Dear Abby: Mom and daughter disconnect over phone­answering etiquette

Thursday

Nov 22, 2012 at 12:01 AMNov 22, 2012 at 1:40 PM

DEAR ABBY: My daughter thinks if people are busy they should not answer the phone. I believe it's better to answer and tell the person you're busy and that you will return their call. Sometimes she doesn't call me back for nine hours or even the next day. Then I find out she was watching a movie or walking her dog, and didn't think my call was "important" enough to respond promptly. As her mother, if I don't hear back, I start to worry, even though she's in her 20s and married with a family.

When she calls me and I say I'm busy and will call her back, she gets mad and says I shouldn't have an­swered at all. Will you please tell us what you think? — KARI IN MONTANA

DEAR KARI: OK. I think that for your daugh­ter to keep you waiting nine hours for a return call if she can answer more promptly shows a lack of respect for your feelings. And for you to obsess that something awful might have hap­pened is a waste of your time because, trust me, bad news travels fast. It's also possible that you may be calling too often. But only you can answer that.

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DEAR ABBY: Some members of my family continu­ally ask me for money. I feel obligated because they are family and they helped me in the past. But since then, I have turned my life around.

I have a great job, a home and I'm in a serious re­lationship. T his isn' t the first time the y have asked. I have tried refusing, but they persist and after a while I feel guilty.

This is creating a rift between my girlfriend and me. She feels these family members need to take respon­sibility for their own problems and make choices to better themselves rather than rely on others to enable their bad habits. How do I put an end to this annoy­ance? — CASHED OUT

DEAR CASHED OUT: There is a difference be­tween giving people money to enable them to continue making poor choices, and giving them money if they are really in need. Because your relatives helped you when you needed money to tide you over, there is a moral obligation for you to reciprocate if they are truly in need.

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DEAR ABBY: When I met my husband he was mar­ried. I told him at first that I was not interested. But as time went on he ended up divorcing his wife. We have been together for 11 years, married for three.

The problem is his kids. They are all adults. His youngest was 15 when he left. The daughter is angry and blames me for his leaving. T his was not the first time he had left her mother. He had a child from another relationship who was conceived during one of his absences.

I am getting tired of the drama and I'm about ready to divorce him for my peace of mind. During the time we have been together he has never strayed and has always been there for me. Should we divorce? — SEC­OND WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SECOND WIFE: Heck, no! If you love your husband, stick with him. Because your husband's daughter is creating drama, he should set her straight. She may feel that he didn't love HER enough to stay, when the truth is that his mar­riage to her mother had been on the rocks for years. He should also make sure she under­stands that if she wants him in her life, she will need to make an atti­tude adjustment.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was found­ed by her mother, Pau­line Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby. com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.