News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Holsworthy may have a reputation as the greatest town on gods green earth, but as of late there has been an ever increasing problem plaguing our beloved town. It is a problem that is hard to ignore, and even harder to understand.

To the casual observer Holsworthy appears to be a clean, fun loving place to visit. However scratch just below the surface and you will notice a marked increase in the amount of dog shit that has been left out in the open for all to see and step in. Yes you read that correctly. People in this day and age are letting their pooches ‘turn one out’ on the pavements, and then walking away without picking it up.

Hard to believe I know, but these ignorant fu*ktards are actually standing there whilst their beloved mongrels drop a turd, and they are then looking at it and thinking “meh, not my problem” and happily skipping away, the lazy wankers. Whilst ‘Rover’ their pampered pooch is just thinking “My owner really is a twat. Surely they can see that I’ve just curled one on the sidewalk?… ohh look a trouser leg to sniff”

Recently there have been reports of brown bombs laid by the old factory shop, opposite the theatre and outside Woolacotts.

Here’s a picture of the offending shit outside Woolacotts

The Holsworthy mafia spoke with one disgusted pedestrian, who wished to remain anonymous (so we will call him Connor McGregor for our purposes). Connor had this to say :-

“Whoever let their dog do this outside Woolacotts ur a total scumbag”

His statement was short and to the point, but we think it sums up the situation perfectly.

The Holsworthy mafia also reached out to a responsible dog owner called ‘William Stroker’ to ask his thoughts on the trespassing turds that are appearing around town. William had this to say :-

“What the actual fu*k ! I mean seriously? It’s 2019 and mega twats are still letting their dogs shit, and not picking it up? Well blow me over with a feather. I thought people knew that doing that makes you a complete and utter prick. I walk my dog ‘Daphne’ around town all the time, and when she needs to have a fecal free for all, I just wait around for her to finish and then pick it up like any sane, normal person would do. It’s people like this who give us responsible owners a bad name. I am Fumin”

As of yet no one has had the balls to come forward and say “Yep it was me, I apologise. I wont let it happen again”

The Holsworthy Mafia WILL be updating this article, because if we get sent photos/video of anyone letting their dog shit, and then walking of without clearing it up, we’re going to upload them to our website.