Blended and Multicultural Families

Any full time step-moms out there?

annerastyoder:
Ugh. Anyone else pregnant and also a full time stepmom? I have two steps - ss12 and ss15. The 15 year old is driving me crazy with his attitude!! My poor husband is living in a teen and pregnant lady hormonal circus, lol!

I'm a FTM & a part-time SM (DSD 14, DSS 12 & DSS 10). We have the kids fortnightly from Friday after school to Monday or Tuesday when they go back to school My DSD drives me nuts too when she's here, I understand its a normal teenage thing. I get so frustrated as I don't know how to handle her & not being her "parent" it's hard for me to discipline her. Sometimes I just have to walk away & let my SO deal with her. It's got worse since my DS (5 months) arrived & I can no longer just drop everything to do something for her. She hates that & sometimes resents her baby brother for it. My SO wont allow her to treat her brother badly because of it though. It helps immensely that my SO is on top of discipline & does back me up when needed.

Ah, I completely know what you mean about the discipline thing. Our 15 year old feels like he shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do and I have to let DH deal with him. My baby girl is due in sept. and I'm worried about how we will deal with an infant and a defiant teen at the same time.

Before my DS was born I took each kid out separately to do something that they enjoyed & used the opportunity to have a discussion about the baby with them. I wanted to know how they were coping with all the changes that a baby would bring to their lives. It turned out they were all really excited but worried that they wouldn't matter anymore. I made sure to tell them it wasn't true but that because babies don't understand "wait 5 mins" & they do it might mean that it takes me a little longer to get to their wants but that doesn't mean they aren't as special & important as before or that I don't love them as much as my DS it's just that he it too little to be made to wait. Ie if the baby is hungry I need to feed him before I can take DSD to the shops for candy. She took a week or too but now finally gets it. Try that & see what is their worries about the baby. I'm sure that your DSS is acting out partly due to the changing family. HTH.

Thanks Lynda! I love this advice. The 12 year old is beyond excited to have a new baby sister but the 15 year old is so teenager-y and self absorbed. He has a bit of a computer gaming obsession and becomes angry if he is told to get off the computer (he would play all night if allowed). The other night he reacted violently to DH when told to get off the computer and go to bed at 3 am! DH had a long talk with him last night about his behavior and hopefully it had an impact. He doesn't seem to give a d*mn about school although he is very high IQ. I'm praying he will buckle down in the new school year and do better. I'm leaning toward becoming a SAHM after baby arrives so that I can provide more supervision all the way around. My DH is saint really who has always been the boy's primary care giver as their biomom left years ago. I know they have enjoyed having me in their lives because they have said as much and they were very happy when we got married. I'm praying for patience during these teen years!

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