Dear Abby: Woman should disclose divorce to future in-laws

Friday

Dec 6, 2013 at 12:01 AMDec 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Dear Abby: I am in my late 20s and recently became engaged to my boyfriend of more than a year. He is in his early 30s. His parents live on the other side of the country, and we see them only twice a year. We plan on visiting them for the holidays, and some friends of theirs will be throwing us a bridal shower.

Dear Abby: I am in my late 20s and recently became engaged to my boyfriend of more than a year. He is in his early 30s. His parents live on the other side of the country, and we see them only twice a year. We plan on visiting them for the holidays, and some friends of theirs will be throwing us a bridal shower.

I was married before. I was 18 and it lasted three years. I was devastated when it ended. Am I obligated to tell his parents about my previous marriage? My fiance knows, of course.

This isn't something I like to discuss. I was raised in a very religious household where divorce is looked down upon. My fiance's parents aren't particularly religious, however.

- Uncomfortable in St. Louis

Dear Uncomfortable: Although you might not like to discuss this subject, disclose it to your fiance's parents before the wedding. This trip would be a good time to do it, so you can answer any questions that might arise.

Tell them that it's not something you usually talk about, but you and their son didn't want them to think you are hiding anything. If it comes up in the future, tell them that it is in the past and you prefer not to discuss it further.

Dear Abby: As a teacher, I open my doors every year to at least one student who has low self-esteem. I spend the school year searching for ways to show the child that he or she has value. I feel that no lesson is more important.

These children's parents don't mean for this to happen. They want their children to be "perfect." The children, though, know that they aren't perfect and feel that who they are isn't enough.

Parents, does this sound familiar? If so, then love your children as you did when they first learned to walk. When they fail, encourage them to try again. When they make a mistake, celebrate the strength it took to try. Allow them to fix their mistakes while letting them know you love them.

Remember, feelings stay with children forever. Unconditional love is the greatest gift parents can give their children.

- Kathy in Elk Grove, Calif.

Dear Kathy: You have a wise head and a caring heart, which is an unbeatable combination in an educator. The lessons your students are learning in your classroom will influence their lives long after they are out of school.