funny status

Because I and apparently so many other continue to enjoy my best Facebook stati post of 2010, I have done the same again this year. As last year, here is a selection of my Facebook stati over the past year that I thought emerged from the better recesses of my mind and my wanderings over the Internet. New and improved: now I have included images and videos! Lol.

* One of the things that I do like about OKCupid is that it sends me several emails a month saying “Someone HAS RATED YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE. How awesome is that?” Which is, you know, nice.

* Sarah: “Why do we have a signed photo of Jean Claude Van Damme on the wall?” *Argument erupts between both parents about who put the photo there and why. Both deny responsibility.*

* In other news, Mo Saqib lost his latest bid for power and didn’t get elected to Block. Still a cheat though, lest we forget.” [This isn’t funny or interesting, I just want everyone to know he cheated in his election campaign.]

* After undergrad you think you know everything, after a master’s you realise you know nothing, after a PhD, you know that that’s ok cos no-one else knows anything either.

* Ah, the sun is out, I am wearing shorts, this can only mean one thing – MASS CONSUMPTION OF HUMMOUS.

* You know the point at which you are absent-mindedly inserting cell spacing into a html table in your PHP template footer is probably the point at which you have lost the right to say “oh, I know nothing about building websites”.

* Folks who tell me that animals aren’t people have never seen a guinea pig establish just how pissed off it is with you despite not having eyebrows or facial expressions.

* “In the film, the anarchist revolutionary V incites the population of Britain to don his mask and rise up against the government, because nothing captures the spirit of anarchy better than a mob of people in identical uniforms unquestioningly obeying one man.”

* “I got back and was talking to- oh, I’ve forgotten her name again. A girl with an odd name.” “Maeve?” “Yeah, Maeve.”

* Dear bank: if your “secure payment systems” are so secure I can’t use them, it’s not me losing money.

* Miles: “By what standard am I a member of the Green Party?” Me: “They’ve just sent you election ballot papers in the post?” Miles: “Good point”. Miles Battye, possibly the only person in the world who could’ve accidentally joined the Green Party.

* Sarah McCulloch has had many guinea pigs: Robbie, Oscar, Alfred, Vivian, Cyril… and Squash. Guess which one I didn’t name…

* “These days, the equivalent [of Dante’s Inferno] would be if Eminem released a 40-track album in which he personally named you and called you a fuckhead in every single song, and it went triple Platinum.”

* “Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.”

* It’s 1:12pm in the McCulloch-Allen household, and so far only Sarah has managed to get dressed. Mummy McCulloch has scribbled some cooking times on some of the packets from Marks and Spencer and wandered off, Patrick got up half an hour ago, and Cyril, Vivian and Alfred have all been picked up and petted repeatedly and are dealing with their trauma by munching hay and freaking out at the sound of someone coughing.

* Anon1: “How are you eating?!” Anon2:” With great interest and not a little anaesthesia.”

* Sarah: “Eww, this knife has lube on it.” Five minutes later, Jess picks up the same knife. Jess: “Eww, you’re right…”

*

* Sarah is not in the office right now, but please leave a message and she will ignore it until she is back from funtimes with Robbie Court.

* “Would you be prepared to die for what you believe in?” “Absolutely, but right now it’s a hugely inefficient use of resources.”

* John Copestake: “No, I’m sorry, they can’t do whatever they want just because they put up a sign. I could put up a sign saying that I will eat your spleen if you go into my garden, but that doesn’t mean I can.”

* Sarah McCulloch is just so efficient sometimes she just wants to reward herself with a biscuit.

* Me to mum: “Why the hell are you wearing a shirt with the mandelbrot set on it? That’s so geeky!” Mum to me: “Says the girl who’s wearing a shirt with an IPv4 related joke on it?”

* Perhaps Ste Monaghan and Robi Folkard can explain the symbolism of the part of my dream that involved sex with Ed Miliband. Am I subconsciously expressing my desire for collectivist reformism? :P

* And switching between my Digg, Twitter, Facebook and blog, checking stats, tweaking content and adding friends, I realised I was Geek.

* Sarah McCulloch doesn’t think words can really express the feeling on seeing the words “Add as friend” next to someone to whom they should never have been attached.