SAILING INTO ETERNAL FAME

The year is 2000 and the famed freighter Mercedes I still rests comfortably in its underwater grave off Fort Lauderdale. Out of sight, but not, as they say, out of mind.

Oh, heavens no. Not out of mind.

It has been more than 15 years since the Thanksgiving storm of 1984 tossed a Venezuelan rust-bucket into the back yard of Palm Beach socialite Millie Wilmot but the wonder and excitement of it lives on and on. And on. And on.

I mean, we're talking wonder and excitement on a long-term basis because, when you think about it, there just isn't that much that happens in Palm Beach, barring the odd divorce with various sensational revelations, and the beaching of the old Mercedes I was just what the doctor ordered.

Yes, according to our announcer, it's still there, folks, and the fish are still swimming in and out:

"Here's an underwater film of the Mercedes I lying there, folks, shot just this morning by our intrepid underwater camera crew. See the fish swimming in and out? Well, Mollie Wilmot, Palm Beach socialite, there's the Mercedes I, still, um, lying there."

"Yes, there it is, Warren. It's hard to believe it's gone from my seawall where it stayed for almost four months, defying all efforts to pull it back out to sea, what with the winds and tides and whatnot. Sometimes I still get up in the morning, put on my big sunglasses and go out to take a look at it, planning to pose for maybe a photo or two. And it's gone. What a strange feeling that is."

"Like losing an old friend . . ."

"Oh, much more than a friend, Warren. I mean, your average socialite doesn't get famous that often and I'll bet I've had my picture in the newspaper about a million times by now, not to mention having my own reserved parking places at all the television stations for our nightly updates, and so on."

"Thank you, Mollie Wilmot, Palm Beach socialite, we'll check with you tomorrow, and now to our crew on the beach in Fort Lauderdale."

"Hi, Warren, we're here on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. And out there is the Mercedes I, still lying on the bottom of the ocean with fish swimming in and out. You can't see it from here, of course. You'd need an underwater camera crew for that. But the tourists on the beach just sort of aim their cameras off-shore and . . ."

"Thank you, crew. Meanwhile, the governor's office issued another statement today saying that absolutely no tax money was used to remove Mercedes I from the beach or turn it into a reef, even though that rumor persists like crazy, and now to our crew outside the posh home of Mollie Wilmot, Palm Beach socialite."

"Hi, Warren, we're here outside the posh home of Mollie Wilmot, Palm Beach socialite, where police are ticketing cars of tourists who are trying to see the absence of the Mercedes I which spent almost four months up against the seawall here in this posh neighborhood, defying all efforts to pull it back into the sea, what with the winds and tides and whatnot . . ."

"Thank you, crew. And here's tonight's film of the day they blasted the Mercedes I to the bottom of the ocean off Fort Lauderdale while thousands watched, including Mollie Wilmot, Palm Beach socialite, who wore her big sunglasses and looked out the window of the Goodyear blimp . . . OK, tune in tomorrow when our Mercedes I segment will include a little, tiny scale model Mercedes I and a little, tiny scale model of the seawall . . ."