The Miss Cowbell Pageant, the biggest event in town, is about to start. Being South Park, it will involve crossdressing, whorish little sisters, gender politics, sabotage, and a grand prize of 10,000 dollars. And, of course, Jesus.

Hi, guys! This is my first fan fic (under this name, at least). I really don't have any idea where this is going, but I guess I'll just roll with it. For now, it's going to be a Wendy/Cartman slash fic, but it could easily change at any minute.

Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

Ch. 1: Mister Cowbell

In any small town, there are three major events of the year. There's the high school Homecoming game. There's the county fair. And then there's the pageant. The last one was coming up in South Park.

This year, as usual, Mayor McDaniels, Officer Barbrady, and Big Gay Al would be the judges of the Miss Cowbell Pageant. They had booked Jesus to host. They decided not to repeat Jimbo's performance last year, where he had accidentally shot Bluebell the Second, the official Miss Cowbell Pageant Cow. Bluebell the Third would make her debut this year.

As soon as the flyers went out, every girl in town between the ages of 14 and 18 got caught up in the pre-pageant preparations. Actually, that wasn't entirely true. Wendy Testaburger, feminist, vegetarian, and rumored lesbian, had not expressed any interest at all in signing up. The balance was tipped, however, because one boy had his eye on becoming Miss Cowbell, and on the prize.

"What?" Mayor McDaniels asked her aides, as she looked over the flyers. "Where the hell did we get $10,000 for a stupid beauty contest?"

"Whatever. This is the biggest thing that happens in this hick town, anyway. We might as well splurge." She sighed. "Do I really have to judge it again?"

"I'm afraid so," said Fred. Due to Ted's untimely demise during that unfortunate incident with the zombies back in '07, Fred had been her aide for the past eight years. The mayor groaned.

"By the way, you had a letter concerning the pageant." Johnson handed the mayor an envelope. She rolled her eyes, grabbed the letter, and opened it. Her eyes scanned over the letter, gradually growing wider as they read to the end. When Mayor McDaniels reached the end, however, it all made sense.

"Oh, goddammit."

Eric Cartman was in the middle of his daily naptime, known to the rest of the world as Pre-Cal, when he vaguely felt Kenny hitting his arm.

"Huh?"

"You're being called to the principal's office, fatass," his nominal best friend told him. Cartman smiled. He got up and waddled out the door.

When the seventeen-year-old finally reached the principal's office, he saw the blue-haired mayor. His grin only got wider.