Welcome! An Indian-American's opinions on the world, especially feminism. Warning: I refuse to sugarcoat opinions and ideas, so beware!

Monthly Archives: April 2013

Are we overly critical? Do many of us fall into a pattern of seeing ourselves in a negative light? Do we talk about ourselves in ways that are mostly self-deprecating? According to this video, many of us do that. And I can’t help but wonder: How did we get here? And how do we stop it?

When I was younger, just before that pre-teen age when kids seemingly begin to be aware of what society says is beautiful and ugly, I was made to believe that I was ugly. And I think I believed it for a long time. Granted, everyone has an awkward stage, right? But the reality of our childhood is that those experiences affect who we become in our adulthood. For the record, I no longer think I’m ugly; I know I am not ugly. But especially as a woman, it seems that we’re not allowed to…

The first thing my friend did when she told me about her abortion was laugh. She met me where I was waiting for her in the park, and she just laughed. At first I thought it was nervous laughter, the slight giggle that comes when you’re not really sure what else to do. But I saw she was smiling, and I realized that this was the real thing. In a society where abortion is such a contentious and emotionally charged issue, my friend just looked at me and laughed, and when she clutched her tummy I wasn’t sure whether I should be concerned or amused. But she seemed fine. It was over now.

“So,” I said hesitantly, through her laughter. “How… was it?”

She paused for a second, wiping mascara away from the crook of her eye with a pinky. “Oh my God,” she told me, “it was the most…

It’s easy to feel conflicted about chivalry, as we’ve come to understand it. It can feel outdated, condescending, even infantilizing. And it’s true that, for many men who engage in what they perceive to be “gentlemanly behavior,” it is simply a means to an end. Either they believe that women are inherently a weaker sex more in need of help executing basic tasks, or they assume that enough “nice” gestures piled up one after the other will inevitably result in sex. And neither of these perceptions are healthy; neither of them are accurate or positive, especially when reproduced on a societal scale.

But there is another kind of chivalry — one that is perhaps too different from the heavily abused social concept we’ve come to know to be called by the same name — which is not unhealthy. It’s not selfish, or condescending, or demeaning of women. It doesn’t expect…

1. “Chivalry is dead.”

I consider myself a male feminist; I have no issue with the idea women are as capable as men in nearly any tasks. Giving birth is where I may draw the line; you gals are rocking that. However, it is often impossible not to hear some women impart standards upon men when they cry out against even the slightest disregard of inequality which goes their way across the fence. This oft-quoted line could often be pointed towards any person (chivalry applying to both sexes), but it is more often than not a complaint against men who do not pull out chairs, do not carry all the bags, or do not pay for the entirety of a date. So you want a man who treats you with standards imparted by a patriarchal culture? How about a man who wants a woman to quit her job, pump out…

You. You’re my only blocked person on Facebook. You’re a boy (though not the only one) who has sent me pictures of your unmentionables. I didn’t send a smiley face back because why would I and also, were you trying to remind me?

Because wait, are you ready for this jelly? You raped me.

It’s April and I’m thinking that now is a good time to tell my story because if I do then maybe someone else will too. Even though I’m still not brave enough to put my name on this piece.

I’ve spent a lot of time hearing other people’s stories and more time still feeling that mine wasn’t really rape and hating myself for feeling that way too. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I could’ve done differently and what I should’ve done differently. I still tell myself that I could’ve not gone up…