The Morning Links Where I Try To Get Tickets

Fun Fun Fun Fest In Austin – I’m going to miss out on Public Enemy, Childish Gambino AND Anarchy Championship Wrestling because as a local I didn’t spend 200 dollars on tickets 8 months ago. Somebody at the fest wanna read this and toss me a couple of tickets? I’ll promote you on my … on my uh, sports blog. [FunFunFun Fest]

The 10 Best Ways For Artists To Build Their Brands At Music Festivals – I like using the word “brand” in situations like this, because it reminds me of that contact lens commercial. “MY BRAND!” [Smoking Section]

This Man Is Terrified of Puppies – I got into an argument with my girlfriend over whether this clip is funny or sad. She won, I guess, because I couldn’t come up with an point broader than “come on, really?” [Warming Glow]

Haley Joel Osment Looks… Healthy – At this point I feel like Emily Osment should just cut her hair super short and tell people she’s Haley Joel. She’ll get more street cred, and he’ll still look like a human being. [Film Drunk]

Parks & Meth: ‘Breaking Bad’ Hilariously Meets ‘Parks & Rec’ – I want to start a site for articles like this nobody would Tumble. Like, ‘Three’s Company Hilariously Meets St. Elsewhere’. Waste two hours making graphics and watch the four dissatisfied hits roll in. |UPROXX|

Finally, We Have The Question To Which There Is No Answer: What Is The Best Coldplay Song? – I don’t understand my own relationship with Coldplay. I don’t think they’re bad or musically untalented, but Jesus, there’s no band that gets me to change the radio station faster. [FARK]

Is ‘The Three Musketeers’ the Stupidest Movie Ever Made? (And 24 Other Urgent Questions) – …yet I’m sure everyone involved, including Paul W.S. stupid Anderson, will get to make whatever they want next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. [Moviefone]

Come Up with the Best Reverse 80’s Remake. Win a Pajiba T-Shirt – Remember, nobody made real movies in the 80s, it was always just Molly Ringwald with Depeche Mode playing in the background. [Pajiba]