31 Days of Supporting the Special Needs Family

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The Story Behind this Special Needs Series

The story of this series begins five years ago. Kathryn, Sara, and I were young military wives who had met online. We were expecting our first babies – all boys. We commented on bumpdates and nursery pictures and even sent baby gifts to each other.

One after another, we gave birth to our precious baby boys. Our sons’ births were hard, each fraught with complications and emotional distress. Nothing went how we planned. Our connection went deeper as we struggled with things like breastfeeding problems and postpartum recovery.

Beyond recovery from birth, my son, while definitely challenging and high-needs, grew typically according to the standard growth and developmental patterns. He met his milestones like the average child.

But their sons didn’t. And over the next few years I started learning a whole new language because of them.

I have not been the best friend. I have made my share of mistakes. I’ve said my share of ignorant – if not downright hurtful – things. Mothering has been a humbling experience. As I have grown into where I am today as a mother, I have also grown in my understanding of friendship, support, and empathy.

While I have never met either of these women in person, I consider them to be my closest and dearest friends. So when they hurt, I hurt. When they share their struggles of wanting their sons to simply eat or talk…I struggle within myself.

I wonder, “Why is this fair? Why was my son the neurotypical one? Why do they have to suffer while we live our average lives?”

I don’t have the answers to these questions. But I believe that God has had a greater purpose in our friendship. I believe that this series is a part of that purpose.

When our sons were getting ready to turn three, I wrote a blog post called How to encourage a special-needs mom (when you aren’t one) in hopes of encouraging them and other moms like them. It was something that they could share with their friends and family about how they could be encouraged and supported. It was full of some things I had learned through the course of our four-year friendship. This post was such a blessing to them and other moms of special-needs children around the world that it ended up going viral earlier this year. This post has now been viewed over 204,000 times.

Through this post, I met Katie – a sweet mom with such a similar story to Kathryn’s and Sara’s. She too has a boy, just a little bit older than my Ezra, who is also on the autism spectrum.

My friendship with her deepened quickly. And then, on the evening of January 14, 2014, she suggested that I expand my post into an e-book.

In that moment, I cannot explain the excitement yet peace that I felt. The immediate feeling of, “Yes, a resounding yes! This is a message that needs to be told. A dialogue that needs to be opened.”

Together – Katie, Kathryn, Sara, and I want to see the walls separating the special needs community from the rest of the world fall down. We want to see bridges built and friendships forged. We want to see churches and communities step up their game to rally around the parents of special-needs children.

Unfortunately, my life this year has not afforded me the time or the means to work on this immense undertaking. I’ve written a few pages in a notebook here, notes on a document here, a chapter on Google Drive there.

In July, I started thinking and praying about doing 31 days this October. I couldn’t seem to hone in on a topic until one morning I thought to myself, “Why not turn the book idea into a 31 post series?”

At first it felt like I was giving up on authoring a book, but at the same time, I felt like this content was so important that it couldn’t wait to be shared until my life magically gave me time to write a book.

So it is with much prayer, planning, and discussion with my closest friends that I open this series, 31 Days of Supporting the Special Needs* Family.

Over the course of the next 31 days, we will be hearing from Kathryn, Sara, and Katie – as well as several other special needs moms and dads. We will be highlighting several different diagnoses (not just autism). We will speak about the intense challenges that these families face (financial considerations, marriage struggles, and more). We will discuss what factors build walls between the special needs community and others. We will talk about how those walls can come down and how these families can get more support from their friends, family, churches, and communities. Join us?

I recognize that there is some controversy regarding the term “special needs family.” Some families prefer the term “disability” and say that the term “special needs” generates “pity and segregation.” Others take offense to the wording of the phrase, saying it is not “people first language.”

I have contemplated these things for a year now and spoken with several families about this issue. I have chosen to go ahead with using the term because I feel it to be the most all-encompassing. I want no family with extenuating needs to feel excluded – whether those needs be a disability, a mental health disorder, a behavioral disorder, a physical deformity, a genetic or birth defect, or an illness such as cancer. All of these needs are valid.

As far as putting the descriptor in front of the person, it is only for sake of brevity of words that I have done so. I recognize that these amazing children and families have a personhood and identity that reaches far beyond their needs.

My sole purpose is encouragement. It is my hope that all who land here find it.

Aprille, I am so honored to be a part of this. You are such an amazing mom, friend, and encourager. This post had me in tears of joy and hope, compassion and encouragement. Will be sharing this series with everyone I know!

You are an amazing mother, encourager, and friend. This post had me in tears of joy and hope, compassion and understanding. Will be sharing this series with everyone I know. Thank you for being a bridge builder and for putting this amazing series together. I feel so blessed to be a part of it, and to learn from other awesome moms in this great community.

This is beautiful!! I’m a blogger and writer (attempting to author a book!) and feel deprived having only just learned about this 31 Blogger Series that is apparently well-known to everyone but me – until yesterday. I guess I have time to start one since the day isn’t over yet, but I’m not sure now is the best time to start when I haven’t had time to prepare content – or my heart! So instead, I am enjoying everyone else’s 31 day series! I guess I will know whether or not I’m participating by midnight tonight, huh? Lol! I’m excited for your series though. I am a parent of a son with autism and have the exact same desires as you and your friends. I am sure this will be a blessing to so many. Thank you for sharing your heart, even if it is in a different form than you originally thought!

Wow, thanks for this series. I will be looking forward to read all of the contributions. I am myself nto a special needs MOm, but an adult with special needs. I think I can however relate to some of these topics.

I am in tears and so very excited for this series! My dear friend and I just had babies this past year and her son has Down syndrome. It has been so hard on her- everything- and I am constantly praying for wisdom on how to be a good friend. Can’t wait to read more!

Hi there! Love this post so much. I wanted to read your post on encouraging special needs mom, but the link did not work. I learned a new language and I am still learning. My daughter has a list of diseases. I am still learning about Autism (Ashleigh has PPD-NOS), ADHD, and ODD (My son has these 2). Good luck on your book!! I am working on my about our raising our daughter and having 2 other kids. I have started it. I just need more time to work on it.

That is ok. No rush. I loved that post, too. A friend of my is having problems with people talking about her, her son that is in pain and losing his ability to walk (he doesn’t have the same disease as my daughter). She posted today to those talking about her so I posted a comment to tell her about your series and the one post on how to help special needs family. I hope it helps those who want to help her.

Aprille, so proud of you, friend, for this series. And I can imagine this 31 days series being the material for an ebook for sure! What an important topic and voice(s) you bring to this 31 days…and your schedule of posts looks incredible! I’m cheering for you, grateful for the ways you are enlightening, challenging and teaching your readers. Such a gift.

This series is a great idea! I will eventually have to catch up! Thanks for sharing at Friendship Friday! Please join us again next week! I can relate to how you felt when your friends’ children had problems and yours did not. When Bethany was sick with brain cancer I felt almost guilty that her cancer was not as deadly as some of the other children’s cancers were.

[…] more inspiring posts on self care and special needs parent support, please visit Beautiful in his time from the 31 Days of Supporting the Special Needs Family. All the bloggers featured in this series […]

[…] Special Needs Family!!! To view the story behind this series and the series contents, please visit the landing page. Today, we are ending with a bang and sharing special needs link love from all over the […]

[…] Two years ago, I participated in the 31 Days Blogging Challenge with a series for Special Needs Families. It was called “31 Days of Supporting the Special Needs Family: Opening Dialogue, Building Bridges, Creating … […]

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