Our age gap is not a big deal. Genuinely. Day-to-day, I barely notice it. We’re two adults, living adult lives.

It’s only when yet another bit of research comes out, telling us that we’re doomed to fail, that I remember how much younger I am. And to be totally honest, it’s pretty bloody depressing.

A newly released Australian study, which started in 2001, observed 19,914 Australian households over the course of 13 years and then analysed the data. And for those of us who aren’t the same age as our partners, it doesn’t look good.

We still can’t get over this one. (Photo by Jean Catuffe/GC Images)

In a statement, co-author of the study Terra McKinnish said:

‘We find that men who are married to younger wives are the most satisfied, and men who are married to older wives are the least satisfied. Women are also particularly dissatisfied when they’re married to older husbands and particularly satisfied if they’re married to younger husbands.’

So basically, if you’ve married someone younger you’re happy, if you’ve married someone older, you’re screwed.

Great.

It’s pretty depressing to be confronted with a long, wide study which strongly implies your marriage is doomed to fail. But I can’t help thinking that this study is a bit unfair. How many same-age couples would report being totally satisfied over the course of 13 years together?

Marriage is hard. Keeping another person blissfully happy until one of you pops your clogs is a tall order. But I refuse to believe it’s any harder just because you’ve got an age gap.

Age gap relationships can be brilliant.

Me and my husband. (Picture: Getty)

In my case, I get to revel in my husband’s life experiences, wisdom and maturity while he gets to share the silly fun excitement of my mid-twenties.

The study claims that a lack of shared goals is the reason that these relationships break down, but I would argue that’s the case in any relationship. If one of you wants to jack in your career and go travelling while the other is wedded to their job and flat, that’s going to be an issue. How old either of those people are is by-the-by.

For someone like me, who was born 35 years old, the idea of going to a house party and staying up until 5AM is not a fun one. At least not on the reg. My weekends are make up of dinner parties, Sunday lunches, Farmer’s markets and up-cycling furniture. Which my husband also enjoys (except he’s the actual age you’re supposed to be for that stuff).

I would have a whole lot less in common with the average 26 year old man than I do with my 38 year old husband.

Revolutionary as it might sound, you can have shared goals, tastes and desires with someone who is older than you, and if you do, you’re golden.

‘You didn’t watch any of the same kids TV programs!’ is an odd line that people like to trot out while quizzing you over how you can possibly be happy together. No, we didn’t. Funnily enough, that doesn’t seem to have brought our marriage crashing down around us. How often do you same-age people talk about kids TV programs?

17 years between these two. (Picture: Getty Images)

I like that we didn’t grow up in the same decade. Much like going out with someone who is from a different culture or country, it’s interesting to hear about a childhood diverse from your own.

That’s not to say that having an age gap is always smooth sailing. One aspect which can precipitate failure is the support systems around you.

It’s extremely difficult to sustain a relationship if you don’t have the support of your friends and family. Denise Knowles, councillor for Relate told Metro.co.uk:

‘Having a disapproving family can put the couple in a difficult position. Sometimes both partners find themselves trying to prove the doubters wrong. Often couples who have unsupportive families find themselves clinging to each other more, and when inevitable tiffs happen, they don’t feel that they’re able to be transparent with their families, in case they add fuel to the fire.’

So if your family are uncomfortable with you dating someone a lot older of younger, which is pretty common, that’s going to contribute to marital struggles. When I first started dating my husband, people kept asking what my parents thought of the age gap.

Bey and Jay are 12 years apart. (Picture: Getty Images)

I’d just ended a relationship with someone 36 years my senior, so the honest answer was ‘bloody relieved’ – but it still seem strange to me that any adult would feel they needed their parent’s permission to date someone older or younger.

Dating someone much older can also strain your friendships. If your friends struggle to find common ground with your partner and end up leaving you out because of that, it can make you feel isolated and alone, putting pressure on the relationship.

So yes, it’s undeniable that the research found age gap relationships less likely to end well. But I’m pretty sure it’s not the age gap which causes the problem. It’s the way people treat your age gap, combined with a healthy helping of all the other factors which make any marriage difficult.

Or maybe all the endless speculation about whether or not your marriage can go the distance because one of you is so shamefully ancient is what finally pulls you apart?