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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Strange Exertions

He tells me he can't read people all that well about how they feel... what they are thinking... but he reads me so clearly.

I'm worried.I'm quiet in thought about my on/off health issue. He asks me what's wrong. I shake off my thoughts and reply, "nothing" but he was keen to notice and says that he can tell something is wrong. I didn't want to bother him with every little detail. I simply replied, "...nothing" . That is one of the reasons why I don't blog all the time now. Although my blood work, urine and stool test from the doctors came back "OK"... means nothing to me when I'm still feeling sick time to time. And one factor that scares me the most keeps re-occurring. This one little thing, I just don't like to share with the world. Darren thinks it might be the fact that it maybe MSG that's making me sick. This fact makes sense to me, is I get sick often when I eat at home because my mom uses MSG in her food quite often. That's why in the last few years I've slowly stopped eating certain foods at home. Choosing carefully what I put in my mouth and also cooking more. It's just too bad when I do choose to prepare foods at home my parents are quick to nip pick that what I'm eating isn't good for me. Funny, I laugh to myself when they say this to me. That I should cook my raw salads and not buy pre-sliced cooked turkey meats and etc. I don't know what it is, but they think the world is full of so much bad foods. If you don't cook them the chemicals will get you. They are also against "organic" foods. When I eat, I eat all my salads and fruits NOT at home. In doing so this also builds a strange tension between my parents and me, believing that I don't get my intake of fruits and veggies because what they don't see, they don't believe happened. *sigh* .

I've been losing time lately. My energy has been focused on various places. Mainly Me. Trying and focusing on feeling better ( you have no idea how down I am when I all of a sudden feel sick in a day, I just don't feel like doing anything anymore, just go home and sleep, but I don't. I work on. ) I focus more on work through out the days. I've worked every single day of this month so far. ( Rare, since I'm an on call freelancer ) But more work doesn't hurt, just means more money. :P . I spend time with Darren because well, he takes me out of my element, doing new things. I think sitting in front of the comp at work is enough for me at times. But then I return evenings to my lappy, editing the last art video I shot. Don't get me wrong though, I feel blogging is very much my personal ME time. I miss it at times. I'm blogging at work right now.

There are a few images and moments that have happened that I would like to journal down that I will hopefully post tonight as I return home. I think husband ( Mr. CC *my dog* ) misses me. He stalks me every time now I'm home. I took him for a run the other morning. I think I might have tired him out.