Saturday, April 10, 2010

Unintended Consequences

Most Progressiveviks are drones, incapable of rational thought, sort of like Keith Olbermann or Ed Schultz. They take their marching orders from the higher ups in the plot to rob Americans of their liberty, like George Soros and Oprah Winfrey. They nod like automatons and chant slogans like "Yes We Can" and "Workers of The World Unite". Some are like Chairman Obama, who also takes his marching orders from Soros and Winfrey, but are waaay smarter than Olbermann and Schultz. (If you forget, our arrogant and dismissive Dear Leader will be the first to remind you. You can take that to staright to the government- controlled bank.)

However, despite being smarter than all of us proles, they constantly forget one of the most important thoughts ever recorded in human history. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." For the victims of our public school system out there, this would be Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion. Like all of their other foul-ups, it has had deadly and disastrous consequences.

Let's use America's favorite fascist Woodrow Wilson as the prime example. Herr Wilson thought it would be a swell idea to keep Germany from the negotiating table at the Treaty of Versailles. Now, it wasn't because Ol' Woody wasn't a fan of the Kaiser, he actually thought the Kaiser had some keen ideas on governance. But bringing peace to Europe after the devastation of World War I wasn't Woody's main goal, bringing the world closer to one world government was the real goal, preferrably with him at the helm. Like all other dictators, the Woodster needed a scapegoat and Germany was the perfect fit, since Germany was about as popular as Chairman Obama's health care scheme at the time.

Naturally, this stupidity blew up in the American Dictator's face. The United States Senate had not yet degenerated into the Imperial Senate that we are burdened with today. They took one look at Wilson's League of Nations and promptly told him to shove it. Greedy Britain and France noted that Caesar Maximus Wilson was having trouble keeping his own government in check, so they greedily had John Maynard Keynes come up with a reparation scheme that would have Germany paying billions of dollars until 1987. Impotent and blinded by his nincompoopery, Woodrow The Horrible gave in to the Allies' demands. (Take from this what you will: Chairman Obama is currently using Keynsian economics as his model for his "Fundamental Transformation of America." God help us all.)

As one might expect, this didn't fly in Germany. The Volk had never accepted the idea that they were defeated in World War I. Amongst the angriest at this notion was an Austrian corporal named Schtickelgruber. Oh, you never heard of him ? Perhaps you would be more comfortable if I use his stage name: Adolf Hitler. He helped make a certain populist movement famous in Germany. (And no, Rachel Maddcow, it wasn't the Tea Party Movement.) That populist movement was called the National Socialist German Workers Party, or Nazis for short. After seizing power in a series of convoluted political moves, Adolf and his cronies took over Germany. Not satisfied with controlling Germany, they started a little skirmish known as World War II, despite the promise from Neville Chamberlain that he had secured "peace in our time".

Adolf and his pals Hirohito and Mussolini went down in defeat, but not until the world was plunged into the chaos King Woodrow I attempted to avoid by placing it into Progressivevik hands. The British Empire crumbled, giving birth to the rogue states of Iran and Iraq and the always unstable Pakistan. China turned communist, and the Nazi oppressors of eastern Europe were replaced by Soviet oppressors. This led to the uncomfortable situation known as the Cold War. Occaisonally, the Cold War became hot in places like Korea, Vietnam, and a backward hell hole known as Afghanistan. The United States used Korea and Vietnam as practice for the big one with the Soviet Union and the Soviets used Afghanistan to hone their genocidal skills in Afghanistan.

While paying back the Soviets for their interference in Korea and Vietnam, the CIA met a young Mujahadeen named Osama Bin Laden. They were impressed with the young Saudi's anti-Soviet attitude so they showed him all the tricks of the trade and helped arm a group you may or may not have heard of called the Taliban. In their zeal, the CIA forgot that Osama also hated the United States. That little miscalculation led to the Man Made Disaster known as 9/11. (Remember comrades, Big Mommy has declared that words like terrorist attack and Islamic Extremist are now unwords. Use them at the risk of being charged with a hate crime, or at very least, being called a Nazi bigot homophobe who is worse than a Holocaust denier because you think Global Warming is a scam.) 9/11 proved to the United States that ignoring your enemies is a terrible idea, so when a guy named Saddam Hussein refused to let weapons inspectors see his stash, George W. Bush, a Texan whose command of the English language was tenous at best, decided it was time knock Iraq down a peg or two.

How did all of this chaos begin ? Would Be Emperor Wilson The Clueless forgot "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." He tried to coerce the world into accepting his world view of tyrannical peace, but instead only succeeded in plunging it into a hundred years of warfare and genocide. Talk about opposite reaction!

One can only shudder at the thought of the unintended consequences of Chairman Obama's Raise The White Flag of Surrender nuclear weapon policies. After all, "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction".

I just hope that the "opposite reaction" isn't an American city glowing in the dark or mass graves filled with victims from a chemical or biological attack on American soil.