Tuesday, June 16, 2009

First, my morning, then the forecast.__________________6:12 AM Get up and get dressed

6:30 AM Wake JD and inform him that if he wants to take a shower before we leave for the Giant Fertility Clinic, he'll need to get up now

6:45 AM Wake JD (again) and let him know that I'm taking The Boy to doggie daycare and that he needs to be ready when I get back and that I cannot wait for him, he must be ready.

7:05 AM Call JD after dropping off The Boy and inform JD that I will be home in 10 minutes and could he please be waiting out front for me.

7:15 AM Pull up in front of house. Shocker - JD not there. Call house and JD picks up. I say, "I asked you to be downstairs ready for me. I can't afford to wait for you." He says, "I'm coming down right now!"

7:20 AM Still not there. I am fuming. Decide that if he doesn't come down in the next 5 minutes, it's over. Because if he doesn't come down, he doesn't give a crap about me or our family. And eff him, I'm done with his B/S.

7:25 AM He finally gets in the car and I drive like a maniac up to GFC. He apologizes for making me late. I alternately silently fume and rage at him, saying that I woke him several times, spoke to him last night and this morning of the importance of not being late and being ready, and that the fact that he was still late demonstrated to me that he doesn't give a crap about me, is utterly insensitive and is not supportive of me.

He tries to apologize for taking so long and making me mad; I yell that it's not that he takes so long, it's that he doesn't give a sh-t. If he gave a sh-t, he would've made sure that he was up and ready and downstairs waiting. EX: (which I didn't use at the time), if it's something he cares about, like cartoons, or his f-cking computer games, he's up and ready.

I tell him that I feel alone in all this and his actions just give more demonstration to that effect.

7:55 AM Averaging 80 mph the whole way, we get to GFC late for our appointment. They take us back to ultrasound after about 10 minutes, but then make us wait for 20 minutes while I have no pants on. JD says that he's sorry that he let me down again and that I'm not alone and that he's here for me. We are OK, but I am so sick of him only caring about himself. I realize that he has Asperger's and that it prevents him from understanding the world outside of his own point of view, but sometimes, I don't think it's Asperger's, I think it's just that he's an a--hole. Course, the two are not mutually exclusive.__________________

So, we met with SuperDoc (our doc is on vacation), his assistant and the Sonographer Extraordinaire. They are awesome.

We saw a small sac in the uterus. Thank G-D. This brings our chances of having an ectopic down considerably. There was a line of fluid next to the embryo which may be the cause of the cramping.

Here's our chances:

80% Non-viable intrauterine pregnancy

18% Viable intrauterine pregnancy

2% Ectopic pregnancy

SuperDoc said that he could not rule out the possibility of an ectopic totally, and that we would do another ultrasound on Friday to see what was happening. No methotrexate (drug used to help the body terminate a non-viable pregnancy) for me today!

You've got more patience than I do - I would have been on my way as soon as I left the doggie daycare. Or I would have dumped some water on his head at the second wake-up. But mostly, I would have just gone on my own and seethed for months.

So sorry for your extra stress this morning--ditto everyone else--I'm all over that 18%, baby! I hope that you make it through the next few days as comfortably as possible, and JD makes out alive (hint, hint, son, get your shit together).

Aaarg! My husband has done the same thing to me, and he doesn't have Asperger's as an excuse!

Fingers crossed for the 18%. If it is any comfort for you, the only pregnancy I have had with normal, doubling numbers was the one that ended in a miscarriage. The other two were both thought to be ectopics or failing pregnancies because the numbers were so poor. My singleton started out with a 45 that only went up to a 60 initially. My twins started at 101 and then crawled to 175. The numbers all continued to be far less than stellar, all three children are alive and well. Just to let you know, numbers aren't all that. :)

Another voice from far away, hoping with all my heart that you fall into that 18%. And also that JD makes it up to you by learning from this experience and also by showering you with kindness all day long.

Glad you got no meth today. Hoping you fall into the 18% but sorry you have to wait in this limbo. My hubbie is ALWAYS late it drives me mad! I totally don't get it, I tell him all the time he's the only man I've ever had to wait for. It should be the other way around!

I left my husband, jon, 46 days ago after being treated that way for 10 years. They sound eerily similar. I mean, freakishly. I always wondered if he had Aspergers but he flat refused to get tested. I just finally reached a place where I could not take it anymore. I just couldn't.

I do hope that things get better for you. I know how it is, sometimes it will all seem bearable and you kind of think maybe you are being too hard on him and then sometimes are like your morning where you realize you have married a selfish bastard. I finally had enough of the selfish bastard moments.

I am so far behind in my reader. So, I am not going to comment about the u/s or pregnancy until I get caught up.