I have to be upfront with you guys. I’m confused. By just how much pressure we put on ourselves, to be successful in “the eyes of the world”. Instead of focusing on living more authentically, we pander to an imaginary audience.

We play ourselves into a standard that’s been shaped by ethereal, myriad, influences. Just like a puppeteer strings along a puppet, we do the very same thing to ourselves, under the misguiding, subtle guidelines around us.

We make choices based on what we think other people will think, often without even realizing it. BUT, they don’t care – not nearly as much we believe. And even if they did, what do you or me owe them?

Nothing.

(Note: We focus on other people so much, partly because we haven’t developed full confidence in our self-reliance at work. So, I have a special bonus for you. Make sure you read all the way to the end to get it.)

We Care Too Much about How we Look

I’m not saying it’s always bad to ponder how someone (whether close or distant), or some group, will view our actions. But more often than not, it isn’t important. In fact, it can make us leave the better play off the table, out of fear of being ridiculed, judged, or sometimes, even applauded.

We care too much about fitting or being seen by this illusory audience. Or we care too much about not being seen by this audience. We either want to cause a commotion, or not cause any. This inherent complexity we struggle with is often at the very root of our bad or “acceptable” decisions.

We end up:

Saying yes to an invitation we don’t really want to go to because we don’t want to let someone down.

Sticking longer with the career we know isn’t right for us because we’re uncertain about what those around us will think about a potential change.

Not practicing our passion because we don’t see enough other people doing it consistently e.g. skateboarding, playing an instrument, or training our sports skills.

Doing something just for the sake of applause, being recognized or approved of – even though we couldn’t care less about it.

There’s a Board of Advisers we’ve Allowed to Creep In

We compromise our lives – because of the shadowy figures in our psyche.

If this imaginary audience fell away (the complexity) from our minds and hearts, a shift would happen.

Life would be simpler, far simpler. We would end up making the best, albeit more challenging choices, benefiting ourselves immeasurably – and ironically also – those who we fear will judge us, at least, in the long-term. They either will be inspired by our actions, or learn something from them.

Because whenever we live authentic lives, through the simple act of making a choice that’s true – we nurture that collective spirit of growth.

(Maybe you experience a lack of authenticity in your work-life. If you do, maybe it’s because you’re focusing on what’s outside of your control. I’ve put together a complete system to help solve this. Watch out for it soon.)

How Do we Live More Authentically?

In the moments of decision, we sow our character. Whenever we’re faced with a choice, and we don’t want to let down this imaginary audience, or want to please them, what can we do to step out of this illusory mirage, so that we make the right choice?

Realize this. There is no audience.

It will always be just you, at this very moment. On the verge of making a decision, that can either improve or devalue you. Often, we just look at some our decisions as inconsequential in the long term e.g. not saying something you feel you should say. But each bad decision we make or good decision we fail to make – lowers our self-esteem.

Subconsciously, we’re telling ourselves; that other people are more important than us.

Before long, we string ourselves down a rabbit hole of dissatisfaction. Equally, and more importantly, each time we make a decision that’s true to our highest self, we end up reinforcing the habit of living simpler, authentic lives. We’ll end up building our internal locus of control, what JB rotter called: “the degree to which persons expect that reinforcement or an outcome of their behavior is contingent on their own behavior or personal characteristics.”

“Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the goes down. And this is all that life really means.” – Dale Carnegie.

This quote from Dale Carnegie is far easier to embody when we give up this “imaginary audience”. The eyes of the world don’t exist, yet we go through life, with the filter of other people’s viewpoints domineering our psyches.

According to research, published in the journal Current Biology, activity in the ventral stratum, the brain reward center, lights up when we receive approval from others. We are very much social creatures, but I can’t help but feel that doesn’t mean we should remember that in the end, our choices are ours, and no one else’s.

A Recap on Living More Authentically and Your Bonus

Here’s a quick recap of this article:

We shouldn’t blame ourselves too much for caring about what other people think; it’s part of our biology. But just by being aware of it, we can let go of it.

We are not more important than anyone, and no one is more important than us.

Every choice we make either improves or devalues our life. Each time we make a decision that’s right for us, we’re living more authentically, and enhancing our self-esteem.

There is no audience.

Since you’re still here, I’m going to give you a FREE Bonus to help make sure you take back control, so that you make your work-life far more satisfying and authentic.

First, I’ve put together a list of the best little morning routines, with a unique twist, so that you can feel at ease each day. You won’t be able to help but approach your work with a greater degree of control.

Second, I’ve included a methodology on how to split up your day into four chunks, so you’ll worry less about external influences each day.

Third, I’ll show you how to consistently celebrate your small wins, so that you feel more creative and enthusiastic about what YOU are doing each day – and not what others are.

If you’d like to learn how to implement all of my strategies, as a PicktheBrain reader, you can click below to access your Bonus (12 mins read). I’ll show you the behind the scenes to every detail of the system you need to be in full control of your work-life. (Access here).