Maybe he feels if he attempts to tell you that, that you don’t listen.

Hub Request:

When do you think is an adequate amount of time to meet someone’s kids. My beau of Four.

months hasn’t introduced mij to his 14 and 16 year old. However I have met his family. Other than getting text messages while he is at work, I do not hear from him when he has his kids Four days out of the week.

Dear goodpeep,

Thank you for requesting this Hub from mij.

I think this is a superb question with many variables, so let’s go through some of them.

With very youthfull children I think very likely a year or close to it might be an adequate amount of time to be dating someone before bringing them into your children’s lives. The Catch 22 of this is you don’t want to get serious about someone that doesn’t succesnummer it off with your kids. At the same time, you don’t want to confuse the children by bringing a fresh mate of yours into their lives too quickly where they could form bonds and grow linked, only to be disappointed again when the relationship doesn’t last.В

Another big creador is the amount of time that has elapsed since the divorce. The duo of years that instantaneous go after the family’s separation are especially difficult ones. The kids need time to adjust to the fresh arrangements, to witnessing mom and dad spil separate individuals and not spil a duo. They need to see how each maintains their love and commitment to the kids, even however their relationship with each other has ended for the most part. During that time, meeting a fresh romantic playmate for either parent would be disturbing.

Your beau’s children are not little. At ages 14 and 16 they are old enough to treat the idea that dad is dating. They should be able to form or not form attachments based on their like of a person. They aren’t too youthfull too meet you “too quickly.”

I don’t know how long your beau has bot separated from the mother of his children, but if the divorce wasgoed latest, that could be a divisor spil why he’s slow to make this introduction.В

Normally I would warn you that his putting this off could be an indicator that you aren’t the only fresh woman te his life. Maybe the kids have already met a woman he’s dating. Or maybe he’s telling them the divorce is their mother’s ideas and he just wants hier back. There could be a reason you’re not meeting the kids which is based te some kleuter of deception toward your.

But the fact that you have met his family spil you’ve said eliminates the onderstel for that warning.

I suspect that sometimes even when the kids are old enough and enough time has passed, there’s a fear that introducing the kids to the fresh gf automatically elevates the fresh relationship to a serious status. His delaying the meeting may be his way of delaying the seriousness of his commitment his gf.В

The idea that he does not voeling you at all when te the presence of his children is odd to mij. Surely at 14 and 16 they do not spend every uur together when they are ter his charge. They are at an age where they are texting friends, interesting te dates, watching youtube movies, etc. They can’t possibly be spending all their time with him for the utter Four days out of the week that he’s with them.

Even if the days were that total and busy, presumably he does go to leger eventually. There’s no reason why he can’t call you to say good night.

This chunk of information makes mij suspicious that there’s something going on here. Honestly peep, I don’t think this has to do with whether or not you’ve bot dating him long enough to meet his two teenagers. I think this has to do with something else.

I think you need to ask yourself what else is going on here. Even tho’ you’ve met his family, is he watching someone else? Is he attempting to get back together with his ex-wife? Is he just using this spil a way to waterput the brakes on his relationship with you?

Or maybe things are fine, but you need to relieve. Maybe you are the only woman te his life but he’s not ready for things to be spil serious spil you may want them to be. Maybe he feels if he attempts to tell you that, that you don’t listen. So he’s had to come up with another way to keep things at a tempo he can treat.В

Dating for Four months is a very brief amount of time. Is he misperceiving some zuigeling of pressure from you to step up a commitment?В

Obviously В only you two have all the answers here. My advice is to have an fair conversation with him about this. If one of you isn’t being fair with the other, you don’t have a relationship to work on, so it’s time to budge on. But if you can both communicate honestly about what you’re both truly doing, then maybe you can listen to each other’s point of view and attempt to compromise so that you can both feel comfy.В

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Comments

Dana, you are not a idiot, you are of the impression that you mean something to your man, 3years is a long time so play his baladronada!

You got that right Dana. Stir on!

My beau s children are 8 11 and 14. I have not met them te the Trio years wij have bot dating. so I think I am the thickest Loser of all

The ex sounds nuts and that is an kwestie. But if he can’t even call or text you when his kids are there? I’m not buying it. I think you’re thinking it’s more serious than it is. After Four mo it can’t be serious anyway. Telling you won’t come 2nd te his life after only being te it Four mo that’s not reflecting spil ordinario on you.

It always amazes mij how much women see what they want to see and not what reality is displaying them. good peeps Four months is nothing. What you’ve clarified doesn’t truly switch anything. You’re having a relationship that this dude is not having. There are clear signs of that. Good luck.

Ok ok I may not have packed te all the blanks here. I have sat him down and wij have discussed the meet and greet. He say’s he wants it to be special spil ter going somewhere like a zoo, so no one is waterput on the spot. The problem for mij is that he dreamed to come to my house for dinner which I agreed to about a duo of months ago, and he has spent the night spil well on many occasions. This maybe hopping the gun for mij spil I have a son who is Nineteen and lives at huis and a son with Down’s Syndrome that is 23 that comes every other week during the summer.

He has met them and I just assumed that I would have met his. At very first when I enquired he said he likes things to stay peaceful. At a zometeen discussion I told him that I wasgoed offended that he would think I would not keep the peace. That is when he said he wants mij to be exclusief of his kids life and thinks I would undoubtedly be a good role specimen. I guess I have to be more patient but I don’t want this to go on and on, spil he is somewhat of a procrastanator. This has never happened to mij with anyone else. I work with kids and I have always had excellent relationships with other boys’s children.

Spil far spil the amount of time he wasgoed divorced. It has bot overheen ten years. Out of that Ten he had a gf of 8 years and He broke up with hier Two years ago because she became mentally ill and wouldn’t get treatment behaving very eratically. All of which his children have witnessed. But she has bot stalking him with phone calls, demonstrating up at his ingevolge, and sending him emails. I have bot at his house with him when his kids weren’t huis and she showcased up with police insisting to come ter telling she had things to get. However, she has come three times to get hier things. She has falsely had him charged for assult which didn’t stand up ter court and the judge told hier to not go to his house spil that would be trespassing. The man wasgoed taken out of his house ter handcuffs and brought to jail.

He is fair with mij about hier and say’s he is going to the court to get a peace unie waterput on hier. Because I told him that I can’t come 2nd if he doesn’t do his part to get hier out of his life.

She has caused and is causing a number of problems with phoning his work and calling his ex wifey to speak to the kids both of which have told hier not to call.

This is a very manipulative and mentally sick person.

So maybe that is what this is all about!

I’ve never bot involved with a man is so attentive and interested ter mij when he doesn’t have his kids, and then texts mij daily and at times calling when he is at work on the days he has his kids.

I guess I truly need some input spil to what others would think and do.

I have attempted to tell myself that it doesn’t bother mij but I guess it does.

I have determined to let it go for now and not get to affixed. I’ll see how he treats things with his ex gf. But if he doesn’t pursue the peace unie and respect that I can’t be a part of this schouwspel he has bot ter within the last two years, I will have to look at moving on.

Playing with fire?? I don’t think so. It’s Four months. Get a houvast, it’s a fresh relationship that she thinks is more than it is. That’s all. And Veronica pointed that out pretty well I think.