Despite what you think or are led to believe, you can not turn a ho into a housewife! It does not matter how good the sex is — tricks, dips, locations or positions have nothing to do with anything outside of the common interest. To that ho you are nothing but another trophy on the mantle piece. Even if your sex is outrageously out of this world, for the most part the only thing you will have in common with your bedded counterpart is the f*ck. You may share a cuddle after that first, second or third climax, but once it’s over they will have forgotten your name until they’ve seen your number flash across their cell phone screen for another uninhibited romp.

A lot of people in our society confuse a good lay with emotions. They think that just because someone is riding the bull like a rodeo champ that their heart is also into it. Here’s a newsflash for all the delusional people in the world: Hoes don’t f*ck with their hearts. A ho will screw anything that walks; anything that makes them feel good between the legs. And one ho has many FWBs (friends with benefits). You are not as special as you are led to believe unless and except it’s between the sheets.

A good ho will make you feel like you are the icing on the cake. You will feel as appreciated as a donut with no calories. However, if you think you are that special case, then the only thing special about you is your stupidity. A ho is a ho for a reason. Just like he/she licked up and down your thighs, they’ve done it to the person before you and will most likely do it to the person after you. Getting your feelings involved with someone based on the sexual experience is moronic, imbecilic, dumb, premature, desperate and ill-advised. It screams, “Something is wrong with me and I’m single for a gotdamn reason!”

Even if you are able to convince a ho that they should settle down with you and turn their promiscuous ways around, it won’t be long before they seek a romantic tryst with someone other than you [or a couple of someones in addition to you]. It’s in their nature. It’s in their mind. It’s like a calling from their loins; an uncontrollable urge to mate over and over without any attachments; with no strings; no repercussions.

The only purpose you will serve to that ho is to boink like wild rabbits, unless you have deep pockets. Then they will be smart and manipulative enough to make you believe their world is centered around you and the platinum plastic stashed away in your wallet. In that case what you have on your hands is an on-call prostitute. You may have a good lay every Friday or Saturday night, but come Sunday morning you’re going to be repenting for your sins. And what good is repenting if you’re going to keep making the same sinful mistakes?

If you’re planning on making a housewife out of ho, then you need to do the following things:

Draft a prenuptial agreement.

Keep a spare set of divorce papers handy.

Don’t open any joint accounts.

Don’t introduce them to any of your friends.

Don’t take then home to meet your mother. Momma always knows!

Don’t be surprised when the conversation of an open relationship or ‘swinging’ comes up.

Have the bitch tested regularly.

Though I make it common practice to advise that 90% of any effort is getting started, turning a ho into a housewife should be considered a wasted effort. That is unless you’re a pimp. And if you want my opinion, that’d be just as stupid as a desperate man confusing a f*ck with feelings.

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Quote of the week: “You can wait for the right one to come along, but until then, you might as well enjoy a good time with all the wrong ones.”