Monday, July 1, 2013

Ghostbusters lesson 74: Fuck ghosts, fuck slime, fuck copyright laws.

The Ghostbusters are amazing, they save the world, they wear fashionable jumpsuits, Peter Venkman is on the top five list of my heroes right up there with Bill Murray.

For the kids the movies were fun, and the older kids who are at times called adults can enjoy the adventure aspects that thrilled them when they were five, and reciting the lines they have been yelling with their friends from their times in OshKosh B'gosh jumpers to years later when they wear a whole wardrobe bought with their own money.

These older kids can also enjoy all of the dark and sexual humor in the Ghostbuster movies they may not have caught when they were 5 years old and wondering if they could fit a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR when the movie was done.

Humor such as when Ray Stanz gets a blowjob from a ghost.

Or that other sexual experience with the nether dimension.

Remember that pink slime from Ghostbusters 2, the stuff that when you were coated with it could make you either the happiest person in the world (for reference of how happy please refer to the image of Ray Stanz.) or into a raging psychopath? Well, Egon Spengler fucked it. That's right, our favorite straight laced quiet scientist once had sex with some psychomagnotheric slime to see how it would react to the positive emotional response of his firm love making.

Egon: [talking about the mood slime after the yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.

Do you really think that once he knew how to make more slime
he would settle for just that small beakers worth?

Peter Venkman: What kind of tests?
Ray: Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive nurturing things to it.
Peter Venkman: You're not sleeping with it are you Ray?
[Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon]
Peter Venkman: [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.
Winston: It's always the quiet ones.
Egon: [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject] How 'bout the kinetic test?

Yup, that happened, and to bring that thought one step further. Since Egon did not go into a homicidal rage, and he seems not be wearing any walking brace the experiments was an arousing success.

Which brings up a very good question, and one I never thought I could pose while conscious.

Once you have had sex with psychomagnotheric slime, once that act with a force that is used to open dimensions and allow ghosts to pass to our realm is over, what happens to that slime?

Does Egon flush it down the drain? Nah, that doesn't seem like his style, he is a scientist, he likes to see what happens to things, the fucker straightened a Slinkie for god's sake. Does he put it in a beaker and label it "Very good mood slime"? Maybe, maybe somewhere in the firehouse there is that one beaker no one touches.

But then later in the movie the ghostbusters have to coat the entirety of the Statue of Liberty. Note: the Statue of Liberty is very large, and would take a lot of coating.

All of the coating.

So Egon, being a pragmatist and knowing that to get the Statue of Liberty moving would take a lot of slime may have used all of the slime they had available.

All of the slime.

His most secret slime.

His most secret shame.

Egon Spengler witnessing the first ever Ghost Bukkake.

Another thing we just accepted from the Ghostbusters like the first blowjob we may have ever seen was the title of their 1986 cartoon show.

It was "The Real GHOSTBUSTERS", it wasn't "The Ghostbusters" or simply "Ghostbusters". It was "The Real Ghostbusters".

As kids we took that in stride, thinking of course they are the real ghostbusters, they are the first, the best, and the greatest and everyone should know that they are the real deal.

As it turns out they may be only the best and the greatest. The title of the first Ghost Busters belong to these guys.....well guys and a gorilla.

Since this shit came out in 1975, and the Ghostbuster film came out in 1985, these fuckers are nine years the first Ghost Busters.

The first Ghost Busters were a pair of spirit detectives named Jake Kong, and Eddie Spencer who with the help of a Gorilla named Tracy stopped ghosts, mummies, Billy the Kid, and the Red Baron to name a few of their rogues gallery.

Columbia pictures went ahead and made a deal with the company who produced the show Filmation to use the name Ghostbusters for their 1984 movie.

After the huge success of Ghostbusters, Filmation decided the world needed a Ghost Busters cartoon.

But not with those handsome mother fuckers in the jumpsuits. They wanted the sons of the first Ghost Busters.

Enter Jake Kong Jr. and Eddie Spencer Jr., the sons of the first Ghost Busters who are still working with Tracy the Gorilla, and some futuristic lady, and well...a lot of shit is happening there.

Columbia saw the cartoon and thought, well that sucks, fuck you, we are making our own cartoon. And just cause we are going to name it "The Real Ghostbusters" you shit heels. This is the reason that through our childhood we kinda sorted pondered why they were "The Real" Ghostbusters, because Columbia knows how to fuck someone and have the whole world in on the joke.

Clean it up Vigo, clean up all of that pink slime, PICK IT ALL UP, PICK UP THE LOVE SLIME OF EGON MOTHER FUCKING SPENGLER.