(Believe it or not, all you have to type is “how to b” before “how to become a vampire” pops up. Serious cat.)

“Twilight has doomed us all” was the caption to this screencap over at The Daily What. It’s not wrong, but let’s be honest, this represents at least 10 reasons why we’re doomed before Twilight even enters the picture. For instance, the number two goal behind vampire is model. And apparently, being a pharmacist is far more popular than being a doctor. I don’t even know what a pharmacist does other than make you wait 20 minutes for stuff. Additionally, it seems a lot of people are really curious about becoming anorexic. Relax, fatty, there’s no entrance exam.

Join The Discussion

If Google had any social consciousness, they would update their spelling correction programming.

How to become anorexic?

Did you mean: How to become attractive, you fat slut?

09.21.09 at 1:32 pm

ATidyLittleSum

How to be a model

Step 1. Don’t be ugly.
Step 2. Know how to walk.
Step 3. Repeat.

How to be an actor

Step 1. Don’t be ugly.
Step 2. Know how to talk.
Step 3. Repeat.

How to be a Wall-Mart greater

Step 1. Be ugly.
Step 2. Don’t know how to talk.
Step 3. Repeat.

09.21.09 at 1:35 pm

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm

Ironically, I always considered “Twilight” vampires for dummies.

09.21.09 at 1:36 pm

Donkey Hodey

I want everybody to notice that the number four choice that pops up after typing in only the word “how” is “How to get pregnant” and then bitch to me with a straight face about low voter turnout or the fact that retarded movies still make big money at the box office.

09.21.09 at 1:37 pm

Donkey Hodey

BTK, as a result of thinking about this, I will now on refer to the field of dog breeding as “Red Rocket Science”.

09.21.09 at 1:38 pm

Shop 101

And to think, how to burn a corpse had so short a run on top. Much more useful.

09.21.09 at 1:42 pm

Fek'lhr

Hey, let’s scroll down to choice number 413! Yeah, that’s right! How to become a Klingon!

09.21.09 at 1:42 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ

With all the dumb-fucks that use Google, I wouldn’t be shocked if “How do you Google?” would come up.

09.21.09 at 1:44 pm

RoboPanda

I can guarangoddamntee you that every one of those “how to become a pharmacist” searches was made by someone who has never worked in retail pharmacy.

The reason it takes 20 minutes is because the person in front of you in line brought in 11 empty bottles all out of refills when their doctor is out of the office and the insurance expired, and of course they don’t have a new card and of course they didn’t call in a refill request 3 days ago instead of bringing in bottles now and of course they’re “completely out” of pills and just now decided to do shit about it and of course they had no idea their doctor would be out of the office on a fucking Saturday and of course 5 of the 11 are control drugs we can’t refill without authorization without committing a crime, possibly a felony depending on the medication, and of course I fucking drink and of course I’m drunk right now on my day off and of course this was all one sentence.

In summation, most people are fucking Twitarded, and you’ll get stuck behind them in line at the drug store and the voting booth.

09.21.09 at 1:48 pm

Lester Hayes Mayes

If you type in “How to”, the top answers include:
How to Kiss
How to Get Pregnant
How to Get Rid of Stretch Marks

If they add “How to Bleach Your Own Asshole” they can go ahead and cancel Sex Ed at American high schools.

09.21.09 at 1:54 pm

Cross_Country_Heat

I got a browser you can use, and every result is “how to get fucked in my ‘bago”.

09.21.09 at 1:57 pm

Shop 101

Strangely, Yahoo gives you “how to b”low a hole in your head. No kids there, only us investors.

09.21.09 at 2:16 pm

RoboPanda

I didn’t Durst this with my seething hate for everything did I? Cuz it’s not going away.

09.21.09 at 2:18 pm

Patty Boots

I miss the good ol’ days when supernatural beings were actually scary, not some 16-year-old chick’s sparkly prom date.

09.21.09 at 3:51 pm

Arbuckle

#6 result for “I lost”….I lost on Jeopardy.
Weird Al is still relevant!

Also, just type in “does”…three of the first ten answers question the validity of male enhancement.
Penises are still relevant!