One question parents have when they consider or start unschooling, which lacks the structure of traditional school, is, "If I don't tell my kid what to do, won't they just choose to watch TV and play video games all day?"

And this is a legitimate concern.

The short answer is, "Yes, possibly, at first." But as always, the short answer doesn't give you the true picture.

The true answer would be:

Yes, kids will watch TV and play video games sometimes, possibly a lot in the beginning.

But kids get bored with that and might want to do other things.

Also, video games and TV aren't necessarily bad. Nothing is bad unless we decide to put them in that category. Actually, there are lots of positives to be found in those activities, given the right context.

Finally, consider yourself: why don't you play video games or watch TV all day? What you answer is interesting, and I'd like to get more into that.

So let's go into each of these a bit.

In the Beginning, Tons of Video Games If you take a totally unstructured approach to unschooling, and let your kid to anything he wants, then yes, there will probably be lots of TV and video games. Why not? Those are totally fun activities.

So imagine this scenario: you tell your kid she can do whatever she wants. She's in charge. She decides, "Great, video game fest!" And she goes crazy with the video games. She plays all day, then the next, then the next. Weeks pass. After awhile, she's played every game she owns, and gets bored. She wants to do something else.

That's when she starts finding fun things to build, or maybe wants to go outside to play, or maybe listens to some of your suggestions for things to explore.

But this scenario doesn't take into account reality: you're there with her. You're doing other things, setting an example. Maybe some of the things you do will inspire her, or at least get her curious. Even if she plays video games all day, she is learning by watching you.

And you might suggest things, ask her to go places with you, ask for her help with something you're doing, expose her to things that might get her curiosity going. So you just being around changes the equation.

Video Games Aren't BadParents tend to think of video games as a waste of time, perhaps even harmful. I've not seen evidence of this. The evidence I've seen (both personally and in the literature) show that there's no harm in games, and in fact there are some good things to be found.

And that's for regular games. Minecraft is an example of a different type of game, where kids are creating and building things. It gets pretty amazing.

TV can also be good, though I'm not as big a fan. There's storytelling and humor and history, but there's also commercials and negative role models. So you need to provide context for them.

How Adults Get MotivatedAsk yourself why you don't play video games or watch TV all day. There are typically three responses:

Because if I did, I wouldn't get paid. This is the same motivation of why kids learn at school. They have no other choice. So when they start being unschooled, and now have a choice, they go crazy with the freedom. But later you realize that if you have a choice, your life is now your responsibility. But anyway, being forced to learn is a bad way to learn about how to be motivated. You're not really learning motivation then, and then as an adult you don't have those skills.

I do play video games and watch TV all the time. It's a problem. There are people who have this problem, and procrastinate. They haven't learned motivation skills. Kids will have the same problem. But as a parent, you can help them work through this problem, and show them what you do, and figure out solutions together. Then the kid won't have the problem as an adult.

I have other things I really want to do. If you're inspired to create something, to build a business, to help people ... then you wake every day wanting to get to it. You see video games and TV as a waste of time. Or maybe as something to do once in awhile to relax, but not all day. This is the magic spot that kids can get to too, if you show them how. And in fact, even without your help, they'll probably figure this out after awhile.

So yes, kids will go crazy with their freedom. But once they've figured out something they really want to do more, things get really interesting.

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Children are not computers that their parents must program, the are individual human beings. If you are teaching your child something without using coercion, great. But they have minds/dreams/goals of their own, and purposely trying to shut up their natural instincts because you think your plan (as the parent) is better, is just wrong.

Give these kids some space, love them, and expose them to as much as possible. And for goodness sake, stop hating on all the other parents people! We should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. Please open up your minds and hearts.

Leo your blog is interesting and informative. I greatly enjoy it. I've been following this thread closely because it is such a relevant topic. I personally strive for daily balance between spiritual pursuits, academics, work, activities, and free time. One thing I've noticed in this thread, though, is how much these parents are attacking each other and the unschooling methodology. There seems to be this notion that unschooling means doing nothing with your children while you busy yourself otherwise. That's more like what parents do who have their kids in institutions. To me, unschooling it means doing something other than public-school-style schooling. I am a single mom working from home with my own consulting business and my son and I thrive on our unique lifestyle. To me unschooling means being adaptable to my individual child's needs and interests, and as a parent, participating and guiding. It means learning life skills as well as academic theories.For us, each day is unique. We happen to thrive off spontaneity flexibility. That's why I consider myself to be an unschooler. Why are so many parents in this thread tearing each other down? I just don't see how someone can tout their "17 years experience" with their own children as giving them the ultimate authority on what is best for all children. If some of the methods you tried failed, that isn't the fault of the methodology. That's like saying if dieting didn't work for you it won't work for anyone. There are a lot of sweeping generalizations posted here and very confrontational language that seems to imply some sort of superiority. That kind of attitude is more representative of institutionalized education than anything else. Each of us are only experts within the context of our own situations and our own children. Here is a wonderful video from a TED Talk that all homeschooling and particularly unschooling parents should see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h11u3vtcpaY I personally would like to see some evidence here that we are all endeavoring to set an example of caring, compassion, and humility, because true success lies in your character, not in what you do.

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For those who are not yet acquainted with video games, take a look at "A Theory of Fun for Game Design" to understand the art better (it's extremely readable, and half pictures). "Masters of Doom" was also a great read, and it addresses concerns about violence in video games. Also, if you've never played a game in your life, then try the classic "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time". My wife, who had never played anything, loved this game, which was one of my old favorites. Games are basically pure learning, but they usually teach skills that contribute to what we think of as general aptitude (planning ahead, strategy, exploration and experimentation, aiming and timing, physical/spatial manipulations, etc.), rather than a specific resume skill (unless you want to be a game designer). They're also good for eyesight (which surprises most people), especially if your kid needs an eye patch for lazy eye, like I did.

I am curious as to how children learn self discipline under this system. It's not a natural human trait, so people really don't just pick it up. The real rewards of learning often only come if you stick with a subject through the dry, boring parts. How does an unschooler teach their kids to do that?

Unschooling, at least in my home, is not without self-discipline. My daughter is taking algebra, which she hates, because she wants to go to college. My son spent hours and hours trying to figure out how to install mods on his computer. He was completely frustrated, but he stuck to it and succeeded in the process. The same goes with science experiments he's tried to replicate from youtube. Sometimes they're harder than they look, but he kept at it and eventually got it. As parents, we are great examples to our kids. They are with us all day, so they see the trials that we go through and how, in the end, we persevere with persistance. It's modeled for them everyday.

I agree with Redheadmom...my son is 8 and although we have some flexibility, I do teach him that he has to master the fundamentals - its just the routine and the setting that are different. He is also expected to work with me on household chores and that provides a good example of what you are talking about because he knows it's not my favorite thing either, so I really do have to demonstrate the principle with my own actions by not grumbling or groaning myself! Then there are music lessons with the "boring" scales, cleaning tack after riding, and picking up his toys after playing. The trait you are talking about IS important - but you don't need an institution to regulate the lesson.

We have just began our unschooling journey this year, and it still surprises me how much my kids are learning just by leaving them alone. My 8 year old will come beg me to write out her some multiplication problems, or to sit and listen to her read. My 6 and 3 year old spend a lot of time playing or watching pbs. They learn so much from what they watch. Just the other day they were discovering new species in the back yard. They do learn on their own, you just have to provide the tools and support they need.

Nothing is bad? Drugs and alcohol aren't bad for a child? I just don't understand how adults can think children can monitor their consumption of addictive behaviors like video games when almost every adult I know is struggling with some sort of addiction, from drugs to food to shopping. I have a friend whose father sat down with his five boys and a pack of cigarettes thinking he was going to make them so sick they would never want to look at another cigarette but his plan backfired just a bit. The next day they were all begging for more "ciggies".

I notice how people who don't like the limits I set for my children are happy to set limits for their children but because my limits are stricter then that makes me a control freak. No parent out there lets their child eat ANYTHING they want or do ANYTHING they want. We all make things available to our children based on our own standards. You let your children play video games because you think they are worthwhile. I think they are generally a waste of time so I don't have them in my home. Does that make me controlling? I have about ten different musical instruments in my home that my children are allowed to learn. If you have less does that make you controlling because you're not allowing your child to do anything they want?

I don't have a problem with people unschooling their children. I think parents should be allowed to raise their children however they want as long as it's not abusive. I happen to think unschooling is bordering on neglect but it's not exactly abusive so go for it. The problem I have with this website is that so many people look up to you Leo and you are not being exactly honest with them. You say this is such a great way to raise children but have you really raised any children this way? How many successful grown children do you have that were unschooled most of their lives? I'm thinking it's none. People that like your message are going to follow in your footsteps and I think you should be more honest about your experience. You really have no idea if this is a great way to educate children. It just feels good to you at the moment because you don't know of any better options but I hope you will keep looking.

It obviously occurs to you that you cannot force a child to learn. You can make them memorize a list of facts before they get to eat their dinner but they will promptly un-memorize them before dinner is over so it's a losing battle. You can force a child to do the dishes but you can't control a person's mind the same way so unschooling sounds like a good idea? Let them learn what they want because they are going to learn what they want anyway, right? But guess what? There is a third option that isn't all-control and it isn't no-control and I can't wait for you to figure out what it is because then you could really help a lot of people help their children become very educated, independent thinkers which we could really use more of in this dumbed down world we live in.

I have done school-at-home and I have tried unschooling. I eventually found a method of education that really works. I now have three children that spend 8-12 hours a day studying. They are all learning Latin, Euclid, math, modern languages, art, musical instruments, geography, history, horseback riding, etc., and they do it because they want to. Every single day they come to tell me how excited they are about what they are learning that day. I don't have any grown children yet but when I do I have a feeling none of them are going to say, "I just hate being able to speak four different languages, and I really wish I hadn't spent so many years making myself practice the piano and what a waste of time all that poetry crap was." I don't think all the children playing video games 8 hours a daywill be able to look back as fondly on the education their parents gave them but I could be wrong. I usually am.

Wow that's quite the rant. Looks like you have a lot bottled up. That's a blog not a comment. The only thing I would say about your generalizations of what you think children will regret or not, is that growth isn't just about accomplishments. Languages will help you if you travel. Poetry can be lovely if that's your thing. But consider you are not creating a destiny FOR your child, rather you are shepherding them towards being their best selves. For your kids that might be what looks like an extreme regiment of academics. For other kids it is a lot of play, creation, and adventure. They will be no less or more successful if they are content with who they are and what they do. I don't think you'll find many unschooling parents here who encourage their kids to do nothing but play video games - but perhaps someone should bring it to your attention that your post comes across as a bit judgmental and with a tone of superiority. I would caution you to be mindful not to only teach your children subjects - set a good example of being a good person, too.

Oddly all those adults you know with addictions, likely grew up in public or private school with restrictions on them. And they all likely had parents placing restrictions on them as well. And yet, you say most of the adults you know have addiction problems. And somehow think that doing precisely as was done with those ppl as kids will give your kids a different outcome? Hmmmm

I doubt the way we homeschool would be interesting to an unschooler but it's an approach that works very well for our family. I got a lot of ideas from homeschooling theories I've read about along the way and the rest have come from trial and error and studying the way my children think and react to the world around them. The way we homeschool is constantly changing as my children get older and I learn more about them. Maybe when they are grown I will write a book or start a blog because then I will really know what I am talking about.

I'm so glad you brought this up!! My son LOVES Minecraft as much as he loves his Lego. He is a builder at heart. I am careful to help him make "healthy" video game choices - we often play Wheel of Fortune, and other things like Boggle, on the tablet together. I do not permit violent, war-based, or sexualized content. He has a Grade 3 educational app with Math, Grammar, Social Science, and Natural Science for his tablet which he enjoys. I let him watch Nova, Nature, Wild Kratts, and other educational TV shows as part of his day. There are also about something like 180 self-education channels on YouTube - he likes one called VSauce3. That being said, I think it is all about finding balance. When I suggest we go out for a walk in the park or bowling or to the library or museum he is just as happy to do so. I also encourage him to have some down time where there are no restrictions on what he can do...and I find him making good choices. I think technology, and even games, have a place in home education but even a child can learn to use them with discernment.

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The biggest problem we had when we started about 5 years ago, as new unshcooling parents and students, is that we were stuck in the school mindset.

Unschooling is a vastly different approach from traditional school, and if your kids are in school and you want to take them out of school and unschool them, you still believe the old stuff for a long time:

It's really amazing how much this stuff is ingrained in our heads, from years of believing in it (and being raised to believe it by the school system).

Our children have a relationship with each other that is hard to describe.

Princess is seven years old and a total "Mother Hen" personality. She tries to take care of everyone in the house, but especially her younger brother.

Little Dude is four, and he completely looks up to his big sister and wants to do everything that she does. This includes playing with her friends when they come over and basically following her everywhere she goes.

Basically, they always want to be together. They love each other dearly, and about the only time they aren't in the same room is when they're at school or asleep.

While this sounds like an ideal relationship for a brother and sister, there's one small problem with it: they have absolutely no idea how to play together.