Friday, September 28, 2012

Five Minute Friday: GRASP

Five Minute Friday is the brain child of Lisa-Jo Baker. Every Friday she gives a prompt to write on for only 5 minutes. No extreme editing allowed. No worries about font, punctuation, or perfection. Raw and real. Then you link up to her blog. Today's word is GRASP.

GO.

As I think of who I am today, it's hard to grasp where I've been. Where I've been on a security level. Like many women, I have had my bouts with insecurity and negative self-esteem issues. I guess you could say I'm "in recovery" and, for the record, this is really, really hard to write.

It's hard to write because most people that know me, see me as an outgoing person. And I am. But at one time, that was a front.

I can't pinpoint when my inaccurate view of myself started. I can remember, even as a little girl, wishing that I was skinny like my two older sisters. Girls (and now women) who were born with naturally thin frames. It took me awhile to understand that I was built differently.

In the past, I have seen pictures of myself that I didn't like and have wrinkled them up in anger while sitting alone in my room. In the past, I have taken diet pills and prayed that God would make me skinny. In the past, I have shed tears over trying on clothes...and don't even get me started on swimsuits.

I have been 140 lbs to 190 lbs and everything in between. I have self-soothed with food and then the next day, wished I could be anorexic. I have stood on a scale in the morning and let the number I saw dictate my day.

No more...

Years ago, something clicked and I cannot even grasp who that other person is anymore. True, I still have moments where I pinch that stubborn arm fat and wonder why my eyes are getting lines already; I am not perfect.

But...

With Jesus, lots of prayer, self-reflection, books (thank you Beth Moore), and my sweet husband, I am here to say that satan no longer has his grasp on my ability to see who I truly am and for what I was truly intended.

And my prayer for girls, women, moms everywhere is that they will claim that truth and cling to it with everything they've got.

6 comments:

wow. Thank you for being so raw. I know after my baby was born I was told 'you will be back in those old jeans in no time...' Well- I'm still not in those jeans. I will never be back in those jeans. And you know what- its OK! I have had to go through a similar struggle and thanks to Jesus I am a mom of a sweet boy, and a wife to an amazing man, that is all that matters. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Awesome post, Shellie! I've known you since you were an adorable little girl. You have grown into an amazing and beautiful woman! Your spirit comes through in everything you do! Love catching up on your adventures on Facebook and now here, too! You're awesome girl! Don't ever forget it!

Amazing and beautiful. You are more than your face and your body. Satan uses every device possible to make us focus our attention on ourselves so that we are not focusing on our God. I am so thankful you saw through the lies and can now become the woman the Lord wants you to be!

The Family

Welcome to Manic Monkdays. I like to share our tales from the road and typical mom posts. There may also be some crafts and other randomness thrown in for good measure. If that's your thing, come on in and sit a spell.