Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Healthcare Insurance Reform Cicadas have risen once again after 16 years of underground silence.

The “Cicada HCIR” has shown itself to be a loud and highly irritating insect indigenous to the U-S-of-A since debuting in the 1940’s when Harry S. Truman first cleared his throat with the annoying HCIR hum he’d picked up from his predecessor, Franklin D.

While insurance protection in every imaginable form is as old as mankind, it doesn’t appear that modern day legislative regulation of the insurance industry has really influenced the hard core, down and dirty facets of the business overly much. And the most recent “Cicada HCIR” cyclical uprising has once again directed special attention toward the health insurance sector of the industry.

With all eyes now focused on the deficiencies in American healthcare coverage, we just couldn’t resist one look in the rear view mirror to observe the approach of a black Lincoln Towncar with ebony tinted windows as it pulled along the curb and parked. The sedan’s doors opened in unison and two piece-packing, black suited professionals sporting dark sunglasses stepped out onto the sidewalk with a job to do. The gangster collection agents were out in force to squeeze payment from the neighborhood in exchange for protection.

Strong arm collection styles are understandably believed by most to be outright extortion.

Nevertheless, there was a time long ago when buying this kind of insurance protection really meant buying protection, and the organization collecting premiums from the locals usually stood behind its protection promises because it kept out the competition and granted monopolized dominion over very valuable turf. The ‘organizzazione familia’ naturally kept all premium payments collected as profit for there were no shareholders to share with, no underwriters, no exclusionary clauses for pre-existing conditions.

There’s little question that the neighborhood had been made an offer it couldn’t refuse. Paying up meant insurance coverage was in force. Payment not tendered when the hood collectors banked on having their palms greased resulted in premature end of life issues that were finished off with assertive euthanasia lacking in the customary compassion or compunction.

Like “The Godfather Insurance” days of yesteryear, there still remains an honor amongst thieves, and all honor goes to bottom line profits.

American health insurance policyholders have also been made an offer they can’t refuse, except there’s no one ensuring that the protections paid for and promised are actually being provided. Instead, top priority goes to substantially increasing shareholder profits which are dependent upon the number of claims not paid and policyholders being denied essential healthcare services.

If Al Capone had been running the health insurance racket for the last century, would the industry be any different today?

For other profitable turf masters, see our ‘In The Rear View Mirror’ January 13, 2009 posting "What Comes in 3’s?"

Saturday, July 11, 2009

We had a dream……and in that dream we found ourselves ascending so swiftly that the Milky Way vanished in the blink of an eye as we made our way ever higher into the Great Beyond.

Moving with such great speed, we never expected the abrupt halt and free fall that deposited us directly in the middle of a grand opening celebration apparently in full swing. Regrettably we’d missed the silver cord cutting ceremony only two weeks earlier.

Above us flew a myriad of banners that were being pulled behind winged astral bodies like something seen at the beach in the summertime when those little airplanes fly along the coastline with banner advertisements for captive viewing sunbathers. These Great Beyond banners all read “CHANGE YOUR HAIR, CHANGE YOUR NEXT LIFE”.

By the looks of it, Farrah Fawcett’s new hair salon was the mane event. Personalities were lined up around Orion's Belt waiting for the rare opportunity to co-create either a do-over or a make-over of their next incarnation, and Farrah’s guarantee was hair to define you.

Some recent additions to the ethers patiently waited in line for their turn in the stylist's chair. We smiled as they peacefully submitted to Farrah’s angelic touch, and the vision of another walk around the wheel of life. One by one they came, and we listened as they ordered up their next experience:

Robert McNamara was poised to receive the full compliment of serving his country, and promptly requisitioned a Jarhead Buzz cut to go along with his new hard body for a lifetime of service on the front lines.

Ed McMahon decided he had absolutely no intention of going out broke the next time around and immediately ordered up “The Donald” Cotton Candy Comb Over.

Michael Jackson quickly grabbed his crotch before floating in backwards toward the chair in a moon walk. He knew for a fact that growing up sucks and requested the life of a little person with Shirley Temple ringlets.

Karl Malden got an ego boost with a sculptured nose job by Michelangelo which fit nicely with his newly styled Mullet because now it was all business in the front and party in the back. The Davidesque nose-Mullet cut combo augmented with a flaming farmer’s tan and new GM pickup would make him a babe magnet for sure.

Mr. Infomercial Billy Mays insisted on getting volumized with Blago Hair products not only because “It’s Bleep’n Golden”, but because he knew that if he could sell Oxi-Clean and Kaboom, he could sell a seat in the Senate without getting busted.

And then we woke up and wondered if the philosophy “as above, so below” holds true, then wouldn’t “CHANGE YOUR HAIR, CHANGE YOUR LIFE” work for us right now?

To be blinded by the spotlight, see our ‘In The Rear View Mirror’ May 12, 2009 posting "The Boyling Point".

Saturday, July 4, 2009

As our industrialized nation and its citizens plummet ever deeper into debt and default, it’s heartening to see behavioral masterminds fast at work discovering new ways to squeeze blood out of a turnip.

It seems no line exists today that a bill collector won’t cross in its quest to wring payment from a distressed customer with a past due account. Evidence of this can be seen in the latest mass manipulation technique which involves the formulation of consumer psych profiles in order to diagnose individual lifestyle situations and preferences. These profiles are then extensively analyzed to determine how the information can be utilized and twisted to either emotionally extract payment or power market.

Should the reality of an unauthorized personal psychological profile not prove invasive enough, then perhaps it’s time we let it all hang out in a world where our private inner thoughts are secretly scanned, catalogued and interpreted for future use and without our permission. Well never fear, for Neuroscience has been busy in the background refining the art of mind reading with Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging, or FMRI, research.

In the rear view mirror we saw an atom split to create a distinct fork in the road of providence. The high road of providence seemed illuminated and benevolent as it offered the prospect of an advanced energy source and the opportunity to improve quality of life for the masses on planet Earth. The low road of providence, however, proved to be dark and sinister as its highway led promptly to the atomic bomb and the ability to render mass destruction in a fly-by. The bulk of the research money looks to have taken the low road.

This new wave neuro-technology has created another fork in the road of providence – a fork that cannot clearly offer an unobstructed view beyond the approaching horizon’s blind spots. And like the potential of a split atom, the road taken will undoubtedly depend on the motivation and intention of those providing the essential research funding. Or as some would say, just follow the money....

To ponder the intricacies of merely one person’s consciousness and the unique experiences that influence and form it, is mind boggling at best. The data now being compiled will ultimately require interpretation by some to-be-named professional qualified under some to-be-determined criteria, yet we wonder if it’s possible to really anticipate the perceptions and true intentions deep within a human psyche.

It was funny when Johnny Carson’s “Carnac the Magnificent” knew the answers before the questions had even been asked partly because it had no true basis in our reality of the time. Funny how the humor begins to fade as we witness the present day reality of a rapidly compiled comprehensive thought identification data base, and the prospect of undisclosed powers believing they know the answers before the questions have even been asked.

In true Sci-Fi fashion and resembling that of contemporary attempts to block covert interceptions of private wireless phone conversations, we suspect few will be surprised to hear whispers of an underground movement actively employing countermeasures designed to block or jam involuntary random mind-reading scans on the ground.

How our thoughts are interpreted and how that information will be used to manipulate us in obscure ways is sufficiently disconcerting, but what we really want to know is who's going to own our minds and the thoughts it produces?

About Us

"In The Rear View Mirror" is a creative collaboration between Writer, DK King and Artist, KAd Collins.
USER'S GUIDE and DISCLAIMER:
This is clearly our spoofy perception of life and current events in the 21st century. What we post here is for the mind-altering entertainment of our readers and if you don't get it, we probably can’t help you there. Maybe you're just standing in our blind spot. What we can do though, is help you learn to speak our language. All you need to do is pan down to the "DICTIONARY and USER'S DEFINITIONS" glossary section provided below the postings. Enjoy the ride! DK$KAd

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WHAT'S THE POINT?

InTheRearViewMirror.com is a creative collaboration between Writer, DK King, and Artist, KAd Collins, designed to deliver a satirical, humorous twist on everyday life and current events in an editorial styled blog.

An ironic parody of the obvious and absurd as seen through collective eyes, our stories are often visionary, and at times even futuristic, with messages scattered throughout in the form of double entendres, metaphors and a between-the-lines symbolism. So you might want to pay attention.

Our narratives are ultimately devised to inspire introspection regarding the many dualities we have interwoven within our present reality. And frankly, some of this stuff is just downright funny. Go ahead, laugh all you want as we drive you along the scenic route while occasionally looking back "In The Rear View Mirror".

DICTIONARY and USER'S DEFINITIONS

We tend to utilize a vernacular of our own and thought we'd help you speak our language too.

B-REX. (Archetype) A female "MOWB".

BENNY. Federal Reserve Bank Chairman, Ben S. Bernanke, appointed by President George W. Bush and sworn in February 1, 2006. Successor to Alan Greenspan at a time when Atlas Shrugged. He became 2008's crowned Cannibal King after running Hank off the road.

BERNIE. Bernard L. Madoff. Chairman and Founder of Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC, 1960. Arrested on December 11, 2008 and sentenced to 150 years of quiet meditation, Bernie currently awaits his formal induction into the Ponzi Hall of Fame. AKA: the Jewish Treasury Bill and the new face of Greed. He was formerly a philanthropist, a regular family man about town, and a prominent leader in the financial services industry who gave everyone he was screwing a very big KISS (keep it simple, stupid).

BLAGO. Milorad "Rod" R. Blagojevich. Record holder as the first Illinois governor to ever be impeached on January 29, 2009. He made sure to jet back to his Chicago home before the senate’s final vote could formalize his civilian status and deprive him of the ride home from Springfield on the state plane. Blago notoriously tried to sell The Big BOPR’s vacated senate seat to the highest bidder and had the misfortune of being wiretapped along the way. While he insisted he was the victim of a rush to judgment, it kinda looks like he did a Nixon and just got caught doing what everyone else has always done. It's all gonna be bleepin' golden in jail.

BUSH FLU. A highly resistant and uncooperative viral strain that was released from the golden parachutes strapped to the backs of financial district CEOs as they were ejected by their Board of Directors and pushed out of Air Force One. Subsequent studies eventually confirmed that the virus was carried and transmitted through the small air-borne drops of crude oil that leeched from the edges of the golden parachutes upon deployment. Symptoms include: Great Depression. No money in the bank. Your bank’s ATM machine holds your debit card hostage and instead spits out a government I.O.U. by way of a receipt.

BUSH-WHACKED. 1) We play and you get to pay. 2) Shootin' from the hip into dead space and living with the consequences of someone else's good idea for you that had essentially no basis in reality, no vision, no foresight. You know, like a bad blind date that goes no where fast, and yet somehow, you're left holding the check. 3) 21st Century synonym for “it’s my way or the highway”. 4) Cronyism.

DADDY WARBUCKS. Warren E. Buffet. CEO of Berkshire Hathaway who has been considered at times to be the richest man in the world. AKA the fox put in charge of the chicken coop, and the inspiration for The BIG BOPR's "Buffet Rule". Although Daddy Warbucks won't officially endorse his namesake "Buffet Rule", we'll always remember that he was the slyest fox by suggesting that all the other rich foxes pay a proper tax.

DREAM SEQUENCE (DS). These are random, off-road detours along the lookout ledge of our own private Idaho. We also like to call these “Crazy Ivans”.

GOP: GENDER OVERLORD PARTY, or "The New GOP" for short. (A Cultural Mindset) The “GOP” acronym known for centuries in the United States to stand for the Republican “Grand Old Party” has been updated to be the new signifier for the “Gender Overlord Party”. This turn of the 21st century revision was made in order to better reflect the bullying nature and evolving cultural mindset of a GOP that has elected to stand on a platform righteously rooted in conflict, contradiction and condescension.

HANK. 74th Secretary of the Treasury, Henry S. Paulson, Jr., nominated by President George W. Bush in June, 2006. Former Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs. AKA the 2008 Cannibal King contender who was overtaken by Benny and swiftly ran off the road...at least he managed to save Goldman Sachs after the crash.

I-ROB. John A. Thain, former CEO of Merrill Lynch who resigned on January 22, 2009, right before Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis could sack him. Mr. Fix-It proposed the shotgun wedding between Merrill and BofA and their CEOs which abruptly ended in annulment barely 3 months later (didn’t something like that happen with Rene' Zellweger and Kenny Chesney?). BofA gobbled up Merrill’s enormous deficit and naturally passed the tab on to the taxpayers in the form of TARP bailout funding. I-ROB smoothly managed to expend $1.22 million to make his office feel more like home, and to secretly disburse $4 billion in early employee bonuses before dashing off to Vail for a year-end ski holiday just as Merrill’s $15.3 billion 2008 4Q loss was announced. AKA “I-ROBOT” for his mechanical coldness, void of emotion and intense financial focus.

LAB RAT. (Archetype) These are the fringe skulkers who hover just below the radar – like they’re there but not really part of anything. They appear to be pleasant and normal and give the illusion of making some sort of contribution, yet underneath they’re really cold fish with no true need for emotional substance or interpersonal depth. LAB Rats navigate within a highly compartmentalized world that revolves solely around them which manifests itself in the form of brain-body incongruencies. It’s almost as if some unseen master has strategically placed remote-controlled electronic stimulus patches all over their body and knows just when to trigger the switch. This brain-body disconnect gives them little instinct for even the most rudimentary consideration for the needs of another, resulting in a narcissistic drive to achieve their goals at any cost, without conscience or accountability. Busy scurrying and always on the go, and clearly no time for quiet introspection sans distraction, LAB Rats can frequently be found flying the redeye from LA to Boston and back again with Blackberry in hand and a GPS perpetually connected to the unseen master. Evasive and duplicitous by nature, they might even tell you they live in France.

MOBY DICK. (Archetype) A male "MOWB".

MOLDY OLD WHITE BREAD, or "MOWB" for short. (Archetype) A tasty depiction of a human anachronism who routinely derives sustenance from stale, inedible, and moldy ways of thinking, while advocating modi operandi that is firmly entrenched in standards set by the “Old Guard”. MOWBs are not conservatively categorized or necessarily stereotyped by gender, age, race, culture, or even political party affiliation; but usually reveal their unmistakable MOWB-ness with a mindset deeply rooted in entitlement, arrogance, superiority and double standards.

MUSE WITH BENEFITS, or "MWB" for short. (Archetype) Not to be mistaken for a musty “MOWB”, the MWB customarily proffers distraction with action, arousal without a spousal, hanky panky with a little spanky, stimulations with few limitations, thrills with skills, flings with no strings, tantalization without penalization, tease then a please between the sheets, and lastly, creative snippets after a few whip its. As would be expected, the MWB tends to attract the greedy (and not necessarily the needy), and we all know who they are…those who just have to have more, even after snatching up everything else.

RAHMBO. Rahm Emanuel. Former White House Chief of Staff for The Big BOPR, and prior to that he was a Member of the U.S. House of Representatives for Illinois' 5th Congressional District. He survived D.C.'s lion's den and left the lair on September 30, 2010 to pursue his dream of becoming Chicago's new mayor for life.

THE BIG BOPR. Barack Obama, President and “Renegade” (his Secret Service code name). 44th President of the United States of America officially sworn in to office January 20, 2009. Successor to X-P “W”.

T T, in other words “TRAILER TRASH”. (Archetype) Popular opinion tends to stereotype those belonging to the “T T” culture with a double-widely accepted description that more or less pigeonholes a fairly diverse group as being comprised of those who “seem well-suited to residential life in a mobile home park and are distinguished by poor hygiene, foul language, slovenly or slutty clothing, and general ignorance. Recreations include drinking malt liquor in lawn chairs under tattered R.V. awnings and teenage pregnancy.” (urbandictionary.com). And “poor white people living in a trailer park in the U.S., especially the South.” (dictionary.com). While these distinctive characteristics are frequently evident in those who boast the purest of “T T” pedigrees, they can be limiting in scope. Certainly appearance, behavior, poorness, and location all make uncontestable contributions to the “T T” prototype; however, like those of the MOWB persuasion, the determining factor of a true “T T-ite” inherently comes down to mindset. The trailer is merely an accessory. A “T T” mindset is an inbredded thing, and more than skin deep, or skin color for that matter. You can take the trash out of the trailer park, but you can’t laser off those K-Fed tatts without leaving scars. And no matter how you dress it up, the “T T ‘tude” can’t stay suppressed for long. Evidence of a “T T” mindset will oftentimes emerge in ordinary conversation when a “T T-ite” unwittingly lapses into the “T T” mother tongue which has over time evolved into a drawling language filled with double negatives and contracted half words; and is something that, well, just can’t be taught in schools. It’s been suggested that a good portion of the “T T” population traditionally lives and breeds in the South, but anyone who’s seen the "Jersey Shore" would know this to be a misconception. The red states may indeed prove to be fertile territory for “T T” culture cultivation, however, their borders are simply not enough to contain the mindset or keep it from spreading. And there just ain't no more to say.

TROLL ON THE BRIDGE, or "TROLL" for short. (Archetype) These are the corporate-minded gatekeepers who block your every effort to maneuver around them and get across the bridge. This is occasionally done maliciously and without conscience, but more often than not, the blockade is enforced without the Troll even comprehending on a conscious level that it is ‘the hold up’, the obstruction blocking all passage to the other side. Since Trolls often believe themselves infallible and eagerly seek to have that belief validated, they usually insist on some sort of ego caressing homage as payment before they’ll finally step aside and let you pass them by. And as they smugly wallow in their self-induced position of power by being ‘the hold up’, Trolls are sadly ignorant to the unmistakable, yet ironic, fact that they’re usually standing in their own way and blocking their own progress as well.

VICE VERSA VERSES (VVV). The “Rhymin’ Ivan” version of a 'Dream Sequence'.

VULTURE CULTURE. (A Cultural Mindset) The Vulture Culture is a parasitical cultural mindset that encourages self-serving individuals to collectively devour the flesh right off of the bones of society like a wake of New World Vultures gathering to feast on the susceptible. Those immersed in today’s Vulture Culture tend to personify the gladiatorial spirit of “winner takes all”; and like the competitive arenas of ancient Rome where the sole objective of the properly indoctrinated gladiator is to win at any cost, every victory sustained is the direct result of cutthroat competition on steroids. There are no rules, there are no hostages. There is only winning. In this myopic quest to win, disciples of the Vulture Culture think nothing of pissing all over everything they step on, and the corrosive uric acid that rolls down their legs unchecked does little more than leave in its wake a wide trail of scorched earth. Those belonging to the Vulture Culture have absolutely no desire to contribute anything new or of value to the very society they feed on. They prefer instead to feed upon the remains of the day like scavengers, for what they lack in creative innovation, they make up for in carnage.

WHITE MINIVAN. (Theory) This is a theory which basically asserts that nothing good ever comes from a White Minivan. When you notice that the flow of traffic is inexplicably interrupted, just look ahead, and discover for yourself that invariably the source of the hold up is a White Minivan. Examples demonstrate it best: 1. Stopped in the carpool lane while the cars in every other lane whoosh by with the speed of light? Try to look beyond the gigantic SUV in front of you and see who’s at the head of the line – bet it’s a White Minivan. 2. Have you ever found yourself humming with the flow of freeway traffic when out of nowhere comes that White Minivan from the fast lane who’s just realized it’s about to miss the off-ramp it needs in an 1/8th of a mile, as you speechlessly witness it cut off all 4 lanes of traffic (including your own and the semi’s) just in time to make that exit, and with 1/16th of a mile to spare? 3. Stopped at a signal, sandwiched in with mouth agape, when the White Minivan in front of you backs up straight into your front bumper with its projecting trailer hitch (leaving a very un-aerodynamic hole in its wake) because it didn’t think anyone was behind it and it wanted to turn around without driving around the block? (And yes, we have had this happen). Get the idea? Our observational research thus far supports the belief that this theory applies to large White Vans and most White SUVs as well. Side Mirror Footnote: White Minivans typically run in packs with other minivans, and they tend to herd or congregate around school parking lots and the shopping centers of suburbia. These suburban parking lot gatherings take on a surreal life of their own (not far from Stepford) in an asphalt dimension called the “Land of the Minivan”.

X-P "W". Ex-President George W. Bush. 43rd President of the United States of America officially sworn in to office January 20, 2001. Served two disastrous 4-year terms then finally crashed and burned his way out on January 19, 2009. Succeeded by The Big BOPR.