The CY Leung left luggage saga is STILL grinding on, with CY having to reject accusations this week that he had made an airline worker cry during a phone conversation. Here’s 15 things that CY might do to make us cry—for better or for worse.

1. Call us on the phone and reveal that he’s not angry with us for criticizing him, he’s just disappointed.

2. Take candy from us when we were babies.

3. Destroy the final tree in the forest, causing us to weep a single tear.

4. Pepper-spray us, “for the lolz.”

5. Tell us to cut onions for his mirepoix, while he did the easy carrots and celery. Selfish.

6. Kick us really hard in the gonads.

7. Drive us to madness, leaving us raging into a typhoon as we shed our clothes and yell his name into the indifferent universe.

8. Kill our entire family, cook them into a stew and feed them to us. To add insult to injury, he’d underseason the stew.

9. Adopt a puppy; kick the puppy.

10. Tell that joke about the pan-democrat, the pro-Beijinger and the Chief Executive that always leaves us in tears.

12. Take us drinking, get us maudlin drunk as we regret all the paths not taken in life.

13. Write a masterful short story published in The New Yorker, a searing tale of guilt and regret that penetrates to the very core of our souls and leaves us sobbing on the kitchen floor.

14. Lead us through a method acting masterclass in which he teaches us to reach deep into our own traumas to bring out the true pain of our characters.

15. We’re having just the worst day and we get home in an awful mood, but then CY is there stirring a pot of chili con carne with Miles Davis on the radio. He feeds us and gives us a soothing back rub until our emotions just bubble over. What. A. Man.