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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Anniversary

I've been so busy lately that I missed a milestone a few days ago. It's been a year since Roo's adoption was finalized! How cool is that? I thought about it last month on National Adoption Day because I know a couple who finalized their son's adoption that day (Hi, Mary!). I don't remember if I wrote a lot about Roo's finalization last year and I'm too lazy to check my own archives.

But even if I did do a decent write-up, I feel like reminiscing a bit. Finalization was sort of strange for me - I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. As far as I was concerned, things were a done deal at placement. Once I signed the paperwork, she was theirs. I had a hard time committing to an emotion about things being 100% legally official.

I thought it would be harder. I expected that I'd cry, or that I'd be a little sad at least. I didn't really feel anything, and that concerned me. I knew the court date but not the exact time. Sometime in the early afternoon it occurred to me that it must have been over already. I still didn't feel anything. I suppose there was an underlying sort of sadness, but that was more of an everyday sort of thing.

Then I got the e-mail. P and M sent me two pictures that had been taken in the courtroom. When I saw the pictures, I felt my first real, tangible emotion of the day, and it wasn't one I'd been expecting: joy. I have never seen two people look happier than P and M did in the pictures. Their happiness was contagious. It did me so much good to see how happy they were with their little family - with Roo.

The sealing day was a horse of a different color. It wasn't what I expected. I don't know why I thought anything on earth might go the way I expected, since nothing ever has. I'm not sure what I expected, actually. Not the overwhelming sadness, that's for sure. I'm not going to lie; it was pretty rough.

Then came Roo's blessing day - joy again! It gave me the peace I'd missed the day before. It's hard to believe it's been a year since that day. A year! How did that happen? How did Roo get so big all of a sudden? I'll never know. I do know that one year later, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Placing Roo was the best decision I have ever made. I don't regret it for a second. She is the cutest, smartest, happiest, most wonderful little person in the world. I love her more than I can ever say. I am so very glad I placed her with P and M.

3 comments:

So nice that you have such positive memories of such a great anniversary. Adoption laws and processess are different all over as you know, I had to go to court to officially terminate my rights, it was bad. The judge almost didn't allow me to terminate because I was such an emotional wreck and he didn't think I really wanted to place my daugther. That is an anniversary I don't like to remember.

Me Me Me

My name is Jill. I had a baby girl, Roo, on July 7th, 2009. I handed her to her mommy and daddy on September 9th, 9 weeks later.
This blog is my attempt to make sense of things and it is my hope that when Roo is older, she'll read it, and maybe she'll understand.