Saturday, March 16, 2013

Back
in 2004 I ran across a piece of fitted canvas. So I considered a mural, based
on a quote from my high school’s graduation speech. My adviser who was also my bio and
geology teacher, had asked us what our mark would be in geologic time. When I
began sketching on the canvas I was a freshman in college, in my first
semester. So I made up a list of great people, did a few layers of strata on
the top of the canvas, then a multitude of recognizable faces, and more strata
on the bottom. In the middle, at the base, was the quote, asking what will be
your role in geologic time.

After
sketching in all the faces and strata the canvas disappeared. And just in time,
too. That second semester was much more difficult, with me struggling to
maintain my GPA. I’ll occasionally wonder what happened to it. Recently I
decided to re-sketch the idea, having long since lost or thrown out the
original sketches. The main cartoon looks like this:

Just, so bored this weekend.

Here’s
an example of it up-close:

Longtime readers will recognize the comic format.

One
major difference between now and 2004 is that I’ve a much better understanding
of world history. Also I decided quite consciously to split in 50/50 women and
men, since that reflects humanity. Also there are more non-whites. Teaching world history I’ve a more well-rounded view of humanity.

In
case anyone’s curious, here are the 60 men and 60 women I picked. They are not
who I think are best, or most honorable, or even most impacting. It’s just supposed
to be a representative sample. There is a bias, however, towards the generally
inspirational and uplifting, with a few tragedies thrown in. (But no Hitlers, Maos,
or Pol Pots.) I highly recommend looking them up, and learning about their
various fascinating lives and accomplishments. I’ve given ‘nationalities’ based
on current geography (i.e. ‘Turkish’ rather than ‘Ottoman’). And who knows?
Maybe I’ll still paint that mural someday.

Ross:
Hello, Universal Manager speaking. What would you like to talk about?

Please
note this call may be recorded for quality purposes.

Max:
Yeah I think there's something wrong with my universe.

Ross: I see. Now, can you tell me so I can handle
the right sort of claim - is your universe a solipsistic one, or is existence
granted for other entities?

Max: Well I can't say for sure. Hang on... there is a loud thump and 'thud' sound, followed by a long
silence. now he sounds groggy Uhh...
I was unconscious for a while there. Did
you still exist?

Ross: Yes, I'm still on the line. So we'll go ahead
and mark your case as 'General'. Now, I must let you know, if your universe is
being experienced by others it may mean that alterations on your behalf will
affect the lives and well-being of others. What, specifically, is wrong with
your universe?

Max:
Well it just... I'm not sure. I mean...
good things keep happening to bad people, and vice-versa, and, there are
republicans all over the place. And I
have this persistent rash... I don't know, it just, I guess it's just not
really what I was expecting?

Ross: I
want to make sure I heard you correctly, sir. Did you say 'republicans all over
the place'?

Max:
Yeah that's right. Everywhere,
even. Central park, the tee-vee. Congress.
I saw one in a Starbucks yesterday.
Can you believe that?

Ross: Sir,
I'm going to have to transfer you to another department. Will you hold?

Max:
Okay, sure.

Ross: Muzak rendition of 'Take Five'

Max: sighs, clears throat

Ross:
Sorry to keep you waiting. My name is Satan. I hear you'd like to report
a breach in Hell's security.

Max: I beg your pardon?

Ross:
Your call was transferred to us from Universal Management on the grounds
that you reported Republicans. If there are Republicans in your Universe then
we need to clear this up right away.

Max:
Oh! Well. Yes, there are quite a lot of them.

Ross: There was a breach a little while ago,
according to our sensors. Do you know, off-hand, if there is such a thing as
'entropy' in your universe?

Max: Oh, entropy?
Why of course, it's even more abundant than republicans! We talk about it at meals and
conferences. Very controversial,
entropy.

Ross: That confirms it then. 'Entropy' is a way of
ensuring that if Republicans do get loose they'll be taken care of in the
Universe in question. I suspect a decent knowledge of the concept occurred just
about simultaneously with when Republicans first appeared. Yes...Good news,
sir. I've got a lock on your case and my theory is confirmed. 'Entropy' was
defined in 1865, not coincidentally when your Republicans showed up. As that's
the case the problem should clear itself up shortly.

Max:
How shortly? I mean, you Universe
Management folks, I never know if "shortly" means a few minutes or a
few aeons!

Ross: We can, in special circumstances, intervene
in a direct fashion, a sort of 'rush order', if you think that's preferable to
life with Republicans. In that case you'll have to choose between a few different
options

Max: I'd like to hear them.

Ross: Well there are broad changes, or
target-specific changes. In the broad we can do something like a solar
explosion, rogue black hole, or, the ultimate kill switch, popping the vacuum
of space. Targeted approaches may be more familiar, such as asteroids, and
supervolcanoes.

Max:
Those all sound rather...messy.
No offense.

Ross: Well...in the targeted approach scheme,
although this is higher-end, we can use species-specific methods, such as
genetic manipulations, superbugs, and habitat damage.

Max: Are republicans a different species? I suppose it would make sense.

Ross: Technically they aren't a 'species' at all,
since they aren't a part of your Universe's evolutionary heritage, and are,
point of fact, escapees from Hell. Yet since this outbreak occurred many
generations ago there is the consideration that they've interbred with the
human species. I wish to clarify that the targeted approaches will affect both
Republicans and humans.

Max: So let me get this straight... they're
literally from Hell, and you guys let them out of there, and now they're all up
in our gene pool? Is this universe still
under warranty?

Ross: We did not 'let them out' - there was a
breach in security. This is why all of our universes come equipped with a
standard entropy package. Warranty is void if entropy is initiated.

Max: Void??
Well... who initiated it?

Ross: Entropy is initiated with the automatic
detection of Republicans. The universe no longer functions as intended and as
such the entropy is triggered immediately.

Max: Do we get a refund?

Ross:
Everyone gets a refund, sir. The question is merely where you'll collect
it: here, or up above.

Max: all-suffering
sigh Well... I suppose we ought to just let entropy run its course. What was your name again, sir? Do I have a case number in case the
republicans get worse?

Ross: My name is Satan. Your case is a number beyond
human comprehension, due to an inconceivably high number of calls. We have you
on file. You can call this number direct. We are always here to serve you.

Max: sounding
perturbed but accepting All right then.
You bet I'll call if it gets worse!

Ross:
Is there anything else I can help you with today sir?

Max:
No, that'll be all I guess.

Ross:
Thank you. Have a nice life. hangs
up

Max: turning
away from the phone
"HONEY! THOSE CONSERVATIVES,
THEY'RE JUST A DETERMINISTIC PRE-CONSEQUENCE TO UNIVERSAL ENTROPY! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT!"

I've also been to Costa Rica and Singapore, besides the countries which provided the above locales.

This June I'm stepping out of the States for the first time since living abroad in 2011. Going to see San Juan, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and Panama City, Panama. We'll be returning on the third of July. As such the italicized items above are the sites to be seen.

Still, that leaves quite a lot. 49 National Parks to go. 17 Wonders of the World. A host of UNESCO sites from Petra to Uluru to the Galapagos (not that I intend to see all of them, but at least all of the U.S. ones - 15 to go).

Five Stories:

Having eventually gotten a bus out of Izmir, where I was trapped at the station from 10 to 3 in the morning, I initially crashed upon arrival at my hostel in Bodrum. The next day I first went to go see the underwater archaeological museum, housed in a castle from the Crusades. After this I wandered the winding streets of the Mediterranean sea-side town. I got lunch - a chicken breast from an exasperated server - and read at a local cafe. Then I slowly followed my map to the column clear-cut that once was the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus. Not knowing what else to do, I sat upon a column, and had a Turkish mother photograph me.

* * *

A day trip, usually, from Kyoto I decided to spend two nights in Nara, exploring the sites. Nara has a climate not unlike the Sierra Nevadas in California, full of evergreens, picturesque slopes, and higher altitude air. I wasn't entirely sure why the Kasuga Taisha shrine was famous, but all the sites were in easy walking distance of each other. There I met a Japanese man who had some serious photography equipment. After walking around the temple, like a tourist, sort of idly gazing at the painted walls and turning aspen trees, I asked the photographer to take a photo with my camera - an old manual Canon, to which he happily complied, and complimented me on not switching to digital. Nowadays I always have to look for either serious photographers or older people to take my photo when I have my camera bag, seen in the photo.

* * *

Two years after I learned to rock climb I went to high school in Colorado. There I was re-acquainted with a fellow, who was at that time teaching U.S. History, but whom I had known as a rock-climbing instructor at Pinnacles National Monument (now Park). It was a school camping trip that took me there. I was proud to have borrowed my mom's tent, with poles, and been able to set it up. I especially remember an occasion, as the Spring light faded to dusk and twilight, sitting around a campfire, doing a comedy show. We called our bit the Psychologist Sketch, and I was a patient so tedious the psychologist jumped out the window. The first thing I improvised on the couch was "It all began when I was five. The mass murders, anyway..." These were the first real comedy lines I ever created. I have no idea who took this shot, but a good guess is my English teacher.

* * *

It was March break, and I had a month off from Leeds. My classes were going well. I was studying David Hume, the Peloponnesian War, Cultural Geography and Religious Philosophy. My sister was working in Ireland, living in Dublin, and came to visit. We made our way north, taking a bus through the early Spring blizzard to Scotland. Our family had history there, and growing up in the Bay Area we'd frequently visited our grandparents in Inverness, California - and wanted to see its namesake. In our first stop of Edinburgh my sister snapped this without my knowledge, of me looking out at the Firth of Forth.

* * *

I was in bed, in college, when I heard a knocking at my door. A few scattered footfalls could be heard in the hall, and I rose to see. People, not many, were walking downstairs, quietly, and outside. I watched them go, and after dressing joined them. Outside our dorm, on the soccer field, people were laying on blankets and looking up at the clear, starry Vermont sky - blurred with pastel oceanic hues of the aurora. We lay, gazing at the shifting ribbons of light through the predawn sky, not speaking.