Girl in the mirror

I’ve never really been one to “do something about it”. The idea behind the phrase itself seems foreign; that one could single handedly double cross fate and architect their own destiny. I have heard stories of people who had “done something about it”. Kafayat slid into Josh’s dm’s in October and now they are married with two kids. I wonder how that played out. She must have strolled around the guy’s page, gathered all the information she could as to his relationship status, gotten some friends to psyche her up then struck while the iron was hot. I’m more fascinated as to what Josh’s train of thought was after he received her first message. He must be a very welcoming, open minded person to have let things escalate. Imagine myself in such a position. I would have been polite, responded in monosyllables, but, it would take a miracle for a marriage to form from that. I do more of organic relationships. A friend. Or a friend of a friend.

Times are changing. The moment you set foot in America, your market value drastically reduces by 50%. Blame it on the exchange rate but over here, the shiny cars never stop (it is against the law anyway), the annoying whistles fade and the “essss fyn girl” are reduced to hungry stares, no words involved. You’d go from praying these thirsty niggas leave you alone to wondering when they got a sudden supply of fresh water.

Do something about it

For where? Even the dying naira is not enough to weaken an Igbo girl’s resolve- forever fronting. Besides, doing something about it never works out anyway, it messes up the ecosystem. Was it not the same thing that happened in the other dude’s case. Olams, forever my wing woman, pointed him out first. In my head, I was not interested, but one month later, I suddenly saw the light. He checked out everything on the list. The one I had created to keep myself away from the fuck boys and Yoruba demons of this world… no one ever checks out everything on the list. “I’ll try to talk to him”, she said, and when word came back, he had a girlfriend. Of course he did! The beautiful ones are already taken. You think say na only you sabi better thing.

Do something about it.

Okay. This one time, I decide to hit up my big bro E.

“Hey. Do you know this guy?” “Yes through someone what’s up?” “There’s a cute guy in Nashville that’s what’s up”. “I’ll try and see if he can come out for the independence day party next week”.

Ask for something more personal, aren’t you his preferred customer.

“You know I’m awkward at parties. By the time these girls twerk for him that’s the end”.

I could feel the awkwardness gnawing me even as I spoke.

“Lol. We’ll have a pregame… he’s a cool guy; he’s not like that”.

In my head I’m wondering. Hmmn. Eeeeeehnnehn. So this is what you’ve been reduced to. You’re now asking to be introduced to a cute guy, there is God oooo. I try to console myself. “Times are changing. Right? Right?” I ask Aisha, looking to get validation. “Ahn Ahn, oh Lillie” She replies. “This is literally everything you wanted “Smart, fine as F, Nigerian, Igbo, Doctor, Artistic… like damn, your mother would approve”. Well, I never said doctor but, are you kidding? My dead dad will approve. And my dad approves no dude. “Ha they are making your husband right across the street”, she adds. We laugh and I wait. I wait for the party.

When that day comes, Olams says I look hot AF and she doesn’t compliment except she means it. Big Bro E says I look nice too. They talk for a bit about my well being and I smile. These two are like my parents and they don’t even know it. We all dance and wait.

11pm.

He can’t make it to the pregame but, he’ll come to the party.

12am-1am-2am-3am.

He can’t make it to the party, he’s stuck in a different state.

Like play like play bobo no show. We decide to leave. “Did you have fun?” Olams asks. “My market did not sell”, I reply. “How? 3 different guys came to talk to you.” “I wasn’t interested”. She sighs. “It’s really not that serious, but you know, if you really want to meet this person, you can just hit him up”. In my head, I’m thinking, “That’s true, I am searching for creatives anyway. I can use that angle”. Strategic positioning that technically, isn’t strategic positioning. Smart! Right? Sad?

Take a look at the girl in the mirror. What do her eyes say to you?

Sad , lonely, DESPERATELY seeking a connection.

Do something about it.

But I’ve tried. In my case, these things never work anyway.

Take another look at the girl in the mirror. What do people think of her?

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Thank you for sharing this! You have a beautiful way with words when I read it.
It felt like with been friends for years!
Very relatable! I laughed, cheered, smiled, and sat at the edge of my chair waiting for the mystery man to be reveale.Such a real and refreshing blog 🙂

So I just finished reading your diary and the girl in the mirror post and I’m literarily in tears. I am definitely just like the girl in the mirror and reading your diary is just like reading about myself except the part where you let him go. How did you manage to do that without becoming an emotional wreck? You must be really strong.

There are nights I cry and swear I’d let him go the next morning and when I wake the next morning. I’m like “Chi, maybe he really does love you the way you love him. Hang in there”

I wish I was as strong as you are and could just let go already😢 But I fear I may not feel for anyone the way I feel for him and maybe, just maybe, he really does love me but is acting up for reasons best known to him.

Enough of my rants.

I’m totally in love with your blog and your style of writing.

I’m a writer myself, mostly fiction though and not as dedicated as you are. I have serious recurring cases of writers block😁

I’m inspired by your blog and will definitely pick up my pen again.

Keep up the good work!

PS: Sorry for the epistle and I hope those who are meant for us “buy our market” like before the year ends😀

Lmaoo i appreciate the epistle and i’d love to read some of your work. Comment your blog site if you have one. If you’re referring to the blog post “They say if you love it you should let it go”. I totally understand how you must feel. Trust me it wasn’t easy and i wouldn’t consider myself the strongest person. But, one thing i’ve learnt and that has helped me is the ability to love myself-place myself on a pedestal, because, when you do, its easier to recognise those who don’t value you as much as they should. It’s easy to make excuses for them, I did, but its important to recognise when those excuses are true and when they are just mere excuses. Deep down you’d know. There’s only so many times you can give someone chances to do right by you and if they keep failing its obvious their head is not in it.
Remember people will always fight to get/keep what they want except its not worth it. So the question you should be asking yourself is 1. What am I truly worth? 2. What am i worth to him? 3. Is he worth all the tears and emotional trauma? (There goes my own epistle 😀)