It’s been a long week for me, hence the 9-day blog hiatus.Yesterday was Eid al Fitr, a festival marking the end of Ramadan. During Ramadan, a month-long religious observance meant to purify the body and mind, Muslims are expected to abstain from food, drink and other pleasures from dawn to dusk.Removing these comforts from daily routine is intended to focus the mind on prayer, spirituality and charity. And every year around this time I get especially introspective.
At yesterday’s Eid prayers, I was swept away by the beauty of the moment; hundreds of people of different races and ethnicities gathered at the Islamic Center of Washington, D.C. to pray and thank God for guiding them through the month. Taking part in Eid festivities makes me proud of my rich cultural heritage. But it also wells up feelings of shame that I have been holding onto for a long time.

For years, I felt uncomfortable going to mosque. I didn’t like feeling like other people could tell that I was acting. I was convinced that others would only accept me as a Muslim if I performed “up to standard”. I would have to wear hijab, attend Arabic school, pray 5 times a day, abstain from sex until I was married, and avoid drinking or drug use in order to pass The Test. I made up a story that the world expected me to be polite, subdued, submissive, prude,chaste, quiet,serious, domestic, and BORING. My internal response system would say “Leave that alone–It’s haram!”and I would crawl back into my no-fun cave and judge myself for almost giving in to temptation. I spent years trying to be the Golden Child, at my own expense. My perfectionism was so self-centered; I burnt myself out chasing a dream that no one else actually cared about. I was so sure that everyone else was focused on me, that I forgot to focus on me. Foolishness.

Over the years, I have broken a lot of my religion’s “rules”. I don’t cover up–in fact, I rather enjoy a good Freakum Dress/peek-a-boo back/cleavage surprise. I pray formally when I can, and practice charity, gratitude, and mindfulness when I can’t. I go to mosque maybe twice a year. I curse like a sailor (but not in front of my parents–I’m grown but not that grown!))And i loooove me some whiskey. But I consider myself a card-carrying Muslim nonetheless, because I believe that my religion is for God’s consumption alone. My relationship with God and my level of piety are not up for evaluation. In other words, what others think about how I practice my spirituality is none of my business. It’s a lesson that has taken me a loooong time to learn. But knowing that I could enjoy a life of adventure and ratchetry (not a real word, but y’all know what I mean) and still feel complete serenity sweep over me at yesterday’s Eid prayers reminds me that God has not forgotten me. He knows who I am and what I stand for, and that’s what matters most, right? I’ll take your silence as agreement…

As I type this out, I question whether or not I should even publish this post. The last thing I want is to become a target for fundamentalist trolls. But if I want to help people pleasers release their need for others’ approval, I need to stand firm and release mine. Years of personal development work have taught me to recognize my Gremlin when he rears his ugly head and tries to stop me from going after what I want. I say “GET FROM BEHIND ME,GREMLIN, AND LET ME BE GREAT!”Shit.

I have invented the possibility of being fierce, free, fearless, and powerful. And today, I reclaim my power by refusing to be silenced. I am yelling from the mountaintops that it’s okay to be you. It’s okay to practice or not practice religion, and it’s okay to build your own unique relationship with whatever keeps you morally grounded and living on purpose. So, for all my Muslimah queens out there–hijabi, niqaabi, or unveiled–keep doing what works for you as far as your religious practice. Stand in solidarity with Muslims everywhere, even if their style is a bit different than yours. Not everyone is gonna drink the Kool-Aid, but that shouldn’t stop you from going about life the way you want to. In order to #livedeliciously, you need to decide how you want to stay grounded. The beauty of religion is that it’s up to you. So, Eid Mubarak, congratulations on getting through the fast, and turn up for taraweeh! PEACE

As a Delicious Living Coach, I help women like me how to be more sensual, intentional, and unapologetic go-getters. I am committed to helping as many other women as possible blossom into the women they want to be by challenging them to get crystal clear on who they want to become, what legacy they want to leave, and what a delicious life would look like for them. By teaching women how to lead with their strengths, identify their non-negotiables, develop assertiveness, establish boundaries, get in touch with their inner vixen, and practice extreme self-care, I am putting women back in the driver’s seat of their lives. Once a woman gives herself permission to live the life she wants, she is able to enjoy more fulfilling relationships, a soul-satisfying career, earth-shattering orgasms (hey now!), and the serenity that comes with complete self-acceptance.

Freedom is my core value and the lens through which I view the world. I believe that freedom means being immune to external pressures and detached from other people’s standards, opinions, or expectations. It means investing in your own outcomes and choosing what’s important to you.To be truly free is to trust that the Universe is conspiring in your favor. It is inventing your own possibilities and not waiting for permission to be great. Or having the courage to build your life around your dreams and make decisions from a place of power rather than fear. Freedom is recognizing that you owe it to yourself to make life fun. I got my first taste of freedom when I decided that self-preservation isn’t selfish, and that it’s okay to disappoint others as long as I am serving my highest self. I am responsible for teaching others how to treat me; every time someone violates me and I don’t address it, I communicate that my needs don’t matter.

Dream, Leap, Live was born out of a need to free myself from the prison of “What others might think.” I was my first client, and I continue to coach myself around setting my own standards. My life is my message. I am doing the work of exploring my hopes, fears, expectations, and strong suits. I am getting honest about my flaws, limiting beliefs, and inconsistencies. I dig deep to identify and re-frame disempowering stories about why I am the way I am. I honor my commitments by recognizing my self-sabotage and stopping it at the door. I hold myself accountable by sharing my goals with people that care enough to remind me when I’m slacking. I put myself out there by asking people to read my blog (I’m sensitive about my shit, so it’s a big step for me to invite people into my brain!)

I believe that every woman deserves a vibrant and delicious life that she doesn’t need to run away from. But if I want other women to drink the Kool-Aid, I have to take the first sip and show them that it’s safe. The journey to fierce, free, and fearless is demanding, but I think I’m up for the challenge. You coming?

A few days ago, I sat down with a student (let’s call her “Vicki”) to help her prepare for a job interview. After 10 minutes, I was exhausted. I asked her what she does better than most people she knows. I asked her what she has been recognized for by past supervisors. I asked her what she gets complimented on. I asked her what she does seemingly effortlessly. And she had nothing for me. I’ve been meeting with this student every week since mid- October, so I’ve gotten a pretty good grasp of what would make her desirable to an employer. But after 21 years of knowing herself, Vicki couldn’t identify a SINGLE strong suit. She really struggled to describe her strengths.But she had no problem listing her weaknesses and challenges, though…

I know Vicki is not alone in this.My question to you is: Why is it so damn difficult for women to say what they’re good at?

My guess is that we’re afraid to sound egotistical.When you think about it, humility is the ultimate compliment for a woman, and self-assurance is deemed masculine and unladylike. Somewhere along the way, we adopted the idea that women need to minimize their gifts, or dumb themselves down to be likable. We hide our superpowers so we won’t come off as conceited or unapproachable. God forbid we scare off our Knight in Shining Armor! (Cue eye roll.)

As a Delicious Living Consultant, it is my duty to do whatever I can to help the women around me find the courage to love themselves and create a life that reflects that. And I can’t do that if I’m constantly downplaying my skills and accomplishments to make people like me. Plus, when I focus on what I do well, I release pressure to excel in all areas.(I’m a perfectionist, so this helps me sleep better!)

Sometimes it feels impossible to move past the flood of media messages insisting that I am not enough. Not rich enough. Not toned enough. Not pretty enough. Not accomplished enough.Not girly enough. The list goes on. But I decided that I am done letting that noise dictate my worth. I am enough. I am valuable as I am. I am a force to be reckoned with, and I don’t need TV/ magazines/ billboards/ Facebook/Twitter/Hollywood to approve. Every time I compliment myself (or accept a compliment from someone else), I am invigorated. Acknowledging my contributions lets others know that disrespecting me is not an option. By agreeing to own my power, I am letting other women (particularly less self-possessed women) know that they have permission to be bold. If no one else has told you, let me be the first: You don’t owe it to ANYbody to dim your light. In fact, you owe it to yourself to shine as bright as you possibly can, so you can help others see their way out of the dark.

In short, The road to unshaken courage starts with a conscious decision to gloat. So talk about your strengths. Take pride in what you do well. Be your own hype woman. Revel in your glory. You have permission to be great–now go do something with it!

The truth of the matter is, I have no idea what I’ll be talking about in this blog. All I know is that I have to write something. I have to write for women like me. And for women that remind me of my former self, the self that used to ask for permission to truly enjoy life.

I’m writing this blog for all the women determined to do good (in the world) but afraid of looking bad.For the “good girls” too busy keeping everyone else comfortable to notice their internal light dimming. For the purpose-driven women who are passionate about making an impact but unsure of where to start. And the women desperate to make a clean break from conformist clock-in culture. I write for women who want to invest in themselves but worry that they’re not enough. And for the women who dream of making it big but have gotten comfortable staying small. I hope that this blog resonates with women who aren’t exactly sure of their strengths, but refuse to accept that their life is purposeless.

I’m posting this for the independent women who are sick and tired of trying to convince their mothers that they really are fine without a man in their lives. For the tomboys, the freaks, the nerds, the “other” women. For the trans* women caving under the pressure to “pass” as female, and for the lesbian,bi, and queer-identified women sick and tired of trying to perform their womanhood up to standard. I wanna let women everywhere know that they are “doing” womanhood just fine, as long as it works for them. And if it doesn’t, I hope I can help them find what they need to feel complete.

I’m talking to the free spirits trapped in approval junkies’ bodies and for the quirky queens exhausted from years of trying to force a square peg into a round hole. I’m writing this for the women who occur to others as confident and self-expressed, but have been hiding under a cloak of perfection and hoping no one notices that they don’t actually have it all together. And for the goddesses that understand that confidence isn’t about convincing yourself that everybody loves you, but about accepting that others’ opinions of you are irrelevant.

Dream, Leap, Live posts are for women who have the audacity to expect more from life. Women well-trained to stay quiet about what they want so as to avoid rocking the boat. Women who hold themselves back from orgasm because they don’t know that they deserve to feel good too. Women who fail to assert themselves because they would rather be approachable than unique.

I want to speak to women who are done apologizing for wanting to indulge. Women who want to learn how to distinguish between intuition and resistance, so that their inner voice isn’t silenced by a need to stay “safe” or “practical.” Women turned on by the idea of a life that isn’t fueled by external validation. Women who need a companion on the journey to self-acceptance. I want to remind women in as many ways as possible that it is their birth right to live deliciously. I know that it’s a long journey to getting 100% comfortable in your skin. I hope that you’ll join me. Welcome to Dream, Leap, Live.

Adama Hamadi, Delicious Living Coach. Yup, that’s what I’m calling myself. Get used to it.

As a recovering “approval addict” and professional “people-pleaser,” I know all too well how putting others first can drain the spirit. Between wishing I could be “good enough” and being conditioned to settle for “good enough,” I lost sight of the fact that I was wasting my power and withering away. I woke up a few months ago with paralyzing chest pain and zero motivation to do anything. I realized that I could not go on fighting for other people’s dreams while completely ignoring my own.

I accepted that continuing to subdue my passion would surely kill me. I found the courage to be authentic about the things in my life that were inauthentic. I stopped saying I was “fine” when I felt racked with anxiety. I started asking for “mental health days” when I sensed that my depression would keep me from getting any real work done. I weaned myself off of the emotional vampires in my life that were coming to me when they needed something, but not committed to holding space when I was in need. And I started listening to the voice (Intuition, God, Universe) that told me my experiences could shape great lessons for women like me. I’ve always had a teacher’s heart, but I came to realize that I also have the spirit of an entrepreneur. Why not share what I’ve learned AND get paid? And determine my own schedule and vacation? Yaaas honey! So I decided to build a location-independent coaching business. I would teach millennial women how to ask for what they want so that they could savor a life that they don’t need to numb or run away from.

I have been talking about launching this coaching business for months now. I even started pages on Facebook and Twitter(Handle:dreamleaplive, holla at me!) But I realize now that my commitment to making a living working for myself was being trumped by a hidden commitment to protect myself from failure and humiliation. For months, I held myself back from the success that I claimed I wanted. I compared myself to people that had “made it.” I watched countless Ted Talks and Youtube clips on personal development and life coaching. I filled notebooks with ideas about how to find a target niche, and how to close a sale, and how to build a brand. I agonized about the minutia of how to become an expert, because of course I had to make sure to do things the “right” way. I was keeping myself busy so that I wouldn’t have to do the ACTUAL work of putting myself out there. But if I want to be known as fierce, free, and fearless, and if I want to inspire other women to live out loud without waiting for permission, I have to commit to doing things that scare me. Like posting ALL my business on a blog. Apparently, it is possible to “feel the fear and do it anyway.” You’re welcome 😉

P.S. What commitments have you been abandoning out of fear? Tell me about it in the comments.