My mother!

my mom and i have had a very close relationship since my son was born 4 years ago, and so what happened last night is really getting to me. okay so i have had one hell of weekend with my husband. we fought all weekend and even while he had his daughter here at OUR home he still had the nerve to be an ass towards me. okay so yesterday i took my son to a birthday party and afterwards we stopped by my aunts house for dinner(husband stayed home) so while i was at my aunts my mother called and she assumed that my husbands OC had spent the night and i had taken her to the party with me, i told her no and that the child had gone home the same day she came over, my mother wanted to know why. so i told her that the child no longer spends the night at our house and that she only comes over for the day now. well MY mother begans to tell me how wrong i am and that this is not fair to the child and think about how the child must feel blah!blah!blah! i was like damn what about me what about all i have sacrificed so that he can be a part of his childs life. it amazes me that no one acknowledges that i even alllow him to bring his kid to our home, or that i am still with his lying cheating ass, or all the things i have done for this man and his OC. i just could not believe how she was telling me how wrong i am. this is not a child that he had before i came along and i had to accept in order to be with him, he had this child as a result of him running around behind my back. it just pisses me off that people who are on the outside looking in have such an opinion about something they know nothing about. i have decided that i will not talk to anyone about this situation but you guys. it just hurts that everyone wants me to put my own needs and the needs of my child aside to do what is right for a kid that i did not even ask to be here,a child whos being i had no say so in. it amazes me how everyone almost acts as if this is normal. to people like my mother and my best friend who is on my moms bandwagon i say "when your husband cheats on you and gets the other woman pregnant-let me know how easy it is.?

Jae, I would be freakin out if my mother ever pulled that shit on me. YES WE KNOW IT IS NOT THE CHILDS FAULT....BUT UNTIL THEY WALK IN OUR SHOES, THEY SHOULD JUST KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES. AS WELL MEANING AS THEY THINK THEY ARE, THEY HAVE NO FRIGGIN CLUE. NO CLUE OF HOW MUCH OUR HEART BREAKS EVERYTIME WE EVEN THINK OF THE KID. Sorry for all the caps, can you tell it really gets to me. Since H is in the military I have not had to deal with visitation yet, but it will happen sooner than I would like. I mean DANM doesn&#039;t anyone realize how major a trigger these OC are. I am sorry Jae, sorry you can&#039;t even count on your own immediate family for unconditional support and understanding. Always know we will understand and always see your point of view. Lots of HUGS girl.

you have no idea how much that means to me. as i have said before-his family turned on me as soon as they found out and my family never flipped on him. they did not like what he did to me and our son but they still supported him. i can&#039;t believe that my mother is mad at me when she is the one trying to tell me how i should feel. i can&#039;t understand why someone who has been madly in love with a man or woman before can not even try to understand what this must feel like. i just can&#039;t get over how my mother acted towards me, she was really serious about what is best forhis other kid, im like damn im your kid and i have your grandson-what about how this has affected us. im tired of people telling me that i should put his kid first-fuck that-i have to put me and my son first. im like when i drop dead from all this stress will you get it then. im just sick of this crap, i wish i had the money to pack up me and my son and leave town for good. thanks for your support.

Though my SS was here before I was married, still seeing him reminds me now more than ever of his mother. Especially since he looks like her when he smiles. Its very heart breaking. After the first time that I saw my SS again, I did tell my H that I didn&#039;t want his son over but I did have friends who disagreed with me and they did talk to me about it. Its not fair for me to say that when he does live in my house and pay the bills. It hurts like hell but when we makes decisions to stay in a situation, we are in essence excepting every thing that comes along with it. I know you will not like me or my opinion for saying this but I do agree with your mom, though I don&#039;t know the entire situation (ie how the OW handles the situation). HOWEVER, you have to do it on your own time. You have to forgive when you are ready. No its not easy. BUT I will caution you - my grandparents have 6 kids and my grandfather has at least 6 kids with another woman. Because my grandmother is bitter (still is and they are in their 80s) I don&#039;t know any of my other aunts and one uncle nor my other counsins. Granted I know you are not have a complete separation but your child and YOUR SD do feel your emotions. NO ONE is saying by any means that you should toss your feelings aside. You shouldn&#039;t but since you stayed your feelings do have to be dealt with. Forgiveness is for YOU no one else. The stress will continue until you finally have had enough and you either leave or forgive. For me I may never have any children but I will continue to treat my SS as if he is my own. I always tell my H - never give anyone any ammo. Meaning - we all make mistakes and no one is perfect but don&#039;t give anyone any ammo to use against you. This OW will probably tell her child that you are the B and look how you treat her. Don&#039;t give her ammo to use against you. Though it hurts me personally i would have taken my SC but also too I do always want to prove that I am a better mother than the OW and an overall better person because I can be more mature. Sometimes the right thing isn&#039;t the easiest thing to do. I hope you ladies don&#039;t jump on me too bad. Many HUGS and PRAYERS to you.

I also wanted to add that I do understand your feelings. I myself wish that my SS had never been born. It would make my life easier. Though I totally love my SS to death I still have those feelings. I also wish at times that BM would die so we can have my SS and move on. But because I can&#039;t have those things and I decided to stay in this f&#039;ed up situation - I deal with it one day at a time.

im not mad at you for your opinion. i just wish it was that easy. too love a man the way i love my husband and have him go out and make a baby with another woman is devasting. i have never or will never mistreat this child and i really have tried to accept her and treat her like one of my own but looking at her is just to painful. i hate them for what they have done to this child but i just can&#039;t fix it. it really hurts because people make me feel like because this is his child, like im just his wife and that my feeling should not matter when it comes to this child. you know had i walked into this with the child already here then i would have no choice but to accept it but it is extremely hard to accept the child when i am in so much pain over the fact that she is even here. i tried to accept the child but do i give up the man i married and gave birth to his child because i i can&#039;t accept the child that he had behind my back. this is just hard and it is crazy. i wish it were easier. we are in counseling and we will see where that takes us.

Hugs to you! I wish it was easier as well. Its really hard because you do go through the natural emotional part of dealing with just the betrayal and then to find out that if you stay then you have to deal with it for the rest of your lives. It would be so much easier if you can not deal with the ow ever again so its a constant cycle. You don&#039;t strike me as someone that would hurt his daughter and I know for me its a little easier because my SS was there before the A. I now am starting to try my best to not even think about her and when she does pop in my head to remind myself she doesn&#039;t even matter. When my SS is here I try to remind myself that this is the closest thing to a family he may ever know because his mom won&#039;t let my H go. Its such a screwed up situation that men put themselves in. I really hope that your H (which it seems like it) tries to really understand your feelings. It seems that since he feels torn that he feels his best option is to not even have her around. Unfortunately men don&#039;t understand us and i guess that is where communication comes in which I&#039;m learning more to try to do.

jaeW,
I&#039;m so sorry your mom wasn&#039;t being supportive to your needs at this time. I&#039;ve learned there is no longer any right or wrong here. It&#039;s just making it though the day from this point on. I&#039;ve been very fortunate with my parents and sisters and their support has been overwhelming. More than anything....I love the fact they are silent about their hatred towards my husband. Now my brother isn&#039;t quite so quiet. He really wants me to leave my H and definatly does not want to meet this child. FYI: none of my family members have met him yet. But they&#039;ve seen pictures. Your mom is expressing her view and we have to accept the fact that we&#039;re all entitled to our own opinion. JaeW you know yourself better than your own mother. If this is what you need right now than do what is best for you. You may change your mind later on, but than again you may not. This maybe telling you that you&#039;re completely done too. Whatever choice you make, just make sure it&#039;s the best choice for you....not the best choice for any of them.

thanks guys. well my mother called this morning as if nothing ever happened and that was fine with me. i had to make her understand that until you have been in this situation you have no idea what it feels like. i can&#039;t say i know what chemo feels like if i have never had cancer(no offense) but to judge someones situation if you have never been there is just wrong. everyone is entilted to their opinion but you just never know until you have lived in that moment. i don&#039;t know what will happen but i am finally putting my needs and the needs of my sons above anyone else&#039;s. no i would never hurt that child, and i have done a lot for her, but her existence is just more than my heart can deal with. I TRIED! i am done trying to please everyone else while killing myself. yes this kid is innocent but i know that i did not put her in this situation and i can&#039;t fix it either. i have tried and it is just too much for me. my son needs his father and i have to do what is best for him.

JaeW you have my love and support. As I have shared before my husbands family is just in heaven about all of this they get his child and get this, his mother who has never ever kept our children keeps this child. My family have been supportive but as you stated somethings I have learned you have to ONLY share with people who have been where you are. My sister told me that I should LET HIM GO AND BE WITH HIS REAL FAMILY as if I where making him stay!!!!!!!!!!!!!So know this that we are hear for you .

thanks honesty1-i really do appreciate and know that you guys are here for me. i have vowed to never talk about any of this with those &quot;on the outside looking in!&quot; yes the child is innocent, yes he asked her to have an abortion everyday, yes he would &quot;take this back if could,&quot; yes he loves me and our son more than anything, yes he is SORRY, blah!blah!blah! but the fact still remains that this is so wrong and so painful and people who don&#039;t know-don&#039;t know. oh an yes i can see you with the handcuffs making your husband stay! isn&#039;t it amazing how people think.

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