Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 16:48:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Liliana Mae
Subject: my heart is in your hands chapter 4
Title: my heart is in your hands
Chapter 4: tell me what to do now
Disclaimer: this is not meant to imply anything about the sexual
orientation of the members of *nsync. it's just for fun. :)
yo, yo...
i want to thank everyone who has stuck with the story! i'm so sorry i've
been late with the chapters. i suck. (sorry, kent!)
*hopefully* i'll get the next one out sometime next week. but who knows? ;)
anyway, i hope you like this chapter!
--lili
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Justin felt a rush of emotions come over him as he sat in the
middle of the group. The others were singing along happily to a song
someone was singing on the television. He couldn't tell who it was-- his
mind was elsewhere. He remembered the horrible feeling he got when he
noticed the guys were within sight of his moment with JC. He didn't think
he could handle them knowing-- especially since he didn't even know what
was going on. JC meant so much to him, and he didn't want to ruin their
friendship. Lance must have noticed his blank stare, because all of a
sudden, his hand was waving in front of Justin's tortured face. He snapped
back into reality as Lance asked him if something was wrong.
"No, I'm-I'm just a little tired," he said wearily.
"Aww, you need to rest up, then. We're gonna be performing in a
few hours," Lance said with a worried look on his face.
"You're right. I'm going to just... go to my room."
Justin stood up and walked toward the door, quickly followed by JC.
He shook his head slowly and began to leave, oblivious to JC's caring eyes.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked quietly. Justin didn't know
what to say. He just looked at those eyes, wondering what feelings were
behind them.
"I-- I have to go," he said nervously. JC knew he needed time
alone. He sighed and fell against the wall, watching Justin hurry to his
own room without looking back. He hoped he hadn't done anything to hurt
him. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do.
"What am I doing? What am I thinking?" Justin cried once he was
alone in his room. He remembered how it felt to lose Matt, how it felt to
lose all that history. He didn't want to go down that road with JC if it
meant he'd lose him eventually, too. But it felt so good to be that close
to him, that close to true happiness. He imagined that perfectly chiseled
face, those eyes. He wished he could be back in that moment, he wished he
could hold it forever. But it was gone as quickly as it had come, and he
was all alone once again.
"I'm really worried about Justin," Lance said quietly, his forehead
crinkled with concern.
"Dude, he didn't look good," Chris said absentmindedly while
staring into the shining screen across the room.
"Yeah," Joey said, reaching for the bag of potato chips Chris was
grasping tightly.
"Hey! Those are mine! Get your own bag!" Chris shouted playfully.
"What are you, a commercial? Learn how to share!" Joey replied
with a smile.
"What are you, an after-school special?"
The two laughed uproariously, diving into the bag of greasy crumbs.
Lance couldn't help but laugh, yet he wanted to have a serious conversation
for once. He glanced over to the door where JC was still sitting on the
carpeted floor. He watched his fingers trace the patterns of blue and
green, obviously still thinking about Justin. Lance could tell something
was happening between the two, but didn't know exactly what it was. For so
long, he had watched Chris and Joey spend all their time together, feeling
a little left out of their fun. And JC and Justin spent so much time
together, leaving Lance to dwell in his loneliness. But when Justin first
began dating Matt, JC suddenly had time for Lance. They used to talk all
the time. They used to discuss the things that were important to him. No
one else seemed to care. Then Justin started coming home upset,
complaining that Matt didn't understand him. JC went back to spending all
his time with him. And Lance was alone again.
"Hey, JC," Lance said softly as he approached him.
JC looked up and sighed. Lance's warm smile made him feel a little
better, but he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened in the
restaurant. Lance offered a hand to help him up and he opened the door,
leading the way down the hall. JC was silent as he followed the figure in
front of him. He didn't ask where they were going or tell the others they
were leaving. He liked spending time with Lance, but he still wanted to
run to Justin's room, swing open the door, and pull him close, staring into
those deep blue eyes. But he knew he didn't have the courage to do that.
"Up for some ice cream?" Lance finally asked.
"Yeah, that'd be great," he said with a weak smile.
"Is room service okay?"
"That's fine. I don't feel like being around a lot of people,
anyway."
Lance stared at his feet as he walked, taking care not to swing his
arms too much. He was so glad JC was with him. Finally he didn't have to
lock himself in his room alone with five banana splits to console him. He
could hardly contain his happiness, grinning widely. But out of the corner
of his eye, he noticed the sadness in JC's face. He knew where JC would
rather be. He knew where JC had to be.
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okay, so that was really sad. and i'm sorry to say that i foresee some more
sadness next time. :(
but hey, things will get better eventually. and don't you love the way JC
cares so much about Justin??
(well... do you? let me know! my address is thereisnoturningback@yahoo.com)
thanks for reading!