12.22.2015

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are So Many Things in Nature Shaped Like Mushrooms?”

Dear McFartnuggets:

I was eating magic mushrooms when I realized how atomic bomb mushroom clouds are also shaped like mushrooms. Isn’t that weird? How come so many things in nature are shaped like mushrooms? Then I looked down and realized my penis also looks like a mushroom. What is the reason for this? Is it coincidence or something much deeper? Like the penis is involved in birth and life and the mushroom cloud symbolizes death and magic mushrooms are the bridge between the two where true enlightenment lives? -- Jeremy from Boise, Idaho

Dear Jeremy:

Okay, first of all, your penis should never look like an actual mushroom. Have you ever seen a mushroom before? If your dick looks like a portabello mushroom then something is wrong there I would seek medical assistance immediately. Onto your question though, yes it is a strange coincidence that magic mushrooms make you feel at peace with the universe and atomic bombs, a major weapon of war, create mushroom clouds. Perhaps this is because mushrooms are fungus that grows out of the ground naturally and the general form of a mushroom is just the natural, most efficient path at which energy from the ground disperses upward. Either that or it's just a cosmic joke inserted into life by the creator. It’s important to note that a mushroom cloud doesn’t really look that much like a mushroom. To be honest it looks more like a jellyfish. That leads me to believe the similarities between shrooms, peckers, and a-bombs are a complete coincidence.

Mushroom clouds also look a lot like trees which are ironically creators of oxygen and facilitators of life.