Category: Home Improvement

Stupid customers still have to live somewhere. While we applaud them for sometimes wanting to make the place look nice, please don’t assume flat-pack furniture comes ready out of the box, or that power-tools are named as such because they need power! They make Tim The Toolman Taylor look like Frank Gehry!

(I work as a weekday team member at a home improvement store, mostly in the lumber yard. I am already having a rough day, and a customer asks me if I could cut her a piece of plywood, but our wood cutter is currently out of service. Her pleasant demeanor instantly turns sour.)

Customer: “The fact that your saw is broken is unacceptable! My mother is sitting outside in her vehicle, and she just had open-heart surgery! I don’t have time for this!”

Me: “I’m very sorry that our saw is broken, ma’am, but I could call the store across town for you and see if their saw is functioning—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to go to the other store! I spent $20 in gas just to f****** get here!”

Me: “Yet again, I do apologize for the inconvenience—”

(The customer obviously does not hear me, and continues shouting.)

Customer: “F*** you! I want my wood cut! I’ll break it in half myself if I have to!”

(At this point, the customer is so angry, I am afraid she will try to physically harm me. Two managers on duty overhear the ordeal and walk over.)

Manager #1: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as our associate has already told you, our saw is currently out of service, and is due to be replaced shortly. If you would like, we might have a circular saw in the back that we could use to cut it for you—”

Customer: “This is f****** crazy! I don’t understand why you can’t fix the saw! My mother is still out in the vehicle, and I don’t have time for your bulls***!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind waiting here, I could go get the saw for you and cut it.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! I’ve been in the store for over two hours, and you expect me to wait while you go f*** around, and probably not even come back!?”

(After more rambling, she finally agrees to wait. She then says she is going to go outside and ‘cool off.’ After I retrieve the circular saw, I then go outside to look for the customer. I find her in her car, with her feet up on the steering wheel, smoking a cigarette alongside her mother, who, for having ‘open-heart surgery’, is smoking as well. Customer recognizes me and then shoos me away, and I go back inside. After 25 minutes or so, the customer finally comes back inside, and this time, her ‘recovering’ mother has come in to do some paint shopping.)

Customer: “Is anyone going to f****** help me, or am I going to have to start shooting people to get attention?”

Manager #2: “Excuse me, ma’am, is that really necessary? Our associate went looking for you, and it has been over half an hour.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I am ready to cut this wood for you, as soon as you tell me the lengths you want.”

Customer: “I want you to cut it the f*** in half!”

Me: “Would you like me to rip it for you, or cut it in 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Go ahead and f****** rip it. And stop wasting my time!”

(I proceed to rip the plywood into two foot by eight foot sections, but as it turns out, this was wrong. At this point, the two managers have left me to deal with this customer, because they felt that I had the situation under control.)

Customer: “You f****** dips***! Why did you cut my wood like that?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you told me to rip it—”

Customer: “No, I said in HALF!”

Me: “What did you mean, 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I f****** said the first time!”

(Managers have overheard this as well, and came back over to assist.)

Manager #1: “Ma’am, we would be happy to get you a new piece of wood, but if you would have clarified exactly what you wanted, we stock wood in the dimensions you wanted, and you would have been out of here two hours ago.”

Customer: “I don’t give a s***! I just want my wood cut!”

(Thoroughly annoyed and ready to snap, I reluctantly retrieve a new piece of wood, and agree to re-cut it for her.)

Customer: “About f****** time! Thank you for wasting my life!”

Me: “Gladly.”

(Because of the violent nature of this customer, and because of her threats, the managers finally sent her out of the store, with her precious wood- for free. We didn’t want to give her any excuse to come back and we were thankful nothing else happened! Because of this whole ordeal, the managers allowed me to sit in the break room for a few minutes to cool off. Hopefully, that is the first AND last time I receive a death threat in the workplace.)

(I work in a custom shirt shop. We have a lot of variety in our shirts that we keep in stock, trying to have two-three shades of all the basic colors. However, more unique colors don’t have a high turn over, and we try to keep our overstock as low as possible to keep down costs. This customer had had shirts designed by us before on a basic light brown but now wants some brighter, spring colors.)

Customer: “There’s this really pretty coral that’s popular right now. Do you have anything in a coral?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just have a few shades in the more basic colors. I have a couple shades of pink I could show you.”

Customer: *pointing to two shirts on the wall* “Well, that shirt over there is more of an orange, but the colors on this fox here is more of an umber. Do you have any shirts closer to an umber?”

Me: “Again, we tend to have just a couple shades in the basic color palette. I could show you our two oranges.”

Customer: “No, no, that’s more of a rust! I don’t want another fall color. I want something brighter.”

Me: “Well, that’s called ‘Tennessee Orange,’ and that one is ‘Safety Orange.’ Those are the only oranges we have.”

Customer: “What about something in more of a fuschia-y salmon?”

Me: “I have pink. I have neon pink and dark pink. Would you like to see the two shades of pink?”

Customer: “Well, I also like purple, but I don’t want a royal purple. What about something in like a mauve?”

Me: “I have purple. I have dark purple and light purple. I can bring out two samples and show you our shades of purple.”

Customer: “Well what colors DO you have?!”

Me: “Basic colors, two-three shades of each. Red, yellow, blue…”

Customer: “Let me see your blue.”

(I FINALLY bring out the three shades of blue we have, hoping she likes one.”

Customer: “Is this ALL you have?”

Me: “Yes, we have three shades of blue. These three shades. Royal, turquoise, and light blue.”

Customer: “Fine. I will take the BABY blue.”

Me: “You mean this one… the light blue, right?”

(All I can think is someone had the big box of crayons as a kid and felt like showing off!)

(I work for a small town plumber answering his phones and scheduling his jobs.)

Me: “Good morning. This is [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am calling to get [Boss] out here right away. My toilet is over-flowing and I need him out here, now.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you. Can I please have your name?”

Customer:*gives me her name*

Me: “And I will need the address of where we are to go.”

Customer: “I am a repeat customer. You should already have my address. Now look it up and be quick about it.”

Me: “All right. I am checking our database; however, I do not see you in here. I will be happy to get your information right now so that we can schedule a time to come out.”

Customer: “What? I am not in there?! What kind of a company doesn’t keep customer records? You find me now, and stop being lazy. Your boss would never delete me. I am a very important customer to him.”

Me: “I am sorry. I did not say you were deleted. Perhaps the previous person never entered you into the system but I will be happy to do that for you now.”

Customer: “Look. I want [Boss] out to my house, now!

(The customer reluctantly gives me her physical address.)

Customer: “Apparently you don’t know who I am. What is your name?”

Me: “My name is [My Name]. I am checking our schedule and I can have one of our technicians come out to take care of you this afternoon. Will 1 pm be convenient for you?”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about, 1pm? No, that is not convenient for me. I want [Boss] here now to clean this s*** up, and don’t send anyone but him.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, but he is on another job out of the area at the moment. The soonest I could have a technician to your place would be in about an hour but I will have to pull him off another job. I can send [Technician] to take care of you then. Would that be all right with you?”

Customer: “Absolutely not. Now, you get on the phone and get your boss out here to clean this s*** up. I want my appointment with him. You put me on your calendar with him and stop arguing with me. Don’t you know that the customer is always right? You should be grateful for the business I am giving you.”

Me: “I am sorry, but my boss is unavailable today. Are you sure that you would not reconsider one of our other technicians? They are all very well qualified to do their jobs as plumbers.”

Customer: “I do not deal with anyone but [Boss]. He is the only one that is allowed near my toilet. It is my toilet and if I want him to come clean up this s***ty mess then you are to find him and get him over here. I am a paying customer and I will not take no for an answer. You are giving me very bad customer service. I want this s*** cleaned up and I want it done now. If you do not get your boss over here, I will go on [Review Site] and destroy his perfect record.”

Me: “I am very sorry that [Boss] is not available right now. I will call him and have him call you. In the meantime if you change your mind and would like to have one of our other technicians come out please call me back and I will schedule it right away. Is there anything else I can do for you to help you out today?”

Customer:*huffs* “You do that and make it snappy. I don’t have all day to wait around for you, you ungrateful little b****!” *hangs up*

(When I told my boss about her, he said that she was rich and had lots of rich friends, and he wanted their business, so I should have tried harder to make her happy!)