The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 7 July 2012

Is The Hosepipe Ban Over Yet?

The Tory plan to hold the British people hostage and make them watch the Olympics whether they want to or not has gone spectacularly wrong as the country disappears into the North Sea under the onslaught from the summer monsoon. Although the European football was always doomed to be a disappointment, with Andy Murray in the men's final at Wimbledon during Diamond Jubilee year and the usual excitement surrounding the British Grand Prix, the Tories should have it made with diversions that any political party would die for. Unfortunately it has all gone pear-shaped as England left the European Cup in the usual penalty shoot-out, the Jubilee celebrations became a very damp squib, Andy Murray has been forced to play under a roof and the Grand Prix has become an exercise in aqua-planing. Now the Tories are regretting making foreign holidays out of reach for most of us as those with no interest in pointless sporting-fests are forced indoors and switch to news channels out of sheer boredom. Worse yet, as far as the water companies are concerned, the proof that this island can never be seriously considered to be in a drought is now being beamed directly into our front rooms. What will come next from these greedy utility companies - accusations that we are stealing their water by selfishly storing it in our back gardens and living rooms?