A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?''Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves were sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves do.

Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two other ones had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where to.

More stress!

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the ski boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys everywhere.

Totally frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the booze and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he dropped the coffee cup and it broke into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw that it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a cute little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree, fat man?"

And that my friend is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree ! ! !