We’re pulling on to the highway for a nice long road trip together that we like to call NBC’s All-Star Celebrity Apprentice. Hope you packed lots of snacks, and brought money for gas, because the journey of a million miles begins with 20 crazy moments from the season premiere.

1. Bret Michaels is slowly turning into Jack Sparrow. The hollowed-out gaze, the eye makeup and the bandana fetish all lead one to believe that Michaels has gone from aging rock star to Johnny Depp cosplay enthusiast before our very eyes.

2. Trump looks pinker than usual. Viewers spent an average of 15 minutes adjusting the contrast on their TVs until realizing that was his actual skin color.

3. Donald Trump is bad at compliments. Congratulating Dennis Rodman on not being drunk and Lisa Rinna on less-cartoonish lip size make for some odd icebreakers.

7. Gary Busey looks terrifying when chopping vegetables. But in his defense, he looks just as scary when brushing his teeth, shopping at Target or playing Angry Birds on his iPad.

8. Claudia Deal-or-no-Deal says “nobody plays the game better than Omarosa” Unless of course you count all the people who have actually won the game ever.

9. Piers Morgan still not leaving well enough alone. As soon as Piers opens his mouth, you know that fireworks will follow. Our advice: stop giving Omarosa a platform for her performance art and she’ll just go away.

11. Lil Jon loves truffle oil. Most of your hip-hop artists are fond of it. It’s like the Cristal of the condiment world.

12. The Kelly & Michael audience have never seen juggling evidently. Why else would they roar like drunken sailors when Penn Jillette spins his meatballs in the air?

13. Nothing says “Welcome” like a shuttered meatball store. Would YOU enter a business establishment that features a “Closed for Private Event” sign in the window – and has Gary Busey and Stephen Baldwin staring back at you through smoked glass.

15. T Boone Pickens has a blonde co-ed army of check deliverers. Strange to see an Oklahoma State sorority girl wandering around the streets of Manhattan handing out $100,000 checks from the richest man in America.