1. “Now, don’t get me wrong…” = “Please ignore the fact that I’m about to contradict myself to make my point.”
2. “Well, isn’t that something? = “How can you not see that I don’t care?”
3. “This weather’s crazy huh?” = “I prefer awkward chit chat over awkward silence.”
4. “I’m not sure that’s really the best way…” = “Seriously? How can an adult be as stupid as you are and still be alive?”
5. “Sure.” = “No, but it would be more trouble to explain why not than to just go with it.”
6. “He can be a little hard to get along with sometimes.” = “You’re going to hate this guy so much that the idea of him being brutally murdered will genuinely make you happy.”
7. “It’s just not my cup of tea.” = “I hate everything about it and I now hate you for mentioning it.”
8. “I’m not racist but…” = “I’m very racist and will now provide an example of my undeniable racism.”
9. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” = “He/she is frighteningly unattractive.”
10. “Everything happens for a reason.” = “There’s no apparent silver lining on this shit cloud that has just rained on you but there’s nothing you can do about it now so let’s move on shall we?