Sunday, May 15, 2005

Papal Interview: Part Deux (excerpt)

If I was forced to pick one strength, I’d have to say it’s my humility. I am a very humble person. Ask anyone. I always put others in front of myself—especially women and children.

For example, if there was a fire in this building, I would make sure that all the women and children could escape first.

Well—actually--after me. The elderly [Ratzinger points to himself] should escape first because we’re a bit slower. And, as Pope, I'd definitely need to exit first. It wouldn't look good if the Pope died in a fire in the Vatican.

But the women and children should be right behind me. And I’d imagine they would be pushing me in some sort of wheel chair if possible—to sort of quicken the process.

26 Comments:

I Love vending machine food! It is sooo yummy!!!!! I mean it might be bad for me- but hey, it rocks! ha ha ha.

Hey, would someone here mind takeing a look and commenting on my site? it is at www.tearsnwounds.blogspot.comI would totally apreciate the comments. I would like to get a wide view on what other people think of what I have said on the site. So feel free to browse it and comment.

His holiness, I had a horrible dream the other night that those snowballs you speak of in the vending machines were put there by Lucifer to tempt humbler-than-thou children of God. Now I read this! I'm just sick about it I tell you. Sick. In all honesty, none of my other wacked out dreams ever came true, but sheesh what if this one does? Oh the horror.

I discovered a piece of junk mail on my door mat. I carried the item away from the front door and held it above the waste paper basket. I opened my hand, thereby allowing the piece of junk mail to fall into the basket.

Of course you should be saved first. But then you ARE SAVED. If you're not saved, then who is? I'm sure that your holiness is not concerned with the physical, right? Oh! you say you did mean your physical self should be saved first? oKayeeee.

Humility is a character trait not easily achieved. Pride comes before a fall, as you well know. A fall would cause an old man like you to break a hip, so in your wisdom, you rid yourself of the sin of pride. Your humility not only helped you become Pope, but it also may spare you a broken hip.

I would make sure you got out first, then make sure the women and children retrieve the papal vending machine before proceeding out of the Vatican. I think melted snowballs and gummybears would be a terrible mess.

Oh lord, it's hard to be humble...but we're doin' the best that we can...the vending machine where I work has M&M cookies, dorritos, peanut M&Ms, Snickers bars, and pastries. And I totally ignored it today. But I'm humble about it, of course.

Don't stop!!! This is the best blog EVER!!!! Thank You Pope!!! I hope your sticker sales are high. Then maybe you could afford to fill your vending machines with even tastier treats. Maybe like a vending machine that dispenses Brie or Gyros....yummm.

I think you should consider an escape hatch--you know like the one Mr. Burns has on the Simpsons. It could blast you far away and you would land safely because there would be a parachute to soften your landing.

You could be a spokesperson for starting a vending machine trend at the Vatican. Think of how it would take jobs away from people. For example, one could purchase those Pope pez despensers, and you could maybe inquire about having a cupcake company come up with a new item, with your picture on the label.