Horse-obsessed artist critic awards War Horse four out of five horseshoes

In case you're unfamiliar with the genre, EVERY horse movie is about a plucky young person forming a special bond with an otherwise difﬁcult and unruly horse. Because that's the dream, for a wild creature to totally trust you and become your buddy. It's the ultimate ﬂattery. It's also the ultimate disappointment when you take riding lessons and your horse doesn't care about you and tries to rub you off on a tree.

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I saw the play version of "War Horse" in London a couple of years ago (on the night that the Queen and Phil showed up, in fact). A viler, more manipulative piece of YA trash I've never seen. (The American school girls in front of me were moved beyond tears.) The puppetry was remarkable, but wasted in such claptrap.

When I heard Spielberg was going to make a film, I realized at once he was the perfect director, given his level of hackitude and utter lack of interest in actual human beings.