Nothing but praise and envy. Great word choice and images, plus attitude! For me only, I would switch L-1 and L2. As Lance inferred, a talented writer just jumps out at you. My favorite: "I've been drinking all day/ and you're not even cute."
Paco

Just wanted to say a word about the last line, which is great because it's understated and doesn't insult the reader's intelligence: it simply relates what happened.

I have talked about my own impulse to sum things up at the end of a poem: to draw a moral. In that mode I might have written something like, "Yeah, we f*cked, but it was meaningless." This would not be poetry because it hits the reader over the head with a sledge and doesn't allow the story to tell itself. "In the morning we shook hands / and skipped the continental breakfast" says the same thing (at least I think it does!) in an artful way as part of the story: it summarizes without summarizing.

Real poetry!

: = )

P.S. I think we are seeing that last lines are important in poetry. If I can somehow make my last line my strongest line, that's what I want to do.

Last edited by LanceRocks; 11-09-2013 at 08:54 AM..

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Everything felt absolutely magnificent... except for this part. This part tripped me up. A lot of descriptive words without a mention of what they're describing. I can infer, true, that he's talking about the lighting of the wretched hotel/motel or what not, but... idk, it reads wonky to me.

Ghostly mostly.
Like starlight from a fiery furnace long dead
and burnt to cinders in a galaxy far far away.
And yet it twinkles overhead, and glitters, and sits disused beside the beds,
of those who are on the road,
to mostly ghostly.