Fake help-wanted ads for "Mass Effect 2"

(click ads, via) First off, I am not a "Gamer," never have been, never will be. However, this effort for the new EA futuristic role-playing blow shit up game—via Australian ad agency US Sydney—seems pretty damn smart. FYI: Cerberus is a "black-ops organization" within the game. The agency placed these recruitment ads on Seek, Australia's leading jobs site. A fair amount of people, including Gamers, are un(or under)employed these days. But! Serious Gamers will always find the funds for their favorite titles, amirite?related: Kiwi Army looking for a few good Tetris players.

I WOULD spread the word about HIV, but I can't talk with this condom on my tongue.

That would be some uncomfortable oral, wouldn't it boys and girls? This concept, by the Milan office of agency.com, is what we ad folk like to call a "first idea." Usually, first ideas end up in the trash can, like used condoms. Also, this video should have been about half as long. Here's the accompanying website for the effort. And here's a bunch of people with condom's on their tongues (the ones with green rubbers are especially disgusting). Previous HIV awareness ads: (nsfw) Pubes. Old-timey Porn. Super depressing. Condom-suffocated Chihuahua. Handsy. 14,123 condoms? Ken Cole handbags=AIDS. And trippy.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fashion Ad Hooey Of The Week.

(click ad, scanned from the latest Gotham) This almost makes me like the new Diesel stupidity. Fellow Italian fashion brand Brunello Cucinelli gets all Eastern philosophical with an unknown (Google and Bartlett's turned up zilch) gooey bit of hooey, combined with a probable stock photo of an Asian girl in dirty stockings with cherries on them. Their website is full of more thoughtful bullshit from Dostoevsky, Socrates, etc. Free scholarly sound bites: I guess that's one way to try to justify charging $1,000 for sweaters.Previous pretentious fashion ads:Uniqlo.Superette.Meltin' Pot.Kate Spade.Frankie Morello.Comme de Garçons.Ermenegildo Zegna.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Nicabate nicotine patches.

(NSFW) An anonymous woman doing chores in lingerie.

update: if YouTube removes it again, click here to watch. Every lazy (physically and mentally) man's fantasy. Ad agency-less video for unmentionables brand Damaris by Justin Anderson (via). Said the director: "I asked girls about their cleaning routine and the answers I got were as hilarious as they were varied. High on the list was wearing underwear whilst doing the cleaning..." I find that doubtful. Must've been a limited survey sample. It's quirkiness is somewhat appealing, but why does the woman remain anonymous (pay scale? though, there are a couple quick face peaks.)? Warning: the end credits roll over the model's bare ass as she stands in the shower. Not long for YouTube. Previously: Video of models playing with fatty meats and potato salad. Video of a pasty, doughy man named Jeff playing with a giant Cheetos.

Are there no thieves in Lima?

Peru's Interbank has 150 offices nationwide and total assets (2008) of $14.57 billion, according to Wikipedia. To let Peruvians know that "your money is safe in Interbank," their ad agency, JWT Lima, erected a few fish tank installations on the streets of the main banking zones of the city. Inside the tanks were some pretty fat packs of Benjamins (why not nuevos soles?), some rocks, annnd some piranhas. The bank claims "the money was kept intact, nobody dared touch it." This is bullshit; there had to be security personnel assisting the toothy guard fish. In this economy, in any economy, somebody would've put on protective gloves and robbed them blind. The US Dollar isn't that devalued (via). Previously in: Live fish ad installation. Live tadpole ad installation.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

(*jesus*)

(click ad, scanned from this week's Onion) Via NYC's Nolita House website: "Nolita House's friendly setting conveys a neighborhood charm where guests can experience great comfort food, libations, artisan cheese and entertainment in a relaxed environment." Hmm. No hint of juvenileness there. Maybe this ad has something to do with their love of "Snookie" (sic) from Jersey Shore? related: OMFG! related: Mexican restaurant features chilled TP in the bathrooms.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wrangler.

...and, maybe, just maybe, buy yourself a little life insurance.

(click ad, via) Sweet glowing Jesus, what an aggressive passive-aggressive insurance-selling advert from the Cold War year of 1951. Click the ad, and enter Mutual of Omaha's Wild Tale Kingdom. The copy is flash-blindly optimistic. "Your immediate reaction much be to shield yourself from the flash of brilliance"—Yes, drop and cover your head with your suit jacket, fat man/little boy (the bomb can't see me!), and everything will be just fucking fine—as long as you hold your position "for at least 10 seconds." Also, according to the informative yet bleak drawing, as long as I was a mere 2 miles from the epicenter, it looks like I would've been scot- and blast-free. Which was just a hot white lie.Previous retro nuclear bombvertising:The 39 kiloton exclamation point!Massachusetts A-Bomb Protection pamphlet.Even this (mushroom) cloud has a silver lining.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Retro Bra Ad Of The Week.

(click ad, via) Travel back to October 1941 with me and meet the mutantly-proportioned minx Dot Cole, official little spokes-thang for the Formfit Life bras. That's it Dot baby, touch your toes—are you not wearing panties?!? I'd write a nasty limerick for you, but I'm a little busy. Maybe you can add one in the comments (PervertRanter wrote this post).Previous Retro Bra Ads:1950s—The bra of Hollywood starlets, $1.00.1963—Frederick's blow-up bras.1970s—The Nipple Bra™.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: AIDES Foundation.

(NSFW) The latest from American Apparel's crack ad team: Nipples and Porn.

(click ads, via) Left, new AA Japan ad. Nipples yet again. At least the pants-optional CEO is mixing it up, body parts-wise, in the Land of the Rising Sun. His inaugural Japanese ad featured ass cheeks. Right, it's Dov's new adult performer fave Faye Reagan, star of such short films as Cock Pigs and Fuck For Dollars 5. No, I'm not a follower of her career trajectory, I was informed of her identity when I happened to post her first AA ad. Rather demure pose, especially when compared to past AA porn star ads. To those of you wondering why I continue to follow this inartful sullying of Helvetica, well it's just an admittedly misguided mission that started 3 and 1/2 years ago.

Monday, January 18, 2010

In Thailand, even the cookies flash you.

(click ads, via) Previously in the skeevy sex capital of the world, we've seen E.D. humor used to sell fabric softener, and farm animal necrophilia used to sell meat seasoning. Now, via print ads by Bangkok ad agency K I D, pixlelated naughty bits are used to sell chocolate and strawberry-filled cookies or biscuits or something (a Lotte product, whose name means "sweetheart of your mouth"). Note the pixelations: wang for the male koala bear cookie, and breasts and nookie for the pink bear cookie. Why is the copy line not "EAT ME!!!"?

Revolting chocolate ads.

(click ads, via) "The dark side of sweetness" alright. Which of these ads for Caribú bitter chocolate is the sickest? The chick in the meat grinder, or the poisoning of little Sis? Well, creative nit, that's not what a baby chick would look like coming out of meat grinder, that's for sure. But hey, the ads are for adults, right, so I should lighten up? Thing is, if you're advertising food, turning someone's stomach is just a stupid idea. The obvious question here is: did the ads run/are they scheduled to run? The agency, El Garaje Lowe in Lima, Peru, does list full in-house credits at the source, so maybe? Previous disgusting food ad visuals:Subway's stomach sub.Orbit's puke-flavored gum.McDonald's human finger fries.The Spider-man 3 cobweb cheeseburger.Manhattan's most disgusting Gyro posters.

(slightly nsfw) Naked women pose with huge food for the W Network.

(click ads, via) Campaign for the show "How To Look Good Naked Canada" (the US version airs on Lifetime, hosted by Carson Kressley) where women are encouraged to strip nude for the camera to boost their self-esteem. Well. The "muffin top" lady has a bit of a muffin top, I suppose. But the pear-shaped woman isn't at all, really. Her butt is rather decently proportioned, though she's certainly not shaped like an auto lock jimmy like this anorexic Bergdorf Goodman model. Ad agency: zig in Chicago. Previously in: Marketing to Women.