Brandon Bess

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Over 400 cricketers are stuck on one Test cap, here is an XI of these unlucky fellows – some of whom did better than others...

Rodney Redmond New Zealand v Pakistan 1973

Redmond arguably had the best debut of any in the one cap club cracking 107 and 56 against Pakistan in Christchurch and consequently winning a place on the tour to England the following summer. Unfortunately for Redmond he didn’t take too well to his new contact lenses, struggled for runs and failed to play in any of the Tests. And that was that. At least son Aaron has fared a little better having played seven Tests to date.

Andy Lloyd England v West Indies 1984

Lloyd had the misfortune to make his debut against the fearsome West Indies attack of 1984. Half-an-hour into his first innings, he ducked into a bouncer from Malcolm Marshall and was rushed off to hospital, suffering from double vision. There he remained for the rest of the match, and he did not play again that season. England were famously blackwashed whereas Lloyd was left with the dubious honour of being the only player to open in a Test and never be out.

Andrew Ganteaume West Indies v England 1948

Wicketkeeper-batsman Ganteaume topped Don Bradman’s immortal average of 99.94 having scored 112 in his only Test innings. Thanks to the West Indies endless supply of great batsmen at the time and the fact that it was felt that he have slowed down to much when nearing his hundred (thus preventing a West Indian win), Ganteaume was never to get to the crease in a Test again.

Roy Park Australia v England 1920-21

It wasn’t the fact that Dr Park was bowled first ball in his only innings that earns him a place in this XI, nor that he hadn’t slept the night before on account of supervising a complicated birth but the legend of how his wife watching proudly in the crowd missed her husband’s entire Test career by bending down to pick up her knitting at just the wrong moment.

Stuart Law Australia v Sri Lanka 1995

Law stroked an effortless unbeaten 54 in place of the injured Steve Waugh, but his face didn’t fit and he had to be content with one-day international cricket and compiling over 27,000 first-class runs at an average of over 50. If he had been English, Law would probably have played at least 50 Tests.

Gavin Hamilton England v South Africa 1999

Having starred for Scotland during the 1999 World Cup, Hamilton was a surprise pick for the following winter’s tour to South Africa. He made his debut in the 1st Test at Johannesburg (Duncan Fletcher’s first game as coach), bagged a pair, didn’t take a wicket and was unceremoniously dumped. Hamilton then had to wait a further four years to requalify for Scotland who he captained from 2009. Alex Ferguson doubtless wasn’t amused.

Zulqarnain Haider Pakistan v England 2010

After Pakistan finally lost patience with the error prone Kamran Akmal, Haider was given the gloves at Edgbaston where he responded to a first ball duck with a courageous second innings 88. Unfortunately, a broken finger (allegedly caused by Stuart Broad petulantly throwing the ball at him) ruled him out of the rest of the series. Then he famously absconded from the team hotel in Dubai during a series with South Africa claiming he had received death threats and been kidnapped by aliens (ok we made that bit up). He fled to England but has now returned to Pakistan so may still have a chance of exiting the one cap wonder club.

Darren Pattinson England v South Africa 2008

A hark back to the selection faux pas of the 1980s and 90s saw an Australian with only six first-class games in England under his belt plucked from nowhere to face South Africa at Headingley. "Surely the Poms have got better bowlers than Patto?" said a bemused club mate at Dandenong, his Melbourne club. Younger brother James has made a much better fist of Test cricket.

Fred Tate England v Australia 1902

Tate made such a mark in his only Test that the game will forever be known as ‘Tate’s Match’. Unfortunately, it was for all the wrong reasons. England lost a close game and Tate took the blame after crucially dropping a skier off Australian captain Joe Darling and then being last man out clean bowled with England just four runs short of victory. Son Maurice restored honour for the family taking 155 wickets in his 39 Tests – 38 of them in the 1924/25 Ashes down under.

Charles Marriott England v West Indies 1933

Marriott has the best bowling return of any in the one cap club taking 11 for 96 and bamboozling the West Indies with his googly at The Oval in 1933. He was 38 when he played his solitary Test and he only played cricket part-time on account of his profession as a teacher at Dulwich College. He did tour India the following winter, but couldn’t force his way into the side ahead of the legendary Hedley Verity.

Pud Thurlow Australia v South Africa 1932

The fast bowler had a pretty disastrous debut taking no wickets with the ball and then failing to make his ground as number 11 when called for a quick single by Don Bradman leaving the latter stranded on 299 not out. It was hardly surprising therefore that Thurlow didn’t get to don the baggy green again.

12th man: Brandon Bess West Indies v South Africa 2010

A team like this needs a 12th man and who better than the hitherto unknown Brandon Bess who came in as a last minute replacement for Nelon Pascal at Bridgetown in 2010? A first-class bowling average of 50 didn’t bode well and so it turned out with Bess taking 1 from 92 from his 13 overs.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

After picking our best Test XI of 2010, we thought it might be fun to look at who was top of the flops, so here in all their glory (or should that be failure?), is our worst Test XI of the year:

1. Imran Farhat (383 runs at 23.93) - Two fifties in 16 innings is pitiful for a test match opening batsman and from what we saw of him in the summer in England, a test match opener is not something Farhat should be for much longer.

2. Imrul Kayes (292 runs at 20.85) - Not very good - make that clueless - against the short ball, which let's be honest is a prerequisite for a test match opener. When you consider that 2010 was actually Kayes' best year in test cricket, it tells you everything you need to know about his 'ability'.

3. BJ Watling (125 runs at 17.85) - As a test match top order batsman, BJ sucks (sorry, we couldn't resist that one). The worst of a series of mediocre cricketers to have worn the Black Cap in 2010.

4. Ricky Ponting (813 runs at 36.95) - Poor stats by his standards, but hardly disastrous until you take away his 209 at Hobart which leaves 604 runs at 28.76. Surrendered the Ashes and his dignity in an ugly spat with the umpires at what could prove to be his final test in Melbourne. Naturally, Punter captains this side of flops and miscreants.

5. Yuvraj Singh (94 runs at 23.50) - 2010 was an annus horribilis for the portly Yuvraj: out of runs and out of favour in the IPL, part of India's disastrous World T20 campaign and ejected from India's test side due to poor form and fitness before enduring chants of 'water boy' when performing 12th man duties. He did eat a lot of pies though.

6. Umar Akmal (365 runs at 24.33) - Why have one Akmal in your team, when you can have two? Started off the year, with many predicting big things for the youngest Akmal brother and ended it being best known for his green lipstick. May bounce back once he realises that Test cricket is not T20 and requires innings to be built.

7. Kamran Akmal (123 runs at 10.25; 27 catches) - Absolutely dreadful with bat and gloves. Started the year by serially dropping Mike Hussey at Sydney and then put in an even worse performance at Trent Bridge. By the time his replacement Zulqarnain Haider went AWOL, Pakistan still preferred either of his brothers behind the stumps to the butter fingered Kamran.

8. Xavier Doherty (3 wickets at 102) - Inexplicably plucked from obscurity by Australia's confused selectors and promptly sent back to whence he came after two dreadful performances - and with a first-class average of over 50, it was hardly a surprise. So bad that he makes the team ahead of Paul Harris.

9. Ben Hilfenhaus (18 wickets at 41.38) - Hilfenhaus actually looked Australia's best bowler in the two match series in India, but he has flopped badly in the Ashes with only four wickets at 73 apiece and has lacked any sort of variation. Actually makes the side because we had predicted he would be the leading wicket taker in the Ashes series. Whoops!

10. Rubel Hossain (9 wickets at 90.55) - Even by the standards of Bangladesh's powder-puff attack, Rubel was particularly inept and he conceded nearly five runs an over to boot in his six tests in 2010.

11. Brandon Bess (1 wicket at 92.00) - Made Australia's selection of Xavier Doherty look inspired. Bess was called-up as a late injury replacement against South Africa at Bridgetown and promptly bowled 13 overs for 92 runs with just the solitary wicket of Paul Harris - which somehow seems rather apt.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

What with the World Cup, Nat West Series and Wimbledon, we've only paid a cursory interest in the West Indies versus South Africa test series, which finished earlier this week with a two-nil victory for Graeme Smith's men.

From the little we did see and from the reports we've read, it doesn't seem we missed much other than some pretty attritional cricket on poor wickets from two dour sides. South Africa continued to exert their usual overpowering dominance on a West Indies side that seems to be spiralling even further into mediocrity and despair.

As such we initially missed that fast bowler Brandon Bess made his debut for West Indies in the final test at Bridgetown. Had the West Indies discovered another brilliant quick off a production line that stretches back to Hall and Griffith, rose to its zenith in the halcyon days of Marshall, Holding, Garner, Roberts et al through to Walsh and Ambrose, and now to the good but not great Roach and Edwards?

We went to the Cricinfo player profile to find out.

We were surprised to say the least to see that in 19 First Class games, Bess had only taken 31 wickets at an exorbitant average of 50.19. Has a bowler ever made his test debut with a higher first class average? It would be like giving Chris Martin or Monty Panesar a role as an opening batsman. We see that Bess was called up as a last minute replacement after Nelon Pascal was injured. Presumably, there was no-one better in the crowd, which seems surprising.

Unsurprisingly then things didn't go well. In his debut test, Bess took one wicket (nightwatchman Paul Harris) for 92 in thirteen very expensive overs. Given the slow scoring rate throughout the match this is outlandishly bad. West Indies cricket may be in a dire state, but we confidently predict that Bess will join the ranks of the one cap test wonders.

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