YOU AT YOUR BEST. Miss Manners.

Take Your Seat Or Stay Home

Dear Miss Manners-Over the years I have hosted many dinner parties and occasionally have been confronted by a couple who resented the fact that I did not seat them next to each other.

I recently had the limits of my social conscience tested.

At a birthday party for 60 people, I was confronted by three couples-and heard two others-who complained about not being seated together. I refused to change the seating.

Gentle Reader-You are correct that married couples never should be seated together at dinner parties. Separating them gives each a chance to tell shared stories without fear of contradiction. Those who wish to spend the evening talking with each other are advised to enjoy conjugal harmony at their very own dinner table.

But when many marriages are of little more duration than dinner parties, there are those who try to seize every moment. Your guests are doing so rudely, attempting to take your seating arrangement into their own hands.

It is another problem of our times that those unused to private entertaining confuse it with excursions to restaurants and believe they can spend the evening without having to be sociable to anyone else present.

Dear Miss Manners-I keep getting calls from brokers and other sales associates trying to sell hot stocks, limited partnerships and various other investments. I try to end these politely but lately have found myself just hanging up, especially when unable to squeeze in a "Not interested" comment. Is it rude to hang up the phone in such circumstances?

Gentle Reader-Miss Manners is obliged to tell you that yes, it is rude to hang up on a human being without offering any explanation. But you will find her considerably more lenient if we discuss those circumstances.

By your own account, you have tried explaining that you are not interested but were unable to "squeeze in" your statement. Try again. Start with a quick "Excuse me!" in the hope that the caller will pause to hear your statement, which, after all, kindly saves that person from wasting time.

If there is no reaction to your interjection, Miss Manners gives you full permission to conclude that what you have there is not, after all, a human being, capable of listening, but an automated device that can neither respond to others nor harbor hurt feelings if halted. So hang up.