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Hello everyone! This is an adventure into a community I have never been involved with but I'm very interested. I do have a personal question though...

Short version: It occurs to my that the first words of this post were going to be "I am not trans".. but who am I to say that? Am I trans? Basically I want sex to go away. Is "no gender" technically a gender identity? What would you call me?

Long version: I am not trans (see above!). Basically I am a straight cis male (previously unquestioned like my height or the colour of my skin) and have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. She is so beautiful and clever and kind and I love her so much I want to be with her forever... the thing is... we're only 34 and she doesn't want sex anymore. Worse though - she says she does, and I wait and wait, and then I am told to 'be patient' or 'give it until tomorrow' or some such which of course just means 'go away until the next time I reject you'. I have spoken to her about it and she does not recognise a problem. She does not want counciling. I asked if it would be a great problem for her if we gave up that part of our relationship but stayed together in all other ways. She said no problem. So here we are! Is it legitimate to 'transition' to 'non-sexuality' to become celibate by choice and avoid a life of temptation I can never fulfil? I intend to devote my life to my wonderful girl and her studies and (even with balls intact) could never go with other girls who throw themselves at me etc... In fact I really don't want to risk that situation... If I didn't have sex for a year and a 22-year-old horny beach babe (please excuse my stereotype but they do exist) starts grinding me on an Ibiza holiday... I'm not gonna be able to take that! I'd have an accident! BTW yes I know plenty of people would kill for that but I'm used to it. I'm tall and I guess I'm some peoples' type and I guess I look like I have some money or something.`Practicalities:

1) Am I going to be able to tell the truth and get this done? Or will I have to say I'm trans?2) Has anyone else done this?3) For those who have had the procedure for different reasons... how was it? Do you instantly lose male sex drive? Is your penis completely inactive? Unwanted side effects? Etc.

Some trans* people transition and have surgery (vaginoplasty. 'sex-change') and may never have sex or a partner ever again. Not because they do not want to but because they are happy to be who they are and independent, plus they know men too well! And for some it is a turn off. For others they have a high sex drive and are women (or men) and carry on like any other woman. Trans* men do have heightened libido due to testosterone, almost all I have known state this as a fact. And I believe them, as many trans* women have testosterone gel to increase their libido.

Orchidectomy, should not be something your do for anyone else but yourself. It will sterilise you, It will likely drop your libido considerably, and may well shrink your genitals over time. You may well lose the desire to have sex altogether! This idea (castration) is often seen as a fetish/fantasy, a exciting concept, often provided as a fantasy by professional sex workers, who 'pretend' to castrate, and then later all goes back to 'normal'. For others they are not transgender, but rather Body Modifiers who 'self-mutilate', Maybe google that term and look into that scene. As although some are no doubt trans*, many are not.

My advice would be to be very careful here and explore all the other options for some time before deciding on such a serious life-changing outcome. Many surgeons, will not carry out this procedure without a mental health referral first (usually from a psychiatrist working in a UK gender clinic). Although the BM scene can and do this in some case in a rather ad hoc fashion akin to a farmyard! Thus you could become infected and acquire septicemia!

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." M.Mead

Man [...] must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth." - J.P.Sartre.