Are You A Barbie Girl?

JD is currently obsessed with thisElmo doll. GF Carlo gave it to him for Xmas. And by obsessed I mean, JD basically kicks the sht out of it every night, it falls down and begs: "Can you help Elmo* up please?" JD looks at me and I help* Elmo* up and Elmo says: Thank you. You're* Elmo's* best friend--and JD karate chops him down again and laughs--really laughs. I want to bottle his laugh. Me? I was a Barbie girl all the way. This one time...

GF Carlo and Uncle Bri hung all of my Barbies from the top floor of our house by shoelaces. Traumatic. Another time I gave one of my blonde dolls a haircut and my mom was like: "Chris, that's not going to grow back." What! I was six, people. It was...traumatic. I got the pink dream mansion one Christmas. I don't remember it exactly, but I do recollect a lot of pink, plastic bars and cheap cardboard. It was awesome. But, when GF Carlo and Uncle Bri wanted to torment me they kicked it apart. Sigh. Still, I loved my Barbies. They slept in this little purple cradle that sat under the bank of windows in my bedroom. Memories. So sweet and far away...

But Barbie my lovelies, is a controversial child's toy you know. Check out this article and tell me: Do you think Barbie is too thin and a contributing factor in the eating disorders of impressionable girls. Eeep! Now, I always thought she had a nice rack and a tiny waist, but I never really thought her a realistic model for my bod--any bod. She was just my tan toy who smooched Ken in the pink Corvette. She also smelled awesome, like plastic-powder-perfume, aka: Plasfume. Mmmm.