~ Creative writing. Inspiration.

A little personal, a little past

Ahhh preschool. The days when the only challenge was deciding on who gets the Barbie doll or the blue crayon or the tambourine in Ms. Marilyn’s music class. Now, JCC is a blur to me; however, there is one thing that I vividly remember. You see, preschool handed me my first crush, a cute, brown-haired boy named Ethan. I remember one early afternoon, back when I was about 5 years old; I and the rest of my preschool class were playing on a steep, grassy hill. At least it seemed steep to me at the time; I was only a few feet tall. For some reason, I soon found myself chasing my crush, Ethan, around this hill. That is all I can recall, but what I do know is that I still keep in touch with that cute, brown-haired kid to this day.

“Just ask her out already”

It was Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday that fell on my 16th birthday, and my best friend at the time, Olga, came over to hang out for a little bit. Besides the 8-foot-tall, bunch of pink and silver helium birthday balloons in which she gave me, Olga also gave me my second boyfriend, Ethan. Now, Ethan is a very shy, young man. It was around 8 at night, and Olga and I decided to go on AIM (that’s AOL Instant Messenger for those of you who are not familiar). Anyway, Philliesfan376 appeared on my buddy list, and I decided to let Olga chat with Ethan. Olga knew that I had wanted to try to date Ethan, so she began talking to him about me, basically trying to get him to ask me out. Soon, Olga left, and I took over on the conversation with Ethan. However, this conversation was different; my hands were cold and my stomach and my heart had swapped places. I knew what was coming. How could I have been so nervous talking to a friend whom I had known for 11 years? Long story short, I somehow talked Ethan into manning up and asking me out. Unfortunetely, the relationship did not last long, as Ethan was, and still is extremely shy, and never wanted to associate with me in any other place but the cyber world.

Becoming almost professional

By the time I was a sophomore at CRHS North, I had had two boyfriends, and I was having a good time living young and playing the field. Kiss after kiss, I was playing guys faster than they could say, “You’re a tease.” I did not feel bad about this, as my theory was, and still is, “Guys are jerks, and I’ll play them before they play me.” I went through my sophomore and junior year, adding to the list of makeout sessions. However, senior year creeped up on me and on the rest of the class of ’09, and single life for me was over, for a short while.

“Cause you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no”

The year I dedicated 10 months to my first real boyfriend; my whole senior year based on fighting, making up, and love, or what could have been. Name’s Matt, and we shared highway rides in his black Ford pickup with country music blasting on 92.5 XTU. I met Matt through Olga’s now ex-boyfriend. After just a few dates including several games at the Rack Room, a local pool hall, and a few late night runs to Suburban diner, Matt asked me out on February 2nd, 2009. He treated me like a woman; he opened doors for me, treated me to several expensive dinners at The Melting Pot, and bought me a beautiful diamond-hearted necklace from Kay Jewelers. After 5 months of dating, however, our relationship began getting rocky. We fought almost every day over stupid things; we must have broken up and gotten back together about six times. In December of 2009, just a couple weeks before New Years, Matt and I called it quits. Well maybe we didn’t quit, he quit, but that’s besides the point. Matt, I think he taught me how to love, because 3 months later, I landed a new boyfriend.

“So if you need a lover and a friend, baby I’m in”

Now, maybe I was just using him as a rebound, but on March 1st, 2010, my facebook relationship status went from “Single” to “In a Relationship.” His name is Scott, and we have now been dating for about 240 days, or 8 months (or 10 months if you include the 2 months we were seeing eachother.) I know I’m not infatuated, because at first, I didn’t ever want to make Scott my boyfriend. However, I decided to give Scott a chance, and after quite sometime, the kid grew on me. What I look for in a boyfriend, is someone I can also call my best friend. It may sound cliche, but I never found that in any other boyfriend of mine, until Scott. (*Note: this relationship is over)“So go, turn and walk out that door.”After a little over 2 years of having too much fun being single, and being happy with myself for the first time, I ran into Julio. Well, sort of. I won’t get into the details of how we actually met. It involves Julio’s friend. Anyway, Julio was somewhat of a difficult situation. To start, he is half Puerto Rican. Not that I cared. A human is a human to me. It’s my parents I had to worry about. Specifically my mother. She’s old school. On top of that, Julio has a kid. Again, I didn’t care. Julio is a great father. Not the deadbeat kind. Anyway, Julio was also single for awhile before he got into a relationship wih me. And he too was scared to make it official. But we did. And we were happy. We had the best of times. We talked about the future. My family liked him. His family liked me. And then I got accepted to go to LA for a summer study away program. Julio pushed me to do this. Then all of the sudden, it was his reason for dumping me. It was a Friday night. He comes over my house with frozen yogurt for the both of us. One hour later, we’re in my cozy, box-filled, bug infested garage, and his first words are, “I can’t do this.” I hardly knew what he meant, but at the same time, I kind of did. From his last relationship, he’s insecure, he followed with, “You’re going to be in LA for 3 months, I’m going to have to worry about what you’re doing.” What could I say? He said he’d been talking to several people about it. Was I pissed that he never once talked to me about it? Of course. But it was clear that his mind was already made up. So, with the images of my last 2 breakups in my head the entire time, which involved me crying in front of the guys, using my wonderful poetic words which didn’t get me anywhere, I kep’t my mouth shut. I looked Julio in the eyes, asked him, “So, you wanna break up?” He replied, “I need to.” A strong girl, I raised my index finger, “Then there’s the door. Get out of my house.” That was 22 days ago. I haven’t heard from Julio since.