Month: June 2014

Sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough. I ask if anybody really cares. I doubt that anyone ever truly listens. I fear that I don’t matter.

But that only happens when I let the world out there judge the world in here. Yes, sometimes it slips my mind that I don’t write for recognition, that I don’t need to persuade anyone of anything and that as long as I follow my heart I cannot fail. I forget that my words are not solely a means for a future goal but truly a goal in themselves. Each sentence, each word, each syllable and each letter is a complete universe that is meaningful in its pure existence. Just as every person is complete in their simple presence and their every feature is perfect in its actuality, the words that I have written fulfill their own purpose in this world. As soon as they are written and uttered they are not mine to care for, they are not mine to neither be ashamed of nor take praise for. I am the facilitator, simply one who unleashes what needs to be freed; I am nothing but the opportunity.

Suddenly all of my questions, doubts and fears dissolve into thin air because they were only real in the world out there. They belonged to the world of narrow minds, big achievements and superficial recognition, a world that, however much it struggles, cannot accurately translate the enchanted messages of the world within. Only in creativity can these worlds be linked with a gate, through us, the enablers. Only in a shackle-free and open mind can the wind blow from within and without, connecting two parallel worlds through a simple break. Only then can the magic from the world within flow freely out in the world without and project its true beauty for our eyes to see. I am that opportunity, and for that I matter.

It’s okay to fall back sometimes, to stumble and to fall into pits that you were certain you could handle. There’s no end in learning, that’s what I’ve learnt. We’ll never fall into a pointless pit because that’s just not how life works. The real challenges of those dark holes that we all sometimes end up falling into are to find the lessons and really learn in order to stand tall again. Otherwise we become our own roadblocks, our own missing rung on the way back up. I’ve been stumbling and falling quite a bit lately and it has consequently made me rather upset and puzzled. I have pitied and blamed myself, cried a good share of tears and I have asked “why?!” one too many times,only to unconsciously dig myself a bigger hole and inhibit my own resurrection…

So I decided not to forbid myself to fall, to fail, to relapse and regress into anger, tears and self-pity because that would only have caused me to become even more disappointed, sad and angry. Instead I repeated to myself countless times: it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. And when it all seemed the most hopeless, I suddenly started believing in what I was telling myself, it really is okay. I had known it all along but I had my reasons to doubt and so I let myself, because it is okay to doubt. Even when my mind was saying that nothing was okay my heart stayed convinced: it’s all okay!

What I have realized is that there is no point in resisting; life hits us, and sometimes even harder than we thought we could handle, no matter how much we fight it. When we accept that, we also learn that we can handle quite a lot. Actually we learn that there isn’t much we can’t handle; yet we remain humble because we know all about what life can put us through. Once we stop resisting what life is handing us, accepting its challenges and embracing its lessons, we start growing. We become the persons that life intended us to be because we travelled on its road however bumpy and harsh it turned out to be. We grow as strong as we possibly could have because nothing ever came too easy to us. We become as wise as the old because we have lived just as much but in fewer years. We laugh as happily as the children because we hear that motherly voice, even as it whispers, “everything is okay”.

We all contain the same infinity,
All different in how we embody it.
Small ones in our eyes,
Big ones in space,
Black holes of magic.
Infinities within worlds of limits,
Limits within an endless world.
If we only dare to look and see,
In darkness they grow.
Boundaries fade and all merges,
So they see their own true light.
Countless stars in the mirror,
Surrounded by a vast night.
We shine the brightest in the dark.
So lets not be frightened,
To search for light in black holes,
To look into each others eyes,
To finally see,
Beyond the confines,
Away from “you” and “me”,
The boundless unity.
The infinity explodes, expands,
Again and again.
When all darkness is uncovered,
Finally we will rest,
Forever embraced in cosmic light.