Search

Okay, so, I wrote the following long, whiny, self-pitying post just because I can… but at the end, I came up with something to take my mind off of my ‘despair’ and that was to edit other people’s photos, because I find it to be fun to do. My request to you is, if you have a picture of someone (yourself, your kid, whatever), I’d like to edit it for you. I’ll edit them/it, and post a few on my blog with before/afters. You might love it, or you might hate it, and either way is okay. IF anyone decides to take me up on my offer, just let me know where to find the picture… I’m just going to go randomly copy people’s pictures and edit them, anyway, so why not get in on the action? ^_^ (If you like it, you’re more than welcome to copy/keep/reuse it however you like… I’ve been considering offering this for a small fee at some point in the future, so if you’re curious what I can do, here’s your chance to get it for free)

*******

Some days I just get so angry. I feel completely retarded (Note that I’m using this as a verb, not a noun. Look it up.) by everything and nothing at all. There’s so MANY things I want to do, see, experience, learn… but can’t. Sometimes it’s because of money, sometimes it’s because of time, sometimes it’s because of other people, but some days it always seems that there is nothing I can do to make things better.

I mean, I try. I try very hard to do things to help, to improve my ‘lot in life’ so to speak, but nothing ever seems to work.

Some days, the frustration just takes over, and I’m angry. Impotently angry, but angry nonetheless. I say impotently angry, because nothing I do as a result of my anger works, either.

Some days, like today, I often wonder why I try at all. Why try to be creative, to think out of the box, when it’s never gotten me anywhere? Sure, it all looks great, but not great enough to help me out of my financial bind, not great enough to get me a car, or take me to the places I dream of going to.

When I have the time, I don’t have the money. When I have the money, I don’t have the time. When I have the time AND money, I don’t have means to get there.

Today, I’m just hating my life. There are people out there who have it worse, I know, and right now, I don’t care. Them having it worse than me doesn’t make my situation any better.

Today I’m feeling angry, sad and a little bit lonely, I’m whining, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.

One day I’m happy, the next I’m in despair, although nothing has changed between the two.

Maybe I’m bi-polar? It would explain a lot. But it doesn’t matter if I were ‘clinically diagnosed’ or not. I won’t take a bunch of meds.

I think I just need to get out of the house or something. I don’t have a car, but I could take a walk- except it’s already dark out, and I don’t like walking through neighborhoods in the dark. When I lived in the country, I didn’t mind it, but neighborhoods are creepy, and there are too many potential weirdos out there.