Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Fravd!! Favre's Greatest Hits

This article originally ran on Dec. 19, 2005. But now it seems pretty fitting.

Brett Favre sure seems to be having a lot of fun on the football field. Brett Favre plays football the way it is supposed to be played. Brett Favre created Heaven and Earth in sixth days, and on the seventh day he reached down and had a pass interception.

These are just a few of the superlatives that will be tossed around by John Madden about Favre on Monday night. The dude needs to retire once and for all so we can stop hearing phrases such as, “This could be the last time Brett Favre throws a game-crippling, drive-killing, season ending interception.”

Instead of worrying about putting some talent around Favre, how about giving the poor Packers roster an NFL quarterback that can complete a pass to his own team. They talk about Kyle Orton killing the Bears, what has Favre done to the Packers this season? At least Orton has his team on the verge of the playoffs.

With that, we give you ten of the greatest Favre moments of all-time for those of us that recognize the former Southern Miss quarterback as one of the league’s most overrated. If Trent Dilfer had Favre’s publicist, he would be looking forward to a Pro Football Hall of Fame induction.

10. Favre passes for 331 yards and 2 interceptions in the Packers 27-17 drubbing to the Cowboys in a 1993 NFC Divisional Playoff Game. Favre starts a string of playoff futility that will last a long number of years until the salary cap and Jerry Jones ego finally destroys the Cowboys dynasty.

9. Favre passes for only 194 yards as Chris Boniol defeats the Packers on Monday night, 21-6, in 1996. Religious guy Reggie White starts a fight on the field following the game as Boniol tied a record for most field goals in a game (seven). That's the Packers, classy in defeat.

8. Favre passes for 211 yards and 1 interception as the Packers again fall to the Cowboys in a 1994 NFC Divisional Playoff Game.

7. Favre passes for 256 yards and 3 touchdowns in the Broncos stunning 31-24 victory in Super Bowl XXXII. The game might not have been Favre’s fault. But Favre must now join the list of one-time Super Bowl quarterbacks with Dilfer, Mark Rypien, Brad Johnson and Jeff Hostetler. And Jake Plummer trails by only one.

6. Favre passes for 307 yards and 3 touchdowns against Dallas in the 1995 NFC Championship Game. But his two interceptions, including a back-breaker to Larry Brown (foreshadowing Super Bowl XXX?), cost the Packers the game. Again.

5. Favre finally advances to the Super Bowl. But only after a second-year expansion team—led by Kerry Collins—does all of the heavy lifting. Favre might not have a ring if not for Carolina and Collins, who has more playoff wins over the Cowboys.

4. Favre admits in a Playboy interview that he picks vicodin out of his vomit and retakes them. Millions of fat Wisconsinites no longer embarrassed about free-basing ranch dressing.

3. The Packers have never lost a playoff game at home in the club's proud history. At least until Mike Vick shows up and beats Favre’s Packers, 27-7, in 2002. Favre throws two interceptions in the loss.

2. The Packers now have trouble winning home football games at Lambeau Field thanks to Favre. Mike Tice leads the Vikings (who play in a dome) into Green Bay and they beat up Favre and the Packers, 31-17 in 2004. Favre tosses four interceptions.

1. Critics always like to say that Favre gives the Packers a puncher’s chance in the playoffs. Yeah, right. Favre throws six interceptions against the St. Louis football in the 2001 playoffs. Too bad the puncher is Peter McNeeley

This list was compiled at the end of 2005. But this, if the voting was done today, would probably have to be the new No. 1, Favre's last pass.

Yeah, I will say something about this. I want to applaud the new conservationist ethic of this blog, recycling old bits from years ago. It's like going to grandma's house for Sunday dinner and she pulls out a pot roast that has been hiding on the bottom of her enormous basement freezer. You know it's been there a while because it's wrapped in a newspaper with a picture of Eugene McCarthy.

Anyway, the most significant thing I've noticed is that this website's entire blogroll- links to Diane's Deal, and Blog Cabins, as well as the Last and Ten- have all suddenly mysteriously disappeared. I think the message is clear: you fuck with Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers, and there will be consequences.

By the way, my verification word is qfqjm, which Gina Cruz explained to me over breakfast this morning is her official title at work.

The Autumn Wind is a Hater!

The Hater Nation is back where it belongs. Turns out, we were too lazy to sellout. So unless somebody wants to give us $100K per year to tell McKenzie Phillips' jokes, we are probably going to be found here for a while.

Last and Ten Obvious Admissions We Would Like to See

10.Peter King admits it ... he really wants to sex up Brett Favre. And he wants to give Tom Brady a coffee enema.

9. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones admits that his face is as real as Joan Rivers' face.