You Can No Longer Watch Porn at McDonald’s Thanks to Some Uptight Parents

Serious question: How often were people really watching porn at McDonald’s? Is this just a hypothetical problem or are we talking about billions and billions served?

Regardless, your days of being able to watch pornography at McDonald’s, even if you wanted to (and who knows why you wanted to), are officially over. The world’s largest burger chain recently cowered to pressure from non-profit group Enough Is Enough – tagline “making the internet safer for children and families” – and will begin filtering its public wireless internet. The announcement was proudly made Wednesday by Enough Is Enough chief executive Donna Rice Hughes in an opinion piece for Fox News. McDonald’s, meanwhile, seems to be more blasé about the change: The company appears not to have posted anything about the move to its newsroom or even its Twitter account.

McDonald’s now joins other major fast food joints like Panera Bread, Subway and Chick-fil-A when it comes to blocking pornographic websites, Enough Is Enough told the NY Post – practically drawing a roadmap for perverts as to where they should avoid going for lunch.

Hughes also explained that McDonald’s isn’t the only massive chain that’s been in her group’s crosshairs. Starbucks has been refusing to respond to their request to filter its Wi-Fi. “I’ve asked Starbucks employees whether they’ve had problems with customers in stores watching porn,” she told the Post, “and they’ve said, yes, that they sometimes have to tap customers on the shoulder.” A tap on the shoulder, people! I tell you one thing: We won’t be seeing any more shoulder taps at McDonald’s, I can guarantee you that!

Of course, let’s be honest, those insistent on watching porn at McDonald’s will still be able to do it. They’ll just have to do it on their phones. Or, depending on their level of dedication, via a mobile hotspot. Alas, in those sad cases we’ll have to deal with it the old-fashioned way: by snapping a pic of them with our smartphones and laughing about it later with our friends.

Oh, and back to my original question, do people really watch porn at MickeyD’s. In her Fox News piece, even Hughes writes, “While McDonald's wasn't aware of any pornography related incidents in their stores, their move to offer filtered Wi-Fi is clearly a major step in the right direction.” Well, thankfully we’ve solved that “problem.”