I do believe

With all that has been happening to me and my career, with all the thoughts been running inside my head for the past few days, there is only one thing that seems clear to me. He speaks to me with a calm, firm, motivating voice through the Gospel.

Why? This week was a torture for me. I got fed up by the 15th and decided to resign that afternoon. I handed resignation on the 16th. Received a phone call a little later from our director. The 17th was a so-so. Got myself crying like hell for these 3 days. The 18th was full of tension. The 19th was quite liberating.

On the 15th, the Gospel was about understanding weakness; on the 16th it was about what's worth more. On the 17th, it speaks about the Holy servants; on the 18th, it was about who the real angels are and yesterday its all about appointed servants.

I do understand, to some these are just readings.. but to me, I do believe I can see something between these lines. I immediately recognize what He wants to tell me. At first, He wanted me to understand that I should acknowledge my weakness. Not all leaders must be strong all the time. We are only human and hurt too sometimes, and I know that because I am well aware of it. The next day, I thought He wanted to tell me I am worth more than where I was. Maybe so, others could say that, but there is something about this all that makes me feel I can make a difference. Reading the scripture for the second time, I got to understand that what it was really meant to tell me is that I should find the answer through His words… that the Bible is worth more! What a shame it must be for me to keep on putting everything in my own context and not read between the lines and hear out the real meaning of it! It was actually plain and simple yet I did not get it the first time.

The following day, was a Gospel about Holy servants. Again, it felt like it was only for the priests and nuns. Re-reading it, anyone can be a holy servant too. If you do His will, then you are His servant. We common people may not serve Him by being a priest or a nun, but we can also do His will by listening to Him and working it out. Then came the 18th. It was this day that I realized, that every single thing about this event in my life happened because it was meant to happen. How else would one very patient lady realize she needs a revolution if someone wouldn't just push her to? How would one peaceful person understand that she has the power to fight for other people's good if her own right wasn't respected? How? Of course, there must be an instrument of hate and anger. Not that this person must be a total evil, but be bad only when he needs to be because it was planned to be like that. They are the real angels. They make you realize who you really are and what you can really do.

Last night, I forgot to read the scriptures. I was so tired, I simply dozed without reading it. I awoke, thinking about what the scripture was about last night, and having realized that I missed to read it, began to open it to yesterday's Gospel. I found out that it was about appointed servants.

Its true that I will be giving 'it' another try. I understand that it is difficult and is going to entail a lot of sacrifices in the coming days. But I also believe I am the chosen one. After all, all the others have left when their challenges seemed so small. I have not turned away at the gloomiest times of them all. And now that I have someone who stands by me all the time, one who stands strong for me in times of my troubles, I do believe I can make it.

I will make it for him who believes in me, and those who count on me too. I do believe I heard His voice through the scriptures. I thank God I have him always at my side.