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Sunday, September 6, 2009

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day! I will be spending the day off doing some letterpress printing; for myself and for a family friend. We also plan to enjoy the great weather by going for a hike in a state park nearby. I hope you enjoy your day too!I was recently reading a blog of a lovely lady who is wishing so much to have a baby. She's been working so hard charting her temps, filling in charts, and tracking her cycle as she tries to make it more likely to happen sooner. I remember doing those same things for a few years up until 13 months ago. I hated that time and I remember it vividly. The wishing, the hoping, the feelings of depression and anger and loss over our miscarriages, the desperation. It was a vicious cycle that restarted every friggin' month. It would be easy for someone who hadn't gone through it to just say "stop trying so hard, it will happen when it is supposed to" or "just relax and it will happen." I know what it is like to want something so badly you can taste it and feel it in the middle of your bones. When it is impossible to NOT try so hard. You know what helped me? When I found myself so sick and tired of thinking about it all the time? I read the book "The Secret." It didn't hold the answer or bring me a baby, but it gave me a new outlook on my approach and view of things. It made me shift my focus from what I didn't have to what I DID have. It made me shift my focus off of my sadness and onto the great things that would come. It helped me remember and find the joy in the FUTURE. To learn to say "wow, it's gonna be GREAT when it happens!" instead of "why hasn't it happened yet? Why haven't I been picked yet?" It was hard. But I was so tired of feeling desperate from having "wanting a baby" consume my entire life and my brain...reading that book helped inspire me to shift my focus and it just made me feel better overall. I did conceive Paige only a few cycles after reading that book; but I think that was a coincidence. :) For all of you fabulous ladies out there who are trying for a little one, please know I am thinking about you and hoping a little angel chooses you to be his/her mother soon. Yes, it will be a joyful and happy time whenever and however it may happen. But don't be afraid to allow yourself to feel that joy NOW. That's what got me through the hard days...picturing the future and the happiness that was to be, always put me in a good frame of mind. Dwelling on the sadness was all-consuming and turned into a very bad habit that took a while to break. But worth the effort! Much love and hugs.