Livin’ on a Square

It’s Tuesday, and unlike Thug Life Thursday, I don’t have a particularly cool term for this day of the week. Why? For starters it’s too close to Monday and it’s far too boring for my liking. Nothing remotely remarkable seems to happen on a Tuesday (well, not in my experience anyway). So I guess I could say for the purpose of this post that I dub thee Tuesday, “Terribly Average Tuesday.”

This weekend was more festive than my friend Kyle Roodt at a Sharks home game. I would never dare take his name in vain like this, let alone even dream of using this term lightly, because 99.9% of the time, there can never be anything (or anyone) even half as festive as Roodt at a Sharks home game. That being said, my weekend consisted of G & T’s at Remo’s (a killer Italian place in the city of Durban), my sister’s bachelorette party and a booze-fueled bus trip to Makaranga the next day with a bunch of absolute hooligans to watch Goldfish (a proudly South African DJ duo). Needless to say I am thoroughly exhausted, down one pair of my favourite heels that never made it home, covered in bruises I cannot possibly determine the origin of and worst of all, feeling somewhat more voluptuous than I had been on Friday morning. Destiny’s Child once said, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly” and they were absolutely right, I wasn’t…

Monday morning saw me channeling my inner Olivia Newton John in her “Physical” video (minus the 80’s gym gear but with equally fabulous hair). I was utterly determined to sweat out all of the alcohol that had left me with breath able to ignite every braai across the nation on the day of a Springbok test match (and I was going to do so, even if it killed me). Two gym sessions and only two (yes only two) mini snickers bars later, I felt well on my way to being back on the (relatively) healthy wagon. Winning! But when I realized that my chocolate cravings were stronger than a Daft Punk and Kanye West collaboration, I knew I had to do something about it. You see, I’m a problem solver. And when you combine my love for chocolate and knack for problem solving together, that’s when the magic happens!

My purpose upon entering the kitchen was no small task, a protein packed snack that doubled as a sweet treat. Why, “Livin’ on a Square”? Well, those who know me well enough will know that I live my life through song lyrics, and like Bon Jovi says in “Livin’ on a Prayer”, “we gotta hold on to what we’ve got” and what “we got” in the pantry is peanut butter, honey, rolled oats, whey protein and coconut. The fundamentals for a damn good protein bar. (Shout out to Bon Jovi, you guys were and still are the heat).

Tuesdays may be average but you know what isn’t… My Protein Power Squares. These things pack more muscle than the cast of Expendables 3. They’re for those that are about to klap gym, have already klapped gym or are even just thinking about klapping gym, boet. Everyone knows you’ve got to do the curls to get the girls, but even if you’re looking for a healthier treat to cut down on your sugar intake, these Protein Power Squares are for you. But jokes aside, I love these and cut them into smaller cubes so that they’re more like bite-sized bits of pure protein goodness. This way, I can pretend I’m eating chocolate truffles. And you know what, it’s totally believable because they really are that good. Plus, store bought protein bars may help to pump up the biceps but they’re more inclined to deflate your wallet. (I’m going to use the cash I’ll be saving to purchase a new pair of heels in place of Saturday night’s casualties. It’s bittersweet for me, and I somehow feel like Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers, “We lost a lot of good men out there.”)

You can make these Protein Power Squares any flavour you damn well please, I am in no way telling you that they have to be chocolate (before you get all, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t know what cereal I eat!”). For the record, I’m a “Special K” kinda gal, just in case you were wondering…

I also make use of Optimum Nutrition’s Gold Standard Whey Protein, Chocolate Coconut flavour. It really is a game-changer and I swear you will never look back. Shout out to Optimum Nutrition, I would like some whey protein for my troubles (Rocky Road, Creamy Vanilla and of course Chocolate Coconut are my favourites, but I’d love to test out more. Ha). If you already have a protein powder that you swear by, again, feel free to use that bad boy, and again I reiterate, the flavour is up to you. Many work well with the peanut butter in this recipe, I have used banana, vanilla and caramel flavoured whey proteins and they all turn out great. But take it from me, chocolate and peanut butter are a winning combination and I’m almost certain you will never look back. Unless of course you don’t like chocolate (you sicko).

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you on this Terribly Average Tuesday, my Protein Power Squares.

1) In a large glass bowl, microwave the honey and peanut butter for 90 seconds.
2) Add whey protein and other add Ins.
3) Mix to form a dough, first with a spoon and then with your hands.
4) Press into a rectangular ceramic or glass dish, wrap in cling wrap and refrigerate for 2 hours.
5) Cut into squares and keep refrigerated in a sealed container.