Author of the savagely funny debut novel, Anti-Social Media

Life is one long guilt trip

Am I the only one to stiffen, involuntarily, in fear every time I see a Police car? I then check myself to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong like speeding or er, walking wrong…

This is no doubt deeply ingrained in me through propaganda planted in the newspapers, the BBC news, and the National Curriculum.

Then of course came the day when I had to claim JSA for a short time (against my will naturally – remind me to never read that shite in the Daily Mail again. I honestly only read it for the entertainment value of the outrageous comments made by its readers but perhaps its subliminal messages have been seeping in.) Again the fear crept in, as they did the best they could to make me feel as if I was making a fraudulent claim, even though I wasn’t and needed to feed my kids.

Talking of kids, this is where the guilt really kicks in! All day every day, I feel guilty that I haven’t done enough with them that day, that I’ve gotten cross with them for something, that I haven’t fed them healthy enough food that day, that I couldn’t be arsed to take them to the park…

Yes, I feel guilty all the fucking time, however I am determined that my children won’t be exposed to the National ‘propaganda’ Curriculum set by the elite who wish to remain the elite, that I was. So, better keep up the writing and win that literary contract!