Castle of Cards 4 – The Date

May 7, 2017

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You’ve swiped, you’ve matched, you’ve entertained and convinced the other person that you’re in fact not an axe murderer and worth meeting face to face. To some this may seem easy enough to do and does not require a standing ovation but to hell with that, standing ovations are awesome.

Now I have to admit I am still trying to figure out the perfect ingredients required for a date to go crazy well, but the more I date the more I realise that so much of it is out of our control. Do I believe that if I could say the right thing in the right order and the right tone, I could get most if not anyone, Yes. Realistically that’s impossible and would probably require you to betray yourself and become a different person to suit each individual.

So let me tell you what I did find out, here are the four things that I believe should be achieved in order to have a successful date.

1. Flirt: This is what turns a friendly meet up into a date. I have found that without flirtations, a date can go well but is unlikely to become more unless the other person is especially attracted to you. Verbal flirting isn’t enough, you should also throw a little contact into the mix, you’ll be amazed how a little contact goes a long way, lightly touch an arm, if you’re brave enough use the back of your hand to lightly tap a knee. It’s important to notice her reactions as you test the water, does she reciprocate? Does she cringe at the thought of you doing it again? If it isn’t the latter try increasing the amount of time you maintain contact, aim for more playful areas and just bounce off her reactions.

Try to aim for couches or seats that can be placed next to each other and if you can avoid being separated by a large table then even better.

2. Know when to shut up: We all like to talk about ourselves and express our opinions, it’s fun and it’s great when our stories generate an honest belly laugh, so give your date the chance to do the same. If you’re anything like me then you’ll talk like you’re a vanishing Marty trying to get his adolescent parents to make out. Zip your lip for a bit after a good story and one of two things could happen, they’ll start talking or an awkward silence will sneak up on you. If it does then feel free to take the reins, but do offer it back again with a question later to help the other person lead.

3. Organise the evening: This is one for the guys more so than the lady but lets set the scene:

Your date says: “Where are we going?”

You say: “let’s walk around and see”

If this is your response on a Thursday or Friday night in central London then I hope your date likes to stand. Planning the evening isn’t important to everyone and some people are more easy going than most, but if your date’s a cat and you take her to a dog pit, then you’re probably not going to get any tail, see what I did there. Its a chance to show that you’re listening by taking her to a place that might specialise in her favourite food or beverage. It also shows that you can be confident and take control when its required,

James Bond didn’t rock up to the bar to look around and see, mother fucker ordered a god damn Martini.

4. Don’t give more than they can handle: You’ve met the girl (or man) of your dreams, and you’re doing all you can not to cream yourself sitting across from them, all you want to do is tell them how amazing they are and how lucky you are to be next to them, resist. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying don’t tell them how amazing they are, by all means put the moon in their pocket, but just because you think you’ve found “The one” in them doesn’t mean they’ve found it in you, be aware that coming on too strong might push the other person away. Your keenness could be seen as desperation or cause the other person to evaluate if their feelings for you are anywhere near as much as you’re giving out. Try to gauge where the other person is and match them accordingly, this can apply to going in for the first kiss or even asking them back to your place (if you’re into that sort of thing), if the vibe you’re getting from your date is “oh my god when is this over?” Then maybe it’s not a good idea to invite her over for breakfast.

There’s probably loads more than I’m aware of but these are my top four. At the end of the day it’s best to be yourself because there’s someone out there who’ll bring out these four things quite naturally, but if that sounds like a prediction from a Chinese fortune cookie then give these a go.