No one but Madonna uses Madonna’s toilet. At 53-years-old the material girl is the sole queen of the porcelain throne, or as she may be so inclined to say — insistent upon a private bog, a cloakroom to call her own, a loo not built for two.

This bit of bathroom business hearsay comes courtesy of In Touch Weekly who reports:

“Madonna doesn’t even let her kids use her toilet,” a friend tells In Touch. “It’s just her thing. She is very generous, but this is the one thing she doesn’t want to share,” adds the pal, who explains that 53-year-old Madonna is very cautious when it comes to anyone else tinkling in her territory.

Bloody brilliant, I say! Or I would, you know…if I were British. (Or grew up in Detroit and magically became British. Hmmmm.)

Anywho, back to the loo.

If I had my way I’d pull a Madonna and keep a crapper all to myself as well. No one would use it. Not the kids, not the hot young boyfriend (I admit nothing), no one.

Perhaps my enthusiasm for Madonna’s private privy stems from my disdain of our current “pee-soaked hellhole” of a bathroom, as Joyce so eloquently put it. I’ve tried, very hard in fact, to teach my 6 and 5-year-old sons to aim well and keep tidy. Alas, this is a bathroom battle I can not seem to win.

Currently they’ve been relegated to one bathroom in the house. A bathroom which I go out of my way to discourage any guest popping by to avoid like the plague. Barring any major bowel emergencies the boys are absolutely forbidden to use the grown-up bathroom.

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24 Responses to Madonna: Sole queen of the porcelain throne

Karen Dsays:

September 1, 2011 at 3:07 pm

My downstairs/guest bathroom is off limits to the kids. That way the cleaning is minimal and I am assured of a (mostly) clean bathroom at all times. They have their own upstairs and I occasionally let them use my upstairs bathroom. I’ve never felt guilty about restricting the downstairs–it keeps me sane:) The husband, however, is allowed to use it.

I think Madonna is a freaking genius. If I was filthy rich and had that firm, toned Pilates body, I would have my own toilet in a second. My mom has a similar rule. My stepdad is lucky she’s shares.

kingsmomsays:

September 1, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Heaven forbid she ever has to “go” outside of her own home. Whatever will she do?

Jamiesays:

September 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

My husband and I have our bathroom downstairs and the three kids share the upstairs one. They clean it themselves. And while I have been known to let my stepdaughter use our bathroom in an extreme emergency, the boys have never been allowed. I hate sitting in pee-which happens every single time I am someplace where we have to share (Grandma’s, the cabin, etc.)

smelsays:

September 1, 2011 at 5:51 pm

okay i have to admit that would be awesome to kick children and husband from toilet. I am tho slightly disturbed at what her hand looks like in the picture. good grief! Is that what happens when a person ages?! I’m terrified to age now.

Sara McGinnissays:

September 1, 2011 at 6:03 pm

@smel – The one holding the clutch? I didn’t even notice at first. Yikes!!

Chloesays:

September 1, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Holy $h!t, it’s a crap trap, let everybody use it! And make everybody clean it too, on rotation!

Annesays:

September 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm

I do have my own bathroom but that is mainly because of the way the house is built. The kids have a separate bathroom. We have a third bathroom that I do not use because I want it clean when we have guests. I’ve found that having to clean up their own mess is a remarkable cure for carelessness. Five and six-year-olds are finally old enough to clean so that should help some.

Bevsays:

September 1, 2011 at 8:27 pm

madonna always looks crazy.. i think she takes diuretics to keep thin. thats why her hand look so veiny and bumpy. and about the toilet i hear shes OCD thats why no ones germs can touch where she goes.

Kristinasays:

September 1, 2011 at 9:23 pm

That is QUITE the fantasy for someone like me who has only one bathroom in my house for five people (eight during the hurricane)!

Jen2says:

September 1, 2011 at 11:25 pm

I can’t stop staring at her arms and hands. Gross.

Danny's Mommasays:

September 2, 2011 at 5:42 am

We only have one bathroom I would LOVE to have my own private bathroom, for no one else but me. I can just see it now… Not a single spot of pee on the floor, walls, or ceiling. No stickers stuck to the bowl. Not a sailboat, rubber ducky, or McDonald’s squirting toy in sight. No hair in the sink! No schmootz on the mirror!

I call it heaven.

Wellsmomsays:

September 2, 2011 at 8:43 am

Yeah, I noticed the freaky hand, too. No bathroom rules yet, but I think I must develop some as I’ve noticed the condition of our bathrooms deteriorating now that my son has begun peeing standing up (not to mention his father…). At least in the master bath we have a nice loooong counter with two sinks so I have my own clean sink and surrounding space. Hubby’s side is scary.

Samantha Schoechsays:

September 2, 2011 at 10:03 am

Funny post. Hell, yes I would have my own bathroom and in addition to a toilet it would have a lounge, fireplace, hot tub and minibar (along with a housekeeper to keep in spic and span).

Stacie Lewissays:

September 2, 2011 at 11:46 am

Sara – I grew up in Detroit and magically became British! Does this mean I get my own loo? Please say yes. I want to declare it for America and refuse my husband entry before the chili he ate for dinner establishes residency.

Sara McGinnissays:

September 2, 2011 at 12:24 pm

@Stacie – only if you now speak with a British accent for no apparent reason.

Kirstensays:

September 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Oh, I would so love to magically become British (currently residing in Detroit)! Having a bathroom to myself seems even less likely, though, with only one in the whole house. I would settle for getting my husband in the habit of putting the seat down. He is out numbered here, 3 to 1, but it doesn’t seem to matter…

Heather Bsays:

September 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm

@smel- that was the first thing I noticed too, and the second thought I had about getting old! That, and if you’re so toned your veins bulge like that is it really worth it?

Lori M.says:

September 4, 2011 at 6:35 am

Sadly we only have 1 bath for the 4 of us but I was just saying yesterday, if we ever moved to a place with 2 baths it would be girls and boys rooms, not kids and adults. I would much prefer to share with my daughter than my hubby! Boys…yuck! =)

Mindi Nicolsays:

September 4, 2011 at 9:15 am

You could always try draining the toilet and painting a red bulls-eye in the bowl allowing it to dry. When my Love was young, his grandmother did that before he and his brothers were supposed to visit. They couldn’t get the boys out of the bathroom because they kept trying to hit the target.

Angiesays:

September 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I built my own house 5 years ago & have 2 toilets in my master bath just so i don’t have to share anymore! It was that or a urinal but I’m so glad I picked I picked the toilet! It annoys me to no end when a guest uses it! I don’t have a fancy house or expensive car/ My own toilet is my only luxury!

My en suite bathroom is MINE, no sharing. DD gets the main bathroom and she gets to share it with any guests. Though she complains if anyone leaves the toilet seat up or doesn’t hang up the hand towel properly. That’s my girl!

Gailsays:

September 7, 2011 at 10:06 am

To smel: the “horrible hand” Madonna is sporting (right hand holding the book, I assume you mean) is not necessarily the result of aging. It’s just huge veins popping out because she has almost no fat on her–anywhere. That happened to me when I was 35 and was working out daily. Take a look at Angelina Jolie sometime when she’s holding her arm down. Her hand (and particularly her arm) will show really bulging veins when gravity does its number on a hand or arm. By-product of being really fit, I guess.

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