On July 4th, 2006, I embarked on a quest to become the pre-eminent American portrait painter of the 21st century. This blog chronicles that journey. With apologies to Joan Didion, I call it THE YEAR OF MAGICAL PAINTING.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Go Cards Slash Not Safe for Work

Bobby the Gravedigger is one of my true buddies. And a maniac Red Sox fan. So if you see him, don't tell him what I'm about to tell you:

I'm rooting for the St. Louis Cardinals. Easy to say now, you're thinking, since they just went up 2-1 in the series. On an obstruction call, of all things. But I'm not talking about betting. I'm not talking about money. I'm just talking about rooting. So it's okay.

First of all, there's the whole Keith Hernandez connection, and Keith is my all-time favorite baseball player. Second, there's the whole Carlos Beltran thing, and Carlos is a player of whom I'm extremely fond. He takes more shit per square inch for watching that Adam Wainwright curve ball go by him without swinging than anybody deserves.

And truth be told, my fondness for the Red Sox is really a function of my antipathy towards the Yankees. And that's a false emotion. That's not how one is supposed to live one's life. Liking the Sox because I hate the Yankees is the sports analog of playing the derivatives market and not just picking stocks. It's the work of Satan.

So I'm rooting for the Cards because I want my boy Carlos (Charlie Belt-One) Beltran to win a World Series. Plus, those Red Sox beards are annoying.

And, speaking of baseball, here's the best thing ever ...

NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

It's a tongue in cheek documentary about my boy Keith Hernandez. There's pornographic levels of sex and nudity in the last quarter, but the play at the 5:30 mark (I'm telling you from memory, but it's definitely before the six minute mark) is one of the most extraordinary plays in baseball ever. And the recurring Seinfeld stuff is, like Teri Hatcher's breasts back in the day, spectacular.