It’s a bit pathetic now that I actually have to say it out loud, but at the time it was like all of my walls were closing in and people on the outside could see me but had no interest in helping me.

I mean I literally stood outside my parents’ bedroom with my wrists dripping blood saying ‘mommy I need help’ and do you know what she did? She said ‘good lord be more careful Lana and pleaaase don’t drip onto my new rug’. She sent me on my way with a fucking box of bandages and a pat on the head after I had just sliced my skin open on my bathroom floor.

Teenagers these days live a life of sleaze with ease and I had had enough. My friends smoke, they drink, they steal and pick fights and it all feels normal. I don’t do any of it because I’m the ‘mom’ of the group and they keep me around as their conscious. I can’t help but feel betrayed by the way I was brought up because in the end it was my morals that caused this mess. They never saved me.

Please don’t interrupt me, doctor, because this is just the setup. I don’t know where along the evolution line girls got so cold and cruel, but I have felt the extent that they’ll go just to keep themselves feeling relevant.

This whole thing started with a girl, a psychotic girl who used to be my best friend, and ends with a girl who is even more messed up than I am.

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