Pages

Monday, February 24, 2014

Preposterous Statement Tourney VI Canterbury Card Casino Region

1. Kevin Gorg
said “You’re almost better off with a guy like Ponder because you’ve got Adrian
Peterson.” OVER the winner of the
say-in game.

Christian
Ponder’s historic ineptitude has been the theme of this whole tournament and
this regrettable quote by perennial contender and PST Hall of Famer Kevin Gorg
is no different.

9. Chris Cook
said “Jamarca Sanford and Harrison Smith are great guys, and I feel our
secondary could be one of the best in the league especially if we stay together
and build on our bond that we already have.” OVER 8. Richard Pitino said “I believe this is one of the best
basketball jobs in the country.”

It’s pretty
laughable that Richard would say that a school with no practice facility is one
of the best jobs in the nation, but you have to consider who cuts him a check
twice a month. On the other hand, Chris
Cook publicly saying anything other than “I plead not guilty, Your Honor” is
irreverent and irrelevant. In fact, the
first step towards having a good secondary is probably to cut him, which makes
this comment as close to 180 degrees from the truth as any in this tournament.

5. Mike
Wobschall compared Xavier Rhodes and Chris Cook to Darrelle Revis and Antonio
Cromartie OVER 12. Dick Bremer said
the Tigers 5th starter Rick Porcello “would be the front man in most
American League rotations.” Note: he had 6.28 ERA at the time and his career
ERA is 4.66.

Another
really even, rivalry matchup between two of the goliaths of the preposterous
statement game and two of the main themes of the tournament (and my life). It’s possible that I’ve just been beaten over
the head with too many outrageous quotes from Twins people related to the
pitching staff, but I just think that saying anyone in the Vikings secondary
not named Harrison Smith is remotely competent deserves at least a birth in the
round of 32. Side note: would a
tournament like this work better or worse in a city like Boston or San
Francisco where the teams in town are that much more competent on every level
than those in this area? Personally I think
it works way better here than it ever could anywhere else because it’s so easy
to have something ridiculous slip out when trying to talk positively in any
manner about any of the teams in this town.
They just all suck. That’s what
makes these fields so deep and makes for great tournaments. These are the preposterous statements that
were prodigies, born into greatness (of sorts) and blossoming into truly elite
quotes. As Texas is to football talent,
the Twin Cities is to preposterous statements.

4. Tom Cruise
“My work as an actor is as hard as fighting in Afghanistan.” OVER 13. Michael Russo said “a goalie
loses 5-10 pounds per game.”

If you think
that’s the case Tom, I know a few people that would probably be open to trading
careers.

11. Ben Leber
“The NFL, in regards to their due diligence, is rivaled only by the CIA and the
government.” OVER 6. Dave St. Peter
said, “There isn’t a group of people more committed to winning than the Pohlads.”

The NFL, the
same league that up until about 3 years ago was sending concussed-as-fuck
players back on to the field if they could state their own name. Yep, lots of due-diligence going on on the
player health front.

3. George
Stewart Vikings WR coach said, “It’s hard taking Jerome Simpson out of the
offense. It’s sort of like Michael
Jordan shooting 3’s and then deciding to bring in the backup guard.” OVER 14. Sid Hartman “Buy your Gopher
football season tickets now because if you don’t they’ll be sold out.”

Now anyone
who knows me knows I love Jerome Simpson.
Guy’s just a great character.
Doing flips for touchdowns, buying all the weed in the world, and acting
like he’s the only guy in the world to ever get a first down. Love it all.
But obviously no one needs me to explain to them why it’s preposterous
to compare Jerome to Michael Jordan.

7. PA said
that he can remember all of Adrian Peterson’s career runs and there are only 3
where he lowered the crown of his helmet. OVER
10. LEN III on Twins pitching coach Rick Anderson,”he has a great track record
of helping pitchers with their mechanics.”

This one got
a tough seeding in my opinion because it’s preposterous on multiple
levels. PA may have been hammered while
he said this as people are known to claim ridiculous amounts of knowledge when
they’re drunk. Adrian Peterson has probably
rushed the ball 1500-2000 times in his NFL career and yet PA is claiming he
remembers every single one of them. That’s
ABSURD. Do you know how many fucking HB
dives he’s run up Matt Birk’s ass for a gain of -1? More than anyone could ever remember. That’s like Barry Bonds saying he remembers
every at bat he’s ever had. It’s just
not possible. On top of that, saying
that AP has only lowered the crown of his helmet 3 (what a strangely precise
number) times is hilarious. All he does
is lower the boom on motherfuckers out there crown first. That’s his whole game. The more you think about this quote, the
better it gets. I think this has the
potential to make a long run in this tournament, but in reality will falter
early because it is so underrated.

2. Ben Leber
said waiting for training camp is like “waiting for death row.” OVER 15. Meat Sauce said he wouldn’t
want Justin Morneau to have his back in a fight because “he looks super
uncoordinated.”