Share

Something is rotten at Dalton. This year for the first time in memory, not a single student at the prep school is going to Harvard. One student did not get into even Duke! And reportedly the school encouraged one student to go apply at — and do not read on if you are faint of heart, okay? — Syracuse. TRUE STORY.

And it's not just Dalton.

“Most people I know are not going to their first-choice schools,” says one Horace Mann grad who was admitted to Cornell University only as a guaranteed transfer sophomore year, and will attend Syracuse in the fall. “A lot of my friends who expected Ivies are ending up at Tulane and Vanderbilt instead.”

Tulane! Vanderbilt! They might as well go to the University of My Balls, out in the Ozarks! And to think: Little Lukasz Zbylut, son of Polish immigrants, got into practically all the Ivies and is going to Harvard in the fall. How is that possible?

"The Ivies are reaching out for a diverse economic background—even home-schooled students are becoming more of a thing,” says one guidance counselor at a private school in Manhattan. "The Ivies are still good to legacies [children of alumni] if their alums have been good to them. But it’s getting harder for private school students because it’s getting fairer for the rest of the world."

Outrage! Commie bastards! So what are private schools even for if not for giving overprivileged and unintelligent children a leg up on gifted Polish nerds? Has the affirmative-action program* in which the rich have long partaken run its course?

Not totally.

Another frustrated parent says she “had to use personal connections” to get her Dalton-educated daughter … into Johns Hopkins this fall.

Yeah. The Zybluts of the world can take away some of the rich's advantages, but they will not take away their freedom to network!