Jaden Smith Was Literally A Vampire

Jaden Smith Was A Vampire At Some Point (But Is Now Not A Vampire)

Jaden Smith used to literally think he was a vampire, or consider himself a vampire, or told people that he was a vampire. Somehow, vampirism and Jaden Smith were, like, related. More literally than one might think. Or less literally? What is, like, reality, man?

Rapper and boxed water maven Smith broke down his brush with the vampiric in the cover story of French fashion magazine Numéro.

“During a period of my life, I was Gothic,” Smith said. “I was only wearing black and I was hiding from the sun because I was a vampire.”

Ok, like metaphorically? Like, you were really into body glitter and my most colorful college English professor wrote a book about you?

“I was a vampire, for real,” he told the magazine. “I could not expose myself to the sun and I was only wearing black trench coats.”

Yeah but like...that's not what a vampire is. A vampire is...

“I open myself up to wear more colorful things, to go out in daylight,” he told the magazine of his subsequent evolution.

Fashion vampires are pretty cool. Bret Easton Ellis wrote an underrated short story collection about Los Angeles in which the shadow plot is that there's a cabal of pedophile vampires draining people of blood.

But Jaden is a child, so more likely he's a vampire like Eli from Let the Right One In. Remember: Eli had a manservant that would go out and hunt for her. That's basically Will Smith, hunting for roles and opportunities for his son. Also like Jaden, Eli was genderfluid. So basically, Jaden Smith and Eli, a vampire that looks like a pre-teen girl, were at one point the same person. Maybe he'll remake the American remake starring Chloë Grace Moretz.