20.4.10

Kill the King

If I saw the Burger King king crawl through my window or wake me in my bed, I would take a baseball bat to that creepy fucker and beat him into unconsciousness. And when he woke up? Well, good luck getting out of those cuffs, and yes, that is gasoline you smell.

Whatever made Burger King think this was a good "mascot"? Was a leper trademarked by Wendy's? Did they consider a sex offender until they saw how they lost the 18-34 year old female market? I can't even begin to imagine the meetings that went on over this? "Well, he's got this over-size plastic head with a frozen expression and he creeps around your house bringing you breakfast in bed. I got the idea from the guy who broke into my neighbor's house and killed his family."

Brilliant.

McDonald's has its strange clown and other oddities. Subway has that pedophile Jared. In and Out has Jenna Jameson. (You know, that was sarcastic, but now I'm convinced that would be an awesome idea.) Burger King? They go with the most disturbing character since ... I don't even know.

Disturbing. Creepy. Chilling. Just the things I want to think of when I'm looking for a quick lunch