Even the exact definition of sociopathy is contended, making
it harder to estimate the amount of people actually living with
the disorder. So what makes a sociopath?

"Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding
in Plain Sight" brought the idea of what's known as
a "successful sociopath" into the mainstream. It's a memoir
of someone who was allegedly diagnosed as a sociopath, and
describes how she works her way through life, using some of
these sociopathic traits to her advantage by scheming and
manipulating.

According to the author, M. E. Thomas (a pseudonym)
it's in a sociopath's best interest to appear "normal."
Thomas says this helped her to succeed in life without
causing any suspicion and manipulate people behind the
scenes when she could.

There's a fair amount of speculation over whether
Thomas was telling the whole truth, and some believe the
book is merely a clever work of fiction. Either way, how exactly
do sociopaths get by around us without raising anyone's
suspicion? We spoke to one to find out how he does it.

Keep in mind that one individual experience cannot represent
an entire population, but instead merely provides some
interesting insight into how one person diagnosed with the
disorder goes about his daily life. Also be aware that like any
disorder, sociopathy occurs on a spectrum, and there's no one
right answer to any question.

Another thing to remember is that one of the traits of sociopaths
is an inflated sense of their own superiority, and the tendency
to exaggerate, so bear that in mind.

Down the rabbit hole

I started my search for a sociopath on internet forums, figuring
it was the best place to look for someone who was detached from
society but also willing to talk. After sending some requests,
and a couple of taunts and jokes made at my expense on the
boards, people started privately reaching out to me.

Eventually, I met David (not his real name). He's between the
ages of 25 and 35 and once worked in investment banking, but
now is in a high-up position at a tech company that
he co-founded.

For the sake of anonymity he asked me not to give away too much
of his personal or work information, and not to mention the
community I found him on. In return he would honestly and
transparently answer any questions I had.

Antisocial personality disorder is one of the most difficult
personality disorders to treat, and unless it's
court-ordered, it's a choice whether people go for treatment
or not. In fact, there is no known effective
treatment for this disorder.

David said he knew he was different from a young age, but it
wasn't until he was a bit older that the difference became more
pronounced, mostly with his "willingness to use violence as
a tool of persuasion."

"I did have a few run-ins with authority figures and
institutions, like most children," David said. "They thought that
these run-ins were extreme enough that a psychological evaluation
was in order."

Leading up to his diagnosis, David said he was doing well at
school, but he was easily bored and recalled starting to
associate with what he called "wrong people."

"Violence and abuse to me was a way to deal with the boredom of
school," he said. "In some ways it's animalistic, if you've ever
hunted you'll understand what I'm talking about.

"The look of pure animalistic fear bordering panic is something
to behold. It's a primal sort of feeling."

Are sociopaths really the puppet-masters?

To David, the diagnosis is just an invisible label, and no one
— except for his parents — has ever known about it. Traits
like impulsivity, aggressiveness, recklessness and the inability
to conform to social norms are all traits which aren't ideal for
someone who is trying to navigate in a modern workplace, so
he keeps his diagnosis to himself.

"The traits of sociopathy almost all work against someone trying
to do well in our society, which is why most end up in jail," he
said. "However, if used in the right way and kept in check, these
are also traits which make a great leader."

For example, David said his personality has been
advantageous in getting him where he wants to be in his career.

"My boldness, ruthlessness and strength of will have defined who
I am," he said. "People are too scared of authority, too content
with taking the beaten path, but most of all, they are enablers
of weakness.

"They are the ones responsible for the disease of mediocrity
spreading within an organization. The road less traveled is
littered with the careers of the weak, but I won't apologize for
not tolerating their weakness."

At the same time, David understands that some of his personality
would be off-putting if he laid it all out bare. In reality, many
of the real traits of his ASPD are hidden to the people around
him, like his recklessness or lack of remorse.

"Displaying a lower level of empathy is to almost everyone
extremely off-putting," he said. "Learning to care more about
people and understanding other their perspective, is something
that I work on constantly."

When it comes to manipulating people, David doesn't see it as so
black and white. Indeed, where does the line between
persuasion and manipulation blur?

"People are dumb, and often times don't know what is best for
them or the organization," he said. If I then take the liberty to
use any means necessary to make them see the situation my way, is
that really wrong?"

He didn't elaborate on what "any means necessary" meant, but he
did say the whip and carrot are both "excellent tools"
and "anything that will get them from A to B, so long as it is
legal, is necessary."

David understands that the traits related to
sociopathy don't make for stable, long-term relationships,
and the way he gets around this is by compartmentalizing
relationships as well as performing differently in front of
different groups of people.

"You can be one person when that fits the situation and another
when that's more appropriate," he said. "Partners tend to bore
me, [because] I'm someone who enjoys extremes.

"Most people on the other hand tend to be mundane and they enjoy
everyday life. I want and crave action and I detest mediocrity."

In other words, the idea of a "normal" family life to David
sounds "dreadfully boring." While David puts aside his tendencies
in the work place, he has no real reason to pretend to be
something he's not in personal relationships. Romantic
relationships simply don't interest him in the same way that
they're the goal for so many other people.

Sociopaths aren't necessarily loners

Before I spoke to David, I talked to the creator of one of
the forums I was on. She set it up so that people with
sociopathic diagnoses could talk and get to know each other
without limits, and with that came some disturbing content
being discussed on the boards.

Ultimately though, she said it was a place where isolated
people could make friends without ridicule or judgment, and many
of the people had been going there for years. It's easy to judge
from the outside looking in, but when I spent a bit of time
there, there was a sense of a community.

The founder also said to me that she believed both that everyone
is a sociopath and nobody is. I posed this question to
David.

"From a certain point of view, sure," he said. "It's a question
of to what extent people exhibit these traits and to what degree
these hinder them from fitting into society.

"The cartoonish popular idea of a sociopath is that taken to the
extreme. No one acts like that. Everyone is different in one way
or another."

In the end, he said, sociopathy is simply a label to define
a set of traits that are more prevalent in one group of
people.