If you have at any point struggled with getting pregnant, you’ll understand that there are a few things that infertile women hate hearing. You don’t even have to be infertile. If you’ve simply been trying to have kids and it’s taking a little longer than you thought it would, chances are the following phrases make your blood boil.

1)“I hate my kids.”

This expression is not meant to make a person feel terrible, but it does often make a woman struggling with infertility feel terrible. Imagine that you really desired a nice BMW, but you weren’t able to afford an expensive vehicle. Yet the friend you drove with owned a nice BMW, and always complained about how it doesn’t travel fast enough, or that the car is becoming too old, or it needs new tires. Some people would love to change those tires, and be grateful that the car at least drives, and content with the car becoming older. But they can’t own a car, and you can own a car. Something to think about!

2)“I hate being pregnant.”

Really? Well, in case you didn’t know, I’m sitting right next to you and I would love to become pregnant, you numbskull! Let’s swap places. Ladies, please don’t say this to your friends, family, or worst enemies. We know you don’t mean to cause any harm (I think) but it’s like sitting on your comfy couch scarfing down a big fat chocolate candy bar and talking about how the chocolate is not as good as the chocolate candy bar that you had tasted earlier in the daytime, when the person sitting next to you would die just to even have a tiny nibble of any kind of chocolate.

3) “Maybe you should stop trying, Elizabeth.”

Some people should be conked on the head with a flying cook pan. I mean come on, really? I should stop trying. Did you stop trying? I know you are trying your best to console us, but I believe a bit of encouragement would be better than having us give up on having kids. Try and remember how important a child is to your friend or family member before saying something discouraging.

4) “Well, I don’t want kids anyway. That wouldn’t bother me.”

Where’s my cook pan? It wouldn’t bother you. Well that’s very nice. But it bothers me, you naïve fruit loop! Wake up and smell the Captain Crunch you Lucky Charm. You can likely have sweet little menacing kids, and I cannot. Understand that I deeply desire their expensive presence. They are not like a grocery item that you shop at the store for, and then just place back on the shelf. They are living beings that derive from my very own flesh and bones. Now I feel slightly better.

5) “You don’t get your period. I am so jealous.”

Oh, my. Well at least you are trying. However, your futile attempts fall short of the goal line. I personally, and many other women out there, would happily go through any range of period pain in order to conceive children.

6) “It’s all in God’s time.”

Well, now we are getting somewhere. Not really. We learn this heavenly fact each month when we are not pregnant. Also, keep in mind that not all of us believe in the almighty. However, we empathize with your friendly attempts. Please keep in mind our theological preferences, and the proper content of the subject when relaying your divine information.

7) “Keep going. Do more and eventually you will get pregnant.”

Why had I not thought about this revelatory evidence? Because it stinks. It is just not true or encouraging to tell me stinky information. “Maybe the Gods will have favor on you, Jessica. Just trust in them.” If they are Greek Gods, maybe I will concede, but if any other western Gods are interfering with my menstrual cycle, then we will have a problem. Seriously people, please be a little more considerate and thoughtful with your brilliant analysis on the business of pregnancy and support systems on when to conceive.