This post is by someone on Fetlife who did not wish to be credited. It addresses the oft-repeated phrase, ‘submission is a gift,’ and introduces a different philosophy of power exchange.

Submission and dominance are not gifts. Let’s everyone GTF over ourselves.

Yes you gave me your submission and yes, you can uncollar anytime you like but let’s back up some.

I know the whole thing is more about you. Anyone who’s ever served in the military under a selfless, heroic, next-level competent commander knows what submission is and it is fucking amazing. No naughty time there but the process of surrendering your will to someone like that is powerful. A desire to do WHATEVER he says, knowing it’s almost certainly the right thing and a better course of action than anyone else would take…and knowing how his example inspires you to greater levels of performance, where now you’re all that much better with your own men….and on down to the lowest level where the whole thing he stands above operates like a perfect, fearsome machine…it’s great. Everybody knows that they’re looked over in that superior way and are part of something bigger than themselves. If you’ve ever had an experience with a leader like that, you know the joys of submission and what a great dominant acts like and can do.

But anyway…it’s not a gift.

I earned it. I sought it out. I showed you I knew what to do. Whether you were drawn to me or I was drawn to you at first, I felt out your barriers, I broke them down, I showed you I could be trusted. I showed you I could keep you in line and give you the guidance you needed and if you don’t think so, you’re free to leave.

I haven’t received every prize of submission I’ve looked for but when it is given, it’s something I’ve earned and it’s something I know I have to continue earning just like you also have to prove that you’re up to the job. It’s a bilateral arrangement and hopefully a symbiotic one. It wasn’t something you gave me for my birthday or when I was sick. It’s something you gave me after I showed you I was worthy of it.

The recent posts on this topic bother me in that way. My dominance is not a “gift,”‘ anymore than a new job would be and neither is your submission…so everybody ease up on thinking about the wonderful gifts that they are.

We connected. Hopefully it’s a powerful connection that we’ll both get great joy from and some badass kinky sex out of but I’m looking to think more of how I can perform better and less about how wonderfully lucky you are to have me and I expect the same in return.