Missed Review Headline Opportunities

The hardest part of writing an article is always coming up
with a good headline. This is especially true for reviews, and while the GI
crew tries its best to come up with some clever headlines, there's always room
for improvement. Join me as I take a look back at some recent review headlines
and make them a bit more awesome.

I'm no stranger to coming up with great titles. I provided
Square Enix with plenty of options for the
next Kingdom Hearts, and I also took it upon myself to name
the next Disgaea for Nippon Ichi. Coming up with some amazing review
headlines should be a cinch, so let's get started.

I actually suggested this headline to Tim, but he decided to
go with a subtler callback to the theme song, using the phrase "Duck Blur"
instead. Banking on the player's nostalgia of the cartoon is definitely the
right call, but what's more memorable than the chorus line? Besides, even if
they don't remember it, the "It's Good!" at the end tells you all you need to
know.

Kim's headline for Gone Home is a smart reference to the
secrets and memories that you uncover while playing the game. The only problem?
It's a little too smart. How am I
supposed to know she's not talking about how many physical items you can literally
shove in a house? My headline cuts out the ambiguity, telling you exactly what
you should do – you don't even have to use your brain!

Kyle's headline does a pretty good job of conveying that
Spartan Assault delivers all the enjoyment of normal Halo game in a smaller
downloadable title. But is that really better than making a reference to an
already overused line from the seven-year-old film 300? I'll let you be the judge...

Matt's review
headline for The Last of Us tells you that acclaimed developer Naughty Dog has
another hit on its hands, one with a darker tone than its previous work.
However, it doesn't kind-of rhyme with the title of the game. "A Blast of YES!!!" captures the visceral enjoyment
you'll get from playing the game – and the words sound like the words in the
title. Genius!

Matt chose another
succinct headline for Beyond, this time capturing the sense of disappointment
and failed potential of Quantic Dream's latest adventure. My headline aims to
do the same – only it's punny. Be-yawned: Too Bad was actually a joint effort
between Tim, Ben Hanson, and I, so Matt shouldn't feel too bad for not coming
up with something quite as awesome all by himself.