MPs to go clubbing in cocaine inquiry

Cross-party effort to ruin your Christmas night out

MPs are to go nightclubbing in London to get the bottom of the cocaine trade and how it's affecting Britain.

The Home Affairs Select Committee, led by Keith Vaz, want to see "everything in action" and according to the Telegraph have taken advice on the "best club to go to in London".

This follows the committe's recent jaunt to Amsterdam as part of the inquiry. There are no reports of what clubs they went to there.

One Police source apparently told the Telegraph, "I imagine some of these MPs haven't been to a club since the 70s – and it's a long way from the Bee Gees and Abba these days."

Which says rather a lot about how young coppers are these days. If we recall correctly, the 70s were enlivened by hash, acid, quaaludes, tombstones and speed. If you were rich, there was cocaine. If you were boracic, there was always Evostick. Don't they watch The Stud or The Bitch at section houses these days?

Committee chairman Keith Vaz's web page tells us he was educated at Latymer Upper School in Hammersmith. Clearly he was too busy swotting to have encountered the Hammersmith Palais, the Hammersmith Odeon or the Hibernian.

According to the BBC, Gwyn Prosser MP for Dover, has already spent time outside a nightclub in Maidstone. "What struck me was that the young people seemed very happy to go through the scanners and that they wanted a night free of the problems you get with drugs," he told the Beeb.

Or, alternatively, they were happy to go through the scanners and get inside where they weren't going to be hassled by some old git asking where one might score some coke. ®