On behalf of the people of the great-ish State of Florida, I want to thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And thank you, specifically, to William Todd Akin, who has served your 2nd congressional district since 2001, for helping deflect negative attention from my state and the criminally irresponsible decision-making of our voters, just as we’re being thrust into the political spotlight/crosshairs of the Republican National Convention, which begins tomorrow in Tampa. Todd is currently running against democratic incumbent Claire McCaskill to be your senator. And, as you may have heard, he committed the ultimate sin in politics: he said (out loud and on camera) what he really thinks and feels, regardless of its absolute, undisputed scientific and medical falsity. You have to admire his courage. Most people never have the strength and self-awareness to publicly admit that they are insane. But apparently you agree with him, as his kamikaze act of honesty hasn’t seemed to hinder his fundraising abilities.

But enough of Missouri and on to Tampa, where the RNC—and This Week in Florida—is getting ready to begin:

- Thanks to Tropical Storm Isaac, Governor Rick Scott narrowly avoided having to perform logical contortions to reconcile his claims of leading an economic recovery in Florida with the Romney campaign’s assertion that our key swing state continues to suffer economically due to President Obama’s failed policies. Not to put too fine a point on it, but just so we’re clear: Everything good occurring in Florida is because of Rick Scott and everything bad is because of Barack Obama. OK?

Rivera has taken his “wasn’t me” defense to Spanish talk radio, where you can literally say anything without repercussion. In all fairness, Rivera’s rebuttal is one of the most honest statements to ever pass through his lips: “What I know is that nothing that is written in the Miami Herald can be believed.”

Problem with that is, the sources and reporting on this particular article are solid (kudos to Marc Caputo, one of Florida’s best and brightest).

- As the Romney campaign and Republicans nationwide attempt to distance themselves from Akin and his controversial remarks, they continue to push an agenda consistent with his beliefs. In Tampa last week, a GOP committee approved draft language calling for a constitutional ban on abortion, without any explicit exemption for victims of rape or incest. It is expected that convention delegates will vote on and approve this next week.

- Hip-hop artist Juvenile backed that ass up into jail. He was arrested over a fight at LIV nightclub in Miami Beach’s Fontainebleau hotel and was cuffed in the same valet driveway where LeBron’s mom got popped.

- Miami-Dade tried to give Los Angeles a run for its money with an absolutely spectacular police car chase this week: speeds of over 100 miles per hour, driving the wrong way down an expressway, and an ending with bullets blazing. Sounds like an average Miami commute.

- A Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputy, fired for having sex on duty with a drunk woman who he drove home outside of the county he is paid to patrol has his job back. This begs the question, “Who does an on-duty cop have to fuck to get fired in Palm Beach County?”