Serenity's Cipher

Friday, August 18, 2017

The core of who I am... my foundation... is 5% ideology and Culture. It doesn't change no matter what I dabble in. and where as I am not a static individual... I grow, change, add on new while discarding that which no longer serves me... as I might investigate different modalities... I am still a true and living Earth

Friday, August 4, 2017

I’ve been working a new job since November. I suppose I shouldn’t call it a ‘new’ job, but it feels that way. I already know that I won’t be staying here for a long time… But it is what it is. This is not the kind of job that will give me a sound retirement. And I’ve reached the point of my life where that becomes more and more important.

But what happens at this Justice is…. My Ethiopian boss is obsessed with my lifestyle. When he hired me, my head was covered. I didn’t bring it up and he didn’t bring it up. He assumed I was a Muslim and I didn’t correct him. This went on for a few months until a patient asked me about some Muslim thing. I looked confused and said, “I’m not a Muslim.” My boss heard it and said. “You have to be.” I asked him why? He said because you cover your hair. I said that other Cultures cover heads, no just Muslims. That shit blew his mind.

He comes back and mentions that he could not think of any other religion outside of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. How is this my problem? I countered by naming over 15. He was floored, and I don’t know why. Was he surprised because I knew something he didn’t or because or that I dared to be other than what was familiar to him. As a grown assed, educated, traveled man he had to know that there was more than just what he has personally experienced. he's a Catholic who hasn't been to church since his daughter was baptized. Anywho….

Over and over and over and over…. He keeps challenging me with Christianity. Telling me that I can’t be a good person if I’m not a Christian. This shit is driving me crazy. I keep telling him that this isn’t appropriate conversation for him to be having with me at work. That this country allows certain freedoms. But still he goes on and on.

I’ve said all this to say…. I’m a walking, talking representative of Allah’s Culture. Clearly I’m different. I only wear dresses and yes my dresses are long. I cover my head. I don’t perm my hair. And I don’t discuss why I’m different with folks unless I Cee that they are open to calm dialogue. I’m set. I’ve been a Christian and I’m not going back. So there needs to be no discussion. I’m not casting pearls before swine. So if I don’t Cee you to be a viable candidate for our Culture, I’m not going through the pain to introduce you. (I know…. Our duty is to the uncivilized) But I’m not about to have a unnecessary discussion that can lead to that can lead to unemployment.

Also I consider, that I people will judge the Culture that I don’t discuss, by me… interactions, how I carry myself and so on. I get that. And In that getting I strive to be the best Earth that people unfamiliar with Allah’s 5% will ever meet.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

I know it's been awhile. Life has been happening on an exponential level. And where I'm firmly grounded in my own Cipher.... It hasn't been easy.

What prompted this Build, is other people.... and how they Cee life.

I mentioned that I lost the job I had for 13 years. It was a surprise, but I weathered it. I saw it as an opportunity to take the devil off the last available part of my planet. I have already put my life in an order to where I don't live with devils, or socialize with devils. I basically only came into contact with them when I was working. But when that went away.... I saw my opportunity to change that situation. So I currently work for a Black man (he calls himself Black) from Ethiopia. Which is technically part of the "cradle of civilization." I saw an opportunity to reconnect with a part that I had never experienced...

Well..............

My new boss is not much different from my old boss. The color of their skin is different, but their world view is similar. And their world view is similar to so many folks world view.... Money or the acquisition of wealth.

I like money as much as the next person. But I Cee money for what it is... a way to finance my desires. I earn it. I don't worship it. But many people don't see money in the same way. My boss for example.... he has two jobs making a VERY comfortable income on his own. In addition to his money, his wife is a pharmacist. The two of them are not hurting for money. But that is all they do. Make money. I have asked them what they do for fun. Neither of them have fun. They don't read books. They don't travel unless they have to. They have no extra curricular activities. They are even hard pressed to tell me what they enjoy. Now they may be just bullshitting me... But they aren't shy about asking me a ton of personal questions about what I enjoy and my lifestyle. So that would have me conclude is their sole purpose in life is to acquire wealth and possessions.

That sounds like hoarding to me. If your goal in life is to only have shit, then you're a hoarder. If your aren't going to use or enjoy the shit you rack up then why earn it? Some people like to work and work so they have millions in the bank. I'm not here to tell you what you should be enjoying. If looking at a fat assed bank account every month gives you wood, then get at it! But I don't think that's accurate for most people.

Money is a means to something else. I often make the joke that I work for cable. I love cable television and I need a nice TV to watch it on and a comfortable space to enjoy. That's true! But I also work because I like not having to worry about bills. I work because I like to have have nice clothes. I like to to travel. I like to learn new things and take classes. I will take a class, that I have to pay for, for no other reason but I enjoy the content. There is a bunch of shit I like to do. And I need money for that. So I'm clear why I work. But other folks want and want, but don't have a plan outside the cash how to achieve their goal. Example: Say, you want a house. How are you going to get one? are you going to work and save up a couple of hundred thousand dollars and buy a house? If that's your plan, then get Jamaican with your work because you're going to need to. But if you plan to get a mortgage.... Do you know how? Have you done the research? Do you already know what the house will cost? Where you want it? How do mortgages work? What else is involved? Maybe a house is too big for folks to comprehend. A car isn't. so are you going to buy your car outright? Or are you just putting money aside forever and eventually something will happen to allow you to purchase a car. Sounds crazy doesn't it. It is. And that's the point I'm making. People want money. But when I ask for what? They don't have any real answer. I suppose just to have it. But money will not fix all your problems. If you contract an incurable condition... Money won't stop you from dying. yes you will have a nice funeral but dead is dead. Eddie Long went out like a champ. But his wife now has all his money. You can't take it with you.

Money is an illusion. There are a ton of apocalyptic movies out there, where devils actually tell you you're money is just paper. And the federal government will print more money as they deem necessary. If a nuclear bomb drops on Washington D.C. and destroys the US, providing you live, all the money you have been working for won't get you shit. Because it will be gone. Literally. Money is a government backed concept so when the government goes... your money goes with it. Should that happen, what do you have to fall back on? What would you do for fun? How would you support yourself? Where is the pleasure in the acquisition of wealth then?

I'm not saying don't work. But I am saying the work ain't the end all be all. Make sure there is plenty in your life that you enjoy. Because is what makes life worth living!

Thursday, May 11, 2017

It is important for folks when they find they gender role to be true and honest in expression. For it affects your destiny.....

And I’m a preface this by saying I’m a female and I’m going to mark this Build like a female. Everything I’m saying can apply to men or others, but you have to translate it. And that’s your job. Not mine.
Men and women are different. It’s not just our genitals that make us different but just about everything in life.... We each have our own natures and that is right and exact. We don’t need everyone to be doing the same things. Men go out and hunt. They don’t need to be distracted by the pretty flowers. Women can see different spectrum… That’s useful when we are striving to find medicinal plants. We can taste different aspects of food too. Also good for determining if food is spoiled. Our hearing is more precise. So we can hear our babies when they are in distressed and specifically our own babies. Our outlook, our jobs, our familial responsibilities..... Every fucking thing…. All different. Don’t drink the KoolAid when they tell women to think like a man. There is nothing wrong with how we think. And men think disturbing thoughts.

I’m a female. Born that way, identify as a female. Therefore I need to act like a female. I had this realization more than a decade ago. I used to wear pants and sneakers all the time. I’m naturally tomboy hard and that was coming out like gangbusters. Lesbians approached me more than men. So much in fact that was getting offended. I’m not homophobic, but I wanted men to approach me and not women. I was giving off an energy that was contrary to what I wanted. Also, my cycles became irregular. Think about it, if I was trying to be a man, why would I need a cycle?

So, I started wearing only dresses and skirts. Well….. If you are wearing skirts, you need to wear heeled shoes and not sneakers. Now that I have on a dress and shoes, I can’t walk all butch, and I can’t walk anywhere I want. I now have to be ladylike. And the men responded. If a man saw me in a struggle with pants on, they let me struggle. But if a man saw me struggle in a dress, they came to my aid. They opened doors…. Reached items I couldn’t reach… helped me over puddles and gravel…. carried heavy packages for me…. Spoke to me in a more respectful manner. I will not trade that for anything. It’s what’s kept me in skirts/dresses for nearly 15 years. But I had to get myself in a position where I could also RECEIVE male energy. That is something that women do all the time. It not only affects the women receiving the energy, but it repels the men giving it. If a man offers me a seat on the bus/train, I ALWAYS take it. Even if I don’t need or want it. Men need to take care of women and women need to feel cared for. I want that man to always offer a seat to women. Maybe there is a sickly, or elderly, or pregnant woman who needs a seat. I want that man to know she won’t rebuff him.

My point is..... If you are a woman and want to be a woman.... embrace the whole package. There is nothing wrong with it. If you strive to be a man because you perceive you have to, then you will truly become a man. You’ll lose your curves and they will be replaced with muscle. Your voice will deepen. You will develop facial hair. You will attract all the male issues and problems into your life and you have not been taught or socialized how to handle them. In the end you will crack up.
I went to Catholic school. Nuns aren’t feminine… at all. You can actually tell how long a woman has been a nun by how masculine she looks. If she has a high voice and hips, she’s a neophyte. But those long term nuns… deep voices, no curves, goatees and masculine demeanors. They got Jesus. They don’t need another man. Priests in turn, are effeminate. Now this is a tricky issue because a lot of gay men turn to the priest hood. But they have no need to be masculine unless they are striving to move up the priestly ranks. So they lose the base in their voices and other things.

There is nothing wrong with being “high maintenance” or a “gold digger”. Don't let those titles offend you. What man wants a busted looking woman? Women naturally make their surroundings comfortable. We nest. Our nests need to be comfortable for our babies. So High maintenance? Bring that shit right here! And women are not natural providers. Men are. So a man with some means? Bring that man to me! It’s his job to provide for me and our children. I, in turn, will give him a home that he can be comfortable in.

I’m a Black woman. But I’m not a strong Black woman. I work and make money. But I don’t provide for my family. That’s my husband’s job. But my job is to care, and take care of my family intuitively. And I do that. When I was single and had to do the man thing for myself.... I allowed myself female trappings of crying when I had to do man’s work. That was a sacrifice to wash away the male energy. And I went all in on the girly to counteract the masculine. And I was single as long as I chose to be. Don’t be confused... Men want women. Not women that buck, but women who are soft. And I’m not saying doormats. There is a mighty power in femininity. But in this age, we are not taught how to use it. If your expectation is you have to do for self because you don’t want to rely on a man. Then you’re reality is you won’t get one.
You don’t just commit to a destiny with your words. Your actions play a part as well....

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

This is not going to be a well-received post. It really isn’t. But what can I say? I’m a truth speaker. And maybe this might soothe a torn relationship.

My father used to tell me all the time that I needed to hang with women that were in the same “life situation” as me. Meaning, if I had children then I should be friends with other mothers. If was married, my friends should also be married. And so on…. He said that women in particular could be jealous of a situation that they didn’t possess. That statement bothered me immensely because my friends were starting to get married and have children. That meant that I would have to get brand new friends that I had no Koran with, and that unsettled me. But Daddy didn’t give life advice all that often and…. It was usually right on target. Through the years, it turned out to be exactly the truth. It never stopped being unsettling though. Especially since I’m a person that doesn’t make friends easily. But I find that even now… having friends outside my station leads to unnecessary stress.

I’m a married woman. That means I have responsibilities to my husband and household. I can’t just drop everything and hang out with the girls. I need some advanced notice. My husband expects things from me. He wants to spend time with me when he comes home from work. And he wants a home cooked meal. He understands that I need time out to be a girl (I am VERY girly), but I also need time with him and the cat. And that is something single women need to understand.

My husband is not subjugating me with these expectations. I knew this before I married him. And in knowing all that, it’s disrespectful for me to flout those agreed upon expectations. So…. Now…. I have to mitigate my relationship with my manless-women friends. I’m sorry ladies, I need to know well in advance if we are going to hang out during family time. It’s not that I need to get permission to hang with you, but I have to make some adjustments. If we are going out on Wednesday, I have to pre-cook dinner. I’ll have to find some extra time with the God during the previous week. Maybe I let him watch the game in the bedroom rather than banish him to the man cave. And, most importantly, I will tell him in advance that I’m going out. That’s super fair. But for him to just come home and I’m not there, no food is cooked and I don’t get home until he’s asleep is not fair to him. And if he did that to me….. there would be a super problem.

And I don’t need to hear your mouth telling me…. Someone’s wife…. How to control MY husband. Let me let you in on a little secret. Happily married women don’t tell other women how to ‘control’ their men. We may tell each other things that we do to make our spouses happy, but we understand that every man is different. and I get there there are situations where single women aren't necessarily "single" in the mind. I was previously widowed, I still behaved like a married woman for years after the event. Also women who are in polygamous relationships are somewhere in the middle. But both of those situations, the women have men.... It's just part time or something else. But if you have NO man… you really have nothing to share to those of us that do have men. I’m just saying….

Thursday, December 22, 2016

It's the holiday season for most folks. It isn't for me, though. But somehow I think you knew that. Gods and Earths don't celebrate Christmas.... or we shouldn't. I get the xmas has 2 sides: the religious side and the secular side. We aren't religious people but the secular side is no less religious. You just exchange Jesus for Santa Claus. Santa has a back story and there are practices. How is it different from Jesus? That being said.... I stopped celebrating Christmas long before I went under instruction...

My mother and I have issues.... But she always got the gift giving holidays right. Birthdays and xmas were awesome in our house. I was very lucky to have parents who had their finances in order. Except for when I asked for a Walkman... that cost $700 back then.... I always got whatever I asked for. Lucky little girl I was!. Mommie was good about keeping her secrets so you really didn't know what was happening until it did. One xmas, she was in the hospital and still managed to pull off wrapped gifts, breakfast and everything!

B.U.T..... As I got older, xmas fell off. Xmas is really time for children. At least that's how it's always been for me. I was the youngest and once I was too old for the childish celebration, it stopped entirely. My mother would decorate the window instead of putting up a tree. And she would return a gift if you didn't buy her one of equal or greater value. We didn't even share a meal as a family anymore. Christmas is for kids. My 1st xmas of being a wife, my husband and I put up an elaborate tree. I bought a ton of presents to make xmas morning exciting. He bought 1 gift. It wasn't exciting to me. Again, I was slapped in the face with the fact that xmas was for kids. My late husband did buy me a nice and expensive gift but it wasn't his nature to do up the holidays or birthdays like my biological family. We got into the habit of travelling on xmas so there was no need to decorate.

After H1 died... I still remained a dutiful christian for a few more years. I only put a tree up once. I had a xmas party so you need a tree for that and a man I was dating decided to give me a real tree after I told him I never had one before. It was kinda cool... until my cat peed on it. That year I had 2 1/2 trees and only 2 gifts for me under any of them. This is not my idea of xmas so I gave it up. I knew I probably wasn't ever going to have children so I'm not going through the effort.

Now that I'm a righteous, true and living Earth.... I hardly think of xmas. I don't celebrate it. I would love to work through it and get paid time in a half! The God and I literally stay in bed all day and eat Chinese food for dinner. The only gift I buy is for my mother. So she doesn't tell folks her heathen daughter doesn't love her. She sells that shit really well because I don't go to church with her... and I'm not. That's xmas for me. New years looks pretty much the same... I don't stay up anymore. I love being this age. The age of "I really don't give AF!"

Friday, December 16, 2016

A couple of days ago, I visited an old friend. This woman and I share a profession. She actually practices said profession, where I just hold the degree. Still and all it was a pleasant visit. We had been cool in the past and quickly got caught up. BUT.... there's always a but right? She, in her way, judged me for not pursuing my career.

This judgement is not new to me. My godmother said for all in the cipher to hear that I am a huge disappointment to my mother. I mean she said it as casually as one would remark about the weather. And she wonders why I don't call her. I'm used to hearing this over and over again. But on Tuesday, it kind of pissed me off.

I don't get why folks feel comfortable judging other folks. I'm not going to say I don't judge folks... But I don't really. I mean if I see someone I don't know wearing something shady, I will in a passing, wonder where her friends are. But when it comes to people I know, I trust them to make their own decisions. Because at the end of the day.... Their decisions really don't have any affect on my own life. I can show and prove it.... I have a friend who makes soooooo many poor choices. But that's her life to live. Not mine. I mentally support her through the consequences of her actions; but I have no dog in her race.

So my professional friend in her effervescent pity of my life had to get them words. I asked her how her husband was. She said fine. I let her know my husband was fine too. I asked her how her family was. I let her know my family was fine as well. I asked her when her last vacation was. She said she hasn't had one in years. I let her know where I had recently visited and where I'm going next. I asked her about hobbies that I know she likes. She's too busy to busy to do any of them. We used to belong to the same book club, so I asked her what she was reading. She's too busy to read. See where I'm going with this? But after about 30 minutes, she got the picture I was throwing. In a last ditch effort she strived for shade and asked me about my finances. She knows that I had a period of unemployment. I let her know that at no point in my extended vacation did I miss a meal or want for something I needed. I also reminded her that in our 15 year friendship, never have I asked for a penny or a ride to the airport. I just wanted to laugh with an old friend.

But this is a righteous 5% blog. So I should be able to draw up the situation in degrees right? Well..... I can. I counteracted her judgement by forcing her to acknowledge the Equality of our lives. Yes she is working the career that we went to school for. But is she living better than I? I've been to her mansion. She has to work HARD to pay for that. My home is modest in comparison, but even after being unemployed for 8 months, I was able to meet my financial responsibilities. She couldn't do that if the tables were reversed. But that is the Equality of our lives. She's not living better than me. And she needed to be shown that.