Category: Awesome Customers

(I am a new Uber driver, working my first Saturday with a full student population of 44,000 back from Christmas break with two home games. It’s been a hectic but pleasant afternoon when I pick up a woman catching the Megabus to Washington, DC, about a six to eight-hour ride. I have to drive through post-game traffic (which takes about 20 minutes), and during the ride she asked me to stop at a local restaurant to buy a snack for the trip.)

Me: “I’ve never been to [Restaurant], but have heard great things about it.”

Passenger: “Oh, it’s got really good crostini, paninis, and tramezzini. They have this amazing crostini with goat cheese, honey, and pepper.”

Me: “Sounds like a tasty combo. What’s a crostini?”

Passenger: “A small piece of toast with good stuff on top.”

Me: “Well, we’re about five minutes away. Maybe you should make a pickup call so you can make your bus.”

Passenger: “I’ll have to make it quick.”

(She calls the restaurant and is put on hold for several minutes, then orders what seems like a lot of food; by this time we are almost there.)

Passenger: “This could take a while. If you need to go park around the corner, I can find you.”

(I get a call from a customer about computer text-sizes. I can hear from the user’s voice that he was getting on a bit, and notice in the ‘notes’ section that the customer is semi-retired and not very computer-savvy. After I have explained:)

Caller: “Oh! I think I understand. I’ve not changed the text size, but I’m on my old laptop; the new one is in for repair. I’m just doing this for my son while he’s on holiday, and I’m more comfortable on the sofa. Give me a moment; I’ll just try plugging it into the TV…”

(At first I think he meant an external monitor, but as he fiddled around with the cables he explained he’d bought this particular TV for the range of different connectors it had, so the great-grandchildren could bring round their game consoles and he could watch his blu-ray discs from the laptop that was in for repair. He was rather scathing about the staff in the electronics shop who’d not listened to what he wanted and tried to sell him a much simpler model with big buttons on top.)

Caller: “Right, I’ll just get the RDP session back up… Oh, yes, that’s better. All the buttons are showing now.”

Me: “Great. So, did you need help with the new process?”

Caller: “No, the instructions are pretty clear. It’s good to not have all that mucking around printing things any more. Here’s hoping I can get the wireless keyboard and mouse to work with this old thing. I don’t want to be sitting on the floor. It’ll make my arthritis play up and I’ve got a class this afternoon!”

Me: “Oh, what are you doing?”

Caller: “I teach computers for senior citizens at the local college. They didn’t want to let me do it at first, said I’m too old, but I said to them, who better to understand how to explain things to pensioners than another pensioner! Who else really understands what sort of things we want to be doing? And the students can’t say they’re too old to understand when the teacher’s 96, can they? Though some people you just can’t help. Like my son; I expect he calls you a lot.”

(Every time I get a customer who says they’re too old to learn computers, I tell them about this man…)

(Usually when the drive-thru gets busy we send an order-taker outside with a tablet to get orders in faster. Around winter time, the temperature drops lower than Californians are used to and on one particular day, it drops below 50°F. They send me out to take orders and I think it isn’t that cold so I just have my short sleeve uniform shirt and pants.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m okay, but isn’t it really cold for you?”

Me: “I’m actually not that cold. What can I get for you today?”

(I take her order, give her the total, and direct her to the first window for payment.)

Me: “All right, have a great day!”

Customer: “You, too! Are you sure you aren’t cold? You can take my jacket!”

Me: “Oh, no, please don’t. I’m fine! Thank you anyway!”

(A few minutes later, I see my manager walk outside towards me with a jacket.)

Manager: “Some lady in the drive thru demanded that I give you a jacket and said it was abuse for making you take orders outside.”

Me: “She tried to give me her own, too. At least she cares more than some of the other customers here.”

(I work two jobs in the same mall, a very large shopping center whose customers are almost always extremely rich. I have just ordered a drink at one of our coffee shops and am waiting for it. I’m unusually kind to the employees because I know from experience that their job sucks. There’s an uppity rich lady waiting for her drink too.)

Barista: “White mocha frap!”

Customer #1:*picks it up and shakes it angrily at the barista* “Is this a caramel frappucino? I didn’t order this! Why didn’t you get my order right?”

Customer #2: “Sorry, that’s mine!” *takes the cup*

(Customer #1 does this with two more cups. The barista’s being patient, but I’d had it.)

Me: “Lady, will you calm your t**s? I’m looking over the counter. Look, he’s making your drink right now.”

Customer #1:*sarcastic* “Oh, I’m sorry! Are you [Coffee Company]’s stockholder? Are you their business agent?”

Me: “No, I work in retail and I deal with b****’s like you all day, and since he doesn’t get to yell at you, I’ll do his share. Shut up already! There are other customers besides you.”

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I have been waiting here for forty-five minutes—”

Me: “Oh, bull-s***. I’ve never waited more than three minutes here for a drink even at their busiest, and I’ve seen all of five customers besides you today. Look, when you work for a living instead of just spending all of your husband’s money on s*** you don’t need, THEN you can yell at this guy. Until then, do us a favor and shut up!”

(She proceeds to screech unintelligibly at me for half a minute, until suddenly her drink shows up. She then tramps off with her bags. When my drink is called, I am confused to see a large instead of a medium cup.)