Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney): "Well, all right. If we take off through that bayou..."Pete (John Turturro): "Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?"Everett: "Well, Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the concensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote."Pete: "Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly."Everett: "Well, I'm votin' for yours truly, too."Delmar O'Donnell (Tim Blake Nelson): "Okay, I'm with you fellas."

Delmar: "You work for the railroad, do you, Grampa?"Blind Seer on Handcar (Lee Weaver): "I work for no man."Pete: "Got a name, do you?"Blind Seer on Handcar: "I have no name."Everett: "Well, that right there may be the reason you've had dificulty finding gainful employment. You see, in the mart of competitive commerce..."

Blind Seer on Handcar: "You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the fortune you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation."

Everett: "The treasure is still there boys, believe me."Delmar: "But how'd he know about the treasure?"Everett: "I don't know, Delmar. The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers. Now, clearly seeing into the future would fall into neatly into that category; its not so surprising then that an organism deprived of its earthly vision..."Pete: "He said we wouldn't get get it. He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek on account of our obstacles."Everett: "Well what the hell does he know? He's an ignorant old man."

Everett: "Hold on now, I don't want this Pomade. I want Dapper Dan."Pomade Vendor (Millford Fortenberry): "I don't carry Dapper Dan, I carry Fop."Everett: "Well, I don't want Fop, bleepdamnit! I'm a Dapper Dan man!"Pomade Vendor: "Watch your language young fella. This is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I can order it for you. Have it in a couple of weeks."Everett: "Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere. Forget it. Just a dozen hair nets."

Pete: "You stole from my kin!"Everett: "Who was fixin' to betray us."Pete: "You didn't know that at the time."Everett: "So I borrowed it until I did know."Pete: "That don't make no sense!"Everett: "Pete, it's a fool, looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Delmar: "Care for some gopher?"Everett: "No thank you, Delmar. A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without beddin' her back down."Delmar: "Oh, you can have the whole thing. Me and Pete already had one. We ran across a whole gopher village."

Pete: "Well I'll be a sonofabitch. Delmar's been saved."Delmar: "Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."Everett: "Delmar, what are you talking about? We've got bigger fish to fry."Delmar: "The preacher said all my sins is warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo."Everett: "I thought you said you was innocent of those charges?"Delmar: "Well I was lyin'. And the preacher said that that sin's been warshed away too. Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now. C'mon in boys, the water is fine."

Pete: "The Preacher said it absolved us."Everett: "For him, not for the law. I'm surprised at you, Pete, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar."Delmar: "But they was witnesses that seen us redeemed."Everett: "That's not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed."

Pete: "Hell, at least it would have washed away the stink of that Pomade."Everett: "Join you two ignorant fools in a rediculous superstition, thank you anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment; the pleasing odor is half the point."

Delmar: "What are you doin' out in the middle of nowhere?"Tommy Johnson (Chris Thomas King): "Well, I had to be at that there crossroads last midnight. Sell my soul to the devil."Everett: "Well' ain't i a small world, spiritually speakin'. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated."Delmar: "This ain't no laughing matter, Everett."Everett: "What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?"Tommy Johnson: "Well, he taught me how to play this here guitar real good."Delmar: "Oh, son, for that you traded your everlasting soul?": "Well, I wasn't usin' it."

Pete: "I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?"Everett: "Well, of course, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a biffurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork."Tommy Johnson: "Oh, no. No, sir. He's white. As white as you folks. With empty eys and a big, hollow voice. He loved to travel around with a mean old hound."

Everett: "Uh, we hear that you pay good money to sing into a can."Lund, Manager WEZY Radio (Stephen Root): "Well, that all depends. You boys do Negro songs?"Everett: "Um... well, uh, sir, we are Negroes. All except for our accomp... our accomp... Uh, the fella that plays the guitar."Lund, Manager WEZY Radio: "Yeah, well, I don't record Negro songs. No, I'm lookin' for some old-timey material. You see, people can't seem to get enough of it since we started broadcasting it on The Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour, so thank you for stopping by, but..."Everett: "Sir, uh, the Soggy Bottom Boys have been steeped in old-timey material. Heck, we're silly with it, ain't we, boys?"Pete: "That's right."Delmar: "That's right. We ain't really Negroes."Pete: "All except for our accompanist."

Delmar: "Hey, mister, I don't mean to be tillin' tales out of school, but there's a fella in there who'll pay you $10 if you sing into his can."Governor Menelaus 'Pappy' O'Daniel (Charles Durning): "I'm not here yo make a record, you dumb cracker. They broadcast me out on the radio."

Everett: "Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?"Pete: "Go out west somewhere. Open a fine restaurant. I'm gonna be the maitre d'. Greet all the swells. Go to work everyday in a bow tie, tuxedo. And all the staff say "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" and "in a jify, Pete." And all my meals for free."

Everett: "What about you, Delmar? What are you gonna do with your share of that dough?"Delmar: "I'm gonna visit them foreclosein' son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan. Slap that money on the barrel head and buy back the family farm. You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land."

Pete: "Ain't noone gonna pick up three flithy, unshaved hitchhikers. And one of them a know it all who can't keep his trap shut."Everett: "Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies of the bleepdamn field. Or, hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope."Delmar: "Yeah. Look at me."

Delmar: "(He Screams at the top of his lungs.)"Everett: "What the... Delmar, what the heck's got into you?"Delmar: "Can't you see it, Everett? Them Sirens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a... horny toad."

Delmar: "I just don't think it's right keeping him under wraps like we was ashamed of him."Everett: "Well, if it is Pete, I am ashamed of him. The way I see it, he got what he deserved. Fornicating with some whore of Babylon. These things don,t happen for no reason, Delmar. It's obviously some kind of judgement on Pete's character."Delmar: "Well, the two of us was fixin' to fornicate."

Pappy O"Daniel: "We need a shot in the arm. You hear me boys? In the bleepdamn arm! Election held tomorrw, that son of bitch Stokes would win it in a walk!"Junior O'Daniel: "Well' he's the reform candidate, Daddy."Pappy O"Daniel: "Yeah."Junior O'Daniel: "A lot of people like that reform. Maybe we should get us some."Pappy O"Daniel: "I'll reform you, you soft-headed son of a bitch. How we gonna run reform when we're the damn incumbent? Is that the best idea you boys can come up with? Reform?! Weepin' jesus on the cross. Thta's it! You may as well start drafting my concession speach right now."Pappy's Staff: "Okay, Pappy."Pappy O"Daniel: "I,m just making a point you stupid son of a bitch. Give me back that hat! Hurry up!"Pappy's Staff: "Pappy's just makin' a point."Pappy O"Daniel: "Shut up!"

Gubernatorial Candidate Homer Stokes (Wayne Duvall): "The great state of Mississippi con not afford four more years of Pappy O'Daniel. Four more years of cronyism! Nepotism! Rascalism! Of service to the interests!"

Everett: "Why are you telling our gals I was hit by a train?"Penny Wharvey McGill (Holly Hunter): "Lots of respectable people been hit by trains. Judge Hobby over in Cookville was hit by a train. What was I supposed to tell 'em, that you were sent to the penal farm and I divorced you from shame?"Everett: "I take your paint. But it does put me in a damned awkward position vis a vis my progeny."

Everett: "And I have traveled many a weary mile to be back with my wife and my six daughters."Alvanelle: "Seven, Daddy!"Penny Wharvey McGill: "That ain't your daddy, Alvanelle. Your daddy was hit by a train."

Everett: "Deceitfur, two-faced she-wolf. Never trust a female, Delmar. Remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill-spent."Delmar: "Okay, Everett."Everett: ""Hit by a train." Truth means nothing to a woman, Delmar. Triumph of the subjective."

Junior O'Daniel: "We could hire us a little fell, even smaller than Stokes's."Pappy O'Daniel: "You slump-shouldered sack of nuts! Why, we'd look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, don't matter how stumpy."

Everett: "Damn it, I had to bust out. My wife wrote me she was gettin' married. I gotta stop it."Pete: "I had two weeks left on my sentence."Everett: "I couldn't wait two weeks. She's getting married tomorrow."Pete: "My added time for the escape, I don't get out now till 19...87."Everett: "I am sorry about that."Pete: "I'll be... 84 years old."

Pete: "Who elected you leader of this outfit? Since we been folloming your lead, we got nothing but trouble. I've gotten this close to being strung up and consumed in a fire and whipped no end and sunstroked and soggied."Delmar: "And turned into a frog."Everett: "He wasn't turned into a frog."Delmar: "Almost loved up, though."

Vernon T. Waldrip: "I can't switch sides in the middle of a campaign. Especially to work for a man who lacks moral fiber."Pappy O'Daniel: "Moral fiber? Why, you little pasty-face sumbitch. I invented moral fiber! Pappy O'Daniel was displaying rectitude and high-mindedness when that egghead you work for was still messing his drawers!"

Pappy O'Daniel: "Yeah, well, you'll be laughing out the other side of your face come November."Pappy's Staff 2: "Pappy O'Daniel will be laughing then."Pappy's Staff 1: "Not out the other side of his face, though."Pappy's Staff 2: "Oh, no, no, no. Just the regular side."

Pappy O'Daniel: "In the second Pappy O'Daniel administration, these boys is gonna be my brain trust"Delmar: "What's that mean, Everett?"Everett: "Well' Delmar, it means that you and me and Pete and Tommy are going to be the power behind the throne, so to speak."Delmar: "Oh, okay."

Everett: "I already got the rings. Where's your ring honey?"Penny Wharvey McGill: "I ain't worn it since our divorce came through. It must still be in the roll-top in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it. Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels."Everett: "Now's the time to buy it off him cheap."Penny Wharvey McGill: "We ain't getting married with his ring. You said you changed."Everett: "Honey, it's just an old pewter thing."Penny Wharvey McGill: "Ain't going to be no wedding."Everett: "It's just a symbol, honey."Penny Wharvey McGill: "No wedding."Delmar: "We'll go fetch it with you, Everett."Everett: "It's just a... Shut up, Delmar. It's just a symbol."Penny Wharvey McGill: "I've spoken my piece and counted to three."Everett: "She counted to three. bleep damn it. She counted to three. Son of a bitch! You have any idea how far that cabin is?"

George 'Baby Face' Nelson: "Hello, boys! Well, these little men finally cought up with the criminal of the century. Looks like the chair for George Nelson. Yup, gonna electrify me. I'm going to go off like a Roman candle. Ha ha ha. 20,000 volts chasing a rabbit through yours truly. Gol damn, gonna suck all the power right out of the state. Gonna shoot sparks out the top of my head and lightning from my fingertips! I'm George Nelson, and I'm feeling 10 feet tall!"Delmar: "Looks like George is right back on top again."

Sheriff Cooley/The Devil (Daniel von Bargen): "End of the road, boys."Everett: "No, wait a minute."Sheriff Cooley/The Devil: "It's had it's twists and turns."Everett: "Wait a minute, now."Sheriff Cooley/The Devil: "Now it deposits you here."Everett: "Wait a minute."Sheriff Cooley/The Devil: "You have eluded fate, and you have eluden me for the last time. Tie their hands, boys."Everett: "You can't do this, now."Sheriff Cooley/The Devil: "Didn't know you'd be bringing a friend. He'll just have to wait his turn, share one of your graves."Everett: "You can't do this. We just got pardoned by the governor hisself."Delmar: "It went out on the radio."Sheriff Cooley/The Devil: "Is that right? Well, we ain't got a radio."

Everett: "Please look down and recognize us poor sinners. Please, Lord. I just want to see my daughters agian. I've been separated from my family for so long. I know I've been guilty of pride and sharp dealing. I'm sorry that I turned my back on you. Forgive me. We're helpless, Lord. For the sake of my family. For Tommy's sake. For Delmar's and pete's. Let me see my daughters again, Lord. Help us."

Delmar: "A meracle. It was a miracle!"Everett: "Delmar, don't be ignorant. I told you they was flooding this valley."Delmar: "No! That ain't it!"Pete: "We prayed to God and he pittied us!"Everett: "Well, it never fails. Once again, you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for intellect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened."Pete: "That ain't the tune you was singin' back at the gallows!"Everett: "Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydrelectric up the whole durn state. Yes, sir, the South is gonna change. Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a paying basis. Out with the old spiritual mumbo jumbo, the superstitions, and the backward ways. We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everybody a wire and hook us all up to a grid. Yes, sir, a veritable age of reason. Like the one they had in France. Not a moment too soon."

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