I'm just a Flower. A white rose to be exact. Gasping for air to live. Convulsed, to search for a heart to heal hers. Collapse from her dream and enter the reality of life. This is the story of a white rose

I could feel something different in him. Not just by his talk or walk, it's beyond that. I hope he isn't a nefelibata in my mind. "What do you mean?" Asked Dark CloudHis aura. It's special, like a secret potion that only fairies keep it safe inside a magic box."You're kidding me. Don't all boys are the same? Jerks.. heartless.. mean.. cruel.."No. Don't you ever say that! I maybe have been meeting the same character of men in my life but i believe that there must be an angelic guy out there. Maybe not all. Maybe not even half. But they are there. If God is willing, i want that kind of guy to show me the way as he hold my hand and walk with me"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha you are ugly and fat, no one wants you"but i believe in fate that God has planned for me and i believe in true love. I believe that one day i'll meet a guy that won't hurt me. And i think.."What? You want to say that "he" is the one that will be your fate?"i didn't say that but i will pray for that. Rain won't fall forever. There must be a beautiful rainbows after the stormy evening. "Don't be so sure and put your hope high again. You know what had happened before, don't you?"yes, i do still remember. This time, i will keep him in my prayer. I won't directly shout 'i love you' to him but yet i will whisper 'i think i have fall in love to one of your slave' to Him. i believe if he's meant for me, no matter how far we are and how long we didn't see nor contact each other, our hearts still remain strong."Wow i'm proud of you for once. You should know who you are and what religion you are in and you should know the rules. Neither couple nor flirt will give you sins. Even being too much friendly will give you sins. You know that we could only say important things to our non muhrim"How do you know this?"I'm apart of you, remember? You've learnt all this"I do but sometimes i'm just lost"You're not just lost. You're blind by the world. You thought you could do it but the fact is you can't. You're sometimes being too ego as you want things happen in your own way. God loves you, that's why you're single and alone. Praised to God because saving you from making sins, you shit"Fine i admit that i was wrong! I will try to change myself. Give me a second chance! You know everyone deserve one."Whatever. I won't let you live in nefelibata again"thank you. (Coughing up blood)"are you okay? Need me to call the doctor?"no. I'm fine. "What happened to you?"i'm just a little sick and i miss someone"Your nefelibata man?"he has a name. He is Moon.

Doctor then came to give White Rose an oxygen supplies. She's in quite critical state. She hoped for him to be around to give her supported but she mostly hoped for him to keep her in his prayer like she did.

My hero, Moon

I can't live like this anymore. It's too hurt. Moon should have known how my heart when. He is the only one who would understand all my situations very well. He's amazing. He's a perfection.

"I'm not and everyone isn't perfect, you know that" Moon smiled.

"Where did you go? I've been spending my whole life waiting for you to come"

"It wasn't me. It was.."

"What?"

"Nothing. How was your day, my angel?" his smile brings a light in her life.

"It was bad. So bad. Before that, please come in. We'll have a tea together."

"But I only got 4 minutes."

"What do you mean?" she looked very confused.

"Nothing. Tell me about your life." Moon said while he sat on a white and round table in Rose's kitchen. Rose made a Green tea for him.

"Demon gave me blade lately. He said there are happiness that I'll find behind those red blood."

"So you took it? Do you cut yourself?"

The room was full with silence for a moment. She then showed him her scars. It was still red and sometimes bleed. That was a really deep cut.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Rose my angel?"

She looked away. She didn't want to look into his eyes ; the one that is too innocent and pure white like his soul. I'm not an angel, he is. She mumbled.

"Oh please! Stop saying that to me! People tend to say life will get better but the truth is nothing will get better"

"That's because you always count on people. You expected people would give you happiness"

"But.."

"Look, baby, you don't have to be sad when things get rough nor when God separates you with the one you love. You don't even know what God's plans for you. If only you knew, I bet your heart will melt with the warmth of His love." He drank his tea like a thirst little boy. He looked at the clock hanging up on the wall. It's already late.

"I got to go" He said

"Where?"

"Somewhere far. I'm.."

How dare you leave me like everyone else when you once promised me that you won't. Remember those days when you said maybe you're the one who is send by God to protect me from myself? What happened now?

"Rose?"

She still standing and being a stone. She looked deep into his eyes

I can't let you go after everyone leaves me alone

"Rose, I'm sorry but i had to do this. I promised you I'll be back"

"When?"

"Soon. When I'm ready"

"Ready for what?!" her high pitch voice echoed to the surroundings and slowly fade away

"I'm sorry. Rose, please hear me" He hold her shoulders and kneed down. He looked deep into Rose's eyes. He saw the tears running down so fast. He wiped it and said :

"I'm sorry but I really had to go. It's personal. I hope you understand. Please, act like we didn't know each other. act like we never met before. act like you don't even know me. one day, we'll meet again and we'll start everything from A. Rose, please take care of yourself for me."

"Moon, I do understand but I can't forget you. you meant a world to me and you don't even understand how will I get through this alone. I lost a best friend. It hurts me so bad. What if I die before we could meet once again? Moon, I don't want to lose anyone anymore especially you."

"Don't be sad when God separates you with someone you love. If God wills, we will meet again. God knows the best for us."

"Moon.."

"Yes?"

"Promise me something please"

"What can I do to you, my Queen?" He smiled

"Don't replace me with another flowers in the whole world, don't forget me and please contact me as soon as you are feeling better" she hold her tears

"yes, my little princess" He got up and hugged her tight. His fragrant made her weak. She closed her eyes and let the aroma inside her.

In his arms, she asked

"Am I nothing or something to you?"

"You are something to me." He kissed her forehead and hugged her for the last time.

"Please don't cry" He wipe her tears

"I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you even more"

Then the sun rose up to say hello to the world. and that was when he vanished away. She fell down to the floor and looking at the sky.

When the light of your body shines into your eyes, that's when the stars dancing gracefully to show they're happy because you're here. Your eyes that is glimmering, so beautiful that could turn me into stone when they strike into my eyes. Then you kissed my sadness away as you change my darkest world into a beautiful garden full with happiness. But time flies by so fast and you had to let me go. Although it's hard for both of us to walk separated ways when our hands are interlock. No matter how much I screamed now, I can't change the fact that you're not here anymore. Things will never be the same. I miss you so much, Moon. I wish for things didn't go this way. I lost a piece of my heart. I lost a buddy. I lost my Moon.

"God, please protect him. He doesn't know how much I love him and he doesn't know he's a part of my life now. God, please don't separate us. I promised him that we'll be best friend forever and i keep my promises. God, please hear my cry" She laid down on top of the roof and looked up to the sky, those dark and empty sky reminded her to her soul and heart.

I'll wait for you. She wiped her tears away and suddenly she saw a splash of lights in the sky.

"MOON!" she screamed.

mental tortue

"Come out! come out wherever you are, darling!" Dark Cloud entered Rose's house. "what do you want?" she suddenly felt so cold and her pale lips told everything that she's shivering. "let me be your favourite sunshine" he smiled. "what do you mean?" she's puzzled. "let me be your favourite moonlight" he smiled again. "i don't understand" she screamed. "it's Pilot, with a new flower. by that means, not you, Rose." he walked around her, let the aroma of his evilness striked into her nose. "i don't really care, he's my past. i'm in the future." she tried to stand up for herself. "are you sure you're in the future? look at you, Rose. look at yourself! you're miserable. you've died in your past. only your body is alive but not your soul." he laughed. "just please, go away! i don't want to hear anymore!" she pushed him outside the house. "but remember Rose, Pilot is with your best friend now. remember Dandelion? so long, sucker!" he drew his step out from her then he vanished himself to the sky, the place where he belongs. the place where she should stay right now. Rose ran to her bedroom. she's thinking about what did the Dark Cloud said. "Pilot? didn't i told Dandelion to tell him about what i feel? why this is happening to me? why the nightmares keep repeating itself?" she knocked her head on the wall. "baby baby, tell me what's going on? why am i breaking apart? i can't feel myself anymore" the heart yelled. he's in panicked. "you're hurt, my lil angel. everyone is trying to break you apart. a test after test you've been going through, you're still alive but weak. will you be strong again like before?" she cried. "i can't promise you, Rose. for years i've been suffering and i don't have anyone to help me to mend this break. they didn't know that i'm fragile. they didn't know that i'm alive" the blood keep drifting and drowned her heart away. she still knocked her head on the wall. her forehead is now full with bruised. "i think you need this" a Devil smiled. she took it from his hands without thinking anymore. there's no one that warned her. no one stopping her from hurting herself like everyone else. she closed her eyes and let herself drowning in her own blood. "i'm sorry. i can't do this anymore" she wrote her suicide note.

mirror

"Mirror mirror on the wall, why i'm not happy at all?""Rose rose my lil angel, life isn't easy, sometimes it's a devil""Mirror mirror on the wall, why my tears always fall?""Rose rose the honey bun, rains come first before the sun""Mirror mirror on the wall, why do i always get my hopes high and tall?"

"Rose rose that always concern, there's a lot more in life to be learnt"for once she was speechless. she looked deep into the mirror. she saw herself and wondering about her life. she knew mirror knows the best about how she felt because mirror who always see her cries after cries. mirror who hear her screams. mirror who's the victim when she always throw the mirror onto the floor. let it wrecked and breaks some more. she always grab the fragments in her hands, take the edge and slit her sadness. let the tears of blood keep drifting and suddenly she saw someone. someone who's wrecked her naked soul, that drowned her in her own tears, let her die in her own saddened world. she doesn't know why someone could do that to her. is it wrong for her to protect someone she love? she just doesn't want anyone to steal her happiness again. she just want to be with him, so that's why she told that girl to stay away. because she loves him. but no one even care. they're so selfish so they let her be. they ignored her and all her cries. "Rose rose a down-hearted there's no need to be frustrated. there's more in life than just being disappointed. there's more than just blaming yourself. let the sorrow began to fade as the smile began to arise. i promised that everyone will treat you nice. but then promised me first to walk without cry. to run without sigh. i know it's hard babe, but it will worth it. you know, if no one is beside you, there'll be the one that always there. you can't see Him but you can feel. touched your heart, feel the beat? He is there just like the heartbeat rhythm. talk to Him, baby. i'm sure he'll reply." the broken mirror suddenly float and began to disappear.

cancer boy

Lately she dreamt the same boy every night. That cancer boy that stole her heart by the pale face and dreamy eyes. Rose looked at him and her tears fell down. She walked towards him, took the chair and sit beside him. He smell like a flower ; rose to be exact. She gave him a little note on her hand. He read it and smile ;

My Dearest,

life isn't fair

sometimes it's complicated

maybe you couldn't bare

or you'll be frustrated

but my baby hear me

life will get better

believe me, you'll see

it'll be sooner or later

i promised you my dear

we'll escape together

to another world

that'll be happier

come and hold my hands

fly away to Neverland

it may sound funny

but the scars will be mend

stop crying baby

i'll wipe your tears

i won't go anywhere, believe me

we'll stand together & face our fears

my baby please hear me

life will get better

believe me, you'll see

it'll be sooner or later

"baby you promised?" he held her hands. "promise. i never break my promises" she kissed his forehead. they fell in love since then. she slept beside him, feed him, laughing, do everything with him. one day he got a great news. he was free from cancer after for years he was suffered and he could go home. and she told him, she will be going back too. "you'll leave me?" his eyes look sad like a faded rainbow. "you'll believe in fate, right?" she said while she held his hands. "i do. but i don't want you to go. i'm afraid" he said. "i know, baby. i'm afraid too but i had to go. look at the moon and the shining stars if you miss me." she smiled with tears. "the stars won't shine without you, hun" his tears drop. she walked away without saying anything. Then she woke up from her dream. she knew it was a dream all along. she sat down on her bed, looking out through the window. she saw a wishing star. "Cancer Boy, i wish you knew how much you made my night. you're not a star nor a moon. you're not even close to be a sun nor rainbow. you're more than that. i couldn't describe you by words but i'm addicted with your kisses through the night. please kiss me again" she closed her eyes, imagining and keep dreaming. the next night, she met him again. she smiled. "i miss you" they said simultaneously.

I miss moon

She walked towards mirror. All she saw was a sad girl ; outside and inside. She looked closely to the pale face, she touched the mirror. She cried. She wonder if anyone miss her because she missed everyone. Everyone once who live in her dream. Everyone who died in her nightmare, especially Moon. The one that always shine her night. Moon is bigger than the Star. Brighter than the Star. Moon always has inspirational words for her. Without she noticed, she always smiles everytime Moon is around. She always wait for him everyday everynight. For her, he is a symbol of happiness. He showed her a way to escape from reality. But lately, they didn't like before. Their relationship died. The bond has loosed. She missed Moon as much she missed happiness. She want his back. "I want Moon to be here" she look deep into her eyes. "Will he come back?" She wonder. His voice will always remained in her ears, so peaceful for her. His smile will always remained in her eyes, the one that always make she feel safe. "Moon, hold me tight. Don't let me go." She cried. Rose missed Soldat. Rose miss Pilot. Rose missed herself. But she knew she can't bring back the past. The past remained as a memory that she'll keep in her sorrow heart. But if she could make a wish, she would wish for the memories to come alive. "I want to live in my memories". Lightning striked. The cloud cried.

waking up

she thought her dreams will ended that night. but she was wrong. new nightmare came along. she stood up by a window, looking up to the sky, smiling to a sun, say good bye. "I should die" she whispered to her soul. "Everything will change" said soul. suddenly her hazel brown eyes saw someone. someone from her memory. someone that killed her once. maybe he will kill her again this time. "Oh no!" her heart screamed. she looked at him closely and smiled. "I miss him." her tears fall. all of sudden, Queen Bee came and hugged him. she closed her eyes and knocked the window. "STOP!" she cried. why they have to be here? why they have to hug in front of me? "the first time i'm waking up in the morning and i feel like to commit suicide." she screamed her heart out. this butterflies in her stomach have died. it need to go out.