Final Revisionist Disclaimer:So it's been a very long time but I've finally decided to give all the old bullshit on here the axe, and start anew with essays and such that actually reflect who I am now, as opposed to who I was 5-6 years ago. This will be an ongoing process, and as such, there will be sections that have finally been updated (starting with this one), and sections that have not. Of course, I never want to hide who I've been, just as I never want to hide who I am now. That being the case, I'll be leaving the old stuff up while I rewrite, for two reasons; the first is that a lot of this stuff is still true and accurate; the second is purely for entertainment purposes, both yours and mine. I had a tendency to flirt with megalomaniacal douchebaggery from time to time, something that, in retrospect, is fucking hillarious to me now (and hopefully to anyone who reads this trash :). Anyhow, I will mark the sections that haven't been changed yet with ***asterisks***; please take those sections with a grain of salt, and feel free to ask me anything you like about them, or just ask anything in general. I'm here for conversation far more than anything else. Thank you for visiting!

I am a 35-year-old stay-at-home dad to a fantastically, wonderfully stupendous hurricane of a 2-year-old boy. He is my entire world; my hopes, my dream, my fears, and my joys, all wrapped into an tyranically adorable little package. I think it goes without saying that if you're the kind of person that hates kids and never wants to be around or even hear about them, you should probably move along now.

I've been married to my incredible wife for 4 1/2 years now, and we've been together for over 8 years ("thehardysarehot" here on OkCupid, please feel free to check her out). She is my partner in crime, the mother of the best thing that's ever happened to either of us, and my absolute favorite fellow degenerate on Earth. For the most part, we are total opposites (just listen to "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul. That's us. Also, I had that album when I was a kid, and I danced to it all the time), but the main thing that we have in common is a fondness for what we've recently come to call "scumbaggery". While neither one of us has any desire to relive our early 20's outright, the things we found entertaining, inspiring, or attractive then are, more or less, the things enjoy when we're alone together now, usually after our son goes to bed. This includes card games, board games, video games, movies, tv shows, getting inebriated in some fashion or another, decorating my basement (it's MINE) to look like the scuzziest bachelor pad you can possibly imagine, having similarly degenrate friends over to share in the afore-mentioned activities, not answering the question, "Hey, what's the old mattress in the corner of your basement for?", sharing and comparing all the interesting ladies we find on here or Tinder, hoarding a bunch of random shit we probably don't need, hoarding a bunch of random shit we DEFINITELY don't need, and porn.

I assume if you haven't stopped reading at this point, then you also have occasionally watched it as well. I also assume that if you HAVE stopped reading at this point... then you also have occasionally watched it as well. Or you're watching it right now.

It's all good, folks. Carry on.

What I’m doing with my life

Chasing after a 2-year-old all day. It's a miracle I'm finding time to write this, and even now I have an eye on him, ready to spring out of this chair at a moments' notice. So that's 90% of my time right now; the other 10% is split between writing music (more on that in the following section), cooking some pretty good stuff here and there, the occasional video game (I'll list them with movies and such), card games like Magic: The Gathering (I am an unrepentant, unabashed nerd),Cards Against Humanity (doesn't everyone these days?), Fluxx, Poker, Munchkin, etc., spending time with my wife, and hanging out with friends and family. Looking to get back into actively participating in our local music scenery, and my wife and I go on road trips whenever we can. Love The Adirondacks, Vermont, Boston, Providence, NYC (especially the Bronx; my wife and I both bleed pinstripes), Washington DC, Baltimore, Las Vegas, Lake George, and Niagara Falls (where we spent our honeymoon). Being 420 friendly. Wondering why the depth and breadth of human interaction has so many labels and designations these days. My favorite is "ethically non-monogamous polyamory". Also known as "being single". Of course I respect all my poly friends' views and ideas, I'm just joking here! I mean, it is a little nuts how many crazy labels for gender, sexual preferrence, etc. there are; why not have a little fun with it? For the record, I am a human male who prefers intimate companionship in strictly female form, and my wife is a human female who enjoys intimate company in any human form. Our agenda in meeting new people is simple; how about we just have a conversation now, and worry about where it all goes later.... Sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas is the reason we're all here in the first place, and whatever materializes from that process works best when it's natural and honest. Bullshit is for people who are afraid of life.

I’m really good at

Songwriting. Guitar. The Metal. It's nice to be at a point, after nearly 20 years of practice and growth, where I'm capable of translating what I hear in my head into audible form, but I'm never satisfied until what I'm creating is as it should be. Thankfully, I am more than capable of making that happen, but unfortunately, the music in my head almost never stops, and it can be quite distracting. You may hear me humming randomly. I may be lost in the conversation. I owe my wife a thousand apologies for such transgressions, though I think she understands why it happens. I am very passionate about music, often impulsively so. Ask my wife, friends, and fellow musicians how hysterical it is to watch me conduct and explain the music to them. I get really animated about it. I only wish I could go back to school, so maybe I could compose, produce, and teach music for a living in some capacity.

I hope to be really good at parenting and husband...ing? Somebody will have to tell me if I ever end up being a good husband and/or father, since I never feel adequate at either. My family tells me I'm being neurotic just because I worry about everything possible at any time, all the time, every day. They're probably right. I only hope to fight through it, and teach my children to do the same.

The first things people usually notice about me

...is that I talk. I talk a lot. Verbal communication is still our greatest accomplishment as a species, and I intend to use it as much as possible to learn all I can before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I would encourage you to do the same, and anyone who has a problem with it can go fuck themselves!

I would also add that I get a lot of comments about my beard. Apparently, beards are "in" these days. Not really sure how something men have been doing since the dawn of our existence is suddenly a part of pop culture, but then, I don't understand pop culture anyway. For a term that seems close to all-inclusive like "popular culture", it sure does exclude an awful lot of very cool things.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I haven't read a good book since 'Gump & Co.', the sequel to 'Forrest Gump'. My all-time favorites include 'A Brave New World', by Aldous Huxley, 'The Green Mile' series, by Steven King (and several of his other books, I might add), and the entire 'My Teacher is an Alien' series, by Bruce Coville (I like kids books, they're more fun. Adult novels tend to take themselves way too seriously).

Movies: Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, Raging Bull, Scorcese in general; The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit trilogies, any Star Wars or Star Trek movies (I am both a Trekkie and a Jedi), anything by Kevin Smith, 50 First Dates (our favorite date-night feel-good romantic comedy) as well as most Adam Sandler movies (hated Click and Spanglish). Die Hard films, Terminator & Terminator 2, Conan the Barbarian, Lethal Weapon films, Beverly Hills Cop movies, Alien films, Predator movies, Taken films, Hannibal Lecter movies, films, movies, films, and more movies. I know it sounds like I like typical guy/nerd stuff, but I will watch The Notebook again if properly motivated (i.e. you ask nicely).

More to come, fucking laptop deleted 3 paragraphs while I was on MUSIC.

The six things I could never do without

This section will probably never change, other than when we have more kids, so:1. My son and my wife.2. My friends and family.3. My hands. Duh, I play guitar.4. My 10-track portable recording studio.5. My guitars (even the ones I've ruined).6. My penis. Hey, you asked.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

***Music. I'm always writing something in my head.***

On a typical Friday night I am

***Hanging out with the guys and drinking Smithwick's (The only Irish thing I like! For all the Irish girls, I'm kidding of course. It's not your fault you can't survive without a potato. I understand.).***

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

***Nothing. Ask me anything, and I'll give you a straight-up answer. I'm very open and honest about just about everything.***

You should message me if

***You're bored or stuck in a rut. I can always find something entertaining to do or to talk about.

You should also message me if you are into couples, since my wife and I are always looking to meet new and interesting ladies (which is why I'm looking for bi girls only). Again, her name on here is thehardysarehot, you should go check her out. We love to hang out, watch movies and play games.

You should especially message me if you like Heavy Metal in any way, shape, or form. I have a list of favorite bands in my 1st journal entry, and if we share any favorites you should definitely let me know. I don't get many opportunities to talk to women that are into the same music as me, and it sucks balls. Go back and read my profile again, you'll understand why this is VERY important to me.

You should not message me if you are vain or arrogant, or if you get all dolled up just to go to Wal-Mart. You are not special, you are not unique, and you shouldn't let it bother you to the point where you go all supermodel just to buy a fucking pair of Southpole jeans. Above all, you're not too good for ANYONE, so get off you're goddamn high horse right now. Just be you, and if I don't like you, oh fucking well, it ain't the end of the world!

On the reverse side of things, I'm not huge into clingy, OCD women. I like to be flattered, but I don't like to be smothered, k? Nobody falls in love in a month, no matter what every girl I've ever met in my entire life seems to think. Yeah, you all heard me! You know who you are!

Also, while we're on the subject of messages, would eveyone reading this please just message me back when I say "hi"? Honestly, what does it take, like, 5 fucking seconds to type in "fuck off" if you don't want to talk to me? Of course, you'd be really dumb for saying it, but at least I could stop worrying that my browser is broken. Fuck.***