Game Theory Secrets for Parents

Can't get your children to eat their vegetables or clean up their toys? Game theory offers some solutions.

Can't get your children to eat their vegetables or pick up their toys? Try game theory strategies for parents. WSJ contributor Jennifer Wallace joins Lunch Break with Tanya Rivero with some tips and tricks. Photo: iStock/kolinko_tanya

The party is over, and you're down to the last bit of cake. All three of your children want it. If you're familiar with game theory, you might think of the classic strategy in which one person cuts the cake and the other chooses the slice. But how do you divide it three ways without anyone throwing a fit?

Game theory is, in essence, the science of strategic thinking—a way of making the best decision possible based on the way you expect other people to act. It was once the domain of Nobel Prize-winning economists and big thinkers on geopolitics, but now parents are getting in on the act. Though game theory assumes, as a technical matter, that its players are rational, it applies just as well to not-always-rational children.

ENLARGE

Game theory can work to get kids to eat food they might otherwise refuse.
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A key lesson in game theory, says
Barry Nalebuff,
a professor at the Yale School of Management, is to understand the perspective of the other players. It isn't about what you would do in another person's shoes, he says; it's about what they would do in their shoes. "Good game theory," he says, "appreciates the quirks and features that make us unique and takes us as we are." The same could be said of good parenting.

So how to deal with the problem of dividing a piece of cake into three equal shares? Try this: After the first child cuts and the second one chooses, each child further cuts his or her own slice into thirds. The third child then chooses a third of a slice from each plate. It might get messy, but all three should feel fairly treated.

Here are a few more practical, game theory-based solutions to everyday parenting challenges.

The Pickup Dilemma: It's time to clean up, but neither of your kids will budge.
Kevin Zollman,
an associate professor of philosophy at Carnegie Mellon University, suggests applying what's known as the repeated prisoners' dilemma, a "tit for tat" strategy, to make cleanup more palatable. Instead of saying, "Put your toys away," Prof. Zollman says you may get better cooperation if you go one toy at a time: One child puts a toy away, then the other puts a toy away; repeat until the room is cleaned.

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You can also try having the children alternate days instead. The trick is to keep the game going—or else the pact will come undone, and no one will want to be the last to clean up. Then you'll be back to cleaning up yourself.

The Kale Conundrum: The father of a picky eater I know uses a clever tactic to get the child to eat a variety of foods. When he puts one type of food on his son's plate, the child often refuses it. But if he ups the initial price to four different foods, his son will eat two, feeling that he's "won" the negotiation by eating only half of what's asked.

Credible Punishments: In game theory as in parenting, you have to deliver on your threats, like actually turning off the TV if you said you were going to, even if it punishes you too.
Joshua Gans,
an economist at the University of Toronto and the author of "Parentonomics," offers advice for gaining a credible reputation at home. When his children were young and would disobey, he would say, "I'm thinking of a punishment." It's much easier to pretend to think of a punishment than to come up with a new one every time, he notes—or, worse, to issue a noncredible threat in the heat of the moment. ("That's it, I'm canceling Christmas!") Once he earned his credibility, he found that he had only to close his eyes and count to 10, and his children would spring into action.

The Bedtime Ultimatum: For shortening the bedtime routine with several children to tuck in, one parent advises using an ultimatum game of take-it-or-leave-it. Before bed, just have the children play rocks, paper, scissors and allow the winning child to choose the book. If the others don't agree with the choice, no one gets a story.

Sleep Training 101: Game theory can work from the earliest days of parenthood. Prof. Nalebuff applies the concept of backward induction to help new mothers get some sleep. If a mother repeatedly gets up in the middle of the night with the child, he explains, eventually the child will only respond to the mother comforting him. Instead, mothers should look forward and reason backward: If you ever want your husband to get up in the middle of the night, then you have to get him involved at the very start. Everyone, it seems, needs to be sleep trained.

Even if the game doesn't work out as planned, these strategies can teach valuable lessons.
William Poundstone,
the author of the new book "Rock Breaks Scissors: A Practical Guide to Outguessing and Outwitting Almost Everybody," recounts a story told to him by the renowned game theorist Merrill Flood. Flood needed one of his three teenage children to baby-sit a younger sibling. All three wanted the work, so Flood held a reverse auction that would give the job to the lowest bidder.

Flood warned, however, that a reverse auction could lead to a bidding war and a winner's curse—a price so low that the job wouldn't be worth taking, says Mr. Poundstone. To avoid this outcome, the three bidding teens were allowed to negotiate with each other and come to an agreement ahead of the auction.

Despite the warning, a bidding war ensued, and the job went for a measly 90 cents. Flood got a couple of things out of this game, says Mr. Poundstone: He taught his children about cooperation, and he saved money on baby sitting.

Professor Bernd Schauenberg was a big fan of #gametheory at the FU Berlin in the 90's. I love the examples. Thanks Jennifer Breheney Wallace for posting this. I can imagine, kids will eat a lot more veggies now, thanks to you, :) The mating world for animals or #Dating #world is a game or negotiation.

We feature some of this theory #Manhattandatingproject, where experts analyze why a date goes wrong and how dating is a "numbers game" for some.

Idle threats are the devil's workshop for parents. Absolutely the worst thing you can do. Loved the counting. We did it we a wooden spoon in hand and a count to three. A tap one time on the elder's tush and from the then on, never made it to three with either before the behavior stopped.

Being old, I still remember spankings and mostly I remember realizing me that the birthday spankings from my friends (a tradition which may be lost) hurt more than my father's. I told him so and he stopped. "I guess you've grown up. Fine, you can stay in every afternoon for a month" And he meant what he said. I still kick myself for my stupidity. But then I was 11.

My solution to the cutting the cake problem? Dad cuts the cake in 3 roughly equal peices and tells each kid "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit". If child A complains that child B or child C got a bigger peice, tell child A "that's because we love child B (or child C) best". Of course, this approach works best if you can rotate through which kid you tell the other(s) you love best.

This phrase addresses the underlying allegation of unfairness by your kids and teaches them that (news flash) Life is not always fair. In fact it is USUALLY not fair (in the sense that every kid gets exactly equal resources provided to him or her), and while your parents will make reasonable efforts to provide love and support to each kid, we're not going to go crazy trying to make everything exactly equal. Now sit down and eat the peice of cake you have in front of you.

This is such drool! Seriously, game theory for parenting? Wouldn't be simpler to just be a parent. In short, kids are supposed to listen to their parents - all the time. If you start with that premise and stick to it there won't be a need for games and negotiating. I mean do we really believe negotiating with a 6 year old is helpful. This is why most kids are senseless and think rules don't apply to them. 7th Place Soccer Trophy anyone?

This story initially piqued my interest, but is more along the along the lines of parenting like "if you don't do ____ I'm going to count to three", and so on. What a cop out. Just parent. Plain and simple. You don't need politically correct games to do so. By that I mean teach right from wrong, how to conduct one's self, and, at the end of the day, put parenting first, not being their friend.

The Pickup Dilemma: A much easier solution - "You have ten minutes to pick up the toys you want to keep".

After that, put everything remaining un-picked up in a plastic garbage bag and stash it somewhere unreachable for a few weeks or months. Or if you feel up to it, actually take them to goodwill or someplace similar and dispose of them permanently.

"Despite the warning, a bidding war ensued, and the job went for a measly 90 cents. Flood got a couple of things out of this game, says Mr. Poundstone: He taught his children about cooperation, and he saved money on baby sitting."

Might work for that scenario...but : Do I really want to train my children to be "low bidder"?

The cake cutting problem is fairly easy to solve. Kid 1 cuts a slice out. Kid 2 either takes that slice, or can take part of the remaining cake. Kid 3 then splits remaining cake, and either Kid 1 or 2 chooses their piece (depending on what happened with the first slice). Kid 3 gets what remains.

All cuts are motivated to be fair, otherwise the cutter would end up with less than one third.

So how to deal with the problem of dividing a piece of cake into three equal shares? Try this: After the first child cuts and the second one chooses, each child further cuts his or her own slice into thirds. The third child then chooses a third of a slice from each plate. It might get messy, but all three should feel fairly treated.

I have two solutions, none that are politically correct. 1. Wrap up the cake and save it for some other time. My mom has pieces of cake in her freezer from when I was a child (not really). When you accumulate 3 slices you can have a party. 2) I the parent will cut the cake and if you don't like your slice then don't worry, you won't be eating cake for a long time.

A little bit of both worlds help. Kids need the discipline, so you have you be stern, even if that means a spanking for truly outrageous behavior. But, kids also need to learn how to negotiate so they can grow up to negotiate a good deal on a new car or a better raise.We use some of these techniques at home and they do work. However, I do not like sleep training; the current system benefits me immensely!

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