Thanks for getting out of wrestling as soon as the video quality got good, Stacy.

It’s not every day you get a PR e-mail about how much Stacy Keibler likes wiping her ass, but here we are.

Former pro wrestling personality/’Dancing With The Stars’ star/George Clooeny girlfriend Stacy Keibler launched the next step of her “look at how great my butt is”-centric career yesterday by helping open the ‘Charmin Restrooms’ at the Denver Broncos/Baltimore Ravens game in Denver, participating in an “Inaugural Flush and Ribbon Cutting.”

One of my greatest failings in life was missing this.

With the NFL football season fast approaching, fans around the country are eagerly anticipating that first crisp fall day at the stadium – complete with tailgate parties’ hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and barbecued ribs. Tailgating is a big part of fans’ football experience. But, despite the fun, tailgating also brings along an unhappy reality – the trip to the porta-potties!

So this year, for the first time ever, Charmin wants sports fans to “Enjoy The Go” with Charmin Tailgating Potties!

Charmin is providing 20 beautiful, clean and fresh-smelling portable restrooms that are anything but the much-dreaded porta-potties of tailgate parties from years past. We’ll be providing fans and families with a clean and upscale experience outfitted with attendants, snacks and branded bottled water at four NFL venues this year – kicking off with the season opener on September 5th in Denver.

Here’s a picture of her playing catch with a bear in the ‘Charmin End Zone,’ which is such a lovely play on words I think God himself must’ve written it.

(photo via Twitter)

I’d love to have been in the room when ad executives pitched this to her. “Okay, Stacy, we here at Charmin love keeping asses clean, and your ass is the ass we’d most like to keep clean. How would you feel about spending four hours outside of a toilet paper-themed trailer with a guy in a bear costume?” At that point I like to think Stacy opened up her day planner, saw “NO SUCCESSFUL SITCOMS” written across both pages in red ink, and said, “sure, as long as there are snacks.”

Fun fact: “Enjoy the go” was actually their second choice – there were originally going with “Re-visit the anal stage of your psychosexual development,” but decided against using Freud as a spokesperson.

Ain’t that video quality the truth. Any clip you find of Stacy Keibler in wrestling looks like it was recorded on a VHS tape in 1988 over somebody’s home videos and then left to collect dust and degrade till today.

I was happily pondering the intricacies of Stacy Keibler’s anal hygiene, when I noticed the toilet lid on the cornhole game. Now I’m pondering drunken rednecks taking a dump in it, and I’m no longer happy.

I have read this site for years, but never commented until now. It’s just too much.

“Enjoy the go”? This just confirms how worthless ad execs are, and how stupid they think we are. Off the top of my head, here are better football-related slogans:
– Losing streak!
– Stop the run
– Go long
– Quick out
– Go for 2!

That took 3 minutes, yet some Manhattan Yupster made six figures on Enjoy The Go.