The IPCC’s Love Guru

You can’t make this stuff up.

Rajendra Pachauri was apparently too busy to check into glaciergate problems in December. We now know why. Instead of proofreading climate articles, Pachauri has been busy launching a softcore novel about the sexual adventures of a climate expert in his late 60s
( WUWT here, Telegraph here, Indian Times here. The Telegraph:

Return to Almora, published in Dr Pachauri’s native India earlier this month, tells the story of Sanjay Nath, an academic in his 60s reminiscing on his “spiritual journey” through India, Peru and the US.

On the way he encounters, among others, Shirley MacLaine, the actress, who appears as a character in the book. While relations between Sanjay and MacLaine remain platonic, he enjoys sex – a lot of sex – with a lot of women.

In breathless prose that risks making Dr Pachauri, who will be 70 this year, a laughing stock among the serious, high-minded scientists and world leaders with whom he mixes, he details sexual encounter after sexual encounter.

The book, which makes reference to the Kama Sutra, starts promisingly enough as it tells the story of a climate expert with a lament for the denuded mountain slopes of Nainital, in northern India, where deforestation by the timber mafia and politicians has “endangered the fragile ecosystem”.

The Telegraph continues:

But talk of “denuding” is a clue of what is to come.

By page 16, Sanjay is ready for his first liaison with May in a hotel room in Nainital. “She then led him into the bedroom,” writes Dr Pachauri.

“She removed her gown, slipped off her nightie and slid under the quilt on his bed… Sanjay put his arms around her and kissed her, first with quick caresses and then the kisses becoming longer and more passionate.

“May slipped his clothes off one by one, removing her lips from his for no more than a second or two.

“Afterwards she held him close. ‘Sandy, I’ve learned something for the first time today. You are absolutely superb after meditation. Why don’t we make love every time immediately after you have meditated?’.”

More follows, including Sanjay and friends queuing to have sexual encounters with Sajni, an impoverished but willing local: “Sanjay saw a shapely dark-skinned girl lying on Vinay’s bed. He was overcome by a lust that he had never known before … He removed his clothes and began to feel Sajni’s body, caressing her voluptuous breasts.”

Sadly for Sanjay, writes Dr Pachauri, “the excitement got the better of him, before he could even get started”.

While teaching meditation to women in the US, Sanjay can once more barely contain his ardour. Again, breasts – usually heaving or else voluptuous – are thrust to the fore.

“He enjoyed the sensation of gently pushing Susan’s shoulders back a few inches, an action that served to lift her breasts even higher,” writes Dr Pachauri. “He was excited by the sight of her heaving breasts, as she breathed in and out deeply.”

A friend of Susan is taken to a motel by Sanjay but only after he has fondled her breasts – “which he just could not let go of” – inadvertently sounding the car horn at the same time.

Other passages in the novel involve group sex and more risqué sexual practices.

The novel was launched amid much fanfare with Bollywood stars and wealthy industrialists in attendance, a reflection of Dr Pachauri’s esteemed status in the country.

In breaking news, Vivid Entertainment has bought the film rights to the IPCC Fourth Assessment Report. They plan to give new meaning to the terms Working Group 1, Working Group 2 and Working Group 3. They promise to give “peer review” an entirely new interpretation.

Update: Anthony posted up the following trailer connecting the Love Guru to the Toronto hockey team.

The Times headline calls him the world’s most powerful “climate scientist.” As has been pointed out ad infinitum, he is not a climate scientist. He is a railroad engineer. And, apparently, a raconteur.

yes it’s a handy job Dr Pachauri has a secretarial pool so close to hand. Blow me if you don’t need an “Outreach Officer” and “Outreach assistant” in such a hard job with such stiff demands on your time

We’re talking about people here who have proven their skills at making things up. Though I’d say writing cheap softcore is not at all that difficult. You just have to use a lot of adjectives, something that wouldn’t amuse the adjective-dislikers in this forum.
All in all, I’d have to say Mann’s rewriting of history is intellectually a more impressive piece of junk than Pachauri’s softcore trash.

Reminds me of a 70s porn flick, “Deep Sleep”, in which one of Patchy’s countrymen ran a sex clinic. My favorite line about 69, better known as “you go dis way, I go dat way”. Slow to start, but it guru on me….

This is so funny, just unbelievable!
I have been following you guys for a few months now and this one tops it all,
Pachauri the love guru! I have been laughing for 15 minutes now.
This whole climategate thing is getting funnier and funnier everyday, a gigantic science-fiction joke.
Next year literature Nobel prizes should definitively go to Pachauri for both its new book and the Ipcc report.

Perhaps this was Dr. Pachauri’s (putative) warm period. Is there no end to his talents?

However, he as some way to go before he reaches the dizzy heights of Updike in bad sex in fiction:

“Standing with her [Isabel] in the warming waterfall, soaping her skin so its yielding silk was overlaid with a white grease, and then letting her soap him [Tristão] in turn, he felt his cashew become a banana, and then a rippled yam, bursting with weight.” (Updike, Brazil)

Pachauri didn’t do the original research on bad sex fiction. When one looks at the addenda and commentaries on “Return to Wizard Mountain” I bet one will find Updike listed as part of the peer-reviewed literature. I was looking at some EPA/IPCC documents regarding coastal impacts and found a ref to “Port Noise Complaints”. I want to FOIA the correspondence… Were they discussing ‘cooling it down’ or ‘heating it up’?

Oh c’mon Mikael, don’t be such a Grinch- everyone needs a bit of light relief now and then- if you follow Steve’s blog you know he is nothing if not as sincere, objective and full of integrity as any man can be.
snip – policy

Sorry for being the Grinch :), and yes, fun is essential for a lot of things. But seriously, deriding the man’s work as IPCC chairman based on the fact that he has written a novel is just.. strange. I’m sure there are enough real issues that speak for or against him?

Cheers Mikael, I unreservedly retract my Grinch allegation. You are quite right of course, and I am sure that no-one here would dismiss the work of Dr. Pachauri on the basis of this novel alone. It is merely part of a pattern of behaviour and apparent gross errors of judgment and conflicts of interest that make it extraordinary. You are also quite right on your observations on human nature. Gladstone, I believe, was notorious for his, em, libido

I often stay in a very nice gated Asian neighborhood like Pachauri’s with national figures. Given the congestion and filth outside the neighborhood’s wall, the Toyota and driver (a few dollars per day) make sense for my wife and kids, reduces parking problems, driving risks, as well as wear and tear, too. Pachauri presumably should have his own car slot at work, no parking issues that require a driver to operate in “circle mode”. But I usually walk the mile.

The Asian drivers are often used for longer distance rendezvouses or retrievals for or after lunch, but most of the wealthy guys don’t try to write “My Secret Life” knock offs about it.

Perhaps this book sheds light on the slightly bizarre end to the recent interview in Science by our dear friend:

“R.K.P.: Well, it’s a long haul, it’s going to be a tough job, and I took it because it’s a tough job and I am doing it because it’s a tough job. And somebody has to do it. I have that responsibility: I will do it. And I am certainly not going to relent in these efforts, I can assure you.

The more powerful people in India – the likes of Mukesh Ambani, Prannoy Roy and Ratan Tata – who are apparently in Pachauri’s corner today will turn a blind eye to this. It’ll probably be like ‘art’ to them, if they read the whole book. The reviews are calling it a ‘spiritual potboiler’ after all.

The man on the street would certainly be displeased that this 70-year old man is writing about group sex all the while claiming that he did not have time to check facts that the glaciers are not melting.

India is not a country known for tolerating “romance” in the media. Indian movie stars have been arrested for kissing. Kama sutra or not, publishing a book that is practically autobiographical and is so frisky in India is to risk quite a lot. Just like attacking home-grown scientists with his “voodoo science” quote, which got him lots of bad press. risky business.

You mean Pachauri – the UN IPCC chief can write trashy smut novels in this ‘spare’ time and most certainly therefore, not have “enough time” to check on glacier claims a scientist in his own organization made, but that is alright.

Dr. Pachauri felt so alive, staring at her bodice. They are as enormous as the Himalayas, he thought. Too splendid to be hidden by a bra of white. Before his hot gaze, the glaciers seemed to melt away.

But there’s no time to write papers. And look how many comments you are getting! Maybe you should run pictures of icicles on orange trees like “Anthony”.

And don’t give me any crap about how I need to comment on the “substance” of this post rather than that you posted it.

This is trash.

Old proverb: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”

Cite: Wiki: “Its meaning is that without time off from work, a person becomes bored and boring.” First recorded thousands of years ago by the Egyptian sage Ptahhotep in 2400 B.C. The familiar modern saying appeared first in James Howell’s Proverbs in English, Italian, French and Spanish (1659)

I always thought IPCC had the terminology wrong on a few things.
Himalayan- Is really “He’s a layin”
Nobel Peace Prize- Is Noble “Piece” Prize
Hockey Stick- Is just a pill a day away ….Bawaaahaaaa
Hide the decline- Is really a commercial for “Viagra”
After Peer Review- The Consensus Is “Pachauri” really is not that good :~(
Pachauri’s Next Climate Book- “Let’s Get Hot and Bothered Together”

After that Book Comes
“Sixty Nine Ways to Melt a Himalayan Glacier”
“Viagra Does May Cause Mental Incapacitating Tendencies”
And finally the tell all book…….Drum Roll Please….
“Michael Mann is Hot” by Chu-Chu Pachauri

There are much worse things that a human being can do than write a silly smut book.
But its not a serious-minded, credible thing to do, if you happen to be the head of a global climate panel.

The United Nations did not entrust Hugh Hefner or Larry Flynt with the responsibility for orchestrating the scientific case for saving the World. Even if such gentlemen could have done just as fine a job as Dr. Pachauri, many nations and people would have found it questionable. This helps illustrate the public relations problem posed by Dr. Pachauri’s new book.

I believe the relatively younger people who post here are missing something that only an older gentleman, like yours truly, could observe about, Rajendra Pachauri’s (Randy) problem with recollection of the glacier disappearance (and of replies in recent interviews) and the details of his semi-auto biographical novel.

Randy’s situation is explained by going the peer-reviewed literature and looking at the differential effects of long and short term memory on aging humans. Yes, Randy (assuming he was not using a ghost writer like, for example, Tiger Woods) has sufficient long term memory to remember the details of activities, in which he may have engaged in years past, to describe them in detail in current time and at the same time have a problem remembering the details of his recent offerings to the media.

An alternative explanation relating these recently exposed features of Randy could be that Randy was distracted in imagination and perhaps in reality with the details disclosed in his novel and that is what caused his failures to remember the details of recent interviews – but I doubt it.

If you are Randy Pachuri and you feel inspired and compelled to write a bodice-ripper, why would you do this under your own name? Why would you show up for book publicity appearances?

There seems a strange and massive disconnect between the troubling serious claims of Gore, Hansen, and Randy, that the earth’s very fate hangs in the balance and my baby has a fever, versus bodice-ripping drivel.

The drivel is not appropriately supportive of the dire claims of the Alarmists. Randy’s authorial porn is not reflecting well on his cause (Alarmism), toffee-nosed employers (Yale University and the United Nations), or on members of the Drones Club (e.g. the Prince of Wales).

Dr. Randy Pachauri’s self-initiated, self-indulgent risque writings are help tip the subject of Global Warming into epic farce, on a global basis.

Porn-gate is only the latest fiasco. However, its importance owes to its accessibility to the general public. Its nothing about science, rather it helps illustrate flaws within the UN’s IPCC process.

And it cannot be blamed on “hackers” or non-peered reviewed work. Instead, porn-gate is the deliberate choice of Nobel peace prize co-winner Dr. Pachauri. The general public will understand, this chap is not a reliable guide.

Overall, Global Warming owes to unsound interpretation of data and the selective use of atmospheric “science” for political purposes. Porn-gate only helps as one clue to illustrate these much broader points.

I had always assumed the incidences related in Nature Forum correspondence were either greatly embellished or fictional. Recently, however, an event transpired that caused me to reconsider that assumption. While attending a symposium at the Copenhagen climate conference, I was introduced to an attractive female post-doctoral student….

Don’t be, your presence here vouches for that. Imagine how it feels to be a British academic after Climategate? Shiver. Especially when dear Kenneth Clarke chose East Anglia University as his source of optimism on the future of the young in the final episode “Heroic Materialism” at the end of his epic series “Civilisation”. I watched it again recently to check my facts, and yes, there is was, the brave new world of East Anglia University. I’m glad Kenneth is not around to share my embarrassment.

Note amongst the peculiarly long list of luminaries – given some of the content of the book – the following names:
R.S. Sharma (Chairman ONGC) i.e of the Oil and Natural Gas Corporation India
Sashi Mukundan (Country Head – India, BP Group of Companies) – the guy who footed the bill.

Who paid for the book launch in Mumbai?
HSBC.
Again you might wonder why a big bank is supporting Pachauri lit? Going through the following may help. HSBC is heavily invested in climate change.

Inside you’ll find scientific initiatives such as:
“Dendrometer bands. To monitor the effects of climatic variability on tree growth, dendrometer bands are attached to a subset of trees > 10 cm dbh, in each permanent sample plot…” – for the Western Ghat forests and others.

If you are wondering how a smut novel leads to a bank that nudges dendroclimatology along, you are on the right track. If you find this cited in the next Assessment Report, dont be surprised. Pachauri might be an AGW advocate and HSBC might be in the AGW business, but how does funding a smut novel launch fit even this tortured scheme? Shouldn’t it show up bad on HSBC internal audits?

Maybe we shouldn’t bother so much…

Here’s Pachauri doing HSBC a favor, at a previous date, with his trademark fear-mongering:

“Dr Pachauri cautioned that the world is moving towards a ‘climate vulnerable future’ and urged industry and business to ensure a ‘low carbon future’ without which all stakeholders will be in trouble.”

Who were present at the Bombay (excuse me while I eschew the term ‘Mumbai’) book launch?
Naina Lal Kidwai – CEO HSBC India, the main sponsor.
Indu Shahani – Educationist, Sheriff of Bombay and member of the audit and corporate governance committee of HSBC
Rahul Bose – Actor

I posted previously wondering how Rahul Bose got there. Not unlike Hollywood actors, there are many in mainstream and alternative Indian cinema who feel strongly about the environment. Rahul Bose is one, too. Apparently Pachauri ran into him at Copenhagen and got him to agree to turn up at the book launch.

[…] http://climateaudit.org/2010/01/30/return-to-almora/ In breaking news, Vivid Entertainment has bought the film rights to the IPCC Fourth Assessment Report. They plan to give new meaning to the terms Working Group 1, Working Group 2 and Working Group 3. They promise to give “peer review” an entirely new interpretation. […]

[…] having at least 20 business interests that would profit from climate change laws. That and he just published a soft porn “fiction” novel about an aging climate scientist who travels aroun… (we can’t make stuff up this funny). Greenpeace UK is calling for him to […]

[…] Needless to say, SEJ are very fond of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and its “Nobel Laureate” peddler of purple prose Chair, Rajendra K. Pachauri. And I can’t imagine how they might have missed it, but SEJ’s search engine turns up zilch on “Almora” (as in The IPCC’s Love Guru). […]