True crime stories from my past and present about child abuse, My Psycho Stalker who almost killed me and other insane things in my life. Also my warped, skewed, sometimes humorous and downright honest opinions of life and the world as we know it. CAUTION: These posts contain adult language, situations and dialogue. I welcome comments, debates, discussion and different opinions. Open your mind and release the cobwebs!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

This stupid gown...it keeps opening on me even though I have a death grip on the damn thing. All right, any time now doc. Where did you go? How long have I been here anyway? I feel like I'm in a fog, my brain is jumbling my thoughts and I'm jumping from thought to thought like a flea on a hot, sandy beach. Nothing seems to make sense and everything hurts like I've had the shit beat out of me with a baseball bat of the wooden variety. Have I completely lost my mind and this is what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown? Oh crap, I have to get back to work. I know there's work piling up on my desk next door and I don't want my boss to freak out if I'm gone too long. Oh wait...he walked me over here, didn't he? I think he did. Good, then he knows where I am.

Oh good, here comes my doc. I've known him and his staff for years. Maybe I can get some straight answers as to what's going on with me so I can hurry up and get back to work. I actually love my job and my boss. He and his family have been so good to me. They know I have no family in the state, so they've kind of adopted me. They are all so sweet. What the hell? My doctor has an odd look on his face. He's still looking at my x-rays and I don't like that worried/concerned look on his face. Oh geez, this is not good.

I'm scared to death now. He appears to be stalling. He's consulting with his assistant now - I can see them both right outside my room. Unfortunately my vision is a bit blurry and I can't really read their lips right now. And I'm sitting at an angle on the table in the x-ray room because I can't turn my neck or sit like a human being. It just hurts way too much. Oh NO, why is Ann crying? Shit...am I dying? Uh oh...here they come. I don't feel so good right now.

"DOC, help me! She's going into shock", Ann screamed. And that's the last thing I remember them saying for quite awhile.

I woke up to my doc on one side of me and Ann on the other. They were holding me so I didn't fall off the table. "So do you want to tell me how this happened", asked my doc when I finally became a little coherent. "Ahhh, I don't know" I slurred. Shit, I can't tell them the truth! Yea if I tell them that Josh and I got into a fight and he grabbed me and picked me up by my neck, swung me around the room until I passed out and then forced me to have sex with him, I'd be in deep shit. If I tell them the truth, then by law the doc has to call the cops and report the beating. Then the cops may or may not go and arrest Josh at work. They would talk to him at any rate. Then Josh would know I told. Josh threatened me (like he did every time he hit me) and said he'd kill me if I dared to open my mouth and tell anyone what happened. He always told me "shut up or I'll finish the fucking job" or "go ahead and fight back. I'll kill your fucking animals too and leave them for you to find". I have a sneaking suspicion that he's been abusing my babies too, especially my new puppy. I'll be damned if I will give him an excuse to do it again.

You never know how fast your mind can spin until you have to fabricate something other than the truth in mere seconds. I think my befuddled brain was spinning (albeit lopsided) faster than an F5 tornado in Alabama. Ok, what can I tell them? Think...it must be logical, yet simple so I don't screw this up. My life depends on my fabrication. If I could only trust the cops to not fuck this up and actually protect me, I wouldn't have to lie. I could tell the truth and have this asshole arrested and out of my life NOW. But since many cops and judges have let me down over the course of my entire life, I don't trust any of them. Maybe someday I will elaborate on those factions of my life as well. But for now, my immediate goal at this moment is self-preservation. Until I can plot Josh's death for doing this to me yet again.

Blog Archive

About Me

I'm a very well-rounded person (NO not my shape!). I have both education and real life experience (School of Hard Knocks & Street Smarts). I love to write and have been doing so since I was very young. I'm highly opinionated, speak the truth but don't mean to hurt anyone. I'm also an animal lover - have 7 of my own! People use the word "eccentric" to describe me.