Not the way I wanted to come out.

29 May, 2009 - 2:27am — Lyexsah

My mom knows, sure. She's fine with it, talks about it every now and then, but doesn't bring it up often. I think she knows I won't grow out of it, and really, I was more distraught about it than she was when she found out, I was only 11 at the time. :/

She doesn't talk about it much, except every now and then, like at the beginning of the year when I began to do my hair more often and wore better clothes and stuff. She was like, 'What's up with you? Is there a boy you like?'

"No."

'Is there a girl?'

It makes me really uncomfortable when she talks about it, actually. I know how judgemental people can be towards people who are LGBT, and I just don't want her to think any less of me.

But I know she doesn't. I think I saw an example of the fact that she sees me just the same today.

Though I wish I hadn't. :/

Dinner table conversation. You see, I live on the same land as some of my family. Right now, me, my aunt, two cousins, my mom my brother and my stepdad are living in one house, and my grandma, two uncles and my great grandma are living in the other.

We take advantage of our company, and have dinner together rather often. Today was no exception. Unfortunately. Someone said something about gay people protesting something or other, sorry I don't really keep up with the news on that stuff, though I really should. Been kind of preoccupied with school mostly, lately.

Anyhow, to put things simply, the table launched into a moral debate because my uncle decided to put his two cents in, deciding to let everyone at the table know that he thought being gay was wrong and blah blah blah, claiming he's 'only met two people in my entire life that were gay that I ever liked'.

Fuck you.

Apparently he thinks we're all filthy horrible people and some bullshit to that effect.

Well! Mom decides to say, 'Do you think Ashley is a good person?'

Oh god no...

'Yeah, why?'

'Did you know SHE is gay?'

I could've cried. Sure, SHE knew, but she and my stepdad were about the only two people out of the ELEVEN other people there.

I REALLY didn't want her to go there, because I'm REALLY uncomfortable with telling my family that yet, I'm just not ready for them to know.

Now they all know, and on top of that, my uncle decided to continue gay-bashing until my grandma got angry and told him to shut his ugly mouth, and I left the table.

that sounds like a really unpleasant experience. I would have been soo mad at my mom if I were you, but it sounds like you handled it pretty well. sorry about your uncle! I know what it's like to have homophobs in the family, almost all of mine are from Arkansas and if it were up to them we'd be thrown in prison and there would still be slavery. At least you know your mom is willing to stand up for you.

ouch.
both about what your uncle said & what your mother said.
maybe telling her something like, "mom, it's my decision who i come out to... and i don't think you have the right to decide for me on this."
will tell her that you weren't exactly ready for the family to know.
but other than that, your mom sounds pretty awesome for being that understanding. and your gram for telling your uncle to shut up.

Yeah, I'm not even gonna tell anyone on my dad's side besides my dad. No reason to go there. Only connection I have with them is that aunt is art teacher, grandma cooks awesomely, and I declare my deceased great grandma my valentine each year being that she died on valentines day last year. So, um, yah.
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-Ring Ring
-He, Helloo? - Charlie the Unicorn 3

my sister decided to open up to my mom about it last year, and my mom still thinks that its just a phase shes going through. sometimes parents cant accept the truth. i understand how you feel completely.

I know how that feels! my mom and Dad are starting to get there... I'm just scared to tell my other relatives...

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"You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? Well, look around. I'm nothing without you. And while most high school friendships fade, it's my hope that what happened today will bond you

Maybe you should call your mom out for outing you, though, even if she did think she was just standing up for you... it is something you should be able to do on your own terms, and she might do it again otherwise. I'm glad your mom and cousin and stepdad are on your side though!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. --Anais Nin

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