Why Boredom is Good for Your Child

Next time you hear “I’m bored!”, don’t be too quick to entertain your kids—boredom has its benefits. Learn why boredom is good for your child in many ways.

We hear it a zillion times: “I’m bored.” And when we do, we’re compelled to engage with our kids. That’s whether we work outside the home (I hardly see them enough!), or stay at home (Isn’t this why I left work to begin with?). But guess what: boredom is good for your child.

I get it though, it’s hard not feel obligated to entertain our kids and save them from their boredom. This, despite the toys, books and opportunities for them to play. But first, why do our kids get bored?

Why kids get bored

Too much structured time. Organized sports, classes and activities aren’t bad, but not having free time can make kids bored. That’s right—too many things to do can lead to boredom. With a packed schedule, kids rely on the events that fill their day for entertainment. So when they’re left with a block of time, they feel bored compared to their usual busy lives. (Read more about the downsides of over-scheduling your kids.)

Too many toys, books and gadgets. Yup—plopping your child in the middle of too many items can lead her not to have fun but to feel bored. Psychologist Barry Schwartz has said in his book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less (affiliate link), that too many options can paralyze us into inaction. We mull over what we passed up, analyze our decisions and feel dissatisfied with what we chose. Over-stimulation can drive a child to feel distanced and unfocused.

Too much screen time. My kids don’t too much television, and I’m glad for it. Television isn’t the evil of the world, but a habit in front of the screen (and smart phones and iPads) makes kids rely on them for entertainment.

Not enough attention. When my child says he’s bored, sometimes it’s not because he’s out of ideas, but he’s craving my company. If you hear your child say he’s bored, it might not be because he’s looking for something to do, but rather his way of saying he wants to spend time with you.

Boredom is good for your child in many ways

It’s normal to feel bored, and even more so to feel uncomfortable with boredom. No one likes twiddling their thumbs, waiting instead of doing, or feeling like time is one big void. Still, boredom is good for your child. Here’s why:

1. Kids learn to wait

One of the biggest reasons kids need to feel bored is they develop the ability to tolerate boredom.

2. Kids get creative

I’ve heard a stereotype that the youngest child in the family is the most creative. Why? While her parents may have fawned over her older siblings, she instead was left alone. There’s not enough attention to go around when you have five kids instead of one.

And when you’re the youngest, your parents are done hovering. They assume you’ll figure things out on your own, and realize that it’s okay for you to play independently.

In short, you had to deal with your boredom. And that’s fantastic news for you and your creativity.

As the youngest in my family, I can remember the many times I played by myself out in the yard or in my bedroom. I still sought other people’s company, but I also entertained myself. (If I plant this pencil in the ground, will it grow into a giant pencil just like how seeds grow into trees?) I played with open-ended toys and tools like pastels, charcoals and crayons.

The bored child will learn to tinker with the toys he has. He’ll find a new game to play, or immerse himself in a project or problem he otherwise wouldn’t have had a chance to.

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3. Kids turn inward for internal sources of joy

A friend of mine had to care for two kids separately. One child can entertain himself with a handful of toy soldiers and a box of crayons and paper. The other child—given the same items—scoffed and laughed. He defined entertainment as amusement parks, movies or outings. Not a box of crayons.

And it’s unfortunate. The more jam-packed their entertainment, the more kids will rely on grand things to meet their needs.

Boredom forces your child to enjoy simple pleasures and requires him to turn inward to find joy. Television and high entertainment turn kids into passive recipients instead of creators or givers.

Kids given the opportunity to feel bored create a solution to that problem, even if it means finding joy in a game of plastic toy soldiers.

Give your child with open-ended toys, or easy-to-reach bins filled with activities and books. Involve him with your tasks around the house, and pay him attention when he seem to need it.

But be their guide, not their problem solver. Provide the channels to avoid boredom, but don’t rescue them. They’ll be happier with simple pleasures instead of the latest gadgets and entertainment.

4. Kids try new things

My husband remembered how he got started playing guitar as a child. “Someone had given me a guitar,” he began, “but it just sat there for the longest time. Then, one day out of boredom, I picked it up. And that’s how I realized how much I liked playing guitar.”

Boredom can be so uncomfortable that it pushes us to try new things. Things we would otherwise overlook amid schedules and screen time. Things that seem better than nothing, until we realize how much we love it.

And even if we don’t, we would have at least tried something new. That says something, right?

The same is true for our kids. Desperate to escape nothingness, they’ll try anything, resume an old project, or rekindle an interest in an old toy.

5. Your kids socialize with one another

My husband and I take our kids out on outings, particularly on weekends. We’ll go to the farmers market, a family party, or a museum. And when we do—when we provide entertainment—our kids don’t interact.

On the other hand, boredom encourages your child to play with others. Without distractions, my one-year-olds will sit and play in the same area. Meanwhile, my four-year-old will toss balloons at them and pinch their cheeks. They’ll make faces and laugh at one another.

When we’re out and about, kids are more interested with what’s going on around them. This is totally fine because I still want my kids to experience new outings and not be housebound. But to do this all the time means they wouldn’t play their silly games with one another when they’re bored at home.

Bored siblings are more likely to play with one another than tune each other out.

6. Kids won’t feel burned out

I have this rule that if we have plans for the day, we can’t squeeze in other plans for the same day. Instead, we relax the remaining hours of the day, whether it’s staying home, walking to the park or running our usual errands. The ordinary moments.

As simple as these activities may be, they also prevent my kids from burning out with too many to do. Thankfully, I don’t worry if they feel bored. I’d rather lessen their outings so they can find something entertaining to do on their own.

Boredom makes sure kids don’t feel burned out all the time and can enjoy the ordinary moments.

Things kids can do when they’re bored

It can seem unfair to leave our kids hanging when they’re bored. You shouldn’t “save” them from boredom, but you can give them opportunities to cope with it. Below are a few things kids can do when they’re bored:

Turn on the radio and dance to the music.

Play with old toys.

Dress up in pretend clothes.

Do a jigsaw puzzle or other brain teaser game.

Play with play dough.

Make a macaroni necklace.

Go for a walk.

Play with wooden blocks.

Cook with you.

Read books.

Create items from arts and crafts.

Draw on a chalkboard or dry eraser board.

Conclusion

We expect to entertain our kids, placing that responsibility on ourselves. We hover over our babies even when they’re already over-stimulated, and scramble to fill our kids’ days with back-to-back activities. We’re compelled to entertain them 24/7 even though they can play independently.

None of us actually like boredom. It leads to listlessness and lack of motivation. It’s not pleasant.

But that’s the point: We can’t always save our kids from life’s duller moments. Doing so doesn’t allow them to develop the skills to overcome boredom.

So the next time your kids say “I’m bored,” think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Comments

I think boredom is definitely a good thing! My mom used to tell us that only boring people got bored…lol I used to resent that. But with four sisters, it was always the youngest getting the most attention. The eldest (myself included) had to feign for ourselves. Not to mention my parents didn’t believe in having more than 1 t.v. in the house OR toys, leaving us to make up games, go outside and do wild things. Childhood is so different these days with all the gadgets and information overload..wow I sound old. But seriously, my friend was telling me about her son and how she gets mobile alerts when he turns in homework, takes a test, is late to class…WTH! It’s too much..way too much info I don’t want!

My childhood sounds like yours. I still watched TV but I think we only had one. And we had toys, but definitely more the type that you’d play pretend with. And there was definitely a lot of running around!

You know, the other day Mushroom had been left to his own devices for a while (he’s an only child so I try not to crowd him with attention so he learns to be independent) when he started to cry for no apparent reason. He claimed he wasn’t tired so I asked if he was bored. His response? ‘What’s bored?’ He has no concept of it at all. It will be interesting to see how that pans out as he gets older.

I love this positive take on boredom, and I completely agree that it can lead to a multitude of positive things for our children. I also really love your point about children needing your attention. I can imagine that sometimes kids use the word “bored” because they’re not sure how best to label the feeling of craving parental attention.

That was a big eye opener for me too Katie. I would get irritated if my son claimed he was bored, but when I read that it could be his need for my attention, I lightened up. He was simply saying he wants to spend time with me.

If I could, I’d raise my first over again ;). We definitely doted over him and just plain ran out of things to put in front of him to entertain him. Nevertheless, around 2 years old, he’s been able to play by himself briefly. When he’s outside, he can definitely entertain himself. My baby, on the other hand, is basically left to her own devices. Poor kid, or should I say well-adjusted, hehe. She basically plays by herself because we are busy playing tag or cars with our older one! And even if he’s not around, she explores her playroom by herself. Buuut, I can see those two entertaining one another when the baby grows older.

Isn’t it crazy how different it with two kids? Your first gets doted on, then the subsequent ones totally have to fend for themselves lol. In my case though, I actually made sure that my eldest had time to himself because I knew I didn’t want him to rely on me to entertain him. Now with the twins, they all by default have to find ways to entertain themselves 🙂

That’s great your two kids get along. I think the same will happen with mine. That’s actually one of my biggest goals: to have my kids get along well into adulthood.

I LOVE this post. I read it when it was first published, but am only now making time to come comment. I think boredom is one of the greatest gifts parents can give children, because I think we often make our greatest discoveries about who we are and what we love only when we are bored.

Thanks MaryAnne 🙂 You and I are on the same wave length on many things!

Yes, they say the loss of leisure is a downfall because we don’t get struck with ideas and inspiration. I know this is totally how I work. I usually need to sort of zone out and let the thoughts collect in my mind. I can’t imagine doing that if I was too harried.

So many great points.
We definitely are big on letting our kids entertain themselves. Our oldest didn’t see a kid TV show until almost 2 years old. I remember a coworker asking me for our oldest’s 1 year old birthday what character cake we were doing. I said that it was going to be plain with a 1 on it. She was dumbfounded. She kept asking “But what is her favorite cartoon? Dora? Elmo?” I was like… “Umm she is turning 1!” lol

I watched two other kids during this past school year. You could totally tell that at home they are constantly entertained. It took 2 weeks before the 2 year old realized I wasn’t going to turn on the TV for him and that he would have to interact with the other kids or play with toys. And the littest one finally started to crawl at 10 months because her mom never put her down. She didn’t even pick up a toy to look at it or put it in her mouth. It’s like she didn’t know what to do with it!

And how true about outings. Packing too many things in one day is a complete recipe for disaster at our house. I think that is something people without kids don’t realize – over-scheduling with kids is something that just makes you wish you had stayed home and done absolutely nothing. It just isn’t worth the crankiness and tired whining.

Oh Vanessa, I had the SAME experience with the TV and the characters. This one time at the park, a dad asked me what my son was into. I said, “Right now he’s into puzzles and play dough.” And he said, “Oh cool. Mine is into Diego” or some other character I forget now. I almost wondered if we were doing our son a disservice because he didn’t know what was “hip” with the TV shows.

Thankfully that never posed a problem. Now that he’s in school, he comes home talking about characters because of what he learns from his friends, but so far it doesn’t seem like he is isolated or feels weird because he doesn’t know who they are. He also hasn’t expressed any interest or demands in watching these characters just because his friends do.

I remember you mentioned those kids you babysit. It seems like it is doing them some good being in your care! I’m sure it’s a change from their norm, and it’s great they’re able to interact with other kids instead of just being entertained.

This is spot on. Completely agree. So many parents are quick to jump in and offer to entertain or bombard kids with toys and games. This is such an important point to stress for parents…let your kids be bored sometimes. I don’t have too much structured time for my kids and I think that’ s a big part of it so there is time for them to be bored and find ways to deal with that feeling. The benefits you listed here are only going to help children as they get older. Excellent post.

Thanks so much, Sarah! I’ve heard nothing but good things about kids being bored (most recent read, not necessarily about kids but focus: Deep Work by Cal Newport). We can’t save them all the time from boredom, and it’s important they know that feeling and how to cope with it.

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