Fantasy Football 2009: Make the Right Moves and Humiliate Your Opponents

The time for some good ‘ol fantasy football is upon us as NFL teams across America prepare for the start of a new season. Players feel confident, coaches talk glowingly about their team’s championship prospects, and regular Joes like you and me can once again place ourselves in the make-believe world of fantasy football where dreams of domination can be claimed. But, oh no! How can you possibly know which players are the one for you this year? Surely, you cannot rely on the same strategies as you did last year. Where’s the fun and joy in all of that? It’s time to sit down and start thinking of new ideas. Let me show you mine.

Read pre-draft rankings from sports websites and magazines. Believe it or not, there are actually people who analyze and discuss fantasy sports for a living. Why not listen to their opinions?

Mock drafts are important in fantasy football. With slimmer team rosters than in fantasy baseball, every pick counts. Making a premature pick or underestimating another player’s value to others can leave you hopelessly begging members of your league for trades after the draft. That’s too much effort to overcome such a setback early on.

Seclude yourself from the world. Temporarily, at least. How awful would it be to have your mother coming in during your draft telling you to go feed the neighbor’s cat or your little sister begging you to watch Hannah Montana with her? So, put on your million-dollar-face and treat your family and friends like royalty the day before. They wont be coming to haggle you on the big day.

Draft on an empty stomach. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Please, if you absolutely must eat a big meal prior to the draft, eat something that is “fresh”(not 5 days old) and gives your digestive system plenty of time to clean out the horrible waste you poison your body with.

Use a trusted computer.Today, during my fantasy football draft, my computer overheated and crashed right before my first pick. By the time I got back into the draft, my computer had drafted 5 wide receivers and 6 quarterbacks for me. FML. Please. Don’t let this end up being your horror story. Find a good computer you can get your hands on.

Become the Joker. Manipulate, lie, and destroy. Trash-talking can often confuse others into believing that picking up a kicker before the 8th round is a good idea. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Other’s mistakes are to your benefit.

Figure out which is the strongest and deepest position. If there is a wealth of productive running backs at your disposal, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make some risky moves early like drafting Tom Brady in the first round.

Don’t let others influence your decision making. Oftentimes during a draft, people will suddenly begin drafting solely running backs or tight-ends like there was no tomorrow. Don’t get nervous and jump on this bandwagon to nowhere. Also, don’t let the guy who picks up Antonio Gates in the third round fool you. Take advantage of the moment and stick to your pre-draft plans.