You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, Dickie Jo’s and Five Guys, fight to the death.

What we have here is a battle between two In-N-Out look-a-likes. One has closely followed the In-N-Out formula. The other has layered on a homey marketing story and slightly warmer feeling in the decor. Both have fortunately not copied In-N-Out’s annoying delusional bible verses on the packaging. Which one will take the prize, i.e. not die? I be the judge.

Decor:
-Five Guys is basic white with touches of red. It’s clean and open feeling. The menu is very easy to understand.
-Dickie Jo’s has added some class/comfort by softening the color palette and adding a few more decorative touches.

Dickie Jo’s wins this round.

Staffing:
-Five Guys has a nice mixture of staffing: College kids for the fun aspect, Mexican guys so that something actually gets done, and a nice “Flo the waitress”-type lady at the cash register.
-Dickie Jo’s is mostly all college kids. Blonde cheerleaders working the cash register hugely fake-smile as if they’re pledging your sorority.

Five Guys takes this round. Laughs in Dickie Jo’s face.

Ordering:
-Both have simple menus. Burgers, fries, and a couple other things which I have never tried. Line up, order your food, then go to your table. Dickie Jo’s delivers the food to your table. Five Guys calls out your number and gives you the food in a brown paper bag whether you are eating it there or taking it away.

Dickie Jo’s “accidentally” pokes Five Guys in the eye this round.

Price:
-About the same, but Five Guys’ servings seem significantly larger. Honestly, I have not paid much attention to the prices, but if you are concerned about it, you can save some money by eating at McDonald’s just down the street.

Five Guys raises an eyebrow and makes the witty/cliche comment that “size matters”.

Burger:
-Construction: Five Guys’ burger is larger and sloppier/juicier.
-Bun: Five Guys’ bun is a little sweeter tasting than Dickie Jo’s. Dickie Jo’s bun has a better, less-white-bready texture.
-Condiments: All Five Guys’ extras on the burger are free. Dickie Jo’s nickel & dimes you (actually, they 49-cent you) to death for things like mushrooms or grilled onions.
-Beef Taste: Five Guys’ beef is delicious and juicy. Dickie Jo’s is OK, but smaller in size, plus they add a-freakin’-lot o’ salt/seasoning.

Five Guys shouts “boo yah!” like a drunk frat rat at the end of this round.

Fries:
-Dickie Jo’s has improved their fries from their early days of “oily worms”. The worms are now more crispy. A member of the staff still comes to your table to offer to grind fresh pepper on your fries…which is still a dumb and pointless way to establish a brand identity.
-Five Guys’ fries are neither greasy nor crispy worms. In fact, they are sorta the opposite, i.e. they are dry-ish/brown-ish/stubby-ish pieces of potato. Overall quite tasty, but something tells me that eating one serving of these fries deletes fifteen minutes from the end of your life.

Five Guys slams the ball through the hoop and lands on Dickie Jo’s back on the way down.

Summary: Five Guys triumphs. Dickie Jo’s has some serious catching up to do. That said, Dickie Jo’s has made significant improvements to their business in the past (see Dickie Jo’s full review), so let’s see how they respond to this latest challenge.

Little Big Burger is good. Not great, but good. The burgers really are little, but they are around about half the price of Five Guys’ burgers, so it’s still a good value. Will write a real review one of these days.