For a seaside B&B with a difference, rent your own private yacht

Have breakfast on the deck of your own yacht if the weather's fine. Photograph: PR

Ahoy there! Welcome onboard! Like the new boat? It's a sloop, actually – not that that probably means much to you, not being one of us yachties. But anyway, sit yourself down on the poop deck, let me make you a sundowner and then I'll let you into a little secret about how I came to be here, captain of my very own yacht. Did I mention it's worth £250,000?

Well, the funny thing is I don't actually know the first thing about sailing, other than what I picked up from Howards' Way all those years ago. Luckily, it turns out not much has changed since then – the yachting world seems to exist in a bubble, a clique so tight it's impervious to changing fashions and the passing of time. Yachties (male and female) wear fleeces and pink rugby shirts – collars up – of a kind not worn in the world beyond the marina gates since 1989. They have their own language, system of qualifications (starting at "competent crew" rising to "yachtmaster" and so on), laws ("sail over steam there!"), units of distance and speed. All of these are specifically designed to keep out the plebs.

Normally, penetrating this clique would take a lifetime of public schooling, but now there's a short cut – a company called Stays Afloat, which lets you hire a yacht for the weekend. Of course, you've always been able to rent yachts, but usually only for longer periods, and even then, only if you have thousands of pounds to throw around. With Stays Afloat, and a handful of similar companies setting up around the world, you can rent a yacht for the weekend for as little as £28 per person per night – the same as you'd pay for a grubby B&B on shore.

There is a catch – you're not actually allowed to sail the boat anywhere. Staging your own Duran Duran video is therefore out, but for incompetent crew like me, the attraction of sailing has always been more about the sunbathing and the G&Ts on deck, than all that tedious trimming of sails and ready-abouting.

I arrive in Dartmouth in Devon late on Friday night, rendez-vous with various relatives, and walk down the ramp from the shore, then along the pontoons, with the polished white hulls of yachts and luxury powerboats bobbing gently on either side. Almost all are empty – which is why Stays Afloat is such a good idea: yacht owners can make some return on their expensive toys rather than have them sit idle. Julie Smith, who also runs a sail training school and B&B in Dartmouth, launched the company earlier this year and says it has been inundated with inquiries from boat owners, probably helped by the recession. It also has boats in Brixham and Torquay, and, from December, the Caribbean.

I pass a 42ft Sealine powerboat called Lovejoy (see what I mean about yachties being stuck in the 80s?) and a sailing yacht called Syd's Girl – both available from Stays Afloat – before coming to my own vessel, a 46ft Beneteau. Called Knightime (bought perhaps to celebrate an ennoblement… by a chess fanatic … or a Hasselhoff nut?) the boat is only a year old, and is positively gleaming. Inside, every surface is covered in high-gloss cherry veneer or white leather. There are three bedrooms, two bathrooms with showers, and a large open-plan kitchen and living room with satellite TV, hi-fi, proper gas cooker, microwave, fridge and so on.

All the boats have heaters, and are rented out year-round. In some ways it's like being in a very posh caravan, but there's something satisfying about how everything is so perfectly designed – the tables that fold away, the numerous tiny cupboards, the crockery with the boat maker's logo. All is perfectly shipshape.

And then I start to feel seasick. As Julie tells me how to operate the loos, the gas, the TV – and points out the many buttons and dials that I promise not to touch – I begin to sway. Though the water outside is glassy smooth, I go to bed feeling woozy and wondering if I've discovered the flaw in the whole concept.

Next morning, I open the hatch, climb up the steps into the cockpit and find it bathed in sunshine. Better still, I've found my sea legs (well marina legs at least). The boats come with generous breakfast supplies, so I tuck into bacon and eggs as the seagulls fly overhead, the waves lap against the hull and the halyards chink on the masts. Being on the water gives you the best possible views – from the marina I look across to Dartmouth's old town centre, with the grand Britannia Royal Naval College on the hill above. You feel very much in the heart of the town, but also slightly removed from it, insulated from the traffic, the sticks of rock, those ghastly daytrippers.

Nearby there are beaches, walks and historic houses aplenty, but if you want to stay on the water, Julie will deliver a tiny motorboat, which you are allowed to skipper yourself without so much as a moped licence. We spend a happy afternoon pottering up the River Dart, past the wooded creeks and thatched cottages to the Ferry Boat Inn in Dittisham. We tie up the boat and drink Cornish ale while listening to a band, before returning to Knightime, to sit out the day on deck, reading the paper and raising a glass to fellow members of the yacht-owning elite as they pass by.

Is the whole thing a gimmick? Of course: for the same price you could rent a cottage with more headroom, more privacy, a garden. But all the best holidays let you pretend to be someone else, and if you've already rented a vintage campervan and played hippie, it's time to join the sailing club, if only for the weekend.

• Staysafloat (01803 833810; staysafloat.com) offers three-night breaks on yachts sleeping six in Devon from £500. Small self-drive boats cost from £25 an hour. First Great Western (08457 000 125; firstgreatwestern.co.uk) runs trains to Paignton, eight miles from the marina (returns from Paddington from £34.75). For more on Devon see visitdevon.co.uk.

More dream boats to call your own

French Riviera

Live the millionaire lifestyle by staying on a yacht in some of the most glamorous resorts in the Med. Choose from around 20 yachts moored in marinas in Cannes, the Gulf of St Tropez and Antibes, sleeping from two to eight people. Boats are entirely yours during your stay, but, as above, you're not allowed to leave the dock.

Book it: 00 33 4 9456 1659; houseboat-info.com. Price: from €400 a week for a yacht sleeping up to four

Golden Slipper, Boston

An elegant 40ft yacht, the Golden Slipper is moored at Lewis Wharf, in the heart of Boston's historic quarter. The boat sleeps up to six, with two private staterooms and a sofa bed in the lounge, but is always booked on an exclusive basis. A continental breakfast is left on deck each morning and evening meals can be arranged.

Moored in the glitzy marina, Llamedos is a 31ft motor cruiser sleeping up to four in one double and two single berths. It's equipped with all mod cons, including small flat-screen TV, wireless internet and a fully fitted kitchen. The fridge comes stocked with breakfast goodies, and there is a cupboard full of games and fishing equipment to keep all ages amused.

Moored in Barcelona at Port Vell marina, just a short walk from Las Ramblas, Willowmoon is an elegant yacht offering bed and breakfast accommodation. There is just one ensuite cabin, with a double berth and a large single berth, and guests have exclusive use of the deck at all times. The owner, Steve, lives aboard in a separate section of the boat and is on hand to provide breakfast, drinks and local information.