The Power of Believing in Your ADHD Child

One of our family’s favorite movies is Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. It’s a beautiful movie with many beautiful lessons in it. One of the lessons that I found so profound comes from a block of wood. The Mr. Magorium’s protégé, Mahoney, is stumped by the purpose of the block, and when she’s frustrated and at wits end with what to do with it she tells her mentor that it’s just a block of wood. His response baffles her at first. He says, “What do you think would happen if once, just once, somebody believed in it?”

As a parent of five children with ADHD and too many co-occurring conditions to count I have found the value of believing to be one of the most important tools in my parenting toolbox. I have yet to find any magical fixes for problems or behaviors. There has been no organizational system that instantly fixed what’s lacking in their executive function abilities, and after years and years of talking about them and working on them, social skills are still a work in progress.

Parenting ADHD kids is not about quick fixes, it’s the very definition of long range goals. Progress is slow and often painstakingly gained. In fact, it’s so slow at times that I have wondered if we’re moving forward at all. But by believing in my children and their intelligence, their talents, their strengths, and most importantly their abilities to overcome their challenges, I open up a world of possibilities to them, the possibilities of growth and change.

Whether they hear it directly from someone’s mouth or they recognize the differences between themselves and their peers, keeping an ADHD child’s self esteem intact is a constant battle. I remember vividly telling our oldest (now 21) that she was smart and capable when she little. She didn’t believe me or her father. She flat out insisted she was a failure. When we argued with her she pulled out a spelling pre-test from her backpack, slapped it down on the table and said, “See?” There was a huge red ‘F’ on the top of it.

I can’t tell you how hard that moment was, but I’m sure that if you’ve been raising ADHD children that you’ve had a few of them yourself. My heart breaks for my children in those situations. I want, more than anything else, for them to see what I see in them. It was in that defining moment with our daughter that I realized in order to keep her self esteem intact I needed my voice to be louder and clearer than all the other voices that told her she wasn’t enough. I needed her to know that I believed in her, in her brilliance, in her creativity, in her spunky personality, in her ability to overcome whatever challenges were placed before her. I needed my belief in her to grow into her belief in herself and her own abilities.

When I sat down to think about it I was quickly overwhelmed. I know that believing in your children is absolutely critical to their successes, but articulating that sentiment isn’t easy. It’s not one separate act. It’s not accomplished by patting them on the backs and announcing that you wholeheartedly believe in them. I wish it was that simple. It’s an undertone interwoven in all the things we say and do as parents.

What Is Believing in Your ADHD Child?

It’s a warm hug when a child feels alone and doesn’t understand why they aren’t picked for a team, invited to a party, or are so often left out. It’s long talks whenever they need to happen, about whatever they need to talk about. It’s listening, reserving judgment, helping a child find the answer themselves. It’s pep talks and encouragements when whatever they’re facing seems insurmountable. It’s breaking life up into more manageable bites and helping them to learn how to break it up themselves. It’s sitting by their side when the homework just doesn’t end and it’s so hard to focus. It’s the tender voice that redirects. It’s patience and love. It’s teaching instead of punishing. It’s the dedication it takes to drive and wait for speech therapy, occupational therapy, tutoring, or doctor’s visits. It’s encouraging talents, passions, and strengths to counterbalance the struggles. It’s the time we put into researching and understanding our child’s experience. It’s what happens in their hearts when they see us stand up and defend them and advocate on their behalf to teachers, coaches, and sometimes well-meaning but misinformed family members.

In the movie, when Mahoney finally believes in the wooden cube, when she stands up and defends it for what it is and what it can be, the block of wood comes to life. At first just a little, then, the more she believes and reassures it the more it moves until it’s soaring around the room. It becomes something truly fantastic and magical because someone believed in it. And isn’t that true for all of us? Belief is empowering; it is a key to unlock the best of what we can become.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lisa Aro

Lisa Aro always planned on having a large family. She and her husband have six children of their own and many more that they claim as their own who have come in and out of their home. What they didn't plan on...read more

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