Good afternoon pupils and welcome to this assembly of the GRcade School. As you have all noticed over the last week, we have been subject to inspection by OFSTED and I am afraid to tell you that the results were not good.

Unruly pupils.

Poor exam results.

Useless teachers.

The only positive was that you all have a fantastic headmaster and that barely cost me anything in bribes to the inspector…

Now, this sort of result makes us all look bad and we do not have much time to turn things around. OFSTED will be back in the coming weeks and they will be shutting us down if results are not improved. They have therefore given me special powers to sort you all out and show that this school can produce decent human beings. A series of tests will be set to find out the most capable amongst you and the top pupils will be selected to face the might of OFSTED in our finals week.

For the next 6 weeks I will be taking your lessons and we will be concentrating on one lesson per week. I will give you the whole of the week to produce your coursework, failure to do so will result in punishment, success will gain you rewards. We will have the odd special event to boost morale and to boost your standings in the eyes of this establishment.

Each of you have been sorted into school houses and we will use each one as a league table with each house also being judged on competence.

At the end of the 6 week period, every member of the top house will automatically qualify to face the OFSTED testing. Please note that this will only count if the pupil has a positive points score, any of the members of the top house with negative points will be expelled.

The top pupil from each of the other houses will also qualify to face OFSTED.

Everyone else will be expelled and will not be allowed to take part in the exams.

Each lesson will be scored as follows:

Failure to complete: -5 points

Successful completion: 10 points

Top 3 pupils: 5 bonus points

On top, there may be bonus points to be gained for yourself and your house in the social events that will be taking place.

The points you score will be added both to your total and to your house total.

Now with such high stakes there will be a temptation amongst you to cheat and to copy from others. If I find out that anybody is cheating, they will be suspended for 1 week and will face a 5 point deduction. This point deduction will also be made against their house, it is therefore in your interest to keep your housemates on the straight and narrow, as well as being in your interest to keep your eye on the pupils from other houses. Get caught cheating again and you will be expelled with a 10 point deduction taken from your house.

Submission of your weeks work must be presented both to the school as a whole (posted in the thread) and privately to myself (via a PM). The submission must arrive before the stated deadline and follow any special criteria that is set. If you do not submit properly then your work will not be marked and you will be marked as a failure for the week. Only one submission is allowable, editing or resubmitting will result in failure, check your work before you submit!

The markings will be carried out by myself and I will not be releasing the results other than those of the top three pupils. Marks will be out of 100 and will be posted (again only for the top 3) as a percentage. There are no appeals and my ruling is final.

Finally on the work front, this school needs publicity desperately. For too long we have relied on the same old faces producing children for us to educate. Therefore there will be a task set for you all to gain some publicity for the school as well as gaining yourself and your house bonus points.

The bonus megatask points will be awarded as follows:

10 points if you get “GRcade” mentioned in a local newspaper (this must be in print, not online) or on local TV. Evidence of this must be produced.

20 points if you get “GRcade” mentioned in a national newspaper (again in print, not online) or on national TV. Evidence of this must be produced.

If you get "GRcade" in international print or TV then you will get 30 points. For the purposes of the game all the countries of the U.K. and also New Zealand count as national only, no international bonus will be given for making the news in Wellington NZ or Dundee Scotland, even if you are in England.

How you go about the megatask is up to you and you have the whole of the duration of this term in which to do it.

Other rules, punishments and changes are subject to my whim and detention will be the punishment for anybody that questions the authority of the headmaster.

Now is the time for you to all get to know each other and ask any questions that you might have. Your first weekly lesson will start on Sunday.

And remember, no running in the corridors and stay off of the school field if it has been raining.