Author
Topic: Funeral pictures on your Timeline (Read 20216 times)

I really don't think this is okay. Some people might have no problem with seeing dead bodies, but most people in our culture do. I've seen a few in person myself, and they have never, ever looked like they were just sleeping. Not even my grandpa just moments after he'd passed away. It's polite to burp after a meal in Japan, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do at a dinner party in the US.

If your friend is from a culture where this is normal, that's one thing (is she?), but I'm assuming she's not. I am assuming, however, that she's deep in grief and probably doesn't have the best judgment at the moment; you said you were already thinking of removing her from her newsfeed, but if you weren't, I would say to let it slide. Not because it's okay but because people do weird things when they're grieving.

The thing is that some people post political stuff others aren't interested in seeing, causes, religious stuff or yes, for some it might be kittens. Sometimes the words and photos are even meant to unsettle. I think you have the right to block or defriend but I think you also need to be honest that it is the result of two different views of fb rather than a "my way is the right way and their way is wrong" attitude.

This is a situation where you need to know your audience. It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards. Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter. And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

Photos of the wake and mourners at the funeal are fine but no coffins. I once got a nasty surprise developing photos when the roll contained close up photos of the woman's dead MIL in her coffin. That was part of my job but it's not something I want on my newsfeed.

This is a situation where you need to know your audience. It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards. Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter. And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc. If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.

This is a situation where you need to know your audience. It's going to be completely disturbing for a lot of people to wake up to a picture of a dead body mixed in with their LOLcats and ecards. Kind of like when you're scrolling through your newsfeed and one of your activist friends has decided that they need to share a Sarah McLaughlin-level animal abuse picture to support the local animal shelter. And when you're dealing with an environment where you're sharing with your immediate family, your extended family, your closest friends, your acquaintances, and maybe your coworkers, well, it's just not going to be appropriate for everyone.

But that does happen quite frequently on fb, along with pictures of sick babies, domestic violence PSAs, etc. If somebody decides they are seeing things they don't want to then they are free to block or defriend.

I agree and have done just that. But just because it's Facebook doesn't mean that what people do on their own walls can't be considered rude or inappropriate. I think people have agreed in the past that it's rude to vaguebook and rude to post things on your wall directly insulting the people who are going to see it. Sure, you can't police it, aside from defriending or hiding someone, but that doesn't mean the behavior is any less inappropriate.

Edited: Just tonight a friend of mine posted a picture of a child who had allegedly been abused to his newsfeed. Popped up in the middle of everyone else's normal daily posting. The next time I see him, I may well call him on it because, come on, IF the story attached to the picture is true, not everyone on his friends list is in a position to be on the lookout for the person who allegedly committed the abuse, so they just got slapped in the face with an extremely disturbing picture because he was too lazy to be selective in who he shared with.

It would bother me just based on the fact that I wouldn't know it was coming. Not everyone would want to see it, and some would find it upsetting.

I also got a couple "surprises" when developing film, and along with the occasional inappropriate photo that we couldn't print there was also the less-frequent body in a coffin picture. I couldn't say for sure if it's rude or inappropriate, but it's not something I'd put up on FB.

To be clear, there were photos of her deceased mother lying (laying?) in her coffin. There were also photos of the harpist, the floral arrangements, and the other mourners. Didn't mind the other photos. She's a friend of my husband and I've met her a couple of times. I was planning to drop her from my news feed because we don't have much in common.

Can't you just drop somebody from your news feed without blocking or defriending them? Will she know that I've done this? I think she's a nice person, and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

To be clear, there were photos of her deceased mother lying (laying?) in her coffin. There were also photos of the harpist, the floral arrangements, and the other mourners. Didn't mind the other photos. She's a friend of my husband and I've met her a couple of times. I was planning to drop her from my news feed because we don't have much in common.

Can't you just drop somebody from your news feed without blocking or defriending them? Will she know that I've done this? I think she's a nice person, and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

Yes, you can. Click on their name, click on "Friends", then click on "Settings" and you'll get a list. Simply go down the list and "un-check" everything you don't want to see in your news feed. You could un-check all of them, or just the ones you don't want, like "Photos". I did that last week with someone I didn't want to unfriend completely.

The thing is that some people post political stuff others aren't interested in seeing, causes, religious stuff or yes, for some it might be kittens. Sometimes the words and photos are even meant to unsettle. I think you have the right to block or defriend but I think you also need to be honest that it is the result of two different views of fb rather than a "my way is the right way and their way is wrong" attitude.

It wouldn't bother me, but it's not something I would do myself either.

I'm a lot more bothered by the political posts I keep seeing.

This. One of the last photos of my BIL is on FB. Taken mere moments before he passed. It still makes me smile and cry. To me a photo of a deceased person is no more shocking than a photo of them alive. And I have zombie issues

And while I can usually skip the political stuff, if it is too nasty and that is all I see on a friend's wall.. I delete them as friends. Same for people who continuously post hoaxes and people who have not been on FB for more than a year (I do the birthday thing.. and if their name doesn't ring a bell I check their walls. I found out a few game friends had died that way.. really disconcerting to see people posting birthday wishes and further down the page see people posting condolences.)

I get to control what I see.. I don't get to control what other people post. Otherwise I would decree duckface pictures and song lyric statuses that are not clearly marked as song bits as "not done". (So many teen songs that read as.. cries for help. When asked the teen is puzzled and just likes how the song sounds.)

Logged

"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin