Kim Roberts: Not going to give up

Hello. My name is Kim Roberts and I am a stage IV breast cancer survivor. I am 44 years old, divorced, and have a 13 year old son. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007, went through all the treatments, and was declared cancer free a year later. I then went through a painful divorce after 13 years of marriage. My son and I moved into an apartment in 2008 and began a new life.

It was very hard for a while. I was still recovering from the cancer treatments while grieving the break up of my family. I put on a happy face when I had my son for the week, but as soon as he left to go back to his father my world became dark and lonely. I eventually pulled myself out of the pity pot, and decided to live my life to the fullest. I decided to go back to school, so I enrolled, then graduated. My life was really going well. I made new friends, developed new interests, had a renewed faith in God, and met the man of my dreams. Life couldn't be better.

One day I started to feel sick. I was tired all the time. I ran a low grade fever everyday, had flu-like aches all over, and had a type of vertigo. We immediately went to see my oncologist, and he did a PET scan. He gave us the results, and they were the worst imaginable. The breast cancer had come back and spread throughout my bones in the marrow. It was extensive.

I was immediately put on chemo and a bone hardening drug. I had to quit working because the chemo made me feel so bad. My sister threw me a big fund raiser but someone stole all the money it made. So, I have been surviving on donations from friends and family as well as Social Security disability.

After the chemo my doctor wanted me to have my ovaries removed because estrogen was feeding the cancer, and that would make it stop. I had the surgery and that put me into a surgical menopause. It has been horrible experience. I have severe exhaustion, pain in my joints and muscles and some depression and anxiety. I am coping the best I can but it is very hard. It was all worth it though because I had another PET scan a few weeks ago and was clean. The results were the best they could be.

I am grateful to be in a type of remission, very grateful, but I feel terrible. I have been sick now for a year and things have just gradually gone down hill. Not only do I feel bad physically but emotionally too. My friends don't come around anymore, my relationship with my fiancé has been strained, I have a stack of medical bills, and the donations I was receiving are depleted. I am on disability, but almost all of it goes to pay my health insurance. I don't have money to live on my own, or to even buy necessary things. I will not go hungry though. I have asked several cancer organizations for help but they do not provide what I need. I am at a loss as to what to do. Some of the organizations out there that are there to help people like me don't provide the right type financial help. Sometimes I just want to give up.

I'm trying very hard to have a positive outlook. I know that God will guide me in the right direction to get help. I'm trying to turn it all over to him. I survived a difficult childhood and now am fighting incurable cancer. I know that I am a fighter and I'm not going to give up. Every time I look at my son, I am reminded of why I fight this illness. Thanks to websites like this and to online breast cancer boards, I feel strong and supported. I wouldn't make it without them. Thank you for listening to my story.
Sincerely
Kim Roberts