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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bad Handbag Day - Short Film Script

Bad Handbag Day

By

John Parker

1. Int. Kitchen. Day.

Julie and Mother drinking tea.

JulieHave you got a stamp Mum? I’ve got a Valentines card for that hunky Butcher!

MotherHere you are love. I’ve only got second class.

JulieThat’s okay. I’ll write it out later and stick it in the post. I’m a bit too embarrassed to just give it to him.Drops stamp in handbag. Mother glances at red circled day on calendar.

MotherHave you got an appointment today?

JulieSmear test. Letter’s here somewhere.

Rummages in pile of letters and bills behind the bread bin. Mother squirms uncomfortably and pulls a face.

MotherI always hated that done to you. You feel like nothing more than a piece of meat.

JulieIt can’t be that bad… can it? This is my first time and I am a little bit worried.

MotherOf course its bad. Having to flash your…’bits’ at a stranger… having cold metal thrust into you… well I can’t stand the indignity of it all. But I suppose its better than going under the knife for you know what and having you hair fall out and all that.

Julie finds letter and looks horrified.JulieOh my God, the appointment is in an hour. Sorry Mum but I’ll have to jump in the shower.

MotherThat’s all right love, you’d better get yourself sorted: and don’t worry it’ll be alright. I’ll see myself out… Oh are your Dad and I still coming for tea tonight.

JulieOh yeh.. its sausage and mash…excuse for me to see the butcher!!

CUT TO:

2. Ext. Front door. Day

Julie rushes out of house and slams door. Cut to shot of her running down the road/drive with skirt tucked in knickers.

3. Ext. On high Street outside Butchers. Day

Julie is bustling down the street but stops just short of the Butchers. She can see the hunky Butcher inside and she roots in her bag for her mirror. As she looks in mirror to check hair and lippy, the second class stamp is stuck to the middle of the mirror. She brushes it off back into the bag, puts the mirror back and walks seductively into the shop.

4. Int. Butchers shop. Day.

Julie approaches counter. Hunky Butcher walks into shop with meat carcass and throws it onto the block. He reaches to a line of knives and cleavers and picks up a large cleaver, raises it above his head for a mighty blow then notices Julie. Smiles, puts the cleaver down, approaches counter and asks provocatively…

ButcherWhat can I do for you?

JuliePound of sausages please.

Butcher weighs and wraps sausages while eyeing Julie’s legs and spotting skirt still in knickers. Takes money and asks…ButcherIn a rush today are we?

JulieI am actually – running a bit late for my… er my er… appointment. How did you know I was in a rush?

Butcher looks down at Julie’s legs and leers at bare arse. Julie lets out embarrassed exclamation, pulls skirt down and runs out of shop. Butcher still holding sausages.

ButcherOi… you forgot your sausages.CUT TO:

5. Ext. Clinic doorway. Day.

Julie rushes through doorway. Clinic sign on wall.CUT TO:

6. Int. Clinic. Day.

View of door with Ladies Toilet sign. Julie goes into toilet. Cut to head and shoulders of her sitting – sound effects! Cut to view of empty toilet roll.(CONTINUED)6. CONTINUED:JulieJust my luck!

Roots in handbag. Cut to internal shot of handbag full of stuff. Pulls out all manner of objects, eventually finds crumpled Christmas napkin and makes use of it! Sound of Julie’s name being called outside. Flushes toilet and runs out stuffing things back in handbag, dropping a few things and stooping to pick them up. Checks knickers not tucked in again.

7.Int. Consulting Room. Day.

Julie barges through the door, sees Doctor in white coat and has flashback to Butcher in white coat covered in blood.DoctorIf you would like to undress behind the curtain and put on the gown. Call me when you are ready.

Julie pulls back curtain to reveal table. Flashback to meat being thrown onto Butcher’s block. She shivers. She undresses, gets on table wearing gown. Looks across to see line of instruments on table. Flashback to line of knives and cleavers in Butcher’s. Calls ok to doctor in half choked way.

DoctorIf you would like to open wide this won’t take long.

Doctor sits between legs – only see her feet – and lets out an exclamation. Reaches out to table and picks up forceps then bends down between legs.

DoctorWhat have we got here then?

Places something in kidney bowl with forceps. Then picks up metal speculum. Julie has flashback of Butcher whacking carcass between legs with cleaver and appears to swoon.

DoctorAll done now. Wasn’t as bad as you thought eh? You can get dressed.

Julie dresses in a daze and is just about to leave when she turns to see what the doctor put in the kidney bowl. To her horror it is the second class stamp. Appears to fill-up and rushes out of door.

9. Ext. High Street. Day

Julie is just about to walk hurriedly past the Butcher’s when hunky Butcher sees her coming and dashes out of shop and stops her in her tracks.

ButcherHow was the appointment then.

JulieI don’t want to talk about it. (Huffily)

Butcher pulls packet of sausages from behind his back and hands them to her.(CONTINUED)9. CONTINUED:

ButcherPerhaps a nice sausage would cheer you up. (Winks)

JulieDon’t be so cheeky.

Grabs sausages and storms off.

10. Int. Kitchen. Night

Julie crying and peeling spuds then moodily slams pan of spuds onto cooker. Pulls out grill pan with a clatter and get sausages from fridge. Unwraps package to find hunky Butcher’s phone number written on inside of wrapping. Julie smiles, blows nose on tea towel, then picks up phone.