newbie, first off it's not ok. The lifestyle requries openness and honesty. Neither my wife or I have sexual encounters without the other one participating. The lifestyle also requires a lot of discussion between a couple that is involved and if one is not comfortable the other should not go out on their own with anybody for any reason. If one were to do that it would betray the trust required for things to work, meaning life in general too.

realnplano makes some good points also. All I can say is now I have to go put my socks back on, smiles.

Randy bye for now bi forever

Boyertown PA

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Your husband trusted you enough to tell you he was bi. I must tell you it seems he does love you enough to be honest and forth coming. Has he cheated on you in the past? Has he given you reason he will cheat now? If the answer is no...then maybe your still in shock that he has told you he is bi.

If you know he loves you and you love him then just relax. You both need to sit down and openly discuss each others feelings. This lifestyle requires that your are open with your mate. Just being a couple requires honesty! If you love one another it will work out....:)

Arecibo PR

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First there is NO difference just because someone is Bi. EVERY str8 man and every str8 woman has urges/attraction toward other sex/gender...yet not all act on them. Using bisexuality as an excuse to effectively "cheat" on a partner is rude and disrespectful. BUT.......Are you guys already experienced swingers?? It appears to us that this is a swinging issue at heart and NOT a bisexual experimentation/experience.

Basicly every swinger asks the question "Will my significant other find someone else and leave me?" At the core is basicly Insecurity. People are afraid that if others are allowed to experience the previously exclusive sexual bond between just 2 people that their relationship means nothing. How untrue! The selflessness of shared sexuality creates a tighter bond than many ever experience. If you guys ARE experienced swingers and already dealt with that issue successfully yet you are unwilling to allow him to explore his Bi side while swinging then sue and I would say its really a homophobic issue you'd need to address and not one of monogamy!

Palmerton PA

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full monogomy would be very difficult to pull off if you weren't part of the swing world. those urges towards other men will always be there and it is just a matter of time before you give in to your urges. when you are bi, you need to be open about it with your partner.

Riverside CA

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When I first told my current girlfriend I explained it as this when she had the same worries. "I enjoy women primarily and I can stay monogamous and not sleep with other women so why would I have a problem cheating with a man?" Cheating is cheating no matter with who. When you make a choice to be in a relationship with someone then you have to be honest about what you are capable of. We have been spending lots of time with just us, to solidify our relationship and to TALK about everything regarding possibly getting into the lifestyle that I was so prevalent in before we met. We've watched some bi porn to show her what it actually looks like (granted they are actors but the mechanics are the same) to see if it interests her and such. The key is to talk openly about everything and don't rush anything. You guys need to do what you are BOTH comfortable with WHEN you are both comfortable with it.

Sacramento CA

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Newbie, Of course it is possible for a bi man to stay monogamous to one woman. Everyone who has ever been involved with another person has had to make some compromises for the good of the relationship, and this is no different. That said, I think you might be trying to resolve your issues much too quickly and feel a panic where there is no need. You have the rest of your life to work on any issues you have with your partner, including his bi sexual feelings. I'd say both of you take a deep breath, slow down, and spend some time talking to each other about how you truely feel and what you each want. I'll bet there is penty of room for compromise and perhaps careful experimentation that you can both be comfortable with. Good luck!

Lynchburg VA

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TOPIC: let me hear from the bi men

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