sex

Try mentioning masturbation at a dinner party and watch as silence sweeps the room, facial expressions turn to shock and eyes will lower in shame. The word itself evokes a discomfort in most people that is not often seen in other sexualized topics of discussion.

It is time for the taboo surrounding female masturbation to be chucked into the trash, joining 1950’s Chatelaine ads advocating for traditional marriage and anti-abortion. Women have fought for sexual liberation since the 1960’s and 70’s — now let’s celebrate and talk about the importance of self-love.

Though squeezing the peach or stroking the sailor is mostly seen as a recreational activity, done under the covers late at night, research shows that masturbation has positive physical and psychological health effects for women. It is also a great way to get in touch with yourself … by touching yourself.

According to a study on vaginal massage released by the Research Clinic for Holistic Medicine in Copenhagen, Denmark, “Existential healing is not a local healing of any tissue, but a healing of the wholeness of the person, making him much more resourceful, loving, and aware of himself, his own needs, and wishes”.

Vaginal massage addresses not only physical problems, but it also allows the individual to understand how their sexual organs are affected by emotions and physical health. This, in turn, promotes further understanding of what a person needs in order to be satisfied with their health and their sex lives.

Vaginal massage and acupuncture also helps with incontinence and urinary tract problems. “These techniques often used for healing chronic pains in the pelvis or genitals, and treating the highly inconvenient pattern of frequent reinfection of the urinary system,” the Research Clinic for Holistic Medicine found.

In addition, masturbation can lead to some pretty earth shattering orgasms with practice. Orgasms resulting from masturbation aren’t just pleasurable, but they also secret higher levels of oxytocin. Oxytocin regulates prolactin, a stress hormone which has been shown to cause breast cancer and brain tumours. It is also a natural antibiotic and helps to fight nasty bacteria. So, next time someone asks what you are doing with your hands “down there”, why not tell them you are fighting cancer.

“Masturbation is a great way to explore your body for its own sake, have an enjoyable and pleasurable time, and learn what parts of your body are most responsive,” said Isabel Carlin from the University of Toronto Sexual Education Centre. “It’s also a great way to get to know your body and feel more comfortable with it for future sexual situations with other people.”

Having the ability to get yourself off whenever you please can be empowering and beautiful. Unfortunately there are many stigmas around masturbation that prevent women from exploring the exciting world down below.

“Stigma around masturbation can definitely make people feel stressed and anxious when they do masturbate (or even get the urge to do so), which can stop people from masturbating entirely,” said Carlin.

Reducing stigma and empowering people to embrace their own sexuality is a primary step towards sexual healing. For women with poor self-esteem or who have been sexualized in their past, masturbation is the last thing they want to do, despite it’s positive effects.

“When a woman begins to view herself as an object, the mental resources that are required to constantly monitor her appearance can disrupt her thought processes, thus disconnecting her from her natural internal cues,” writes Mels Van Driel, urologist and sexologist, in his book With the Hand: A Cultural History of Masturbation. “Body satisfaction can also influence a woman’s ability to orgasm, her willingness to explore novel sexual activities, and allow her to feel more comfort in providing sexual pleasure for herself”.

Many people shy away from their genitalia, thinking that self-love is a bit gross, disturbing, and inappropriate. But, it’s not. There is nothing wrong with hunkering down, grabbing some candles and mood music, locking your door, and beginning the process of understanding the inner-workings of your magic spot. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

When in doubt, remember the great words of Woody Allen, “I won’t hear a bad word about masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” Self-love is an important asset to understanding and loving your body. This Valentine’s day, take advantage, and enjoy one of the most satisfying ways to stay healthy and happy.

One thing is clear, Patrick Moote doesn’t have a lot of embarrassment left. After proposing to his girlfriend on a jumbotron at a sporting event and being turned down, being the subject of a documentary about small penises wouldn’t seem all that mortifying. The trailer for the film, Unhung Hero, follows protagonist Moote as he speaks to women, experts, and medical professionals about penis size.

His girlfriend turned him down apparently because he was lacking in the pants. While this is an awful reason to break up with someone, it has gotten under his skin to the point where he and film maker Brian Spitz traveled the world to find out the answer to the age old question: does size really matter?

Tomorrow is our anniversary and I can’t help my desire to scream, “We made it!” at the top of my lungs. This is my first anniversary since the Big Ex in 2009 and the differences between then and now are staggering: four years ago I was afraid to tell the Big Ex that I loved him, four years ago on our anniversary the Big Ex was on a date with another woman and four years ago I couldn’t have told you that I was happy even if I thought I might have been.

Tomorrow Boyfriend and I are going for dinner and a movie, we’ll exchange gifts and we’ll fall asleep in what I can only assume will be a sweaty tangled mess. But the biggest difference of all is that I’m not afraid; I’m not afraid that making a big deal out of an anniversary will scare him off, I’m not afraid to tell him how much I love him and I’m not afraid to enjoy myself on a day that is meant to be enjoyed.

We’ve been through a lot this year: my mum’s illness, my work issues, the loss of his grandfather and six months of trying to figure out why I can barely keep food down. At this point we’ve been through some of the worst parts of life together and we’ve managed to come out smiling. I have never known the kind of support that I get from Boyfriend. As an adult child of divorce I’ve barely seen this kind of support outside of movies and TV shows; to be honest I didn’t even know that this kind of love was real, I just assumed that writers and directors were just really talented at creating loving worlds on paper and screen.

But after a year of experiencing love first hand I’ve come to realize that it isn’t all a fantasy, it takes a lot of work, a lot of practice and a lot of honesty. You have to be ready to share yourself fully, your fears, hopes, dreams and even (especially) the things you hate about yourself. Relationships aren’t easy, that was the part the writers got wrong, a big gesture won’t fix everything, there is no quick fix when things go wrong and you’ve got to really love yourself before anyone can love you. Some days I think it would be easier to walk through the world alone, as it’s a lot easier to lie to myself when the days get tough than it is to lie to Boyfriend.

But in the end finding someone who loves and appreciates you because of, not in spite of, your weird little quirks is the best feeling in the world. So what if I never wear matching socks or if I set my alarm clock in intervals of three or if I insist on calling penguins “pengins”? It’s all part of who I am and he loves me.

I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life and I hope that this is just the first of many more anniversaries.

How much changes after 35 years — and how much stays the same?

I never forgot my childhood crush. Over the years through dead-end relationships and dating disasters, I would go back to that comforting place in grade four and wonder about the cute boy who captured my attention and still held a special place in my memory.

The fantasy of reconnecting years later often presented itself in my mind. What was he doing now? Would he remember me?

Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure that we wouldn’t pass each other on the street and feel a twinge of familiarity but just keep walking. After all, grade four kids are only nine years old. How much connecting could we really do at that age, I thought.

But suddenly, there was a chance encounter at Tim Horton’s with my grade four teacher. There she was, timeless and preserved as if it were still 1977. As I said hello, the memories came flooding back to me and I immediately went home to fish out the class photo that was carefully protected behind a plastic sheet in an ancient photo album. My crush was as cute as ever, as he stood posing with the group. It was perfect for a Facebook post.

Although we weren’t children of technology, many of us born in the late 60s have adopted the habit of sitting behind a computer or phone to connect with our past. Many of my classmates from elementary school who were on my friend list flooded the photo with comments. Then suddenly, there he was. On someone else’s friend list.

I sent the friend request. Would he remember? Butterflies in my stomach. I attached a little note to ask.

The response was immediate. Are you kidding, he said. Of course I remember you! I always thought about you over the years.

It turned out that he lived in New York City and pictures indicated a lovely family of his own. He was doing well.

We exchanged the usual promises to meet up one day for a coffee. But we were hundreds of miles apart and we hadn’t talked for 35 years. They were nice thoughts and I filed them away.

One year later, a trip to New York City presented itself. So I contacted my grade four crush. The coffee meeting was possible. Was he up for it?

Yes indeed. An exchange of cell phone numbers and a promise to touch base was made. Truthfully, I still wasn’t sure it would happen. But from my hotel room in New York, I sent the text, proposing a time. A response suggested a place – Times Square. It was confirmed.

I walked through the busy streets of New York City on a cool spring day and suddenly, in the middle of Times Square, there he was – my grade four crush. We stood there for a minute among the hustle of the city and looked at each other and smiled.

Over Starbucks, we talked as if three decades hadn’t passed by. We reminisced about our grade four teacher and classmates, and we discussed his move to another school all too suddenly. He cried, he confessed. He was sad that he would not see me again.

I stared. You did? I asked.

He continued to reveal details of our friendship –details that I didn’t remember. We used to lay stomach down on the carpet side by side and read stories to one another, he recalled. He used to tell his mom about me.

I tried to recall those memories but my own told me that he was the cutest boy in the class and I had a crush on him, as did many of the other girls. 35 years later, I learn that I was the one he was most fond of. More importantly, I find out that nine year olds can make connections that last a lifetime.

We chatted for the afternoon and he walked me to a street that would take me to my hotel again. We promised to keep in touch and parted ways.

That was over a year ago and we continue to connect on Facebook. His emails make me smile and he checks up to see how I’m doing from time to time, with offers to talk when life throws a curve ball.

I’m happy that he’s found a love that keeps his heart full. He’s no longer my crush, but a bond that began in elementary school, lasted through decades of distance and came back, familiar and comforting as if we had shared stories on that carpet, in the second floor of that old school building, just a few weeks ago.

When men reveal their secrets, I listen carefully. After all, it isn’t everyday that they’re willing to break the code and allow a woman into their mind. So when I found out about the double standard that may actually be responsible for sending men packing early in relationships, I knew it had to be shared.

I found out this tidbit on a first date of all places. We were talking about relationships over dinner. Ok, the fact that we were on a date and talking about past relationships is bad form, I know. But that’s how it usually goes when they fall into the friend category right away.

He’d asked me about my last relationship. The good girl in me said, avoid the topic. The realistic girl said, he’s the friendship guy so it’s ok to get his opinion. Since my breakup was still raw, I was all too eager to spill the details.

The future was responsible for the breakup, I confessed. Apparently I’d talked about the future too much and it put pressure on my former beau. Mr. Friend asked for details so I complied.

It was early on in the relationship, I’d explained. The stage where infatuation was at its peak and new couples, drinking from the same cup of amour, fantasized about being together forever. Could this be it? Could the long, search finally be over?

So when my past boyfriend talked about kids and homes together and trips we could take, I figured it was ok to jump in and reciprocate. Besides, a girlfriend told me, if he wasn’t serious about you, he wouldn’t talk this way! Men don’t say these things so early on unless they were serious. Uh huh. Words of wisdom from a woman’s point of view? Take heed ladies, this is not the case.

But as soon as I joined in the future talk, I saw the eyes widen. I saw the fear rise and I watched my beau turn and duck into the cave. His reason? I was rushing things. It was too much pressure.

I stood there, stunned, running over the conversations in my head. Didn’t he ask me on the second date if I wanted kids? What about the nice houses that he wanted us to look at? And the colours for the rooms…what was that all about?

I poured out my confusion to Mr. Friend and saw his eyes widen and palms rise as he shook them, jazz style, singing, “No no…NEVER talk about the future! Never mention the future to a guy who you just started dating!!”

But, I stammered. I was following his lead! It doesn’t matter, Mr. Friend said. You just don’t do it. Men live for the moment and they say what they feel at the time.

Ohhh, so it’s a double standard?

Yes, Mr. Friend confessed. It was and it will always be that way. Accept it.

I shared this interesting revelation with my girlfriend. When men talked about the future, they didn’t really mean it. They were living in the moment. Ah ha! The secret revealed!

Weeks after I’d found out the secret, I had a chance to test this theory. The former beau poked his head out of the cave and looked around. He wanted to live in the moment he said. Uh huh. I agreed. No talk of the future. Ok, I admitted that maybe I did talk about the future and it wouldn’t happen again.

But as time went on, and euphoria set in, the future talk resurfaced. I listened, I smiled and I nodded. I made no plans. I did not reciprocate and I did not build on it. I smiled and I lived in the moment.

My girlfriend, amazed at the theory, tried the tactic with her new boyfriend. When he talked of living together, she smiled and nodded. She said it changed her whole way of thinking because no longer was she that woman who jumped too far ahead in a relationship when men lived in the moment.

No, it’s not fair. In fact, it’s downright annoying! But at the end of the day I realize that it’s not about fair. It’s about understanding the difference between men and women so we can walk though this uneven playing field with grace.

So the next time you have a date with a man and he starts talking paint colours for the bedroom, smile, nod, and change the topic. Never bring it up again until the day you actually move in together. Only then will he be ready to paint together.

With the rise of instant dating smartphone apps like Tinder is true romance really just one tap and swipe away?

Today’s young professionals have a rabid appetite for social fulfillment. The enticing and fast-paced social applications for today’s cellphones allow people to satisfy their social urges more rapidly than ever, producing a cult-like atmosphere of social media worshipers. As this industry grows, social media developers are continually finding more creative ways to indulge people’s fixation with social efficiency.

The rise of the social-media empire has even conquered the world of dating. Today’s singles have quickly caught on to the benefits of using social media for their Romantic pursuits. These applications offer people a quick, nonchalant way to pursue someone within a relaxed virtual environment. Consequently, social media is enabling society to court others technologically – but to what extent is technology tarnishing the natural dating process?

We are currently experiencing a battle between efficiency and romance. Alas, we have the rise of Tinder, the savior to quench society’ thirst for unabashedly shallow, yet quick routes toward courtship. It epitomizes the death of organic dating. Through this program, one can browse through dozens of local singles, separating desirable candidates from the undesirables. If two individuals are mutually attracted to each other, they are able to converse. Essentially, this program permits the mass accumulation of potential dates via iPhone; it is a pathetic excuse for romance!

We have essentially become a romantically deactivated society. We are experiencing an epidemic where at least 2 out of 3 people you know have likely been courted via text as opposed to meeting organically through friends or a tasteful piano bar. Tinder is mercilessly plunging our society at hyper-speed into a new era of dating where romantic contenders have been diminished to a cold selection process on a mobile screen. Dating has officially become stale, flat and virtually effortless as technology creates these fast-paced dating platforms.

Nevertheless, this unapologetically superficial, hyper-speed dating style is appropriate for the needs of today’s busy young professionals. Tinder’s efficiency makes it the ideal contemporary dating tool. It is a convenient, yet non-threatening way to pursue others. People are able to protect their egos through this low-risk courtship style. Therefore, people can feel more emotionally safe because their pursuits appear unintentional and casual; it is easier to toss a message into a virtual vacuum than to create a face-to-face opening line. However, this care-free approach to courtship has soured the vulnerability and beauty of the traditional high-risk dating process. I am not implying that people re-enter a world of classic chivalry with codified ways of offering greetings or lofty proclamations of eternal commitment (society’s dating habits are far too removed from these hyper-romanticized ideals). But this does not mean today’s 20 and 30 somethings have to live in a romantic wasteland! People should try abandoning their technologically protected realms—their phones screens— and genuinely interact with each other. When courtship is accompanied with anxiety and fear of rejection, the thrill of dating is preserved in its most raw form. There is a heated sense of risk and sensuality associated with face-to-face courtship .Thus, people need to set aside their feelings of machoism and embrace real romance once again.

As the rise of these speedy dating alternatives continues, the integrity of intimate, face-to-face courtships are relentlessly dying. Social media applications such as Tinder are decaying the spirit of traditional organic courtship. But with the growing starvation for quicker, more compelling ways to socialize through media, technology will continue to address society’s growing demands. Yet, I find it difficult to imagine the next big dating application when society has already seemed to reach he peak of romantic lethargy.

Have you heard about the “What Would Your Mother Do?” underwear, a line of T-shirts and boy shorts that features slogan like “Zip It,” “Dream On,” and “Not Tonight”? According to the brand’s creators their “conversation underwear” will “empower” girls to “make good, informed decisions” about sex (although there is no mention of that rather “dangerous” word on the site) that are theirs and theirs alone. The only good and informed choice being not to have sex – of course.

Now while the idea of underwear with cute pro-abstinence slogans preventing teen sex is laughable (as one would assume that by the time young people weighing the option to have sex get down to their underpants it’s game on, right?), the lack of comprehensive sex education for kids who live in a culture steeped in sex and all the pleasures it brings is not. Though Canadians don’t seem to be as intent on the promotion of abstinence-only education as our neighbours to the south (where the funding of abstinence only sex ed programs jumped from $9 million to $176 million between 1997 and 2007), the derailment of the proposed changes to Ontario’s sex ed curriculum in 2010 is indicative of a loud, highly conservative and very vocal minority (I hope) who would support the same kind of focus here. A fact that is worrying, if only to left leaning folks like me.

Hardcore porn has become by default the sex education of today. – Cindy Gallop

A 2009 study by the security firm Symantec found that the fourth most-searched term among kids aged eight to eighteen – after Facebook, YouTube and Google – was SEX. For kids seven and under it was PORN. – Mashable

You see, kids, whether their parents readily admit it or not, are generally very interested in learning about sex and exploring their own sexuality (I know I was when I was a kid). And in the absence of access to clear, comprehensive education about such matters – at school or at home – curious kids will find their own way. Unfortunately from what I remember of my own childhood, as well as what I glean from my limited interactions with young people today, kids are finding their own way often involves perusing porn on the Internet (which overtime may lead to them developing a skewed view of what real life sex is like); seeking advice from their equally ill-informed peers; or worse yet, picking up tips from someone older and “wiser” than they, who may not have the most altruistic agenda – if you know what I mean. So, is it wise for parents, teachers or any other adults else genuinely concerned with the well being of the children in their lives to avoid open dialogue about sex due to embarrassment, awkwardness or fear? I think not.

Instead of telling kids to just say no, deflecting their questions about sex and/or buying them modern-day chastity belts in the form of boy shorts emblazoned with anti-sex messaging, the grown-ups in their lives would do well to provide them with accurate and age-appropriate information about sex when they indicate that they are interested and ready to receive it. Because with or without the help or influence of the adults who care about them most, kids will always find a way to see and learn about sex. Just as most adults, including myself did (long before the advent of the Internet I might add) when they were kids.

This article was previously published on December 14, 2011.

Follow B. A. on Twitter at @BA_Dobson.

Today’s female pop stars are embarking on a new wave of sexuality. With each new video, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for the top female performers to stay relevant. So, when being sexy and talented no longer makes the cut, they must achieve grander exploits to meet their fans’ twisted standards of entertainment. As a result, female pop stars are reaching epic levels of sexuality in order to keep their fans interested.

Fans are no longer entertained by blond sex icons like Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson, or the moody lyrics of Avril Lavigne. This is not enticing enough for today’s desensitized audiences. The girlish teasing and flirty lyrics that once filled our hearts with delight is now incredibly stale! We now embrace a world of mind-numbing commercialization filled with fanny-flashing, pseudo-lesbianism and subpar voices — the trademark of our current female pop stars. And so, we enter this radical wave of sexual sensationalism where Popstars like Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus seem to state a clear motto: Why simply seduce your fans when you can shock them?

Lady Gaga knows this motto all too well. Since being sexy and talented is not enough, she needs to become outlandishly provocative in order to entertain her fans. After Lady Gaga’s MTV performance this past summer, a critic by the name of Aunt Jemima tweeted to Entertainment Weekly, “someone is getting….boooooo-ring !” This was tweeted despite the fact that Lady Gaga wore a G-String during the finale, underwent four costume changes and had intense choreography. Another tweeter by the name Ballerina wrote, “She doesn’t have the X-factor or wow factor.” These tweets just reinforce how female pop stars are puppets for today’s easily-unimpressed fans.

We have to take a moment to consider how “far” we’ve come. When Madonna released the video, “Like a Virgin” in 1985, people nearly dropped dead from shock. All around the world, people watched Madonna as she pranced around in a wedding dress, singing suggestively about virginity. Even though the singer was 26 at the time, people still considered the performance incredibly racy.

As Madonna passed the torch to Britney and the flame flickered out she was replaced by the new sensationalist Miley Cyrus. And the 21 year old singer has taken this role very seriously— simply ride a wrecking ball in the nude or make-out with some phallic-looking construction tools and you’re all set!

However, there may be some method to Miley’s madness. As she is arguably the ringleader of this new wave sexuality, Miley’s exploits can be viewed as modern and, dare I say, feminist. Her new crotch grabbing trademark and shaved head is a testament to this new wave sexuality. She has a bizarre and sometimes androgynous style of shock. Miley makes this very clear in her Arizona Iced Tea Ad as she mannishly holds a can against her crotch, and wears a red bodysuit which barely covers her lady business. This mischievous persona seems to blatantly confront stereotypes around the classic female pop star. By making it clear that she is not a Katy Perry, Miley is setting out to make herself an object of spectacle as opposed to one of clichéd sexuality. Therefore, Miley is more than just meat for the male spectator — she’s reaching for an image that’s difficult to categorize — a symbol of unbridled extremity.

But Miley is not only shocking us, she’s setting a standard. As we eat up these exploits, we are also establishing norms for our female pop stars.

And why are men not subjected to these outrageous standards of behavior? Male singers still seem to be doing the same old routines that have always been popular among the masses. Justin Bieber is still romancing with models in his videos and Usher is still swaggering in his sunglasses . Yet, fans do not place the same pressure on these male artists to deliver mind-blowing entertainment. On the other hand, if female pop stars gave classically girlish performances, they would be sent deep into the abyss of irrelevancy and low YouTube views. For this reason women must work hard to push the boundaries to keep their fans interested while male Popstars can simply cruise along with the same old tricks.

Reality is something I’m normally good at: I’m brash, bold and am often told that I could use a mouth filter, which I’m almost positive is code for duct tape. But when it comes to boyfriends, reality and honesty is a little bit harder for me.

Earlier this week Mr. Unexpected and I were hanging out and he did something that put me off; when he asked why I was acting weird I shrugged and told him to leave it alone. Leaving things alone is not his forte. He’s a fan of honesty and if he wanted someone for emotionless sex he’d get a booty call, so ignoring issues and not talking about the hard stuff doesn’t count as an option any more.

Everyone has things in their past that they don’t like talking about, things that we put away in a box that we never look at. But boxes are imperfect structures and sometimes the bad things leak out at inopportune moments and we have to deal. For me the dealing part has never been that difficult, but sharing all the parts of me, even the less-than-pretty parts, is really difficult.

When we first talked about making our relationship official Mr. Unexpected wasn’t sure that I was ready for a relationship, and to be honest neither was I. Now that I’m in it I’d hate to lose him, but how do I share all the parts of me without being a self-conscious mess?

I don’t think there’s an easy answer. It’s one step at a time. I started with my slightly crazy alarm clock neurosis (I can only set my alarm clock to an interval of 3), then I talked about the exes and finally I got to my family and that is where things got tough and my desire to hide under the covers and only share the shiny parts of myself kicked in.

One of my favourite things about Mr. Unexpected is that I’m not allowed to hide, I’m not allowed to only share the superficial bits and he has no problem telling me that.

Maybe what I’ve been looking for all these years isn’t just a manfriend or the perfect bed buddy; maybe what I’ve been looking for is someone who isn’t afraid of me, someone who doesn’t take my shit, someone who doesn’t let me hide or evade questions. Maybe what I needed is someone as opinionated and strong as I am.

It’s really nice to have someone who tells me to cut it out and be real; it’s kind of amazing that he won’t put up with the number of evasion tactics I’ve come up with over the years.

It’s about damn time I had a man that won’t let me walk all over him and won’t try and walk all over me. It’s about time I had someone who refuses to let me hide behind my emotional make-up.

If I didn’t think it would give him an even bigger ego I’d thank him for always making me talk things out.

Whether I’m in a relationship, starting a new one, or just dating someone, I tend to have rules, a lot of them. Rules keep me grounded; they help me feel in control and, most of all, they are there to protect me from getting hurt.

Last week I went on a date with a new man and I broke almost all of my rules. Don’t date someone who is friends with your friends, it leads to drama; I broke that one when I said yes to dinner. Don’t sleep with someone new on a first date; I broke that one, even though I told him I wouldn’t. Don’t constantly text and talk at the beginning of something new, leave a little mystery; I broke that one as we’ve been speaking daily since Saturday and have plans to see each other again in two days.

Someone wise, or really foolish, once said that rules are made to be broken and even though I have a rule for almost every situation, I find that my rules are more akin to guidelines; if I make it a rule, I have to think before I act.

So, I broke all of the rules with the cute, charming and oh-so-sexy City Boy. But, instead of being reckless and impulsive, I thought about what I was doing and I made a conscious choice to throw the rules out the window.

My rules are there to stop me from getting hurt, but, if I’m honest with you, I don’t believe that life or love happens without a little bit of pain. The good things are always worth fighting for, the great things don’t come freely, and the best things require so much of yourself that, if they end, it will hurt, a lot.

Is this new man going to be it? Maybe. Maybe not. But, if I bothered following all of the rules just to keep a little mystery I’d be doing myself and him a disservice because he’d be dating a diet version of me, toned down and with far less flavor.

I’ve always been a little wild and a lot impulsive, so my rules serve as a series of checks and balances – a reminder that I need to think, just a little, before I jump headfirst into something. But I don’t want men to fall for the me when I’m acting like someone else – the girl who doesn’t date certain people because it would be inappropriate, the girl who doesn’t embrace her sexuality, the girl who doesn’t fall in love on a regular basis. That girl? She isn’t me, she’s boring and she doesn’t know what she really wants.

I know what I want, I know who I am and I love that about myself; so I stop and think about my actions occasionally, but I almost never follow the rules – after all, they were made to be broken.

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