Through Fresh Eyes is my personal intake on the world. Incorporating Black and Gay society, I give insight into the many different aspects of my culture, the way I see things.
As a writer I may not write all the time but when I do write it's with passion. That's the difference between a writer and someone who can write.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Misconception of Coming Out

What does it truly mean to come out? Is it announcing
to the world ones sexual desires and acts, wearing rainbow paraphernalia and
loud colors or is it that moment of identification, proudly accepting ones
sexuality and being okay with it? There is no right or wrong answer, but there
is a big misconception about the subject. Recently I posed the question: do you
think coming out is important? Why or why not; to which an assortment of
diverse answers were submitted and that’s when I noticed a trend. Not only does
it seem as if a lot of gay black men are against coming out, but they also view
the action negatively.

“What I feel is most important is that one must feel
comfortable with himself. I am proud of WHO and WHAT I am but I don't feel the
need to have to wear a tee-shirt and parade my sexuality to prove myself to
anyone. what I do sexually doesn't define Who nor What I am. and that is a 100%
man. I live my own life as I please and Love who i please without restrictions
or definitions.”

“Coming out doesn't even mean what it use to mean. When
you’re grown and live your own life then you don't have to broadcast that you
like boy pussy and or dick. Like I always say regardless of who I lay down with
I'm still the same person.”

“LMAOOO....NOT IMPOTANT TO ME ITS NO ONES BUSINESS BUT
THE ONE IM DATING AND WHOEVER ELSE I CHOOSE TO TELL...IM NOT TELLING NO ONE
ANYTHING OR ANSWERING NO QYUESTIONS IF YOUR NOT IMPORTANT TO MY LIFE.”

Seeing such comments I had to ask myself if I am the one
with the misunderstanding. Never have I known coming out to mean broadcasting
to the world ones sexual exploits or painting a vivid image of what occurs in one’s
bedroom. In fact, I thought coming out was an act of individual catharsis, self-identity,
or even just liberation. Liberation from the oppressed thought that
homosexuality is such a taboo subject that it should be kept a secret; hidden
from the rest of the world. Viewing coming out as unimportant is exactly the
old fashioned idea that continues to set gay individuals back throughout the
world. How can we expect others to become comfortable with the subject when we
ourselves are the main saboteurs?

I take comfort in the fact that there are indeed likeminded
individuals in the world as myself. Individuals who know that coming out is not
about making your co-workers uncomfortable or advertising personal business,
but instead realize that coming out is an everyday journey. It is the
acceptance of one’s own sexual orientation, and the comfort that comes with it.

“Important. Especially if you intend to date someone who
is "OUT". It can only be an equitable relationship if you're meeting
each other half way the entire way. I can't be introducing you to my family as
my boyfriend, meanwhile when we go around your family I'm your
"friend". I think it's a form a disrespect to the person who is OPEN,
and I think it completely devalues the relationship. Don't get me wrong, if
you're kicking it with a dude and for the first 3-8 months nothing comes up
then fine. but after like 8 months it becomes hard to deny that you're dating
someone especially if they start showing up at events. The very nature of
humans is curiosity. Let's be real though, people are NOT stupid, I personally
think it's hilarious to see what lengths people will go to just to disguise
their true sexuality.”

Without question the definition of coming out is different
for each individual and regardless of how necessary/unnecessary some may find
it to be, there is a large misconception of what coming truly is. Coming out
has and will always be that clear line between living comfortably or living
based on the impressions of others. The only question left to answer is what
side of the line would you rather live on?

“It is liberating and freeing if u will..i would say ALL
GAY FOLKS need to come to out to themselves...make sure u comfortable with
being gay b4 anyone else is comfortable with u...”

5 comments:

Wow, You never cease to impress me with your writing. This was very thought provoking, as I've never given the issue much thought. I have however, always thought that it's an individual issue, much like abortion. No one should be forced to come out. It bothers me when Blacks especially are upset when someone doesn't admit to the world that they're Gay, when it's really none of your business. As you said, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to this issue.

I agree with your point that no one should be forced to come out as it is a personal choice. You raised an interesting idea about how Blacks get upset when they aren't gay but I think that goes into many different subjects. Many Blacks believe that our race should always unite us and as soon as you step outside of such established understanding you're seen as a traitor. A prime example would be Stacy Dash; as a Black woman many people expected her to support President Obama but once she endorsed Romney the Black community turned on her.