Accepting it's over.

Asked Apr 27, 2007, 12:11 PM
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13 Answers

I was dumped about 2 weeks ago, and I'm having trouble with stage one of a break up: accepting that she is not coming back. Anyone have any tips on how to move on from this "waiting" stage? Is it still TOO early to move on for me and normal to still have this "waiting" state of mind? Any comments would help, I'm starting to get sick of constantly waiting for THAT phone call... :o

There really is no easy answer to that question but I'm sure everyone's got tips, I'd be interested in hearing them too. I really don't think there's such a thing as moving on too soon as long as that doesn't mean jumping into another relationship. You can't make her come back. She has to decide that on her own so your best bet is to make positive changes in your life and stay productive so you'll be better off in the future whether that phone call comes or not. The "waiting" state of mind is normal but try to get out of it ASAP before you get too comfortable, it's a bad habit.

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Coming to terms she gone and letting go of her.And Time, my ex came back 3-months later and I was still in stage one when she did. On this 5th break up she did with me I knew I had to let go and it's been almost 3 months again and I'm allot better know on this break up then my first with her.

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Well it takes time... There's really nothing you can do. All there is do is try to move on. I know that's easier said then done. Since you feel you are "waiting" why don't you be the one to call. I think what you are waiting for is some sort of closure. Maybe if you call her, you can get what you looking for. Maybe one last lunch "date", or one last phone call to say goodbye to one another. I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to hurt, but you'll be okay. Heartbreak, love, happiness, and hurt is what makes us grow and learn more and more of who we are. Just remember it only gets better after this because you are learning more about yourself, who you are and what you want.

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Closure would probably be the best thing for me (not what I want by any means, but the better than the "waiting" game), but I have been sticking to the No Contact approach quite well. It's hard to not call, but it's getting better. If I call and she says there is no chance of getting back together, I feel like I'd start the whole process over again like I just got dumped. Anyway, I hope I move on soon and thanks for the input so far, any more would be appreciated too. :o

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It takes time, No contact is the best thing that helps, keep busy also its tuff but for a while you got to let your brain do the thinking instead of your heart, so don't let your emotions take over! Its tuff but time is all it takes

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Oh it is absolutely normal to keep waiting, however you will be ABNORMAL after coupla days as waiting can actually make you go insane and irony is that while you're still in that mode, the other might have already moved on... what do you think? So best is to put it in the back burner for now and there are better things in life to do than wait for uncertainties... when I broke up, I refused to carry my cell and would look at it at the end of the day to make sure I woud call back the relevant people in my life next morning... the trick did wonders and the waiting period was way behind to even look back... life moves on... just a matter of time... if she calls talk it out... if not... be good to yourself.

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If I call and she says there is no chance of getting back together, I feel like I'd start the whole process over again like I just got dumped.

I agree with this. For me, maintaining no contact is about preserving my dignity, and in a way, not tolerating rejection from someone that you love. Your ex wants separation from you.. . Well, give it and give it fully! I agree with the other posters who say that if your ex is going to come back, it is something that they have to decide on their own. If you try to influence that decision, then it will be "tainted" as far as the dumper is concened, and this may only breed resentment. Be strong!

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She actually just called like an hour ago, stating that she knew I didn't want her to call me, but asking if I wanted to study together (we both are in the same class at our university). I didn't answer (it was a message), and have yet to call her back, but it's stuff like this that just slows down the process. I just have to not take to "bait" like this, even though it's hard. Thanks for all the advice, it really helps you all. :rolleyes:

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Don't call her at all its hard! If you meet her in person tell her I forgot to reply and be done with its hard... you do know what you should do and you got to make yourself do it, even though you get satisfied with peoples answers its up to you and only you. Were just here to tell you... our expiearnces... you need to be strong and say no

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Well if she calls again or goes up to you and asks why you didn't answer or call back, just tell her firmly "Please do not call me anymore" and if she asks why then say " just do not call me" she'll get it. You should keep yourself busy. Join a sport or something. Go on a little vacation by yourself. Go out with friends just make the best of it. Also a good movie to watch when going through heartbreak is Under The Tuscan Sun It makes you realize you don't always need someone. The main thing is to not feel sorry for yourself. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you get over it much more quick.

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