two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

donor talk January 7, 2008

There is, mercifully, not a lot of donor talk going on these days. Who would be the half of the genes I could not provide was a consuming and painful topic for so many years for us. I know it will rear its ugly head someday, maybe soon. There are so many effing people involved in the genetics of our family. But for now, all is quiet in spermland.

When I read back over my old posts about the donor topic, it is hard to remember how painful and upsetting the whole sperm decision was for us. Jesus.h., and then there was the whole switch back to me debacle involving S’s brother, Uncle D and his wife, Aunt NoMoreSpermForYou, telling us sorry, no more sperm for you. Those switches were agonizing for us. Torture. I am thinking about this after reading Chicory’s post about possibly switching to Klove after unsuccessfully trying for two years. Those were some of our worst times. Making decisions about who gets to be pregnant, who can be pregnant, and the reality of how our financial situation effects our choices. Those days were devastating. Someone getting and someone not getting.

If RM and Complicated Mama had not kicked down the sperm, for an entire year, there is no way S would be pregnant right now. We would have switched to me with frozen, hoping desperately the whole time that Uncle D and Aunt NoMoreSpermForYou whould change their minds. But they wouldn’t have. So it would be me, and S would be watching me complain and lug myself up stairs with my giant belly.

When I think about the details of the genetics, it is a little freaky. Our children will be genetic cousins. How WT is that? And this girl (we are currently calling her Pip) will technically have a genetic relationship to RM and Complicated Mama’s kids, even if we don’t talk about it or call them 1/2 siblings. Sometimes I think we are all afraid that Pip will come out looking exactly like RM, but he’s good looking, so that’s some consolation. It is a surprising and unforeseen blessing that people already think that Smarty looks exactly like Legoboy’s brother (Legoboy is RM and CM’s 6yr old son).

My MIL is the only person whose interest in our donor makes me uncomfortable. More on that later, but boy is she a piece of work.

More than I anticipated, the baby feels like mine. Mine mine mine. And thankfully RM and CM don’t feel any claim to Pip, although I wonder if they are ever going to feel weird about it. We asked CM if she wants to be there for the birth! She does. I think. Complicated Mama probably doesn’t feel like she can really talk about this issue on her blog though, because I read it. And I don’t talk much about it here. Interesting. But I think that is mainly because isn’t an issue. But no…certainly I would have many many details and funny stories about them. I know I could still write them, but it is really a weird situation to have our donors wife, and one of my best friends blogging with me. The whole thing is crazy. And great. Do people think this is the weirdest thing ever?

Wow, enough of my disjointed blabbering on this subject. More later because oh fuck…we have a hospital tour today and I need to get babysitting. A hospital tour. Of the labor wing. Because we are actually probably going to have a baby. I am still genuinely surprised by this. The idea of a hospital tour with other pregnant people, and cookies, feels like a weird movie thing that is happening to someone else. Please let it not be full of young, pretty, glowing 1st pregnancy straight people.

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2 Responses to “donor talk”

I believe there is research being done where gentic material from the eggs of 2 different females can be “commingled” in vitro to fertalize an egg that is, in effect, the biological child of 2 female parents. I’m sure it’s still very experimental, and would be astronomically expensive, but wouldn’t it be great if women in the future could do that? But, regardless of the genetics involved, that baby is YOURS!

So I think I’ve only lurked here before, and I’ve been slack recently and not read. But. But. But. My donor situation is the same. And it is great. And weird. And great. And I am not blogging about it either because it is a non-issue and because my donor’s wife, who is one of my best friends, reads my blog. So I feel you, as they say.