Valentine’s Day is perennially celebrated as the “most romantic day of the year” but remember, it is not only about sending flowers, chocolates, and a card to your significant other, it is about loving yourself. Sometimes, one partner or the other is disappointed in the day because they were not transparent about what they hoped would occur. It may be that they had hoped for a certain dining experience, a gift, heartfelt card or something else.

It would be fantastic, if as humans, we could mind-read what our partners wanted or expected from us. Maybe that would be quintessential romance; however, our partners don’t live within us and guidance is compassionate both for them and for ourselves. It prevents disappointment and resentment. It allows us to learn more about each other, navigate with mutual respect between each other’s desires and allows love to deepen.

Why is it so hard? It’s often hard to be honest about what we want because we fear we will burden our partners with our “asks”. We then try to legitimize not asking for what we want by diminishing the holiday and therefore diminishing our feelings about it. If only it was so easy to tell ourselves that something that matters to us, shouldn’t. I suggest that instead of judging ourselves about what does or doesn’t matter to us, and then by extension assuming our partner will judge us too, have a transparent and mindful conversation about your feelings.

3. Never fear being honest. Ask for what you want for the holiday or explain how you would like it to be. Couples don’t have to always agree on holidays or issues. But you must respect each other’s perspective.

4. Don’t wait until the “day of” to either discuss or “hope” everything turns out alright. What you have control over is you in your relationship. If the holiday comes and goes and you feel resentment for the outcome, you need to take some ownership for that, especially if you didn’t try to troubleshoot with your partner in advance.

5. Try to embrace a new truth, which is, it doesn’t de-romanticize Valentine’s Day if you take time to plan. Surprises and mind-reading may seem like quintessential romanticism, but effective communication is what can lead to long-lasting love.

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Dr. Jennifer Guttman is a leading Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and Clinical Psychologist with over 20 years of experience in the field of mental health. She has built thriving practices in Manhattan, NY and Westport, CT that provide weekly services for over 120 clients. Last year, Dr. Guttman launched her new lifestyle motivational brand platform, Sustainable Life Satisfaction, via her popular YouTube six-episode web series, “A Path to Sustainable Life Satisfaction.” She recently debuted as an author with her newly published workbook of the same title, which is available in e-book and paperback on Kindle/Amazon.com. Through her interaction with thousands of clients, Dr. Guttman found that over 80% of people don’t feel “happy” about some aspect of their lives. Her mission is to motivate and inspire people think about happiness in a realistic way. She created her SLS brand and six core techniques as a blueprint to help people feel more empowered, self-reliant, masters of their lives and put them on a path to achieving sustainable life satisfaction.

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Myths and Misconceptions of Relationships

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