Thought for Tuesday • I got those ConDem By-Election Blues

In the blue corner it’s Blueboy. In the yellow corner, Yellowfellow and they’ve agreed no need for a referee for this match. It’s a friendly.

And Blueboy’s straight into the centre taking all the attention, gloves high and Yellowfellow dithering a bit, has only just noticed the starting bell’s gone but Blueboy being a sport hasn’t laid a glove on him yet. And the first jab goes to Blueboy and again, again and another jab from the right. Friendly jab. Friendly jab — but getting a bit harder each time. Yellowfellow is taking it well, he’s dancing about a bit the middle. He’s here there and everywhere but hasn’t taken any decisive action yet. And Blueboy has thrown a proper punch — and missed! And another. Missed again! And the spectators look — well — confused.

There’s the bell and they’ve both gone to the wrong corners. Blueboy is now in Yellowfellow’s corner and Yellowfellow is over in the blue corner but they don’t seem to have noticed and as the bell goes for round two they come out jabbing towards each other and Yellowfellow has landed a punch. I don’t think he meant it… No. He’s going to see whether his opponent is all right and — he’s helping him up — keeping him in the game.

And Blueboy’s up and they touch gloves and they’re back in the thick of it. Blueboy has given Yellowfellow a bloody nose. The crowd gasps. Yellowfellow’s blood is definitely blue in colour. But he retaliates and jabs and Blueboy is on the canvas and taking a while to get up. Is he going to make the effort? And yes, there’s a cut above. A cut above, I say. And yellow blood is now streaming down Blueboy’s face and maybe that’s why he’s slow to get up. He doesn’t want to show the public he’s yellow.

The crowd can’t tell the difference any more. They’ve stopped cheering. If there was a referee he might have stepped in by now but the crowd is leaving as the two continue to shadow-box in the ring. They both look very tired indeed but the canvassing continues as they throw weak

Punch after Punch

And that’s where we leave them for now lying together in the ring. Blue might win on points but there are no losers – not in this match.