9 Tough Lessons You Should Learn Before Finding The Love You Deserve

1. Listen to what he says – don’t come to your own conclusions.

Guys are usually pretty literal when it comes to expressing themselves. So if he says, “I am not ready to commit yet,” don’t hold on to that and hope that something will change. He is not ready for you or for commitment of any kind and chances are he will never be. It’s better to take his words seriously than to delude yourself and hope for a miracle.

2. You should never have to decipher his feelings.

If you have to wonder about what he feels, you are in the wrong place. Guys who keep you guessing about where you stand with them are definitely not sure about you. The sooner you realize it the less time you will waste. Not saying anything is enough of an answer. If someone really likes you but wants to take things slowly, for any reason he might have, he will tell you openly; there will be no need for you to guess his feelings.

3. He is not busy, he is just an asshole.

If the guy you are dating constantly finds reasons not to text or call during the entire day, he is not busy, he is full of it. He is just making excuses to avoid keeping you too close. The busiest person will find at least five minutes in his busy schedule to check on someone they care about.

4. Just because you are trustworthy doesn’t mean the other side is too.

In the ideal relationship, nobody would play games and both sides would be upfront and honest about everything. Unfortunately, things don’t go that easily. And just because you are not playing games, you can’t always expect the same courtesy from the other side. Even though your way is harder, it’s better to keep it up.

5. Bad timing is not always just an excuse.

Even though you might often hear men say, “I like you but the timing is just wrong,” that’s usually just a way of saying you are not going to happen. But sometimes the timing might really be off; they might be recovering from a breakup, divorce or an almost marriage and they don’t want to involve you in the mess they are going through. Whatever it is, accept it like it is and move on.

6. You can’t run away from your feelings.

The heart wants what it wants. The same way you can’t persuade yourself to fall for somebody you are not into, you can’t talk yourself out of falling for somebody. You can rationalize as much as you want but it will be in vain. So first be honest with yourself about how you feel as only then can you see how to react to it.

7. Only you can heal your heart; a rebound guy is never a good option.

After a breakup, we can be in need of desperate measures but it’s never a good solution involving somebody else. You only end up hurting the other guy and involving him in the mess that you are currently in. You end up feeling even worse than you initially did. Nobody can do the healing for you. You have to accept the situation and go through the grieving process to finally be OK with it.

8. Time doesn’t change a bad situation.

“Give it time.” We all heard our friends say that one too many times. But the truth of the matter is time doesn’t change; we are the ones who change – time just goes when we choose to do things differently.

When we stop picking the wrong man, when we stop forgiving everything in the name of love, when we move on from people who are toxic, that’s when we’ll see changes that will happen as the time passes.

9. Don’t compare your relationship to others.

Sure, we all might experience some similar things in our failed or successful romances but it’s never the same. Some couples could do this and that and you don’t, so you get worried that something is wrong. Some things might work for certain people but that doesn’t mean that the same things are going to work for you.

We are all different individuals and every relationship is a love story in itself. So, we are the ones who have to decide what our love story will look like.

Leah Lee – Writer. Dreamer. Adventurer. Eternal Optimist.
I am an English language and literature professor and writing came naturally alongside that. It was something I did for me until I decided to share it with the rest of the world.
I write about love, emotions, relationship issues and ways to solve them and most importantly about empowering women to become the best versions of themselves.
My inspiration comes from all that I’ve been through in life, and it was a bumpy road but full of valuable lessons. I hope that my experience will do some good to all of those who like to read my work.