A Larry David Moment

I was on 27East, driving from Southampton to Bridgehampton, when I found myself trailing an absolutely gorgeous Ferrari. I’m pretty sure it was a 459 Spyder and I could tell that the guy driving it really enjoyed owning a Ferrari because he’d let the guy in front of him drive ahead and then he’d rev the engine and race a few hundred yards to catch up with him. There was just one problem with this guy: his back right tire was low on air. [expand]

I kind of wondered what I ought to do about it. This guy obviously had a lot of money, and from what I know about rich people, they don’t like to be told what to do and they don’t like to be told that something is wrong with them.

I figured that I could easily ignore the whole thing and not say anything to the guy, but I had a “what would LarryDavid do?” moment, and it occurred to me that he would absolutely say something. And so by the time we got to the CandyKitchen in Bridgehampton, I decided to say something and pulled up next to his Ferrari in my Pontiac and gave him a bit of a head nod.

He rolled down his window.

“Hey, Your tire is low,” I told him.

“Which one?”

“The back right one.” I pointed.

I was expecting my moment of regret where he tells me to go F myself. He was your classic rich guy driving a Ferrari: in his early 50s, wearing sunglasses, losing his hair but it didn’t matter, and tan skin. I could feel his blood pressure going up. He was thinking, WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY? DOES HE KNOW WHO I AM!!!??? I saw all of this run through his eyes in half a second, and then he looked at me and nodded and said something to me, which I found kind of shocking. “Thanks, buddy, I’ll get it looked at right now.”

“Beautiful car,” I said.

“Thanks.”

Not all of the rich guys are complete @$$holes to locals. Thank you, Mr. Ferrari guy, and I hope your tire is fixed.

* * *

I’m a huge Jets fan, and last night’s win against Dallas was satisfying enough, but I expected them to crush Dallas and not for it to be such a nail-biter. I’m also a huge fan of RexRyan and Revis, but I just can’t stand it when MarkSanchez has to be down by 10 points in order for him to get focused and show us the Mark Sanchez that we all like to see. I have a solution to this. RexRyan needs to tell MarkSanchez to begin games pretending that they are down by 10 points. Mark plays at his best when the Jets are losing. If somehow, though, through the power of the Internet and Google Search, either Mark or Rex is reading this, I think if Sanchez mentally told himself when the game starts that they were losing, he would play better.

* * *

Lastly, I’ve got to touch on Obama’s “job creation” plan. We don’t need more government spending that can’t be paid for, and stop pretending like it can be paid for when it can’t. Anybody who thinks that this job creation plan isn’t a code word for QE3 isn’t living in reality, and both the Republicans and the Democrats need to get their heads on straight about how serious a problem the currencies are in.