How I Conquered My Fear Of Ending Up Alone

This woman was afraid of being single forever. This is how she conquered that fear. Photo: StocksySource:Whimn

A helpful reminder that is not lost if you are single and in your 30s.

When Iona Yeung’s boyfriend broke up with her and she found herself single in her 30s, she panicked.

She was scared she would never find someone with whom she could share her life, and her family seemed concerned about her future too.“I was newly single and 31,” she told us. “I felt really anxious. I remember waking at 4.30am because I was afraid of being alone.”

The Canadian, who lives in Sydney, decided to take control of her life by starting a blog for single women of her age, called 30 Ever After. She stopped putting pressure on herself, changed her attitude and then it happened: she met the love of her life on dating app Happn.

Now 34, she is engaged to marry Cristian Arratia, 35, in the picturesque town of Berry, NSW, in five weeks’ time — and they couldn’t be happier.

Iona still blogs about the lessons she learnt, and says women often find her writing because so many are searching on “single and dating after 30”, “breakups in your 30s”, and are just are worried as she once was.“It’s a message of hope,” she says. “Work on yourself first and you’ll change the calibre of men you meet.”

Cristian and Iona. Photo: SuppliedSource:Whimn

Iona says the game-changer was when she let go of her “sense of urgency” about meeting someone, and realised her neediness had been attracting a certain type.

“I learnt how to deal with my fears,” she said.

The marketing agent also dumped dating apps like Tinder and sites like OKCupid for Happn, which only entered the Australian market in 2015. “I think a lot of guys view Tinder as a hook-up app. People are on there for the wrong reasons, it’s really hit and miss,” she said. “(Happn) was a similar concept without the reputation, similar features without the sleaziness.”

Cristian’s profile said he was “looking for an adventure buddy” and that he wasn’t good at messaging so would probably suggest meeting for coffee. Iona even liked the fact her match, who works in publishing sales, didn’t look as though he had curated his photos too carefully, with one shot showing him underwater.

“It was just so honest, it was cute,” she says, adding that her mindset had also improved. “He’s the type to write letters. His profile was the perfect reflection of who he is.

“He had tried Tinder as well and I think he’d almost given up, there were a lot of people not looking at their profile pictures.”

The couple met in a Sydney bar, and they knew they had found what they were looking for. “On our fifth or sixth date, we decided we weren’t going to see anyone else,” Iona says. “We got engaged 12 months later.”

Iona's lessons on how to find love after 30

Lose the negative thoughts about men. Women will say, ‘I keep trying and they’re all duds, they’re crap’. That negative energy is fighting against the very thing you want.

You have to believe you’re going to find it or you’ll subconsciously sabotage every relationship. Put yourself out there.

Learn to deal with your fears and anxieties. If you show up with fear, guys will pick up on it. Get rid of those thoughts and people will relate to you better. If you’re not hoping he’s the one, there’s not so much pressure.

This story originally appeared on news.com.au and is republished here with permission.