11.15.2004

Whit or Whitout You

In a move that has probably pushed my interest in my alma mater, Rowan University, from simply worrisome to outright pathetic, fourteen years after graduating I have subscribed to the email version of the school paper, the Whit.

While it's always fun reading the words of would-be journalists (just like it's fun to listen to would-be DJs' trying to sound cool doing college station IDs), I am impressed with what the paper has done with the Crime Log since I left what was then Glassboro State College.

The Crime Log, once a dry listing of almost word-for-word police reports, now includes snarky comments. An example:

An officer on bike patrol noticed two males walking on the sidewalk in the area of Rowan Hall. According to the police report, "As I arrived to check their well-being I noticed an odor consistent with what is commonly referred to as marijuana."

The officer also noticed one of the subjects had a cigarette-like object in his left hand. He asked what it was, and the subject handed the officer what looked like a homemade cigarette without a filter. Upon close inspection "it appeared to be what is commonly referred to as a joint." The subject continued to claim that the two were just sharing a cigarette.

There was too much thinking to be done for one officer to handle, and backup was requested. Another officer arrived in short time and with their combined brain capacity they were quickly able to determine that the item in question was marijuana. Both subjects were detained and brought back to Public Safety headquarters.

I'm not trying to slam campus police officers - or police officers in general, and believe me I'm glad my work isn't under scrutiny like theirs is, but when you put "...what is commonly referred to as marijuana" in your police report, it's not too hard to ridicule it. It's like shooting fish in what is commonly referred to as a barrel.

While the Crime Log gets some of its laughs at the campus police's expense, many entries show just how smart some students are:

In yet another testament to how intelligent potheads are, an officer on routine patrol noticed a subject smoking a glass pipe in plain view in a public place. There was smoke emanating from the pipe and the officer recalled detecting the smell as marijuana from the past. As the subject was approached he attempted to place the pipe between his body and a bench. The subject was asked what he was smoking in the glass pipe and he responded "marijuana." The subject was then identified and asked if he had anything else on him. At this point, the subject pulled out medical bottle containing a leafy green vegetation and placed it on the bench beside the glass pipe.

Some are just funny at no one's expense:

Unknown suspect(s) have pilfered the "Welcome Back Alumni" sign which was hanging from the porch area in front of the Alumni House. "Both the zip ties and nylon strap were found at the scene and appeared to be cut by a cutting device". The sign is valued at approximately $180.00. Officers are on the lookout for anyone cordially welcoming back alumni.

By the way, the name the Whit follows a fine Glassboro tradition of naming things for some obscure reason. The school nickname is the Profs because Glassboro/Rowan was once a "teacher's college" - just like every other state university in New Jersey! How many of them are named after that fiercely intimidating occupation? Zero. The Whit takes its name from the Whitney family, who as you surely know owned the glass factory that gave the town its name - about a billion years ago. Of course everyone just assumes that Rowan journalism majors can't spell Wit.

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