Crap Birthday Vent

It was my 45th birthday about 3 weeks ago. FI and I are in a LDR, he was with me for it (couple of days before, day after)

The day itself was pretty rubbish, to be honest. FI is a very untidy person, and my flat was a mess. I spent the whole day doing housework. FI had ordered some flowers, they didn’t arrive until nearly 5pm (he’d forgotten to request a timeslot for delivery)

Sadly, FI was really ripped off with the flowers. It was a mixed bouquet, and one flower that was supposed to be part of it was missing entirely. Some of the other flowers looked pretty tired. He could have got a fresher almost identical bouquet for half the price in the city centre – about a mile away.

We had an early dinner at a place we go to often. When we got back, I got news from my landlord that was particularly upsetting. Just bad timing, but the rest of the evening I spent in lots of tears.

Today is FMIL’s birthday. Her and FI are spending the day out, doing all sorts of nice things that I would love to do. It isn’t a landmark birthday…

And I’m pretty upset. I spent my birthday stuck in my flat as usual, doing housework…as usual. FI knows that I get pretty fed up and depressed at the amount of time I spend stuck in my flat, and that it really doesn’t help with my bipolar.

FMIL gets a big fuss made out of her on her birthday. She gets to have a nice day out with FI. I got to do housework all day on my birthday.

I know I probably sound like a big baby, but I’m pretty pissed off and upset right now. My parents never made a fuss out of birthdays, I never had a party etc. I’ve made it pretty clear to FI that I don’t expect to be treated like precious princess, but I would like the day to feel a bit special. As I haven’t started my new job yet, I had no money to be able to plan anything myself.

Awww. It’s okay to vent and be a baby sometimes. I would be bummed, too. I am a homebody, but I also get depressed if I am stuck indoors for too long. Remember that he did order you flowers and did take you out to dinner – he tried!

As for FMIL – hmm. Is it possible that she came up with all the plans and your FI is going along with what she wants?

Take yourself out to dinner, and tell the waiter that it’s your birthday. They won’t check. It’s CLOSE to your birthday, right? Your fiance kind of sucks for not taking you out that night…an early dinner isn’t celebratory!!!!

The chances for something to go wrong on a birthday are pretty high because people tend to celebrate only on the actual day.

What I suggest to remedy this is to celebrate for about week. Not to plan lots of things on every single day, but to celebrate for more days so that if something unpleasant happens, the whole occasion doesn’t go down the drain. It also gives your fiancée and loved ones more time to do things. Maybe for your next birthday you could see if you and your fiancée could celebrate your day the way he celebrates his mom’s birthday or his family members’ birthdays. Not the exact same way, just in the “spending all day out” and “doing all sorts of nice things” way.

I’m sorry things didn’t go well. Maybe you’ll be able to do something fun in the next few weeks that will make up for it.

@Baal: I think that’s a good idea for next year. The reason I asked about your FMIL making all the plans is because it sounds a bit like my SO. He is not one for grand, romantic gestures. He’ll do little sweet things in his own way, but if I want a specific gift or to go out to a specific place, I have to tell him exactly what I want. Otherwise, we would end up spending the day indoors as well!

The fact that he’s been posting on Facebook all day about the stuff him and FMIL are doing is what has got me wound up. Especially as her birthday celebrations seem to have started on Saturday, and her actual birthday is today!

Rhopalocera, it’s funny that you suggest that, as a couple of days before my birthday I mentioned that I wanted to do something the day before…and FI said ‘but your birthday isn’t until *next day*’ So I don’t think he’d go along with celebrating for a week…

I don’t have any family here, so I think that also makes it harder. We’d also originally planned to have a party on the Saturday, but ended up having to cancel as all but one of the guests who had RSVPed ‘yes’ ended up cancelling in the days beforehand…mainly because they had had better offers!

@Baal: I hear ya! When I was with my ex, every year I thought he had something planned, since he didn’t do anything the year before. Nope! I always had to plan by own birthday and Valentina’s. Even pay for it most times. Like you, I don’t need a grand royal day, just a nice dinner, maybe a day trip, romantic planned day. And for his birthday or his family, he would go all out and plan those days.

In our 8 yrs together, he bought me flowers twice. While, technically once. The first time, last minute, he cut some roses from a neighbors yard for valentine’s day. And that’s just because I told him that morning to at least bring me flowers. This was at the end of the night, which he still forgot during the day.

@Baal: Oh, ok. I see why you’re upset about the FMIL’s birthday plans. He may not do that kind of celebration for anyone but his mom or parents; that’s just how some people are. Hopefully he’ll take more of an interest in your birthday and do fun things with you and plan some things for you, though.

PeachAcid is right. Take yourself out for some belated birthday fun. The only person you need to celebrate your birthday is you!

I had to bake my own birthday cake, wasn’t wished by my in-laws. My dh didn’t buy me a card, basically after I told my mom I wanted to buy myself some baking stuff he gave me some more money to buy stuff as well but he did take me to buy it and he took me to a nice place for lunch. Dh doesn’t do flowers either…. But I can tell you now that what I loved was that he cared, he wished me and spent time with me. My parents are 12 hours away so I couldn’t see them. By the way, my in-laws went all out for dh birthday.

So as much as it sucks try not to focus on your FMIL’s day. Focus on the fact that you got to see him and that he tried. He sounds a bit like my dh is that gifting is not his best skill.