On Donald Trump

Today is the last day we have together before Donald Trump becomes the President Of The United States Of America. Let us hold hands and bow our heads. Shed a tear if you like, we’re all friends here.

It’s a funny one, because you can’t just write a ‘little bit’ about him. Even just between him winning the election and the inauguration he has provided enough insanity to fill a book. I think we’ll learn quickly to laugh so we don’t cry.

I think I, like many, thought George Bush Jr would be the lowest America would ever sink but here we are. He’s an amazing man-child, a wonderfully insane product of our civilisation. He represents everything about us, that a man who treats people as he does, who conducts business as he does and is open and shameless about it all could get the nod to say – “he is the best person we have” is very apt.

I understand why he won however. I think the contrast to the UK is interesting. Here, I picture an ideal Prime Minister as a fairly dull civil servant. I want someone with honour and dignity, someone who will work hard and rise above the petty nature of politics; they’ll just do a good job and be happy with it.

America in contrast needs a celebrity. It always votes for the most exciting candidate, right? The attention grabber, the headline maker, the one who turns heads when they enter the room. That’s what they want in a leader, just like the Russians seem to enjoy an rough jawed authoritarian. It’s ingrained into the psychology of the nation.

But the thing with America; it’s greatest cultural export was and probably is Hollywood. These huge films. Big, brash and dumb. For a nation so enthralled in film, so attached to it, I’d expect them to get it a little bit more.

Surely no-one is looking at Donald Trump and thinking, yeah this guy is a real hero. He’s Luke Skywalker, taking on the evils of the Galactic Empire.

He’s Blofeld. He’s Zod. If he was on the Titanic, he’d be pushing through all the women and children to the lifeboats.

He’s such an unbelievable narcissist, such a baby in adult form; he’s Tom Hanks in Big, but an unpopular bully of a fifth child in the body of a president. Sounds like a cheap movie of the week, his whole life does. Second rate science fiction, or a re-tread of decent science fiction – “Radio Free Albemuth” by Philip K Dick – where the Russians install an American president who oversees a totalitarian style rule. I expect there will be shelves of science fiction novels in the future where they send someone back in time to assassinate him as an infant. Or, y’know, Netflix shows.

I’m glad he is reviled in this country, except by the UKIP lot. I’ve just seen a photo of Farage and his ‘Brexit Badboys’ over there for the inauguration. From the Tories winning the 2015 election, to Brexit to this, the cunts of the world have never been in such power before. I’ll just leave this here so when they are rounding up the enemies of the people they can shoot me in the head nice and quick, get it over with.