Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

11 March 2014

Walking to the old growth, where everybody knows your name.

Hola Otterpop! You look full. Did you just fill up with shaved porcini, rocket, and brioche crumbs on chrysantemum blood sesame sausage with sunchokes? Cheddar can be added, but not just any cheddar. Fiscalini cheddar, that somebody's mom smuggled in from a secret Marin cheesery that's run by some realtors on the lam from Nevada. It's not clear where the vegans stand on this topic. Vegans are so 2011, so the rennet and blood may not be an issue.

It's all about priorities.

The cheesery is a speakeasy. Where you need to know the password to get your cage free, free range, range rover organic spirits. Terri Gross let it slip on NPR, and I'm pretty sure New York Mag was sprouting it out all over the internet as well. If you have soft gray hair, a soft gray voice, and a Patagonia jacket, you already know the password. Whisper it to your friends, woven baskets laid gently across their arms, gliding through the farmer's market. See them? Just beyond the banjo guys.

Banjos. So 2012.

Here we are in yoga class. Down dog. Everybody goes, down in the gulch. Everybody in our neighborhood queues up to get in, waiting for the teacher with the tattoos on his feet. Everybody in our neighborhood has a tattoo. Not necessarily on your foot, though, right neighbor? Have you noticed this on the Westside? We all got the same haircut in 2013.

Everything used to be so hard. We had to teach our dogs to jump in the barn aisle over brooms, throwing hunks of shepherd size milkbones into the air. Now it's all online and everyone is doing it. This makes blending super easy! Use colors that match your outfit. Remember that it's Bohemian to wear white past Labor Day these days. Use the smallest brush, and apply thin coats until it appears luminous. Smudge with a kleenex. Jaakko between 5-6, or just use the effen post turn.

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.