Theres this guy and i just cant say no, i know he's bad for me and i shouldnt but i do it anyway, by sleeping with him. We've done it in some places im not proud of and its left me feeling really quite confued.It's happened 3 times, and each time i've found out the day after he's got a girl friend or someone who's about to be his girlfriend. The first 2 times its followed a pattern he's ignored me etc.. but i slept with him yesterday and now today he hasn't really ignored me, he has a bit but not really. He was singing on stage today and i kept catching his eye (well i think i was) and i think he might have winked at me, (his girlfriend was in the audience) and then after at the end we were packing up and he attempted to hug me but my sister was there (she knows what happened 1st time and makes it akward) and it just ended up us having a hand on each others hips and not really hugging.

I go through stages where i think i dont need him i can live without him i'm better than him etc.. then as soon as he wants me im his all over again. I dont even think i want him as in girl friend and boyfriend cause i couldnt ever trust him. He makes you alive almost and makes the places we've been exciting when looking back i cant belive i did that. All of it though has left me tired and confused almost now numb from feeling anything, i cant tell any of my friends cause they made me promised after the 1st time not to do anything with him so it leaves me quite alone in knowing what to do He is this big charachter though with all the girls wanting him and all the lads wanting to be him it does make you feel like 'omg he picked me' i know it sounds pathetic and everything but its what i always think at 1st