Fuck You, Mother’s Day.

I’ve got a mum and I am a mum. Which means I am going to be on the giving and receiving end during this Mother’s Day.

This week while I was at the mall (my favourite place on earth….KILL ME NOW) I was saddened at the lack of decent gifts available for purchase and kind of embarrassed to be in the mum category myself, when it’s clear marketers think we are a bunch of old grannies.

WTF is up with all the shit gifts? There was seriously not one good thing worth buying in the entire mall.

Let’s start with the sleeping attire for all that fucking sleep we are not getting.

You can count some sheep on your feral dressing gown.Or pretend you are 5 years old again and dress like your children. Notice the one on the left suggests you can stay in bed, like that will ever happen!If someone gives you this you know it’s time to take up that fabulous funeral package. FFS

Nutri Ninja’s half price. Because you’re fat.

When I start wearing that fucked up night gown I might realise it’s liquid food only from now on.

There is a brand new album release for those who need some really depressing old Carpenters songs rehashed by Dami Im.

I’ll take 5 please for all my worst enemies.

Then I spotted some home massaging devices. Because foot spas are so 1990.

If the facial sauna also does vagina steaming it might be worth it.

The Reject Shop are onto something with this erotic novel. And judging by the cover, sexy times haven’t changed much since the 1900’s.

I wore my best taffeta gown for you to roger me in David…..

Target want you to look like a Peruvian potato farmer. Which is fine fashion for digging up spuds on a mountain top. But I can’t see Peruvian Potato Chic taking off.

Hello, I’m a Peruvian potato farmer.Flying off the shelves……WTAF

Miranda Kerr wants you to buy her Royal Albert tea sets. Like this one for the bargain price of $999. But don’t worry, it’s on special for just $699. She’s definitely the people’s Supermodel that one, always right on target with her endorsements for the everyday woman. Next time you are in Melbourne Miranda, stop by for a nice cup of Dilmah, OK? Bring your own fucking tea set though because all my cups are chipped.

Can you imagine if someone dropped a cup? You owe me $50 you mofo!

What about these whimsical animal character heat packs and neck warmers? Because all mums are constantly cold and in huge amounts of pain. We need comfort from some sleepy looking woodland friends, dammit.

Or if you haven’t got enough cutesy wootsie you can get a stuffed animal heat pillow. Basically just say goodbye to your dignity forever.

What about a night at the movies? To see some of the worst actors alive and one that should know better, make a shit film with one of the most tragic mum-hair wigs I’ve ever seen.

Or 25% off cookbooks because your food sucks and you should cook more. Like the good old pipe and slipper days. Fuck You.

What about the mums out there that haven’t cut their hair into a sensible bob and don’t want to steam their vaginas? What about us shit cooks that don’t need a fucking book because take-away is so much easier. What about those of us who would rather die than dress like a Peruvian potato farmer? Or those who think it’s a bit sad and pathetic that we supposedly need a cute animal figure on our hot water bottle holder.

What century are we living in here?! Some of these things might get the older ladies off, but if I get given any one of the above I will drive myself off a fucking cliff.

I’ll tell you what mums want. NOTHING. We want a day off from being a mum. Some me time, some time to sit in silence and even do a poo in private. We don’t want anyone yelling at us, or banging down the door when we are trying to shower. We don’t want to wake up in the night for anything and we don’t want to have to cook or clean.

So while it’s all nice and sweet to say “Thank You Mum” with a fucked up dressing gown and an erotic novel on this made up holiday, we know you love us. Make us a cup of coffee in bed and then fuck the hell off for the day.

THE END

Next time there is a Hallmark Holiday that you feel obliged to buy something for, consider the Far Kew Emporium. Where the recipient will actually like what you give them.

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hahahahahah LOVE LOVE LOVE…I have bought my kids up to NOT celebrate mother or fathers day on one conveniently targetted marketing extravaganza day of the year. I always said, do things for you mum and dad when you want to…don;t get caught up in media advertising hype. LOVE this reality you have shown. Bless

Omg one of the best mothers day posts I’ve seen in ages….. Lmao and so true. Have you seen the crap they market???? I tell my kids spend their money on food make me an amazing breakfast w good coffee. Sad thing is as a chef I have taught the older one very good….

Peruvian potato farmer? Wow,that was racist and mean. What about being thankful for any gift you get because you’re living in a first world country where this is possible. Be thankful you’re NOT a mom in a very poor world country where you worry whether or not you children might have on plate of food that day. And yes, I do have a sense of humor but I don’t find this funny. Bashing actors and making discriminating comments is not funny. I say FUCK you to you!

I had my husband read this, expecting a laugh about the stuff the shops advertise for Mothers Day. Instead, he got really angry, saying the author just made every dad/child feel like an idiot for buying something on this list (or similar). Plus it covers pretty much everything except chocolates and flowers – the two things he knows I actually DON’T want. I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. He’s right! I still have the first Mother’s Day present I was given by my son almost 20 years ago – a tea towel folded in the shape of a handbag. I’ll always cherish it! My husband made me see that it’s not about “what” it’s about “who”!

Pleasant day occurring here – wrote my aged Mum a beautiful poem of thanks, whipped up a new recipe (Cheese Puffs) for her breakfast in bed, and we’ll be going out to lunch at a fave restaurant. I do agree all this commercial/retail hype is revolting and is to be ignored. If peeps took the time to think carefully, there are MANY ways to show gratitude to your Mum – I hope you receive yours … Suz

I came across this when it appeared on my Facebook news feed and after reading this I have to say you are a very sad person with your low class education with nothing but f*ck words….That is why kids these days swear all the time. You need to get a life and stop complaining. People like you have a crazy disease where they need to either post on Facebook or blog about it. There is more to life than complaining about silly stuff you cannot buy!.

Sorry you didn’t like my post Chris. I try really hard to make sure that when people visit a page called Fuck You Friday they get some nice cheery affirmations and my absolute best foot forward in terms of my low class education. I am considering getting professional help for this crazy disease of mine, but experts in this field are hard to find.
Perhaps you’ll enjoy this post better.

I do agree. Husband managed to convince kids to let me sleep in until 08.30!!! Got scrambled eggs and tea made for me by the 2 younger ones. Only 2 fights to sort out so far – so pretty good on the homefront here.

Of course it’s what you do for someone that counts, mow the lawn, clean the gutters, climb a ladder and toss the rat baits into the ceiling cavity, wash and vacuum the car, buy a load of wood and stack it, weed the garden, suppose you’ve guessed I’m in a rural area. Words are “cheap” too! It has always been – what you do for someone means so much more!!!

Yep thats whatt I had when kids were young..hubby took kids out for the day and I had a kid free day to soak in the bath..read a book..it was great and appreciated…and kids had a good time with dad!..they are now42 40 and 2 at 27….

What the hell is a vagina steamer??
Is this for real?- I stumbled across the terminology somewhere else on Facebook recently and still can’t figure out if it’s for real or a joke?? can someone enlighten me?

Love this so much. Today was flowers, a card and gift bought by my mother when she was visiting and breakfast made by them two. Dinner hasn’t been discussed as yet.
My best Mother’s Day gift was 8 years ago with a toilet training toddler… Staged totally getting Daddy to take her to the toilet after a lunch at a cafe. I then decided after he had mentioned ‘play ground’ that I needed to go to the bathroom before we left. Going to the toilet, by myself, with the door closed… there isn’t a lot that tops that!

Someone with some sense ! Some people only wish they had this problem .But then if she isn’t whinging about being a mum she’d have nothing to post . Number one reason why Mummy bloggers shit me . Why have kids if all you do is trash em on social media . Just a Constance hall wannabe .

And here I was feeling like a bit of an a&#hole for just wanting the kids to piss off and leave me alone for the day. Lol. This week I have had to do three times as much stuff as usual in the name of ‘mothers day’. Kids’ activities are usually a welcomed opportunity when I get a little bit of time to myself – not this week! No, this week I had to go and join in on all the bloody activities because it’s Mother’s Day. FFS!!! Now those precious few quiet hours (the only few quiet hours I get all week) have to also be spent making the kids happy! And what is it with the shit Mother’s Day gifts?? The things the kids bring home from the Mother’s Day stall at school range from cheap, plastic costume jewelry to aprons and anything in the colour range of pink. The Father’s Day stall is loaded up with useful, practical and fun gifts that I am jealous of every year. This year I got a stuffed pink bear and a floral pink pen with an angel on it. Is it seriously too much to ask for a day off? I love them dearly, I really really do, but a super day would have to be one where I don’t have to eat dry, cold toast and referee arguments all day long. Speaking of….. time to stop them from killing each other again. Where’s the wine????

Complain much!
Surely we all know our own mother well enough to just walk straight to the shop and buy the exact item she wants. If you rely on what the stores are marketing to find a gift for mum maybe you shld just spend some time with her instead. And I don’t want my kids to leave – I’m actually happy to spend Mother’s Day with my kids. Really sorry you’re not and that motherhood is such a burden for you.

OMG!!! I loved this. At the end of a crappy mothers day this summed it up perfectly.

Yes I got the dessert cookbook – the damm kids dont eat dessert so what, I am going to do – cook a serve for 12 and eat it all???

White picture frames… nothing in my house is white…. white is a magnet for dust and I dont have time to dust. And it has shelves it in also – so more pokey little bits to dust that will require a cotton bud!

And to top it off….. PLANTS!!! I kill anything green. Seriously I couldnt keep mould alive if I tried!

And finally lightglobes!! Now you make think that is practical but for me it is not! I removed half the lights in my house as I have a special needs child who likes to turn on all the lights until the house is light up like a theme park with the electricity bill to match!

What a miserable person you are!
Maybe comfy pajamas were purchased beside a mother complained about how tired she was.
A nutri bullet was given because a mum was constantly asking her partner if he thought she had gained weight. Even though he thought she was beautiful, he wanted to help her feel better about herself.
Perhaps an album was purchased because mum always sang along to the Carpenters and this was new and exciting.
A romance novel was given as someone heard their mum say, I wish I had more time to read.
A cookbook was the perfect gift because someone heard a mother say ‘I wish I could cook like that’.

This article just proves that you are impossible to buy for. There are millions of mum’s out there who would love every gift on this list!
As always, it is the thought that counts. You seem to misinterpret the thought!!

Laughed so hard at this because i remember feeling this way when the kids were little. Now, they’re grown & gone & I have nothing but time alone. I blinked & it was over. A HMD text at midnight & another at 6 a.m. is sufficient, but once in a while, the chaos of young familyhood is something I miss.
Don’t rant your life away, every moment is a gift.

I can’t believe people have commented that you are whinging too much about these “gifts”. What a waste of the world’s resources. How many stinky candles, ugly slippers and foul bath bombs have been produced in the name of Mother’s Day? Besides – Hello? Humour people!! And the best humour is when it is completely true. My kids brought their “Mother’s Day Stall” money home again because as they said, “it was all crap Mum, you wouldn’t have liked it”. We went to Free Comic Book Day on Saturday, got a pile of comics (and they used the money to buy me a couple extra because they were 10% off) and we spent most of the rainy day today sitting around reading comics. They made me cheese on toast for breakfast. It was Brie. Because I bought it. I drank 5 cups of tea and had an extra big glass of wine with dinner. They only fought 3 times. It was a good day!

This is funny and on target. Even this older mom would throw this crap back and ask for a clean house and a day off!! Even my 80 year old mother would find this stuff crap! Okay…so I would take a day at a spa with a full body massage, foot reflexology and a healthy salt scrub…pour me back into a car and then send me to a beautiful B&B alone for the night or weekend. PS to husbands – no I don’t want sex…this is how I earned this freakin’ holiday.

Actually a thank you would be nice, or even a happy mother’s day! I can’t even get that and I have no idea why it is I get my hopes up each year. Mother’s Day is just another shitty day to be treated like shit by both kids and husband and have to listen to their fights and argue,ents until you lose your shit with them and they try to figure out whats wrong.
Don’t even worry about a shitty present because your not even worth that thought!

I have just heard the history of Mother’s Day- it’s about changing the world, peace and helping the less fortunate. Not a carnation or nightie in sight!!
The story begins in 1858 when a community activist named Anna Reeves Jarvis
organized Mothers’ Works Days in West Virginia. Her immediate goal was to
improve sanitation in Appalachian communities. During the Civil War, Jarvis
pried women from their families to care for the wounded on both sides.
Afterward she convened meetings to persuale men to lay aside their
hostilities.

In 1872, Juulia Ward Howe, author of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”,
proposed an annual Mother’s Day for Peace. Committed to abolishing war, Howe
wrote: “Our husbands shall not come to us reeking with carnage… Our sons
shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them
of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of
those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs”.

Toiletry sets… because you’re a woman you must like these things. That or else you stink and it’s about time you washed yourself in some ghastly sickly sweet smelling shit that you wouldn’t even use on the dog.

I know mums need a break & many Dads don’t help, however why have children if you are going to whinge about it all & wish you didn’t have Mothers Day with them ?! If you need a break, have it another day/time. There’s plenty of parenting resources around. Mothers Day doesn’t need to be a marketing day, it’s about honouring those we love, showing appreciation, & enjoying cherished memories together. And for those of us whose Mum died early, we’d give anything to have time with our precious mum again.

What a wonderful testimony of gratitude for the fact that your children wanted to give you anything at all. No ugly, lopsided, handmade pottery or childish abstract painting will be good enough for you either, I’ll bet.

This is funny. Just have to say that I love all my cheesy Mothers day gifts though. I have about 10 teacups/mugs, pens, books. My daughter loves going to the school stall and spending a few dollars on something for me and I don’t care what it is I always love it ?
But each to their own I’d course.

Good grief I had forgotten how many sanctimonious , “I am offended on behalf of everyone” sweethearts there are out there just scanning around trying to find something or someone to chastise!! Thanks Far Kew for a seriously funny piece.

I want to pass along some very important news that everyone needs to hear!

In December of 2017, Donald Trump made history by recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Why is this big news? Because by this the Jewish people of Israel are now able to press forward in bringing about the Third Temple prophesied in the Bible.

Jewish Rabbis have publicly announced that their Messiah will be revealed in the coming years who will be a leader and spiritual guide to all nations, gathering all religions under the worship of one God.

Biblical prophecy tells us that this Jewish Messiah who will take the stage will be the antichrist “who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (2 Thessalonians 2:4). For a time he will bring about a false peace, but “Therefore when you see the ‘abomination of desolation,’ spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place (Matthew 24:15)…then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be” (Matthew 24:21).

More importantly, the power that runs the world wants to put a RFID microchip in our body making us total slaves to them. This chip matches perfectly with the Mark of the Beast in the Bible, more specifically in Revelation 13:16-18:

“He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”

Referring to the last days, this could only be speaking of a cashless society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Otherwise, we could still buy or sell without the mark amongst others if physical money was still currency. This Mark couldn’t be spiritual because the word references two different physical locations. If it was spiritual it would just say in the forehead. RFID microchip implant technology will be the future of a one world cashless society containing digital currency. It will be implanted in the right-hand or the forehead, and we cannot buy or sell without it. Revelation 13:11-18 tells us that a false prophet will arise on the world scene doing miracles before men, deceiving them to receive this Mark. Do not be deceived! We must grow strong in Jesus. AT ALL COSTS, DO NOT TAKE IT!

“Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name” (Revelation 14:9-11).

People have been saying the end is coming for many years, but we needed two key things. One, the Third Temple, and two, the technology for a cashless society to fulfill the prophecy of the Mark of the Beast.

If you haven’t already, it is time to seek God with all your heart. Jesus loves you more than you could imagine. He wants to have a relationship with you and redeem you from your sins. Turn to Him and repent while there is still hope! This is forever…God bless!

“EITHER HUMAN INTELLIGENCE ULTIMATELY OWES ITS ORIGIN TO MINDLESS MATTER OR THERE IS A CREATOR…” – JOHN LENNOX

We all know God exists. Why? Because without Him, we couldn’t prove anything at all. Do we live our lives as if we cannot know anything? No. So why is God necessary? In order to know anything for certain, you would have to know everything, or have revelation from somebody who does. Who is capable of knowing everything? God. So to know anything, you would have to be God, or know God.

A worldview without God cannot account for the uniformity and intelligibility of nature. And why is it that we can even reason that God is the best explanation for this if there is no God? We are given reason to know or reject God, but never to know that He does not exist.

It has been calculated by Roger Penrose that the odds of the initial conditions for the big bang to produce the universe that we see to be a number so big, that we could put a zero on every particle in the universe, and even that would not be enough to use every zero. What are the odds that God created the universe? Odds are no such thing. Who of you would gamble your life on one coin flip?

Is there evidence that the Bible is the truth? Yes. Did you know that the creation accounts listed in the book of Genesis are not only all correct, but are also in the correct chronological order? That the Bible doesn’t say the Earth was formed in six 24-hour days but rather six long but finite periods of time? That the Bible makes 10 times more creation claims than all major “holy” books combined with no contradictions, while these other books have errors in them? The Bible stood alone by concurring with the big bang saying, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1); and says our universe is expanding, thousands of years before scientists discovered these things. Watch a potential life-changing video on the website listed below with Astronomer(PhD) Hugh Ross explaining all these facts based on published scientific data. He has authored many books, backed even by atheist scientists.

Jesus came to pay a debt that we could not; to be our legal justifier to reconcile us back to a Holy God; only if we are willing to receive Him: “For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23).

God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him, through faith, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus says if we wish to enter into life to keep the commands! The two greatest commands are to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and your neighbor as yourself. All the law hang on these commands. We must be born of and lead by the Holy Spirit, to be called children of God, to inherit the kingdom. If we are willing to humble ourselves in prayer to Jesus, to confess and forsake our sins, He is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who keep asking of Him; giving us a new heart, leading us into all truth!

Jesus came to free us from the bondage of sin. The everlasting fire was prepared for the devil and his angels due to disobedience to God’s law. If we do the same, what makes us any different than the devil? Jesus says unless we repent, we shall perish. For sin is the transgression of the law. We must walk in the Spirit so we may not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, being hatred, fornication, drunkenness and the like. Whoever practices such things will not inherit the kingdom (Galatians 5:16-26). If we sin, we may come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness (1 John 2:1-2). Evil thoughts are not sins, but rather temptations. It is not until these thoughts conceive and give birth by our own desires that they become sin (James 1:12-15). When we sin, we become in the likeness of the devil’s image, for he who sins is of the devil (1 John 3:8); but if we obey Jesus, in the image of God. For without holiness, we shall not see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

The oldest religion in the world is holiness through faith (James 1:27). What religion did Adam and Eve follow before the fall? Jesus, Who became the last Adam, what religion does He follow? Is He not holy? He never told us to follow the rituals and traditions of man but to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23). There are many false doctrines being taught leading people astray. This is why we need the Holy Spirit for discernment. Unlike religion, holiness cannot be created. It is given to us from above by the baptism of the Spirit. Jesus is more than a religion; He is about having a personal relationship with the Father. Start by reading the Gospel of Matthew, to hear the words of God, to know His character and commandments. Follow and obey Jesus, for He is the way, the truth, and the life!