The Tub of Popcorn

Last Wednesday, a friend gave me an extra ticket to the Timbers soccer game. One of the dudes next to us offered us his flask asking “Would you like to meet my friend Jack?”. We politely declined but ended up going out with them to the bar across the street from the stadium afterward. The same gentlemen with the flask was now fairly intoxicated and had lost his wallet, so I’m not sure how he paid for the chicken wings he was shoving in his face. After starring at me for awhile, he then burped and blew it in my face and followed it up with “We’re meant to be together.” After declining his offer of a make out session, I finished my soda water and went home.

That Saturday was a rough one. I managed to hold off drinking for the Michigan State game in the morning, and went home and got a run in before meeting back up with the group at the bar. We went to a restaurant where one of the girls I was with knew the bartender, which proved to be the beginning of my demise. He was giving us free shots and drinks… so I was half in the bag by the time we left to go back to the Sports bar for the Duck game. I only remember ordering 2 vodka sodas, but I’m told this lead to me taking a bite of stranger’s quesadilla before yelling “Fuck the Ducks” in a bar FULL of duck fans. I woke up in my bed the next morning and there were pieces of hay and crumpled leaves everywhere from the walk home. I was so sick all day Sunday that I didn’t eat anything all day. On the bright side I felt really skinny Monday morning. I also had to return to the bar Monday night to retrieve the debit card I had left there when I forgot to close out my tab. I’m an asshole.

Thursday a coworker brought in a giant cookie and some cupcakes and put it in the conference room. A fucking giant cookie! My powers were helpless against it and I made at least 4 trips in there to shave off a little more cookie each time.

Friday I went to see “Contagion” with a friend. We went and got veggie burritos beforehand, meaning I wasn’t even hungry when I ordered two gallon tub of popcorn… and ate the ENTIRE fucking thing. The worst part was they gave me a tiny cup of water so I was so thirsty through out the entire movie but just kept eating anyway. My friend was both astonished and disgusted when he saw the empty tub and the end of the movie.

Saturday was another day of football and drinking. I ended my night at the Thai place across from my building shoving my face with pad thai and falling asleep at like 6 PM.

Sunday morning was the low point of the week. I ate two sweet potatoes, a veggie sushi roll, salad, chow mein, and an ENTIRE bag of english muffins with earth balance butter. All while never leaving my couch. Horrible.