The purpose of this blog is to provide a holding, attuned, and provocative space for the mysteries of your heart to unfold. All of you is welcome here, in all of your glory - the painful, the joyous, the heartbroken, and the weary. The invitation is to see your entire life as an expression of high-voltage, creative guidance, and for you to offer yourself to the endless and infinite dimension of love that is emerging within and around you right now.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Emissaries of the sacred world

I am often asked how to make contact with the shadow,
with those disowned and abandoned aspects of ourselves that we have lost touch
with. At times, we sense that they are so near, but it can feel as if they are
coming at us from the outside. As we practice turning back toward them, however
– holding them as orphaned pieces of our own hearts – we discover that they are
special emissaries of the sacred world, filled with energy and information for
the journey ahead.

If we are not able to be in a conscious and kind
relationship with these parts, they will express themselves unconsciously – as
symptoms, emotions, feelings, bodily sensations, and as the vivid display of
the “others” that come into our lives. They will take form in infinite ways,
even as the colors in the sky, as the trees, as the wind, longing to find you
and be re-integrated into the vastness. They will not give up. They love you
too much to do that.

There are a number of ways of accessing this material.
One of the most revealing is by asking yourself who in your life triggers you
the most? Who is it that, just by being themselves, pushes your buttons,
catalyzes an eruption of rage, annoys you, irritates you, and leaves you
fuming?

Once you identify this person, you can then look
carefully – slowly, gently, and with a new sort of self-kindness and curiosity
– and see what it is about them that triggers you so intensely. Specifically,
what qualities in them activate and hook you into that burning, claustrophobic,
seething discomfort?

One of the really creative things about the psyche is
that we tend to attract others into our lives who embody exactly those
qualities that we have disowned in ourselves. How annoying. How amazing.

Those qualities that repulse, trigger, or hook you are
representatives of those parts that you have sequestered into the shadow, that
you have left outside the door of your heart, and to this day actively (though
unconsciously) keep out of awareness through avoidant activity of all kinds.
From this perspective, anxiety (or groundlessness) is the warning or heads up
(mindfulness bell) that material which is usually kept unconscious is longing
to erupt into conscious awareness. Not to work against you, but to remind you
of how whole you are. And of how alive it is here.

You can count on those around you to relentlessly remind
you of what you have disowned in yourself, if you keep your eyes and your heart
open, and make the commitment to know what is true more than anything. More
than feeling good, more than appearing spiritual, more than being “awakened”
and invulnerable, more than being happy all the time, and more than needing to
keep up the appearance that you always have it all together.

You can make a commitment that each time you find
yourself irritated, annoyed, triggered, inflamed, and all hot and bothered that
you will stay close. You will get really curious and not abandon yourself. And
that with calm, regulated, attuned presence you will cut into billions of
moments of fight-flight abandonment of the unbearably creative field of the
here and now.

Yes, it can be so fucking annoying. But these are your
true teachers, pure wisdom guides sent from beyond, to remind you of wholeness.
To serve as your tour guide into the sacred world. And for this they are worthy
of honor and gratitude. How irritating. How utterly precious. How very human.

There is never an end to the path of the heart. There is
no final, safe landing place, no mythical fairytale of “awakening,” no
completion, no resolution. Only endless unfolding. Your heart is endless. There
is nothing any more sacred than that.

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About Me

I am a psychotherapist, author, and teacher, working with individuals and groups worldwide. My latest book, The Path is Everywhere, will be available in June 2017. To learn more about me and my work, please visit my website.

I have a PhD in psychology, where my research interests included
contemporary psychodynamic/ relational theory as well as mindfulness-based, contemplative approaches to psychological healing and spiritual transformation. I have long been interested in the dialogue
between Western, developmental and meditative methods of
inquiry and practice.

I worked in the publishing field for over 24 years, most recently Director of Professional Studies for Sounds True, where I organized online training for mental health professionals seeking to deepen their practice in areas such as attachment, trauma, neuroscience, and mindfulness.