5 Answers

You can tell your siblings correctly that your mother will benefit from their attention and their company, even if - and it sounds as though they're telling themselves "oh, she won't know who we are, it's a waste of time visiting her" - she is losing orientation in time, and no longer seems sure of who is who. She'll still know, somewhere in her mind, that these are people who love her and care about her. She'll still benefit. She'll still get stimulation from their visits, which will enrich her quality of life.

So by all means *encourage* them to go, and create opportunities ("let's have lunch, then pop in to see mother," that kind of thing) and suggest dates. But do it cheerfully, and let them make their free choice, and above all do not feel responsible for them. What they choose to do and whether or not they come to regret their choices, are not your problem.

thank u all for ur info!!! I am sooo excited that someone heard me. I have 2 sisters & a brother who has been her favorite 'mommas boy' for over 50 yrs.there r 11 grandkids also. most of em live far away but my siblings live insane area as where Mom is. I know its very hard for em to c mom like this but i feel like i am 'Mom' now & I have to tell em to go c her now, 1 day she won't b here & they will? not 4 give themselves 4 not spending every second I can with her.Am I wrong? I don't try to get em to c her for their sakes but even more so Mom can c them & 4 her to b HAPPY & she deserves ANYTHING she WANTS

I think different kinds of dementia include different kinds of memory issues, and even two people with the same kind of dementia don't experience it the same way.

In Alzheimer's I think people do regress to periods in their past. They think they are a young parent or a school child. That is not at all common in Lewy Body Dementia. My husband (LBD) would talk about his childhood but it was always as a memory, not as if he were living it. My mother (dementia type unknown) couldn't remember her past. "Did you churn butter when you were a child?" "Well, I suppose we did. Everyone did back then, you know." She didn't remember being a mother of young children, but she loved hearing stories about that time.

I went to a meeting of caregivers of persons with Lewy Body Dementia tonight, and the question of "How long will my loved one recognize me?" came up. No one had experience of their loved one not recognizing them -- even those caregivers whose loved one had died. But losing the ability to recognize familiar people happens a lot in other kinds of dementia.

You'll just have to judge for yourself what your loved one is experiencing when talking about the past. And wait and see if they stop recognizing you.

My mother has dementia and talks about her young days a lot. She is still in the present, but she puts on a little girl-like voice when she is talking. It is kind of strange, like being out of phase. I would like to listen, but I have to admit that my mother's childhood was about the most boring thing I've ever heard. She tells many of the same stories over again, so I can almost say them word for word. There's no harm in it, though. I just find myself getting a bit irritable after a while.

Very interesting question. It is common for an older person to talk about their youth, one doesn't need to have dementia for the person to do that. It's just enjoyable memories for them, when they were young and free.

As for when this happens for dementia patients, I think they actually feel like they are back to the physical age to which they are talking about. Sometimes they get confused where they are and will be scared about their surroundings, not recognizing their own home. It's also like a person has amnesia regarding current time.

The material of this web site is provided for informational purposes only. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, or financial or any other professional services advice.