20 December 2009

19 December 2009

3 Hours after Josh's dad called, I received a phone call from a Californian Photographer Leila Jones. She asked me to be her second shooter at a wedding the next day at the Bountiful Temple. I tried to be the best I could over the telephone but I was hurting and I knew I needed something to take my mind off of Josh. my thoughts needed a release. Then I thought about Josh and how much he encouraged me to BE. BE the better part of myself, BE ready, just BE.

I accepted with a cheerful heart, and I have no regrets.

Look at these two love birds. I loved documenting their love, their committment and their joy.

And it came to pass, that we lived after the manner of happiness - 2 Nephi 5:27

Thank you Chase and Becca for allowing me an opportunity to share in your special day.

I bawled before I set foot on the grounds and when I left the Temple grounds. A true day of peaks and pits

18 December 2009

He passed away last night. I have no idea what to do and all I want is to be numb from the pain. Peace and pain are passing through my heart together. I want you to know, what you love about me is because I got it from this kid. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up and someone as we grew up we raised each other.

He called me his favorite and sometimes I didn't know why.

If you have ever had a good back massage by my hands, it's because they were trained on his back.

If I have ever assisted you on the soccer field, it was because he taught me how to give a good ball.

If I have ever made you laugh, it was because he gave me the confidence to be silly.

If you have ever lost to me in a leg war, Josh knows how you feel. {okay, probably not}

if I have ever gotten your braces in your mouth stuck to the carpet, I'm sorry, BUT Josh DID IT TO ME FIRST.

If you ever let me love you, it was because he let me love him, quite a bit actually.

The memories of goodness flood my mind, there are no words to say how much I owe josh for loving me back.

I know that his capacity to support is beyond my abilities. The confidence that I wear on my sleeve, he lent it to me freely.

I know that his gentleness was recognized and well received by many.

I know that he loved me more than I could ever love myself.

My wonderment for connection between two people was met by him.

and I already miss him like crazy!

To the only boy I have truly fallen in love with: Josh,

Thank you for being you! Thank you for letting me shovel your neighbors' walks with you.Thank you for the adolescent crushes in high school and the blossomed relationship post.Thank you for sending me on a mission.

17 December 2009

My grades are posted. {except for a photo class} I looked at them. No A's, well A-, but I don't call them an A because the next thing after an A is a B. The minus does not belong in the alphabet. It belongs in math! I must have missed that verse in the alphabet song!

I still remained on the honor roll, which tempts me to take 18-21 credits again in the spring. But lets face it. Let's recap what didn't happen because I was spreading myself too thin.

1. My room remained messy. I cleaned it here and there, but not everywhere.2. I only held one boy's hand.. WHAT A HORRIBLE STAT.3. I turned down photo shoots because I took a saturday LOWER DIVISION photo class. Please do not ask specific question regarding this, It was a mistake borderline sin. It was like I was punishing myself or something.4. Travelling = ZERO5. I did not submit any artwork into any shows.6. social life= ZERO7. soccer= ZERO8. Weight gained.

If my dad were to compile a list of what didn't happen, there would be one thing and one thing only on that list.

1. I didn't get married.

gosh, that is such a great list. It is all I really ever asked for. Who needs Santa?! Just slab on the credits! extra gravy please! Partial sadness if you ask me. So now i need to reverse the list...

So............I am enrolled in Spring but will be doing an apprentice under Steve Jobs. You see, he dropped out of college but still attended. He attended courses that interested him, but opted for the non credit audit part of it. So that is my plan, you know, putting all my swweeettt stalker moves into action.you know lurking around the students with their homework. WHO DOES THAT? it's weird sounding but I can't wait. I am taking 12 credits but will make cameo appearances in the following courses.

I'll attend every blue moon to ease the pain of spreading myself to thin, you see, I'm an addict, RECOVERING OF COURSE.

Its also the legislative sessions, since mi padre works there 45 days straight I was thinking I should probably find a husband this semester, but I am uncertain if our foundation should be started politically, however, I do need to make sure he can hold his own.

01 December 2009

I raced the sunlight on Thanksgiving morning. The canals of Willard steamed as the sun began to rise. The sunrise was on my tail. Tempted to stop, and set up the tripod and turn on the bulb setting, the scenery was lovely, and I was basking in my own gratitude. I didn't stop because me and the D90 were racing the sun on Thanksgiving morning.

(You see, the sun comes up first in Ogden and then wraps it's light north, around the three peaked mountains in Willard. President Packer calls them the Presidency. In all their majesty and glory, he is right. )

I did a family shoot in the chill of the morning before the turkey was even prepared. and way before we lose sight of the holiday because we can't see over our stomachs.

I am glad I was up that early on that day. Not for the turkey, but for the experience to race the light and then chase the light through the lens of a camera.Dear Buck Family,

I will never mail this letter, but you must know that I had a very enjoyable time, despite the 31.5 degrees. It was for a good cause and good causes are good memories in my book.

I loved watching your kids "cheese" out loud. Know that I didn't capture anything that didn't already exist before. You all love each other and I felt it and the frost on the ground knew it too because it seemed to melt in your presence.