An insight into the world of films from a girl obsessed with jellyfish

Day 95 – Manos: The Hands of Fate

As you may have guessed, I’m back at my friend’s house! Yay! That means more and more films shall be watched! Yay! I’m eager to get started, aren’t you?

Manos: The Hands of Fate. A couple on their way to vacation stumble across a little hut in the middle of nowhere and stuff happens.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This film was possibly the worst excuse I have ever seen for a film. By that I mean that everything was wrong with it. I mean it. There was not one decent shot, line, character, anything throughout the whole thing.

But you know what? I loved watching it.

This is one of those films that is so so so awful that you can’t help but find it bed-wettingly funny. I mean it. It is the worst film in existence if you look at it from a director’s point of view. It is so low budget, so badly edited, so obviously dubbed. If you were the director of that film, you would probably want to go throw yourself off of a cliff, poison yourself, stab your face repeatedly and then maybe let somebody kill you. But watching it now in 2012, it is comic gold.

Every single shot of this film was painstakingly unnecessary and long. The first 10 minutes of the damn film is watching them drive with really strange music playing over so loud that you can’t hear the odd occasion when they do speak. And then we have the back and forth shots from the couple to the ‘eerie’ painting that was just like, what? Oh, and let’s not forget the 5 minute bitch fight scene that was funny to start and then just got worse and worse and oh God make it stop. I don’t know what kind of director, or even actor, would be satisfied with what they did in this film.

The acting was so bad. So bad. There actually are no words to describe the level of acting in this film. It makes Nicholas Cage seem like a freaking Shakespearean actor! And the lines. Oh God the lines! I never want to hear the line ‘It’s my baby. It’ll be alright’ again because it was said about 4 times. I actually think it was a recorded line recycled. A lot of the lines felt that way. They didn’t have the time to actually do it properly so they pulled a few people off the street, gave them a fiver and said ‘hey, read these lines for us. You’ll be famous.’ Yup. I’ve figured it all out now.

Oh. But there was one magical glimmer of genius in this whole film. One word: Torgol. The man with the weirdest legs in the history of films. We had to sit and watch this poor man in clearly painful costume struggle to drag a dead-weight man across the screen. I felt so bad for him. His acting skills were amazing (and by that I mean scarily bad). He is the creepiest bugger ever. But. But! He is indestructible. About 3 times did the ‘Master’ say he was going to die, and at no point did he die. You go Torgol. I’ve got your back.

But despite all of this really really shockingly awful stuff, I have to say that it was a blast to watch. Unlike some of the other films that I’ve seen, I would actually sit through this again. Not alone, of course. I will try and convince a few of my other friends to sit through it and laugh with me. It truly holds the title for the worst film ever made, and I love it because it is the worst film ever made.

So, that was a pleasant turn of events. I now go to watch a film that is actually going to kill my brain cells. Wish me luck.