I had been hesitant in this decision, unsure of how it would affect my pet monkey, Chip Dip. I didn’t want him to feel any jealousy, or as if my attention would now be focused on the new pet.

After much consideration and after some counseling and reassurance with Chip Dip, I went through with the purchase.

I arrived home, anxious as to how Chip Dip would take the new addition.

I opened the door to see the living room covered in streamers and balloons, with a banner reading “Welcome Back.” I smiled, proudly. The monkey had decorated my place, orchestrating a warm welcome for the dog.

“Chip Dip, I’ve underestimated…” I thought, but then, suddenly, an ex-girlfriend walked around the corner. The monkey had passive-aggressively made her believe I wanted to get back together.

“CHIP DIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “YOU’VE COMPLICATED A CLEAN BREAKUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I chased the monkey around my house for 45 minutes until he finally hopped on the back of the dog, kicked his heels into the dog’s side and rode off into the sunset.

I scoured the neighborhood, looking for the pair for hours. Finally, it got dark and I decided it best to return home.

I walked through the door to find my ex had left, but Chip Dip and the dog were home. Chip Dip walked up to me, guiltily handing me a card.

It read “I’m sorry.”

“Well, Chip Dip,” I said, “I guess I can see how you might act out in this situation….”

All of the sudden, the dog dashed up and snatched the “I’m sorry” card out of my hands with his teeth and ran off down the sidewalk in the direction of my ex’s house.