The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Before I get all self-reflective and deep, I need to clear something up while the issue is still hot.

Despite the whole Foolery regarding exactly when decades begin and end, the reality is, That come Friday, we will be in a new Decade. Those of you who get off on being right in the face of overwhelming wrongness, good luck getting your indefatigable logic to take hold. In a world with a fascination with big round numbers, Decades and Centuries end in 0. You can hang out with Sisyphus if you like, but that reality is Dug in and here to stay.

When you’re over that, come and join me in the next paragraph.

I remember December 31, 1999 like it was yesterday about three Tuesdays ago.

I was 29, married with a very young son, working hard at 2 jobs, one of which was sort of a dream come true, the other of which supplemented my income nicely, taking care of my family with relative ease. For the first time in my life, I was communicating effectively and regularly with both of my parents. I was still years from completing any type of college education, and I was pretty sure I didn’t care about that. I had hustled my way through the nineties and still gotten on Capitol Hill and was set up fairly well. Between the Y2K scare (BWAHAHAHAH) and the general foolishness inherent in mankind, I was dead set on Leaving my house, plus the weather in the DMV (then still called DC Metro) was sufficiently crappy that I decided to ring in 2000 in my bed, with my family.

It was just that simple.

10 years Later, I wake up in Texas, with a Different wife and a THIRD young son, this time with a complex, although not fatal disease and two sons living with my ex-wife and her husband. My father is gone, my grandmother is gone, my Brother has gone from 2 children to SEVEN and My extended family has spent the decade spreading their collective pretty wings all over the Southern US. I work one job that I hate doing something I love and was born to do and FINALLY, two decades later, I am within sight of a Degree in an exciting new field. I am as close to 40 now as I was to 30 then, and my body reminds me regularly just how many more miles you pile up in this decade.

But, still, My life is pretty simple.

In 1999, the internet was threatening to take over the world 56K at a time, Television had brought the entire world together, America had emerged from a decade of unquestioned World Dominance with a president whose swagger was as unquestionable as his fidelity was, and Black Folks were still getting their cha cha slide one (2 Steps forward, 2 steps back…but in such a rhythmic fashion)

It’s 2009, now The internet HAS taken over the world at speeds thought laughable 10 years ago, America almost succeded in Pulling the entire world into financial ruin, so much so that it turned over the presidency to a Black man known only to his family in 1999 with a name that rhymes with one of the villains of the decade as opposed to a long time war-hero. In Spite of such major strides, Black folks are still cha-cha ing their way into the future.

The more things Change, the more they stay the same.

The easy thing to do is to Look backwards and talk about the ups and downs of the past 10 years.

The easier thing to do is to look forward and make predictions of what will and won’t happen in the next 10.

The important thing to do is take the rest of this weekend and give an accurate inventory of Who you were, who you are and what you are about going into 2010.

Not that surface BS that makes for a good e-harmony ad. Pop the hood and REALLY go over yourself, getting over yourself while you are at it. Identify your strengths and weaknesses….specifically. Get yourself a game plan together on where you need to be in June….in December…in 2015…in 2019.

If you don’t do that, your plans for big things in 2010 are about as potent as a Tiger Woods speech on how to keep things hot in the marital bed.

It is a brand new world, compared to 1999. You can do a great deal in 10 years. But If you don’t put in a good bit of work this weekend, You’ll be talking big and living small in 2019 just as sure as you swear you won’t.

Oh, Did I meantion that I was THINKING about writing in 1999, but really didn’t have any plans to do anything about it?

If I had done then, what I am about to do now…I would be getting paid to tell you what I just told you.

Every since maybe February or March my job has been in major trip mode! My current COO feels the need to pick and choose a new person to annihilate each month, and honestly it’s not that many of us around here, but she has it to a point where the morale is low and no one wants to be here. Recently, someone told my manager (who also acts as the HR Manager) that everyone pretty much has one foot in and one foot out. Imagine my surprise to hear that this comment was made and the person was immediately targeted.

I pretty much got it my “f you, pay me mode” when I became a target. I don’t know what put me on Schindler’s list, but I know for 3 weeks straight I was threatened with being let go by my Manager and Director at the time. The irony of the situation was that they were also on Schindler’s List and were actually demoted. So after there demotion I was taken off the list and now I am back to playing the Corporate America ball game- Arrive, Smile, Work, Don’t draw too much attention, and Leave. The stress of this (and the last two days of being cooped up in a conference room with my co-workers) all has really made me start thinking about the quote, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” My answer is I would open up my open boutique that would specialize in carry items by independent regional designers. Everything would be inexpensive and one of a kind (in a good way). To help foster this dream I have started looking into different jewelry, sewing, and design classes around the city. Last night I contacted someone from Craigslist who offers private sewing lessons and am hoping to start with her this weekend!! With all that is going on at my job I feel like even if they let me go today I would still be okay and that God will provide me with my every want, need, and desire, as well as, a bigger & better opportunity!!

So my question to you is: What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

All this talk about men…and how to get them, keep them, make them pursue you whatever is a slight bit worrisome to me. So…we here at SSSO are gonna take this week to focus on how sexy Djimon Housou is ourselves. See…we’re always talking about what we expect a man to do for us blah, blah and blah.

What about what we’re doing for ourselves? Think about it…do you have center? Peace of mind? Can we see where we are going in comparison to where we are and where we have been? Now, I am not saying that you have to follow everything that I am going to list, but here are a few things that we as women need to do to be right for our mothers, our men, and the world ourselves.

1. Eat healthy and Exercise-Black women are known to be Superwomen. They run around everywhere doing everything for everyone except themselves. This likely leads them to grab whatever they can get their hands on to eat…McDonald’s, Burger King…just anything. This is NOT healthy…we’ve got to do better. Join the 50 Million Pound Challenge or

2. Get to church-or somewhere that gives you a source of inspiration and balance. Maybe that place is yoga…maybe it’s a meditation room, or a quiet garden.

3. Pay yourself first.-A lot of Blacks are making the bad choices of paying Louis, Dooney&Bourke, and Prada. What good is having that fabulous purse if you have nothing to put in it. Find something to invest in…it’s a great time to do houses or stocks. I definitely think it’s important to be sure you have a rainy day fund. For all the ladies who are not single, have something for yourself outside of what your man says. I learned that from Granny–have something for yourself…end of story. Oh and check your annual credit report!

4. Take time for yourself- Outside of going to that special place where you find center and peace of mind, we should all do something where we are in a place totally alone. For me, it’s the bathtub or the shower (ask those who know me) I am always in there…and if I’m not communicating with someone then I am taking definite time for myself…thinking and…

5. Dream and dream big.-Think about yourself driving that Porsche or living in that villa in France. Think about the things that really make you happy and use them to your advantage. Always think positive. Write your dreams for people to see…and wait on them and well…they won’t wait to come to you 😉

Everyone just really needs to remember that even though we are all superwomen, we will easily not be able to do the things we’re doing now if we don’t take care of ourselves. Beyond that, since we’ve all celebrated Ms. Michelle and who she is with Barack, I think we need to realize she didn’t marry him until she was 29. She was a whole person without him and if any of us ever even want to dream of…..well just get yourself ready.

SO tell me what would you add to the list? What are somethings that you’re doing to better yourselves? What centers you? Men, what would you like to see us doing? Anything you know that would really hope us ladies?