In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.

Disclaimer: I don't own it ok?! Why must you make me repeat myself?!?!

AN: Right...so....NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM. I get hit with these ideas and they really get away from me. Oh well. The fic is rated for cursing (lots) and eventual slashiness. Don't read if you don't like! Reviews are love!!

It's one of those nights where all you want to do is get drunk off your ass. One of those nights were you actually CAN without there being terrible consequences, like a missed paper worth half your grade or forgetting that you promised your father you'd have lunch with him the following day.

Arthur Pendragon had many of these near misses since he met Merlin Emrys, barely two months ago. He had really been a terrible influence on Arthur. Not that he had be at all innocent before they met, but Arthur was pretty sure that he never would have snogged the bloody fuck out of another bloke before Merlin had crashed into his life. It had only happened once and they were both drunk beyond all reason and being the manly men that they are, they never speak of it.

"Let's get smashed." Arthur said as Merlin came into their dorm room laden down with numerous paint brushes, paint tubes, paint remover, and every other type of painting thing known to man. Figures he, the footballer, would be roomed with an artist.

"Why?" Merlin asked.

That was one thing that annoyed Arthur about his roomie. He always questioned his ideas. "Cause there's nothing better to do, that's why." Was his logical answer.

"Riiiight. Because last time we drank it went over so well." Merlin muttered dryly as he absentmindedly scratched at a paint blot on his arm.

Another quirk that irked him. He always had paint somewhere on his body.

"Come on Merlin." He drawled. "Don't be a wanker." He said, ignoring Merlin's reference to their drunken snog. They weren't supposed to talk about it after all.

"Don't you have lunch with the Nazi tomorrow?" Merlin asked as he flung himself on his bed.

"You never just want to get drunk, Arthur. Especially not here in this piss small dorm room. So you might as well tell me now why you want to consume your weight in alcohol , before you do it while we're too drunk to remember."

"So there will be drinking then?"

"Yes, you useless sod, I'll get drunk with you, but only if you tell me the reason why."

"Christ, Emrys. You're such a fucking girl." He muttered. "It's…Sophie." He said finally.

"Ah the Queen Bitch herself." Merlin said.

"You know it's getting very hard to ignore the names you call the people I know.

"Well, know better people and I won't have to do that now will I?" Merlin answered, cheekily. 'What did she do this time? Max out her dad's credit cards? Get pissed and give a professor a lap dance? Get someone kicked out of Uni just because they told her, her outfit was shit? Eat a baby?"

Arthur couldn't help but laugh at the last one and tried very hard to ignore the fact that the rest had actually happened.

"She's been cheating on me with Valiant for three months." He finally said.

"Shit." Merlin said, sitting up. "Shit."

"Yeah. That's the general consensus."

"Jesus Christ. Mate, I'm sorry." Merlin told him.

"Me too." Arthur mumbled.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Merlin got off his bed and rummaged around in their mini-fridge for the store of alcohol they kept hidden in there.

"Here." He said, sitting on Arthur's bed and handing him a shot glass. "This calls for Vodka shots."

Arthur chuckled. "Why's that?"

"In memory of the time Queen Bitch got so sick off it she had to get her stomach pumped. God, it was three blissful days she was out of commission." He said dreamily as he poured himself and Arthur a shot each.

"To Queen Bitch." Merlin said raising his glass in a toast. "My she go colour blind, may all her shoes turn to dust and may her uterus shrivel up and die from the disease Valiant certainly passed along."

"I'll bloody drink to that." Arthur laughed as he clinked their glasses together.

"You know," Merlin said sometime, and numerous shots, later. "You technically cheated on her as well. Granted, you were trashed beyond belief…" He trailed off. "Where the hell to do you store it all anyway?" He demanded.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are skinnier than a lamp post, Merlin. And what do you mean I cheated on her? How the hell do you figure that?"

"Well, not really cheated on her per say. But I distinctly remember getting snogged at Owain's birthday party two weeks ago."

Arthur shook himself and tried to fight off the dreamy daze the alcohol was forcing upon him. 'Who the fuck says per say anymore?" He asked and he hit Merlin with a pillow.

"Piss off you bastard." He said laughingly, hitting Arthur back with a second pillow.

"And I distinctly remember that we said we'd never speak of the incident." Arthur reminded him, walloping him back.

Arthur couldn't help the back of laughter that erupted from him. "You are so fucking weird, Emrys." He told him.

The fight that ensued would go down in pillow thrashing history as an epic battle.

Arthur swung his pillow down as if he were wielding a bloody mace, bearing down on Merlin like a mad man, as Merlin blocked the attack with his own pillow, laughing and he drove his own weapon at Arthur's exposed side. Arthur grunted and fell back onto his bed as Merlin scrambled to take advantage of his exposed position, but Arthur was back up in a flash and practically full bodied tackled Merlin onto the bed.

"Oof!" Merlin groaned. "Get off me, you stupid prat!"

"Not until you yield!" Arthur said, hitting Merlin with a steady stream of attacks.

"Yield?" Merlin laughed as he elbowed Arthur in the stomach. "Who the fuck do you think you are? A knight?"

"God, your arms are bloody bony." Arthur complained before Merlin's pillow thwacked him in the face and he fell back once again and the boys then hastily moved to offensive positions.

They were both on their knees in front of each other now. Arthur's blankets and sheets were rumpled and twisted in their legs and their breathing was heavy as the faced one another.

"So, Sir Arthur." Merlin mocked. "Do you give up?"

"Not a chance. I won't lose to a twig with legs."

"Then to lose, your only option is." Merlin said, with a grin so huge and brilliant Arthur had a fleeting thought that it should be illegal, before they launched themselves at each other and the war resumed.

It was naturally Arthur who won. Years of football had done wonders for his strength and Merlin had ended up under him, red faced and breathless, as Arthur straddled him and asked once more,

"Do you yield, Emrys?"

"It seems, no choice but to yield, I have." Merlin said, dropping his pillow in defeat as Arthur whooped triumphantly.

Merlin crossed his arms pouting as he glared up at Arthur. "Prat."

"Don't be such a sore loser, Emrys." Arthur said shifting slightly on top of Merlin and the dark haired boy had to suppress a moan.

"Arthur," he hissed, grabbing the other man's hips. "Don't-"

But he was cut off by the door opening and Morgana of all bloody people walked in.

"Christ, Arthur, I just heard about Sophie and I-" But she stopped dead at the sight of the two boys in front of her and a slow, evil, grin graced her lips dangerously. "Well, you're obviously dealing with it well." She said in a knowing voice.

"Morgana what are you doing here?" Arthur demanded, still not moving off Merlin.

"Well, Arthur dearest, I came to see if my poor step-brother needed comforting in his time of need." She said in a sweet voice that chilled the room several degrees. "But I can see that you are in more than capable hands." Morgana winked at Merlin and he hid his face in the crook of his arm.

"Really, Morgana," Merlin started to say since Arthur was too busy staring at Merlin in a very horrifically calculating way. "It's not what it looks like."

"Of course it isn't" She said in a placating tone that wasn't to be believed. "I'll just leave you both to it, then." Morgana smiled as she swept towards the door. "And can I just say, it's about damn time, you two."

Then she was gone and Merlin and Arthur were left staring at each other.

Arthur huffed and sat up, arms crossed. "Of course I am. Revenge must be taken, Merlin. And what better way, than for the bitch to think I left her for another man?"

"You left her because she's a cheating skank who can't keep her legs closed for anyone."

Arthur snorted. "Well, yes, there is that. But if she thinks that I going out with a bloke after dating her?" He gave a shout of laughter. "It's absolutely flawless."

"Yeah, except for the part where we pretend to date." Merlin said.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, first off no one will believe it." Merlin pointed out.

"'Course they will. Morgana thinks she just walked in on us about to shag. Do you think she'll keep that quiet?"

Merlin winced. Arthur had him there.

But there was no way Merlin could agree to this. It was madness. His small crush on Arthur would expand exponentially if he went through with this.

"Look, isn't there a girl you can force into this? What about Gwen I'm sure-"

"Lance would cut my balls off if I went near her. And besides, I don't want to do this with some stroppy girl. She'd get all attached and shit."

"You are so fucking full of yourself, Pendragon." Merlin snapped, trying to push Arthur him but Arthur just tightened his thighs in a vice like grip. "Christ, Arthur." Merlin groaned. "You really have to get the hell off-"

"Come on, Merlin." Arthur said resorting to his puppy dog stare. "Please. I'll be your best friend until the end of time!"

Merlin snorted , though his resolve wavering.

"And Sophie will hate you for even longer than that."

"Do you think?" Merlin asked.

"Oh yes." Arthur said leaning down close again. "She'll probably never speak to you for the rest of your life." He murmured in into Merlin's ear. "Never. Ever. Again."

"Oh God, I'll do it. I'll fucking do it then." Merlin said.

"Great!" Arthur said brightly, jumping off him with a knowing smirk at Merlin's incoherent state. "All right there, Merlin? Need me to help you with anything?"

Merlin hastily got off the bed before he could be tempted to take Arthur up on his offer.

"Wait…"Merlin said as Arthur fixed his sheets. "There's something you need to know first."

"What's that?" Arthur asked rearranging his pillows.

"Ah…er…I'm…"

"Well spit it out, Merlin." Arthur said turning to face his stuttering friend.

Merlin sighed, suddenly tired again. "I…I just really think this is a bad idea for us to do."

"Why?" Arthur said, perplexed. "Christ, Merlin, it's not like we actually have to do anything. All though," he smirked evilly. "Judging by your reaction a few minutes ago, you shouldn't have a problem pretending to be attracted to me."

"Fuck off." Merlin muttered.

"So are you going to tell why it's such a bad idea, or what?" Arthur demanded.

"Yes," Arthur said rolling his eyes. "Which makes our story more probable." He said, his gaze suddenly smouldering as he moved closer to Merlin. "I'm curious and attracted to you. You've had a crush on me and in one passion ridden night, we made sweet love and have been together ever since."

Merlin couldn't help but laugh and Arthur grinned. "Leave out the night of wild, crazy sex and I think we're good."

"So you're ok with this?" Arthur asked. "You'll help me get back at her?"

"Yes, yes, I'll do whatever you want-and get that dirty look off your face, Emrys." Arthur said, but he was smiling as he said it.

"Yes, dear." Merlin said with a smirk.

"See!" Arthur said. "You've fallen into your role all ready!" Arthur said, moving past him to reach him wardrobe, but not before smacking Merlin's arse and Merlin yelped in shock and glared at him. "This'll be easy." Arthur said, not doubting himself in the least.

Famous last words. Merlin thought.

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