Someone finally made a song about the awesomeness that is Bruce Willis. The music video for Jeep Cherokee's catchy little diddy plays out like a montage of cinematic bad-assery. They even included Striking Distance and The Color of Night. Now that's what I call comprehensive. Check out I'm Bruce Willis after the jump…

With every passing day, it becomes increasingly likely that MGM's no money-induced mo' problems will doom The Hobbit to development hell. Now, at the risk of losing Gandalf the Grey, it's time for MGM to take a lush, sprawling, epic sh*t or get off the high fantasy pot. Sidenote: Led Zeppelin would not be half as successful without high fantasy pot.Sir Ian McKellan sat down with New Zealand's Good Morning show to discuss how he may be out this bitch:"Well, I&rsquo;m not under contract and my time is running out and I&rsquo;m enjoying working in the theater and frankly, I would like to race after doing 'Waiting For Godot,' get on with doing another play but we&rsquo;ll have to see. I don&rsquo;t give the producers the impression that I&rsquo;m sitting waiting." Yikes. Looks like a decision needs to be made sooner than later. There's plenty of septugenarians willing to wear a robe and yell incoherent words. But Sir Ian McKellan is the one least likely to bite the 1st Assistant Director. (via Bleeding Cool)CHECK OUT SIR IAN'S INTERVIEW AFTER THE JUMP IN CASE YOU DON'T TAKE MY WORD AT FACE VALUE. IF THAT'S SO, WE NEED TO WORK ON US…

Warner Bros. released the teaser poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and it's grim as all get out. With the tag "It All Ends Here" looming above a flaming Hogwarts, someone in marketing must have desired tears from avid Potter fans. If you look really closely you can even see Harry screaming for his life in the far right tower window. Look closer. Clooooser.Haha. You dummy. When will you learn not to trust me?

With Sony finally naming Andrew Garfield as the heir to the Spider-Man throne, it was shaping up to be a good week for movie reporting. Not because I'm excited by his work. I don't even know it. I'm just excited that someone finally made a decision, and we can sail into the holiday weekend without further annoyances. But now it looks like Scream 4 is going to fill the void left by Sony's sudden on-set of decisiveness. Zap2It has news that the Scream 4 soup has been pissed in.It's being reported that series creator Kevin Williamson has been released from the project and series detractor Ehren Kruger has been brought on to rework the script. Now castmembers are jumping off left and right as the script is said to have been immensely "dumbed down." As a huge fan of the first two films and a guy who wants to punch the third film in the stomach, I really hope these reports aren't true. And if they are, I hope Kruger is able to redeem himself after the way he mishandled the conclusion to the original trilogy. Bring your A game, Ehren, like you did on The Ring. David Arquette deserves at least that much.

Will.i.am is saying things. Namely, that James Cameron is writing and directing a 3D concert film for his group The Black Eyed Peas. Well, this is obviously the truth. Cameron is well known for his laidback attitude and enjoyment of jokes and good times all around, so OF COURSE he'd force Fergie's humps upon us in three dimensions.Sure, it sounds like a project far more suited for McG but keep in mind James Cameron is on the rebound. He was recently shot down by BP, only to have them run off with Kevin Costner. Rejection does funny things to a man. Like, make them flush away all credibility by teaming up with the Nickelback of hip-hop. Or sleep with a homeless woman during a bender. What's most important is that nobody is being judged here. (Vibe)

Scream 4's mission to make me take my pants off in a movie theater continues. Previous casting choices have included Hayden Panettiere, Marley Shelton, and Marielle Jaffe. Not to mention the near miss with Ashley Greene. Just this morning, "Mad Men" and "Community" actress Alison Brie has signed on to play the assistant to Neve Campbell's Sidney, who is described as both ambitious and jealous of her boss's fame.It's also likely she'll appear in a risque Entertainment Weekly photospread with her female co-stars, beneath the heading "Scream Queens." No word yet on if any of the girls will be kissing a little bit. (The Wrap)

Yesterday, fairly unknown British actor Andrew Garfield was awarded the coveted role of Peter Parker in the Spider-Man reboot. You can "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" right here. Sony made the official announcement at a press event in Cancun, Mexico for international journalists attending a media tour promoting upcoming films from Sony Pictures Entertainment. Personally, I feel Garfield is more suited to play Ichabod Crane or bass in Coldplay than Spider-man, but what do I know. I don't run a studio and sleep on 2,000 thread count sheets. Yet…Check out pics and video from the event below.

GUN!!!!!!The best thing about the Twilight buzz machine is when Kristen Stewart sits down for an unsupervised interview, while her publicist fills her purse in the hospitality suite. The girl puts her foot in her mouth at the craziest of angles so consistently that I've felt we need a new section called Dumb Things Kristen Stewart Says. Actually, she goes off the PR rails so often we could dedicate our entire site to it. And then a book deal. And then a sitcom. I'm digressing. The latest diarrhea to dribble out of Kristen's opinion-hole paints her adoring fans as crazed lunatics (something we've been in the business of doing for awhile now). From Hello! magazine:"I don't feel very comfortable on the red carpet. Sometimes I get really excited for what I'm going to and then try to take good pictures and go inside… I literally have to keep myself from crying sometimes. I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me. No security could protect me. Ostensibly they're fans, but I think about them turning on me."Relax, Kristen. If you ever feel unsafe in a crowd of Twihards, just mumble for help. If that fails, run in the opposite direction. It's likely they'll lose their breath before making it to that Jamba Juice over there by that green car. (via CinemaBlend)

Trent just loves FarmVille.Trent Reznor and David Fincher are now friends.At least we assume they are, now that we know the Nine Inch Nails' front man has scored the soundtrack to Fincher's upcoming Facebook docudrama, The Social Network. Hell, at this point, we wouldn't be suprised if they were poking.Reznor, whose music was also featured in the soundtrack for Fincher's Se7en, is a big fan of the director. And like many of his fans, he was confused as to why Fincher would choose to make a film about Facebook. However, after being involved with the project, he seems happy with the end result."I've always loved David's work but quite honestly I wondered what would draw him to tell that story," said Reznor before quickly explaining, "It's really f*cking good!"Reznor's involvement in the film is somewhat ironic, given the fact that he made headlines in 2009 (online headlines, not the real kind) for publicly pledging to tune out from online social networks."I will be tuning out of the social networking sites because at the end of the day it&rsquo;s now doing more harm than good in the bigger picture and the experiment seems to have yielded a result. Idiots rule." (Empire Online)

Andew Garfield has been officially for real seriously chosen as the new Spider-man/Peter Parker in the reboot to be directed by Mark Webb. We've reported all kinds of rumors and hearsay, but the studio made the official announcement today at a press event in Cancun, Mexico for international journalists attending a media tour promoting upcoming films from Sony Pictures Entertainment.On selecting Garfield, director Marc Webb said, &ldquo;Though his name may be new to many, those who know this young actor&rsquo;s work understand his extraordinary talents. He has a rare combination of intelligence, wit, and humanity. Mark my words, you will love Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker.&rdquo;Words marked, Mark Webb. Garfield is starring in the upcoming David Fincher film The Social Network and Mark Romanek's next, Never Let Me Go opposite Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan. He seems to be partial to directors who made a name for themselves in the music video and commercial world before transitioning into features.Okay, so we can all stop worrying about the new Spider-man now. It's Andrew Garfield. They start shooting in December. And don't you DARE start asking about Mary Jane yet. I will lose my sh*t.

DiCaprio pondering Inception's plot points.Just this morning I was halfway through explaining Inception's plot to someone when it occurred to me that I had no idea what I was talking about. So, naturally I just kind of trailed off and quickly escaped into the flatbed of a passing truck. Looks like I'm not the only one confused:For the Inception cast, the intricate screenplay Mr. Nolan wrote was tantalizing but occasionally perplexing. &ldquo;It was a very well written, comprehensive script,&rdquo; Mr. DiCaprio said, &ldquo;but you really had to have Chris in person, to try to articulate some of the things that have been swirling around his head for the last eight years.&rdquo;That's disheartening considering it's unlikely Nolan will provide a Q&A after each screening. He could at least print his number on each ticket stub so we could call him at random hours to request some kind of closure. According to Peter Travers, we'll love it as long as we're not stupid. So yeah, it's pretty much the anti-Transformers. (NY Times via Vulture)

This is why I don't do laundry anymore. Back in 2009, Warner Bros. hired screenwriter Dave Kajganich to tackle a big screen adaptation of Stephen King's novel It. I've never read the 1,104 page book because come on, it's over 1,000 pages, but the 1990 mini-series scared the living crap out of me when I was younger. It ruined so many things for me, including chinese food, sewers, old ladies, Jonathan Brandis, and sewers. In fact, Googling images of Pennywise the Clown just now triggered my post traumatic stress disorder and my bladder.Dave Kajganich spoke recently to the Stephen King fansite Lilja's Library, and told them how he's working on damaging our psyches with a killer clown again:I told the studio from the beginning that I felt I needed to be able to write for an R rating, since I wanted to be as candid as the novel about the terrible things the characters go through as kids. They agreed and off I went. &hellip; I think the biggest difference [between the big screen adaptation and the miniseries] is that we&rsquo;re working with about two-thirds the onscreen time they had for the miniseries. That sounds dire, I know, but it doesn&rsquo;t necessarily mean two-thirds the amount of story. I&rsquo;m finding as many ways as I can to make certain scenes redundant by deepening and doubling others.I can't image how he'll take over 1,000 pages of source material and cram it into a two-hour film. Obviously a lot will be cut, but will all the crucial elements hold together is the question. Also, Tim Curry delivers such a fantastic performance in the original mini-series it's going to be hard finding someone who can top it. But the bigger question here is, what's up with Richard Thomas's mole these days?Yep, still enormous.

Hot teen vampire worlds are about to collide. Twilight's Nikki Reed will be joined by "True Blood's" blood-teary eyed Deborah Ann Woll in Aaron Harvey's Catch .44. The fanged duo will join Malin Akerman to form a trio of gorgeous assassins who's next mission may be their last when they're pitted between Bruce Willis's crime boss and Forest Whitaker's psychotic hitman. Something tells me he's not a sharp-shooter. Just sayin'.File photo: F. WhitakerHonestly though, why are hot girls always playing assassins in movies? In my experience the prettier the girl, the more likely they are to find some desperate nerd to garrote their marks. Or help them move. It depends on whether or not you were raised in Detroit. (Deadline)

The Last AirbenderPG, 95min., 2010Cast: Dev Patel, Noah Ringer, Jackson Rathbone, Aasif Mandi, Nicola Peltz, and Cliff CurtisDirected by M. Night ShyamalanScreenplay M. Night Shyamalan based upon the Nickelodeon Animated series &ldquo;Avatar: The Last Airbender&rdquo;The Last Airbender is a good looking and expensive summer movie that is brought down to miserable lows due to shoddy storytelling, hollow Nickelodeon-type acting, and the ever-annoying 3D transfer.To describe this story would take an entire 3,000-word review involving alternative universes with eastern religious symbols and age-old rivalries. For those that know the Nickelodeon show, they probability know the backstory and all the little pieces about wind, water, fire, and earth put together, for those like myself, we are given the age old hero's quest to finding himself story.MORE AFTER THE JUMP…

Madame Tussauds revealed the fake Kim Kardashian to the fake Kim Kardashian. It's extremely difficult to differentiate between the two. The one with a pulse has boobs that hang more naturally (even though they're not natural). It would make more sense to spin both girls around and compare asses. If Madame Tussauds mastered Kim's badunkadunk then I'd give my seal of approval. What do you guys think? Would you defile the wax one?More pics of fake Kim and Kim after the jump…

Some new faces have joined the list of characters who may be the recipients or deliverers of stabbings in Scream 4. Adam Brody and Eric Knudson have joined the cast as a cop obsessed with "CSI" and an teenaged expert on horror cliches, much like Jamie Kennedy's character from the earlier films.These additions come with a few subtractions. Lauren Graham and Lake Bell have both left the production. Marley Shelton is stepping into the cop role vacated by Bell. Bell tweeted earlier in the week that she's sad to leave due to schedule conflicts, and that she knows the identity of the killer. I say we hold her down until she tells us. Or just hold her down in general. I nominate me for the job. (THR)

Uncanny.Everybody raise the roof! Meryl Streep is in talks to play former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. What what! The brilliant actress who has the Academy Awards on lockdown would reteam with her Mamma Mia! director Phyllida Lloyd for Iron Lady. THR, would you be so kind as to inform us of the details whilst I finish my biscuit?The film is set in 1982 and tracks Thatcher as she tries to save her career in the 17 days preceding the 1982 Falklands War. The 2 1/2-month war was a turning point for the prime minister, who, after the victory, saw her approval ratings double and went on to win a second term.The prose and the biscuit were absolutely scrumptious. Jim Broadbent is also in talks to play Thatcher's husband, Denis. If the deal for Streep goes through without any fuss, it will be the highest-profile character she's portrayed yet. Forget the cold showers of Silkwood and butter-soaked dishes of Julie & Julia. Meryl will have to go head-to-head with Parliament, and I can attest that things get rather unpolite in there. British unpolite, not American unpolite. So basically everyone is very polite.

Everyone loves a dead hooker. Everyone loves a live hooker for that matter. &ldquo;Makin money the hard way&rdquo; is one of the mankind&rsquo;s oldest professions. And though it&rsquo;s not necessarily something you hope for your children to aspire to, it&rsquo;s always been a relevant topic in societal discussion.With Love Ranch opening this week, it seems only appropriate that we take a look at a few memorable Hollywood hookers who never fail to get us off:Vivian Ward – Pretty Woman

Chloe Moretz is back as another bloodthirsty tween in this teaser for Matt Reeves' Let The Right One In remake, Let Me In. Kodi Smit-McPhee stars as a bullied boy who befriends his new neighbor, a vampire child who keeps busy by eating members of the community. That's definitely a dick move, but not as bad as my neighbor who keeps stealing my parking space. That jerk deserves to be staked. LOOKS PRETTY SOLID TO ME. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP AND LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK…

Like everyone else in America, I've always had to endure the boastful claims of the state of Texas. From the "Don't Mess with Texas" slogan to awful Dallas Cowboys fans to the "Steers and Queers" line in Full Metal Jacket, Texans always seem to walk around like their poo-poos don't stink. Well guess what, Tex; you're not so tough after all! Cinemark has pulled the trailer for Paramount's "Paranormal Activity 2" from several theaters in Texas after receiving numerous complaints that the promo was "too" frightening. Well look at the scared little state of Texas pissing itself in the corner over a cheesy horror movie trailer. Pathetic. Why don't you run home to your "Friday Night Lights" and your "Austin City Limits," ya pansies! (Variety)

I'll take a one-way ticket to Bangkok, please.Ferris Bueller always said Principal Rooney was a bad guy. Turns out, he was right.Actor Jeffrey Jones, best known for his roll as Principal Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, was arrested (again) for failing to register as a sex offender (again). Jones' sex-offender status stems from an incident in 2003 where the actor was caught with child pornography. He also paid a then 14-year-old boy, Cameron Frye, to pose for pornographic pictures.What makes this case so galling is that it all could have been avoided if Jones would have had enough consideration to explore his dark urges in Thailand, like a decent human being. For shame, Jeffrey. For shame.Now, please enjoy these out-of-context quotes from Jones' character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which are much funnier now that he's a known sex offender. (Cinema Blend)See the quotes after the jump.

Hey Jeffrey Jones, I know you are, but what am I! Pee-Wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) has at least one last big adventure left in him now that director Judd Apatow has announced he will produce the character's return to the big screen. The news comes nearly 20 years after an unfortunate incident involving a porno theater and his own wiener left Reubens a Hollywood pariah, all but killing the Pee-Wee character. Luckily for Reubens, society has finally devolved to the point where wanking off in a seedy porno theater no longer precludes one from being a children's entertainer. "Let's face it," says Apatow, "the world needs more Pee-Wee Herman. I am so excited to be working with Paul Reubens, who is an extraordinary and ground-breaking actor and writer. It's so great to watch him return with such relevance." I agree. We need more Pee-Wee. But relevance? I'm not sure feeding off of pathetic Gen-X nostalgia counts as relevance. Unless, of course, making boatloads of cash is the same as being relevant, in which case Pee-Wee is about to become one relevant mofo. (Empire Online)

C'mon, guys. The smoke bothers his eye.Hugo Cabret, or the movie formerly known as The Invention of Hugo Cabret, has begin filming, with Martin Scorsese stationed behind a 3D camera shout-stuttering, "I-I-I wantit in my face more!" Two more actors have signed on to put it in Scorese's face. Jude Law and Ray Winstone join the already cast Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Kingsley, Asa Butterfield, and Chloe Moretz.Christopher Lee, Helen McCrory, Frances de la Toru, and Richard Griffiths have also jumped into Hugo's sandbox. The film tells the tale of an orphan boy living a secret life in the walls of a Paris train station. He finds a broken machine and gets caught up in a magical adventure. No drugs or execution-style hits are involved, and Joe Pesci won't force himself on any women. (/Film)

A Spider-Man is born.Marc Webb and Sony have finally selected a young actor to play Peter Parker from their list of young actors not quite right for the role of Peter Parker. According to a source at Blue Sky Disney Blog, Josh Hutcherson has been offered the role in Sony's Spider-Man reboot and he has accepted. Casting has been in the works for some time and after extensive test shoots, Hutcherson has come out on top. Bear in mind that there hasn't been an official press release from the studio at this time. So if this turns out to be wrong, pick a fight with Disney's army of lawyers.Apologies to Jamie Bell, Andrew Garfield, Frank Dillane, Logan Lerman, Alden Ehrenreich, and Anton Yelchin. You guys played a good game out there, but you still lost. No victory Baskin Robbins visit for you.

They're in Miami, bitch. The east coast was cold, making it impossible to cop a sweet tan, so MTV crated up the cast of "Jersey Shore" and shipped them to Miami for Season 2 of the decline of totally juiced western civilization. As you can probably guess, there's more drinking, scratching, narcissim, and unintelligible negative comments toward ego-threatening houseguests, all with a built in fish out of water hook. Cocaine sales in South Beach are about to skyrocket. Check out the teaser after the jump…