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Author
Topic: I just tested Poz (Read 12372 times)

That's all I could say when the doctor showed me the result on his computer monitor.

Sometime in the last two years, between a routine check for visa application purposes (two years ago) and a routine check for peace-of-mind (today), I may have contracted HIV. I will get the result of a confirmation test tomorrow, but from what I've read only a handful in 100,000 tests are false.

I'm a 40 yo hetero guy. I have lived in Thailand for many years. Several years ago I diagnosed myself with Cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar disorder). Two years ago my fiance decided to call it quits on our relationship. I didn't handle it well then and have battled severe bouts of depression since.

During manic episodes as a singleton I have engaged in binge-drinking, a little drug experimentation, and risky and experimental sexual activities. With penetrative sex it was always rubber on, but with oral sex ... well, no. I believed the common talk in bars that contracting HIV from unprotected oral sex was practically impossible.

Several weeks ago I decided enough was enough. Realising that the great life I used to lead here was gone, I determined that I would go back to my home country (Australia), reconnect with family, and fashion a new smoke-, drug-, and drunkenness-free life based on simple living principles ... and maybe I would meet a like-minded lady and settle down. I'm scheduled to fly out this weekend.

My visit to the Red Cross Anonymous Clinic today was to reassure myself of a clean bill of health and rule a line under the last two years. While I was waiting I saw a ghostly looking young Thai man, skinny, with what looked like a large bruise on one of his cheeks. I shamefully averted my eyes when he noticed me looking at him and I thought to myself: "poor guy; at least he's getting himself treated".

I've set my alarm to wake me up early tomorrow morning (assuming I sleep at all) so that I can get an early queue number. If I don't get lucky and the Poz result is confirmed, what do I do? Do I accept and pay for an initial course of treatment that might be offered me here? Or do I wait until I'm back in Australia to access the resources there?

Welcome to the forum Forward . I can promise you living with HIV isn't as hard to do as it seems right now , it does get better . You can still have a full life and realize all of your dreams despite HIV .

After your test if its confirmed that you have HIV you may not need meds for some time so try not to put pressure on yourself to make all the decisions in a day or two . You have choices and time to consider them most likely .

I tested pos in this same clinic about a month ago and i am still (or better back again) in bangkok this week. If you dont have anyone to talk to and wanna meet for coffee send me a pm. I will prob leave bkk this coming weekend.

The consulting doctor at the Red Cross suggested I check CD4 and viral loads when I get to Australia. I asked about Hep C. He said the test takes a week thus I should get that checked out in Australia too.

I know what this will look like: After most of my adult life in Asia I only return to Australia because I want to sponge off the state to pay my medical bills. Of course what I really wanted was a new lifestyle of self-sufficiency in a small coastal town. Maybe I can still do that but I foresee regular trips to the big smoke for check ups.

As a matter of interest I asked the doc what the average costs of HIV treatment were in Thailand. He said 3,000 Baht (about 100 US) per month. I asked if he knew what they were in Australia. He said it was free. I know it's heavily subsidised; not free.

As a matter of interest I asked the doc what the average costs of HIV treatment were in Thailand. He said 3,000 Baht (about 100 US) per month. I asked if he knew what they were in Australia. He said it was free. I know it's heavily subsidised; not free.

Does anyone know?

If you were to pay the full retail price most HIV drug combos run approximately $2000 US per month. The reason they are so inexpensive in Thailand is because drug companies are offering generic versions of many HIV medications before the patent expiration in low income countries, such as Thailand. Generics are not authorized in most Western countries until the full patent expires. Atripla, which is usually the first medication prescribed in many countries runs about $1800 full price and will not be available as a generic in western countries until after 2017. However, it is being prescribed less and less as there are now newer medications with less side effects.

Most people in the US and Europe and Australia are prescribed new medications that have only been available for a year or two or three. They are pretty pricey.

I don't think it has sunk in yet. I haven't cried. I haven't wallowed in sadness. The news crosses my mind regularly, but just about all that it stimulates is thoughts of simple treatment regimens and imminent cures. The only thing I have been worrying about is if/when/how I tell anyone about my status, especially my parents.

I'm not in denial. Just about the first thing I did after my first poz test was search the web for a support forum like this one and then I started this thread. And in spare minutes between chores and spare hours before I sleep I have been reading stuff about HIV/AIDS and watching YouTube clips about it.

I have had such a string of bad luck in recent years that maybe I've become desensitised to personal drama. Or maybe the news has simply levelled out what otherwise would have been a manic phase for me. A crash could be imminent. I don't know.

I might as well be asexual now. Sex hasn't crossed my mind since the first test. Indeed I cringe at the thought of it. I will absolutely NOT put anyone else at risk.

You can still achieve the next step in your life that you planned just a few weeks ago when you didn't know you were HIV+. You have taken a fair amount of self improvement steps so why don't you pat yourself on the back for that. There would be no reason HIV would prevent you from choosing a small town over a big city in a country like Australia. But yeah you'll need regular medical followup. What is your plan for a new job back in Australia?

It seems to me, yeah just my opinion from afar, that you should go to Australia and take control of the HIV situation there, for the long term, and have you family near you too. But more importantly I think you should go to Australia, or stay where you are, wherever you can get MENTAL health care as well. It doesn't sound like the greatest thing to have "self-diagnosed" as bipolar. I mean its fine and I'm sure you're learning how to cope, but how about some professional input on that. It just seems to me you'll want to address HIV and the mental health together. So stay, or go back, wherever it will be possible to do both. That's my two cents...

Sorry you had to have this diagnosis...

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Yes, my flight was booked a few weeks ago. I haven't cancelled it. I'm taking a break from packing right now as I write this. I take off very early tomorrow morning.

My first order of business when I get to Australia is to set an appointment with the infectious diseases department of a city hospital. I'm very keen right now to find out whether or not I'm also infected with Hep C.

Also eager to find out what my CD4 levels are. Apparently there's a global clinical trial to start on the efficacy of early HAART. If my CD4 count is above 500 I could be eligible and I will definitely consider it, especially if the benefits include the very best monitoring and care for life (and maybe some form of financial compensation to sweeten the deal).

If I'm asked how I think I may have contracted HIV then I'll offer my mental health theories.

I've done some research into the Australian Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme. HIV treatment drugs fall under a different scheme ("Highly Specialised" or some such nomenclature) but the costs for the patient are the same. Eligible patients pay no more than $36.10 for any particular drug that's included in the scheme.

Workwise, I have an online business (which isn't making any money yet; I have been living on savings for the past two years supplemented by a small freelance contract). My plan was to live cheaply and simply for a while, get involved with local community groups and maybe pick up some jobs along the way. Still can. I was also thinking of joining the volunteer firefighters, but they may have disclosure requirements.

This is very hopeful news! These days, cutting edge treatment - especially for those who are diagnosed while seroconverting - stands an excellent chance of stopping HIV in it's tracks.

Fingers crossed and please let us know what goes down!

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

The viral load on my first blood labs (blood drawn on 31 Oct) was 12,023.

Subsequent blood tests (from blood drawn 7 Nov) have confirmed that I don't have TB, which they wanted to check given that I lived in Asia for so long.

More importantly, those labs show that the HIV-1 strain that wishes to make itself at home in me is already resistant to a few drugs.

Can I therefore assume that somewhere along the line of transmission someone KNEW they had HIV, FAILED to adhere to their drugs, AND then engaged in risky behaviour?

So the upshot is I cannot take any one-pill once-a-day combos. My doc, who I have not yet met, today prescribed me Isentress & Truvada; Isentress twice a day and Truvada once a day. I'll scour the forum for appropriate info and anecdotes on those.

I'm in the city staying with family (who do not know my status) but I want to be based in a small coastal town 500 km from here. My follow-up appointment is not until Dec 24, so there's no reason why I should not make a move now so as not to overstay my welcome. Just wondering whether I should:

1) start taking the drugs tonight and hold off moving anywhere for several days, until I am sure that any side-effects I experience are tolerable and/or temporary;

2) drive to the town tomorrow and start taking the drugs tomorrow night, assuming that I will not have any serious side-effects necessitating hospitalisation and/or a change of regimen;

3) start taking the drugs tonight AND drive to the town tomorrow assuming that if I experience any side-effects that affect my driving I will be able to pull over and wait until they pass & also assuming that I will not have any serious side-effects necessitating hospitalisation and/or a change of regimen.

I was leaning towards 2) or 3) but after writing down the options, 1) seems most prudent. What would you do?

More importantly, those labs show that the HIV-1 strain that wishes to make itself at home in me is already resistant to a few drugs.

Can I therefore assume that somewhere along the line of transmission someone KNEW they had HIV, FAILED to adhere to their drugs, AND then engaged in risky behaviour?

So the upshot is I cannot take any one-pill once-a-day combos. My doc, who I have not yet met, today prescribed me Isentress & Truvada; Isentress twice a day and Truvada once a day. I'll scour the forum for appropriate info and anecdotes on those.

Isentress and Truvada is a great combination. Do NOT feel like you have a less attractive combo there.

I am feeling that you are a bit bitter or angry about the strain being resistant and/or about the person who had this virus before you. The person who was the source of your HIV may well not have even known he/she was HIV+. Similarly, whether he/she knew his status, does not show whether he/she knew the strain, nor whether he/she was ever on HAART. This "someone" was also carrying a resistant strain, that's it - that's all you can assume.

_______

Drive to where you want to live. Settle in. Feel comfortable. Then start the drugs. You mention some pretty alarming scenarios that you are fearing and I think its not so realistic. I think you could use some time to chill before you start.

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I'm not particularly bitter or angry about any of it to be honest. Please don't read any more or less bitterness or anger into what I write, CAPS or not, than what would be within a normal range for a recently diagnosed person with half a reasonable and rational brain. There's no judgement in what I write but at the same time I'm not in the mood for political-correctness.

I'm still learning about this virus and, based on what I've learned so far, I figure that at some point along the line of transmission (not necessarily the last person I shagged) someone prescribed those drugs failed to keep taking them, which led to an increased viral load of a resistant strain within that individual, who subsequently passed on that virus to someone else. How likely is it that HIV fresh out of the jungles of West Africa is resistant to HAART drugs?

Anyhow, it has been three hours since I took my first dose of Isentress and I'm feeling normal. Sleepy, but I was sleepy before I took the drug and I'll hit the sack soon. In approximately nine hours I will take my second dose of Isentress and my first dose of Truvada. If I'm feeling normal a couple of hours after that, I'll throw my things in my car and hit the road, Jack.

I'm still learning about this virus and, based on what I've learned so far, I figure that at some point along the line of transmission (not necessarily the last person I shagged) someone prescribed those drugs failed to keep taking them, which led to an increased viral load of a resistant strain within that individual, who subsequently passed on that virus to someone else. How likely is it that HIV fresh out of the jungles of West Africa is resistant to HAART drugs?

GF, you're assuming that resistance issues are always the fault of the person who develops them (develops as opposed to acquires, as you have) and this is simply not the case all the time.

It's not unheard of for a person to develop resistance despite taking them over 95% of the time.

And sometimes people end up stopping their meds through no fault of their own. Financial problems, living situations and other health problems can sometimes be problematic this way.

So please, try to not let these misguided, judgemental ideas take hold in your mind.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I'm not particularly bitter or angry about any of it to be honest. Please don't read any more or less bitterness or anger into what I write ... There's no judgement in what I write but at the same time I'm not in the mood for political-correctness ... I'm still learning about this virus and, based on what I've learned so far, I figure that at some point along the line of transmission (not necessarily the last person I shagged) someone prescribed those drugs failed to keep taking them, which led to an increased viral load of a resistant strain within that individual, who subsequently passed on that virus to someone else. How likely is it that HIV fresh out of the jungles of West Africa is resistant to HAART drugs?

Ann, I made no mention of fault.

How is my rationale misguided or judgemental?

Resistance could have occurred in any case, adherence or not, that is true. It is also true that the virus was passed on. So someone who knew they were Poz put others at risk (unless they were raped or some freaky accident led to transmission; there are all sorts of permutations.)

Please don't judge me or my attitudes or politics based on a misreading of what I wrote/write.

I don't want this thread to descend into a pedantic political hissy-fit.

So we should leave it at that yes?

PS. While I lived in Thailand there were reports of HIV+ foreigners shagging the rest of their pathetic lives away, franger-free, knowingly putting at risk the lives of the sex workers they penetrated. Thankfully these particular individuals were caught. I'm sure there are others in circulation right this minute there because unfortunately Thailand's permissive society tends to attract miscreants, misfits, (and missionaries). If I want to imagine that perhaps I am an indirect victim of one of these arseholes, then so be it. And I will judge and condemn their sociopathic behaviour whether that offends the moderators of this forum or not!

Resistance could have occurred in any case, adherence or not, that is true. It is also true that the virus was passed on. So someone who knew they were Poz put others at risk (unless they were raped or some freaky accident led to transmission; there are all sorts of permutations.)

Please don't judge me or my attitudes or politics based on a misreading of what I wrote/write.

I don't want this thread to descend into a pedantic political hissy-fit.

So we should leave it at that yes?

PS. While I lived in Thailand there were reports of HIV+ foreigners shagging the rest of their pathetic lives away, franger-free, knowingly putting at risk the lives of the sex workers they penetrated. Thankfully these particular individuals were caught. I'm sure there are others in circulation right this minute there because unfortunately Thailand's permissive society tends to attract miscreants, misfits, (and missionaries). If I want to imagine that perhaps I am an indirect victim of one of these arseholes, then so be it. And I will judge and condemn their sociopathic behaviour whether that offends the moderators of this forum or not!

If you don't want this thread to go off the rails and descend into a pedantic political hissy-fit. then dont have one .

Ann was being helpful and you proved her point in this very post . If you don't deal with your anger and fear you are in for a rough go of it as a poz person .

It all comes down to the fact you had unprotected anal or vaginal sex and ended up positive and its now your responsibility to deal with it in a healthy way and part of it admitting and dealing with the honest fact that you are responsible for your virus , not the person who you willingly engaged in unprotected sex with . This all takes time but you can get there if you do the work .

I'm sorry if you were offended, but I did not label you misguided or judgemental. I was talking about the IDEA that anyone who becomes drug resistant, has done so because they did not care enough to take their meds everyday. That certainly seemed to be what you were saying, and if I read you wrong I can only apologise.

Believe it or not, I'm not being the "PC police", I'm trying to give you some guidance here. It's very easy to internalise what we assume about other poz people - the good and the bad.

If you are allowed to think that only lazy, uncaring people become drug resistant, and if you find yourself resistant through no fault of your own one day, you'll be much more likely to beat yourself up over it. I just wanted you to understand that resistance can happen despite a person's best efforts.

I know it can be difficult to discern in print, but I was telling you these things with a hug, not a slap.

Welcome to the forum, btw. I did mean to say that the first time around.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

As a matter of interest I asked the doc what the average costs of HIV treatment were in Thailand. He said 3,000 Baht (about 100 US) per month. I asked if he knew what they were in Australia. He said it was free. I know it's heavily subsidised; not free.

Does anyone know?

Sorry don't know about the costs in Australia. In the Netherlands, the most expensive combo : Truvada & Raltegravir, cost €43,37 per day

I'm lucky I come from a state of Australia that views the full government subsidisation of HIV treatment as more cost-effective in the long-run than forcing full or partial payment. The enlightened theory is that the removal of barriers to adherence, such as financial barriers, will result in fewer new cases of HIV and less hospitalisation of people with full-blown AIDS.

I was expecting to pay at least the Medicare co-payment for my drugs. The co-pay system applies to just about every other medical condition, but not HIV. I walked out of the outpatient department of the hospital with two months' worth of new drugs without paying a cent.

Anyhow, I started taking my Isentress & Truvada combo last Thursday evening (Isentress in the evening; Isentress & Truvada in the morning). So far so good. No side effects I have noticed. I was concerned based on reading a couple of Poz Forum threads about the combo. But of course negative experiences are always going to be over-represented in online discussions, so I needn't have worried so much.

It's been a rough couple of years topped off with this diagnosis; like a cake of crap with piss frosting. I didn't mean to bite heads off and now realise you didn't either.

Peace, love, mung beans ...

Good on you Sir , hope life is settling down and you do not feel like your going 200mph , I am not clear as to wether you have visited the town you wish to live in , but I hope its going well. Don,t be a stranger.

m

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"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ." Tony Benn