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It's Not Me, It's You: 8 TV Characters Who Need to Exit Stage Left

Announcement to all annoying TV characters: Every time you appear, you make me react the way I do when I'm at the grocery store and overhear someone saying that she doesn't have an opinion about Ryan Goslingdating Eva Mendes:

The point is that I can't handle hearing such nonsense and, unfortunately, not only does the mere sound of certain TV characters' voices fall under the category of "nonsense," it also causes my stomach to do back flips like it's a Russian teenager trying out for the national gymnastics team. OK, I understand that's a "way harsh, Tai," thing to say, but I know I can't be alone in this feeling. We've all been there. We settle in to watch a show and then bam! Our sense of euphoria is shattered because an otherwise enjoyable show is ruined because one character has managed to stick around even though they should be given the pink slip a long time ago. So without further ado, let's take a look at the eight TV characters who need to be ctrl + alt + del:

Yes, I understand that without him, there wouldn't be a show, but it's obvs that he's the worst part of HIMYM. First, it has taken him nine seasons thus far to tell the story of how he met his chillrens' mother, and we still don't who the baby mama is. Ugh. News flash: This is not the movie Inception; it does not need to be this long, complicated, or specific. I mean, who, when telling their kids the story about how he ended up with their mother, goes into detail about every single woman he dated and/or had sex with? If my dad tried doing that with me, I would've responded the way I do when a co-worker brings in yummy looking snacks and I want to take one, but then I have a Vietnam flashback to the time I caught her exiting the restroom without washing her hands and I can't silence my germophobic thoughts as my hand shakes over the plate of Rice Krispie Treats:

But it's just not Ted's poor story-telling skills that turns me off. The storyline about his architecture career is flat out boring, his sarcasm, which is supposed to be charming, is just annoying, and his journey to find himself and "the one" is really tiresome. Someone please get rid of this guy so I can fully enjoy Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, and Jason Segel uninterrupted.

I'm going to be honest; every time he appears, I pour myself a bowl of Honey Bunches of No because I've had enough of this character. I know that he's supposed to represent the slightly deranged, yet good-looking dude who makes women goo goo, ga ga, but uh uh. He's kinda cray. He peed on Hannah (Lena Dunham) and there was nary a stingray or a Jimmy Ray (Remember when he was famous for like, seven seconds?) for miles. But that's mild in comparison to the most vile thing he's done on Girls. Even though his girlfriend, Natalia (Shiri Appleby), was like, "No, boo boo," he straight up ignored her and gave her a pearl necklace to conclude their horrible sexual encounter. And no, I'm not talking about the kind of pearl necklace that comes in a Tiffany's box. So, please, tell me again exactly why Adam is around, and why I'm supposed to find him interesting? Because I'd much rather watch a fully-developed male character as opposed to a really gross dude who, if I met in real life, would make me feel like I'm doing Tae Bo because rejecting his sexual advances count is like a cardio workout:

I think I speak for everyone when I say that the world appreciates Randy Jackson because he played with rock band Journey. But after 12 seasons on American Idol, I don't care about his musical contributions anymore because he's a horrible judge on the show. He used to give useful critiques, but now all he does is say, "Yo, yo," "Dawg," "Good looking out, dawg!" in random order as if someone pressed "shuffle" on iAGrownAssManButITalkLikeSuburbanTeenWhoHasOneBlackFriend, which we all know is a knockoff of the iPod. I can't take it anymore! Get him off this show and find somebody else who can formulate a sentence in exchange for millions of dollars.

Ugh, I know that when Glee introduced Will (Matthew Morrison) to the world in 2009, he was supposed to make the lady viewers at home want to stop, drop, and roll out of their undies, but like any jaded New Yorker, I recognize this is just a fire drill, so I'm going to stay put in my seat and finish my game of Sudoku. The point is a) I'm negative turned on when Will shows up and B) This character, who started out as interesting because he was stuck in a bad marriage, has turned into a boring, whiny guy, who is nothing more than an inspiration machine, shooting out cliches about believing in yourself. I mean, really, how am I supposed to like a character as milquetoast as him earnestly spitting Young MC's Bust a Move to motivate his students. And what students are like, "Hell, yeah! He's so cool that I'm going to join in!" Not buying it, so, Will, please pack your pomade and get off my TV screen.

I know of everyone on this list, this is probably the most controversial selection because I'm talking about the beloved Modern Family. Let me be clear: I love this show as much as you do; however, we're four seasons into a sitcom whose sole Latina character is a walking and talking Latina stereotype: She's loud, passionate, in your face, and has a smoky body that is constantly cloaked in sexy dresses. Oof. No me gusta, y'all. I'm not saying that Gloria (Sofia Vergara) has to be white-washed or have her ethnicity toned down, but I can't watch a grown-ass woman basically just do "��Ay yi yi!" for 30 minutes every week without feeling uncomfortable.

If you look up the phrase "over it" in the dictionary, you'd see that the definition is "Phoebe is sick and tired of Smash's Ellis Boyd looking all smug because his hair is cute in a Tracy Chapman circa 1988 way. "Fast Car," you did not write, so take it down several notches, Ellis." Sure, that's probably not a definition that is applicable to 95 percent of people who use "over it" in everyday conversation, but it is what is in my heart. In fact, I loathe Ellis (Jaime Capero) so much that he's the main reason I stopped watching Smash halfway through season one. That's right. I was able to look past all the straight male characters pretending that Karen (Katherine McPhee) is the most desirable woman ever instead of what she really is, which is walking and talking Xanax. I ignored the fact that Julia (Debra Messing) and her old flame Michael's affair began because he started singing "A Song for You" to her as loud as hell outside her apartment, which caused her son to be like, "What's that noise," open his bedroom window, and watch his mom slob down some hot dude who's not his dad. I drank a glass of "Girl, this ain't really happening" when Ivy (Megan Hilty) started having comically ludicrous hallucinations because she was taking prednisone. I could get past all of those silly things, but not the scheming, villainous Ellis. He was never brought to life in an interesting way that would make the television viewer love to hate him. Instead, he's a nuisance and showed up on-screen the way a gnat comes around your plate of potato salad at a picnic. Sure, this probably has more to do with the faulty writing than Jaime's acting. He's probably a nice person in real life and a decent actor, if given better material, but it's time that Smash fired him so he can return to the nearest farmer's market/audition line for Law & Order: SVU extras.

Look, I want to like Tara. During the early seasons, she rocked braids that were very reminiscent of Moesha, kissed tons of hot dudes, and tried to knock some sense into Sookie by telling her to close her legs to vampires so as to not get the whole town of Bon Temps killed. In short, Tara was a straight shooter, and that's my kind of girl. But I soon lost all respect for her when she got a serious case of the sads because her boyfriend Eggs died. That's right, his government name was Eggs. Not any special type of eggs like Egg White Frittata with Cheddar Salsa or Baked Denver Omelet. This dude was just named "Eggs." I'm sorry, I can't get emotionally invested in someone with a Grade A foolish name like that. OK, I know that sounds cruel; the guy was murdered, but in the world of True Blood, her and Eggs really were only together like two weeks, tops. So for her to spend more than half a season crying over a guy that the audience barely got a chance to get attached to seemed odd and essentially changed her from being a tough as nails yet an undercover sweetheart into a walking, blubbering mess. Get a grip, girl, and quit being the resident buzzkill because you're really making TB unbearable to watch.

Donald Trump on The Apprentice

Ugh, where to begin. Oh, I know where. Hey Donald, I'll give you $50 if you'd stop having your wife throw Cheetos dust at you, like Lebon James tosses chalk in the air (skip to :10):

so it can land on you and give you burnt sienna face. Looks aside, the real problem with Trump is his boorish behavior, which was weirdly funny during the first incarnation of The Apprentice. The way he would fire people and try to stir the pot among the contestants made for great television. Now it's almost a decade later, and he's more obnoxious than ever. Last year, he said he would only donate money to charity if President Obama proved he was American. Um, how about you just give the money because you don't want Jesus to give you the side eye for being a jerkface? But I think the moment I officially loathed the Trumpster was during this season of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice. One of the female contestants, Brande Roderick, said that she got on her knees to beg a fellow contestant to let her be a project manager. To which Trump replied that her being on her knees must be a "pretty picture." Excuse me while I go take a Silkwood shower real quick because that was trifling as hell:

Not only did he say this disgusting and sexually inappropriate comment to Brande (and in front of his daughter, Ivanka), but he then turned to fellow judge Piers Morgan and smiled like a giddy two-and-a-half-year-old child who's proud to show his mama that successfully went boom-boom in the toilet by himself. Trump, please be less proud of yourself for being a creepazoid and learn how to act like a grown-up and professional when you're in the presence of an attractive woman.

What do you think of this list? Agree or disagree? Are there any characters that I forgot to call out?