01 August 2012

Day 59 - Thinking of things to do... Instead of DOING it

While I was away for a couple days - before I left I 'made plans' within my mind to do certain things while I was away. This did not happen. While I attempted to 'set myself up' to 'be productive' I failed before I even began.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within my mind when I am thinking about things I can do

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the thoughts of things I will get done in terms of the future, instead of realizing this is separation as the future projections are a distraction, and while I was thinking of 'what I could have done' - I could have been DOING the things that required to get done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the THINK about what I can do - instead of actually doing it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that thinking is not living

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel better with thinking in my mind of all the things I will get done while I am away - instead of realizing that in that moment, I am separating myself from what can and could be done, and instead wasting time and energy within the mind where I am not actually living, but existing in a separate reality where I am not doing the things I am thinking of doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thinking of things to do will ensure that I will do them and within this trust myself, yet proving to myself that I will not in fact, as I show myself that I do not and thus I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to think about things to get done, instead of doing them in the moment

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when I think about things I will do in the future and then not do them

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself with believing that I will do the things I think about - instead of realizing this is only a distraction of what can be done in the moment and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to waste myself and my time in the moment of thinking instead of breathing and moving myself physical to get the plans done

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to not do the things required to be done in the moment they are here for me to do and instead go into my mind and tell myself that I will 'do it later', instead of realizing this is dishonest as I am putting off what can be done here in the moment, and believing there will be a future time for me to do them, without realizing the future is not certain, the only certainty that exists is me here in each moment of/as each breath

I commit myself to stop thinking things to get done and to in that moment, stop, breathe and do what it is I am attempting to do 'later'

I commit myself to realize that thinking does not create action - only physical self movement creates action

I commit myself to realize that to trust myself as the thoughts in my mind are deceiving myself as I realize in the moment of thinking - I am not breathing and thus I commit myself to realize that breathing = living

I commit myself to live life here for real as each breath

I commit myself to stop believing there is a future waiting for me where I will magically get done what I 'think' I will - instead of living in this moment, in this physical reality, and actually, physical doing them myself