ec

We have done elimination communication with both of our children and here are ten signs your baby needs to go to the toilet!

My husband and five month old baby were playing Humpty Dumpty last week. At some point between sitting on the wall and having a great fall Humpty became Trumpy. As we always do upon hearing Juno’s little farts, Tim took her to the potty for a go. As she filled the potty with sweet caramelly goodness she tilted her head to look up at daddy and gave him an enormous smile of relief.

Juno is going to be half a year old in a couple of weeks and we are still in that blissful, pre-distraction, stage of Elimination Communication where nearly everything is going in the potty. When inside the Campervan or someone’s home we do normally keep a nappy on (well, specifically, a cloth nappy outer with an Incontinence Pad inside- an elderly chap we know was chucking a few boxes out and we felt we could put them to good use… They work brilliantly and it has saved us spending our whole trip away in a laundromat washing and drying nappies!) People often assume that parents who do Elimination Communication (nappyfree/ EC) have a mysterious connection with their babies (and also too much time in their hands!) when actually it can be a lot more practical then that. Here are some ways that babies let us know about their potty needs, the point at which we can whisk off that nappy and give them a go:

1 – Trumpet Pants
When I was a teen I used to hoot with laughter when every time we tooted my dad would get all worked up insisting that we go to the loo as if pops = poo. The thing is, with tinies it actually very often does. A little trump can signal an impending wee or poo, as if their insides are relaxing getting ready for a Number.

2- Potty Mouth
When my eldest daughter, Ramona, was about one month old we took a picture of her pursed little mouth, forming a perfect O. We wanted to remember the face she pulled when she did a poo- why on earth we thought it better to take a snap rather than take off her nappy and give her a chance to poo in the loo rather than all over her own bottom I’ll never understand. Fortunately it was only another two months before we discovered EC. It is common for babies to let you know the happenings of their bowels through their facials, either by pulling different expressions or going a bit pink or purple.

3- Ghost Wees
Okay, this one is a little on the mysterious side. Every so often you get this warm, wet patch appear on your lap or wherever baby is sitting and you think you have just had a big wee miss. Quickly you realise it is actually nothing BUT giving a go on the potty after this often results in a wee. Even Juno’s Nana has experienced the strangeness of a Ghost Wee. What is this about? All I can think is that maybe it is to do with the rush of blood to the bottom area that happens when a wee is about to come. Alternatively there are ghouls roaming about whose primary calling in Valhalla is to help parents catch their babies Business.

4- Popping on and off the nipple
The very first sign I knew Juno needed a wee, and the very first wee we ever caught, came just a few hours after her birth when she just kept latching on and off in an unhappy way. We held her over the potty and she did a big wee, latching on straight after and staying on. This signal stays with a baby from newborn to a year old, although by then babies often prefer other ways of communicating.

5- Pat-a-bum
Juno has just begun this one and it is a pretty cute one. When she is lying in her back, when she needs to go, she begins patting the front of her nappy insistently and gleefully. I remember Ramona doing this for quite some time, and I know traditionally potty-trained toddlers also play with their bits when they need to go.

6- Cough, cough, hint, hint
I am writing this post on the train, Tim is sitting with Juno on his lap across from me. I asked him if he felt I had missed any signs and just as I posed the question, Juno coughed. “Oh, of course, coughing!” Tim said “I think I’ll give her a go.” He returned with the most incredulous expression- Juno had just done an enormous wee in the train toilet. Paharhaha…

7- Fidgeting
Even now, as a fully toilet-independent almost three year old Ramona fidgets like mad when she needs to go, performing a wee dance that is sort of reminiscent of a turkey walking. This fidgeting begins as a signal really early, particularly if baby is in a sling. They really don’t want to go in the sling so even as a newborn Juno would arch and wriggle when she needed to go. When lying on her front Juno will often tilt her bottom up into the air as if she doesn’t want to be in a position where she might end up lying in it.

8- Stillness
Conversely, and commonly if baby is lying down somewhere happily playing, you will notice an aura of calm or concentration come over them. Their whole body will still, their eyes will lock and they will go. As if doing their business is serious work indeed and commands all their attention.

9- Grunt and growl
It can be hard work getting your bowels to move all on your own- sometimes babies need a little vocal help much in the same way as some tennis players do as they serve. Grunting and growling often come hand in hand with a poo, becoming increasingly normal as poos solidify. So common is it that some ECing parents use grunting as the “cue” for a poo- employing it as a prompt to help their babies go.

10- Waking up
I know, I know, this is not a communication from the baby but it is pretty much a guaranteed wee. We always give a “pottytunity” upon waking.

11- Coming out of the sling
Just like offering the potty upon waking we offer the potty when she comes out of the sling. As an ECing parent you find natural rhythms and patterns to your nappyfree days and this is one of ours. Juno will only wee in the sling after a lot of crying and wriggling so I tend to give her a chance to wee whenever I take her out.

Do you do elimination communication with your baby? What are some of the ways your baby communicates with you about needing to go?

We have made a few parenting choices that aren’t those made by most others, but possibly the one deemed most odd was beginning elimination communication or bringing up a nappy-free baby.

I heard about Elimination Communication when I was pregnant and remember thinking it an utterly bizarre and implausible practice! Then, when Ramona was 10 weeks old, I decided I would give it a crack. (Me, on everything: “Bizarre? Hmm. I’ll try it.)

A few wees in and I was hooked! (I get a feeling this post is going to be filled with collections of words never, ever used in a sentence together before.) Within days she was responding to me helping her go in the potty and I was able to detect a few signals.

It hasn’t been a simple ride ever since, we have had a grand old share of rogue poos and wet pants. But I have loved our beginning elimination communication, it made sense for us. I like the emphasis on babies being born with the ability to communicate and get their needs met. I love that Ramona has had a continued awareness of her bodily functions- there was no moment, which I know other toddlers have, that involved a revelation like “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT COMING OUT OF MY BUM!” I liked that we weren’t giving conflicting messages; “Wees go here in the nappy… oh, actually you are now this arbitrary age, now they go in the loo!” I like that Ramona never had her tender little bottom sitting in wee or poo for more than a minute. It provided another channel for connection. But finally, I have definitely enjoyed the avoidance of any bribe/reward-based or punitive potty training. This has to be potty training at it’s most gentle- a pace set entirely by the child, for us it spanned two years.

Last night I mentioned the word “bath” to my just-turned-two Ramona, and got distracted by something. Minutes later I went upstairs to see Ramona running both taps, a towel helpfully placed on the side, totally nude, doing her business on the loo (no child seat) that she had evidently just discovered she could climb on to!! She is entirely independent of needing our help now and it is a complete relief knowing I will be able to concentrate on the new Spring baby’s elimination needs and leave Ramona to it.

You really don’t have to go the whole hog in order to appreciate the principles of Elimination Communication. Your babe might be a bit older- commencing toddlerhood, or you might have brand new carpets that would not welcome even a tiny spray of newborn butt-caramel!! Wherever you are coming from, is entirely possible to help your kid understand their body, keep their bums poo free and talk to them about their elimination- all of which will make the transition to their toilet- independence much easier.

If you are wondering about Elimination Communication, or even considering doing it a little bit, this tips here might be a little bit helpful.

1- Don’t expect a linear journey! This isn’t potty training. You don’t begin and get better and better until suddenly there are no accidents. Some months are brilliant (for example, when Ramona was 5-7 months we rarely had accidents) and then others are a bit harder. Once Ramona was mobile she showed little interest in sitting on the potty, and it felt like a “backwards step”- try not to see it this way. It is so much easier if we can put aside our expectations and just roll with it, accepting whatever happens.

2- Learn the lingo and develop the communication. “Signals” are when they let you know they need to go- it might be squirming, crying, pursing lips, grunting or lifting legs. “Cues” are sounds they learn to associate with wees and poos, they end up being a bit of a trigger for them We used “Psst” for wee and a “poopoopoo!” for poop. “Offering” is suggesting to them they might need to go or “pottytunity” is sometimes used to!

3- Play with different places for pottytunities. Babies and tots will have a preference. Try the sink, the loo, a big potty, a small potty, by a tree. Adding variety might get them back into it. Plus certain potties are uncomfortable, so don’t insist if they aren’t up for it.

4- We ALL like entertainment on the loo, eh? A good book and a poo = perfect combo. Have a stack of toys/ books/ action songs that you do to encourage them to stay on the potty until they have been.

5- Get into a rhythm of offering at certain times. We always offered upon waking, upon leaving a place, upon arriving at a new place, upon getting in and out of the sling/ buggy/ car seat. This helps them get a sense of when their next pottytunity might be.

6- You will soon pick up a natural rhythm – for us in the early day between 3-6 months it was every 20 minutes or so. You will soon learn how long their little bodies take to process breast milk and you’ll be able to offer when you think they are due. And then they will still surprise you every now and then! Once they are drinking juice and water you will be surprised at how quickly that comes out the other end!

7- You will soon learn what you are comfortable with when out and about. We used to hide behind bushes and trees for a wee, or aim down drains in alleyways, and do poos in a plastic bag like a doggy poop bag! Ramona didn’t used to like going in public loos at all. Other people have used the foldable portable potties, or even just an old ice cream carton. And others still don’t like offering in public at all.

8- Clothing completely depends on the season, but you will very soon discover that those baby grows with poppers are not workable! We very quickly moved on to leggings/ tights and tee shirts that could be quickly pulled up and down. Some people cut a gap in the leggings for even quicker access. Summer is the absolute best as they can be nudey pants all day!

9- Baby Bjorn do a couple of great pottys for Elimination C.ommunication We had their little potty for a while, and loved it, but we lost it on a camping trip. To eplace it we paid £1 for their potty chair on Ebay. It is HUGE but incredibly sturdy so really nurtures independence.

10 – Don’t be scared of nappies. There is a mixed feeling about this. But for a while I was hung up about putting any kind of nappy on. It annoyed me to concede to the nappy if we were in a “missy” stage after a “miss free” stage. However, when in other people’s homes, or somewhere where a miss might be awkward a nappy will help you relax and that is most important….

11- Relax. You would not believe the effect our own emotions can have on a child! They WILL pick up on any anxiety you have, and you could well get in a vicious cycle of tension based misses.

12- Avoid praise, if you can! Your child is only doing what is natural, when she does her business on the potty you WILL be thrilled. But try “Thank you for doing it on the pot, it makes it much easier for mummy” or “Doesn’t it feel nice letting it all out into the loo?” The last thing you need is a tot unable to do a poo without a clap (true story, by the way…)

13- Nurture independence from whenever they are ready. For us that was when Ramona was 1. We encouraged her to help us take her undies up and down, to wash her hands and flush the loo. Allowing them to be their own person is SO important at all times, but even more so when it comes to their bodies, eh?

14- Often, in a series of misses we just had to step right back, rather than constantly offering. Sometimes they can respond pretty sourly to us crowding them, offering all the time, which what we inevitably tend towards during a bout of misses. Better for them to miss and keep their independence then have a helicopter parent.

15- Once you get cracking join the Facebook EC group and Born Ready – the most amazing information packed website. It is vital, when choosing a more unusual path, to have people around you who have chosen the same. They are a WEALTH of wisdom and expertise and there will not be ONE issue that you come across that someone hasn’t not faced before!

16 – Consider getting some Flaparaps. They are little pants that flip open, for even the tiniest baby, we LOVED ours and highly recommend them.

There are 16 little pointers, the things I wished I had understood in my first week. Would love to hear your thoughts on beginning elimination communication, if you are doing it, and what you would chose to share!

I have had a couple of interesting emails this week. The first came from a close relative who was just expressing some gratitude for getting her started with Elimination Communication (EC or Nappy Free for something that sounds less Willy Wonkery.) I didn’t mean to get her started, it is just that one time a few months ago I heard her little 4 month old lad do huge trump. Knowing it was approaching the time he normally filled his pants, I whipped of his nappy and he proceeded to do two wees and an implausibly large dump.

Now, I am well aware this makes me seem AWFUL! Imposing my parenting way onto another. I swear, I have only done it a couple of times, once to my nephew and once to my neice, both times when their mothers weren’t around, and I would never do it to YOUR baby.

Yeah, it still makes me sound awful, eh. I’m sorry.

Anyway, while he was taking his dump, his mama came in. It was, er, a little awkward.

But she emailed this week, saying how since then he has done all of his poos in the potty – THREE A DAY!!- and it has changed their lives. He used to really struggle, poor chap, and turns out The Hold helps it all along.

HURRAH!

Then on the other hand, the second email. It was a friend also doing EC. Her 13 month old has turned Anti-Potty. It is a common low in this rollercoaster of EC and I really felt some of her disappointment. Those two emails really encapsulate the good and bad of Nappy Free, I reckon.

We began when Ramona was 3 months old, primarily out of curiosity but partly because I felt there must be something in it. Within days we discovered there was and we quickly hit a rhythm, catching 80% of her shizzle.

With every month that passes it is becoming less unusual that Ramona is Nappy Free. Sitting a baby on the potty at three months is ridiculous by almost everyone’s standard, sitting a toddler on the potty is pretty normal. This is a nice feeling – it is hard feeling as if you have to constantly explain yourself, particularly when people can be really quite hostile about it (for example, people “explaining” that it is physiologically impossible for babies to hold their wees in – if this is the case, how comes Ramona has held her wees since she was about 6 months?)

But with her growing up there also comes a sense that perhaps we should be further along the “potty trained” journey by now- since we have been doing it for 15 months!! Of course, it isn’t training. It is communication. And in the communication stakes we are doing superbly- oh yes. She ALWAYS tells us as she is doing a wee, even if it IS on the new carpet.

There is something brilliant about Ramona saying “POO”, walking up to the potty, sitting down and doing her business. She has been doing that since she was about 15 months old, it blew our minds the first time, and even now gives us a huge smile to see the communication effort paying off. Other signs she needs to go include grabbing her bum, patting the potty, looking very serious indeed, and pausing. (Yeah, she really doesn’t pause for any other reason!) In fact, there is a particuarly style of Serious Pause which usually means she already has a turtlehead.

With this big leap in communication comes a tiny bit of disappointment too, when it doesn’t go to plan. Until now it has been quite easy to be breezy about the misses, but now, because we know she can communicate effectively and even sit her self down on the potty, it is a challenge not to let manipulative language in, or show signs of frustration. The last thing we want is hang ups over taking a dump.

We have by no means nailed this but still I thought this would be a nice opportunity to share…

Elimination Communication Tips:

1- The Baby Bjorn Potty Chair – when Ramona was tiny we had a little Baby Bjorn Potty, it was gorgeous but fell out of my bag on to some train tracks when we were going camping last summer. To replace it I got the BB potty chair, for £1 from Ebay. It is MAHUSIVE and I was gutted at first. But, because it is so sturdy, it means she can climb on and off and has been brilliant in fostering some independence about it all

2- Keeping the potty in the same, visible place everyday, so Ramona knows exactly where to find it.

3- The Born Ready website– a totally honest, warm community of people doing Nappy Free with their little ones. It has been such an encouragement. Also the lively Facebook group found by searching EC UK.

4- Keeping on communicating. When she has a miss we routinely say “OH! It’s a wee, wee wee goes in the potty!” and then sitting her on the potty for a little bit. We hold back any negativity. It is lovely when she grabs a rag too, and helps clean up her pee.

5- Putting nappies on. This is controversial as some wonderful ECers suggest not to. But putting nappies on every so often when we REALLY don’t want a puddle has helped us to relax and being relaxed is probably one of the most important attributes in all of this. Little ones pick up our cues so perfectly.

6- Commitment to noises like PSST. It is remarkable how doing the PSST cue encourages Ramona to take a whizz. If she is a bit distracted doing PSST just seems to help her release her bladder.

7- High entertainment. There are certain times of the day that sitting on the potty is obviously just the perfect activity – namely upon waking. However sometimes she is so into her playing it just seems mean to interrupt. Instead we incorporate potty time- putting the potty in front of the Superhero Base (otherwise known as the Dolls House) or getting out all the best books. (I am editing this a few years later and I am not sure about this tip! I actually think that a child’s autonomy should let them do what they want with their bodies and if they don’t want to sit on the potty we shouldn’t try and manipulate that.)

Ramona finding a tree to wee by

I have earlier on this blog suggested that elimination communication isn’t necessarily for everyone. But I think I might backtrack now. Not because I think parents need anymore pressure put on them – to add cleaning up rogue wees and chasing nakey crawlers around the lounge, or any more burdens of “Eek, I should be doing this” to shoulder.

But because I think a form of elimination communication is accessible to every parent and will often times even EASE the strain of parenting. It is simply a case of adding in a bit more talk when you observe them doing their business – expressing from a tiny age exactly what is going on with their bodily functions, or, if you see your baby pushing out a wee turd, whipping of the nappy, holding them over a loo. A tiny wipe and clean up is done, nappy saved. For some babies, like the little guy mentioned earlier, getting help with the elimination could eliminate a whole lot of angst.

It seems such a shame that Nappy Free is seen as going all out- when it is essentially just about communication, something every parent is already doing.

Are you doing normal potty training, or a form of elimination communication? Have you found anything particularly ace/ hard?