My fiance has suffered from Anxiety on and off for the last 20 years. Often because of this, he gets extremely depressed over it. He has been on Diazepam for quite some time now. I am wondering if maybe it is the medication that is making him depressed, but on the other hand he says that it helps him with his anxiety.

Currently we are not living together, because he lives in another country, but eventually he will be coming back to the US for good. The doctors where he is at think there is no reason to put him on any anti-depressants of any sort, and that is just another reason for him being as down as he has been.

When we first met he and I would talk every day but now with his anxiety and depression there are times when I do not hear from him for over a week. Imagine what goes through my mind during this time. Because he is far away from me, I do not know how he is doing, I worry about him a lot, and of course I always think the worst. I am afraid he will get so bad that he will be detached from everyone including me to the point that I am afraid he will harm himself. (i should note that he has never said that he would or has tried but I only say that because I have read stories about that happening)

I have tried all I can think of to help him, but I do not know if I am even doing the right things, I worry that he will just crawl more into his "hole" and never come back out. He never accepts my help, never lets me try to help, and tells me that there is "nothing I can do from here" and that he has tried everything known to man and has seen so many doctors and therapists and that nothing will help him.

Besides his anxiety and depression, he also has an eating problem, he is losing weight dramatically and no matter what he does cannot seem to gain anything. And of course he is anxious and depressed over this too.

I myself have been so down and sometimes hurt because of all this, I do have a job and try to keep busy, but all his problems worry me so badly. They are always on the back of my mind and sometimes at the front to the point I cannot function correctly because I am so sad and worried for him. I do not know what to do with him being so far away. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can help him or what I can suggest to him for him to do? I love him so much that I hate seeing him like this; depressed, sleeping all day, hardly eating, stomach churns, all the typical symptoms.

Welcome to HealingWell. I am Kitt and I admire you for caring so much about your fiancee that you have joined to find out ways in which you may help him.

I really think the best would be to talk to him about seeing a professional, a psychiatrist and a therapist may be what he needs first. If he needs an antidpressant to stablize his depression or a therapist to help him sort out his issues this is where to start.

Does he have access to this kind of mental health assistance where he is living now?

You are very brave and the best thing you can do for him is stand by him................which you are already doing. That is wonderful and know he is not hurting you on purpose. He is just not in a good place right now.

For you, I sugggest to keep on coming here for support as many of the members know where your coming from and what your going through.

Thank you for your reply, I have however expressed to him that he should go see a therapist or psychiatrist, and he has seen just about all of them in the area. He claims that they do not help.

I am trying to be patient and understanding through all of this, but it is very difficult. I have also started having panic attacks over the situation and have tried my best to distance myself from his anxiety and depression like I have read to do, but when you love someone so much it affects your very core to see them this way, and it has caused me to have attacks of my own, not to mention has been bringing me down as well.

I am hoping I can find some guidance through this site, I am not leaving my fiance over this but I do not like him suffering and now I am too.

Your fiancée has a mood disorder and because of this you are most likely struggling with difficult emotions: helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, sadness. IMHO all of these feelings are normal.

Dealing with a loved one’s depression is difficult. And if you aren’t careful, it can become overwhelming.

Taking care of yourself when your fiancée is depressed is not an act of selfishness – it’s a necessity. Being emotionally strong allows you to continue to love and care for the him

Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your fiancée’s depression, and please do not feel responsible for his happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

You can’t be a caretaker round the clock without paying a psychological price. To avoid burnout and resentment, set clear limits on what you are willing and able to do. You are not your love one’s therapist, so don’t take on that responsibility. You may not be in the same country but this is taking it’s toll on your health.

Coming here and talking about your feelings was a brave and wise choice. There are members here that are going through the same as you are.

I hope this helps you and I found some of this info in an article one day and reversed it for my hubby as I am the one with depression. It helped me understand what he is feeling.