Why you hate everyone is an interesting mindset to adopt. When I encounter this range of thought I usually wonder one of three things:

How hurt or angry is this person?

Hurt and anger left unresolved can feel like hate. If this is the root of your hating everyone its time to evaluate who you are and who you’d like to be. If you’ve been hurt that’s acceptable. Treat your injuries. Seek emotional support. Work to forgive the wrongdoer. The lack of forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.

If you hate everyone, is it hate or is it hurt by so many? You don’t have to stay hurt and you don’t have to carry the weight of the lack of forgiveness. If who you want to be isn’t hurt and angry make some changes. You will either work to resolve your hurt or you will pass it on.

The preemptive rejection or low self-esteem.

If you hate someone before they hate you, you win, right? Or does this hate that’s there to protect actually keep people from knowing or connecting to you. With few exceptions, everyone wants to be liked and accepted.

If you decide you dislike people before they decide they dislike you, you start and conclude an unfortunate story long before you have to know. Try assuming that instead of people are mean or uninterested assume that people want to be liked. When you meet that need they recuperate it.

Personality disorders.

Antisocial personality disorder, narcissism, and certain ranges of histrionic personality disorders legitimately hate everyone. However, if you’re asking the question, why do I hate everyone and how do I change this, it is unlikely these personality disorders apply to you. These personality disorders generally lack insight and awareness. If you’re in these ranges, see a therapist. You’d be surprised what you can overcome. However, most cases fall in the range of my first two sections.

Lastly, if you’re running too hard or feeling burned out, this can cause you to hate everyone or feel like it. Might see how much you have left to give others. If you’re short, it’s time to fill up. Attend to your emotional well-being. A little emotional fulfillment can change the way the world looks.

As a coach and consultant, I often hear people say that they “hate everyone” and to be honest, there is a lot of nastiness out there in the world, and it’s very easy to let that get you down. Most people who are focusing on hating everyone have turned their attention to the negative things going on around them – they focus on the deficits and the problems. That naturally leads to a sense of “the world has gone to Hades” and people will withdraw.

However, we are all inherently social creatures. Research shows that we are happier when we connect with others in positive supportive ways. We are happier when we do acts of kindness for other people, compared to doing acts of kindness for ourselves. Even introverts are happier when they are with others compared to when they are alone. Being with others is important for our wellbeing, and it’s no surprise that “relationships” figures in most models of wellness and wellbeing.

So how can you get over hating everyone? There are two great options that are no-cost and require just a mindset shift and some practice.

Focus on what is working well.

We tend to let the good little things pass us by without notice and positive emotions are often fleeting compared to weightier negative ones. When you turn your attention to that which is life-giving and positive, you change your brain and your outlook on life and humanity.

Express gratitude.

Expressing thankfulness and appreciation for the good things and good people in your life goes a long way and can make you a better person, especially when that gratitude is expressed in person in real time. This is more than the automatic “thank you” that our well-mannered parents taught us; this is heartfelt gratitude that you get to spend some time with – a true feeling of gratefulness and appreciation.

If you truly feel that you hate the whole world and everyone in it, your brain has developed certain habits and routines and defaults that have become your automatic outlook. Changing it will take time and it’s a new skill to develop – it will feel fake at first. But over time and with practice, seeing the good and expressing gratitude will become more natural and you will likely feel happier and more connected as a result.

You think that no one can be trusted.

This typically happens when people have past experiences that distort their view of others and this world. If you believe that no one can be trusted then you will likely “hate people”.

To validate this way of thinking you must develop thinking patterns that help you keep people pushed away and unable to get personally involved with you. It means you have a heightened exterior posture of resistance and an attitude of disgust for others.

People fail to understand the details that suggest hating and only identify with that feeling. As the layers are pulled back you can often find evidence of unhealed hurts from their past. You can protect yourself and punish everyone else.

When you see somebody who looks like someone that you associate with a feeling of ‘annoyance’, your amygdala activates the part of the brain that is associated with aggression. Essentially, you ‘hate’ them because you perceive them as something that flares up your negative emotions.

Another aspect that affects your likeability of a person is your ability to understand them – or their ability to make themselves understood to you. Our ability to communicate is something that makes us innately human, so any misunderstandings can very quickly lead to hate.

High expectations.

One of the best ways to not hate people so much is to lower your expectations of them. They can’t get on your nerves if you don’t give them the chance to let you down. That doesn’t mean that you should be patronizing, but it will mean that you’re in control of the situation rather than your emotions.

Communication.

Make sure to focus when you’re communicating with someone that you hate, or with people in general. Try to really listen to what the other person is saying even if it makes you question what planet they come from.

Boundaries.

It’s one thing to hate everyone, but it’s another thing entirely to hate one specific person.. If you know there is one person who just gets on your very last nerve, then create boundaries with them to reduce any of your triggers and maintain your sanity.

The reason why you hate everyone is that you have a deep-rooted issue (or issues) within yourself.

But instead of facing your own insecurities you would rather project those emotions on other people. In the counseling field, we call that a defense mechanism.

According to Sigmund Freud, projection is what happens when unwanted feelings are displaced onto another person, where they then appear as a threat from the external world. A common form of projection occurs when an individual, threatened by his own angry feelings, accuses another of harboring hostile thoughts.

All that really means is that:

If you hate people who are successful then you are really mad that you do not feel successful. If you hate people who are confident then really you hate them because you don’t feel confident. And if you hate people because of what they have, then deep down you are really upset at yourself because you don’t have.

The solution to this is that instead of hating on other people or even hating on yourself; work on yourself and get the same things you hate other people for.

Marta Spirk

Certified Success Coach

Have you heard the saying “the way you do one thing is the way you do everything?” Well, I’d like to expand on that and say “the way you feel about someone or something is the way you feel about everyone or everything.“

You can’t love anyone until you truly love yourself.

A person that has a negative attitude and outlook of the world (and people) actually has a negative perspective of themselves. Meaning, you can’t love anyone until you truly love yourself. The way we feel about ourselves gets projected into the world and onto other people.

I remember when I first realized that what I criticized the most in others had everything to do with the things I didn’t accept or like about myself – it was such an eye-opening moment because we usually don’t realize how everything is interconnected. I’d heard about several Universe theories that preach we are one, but never truly understood it until it dawned on me: what goes around comes back around. And that’s the basic foundation to change a negative attitude towards others. There’s no way you can fully engage in any relationship if your relationship with yourself is disconnected.

If you hate everyone, you really hate yourself and the way to change it is to begin a process of self-reflection, self-discovery to reconnect with your true essence.

What I usually recommend is taking the Enneagram test to understand your personality better and start journaling, counseling, and coaching.