quadriceps tendon

As long as I can remember, I have had a fear of heights. Even looking out the window of a tall building filled me with dread and I could never stand mountaintops, despite the fact that the ground was solid beneath my feet. For years, this fear had no real basis (beyond the obvious fact that falling can be hazardous to one’s health). However, back in 2009 my fear finally had a personal and solid basis: I fell from my roof, tearing my quadriceps tendon. This resulted in a long adventure of recovery and reinforced by desire to avoid heights.

A month or so ago, I noticed that my roof was well covered in leaves and I had also decided that covering my skylights with solar screens would help with my energy bill. Dealing with these things required, obviously enough, getting on the roof. I set up the ladder and got everything together (so as to minimize my trips up and down the ladder). When I first tried to go up the ladder, I paused for a second as my tendon twitched in recollection of what had happened before. Or so it seemed-it might have merely been a trick of the mind. Once I was on the roof, I was mostly fine. Getting back down (which is how I had fallen before) was something of a challenge. I looked at the ground, then the ladder, then went down cautiously. I noticed that I had stopped breathing when I reached the ground. I had, however, gotten back on that horse…or rather, roof.

Interestingly enough, although I always dread flying once I am in the air I am fine. I even try to get window seats and look out during take offs and landings. This probably ties into my masochistic tendencies developed from running and being a graduate student. I suspect that I am also not as worried because flying still feels somewhat unreal to me. Or, perhaps, it is that odd emotional disconnection I always feel when I am in a vehicle: I know I am “there”, but it feels like I am somehow just observing rather than being truly present. Or maybe I’m just a bit crazy.

On September 3, 2009 I had what I hoped would be my last follow up visit for my quadriceps tendon repair surgery. Unfortunately, I’ll have to go back again. The following dialogue nicely explains the situation:

Friend: “So, I hear you had your last appointment. Ready to start winning races again?”

Me: “Well, it was supposed to be my last. Now I have to go back for another x-ray and follow up. Also, I won’t be winning anything for a while, unless it is for ugliest running style. Or, rather, hobble-jogging style.”

Me: “What? No. heterotopic ossification is when bones form in soft tissue. In my case, I’ve got some tiny bone nodules in the soft tissue above the knee. Anyway, being gay would be ‘homo’ and not ‘hetero.'”

Friend: “Your knee is gay and has a bone?”

Me: “Okay, that is wrong on numerous levels. Let me try again. Neither me nor my knee are gay. I have bits of bone tissue that grew in the soft tissue.”

While the world is awash in major events (most of them bad), my big event for the day is that I was able to run (slowly) for 32 minutes. I could have run more, but have gotten sensible in my old age.

While I still have quite a ways to go on my road to recovery from the quadriceps tendon repair surgery, being able to actually run was quite a milestone for me. I had been working up to it by hobble-jogging 100-600 yards at a time, but finally felt ready to do an actual run. So I did.

The last time I ran was 3/26/2009 so it has been a while. I was pleased to find that my endurance is actually quite good. While 32 minutes is not much of a run, I felt surprisingly strong despite the lack of running. Naturally, I credit this to the fact that I used an exercise bike starting right after my injury and then added water running as soon as I was able to do so. As such, I can say that doing these things really do help keep a person’s cardio conditioning going. I’m fairly sure that I have lost speed and endurance, but have not really put either to the test. I plan to run a 5K next week, mainly as a social run rather than as a competition. I’ve won the race before, but I do not foresee that happening this year. I’m hoping to achieve an honorable finish (that is, stay running the whole race).

Like this:

The fall that tore my quadriceps tendon gave me my worst injury ever. I can’t say that it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but I can say that it seems to be one of the top bad things. Not surprisingly, it has had quite an impact on my life.

On the negative side, I’ve been unable to run since March 26. Since I’ve been a competitive runner since I was 15 and even went about 23 years without missing a day, the lack of running has been rather unpleasant. I have been biking and even have worked up to pool running. But, land running is but a memory at this point.

Also on the negative side is a new fear I have-whenever I am moving about, I almost always feel a faint dread of falling. This really hits me on stairs, causing me to grip the rails and go up one stair at a time. Sure, I am just being cautious, but I do not like that feeling. It has faded as I have grown stronger, but it still lurks in the shadows of my mind.

On the positive side, I have learned that I can handle this sort of adversity and focus on doing what it takes to recovery. I really had no doubt about this, but it is one thing to believe and another to know.

The injury has also given me a chance to rest and recovery-something I have rarely been willing to do. Perhaps this will actually turn out to help me in the long run. In addition, I have had to add new things to my workout routines such as swimming, weight lifting, and so on. Ironically, in some ways I am more fit than ever. Of course, what remains to be seen is how well all this non-running exercise translates into running.

I’ve long been a calm person who has had a talent for putting things in perspective. Of course, I was not always that way. In fact, as a kid I could have quite a temper. I found that the injury reinforced my calmness and sense of perspective. After all, minor things seem all the more minor in comparison. That is one useful thing about a bad injury-lesser things are put in their proper perspective.

I cannot, obviously enough, say that I am glad I fell. But, I think that I have done well with the situation and have turned it to my advantage. That said, I would not recommend a serious injury as a means of building character.

Like this:

I’m now in week 14 of my recovery from quadriceps tendon repair surgery. I have made considerable progress since then: I can walk, pedal my exercise bike (with both legs), and (sort of) do my Tae Kwon Do forms. Oddly enough, I have started feeling a bit worse about my situation. I suspect it is because now I can do most normal things once again, it makes it even clearer what I cannot do. I still cannot run, I still have problems with stairs, and I’m fairly slow getting around.

In a few weeks I’ll be able to start a pool running program. That is, I’ll be able to put on the Aqua Jogger and run in place in the pool. I haven’t tried this before, but people say that it is excellent exercise…and painfully boring. After that, I should be able to start running again-although it will be on flat ground and very slowly. I’m looking forward to returning to racing-although I’m sure I’ll be wicked slow at the start. Fortunately, I started out as a really slow runner-so this will be a return to familiar territory. Having been there before, I know I can work my way back to speed again. Or so I hope.

Although the world is awash in events, I don’t have the time to write a proper blog. I started teaching my summer class today and it was great to be back to that. I did teach a while after returning from my quadriceps tendonsurgery, but that was at the end of the semester. It even seemed a bit surreal-hobbling about in a brace with my leg wrapped in bandages, talking about Kant, the ethics of video games, truth tables and liberty.

So, some quick thoughts:

Michael Jackson: Cool music, creepy fellow…too bad he’s dead.Bernie Madoff: 15o years…will they keep his corpse in prison? If so, who gets to be his cell mate?Iran: A tiny recount that will amount to nothing. Any hanging chads?Billy Mays: Who will sell us our Oxiclean? Is that ShamWow guy out of prison yet?North Korea: Still crazy, after all these years.Firefighters’ Suit: 5 to 4 ruling goes against her, but shows she’d fit in just fine…at least in the 4.Sanford: Should call William Shatner to negotiate a cheap one way flight to Argentina.