Making Your Expat Assignment Easier on Your Family

Executive Summary

Where do expats go wrong? About 80% move with a partner or family, and it’s often the inability of those people to acclimate to the new environment that causes assignments to fail. Before accepting a temporary reassignment to another country, involve your partner or family in the decision and anticipate the changes it will mean. Prepare for the move well in advance, and discuss the tradeoffs of the choices you’ll need to make. Be particularly sensitive to the possibility that your transition experience may differ from theirs.

As companies expand globally, executives are increasingly being tapped for expatriate assignments. The idea is to spread talent, expertise, and knowledge from headquarters to foreign offices, and vice versa. But these are costly moves — $311,000 per year, according to a report by PwC and the Cranfield School of Management — and many fail to generate a return on investment. Studies show that an estimated 6%–10% of such assignments are terminated early, while an unknown but sizable percentage involve unnecessary struggle and underperformance.

Where do expats go wrong? About 80% move with a partner or family, and it’s often the partner or family’s inability to acclimate to the new environment that causes the assignment to fail. According to surveys from BGRS, executives’ most cited reason for giving up a foreign posting is “family concerns,” including adjustment difficulties, partner career issues, children’s education challenges, quality of life, and lack of practical support.

However, in my seven years of working with expat assignees, I’ve found that, in most cases, such problems can be avoided. The key is to recognize that an international move is a multistage process — decision making, preparation, moving, and, finally, settling in — each of which requires a systematic approach.

Deciding to Move

It is essential to gauge your partner or family’s interest in and commitment to the move, and to together consider all its potential consequences, as early as possible. First, frame the decision as a real choice — go or stay? And consider the degree of change: A relocation from Amsterdam to Brussels is very different from one to Guangzhou, China.

Next, focus on the pros and cons of each alternative, laying out the full implications for your career and your partner’s, any children or extended family, and your social and support networks. Try to anticipate and discuss the impact of changes in family dynamics — e.g., shifting from a dual-career marriage to one where a spouse stays at home, or replacing a grandmother babysitter with a professional nanny. These discussions will not only shape your decision about whether to accept the assignment; they will also help shape expectations and avoid resentment later on.

Preparing for the Move

Identify the most important choices you need to make — timing, housing, support network, schooling — and think about how to make the new location “home” for each family member. Acknowledge the challenges of the transition and be explicit about the tradeoffs involved in your choices (e.g., putting kids in local schools may benefit their language skills but make the initial adjustment tougher). When it comes to picking a home, open and then narrow your options: House or apartment? Rent or buy? How big? City or country? Once your partner and/or children are all on the same page, start looking from afar.

You can also begin to build your new support system before you go. This includes institutions (child care, health care), routines (schedules, activities), and people (friends, colleagues, caregivers, teachers, doctors, other service providers). Beyond the basics, you might want language lessons or career coaching. Study up on your destination, too: culture, history, people, what everyday life looks like. Reach out to expat organizations and forums for referrals and advice on dealing with practical needs, such as finding a pediatrician who does home visits or understanding recycling rules.

Finally, know and discuss how available you’ll be during the transition. If work will consume you for your first few months in a new role, everyone needs to plan for that.

Making the Move

Leave well, so you can enter well. Budget time to say goodbye to loved ones and set up ways to keep in touch from abroad. Send out your new contact details, equip grandparents with tablets and Skype, set up social media groups, or start a family blog. Also stay connected with your partner and children. Make time for each other, and keep communicating, whether it’s to express excitement or concern, hopes or fears. Ensure that everyone stays healthy by eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, and occasionally taking a break to relax. You can’t spend every waking hour packing, unpacking, or handling logistics. Go for a walk, visit friends, have some fun. When anyone feels overwhelmed, think about how much you’ve already accomplished in executing the move.

Settling In

Even if you’re extremely busy with work, know that family should come first in the critical first few months. Be alert and sensitive to their needs. Check in with them. Make sure they are supported. Listen, empathize, communicate. Be particularly sensitive to the possibility that your transition experience may differ from theirs.

As the assignee, you’ll be familiar with your company culture and may already know some colleagues. Your partner and children are likely to feel much greater culture shock or isolation and will probably carry a heavier logistical burden. If your partner made career sacrifices to move with you, acknowledge it and seek out resources that will help them find new purpose and fulfillment.

If you have children, prioritize them. Help them unpack their boxes and create their own space in the new home, escort them to their new school, and sign them up for favorite activities, so new routines are immediately established. Maintain or create rituals, such as a pizza-and-movie night on Fridays or bowling on weekends, that provide stability and comfort.

Finally, expand your social network. Go out, explore, and talk to your neighbors, or join a sports club, an expat organization, or the PTA, all while continuing to stay connected with family and friends back home through regular calls and invitations to come visit. Both sets of relationships, new and old, will improve the transition for everyone.

While nothing makes an expat move easy, approaching these four steps systematically can greatly improve your chances of making it a success.

Katia Vlachos is a public policy analyst, researcher and writer on cross-cultural transitions and expatriate life. She has a Ph.D. in policy analysis from the RAND Corporation.