Tag: Cat Scratch Fever

“Sexy” is a relative term — one man’s baby-makin’ music might be his woman’s soundtrack for a snoozefest. But there’s nothing subjective about this list. These are, literally, the 50 most popular songs about sex ever, as based on each song’s performance on the Billboard Hot 100 chart (from August 4, 1958 — the inception of the Hot 100 chart — through the Jan. 16, 2010 issue). Some songs are steamy slow-jams, some are hi-octane arena-rockers, but what they all have in common (and what got them on this list) is that the subject matter of each song is directly related to sex, in some way. No more, no less. Got it? Now let’s knock some boots.

Songs are ranked based on an inverse point system, with weeks at No. 1 earning the greatest value and weeks at No. 100 earning the least. To ensure equitable representation of the biggest hits from each era, certain time frames were weighted to account for the difference between turnover rates from those years.

I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie/ There’s nothing left to talk about unless it’s horizontally

I kid you not. I did not make this up. The sexiest song of all time according to these people, this group of people, is Physical by Olivia Newton-John. Think about that, when these peeps are ready to make their move, they pop on some Olivia Newton-John. Toss in a little Captain & Tennille and by the time Starland Vocal Band is finished, they’re in the sack, guaranteed.

Honestly, this is too weird for me. Kinda scary. Check that. Very scary. In trying to understand this perverted, sick, disgusting list of lameness over decades, I read where they were constrained by rank. But, that in itself makes for a goofball list and they should know that. Not one single person on this planet thought that Afternoon Delight was actually sexy in any way. It was corny. It was so stupid and hokey you couldn’t help but love it. ”Sparks to ignite, afternoon delight”. I mean, come on Billboard peeps, the song was a joke! Physical was Olivia’s attempt to convince the world she wasn’t a goofball understudy to John Travolta. It didn’t work then. Some of these people are nobodies. They were unknown then, they had a freak hit, and they disappeared. As with any classic list, you need endurance. I’ve got some ideas for what I think would be a much better “sexy” list.

Now, for starters, I don’t pin myself in with some bizarre definition of what a sexy song is. Under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever would Urgent ever be considered a sexy song. None. He could be talking about getting laid, he could be talking about taking a pee. Anything with thugs in it is disqualified on my list. Scratch about 1/4 of their list for that. Additionally, if no one knows who they are now, scratch it. Flying solo doesn’t really get it for “sexy” with me either. I mean, the whole point of “sexy” is pairing up. Some songs are so sexy, me love them long time. Donna Summer deserves to be all over the list. However, it was “I Feel Love” that got her going, not “Love to Love You, Baby”. I Feel Love however was the first song I can recall that basically was nothing but a six minute orgasm. Debbie Harry would follow suit, but not quite as effectively. Jimmy Bufffett quantified the 80’s. Anyone in college during the late 70’s to, well, today, absolutely lives by Jimmy’s lead. It may not have been a #1 hit on Billboard, but it’s been in play since the 70’s, and people pay good money to hear it today. Love The One You’re With was the same for the 60’s. Young men decided not to shave, or wear deoderant. In order to get some they had to use harder drugs and and convince the babes to sleep with anything available. It worked occasionally. By the 80’s sex was about the only thing big hair could sing about, so I left them out for the most part due to over-saturation. Same with Rap. I think what’s left is still a lot more fun than what Billboard could come up with.