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My husband thought our new family doctor was doing a great job relating to him when he offered up his own experience: “I took Ritalin," the doctor admitted.

Eagerly, Mark asked, “So you have ADHD, too?”

His doctor's response shocked him: “No, I just tried it, you know, in college.”

The doctor tried to laugh it off and cover his limited knowledge of ADHD by asking my husband how long he'd had the disorder. He looked shocked when Mark told him he’d had it all his life.

He wasn’t the first doctor we visited who clearly didn’t know enough about ADHD to treat the condition, so he ended up joining the ranks of many before him who should never treat ADHD. He was in good company with the pediatrician who constantly asked me what I thought we should do about dosing our five little ADHDers, and with the doctor who told one of my daughters, who is dyslexic, that reading before bed would help her relax.

Time and experience have made it clear that not all doctors are equal in their ability to treat such a complex condition. Finding the right one often takes patience and dedication on the part of parents and caregivers, but it's critical in helping ADHDers find success.

Here are the qualities I look for in a doctor who is treating someone in my family for ADHD:

1. The Doctor Knows and Treats ADHD

Obviously, I want a doctor who’s well-versed in ADHD to treat my ADHDer. In the past I’ve made the mistake of assuming that all doctors have a working knowledge of the disorder. Time and time again, I’ve come in contact with doctors, young and old, who have no real knowledge ADHD.

Most recently, I sat in shock as a doctor expressed his surprise that my daughter had both ADHD and anxiety/depression. After all, he said, “Hyperactivity makes you happy, doesn’t it?” Stunned, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I tried to explain that anxiety and depression are among the most common conditions that co-occur with ADHD.

2. The Doctor Keeps Up With Continuing Education

Doctors, scientists, and researchers are learning more about the brain all the time. Having a doctor who is up on new developments is important to me. Of course, I’m a demanding patient, and I want a doctor who can look at all that information and judge it fairly before passing it on.

I suppose that’s one reason I love our family psychiatrist, whose philosophy is: "You never want to be the first person using a new drug, or that guy who's still using leeches when everyone’s on antibiotics.”

3. The Doctor Knows the Limits of Her Expertise

I want a doctor who’s willing to admit when she's hit her limits. I’d much rather hear my doctor say he’s not sure what to do next, and refer me out, than have him pretend he knows what he’s doing.

We had this experience with one of our sons. His reactions to medications made him very difficult to medicate. At first I was nervous about seeing another doctor, but in the end I was grateful for the knowledge and perspective the new doc brought to the table.

We’re on the front lines, we know our kids, and if we’re concerned enough to bring an issue to a doctor’s attention, it needs to be addressed — not dismissed. If you’re feeling like your doctor isn’t listening to you or your child, it’s time to find another doctor.

5. The Doctor Treats by Symptoms, Not Just Diagnosis

ADHD almost never stands alone. Many conditions can come into play: anxiety, depression, oppositional defiant disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette's, just to name a few. A good doctor is open to the changing needs of the patient. The doctor listens to patients, treating them based on what they’re experiencing, even if it's outside the original diagnosis. Our psychiatrist calls it "treating what’s in front of him."

6. The Doctor Shares Your Treatment Goals

I remember talking to a frustrated parent whose doctor refused to acknowledge her son’s ADHD diagnosis or treat him for it. After she beat her head against the wall for months, the doctor finally said to her, “I just don’t believe in ADHD.”

Her son was never going to get the care he needed from that doctor. A doctor interested only in diet and a holistic approach isn’t right for a family that wants to pursue medication and behavioral therapy. Likewise, a doctor only interested in medicating isn’t right for the family that wants to use a multifaceted approach to treatment. Finding a doctor who shares similar treatment goals is an important step in reaching those goals.

7. The Doctor Grows With Your Child

Little kids with ADHD become teenagers with ADHD, and eventually grow into adults with ADHD. During that process, so many changes take place. Related conditions that weren’t evident in early childhood can take center stage in adolescence. A good doctor can anticipate and adjust to those changing needs.

I look back on the journey with our oldest two children, who are both adults now. Without a good doctor who could handle those teen years and all the unexpected problems that came with them, I don’t know how we would’ve made it.

Last Updated:9/30/2015

Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health. See More

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