Wednesday, July 20, 2005

MY WORK

My boss No. 2 called me this morning as I was walking into the office. I actually felt my heart skipped a bit. Does he know about me? About me possibly leaving the office? That wouldn’t be very nice. I wanted to tell him first. I do not want him to hear it from someone else. That would be like back stabbing.

I was walking behind him, walking nervously to his office. Then I sat down..ready to listen and ready to clarify.

So we had a friendly chit chat first. A few minutes later, he went on to ask my current project.the progress, who to delegate what. “You see two of our good staff are transferred to another department, so we are running short of hand. Lollies, I need you to look into this case So how do you propose this project to be done?What happen to the case 2012, yadda, yadda, yadda..”

Oh! Dear..Mr Boss No. 2.. I said to myself..he had no idea about me leaving then. He was giving me the extra work. Indeed, we are short of staff.

And Lollies,

(Gulp!) Yes..Mr. Boss No.2

How would you feel if you are given a new area to cover? I think you are doing well in the East project. So why not spread your wings to the North and Central project? Mr. Boss No.2 said smiling It will do you good. I know you are not familiar with the North..but hey, I am still here…plus the principal is still the same. I have big plans here. Ms. Jaxx can cover your area, and you will take half of the Peninsula case. Meet new people, new challenges. And of course, with the managerial post and Nizam will follow you. You can train him.

Oh..well (but I might be leaving), can I have Jaxx instead?

Ha ha ha..no Lollies, you take Nizam. He needs training, so I need you to do that. I have trust in you. *smile*.

TRUST? Can you trust me Mr. Boss no. 2? Can you?

I was really at the edge of spilling the truth. I know I should eventually. I should and I would.

The thing is..I am uncertain. Well my heart is inclined to be where my lover will be. But the time is still uncertain..will I follow my lover immediately or will I follow suit much much later.

But the biggest matter is I am CHICKEN about this. I truly am. I can’t bear seeing my boss’s face when I tell him finally. I can’t even thik of it.

Oh! How I wish I don’t have to deal with this. How I wish the problem would solve on its’ own and everyone is happy. Happy with the decisions made. And I just wish things can maintain the same, and I don’t have to decide on anything.

This whole thing is making me sad and angry at the same time. I have a career and I am climbing a ladder. And the ladder looks more like a fast moving escalator. Everything looks promising here. And I want to leave all this? Hu hu..I love my children. I want to be with them always. But I am an individual with aspiring ambition. I like my degree and I like my job. My office is an important office in the company. We rub shoulders with the Ministries, Government important people, the Chairman, the President.