A dating brain trust guides a woman's search for true love

You are just too Awesome!

I was at THE HOOK Holiday Party last week, one of the best parties I have attended in a loooong time -Great mix of people, good food, excellent band – Love Cannon (80’s hits played in a bluegrass style) (pictured above). Really, my friend “J” and I had a blast! She kept saying, “Where have all these people been hiding?” and “Don’t you feel honored to be part of this crowd?”. Yeah! like I am one of the beautiful people too. It was totally fun!

Anyway…

My friend J is also a single mom and we met two other single moms who, like me, would be in the dating market if there was anyone we met worth dating. We decided, just for party fun, to look around the crowd and point out any men that we would even be interested in meeting for a date if they were available. While I was scanning the crowd, one of the women (I will refer to her as “Fuzzy” in homage to her fantastic white angora sweater) related this story:

Fuzzy met a great looking, funny, successful Scientist on an online dating site. He lived in a town about an hour away from her town but that was OK with them. They met, hit it off and were both eager to get together again. They texted, emailed and chatted on the phone during the week or so between seeing each other again. Fuzzy excitedly sorted out the complicated arrangements for childcare for her two children so she could have a date and stay overnight in the town the man lived in. Come the day of the date, she didn’t hear from him. That seemed odd given the amount of communication that had transpired up to that point. But she delivered her children to their weekend care givers and packed up her car anyway. While on the road, she called him to let him know she was on her way. He didn’t answer. She left him a message indicating her confusion about the lack of communication and a desire for confirmation of the visit which they had been talking about all week including up to the day before. He called her back and said their must be some misunderstanding and that it was not a good time for her to visit. When she called him on the carpet for that ridiculous attempt to back out he caved and said, “You are just too awesome” followed by “I am mentally unwell”.

She turned her car around and never spoke to him again.

I just adore the “I am scared,” and the “You are just too good for me,” comments men make when if they were honest with you (and themselves) they would simply say, “I am sport fishing at this time and I could really fall for someone as fantastic as you are and that is not in my plan right now. I wish to continue sleeping around with people who I could not possibly consider a long term relationship because I __________.”

You can fill in the blank with hundreds of different answers like:

feel financially unstable

have slept with at least 20 more people

am mentally unstable

completely immature and unable to commit to anything real

fill in your own answers.

So here is my “You can’t make this shit up” story from that night:

After Fuzzy relates her story and we all have a good laugh, I point out three different men that I find interesting. Two are married. We can see their rings and wives as they walk past. The third guy is speaking to Hawes Spencer, the owner and Chief Editor of THE HOOK. Fuzzy searches his left hand. No ring. Seeing the perfect op to be introduced. I saunter over to Hawes to thank him for the fabulous party. My scheme works and Hawes, being a well-mannered Richmond boy at heart, introduces us. We start a pleasant conversation then Fuzzy fetches me to go to the bar. As I excuse myself, he (I will call him Kringle because it it near Christmas and his eyes sparkled) asks if I will return to continue our conversation. I say that I will and he replies with an engaging smile, “Good, I would enjoy that.”

I am melting. A good-looking, quite possibly single man is indicating interest. It is the holiday season!

Fuzzy and I get champagne and go back to our spot with our other friends near Kringle and he is talking to a very attractive woman. I stand behind him with my posse and we debate what I should do. It is unanimous. Get over there and join the conversation. I do and it turns out she is a co-worker. After a few minutes of what I think is charming party banter, I see some other friends and excuse myself to chat with them for a moment. When I look back at Kringle a few minutes later, he is surrounded by six women. I decide that if he is really interested in me he will seek me out. I go back to my girls. We chat some more. He leaves the bevy, walks up to me and tells me he is on his way to the bar and could he bring me a drink. He sought me out. I am pleased. He goes off to the bar and I wait for a few minutes with my friends and we decide to go get our picture taken. He can find me if he likes, right. Roughly 30 minutes later, J is ready to leave and so we go to get our coats which are in a coat check just passed the downstairs bar. As I am pulling on my coat, I see Kringle standing next to the bar in a circle of people chatting away. He sees me, his face assuming a sheepish facade. I walk over to say goodbye. We shake hands with a couple of “nice to meet you’s”, he apologizes and that is it. He fails to ask for my number.

I am confused.

I have been in situations where I am standing in a circle of people talking at a party and had someone ask to bring me a drink out of politeness, leave and not come back (which is rude but whatever) BUT I have never had someone make an effort to ask – as in walk over from somewhere else- then not return. Ugh! It seems like it is just my luck these days. The one guy I am interested in that is possibly available out of a crowd containing maybe 123 men and he flakes out.

Then to top it off, I was actually disappointed! What is up with that? Someone is rude to me, clearly their actions indicate that they are not really interested and I am disappointed that they didn’t ask for my number? That is messed up! AND I want to believe that he was just sidetracked by his friends (as I would be after a couple of drinks). Ha! Already making excuses for him. No wonder I end up in these F@$#ed up relationships, right. At least I am becoming conscious of my behavior. That must be a step in the right direction anyway.

Result: The dating vacation continues..

The good news is, I had a complete recovery from the Kringle episode. I had my ego amply fed over the two following nights as I was fawned over in my hometown while performing at a two night charity event. Nothing like being adored by many to make you feel better about being dissed by one.