Today is a beautiful day. Why don’t do something for yourself? Maybe a mask, bath or eat favourite cookie? Without feeling guilty and worse? You know what? Screw up everything, every single expectations about my look, life ect. I had done enough. You know what? I feel great, I’m natural and fantastic and I love it…..

I’m kidding. After two hours I will be crying because I’m too fat, too lazy and don’t match to this world anymore. I will be eat all cake and watch sad movie because I’m fat. It isn’t sad? Young girls listen that they have to be fit, beautiful and worse read that in magazine or hear that from TV. We have to be perfect. If not, you are worse. I had that thinking for a long time, but I want to change my life so I try to avoid thinking in that way. You know I’m not a fitness freak girl who count every single calorie and exercise all day. If I want eat a cookie I eat them. Ofc I feel sad sometimes, and I want to be skinny like every single girl in social media, but I want that. Not somebody what that. I’m. If I want something, I try to get that, if someone wants me to get that I will feel sad and not perfect, like someone unnecessary and stupid when I’m not get that things. By the way everybody ends the same way in grave.

I feel pressure, that I have to be prefect, skinny, successful that I’m only searching and looking for tips how to become that person. I feel tired, exhausted. No-one is perfect, but others required perfection. Why? I don’t know. Really. If you have any idea let me know. We want to believe that perfection for me I is the same to you. Otherwise something is wrong with you. Seriously? Yeah, people still think in that way, and that scares me. I don’t want too much, I want a good job, that be enough to take care of my family and ours future, without renunciation like don’t buy a toy for kid or like I won’t be able to spend time with my family. I want a good friend who would do a lot for me when I will need help. I want a love, true, strong, beautiful love with a men for who I will be the whole world and who will love me more every single day. Rest like house, car or something, will be extra things, for them we have to wait and earn for them. I don’t want anything in gifts, I want to work for that. That’s maybe is weird, but I think in that way. I know I have better life than many people, but that’s way I want to work harder everyday to prove that I can and deserve for that. It’s sad when people think about me, rich, fucking everything have girl. I’m not rich, I didn’t have everything. And that’s hurt me sometime really strong, but I have to be strong. There is always soft spot and we, every single person have to be strong to stand and don’t get broke.

If I want to be skinny , I do something. Of course that I have better days when I workout eat only healthy, but I also have worse day when I don’t want to do anything or sometimes I’m just tried. I press myself if I want to achieve something, but I don’t force myself. It’s my ‘happy medium’. When I really don’t want to workout I tried do at lest half of training. After that if I don’t want to finish rest I stop. I did something but not force myself too much. When I want to eat something sweet, I usually eat fruit even if this is evening. Balance always works better than extreme. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not encourage you to do something on half way. If you want to for example workout, but you are simply lazy and only strong in words, don’t say that I’m on your side. But if you are tired those overwhelming feeling to be in shape, you are sick or don’t have motivation after a month of training, I’m on your side. I understand that not everyone was create to this. I encourage you to try. Even if you will get off sweets and junk food, and exercise on the beginning those half of training it will be something amazing. It has to be a long term change, not for a day or two. Find balance that fits you. For me it’s doing a half of training if I really don’t want to and watch what I eat, but not counting every single calorie. Maybe if I post my picture of body someone will say ‘you are fat’. Maybe I’m, but you don’t know everything about me you can judge me only for a few things.

Never judge everyone, because sometimes you can be confounded when you will know some facts.

If someone reads it, and feel that pressure, I will give a piece of advise: just try do this. Not for your friends, family, not for society that requires something. Do it for yourself. Press yourself, but know your own limits. Don’t let anyone break you down. It will be hard, you will have a many times when you want to hide or something, but remember all what matter is how you feel with you. If you want to change, you will change, if not you won’t. You can get this. We all can get things that we want.