Friday, March 4, 2011

The Gifts of Not Fitting In

As the mother of an 11 year old girl, I am aware of the angst about who is popular and who isn’t, what clothes are in, how your hair should be straightened like everyone else’s, what shoes to wear, etc. These thoughts grow with us as we grow. Fitting in and being accepted by a “majority” or an arbitrary norm is what many people struggle with.

As adults we go with the flow of life unaware that many of our decisions are based on being accepted by others, fitting in with colleagues or superiors at work. Just like children in the playground we become aware of who has the most toys and might be someone good to hang out with.

In fact, trying to fit in is what we all do. From the cars we drive, the neighborhoods we live in, the electronic devices we use, to the clothes we wear, the places we vacation in, etc. It’s all about being influenced by something we heard on TV, the internet, a friend, family, etc. Our choices are limited by mass consciousness.

It is all fine, until something goes wrong. With all of our due diligence inevitably, something will happen: a parent will die, a diagnosis will come in, a job will be lost, etc. and we frantically run around sometimes in circles trying to find an answer. Those of us who believe we have always fit in find this extremely difficult. How could this have happened? Faced with our own raw emotions, we no longer fit in and shock ourselves as well as those around us by our reaction to what has happened.

On the other hand, those of us who are familiar with not belonging or fitting in, tend to handle these types of events more gracefully. There are many gifts that not fitting in provides. Here is my list of reasons to celebrate being different.

The gifts of not fitting in:
1) Independence
2) Free to think for yourself
3) Free to do what you want
4) Not mentally busy with trying to please or be accepted so you can live your life by your own rules
5) Compassion for others who do not fit in
6) A strong leader, not easily influenced
7) Better able to detect those who try to influence you/not easily gullible
8) Concerned with being fair
9) Loyalty towards meaningful relationships
10) Flexible toward different points of view

Questions to ponder:

1) What are your top three influencers (people or trends that influence you)?
2) Are you ok with these influences?
3) Who would you be without them?

If you would like to further explore the path to true freedom where you make your own choices free from mass consciousness, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual coaching is about freeing yourself from out dated beliefs and influences so you can live with true conscious choice. Contact me for a complimentary consultation to decide if this is something you'd like to have in your life.