Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am. I do believe there’s a fraudulent charge on my account.”

Me: “Oh, no! Let’s see what we can do. Which item is fraudulent?”

Customer: “The $29.99 charge on January ninth.”

(I scroll down to the charge and then I notice the woman’s account is completely over-run with $0.99 charges to Google. When people get customer debit card numbers, they often make small purchases so they customer won’t notice, but this is completely insane.)

Me:*ignoring the Google charges for the time being* “Okay, I see the $29.99 charge. Do you want me to file a dispute on this item?”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, now wait, honey. I know what it is. I forgot I ordered that purse from the TV.” *laughs* “Never mind. I didn’t mean to waste your time! Thank you so much!”

Me: “Wait, ma’am, hold on. I’m glad you figured out that charge was legitimate, but I do need to ask you… Um, are you aware there are multiple small transactions to Google on your account? I mean, they go all the way back for at least three months. I’m seeing so many I can’t count them all!”

Customer: “Oh, honey, I know. My husband tells me I need to stop!”

Me: “Stop, ma’am? Stop what?”

Customer: “Oh, you know. Ain’t you ever felt so swag you just had to play Candy Crush at three am?”

Me:*blink* “No, ma’am. Can’t say that I have.”

Customer: “Oh, I just get so mad. I just gotta beat that level!”

Me:*laughs* “Well, hey, we all gotta unwind somehow!”

Customer: “How much I spent on Candy Crush anyhow? $50?”

Me:*tallying it all up* “Um… it looks like approximately $767.87 in three months.”

(There is a prolonged silence.)

Customer: “HOW MUCH!?”

Me: “$767.87, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh honey, don’t you tell my husband. He already mad at me as it is. Oh well! Thanks, baby, you have a great night!”

(The customer had well over $15,000 in her regular checking account so I suppose she wasn’t missing it too badly!)