Saturday, November 18, 2006

But apparently, according to Paramount Pictures, I'm not deemed a 'respected member' of the film critic circuit. Whatever, biotches. I don't care, I got me a trailer to review and I'm gonna break it down for ya now, sweet seconds at a time.

0.00 R rated. Mention of brief sexual images. We've peaked too soon, haven't we?0.02 Shot of the Golden Gate Bridge. Just so we know where we are - San Francisco, fyi.0.14 The Zodiac appears to have quite childish handwriting. I'm not sure how relevant this is.0.15 Jake has got away with having to wear only moderately bad 70's clothing.0.23 Jake is belittled by some bit part actor. Blacklisted.0.34 The Zodiac might be a paedophile. Not good.0.44 Jake likes killing people..oh wait, the Zodiac likes killing people. Figures.0.52 Jake likes him some Sudoko - this cartoon will never get finished.0.54 Someone needs to call in Lieutenant Dan 'cos there is like, 500 suspects.1.00 Robert Downey Jnr looks like a cop who makes his own rules.1.09 Jake is a Eagle Scout, 1st class...hee, hee, hee! What's an Eagle scout? Like a beaver scout?1.15 Robert Downey Jnr insults Jake. Blacklisted.1.28 Jake climbs tree and peers in Mark Ruffalo's window. Yeah, we've all been there.1.29 Mark Ruffalo busts Jake for climbing his tree and peering in his window.1.34 Chloe whatshername bitches about Jake's face being on TV. Shut up.1.38 Jake gets a phone call with heavy breathing...er...1.44 Yay! 70's car with cherry light! Fingers crossed for a Daisy Duke bonnet slide, people.1.45 Robert Downey Jnr does not look like a cop you could trust.1.47 It gets better! 70's music! Bink bink bow!1.50 Something about squirrels.1.55 The Zodiac rings Jake, they've obviously formed a bond that we're not at this stage privy to.1.58 The Zodiac can give you a lift to the train station. See, not all serial killers are self-involved.2.13 There is definately someone else in that house.2.18 Rounding up with some blues music - nice!2.22 Coming soon. It better be.

PS - If anyone out there can sort of make videos please email us because we have a small project to complete. We'll pay you in sherbert lemons.

85 comments:

Anonymous
said...

See this is why I can't go 1 day without coming here to check the latest news. They've got reviews on upcoming movies but YOU'RE the only one even talking about this one. You are way ahead of the game.

I can see why you want to blacklist some of the participants (bad mouthing Jake does not make friends with us huh ;)

And I can see Jake being an Eagle scout ;) just look at that innocent look he has. or was that terrified. And of course someone has to be in the house there always is. Otherwise it would be a waste of some FINE scared looks that Jake gives.

anyway I can't wait to see this movie, I wish I had some clips to give ya but can I still have the lemon sherbet?

I loved this. lol Two things I noticed they used some faintly Donnie Darko music in the beginning of the trailer and Jake sounds like Bubble Boy in the movie.

This fucking thing is gonna rock my socks isnt' it? What's awesome is that Jake is espionaging with preggo Reese as we speak so we won't have to go through the terrible drought that 2006 was in terms of Jake movies. *happy sigh*

BPB, that heavy breathing call... I thought they'd edit me out....BTW: are there any shower scens in this movie? I mean, it would seem that Jake's character ought to get overwrought and stressed and need the hydro-therapy...lots of it.

Chloe is his wife, right? I wonder if the sexual scenes refer to him being a good husband...which would mean having sex with Chloe...I guess that's why they call it acting...they should have cast Natalie...

An Eagle Scout is the highest rank in the Boy Scout system. It's quite an honor if you make it to Eagle Scout; it takes a LOT of work. I've only known one Eagle Scout and I wish I could remember more of what he had to do to make it...I didn't know there were classes though. This was sort of an unhelpful answer.

Even if Jake wasn't in this movie, I'd still be way excited to see it.

Yay, I'm not the only one who is interested in analysing the trailer! You can check out my review here:http://www.postmoderncritic.com/analysis-of-brand-new-zodiac-trailer/

Re: Jake looking like a racoon, I couldn't agree more... He looks like a timid yet perky creature who has been thoughtfully wrapped in 70s textiles to shield his sensitive skin from those cold, cold SF nights. (It may be in California, but the Bay Area gets really chilly at night!) lol

Oh god, Anneka your comment about Jake popping out of the filing cabinet mixed with the kaydee's observation that he looked like a racoon has set me off on a peel of laughter that brought water to my eyes.

I think the other Zodiac movie, with Justin Chambers is out on DVD. I think I'll rent it just to familiarize myself with the story line and so forth, bcz when this one comes out I don't want to be bothered with keeping up with the basic story line...I'll be watching Jake and all the various "nuances."

^ Oh Pussy just go see "Casino Royale" the Bond movie.Daniel Craig has reenacted Cina's famous bathing suit picture.Seafood is healthy for you. Don't be bitter they didn't call you back to the screen,...Judi Dench is on an unstoppable role.Queen...now Bond...she's be your next Prime Minster before you realize it!

^ Exactly Cina. If I was Ursula Andress,I would be very upset.Pussy was never given the bikini scenes, due to the requirements of many aerosol cans of hairspray which her "do" required.As soon as Pussy's head became wet it was disastrous.No, she had to remain dry and land bound.

^^^ Squall, I was thinking the same thing about Jake's voice!!! He has "bubble boy" voice in the trailer. lol He sounds soooooooo young still. Come on, he's almost 26 years old; I want him to start sounding a little gruffer. But that's just me. I also voted for Wolverine Jake. ;)

"I think the comment about the squirrels is made because there are squirrels in the freezer. I might be wrong but it seems so to me. Gagh!! The Zodiac must be really a bad scarey guy."Where else would you put your squirrel?

Thank you Britpop for a review of the Zodiac trailer. You keep me sane!

And Jake very much resembles a racoon who appeared at my screen door one night standing on his hind legs wanting food.

Eagle Scout: the Boy Scouts of America by the way has been notoriously anti-gay. Eagle is highest ranking. Has to have something like twenty one merit badges, or something.

Not that you need to know this but(quote, from BSA site): Merit badges signify the mastery of certain Scoutcraft skills, as well as helping boys increase their skill in an area of personal interest. Of the 120 merit badges available, 21 must be earned to qualify for Eagle Scout. Of this group, 12 badges are required, including First Aid, Citizenship in the Community, Citizenship in the Nation, Citizenship in the World, Communications, Environmental Science, Personal Fitness, Personal Management, Camping, and Family Life. In addition, a Scout has a choice between Emergency Preparedness and Lifesaving and a choice among Cycling, Hiking, and Swimming

Okay, it's been more than 6 hours since I left my message about laughing inappropriately at the movies when the "raccoon coming out of the drawer" part comes, and I am still laughing out loud when the page loads and that picture appears. I love it!

Actually, that looks like a long olive drab cardboard file folder that Jake is holding on to. He doesn't look raccoonish to me at all. Anyone familiar with scouting would know that that is the exact look of an Eagle Scout who finds himself in serious disress and is right that very moment, summoning up all his skills and knowledge, going through the catalogue of his merit badges and trying to determine the very best application of his achievements in service to tracking down the Zodiac killer. He is probably regretting the fact that he spent an inordinate amount of time earing his cycling badge and not nearly enuf on things to do with self defense, or building a campfire or determining which beeltes had the most nutritional value.

As difficult as it might seem to stray off this topic of, naked Jake straddling a really ugly chair, it's early morning here on the East Coast of the US and I am watching an old movie. Montgomery Clift has just flashed a big beautiful smile in "A Place in the Sun." Does anyone else see how much these two men are alike? Jake and Monty I mean. Jake would be so great in the remakes of all of Montgomery Clift's roles. Can't imagine who could replace Elizabeth Taylor, but Jake has that seething contained, sexual energy like Monty, and that body and face of his, those beautiful eyes, yes they are so alike. I am surprised a studio hasn't suggested it. They do love to remake.

Yes, he does look like a raccoon. This is nearly the exact posture those animals assume when they are peering up out of a garbage pail, with one's flashlight shining right in their eyes. Only Jake looks far more earnest. That's where the Eagle Scout part comes in. Like he's gonna cross his heart & swear something on the Eagle Scout manual.

Mpom - I would love to see Jake do a remake of A Place In The Sun. I just don't know of an actress that could do Elizabeth Taylor justice. To watch Montgomery Clift and Liz together was one of the most stunning combinations in movie history. Next to Liz and Paul Newman in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. She was just amazing when she was young. Now we have the amazing Jake and no actress that comes close to him!

and in reference to the "Jake the Snake" question ... there's a pro wrestler who was named Jake the Snake and if I am not mistaken, he carried a big python or boa or something around ... I think. Maybe.

Animal Jake Reminds me of: Any manner of small cute woodland creature when he's doing his sensitive eyes as see in that screen cap and in the SNIT scene of BBM. Also when he's just being himself tromping around swanky parts of town he reminds me of A Sexy Beast!

Someone mentioned Snakes on a Plane. I have an inordinant infatuation with the band The Academy Is, Cobra Starship, and Gym Class Heroes. All of these bands lent a member to the Snakes on the Plane title song and they are the slashiest bandslash that ever existed in the continuum of time. They kiss. They cuddle. They hug. They grope. One of them smells one of the other one's hair all the time. It's wild.

Just thought I'd share because I know we have some slash fans in the house. :o)

Cina! Natalie Portman and Jake in a remake of A Place In The Sun would be genius!!!! I've read the Theodore Dreiser book and if they redo it and adhere to the novel instead of the truncated Hollywood version we got with Elizabeth and Montgomery Clift it would be spectacular. And the themes it hit on: his parents were urban missionaries obsessed with God and he was driven by an obsession with material success. For me, the hard part would be casting someone to play the Shelley Winters role. And honestly? I think someone like Michelle Williams would be great. Except she'd have to do love scenes with Jake...talk about awkward? Maybe she could get guidance from Heath! LOL!

What do you think of Alexa Davalos as a possibility for the Elizabeth Taylor role? She's got the eyes, but she is quite a bit taller...5' 8". But Jake's tall, so it could work. ;) I like your idea for re-makes. :)

I like the idea of Michelle Williams Ledger playing the Shelly Winters part, and Natalie Portman the Liz T. Part in A Place in the Sun. We'd really have something to blog on about then. Wonder how hard it would be to get the word out to some studio. Could this be a mission for the JW Agents? Hmmm.

Then I would like him to star in the remake of The Hieress, another of my Montgomery Clift favorites. He's never done a period movie. Jake would look great dressed up in something Victorian or Edwardian. He has the looks, he has the talent but does he have the desire.

Here I am dreaming of future pictures and I can't even see Zodiac. And that one's already made.

Ok, I guess I can go with Natalie Portman and Michelle Wiliams to round out the cast of the remake of A Place In The Sun. And to see Jake play another kind of less than admirable guy and don the clothing from a long ago era, there is The Heiress which Montgomery Clift made with Olivia de Haviland.

Since we're pitching remakes here, I 'd like to lighten things up a bit. There was a delightful remake of The Philadelphia Story (Kate Hepburn & Cary Grant) which was turned into a musical with songs by Cole Porter, and called High Society Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra). Since Jake said he could sing and he told Conan he loved show tunes, let's get him to do a remake of High Society...with Natalie in the Grace Kelly role.

Love this site. We circle the globe because the comments go on night and day.

Kaydee's animal summary gets a big LOL. The JW 5 & dime should sell a stuffed animal named Jake. Maybe a leopard. A snake might be too reminiscent of the unfortunate pics of Jake getting out of the cab. You know, the "Gyllengigglepants" set of photos. On second thought, given our decadent sense of humor a snake might be perfect.

Snake is very symbolic though. We are way too sophisticated here at JW to bother ourselves with those vulgar gyllengigglepants pictures, but a snake is a symbol of so many things and so well described in poetry:

He drank enoughAnd lifted his head, dreamily, as one who has drunken,And flickered his tongue like a forked night on the air, so black,Seeming to lick his lips,And looked around like a god, unseeing, into the air

Lifting his head dreamily and flicking his tongue is so Jake.

I know I shouldn’t because I will feel ashamed of myself again, but Dickinson wrote:

A narrow Fellow in the GrassOccasionally rides – You may have met Him —did you notHis notice sudden is –The Grass divides as with a Comb – A spotted shaft is seen –

Okay, perhaps I’m not that sophisticated, but I couldn’t help myself with the spotted shaft… (spotted like a leopard).

our fearless leaders seem to have abandoned us - and i'm feeling naughty when unsupervised :P

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