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I need some support...

Hi, everybody.

My son is almost 2 (his birthday is in 3 weeks). I work Monday-Thursday, and am gone from the house for 12 hours. I stopped pumping last February, and since then and until NYE this year, that worked great for us. I usually breastfeed him a couple times at night, in the AM before work, and right when I got home. Friday-Sunday, I nurse him whenever he wants. He's been tapering off a little. He's with my husband on Mondays, and in daycare Tuesday-Thursday, and when he's away from me, he NEVER asks for milk. It's been great until recently.

Last week I started feeling really sick, and since it's been so long since I had this problem, I failed to recognize the signs of mastitis. I had a sore on my left nipple, and instead of getting better, it got worse and worse, and though I forced myself to let him nurse on that side, I will admit that I cut the sessions short. That pain is indescribable, and the worst thing, ever. Needless to say, I got an infection. On NYE I had fever and chills and body aches and just felt like a truck ran over me. That week I'd been feeling run down already because my son has been night nursing like a fiend for about a month. He wakes up 3 times a night, and I'm just exhausted, especially because I have to get up so early for work.

I finally went to the doctor and got checked out (even though by this time even I knew what was going on), got some antibiotics, and started feeling better. I took a couple of days off from work to rest, and over the weekend felt like things were getting better.

Now it's Thursday, though, and the night feedings continue to kick my butt. I'm just so darn tired. Last night he woke up at 10:30, nursed, went to sleep, no problem. The 1:30 feeding, though, was ENDLESS. He went from one side to the other, twice. When I finally stopped him, he started crying (sometimes if I stop him, he'll just roll over and go to sleep); I had to hand him off to my husband so I could go back to sleep. They finally fell asleep, and then at 4:30, he was up again.

What is UP WITH THIS? When will it end? I know that part of it is his need to be with me: I'm gone so long during the day, and don't think I don't feel incredibly guilty about that. I'm currently working on finding another job closer to home with better hours (but I also don't want to lose my 3 day weekends), but that process is slow. My husband thinks he's "too attached" to me, but how can I deny him if he wants to cuddle and nurse?

Part of the problem is just that I'm so tired. If I were rested I know I'd feel better, but as it is, I'm very emotional about everything. I don't know how to even think about this. I know weaning is a bad idea, and I don't think I'm really ready to do that, but when I think about how some people nurse their babies until they're 3 or 4, I get really discouraged. Part of me needs some space. How do I do that without feeling like a terrible mother?

Re: I need some support...

Ugh, how rotten! How do our kids know to up their demand just when we are at our sickest and most exhausted?!?

I think the first thing to do is to make sure there's no physical cause for the night-waking and nursing. If he has an ear infection or some miserable teeth poking through, that could explain it all.

If it's not his ears and not his teeth, then I think what you do is up to you. If you want to night-wean, and just cuddle your LO back to sleep at night, that's more than okay at this point. If you just keep the one morning session, that's fine! Or whatever sessions work for you. Just... Don't expect night-weaning to make an immediate difference in your LO's sleep or demand for you- it can be a trying process that requires even more nighttime involvement than nursing does.

We're on your side, whatever that side is. What do you want to do, mama?