WE’RE not looking to pile on Chip Caray, but his command of basic baseball language and concepts is so confused that he’s like traveling by pinwheel.

Friday’s Game 1 of Indians-Red Sox on Fox had ended, so we switched to Rockies-Diamondbacks on TBS, in time to see the last out in the bottom of the second, a strikeout, after which Caray said, “A leadoff double by Tony Clark and then [Ubaldo] Jimenez comes in and starts throwing smoke.”

Huh? Why would the Rockies bring in a reliever up, 1-0, in the second? Did their starter get hurt? And wasn’t Jimenez supposed to start? So now we’re in a sudden rewind mode to find out what Caray was talking about. Why, after Clark led off with a double, would Jimenez “come in”?

Turns out Jimenez had started. He hadn’t come in after the double to Clark. It was just more Chip Caray talk-talk.

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Fox always goes into its “picture storytelling” mode during MLB’s postseason. But the story it chooses to tell is always the same, resulting in the same frustrated response: Does Fox think we tuned in to watch people watching the game?

Friday, the first big moment of Indians-Red Sox had arrived. Score tied at one, bottom third, bases loaded, two out, 3-2 count on Manny Ramirez. But, apparently, we weren’t supposed to be able to recognize this as a big moment without lots of help.

Fox cut to Ramirez, stepping back in. Then Fox cut to a crowd shot. Then to a different crowd shot. Then back to Ramirez. Then to a shot of C.C. Sabathia, already in the stretch. OK, that’s enough; we get the point: tension.

But then back to the crowd for close-up of a fan. By the time we were returned to the game, the pitch already was on the way.

It makes less than no sense. Every October, Fox encourages us to identify it as the network that takes you out to the biggest ballgames – in order to watch people watching them. How come, during these storytelling moments, we never seen fans doing what we’re forced to do? How come we never see people in the stands watching other people in the stands?

Is Fox aware why the seats at ballparks are arranged to face the field, as opposed to, say, one another?

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Great stuff from Tim McCarver, Saturday, with Ramirez up, an 0-2 count: “No other batter in the major leagues is more unaffected with two strikes on him than Manny Ramirez.” On the next pitch, Ramirez homered.

Only wish that afterwards he’d noted that Ramirez stood and watched a ball that didn’t get out by much, especially because Ramirez, when he played for Cleveland in the postseason against Boston, twice stood and admired home runs that hit off the wall.

Strong stuff, too, from ABC sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein. During Wisconsin-Penn State, she reported that PSU tailback Austin Scott was off the team after being charged with an on-campus rape. And she treated the story as news, not a nuisance.

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The Why Bother? Stat/Graphic of the Week: Saturday on CBS, Kentucky, in the third quarter, had a third and eight, which, of course, had nothing to do with any of its previous third-downs against LSU.

But that didn’t prevent CBS from posting a graphic noting that UK’s season-long third-down conversion rate is 50 percent, but 6-for-9 thus far, this game. So UK was way ahead of its usual success rate. Wow. That UK was losing, 24-14, apparently meant nothing.

The rest of the way, Saturday, UK slowed way down to only 3-for-8 on third downs. But won the game.

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At the top of Eagles-Jets, Fox’s Tony Siragusa said Donovan McNabb should do well against the Jets’ “three-man front.” In the third quarter, Siragusa said the Jets, “Love when people write about the three-man front because we’ve seen very little of it today.” When people write about it, huh?

Siragusa and play-by-player Matt Vasgersian on the same telecast made for an XFL reunion. In the 2001 XFL on NBC opener, Siragusa was brought in to curse NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue over the p.a. system. Vasgersian was Vince McMahon‘s/NBC’s first XFL play-by-player, dutifully adding vulgar commentary.

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Stay on the field! Fox missed Chad Pennington‘s second quarter, second-and-one sneak to a Vikes-Bears highlight . . . ESPN 1050 has dropped St. John’s basketball. WFAN may pick it up . . . Good thing Saturday’s Indians-Red Sox began early – 8 p.m. – or it might’ve ended late. At 6-6 after nine innings, it was 12:45 a.m. Crazy . . . Ex-ESPNews anchor Kirk Gimenez has joined SNY.

With Game 1 of Rockies-D’Backs ending when Arizona’s Miguel Montero was thrown out trying to stretch a hit, reader Bob Olsen wonders if that’s a walk-off single or a walk-off out.