AND THEIR BOOTS FULL OF SAND, PRESUMABLY: “Those last American troops will move south on desert sands, and then they will cross the border out of Iraq with their heads held high.”

THAT’S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT: “[O]ur efforts in Iraq have taken many twists and turns.”

IT’S NOT? “Now, Iraq is not a perfect place. It has many challenges ahead.”

YES, THEY CALLED HIM THE STREAK: “We remember the early days -- the American units that streaked across the sands and skies of Iraq”.

WORST PORNO EVER: “We remember the grind of the insurgency”.

He gave a potted history of the Iraq War that in no way deviates from the Bush narrative: Al Qaida fanning the flames of sectarianism, the surge, the “Awakening,” all saved by the bravery and derring-do of American soldiers.

HE’S ALWAYS SO CONCERNED THAT WE’RE GOING TO MAKE A MISTAKE: “And make no mistake -- as we go forward as a nation, we are going to keep America’s armed forces the strongest fighting force the world has ever seen.” And they’ve seen it a lot.

SEXYTIME: “But our commitment doesn’t end when you take off the uniform.”

MORE SEXYTIME: “For all of the challenges that our nation faces, you remind us that there’s nothing we Americans can’t do when we stick together.” AUDIENCE: Hooah!

He calls the assembled soldiery “The 9/11 Generation.” Sigh.

WOW, WE ARE SO FUCKING UNSELFISH IT’S BEYOND BELIEF: “That’s part of what makes us special as Americans. Unlike the old empires, we don’t make these sacrifices for territory or for resources. We do it because it’s right. There can be no fuller expression of America’s support for self-determination than our leaving Iraq to its people. That says something about who we are.” It says something alright.

BARRY, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KEEP DANCING ON HIS GRAVE IF YOU HADN’T HAD HIM DUMPED IN THE OCEAN: “Osama bin Laden will never again walk the face of this Earth.”

WHAT ABOUT THE SOLDIERS WHO KILLED ALL THOSE INDIANS, WEREN’T THEY PART OF THE “UNBROKEN LINE”? “Never forget that you are part of an unbroken line of heroes spanning two centuries -- from the colonists who overthrew an empire, to your grandparents and parents who faced down fascism and communism, to you -- men and women who fought for the same principles in Fallujah and Kandahar, and delivered justice to those who attacked us on 9/11.”