Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

(I work in telephone banking for a major bank. In our system, we can see all of the customer’s call history, from wait time, last 20 calls, who the customer spoke to, and any notes left by previous bankers.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [Bank]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, thank f*** for that! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? 35 f****** minutes! And all I wanted to do was check my balance on my credit card!”

(I can clearly see the customer has waited a total of 25 seconds from the start of his call to speak to me.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about any wait there, but you have come through fully identified, so thank you for putting in your customer number and access code. Now before I can—”

Customer: “Now you just f****** wait a minute. I’ve been waiting 35 minutes to speak to you, and you aren’t even going to apologize for making me wait? What kind of f****** s*** customer service are you lot running there? Huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I did apologize for the wait that you experienced and I—”

Customer: “Get your f****** manager now! I don’t have to deal with this! I demand compensation for my time and phone charges! Get your manager!”

(I put the customer on hold and signal for a manager to take an escalated call. While I wait for my manager to arrive, I look at the customer history. I see that the customer has been with us for five years. He seems to call twice a year, and almost always demands to speak to a manager, repeatedly demanding compensation. He has been told by our relations department that they will not compensate him further because he has been given close to $2000 in refunded interest on his credit card over the five years. There is a special note from the head of the relations department simply saying ‘if customer threatens to close accounts, process request. Do not attempt win-back.’ I recap the call so far to my manager, and advise him about the notes from the relations department as well. Total wait for the caller has now been two minutes.)

Manager: “Hello, sir, my name is [Name] and I’m a manager. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, hasn’t that taken you a f****** lifetime to answer?! I’m sick of this s***! I demand that I have interest repaid to my credit card or I’ll close all my accounts!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m not going to be able to repay the interest for you, as you’ve already had close to $2000 refunded to you over the past—”

Customer: “Well, then close my accounts! Close them now! If you can’t fulfill a simple request like that, f*** you and [Bank]! I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

Manager: “Sir, just so I have it clear: you are formally requesting for me to close out your accounts with [Bank] right now?”

Customer: “That’s what I f***** said; you people just—”

Manager: “Okay, sir, as requested all your accounts are now closed. The amount you had owing on your credit card has been automatically paid from your everyday account, leaving you a balance of $52.16, which I’ll post out to you as a check. I’m sorry you’ve chosen to leave [Bank], but I hope you have a wonderful day.”

Customer: “YOU CLOSED MY ACCOUNTS?! BUT I—”

Manager: “You requested for them to be close on a recorded phone call where you were asked to confirm your wishes. You aren’t scamming anymore FREE money from [Bank].”

(I have just gotten off my shift as a cashier, and am filling up my gas tank at a gas station right near my store before I head home. My jacket is covering up my uniform. A man approaches me in his car, telling me basically his whole life story about being in the military, just getting out of the hospital, not having eaten all day, and needing food to take his diabetic medication.)

Man: “Would you be able to give me some food?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t.”

Man: “Well, why the f*** not?!”

Me: “Because, not even an hour ago, I saw you at my work, buying a full cart of groceries, and munching on a donut from our bakery. Unless you’ve eaten through all that food in so little time, I’m sure you’d be able to eat something with which to take your medication.”

Man: “F*** YOU!”

(As I go inside to buy myself something to drink, I see another poor generous soul buying him food, as well as filling his gas tank. I hope one day he gets what’s coming to him.)

(The market I work at keeps the packages of detergent pods on the middle shelf. A customer sees where they are, and flips out.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?!”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Is there anyone I can talk to about the placement of the detergent pods?”

Me: “Our manager isn’t in right now. If you want, I can give you his name so you can bring the matter up with him at a later date.”

Customer: “I want you to do something about it now! These are poisonous to young children. If a child were to open one of these and eat one in the store, you would have a major lawsuit on your hands!”

Me: “We’ve never had an issue with the placement of the product before, but I could see if the acting manager can do something about it.”

(I go to page the acting store manager to the aisle. When I return to the aisle, the customer is nowhere to be seen, but there is a young girl trying to open one of the containers. Upon seeing me the young child drops the container on the floor causing them to spill everywhere.)

Child: “I’m sorry!”

(As if on cue, the customer comes flying into the aisle.)

Customer: “See what I mean?! It’s a good thing you were here to stop this little girl before she ate one! I can’t imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t come into the aisle when you had! See how easy it is for a child to get into them?!”

Child: “But Mommy, you told me to open it!”

(The customer turns beet red, grabs her daughter, and sprints from the aisle. Thankfully she is stopped by the acting manager who had heard the entire exchange. It turns out that the woman had pulled the same stunt at several other markets in the area to get some form of compensation. She was forced to pay for the detergent pods in the end.)