Christina Oxenberg was among the writers assigned tables in alphabetical order in a tent at the East Hampton Library’s Authors Night event in New York on Sunday, and she was seated next to Paltrow, who was signing copies of her latest cook book.

Oxenberg moved away for a break after Paltrow’s fans began queuing in front of her, but claims she was blocked from re-entering by the “Iron Man” star’s bodyguards – so she had to crawl underneath her table.

The writer was so annoyed, she began eating burgers right next to the clean-living star, who famously doesn’t eat red meat.

In a post on her blog, Oxenberg writes, “Due to the inflexibility of the alphabet I had the questionable good fortune to be seated directly beside Gwyneth Paltrow. … The divinity in question arrived with hubby, children and a couple of massive bodyguards. The worshippers blocked my view of the whole world, abusing my tiny territory upon which to abandon their trash or lean their sorry [bleep].

“So I abandoned my post and took that opportunity to roam the great tent and greet my fellow authors. Which is when I saw the food table, and suddenly I knew what needed doing. I made a plate of miniature sloppy hamburgers, stinky steak sandwiches, and the like and hauled it back to my piece of table.

“Gwyneth’s bodyguards blocked my re-entry despite my assurance I was a just an author and pointing at my name tag, ‘No!’ they growled, body blocking me. So I was forced to crawl under the table. And there I sat with my meat products, wafting the excellent smells toward my sleek vegan neighbor. She ignored the siren smells of protein. We never did say hello, although I did try to sell my book to her sleek vegan children. No bites.”