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Jabroni of the Week: David Robertson

An injury-free spring training took a turn for the worse for the Yankees as All-Star setup man David Robertson injured his foot Wednesday and is slated for a battery of tests. No, he didn’t injure it during a game or doing drills. While taking a box out for recycling, Captain Planet slipped, missed a step, and now may be out an extended period of time.

Robertson was lights-out last year. He was the best setup guy in the game and his ERA was 1.08. For comparison, Mariano’s was 1.91. In a season where the Bombers’ starting and relief pitching was hit hard by injuries and inconsistency, he was the one dependable player on the staff. Now, he might be out for months because he’s a fucking boy scout.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Nowhere do I see the word reliever. Why is anyone on the Yankees doing their own chores? The Steinbrenners have money coming out of their ass and they can’t spring for a housekeeper? Tampa is the strip club capital of the world. I’m sure there are a few out of work strippers who wouldn’t mind helping out the Yanks for spring training. Or maybe we can get A.J. back from the Pirates and he can be our designated chore boy.

The thing that worries me is that injuries usually come in bunches. This better not turn into an epidemic. The last thing I need to see is “Curtis Granderson out 4-6 weeks washing dishes” or “Robinson Cano out rest of the season doing laundry.” Although I could see A-Rod injuring himself wrestling with some amazon chick or whatever the fuck he does. I swear if the 2012 Yankees turn into the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team, I will not renew my 9-game discount ticket plan.

Dave, baby, I appreciate you trying to help the environment, but we’re not paying you to do chores. You are in charge of getting out of jams and making sure Mo gets the ball in the 9th inning with the lead. You could dump all your garbage in front of my apartment for all I care as long as we beat the Red Sox. Who cares about pollution when you got that Championship ring? Get a housekeeper to clean up around the house. That’s the Yankee way. Spend your way out of problems. Either that, or we might have to turn you into a bubble boy. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.