Why “Good Job!” Doesn’t Cut It: A Montessori Perspective On Praise

First of all, who doesn’t say “good job!” to their kids? It’s a catch-all sort of praise that you can easily blurt out while you’re also skimming the news, chopping vegetables or peeking out of the bathroom to watch your child do some sort of jumpy twirly move that he’s obviously very proud of. Yet, praise can do so much more than prove that you’re watching what your child does. How?

Use Descriptive Praise

Rather than evaluating our children and defining their whole worth around one task or action, why not describe the positive behavior and encourage them? This is called descriptive praise.

A comparison of evaluative and descriptive praise helps clarify:

Evaluative Praise

Descriptive Praise

“Good boy!”

“Thank you for helping me. We finished cleaning quickly between the two of us.”

“What a fantastic drawing!”

“You worked very hard on that drawing. I like the colors you picked.”

“Good job!”

“Wow, I didn’t know you could hop on one foot. That takes a lot of balance!”

In the left hand column, evaluative praise is used. Here, you can see how the words determine whether the child has done something “good” or “bad.” There is judgement in these phrases. Especially with “good girl!” and “good boy!”, the child as a whole is evaluated for one single action.

In the right-hand column, the praise is much longer and describes the actions completed. Positive aspects are mentioned in a descriptive way. This is helpful for the child because they can recognize the benefits of their work. In the first example of descriptive praise, the adult points out that because they helped, a task was completed more quickly. In the second example, because the child worked hard, they were able to create a beautiful picture. Adults can even expose children to a greater vocabulary by using words like “balance” in their praise.

In the Montessori classroom, external rewards, including excessive praise, are discouraged. This is because the child should become internally motivated, recognizing the benefits and innate goodness of the work they do. This doesn’t happen automatically. Parents and teachers must guide the process and help the child learn to see the importance of each task performed in the classroom and at home, from chores to art, to math.

Older children are much more suspect to the motivations of adults dishing out praise. They may wonder if the adult is trying to manipulate them. Additionally, praise for one completed task creates pressure for the child to maintain an equally excellent performance, causing them to choose easier tasks rather than challenging ones.

The Key is How We Praise

While evaluative praise has been shown to have negative effects, descriptive praise has not. Descriptive praise that focuses on traits children have the power to change (such as their effort, choice in strategy and attitude) has a positive impact. Children are more likely to take on challenging tasks and feel motivated to do so. Additionally, children grow to have a healthy sense of their abilities says Lauren Lowry, Speech Language Pathologist.

When we praise children for things that they don’t have control over such as their intelligence or being “good” (which is usually determined by an adult and is quite arbitrary), they lose motivation and feel helpless when a project or activity doesn’t turn out just so.

So, in order to help our children develop healthy self-esteems and learn to recognize the benefits of their efforts, use descriptive praise. Although it may take a bit more effort on our part, the results are worth it.

I’ve just recently started reading a book about Montessori methods so I love finding out more things about her principles. There’s a lot of sense in what you say here. When I was growing up my mother was always so supportive of us and she oozed pride in us, but I always lacked self confidence. I’d actually shy away whenever she talked about my achievements and I think it’s because I always felt it was too excessive. To me, there was always someone clever/funnier/prettier than me so anything she said always felt too… unbelievable I suppose. It means I’m quite careful about how I praise my own children. They’re still both young (eldest 2 and youngest 6 months) so I do praise them a lot without going into detail (mainly as if I speak too much my eldest just doesn’t take it in). But I do also spend time focusing on the how and not just the what. I think it’s so important they know it’s about the effort and process than the finished product. #fortheloveofBLOG

I have long since tried to align my parenting with Montessori, with varying degrees of success (Montessori bed was not a winner for us!). This post really made me think about how I praise my miniatures. I will definitely pay more attention to my words from now on, thank you! #fortheloveofBLOG #KCACOLS

This post is so helpful. I have read before about the different kinds of praise, but I often still fall back on the ”oh what a lovely picture!” kind of response. I think it’s just laziness and not really been focused and engaged. Thanks for the reminder to be a little bit more thoughtful with my praise! #fortheloveofBLOG

Love this… and so clearly explained, thanks. My daughter has recently moved back to Montessori after trying kindergarten in mainstream education. I love learning more about it so I can be consistent at home. #bigpinklink

This is a great post! I can see the points you make and it does make a difference. I am afraid that I tend to fall into habit of just saying “Good job” kind of praise. I am going to think about what you have written and make a real effort in using descriptive praise more. Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

I need to start implementing these! Right now, I tell my almost 2year old “good job” and he loves it! He even does a little happy dance when I say it. However, I know that later on, the phrase “good job” will become old and I’ll need to start telling him exactly what I’m proud of and why.

I never thought of it this way, but it’s just like us adults. Sometimes we need to hear more than a “good job” after working our butt off to complete a task. We sometimes need someone to notice what we did that made the end result of our efforts so wonderful.Zakiyah recently posted…Easy Ways to Save Energy in the Winter

Hi Rachel, I do try and be thoughtful when dishing out genuine praise as it is all too easy to say ‘good boy, or ‘well done’ without giving it a second thought and children are not daft. However, I do give a sarky ‘good girl’ to my sixteen-year-old daughter when she finally does a chore she’s been putting off. It makes her smile and wrinkle her nose, but it also clears the air, if I’ve got cross.

Haha yes! I think every has their specific needs and if a “good girl” joking praise works for you and your daughter that’s great. But yes for the majority of the time focusing on the effort involved and the specific steps our children have taken really helps them see what they’ve done well.

I’ve become increasingly interested in the Montessori way of things, but more and more because my son is leading my in that direction. He is very independent, and loves doing things for himself, so why not?! Haha, seriously though, this is such a GREAT article!!
I really need to be working on HOW I praise my son, because I am totally guilty of just saying the generic “good job” when his accomplishment deserves so much more. Thanks for sharing!! <3

Thanks for reading! Feel free to check out more posts. I think you are already on the right track if you have allowed your son to lead you in the direction of Montessori…because Montessori is all about following the direction of your child. Of course, you must also guide and create boundaries, but noticing his needs and interests is a main component that will help you both enjoy learning! Glad you found this post helpful!

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Who is Volcano Mama?

Rachel is a Montessori teacher, freelance writer, mama and wife. Currently she works from home to spend more time with her 5 year-old-son and 2-year-old daughter. In her free time, she volunteers at the library she helped begin at the local church where she lives in a small town in Guatemala. She also loves watching volcanic explosions from her rooftop, crafting, cooking & baking, going for the occasional jog and being with her family. Follow her on her blog at www.rachelpeachey.com

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