The Political Solar System

Forget the Hillary New York Times Magazine cover.

The New York Times Magazine isn’t the only news outlet who can rip off Georges Méliès to satirize politicians. Here are the planets the Slate staff thinks best align with the various gaseous bodies that constitute American politics.

The sun: Barack Obama, whose sheer political mass will dictate the orbit of his political peers ... until 2016.

Mercury: Paul Ryan—like the patron god of financial gain, he’s fleet-footed (thanks, P90X!) and a bit of an errand boy for the GOP.