Tuesday, April 5

I'm sorry Americans...

I was in London this weekend and got back yesterday. I LOVE London so much, I love the tube, the people, the shops, everything. What I love most is that as you walk about, everyone is foreign, tourists, students, illegal immigrants, everywhere.

It was an amazing trip apart from one Idiot American who just ruined everything. I was at Trafalger Square, admiring my British heritage when I hear this voice,

'Oh mah Gaaad y'all! Dontcha just lurve Europe? I lurve this statue thang, what was it, far some war or somethin y'all?'

It was an Idiot American and his Idiot friends. They were all blonde and American looking, wearing backpacks and using 'Y'all' like there was no tomorrow. He looked at me and my friends and said,

'Hey y'all! Can y'all take a photo?'

He and his friends did the most hideous pose opposite my Amazing British Heritage and talked to us and I swear down it was the funniest thing I've heard in my life.

He was all 'Damn!!! Y'all Europeans arrr so Gaddam quiet!'

I gave him a lecture. It went something like this.

'Do you realise that Europe is not, in fact, one big country, but many smaller countries? Do you realise that the whole world is not like America? European countries popluated your stupid America and without us you would probably be a POOR POLISH FARMER!!. Do you realise that? We have had entire cultures for centuries, while you just come along and SHIT on it, when all the culture you have is Britney Spears and MacDonalds. Please do not refer to Europe as an Entire Country, because, as you will find, we are many countries with infinately different languages, cultures, and histories. Britain is not a state of Europe. IT IS IT'S OWN COUNTRY AND HAS BEEN SO FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS!!!!!

'Yes we are not as big as America, nor as powerful, but there was a time when your country was so insignificant that NO-ONE even knew about it, okay? So don't come here with your 'y'alls' and your All- American Enthusiasm thinking you're in Europe. Would you like it if I referred to Latin America, Central America, the Carribean, America and Canada as 'That Country Over The Pond'? NO, you would NOT!!! So please, for the LOVE OF GOD, understand this. You are in BRITAIN, a country in north- west EUROPE. Is that clear?!?!???'