Welcome, rubberneckers, to the egomaniacal, narcissistic, bipolar meltdown you have been promised would happen by the hate sites! (It’s too bad they aren’t on my payroll, because HOO, the pageviews) To tell you the truth, even I can’t wait to watch this train wreck happen because when my brain explodes all those Skittles in there are going to scatter everywhere. A RAINBOW!

(I know, another post that was supposed to be about my hair that has nothing to do with my hair. I can’t even keep my posts straight. Yet another sign that I’m losing my mind. Someone please step in and get me some help! I NEED BETTER HANDLERS.)

What should I do first? Shed my clothes and run nude through Temple Square? Maybe have an argument in public with an imaginary friend? While wearing a giant bird costume and waving a vibrator?

The level of my fame is so minuscule in comparison to actual celebrity, but that does not make it any less strange to read the words of strangers who are publicly delighting in my pain, strangers who are actively rooting for me to break down. I’ve known to avoid reading it, but then the amount of it became so abundant that it bubbled up and spilled over into my lap, and wow. There it was. I politely wiped it to the side, but then another wave hit. And in the middle of that next dump someone said that they were going to make an anonymous call to try and get my kids taken out of my custody.

I hate to disappoint some of you, but that meltdown isn’t going to happen. I’ve been seeing a therapist pretty regularly since Leta was born, and yesterday she told me that I didn’t need to come back, that the work she’s been trying to get me to do for eight years is done. In fact, I had a pretty big breakthrough about a month ago, so big that after I left she did a tap dance in her office. I asked her to recreate that moment so that I could take video of it and post it here, but she’s a lot like my mom and enjoys flipping me the bird.

At the core of the work that I have been doing is letting go of the fear of standing up for myself. That probably seems asinine because my writing can be abrasive and polarizing, and how can a woman with a mouth as dirty as mine have any trouble standing up for herself? Well, a lot of trouble, actually. Especially in person. And any time I’ve attempted to do so online I’m labeled a bully or a delicate flower or lectured on the reasons I should ignore it.

The fact is that I do ignore almost all of it. It’s a relentless stream that rolls through my email and across twitter and in and out of other websites. But this morning I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when I caught the edge of another wave, and I thought, what the hell am I afraid of?

And you know what? Not a goddamned thing. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. People will use the fact that I am saying this as proof that I’m having a meltdown, and those people can go fuck themselves, too. Because when my therapist reads this she is going to get up and do the moonwalk behind her desk.

Related:

Bravo, Heather. We stand up for you, too. At least I did on the SLTrib comments. You really are one of my heroes.

renata_armindo

I know there are many people who are extremely mean and think they are better than everyone else, blah, blah, blah. But I’m still shocked to hear that people actualy hope that you will have a breakdown. It makes me really sad to know that people hope and wait for that to happen.
And so, my hat is off to you for standing up for yourself, for ignoring these people and proving them wrong!
We are all here to root for you and support you in any way we can. You really inspire me, I hope that counts for something!

Heather too

Even though your therapist has released you, I hope you have considered the possibility that some extra meds may be necesssary to help you through the additional stress you’re under. My philosophy: better living through chemistry! (when necessary).

Obviously, we both know that meds can’t fix the problems, but they enable us to cope with them better.

I can’t believe people read your blog and then send you hate mail. You live your life on the blog for our “enjoyment”, and you’re entitled to say and feel whatever you want. Why don’t these people just stop reading you if it bugs them so much?

You keep doing what you’re doing, Heather. The majority of us are in your corner, rain and shine.

Missy.Void

Yeah! Fuck them! Fuck them right in the ear

kheliwud

***High 5****
Treat them like a dog would would: if you can’t eat it, or play with it, then pee on it!!! (The all-ages version)

Serious good vibes to you and yours!

nothemormon

I have followed your blog for a long time and admired the relationship between you and Jon. I was amazed two people could get along so well as to work together and do it from home! You have always been so giving in your forthright sharing of all you have been through and the way he was there with you. Having had a very long and difficult marriage/relationship I have to say I was envious. When your site/blogger status exploded it was amazing to follow. Heck I can’t decorate a bathroom wall so watching the rooms of the house come together..well, wow. I have also enjoyed Jon’s photography. And watching your girls grow up. So this makes me sad. But obviously we are not privy to all of your life and if this is what needs to happen then I will watch you be strong. You can do this, I have no doubt.

bardellisgirl

Good for you!

Syveril

You made me laugh out loud. Congratulations on “graduating” therapy.

fishsticked

Damn! I was all set to write an ignorant, passive aggressive comment that talked about you, your life, your hair, and your family in really cruel ways for no reason but. And this is a big BUT. I couldn’t because you’re so fucking confident now!

But seriously, what will those people do without being able to tear apart someone they don’t know? You realize how much your breakthrough is going to impact the assholes? It will be like the moment that Truman walks out of the dome and Ed Harris is panicking and the rest of the world has to find a new show to watch. You’re going to make those assholes change the channel!

EliBailey

YAY! This makes me very happy, to see you finally putting aside all politeness and telling the haters to fuck off, because that’s exactly what they need to hear. It’s absolutely ridiculous to treat other people the way they treat you just because you aren’t right in front of them in person. This is a good thing to stand up for and be angry about. Anger can be good; it kept me alive for two years during my separation/divorce, and it can be armor for you against the haters.

And your hair looks great!

abiku

As a wise man once said, “Fuck the fucking fucks.”

Like I said in Email, which you may or may not have read, I’m hoping the best for you and your family.

debramac

Rock On Sister Friend

Issa

I just kinda want to stand up and applaud. Truly. I think you’ve dealt really well considering. Also I stand by what I said on Twitter earlier…sometimes we have to stand up and say, enough is enough. Even if it doesn’t stop them, at least you stood up for yourself.

Randomly, I’ve helped take two children away from my cousin. However she still has custody of two others. Even though her husband is on the National Sex Offender registry. Even though they used to cook meth in their bathroom. Even though she could be on hoarders. It’s not easy to take kids away from horrible parents. Yeah…you’re good.

I hate that anyone would even fake threaten you with that. I also know that in reality a hater can talk a lot of smack, but they’re just a hater.

Lunashademom

Fuck yeah! Your hair looks great by the way. <3

jen.yaya

From one therapy success story to another, all I could think when I read this was “Hells Bells, FINALLY!!!” and “FUCK YEAH.”

People thinking they know enough of the intricacies of your marriage to make ANY statement on it… is hilarious.

kiss-my-kitty

I know it can be frustrating and difficult to avoid the temptation to give in to the haters by acknowledging them publically, but I swear you will be all the better for it if you can hold your tongue – on your blog at least. Haters will always hate, but you don’t have to play right into their hands by alluding to them – subtly, or in this case, not so subtly – on your blog. Giving them attention only adds fuel to the fire. But I’m sure you know all of this.

On an unrelated note, I wish you, Jon, and Leta and Marlo the best during this very stressful, heartbreaking time.

Pixierella

I usually look at it this way. Fuckem if they can’t take a joke. There’s always gonna be haters. You just have to nod and smile…and call them asshats under your breath as you walk on by. Good for you Heather, stay strong chica.

bambooska

Why isn’t this the final stage of your hair again?

I personally really am into long hair for women, but I can’t help making an exception for you. You look fabulous with short hair… too! I don’t get it!

PS: For every hater, fifteen lovers.

dischord

I’ve read your blog for years, but never commented. All I have to say is YOU GO GIRL!

ChrisB

People are really unbelievable. The haters might try getting a life and ending their misery.
Much love going your way!

Camels and Chocolate

OK, but can you maybe NOT ignore the nice comments, those of us who adore you, who feel your pain like it’s our own because we’ve grown to think of you as a close friend or family member, who are only sending you kind and happy, positive thoughts across the Interwebz? Because I guarantee you there are a whole lot more of “us” than there are “them,” as personally I have only ever met people who think the world of you as I do and have never encountered someone IRL who has a bad word to say about the mighty Heather Armstrong.

You rock, sister! Your writing brings so much joy and laughter to so many of us. Don’t forget that part! The haters are just a very tiny (jealous and insignificant) part of your empire, and they’re no doubt merely projecting their own insecurities and shortcomings onto you.

anne_cunningham

this was FANTASTIC! … i kind of want to say something nasty though, because you sort of alluded to the fact that you could “DELETE MY ASS” which would be cool because than i could fit into my skinny jeans! but i’m tooooooooooooooooo fucking stuck on the f-word right now, the FANTASTIC PART! … BTWway … ROCK.THE.FUCK.ON! OUT LOUD!

suzified

Go on, grrl. Totes gangsta. Can I say that? Because I did.

Tfer

I read your tweet in the morning and my face got a big grin on it.. now I read this and I am so happy for you that I even forgot my password, LMAO!!

Fuck them all, indeed!

BlindTrixie

If you were anywhere near me right now, I’d totally call you out for a chest bump and be all “That’s right BITCHES, Heather is BAD ASS!”

Screw the haters. I’m so sick of that holier than thou bullshit. Judge all you want but it doesn’t mean we have to bow down and take it. There is nothing wrong with being human and admitting that flaw, blemish, quirkiness, etc. is nothing less than beautiful if chosen to be seen that way. You are my kind of perfect… YOU ARE REAL!

michou83

HELL TO THE FUCK YES.

I came to the realization (after leaving therapy as we were at a standstill) that I have a very similar problem. I have no problem standing up for others or the rights of human beings in general… but when it comes to doing things that I need for myself, I freeze. I just want to climb under a rock and stay there forever.

I’m looking forward to seeing your recovery and how you can make your life better for yourself and your kids. :hugs:

Give ‘em hell, Heather. Give ‘em hell.

becaru

U r the coolest. <3 you, Heather.

Kathie M.

Amen, sister. You know what this post really needs to make it perfect? Jazz Hands.

arielsara

If you do that whole bird costume/vibrator thing I want pictures. Possibly video. Good for you, sweetheart.

Lauren3

YEAAHHHH BOOOOEEEEYYYYYY!

Now that’s a BONG.

Much love.

KarenN

Good for you – that is beyond awesome!

salvationamy

Nice! Really proud for you.

MaLo

That’s right, girl! Love it!

frozensnowgirl

Woohoo!! Graduating from therapy is a big effing deal, well done.

Screw the haters; if it weren’t for the warm, cozy, anonymous blanket that is the interwebs, they would have nothing to do all day, since they would never have the balls to say that shit to your face.

Come to Alaska and visit us up here! It’s so cold, you almost forget you have problems. Well, that’s not true, but we have lots of bars.

bradleytee

Comment 20 said: “You should make Dooce bookmarks so all the haters can use them in their journals that they write in about how life isn’t fair and everyone is so mean to them especially that one girl.”

I will gladly make you a bookmark, I mean mass produce them…for retail, that you can sell and make money off of…a Dooce bookmark that is just a big middle finger. That would be awesome and so totally useful…even for those of us who don’t read as much as we should to require us to actually OWN a bookmark. We could also sell an accessory that could have a little suction cup with a spring that you could attach your bookmark to and hang in the window of your car, to give a bit of animation to the bird riding shotgun in your window. Dooce could speak by proxy(s) to the world.

Just a thought.

peacegirl

Oh, hell yes. I would have liked to see an air pistol in that image. Or maybe your arms in front of your chest, one hand under your chin as if contemplatin’ some ass kickin’, eyebrow arched.

malisams

What the shit is wrong with people? It’s sad to think of people so very unhappy with themselves and their lot that it actually makes them feel better to take big, mean dumps on someone already neck-deep in steaming life feces.

Fuck them, indeed. Those who love you far outnumber those who don’t. Remember that, and pity them (if you even give them a second thought).

CARRY ON, LADY. <3

cablearms

There YOU are — I’ve missed you!!! Fuck all of them!

pvhobart

By your side. Sending energy and strength.

juliejackson

Put them all in your driveway and borrow a Hummer to run over their asses! I feel the need to stitch “Go Fuck Yourselves” for you. Haters gonna hate — maybe it’s time for Monetize The Hate II?

Jutenhoop

You go girl! So PROUD of you! xxoo

mamazons

Fist pump
Belly bump
High five
Hand jive
Middle finger
Let it linger!

Funnygirl78

I have so much love for this post. And for your copious use of the expletive FUCK. Yay.

hybridshadow

Way to go, Heather! I am so happy for you and for your strength. For every idiot out there who feels the need to knock you down, you have 10 more who are ready to have your back. Keep hanging in there, Heather. You are amazing. I’m also so happy for what your therapist said, although I hope you don’t miss her too much.

alimaful

Just wanted to stop by and leave some love…you are such an amazing, strong woman!!! Love to all of you!

beattiestudios

I love you and your bravery!!!!! I am doing the moonwalk too and giving all those haters the bird!!!

mrs_black

YES! You are awesome, Heather. Keep standing strong.

JessicaM

Ha – I was going to say that you should resurrect the “Monetize the Hate” site again, too.

That was some entertaining reading.

Also: you’re doing better with the hair growing out than I would be. I’ve never allowed a layer shorter than chin length specifically because when I want to “grow out my layers,” what I always end up doing is just have them give me a chin length bob.

etandsarah

I’ve been trying to spend more time parenting and less time surfing, so I just last week caught up with what was happening with you. It was shocking – and I just cannot believe that people have been cruel and heartless to you. You are strong. You are brave. You are important. Yes, I’m paraphrasing The Help – but the message is so good! Keep that beautiful chin up!!

lindzgrl

I’ve been reading this site for years and rarely comment. I just want to say that I think you’re an incredibly talented and intelligent person, which can make a lot of people jealous and, thus, cause them to lash out. And the second life sends you on a stumble, they attack. Eventually you’ll find your footing again, and you’ll be able to look back and see all you’ve overcome. All the haters will be able to look back and see is their own bitter pettiness.

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