This is my Journey of finding my way through grief. Of trying to find myself after losing 3 children in 8 months. Of finding a new normal life.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Regrets

I have regrets over some parts of my life, like not going back to school after Maddie was born. I felt the need to work and provide for her instead. I wish I had realized that school would have helped both of us. I regret not taking a stern stand when I knew I was in labor with Aden 8 weeks early but the dumb on call told me to take a chill pill.

I regret not starting out home schooling my children. They love their schools and I wouldn't take them out now. Even Haleigh who is now in kindergarten is attached to her school and her wonderful teacher. I still wish I would have home schooled them.

There are very few things I would do differently with my Angels. There are some pictures I have of the girls that I don't have of Joshua that I wish I would have taken. And with the girls I think it's more I felt and still feel incomplete. Almost like their time was not meant to be up. I know God doesn't make mistakes though so I know it was their im time.

I would never change having them though. Even though the past 2 years ( I found out 2 years ago that I was pregnant with Joshua) have been a nightmare I would still chose to be their mother.

I do wish I would not have been in such a deep grief these past 2 years. It's almost like I wasn't even here. And some days it's still that way. I can't remember a lot if things that happened, I wish I could redo the past 2 years with out the pain.

My Haleigh started school. Today was her 4th day. She's all smiles and giggles about it. And that's wonderful. I wish I would have been able to teach her more last year. I wish I could remember her last year at home with me full time. But I don't. All I remember is pain.

About Me

I am a mom of 8 children. 5 on earth and 3 in Heaven I have 2 active blogs here one about my daughter Haleigh and everything we have been through with her and one about my Angel babies Joshua, Faith, and Hope.