Sunday, April 29, 2007

(I kept trying to find time to post this yesterday, the ACTUAL anniversary date, but better late than never!)

One year ago today, we saw our baby girls' face for the first time. I remember sitting in my computer room staring at the phone like a raving lunatic, when all of a sudden, it rang. She was telling me all this information about our baby and I was frantically trying to write it down while gobs of tears are falling from my face onto this piece of paper. It was around 2:30 or 3:00 on a Friday and she said that if I left right away, I could go and pick it up in her office before it closed at 4:30. All I remember is calling the husband, blabbering a few bits of information to him (that I'm sure he didn't even understand) then gathering my things and jumping into my truck and driving like a mad woman. When I got there, the ladies came into the room and said they didn't think I'd make it there that fast. I was thinking "Lady, if you only knew the longing and the heartache I've been through over the last few years to get me to this point, you'd be saying it took me too long!"

I remember opening that envelope ever so slowly, as if it were the most delicate piece of glass, and I saw the picture and I cried, and cried and cried. All the hurt and disappointment that only someone who has been through infertility would understand seemed to have lifted off my shoulder the very moment that I laid eyes on my daughters' face.

I also remember thinking that I will no longer be staring at a lit Christmas tree in the middle of the night crying because my baby is not here, or going to a kiddie party and sitting in a corner not knowing what to do with myself, or going to summer festivals and staring at all the happy parents pushing baby strollers. No, not anymore because what I felt missing in my heart was instantly found in that tiny, overdressed, little pouty face. It all seemed like a big burden for my baby, that she was going to make my saddness, my sense of longing and years of disappointment go away, but seeing that face for the first time, I just knew she would.

And now.....she is beyond my wildest dreams. She is just so easy to love.

Thank you my sweet girl for making this mommy the happiest she's ever been! Happy Anniversary!