When To Kiss Your Date

I desperately need your advice regarding how to deal with a woman who seems to be out of touch with how a well-mannered man should behave on the first few dates. Let me give you the short version of the story.

I'm a twenty-eight-year-old man fresh out of a long-term relationship and new to the dating game. I recently met a woman — let's call her Jennifer — a twenty-nine-year-old nurse, through a mutual friend.

After an interesting conversation, I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out for a drink. Since then, we've gone out on five dates. I invited her for the first three dates, and she followed through with the invitation for the other two.

Overall, the evenings went very well. I received all the positive buying signals, and we both enjoyed each other's company. So then, what's the problem? you might ask.

i turned her off

Well after five dates, I still have not kissed or even tried kissing Jennifer, even though it was literally the only thing on my mind. Finally, by the end of our last date, I felt that "loving feeling" while looking into her eyes. I thought to myself, this is it, we're finally going to kiss, when out of the blue, my conscience popped in.

I wanted to kiss her, but I assumed she'd feel uncomfortable or that I'd make her think that — like all the other men — sex was the only thing on my mind. So I leaned forward and asked if I could kiss her.

I think I offended her because she got all angry and said, "You should not have asked me, you should know if I want you to kiss me or not. It is so unromantic to ask, and I find myself less attracted to you."

Now that's a lot to swallow, but I'm not holding a grudge. Curt, how can I make her see that my actions were perfectly normal and gentlemanly?

- Salivating Steve

false assumptions

I'm sorry to say that I have to take Jennifer's side on this one because she makes a good point. Steve completely killed the mood by leaning forward and asking Jennifer for permission to kiss her (nice guy syndrome). Steve made the ultimate mistake that most nice men make.

He assumed that a perfect angel-like "good girl" is totally repulsed by any physical contact unless she invites it (or if there is an engagement ring on her finger).

Most men still live in the magical world of Mary Poppins, where a man is expected to conduct himself like a perfect gentleman. Steve was afraid to come across as the typical "bad boy" (what women really want), who selfishly tries to kiss a woman without her permission.

Instead, he chose to behave like a nice guy and asked her for permission. Just the thought sounds pathetic. Then we wonder why nice guys finish last?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Assumptions are the mother of all screwups." If a woman is on a fifth date, this usually means that she is attracted to her suitor and aching for her lips to touch his.