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With a complete and utter lack of organisation throughout, I thought this went pretty well. Why? on Thursday was a nice start, Maps was brilliant (if I say so myself), and last night nearly killed me. Also going to Hamley's with Brusma and Sheeldz this morning and eating a potato salad sandwich finished the whole weekend off very nicely. Everyone was super lovely and really cool :D
...0/10 marks to Xylopwn for his inappropriate use of air quotes.

I have a bleeding toe. Xylopwn has a bleeding tongue. On buchanan street this afternoon, a man vomitted blodd-stained mucous towards a bin (uish) and it nearly hit tomatron. All in all, a very Glasgow experience. I am now in preston trying to find platform 3c. A small child bigot kicked me earlier and then patted my hand and gave me maltesers. I now need to go out to a birthday party in an hour. I've left my keys at my parents' house, so I need to borrow a friend's sofa. I'm terrified at some of lasyt night's pictures. Other than that, all's good.

I honestly don't really know what foods are carbs and what aren't. I know there's fat but I don't really know what's fatty aside from spreads and butters and meat (which I don't eat anyway). To me it's a food and if it's tasty you EAT IT and if it isn't you spit it out and make a noise that sounds like 'AUGH!'.

Otherwise why does it matter? You're going to get your five a day having your lunch and dinner plus some fruit snacks anyway... Why does anyone care what food types anything is? Surely your natural desire not to eat the same thing over and over again will mean you'll eat lots of different stuff?

Thursday was ace. Too many drinks with medulla left me fuzzy headed.
Friday was ace. Tomatron only marginally managed to not get us lost and peevee/ghopo/comandercool's djing brought the party hard. can't believe craig foley is so tall. and dukebox scarpered before i could explain my overly long hug.
i woke to eggy bread and peevee leaving for work. oh how we were all smug. a burger king in the shittiest queue ever later, i was back in glasgow. a few random texts followed and suddenly we were downing shots of jager with xylopwn ouef, theWZA and the rest of us all deciding what pet we should get. drinking ensued. a MILLION POUND taxi ride home was fine. i chipped my tooth.
hamleys rightly rounded the weekend off with brusma and ghostpony staring amazed at the 20ft high plush giraffe and the wee lighting magic trick. good sandwich and tea combo.

all of you are amazing. need to meat you people more often i think. 100000000/10

It was gr8, lovely to meet sheeldz and tomatron. Tomatron gave me a chinese burn and was generally a massive bully and he was lucky i didn't get james to rape him in the middle of the night. I felt baaaaad at work on saturday :((( i wish i'd been able to come to glasgow for some hair of the dog, maybe next time!
Sorry for not playing Screamager. You loved Tina Turner. LOVED IT.

Why? on Thursday was awesome, especially as Sheeldz and Medulla are super nice :D and ghostpony was nice too which I hadn't expected but then I realised that I had been getting her mixed up with whiterussian :'''D

Also Yoni Wolf looks like Tobias Funke

Maps was brill but I felt a bit rank and had a can of generic energy drink on the way and it set me on edge and then I got WAY TOO DRUNK. But it might just have been that being close to Craig Foley is intoxicating in itself.

Felt DREADFUL on Saturday, but starting the night with a shot of jager turned out to be a great idea. It was super fun timez etc.

Highlights:
Medulla and TheWza both approaching people who were not me to ask them if they were me
Crab picture
OH OH
Commandercool's change record / dance for 3 mins / change record style of DJing
Sheeldz getting mad at overpronunciation of the 'Z'
TheWza giving a treatise on why 'the internet' is not a thing
TheWza apparently forgetting how gravity works when unloading drinks from a tray

Lowlights
Everyone being dead nice and fun and there was nobody to really hate on
Medulla telling me about rape videos and that he wanted to fist me
Xylopwn not managing to throw Oeuf through Sleazy's ceiling
Commandercool being a FUCKING VEGETARIAN CUNT
Jumpstyle
The guy who did a sick next to my feet

I showed up with Oeuf a little late - we had been hangin pretty fierce from the night before and were being a bit sluggish in leaving the hotel - but still had enough time to have Odd Fun Stuff happen.

TheWza is NOT an old lecturer-style man with a big beard, stripey scarf and panama hat. This was actually a massive shock. He also won/lost points immediately by asking "You're looking a bit down, Rob..." >:-( He also tipped red wine down my jeans, which was unexpected, and ALSO proceeded to execute a worrying half-rugby-tackle in my crotchal/leg area. Actually, that was pretty nice. He also gave me a lapdance, and yes, TOM, I'M AWARE YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF SAID INCIDENT. Worth it.

Sheeldz *does* look a bit like an awesome lecturer, although he was not wearing tweed which made me sad. He was also the Finest Dancer of the night, and was able to materialize in most photos, normally by thrusting his face camera-wards at the last second. He also had the best beard of all of us - I was kind of annoyed that I hadn't grown mine to match it.

Ghostpony is not Scottish. She maintains that she has said this a lot previously, but I am sceptical. She looks a bit like Kate Nash, in a good way, and instead of a Scottish lilt has a well-spoken voice that was built for effective put downs. She also gave me the finger a lot, not in a good way :-(, at one point using her middle finger to insinuate a 'cut throat' gesture. I am pretty sure she thinks I'm awesome. I also like that the fact that she is the only person who gurns more than me in photos.

I have not, I don't think, said a single word to Medulla on the boards, so it was all the nicer to find out that he was a startlingly friendly guy, despite definitely coming across as perhaps the one guy who can handle himself in a fight out of all of us. He was also permanently relaxed, and explained why early into the night - his life is about to get annoyingly good it would seem.

alright not there then. But definitely a stone-cold ladies man. Tom also had a calculator watch, but pretended that it wasn't a big deal. It was clearly a big deal. I was worried he was going to bow out early as he'd been hangin' proper from the previous night, but he pulled through.

Oeuf and I held it together, MAYBE getting a bit smashed, and were saved by an amazing chips+meat+cheese+mayo+ketchup.

I had a fantastic night, and it was also a good introduction to Scotland. The next day, I had haggis, neaps and tatties, saw a pub/chihuaha cross, and saw a man throw up next to a bin, nonchalnantly.

but somehow lost all idea of physics, completely forgetting that removing one from the edge of the tray would unbalance the entire operation. What made it bizarre was the calm, oblivious nature in taking one of them off.

There were drinks at either end of the tray. TheWza was holding the tray on the underneath, at the middle. He removed a drink from one end, and, the other end being heavier all of a sudden, the tray overbalanced and the drinks went everywhere. There was no slipping, merely overturning.

I helped you remove some drinks from a tray (I thnk we were still in the 13th note at this point). I was removing them from opposite ends of teh tray so as to keep it balanced. Youw ere looking on seemingly mesmerized by my skills. Then I can't remember whjat happened.

The red wine thingy was in sleazys and I don't know what happened, but it was a good thing because it was rocket fuel.

What happened to the picture of me sucking, ahem, you know, Tom, did you delete it, pretty please? :-D