Help young people avoid negative labels

By CAROLE SWEETER Extension Educator/4-H Youth Development Edmunds County IPSWICH - "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Remember this phrase from your childhood? The truth is words really can hit as hard as a fist and unkind labels can follow children throughout their school years. Although children have always picked on peers who didn't seem to fit in, today the verbal abuse has become bolder and in some cases lead to violence or even suicide. - ame-calling is the use of any negative label to describe another person. Children often use labels like: stupid, baby, idiot, moron, nerd, queer, gay or other slurs. Parents sometimes find themselves using similar words and some may not even realize that they are name-calling. Any negative label has the potential to hurt a child's feelings but children who are frequently insulted eventually come to feel less adequate, less competent and less lovable. This effect is much more powerful in childhood when there sense of self-worth has not yet fully formed. Once a child entertains the notion that these labels might be correct, the label can be crippling. For example, the child who regularly hears that they are stupid, begins to believe they can't learn and then stops trying to succeed. What can you do? First and foremost, don't allow labels in your home. Explain that using labels is insensitive and they prevent you from seeing the person as an individual. Talk with your children about the cruelty that some words convey. Explain that being different isn't justification for being harassed. Talk to your children about false impressions. A girl who would rather play sports rather than dolls is not boyish or a lesbian, she is just a girl who would rather play sports. And conversely, a boy who doesn't enjoy rough and tumble activities is not gay. They just choose to follow their own interests. Pay close attention how your children and their friends behave toward others and talk with them on how it would feel if they were the targets of name calling. Decide on a consequence and make it clear that whenever you hear an insult, the consequence will be enforced. And then do it.