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Is it possible...

That a baby just won't ever learn a correct latch or suck no matter how much time or effort you put in? My baby is nearly 11 weeks old and we have had problems since day one. It's better than it was, but I really can't keep going like this. He was born with a tongue and lip tie (both clipped at 10 days, although I'm considering whether there might be rehealing, or it wasn't clipped enough the first time), a mildly high arched palate (doesn't seem to be an issue or as much of one now that he's bigger), a tiny mouth (getting better now, I have large nipples so this one has been rough), a loose, misaligned jaw (corrected with chiropractic and craniosacral adjustments), mild low tone, and significant cranial bone misalignment leading to a dysfunctional suck. I've seen an IBCLC (who I feel was only marginally helpful, the pediatric dentist who revised the ties, a chiropractor, and continue to see a craniosacral therapist, who has been the most helpful.

At this point, he still does not latch deeply enough 98% of the time. I do my best to get an asymmetrical latch and deposit the nipple as far back as possible but he doesn't pull it in most of the time and often pushes it out to where it's comfortable for him (and painful for me). My nipples are often bruised or blanched, sometimes creased or ridged on the sides. I can feel his tongue rubbing on my nipple and sometimes he is clamping on it with an up and down motion, sometimes has a reverse suck, sometimes has a correct but weak suck with a chomping jaw or loses suction or I can feel the hump of his tongue sliding up across the tip of the nipple, rubbing and pushing it forward, when he closes his jaw/swallows. He clicks, clucks, and pops. I do have an overabundant supply and forceful letdown on one side, but none of this is improved by leaning or laying back, or on the normal side, if I am very soft, or with a slow flow bottle. I did not give him a bottle until 6 weeks and that only because I now have severe anxiety whenever I nurse and sometimes I just can't push through. He cannot hold onto a pacifier, and often just moves his jaw and doesn't get suction with his tongue at all. I can't nurse him laying down, it hurts too much. Cross cradle is the only position I have any success. I can't get a deep enough latch in the football hold.

He often cries/is fussy like he is in pain 15-20 minutes after a feeding. He thrashes his arms and legs and arches back. Not every time, but often. He doesn't spit up much (my first spit up buckets) and has very little gas- only when pooping and I don't get anything by pumping his legs or massaging his belly. The last couple of days he hasn't slept well during the day. Seems fine at night, but during the day he will only sleep in the wrap after I wrestle him in (screaming), hold him really tight and bounce or walk quickly, and then only stays asleep for an hour or less, and is really restless/easily woken.

He usually shows huge improvement right after a craniosacral therapy session but doesn't maintain the improvements.

He is growing fine and has loads of wet and poopy diapers. I wash diapers every night and there are generally about 15-18 of his in a load.

I have one other IBCLC I can call.

I just don't know where to go from here, if this is the end of the road. My stamina is completely worn down and this has been affecting my mental health for a while. I also have a 2.5 year old to care for, who has his own issues and he is really getting the short end of the stick. Is is possible my baby will just never nurse comfortably? I can't keep going if there's just nothing more I can do. But I would be heartbroken if I gave up now when if I had just tried one more thing or held on a little bit longer it all would have been perfect.

Sharon
SAHM to my boys: Z, my land-lubber born 11/09
Nursed for 22 months, 18 of those with a tongue and lip tie
Allergies to peanuts and tree nutsE, my water baby born 05/12
Currently nursing through the aftermath of a tongue and lip tie revision, still trying to work it out

Re: Is it possible...

It will get better, mama. I promise. It can take significant time for a baby to grow out of latch problems. It took my first kid- high palate, short tongue- 4.5 months to grow enough to latch correctly onto my nearly flat nipples. I had horrendous cracks that finally closed only at around 5 months. But once it got better, it was awesome!

Re: Is it possible...

Hang in there!! You are doing a great job!
It also seems like your baby might have reflux, even if he doesn't spit up that much, the crying and arching his back is typical. I would ask your pedi, I don't like to take/ give meds but after I had DD1 suffer from reflux and no one suggesting anything, I knew DD3 had it too, I told her pedi and she gave me an antacid that did wonders!
In a couple of months you won't even remember how hard this was for you

Re: Is it possible...

My DD apparently had a very small mouth (according to the LC I saw) and could never get a very good latch. I have to admit breastfeeding was frustrating for me well up to the sixth or seventh month. So many times I wanted to quit, but I somehow kept on going. Even when her latch improved, I had a lot of problems with clogged ducts--possibly related to her still-not-great latch. It did get easier eventually, but it took us a long time to get there. But I'm glad we stuck with it and, with another baby on the way, I'm feeling a lot of trepidation mixed in with the determination.

It sounds like you've been through a lot already though, and with another child to care for, it must be so stressful for you.

I wasn't sure from reading your post whether you've actually seen an LC yet. Definitely give that a try before giving up.

Re: Is it possible...

i just have to say you ladies are so inspirational to me. After having issues for 7 1/2 weeks, although we are getting help now, I often wonder how much longer I can go on. Seeing how you guys can stick it out for so long sure does give me hope. Good luck I'm sure things will get better for you. May be worth seeing another consultant. If you have a few available find one you feel comfortable working with & who will go above & beyond to help you. I've found that finding the right LC makes a world of difference!

Re: Is it possible...

I could have written your post myself! My son is nearly 12 weeks old and we have very similar issues. He had his tongue tie diagnosed and clipped at 3 weeks of age, unfortunately scar tissue formed and he needed it redone 2 weeks later. He has also been having cranial osteopathy because he had a forceps delivery, but his latch still isn't great, although it is getting better. I'm not in as much pain as you and we are managing to struggle through.

We saw our tongue tie specialist/IBCLC last week and she said his tongue was still quite tight, and he still had tension in his head and neck. She suggested we carry on with the cranial treatment as she thinks it will help, so this is what we are doing.

We introduced a bottle in week 2 on the advice of a midwife, I did regret giving it so early but to be honest, I think we would have had the latch problems whether he had a bottle or not. And we are still supplementing him a bottle a day, so I know he is getting enough (I am pumping at the same time) and this is reassuring.

I just want to wish you luck and hope it improves enough for you to carry on

Re: Is it possible...

Normal, healthy , thriving , weight gaining and challenging?
sounds like whatever you are doing, you are doing the right thing by this LO.
He is so luck to have you as his mamma.
You are feeding his body and his psyche by building his sucking/latching abilities.
"The I can do this" feed back loop is important to him too.
Good Job.