i thought i might just make an update. well things are very good, we are getting on very well. we both had a our sepearate holidays which we badly needed (not as in being apart-just needed a holiday-c was away with her sister and her kids, i was away on my own). we had a bit of crisis a few eeks ago where i lost the plot completely, caused mayhem at work, was gonna quit my job, refused all help and told c i was ending the relationship, i even told my mates to get to f$$k. thankfully i was forced to see my gp urgently, i was signed off work and had to be sorted out on the medication front-i wont bore with the details.c point blank refused to end the relationship as she knew i was quite literally having a 'nervous breakdown'. friends rallied and i'm much better and getting excellent support from occupational health and gp has been brilliant, he was really concerned about me.i was not thinking straight at all, really bad thoughts and responding to them. not violent or anything just low and bleak and negative.

anyway, its all sorted now, c and i are both the stronger for it and we really are getting on better than we ever have. it was a real crisis a few weeks ago but we have seen it through.so there you go. any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

hi ticktock, yes it does, i quite literally was not well. c and i were talking about this just last night, we had a lovely night btw. sh ewas telling me that she does not walk away from problems like this when she loves someone. if all this had happned a few weeks into the raltionship she thinks she would hve walked away,and who could blame her but not now.its all good.ahahha shes away to work with the homemade lasgane i made for her for lunch.

i like to update as people are so kind in taking notice but i find it theraputic reading through the thread. my god i was quite mad at times. anyway, c and i have had a couple of lovely days (in the passing at work-is'nt a sneaky kiss so much fun at work?) and had a really special couple of nights together. we spoke abouut our crisis and have come to the conclusion, as bad as it was, that this crisis we had has made us stronger and closer. we both know that if their problems in our lives or the relationhip we can rely on each other. this seems to be a big thing for c as she has always felt used and has always been cheated on. i suppose its just a plain old trust thing.anyway, as i say, its all very good.

hi well, another update, keeps me right and if anyone is interested they can check in. things are going so very well with c and i. we have become closer over the last few weeks, spending more time together etc etc. no particular reason why this happened. i completely adore her and she also tells me how much she adores me, wants to be with me and does'nt want to lose me. the only think i can think of is that as my anti-depressants are now fully working and i'm seeing the counsellor at work i'm more postive, less bleak, less anxious and less insecure i this have had no mad thoughts of ending the relationship because i thought i did not deserve c. i suspect she has picked up on this and her own waryness of me due to my anxieties and low self esteem has gone. she has depression issues as well but she is very just now also, she also states that this is due to her being happy with me as i'm so 'wonderful,thoughful an kind'. so, its all very,very good and i feel very lucky and fortunate. she's away with her pal and her kids for a few days and i'm missing her and she has sent back some leovely texts about how much she misses me and loves me.my thoughts are with those who are not as fortunate as us just now.hang in there.

well, all is well. not long back from our first holiday together which went really well and had a brilliant,chilled time.we have another holiday in a couple of months.i cant explain it but we are just clicking, getting on and if this makes sense getting a rhythm going between us, what we do, where we go and when, it just works. c is always telling me how kind, considerate etc i'am and very understanding of her babysitting commitments, which i partake of gladly.despite all my worries and insecurities in the past i just KNEW we were right for each other, that seems to be coming to fruition now.i wish all well and remember if a dick like me can find happiness anyone can.

Things are very good, c, i suspect is on a bit of a downer just now and she is being distant and aloof for the last couple of days, these things always worry me and thats prob why am venting just now.i still have my moments when i feel scared i'll lose her.we have booked another holiday in april, we are going to vegas and taking her niece, we are so looking forward to it. we have had some discussions about living together on a gradual basis, she has her own place but is thinking of semi-renting to her brother (sound complicsted but its not really).we spoke about perhaps getting married in vegas which she likes the idea of but is not so keen as we would essentialy running away and doing it in secret (which is my preference-NO FUSS/EXPENSE!!)c likes the idea of her family being there and wearing a nice dress, garter etc. being a bride i suppose, which is fair enough. we would probably be hungove in vegas lol i just have my moments when i'm scared i will lose the best thing that has happened to me in a long,long time.there ye are.

hi, i need some advice and hope someone can help.1. c's niece is very much c's boss, she is 8.she stays with her most nights, which i'am fine with but she sleeps in the double bed with with c and i sleep in the spare room, that is the case 90% of the time i stay at her place. i feel her niece is too old to be doing that and feel she should be in 'her room'. there are times it puts me off going over if its late and c is tired as she will be in bed with her niece and am in the spare room, it kinda defeats the purpose.should i broach this with c and if so how?

2. we loosely work together, c is friendly with a woman we both work with, not best pals but occassionaly do lunch or go to the gym, c and this woman work very closely. this woman does not like me and has become very difficult of late, she is witching about everyone and very moody (i know she has domestic problems of her own) but i seem to be getting the brunt of her moods and witching but for the sake of c i dont bite and remain aloof but pleasant and personal. i think this woman may be witching to c about me and i'm concerned she may try and split us up. c is aware of her moods and attitude towards me and agrees she is a huge pain in the bum just now, c thinks she may be jealous of us as this woman had a wee thing for me in the past that i was unaware of.its doing my head in and dunno what to do. the woman has also been saying in front of others that we should not work together, she would never say this to c and if c found out she had she would fall out with her.what do i do.

i should also add we are doing very well, very much in love and happy, a lovely xmas with her folks. we have our usual petty disagreements but i know this normal in a relationship. we often speak making plans to get married and live together and that should happen this year. her niece and this woman at work are the problem just now.

I think you should broach the subject of the neice with c.Just ask her when she thinks it would be an appropriate time to think about setting her up in her own room. She can't sleep with c forever and at some point it may become a problem for her neice, like when she starts "big" school. It could open her up to a lot of teasing. How will she have friends over to stay and socialise in a normal way.If your handy you could suggest turning the spare room into her special room and getting her to choose the wallpaper and colour scheme etc. Or if she already has her own room revamping it so she likes it more and wnats to stay in there.Also if you are to move in it really isn't a permanet solution for you to sleep in the spare room.Is there a specific reason she sleeps with c i.e scared of the dark. These things can be tackled with night lights, leaving the door open. If she doesn't like being alone she could have soft music or a story tape on.

As for the woman at work maybe the best thing is to mention to c this woman has been saying you shouldn't work together, If that will get her out of c's life then that is a good thing. Apart from that you will just have to ignore her and accept she is just jealous.

Hi, i suppose i only post when there is a problem and houston we have a problem. Things have been great, 2 wonderful holidays, another planned.plan is to move in together as soon as c sells her place (which could take time).C has also said she plans to come off her contraceptive as it can take a while to come out of her system and if she becomes pregnant then so be it.As i say its all good, we even sorted the niece in her bed issue by decorating a room of her own.

However, this woman at work (and her 2/3 cronies) continue to make life very difficult, if she does the rota she puts us both on opposite shifts and days off, it is fact that this woman has been telling lies about me and has admitted that she was 'delighted she turned steve against me'.She is however C's pal out of work, i have never told c to stop seeing her or anything like that but have said she is a dangerous and manipulative person (many of my colleagues know her of old and have said this).C tends to hang about with her at work a lot as she gives c an easy time and c likes an easy ride at work.i understand that.

Last night we had a big fall out after work1. C had intimated she was coming to mine but cancelled late on, i was hissed at that.2. I complained about the manipulation at work this woman and her cronies are causing, i was left out of the friday night teas, i did most of the work and was generaly ignored the whole day.

C was furious i shouted at her about this, i accused her of being in a clique and being part of the cronies who are lazy and give me grief.she then said twice we should take a break and that moving in was on hold and that she would be spending less time with me from now on.Now dont get me wrong, i say things in anger i dont mean and i tend to shout and etc etc. C also has a vicious tongue on her when angry (relationships eh?)

i sent her a text apologising for being angry and saying bad things about her, and that we will never again discuss that Fu$$ing woman and her cronies again but i still remained annoyed about her cancelling at the last minute.I also explained that arguing is normal.I got a text this morning saying she does not want us to end. i replied saying that i was very worried about some of the things she said about not loving together, trial separation etc (this came right out of the blue) and that if she feels unhappy she should be brave and end us explaining i dont 'breaks' etc.

As you say arguments happen in any relationship, and it is always difficult with deal with some of the less than positive relationships your partner has with other women. No woman likes to feel she is with a man who is trying to isolate her from her friends.

I would give it a few more days, this is a big test of how much she wants to be with you and all this talk of moving in together and babies would be pointless if she throws it all away so easily.

Maybe this has all got a bit too serious for her too quickly and she is a little scared?

As for the other woman, friend of your partner or not the gloves need to come off. This is plain and simple bullying, keep a written record of every incident and make it clear it is being kept, find out your companies policies on bullying and express your concerns in written form to the immediate line of management above yourselves. This woman is relying on you not doing anything because it might upset your girlfriend, if you are going to lose her anyway by not doing anything then you might as well do something. If she has an ounce of sense she will back off...

Wow, stumbled upon this on old links in PC. What a time we had.Anyway, we are now very happily married, it's all good basically. Thanks for all the good advice in past.2 happy people.My best to all with relationship problems.

Thanks very much for the update! We don't always find out whether or not people have a happy ending, so it's really nice to hear about yours!

PP has changed quite a lot since you were last here, but feel free to drop in any time for a chat, a niggle, or to comment on other people's problems if you feel like it - PP is much quieter than when you were here last, but there's always someone popping in and out.