It was recently not brought to my attention that the world needs to know what random thoughts are running though my brain. I've taken the liberty of doing that anyway. If nothing else, I intend to show the world what a tremendous windbag I really am.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I was out doing some Christmas shopping the other day.It was raining.No, not the sunshine and smiles that usually fall down upon us here in Southern California, but actual drops of water.It was a long day filled with a lot of road rage because everyone kept thinking that the guy in front of them was incessantly washing his windshield.But we got through it.We’re Californians.We’re tough.

California toughness aside, I saw something that changed my definition of sad.As I mentioned, I was out doing some Christmas shopping.This led me to a strip mall near my home.As I trolled through the parking lot to find an empty space, I came across a very sobering scene.It was cold, it was raining and it was around 2 pm.There, next to the vitamin shop, in a small, red and white-stripped tent, for that day only, was a mobile petting zoo.

First of all, a strip mall next to a vitamin shop?What kind of research did they do before opening up this mobile petting zoo business?Maybe I’m not familiar with today’s petting zoo marketing techniques, but I’d think your target audience would be small children with an overwhelming desire to touch things.I’m not sure a vitamin shop is going to provide you with that kind of clientele.Of course, perhaps I’m reading this all wrong.Perhaps it is the vitamin shop employing the petting zoo.Perhaps they think that passers by will feel a great need to stock up on any and all vitamins after having had such a close brush with all those hairy beasts.

My point is this.As hard as it may be for some of you to comprehend, there were no patrons at this petting zoo.And seeing a lone man, standing under a tent in the rain with a bunch of smelly, wet animals made me a little sad.Not because I felt bad for this poor soul who has clearly made some abominable business decisions, but because I believe this is exactly the sort of thing that is killing our economy.It cost money to put a petting zoo next to a vitamin shop in the rain.I’m no expert, but I think even a video game store owner would tell you that there’s no money in cold, wet animal petting.

All I’m saying is that we are in a recession and that I blame petting zoos that refuse to pack it in on rainy days.That’s not the shining American spirit cutting through the gloom of a bad situation, that’s the stupidity of an Ivy League educated, trust fund baby with a horribly misguided interpretation of husbandry and children.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Well, here we are at the end of another NaBloPoMo.I think we learned a little bit less this time around than we did last year.I’m currently flying back to Los Angeles.(and yes, I typed out Los Angeles instead of abbreviating it to L.A. because I’m really trying to finish strong with a nice high word count.)Tomorrow will be December 1st, and I will no longer be required to post each and every day.I’m sure this will be a welcome change back to the way things should be for my readers.

This year, I think we learned that just because I post every day doesn’t mean that I’m getting any better.We learned that I’m not a fan of smoking and that if I ever grace the restaurant industry with my presence, I’ll be 100% logical in the naming of my fine eating establishment.We learned that the more I post, the less people comment.You learned that I have lurkers.I say you because I already knew, but I won’t pretend like the lack of comments isn’t a huge blow to my ego.

Right now, I’m learning that typing on a plane is either really good exercise for my weak, dainty wrists, or it’s one of the most uncomfortable ways a person could ever hope to get any work done.Also, Minesweeper without a mouse is one of the least entertaining games my laptop comes preloaded with.

Unlike some of my previous posts this month, this one isn’t going to make any sense at all.Which is why I’m proud to announce that while I was away, I was bequeathed an old computer.When I say old, I don’t mean mid 80’s, I mean it’s probably 4 or 5 years old.It is the ideal candidate for a Myth box, and since I won’t be spending any money on it, so much the better.

Ok, hope you enjoyed this edition of the Shuck N Jive.I’ll be around again soon I’m sure.I’m posting this from my car since I don’t think I’ll make it home in time.Please ignore not just the inconsistencies on this post, but all of them.Thanks!!