Britney Spears is bipolar, plane and simple. I’ve been saying it for months and months, and now finally she is doing something about it. It’s a very good sign that she agreed to this hospitalization and I really hope she stays for a long time. I’ve mentioned before that a member of my family is bipolar, so I know first hand what it’s like to deal with someone with a serious mental illness and is so ill they can’t conceptualize how ill they are. But I also know first hand what it’s like on the other side, when they are healthy and mentally stronger.

I received the following email today from a friend of mine who has suffered from depression in the past, and therefore has every right to throw the “crazy” stone from her glass house.

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello – Thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are & what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, press any number, it doesn’t matter, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.