Transport purge

Love them or hate them, Bankstone News’ old friends Justine Greebling and Mike Pennis were certainly transport secretary and parliamentary under-secretary at the DfT respectively. But now they aren’t. The recent ministerial reshuffle has seen both shunted off beyond the realms of transportion.

Her nimbyotic anti-business opposition to expanding Heathrow Airport across the remainder of Middlesex is widely believed to have necessitated Greebling’s removal. The same applies to her minister Theresa DeVille whose has been shuffled off to Northern Ireland, leaving the way clear for the government to conduct a rational and impartial enquiry into whether or not to do what its financial backers tell it over Heathrow.

This wholesale clear-out at Transport brings the disobliging necessity of requiring Bankstone News to learn the names of some other bunch of bastards.

Greebling’s successor as transport secretary is somebody called Patrick McGoohan, aka Mr Whippy, who was instrumental in failing to persuade 91 conservative MPs to back Lords reform recently, thereby banging what will likely prove one of the final nails into the coffin of the so-called coalition.

DeVille’s replacement is veteran smoothy Simon “Carpet” Burns, a ruddy faced natural strawberry blond who rose to notoriety by calling speaker John Bercow a “stupid sanctimonious dwarf”. Pennis’ replacement is former Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond, who takes special responsibility in his new role for buses.

It’s pretty clear this new lot spell a brighter future for the UK air transportation sector, but what will they mean for motor transport? No idea, mate!