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Sunday, October 5, 2014

Will it change them?

Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow I start a new job at a preschool and with that Jimmy and Sarah start at the school too. For all their lives, myself and family have been the only people to care for them. So I can't help but feel sad. I will be close to them and that is great and we will get to have time together in the car to and from and it's not even the being away from them that I worry for because I will be in the same building.

It's how this will change them. They will never be the same. I can no longer control what they see and do in the same way that I have been.

I know this is not all bad. They will teach them many things. Colors, numbers and letters. How to line up and follow directions. To sit still during meal and story time. They will help in potty training and they will make friends. But what scares me is I won't be the one teaching them and guiding them and seeing the joy in Jimmy's face when he gets the answer correct. Don't even get me started on my fear that Sarah will take her first steps when I am not around to witness it.

It's just a strange feeling for me.

I worry that they will be in class tomorrow wondering where I am and why I left them. Which they will, I know this but I hope the teachers give them extra hugs like I would and ease the fears they will have. I worry they will not be treated fairly by the other children. I worry Jimmy will dance on the tables. I worry Sarah will spend the day not having giggled.

Will it change them? Yes, how could it not. I just hope and pray I don't miss all the good parts.

We have bought the kinder mat and packed a pillow and blanket for Jimmy and I have slept with Sarah's blankets for two nights so she has something familiar with her. I have paired up his clothes for the week and packed an extra outfit for each if they need it. My lunch is made and my clothes are hanging and ready. The alarm is set and the kids are asleep. All that's left to do is settle my thoughts on tomorrow and get to bed.