Life

Medical relationships

By:
Katherine Bettany

What is it like to be in a relationship at medical school? Because it’s Valentine’s day this month, we’ve asked three medical student couples to tell us about the challenges of dating another medic, as well as the advantages and awkward situations that can arise.

Second years

Dean Salmon and Rachel Keown, second year medical students, Queen’s University Belfast,

How long have you been together?

Did you meet at medical school?

Yes, we are in the same year at Queen’s University Belfast, and met at a party after exams in January of our first year. Following this we were put into the same self-selected component, which got us working on a presentation together. We started talking to each other a lot more and seeing each other in the gym most days. From this we got to know each other and eventually started going out.

What are the advantages of a relationship with another medic?

We have very similar timetables so it’s easier to see each other than if we were doing completely different courses. We also have the same group of friends so most of our nights out and events are the same. As well as this, during exam revision we both know when to give each other space as we both understand the stress of medical exams. We both understand medical jargon, which is good for when we are telling stories about our day.

What are the challenges?

There are certain times of the year when both of us have a high work load and it’s hard to fit seeing each other in. Also, sometimes the stress of some days can put you in a bad mood and it’s hard not to get grumpy with someone. Another challenge is that we find that we are quite competitive with each other at times. It is hard to not exclude any of our other friends on our course and school friends, but we try and make time to see everyone and so far we’ve done this quite well.

Do you think it’s a good idea to try and get the same rotations/same hospitals for attachments, or sit together in lectures?

There’s a possibility that if we were on the same attachments (which we are not at the minute) we would be spending most of the day together, every day. We wouldn’t try to sit beside each other in lectures, and we try to keep ourselves separate in medicine so that we don’t get fed up with each other. This also prevents us excluding our friends or making people beside us feel awkward.

Any awkward situations?

A few weeks ago, we had to hand our phones in for an exam. When Dean was collecting his phone from the lecturer she started enquiring about our relationship after seeing a photo on his phone cover, which was quite embarrassing.

Final years

Sam Byrne and Verena Byrne, final year medical students, Imperial College London

How long have you been together?

We met towards the end of our first year of medical school, but didn’t really get to know each other until second year. We got together that year—we’ve been together just over four years. We got engaged after about two years, and got married in June 2012, after our intercalated (fourth) year. We didn’t want to put our lives on hold by waiting until the end of medical school to get married.

What are the advantages of a relationship with another medic?

What are the challenges?

It can be hard not to end up in a “medic bubble” with no distinction between home and studying. But, we have lots of non-medic friends to take us away from it, and we have days without any studying or medic-related conversations. It was also challenging planning a wedding while doing our intercalated BSc year, but we managed it.

Do you think it’s a good idea to try and get the same rotations/same hospitals for attachments?

In our fifth year we swapped groups so that we’d be studying the same thing at the same time. It was useful to be on the same wave length and good for revision too. This year we have had quite a few attachments together, simply because we have the same surname. In general, the same hospital is great, although the same attachment can be a little too much for both of us. However, we’re making the most of the time together, as it’s unlikely to ever happen when we’re doctors.

Any awkward situations?

We try to avoid them, but it’s always hard to know when to drop “by the way, we’re married,” into conversation, and to know when it’s relevant. When we’ve been on firms together, we don’t tend to tell the doctors, but often someone notices our rings, and that we have the same surname, and then tends to ask. If they don’t notice, they’re generally not interested.

How have you found the paired application process?

How did you decide whose name to use in your professional lives?

Verena: This is definitely one of the advantages of getting married before you become a doctor, as you’re not yet known by your surname. It was an easy decision to take Sam’s surname knowing that it would be much simpler to just be known by one name, rather than the difficulties of juggling two.