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Have you ever talked to a person that would easily believe something negative about a person, yet question every positive thing that they hear? I mean a rumor can come with no evidence and this person will believe it as if it is the gospel, but will make a person prove any positive thing.

Or, have you talked to a person who has something negative to say about EVERYTHING except their own life?

This type of person that I am describing is a person with an envious spirit and a jealous heart. You know one of those people who does not want to see anybody doing well, or you can do well just not a well as them. It is downright sad that envy and jealousy is such a powerful force. If you find it hard to celebrate with a person, pray for a person, or encourage a person, then you are envious. That envy is not going to get you anywhere. Have you ever thought that if you surround yourself around positive people, then some of those positive vibes may filter into your life? I know that we all have our faults, but jealousy is a choice. You can make an earnest effort to be happy for people. You can make a resolve with yourself to stop wishing that negative things happen to people. It is not wise to take pleasure another person’s misery. Just because one person is doing well will not stop you from doing well. There are enough blessings for us all. Some just may come sooner than others.

Also, be careful whose life you wish for because you never know how hard a person is working or struggling to keep that life. Be careful of how you wish for other people’s things because you don’t know the headache associated with having them. Sometimes you just may get what you wish for, and it is nothing like imagined it would be. There is nothing wrong with wanting what is for you, but there is a lot wrong with wanting what is for everyone else. Remove that spirit of envy that you carry and learn to be happy for others because remember that one day you just may want someone to be happy for you.

Life is not a race because regardless of what we have and what we do, all of our finishing points will be exactly the same. These things that we are competing for are only temporary, for we cannot take them with us!!!

One thing that I have always struggled with is forgiveness. I must admit that I always had two struggles with forgiveness. I either didn’t want to forgive, or I didn’t know how to forgive. For years, I toiled with the burden of not forgiving people who had hurt me. I didn’t hold grudges or treat people badly, but I always held a mental note of what the person had done to me. I called this a burden because I was the person who was constantly thinking about the hurt when the person who had done it had probably forgotten about it a long time ago. In addition, to holding a mental note, I also had to constantly remind people of what they did to me or how they hurt me. So here I am bitter and mad because I’m still carrying around someone else’s guilt. I didn’t do the damage so I shouldn’t be carrying around the guilt from it.
Another thing I had to learn was that if you aren’t going to forgive a person who wronged you then you should just leave that person completely alone. This is especially true in relationships. For example, if your significant others wrongs you, then you have two options. You can forgive and stay, or you can not forgive and leave. If you can’t forgive that person, then you cannot properly love the person. Love does not keep record of wrong doing, so how can you love a person if you keep bringing up something that they did to you? You have to make a choice, and if staying is your choice than you can’t bring that hurt with you. Bringing old baggage with you hinders you from loving like you are otherwise capable of loving, and that’s not fair to you or your mate.
Now, if you have been hurt beyond repair and you feel you need to leave, then do that. However, leave that baggage behind too. It is possible to forgive a person and leave them. Forgiveness does not mean you have to rekindle the relationship. Forgive the person so that you can be free. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for YOU!!! A person who hurt you does not have the right to be in your life after his or her time has expired. As long as you don’t forgive, you keep that person in your mind and in your heart, and you can never properly move on. If you want a fresh start, then try forgiving. You’ll thank yourself for it later.
Forgiveness means letting it go. Forgiveness means not bashing a person every chance you get (even though it may feel good doing so), forgiveness means living your life for you, forgiveness means keeping no record of things done to you. Forgiveness means truly leaving the past in the past.
If you find yourself weighed down with hurt from the past, do your SOUL a favor and FORGIVE!!!

Women are notorious for planning out their lives. It starts even as early as childhood. Most girls have a mental image of what their career will be, what their home will look like, how many kids they will have, and even what those kids names will be. How many of you sat in class and wrote what the names of your children will be based on you’re then sweetheart. Don’t do that, you know you did it. This isn’t just idle thinking; these are lifelong plans. The problem is that we have no control over our lives. We are just not the author of that book, so it doesn’t matter how much planning you do.
Most people give themselves a time schedule. For example, one may plan to be working their dream job by 23, married by 24, pregnant by 25, and living in a house built from the ground up by 30. Those timelines are unrealistic for most, and they put you under unnecessary pressure. I think it’s important to set goals, but it’s equally as important to let the author of life have complete control. You don’t get to decide. You’re not good at deciding. If everything I planned for my life happened, I would be in serious trouble. Your best option is to just go with the flow. Stop comparing your life to others. Just because someone seems to be progressing quicker than you does not mean you are lacking. Just continue to pray and go with the flow. You will get where you need to be when its your time. Remember if you get there a moment earlier than God has planned, you won’t be ready for it. You will not receive a blessing from God that you are not equipped to handle.
Ladies, throw those timelines away. You are not a failure. You may have accomplished things late or out of order, but oh well. Dust yourself off and keep going. Even if the baby came before the marriage, repent and keep it moving. You can still be successful. Even if you didn’t go to college right away; who cares? You can go now!!!! Don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t follow your original plan. My original plan was to be the President of the United States!!! Could you imagine me running the free world. I think I make a far better teacher. (Lol!)
Every delay is not a loss. You are a winner. You just have to make the choice to win. Don’t give up on you just because you strayed from the plan.
The mission is still possible.
–Ro

Of all my blogs, this is probably the most heartfelt. I am sure that many people will be able to relate to this, but this is a personal account of my life and my feelings. The motivation for this topic came from a conversation that I had with a former friend whom I have no ill feelings toward. Sometimes life just calls people in different places, and friendships have to sever. I was told recently that I as beginning to think that I was too much. That was the person’s exact words. To clear it up for those who don’t speak crazy that means that I have lost my humility and become arrogant or haughty. When I was told that, it cut me to my very core. Me? RoShawda? Arrogant? Clearly not!!! I felt that I had to defend the notion that I was arrogant and clarify that I was still the same me. My new circumstances, accomplishments, or ambitions have not changed demeanor, for I am still the same fragment of what God wants me to be that I was 20 years ago. I am not better, I just want more, and I think I have that right.

However, the truth is, I have changed. I changed because my circumstances changed. I changed because my prayers changed. I began to see that I came from thought, but I could be something today. I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life being nothing. See, if you are thinking and acting the same way you were years ago then that is a problem…a major problem. Those changes are called growth. Sadly, not everyone will respect, like, or even try to understand your growth. That is their problem; not yours.

I could never be arrogant or prideful because I still remember what it was like to ride to school in a car that you were embarrassed of, to use Crisco cooking oil as lotion, or to use baking soda when you had run out of toothpaste. I thank God for every struggle because it helps me to be appreciative today!!! My mom and dad worked very hard to provide our needs, and I thank God that we survived. So, if you were not with me when I was poverty-stricken and struggling, then you wouldn’t understand my growth. I am constantly changing because I pray and set personal goals for myself, and when I accomplish them, I get no glory God gets all of it. You cannot attempt to understand a person’s growth if you were not in the trenches with them.

When someone tells you that you have changed, take it as a compliment. You should be changing; you should be working diligently to become a better version of you. You don’t have to defend wanting more for yourself or your family. You don’t have to defend having expectations of things and people. You don’t have to defend only associating yourself with certain things and only accepting certain things. You have the right to want to be at the front of the line. God gave you that right (Deut. 28:13). You also have the right to think that you are better than certain circumstances. You just DON’T have the right to think you are better than people.

One of my constant prayers is for God to keep my humble, and I know that I am not better than anyone else. Although, I am crying real tears as I type this blog, I am so happy that I have changed. I am so happy that I can now look back and see how far I have come. I am so grateful that I am not the same person I was three weeks ago; that is called FAVOR. The next time someone tells me I have changed; my reply will simply be “HAVEN’T YOU CHANGED TOO? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD WORK ON THAT!”
–Ro

I think that one of the hardest things in life to do is let go of a bad situation. Letting go is so scary because it requires you to step really far outside of your comfort zone. As long as you hang on to what you are familiar to, you do not have to worry about starting over, learning something new, or becoming acquainted with something all over again. This can go for any walk of life. Sometimes, it is just time to let go. Although holding on may be the most comfortable choice, it may also be the most expensive choice. You are paying for holding on: you are paying with your happiness, your peace of mind, and your mental stability. Is it really worth such a lofty price.

It’s like playing a losing game of tug o’ war, the more you hold on to that rope trying to pull it back to your, the more energy you are wasting and the more physical pain you are causing yourself. You are trying so hard to win the game, but you are not paying attention to the blisters you are creating on hands by tugging on that rope with all your might. It is sad to say, but sometimes you are actually winning when you just let go of the work. You saved some energy and you saved yourself from some unwanted pain.

I hear a lot of people say that they do not let go because they have invested so much time and energy in the situation. For example, people say that they don’t leave relationships because they have put so much into them. However, what does it matter what you put into something if you are not getting anything out? Take all that energy and effort you are putting into a bad situation, and put it into you and your goals. You deserve more than to give you very best effort and it return to your void. Let it go. If you are in a bad situation, letting it go can be one of the healthiest things you can do. You will thank yourself later. You can’t be concerned about what people think or what people will say. There comes a point when you have to make a selfish decision and say, I am doing this for me and NOT anyone else. People may not always understand your decision, but do they have to live with it?

Letting go allows you to see what could be. When your hold on, you are sometimes stopping yourself from accomplishing all you can accomplish. True enough, you may go from one bad situation to another, but at least you will be able to say that you were brave enough to let go of what had you bound and move on to the unknown. The next situation may not always be a better one, but if you are already in a bad situation what do you really have to lose? You will never know what life has for you until you try. Scared people never changed the world. Let go of a bad situation even if it is all you know and see how easily all you know becomes all you KNEW.

I think that it is impossible to be the BEST YOU that you can be if you are holding one to something that is not good for you. Even on a job, you can’t provide your best work if you are a disgruntled employee. Seek to do things that makes you peaceful and happy, and let go of anything that makes you uneasy, sad or angry. This could mean taking a leap of faith and venturing into unknown, unfamiliar territory. You will survive; it won’t be easy, and in the beginning it won’t be comfortable, but it will be WORTH IT.

Anything that is not helping your grow is tearing you down. Even with your hand in a lion’s mouth, it suggest you sacrifice your hand just to save the rest of you. LET IT GO!!!!

Okay, even I have been guilty of the occasional social media rant (thank God for growth), but the truth is that social media not the place for your rants, especially about your relationship. Ranting and venting about your significant other on social media only brings about consequences that are definitely untimely and unwanted. Here are five reason that I think you should not talk negatively about your significant other on social media.

You make yourself look crazy: most of the time when you write negative things about your boyfriend or girlfriend on social media, you do not mean it. You are mad in that moment and you lash out. The problem with lashing out is that most of the time you ARE going to go back to the person that you were venting about which makes you look crazy. When you are no longer mad, you post something positive about that person, and people immediately say you know what he/she is crazy. Isn’t that the same person he/she was just talking about last week? The less you say the less you have to defend. If you had not ranted on social media, you would not have to defend your happiness in the relationship. I always laugh hysterically when I see someone who was just bashing his or her mate talking about how people are always in their business. Come on now!!!!!

People feed off of your misery: It is sad to say, but we live in a world where people take pleasure in the misery of others. When you post that detailed essay about the trouble in paradise, there are people who are readily waiting to gain just a little bit of satisfaction about your issues. Why would you give anyone the satisfaction of being about to get a kick out of the problems that you are dealing with in your life? Stop giving your social media followers a show. Is it really worth it?

People are waiting on your vulnerability: You know how a dog sits below the table while you are eating waiting on you to drop a morsel of food. Well its similar; there is somebody who is waiting for your trouble in paradise so that they can swoop in and wow your significant other. You are on social medial writing about what Jim does and doesn’t do while Angela is using the troubled times to try to vie for Jim’s attention. If you had not vented on social media then the lookers on would not have known that this was a good time to try to date Jim. Even when your relationship is miserable, you should be saying nothing. People can’t stand to have to wonder.

Youleave yourself open for unwanted advice: when your post your issues people begin to think that they can voice their opinions on your situation. I see it all the time. A person writes about their troubles and then gets mad when people off them advice. People would not feel so comfortable talking to you about your situation if you had not put it on the internet FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. How dare you get mad about unwanted advice when you put your own business on the internet? The next time you post something that you are going through, do not get mad when your inbox is flooded with people giving their two cents on the matter.

The last and most important reason is that NOBODY CARES! Most of your social media audience doesn’t care when you are going through things. They are just there to find the latest gossip. I have to admit that sometimes I scroll through my news feed to see who done what with who, and social media never fails me. Let’s be real you are not actually friends with the majority of the people who you are connected to on social media. I have over 1500 Facebook friends and I can honestly count on both of my hands the ones that I actually talk to outside of Facebook. I mean the people who care about what you are going through should be those who you call, text, or see on a regular basis. Why do you have to go to social media?

I was in a public place not very long ago, and I heard a lady say, “they talking about my shoes ugly; people always hating on me!” I instantly looked back at her shoes, and sure enough, I didn’t like her shoes AT ALL! I think it’s funny that we live in a society where anytime a person goes against what we are doing then they are automatically hating on us!!!!! Truth is there is a fine line between someone hating on you, and someone being truthful with you.

I think that a lot of issues in our lives intensify because we are not open to taking constructive criticism. Sometimes we are blinded by our own faults and need an outside person to tell us the truth. That criticism could be coming from a place intended to make us better. It doesn’t mean that the messenger is a “hater” maybe they just care enough to be honest. For example, the other day my mother told me my pants were too little. It offended the heck out of me, but when I looked in the mirror, I had to admit that she was completely right!!! If your loved ones can’t be honest with you, then tell me who can???

Nobody is perfect, and there is always room for improvement. If your bestie or bae offers you no constructive criticism, then he or she is lying to you. A loved one should push you to become the best version of you that you can be even if that means shedding light on some of those harsh truths. The Bible even said that a wise man accepts advice! When you’re criticized, don’t get mad. Don’t reject that criticism; it could be helping you to get to exactly where you need to be. Analyze the source of the criticism and use is as motivation to become better.

True enough some things come from a negative place, but that should even encourage you to keep grinding and accomplishing your goals. Take that criticism that comes from a negative place and use it as an excuse to really be all that you can be. THEN YOU MIGHT REALLY HAVE SOME HATERS!!!!
Bottom line, not every one will like you or what you’re doing and some will speak negatively of you. However, there are those people who care about you and want to see you improve, so they offer feedback and constructive criticism. Even on your best day there is room for improvement. NOT EVERYBODY IS HATING ON YOU!!!

If you aren’t being criticized, then chances are YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING. I’d rather be criticized for my efforts than ignored because I’m not even worth talking about. What about you??

A while ago, I had a friend to vent to be about something her boyfriend was doing that she did not like. She said he did it quite frequently, and that it really bothered her. I immediately asked her what he said when she told him she didn’t like it. She laughed and admitted to me that she had decided not to mention it to him. I told her that she was to blame and not him. You just can’t hold something against someone when you haven’t communicated with them. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MIND!!!

This conversation made me realize that I also ignore things that should be addressed. I wonder why women find it so difficult to fend for themselves in relationships. Shouldn’t it be easy to communicate with a person you’re in love with. Now we can tell you what you should say to your man, but we are quiet as church mice in our own homes.

I think that women are, by nature, quite protective people. We will put you in your place without thought if you have gotten out of line with someone or something we love. Mess with a woman’s mother or her child and find out just how lethal she can be. The peculiar thing to me is that I often notice that we aren’t as protective of ourselves. The same lady who would snap your neck about her child will become totally silent when it comes to defending herself. I find this to be especially true in relationships. A woman will be bothered by something her spouse is doing, and she will just ignore it rather than verbalizing her true feelings on the matter.

The issue with ignoring things that bother you is that those small issues tend to fester. They don’t go away or fix themselves just because you decided to maintain the peace in your relationship by not addressing it. In fact, because you didn’t address it, you gave your significant other the idea that everything was fine. This means that more likely than not he will do whatever it was that bothered you again. After all, you haven’t told him that anything was wrong.

The big issue is that the more you ignore things, the more they pile up. The more they pile up, the more bitterness and resentment you carry inside. Allow me to tell you that resentment is HEAVY. IT WILL WEIGH YOU DOWN! Wouldn’t it just be easier to speak up for yourself and say how you feel? Now I’m not telling you to become a nagging, picking pain in a man’s side, but I am saying speak up for yourself. Express yourself and tell how these things make you feel. Because the truth of the matter is when you do something that he doesn’t like or agree with, HE IS GOING TO LET YOU KNOW, and let’s just face it when he lets you know you’re going to try to adjust because you want to maintain the peace. So, why can’t he adjust for you? Speak up for yourself. Don’t let things build up. Don’t wait until you are too fed up to have a productive conversation. When you have let things go too far and have become angry and belligerent, you are not being heard. In fact, he is not even listening to you. Communication on the front end can help alleviate issues before they become cancerous to your relationship.

Speak up for you. Protect your own peace. Say what you feel. Things will only get worse if you don’t express your feelings. Don’t let that little itch become an unbearable rash.

In case you haven’t already figured it out , allow me to make one thing perfectly clear for you; life is going to happen. Things will occur that you cannot control. Things will happen that you do not know how to fix. Things it will happen that cause you to become disheartened. You will have financial issues, trouble finding suitable employment, issues in your love life! Those issues are just a little drizzle compared to things that are bound to happen when the storms of life really start raging. It so easy to host a pity party and invite all of your closest friends, but the truth of the matter is that no amount of Hennessey and coke or strawberry margaritas is going to solve the source of your dismay.

When we are going through things, we can think of all the ways that our life can be different. We can set goals and TALK about all the changes we are going to make. However, the million dollar question here is WHAT ARE WE REALLY DOING ABOUT IT??? What actions are we taking to fix the issues in our lives; what are we doing make these big dreams we have for our lives come true. Talking sounds good, but allow me to tell you my friend that it is a waste of time if you actions do not match the words you are saying.

I can give you a real life example:

This girl I know (ME) has been a teacher since 2008, and I that time she has received two advanced degrees which qualify her to land careers other than teaching positions. Well, she decided last year that she wanted to come out of the classroom! She made up in her mind that she would rather take on a leadership role. She had a goal set, and she was ready to take on this new job. She even prayed for a job outside the classroom!!! When jobs were posted on different websites, SHE ONLY APPLIED FOR TEACHING JOBS!!! She had done all that “big talk,” but her actions had kept her exactly where she said she did not want to be. Yes, she had the qualifications and the goals in place, but SHE DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO ACCOMPLISH THE GOAL! She allowed fear of rejection to win, and she only applied for jobs she KNEW she would get. Even with the goals set and the prayers, guess where she will be working next year: IN THE CLASSROOM!! Even the good book says faith without work is DEAD!!!

The moral of the story is that I wanted a better job, but I did not do anything about it. So, obviously, I did not want it badly enough!!!

Those of you who want a new job, are in a dead end relationship, want to lose weight, want to manage money better, or have any other change you want to make in your life, stop just setting goals and making plans!!! For every goal you set, for every change you wish to make, ask yourself WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!!!

Setting goals and making plans without taking the necessary actions is like staring into an empty refrigerator waiting on food to appear!!! I can assure you IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
So,

The inspiration for this post came from a conversation that I recently had with a dear friend. She told me that she has an issue dating a man who does not look a certain way. Meaning, that he has to dress a certain way and look a certain way. This friend went on to say that she thinks the “less attractive” men are nicer and more willing to cater to women, but she just wasn’t sure that she could be completely devoted to a man who was not as easy on her eyes as she would like for him to be. It is safe to say that this friend is single, and still waiting on her “eye candy.” Now, having had this conversation, I am wondering how many women agree with the sentiments of my friend. Exactly how many women are missing out on their husbands, soul mates, and God-anointed life partners because he did not have the charisma (swag) that she likes or is accustomed to? Have I been ignoring my husband because I did not like his shoes?? (If I have, Lord send him back!!!)

I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to wake up day and night to Denzel, Idris, or Floyd, but the reality of the situation is that this fantasy is not always real life.

Many women say that they are praying for a husband, but they turn down every man who does not have on expensive shoes and clothes. How do you know that you are not ignoring your husband every single day? How can you be sure that your husband is not that guy that you laughed at or gave the wrong number? I’d be willing to bet that sometimes when we pray for that husband, God shakes his head and says “I sent him to you, but you didn’t like his swag!” Poor women! Please be mindful that your blessing may not always be packaged exactly like you would like for it to. Look at the man’s heart. The most important part is HOW HE TREATS YOU. A million dollar diamond wrapped in a soiled diaper is still more valuable than cubic zirconia wrapped perfectly with a ribbon on top. It is what’s on the inside that matters. Beauty fades, but a kind heart will still be there. Women should long for a man who honors her from head to toe regardless of how he looks or dresses.

Now whatever you do, PLEASE don’t misinterpret me by leaving this post thinking that I wouldn’t prefer a husband that I find physically attractive; however, the older I get the less I am concerned with his outer appearance. Give me a good heart over good looks any day; I can pick his clothes and shoes. LOL.

Bottom line: everyone is entitled to be attracted to what they are attracted to, and the heart wants what the heart wants, but I will leave you with this thought:

A brand new BENZ with a defaulted engine is not going to get you as far as an old beat up FORD with a good engine. IT’S ABOUT WHAT IS INSIDE. WHAT DOES HIS HEART LOOK LIKE????