My boyfriend thinks sex is a duty

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now and everything’s been great except one thing. For the past year he’s had little or no ...

22/11/2000

Question

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now and everything’s been great except one thing. For the past year he’s had little or no interest in sex. Like every new relationship it was very intense and passionate at the beginning, but now we are at the stage of having sex about once a month (if I’m lucky!). When we do, I know he’s just trying out of duty so there’ s no pleasure in it for either of us. I’ve obviously been through the “You’re having an affair...you don’t fancy me anymore...I’m crap at sex,” etc.

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I told him how things were making me feel and that it’s something we need to talk about and solve together. I’ve got a feeling it’s been brought about by stress, as it all started in his final year of a teaching degree. He started teaching physical education at secondary level this September and of course the job required moving house. We decided that we just need time to relax, so we’ve been up to the Lake District a few times, yet still no joy!

He finally mentioned it to his GP a couple of weeks ago; who apparently seemed fairly embarrassed himself. However, the GP decided to help treat his eczema and asthma (which he’s had medication for from childhood anyway!). My boyfriend can’t explain why, as this has never happened before. So now he just wants to wait and see if his desire returns, as he’s to embarrassed to see anyone else. We’ve been waiting for a year now and its beginning to takes its toll on both of us and our relationship. Help we’re stuck!

Answer

Well, there's something very wrong with your boyfriend and sitting around waiting for something to happen is not going to help.

If his GP is too embarrassed to deal with this, then I suggest that the pair of you go for counselling at the Brook Advisory Centre for Young People. Begin by ringing their helpline on: 08000 185023.

One word of warning: please don't start thinking about getting MARRIED at the moment. With such a disparity in sexual drive between the two of you, the long-term future for your relationship must be uncertain, I’m afraid. Good luck.

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