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Prolonging Patience

Being a mum sometimes takes a toll. How can I make myself be more patient and refrain from yelling? It hurts and saddens me to know that I hurt my kids' feelings every time I lose my patience and start yelling. Has anyone had this experience?

I think every mum has had this experience at some point. The important thing is that you want to find a different way to deal with your emotions. It can be very hard work being a mum sometimes. Yes, it is the most rewarding and wonderful job in the world but it is often also relentless, tiring and emotionally draining.

Are you able to have a little break each day? Even if it is only twenty minutes when you can have a cup of tea and some time to think it can really help; perhaps when your children are napping, in bed at night or being watched by their dad or a friend. You don't need to try and do it all yourself. Do you have a good support network of friends/ family who can help out with your children? Do you go to many playgroups? These can often be a great way to gain friendship and support from those in similar life situations.

Dr Sears (the renowned gentle parenting paediatrician) has produced this helpful article on ways parents can handle their anger. This includes 'keeping perspective'. Sometimes our children will tip all the pieces of the puzzle on the floor! They may knock food and water over and refuse to go out to the park to meet up on a play-date. However, keeping your perspective means acknowledging that none of these things really matter. Sometimes children are fickle and sometimes they want to strongly state their independence. What they are really doing is exploring the world and finding out how they can influence it. They are growing and changing into wonderful young people and we can gently nurture them along the way.

Remember that children copy what they see. If we get angry they are more likely to show anger as children and throughout their lives.

The children's charity the NSPCC has produced some useful Positive Parenting information. They recommend that parents avoid situations where they are likely to loose their cool and get angry. For example, don't take children to the supermarket with you when you/ they are tired or hungry. If is a potential stressful situation to be in with young children. This can take some forward planning (using online shops or planning out your day in advance with enough breaks for everyone) but is well worth it.

'At the end of our over-tired days the kitchen is a bomb site, the vacuum lays abandoned in the middle of the floor, toys are everywhere, pink play-dough is socialising with crumbs and fruit on the floor, the flies are having a party in the kitchen ... the important thing is that we have made it through the day without several major tantrums (perhaps only a few minor ones!'

Some days are more difficult than others. Sometimes I need to take each hour at a time and get through that with patience and love. But at the end of the day I am happy and my kids are happy; and ready for another day.

Nowadays, kids have fast mental development. As for me, I have a 2 sons - 2 years old and the younger one is only 9 months.. I am having hard time giving them attention especially when they both seek my presence at the same time. How can I manage this situation? I am out of patience to the older one when I need to take care of his younger brother. Hope you can help me. Thanks.

Have you tried babywearing using a supportive and comfortable sling? Many of our forum members enjoy babywearing so we can help you more with choosing a sling if you like. I frequently wear my almost one year old on my back (in a 'half buckle carrier with wrap straps') so that he is happy and settled without taking up my hands so that I can help my older son with puzzles, playdough and drawing (my older son is 2 and 10 months). This helps me immensely and makes my days so much smoother and easier.

Could you also dedicate some one-one-one time to your older son (perhaps when your baby is napping) so that he knows he still has his special time with you?

I know it is hard having two but it does get easier as they can play together more.