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Earlier this month, when Donald Trump’s declaration to run for office was cute and still a nationally loved joke, he humorlessly leaned into the microphone and declared that under him we would be steered in a direction towards the ‘American Dream;’ an ideal that was lost years ago, but mostly under the Obama Administration. Although Trump indicated that immigration reform, legislation towards terrorism, Obamacare, and the general existence of a job market are the things that have led to the diversion from the true American form, this reporter began to wonder:what American Dream could Trump really be talking about? With the majority of millennials dumping that idea once exiting the womb, and thousands stomping on it daily with their protests, does anyone know what the American Dream is?

“When Donald Trump talks about the American Dream,” said Ceclia Whitmore, “I think he is referring to the time before the Bacon Rebellion of 1676, you know, before anyone fought against the ruling class, white servants and black slaves were separate, and Native Americans were kept forcefully silent. Today, you got too much clamor, too much ‘advocacy.’ Back then [before 1676], shit was real. The American Dream was untainted by ‘equality’ and purified by surplus monies.”

“Even further back!” shouted a nearby supporter. “He means when “manifest destiny” was not just a couple words in a textbook, but was lived out! We need to get back to that perspective that we are the greatest, the smartest, and the most equipped, and if other countries don’t want to be blocked out or swallowed up, then they would have developed themselves a long time ago.”

“You’re all batshit!” roared a craggy old man. “He wants to restore America back to the time when all the lands were connected. You know, what’s that damn thing called…Pancetta! [Pangea]. When Pancetta [Pangea] was actually America, and we took over everything. Them dinosaurs were American and look what they dedicated to us: oil! But them [racial slur] think it’s theirs when really….”

It appears, that through my interactions with local Trump supporters, the American Dream is really when white, blonde, English-born men or dinosaurs, dominated all activities of the countries and there was never a discussion of who gets what.