Thursday, 19 June 2014

RE: HOW FORGIVING ARE YOU

I just read Atoskin's How Forgiving Are You post and I was typing up a response, but
discovered I had done a mini post. So I decided to come on here to share and
then link to her instead. Good idea, right? I thought so too, particularly since
some of you don't know if I'm still breathing. I thankfully am. Tongue out to
haters. I'm not sure I have haters though. I haven't gotten any hateful emails
or anything but I just wanted to feel like a gangster with haters and shii. I hear you haven't
"arrived" until you get hateful emails. It'll be so cool :D

Ok, I digress. I think I've just been blog-lazy.
Life is busy and all but...sigh. Totally off topic, can you believe Charlie Boy
is 64?? By the way, please google Vera Sidika. She's Kenyan and blessed. Do not do this in public though or at work. This is a stern warning! Do Not! But if you're by yourself, google away. I don't know how one person gets to have all that when I'm still struggling to grow my own. Life as we know can be several wraps of rotten Amala and stale Gbegiri and Ewedu *deep sigh*

Anyways, so Atoskin mentioned how she ignores
whoever offends her or believes that the extent of the offense is directly
proportional to the silent treatment the offender will receive. She thinks
it's a huge problemmost especially
because its not "christainly".

I have actually touched briefly on how I handle
anger in this Elevens post. (You'll enjoy that post if you missed it) I think I'm a little like her in the silent
treatment thing and yea, it depends on the gravity of the "sin". I
don't gripe much and I try not to take
things too seriously. I usually give people a very long rope because I can't be
bothered to carry all that emotional baggage around. It's exhausting. I
actually make excuses for other people's bad behaviour which I have
been told is enabling. *sigh* Most times, I forget these bad behaviours until the next
time the person does it and I remember that they've done something similar. If I
see that it's a pattern and it's really grating, I let you know.

Anyway,
so when I react, you'll probably see it coming. In my case, though, the
ignoring time is not exactly used for planning revenge, although revenge can be
more satisfying but see en, I'm trying to make heaven. The ignoring period is
more about processing what happened and how it went down. I need to cool off
and process. Did I react appropriately? Do you get why I'm angry? Did I
overreact? Would I have said the same in your shoes? Etc (Very reasonable girl
like me ba? Don't be fooled o. I'm not always like this) Other times, it's just that i need space from the situation. There's no way you'll piss me off and
you won't notice my silent treatment (as a chatterbox like me)

If you're a confrontational person, I'd prefer not
to talk to you at that point because if I do, I won't hold back. I would
probably explode and say worse things. Now, when I'm ranting, please don't tell
me to calm down.

I also think being sorry is a process so you
can't just say sorry to me at the time. I won't take it seriously, again, depending on the gravity of your "sin". I'll think
it's just a way for you to shut me up. Forgiveness is the ultimate thing though,
because like I said earlier, I don't care for the emotional baggage plus I have
requests with God and I wouldn't want to be in a precarious situation with God. Plus, there's a Yoruba saying that says: Ti a ba gbagbe oro ana, a ni r'eni basere which roughly translates to: "To Err is human, to forgive is divine"

So that's how I mostly manage anger :D How you manage yours?

I'll be back soon.

P.S: Thanks for the concerned emails, calls, SMS
and DMs to check up on me. *sloppy kisses*

The only good thing about the way i manage anger is that i don't react, at least not immediately. I'm not even sure if its good or bad thing but i think its more of good than bad because the few times i was confrontational, it ended up being very messy. Once i start raising my voice, it just keeps ascending as though i am modulating a song (lol). Truth is everyone has different approaches to handling situations but bottom line is that we must forgive whoever offends us and not let the sun go down on our anger.

Come to think of it, you must really be a nice person (like i don't know this already) to make excuses for people's bad behaviour.

I am glad i motivated you to type a post today. Don't run away for too long this time!

Lmaoo@ nice. I'm not sure it's a nice thing jare. It can be seemingly cowardly (don't be fooled. I do not run from a fight) It's just that i like to give people a wide berth and i don't want to believe they know they are being annoying. I have a friend who always stops me when i start saying: maybe s/he doesn't mean it like that...or maybe she's tired..you know Lagos is mad and she's busy etc. I'm an enabler *wails*

I hear you about revenge. It really is sweet. Sigh. It really is hard isn't it? Thank God for God o, if not, some people will be having it on a daily. Plus karma is sweet too. She's slow sometimes though

I like to talk. I hate feeling like there were things I should have said but forgot to say them when the moment was ripe. It makes me lose sleep at night thinking "i should have said THIS and then i should have said THAT!" lol!But marriage is making me a bit calmer. mostly because NH keeps me accountable for my outbursts

silent treatment usually works best for me too. Because if i try to open my mouth at that pint, I will surely say things I will end up regretting. The bad thing about the silent treatment though is that it gives me enough time to process the whole scene over and over and then i make up my mind weather you are worth keeping as a friend or not. Harsh much, I know, but I don't want people who bring out the worst in me at all.

The silent treatment is my way. I don't know how to talk plenty when am angry. If I happen to talk, am sure to say a thing or two I would regret. So most times I just walk away and may later sort it out if the opportunity present itself.

Lmaooo look at this lady, 200k to be my hater?? lmaooooo #Dead. Biko, yea hating is hard (i can't deal/be bothered) but you cannot start a career on here abeg. If you find someone to pay you for hating, i'm game too o. I will hate all you want for 100k a week.

Oh well i just walk away and give you the silent treatment for awhile then tell you later what you have done. but i mostly hate it when someone acts stupid several times then says sorry all the time. like what's the point. at that point i just ignore for the rest of ur life..lool.

It depends....Sometimes I shut up and sometimes I speak up, depending on the person.

I think forgiveness is selfish. I do it for myself, not really for the person. I don't want God to not forgive me, so if what I need to do to be in God's good books is to let someone who offended me go? Easy choice.

I detest confrontational arguments and so I turn on the mute button when offended.

Meting out the silent treatment itself is reactional...you'd definitely know I've been rubbed off the wrong way, then I 'purge' myself and I'm free and fine. All forgiven...until the next episode, that is.

Just like me. You get all the excuses and grace till I run out of supply, you cease to exist to me afterwards. "if it's a guy and there is the need to knock him out then yes he's gonna get knocked out"

The way I handle anger depends on the offender; The silent treatment never worked for me though because most times I am still thinking about the offense while the offender has moved on, so I figure, why should I suffer alone?

I walk away, get home and address the offending party in the comfort of my home (usually in front of a mirror). Depending on the magnitude of my anger/annoyance, the address can go on for 2 to 3 days (definitely not continuous). When I'm satisfied (which is usually the case since the offending party in absentia shuts up during the address), we are back to normal the next time I see them.So, it appears I'm a very nice, cool, calm person who never gets angry. Not sure if that means I'm forgiving though.

I think that's just giving bad mannered folks too much free air time.I love everyone because God asked me to but I don't like everybody.If your wahala too much, I demote you to level of acquaintance- meaning I'll still help you if I can but only within business hours subject to other acquaintances already in line (First In First Out).'Friends' get VIP treatment and 24hrs service/attention. Shikena.No one can make us angry unlike we let them- Eleanor Roosevelt

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