It's almost like Chris Brown has someone advising him on how to be the least likable person on the planet. Of course, there's the whole ongoing Rihanna affair, and the public spats he's been in as a result. But now he's been accused of angrily stealing a girl's iPhone outside a Miami club this weekend.

The girl, Christal Spann, filed a police report on Sunday saying she'd followed Chris and rapper Tyga out of the nightclub and taken a picture of Chris getting into his car. He got pissed, reached out through his car window, and snatched her phone, saying, "Bitch, you're not gonna put that on the internet." He then rolled up the window and drove away—with the pricey phone.

Police are still investigating, so no arrests, warrants, etc. are in the mix yet. But Chris is still on probation for beating Rihanna, so this could be considered a parole violation and could land him in jail. Hope it was worth it, man. Sure, those pics won't be on the internet, but now yet another tale of you being a hotheaded jerk is. [TMZ]

Fans of Ross, Rachel, and the gang, prepare to weep. Jennifer Aniston has quashed any notion of a Friends movie ever happening. She told the Hollywood Reporter,

I can't imagine how you would do it, unless you did it years from now. Then it would be: "Who are these guys? What are we watching?" I can't imagine what that would be. It's not normal. Friends is in your living room; Friends is not in a movie theater. It doesn't make sense to me. I think it would be going against its authentic self.

Sigh. If it makes you feel any better, though, she says she's confident that Ross and Rachel are doing well:

They're absolutely, 100 percent together. They have more kids! He's probably still working, and hopefully they're still hanging out somewhere. It would be really upsetting if they weren't; it would bum me out.

Weirdly, that is actually an upsetting thought. So at least we know they're living happily ever after in imaginary land. [THR]

Well, it's been a few days since Whitney Houston's funeral, and reports are that her daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown has returned home to Atlanta and is doing okay. A source said, "She's still obviously got a lot to deal with but she's doing a little better each day, and being back home in Atlanta seems to be a good thing." Let's hope she's on the upswing and this is the last we hear of her because she's doing so well and leading such a happy life that it's completely uninteresting to the tabloids. [People]

And in other Whitney news, the funeral home that handled her service and burial says they had nothing to do with releasing the photo of her in the casket, and they're very angry at whoever did release it. [LAT]

Last week, the National Enquirer had us reeling from a morbid photo shoot in which a model was paid …
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Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton divorced in 2003, but they're still on good terms. And now he's called in that friendship chip to have her write the foreword to his new book, The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Ghosts, which will be out in May. It's said to include, "colorful tales of his modest (to say the least) Southern upbringing, his bizarre phobias (komodo dragons?), his life, his loves (including his heartbreakingly brief marriage to fellow Oscar winner Angelina Jolie), and, of course, his movie career." Sounds fascinating, but you know I really can't think about that right now, because I am too busy trying to figure out what scenario could possibly have led to him thinking that strange, long soul patch was a good idea. It's shudder-inducing. [People]

Aww, poor Snooki. The wine shop next to her new reality show home in Jersey City doesn't want her as a customer. They even put up a "No Snooki" sign in the window. JWoww apparently isn't welcome either, though for some reason she's not on the sign. Too bad they banned the boozy ladies because they'd probably have tripled the store's profits in a week. [TMZ]

The Oscars are only a few days away, and the list of presenters is growing by the second. Today's additions to the show: Christian Bale, Colin Firth, Melissa Leo, and Natalie Portman. That's good news indeed, because we need every normal-looking person we can get on stage to soothe our synapses after having to look at Billy Crystal's frozen mask of a face all night. [Deadline]

Pals Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips are going to get some help getting ready for the Oscars from their daughters, Matilda and Birdie Leigh. Then, while their moms are off living it up with the Hollywood elite, the girls will be having their own party together. Cute. [E!]

Wait, Justin Timberlake is going to play Elton John in a movie? That just might be the craziest thing I've ever heard...and yet it makes so much sense now that I've heard it. [MTV]

Is Rihanna dating Robert Kardashian? MediaTakeout swears up and down that the two are an item. They were apparently making out in a nightclub in London, but, considering the source, let's just cross our fingers and hope it is not true. I don't know how much more we can read the name Kardashian without totally losing it. [WoW]

Apparently, Britney Spears is desperate to appear on the new NBC show Smash. She'd better hurry up, because the ratings are falling swiftly each week! [InTouch]

Sweden's Crown Princess Victoria and her husband Prince Daniel had a baby girl today. No word yet on what her name is, but Daniel announced, "This morning at 26 minutes past 4 a.m . . . a very cute princess was born." Heh, it's funny because when most dads refer to their little girls as princesses they're not actually, you know, princesses, but this is the real deal. [OMG!]

Speaking of princesses, there is a new picture of Kate Middleton out walking her puppy Lupo. That dog is cute, but her boots are also very covetable. [Us]

Whoa. Katy Perry looks totally different all dressed up as a prison guard for her upcoming guest starring role in Raising Hope. [OMG]

Selena Gomez got her first tattoo: a tiny heart on her wrist. Let's hope the name Justin Bieber isn't etched microscopically inside the heart. That makes me wonder how many people actually do have Justin Bieber tattoos—probably an embarrassingly large number. [E!]

Dakota Fanning is turning 18 today, which will make a lot of us who can still remember when she was just a twinkle in Hollywood's eye feel very old. [ONTD]

Kate Gosselin talked to Dr. Drew and had a sad: "I mean, I'm so lonely. I clean up the house, put the kids to bed and I just sit there." [Extra TV]

Even if you felt like trying to stop Giuliana Rancic from doing something, don't bother. She says she cannot be stopped: "At this point I feel unstoppable and I want to do everything because I feel lucky to be given a second shot at life. A day will go by and I am like, 'I didn't think about breast cancer at all today.'" Good for her. [HuffPo]

American Idol alum Michael Lynche and his wife Christa have a new son, Kingston Michael Lynche. He is the couple's second child. [Digital Spy]