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How to deal with a nosy neighbour

Picture this. You’re exhausted after a long day at work and when you reach home, all you want is some peace and quiet. But as you step into your building, you bump into a neighbour who has a flurry of questions for you. Why are you home so late? Who did you go out with? What’s in your grocery bag? If you’re lucky, the interest in your life stops at this and doesn’t extend to peeping in your windows and holding a glass to the wall to eavesdrop on your conversation. If any of this sounds familiar, you need a pest control strategy for the people next door. Let’s get you started.

Observe the ‘enemy’ When corporate communications and PR executive Maahika Swamy moved to Chennai and into an apartment on her own, she found that the conservative couple in the apartment opposite hers was always curious about her lifestyle. “I used to leave around 10am and return around 10pm. They were probably asleep by then. So, every morning, I would be asked questions like where I was, who dropped me home, what I had for dinner, and so on. Now I’ve realised that the politest way to deal with this is to avoid them. So, I work my schedule in such a way now that I slink off early and get household errands done in the morning, or leave a little later than usual. They don’t know when to catch me, so the constant interrogation has stopped. It’s a little tough to juggle my schedule, but that’s the best way out.”

Understand their motives Chances are, your nosy neighbours are just lonely and looking for thrills through your life. This is especially true in the case of people who have a lot of time on hand. Chennai-based psychologist Manjula MK says, “If your neighbour is being nosy, figure out why they are so interested in your daily affairs. If it’s just a simple case of their having nothing to do, suggest a hobby, earmark a certain amount of time to spend with them, and make it very clear that they cannot intrude in your space beyond that. It’s likely that if you meet them halfway, these guys will back off.”

Block their viewOne of the easiest ways to keep out a nosy neighbour is to make your house a fortress. Use curtains and blinds effectively, shut the windows whenever you’re not home, try and soundproof one of the rooms. Once they realise they’re unable to spy on you from the comfort of their home, they’ll slowly lose interest.

Be boring Manjula says, “Often, neighbours tend to be nosy only if they believe that you could be the source of gossip or entertainment, and that’s when they try to pry out juicy details from your life. Be as uninteresting as possible when you know they’re around. You could just smile, give one-word, monosyllabic and insipid answers, and feign ignorance. You are not obliged to share any information with them, or welcome them into your house if you’re not up for it.”

Close that door Pranati Hashim, who lives in a gated community on the outskirts of Chennai, says, “Even though our neighbours wanted to figure out every detail of our lives, and kept dropping in unannounced, we used to put up with them so we could foster community spirit. Things, however, got out of hand one day when we were entertaining top officials from my husband’s office, and they just barged in, made themselves at home, didn’t take our hints to leave, and started quizzing these people as well. We were embarrassed, and had to apologise to our guests several times. We have started giving them the cold shoulder ever since, and they have stopped bothering us.”

Do unto nosy… While tit for tat may sound like a childish strategy, it is often very effective. If your neighbour is so interfering that you can’t deal with it anymore, start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Ask them where they’re going, how much they earn, why they argued yesterday and so on. Return unwanted advice with more unwanted advice from your end such as guidance on family planning, sermons on atheism, etc. If they call you out, use the same tactics to call them out when they interfere.

Ring the alarmIf your neighbour’s interference is bordering on obsession or stalking, don’t hesitate to confront them, and let them know that you’re onto them. “Cyber-stalking is common nowadays, but neighbours do it the old-fashioned way, which is far more creepy because there are things you haven’t really put in ‘public domain’,” says Manjula. “Tell them straight up that their behaviour is freaking you out, and that you want them to back off. If that doesn’t set them right and you believe things could get out of hand, call the cops,” she adds.