Wife gripes online of husband

Hamilton Spectator

Dear Prudence:

A few months ago I joined an online group of like-minded people where we often discuss personal relationship problems. I have found that griping about my husband to anonymous people online is a lot better than venting my frustrations at him.

Lately my husband has also been really good at changing some of the behaviours that have always driven me up the wall, and now I finally know why. While recently using his laptop, I happened to notice him logged in as one of the members of my group! He created a fake persona and has seen every gripe I ever typed about him!

I haven’t confronted him on this, and to be honest it has been a convenient way to indirectly communicate my frustrations to him. So should I tell him I know who he is, quit the group, or just let this be?

A: I’m sure my husband would love me to follow your lead and post my complaints online instead of expressing them directly to him. Then he’d follow your husband’s example of not discussing any of this with me. Where he’d differ is the part where he logs on and reads my nagging, then dedicates himself to meeting my standards of the perfect husband.

Your situation sounds like a variation of that dreadful Pina Colada song. But I’d find your version more believable if it turned out your husband was remaking himself to please you in order to divert you from exploring the fact that most of his time online is spent looking for kinky sex partners.

It’s also possible that you haven’t paid enough attention to the male poster on this site who complains that his hypercontrolling witch of a wife doesn’t even appreciate when he makes the changes she wants.

I suggest that, to get back to face-to-face communication, you tell your online audience that your husband has undergone a remarkable transformation and you’re so moved by this that you’re going to let him know how much his efforts have meant to you. Then do so, in person, including letting your husband know you know he’s a member of your rant group.

Dear Prudence:

I’m 52, well-educated, financially secure, single with no dependents, own my home, have multiple pursuits and passions, and am happily employed part-time.

I’ve had no relationships the last many years. I met someone whom I share many interests with and he’s a vibrant, athletic, intellectual and intelligent ... 72-year-old.

I am really torn. Very drawn to him, but the age difference is an obstacle. Do you have any advice for me? Should I forget the age difference and enjoy the relationship? I have no interest in his money or anything like that — I have my own. I like him for him.

I am looking for a way to think about this but it clearly bothers me or I would have cut ties or plunged in. Help. Thank you.

A: Sure, you don’t have an endless timeline when you fall for someone in his 70s, but you’ve been alone for many years, are comfortable in that, and have suddenly found yourself happily spending time with a vibrant man much your senior.