I mean, obviously it's not like there was physical force, or even a direct "no" on his part. But he expressed uneasiness, and if the genders were switched I think a lot of people would be uncomfortable with it. And of course at the time I would never, ever have assessed the situation in that way. I was buying into the typical model that says of course guys always want to have sex, so his uneasiness must mean there was something wrong with me, and I should therefore try harder to fix it. I was honestly trying really hard to do the right thing.

It's only in recent years that I've thought back on it and really realized how terrified and uncomfortable he was. I wish I hadn't done it.

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I am pretty sure he does. Our relationship lasted over a year, and during that whole time we successfully had sex maybe 6 times, and unsuccessfully attempted maybe another dozen. It was an issue we mostly just refused to address. At one point I gently suggested he might be gay, and he pretty vehemently disagreed, and for what it's worth he has since continued dating women to the best of my knowledge. But the girl he dated right after me was still in high school (16 to his 22? 23?) and I am 99% sure they were just holding hands and chastely kissing.

I am pretty sure he does. Our relationship lasted over a year, and during that whole time we successfully had sex maybe 6 times, and unsuccessfully attempted maybe another dozen. It was an issue we mostly just refused to address. At one point I gently suggested he might be gay, and he pretty vehemently disagreed, and for what it's worth he has since continued dating women to the best of my knowledge. But the girl he dated right after me was still in high school (16 to his 22? 23?) and I am 99% sure they were just holding hands and chastely kissing.

That's more or less to be expected - sociologically there's a very limited tool set available to him in terms of understanding what he himself is going through.

For what it's worth, I consider it of a lot more merit that you are able to admit to yourself what happened and see it from a negative light and implications that are less then comfortable. IME the only people who can be trusted to avoid hurting those around them and people they care about are the people who can acknowledge when they hurt others in the first place, and that's something you can't take for granted. My 2 cents.

In the 2nd Lebanon war they gave us (artillery) the order to secure a large parameter. This in itself was part of the news scandal later of horrible judgement among the generals when the war was investigated.

At one point there was a blue van - if they heard the speakers telling them to stop and identify themselves, they didn't respond. My superior wasn't availble and I took the shot.

They could have been terrorists trying to push a team through, or they could have been refugees who were running away or weren't able to hear properly in the bombing and noise for any number of reasons. There wasn't much a chance to investigate after, and a few days later a friend I've made who normally worked in the medical profiling department of the drafting center was able to make a phone call and help me get a transfer into a non-combatant profile.

Sometimes I liked to rationalize that I had no choice, that's what everyone else was doing... But that's bullshit. Sure, they could have been terrorists, but In my nightmares it's usually a bunch of families running away with their children trying to reach safety. Frankly my intuition leans towards the later.

I know my words will mean nothing, and that it's your own conscience that's haunting you, but I think you did the best you could at the time. You had been trained to behave in a certain way, you had orders to behave in a certain way, they were supposed to stop when they heard the loudspeakers, and they didn't, and you were supposed to shoot if they didn't. You did what you were supposed to do in a fucked up situation. And the fact that you feel badly about it means that you're not a sociopath.

I am pretty sure he does. Our relationship lasted over a year, and during that whole time we successfully had sex maybe 6 times, and unsuccessfully attempted maybe another dozen. It was an issue we mostly just refused to address. At one point I gently suggested he might be gay, and he pretty vehemently disagreed, and for what it's worth he has since continued dating women to the best of my knowledge. But the girl he dated right after me was still in high school (16 to his 22? 23?) and I am 99% sure they were just holding hands and chastely kissing.

This man is gay, he just may not be aware of it.

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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

Our relationship lasted over a year, and during that whole time we successfully had sex maybe 6 times, and unsuccessfully attempted maybe another dozen. It was an issue we mostly just refused to address. At one point I gently suggested he might be gay, and he pretty vehemently disagreed, and for what it's worth he has since continued dating women to the best of my knowledge. But the girl he dated right after me was still in high school (16 to his 22? 23?)

Together for a year? That changes everything. I thought you were talking about a one night stand.

So how close were you otherwise? Did you spend a lot of time together and click?

So if he was 22 for the next girlfriend after being with you for a year, then he was 21 for you? Was this all in college? This was college, wasn't it? Was this a hang out together once a week kind of thing, and visit each other's dorm rooms? Or were you a couple who were together a lot?

I'm trying to remember college. It was a lot more casual then and you would be apart for bigger stretches of time and live your own life.