Message Boards

Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Ive been with this guy for about two years .I'm 24. He is always criticising me about being "lazy" in bed. Honestly i'm not that experienced and I'm highly stressed and Its hard for me to summon that inner porn star that he wants because I really don't find myself attactive AT ALL unless I'm fully dressed (that way I can hide the gut and every thing else) .I'm really self concienced and then its been times when I've tried to be the -i guess u would say- the "aggressor" (b/c he complained about always having to initiate) , he'll stop suddenly and say "I'm good" and go do something else or go to sleep with no explaination, which makes me feel even worse. So now I'm left thinking its something I did, so now I don't want to do anything cuz I dont want to mees up the mood when it arises. I know it has to be some things I do right ( I know of a couple) But I cant always do the same thing. And feeling as fat as I do I cant even focus on whats going on because I'm thinking about what he's seeing when he looks at me. He tells me I'm not fat, he's told me "If I didn't think u were sexy we wouldn't even be here right now" he's actually been mad at me and said I hurt his feelings when I told him I really don't beileve that he finds me attractive. He watches alot of porn, He's said in the past it was because of me and I believe when he cheated on me it was because of my inability to perform. however, get a couple drinks in me (not like falling down drunk) so I'm not thinking so hard (I still rememver everything I do) That porn star comes out, but sober, with all thoes thoughts in my head, even if I had a step by step instruction guide with 100% guraunteed results I'd still be too self consience to do it. Then he tells me i dont know how to have an orgasm which also adds to the stress and pressure.

I have a question for you: Isn't a relationship meant to make you feel good? If he is saying all those things making you unsure of yourself is it really worth it being with him? Or does he try to make you feel good about yourself and is he only a bit ackward when it comes to sex (with his remarks, and quiting in the middle of it.)

As for what you can do yourself to feel more secure? Well if you want to be dressed try on sexy lingerie, maybe a corset (hides your figure) Try doing something that makes you feel sexy, maybe like sexy dancing. Not in front of him just in front of a mirror and picture him looking at you wanting you. And only when you feel ready try it in front of him don't rush it.

Also MASTURBATE!!! You'll find out what you like how you can be the sexy fox you want to be and how he can pleasure you. Don't fake an orgasm because you feel pressured, it only makes things worse.

And last sex is fun treat it like that, make a game of it. If it isn't fun and you don't get a good feeling about it why would you do it, right?

And that you are inexperienced? Well that doesn't matter no one not even the biggest hottest pornstar starts off like a sexual master, practice makes perfect!

Important is that you don't think to much I now it is hard but if those bad thoughts run through your head try thinking about a safe place or a place where you feel happy, maybe that helps you to relax a bit.