Story Highlights

I marvel at how life can change in an instant, without warning, and dramatically alter each moment that follows.

There are those events — the birth of each child and grandchild, marriage, the death of a loved one after an extended illness — that result in drastic changes. But they are not the sudden unforeseen events that strike without warning, without giving you a chance to catch your breath.

I recently experienced one of these events and surprised myself with the ease at which I gained acceptance of this altered life. In addition, it reminded me how these experiences can upend you and may forever impact your way of life, your view of the world and your role in it.

Big shocks

The first time I experienced an event that sent shock waves at me was my father’s stroke. I was working for him and attending law school, intending to eventually take over his practice. It was an ideal situation that just fell in my lap — and then just as quickly evaporated.

Upon learning he would never speak and be permanently confined to a wheelchair, the full reality of the shock brought home a whole new future for me. I moved from what felt like a safe, secure and well-defined future to a totally uncertain present and unknown future. I recognized in an instant I was all alone and completely dependent upon myself no matter what happened. It was a scary time in my life.

I suffered an equal shock to my system one Friday afternoon in 1992 when I heard the doctor tell me that I had cancer and was scheduled for immediate surgery at 6:30 a.m. the following Monday. I crashed into a tailspin and failed to regain my equilibrium for some time.

When I caught my breath and planted my feet on the ground with a firm resolve to beat the disease, I vowed to make each moment of my life meaningful. I was bound and determined to be grateful for all those moments in life that I had taken for granted or let pass. That resolve lasted for some time, but like most of my good intentions, it fell by the wayside as day-to-day stresses caught my focus and deterred me from that meaningful path.

Suddenly dependent

Recently I found myself in a spiraling event that quickly moved me from a position of independence to almost complete dependence.

Recognizing the inherent risks involved in surgical procedures, I did not think the most severe consequences would result. And yet when I woke from the anesthesia, I slowly recognized that, yes, the least desirable outcome had in fact happened.

I found myself in a 40-to-50-pound cast from toe to groin, only able to walk about 40 feet slowly in a walker. I will remain bound to bed or chair for 12 weeks, when hopefully I will be fitted with a new knee.

In the meantime, I am dependent on assistance to get me out of and into a bed or chair. I am dependent on assistance for all of my needs. To go from active independence thrust upon me that day of my father’s stroke to around-the-clock assistance was an adjustment for which I was not prepared. And yet finding myself in this position, I am amazed at my ease in acceptance.

I am sure acceptance has come from the generosity of my “village.” My close friends have encircled me. They have provided everything from ice cream, cookies and BLTs to a timely visit and immediate ride to Mayo when the cast had to be replaced without warning. People have dropped everything to assist, and I thank them for their help. In an instant, I moved from self-sufficiency to almost absolute neediness. This time, the shock was absorbed and deflected by those who have gathered to assist, and a drastic change has been muted by kindness.

This is the opinion of Peter Donohue, who has been involved in the arts in Central Minnesota for more than 35 years. His column is published the third Tuesday of the month.