D Luv Of My Life !!!

I lost my boyfriend tru sucide 18th months ago....I'm 23 year old single mother of a little girl... He was d luv of my life.. We have bn together on and off since I was 12 n den n d last year of his life we finally settles dwn move n wit each n I got pregnant... We had b fightin d nite b4 n I slept n d spare room d last ting I remember was he got n beside me n put his arms round me n z sry n I told him 2 **** off... He got up n dat n I fell asleep straight away... I found him d next mornin n datz wen my whole world fell apart... I've not bn rite since I had my chikd 3 wks after findin him....I've done d whole councellin ting n it didn't work 4 me... I've bn drinkin heavily also n I go mad wen I'm drunk cryin like mad nand in d last few wks wen I'm drunk I've bn takin it out on ppl dat I luv.... I feel like I'm stuck in a hole n can't get out of it... I have had sucideal tots but den iu tink of my child n dat stops me... My head is all over d place I dnt sleep at nite time r ntin... Derz a pain n my heart dat just wnt go.. I try bn positive n wen tings start lukin up 4 me n my child bam I get a kick n teeth...I just want him bk n it kills me inside none I can't have dat :(....