Friday, July 28, 2006

True Wife Confessions 32 - a full set of adult human teeth

Confession #311

I love you more than anything in this world. You are my love, and I know that I will be with you until we are old and gray. I try to be good and sweet but I fucking hate your mother and can't stand that you talk with her twice a day, everyday! I know why you do it, I truly understand, but that doesn't matter to me at all. I can hardly stand to be in the same room when you talk with her cause she makes me spitting mad with her random stupidity! How did you ever come out of a fucked up home such as the one your mother created? I hate when she comes to visit and I count down the days until she is gone. If you ever let her stay with us as long as last time, I will find every possible thing to do away from the house so that you will have to manage with her all by yourself. I promise. You have made me promise that if anything ever happened to you that I would take care of her, well, Baby, sometimes I just don't know if I will be able to keep my end of the bargain.

Confession #312

Sometimes I am struck dumb by the fact that I got a fantastic mother-in-law as well as the amazing son she raised.

Confession #313

I am so thankful that I "manage" the finances because you will never know that the reason things are so tight now is that we are paying for my 4 month stint with an online gambling addiction!

Confession #314

Guess what? I do not like having sex with you. Contrary to what your MOTHER told you, size does matter. I understand that you had a birth defect, but there are times when I can't believe that for the rest of my life I will be having sex with a man who's penis is literally an inch and a half long. AN INCH AND A HALF! And keeping the lights off during sex does not mask the problem. I love you with all my heart, but I hate your tiny penis.

Confession #315

I wasn't dropping off documents at "Mike's", we were following around and doing drugs.

Confession #316

I really hate it that when I look around our room, Isee a hamper in the corner. And that on the floor,less than 4 inches from that hamper are your dirtyunderwear. About 6 inches from that, some raunchysocks. And a t-shirt. I've seen you play basketball,so I know you understand the concept. HIT THE BASKET.How 'bout for each time you score a basket with yourdirty laundry, you score in bed? Bet we still onlyhave sex once or twice a month!!!

Confession #317

Just stop bitching. I love you. You are a wonderful, handsome man and a goodfather. We had our bad times in the past but now things are good. We have awonderful life. Our kids are beautiful. We have a great home in a niceneighborhood. We have decent jobs. Why do you bitch about everything??? Wewent on vacation last week and our twelve year old asked me why you complainabout everything. Just stop it. You are driving me crazy.Confession #318

Whenever I meet any of your friends I have dreams about having sex with them because sex with you is so routine and boring, I dream of a man who will initiate sex with me instead of making me ask. We're in our 20's why am I only getting some one or twice a month if I leave it to you???? We don't even have any kids.....

Confession #319

In all the years we have been together you have never once told me that my body turns you on. You always seem to point out women that look good. You don't realize how many years I have suffered inside. You tell me that my face is so beautiful and my inside person is so good but I don't fucking want to hear that. I want to hear that I look good and know that when you close your eyes you are thinking of me. Not of the woman that you undressed with your eyes earlier that day. Or the friend of mine that is nice and in shape. Why did you marry me if you wanted to change me so much? It is sad that when we have sex I get off by thinking about you and that girl you told me to look at in the store. Because I feel you are screwing someone else and not me...

Confession #320

I thought I would feel bad about cheating, but I felt cheated that it was bad

I love my belly dance lessons but I never intend to dance for you

you are very good in bed, very good

when you take over cooking supper in the middle of it because it dawns on you that I am monitoring our child in the shower, folding laundry, cooking supper, and cleaning up the living room; don't stop cooking supper

when you have a day off and I have to work, stay out of the bathroom, stay out of the kitchen, as a matter of fact stay in bed until I am gone

If you refer to watching our child as babysitting one more time when you talk to your friends; when I get home I am going to pay you and ask you to leave. You aren't babysitting you are parenting!!

#314..You poor dear.:( Not even 2 inches?Does that even qualify as a Penis??I know there is small [the 4 incher I tried to help out and couldn't even do that..I mean what do you do with something so small?]But then there is small..I suggest investing in a Big Ol Dildo,and getting some real action..That really does suck for you.. Look on the bright side.. Blowing that would be a Breeze...HAHAHAH

I'm wondering of the women who complain about lack of sex. I mean this in the nicest of ways, but maybe you have "let yourself go?" For the women that are not sexually attracted to their husbands, could that be the case as well (that your husbands have let themselves go?).

Sex is definitely a mental act, but you also have to feel a physical attraction toward your mate as well. Of course as we get older, our bodies change, but we should try to do what we can not only for our mates but for or physical and mental well-being as well...

One time I was watching Maury Povich and the subject was grossly over-weight children. What I noticed in most cases was that the parent's that were defending their children's unhealthy stature were pretty large themselves.

We must take accountability. If our children our fat, we need to take a look at the family's overall diet. If our mate is not physically attracted to us, maybe it is because of our abuse and neglect of our bodies.

I'm not trying to put this all of on women. I see plenty of men with rolls and beer bellys as well.

I'm not trying to be superficial and shallow, but I noticed lack of intimacy is a common complaint here and I wonder how much of it has to do with the obesity epidemic in this country. I know there are other issues at play as well, but we must look inward sometimes too.

To the last person who commented- how easy to pull the "fat card" and blame weight. Newsflash, sweetie. Not all people find extra weight to be unattractive.

Maybe, just maybe, did you consider that the lack of attraction is coming from two people who just don't like each other any longer? It's hard to get turned on by someone you annoys the crap out of you.

My best friend is drop dead gorgeous and so is her husband. They lost interest in each other sexually. It had nothing to do with looks. Obviously they are two sexy people who probably look perfect when naked. They just couldn't stand each other any longer and are getting a divorce.

Sometimes lack of sex drive goes way beyond looks.

For the record, I'm not fat. I'm someone who knows how difficult it is for some people to maintain their weight. Especially after having children. Obviously you are either a looks-obsessed male or a woman who's never had a weight problem or has lost a lot of weight and has forgotten the struggle.

I DID acknowledge that sex is mental AND physical, so please don't chalk my comments to an obsession over looks.

You write me off as a superficial person based on what I said. Based on what you said I could assume that you seem overly sensitive about the matter and must either be over-weight or have a constant struggle with it.

Also, contrary to what you might believe, I'm not of the belief that being rail-thin equates to sexually attractive.

I do, however, think maintaining a reasonable weight is good for an individual and his or her mate. I am not sorry for saying that. Additionally, I know people who are hindered in their sex life because they don't feel sexy BECAUSE of their weight, so maybe in our overly-sensitive, politically-correct society, that is not the right thing to say, but it's true and sometimes the truth hurts.

I was just throwing an idea out there, as I am free to do. Sounds like it hit a little too close to home, "Sweetie."

In defense of 4:41. Any person who would neglect and hurt the person they are supposed to love and vowed to support for life because they gained a few (or a lot) pounds is not worth the trouble of losing weight for.

What I see here is a shallow, hollow, shell of a human being who resorts to insults when being called on their worthlessness. And for the record, I am not fat. Someone who I love very dearly is and has been made to suffer horribly for it. If you had a brain in your sorry head you would know that emotional abuse only makes a fat person fatter. Congratulations on being a complete dumbass. Looks like you work pretty hard at it.

How does it feel to be insulted when you are just trying o make a point?

It's very interesting that person can be called a shallow, hollow, dumb-ass for mentioning, God-forbid, weight here.

Any one see the irony here? "Don't be so insenstive and rude to bring up weight issues you shallow, hollow DUMBASS."

Just who is resorting to insults here?

You are not supposed to call fat people fat. Fat people are "big" "fluffy" "big-boned."

Pointing out that weight can be a factor in physical attraction isn't a mean insult. It's just the truth and when people stop being so sensitive and stop tip-toeing around the issue, maybe something can be done about the obesity epidemic in this country.

If you are over-weight or one of the many "not that I'm over-weight but I'm speaking for those who are" (um, right...), maybe you should take a look at why bring up the weight issue bothers you so much!

"Just who is resorting to insults here?" I thought the last line of my post made it clear that I was only trying to give 3:57/5:51 a taste of his own medicine. He was insulting to 4:41 when that person only expressed a different opinion.

"Pointing out that weight can be a factor in physical attraction isn't a mean insult. It's just the truth...." Okay, I will agree with you, to a point. You can't help it if you like the looks of a skinny person more than a fat one (yep, I used the F word). But I stand by my statement that it is shallow to allow a persons looks to dictate how you treat them. If you love a person less because they don't look as good as they used to, then there is some basic component of decency missing from your character. I can't think of any way to express that without being insulting.

If I am overweight (there, feel better?) or if I really am simply outraged by the way I have seen my sister emotionally abused by her husband is not important. By making the weight of the person expressing her opinion an issue, you are really saying the opinion of an overweight person is less valid than that of one who is not overweight. That is just wrong.

Okay, I'm a new poster here. Anyone who makes the weight issue THAT big of a deal is as bad as the husband that #319 is referring to. The 3:57 poster may not realize it, but he/she actually is coming off as superficial and shallow, despite their inability to own up to how they sound. Yes, there is some truth to losing a sense of attraction to your mate if they stop taking care of themselves. But what you're not seeing is the bigger picture: along with that downward spiral of control physically is a symptom of something alot deeper, usually including the eroding state of their current relationship. Sorry 3:57, but you do not sound like someone who is either married or has ever been in a long term relationship. Not that those experiences equate with having weight issues or dysfunction, but I would think you'd have a little more sensitivity to begin with. If anything, you do kinda sound like you've had issues in your past with your weight yourself. Otherwise, why would you bring it up in the first place?

My guess is that 3:57 is either a guy who is trying to justify the "No Fat Chicks" bumber sticker on the back of his car, or a woman who has made herself miserable to stay thin for a man who is not worth the trouble.

I am a new poster here. I am also overweight. I was not overweight when I got married 2 years ago, because I had dieted myself to the point of insanity to drop about 35 pounds for the big day. After the big day, the weight, of course, all came back. Plus some extra, actually. Not that I am blaming genetics totally for this, but some people struggle more with keeping it off due to predispositions. I eat better and less than my 125 (almost underweight) husband, yet I still have trouble losing weight.

However, throughout all of my fluctuations in weight--both when we were dating and now that we're married--my husband has continued to find me attractive, and he tells me so often. I count myself very lucky, because I know this is not the case in all marriages.

In the past few months, I have gotten motivated on my own, am exercising daily, eating better, and slowly and safely losing weight. I feel better about myself, and more sexy, but I think that is because I am motivated by my husband's love and acceptance of me. Had he been hard on me or pushed me to diet, the mental stress could, I think, very easily have caused the opposite effect.

Just some thoughts from someone who has been on both sides of the fence...

I am the person that initially made the comment about weight. Based on what I've said people have insuitated things of which I feel no need to justify in this forums, but I will tell you I am woman.

At no time at all was I saying that increased weight was justification to treat anyone mean or deprive them of love. If you look OBJECTIVELY at what I said, you would see that I was merely pointing out that weight CAN be a ONE factor in physical and sexual attraction.

This is a really interesting forum.A woman can confess that she uses her husband's toothbrush to clean the toilet and she gets an "alright sister!" She can confess that she's a cheater and she gets an "amen girlfriend." She can confess that she hates her husband and she gets an "I hear ya!"

But let one WOMAN merely broach the topic of weight and physical intimacy and you are ready to lynch HER.

I never outright called anyone fat. I never said anyone deserved to be treated fat. I acknowledge that sexual intimacy is a physical as well as a mental issue. Maybe if you are so offended by someone bringing up the issue of weight, you should take a look at why that bothers you so much.

Of course I realize that other issues are at play. I realize there is more to life than the exterior. I in no way think anyone should be treated poorly because of their exterior, so don't twist my words.

To the original offender: You seem to be twisting everyone else's words. What you don't seem to understand is that the part of what you said that offends people is that you went straight to the weight issue. If you've been reading these confessions, and paid careful attention, there is more to marital woes than lack of sex drive and attraction. There are women in this forum who have to deal with insensitive, selfish morons on a daily basis. Some are getting hurt verbally, emotinally or worse, physically. And we've found a place to vent,relate,laugh, and feel a little less alone with our daily shit. Of ALL the reasons in the world for all that shit that we put up with, why would you be stupid enough to even think it's all about our bodies and how we present ourselves physically...even for a second??? We all know we don't want to be unattractive to our mates, or even for our own knowledge. But to go straight to the weight thing as an up-front reason for marital strife is just coming across as ignorant,SWEETIE.

Of ALL the reasons in the world for all that shit that we put up with, why would you be stupid enough to even think it's all about our bodies and how we present ourselves physically...even for a second???

First off, I have not resorted to name-calling with you, but I'll get to that in a second.

I have maintained repeatedly tnat intimacy and the physical exterior are not mutually exclusive, but, again, you chose to twist my words.

As you pointed in your comment, women here are very free with their feelings and opinions and I am free to do the same, even if my opinion is not popular.

Additionally, I am a woman that puts up with shit myself. That, however does not make me immune to comments and opinions that I don't necessarily agree with or like. If you don't like what I have to say, that's fine. You don't have to agree with my opinion and that is what is great like a forum like this - the free flow of ideas.

Women are not monolithic. We do not have one view or one voice. We have different views and opinions and are as diverse as our beautiful faces and, yes, shapes.

If you are ever open to what I'm trying to say, maybe you will someday be ready for articles like this:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Healthology/story?id=267395

Do a Google search on obesity and sex and you will find article upon article like this, so if this wasn't a VALID and TRUE correlation, there wouldn't be articles, books, and dvds devoted to the subject.

Of course, as I've said ad nauseum, I know there are other issues at play, but I was talking specifically about intimacy as it relates to weight.

Lastly, I'm sure you won't hear anything I have to say as you chalk me up to being stupid.

There is A LOT I can say to counter the label you have given me, based on what I perceive to be your defensiveness on the subject, but I won't do that because to do that would reduce you to the way I interpret your comments on an internet forum and that would be inaccurate. I don't know you and I have no idea what you are like, what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what makes you sad and what you do in your life.

I just have to chime in here. To "The Original Offender." I don't understand why you posted in the first place if it was not to defend the husbands who are not satisfying their wives. Why did you post if not to point your finger and say, and I am paraphrasing here, "If your husband does not want you, maybe it is because you have let yourself go."

I read the article that you linked to. That article is about a medical study that notes a lack of desire in overweight people, due to health issues, or perhaps, self-esteem. It is NOT about overweight people whose partners have lost interest in them. That is what we are talking about here. That is the debate you started. Don't try to give validity to your opinion by referencing an article that has no bearing on your initial argument.

If you can find a scientific study, by a respected instituion, such as Duke that says overweight people have been determined to be less worthy of love and sexual fulfillment than everyone else,then link us up, Baby! I am ready to read it.

As it relates to the article, lack of a sex drive in those that are obese can and does affect their partners as well, so the article I reference is valid.

If you actually read what I said I said perhaps that part of the problems regarding lack of sex might have to do with weight, this article support that argument.

While it doesn't say that a person is perceived as less attractive due to increased weight, it does maintain what I said about the weight and sex correlation. I did assert that physical attraction has to do with it, but I also discussed weight as it relates to our own body image (i.e. feeling sexy).

Maybe I'm wrong, but I still don't see why what I said is so wrong. Furthermore, maintaining a healthy weight is good for you physically as well as mentally.

And since no one can hear what I am saying you chose to continually cast assumptions about me, let me get down the the level of which you are trying to paint me anyway.

Put the Twinkie down, step away from the computer and put Jenny on speed-dial, you defensive fat bitches!

Your original post was a response to confessions made by women who were dissatisfied by the fact that their husbands were not intitating sex with them and were not meeting their emotional needs in a sexual capacity. That does not sound to me like women whose sex drives are being suppressed by their BMI. Your article was about decreased sex drive as a symptom of obeisity. If you don't see the difference, I can't teach you here and now.

I never said that it was healthy to be fat, nor did I disagree with anything in the article. I just questioned the validity of your evidence to the argument at hand.

I do not believe you posted your response out of the goodness of your heart to educate the fat girls about the negative impact of obiesity on their health. You sound just like my ex-husband who would call me a fat bitch, and tell me it was my fault our marriage was falling apart because I had let myself go. I believe he threw in a twinkie reference or two as well. Then he would follow up by saying "but Honey, I only say these things because I love you and am concerned for your health." I am 5"11' and wear a size 12. That makes me fat in the eyes of fashion designers and hollywood casting directors, but not doctors. When I went to my doctor for help losing weight in order to save my marriage he refused to give me diet pills and refered me to a divorce attorney. It was the dest prescription I have ever been given.

So you can dismiss my statements as those of another bitter fat girl or you can just own up to the fact that what you said was hurtful to people who did nothing to hurt you. Telling a woman that her marriage may be in trouble because she has "let herself go" is hurtful and callous, no matter what your intention.

Hey Original Offender, 11:53 here... Where in these posts did you decide that all of these issues were all directly about physical intimacy or sex? At no time was anyone here posting about sex drives. You decided to go there all on your own and now you are trying to convince us that there is some validity to your point. Which is moot. You obviously have trouble understanding what it is you have said that offends people, no matter how many of us have tried explaining it to you. Its as if you've created your own podium and need to make some point...to someone, I guess.... Citing some unrelated article to justify your need to stand some unrelated ground comes across as self righteous and pompous. As far as those twinkie remarks...incredibly immature.

#3145 & #318 ARE ME!!!!! Except my man is like 4 inches. I love him. He's perfect. Cleans, loves me and CLEANS, and cleans himself... I have the best husband ever, but our sex life sucks. He probably thinks it's great. I wonder if he's figured out why I need a glass wine - EVERY TIME.

I orginally thought I was merely posing a question in regard to intimacy problems, but I know that my remarks hurt and offended people and I'm sorry.

Though it probably won't be believed I wasn't trying to blame anyone for relationship problems. I know that there are two sides to every story when it comes to relationships and the answers are not always clear-cut.

Furthermore, I am SINCERELY sorry for my Twinkie comment. Someone pointed out that that comment was immature and that was very true. Ther is no justification for that kind of conduct and I really am sorry that I let such venom spew forward from my fingertips.

Upon some reflection, I see now how my comments came off as judgmental and hurtful. I thought I was making a general comment and therefore it was okay, but I see now how I offended others.

I am not perfect and I know that and everyone has a right to their feelings and what I have to say carries no basis since I don't even know any of you.

Dear Original Offender,Your apology was graceful and well put. It's true, as one post says, we are here to vent about the signifcant others in our lives and feel better with whomever we are with. And since we all meet in this forum to breathe relief in some shape or form, we should support each other as well. You're right: noone is perfect. Here's to celebrating our imperfections...

First off, let me be forthcoming. I am a man and I love this site. I use it for entertainment and in so doing, have discovered I do things that I thought were no big deal that apparently really annoy people. I try to remember to change my behavior accordingly.

I've been closely reading the comments on weight issues. I am not fat. And to be honest, I do not like fat. So, there it all is, up front -- stated so you know where I'm coming from.

If you are someone who finds extra pounds unattractive, you should try to find someone who feels the same way. The problem, as I see it, is that most people lie intially in an effort to seem like they are a "better" person than they are.

I'm not suggesting that people go around saying, "I hate fatties, do you?" But both people in a relationship should be honest about ALL of the things they find attractive in each other from the start. If your husband/wife raved about your body and couldn't keep his/her hands off of you, it stands to reason that his/her lack of affection after you've gained weight is due to the extra weight.

This is not to say that there aren't other issues that lead to intimacy problems as well, but it doesn't mean that you should ignore it or expect him/her to overlook it because their not doing so makes them shallow.

And I will confess, I simply do not understand this attitude (and this isn't the first place I've heard it) of "Telling me I'm overweight makes me more overweight." I know it is legitimate. I know it happens all the time. Hell, I know from personal experience from a past relationship that positive reinforcement works better. I just would like someone to actually explain to me how being overweight and depressed about it leads one to eating MORE. Is it a matter of just feeling hopeless?

Wow, you're a man. Okay... There was never any origianl complaint about lack of attraction or sexual intimacy to begin with. Not in these posts anyway. (If anything, my husband can't get enough, and lets me know waaaay to often). If anything it's more about lack of respect, consideration, maturity,etc..i could go on. Foreplay starts in the mind first. At least for me it does. Its his actions and words that either do it for me or kill it for me. But as far as not understanding the theory of feeling depressed and overweight while still over-eating, I cannot answer for anyone in this state other than remembering what it was once like for me in my own past. I ate to comfort myself. That chocolate chip cookie at the end of the day was a soother,it filled a void, a reward for a bad day, or whatever stressful thing was going on. Also, when you're really dpressed you stop caring about yourself and think "well at this point it wont make any difference. I'm already overweight, yatta yatta yatta" Its a vicious cycle. This is where having a good spouse who can help you climb out of your depression, or lack of motivation, or what-have-you, comes into play. I know mine is not very supportive and it didnt help if he would ask when am I going back to the gym. that would make me want to dig my heels in even deeper and be stupidly stubborn as well as feel self-pity. I knew I had to do it for me but when he would say that it just made me want to kill him, b/c of it felt like I would be doing it for him. How very egotistical of him! In any case, I hope this helps.

That makes perfect sense. I guess different things effect people different ways. If my SO told me I was getting a little round around the middle or asked when I was going back to the gym, I would obsess over any fat and get it all off. But I can certainly see how, if you've put on a bunch of weight, you could feel like it doesn't matter if you put on some more. And I'm stubborn as well and can understand why you might think, "I'll go back when I want to, not when this asshole tells me to." Thanks for the explanation.