Relationships - Putting Dreams on Hold for a Spouse

Updated on February 4, 2012

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I have been watching American Idol for the past 2 weeks and I noticed quite a few women who told the Judges how they had put their dreams on hold for their spouse. One lady said, she put hers on hold to help her partner pursue his dreams. They pursued his dreams and then he ended up pursuing other women. Another had a similar story and was in the middle of a Divorce.

It reminded me of a time in the 90s when I had left an Administrative Officer post in the Civil Service and was fortunate to get a Job as an Office Manager in an American Company. It meant, I would earn £6,000 more than my previous job. A huge step upwards in my career. I was making progress. My partner at the time then got a job with a very big British company and out of love, I decided to relocate with him and one year into the Job, I reluctantly resigned as an Office Manager.

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Long story short. Things didn’t work out between us. He turned so mean and they suspended him from work, as there were serious staff allegations against him. At the time I had huge regrets that I sacrificed so much for him, (It wasn't just my Job) but I found the confidence to return to London, stay with a friend and get a job. I got one and a few years later, set up a small business in IT Training. The rest is history. It was a good move.

So, I encourage any woman or man out there, who has made a huge love sacrifice, not to feel depressed about it. It’s a hard blow, but you have to find the courage to recharge your batteries, envision where you want to be and get moving again. When things start to fall into place again, you won’t feel the hurt any more. You’ll just see it as a bad chapter of your Life.

Comments 31 comments

xixi12 4 years ago from Everywhere but here. In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. You can never be truly free till you have the discipline to manage it.

You are so right lady_E, we live in a world where we are made to believe that our dreams take second place to that of the man. And what happens, the man then really shows the women that they are second place. I say live your dreams as a woman, cause it is when you are happy that you can give more to your relationship. Nice hub and thanks for sharing

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Completely true:-) Just a bad chapter in life which made you develop into this wonderful and strong woman.

Absolutely loved your Hub! It seems you were right about the love I found in life. When I broke up you posted such a forseeing comment about getting back together.

That Hub is no longer published but I cherish the comments and know I'll be heading to a huge sacrifice as well. Possible moving to Brazil for good. For the sake of love. I really can't wait!

Voted up, shared and away:-) Love Escobana

suni51 4 years ago

This made me think a lot and takes me back in flash back. But I would keep it to myself as my wife may give me a smile if she gets to read my comment here. I hope you know what I mean.

Made 4 years ago from Finland

I really like this hub. Many people just follow a certain pattern in their life because of other people's expectations. Voted up and shared!

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@xixi12

Thanks so much for sharing. I like what you wrote about "when we are happy, we can give more to the relationship..."

Best Wishes.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Escobana

Hi, Lovely to hear from you again. I hope things work out for you. What we call sacrifice, I also see as a risk. On a positive note, I did make another sacrifice. lol.... but it was worth it. I write that to encourage you that things can work out in a beautiful way.

Wishing you well, Elena xx

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Suni

I read your comment and had a blank face, then read it the second time and said "aaaah..." lol. I know what you mean.

You proved everyone wrong? and I know from reading your articles here and on other sites that you are a very happy family man.

Thanks for stopping. :)

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Made

So true many just follow a certain pattern...but sadly some don't really have a choice. E.g Some religions/families are so strict - once you are married you have to do whatever your husband says. If he says his wife can't work, then she dare not disobey. I'm so glad we have freedom in the West.

I appreciate you stopping by. Cheers.

rasta1 4 years ago from Jamaica

I don't mind following a woman in pursuing her dreams. I like when a woman is passionate about something.

Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Really thoughtful hub on an important subject. I have always told my girls to get an education. My daugher decided to stay home with their son but still goes to school. I keep up my nurses license even after I retired last year. You never know what the future holds. Pays to be smart..but we all have given up a part of ourselves for someone else..does not mean we have failed..just part of life..Thank you.

smzclark 4 years ago from cheshire

Couldn't have said it better myself! :-)

suzettenaples 4 years ago from Taos, NM

Great hub! I'm glad you didn't give up and wallow in bitterness and despair. You have a lot of courage and I commend you! Voted up!

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@rasta1

That is so beautiful to read and your other half will love and respect you even more for it. Thanks.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Sunnie Day

Thanks for sharing your experience. I like that. I notice a lot of people retire and 6 months later they return to work part time or maybe as a Consultant. Spending time in life to get training for a particular profession goes a long way. It also means you can just do a few hours a week because it will be well paid. Cheers...

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@smzclark

Thanks so much for stopping. Best Wishes.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Suzette Naples

Thanks for your kind words. We just have to keep moving on in life. Cheers. :)

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@TheFinanceHub

Thanks for stopping by. Regards.

paulgc 4 years ago

Hello Lady_E,

This is a very interesting article and has got me thinking...Are spouses worthy enough of such a sacrifice? does love cater for such a concession?

I need more time to think lol.

Fantastic hub, voted up and awesome.

P.S, im glad you eventually found the courage to succeed in London, Respect to you for being such a strong willed woman.

JDove-Miller 4 years ago from YOUNGSVILLE

Very Interesting.People make sacrifices everyday for the sake of their marriages, and often that is a good thing. The problem comes when we sacrifice what is basic to who we are just to stroke the other person's ego. Then we tread on dangerous,self-destructive waters.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Paulgc

Lol... I laughed at your first paragraph. Thanks for your kind comments. Lovely to read another comment from you today.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@JDove-Miller

Brilliant advice - I'm glad you shared it and thanks for also stopping by my Love Poem today.

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

We live and learn. Each experience is another stepping stone to get where we are going. The important aspect, did we learn along the way? There's always going to be a bump in the road. We just have to learn to drive around the bump. Life is a give and take situation, i'm still working on this one..Great Hub..Thank you Elena.

KittyK 4 years ago

This is a tough place to be in and while I have never had to make a choice, I know others who have and most of the time both people were able to work things out and follow their dreams in their respective careers. Disappointments are tough, but they surely make us stronger for them...

ImKarn23 4 years ago

Wow...do I know this story! Not personally, thank goodness, but close enough. A good friend put her high school boyfriend then husband through medical school. It took years and years and along the way they had 3 children and she gained about 30 pounds. She worked full time and raised the kids and within months of him graduating and going into private practice? He dumped her for his secretary (i kid you not). Stay the path, girls...Great advice, Lady E!

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@alwaysexploring

Hi Ruby - I love your wise words. There will always be a bump in the road. Sadly, its' on the road we least expect. I'm glad you stopped by. :)

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@KittyK

Thanks for the inspiring words Kitty. Such situations do make people stronger. Cheers.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@ImKarn23

That's so sad and a very tough one. Some people forget the spiritual Law of reaping what they sow. I just wonder if his Career will be a successful one - he didn't just leave her, he left his kids. That's not good karma for his life. Forgive me for going on a bit.

I hope she gets over it, becomes a strong, beautiful woman and finds someone who will Cherish her....if he doesn't come back. Thanks for sharing.

shimmering Dawn 4 years ago

Lady_E I like the wisdom in your words, don't be bitter. Oftentimes things don't work out well despite the fact that we have made huge sacrifices, but like you I would say don't let bitterness rankle and spoil the kind of person you are. Beautifully said. I love the way you write! Be a blessing! Peace!

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@shimmering Dawn

Thanks for your kind and inspiring words. I am glad you stopped by.

Best Wishes. :)

Doctore Evile 4 years ago from the Northeast of the U.S.A

This is an excellent example of that age old saying, "beat 'em by living well."

JDove-Miller 4 years ago from YOUNGSVILLE

Good advice, Lady E. Since, in marriage, compromises must be made, I guess the thing to do when one partner sacrifices a dream for the other is to put a time limit on the sacrifice so that the one doing the sacrificing doesn't get left out in the cold, feeling miserable and cheated.

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK Author

@Doctore Evile

Thanks. I appreciate you stopping by. :-)

@JDove- Miller - That's a brilliant idea about putting a time limit. I will definitely share this with anyone who finds themself in that situation and needs words of wisdom.