Monday, February 25, 2013

I was caught by surprise at how quickly the Super Bowl came around and
then it was immediately followed by Fat Tuesday. Quite the busy weekend for New Orleans! For many, the string of events might stop
there, but Fat Tuesday is simply the beginning of a whole new season. The season of Lent.

I grew up attending Catholic Church and even went through the Catholic
school system so the biblical details of Lent are more ingrained in me than
most people. However, our culture has
publicly celebrated Fat Tuesday and Mardis Gras as another national holiday and,
whether one realizes it or not, the indulgence in opulence is not without
reason. The concept of Fat Tuesday is to
relish in things that one might soon be sacrificing throughout the season of
Lent leading to Easter Sunday.

So now, back to Super Bowl Sunday, I knew that in the days ahead I
needed to identify what it was that I planned to 'Give Up' for Lent. Two weeks later, I had my answer.

Last year I gave up Facebook for the period of Lent with the reason
being that I am easily distracted while on Facebook and can suddenly have hours
pass me by before I decide to return to my real life. I needed a fresh idea so I considered other
indulgences for sacrifice this year such as cookies, swearing, or soda. The thing is, I don't really indulge in much
of those items anyways so the sacrifice seemed too easy and a bit of 'cheating'
since this is meant to be a period of intentional lifestyle modification.

Then, a couple of weeks into February, I unintentionally stumbled
across my answer. It was during a period
where I found myself frustrated and wrestling with various relationships in my
life because I felt disconnected and disengaged from many of the people that I
care about in life. I wanted to place
blame somewhere, somehow, but all I could come up with was "I've been
busy." I shared this with a dear
friend of mine and he looked at me quizzically, then stated "So slow
down." Yahtzee. It was an 'Ah Ha' moment.

Life is full of demands for our time and attention. Work needs longer hours. Your marriage or relationship needs 'work',
aka time and attention. The kids need
you. Your friend needs you. Your aging parent needs you. The to-do list is growing longer by the
second and all we often can do is react.

Stop. Breathe. Look at the demands at hand and
prioritize. We can't be everything to
everyone and the best we can do is follow our heart and be true to ourselves in
how we spend our time because, at the end of the day, it is our conscience that
speaks to us with the loudest voice.

I am giving up the word B-U-S-Y for Lent because I hate the guilt that
comes with disappointing my closest relationships, and myself, when I don't
make the time for things that matter. My
friend was right, I do need to slow down.
I also need to realize that how I spend my time and efforts is a
CHOICE. How will you choose to spend the
Lent season? Will you give anything up
for the remaining month or so? You're
welcome to share in mine, but be warned, giving up this four-letter-word is not
easy.

The beginning of a new year marks one of my favorite times of year --
Awards Season! I thoroughly enjoy seeing
everything from the parade of dresses and jewels float down the red carpet to
the witty banter of various hosts as they attempt to deliver a strong punch
line to the true personalities that will shine through in the form of an
acceptance speech.

Looking back, I have typically associated the images of Awards Season
with statuesque figures of actresses -- tall, slender, flawless in the
face. And then, this year, I started to
see a different image populate the television screen. It is the image of a more curvy and confidant
woman.

Amy Poehler is full of charisma and, in my opinion, did a wonderful job
of providing comedic commentary with class and wit for the Golden Globes. Amy Poehler is not a size 2. Lena Dunham is a rising star with a clear
dedication and motivation for her craft.
She features herself, and others of a more curvy shape, in her show
Girls. Lena is probably not typically
described as a 'skinny starlet'. And
then, last night, as I watched the Grammy Awards I was in awe of the talent on
stage from women like Miranda Lambert and Kelly Clarkson. These award winning songstresses are confident,
curvy, and successful.

I am not looking to pin the two ends of the spectrum against one another
'thin versus not-so-thin' and I certainly can't imagine describing any of the
aforementioned women as overweight.
However, I do find it notable that women of various shapes and sizes
stand as strong examples of confidence, success, and beauty.

I, for one, am relieved to see young girls looking up to such success
stories for inspiration because what is most important is to remember that
redefining normal is what has allowed our society to grow and evolve decade
after decade. Just maybe, this time around,
we might decide that normal is entirely overrated and simply being an
individual is the only normal that matters.

Monday, February 4, 2013

True friends are supposed to be dutifully honest and candid with one
another -- true or false? I struggled
with this riddle over the weekend as I realized that a longtime friend of mine
has developed a friendship with someone that I don't entirely see eye-to-eye
with on....well, most all matters in life. It isn't an issue of being right or wrong, we
are just different. And, for the most
part, that's ok. But what happens if you
start to feel that something is taking place that is slowly approaching the
line between different and 'not good'?
Do you speak up?

I, probably like many of you, have developed deeply rooted opinions as
I have become more educated and have experienced many authentic moments in
life. These opinions might have first
started with my upbringing and elementary education, but at some point there
was a dramatic shift. The shift began to
transpire while in college as I realized that I was very much in the driver's
seat of my future and no longer in the passenger's seat watching a parent guide
the wheel. My values, beliefs, and
habits only became more ingrained in me as I lived life in my 20's and
experienced peaks and valleys in both my personal and professional life. This is no tall tale and I am confident that
many of you can nod your head in agreement with this similar timeline of self
discovery and development of affirmations.

Now we have our voice, we like our voice, and we stand behind our
voice. With this realization there is
acknowledgement of there being a voice on the other side of the table that is
in conflict with your beliefs -- opposition to your opinions.

I realized this past weekend that up to this point in life, I have had
the distinct luxury of selecting my friends and, ultimately, deciding who is a
part of my life. At some point this
changes and we must face personalities that, perhaps, we would rather not
encounter in the first place. A
coworker. A fellow mom in your
neighborhood 'Mommy and Me' class. The
girlfriend of one of your boyfriend's friends.
A new friend of one of your old friends.

I found myself approaching a very dangerous zone this weekend -- the
bad mouthing zone. It is a place where I
start to voice my opinion and in order to make a statement I must contrast it
against something or someone with the ultimate goal of putting my perspective in
bright light and the other's in a dark place.
Sounds innocent enough, right?
But then I held my tongue.

Our challenge, as decent human beings, is to maintain our opinions and
values with integrity. This means
speaking with constructive criticism and showing respect to our fellow
beings. If I haven't lost you yet in my
stream of consciousness about life and relationships then I will leave you with
this to ponder: At what point are we to know better than to think that we know best?