12w…buh.

So the problem is I don’t like being told what to do. (None of us do, right? That’s our whole problem…but that’s the topic for another post)

I briefly forgot this. I thought that it would be great to have someone decide what I ate and tell me what exercise to do and how to change my mindset. Turns out I didn’t like it so much.

I got so frustrated and sick of the 12WBT program that I ended up just not doing it…which isn’t great a) because I’d paid for it and b) because I was in danger of undoing the work I had done. It’s a great program, honestly, and I don’t deny that it gets results. It does. I just didn’t respond so well to the whole culture of it.

But some good realisations and behaviour changes have come of it.

I’ve stopped binge snacking, like I was doing.

I have a better understanding of the amount of food I actually need to function, and am aware of how much I ate that was completely unnecessary.

I understand that my enjoyment of food and cooking for people is a big part of my life, and that is often not possible when on a program like this. Social eating is a big part of how I build relationship with people, and I don’t want to forego that by being stingy about food or avoiding social eating situations altogether.

I enjoy exercising to feel good.

I don’t enjoy exercising to the point of feeling unwell.

The gym can be fun.

I don’t mind Michelle Bridges as a trainer on her exercise DVDs – that is definitely her forte, and her DVDs are really good – but I don’t much like seeing and hearing her everywhere.

But I do like her fitness clothing from Big W.

I like being fitter.

My identity and self worth does not depend on my weight, what I eat, or whether I exercise.

It hasn’t been at all a waste. But I recognise I need to do what works for me. So until the end of the 12WBT, I’m going to keep referring to the exercise plans. But I have gone back to counting points and Weight Watchers, as that style of program suits me better.