MY NAME IS FRAN, AND MY HUSBAND IS JIMMY.I HAVE BEEN AN RN FOR 35 YEARS. NOW RETIRED DUE TO LEGALLY BLIND. I ENJOY DOING FREELANCE WRITING. JIMMY AND I MET 7 YEARS AGO IN A CHAT ROOM.HE CAME TO LAS VEGAS FROM JERSEY. HE TOLD ME FROM THE START THAT HE HAD TO GO TO PRISON,AS HE HAD COMMITTED A CRIME.HE WENT FOR 3.5 YEARS. NOW HE HAS BEEN HOME FOR 2 YEARS

Saturday, October 29, 2005

JUST STOPPING BY, TO SAY HELLO!...JIMMY WILL BE HERE TOMORROW AFTERNOON, AND WE ARE SO EXCITED!...I HAVE THE HOUSE IN ORDER FOR HIM, AND COOKED A SURPRISE "POT-ROAST" TODAY (ALONG WITH STRING BEANS...HE HATES VEGTABLES...TYPICAL MAN). I EVEN MADE ORANGE SUGAR FREE JELLO FOR HIM, TO BE IN THE SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN............THE JACK-O-LANTREN IS LITE ON THE FRONT PORCH, AND THE SCARECROW SITS IN THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE....OTHER DECORATIONS ARE ON THE FRONT DOOR........JIMMY BOUGHT ME A HANGING WITCH, LIKE A PUPPET, AND I HAVE THAT HANGING UP IN THE LIVING ROOM.....CHILDREN NEVER COME HERE FOR HALLOWEEN, TRICK OR TREATING, AS THIS IS AN ADULT COMMUNITY, BUT IN CASE THEY DO, (GRANDCHILDREN), THERE IS A BOWL OF CANDY AND LOLLIPOPS ON THE FRONT PORCH....ACTUALLY, JIMMY AND I ALWAYS KEEP A BOWL OF CANDY AS YOU WALK IN THE FRONT DOOR, FOR VISITORS...............THEN , WE ALWAYS KEEP A SMALL POTTERY BOWL, FILLED WITH COINS..........I DON'T GET INTO THE CANDY STUFF, AT ALL...I HAVE BRAIN-WASHED MYSELF THAT CANDY IS POISEN TO ME, SO I DON'T EVEN CRAVE IT ANY MORE..........HOWEVER, I DO CRAVE APPLES........YES, LOTS AND LOTS OF APPLES....I EAT 3 OR MORE A DAY.....LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL BOWLS FILLED WITH RED AND GREEN AND YELLOW APPLES, FILL MY KITCHEN!....CRAZY, ISN'T IT!..........AND JIMMY PROMISES TO WEAR HIS HALLOWEEN MASK ALL DAY AND NITE FOR ME!......IT'S WHITE, AND ILLUMINATED IN THE DARK, LIKE THAT WORN IN "HALLOWEEN." IN THE MEANTIME , I HAVE BEEN WATCHING DIFFERENT SHOWS ON TV, FOR HALLOWEEN, THAT ARE EDUCATIONAL.........I SAW AN HOUR SPECIAL ON STEPHAN KING LAST NIGHT.......AND ANOTHER SPECIAL ON VAMPIRES.......I'M ALSO WATCHING ABOUT THE HISTORY OF HALLOWEEN, DATING BACK TO THE CELTICS....I'M FASCINATED ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT....PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE OF JUST WHAT HALLOWEEN IS ABOUT, HISTORICALLY.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

WELL, JIMMY JUST CALLED, AND HE WAS AS 'PERKY" AS EVER!.......THINGS SEEM TO BE "GOOD" TODAY, AND MOVING ALONG.....FRIDAY I HAVE AN EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT, AND JIMMY ARRANGED FOR THE TAXI DRIVER TO PICK ME UP ON FRIDAY, AND TAKE ME ( as my eyes are always dilated).

I TOOK PRINCE OUT EARLIER, AND IT WAS COLD AND WINDY, BUT SUNNY....TONIGHT, NEW JERSEY IS SUPPOSSED TO GET IT'S FIRST FROST....WELL, I GUESS THAT IS THE END OF MY TOMATO PLANTS...YES, UP UNTIL NOW, I HAVE BEEN PICKING 2-3 TOMATOES PER DAY, AND EATING THEM............

TONITE I'LL WATCH MARTHA STEWART, THE APPRENTICE, AND LAST NIGHT I ENJOYED WATCHING "THE BIG LOSER."...

THANK YOU "TLANELL," FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH US, IN THE COMMENT OF THE LAST ENTRY.........CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UPCOMING MARRIAGE....MAYBE YOU CAN STOP BY HERE OFTEN, AND LET US KNOW HOW YOUR WEDDING AND MARRIAGE IS, TO A MAN IN PRISON.........DID YOU MEET HIM WHILE HE WAS IN PRISON, OR DID YOU KNOW HIM BEFORE?....YOU SOUND SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE.........YOU SOUND LIKE A HAPPY AND POSITIVE PERSON...YOU CHEERED ME UP , TONITE, THROUGH YOUR WRITTEN WORDS..........

JIMMY TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME..........WE ARE VERY MUCH CONNECTED, AND HE GIVES ME "ENERGY." SO, WHEN HE LEAVES THIS HOUSEHOLD, I BECOME VERY MUCH "DRAINED, " AND GO INTO A 'SLUMP."....ALL THE ENERGY LEAVES ME, AND I FEEL VERY SICK, FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. SOMEWHERE I HEARD THAT THE HUMAN BODY IS LIKE A COMPUTER, AND NEEDS TO BE TURNED OF, OR RE-BOOTED TO WORK PROPERLY AGAIN...I THINK THAT IS ME...THE TURNING OFF, IS "GOING TO SLEEP," FOR AWHILE, THEN THINGS ARE OK ONCE AGAIN...........................FRAN

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

WELL JIMMY CAME HOME, THEN JIMMY LEFT...AS QUICK AS HE WAS HERE, HE WAS GONE....

HE CAME HOME MONDAY AT 1PM, AND LEFT TUESDAY MPORNING, TODAY, AT 8 AM....THEN, HE WENT TO THE STORE TO WORK, AND SHOULD BE DONE WORKING SOON, AND ON HIS WAY BACK TO KINTOCK....

WE ATE PIZZA, MUSSELS, AND EGG PLANT PARMIGANE...FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT....IT WAS GREAT!...IT WAS THE FIRST PIZZA AND ITALIAN FOOD I HAD EATEN IN THE PAST 31 MONTHS....WELL, I WAS GOING FOR A RECORD!...

THEN IN THE EVENING, WE LAID ON THE BED, WITH PRINCE AND THE 2 CATS, AND WATCHED "SHREK 2," ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES, ON HBO..........JIMMY JUST LOVED IT, AND WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE ANIMATION.......AS WE LAY ACROSS THE BED, PRINCE WAS HUGGING MISTY WITH HIS PAWS, AND THEN, MISTY WAS LICKING PRINCE.....WE HAVE A VERY LOVING HOUSEHOLD!

AROUND MIDNIGHT, JIMMY MADE FRIED EGGS, AND CROISSANTS WITH MELTED CHEESE....DELICIOUS!....HE EVEN SERVED ME IN BED.....ALLWAS WONDERFUL...HOWEVER, AROUNF THAT TIME HE SAID HE WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE AT 8AM IN THE MORNING....I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE STAYING HERE UNTIL 5PM...BUT I GUESS NOT........

SO, HE TOOK THE TAXI AT 8AM...AND PRINCE AND I WATCHED OUT THE WINDOW.....THEN WE LAID BACK DOWN, AND AS USUAL, I JUST SLEPT....

WHEN THERE IS NO WHERE TO GO IN YOUR HEART AND SOUL, WELL, THE BEST PLACE TO GO, IS TO SLEEP...........AND SO, JIMMY CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES THROUGH-OUT THE DAY, AND I WAS ALWAYS SLEEPING...HE WENT TO WORK...AND ONE TIME HE CALLED ME AND SAID, "I FEEL LIKE AN EMPTY EGG, WITH THE YOLK DRAINED OUT." (that is, he felt like an empty shell).

AND SO, WE PROCEED INTO THE COLD, AND SNOW, AND ICY RAIN, AND COLD WINDS, AND DARK DAYS, AND SHORT DAYS, AND DARKNESS AND GLOOM.....THE LONLINESS OF THIS HOUSE IS BECOMING OVERWHELMIN TO ME...JIMMY'S PRESENCE FOR 20 HOURS FILLS IT UP, BUT THEN AGAIN, IT IS LONLIER AND COLDER THAN EVER.............OH WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END, I ASK MYSELF...............

I AM IN A STRANGE PLACE, HARD TO UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN HERE............

I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVEBECOME THIS WAY LATELY..........IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE TAKEN PART OF ME, THAT LIVES DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF ME, AND LOCKED HER AWAY.............I LOCKED HER DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF ME.........MAYBE SHE WILL IMMERGE ONE DAY, STRONGER AND BETTER, BUT AS FOR NOE, I JUST CAN'T HELP IT..........JIMMY TRIES TO TALK TO ME, AND UNDERSTAND ME...........IT IS MAYBE THE FIRST TIME, I JUST CAN'T LET HIM UNDERSTAND ME.....AND HE SEARCHES FOR THE RIGHT WORDS...HE USUALLY HAS THEM....BUT I'VE BECOME LOST IN MYSELF...IN NOTHINGNESS...I'M NOT SURE IF HE CAN HELP ME THIS TIME AROUND............"THE ME THAT NOBODY KNOWS."...IT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO FEEL...IT IS A BLAND, NOTHINGNESS FEELING...UNREACHABLE BY OTHERS............NOT UNDERSTOOD BY ANYONE...............A PLACE I LIKE TO GO, INSIDE OF ME, AND I LOCK MYSELF AWAY...FROM EVERYONE....NO EMOTIONS, NO FEELINGS.....JUST TO BE LEFT ALONE...........BECAUSE MY HEART BEATS, AND MY BRAIN FUNCTIONS.........AND SO I AM STILL ALIVE...........BUT, I WANT TO BE WHERE NO ONE CAN REACH ME...AND I FEEL SAD TO DO THIS TO A HUSBAND WHO IS SO WONDERFUL...WHO WORKS SO HARD...WHO WORKS TO ERRADICATE THE CRIME HE COMMITTED...IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SAD...THAT I LOCK MYSELF WITHIN MYSELF.........................I LIKE IT THAT WAY...NO ONE CAN REACH ME....KNOW ONE CAN KNOW ME..............AND THAT IS THE ONE THING I HAVE UP ON EVERYONE...THEY JUST DON'T KNOW ME, AND NEVER WILL............JIMMY IS THE ONLY ONE WHO I HAVE ALLOWED TO KNOW ME...AND IT IS AT TIMES LIKE THIS, THAT EVEN HE HAS A HARD TIME.......

AND SO, LET US NOW READ THE BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS FROM THE LAST ENTRY.......THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOR CARING AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SUCH WELL-THOUGHT COMMENTS.....

SUGAR SAYS, AMONST OTHER THINGS, " THE JUSTICE SYSTEM NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED...."

BETTY (lv2rnscrb)...."THERE SHOULD BE A PROGRAM OR MINISTRY AVAILABLE FOR THE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE INCARCERATED, TO GO TO SCHOOLS TO TALK TO KIDS AND TEENS, TO TELL THEM HOW TERRIBLE IT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE IN PRISON. IT MAY HELP THEM AVOID LEADING A LIFE OF CRIME...."................YES BETTY, THABK YOU SO MUCH...THAT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL IDEA, AND WOULD HELP OTHERS.

THE GREATEST COMMENT WAS BY DEBBIE (DERASTA)....(ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOUR JOURNAL IS THAT I GET TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE LOVED ONES WHO ARE LEFT BEHIND GO THROUGH....."................THANK YOU, DEBBIE, YOU SAID IT ALL.......

ONCE A SANE AND HAPPY PERSON, I'M NOW TRYING FOR THIS WHOLE PROCESS NOT TO EAT THROUGH ME, LIKE A POISON........IT IS NOW 31 MONTHS THAT JIMMY HAS BEEN WITHIN THE PRISON SYSTEM....WHEN I MARRIED HIM, HE THOUGHT IT WOULD ONLY BE 5 MONTHS, THEN HOUSE ARREST............WELL, HERE WE GO, ANOTHER WINTER AND HOLIDAY SEASON APPROACHING........I WISH THERE WAS A BUTTON TO SHUT THE HUMAN BODY OFF....I WOULD DO THAT, AND WAKE UP WHEN IT IS ALL OVER........

Sunday, October 23, 2005

JIMMY WON'T BE COMING HOME TODAY. THE REASON IS, THAT AFTER HE FINISHES WORKING AT THE FOODSTORE, IT WILL BE AROUND 2 OR 3 PM, AND IT WILL TAKE HIM AT LEAST 5 OR MORE HOURS TO GET HERE BY BUS...THE POLICY OF KINTOCK IS THAT THE PERSON SHOULD ARRIVE HOME BEFORE IT GETS DARK...AND IT GETS DARK EARLY NOW....WELL, THAT IS A VERY GOOD POLICY, BECAUSE IT PROTECTS THE PUBLIC FROM CRIMINALS WHO WOULD OTHERWISE BE TRAVELING AROUND AT NIGHT............WOULD YOU WANT TO SIT NEXT TO A CRIMINAL ON A BUS AT NIGHT?.......I DON'T THINK MOST PEOPLE WOULD. WELL, NEXT TIME YOU RIDE A BUS, JUST THINK WHO MAY BE A CRIMINAL THAT IS RIDING WITH YOU ON THAT BUS, OR EVEN NEXT TO YOU....I BET YOU NEVER , EVER, EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT.........

SO, I GOT UP EARLY TODAY, MOPPED ALL THE FLOORS, AND VACUUMED THE HOUSE. I MADE SURE EVERYTHING WAS READY FOR JIMMY, BUT HE CALLED ME AROUND 11 AM AND SAID HE COULDN'T MAKE IT HERE ON TIME, BEFORE NIGHT-FALL, THAT IS.....SO HE SAYS, HE'LL COME HOME TOMORROW....BUT I'M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH............

IT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS JOURNAL NOT ONLY TO BE INTERESTING AND ENTERTAINING, AND A PURGING OF MY SOUL AND THOUGHTS , BUT TO BE EDUCATIONAL TO THE PUBLIC , AS WELL......MANY OF MY FRIENDS I MADE THROUGH THIS JOURNAL ARE MARRIED WOMAN, WHO I SUPPOSE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES ON "BEHIND THE SCENES," OF SOMEONE WHOSE HUSBAND IS IN PRISON. MANY ARE WOMAN WHO IDENTIFY WITH ME, AS THEY HAVE HUSBANDS, AND MEN IN PRISON....SOME ARE MOTHERS, OR SISTERS OF PRISONERS. MANY WRITE AND TELL ME THEY READ THIS JOURNAL ON A RGEGULAR BASIS....MANY ARE THE "QUIET" WOMEN, WITH MEN IN PRISON, WHO ARE AFRAID TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT IN PUBLIC. SO, I THANK YOU FOR STOPPING HERE TO READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY....

AND NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS ANY PRISONER READING THIS, OR ANY MAN OR WOMAN WHO IS CONTEMPLATING COMMITTING A CRIME IN THE FUTURE.

IF YOU THINK LIFE IS A "BOWL OF CHERRIES,' AFTER YOU COMMIT A CRIME AND GO TO PRISON, YOU HAD BETTER THINK TWICE....JUST READ MY JOURNAL AND SEE WHAT IT IS LIKE....WHEN YOU DRAG YOURSELF, AND LOVED ONES THROUGH THE GRUELING PROCESS OF BEING IN PRISON....READ MY JOURNAL AND SEE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE TWISTED AND TURNED, AND BROUGHT THROUGH THE 'PRISON JOURNEY."....NICE, ISN'T IT?..........IT IS ALMOST LIKE BEING A VEGETABLE....YES, A VEGTABLE WITH A BRAIN...BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES ARE HELPLESS, AND ONLY MADE TO SUFFER.....SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE...GROW UP.......YOU MAY BE ONLY 19 OR 20 COMMITTING THESE CRIMES, BUT SOON YOU WILL BE 50, OR 60...LIFE GOES FASTER , THE OLDER YOU GET...AND SOON YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND REGRET WHAT YOU'VE DONE...NOT ONLY TO YOURSELF, BUT TO OTHERS THAT LOVE YOU, AND OF COURSE TO THE PUBLIC......

......YOU WILL REGRET COMMITTING THAT CRIME, SOONER OR LATER..............THAT IS ONE REASON I WRITE THIS JOURNAL...SO YOU CAN SEE JUST WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR THE PERSON AT HOME THAT WAITS...............

IF I HAVE HELPED AND PREVENTED JUST ONE PERSON FROM COMMITTING A CRIME, THEN IT IS WELL WORTH MY TIME AND EFFORT WRITING THIS JOURNAL.............

Saturday, October 22, 2005

JIMMY JUST CALLED, AND WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COME HOME AT THE TIME HE EXPECTED , TOMORROW....AN ACCIDENT HAPPENED IN THE STORE, AT THE DELI COUNTER....ONE OF THE GIRLS WORKING THERE, ACCIDENTALLY SLICED HER FINGER, ON THE MEAT SLICER....SO, NOW THEY WANT JIMMY TO COME IN TOMORROW MORNING AND WORK PART OF THE DAY SHIFT (MAYBE UNTIL AROUND 1 OR 2 PM)...........

JIMMY HOPES HE CAN GET AHOLD OF HIS COUNSELOR, SO IT CAN BE APPROVED....THAT HE WILL WORK THE DAY SHIFT, AND THEN COME HOME....PROBABLY ARRIVING HERE AT AROUND 6 OR 7 PM.

JIMMY HAS TO PUT IN THE PAPERWORK AT KINTOCK, AND HAVE IT APPROVED.....THIS HAS TO BE DONE RIGHT AWAY, TOMORROW MORNING....

WELL, THAT'S ANOTHER THING TO WORRY ABOUT....USING THE MEAT SLICER...HE WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO ME THAT THEY WEAR HEAVY GLOVES, AND IT IS EASY TO ACCIDENTALLY CUT YOURSELF....I ALWAYS TELL HIM TO BE VERY CAREFUL.

WELL....GUESS WE WON'T MAKE IT TO CHURCH TOMORROW.....I GUESS HE'LL BE IN TIME FOR "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES1"......ALSO. I WANT TO LET HIM WATCH THE "SEX EDUCATORS," A BRITISH SHOW ON HBO, WHICH IS EDUCATIONAL AND AMUSING TO WATCH, WHICH HAS NOW BEEN MOVED TO "HBO ON-DEMAND."

ON A FUNNIER NOTE....ANY

PLACE MY HUSBAND GOES ON HIS FURLOUGH, MUST BE APPROVED. SO, PHONE NUMBERS, AMND ADDRESSES, MUST BE PROVIDED ON THE PAPER HE FILLS OUT FOR APPROVAL. THE COUNSELOR CALLS THOSE PLACES TO VERIFY THAT THEY REALLY EXIST, ETC........ SO JIMMY WENT TO HIS ROOM, TO GET HIS ADDRESS BOOK. HIS ROOM WAS DARK AS USUAL, BECAUSE THE GUYS ARE ALWAYS SLEEPING....HE TOOK OUT THE WRONG NUMBER, ACCIDENTALLY, AND GAVE IT TO HIS COUNSELOR, WHO CALLED THE NUMBER.....THE PERSON WHO ANSWERED, WAS ROSIE...A WOMAN WHO IS ONE OF HIS FATHER'S GIRLFRIENDS.........POOR ROSIE!....SHE IS AROUND 85 YEARS OLD, (OR OLDER), AND PARTIALLY CONFUSED, BUT STILL VERY ACTIVE......AND THAT CALL REALLY MADE HER EVEN MORE CONFUSED!............SO, IT WAS ALL STRAIGHTENED OUT, AND JIMMY PROVIDED THE CORRECT PHONE NUMBER OF THE CHURCH..............

THE OTHER DAY, I WAS TALKING WITH JIMMY ABOUT ST. MAXIMILLIAN KOLBE.....JIMMY TOLD ME ABOUT HIS WHOLE LIFE....I WAS IMPRESSED, THAT HE RMEMBERED EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM........ST. MAXIMILLIAN IS ACTUALLY THE PATRON SAINT OF "PRISONERS.".........HE HIMSELF WAS IN PRISON............I GUESS MAYBE THAT IS WHY I WAS DRAWN TO HIM DURING THE FIRST YEARS OF JIMMY'S INCARCERATION..........AND I EVEN KEEP HIS PICTURE HANGING IN THE KITCHEN...........

Thursday, October 20, 2005

TODAY, THE OWNER OF THE FOODSTORE CHAIN IN WHICH MY HUSBAND IS EMPLOYED, PASSED AWAY. HE WAS ONLY 42 YEARS OLD, AND HAD CANCER....HE LEAVES A WIDOW..............EVERYONE IN JIMMY'S STORE IS KIND OF IN SHOCK, THAT THIS YOUNG MAN DIED...JUST LIKE THAT......HE OWNS SEVERAL OF THE IGA FOODSTORES. JIMMY SPOKE TO ME A LITTLE WHILE AGO, AND SAID MR. P PUT UP SIGNS IN ALL THE STORES TO ANNOUNCE THIS MAN'S PASSING AWAY........MY HUSBAND WAS QUITE UPSET ABOUT THIS MAN'S DEATH.....(HE TOLD ME HOW THE YOUNGER EMPLOYEES ARE JOKING AND CARRYING ON, AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED, AND HE FEELS THEY SHOULD BE MORE RESPECTFUL ON THIS DAY).......THE SIGN READ SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT THE STORE WILL CONTINUE RUNNING AND FUNCTIONING, DESPITE THE OWNERS DEATH....

ALSO, I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU ALL, AT THIS TIME, THAT MR. P, WAS SUDDENLY DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER, THIS PAST WEEK OR SO, AND WILL HAVE TO UNDERGO TESTS AND SURGRY IN THE COMING WEEKS...........WELL, JUST WHAT CAN I SAY...........I'M VERY SORRY TO HEAR ALL THIS NEWS..............

AND SO, I ASK ALL THOSE READING THIS JOURNAL TO SAY A SPECIAL PRAYER FOR MR. P, AND FOR THE OWNER OF THE STORE, TONIGHT BEFORE YOU FALL ASLEEP. ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER THEIR WIVES AND LOVED ONES.....THANK YOU VERY MUCH.......

AND SO, ON ANOTHER NOTE..........JIMMY AND I ARE SO EXCITED BECAUSE HIS FURLOUGH HOME IS COMING UP. HE TOLD ME THAT BY TOMORROW MORNING, IT WILL BE 48 HRS. TILL HE COMES HOME!...IS THAT ALL!...I'D BETTER HURRY AND GET THE HOUSE READY FOR HIM!

WE TALKED ABOUT THAT WE WILL GO TO THE CHURCH WE ARE MEMBERS OF....ST. MAXIMILLIAN KOLBE CHURCH. I WANT TO BRING HIM TO A NEW GROTTO THAT OPENED AFTER HE WENT TO PRISON....IT IS FILLED WITH SHRINES OF SAINTS, AND HAS A LIFE SIZE STATUE OF ST. MAXIMILLAN (WHICH ODDLY ENOUGH IS BEHIND BARS). THE FIRST YEAR THAT MY HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON, I WOULD GO THERE ALOT...I FOUND IT VERY SOOTHING. I WOULD READ THE RED BRICKS ON THE FLOOR, WHICH WERE DEDICATED TO THE DECEASED...ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE, WE WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE A STONE TO HIS MOTHER, AND MY MOTHER, WHO ARE DECEASED.......

SO, THAT'S ABOUT IT....MAINTAINING PEACE, BALANCE, AND HARMONY IN THE HOME.......LOVE FOR YOUR SPOUSE........AND CONTINUING ON IN LIFE...............LOVE, FRAN

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I'M BACK AGAIN WRITING IN THIS JOURNAL! JIMMY CAME HOME, AND FIXED THIS SILLY COMPUTER...HE KEEPS CLEANING UP THE FILES, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SINCE HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS, AND 7 MONTHS, AND NO ONE HAS 'CLEANED' THE COMPUTER.......!

SO, JIMMY ARRIVED HOME LAST SUNDAY, AT AROUND 1PM, AND WAS ABLE TO STAY UNTIL 5PM THE NEXT DAY! THAT WAS MUCH MORE TIME THAN THE PREVIOUS FURLOUGHS.........WERE TOGETHER FOR 28 HOURS.

I JUST STARTED GETTING MYSELF TOGETHER TODAY, TUESDAY, AND WAS FEELING A LITTLE WEAK ALL DAY, SO I WAS RESTING IN BED MOST OF THE DAY..........MY HUSBAND IS LIKE A SHOT OF ENERGY WHEN HE COMES HERE...I'VE ALWAYS FELT HIS BURST OF ENERGY AROUND ME, SINCE I'VE KNOWN HIM...........HE GIVES ME STRENGTH, BUT LIKE TODAY, MY EQUILIBRIUM WAS OFF BALANCE!..............FUNNY THING IS, WE REALLY DIDN'T DO MUCH ON THIS FURLOUGH!........WE HAD PLANNED TO GO OUT TO A FEW PLACES, BUT NEVER MADE IT!.........WE JUST FELT LIKE STAYING SNUGGLED UP AT HOME, IN BED, MOST OF THE TIME.....SIMPLY PUT, WE ATE AND MADE LOVE, JUST ABOUT THE WHOLE TIME!.....OH YES, NOTHING LIKE A MAN WHO "WHISPERS SWEET NOTHINGS" IN A WOMAN'S EARS....FOREVER ON END....OVER AND OVER..............AND GIVES HER WONDERFUL MASSAGES, TO RELAX HER. I'M TELLING YOU, IF THERE IS A MAN OUT THERE IN COMPUTER-LAND READING THIS, YOU CAN CERTAINLY TAKE LESSONS FROM JIMMY. HE IS THE BEST!....AND HE NEVER GETS TIRED OF IT! HE KNOWS HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT A WOMAN WANTS AND NEEDS, TO MAKE HER FEEL HAPPY AND LOVED.

AND YES, I HAD COOKED SOME FOOD AHEAD OF TIME, SO WE WOULDN'T WASTE TIME COOKING!...........I MADE CURRIED CHICKEN, ROASTED CHICKEN THIGHS (IN CASE HE DIDN'YT LIKE THE CURRY), FRIED POTATOES, BROCOLLI, SALAD, SHELLS WITH BUTTER AND CHEESE...LATER , THERE WAS RIGATONI WITH MEAT SAUCE, CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA SUGAR FREE PUDDING, LEMON JELLO.........IN THE MORNING , JIMMY MADE FRIED EGGS, AND I MADE THE COFFEE.......FOR LUNCH WE HAD STEAK AND SALAD..............LOTS OF ICED TEA!.........AND APPLES, OF COURSE!

WE WATCHED TV TOGETHER, AND HE CAUGHT UP ON LARRY DAVID'S SHOWS, WHICH WE BOTH LOVE, AND HE GOT TO SEE "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES," FOR THE FIRST TIME.

WE BOTH GOT A GOOD-NIGHTS SLEEP, BUT WHEN JIMMY WOKE UP AT 6 AM, HE FOUND THE HOUSE BITTERLY COLD, AS I HAD THE AIR-CONDITIONER ON, AND THE HOUSE TEMPERATURE WAS 61.6 DEGREES, AND I HAD THE BIG FAN IN THE BEDROOM BLOWING ON US..........WE HAD A VERY BIG LAUGH!......BUT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!....I GET THOSE HOT FLASHES, AND NIGHT SWEATS, THAT YOU ALWAYS READ ABOUT! WELL, IT'S TRUE! IT REALLY HAPPENS TO WOMEN.....AND ALL OF THIS STARTED WHEN JIMMY HAS BEEN AWAWY FROM HOME!

THE ANIMALS ARE SO DIFFERENT WHEN JIMMY IS HOME...THEY ARE SO VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED...RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE, AFTER JIMMY!......EVERYTIME JIMMY MOVES, PRINCE RUNS AFTER HIM, THINKING IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER WALK. HE GETS LOTS OF WALKS WHEN JIMMY IS HOME, WHICH HE DOESN'T GET WITH ME, BECAUSE HE IS TOO STRONG FOR ME, AND PULLS ME AROUND...AND AS FOR MISTY, THE CAT, SHE SAT ON TOP OF JIMMY'S CHEST ALL NIGHT.......WE HAD TO PUSH HER AWAY, SO JIMMY COULD HOLD ME IN HIS ARMS ALL NIGHT, BUT SOMEHOW, MISTY WOULD STICK HERSELF IN BETWEEN US.....MISTY ALWAYS NEEDS A LOT OF LOVE AND ATTENTION........SHE IS VERY JEALOUS OF ME, THAT I LAY IN JIMMY'S ARMS. THEN, THERE WAS A NOISE IN THE HOUSE, AND MISTY GOT SCARED AND RAN OFF HIS CHEST....JIMMY HAS A SCRATCH AROUND 2- 3 INCHES LONG ON HIS CHEST. WHEN HE GOT BACK TO KINTOCK, SOME OF THE GUYS SAW IT, AS HE WAS TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT. THEY JOKED WITH HIM, THAT I SCRATCHED HIM!....TRUTHFULLY, I DIDN'T!....IT WAS MISTY THE CAT!.......ACTUALLY, JIMMY CUT MY FINGERNAILS, AND TOENAILS, SO I WOULDN'T SCRATCH HIM!

I MUST NOT LEAVE OUT JIMBO, JIMMY'S FAVORITE LITTLE CAT WITH THE CUTE FACE. JIMBO IS THE ONE WHO SITS ALOOF, UNTIL HE IS READY FOR LOVE....THEN HE WILL APPROACH YOU....AND JIMMY IS FOREVER HOLDING JIMBO, HIS NAMESAKE, AND GIVING HIM LOTS OF LOVE.......

SO THAT'S ABOUT IT! JIMMY WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE HOUSEHOLD...THAT ALL WAS SPOTLESS, AND IN ORDER. WELL, I SAID, "I'M HERE ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, TO KEEP OUR HOUSEHOLD IN ORDER." I TOLD HIM HOW I WASH THE KITCHEN FLOOR, AND 2 BATHROOM FLOORS EVERYDAY WITH LYSOL ...HOW I SWEEP, AND VACUUM ALMOST EVERYDAY.......THAT IS MY JOB AT THIS TIME IN LIFE...AND WITH 3 ANIMALS, ONE MUST FOREVER KEEP AFTER THEM..........JIMMY WAS ALSO HAPPY I HAD PUT UP SOME HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS, AND HE WORE THE WHITE MASK FOR ME (HE SAID IT IS THE MASK WORN IN THE MOVIE "HALLOWEEN")...............AS FOR JIMMY, HE CLEANED AND WASHED THE CEMENT ON THE PATIO, AS THERE WAS MOLD GROWING WITH THE RECENT RAIN STORMS AND FLOODING. HE ALSO FIXED THE FRONT SCREEN DOOR, WHICH WAS HALF BROKEN AND STUCK. HE CLEANED THE INSIDE OF THE CAR, AND OF COURSE, WORKED ON THIS COMPUTER TO CLEAN IT UP....

WE ARE HAPPY NOW, AS EVERYTHING SEEMS MORE BALANCED IN OUR LIVES AT THIS POINT. HIS JOB AT THE DELI IS GOING VERY WELL...HE NOW SEEMS TO HAVE REGULAR DAYS OFF...EVERY SUNDAY AND MONDAY OFF...SO HE WORKS 5 DAYS STRAIGHT, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, AND COMES HOME ON SUNDAY AND MONDAY, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, AND A NORMAL LIFE......

WE ARE HAPPY BECAUSE HIS JOB IS A FEW MINUTES FROM KINTOCK, AND HE DOESN'T SPEND ALL DAY TRAVELING ON A BUS..........AT LEAST I AM HAPPY, AS HIS WIFE.......AND HE SAYS THIS IS MUCH BETTER NOW, BECAUSE THAT 5 HOUR BUS TRIP WAS GETTING TO BE TOO MUCH.......AND THE PEOPLE HE WORKS WITH ARE ALL VERY NICE AND HE ENJOYS THE CUSTOMERS, TOO. SO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW SEEMS ORDERLY, CALM, AND IN IT'S PLACE...........NEXT SUNDAY, WHEN HE GETS HOME, WE ARE HOPING TO GO TO CHURCH. WE WERE ALWAYS USED TO ATTENDING CHURCH TOGETHER, AND IT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR LIVES....IT ALSO MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY.

JIMMY SAYS AS THE TIME GOES ON, HE WILL TAKE ME OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND GO A FEW PLACES. I TOLD HIM, I REALLY DON'T LIKE GOING OUT ANYMORE...I FEEL SAFE AND SECURE WITHIN MY HOUSE, AND WITH MY PETS...HE SAID, HE UNDERSTANDS, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN CONFINED WITHIN THE HOUSE FOR OVER 2 1/2 YEARS NOW...HE SAID, I'LL START TO CHANGE BACK TO MY OLD SELF AGAIN...BUT , I JUST DON'T KNOW.......IT SEEMS VERY SCARY TO GO OUT AND BE WITH PEOPLE, IN PUBLIC........I DO MAKE MY TRIPS TO THE LOCAL FOODSTORE, BUT THAT IS ABOUT IT....I'M OK IN A KNOWN ENVIRONMENT.........BUT I GET A PANICKY FEELING TO EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING OUT ANYWHERE.....I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I'LL BE OK, WITH HIM BY MY SIDE. I GUESS I HAVE BECOME A BITE OF AN AGORAPHOBIC...WELL, WE'LL SEE..........

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!............Fran

ps.......jimmy has already started counting how many hours till he comes home next sunday.......last nite, on the phone, he told me it was something like 99 hours untilwe meet again........for me, it's too much calculation!.......all you need to do, is ask jimmy at any given time, "how many more hours until you are home with fran?", and he will have the answer in the top of his head.....my husband is really too much!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I JUST SPOKE TO JIMMY A LITTLE WHILE AGO, AS HE GOT BACK TO KINTOCK, FROM WORK.......WE ARE SO HAPPY, BECAUSE HIS FURLOUGH HOME THIS SUNDAY, SEEMS TO BE APPROVED....AND WE ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT.....HE WILL STAY TILL MONDAY, AND GO BACK TO KINTOCK A LITTLE LATER THAN PREVIOUSLY..........

WE ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE, AND JUST TALKING TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE GIVES ME CHILLS....JUST THINKING I WILL BE WITH HIM IN A FEW DAYS GIVES ME CHILLS...AND HE FEELS THE SAME WAY........IT IS SO NICE TO "BE IN LOVE, " AND I WISH EVERYONE CAN FEEL THAT WAY. IF A PERSON IS NEVER IN LOVE, IN THEIR LIFETIME, THEY ARE CERTAINLY MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING VERY WONDERFUL!

I JUST WROTE A POEM FOR HALLOWEEN, AND I'LL SEND IT INTO THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER. I READ THE POEM TO JIMMY....HE IS VERY HAPPY THAT I TRY TO STAY PRODUCTIVE.....I BOUGHT A WITCHES HAT FOR PRINCE, AND HAD IT ON HIM TONITE, AND TOOK SOME PIX...(I KNOW!...SO HE'S A MALE WITCH...OR WARLOCK!)..........I PUT OUT ON THE TABLE MY 2 HALLOWEEN BARBIE DOLLS, THAT ARE DRESSED AS WITCHES (I LOVE MY BARBIE'S).

IN THE MORNING I WILL GO TO THE POST-OFFICE. I HAVE 45 PAGES TO MAIL THAT ARE A STORY (about an angel), AND AN ESSAY (ABOUT THE BLIND)........TO A NJ WRITING COMPETITION............SO YOU CAN SEE, I STILL TRY AND KEEP MYSELF OCCUPIED AND PRODUCTIVE...OR AT LEAST, I TRY MY BEST.

DEBBIE, TRY AND GET YOUR EYES CHECKED AGAIN, AND BY ALL MEANS TELL THE DOCTOR YOU ARE DIABETIC. YES, DIABETES AFFECTS THE EYES, AND I BELIEVE IT IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF BLINDNESS IN OUR COUNTRY....THE HIGH BLOOD SUGARS AFFECT THE RETINA. AS I SAID, WHEN THIS STARTED WITH ME, I HAD GONE TO THE EYE DOCTOR FOR A ROUTINE CHECK. HE WANTED ME TO SEE A RETINA SPECIALIST, BUT IT WAS NOT AN EMERGENCY AT THAT TIME, SO MY APPOINTMENT WAS FOR SEVERAL WEEKS AWAY. AND IN THAT TIME, IT BECAME AN EMERGENCY...AND SO THE STORY GOES....

WELL, GOOD-NITE EVERYONE. SOON I WILL GO TO BED AND THINK OF MY JIMMY, AS HE IS DOING THE SAME AT THIS TIME.....................Fran

I lost my eyesight due to Diabetic Retinopathy, but also the Macula is affected in the right eye....that's why I see distortion. My vision is 20/400 in the right eye, and 20/80 in the left eye. I can use a blind person's cane, but haven't gotten in to that very much.......I can read with my left eye, by placing the paper 1 inch from my eye, with my right eye closed....My doctor is surprised i continue to read so much, but he says it's ok, because it strengthens the eyes. However, he says I get tired so much more than normal sighted people, because my eyes are working extra hard to see. To see this computer screen, I am sitting a few inches from the screen (large moniter), with extra large print...and at that it is still wavey and blurry.

I have had diabetes for over 20 years. Exactly one year after marrying Jimmy, I went to work one day , and couldn't read my assignment. It all came on suddenly, although I had just been for a routine visit to the eye doctor a few weeks earlier. My co-workers saw I was having trouble reading the paper, as I put the assignment sheet up close to my eyes. Then, as the shift progressed, I just couldn't see to do the nursing tasks I had to do, like catheterize people, start iv's, and remove sutures and staples. Jimmy took me to the Retuna Specialist, and it was an emergency, because my eyes were hemorhaging inside....I was not allowed to go back to work after that..Jimmy took me to the Eye doctor (retina specialists), so many times, i lost count......Jimmy and I spent many, many hours in the retina specialist office, time and time again, as they dilated my eyes, and kept examining them, over and over......I had laser surgery twice, and the diagnosis is that the condition will deteriate, and nothing futher can be done...the laser surgery only stopped it for a while from bleeding further...however, even now they bleed occasionally...i know it when i see these big black spider-like things moving in front of me....

Anyhow, on a happier note, the "literature" says that it takes 1 year for a person to adjust to loss of eyesight........I am over that mark, as it is 3 years now...It annoys me, more than anything else, and the problem is driving...i'm not allowed to. Ifa person is very close to me, I can see them, a little,,,but, i can't even see the big E on the eyechart..........

Well, I hope your diabetes and eyesight is ok........Doctor's always make you feel guilty for having Diabetes, but hey, there is no cure for diabetes, only diet and exercise.....Until there is a cure, I refuse to feel guilty for it. When I was growing up, you hardly ever heard about Diabetes. Now, every other word in newspapers, magazines, etc., is the word Diabetes....the media maks the public afraid of diabetes....however, our society is based on fast foods, processed foods, etc. They feed us all that bad food, and then make you feel guilty about diabetes...........As for myself, I follow a very strict diet, or try my best anyhow....no sugars, no white products, no processed foods....mostly vegtables, salads and fish........i never eat out anymore, and not living with anyone, it has become easier for me to restrict my diet......Stem cell research is so important, and may be the only help for diabetics.

My mother had diabetes, and she was scared to give herself insulin shots. So at the age of 12 , I was taught to give her the shots....It was in the days of glass syringes, and she had to boil the syringe........Every morning she would wake me up at 7 am, and half sleepy-eyed i would get up, and give her insulin...........so, growing up in a diabetic household, i'm kind of used to the whole thing, and refuse to be scared of it................worse than a disease itself, (any disease, for that matter), is to "be scared of the disease."

Sunday, October 9, 2005

JIMMY CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES TODAY, SUNDAY. IT WAS HIS DAY OFF, AND HE FEELS VERY BORED AT KINTOCK...THERE IS NOTHING FOR HIM TO DO THERE....HE IS NORMALLY A VERY ACTIVE MAN, AND CAN'T STAND TO STAY PUT, AND NOT DO ANYTHING....THERE IS JUST SO MUCH READING THAT ONE CAN DO, AND HE LISTENS TO TALK SHOWS ON HIS RADIO...HE NEVER GOES INTO THE TV ROOM...........SO THAT'S ABOUT IT.......HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT NOW HE HAS MISSED 2 FURLOUGHS HOME........WELL, I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT THIS COMING WEDNESDAY, AND I WONDER IF HE WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE ME THERE........IF HE CAN'T MAKE IT HOME, I JUST WOULDN'T GO AT ALL.......MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN TOO BAD TO DRIVE ANYWHERE , ANYMORE....

I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THEY MEANT BY "PRISON REFORM," MY WHOLE LIFE....WELL, NOW I KNOW.........THE WHOLE SYSTEM SEEMS MIXED UP TO ME............AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT THE SYSTEM IS OVER-CROWDED...OF COURSE IT IS, WHEN THEY KEEP PEOPLE IN PRISON, WHO SHOULD BE OUT.........AND BEFORE YOU ALL "ATTACK" ME FOR SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW THAT IT IS A BIG ISSUE IN OUR COUNTRY..........IT'S ALL AN EDUCATION FOR ME...

WELL, I GOTTA GO NOW......THE HOUSE IS QUIET, COLD....I CAN ONLY WATCH SO MUCH TV, AND LISTEN TO SO MUCH RADIO..........I SAW 'DESPERATE HOUSWIVES," AND 'LARRY DAVID," TONITE........I ALSO DID THE ONE-MILE WALK(ON-DEMAND EXERCISE)........I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING ON THE COOKING CHANNEL, AND FASHION CHANNEL AROUND 100 TIMES....TV, AND JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING HAS BECOME BORING FOR ME........I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE SLEEPING ANYMORE.............WELL, THERE IS A LITTLE ESSAY I WANT TO WRITE THAT IS IN MY HEAD......I WILL DO THAT NOW........IT IS CALLED "THE BLIND GIRL."...........THAT IS ME.......ABOUT LOSING YOUR EYESIGHT AT THE AGE OF 48, AND HOW THINGS CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE...........IN MANY WAYS IT IS A BLESSING...........I WILL EXPLAIN WHAT I SEE, AND HOW I PERCEIVE THE WOURLD NOW.......AND HOW OTHERS SEE ME............HOW IT IS LIKE LIVING IN A FISHBOWL...IT IS ALL BLURRY AND WATERY, AND DEBRIS, LIKE LITTLE FISH SWIM BACK AND FORTH..........HOW THE RIGHT EYE IS COMPLETELY BLIND, AND EVRYTHING IS DISTORTED AND HALF THE SIZE...THE VISION IS VERY DIM, AND THE OBJECTS ARE VERY SMALL, AND PARTLY NOT THERE...PEOPLE LOOK GROTESQUE, LIKE MONSTERS TO ME...................THE ONLY PERSON I TRUST IS MY HUSBAND......................BECAUSE I REALLY CAN'T SEE FACES, OR ANY DETAILS...MOSTLY EVERYTHING IS A SHADOW........I DO MOST THINGS BY MEMORY......SO EVERYTHING MUST BE IN ITS PLACE AT HOME, OTHERWISE I AM LOST.........AND FORGET ABOUT THE DARK....I'M TOTALLY DIORIENTED THERE...AND OFF-BALANCE..................SO I WILL WRITE MY LITTLE STORY, AND SEND IT IN TO HE "NEW JERSEY WORDSMITH COMPETITION." (they want material from disabled people)....

BEFORE I GO, I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU.....LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME I WAS BEING TRANSPORTED FROM THE HISPITAL TO THE NURSING HOME....WHEN I GOT TO THE NURSING HOME, I HJAD PHYSICAL THERAPY EVERYDAY, TO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN......I WAS CRYING ALL THE TIME...I WAS TILL VERY SHORT OF BREATH...MY PULSE OX ON AMBULATYION WAS DROPPING TO 88 WHEN IN PT..........AND I WOULD ALWAYS FEEL LIKE FAINTING.........ON THE SECOND DAY OF PHYSICAL THERAPY, A BEAUTIFUL THERAPIST WORKED WITH ME...........TO ME, SHE, (her name was Genivive), WAS LIKE AN ANGEL TO ME...........I WROTE THIS POEM ABOUT HER WHEN I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM..........SHE SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY PERSON TO UNDERSTNAD AND CARE FOR ME AT THAT TIME.........

"GENIVIVE" ....written 1011/04

LIKE AN ANGEL SHE ARRIVED....

...HER SWEET SMILE....

....HER EYES SO CLEAR, LIKE DIAMONDS...

....HER DARK HAIR IN A NEAT BUN.....

.....HER EBONY SKIN...SO CLEAR AND FRESH.....

SHE WAS AN ANGEL,

....SENT FROM GOD.

....HER EYES ALL AGLOW......

....HER SMILE SO WARM.....

SHE WAS "MY SPECIAL ANGEL"........

....SENT TO ME FROM ABOVE.......

YES, GENIVIVE HEOLPED ME, AND ACTUALLY CHANGED MY LIFE....SHE LOOKED DEEPLY INTO MY EYES, AND TOLD ME SOME SPECIAL WORDS.......I WAS CRYING THE WHOLE TIME, AND TOLD HER, SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND...THAT THE ONE PERSON THAT CARED ABOUT ME, AND LOVED ME, MY HUSBAND , WAS IN PRISON.......SHE TOOK MY HAND, AND SOFTLY SAID, "YOU MUST GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM, AND WORK ON A PROJECT FOR ME. YOU MUST FOCUS YOUR THOUGHTS ON OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING A HARD TIME IN LIFE."...AND SO, I TRIED TO DO WHAT SHE SAID.....SHE WAS THE ONE PERSON I MET THAT WAS A GENUINE AND SINCERE PERSON...SHE WAS MY SPIRITUAL ANGEL....AND I CAN NEVER FORGET HER.......

Thursday, October 6, 2005

JIMMY STARTED HIS JOB ON TUESDAY....BUT HE MOST LIKELY STILL CAN'T COME HOME THIS WEEK, BECAUSE NOW IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT HE DIDN'T PAY HIS RESIDENTIAL FEES AT KINTOCK...WELL, THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS NOT WORKING, AND THERE IS A MIX-UP ABOUT HIS LAST PAYCHECK...I JUST DON'T KNOW....IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING....

JIMMY IS NOW WORKING AT THE OTHER STORE, WHICH IS A FEW MINUTES FROM KINTOCK....HOWEVER, HE HAS BEEN "DEMOTED," AND IS NOW WORKING IN THE "DELI DEPT," AMONGST THE CHEESE AND COLD-CUTS...NOTHING LIKE A HUSBAND WHO SMELLS OF LIVERWURST AND SWISS CHEESE....AND , OH YES, PICKLES!

WHEN HE WALKED INTO THE STORE TODAY, MR. P. HAD HUNG UP A SIGN ON THE DOOR, FOR "ASSISTANT MANAGER NEEDED ."....AS YOU CAN SEE, MR. P. IS A VERY SPITEFUL MAN........

WELL, JIMMY IS ENJOYING HIS NEW JOB....HE LIKES TALKING TO CUSTOMERS, ETC........."DELI WORK" FOR JIMMY IS VERY EASY WORK........."FRAN," HE SAID TO ME, "THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.".......YOU SEE, MY FRIENDS, JIMMY OWNED A FAMOUS DELICATESEN, AT ONE TIME........."THE NEW YORK DELI."........JIMMY LOVES OWNING AND MANAGING THINGS........THAT DELI WAS ONE OF MANY THINGS HE OWNED AND MANAGED......HOTELS, RESTAURANTS, STORES...YOU NAME IT, HE'S DONE IT........HE LOVES BEING A MANAGER...HE TELLS ME THAT ALL THE TIME....AND HIS PERSONALITY SUITES "MANAGEMANT."........AND AS FOR ME, I PERSONALLY HATE MANAGEMENT.....ALTHOUGH I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE IN " MANAGEMENT," COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, TEACHER'S COLLEGE, NEW YORK CITY, AND I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH SOME OF THE TOP MANAGER'S IN OUR COUNTRY..I EVEN GRADUATED WITH A 3.8 AVERAGE....AND WAS 15 CREDITS AWAY FROM A TEACHING DEGREE.......HOWEVER, TRUTHFULLY , I WAS NEVER SO HAPPY THE DAY I COULD RETIRE, AT THE AGE OF 48.......CARRYING A BRIEF CASE, AND WEARING HIGH HEELS , WELL, IT JUST WASN'T FOR ME..........I GLADLY HAVE TRADED THAT IN, AND PREFER TO BE MY OWN CREATIVE SELF.......JIMMY, WELL HE LOVES IT.(MANAGEMENT).......AND THAT'S FINE...I LOVE HAVING A HUSBAND LIKE THAT.....I COULD NEVER BE MARRIED TO, LET'S SAY, A CONSTRUCTION WORKER.............I WILL NEVER AGAIN WORK FOR A CORPORATION, AS I HAVE IN THE PAST...AND IF I EVER WORK AGAIN, IN MANAGEMENT, IT WILL BE TO "MANAGE" MY OWN BUSINESS........LET IT BE WRITTEN IN STONE...I WILL NEVER, EVER , WORK FOR MANAGEMENT AGAIN.......THE PEOPLEIN MANAGEMENT ARE UNDER HIGH STRESS, AND REALLY HAVE NO FUN IN LIFE :)

I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT JUST WHY A 50 YEAR OLD MAN, WHO HAS HIGH DEGREES OF EDUCATION, AND HAS WORKED HIS WHOLE LIFE, SINCE HE WAS 18 YEARS OLD OR SO, WOULD EVEN BE IN A "WORKING HALF-WAY HOUSE."....TO ME, "WORKING HALF-WAY HOUSES" ARE FOR YOUNG DELIQUENT BOYS, WHO HAVE NEVER WORKED IN THEIR LIVES...IT IS TO TEACH THOSE BOYS HOW TO GO ON A JOB INTERVIEW, MAKE A RESUME....HOW TO WORK ON A JOB...TO HELP THEM FIND A TRADE, OR SOMETHING THEY CAN DO, TO BE PRODUCTIVE CITIZENS IN OUR WORLD..............

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT..........TO ME, IT IS ALL SO BIZARRE..........

AND SO, LIFE GOES ON..........YESTERDAY, I PUT UP SOME OF THE DECORATIONS THAT JIMMY BROUGHT HERE FOR HALLOWEEN..........I WAS IN A BETTER MOOD YESTERDAY.......

I BOUGHT A WHITE MASK FOR JIMMY THAT "GLOWS IN THE DARK.".........HE CAN WEAR THAT TO BED , WHEN HE COMES HOME ON HIS FURLOUGH....HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE BEFORE 0CT. 31...............AS FOR MYSELF, I BOUGHT A WITCHES HAT WITH A GREEN FEATHER AROUND THE RIM, AND A WITCHES BROOMSTICK, WITH GREEN AND SILVER STREAMERS........I'LL JUST WEAR THE HAT AND BROOMSTICK, AND CALL MYSELF "THE NAKED WITCH."..........I LIKE IT THAT WAY............ :)

Sunday, October 2, 2005

TODAY WAS SUNDAY, AND JIMMY CALLED ME FROM KINTOCK SO MANY TIMES, I LOST COUNT.....OH...MY HUSBAND IS SO FUNNY....HE HAS ME LAUGHING ALL THE TIME......BOTH OF US LOVE TO LAUGH TOGETHER, VERY MUCH.....WE CAN BOTH TAKE A SERIOUS SUBJECT AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING FUNNY......JIMMY AND I FEED OFF OF EACH OTHERS HUMOR...THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT!....I AM NEVER QUIET, AND NEVER SAD WHEN MY JIMMY IS AROUND......LIFE IS ALWAYS MOVING AROUND US....IT'S KIND OF LIKE "ELECTRICITY."...I HAVE ONLY SEEN JIMMY SAD ONCE OR TWICE, AND WHEN HE IS, HE GETS VERY QUIET, AND WON'T TALK TO ANYONE, AND USUALLY WILL GO TO SLEEP....OTHERWISE, HE IS ALWAYS A HAPPY AND ENERGETIC PERSON......

JIMMY TOLD ME MANY TIMES ABOUT AFTER HE COMMITTED HIS CRIME, AND WAS ARRESTED.......HE SAT ON THE FLOOR IN HIS BAILBONDSMAN'S OFFICE, AND WAS VERY DISTRAUGHT.....HE WAS ALL ALONE......SOMETHING GAVE HIM STRENGTH TO CARRY ON....AND THEN I POPPED UP ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN, AND THE REST IS HISTORY!...TO ME, HE WAS ALWAYS A MOST WONDERFUL PERSON FROM THE START....AND HE KNEW HE HAD DONE WRONG, AND WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT......

WELL, SUGAR...THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND COMMENT.....IT'S A GOOD IDEA WHAT YOU SAID TO ME...I SHOULD DECORATE THE HOUSE AND SURPRISE HIM!.......JIMMY MENTIONED TO ME THAT HE WOULD LIKE US TO DRESS UP AS RAGGEDY ANN AND ANDY , FOR HALLOWEEN, SOMETIME.......OUR LAST YEAR IN LAS VEGAS, JIMMY ENJOYED GIVING OUT THE CANDY TO THE CHILDREN WHO CAME TO OUR DOOR..........I SAT THERE AND WATCHED HIM, AND HELD PRINCE, WHO WAS BARKING AT ALL THE TRICK OR TREATERS.......

Saturday, October 1, 2005

We are so happy that Jimmy got his job back, but he will be working in another store....and for that reason, Jimmy was not approved to come home this week-end, whereas he should have really had a 2 day week-end furlough home.........But as life has it, he could not come home. He feels that technically, and legally, he should really have been able to have had a furlough home this week-end. He said he should really file a "1983," but he will let it pass by....he just wants things to move ahead.........And yes, we are now into October........

Funny thing....I hardly ever look at the calender or clock anymore...Whatever day, time, or year it is, is ok with me.......Time and it's passage just doesn't phase me anymore.......I've had a lot of time to sit and think about this........the passage of time is just about meaningless.........Our society is built around clocks, calenders, schedules...and . oh yes, let us not forget about holidays, which are such an important part of our world..........I sit here alone, and think to myself, and have come to the conclusions that holidays are really silly things..........to me, holidays mean nothing...yes, such a scrooge I have become!...when Jimmy was home a few weeks ago, he brought along some Halloween decorations.......Jimmy loves to decorate and celebrate life......The decorations are sitting on the bookshelf, still in their package........I don't think I can face holidays again.......it is like an "evil thing," is once again approaching for me.......it is getting worse every year since Jimmy is gone.......I just can't "do it," ...a "holiday", that is, again...at least not now anyhow. But I put a smile on my face when Jimmy brought them home...I know he loves holidays, and I want him to be happy, and not disappointed, that I have grown to hate holidays...........Our last Christmas together, Jimmy had our house decorated beyond belief...lights inside...outside...white chistmas tree......everything........and everynight, we would sit on the coach, in the glow of the tree, and he would read me 1 chapter of a children's book, I had read at the age of 8 ...." The Little Princess.".......and I would fall asleep as Jimmy read to me......sometimes we were in bed as he read to me.....Jimmy always likes to keep our household traditional......he likes to keep up and make our own traditions........and we did for the 2 years that we lived together as husband and wife........and I hope it will go on, despite a 2 1/2 year lap.

The reason I married Jimmy is because he is simply a most wonderful man, and human being. He is loving, warm, gentle...very, very funny and humerous...he is caring, not only for his wife, but for all others...Jimmy is a very sensitive man...being his wife, I have seen the soft, snsitive side of him (although being in prison and a half-way house, he needs to be tough and may not want to dwell on being a soft-hearted person, while he is locked up with a bunch of criminals).

There are many aspects of my husband........One trait that I fell in love with was his intelligence.......Jimmy is highly intellectual. He also has the ability to speak with people on "their level."...It's just hard for me to explain...but I have seen it in Jimmy many times........It was a few months after I married Jimmy, when we were still in Vegas, and I heard him speaking to someone about business.....I was driving the car, through the desert, and I was amazed at what I heard...I looked at him..I said to myself, "my gosh....I married this man, and I don't think I even realized just how intelligent he was."

I love a very intelligent man....for me, it is a turn on......and I learn from him...he always teaches me about things...politics, goverment...science......the universe..............and oh yes, trivia..he remembers every important date that took place in our country and world......everything about every tv show, and movie, and movie stars.......I mean, he goes way back to "Leave it to Beaver!"........Jimmy tells me that as a young child, his parents sat him in front of a tv, instead of encouraging his very active and intelligent mind, to pursue activities that he would find intersting.....and so, he sat there, and memorized everything he saw on tv...from way back in the 50's......yes, that is my Jimmy...still a little boy at heart....Many times I laugh and say to Jimmy, "I was too young to remember that on Tv." (we are 2 years apart in age, mind you!)...He remembers everything........Nothing, I repeat, nothing , gets by Jimmy...he forgets nothing, and can recite things minute by minute as to what took place.

One very important thing about Jimmy is his love of law and legal issues....he is very knowledgable about law...he amazes me.......he can recite all those things that we studied, and then forgot about......like the Constitution, and anything else found in a history book........more than anything he loves our country, and has studied the laws, etc. of it.........Jimmy can recite the order of our Presidents......he can tell you about our presidents...and he is able to draw a sketch of each President, starting from George Washington.....The day of 911, he hung outside of our house a hugh flag...it was the biggest flag I ever saw!...Afterwards, a few neighbors followed suit.

And so you can see, the list of things that Jimmy talks to me about ,and teaches me, goes on and on.......I never lose interest in what Jimmy has to say....There is never a dull moment in our life....

Unfortunately, Jimmy is in prison....but that is all within God's plan, I guess you may say..........I don't look at it as a bad thing, but a lesson taught............It is too bad he committed that crime 7 months before I met him....otherwise, I know he would not have done what he did..........

And so, I'll say good-nite, and go to bed soon, thanking God that he put us together..........

As you can see, a lot of our relationship is built on "speech."...On communication....on talking to each other.......on trusting each other........And so, if you are a prison wife reading this, the best thing you can do for you husband or man, is talk with him, and keep up the lines of communication.....by letter, phone, and visits.........you've got to talk.............................................Nite! Fran

About Me

I HAVE BEEN AN RN FOR THE PAST 38 YEARS.HOWEVER, NOW I AM RETIRED, AFTER BECOMING LEGALLY BLIND IN 2002. MY HUSBAND WENT TO PRISON FOR 3.5 YEARS, on MARCH 28, 2003. HE HAS NOW BEEN HOME FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS.WE ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE.I MET JIMMY IN A CHAT ROOM IN 2001.HE FLEW OUT TO LAS VEGAS, WHERE I WAS LIVING AT THE TIME.WE GOT MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. HE TOLD ME FROM THE START THAT HE COMMITTED A CRIME AND MUST GO TO PRISON FOR IT..AFTER 1 YEAR , WE CAME BACK TO JERSEY.HE STAYED IN PRISON FOR 3.5 YEARS.I WAS ALL ALONE.I BECAME A RECLUSE.I TURNED TO MY JOURNAL FOR SUPPORT.A REPORTER FROM "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY," FOUND MY BLOG.HE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY IT I HAD A LARGE STORY PRINTED ABOuT NE AND MY BLOG, AND HOW IT WAS HELPING PEOPLE, IN THE SUNDAY "PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY".NOW, ALL THAT IS IN THE PAST.WE ARE VERY HAPPY!
READ MY JOURNAL,AND SEE HOW LIFE GOES ON!
AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE.IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU!.I WANT TO ENCOURAGE MY READERS, THAT BEING A PRISON WIFE IS NOT THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD, AND YOU CAN CONTINUE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!!!!