Save your Tang points for a t-shirt! (1987)

This ad was featured in seemingly every comic book in 1987. I’ve never seen that Wham!-inspired “T is for Tang” t-shirt at any thrift store or anywhere else in the world, but I will not rest until it is mine.

The raison d’etre for the other “Big Orange Big Shot” Tang stuff is more than a little mystifying. The only plausible explanation is that a lonely middle aged gal in the Tang promo department got taken by a particularly crafty bullshit artist promotional products salesman. What else could explain the existence on this material plane of a Tang-themed novelty phone (please God, let that be a phone)? Sure, astonauts drank Tang and the name itself has a certain elementary school yard je ne sais quoi, but nothing attracts the unwanted attention of a bully like orange shades and headbands. The copyrighter seems to run out of steam when describing the orange suspenders and shies away from calling them Atomic Wedgie magnets, instead shrugging, “They’re orange, they’re adjustable, and they’re a lot cooler than a belt” .

I’m tempted to write to the TANG! brand PO box in Kankakee just to see what happens. There’s no way they actually gave these away to anyone- but if that $10 ($67000 in today’s dollar adjusted for inflation) phone exists, please write to your humble author with your asking price.

PS. Tang is also sold under the Senior Citizen-targeted branch name Metamucil.