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David Ross' concussions, the death of Ryan Freel, and the contemplation of life after baseball

Mike Cameron, David Ross

San Diego Padres' Mike Cameron (25) arrives safely at home plate as he collides with Cincinnati Reds catcher David Ross, left, after a Khalil Greene single in the third inning of their baseball game Sunday, Aug. 12, 2007, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Tony Tribble)

You just wonder, sometimes you just wonder. What are you doing this for?" — David Ross

SEATTLE – A couple of days after Christmas, Red Sox catcher David Ross went east from his home in Tallahassee, Fla., to Jacksonville, where Ryan Freel was laid to rest.

The two were teammates in Cincinnati from 2006-08, but they knew each other growing up in Florida too. They played together on a Junior Olympic team as teens. Freel went to a community college in Tallahassee, and that led to mutual friends.

"We hung out on off days sometimes; our kids played together," Ross said of their time with the Reds. "They were about the same age. My daughter was young. It just, it just stinks, man. Good guy. Real good guy; played the game hard."

Freel, 36, died of a self-inflicted gun wound on Dec. 22. He was hard-nosed enough to make Pete Rose proud, and that led to multiple concussions. He also suffered from depression.

Steve Givens, now the athletics director at Chipola Junior College, was an area scout for the Braves in the early '90s. Givens scouted both boys, and stayed close with Ross long after his pro-ball days were over.

Five days a week in the offseason – six days a week when the season is approaching – Givens throws Ross batting practice at a nearby high school.

"It's just right down the road from his house," Givens said. "Cage is lighted, covered cages. It's not indoors, however, and it does get cold in northern Florida. So we hit on some cold nights."

The day before Freel's funeral, held two days after Christmas, they hit, and you imagine it was cold. The day after Freel's funeral, they hit.

Ross is almost exactly one year younger than Freel. Come December, he will be the same age Freel was at his death.

"It rattled David," Givens said. "I mean, it bothered him. I talked to him. We hit the day after Ryan's funeral. I was not able to go. And so we talked about the funeral, and I know that he was bothered by that."

In mid-June, Ross was asked by a reporter in Baltimore about his relationship with Freel, during the same series in which Ross suffered his second concussion of the season. He didn't know that at the time – Ross said he thought he was fine.

He wasn't, of course. He's on the 60-day disabled list now. But in the long run, there is every reason to believe Ross will be just fine.

His return this season is fully expected. On Tuesday, he's due in Pittsburgh to meet with concussion specialist Michael Collins, and he is already participating in light activities.

"He began to throw. He's doing some light lifting," Sox manager John Farrell said Sunday. "He's doing some exercise on stationary equipment. He'll get more of a read on what the next steps are after Tuesday. But we don't have a timetable on when he would return to us."

Ross is not Freel. That's essential to remember.

But for someone who can probably go on to do anything in this game after he's done playing – manage, coach, join a front office – there was a distinct fear raised by Freel's passing.

The concussions are scary, yes. But that wasn't Ross' first thought.

What do you play this game for? What happens at the end of your career when the lights go out and you're left with your family and yourself?

"You just wonder," Ross said, "sometimes you just wonder. What are you doing this for? If you ... I don't know. You play this game, and you do it because you love it. And then when it's all over, you figure you're going to sit back and enjoy the hard work. That's what's in my mind: You're going to sit back and enjoy it.

Cincinnati Reds' David Ross, left, is greeted by Ryan Freel (6) after scoring on Ross' pinch-hit home run during the ninth inning of a baseball game against the Houston Astros on Friday, June 2, 2006, in Houston. The Reds defeated the Astros 14-3. (AP Photo/Dave Einsel)

"You talk with your family and your wife, and you think about this game and how blessed you are to play this game, and to make the money we make. And toward the end of the career, you start thinking about what you're going to do after baseball. How much easier things will be as far as stress level. He had kids and I have kids now. They don't have to travel around and put up with dad being gone."

***

Ross did wonder about the concussions, too. The long-term effects, and what, if anything, has been learned from Freel's death.

Freel's brain tissue samples were sent to Boston University's Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy. Football players and boxers have been studied before, but little research has been done directly on tissue samples of baseball players.

"I don't think (my concussion) was as bad," Ross said. "I don't think (Freel) ever got really truly diagnosed and it wasn't as big of a deal then. It definitely crept into my head: I don't want any lingering effects. I had one where I lost my memory for a day (in 2007). My helmet came off, I got ran over at the plate by Mike Cameron. My head hit home plate. I still don't have the memory. I've heard the stories and watched the video, but I don't remember from about breakfast that day until about 9 o'clock that night."

There are no clear-cut answers from Freel's death. Not yet.

"It's under way right now," Freel's stepfather Clark Vargas said Monday. "They haven't talked to the family yet and that won't happen for about another month, month and a half. They have to go through the analysis. They do a lot of checking before they publish anything, and before they do that, they need to talk to the family first."

Vargas and the rest of Freel's family want some good to come from his death. "That's what this is all about," he said.

What makes Freel's case potentially unique is how the concussions might have exacerbated or affected any mental disease. Freel's circumstances are, of course, unique to him. But maybe the mental disease was worsened by the concussions.

"When the concussions happen, there's certain death of certain cells," Vargas said of his understanding. "So the brain is not fully functional when injured. There is a physical change of the brain, in the way that you process brain functions. That is what has got to be determined. And then if it is, (Freel) would be a case study as to somebody who has been very well documented as having that disease plus depression. Then we would go from there."

A case can be made that catchers are more susceptible to concussions than anyone on the field. Home-plate collisions are obvious, but foul tips are believed to be the cause of both of Ross' concussions this year. Eighteen-year major league backstop and current Padres special assistant Brad Ausmus was diagnosed with a concussion just once, when he was run over by former Red Sox outfielder Scott Podsednik.

He didn't worry much about foul tips, though.

"It certainly can be loud. It can jar your head back," Ausmus said. "There are times where I've had my bell rung and it makes you foggy for a split second."

Gary Bennett, a 13-year major league catcher who believes he has had more than five concussions, would likely tell Ausmus those foul tips were actually tiny concussions. During his own career, Bennett visited Collins, the Pittsburgh specialist whom Ross will visit again Tuesday.

"From what they were telling me in Pittsburgh, any time you get a foul tip and you see stars, there are different degrees of concussion," Bennett said, "and that could be considered a very minor concussion."

Bennett doesn't think he's seen any ill effects of the concussions in his post-playing life, although he joked that his wife tells him he's losing his memory. Still, it's a fear: He's 41, and he knows he's had several.

Givens, Ross' batting-practice pitcher and friend, tells Ross all the time he could do whatever he wants in this game when it's over. Ross went to the Red Sox draft room in June just to check it out, so he is thinking ahead.

Ross is grounded and always has been. He goes to Florida State football games in the offseason with Jeff Mathis, the Marlins' catcher, and no one recognizes them. He's a family man, and he's been steady his whole life.

In short, he has it together.

"I think he's been exceedingly grateful for his time in the big leagues, but understands that it's a finite career, that it won't go on forever," Givens said. "Do I think that David's departure from the major leagues, when that time comes, is going to be some sort of traumatic event to him? I don't."

Ross should have a brilliant post-playing career ahead of him. He is indeed recovering well from his concussions.

But the question of what can be learned from Freel's death will linger until that study is finished. As for the question of what comes next — Ross knows he's not too far from that point.

"Naturally, by my age, there are rarely guys who are in here that are playing the game who are 40," Ross said. "I'm 36 on a two-year deal. I'm getting to the back end, obviously. I'm going to play this game as long as I can be successful. But it definitely enters your mind like, 'Man, I wonder.' There's got to be something going on maybe with the concussion thing. I know (Freel) played hard. I know they're studying some things."