BloggerChicks

Feb 15, 2007

A message to the unsupportive husband -- aka "Mama's Boy" (with credit due to Dr. Phil)

Your loyalty needs to be with your wife. Period. Regardless of the pressure you are under from your Mother, your primary loyalty needs to be with the wife that you chose and the family you created together. Your Mother needs to know that if it came down to it, you’d choose your wife over her. (If you don’t truly feel this way, move back in with Mommy.)

If your wife has a problem with your Mother, it is your job to help fix it. Even if you want to avoid the tension and hide in your cave, you can’t make your wife your messenger. Just check with your wife before you speak with your mother so that you present a united front.

Don't invite your parents into your marital problems. Don't turn to your parents when you are having issues in your marriage. If they repeatedly hear only the bad things about your wife, they will remember them. Then, they aren’t involved when you make up and they’ll build a cumulative case against your wife.

Step up, be a man and set boundaries. Let your mother know that it is not OK to disrespect your wife and to invade your privacy. Talk to her about boundaries -- she is not as fragile as you may think. Reassure her that you aren’t shutting her out, just protecting your marriage.

Call your mother! It’s not your wife’s job to remember to call her, or her birthday or mothers’ day. Take responsibility for your relationship with your mother. When you don’t call, visit or send a gift, it’s the DIL who is blamed – not her ‘darling’ son.

I've been dating my boyfriend, a self-confessed mama's boy, for five years and have only recently started noticing how truly manipulative, controlling and intrusive his mother is. When we've had hard times, she's stepped in and helped us, so I took it with a grain of salt. What I didn't realize, is that she's stepping in and continuing to help her son when he has problems, financial or otherwise, and he lets her. For example, he had his cell phone turned off and she went ahead and set up a home phone, in the apartment that we share, in her name! She also set up high speed internet for him too, also in her name. I've started noticing how she rescues him in situations like this. He doesn't ask me to. But also, it's gotten to the point where I have lost respect for him, am really considering not marrying him anymore, after all, what kind of husband would he make when he lets his mother save him like this? I also haven't been able to bring myself to have sex with him since this time either. I just find the whole situation so disgusting, that I can't bring myself to even find him attractive. Is there any hope for him? Do I have a right to intervene and say something to him, even though I'm not married to him yet, but have been with him for 5 years?Help!

My mother-in-law once screamed right in my face calling me a 'psycho-bitch' because I was having an argument, in my own home, with my husband. She stood up for him as she thought he was losing. She went way too far and will not apologise. I can't talk to her until she acknowledges her behaviour. Our first child is due in 3 months so i'm hoping she appologises because she really makes a good grandma- just a lousy mother-in-law. May i just add, my husband never stood up for me when she did this and I think I lost respect for him.