Wednesday, December 23, 2009

As my flight made a sudden lift and barely avoided ramming into another plane on the runway while landing today, I got a bit jittery. This propensity of near misses, each bearing an eerie similarity to something out of an upcoming Final Destination sequence, is getting a tad painful. To be blunt, I am not enjoying almost getting killed anymore. So as the proverbial flashing past of life happened during those vital minutes when it seemed that all was lost, I got thinking. While I grudgingly admit that the overpowering thought was about what would happen to all the money people owed me in case I kicked the bucket, I also looked back on 2009. And they were not what one would call, pleasant thoughts.

What a disappointing year this has been. Nothing impressive achieved, not even thought about or even attempted. Its just been one expensive over-rated dinner after another, irreverent staring at walls, lifting weights and dropping them, comparing different newspapers, strategizing daily beverage intake, making excuses, mocking, evil financial plotting, waiting for downloads to happen and standing in long lines. I paid a heavy price for hubris, messed up great opportunities and whined uncontrollably. I have sunk to such lows that I have begun to like green tea and Orkut. The last straw was when I felt like watching Friends again.

What a bad year. Anyway, lessons have been learnt. Or so I hope. I will go back to doing what I do best and leave mature things to mature people. 2010, be kind to me.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I am back. A long hiatus, I admit. Many things have happened since my last discourse on placements. I visited a steel plant, pulled off unbelievable capers, failed at my most ambitious effort, swam, caught a Maoist, worshipped Larry David, defended my thesis against evil, took crucial signatures, made stupid promises, kept stupid promises, bragged, showed bite marks, lost weight, gained weight, fought, made up, made out, simulated Sach Ka Samna, feel ill at the worst possible night, met Bangalore, liked Bangalore, took up plumbing, rugby, archery and of course broke the forty second barrier. So yes, lots of things have changed. But some things remain the same. Obama still holds promise, Stewart still rocks and vegetarians still need to be guillotined.

The motivation to write again was lurking somewhere behind the nearest KFC when an email hastened my return to the blogosphere. This post is just a representation of a GTalk chat between two IITM alumni. The context has been explained by the victim in his own words. It is an exact lift and there have been no omissions or modifications. Of course all proper nouns have been changed to protect identity.

Main Characters:Victim: HamburgerPredator: Old_Monk

Hamburger’s opening monologue.

Prior to reading the following conversation, you need to know this conversation history. Basically the legendary Old Monk buzzed me, asking if I could provide contacts of companies for him to intern at. He asked about firms like Link Equality etc. So I told him that I know this guy BS who interned there. I told Old_Monk that I'll find out from BS and get back to him. The following conversation is what happened thereafter. Enjoy!

Hamburger: hey BS just mailed me. Asked me to give u this email id:Blahblah@yahoo.com. The guy's name is Blahblah and he's an analyst at Link equality

Old_Monk: ok, nice that you informed him prior. I shall refer you as Hamburger, right?

Old_Monk: Ok. That is far fetched. I shall tell what I understood. Bhawani alias BS interned in link equality after third year. But you don’t know him directly. But you know Bhawani Shankar who knows BS. Am i right?

Hamburger: Bhawani shankar is Bhawani is BS!

Old_Monk: So you know him directly, he only contacted you just now, right?

Hamburger: Yup. I know Bhawani Shankar, he was my wingmate, and he interned at Link Equality

Old_Monk: So when mailing him , I can refer your name, right?

Hamburger: My god!!!! Refer to Bhawani Shankar!!!!

Old_Monk: I shall call you I guess. Too confusing. Else you tell full story over here. I shall remain silent.

Hamburger: U got the mail id from Bhawani Shankar, and Bhawani Shankar interned at Link Equality! How difficult is that!

Old_Monk: If I mail to Bhawani Shankar, what should I tell him on wherei got his ID from? But who is Blahblah?

Hamburger: U genius!!!! how will u mail Bhawani Shankar???? I never gave u his email id!

Old_Monk: ok, who is this Blahblah?

Hamburger: Dude!!!! He is the guy working at Link Equality man!!! Wake up!

Old_Monk: ok. I underwear**. What is Bhawani doing? I need not mail my resume, right, just a formal mail asking whether they are interested. Right?

Hamburger: That is upto u. I have no clue. See I know nothing abt Link Equality and all.....*The End*

** Why Old_Monk said underwear remains a point of intense debate among international GTalk specialists. Some say he meant understand while another school of thought feels he meant underwear. But they all agree that it doesn’t matter.

About Me.

I am an avid procrastinator and work for evil corporations in my free time. Have always championed the cause of the average and want to root out brilliance wherever I see it. I am a virtual distance running champion and play real-life counter strike pretty well. My ambitions include making spinach popular, teaching Chinese, buying real estate in the Helmand province, direct a movie about N D Tiwari, perform a lobotomy on Glen Beck, have an IIT named after me, invent a cuisine and strike oil in Bangalore. I have almost accomplished most of the above.