Author: poornima.poonam

Growing up among people, it was books that brought me up! Parenting was split between my biological mother and my relationship with books. Friendship and love came from mainly my maushi (Pachi), my maternal aunt, my siblings, my friends and the books I read as if obsessed! Of course I lived in two worlds – one around me and the other one inside all the books I read!

I was strangely fascinated by classics. Since Pachi was a student of English, we had random books lying around at my Grandfather’s place! From Humphrey Clinker to Lord Jim, Lady Chatterley’s Lover to David Copperfield ! And I, like the voracious caterpillar, devoured them all! And that Chrysalis metamorphosed into me!

So many authors, so many books! Its tough to name favorites, though Jane Austen had a special role to play, with me yearning to be like Lizzy! Her assertiveness, her self assurance! those seemed liked massively attractive qualities to have for oneself! Those crisp and coloured days of childhood! sigh! Romance of a different nature! Fantasy of a different lifetime! Lizzy Bennet and Mr. Darcy! I still enjoy going through the eternal ‘Pride and Prejudice‘. It reminds me of childhood – my childhood, especially.

It was always FICTION that I read. I could not do the ‘self help’ and fact based reading. That seemed too much like studying. Though the thick psychology books that my mother got home from her college library were like endless treasures. She also got home the complete works of Arthur Conan Doyle once. I remember that book and the font size and the black and white sketches. The Hounds of Baskerville, A Study in Scarlet ….and so on!

Somehow, Somerset Maugham and Thomas Hardy creeped into my life at some point of time. And with my like-minded friends I would spend time discussing the nuances of the stories and the analysis of the characters!

And I happened to lay my hands on a lot of Russian writers in my Uncle’s home! Dostoevsky, Chekhov, Of course, I also wondered how he managed to be the person he was in spite of reading all the books on his own shelves. That’s when I realized that one had to apply the knowledge and develop the skills if one wanted to grow! Reading a book was not enough. Imbibe, absorb, filter and apply!

P G Wodehouse, of course, added a fun filled twist to life and came as a relief! We were supposed to laugh at the ironies and imperfections of life!

First impressions don’t always matter. Especially with Chitale Kaka it just didn’t. The first time I saw him he was in an entirely different state. He was admitted under me in a state of confusion. That’s how I saw him first. His clinical presentation was a rare occurrence and his diagnosis was challenging. As our investigations and treatment progressed, gradually he started improving. And we got him out of his confusion all state and from states of adamancy and stubbornness too. I had kept my options open. A patient in such a state can be an entirely different person. ‘Patient’ is one state, ‘person’ is another. By the time

As he started coming to my clinic for follow ups, we struck a chord of friendship. Though he was in his seventies and me in my forties, we seemed to share a friendship from some other age. I looked forward to his monthly or quarterly visits, where he was accompanied by his concerned wife, Chitale Kaku. They both would wait patiently in the Opd for their turn, never once upsetting the routine or discipline of the place. And the moment they walked in, his face would light up, and so would mine. We would exchange light banter and silly jokes over inconsequential things. He would make light of his tremor in his shaking voice. I would joke about his gardening and his routine and how he should help Kaku in House work and not fight with her. He would mechanically do the routine of a Neuro exam and amidst affection and camaraderie, the visit would end on a pleasant note. And this would be repeated every three months. It seemed like forever then.

Till the last time he got admitted more than a year ago, in a state similar to his first admission – but this time his physical state refused to improve as his other systems chose to not cooperate and instead progressively shut down. It was almost ten years since the last time.

At such times, as doctors we are supposed to be detached. But that cannot always be the case. With old or regular patients, we are parts of their short and long stories, making important decisions for them, affecting the way they live their lives, denying them harmful stuff, while persuading them to be in some routine that is good for them.

And they are all parts of our lives, sharing the time and spaces, the academic aspects of our personas and also the nurturing ones. They mean something to us too. They are Kaka, Mama, Maushi and Aai. They are our children of varying ages. We nurture them and scold them and appreciate them and try and discipline them. We take their side in front of their family or sometimes even stand by them against diversity.

All these thoughts and more were whirring through my mind as Kaka went through his last days. They were intense and stormy. His ageing systems would not respond to conservative management. Since his systems were shutting down bit by bit and he had expressed his unwillingness for aggressive treatment to his daughter earlier, when he was in his senses, we took care to respect his wishes and looked after him till he passed away. We, as a team, focused on his comfort and his dignity. And one fine day he was no more.