Here’s
a quickie menh NFL preview for the 2017 season. Teams are listed in their
predicted finish in their division.

AFC
East

New
England Patriots – On top until proven otherwise. I barely have to edit this
column from year to year thanks to good quarterbacks. Unfortunately, at some
point this column does have to rate the teams in the AFC South. Even Tom Brady at
40 can win this thing

Miami
Dolphins – Isn’t Cutler an upgrade over Tannehill? I think so. I’ll keep them
in second place again this year.

Buffalo
Bills – Still haven't made the playoffs since the 2nd millennium. I
think Tyrod Taylor is criminally underrated. Such that he could get this team
to second in the division. I’m close to talking myself into flipping Miami and
Buffalo…close.

New
York Jets – Nicely entrenched in last place.

AFC
North

Cincinnati
Bengals – I’mma get risky here. I managed to predict them outside of the
playoffs last year. Let’s go with a playoff birth this year. Division champs!
Can they get past the first round of the playoffs??!! See below.

Pittsburgh
Steelers – My continuing logic on Pittsburgh is that it’s an every-other-year
kind of team. They got back on track three years ago by winning the division, but
they remained good two years ago, and the same for last year. Seems like I need
a new continuing logic. Nah, let’s stick with it. That means they’ll be “bad”
this year. So let’s put them in second place in the division and just out of
the playoffs.

Baltimore
Ravens – This is a team I love to root against after they beat the Broncos on
the road in the playoffs years ago and somehow won a Super Bowl. So regardless
of how good they are, they’re down here in third place.

Cleveland
Browns – RGIII!!!!!!!! Woooooo!!! Wait—he doesn’t play for them? Tough to keep
track of these things. Who’ve they got? They’ve got last place wrapped up at
least.

AFC
South

Tennessee
Titans – [Autotext] It's a race for last between these guys and Jacksonville
again. Who'll finish third in this division??? Oh, the excitement. [record
scratch] Wait, what? Finished 9-7 last year somehow. I think they’re
legitimately better than the other teams in this division. You’re looking at
the division champions here!

Houston
Texans – Let's put the Houston Watts and the proset offense in second in this
division. They’ve won 9 games three years in a row, last year without Watt
even.

Indianapolis
Colts – Let’s put the Indianapolis Lucks in third place. Not sure who’s on this
team, but they technically have to be better than the Jaguars, right?
Technically everybody is, right?

Jacksonville
Jaguars – They last had a winning record in 2007, and last won this division in
1999. I still assume Blaine Gabbert is their quarterback. I looked it up again
this year. It's Blake Bortles still, just like last year.

AFC
West

Oakland
Raiders – Have looked really good the past two years. Carr has got to stay
healthy, and if he does, they should take the division with 11 wins.

Denver
Broncos – I still like Siemian as their QB1. The offense can’t be any worse
than last year. Sure, the defense can be worse. But overall a better team.

Kansas
City Chiefs – At the top of this division last year and they’ve been really
good. But at some point it’s difficult to sustain really good seasons without
getting over the hump, a la Cincinnati last year. I think they take a step back
this year and miss the playoffs.

Los
Angeles Chargers – I think they’ll challenge for a playoff spot early on before
fading late. Like usual. They’ll be better than predicted, though, but this
division is too tough to make the playoffs.

NFC
East

Washington
Redskins – Every year this division seems like any one of these teams could win
it. If Kirk Cousins is brave enough to bet on himself in terms of his contract,
I should be brave enough to bet on them to take first. Let’s do this.

Philadelphia
Eagles – I hear a lot of people talking a lot of improvement for this squad.
Without knowing any of the specifics, let’s go for it.

Dallas
Cowboys – The Dallas Romos cannot make the playoffs without their signature
player. What’s that? Oh, new quarterback. They were great last year. This is
this year. I think Philly might take this division and Dallas could finish second.
But I’ve already gone all in on Cousins.

New
York Giants – Tell me again why this team will be the best in this division? I
can’t remember and it’s not 2007 or 2011. Wait—they won 11 games last year?
Hmmmm…maybe I’ve got this division upside down…

NFC
North

Green
Bay Packers – Rodgers all by himself can get it done. They're always one injury
away from a total meltdown of a season it seems. And the injury always happens
in their receiving corps. Detroit abided with a total meltdown at the end of
last season. Let’s keep GB here in first.

Detroit
Lions – Second place but no playoffs.

Minnesota
Vikings – Third place. This division seems weaker than the AFC South this year.

Chicago
Bears – I'm still not sure who's on this team.

NFC
South

Tampa
Bay Buccaneers – Is Tampa third in this division the biggest risk I'm taking in
my predictions? What if I write the word playoffs here?

Carolina
Panthers – Perhaps a little bounce-back year for the Carolina Newtons? I think
they’ll be hungry.

Atlanta
Falcons – Had a great year last year, but let’s regress them.

New
Orleans Saints – We’ve been talking about Drew Brees for a long time. And there
is still no defense. Last place.

NFC
West

Los
Angeles Rams – I called them the St. Louis Rams last year. Time to switch the
name. And make their run to the playoffs DimeBrothers official!

Seattle
Seahawks – I'm still upset about their playoff win from 7 seasons ago.
Remember? When they won 7 games and hosted a playoff game?!? I think they'll
finish second in this division with a drop-off akin to my argument about the KC
Chiefs above.

Arizona
Cardinals –They won 10 four seasons ago, 11 three years ago, 13 two years ago,
and 7 last year. Remember that video of their coach doing something stupid before
last season? It means this team is not making the playoffs this year, either.

San
Francisco 49ers – How much can they improve? Even if they improve a lot that’s
still like 6 wins. Maybe enough to overtake Arizona for third in this division,
but I’ve already got ‘em down here in 4th, so here they stay.

2nd
Round: New England, Cincinnati (gets past the first round by virtue of having a
bye!), Tennessee, Denver.

3rd
Round: Cincinnati, Denver.

NFC 1st
Round: Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Washington, Los Angeles, Seattle, Carolina.
(almost went with Philly in this last spot—it’s a tough year to predict!)

2nd
Round: Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Seattle, Carolina.

3rd
Round: Green Bay, Tampa Bay.

Super
Bowl:
Denver over Green Bay. This prediction is menh for sure!

Two
of the teams I enjoy picking most in the Super Bowl. I'm two-for-seven so far with
predicting Super Bowl winners, having predicted Green Bay (Green Bay won), then
New Orleans (the Giants of New York), then Green Bay (Baltimore), then Denver
(Seattle won), then Denver (New England won), then Denver (Denver won), then
Pittsburgh (New England). Good thing I've got a day job.