I was born with brown hair, but did I really inherit my stubbornness from my Mom, and my sense of humor from my Dad? Is my personality the result of my genes, or just living with my family my whole life? I love thinking about this, because I always find a way to make both arguments.

Case in point: I have performance anxiety. Speaking in front of groups makes my heart pound, and my hands shake a little bit. Sometimes my voice gets squeaky or I break a sweat or this buzzing noise fills my ears. It happens mostly when I’m singled out for attention, when I know people are listening to me, evaluating what I’m saying.

We could find a pattern if we wanted to. Trace a shy little girl who hides behind her mother’s legs to the adolescent who spends too much time reading and not enough talking to the other kids on the bus. See her suffer through mandatory Speech class in high school, and if you can stand it, watch that horrendous improv audition for a high school play. (It’s still the stuff of my nightmares.) It’s nature, right? She’s an introvert, type-A personality. She made some valiant efforts, but she’s just not the type to stand in a spotlight.

I thought that a lot over the years. I still do, usually on karaoke night as Kristin harasses everyone into singing with her (in the friendliest way possible).

But that doesn’t explain how I got cast as Cecily in the Art Council’s upcoming production of “The Importance of Being Earnest.” It doesn’t explain why I decided a few months ago that auditioning would be fun instead of terrifying. Or how I showed up to auditions last week a little giddy, not even nervous, and had a marvelous time bantering and preening. Or why I’m now sitting next to a script, contemplating the months ahead with excitement.

I’m still an introvert. I don’t care for talking to groups, and I’ll always like writing better. But it turns out that I might not mind so much talking in front of groups, especially when it isn’t my own words on the chopping block. The spotlight might be a little bit fun.

As I wrote this, I remembered something else: In elementary school, I memorized and performed a poem in front of all the fourth grade parents and three judges. It was a poem about eggs, which were my favorite food. I won first place. Everyone else whispered and stared at the floor; I spoke loudly and threw my arms around. My classmates were terrified to perform, and honestly, it didn’t even occur to me to be nervous until I saw them.

So maybe I learned to be nervous from the people around me in every speech class and audition room. Maybe I was born that way. Or maybe it was a bit of both–something I grew into naturally as a self-conscious teenager and have grown out of as it I get a little older and a little more comfortable with myself.

We shall see, won’t we?

]]>14367In the details…http://www.knom.org/wp/blog/2013/03/26/in-the-details/
Tue, 26 Mar 2013 21:19:45 +0000http://www.knom.org/blog/wp/?p=3171I’ve always enjoyed acting and theatrical work; it’s something that gets in your blood, sometime when you’re young, and never really leaves you. Though majoring in theatre wasn’t in the cards for me, I’ve nearly always found a theatrical outlet wherever I am. And though I was very much looking forward to helping out with the musical in Nome, due to conditions beyond my control, it was canceled this year.

Acting in ‘Escanaba in Da Moonlight’, an eerie look at fashion parallels between Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and Alaska. I played ‘Ranger Tom’ in this community theatre production in 2006.

But all was not lost! Pastor Karen, at the Lutheran Church, offered me a small theatrical part in a Palm Sunday sketch. And I gratefully accepted, before recognizing that I was going to be playing… the Devil.

“Excuse me, could you point the direction to Georgia? I’m late for a fiddle contest, and I seem to be lost…”

Yes, playing the enemy, in front of a church congregation on Palm Sunday – this was going to be interesting. It was a great sketch, though – examining Jesus’ death on the cross as a ransom paid for humanity, caged by sin. I also played the role of a boy, carrying a birdcage, though even this role was one of mischief and delight in scaring birds… not the most positive role. But, it is needed. It’s hard to have a sketch without conflict, and not every character can be a “good guy”. It’s been so long since I’ve played a character without any shades of grey that it took some getting used to.

And, of course, I may now be known in Nome as “the Guy who Played the Devil in Church”. Which may make an interesting cognitive dissonance in a few weeks when I will be guest preaching for Karen… but that’s a story yet to be written.

I wouldn’t normally comment on the sketch, but it felt really good to be doing something theatrical – and the kids who came up afterwards and said that they thought I was really believable, and they could never act like that were gratifying and sad at the same time. I encouraged them to try acting – that they would get better by doing it, not thinking about the end goal. Blank stares from the kids. Their parents were smiling, so maybe the lesson will still get through at some point.

In the meantime, let’s remember to teach kids that actors are not their characters. And also, adults, while we’re at it. And, I suppose, anyone else, not in the prior categories.

My typical acting pose, one hand extended. Also singing. Also, speaking. I just like to extend my hand, ok?