This my story of being an American in Montana and my pursuit of Muscles, Wisdom and other random shit along the way.

Looking Back At The Fourth Grade… According To My Scooby-Doo Journal

I was going through some old stuff of mine from back when I was a little kid and I found my fourth grade journal…Yes, I kept a journal. My parents got me a Scooby-Doo Mystery Club journal for my birthday and for some reason I used it.

Don’t judge me! Anyways, here are some highlights from my time in fourth grade.

October 11, 1979

It was a difficult day. Stacy and Mariah were picking on me again at recess. My friend Danny tried to stop them but they chased him away with a metal lunch box. Stacy sprayed me with hair spray.

October 12, 1979

Another rough day at recess. Stacy and Mariah started messing with me again, this time their friend Amy joined in, they de-pants me and threw my Captain America lunch box on the school roof. The janitor told me he would not go up and get it, something about not being paid enough.

October 13, 1979

It rained today, had recess inside, I went to the bathroom and was jumped by Stacy, Mariah and Amy they managed to give me a swirly, my friend Jason tried to stop them but he was put into the trash can, Jason also peed his pants.

October 14, 1979

Stacy, Mariah and Amy all got into trouble for the bathroom incident, they all received corporal punishment, I saw Stacy crying in the hall, she told me she was going to kill me, then she spit on me. The principal saw this and spanked her again, I am in fear for my life.

October 15, 1979

Stacy, Mariah and Amy all came over to me at recess and apologized for their behavior, they asked me to go around the corner because they each wanted to give me a kiss. Going around the corner turned out to be a big mistake. Turns out there were three other girls there, Linda, Megan and Lori the six of them took turns kicking and punching me. My friend Jason heard my screams but peed himself for some reason and didn’t tell the teachers…I nearly died.

October 19, 1979

I am finally back to school, spent a few days recovering at home from my beating. I sat in the classroom during recess. Stacy, Mariah and Amy all stared at me through the window…it was very unsettling. My friend Jason kept me company, until he peed himself again and went to the nurse’s office.

October 21, 1979

I finally venture outside for recess, it went well, the girls appeared to have found someone else to pick on, my friend Jerry was assaulted underneath the slide, I think they broke his wrist. I was going to go help him but didn’t want to press my luck, was hoping the girls forgot about me.

November 2, 1979

It’s been pretty normal the last few days during recess, the girls don’t bother me anymore and I think I actually have a girlfriend now, Becky gave me a note asking me if I liked her, if I do I’m supposed to meet her before school by the monkey bars…I’m very excited.

November 3, 1979

I went to school early, went to the monkey bars to meet Becky, turns out it was a trap, I was surrounded by Stacy, Mariah, Amy, Becky and three other girls. Becky lied. They took turns beating me, Stacy took my shoes and threw them on top of the school. The Janitor told me he would not go get them.

November 8, 1979

It’s been fairly quiet since my last beating, the girls roam around at recess like a pack of wolves, looking for anyone who shows weakness. My friend Jason peed his pants again, not really sure about Jason anymore. To be safe I stayed near the teacher all of recess. She smells like cigarettes.

November 11, 1979

Today a new girl was at school, her name is Tina, she actually likes me, we hung out during recess, I told her about the trouble I had with the other girls and she said she would protect me. I think I love Tina.

November 12, 1979

Today at recess I was hanging out with Tina and Jason, when Stacy, Mariah and Amy came over to mess with us, Tina told them to go away, Stacy punched Tina in the face, Jason peed himself and I ran away but was tackled by Amy, she shoved dirt in my mouth.

November 15, 1979

It’s been a few days and Tina still hasn’t been back to school, I’m worried. At recess Stacy actually said Hi to me and didn’t hit me, not sure what is going on.

November 16, 1979

Today at recess Stacy, Mariah and Amy came over and sat next to me, Stacy even shared her fruit roll-up with me and we had fun, then before the bell rang Stacy kissed me on the cheek. I think I love Stacy.

November 19, 1979

Stacy and I hung out again at recess, we held hands and I even helped her and the other girls beat up Steve, I have never felt so alive. I think I’m part of the gang now.

November 22, 1979

Today Stacy, Mariah and Amy all took turns letting me touch their boobs, it really was the best day of my life.

December 2, 1979

Today Stacy and I got to second base behind the school, I’m worried because my friend Jason told me I might have gotten Stacy pregnant. I’m not ready to be a father but will do the right thing.

December 3, 1979

I told Stacy I wanted to marry her before the baby comes, she didn’t understand what I was talking about. I explained it to her, then she showed me her secret spot and explained it to me. Jason really doesn’t know anything about babies. But it was a great day, first time ever seeing a secret spot.

December 10, 1979

Today was a great day, Stacy and Amy kissed each other in front of me, then Mariah went to kiss Stacy but the Principal caught us, called my Mom, she wasn’t happy, she told me I couldn’t hang out with the girls anymore.

December 11, 1979

I do what I want, nobody can keep me from my love, Stacy and I de-pants Roger it was pretty funny, turns out he is uncircumcised which grossed everyone out, Roger cried a lot.

December 19, 1979

I heard a rumor that Tina would be back at school tomorrow, I’m concerned about what might happen, Stacy and I are doing very well, I don’t want to go back to the way things were. Plus Stacy told me I would get to see her secret spot this weekend.

December 20, 1979

The rumors were true, Tina showed up and at recess she tried to talk to me, Stacy got upset, she and Tina got into a fight, but this time Tina had a knife, she cut Stacy in the arm. Jason peed himself. Both Stacy and Tina got suspended. Amy told me she would watch over me, then she let me touch her boobs. I think I love Amy.

December 22, 1979

Amy and I hung out all recess, she even let me see her secret spot after I told her Stacy let me see hers, then I had to show her mine, she laughed a lot, some of the stuff she said hurt. But I still love her.

December 23, 1979

Stacy was back at school, so was Tina. At recess Stacy, Tina and Amy along with Mariah and even Becky all confronted me, they said I been cheating on all of them, I tried to explain that they let me touch their boobs and let me watch them kiss each other but that didn’t matter. My friend Jason came over to see what was going on Amy grabbed him and shoved dirt in his mouth, he peed his pants. Then all the girls began beating me, kicking me, Stacy even spit on me and told me she hated me, as I lay there crying, Amy came over and whispered in my ear that she still liked me, then she kicked me in the stomach. Looks like things are back to normal, but it sure was fun while it lasted.