I heard you're doin well and livin large in a garage over on 4th and Easy Street
Smilin at every stranger and pettin every dog you meet

Slim Jim and Cadillac Jack said you wore a smile that looked suspiciously authentic
and ruby "no place like home" slippers you got from "Own It Now or Rent It"

But it's all Dreadful news from some recently refurbished garage

Your drug store palszie walszies and those phonies you left me for
are talking big and spinnin tales about what they have in store
They said your breath could crack the sidewalk
and you winked when you should have cried

And you told the truth to everyone baby when you know you should've lied

And it's such such Dreadful News, such Dreadful News from some recently refurbished garage

Your end table from Ethan Allen leans awkwardly on and '83 Impala
And that Lava Lamp we got from Aunt Fran you pawned it for a lonely crumpled dolla
and you're usin empty Dinty Moore cans for ashtrays /slash/ dinnerware
and when you get an urge or notion you just change your mind and sit and stare cuz you don't want to waste a single motion

And it's all such Dreadful News, Dreadful News from some recently refurbished garage

That Buddha you got for Christmas sits smiling at a can of Pennzoil 10w30

And his belly is adjacent to a book entitled "Jokes You Can Tell Your Mother Even Though They're Dirty"

They said you looked content and downright smug
-enjoying the moment's ride
But if you looked through your paper front, baby - they could see the other side

And it's all such Dreadful News, Dreadful News from that recently refurbished garage

And all this dreadful news is tragic - but what's even sadder still - is how much I love and miss you baby and guess I always will

But it's all such Dreadful News, Dreadful News from that recently refurbished garage

I died in the street with some vagrant disciples,
I stepped on the back of a Copperhead Snake,
I's raised from the dead by the quick Hand of Glory,
Baptized and branded in a fiery lake the last thing I remember, they was standing over me and they said

IN PACE REQUIESCAT

I walked in the heat of a Lush, verdant garden
I lied in the shade of some apple tree
I almost got away with sampling logic,

but how waz I to know
they waz watchin me
the last thing I remember they waz
throwin dirt in on me and they said

IN PACE REQUIESCAT

I swam in a sea of green eyed glances,
I swam in a sea of lubricity,
I almost got away with sampling sweet madness,
but how was I to know they waz watchin me,
The last thing I remember they waz sayin prayers over me and they said,

IN PACE REQUIESCAT
de profundis

I flew in the sky with pennies and diamonds,
I fell from the clouds on black leaden wings,
I soared through the stars with sinister notions,

But how waz I to know they waz keepin an eye on things,
The last thing I remember they waz standing over me and they said

Yeah, Let me give ya the long and short on the kid Juan Pizarro,
Not the White Sox pitcher or the Conquistador,
With brothers Francisco and Gonzalo

Nah, Just a kind hearted pimp who fell in love with his own whores
and couldn't meet the vig he had to borrow,

Yeah, let me give you the long and short man, on the kid Juan Pizarro
The boy loved ducats in his pockets and livin like there was no tomorrow

Yeah, let me give ya the long and short on the kid Juan Pizarro

They said they found him dead on his Murphy bed with one shoe on and his head in a pool of dark dried crimson, in a room full of sorrow in a body stiff and cold that could once walk and talk and run like Vada Pinson

The girls in his stable said he had a voice like an angel and eyes that could make a dead mortician cry

And wore a medal of the defunct Saint Christopher around his neck that insured quick delivery when he died

Yeah, Let me give ya the long and short man on the kid Juan Pizarro
who loved ducats in his pockets and livin like there was no tomorrow

His daddy worked in a condensed milk factory and said "effort" was his "Pet Peeve"
and his mama wore tight leopard skin leotards and an equally tight weave

And they said she took the news well - she shrugged her shoulders and only cried a little bit
and that her hand was visibly shaking
as she reached for the crack pipe and took another hit

Yeah, let me give ya the long and short man on the kid Juan Pizarro
who loved ducats in his pockets and livin like there was no tomorrow

They said he only chipped a little bit, now and then
and believed in everything he could
he prayed to a flying saucer jesus,
wore his red shirts like Garibaldi
and parted his hair like Ed Wood,
His sister stood with a flat expression at the funeral that day
She had a black umbrella on her shoulder
Nah, It wasn't gonna rain but she took it anyway
She took a Cracker jack ring off her finger he gave as a kid,
Dropped it in the coffin, before they closed the lid,
Then wiped at her eyes and turned and slowly walked away
Yeah, the long and short of the kid Juan Pizarro

If you're wonderin' bout me baby
I guess there ain't no doubt
I'm burnin' down the doors to hell, baby
CHURCH IS OUT

Tequilla and Cocainna , they'll put you in a trance
A hot kiss from Juanita will move your circumstance
You can change your broken luck,
With one longing furtive glance
You can have your reward in heaven, man
I'll take mine in advance

If you're wonderin' bout me baby
I guess there ain't no doubt
I'm burnin' down the doors to hell,
cuz CHURCH IS OUT

You outta be locked up, Baby
you outta be doin' some hard time
You outta be locked up, Baby
you outta be doin' some hard time
It was just this side of murder
the way you did me, was such a crime

You broke my heart, Baby
with all your cheatin' and lyin'
You broke my heart, Baby
with all that cheatin' and lyin'

It was just this side of murder
The way you did me, was such a crime

Well, I went to see the judge to see
what he would say, he said - "man,
I know that woman, she did me the very
same way"

Oh you outta be locked up baby,
you outta be doin' some hard time

It was just this side of murder
the way you did me was such a crime

Well, she didn't use a knife
she didn't use a gun,
but the way she used that -thing-
she should be public enemy number 1

Ah, you outta be locked up, baby
you outta be doing some hard time
it was just this side of murder
the way you did me was such a crime
you outta be locked up baby
you outta be doin some hard time
it was just this side of murder
the way you did me was such crime

Nobody does me - nobody does me like you do
I said nobody baby - nobody does me like you do
I said nobody, Nobody does me like you do
Sha dooky doo

I feel like a catfish in a frozen pond
I feel like a cowboy without boots on
Cuz, nobody, nobody does me like you do
I said nobody, nobody does me like you do
Sha dooky doo
Aah baby, ya know I wouldn't lie to you
Every word I speak is true
I said nobody, nobody does me like you do
Sha dooky doo
I've been pickin' up girls by the bakers dozen
I tell em' "if you can't love me, go get your cousin"
Cuz nobody - nobody does me like you do
I said nobody, nobody does me like you do
I miss you in the mornin', I miss ya at night
Everything feels strange and it don't seem right
It's makin' me crazy when you're gone
How can I feel right when I feel this wrong
Cuz nobody - Nobody does me like you do

Well, they might be good at huggin' and kissin'
But I always feel like there's somethin' missin
Cuz nobody - Nobody does me like you do
I said nobody, nobody does me like you do
Sha dooky doo