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A Tough Season

A year ago, I was taking it easy after a pulmonary embolism knocked me off my feet and landed me in the hospital for five days. At the same time, I was polishing up the final details for Dave’s party. When I look back at that time it seems a long, long time ago.

2015 me is wondering how the hell I survived.

Apparently, there is a protective cloud of sorts that settles over your life after a traumatic event. We went through the motions. We worked and went to school. We celebrated occasions. Through the numbness, we trudged forward. A year later that cloud has lifted and we are left with the unfiltered, stark reality – (as I read recently in an article shared by two of my closest friends) “Our spouses just keep being dead.”

This fall has been hard. More difficult in many ways than last. It is not that we haven’t made progress. I don’t cry every day. I remember the funny and the good more than the devastating and the end. But I am tired. And it is hard being an only parent. And lonely. I avoid being around couples at all costs as it just reminds me that I am not part of one any longer. I am short on sympathy. And judgmental. At the same time, I am aware that our story is NOT the most tragic. I just have to turn on the news to realize that.

So, warts and all, that’s where I am. I am dreading the birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas season while at the same time aware that we will be making new memories and enjoying time as a family too. A very strange mixed bag of life.

Dave’s birthday is Friday. I have some thoughts on how we might honor him on that day (or any day, really). Perhaps if you knew him or were touched by his story in some way, you will check back on Friday.

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8 thoughts on “A Tough Season”

“We need to educate our friends and relatives about this second year phenomenon of widowhood, so they don’t abandon us when we most need them. We need a support system NOW more than ever….We need our friends, neighbors, family members, to be there, to know we are still struggling, to know what to watch for as we negotiate these new pitfalls”….. …Robyn, your post prompted me to research the “2nd year of widowhood”. I had no idea how bad the 2nd year really is….(see quote above)…..I am sure you are blessed with amazing family and friends who I pray will be and have been a constant source of strength and support….Just know your online support is here as well! Take care and I will check back Friday to see how you are…Love and Prayers… Lisa

Thanks, Lisa. As I have learned through this process, the friends who are there for you continue to be there. The ones who couldn’t aren’t. It has been pretty eye opening for me this last few years. It wasn’t always who I expected on either side. I am grateful for the friends and family and new friends I have made along the way. xo

I believe that it does get harder in some respects as the years pass. I am now in year 3 1/2 of losing my daughter. We don’t want people to forget our loved ones that pass away. You are a very strong person.

Life can definitely be a strange mixed bag. Your honesty helps me realize that amidst the challenges within our families or within ourselves , we have a special blessings that help us continue to move forward. Thank you for sharing the link to the newspaper article. I hope and pray that the upcoming holidays have more bright moments/days than dark ones. I will be reading your post on Friday. Your family comes to my mind so often, and I can only imagine how often people think of Dave and the impact he had on their lives. Thank you for continuing to honor your husband in so many ways, Robyn. He could not have done so much without your love and support…and laughter. *hug*

Thank you for sharing the link to the article. I always appreciate your honesty, Robyn. You and the children continue to be my prayers. I will wear orange on Friday as I remember mine and everyone’s buddy, Dave.