Give Rameez a Nobel!

Wise men can, with their words, change the course of human history. The Nobel Peace Prize is given to the greatest statesmen the world has ever seen for their wise direction of world affairs.

Wise men can, with their words, change the course of human history. The Nobel Peace Prize is given to the greatest statesmen the world has ever seen for their wise direction of world affairs. All these statesmen are great orators as well, and are able to change the thinking of a million people merely with their speeches. Everyone waits with bated breath to see who will win the Nobel Peace Prize every year.

This year, I propose the name of Rameez Raja, for his oratory skills. He has some part of the skills of every other Nobel Laureate ever. Here are a few examples:

1. Barack Obama, and his ‘Yes We Can!’ attitude: Rameez is a die hard fan of the Pakistan team. Even when they are 8 down with 100 to get in 3 overs, he acts like they have a good chance to win. Even when he probably knows that the match is fixed and they are sure to lose, he tells the cricket viewing public that Pakistan’s young lions are going to take the match. Obama must have got ‘Yes We Can!’ from him.

2. Yasser Arafat, Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres, and their achievement of bringing peace between sworn enemy nations: The 1994 Nobel went to three men who had temporarily reconciled Israel and Palestine. Rameez’s achievement is no less: he has made India and Pakistan agree on something. Whenever they hear his voice, representatives of both countries feel the same urge to mute their TV. We are all the same after all.

3. Mother Teresa and her motherly attitude towards the world’s people: It is a characteristic of mothers that they love their children no matter what, that they support their children though all the world be against them. Rameez has this attitude towards the Pakistani team. Whether it is his claim that Inzamam is as good as Tendulkar or his claim that fast bowlers like Irfan Pathan are found in every nook and corner of Pakistan, Rameez has the vital motherly trait of blinding himself to the faults and magnifying the good qualities 100 times.

4. Martin Luther King, and his ability to make his speeches epic: Every one of MLK’s speeches had a dozen quotable, inspirational lines. His sentences were carefully crafted to be meaningful and remain memorable even after half a century. Rameez Raja has the same trait. When he says things like ‘It we have a Super Over then super things can happen’, you know you have heard the most epic line of all time, something that will be quoted and requoted in the year 2200 A.D.

5. Elie Wiesel and his atheism: Many Nobel Peace Prize winners do not believe in God. Neither does our candidate. Rameez Raja has been heard saying, as recently as a few days ago, about none other than Sachin “He must have changed his hairstyle for one of his modelling assignments”. Surely this means he does not believe in the God of the cricketing world, and is a confirmed atheist.

6. Wangari Maathai and her efforts towards reproductive health: As part of her contributions towards sustainable development in Kenya, Wangari Maathai reduced the population growth rate by promoting healthy reproductive practices.

Rameez has this one covered as well. In the recent India-Pak match, he said: “Hafeez is pushing smoothly. His partner Jamshed is satisfied today.” Surely this must mean he is doing everything possible to reduce Pakistan’s population, even to the extent of imposing homosexuality. It is because he is an enlightened being and knows that the average of one child per couple must be maintained for prosperity in the nation.

Support my campaign! Rameez Raja for the Nobel Peace Prize 2012! Watch this space; we will soon launch A. Raja’s bid for the Nobel, now that R. Raja has been taken care of.