User:Mattsnow/Pee Review

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Alright, I'll try to make some suggestions which you can follow or not. You'll notice that I like to whine and bitch a lot. :) First of all, the humor is disorganized a bit, and it is confusing at times. Call me an old geezer, but the dramatic overuse of the words "fanboy", "fangirl" "fanbase" "fantard" and "fanfic" really gets annoying and confusing after a while, especially for the reader who is not familiar at all with fan fiction.

How about sometimes using "fan fiction aficionado" and expressions like it? Also, I highly doubt that anybody will know what "canon or fanon" really is except a very small minority of people. Please find a comprehensible way to say that. Also, what is "suethors"??? Some kind of author? I'm not too enthusiastic about the "pwn" or "pwnage" use either and all that 1337 speak, that's my opinion, but I'm afraid it will be shared by many. The e-mail thing made me smile, although my head was still dizzied by the confusing text and typo correction.

Also, the Example fanfic needs some work in the humor department. I'm not sure the terribly exaggerated typos running for 20 lines is a good idea.

Concept:

6

The concept could be better, it seems you are enumerating the "fandoms" (if I got it right) and basically explain why this particular fandom is retarded, with relatively low success in the humor or coherence department. When demeaning a subject or topic, it is important to do it in a subtle manner, or else the humor aspect suffers. Saying flat out: "This thing sucks!" is not really funny, but finding a subtle way for the reader to come to that conclusion himself often is. I have to say that you certainly possess a great imagination and that I sometimes chuckled at comparisons you were making.

Prose and formatting:

3

I corrected a (massive) bunch of typos, you're welcome. The prose would need a good clean-up, for instance, try using synonyms when you have repetitions, for instance, "God" could be referred to as "The Lord" or "The Almighty Dictator, Ruler of Us All" instead of repeating "God". Same thing with "Bible" (Holy Book, God's Diary, The Lord's Leaflet, whatever)

Could you please tell me what is a "suefic" (history section). In fact the whole sentence is badly constructed: "Despite many later people consider it as a suefic," I don't get it, sorry! Also, oftentimes the verb tenses don't seem to match. In the history section, I think you should be using the past tense, for example.

I rebuilt that sentence a bit "Almost all franchises are involved into the crap-fest known as fan fiction. However, this section introduces the most seen fanfic prey for fantards to prey on. Watch at your own risk." but I'm sure you can do better. I also came across this word: "redeemless". I don't know what you meant bro. In my typo correcting rampage, I came across those words, I have no idea what you meant: "gardevoir" and "eevee". Are those proper nouns? You should put a capital letter if they are :P What is a "brony"? A "masculine gary stus"? A "stagant"?

I didn't correct any typos in the Example fanfic section because they were intentional, I hope. :)

Images:

5

The images are the strong point of the article, but sometimes the caption are not relevant at all to the pic, case in point the image with the caption OH JUST FUCK IT OUT ALREADY!

Also, you could use the __NOTOC__ thing to make the massive Table of content magically disappear, that would be more pleasant to the eyes.

Miscellaneous:

4

Pretty much the overall grade I would give it so far.

Final Score:

22

I hope that helped, to be honest I had a hard time making the review, but you have to remember that a lot of readers are not going to know the subject much, so speaking in 1337 fan fiction language is probably not a good idea. The prose is the main thing to be addressed, along with adding subtle humor and I also suggest cutting the article a bit to make it shorter. Feel free to ask me further questions on my talkpage or ask for help. Cheers!