August 22, 2012

Gentlemen: this is Professor Gordon Gallup. Because of him, whenever your girlfriend is in a bad mood, you can say "maybe giving me a blowjob will make you feel better" and have science to back you up.

Gentlemen: we all owe State University of New York researcher Gordon Gallup a big-time “thank you” — albeit a decade late.

Websites like Gawker and the Daily Mail are “reporting” today that Gallup has successfully proven what many of us have been telling women since the beginning of time: giving blowjobs will make you happy. Subsequently, they also make men pretty happy, so it’s really a win-win.

Only problem is, Gallup proved this 10 years ago, and it’s been written about — at length — ever since.

Regardless, there’s no sense in not reiterating such a beneficial study — even if our fellow members of the Fourth Estate seem to think this is something new.

So here’s what Gallup found — again, 10 years ago:

According to science, the “mood-altering” qualities of semen can help fight depression in women because semen, it turns out, contains at least three anti-depressants.

Semen, you see, is made up of cortisol, estrone and melatonin, all of which have qualities that will put you in a good mood.

Gallup conducted the study at the University of Albany, where he’s a professor of psychology.

He compared the mental health to the sex lives of 293 women via-an anonymous survey, so the subjects could answer honestly without fear of coming across as slutty.

We sent Gallup an email asking if there’s anything he’d like to say to the millions of men who owe him a debt of gratitude. We haven’t heard back.

So there you have it, ladies — feelin’ down? Depressed? Maybe you just can’t get out of a funk? Well, forget the ice cream and shopping and just get yourself some dude juice.