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Tiger Woods Gives us the Football Sunday We Need and Deserve

I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but hang with me here. I don’t know about you but this is the first Sunday I’ve been excited for since the middle of the 2017 NFL season. With Tiger Woods in the mix at The Open and the cool, rainy weather, I’m getting some major football Sunday vibes. The Bengals, the other Tigers that have been torturing me for years with their promised success and subsequent failure, didn’t give us much to get excited for in the second half of the season. Plus my fantasy teams sucked and I had nothing to play for, but you don’t want to hear about that. Because of the familiar circumstances and since I’m bored without much going on in the sports world other than my Reds coming out flat in the second half, I’m treating The Open’s final round like a football Sunday. The chili’s on, I’m wearing sweatpants with a long sleeve t-shirt, the laptop’s open, and I don’t plan on leaving the couch until I scramble to throw away all of my empty Coke and Miller Lite cans when I hear the Football Night in America music start.

After shooting a 5-under 66 on Saturday, Tiger has put himself in the hunt for a major championship for the first time since Kylie Jenner began her quest to be a self-made* billionaire. El Tigre held a share of the lead for a brief moment on Saturday, but thanks to a few try hards that also decided to play well on Saturday, Eldrick has his work cut out for him as he starts the day 4-strokes giggity off the lead. But as the late, great Kevin Garnett told me during my post game interview with him in 2008 after his Celtics beat the Lakers in the NBA Finals**:

Thanks to the early start time (Tiger tees off at 9:25am EST) I might, like many football Sundays, be drunk by noon. Hell, I may even hit Perkins for a little good luck breakfast before the chili is ready. You see, part of a football Sunday in the Mac household is making a massive pot of chili (DM me for the recipe, I don’t want Bobby Flay getting his hands on that bad boy) that you graze on all day long. I’ve found if you keep eating chili, the heartburn doesn’t set in until you stop. Kinda like how you don’t get hungover until you’ve stopped drinking. Write that down.

Will Tiger catch Spieth & Co.? It’s possible, but it will take one hell of a round in conjunction with everyone else just having pedestrian days. In the glory days, I’d say we for sure had a shot at seeing Tiger hold up the Claret Jug but I live in a world of sports disappointments, so I fully expect Tiger to shoot a 77 and finish the tournament back in the pack with the rest of the posers and shitheads that don’t even have a Nike sponsorship.

UPDATE: The NBC broadcast just cut to Tiger on the range and he’s looking sharp in that Sunday Red Nike polo with the blade collar. You know what? Fuck it, Tiger is gonna win. If Charlie Sheen’s short brother can turn a bunch of shitty hockey players into a championship team in a few short weeks and beat the dad from Son in Law‘s team, why can’t Tiger hunt down the leaderboard and earn his 15th major championship? Maybe he’ll even revert to Old Tiger and say ‘sup?’ to Meghan Markle while he’s across the pond. Word on the street is she’s not digging the #RoyalLifestyle, so the move is yours Tiger. I’m not really sure where Scotland fits into the whole Royal Family thing over there, but I’m gonna go ahead and assume this would piss them off. He came over, dominated your sport that you invented on your home turf, took the Duchess from that red headed nerd and flew home on his private jet to Jupiter (Florida, he’s not Elon Musk). We might have to go back to war with England or Scotland or the UK or whatever they are over there. I don’t know, I didn’t watch the World Cup so you’ll have to forgive me for my ignorance on how everything is pieced together and who belongs to whom. This is, in fact, not a soccer blog so I retract my apology. Maybe Whitty will cover it in his 2022 World Cup Preview he’s working on (release date will be announced shortly).

I hope everyone enjoys today as much as I plan to. I’ve been a Tiger Stan since day one, so just the thought of him being “back” has me so giddy to the point of annoyance. Hell, I may even get out and hit a bucket of balls in celebration since his round will end with some daylight left over here in the Colonies, or whatever those smug assholes call us. Then again, I want to be able to stand upright tomorrow so maybe I’ll settle for the putting green.

Regardless of the outcome, Tiger is close and the rest of the PGA better watch out. If he gets hot, there’s no stopping a red-clad Tiger on a Sunday afternoon. Looking back, we took those Sunday afternoons for granted. Maybe he’ll treat us to a classic Tiger Sunday on this cool, rainy football Sunday in July.

While we wait for Tiger to tee off, enjoy some of his greatest shots. Chills.

*We can all agree that’s bullshit, right?

**I didn’t actually interview him. But yes, anything is possible when you join a team of already established superstars.