Hey again! It's nice to see the forum's still running (and with a lot of familiar faces still here, too!). It's been slow at work lately, so I need something to do to kill the time... and what better way to do that than to read and review some webcomics!

Post here if you want your comic reviewed, and I'll get on it ASAP, starting tomorrow morning.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

Website: The general layout of the site is excellent, and the oversized title quickly draws in the reader's attention. I have a few complaints, though:

1. Navigating the archives to write this review was a big hassle. For instance, there's no quick way to get to the first page of volume 1, so to do so, I have to click "First" and then click "Next" multiple times. And finding old pages will get even more challenging as new material is added. Something like a navigation dropdown or calendar would be appreciated.

2. It's five months in, and the amount of bonus material and commentary on the site is mediocre at best. And it seems to have been getting worse, since at least at the beginning there was regular commentary beneath the pages. It isn't a big problem, but it's also an area that could obviously use some work.

3. I dislike having the seasonal extras mixed in with the regular archive. It's distracting from the story, and the Halloween extra is actually Red's first appearance in the comic, which makes his "real" introduction later on less dramatic.

Writing: The first thing that jumps out at me is that the four-page introduction doesn't have a hook -- and by hook, I mean something strange or exciting at the beginning to quickly grab the reader's attention. This directly leads to two pacing problems: one, the exposition gets exaggerated (like with the awkwardly overdramatic "TV will rot your brain" panel http://www.howtosavetheworldcomic.com/2 ... your-brain), and two, the exposition is rushed so the story can get to the "good stuff" (e.g., the author blogs at the start of volume 1, "I promise the action will start picking up soon" http://www.howtosavetheworldcomic.com/2 ... -wide-open). Hypothetically, if the weak intro was amputated and the comic started with volume 1, the writing as a whole might be stronger.

It could be that I'm being overcritical of this small portion of the comic. But at the same time, I feel that making a solid early impression is really important with webcomics, which is partly why the website itself deserves a lot of focus.

(For more on hooks, I recall Dennis O'Neil spending a good amount of time on them in his book The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics.)

As for the bulk of the writing (i.e., the interaction between Sam and Red), I'm impressed overall, and this, more than any other quality of the comic, would lead me to become a regular reader. Red, in particular, is mysterious, unpredictable, and fantastic, and a lot of my interest in the story stems from his surprising abilities and behavior. For instance, I'm wondering things like: Why Red is (ironically) fearful of Sam when they meet? Where did he come from, and what's his connection to Grandpa? Why, and how, did he create the evil beet monster? What other cool powers does he have? I assume these questions, and more, will be answered later on in the comic. Sam, though, is nowhere near as interesting, and is going to need to be developed a lot better if he's going to continue to be a meaningful part of the duo. He does make a few references to cowboys (most notably in the "space Western" segment http://www.howtosavetheworldcomic.com/2 ... ace-oddity), so I could see him styling himself after an archetypal Western hero (perhaps emulating movie stars like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood).

In addition, the story thus far is so bizarre, I'm unconvinced whether it's grounded in reality or if it's all part of Sam's play-fantasy, and I like the ambiguity. I'm reminded of dark movies like Total Recall and The Game, or even something more fantastic like The Wizard of Oz, where both the protagonist and viewer have a difficult time distinguishing between reality and fiction, and while this webcomic is obviously lighter material, I'm attracted to the surrealistic vibe of it.

Lastly, I'm not a fan of how Red communicates to Sam via ones and zeroes. No matter how much I suspend my disbelief, I don't understand how the language can make complete sense to Sam while appearing as gibberish to the reader. It also comes across as tedious and unnecessary for Sam to have to vocally translate what Red says. I can quickly think of a variety of ways this problem could be addressed, and all of them are better than how it is now.

Art: I'd say the character art and lettering is fine as-is. The quality is certainly at least adequate for the rate of output, and the bright colors give a warm, "Saturday morning cartoon" feel. And because of the heavy visual focus on Red, the comic has a distinct color motif that's instantly recognizable. The artist shows to be especially adept at changing perspectives and angles to keep the scenes fresh. I also like the designs in the character sketches and look forward to seeing those characters (and others) appear.

I have a big problem with the art, though, and it's that I can't stand the homogenous backgrounds. It feels like most of the backgrounds are the same bland layering of land, flora, and sky. I get that, thematically, the blandness of the scenery relates to Sam's boredom and isolation, but at the same time, the reader expects to be entertained and stimulated. The most obvious solution to this is for the artist and writer to communicate more in regards to making the scenery more relevant. If the artist feels creatively limited by a location, then he should discuss with the writer the possibility of changing or modifying the location to be more accomodating. This also gives the writer more of an opportunity to make use of props (like in the scene where Sam, being in proximity to a barn, grabs a garden tool to use as a weapon http://www.howtosavetheworldcomic.com/2 ... eed-weasel). However, I'm aware that increasing the level of detail may negatively affect the comic's schedule, so sacrificing some art quality could be the wisest choice.

Lastly, I'd like to add that I'm very underwhelmed by the volume 1 cover, and that it's probably the least competent artwork in the whole comic. I would consider either making a new cover, or cutting it.

Overall: This is a fun and original webcomic, and I can see it expanding its audience if the quality improves and the schedule remains consistent. There appears to be a broad interest in pairing a "Saturday morning cartoon" feel with an adult sensibility, as shown by popular movies based on childhood cartoons like Transformers, The Smurfs, and G.I. Joe, as well as various shows on Cartoon Network. The comic's homage to Calvin and Hobbes (http://www.howtosavetheworldcomic.com/wallpapers) is an example of tapping into that kind of sentiment. I personally plan to check up on the comic periodically to see how the plot develops.

Last edited by LibertyCabbage on Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

I'd ask you to review mine, but I just barely started designing the webpage (learning about the tags and stuff), never mind posting the comic itself. Maybe in a month, but by then you probably would be busy

Metal_Solstice wrote:I'd ask you to review mine, but I just barely started designing the webpage (learning about the tags and stuff), never mind posting the comic itself. Maybe in a month, but by then you probably would be busy

Keep in mind, though, that a webcomic isn't ready to be reviewed right away. The Comic Pitching forum here, for example, requires a minimum of 20 pages, which is roughly equivalent to one issue of a standard print comic. Assuming you launch your comic next month and regularly update once a week, it'd be about half a year down the road before you reach that point.

McDuffies wrote:Hi, LC. I haven't updated any comic for years.

Join the club. =P

By the way, I'll be picking this back up on Monday. I have no idea yet which comic I'll read and review next, but volunteers in this thread have priority.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

While looking around for the next comic to review, I saw a poster on the Drunk Duck forums suggest that Rangetsu is the most underrated comic on Drunk Duck. So, I decided to review it. It's manga, and for the record, I don't think I've ever seen online manga I wasn't underwhelmed with. But I haven't reviewed manga before, either, and I didn't want to let my bias get in the way. Maybe Rangetsu would be the first step in changing my outlook on online manga, right?

Website: Just the comic, basic navigation, a place for readers to leave comments, a white background, and a link to the creator's portfolio. It's about as minimal as you can get and very underwhelming by today's standards. One suggestion: A story summary would probably be useful, since this comic's well over 100 pages already. Even print comics usually have a blurb in the beginning to help the reader catch up as to what's been going on. Also, the "This comic reads right to left" note is very important and should be displayed more prominently than in the comments section.

The site also doesn't list an update schedule. Does the comic have one?

Writing: While writing's usually an extremely complicated subject, I can generalize the writing in Rangetsu with one word: dispassionate. While reading the comic, it became increasingly clear that the creator has minimal interest in the plot, dialogue, setting, and even general direction. It's essentially the inverse of a stick-figure comic -- the art's all-important, while the writing's just there to serve the basic contextual needs. The story simply jumps from one brief and confusing action sequence to the next, with no clear impression of revelancy or substance. In the 22-page section I read, I estimate there were at least six separate fight scenes, none of which were at all interesting, even stylistically.

These numerous fight scenes all followed a sequence I noticed as setup-action-outcome. The setup: macho, profane posturing. The action: fighting. The outcome: one side is defeated. This is pretty standard, but in this comic, the action is actually fairly trivial since the fights are short and the setup-action-outcome sequence gets replayed every time. It's a constant start-stop, ADHD-type scenario where you have a multitude of crappy fights in place of what could've been one or two good ones. And it's not like the fighting is getting cut short for something important -- lines like, "Now lay there and die, you little turd of shit," "Hey, shitbag," and "Save the insincere formalities, brickshit" don't leave me eager for more dialogue. Ultimately, it seems like most of the fighting is left up to the reader's imagination, which is an unfortunate state for a comic that blatantly tries to be action-oriented.

Lastly, the large amount of typos in the comic is simply inexcusable. I've counted up to half a dozen typos in a single page, and some pages have obvious typos even when the dialogue is minimal. I've already indicated that the writing is half-assed, but this lack of attention makes me doubt the creator even wants to read his own comic. And even if the creator's unwilling to proofread his own work for whatever reason, it shouldn't be challenging to find an aquaintance or two to show the page to before posting it.

Art: For placing so much emphasis on the art, I'd expect it to be a lot better. It's initially more attractive since the creator's particularly skilled at faces, and that comes across quickly and bluntly, but the more I read the comic, the more it seemed like a one-trick pony. A lot of the comic seems like the "extreme close-up" scenes from Wayne's World. From a holistic point of view, the bodies always seem to be lumpy and sketchy, more like concept art than a finished product. At first I assumed this was a temporary effect for the sake of mood or emphasis, but by the end of my reading, I had yet to see a single body drawing that didn't seem crude. And don't expect to see any backgrounds in this comic -- I wasn't even able to get a basic sense of where the story's taking place. (This page is all I had to go off of http://www.drunkduck.com/Rangetsu/5343656/ .)

I'll add that the inking seems pretty strong, maybe even as strong as the faces. But it isn't as strong as it would be if the problems with the line art were less distracting.

The creator's clearly a capable artist, so it's strange there's such an obvious lack of detail. It might be similar to the "pocket effect," where an artist tries to minimize the areas they're weakest in. I call it this in reference to a phenomenon where an artist uncomfortable with drawing hands will often draw their characters with their hands in their pockets, behind their back, or somewhere else out of view in order to get around it. The result is that they get even more uncomfortable with drawing hands, and get more creative about hiding it until it gets too obvious and someone points it out to them. It might even be mostly subconscious -- after all, artists naturally want to highlight their strengths and obscure their weaknesses. In relation to Rangetsu, this may help explain why there's so many close-up shots. It could also partly be because the creator feels like he needs to rush, in which case I suggest slowing down.

I'm also confused at all the kanji (?) symbols around the artwork. Are they supposed to be sound effects? I'm not going to suggest the creator takes them out, since he obviously likes them a lot, but he can at least provide an English translation for them somewhere.

Lastly, I found a lot of the scenes to be generally confusing, but I think this page is one of the most confusing I've ever seen http://www.drunkduck.com/Rangetsu/5330324/ . I've read it multiple times in both directions and still have no clue what's going on. The scribbly word bubbles and kanji aren't helping either. Another confusing page is this one http://www.drunkduck.com/Rangetsu/5380815/ . The guy gets mowed down by an execution-style firing squad, and then in the next panel he's punching guys out? Obviously he's either invincible or the gunmen have Stormtrooper-level aiming abilities, but I think it's clear there are at least a few panels missing here.

Overall: This might be one of the harshest criticisms that I can give, but I think the creator should seriously consider pairing with a writer if he wants his comic to be more successful. This isn't to say the writing's merely bad, because a writer who lacks skill can improve his abilities. Rather, I don't get the sense the creator cares about writing, in which case improvement is impossible. The other upside of this is that a collaboration would likely be more challenging since the creator would have less creative control and would have to go outside his comfort zone more.

Although, it could just be that I dislike online manga, and this comic's actually a lot better than I'm making it out to be. But at the same time, it has to be considered that others will be less critical of a work because it's in a preferred style.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

*Gulp* Okay. Just finished working on the new site. Here it is, fresh from the womb. I did a few cursory looks over it and had to reupload the cast page, but that should be taken care of by the time you get around to it I would think.

Archive is currently 108 pages long, just to preface. I removed a whole bunch of pages from the beginning of the story so this will be a good trial run to see whether things still make sense

Ooh this whole topic has me anxious, I'd love to get some feedback on Flying Tigers but it's not far enough along yet to be worth a review.*sigh* hopefully by the Webcomic Above You comes along.

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Archive is currently 108 pages long, just to preface. I removed a whole bunch of pages from the beginning of the story so this will be a good trial run to see whether things still make sense

I am so tempted to switch Ride the Wind to a new site and cut off a sizable chunk of the beginning, it's still bugging me

Deviantart~tumblr"Your service is to the story and to the characters. Fuck the audience and fuck your own whims." - Yeahduff

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:*Gulp* Okay. Just finished working on the new site. Here it is, fresh from the womb. I did a few cursory looks over it and had to reupload the cast page, but that should be taken care of by the time you get around to it I would think.

Great! I'll try to get the review done today. And I should clarify that I mainly look at the website from a "common sense" perspective, so I wouldn't get overly worried about it. I also consider the writing and art more in a review, even though I list the website portion first. I don't intend to use grades, but if I did, I don't think I'd weigh the website more than 20%.

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Archive is currently 108 pages long, just to preface. I removed a whole bunch of pages from the beginning of the story so this will be a good trial run to see whether things still make sense.

Sorry that I didn't clarify earlier, but I don't intend to review comics' entire archives. It's just not practical, and while it might be tolerable for a good comic, I'm not gonna set myself up to sludge through 100+ pages of a comic I dislike. (Not that I'm suggesting Loud Era is a comic I dislike -- I haven't read it yet.) For Rangetsu I only reviewed act 4, and for Loud Era I only plan to review chapter 2. As for "making sense," I expect a chapter to make sense on its own, and as noted above, something like a cast page can help to make that possible. I've yet to see a print comic with a label that says, "Warning! This won't make sense unless you read the previous issues first," and while there are differences between print and web, I think they're fundamentally pretty similar.

Also, your newest stuff should always be your best stuff anyways, so ignoring the older stuff is probably a good thing.

RobboAKAscooby wrote:Ooh this whole topic has me anxious, I'd love to get some feedback on Flying Tigers but it's not far enough along yet to be worth a review.

I don't really understand where you're coming from. I see Flying Tigers as being at 40 pages already, and both my reviews so far have been of fewer pages than that. And as noted above, I'm gonna try to review chapter 2 of Loud Era today, which is 24 pages so far. I'm not gonna push the issue, but I'll just say that I'm perfectly willing to review Flying Tigers if you wanna volunteer.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:And Schoob, I feel you. Part of why I moved it was because I really wanted to overhaul the code and everything too and start from scratch.

Thanks.I feel that with the addition of a small intro chapter (or two) I could more or less cut out everything before chapter 9 and it would make complete sense....which says a lot about how badly I bungled the beginning

LibertyCabbage wrote:

RobboAKAscooby wrote:Ooh this whole topic has me anxious, I'd love to get some feedback on Flying Tigers but it's not far enough along yet to be worth a review.

I don't really understand where you're coming from. I see Flying Tigers as being at 40 pages already, and both my reviews so far have been of fewer pages than that. And as noted above, I'm gonna try to review chapter 2 of Loud Era today, which is 24 pages so far. I'm not gonna push the issue, but I'll just say that I'm perfectly willing to review Flying Tigers if you wanna volunteer.

It's not so much a page count thing as it is a narrative thing - not enough has happened, it's still pretty much introductions.

I can't say I'm not used to a good harsh criticism though...

Deviantart~tumblr"Your service is to the story and to the characters. Fuck the audience and fuck your own whims." - Yeahduff

Website: There's a lot more bonus content than the other webcomics I've been seeing lately, including fan art, miscellaneous drawings, background information, and news items. There's also a cast page, which is a good idea, although I have a complaint about it in the "writing" section below.

Aesthetically, the site's simple and elegant -- perfectly appropriate for the time period the comic covers.

The archives are sort of a mess. I'd prefer a more clean and concise approach -- maybe something like how Parallel Dementiahttp://pd.milkinthepantry.com does it. I also initially thought the comic was currently in chapter 2, while it's actually in chapter 3. There's no mention of a chapter 3 in the archives page, which is potentially confusing to a new reader.

I also noticed that the page posted on Aug. 24, 2011, appears twice. It's a careless mistake that shouldn't have gone uncorrected for so long.

Lastly, looking at the archives, the update schedule seems pretty random. Trying to stick to a consistent update schedule would probably help you get more readers.

Writing: It's really, really, really good. The creator has a genuine talent for dialogue and mood that stands out in every page. I'm especially impressed because the writing was able to carry my attention despite the subject matter being mostly being female-oriented and not something I'd normally be interested in. I still don't care that much about the prom situation and the characters' relationships, but the pervasive awkwardness and realistic dialect creates a lot of fun tension and genuinity. One of the primary goals of a writer should be to get the audience to care about their fictional characters, and this comic's very good at making its characters come across as real people.

I also really like the antiquated feel of the comic. It's never a major factor, as the comic deals with timeless human issues, but the colloquialisms and periodic clothing help give the comic a freshness and unique identity. It's not just a "high-school comic," it's a "high-school comic set in the 1910s," and that added quality makes it instantly more special and interesting.

My only beef with the writing is I feel like I'm being bombarded with an endless stream of underdeveloped characters. I get the impression the creator has an elaborate and detailed ecosystem of characters in her imagination and is having difficulty translating that to the limited page space she has available to her. I'd rather see a handful of well-developed characters than an army of undeveloped ones. Accomplishing this will take a greater sense of focus than I've seen so far. I also didn't find the cast page all that helpful, as the information there mostly comes across as superfluous. I feel like the main characters should be described more like the minor characters are.

Art: I'm not as big a fan of this as I am of the writing, but I think the line art's very well-done and highly expressive. The characters have an overwhelming charm that makes every panel seem vivacious. The art style is also very peculiar, and I don't think I've seen a style like it before except for maybe in the webcomic Darkenhttp://www.darkencomic.com (which I'll actually be referencing again in the conclusion below). And the period clothing adds an extra design element to the characters, whereas modern clothing would be generally overlooked. There are other pleasant subtleties as well, like varying the height of characters to enhance the sense of physical awkwardness.

Another plus is the way the hand-drawn lettering is skillfuly used to alter inflection and mood.

My biggest problem with the art, and with the whole comic as well, is the coloring. No matter what the setting or mood in the comic, I always feel the coloring and shading is off in some way, although it's not always particularly clear what the outstanding issue is. For example, the backgrounds in the outdoor scenes, which seem to consist of a mix of markers, pencils, digital, and maybe some crayon, generally look too rough and cartoonish. The indoor scenes look better. And the shading on the characters seems to be either too minimal, making the characters look flat and unrealistic, or too heavy, making the characters look plastic and unrealistic. Again, I'm having trouble pinpointing exactly what the problem is, and color's probably my weakest area, but if I were you, I'd seriously consider experimenting with the coloring, and possibly seeking criticism from someone more capable with it. On the bright side, though, the shading does seem to be showing signs of improvement, even if just a little bit.

Lastly, I initially liked the rosy-cheeks look, as it seemed to fit into the antiquated feel of the comic, but the more I read, the more it seemed redundant, and even a little ridiculous. I understand seeing it if someone's blushing or wearing certain makeup, but I don't get why every child and adult in the comic has rosy cheeks at all times. Seeing it actually reminds me of a doll or clown, or the V for Vendetta mask. Obviously this is an important part of the style, but I'd work on getting the look right. I also feel like the cheeks draw attention away from the coloring issues somewhat, which might have something to do with why the coloring problems are less obvious.

Overall: So, back to Darken, like I mentioned above. It started off as a humble forumer's comic, and a lot of the people here acknowledged its specialness. It quickly became one of the top Comic Genesis comics, and then it got picked up by Keenspot. Darken came to a conclusion last year, at that point having a print version, its own merchandise, and an independent website. I'm excited about Loud Era's prospects, and I detect a specialness in it similar to the specialness a lot of people detected in Darken back when it started. It's unclear, though, whether or not Loud Era's subject material has the same kind of mass appeal that Darken's high fantasy does, but I guess time will tell. Loud Era is far from perfect right now, but I expect it to only get better.

Last edited by LibertyCabbage on Tue Feb 21, 2012 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"