–lurking nearby trying to overhear, and making too much out of things.

Italics would be an exotic foreigner, speaking with an accent, and unfairly favored because of this.

The bolded ones would be fat. Loud-mouthed and opinionated, they would hang out with ampersands: &

Hyphens would be your home-boy, your drinkin’ buddy, and bro’

droppin’ g’s, & comin’ up with the latest slang-thang alla time…

–the M dash would obviously be in a hurry to get to the next sentence–

and the exclamation point would take things personally! ‘Would make mountains outta molehills, and twitch! ‘Dropping things from pockets, and dropping more when leaning to retrieve those things!

The period would be boring. ‘Would be a nine-to-fiver, with pens inna breast pocket of a short-sleeved dress blouse.

the question mark would be curious, obviously, perplexed by Q’s, and the philosophical ones would be perplexed by A’s, as well. These would be the long-winded ones, and really? I think that redirection would stem from subconscious resentment of its hump-backed state…

and the ellipses would go on and on and on—kinda like this—and never know when to stop…

Final thought: why doesn’t punctuation incorporate itself into its term?