This week’s post comes to you with many thanks to @glbryant, whom you will likely recognize as one of my dedicated commenters on this blog.

Last week he emailed me to say he was re-reading Book 10 in preparation for the release of Book 11, and he’d realized all over again how absolutely irritating one of the characters was. (Fortunately I had intended Tyler Brock to be annoying.)

For those who haven’t read the series, Brock could make a saint blaspheme, which led @glbryant to speculate that even Moonbeam (an earth mother from Book 9 who renames everyone with hippie-type handles) wouldn’t be able to tolerate him.

This quote from his email says it all: “…if Brock had spent any time at the commune, his name would’ve been Astral Penis-Pox Douche-Weasel.”

Which left me both inspired and rolling on the floor in tears of laughter. Not only that, but it was remarkably prescient on his part, because both Moonbeam and Tyler Brock are in Book 11. (Unfortunately, Moonbeam doesn’t assign a hippie name to Brock. Missed opportunities. *sigh*)

So, without further ado, I present the Earth Spirit’s Name Generators, one for the good guys and one for the bad guys. Discover your hippie name below by looking up your initials in the tables, or feel free to make up one of your own. Post your good-guy name below (and your bad-guy name if you dare).

Turns out my good-guy name is Starry Shining Poem (which is a little lame). But I totally make up for it with my bad-guy name: Deranged Zit-Nibbler.

(Note: I swear I didn’t purposely assign words to the initials of people I know. That would have required far more forethought and evil intent than I can muster.)

Good-Guy Hippie Name

First Name

Middle Name

Last Name

A – Astral

A – Misty

A – Dreamer

B – Venus

B – Floating

B – Song

C – Blessed

C – Flowing

C – Karma

D – Starry

D – Singing

D – River

E – Heavenly

E – Cloud

E – Stream

F – Moonbeam

F – Shining

F – Dancer

G – Cosmic

G – Desert

G – Whisper

H – Aurora

H – Soaring

H – Poem

I – Sage

I – Sky

I – Breeze

J – Sunbeam

J – Earth

J – Heart

K – Beloved

K – Soul

K – Journey

L – Zen

L – Rainbow

L – Miracle

M – Dharma

M – Star

M – Butterfly

N – Infinite

N – Peace

N – Prophet

O – Harmonious

O – Sparkling

O – Seeker

P – Emerald

P – Crystal

P – Spirit

Q – Summer

Q – Flower

Q – Nirvana

R – Ambrosia

R – Blazing

R – Freedom

S – Feather

S – Glowing

S – Universe

T – Crimson

T – Daylight

T – Quest

U – Sundance

U – Serene

U – Daydream

V – Autumn

V – Secret

V – Hope

W – Wind

W – Brilliant

W – Utopia

X – Dusk

X – Sunray

X – Singer

Y – Tranquil

Y – Truth

Y – Ocean

Z – Azure

Z – Revelation

Z – Jewel

Bad-Guy Hippie Name
(Firstname with hyphenated Middlename-Lastname)

First Name

Middle Name

Last Name

A – Sleazy

A – Douche

A – Groper

B – Stoned

B – Pox

B – Gargler

C – Creepy

C – Rat

C – Bucket

D – Deranged

D – Toad

D – Humper

E – Slimy

E – Spit

E – Fondler

F – Easy

F – Zit

F – Waffle

G – Wacko

G – Weasel

G – Blister

H – Pantywaist

H – Poop

H – Nibbler

I – Diseased

I – Dong

I – Gobbler

J – Sucky

J – Scum

J – Juggler

K – Nutjob

K – Booger

K – Poker

L – Whiny

L – Pube

L – Chomper

M – Brown-nosing

M – Donkey

M – Squeezer

N – Snivelling

N – Wombat

N – Butt

O – Obnoxious

O – Jizz

O – Guzzler

P – Babbling

P – Vulture

P – Muffin

Q – Wimpy

Q – Goblin

Q – Licker

R – Lecherous

R – Monkey

R – Stroker

S – Sick

S – Platypus

S – Whacker

T – Twisted

T – Snot

T – Crumpet

U – Skeezy

U – Puke

U – Banger

V – Sketchy

V – Turd

V – Picker

W – Wasted

W – Meat

W – Jiggler

X – Bombastic

X – Pus

X – Sucker

Y – Squirrelly

Y – Slime

Y – Dongle

Z – Wanking

Z – Pecker

Z – Tickler

* * *

And in other news…

I’ll be updating my blog and website in the next few weeks, and since you’re the ones who have to look at it, I’d very much appreciate your input. I’m just in the planning stages right now, but here are a few things I’m considering:

A larger font

More obvious menus to get to pages like Books and Guest Book

A link to Pinterest boards where we can all indulge our fantasies by selecting actors to play each of the characters

A techno-geek page on the inventions

A trivia page

A virtual book club where readers can discuss questions supplied by me and/or readers.

Any requests/suggestions/comments?

Also, since the virtual book club would require frequent contributions from readers in order to make it worthwhile for everyone, would you please vote in the poll to give me an idea of how much interest there is? Thanks!

I decided to check out my (ahem) husband (separated for a long time) and really got a laugh.
His good name is Feather Desert Miracle – right, sure
BUT his bad name is Sick Weasel-Chomper – yup!! Fits LOL

I am from the hippie era. Still have some of my old hippie garb & my favorite love beads.
My grandkids get a real kick out of pictures of MawMaw as a hippie, and playing hippie dress-up with my ancient, but treasured clothes!!!!

Sunbeam Misty Seeker here, unless it’s an off day and then I would be Sucky Douche Guzzler. Back in the day they just called me Spacey Jon which was pretty accurate at the time. It’s a good thing I didn’t have any kids because even Fran Zappa’s kids would have been jealous of the cool names my kids would have.

Hehehehehe he!!!!!
Fun post, Diane.
My Good-Guy Hippie Name based on my Blogging Name’s initials is:
Crimson Rainbow Butterfly… based on my REAL name it differs slightly to Crimson Brilliant Butterfly. Both cool names, man!
My Bad-Guy Hippie Name based on my Blogging Name is Twisted Pube-Squeezer; and from my real name I become Twisted Meat-Squeezer. I still sound groovy, but somewhat sinister with that last name, don’t you think?

He does indeed!
And you’re right, a crimson brilliant butterfly will soon be appearing on Splodge and Splatter – thanks for the inspiration, Diane! – but in the meantime,Crimson Rainbow Butterfly has already made his appearance on Beyond the Sphere! 😀

I should mention that You have bestowed both Zen Earth Quest and Whiny Scum Crumpet upon me. The Earth Quest part seems pretty accurate for a painter of landscapes and portraiture- the Zen part, not so much. My eldest sister and I shared an apartment during the peak of her Zen Buddist phase. I could see the benefit for her as I swear she should have an ADHD diagnosis, but I’m mellow enough and centered enough without laying more dogma my way. Whiny? Yes. I love to complain all too much. Scum? Sure, why not? Crumpet??? In what way could that ever be bad? It’s a tasty treat made for butter, jam, or peanut butter to melt into all those lovely craters. I even think it might be an endearment of the sort W C Fields would have come up with.

I gotta thank @glbryant for a great laugh. Between the two of you I’m LMAO. What a glorious concept. Moonbeam and Brock. I can’t wait now. I have joined him and likely hundreds more in re-reading Spy Away Home in preparation for book 11. I knew one of his ilk from a previous job. My Brock wasn’t anywhere near your Brock’s annoyance factor. My main annoyance was that my guy was far more interested in his social media interactions than in doing what he was hired to do, so he wasn’t a proactive problem solver, and he’d get all whiny if asked to do what others did long before anyone asked. Of course his actions greatly influenced how smoothly everyone else’s day went including mine. My Brock was never purposely annoying, just self-involved and lazy.

There’s one in every office, and their annoyance factor is directly proportional to the amount of time you’re forced to spend dealing with them. Back in the bad old days when I worked for other people, I ran across a Brock (fortunately not a co-worker, or I’d be writing this from jail). I have never been so close to punching a guy in the face just from sheer rage, and that was after only a one-hour meeting. I can get along with anybody, but this guy…? I don’t even remember his name, but the thought of him still makes my blood pressure skyrocket, and that was nearly 25 years ago. …wait, maybe his name was Astral Penis-Pox Douche-Weasel!

I’m amazed at how utterly toxic some people/personalities can be when forced to spend time in relatively close proximity. I’ve run into that situation more than once. Taken individually, the guys were okay. Decent workers, okay people. But together? Holey bovines, what a wreck!

And then there are the ones who WILL NOT be gotten along with by anyone. If they don’t reproduce, the gene pool is a better place, no?

For those, how about a group or category name? I suggest Necrotic Pustule Slurpers. But that’s just me. 🙂

SOLD! A new designation has just entered my vocabulary: NPS. And yeah, this guy probably would’ve been okay with other guys, but he had a bad case of small-dick syndrome. He made it his mission to target me (the only female in the construction meeting) and deride everything I said despite the fact that I was the prime consultant and had been running the project just fine for months before he showed up. I wonder if he ever knew how close to death he came?

probably not, narcissists never do for some reason. “ooh, that’s enough about me, let’s talk about me. ”

I also have to stop reading these before my morning coffee has made it into my veins. Your prior post Diane…my brain read “office” as “orifice”, and I”m thinking WHAT? Oh wait, some days that works too [evil laugh].

The good hippie Cosmic Star Universe is swooping onto your planet to save the day from the bad hippie Creepy Donkey Whacker! ZOINKS! It’s alter-ego VS alter-ego in a battle for the ultimate control of the Earth’s spirit. Will good prevail? Will bad reign? Or will the egos ultimately combine to form an unworldly Cosmic Donkey Creepstar Uniwhacker? This battle will be PG-13.

Now, Venus Rainbow Ocean, let me assure you that my heart chakra is just fine. But my anterior spinal chakra is getting crowded. Perhaps if if everyone hauled their auras OFF of it, my inner flower of celestial calm would blossom. Which others, you ask? Well, Flatulent Walrus Clavicle, Galloping Wombat Spewage, and Sneaking Snake Semen to start. And then Bloated Wart Fester and her friend, Heavenly Wallowing Trollop. Perhaps, Venus Rainbow Ocean, if you were to suggest, rather forcefully, that they and all their fair-weather friends or foul-weather fiends, or whatever, float over there and offer to share some of Skidmark’s beloved stash with those nice terrorists, we can put this ugly incident behind us.

Your comments are very entertaining too, Cosmic Rainbow Song. I am curious about your long unfinished book. Is it a text book so erudite to bewilder those who aren’t deeply enmeshed in your area of expertise, or are you writing to entertain your readers, or something in between? Will your book eventually be offered to the public?
Yes, I am aware that this is Diane’s space, but since we all are allowed to tell little stories too, inquiring minds want to know more about the sparkling wits of fellow contributors to the blog.

Thank you for asking, el Tea. No textbooks for me. I’ve had too many professors who were more interested in writing their textbooks and then protecting them than they were about actually teaching from them. I will not willingly be drawn into that quagmire. Not ever.

My yet-unfinished work is at 922 pages and 427k+ words as of today. That’s fairly densely-written Word document pages. I have the prologue, beginning, middle, and epilogue written and am working on filling the story in to match the ending I did several months ago. Purest fantasy. Not one word of reality in it, although it does have considerable humor (or so it seems to me) and other aspects of human and not-so-human life in it. Some, perhaps more than some spots are what might be called poignant. (I wrote some of this stuff months ago, and it still makes me tear up–or worse–every time I go back through it.) It doesn’t contain enough science for me to think of it as science fiction, but what science there is, is good. I’m a fairly rare breed of cat, as it turns out. A mechanical engineer with a minor in English. Sorta. Ish.

I have absolutely no idea AT ALL where this might-be writing career is going. Nor do I particularly care at the moment. All I know is that the writing process itself is almost unbelievably absorbing. And just plain fun! Gad, I love this! I’ll come home from a late-evening class, fire up the laptop, and be in a whole ‘nother time and place in heartbeats. Gone. My wife just looks at me in and shakes her head. I frequently offer to let her read what I have so far, but she declines and just says she wants to wait until it’s completely finished. She might want to rethink that. At this rate, the story might not even have a true ending.

But thank you again for asking. And if it had not been for Diane’s example and encouragement, I would not have attempted it at all. She gets all the credit. Or maybe it’ll be blame. History will decide. 🙂

Wow sounds good, you will have to let us know WHEN its ready to be released, I have to say I used to only read murders, and Terry Pratchett but sadly he is no longer around to write more, but having stumbled in Diane’s work I love her books, I’m enjoying reading them again (in paperback) and can’t wait for the new one next week.

I still love a good murder mystery but there is just something about Diane’s books that is addictive, I devoured the first 9 in about a week.

There is indeed something addictive about Diane’s books. I’ve read everything I can get my hands on for freakin’ decades, and I’ve never found anything like her brainwave-driven virtual-reality network, That in itself makes it all worthwhile, but the real icing on the cake is the group of characters she has created. The good guys are all people I would like to be friends with and hang around with and jam with…and especially to work with! Talk about a dream job! Well, nightmares notwithstanding. And the bad guys are all, well, BAD guys with their own plausible agendas and motivations and angles. And the annoying, er, necrotic pustule slurpers are, er, also well-written. 🙂

The world Diane has created is a fine place for me to visit, and I do so frequently. Frankly, I re-read the whole series again just before each new book arrives so the new one will nestle comfortably into my head as I read it. There are no other authors that I do the same for.

I’ll be well satisfied if my readers are as comfortable in my little make-believe world as I am in hers.

I’ve read two other authors who l learned about because of what they wrote as comments on Dian’s blog. And I’m willing to go for more. I find many people in the arts to be critical of their own work, so l’m betting if you think something you wrote is funny, I’ll be laughing so hard the neighbors will become alarmed. If it makes you tear up, I’ll likely run out of tissues. I do hope with encouragement from Diane and her fans that you will make your book available to the public somehow. I do love that you are writing just for yourself just now. After all, if you can’t please yourself…

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