How to help your child survive exam stress

Written By Charlotte Brouwer | 2 June 2016

Breeze through exam time with these helpful tips and stress busters

Exam period can be an anxious time for both parents and children.

Children today are under a significant amount of pressure when it comes to their education. Hilary Wyatt, Headmistress at Hyde Park School in South Kensington, said: 'high competition and limited spaces at reputable schools means the need to hit top results and out-perform peers is ever-increasing. Dealing with that level of pressure isn’t always is easy – and not just for students but parents as well.'

It’s really important to boost your child’s self-esteem during this time, so they can do well and continue to cope with the demands of the classroom.

With exams well underway, here are a few ways to help your child be calm, confident, prepared and motivated through the stressful exam period.

1. Support

Paola Diana, founder of nanny service Nanny and Butler works with various families and has great insight into how a family operates with daily life challenges. She says that when it comes to the exam period, it's very important for parents to fully support their children in every aspect of their lives, from making sure they eat a healthy breakfast in the morning, to ensuring they doing outdoor sports and exercises. 'Each element of their lives can have an effect on their stress levels so it is important to help them stay balanced', she says.

Also, praise your child on how much revision they have done, how much effort they are putting in and how much work they have done at school up to this point. 'Focus on what they are doing towards the exams and praise and reward them for this, rather than setting a reward for getting specific grades', says Charlotte Gater, Curriculum Manager at Explore Learning. Setting expectations of what they have to achieve can put undue stress on them. 'You need to support your child with how they are going to achieve goals, rather than just what the goal is. This way they will feel more confident and will be able to perform at school and in the exams', she explains.

'Talk to your child – find out what it is they want to achieve', says Charlotte Gater, Curriculum Manager at Explore Learning. You inevitably want your child to do well, however they may be setting unrealistic expectations. Children often put added pressure on themselves because they don’t want to let parents down. By talking together about their goals, how proud you are of them and how pleased you will be as long as they try their best, then you will have a more confident child.'

Hilary Wyatt says that it's also crucial that as parents, you give your child an opportunity to talk about how they are coping with exam stress and then look for ways you can combat this. 'At Hyde Park School we have regular “tea and toast” sessions in my office so the older students can talk openly about how they are feeling. This means that any worries, concerns, issues and problems can be tackled immediately – rather than leaving them to build up and intensify.

'There’s no reason why this can’t be implemented in the family home too. Setting aside five minutes of focused time each day when you turn off your mobile and chat to your child about how they’re managing their workload is a great way to spot pressure points which you can then address with them directly. Doing this before bedtime is also an effective technique in helping your children sleep better – the act of talking about a worry immediately helps take some of the burden off your child’s shoulders, helping them feel more rested. In addition, we also have "worry boxes", where students can write down any specific concerns they have that are then addressed individually, as a class, in assembly or shared with parents where appropriate. Why not suggest this at your child’s school if it’s not something they already offer?'

There are plenty of ways you can work together with your child to work through exam stress. Charlotte Gater, Curriculum Manager at Explore Learning says that planning is key. 'Help to reduce stress by planning with your child what they are going to do. Give them ownership over creating a timetable so they decided when they are going to study. Help them to create achievable goals and make sure they have factored in plenty of breaks.' There are also revision techniques you can adopt. 'Everyone learns in different ways so finding what works for your child can make them feel really confident about their revision. The work they put in will get results and this will boost their self-esteem', says Charlotte Gater. There are three different types of learners; auditory learners who learn through listening, visual learners who like to use images, colours and charts to learn, and kinaesthetic learners who like to learn through physical activites.

If your child is an auditory learner:

Encourage them to learn with friends so that they can talk about topics.

Quiz your child on what they have been learning, and talk through the subjects with them, and help to explain things.

Try to find videos that help explain topics.

If your child is a visual learner:

Try making some spider diagrams to help illustrate a topic.

Create posters with bright colours to displaying around the house.

Make some flash cards and link facts with pictures to help your child to remember.

Encourage your child to write out notes and read them to help them to retain information.

Get them to read example answers, highlight and label good points.

If your child is a kinaesthetic learner:

Suggest your child create flow charts and spider diagrams out of post–it notes and put them up on their wall to make it more physical.

Try learning whilst doing something else. Go for a run together and quiz your child on something they’ve been studying.

Flash cards can be used as a game to make learning more active.

Give you child something physical to play with to help them stay focused, this could be a stress ball or just some blue tac.

One initial reaction that many parents have is to immediately invest in extra tuition, making the assumption that extra lessons will help better prepare their child ahead of an exam, thus reducing the likelihood of stress and panic in the weeks and days beforehand. However, while this can sometimes give students a temporary edge, headmistress Hilary Wyatt said that it can often mask weaknesses that become exposed further down the line and can also mean children become over-dependent on tutoring in order to keep up with their peers: not to mention the added pressure of a gruelling academic workload with little time for pupils to actually relax, clear their minds and simply be a child. She says 'rather than overloading your child with extra-tuition, we would always recommend speaking with your school to discuss any subject areas with which your child may be struggling, and then discussing ways of tackling those areas together. This will allow your child to learn at their own pace and achieve their full potential, but in a sustainable and realistic way – helping both you and them to avoid unnecessary stress and anxiety.'

Take time off from the exams – make sure that you take time away from the stress of the exams. Plan to do things together that you enjoy. 'Revision is important, but so is having a break. Exercise can get everyone out of the house and relieve stress. It can also help with sleep which is vital during exam time' says Charlotte Gater, Curriculum Manager at Explore Learning. Be sure to make time for fun things like movie and popcorn nights or going for a picnic as a family.

'While it is vital for my children to revise and prepare well for their exams, it is my duty as a mother to ensure a good equilibrium between their academics and personal lives', says Paola Diana, founder of nanny service Nanny and Butler. 'I advise spending time planning outdoor activities with children taking exams because fresh air is always good to refresh their minds and to relax from stressful preparations and revision. Planning trips and treats with my children is a good motivation for them as it does not only excel their goals academically, but also helps them to realise that parents are always their backbones who will always be there to support and experience both the stressful and fun times.'

Headmistress Hilary Wyatt stresses that it's important to remember that children live in the emotional atmosphere created by their parents or guardians. This means that a stressed family home often equals a stressed child. It’s always a good idea for you to take the appropriate measures to help reduce and manage your own stress levels. Activities like yoga and mindfulness also help aid sleep – a vital component in ensuring your child is well rested and able to focus throughout the academic day.

When it comes to exams, there’s no better revision aid than a good night of sleep. Scientifically proven to play a key role in the consolidation of memories, sleep helps you to store everything you’ve learnt during the day. Not only that, but it gives you a chance to recharge your batteries, increase your focus and reduce the chance of mistakes. Dr Guy Meadows from The Sleep School and ambassador for Bensons for Beds suggests that the best ways to guarantee a good night's sleep during exam period are:

Avoid cramming – all-night cramming sessions may seem like a good idea, but they’re counter-productive. Research shows that we do worse when we’re sleep deprived because we miss out on the sleep stage that we use to store memories.

Stay away from blue light – the blue light that shines from most modern devices disturbs your sleep by activating the release of the waking hormone Cortisol. Improve the quality of your child's sleep by switching off all their devices at least 30 minutes before bed.

Wind down – if they’ve been revising all day it can be difficult for their brain to know when it’s time to switch off, leaving them lying in bed and wide awake! Draw a line between the active daytime phase and the quiet night time. Encourage listen to relaxing music, reading a favourite book or having a bath to shift down a gear and prepare their brain for sleep.

Wake with light – if waking up is a struggle for them, then the best remedy is natural light. Open the curtains to sunlight to tell their internal body clock that the day has started. This will curb the release of Melatonin (the sleep promoting hormone) and energise them for the day ahead.

Take active time out – exercising for just 30 minutes each day is scientifically proven to improve the depth of your sleep, so encourage them to do something active. The endorphin release can also be a fantastic stress buster, helping to lift their mood and ease those worries.

Power nap – if they’re feeling tired and lacking focus after lunch, encourage them to try a short power nap. Research tells us that even a 10 minute snooze can boost alertness, energy levels and creativity. For best results, encourage them to nap between midday and 3pm and keep it short (no more than 30 minutes!).

Take a break – it’s easy for hours to pass without doing anything else when you’re in revision mode. This might feel like the best thing to do, but it can make it difficult for your brain to switch off at the end of the day. Encourage them to schedule regular short breaks every hour for to do something completely different like listening to music, having a snack or going for a walk. This helps to create head space – boosting productivity during the day and the ability to switch off at night.