I'm not sure how to say this but sometimes I get addicted to (or maybe it's obsessed with) a person. that's actually how my whole problem started back in high school. any time it happens I get so bad that I can't function. guys, this is so hard for me to write, help me out? ok, listen, I'm a girl and it usually happens with females. That scares me (I can't spell it out, but figure it out), although my therapist said she's not worried about that.

I think this might be the root of my problem but I just can't clear it up and it's been sooo long. I remember in high school my principal told me it is so common, but I have yet to meet someone who would talk to me about it. Anyone?

I have this problem too and I did some research into borderline after I was diagnosed with it and one of the symptoms (I think) is an obsession with people. Don't know if that helps you at all though. Gluck!

Perhaps you suffered some forms of abandonment earlier in life and that left an effect on you. You find a friend, a confidant, and your subconscious warns you that you might lose this person too, so you feel insecure now. You become obsessed and clingy, as if you're preventing her from leaving you. But your very obsession and "addiction", how you call it, might suffocate the friendship and push the other person away. There is nothing wrong with you. It's simply due to some underlying issues and with the help of a therapist you should be able to explore inside of you and get to the core of it and hopefully learn new ways to build and trust relationships. Keep us posted.

What is SI?ineedspace - it's actually completely different. Not that I'm afraid to lose them but that as soon as I find someone I like (it's always someone older than me), I completely lose the ability to be myself around them, or if I am able to fake it, all I worry about is whether i will be able to be myself the next time I see them. Also, it's usually not someone that is so possible to have a really close relationship with, but I always want it to be reeeaaally close and obsess over that too.Basically, when I like someone, I actually try to make them think I don't like them.

SI=self injury, I used to be the exact same way as you describe, it could definitely be worked on, I suggest bringing it up with your therapist. btw, you sound like a really sensitive person and with the right tools could go on to help others.

My therapist knows and has known for over a year and still no progress in that area. It happens less often, but when it does happen I don't know how to deal with it, and don't understand it.wishtobehappy - you really also unconsciously try to push people away while you try to bring them closer? (or maybe you misunderstood because of my typo). If this is what you meant, do you know a possible cause of why someone would do such a thing?and thanx for the compliment, made me happyI actually hope to have a career in psych.

yes I'm the same and also have an extremely hard time getting attached to people, by me it's trust, it's part of borderline symptoms, but getting better, as I said, it's probably related to an insecure attatchment when you were younger, and as Ineedspace mentioned, possibly involving abuse and neglect. you'll make a great therapist, go for it.

how long did it take you to work it through? should i be worried that it's over a year since i came to my therapist with this problem and IT IS STILL HERE? (Although those first few months i spent getting over a trauma that had just happened, except it was related to this problem, so something should have been worked out already! (basically someone took advantage of my obsession with her to meet her own twisted needs). Since I started therapy, I've been obsessed with no less than 4 people at different times.

sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience, I don't think we have the exact same issues though, I get obsessed in my mind, but don't show it, so I couldn't really be taken advantage of in such a way... anyway, I wouldn't say I'm completely over it, but definitely better, if you're in therapy for a year and working on this specific issue, you should be seeing some difference, unless you're working on different issues first, or unless your t is not too familiar with borderline tendencies... hope you feel better soon, stay strong.

Chocandp...yes, it makes sense that after a year of therapy the issue still exists. Therapy is a long and gradual process. From what you're sharing it sounds like you push these people away for FEAR OF REJECTION. You may not even be aware, but possibly you suffered from rejection at a very young age and YOU WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN, and so you reject them before you can ever god forbid feel rejected again. And you're saying its usually some1 older. Perhaps what you're looking for is a parent figure? I'm not sure, It's my own assumption. It may be that little child in you still looking for that adult who has possibly rejected you in the past. This is a very deep and painful feeling; wanting to be close, accepted, and loved yet pushing them away. And about being yourself, perhaps growing up you HAD to be someone else in order to be loved and you developed that self-fulfilling prophecy about yourself?? ...it's hard...difficult...wish I can be more helpful. I can only assure you that with the help of your T, you will get better. Love yourself, accept yourself, respect yourself, and so will others.

your ideas all make sence. i think im going to my pdoc soon, maybe ill be brave enough to bring it up...also abt pushing away"sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down" thats why i cling/push away... it took me ahile to realize it, but i did..what are symptoms of borderline?also , therapy is not a magic cure.. you have to activly participate and work at it. but if you are trying, maybe talk to your T abt it.. sometimes getting better is that your NOT Getting worse, wich sounds good, ya?

I think I'm different from you guys, cuz I only try to push away the person that I am obsessed with. With everyone else, it's fine. Also, the person usually doesn't know about it, just that this person got lucky when she made her move, because I was already obsessed with her and let her do what she wanted!And also, I feel a lot of pain, because I feel guilty that I'm having such thoughts about someone. Basically I'm scared I'm partially lesbian. I hinted at this in my first post, but no one commented on it, so I'm saying it straight out. It could be I push them away because i think i'm doing something bad by liking them. And I don't talk to boys, so I don't really know what s*xual feelings are like. I have no idea if what i'm feeling is that I want to confide in them, hug them, or .... more? Maybe it's a combination of both, but I can't separate out the regular from the not regular.My t said it's definitely not borderline, and I trust her on that. I guess it can happen as it's own separate thing. Thanx for listening - I know you can't actually help me like a therapist, but for me this is better than therapy. In therapy, I often sit there for a while just not being able to talk, which is really hard. Here, i can write without being scared that I will be judged, so I can just write freely, no getting stuck, what a relief. Hey, I have an idea for a signature....

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, just because you have these feelings doesn't mean you're lesbian, as you said, you didn't even give a boy a chance yet, some people lack the basic nurturing we're supposed to receive from our mothers and this can manifest as a desire to connect to an older a woman, a mother figure so to speak.. that's my humble opinion at least...

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.