Jody Holland Blog

Over the last 50 years, we have changed the mediums and modes of communication significantly. However, we have not changed the fundamentals of communicating with others. We still have the sender, receiver, message, and medium. We still have the encoding and decoding of messages. Even in the midst of our technological advancements, we have non-verbal communication playing a significant role. The fundamentals of needing to get our messages across clearly remains in tact and just as critical today, if not more so, than it has ever been.

Whether you are a leader, a follower, or both, your ability to effectively send and receive messages is and always will be the cornerstone of your ability to succeed at work. How often have you given instructions to someone only to discover that they did something completely different than what you requested? Often times, supervisors and leaders are doing “drive-by” communication. They are sending out instructions very quickly but not giving people the chance to ask any clarifying questions.

Whenever you send a message, ask for feedback from the other person or persons. Ask them to describe back to you what they understand from your message. By doing this, you are creating a communication loop that clarifies the messages that you have sent. 93% of the message meaning is derived from either explicit or implicit interpretation of the non-verbal coding in the message. Every experience the you have had in your life and the subsequent labels that you have given to those experiences creates a non-verbal cue that you will use in your communication. Keep in mind that everyone else that you interact with has their own labeled reality that they are using to decode your messages. This leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding.

By mastering the art and science of communication, particularly the skill of listening in communication, you position yourself for success. This law is fundamental to the success of both you and your team!

My year has kicked off and I am flying again today. I am headed out of the Austin Bergstrom International Airport and made it through security a little before 5 AM. As I was passing through the body scanner to ensure that none of my medal parts were threatening, like the 7 month old who got pulled aside right in front of me and had its hands swabbed for bomb materials (seriously), there was a rather intimidating and unhappy gentleman standing on the other side of the machine. He had a mat with the footprints on it directly in front of him and was directing people to stand on the mat to wait to see if we passed the test to fly. If you stood on the mat, you would be about 3.5 inches from his nose with your own nose. I stepped on the mat and opened my facial expression and smiled a slightly crooked smile. He then leaned to his right and looked at the screen to see if I was a threat. He leaned back into my personal space and said, "Have a nice day," with the enthusiasm and happiness of a an angry animal, upset to lose its prey.

His tactic of forcing passengers to step inside of that bubble, outside of their comfort zone, and submit to having their personal space seriously invaded was no-doubt an intimidation tactic. I watched the next 5 travelers go through the same routine until my bag and jacket made it through the magic inspector belt. One young man (probably 25 years old) looked at him and asked, "You seriously want me that close to you?" The TSA agent pointed to the mat emphatically and non-verbally insisted that the young man submit to the discomfort. This agent was taking a situation where people are already a bit nervous and doing his very best to make it worse.

When people don't feel that their persona space is respected, that don't generally get nicer, they get more tense. When they are subjected to intimidation tactics, they begin to lose respect for the intimidator. In business, as well as in personal relationships, a person's negative power only exists as long as the other person is afraid of them. It isn't respect, it is fear. The bad thing about using negative communication is that it consistently leads to people, who would otherwise be very nice, looking for any passive aggressive way to regain some dignity that they can find.

My tip to you is to respect people's personal space in communicating with them. As a general rule, an entire arm's length is required in front of you and out to a 45 degree angle. To your side, the length of your arm from your shoulder to your elbow is customary. There is no real advantage to using intimidation tactics in communication, particularly when people are under stress. In the end, it accelerates negative behaviors on the part of the person being intimidated and diminishes their respect for the intimidator. Respect people's space. Watch their reactions and adjust accordingly.

Jody Holland

Jody is a writer, motivational speaker, consultant, and entrepreneur. He has been the keynote speaker at over 250 events around the world. Jody speaks more than 150 times per year at different programs, and he has given more than 10,000 speeches during his career.

Jody has written 16 books and has many more to come.

If you are interested in booking Jody for your conference or event, click the Contact Jody Holland button to contact him.