An academy for growth and guidance

Month: August 2017

“Failures are the stepping stones to success” Certainly. But this is an idea that is promoted only as one becomes an adult. However, as a child, all one is taught to believe in is – “try, try, try; till you succeed”.

Why isn’t failure considered important during childhood? Why are children inclined towards the thought that failure makes them bad children in the eyes of their parents? As one faces challenges at work, at home or in life, words of encouragement are often spoken in favour of failure and how certain failures are only helping us climb towards the peak of success. But how often have we seen parents deal with children’s failures in a similar manner?

It’s essential to teach children the concept of failure, help them deal with and overcome the same, in order to eliminate the fear of failure in life. If dealt with appropriately at the right age, children grow up to be bold and courageous, attempting every task in every field with decreased fear of not succeeding. And isn’t that more important? To try and not succeed than to not try at all?

The goal is to ensure that each activity or task given at school is being enjoyed and a lot is being learnt from it. And in most cases, success does follow if one takes up a challenge passionately. If not, it’s the parents’ duty to help the child talk about the failure and relive and focus on the experience than the outcome.

Furthermore, isn’t it essential at some level for a person to fail? Because, from failure is where we receive a better understanding of ourselves. A failure in your child’s life and the way you handle it could take you one step closer to successful and effective parenting.

The effects of childhood bullying could last for longer than you think. Research has shown that children who have been bullied could experience low self-esteem, anxiety and depression as adults. Bullying in some cases is unavoidable and parents might not be able to prevent it but the key to overcoming its side effects is helping the child deal with it post an incident. Usually children are reluctant to talk about such incidents with their parents or friends with the fear of being judged or being called a “sissy”. However, bullying never ends with the act. It could haunt a child life-long. And carrying forward baggage like that might be harmful at various levels.

Furthermore, if you thought bullying was restricted to children, it’s time to dig deeper! Adults too face different kinds of bullying and what is termed as “ostracism” could instill fear and insecurity in adults too. From verbal bullying to online bullying, bullying could take various forms, but all leading to catastrophic consequences (including personality disorders), if not dealt with sensibly and sensitively.

Children may not have the courage to express their problems explicitly, but adults must find the courage to do so! Identifying the different forms of bullying is essential in the case of adults. Even something as common as someone forcing their decisions or ideas on you at a workplace, is a form of bullying. Standing up for yourself at a time like that is imperative!

One might wonder, what causes people to turn into bullies. Surprisingly, bullies themselves are often suffering from personality disorders or depression urging them to take respite by performing acts of bullying. Some may also have poor relationships with their families or might be facing difficulties in their academic work, leading them to believe that the only way of displaying strength or power lies in bullying.

With a profound increase in the number of suicides amongst children, bullying must be looked into from all angles. Acknowledging that your child is being bullied is only the beginning; followed by being there for your child and lending an ear when required. Effective parenting can help children overcome the impact of bullying and grow up to be secure, happy individuals.

This blog was based on the article – Bullying ke side-effects in Bangalore Mirror paper on 25th July 2017-http://epaperbeta.timesofindia.com//Article.aspx?eid=31820&articlexml=Bullying-ke-side-effects-25072017020006

Parenting is a very well-known but unconquered territory, or so many may believe! Very few parents are seen mastering the art of parenting without being dubious at every stage of bringing up their children. Research comes and goes, sometimes helping and sometimes confusing parents! And a popular trend in our country seems to be “helicopter parenting”. The term signifies over-indulgence of parents in their child’s work and decisions, even if the children are almost adults. Hovering over children, monitoring their studies, school work and other activities, could provide a lot of relief to parents and could prove to be as much of a burden to the children.

But what that burden could do to the children in the long run is what is worrying.

The good intentions of parents could infact transition into fear and lack of confidence in children, with long term effects like depression and in some cases, self-harm. Research has also shown us that parents who help children develop age-appropriate autonomy are actually making a path for independent adults who are also known to be more stable when it comes to jobs and marriages. Interventions by parents in children’s lives could seem harmless at an age where the parent still feels the need to control their kids. However, the damage caused could reflect much later in life and with higher intensity.

Understanding the distinction between aiding the child in making decisions and making the decision for them might seem obvious, but in many cases, isn’t. Parents feel that the children need them, and are incapable of making the right decisions. The roots of the belief could be well rested in our culture and the system that has led many of our ancestors to believe that the “parents know better’. Be it in choosing a career or bride for their children, the parents are believed to be more ideal selectors, than the children themselves.

Few parents now, are seen providing a healthy environment for children to make decisions, mistakes and learn from the same. The courage to do so, could in fact make your children more courageous and well-equipped to handle bigger issues in life.

Helicopter parenting might be a trend now, but as hoped by pysochologists, the trend must change soon to make way for an independent generation.