Is it weird I have an Imaginary Girlfriend?

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Okay, so I'm just gonna throw this out here. I've never dated or even kissed a girl, and I'm about to turn 20 years old, and it frustrates me and makes me very lonely. I was worried that I'd never get a girlfriend, so I created an imaginary girlfriend in hopes that it could fill the void. Her name is Katie, and I like to hug and kiss my pillow at night pretending that its my girlfriend. I text myself on the phone and have "her" respond back to me. I created an entire facebook page for "her" and I manage it all myself. I like to message this girl on facebook. I end up "texting" and facebooking this girl for hours on end everyday. Whenever I'm in my room alone, I'll talk to her, and pretend that I'm going on imaginary dates with her. I really love her, but sometimes I feel really sad because I know deep down inside she isn't real. But I still love her, and I love talking to her everyday. I just can't let her go now, and all the real women I used to have a crush on, I don't anymore. I can't fall in love with any other women now because I love "her." I don't know what I've done to myself. I've fallen in love with something that isn't there. Am I going insane?

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I doubt you are going insane since as a regular here you were probably insane before you created your girl friend. However we can leave that discussion to a professional and where is Alorael when we need him?

As long as Katie doesn't become pregnant, you are doing okay. You have enough other things going on in your life that a real girl friend isn't something you need to worry about.

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I don't know if you're joking. I second Randomizer: See a professional. Note that if you're actually seeing or hearing Katie, or anyone/anything else that other people don't seem to see/hear, that could be a sign of schizophrenia (although it's not necessarily). Schizophrenia, left untreated, plays hell with the social life.

Schizophrenia is MY problem though and that's why I'm talking about it. It's what I know. Nobody here can give you really good advice tailored to YOUR situation, not even Dear Leader, and when he sees this he will probably tell you so.

Please see a professional. Really.

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I know, I probably do need to see a professional. And no, I'm not joking about this I really do have an imaginary girlfriend. No, I don't think I have schizophrenia because I don't actually see or hear her. I just pretend I'm seeing her sometimes but that's about it.

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Fantasy is an integral part of how we deal with reality. We all use it in our daily lives, just in the process of constructing our understanding of what's going on, and how we'd like things to go. We need it to function in the world. It's not unhealthy. You're using fantasy in a conscious, deliberate, and larger-scale way, but I don't think that's inherently unhealthy either. It's also not shockingly new and different: you're carefully crafting this person, and the motif of artists who literally fall in love with their creations goes back thousands of years.

From what you've written, it sounds like there's a balance of ways in which this activity might be helpful for you (for example, maybe helping you manage anxieties or negative feelings in the short term, or helping you feel connected to something), and ways in which you feel it might be less constructive for your life (for example, the resulting lack of interest in flesh and blood people). That balance might change over time. It's up to you, I think, to decide which side weighs heavier and what (if anything) you want to do about it.

So, no, you don't sound crazy. Frustrated, yes, but not crazy. (I also don't think you "need" to see a professional, although having a thoughtful person to talk things out with never hurts.)

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1. There is nothing wrong with never having kissed someone at 20. While society/media is pushing the age for sexual/romantic activity earlier (or back to where it was when our life expectancy was 40 years), 20 is not old. Having friends can help with the loneliness, and many people have met an attachment through their friends.

2. There is nothing inherently wrong with having a detailed fantasy life. Many people, including plenty of people in sexual/romantic relationships do. One trick is maintaining awareness of what is fantasy and what is reality. Where I would be concerned (which is not the same thing as saying that you "need" to see a professional) is when that fantasy life is interfering with real life to much. And of course the key is figuring out what too much is.

If your fantasy life (or computer gaming, substance use, netflix bingeing, etc) prevents you from holding a job, getting an education, eating, cleaning, etc then it may be too much.

In your first post you indicated that your fantasy SO has eclipsed your interest in your former real life crushes and is preventing you from falling in love with real girls. I do not see this as a huge immediate problem, but it is a potential mid and long term problem. Most of us are capable of creating fantasies that far outstrip any reality that we will ever experience. If you have lost interest in people who used to interest you because you have matured or your tastes have changed (something that is occurring quickly at age 20) that is fine. If on the other hand you have lost interest in them because your fantasy girl has pick one or several of (Barbie proportions, likes exactly the same activities you do, worships the ground you walk on, etc) and none of the real girls you know do, than your fantasy may be contributing to you being alone and you (with or without professional help may, at an appropriate time) want to do something about that and reduce the amount of time spent on your fantasy.

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You guys are going to find it weird to see me comment on a topic, but then after you read my comment you'll think "Now that guy is >>really<< out there.

I also have an imaginary friend, who I actively peddle up and down the pages of Linked In. He is a donkey. Yes, that's right, a donkey. His name is Hotay. He is the ass kicking ass from La Mancha. Now there are quite a few who know how he came by his name from what I have just written. For you who are still young ( Slarty, even though you may feel young at heart, you are still in the first group.) If I tell you that he is the donkey named Hotay, I may get a few more light bulbs.

For those who still don't get it, there is a movie titled "The Man From La Manche" which will fill in the gaps. It is the story of an old doddering lunatic, Miguel Cervantes, who imagines himself as a knight in ... ... well, not so shiny ... armor. In his insanity he becomes Don Quixote, knight errant. I could go on, but that is not the point of my comment.

So I have this imaginary friend, the Donkey Hotay, who arises out of this movie. BTW, Peter O'Toole plays Don Quixote, Sophia Loren plays Aldonza ( OK all you old enough to remember, what young man above the age of 10 did >>not<< have a major crush on Sophia Loren?) In the movie, Don Quixote sings a song "

".

Now why is that important? When I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, I went through a denial phase, looking for a doctor who could treat the neurological disorder I had, but not Parkinson's. That was stupid. Finally I went back to the doctor who had correctly diagnosed me with Parkinson's. Only then having accepted that, then I was able to be given the proper treatment that allowed me to function normally for the next 12 years. Sometime in the early months, that video came across my attention. I was suddenly gripped in such a Positive Attitude, it sustains me even today. Oh BTW, for those whom are of the fairer sex ( Lilith, this is for you) there is a version sung by Jackie Evancho.

This my theme song.

Now back to that silly donkey. I have had on many occasions the need of a comical sidekick in order to divert peoples attention from the hateful way they were being with each other. Hotay was my comic relief. He would get people laughing, on both sides of the conflict. Once that happened, people began to recognize each other to be just as human as themselves. Reasonable discussion ensued.

So the point it, If an imaginary friend makes you happy, then why not share it. People may think you're weird at first, but soon you will have a few who will ask for the donkey as though it really existed.

Now as I mount my trusty steed, the Donkey Hotay, I ride atilt into the rising sun, always tilting in the lists because I am more than half a bubble off plumb.

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Oh BTW, for those whom are of the fairer sex ( Lilith, this is for you) there is a version sung by Jackie Evancho.

Dude, it's pretty weird to single me out like this in a thread I haven't even posted in, and this isn't the first time you've done it. Please stop. I ask you this not in my capacity as a moderator but as a human being who's starting to get creeped out.

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Okay, so I'm just gonna throw this out here. I've never dated or even kissed a girl, and I'm about to turn 20 years old, and it frustrates me and makes me very lonely.

I hadn't kissed anyone until this year (I'm 26). Oh, and the person in question was a guy.

This society puts huge pressure on people to "find someone," and do so quickly, as a social status thing. And especially re hetero relationships. The truth IMO is that this doesn't work for everyone, and romance-as-social-status is unhealthy either way.

I was very lonely too. But after a while I got to the point where I had a day job and a few very close friends, and didn't feel like I needed a partner. I mean, it's really nice to be dating someone now, but for me a lot of it was social pressure that I had to get over.

That said, what you describe is... honestly, kind of heart-wrenching.

I was worried that I'd never get a girlfriend, so I created an imaginary girlfriend in hopes that it could fill the void. Her name is Katie, and I like to hug and kiss my pillow at night pretending that its my girlfriend. I text myself on the phone and have "her" respond back to me. I created an entire facebook page for "her" and I manage it all myself. I like to message this girl on facebook. I end up "texting" and facebooking this girl for hours on end everyday. Whenever I'm in my room alone, I'll talk to her, and pretend that I'm going on imaginary dates with her. I really love her, but sometimes I feel really sad because I know deep down inside she isn't real. But I still love her, and I love talking to her everyday. I just can't let her go now, and all the real women I used to have a crush on, I don't anymore. I can't fall in love with any other women now because I love "her." I don't know what I've done to myself. I've fallen in love with something that isn't there. Am I going insane?

"Hours on end" sounds like it might be interfering with your external life a bit. That kind of time adds up. I would suggest you seek professional help, if only in scaling back the time usage.

But on the other hand, I'm just going to put this out there: be careful. Trust your instincts. There are some really incompetent people in mental health practice, and I've met a bunch of them (and suffered at their hands).

In any case, seriously, best of luck. I hope things work out better for you.

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To answer your question, yes, it is weird. That other people are or have been similarly weird doesn't make it any less weird. That it serves an explicable purpose to you also doesn't.

Weird is okay. I see no reason you would require a professional, and I'm entirely unsurprised that ADoS leapt to that. You're not crazy, just desperate. You realize this is a fantasy you have deliberately constructed for comfort. Fantasies are usually dramatically less fulfilling than realities, so if it prevents you from forming real relationships with other real people, it's probably bad for you in the long run. If play-acting your desires makes you feel better, then by all means make yourself feel better, but maybe make a goal out of doing it less. You're treating the symptoms with something that worsens the cause, which I think you realize.

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There's a pretty low bar for seeking help from any of a variety of counselors, therapist, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Since this seems to be causing some distress, it's worth trying. There's no "you're weird and wrong and crazy, you must see a shrink!" to it. You're saying that this is bothering you; there are people who can try to help you figure out how to change that, be it by accepting that your fantasy is fine and healthy or helping you move past it. Which should it be? I don't know; that's why you would go to one of them.

You don't have to be crazy to get help with mental health help. You can be sad, or worried, or lonely instead. Or you can just be not sure and look for help from someone who can, at the very least, reassure you that while you're lonely you're okay. Yes, I 'm biased as one of those mental health professionals. I don't think we're perfect, but I do think we can be helpful. It's not unreasonable to go see a doctor because you have aches and pains even if they're probably nothing; it's not to go see a psych(otherapist/ologist/iatrist) for an equivalent checkup.

Without any commentary on the rest of the post, I object to the mild butchering of the musical and film Man of La Mancha. The plot has Miguel de Cervantes imprisoned by the Spanish Inquisition and, while there, putting on a play (a show within a show) about Alonso Quixano, the doddering gentleman who decides to be the knight Errant Don Quixote de la Mancha. Cervantes isn't crazy at all, he's just an impromptu playwright and actor.

—Alorael, who really is now legally required to tell you that he is not providing medical advice and is acting entirely in a lay capacity.

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I hadn't kissed anyone except relatives at twenty, either. I got married at 28; we just had our twentieth anniversary.

Until I met my wife, my social life was sparse at best and heartbreaking at worst. That was partly because finding an intimate relationship is just difficult, and partly because I made poor choices about how to spend my time. I didn't take seriously enough the fact that finding an intimate relationship is difficult. I assumed too much that it would just magically happen, so I hardly gave it a chance to happen. I should have been a lot more pro-active a lot sooner.

I never had an imaginary girlfriend, but I can imagine myself doing that. It would have been weird, but weird happens. In fact hardly anyone is really normal. But that means that 'normal' is actually a much broader category than people think, and so most people really are normal, even if they are weird, because weird is normal. At least up to a point. So, unfortunately, are loneliness and desperation. So are relationships that seem miraculously wonderful and yet don't pan out. Movies and books hold up an ideal of romantic ecstasy that is very rarely attained in real life. The thing is, that's okay. It turns out that love is kind of like basketball. You don't have to make the NBA for it to be a great game.

You will have one or more real girlfriends in future. (In the 'more' case, hopefully in series rather than parallel.) Your imaginary girlfriend will be a kind of ex. Most people have history like that. The worst problem I see is that this ex may be unnaturally free of defects, though also lacking in positive traits, such as reality. Real people all have some annoying features, and real relationships have to deal with this. The pros outweigh the cons.

I add whatever weight I can to Alorael's expert advice. Counseling psychologists are a really great resource. You absolutely do not have to be crazy to benefit from seeing one. I've been helped a lot by a few sessions, at times of stress in my life. In fact, to have gone through an episode of constructing an imaginary relationship, and discussed it with a counselor, could be a substantial asset in future real relationships. To be conscious of what you really want, and of what relationships can bring people, could make you quite a prize.

Edit to say that I mean what I say. Counseling is good. Getting counseling is not failure. I'm a physics professor, I'm a husband and father, I even used to be an infantry officer. If the only form of macho credential you recognize is being a biliionaire, okay, I'm not a billiionaire, or even a millionaire. But for other forms of macho success I can say, I've been there and it's [censored]. Three weeks ago my favorite paper got rejected by a good journal and I freaked out and came down with shingles. I went to the doctor and got some anti-viral pills and it's getting better pretty quickly. If I show the shiny side of the apple then my life looks just awesome, and if I turn the apple around then it still has the same kind of troubles that I had at 18, just in slightly different forms. Life is like that.

We got a cat recently. Cats are animals and their lives are simple. Human lives are harder; it's the price that we pay. The human edge is technology. Humans use it. Counseling psychology is technology. Using it is just smart.

Edit 2: First time I've hit the auto-censor, in all these years. I'm glad it was good.

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Come to think of it, growing up, I had a number of imaginary friends myself, well into my late teens. I never had any real friends, nevermind girlfriends, so I made them up. My "friends" were assorted video game characters and my "girlfriends" were as well, as well as girls I actually knew from school. All heavily fictionalized, of course, because I never talked to them to find out anything about them other than that they were pretty. I didn't go so far as to try to get people to think I was dating them, mind you. I kept it secret.

I never had a good therapist until 2011, largely due to stubbornness. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like now if I had one back then.

What resulted from this extended isolation was I ended up in a relationship with a lady named Ashley, the first one who came along, which lasted over seven years. That sounds good, but due to my lack of real-life socialization, she was looking for a boyfriend and ended up with a son instead, and now I have to live with the guilt that that's 7+ years spent with me that she'll never get back.

I actually was forced into group therapy by my mother, where I was thrust into a group of over 100 people five days per week. It was hard for a while, but it became easier within a few months, and then it became like home. I was surprised to find that despite my long-held beliefs, I am actually rather extroverted, not really introverted. I just never knew because I never put myself around a lot of people and tried to talk to them. Now I'm out of the program and doing other social things. I'm single now, having been on exactly one date since early last year when Ashley ditched me. I don't even especially care anymore, because I have such a healthy social life.

Group therapy may not be your thing, but most people who go through social isolation find that the only way to break the spell is by stepping outside one's comfort zone. After I left the program I forgot I still needed to socialize and made myself sick again, so in a few minutes I'll be heading over to a clubhouse for the mentally ill. I actually find the mentally ill make for the best company, at least as far as I'm concerned, but that's another story.

EDIT: No I won't. If the clubhouse is open today like I think they said they'd be, they're not answering their phones. Nevertheless, I got dressed. That's always a good thing.

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A normal person can work his own way though any (normal) problem that might arise.

There is no such thing as a normal person, and it is not abnormal to need the help of a mental health professional. To my knowledge, about 1/4 of the population has a mental illness which impacts their lives.

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Several people have opened up about very personal feelings and experiences in this thread. There are no doubt others reading who feel sensitive about the ways the topic might apply to them, as well. Please keep that in mind when you post here. Things that get said here are likely to be taken more personally and more seriously than is typical for Spiderweb.

Accordingly, this thread is probably not the best place for comedy, grandiose proclamations about mental health care systems, the use of imperatives, or assumptions that others are monoamorous/sexual/cis/straight.

tl;dr -- please think carefully about the impact of your words on others.

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Dragonboy, while I appreciate your edit and can see that you are not intending to be hurtful, your posts are hurtful. Implying that people (whether specific individuals here, or a broad class of people in general) are "not normal" is definitely not within the bounds of the code of conduct, which asks us to be friendly. Probably most of us are proud of being "not normal" in many ways, but the way you're talking about it here has a distinctly negative tone to it. Accordingly, I am giving you an official warning as a moderator. This is not an appropriate venue for any of the assertions you're making here.

Normally at this point we would lock the thread. I'm not locking the thread only because there may be people (for example, the OP) for whom it is an unusually helpful discussion, and I don't want to squelch it for them. Certainly there have been a lot of thoughtful posts here. But it is on the edge. Please be kind, all.

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Okay, since this thread is getting personal and sensible,I just want to take this time to share something personal, okay. I haven't shared these feelings in a while, I'l try to be as appropriate as possible though, since I know this is a family rated forum.

I'm already seeing a professional actually, and I've been seeing a professional since the age of 6. They've diagnosed me a multitute of mental disorders such as Bipolar, Asperger's, Manic Depression, and ADHD. I've been taking this mental medicine for over 10 years and none of it does one good for me.

In my childhood my parents fought physically everyday, and the police had to come to our apartment several times for domestic violence reports. When I was six years old I was molested by a stranger in his apartment. In school I was constantly bullied, beat up, and hated by everyone in my class. No one wanted to be my friend and I didn't understand why. Mom and Dad eventually got a divorced, and at the age of 11 I jumped out of my mom vehicle and nearly died. Thankfully I made full recovery though. After that I spent 2 years in a group home so that I may be "rehabilitated." Those were probably the worst years of my life. When I got out, things were a bit better. I was in a new high school, and kids didn't bully anymore. But I never attempted to make friends with anyone because I was too afraid too. I just wanted to be left alone. I hated the world at the time, and I hated myself during my childhood

As of right now, things are going a little better, but still not by much. Right now I'm in the adult group home system, living off of disability below the poverty level. I'm lonely and depressed, and I have no one to turn to for support really. I tried committing suicide 3 weeks ago in an unsuccessful attempt. I've been in the mental health system my whole life, and I'll tell you to it strait. It doesn't help.

I have a psychiatrist, case manager, and therapist, and none of them aren't helping me. The mental health system has failed me, and I'm failing myself too. I don't know how I can go on living with this pain anymore. That's why I choose to fantasize. Fantasy takes what's real away from me, and hides my sorrows from me. I'm sorry, but my life is just terrible, and I just wish there was a way out of this hole I'm in. Please, if you have any advice, just even a little can help me?

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I'm afraid I don't have anything helpful to say, RDR. But I do have a few general comments for the good of the board, including yourself.

First, I'm right there with you; I've struggled with major depression for most of my life. Fortunately, for me, the pills do help somewhat. They aren't a magic fix, though, and life is still hard. Money is hard. Being a woman is hard. Being a trans woman is hard. Capitalism and patriarchy need to be abolished for me to ever feel like I'll have a real shot at happiness. Until then, I would ask that folks please use some sort of trigger warning for abuse and suicide. There are certainly many folks that have those issues.

Second, for an increased general notice, it's good for everyone to have a therapist they can chat with. Of course, I heard this advice from a therapist, but nevertheless, I believe it. Life gets hard for everyone sometimes, regardless of if they have a mental illness or not. Loved ones die, careers suddenly get ended, disaster happens. It doesn't hurt to have a therapist to talk to, and it can actually really help.

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Regarding the drugs not working, there is a gene that helps metabolize most common drugs and if you have a defective version, then regular doses won't work. If you can get tested for free, it might help you to know what will work or if a different dosage might be better. I know I was glad to find out why I got no pain relief from aspirin and other over the counter types.

Another thing is to go the library and look up anything you are taking in The Physician's Desk Reference and use a medical dictionary to translate any possible adverse reactions the drug can give you into English. Some psychiatric drugs can cause suicidal tendencies in teens. This may only happen in a few percent of users, but if you are in that group than changing a drug might help.

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I can promise nothing but this-Things WILL get better. I have a mental disorder as well and it took me a while to find right med/schedule and after I did that I realized that I dont need to do certain things in my life, I am happy about me being me. For a while it was tough with voices and all that but when it got to where it is now-it was worth the stress.

Important things you have going on-

-You are helping yourself by seeking professional help (This is important)

-You have a support group (You have one up on me-I dont and still dont have one. I had one program that lasted for 3 months but after that there are none in my area that I go to on a regular basis. I CANT go to one close or even remotely close.

-You acknowledge what is going on. (Very important. If you know you are having these things happening that is much better to some people that DONT and will not acknowledge these things. This is a major strength.)

Dont give up even in the struggles of life. I know that it is easier said than done but things WILL get better, that I promise you.

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The fact that you mentioned Parkinson's makes it even more important that you see a professional (preferrably a psychologist) about this. While it is highly unlikely that it is a contributor, you'll want to rule out the possibility that it is causing neurological effects that are directly affecting your behavior or perception. Like I said, highly, highly doubtful, but you just want to err on the safe side.

I also have an imaginary friend, who I actively peddle up and down the pages of Linked In. He is a donkey. Yes, that's right, a donkey. His name is Hotay. He is the ass kicking ass from La Mancha. Now there are quite a few who know how he came by his name from what I have just written. For you who are still young ( Slarty, even though you may feel young at heart, you are still in the first group.) If I tell you that he is the donkey named Hotay, I may get a few more light bulbs.

Eh, I'm not weirded out. I used to go to Portal of Evil (defunct but great links archive to strange, crazy, or just plain f'd up websites), and they encountered stuff like otherkin, soulbonded, and even OTAKUKIN. Hell, there was one otherkin-- he was mostly more sane and at least not anti intellectual and pretentious like most internet otherkin back then, but uh... Well, he had an adopted imaginary friend dragon or something like that daughter (she was basically a soul without a body) and an imaginary dragon roomate (same) The dragon wasn't alright in the head, and one day, the dragon murdered his adopted daughter. I don't recall precisely what happened after that except that the dragon I think ran off and was never seen again. He has been devastated ever since but forgives the dragon. The guy's name is Baxil, if you want to read his story or something.

A common theme with the otherkin is that they usually choose a magnificent creature (fairy, dragon, elf, werewolf, angel, griffin), and it always had a magnificent or glorious life-- e.g. the dragon otherkins were almost always a general, diplomat, or something to that effect. They never choose the ugly or lowly creatures like trolls. Another common theme is that their real life selves... tend to be loser-ish or simply plain the opposite of their otherkin soul (e.g. it seems like dragon kin are always short, non-muscular, and fairly to severely overweight. Also, I remember one guy on Portal of Evil who said that he knew a 'kin in middleschool who believed he was an Ent. Said kid was also the shortest student in the classroom)

So yeah, I don't find yours all that odd at all.

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Regarding the drugs not working, there is a gene that helps metabolize most common drugs and if you have a defective version, then regular doses won't work. If you can get tested for free, it might help you to know what will work or if a different dosage might be better. I know I was glad to find out why I got no pain relief from aspirin and other over the counter types.

Cytochrome P450 isn't a gene, it's a whole bunch of genes (over 50 at last count, although between five and ten account for most drug metabolism). If you have a nonfunctional copy of one of the cytochromes (surprisingly common) the effects can be varied. Some drugs you need much lower or more infrequent doses because it will stick around in your system much longer. Other drugs actually have to be metabolized to activate them, so they won't work right. Other people have overactive versions of a particular cytochrome, so the drugs will be removed too fast. Drugs can increase or decrease cytochrome activity. Drug metabolism is complicated.

Aspirin actually isn't metabolized by the cytochrome system, but it's one of the drugs that can increase the activity of a particular cytochrome protein (CYP2C19), so taking aspirin can modify the effects of some other medications.

The fact that you mentioned Parkinson's makes it even more important that you see a professional (preferrably a psychologist) about this. While it is highly unlikely that it is a contributor, you'll want to rule out the possibility that it is causing neurological effects that are directly affecting your behavior or perception. Like I said, highly, highly doubtful, but you just want to err on the safe side.

Parkinson's is usually treated by neurologists, sometimes with input from a psychiatrist if there is a large component of psych symptoms (most commonly depression). A psychologist really isn't who you want to talk to first; there's good treatment for Parkinson's, but it's medical and occasionally surgical; psychologists aren't trained to diagnose Parkinson's and can't prescribe anything in any case.

—Alorael, who admits to struggling with weighing in on this topic. It's hard for him to know where to put boundaries on advising or when to butt out of threads. He's mostly sticking to matters of fact for now.

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I'm having trouble following your post, Hyena of Ice. Missing words, unclear pronouns and addressing, and it was Harehunter who mentioned Parkinson's Disease, not RainbowDashRadical.

As far as overcompensating, I once spent a while daydreaming about hanging out with Twilight Sparkle, like, all day, for a couple weeks. I couldn't figure out why but I just knew it was more pleasant than spending time with my then-girlfriend. Eventually I realized that if my now-ex was an otherkin, she would be Twilight Sparkle (circa season 2), and something was seriously broken in our relationship that was making the horse more appealing company than the human. We sorted it out, but of course it didn't last long anyway.

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—Alorael, who admits to struggling with weighing in on this topic. It's hard for him to know where to put boundaries on advising or when to butt out of threads. He's mostly sticking to matters of fact for now.

For what little it is worth, everything that you put in this post seems perfectly appropriate to me, since you are just providing the facts and details behind items that others have mentioned. None of your statements can be interpreted as an evaluation, diagnosis, suggested treatment, etc. It is nice not being a health care provider, so I can offer my un-educated opinion whenever I want on the topics that appear routinely on these boards. Fortunately, there are never topics on these boards that intersect my professional license.

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I have no desire to make jest out of anything in this thread but after reading through this I felt moved to say that I have a really really REALLY stable and normal healthy life compared to some people and I am very thankful for that.

It is eye opening to read some of these internal struggles that some people are having and, while every person deals with their own demons, thankfully I can say mine are not in the league expressed in the posts above.

I guess I am trying to say thanks for sharing but in typical fashion I am using about 5x as many words as required.

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I don't think it's actually insane - you are aware that she is imaginary, after all.

Also, I don't think you're missing out on much by skipping some crushes. When something real arrives, I believe you'll let go of Katie, and crushes, by themselves, are basically a waste of time - you obsess over some good-looking stranger, and then you find out they're married, an idiot, or both.

19 isn't really that much. I hadn't kissed a girl by then either.

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So, my personal opinion on having an imaginary girlfriend is that it projects what you desire and reinforces or provides a means of validation. For example, I cuddled with Kara a lot. I also highly value physical closeness. Part of her character was a manifestation of an unsatisfied urge of mine. Another was talking to me, since I felt a lack of attention. She also had black hair. I'm more into blondes now, though. Anyway... I am primarily motivated by the approval of others, so creating or deluding myself into false versions of other people that allow me to oversimplify complex situations or to avoid coping with a difficult reality that I didn't want to accept was a solution for me. Also keep in mind that I'm not religious, so I didn't have any other personal connection within me to find strength or to commune with, as it were.

I think it's perfectly normal. The advantages are certainly clear: Your invention would never leave you, and is bound to be largely in agreement with you as the two are synonymous. When I was younger, I also had an imaginary girlfriend (whom I mentioned earlier), as well as other imaginary characters which I often found myself trying to interact with or spend time with when I was alone. The way I got over this was by finding other people on the internet. Friends, basically. I mean, I have some in real life that I hang out with occasionally, but I'm more often talking to people on Skype or whatever. I'm introverted, socially awkward, unsocial due to being homeschooled for most of my life and not going to enough events, preferring to spend time alone. I didn't really have too many opportunities to interact with people in real life. I don't mean to discount alone time as the cause, but understand that it can compound existing thoughts, especially unhealthy ones.

One issue I think I see in your case is that an over-reliance on her might cause you to miss out on opportunities available to you, because you want to spend time or further invest in her. The way I see it, it's a very emotionally/mentally involved way to cope with a problem, but shouldn't prevent you from trying other solutions.