Not bad for a fat girl

Monthly Archives: October 2017

Quite a while ago I published a blog post lamenting the loss of some of my favorite fall and Halloween decorations. It was a blow. Really. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Then again, it probably was. Mine, in fact. I moved out of my old house and my former husband moved back in. I left behind some items to be donated, and he took them. Apparently my decor was in the mix, somewhere. Sad story, right?

Except that it has a happy ending. He never dropped off that box. He delivered all the other donations, but he figured that someday I’d want that box. He even asked me about it, but I thought he was talking about some old junky plastic stuff, not things my son had made and ceramic items that I really like and handmade decorations. I told him to just get rid of it, but he didn’t. He put it aside. He even moved it when he sold the house and moved out. Then he moved it again.

Eventually that box came up in conversation, and I told him how I regretted telling him to get rid of that stuff. He smiled. He told me he had it. I was shocked. I actually cried. I know. I’m a sap. It’s just stuff. But he was kind. He wasn’t vengeful. He knew I would want it and he kept it. He delivered it a short time later. I appreciate that, more than he’ll ever truly understand. I knew there was a reason I married him in the first place. There were lots of reasons, in fact. It was nice that he reminded me. Happy Halloween.

Like this:

So here’s the update on Mom’s surgery, for those who wondered. No, it was not a miracle fix. In fact, something didn’t go quite right. I won’t say it went wrong exactly, but the result isn’t what was anticipated, and somehow, during the recovery, something shifted in a way that it wasn’t supposed to. I’m not sure exactly. I wasn’t at the appointment, so I’ve only heard the news second-hand, but I know that things aren’t exactly on track.

So now what?

Now there’s a new appointment with a new doctor to try a new “procedure” to fix that which went awry. It’s to be done in the office, and a few days later Mom will be evaluated again to see if the procedure was effective at getting things back on track.

If it was, great. She can continue healing and hopefully the end result with be all good.

If it wasn’t, no so great. It will mean a second surgery, and it sounds like this one will be more involved than the first one.

“Maybe I’ll schedule it for Christmas break, if it has to be done,” said Mom. Oh. Christmas seems like a long time away. Shouldn’t it be done soon? I don’t know. I’m not there. I wasn’t at the appointment.

I feel guilty about that. I live 2,000 miles away. I can’t help. At least not in a go to appointments, run to the grocery store, pick up eye drops at CVS kind of way.

We won’t know until the end of next week what the next steps are, but I feel awful that I can’t take her to the “procedure” appointment on Tuesday or the follow-up on Friday. Fortunately she has many good people in her life who are able and willing to step forward to help, but I would rather it was me.

If you happen to think of it, a positive word for Mom and her doctors would be appreciated. Thanks for listening, internet, you are too kind.

Like this:

Today my mother had surgery. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you that, after all she’s very private about her affairs, but I don’t think she’ll mind.

The surgery was done at an outpatient surgical center located about twenty minutes from her house, which is located about 2,000 miles from my house. I just came downstairs from helping her drink a cup of water through a straw. You see, there were a few other people who could have, and would have, taken her today, but I was the one who got to do it.

My mother knew this surgery was coming and she consulted with more than one doctor, both in her home state and mine (where she spends time each winter). Ultimately she felt most comfortable with the doctor who did today’s procedure, so she scheduled it for my fall break. I love visiting my childhood home and family and friends, but this time I kept my calendar clear. This time it’s all about Mom (although I did manage to squeeze in a quick visit with a wonderful friend last night).

This is really the first time I’ve been able to care for my mother in the ways that she’s cared for me numerous times over the years. She was there when I was in my twenties and told her not to come when I got my tonsils out. I was so glad that she didn’t listen. She was there when my son was rushed off to the NICU right after birth. She knew he would be alright, and he was. She was there when my marriage fell apart and I wasn’t sure what to do. She listened and put me in touch with someone who helped me form a plan, then she helped me put that plan into place.

I know my mother hates being dependent on anyone, so to me that makes it even more of a privilege to be here for her, even if she doesn’t need much.

I’m reminded of the time my grandmother had her gall bladder removed. She was a widow and lived alone. After her surgery she came to our house to recover. She slept in my little girl bedroom with the pink shag carpet and eyelet curtains, and I slept on the hide-a-bed in my mom’s study under an old army blanket. My mom put a small tv in my room for her, and together we watched Bobby Vinton. I’m glad my mom was there for her, too.

Mothers and daughters take care of each other, but when things go according to plan, mothers do the heavy lifting. They wouldn’t have it any other way.