Many women, let alone men, still baulk at the f-word. Yet Anne Dickson's new
book teaches men how to stand up for equality by checking their own
behaviours. Claire Cohen meets her

Anne Dickson’s new book has, on its cover, a black and white picture of a topless - and headless - model. Her arms cover her breasts, her brunette locks tumble below her shoulders and her hands clasp the back of her neck. It’s a pose that says, unequivocally, ‘come hither’.

Dickson is a psychologist, widely regarded as a leading authority on women’s development since her book, A Woman in Your Own Right became a best-seller in 1982. She has written prolifically on the subject, including a recent tome on women’s assertiveness in the workplace. And now she’s turning her gaze towards men.

It’s also, presumably, why she opens with an accessible account of racism at football matches.

“In my experience, a lot of men really have no idea what women go through,” she explains. “They don’t realise that we’re afraid to speak up and be heard.”

It was this realisation – as well as the sheer number of men who have approached her, curious about feminism - that prompted Dickson to put pen to paper.

Her mission is threefold:

Most important is to help men understand that sexism still surrounds us, (“without their support we can’t change institutionalised attitudes”).

Second, is the need to join the dots where sexism is concerned: “Instead of seeing domestic violence as one person’s problem, rape as another person’s problem, harassment as something else and women not being in the boardroom as a separate issue.”

Third, is to help women see the ways in which they “collude” with sexism, by not speaking up.

The book is a roaring 20,000 word polemic that positions feminism as an ideological response to sexism.

“Sexism to me is an extraordinary system through which we see one gender as more important or more valuable than the other,” explains Dickson in her straightforward manner (she ends most sentences with the phrase; ‘Do you see?’).

One gets the impression that the men she speaks to – including those who have been prosecuted for domestic violence – must find her bemusing. “I tell them to think about what they’re saying when they call a woman a cunt,” says Dickson. “They usually laugh and tell me I don’t have a sense of humour.”

It’s not true. When we’re discussing the division of domestic labour and the idea of the ‘new man’ at home, she quips; “I always think that who cleans the loos is a good indicator – who really does the s*** work.”

What's changed?

So how does she see feminism now, three decades on from her defining work?

"Being 30 years older means that I can see the limits to what we have changed," she muses.

"I don't think that psychologically we're remotely freer. If we were, then we'd be able to think independently of male behaviour - we wouldn't emulate it. But we still think that 'power' is what men have and we want those attributes too.

"At this stage - and this age - I refuse to believe that women have a gag on them. If you don't speak up in a conversation, that's your responsibility."

Neither does Dickson think that feminism is an age thing. She's delighted that a new generation is coming through, but worries aboutUkrainian activists Femen, who she calls "quite militant." And she still despairs of those who think feminism is; "about being anti-men. You hear it from younger women, older and pop stars. They say; 'oh no, we need our men around.' So those of us who are feminists still tend to keep quiet about it."

Not that Dickson keeps a low profile. She works with women the world over; from rape victims in Kenya and Saudi Arabia to women experiencing domestic abuse in Russia ("something like 40 women die a day, it's horrific") and Japanese women who are beholden to traditional layers of spousal obedience.

"Yes, sexism has different cultural faces," explains Dickson, "but the effects of being considered an inferior gender holds it together."

How to challenge men in the workplace

In Britain, she often helps those women afraid to challenge men at work. Indeed, Teaching Men to be Feminist contains a list, outlining the challenges they face on a daily basis; from worrying about looking too ambitious to letting out pent-up anger.

"Women go through that the whole time," says Dickson. "We're trying to do the right thing and behave the right way. But that's like wearing an emotional straitjacket.

"I think women do feel things more sensitively than men. On the other hand, that doesn't mean we're any better at managing those feelings. We're told they're childish, messy and should be swept under the carpet. So women become their own worst enemies. We let things build up, then get angry, burst into tears and feel stupid."

Perhaps an outlet is the answer. Has she seen the Everyday Sexism feedon Twitter, which encourages women to report the sexism they face as they go about their lives?

"Everyday Sexism is a relief valve," says Dickson. "But there's no right to reply. It won't solve anything. Probably, it will just increase the antipathy that's there already.

"There's so much anger between the sexes. It just doesn't get aired. And sometimes it gets displaced into violence, rape or murder."

So does she think men and women can every truly be friends?

"It will be way past my lifetime when that happens," she sighs. "It's the most important step. But men and women won't be able to forge an equal friendship without dealing with issues of sexism.

"They have to be vigilant - it's so easy to miss things. A lot of men just don't realise that they talk over women, for example. They don't understand how many times they dismiss women. But women also have to learn to say, 'look, it's my turn to speak now.'

"I'm writing in the hope that some men start to understand. Then maybe we can begin to have a different conversation."

How can men become feminists?

Raise awareness

"Read a list of sexist behaviours (there's one in my book) and make an honest self-appraisal. It's much broader and more subtle than we think. For example, privately attributing what you consider unacceptable behaviour to a woman's hormones or calling yourself a legs, hips or tits man.

Challenge and disagree

When you witness sexism in action you can challenge it - in the workplace, with friends, with your sons. You don't have to preach. Initiating an honest discussion is important way to encourage reflection and maybe even change.

Speak up

Begin with gently questioning. Sexism is too deeply entrenched and habitual to change easily. So breaking the habit of silent collusion is a vital part of the process - for women, as well as men.