Scoring help is on the way!

It pays to go to the rink early. When I got here I ran into a scout I know, who told me there’s this 20-year-old kid in Germany who somehow snuck under the radar and went undrafted and thus is a complete free agent. His name is Bernhard Holden.

Anyway, this kid is like Malkin, some say he might be just as good, and only five NHL teams even know about him, and my source told me that the Rangers will announce they have won the sweepstakes (a cash payment to his German team for his release) and they will sign him today. He would be the No. 1 pick in the June draft if this was his draft year, the scout said. He’s like 6-3, 220, tough, fast, and has hands like Zherdev. The source also said that the Rangers are sure they will be able to fit him under the cap.

Maybe we will have more info when the announcement is made and we get a conference call.

Also, the owner is here today and the rumor is he’s going to speak with the media for his annual late-season state-of-the-Rangers. And the word is that he’s going to lay it out on the table: Second round of the playoffs or there will be a housecleaning.

C’monnnnnn, no good scorers have ever come out of Germany! You would have done better saying he was Mongolian or something and he learned to skate on the ice deep in the Ural Mountains or something. Sidd Finch’s son.

joeybriggs, on April 1, 1989 Phil Esposito fired coach Michel Bergeron with two games remaining in the season, in Pittsburgh. I was at La Guardia awaiting my flight to Pittsburgh and everybody, especially WFAN, thought it was an April Fool’s joke.

Do you guys think it would have been more believable if I just wrote that Dolan said Sather’s out if the Rangers don’t make it to the second round? Or that Dolan just signed the GM to a contract extension? Or Redden sent to Hartford? Or Voros will play in Carolina?

Now as far as the salary cap goes for the BLACKHAWKS, I made this suggestion recently since the NY RANGER fans are here in droves with warranted complaints about some of their over paid and under performing free agents as well. My idea was to trade BRIAN CAMPBELL to the BLUE SHIRTS for WADE REDDEN who I believe has a salary of around $5mill. But I am sure that GLEN SATHER and JOHNNIE TORTS will insist that the BLACKHAWKS take back at least 1 other player, so to even out the financial balance of the trade

New York Rangers and General Manager Glen Sather announced just now that they signed an aging beat writer Rick Carpiniello to a 3 year deal worth approximately 33 million dollars. Glen Sather also added that he has special plans for Rick. Carpiniello’s pasta eating ability and almost always positive attitude is what this team needs right now. Glen Sather will use Carpiniello as the new chef for the New York Rangers. He will cook pre-game meals for the entire team and read his own books to the players before they go to bed.
“It’s pretty exciting,” Rangers general manager Glen Sather said. “We ranked Rick as our number one, and we expect great meals for the next 3 years.”

CCCP: Marco Sturm is injury prone and not very good, Uwe Krupp was a lumbering defenseman, Walt Tkaczuk wasn’t a scorer, according to my Sabre friends Jochen Hecht is best as a third liner, and Dany Heatley doesn’t count as he isn’t German – his dad was playing there when Dany was born. Why you are throwing out names, why not the Gocs or Mike Bullard, who if I recall got himself a german passport.

I stand by my original statement: no good scorers have ever come out of Germany!

The only thing that had me for a moment was the bit about Dolan’s state of the Rangers speech which he DOES do. So i thought part had a little validity to it. But then I remembered the date on the calendar!

during the season after the lockout our local grocer was stocking a beer called Rebel it was Czech and it was defintely great for its price. It was good but also super cheap… We drank it while wathcing our Czech team. THey stopped just as the playoffs started…

how about trying Smithwicks (pronounce it Smithick or SMitticks… do not say the w especially to an Irish bartender) its a red ale and is made in Kilkenny Ireland

Carp, I was suspicious when you said you got to rink early.
Still all of us Ranger fans are always hoping for present from the hockey gods. So you played on our hopes. Wouldn’t
it be incredible for something that fortuitous would happen.
Unfortunately our news is often on the other end of the spectrum. Thanks for a good laugh!

lmao!! great post….the part about Dolan coming out of his coma and addressing the state of the Rangers was the funiest part. I know he typically does do that, but the housecleaning part was out of control. If I had read this earlier, I’d have thought I woke up in an alternate universe!!!

Marco Sturm, before his injury this season, has had 6 consecutive 20 goal seasons (the past 3 and 4 total being 25+), and played in less than 74 games only once in his entire career (65 in 03-04, another year where he would’ve scored 25+ if he hadn’t gotten hurt). Not to mention that before his injury this season he was on pace for another 25+ year.

So, to me, that says both reliable goalscorer and not injury prone. Do your homework.

Sure, he isn’t going to be confused with an elite player any time soon, but his numbers are nothing to sneeze at.

Yeah, it was really funny. First, it’s completely derivative of Sidd Finch, and second, coming on the heels of the Rangers losing their best prospect to sudden death, I think it’s dumb on top of derivative. But enjoy feeling like Plimpton.

Hey Phil. On the heels of Chere’s death? Come on man? Seriously? You are overreacting in a very big way. If Carp did this months ago, and it wasn’t April Fools Day, maybe, maybe you would have a half of an argument. Otherwise, unless you are joking, put a sock in it.

Just kidding but seriously for a second I was like “What” when someone posted this on the Ranger post on Hockeybuzz, but then I came here and read the second part

“Also, the owner is here today and the rumor is he’s going to speak with the media for his annual late-season state-of-the-Rangers. And the word is that he’s going to lay it out on the table: Second round of the playoffs or there will be a housecleaning”

I just got a call from Sid Finch, you know Sid, he is the one time phenom turned washed up minor league pitching coach from the Mets. He and Bernhard Holden will be arriving at MSG on a unicorn tonight.

Translation: I’d like to thank Glen Sather for this opportunity to represent the New York Rangers. It has been a dream of mine for years to play in the NHL. The comparisons to Malkin are absurd. I’m twice the player (and lover) that he is. Just ask Crosby.

best April Fools joke ever… played it every single year and still got people when I was in grade school…

Jo and I would do nothing different and everyone would walk around wondering if I was Jo or myself… they would walk up to us in our seats and while talking continually ask which of us was which hoping to catch us in our lie…

Come on Rick ! Why did you choose a german ??? When you have selected an Ösi (Austrian) or swiss it would have been better !!!

Did you ever heard about one of our best former forwards
Erich Kühnhackl. Somewhere I have read in the internet that the Rangers wanted to acquire him in the 80ths but I couldn´t find it any more even i googled it here in Germany

Rick, you follow the Rangers for a very long time, can you recall it…???

Erich Kühnhackl is mentioned in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto , so he was probably our best player and forward, but I can´t really rememember seeing him playing live..or in a friendly, when we were in holidays in Garmisch , but that it is more than 30 years ago…

But I am more than confused, you can´t remember your breakfast, when you think on me ???

Thanks, benney. Hang in there, bud. Tough times. We haven’t lost all of our beat writers yet, but most of them are either gone or reassigned to other things. And when we lose a star like Sam Weinman, we obviously don’t fill the job.

About 15-20 years ago, the original Blueshirt Bulletin did a full page spread on Hungarian phenom and Rangers prospect Loof Lirpa, whose greatest assets — aside from scoring prowess, size and speed — were his ankles, which were well-developed from skating on the Danube river and thus resistant to the ruts on the Garden ice. I fell for it then… not even close this time.

Are the layoffs in the newspaper biz why Sam jumped ship to digital media?

And yes, a report saying Hank was out for the year would have been an AWESOME april fools. I would’ve lost it if you, Zip, Gross, and any other beat writer with a blog all posted Hank was out for the year on your blogs.