Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Toilets start to talk back

Warm liquid triggers a voice from a device hidden among the deodorizing soap blocks in each urinal.

On the most popular model, the voice says:

"Listen up. That's right, I'm talking to YOU. Had a few drinks? Maybe a few too many? Then do yourself and everyone else a favor: Call a sober friend or a cab.”

The devices have been timed so that just before the user finishes, the voice barks:

“AND DON’T FORGET TO WASH YOUR HANDS.”

What if the guy gets angry that he, an adult human male, is being lectured to in a condescending manner by a small device floating in his urinal?

Well, he’s already peeing on it, so that’s kinda covered.

The devices are spreading fast around the US and are expected to go international shortly.

I don’t think we need automated nagging devices in Asia. We have wives and girlfriends for that sort of thing.

No sexism intended. Women are vital for the advancement of civilization. Case in point: India’s runaway toilet brides are home, the Indo-Asian News Service reported.

Priyanka Bharti and two other blushing brides made international headlines after fleeing from husbands who tried to install them in houses with no toilets. We’d rather end our marriages than poop in the open, they said.

Priyanka recently made a triumphant return to the groom’s house to inspect a brand new indoor toilet and bathroom.

The women are credited with making an amazing shift in Indian thinking:

Having a nice bathroom may actually be MORE important than having a husband.

The unmarried women in my office were unimpressed.

“But that’s so obvious,” one said.

I worry about the young generation.

*** A POLL BY National Geographic revealed that 65 percent of Americans said President Obama would handle an invasion by space aliens better than Mitt Romney. Let’s all rejoice that US voters are focusing on really important issues and are not sidetracked by trivialities such as the collapsing global economy.

***

A TINY BRAIN-EATING fly has been discovered in Thailand. The bugs, each the size of a speck of pepper, are believed to enter the heads of ants and eat their brains. The ant then “wanders around aimlessly for two weeks” before forming a political party. (Okay, the bit about starting a political party is just a guess.)

There are as yet no records of the bug entering a human brain, but as soon as I read about this in LiveScience Journal, I knew that it answered a host of questions about Thai politics.

It’s only a matter of time before an exchange such as the following appears in news reports from that country.

Q: What inspired you to go into politics?

A: Not sure: I got the idea after wandering around aimlessly for two weeks.

*** JAPANESE SCIENTISTS created a robot that can play the “stone, paper, scissors” game and win every round, the press reported last week. Here’s the video of it.

What’s the point of this?

If I wanted to create games that I could be beaten at on every occasion, I would ask the British for advice.

Aren’t they the masters at this?

***

PS The picture at the top of the column doesn’t actually relate to any of the stories. It just made me smile.

Chris, thanks for the photos of the underwater planes under the previous post. Clearly super-pilot Grandpa is the master of all realms…