A man went to see a psychiatrist because he had multiple personalities. Sometimes he thought he was a character from an opera. At other times, he thought he was a German soldier. The psychiatrist was perplexed by the man's problem. After many sessions, the psychiatrist still couldn't find a cause for the man's split personality. But it was clear that the man didn't know if he was Carmen or Goering.

But it was clear that the man didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring

lol, I have one... During the war at an unnamed concentration camp a very cruel comandant took a group of guests out to a large field and made them run for hours. Then he took them to the edge of a cliff left side to the edge right side out, he told them to say tick and lean to the right and then say tock and lean to the left. One by one the guests would fall over the cliff. One man remained however after three hours of tick/tock. The commandant noticed the man just kept leaning right and saying tick tick tick over and over again. Enraged the Commandant raced over to the man, grabbed his shirt in his fist and screamed,
"Ve haf vays uv makinge you tock!"

mark oh-well Bailey

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Make the most of it...kb

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention to arrive safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: Wow!!! What a ride!"

And may I stick my oar in here for International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Next to Halloween, this is one of my all-time favorite holidays! Aaarrgggh mateys, I'm expectin' participation with zest before, durin' and after September 19. Start studyin' the pirate glossaries, translators, pick-up lines, name-generators "to aid in yer pirate-talkin' endeavors".

A little history lesson...
In the 1800s, the Tates Watch Co. was known for its fine watches, but it decided to branch out with new products. It decided its watch cases could hold compasses and they could sell them to pioneers heading west. But their compasses were so terrible. Many travelers ended up in Mexico or Canada instead of California. That gave birth to the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."

skinem wrote:A little history lesson...In the 1800s, the Tates Watch Co. was known for its fine watches, but it decided to branch out with new products. It decided its watch cases could hold compasses and they could sell them to pioneers heading west. But their compasses were so terrible. Many travelers ended up in Mexico or Canada instead of California. That gave birth to the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."

In the days of building the transcontinental railroad, an Irishman, a German and a Chinaman are newly hired. (Of course this isn't PC. But shiver me timbers, what else is new?)

The Irishman is put in charge of laying track and driving spikes. The German is put in charge of dynamiting the mountains to make tunnels. The Chinaman is put in charge of the canteen and supplies.

The crew finishes their first days work and look forward to a good meal. The Chinaman is nowhere to be seen. The crew goes to bed hungry. This repeats for three days. And the disgruntled men wonder where in the world the Chinaman can be.

Finally on the fourth day, the Chinaman jumps out of a nearby cave, shouting SUPPLIES!

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Lately it hasn't been working."Anonymous

The 'herring' comment reminds me... We have a local office called 'TOTAL HEARING SOLUTIONS', and the font they chose to print the sign makes the A in 'hearing' look like another R. Every time we drive by it my brain tries to read the dern thing as 'TOTAL HERRING SOLUTIONS', and suddenly I feel like I'm in a Scott Adams novel...

tcward wrote:Every time we drive by it my brain tries to read the dern thing as 'TOTAL HERRING SOLUTIONS', and suddenly I feel like I'm in a Scott Adams novel...

-Tim

If you're talking about the "famous Herring Sandwich experiments conducted millennia ago at MISPWOSO (The MaxiMegalon Institute of Slowly and Painfully Working Out the Surprisingly Obvious)" I think you mean Douglas Adams?

OTOH, Scott Adams documented "blind herrings"...

-gailr
not a big fan of herrings, whether sandwiched, sighted or pickled