Just how dominant is Team Canada at women's hockey?Back to video

The 18-0 stomping that the Canadian national women’s hockey team put on the Slovakia had me wondering just how dominate this country is in women’s hockey.

If you got together the 50th best team of Canadian women, would they still beat the Slovaks? I suspect they would.

In one game, the Canadian women scored more goals than the Oilers score in an entire month. Yeah, the Americans will give Team Canada a run for the gold, but how soon will it be before any other country does?

With the small number of women playing hockey in Europe, it could well be a few decades.

I’ll tell you what, I’m 47, not in great shape and the only hockey I’ve played his winter has been in my boots on my backyard rink with my sons this winter, but I bet I could call up some old beer league buddies, put together a team and beat the poor old Slovaks.

An idle boast, you think?

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Well, in the 1998 Nagano Olympics, the Chinese women’s team finished fourth, just one place out of a bronze medal, losing 4-1 to Finland in the finals. Earlier in the tournament, the Canadian team has only managed to beat that same Chinese’s team 2-0.

So they weren’t exactly the Slovakia of that tournament. They were in the running.

Little did the sporting world know that only a few months earlier, that same Chinese team had been soundly beaten by a group of beer league hacks, including me.

I suspect the quality of the woman’s game has improved vastly since that time. I bet the fourth best team in this Olympic tournament would beat most Edmonton men’s beer league teams. But, back in the day, we men got ‘er done, eh. Here’s the story . . .

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Of men, women, hockey — and mice that go wee in the night

We’re not mice, we’re Canadian men. We stand on guard to defend the honour of this great hockey-playing nation. Our latest test was this past weekend.

This time it wasn’t Gretzky or Esposito going up against the machine-line stars of the old Soviet Union. This was far more basic to the Canadian male ego. This was a bunch of beer league hacks, including me, challenging the Chinese Olympic women’s hockey team.

My premise was that any group of 15 Canadian beer league guys could come together on a moment’s notice and beat a team of Chinese women, even the best Chinese women. So what if the Chinese team finished fourth at last year’s World Championships and are medal contenders at the 1998 Nagano Olympics. So what if few of my friends gave us a chance.

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I was never much of a player, not good enough to even make the “A” team in minor hockey. Worse, I hadn’t picked up a hockey stick in a year. Nor had I been on skates this fall. I was so rusty that when I got my old equipment bag out of our garage, I found it had become a haven for mice. My equipment was covered in — how can I put this delicately — mouse stool. As you might imagine, this was extremely disheartening. But I sucked it up, just cleaned off my pads and suited up.

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Don Cherry fantasy sequence: “I’ll tell ya, I love that Davey Staples. Breaths in that mouse doo-doo, comes down with this hantavirus, his inner organs are bleeding like crazy, but he still shows up and hammers the Chinese gals! Way to go, Davey!!”

Truth be told, in the privacy of our dressing room, the boys and I braced ourselves for a beating. Most of our players were downtown office workers, guys who sometimes play pick-up together, not one of them even a beer league star.

“Apparently the Chinese women can’t shoot too well, but they can pass and skate like crazy,” said teammate Shaun Serediak. “Be prepared to be humiliated. I heard they’ve trashed a few men’s rec teams already.”

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The Chinese had been in Edmonton practising and playing six days a week for the past two months. There isn’t much available indoor ice — or competition — in China. Hockey-mad Edmonton offered them both.

In the warm-up, the Chinese looked ready to take Nagano gold, their passing sharp, their skating smooth, that jock-confident gliding style you see in the best players. They even blasted a few slappers into the top corner of the net.

Our insecurities were amplified on the first shift. Star forward Hong Liu deftly deked out one of our defencemen and almost scored. To regain our nerve, we started shouting out the standard Canadian hockey-drone mantras on our bench: “Play your positions guys! Shoot it up the boards! Don’t be afraid to rub these girls a bit.”

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The Chinese rolled over us for ten minutes, before getting their first goal. A minute later, though, we came back to tie it. They scored again, but, again, we tied it up. Late in the second period, they went ahead a third time, but then . . . Danny Gallivan fanstasy sequence: “Off the draw, back to Davey Staples at the point. A CANONADING BLAST!! GREAT SAVE. SCRAMBLE IN FRONT OF THE NET. SCORES!!! It’s all tied up at three!”

At this point I have to admit that when I conceived of this column, I figured my cocky attitude about beating the Chinese would be thrown back in my face. We’d get whipped 10-0. The Olympians would give me my come-uppance. Everything would be right and proper and politically correct again.

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But that ain’t what happened.

The Chinese had no forwards with the speed and moves to make me quake in my skates. Nor did they have any overheated maniac, the kind you always find on a men’s team, ready to run me through the boards, even in a non-contact game. Indeed, the Chinese were the cleanest, most sportsmanlike team I’ve ever faced. After our opening jitters, it became apparent we had nothing to fear, and in hockey fear is crucial. We won almost every battle along the boards and in front of the net. The game turned into a friendly romp. We scored two more in the third to win 5-3.

Afterwards, the two teams posed for a group shot. We wished them luck in Nagano. Through interpreter Joe Mah, the Chinese star Liu told me her team had played a dozen games against men’s team in Edmonton, but this was only their third loss.

Why play men? Canadian women’s club teams weren’t enough competition, said Liu. “We’re just here to play the Canadian-style, rough and tough.”

In the end, I felt great about winning. That always feels great. But something else made me feel good, too. Our game had helped the Chinese team on their way to Nagano. We had played a direct role in the development of some Olympic athletes. That was something new and satisfying for me, even if I did have one nagging question about the whole experience.

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