Thursday, May 30, 2013

Kaelah's Corner (May 2013): Fantasia

As the title indicates already, today's post is about fantasies and their role in human life. In my view, fantasies are a wonderful and very healthy part of our lives. Over the years I have learned that the degree to which I immerse myself in fictional worlds also tells a lot about my current emotional and physical state, though.

The times I am and always have been the happiest are when I am away on a holiday trip with my family. During holiday trips I am not only (more or less, depending on the current overall situation) relaxed, my brain also gets fed with great new impressions and experiences every day. The same is true in general for the times I am with Ludwig, especially when we spend the days with interesting activities and / or with friends. In these situations, I observe two things: It is usually easy for me to enter my (vanilla and kinky) fantasy worlds, and I tend to fall asleep to some lovely naval M/M spanking fantasies.

On the other hand, all the fascinating real experiences every day are so fulfilling that I tend to spend very little time in one of my fictional universes during the day. That is, except for the times when something (Ludwig and) I see or do triggers a fantasy. And of course, I also enjoy spending some of the time with making (kinky) fantasies come true by, for instance, shooting naughty pictures.

Before I met Ludwig, though, I used to spend more time in fictional worlds, having no partner and quite some time on my own. I also immersed myself in the stories I came across in kinky blogland and spent a lot of time reading when I first discovered that new world. Part of that surely was because it was all new and exciting. But I think I also spent so much time online feeding my fantasies because I didn't have a partner at the time and didn't live out my kink. So I made up for that by fantasizing instead.

Today, the situation is quite similar when I am at home and either bored or busy with work that has to be done but doesn't feel very fulfilling. These are the times when I spend more time in my (not only kinky!) fantasy worlds. It helps me to relax and it often helps me to develop ideas for things I would like to do or achieve in the future as well. So, at times when my current real life is not so fulfilling, immersing myself in fictional universes and daydreams serves as a compensation. It can also help me to feel happier and stronger at times when I am feeling insecure.

I have also made the experience that my libido can increase in situations which are sad otherwise. After my mother had died, there was a time when my hunger for sex with Ludwig was stronger than usual because it made me feel alive. The closeness and the positive excitement that goes along with sexual activities acted as a positive counterpart to the sadness I felt otherwise.

There are other times as well, though. The worst situations are those in which I am so stressed out that I can't enter the fantasy part of my brain at all. That happens extremely rarely and then only for a limited time, but when it happens, it shows that I am experiencing a very high level of stress. At those times, I can neither play out any vanilla nor any kinky fantasies in my head. When I am lying in bed, my mind doesn't take me to the kinky naval cadets. Instead, my thoughts are focused on the real life situation which is worrying me. Only when I start feeling better, the fantasies will slowly come back. This is true right now, and I am very happy to be reconnected to the fantasy part of my mind.

I wonder if it's the same for others? When I see, for instance, some of the Tumblr bloggers who add dozens of pictures to their blogs every single day, I can't help but think that the kinky dreamland they are creating acts as a compensation for something they aren't happy with in their real lives. On the other hand, it seems that there are bloggers who disappear for a while, declaring that they haven't got any ideas for new blog posts because their life has become too stressful.

How about you? Do you think that fantasies are a healthy addition to reality? Do your fantasies at a certain time say anything about your current emotional and physical state? Have you experienced times when you used your fantasies to escape from reality? And are there times when you can't enter the part of your brain that creates your fictional worlds at all? If you like to share your thoughts and experiences, you are very welcome to do so in the comment section!

8 comments:

sixofthebest
said...

Kaelah, I like your essay. Can we move from the world of reality into our fantasy world, this being a SPANKO, and back again into our real world, with ease. In my opinion I can. For I like both my world's, and hopefully it will stay that way forever.

I try to create stories that include my fantasy scenes and type them in my computer. I revisit the stories and update them often. Reading the stories makes them much more powerful and enables me to remember important details. Sometimes, with the help pf my friends the stories become reality which is really erotic.

The issue of fantasies and spanking is interesting. I think it has been said by a number of people in various forums that spankos have spanking related fantasies prior even to puberty. I don't know that this was true for me, but it was certainly very early for me -- perhaps around 11 years of age. I often have fantasies just before I fall asleep -- often these are variations on a theme. I find this very relaxing -- and not masturbatory in nature.

I think it is healthy to have fantasies. Having something to daydream about can get me through a long day for a brief escape. One of the appealing things about spanking is along those same lines. For those few moments I don't have to worry, I can let my emotions out and let someone else be in control. That is a wonderful thing.

It's really interesting that you observe that people who post lots of spanking pictures of their fantasies are perhaps contemplating for other missing things in their lives. I have left the scene before to find other things, but always came back unfulfilled because most times I missed my friends and all of the vanilla side of chat to compliment scene activity.

My former mentor (who is private and was never a scene person at all) wrote to me a few months ago when I contacted him in distress for advice.

He said this which is his unchanged view over many years of seeing me in the scene as a spanking model......

"You will recall that I have always been sceptical of the values of this 'scene' - and frankly I find the whole culture rather ridiculous when people describe it as 'a lifestyle'. As 'a recreation', a way of satisfying particular inclinations/needs (be they sexual, social or otherwise), then it is a perfectly reasonable way of spending time. When it becomes a means of defining oneself, a way of identifying one's whole self, an all-encompassing lifestyle, then I am afraid it is not a good way of living one's life - it can be self-centred, self-indulgent and utterly wrapped up in an artificial world that narrows one's choices and opportunities."

I am always envious of people who can compartmentalise their lives well and manage the whole scene activity as something they can dip in and out of. I wish I could, I have tried God knows how many times but I can't, but I am able to openly fantasise less probably because I have been lucky enough to live out so many scenes in real life. I don't look so much at other pictures but the occasional video can turn me on if I find the spanker attractive and want to be spanked by him.I am finding right now though that my libido is really high because I can't play as I'm injured and the abstinence is fueling my whole sex and spanking thing and I am thinking as much about sex and hot scenes on boardroom tables or in lifts!

For many years I used to spend many hours in fantasy land, daydreaming of myself in different corporal punishment scenarios, mostly suffering at the hands a dominant woman, sometimes even a man.

The fantasy thoughts go back to an early age, even at 10 years old I had a fascination with the cane. The fantasies dulled when I was in a relationship that became a marriage. But then kicked in again about ten years later.

I realized I was in a marriage where there was absolutely no chance of turning the fantasy into reality so I suppose I took solace in my dream world. Magazines and, later, the internet fuelled the desire but in no way quenched that thirst.

Looking back it was rather like being single again – without an opportunity to have the freedom to explore that side of my life, but with all the hassles of being locked into a relationship that had gone sour.

In some ways those fantasies helped me through a barren time – certainly I would fall asleep most nights locked into my fantasies. That in itself, suggests how fantasy-dependent I had become.But the frustration also nearly drove me to despair. Perhaps that’s how it gets when you crave something so badly.

My marriage ended after almost 30 years, but I’ve been lucky to find someone else, who hasn’t just become my soul mate, but has also embraced my fantasies to the point where she is very much the dominant personality in our relationship. ‘Be careful what you wish for’ - indeed. What I find now is that when Mistress and I are together there is no need for my fantasies because we are effectively living them through our DD regime.

However, when we are apart for more than a couple of days or the DD goes into stall, yes I do dip back into my fantasies – but only imagining where our DD could be going.

It’s interesting you relate to times when you simply can’t unlock the kink in your brain and I am the same. We’ve gone through a tough time recently – caused by a couple of minor health issues and some intense stress at work on my side. I’ve been so pre-occupied with that, I’ve had no capacity in my head to allow myself the pleasures of our DD relationship.

You would think the natural instinct would be to tap into the fantasy to help relieve that stress but it was like my mind wouldn’t allow that luxury.

My issues impinged on Mistress, who at first thought I was no longer interested in DD. And it didn’t help with Mistress also having similar stress issues with her work.

After several discussions, and some relaxation of our respective stress issues, we’re finally heading back on track, but even a planned discipline session was cancelled when Mistress felt mentally exhausted after several days of high pressure work.

So now it seems that the portion of my brain that engages my submissive side is once again fully operational, but Mistress is obviously going through the same issues as I have.

Your blog post has made me stop and think about how much I do actually still fantasise – and it’s quite a lot more than I realized.

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful comments. Sorry for having taken so long to come back to you.

@ sixofthebest:I am happy to hear that you can switch so easily between fantasy and reality. Getting the best of both worlds is great!

@ Joey:Writing stories which include one's kinky fantasy scenarios is great, especially when they become real as well!

@ Spearthrower:My fantasies definitely go back to a very early time as well. The fantasies I fall asleep to are relaxing, too, and different from those I have during sex. Maybe it's the same for other spankos as well?!

@ Lea:Yes, those moments one doesn't have to worry are rare and special indeed. In my opinion both fantasies and spanking play can give us strength for our day-to-day lives.

@ Emma:Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I don't think it is bad to see oneself as a part of the spanking scene, especially if that means being in contact with people whom one likes. I get your former mentor's point, though. I don't think it is good to define oneself through one thing only. If someone is a kind of “full time” spanko, not spending much time with anything that is not spanking-related, I think that comes with a huge risk of living an imbalanced life. In my opinion humans need more than one field in life in order to be balanced and happy.

@ Respecting Mistress:A very insightful comment, thank you for sharing (and for your two very interesting follow-up posts)! I guess with fantasizing it might be a bit like with eating and drinking – we often do it without being fully aware of it, unless we take the time to recount the situations in which we have done it. Like you, I think that the fantasies might be more intense at times when one can't live them out and / or is missing something in real life. But I also think that living out one's fantasies doesn't make fantasizing obsolete. In my opinion our fantasies can provide new ideas for our real lives and our real life experiences can give us new things to fantasize about.

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