THINGS YOU CAN DEAL WITH NOW #PAS

Sort out all the correspondence related to your case, and take copies of everything.

Use the copies to highlight all the key points that you may have to refer to later.

List all the people who are in touch with your ex-partner, your children, and other key people in the case.

List all the people who are willing to support you if needed.

List all the places where you can make more suitable contacts, such as schools, clubs, parks, and appropriate locations.

Find out what events are going on at schools and such places that you might attend and see your children.

Check if you can participate in local events that will bring you in contact with other parents or key people who might help you.

Check for ways that get publicity that could be seen by your ex or children, or those close to them.

Check if you can become a school governor, helper, coach, or in any way a participant in events that involve your children.

If you ex is part of a group: religious, cultural, educational, etc. see if you can join the group or get to know those associated with her.

Check out events such as birthdays, holidays, festivities, etc that give excuses for you to contact your ex or children directly or via relatives and close friends.

Check out the parents of the children who are in your child’s class and see if you can contact them. They might well know your child via their children.

Chance plays a big part in life. It is possible that there are other fathers in your situation who have children at the same school. If so, they may have information that is useful to you.

Cultivate and practice your fathering skills at all times. Ask others about their children, and try to help out. It may make you sad at first, but any children that relate to you will eventually give you satisfaction and help you through this period. There are very many children in need of fathers.

Keep up with your children’s interests. If they like computer games, then try to learn a bit about them.

Work out your Family Tree. If allowed to, then send it to your children or someone close to them. If possible, set up a website about yourself and your side of the family. If possible, make this information available to your children.

If you see articles or letters in papers and magazines about similar cases to your own, reply to them. Also see if there are journalists who might cover your case.

If possible, send material to the friends and relatives of your ex-partner. They may well be sympathetic to you if you don’t impost on them.

If you are in a position to, offer work-experience to students in the school where your child goes.

Check out the school and find out exactly what information you are entitled to. It might be more than you are voluntarily given.

Find out who the school governors are, and how they can help you.

Find out about your ex’s neighbours, and see if there is any way to link up with them.

If possible, set up a child’s bank account (Building societies sometimes do this), and start putting money it. Make sure your child knows about it. When the child is old enough you can give them the bankbook. If the child is a minor then it will be a joint account. When your child is no longer a minor you can still keep it as a joint account.

Buy Premium Bonds, or the occasional lottery ticket for your child. If it comes up you will have a good reason to contact them.

If you can, make a video of yourself and your family. Get some close to you to send it to your child. Use a festive occasion as an excuse to do so.

In all, the approach is always to be doing something so that you are never in a situation of feeling helpless. With determination you will find that there are many opportunities to further your situation, and more will turn up as you think about it in a logical way. Overcoming the feeling of helplessness is essential to dealing with the problem.