Ice cream, prostitutes and pensions – do try to keep up.

IT’S HARD WORK keeping up on important national and global events. Everything changes so quickly. One moment the headlines are full of embassies being stormed and ambassadors being murdered, next minute presidents and secretaries of state are apologising to the people who stormed the embassies and murdered the ambassadors, then we see pictures of people all around the world burning the American flag and rioting and killing each other (explain that one) pretending to be outraged by some trailer (that they haven’t seen) to some film (which probably doesn’t exist) and a non-entity of a “Trains” minister in Pakistan later pops up to raise a bounty on the head of a foreign national while for days the British press has gone on and on about some clown of a Tory MP who insulted a police officer outside the Houses of Parliament for not recognising him, thus enraging the non-hierarchically correct progressives in Guardian-land, and the Liberal Democrats are apparently having a “conference” and their Quisling-in-Chief makes a video saying sorry for reneging on a pre-election promise about student tuition fees, as if anyone cares about him any more since he’ll be out at the next general election and on his way back to a cushy job with the European Union that spawned him, attention having already passed from the other quisling in charge of the Clown Party Red Division and his brilliant idea for a dynamic new vision for the country that no one asked for that he read about on the beach this summer in a book by some expert (probably an American) called predistribution (redistribution of wealth before it’s been distributed – get it?) which will supposedly make us a more equal society and therefore ensure everyone gets ice cream and degrees instead of just the undeserving rich, but in the meantime a big charity that relies as much on state funding as on voluntary public donations has reminded us that ten out of every nine children in the UK are living in poverty and something must be done so they’ve launched a campaign to raise a few grand to solve the problem as well as calling for some “predistribution” to make us all more equal and surprisingly the Quisling-in-Chief of the Clown Party Blue Division has kept his shiny head down during all of this mayhem, preferring to let his education bod take the flack for pupils getting low grades in their exams when they were all promised top marks and ice cream as they have been for the last twenty years while across the pond the arrogant upstart who dares to challenge the sainted presidential incumbent has released his tax returns and tested the Jesuitical mendacity of his foes by paying the taxes he was supposed to and giving away even more of his own money in charitable donations which is more than can be said for the unelected parasites in the EU planning ever closer union (at least between eleven of them), blithely unconcerned about massive unemployment in Spain and Greece, a collapsing currency and the continuing failure of their green wind energy policies particularly in Germany but at least they’re guaranteed their taxpayer-funded ice cream, prostitutes and pensions and more equality than the rest of us who are left to gawp at the naked boobs of a royal snapped by some filthy Foreign Johnnies. Keep up there, it’s not finished yet.