Michael Ironside’s Side: The Discovery Channel Hostage Crisis

We would like to thank our special guest contributor, Michael Ironside for giving Schadenfreude.net his insight into today’s events.

Allright you little pantywaist weaklings, I guess you’re not man enough to digest the days headlines yourself, so Michael Ironside’s been called in to tell you what’s what. Don’t click away to the next page you asshole, Michael Ironside’s not here to be a part of your modern media short-attention span, he’s here to whip some well-needed knowledge and ball-kicks to you dregs.

Listen up, would-be hostage takers, we all know that there’s nothing on cable. Cable is bullshit, just there to distract you while the corporate assholes get your to buy a Shake Wieght. SO YOU CAN JACK OFF IN YOUR OWN FACE WHILE THEY LAUGH AT YOU AND LAUGH AT YOU!! WELL NOT ON MY WATCH!!!

Just because Discovery Channel is full of shit 51 weeks a year…oh, so surprised, that, yes, Michael Ironside enjoys Shark Week? What’s not to enjoy from 7 days of nature’s most awesome fury, a KILLING MACHINE who’s existence is the essence of simplicity itself. TO KILL. JUST KILL!!!! That’s a celebration Michael Ironside can buy into. But the rest of this cable nonsense needs to be taken down in a COORDINATED ASSAULT. Why take over the people who brought us Jon and Kate Plus 8 and leave whoever the FUCK thought up this show with midgets and pitbulls to walk the earth BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS YOU AND MICHAEL IRONSIDE!?!?!?! Why would one man walk into Discovery with a handgun and a propane tank and a flare, when a whole army could be raised on the underground, eating nothing but Tuna, and preparing, for a full assault on FX, TNT, The Cooking Network, and AMC (Breaking Bad isn’t a MOVIE CLASSIC, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING NAME OR MICHAEL IRONSIDE WILL KICK YOU IN THE BALLS. THE BALLS!!!).

Until such a point when we are organized enough to take down these Satellite-pimping pukes. Michael Ironside will continue to sit and wait. and wait. and wait.