The scene: It is 2017. The Hockey Theme plays robustly as Hockey Night in Canada begins on TSN. James Duthie has convened the panel on Saturday night for a special to discuss the sea change that has affected hockey in the previous five years.

James Duthie Hi everybody, and welcome to TSN’s special retrospective on Canada’s teams: The last five years. As you all know, in 2011-12 the NHL voted to realign the league, and they voted to place all seven Canadian teams in the same division. Well, it was seven then, anyway. And of course, this was not actually their first choice.

Bob McKenzie No, James, we all remember how the governors briefly discussed it in September of 2011, but when they voted they actually thought they were voting to order in pizza. By the time they realized their mistake, the schedules were made, and it was too late to change them. Shortly after that, the sandwiches arrived.

Duthie And since someone misplaced the paperwork it was never undone, and five years later, here we are. And what a ride it’s been.

Darren Dreger So true, James. Looking back, at first Canadians were excited, despite the travel issues, the game times, the breakup of traditional rivalries like Montreal-Boston, the slight overall reduction in league attendance, and the fact that fewer Canadian teams might have a chance at the playoffs. This last concern was temporarily mitigated in 2011-2012 when people actually saw Toronto, Ottawa, Edmonton, Winnipeg, and Calgary play.

Pierre LeBrun Wasn’t pretty.

A deranged man in a brightly coloured costume breaks onto the set, bellowing.

Man It was the greatest thing they ever did! The greatest! Beauties! Canada! Give me back my show!

Duthie Security!

Chris Pronger leaps out and matter-of-factly elbows the man in the head before dragging him off the set.

Duthie Man, I don’t know how Don Cherry keeps getting in here.

McKenzie I thought he’d been reduced to yelling on streetcorners, and on Sun TV.

Dreger Poor devil.

Duthie As we look back, let’s start at the beginning. When the seven Canadian teams were put into the Molson Great White North Division presented by Tim Horton’s beginning in 2012, there was palpable excitement. They could have rejigged it when Phoenix became the Quebec Nordiques in 2013, and when the Florida became the Toronto Giants in 2016, and then this year, when New Jersey became the Saskatoon Roughriders. But the first two were left in the Frito-Lay East Coast Elite division, while Saskatoon will play in the Buffalo Wild Wings Western Division. The Southern Comfort Division, meanwhile, had to be altered as well. And of course, when the Hamilton Blue Jackets begin play next year, this may all need to be readdressed.

McKenzie That’s right, James, and initially it was a fun experiment. It spoke to our nation’s love of hockey, and our desire to claim it; Canadian hockey superiority just kept growing and growing as we added teams. The fight for broadcast rights became massive; coverage only increased, especially after the bidding for this program in 2014. Five years ago if you had told me that there would be a Canadian arm of TMZ dedicated only to hockey players, I would have shaken my head. Now, Patrick Kane has his own reality show, and when Steven Stamkos starred in his one-hour special last year, The Decision, it was our highest-rated program ever.

LeBrun Of course, there were the riots in Toronto that night, guys, when he chose Los Angeles.

Duthie That trend towards some kind of fevered national hooliganism began with the Vancouver riots of 2013 and 2015, the annual Montreal riots, and of course the time that garbage can was tipped over in the Byward Market in Ottawa.

LeBrun What a night in the nation’s capital.

Dreger And of course, there was the pitchfork-and-torches revolution in Edmonton that deposed the front office and replaced them with Ryan Smyth in 2014. Smyth made the franchise’s seventh consecutive No. 1 overall pick last season.

Duthie Of course, there have been high points. Vancouver remained the class of the country for several years, which helped distract people from the fact that they only stop paying Roberto Luongo big money next year. Montreal’s Carey Price has become the best Canadian goaltender of his generation, winning a pair of Vezina trophies and starting at the 2014 Olympics in Sochi. Winnipeg didn’t start really complaining about the team for about a year or two, and Teemu Selanne has done a fine job as the team’s head coach. Ottawa eventually returned to the playoffs; Toronto did, too, even if Brian Burke never did get those schools named after him. We added Quebec and that second team in Toronto, after only 26 months of ferocious litigation by Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment. Calgary’s rebuild continues, but at least Jarome Iginla became the Premier of Alberta.

LeBrun He would have run as a centrist, but he was so used to nobody occupying the centre position he just couldn’t imagine it. Still, it worked for him.

Duthie So guys, when we look back at the last five years, what did this do for Canadian hockey?

McKenzie I’ll tell you what it did, James. It made the teams worse because of the travel and the pressure and the competition, but it didn’t matter. It only accelerated the madness that grips this country all year round, where rookie games are now televised, pre-season practice scrimmages attract thousands of paying spectators, and teams now sell media access to newspapers, because they can. So many stars avoided playing in this hockey greenhouse; so many guys cracked under the pressure. And that’s why the Canadian Stanley Cup drought is now at 24 years, and counting. But then I’m not sure that all wouldn’t have happened anyway.

Almost Done!

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