When we last left Ted Kennedy cadaver stand-in Peter King, he was waxing poetic about the acting ability of Meryl Streep (he wears Versatility on dates with Brett!), and rhapsodizing about the late Ted Kennedy. Mentioning Kennedy, of course, started an instant PoFlaWa here, and will do so again. He uh, er uh, WAS A PINKO!

Anyway, this week in his latest batch of extruded stool, Peter has an announcement that will BLOW YOU AND AMANDA BOWERS AWAY. But before we get to that, an endorsement of something Peter did. Yes, an endorsement!

Though I shouldn’t, I still look forward to SI’s NFL Preview issue more than just about anything in the universe. And it always, without fail, comes two days later in the mail than any other SI issue I ever get, even the Swimsuit Issue, which should really be called the Cardboard Insert Issue. I know what you’re doing, mailmen of America. You think I don’t know you’re reading my issue, then delivering it to me after you got your bloody, filthy hands all over the thing? I’LL BE WATCHING YOU.

Anyway, King does a roundtable in this issue with Carson Palmer, Big Ben, Tony Romo, Matt Ryan, and Aaron Rodgers. And I really enjoyed it. So there. Good article. Lofty article. We can be fair here when we feel like it. Peter King wrote something I enjoyed, and would recommend to others. (By the way, the issue discloses that Peter King’s nickname around NFL offices is Relentless. I assume this nickname stems from his behavior in the face of cancelled hotel rooms and unanswered texts). Now, let’s get on with murdering the poor bastard.

The Most Persuasive Man in Sports sits across from me, in a new air-conditioned viewing room overlooking the Dallas Cowboys practice fields…

IT’S ME! THE DOUBLE GODDAMNED J! AND YOU WILL DROP THOSE PANTIES AND LET ME RUB A TUBE OF JIMMY DEAN ON YOUR TWAT!

(Jerry) Jones motioned to the two coaches’ towers on either side of the fields, with spiral white staircases leading up to windowed booths. “Coach Landry had those built,” Jones said. “That was good for then.”

BUT THAT WAS BACK IN THE FAGGOT AGE! YEEEEHAWWWWW!!!!

Jones was excited about Felix Jones, about a free-agent wideout named Kevin Ogletree, about the Deion-like athleticism of tight end Martellus Bennett, and about the all-business Wade Phillips.

Jones has been quiet about the (videoboard) issue, mostly, until now. In my conversation with him, he made a couple of things clear: He has no intention of raising the video board, nor does he think he should have to do it under any circumstances. And he thinks it’s important for the aesthetics of the $1.21-billion stadium, and for the commitment that Jones himself made to build the place, that the video board stay exactly where it is.

DON’T FUCK WITH MY FENG SHUI!

“I’ve had one league official tell me when he went through the stadium that it’s the most dramatic fan experience and use of technology he’s seen in 15 years.”

“Mr. Jones, that’s the first time a urinal ever cupped my balls.”

“When [NFL vice president] Ray Anderson was in the stadium, we talked about it,” Jones said, “and he said, ‘No one should pass judgment on the stadium ’til they see it.'”

You see, NFL. The stadium isn’t interfering with the game. It’s the GAME that’s interfering with the stadium. Punters should RESPECT the video board and its aesthetic value, as they would the sun. It’s the greatest fan experience in the world. Let’s not let a football game ruin any of that.

I interrupted him and asked if it really would be a big deal to raise the videoboard from 90 to, say, 105 feet above the field.

“You want the proper aesthetics, but aesthetics is really not the proper word here…

THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR IS TIXASISHNESS!!!!

”It’d work fine. But ‘fine’ is the operative word.”

Raised that high, the board would merely be gaudy, rather than obnoxious. And that won’t do.

“Logic tells you if they punt the way they’re supposed to — ” meaning, off to the sides ” — the ball won’t hit the board. It won’t be a problem. The board creates something unique. In Green Bay, punters have to account for the snow and the wind. We don’t have that.”

THAT’S WHY I’M ALSO HIRING FLYING MONKEYS TO BAT DOWN PASSES!

Jones has done everything in his power to make sure pro football doesn’t become studio sport. He has invented the world biggest high-def TV, so that up to 100,000 people can look up and see a vivid picture

“I don’t want people sitting at home and watching the game on TV. I’d much prefer they come here and watch the game on TV.”

– a picture so clear it stunned Tony Romo a week ago. “I looked up at one point, and there I was,” he said. “I said, ‘Whoa! I should have shaved today.’ ”

Whoa! There’s still pussy juice on my chin!

(Richard) Seymour, I’m told, is angry about the deal.

Belichick: “Pray I don’t alter it any further.”

This is a deal for (Al) Davis to try to win now, obviously.

Oh, obviously. Richard Seymour was clearly the last piece of the puzzle there.

Michael Irvin gets a finder’s fee for Jesse Holley, the wideout who beat the competition on Irvin’s reality show to make the Cowboys’ 80-man camp roster. Holley was signed to the Dallas practice squad Sunday.

Little does Holley know that Irvin’s finder’s fee is a chance to stab you in the fucking neck with a pair of scissors.

Talked to Jim Schwartz Saturday.

Did you now? Did he sign your gloves?

“We’re not going to do much that’ll surprise anyone,” he said.

Oh, that sounds like the coach of the Lions, all right.

Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. There was not a single significant move of any sort by the 49ers. Sorry. Harris Barton’s not coming out of retirement. Nor is Randy Cross.

Well, that’s annoying. I was hoping a middle-aged, now undersized tackle would rejoin the club. That would have really given them a boost.

“The truth of the matter is … somebody is going to die here in the NFL. It’s going to happen.”

I found that comment chilling, to say the least. The other quarterbacks at the table — Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo, Aaron Rodgers — didn’t dispute Palmer’s words, and when he said them, the table got very quiet. They know. They feel the same thing happening in this game, too. And the fact that this statement has gotten zero traction in the last four days tells me something that all of us should find frightening:

That no one bothered to read something you wrote?

People read that line and just said, Yup, someone’s going to die. We accept that. Now bring on football, dammit!

So you’re Peter King. Carson Palmer just gave you an ominous quote. It doesn’t get lots of traction in the media. Do you conclude:

A) Sometimes things don’t get picked up for whatever reason.

B) EVERYONE ON EARTH READ THIS SENTENCE AND COLLECTIVELY DECIDED IT’S OKAY IF AN NFL PLAYER DIES ON THE FIELD. WE ARE THE MOST UNCARING NATION ON EARTH.

C) Hey! Ross Tucker just ate my goddamn Utz chips!

I think you know the only logical choice there.

I gathered the five quarterbacks after their Friday round of golf at the celebrity golf tournament at South Lake Tahoe in mid-July. [If you think that was easy, for my next trick I'm going to pull a rabbit out of this MacBook Air.]

If you think it’s easy to call your secretary and have her arrange for you to hang out with five famous QB’s at a golf tournament in a luxury resort, you must not have a solid concept of what real, hard labor is. No wonder you only have a Dell.

It was a loose group.

It defined relaxed.

The light beer flowed,

The handcuffs came out…

and it was the kind of scene you wish could have lasted five hours, not one.

What with the trees and the talk.

“He told me the offense wasn’t simple enough for him. He wants a Pop Warner offense. He limited me in formations and limited me in plays. He’s been on my back all offseason.”

-Fired Buffalo offensive coordinator Turk Schonert, on the constraints he felt were put on him by coach Dick Jauron, in an interview with Buffalo TV station WIVB.

/immediately changes 9-7 prediction for Buffalo to 2-48

Hey, let’s watch Peter try and protect Brett Favre!

The block, of course, was reprehensible, because Favre could have seriously injured Wilson. But it was also one of those things that gets a player closer to his teammates.

If only Favre had pulled a deer rifle on Wilson. Then the bond could have been strengthened even further. You see, people, reprehensible acts are build chemistry. I don’t know what chemistry is, or even how it’s pronounced. But man, if you just take out a dagger and shove it into the eye of an opposing water boy, you have it in spades. If only Donte Stallworth were still allowed to play, the Browns would go 11-5.

I was in the Vikings locker room after the game, and the players clearly appreciated that Favre was blocking for Percy Harvin instead of ole-ing a phony block.

“Way to move us back 15 yards, Brett! We love you!”

It’s like a pitcher in baseball who “protects” his teammates by hitting an opposing batter.

No. No, it’s nothing like that. Pitchers hit batters as retaliation for the other team’s pitcher doing the same. Brett Favre wasn’t retaliating for anything Wilson did on that play. You see how that makes sense?

It might not make sense to people on the outside,

No, it doesn’t make sense in any context.

…but it’s part of the culture of the locker room. And Favre won over a few guys the other night by doing that.

In the team meeting room of the Denver Broncos are two huge pronouncements on either side of the video screen. They say the same thing.

DO YOUR JOB.

Did it have a Belichickian seal on it?

Two reasons why I’ll be looking to fly AirTran this season after returning from Dallas to Boston the other day on the off-the-beaten-track airline:

1. Ninety stations of free XM radio on board. Listened to Dan Patrick for two hours. Nice to see you’ve got all those ads, Dan. Love the Matthew McConaughey spot. “Beef. It’s what fer dinner.” And I didn’t know you had a 1967 car.

You know who else has a 1967 car? My friend “The Graduate,” which is a movie I talk to sometimes!

2. WiFi. My first Internet-on-the-airplane experience — $5.95 for a two-hour, 30-minute segment from Dallas to Baltimore. Not sure long-term whether that’s a good thing or bad. Got a lot of net-surfing stuff done, but I could have been writing instead of i-chatting about [Hideki] Okajima with Jon Heyman. Not to mention the salt-and-cracked-pepper kettle cooked potato chips. A pleasant flying experience, AirTran — and that’s a rarity these days.

Didn’t hear you praising their kettle chips back then, you ungrateful bastard!

Two personal points underscore the value Mark Richardson had to football in Charlotte. In 1989, I went on a trip for Sports Illustrated to several cities exploring franchises in the proposed new minor football league run by departed Dallas executive Tex Schramm.

My goal: to steal an errantly thrown football from any goddamn kid that got in my way.

In Charlotte, Mark and (Panthers owner) Jerry Richardson met our traveling party, and Jerry went to meet with Schramm at length. Mark took me out for a bite to eat and we ended up shooting pool until the wee hours.

And then, the oral sex.

Level-headed, very smart, sharp dresser.

No Uggs on that fellow!

I think, regarding the Vick penalty, that Goodell got it right. He has to go with his gut on this.

Or, he can reinstate Vick at the end of July, take a month or so to deliberate the length of the suspension, and then decide what is fair. That defines gut decision.

I think the thing that interested me most in the 80 minutes we spent with Goodell the other day was his comment about the future of football outside the United States. “The experience we’ve had over there [in London] … has been extraordinary … We’re going to continue to feed that, frankly. And we are considering the idea of playing multiple games in London as early as next year. And I don’t think it’s beyond the realm of possibility that we might have a franchise in London at some point in the future.” I’ve said it forever: When the current crop of owners thinks there’s no lucrative market left in the United States, they’ll turn to Europe or Mexico.

I think the London Jaguars has a nice ring to it.

Sure does! Just like Cape Town Cowboys, or Beijing Dolphins.

A window into the contract negotiations for a first-round draft choice. We see interaction between Katie Blackburn, the Bengal negotiator, and Alvin Keels, the agent for first-round pick Andre Smith. When the scene showing Smith signing the deal last week was shot, the kid looked like a house. Clearly overweight. You got the feeling he was going to be no help to the Bengals for a few weeks, until he lost 30 or 40 pounds. And when Smith signed, Keels shook the rookie’s hand and said something that I’m sure made owner Mike Brown retch when he saw it. “Congratulations,” Keels said to Smith. “You are now a multi-millionaire.”

Not, Congratulations. You’re now an NFL player. Or, Congratulations. Now let’s get out there and earn it.

Not, “Congratulations, from now on, you’re flying Air Tran any damn time you want.”

And when Brown saw Smith after the signing, he was characteristically blunt. “You’re not in good shape, from what I hear. You’ve got to get your nose to the grindstone,” Brown said. Great stuff. And of course, two days after signing, Smith broke his left foot.

And this is the part where Punter shoots himself in the face.

(Mike Zimmer’s) a smart, forceful, no-nonsense teacher (you see it over and over again through the lens of the NFL Films cameras) with an excellent defensive approach. I hope some owner sees him on this show and says, “That’s the kind of guy I’d like running my team.” I’ve known Zimmer for a long time, and I can tell you, he deserves a shot at the next level.

Because I know him!

(Paul Zimmerman) eats like a horse. What an appetite! He finished a huge cheeseburger and some fries, then began to pick at my Kung Pao chicken, and still had room for a good slab of the bread pudding. Just before Linda put him in the car for the trip home, I reached out to shake his hand and wished him well. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him and put his left arm around me and bearhugged me. He tried to say something to me, but I couldn’t understand. Never has he done that. If you know Zim, you know he’s not an emotional sort.

Usually, if he likes you, you beats you with a chain and says you’re overrated.

But he was Friday. Powerful moment. It’s hard to say what all he’s taking in, but whatever it is, he’s feeling emotions he’s never felt before.

“Love? I can’t chart that!”

How did I spend my last Sunday of freedom?

From your horrible, slave-like job that any red-blooded American man would kill for?

Read the Globe, the Herald and New York Times.

Why wasn’t Brett Favre on Page 1?

Spent 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer. Took a nap on the couch. Wrote a lot. Made a bunch of phone calls. Listened to “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” on NPR. Watched Jon Lester dominate the Pale Hose. Ate a terrific bowl of pasta.

Nutmeg carbonara!

Wrote some more. Tweeted. Wrote some more. Went to bed.

Incredible. It’s like a Hemingway novel. So concise. Not a wasted sentence. It’s a masterpiece, not unlike Peter’s “Day without driving” itinerary from months ago. This. This is prose. If you think this is easy, Peter will pull a naked picture of Favre out from his Macbook Air, of which he has several.

Coffeenerdness: There might not be a better cup of coffee in the world than Starbucks Italian Roast.

Peter one week ago: “Most of American coffee is swill.”

Peter this week: “The greatest coffee in the world is our most mass-produced variety!”

Haven’t had it in some time, maybe a year. And just the smell of it brewing Sunday was fantastic. Dark and delicious.

Like Derrick Mason’s chocolatey glutes.

Here in Boston, we had about 6 weeks of summer. Now it’s autumn. Got down to the low fifties overnight. God, you owe me a summer.

God to Peter: “MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF BOSTON, RETARD.”

OKAY, NEWS NEWS NEWS!

I’ll be starting a new column this week.

GTFO! Will there be poorly sequenced bullet points?

The column will last through the end of the playoffs and will be posted on SI.com each Friday. It’s going to be a look ahead at some aspect of what I find compelling about the weekend’s games, along with a few other departments. You’ll be able to plow through it a little easier than the Monday monster, though. The Friday column will be 1,000 to 1,200 words.

In advance of the first one, I’ve got a job for you: Name the column.

Friday Morning Loftiness
Fuck The Westin
A Weekend In The Deer Stand
Live From Dr. Z’s Feeding Tube!
Peter’s Kit Kat Break!
What’s With All This Traffic?
And That’s What I Read On The Train

I’ll take the best suggestion you send by Wednesday afternoon, and that’ll be the name of the Friday preview column this year.

Join The Discussion

45 minutes on the elliptical trainer? He stood there stationary while watching The View, right?

09.08.09 at 9:28 am

SafetyDan

We should all email some suggestion to King for his Friday column. Something lofty that references KSK.

09.08.09 at 9:35 am

Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug

What an ass. And no, I’m not gonna FJM that column.

If you don’t, then someone has to. I nominate Ufford. He needs more practice so he can fill in for you when you finish off that “elective surgery” you started a few weeks ago.

09.08.09 at 9:35 am

RollinAdutch

he should call it the jamboree

09.08.09 at 9:40 am

Animal Mother

He should call it the Weekly Rusty Trombone because no matter what he writes, it probably came out of his or someone else’s ass

09.08.09 at 9:40 am

Upstate Underdog

Name the column: You Call This Coffee Flavored Water Coffee!?

09.08.09 at 9:47 am

Lil' Wayne Chrebet

I didn’t read the SI QB roundtable column but I can assume that Roethlisberger didn’t pay any attention and was fidgeting the whole time, Romo sat there smiling, and Matt Ryan was busy being symmetrical. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers was completely ignored by Peter King because he wasn’t Brett Favre.

09.08.09 at 9:52 am

Buddha

How about “American Swill”?

09.08.09 at 9:57 am

Rowdy Roddy Peeper

DEAR GOD SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT!

when i read that about the friday column, it was a feeling of pure joy that i have never experienced…the idea of 2 fucking retarded pk columns in one week….YOU CANT TAKE THAT FROM US!

I found that comment chilling, to say the least. The other quarterbacks at the table — Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo, Aaron Rodgers — didn’t dispute Palmer’s words, and when he said them, the table got very quiet. They know. They feel the same thing happening in this game, too. And the fact that this statement has gotten zero traction in the last four days tells me something that all of us should find frightening:

That no one bothered to read something you wrote?

This sums up every King article ever.

09.08.09 at 11:13 am

Windy City Sulker

STOP EVERYTHING! CARSON PALMER REACHED A LOGICAL CONCLUSION!

09.08.09 at 11:16 am

Bugg

Dipshit has Jones compare an HDTV Jones intentionally installed to snow and sun and doesn’t challenge him one bit.Suspect Jones could install happy ending massage parlors and morphine IV drips in the suites and King would equally nonplused. Isn’t Jerry great?

When this arrogant douche claims he’s trying not to let the NFL become a “studio sport” says nothing when Jones installs such a huge TV that practically forces 100,000 people to watch TV rather than the game under it, King doesn’t even blink. The reason he gets no traction is King allows idiocy to be spewed out and doesn’t challenge it. Yeha, we really need 20 NFL writers to get the press release about Vick being suspended for 2 games.

09.08.09 at 11:17 am

Dmac

“Episode #24 of why I get to walk to anything within 5 minutes of my house and you don’t.” Or maybe another discussing his recent awesome Tweet meet – up at The Coliseum that drew three devoted readers.

09.08.09 at 11:23 am

CR

“Then the team I root for is aggressively retarded.”

I think this could be said about any NFL team.

09.08.09 at 11:26 am

Enrico Pallazzo

The Weekend Wiggins

…a shout-out to the finest 12 plates of spicy shrimp that King ever ate

09.08.09 at 11:38 am

H Cuz

I saw “Browns” and “11-5″ in the same sentence and my brain shorted out.

09.08.09 at 11:41 am

Tracer Bullet

Shouldn’t Jerruh be trying to protect be the aesthetic of pro football and not his billion dollar monumental to penile overcompensation?

RE “Here in Boston, we had about 6 weeks of summer. Now it’s autumn. Got down to the low fifties overnight. God, you owe me a summer.”

Could we get a moratorium on Northerners bitching about not having a motherfucking summer this year? You’d actually prefer high 90s? Retards.

It’s supposed to be about 95 here today (here being Dallas). If there is anything that deserves a kick in the crotch, it’s people bitching about unseasonably pleasant weather. Like people down here who gripe that it usually doesn’t get cold enough to snow in the winter. Every time I hear it, I want to punch the person who says it in the face.

And it should go without saying (but it won’t) that I wish there was a man on earth strong enough to shove that giant TV up Jerry Jones’ ass. Sideways. So he could experience the full majesty of its girth.

09.08.09 at 11:58 am

mick

“Spent 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer.”

Sprawled across the pedals eating a bag of kettle chips?

Let’s face it, that fat fuck couldn’t manage 10 minutes on one of those things.

09.08.09 at 11:58 am

J.L. White

“The truth of the matter is … somebody is going to die here in the NFL. It’s going to happen.”

Oh, Carson Palmer just said that because he Chris Henry mailed him a letter with the word DIE written in blood. And he also walked in on Cedric Benson cutting out a coupon, and it looked like it was the word DIE but it turned out to be a coupon for DIET cola. Then Marvin Lewis walked up to him and said, “You’re going to be my murder victim, Carson…..in our team production of Lizzy Borden, starring Chad Ochocinco as Lizzy.”

Hmmm….I wonder why a member of the Cincinnati Bengals believes so strongly that an NFL player is going to die?

09.08.09 at 12:00 pm

obit_rice

I loled at the Darth Belichick reference. Is the KSK Death Pool aka Fantasy Football Pickem gonna happen this year?

Where to start? I’m surprised Jerry didn’t hog-tie PK next to Wade for an old-fashioned Texas Twin Piggy Rape.

The Raiders are simply saying “we don’t want to pay first-round money in 2011 because our first rounders suck anyway and we’re not going to assume we’ll have a rookie cap by then” and took a one-year dice roll on Seymour, who will naturally walk in 2010 (probably back to the Pats, for less money.)

Starbucks drip coffees are the most overrated sour ashtray drippings in America. There’s nothing at Starbucks remotely drinkable that doesn’t have a pint of milk, chocolate powder, and six sugars mixed in. I talked to a guy who made me a wicked delicious cup of plain-ass diner coffee (at a bowling alley no less) who used to work at Starbucks. He said they cut their coffee with all kinds of shit, trying to imitate “flavor notes” that would appear naturally in coffees that were actually, yknow, good. Blech.

09.08.09 at 1:01 pm

FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns

I have a buddy who (accurately IMO) observes that the skyrocketing obesity rate and the introduction of elliptical trainers seem to coincide. Fatasses “working out” on a machine that basically requires no effort other than holding yourself upright. Yup, that was a brutal 45 minutes of shuffling along there Humpty Dumpty…I think you’ve earned that triple-whip grande moca and a Cinnabon.

09.08.09 at 1:13 pm

StuScottBooyahs

People read that line and just said, Yup, someone’s going to die. We accept that. Now bring on football, dammit!

Sure it’s never happened in more than 100 years of professional football in America. But it COULD happen, and all we give them is millions upon millions of dollars!

What a barbaric country this is.

09.08.09 at 1:21 pm

Hintzy

I suddenly feel a burning desire to rickroll PK’s request for a column title. But how?

09.08.09 at 1:46 pm

Fred Smoot Hawley Tariff

I still remember the cultural revolution that took place in the late 90s when Utz chips became available in Massachusetts…

@ fortythree – you mean the same network that employs Peter King is giving Peter King’s story some traction? Say it ain’t so!!

09.08.09 at 2:25 pm

n.o.

@soul on ice: David Byrne isn’t sure if he’s honored or offended.

09.08.09 at 3:24 pm

Needs More Cheerleaders

- I can guaran-fucking-tee you there’s at least a dozen cups of better coffee in the world than anything served by goddamned Starbucks.

– His friday column should be entitled “Sentence Fragments.”

I have actually figured out who I hate more than Peter King: his fucking editor. Note to SI editor: When a shitty writer like Peter King turns in 9000 words of poorly written drivel, it is YOUR FUCKING JOB to turn that into something barely legible. Just leaving his fucking sentence fragments all over the place is not what I would call getting that job fucking done. Buy yourself a copy of Strunk’s Elements of Style or find a new fucking job.

09.08.09 at 3:32 pm

Rock

People are statistically more likely of being killed *by* a Bengels player, not the other way around.

09.08.09 at 3:34 pm

Dmac

“…it’s never happened in more than 100 years of professional football in America.”

Not to quibble over details, but it did happen during a Bears game in the early 70’s. I was watching it on TV, and a Detroit Lions player had a heart attack right on the field. Really disturbing.

London might get an NFL team? They couldn’t even support the Monarchs in the hey day of NFL Europe. If any European country deserved a football team, it’d be Germany, Namely Frankfurt, where they had kept a successful team since 1991 till the NFL pulled the plug on the league in 2007.

09.08.09 at 4:10 pm

Wilder

Haven’t players already died playing this game? Plenty of guys have suffered heatstrokes and premature death related to their football careers.

09.08.09 at 4:12 pm

The Polish Rifle

@ Rikadyn

Who the fuck wants to watch the B-league? It may be an entirely different story if they are given an NFL team. NFL Europe was similar to the MLS as nobody gave a fuck about NFL Europe and nobody gives a fuck about the MLS because they aren’t the best.

I doubt the USA would even support a Premier league team because soccer sucks

09.08.09 at 4:20 pm

porky1

Yes, Rikadyn, but in London they speak English, which is the official language of the NFL. Less chance of xenophobia interfering with those fat tourist dollars Goodell is rubbing his hands over as he plots to sell the richer tier of NFL fans on special vacation packages to see the London Royals vs (Steelers, Redskins, Giants, Pats, Cowboys, Eagles, etc.) Also anticipates the inevitable London Super Bowl.

09.08.09 at 5:35 pm

Slothrop

@Wilder: yes, Kory Stringer being the latest (iirc) NFL player to die of heat stroke following practice. I think that Palmer meant that a QB is going to die on the field due to a head/spinal injury. Kevin Everett damn near died on the field 2 years ago.

09.08.09 at 5:53 pm

LaFavre's Next Interception

King is disturbed that he only had 6 weeks to wear his size 48 chino shorts.

09.08.09 at 6:33 pm

Boatdrinks

Ok, I lived in Texas one summer and Virginia three years. I travelled extensively in the south in the summer. NOTHING was hotter than Mobile, AL in July. God, I wanted gills because clearly humans couldn’t breathe that soup. That saying, it has been a six week summer up here and come middle of January through late March, Northerners will be shitcrazier than usual as we won’t be able to remember summer. So you are right, we should not bitch now. But when we are crazier than loons this winter…don’t say I didn’t warn you!

09.08.09 at 6:59 pm

Slash

I’m sure the Gulf Coast area feels hotter than Dallas most of the time due to the humidity, and I have no problem with them communicating unhappiness about that. It’s when people gripe about pleasant weather that I have a problem. 80-something degree summers are nothing to complain about and there is no excuse good enough to make it so. And the Earl of Douchechester complaining about it should make that all the more clear. If Peter King is bitching about it, no other self-respecting person should be.

Respecting the Friday Morning Sun
Football Info You Could Get From a Preschooler After You’ve Stolen His Foul Ball
More Things I Thought I Thought While Picking Bits of Brett’s Dried Jizz Out Of My Eyelashes
Peter’s Friday Quagmires (Get It, Because I Love Family Guy!)
This Week In Football Players Who DIED (Duhn Duhn Duhhhhn!)
Pseudo-Quasi Football Column
I Can’t Shit On the Plane So I’ll Do It All Over Your Monitor

09.09.09 at 12:03 am

Paul Phillips

The banality of this man knows no bounds.

09.09.09 at 12:07 am

'thersfan

Romo and pussy juice are the new peanut butter and jelly

09.09.09 at 1:41 am

Kevin in ABQ

There were more than 100 fatalities in college football in 1906, and calls for the game to be banned. Rules changes were made. Now the biggest issue is an off-the-field blading by Stabby McStabber.

09.09.09 at 7:19 am

Big Black Richard

@NMC:

There is no way in hell that King has an editor. I’m convinced that they run his column unedited, and I’ll be convinced of that until the day that I am personally introduced to his editor.

At which point, I will kick his editor so hard in the nuts that they will come flying out of his mouth.

09.09.09 at 1:01 pm

Mike D

Carson Palmer = buzzkillington

It’s always great when you’re drinking beers with buddies after gold and then someone starts talking about death…(if there’s one person who loves to listen about consequences for actions it’s Ben Roethlisberger