Introducing Alana, Our New “Toddlers & Tiaras” Muse

Miracles happen when you mate extreme couponing with children’s beauty pageants. From the inner sanctum of a paper towel hoard in McIntyre, Georgia, emerges our latest “Toddlers & Tiaras” muse, Alana. Part drag queen, part Southern diva, this child knows what the pageants are all about — the Benjamins, Honey Boo Boo Child! She’ll holler for a dollar or break out her tummy if need be — whatever it takes to win that crown. But really it’s her special drink — her Go-Go Juice — that that’s gonna help her win. God bless Red Bull. If only we could get Alana and Makenzie together in one episode. I’d die of spirit animal happiness.