Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Musical journey (53)

This month's musical piece is a song I wrote on the eve of 2000 and I still cannot believe that 15 years have passed so quickly since then, when I just started university. A youngster with rock-bottom self-esteem and zero life experience struggling with his sexuality and looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, I was one maladjusted homosexual. Not really a boy but barely a man, I had to brave the arduous journey of self-discovery and constantly pick myself up after having fallen and my heart broken by people I did not even know. Never losing faith though, I had the same single dream of finding a partner for many years. In fact I kept that dream alive for so long that on the eve of 2000, I truly felt I have had it for a thousand years, hoping that it can come true in the next millennium.

Loneliness is very easily magnified in celebratory crowds especially when they consist of happy couples and countdown parties on new year's eve are a prime example where sadness in people just gets worse. On 31 December 1999 I needed an outlet for my depression and so I wrote this song. 15 years on when I hear this song again on the same day, those emotions back then still manage to get to me. Fortunately I am now in a much better position, happily married and all. I guess being steadfast and holding on to the same dream relentlessly did pay off in the end.

Here's to a fabulous year ahead. Happy 2015.

[一千年的美梦]词 / 曲 : 锦泉

听寂寞的钟填补心里的洞听孤单的风带来一丝寒冻耳边熙熙攘攘喧哗闹众听自己呼吸最感动

看灿烂烟火炫耀心里的孔看赤裸夜空带来无限的痛眼前无数身影放肆晃动看自己泪水眼底涌

一千年的美梦換来的只有痛过了今夜过了这一秒我还会剩什么

一千年去匆匆我无法回头为何末日没有来让一切告终

快答应自己 从今要好好地活就算从明日起 痛会历历如昨来重新编制一个美梦日子还是一样要过

[A Dream of a Thousand Years]

Listen to the lonesome ticking of the clock as the sound fills the emptiness in my heart
Listen to the solitary wind bringing a little chill
Listen to the noise from the crowd beside my ears
Listen to the sound of my breaths which touches me the most

Look at the brilliance of the fireworks highlighting the hole in my heart
Look at the naked sky a moment later bringing unending pain
Look at the countless swaying shadows in front of me
Look at the tears welling in my eyes

A dream of a thousand years
In exchange for nothing else but heartache
After this very second at the end of the night
What would I be left with

A thousand years so fleeting
Giving me no time to look back
Why did doomsday not arrive
To put an end to everything

Tell yourself that from now on you shall live your life well
Even though the pain tomorrow will be like yesterday
And make yourself another dream
For life still goes on