Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Rescue Your Son From The Charity Stud Auction Day!

Your favorite movie is Taken and you wish you could be Liam Neeson’s character from that movie. Unfortunately you’re a middle-aged mom who is a corporate attorney. No CIA experience of any kind. But tonight your adult son is participating in a Charity Stud Auction to raise money for breast cancer research. Women will bid to “purchase” your son for a platonic evening together. It’s all in good fun, but it’s as close to your child being abducted by a human trafficking ring as you’re going to get. So tonight you’re going to burst into the auction with a toy handgun and order one of the women to bid on your son until she wins the auction. Then you’re going to stick the toy gun in her ribs and tell her to take you to where she picks your son up. Unfortunately, the event’s henchmen will also be excited about being able to live out a scene from the movie Taken, and they’ll clock you in the back of the head and string you up from a pipe in the boiler room. Since you don’t have a set of skills that you’ve acquired over a very long career, you won’t be able to escape from the boiler room and the henchmen will murder you while you’re dangling from a pipe. Once you die, the henchmen will be pissed because you were supposed to escape and the Taken scene will be totally ruined. Also, they’ll be jailed for murder. Since your son is the one who entered the auction even though he knew how much you love Taken he’ll spend the rest of his life drowning his guilt in drink.