Tag Archives: august mclaughlin

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page between today and 11pm PST March 11th.

Lies, boring sex and does size really matter?

Once upon a time… It was a while ago I was in a relationship I considered to be happy. It was a long-distance, long-term relationship, and later engagement. And there it languished. If we had lived closer together, I eventually had realized much earlier, that this guy was a lazy, lying, nightmarish sociopath. But for a while I was happy. He made me happy. He made me feel like I was the only one, the prettiest, the most beautiful woman! (I found out later he told this to at least 6 or 7 other women too – at the same time – but that’s not subject of this post).

At the time he made me happy, satisfied me in bed until I finally realized two things: The man had literally no idea how a female body works, and I wasn’t sure whether he was properly educated when it comes to the ‘birds and the bees’.

Maybe this might help him:

Yes, he carefully watched my reactions, and I figure his request for me to let myself go and make noises during sex made it easier for him to see what action leads to what reaction. But other than that, he was more or less helpless.

·He had no idea why women menstruate

·He had no clue how to recognize when a woman fakes an orgasm

·He was totally oblivious how many orgasms a woman can have before dying

·He figured the more orgasms, the better satisfied

·The thought of a woman faking an orgasm just to get him off her finally never occurred to him.

As for me: I finally realized how boring this man was. All he was (and probably still is) interested in is sleeping, eating and sex. And there we go: He was even boring in bed. Due to us being apart for long times and then meeting again, it took me a while to find out that these sexual meetings always followed a certain program. Like a time frame, or maybe a ‘user manual.’

1. Tell her you love her

2. Tell her she’s beautiful

3. Tell her you missed her

4. Repeat point 1 – 3 excessively

5. Undress her

6. shower with her (because she insists)

7. tell her some more she’s beautiful

8. give her oral satisfaction

9. extend that until she screams

10. before she sneaks off (again), finally try to get your own satisfaction (provided it stands)

That was about it. There was no variation, no ideas, no new things, nothing magic, not even much fun after a certain time.

In the end, I finally just sighed and shortened the entire happening somewhere between point 1 and 4 – and again around point 7 and 8. Earlier screaming makes the entire thing end up faster, right?

And there was something else that irritated me to no end: his pride about the size of his penis. I just frowned at him when he mentioned the 9 inches. Do I need to understand what the point is why men need to show off their size? Provided of course they have it! Because of these 9 inches were, if not a lie, at least an exorbitant exaggeration. To this day I still believe he read that one number ‘upside down.’ It would explain a lot.

At the end it came as it had to: The relationship came to an end. Do I regret what happened? In a way, I do, yes. It shouldn’t have taken this long for me to realize how boring the man was, both in and outside the bed.

It took me a while to get out of the grief – but once I got over it, I thought, okay. Next time it will be better. And I thought it did…

*****

Unexpectedly and to my great surprise a man from my past showed up out of the shadows. Over 20 years ago we had worked together on a project, but once the project had ended, we’ve never seen each other again.

That man was so handsome when he was younger! Back then he had swept me off my feet. And now he came back into my life to do just the very same thing again. I’m no kid, and I usually don’t suffer from unexpected hallucinations. He got older, just as I did. We all change a bit with age. The only difference is that I’m realistic about it – he isn’t.

His way of making love with me was to ‘jump on me,’ wild, feral… his foreplay limited to the words “Are you awake?”

Considering the years before I had the most boring sex one can only imagine, this might have been a welcome change. For just a moment. Then I woke up. My man complained I was “too aroused.” I hate to say that, but I had to really, I mean, really control myself extremely hard not to laugh out loudly. Why? Let’s say it this way: As a woman in love, you don’t tell the man of your desire that he does turn you on, but unfortunately he’s got a penis about the size of an IHOP breakfast sausage.

And no, this is not me making fun of him. I’m 5’3″ and never had a child. My gynecologist uses his instruments the size for young girls – and still, I had the feeling having sex with my boyfriend was like throwing a wiener into a garage… What does that tell us? The good thing was: I knew it wasn’t me. He is that convinced everything about him, on him and in him is totally perfect, he had to find a reason why our sexual being together wasn’t as good as he wanted it to be. And since he “is” perfect, it was my fault.

Only a while later he told me, he wanted me to lose weight. – And that was it for me. Couldn’t he find a way to accept me the way I am; even more since he told me before that he would? I informed him that it was time to say ‘goodbye.’

To my great surprise, this got to me. I was extremely depressed after this separation. I missed him horribly… But I am lucky. I have the most wonderful friends on Earth. They helped me getting over him and comforted me.

I think the final moment when I was prepared to let go, was that particular day when I went grocery shopping and heard a song that reminded me of him. In a blur, our time together raced through my memory… and I thought to myself: “Really, girl… did you want to stay together with a man who is that bad in bed?” And then I started laughing.

It is, I might add at this point, a little embarrassing to laugh out loudly and being unable to stop, in the middle of a supermarket, right between broccoli and bananas. However, I made it out alive. The only thing I regret until this day is, that I never gave him “The Kamasutra” for his birthday.

*****

These two relationships taught me three things; I better keep in mind from now on:

1. I need a man who has a goal in life that goes further than meals, sleep, and sex. I need a man who moves his ass and works for what he wants and has a certain fantasy and ideas; a man with a certain education, whose messages I can read without flinching over the misspellings and who is experienced and interested enough to find out how to satisfy a woman. A man, with whom sharing intimacy makes my skin tickle, my skull explode until I can count the stars in the sky and my toenails roll up.

2. Does size really matter? To me, it does, yes. Do I compare? Was that one better than this one? Hell no! The size of the penis isn’t half as interesting as the man that’s accompanying it. But to me, there needs to be ‘something’ to feel.

3. I am, in my very individual and unique way, beautiful. And I deserve better than what I have been accepting of a relationship for the past few years.

I, therefore, decided to celebrate my beauty. I am unique; I am special, I am beautiful, I am humorous, loving, caring and helpful… I am many things; and yes, in bed I’m a revelation. *wink*

This year I signed up to participate in the “Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest”, organized by August McLaughlin. Please enjoy the entire Blog Fest by clicking the link.

It is with great pleasure I am able to present my blog participation with the following post:

Beauty changes during the time:

In the 50s and 60s, the ultimate beautiful woman had a so-called “hourglass” figure. A chest, a butt and a small waist. Let’s travel back in time: in all big “fashion houses” the dresses and clothes were presented to the potential customers. The presenters weren’t window dummies – but real life “Mannequins”. We would call them the predecessors of the Models and Top-Models.

They were women – chest, hips and a small waist were their trademark. Even the most beautiful actresses and female stars of this time were fuller-figured women with the same measurements. Female beauty ideal back then was curvy, beautiful, feminine, showing their amenities and being proud of them.

The 70s and 80s show women, who remarkably slimmed down, their curves are still there, but not as explicitly distinct anymore.

I don’t dare to talk too much about the hairstyle and makeup which in my opinion, used to make women of these times look a little bit like extra-terrestrial clowns… but in many ways, their styles showed how much they enjoyed being women.

I have always been a little on the “more”-side and the criticism I had to take for this from all sides have hurt me deeply. During the years, when I had found out that my figure was very fashionable and once a beauty ideal all women wanted to have, I found this fact amusing – but not more. How was this useful for me? I wanted to be fashionable now. With my figure, I was born about 30 years too late.

Am I ever going to be most beautiful to someone who I’d like to welcome into my life? Someone who loves me, just the way I am? With my soft heart, all the love I have to give and my hips, breasts and hourglass figure?

Now I’m curious… Have you ever had experience with criticism on your figure? Are you happy with yours? Let us hear your experience.

I’m thrilled to share with you the Embraceable trailer, featuring me and eight of the book’s contributing authors. It was a blast to make, and well worth the learning curve. (I’ve never done anything quite like this!)

Special thanks to Gabe at Global Voice Broadcasting for making it shine. 😀

Stay tuned for news on the paperback and virtual release party—coming soon! Wishing you a fabulous weekend. ♥

I am very proud to introduce you to August McLaughlin today. For those who don’t know August McLaughlin yet, please read her bio. She’s an extraordinary personality and I’m honored and grateful to know her.

Bio

August McLaughlin is an award-winning, nationally recognized health and sexuality writer, radio personality and host and creator of Girl Boner®. Her work appears in DAMEMagazine, the Huffington Post, The Good Men Project and more. Kirkus Reviews called her first novel, In Her Shadow, “an engaging story with an inventive structure and an intriguing focus on body-image issues.” Her latest book, Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality (available December, 2015/January, 2016 on Amazon and iTunes), is a celebration of women’s sensuality. Each week on Girl Boner® Radio, she interviews relationship experts, celebs and more, exploring women’s lives and sexuality “like no one else.” Known for melding personal passion, artistry and activism, August uses her skills as a public speaker and journalist to inspire other women to embrace their bodies and selves, making way for fuller, more authentic lives.

For the planned interview I was able to choose the questions I’d like to ask. And I picked a few sexual myths circling. Would you help me finding the answers?

First-time sexual intercourse for a woman ALWAYS hurts. I personally have never met a woman who actually enjoyed her first time without pain. How is reality?

There’s a common belief that the “first time” is extremely pleasurable or extremely painful for women—across the board. In reality, it usually falls somewhere in between. Unfortunately, so many of us have little clue as to how it all actually works (beyond the very basics), so some awkwardness is normal—as is some pain, especially if you aren’t well lubricated first. Emotional shame can also make physical intimacy painful, and does, for many women.

It is heard that the males’ semen tastes different, depending on what the man eats or drinks. Is this really true?

It sure is! Foods and drinks can absolutely affect semen flavor—though most of the research is anecdotal. Fruits, vegetables and juices are believed to improve semen taste (and taste and scent of all genders), whereas a meat-rich diet and cigarettes have the opposite effect. Apparently vegetarians taste and smell better than meat eaters.

It is generally said, men have wet dreams, is it true that women are excluded from fun like this?

Not at all! Girls and women experience wet dreams, too. (I wish we’d learned that in sex ed!) Ever since I wrote about what I call “sleep-gasms” on my blog and covered them on my show, I hear routinely from women who experience wet dreams. Whether we have them or not, it’s perfectly normal.

Is watching porn truly a mainly male form of entertainment? Not one woman I know enjoys watching porn (or at least says so). What does reality tell us?

I know women who enjoy porn, and women who don’t. Women are just as “visual” as men (that we aren’t is another common myth), but watching mainstream porn is more likely to trigger a sense of shame in women for all sorts of reasons—cultural ideals being one of them.

Most mainstream porn is also geared toward a straight male audience, which makes it less appealing to many gals. Some features violence toward women, which is, in my opinion, an atrocity. (I’m not talking about kink/BDSM, but abuse; there’s a huge difference.)

Recent studies show that more and more women are enjoying porn, and that many women prefer lesbian porn. I think that’s because it’s less degrading and more focused on women’s pleasure. I really appreciate the feminist porn genre, which celebrates all shapes, sizes, ages and genders. It’s a relatively small, but mighty, genre I hope keeps growing!

I also love Cindy Gallop’s work, with Make Love, Not Porn. She educates folks on the differences between porn and real sex—understanding the differences is so important.

Is the clitoris really the center of female sexual pleasure?

The clitoris has this reputation for good reason. It has some 7,000+ nerve endings—which is more than any other body part. Many women reach climax through clitoral stimulation, but we’re all different. We should all seek and explore our own bodies and what feels good.

Is it true that a woman’s vagina and/or its associated parts can alter by having regular sexual intercourse with an exceptionally large penis?

Large penises can cause tearing and discomfort, but it’s usually not permanent. Lots of lubrication, foreplay and other types of sexual expression, such as oral, can help minimize these issues. Kait Scalisi, MPH wrote a great blog post on this topic: Is His Penis Too Big? Here Are Seven Ways to Deal With It.

It is said that older people don’t have sex anymore. Some even say a woman after completing menopause does not get aroused anymore. Can this be true?

Hormonal shifts associated with menopause can cause decline in libido and related symptoms, such as vaginal dryness—but they’re all manageable. Recent studies show that women who value sex into their “golden years” can have increasingly pleasurable sexual experiences. I think some of this has to do with stronger confidence, experience and emotional growth. If a woman notices dramatic changes in her sex drive or sexual health, she should talk to a professional, such as a physician or sex therapist.

We know, there’s one pill to increase a man’s erectile function. But that’s’ not the only pill on the market. Can a pill or exercise really enlarge a man’s penis?

There’s no pill known to increase a man’s penis size. Lifestyle steps can help ensure normal circulation and arousal, however, which are super important for sexual function. Regular exercise, an overall healthy diet, getting enough sleep, managing stress and not smoking can all help tremendously. I explored this article for DUREX®: The Truth About Penis Size.

A provocative blend of memoir, anthology and inspiration, Embraceable is a celebration of women’s sexual empowerment. Learn how August McLaughlin, creator and host of Girl Boner®, found her way out of the sexual repression to which too many girls and women are prone. She then weaves research and inspiring facts around stories contributed by women who’ve cultivated sexual empowerment in their own lives—on topics ranging from asexuality, kink and burlesque dancing to religion, “slut”-shaming and surviving sexual assault. Learn what girls do (and don’t) learn in sex ed, the truth behind widespread damaging messages, the role body image plays in embracing our sexual selves and more.

Here are the purchase links for Embraceable. The paperback will be added to Amazon within shortest time.

This is a very special blog post, written by August McLaughlin, an award-winning, nationally recognized health and sexuality writer and host and creator of Girl Boner®. She writes about blogging. Her own blog has gotten over 1 million views over the weekend. I’m sure I’m not the only one finding very interesting what her experiences are! Congratulations August!!

About four and a half years ago, I asked my then agent what I could do to better my odds of success as an author, other than writing and writing some more. Among his chief suggestions? Start a blog.

Write for free in the spare time I don’t exactly have? It sounded like dreadful homework, but like many writers, I was eager to do whatever it took to move forward. That “whatever” turned out to be one of the most important professional decisions I’ve made.

Over the weekend, my blog reached 1 million views. While numbers are by far not the most important thing and all relative, this felt pretty awesome—especially considering I recall very well a time I nearly pleaded people to check it out. (Uh, that’s not a suggestion.)

PLEASE? I’ll do anything!

Some writers might hear “a million views” and think, “Yeah, but it was all for FREE!”…