I personally haven’t had serious situations with this as a parent or a coach, as it is something that can be avoided. But it is a sensitive issue and something to consider when finding the right team for your child.

So, what is Daddy Ball? Why does it exist? What can both parents and coaches do to avoid it?

What is Daddy Ball?

Daddy Ball is the common phenomenon of when the coach — or the perception of when the coach — favors his kid over others at the detriment of the team. His kid always needs to be the star. His kid pitches the big game when there are better options. His kid plays when other better players sit.

The emphasis here is on “detriment to the team.” If the coach’s kid is simply the team’s best player, then so be it.

Also note that perception is also reality here. Daddy Ball exists if parents think it does — it’s that simple. It’s not always fair, but it’s something a coach needs to address.

Daddy Ball — the way it’s perceived and defined — also extends to the assistant coaches. Parents can perceive that not only is the coach giving preferential treatment to his kid but to the other assistants’ kids. Again, this is based on the premise that these coaches’ kids are inferior players to other options.

The Source of Daddy Ball

Parents hate and try to avoid Daddy Ball, and I completely understand. Particularly if it’s a blatant case where the coach’s kid is clearly inferior to other options. But let me tell you — as a coach — how this can easily happen.

The coach knows his kid. He knows his kid better than any other kid. As a result, he knows — or thinks he knows — how well his kid can handle a situation better than he knows how another kid will handle it.

Of course there is also potential for bias here. It’s not necessarily wrong, but a coach trusts his own kid. He is less likely to trust another kid. So if the two are close in talent, it’s plausible why a coach would choose his own kid.

Daddy Ball, as defined, can extend to the assistant coaches. Again, there are blatant and more subtle examples of Daddy Ball in this case. But an assistant is the person who the head coach leans on for advice and strategy discussion. Like the head coach, an assistant will be biased to his own kid. That can naturally lead to more playing time for that assistant’s kid.

This all comes down to control. The coach is in a position of control and therefore determines the fate of all of the players on the team. The parents have no control, and this is an uncomfortable and potentially explosive situation when the lack of control results in unfair treatment — real or perceived.

A Coach’s Perspective: The Pitfalls of Daddy Ball

As a dad and a coach of my son, I’m sensitive to all of this. I’m conscious of the potential for Daddy Ball, and I actively make sure that this is not an issue. It’s important that the coach is aware of this and makes every attempt to make decisions as the coach and not the dad.

I can tell you first hand that it can go both ways. As a coach who is consciously aware of the potential for Daddy Ball, I may have limited my son’s opportunities in the past to prove a point. A coach can overreact to Daddy Ball, thereby harming the development of their own child.

I’m also my son’s biggest critic. I see flaws in his game that others may not see. I see him every day, in and out of practice and game situations. And on the flip side, the flaws of other players may not be as noticeable to me.

As a coach, there are a couple of ways to avoid this…

First, make sure that your child is not one of the weaker players on the team. I actually prefer that my son is neither the best nor the worst, but for the purpose of the Daddy Ball discussion it’s certainly bad if he falls on the weaker side.

This is a big issue, not only for playing time but assembling the team in the first place. If the coach’s kid is one of the weaker players, what happens when players with superior ability try out? The coach will obviously not cut his own kid.

Second, have an open dialog with assistant coaches and parents about the performance of the individual players. Have stats publicly available. Be clear about how you determine playing time (hopefully it’s mostly stats based). While not everyone will agree about which players are best — EVERY parent has a bias — this can help limit issues.

As a coach, I am very stats focused. I design lineups to favor the kids who get on base and hit the most. I pitch the kids who throw strikes and limit runs. I place kids in the field based on the ability to make plays and limit errors.

If a coach uses stats as the guide, the potential for blatant favoritism — actual or perceived — is limited.

While stats can be misleading — particularly in small sample sizes — it helps to have them as a defense. Because if there’s a perception that your child is unfairly getting additional time and you don’t have the stats to back it up, you’re in trouble.

Avoid Daddy Ball: Know the History

Before you join a team, get a sense of the ability level of the coach’s kid. If he’s the best player on the team, you have very little to worry about. Any favoritism is at least partially warranted. The concern, though not always deserved, should be if that kid is one of the lesser players.

In that case, get a sense of your coach’s philosophy regarding playing time. See if you can find history regarding how much kids played and at what level in the past. See if you can spot a pattern.

Avoid Daddy Ball: Unicorn Coach

There is one pretty simple way to avoid Daddy Ball, but it doesn’t happen often: Play for a coach who doesn’t have a kid on the team.

In some cases, this could mean that it’s an academy team where the coach is paid. In others, it’s simply a coach who loves coaching — even though they don’t have a kid to coach.

This can be a great situation, if for nothing else but perception alone.

Avoid Daddy Ball: Coach!

Understand that I do sympathize for both sides here. As a coach, I understand how Daddy Ball can happen. As a parent, I want my kid to get the opportunities he deserves.

But we’re all human. If you think you aren’t biased for your own kid, you’re a liar. And in some cases, the perception of Daddy Ball is built on nothing more than the bias of parents who aren’t coaching.

The best way to avoid Daddy Ball is to coach. If your response is, “I don’t have time for that!” then it’s a factor — hopefully small — that you can expect to deal with.

Your Turn

Have you experienced Daddy Ball, either as a coach or parent? How do you feel about it?

As competition for limited spots on high school baseball teams increases, more and more parents are looking into youth tournament baseball teams. While these teams may not be required (some kids may have the talent without it), the hope is that playing more games against better competition will give them the best possible chance at success.

This is mostly true — at least when the right team is found for the child. When the team fits the player, we’ve seen incredible progress that is difficult to achieve otherwise. But picking the wrong team can make a negative impact as well.

Pick wisely. You may determine that tournament baseball isn’t right for your child at all. Do your research on these teams to find the right fit for your child.

Here’s a list of nine things to consider before joining the Spiders or any other youth tournament baseball team.

1. The Coach

This may be most important since the coach is the one person has makes the greatest impact on your child. Make sure you meet the coach and fully understand his philosophy and expectations before moving forward.

Is the coach respectful of others? Is he a jerk? How will he treat the umpires, opponents and your kid? It’s also important that you are able to easily communicate with him to voice any concerns.

Is the coach organized? Are tournaments and practices scheduled long in advanced or on the fly?

What is the coach’s communication style? Does he provide all of the information you need via email? Is there a website to access more information? Is he easy to get a hold of via email, phone or text?

Is the coach experienced? How many years has he coached, and at what level? Did he play as well? While playing at a high level isn’t necessary to be a coach, some playing experience certainly helps.

What is the coach’s coaching philosophy? How does he handle problem kids? Does he make sure every kid gets to play every position, or is the focus on winning games? Who gets benched, when and how often? Which approach is consistent with what you want?

What is the coach’s game strategy? Does he bunt? Aggressive on the bases? These things may not seem important, but you may find yourself frustrated later if you have opposing views here.

2. The Teammates

While the coach is important, who your child’s teammates will be is extremely important as well.

Do any of these kids go to school with your child? This could be a huge positive if they are, and a potential negative if they aren’t.

How many are the same age? Older? Younger?

What do you know about these kids? Do they have good reputations? Joining an unknown situation can be dangerous.

Do these kids seem to be good teammates? How do they treat one another?

What is the ability level of the other kids? My goal is that my son is neither the best nor worst player on the team. I want him to be challenged, but I also don’t want him to waste away on the bench.

One of the reasons we started the Spiders was that we wanted to create an environment where our boys were playing with other boys they are going to school with. This way, all kids would have the common goal of playing together on the same high school team.

3. The Families

It certainly helps if you are already close to families connected to a team. This helps provide insight on what type of relationship you can expect with the other families.

The truth is that the team — the kids, their parents and siblings — become something of an extended family. You will spend a lot of time together. Are these people you want to spend time with?

4. The League

The Spiders are an independent team, but many teams are connected to a league to guarantee themselves practice fields. They’ll play league games during the week and tournaments on the weekends.

Is the team connected to the league? If so, what do you know about it? How many games will they play within the league? Who is on the board? What is the history and reputation of the league?

5. The Location

One of the reasons we started the Spiders is because the league my boys have been playing in is about 25 minutes from our home. In this case, location is important to us.

How far away is the practice facility? If there are league games, where will they be played?

It may not seem like a big deal now, but you’ll soon be making that drive almost every day during the spring and summer. Make sure it’s a drive you’re willing to make!

6. The Costs

Tournament teams may cost as little as less than $1,000 for a season or as much as $5,000 or more. What are you willing to pay?

Also get a detailed report of what the team fees apply to. Sometimes a team’s costs may seem low, but only because there are several “add-ons” that you may not know about.

You may want to get a history of team fees to get an idea of whether costs are consistent or if they are steadily increasingly. This can help give you an idea if you’ll be able to take on the costs not only this year but in future seasons.

7. The Tournament Schedule

Do you want your child to be playing five tournaments per season? Or are you looking for something closer to 30?

While age absolutely impacts what is best here, it also comes down to personal preference. There should always be an eye to keeping your child engaged and making sure burnout isn’t an issue.

How many tournaments is your child able and wanting to play? Not only that, but how many tournaments are you as a parent willing to attend? The number of tournaments your child plays in

8. The Competition Level

This is a big one. Will the team be playing at a AA, AAA or Majors level? Is it more or less competitive than what your child is used to? Has the team succeeded at that level? And is your child a fit for that level?

You may be attracted to trying out for a particular team based on the team’s coach, their success, a friend on the team or that team’s reputation. But it’s important that the level of play is in line with where your child is headed.

9. The Travel

This is an added cost that isn’t found within your team fees. And that cost is both monetary and time.

Some teams will play in tournaments that are only within a reasonable radius of the home city. Others will travel across the country to play in tournaments — either by car or plane. Others provide a mixture.

Personally, I think a little bit of travel is fun for everyone. We plan for a few in-state tournaments that require a hotel stay as well as a couple of out-of-state tournaments. Just know up front what is expected.

Your Turn

There is a limitless list of considerations when picking a youth tournament team. Anything I’m missing?

Tryouts for youth tournament baseball — or any sport for that matter — are stressful for parents and kids. Coaches analyze every move the kids make, marking down notes that could determine their future.

Tryouts typically consist of simple drills for hitting, fielding and pitching. Parents will prepare their kids for these drills. But what most parents don’t realize is that coaches watch far more than what happens between the lines, and if you don’t prepare your child appropriately you may be harming their chances.

The truth is that tryouts are imperfect. It’s often not easy to separate one kid from another based on a small sample size of throws, catches and hits. And since being a good member of a team involves far more than just throwing, fielding and hitting, expect that the coaches are watching more than these things.

Personally, I have a good idea of a kid’s ability before the tryout even begins. More often than not, his team is on Gamechanger, and I can go back and see how he has done and where he has played. In terms of ability, that tells me more than what a small sample of drills can say.

So, I use the tryout to provide a backdrop to what I saw in the stats. I chart the basics, but I also keep notes on things that kids and parents do when they think I’m not looking. And I routinely choose not to draft kids as a result of these tryout sins.

1. Warmups

Tryouts haven’t yet begun, but your child is warming up with his friend. I’m watching closely. Does he have a good process? Does he practice well, or does he warm up lazily?

I can often tell whether a kid is draftable before tryouts even begin based on how he warms up. Make sure your child takes this time seriously.

2. Appearance and Equipment

This sounds cruel, but appearances matter. Does your child actually look like a baseball player?

Understand, this doesn’t mean I’m downgrading the small kids versus the big kids. It doesn’t mean they need to have all of the greatest, most expensive equipment. These things are not what I’m referring to.

But I’ve seen kids show up to tryouts in jeans and no baseball cap. That tells me baseball just isn’t that important to them.

Also, if they think they are a catcher, do they have catcher’s gear? Did they come properly equipped, or do they need to borrow a friend’s gear to participate?

3. Obnoxious Parents

Parent, I know you mean well. But you are killing your kid’s chances.

When I add a player to my team, I add his parents, too. And while one bad kid can certainly make my life difficult, a bad parent may be even more damaging.

You can spot these parents a mile away. They are loud. They are obnoxious. They are too pushy and overbearing.

Let go. Once the tryouts begin, give your child a comforting hug and wish them good luck. You’ve prepared them until now, but this is the time to let them show what they can do without you.

If you are loud and critical during tryouts, I know you will be worse during games. Just keep your mouth shut.

Believe it or not, being too supportive can be an issue as well. They made a nice catch, that’s great. But reserve your celebration during tryouts. The “that’s my kid!” parent is also one who often doesn’t see their child’s flaws and will be first to get upset about playing time.

4. Goofing Off

These are kids. I expect they will behave as kids. But I also want the kids who take this seriously.

Your kid didn’t notice, but when he was being loud and distracting while others were hitting, I checked out the number on his back and made a note of it not to add him.

I’d also include the ability to follow instructions here. If a player isn’t well behaved and doesn’t follow instructions well during a tryout, a coach can expect it will be infinitely worse during a practice or game situation.

Coaching kids is a lot of work. That work multiplies with poorly behaved kids, and sometimes we can see these things during the tryouts and save ourselves some unnecessary stress.

5. Ridiculing Others

If you want your child to be immediately removed from consideration, allow them to laugh at others who aren’t performing well in their tryout. I want nothing to do with this kid on my team.

Kids with bad attitudes often out themselves. They can’t help but make that rude or offensive remark. That just makes my job of assembling a team easier.

6. Showboating

There is a fine line here. Yes, I am looking for talent. I need your child to show that talent. I want them to be confident. But this can be taken too far.

I have removed kids from my list who at the age of nine felt it necessary — at an obnoxious parent’s urging — to hit from both sides of the plate. You are not helping your kid. Don’t do this.

I’m sure your kid is an amazing hitter, and it sure is spectacular that they can already hit from both sides of the plate at the age of nine. But you know what? There is absolutely no advantage to that at a young age.

Will your kid be seeing sliders at the age of nine? If so, that’s when it helps to hit from the side that is opposite of the pitcher. Otherwise, feel free to practice it, but this doesn’t help you in tryouts.

Since it’s highly unlikely your child hits equally well from both sides of the plate at a young age, you are only hurting them. There is no utility to hitting them from both sides until they get older, so why should I care if they can do it now?

As a coach, I want you to hit as well from one side of the plate as you can. By trying to hit from both sides in a tryout, you are only exposing a weakness. It wasn’t your intention, but I now question whether your child is coachable.

[NOTE: Obviously switch-hitting can be a benefit for older kids, but make sure they are actually exceptional hitters from both sides before doing this in a tryout.]

7. Timeliness

This one isn’t necessarily fair, but it sends a bad message if you show up late to tryouts or have to leave early. This tryout is an important part of your baseball future, and if you don’t take it seriously why should I add you?

This is a commitment for everyone — the coaches, parents, and players. I want the kid who shows up early and stays until the end. The kid who shows up late or leaves early is likely to be the same kid I can’t count on to show up to games or practices.

BONUS. Respectfullness

When I’m talking to the group, you stop what you’re doing, put your hands on your hips, and give me eye contact. When I ask you to do something, you say, “Yes, coach” or “No, Coach.”

This isn’t the military. I’m not trying to make it seem that way. But respectful kids are a coach’s dream. You can count on them to listen and pay attention. They set a great example. They aren’t the players who create problems.

Being respectful in a tryout is a great way to make a good impression and set yourself apart from other players with similar abilities. Being disrespectful will do the complete opposite.

BONUS. Versatility

If you played shortstop for your last team, that doesn’t mean you’ll be the shortstop — or even a shortstop — for mine. While it’s important to let me know what you’re capable of doing, your position doesn’t define you.

Don’t be that kid who refuses to do anything but take grounders at shortstop. Let the coach know that you’ll play wherever he wants you to play.

Even if you’re a catcher, try not to pigeon-hole yourself here. If the coach only sees your skills as a catcher, what’s he going to do if you aren’t one of the top two players available at that position? Make sure he knows that you can play elsewhere and that you’d like to show what you can do in the field.

BONUS. Hustle

So few kids do it consistently. There is no reason whatsoever not to hustle every moment you can during a tryout. It shows your commitment and focus. It shows the coach that you’re always willing to give your best.

Bust your butt. Leave everything on the field. Have no regrets. Whatever cliche you need. You need more than talent. You need to show the coach that you’re willing to push yourself to get the most out of your talent.

Your Turn

I’m actually a bit hesitant to share these secrets because it’s helpful that most families ignore them. It makes separating the kids I want to add from those I don’t much easier.

But you and your child can also make well-meaning mistakes, giving a coach a bad impression of an otherwise good kid. And this is what I want to help prevent.

Any other mistakes that I’m forgetting? Let me know in the comments below!

That’s a tournament winning hit, and the result is pure joy all around.

But the flip side is that kids can have difficulty handling adversity. They cry. They pout. They stomp their feet. They grab their head. They blame the umpire or anyone other than themselves.

Then what?

A Kid Playing Baseball

It’s very common for kids to handle adversity in emotional ways. It distracts them from understanding what actually happened, and it can impede progress.

As coaches, we first must acknowledge that this is natural. It’s something that I am still working on. But these are kids playing baseball, after all.

Once we acknowledge the problem, we should also help the player understand what is happening. They need to know that while an emotional reaction is natural, they should channel it constructively.

The breakthrough is when a coach can help a kid see the benefits of channeling that emotion. That their reaction prevented them from analyzing what went wrong. It prevented them from learning from it. It kept them from getting better.

But just as importantly, handling adversity constructively is an important part of leadership and teamwork. Reacting poorly to adversity sets a bad example for teammates. It tells them that there is a problem. It tells them it may be time to give up. It tells them that things are getting out of control.

This example may be the easiest way to get through to emotional players. While it’s easy to focus on themselves, their reaction can positively or negatively impact their teammates. And when they channel that adversity into a positive reaction, it’s awesome seeing them realize the positive impact they can make.

Playing Like a Baseball Player

This is the best way I’ve found to simplify for kids the importance of how you react to adversity.

You can react like…

1) A kid playing baseball

or

2) A baseball player

A kid playing baseball is only worried about what just happened. They are angry. They are embarrassed. They are sad. And they hate that it happened to them.

But a kid playing baseball doesn’t learn from adversity. They just know that it’s an unpleasant situation.

The key is to help these kids mature to be baseball players. A baseball player may still be emotional. They may still be upset, angry, embarrassed or sad. But they quickly channel that emotion positively.

They quickly think about what happened. They know they hated it, and they want to learn from it. So they replay the situation, and they think about what they need to do next time to prevent it from happening ever again.

Additionally, they know the importance of their outward reaction on their teammates. They want to be sure that their teammates see this as no big deal. “It’s okay, we’ve still got this. Let’s move on!”

In both cases, the player experiences emotion. But in one, that emotion clouds the player’s mind and prevents them from learning from the experience. In the other, the player accepts responsibility and reflects on what they can do to improve themselves.

Real Life Examples

Go down a long list of examples where kids can take two paths with emotion. We can go on for days. But here’s one…

The kid in question has two strikes. The pitcher fools him with an offspeed pitch. His immediate reaction is that it’s inside, but he was in no position to hit it because he was fooled. The umpire called it a strike.

This type of situation tends to be most emotional for kids playing baseball. They have lost control. Someone else determined their fate, and they are mad at the umpire, blaming him for the call.

But a baseball player looks at the situation with more maturity…

A baseball player will give the pitcher credit for fooling him and making a good pitch.

A baseball player will be looking for the offspeed pitch next time.

A baseball player understands that the umpire will likely call the same pitch a strike next time. So if he gets it again, he will be prepared to swing at it.