Reconciling Unhealthy Marriages

(1)activeallegiance to God. (James 4:7) When we submit to the temptation of our tongue, our passions, our pride we are declaring our allegiance to the devil!?! That’s not the way we think. We tend to think we made a mistake. When we choose sides we are declaring active allegiance to either God or the evil one. Allegiance is submission to Christ through His Word.

(2) deliberate fellowship with God. (James 4:8a) Following Jesus is more than resisting. Redeemed people long for communion with God. When Christ is the center, relationships tend to align, but removing Christ from the center is like attempting to remove the sun from the center of the solar system. Reading your Bible on a daily basis will do wonders for your personal relationship with each other. Are you on a regular Bible reading plan? How are you nurturing this intentional relationship with God?

(3) personal cleansing before God. (James 4:8b) Cleansing your hands refers to the OT ceremony of a priest washing his hands before offering a sacrifice. Lest we think this is only ceremonial and only external, we are reminded to purify our heart because Christian people who live in relational conflict are living double-minded.

(4) willful mourning beforeGod.(James 4:9) James reveals that Christian people can think lightly of their sin that it appears to be a joke. Something to be laughed at, rather than mourning. Before you call your spouse to repentance and reconciliation you ought to mourn over your own sin and failures. Christian people are forgiving and gracious people not because we are large-hearted individuals, but rather we forgive and give grace because we have been the recipients of lavish, undeserved, unmeasurable grace.

(5) intentional humility before God. This last command sums up the preceding nine. (James 4:10) Humility confesses sin. Humility invites accountability. Humility dares to reconcile. Humility holds no grudges. Humility sees the worst in your spouse and choose to love anyway. Humility fights through the pride of being right and confers forgiveness and restoration.