Tuesday, August 27, 2013

DID YOU EVER NOTICE?

It's true, no one cares about YOUR quarter-life crisis, but I'm not above forcing a few people to care about MINE. I recently (like mid-June) had the pleasure of reading some of poetry at Bushwick's lovely Fitness gallery/venue as part of the Death Panel series that my friend Andy puts together. I read seven poems, if memory serves, and this was the last of my "set." Enjoy!

Letter to couple/Dedication to Andy Rooney, the “Did you ever notice…” guy from the newsmagazine show 60 Minutes

When you ask me to dogsit,

And I’ve never been in your house before,

And your dog likes to chew things,

And eat things,

Like he did to a pair of my underwear,

And like the yarn balls

In the basket where you keep the yarn balls:

Please move the sex toys

Out of the yarn ball basket

So that I don’t come home from work

And see chewed up yarn balls all over the floor

And chewed up sex toys all over the floor

That I then have to inform you were

Chewed up by your dog,

So that you don’t get some strange disease

That no one has ever heard of.

Put them in a box

Or a cabinet

Or, I don’t know, wherever the dog

Won’t stick his face.

Did you ever notice that dogs are always

Sticking their faces where they don’t belong?

Ohhh Andy, you nut. Watch this video. He says "boobs."

If you'd like to read more of my poems, check out another infrequently updated blogspot, otter space!