When I was dating, I didn’t look for submissive guys. I did my own thing and it attracted like-minded people who shared my interests and wanted to befriend me. Sometimes this platonic love would grow into romantic feelings. As the relationship progressed, we’d explore power exchange if it was appropriate.

I don’t think its a good idea to form a relationship on just power exchange. That seems shallow and destined for disappointment. You should be best friends, share lots of hobbies, inspire each other, AND have wild kinky BDSM sex. In that order.

…

Nevertheless, I am propositioned daily by strangers online who want to submit to me. It is very unbecoming and makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps because I’m a demisexual and can’t get into it without first having a romantic connection.

Originally posted 2016-05-19 23:52:17

Anonymous asks:

Serious question. As an ethnic minority do you feel a sense of pride that your pups are all white? I am Asian American and know that when I get to top a White boy I feel a twinge of pride. Because of the way that Asian men are portrayed as being small dicked and nerdy. Just wanted to know if you felt the same or something similiar.

GIF is unrelated to my response. I just feel like we need something funny to set the tone because race is such a trigging topic to people who read my blog.

I don’t do race play. It doesn’t turn me on, I don’t have a preference of one race to another, I do not have a sense of pride about sexually dominating someone who is not subjugated to racial prejudice.

One of my kinks is dominating people that are stronger, smarter, and significantly bigger than me. The juxtaposition of power between my pups and I is extremely hot.

Me: Raised by poor, divorced, alcoholic parents. Kicked out at 18. Couch surfed community college. Short in height, scrawny in appearance, uselessly large cock.

Here are some ‘pearls of wisdom’ for new Doms on how to establish a healthy Dom/sub connection. Some of these pointers pertain to more intense play, but are good suggestions regardless of the type of play.

1. Communicate. Probably the most important skill to learn as a Dom, is how to effectively communicate. As the leader it’s your job to keep communication an open, two-way street. Subs often shut down or disconnect. It’s not because they are being defiant. Sometimes it’s part of their subspace experience, and sometimes they’re overwhelmed by what’s happening. They may perceive what you are doing as abuse, or relate it to a moment of abuse in their past. It can happen at any time, even when doing something you’ve already done before with no problems. Here are some tips to developing good habits to facilitate communication between you and your sub.

2. Be yourself. Even though Dom/sub relations are technically ‘role play’ most people want to play with real people. Especially in the beginning, subs want to know an authentic, personal side of you, and know that you are someone they can rely on, and they can trust.

When a sub offers himself to you it is a big deal, and he’s offering himself to YOU, not some fictional character. He wants YOU to lead him through any challenges and adversity. He needs your help. If you’re trying too hard or doing something that’s way out of character, then rethink your strategy. Your sub will see how uncomfortable it is for you and his confidence may waver. So start slow and easy. That being said, if you’re trying something new and it’s backfiring or turning into a clusterfuck, just stop, say that it’s not working out, and laugh it off. Bonding comes from sharing both successes and failures. Handling failures well is just as important as enjoying success.

3. Establish endpoints, and checking in: Unless it is your lifestyle, it’s a good habit to establish things I call ‘endpoints’ and ‘checking in.’

Endpoints: An endpoint is simply defining the beginning and ending of a BDSM scene. Create a time, before and after a scene, for physical contact and communication. Be positive, affirming, calm, relaxed. Smile, use touch, eye contact, and say something like, “we’re gong to have a really good time today all right?” or “You did a great job today, thank you.” Simple common courtesy. And listen to what your sub has to say. Treat it like a ritual. Subs respond very well to this kind of consistency. It only takes a minute and it does a world of good towards building trust and camaraderie.

Checking in: Checking in can happen within a scene or can be used as a transition between scenes. It’s basically a short rest period - less than 30 seconds - where you ease up on stimulation, when a sub can regroup, verbalize his condition, think things out, relax a little, get ready for more. Think of it like a little chunk of aftercare inside of a scene. It’s a good time to re-establish a connection, check in with the sub and see how he’s doing. Speak with a comforting tone, be encouraging. Ask him “how are you doing?” Over a very short time he’ll become conditioned so that when he’s in this ‘safe zone’ he knows he’s physically safe from harm, and will come to relish those times and bond with you over them. It also serves as a reality check, allowing the sub to momentarily assert control if he wishes. When you’re ready to start up again, just say, ‘you ready?’ and listen to his response.

4. Handling meltdowns and catharsis. It will happen eventually. Especially if you’re involved with punishments or endorphin rushes, S&M and longer, more intense scenes. A strong emotional release….crying, or anger or fear. Grief, heartache, anguish, passion, joy, gratitude. A hundred emotions and powerful feelings all culminating together and overflowing. It’s like an unstoppable force that grabs hold of your body and doesn’t let go. At that moment, it can go either way: It can be a powerfully positive cathartic experience - something life-changing that your sub will be eternally grateful for. Or it can be devastating to him - something that will leave him scarred, erase all the trust you’ve built, and fill you both with regret.

The most important thing you can do as a Dom at that moment, is BE THERE. Stop extraneous stimulation. Make it quiet. Be physically close, but not obtrusive. If you do make physical contact, make it firm contact, like an anchor he can hold onto. Don’t be overly consoling…you don’t know what he’s thinking right now. Just be there, and say the words, “I’m here with you. I’m right here.” Say it just a few times, not over and over. Try not to say things like, “you’re ok,’ because he’s not. Instead, say “you’ll BE ok.” “I’ve got you.” I’m with you.” Realize that this is HIS experience, not yours. He needs to handle this himself. But he needs you there to witness it, and honor it, and honor him. By being present with him. That is all.

When the time is right, when things settle a bit, tell him “I’m going to untie you now and then we’re going to go rest for a while.” Expect another emotional release to return at some point, and again, use firm steady touch, like an anchor. Go lay down for a while with him. Cover him with a blanket. Warm him with your body. Hold him close and let him have his experience. When he is still, give him some time by himself to rest. He might fall asleep for a while. That is normal. When he wakes again, he might be really happy and energized, or kinda dazed and confused, or exhausted and hungry. Your boy just worked very hard for you. Be a good mentor and tend to HIS needs.

So this is pup life?

So I have been a pup for quite a while as people have noticed, but there is lots I just never knew about it before. In the last month I did have my first experience with getting into sub-space. It was surreal and amazing, way beyond anything else I ever got to experience before. This experience has changed me in many ways, most of which I am still exploring.

Now I guess I understand what being a pup really means, and I really want to explore this side. It holds so much more than just submitting to someone, it holds a lot more pleasure on the emotional level as well.

But because of this I am now going through some identity stuff that has been tough to deal with. I have a couple of great online people who are helping me with stuff, but I have quickly realized how it will only get me so far with this. I have no local setup/support for this, and it wouldn’t be something I could just jump in to anyway. For me, to be a pup requires a lot of emotional commitment too, and that takes a lot of time and work to create.

Feeling in a bit of a low point as I work through some of this with my life feeling out of sync with everyone else. I am working to hope to fix this with a visit to see Sir next month, but there is still so much I feel I have to deal with at this point. I am learning about the culture more too as this goes along, and what all the expectations are. It is fun, but daunting…just sometimes feel lonely.

Also: WOOT first text post! LOL

Congrats on hitting sub space, pup!

Originally posted 2016-05-14 22:12:18

thepupupthere asks:

I've decided to read through all 52WeeksOfKink posts, so you might get A LOT of asks as I catch up! Sir and I will be setting aside one day per week to try new things or to revisit existing kinks to push our boundaries further.

Body modification so extreme, that it requires access to extremely illegal clandestine medical facilities and drugs so experimental you get them reconstituted by a biotech company in Moldova

Gourmet play

Macrophilia

Originally posted 2016-05-08 02:08:13

thepupupthere asks:

I'm watching Tank's video from CLAW (I'm pissed at myself for not knowing he was there) with Gpup. Around the 7 min mark, he compares "pup" and "slave," why is "boy" not part of that? For me, I consider the terms a linear, albeit fluid, hierarchy.

Sadly, none of us could make it to CLAW this year. Gpup alpha did the interview during his layover in San Francisco.

Tank is very much my slave, but the word carries negative connotation for me, so I call him my pup. It’s become a friendlier synonym for us, albeit confusing to folks who are into puppy pup play pup stuff. Pups. Ball.

My approach is to use whatever resonates the most. Eg, if you feel the most submissive being called a pig, I’ll address you as such because even dirt is above you. If you feel the most submissive addressing me as Daddy, you do that boy. Etc…

I’ve played with different titles with each of my partners. At one point, @innerbear was my boy because that resonated with him…but now he’s my pup because the term feels even stronger.

Thanks for asking, I don’t think I ever wrote this all out.

Originally posted 2016-05-07 07:11:09

hitenmitsurugi-kuzuryusen asks:

Have you ever have to go through the process of introducing any of your partners to bdsm, and if so, how did you go about doing that? Could you break down your relationship a little bit for me? I understand that you have a few partners and a husband

For a primer on my relationship, please go here. Its a little out of date (doesn’t include my new pup), but explains my version of poly and our relationship power structure pretty clearly.

The Initiation. Or, how to introduce someone to BDSM.

The photo above is from my #52weeksofkink project, where I explored new fetishes and kinks every week, documented with photos and writing. I’m pretty familiar with my kinks, so doing a serial project forced me to explore sexuality outside my comfort zone. It allowed me to learn new techniques and discovered new fetishes, like the very real#big-dick-humiliation. I highly recommend this approach for self-exploration into BDSM.

The structure of a serial project (1 new kink every week for a year) works really well for A-type control freaks, like me. But, if your partner hasn’t already taken the reigns of their sexual exploration, you might consider a different approach.

The Menu Approach

Borrowing from @foxbear‘s “the menu” (recommended reading!), consider putting together a list with your partner of their known kinks and fetishes. Then add things to the list they’re kinkurious about. And, finally, add your kinks to the list.

Explore your overlapping kinks, mentor your partner on your kinks, and explore the unknown kinks together. That might require research online, going to play parties, or leather events. Whatever you guys end up enjoying in this experiment, keep on the list.

Write about it

Whatever approach y’all take, I hope you document it. Writing is a wonderful form of reflection and can help you understand the why something is so hot to you.

Originally posted 2016-05-04 20:30:08

hitenmitsurugi-kuzuryusen asks:

Hey man, love your blog. Would you mind answering a few questions about your relationship and it's dynamics?

My friend Gpup Alpha (of the famous Sirius pup pack) invited tank and I for interviews. I’m happy to contribute to his project, but video is not my format so I apologize for my awkwardness. I prefer photos and writing because it gives me time to compose myself and be more articulate.