SENIOR Q&A: Father is having trouble walking

By Linda Sullivan and Debbie Gitner / Daily News Correspondents

Tuesday

Mar 12, 2019 at 12:13 PMMar 14, 2019 at 2:34 PM

Q: My father is not walking as far as he did six months ago. He commented to me that his legs are not as strong. My father is in his 90s and I would expect some slowing down at his age. My father denies pain in his legs or knees, but once said they are uncomfortable. He refuses to talk with a physician about this change; instead he walks every day but not as far. I suggested physical therap for muscle toning and he refused. Any other suggestions?

A: Talk with your father about talking with his primary care physician. Remind your father that if he has declined, he could decline further. Maybe he can get back some of the strength in his legs with an exercise program. Waiting could make it even more of a challenge to get back to this current level. Offer to go with your dad to the PCP or to a physical therapy appointment. If there is a upcoming family event, such as wedding, it may remind him he might want to dance at the family event. Many people want to get stronger. Maybe there is an underlying pain or health issue your father does not want to burden you with, so instead he accepts the change as his new norm.

Q: My mother lives in a nursing home. Her mind is still sharp, but every time I visit she has a complaint. I talk with the staff to get their input and hear their side of the story, but the complaints about my mother's issues with the food and other things at the nursing home are not getting to me soon enough. My mother was usually happy and always felt lucky. I am not sure what to do and how to help my mother. Any suggestions?

A: Ask for a care plan meeting to discuss your mother’s issues. What does the staff have to say about your mother’s complaints? Also investigate if your mother is depressed. There is something called "situational depression" that can cause someone who is not depressed to feel sad and hopeless. This often happens to seniors who realize they will not be returning home because of health issues that are out of their control. Your mother is now dependent on others causing her to feel she has no control. She has little control in a nursing home but she needs to feel she has some control in her life. If you feel your mother is sad, ask if your mother can be seen by a clinical therapist/social worker. Your mother may need an antidepressant to help her with her mood. Discuss with the staff ways your mother can feel she has choices and some control.

Q: My sister is not helping at all with our father. When I ask her to visit she is too busy. When I ask her to pick something up she is too busy. She will visit our father when she wants, which means that, most of the time helping our dad falls on my shoulders. I get all the calls. I take my father to all medical appointments, etc. How can I get my sister to help? Are there any other suggestions to reduce my stress?

A: To be very honest it’s not clear you can make your sister change. However, there may be an underlying reason why she is reluctant to help. Does she feel you are in charge and should do everything, does it go back to sibling rivalry, is she scared your father is getting sick and will pass away one day, etc? There are home care agencies that can be hired to come in a few hours during the week to make meals, change the linen, wash clothing, food shop etc. The help in the house has eyes on your father, and during their visit, if issues arise, you will be called. There are also mediators that can sit down with you and your sister to discuss issues in the home and maybe you can have a written contract with your sister dividing up the tasks.

Linda Sullivan RN, CMC, and Debbie Gitner, LCSW, C-SWCM, are geriatric care managers and aging life care professionals. Together they started a business called ElderCare Resource Services, a company that assists, advocates and helps families through the medical maze of options for their family member. Contact them at 508-879-7008; toll free at 866-280-2308 or visit www.eldercareresourceservices.com.

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