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Oxford Street closed to poor to avoid ‘crushing debt’

Oxford Street in Central London was closed to the poor again today amid fears of crushing debt. Further such closures may now be in place every weekend in the run up to Christmas.

‘We have spent 11 months telling people that they have no money, and that next year they will have less, but still they insist on spending at Christmas,’ a Government spokesman said. ‘The closure of London’s main shopping street will hopefully see people return to shop at markets and Lidl.’

Credit checks will now be carried out at the Marble Arch and Tottenham Court Road ends of Oxford Street to prevent those with poor ratings, or anyone who has used Wonga.com, from spending more borrowed money.

The Government has announced that as a precaution for next year it is considering banning Christmas for those with a household income of less than £25,000. Economic forecasts predict that the ban would be likely to affect the entire UK population.