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17.8.17

Facebook Follies 2

One of the things I learned in the Navy: "There's a waiver for almost everything."

"The Lacebook Team" - Changing things

Y'know how, sometimes, when you desperately need help from some company of one sort or another ... let's say, oh -- a book company that makes "Lacebooks" ... you look and poke and search around the website of the Lacebook company and you feel like you've found proverbial 'Golden Egg' if you can find a way of contacting someone - a real person - who can help you with your 'Level 1 Red Lacebook Alert' crisis you're having? They certainly don't make it easy for you to find an email address, a phone number ... nothing. You're lucky if you find a mailing address.

My advice:

Keep poking around. Keep looking for any "fillable form" on their site or nook or cranny which will accept input. Then use that form (it will usually have a 'SEND' or 'SUBMIT' button on it) and send your message to them that way.

If the only "input form" they have is to apply for a freakin' job, use all the spaces to type your message to whomever you want to get it. Even better: if they allow the upload of .doc or .pdf attachments ... send your note that way. Or embed it in a .jpg file if they accept those. Or maybe, find a section where they might accept "feedback" or maybe complaints about not having a way to contact them."

Another good one: "FamousPerson@Lacebook.Com!"

​(There's always "a way-fer everything.")

This is a "Lacebook." What? What did you think I was talking about?

Now ... Here's the story of grandma's 'Lacebook' fiasco:

It had always annoyed Grandma how Lacebook seemed to just DO things without asking; with no interaction with their customers or anything. It was obvious: "They knew what grandmas wanted." And what was really cool: they knew this stuff without ever asking her or any of the other grandmas who used Lacenook. Stuff would just, all of a sudden ... be different!

Like, sometimes, Lacebook would change the colors and designs of their Lacebook covers from what all of the grandmas were used to using. Or the Lacebook company would change the actual size of the Lacebook pages. This made it very very difficult to make the new Lacebook pages work right with older Lacebooks and all the grandmas would have to redo their layouts and designs.

Yep, all the grandmas would have to rearrange their pictures and their recipes and saucy pictures of themselves having picnics in the park and other things on their Lacebook pages and then, on any given (Sun)day, they'd go to the store to buy more pages for their Lacebooks and find that the new pages didn't fit or look as they needed and now everything was all screwed up.

This happened a lot. And the grandmas always chattered like monkeys and sputtered and spit cuss words like "dag nabbit" and stuff ... and then they had to figure out how to make their Lacebook pages.

And then, one day, Grandma had an idea. Grandma decided to be brave and COMBINE an old Lacebook with a newfangled one ... and in doing so: she broke it. So Grandma's made phonecalls and sent letters to the Lacebook people to ask them to help her with her project. She even went to see them but: nothing.

But as the story goes: one morning, Grandma found a short note from the Lacebook "Team" (that's what they called themselves, "The Lacebook Team") in her mailbox. The Lacebook people told her "we have decided not to help you, because we don't like the way you titled your Lacebooks, they need to have titles that are more alike."

So she renamed her Lacebooks so they were similar, just as The Lacebook Team" asked her to do. They sent her another letter.

"DENIED!" it said. "We didn't mean the names of your Lacebook *pages,* Grandma, we meant YOUR name. You call yourself "Grandma" on one and "Grandmother" on the other ... that doesn't make us happy and you need try again."

"And when you submit your next request for our help," they continued please submit proper documentation that will somehow sufficiently prove to "The Lacebook Team" that these Lacebook pages are yours and that you're not starting to start a "Lacebook Series" and try to make money like that J.K. Rowling lady who should have gotten in trouble for writing books while she was at work!" These Lacebook people were really getting demanding.

So she did. She had Mr. GoDaddy's receipt for her purchase of her Lacebook page (Mr. GoDaddy was in cohoots with The Lacebook Team," but he was much nicer and easier to deal with when such problems arose. She sent a copy of her receipt from Mr. GoDaddy in the mail to The Lacebook Team.

... and she waited.

She got another letter from them. It read:

"Hi,Thanks for submitting a request to change your Page's name. We'll review your request and respond to you soon. Please keep in mind that submitting multiple requests won't result in a faster response.

This "Help Center" to which they referred was one of those pages that has no answers, but asks you to rate their information on a scale of 1 to 10 (because they caught on to her method of using feedback forms to send messages). So she used the "1-10 Rating Page" several times and sent them old-fashioned cusswords in binary code ... stingers like "Shucks!" and "Gosh!" and "Pshaw!"