How to Become Minimalist with Children

Written byjoshua becker ·

“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway

The minimalist life holds benefits for all.

Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.

And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:

That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.

That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.

That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.

That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.

That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.

That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.

That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.

That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.

Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:

1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.

2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.

3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”

4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.

5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.

6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.

7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.

8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.

Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

Comments

So I LOVE this! I am looking into minimalism and I’m really excited to get my family started and to have a clutter free home! So my question right now is what do you do with kids clothing? We have TONS of kids clothing… We have 3 boys, soon to be 4 boys so we usually use a lot of hand me downs. Which results in having lots of boxes of clothes in the garage of clothes that will fit them later or that did for them and will fit younger ones.. But it’s not neat and is quite stressful to keep up with. What do you recommend? Organizing them or just giving them away and buying clothes as they are needed? I just don’t know what to do with all the clothes! Lol

We have tubs of hand me downs given to us. What we do is organize by size, and keep 5-6 winter outfits and 5-6 summer outfits of each size. We trust that as things wear out, we can replace them or that more hand me downs will come along. All the rest get passed on to others that may need them. One winter coat, and one windbreaker/light jacket per size. Also, no need for tons of shoes. One pair of tennis shoes, one pair of winter boots, one pair of sandals. One pair of dress shoes, if you wear them regularly. With only 10-12 outfits, at least 2-3 sizes fit in a storage tub. So, there should not be a ton of tubs needed to store the clothes. 3-4 tubs would likely store all the clothes needed. For an infnt, I would keep 8-10 pajamas per size, as that is what mine wore almost all the time, and then 3-5 cute outfits. 2 blankets are generally enough as well. Do you have 12 blankets and hundreds of outfits? Pick a handful of favorites, and gift, donate or sell the rest.

Thank you!!!! I always struggle with how much to keep for children and infants as I am hoping to have another soon. I have some wonderful things from my first child that I don’t want to have to re-purchase especially as my circumstances changed financially since then. That list is super useful!! Thank you!!!

I found that for me what worked best was limit their outfits to 9 (shirt/pants) i have a washer so its easier to do a load a day to keep up with everyones needs. Vacuum sealed bags are great also fo storage. You should look in your neighboor hood if any store can give you credit for your extra clothes so you can buy some more when needed.

This is a great article. We are in the process of handing our large house over to my sister and her kids and paring down everything enough to move us and our 2 kids into a 30′ bus. Its a hard one though, even though we have always owned very few things, and own less by the day, i still find myself designing and redesigning because I am worried about having enough living space and storage for food etc. If only there was a list of bare minimums to survive that I could start with and build up to our needs

I have a question: how can I get my 5 year-old daughter to donate the toys she doesn’t use or has outgrown? She falls apart every time we suggest donating anything, but she has so much she can’t even find everything she has! We are very generous people and, having lots of things, we give and donate regularly and are not attached to things. I want to declutter but don’t want to traumatized her either! She seems to find reassurance in things… Any tip?

I realize this is a very late reply but honestly I would leave it alone. I have 3 kids and you I’ve found that it is better to honor them where they are at. Each kid is different. Some are more attached to their stuff than others which is simply a difference in temperament. I’ve seen some parents simply go through their kids stuff and give it away without consulting them or asking them at all. I think this is very disrespectful. I would never just start tossing my spouse’s stuff out because I decided I wanted the minimalist lifestyle. That would be a sure way to create resentment and probably distance him away from the lifestyle forever.

I would simply wait and eventually she will on her own want to donate some things. Every once in a while, you can simply say I’m going to the thrift store or having a garage sale. Would you care to donate anything and if she says no, just accept it. It will change as she gets older. Right now, however, she likes her things and that is okay. Just remember her feelings matter and honoring her choices is just as important as the adults.

If they are things that are not used, I gather them after the children are sleeping, and tuck them away in a box. After a month or two, if they have not been missed or asked for, then I donate them. If they are asked for, then I give them back. I also cull clothes that are too small or torn or stained while doing laundry. It is an easy time to get rid of items not fit to wear any longer.

That is what I do too, Michelle! It works really well. If I asked them (5 and 3), they’d insist on keeping everything!! This way, I noticed what they never play with, and tuck it away to see if it is missed. 95% of the time, they never ask for it again.

When my kids are at school I go through their things and take out the stuff that they don’t even use anymore and they do t even know it’s gone. And if they do see a smaller and smaller amount over time I explain to them it was broke a or had a year or even that some other kids didn’t have any toys and they usually agree that it is ok to get rid of the stuff. And most of the times start to declittwr themselves and bring me bags of toys. The feeling of giving to those who have less makes them happy now.

I think that it might be easier with young children but when you are starting with your teenagers and you live in a upper-class town with fancy people and fancy things, it is very difficult for kids to not want to “be like everyone else”. I think a good parent resolves to do what they believe in and allow their teenagers to make their own decisions. It’s teaching by example not forcing your will on them. You attract more flies with honey! ;)

There’s a whole community of families simplifying and downsizing out there. For some it’s just a way of life. For others it’s a process they go through in order to move into a new life – one of fulltime RV travel, living fulltime on boats, moving into tiny houses, or into big city apartments. We have links to all of their blogs in the resources section on our website: https://ditchingsuburbia.com/resources

Hi, I am from India. This was the first blog on Minimalism that I chanced upon about 2 years back. Your story resonated with me. I did not want to spend all my free time into cleaning and organizing. From that day to this, I have taken small steps into Minimalism. Of course, there’s a long way to go but it all happens organically.
I have been reading this blog for a long time. Today, I just decided to thank you for inspiring others.