A new year, new dreams, new expectations

Three years ago, on this same day, I received my first proof from Createspace. The first novel I had finished writing, the first book that had my name on it.

It’s almost impossible to describe what I felt as I held the very first copy of my debut novel. I felt invincible. And for a while, I was.

It didn’t matter that I had given up on almost everything to write and publish the damn thing. I’m mostly a realist, but not when it comes to my dream of becoming a writer, one that I have nurtured for the past 10 years. So I took the plunge, armed with nothing but hope.

And I failed. Simple as that. I sold 2 e-books and 2 paperbacks in four months. From January to May 2011 I received a four star review on Amazon and a two star review on Goodreads. No reviews on blogs, no interviews, no real presence on social networks.

Nothing. Nada.

At the end of those four months, after I sent dozens of e-mails to book bloggers, other indie writers, and wrote hundreds of comments on discussion boards, forums, and online communities, I decided to “unpublish” my novel.

I was devastated. It didn’t matter that the novel I had written was, in fact, rubbish. It was not even a real novel. Or a real story. It was filled with the philosophical musings of a twenty something. But it didn’t matter. I gave up writing. I gave up everything.

Then the extraordinary happened. My father’s business went bankrupt, which meant that he could no longer support me.

And that meant that I had to do something, anything, to make ends meet. I worked at a waiter during that summer, then I spent the following autumn and winter starving, more or less.

Soon I began writing again. Mostly because there was nothing else for me to do. Alone, bitter, and poor, I had no other occupation but to write.

I like to believe that out of all that suffering and bitterness something beautiful emerged, even if it’s just a handful of paragraphs from Jazz, or something funny in The Writer. Or maybe something from my blog posts, something that helped someone when they needed help the most.

Who knows?

I started this blog in April 2012. I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to becoming a professional writer. Things are happening. Slowly, but surely… the more titles I have for sale, the better they all perform.

But I need your help to make ends meet. I need your help to keep on writing, to keep on blogging.

If you want to help me out, you can do so here, where you can also buy special perks which will get you more exposure to a bigger audience.

It’s weird what they say about failing… that you gain more from failing than you do from succeeding. I was watching Salinger on Netflix today… he was determined to be published in The New Yorker and wrote endless letters and sent endless stories in. They even were going to publish a story but then shelved it at the last minute. Anyway, good luck.

This story really made me think, as it really shows the lengths and amount of effort you have to go to in order to become a published writer. There’s a reason most published writers have grey hair, it’s because they’ve been trying for years! I’m glad you’re back at it though, I hope your books do well and I will check one out!

Hey Christian I can relate to your journey,
Keep on writing. You have immense talent, passion and hard work. You will look back on your work once you’ve “made it” (I hate that term) and be like “Damn” that was the best I ever wrote. That hunger is all you need. Look at things like all the things that held you back from discovering yourself have been cleared away and you now begin to find your voice. I’m sorry about your father and I sincerely hope he bounces back on his feet and like I said before do not give up!

If you do something with passion i think you have all the chances to do it good and when suffering comes than something beatifull is born. The post is like “don`t give up no matter what”, it is so nice.

Hi Cristina, I can totally related to your story of how you started to write, give up and bouncing back, and I have to say you really have the knacks to write for all of us!It happened so keep doing what you passion about.

…cheers Cristian…and thank’s for share your thoughts here…I’m just started as a new blogger and searching for some ideas and tips how to walk through this jungle…;-)))…your like was the light in the dark… thank’s for to show me the way…have a great creative 2014…sure I came back here…Liked and Followed!