I'm Gavin, a bloke from Manchester, UK. 41 years old and i'm unsure if I have dyspraxia or not.

Hopefully, by sharing something about myself and my life, I might have more understanding.

Not sure where to start, as a child or as an adult, because as an adult I had a situation that might confuse things.

So I apologise if its long winded or confusing.

Let's start with Sunday night. Watching Doctor Who, the scene with the lad struggling to grasp riding a bicycle. That struck a chord with me. I remembered how long and hard it took me to learn myself.

I started about the age of 5, BMX's were all the rage back then, so my parents got me a silver bmx with red saddle and foam things on the handlebar and frame. Could I ride that thing? No, couldn't get past 2 rotations of the pedals without falling over.

But thats normal, learning for the first go, right? How about for a year?

My parents added stablisers. Still couldnt get anywhere without the immediate sense of falling. This when on for about 4 years. It was only til about the age of 10, through a lot of trial and error, I found a 'work-a-round' as we'd call it now. I somehow realised if I was falling to one side, I should shift my weight and fall to the other side. Kept constantly shifting weight from side to side, I thought this was balance, not some magical central position where you dont fall. So I was able to ride a bike eventually, not elegantly thats for sure.

This wasnt the only thing as a kid. I struggled with shoe laces (Velcro was my friend), couldnt tie a tie til the first year of High school.

I was, let's say 'social awkward', as a child (still am but I try more not to be). I was, lets say 'highly emotionally', looking back over the smallest things.

Physically, I was tall and thin. Clumsy at times, but loved playing football with friends and 'playing out'.

Teenage years were tough. Mainly due to several knee dislocations and injuries, which were found to be possibily cause by a genetic condition found when I was 14. This was XXY Syndrome, mainly causes weak bones, soft muscles a few other things that not aware are related to dyspraxia. But this time in my life made me more 'socially distant'.

In my twenties, I just thought life is life, I was working etc. Developing a career etc. Work is hard for everyone, didnt see anything special or different. It was what it was. Only thing I realised that when learning new skills, I was slow on the uptake. It took my longer to learn them which my employers noticed more than I did.

This probably was the same when I was an university. I always seemed to lag behind everyone as it took longer to learn the new subjects. Eventually decided to drop out.

Now, this is where it might get confusing.

Currently, at this point in my life at 41, I have been crippled with anxiety for the last 16 years. I started getting anxiety attacks at 25. Started when they were building the Commonwealth Stadium in Manchester (now The Etihad Stadium) because we had a period on tremors in the city when they blasting the foundations.

But my anxiety got considerably worse after another knee dislocation at 26 when I probably had a breakdown. A year later, after a year of daily panic attacks, depression, poor diet and no exercise, I suffered a Stroke.

This resuting in a few things like loss of speech, reading, writing, physical problems etc. But after 2 months in hospital and my relatively young age, I was able to walk out with the aid of a stick. Still had anxiety but was working to manage it and was adapting to my new life.

Walking and balance was still a struggle and took constant concentration. After a few falls and another dislocation, my anxiety took hold and fell into depression again.

This continued til this time last year, when I was in real trouble. I had retreated so much cos the anxiety that I had given up trying to fight, I was bedbound out of pure fear.

Thankfully, for the last year, with help of CBT abd physio, I'm on the road to recovery.

But CBT has helped me to identify who I am and what type of person I am and why i tried to run away from.

I'm naturally a cowardly person. I'm fine with because its natural. The whole fight or flight response that everyone has with natural anxiety. But I struggled to identify was why my anxiety is linked with balance, falling over, and an odd perception thing on my right side.

I've had eye tests, psychology tests and things come back as "Normal". Anxiety could be inflating my balance problems or be feeding off pre-existing balance problems.

Told you it might be long winded

So, on my recovery journey, i've been finding myself to help manage things and identify what things I cant control. Last week, I never knew Dyspraxia was a thing. Chances are I might not have it, just a few of thr symptoms after a basic research seemed too familiar to ignore.

So, out of respect to everyone here, not here to offend anyone by assuming dyspraxia is related to my circumstances. But I hope you may be able to help clarify or advise on things before I consider it as an avenue to delve into with my CBT.

I hope everyone is ok and well!

And thanks for reading. Normally, I'm quite lazy and just would have said "Hi!"

PS. Left a lot of things out, so if you need anymore, feel free to ask!

Wd def say looking into dyspraxia would be worthwhile. Unfortunately getting formal diagnosis as an adult can be difficult as provision is patchy and your GP may struggle to find somewhere to refer you to but theoretically speaking a Neurologist may be best first part of call.

Will try to answer more fully soon. Take care and I hope info here on the forum is useful/helpful.

Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)