I worked with a girl once who literally stopped traffic. Now people overuse the word literally. They literally use it all the time to describe things that literally didn’t happen. However, this actually did.

One day, in the trendy East End of London, as I walked across the road with this girl, traffic stopped for her. She didn’t even notice. I scuttled behind her, trotting in silly heels as she strode purposefully across a busy road as cars ground to a halt. She’d be hateable if it weren’t for the fact this friend of mine is a real girl’s girl. Both funny and clever too. She recently went off the market (AKA got hitched) so East End girls can breathe a sigh of relief whilst East End boys weep.

Anyway, the thing about this girl is that it’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s not that she isn’t a stunner (that sounded a bit red top, but she really is very beautiful), or that she’s not slim or stylish. Tick, tick, tick. The thing is looking that way usually takes a lot of organisation and time. But this girl was deeply disorganised on the grooming front. I sat next to her at work, I should know.

Under her desk were old tights, abandoned before changing for a night out. There was a gym towel streaked with fake tan. There were many pairs of scuffed, seen better days heels. There was a pair of hair straighteners and a well used brush. There was a make up bag covered in the remnants of eyeshadows past. And to top it all off, teetering next to the piles of files balanced precariously next to her keyboard, was a fruit bowl with little tiny fruit flies buzzing around it. Oh and a half eaten bowl of porridge, congealed. Yep, this gorgeous creature was a closet slattern. Makes you love her even more.

Which brings me to this recipe. It’s a slattern’s recipe. I didn’t have anything new to show you as I’ve been a bit busy what with The Book (that’s my book for those of you who have been away for the last 6 weeks and haven’t heard me bang on about it) and The Baby, who is now 9 weeks old. These cupcakes are something I made for the school fayre. They sold out pretty fast, I’m sure due to their white chocolate dribbleness. The other cakes I made did not sell out fast. It was very stressful watching them sit, lonely and ignored. I won’t be making anything other than these for the school fayre, ever again.

Lots more recipes like this in my book, Recipes from a Normal Mum, out now… on Amazon, with The Book People, at Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Waitrose (where it’s book of the month), The Book Depository and many smaller outlets.

Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4. Line a 12-hole muffin tin with paper cases. For the cupcakes, cream the butter/margarine in a bowl until light and fluffy. (Use the flat beater if using your stand mixer.) Add the castor sugar, flour, baking powder, milk, eggs and the zest of the lemon, then mix for about 4 minutes until well combined.

Spoon the mixture into the cases and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until risen and golden-brown and a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack. When the cakes are baking make the drizzle by heating 50g icing sugar with the juice of the lemon in a pan on a medium heat until the sugar crystals dissolve. Remove from the heat, poke lots of holes in the cupcakes with a skewer and carefully pour the lemon syrup over the cupcakes. (You can use a brush to add the drizzle if you prefer). Leave to cool completely.

In the meantime make the buttercream:

In a stand mixer, use the flat beater to cream the butter until soft and light – about 4 minutes. Then add the icing sugar spoon by spoon, mixing on a low speed until all incorporated, then add the vanilla extract. Beat on high for 7 minutes until the buttercream looks like mousse – flecked with air bubbles.

NB: This buttercream can be made using a handheld mixer or a wooden spoon, but it will take a LOT longer. I can’t tell you how long as it completely depends on how hard you beat the mixture and how much you move the mixer about. Look for a mixture similar in texture to mousse with flecks of air running through it. I find it very hard to achieve the same lightness without a stand mixer though – I would employ the strongest person in the house to have a go!

Pop the buttercream into a piping bag fitted with a Wilton 1M nozzle. Once you’re ready to pipe, add a teaspoon of blueberry jam to the centre of one cupcake, then pipe a Mr Whippy swirl around the outside of the cupcake, graduating into the centre to cover the jam. Finish the top of the icing off with 3 blueberries pressed into the peak. Repeat, one at a time until you’ve iced all the cupcakes. If piping is something you find hard take a look at THIS video for my top tips. (And can I just say that I am sure I don’t speak like this… really sure. Do I? Oh I hope not).

Lastly, melt the white chocolate (be very careful doing this as white chocolate burns easily. Either melt in short bursts in the microwave or over a bain marie) and place in a piping bag. Once the white chocolate has cooled to body temperature, snip a tiny corner of the piping bag off and drizzle the cupcakes in a zig zag fashion. This can be quite messy so either do it over newspaper or be prepared to lick, sorry, scrub the table clean.

I have a love hate relationship with all things twee. I am partial to a Cath Kidston peg bag and indeed, make up bag. But I don’t have the stomach for the full retro look complete with 1950s kitchen and lack of labour saving devices. I like my own time too much. I don’t hanker after a mangle that’s for sure.

I do rather like Bonne Maman jam jars washed out and filled with tea lights. Or even better washed out and filled with whipped cream, meringue kisses and fresh blueberries. Turns out they’re the almost perfect way to travel with blueberry mess. So if you’re planning a little picnic love this summer then consider the humble jam jar. Even kind to the environment what with this being a lovely way of recycling.

Just layer the mess up in clean jam jars (think about separating the meringue from the cream if travelling a long distance to lessen the soggy meringue issue) and then pop into the picnic hamper, not forgetting the spoons and napkins. A nice bottle of very well chilled cava cuts through a mess like a dream.

I am confused about the number 3. At university and in the world of advertising, anything with three components was a Good Thing. We used to talk a lot about how wonderful, strong and simple the (holy) trinity was. Now I am not so sure; you see every time I mention my thoughts on having baby number 3 I am almost always met with a very strong opinion about why no-one should have three children. And that’s from people who aren’t one of three. Don’t even get me started on those who are.

The usual issue is that one sibling is left out. Well I’m one of one and so I was always the whole team and yet the loner. I have little sympathy for this argument. Besides me and my two best pals spent our whole teenage years as a three. It worked fine. We were a striking trio, one blonde, one ginger and one brunette.

Another issue is the money. As in how nothing fits a family of 5. You need a special bus type car, package holidays don’t fit, family cinema tickets are for 4 etc. Well, we already have the car with 7 seats so that’s ticked off. And we’re creatures of habit and tend to holiday in the UK in cottages so that’s sorted too. The cinema? I only took the boys the other day for the first time and youngest son starting shouting ‘I’ve got wind’ an hour into the film and so we had to leave. (He did to be fair.)

Time, energy and hands are the last trinity of reasons. Not enough of any of them. I can’t argue with the hands one, but time… I can create time surely? And energy… That’s what coffee’s for.

These muffins are super quick to make. Perfect for if you have lots of kids and no time.

Comments, as always, welcomed. Especially wisdom regarding the number 3.

Preheat the oven to 200C/Gas 6 and check the rack is in the centre of the oven. Line a muffin tray with 12 cases. Mix the flour, sugar, baking powder and zest in a bowl and stir really well. In a measuring jug pour the milk, lime juice, eggs and melted butter. Mix this together with a fork and don’t worry if the butter starts to re-solidify into little bits. This will happen if your milk is icy cold from the fridge and still makes for lovely muffins.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ones and mix gently with a fork until everything just comes together – don’t treat like a cake mixture as this’ll make your muffins tough. Add the blueberries and chocolate chips and gently stir through. Fill your cases to the top and then bake for about 25 minutes until golden and the blueberries start to pop and leave their jam on the top of the muffins. Cool on a wire rack out of the tin and enjoy with a lot of kids.

Holly Bell

I’m a mum of 3 boys, a cookbook writer and also a finalist on the 2011 Great British Bake Off.
I’ve decided to record the recipes I use, partly to save them somewhere and partly in case someone else might like to use them...
[Read more]