Are you interested in using my jokes in your monologues? I am available to write jokes for anybody who needs a monologue joke or two. If you need me, contact me by my email, which is alexschubs@gmail.com. Serious inquiries only! Thank you for reading my blog, and happy laughing!

Friday, September 13, 2013

"The Got Dang Queers"

A man in Boston plotted to cook and eat children. And somehow, he's only the second most notorious Bostonian this year.

Miley Cyrus appears naked on a wrecking ball in her new music video. This is the first time ever that a wrecking ball has gotten herpes.

Rush Limbaugh is writing a children's book. It's going to be called "How the Grinch Stole Your Tax Dollars To Help The Got Dang Queers".

An Afghan woman is wanted for stealing $1.1 Million from a bank she worked at. The real story here is that a woman in Afghanistan has a job.

Ariel Castro committed suicide in his prison cell. He did this after realizing that he's a dude named Ariel.

A study says there is a link between losing sports teams and overweight fans. To put that study in perspective, I root for the Bengals.

Louie Anderson recently did his first 3 meter dive into a pool. The moment was frightening for Louie, but even more frightening for the pool.

The NFL wants to ban large purses for women going to games, which means the only people who will bring purses to games play for the Browns.

A company has developed a cup that detects date rape drugs. "This is a major breakthrough," said Dave Lynch, CEO of Buzzkill Inc.

A new obesity map shows where the fattest Americans are. Which explains why today I was hit on the head by a giant red pin.

That's all for right now! Well, I'm 21 now, which means imma get drunk as fuck loljk I'm just getting into more open mics. The standup is going ok, I'm just trying to find the right stuff to write about.