As I was reading the story of the Crucifixion today, I realized that part of the reason I felt like I didn’t have anything to say yesterday, was because that’s the only way I know to be when confronted with the truth of what happened that day.

The fact that God sent Jesus to die for my sins leaves me breathless.

How can I stand up in front of the Cross and even think to say something?

All I know to do, is to fall on my face and cry, “Father, please forgive me.”

I know that I am so unworthy of the price He had to pay.

Yet I find that He was more than willing to do it for me.

What can I, a filthy sinner, say that can add to the work that God has already done for us all?

While reading Matthew 26 of Jesus praying in the garden, I saw how we should be praying when we pray for things.

I’m sure that most people know this, and I know that I’ve heard it before, but it really amazes me who Jesus prays.

He is grieved and overcome with pain about His coming death. He knows that this is what God has called Him to do. But He seems to not really know if He has the strength to go through with it.

I’m not trying to say that Jesus wasn’t strong enough to take what God had for Him. Just that it seems that He really wasn’t sure. I know that when I am upset about things and have come to God in prayer about them, it’s generally in a state of not knowing if I can handle whatever is coming towards me.

But still in His grief, He is very clear-headed while asking if there is any other way that this might happen. He knows what God is asking of Him. Yet He seeks out God to ask if there might possibly be another way. Maybe He doesn’t have to die. I’m sure there where a hundred different questions going through His mind while He prayed these prayers.

Yet He kindly asks if God can find another way. Then He shows us how we should pray.

“Not my will, but thine be done.”

Those are the words that we should pray when we come before God asking for anything.

He knows what is good for us and what we need. It’s not that bad or hard things won’t happen to us.

It’s more that in the midst of those things, we can call out to God and He will be there with us.

It’s still not easy to accept things sometimes. I totally understand that.

I have a hard time accepting the things that go on around me sometimes.

I have a hard time dealing with the effects of my depression and the effects it has on my family.

I have in the past prayed that God would take it from me. But that has yet to happen.

I was reading in Pete Wilson’s book Plan B, and he was talking about community and how important it is to believers.

I’ve realized the same thing over the last few years.

I used to think that church was such a burden and the thought of having to go and share my life with other people just wasn’t worth it.

I couldn’t figure out how other people liked going to church so much. It didn’t make sense to me.

I could read the Bible on my own and have a relationship with God on my own. I didn’t need these other people to help me. They all seemed to be so messed up anyway. How could they help me even if they wanted to.

But recently I’ve come to understand that we really do need each other. We really do need to be in community with other believers.

Plus, as far as them all being messed up, I’ve realized that so am I. And that’s really the only real way for us to actually help each other.

If we think that our leaders are perfect then they won’t be able to help us.

If we think that in order to come before God or His church, we have to be perfect, we will never leave our houses.

We must realize that we are all broken people in need of an unbreakable God and the people He sends into our lives.

And the best place to find this, is in a church that understands these things.