Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Most Interesting Blog Post in the World

He used to smoke joints, now his joints are smoked

He still listens to K.C. & The Sunshine Band – on a 8-track player

He has more hair growing on his back, than is growing on his head

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t eat ice cream often, but when I do, I prefer dos de cucharas (two scoops)

I don’t dance often, but when I do, I prefer the dos paso (two step)

I don't drive sports cars often, but when I do, I prefer dos puertas (two doors)

He can explain the benefits of a Roth IRA

He smokes a pipe – filled will legal substances

He has man-boobs that make teen-age girls envious

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t drink Pepsi often, but when I do, I prefer dos litros (two liters)

I don’t wear glasses often, but when I do, I prefer dos vidrios (two lenses)

I don’t have threesomes often, but when I do, I prefer dos gemelas (two twins)

He knows why his wife is upset with him – without even asking

He used to play lacrosse.Now he just drives one.

He believes corn-holing should be done in private

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t wear footwear often, but when I do, I prefer dos zapatos (two shoes)

I don’t fly small planes often, but when I do, I prefer dos motors (two engines)

I don’t get complete physical exams often, but when I do, I prefer dos enfermeras (two nurses)

He knows how to properly hit a lob wedge

He used to go back packing.Now he packs his back in ice.

He knows how much fiber he can eat -- without blowing out his shorts

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t eat hamburgers often, but when I do, I prefer dos pastelillos (two patties)

I don’t shoot shotguns often, but when I do, I prefer dos canons (two barrels)

I don’t marry trophy wives often, but when I do, I prefer veintidós años de edad (22-year olds)

He has experienced the benefits of compound interest

The kids in the neighborhood call him Buddha – but not for his wisdom

He used to spend money to be authentically hip.He now spends it on artificial hips.

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t tee off often, but when I do, I prefer dos maderas (two woods)

I don’t play poker often, but when I do, I prefer dos ases (two aces)

I don’t use small bills often, but when I do, I prefer dos dolares (two dollars)

He can calculate his own cholesterol level

He knows the best way to prepare for a colonoscopy

He just bought a new shaver – for his ear hair

He is - the most middle-aged man in the world

I don’t use sugar often, but when I do, I prefer dos cubos (two cubes)

I don’t throw fastballs often, but when I do, I prefer dos costuras (two seamers)