February 4, 2008

Have you lost the magic in your relationship? If so, look back and see when it started and what happened or didn’t happen at that time.

On the outside, there are various reasons…everyone is different…every relationship is different…and therefore there could be one reason and mixture of reasons or just the last straw.

However the outside is generally not the real reason…it’s normally to do with each person in the relationship…in the beginning you were attracted to each other for more than your looks, what you said, how you walked, your smile, etc…I believe you were attracted by the energy of each of you. What do I mean by this? We give off an aura of who we are, where we’ve come from, what’s happened in our lives…it’s all there in the way we hold ourselves, the way we speak, the way we walk, stand, sit…we tell a story without even telling it.

Once in the relationship, even though you may say to yourself consciously or unconsciously, “I’m not going to be like my parents” (or one of them), “This relationship won’t be like my parents’ marriage”, “This one’s different, and this won’t be like other relationships” and even “He’s not like my father” or “She’s not like my mother”…or words like that…what you’re focusing on is the previous relationships and how your loved one is not like a parent.

The important thing is to focus on the positive…whenever you use “Not” find the polar opposite to what that is eg “I’m not going to be like my parents”…find the polar opposite…where have you seen a couple that you believe have got it together and have a wonderful relationship or at least a good enough one…maybe in the films or on stage, in a book or a couple you know.

When you recall your ideal couple, then focus on them and state, “I have a relationship like ………”

Always keep your language positive and in the present…then the important thing is to see your role in your ideal relationship…start acting, speaking, etc like the woman or the man in your ideal relationship…let them be your role model and copy them.

Another reason the magic goes is that people stop trying…I’ve heard it many times and even said it myself, “I shouldn’t have to try because he’s the one for me and therefore it should just happen.”

NO! This is not the truth…if you want a picture you’re painting to look good, then you may be a natural artist but you have to make an effort, try your best, because this could be the difference between selling it or not selling it, selling it at a great price or selling it cheaply…

…so make sure you make the same effort in your relationship…say what you mean, say how you feel, give, remembering to receive well too, become more aware of yourself and your loved one, listen, watch, being loving, kind and thoughtful…not just on Valentine’s Day or their birthday but every day.

January 25, 2008

You are right…you must maintain your integrity and never compromise your true self…stay true to who you are.

In Chapter 2 of my book, Being Who We Truly Are, you will see how I encourage you to vision what you really want your relationship to look like and keep holding the vision even when you are challenged by your husband. There is a complete exercise to follow through with. Not only will you find this chapter in my book but you can get it for free when you sign up for my Weekly Advice and Action Steps.

I want you to hold the vision, as I’ve said, and to step into the role of you in the vision…see what it feels like when you actually have the relationship how you want it to be…then start being that person in real life.

At the same time, you must use “I” statements and say how you feel emotionally when you want to discuss something with your husband…it will go something like this…”I feel angry/hurt/sad/enraged/pain/miserable/confused/etc when you say/do … and what I would prefer you to say/do is …”

Of course you can use the good feelings when you praise him and are grateful for other things he does/says. This is imperative…you and I thrive on gratitude, praise and love…in fact babies die if they don’t get love.

It doesn’t matter how small it is, thank him and tell him how good you feel…washing the dishes, digging the garden, wiping his feet, putting the top on the toothpaste…thank him…even hugging you, taking notice of you, etc.

Staying with you is the only way, whether your husband has a delicate male ego or not.