Art and commentary by Kimberly Harris

Archive for the ‘Current events’ Category

On Friday, June 15, 2018 embattled former FBI Director, James Comey, tweeted a picture of himself standing in the shadow of a giant concrete gnome. The image quickly made its way into the national media with widespread speculation as to its meaning. The following is Don and Kim’s interpretation of the event.

In his lucid dream triggered by eating spoiled food at a church picnic, Jim Comey accidentally crossed through a dimensional portal and found himself trapped in the Land of the Gnomes.

After eating a bad tuna fish sandwich at a church picnic, former FBI Director Jim Comey laid down under a shady tree in the park to rest and nurse his upset stomach. He soon lapsed into a deep sleep and began to experience a lucid dream.

Comey dreamt he was taking a long casual hike in the forest to engage in a period of solitary relaxation and introspection. He wanted to process the monumental events that had recently engulfed him. Lost in thought for the longest time, he suddenly realized that he was also lost in the woods. In an attempt to retrace his steps, he followed a shadowy path through a dark stand of trees. He eventually happened upon a small clearing where he beheld a strange figure in the distance. The figure beckoned him to approach and when Comey broke out of the gloom into the light of the clearing, he found himself standing next to a large gnome of considerable stature who towered over Comey’s six-foot-nine frame. The gnome identified himself as “Muirgheas, Lord of the Forest Gnomes” and asked Comey why he was intruding into the domain of the forest spirits.

Comey replied, “I am so sorry, your lordship. I really had no intention of barging into your domain. I was just out for a contemplative stroll in the woods to seek peace and solitude while I reflected on some personal problems. Then I became lost.”

“Prithee bid me what is troubling thee,” said Muirgheas as he tapped fresh tobacco into his hand-carved pipe.

“Well,” said Comey, “You see, I have been faced with some difficult decisions at work, and in several instances, I couldn’t win no matter what I did. I was fired and my friends have abandoned me and I could be indicted for crimes I didn’t commit. My former trusted deputy McCabe has gone rogue and two persistent knaves named Gowdy and Jordan are seeking to put me in jail.”

“I see,” said Muirgheas, “I wouldst appeareth thou art in a bit of a pickle.”

“Lord Muirgheas, I am a good person and undeserving of what is happening to me. I have heard that gnomes possess supernatural powers. Might it be possible for you to use your magic to make my problems go away?

“I don’t has’t the auth’rity on mine own to useth charms for f’r the benefit of humans,” said Muirgheas, “but I couldst bringeth up thine requesteth at next month’s meeting of the Council of Gnomes.”

Comey replied “That is very kind of you to offer, but that won’t work because I may be required to testify before Congress and if I miss that hearing I will most certainly be cited for contempt.”

Muirgheas swiftly interjected: “Comey, we might beest able to maketh thine problems wend hence and removeth all traces from the official rec’rd. We has’t someone h’re who is’t can telepathically induceth selecteth s’rv’r hard disk sect’rs to becometh c’rrupt and p’rmanently loseth their data. Howev’r, at which hour thou tooketh yond wrong f’rk in the road backeth th’re, thou unwittingly did cross through a momentary dimensional p’rtal which project’d thou into a diff’rent plane in timeth and space. Thou art nay longeth’r wh’re thou did start out. Thou art anon in Éire, the home of thine Celtic ancest’rs, and backeth in a much gentl’r, simpl’r timeth. Th’re is nay returning, so thou shall beest joyous to learneth yond thou wilt nev’r again has’t to dealeth with those two scoundrel Scotsmen, McCabe and Gowdy ‘r yond pesky rascal J’rdan.”

“Howev’r, as a result of thine unwitting intrusion into our realm, thou art presently did classify h’re as an undocument’d immigrant. This places thou in gnome-man’s landeth and subject to being lock’d in a cage, so we shall needeth to initiateth thine naturalization processeth as anon as possible.”

“We can starteth with getting thou fitt’d f’r a col’rful outfit and cap, some handsome boots and a broad black belt with a big shiny buckle. Thou wilt beest joyous h’re. The maj’rity of gnomes art less than four feet tall, so thou wilt walketh ‘mongst us as a giant, Consid’ring thine impressive credentials, with timeth, thou couldst beest consid’r’d f’r the position of Gnome Att’rney Gen’ral. ”

Comey was then suddenly shaken into a waking state by paramedics who had been summoned by park police after a report of a mass food poisoning incident. He was lifted onto a gurney and transported to a hospital where he was successfully treated and released the same evening. As he walked out the door, he was greeted by a man in a dark suit with a sinister grin who handed him a congressional subpoena and announced: “You’re served!” Then, as Comey turned to leave, a nurse chased after him and said “Sir, you forgot your hat” as she gave him a pointy, green hand-felted cap with a label on the inside “Made in Eire.”

Here is a link to Jim Comey’s Instagram page and the image that inspired this tale:

Share this:

Like this:

The Antifa La La Carolers perform their signature holiday song “All I want for Christmas is Your Two Front Teeth”

Well, the Christmas season is upon us and with it comes the snow, the chilling temperatures, the aroma of chestnuts roasting on an open fire, family gatherings, and, of course, the carolers who stroll through the neighborhoods spreading cheer with their harmonious melodies.

As the protest season ratcheted down, a group of paid professional protesters saw their incomes waning and decided to pick up some extra cash by celebrating their year’s achievements in song.

Flyin’ Ted beats his wings hard to catch up to The Donald’s Juggernaut

After campaigning out West in the delegate-rich states of California, Washington and Oregon, Donald Trump decided to forgo his private Boeing 757 jet and make a dramatic entrance at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland by landing a World War II vintage Ryan PT-22 trainer in the parking lot of the Quicken Loans Arena. As Trump homes in on Cleveland, Flyin’ Ted is cruzin’ hard and shedding feathers in his wake as he tries to catch up to The Donald and his pilot, Captain Eddie. Flyin’ Ted’s last hope is to collect enough delegates before July to feather his nest at what he believes could be a contested convention that could score him the nomination.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“He was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight, limited by nothing at all”
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

N.B. For you aviation buffs out there, the airplane is a Ryan PT-22 “Recruit” which was used as a trainer by the United States Army Air Forces during World War II. A civilian version of the PT-22, a Ryan Aeronautical ST3KR, was in the news in March 2015 when actor Harrison Ford experienced an engine failure after departing from Santa Monica airport. He was forced to crash-land on a nearby golf course where he sustained serious injuries.

Faced with the prospect of jousting with opponents of overwhelming stature, fearless governor John Quixotich exchanges his trusty steed Rocinante for a fierce fire-breathing dragon and charges forth with a battle cry “It’s time for nice guys to get noticed.”

Like this:

The Trumpus spirits away a load of naughty office-seekers to be whipped in his underground lair deep inside the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino deep beneath Atlantic City.

In Germany, Austria and Italy, Santa and Krampus have been in a partnership since time immemorial. Their special compact specifies that Santa will reward the good children and Krampus, a part-demon, part-goat creature, has the responsibility of punishing the bad ones. This way, Santa does not tarnish his public image as a kind, jovial old fellow loved by all.

In the United States, the worst a naughty child can expect from Santa is a lump of coal in a Christmas stocking. However, in Europe, the fate of misbehaving children is far grimmer. Santa doesn’t bother with them. After leaving presents for the good kids, he instructs Krampus to collect the naughty ones and stuff them in his basket to be taken away to be whipped with switches made of birch twigs, or worse, to be devoured altogether.

Due to the alarming increase in naughtiness and bad behavior on the part of adults around the world, Santa decided to add a new position to his holiday workforce. His longstanding sidekick Krampus will now be getting some much-needed assistance from Trumpus, a new hire from America.

Over the last few months, Santa had deployed a number of his best Elves on a Shelf to infiltrate the homes of prominent candidates and observe their behavior. When the elves reported back with their findings, Santa was horrified by what he heard, especially regarding the appalling exchange of insults and accusations between the candidates. Santa instructed Trumpus to mete out deserving punishment to them. The wily Trumpus lured them all in under the pretense of a sleigh ride to a political rally where wealthy donors would be present. But before they knew it, they were collected into a basket and swiftly consigned to a dungeon in Trumpus’ subterranean lair in the elegant and exclusive Trumpus Tunnel and Casino beneath Atlantic City where they soon realized that all the slot machines are rigged, the hors d’oeuvres are stale and none of the drinks are free.

While rummaging through the trash in the dumpster behind a trendy café in Lower Manhattan, Bob the Coyote couldn’t believe his good fortune when he found a coupon for a free beverage of his choice stuck to a piece of smelly cheese.

Bob settled into a sunny sidewalk seat and being a coyote of some refinement, he ordered an icy cold Salty Dog to relax before retreating to the comfort of his den on the top floor of a nearby parking garage. After checking his ID and his rabies vaccination tag, the waiter graciously accepted the coupon and brought Bob his drink.

You see, in the wake of a recent incident in Norwood, N.J. where a man was bitten by a coyote thought to be rabid, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene began requiring that any canid frequenting an establishment serving food and beverage had to be vaccinated against rabies. This regulation came after a scientific determination that the herd immunity effect did not apply to packs of coyotes.

New York is a progressive city that takes pride in its diversity and Mayor Bill de Blasio has granted coyotes a special status as “citizen canids” with all of the accompanying rights and privileges. It has been reported that newly reelected Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel is looking into a similar program for the Windy City’s estimated 2,000 resident coyotes.

The folks of the Big Apple can expect to be sharing more of their fair city’s fine dining establishments with their furred quadruped compatriots as the southward migration of coyotes from wooded areas of the Bronx continues to feed the exploding coyote populations in Brooklyn and Manhattan.