It just seemed unfair: to take on the UnBritish video goddess that is Shakira in the last instalment of Pops and then be seen to ignore her undisputed British equivalent, Cheryl Cole. If you say it fast and in a stupid accent, it even sounds the same: "ShaKIra, CheRYLCole" See? Almost exactly the same.

And besides, how can you ignore a pop video so special that it seems one of the chief styling decisions was to put the majority of the supporting cast in comedy fake Hitler moustaches?

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

Or perhaps all wearing neat black lipstick … but black lipstick that looks remarkably like a set of women dressed as the Führer. Usually it would take a bit of digging to find out who was responsible for the look of a particular music video, but not this one because the bloke in question was so chuffed with his efforts that he put his name all over the corner of the screen – as perhaps Van Gogh would.

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

Well, there you are. It's a Ray Kay video, apparently. I don't know, call me old fashioned, but I think that even if you like the way a music video is made, the pop star should be the most prominent aspect.

Although to be fair, Cheryl is pretty prominent. Here she is, standing in what would appear to be her maths workbook, in which she has been a very bad girl. She has been doodling and writing poems rather than doing her maths.

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

However, she can't concentrate. Probably because she is wearing what appears to be a corset with two miniature beds of nails strapped to the side, as seen in the top left of this rundown of her outfits:

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

Which also include:Top right: A little something I like to call "Hey! We skinned a Disco Tiger, but he was 'armless"Bottom left: The dictionary definition of "wedgie" – and a lace wedgie at that, which is worse. AndBottom right: Some leopardskin jogging bottoms we shall return to in just a moment.

There's also a tight leather army outfit:

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

In which she salutes a full eight times during the video – and which she's presumably wearing to distract everyone from the lyrics, which are written up there too. And which seem to be, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind us conjecturing, a thinly veiled reflection on her own marriage. This is somewhat compounded by the sad mooning face she keeps pulling.

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

Which looks like the kind of face one would pull when singing a solo song about one's troubled (though reconciled and apparently happy) marriage. Although sometimes she looks cross instead. And quite a lot of the time, she looks like she's her own evil sexy twin. Maybe she's just making up for the lack of having Girls Aloud around her by pretending to be all of them at once. Though when she's not pulling many faces, she is, at least, surrounded by lots of people. People in Hitler moustaches, true, but at least it's company …

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

So much company, in fact, that if this solo angle doesn't take off, Ray Kay could just take his lovely shiny video and repackage it as an exercise video. "To the left, everyone! Now one two, three, four! …"

Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love Photograph: YouTube

"And gangsta stance, two, three, four" (fig. i: good for the hamstrings)"Pounce! Two, three four …""Hump the floor! Two, three four …"And … no, I've ran out of moves. But you should all pretend you're standing in a stiff breeze, two, three …"And all together now:

We're left with the lasting image of our Cheryl giving a one-armed salute with a face like a bunny rabbit.

And that is it. That's all there is to the video, pretty much. Luckily, the song's really bad, because it would be an uncomfortable world indeed if you wanted to watch that video more than once. Thankfully, nothing about the product compels you to do so. And besides, we did it for you.