Imagine the world's biggest dinner party were held at a venue where the upstairs bathroom sporadically floods, and you have Wilderness 2014 – a place where art, intellectualism and fantastic gastronomy share equal billing with music. Between reservations for Angela Hartnett's rustic Italian banquet (granted a standing ovation) and Polpo's glorious suckling pig (Mexican wave), you can debate the ridiculousness of monogamy, join the mass Charleston, or tramp into the woods for Phil in Space, a touching Royal Court one-hander about a mechanic building a suicidal space rocket. Vintage outfitters, champagne bars and deep south mojito dens abound; on Saturday, Cara Delevingne hosts a picnic for Mulberry. Those who find Glastonbury too middle class would spit blood orange caipirinhas here.

As an exclusive foodies' Poshstock heading overground, reaching 30,000 capacity this year, there are inevitable growing pains. Regulars bemoan the queues and reservation lists; without bottomless pockets and a ninja's art for pre-booking, you'll go hungry for high-end grub. An attempt to frack into Secret Garden Party's hedonistic undercurrent by inviting London celeb-haunt The Box to stage their mildly titillating cabaret of pants-out ribbon acrobatics and crossbow acts prompts a dangerous crush of internet-starved voyeurs. Site-wide, the downpours dilute goat's curd mousses to textures catastrophique. And the bands are essentially background music to the Moro v Polpo chatter. After a gently electro Friday headlined by Metronomy's Joe Mount perfecting his unlikely loverman schtick on a set resembling God's cocktail pick-up joint, the main stage is dominated by the faux-edgy soul of Sam Smith, Jessie Ware, Submotion Orchestra and the endlessly dreary London Grammar. If Portishead were available in proven-safe pill form, Wilderness would be awash.

Nonetheless, Josh Record and Mutual Benefit provide lush Sunday twinkles and Slow Club's tropical pop has the busking stage crowd inventing their own synchronised moves. But Burt Bacharach owns Wilderness, tossing out stone-cold classics on Saturday night at a rate of roughly one a minute – What's New Pussycat?, Walk on By, I Say a Little Prayer, a stunning Anyone Who Had a Heart – as if to show that he has more hits in a single medley than the rest of the weekend combined. The perfect dinner party digestif. Mint.