I couldn’t sleep

Anousheh

12 years ago

… until I got this off my chest…

I have not been writing the blog about the last part of my journey, because I got distracted by reading all the comments posted… I was only receiving a few encouraging ones through email in orbit but was not able to see them all.

When I started reading them, I would go from being happy, being proud, and crying to being sad, being somewhat disappointed and sometimes hurt… It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and it has been draining…

Those who know me tell me I wear my emotions on my face. I don’t know how to pretend and, as some of you could tell from my writing, I speak from the heart…

When I decided to share my experience, to be honest with you, I never expected the type of attention that it has received. I’m not a professional writer and I have a limited vocabulary, but I figured I’ll do my best…

I always thought I would describe my daily activities and experiences as best I could and hoped that people would understand and could feel my writings. When I started writing, a lot of emotions got mixed with factual data and came out in the form of the entries that you read…

I was NOT and am NOT after fame… Before doing this I have been on the cover of magazines, and I have been publicized in US and Iran, to some degree. I have never changed with wealth or fame and have always tried to stay true to myself. I don’t enjoy extra attention and feel awkward when I receive compliments… for whatever reason, which is still unknown to me!

This blog has become somewhat popular and has become a source of joy and encouragement for many… My intention was to use my story as an inspiration, but I always thought it would be through the newspapers, speaking engagements in schools and universities, and perhaps a book that I would ask someone to write. I just didn’t know what to expect from the blog…

Well the blog is very successful and with success comes judgment and scrutiny. I think this is all good. I believe people are entitled to their opinion and I do listen and try to see their point of view. I do have one downfall though… I cannot stand having anyone angry at me. It just bothers me inside… I know I cannot make everyone happy… but this has never stopped me from trying.

I have written answers to the criticisms and erased them knowing that I would not change their mind… and may only create more bitterness. I got encouraged by reading some of your responses to the negative comments and told myself “see she/he gets it,” “my point exactly,” etc. etc. etc.

I have tried to explain my philosophy in “Price of a Dream.” Some may agree with that philosophy and some may not. At the end of the day we are all entitled to believe in whatever we want… and as someone who preaches Understanding, I certainly will practice it.

All this said it bring me to the reason I’m writing this entry… I will not engage in a one-to-one dialogue to try to convince you to see it my way. I have always believed that what counts at the end of the day is results. I’m not doing this to gain popularity and approval. I’m doing it because I believe there is a great positive movement that is resulting from it. Only the future will tell if I was right…

I will continue my blog for now until I get too drained by the negativity to write…
Thank you to those who have been encouraging me, and to those whom I disappointed, I hope your action will make up for your disappointment in me…