MOAYW – Chapter Fourteen

At times marriage is not about asking too many questions and that is where a lot of women I feel get it wrong. Your husband can tell you that he is about to die and has a message to give you in five seconds and you will find the woman demanding to know when why and how? It is like we want clarity on the obvious as though we can change it. I put everything in Mthobi’s gym bag, and stood there for a couple of minutes dumb-struck, first of all how was I going destroy these things? I was not even sure what these things were to be honest but I trusted my husband so I will do as he says! I could not exactly go outside and light them up on fire these are suburbs you don’t just burn things and moreover what would I say I’m burning to my parents? I can’t go throw them in the dustbin what if they got into the wrong hands. How do you even destroy a passport is that even legal? Isn’t that like illegal like burning money? I had so many questions, I decided to put the bag in our room under the bed, that’s the only place I could think of. This is not destroying I know but it’s getting them out of the way, out of his office at least. I went to the lounge to go join my parents and we were all happy and chatting.

My mother suggested we say a small thank you prayer, she prayed for like 10 minutes which was extremely long for me since I wanted to tell Andiswa about Mthobisi’s strange request and I wanted her advice on this. Women cannot keep secrets that’s myself included. There is a saying that my former male boss used to say and I used to think he was chauvinistic by it. He would say “there are 3 ways to spread news via telephone, television and tell-a-women” and when I think back on it, he was right. We cannot keep anything to ourselves, if a person tells you a secret and includes the words “don’t tell anyone” it is late for you shem! Never say those words to a women for as soon as you turn around she will pick up a phone and call a friend and tell your secret and also include the “don’t tell anyone” line which of course the other friend will also tell to another person and within a week everyone in your circle will know the secret. You usually hear of guys who committed a crime in a group and one person gets caught, the guy who gets caught never reveals the name of the other guys he was with even with the most painful torture from the police. He will even spend 10 years in jail and not say a word about who he was with guys stick together and always have each other’s back. With us it’s a different story, no women will go to jail for another person, they hear the word prison and they start singing names and revelling secrets that they were not even asked about. Its not because we are weak but because we value self preservation above all else.
My mother finished praying, I took Andiswa to the my bedroom but when we got there I realised that I could not tell Andiswa this not until I knew exactly what was going on. There are something’s that you just have to keep to yourself especially things that you suspect might be illegal. Friends will be the ones standing up in court testifying against your ass, so I just told her how happy and relieved I was that Mthobisi is safe. We went to the kitchen and prepared supper. We ate, I am a good cook even if I say so myself, everybody loved the meal. Mthobisi called while we were having diner, he told me that he was back in his room at the BnB, he told me that since there were no flights available his company had charted a plane for them. He would only be coming back the next morning and I shouldn’t worry about picking him up from the airport because the company was also having drivers pick them up from the airport and drop them home. The company was pulling out all the stops I was impressed. Mthobisi asked if I had managed to do the favour that he asked me to do earlier, I said yes doubtingly, he asked if I was sure, I said yes I just didn’t want him to worry about this and that’s why I lied. He asked to speak to our son and I put the phone in his ear and he was just talking his baby talk which made all of us laugh. We said our goodbyes and he said he would call me before the next morning before the flight takes off. Andiswa decided that she would go back to her house that night. I was really grateful to her staying with me through this, some friends are just too precious and I never took Andiswa for granted at all. I knew I was very fortunate to have this woman in my life. Victor went to bed early and I stayed up with my mother and son who could sense the excitement and would not sleep, my mom and I talked for hours. My mother does not talk to me like a friend, she had made that very clear from a young age. I might have gone to multi-racial schools and mixed with white people who said their moms were their best friends but not in my household. Mom was boss I was child and obedient and if not there were ways of enforcing that obedience. Growing up! My mom was very strict, there were limits to what I could tell her, I couldn’t share everything with her. She told me the funny stories of how my son kept them on their feet all the time and the cute little things that he did. I was glad that my mom was bringing up my son, she was such a strong woman and had installed such good values in me and my sister. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her and how grateful I was to her and Victor for everything they did for me. We went to bed and I slept with my son in our room. Next morning at 06:00 Mthobisi called saying he was boarding his plane and would be home around 08:00 so I decided to get up and clean the house, I was so excited, my mom and Victor soon woke up I guess it was from the racket I was making while cleaning and I made them breakfast at about 09:30 Mthobisi arrived, I was so happy to see him, I jumped on him and hugged him, I never wanted to let him go, I wanted this moment to last forever.
We called his mom and she was also very excited that her son was safe and sound and she said she would come over in the weekend as she couldn’t take time off work, I was glad I did not deal have to deal with his mother. I suggested to Mthobisi that we do a braai just to celebrate and invite a couple of people over. He really didn’t want to but I would not hear of it, he was home safe and we had to celebrate with our friends. My mom and Victor said they would be leaving that afternoon I didn’t want them to go but they had things to do so I didn’t push them to stay because I needed answers from my husband and with them around I couldn’t really ask him questions. As soon as they left Mthobisi said he was exhausted and wanted to sleep, I thought I should let him rest he would explain himself when he got up, besides we had all the time in the world, there was no rush. This gave me a chance to get my laptop and do a bit of work. I replied to emails and called a few people just letting them know that Mthobisi was home safe. There were a lot of mails from Cindy about work, couldn’t she handle this on her own, from her mails it seemed like the whole project was falling apart. I decided that I would go to work the next to try and salvage the situation. I prepared dinner Mthobisi’ s favorite meal, grilled steak, baked potatoes and veggies while I was still making the food, Mthobisi came into the kitchen and said he has just received a call and quickly needs to head out to Hillbrow as there was something he needed to sort out for work and he would be back in 2 hours. He kissed me and was out the door before I could ask what business their company had in Hillbrow, his office was in Woodmead and as far as I knew Mthobisi had no connections in Hillbrow. I was beginning to get a very bad feeling about whatever was going on here.
Mthobisi was back in 2 hours like he said he would be, we ate and I asked him to tell me what was going on, what was he doing with all those passports and why was he now going to places like Hillbrow? Everyone knows what Hillbrow is famous about, prostitutes , illegal immigrants and drugs! I knew he was not doing drugs so if not drugs it had to be prostitutes so I asked him if he was buying prostitutes. I had to know because at this moment I did not know this man that I was married to, all these secrets that and schemes that were going on right under my nose were freaking me out. This was not the man I had known for over 8 years, this was a complete stranger to me and I was so confused I needed answers anything to justify himself out of this situation. He explained that the reason why he had gone to Hillbrow was go to explain to the wife of one of the miners what had happened to her husband who had died while they were underground. I did not believe this story, I’m not stupid, Mthobisi is an Engineer and he has nothing to do with miners or their families, but I decided to let it go, I was tired and decided let me just enjoy my husband being home and let this go, I will ask him more questions tomorrow when he has properly rested. I did not tell him about the woman who had called looking for him whose voice had been familiar to me because I still was not sure whom it was.

We went to bed, made love, it was not earth-shaking or mind-blowing, it was just making love. We then both fell asleep. In the middle of the night while we were sleeping we both jumped of the bed from the huge banging at the door and windows, the were people outside “screaming open up this door it’s the police” my eyes almost popped out of my skull, I remembered the bag and told Mthobisi that I had passports under our bed he jumped out of the bed and went on his knees looking for the bag, he grabbed it out and did the most strangest thing, he got on top of our bed and moved a piece of the ceiling and threw the bag in there and told me to wear a gown as I was naked and go open for the police, I did as I was told, when I got to the lounge to open the door, the police were threatening to break the door if we didn’t open, I quickly told them that I was coming. I opened the door, as soon as I opened the door about a dozen cops carrying guns rushed inside the house and had torches which they were shinning on my face and asked where Mthobisi was. I was so scared I almost fainted.

Hi mike I’m 21 and have been dating this guy for four years which the first two were great but as time went on things really took a turn for the worst,we now have a son but he has never respected me,physically and emotionally abuses me,I lost my self-esteem and is self-conscious because of him,I am ready to let him go but its just been so difficult I would like you and your readers to help me on how quick I can get this guy off my mind and system for good!

Thank You

Desperate

PLEASE FORWARD YOUR Q&A questions to mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za and I will post them up

QnA-the is no quick way of getting rid of feelings…you will get over him and learn to live without him eventually but it will take time and wont be easy…just work on yourself and gaining your self esteen back…

Thanks Mike and Thozama, this is getting serious… Can’t wait for next week Sat.
A to Q: we can’t tell you how to forget and stop loving someone. All you need to do is to make a conscious decision to leave the person even though you still love them. Breaking up is letting go, when you feel that love alone is not enough, and break ups are damn painful. They same time heals all the wounds and pain, but when it’s painful and it hurts; even time seems to be taking its own time, and that sucks!!!

@ desperate its a good thing that u’r prepared to let go of that jerk, such people have no sense of respect for others and themselves. You’ve got a long difficult journey ahead of you to get over this jerk.. Stay strong, firm and pray about it.

Ijooooo!!!Mthobisi! de sweet ones r de ones with de bigest secrets.A2Q:u cnt get sm1 of ur system jst like dat bcoz dey hurt u. what u need to do is get out of that relationship take it 1 day at a time u gonna miss him so much its gonna hurt but keep at it some days u gonna cry thinkin about him cry it will fil like the pain wont go away trust me in time it will.dnt be quick to get over him and get into a new relationship and if u miss him its ok coz he was a part of ur life for 4yrs and u have a beautiful child 2geda.one day u gonna wake up and u wont miss him as much as b4 and in time ul b able to move on with ur life

Thanks for the chapter! I’m really liking this story.
Did they say why their son is being raised by his grandmother?

A2Q: It’s good that you realize this man is abusive and you want to leave him. You need to talk to your mom/aunt/grandmother/close friend or someone and let them know what’s been going on and ask if you and your baby can live with them for awhile.

There’s probably going to be drama at first, but you’ll be okay. You deserve better than an abusive man and don’t let him convince you otherwise.

Hey Mike n Thoza nice work cnt wait for next chapter,QA gal its a good u see wats going on,n u dnt hav to hate a person to let him go,do it now as u love him.mina I was once in a simila situation,I left n a still hed strong feeling for him,It used to hurt like hell. I will privetise my phone n call him jst to hear his voice,but in time u will be fine.

thats a nyc read mike ya life its so full of lies especially marriage life yo will never no mthobisi is doing a shady business thats for sure

q&a sister love urself first if u want to be buried young sacrifice the abuse seek help there are powa and staffs leave that man alone and away i knw its so hard to forget but being abused emotionally its another thing let it go u still hav a long happy life he is not your maker pls

yhoo Mthobisi what is this mara? it’s a good thing your parents went home before the drama.
Q&A …..they say the first step to healing is acknowledging the problem at least you do acknowledge that he’s not good for your self esteem. You’re young sisi and can start – over anytime. Believe me when I say breaking up is not the end of the world even married people do brake up and live to tell the tale. It’s not failure it’s recognising your worth. Good luck.