“I still don't know if things fit together, or if everything will be all right in the end. But I believe that something means something. I believe in cleansing the soul through fun and games. I also believe in love. And I have several good friends, and just one bad one.” — Erlend Loe

No to repeat myself too much, I am only saying that couple of years ago I was in a deep black hole. It was so black, that everything seemed hopeless. Though it wasn’t that hopeless anymore if you compare to the time when I literally had no money to buy food. Compared to that everything so quite good and it would have seemed really wrong to complain. And I wasn’t really complaining anymore either, I was swallowing my “happy bills” and doing my own thing, but deep inside I still felt useless and broken. There was no light in the end of the tunnel.

It was the time when Ida was going to her Lillehammer nursery for the final times, which made me sad. I saw how she had just made some friends and finally started to understand the environment we were in and the language we speak, when we were about to move back to Estonia and turn everything upside down. Again. Moving back to Estonia made me scared. I did miss my friends and family when we were in Norway, but part of me felt more being a Norwegian rather than Estonian. I was confused. I didn’t know where do I belong, who I am or what I will be doing. It was our last night in Lillerhammer. Ida was playing with funny, cute and fluffy plasters that Pernille had giver her as a farewell present.

Honestly, I had no intention or confidence to start doing my own thing again once we return back to Estonia, but something pushed me to write to Cuddly Plasters. I wasn’t expecting a reply, but they answered to me quite quickly and were very positive. I was stunned and surprised. Until that point last couple of years had not bring the best news to me. About a month later I met Ann-Sofie and Shama in Stockholm. The attitude these two women had towards me gave me tears by the end of our meeting. Why did they believe in me? Why did they agree to cooperate with me? They didn’t know me, they had only received two emails from me and we had had one meeting. On top of it, I had no finances and wasn’t able to place big orders. They just believed in me. The believed and trusted a stranger. Before them, only Satu had trusted me the same way when she went by her gut feeling and opened her heart and home to me (and my family).

I think back to that meeting in Stockholm quite often. That was a big breaking point in my life. It brought back the hope, though I must admit after received decline after a decline for nearly two years, I wanted to stop and give many times. Stop fooling myself and others, stop hoping and believing. Ann-Sofie and Shama didn not end our cooperation, they believed in me more that I did myself. Without realizing it, with their patience they were my support on the hardest time. They made me feel that I am not yet a “middle-aged failure” but if there is hope, anything s possible.

This year, the breakthrough finally came I signed two sale and marketing contracts. Part of me was scared and didn’t want to sign the papers as I didn’t have any spare money for the orders. But the other part felt that I need to try, I need to find the courage, I need to. And I signed those contracts not even daring to think what does this all actually mean. I believe, that fear might seem ridiculous to so many people, but not so long ago, I had almost lost everything and had only just stood up again and rebuilt my self-esteem. In that situation, even the smallest amount of money, that I didn’t have and came from the family budget, felt like a total roulette. I have never had luck in gambling.

Maybe I am being too positive too early, because all these contracts and obligations make me feel stressed, under pressure (maybe that is why we are constantly nagging with Marek recently) and scared, but the same time exited too. At the minute I can say that after two years of trying, hoping and wanting to quit, you can find Cuddly Plasters in every Apotheka branch and soon in SüdameApteek as well. This would have not been possible without all of the 1317 followers and supporters in Cuddly Plasters’ Facebook page and put “like” to it. I am so grateful that I even can’t put it in words. I am not good in expressing my feelings and here I have a lot to learn from Ann-Sofie and Shama. I hope they will teach me even more. I would like to grow bigger and better. Bigger inside. Bigger on my achievements.

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I still don't know if things fit together, or if everything will be all right in the end. But I believe that something means something. I believe in cleansing the soul through fun and games. I also believe in love. And I have several good friends, and just one bad one.

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I still don't know if things fit together, or if everything will be all right in the end. But I believe that something means something. I believe in cleansing the soul through fun and games. I also believe in love. And I have several good friends, and just one bad one.