This is sushi from Uchi, where you can take all your rich friends to eat after games.

Even the food we're not famous for is amazing.

This is sushi from Uchi, where you can take all your rich friends to eat after games.

Photo: James Nielsen, Chronicle

Even the food we're not famous for is amazing. This... Photo-5193174.88465 - Beaumont Enterprise

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Oh ... but the food we are famous for ...

Chris Shepherd of Underbelly will create an entire menu just for you and only.

Oh ... but the food we are famous for ...

Chris Shepherd of Underbelly will create an entire menu just for you and only.

Photo: Julie Soefer

Oh ... but the food we are famous for ... Chris Shepherd of... Photo-6263314.88465 - Beaumont Enterprise

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You have the beard already.

All the best people in Houston have beards and you and James Harden can trade tips on expert beard care. There are special shampoos, you know.

You have the beard already.

All the best people in Houston have beards and you and James Harden can trade tips on expert beard care. There are special shampoos, you know.

Photo: James Nielsen, Houston Chronicle

You have the beard already. All the best people in Houston have... Photo-6220155.88465 - Beaumont Enterprise

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We've got a mansion available.

Former Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub just moved out of this is $4.29 million home in the Tanglewood area. That price tag gets you over 10,000 square feet, five bedrooms, six bathrooms, plus three half-bathrooms, all on about an acre of land just east of Chimney Rock. It would make an adequate maid's quarters for your household help.