About the Site Founder

Mental health and infertility awareness blogger; helping to break down the stigma's of these so called of taboo subjects.
A lot of the information is sourced from my own personal experiences and as well as consulting with others.
I have a passion to share information and I created Butterflies and Fire to do just that. I am working with individuals to help share their stories to make people aware of the person behind the "label."
Butterflies and Fire is my personal expression about how depression makes me feel. Some days I'm happy and free like a butterfly in spring but then there are days when it feels like my brain, heart and soul are alight with an uncontrollable burn of self loathing. Depression doesn't define me though and I have come to realise my demons and work with them. So now it is time for me to help someone else do the same. If I can help just that one person I will be forever happy. Then hopefully that person will help someone else and so on. #PayItForward

My name is June, I am 46 and I live in the North East of Scotland with my husband Paul. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at the age of 37 after a few months of tests and discussions with my Doctor at the time. Looking back I think I started suffering the effects of Fibromyalgia as early as 12 years old but at the time it was put down as growing pains. I have many memories of struggling to do things in my teenage years and feeling constantly exhausted but I just assumed this was me growing up and that becoming an adult was a tiring job.

Fibromyalgia, for those that don’t know anything about it is a chronic condition of widespread pain and profound fatigue. The pain tends to be felt as diffuse aching or burning, often described as head to toe. It may be worse at some times than at others. It may also change location, usually becoming more severe in parts of the body that are used most. And the fatigue can go from feeling tired to feeling exhausted and feeling flu-like. It feels like someone has pulled the plug or the person hasn’t managed to recharge their batteries and all energy has been used up.

Fibromyalgia Syndrome is a collection of symptoms and you may have only a few of them or most or them or somewhere in between.

My personal journey with Fibromyalgia has had many ups and downs and a lot of learning curves to cope with as well as many life changes. I have gone from a pretty healthy woman in her 30’s who loved life and loved her job in social care and worked hard at it to a woman in her 40’s who is constantly exhausted, in severe pain 24/7 and has to use mobility aids to get around and had to give up work in February 2016 at the age of 45. Looking back this wasn’t what I had planned for my personal journey through life but when you are thrown a few curve balls you adapt and change to accommodate them.

I became very ill whilst working as a pupil support assistant at a special needs school in Aberdeen and found that I started suffering from migraines on a near daily basis. That and finding when I got out of bed in the morning that I couldn’t walk with my feet flat on the ground as it felt like my tendons had tightened overnight so I had to tiptoe around. Then after a frightening episode in the car when my eyesight went funny and I nearly crashed my car on the way to work, I decided to seek medical treatment. Previous to this I had had some periods of sick leave from the job I had with a local council and this was put down to depression. I thought though at the time it was more than that as I was in constant pain and I found that my memory was affected and whenever I returned from sick leave I felt like I had to start again from scratch as though I was new at my job. So I knew something wasn’t quite right and that I needed to explore further.

A trip to the Doctors in early 2008 lead me to explain my symptoms in detail and I was adamant that it wasn’t just depression that I had. It was a different Doctor I saw that day and she listened and then went and printed off an article on Fibromyalgia and said take this home and read it and then come back in a week. I read the article as soon as I got home and everything in it described me and how I was feeling at the time. I had finally found out what was wrong with me and now that I did, I could work out how to manage it.

Hi everyone, we are pleased to share with you our essential item checklist to help when preparing for the arrival of your little one. As I am expecting my first in November, I thought it would be a good idea to share with you the essential items that I have purchased. I have also listed a few of the items that I have purchased to give you some inspiration.

I should point out that these items are all based on my own personal research. This was based on information from health care workers / new mum websites and of course my yummy mummy friends and family members.

Be sure to pin this list on Pinterest as a resource and if you have a friend or family member who is expecting, be sure to pass along the link!

Clothing

It all depends on the season you will be having baby in which decides some items such as snow suits / pram suits or sun hats. You will likely receive a lot of baby clothes at a baby shower or just as gifts when the little one is born.

Washing your baby’s clothes

There’s no evidence that using washing powders with enzymes (bio powders) or fabric conditioners will irritate your baby’s skin.

Sleeping

For the first few months, you’ll need a cot or Moses basket (a light, portable bassinet). Your baby needs to sleep somewhere that’s safe, warm and not too far from you. The NHS advises that baby sleeps in the same room as you for the first 6 months so the item you purchase would depend on the room you have.

Baby nests are not suitable for your baby to sleep in when you’re not there because of the danger of suffocation.

If you are borrowing a crib or a cot, or using one that has been used by another of your children, you should buy a new mattress. If you can’t do this, use the cot mattress you have, as long as it’s firm (not soft), flat, fits the cot with no gaps, is clean, and waterproof.

You will need:

a firm mattress that fits the cot snugly without leaving spaces round the edges, so your baby cannot trap their head and suffocate

sheets to cover the mattress – you need at least four because they need to be changed often; fitted sheets make life easier but they can be quite expensive, so you could use pieces of old sheet

light blankets for warmth

Pillows and duvets

Don’t use pillows and duvets – they are not safe for babies who are less than a year old because of the risk of suffocation. Duvets can also make your baby too hot.

Sheets and layers of blankets tucked in firmly below your baby’s shoulder level or a baby sleeping bag are safe for your baby to sleep in.

Cot safety tips:

Your baby will spend many hours in a cot, so make sure it’s safe. If you’re buying a new cot, look for the British Standard mark BS EN 716-1.

The mattress must fit snugly, with no space for the baby’s head to get stuck.

The bars must be smooth, securely fixed, and the distance between each bar should be not less than 25mm (1 inch) and not more than 60mm (2.5 inches), so your baby’s head can’t get trapped.

The cot should be sturdy.

The moving parts should work smoothly and not allow fingers or clothing to get trapped.

Cot bumpers are not recommended as babies can overheat or get tangled in the fastenings.

Never leave anything with ties, such as bibs or clothes, in the cot as they might get caught around your baby’s neck.

The safest place for your baby to sleep is on their back in a cot in the same room as you for the first six months.

For more information on safe sleeping, see Reducing the risk of SIDS. You can also visit the Lullaby Trust website, which has lots of information on safe sleeping.

We opted for the East Hudson Cot Bed £139.99 The cot bed grows with your child and has three base heights. This particular model was ideal for hubby as he already has a bad back. This model requires a cot bed mattress 140 x 70cm. It was also really easy to put together I even managed to do it on my own.

Out and about with your baby

Spend some time looking at what’s available for getting around with your baby. Think about what will suit you best before you make a choice, and ask other mums what they’ve found useful.

Before buying a pushchair or a pram, check that:

the brakes are in good working order

the handles are at the right height for pushing

the frame is strong enough

Pushchairs

Pushchairs, also known as strollers and buggies, are only suitable for young babies if they have fully reclining seats, so your baby can lie flat. Wait until your baby can sit by themselves before using another type of pushchair. Choose a light pushchair if you will be lifting it on to trains or buses.

Prams

Prams give your baby a lot of space to sit and lie comfortably, but they take up a lot of space and are hard to use on public transport. If you have a car, look for a pram that can be dismantled easily. Consider buying a pram harness at the same time, as you may need it to strap your baby securely into the pram.

Three-in-one travel system

This is a carrycot and transporter (a set of wheels) that can be converted into a pushchair when your baby outgrows the carrycot. Shopping trays that fit under the pushchair or pram can also be very useful when you’re out.

​​We purchased the Hauck shopped SLX trioset Travel system in aqua/caviar £299.99 We liked the ease of putting it together and popping it down for transporting in and out the car. Plus I love the colour.

Car seats for babies

If you’ve got a car, you must have a baby car seat. Your baby must always go in their seat, including when you bring them home from the hospital. It’s illegal and also very dangerous to carry your baby in your arms in a vehicle.

The best way for your baby to travel is in a rear-facing infant car seat on the back seat, or the front passenger seat as long as it is not fitted with an airbag. The car seat is held in place by the adult safety belt.

The following advice should help make sure your baby’s car seat is as safe as possible:

Make sure the car seat is fitted correctly.

It is illegal and extremely dangerous to put a rear-facing infant car seat in the front passenger seat if your car is fitted with an airbag.

Ideally, buy a new car seat. If you’re planning to get a secondhand seat, only accept one from a family member or friend so you can be sure it hasn’t been involved in an accident. Don’t buy one from a secondhand shop or through the classified ads.

Although we got a car seat with the trioset we decided to get another one that was more permanent i.e. didn’t have to keep taking in and out of the car. We purchased the Joie i-Anchor Advance 01 in two tone black, available from Kiddicare for £169.99 What appealed to us was that the car seat is great from birth to 4 years old. It can be rear and forward facing and is part of the new I-size product range. The only downside is you have to purchase the I-base advance separately at a cost of £124.99

I will share more items I have purchased in follow up blog posts so make sure to keep coming back.

A quarter of all adults say their relationships with their partners come under pressure over the period, and an eighth say a festive argument made them want to split up.

Calls to Relate go up – up 59% over Christmas.

The average family has their first argument at 9.58am on Christmas Day morning.

Most likely reasons for increased anger are…

Who’s doing the washing up

Spending more time with family than usual

Too much alcohol

Battles over the TV remote control

Almost a third of people chose to go for a walk to avoid rows.

Pre-Christmas Preparation

Don’t give yourself a hard time about making Christmas perfect – it’s not all your responsibility and it is just one day in the year.

Think about what sets you off and figure out in advance how you are going to deal with it.

Plan ahead and think of the big picture (whatever the other person / thing does, it will all be over within a day (few days) and getting angry may not be worth the long term effect.

Think about the person who might make you angry: now write a list of their good points and think about the things you appreciate about that person (there is some good in all of us).Try to focus on those good things.

Plan to share the responsibility for the day. Share out chores with the children and the other adults. Get some firm agreements on what each person will do, so the success of the day isn’t on your shoulders entirely.

Do as much as you can in advance.

Agree beforehand with other family members some rules and arrangements that will help things go smoothly.

On the Festive Day(s)

Don’t drink too much – alcohol is responsible for lots of arguments, and it is more difficult to keep a perspective when under the influence of drink. Drinking lowers your defenses and changes your mood.

Try not to tackle controversial matters over the phone, email or texts. Body language and facial expressions are vital to appreciating the other person’s point of view.

Learn to break recurring conversations that always lead to an old argument. Take action and change the subject as smoothly as you can.

Take deep breaths and count to 10 if you are getting frustrated. Think about the consequences and step back.

If you feel yourself getting angry, take yourself out of the situation. If you can walk away and find a quiet place, or go for a walk, it will give you important time to calm and think about the bigger picture. Tell people you’re going for a walk because you have eaten a lot, not because you need to escape.

Remember if you shout, it’s likely your children will shout back at you.

You only have to ……eat sprouts/ speak to your uncle / say thanks for an unwanted present / (add your own option here), just for the day to make the festivities flow smoothly.

Accept the inevitable (e.g. there will be a mess /your mother-in-law will say something you don’t like / etc, and try not to argue over smaller things.

Look for the positives – seeing family / friends, the memories the children will have of happy Christmases, and the meal itself, which research says is the most enjoyable part of Christmas for many people.

Since 1998 the British Association of Anger Management has helped thousands of people
learn about anger and find healthy ways to express themselves saving their relationships, careers, health and families.

Anti bullying Week 2017 is being held between the 13th and 17th November and is organised by Anti-Bullying Alliance. Follow the events on social media using #antibullyingweek and #abw17. The theme will promote difference and equality in schools with the tag-line ‘All Different, All Equal’.

Anti-Bullying Week runs from 13-17 November 2017

The theme for Anti-Bullying Week has been announced by the Anti-Bullying Alliance and will promote difference and equality in schools with the tag-line ‘All Different, All Equal’.

The idea is to help children and young people celebrate what makes them, and others, unique and help them understand why it’s important that every child feels included in school able to be themselves without fear of bullying.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance will be supporting schools with a range of free activities to help them take action to prevent bullying and create safe environments for their pupils with their pupils. They will also be launching a film competition for young people in the coming weeks.

The theme is based on the views of almost 600 children and young people who completed an Anti-Bullying Alliance survey, as well as consultation with ABA’s many members. The young people surveyed said they wanted to talk tackling bullying as a result of perceived difference.

World Psoriasis Day is a global annual awareness day specially dedicated to people with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. Conceived by patients for patients, #WPD is a truly worldwide event that sets out to give an international voice to the more than 125 million people with psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis around the world. Formed by a global consortium of patient associations from around the world (the International Federation of Psoriasis Associations or IFPA), World Psoriasis Day aims to raise the profile of a condition that needs to be taken more seriously by national and international authorities.

Aims of World Psoriasis Day

Every day, people with psoriasis face immense barriers in society, including in the health care system, at work, in school and in social interactions. Through World Psoriasis Day, we hope to encourage our supporters to take part by pledging to do one or more of the following:

The theme for World Psoriasis Day 2017 is “Psoriasis Inside Out” and it is all about showing all aspects of the disease and to give a face to pso/psa and to share stories. For that reason, IFPA and its members in 56 countries are organising awareness-raising and advocacy campaigns to improve access to treatment, increase understanding and build unity among the psoriasis community.

Psoriasis Myths and Misconceptions

Unlike other ailments, psoriasis can be seen on the skin and often people guess at what is wrong. They wonder if the lesions might be contagious, which they are not, or that the person who has psoriasis is unclean, overly nervous or high-strung, which they may be, but that is not the reason they have psoriasis.

Sometimes they may believe the person who has the skin disorder did something to cause psoriasis to appear; but that, too, is also false.

Psoriasis is a disorder stemming from a physical defect just like other disorders, such as arthritis, asthma, diabetes or nearsightedness. It is very important to educate the public about psoriasis and not allow myths to spread.

Common myths about psoriasis:

Myth: “Psoriasis is contagious.”

Fact: Psoriasis, especially in moderate or severe forms, is highly visible. Because of the abnormal growth of skin cells, thick red scaly inflamed patches of skin appear. However, psoriasis is not contagious. You can’t ‘catch’ the disease from another person and you can’t pass it on to someone else by touching them or having close contact. Actually, psoriasis is as contagious as freckles!

Myth: “Psoriasis is just a skin disease. A cosmetic problem.”

Fact: Psoriasis is chronic disease of the immune system that causes the abnormal growth of skin cells. While a normal skin cell matures in 28 to 30 days and is shed from the skin’s surface unnoticed, a psoriatic skin cell takes only 3 to 4 days to mature and move to the surface, resulting in cells piling up and forming the scaly lesions. Psoriasis lesions can be painful and itchy, and they can crack and bleed.
About 30 – 50% of all people with psoriasis also develop psoriasis arthritis which causes pain, stiffness and swelling in and around the joints.
Skin inflammation in psoriasis is just the tip of the iceberg – there is increasing evidence suggesting links with serious health concerns such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, liver disease, depression and obesity

Myth: “Psoriasis only affects patients physically.”

Fact: Aside from the physical burden of the disease, there is also a significant psychological and emotional impact experienced by psoriasis sufferers. People with psoriasis often report feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, anger, frustration and even depression related to the appearance of their skin and how others react to their condition. Some patients with severe psoriasis have even experienced thoughts of
suicide. Many individuals react to their condition by wearing concealing clothing, curtailing everyday activities such as swimming or going to the gym if it means they will attract stares or negative comments. Psoriasis sufferers often compare the dysfunction and disability of the condition to that experienced by people with other chronic conditions such as diabetes or heart disease.

Myth: “Psoriasis is caused by poor hygiene.”

Fact: Psoriasis is a disease of the immune system and has nothing to do with poor hygiene. Triggers that can influence the course of psoriasis include infections, stress or worry, hormonal changes, injury to the skin, alcohol, obesity, poor diet, and certain medications.

Myth: “Psoriasis can be cured”

Fact: Psoriasis is a chronic, life-long disease. There is no known cure yet, but with new options and improved existing treatments, people have a wide variety of ways to help manage the symptoms of psoriasis. Until a cure for psoriasis is found, pharmaceutical research continues to hold the best hope for increasingly more effective therapies leading to better overall management of psoriasis. Research into the immune system has led to the development of new biological drugs that target the underlying causes of the
condition.

Myth: “Psoriasis is easily diagnosed.”

Fact: Many conditions affecting the skin look alike, for example some early symptoms of psoriasis, such as itching and redness, look the same as eczema or atopic dermatitis. This can sometimes make the disease difficult to diagnose. It’s important to see a doctor who can do the necessary tests to make a proper diagnosis.

Myth: “Psoriasis cannot be inherited.”

Fact: While many patients with no family history develop psoriasis, there is a genetic link in approximately 40 – 60% of patients with the condition. Numerous studies point to a genetic predisposition, or inherited tendency, for these patients to develop psoriasis. Having the genetic predisposition, however, doesn’t necessarily mean that an individual will develop the disease. Other contributing factors, such as injury or infection, may act in conjunction with several genes, or specific patterns of genes, to set in motion the chain of events resulting in psoriasis.

Each year 9-15 October is Baby Loss Awareness Week. Throughout the week bereaved parents, their families and friends, unite with each other and others across the world to commemorate their babies’ lives.

Baby Loss Awareness Week also provides a chance to raise awareness about the issues surrounding pregnancy and baby loss in the UK. This year we are calling for improved bereavement support for families affected by baby and pregnancy loss.

In the UK, Baby Loss Awareness Week is a collaboration between more than 40 charities.

Join us for the Global Wave of Light

Baby Loss Awareness Week finishes each year on October 15th with the global ‘Wave of Light’. October 15th is also International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and is recognised across the world.

We would like to invite you to join with other families across the world and take part in the global ‘Wave of Light’. Simply light a candle at 7pm local time and leave it burning for at least 1 hour to join us in remembering all babies that have died too soon. This can be done individually or in a group, at home or in a communal space. Wherever you do this, you will be joining a global ‘Wave of Light’ in memory of all the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time.

This year we’re also inviting you to join a digital Wave of Light at 7pm local time on October 15. To get involved, take a photo of your candle and post it to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram using #WaveOfLight at 7pm local time.

Well it wouldn’t be a mental health awareness blog without some more mental health awareness would it 😊

Today is mental awareness awareness day or 10th October 2017 to the rest of you. This day is used to help raise awareness of a multitude of areas connected to mental health. It isn’t a day to start pointing the finger at people and calling them names!!

At some point you or someone you know will suffer from a mental health illness. Whether it is stress, depression, anxiety or something much more. We all need to to work together to tackle the stigma. Mental health illness does not make you weak or inferior. It doesn’t just affect women a lot of men suffer in silence afraid of what others may think. Guys if real men wear pink then even realer men reveal their emotions! Go on let out a cry if you need too and talk to someone about it!

I am using today to raise awareness of men’s suffering. Why should they suffer? What makes them different from women? Well to be honest I can’t personally speak for every man out there and clearly I’m not one but I suspect it comes down to gender stereotyping. Men are expected to be all macho and never reveal their emotions – well perhaps dodgy humour is permitted in some circumstances. However, generally the ‘man of the house’ is to be the bread winner, the one who chairs his household like a godfather. Everyone comes to him with their problems and he has all the answers. Well the truth is men you’re not so dissimilar to us women. We’re ‘expected’ to know the answers (think childcare etc), were suppose to keep the house together (housework).

We shouldn’t conform to any gender stereotyping we should just be who we want to be. Some women are more dominant in their family and the men more care givers. Nothing wrong with this!!!

Men you can cry, laugh and shout out loud. You are allowed to have breakdowns although we’d prefer it that you seek help before that happens. You can feel insecure about your body (by the way the ideal man in most women’s eyes isn’t some 6ft body builder, most of us like a man with the six pack in the fridge). You can feel down in the dumps, stressed etc just talk to someone. Communication is key to getting better. You wouldn’t leave a broken foot unseen so don’t try to stick a plaster over your mind and assume it will heal by itself.

I’m obviously no mental health expert or therapist but I encourage people to just talk to their peers. I can guarantee you are not the only one in your friendship circle to be suffering in silence.

Possible triggers (no particular order):

Marriage / relationship breakdown

Domestic violence

Abuse

Bullying / harassment

Redundancy

Illness

Bereavement

Self esteem / body issues

Change in family (new baby, marriage)

Parents divorcing

Alcohol or something balance abuse

Nothing above is any different for a man or woman to suffer depression it’s just men don’t talk about it.

Us women are great talkers (ok not all of us), we have a natter with our girlies and generally try to put the world to rights over a cuppa tea. Men you tend to kick a ball around or have a pint or two but not generally talk feelings it’s more shop talk (sex, that woman’s boobs, tv, sport etc). Now correct me if I’m wrong but it’s rare that’s I’ve known men to have a heart to heart with the lads about their marriage breakdown, girlfriend troubles, erectile dysfunction, grief etc. You seem to pop those issues on a shelf to gather dust and let it get worse and worse. Why? I would really like for you to reach out to me and explain why. Is it because you are deeply private individuals or is there more to it. Is it more to do with gender stereotyping that men shouldn’t talk about these things? In today’s society I believe men and women are equal to talk about their feelings. It’s natural to talk (some more than others). If the second in line to be king of England can share his feelings with the nation then surely you can open up to your best mate. Even if you don’t want to talk to your wife / girlfriend or partner at least chat to your bestie that’s what friends are for. True friends won’t judge you and probably relate to you more than you think. It’s like that old age phrase ask the question because you can guarantee someone else is thinking the same. There’s also no such thing as a stupid question just one that’s left unanswered.

So men reach out and have a chat with your nearest and dearest (or GP). You’ll not be locked away and thrown in a padded cell for having voices in your head. You can be helped but only if you choose to seek help.

If you’re a man suffering with depression and would like to reach out and share you’re story why not get in contact with me. I could always do with a regular male voice on the blog.

The day provides an opportunity “for all stakeholders working on mental health issues to talk about their work, and what more needs to be done to make mental health care a reality for people worldwide”. This year’s theme set by the World Federation for Mental Health is mental health in the workplace.

The theme for World Mental Health Day 2017 is workplace wellbeing. So whether you’re an individual looking to boost your own wellbeing or an employer seeking advice on supporting your staff, we’ve got a range of ways you can get involved.

Break the silence

Break the silence

Pregnancy and baby loss is often a taboo subject. We want you to help us to break the silence around baby death. This could be by telling a friend about Baby Loss Awareness Week, talking about your experience or wearing a Baby Loss Awareness pin badge.

You could also use our specially designed social media images on your website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, work intranet or noticeboard.

Buy your Pin

Buy your Baby Loss Awareness ribbon pin badge to support families affected by the death of a baby

This Baby Loss Awareness Week we need your support to raise awareness that baby death is a tragic issue that affects thousands in the UK alone every year.

We want as many people as possible to wear the badge during Baby Loss Awareness Week 9-15 October. This will help us to raise awareness of baby loss.

A number of the charities involved in promoting Baby Loss Awareness Week have the awareness pin badge available to buy from their websites. Money raised from sales of the badges will go to the charity you purchase it from, and will be spent on the important work they carry out.

To purchase a pin choose the charity you’d like to buy from here:

Please select charity to buy from
Sands
Aching Arms
ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices)
Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Group B Strep Support
Kicks Count
Life After Loss
The Lullaby Trust
Making Miracles
The Miscarriage Association
Please select charity to buy from

Wear the Pin

Post pictures of you wearing your Baby Loss Awareness pin badge to show your support and help raise awareness one ribbon at a time

To be part of this campaign take a photo wearing your pin badge and post to our Facebook, Twitter or Instagram using the #babylosshashtag.

Break the silence

Pregnancy and baby loss is often a taboo subject. We want you to help us to break the silence around baby death. This could be by telling a friend about Baby Loss Awareness Week, talking about your experience or wearing a Baby Loss Awareness pin badge.

You could also use our specially designed social media images on your website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, work intranet or noticeboard.