Tag Archives: Ke$ha

There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you! Welcome back to another Monday’s re-cap, let’s get excited! More excited than that. Okay, just try and pretend you’re excited. The show started about 10 minutes early today, and if you missed it, that’s all on you. Ellis say’s he had a ripe cat shit on his chest this morning, which you gotta wonder if that’s true because I didn’t see any Instagrams of dead, bald, cats from him today. Ellis is wondering why the radio ball hasn’t been thrown to him yet. Howard is done, and TJES is on all the time, along with others, but if TJES is your style of radio, you’re in luck – because he, Tully, and Rawdog are the best at that kind of radio. He doesn’t want to compete with Howard, he can’t compete with Howard. Howard created the game. But he thinks he should be on a channel next to his to make it easier for the tard fans. Even if he did want to compete with Howard, how can he compete with someone who isn’t even in the ring, he’s just never there.

No more X-Games talk. It’s over. We’re done. I hope.

Tully’s going to break down and call the dick doctor today. His weekend was pretty crazy too, just maybe not as crazy as his dick. More X-Games talk with tons of names of people that do stuff and don’t do stuff. I’m X-Games’ed out so the only thing I’m willing to talk about is the chick that started celebrating early and then ate shit. Hasn’t everyone learned by now that you jinx the shit out of yourself with celebrating early? You know that poor girl is probably still crying the sweetest tasting tears ever. Ellis went out with Tony Hawk last night and Tony did a little interview for Ellistronics TV, he told a personal story that he’s never told anyone before – just for Ellis and the fans. Ellis says more people are telling him that he sounds way more American than Australian nowadays. Which makes sense, and you can hear it if you go back to old shows from the past, such as what you might find on Channel 713! What a beautiful segway, right? In baseball news, A-Rod will be suspended through at least the 2014 season for performance enhancing drugs. But I ran out of fucks to give for baseball too so you’re just gonna have to deal with that.

In McDonald’s news, Ronald can keep his god damned fries.

MMA news, UFC 163 was over the weekend and the Korean Zombie got TKO’d. Again. This time it was Jose Aldo’s turn to beat the Korean Zombie. Phil Davis beat Lyoto Machida by unanimous decision. In Dingo news, he’s not on the show today because he’s in the X-Games party zone, or was. He hasn’t even texted anyone back so his mom called him from the show to make sure he was alright and didn’t drink and smoke too much at those crazy X-Games. In crazy fucker news, some crazy fucker tried to take out a bunch of people on the Venice Beach Boardwalk with his car, he ended up hitting 11 people and killing 1 tourist who was on their honeymoon and scared the ever loving fuck out of everyone else. In Aussie news, Daniel Johns of Silverchair fame made some sort of appearance some place, by himself, and the world was none the wiser. Remember the Australian guy that was steering his car with a pair of vice grips? Yeah, that one. He also had 2 blown out tires. Angry Anderson of Rose Tattoo fame is apparently racist as fuck. He was in some documentary called “Go Back To Where You Came From.” In metal as fuck news, James Hetfield turned 50 on Saturday. Rob Zombie wants noisy kids to quiet down, dag nabbit! Also, you should probably get off both of their lawns. In people with tails news, Ke$ha said she was born with a little stubby tail, but had it snipped off when she was just a baby. Some Indian boy has like a 7 incher of a tail on his back is being worshiped as a god, a god of hideous birth defects.

Blunts? Johnny loves blunts. Tully? Not so much.

Rawdog talked about a video he found on his Facebook of some stupid vegan dude that’s stupid as shit, so fuck that stupid guy and let’s hear some Doing Stuff With Tully. First up, making a campfire. Tully says he’d surround the pit with rocks, find a bunch of dried leaves and paper and bunch of little sticks to start his campfire. So it has been said, and so it shall be done. How would Tully kill Will? One, he doesn’t have a motive so he thinks he’d try to find a window where he has a bunch of alibis and then try to poison as much of Will’s stuff as he could. If he had to shoot him, he’d try to find his house and shoot him in his bed with a pistol and a silencer. Then, how to launch a boat into the water. Tully would get it as close to the water as possible, make sure it was tied on so it didn’t float away, and then from there, he’s pretty lost. How would he unclog a kitchen sink drain? Use a half bottle of Drano, and if that didn’t work, call someone. What about wires hanging from a wall and turning it into an outlet? He’d make sure it was daytime, make sure the power was off by turning off every electrical breaker in his house. Then he’d Google it and ask the guy at Home Depot what to do next. How do you roll a blunt? Get the cigar, cut it open, get the tobacco out, load it up with weed, fold the sides over and blow that motherfucker. The raccoon in the house incident? Going by what he heard from a buddy, he’d go back to bed and hope they left. But, if he can’t call animal control and has to deal with it, he’d wait until it was asleep and beat the raccoon with a baseball bat. How about fixing a carburetor? He has no idea and isn’t even sure what it looks like. How about putting a chain back on a bike? He’d place the chain back on the sprocket and spin the wheel until each cog slips into it’s place. How would he commit suicide but make sure it made national headlines? First, he said he’d go to the Today Show with a bunch of bags of confetti inside his coat, underwear, pants, etc. As much confetti as he could pack onto his body and then explode himself. After more discussion, he changed his answer, but between Rawdog calling me mike_in_canada and me driving home, unable to take notes, I forgot what it was. There were a few more questions that Tully tried to answer, but the real thing to take from this is that, as smart as Tully is, there is plenty he admittedly can’t do. One thing he definitely can do though is, fuck your wife and fuck your mother. That much is clear.

Kiss me like one of your French babies.

In Russian news, the Bloodhound Gang recently performed in the Ukraine. One of the guys stuck the Russian flag down his pants and pulled it out the back and the BAM! They got assaulted and deported. Comedy Central hasn’t aired the James Franco Roast yet, but they did air a commercial for it where he gets fake punched in the face in slow-motion, not entirely unlike the video Ellis did. Roger Waters is being called antisemitic because he’s a big supporter of Palestine and had floated a giant pig with a star of David or some shit on it at a concert. Who cares besides self righteous pricks that feel their more entitled to be dicks than anyone else. Russel Brand was performing some comedy and talking about Katy Perry and how sometimes he’d think about other people before pulling out and jizzing on her tits. No! Really? The Smurfs suck, pretty much everything is better than The Smurfs. Voltron was cool as fuck, and that’s all you really need to know about Voltron. Which reminds me, a plane is dropping out of the sky like a stone, the pilot has given up hope, and the passengers are making their peace with the world and preparing themselves for certain death. At the end of the plane a stewardess stands up and shouts “Fuck this, if I’m going to die I want to go out having a good time. Before we die is there anyone on this plane that can make me feel like a woman one last time?” Near the back of the plane a tall, swarthy olive-skinned man stands up. Handsome, muscular and powerful. He strides down the aisle, sure-footed and graceful in spite of the plane’s bucking. The passengers fall silent as he passes. Walking slowly, he removes his jacket, then gently slips off his shirt to reveal broad shoulders and six-pack abs. As he nears the quivering stewardess, he stops, extends one confident hand to her, and in a gravelly bass voice whispers, “… here, iron this.” OH!

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison. That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means. Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show. Fuck oath mate! Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge. Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right! Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more. Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend. Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff! Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron. I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

Bet he would have said yes to this….

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole. Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out! Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back. People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH! Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too! That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine? Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default. Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms! Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe. What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street? Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right? Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency. Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius. Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out. Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit! Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary. Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place. First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and EllisTullyEllis no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully. Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds. Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds! If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious! Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’. Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High. Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’. Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory! So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do? Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit! Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug. But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo! So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine. Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ! Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it. The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah! And this is the most racist commercial everkinda stupid! Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old. Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit! And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names. I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any. Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really. One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Today’s Valentines Day Show recap is for the ladies, so Happy VD from Ghostload ladies! Oh, and now a Happy VD to the fellas too, #FullHomo. Speaking of Full Homo, Tully took Linsanity to some museum and Ellis is working super dad hard on new approaches to his kids. All sounding good to me, and to Ellis too who gave himself some more HTFU advice and is rolling on, Brother! Ellis really does believe the show will have a REAL producer soon, and that THC should call him every night and threatening him. Sounds kinda cool, but not as cool as Chad Reed Day a week from 22-morrow. Doing Stuff With Rawdog with a VD twist, how do you propose to your hopeful wife to be, tonight? Now we all know that you gotta hear Rawdog to understand him, but basically you need a boat small yacht, a life guard on stand by, a walkie talkie, and you better prey its not cloudy tonight. Or you could just bring your own Minora to dinner and do it over candleslight. For real for real, he’d just have the Domino’s dude bring it in a box of those tasty fucking chocolate dunkers they got. Tully threw in his 2 cents, just do it like a magician, except the ring is the quarter……..and her ear is her pussy!

I Love You Too!

So this gay dude said he ain’t got the gay no more on account that he was saved by Jesus, at a bar, but turns out he still kinda got a little gay still. Fuck Yeah – Ellis got the new punching machine and it is time to try it out. Some callers got to take bets on who would beat who, but only the upsets of course and for cash n prizes. Basically each took someone against Ellis, but if they lost…well we can get to that later. For those playing at home Tully lays the odds as (From 1st to last) Ellis, Jizz Cult, himself and Cumtard even, and Rawdog last. He’s from Oxford, so lets go with that and see what happens. 3 punches each and use only your highest single score. Oh and Ellis’s little girl got a 55 on this thing, which I think scores from 0-100. Cumtard up first with some Street Fighter shit, and topped out at only a 40! Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult got a 50. Super Dad up next and Tully got a respectable 60 to at least beat Snookie. Rawdog banged out a 46 which was pretty good considering. The intern snuck in to grab a 54, almost buddy! How about Ellismate, a 58 – no shit Tully knocked out Ellis, on radio. That or this machine ain’t the accurate, maybe but unlikely I think! Oh yeah, a few dudes got to the Prize Chamber, but on Ellismania.com coming soon….dude licking his dog’s ass….dude to fart on his girlfriend…..and look for Robert who has to smoke a microwaved load joint – yup!

Now this dude is ready to play Dick Baseball

Britney Markham is in the house you bitches. Transsexual porn star, bitch, and she fought in a prior Ellis Mania event bitch, she’s the bitch who puked in the bucket in the ring, Red Dragons bitches! Allegedly some of that vomit got on Carmen Electra, who was in the front row bitch, and she ain’t been back since bitch. Ok I’m done with the bitch thing, but you get the idea she’s expressive! What’s Britney got going on? Just got back from Columbia where she got some ass injections, oh and she’s got a book like sometime this year. She’s got a charity going on, The Britney Markham Foundation. She pissed into a glass on the limo ride to TJES, had and has ball cancer, and may be a little racist. So what do we do with a tranny of this caliber, play a game – Dick Baseball. Yeah, they did. 4 boxes set up, each further away in distance. The farther away the more points and the higher the prize, for the caller. Oh but there’s a twist my friends, the caller can trade their prize for Cumtard being shock collared and having to catch the balls in his mouth, from the trannies dick. Ready – Play Ball! Yeah so baseball is a bit boring, how about it was kinda cool, one dude got a sticker, and pretty quickly it was just Cumtard trying to catch ping pong balls while Tully n Josh took turns pitching to the tranny batter with a huge stick. Fucking hilarity if you can go back, or catch it on a best of I’m sure. Cumtard only got the balls on his chin and nose, but never into his mouth, and he got the shit shocked out of him.

Best I Could Find On ‘Shitting Metal’

Some dude bought some bread with shards of glass in it, and we all know that Shitting Glass Is Metal!!!! So Britney has this friend with her, Paula, who’s telling us all about this bad ass new workout called SeXercise. She took a moment to show Rawdog the ‘Vine’, where your chic is on the floor doggy, you come in from above and behind, and she wraps a leg around you and resembles a vine = Fucking Genius! Just one bit of advice I took from the show today, while you do wanna tell your lady about this, please wait til tomorrow dumb ass. Curious about the Britney Markham diet? McDonald’s, Xanax, Shit, Anal Douche and repeat. You Sir Lady Are A Moron. You know the game, and hopefully you heard it cause my weed dealer stopped by and I had to pause that shit, and you know the fucking Sirius App sucks balls so I finally tune back in to hear the age old question of life – Would you rather live in 40 or 100 degree weather year round? Answer: “No One’s Titties Are Out When It’s 40 Degrees Dude” -Jason Ellis. Let’s see, cursive is gay, porn is worse than violence for your kids, Britney can shoot a 12 foot load and obviously give herself a facial, Sear’s beats National Geo for spank material. Then shit got heavy, would and how often would you blow yourself if you could? Britney can, bitches! Ellis verse Tully on this one with Rawdog deep in thought and all we got out of it was a sweet button from Will – Yeah Will! Stamp Collecting and Dungeons and Dragons are equally gay, but one could lead to a fortune so fuck off. And Corey Taylor has a book out about possessions n his life n stuff, fucking cool right. Before Britney could leave she had to do one last thing, punch the machine. She got a 46 which tied Rawdog and that just pissed her off to no end, so good luck with that bitches.

What I’ll Be Doing To Your Grandmama’s Box Later Tonight!

Hollywood News be Ballin’! Yeah Jim Jones got arrested for Ballin’ to muthafucking hard, and another time for having snow on his side walk, really. By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the former no legged Olympian dude that shot his girlfriend, if not here. Chubby Checker is suing HP over some app that determines your dick size from your show size. My gut says the majority of you searched for the app rather than reading the story, and if you did read it, it was only to hear more about the app. Why is Drew Barrymore removing her tattoos – cause she was to be buried in a jew box n live happily ever after in jewternity. Nicki Minaj sucks. Ke$ha is fucking hot and apparently this documentary of her says she’s just like ol’ Uncle Ellismate boys n girls. Well with the piss drinking and shark stuff, fucking Ellis Bob’s your uncle! James Franco will be unveiling Gay Town at some art festival. Death! Death! Die! have announced no plans of such said song, yet. Lady Gaga cancelled her tour cause she tour her labrum, fucking pussy I may have broken my thumb and I ain’t let the fans down on a gnarly TJES recap, bitches Ballin’! MMA News about NY almost getting their shit together – STD News about whats in store for later tonight. Some lady called in, I think she was trying to get Ellis to bang her and her husband. Oh, and Rawdog reviewed some art or some shit. Not really sure cause I couldn’t wait to break out today’s score and kinda don’t remember much. All I know, by the time I post this I will be ‘Vining’ your grandma if the bitch can lift her leg that high – Happy VD grandma, OH!