Breaking: Woman Wastes Time at Gym, Discovers She’s Already Hot

Reports are flooding in about a 25 year-old woman sighted at a local gym. Witnesses attest to watching her perform multiple sets of lunges, rows, curls, and push-ups in an attempt to, as one witness puts it, “get hot.” But the startling twist seems to be that the woman was already attractive, leaving other gym patrons perplexed.

“She spent like an hour on the treadmill this morning,” claims one bystander. “I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing that if I looked like her.”

Several other witnesses marveled at her useless dedication, citing alternative activities that she definitely could’ve been doing instead, including binge-watching Netflix, banging a bunch of guys, and eating “a crap-ton of pizza.”

When the woman herself was asked to comment she appeared to be shocked.

“Wait, what? I’m hot already? Damnit, why didn’t anybody tell me?”

She then threw her gym bag into a nearby trashcan and left, muttering something about cheesecake.

I started laughing when I was reading this and my 15 year old son took away my phone and read it. He handed my my phone back and said, “Dad, if you wrote great stuff like that instead of Haiku to road killed Skittles and Odes to Napkins, and shit,I’d be happy to share your stuff with my friends!”
I long for the day I get such praise!

LOL! Love how you’ve combined silliness with the reality of it all. I keep seeing women at the gym who are very careful to wrap up in towels going to and from the pool… when they don’t need to. We all need glasses when we look in the mirror.