Sensualist ~ Foot Goddess ~ Rebel Geisha

Going Deep With #BDSM & #Swinging

I like to go deep. Some say I go too deep. Not everyone is comfortable in deep water.

While a part of me dreads those deep dives too, it’s the dread that I dread. The wonder if for a split second, that something will go terribly wrong.

Of course I forget in that split second that when things do go wrong it only adds to the depth, to that place of power and quiet strength–where peril is just another thing that happens that we choose how we respond to and learn from.

I forget because we cannot really hold two conflicting beliefs at the same time. For that split second there is doubt.

But then comes the confidence that where there is doubt, behind it usually is fear–and fear fears things it isn’t a match for.

Then I feel the strength return. Then I take the plunge before another second passes.

I have hid from them and then looked them in the face: doubt and fear. And then I looked inside and found my faith that comes from knowing.

I do what I know to be true for me. I know the fears are not mine. They’re other fears I adopted in hope that I could find out how to give them freedom from fear which is a terrible agonizing way to live.

But I can’t give them freedom. No one gave me mine. I took it.

I took it and I struggled with the fear that an imprisoned mind faces when it sees the vastness of a world it was never a part of. There is no turning back.

Only full commitment to the experience. To the pain. To the trembling. To the awkward moments.

There is no hiding behind the walls that were a dark familiar home. There is not much hiding at all when you’ve made the decision to find out what the truth feels like by baring your soul to everyone. But you do it so you can learn quickly what a powerful and precarious place it is to be that vulnerable–to put something you worked so hard to keep alive, in someone else’s hands who you barely know.

You do it because when you are that raw you feel everything. You learn deeply. You feel the lessons in your soul. Deep inside your heart. The place where people long to belong. They think love is there. In someone else’s being. And they look and look but it’s never there because it hides from that type of looking.

But you want to find it in yourself instead and so you invite everyone you think is safe into your heart and mind. You watch what they do, how it feels. You believe you’ll know when you know and you’re right.

I always go deep. It’s messy and uncertain but I find things I don’t find anywhere else. Deep, precious things that fit the descriptions of what I hear people are looking for.

But going deep is scary. You have to learn to love the dark and the fear until it’s not the dark or fear; it’s peace and knowledge.

When I first started researching BDSM I was a swinger. Swinging was too casual for me though. Casual sex is not deep although it is possible to have a deep connection almost immediately, it’s still not casual sex.

It’s not about the need for commitment or belonging; it’s about more than skin touching skin; it’s about souls connecting deeply, even briefly; seeing and feeling the past, the present, the future in a few hours by connecting deeply with another human being, by letting them taste the richness of your soul and seeing their pleasure.

Sometimes it’s too much. I realized something was different about how I saw and felt things. I’m deeply sensitive and sensual. If I was not strong and resilient I don’t think I would be coherent and still writing this.

I insist on exploring the human experience deeply. Mine, yours if you like. I give more than my time. I give love, thought, power, deep understanding that goes beyond words.

I decided that to be a domme I would want to know what it was like to be a sub. I read and explored mentally and virtually more than physically at first.

My experiences were very unique. I believe everyone’s are but my life has been particularly unusual from birth till now. My BDSM related experiences as well.

I had some unhealthy experiences too. I don’t wish for those on anyone. It’s not about the activity. It’s about the loss of sense of self in a painful and frightening way.

The BDSM scene has stories of abuse and I pondered that for a long time. Not just the physical, but even more the mental and emotional risks.

I came out of my experiences a stronger person but I had to make some very difficult choices.

I wanted to create experiences for others that were deeply loving, twisted and kinky. I wanted to dominate from the heart first.

It’s been said that unto the pure all things are pure.

I wanted to explore the darkness from a place of love and purity. By darkness I mean the places mainstream doesn’t like to go.

Darkness is a peaceful time where the stars come out and we can light candles and fuck in their faint flickering light, making shadows of primal love on the walls or feel the moonlight on our bodies.

Deliciously twisted fantasies have always appealed to me. I want to explore the dark recesses of your mind and greet your primal nature, because I think we have been suppressed and repressed as people. I think that the answer is acceptance, not transformation but exploration with kindness and creativity.

I like creating strong bonds that last forever, forged with love and acceptance.

Where you can remember fondly the times we did things and went places you never would have dared to go alone.