Garrulous train manager shunted into quiet zone

Train manager Jim Murdoch's epic announcements to passengers on the 08:05 service from Penzance to Glasgow have got him moved to an overnight service after complaints.

'I thought passengers appreciated my announcements,' said Mr Murdoch, who owns the complete set of the speeches of Fidel Castro. 'I was shocked when I was moved to the overnight service from Paddington to Penzance where I don't think you can talk to sleeping customers.'

'I'm sure he was well intentioned,' said regular traveller on Mr Murdoch's train, Linda James, 'but he went too far when he started telling us how high we were from the track, the weather and wind speed at each town we stopped at, and the time in Auckland.

'One poor man who has a fear of flying tried to climb out of one the carriage windows.'

Not only did Mr Murdoch read out the train's buffet menu, he also listed the entire ingredients of the items on sale.

'We really didn't want to know how any calories there are in a hot bacon roll,' Mrs James said, 'nor listen to his three hour account of his marital troubles.'

Mr Murdoch admits that his four hour summary of Bradshaw's 1866 Railway Handbook and his six hour 'History of Steam' 'with, mind you, ten minute breaks for passengers to stretch their legs', might have been too much for less hardy travellers.

Now faced with eight hours of enforced silence on the Paddington to Penzance sleeper, Mr Murdoch said he is thinking of a change of career, such as a steward on long-haul flights 'where you get a chance to chat to the passengers'.

'Worst of all,' said Mrs James, 'was being in the quiet carriage as the train manager would talk for hours about the therapeutic value of silence.'

no - I think they moved this fella to the Waterloo-Weymouth rush hour trains. Even after the doors are closed and the train moving "those having a supersaver or pre-booked blah blah showing a different time blah not valid blah blah..."

over and over and over again.

We'd have a whip round for anyone without a ticket just to shut the fucker up