Bumper Thoughts

Updated on September 9, 2014

(1funny.com)

By: Wayne Brown

I have never really cared much for bumper stickers. Not that I mind what they have written or displayed on them, I just don’t like the stickers cluttering up my car. So I usually get my enjoyment of them by reading those which are displayed on other people’s cars. I never saw the point of having it on my car because that is the one vehicle that I am unable to read it on while I am driving. So, you see, my logic makes sense.

Bumper stickers are a form of self-expression. In fact, short of a live presentation of the middle finger, the bumper sticker may be the ultimate form of self-expression. As much as I believe that, I just cannot bring myself to put one on my car. I find them to be like another form of self-expression, the tattoo. Both are very difficult to remove especially after you become more enlightened and don’t feel that way anymore.

Some folks take their bumper stickers really serious. They say things about the world coming to an end and how everybody but them is in deep kemshei or whatever that stuff is the Koreans have that smells so bad. Others strike fear in the hearts of the reader with warnings, “Caution: We Don’t Call 911” and displaying a big gun barrel pointed right at you, the reader! Some suggest that they might believe in something besides democracy with stickers that suggest, “Imagine…World Peace”. Then there are those who put stuff out there to make you want to run up to their car at the next traffic signal and call them a dumb-ass…things like…”Al Gore Was Robbed!” I must say, I simply prefer the ones with some good old dumb-down humor.

I came across some Internet sites listing some cute sayings that had been spotted on bumper stickers here and there about the world. Some of them were not too good so I passed on those. Maybe someone of superior intellect will enjoy them. For me, I am drawn to the dumb-downed ones that even I can understand. Here I some examples of the ones that I liked from some of the sites:

I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can diet.

Egrets? I've had a few.

Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming.

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.

You probably don't recognize me without the cape.

I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

I feel better after I wine a little.

I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.

I plan to live forever. So far, so good!

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?

Honk If you want to see my finger.

Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Now, most of those made me giggle a bit so they were worth the time it took to read them. I thought this would be a good time to create some of my own bumper sticker slogans designed for fun and frolic. So here goes:

Ever wonder why the drive-up ATM has instructions in Braille?

Life is a messy…don’t get it on your shirt!

I hope you didn’t bring a knife to a gun fight!

Don’t tell my mama I play football for the Dallas Cowboys…she thinks I’m a piano-player in a whorehouse.

You shore got a pretty mouth!

If you can read this, the jerk behind me is driving too close!

I hope you didn’t shave your legs for this!

My kid is on good behavior down at the detention center!

The guy driving this car has a wife who doesn’t understand his needs. Can you help?

Obama could be working at 7-11…he knows how to make change!

Nancy Pelosi spends $21,000 in taxpayer money each time she flies home and she claims to be worried about your Social Security!

If it is so good for the American People, why is Congress exempt from it?

Want some foreplay…fly somewhere!

No, I didn’t vote for change but I could use some now!

With ObamaCare, you can get your rectal exam at the airport!

The President and 3000 people went to India on the taxpayer nickel and all they got was this t-shirt!

When did they change democracy?

If you can read this give some thought to the fact that I might be crazy.

I’m just drivin’ this minivan to keep women from following me home.

My other wife is dreamy!

Nuts! Yep, the kind that don’t come in a can!

Insanity is simply a perspective!

The Unemployed get it for 99 weeks…straight!

Talk about infrastructure investments…how much have the taxpayers spent on Nancy Pelosi?

I never understood why I didn’t become a psychiatrist!

Honk For The Hell of It!

Caution: Trunk Monkey On Board!

Well, there ya go! Those are just a few of the bumper stickers that I might create if I had my own bumper sticker business. It is the ultimate business to have in a democratic free speech society. At one time, that job belonged to the newspapers but they sold their souls somewhere back in the Roosevelt Era and began pedaling liberalism. Bumper stickers have no souls and you can only blame the guy displaying it thus the creator gets to walk! What could be better?

I know there are some really creative folks out there who could come up with some fantastic bumper stickers given the chance. Well, you day has come. Down below in the comments section just simply add one of your own. Of course, you need to wait until you have walked on the buttons here at the top first…you know, a gesture of kindness!

Comments 26 comments

This is a fun read, Wayne. My all time favorite bumper sticker said..."The more you complain, the longer God makes you live"...now that one stopped me in my tracks!

eovery 6 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

Wayne, you know me, I love humor. And you made my day.

Keep on hubbing!

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Wayne, you have me laughing so hard I can't come up with anything to add to your list. This hub was a great way to start my day. Good job and keep on hubbin my friend.

wildfiremare7 6 years ago from Maybell, Colorado

good job Wayne!!! and here is my addition to your hub...

No Matter How Hard We Try... YA JUST CAN"T FIX STUPID!!!

WLWC 6 years ago from Arkansas

Great hub, Wayne. I don't want to sticky my bumper up with all that goo either, but if I were to place bumper stickers on my truck, I'd want these two: one that says, "Either pass or get off my ass" for those who insist on getting up in my tailpipe when there is another way around; and one that says, "If you're in that big of a hurry, maybe you should've started sooner" for those who have nowhere to go (and neither do I) but also insist on being up in my tailpipe. I drive at least the posted speed limit when possible and usually set my cruise at 5 over the limit on the interstate, so it isn't like I'm poking down the road. I think some people just can't stand anyone being in front of them and others are just in too big of a hurry no matter how fast traffic is moving.

WLWC

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@ralwus...There ya go CC! LOL! WB

@tndrhrt23...That one would make ya stop and think but I think I would choose complainin'! LOL! Thanks much! WB

@eovery...Had to get a laugh in there for ya! WB

@Old Poolman...Glad you like these. I wish I had created all of them but can only take credit for the ones on the bottom! Thanks much! WB

@WLWC...Ain't it the truth...I call it snuggling up. I could be the only car on a lonely road somewhere out in the nowheres of Nevade and some dumb-ass would snuggle up to my rear bumper for the night. I am amazed that they can be two miles back, catch up with you and then insist on driving at the same speed you do for the rest of the trip. It's like, "I was in a hurry until I caught up with you"....Jesus, friend, get a friggin' life and pass me! Thanks for all the good words! WB

Pachuca213 6 years ago

That was a cheerful hub! Thanks for putting a smile on my face.- JJ

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

Love 'em! my favorite has always been the one about apathy. Glad you did the hub!

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Pachuca213...Glad you had fun with it and a smile is always a good prize to take home with ya! Thanks for stopping in JJ! WB

@Micky Dee...Yeah, Bush and Obama stickers would probably take up volumes and might have political overtones! LOL! Thanks, Mick! WB

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Wayne I loved the Monkey in the Trunk Video..makes me holler every time I see it. Also of the stickers you posted this one caught my attention only because I had a road rager fire at me once from his car up at my semi, thank goodness he missed:0)

"Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle." I certainly have.......

Loved em all, I have seen so many over the road..Everyone has something to say whether humor, political, religious or just plain dumbass....lol

garynew 6 years ago from Dallas, TX and Sampran, Thailand

A bumper sticker I want to make would read: In Case of Rapture, I Claim Dibs on Your Unmanned Vehicle.

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@saddlerider1...True to form, some people put their bumper sticker in their gun! Welcome to the land of fruits and nuts! Thanks much! WB

@garynew...Hey, Dude that's my car! LOL! WB!

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I loved this hub, Wayne -- the bumper stickers you got off the Internet, the ones you created, and the ones your commenters submitted. I also hate stickers on luggage. Do I really care where you have been?

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@mysterylady 89...Well, thank you...I always wanted to be a bumper sticker creator and have my own shop! LOL! Glad you had fun with this one, it was fun to write as well. WB

wilbury4 6 years ago from England I think?

Please could I order one of each of the following;

"If you can read this give some thought to the fact that I might be crazy."

"Insanity is simply a perspective!"

Cheers.

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@Wilbury4...Ah yes, two of my personal favorites! Thanks for the read and the good comments! WB

daydreamer13 6 years ago

I had fun reading this. Thank you!

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@daydreamer13...Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Glad you liked it! WB