A confrontation with a dominant male makes you feel vulnerable: a case of Columba palumbus

by Carolyn Burdet

The
initial consultation was at short notice, a request for a home visit, as she
was too anxious to leave the house. It sounded like an acute situation – she
was suffering severe anxiety since a family funeral, but it turns out the
funeral was two years ago. She is in a broken down state, unable to leave the
house or go to work. Counselling did not help.

Initial
Consultation

The
patient is a woman aged 59. Her house is very tidy, everything in the decor
matches – wallpaper, curtains, cushions, air freshener. She has neatly styled
hair, nail varnish, and it is evident that she takes a great deal of care about
appearance.

The
case unfolds in a very scattered, disjointed way. She struggles to gather her
thoughts. Her legs are jiggling constantly and she makes flapping hand
movements. She weeps and picks at her nails.

Patient
(P): My daughter has given me Ignatia (50M!) for anxiety and situations
when I feel I’m going to be stressed. I get palpitations. When I take it, I’m
not aware of it working.

Two
years ago, my ex-husband died of cancer. It was stressful for my daughter, it
affected her afterwards.

I
tend to pick up on anxiety, my own and that of other people. I can’t shield
myself. IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) is my response to it. It kicks off and I
can’t control it (HG: lots of hand gestures - bringing her hands near the sides
of her head with her fingers splayed wide apart, fluttering her fingers).

Anxiety about family

P:
I pick up on anxiety from other people, my family. It builds up. The fear of
not knowing builds up stress in you. I have problems with my son. He had a head
injury. He got involved in a fight – he was in hospital. (It is very
disjointed, she is visibly distraught and trying to contain herself.) You don’t
know what the situation is, what you’re going to find. Anxiety kicks off the
IBS. I can’t control it. It’s like that in any situation. Not knowing triggers
it and I can’t control it. You don’t know which doctor you’re going to see (HG
hands flapping).

Fear of dominant people

P:
My dad was strict. I remember being fearful of him. Fear of him as an adult
male (HG).

He
was dominant. Strong dominant people, adult men give me the same feeling. I didn’t
like going to see a male doctor. If I saw I was going to see him, I’d be worse.
He was like, “what’s wrong with you today then...” (HG, as if dismissing her).

Overprotective of her children

P:
I told him what happened when I was little, and he sent me for counselling. I’d
never mentioned it before to a doctor. I never mentioned it when I was little
to my mum or dad. (She explains this incident later.)

It
gave me a problem of being over-protective with my children. It was ok when
they were children, I could control it, I could control them, but when they got
to the age when they want to go out and about, teenagers, that caused me a
problem.

Affected by terrible stories in the news

Carolyn
Burdet (CB): What is the feeling?

P:
It makes me have a fear of something happening (HG, legs jerking, she is very
agitated).

I
didn’t have the trust that they could make decisions about what people are like
out there. If I see or hear anything that happens to children on the news, it
affects me.

The
pressure you feel in your head. I get headaches. I’ve got an appointment at the
Ear Nose Throat department at the hospital for my sinuses. I had an ear
infection; it led to labyrinthitis and tinnitus. I feel pressure when there are
health things, I have tension in my neck and shoulders, I stand like this... (she
sits up rigidly with stiffened shoulders).

P:
It’s all to do with safety. It’s being aware of what’s around me, of what
imposes a risk. Fearing what will happen if I’m not in control.

CB:
‘Dominant people’...?

P:
My ex-husband was not dominant, but he had a drink problem. You are the main
person who controls responsibility. The difference with this husband is that he
is a stronger person. He can be quite dominating (HG flapping). I have a
problem with that. I can’t stick up for myself with a dominant male, if it’s a
confrontation with a male. My husband is not going to reject me if I stand up
to him – he won’t like it, but he won’t reject me (tearful, HG: legs jerking).

Fear of making errors

P:
I have a fear of making mistakes, of making errors. I’m quite pernickety,
conscientious – not obsessive – but if I’m doing something I’m responsible for
at work, I’m meticulous. I check and re check. I’m not a meticulous housekeeper
as you can see. (This is the opposite – there is not a thing out of place). I
have so many family items that need sorting out and getting rid off. I’m
holding onto them. I’ve lost a lot of my family (weeps).

Cancer

P:
There’s an underlying fear as I get older, it happens more and more, it’s
closer and closer, my own mortality, and people in the family, I’ll not be able
to cope with it. Cancer is so dominant. I’ve lost people close to me in a
really short time, two years (weeps).

Estranged from family

P:
My father didn’t have anything to do with family. There were skeletons with his
family.

The
family didn’t talk about it. My father was estranged from his family. It affected how he treated me. He felt
over-protective of me. That made it worse. If we did something naughty he would
threaten to put me in a children’s home. I remember clinging to his legs
pleading with him not to put me in a children’s home (weeps).

Responsibility for family problems

P:
My son’s getting divorced. He has two girls, but he doesn’t see them. He had
another boy with another relationship but he doesn’t see him and I can’t see my
grandson (weeps). He doesn’t care about anything. He doesn’t send me a birthday
card or a Mother’s day card. I feel hurt. I’ve always tried to be there for
him. I tried to sort out his financial things but I end up taking on
responsibility, there’s only so much you can do. My fear is that he’ll get into
trouble. My children don’t tell me a lot of what goes on. They know I worry, so
they don’t tell me anything. They are protecting me like I used to do to them.
It’s a rejection (weeps).

Poverty background

P:
My father was strict. He was dominant. We weren’t well off. We lived in a
caravan, like a shed. There was no electricity. I shared a bedroom with my
brother and we fetched water in a bucket. We lived in quite poor conditions.

We
were always worried about upsetting my dad – he’d get angry. My mother couldn’t
afford to get us presents at Christmas so she ordered things from a catalogue
that you pay week by week, and my dad went mad at her. He didn’t like buying
things we couldn’t afford to pay for.

It
made me afraid, fearful in situations where people get angry, people who fight.
It gave me a lot of fear. I can’t comprehend the way people are, the way the
world is. I watch detective programs on TV, gory murders. There is no value on
life at all.

I
am secure here. I am in a financial situation where I don’t have money worries.
I still have a job. My husband says I don’t have to work but it’s security.
I’ve been on my own as a single parent. I had to do it to survive. I don’t need
to work but it offers me security. My husband takes responsibility for
bills.

Singing

P:
I used to sing but I lost my confidence. I don’t know if I can perform now. The
nerves take over, I’m worried if I’m going to forget it, make a mistake that
puts you under pressure. IBS upsets my tummy. Like my son being in hospital. I
find it affects you.

Fear of the Edge

P:
My counsellor talked to me about taking responsibility. For instance, when
there was a couple with a toddler at the harbour, there was nothing preventing
him falling over the edge. Why don’t they see he’s in danger? Why aren’t they
taking any notice of this little one – they are responsible for making him
safe. (She also talks about her husband’s driving and fear of him going too
near the edge.)

CB:
What about heights? (She mentioned fear of heights on her form.)

P:
Looking over the edge of a cliff to the bottom or looking down a building,
there is the fear of falling off. I feel vulnerable. It’s dangerous – to fall
over the edge.

(We
spend time with this, the image is very vivid for her, she goes deeper into
Sensation).

Dry throat

P:
My IBS kicks off, I get pain and it makes me go to the toilet. Sharp pain,
cramp. I can feel all the sensitivity like a build up of wind. It creates
pressure. Going to the toilet releases the pressure.

CB:
Any other symptoms?

P:
Problems with my throat, a dry throat. Sore, dry, red, like there is no
moisture in it. A virus normally goes from a sore throat to a cold and a cough,
and my sinuses get infected. Sinus pressure across my nose and pain across my
face. I wake up as tired as I go to bed. I can’t seem to get myself motivated.
I feel under pressure to do things. The headaches are a sharp pain across the
nose.

You
have to take control of it - you don’t give in, it makes you feel vulnerable if
you give in. If I give in I feel weak, I get upset.

Fear of flying

P:
I don’t feel safe flying. I can’t bring myself to do it, flying. I lost my dad
two days before my 20th birthday. It badly affected me. That feeling comes
back. Fear of flying, fear of something happening in the aeroplane. I have a
lack of trust in the people responsible for the aircraft; pilots, people make
mistakes.

Talons

(She
has been fiddling with her nails and continues spontaneously...)

P:
I used to bite my nails until they bled. I pull the skin around my nails and
thumb until it bleeds. I don’t like talon sized nails. I don’t want them to
look ugly, like my nails used to. It makes me stronger not to bite them. I
don’t know how you can function with talon sized nails.

I’m
a worrier. But I can pick up on the things people say if they make fun of me. I use humour as defense, so it feels like they
weren’t the ones making fun of me and I don’t feel vulnerable. It’s a defensive
reaction. It’s the vulnerability. It’s the control thing; I feel better when I
take control.

Trying to get family together

P:
But I can’t deal with my own family so easily. I want them to be happy. When I
see they’re not, I can’t do anything about that. I can’t take control. I try
and get them together. I’ve got 8 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. I’m
happiest when they’re all together. I worry if when I’m not here, they won’t
see one another, they’re so busy with their own lives (cries).

Death

P:
My brother moved away. My fear is dying ultimately. I haven’t had any contact.
I know if anything happens to him I couldn’t cope with that. I know what I felt
like when my dad died. That’s when it started.

I
must have had the disposition in my own mentality for anxiety. My mum didn’t
cope with it very well. I might as well not be here now. She wasn’t strong. She
didn’t support me. I didn’t have a close loving relationship. When you have a
mum and dad, everything is going to be all right. Now you’re the one like that.
We couldn’t afford a holiday. We were just living, just surviving. I was so
fearful of dad.

I’d
like to get to the point where I’m happy. I’m happy when my children are all
together here. I like to help other people. There’s a neighbour whose husband
has skin cancer. I feel good about myself when I do something small to help
somebody else. I feel better about myself. I don’t feel better about the other
side of myself. I had an affair because of the drinking. It was with (her
second husband). The complication caused its own problems. I don’t feel good
about myself. I feel I’m a bad person (weeps, her legs fidget frantically).

Abused

P:
Antibiotics don’t work any more, they’ve been abused. The tablets the doctor
gives you (antidepressants) numb you out. I weaned myself off them. In the
morning I was awful, zombified.

I’m
angry with myself and with my father too, I blame him. My father was so
dominant, so I didn’t stop the man because I was fearful. (She describes a
childhood incident age 7 where she was taken from the fairground by a stranger,
and he made her touch him sexually.) He gave me 10 shillings. My counsellor
says it was child abuse, but I didn’t know that’s what it was, he didn’t do
anything to me, he got me to do something to him. It’s had an effect on my
relationships (HG: waves to where her husband has just come in).

Analysis

Repertorisation using Radar

The
central issue is fear and anxiety after being dominated and abused:

Lycopodium
would treat the anticipatory anxiety and IBS symptoms but it does not cover the
central issue of the case; a partial remedy for a handful of symptoms.
Carcinosin meets her need for control over details, but it seems like a
suppressive prescription. We can cover the cancer miasm of the case by working
with sensation, kingdoms and miasms.

You
are unlikely to come to a bird remedy via repertorisation alone.

Which
Kingdom?

Any
Mineral Kingdom themes? Incapacity for the burden of responsibility

“Not
knowing if I’ll not be able to cope with it.” (incapacity); “She didn’t support
me.” (Stage 2? – need for support). “I am secure here. My husband says I don’t
have to work but it’s security.” (Series
4, stage 2?). “If I give in, I feel weak.” (Weak could be mineral or animal).

Plant
kingdom themes? Sensitivity

She
is “sensitive” to others’ distress, she has sinus problems, exacerbated by
chemical air fresheners, but her anxiety is not triggered by her environment,
rather by her family.

“My
father was strict, he was dominant.” “This husband is stronger, he can be
dominating.” “I can’t stick up for myself with a dominant male, if it’s a
confrontation with a male. It makes you feel vulnerable if you give in.” (Dominating/submissive).

“I
don’t feel better about the other side of myself.” (Split will - instinctive animal sexual side,
giving in to her sexuality, deceit of an extramarital affair - all animal
themes).

“I’m
angry with myself and with my father. My father was so dominant, I was fearful.
I didn’t stop the man because I was fearful.” (Dominated, overpowered,
manipulated, sexual abuse).

“We
were just living, just surviving.” (More than a security issue, it is a
survival issue).

Animal Themes in the case

Dominated
by a dominant male

Control
/ being controlled

Confrontation,
conflict

Sexual

Survival

Bird Themes

Responsibility
for looking after family

Sex
abuse, incest, anger shame (pigeon themes)

Environmental
sensitivity

Flying,
heights

Restless
extremities, jiggling legs, HG flapping

“I
can’t deal with my own family so easily. I want them to be happy, when I see
they’re not, I can’t do anything about that. I can’t take control. I try and
get them together.” (Concern for the family and trying to keep the flock
together is a Bird theme).

Materia Medica - Birds

Falco

Dominated
and trapped, domination or the victim of domination

Ailments
after rape

Horrible things, sad stories affect
her, worries that something bad will happen, and a sense of having no shield

Fear
in family settings, lacking control in life, chaos when control is taken away

Cleaning,
order and organisation

Talons

Falco-p
is the only bird remedy covered amply in the repertory - just as Calc is the
most repertorised mollusc and Lachesis is the most repertorised snake. But
there are other birds ... I think she needs a victim bird, who fears the
talons, rather than a bird of prey.

History
of abuse, feels bad about herself after abuse, sexuality subdued.

Protective
of themselves, withdrawn from world

Feels
they have neglected their duty, and deserves reproach, remorse, mortification.

Grief
suppressed, sadness, despondence, depression, melancholy

Suppression
of anger, they console their aggressor.

Maybe
religious but not spiritual like high flying birds

Poverty,
vermin

Hands
busy, full of mindless conversation - when I speak no one hears.

Anxiety
dealing with others, timid yielding to domination

Singing

Pigeons are
survivors, they live in the city, in a flock. She wants her family to be all
together.

The physical
symptoms of tympanic abdomen, flatulence, diarrhoea, dry throat, painful
sinuses and pressure in the head – are all physical symptoms of bird remedies.

Pigeon
is in the cancer miasm and has a central issue of having been abused.

The
pigeon roosts on ledges on high buildings, or cliffs.

Prescription: Columba palumbus 30C - 1 dose daily for 5 days

Follow
up

Six
weeks later: we went to France
and I could remember places we’ve been before. You have to be observant if
you’re going somewhere unfamiliar, trying to find your way around. I remembered
where a house was that we’d been to years ago, and found it again.

The
soreness in my throat is not like it was. It dries up if I talk a lot but I
haven’t had a bad sore throat like the
one I was waking up with. Right behind my nose it was irritable, I don’t think
it’s as bad now.

There’s
not someone else on my back - it’s me thinking I’ve got to get this done. I
don’t like to feel preyed on, vulnerable, things going round in my head, trying
to find a solution.

What
kind of thing preys on someone?

A
person... men preying on vulnerable girls. Abuse. Men abuse girls.

If
you’re controlled, you’re vulnerable. That’s weakness, if you can’t face up to
situations or people, not dealing with things, no one else can do it for you.

Prescription: Columba palumbus 30C- 1 dose daily for 3 days of the month before stressful week at
work

Follow
up

Six
weeks later: doing the payroll is pressure, trying to do it right. Last time,
it was more complicated, this time it was less stressful. I’ve been wondering,
shall I give up work or shan’t I? It’s not taking me too much time, it’s the
stress I put on myself.

There’s
not been much communication with my family. My daughter has been telling me
funny things that happen at work. She seems more in control of what happens to
her.

My
son is another issue, he had a head injury. (She mentioned this before but she
doesn’t seem so worried about family problems now. She is more able to go in
and help with the family and has found ways to mediate and bring them
together).

A
friend asked me what remedy I’d taken. I told her you’ve got to have an
individual one, go to a homeopath to talk about it.

The
main difference with what you’ve given me is that things don’t drag me down in
the same way, it controls the anxiety side of things. It’s a lot better. I’m
getting there with the things I’m trying to deal with.

The
tingling in my legs is better.

I’ve
been out in the garden, doing more; before I didn’t feel like doing anything.

My
husband is going on about sorting things in the house. We’ve accumulated
things, holding on to past memories, but it clutters your head. Letting go of
them feels better.

I’m
a lot happier, it goes back to being a bit more in control of things.

Follow
ups continued for a year

This
is one of those cases where so much more unfolds after taking the remedy. There
were many disclosures and so much has been resolved as more and more came to
the surface of her awareness. What was most surprising was how well she was
able to deal with even worse situations as they came to light, after having the
remedy – despite the distressed state at our first consultation she was much
stronger and more capable emotionally.

Physical
symptoms of unease had been suppressed by inhalers and repeated medication. The
truth in the situation had been repressed for many years. When she went away
over summer and missed taking the remedy for a few months, she realised how
much it had been helping her deal with situations in her family. After the next
dose of remedy she became aware of how the symptoms of sinus and throat pain
had occurred with the need to not say anything about what had been happening.
She understood the link and stopped requesting medical tests and more
medications.

She
continues to become psychologically stronger and now shows a playful side of
her nature, singing in a choir and spending leisure time with her family. The
house is still immaculate!