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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral,
A voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."

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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,
Not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30

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How true. Does anyone else have to keep a constant eye on who is going to walk straight into him/her with a furiously tapping flexed thumb? They call it meeting a social need...I call it plain bad manners.

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Absolutely, Nari. But then good manners are becoming a rarity nowadays. Walking along local streets if two or more people are coming along in the opposite direction they make no effort to move aside as we pass, so it is I who steps into the gutter to avoid being knocked flat. Similarly people stand chatting, taking up the width of our narrow pavements and look quite surprised when I say excuse me - expecting them to make a little room. The answer is to walk straight along the centre of the pavement so that one or other of them has to shift!

This comment should go after Ivy's reply but there was no way I could find a way to do so.
I was going to add to her reply that in Scandinavia I was astounded how people walking along a road or street always stay on the right side of the pavement or road, as they should in a country that drives on the right hand side. This drives me crazy sometimes when I am walking in our shopping centre that everyone walks as they feel like it - cross over sides with no warning and look annoyed about it. Looks like the UK is no better!

Oh Nari, heaven forbid that we are so tightly regulated that we must walk on a particular side of the pavement. I walk whichever side suits me BUT if I want to change I do a quick look behind me to make sure that it doesn't trip someone up. In any case, people should not walk so close on another person's heels that a changer of direction should upset them! What I object to is the complete unawareness of many people that there may just possibly be someone else in town that day.who may want to share pavement space. All it needs is common courtesy.

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American Company
You own two cows.
You sell one and lease her back. You found a shareholder company.
You force the two cows to give four times as much milk. You are surprised as one dies.
You publish a press statement and declare to have cut down the cost by 50%.
Your share value is rising..

French Company
You own two cows.
You go on strike because you want to have three cows.
You go for lunch. Life is great.

Japanese Company
You own two cows.
With the help of modern genetic technology you reduce the size of the cows down to 10% and they give 20 times as much milk.
Now you create a clever Cow-Cartoon, call it cowkimon and merchandize it worldwide.

German Company
You own two cows.
With the help of modern genetic technology you redesign the cows, so that they all get blonde, drink lots of beer,
give milk of finest quality and run 100 miles per hour.
Unfortunately the cows demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

British Company
You own two cows.
Both are mad.

Polish Company
Your two cows have been stolen last week.

Greek Company
You own two cows.
As you count them, an additional zero is sliding in your statistic.
You send a report to the EU: "Economics are growing by 1.000% since last year.
Because you are now allowed to incur debts in the worth of 12 cows, you raise credits in the worth of 25 cows.
You squander the money. The EU borrows you the missing cows, that you can pay the interests.
You have to cut down the costs extremely, your economic is shrinking.
You brand the country, which borrowed you the additional cows.

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