March 28 Dear Katy

March 24, 2000

I am so confused about my boyfriend. We've only been together a month, but things haven't been all that great. One minute he acts like he cares, and the next he's so cold to me. He never talks about how he feels, and I never know what he's thinking. The thing is, I've had such a huge crush on him for two years and we finally got together. I don't want to give up on him. How can I make things better between us?

- Feeling Used

Dear Feeling Used,

Are you sure it's him you don't want to give up, or the relationship you've been fantasizing about for two years? Often when you have a crush on someone you build him up so much in your mind that he could never measure up. Could that possibly be the case with the two of you?

You said that you want to make things better between the two of you.

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Just because that's what you really want doesn't mean it's going to happen. You can't will a relationship to work. It takes time and effort from two people.

Did you ever stop and think that maybe this guy just isn't right for you? Like I said before, when you're infatuated with someone, especially for a long time, you tend to be blinded by who they really are. Sometimes once you really get to know him it's a shock to your system, because they end up being someone completely different from who you thought they were.

This guy doesn't seem to be the type you want to be in a relationship with. He doesn't discuss how he's feeling, and his behavior is inconsistent.

Maybe you're putting up with actions from him that you normally wouldn't, just because you've had a crush on him for so long.

Stop and think about the good things in your relationship. Do they outweigh all the bad? If so, then it's possible that the relationship is something you can work on. If not, then it's probably time to move on.

I understand that you've pined over this guy for two years and you're so relieved that you're finally together. However, not all things are worth waiting for.

Katy Huffer is a sophomore at Hagerstown Community College. Send e-mail to her at KHuffer@aol.com.