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2017 NFL Season Thread

Team rosters just got shaved down to 53, and practice squad rosters are nearly set. We're three days from our Kickoff game, where the defending Champion New England Patriots take on the Kansas City Chiefs in a prime time Thursday match-up, so it seems like a good time to move away from our "Offseason Thread" to our "Regular Season" discussion thread.

Thus, we can have about 80-odd hours to make some bold predictions. Who makes the playoffs? Who wins rookie of the year? What teams are gonna suck so hard that it looks like they're tanking for a shot at a top QB coming out of college?

Get hyped, listen to your NFL Films soundtrack courtesy of the legendary Sam Spence, because it's about to get real.

All this action going on between the Browns and Steelers before week 1. First Pittsburgh signs Joe Haden (not traded but released), then Pittsburgh trades Sammie Coats (a very talented but frustrating player) for a sixth round pick. Just seems odd to me. I don't remember any trades at all with Cleveland in the past.

WBE's Totally Irrelevant 2017 NFL PredictionsAFC EastNew England Patriots (13-3): The rich got richer. Having Tom Brady, Gronk, and more players to make their offense click than should be allowed wasn't enough, and then the Saints traded Brandin Cooks to the Pats, who have their first deep threat since Randy Moss, really. And Julian Edelman goes down for the season with a ligament injury, they swing another trade for Phillip Dorsett? Side note... why do teams keep signing 30-something people that New England cuts? That almost never works. Belichek is a race horse owner who knows when its time to take a thoroughbred to the glue factory. Sure, he'll take a supposed draft "bust" in their mid-20s from another team and make them into a contributor towards a deep playoff run. But damned if people still don't try taking his castoffs. So New England lost LeGarrett Blount to the Eagles. They still have Dion Lewis, James White, and more offensive weapons than they know what to do with. Martellus Bennett went to the Packers. On the defensive side, Rob Ninkovich retired. But they're still loaded, ready to repeat, and sit atop a division filled with incompetent GMs that make this team with a double-digit win total and deep playoff threat year in, and year out.

Miami Dolphins (7-9): Jay Ajayi is gooooood. This team's QB option last year was Ryan Tannenhill, who with a weak schedule, got this team to 10 wins and into the playoffs. With a mediocre signal caller, they did that. And he blew out his leg, leaving the Dolphins with the choice of having a down year and to potentially draft higher with a new QB in 2018, or doing something desperate and stupid. They chose the latter, and brought Jay Cutler out of the broadcast booth to get under center. Jay Cutler, the most unlikable team leader in the NFL since the term of the millenium. Jay Cutler was turned down as an organ donor because anyone receiving his organs would also automatically reject those for being a part of the whole. He's got DeVante Parker, Kenny Stills, and Julius Thomas in his list of targets, and maybe if this offensive line doesn't implode, they might surprise some folks (But that hasn't happened for a couple seasons in a row now). This team's defense is also a hodge-podge of free agents from elsewhere, many of whom have the look of guys who are just looking to get a last paycheck. (See Malaluga, Verner, Timmons) Oh, and Donkey Kong Suh, who will stomp a mudhole in your *** and walk it dry. Hopefully he can fight though double-teams and keep a cool head so that Vontaze Burfict takes the "dirtiest player" title from him. Maybe if Kiko Alonso lives up to his potential, this team can do more. But they have 4 games against the Bills and Jets to pad their win total with, so they might just be in the postseason again. Even WITH Jay Cutler.

Buffalo Bills (4-12): Buffalo had to address their QB situation in the offseason, dicking around and eventually choosing to sign Tyrod Taylor to a one year deal, and drafting Nathan Peterman, who by even hopeful assessments, is a work in progress. Their #2 QB was T.J. Yates, who you might remember once was an embarrassing starter for Houston, getting carried into the playoffs by their defense. Well, both Taylor and Yates are in the concussion protocol before the season opener, and that doesn't bode well. Rather than bring in Colin Kaepernick, they're looking at Joe Webb, and are also considering moving former QB-turned TE Logan Thomas back to the position he played in college. There... there's not a lot of good going on there. The Bills also traded away WR Sammy Watkins, and they have to hope Zay Jones can get the ball at all this year. Expect LeSean McCoy to touch the ball a billion times this year... and when your hopes are being placed on a 29 year old running back about to switch to the long side of 30... that's not good. The defense... well, Adolphus Washington and Shaq Lawson are a hell of a start. Hopefully they're still in good shape when they get to hit the free agent market in a few years. Past that, this team is mostly forgettable.

New York Jets (1-15): Oh, poor Todd Bowles. The Jets are tanking, and making him field one of the worst rosters the NFL has seen in decades. They're starting Josh McCown, a 38 year old journeyman who has been mediocre in his best years in the league. Behind him, it's Christian Hackenburg (whose most beloved trait was standing behind a commitment to Penn State after the school got covering up child rapes) and Bryce Petty, who sure looked better playing against Big-12 defenses. Their backfield has Bilal Powell, an aged Matt Forte, and no one to block for them. Their young stud WR, Quincy Enunwa, and they responded by trading to get the second or third best WR the Seahawks had. What did they give up to get him? Sheldon Richardson, their beast of a DT and their only real Pro-Bowler left from this team's last playoff run. The secondary fell apart, and all of the high draft picks they've spent to fix the problem have yet to address it (Maybe Jamaal Adams? Maybe?). The LBs on this squad wouldn't make special teams squads anywhere else in the league. The Jets might pick a fluke win up this year, and I honestly only have them at 1-15 because of the Any Given Sunday philosophy. They'll probably beat the Bills by a fluke. I dunno. They're gonna have the top pick in the draft, though, and manage to draft a QB who's a bust, because that's what the Jets do.

AFC NorthPittsburgh Steelers (12-4): Big Ben has become fatter and less mobile due to injuries playing in the NFC North for as long as he has. Luckily, he has one of, if not THE best receiver in football to throw to, and a bunch of other reliable targets. Oh, and a line and a running game with LeVeon Bell, provided he doesn't get suspended for some stupid ass life choice. The defense isn't exactly Steel Curtain or NuSteel Curtain quality like it was ten years ago, but James Harrison doesn't age (HGH or... how the hell does he do it?) But they also have Cameron Hayward, Bud Dupree, Ryan Shazier, and... they drafted J.J. Watt's little brother, T.J., who doesn't have J.J.'s injury history? Jesus. Their Front 7 is loaded, and the secondary is still good, albeit a year older.

Cincinnatti Bengals (9-7), Wild Card: Andy Dalton, the Red Rifle, aka the QB too good not to take a chance on getting rid of, but will never get you a playoff win. A.J. Green makes him look better than he is. This team still has Gio Bernard and Jeremy Hill for a good 1-2 RB tandem, but the offensive line being gutted by free agency might make the Bengals a bit dicier of a proposition than usual. Their defense is also a year older, but no less mental. Yeah, Vontaze Burfict is dirty. So's the aging Adam "Pacman" Jones at 33. Other than Geno Adkins and Dre Kirkpatrick, I can't respect a one of these guys on this defense. They're either dirty or they suck. Still, they're likely to be in the playoffs again, only to lose again, so we can wonder how in the hell Marvin Lewis still coaches here.

Baltimore Ravens (6-10): Is Joe Flacco an elite QB? We know the answer, this question only exists as a meme now. Jo-Flax has Mike Wallace to throw to, which is good, and they somehow ended up with Jeremy Maclin after the Chiefs inexplicably cut him. Terrence West was actually pretty solid last year. Still, this team's line is in flux, so much so that they made a trade with Arizona to get back Tony Bergstrom. And the defense has the reanimated corpse of Terrell Suggs to remind you of when it was last good, and other than a good couple of safeties in Tony Jefferson and Eric Weddle, doesn't seem to offer much hype.

Cleveland Browns (4-12): When you trade for Brock Osweiler just to eat his ridiculous $15 million contract and cut him to pick up a second round draft pick... you're not playing for this year. The Factory of Sadness is fielding DeShone Kizer as their latest sacrifice to the gods of sorrow, and this team let their best WR Terrell Pryor (who was a college QB) leave in free agency... even though he was playing in front of Ohio faithful who worshiped the ground he walked on. Josh Gordon remains the only receiver of note, and if he can just stop smoking weed, he might get 1,000 yards in a season. That's admittedly hard to do when you miss half your potential games. The offensive line is still Joe Thomas and four guys, and we'll see if that can't be enough to get Crowell and Duke Johnson some running room. The defense... isn't retooled yet. Jabril Peppers and Myles Garrett are going to whoop some ass, but give them a few years and some teammates before they're for real.

AFC SouthTennessee Titans (10-6): The Titans are the most complete team in this division, but that's not saying much. I believe Marcus Mariota is actually going to be a better-than-average QB, provided tackle Taylor Lewan doesn't get him killed in pass-blocking situations. Lewan, at least, is far better as a run-blocker, which is why the Titans are scary good. Everyone forgot DeMarco Murray existed after one year away from Dallas, but when he got behind this line, he was doing serious damage again. Behind him, oh, there's just a former Heisman-winner in Derrick Henry. Delanie Walker is a Top-5 TE in the NFL right now, and other than a lack of a deep threat, this offense is very well rounded. The defense... well, I can't say I'm crazy about the Tennessee secondary, but the good news is, most of the teams in your division don't have a QB, and the one that does can't find an O-Line to keep him healthy. Look for the Titans to get the 4-seed.

Indianapolis Colts (7-9): As I mentioned in the previous entry, the AFC South only has one good QB, and it's Andrew Luck. But he's still all f***ed up from LAST year's hits, and will miss Week One, at least, maybe be ready for Week Two, and Arizona's defense... which isn't a welcome party given how bad Arizona thrashed him the last time the two teams met. T.Y. Hilton is going to be double-covered almost all season, and the ghost of Frank Gore will use whatever poltergeist tricks it can to get into the end zone. There still is no offensive line, save for drafting rookie center Ryan Kelly out of Notre Dame... but Luck's still going to get killed from the edge. The defensive secondary appears average, and the front seven... when you take Barkevious Mingo off the free agent market... that does not appear like a team that will be able to stop the run. Or get to the QB. This looks more like the waste of another season of Andrew Luck than anything.

Houston Texans (7-9): J.J. Watt is a multi-time Defensive Player of the Year, and provided he's as healthy as he can be, will compete for that award again. Houston's defense is one of the more formidable units in the AFC. This being said, your QB is Tom Savage. I think the world of DeAndre Hopkins, but he's just this decade's version of Andre Johnson. Great receiver, shame no one can get the ball to him. RB Lamar Miller is capable, but not exactly the end-all, be-all running back in the league. He's capable of being in the Top Ten at his position, at best. Houston still has an outside shot at the playoffs, mostly because this is a competitive division. Although, every team in it is getting stronger all the time. The real question is... how long before they start looking at DeShaun Watson?

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11): Jacksonville blew more money in free agency than anyone else, but did not resolve their perennial lack of a QB. Their preseason saw starter Blake Bortles suck it up hard enough that the team realistically thought about going to Chad Henne again. The disdain this team's receiving corps has for Bortles went from "body language" to "audible disgust" during training camp, and it's a shame with targets like Allen Robinson, Allen Hurns, and Marquise Lee that Bortles just cannot stop throwing the ball at his targets' FEET. Blake, news flash, "RECEIVERS CATCH WITH THEIR HANDS." This is mostly why people are still thinking new rookie RB Leonard Fournette will have his number called a lot, and hopefully he gets a chance from the Jags' O-Line, because Leonard was a man among boys in college... but it's all big dudes out there now. The defense has a lot of high draft picks like Myles Jack and Dante Fowler, and a lot of big free agent signings like DE Calais Campbell and S Barry Church. I want to say this team will be more competitive than five wins... but it's Jacksonville, man. Until they get a signal caller or a coach I'm not sold.

AFC WestOakland Raiders (12-4): The Raiders were scary good last year, until Derek Carr went down with an injury, then lost Matt McGloin, then had to start Connor Cook under Center. Oy vey. Carr's back now, looks fine, and still has Michael Crabtree and the ridonkulously talented Amari Cooper. They upgraded the TE position, bringing in Jared Cook, and at RB, have gone older yet scarier by brining Marshawn Lynch out of retirement, and making people wonder if Beast Mode is gonna be truckin' fools all year or not. The O-Line is pretty solid, and on defense, they have Khalil Mack eating other teams starting QB's alive with Bruce Irvin on the other side now. The only loss on the defensive side of the ball, really, is NT Dan Williams, who did a great job of stopping the run. As long as the young guys the Raiders have replaced him with can hold up against the rush, they're a lock for a division title.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-7) Wild Card: Alex Smith remains mediocre, and this team let Jeremy Maclin and several free agents go from its defense. This means more targets for Travis Kelce than you would have expected, and not just because Smith is afraid to throw to anyone who can't get deeper than the TE. They lost Spencer Ware for at least half the season to injury, and are starting rookie Kareem Hunt instead. I still think they find a way into the playoffs, likely on Tyreek Hill returning more punts than should be legal, and because Andy Reid just does not go away quietly. I could easily be wrong about this, and KC could easily end up 6-10, and throwing Patrick Mahomes out to start in meaningless December games to get ready for the future. We'll see how it plays out, but I have learned to never bet against Andy Reid teams. They don't do much when they make the playoffs, but I'll be damned if they're not in there year in and out.

Denver Broncos (8-8): Trevor Siemian is somehow still the starter, although... the QB situation in Denver is gonna get weird by the end of this year, almost bet on it. Denver fans have HIGH expectations from that position since John Elway. Like, they had a few decent starters in there who were chased out of town for not being elite through most of the late 90s and early 2000s, and we're looking at a choice between Siemian, 1st round draft pick from a year ago Paxton Lynch (who's apparently disappointing the hell out of coaches), and the now-returning-on-the-cheap Brock Osweiler, who won 5 games in their Super Bowl run on the strength of Denver's defense. Speaking of, Denver's defense still has a scary-ass front 7 with Von Miller and Brandon Marshall, and the secondary still has shutdown corner Aqib Talib. They did just shock the hell out of everybody and cut safety T.J. Ward, so it will be interesting to see if the back end holds up, or gets beat like a drum. Oh, and they've got a whole stable of quality RBs to share the load and DeMaryius Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders, assuming anyone can throw them the ball. Denver could get in the playoffs, depending on how that QB situation goes for them, but I wouldn't expect a deep run.

Los Angeles Chargers (7-9): Phillip Rivers is still here, somehow. Hopefully Keenan Allen can stay healthy for him to throw to. Melvin Gordon is a friggin' beast. Antonio Gates is still here, although he's a shadow of his former self. The offensive line... isn't god-awful, so there's that. Defensive line has Corey Liuget, Joey Bosa, and Brandon Mebane... but this team just feels cursed the past few years when it comes to injuries. They haven't had their #1 and #2 receivers play a whole season together in almost a decade. They usually lose a RB or TE on top of that. A couple years back, they were signing guys off the street to play center, and teams were savaging them up the middle on at least ten snaps a game. Oh, and they've not done anything to address a shoddy secondary, so good luck stopping the Raiders from passing for 400 yards on you. I'm sure that will upset the 15,000 people in Los Angeles who head to the StubHub railway station to see this team play.