Musings From A Musical Mind

The other day I was out with Greg after a long exhausting day – first to a friends’ memorial service and then to a wedding – back to back. Talk about the range of emotions! And the day before that we had taken a long road trip to visit our new puppy. So we went from happy to sad back to happy in a very short amount of time.

At the end of the wedding – we decided to stop at Forza, a coffee place in Puyallup, for a coffee and muffin to share. While there, seated at a high table with matching high chairs – we were sipping our coffee and we began reflecting on the couple of days. Because there were other customers in the coffee shop, one that was directing behind Greg’s left shoulder, I had to talk to him in “code”.

You know – the “code”. The kind of talk that two people should understand when living with someone as long as we have. It’s “talking” – but not really saying anything. Smaller words – hand gestures, eye contact and facial expressions. And because the subject was delicate and sensitive – especially the memorial service – I was trying to be “discreet”.

Women totally understand this “code” and use it often. For example, when I’m with my daughter in public – all we have to do is look at each other – or she raises her eyebrows and looks at something and I know EXACTLY what she means. All in a “look”.

What I forgot when using this “code” on Greg is that he most definitely is NOT a woman. Nor does he understand the “code” at all. It was disheartening and hilarious at the same time. Here I was trying to be “discreet” and all sly, using gestures and silent communication – thinking, “he will get this – he looks interested, but puzzled – but I’m sure he’s just mulling it over” – so I kept going. Only to have him (some minutes later) say to me, “Huh? – I don’t get it”

I realized that this “code” works only for women – and occasionally I forget that Greg is NOT like me – but he’s a MAN. Oh – I know that he’s a man – and believe me – I wouldn’t want it any other way – but sometimes it’s frustrating because he doesn’t use the “code”.

We ended the conversation with much laughter – all the way out to the car – me explaining that I didn’t want the WHOLE coffee shop knowing what I was trying to be discreet about. And S P E L L I N G I T O U T wouldn’t exactly have been the best way to do this. It was a great moment for both of us – and showed us that as much as we get along and are great friends – he will NEVER be able to think like a woman – and I will NEVER be able to think like a man.

No, I will need my daughter and woman friends – if I want to talk in “code” out in public – and maybe it’s better this way, after all 🙂

Have you ever used a “code” when talking in public? Has someone used the “code” on you” And if you’re a man reading this, you’re probably saying, “What is a “code”?”

I’ve definitely used “code” with friends…back in my younger days, before I was a Christian, we would go watch bands play at some of the local “watering holes”. We would often talk about the band members in “code” creating false names for them – mostly because they would remind us of other people or cartoon characters (yes, cartoon characters) we knew. There was one guy who actually looked quite similar to Mr. Burns on the Simpsons (though not old or goofy looking). We nicknamed him “Burns”…only we knew who we were talking about, so no one else would know who we would be referring to if they overheard us.

Hi Shelley! I’m glad you’re back! Did you get all moved to the West Coast too? I’ve missed seeing your smiling face in comments! Yes – that reminds me of a junior high friend of mine – we used to make up nicknames for the guys on the bus – based on scrabble games we had played – I know that doesn’t make any sense – they weren’t even real words – one guy was “Kerimew” I still remember that after all these years! He didn’t know we were talking about him when we said his name in “code” – so funny!

Now Cindy. You know men don’t pick up the subtleties of a code . They don’t even pick up on much body language. A woman could be coughing, sneezing and wheezing. Her friend will walk in and say, “Oh you poor sick thing!” and her dh will say, “You’re sick?”

I adore the code I have with my bff. It makes me feel so completely known and loved and appreciated. Maybe that sounds like I’m taking it too far, but I really feel that this is one of the greatest things about long lasted friendships. 🙂