Love without Sue or Schue

First of all, let me admit, again, that I am a couple of things. One – a former jazz-choir geek. Two – a Lea Michele apologist. So - does it make me biased if I say I have Rachel’s blue dress that she wore in the last half of the episode? And I love it?

So Puck is falling in love with Lauren, and this is a revelation somehow? Because she's bigger? This makes me crazy, but they make up for it by letting Lauren be uninterested in Puck. The show is doing something really good here, by making Lauren not all that interested and making her body not the forefront of the story – but it keeps coming up. He likes her ‘even though’ she is so curvy.

Lauren tells us six times that she can take care of herself but after some five part harmony on “Fat Bottom Girls”, which, Puck does kind of kill it, Lauren is all delighted that she’s being sung to, but not that surprised. I really like how much they’re making her not bowled over by him actually liking her, but this bravado routine? Maybe she’s just not that into Puck, but where does any – ANY – 16 year old get this kind of moral fortitude?

Santana looks about sixteen years younger with her hair in a hairband, and admits she’s ‘sort of a bitch’, and then it’s somehow funny that Lauren appears and they talk in ghetto-speak, and then they fight. Santana gets the shizz kicked right the way out of her. Puck is reduced to begging. Basically in the end, Lauren tells Puck he’s all about the physical and she’s going to need to take it slow, and I would like and understand that a whole lot better if she didn’t also say she was originally into him because she thought he was mixed-race. Glee! Lovin’ stereotypes! But I do appreciate Lauren being hard to get – that’s aspirational, in a way, and she sells it pretty well. Fair enough. But when he says things like “I’m embracing the way you look” and she says “I look the way America looks”? Can’t we please make it about something else?

Meanwhile, Finn is getting girl attention from everyone including Becky (thanks for your thoughts on her – I’m continuing to form an opinion) and only wants Quinn. He takes it upon himself to be a charity kissing booth. Everyone says they don’t want to kiss him, but Santana gets called out as the bitch of the group, and it’s pretty entertaining when they all bitch at her, but the biggest insult is that she’s going to be on a pole someday. Um, doesn’t she hear that before breakfast?

Kissing booth. Becky asks for ten, gets one. Quinn busts him, she isn’t going to kiss him. Sam sees her though…and bitches at Quinn to go kiss Finn already so he knows there’s nothing wrong. This is the kind of hilarious plot that is going to take all the way to the fourth act to resolve…

Meanwhile, Finn condescends to Rachel, kisses her on the cheek, she folds like a deck chair and begs him to forgive her – and he gives her a Christmas present that he ordered before they broke up. He says he believes in her even though they’re not together, and Rachel, girl, let me tell you, the reality is not going to hit you until tomorrow morning on the schoolbus, but that is a line. It is full on bullsh, and I like Finn, but there is a certain type of guy who thinks he can get away with anything as long as he says it in a soft voice, and leaves the door juuuust a crack open for her to wonder for the rest of her years together if there’s going to be a change. ANYWAY.

Artie and Mike (sort of) sing “PYT”. Apparently they have no relationship problems.

Sam supervises Finn’s kiss with Quinn. Patriarchal and weird and insulting. They have fireworks and make plans to meet. Finn and Quinn go to the nurse because they have mono. She wants him to figure out what’s going on with Rachel before they pick up again.

But at least one girl has some reasonable rationale here - Rachel pulls out of Finn that he saw fireworks when he kissed Quinn, and not when he kissed her, and she takes it as a reason to push forward and pursue herself. And then she sings “Fireworks”. It’s a great song for her, but it’s a pity when it’s one of those kinds of things where she’s better at the song than Katy Perry. Is that awful? I can hear more of her actual voice than in Perry’s super-produced one.

Since the whole first part of the episode is voiceover, the first line of dialogue comes as Kurt’s in a kitschy valentine’s store. Kurt hates it, Blaine loves it, and he also finally comes off as being 25 years old. And he’s all in love with someone, and Kurt thinks it’s him, and who’s surprised?

Blaine wants the warblers to sing to the boy he loves, ‘off campus’. Which makes them crazy. Apparently the ‘not performing in public’ thing is a real controversy? So there’s a lot of shenanigans there, but as usual we’re just blinded by the blazer, and the fact that all these guys, by virtue of not having a stereotype to fill, seem much more interesting. Oh also, Blaine likes some guy who isn’t Kurt. You’re welcome.

Sleepover party, pajamas, and Rachel and Mercedes helping Kurt. And Mercedes’ pajamas have a sock monkey on them. She couldn’t give a rats ass about not having a Valentine, and says they should put it into the music. “Sometimes you need to choose between love and talent.”

In the Gap, Blaine is all a-worried and nervous about his guy, Jeremiah. They sing semi-flashmob style. The guy he’s in love with basically ignores him, despite the fact that all the customers are all into the song, and they pretend like the Gap has a proper sunglass section, and the way this guy keeps walking away, “When I get you alone” starts to feel like a stalker song, and this is actually pretty heartbreaking, because Kurt can see it coming. Jeremiah says Blaine outed him, got him fired, and also, Blaine’s underage (maybe not the best tactic, writers, since Darren Criss looks WAY older than this kid). Kurt decides now is a good idea to ask if they should be dating. Blaine’s not good at romance, and doesn’t want to screw up their friendship. Banter about When Harry Met Sally.

Finally, the Warblers sing (I guess they got over themselves, eh?) and it’s an arrangement of “Silly love songs “ that I’ve never heard. I like this show when they don’t do every five-minutes-ago pop song.

Santana sits at a table for one.

And I’m realizing I’m liking this episode more because there’s no damn Sue and no damn Schue.