MoviePass Stock Hits Record Low, Begs to Be Put Out of Its Misery

How does MoviePass still exist at this point? The company, which offers customers the ability to see one movie per day for the too-good-to-be-true price of $9.99 per month, has rapidly morphed into a case study in mystifying capitalism. Despite its consistently declining stock value, and the fact that the company spends far more than it brings in, MoviePass continues to operate — but for how much longer?

Variety reports that stock for MoviePass’ parent company has hit another record low, and although the company has now lost approximately 98 percent of its value, rock bottom remains bizarrely elusive. I mean, listen: One of the first things you learn about making and having money is that you can’t spend more than you earn. It’s the most basic principle of financial responsibility, and yet, as of April, MoviePass had $15.5 million in cash with another $27.9 million on deposit with various merchants; their monthly expenses totaled $21.7 million.

I’m not a math genius or anything, but that definitely looks like someone is spending more than they’re bringing in — like, you might want to run an intervention at this point. It also explains why MoviePass decided to launch “peak pricing,” which allegedly increases the cost to see a movie based on the popularity of the title and showtime in your area. Unfortunately, the company’s ride-sharing-inspired experiment isn’t working that way. I don’t have a MoviePass account, but I have several friends that do. According to a few of them over the past week, it doesn’t appear to matter which showtime or film they choose — pretty much all of them require a “peak pricing” surcharge.

And the practice itself doesn’t exactly make sense; when you pay extra for Uber during peak hours, you’re compensating the driver. The extra fees are to get more drivers on the road at times (like Drunk o’Clock) when no one wants to be driving. When you pay the “peak pricing” surcharge for MoviePass, you’re not compensating theater employees who are working at the busiest times (which can definitely suck). You’re giving MoviePass extra money for literally doing nothing.

In another ill-advised effort to make a few quick bucks, MoviePass began selling its own line of merch — you know, for the fans — featuring punny names so terrible your grandpa’s dentures would cringe.

Honestly, it’s astonishing that MoviePass is still functioning. It’s sort of like that one friend you have who is a total train wreck, but they somehow manage to never hit rock bottom no matter how much they screw up because there’s always someone to clean up their mess or drive their hungover ass to work or give them money for Jack in the Box tacos at 3 a.m. You know the one.

Per Variety, MoviePass’ parent company plans to fix the problem in a shareholder meeting on July 23, where they will “increase the number of the company’s authorized common stock from 500 million to 5 billion” — through, like, magic or something.