Cool Eli Was The Coolest Kid At The Pro Bowl Draft Last Night

That right there is what you call effortless swag. The coolest kid in the room without even trying. No designer clothes, no perfect haircut, no effort required. Roll out of bed without combing his hair cool. Five o’clock shadow at noon cool. Just a nice watch to show some class and a pair of shades to cover up that hangover from drinking out of dad’s liquor cabinet all night. The big swinging dick of the schoolyard. The head of the popular kids table without ever trying to be popular. He’ll walk right past the hottest girl at school and tell brace-faced self conscious Judy that he digs her new sweater. He’ll make his teacher blush when he notices her new glasses. He’ll ask the nerdy kid next to him for help on a question even when he doesn’t need it just to make that kid feel cool. And he’ll throw the game winning pass to the kid with no hands at recess just to give that kid his moment to shine. All the girls want him, and all the guys want to be him. But he just wants to chill out and do his own thing. He’s not trying to be anyone else other than him. That’s the It Factor that Cool Eli has. The Montana of our era. Kind of crazy to believe he only has two rings.

P.S. Cool Eli doesn’t need to Google how to tell his girlfriend he loves her. All Cool Eli has to do is give her that look.