If only you’d gone to sleep half an hour ago, like you said you were going to. If only you’d watched one less episode of television. Everything would have been fine. Instead, here you are, up at nearly midnight Eastern Time on a Sunday, imagining the end of the world.

I’m sorry. This is just what life is like now. Take some Ambien and lie down. Maybe in the morning it’ll turn out this was all a dream.

UPDATE: If you’re curious, this was what prompted the tweet. Goodnight.