Join me in figuring out "what now?"

I’ve never been predictably methodical about writing in this blog and as such, doesn’t have much of a following. My other blog gets much more visits due to the large number of projects, writing, photos, time and attention. But what I have to say can’t be said on the other site, so please understand that this is one of the hardest – strike that – the absolutely, most insanely difficult thing that I know I will ever write.

I have been writing and re-writing and editing most of the day. I guess there is no simple way to say this, so I will just say it: Late on March 23 or early March 24th, the single most precious and my only true reason for living – my beautiful son Streeter – took his own life.

Suffice to say that this hit me – is hitting me – very, very hard. Once the police and medics and medical examiners had trampled every piece of me to bits, I can say simply that I am broken.

Those of you who really know me, know that nearly five years of infertility treatments – including 6 IVF procedures – were required to bring that beautiful, happy baby into this world. I had him less than 23 years.

We were often known for our spontaneous travels about the U.S., last year we went to Arches National Park in Utah, that’s Streeter dutifully obliging me with a pose:

The year before we went to Texas for a week, doing The Alamo and San Antonio, cruised through Dallas/Fort Worth and spent a few days on the beach at Corpus Christi.

We were notorious for travel and usually on a moment’s spur. Grand Canyon, New Mexico, Oklahoma City, Dodge City, Chicago, Des Moines, Nashville, Yosemite, Hawaii, every square inch of California, Phoenix, Oregon, Washington…. on and on and on.

A ways back, we posted our current state visits (mine on the left, Streeter’s on the right):

Our plan for this summer was to drive to Alaska. This would have filled in a couple more states for Streeter. My plan is to still go and spread his ashes along the way and in Alaska itself.

I have set up a “GoFundMe” account and appreciate all gifts no matter how large or small. I just want to do this for him.

Here are some photos of him from recent years. He was my whole world and without him I feel broken. I hope this trips helps me through the grieving process.