There are some words in the English language that convey profound meaning through their sheer ambiguity. Assclown is one of them.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Please Follow Instructions

As you may know, Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson is the father of The Mighty Blog, countless illegitimate livestock, and Dyckerson Enterprises Worldwide, which is a trusted name in the Amish homoerotic publishing industry. Clearly, Dyckerson is a busy man. When he graciously takes time out of his busy schedule to perform a public service, we should take heed.

In an effort to make the Internets a safer place for you and your children, Dyckerson has taken it upon himself to create a foolproof security screening procedure, which is bound to become a model for the blogosphere. Dyckerson outlines his vision in a post entitled Safety First! To wit:

Blogger security is a fucking joke - anyone can register using bogus information. So I have no choice to put my own safeguards in place. Therefore, I am asking all of my female readers to submit to a thorough screening process to verify your ages and identities......

Dyckerson goes on to lay out a multi-pronged identity verification scheme, much of which is beyond the scope of this discussion. However, I did find Step 3, which requires a photographic submission, to be particularly relevant:

....(3) A nude photograph of yourself - I can't have my male readers wasting their time lusting after some she-male transvestite, now can I?

Folks, we're not building rockets here. In my mind, this directive is straightforward and can be summarized by the following equality: NAKED PICTURES TO DYCKERSON = SAFE INTERNET. Nevertheless, some of you can't seem to understand such a simple instruction. After all, Dyckerson is only looking for your safety. Thus, at the risk of alienating my readers, I feel compelled to take this opportunity to admonish some of you. Please, just follow his instructions and do what he asks, so that we can prevent security missteps like this: