The things you learn about pornography in other countries when you’re forced to read the news. According to the National Post, three Canadian adult film networks are in a little bit of trouble for failing to meet the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission’s strict requirements regarding homegrown content. Specifically, porn networks must feature at least 35% Canadian-made erotica in their daily programming, which amounts to 8.5 hours out of a 24-hour day. And you know that someone, somewhere in Canada, is sitting there watching each network and counting every second.

The specific culprits are AOV Adult Movie Channel, XXX Action Clips and Maleflixxx, which, as Hank Hooper would put it, is a fellas that like fellas network, and they’re all owned by Channel Zero. The issue was addressed as Channel Zero attempted to renew each network’s licenses, and the Mounties or whoever said, “Wait just a minute there, if you don’t mind, please, you hosers.”

In previous filings to the CRTC, however, the company has claimed its deficit of Canadian erotica was simply a clerical error.

In a 2012 note to regulators, Jennifer Chen, a Channel Zero vice-president, wrote, “The non-compliance is a result of an error, on our part.”

Admittedly, Channel Zero had only been missing the CanCon threshold by minutes of erotica a day.

“The programming strategy has been adjusted accordingly in light of this information,” wrote Ms. Chen. (Via the National Post)

Interestingly, Quebec has actually become one of the biggest players in the adult film game, behind Amsterdam and Los Angeles, and it might even benefit from the fact that L.A.’s condom laws have companies and producers high-tailing it to Las Vegas and beyond. Still, the most remarkable thing about this story is that while prudish organizations in the U.S. are trying to end porn forever and make sure that nobody is exposed to such lewd behavior and alleged filth, the CRTC’s biggest problem with it all is that not enough of it was made in house. God bless you, Canada, from your delicious syrup to your pornographic patriotism.

As a Canadian representative, these porno channels are obscure throwbacks designed to cater to the tiny rural population of technological Luddites without access to high-speed internet. This “story” a little piece of homespun internet wife-tellery.