There are dozens of new miles of bike trails and “bikeways” for those ready

BSYNCY Friday Fun Quiz!

Yesterday I mentioned that someone who was offended by one of my lame Twitter jokes has ironically kicked off a boycott against me by selling his copy of my first book. (The one before Rick Rubin got a hold of me and totally ruined my sound.) Well, at the time the bidding was at $.06, but as of this morning it's rocketed all the way up to $15.50:

I realize I haven't ever written anything worth more than like a quarter (an American quarter, not one of those Canadian ones that the soda machines always spit back out at you), and that once you factor in the shipping it's already up to more than the actual cover price of the book. However, keep in mind that if you win it I'll not only devalue it further by signing it but I'll also write a poem and draw a picture in it. Plus, you'll know that the money you're spending is going to a good cause, since this guy is pretty irritated with me for teasing the poor maligned NRA, and this way he can use the proceeds to buy some ammo and squeeze off a few rounds at the gun range, which hopefully will make him feel better. And if he needs a target, I'd suggest the following:

(The rings are all wonky because it's artisanal. Please feel free to download, print, and shoot at with your weapon of choice.)

By the way, please be assured I have no intention of sparking some sort of gun debate, and that I'm merely exercising my constitutional right to make jokes about the fact that someone doesn't like me.

Also yesterday, I mentioned my reluctance to renew my USA Cycling license, and a reader forwarded me the following article:

Basically, the article explores whether USA Cycling is indeed hindering the sort of grassroots amateur bike racing that is relevant to 99% of us regular schmucks, and it uses OBRA as an example of an organization that's flourishing without them:

Since breaking away from the federation in the late 1990s, OBRA has grown its membership to more than 5,000, and this year sanctioned more than 330 races. OBRA’s marquee event, the Portland-based Cross Crusade series, is the largest amateur cyclocross series in the world, averaging 1,100 racers at each of its eight events last season.

Pretty hard to argue with that, especially if you've been to a Cross Crusade race--though USA Cycling tries anyway:

"You need to step back and look at the importance of international heroes and role models. They add value and cache to the sport. We honestly believe that the overall benefit far outweighs any incremental increase in cost. Right now anyone in Oregon is outside the system with regard with those progressive opportunities that people tend to find value in.”

Wow. He didn't just say "heroes and role models," did he? Yeah, they've added "value and cache[t] to the sport" like a low-fiber diet adds volume to your stool.

Whether it's numb penises or aching vulvas, the media continues to be amazed that riding an ill-fitting bicycle can hurt your crotch. Somehow most people manage to understand you need to wear shoes that are the right size or else your feet will hurt, but when it comes to bicycles we need laboratory research to tell us that riding the wrong bike will punish our pee-pees and woo-woos:

"The women took their personal bikes and saddles into the lab. The researchers mounted the bikes on a stationary machine, and had the riders position their seats and handlebars according to their preference. As the women pedaled, they reported whether they felt soreness, numbness or tingling as a result of sitting on the bike seat, and a device was used to measure sensation in the pelvic floor."

By the way, the device that measures sensation in the pelvic floor is actually Mario Cipollini's face:

(A perfectly calibrated vulvular pressure device.)

Anyway, the shocking revelation here is that if your crotch hurts you should raise your bars:

In cases where the women's' handlebars were positioned lower than the seat, more numbing and tingling were "observed" in their perineums (that all important area of the anatomy that women seldom think of unless pregnant and about to give birth, or if it is saddle sore). In fact, the study's authors conclude that handlebar heights lower than saddle heights "significantly impact" genital sensation in women.

Which is why I'm launching a new pub[l]ic awareness campaign:

And I'm pleased to report that at least one rider has already gotten the message: