This pizza gone Hulk is the 19-inch XL pizza they offer at Joey Nova’s. It’s perfectly flimsy, sauced lightly, topped heavily, and dribbles out just enough grease that your bite virtually slides down your throat on its own. It’s pie ecstasy in its most basic form, blown up 1000 percent without losing the quality.

If you’re like me, you’re not thinking: “Ya know what’d be really great? If Joey Nova’s challenged us to eat an entire 19-inch by ourselves, with five meat toppings, in 30 minutes or less.”

You’re not thinking that because you read the sign outside the front door.

That’s for another day. Let’s switch gears and talk about the first great alfredo I’ve had in a while and the excellent service at Joey Nova’s.

The Basics: Joey Nova’s resides in Tonka Bay, a few steps from a chocolate shop and a couple doors down in a strip mall from something called Fish Guy and Pet Supply. You can find them online at joeynovas.com. Check out their Facebook page and read about their $6 spaghetti Wednesdays. My stomach expanded at the mere thought of it.

I cannot emphasize enough how great the service is here at Nova’s: I brought my family to dine here, and not a single one of them was driven to quit. You know those families who re-arrange the whole restaurant to accommodate their seating desires, bicker briefly at the counter before ordering, and order pretty much everything without one ingredient or with an extra ingredient added, and we nearly all order something entirely different to drink?

Hi, that’s us: My mother wanted a coffee, my wife and sister wanted fountain drinks, my stepfather wanted a bottle of Coke, and I wanted a beer. My stepfather wanted a small Meat Lover’s, but I talked him into going XL with just pepperoni and sausage. I then ordered my chicken alfredo. My wife wanted baked ziti, but with meatballs instead of regular sausage; and my mother wanted … I don’t remember exactly, but it didn’t have meat and she wanted a side salad out right away.

Remember that scene in the Super Mario Bros. movie, where Mario and Luigi are trying to explain to a clerk that their names are Mario Mario and Luigi Mario? If you haven’t seen it, don’t. It’s not worth excruciating yourself with that movie. Just miss the reference and move on.

The staff didn’t make a single mistake. If you ever go out to a trivia night and overhear an opponent talk about working at Nova’s, just give up and go home.

It’s a quaint interior, one you can miss altogether if you remain focused on the stack of pizza boxes behind the counter (they make boxes for the 19-inch pizzas; they’re basically shipping pallets) or the man hand-tossing the extra-large crusts near the seats. Missing it altogether is exactly what I did, though I did notice the grape lights. Otherwise, it’s a quaint interior (I think).

They’ve got four beers on tap, including Excelsior’s Big Island Blond, which I ordered. Does it pair well with pizza? Sure it does, becaaause it’s beer aaand it’s pizza.

Everyone loved what they ordered. It was gone before I could see it, but my little sister loved her chicken parm. I had a bite of my wife’s ziti, and approve of their sauce and cheese distribution on this. My alfredo came like I’d never seen alfredo before, with sliced tomatoes and green peppers in it. It added a nice crunch, and the illusion of eating something that was healthier than it really was.

The pizza didn’t re-heat very well in the microwave, but that’s the only negative thing I can say about Joey Nova’s. The total damages were just south of $80, but let’s recap: Four pasta dishes, pint of a beer, two fountain drinks, a coffee, a bottle of Coke, a salad, and a 19-inch two-topping pizza. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible to beat, but you’re going to have a tough time finding the same level of quality at a comparable price point for all of that.

We loaded up our five to-go boxes, re-arranged the restaurant back to its original specification, and left in agreement that we’d return before long. The price was right, the cooks nailed everything, and the service was baffling in its precision.

A moral obligation to face down that pizza challenge doesn’t seem incommodious in the least. Rather, I’m quite looking forward to it.

Have you had a Parlour burger?! Have you been to Il Foro at lunchtime?! Have you had Saint Dinette’s burger yet?!

It’s tough to stay in the limelight for long in this age of Tinder swiping and six-second video loops. In the bite of an apple, our on-screen temperament swings from outraged to amazed and back again. It’s impressive, really, but it’s even more so when a simple cheeseburger stays in the discussion regardless of trends.

If you follow Twin Cities food, you know about Lions Tap. It doesn’t matter who’s hot right now.

While big-name chefs bicker and shuffle, anonymous heroes at this suburban oasis pump out prize-worthy patties like Tommy gun rounds. By my understanding, it’s been this way since before I was born. The prices, the plates, and the flavors: You can call them old-fashioned, but the better word might be “Timeless.”

The Basics: You can find Lions Tap dominating the corner of Flying Cloud Dr. and Spring Road in Eden Prairie, and on the Internet here. Occasionally, you can find their burgers featured on airplane menus when departing MSP.

I sit in the same spot every time, near the end at the bar counter with the merchandise nook almost directly behind me. I look to my 3 o’clock and see an entrance way caked in award plaques; I look to my nine and see the fireplace on the far wall, and the iconic lion portrait above it. Near my feet was a mud bucket with a hand-written sign: “5-gallon pail with lid: $3.”

I’ve been heckled by management every time I’ve been in here. This time, it was because I asked for a to-go box.

“They’re free with every order!” said tonight’s manager. “But no, we’re just gonna make you carry it out in your hands.”

Two things are a must: A double-cheese (I ordered this for my wife to-go in said box), and the double California. The double Cali doesn’t sit on a plate so much as it towers. The Friday afternoon thunderweights they pile up at 6Smith aren’t even this tall. Three wooden stakes are needed to keep this puppy upright; a triple would likely require an elevator.

They’re juicy like they are tall. This ain’t the place to be showing off your $120 Kanye tee.

The double Cali without cheese or ketchup is ground beef at its best — bricks magicked with Lions Tap’s own seasoning mix and the grizzle of a 35-year-old kitchen. One bite sends a cascade of grease and tomato juice onto your plate, accumulating to the point you can dip your last bites into it like au jus. I was in and out in 20 minutes, but the flavor lingered in my mouth like a souvenir.

Speaking of 20, how about $20 for the double Cali, a single cheese, tax, and tip? Good luck with that just about anywhere else. Hell, good luck with that at Burger King even.

They make it look easy, but what do you expect from a business that’s been doing it this way for 35 years? When you do it this well for this long, it doesn’t matter if Eater stupidly excludes them from their iconic burger listicle or if an Uptown joint’s hogging hashtags on Instagram. Lions Tap was built and solidified long before the Internet hotness, and it’ll be standing strong long after the fires go out. #MicDrop