What wouldn't Jesus do? Try not to act surprised, but another out-there group of holy rollers have been accused of trying to cover up the rape of a child. This time, the organization in the crosshairs is the big-haired Jesusophiles at Trinity Broadcasting Network, an evangelical Christian media group that owns five different, equally saintly channels. And the details of the case against them are pretty stomach-churning.

Carra Crouch, now 19, is the granddaughter of TBN founders Jan and Paul Crouch. In April, she filed a lawsuit against her family's media empire, claiming that after she was raped at age 13 by a TBN employee, they not only did her relatives do nothing, but they actively worked to cover the whole thing up. And earlier this week, details of the case were made public.

The case has all of the elements — slut shaming, drugs, alcohol, the privileging men's testimony over women's — necessary to make any self-respecting woman or woman enthusiast want to punch something immobile. According to Right Wing Watch, in 2006, Carra went with her grandmother on a business trip to Atlanta. While there, a 30-year-old TBN employee wound up in Carra's room, where he ordered a bottle of wine from room service. After coercing her into drinking the wine with him (remember, we're talking about a 13-year-old girl here), Carra began to feel sick, and asked the employee to leave her room. He poured her a glass of water and told her to drink it so she would feel better, and that's all Carra says she remembers.

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When she woke up, the suit claims that Carra was in "severe pain," surrounded by bloody bedsheets, and lying next to the man she had asked to leave her room the night before. Distraught, she told a relative (another TBN employee) what had happened to her, and he responded by saying, basically, that not only did he not believe her, but he thought that even if she was telling the truth, it didn't matter because he thought that Carra was already sexually active, and therefore asking for it.

I always forget about that pesky clause in child rape laws that specify that if a young teenager has kissed a boy or whatever, then she's a free-for-all rape zone for 30-year-olds.

Because both of Carra's grandparents are ordained ministers, they were legally bound to strict sex assault reporting requirements, but instead, they opted to cover up the incident in order to keep TBN's squeaky clean image unsmudged. The man was fired shortly after Cara told her cousin of the incident, but no legal action was ever taken. TBN vehemently denies the accusations.

If this were the plot of a Lifetime original movie, Carra Crouch would somehow rain poetic justice down on the man who allegedly did this to her and the hypocritical family that kept it under wraps. But it's highly unlikely that something as complicated and fucked up as what allegedly went on will be resolved in 2 hours between Brawny commercials.