Sunday, May 1, 2016

It's been two years since I've posted on this blog, and have I been busy...

SLOWLY

KILLING

MYSELF

There really is too much to tell you about in one post to get you up to date on the incredible life changing events that have come into my life.

Some of the things that happened to me were good, honest! From April 1, 2014 until January 2015 my life was actually heading in a very healing and healthy direction. I finally left my now ex-husband and had moved to Sedona, Arizona. I worked at a place I loved, doing a job I was born to do. Yet the stress of that job was incredibly demanding of me and although I was incredible at doing the job I was unable to care for MYSELF while working. My health started deteriorating after about six months and I just powered through it because that's what I thought I was supposed to do.

In mid January, after several illnesses that put me in bed for weeks at a time, I finally went for help with my lack of energy and vitality. It was recommended that I needed to eat meat again to save my adrenals and my health. At that point in my life I was looking to grasp onto anything to help me keep my energy and the job I loved, and so after all those years, I went back to meat. Not just occasionally, but DAILY. The weird thing is that at first I did feel tons more energy.

Not long after I started eating meat, the weight started and it just keeps creeping up more and more everyday. After awhile the meat led to dairy, bread, sweets and next thing I knew I was eating SAD again. Several times I would try juicing but my 'taste' for green juices has disappeared. My joy for life also disappeared and I no longer cared about the weight or what I ate. I couldn't get the energy up to do the job I loved let alone the WILL to go into work. My whole system, body, mind and spirit were just off. In the past year and a half I've not only not cared about what goes into my body but the amount of alcohol I've consumed has been... well, I don't even want to think about it.

It's not surprising that around the time I quit caring about life, a very dear man that I loved with my whole heart passed away. A man that looked to be in perfect physical health on the outside but on the inside, his blood literally was cancerous. This man lifted weights, exercised DAILY, ate incredibly well if not too much meat and not enough vegetables if you'd have asked me. When a man that looked healthy and yet died in less than two years of being diagnosed... well, not only was my heart broken but my whole world was turned upside-down. My own will to live kinda seemed to die with him.

In four days, it will be the first anniversary of my love's passing. In nine days my youngest son, my baby will join the Army and head to Basic Training.

In twenty days I will have lived in Kimball for a year, something I never thought would happen. It was only supposed to be a stop off to something better and yet I am hiding here, wishing with most passing days that I would just not wake up.

Today I did not wake up with the intention of deciding to live. It is literally because it is May 1st that I've decided to choose LIFE. The month, the dates, shoot, I went RAW VEGAN the first time May 7, 2007. Everything about this month suggests change for me. BEGS FOR CHANGE AND LIFE.

And so... Here I go.

The plan is to go on a LIQUID ONLY FAST for the entire calendar month of May, if not longer. Fresh made green juices, lots of water and herbal teas (I just happened to have bought a case of Tulsi Detox Tea last week). That's it really. Oh, lots of WALKING, assuming the weather behaves. Now I know there are those of you out there that will disagree with my liquid only choice and that's okay. I know what I need to do. I know what I did nine years ago that literally saved my life and that's what I'm going to do again. Nine years ago - I believe - I did 45 days of juices and smoothies. So I will start with thirty days of juicing and then switch to two weeks of smoothies followed by 100% raw. That's the plan. It's all I've got to hold onto anymore. I've got to find the health, the energy, the strength and the vitality to LIVE and to get myself out of the rut I'm in.

So... I'm headed into the kitchen to clean it, fill up some boxes and take the SAD food to the food pantry and make a list of veggies I need to buy when I go out of town tomorrow.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Here's some pictures of just a few of the MANY raw desserts I've made over the last 7 years. I really thought I had taken more pictures! Lol What I found interesting is that in all the pictures I haven't photographed ANY of my raw chocolates! Not my Magic Brownie Bites, not my Halva... nothing. I guess I ate them too fast :) I also realized I've never photographed any of my raw ice creams either. Again, the likely hood is that I just ate them all before photographing :)

Double layer Berry Cheesecake (blackberry on top and strawberry underneath)

I call this "Sprite Cheesecake" a Lemon-Lime cheesecake with Raspberry drizzle

Ummm... A favorite of mine when I lived in East Texas and could pick my own blackberries! Blackberry Pie <3 br="">3>

I believe these were quick individual crust-less berry pies with chunky coconut cream and chocolate toppings

One of my favorites, a Vanilla cheesecake with a berry layer on top

Another photo of my PURE and seedless Blackberry Pie

This was a triple berry bottom layer made with Irish Moss then a berry cheesecake later topped with vanilla cheesecake

Lavender Lemon Cheesecake with my favorite nutty crust.

Mango Berry Pie with a date walnut crust, tastes awesome but not a good keeper as it gets watery

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The sink is full of dirty dishes. I promised to sweep and mop the hardwood floors. I have washed all the clothes and bedding. I need to clean the bathrooms and kitchen really well before I take off so my husband has a clean and organized house.

My packing is not finished but my car is already nearly full. I still need to pack my clothes and all my kitchen stuff and superfoods - oh, and my oil and water paints.

Yet all I can think about is SEDONA and the life that is awaiting me there.

I found this picture online and it's not mine but the words are mine. I used to think I was a failure. That I wasn't good enough. That I was weak and a follower even though my lion heart felt differently. I AM strong. I AM good enough. I AM a leader of my own Path. And I can't wait to get in my car Saturday morning and head towards everything that awaits me on the path that I've been forging for all these years. Who knew that the shy and sensitive little country girl from Nebraska would someday be a 45 year old recently empty nester, newly separated (from her second marriage), raw foodie and Mystical Sage on the verge of the most fantastic and solitary journey of her life. Not me. I'm grateful for all my "mis"-steps in Life because without them I'd not be where I am today. My future holds so many unknowns but I'm ready for them because I head into it with an Open Mind and a Heart full of LOVE.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

40 DAYS TO PHYSICAL SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL RESET

and I wanted you to know that it went terrific!

I decided not to continue blogging about each and every little thing, every single day but I did continue journaling. Oh, there were a few days that I didn't. There were several days I never got around to yoga and admittedly there were a few days I didn't meditate to the extent that I wanted to. Chanting kinda fell by the wayside and my ego does feel badly about that but Ganesha understands that I always come back.

Now... how did the diet portion go you are wondering. Well, I did not do it exactly as I'd originally set out to but I did what my body needed. That is something we all need to understand. We need to do what our bodies need, not what the latest diet fad is, not what the most popular food guru says we should do, but what our physical bodies need at their core.

So this is what I did as far as my 'diet'.

I drank only smoothies for the first 20 days

I transitioned from smoothies to 100% raw food for 5 days, eating mainly fruit and salads for one meal at lunch and smoothies the rest of the time

The last 15 days I drank a smoothie or juice for breakfast and ate 100% raw vegan the rest of the day

And the best news of all.... (wait for it...) I'm still 100% raw vegan and I feel amazing! I now remember all that I loved about being raw and I feel that this time I will not faulter. I've lived through and experienced food addictions all over again in a much bigger way than ever before. I've recognized and acknowledged what foods, situations and emotions pull me away from being raw. It's not an easy road for me, especially in the living situation that I've been in all these years. Living with SAD eaters and having my foods looked at as 'gross and disgusting' is just nearly impossible to deal with. Yet, I've learned these past 40 days to remember to LOVE MYSELF. I am a goddess of the Love and Light and All that Is, Was and Ever Shall Be. I am created in perfection but I am still in a physical body and partially limited to the laws of this physical world. I've learned that I am most important to myself and my diet and lifestyle choices are what keeps me healthy, alive and open to Love, Light and Spirit. This lifestyle, this diet of 100% raw vegan foods... this is what keeps my physical body in the Light and free from aches, pains and issues dealing with the auto-immune disease that I no longer acknowledge as a permanent part of my life.

My 'diet' of 100% raw food was not all that worked towards my reset. The journaling was huge! The prayer and meditation was a necessity and continues to be every single day. I intend to work towards bringing yoga into my life everyday as well. My move to Sedona and living with a yogi should absolutely help me on that path! My chanting I hope to continue on the rocks around Sedona.

Oh! And I forgot to mention that I released 15 pounds over those 40 days and continue to lose a pound every few days. I'm down 20 pounds now and look forward to the next 20 pounds coming off before summer so that I can wear my shorts from two years ago when I was at my best weight of 160. I know that living in Sedona, the yoga and the access to hiking will help those last 20 pounds just fall off and I'm excited about that little physical (ego) bonus.

But what I want everyone to know, what was MOST important on this 40 day reset, was that although I re-found my perfect way of life (100% raw foods lifestyle) it was finding myself, resetting my spirit and emotions (I'll blog more about those emotional rollercoasters at a later date) that really has made all the difference in my world.

Life has recently blessed me with a series of synchronicities that only The Highest Powers could have showered upon me!

Last Tuesday, April 11th I was awakened by my newest Spirit guide, The Green Man and also by my longtime guide, Iowasa. They told me to get on Craigslist and look for a house share in Sedona, Arizona. They pointed me towards an ad, which I immediately called. I talked to a woman named CaraMarie and as we talked I explained that although I'd been wanting to move to Sedona for years, I hadn't seriously thought I could do it because of lack of money and a job. She asked, 'then why did you call?' I replied that my guides had told me to call and that I was a psychic, medium and energy healer. She paused several seconds then said, 'I know why you called.' She explained that just the day before she had heard of a job opening at Mystical Bazaar for both retail sales and psychic reader. She gave me the number and I immediately called the shop where I talked to the manager for a half hour. I then emailed my website www.aletalightworker.com and more information to the owner. By 7:30 pm that night the owner had offered me a week of trail work at her shop!

Over the course of the week, the job opportunity was pulled because she needed retail help immediately but said that when I am moved to and settled in Sedona that she would like to meet me and discuss a possible job as a part-time reader/healer. Also, during the week, I realized the first woman I talked to was not the best house-share opportunity for me. My guides reminded me of a post I'd glanced at about a house share with "Reiki Rob". I called him on Sunday, April 16th, he answered and we talked only a few minutes because he was in the middle of something and that we could talk more later that afternoon. While I was hoping to distract myself from waiting for his call I decided to catch up on my Dan "The Life Regenerator" McDonald YouTube videos and this is what I found...

When the Powers of Spirit decide to make things happen it is truly a work of art that only they can paint. I have longed for such blessings for years but was too afraid to ask for what I truly wanted because I felt that I needed to stay where I was to take care of my family and my youngest teenager.

It is interesting that although the wheels had started turning on this new journey, I was still feeling unable to continue the move to Sedona because I didn't want to leave my teenager. I knew that he was just as stuck as me and that I couldn't leave him feeling as I'd felt for so long. It's interesting that at some point on that same Sunday, my oldest son mentioned that his youngest brother would be a terrific lifeguard back in our hometown of Kimball, Nebraska. That night I Facebook messaged an old friend there who runs the city pool. At 8:30 Monday morning I checked my messages and saw that she had replied and that she'd love to have him as a lifeguard this summer but that lifeguard training started Tuesday night! Within 4 hours of waking up Monday morning, my son was on a flight to Nebraska to spend the next six months with my parents. Although we were all kinda in shock, I could see just how happy he was. He was no longer stuck. He was starting a new chapter of his life and although he looked a little nervous I could see and sense his excitement. We gave each other a gift that day without even realizing it. The gift and opportunity to BE OURSELVES, to find ourselves and to find our HAPPINESS.

It's now Thursday, April 20th, 2014 and my rent check is in the mail to Rob for the month of April. Although my ego is a worry-wort, my heart, soul, spirit and the guidance of my Spirit Guides has given me the hope and belief that this is not a temporary move but the beginning of the rest of my life. The place where all roads of the past have brought me to. I am finally in a place in my heart to understand that I did a terrific job raising my boys to be all that THEY are. That I have taught them unconditional love of not just others but for themselves. And finally, I have learned that although I am separated from my beloved children by the physical locations of the earthly plane, that we are never separate, We are All One, and that my love for them and they for me is never ending.

It is MY time for me to grow, to give myself unconditional love and to awaken to ALL that I was created by the Love and the Light to BE now. This is my Path. And I am ready.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

It's Monday, my husband went back to work and we are supposed to homeschool today. Unfortunately...

I awoke early this morning with what is called a "healing reaction or crisis".
My RA hands were swollen and on fire along with my wrists, elbows,
shoulders, neck, spine, hips, knees, ankles and feet. Looking back to
last night I should have noticed the signs. As I was huddled under a
blanket and feeling emotional and cold to the bone, the rest of the
family were sweating and complaining it was too hot in the house. I
knew I wasn't catching a cold or flu as I haven't seen anyone outside
our family since starting this journey.

It's hard to
describe to someone who hasn't experienced this pain themselves exactly
what my auto-immune pain feels like. Or why it's different than normal
arthritis or joint pain. All I can tell you is that it IS different.
Very, very different. And having a flare is the worst because, at least
for me, that means it's not "just" my knees or not "just" one or
another set of joints, it's ALL my joints. It also means that the
inflammation in the joints creates pain in the muscles surrounding them
making basically every part of my body hurt including my eyeballs, yes,
my eyeballs.

You may already know what a healing reaction is or this may be the first time you've heard of them.

In
my understanding, a healing reaction (or crisis) happens when a person
drastically alters their diet from what they typically eat to something
incredibly healthy. Without all the bad, toxic foods coming in daily and
all the good healing foods replacing them, the body's initial reaction
goes something like this, "Ooohhh! Aaaahhh! I feel GREAT! This is
AMAZING! There's no sludge, toxins and crap assaulting me continually
and I'm actually being NOURISHED in the way that makes me work more
efficiently so I now feel like a million bucks!" Then, after a few days
of actually working efficiently the body has eliminated the immediately
available toxins and has to start working on the toxins deeper in the
body, cells, etc. This means that the body has fully activated it's
immune system and is sending it's worker drones in to create healing
inflammations in the body to remove the toxins deep within. THIS IS A GOOD THING! According to Charlotte Gerson in her book "Healing The Gerson Way":

"When
the body is first turned around towards healing, what Dr. Gerson called
the "healing mechanism" is being activated and the immune system begins
to kick in. The body produces a healing inflammation and releases
toxins from the tissues, producing a massive toxic load that has to be
eliminated from the liver. The process is sometimes accompanied by a
healing fever and even spells of depression and panic."

She
goes on to add the list of other possible side-effects including:
weakness, fatigue, increased pain, fever, nausea, diarrhea, gas and
changes in or lack of appetite. Although the first flare-ups are short
lived and minor, later healing reactions can bring about much more
impressive results such as attacking malignant tissues, healing old
injuries, fractures, scars and other serious conditions as well as high
blood pressure and diabetes. Go to www.gerson.org to learn more about what I consider to be one of the best healing therapies known to man.

Day
seven has not been my favorite day, that's for certain. It's nearly
5:30 pm and I still feel like I was run over by a bus or something. I
did all my normal things as usual, although slower. I also took a long
hot soak in epson salt, baking soda, sea salt and lavender essential
oil.

My first SMOOTHIE was 2 CUPS WATER, 3 HANDFULS POWER GREENS, A BAG OF STRAWBERRIES AND A BANANA.

Well, so much for blogging every day. But in all honesty it IS
really difficult to blog with my husband in the house - and the man had 3
days off, so there went that. I'll write up a quick recap as to the
past 3 days then I'll get onto today.

Friday, Day 4
Friday was my husband's first of a three day weekend and we had planned the night before to go
target practicing and hiking in the West Texas, Chihuahua Desert. You
might think, hiking in the flat desert can't be that much
exercise, but you'd be wrong. At least where we go hiking. South west
of Fort Stockton it's not just flat, it has lots of very tall plateaus
to hike up, down and around. As a bonus, this time of year it's also
very safe as the snakes are still hibernating. I'll skip all the details
but I was feeling really terrific, we had a great time and the hike was
intense. I mean, my muscles and joints hurt for two full days after.
It felt wonderful :)

Backtracking to earlier that
morning I've got to tell you that I had the most VIVID dream. So vivid,
so real, that I could taste the warm sweet figs and feel the
heartbreak at the end. The dream was so memorable that after my morning
routine of hot water, lemon, cinnamon and honey drink, the upside-down
coffee and a shower, I went to my computer and started typing it up. It
just flew from my fingers onto the page like I was just explaining what
I'd seen in a movie. I guess my dream wants to be a short story. I'll
keep you up on how it's going :)

After about an hour of
writing I did some yoga and we headed off to go hiking. I'd made up a
smoothie and had drank half of it and took the remainder with me to
drink between shooting and hiking. I can't really remember what was in
it but I know it was a green smoothie.

I can't exactly
remember what we did the rest of the day, probably just watched the
Olympics. I can't remember what smoothie I made in the evening but I
know I made another one. All in all I remember it being a great day, no
issues with emotions or cravings or anything, just an awesome day all
around.

Saturday, Day 5
I
remember waking up in the middle of the night and feeling my joints to
be quite sore and the RA to be a bit over the top. I broke down and
took half a Tramadol so that I could sleep. We'd had plans to go to a
gun and ATV show in Odessa, about an hour and a half away but that
morning I decided against it. I slept in another hour or so after the
guys left for the show around 8 am.

When I did wake up
I, of course, followed what has become my morning routine of praying,
"Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today" and I also
prayed for my friend who has bone marrow cancer. I then got up, made
myself my hot water, lemon, cinnamon, honey drink, started my organic
coffee on the stove and got back into bed. While sipping my hot drink I
chanted the Om Gum Ganapataya Namaha mantra 108 times after which I
meditated. Then I enjoyed my upside down coffee and showered.

The
plan was to do my YOGA that morning but my joints were in pretty rough
shape so I opted not to in order to let them rest from the several mile,
UP AND DOWN ROCKY PLATEAU FACES, we'd done the day before. Instead I
made a SMOOTHIE1,000 mg each of CHLORELLA AND SPIRUNILA along with 1/3 fresh PINEAPPLE, MACA POWDER AND A BANANA

Now here is the terrific part of my Saturday...
I took my just showered and still in a towel wrapped body along with my
smoothie and went OUTSIDE :) It was so warm and lovely that I took off
my towel and laid naked in the sun on the back porch with the dogs.
You have no idea how wonderful it felt to have the sun warming up my
skin and soothing my sore joints! It was pure heaven on earth (at least
until someone in a maroon pickup started down our quarter mile -
PRIVATE- driveway and spooked the dogs, which caused me to jump up naked
to see who was coming up the drive. I've little doubt they saw me. Oh
well, that's what they get for driving past a "PRIVATE PROPERTY" sign
and over a cattle guard.) Overall though, that sun bath really boosted
how I was feeling physically, mentally and emotionally. It was like a
shot of pure happiness that lasted throughout the day.

After
the beautiful sun bath and getting dressed I brought out my sewing
machine and started working on a skirt I'd cut the pieces for over a
year before. I was really wanting something to eat or drink but I was
completely out of food so I opted to drink about 20 oz of my own brewed blueberry mint kombucha.

When
the guys came back from Odessa they brought me three HUGE boxes of
Organic Power Greens and two full bags of frozen organic fruit plus a
whole bag or organic bananas for my smoothies :) I know I made a small
smoothie then but I can't for the life of me remember what it was but it
was just like a cup full as the kombucha really curbs my appetite.

Sunday, Day 6
First thing I noticed this morning was the number on the scale. In five days I had lost...

10 POUNDS!

I am now down to 190 pounds, YEA ME!

When
I first moved to West Texas in July of 2012, I weighted approximately
165-8 and was feeling pretty invincible. My RA was under control, I was
walking anywhere between 2.5 to 5 miles a day and was doing one of the
following dvd workouts by Jillian Michaels (30 Day Shred, Shred-It with
Weights, 6 Week Six-Pack). Now, I wasn't in great shape by any
definition of the word, but I had been exercising religiously for
several months and had not only leveled up from beginner to stage two
but was getting pretty good at that level as well. I was in pretty much
the best physical shape I'd been in for several years. Oh, I may have
still weighted quite a bit more than I had when I did at the peak of
being raw, but I was lifting weights daily, taking care of a dozen
horses at our breeding ranch and caring for 2 teenagers and packing up
an entire house and ranch by myself, so the amount of muscle I had the
summer of 2012 was much more than the summer of 2008 when I only weighed
145-150. I remember wishing everyday that if I could just lose another
10 pounds, I could fit into the clothes that I'd held onto from my
high raw vegan days. Now I wish I'd just stayed at the weight and size I
was and never lost my muscle and my will and gained all this fat and
emotional baggage.

Anyway, after my entire morning
routine of prayer, meditation, chanting, lemon drink, enema and shower I
was feeling pretty awesome and made a SMOOTHIE

1.5
CUPS WATER, 3 LG HANDFULS POWER GREENS (baby Kale, Spinach, Beet Greens
and Arugula), HALF A BAG OF CRANBERRIES AND A BANANA - OH AND 3 DATES
CUZ IT WAS REALLY BITTER WITHOUT THEM

I then
fixed the guys a big batch of french toast which I swear they in haled
as I went outside to check on the horses water. We spent a good portion
of the morning and early afternoon outside on the front porch listening
to music and I painted a rock, that I'd picked up on a previous hiking
trip, with the sacred geometry "tree of life" design. After the bees
started getting too much for us we headed inside and started watching
the Olympics.

I made a small SMOOTHIE of MANGO LASSIE with A PACKAGE MANGOS, BANANA, MACA, TBSP COCONUT MANA, 3 DATES AND WATER.

After
a few hours I noticed myself getting a minor headache and feeling not
so great and I tried to ignore it. Then my family wanted an early
dinner (as I hadn't fixed them lunch) so I fixed spaghetti with creamed
tomato sauce, spinach and Parmesan, an of course, their hamburger. I've
got to be honest, when I was making it I wasn't the slightest
interested in it. As my family was eating I had a nice long phone call
with my sister and completely forgot about the spaghetti.

It was at this point I made another small SMOOTHIE

3 HANDFULS POWER GREENS AND A BAG OF BLUEBERRIES and WATER

About
halfway through this VERY green and bitter smoothie I started feeling
like I wanted to cry. I had been feeling very raw and emotional the past
few hours but had tried to keep my focus on the athletes on TV.
Eventually it got a bit more than I could just ignore so I decided to
"feel" my way into figuring out why I wanted to cry. Then I realized it
was the smell of the spaghetti mixed with several hours of watching
television with all the food and restaurant advertisements. I realized
that my stomach was growling and I was feeling seriously hungry for the
first time since starting this reset. It was all I could do not to eat
something, anything. I did drink a cup of kombucha in hopes that it was
curb my hunger pangs. Eventually I made a cup of Sleepytime tea and
went to bed feeling a little bit better although still quite emotional.

Although
yesterday I said I was feeling better already it was actually kinda an
off day. Both my son and I were a tad bit on the grumpy side. It's been
cold outside and pretty gloomy with the sun hidden behind endless grey
skies so I'm going to attribute our mood to the lack of sunlight. As if
we are plants :)

Today I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I'd
gone to sleep with a headache last night that I'd assumed was from
detox symptoms already. You know, detoxing from the breads, dairy and
America's favorite drug- WHITE SUGAR. It was actually so bad that I
couldn't fall asleep. Well, the headache pain in combination with
hearing about a longtime school friend's father's tragic death that I'd
read on Facebook just after climbing into bed for the night. Then, just
as I thought I was falling asleep I got a text from my father about the
accident. So, after another half hour of pain in my head and then pain
in my heart for my friend, I broke down and took a tramadol. Which
ended up possibly helping me fall asleep but I awoke with a headache
again this morning so maybe it wasn't worth taking it at all. I HATE
taking prescription drugs. I'm kinda disappointed in myself for even
going to the doctor earlier in the month to get the prescription. Then
again, I was taking prescription pain pills anyway and they weren't even
mine so I figured if I was going to take them I should get my own
script. At least I only take a half or maybe a full one when I can't
stand it anymore. It's not like I take them all the time.

So,
this morning, because of my headache, I did sleep in a little longer
than normal. So I was a bit rushed by the dogs wanting to go outside
and that meant that I have not meditated or chanted yet today. It's
4:12 already so I'll do both later tonight before bed. But I did repeat
the prayer "Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today"
several times before the dogs got too rambunctious.

Starting tomorrow I've decided to start separate morning and evening prayers in addition to the meditation and chanting.

MORNING PRAYER
I've decided to dedicate every mornings prayer
to my best friend who is fighting bone marrow cancer and the resulting
leukemia the cancer created. (After my own prayer about miracles.)

I
met my dear friend a few years ago through a dating website for married
people who want to have affairs. Yep, you read that correctly.
Although we originally met for what we thought was to be a short time in
our lives, we soon realized we were soul mates. Let me clarify that.
We have such an intense FRIENDSHIP, such love and compassion and understanding of each other, that it's obvious, at least to me, that we have known each other in another lifetime. Therefor, we are soul mates.
Not that we are destined to be lovers or anything like that, just that
we recognized something so strong and pure and clear in each other that
we've been best friends nearly from the very first phone call. It's a
friendship unlike any other I've ever had. We just accept each other the way we are. And, we're always honest with each other.

Okay, onto YOGA!

Here
is the routine I did three
times today (plus a few extra moves from yesterday's just to stretch out
some muscles I thought today's had missed). I did notice almost
immediately the intense use of my wrists again today. I'm so glad that I
didn't do any yesterday so that today my wrists were okay.

I love the whole idea of SUN SALUTATIONS! I just only wished there were a sun out today that I could SEE!

Now for the SMOOTHIES!

I
started the day as usual with my lemon, honey, cinnamon hot water
followed by my upside-down coffee. Then, of course, I did my yoga.
Then I made this smoothie

I
should have put ginger root in it but I forgot. It was perfectly yummy
as it was though and I could taste that slight saltiness of the celery
which I definitely needed :)

Okay, for this afternoon's
recipe I took the meat from the young Tahitian coconut I used from this
morning and added it to the blender with enough water to make 4 cups of
coconut (meat) milk. Then I put half into a jar and put in the fridge
to use tomorrow. Then I made this smoothie

So I awoke feeling pretty darn good actually. I started the day with
the prayer "Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today."
and also by chanting to Ganesha. This time, without the tears but with
HOPE in my heart <3 p="">
I gotta tell you, it felt GREAT to go to sleep without
a full, bloated and uncomfortable tummy for a change. As nod from the
heavens that I'm on the right path, this morning I was kinda shocked to
see that in the past 24 hours I'd actually lost 3 whole pounds! I know
because I'd weighed myself yesterday first thing in the morning and yes,
as it had been for months, just stuck on 200 gross pounds. So YES! This
IS working!

After my morning lemon, honey, cinnamon hot water followed by my upside-down coffee I then got onto YOGA! Originally
I intended to do this routine twice or even three times but it was all I
could do to get it done once! And it's not like I ran through them, I
actually was very slow, tried to be as fluid as possible and breathed
through each one several times. Obviously there were some I couldn't
quite do, for instance 5, 6, 18 and 19 but I gave them all my best
shot. Oh, many of the others weren't pretty either but I DID them and
that's all that I wanted to accomplish this first time. So... YEA for
me!

As for as SMOOTHIES, I started the day with

ROMAINE, CRANBERRY, BANANA, ORANGE, MACA, CHIA SEED AND WATER

Then
in the afternoon I sipped on a totally new smoothie recipe that I'd
never made in my life but found recommended on several green smoothie
website. Actually it sounds quite... well, gross, in my opinion but I
was totally surprised just how good it was. 2 CUPS GREEN APPLE (PEELED), AVOCADO, KALE, GINGER ROOT, LEMON JUICE, DAB OF HONEY AND WATER.

For
each of these smoothies I'm making with about 1 to 2 cups of water so
that the finished result it around 4 Cups. Just enough that I fill one
large mouth pint jar and put it in the fridge for later and have the
same amount to drink immediately. Then I sip on it as the day goes by.
As soon as I've finished one I make the second one so that, I hope, I
never really get hungry.

After I fell back
to sleep I dreamed a very vivid dream which I'm not sharing here. But
there was something about that dream that made me feel sad, lost and
lonely.

The past two days I've eaten poorly. I think,
no, I know that it all started because I was cold and had made a vegan
stew with lentils and quinoa. Very healthy actually. But for some
reason it propelled me into eating bad packaged foods (tortilla chips,
flour tortillas) and dairy again (can you tell I live 3 hours from
Mexico?) I'd been eating raw for the previous three days before that.

This morning I awoke, sat up and read what I'd printed out and taped to the wall yesterday.

"Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today."

I
prayed that that saying several times and then without thought just
started chanting "Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha", a Hindu mantra to invoke
the Lord Ganesha to remove all obstacles and blockages in my life. I
haven't chanted it in a very long time. It just came to me from
Spirit. I cried and cried the entire time I was chanting.

And then a very clear and very loud voice or if you'd prefer, 'thought' said to me. "40 DAYS TO HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL CLEANSING". I saw it all laid out very clearly like it was written on a piece of paper.

HEALTH

10 days of smoothies, 20 days of juicing, 10 days of smoothies

PHYSICAL

Daily Morning Yoga and an afternoon walk, even if it's just to the mailbox and back

SPIRITUAL

Daily Meditation and Chanting

EMOTIONAL

Daily journaling to release all my pent up and nasty egotistical emotions

I
looked on the calender and found it interesting that by starting today I
will finish on March 15th, the day before the March full moon. Just
five days short of the Spring Equinox and the Wicca Holiday Ostera.

So
the smoothies and the juicing is not new to me. Been there, done that
for close to seven years now as I have been blogging at
www.rawcowgirl.blogspot.com. But as much as I KNOW how to heal my body
I've just not been doing it. So... it looks like now I need a major
reset.

As
for the yoga I found this cute thing on Pinterst called Morning Yoga
and features an adorable little pencil drawn rabbit doing the yoga.
(Here's a copy of it. When I figure out how to make widgets work I'll
update it to work correctly. )

(Later) So, I just did 3
sets of these poses. THREE SETS and my blood is pumping and my muscles
feel stretched more than they've been in awhile. I'd keep going,
although I'm already winded! But my hands and wrists hurt. To many
downward dogbunny poses. Maybe I need to find other morning yoga routines too?

(And
later, again) Ok, so I found and printed off SIX more morning yoga
routines. All different. Some are as little as 8-12 moves that need
repeated 4-8 times and some have 24 poses that are only repeated 2-4
times. I've chosen half to have little or no wrist weight to aggravate
my sad and weak little RA wrists and mixed them in so that there's never
two days in a row that I have that much weight and pressure on my
wrists. Tomorrows doesn't use ANY weight on my wrists. I believe this
is a great start!

(The following entry was copied exactly from my
journal to this blog. I thought adding it to the blog was essential to
show my mindset before I started my journey, before I even realized I
was going on a journey.)
It's
3:36 am on February 4th, 2014. I've been awake awhile. Laying in bed
praying. Begging. Feeling sorry for myself. Letting my ego be in
control. Hating myself. My bad haircut. My 200 pounds of fat and no
muscle. Hating my body and lack of will power. My Self Hatred. My
ugliness and self-loathing. My depression. My BOREDOM. My total
dislike for the place we live. The area is ugly. The house is okay but
oh, SOOOO dark. It's dreary, depressing. Dark. Like my soul feels
right now.

I feel sick, physically sick from all the
crap and dairy I ate yesterday. Intentionally. Because I was feeling
bored and stuck and self-loathing. My hand hurts to write because its
swollen from the salt and from the cheese and the crap I ate last
night. My stomach is still full-uncomfortable. I've lost my
ability to feel full. I just KEEP EATING. I worry is something wrong
with my head or body. That I've lost my ability to know where "full"
is. I'm like Navada (our 9 year old yellow Labrador). I eat to just eat
to freaking FEEL something. Anything. This life SUX. Sometimes I
think that I should just let go now and learn the lessons in the next
life cuz I feel like a failure in this one.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Beautiful Colors aren't they?!

The green juice and the pinks and purples of the watercolor underneath.

Today is Day Seven of my Juice Feast. When I started out I wasn't sure how long I would go and then within the first 24 hours I wondered how long I could go. As you know I've really been fighting with this one. All the pain and emotions I've been going through only becoming more intensified by the juicing. Which is all good! I needed this- to go through this- to feel again.

I'm thinking of having either an avocado, cucumber soup tonight or some other raw soup. I know, I know, I'm finally doing well on the juice feast so why would I now go back to eating? That's actually a good question. I'm not entirely sure but I think it goes something like this. I've done a week. No, I conquered a week and lived through it. My joints are feeling immensely better and I'm feeling more positive. I've started on my journey back to health. Yet, and I know this is so less important, I only lost a pound in the entire week, if that. Although I do feel so much better at the same time I'm ready to getting back to chewing a bit of my food. Yes, I understand its all about comfort and emotions and I acknowledge and accept that. I've decided I'm going to continue my large green juice every morning. Eat fruit at lunch and then have a raw vegetable meal for dinner. At least for the time being. I ordered Dan McDonald's (The Life Regenerator) newest DVD set "Detox Mastery". As soon as it gets here I will start that. Until then though, I'm thinking maybe fennel, cucumber, avocado soup for dinner tonight. Yep... that sounds delish and I need some delish in my life right now.

This morning after juicing, instead of doing yoga and meditating today I decided to work on a sacred geometry watercolor. As I was painting I was listening to a new radio show at Intention Radio called Emerging from the Matrix with Salini. If I could put into accurately descriptive sentences how and what I was feeling as I listened to Salini (click here for her website www.soultransformation.us)... well, I'd be a published writer. Seriously, I can't begin to explain the intenseconnection I had to literally everything she was saying. There were moments that I honestly forgot where I was and felt like I was there with her in person and that what she was saying was directly to me and my situation. The information in her first episode called Akasha, Karma and Reincarnation wasn't entirely all new to me yet her knowledge of it was so true, so effortless, it was as if she was channeling Source right there. I learned so much more from her in just that short hour, so much information, almost so much as to boggle the mind. I plan on listening to both episodes again very soon to just soak in more of what she was saying.

I find it strange... and beautiful that I only recently found Salini. Actually I didn't find her, she found me. I met Salini here, on this blog actually. I'm incredibly humbled that she's been following me and making supportive comments on my journey. What I find strange is that at this point in my life I actually, you know, googled her. Why I didn't do it earlier is beyond my understanding. All I can say is that obviously I wasn't ready. Well, Now I Am!!!

Friday, September 20, 2013

I've made it to DAY SIX! Yippee!!! Every single day has been a challenge to stay on it. There were times I wasn't sure I could go another second. Like I said, this juice feast started out MUCH harder than any I'd previously done.

And I know exactly why... EMOTIONS (and lots of them).

Emotionally I was a wreck before I started juicing. Sad, lost, confused, lonely, hurt and unable to connect to myself let alone Spirit. Yet here I am! Now I'm not saying I'm all better or that I've reached the other side already. Actually I'm still pretty sad today. Oh, I did a half hour of yoga which felt amazing followed by balancing my chakras and self reiki. I also chanted "Om Sharavana Bhavaya Namaha" which is a Hindu mantra for good luck. After that I finally felt well enough that I made this beautiful green drink with juice of 1 cucumber, 2 small green apples, 3 kale, 3 celery, fistful of each cilantro and spinach... ALL ORGANIC by the way.

So here I sit, centered, balanced, juiced and definitely feeling better than the past few days. Yet I know there is so much inner work I need to do and I want to do it but focusing has been incredibly difficult for me lately.

I bought a book last Saturday when I was picking up organics. It's called The Path of Emotions by Dr. Synthia Andrews, ND. I already own and read her book The Path of Energy and really enjoyed it. As I've been feeling very off lately I thought The Path of Emotions would be perfect for me. Alas, I can't get past page 17, which is the first page of Chapter 1. Took me 3 nights to get to page 17. Last night I couldn't even open the book, it just stared at me from my nightstand screaming "read me!" but all I wanted to do was sleep and cry. So I did.

I'm not sure what my path is anymore. I don't know which direction to go. I used to think that raw foods, this blog and potentially a raw book and recipes were in my future. After awhile though it just didn't feel right and I desperately needed to spend more time on my spirituality. Although I've been on my spiritual path for decades it wasn't until I went raw that my spiritual life started leaking out into everything I did and said. Three years ago I realized that maybe I should concentrate solely on spirituality in my 'off' time instead of haphazardly as I'd been for the past 7-10 years. That went really well for me for the longest time. My clairvoyance and ability to talk with those that have passed zoomed back stronger than ever, my intuition reached new heights and by taking some Reiki classes I felt like I'd finally found my calling. I was given two new spirit guides to help me and I felt so much love and compassion and strength. I could feel the healing energies when I helped not only myself but others and it was... well, just amazing! I also started working part-time as a psychic adviser on the phone and I believe it was just as healing for me as it was for them. Things seemed to be going along as well as could be given the state of my marriage and I knew that eventually we'd all move on and live happier, healthier (emotional) lives.

Summer 2013 with my siblings.

I don't know what happened. I think maybe it was the trip back to Nebraska. Being around so manypeople whom I felt didn't understand me, didn't truly love me and would never respect me. Possibly it was my mother who, although she has Alzheimer's, has never been, shall we say, 'nice' to me. I spent a week alone with her while my father took a well deserved mini vacation. I can't possibly explain everything that happened. The things she said to me. The way she looked at me with pure hatred. Not to mention the one night she actually told me she wanted to kill me, and believe me, she meant it. Maybe it wasn't even my mother but actually my siblings who, when I contacted them about just how bad our mother was, didn't believe what she said or how she treated me. Instead they flipped the whole thing around on me saying that I was creating the drama, I was upsetting our mother and that I needed to leave and basically, never come back. The years of physical and emotional abuse from our mother, that my siblings have admitted they lived through as well, didn't mean anything in the end. And yet, as I sit here typing some of my deepest hurts onto the world wide web, I will tell you something else about my family. I still love them. I will always love them, no matter what, completely unconditionally. I just wish that they were capable of the same.

Emotions. They are a necessary part of life, of love, of BEING our Spirit Selves. They are amazing when they are good and they hurt like hell when they are bad. Everything I've ever been through in my life; the loves, the heartbreaks, the highs and the lows, strangely enough I wouldn't trade them for a 'perfect' life. I AM who I AM. I am of the highest Spirit. I AM ONE WITH SPIRIT. I AM LOVE. I know that one day I will be healed. I know that someday soon I will find my path again. I am and have always been the eternal optimist even if my head has never made sense of it. Today I look towards myself, to my spiritual optimism, to my body's innate ability to heal itself of all the physical issues as well as emotional. Today I release all the emotional issues that I've carried around for so long in not just hope, but in FAITH, that I will find myself again.

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE PHOTOS. They are a compilation of pictures about chakras and kundalini that I loved.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Oh, my husband (soon to be ex-husband) still has his two horses but I am no longer a "cowgirl". To be honest, I haven't even rode in years, not since my Sierra passed away in 2009. Oh, I jumped on Jack a few times bareback but only for a few minutes. Jack is the 22 year old paint gelding that is in the photo with me on my header above. However, to actually ride and have a connection with a horse, well, that's been a very long time for me.

Karma was the granddaughter and only living bloodline of my beloved Sierra. Sierra's daughter, French Foxwood (Frenchi) died about a year ago now. One minute she was healthy and the next she was gone due to an unknown stomach gas issue. Luckily her first and only foal was four months old and weaned.

I had intended to keep Karma forever. With the divorce and upcoming move and change of life, well, I had no idea how or where I'd keep her. I can't express how much my heart has broken because of this. How much my heart has broken over the years because of my love of horses.

Sierra Rojo Fox and Ciscos Blue Junewood as yearlings

I remember the first time my heart was broken by a horse. His name is Ciscos Blue Junewood. We bought him the same day as Sierra. They were so adorable together. They stole a large part of my heart all those years ago. There will always be a spot in there for both of them. We sent Cisco to a well known roping trainer in Texas. He was there on and off for a year or two. The second time we sent him the trainer started taking Cisco to competitions and the bills started piling up. We couldn't keep up with the training and the showing fees and we had to sell him. I didn't want to. I begged and cried not to. I think for about a year after that I was still numb over losing him. Sierra Rojo Fox was my lifeline that year. It was just her and me after that. Oh, we kept buying new young fillies to add to the broodmare line and we eventually purchased a new baby stallion we named Moose. It was Sierra though that understood my heartbreak. We were... Our relationship was nothing I'd ever experienced with a horse before. I'd been around and loved horses all my life but Sierra was... Well, she WAS my heart. After moving to East Texas she passed away after a several day fight against and unknown and uncontrollable issue with diarrhea. I wasn't there when they put her to sleep because they said she was in so much pain she was throwing herself against the stall walls and that I shouldn't be there. One of the biggest mistakes of my life was not being there for her. I won't ever forgive myself for being such a chicken shit and allowing her last moments to be with strangers.

The last photo of Sierra and you can see her pain...

After she passed away I tried so very hard to make a connection with her daughter, Frenchi. That girl! Wow, she did not enjoy the loving I tried to give her. She was an incredibly independent and free spirited girl. I eventually connected, somewhat, with a pair of sisters named Bridget and Frosty. But, like everything else in my life at that time, they too were not meant to be part of my life. All the mares and foals were given away on my 44th birthday last year. Every horse, other than Karma, the stallion (Karma's dad) Moose and the 22 year old paint gelding were gone by then end of the day, December 19, 2012.

I think it was around then that I gave up. I didn't even attempt to be raw anymore. Loosely vegetarian was about all I could muster after that. Desserts, vegetarian Mexican food, pasta, bread, sugar, ice cream, chips, packaged dessert cakes were all shoveled down my throat in hopes to stop the incredible aching pain in my heart. Nine months and THIRTY POUNDS heavier my heart still hurts just as bad, if not more.

Divorcing a man you've loved and lived with for 12 years is tough. Letting go of two sons because they are out of the nest and living their own lives, with little to do with me, is incredibly tough. Living through bankruptcy and foreclosure is tough. Moving to a new area that you hate is tough. Losing my entire "horsey family" has been... can I say catastrophic without sounding too pitiful? Most people will never understand but animal people will. Animals love you No Matter What. Thin or fat, in the money or poor, happy or sad, animals will always love you. I wish more people were like that. I wouldn't feel so alone these days...

Raw emotions are tough on people who aren't going through as much as I am right now. Going back to raw in the middle of such heartache, well, although I'm not sure it's a great idea, I'm doing it anyway. How much more can a girl hurt anyway?

Picture of me with best smile I can muster

So, back to the blog. Now that I'm horseless, can or should I still call myself and this blog the "Raw Cowgirl"? I guess, since I haven't been raw for the past year, it's as much of a lie as not having horses anymore. So maybe it's fine the way it is. Or maybe the title should completely be changed. I don't know anymore.

I do know that I want, almost need to do is to continue this blog. Blogging here keeps me in line and on raw foods. It also gives me something positive to look forward to. And it give me friends, even virtual friends are better than nothing right? Any who knows, maybe I'll even start replying to comments. Lol. It's not that I didn't want to in the past, it's that I'm always so embarrassed for being so honest on here, you know?

What does everyone think? Should I change the title? If so, what should I call it? Should I totally revamp the whole thing? Should I leave it alone? Anyone out there have any suggestions?

I've made it to Day 4 of this Juice Feast and I admit it's been the toughest juice fast I've ever done to date. At least that I remember. Day one started out great but ended with the worst headache I've had in years. Day two was a bit better and I even managed not to make myself any raw cacao and coconut butter that I was dieing for. Day 3 I had to go out of town and managed to juice before leaving and took a cooler with me but I did falter a little. I was in Natural Grocers getting more greens and a coconut lemon tart caught my attention and I couldn't resist. It had been a bad, long, emotional day and I was feeling sorry for myself so I allowed myself that little splurge. Man, I've got to tell you though, I'm seriously upset with that brand for adding cane sugar to their recipe :( I didn't realize they weren't 100% raw anymore. Bad Bad Bad on them! While I was at the store I also purchase some organic green seedless :( table grapes and found myself munching on them last night while watching a movie. At least the organic grapes were a better choice than popcorn.

Today, so far, I've been fine. Juiced a big quantity of green juice and it lasted me until an hour ago. I'm thinking I need to juice myself a carrot mix next.

Also wanted to share with you today's video by Dan The Life Regenerator McDonald. And just so you know... I bought his Detox Master set today. Although I've been on this road 6 and a half years now, this past year has, well, sucked big time. I NEED Dan's motivation and knowledge to get me back on track. I can't wait to get his videos!!!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Have you ever said to yourself, "Is this really all I've got?" and you know your answer before the thought even finishes. Well, that's how I've been feeling lately yet I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the abyss.

There were so many reasons I fell into the pit of self loathing that I've been wallowing in for the past year. The move to the desert that I never wanted and have regretted since the moment we drove into town. A marriage that just keeps marching along because we are both too comfortable with the way it is and simultaneously afraid to leave. Then there is the heart wrenching loneliness I've felt in my heart for, again, years. It's not natural for a person's heart to hurt all the time. Top that all off with a TWO HOUR drive to the closest organic grocer and, well... I just gave up.

Now, I don't want you to think the past year has been all bad for me. Actually, I spent most of the year completely internalized and have done an incredible amount of meditation, study and spiritual evolution. Now I find myself stuck even in that part of my life.

I know why.

It's all goes back (in part) to what I've been physically putting into my body by way of 'food'. I, of all people, should not be surprised... honestly I'm not surprised I've made myself sick again. It might actually have been a semiconscious decision or just plain depression. Either way, I am here to tell you that I have finally and thankfully hit the wall and I'm saying, "STOP!".

I am more valuable than this. I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN THIS. All this sadness and feelings of not having any control of my life has to stop NOW. If I don't love myself, who will, right?!

I've made several decisions in my life this summer. The first being that my husband and I will finally bite the bullet and get a divorce. We've been talking about it for years on and off but this time we both know it's over.

Second, that I need to move to a location that I feel drawn to. At the moment I'm feeling the three state area of eastern Washington, Idaho panhandle and western Montana, specifically the four cities listed below.

And the third decision I made and although seemingly the least life changing it is actually the most life changing. How do I know this? Because I've done it before. I know what happens physically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually when a person goes 100% raw with lots and lots of juices.

IT CHANGES YOU. On so many levels going back to 100% raw and juicing is more life changing than a divorce or moving across the country. And honest to goodness...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Alright, first I'll address the elephant in the room. Yes, it seems that I'm posting... again. So much for quitting but I wanted to post this recipe and I realized the best place for recipes is still here. So, here we go again :)

FIRST STEP

Into a large bowl add the following ingredients then MASSAGE WELL

to wilt the kale and spinach and get the garlic flavor in there.

4 large leaves Lacinato Kale, torn or cut into bite size pieces

Handful of Spinach

a Tbs or so EVOO

1 tsp Garlic powder or finely chopped

SECOND STEP

After the greens are nice and soft add the following to the bowl

1-2" inches Ginger root, fresh grated

(if you don't have fresh then use powdered in the first step)

2 large Carrots, grated

1 C of either Diakon Radish or Jicama (I used Jicama)

1 grated small garlic &/or dill Pickle

(yes, I said Pickle! Just do it :)

1/4 C Red Onion, chopped (optional, not in the picture)

Juice of half a Lemon

1-2 Tbs Nama Shoyu or low sodium soy sauce

1 Tbs Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce or to taste

(I've recently become seriously addicted to this stuff and I need to just make my own homemade without the chemicals and preservatives but until then...)

Now stir well getting all ingredients and sauce even distributed.

You can even let it sit a few minutes to really get the flavors incorporated.

FINAL STEP

This may be the hardest part for some people but give it a try anyway.

If you just can't get the Rice Paper you could use Nori Sheets

or at the very least you could just eat what you have as a slaw.

Vietnamese Rice Paper

Bamboo Sushi Mat

Prepare rice paper according to directions or basically just dip in very hot water

for a minute until soft. Now this next part is important, especially if you used Jicama...

you will need to squeeze out the extra liquid from the 'slaw' before wrapping in the rice

paper. Don't squeeze it dry, but you don't want it running down your chin, arms, etc.

Then wrap as normal. Use the remaining liquid as a dip.

Alright... so I guess this blog isn't quite finished. For those of you still hangin' around, I guess I'll just keep you guessing as to when and what I may post. Although... if you have any requests, I'd love to hear them and maybe even follow up for a change :)

Monday, February 4, 2013

I've been blogging on this site since 2007 and I've had my ups and downs but all the while I've enjoyed it. Lately though, even though I still (sorta) enjoy it, I feel that I'm just not the same person I was when I started this blog. And I just don't want to blog here anymore. I'm not even sure if I will start another. If I did, what would it be about? I have no idea. Which is why I figure, if nothing else, I'm just going to take some time off. I may never come back! Lol But if I do start a new blog, I'll post a link on here in case anyone wants to follow me there.

LOVE, HUGS AND KISSES TO ALL WHO HAVE FOLLOWED ME ON MY JOURNEY THESE LAST SIX YEARS!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The past week my family has starting preparing the area that will be our 2013 garden plot. Here's a picture to show you what is looks like today... although we've already cleared and put up new fence on the north, cleared out the chest high tumble weeds and put up the greenhouse. We obviously need to do the same thing to the western fence.

It's obvious that at some time in the distant past that this area was used for gardening. There's a water faucet right there, the ground is void of grass holding just tumbleweeds and a few sticker plants. It's pretty much cleared of rocks and there isn't any mesquite or cactus. Bonuses all around! Also it seems that the dirt is actually in surprisingly good shape, not at all like the ground just outside of the fence.

The fire pit it new to us. Hubby and youngest son put it in last fall and it has been the source of much family enjoyment. I have plans on adding either cement or some other hard surface around the pit to a diameter of at least 6 feet out so that there is room for furniture.

In the last week I've made several to scale diagrams of possible layouts for the garden plots.

Here's two versions; this first one (to the left) has the most amount of work to be done and second (below) has the least amount of work needed completed.

Before the scale plans I'd made probably a dozen sketches, lol. I guess you can't take the artist (or graphic artist) out of the gardener. I still can't decide what to do. We don't actually own the ranch though so I'm wavering on how much I want to put into the garden. Although we did sign a lease to purchase so we do plan on eventually buying it. Yet we all know how things are in the world these days and with the history I'm significantly worried we'll never get another loan. So to put significant money into building raised beds, walkways, etc... Well, I just don't know. But then there's the fact that we live in West Texas. The edge of the Chihuahuan desert to be exact and I'm a bit (okay, more than a bit) worried how gardening in these harsh conditions will work out. Extreme gardening anyone?

I have such big plans for this year's garden. I have hopes of it being the biggest garden I've ever tackled. Yet I'm, again, terrified of the hard climate and soil I have to work with. I'm really hoping to plant at least two corn varieties, one sweet and one popcorn. I also plan on several hard bean varieties as well as lentils. I'd LOVE to grow quinoa, buckwheat, flax and teff but I might just be dreaming on those grains. My hope is to be able to store at least 2/3 of what I harvest for my "preps". I'm also going to grow tomatoes, peppers and onions to can for spaghetti sauce and salsa, my families to favorites. Also, my husband requested pickles and his own strawberry plot.

All this gardening has been very exciting and I've been really looking forward to it all... and then yesterday I crashed. All these emotions creeped up and I got scared, worried and to be honest I became down right grumpy and had a little meltdown. Now... just to defend myself I was on Day 2 of the first juice fast I've done in close to a year and I was having a bit of a hypoglycemic reaction from the sudden reduction-elimination of all the bad stuff I'd been eating the past year. Not to worry, I'm fine and I'm balancing out now. I also didn't yell or scream or anything like that, I just wanted to quit it all and forget it. But all is better today. I think... It's hot today and I want to put on shorts already. I'm trying not to let the weather freak me out yet.

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About Me

About Me

In 2006 I was diagnosed with sero-neg rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia though I'd probably had them for years. As conventional wisdom dictates I went to a doctor but after a year of terrible side-effects, losing half my hair and still living with pain I decided to find a cure for my chronic auto-immune diseases. On May 7, 2007 I became a raw vegan. What does that mean? I eat only raw, uncooked fruits, vegetables, sprouted seeds and nuts. Within few months I was off the drugs, feeling amazing and lost 80 pounds. Though I’ve gained a few pounds back, I still remain "High Raw" meaning that I will rarely eat cooked vegetarian. I am proud of my lifestyle of being pharmaceutical free. I am also a huge fan of daily morning coffee enemas for pain relief and detoxification.