Reflections of an AJSS student

May 24, 2018

By:

Alexa Jeanne W. Loste

share this

Hours of intensive study every day, weeks of futile attempts at socialization, and a month and a half of summer to which I would bid farewell—these were the images running through my mind when I first laid my gaze upon the vast, intimidating lecture room of SOM 111 on the first day of AJSS classes.

The Ateneo Junior Summer Seminar (AJSS) is a summer-long program that draws hundreds of top high school juniors from Metro Manila and beyond to take the Ateneo College Entrance Test (ACET). Among the aspirants, a mere seventy are selected to participate in the eight weeks of the college experience, encapsulating rigorous academic classes, various sports activities, and an assortment of creative projects.

Given the additional workload, it might be inconceivable to some as to why a high school junior would trade in the leisure of summer vacation for a semester of additional, ungraded schoolwork. My first-ever Psychology class in Ateneo taught me that perhaps the unconscious motives behind every action will always elude our thinking minds. Even now, I can only imagine my own decision-making process: Was I seeking a challenge? A family? Myself? Regardless of what I was looking for, I would inevitably come to discover, and at times, rediscover ideas about myself, others, and even the nature of life itself.

The first jarring thing I stumbled into was the challenging learning environment that I had initially foreseen. Struggling with Mathematics, a subject that I had once considered a strength, was a blow to my self-esteem, and not to mention, my daily sleep quota. As requirements and Philosophy readings began to accumulate, so did my doubts over whether I belonged to an elite demographic of gifted students. However, instead of becoming a cause for isolation, the adversity that I encountered throughout my AJSS academic journey encouraged me to shove aside my pride and reach out for help from my professors and classmates. In History class, we learned that history is largely constructed by social memory, essentially implying that how we choose to remember events influences how the past exists to us. Parallel to this, I realized that experiences are ultimately what a person makes of them. In the face of intensive learning that tested the limits of my focus, I could choose to give in to the toxic thoughts insisting that I would never compete on the level of my classmates, or choose to maximize the experience and feel fortunate that I could learn from them.

The more that I connected with those who endured the ups and downs of AJSS by my side, the more that I found I could overcome the initial hurdles that had once beset me. Throughout our Management class, we were tasked to develop a startup product or service with a small group. Almost inconceivably, I witnessed the growth of a scribbled idea crowded among many on a brainstorm sheet into a forty-six-slide-long pitch presentation, complete with a prototype, industry analysis, and financial plan. Admittedly, when our professors had first explained the requirements of the final project to our class, my excitement was subdued with the familiar dread of doing the work meant for a group, all on my own. However, the weeks I spent with my startup team undid my fears, as every member worked together like well-oiled cogs in a machine. Each person had his or her part to play, ideas to contribute, and weight to carry—and to my great relief, each person did. The essential idea behind smart cities sums it up: success emerges from interdependent systems working harmoniously. I took this to heart, not only in academics, but also in how I attempted to emerge from my awkward cocoon and metamorphosize into the social butterfly hidden within me. My valiant efforts were rewarded by some of the most meaningful friendships I have ever had the great fortune to forge.

As the semester draws to an end, in a cyclical way, I find myself reflecting on the beginning—specifically, on two things: the farewell I bade to the leisure of summer vacation, and an English class about poetry. The latter gave meaning to the former, when our professor discussed how poetry is undefinable precisely, and how reality will always evade the reaching grasp of art, of language. I have come to see that merely describing AJSS as an adieu to my typical summer failed to encapsulate how it opened doors for a bonjour to many more meaningful experiences beyond myself. The program took me by the hand and introduced me to all sorts of adventures I did not know I was looking for, from the most mind-boggling lessons within the classroom to the most unlikely attachments to the crazy brilliant nerds who learned them all with me. At the time of writing, I am soon to face yet another farewell—but this time, a much more difficult one than I could ever anticipate: it is time to say goodbye to the AJSS experience, and to the family I gained through it. Though it may be difficult to imagine, as I peer forward into a future of uncertainty, I know that there are more hellos waiting on the other side. If there is one thing that I will never forget from all our philosophical delving into the nature of death, it is that as long as we live, what we experience is not definitive—farewells inclusive.

As I walked into the vast, intimidating lecture room of SOM 111 on my very last day of AJSS classes, I looked back on the nine daily hours of study that taught me not only Mathematics or History, but also how to make the most of my experiences, even in the face of self-doubt. I thought fondly of the weeks of imposed socialization through Management and Science projects with the people I would soon grow to appreciate and love, whose welcome collaboration helped me overcome my fears. Reflecting on English and Philosophy, I felt infinitely grateful for my decision to bid farewell to the leisure of summer vacation for a month and a half, and ended up wishing I could relive the hellos it gave me for much longer.
As it turned out, AJSS did deliver on all of my expectations, then went above and beyond anything I could possibly conjure on my own, ultimately giving meaning to my hours and weeks in the most memorable month and a half of my life.

(Alexa Jeanne W. Loste, the 51st AJSS Valedictorian, delivered this speech at the AJSS graduation held May 23,2018 at Ricardo and Dr. Rosita Leong Auditorium).