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SOCIAL MEDIA

I can't even comprehend how six months ago this little cutie pie was baking in my belly. She was a surprise in every sense of the word. We were NOT planning her at all and so when that test turned pink on New Years eve 2017 we were shocked! But we were so over the moon happy because we wanted to start trying when Landree turned one, I guess God just knew better than we did.

On August 21, 2018 I woke up 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant feeling so awful. Something was just off and I couldn't put my finger on it. I was supposed to have a scheduled c section the following week so I just pushed through the day and by 6 pm I wasn't feeling any better. I had high blood pressure with Landree which is why she was born at 37 weeks as well but with her I had no symptoms. So I decided I would go to the walk in clinic down the street and get my blood pressure checked.

As soon as the nurse checked she checked like three more times because she couldn't believe how high it was. If I didn't live right down the street she wouldn't have let me drive myself home but I did so I called my OB and he said, "Head to the ER, looks like you're having a baby tonight." It all happened super fast. I was in the operating room in a matter of hours and by 11:25 pm Collyns Cecelia let out a perfect little cry and was born into the world.

She was a chubby little thing, weighing 8lbs and 7oz. I got to be with her in the recovery room for hours and it was seriously such a redeeming moment for me. I was able to cuddle her and do skin to skin and try to breastfeed. Its all kindof a blur as we got back to the room. I was losing a lot of blood and Collyns had low blood sugar so they needed to take her to the nicu and get my bleeding under control. After a lot of pain and meds later I was finally feeling normal but exhausted. I tried to get some sleep and then we went down to the nicu to see Collyns.

I was so wiped out and the second c section was nothing like my first. I was very sore and just so so tired. I just wanted to lay in bed and hold my baby. But once she was back in our room she had to be under the lights for 24 hrs because of jaundice. Finally on the last day we were both ready to be discharged and go home. I couldn't wait to see Landree and cuddle the four of us in our bed. Being away from your toddler for four nights is so heart breaking.

Landree came to the nicu to meet her sister for the first time and I just about cried the whole time because it was seriously the cutest thing ever. She was so happy and excited. She had the biggest smile on her face and was so happy to see me. She got spoiled rotten by her Mimi while we were in the hospital. It was so cute.

Once we got home we laid in bed and i feel asleep immediately because lets be real no one really sleeps in the hospital. Mark basically took care of Landree for me of the first two weeks because I was so sore and healing and couldn't lift her for two weeks. Which was so so hard. We would cuddle on the couch and in bed a lot so she didn't know the difference. Once I was home I started healing really fast which proves you NEED sleep to heal haha.

We are so smitten with our two girls. They make our whole lives and bring us so much happiness. Don't get me wrong two under two is HARD! But I totally believe it is all about perspective and you just have to keep a positive mindset with no expectations and it will all be good. I'm so tired at the end of the day but gratefully they both sleep through the night! God made them extra good sleepers cause I can't function without sleep, bless all you mamas who can, you are my heroes!

The very talented Brooke of Bloom Photography took these family pictures for us in the fall for our Christmas cards. I am so excited to share them all with you. I shared a couple here and there on my IG but I wanted to share them here because she did such a wonderful job. Last thing I wanted to do three months PP was take pictures, I didn't feel comfortable or like myself at all but Brooke did such a wonderful job of making it such an easy going experience. Her editing style is my favorite and I would highly recommend her if you're in the MA/RI area.

It is beyond hard to take pictures without a very important part of our family, Jaxon. It breaks my heart a little every time we decide to do pictures and I have to think of ways to incorporate him into our photos. I had this idea after seeing a picture similar to it in an article about loss, to add a shadow of Jax to one of the pics. Brooke was so honest and asked if she could include another photographer friend to help her and they did SUCH a good job! Makes me feel like Landree knew the exact picture they would use and she's telling us, "Brother is always with us". My family of five. How I wish the picture looked so different and he was actually here with us, but this picture makes me feel like he's always right there with us, every step of the way.

So sorry its been so long since I've blogged. I promise I still have the passion in my bones but life just got really busy. When Landree was about 7 months we found out I was pregnant again and oh boy, was I sick as a dog but a healthy baby girl we named Collyns Cecelia was worth it all.

She was born August 21, 2018 at 11:25 pm weighing 8lbs 7oz. We are so in love with her, she adds the perfect amount of love to our family. We named her Collyns after the girl from the blind side and her middle name is Cecelia after Marks grandmother who everyone lovingly referred to as "peachy".

So currently my life looks a lot like chasing a 22 month old toddler around, with a 6 month old on my hip. Running my Instagram page (which i'm trying to be a lot more intentional about this year), reading my bible more and recently I started an online devotional group with you lovely ladies. Life is full and filled with all the best things. I'm still in the thick of grief and having two girls 15 months apart doesn't leave much margin for grieving but I'm trying my best to be intentional about carving out time for my mental health.

I've missed writing so much because it is seriously like therapy for me. Typing out my emotions and knowing it resonates with so many of you just fills my heart with so much joy and so I am going to TRY so hard to get back at it. Trying to do 1-2 blog posts for you guys a week. Sharing outfits, home stuff, mom stuff and all the in between. I hope you'll be apart of this awesome community of positive and encouraging woman who uplift each other. I can't wait to connect more with all of you, so follow me on instagram and subscribe with your email to get the latest posts sent straight to your inbox. Hope you all are doing well, can't believe its been a whole year since I've been on my blog. Hoping to give it a little makeover and spruce it up a bit!