__________________
This is LIT-erotica where the size of your polysyllable matters. --VelvetDarkness
Come to think of it she's kinda like Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way. --graceanne
Etoile you are all kinds of the best --Lord_Steve

I'd say that a Daddy is a particular flavor of Dominant. Presumably, their authority is based on taking care of someone, teaching them, letting them grow up and leave the nest, although plenty of boys and girls never do grow up.

Daddies can be just as sadistic and 'abusive' as any other dominant. They might frame their play as 'for the kid's own good' or such.

__________________"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"--Pliny the Elder, AD76

Could someone explain to me the differences between a dom and a daddy? hope thats not a stupid question.

I think Stella_O's answer is a good start. Daddy is probably a "subtype" of Dom. I would go further and say that the use of Dom or D in a D/s relationship is pretty broad, and means different things to different people. "Daddy" is probably just as general - though it is more common to see Daddy used in relationships with some age play characteristic, such as DD/lg relationships - "DADDY/LittleGirl."

Much of this is about how the individuals define, and label themselves, so I would say no hard fast rules.

From a connotative stand point, I think "Daddy" tends to be a little more compassionate as a role definition. While both cover a wide spectrum, Dom covers a range of traits that reach some pretty non-empathetic levels (my own experience) while self defined "Daddy's" I have known have had less often the hard edge of some self defined Doms.

But 10 people in a group could use either term to define 8 of 10 "Daddies" or "Doms" and still be "right," Except perhaps to the extent that where the object of affection is a "Little/Liddle" then usually that Dom would be a Daddy.

If any of that helps.

At the end of the day, use the terms in a way that makes sense to you, because it is never going to be so clearly defined that the terms alone will help sorting them out all that much.

Well, I don't know if anyone else has been there, but I am in a position to tell just about nobody in my life about the fact that I am in a relationship that includes BDSM in its dynamic. I can only think of one or two people I'd even think about telling (and one is SUPER prudish), so I was wondering, who have you told? What was their reaction? How did you decide if they'd be okay with you telling them?

It feels somewhat like I'm hiding my true self from the world, and I would like to tell one person in my life other than my Dom that I am how I am. I just don't know how people would react to this side of me, especially since one person I'm thinking of telling is a Sociology/Psychology major.

I don't know where to begin my question cuz I'm not sure if I fit into this category, still curious but here goes.
Within the last year I have been admitting to my husband that I want to be spanked, tits, ass, pussy you name it. He is very loving and doesn't believe in hitting a woman so he has a hard time with this, no pun intended, but he has done some spanking to make me happy.
I also like it when he's on the computer and i suck his cock , like under the desk sort of thing while he totally ignores me watching porn. I feel used but so happy i can't tell you. This can last over an hour as i bring him to the brink and he stops me several times, when he caresses my cheek i feel he is saying "good girl". I want to be ordered to suck his cock and made to feel like a slut (at home not in public) i want these things to be private.
I think i am totally weird to like being used and ignored. My husband would never actually consent to any sort of bondage for me although i think about it, so as far as he is concerned this is as far as he will go.
Am i into this stuff? Where do i fit in? or am i just kinky?

__________________Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I have a question about BDSM. I'm working on a story with a submissive couple that gives themselves to a dominate man.

Is it a "norm" for submissive men to be used? I was talking to a man who is from Korea and he enjoyed taking submissive anally and didn't mater if they were female or male. He also didn't consider himself bi.

Is this normal? in my story, this is what happens, with the submissive couple they both are pets and surrender their bodies to the dominates

I have a question about BDSM. I'm working on a story with a submissive couple that gives themselves to a dominate man.

Is it a "norm" for submissive men to be used? I was talking to a man who is from Korea and he enjoyed taking submissive anally and didn't mater if they were female or male. He also didn't consider himself bi.

Is this normal? in my story, this is what happens, with the submissive couple they both are pets and surrender their bodies to the dominates

Thanks!

Well first of all, dominate is a verb, dominant is the descriptor. Please don't write an entire story's worth of that mistake!

It is more than 'normal' for submissive men to bottom ('be used') it's probably the number one motive impelling men to claim they are submissive.

__________________"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"--Pliny the Elder, AD76

Well, I don't know if anyone else has been there, but I am in a position to tell just about nobody in my life about the fact that I am in a relationship that includes BDSM in its dynamic. I can only think of one or two people I'd even think about telling (and one is SUPER prudish), so I was wondering, who have you told? What was their reaction? How did you decide if they'd be okay with you telling them?

It feels somewhat like I'm hiding my true self from the world, and I would like to tell one person in my life other than my Dom that I am how I am. I just don't know how people would react to this side of me, especially since one person I'm thinking of telling is a Sociology/Psychology major.

Shortly after I first started self-identifying as submissive, I asked this community a very similar question. Here is the thread:

I don't know where to begin my question cuz I'm not sure if I fit into this category, still curious but here goes.
Within the last year I have been admitting to my husband that I want to be spanked, tits, ass, pussy you name it. He is very loving and doesn't believe in hitting a woman so he has a hard time with this, no pun intended, but he has done some spanking to make me happy.
I also like it when he's on the computer and i suck his cock , like under the desk sort of thing while he totally ignores me watching porn. I feel used but so happy i can't tell you. This can last over an hour as i bring him to the brink and he stops me several times, when he caresses my cheek i feel he is saying "good girl". I want to be ordered to suck his cock and made to feel like a slut (at home not in public) i want these things to be private.
I think i am totally weird to like being used and ignored. My husband would never actually consent to any sort of bondage for me although i think about it, so as far as he is concerned this is as far as he will go.
Am i into this stuff? Where do i fit in? or am i just kinky?

Congrats on having a hubby that will slap you even though he doesn't feel right doing it! There have been many discussions in this forum about spanking, why it feels good and how to explain that to your partner-- look through the "library' thread for links to some of them. A
As far as the bondage issue, It might be because he doesn't know what to do with bondage-- there is a lot, much more than tying somone to a bed. check out Homburg's ropework thread http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=543956
and http://twoknottyboys.com to get you started.

You are not totally weird, no. You fit... let's see, you fit right under that desk! hehe. If you are asking about labels, you might find the essay in my signature helpful.

And welcome!

__________________"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"--Pliny the Elder, AD76

I have a question about BDSM. I'm working on a story with a submissive couple that gives themselves to a dominate man.

Is it a "norm" for submissive men to be used? I was talking to a man who is from Korea and he enjoyed taking submissive anally and didn't mater if they were female or male. He also didn't consider himself bi.

Is this normal? in my story, this is what happens, with the submissive couple they both are pets and surrender their bodies to the dominates

Thanks!

Well, as Stella said ... "dominate" is the verb ... the label you're looking to use is Dominant. I'd take a big look around the entirety of the BDSM forums and do some research before you write this story, if I were you.

If you put it in the BDSM category, and there are a bunch of holes in the story, we won't enjoy it at all. So, read some threads, do some homework and remember the imortal words of the Marquis de Sade .. "Sex without pain, is like food without taste."

__________________

Multi-published author and story moderator of the Red Site. Ask me for details!

I'm new here. I seek for some guidance. I don't know how to go on with my life. I'm wondering if there is anyone with suggestions what to do.
I've been drown to BDSM (submission) for quite some time now. But I haven't really experienced any off it.
My partner knows I like BDSM, and he sometimes play's with me, but not in the way I long for.
I know it's partly my fault because I'm scared to tell him what I want because I don't want to freak him out. I love him very much and there is nobody else that I could feel the same way. We also have a daughter and we live at his parents house and at the moment we have limited space and privacy. We can't go exploring at this moment. But I have read some stories here and thoughts are haunting me. I would like that he would let his dominant side out. But we are both inexperienced and I do not know how to proceed. I hope anyone has a suggestion. And of course my biggest fear is that I would push him to much. I want to proceed slowly and in the end I wish to pleas him. Please help me.

Yeah, I was a bit hostile about safewords. My bad. I was projecting on you an attitude we've seen all too many times here. However, even though you've "yet to need one," I think it would be a good idea to have one set up *before* it's needed so it will be there at that time. Better to have it and not need it, etc., etc., blah blah...

As a sadist rather than masochist or other pyl-type, I can't offer any experience in using safewords in a pain (or other) context, but I can tell you that I've been royally pissed on a couple of occasions when someone who should have used a safeword at a play party refused to do so, feeling they would be letting their PYL down. Fortunately, those people weren't my partners (or even play partners), because that's pretty much a deal-breaker for me. If you need to use a safeword, use it. If you need it and don't use it, you're breaking trust with me.

Hello.
I was wondering when you realized that you were interested in BDSM? And when did you know what did you wanted? And how your life changed when you knew what you wanted next?
I am sorry if my question is to personal and if it is you don't have to answer.

There's no 'name' for any special ball whip. Whips are all-purpose, like screwdrivers-- little ones, big ones, soft rabbit fur ones, harsh heavy chain. Figure out what you want the whip to do for you, then look for something that fits that description.

you might try "Genital flogger" or something like that.

__________________"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"--Pliny the Elder, AD76

Hello.
I was wondering when you realized that you were interested in BDSM? And when did you know what did you wanted? And how your life changed when you knew what you wanted next?
I am sorry if my question is to personal and if it is you don't have to answer.

Since you quoted one of my posts as the precursor to this query, I'll presume that you're asking *me* specifically.

To answer: I knew I was interested in BDSM long, LONG before I ever heard the term. More specifically, I knew that I was interested in spanking female rear ends, preferably but not necessarily bare ones, until they turned hot and pink or red actually before I was even *sexually* aware (i.e., knew that Tab A went into Slot B). My life never really changed as a result of understanding what I wanted to do to/with my female partners/playmates; it just developed more ... advanced tastes, e.g., nipple pinching/twisting, pussy slapping, caning, and so on.

And no, your question isn't too personal; I have, in fact, answered it before in this forum, in more detail, on several occasions.

__________________4/19/2014: Please forgive typos and other errors caused by only being able to type with one hand now. I *do* proofread, but may miss an error here or there. If/when I do, I apologize.

Legal Notice and Attorney's CYA Requirements: The author of this post is not an attorney, physician, or marital or sexual therapist or counselor (nor does he play any or all of the above on television). All opinions are offered only as the viewpoint(s) of an individual with a certain amount of life experience, and should not be considered to be legal, medical, or therapeutic/counseling advice.

There's no 'name' for any special ball whip. Whips are all-purpose, like screwdrivers-- little ones, big ones, soft rabbit fur ones, harsh heavy chain. Figure out what you want the whip to do for you, then look for something that fits that description.

Any subs and dom/mes want to share what their favorite tools and toys are? What's in your arsenal?

I'm writing stories with a Dominatrix, slaver type Domme (one who is not really by the book, which is my loophole for the pitfalls) and I'm kinda way out of my element.

These questions are pretty subjective, but that's perfect.

What would a Domme call her collection of tools/toys?
What kinds of clothes are your favorite to wear as a Domme, why?
How do your clothes and gear express you as a Domme?
What do different specific items of clothing, tools, and toys symbolize to a sub and to a Domme?

Any subs and dom/mes want to share what their favorite tools and toys are? What'sin your arsenal?

I'm writing stories with a Dominatrix, slaver type Domme (one who is not really by the book, which is my loophole for the pitfalls) and I'm kinda way out of my element.

These questions are pretty subjective, but that's perfect.

What would a Domme call her collection of tools/toys?
What kinds of clothes are your favorite to wear as a Domme, why?
How do your clothes and gear express you as a Domme?
What do different specific items of clothing, tools, and toys symbolize to a sub and to a Domme?

Thanks for all the education and help in advance!

I call my toy bag "my toybag." Everyone I know calls their stuff "toys" to the point where we snicker by reflex when we see ads for toy stores.

The Dommes I know dress like cartoon Black Widows when they are on the job domming for money, and more comfortably-- jeans and teeshirts, for instance-- or your basic hippie skirt outfit-- when they are with someone they care about, not for money. You want to dress for freedom of movement. Unless you are totally all about the fashion, or can't have good sex without the smell of latex filling your nostrils-- and I do know women who have genuine shoe and foot fetishes, and their Dommes indulge them.

But in the interests of actually realistic BDSM action, (even if in a fantasy setting) I'd like to ask you what you mean by "not by the book."

Which book? In other words, what rules of D/s do you know of?

__________________"Oh woe, these be perilous times! Children no longer obey their elders, and everybody is writing a book!"--Pliny the Elder, AD76