because you don’t know shit about what you’re cramming down your booze hole

I’m not in the business of reviewing shitty wine. It’s just a hobby I like to partake in from time-to-time. Last night accidentally became one of those times.

I went on a wine buying spree last night, determined to create some more content for this long-stagnant blog. The mix was pretty good: several Côtes du Rhones, Pinot Noir, Sangiovese, Rioja, Malbec. The Sangiovese was lauded as “pretty good” and “drinkable”. “Hints of anise and spice” were also listed on the little card that sold this bottle to me as a value-driven wine. Well, folks, I am here to tell you I plan on defacing that card.

The Culprit

The wine poured well, it looked good. No rust color on the edges, slight violet color, but mostly red. There was no heat on the nose, and it smelled of vanilla, tobacco, and spice. I was extremely excited by this wine! In addition to those notes, it smelled a little gritty. There was a heft to the nose.

Then I made the mistake of putting the wine in my mouth. At first there was no real taste, which confused me immensely. I’m not used to that. Usually wine either tastes good, or it tastes bad. This didn’t have a taste. The tannin stuck to my tongue and just sort of sat there. The finish was bland and quick. And then I realized that this wine was incredibly sweet. A sweetness that my taste buds outright rejected. And that tannin wasn’t really tannin, it was more of a sweet residue on my tongue, destroying my palate.

Here’s the truly disheartening thing: there is indeed some anise in the mouth, and this IS a medium bodied wine. Nothing that the card said was false, in fact. Tobacco, vanilla, spice, grit. But in the least complex, most poorly structured wine I’ve ever had. I don’t think this is expressive of the Sangiovese grape at all. I understand that Sangiovese has traditionally been part of a blend due to its harsh acidity, but there’s no reason for this sweet hot mess.

Bottom Line: Undrinkable. Not a value. The card was not a liar, but it did not tell the whole truth.