tender joe

Hello! Did you miss us? YES YOU DID! We apologize for having abandoned you right when you needed us most — Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend is clearly a time to be inside, on your computer, yelling at Your Wonket. Apparently some of you tried going outside? But we hear you didn’t like it. Here, to make up for our terrible absence, is a gift from us to you, and that is Old Handsome Joe Biden telling a sad terrible story to families of murdered troops.

Rebecca is the owner, editrix and publisher of Wonkette. She was in newspapers for a very long time. Follow her on the Twitter. She is currently on maternity leave (until 2033), so you didn't just read this post.

I weep in seconding that emotion, BeccaLou. Mainly because I'm toasted, but, yeah.

Barb

I almost bought some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia at the store today because I was thinking of you. Jeff wanted Drumsticks instead.

Barb

Oh, for the love of Christ, hold me please!

The man who lives behind me is a cameraman in Hollywood and only comes to his house here 2 days a year. I just went to take the sheets off the bed and I opened the balcony window curtains and dude is outside in his robe with his legs opened and I just saw his man thing!

Why would anyone need to tan their penis? Luckily, I must have missed the part where he rubbed suntan lotion on it. I am gonna puke!

There goes the neighborhood.

Barb

I went to the intercom and said, "Yo, Free Willie, put on some pants. Some of us are trying to eat our McNuggets here." Then it dawned on me that the other houses don't have intercom systems and he knows I am the one who did it.

I even practiced it without the southern drawl. It sounded kinda German and manly.

HistoriBarb

Your life is so much more interesting than mine …

Barb

Nah, now I am just making potato salad. Sometimes I go back to being dull.

Geez, sometimes the WHOLE buncha gay boys in our circle would come up to our house to lie on the deck and sun all nekky because it's so high up no one can see them out there. Those screaming queens would have been *scandalized* to think anyone might have seen their twelve inches of man-meat. Send him over to my neighbourhood. With any luck, the turkey vultures will get 'im.

Butch_Wagstaff

"Geez, sometimes the WHOLE buncha gay boys in our circle would come up to our house to lie on the deck and sun all nekky because it's so high up no one can see them out there."

Ah, the memories I have…
My partner says that most of the summer pool parties he attended involved all the fat queens gawking at the skinny queens who decided get into the pool all nekky.
I told him the some of the best sex I ever had was in a pool.
He said that was gross.
I told him that it wasn't a PUBLIC pool.
I have some standards, ya know.

Srsly. Sex ANYwhere except in a public pool. Kids POOP in those things.

We haven't had one of those parties in forever, since we all got too old and uh, weightsome. You have NEVER seen such bodyconscious folks as aging queens. Besides, with our weather these days, you might just get a mid-June thunderstorm while trying to erase those thong tanlines (not us, dear, the cute young things).

bagofmice

Was it morning? For him I mean.Because some people don't give a hoot until they finish waking up.

I pretty much don't give a hoot any time, but I try not to wave my icky bits in anyone ELSE's face, if I can help it.

LionHeartSoyDog

It's called fresh air and sunshine.
Mother Nature tells me it is not a sin.

AutomaticPilot

Indeed. This Memorial Day weekend, let us stop and reflect on what this holiday is all about: Rebecca selflessly sacrificing her free time (& perhaps sexytime?) to keep us entertained, so we don't have to get up from our Hoverounds.

Dr. Nick Riviera

I love our benevolent overlord, Rebecca. And I will sign up for her terror army whenever she wants us to overthrow gawker

edit: I can also probably stop flooding Becca's (it's "Becca", she replied in an email as such… JEALOUS?) email inbox with stuff about how they broke the blog.

commiegirl

Thank you, Barb, and all my dear ones! I was planning on a few posts today — three maybe — but I have had to take an extra gig to make MUNNEEZ and I have been working on it for 8 hours now and am like 1/5 done. May I humbly ask you guys to click on some ads sometimes if you love teh site? Not in an obsessive compulsive way — they will get Sadz if they think we are trying to cheat — but maybe an ad or two in a day?

I love all of you,
Beccalou

Steverino247

I've already met my meat, but I will click on the others.

rickmaci

Twice a day, promise.

Dr. Nick Riviera

I will occupy this album!

chascates

I guess just clicking on that brings you bread? Consider it done, dear lady!

Butch_Wagstaff

If I click enough will that make you a bajillionare like the Donald? And will you start paying people who comment?
(Not that I need the dough or anything, I was just askin'–y'know, just putting that idea out there for ya).

Srsly, Beccalou, you can dial back a bit on the output HERE, yaknow. We're used to Ken and Jim throwing us bits of raw meat a couple times a day, if that. I've been doing my bit for Wonketz, and will do more as needed. Wish I could pay you Munnies. That's the one thing I don't have lots of.

Rebecca, have a good weekend–we'll be here after you go outside and have some fun. (Those of us who are stuck indoors can watch the hawt Fred Karger beach video again…fap fap…)

M. Szyslak

Brought a tear to me eye. That man COULD be president.

NorthStarSpanx

And then an index card studying Palin would not respond to Biden's emotional display, instead offering a variation of a line she uses throughout her career. "People aren't looking for more of the same," she said. "They are looking for change. And I have been the consummate maverick in the political landscape over all these years."

FakaktaSouth

HEY! I DID go outside! It IS SkinnyDippingSaturday, no? I think by law you are required to do that from outside. My god it is so fucking hot. Happy Memorial Day Weekend Joe Biden! Y'all really should come outside – you see the damnedest things!

HistoriBarb

Skinny Dipping Saturday?? Why does no one ever tell me about these things ahead of time??

CivicHoliday

See now, I guess I should have taken the hint from my toddler and just jumped on into that baby pool in my skivvies. Instead I sat in a damn lawn chair sticky as Paula Deen's fingers.

CivicHoliday

Ugh yes the disappearing posts did in fact force me outside, but it is 97 degrees and humid here in St. Louis, so unlike my 2-year old who can run around the backyard naked, I got very sweaty. Thanks alot, Bex, I was just forced to interact with my child like a normal summer-type person.

V572 Barb

Now I can breathe again. Thanks for coming back, Rebecca.

That Joe, he's got the emotional component Hopey lacks, or is afraid to display. Loved his "They don't get us" speech. Can you imagine Mittens saying that? His would be more in the vein of "They're not like us."

Boojum

Has anyone read the Romney Diary on Daily Kos? It is a scream. It always starts,

"Hello, human Diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better."

Hera Sent Me

Democrats see dead soldiers as heroes who tragically had to die because of the imperfection of our country's policies.

Republicans see dead soldiers as minor negative entries on our national balance sheet.

littlebigdaddy

Mittbott thinks all dead soldiers are the right height.

miss_grundy

They use dead soldiers as props so they can thump their chests and call themselves "patriots" but secretly, they think anyone who serves is a sucker.

didgen

I read that as entities, had to go back to reread. Republicans would never see them as living.

Boojum

Oh, they may see them as living. They just wouldn't consider that to be positive.

HistoriBarb

"Negative entities? You don't have to provide veteran's benefits to dead soldiers.

Steverino247

No, but the 400K in SGLI payoff puts a dent in things. The best of all possible worlds for them is to give a lump sum payout to a service member low in rank and time in service with a disability rating too low to retire him but high enough so you can dump him/her out of the service because they can't perform their job.

Dashboard Buddha

"Republicans see dead soldiers as minor negative entries on our national balance sheet."

Are you kidding? Every dead GI is a GI that won't need long term medical care and rehabilitation.

SorosBot

It's too damned humid and stuffy to go outside right now around here; I don't want to get drenched in sweat.

Coul(te)rophobe. Besides, *I'm* not the clown, it's the underlying MittBorg that's the fucking clown. Is it just me or is he getting worse? Come back, dammit, it's hard to have a friendly conversation with a retreating back.

C_R_Eature

I'm back. Clowns disturb me. You know this. I'm working on it though, and watching things like This.
Oddly, Bozo's the only clown that doesn't immediately provoke my Fight or Flight response.
Mittens is getting worse – it's not just you. I think the pressure of trying to maintain human form in public is really getting to him and one day he's going to explode into his bizarre and disgusting natural form in front of everybody. A spontaneous peristaltic chain reaction will ensue.

Confession time: As a kid, I howled my eyes out everytime I saw a clown. Parents were ready to start springing for a shrink by the time I flat-out refused to ever go again. And I'm sorry, but Bozo didn't help. The only clowns that don't seem to scare me are the photoshopped politicians and that lady who likes to do clown porn, what's her name, Doctor Ducky Dolittle? I'd freak, but she has great tits, and I never could resist a stunning pair of tits.

ETA: Yeah, Mittens. His new stance on birtherism. Barf me.

Butch_Wagstaff

The only clown that never disturbed me was "Grandma" performed by Barry Lubin of the Big Apple Circus. It's a sweet & funny character, imo.

C_R_Eature

As highlights go, Here is not a bad place at all to be. Smart people play here and there's fun to be had. It's all yours – and ours.

Rotundo_

True that, tomorrow is supposed to be warmer still, I'll be laying in stocks of ice and beverages early tomorrow and watching Indy in a cool dark room.

PuckStopsHere

Okay, now you are just piling on. You are (I will say it again) killing us here. And now none of us boys can go outside. One cannot leave the house when one is sporting this kind of major wood, That's just the nature of polite society. As an aside, is every Saturday skinny-dipping Saturday?

FakaktaSouth

It used to be like white shoes – only after Easter and til Labor Day. But now, thanks to global warming, it's pretty much year round. It's more'n 94 degrees at 4pm. Just imagine.

Schmannnity

Joseph Biden–our generation's LBJ (in a good way) without the pathologies.

I think it was Eric Severeid who in one of his books related the tale of driving around the LBJ ranch with the president, who pulled over the jeep to take a leak. Someone in the party jokingly asked if the president if he was worried about rattlesnakes, at which LBJ turned around, shook his wiener and crowed, "This is the only rattler you've got to worry about around here!"

C_R_Eature

When he was President he really missed the opportunity to establish a National Johnson Day.

Thanks, Rebecca, for posting Joe Biden's speech. I caught this on the re-air of Rachel's show early this morning and was all ready to link to it in the previous post, if the site didn't come up.

I think that everyone who's lost someone they love or knows anybody who has should see this and take comfort. Joe's words surely have helped me, and it really is good to see at least one national political figure with any measure of empathy.

To echo redarmyzombie, I am grateful that Joe Biden's our VP now, instead of that evil self-absorbed sociopath who previously disgraced the office. For all the criticisms that we can lay on this administration, we can't say that they don't care.

Remember when the Wingnut Rabidity Index kicked up a few thousand notches after Bammerz mentioned that he wanted a SCOTUS jurist who was empathetic? It's nice to know about half our country is sociopaths.

C_R_Eature

Oh yes, I remember such legal luminaries as Orrin Hatch taking to the floor of the US Senate and holding forth on the terrible character flaw that is Empathy.
Goddamn, these awful jackasses can't die off fast enough for me.

I wonder what Mittens will say when his 5 sons get back from Afghanistan? Oh yeah right;fighting,and dying for your country is for the poor,and the middle class.Tell your boys the American people said"Thanks for nothing."

The Times also details just how helpful Biden has been to MBNA and the credit card industry. The senator was a key supporter of an industry-favorite bill—the “Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005”—that actually made it harder for consumers to get protection under bankruptcy.

They're all whores. Ours are just a better class of whores. And, much as it might bother you to hear it, we all need something to hold on to and comfort ourselves with periodically after a decade of some pretty shitty stuff.

Since it is warped in my favor, I will let it rest, except to say there are many good reasons for military service which don't involve God or Country in the slightest; just trust me on that, but again, thanks.

cheetojeebus

I was hoping for a scandal involving a hairless dog, two gallons of chilli and Miitt and Palin exploring their sensitive side.
But i guess this will do.

I remember when I first moved to this area over 30 years ago. It took me so long to learn the weather patterns and planting times. And just when I got it all perfect … ka-blooey, the weather has upside-downed itself. At least I hadn't put the okra in. They HATE the cold. It's in the low 50s outside, and will drop into the mid-40s tonight. Back to store-bought cukes, I guess. (Snivel!)

not that Radio

I planted some grass seed last September. It sprouted, then died in the 100-year blizzard we got first week of December. If I had planted in March, the sproutlings would be scorched in the 105 deg June weather.

That 5 days of continuous rain managed to saturate the ground and come in under the wall and soak little Suzie's carpet. I caulked the shit out of it when we repainted her room for her birthday last weekend. Usually we get 2 hours of rain every day between July and September, and that's it. Ordinarily it doesn't come through the roof or under the floors.

Poor Little Suzie notthatRadio! In her short life she's seen nothing but unusual weather. I suppose that becomes "usual" by default, then.

We had to rip out the hardwood floor and replace it with tile because in one of our so-very-unusual summers of late, the entire hill was saturated and water started moving UP into our floor. Can't have that with thousands of books around.

I mean seriously, don't you think Mitt Romney's extraordinary combat service in Paris deserves at least a few tears as well. I mean the Germans outnumbered the French – and they had tanks!!!

Rotundo_

The number of times he had doors slammed in his face trying to win converts to a religion that expressly bans alcohol, smoking and caffiene in a country that has champagne, gauloises, and demitasses of almost pure caffiene in coffee form must have been traumatic in its own way. Lime jello and Moroni showing Joseph Smith the magic golden plates and glowing rocks and shit must have had them falling all over themselves if they didn't slam the door in his face with a mucus laden spit and a "Va te fair Foudre!" spit out at him as well beforehand.

TribecaMike

My father fought as a Marine in the Korean Conflict (as he always smirkingly called it), and he also felt guilty about "coming home whole." During his first year there, he was a sniper in many perilous engagements, until he became burnt out. In his second year he was a gravedigger, and buried some of his close buddies. It took him forty years to come to terms with that shit.

In the mid-fifties, after graduating from college on the GI Bill, he joined the Air Force, in which he served honorably and proudly as an NCO for 25 years. He was a helluva guy, beloved by all who knew him for, among many other qualties, his dry wit and nerves of steel gained from growing up in dire poverty during the Depression and in battle. The son of a Steelworkers Union organizer in central Massachusetts, for a military man he was also quite progressive, and in 1972 wore a McGovern Million Member button under the lapel of his uniform, and an avid reader of social-democratic literature. He also collected first editions of beat poets, Gregory Corso being his favorite. He was the exact opposite of the "Great Santini" and "American Beauty" cliches about stern and psychopathic military folk. He liked his work and i many ways his work defined him, but he was nobody's pushover. For one thing, he had a healthy disregard, to put it mildly, for the officer class so adored by the press. (When's the last time you saw a retired Tech Sergeant interviewed on "Meet The Press"? Ain't gonna happen.)

For two years running, dad was on the Arizona state dart championship team, one of who's members was the actor Lee Marvin, a WWII Marine vet and another liberal cat. What I wouldn't give to once again watch those two expert scotch drinkers hilariously spreading the bull during a lovely Tucson sunset.

Thanks for your words, Joe, and thanks to all who serve, not least my nieces and nephews who for whatever godawful reasons are away in faraway lands, and not here clinking glasses with their sappy misty-eyed uncle.

It's OK to be sappy and misty-eyed while contemplating your family members who have served honorably.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Yay. I'm about to go "outside" now (in NYC, that means the stretch between home and subway, and subway and theatre.)
This gives me hope for the future: that after Obama's second term things will continue to get better.

TribecaMike

Ah, the joy of subway air-conditioning! Many times I've hopped a train just to cool off on a hot NYC day or evening. Enjoy the ride and the show.

Several also believe that Biden should not have spoken to the families of service people, since he was personally responsible for the deaths of members of Seal Team Six. (Yeah, I know, I had to google it–the day after the Bin Laden raid, Biden mentioned Seal Team 6, which no one had ever heard of before–unless they read Tom Clancy novels–and that inspired Our Enemies to shoot down a helicopter full of Seals)

C_R_Eature

I have a question:

Just where the fuck are these FEMA Concentration camps the Freepers have been promising us all these years?

TribecaMike

In South Carolina, probably.

Steverino247

Are you fucking kidding me? You can go to any video game store and play games all about SEAL Team 6 (which doesn't even go by that name anymore). They just released a (recruiting ad) movie that features SEAL's, so fuck off.

More Millennial Generation ignorance. These clowns think that taking a picture with a rifle and in a military uniform makes them bad ~ they are fools of the worst kind … female fools. They look like sissy twits. When they are getting the works; after being captured, they'll cry and ask themselves "why did I volunteer for this?"

greywulf1064 22 hours ago

Give them an 85lb ruck, with full combat load and a couple extra bandoleers of ammunition along with some mortar rounds. Then the ability to look at them and say "S.T.F.U and stop whining" Priceless.

bonaventure 22 hours ago

The floodgates of the twisted "human rights" argument have been opened when the fagggs and dykkkes got their free ride.

Problem is, when joining the military, you leave the Constitution at the door…

royalelimo 21 hours ago

I say send the b i t ches to the front line – If they get caught by mus lims they will sing a different tune

True Patriots, all!

TribecaMike

Fun gun facts that the NRA (which was actually pro-gun control for much of it's pre-Reagan administration history) would prefer to ignore: In 1973, around one in two households owned guns. In 2010, it was one in three households. One in three Americans owned a gun in 1980. Now it's one in five.

Butch_Wagstaff

Who are these "mus lims"? Do they share the same philosophy with the "must limbs" and the "must limps"? And are we now at war with them, too?

Should I also be worried about the fagggs and dykkkes? Because we just got new neighbors hear and I'm not shur what they are.

You gotta watch out for them fagggs a-faggging and dykes a-dyking all over the neighbourhood. Sends property values straight to aitch-eee-double-toothpicks. (Not really. Everybody knows when fags and dykes move into a neighbourhood, straightaway property values ROCKET in teh Swish Alps.)

Sounds like they hate the b i t ches a hella lot more than those manly-hipped, firm-rumped Muslim men.

Wile E. Quixote

I'm willing to bet that not a single one of these pieces of shit ever served in the military, just like every single commentator at Fox News. Yeah, let's give Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly some LBE, a K-pot, and an Alice Pack and let them hump the 60 for a while and see how well those bitches do. That shit sucks, which is why I chose to be a tanker and let my weapon carry me rather than have to carry my weapon.

sbj1964

Nobody bought that cover story of Seal team 6 all being killed in a helicopter.They all have new identities,and are still SEMPER Fi !!!! Who did the CIA they think they were fooling?

That speech was worth a huge number of standing ovations. It is hard to imagine anyone doing a better job at such an emotionally charged event.

Doktor StrangeZoom

Hey, you know how we libruls are all acolytes of Saul Alinsky and we worship at the feet of George Soros? There was a link on the Maddow blog that made me aware of New Internet Drama that is in the offing: Apparently, we are all also best buds of some guy named Brett Kimberlin, who many years ago claimed to have sold pot to Dan Quayle and was convicted of something to do with setting off a bomb in Indiana. So today is "Blog about Brett Kimberlin Day," and if you haven't heard about Kimberlin, it's only because THE LEFT IS COVERING UP HIS MANY CRIMES.

C_R_Eature

It must be exhausting to have to search so hard for Evil to be in fear of, and to live with such anger. How long can they keep this up?

And give them shabby care for their ghastly injuries while proclaiming patriotism.

HateMachine

Ironically, I was eating outside at a local pizzeria when the debate liveblog went up and then Wonkette went down. Then I spent all of today inside so far, because fuck the atmosphere in its stupid, gradually warming ass.

So I've had great timing vis a vis the temperature, but terrible timing with respect to the Wonkettes.

Kinda like an irate cockatoo, but thanks for the compliment. This weird chilly weather has the cats all clumping on the covers looking for every erg of body heat they can steal off a chilly, crabby old bird. AWK!

TribecaMike

This past winter seemed like spring, and spring seemed like autumn. The Koch brothers are right: the seasons are a liberal construct.

The Koch brothers wouldn't know a liberal construct if it bit their collective dick off. That aside, I do believe it just rained. A small, local shower. And it's almost June. I'm so glad I'm not long for this earth. I hate to think of what it's going to look like in 40 years.

ttommyunger

I am against lionizing, aggrandizing or verbally trading on our war dead. I have two folded American Flags encased in my den. I am looking at them over my screen as I tap this out. My son is currently on active duty; he holds the Bronze Star and CIB… War, killing and dying are things we men sometimes have to do. I see very little legitimate reason to talk about any of it. I have been trotted out in front of groups to be "honored" on this Holiday from time to time. I suffer it unwillingly and feel used every time. We should feel nothing but regret for the terrible things we sometimes have to do and hope we never have to do them again; but I know that's asking too much, considering…..