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Kali gets jiggy with it

So it has come to my attentionthat one of the few mythoses which i have not stuck my grubby appendages intois the pantheonof Indiawatch as I rectify thatHARD

so kali right

she is this badass trick alrightshe is a chickwho wears a necklace of HUMAN HEADShas four armswith which to hold swordsand is the goddess of likeannihilationand TIME ITSELF

but thenthere is this other chick Durgawho has TEN ARMSand rides on LIONSand is INVINCIBLEand is always carrying likeweapons AND flowerswell ok i guess the flowers dont help muchbut anywayat the beginning of this mythDurga is trying to kill the shit out of this demonRaktabijaand raktabija is having none of itactually he is having less than none of itbecause every time durga cuts himhis blood goes flying everywhereand turns into MORE OF HIMso the only way to win in this situationis NOT TO PLAYand in fact really actuallyeven that wouldn’t workbecause then raktabija would kill youso Durga gets fed up with this bullshitand she is like HEY KALIand Kali comes shooting out of Durga’s foreheadall like WHATWHAT DO YOU NEEDARE THERE THINGS FOR ME TO MURDERand durga is like shit yes there arehow about these billion demons i just createdand kali is like THAT WILL DO NICELY

so then kali just drinks ALL of raktabija’s bloodlike SLURP SLURP MCSLURP BITCHESand then she hangs some of them i guess cause she has a bunch of nooseson top of all the swords she also hasand then she puts all the duplicates into her mouthjust sort of places them thereand then murders them alland spits them all back out all the fuck over everywhere

so then she’s standing in a field of dead bodiesand there is nothing kali likes morethan standing in a fieldof dead bodiesso she is like DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THE DANCE FEVER COMING ONOK MAYBE IT IS JUST MEand she starts boogieing the FUCK outPS how come spell check thinks boogieing is a wordi am pleasantly surprised

anyway kali is a motherfucking disco inferno all over these corpsesstomping their fucking teeth out all over the placeand one of the bodiesfor some reasonis Kali’s husband shivadunno what the fuck he was doing therewearing a demon constume?was this some kind of likedemon conventionwhere he was cosplaying?i don’t fucking knowall i know is shiva seems like kind of a loserbecause in all the pictures of him i can findkali is either standing on his backor standing on his faceand this is in fact exactly what starts happening nowand shiva is like OW WIFE FUCK OW WHATand kali is like oh shit i’m sorryand she stops dancingand i guess the rest of the dead bodies are saved

so the moral of the story isdo not get marriedbecause your husbandmight end up being one of the dead bodies you are tramplingand his anguished crieswill totally buzzkill the party

4 thoughts on “Kali gets jiggy with it”

Oh man. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants.Maybe it's just me being weird with the Hindus or whatever, but I went to Nepal the other month to see how the Gods were being celebrated for being all mighty and shit, and this just made Shiva look like a pussy.

The reason that Shiva laid down and let Kali dance on him is because her victory dance was so hardcore that it was threatening to destroy the universe.

Also the reason why you always see her with her tongue out is because when she realized she was curb stomping her husband she bit her own tongue in shame, which I guess is like Hindu goddess for “my bad”.