[Many song titles in this thread have been converted to links by a Mudelf.]

Since two of the major joys in my life are food and music (well there are others, but we've already explored them quite thoroughly under a few other threads) I thought I'd ask for favorite mudcatter food songs. I know that there are a lot on the database, but I want to know which ones you all LIKE. Too bad it's difficult to sing and eat at the same time.

If you punch in @food in the DT, you get 135 listings including my favorite food song, "Home Grown Tomatoes" written by Guy Clark.

Some others that come to mind are "THE CHICKEN CORDON BLEUS" by Steve Goodman and a song by Chuck Brodsky called aptly enough "The Food Song."

An old blues song is "Biscuits" which is a double entendre, possibly not about food at all. It probably is no surprise to you Susan that sex and food get mixed up in our minds. We are definitely wired that way.

Then I once heard a wonderfull song that told the receipe for beet borscht in rhythm, rhyme, and melody. It was on NPR and that's all I remember.....that and laughing so hard I nearly drove off the road.

Uh, that's like an interesting thought there Roger. I mean I have rarely if ever confused sex with a Hostess Ho-Ho...but sure, it could happen.

Perhaps if I were married to a woman that worked in a butcher shop, we might refer to it as carnal knowledge. I do remember one time I was on a diet and suddenly leaped out of bed and acreamed, "Christ, I gotta' have a bowl of cottage cheese!" When I returned, the girl was gone. Always figured that was her loss though, since I brought back two bowls. And then there was the confusion that one evening about the salmon mousse, but we got that cleared up and had a high old time. Women don't like to be compared to food in any way, even things that I consider complimentary. So I learned to stick to the tried and true metaphors, like, "Your eyes shine the pants on a blue serge suit."

But I'll keep on reading this thread in the hopes that I'll get some new ideas to use with Karen. We got lots of kids and damn near no time for us, so food HAS replaced sex in some ways...so I guess I do see your point.

COLCANNON? And please, Night Owl, who wrote the Watermelon Song (if indeed it's the one about eating a watermelon, with all manner of 'non-verbal' action)? A friend sings it but has forgotten the author, and it's not in the DT - not under this title, anyway. - Thanks, Susanne

There's an extremely rude song called 'The Cucumber Song' by a guy that went out under the name of Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars. He made the British charts back in the seventies with a song called the Winkers song (misprint) and he had other choice numbers such as 'I've Farted' 'My Brother's Got Piles' and heaps of others. I was at "that" age when I got hold of the album and it made a great impression on me. If anyone is interested in the lyrics...I was so impressed I still remember most of them.

There are a couple of songs that I sing at almost every show. I have a regular Friday evening gig at a little Cajun style restaurant so food songs seem to be appropriate. They were written by a very good friend, Robert Oneman Johnson, who hails from Iowa City. The first is Supper Time and the other is Life's Too Short. Another author I enjoy Bert Williams wrote a song about food that I like to play. Well actually it's about the hazards of eating, it's called Some Little Bug Is Going to Find You.

More songs come to mind. Greg Brown used to sing a song called "Slow Food." Rod Mc Donald has a song about "Corn" that he's not recorded, but he occasionally does in concert.

Roy Blount, Jr. has a series of food poems that just beg for music, "How I love to eat an oyster, nothin's slicker, nothin's moister." This one ends with "I prefer my oysters fried, 'cause then I know my oyster's died."

I knew there was one lurking in my cranium that wanted to be found. I had to throw that other trash out first to uncover it.

The song is "Breakfast Blues." Performed by Trout Fishing in America.

You give me hard eggs in the morning, Cheese omelet you go. You give me such hard eggs in the morning, Cheese omelet you go. You hot butter grit your teeth and bare it, I donut love you anymore. (Get that glazed look off'a your face).

Ham bacon you to leave me, I never sausage misery. Ham bacon you to leave me, I never sausage misery. You treated me so ungrapefruitly, You gave me raisin to be free. (Orange juice ashamed of yourself?)

What do you eggs benedict me to do girl? I got muffin left to say (You butter come up with somethin'.) What do you eggs benedict me to do girl? I got muffin left to say. You left such a waffle toast in my mouth, You biscuit out of town today. (Ain't gonna leave the home fries burning for ya.)

Repeat the first verse changing the last line. "Ain't gonna quiche you anymore"

I love the blues, I love food, and I love terrible puns. Here it is!!! All wrapped up in one song. What a blessing!

I don't like your peaches 'cos they're full of stonesI like bananas because they've got no bonesDon't give me tomatoes, can't stand ice cream conesI like bananas because they've got no bonesNo matter where I wander with Mary, Jean or AnnaI want the world to know that I love my bananaCabbages and onions, bring me out in moans I like bananas because they've got no bones

Wow! You've got me thinking now. Does anyone know the MotherFolkers song about chocolate? Also, seems to me that Greg Brown also does one about his grandmother putting a taste of summer in jars. (CANNED GOODS) John McCutcheon wrote a watermelon song with a pretty memorable spitting chorus. (WATERMELON)

To skw....I have no idea who wrote the "Watermelon Song" I learned. I'm not sure we have the same song. The chorus of the version I know has "creative" sound effects for children to "sing".....words are: Oh-hambone is sweet Chicken is good Possum meat is very,very fine But give me, oh give me I really wish you would That watermelon hanging on the vine.

The verses are about a failed attempt to steal a watermelon from a farmer's field.

Night Owl - thanks. There seem to be two songs (at least) about watermelon. Susan's description of a John McCutcheon song 'with a memorable spitting chorus' sounds more likely for the one I'm thinking of. We'll get there ... - Thanks again, Susanne

catspaw: oh post them post them do...my great aunt used to sing it all the time and I always felt ashamed that I never remember it as it would have been a traditionally picked up song (extereme tounge-in-cheekness there)

Yeah catspaw, some of us would like the words (and tune!) of Coconuts. I remember a little more: "There stands me wife, the idol of me life, singin' Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch." (which more or less repeats for the chorus.) My dad loved it, sang fragments of it all the time. I think it was about an Italian carnival booth, he loved any spoof of things Italian.

Robin C, "Strangers in My Soup" is in the DT and is sung to the tune of "Strangers in the Night." First heard it at an Open Sing. A show-stopper.

Night Owl, in the 40's my mother sang a much less polite and fairly offensive (by today's standards) version of the watermelon song: "Oh the ham bone am sweet /And the taters am good /And the possum fat and cornbread mighty fine/ But give me, oh give me/ I really wish you would /That water-million hangin' on the vine." She learned it in Georgia....

Oh That Gorgonzola Cheese! Nothing ever like it, I suppose. Our tomcat fell a corpse upon the mat when the niff went up his nose. Talk about the flavor of the cracklin on the pork - nothing ever smelt so strong as the beautiful effluvial that filled the house...when the gorgonzola cheese went wrong. (I heard Robin Williamson and his Merry Band sing this one at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco).

"I once was A Cook on a Bark, cook on a bark, cook on a bark". What I had of this (I was searching for the missing rest) sea song of a sea cook who could kill with his cooking skills, is in the forum if you're interested. Barry.

The Hard Cheese of Old England has many puns, including one of my favorite food puns: "Those Edam foreigners aren't worth cement Though old Gorgonzola is known for his scent, And his brother Emil wrote novels in French, Singing oh, the hard cheese of old England In old England very hard cheese.

Its something Wallace and Grommit would be proud of, and it's in the DT.

Catspaw, in the food as metaphor category, to go with your salmon mousse, "If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, how come they smell like anchovies?" There's a wonderful old blues about getting the griddle nice and hot and cooking em slow and easy in lots of butter to make your, uhm, ...pancakes! that's what it was, pancakes -- come out right. There's also Guy Clark's 'A Little of Both' (on the same album, Keepers as Homegrown Tomatoes, what he also wrote). The chorus goes: "Give me a bowl of chili Give me milk and toast As long as you're dishing it out, Lord, I'll take a little of both."

Here's the first verse for free: I like drinking whiskey I like being straight I like voodoo spinners And I like live bait

About 7 or 8 years ago I heard a great food song at Pinewoods, "How Can I Keep From Eating" done to the tune of ".....From Singing". I can't recall who did it and I don't know if it was ever recorded or even written down

Haven't heard the Great Tomato Vendetta in over 20 years and would sure like to hear it again. I've searched for Mason Williams zany recordings for sometime and come up empty. As for other nominations to the list of 'food' songs there is "Coconut" from Harry Nilsson's Songwriter album and "Chicken on a Raft".

Greg Brown also does a wonderful song called (I think) "Taste a Little of the Summer" about his grandmother's magic with a canner. I wish I knew the words or what recording it was on- it's definitely my favorite food song. [=Canned Goods] For my most favorite disgusting food song, it's got to be "Comet" as sung by Sandy and Caroline Paton!

Greg Brown's great song "Canned Goods" is on three of his recordings; One Night (1983), One More Goodnight Kiss (1988), and The Live One (1995). The first one in an out of print LP recorded at the Coffehouse Extempore in Minneapolis. The latter 2 are available as CD on the RedHouse Records label. A complete discography, most of his lyrics and other stuff can be found at:

http://www.wing.net/gbrown/index.html?

"Canned Goods" words & music by Greg Brown

Well let the wild winter wind bellow and blow I'm as warm as a July tomato

[chorus:] There's peaches on the shelf, potatoes in the bin Supper ready, everybody come on in Taste a little of the summer Taste a little of the summer Taste a little of the summer Grandma put it all in jars

Well there's a root cellar, fruit cellar down below Watch your head now, and down we go

[repeat chorus]

Well maybe you are weary and you don't give a damn I bet you never tasted her blackberry jam

[repeat chorus]

Oh she got magic in her, you know what I mean She puts the sun and rain in with her beans

[repeat chorus]

What with the snow and the economy and everything I think I'll just stay down here and eat until spring

[repeat chorus]

When I go down to see Grandma, I gain a lot a weight With her dear hands she gives me plate after plate She cans the pickles, sweet and dill And the songs of the whip-poor-will and the morning dew and the evening moon I really gotta go down and see her soon Cause the canned goods that I buy at the store Ain't got the summer in em anymore You bet Grandma as sure as you're born I'll take some more potatoes and a thunder storm

[repeat chorus]

While searching for something else on the net I encountered the following site that lists the title of 333 songs about food. There are no lyrics and they are primarily rock/pop/broadway material, but is is a long list that may get some folks thinking (or perhaps wondering what is in the fridge)

My nieces used to sing a song called something like The Super Supper March which started "Hungry, hungry, I am hungry, I could eat a frizzled flum, I could eat a goose-moose-burger, four pounds of pickles and a purple plum," becoming progressively more and more ridiculous.

Can the food be in its raw state or does it have to be prepared? If it does not have to be prepared, the is a fish song, probably by someones of the ilk of Pinkard and Bowden - only line I remember is "I Lobster and Never Flounder" or something like that.

Hey, as far as I'm concerned, anything goes. As long as I don't start using these posts in order to build my menu, although I COULD use it to do a bang-up April Fools menu Worms, eels, and MORE!!! and CATSPAWWW!!!! WHERE IS THE COCONUT SONG!!!!

From the Mighty Sparrow (Slinger Francisco) who won the Trinidad Calypso Competition for about 20 years running, comes "The Papaya Song" [="Mango Vert"] which I swear was the number-one AM radio hit when I moved to the Caribbean in 1970: "Well if you eat it right, the hair don't stick in your teeth. And you're sure to say it's tasting sweet sweet sweet. But if you eat it wrong you'd best not walk the street. Everybody gonna know, when they see the hair in your teeth." If you like that one, I could be persuaded to write down the lyrics to "Elaine and Harry" too.

I haven't heard Sparrow's name in years..he used to be considered the Bob Dylan of the Carribean...(in hindsight not sure how much of a complement that is to him)Is he still recording? There was a time when his music was banned in the States.

I have an old tape & this song is on it & through all the merrymaking can't make out alot of the words.Some of goes as follows:

I was cook ( onboard of a bark, 3 X ) That was the way I made my mark Slinging up the hash Many sailors eat my stew They're all dead I'm telling you

When we're out of ( bacon fat 3 x ) Then I catch a juicy rat I know what to do You salt the critter well He will last for quite a spell

You should try my ( lobster sauce 3 X ) Nothing taste as well with with horse It's a lovely course You should try my shark fin soup It's the stuff to make you stoop

The rest of it, another 4 verses, about lobster tails, custards, whale blubber, beatles & water as rum & beer, I can't make out. The first 3 lines including the (3X) are to an A part melody & the last 2 line of the verse are of a different melody & timing. Has any one got any history and/or words, or anything to else to this, I've never seen or know of anyone who's heard of anything resembling this song. Thanks, Barry

Hey Night Owl, Sparrow is still around. Over the last decade he's released some Soca albums, which I've seen in the stores but resisted buying. I just did a web search and noticed he had a new album come out on 3/16/99 called Supreme on the Musicrama label. I have some of the old Sparrow stuff - let me know if you want to pursue that subject. I didn't know he was banned in the states, but he's a master of the double-entendre: little kids as well as their parents can enjoy his singing about for example how he's afraid the pussy might scratch him. Whoops, the "If you eat it right the hair don't stick in your teeth" song I quoted above was the MANGO song [="Mango Vert"], not the PAPAYA song. I have papayas on the brain - I used to oversee a papaya farm! Mangos are often stringy and the hair DOES stick in your teeth.

Ladies, the minutes will soon be read today. The garden club and weaving class, I'm sure have much to say But next week is our culture night, our biggest best event And I've just made a dish for it you'll all find heaven-sent.

And Mrs. Jones is making scones that are filled with peanut mousse, To be followed by a chicken mold that's made in the shape of a goose. For ladies who must watch those pounds, we've found a special dish: Strawberry ice, enshrined in rice, with bits of tuna fish.

And my lime Jell-O marshmallow cottage cheese surprise - Truly a creation that description defies. It will go so well with Mrs. Bell's creation of the week, Shrimp salad topped with chocolate sauce and garnished with a leek.

And Mrs. Perkins' walnut loaf that's crowned with melted cheese Was such a hit last culture night, we ask, no seconds please. Now you must try her hot dog pie with candied mushroom slices. Those ladies who resigned last year, they just don't know what nice is.

And my lime Jell-O marshmallow cottage cheese surprise. I did not steal that recipe! It's lies, I tell you, lies! A grand surprise, a picture hat (?) and a seven-sequin gown For any girl who tries each dish and keeps her whole lunch down.

I'm sure you all are waiting for the biggest news, dessert. We've thought of things in molds and rings your diet to subvert. You must try our chocolate layer-cake on a peanut-brittle base With slices of bananas that make a funny face,

Around the edges, peppermints just swimming in peach custard, With lovely little curlicues of lovely yellow mustard. If all this is too much for you, permit me to advise More lime Jell-O marshmallow cottage cheese surprise.

I made heaps! - - - As "sung" by Joan Morris with piano accompaniment by William Bolcom on "Lime Jello - An American Cabaret" RCA AML1-5830. Also on "Keepers: Morning Show Favorites," a CD available as a premium for membership in Minnesota Public Radio, MPR 102. This "song" is more a rhythmic recitation (like talking blues, but different). @food

This song was originally posted by rich r but I straightened it up and added some information. JTD

Folk 1234 referred to "HOW CAN I KEEP FROM EATING." I learned that one from Judy Cook a few years ago, and have the writer's name written down somewhere, but not handy just now. The words, as best I recall, are:

My life goes on in endless flow Of breakfast, lunch, and dinner; I eat them all with gusto, though They will not make me thinner. For eating brings me so much joy, And joy in life is fleeting, So while there's food still on my plate, How can I keep from eating?

Some chicken soup with matzoh balls Will bring me peace and pleasure; An eclair or some chocolate cake Brings joy no tongue can measure. Some broccoli with hollandaise Will set my heart to beating. It sounds a rumbling deep within-- How can I keep from eating?

I'm getting rather plump these days; I think I'll take up running. To lose a meager pound or two Takes self-control and cunning. I've tried a million kinds of diets, They're all so self-defeating. I open up the pantry door-- How can I keep from eating?

You don't put beans in chilli You never water good whiskey down And never play poker with a man named 'Doc' On the Spanish side of town And if you want to go peekin' at the doctor's daughter You better pay the old man his bread Then it's a short, short ride from hell to heaven Ridin' on a bowl of red

I'm talkin' about sweet Lorene, the chilli queen Down at number nine Pecos Street She's got bull meat hangin' up above her head And chilli peppers down at her feet She's got an iron pot smokin' on a woodsmoke stove Near an antique feather bed Where it's a short short ride from hell to heaven Ridin' on a bowl of red

Here's the recipe: Bull meat, crab meat, pig's feet, chicken feet I've even seen her use a rabbit's head Cemino, oregano, celanto, let it go Then sop it up with sourdough bread Let it boil one day – you'll be rollin' in the hay Lorene keeps a man well fed Just walk on down to number nine Say, 'Give me a little bowl of red'

Peter Piper picked a bunch of chilli peppers Tell me how many packs did Peter Piper pick Then he took 'em on down to sweet Lorene Said, 'I need a bowl of red real quick' She put Peter Piper's peppers in a pot on the stove She put Peter Piper in her feather bed And now Peter Piper's pickin' peppers all day Just to get his daily bowl of red

Actually, the correct title of the 'Starry-gazy pie' song is 'Tom Bawcock's Eve' - the eve before Christmas eve when the tradition was to eat a pie made of seven sorts of fish. The fish heads stuck out of the pie and hence the 'starry-gazy' line. Great song.

You're my sweet potato but I like to cauliflower dear so honey let us beet it and squash this thing right here I've got an 18 carrot ring bought with my celery and onion finger I will place it because you've bean so nice to me And if my rival turnip I artichoke him dead or tie a string bean round his neck and pumpkin full of lead so honey let us beat it to a taxi cabbage near we'll have the parson-ip to-mate-us in a radish church right here

I don't think anyone mentioned Fats Waller (someone else who loved food as much as music!): "HOLD TIGHT (Want Some Sea Food Mama)", "Shrimps and rice, they're very nice".RtS (Built for comfort, not built for speed)

Grant Rodgers can be found on a Folk Legacy recording singing 'Bread and Gravy'. Just ask Sandy. But after enjoying many of these songs for years and enjoying their subject better, Shel Silverstein's 'Diet Song' comes to mind. It strikes as close to the bone as it can get these days.

Breakfast: black coffee, one slice of dry toast, no butter, no jelly, no jam; Lunch: just some lettuce, two celery stalks, no booze, no potatoes, no ham; Dinner: one chicken wing broiled, not fried, no gravy, no biscuits, no pie; And this dietin', dietin', dietin', dietin' sure is a rough way to die.

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune, one glass of skim milk and that's all. Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial; it's drivin' me straight up the wall. I'm thinkin' of French fries, sausage and waffles, spaghetti, and cookies and cake, And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream 'n' I'm starvin' to death when I wake— All for your sake.

Well, you're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes, but it's bullion and water for me, And you've got a lock on the refrigerator; Lord knows where you're hidin' the key, And while I am starvin' for food late at night, I'm starvin' for lovin' from you, But you say that when I can see my own dick you'll be back to look at it too.

So, suffer two pieces of cauliflower raw, some beefsteak the size of a nail, One slice of tomato, a small dab of slaw, Lord, I swear I ate better in jail. Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose; girl that's the least you can do, And put down that candy bar while I am singin'; I'm starvin' my ass off for you.

And when I am dead, with the insurance paid, you'll look down at me and you'll grin. You'll say:"Well, the boy tried, and he starved and he died, but don't he look good when he's thin?"

Metchosin: It's admirable that you took the trouble to post "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts," but it will never end up in DigiTrad unless you either (a) use the "Lyr Add:" prefix in your subject line, or, failing that, (b) post a message on the thread called Songs you've posted.

Furthermore, the song has already been posted by Joe Offer here, so you could have saved yourself some trouble just by finding it and setting up a blue clicky.

I mention this because a LOT of people make this mistake, and there are a LOT of lost songs sitting in threads somewhere. I've found dozens of them. See my postings in "Songs you've posted" for examples.

One more, from John Prine, a number more aptly about the lack of food: "I come home from work this evening, there was note in the frying pan/it said fix your own damn supper, babe/I run off with the Fuller Brush man." [FRYING PAN]

If I could change this life I lead, You could call me Johnny Tomato Seed I know what this country needs, It's home grown tomatoes in every yard you see When I die don't bury me In a box in a cold dark cemetery Out in the garden would be much better Where I could be pushin up those home grown tomatoes.

numerous with references to "hambone" and/or "jelly roll", lots more in the Smith/Spivey/Rainey canon, many kept alive by artists like George Melly and Dana Gillespie. Then when the meal is over, you have to clear away:to the strains of Champion Jack Dupree and "Garbage Man" RtS

Going back to my misspent youth in the late Pleistocene, there was a song called "Five Salted Peanuts."

One of my favorites out of the depression is "Beans, Bacon & Gravy", about being so poor that the only thing he can get to eat day in and day out, week in and week out, is beans, bacon and gravy. It is in the DT, I think.

In this thread on March 15th, the following was posted: "Another author I enjoy Bert Williams wrote a song about food that I like to play. Well actually it's about the hazards of eating, it's called Some Little Bug Is Going to Find You.

"On Monday we had bread and gravy. On Tuesday was gravy and bread. On Wednesday and Thursday was gravy and toast. On Friday we went to the landlord To get something else instead. So on Saturday morn, just as sure as you're born We had gravy without any bread."

And how about Dave Webber's "May Song" which is all about Mayo and Pasta: "Summertime is here and past-o" and Hail, hail the First of May-o"

Wintertime is gone and past-o Salads grace our plates at last-o We shall to our waitress say Please to bring us all a side of may... o. Hail, hail, the taste of mayo Salad dressing, go away-o Noodles, burgers, fries or hay Always taste best with a side of may

Hi, Folks - This is a great thread! I can add one of mine: Sally's Quiche from my CD, October Roses. I started a recipe songs thread some years back -- I'll see if I can find it. This song has the complete recipe. If it's not already posted, I'll add it.

Well, being in a hurry I didn't check, but I'm guessing the posting by Joe Offer is the thread I came across some time ago all about the Coconut Song. I immediately shared it with my husband, who sings the first three lines to me regularly (in a very suggestive way, I might add) but who could not remember the rest of the song. If that is not the thread I remember, please look for it. everything you'd want to know about the song including lyrics.

In our house food and sex are definitely bedfellows. And definitely are both considered a route to ecstasy. Perhaps that's where the confusion is, since ecstatic states are a bit mindblowing?

My life goes on in endless flow of breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat them all with gusto though they will not make me thinner For eating brings me so much joy, and joy in life is fleeting So while there's food still on my plate, How can I keep from eating.

Some chicken soup with matzoh balls will bring me peace and pleasure An eclair or some chocolate cake brings joy no tongue can measure Some broccoli with hollandaise would set my heart to beating It sounds a rumbling deep within. How can I keep from eating.

I'm getting rather plump these days; I think I'll take up running. To lose a meager pound or two takes self control and cunning I've tried a million kinds of diets; they're all so self-defeating I open up the pantry door - How can I keep from eating.

Sittin' here thumbin' through the pages of a magazine The pages tell me come right away, you know what I mean The air is so spacey, the ladies are lacey And there is nothing you gotta do But eat hot chili

Hot chili is groovy After a movie or watching TV But when you order South of the border Soon you see It's hotter than noon It will melt your spoon So buddy, you better get ready For eatin' hot chili It's not silly To eat hot chili

Passport in hand I made my plan to get away Hopped on a plane Rode out of the rain the very same day Soon as I landed My wish it was granted Lovely senoritas always drinkin' tequila, yeah, yeah, yeah And eatin' hot chili Eatin' hot chili I love hot chili

OK, sometimes I get obsessed. These are all the food songs I can find at Mudcat. The name following each title is usually a performer, not necessarily the songwriter. I have deliberately omitted many songs that merely mention food, where food is not the main theme of the song.

This isn't quite a food song, but Marti Brom has a great one called "Eat My Words", about love gone wrong. The chorus goes:

"Well, gimme a fork, gime a knife, I'm gonna eat my words . . . Yeah, sit me down, fill me up a platter, Great big platter of that love chitter-chatter, And if I need a drink on the side, I'll take a little swallow of my pride."

"Everything is food" from the Popeye movie with Robin Williams by Nilson., Not published as near as I can tell, or on the soundtrack recording. The only way to learn it is to play the movie over and over.

My girlfriend's over but I sent her away 'cause she almost knocked the supper off my TV tray Bring a loada' RC Cola TV Dinner A plate of Twinkies It takes a pink burrito For to keep me clean (For to keep me clean)

TV dinner is the meal that I'm lovin' Take off the foil, 30 minutes in the oven Bring a loada' RC Cola TV Dinner A plate of Twinkies It takes a pink burrito For to keep me clean (For to keep me clean)

Don't like no carrots, can't stand no peas But a pack of Ding Dong bring me down to my knees Bring a loada' RC Cola TV Dinner A plate of Twinkies It takes a pink burrito For to keep me clean (For to keep me clean)

Girlfriend's sweet, she ain't like no other Let's me spend all day in front of that 24-inch color Brings a loada' RC Cola TV Dinner A plate of Twinkies It takes a pink burrito For to keep me clean (For to keep me clean)

Only one thing makes me jump up and holler TV breaks down during Bowling for Dollars Get a loada' RC Cola TV Dinner A plate of Twinkies It takes a pink burrito For to keep me clean (For to keep me clean)

I have traveled round the world from Fiji to Nairobi, Sampled the exotic fare from Chihuahua to the Gobi. From Land's End to Helsinki and all points in between, I've been fed the finest Finnish food and British haute cuisine

From the malts of Montezuma to the s'mores of Tripoli, From the mints of Machu Picchu to the doughnuts of the deep Dead Sea. Let me set you straight, my friends: it always seemed to be, Mammals, fish, and reptiles all taste the same to me.

Chipped beef on toast, have a friend for pot roast, Tender little piggy toes with a bit of Bordeaux, French-fried mince pies right between the fish eyes, Half-baked pound cake, Shake 'n Bake, and rattlesnake,

Quattro formaggi in an ancient Tuscan palace, Mystery meats impaled on sticks at the State Fair in Dallas, Leaning towers of pizza and spaghetti bolognaise. How I love thee, pu pu platter! Let me count the ways.

I've scouted out the finest kraut in Baraboo, Wisconsin. I've filled a dish with gefilte fish with a Jew named Ole Yohnson, The joys of vegan nut loaf with a side of lychee ramen. From French nouveau to lutefisk, they all have this in common:

Fillet of bunny when it's sunny is lip-smackin' good. Monkey brains when it rains is my favorite food. [Pronounced to rhyme with "good"] Artichoke is okey-doke with a slice of tongue. Manatee's a dream to me, especially when it's young.

Well, I woke up this (E7)mornin' With a crus(A7)tacean in my shoes, No shad, man! (F)Woke up this (C)mornin'(C/B) With a (Am)lobster where I (Am7)didn't (G6)choose.(G) (F)Sleepin' behind the (C)fishmart Givin' me them (F)Seafood De(G)partment (C)Blues. (F) (G) (C) (G7) (C)

Met a shark in the (E7)dark, We (A7)had us a whale of a time, And them (F)jellyfish made a (C)mighty fine (C/B)dish, They´re (Am)seven dozen (Am7)for a (G6)dime.(G) (F)Seafood Department (C)Blues, (F)Sure feels (G)like a (C)crime. (F) (G)

(C)Down in Fishmart (E7)Alley 'S a barra(Am)cuda with a (F)gun, (E7)Stickin' up the (Am)tourists And (F)tuna'n' up for other (G)fun, (F)Kelpin' hisself to other´s (C)goodies 'n (F)Sellin' seaweed (G)by the (C)ton. (C7) (F) (Fm) (C) (F) (G) (C) (G7) (C)

John McCutcheon has a song about Soup.. and there is a song about The Wonderful Soup Stone – Shel Silverstein?Apples and Bananas Red Red Wine Miss American Pie (is that food?) I remember hearing a line about Apple Pan Dowdy [="Shoo-Fly Pie"]...in a song about the southThat's What I Like about the South...has ham in it too Banana Pancakes – Jack Johnson Guy Clark – "Texas Cookin'" we sang a song at camp about Fried Eggs, Ham and Baloney and After the Macaroni We'll Have Pizza

ahh...refreshing this thread...looking for food songs for my radio show ... my next 2 hour show will be around thanksgiving (NOV.24) and often the thing we are most thankful for on that day centers around food!

Isn't there a cowboy song about biscuits and gravy? (all i could find was this parody by Lady Antebellum www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXsN-J-ASqg

Though the Berrymans' witty When Did We Have Sauerkraut? song was mentioned earlier, they regularly mention food in their songs. Crab Canape is a lovely duet of dueling food sensibilities. Orange Cocoa Cake is a whole recipe interspersed with mom-to-kids chat interruptions. As your show is Thanksgiving-oriented, their Uncle Dave's Grace would be a gem. Hills, Herdman & Mangsen recorded a great version of it on one of their Winter albums.

Cindy Mangsen's Cat Tales album includes Open That Can detailing food cravings feline, canine, and human.

Deb Cowan's latest album has a fun (how to sing along with) version of the previously mentioned Good Fish Chowder (and is one of MANY reasons to get this excellent album) Also previously mentioned Dad's Dinner Pail is the title song of another album of hers.

Hot Soup's Soup Happens has the song Soup detailing the pleasures of hot soup on cold winter days.

Chicago's duo Small Potatoes Time Flies album has their Avocado song that was featured in a car's sound system sample.

Les Barker is a great source of parody songs featuring food (for as many as there are, he ought to be a good deal wider than he is...) Besides Custard Creams and Hard Cheeses of Old England my favorite is My Husband's Got No Porridge in Him (Food and Fractured Faerie Tales all in one!). I can't remember the rest without digging the albums out - I just remember more.

Long before I got in over my head in folk, I had a brief flirtation with light Jazz, after falling in love with the writing of Michael Franks who does several food songs, though admittedly dripping cutesy innuendo. His Art of Tea album has what might be his best known song Popsicle Toes along with Eggplant

Christine Lavin made a compilation CD, One Meat Ball with some great versions of food songs, including Dave Van Ronk explaining the title song, Tom Paxton singing "Bottle of Wine" in French, and Debi Smith singing "Pie" with Doc Watson accompanying.

Hmmm, I'm rather surprised after viewing my post in this thread from way back on March 15th of 1999. In that post my song suggestion is linked, via some strange computational algorithm, to another song, not the song that I had in mind. Weird!

I, too, enjoy food songs. I've written a couple of them since then. A nice video of my latest food songMakin' Bacon was captured on April 4th, 2012 as I was offering it to listeners at Sliders Cafe in Carnation, WA.

And here's a link to an audio file of my song A Dilly Of A Tale (The Pickle Song). This song was inspired into existence via a thread post that I was answering right here at The Mudcat Cafe. I recall that we were having a conversation about a woman who was going to take McDonalds to court, because she burned her lip on hot pickle. As I was writing my response, about having recently consumed some just plain bad dill pickles and wondering if I had a case of my own, my song was born. Enjoy!

I never did get litigious with the company that produced those awful tasting dills but I did get a great song out of the deal. I figure a jar full of sour pickles in exchange for a sweet song is a fair trade.

hooray for the fresh and spicy additions to this smorgasboard of tunes. Yes, it was while listening to Deb Cowan's version of Good Fish Chowder that I decided that my thanksgiving show would be centered around food! inspiring, that! luckily listening to songs about food is not likely to add pounds as actually consuming it does!

Kate Campbell has several songs about food...Funeral Food and casseroles as well as holy tomato seeds -- Jesus and Tomatoes coming soon! Let's see... who does Animal Crackers in my Soup? oh yes, Shirley Temple!

From barley we get home-brewed ale, From malt our whiskey comes, But from the oats in Staffordshire Do come our lumpytums.

*

There's folk that's teetotalers, they drinks water neat. It must rot their gullets and given them webbed feet, But I always say that a man can't grow stale On boiled beef and bacon and good English ale.

Ale, ale, glorious ale! Served up in pewter, it tells its own tale. Some folks likes cabbages, some curlye kale, But give I boiled parsnips, And a great dish of taters, And a lump of fatty bacon, And a pint of good ale!

here is a playlist and a link to listen to the archived show: FOOD Crossroads Show - November 25, 2012 - Thankful for Bountiful Harvest KROV f.m. 91.1 f.m. Oroville, CA, www.orovilleradio.org, http://orovilleradio.org/shows/view/45 Host, Laurel Paulson-Pierce, "Your Radio Common 'Tater", veraloe@ gotsky.com Artist / Song / C.D. / Record Label / approximate Time song starts in the show

CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE As sung by Jimmy Buffett on "Son of a Son of a Sailor"

Tried to amend my carnivorous habits. Made it nearly seventy days, Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds, Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays, But at night I'd had these wonderful dreams: Some kind of sensuous treat, Not zucchini, fettuccine, or bulgur wheat, But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat.

CHORUS: Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise), Heaven on earth with an onion slice (paradise), Not too particular, not too precise (paradise), I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

Heard about the old time sailor men. They eat the same thing again and again. Warm beer and bread they said could raise the dead. Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn. Times have changed for sailors these days. When I'm in port, I get what I need: Not just Havanas or bananas or daiquiris, But that American creation on which I feed:

CHORUS: Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise), Medium rare with mustard'd be nice (paradise), Heaven on earth with an onion slice (paradise). I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and french-fried potatoes, Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer. Well, good God almighty, which way do I steer for my—

CHORUS: Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise)? Makin' the best of every virtue and vice (paradise), Worth every damn bit of sacrifice (paradise), To get a cheeseburger in paradise, To be a cheeseburger in paradise. I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57, and french-fried potatoes, Big kosher pickle, and a cold draft beer. Well, good God almighty, which way do I steer?

If you want good cookin', You can get good cookin'. If you want good cookin', Come around to my house. You can get some corn bread, And if you like good corn bread, And if you want good corn bread, Come around to my house. Well now, you like ham; I like ham All circled 'round with candied yam. You like pastry; I've got pastry, Sweet and hot and oh so tasty. You can get good cookin'. If you like good cookin'; And you want good cookin', So come around to my house.

You can get good gravy If you like good gravy, And you want good gravy. Oh, come around to my house. You can get hot biscuits If you like hot biscuits, And you want good biscuits, Just come around to my house. Now you like jam; I like jam, Grape, for mint or leg o' lamb. You like pot pies; I've got pot pie, Guaranteed first time you try 'em. You can get rice puddin', If you like rice puddin', And you want rice puddin'. Say, brother, come on 'round to my house.

Papa don't want no fish and rice nor hominy. That's not the kind of food for a man like me. My favorite dish is fish, But for fish sake, finish!* Papa don't want to see no fish and rice again.

Big fish, little fish, catfish, fresh fish, all the same. Swordfish, pickle-fish—fish is fish by any name. Why, the doctors all explain Fish would help my brain, So papa don't want to see no fish and rice again.

Mama, ain't there nothin' else that you can buy? Tummy ache all night, papa want to die. Tuna swallowed a whale. Any more fish and I'd go to jail. Oh, papa don't want to see no fish and rice again.

Oh, papa don't want no fish and rice nor hominy. That's not the kind of food for a man like me. My appetite is big, But, mama, I ain't no pig. Oh, papa don't want to see no fish and rice again.

I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked; I stopped for to rest my feet. I set down on an old oak tree, there went fast asleep. I dreamt I was settin' in a swell cafe as hungry as a bear. My stomach sent a telegram to my throat: "There's a wreck on the road somewhere."

I heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest." Well, you talk about your stewin' beef; I know what's the best. Well, you talk about your chicken, ham and eggs, turkey stuffed and dressed, But I heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest."

I ain't had no use for chicken since way back yonder last spring, For a chicken tried to peck me 'cause I stepped on his wing. Old chicken caused me to go to jail; I don't let no chicken do that. I would have stoled ev'ry hen he had, but I found out they was fat.

I was walking down the street today just as hungry as I could be, And I walked right in a swell cafe; this is what they said to me: "Hey, won't you have some chicken?" "Oh, no, I'll have some beef." "Anytime a man refuse chicken here, he has to pay before he eats."

I heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest." You talk about liver, stew and beans, but I know what's the best. That's pork chop, veal chop, ham and eggs, turkey stuffed and dressed. I heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest."

Well, I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked and I stopped to rest my feet. I set down beside of a great big tree; then I soon was fast asleep. I dreamed I was settin' in a swell cafe just as hungry as a bear. My stomach sent a telegram to my throat: "There's a wreck on the road somewhere."

I heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest." You talk about liver, stew and beans, but I know what's the best. That's pork chop, veal chop, ham and eggs, turkey stuffed and dressed. Heard the voice of a pork chop say: "Come unto me and rest."

BANGERS AND MASH Words by Herbert Kretzmer ; music by Dave Lee. As recorded by Peter Sellers and Sophia Loren, 1961

I met her down in Napoli and didn't she look great! And so I brought her back to Blighty just to show me mates; And though we're married happily, I'll tell you furthermore, I haven't had a decent meal since nineteen forty-four.

—Eat your minestrone, Joe. —That's all you ever say. —Eat your macaroni, Joe. —Ev'ry blinking day. —No wonder you're so bony, Joe, and skinny as a rake. —Well then, give us a bash at the bangers and mash me mother used to make.

Bangers and mash! —Minestrone! —Bangers and mash! —Macaroni! —Give us a bash at the bangers and mash me mother used to make.

ENGLISH MUFFINS AND IRISH STEW Words by Bob Hilliard, music by Moose Charlap. As recorded by Sylvia Syms, 1956.

You'd never think they'd go together, but they certainly do: The combination of English muffins and Irish stew. I must admit that they're quite delicious and so easy to chew: The combination of English muffins and Irish stew.

I've tried macaroni and Spanish rice. That's not so very nice. That's not so very nice. I've tried French pancakes with German sauerkraut, But that's one dish I'd do without.

You'd never think they'd go together, but they certainly do. The combination of English muffins and Irish stew. The Mexican army has eaten salami and onions from Peru, But it don't compare with English muffins and Irish stew.

The English and the Irish have been firish(?) now and then, 'Cause the Irish think that they can knock the stuffin' Out of any old English muffin.

So you'd never think they'd go together, but they certainly do: The combination of English muffins and Irish stew.

I've tried sukiyaki in Labrador, And I don't want no more. No, I don't want no more. I've tried hot tamale with Turkish shish kebab, But I prefer corn on the cob.

You'd never think they'd go together, but they certainly do: The combination of English muffins and Irish stew. The Mexican army has eaten salami and onions from Peru, But it don't compare with English muffins and Irish stew. No, it don't compare with English muffins and Irish stew.

One of the songs on that compilation that Christine Alvin put together on the c.d. one meat ball was "Tomato Puddin'". I can't recall the artist's name....Jeff?? He is an actor and the name escapes me now I think he is involved with a theater group called rose?? Oh my.s aged y Google...Jeff Daniels

MEMPHIS WOMEN AND CHICKEN As recorded by Dan Penn on "Do Right Man" 1994.

[spoken:] I see the sign: "Memphis, twenty-five miles" It goes like this:

I'm headin' into Memphis, Memphis, Tennessee. There's one place in this world I can get some'n' good to eat. I'm hungry for some lovin', some fried chicken Cooked up greasy an' finger-lickin'. I know just where to go; there's this woman I know. She shakes it up right and lets it simmer real slow— Memphis women and fried chicken. Memphis women and fried chicken.

Over on Union there's a good ol' gal. She can smoke a pig; she can fry some fowl. She got biscuits in her oven, cornbread in the pan. I get by to see her ever' chance I can. I catch a whiff when I turn the corner. My mouth starts to water and I'm a goner For them Memphis women and fried chicken. Memphis women and chicken.

Yeah, I take my old guitar and I go down on Beale, Play some good blues and get a read good meal. I don't care if whiskey ever hits my lip As long as I get a taste o' them barbecued ribs.

Now that ol' woman up on the bluff makes her livin' makin' pies. Got them choc'late-covered fingers, dark blueberry eyes. Got the light powdered sugar sprinkled all in her hair. Her apple turnover is beyond compare. When it's hot, late and sticky and you want some'n' cool an' sweet, She keeps her handle crankin' on that homemade ice cream. Memphis women, good fried chicken. Memphis women and chicken.

[spoken:] That's the thing about Memphis: Ever' time I come down here it speaks to my senses. It's got some'n' to do with— They got that fried chicken. They got that fried chicken. They got that fried chicken. They got that fried chicken, Down in Memphis— Fried chicken. Barbecue too! [ad lib and fade]

YOUR GREENS GIVE ME THE BLUES As recorded by the Rev. Billy C. Wirtz on "Deep Fried and Sanctified" 1988.

Baby, don't you know it's a sad circumstance That I wear the apron and you wear the pants? Yo, but baby, I love you; that ain't the question. Your cookin' would give Godzilla indigestion. Your chicken ain't clickin'; your greens just gi' me the blues.

You deep-fried the jello; you boiled the bacon. The artichoke told me his heart was breakin'. I ate one of your biscuits; the dog ate seven, And now he's restin' up in canine heaven.

Now that cake recipe that you got from your mom, It looks like Hiroshima after they dropped the bomb. You totaled the toast. Just look at this roast! Your fried chicken just ain't clickin' and your greens still gi' me the blues.

You even fouled up the turkey. You make my beef kinda jerky. Well, your chicken ain't clickin' and your sweet potato, stewed tomatoes, ravioli, guacamole, … chowmein, quiche Lorraine, and most of all, your greens just gi' me the blues.

Adam McNaughtan from Glasgow (Scotland) has two grand food-related songs.

The first is Cholesterol, inspired by a west of Scotland health campaign for healthier eating. To the tune of the WW2 song 'Bless 'em All', Adam produced memorable lines like '"Brown bread with a low fat paste thinly spread on' (margarine) / May be healthier than a meat pie / But I don't give a hoot for their yogurt and fruit / I'll have Black Forest gateau and die! / Cholesterol, cholesterol -- my chance of surviving is small. / The cream I consume, it might lead to my doom, / but I love my cholesterol!

And a wonderment of word smithery is to be found in his tribute to a very local Scottish delicacy, the Tunnock's Caramel Wafer! Scots are well known for their sweet tooth/teeth and this song celebrates the hundredth anniversary of the baking company who became renowned -- following the removal of rationing restrictions post-WW2 -- for sweet biscuits/cakes such as the tea-cakes and the aforesaid Caramel Wafers.

This was mentioned by Mark Roffe on 26 March 1999 (who earlier referred to it incorrectly as a "papaya song." This is my transcription; it needs some correction. In particular, I'm sure the last half of the last line is very wrong, but I can't get do any better. Also, I don't know what "mango vert" means—does it mean an unripe mango?

MANGO VERT As recorded by Mighty Sparrow.

1. A Yankee man and a woman was in confusion. This Yankee man and a woman, whoa-ah! was in confusion. The woman give him something to eat with stringy, stringy hair but it tasted sweet. He say: "I rather do without; you stick up in me teeth and don't(?) wash me mouth."

CHORUS: She said: "You eat it right, the hair won't stick in your teeth, And you're bound to say how it tasted sweet, sweet, sweet; But if you eat it wrong, don't walk in the street. Ev'rybody will know when they see the hair in your teeth."

2. So the Yankee man tell her: "Honey, tell me why you're forcin' me. As a rule, when I'm done, scrub me teeth, I want nothing more to eat." So she said: "Take it easy, Joe; it seem to me like if you don't know, But this thing is tasting so nice, if you eat it once, you must eat it twice." CHORUS

3. At the time, I living next door; what they talking 'bout, I don't know, But the conversation interest me, so I listenin' attentively. She try to rub the thing in he mouth; he started runnin' and jumpin' 'bout. She said: "You think I making sport; keep a-runnin' or I push it straight down your throat, Joe." CHORUS

4. As I leave, I wanted to know; I ain't care if they call me mango. After listening attentively, I knock on the door very boldly. When I bust the door and I enter, I see them standing up in the center. The stupid Yankee catching cold feet; he's a mango barely man 'fraid to eat(?). CHORUS

BOOGIE WOOGIE BLUE PLATE Words and music by Joe Burhkin & Johnny De Vries. As recorded by Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, 1947.

There's a gal at the local beanery. She's a pretty hunk o' scenery. She can make a choc'late soda go s-s-s-s-s. You oughta go around and dig it When she's workin' at the spigot. You can hear her calling orders like this:

Give me a ham white down and a burger rare, Side o' slaw an' a seven-layer, O.J. up, wreck two in a cup, And a boogie-woogie blue plate.

Give me a crippled beef on a load o' hay, Combo rye and a bottle of "A," Comin' through with a slab o' moo, And a boogie-woogie blue plate.

Oh, you did, so you did, and so did he and so did I, And the more I think about it sure the nearer I'm to cry, Oh weren't them the happy days when troubles we knew not And our mothers made Colcannon in the little skillet pot

Did you ever hear 'bout Pete? Just Pete, plain Pete. He had a market down the street. Pete was a dealer in meat. Ask anybody you meet About Pete, and they'll repeat: His ways are sure a mess, But his meat is always fresh.

[§] All the butchers, how they envy Pete, 'Cause ev'rybody's crazy about his meat. They hang around his store And gang right in his door. One thing sure: I know that Pete don't cheat.

People come from down in Alabam' 'Cause they've heard about his boneless ham. They never get enough Because his meat ain't tough, And ev'rybody's crazy about his meat. [§§]

Once he was dealin' in wood, And bus'ness wasn't so good, And he started dealin' in ice, But things didn't turn out nice, So he took it in his head, Commenced sellin' bread, But bus'ness was complete When he started dealin' in meat.

[REPEAT FROM § TO §§.]

[Barbecue Bob (1928) and Vance Dixon (1931) each made recordings that seem to be derived from this version.]

A man say I had something looked like new. He wanted me to credit him for some o' my stew. Say he's goin' up the river, tryin' to sell his sack. He would pay me for my stuff when the boat get back. Now you can go on up the river, man, and sell your sack. You can pay me for my stew when the boat get back.

I got good stew and it's got to be sold. The price ain't high, I want to get you told. Go on up the river, man, and sell your sack. There'll be stew-meat here, baby, when the boat get back.

Now look here, man: what you want me to do? Give you my stew-meat and credit you too? You go on up the river, try an' sell your sack, 'Cause I'll have my stew-meat here when that boat gets back.

I credit one man; it was to my sorrow. It's cash today, credit tomorrow. So hurry up the river, baby, an' try to sell your sack. It's gonna be meat here, when that boat get back.

Now it's ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You try my stuff one time, you can't get enough. So go on up the river, man, and sell your sack, 'Cause the stuff'll be here, baby when the boat get back.

I. As recorded by Roosevelt Sykes with St. Louis Bessie (Bessie Mae Smith), 1930.

I been … all day; ain't had a bite to eat. Walkin' the street … for a butcher to cut my meat. Now it's night; still lookin' for a butcher to cut my meat. 'Cause I cannot sleep till I get a butcher to cut my meat.

I want you cut my bacon and grind my sausage, too. (2x) You's a real good meat cutter an' you know just how to do.

I want you to cut my liver, chop my ribs, and cut my steak. (2x) Ev'ry time I think about you, it make my poor heart ache.

I've had a fire in my range an' water in my pot. (2x) You ain't cut my meat yet, an' my range is still gettin' hot.

If you can't cut my meat, I'll get a butcher from way downtown. (2x) But my range is still heatin' an' my damper need turnin' down.

SPOKEN: You know they tell me the shortest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, And woman, if you listen, I got a few shortcuts fer ye, by doggies!

1. Now southern fried chicken, good hot biscuits like my mama used to make, Good hot biscuits smothered in gravy—that's what really takes the cake. I love you, darlin', but my heart is in my mouth, And you gotta make fried chicken like my mama makes down south.

CHORUS: I love you, darlin', like I love that good fried chicken, And good hot buttered biscuits like my mama makes down south.

2. Now, baby, if you really love me and you want to be my wife, You'd better practice up on your cookin' cause mine's a hungry life. Be like my mama; put some coffee in the pot, And fry me a lot o' that chicken, and keep them biscuits hot.

3. Now you'd better look out there, little darlin', 'cause I know that chicken's hot. If it won't fit into a skillet, then you'd better go get a pot. I like your cookin' and I want you to be mine. Your biscuits taste like mama's and that chicken sure is fine.

[Not to be confused with another song by the same title, recorded by Jimmy Work. I classified that one as a train song.]

She mak's them for the Christmas ceilidh, Tops them aff wi' sprigs o' holly, You micht think that awfy silly, Daein' that wi' stovies. When Burns supper cam's aroond, In the kitchen she'll be foond, Haggis, neeps and tatties roond, But ye cannae beat her stovies.

Closely followed by my Pizza song, which arose out of a wee family disagreement, when my daughter wanted to give her friends that pizza that had had been languishing in the freezer far too long, and Dad said no!

THE PIZZA SONG Trish Santer - Oct 2002

Chorus Well, you can't eat that pizza, 'cos it's mine, I bought it for a very special reason, There ain't another pizza quite like it in the world, So leave it in that freezer just a-freezin'.

I went to Tesco's Friday 9 p.m., I waited for the girl with the stickers and the marker pen, When she marked that pizza down to less than half a crown I had the very best bargain in the end.

Chorus

It may be just a simple Margarita, But I have plans to make it taste much sweeter, With a full tin of anchovies, and half a pound of stovies, And pepperoni, cheese and more tomater.

Chorus

I'm saving it for after the theater, We won't have time to eat till so much later, It's then when we're both starving, that pizza we'll be halving, So tonight you'd better have a baked potater.

Chorus

So now it's at the bottom of the freezer, Where maybe it could be forgot for ever, But in a year or two, when it's perma-frosted through, I'll be so glad I kept that bargain pizza.

Today I went to see the "WW1 America" exhibit at the Minnesota History Center (which will soon go on tour), and one of the things I discovered there was this remarkable novelty song, where various foods represent nations at war.

THE WAR IN SNIDER'S GROCERY STORE Words and music by Hank Hancock, Ballard Macdonald, & Harry Carroll, 1914.

1. Hans Gustav Snider, A local provider Of groceries, canned goods and such, Had read of the war, Till himself and the store Were both what is known as "in Dutch." His brains he'd been feeding On so much war reading, He woke up one night in a fright. He rushed down the stairs, Fell over two chairs, And turned up the groc'ry store light.

CHORUS: There were eggshells bursting near and far, Above the Russian caviar. A Bismark herring by itself Was pushing all the French peas off the shelf. An Irish potato started to cry When a Spanish onion hit its eye? Frankfurters fighting all over the floor, Howling and growling: "We're the dogs of war!" There was "Sunny Jim," upon a horse, Swooping down with all his "Force." The paprika, Growing weaker, Shouted out: "Won't you open that door?" And a couple of tough Vienna rolls, Shot a poor Swiss cheese all full of holes, In the terrible war in Snider's groc'ry store.

2. Dutch pumpernickel Had joined a dill pickle, Attacking the fresh navy beans. A Limburger cheese Greatly strengthened the breeze, And anchovies, prunes and sardines Were fighting an army Of dago salami, And that's only half what he saw. He jumped into bed, Put ice on his head, And went on the wagon once more. CHORUS

Just plant a watermelon on my grave And let the juice [slurp] run thru. Just plant a watermelon on my grave -- That's all I ask of you. Now a chicken or a duck or a turkey may be fine, But nothing could be sweeter than a watermelon rind, So just plant a watermelon on my grave And let the juice [slurp] run thru.

CHORUS: Sandwiches are beautiful; sandwiches are fine. I like sandwiches; I eat them all the time. I eat them for my supper; I eat them for my lunch, And if I had a hundred sandwiches, I'd eat them all at once!

1. A-roamin' and a-travelling and wanderin' along, And if you care to listen to me I will sing a happy song. I will not ask a favour; I will not ask a fee, But if you have yourself a sandwich, won't you give a bite to me?

2. Once I went to England and visited the Queen! I swear she was the grandest lady that I've ever seen. I told her she was beautiful and could not ask for more. She handed me a sandwich and she threw me out the door! CHORUS

3. Once I knew a pretty girl, the fairest in the land. All the young men in the county, they were asking for her hand. They?d offer her the moon and they would offer her the sea, But I offered her a sandwich and she said she'd marry me.

4. Now a sandwich may be egg or cheese or even peanut butter, But they all taste so good to me it really doesn't matter. Jam or ham or cucumber, just any kind will do, But I like sandwiches; how about YOU?! CHORUS