Why are Working Women Starting to Unplug from Their Churches?

Editor’s note: Today we introduce Sandra Crawford Williamson, the newest contributor to the IFWE blog. She is the COO of 4word, a national/global organization with the mission to connect, lead, and support professional women to reach their God-given potential.

Wives with their husbands? Mothers with their children? The single women sitting alone in the back rows?

Yes, they are all of those things and so much more. How do we use these women to grow and serve the church?

Camouflaged in Church

In America, 47% of the workforce is made up of women, and the percentage has doubled in every age category since 1950, according to the U.S. Congress Joint Economic Committee. The Committee also reports that 83% of women raising children work outside of the home, compared to 47% in 1975. AND a whopping 75% of them work full-time!

These women are out there. In fact, we may not realize that half of the women in the church are working women, because they are camouflaged.

We’re not talking about green outfits. No, her camouflage looks different. Her camouflage is her Sunday-best, children calling her “Mommy,” and maybe a strong, spiritual husband beside her. She blends with others because there is no other group for her.

And what about the single women who don’t get married until later in life? They don’t fit into the different affinity groups: “moms”, “married”, “divorced.” And the “singles” are often college-aged/recent graduates that don’t relate to them either.

Many of these women haven chosen to not marry yet and are in the workplace, but they often quietly slip in and out of church to avoid the sympathy, advice, and blind dates that are thrown their way. Sadly, they may end up seeing themselves as “not-mothers” and “not-wives” instead of someone who is pursuing her Ephesians 2:10 calling in the workplace.

What the Church Isn’t Seeing

In the church, there is no way for us to see that one of these women may wake up Monday morning and run a multi-billion dollar firm, argue a legal case, or manage a $500 million investment portfolio.

There’s no way for us to see the constant spiritual warfare she faces in the workplace, her mission field. They are game-changers, bravely facing the corporate world and all the challenges that it holds.

We don’t see them this way because of the camouflage, but these working women are not hiding intentionally.

They are busy balancing the three-legged stool of family, faith, and career without falling over. They are trying to find a place to fit in on Sundays so they may hear your sermon, receive God’s word, be encouraged by group prayer, and accept Jesus as their savior.

These women are also in need of encouragement and support as they leave the church walls after the service and get thrown into the competitive, often harsh corporate world.

Let’s change our view of them, see them for all they are, and help them.

Why are Working Women Starting to Unplug from Their Churches?

We need to figure out quickly how to recognize, encourage, and spiritually lead these women. Barna and others say as many as 27% of professional Christian women are starting to choose to unplug from church all together. Why is that?

Evidence says four reasons are given as to why she chooses to stay home from church.

1. The examples from the pulpit don’t pertain to me because they are often about men in business and women in the home.

Psychology tells us that if a human doesn’t see themselves in a picture, they will put it down and be uninterested. The professional women in the pew need to see and hear themselves painted into the spiritual message picture on Sunday morning, and beyond, in a way that pertains to her life.

Takeaway: Messages could include more examples of women doing things outside of the home.

2.I am underutilized at church so I don’t feel my spiritual gifts are recognized or respected.

Even though these women have giftedness outside of traditional home skills, they are often only asked to make casseroles and work in the church nursery.

These women may not be asked to serve on church committees, even though the topics may be her Monday – Friday areas of expertise. Add this example to the facts that she is already very busy and that only 20% of humans respond to a need when asked to volunteer, and you get a major untapped resource inside your church that may leave because she is not called upon to use her gifts.

Takeaway: Find her and her gifts and use her for God’s glory INSIDE the church.

3. I feel isolated at church because there is no bucket into which I fit.

These women look around and see all of the buckets of people that are being served, such as “the young marrieds,” “the singles,” “the youth,” “the married with children,” “empty-nesters,” “divorced,” “retired,” etc., and do not find a label that fully encompasses all they are.

She is a woman AND a business leader. Her daily challenges are unique. Yet, there is no unique group that addresses all of the life parts with which she is faced.

Takeaway: Start an authentic Women in Business movement in your church by tapping into a few key women and give them the appropriate support.

4. The existing programs for women don’t align with my work schedule or my needs.

We often hear professional women in the church say they would rather go to the men’s 6:30 a.m. group events because of scheduling and content, but can you imagine if they went strolling into one?

At lots of churches, the women’s events are scheduled during the workday or at other times that a busy working woman who is putting in 40+ hours at work plus running a home plus often mothering children and getting them to school, arts and athletics, etc. just can’t make it.

Takeaway: Make a point to creatively schedule opportunities for these women that coincide with their busy lives, such as Saturday mornings, Sunday afternoons, or a weeknight at 8:00 p.m. after children are settled, and ensure the topics are tailored to this audience.

We have seen churches across the country not only serve these women, but attract new people into church by offering messages, curriculum, community, and programming for professional women because new programs for working women grow a church.

The Importance of Working Women in the Church

We have heard “If Mama Ain’t Happy, No One is Happy.” In fact, Barna Group indicates that 80% of the time, women make the decision on whether a family attends church.

This statistic is eerily familiar to the stat that makes this elusive consumer group so critical to product companies, too. She also controls 80% of the household spending, including charitable giving. If the woman doesn’t get up on Sunday morning and get out the door, the odds are they stay home. Once they stay home one week, it is easier to do so the next week.

The camouflaged Christian woman in the workforce is in your church. Today.

She is there in the pew, anxious to be included, spoken to, and encouraged. And when she is, she responds in a big way, plugging in, bringing friends, and keeping her family and her tithing strong.

Please see her and keep her there.

Interested in exploring in exploring this issue and learning more about 4word? Please email us at hello@4wordwomen.org.

Sandra Crawford Williamson

Sandra Crawford Williamson is a seasoned executive, Wall Street industry expert, author, and public speaker who is Chief Operating Officer of 4word. She was most recently Chief Marketing Officer for a $3 Billion advertising agency for 600,000 clients. Williamson brings 20+ years of general management, marketing, and sales experience with a passion for taking brands, companies, and teams to the next level while delivering strong results.

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HMDenigan

I just left my childhood church this year for these very reasons. My new church family has life groups, a choir, more diversity of life situation, and more opportunities for single women to serve. It wasn’t an easy decision — it was particularly difficult for my parents — and I took about two years making it.

Rachel

Thank you! As a woman in the workplace I have often felt more attracted to men’s ministry activities than women’s ministry nights. Thank you for the exhortation to think about other women like myself.

lah122

Am so glad to hear that I am not alone. I work in a man’s world; to switch gears for church is strange.

Great article. The church seems unfortunately gifted at alienating people, and we need more individuals to speak out as you do here.

However, I do take issue with something – “And what about the single women who don’t get married until later in life?…Many of these women haven chosen to not marry yet..”

Married until later or yet?? The assumption is that ALL will eventually marry. Says who? Some people may never marry – female or male – for a variety of reasons. The apostle Paul teaches that staying single can have advantages, although life-long singleness is not for everyone.

And “chosen to not marry” – that seems to imply that they could have married but turned down the opportunity! That could be VERY hurtful. Some women really desire marriage but, for whatever reasons, have not met someone or not been asked.

It seems this wording and the assumptions behind it is in itself alienating!

I guess I relate to this as a married woman without children who has
encountered similar things. (I’m middle aged and married for 22 yrs.) – Don’t have kids…yet. Chosen to not have kids. Who says everyone must have kids? Jesus didn’t. And some married people without kids may not necessarily have chosen this, but instead chose to be content with their circumstances. Isn’t contentment supposed to be a Christian virtue?

Overall, I truly appreciate your post. Thanks for speaking out.

LHawkins

Great response. Yes,… I’m 57 and have not married yet. And I have not chosen singleness for myself. Yes, there were proposals from men, but I would not have been equally yoked. That comment did rub me the wrong way too. I did not chose my career over marriage. I have to work to support myself.

Margie Catuogno

LHawkins, I am very proud of your choice to faithfully serve Christ by choosing not to be unequally yoked. I applaud you! Can’t say “Wonderful” enough! Bless you. Margie

Doc

I agree, it hit me the wrong way too. I’m single, period. I don’t need to qualify it with a “married yet” as if that’s the standard to live up to. Unless I get to call married people “not divorced yet” ha ha. The choice issue is complicated. I’m sure there are people who are single because they have decided marriage in general is not for them. I’d say they chose to be single. and a few who strongly desire marriage and feel the choice was taken from them when a potential marriage partner rejected them. I’m in the middle… I desire to not marry unless I meet someone really well suited for me, who I love and who returns my feelings, who I could have a stable and happy marriage with. Haven’t met him yet. I’m not going out of my way to search for this person, nor am I actively avoiding meeting him either. I’m just living my life and making it meaningful the way it is. If a new direction for my life opens up in the relationship department (or new job or any other new thing) then I will evaluate the merits of that specific situation.

Sid in Missouri

Greetings,

I like the overall message which has to do with reaching out and being encouraging. That’s the church’s goal to ALL people: adult men and women, teens, and young children.

One word of caution–and I don’t think the author of this post was actually suggesting this–but we have to be careful with developing too many “programs” and “outreaches” for different niche groups in church. For example, do we really need a group that is highly targets at “young, single professional divorced women struggling with the illness of their mom’s who raised them also in a single household?” I made that up, but you get my drift…

I’ve seen churches go that route trying to find a “group” for everyone, and then you end up splintering like crazy and the poor pastors end up having to neglect their duty to preaching and teaching the congregation because everyone is going in (literally) 100+ different directions.

I’m thinking back to the early church…Book of Acts. Yes, yes I get it that the church and culture has evolved considerably since then, but the basics remain the same: church back then consisted of “devotion to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”

Now to be fair, Peter might have started up a Gentile Women with Uncircumcised Pagan Husbands outreach group….ok, ok, I’m sorry…had to try to lighten the mood a bit. Forgive me, please, if the joke fell flat.

I think churches should be less focused on trying to “reach” every single individual who comes seeking a personal space that matches their goals and needs vs. recognizing the needs of reaching a world that is lost and without hope. Within any large group there are usually many diverse backgrounds, yet we form a common group regardless of our work, our family, and our personal agenda by committing oneself to a life of servant hood.

It’s not about what I get out of church that draws me back week after week, but rather, seeking to find the works that God would have me do within his church. And if the church is fulfilling its God-given mission of evangelism, that’s what sets us apart from other worldly organizations that try to “draw in” members by becoming everything to everybody. That’s a mistake I think some–not all–church’s make.

Learning to deny mySELF, take up my cross, and follow Jesus. Ah, now THAT is what makes church different from the Optimist Club and the local Scouting organization.

It’s great to encourage each other. It’s great to work and rest in the Love of the Lord. With that as our focus, there’s a place for everyone.

Thanks for the post and giving me a chance to think out loud. It was a pleasure to read.

Charles Allen

When you want the church to be about you and your needs then you will never be satisfied with any church, even if and when they create the groups or ministries that you desire. Check can not be about you, it has to be about Jesus. No church is perfect, and no church will ever be the perfect.fit. you have to find d one that teaches the truth and make your mark there.

If you want a specific group/ministry, talk with your pastor, do t leave the church and then blog about it later. He will respect that (or should). He needs you more than you need him and he will not want you gone, these situations tend to slip their minds because they too have 100 things going on a day. Maybe you are called to use your gifts and start something that is tailored to your needs. You will know better than your pastor.

bythelake

This is true. But it is also true that it’s not wrong to want friends who have time to be in your life. If you don’t find people with similar schedules, it can be impossible to form strong bonds in a church family. Often married people with children have very different schedules which keeps single people in isolation. It’s just a reality. Going to a church with a broader group of people in order to find bonds is not wrong. If God calls you to a church where you aren’t finding friends, that’s a call to sacrifice, but it’s between God and the individual. If you haven’t been in this situation, try not to jump to the conclusion that it’s all about selfishness.

kcandbeyond

Good
points. When I was a grad student, I longed for more female role models
that had the kind of life I want for myself – working women with
fulfilling careers and raising children. In my academic circles, many of
the women didn’t have children. At my church, most of the women who
were married were stay at home moms, occasionally working part time. So
where were the Christian working women with families? Also, the church I
attended for a couple of years before I moved featured men’s and women’s
events that were based on gender stereotyped interests – men had monthly
beer/pub nights and women had craft nights. I’d much rather drink beer
than make crafts. Single friends and I at church (men and women) started
getting together and going to dinner and going to pubs and breweries
and concerts and inviting others from church, so organically we found a
mixed group of fellowship that fit our interests.

Samantha Thompson

Wow, that sounds exactly like my church! A couple months ago, they announced a men’s fellowship night with a bonfire, food, and beer. I remember turning to my friend next to me and saying, so when’s the women’s bonfire/beer fellowship night? As a woman, I hate being pigeonholed by gender stereotypes. I love being outdoors, hiking, playing sports, shooting guns, and sitting around drinking coffee and making small talk is not my idea of a good time.

Anneke9

Thank you for this article. I have experienced all four reasons and will add a fifth: I don’t have children and find the heavy emphasis on women and family depressing. I would love to serve in a community ministry (e.g., helping the homeless), etc. but the church that I was attending was focused on raising their children and homeschooling their children. Both are noble efforts but efforts in which I cannot participate. I would have participated in the men’s group which often helped clean yards, paint, etc. for the elderly and impoverished in city but that was not an option.

I attend a church somewhat like yours, and I think you have a very good concern. By all means share your respectful concerns with the leadership, if you haven’t already. Churches like yours are not necessarily antagonistic towards diverse family situations; they have just focused heavily on meeting the needs of a particular family lifestyle (i.e., the homeschooling lifestyle, one that is under-reached in today’s society), and may very well take interest in your concerns.

Lari B.

Great article with good points. However, I would like to say that some of these issues don’t pertain only to working women. I’m a stay-at-home mom and have been for 12 years but I still find it difficult to connect much of the time. The problem is that I will work in the nursery or bake a casserole if it’s needed, but it’s really not where I am gifted or called to serve.

As a woman, I’m expected to submit to the plans and views of the male leadership even when I can clearly see the flaws. Even when I’m asked for my opinion, I can be seen as negative or unhelpful just because I offer an alternative view or suggest changes to the plan. I end up doing the minimum within the church and then doing my own thing elsewhere.

The church needs to stop seeing women simply as the babysitters, cooks, and caregivers of the congregation and realize that many of them are as qualified/gifted/capable as the men. The role of women has clearly changed in the last 50 years and the church can either learn how to adapt to that change or expect more and more people to fade into the background or leave altogether.

Doc

If you want these women who thrive in more traditional roles to accept and support your using your gifts, why not stop degrading their gifts as inferior work? The traditional “women’s work” isn’t inferior and made for people who can’t cut it in the men’s world where important things are done….it is just a different set of gifts that not all women have and not all men lack. Caring for children, hospitality, etc are good things.

cassie marks

Hm… at my church i am the only mom that DOESNT work. that ive met yet anyways. none of them ever have time to hang out. 🙁 i guess my church isnt turning off the working woman! yay! come visit!

hollyhouse

Are we asking the “church message ” to reflect and validate me??? It needs to validate truth … I need to align my life …

Sometimes you may be the one who needs to start a group or ministry. A little over a year ago I wanted an accountability group for scripture memory. I sent out emails and posted on Facebook and 5 women joined with me. We meet once a month at 10:30 a.m.because, at the time, I went to work at noon. If you see a need, maybe it is because God is showing you the need.

–“We often hear professional women in the church say they would rather go to the men’s 6:30 a.m. group events because of scheduling and content, but can you imagine if they went strolling into one?”–

Why should that morning group be open only to men? What is so essential about the male-ness of that group that they presume that their discussion could not possibly appeal to women who have similar lifestyles and careers?

It seems to me that when women who work outside the home feel alienated from the programs that exist to serve people who share one or more affinities with them—both from the groups serving women (geared towards young mothers, single women, etc.) and from the groups serving career-oriented people (because it’s men-only)—maybe the problem isn’t that there’s no special group for women who work outside the home, but that the existing groups are too specialized and insular and too unwilling to sacrifice their own comfort zones for the sake of someone else.

So maybe the solution isn’t to start yet another program for yet another affinity group (requiring yet another volunteer to do 90% of the work), but rather to incorporate the needs, perspectives, and gifts of women who work outside the home into the women’s groups, and/or to change the 6:30am men’s group into a 6:30am business people’s group where men and women alike are welcomed and affirmed.

Deborah West

Amen!!!!
The church needs to quit dividing everything into gender. There is no male or female in Christ. All groups, bible studies, special events – should be for the Church as a whole, not divided. Why are there ‘men’s groups’ anyway. What is that men talk about in a Bible study that doesn’t pertain to all peoples? The answer should be nothing. There should be NO ‘male’ gossip groups. And likewise – there should be NO ‘female’ gossip groups. There is nothing that our Lord said that doesn’t apply to both sexes. There is NOTHING that should be said in church that doesn’t apply to BOTH. As long as women fell ‘segregated’ they will leave. The body (church) of Christ should be united, not divided.

clearlyseen

I wish there were more opportunities for multi-generational coed relationships (regardless of marital status) in churches. At my church, the genders are basically separated for small group discussion/Bible studies from kindergarten on. Almost all co-ed Bible studies for adults are for married couples only. They don’t seem to think that singles and marrieds would like to mix. (I don’t know why, because I like both, and I like hearing a male perspective, too, besides just my dad or my pastor’s sermons.) As an adult, 36 years old (never married, but want to be when/if a suitable match exists), it’s somewhat difficult to make these connections. I don’t want to know only women, but that is pretty much my reality right now. The men I would consider friends are the husbands of my girlfriends, friends of my parents, or people I met on Christian tours. I can’t honestly name a eligible single man among my friends. It’s also tough to meet women my age, since most are off in couples groups. My best friends I met on Christian tours, where I can interact with married and single, male and female, young and old–most of whom have a vital relationship with Jesus. That is an ideal situation for me. I’m about to go on a fourth tour, and looking forward to the possibility of making some new friends.

James

–“Caring for children, hospitality, etc are good things.”–

You’re right, they are.

So why do our churches traditionally assign those good things to women, while absolving men of their responsibility to play an equal part in providing childcare, cook, and welcome others?

Perhaps the solution to Lari’s problem would be for some of the male “leadership” who recognize that there are women whose giftedness in leadership exceeds their own to step down from their positions, let women like Lari run the show, and take on the roles of babysitters, cooks, and caregivers of the congregation and free up time and energy for the women that God gifts and calls to lead the church.

Please don’t forget that some of these working women are teachers, even teachers who work 10+ hours a day. If I can’t see a church event as more important than tackling some lesson plans, catching up on grades, tutoring, or drawing up intervention plans, then I don’t go to church that day. I know that I should go, and I want to go, but students, parents, and coworkers are counting on me to stay ahead of the game. I appreciate this post, but please be careful about putting anyone in a box. As an unmarried 3rd grade teacher, I would not attend a “Women in Business” group anymore than I would a singles group.

kcandbeyond

Agreed. I’m a healthcare professional and wouldn’t join Women in Business group, though it could be a good idea for women who want to connect with other women in that field. There’s not a dichotomy between “Stay at home moms” and “women in business;” there’s a whole range of roles that women and men work and serve in. I suppose you could form other subgroups like “Women in Academia” “Women in Education” “Women in Healthcare” “Women in the Arts” “Women in Engineering” etc if there was a need in a particular church.

Cynthia

It could also be that the women who work full time — which is most of us — are just tired and out of time.

After working 40 = 50 hours a week, there’s little time left to get groceries, do laundry, go by the dry cleaners, get the car washed, much less clean house and if there are papers to grade, or an elderly Mom to help.

The issue isn’t that no one at church has requested our help.

It could be that we are the ones who need the help and or just plain understanding that at some point in our lives, there is little time and energy left when we have done all that life demands from us — and we often see church as a recharging station, where we can make brief, but meaningful connections with fellow Christians who won’t judge us because we’re not “involved enough.” Sometimes we’re doing well just to get to church. It’s not that our faith is weak — our faith is what keeps us going.

Sometimes, I think when Jesus called us to be the “light of the world”, one of the things he meant is that we should bring Christian values – the fruits of the Spirit – into our work lives and anywhere else life takes us outside of church.

This may sound radical, but busy church work should never be a goal unto itself.

Rather, shining our light into the world is the goal that Jesus talked about.

Among sincere Christians is where we can safely recharge our lights well — so that we can go back into the world the next day and shine our lights again — and again — and again. That is church work, too, you know.

Even If Ministries

I would give you another way to look at it . . . the church has done this to ITSELF. Women were NOT a 2nd class citizen in the text regardless of what some doctrines and dogmas teach. Deborah the prophetess, Ruth, Esther etc . . . but even more than that, was who the woman was according to the text – – – her value according to the text: ” . . . far beyond that of pearls.”

Carefully consider the following woman from the text . . . a working woman . . . a tough woman . . . A woman who fears Adonai and is tougher than ANY man I have ever met in ministry . . .
If the church is ignoring the following, it is to their shame . . .

According to King L’mu’el (consensus is that this is King Solomon the wise):

Proverbs 31:10-31 (CJB)
‏א‎ 10 Who can find a capable wife?
Her value is far beyond that of pearls.
‏ב‎ 11 Her husband trusts her from his heart,
and she will prove a great asset to him.
‏ג‎ 12 She works to bring him good,
not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 ‏ד‎ 13 She procures a supply of wool and flax
and works with willing hands.
‏ה‎ 14 She is like those merchant vessels,
bringing her food from far away.
‏ו‎ 15 It’s still dark when she rises to give
food to her household and orders to the young women serving her.
‏ז‎ 16 She considers a field, then buys it,
and from her earnings she plants a vineyard.
‏ח‎ 17 She gathers her strength around her
and throws herself into her work.
‏ט‎ 18 She sees that her business affairs go well;
her lamp stays lit at night.
‏י‎ 19 She puts her hands to the staff with the flax;
her fingers hold the spinning rod.
‏כ‎ 20 She reaches out to embrace the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
‏ל‎ 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
since all of them are doubly clothed.
‏מ‎ 22 She makes her own quilts;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
‏נ‎ 23 Her husband is known at the city gates
when he sits with the leaders of the land.
‏ס‎ 24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she supplies the merchants with sashes.
‏ע‎ 25 Clothed with strength and dignity,
she can laugh at the days to come.
‏פ‎ 26 When she opens her mouth, she speaks wisely;
on her tongue is loving instruction.
‏צ‎ 27 She watches how things go in her house,
not eating the bread of idleness.
‏ק‎ 28 Her children arise; they make her happy;
her husband too, as he praises her:
‏ר‎ 29 “Many women have done wonderful things,
but you surpass them all!”
‏ש‎ 30 Charm can lie, beauty can vanish,
but a woman who fears Adonai should be praised.
‏ת‎ 31 Give her a share in what she produces;
let her works speak her praises at the city gates.
My advice would be for women to stop being what the church thinks they should be and be what God created them to be . . . and if the church does not see the value of a woman in the same way that Adonai sees her value (beyond pearls), maybe it is time to find a new assembly of believers to fellowship with
My 2 cents anyways
I serve in the ministry with a Proverbs 31 wife and feel fortunate and blessed to do so

guest

I agree with some of the points in the article. As our careers have advanced through the years, I can say that both my spouse and I have a hard time finding a church to attend and even feel like we would want to volunteer at at all. People are going through the motions, and we find them not knowing how to react to two people who do not have kids yet and have jobs they work really hard at.

As for the stay at home wife, sit around and gossip at women’s group things at 10 am, always make looks on outside (of that of some perfect 1950s Leave it to Beaver family), etc–IMO, look no further than the catty pastors’ wives and wives of the deacons. it is repugnantly pathetic.

Those same people are having kids, living off credit, gotta have the best makeup and hair stuff for the wives and newest TV for the manly, looks down on women, husband to watch sports and hide away from the wife and kids with all his church bud dude friends. Yet, it seems for those who save and plan for the future, they are more than happy to take any offering from those people they can get, but otherwise outside of seeing those types as dollar signs, the overall church goers are fake, gossipy, and are too busy comparing themselves to others.

Sorry, but no one who goes to work and deals with high stress beyond what new hair, makeup, clothing, purse, soap opera, sports team, etc product is nouveau wants to deal with those headaches of church where they feel like it is no different than the equivalent of stress of some type at work. The church has its nepotismal family and friends get free passes (where they actually should be pointing out sin to a fellow brother or sister in Christ) without expectation of repentance and a life that mirrors Christ outside of the physical churçh walls, etc. It seems more like a shelter from reality than taking on the world for Christ’s mission, and He loves all–stay at home mom or working married vs not married vs children there or not women’s.

Wow, this woman that you talk about is me!!! I am a professional working woman balances several plates and ironically find myself lost in the church. Don’t get me wrong, I love my church but it’s doing a great job at feeding me spiritually on Sunday mornings but nothing else. Great article, thank you for writing it!

Cecile Charles

I wrote a book for just these women Light Within Cobblestones to encourage one of the hardest hit groups, spiritually.

Reformedgurl33

How about we start with that Titus 2 (which was probably culturally dependent) is used at every opportunity to slam me into the ground for not wanting to stay home and do the things that I could easily do outside of a full time job? How about the fact that I was talked into having a child (when I didn’t want any) and knew my calling was something else and now I’m in a depression that makes me want to pack my car up and leave over? How about why I’ve been ostracized because getting a degree was by far the best day of my life far and above giving birth to my child? How about for those reasons….frankly I am not even sure God exists anymore…..his followers are too concerned with legalisms they can pull from 2000 year old customs to keep society from moving forward. I’m not sure I’d want to serve a God who would want women to be tedious workers of the home while men are allowed to have dreams, purpose, and desire…….I’m not sure I like that idea……. I’ll tell you what, lets realize Paul was talking to a Jewish culture, probably about something they already did, and wanted to keep the peace to promulgate Christianity so that it would spread and it may not be exactly what is meant to happen today. Let’s stop shaming women for not lining up behind their husbands dreams and giving up their own so they can be “good christian wives.” I may just come back to church then……you can otherwise count me out. If Jesus would send me to hell because i wanted to have a life outside of babies….then I guess he’s not the God I would want to be serving.

Reformedgurl33

I hate to be the one that says this but the church shames women who are mothers and work outside the home. I know this article is a year old but I found it by looking for should moms work outside the home. The problem ends up being that stay at home moms are held up as the pentacle of motherhood and if you’re not doing that then you should be guilty (particularly as a christian) that you are not. This very issue has made me leave the church and has almost destroyed my faith. You see I want to work. I want the best for my children and I know if I were to stay home then I would fall into depression (as I have tried this) and not only do I no longer take care of myself but I end up failing to take care of my children. If women work they’re supposed to hate doing it and only want to do it because they can’t pay the bills otherwise. They should be jealous of their SAHM counterparts. When they’re not; they are essentially unsaved.

Andrea Ackerman

This is a good article. I would add that the working woman often finds more comraderie outside of church. If she doesn’t feel she can connect personally as a woman with other women at church, the desire to go diminishes. At least that’s true in my case. I’m the pastors wife and also work FULL TIME outside of my home. With 4 kids, the call to balance family, faith, work AND being the pastor’s wife is an ever present stressor in my own life. If anyone knows how to make this work I’d love some advice (and a friend who gets it).