Hillary Clinton, ragga MC and U.S. Secretary of State, was deeply pleasured today by a Tears for Queers mixtape she inserted in to the pocket of her trademark pantsuit. The mixtape, thought to have been handed to her by an elite troupe of Libyan rebels, contained 17 songs carefully curated by the global DJs to inspire euphoria amongst the freedom fighters. Clearly, the effect on Clinton was more potent still.

It is not the first time MC Killer Hilz, as the Secretary of State is known on the ragga scene, has been linked with Tears for Queers. Following an impromptu rap during the assassination of Osama Bin Ladan that drew widespread praise from military bigwigs, rumours grew that Clinton would make a guest appearance at the DJs’ notorious George & Dragon residency.

Just as Tears for Queers remained characteristically tight lipped about those rumours, so the party phenomenons have kept their counsel on which tracks sparked such sexual delight in Mrs Clinton. Forces on the ground in Tripoli suggested it could have been Linda Lyndell’s original version of What a Man. Others, conscious of Clinton’s dancehall heritage, suspect that nothing less than Lady Saw could have sparked such undisguised joy.

Tears for Queers could not be reached for comment amid rumours that having helped secure freedom for Libyans they are now focusing efforts on entirely revolutionising the chocolate brownie.