Reader's Dilemma: I Want To Meet Boys But I'm Shy

We recently received an email from a loyal Smitten reader who is experiencing major angst in the form of a dating dilemma. She is young, single, awesome (my add) and she's wondering if she should go online to meet guys. I say, because she is 18, heeeellls no. But first, her dilemma...

We recently received an email from a loyal Smitten reader who is experiencing major angst in the form of a dating dilemma. She is young, single, awesome (my add) and she's wondering if she should go online to meet guys. I say, because she is 18, heeeellls no. But first, her dilemma...

She writes:

I am 18 years old. I have never been on a date and have never been kissed. And frankly, I'm getting tired of it. I know that I should try to get out and meet more people, but I'm very shy. It doesn't help that all of the guys I like turn out to be gay or already in a relationship. I found out yesterday that a guy friend who I had been flirting with (pretty shamelessly) has a girlfriend. Luckily, he never caught on that I liked him. I'm glad I got the practice flirting, but I'm kind of fed up with the whole process. Am I too young to try online dating? I don't need to meet my soul mate right now, I'd just like to get out in the field.

And here's what I think:

First, I feel your frustration. And the worst thing I can—but must—say is: Patience. Nothing in life will come when you want it—the job promotion, boyfriend, new car, feeling settled, having all the answers, babies, etc. Everything takes soooo freaking loooong.

Still. Let's get started.

It's hard to meet guys when you're 18 and shy. You're not old enough to go to bars (legally) or go to work at a male-heavy consulting firm or hedge fund. But you do have options.

Consider volunteering at a local non-profit theater organization to do backstage crew. It's dark in the wings, you can blend in because you have to wear black, you don't have to talk, and it's always guy-heavy.

If you live near a good beach, sign up for surf P.E. class. That's mostly guys (at least it was when I was in high school), and no one talks in the ocean.

Or take wood shop. I did because Driver's Ed was full. I was the only girl in a class of 30—I had a bunch of hot surfers doing all my work on the machines for me.

Be the equipment or ball girl on a (college) boys' sports team.

Search for some kind of boot camp, volunteer campaign, or part-time job that you could do.

If you're about to go to college, you're on the brink of meeting hoards of guys your age. Just don't get a secluded apartment off-campus. Do the dorm thing, as you'll always be surrounded. Hopefully you're placed on a co-ed floor—leave your door open and play cool music. On a single co-ed floor or wing, the boys will wander and cruise for chicks, but they won't go up or down to an all-girls floor. Cross your fingers you're not assigned to a tower.

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I would wait a few years before signing up for online dating. There are a lot of shady and/or selfish characters out there, and it's crucial to be able to recognize them on deadline (e.g. before you meet in person, or before you go back to his place, or before things get serious). Often the sensibility, or the ability to pinpoint questionable behavior doesn't come until after a few (or many) years of dating.

But seriously: I feel your frustration. I was 18 about 14 years ago, and I may or may not be any closer to finding my soul mate. So brace yourself for a (possibly) long road. I promise you it will be worth it, and I know this because I would rather be 32 (my age) than 18. Trust me: you're in store for life-changing love, learning, and many wonderful things! I'm excited for you!

What would you tell our reader? Are you 18 and shy? What has worked for you? What's the youngest age a person should do online dating?