Wednesday, November 10, 2010

TEENS: How To VALUE YOURSELF IN RELATIONSHIPS

(Loved the movie SIXTEEN CANDLES)

Being a teen in love can be one of the most addictive things in the world. Unfortunately, nothing ever changes – ever. There’s always going to be a girl who desperately wants to hold her boyfriend’s attention and a boy who desperately wants to hold a girls love. How does this play out badly in teen relationships – you tell me.

You know a lot of parents act like what their kids are doing these days are new. But the same old thing happens today that happened when I was a kid. Only difference is, today you see those things on tv – like shows about teen moms or kids who are dating a person who is just a bad choice for them. Everyone on tv sees the train wreck but in real life it’s not so easy to see. Also, most people admit they know it’s going to wreck, they just can’t get off the train.

LET ME PREFACE THIS TO SAY – not all girls or boys have these issues, but a lot either know someone who does, or watches a tv show with someone who does.

WHAT DO GIRLS DO TO HOLD ON TO MR. HOTTIE BOYFRIENDMost times teen girls try to hold onto their boyfriend or boys by having sex – even getting pregnant on purpose or stalking them. Oh, don’t act so shocked. This has been going on for-ever. It’s even in the history books believe it or not.

Now, what does this have to do with VALUE OF SELF – a lot! Any one, girl or boy should not allow themselves to be convinced, persuaded, bullied, abused by, manipulated to try drugs or peer pressured into believing that sharing their body with someone else is ‘no big deal’. It is a big deal, because boys move on, girls can get pregnant, girls can get a reputation as an ‘easy’ lay and girls typically are emotionally driven to start punishing themselves when they find that things don’t work out like in the fairytales.

WHAT DO BOYS DO TO HOLD ON TO MS. HOTSTUFF GIRLFRIENDFunny thing is, boys have feelings too! Sure, they are taught to suppress them, but they cry, they hurt, they love deeply and they obsess over girls like girls obsess over them. Guys do the stalking thing, blow up in anger, and try to manipulate girls just like girls do guys.

Guys also need to value self. Focusing on keeping his goals clear, speaking up to a girl to ‘stop’ even though he may hurt her feelings is sometimes better than leading the girl on. Girls can be just as manipulative, pushy, persuasive to boys to engage in sex, drugs, or to set boys up by getting pregnant in order to hold onto them. Also, girls may try to manipulate all of a boys time and take him away from goals, family or friends who are important to him – how can a girl possibly do this? By using that boys desire for sex, love or desire to be with her to her advantage.

BUT GIRLS AND BOYS ARE DIFFERENT AREN’T THEY

Yes, in some ways, but in all the ways that make us human, we are not. That means, whether you are a boy or a girl, you have the right to say ‘NO!’ and should value your body, love for self, and determination to stay true to yourself in all things. Only those that truly care about you, aren’t trying to hurt you, or aren’t trying to lead you down a path that could negatively alter your life has the right to effect the inner you.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’VE MADE A BIG MISTAKE

Forgive yourself. Improve yourself. Love yourself. No matter what we do in life, we are here to grow. To learn from our mistakes. Making them is acceptable, learning from them is important. Loving yourself in spite of the fact that – hey guess what? You’re human, is okay. And if you need someone to talk to – pick someone that truly wants to help you. Follow your gut, and you will know the right person, the right time, to approach someone with your questions.

8 comments:

This is such an excellent post. I agree with everything you said. I wish more teens could read it.

It's sad the way teens feel like they should be participating in all this stuff for love. And you're so right ... it's so big when you're a teen, you can't see it for what it is--just a tiny chapter in your life.

Hi LM, I'm following your blog now! Good post, and a description of the ins and outs of relationships that goes even beyond YA. In my WIP for Nano, I'm writing about a couple of relationships that take bad turns, in part due to a girl's thirst for power. It's fun and also painful to write corrupted characters.

Teen relationships are a difficult topic to discuss. I think this post made excellent points. Falling in love at that age can be really crazy. But yes, like you said, the solution might be just making sure you value yourself first and foremost.