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Monday, December 3

Conversations With My Alter Ego Part 2 - On Missing Someone

Carelessoul: "Hey dude how've you been?"Me: "Why would you even ask that question?"Carelessoul: "What? I was just wondering how you were doing?"Me: "You're an idiot. You know that?"Carelessoul: "What did I do?"Me: "I mean why did you even have to ask that question? You know pretty well how I'm doing you moron. You're me for crying out loud."Carelessoul: "I was just having a little fun, man. You don't have to be cranky about it. Just relax, okay dude?"Me: "Sorry man. I'm just really blue right now. I miss her so much, you know?"Carelessoul: "Of course man. After all, as you said I am you."Me: "Yeah well, there's not much I can do about it now right?"Carelessoul: "I suppose. After all it was you who decided to break up with her."Me: "Yeah go ahead! Shove it in my face!"Carelessoul: "Relax, man. All I'm saying is, you can't undo what's been done. I mean I'm not saying you can't try to get back with her and try to make things right, but it will never be the same. Both of you will remember each other's mishaps and whenever an argument arises, past mistakes get dug up and resurfaced again."Me: "But you can't deny the fact that I was tremendously happy with her. She was the best I ever had. Probably the best I will ever have."Carelessoul: "You can't say that dude. I mean come on you're only 24 years old. A lot of things can happen man. I mean who knows what the future holds right?"Me: "I guess you're right."Carelessoul: "Dude I know I'm right. I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong. I mean I share your pain too. I feel the same feelings you feel. The same hurt, the same anxiety, the same longing, everything man. But it's part of the healing process man. You have to feel all these emotions, for you to be able to move on from what has happened."Me: "But what if I don't want to move on? What if I just want to hold her again and say how much a fool I was for breaking up with her? What if I want to be the boyfriend she wants me to be?"Carelessoul: "Is that really what you want to do?"Me: "I don't know man. I mean I'm really confused by all that's happened. I mean here I was still trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life, when suddenly this happens."Carelessoul: "You can't change the past man. You can only look forward to or plan for the future. That's what you have to think about man. That's what you have to visualize. Where are you going be a year from now? Who do you want to become? What will you be doing? Those are the question you need to ask yourself."Me: "Those are such profound questions as of this time dude. I mean I'm still trying to get over this break-up thing man."Carelessoul: "I understand how you feel dude. I honestly do. I mean I thought she was 'The One'. I thought you were gonna pop the ring on her in the near future man."Me: "I thought so too man. But things change, people change. Just look at how much she's changed now? She seems happier."Carelessoul: "She does seem a little bit happier. Too bad it's not you making her happy now. Hahaha."Me: "You're an asshole. You know that?"Carelessoul: "Sorry man, you know I'm just messing with you. But seriously though she does seem a little different now that you're no longer together. Perhaps she really is happy with how her life is going. Which is why you should be happy for her too."Me: "I know man. I mean I gotta at least be happy for her right?"Carelessoul: "Right! So stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept the fact that she's happy with her life. Be happy for her dude. If not for her then do it for yourself. Save yourself from all this self-inflicted emotional torture."Me: "Harsh words man."Carelessoul: "Well what do you expect? After all I share all your thoughts and feelings. And I'm sick and tired with you moping around so much when you can do something productive, something different with your time."Me: "Well I guess I ought to give it a try."Carelessoul: "You do that. In the mean time might I suggest that we get some sleep? It's already 1:00 AM and it's Monday today so yeah."Me: "Oh sh--! Yeah man we gotta hit the sack. Talk to you later alright?"Carelessoul: "Sure dude. Anytime."