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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Freaking Snow, and other useless thoughts

Snow, snow, SNOW!!! That's all we talk about at this time of year! It's all we can THINK ABOUT!!! AND DAMN IT, I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF IT!!!!

Pause for breath...

Yesterday was a snow day, and now my nerves are once again SHOT. Yes, I like the part where I didn't have to race around like an idiot, and have a major fight with the kids to get into their snow gear, but all day was

ELLA AND JACK: THUNDERDOME! TWO HORRIBLE CHILDREN ENTER, ONLY ONE WILL LEAVE.

I loved snow when I was a kid. It was so much fun. I loved making snow angels. I'd eat litres and litres of the stuff (quarts and quarts???). I built snow people and dressed them up with extra hats and scarves. We had a big back yard and if conditions were just right, sometimes we'd get a bit of a rink out there. So, I'd put on my pinchy white girl skates--the kind that are USELESS against the cold--and slip across the snow till I made it to the ice. Sometimes I'd wear that hand me down one piece snow suit that was my brother's, and waddle out there all by myself for good afternoon fun. I'd put on my itchy egg-head hat (picture a flesh-coloured hat/neck cowl hat with a hole in the front for a face), stuff my lower half in a garbage bag and slide down anything that was even remotely a hill.

Everybody wore their snow pants to school, and everybody sat in class with their hair floating above their head from static electricity. Then at recess, we put those same, crappy, knitted, sopping wet mittens back on again, and played some more. I remember in grade one, a boy peed his pants and had to wear his snow pants for the rest of the day, since he didn't have a spare set of pants. He's on my facebook list now. I wonder if he'd like to know that I'll remember that story forever. If I've known you for any length of time, I will retain at least one, weird anecdote about you, and you will sometimes slowly back away from me, because it's creepy that I know these things.

When I was 6, and in grade 1, I used to walk home with my brother, who was in grade 6 at the time. It was a fairly decent walk home, and even though I was only in little, you better believe I walked to and from school every day, and we also walked home for lunch. In kindergarten I used to walk alone most of the time! It was the 1970's, and EVERYBODY walked. Even during the blizzard of '77, after they cancelled school that day--we walked. Mom or Dad were NOT waiting with the car. Sorry.

So, that winter they were digging out a site beside the field I walked through every day; building an old folk's home (or "retirement residence" as they're now called). In the field where I walked, there was a great big dirt hill. That in itself was pure awesomeness, and even more so when it was covered with snow.

Most of the kids would spend some time every day climbing and sliding on that hill. One day, while walking home with my brother, I wanted to play on that hill. He didn't want to. I begged and begged to stop and play together for a bit. He caved in, and we climbed that hill. As I was walking over a section, I suddenly sunk in the snow up to my armpits. And freaked.

"Get Mom! Get Mom! PLEEEASE GO GET MOM!"
-"NO!" He said.

He made me stop panicking, and he lay down on the snow, and carefully rolled across to me, pulled me out, and we both rolled back together.

Aw, now I'm all verklempt.

However, a question has suddenly come to mind: why are children compelled to lick fence posts in WINTER more than in summer??? I can still remember my little class friend sticking her tongue on that pole. Of course it got stuck, and when she ripped off her tongue, that top layer of...well...tongue...was still stuck on the pole. I can remember her whole tongue looking like it was covered with blood. She was screaming and crying, and we were running most of the way home, with her letting her tongue wag out. At the intersection, the only thing the crossing guard had to offer us was one of those scratchy brown paper towels--the kind they have in the washrooms at schools. I remember thinking that was weird even then; why would someone have THOSE paper towels????

We crossed the street and kept running--her with her bleeding, lolling tongue, crying and wimpering. When we got to the point where it was getting close enough to our houses, and I was getting worn out, I told her dramatically;

A girl I was friends with in grade 2 (who happened to be teensy bit of a bully), sucked me in to go down an icy hill on our stomachs once after school. As soon as I got in position, she hopped on my back and rode me down the hill like a human toboggan, laughing wickedly the whole way. That wasn't too cool. That hill was bumpy and hard! It didn't feel too good on the privates. I remember getting to the bottom, standing up and groaning;

"oooooooh...my DINK!"

This only made her laugh harder. Poor naive karen.

They don't sell those "flying saucer" thingies anymore. Remember those little death traps??? Oh gee, I wonder why? Is it actually not a good idea to go hurtling down a hill, whirling like crazy, with ZERO control over where you'll end up or how you'll stop?

25 comments:

ahhhh snow days they were once so awsome that you would pray for a blizzard.now that i am a parent they suck so bad!a whole day of i am bored...can someone come over...can i go to nathans...i am bored...argggh.oh well he is back to school today,thank you public education! i used to love sliding down the huge hill that was in the middle of our street,we lived on a cul de sac so the plow would pile a ll the snow up to make an awsome play ground for all the kids on our street and all the other streets around us.i also remember getting all my snow gear on to go to school,when suddenly i remembered i foregot to put on pants,mom was not impressed.the worst was when you would kick off your boots at school,and your socks would come off with them, i would always step in a puddle of melted snow, brrr.

Well considering I am from the west coast our winters are pretty minimal when it comes to snow.

I hated going to school when it snowed. It meant being subjected to the great outdoors and being lambasted with ice balls or facewashes.

Considering the fact that I was a target of childhood bullies it inevitably meant I was going to get ice burns and scratches and a bleeding nose.

No worries about the bullies...by grade 6 and 7 I was the bully and had all out, rolling on the floor, fist fights all through grade 6. In the middle of class..all it took was for Kevin Dafoe to look at me and I turned into a wild animal who was going to scratch his eyes out.

Ok back to the snow.

When I was a teen my friend was the proud owner of a a HONDA CIVIC.

YOU know the cute little ones of the early 80's?

WEll we donned big old mens wool trench coat style coats..which we thought were the height of Duran Duran fashion...or maye our own fashion. WE then cut holes in a large black garbage bag for arms and head. We then put them on over our trench coats.

One person drove the honda while the other layed down on her back behind the bumper of the honda and held on to that bumper.

the other would drive and we would be dragged behind the vehicle in the snow, hanging on for dear life. Turning corners was scary because our poor bodies would be flung out into the other lane and we just never knew if a car would be there to run us over...so there was an element of extreme danger which added to the fun.

Oh, and it was quickly learned NOT to go stomach first while hanging on because you just got a mouthfull or face full of snow.

We did so many things hanging on to the bumper of that car... I should write a post!

We used to get a lot more snow when we were kids and of course we prayed for a good storm so we could stay home and play outside. I too had the skates that we would put on and walk until we found a patch of ice in the field and just go from patch to patch for hours at a time. The best was when we had snow drifts that we could build forts out of. I was stuck in elementary school for the blizzard of 77 and I had to sleep next to a neighbor girl and she freakin peed the blankets, I wanted my parents real bad. My little sister is the only one who stuck her tongue to a pole and for once I don't think I was to blame for it. When we were teenagers we thought it would be a neat idea to climb to the ridge of my father's 2 story barns and slide down the metal roof into snow piles, it was fun until we got caught.Living in the country we had to find ways to amuse ourselves, hiding in bushes and throwing snowballs at cars, the worst thing we did was jump up and down in the middle of our pond and made a huge hole and then talked my brother into walking out onto the ice, he did not know about the hole and fell into the water up to his arm pits. He was so mad at us. Ah the good times when life was simpler and you could create your own fun.Thanks Karen for getting the memories going.

i grew up in very snowy ny & my brother & i used to walk about a mile to a really good sledding hill in the winter. there was a huge snowbank at the bottom to prevent you from spilling out into the parking lot, but once, i went so fast, i launched up & over that stupid snowbank (probably on one of those saucers of death) and landed flat on my back on the concrete on the other side of the bank. my brother had to drag me home on the sled because i couldn't even stand up, let alone walk a mile. thank you, chiropractor for fixing me up that day. and thank you, brother, for not leaving my half-dead butt there in the parking lot.

okay I am totally laughing out loud right now and my family is thinking i am nuts !!!!lol I love the story of the kid peeing his pants!!!!! Oh Karen that is a total family gene thing remembering a weird thing about someone because I do too and so does my brother!! ha ah ha!!This was such a funny post oh I can't stop laughing!!!!!You just gotta let that guy know on fb !!!! You are killing me hear!!

Alright Melissa, o evil one, you tortured me enough just by mentioning crocuses coming up. Stop! stop! I beg you! Har har..Oh no...not childhood bullies! I was thinking about the dreaded facewash with snow too...Oh my god. I read your post before I read your comment, and I just had to live that story of reckless youthful abandon again! ARgh! Love the wool coats thoughand yes, I know those cars-- a good friend of mine drove one.

Alaina, I'm at a loss for words as I imagine you trapped and having to sleep in the freaking school during the blizzard of '77!!! MON DIEU. Do you still have nightmares? I swear: only in the 70's would that happen. We kids grew up to be WAY too anal with our own kids to let that happen.

that story about the hole in the pond is both hilarious, and horrifying.

Ah, finally an idyllic, peaceful portrait of winter. Thank you Lisa. Hee hee...Serioulsy though, there is something magical about those quiet winter nights, when there's so much snow everything's muffled. I don't imagine you miss it too much somehow though.

Well that was interesting Sherilin--at first I was laughing out loud, and then you landed on the concrete and it went from "huh huh ha ha huh---OOOOOOOH!!!" there used to be this story floating around about a young guy who broke his back tobogganing. Brutal.

ha ha ha ha ha...but Pam, he's too "cool" now, and I don't know how he'd like it. I can even still picture the puddle of pee pooled in his little chair. You and your brother do that too with the crazy memory details eh?

A 2-week boyfriend, from when I was 13, actually unfriended me on facebook within the past year. I think he got really weirded out when I reminded him about the giant hairbrush he carried around in his back pocket, and how he had a piece of cake at my house. Too funny.

Oh.. I laughed so hard I was weeping. WEEPING I SAY. Road you like a sled. I remember that story. What a jerk. *wiping a tear away*

Karen, I want you to blog more memories. MORE MORE MORE. You kill me.

Did I really stick my tongue on a pole? I actually do not remember. You'll have to refresh my memory on that.

But I do remember when we were young and I pestered my little friend to stick her tongue on the frozen bbq. And she did. And boy was she stuck. I panicked and told her to wait while I grabbed a cup of warm water. But she was NOT waiting. She took those mitten hands, grabbed the sides of my tongue and yanked her tongue off. This is gross, but there were bits of her tongue on the bbq for MONTHS. And she left a bloody trail all the way home. Poor thing.

I remember you and I skating on top of the frozen above ground pool and thinking "this is so wicked!"

One time there was such a massive hill in the backyard and I built the coolest tunnel with other connecting tunnels and then little tunnels for my stuffed animals.

Red cheeked, with wet hair perpetually going in my mouth. Snow pants so soggy wet from being outside ALL day.

Wearing garbage bags to slide down that tiny hill in Steph's back yard and thinking that was pretty wicked too. Though now that I think about it, it was a pretty lame hill.

One time our other little friend's HUGE backyard had flooded and then froze into the most amazing ice rink. It had pathways and everything! Totally awesome.

I don't remember the blizzard of '77 seeing as I wasn't born yet. But I always liked that story of Mom sleep walking into our brother's room and creeping him out by saying, "Peter... how will you help the snow?"

Oh Karen...almost peed my pants there...adn my snowpants are at home...what would i have done?I totaly remember skating in your back yard! good times!Aimee...teh hill in my parents back yard was awesome...not lame...come on!! We used to spend hours and hours sliding down that thing! There was the "good side" that was the slide that would send you flying...located bewteen the tree and the garage...adn then "the other" side, which was fun and had 3 more "slides" but youget as far...and the best times were when the "pond" wasnt totally frozen over and we would slide down the hill and land in a giant pile of wet...did that stop us..nope! Our parents must have LOVED the mess we came home in!Oh! adn walking home from school! Always! That HUGE hill of snow that would be made from teh Lions Clubs parking lot. I am pretty sure we all have a war storey about that one! Walking through the park always sucked in the snow.I remember one time I had climb that HUGE hill and trek through the park adn I had to pee...real bad. I was pretty sure I could make it home. I was by myself ( why?? where was my patrner in crime??) I told myself I can make it I can make it...I tried running, which slowed me down because of all the snow and I would run and fall run and fall run and fall...i peed my pants just as i got to the street. My snowpants kept it all nice nice for me...for a few minutes, then it froze and my pants and snowpants were stiff...aweful! I never told my mom or dad, adn sure hope that my snowpants got washed after that...i cant remember :( I was like 7 or 8. Old enough to know that you dont pee your pants...

oh Steph, that was a pitiful story about peeing your pants. That field seemed endless if you had to go to the bathroom. It also seemed endless on the way to school in winter when the wind was whistling through it. I think as a kid, it was expected to come in with soaking wet snowpants...from snow, that is.