Monday, January 16, 2012

My rays of Sunshine

I came across this picture on my phone, that I took back in the summer, in South Carolina. I thought it was just so beautiful and I had to snap a picture, even if it was just with my phone.

My mind went on a bit of a poetic path, if you will, coming across that picture now, considering what I was dealing with last night. Looking at those parted clouds with the beautiful rays of sunshine, shining through, kind of gives me a peaceful feeling. It makes me happy.

Yesterday evening when some dark clouds were moving over me, my rays of sunshine came through to bring me some peace.

Now, before people start wondering if I'm smoking something here... I'll explain. I'll try not make this semi brief (but it'll still be long I'm sure). I'd rather not give any more satisfaction to some people.

My choice to be open about the fact that we have some debt (that we are positively working on) and openly talking about little financial concerns that have come up in the past, like needing a bigger van when we found out we were pregnant for Declan, was used to shame me. I had a little freak-out about the van thing. I was worried. We figured it all out. We pay every one of our bills, we do not receive any assistance, we have a roof over our heads, we have healthy food in our home and our children have all of what they need and much of what they want. We are taking the right steps to move in a positive direction to get out of debt. We have a plan, so yes, sometimes when something comes up that puts a kink in the plan, I get a little worried. I'm a worrier, that's who I am. We save for things so we aren't using credit and adding to the debt (like the table situation for the kids where I was irritated that the price went up right as I was ready to buy it and some amazing online friends helped out.) I am honest about our situation because I don't want to pretend I am something I'm not. We're making it, we're ok... we just don't have lots of money to blow. Do we have to plan and be smart about things? Yes. We aren't so comfortable that we can be care free and not plan, but we are taking care of what has to be taken care of. Our children are well provided for and we will ensure that any future children we may have, are well provided for as well.

Anyway, I'll continue... I commented on a friend's ultrasound picture on facebook, about wanting another baby. Someone who I only know because of a military message board and mutual friends, (who I had unfriended a while back because she only ever commented on something of mine to be negative) decided to take the opportunity to publicly attack/shame me via comments on this photo. Rather than quote, I'll just say, the gist of what was said is that she can't believe I am talking about wanting another baby when I can't afford the children i have... *insert record screeching halt*. Nope, I've never said that, because it's not true. I corrected her and she said I complain about it all of the time and I'm not responsible about choosing to have my children. That is untrue, but whatever. This conversation was not one to be had on a mutual friend's ultrasound photo. In fact, it wasn't one to be had at all, because 1. I unfriended her so that I did not have to have any contact with her. 2. It's false and 3. It's none of her damn business. After a little while I decided that blocking her was the best decision. Because I blocked her, her friend (who I thought was a friend of mine) posted a very long-winded comment on my wall about how we can't afford our kids, we aren't going to be able to take care of them as they get older and how we're irresponsible etc. All while throwing specific things, like the van situation (which was more than a year ago and we handled on our own) out there to support her claims. Someone else who barely even knows who I am, chimed in, in agreement. Basically, we can't afford our kids and we don't have the right to have another because we aren't caring for them properly and we're irresponsible.

All in all, it was down right mean, entirely unwarranted and completely unsolicited. There was more, but I don't feel the need to really keep going with it. It was a perfect example of 40-something year old "mean girls". They had their facts wrong and twisted my situation to fit their attack. All of it was done under the veil of "Well, you put it out there...". Thanks, but I didn't ask.

So, here is some clarity. We can afford our children, We DO think and act responsibly when considering another. We DO have a plan for the future. Do we run into some hiccups now and then? Yes. We're human and we aren't wealthy.One final thought on this. You aren't paying my bills, we are, and they are ALL paid. We're not on any type of welfare or assistance whatsoever. We have a roof over our heads (and we own a home in SC) We have 2 reliable vehicles, one big enough for my whole family, plus some. We not only put food on the table, but we put HEALTHY food on the table for our children each day. Our children are well taken care of and incredibly loved. What it comes down to is this. What I do with my uterus and my checkbook is absolutely none of your damn business.

I should not have even had to explain myself and I will not again.

Some wonderful friends came to me both privately and publicly, supporting me. The people who really know me, know just how false the things they were saying are. They know that I think of my children first in every single thing I do. I was feeling quite beaten down and I appreciate each and every one of them. Thank you all for being my rays of Sunshine when I needed it.

This is not here for debate and I expect anyone who feels the need to attack me, to just hit that red X at the top right corner and leave. Any attacks on here will be deleted and I will disable comments if necessary.

5 comments:

Good for you! Don't let a bunch of unhappy trolls project their own uncertainty and inadequacies onto you. Too many people feel the need to tear others down so they can feel better about themselves. It's a lot easier trying to knock someone else down than to climb yourself, but in the end, knocking others down doesn't actually move you up.

:) You're right. This is still bothering me, because I don't know who I can and cannot trust. But I do have a handful of good people in my life who rushed in to hold me up when I momentarily had the wind knocked out of me.

Ugh! Facebook drama. Before Facebook was the "thing" I had problems with my own roommates, people I was living with, talking about a storm about me negatively. They went so far as to create an, "Allison is a C***" myspace group. Needless to say probably, I deleted my Myspace. They did delete the group afterward and I don't talk to them anymore. I've never signed up for Facebook for that very reason. Twitter is my outlet, where no one I know from high school seeks to continue the torment, haha!

I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap, people should mind their own business. I respect you for taking on the task or raising a large family, something that intimidates me. We need more critical thinkers in the world.

You may delete this but I gotta be me. Fuck people. Fuck them and their need to get involved in things they have no business being in, especially the ones that are guilty of what they accuse others of doing.

Keep on doing your thing!

P.S. I do worry about you guys being able to provide for the kids when they get to be teens (I was expensive) but I KNOW you guys will figure it out and do it in style.

TBI

Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness Matters!

OrganizedChaosBlogs@gmail.com

*The two who started it all*

Hello There! My name is Sarah and I am the wife and full time Caregiver to my Disabled Veteran husband Tony. We have 6 awesome children together. After my husband's last brain injury in 2014, our life was flipped upside down and we have been rebuilding within our new normal ever since. Tony's TBI has left him fully disabled with a long list of brain injury related conditions and his 18 years of military service has left him with several more, including PTSD. Follow us on our journey, ride this roller coaster with us and maybe learn some things along the way!