In 2009 I met a girl, let’s call her Kelly. I didn’t know it then, but she would become the benchmark by which I would measure all women I would later be attracted to. I was instantly attracted to Kelly and was very pleased to discover that she, too, was bisexual. We both took part in a nude photo exhibition as part of a “My Body My Choice” campaign and ended up hanging out a lot during the process – plus when the photos were exhibited we got to see each other in various states of undress. We’d now seen each other naked and it wasn’t awkward, thankfully.

Kelly appeared to be as drawn to me as I was to her. There was just one problem: Kelly did not know what the fuck she wanted! Having gotten out of a 6-year relationship which imploded about a year earlier, Kelly had since been playing the field and not committing to anything. In 2009 I had not yet begun exploring polyamory, I wanted a committed exclusive relationship. I wanted Kelly to be my girlfriend. And Kelly wanted to fuck people. A lot. And so Kelly and I began fooling around, hanging out a lot, cuddling, making out, groping. We hadn’t had sex yet. One night we were out in a group of friends and Kelly had brought along this weasel of a man with a ponytail whom she apparently found attractive

DISCLAIMER: I later started sleeping with this weasel of a man, so I eventually understood the attraction. That doesn’t change the fact that he is a douche, and also, quite slimey. I just have a penchant for slimey, douche weasels.

But at this stage I found SlimeyMan to be quite unappealing. He was drooling all over Kelly, and she appeared to be very into it. She was also acting really into me though, groping both of us at this bar we had gone to, the rest of the group having disappeared realizing that something strange was going on with the three of us. At one point SlimeyMan went to the bathroom, and Kelly kissed me, then said “Taylor, I can’t make up my mind. I want you both. Could we all go to your place?” I have never been very good at saying, “No” to people I am really attracted to and desperately want to fuck, and I realized that if I wanted to fuck Kelly, it appeared that I was going to have to fuck SlimeyMan too, or at least let him be involved. I had had one threesome before, when I had just turned 18, and it had been awkward, and with a couple who had broken up. She had been into him, he was into me, and then she hated me. So, it was not a pleasant threesome. I did not know what to expect from this one, but I was afraid it would be just as awkward. Both SlimeyMan and I really wanted to fuck Kelly, and were relatively indifferent to one another.

So we went back to my place to fuck. I proceeded to drink more than I usually would, trying to give myself some courage and force myself to relax. I suggested we stay in my lounge and do it on the couch, as my room was in total chaos, and I had hidden all the random shit and hung up washing in there in case I had people over, and they wouldn’t think I was a crazy hoarder who never cleans up. Kelly wanted to fuck on my futon though, so she insisted on going into my room, and carrying my washing and any other random shit lying on the bed – which included dirty clothes, random books, shoes and other embarrassing shit which are a reminder of the mundane, everyday life as opposed to being even remotely related to fun or sexiness – into the lounge. Once she was satisfied my room was now suitable, she dragged us both into it. I can’t really remember much of this threesome to be honest, I had drunk far too much and it happened nearly 4 years ago now. I remember it not being as awkward as I thought it would be, I remember wanting to focus on Kelly, but trying to do stuff with SlimeyMan also to try and make the threesome work, and make her happy. That’s one of the things about my relationship and friendship with Kelly, I’ve always wanted to give her what she wanted. I remember kissing her breasts and playing with her clit while he fucked her. I remember him going down on me at one point, very roughly so I didn’t enjoy it. I remember making out with her a lot, and a little with him. I remember going down on her while he fucked me at one point. I also remember I didn’t come at all that night. Things were strained, and a bit awkward the next morning. They both kissed me goodbye, and I remember feeling relieved when I had my house to myself again. I was also elated at having been able to get so physically close to Kelly the night before.

It had certainly been an experience, but it wasn’t something I had enjoyed very much overall. Thankfully things did not become awkward between Kelly and I; in fact, shortly after the threesome, she told me she had real feelings for me, and that maybe after we got back from the 2 week vacation coming up we could try being in an actual relationship. I was ecstatic. The threesome compromise had paid off, and she had chosen me. She went to Place by the Sea for her holiday, and I went to Tiny Annoying Town to see my parents for a while. Kelly and I chatted a lot over text for the first week, but suddenly she got really quiet. At first I didn’t think anything was up, and didn’t really mind. But I did miss her a lot, and was looking forward to getting back to see her. And then on the Friday before term was to start again, I noticed the following on facebook: Kelly is now in a relationship with Some Random Man. I couldn’t believe it. I was hoping it was a joke, like how friends sometime pretend they are married or dating or whatever on facebook because they think it’s amusing.

It wasn’t a joke. As soon as I got back I asked Kelly if I could see her, and she said “Yes, that’ll be good, I’ve missed you and also, there is something I need to tell you.” I already knew, she had made it facebook public for fucksakes. She told me she was devastated to hurt me, but that over the holiday she had met “the man she was going to marry.” I think I was quite pathetic. I cried a lot, and we hugged a lot, and we lay on her bed together. I remember resting my head on her breast. She would always wear these soft knit jerseys, and she smelt like perfume and wool and skin. How she went from total commitment phobia to “I’m going to marry this man, even though I have only known him for 2 weeks, and we’re starting our relationship by making it long distance” I don’t know. But she wanted him, she had decided, and it was final. We agreed to stay friends, but we parted ways romantically at that stage. At the end of that year, she finished her degree and moved back home to Place by the Sea. I stayed on to do my post-grad. Although we stayed in contact, we wouldn’t see each other in person again until this year.

CREEPYCREEPYGUY aka OH GOD WHY?

Kelly did not marry Some Random Guy, they broke up after about a year and a half. The mean, jealous part of me felt somewhat vindicated by this, even though I was now in a relationship with Ron. I never met Some Random Guy, and she has never really told me too much about why they broke up, but I know that they fought a lot. Kelly’s taste in men has always sucked horribly (although I’m one to talk I guess), and she is currently engaged to be married to CreepyCreepyGuy (CCG for short). The wedding is to take place in December, God help us all. Why such an incredible creature has decided to become legally attached to CCG, one can only speculate, for there cannot be a logical answer. I had only seen photos of CCG before this year, and on meeting him, my original opinion of his unattractiveness was confirmed.

DISCLAIMER: My dislike for CCG is not subtle, I find him very unattractive and very unappealing. However, my dislike for him may have been intensified by my intense feelings for Kelly, and jealousy that he gets to share her life in a way that I don’t, as her primary partner. So feel free to read all of my encounters and descriptions of him through that lens. My descriptions of events are entirely honest, however. And he really is a douche.

To give you a bit of a timeline, having met up and slept with The Shy Boy from Chapter 1 on Thursday night, and spent the day with him Friday, I went to stay with Kelly and CCG on Saturday night. Kelly and I had, separately, both started exploring Polyamory this year, and so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to go and see her. I knew that I was still attracted to her, and still feel as though she never really gave our relationship a chance; but all of our text and facebook communication had been friendly, and not overtly flirty. Perhaps we were both too scared to broach the subject before the meeting. She lives with CCG in a small flat in a large complex about 30 minutes drive from my brother’s place. Thus she suggested that he drop me off. I would stay for supper and a movie, stay over, and then she and CCG would drive me back the next day.

Not sure what to expect; I tried to accentuate the stern but sexy librarian look again: wearing a grey and black knit dress (because I know how much Kelly loves knits), tight fitting with a loose polo neck (so no visible cleavage), and a belt as usual to give me the appearance of an hour glass figure. I wore my red hair up in a tight bun, some patterned leggings, black boots and bright red lipstick. I felt attractive, but not overtly sexual. I hadn’t brought any matching underwear with me on this trip – because I actually had no idea I would be getting naked in front of people as much as I did when I packed – and so turquoise panties and a purple wonderbra were going to have to do. Having learnt something from the Scott incident, I packed quite an extensive overnight bag, this time fully prepared for the weather to change. I was not going to have to trek through mud again in 3 quarter pants, that was for sure.

I was dropped off at the gate to Kelly’s apartment complex, and told my brother he could go. I texted Kelly that I had arrived. The wind was bitingly cold, making my eyes water and going straight through the knit of my dress to my skin. It made my nipples hard, and I hoped that Kelly and CCG wouldn’t notice. While I waited, a car drove out and the gate opened, and so I wondered in. I had no idea what number apartment Kelly was in, so I just loitered in the parking lot for a while. I knew that she lived with CCG, and had not yet met him at this stage, but I hoped that maybe he wouldn’t be there, or that he would be willing to give us some space so that we could catch up just the two of us. Sex wasn’t really even on my mind at this point, I just wanted some time alone with Kelly after all these years apart. I was suddenly aware of the huge overnight bag at my side, and I hoped Kelly wouldn’t think I was trying to move in permanently. And then I saw her. She’d walked down some stairs and stepped out into view, her hair pulled back into an easy ponytail. She was beaming at me. I beamed back and she shouted, “Hello you!” and pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes as the smell of her brought back memories; desires for her which had been long since filed away into a distant folder.

We immediately fell into an easy, comfortable space, as if we hadn’t been apart at all. As we made our way up the stairs to her flat, she asked me how I was, and I began to recount the Scott story to her, explaining to her how I was really sad that he had promised to text me, and hadn’t. We entered her small flat, and it was in chaos. Her kitchen and lounge were in one room, separated by a counter, and both were filled with clothes, washing, gaming consoles, and general paraphernalia. I didn’t mind much, as this tends to be how I live. She also has 2 small dogs and 2 cats. As I was about to lean down to pat the dogs, a man appeared out of a room to my left. I had seen pictures of him, and I could tell by his two-tone hair (half of his hair is dyed bright pink, and the other bright blue. I think he is going for like a punky look?) down to his shoulders that this was CCG. And he had no pants on. Seriously, he knew I was coming over, knew Kelly had gone to let me in, and he had no pants on. No freaking pants! Just underwear. This was actually a good introduction to his personality: a kind of forceful, I don’t care if I make you feel uncomfortable, you WILL pay attention to me attitude. He said, “Sorry! I was just on a conference call, and didn’t have a chance to get dressed.” Kelly laughed and said, “Taylor this is CCG, CCG this is Taylor.” “Hi.” I said.

“Hi” he said, smiling, and then disappearing into their bedroom.

Kelly led me to their couch which has been set up in front of a large television, hooked up to a computer. We chatted some more about Scott, as I was bombarded by her dogs, and I began to tell her about what sleeping with Scott had been like. This might seem odd, but Kelly and I have always been extremely open with each other when it comes to talking about our personal lives. Besides, I’m always accused of oversharing. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to see it that way. Kelly was in the middle of telling me she didn’t think I would be hearing from Scott again, based on his behavior, and that I should try to forget about him, when CCG walked into the room and literally interrupted her in the middle of her sentence. He did this a lot while I was there. In fact you could play a drinking game: Take a shot every time CCG interrupts someone midsentence, take a double when it is his own fiancé. You would be catatonic and in need of a liver transplant within about 2 hours. As he came into the room I realized that their bedroom door had been open and he had been listening to every word I had said. He plonked himself down on a stool in front of us and said, “I want to hear more of the story.” I responded, “Well that’s pretty much the whole thing. Something I was hoping would be more seems to have turned into a one-night stand.” He responded, “Well, he is an idiot. You know if you lose those clothes later maybe Kelly and I could help you forget all about him.”

I nearly fell off the couch. Here I was, his fiance’s sort of ex-girlfriend, whom he had JUST met 6 minutes ago, and he had already proposed a threesome. I remember thinking “Holy shit I am going to be stuck with him, because I have to stay here tonight.” Kelly laughed and said, “Baby, that has to be the fastest you’ve ever propositioned someone. Taylor, you’ve inspired a new record.” Not knowing what else to do I laughed and said, “Yeah, what was that, like a whole 6 minutes?” CCG said, “Well, we’ve been having some good success with threesomes lately. In fact just last weekend we were fucking another girl right where you are sitting” he said, gesturing at me. He turned to Kelly, saying, “And, what’s wrong with that? I mean she came in here talking about sex.”

Okay fine, yes I did. But to KELLY. Someone I have known for 4 years. Someone I have been intimate with, and have a friendship with. And even if I did start talking about sex immediately to a total stranger, does that automatically mean I am easy, that I will be happy to be immediately propositioned by and fuck that stranger? Apparently in CCG’s world, yes. Yes, it does.

Not yet sure how I felt about sitting right where they had apparently been fucking someone – although I am sure we all do this every day, having no idea – I said, “Yes, I did come in talking about sex because I was trying to ask Kelly for advice.” He ignored that comment and said, “Hang on, babe, is this THE Taylor?” He turned to me without waiting for a response from Kelly, “Are you THAT Taylor?” Having no fucking idea what he was referring to, I just raised my eyebrows while Kelly said, “Yes, she is that Taylor.”

“Awesome!” CCG said. ”I get to meet the woman you had your first threesome with! And wow, I can see why.” Kelly laughed at this, apparently used to CCG being horribly embarrassing. Well, she must be, if she is going to marry him. I laughed awkwardly, suppressing my urge to bolt out of the room as I really wanted to spend time with Kelly. I said, “Yeah I guess I’m that Taylor.” He raised his hand to me, expecting a high five, while saying, “So I guess I have you to thank for the fact that my wife-to-be is so kinky.” Not knowing what else to do, I gave him a lackluster high five. I became conspicuously aware that he was staring at my breasts. If he could have been drooling, he would have been. It wasn’t subtle either, he didn’t care that I knew he was staring at them. He was literally leaning forward on his stool, eyes locked on my chest. I found some great renditions of what CCG looks like in my head:

(Those artists are all awesome, go check out their pages.)

Now I am forward, and I overshare a lot, but Holy Hell I had never experienced someone this blatant and forward before in my life. Desperate to fill the awkward, breast staring silence, I said, “Wow I haven’t thought about that threesome in a long time. You know I was only sleeping with SlimeyMan because I wanted to sleep with you?”

Kelly smiled at this, and said “I know, and I love you for it. Looking back I had a much better time with you, I should have just chosen to go home with you. But it certainly was an experience.”

I smiled back at her, saying, “Yes it was.” I was elated that she had said that she loved me for it. Present tense, not past. She reached out and touched my shoulder, saying, “I was so happy to hear that you guys might be moving here next year. And also that you and Ron are polyamorous now. I feel like, we never really got to explore, you and I. We never really got the chance to fully experience our relationship.” I bit back a response that, yes, that was because she had chosen someone else over me. “And if you move here, maybe that’s something we could try and explore again.” As she said those words, I realized I had desperately been hoping for this, desperately hoping she would still want me. That it wasn’t just me who had been asking, “What if?” all these years. I grinned at her, placing my hand over hers, and said, “I’d like that.”

At this point CCG piped up, saying, “Hey Kelly did you ever tell her about our first date? You should tell her that story!” Oh for fucksake, I forgot he was still here!

To be Continued…

In Chapter 2 Part 2: TRYING TO TAKE THE PLUNGE and THE (ALMOST) SEX.

In Chapter 2, Part 3: THE MORNING AFTER and AFTERMATH aka NEEDING TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS AND BE MORE ASSERTIVE.

I have always been told that I “overshare” because I have always been so honest and open about my life, including my emotions, and most horrifyingly – it seems to many – my sexual experiences. Growing tired of others attempting to force me to filter myself, I turn to you, internet, and I intend to tell you every last detail.

Growing up I always felt that I had more of a stereotypical male attitude towards sex: females are constantly pressed to hide their sexualities, but for men it is generally considered okay to talk about and flaunt theirs. Not in all cases, but definitely in many. Many females deny watching porn, being turned on by it, or masturbating. I do all those, A LOT, and have from a very young age. I discovered I was turned on visually when I discovered my highly conservative father’s (LOL) porn collection when I was in primary school, it was around age 10. I have no idea if watching hardcore porn at this age repeatedly and for many years had anything to do with the fact that I seem to have such a high sex drive for a female, and am very sexually focussed (but because so few females admit to this, I may not be such an anomaly). I used to sit in the playground next door to our house and masturbate in public, excited and horrified by the idea of getting caught. Having been brought up in a highly Christian household, at first I thought that masturbating was wrong and felt a lot of guilt over it. But as I grew older, and began to discover my own ideas about spirituality (a kind of unsure agnosticism), this guilt thankfully subsided.

Today, I am openly bisexual and polyamorous – I will write detailed posts at a later stage about the history of both these lifestyles for me – and consider myself a sexually liberated woman.

Growl,

Lady Taylor

UPDATE: Follow me on twitter @LadyTaylorLynx

Also, if you have any questions, requests, etc etc, you can contact me on LadyTaylorLynx@gmail.com