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Life stroy

Well, I was inspired to write my life story by a friend on daily Strength group online in hopes it does help someone in need. So here I go. Well, on July 7th, 1978 at 9:41pm in a hospital in Austin, Minnesota I was born. My parents named me Raymond C. Pickens III after my grandfather and my father. My grandfather was full blooded Cherokee Indian and my other grandparents are French Indian and Ca-nook Indian. My grandma Pickens is full blooded German. Anyways, I was born with Grand Mull Seizures (epilepsy). I have a brother Bobby Sonnenberg that is about 4 years older then me. He is from a biker that my mother was with named Mark that lived in Austin, Minnesota. My father Raymond C. Pickens II was in to drugs very bad and studied Satanic rituals from as far as I can remember. All, his and my mothers life consisted of was partying with bikers, using drugs and selling them, and my fathers Satanic life. Sometime in 1979 me and my family moved to Long Beach, Ca. To an apartment by WATTS a really bad part of Long Beach, CA at that time. I watched my older brother get his write pulled across a wire fence by some Mexican that thought it was funny to do this to him. My parent did not watch us kids very well most times. Sometime during all this I managed to run away and going into WATTS on my trike and the cops had to come and get me and bring me home. My parents had a friend Named Dan Price that lived in the apartments also which later you will here about something he did to me and my brothers. Now sometime during this time I had a bad Grand Mull Seizure and had dies in a bath tub. My mother said she ran out said and was yelling out loud that I had died and to get her some help. She was not watching me in the bath tub and during my Seizure I went under the water. The Paramedics had to bring me back to life. I was dead for about 10 Minutes before they got me to come back to life. Then on May 18th, 1980 my little brother was born. I guess you can say this is where the ignoring me and me older brother started along with the abuse that had come to follow through the many years. Sometime after that me and my family moved back to Austin, Minnesota. The partying and drug life started all over again with my father and mother. All us kids could do is live with it and deal with it all. This is when I met my god father Wade (a member of the biker gang The Sons of Silence MC), and I started spending a lot of time at the biker club house with him and the other bikers. Now if you know much about them they are into drugs, sex, violence, and all of the above. Now sometime in 1981 me and my family moved again to Dodge Center, Minnesota. Because, my father ripped off my Grandparents in Austin, Minnesota. The owned a place there called Schoenberg's Gun shop They now have went out of business (bankrupt). Anyways my father broke in there and stole a bunch of things so we had to move. We lived there for a while about 7 months or so. Then we moved again To Chester, Minnesota. That is a small trailer park outside of Rochester, Minnesota. This is where things for me and my brothers got bad, really bad. So one day I was outside playing and a guy that lived next door to us asked me what my father did for a job and at age 5 years old I know no better so I told him he sold the plant (meaning Pot). Well, he was the Sheriff and a few days later they raided my house and took all my fathers plants and took him to jail. He went to court and they released him on an R.O.R. ( released on own recon.). Anyways, when he came home I was outside playing and when I saw him I ran up to him to give him a hug and he stabbed me in the chest saying "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN YOU LITTLE FUCKER". I went to the doctors and they asked what had happened but before we got there my dad told me what to say. I told them I was in the kitchen and running with a butter knife and fell on it. I had to get 7 stitches in my chest and 5 in my stomach under the skin. A while later like a few months my father let me and my brothers get a pet rabbit and My father told me to do something cause we all were helping him build a cage for it and I told him "NO" and he hit me in the head with the back of a hammer saying "DON'T YOU EVER TALK BACK TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH". I went to the doctors and they asked what had happened and my father again told me what to say to them. I ended up with 5 Stitch es in my forehead due to that. Then a few Months later my parents let that guy Dan Price move in with us. The one that lived by us in Long Beach, CA. My parents would let him watch us kid while they ran places to do things. While Dan would watch us he would do things so bad to us and have us watch him do so many bad thing. He started by making us take showers with him and he had a game he called the wiener game. This is where he made us rub his cock with ours and touch him. As time went on he started having anal sex with his dog and making us boys watch him. I still remember the dog crying out in pain. Then he tried to have anal sex with my older brother but could not cause he was to small. He made me and my younger brother watch him try to do this. Me and my brothers told my parents and they would not believe us about what he was doing to us. When they did finally believe us Dan ran and went back to L.A. California. Law enforcement in Olmsted County said they were not going to go there and get him and they did nothing to him he got away with it. Then sometime after that my parents let my mothers friend from Austin, MN named Cindy move in with us. She moved in with us cause she was trying to get out of an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. I had my first dog and his name was Teddy. All I remember is this guy cut her break lines on her car and the worst thing. When we came home I found my dog with his dog chain rapped around his neck lying in his own poop dead, cause that guy killed my dog. I remember I cried a lot about it, thinking that people were just mean and I wanted to kill him for what he did. I remember the strong feeling of hate that had came over me. I guess this is where you can say I closed off and shut down inside for the first time. I became cold and numb inside. After this my grandmother thought it would be good for me to learn some self-defense and she got me into Martial Arts classes. This was the start of my martial art career. Now I would be about 6 and a half or so, and my family move again to Rochester, Minnesota. My father started beating my mother in front of us kids. I remember feeling so helpless cause there was nothing I could do to stop it. My father would have me and my younger brother take baths with him and social services started suspecting abuse involving us kids and my parents. Me and my brothers started running away from home, and got into a crowd of older kids that had us steal things for them and got us into smoking cigs. I started school and was suspended for an incident with another girl in the bath room at school. We snuck into the bath room and got naked and laid on top of each other and call this sex. A teacher found us this way so we got suspended for it. After the suspension a few days after I got back into school older kids started messing with me and I tried to stand up for myself and the beat me up bad. I went into a seizure they beat me so bad. I got suspended again for fighting. Now I turned 8 years old and my family moved again to Jackson, Mississippi and moved in with my grandma Pickens. My grandma Pickens would not let us kids sleep inside her house so she made us sleep outside on her porch. I still remember how cool it was out there at night. It just chilled ya to the bone. We started going to school there, now there whites, and black did not talk to each other. Being from Minnesota I did not know this and I was talking to a black kid and a few days later I would get beat up by a bunch of white kids for this. This was the start of a bad school history there. I got mad and the next day I brought a knife o school and tried to stab the kid that beat me up. Of course I was suspended again for that. In Mississippi the school paddled you when you did something wrong or out of line so need less to say I got it a lot for fighting and talking back to them ass hole teachers and principal. Finally my family moved out of my grandma Pickens house and into a house in town there. We had a pond out back with snapping turtles in the pond. It was nice. My younger brother one day made me mad so I soaked the swing set and made him get up ( standing on the swing and pushed him down) now my dad made the swing set him self and there was wire sticking out on the swing, so my brother got one of them wires way up in his arm and had to go to the doctor to get it taken out. I remember the feeling of gratification of what I did. I was happy inside I hurt my own brother, that was so wrong for me to be that way and feel that way about it. Like I said years before I just went numb inside. My mother one day took us with her so she could get somethings done and my younger brother was in the front seat with NO seat belt and my mother did not get the door closed and took off fast and my brother fell at 30mph onto the road. He was all cut up on his arms and face. I also remember a time while we were there we were at a beach and my grandma Pickens through me into the water to teach me to swim. I almost drown after this we were on the beach and I walked into a fire ant pile and got them all over me. my parents had to take me to the water a get them off. I remember how bad it hurt when they were biting me all over it was bad. There was a girl that lived by us and she had a 4 wheeler and would take me for rides all the time. She was my first girlfriend and the real first girl I had ever touch naked. She was the first person I think I had feelings for in a really long time. We were young but I don't think I will ever forget her. After a while later my family moved back to Rochester, Minnesota I was about 8 years old. My older brother Bobby went crazy and tried to commit suicide so the state of Minnesota locked him up until he was 18 years old from this point on. I did not see him but maybe 4 time until he was 18 years old. The visits were in a treatment center in Wisconsin. Me and my younger brother stated hanging out with the local gangs and hanging out in a bar called Chicks in Rochester, Minnesota. We got into the wrong crowd and they got or you can say talked me and my brother to steal for them. We started to run wild. Running away from home, fighting, drinking, and so on. My father beat my mother so bad one time around this time she had to go to the doctors. I tried to stop him and he turned on me and beat me also. We had to stay at a woman's shelter for about a week. My father went to jail for doing what he had done. At about 9 years old we moved across for the East side Bar in Rochester, Minnesota and my father got into selling cocaine with the guy that lived across the road from us. This guy had a daughter named Tessa and a son named JR that I would play with. I really liked Tessa and we fooled around a little. Well as much as kids would, well I guess more then that. Me and my brother still were running very wild and not following the law really ever. Sometime around this time I was hanging out with the biker gang the sons of silence and I watched them tape a guy to a couch, put something in his mouth, pour gas on him and start him on fire cause he stole some drugs from them. I still remember the guys scream's as he sat there burning to death. It was the most scare point of my life so far. All I could do is watch and let this happen. My father was there also when this happened. That day was the first time I tried Cocaine myself and I remember the way I felt. I felt so free inside and on such a rush. I still have nightmares about what had happened to that guy. I have only told a hand full of people this and had only cried about it twice. When it happened and many years later drinking with my second wife about the second day after we met. When I was about 10 years old I was at the club house with my father and the bikers there took a guy and dragged him behind a motorcycle until he died. I remember seeing his skin hanging off his bones and all I could think is how could someone do this to another person. You never talked about this stuff cause then well it could be you at the hand of them guys. At about 11 years old my father left my mother for another woman and moved to Las Vegas, NV with her. I took this very hard and lashed out at the world. Started skipping school, using drugs and running away from home, and robbing people, and so much more. I became what I was so afraid of being as a person. One day I ditched school with my brother and a friend and we went downtown to hang out and we were walking by a parking ramp. A guy jumped and fell right in-front of us. I watched as his brains came out of his head and his body twitched so much. I remember thinking way would someone do this to themselves. It was so horrible to do to yourself. So, messy and a messed up way to end things for yourself. Well, anyways I ended up getting suspended for all the schools they put me in and was put in a school called Burr Oak. This is a school for the worse of the worse kids. The teachers would hit you if you got out of line then lock you up in a booth for the day. I can say this drove me insane in its self. So, you can say I acted out even worse then I had ever in my life there. For the next year I was placed all over the judicial system in Foster homes, Shelters, Halfway houses, J.D.C. centers, Mental hospitals, and Drug rehab centers.

While I was going through all of this my mother met a guy named Todd and he molested me when I was 14 years old while taking me back to a foster home after a home visit. Todd was gay before he met my mother and was since he was a kid. There was 7 other kids he molested. About a year after that I tried to commit Suicide but failed at that. This would be my start of many failures in my life. I tried to commit suicide 4 more times all failing attempts.

Todd was convicted for all the molestations but about a year later my mother can to the treatment center I was at and said she was marrying him and that she deserved to be happy. Then asked me if I would want to be at the wedding. Of course not, That is when I lost touch with the rest of my family. At least my mother. When I was 18 years old the government kicked me out on the streets saying that I was 18 now and they do not fund for kids that old. I could not go home ether. So I turned to the biker gang and joined them. For many years later they were my family, at least the only real family I know. They took me in and helped me get on my feet. All I had to do is run drugs for them. I did until the Rochester Police gave me a scare in the summer of 1999 by blocking of the area around my house and raided my place. I got a heads up before they came so I got all the drugs out of there, but that could have put me away for a really long time. In 1998 I married my first wife and we decided to have a baby. She got prego. and a few months later like 6 or 7 I came home from work and she was in bed with her ex-boyfriend. I snapped and beat him up with a lead pipe until he stopped moving. All while he was still inside her. He now has permanent brain damage and will never not need a doctors assistance for the rest of his life. I can remember that satisfaction I felt when the cops came for what I had done to him. You do not mess with another mans wife, even more when she has your child inside of her. I do regret doing what I did now. Now I am on my second wife and that is going sourer due to all my mental health problems. Also, her son molested my daughter that was 7 years old at the time. That changed things between me and my step son forever. I have came from so much crap, but as I see it I am a better person today for all of that crap. A stronger person inside. Well, that's my life and some of the past. at least all I want to talk about. Some of it was so bad I still do not talk about it. Hope this can help someone out there. Feel free to add me to your friends list. Now I am a Lutheran and follow faith to its fullest. That is all I really have going for me in my life right now. Anyways god bless friends and keep well.

I am speechless. I can't even imagine the pain that you have had to deal with. After reading your history, it makes me appreciate the small things in my own life that I have been blessed with. It makes me happy to know that you have faith - because I don't know what else could possibly touch your heart or begin to heal your pain other than God. I do believe that what we go through in life is getting us ready for something higher. I hope that through what you've been through you can touch other people's lives to help them heal. If you haven't been through something, then you really can't relate, but you seem to have been through quite a bit. LOL

schools are still full of kids going through a lot of the same things. But they feel as if they are all a lone in this big ole world. HAve you concidered speaking at schools, mainly to the younger kids to help them to reach out.
Were these murders you seen ever any arrest made. Because these men were someones sons, grandsons, brother, uncles etc.... Someone needs to pay!

Yes some of them went to jail, the others involved didn't go though. Don't think they all ever did pay for the things they did. I have spoke at some high schools already and did a thing on our local news station as well.

It really takes a lot of strength and courage to share those things and I give you a lot of credit for doing so. I am so glad you shared that,you are a true survivor.Keep up the good work! You are a true inspirations that no matter how bad things can get there is always something to live for!!!! Hats off to you!!!

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

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