Monday, August 11, 2014

AVA - Epilogue

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I have been inundated both in game and out with requests from various individuals who have insisted in an unhealthy, rather troubling, voyeuristic manner that I provide a follow up on the situation I described in an earlier communication.

Specifically, that whole public proclamation of my undying love for Ava Starfire.

I get it, people are intrigued by the age old question.
Did the cholo get the girl?

All I can say at this time is that the chess match continues.

But really, those are private matters between me and my paramour.
I say paramour my dear AVA not because you are committing an indiscretion, but rather because my "divorce is pending" and I am technically still attached to another. My 5th marriage should be history shortly. HONEST.

As I was saying, this stuff is private.

The last thing I wanted was to turn my secret longings for this damsel into a public spectacle.

Some of you have requested that I provide more lurid details of my romantic quest.

That will not happen.

I am a gentleman.

In fact, I was going to move forward without further comment, until I was confronted with yet another problem stemming from my very public proclamation of love for that space siren.

Apparently due to my careless indiscretion, events have been set in motion that now force my hand, and now time is of the essence and I must move quickly and resolutely, to claim my prize.

Let me briefly explain.

I was holed up in one of my secret itinerant enclaves in Molden Heath,(I never sleep in the same place twice) enjoying some bootleg libations, puffing on hallucinogenic tobacco products, barbecuing Pig Clone "tripas" (The choice cuts from the New East Los Angeles village #2 in TENAL), and chatting with one of my henchman, "Tranquilino Fregado", when he shocked me with an unexpected inquiry.

(tripas ready for the grill...que ricas!)

"Jefe", he said to me while chewing the rubbery tripas loudly, "I thought friends were supposed to treat you with respect and help you find happiness?"

He had a smirk on his face.

I spit out a mouthful of pig guts and looked at Tranqui.

I was stunned by his penetrating question, so full of insight and prescience, and coming from one who I had always discounted as a mere automaton subservient who could be replaced at a moments notice.

I paused for a moment, trying to compose myself and wracking my brain in an effort to discern what it might have been that caused him to say what he did.

This "menso" was usually as dense as a GREAT WILDLANDS Rockfish.

His out of character comment also prompted me to make a mental note to keep an eye on him as his unexpected savvy might require that he turn up missing someday.

Probably later today.

I NEVER want my "MUSCLE" to be too cerebral.

"What is troubling you Tranqui and how do you know I am not getting respect or that I am not happy?"

I puffed vigorously on my blunt and waited for an answer.

"Well patron, I heard you telling that diseased hooker Cuca that the pinche cabron Miura Bull was trying to steal your girlfriend. You know that AVA ruca! She is muy buena Patron! TIENE TREMENDO CULO like PitBull sings in that oldies cancion. Muy caliente! You get all the best viejas jefe!"

He caught himself, sensing that he was being too effusively enthusiastic in his praise of the lovely AVA.

"You want me to take an extermination team out and take that desgraciado Bull out?" He looked at me with eager imploring eyes.

He was known as a particularily brutal killer who relished making his victims squeal.

"Tranqui", I whispered, "first of all, Da Bull will kill you, but what I really want to know is if you have ever taken any action on your own without me knowing about it?"

"NO, jefe, nunca! Me and Felix were loading some supplies in the hangar and just happened to hear you talking to CUCA through the air vent. Also, we read some stuff on your communicator device that was written by that vato BULL. I think that dude wants to beat your time with AVA ese!"

Yes, this dolt had seen his last sunrise indeed!

I made eye contact with my lead man and "troubleshooter", Celestino Matanza, and nodded almost imperceptibly at Tranquilino.

The order had been given.
The busybody Tranquilino was finished.

But first, I had to glean more information and insight from this loquacious lackey.

"What do you suggest I do about AVA, Tranqui?"

I was not patronizing the dunce. I really was curious to hear his advice.

He leaned into me, his breath reeking of rancid ceviche and whispered, "Just take the woman Jefe! When you want the money you just take the money! When you want the food you just take the food! If you want the woman you just take the woman! Just take the woman Jefe!!"

"You are an idiot Tranqui!", I screamed. I could feel my face turn red.

"Have you been watching THE THREE AMIGOS again!"

I was beginning to regret questioning this imbecile further.

"Estupido! Don't you realize that you cannot force open the petals of a flower! When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you! Now get back to work vavoso and get out of my sight!"

I exhaled loudly.

These idiots were trying my patience.

Feeling suddenly famished, I made my way to the serving table.

Our last raiding party had been very lucrative.

The bounty on display on the table was ready testament to that fact.

The best part was that we took this loot and provisions from under the very noses of KAEDA MAXWELL's Crimson Reach cronys!

You ain't as smart as you think KAEDA!!

I grabbed an ice cold gallente beer, spooned a heaping portion of GALLINA MOLE estilo Amamake onto my plate, palmed a pack of synthetic menthol cigarrettes and made my way slowly to the temporary quarters I maintained on site.

She stirred and looked at me.
I motioned for her to get out.
She knew better than to question me!
She grabbed the coins on the nightstand and scurried out without bothering to put her clothes on.

I had a problem for sure and it wasn't CUCA's recent positive STD test results.

A group of poseurs, no doubt emboldened by my intrepid pronunciations of love, had suddenly come out of the woodwork, and they had likewise publicly confessed to being emotionally drawn to the bewitching AVA STARFIRE!

Beauty can be such a curse right honey?

Lhorenzho, I told myself, its time to put the FULL COURT PRESS on AVA!!

It was time to go back to being that hard charger who never hesitated to take action when needed!

You must bowl over these pretenders who dare compete with you for her hand I told myself.

Not that I was too worried about the competition.

ANTS AT A PICNIC!

Little humanoid trinkets to be flicked off my lapel like so many errant breadcrumbs.

I just had to be careful that when I disposed of these wannabe Don Juans that I did it in a manner that would not reflect badly on me.

AVA could never hear anything bad about me.

No! That had to be avoided at all costs.

Always put on airs my abuelita CHENCHA always told me.
I still live by that rule.

You never know the real me until its too fucking late.

I love you AVA!!

Women are God's gift to be sure, but they can be strange creatures.

They are driven by emotions, feelings, and that kind of fluffy shit, and have a tendency to get distracted as many of you fuckers know.
Their pretty little heads can get confused when too many options are presented.

You have to keep it simple for the babes.

I had to put the spotlight back on me.

Her heart had to beat quickly only for me.

I had to be front and center again and these intrusive pseudo lotharios were cramping my style!

Two of the Johnny come latelies who were crying out to AVA for attention were former corpmates of mine.

One was Korvus.
One of my "amigos" would be visiting his duplicitous ass tonite and there would be an accident in his quarters.
Who forgot to put out the "WET FLOOR" signs?

I had a bigger problem than KORVUS.

That fucking nemesis of mine, the pirate ruffian, Miura Bull had come out of left field with a corny quasi-poetic confession of love for AVA.

The fucker blindsided me!

Yes, I knew about his amorous profession even before hearing that fool Tranqui speak about it.

HERE IS WHAT Da BULL had the audacity to write:

Miura BullMarch 2, 2013 at 3:48 PM Would this be a terrible time to reveal that there is another admirer? I remember a time long ago when I danced with Ava under the full red moon of a milky Heimatar sky. Autocannons kissing the black void as fires erupted around our Rifters--the air crackling with excitement. I was smitten from that very moment ... and as my ship exploded in a ball of love and wreckage I sat there frozen. Time stopped. Like the ending to a tragic play I longed for the ultimate seduction under the glowing buzz of a warp scrambler. The seduction never came and my heart was broken and scattered across the wreckage. In that moment of teenage-crush-like admiration of my foe I will be for ever haunted of the waking in the clone vat. A new heart was beating but it still held a previous longing.

SUCH BULLSHIT!!!

Here was a man, this Miura Bull, who more than once called me his mentor, his confidante and who also, in a moment of candid weakness, while in a drunken stupor, dared to refer to me as a father figure!

EMBUSTERO!!!! (big liar for you gringo types)

I could never be PAPA to such an ingrate!

Once I went public with my feelings, his most acceptable action, if he was truly a friend, would have been to step back out of the limelight and volunteer to act as my "wing man" and facilitate my efforts to win the heart of the enchanting AVA.

Instead, I find he has thrown his oversized hat into the ring!

He hopes to woo her and win her hand out from under me!

That delusional motherfucker!!

What in heaven's name has him convinced that he can win the heart of this paragon of womanhood?

Does he have some compromising videotape(s) that he is holding over her head?

At one time I heard that the only way he could get off was under an INFRARED light!

The guy has always been a dreamer this BULL.
A mere "blogger" type whose most illustrious accomplishments are penned contrivances and embellishments put on parchment.
He lives his life on an 8 1/2 x 11 surface!!
He has never truly lived like I have.

What can he offer her that I cannot provide TEN times over?

I offer AVA eclectic life experiences, oodles and oodles of ISK, the most luxurious furs from Geminate, potent intravenous drugs from OUTER PASSAGE, ships of the highest caliber and top of the line primo quality fittings, and as if that impressive litany of material goods was not enough, I bring to the boudoir, the piece de resistance, an encyclopedic knowledge of the KAMA SUTRA, 52nd edition, the one that incorporates Penile overlay devices!

Ay chihuahua, you would be living the dream with me AVA!!

Also, frankly, this BuLL is almost as barbaric and crude as some of my flunkies.

What kind of dinner table conversation could he possibly provide?

How soon would it take an intellectually gifted woman like AVA to tire of this troglodyte like BULL character?

His public utterances have proven that he cannot walk the fine line that demarcates gentlemanly comments about a lady and outright disparaging affront!

Look at how he described his RIFTER combat encounter with my AVA up above.

He used risque almost vulgar terminology.

His words were at once both offensively tawdry and depraved.
He waxed poetic about his subsequent podding at her hands as if our delicate flower was some space dominatrix who helped him achieve some celestial orgasmic eruption!

COCHINO!! Filthy filthy punk!!

The kicker is that this supposed encounter happened in some "Milky Heimatar Sky".
His words not mine!

Really BULL?

Milky?
As in perky, supple, succulent breasts?
You are nasty vato!

You crossed the line fucker! You owe her an apology!

You claim you danced with her?

What exactly are you implying by that cryptic analogy pray tell? DANCED?

I can tell you maintain an unhealthy relationship with women my young friend!

You harbor a lot of resentment against chicks I can tell.

Please don't tell me you are mired in some psychoanalytic web where women are only viewed as either whores or Madonnas?

That is a twisted way to view fucking broads dude!!

She will never forgive your clumsiness in speech and when she seeks comfort I will be there to provide tender solace.

Look, I have been around a long time.

I have had a long line of clones that trace a lineage back a millenia.
I have had the pleasure of cleaving with other notable females named AVA. (a beautiful name which
incidentally for the benefit of you yokels means LIFE)

The AVA GARDNER clone from the 25th century of ancient earth was but one who often tripped the light fantastic with me, at least until that fucking SINATRA was reconstituted, however, none had the impact on me that this my latest fixation has had on me.

She will be mine.

It's gonna happen.

This I swear!

But first, I have some ants to kill!

P.S. I almost forgot.

Here is a treat for you dear AVA.
A palindromic Haiku I penned just for you!
I call it "OBSESSION".