A little bit of ridiculous fic

Hammond looked down at the mission report resting on the table, then back up at SG-1, eyes moving from one member to the next, disbelief written clearly across his face. "Let me get this straight...the Mayflower--the most advanced ship Earth has ever produced--is currently disabled and stranded on another planet because it was hit by a two-hundred-yard turkey?"

"Yes, sir," Jack said, straight-faced.

"A turkey," Hammond repeated. "We're talking about a bird here. The kind we eat at Thanksgiving."

Daniel ignored the interruption and kept his attention on Hammond. "Obviously the earth species doesn't grow to quite that size," he continued.

"We think it may have been a mutated version," Sam added.

"Mutated?"

"Yes, sir. Either naturally, perhaps though exposure to a naturally-occurring mutagen, or deliberately. Possibly as a result of a Goa'uld experiment."

Hammond drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Why would the Goa'uld want a turkey capable of supplying half the state with Christmas dinner?"

"I asked the very same question, sir," Jack said.

"Well, presumably they planned to extend the technology to other creatures once they perfected it," Daniel said. "Goa'uld warriors, maybe? Or...elephants?" He paused as four sets of eyes settled on him skeptically, then held up a hand in defeat. "Yeah, okay, I've got nothing."

Hammond returned to the report. "So this turkey. Why didn't the Mayflower detect it before it hit them?"

"We don't know," Sam said. "Their equipment was damaged in the collusion, so we're still trying to sort out the details. There may have been some sort of malfunction in their sensors."

"Or maybe they froze at the sight of a giant space turkey hurtling toward them," Jack said dryly.

"Fortunately they were able to make it down to the planet before the ship's engines failed," Sam said. "The crew evacuated through the local stargate, and we were able to send out a repair team."

"You go away for a few days..." Hammond shook his head. "You know, if this were April, I'd swear this whole report was a practical joke."

"I promise that every word is the absolute truth," Jack said.

"I believe you, Colonel. But only it's so unbelievable there's no way any of you would have made it up. All right. Keep me apprised of any updates, and let's get the Mayflower home as soon as we can."