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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

And They Call It Patience

Normally, I would consider myself a fairly patient person. Normally, I do not mind waiting. I know that things will happen when they are supposed to happen, and anxiously waiting is not going to help anything. However, recently I have developed a problem... Patience. It seems that mine is lacking as of late, and it also seems to me that life is requiring me to be patient quite a lot lately. The worst part... it is not stuff that is easy to patiently wait for.

I have no problem being patient for simple things like waiting all week for the weekend to FINALLY arrive, or going on a much needed vacation or something super simple like waiting until the cookies are out of the oven . I wait through simple things with a calm, cool head. However, patiently waiting for the big things lately has seemed like torture! (I know this is probably an over exaggeration, but its how it feels for me)

You see my husband and I would love to get pregnant, and we have been trying for what feels like forever! On the realistic side it has only been like 5 months, but when everywhere I look I see happy pregnant women, and other couples who have just had a baby it gets really hard to wait. Part of the time I am very patient. I patiently wait every month for the OPK to turn positive, and then I patiently wait the for the next 2 weeks hoping and praying that Aunt Flo will not come and that I'll get those 2 blue lines. However, month after month (for the last 5 anyways) they crazy lady arrives leaving me feeling disappointed. That is where patience is hard and feels torturous. Don't get me wrong. I know there are couples out there who try for years and my heart goes out to them. I know that if any of those women read this post they might think "5 months that is nothing. I have been waiting for years!". I get that in the big picture of things 5 months is not all that long, but when you finally get to the point and decided to have a baby you want one now! haha Not to mention, at what point does 5 months of waiting turn into 2 years? This is just one of the things that I am not very patient with lately.

The second thing that has been messing with my patience I am active duty military. Which is great, except for I was diagnosed with moderate-severe asthma last year and have been undergoing a Medical Evaluation Bord Review (MEB) process since June of last year, and unfortunately the whole process takes forever. My board should be back soon, but it has been such a long year waiting for this decision. Especially since I can not continue planning for my life until the decision comes back.

I am sure if I thought more about it I could come up with at least half a dozen other examples of my lack of patience, but I know not digging up things that are sure to bother me, things that I can not speed up or control is the way to go. After all if my lack of patience is not driving me crazy with something it probably means I am being patient in that particular area. I know I'm not alone in this. EVERYONE struggles with patience at sometime or another. It is after all a virtue, and unfortunately easy things do not get that label.

3 comments:

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. :( I think the whole "it could be worse" thing is great for the little stuff, But when it's something so near and dear to your heart as a baby, I don't think it ever makes it easier.

Oh man, I hear ya on this one. My husband and I have also been trying for 5 months. The first couple months that TOM (Time Of Month) showed up I cried. Now I just get upset, just throw my hands in the air and say "big surprise, I'm NOT pregnant." This month we decided to take a break from trying. No tracking my tempature, no ovulation tests. Just focus on eating healthy and exercise and enjoying life. Hang in there!! It'll happen for both of us!

Thanks Bethany... I dont think anything would make it easier, and VW Girl your doing better then me. I said last month that I wasn't going to buy anymore tests and then this month said "well, what will one more month hurt" haha I know it will happen eventually it just hasn't happened yet.