For the first time in my life, I finally felt safe. Being able to relax and just
enjoy myself was a luxury life had never offered me until now. So much had
changed, I could barely take it all in. I was about to turn 14 and I'd spent the
last few weeks living with Foster Parents, Rod and Sue

. It was Rod that I was closest to; he always seemed to know what to say. From
the first time I met him, he'd wrapped his arms around me, whilst I cried then
told me softly that I was safe that everything would be all right. He spent more
time with me than the other kids and they didn't seem to mind.

We went shopping together and he bought me new clothes, stood patiently smiling
as I tried everything on, and then told me how beautiful I looked to him. No one
had ever said that to me before and I blushed He said he was so proud to have me
as a daughter, even told me I could call him Dad.
It was all like a dream, too good to be true, I had no idea that everything
would soon change.

I remember the day clearly, I sat in the front seat of his car and we drove off
to spend the day together. He was taking me for a hike through a rainforest,
which was something I'd never seen. I was excited and happy, life couldn't get
much better. We stopped along the way and bought some sandwiches and cakes, we
were going to have a picnic lunch in the forest together.

All the way there we talked, I talked mainly and he listened. He told me how
mature and grown I was for my age, what a beautiful young lady I was turning in
to. I blushed a little and he placed his gentle hand under my chin holding my
face up to his. He smiled and I saw so much love in his eyes. I started to cry
and he whispered softly, "don't cry baby," choking back the tears I told him I
wished he was my real dad. He lifted his hand to my face and stroked my hair and
smiled one of his big loving smiles. I stopped crying and smiled back at him, I
was so lucky to have him as a Foster Father.

As the car pulled into the parking bay I stared out the window excitedly,
everything was so green, so lush, and so beautiful. This was so much better than
what I'd seen in magazines and on T.V. I could barely wait to get out of the car
and when I did the sounds of the forest and the crisp mountain air made me feel
so alive all I could do was smile.
Rod put on his backpack, slipped his hand in mine as he always did when we went
walking and we set off on the hiking trail.

"You like it here baby, he said,"I do too. I know a special place not far from
here. It's off the track a bit though. There's a little waterfall and a clearing
were we could sit and have lunch. I promise I wont get us lost," "I'd love that,
lets go."I said. And in a rush with Rod holding my hand we headed off the trail
and he led me to his special place.

Didn't take long and I could begin to hear the sounds of a waterfall, Rod took
my hand and whispered, "Close your eyes, I want this to be something you always
remember,"
I closed my eyes trusting in him and held on tightly to his hand.
He led me slowly towards the sound of the waterfall. I was so excited, this was
so much fun. When we were so close that it sounded like I could almost reach out
and feel the spray, he said, "Do you trust me baby? "

With no hesitation I immediately answered "yes" Rod let go of my hand and picked
me gently up into his arms, I giggled not expecting this and asked what he was
doing.
"Trust me," he whispered and continued on walking with me in his arms. "Keep
your eyes closed baby, " Rod gently laid me onto what felt like soft grass. As
he laid me down onto my back I knew something wasn't right, but completely
trusting him I kept my eyes shut.

"Don't open your eyes baby, wait for the surprise," he said. This time I thought
I heard a change in his voice. I waited a few minutes then opened my mouth to
speak to but he placed his hand over my lips then told me "hush be quiet and
don't open your eyes."
He pressed his body down over mine, I could feel his skin his clothes were gone.
He slid one hand up quickly between my legs and at that very moment I wished I
was dead.

I opened my eyes as tears streamed down my cheeks and stared right into his. His
eyes were so dark and cold. He slapped my face real hard and I did what I was
told. I closed my eyes trembling and didn't dare open them again.

His weight was so heavy on me I could barely breathe. It seemed to go on forever
as he grunted and moaned, till finally he collapsed on top of me, leaving me in
a wet mess.
Finally it was over and he raised himself up off me, not knowing what to do I
lay there with my eyes tightly closed.

I wanted to wish this all away, pretend it never happened. Then I heard his
voice, gentle and kind, leaning over me " baby, I'm so sorry" he was crying, " I
just love you so much, I couldn't help it, I'm so sorry, please open your eyes"

I opened my eyes slowly and he picked me up gently and held me in his arms as I
cried. He must have sat there holding me crying for what seemed like hours, and
when I could cry no more tears he kissed my eyes shut. Resting in his arms,
exhausted from what he'd done to me, I was so confused.

He made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone, Said to me if I did he'd go to
jail and I'd be sent to a Girls Home. I wanted to forget and for things to go
back the way they were, but I knew I could never be alone with him again.

I stood in that waterfall that day and tried to wash the smell of him, the
memories and all the pain away. I didn't know then I'd spend the rest of my life
trying to forget. I didn't really understand what he'd done to me. I knew he'd
hurt me and I felt all the pain, but I didn't realize I'd never trust again. I
wanted him to love me like a father more than anything in this world, so I
trusted him like a young, naive girl and all he did was shatter my world.

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