Lust at first sight – sure.
Love at first sight – no way. You have to know something about a person to decide if you love him – that is, if you have any values other than physical attractiveness.

Danny Lemieux

Uh-oh, Book. Where are you going with this?

Ellie2

Yes, absolutely. Love grows to be sure, but it grows from something that you instantly feel.

Mike Devx

Only as a statistical oddity.

If 98 people fall into lust at first sight (usually at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night, and LATE)… and 2 people meet and fall in love at first sight…

and then you have a radio or newspaper report about those two people who fell in love at first sight… well, does love at first sight REALLY happen? Yes… and no.

If you rely on it, 49 times out of 50 you’re going to be wrong. It’s only lust. And it will quickly fade, sometimes by Sunday morning, when you, with horror, as you flee this stranger’s apartment, with pounding hangover headache, contemplate just what in the hell you were THINKING?

So goes the average schmo who always thinks he, and not the next guy, will be the one to beat the crazy odds.

Of course, by the following Thursday, his horror has faded, and he’s looking forward to all those beers, and to yet another Weekend Evening drunk on his ass, putting into motion the next potential play at the Love Game… “This time, it will be true love!” he swears that afternoon to his friends, who are just smiling and shaking their heads. “Why not?” he exclaims. “It can happen! All I need is a better pickup line!”

I believe in instant love, but I also believe in our complete inability to distinguish it from the vastly more-common instant lust.

Family history is where I’m going with this, Danny. I had a second cousin who was a lumpy, dumpy frumpy, brilliant academic in an obscure area of Greek linguistics. Back in the 1950s, she was in line at the unemployment office when she found herself standing next to a lumpy, dumpy, frumpy, brilliant academic in an obscure area of medieval Greek literature. They ran off and got married three weeks later, and stayed married almost 50 years until her death, which was followed a short time later by his death.

I’ve always wondered if it was truly love at first sight — if they just fell madly in love at that first meeting — or if it was a more intellectual process, as they recognized in each other people who were so similar in affect and outlook that it would be a shame not to give it a try.

Ellie2

My grand-nephew is 4 years old. Since he could walk, most of the photos are of him are with his arm around a little girl, the daughter of his mom’s best friend.

The feelings these two tots have for each other — eros? filios? — radiates from each photo. Sometimes it gives me the shivers and sometimes it makes me throw salt over my shoulder.

Obviously not lust. Almost makes you believe in soul-mates. or reincarnation. Or love at first sight…

Men are usually the ones that fall in love at first sight. It’s a visual cortex thing linked to sexual stimulation and various other things part of romance.

But as for true love on first sight, I suppose that really depends on how your sight is. Is your sight foolish and shortsighted? Then love on first sight is just foolishness on first sight.

For example, if you had a man that was used to making decisive decisions and fully cognizant of the consequences of his decisions, and he had an extremely able ability to judge character and see past skin beauty, then I believe such a man would be far more likely to acquire the fall in true love at first sight, Book.

Essentially, if you are going to love someone at first sight, you are making a judgment call and taking responsibility for actions that would otherwise have extended across months if not years.

The ability to make snap decisions like that, even if you doubt it later, is an ability few have, Book.

Al

While I suppose most couples do not, some do fall in love at first sight. And each member of the couple does not have to realize it at the same time. A story in our family reflects that. My father’s parents grew up next door to each other. There was the usual sharing of each other’s things, etc. One morning when Grampa was 25 he ran into his future wifes house to tell his future mother-n-law something, saw Grandma at the top of the stairs, gasped and asked, “Where have you been all my life?” Her reply was,”Just waiting for you.”
Yeah, it really does happen.
Al

“First sight” should be distinguished from “first meeting.” You can tell a lot more about somebody by talking with them at a distance of 3 feet than seeing them across a room at a distance of 15 feet.

For some people, the sound of an individual’s voice–as well as what they say–probably matters almost as much as physical appearance.

Below the conscious level, smell may also have a big impact. I’ve read that women, particularly, subconsciously use smells to detect whether a prospective mate has a compatible immune system…also, that birth control pills can alter the way this works.

So if the above is actually true, an initial strong attraction might become less-strong if she later starts or stops taking the pill…

Marguerite

My comment is late in the game . . . I lean toward ‘no’ on love at first sight, definitely strong attraction, but not the love that sustains a marriage through thick and thin. But along w/that theme, I think one of the worst ideas being heavily sold today is ‘soulmates’. This sets up ridiculous and undeliverable expectations down the line, but many are buying into this, including dating agencies.

benning

No.

Attraction at first sight, lust at first sight, but not love. True love takes a little time to grow.

Danny Lemieux

Yup! When I first saw my wife, I somehow knew I was going to marry her, even if I didn’t know who she was. There was a “je ne sais quois” about her that just clicked with me. Even now, I suspect that we communicate telepathically.

I see the same thing happening with my son and a girl he just “clicked” with three years ago as a young teen. They just seem to be growing together.

Ellie2

I agree with Marguerite that the pop culture idea of “soul-mates” has done much damage to Marriage as an institution by raising unrealistic expectations.

In my parents’ days, marriage was regarded as a partnership, a social and an economic necessity. A business deal, if you will.

If you have the ability to read auras, sure. Then you’d just have to determine whether you had a compatible aura.
For the rest of us, I offer the words of Don Francisco– “Love is not a feeling, it’s an act of the will.”
And if loving someone is sometimes hard, I’d be careful to choose someone that I didn’t mind working hard to love.

Marguerite

BrianE: Wow! Great points.

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