I can’t actually transcribe it at the moment, but essentially it says that you have reached Dwight K. Shrute, and he is seeking help in looking for the flasher on the loose in Lackawana County. He asks that if you have information leading to the capture and castration of this pervert, press 1. If you ARE the flasher, Dwight is sure you need a friend and you can let him know where to meet you so you can talk. If you would like a Dunder Mifflin catalogue or if you want to order any products, press 2. Oh, and if you’re interested in a sweet red Camaro, he can be persuaded to sell his – press 1 for that too.

“You have reached Dwight K. Schrute – Commander of the Lackawanna County Anti-Flashing Task Force and Assistant Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin. If you have any information leading to the capture and/or castration of this pervert, press 1.

If this is the flasher, let’s talk. You need a friend right now and I can help you. Just tell me where you want to meet and I promise to help you with whatever it is that you need. Thank you and have a nice day.

Oh, and if you are inquiring about any of our paper products and would like a catalog, please press 2.

Finally, if anyone–not the flasher–is interested in a kick-ass 1985 maroon Firebird, I could be persuaded to sell mine. Please press 1 for that, too.”

I know this is a pretty old post but I just called the number for the first time and got a message from W. B. Jones. I wasn’t really listening because I was disappointed that I didn’t get the Dwight message, but he talks about his heating and air services and then puts you on hold (along with some awesome muzak). After you get off hold, some lady says “Thank you for calling” and then it hung up on me. :P