Tag Archives: emotions

I haven’t been on here for a while, because a circumstance in my life pretty much sucks right now. Out of respect for those involved, I am not going to divulge the details at this time. Besides, this post is not really about the circumstance itself. Rather, this post is about my response to the circumstance.

I’d like to start by saying that what I am experiencing is completely new to me. The torrent of emotions is a bit terrifying because they are so strong. At this stage in this current reality, I either feel everything, or nothing. I’m either fully engaged in my terrifying emotions, or not at all. I want to spend enormous amounts of time by myself. I don’t want to cry in front of people (because I am already prone to crying at the drop of a hat, I cry about this without warning or much provocation) and have to explain myself. I think you get the point that there is nothing in between either option. Everyday is a fight to stay focused on life. I have to be able to “do” my life according to it’s rules. I still have a son to love and care for despite the circumstance. I have a husband who needs my empathy just as much as I need his.

Life has taught me that new experiences feel awkward, strange, and scary. My brain has to store the new experience as memories and grow new neurons based on those memories so that the experience becomes familiar and part of my brain-scape. Perhaps this is why a lot people dislike change so much, because the new experience takes time to get used to. But, eventually one does get used to the experience. One mostly knows what to expect, and (mostly) how to respond. The stored memories and new neurons give us a structure to rely on.

Being the intuitive, introspective, deep-thinking sort, I will learn things from this experience. After the worst of this is over, I will be able to look back and see the blessings, the bad stuff, the I-never-want-to-go-through-this-again stuff, even the happy moments. Next time, I will know how to respond to the circumstance, and to my own emotions. Next time, I might be able to find a middle ground between the terror and the numbness.

Despite the difficulties, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow.

Did you know that? Did you know you are the master of your psyche, your internal universe, not it’s slave? Is that a brand-new thought for you? Well, that’s okay. Go on and read awhile and let the sun rise on this brand new seed I am planting in your garden of thoughts.

I thought I would address what I mean by “be an overcomer”. First, let’s define “to overcome“. According to the New American Oxford Dictionary the definition is:

(usu. be overcome) (of an emotion) overpower or overwhelm : she was obviously overcome withexcitement.

ORIGIN Old English ofercuman (see over- , come ).

The New Testament Greek word for overcome is Nikao, which means:

to conquer

to carry off the victory, come off victorious

of Christ, victorious over all His foe

of Christians, that hold fast their faith even unto death against the power of their foes, and temptations and persecutions

when one is arraigned or goes to law, to win the case, maintain one’s cause

“Overcomer” is not an actual word. But, if you go with it, it means to be a person that overcomes. A conqueror, a warrior, a fighter, a mountain climber. I think you get the point.

Yesterday, I talked about the idea that you can change something in your emotions and your way of thinking if you want to. Overcoming, or conquering, something requires a couple of key elements. First, you have to recognize that there is a problem to start with. Second, you have to WANT to overcome that problem. These two things go hand in hand. These two elements are linked inextricably together. If you recognize the problem, but don’t want to change, you, well, won’t change. If you want to change, but don’t recognize the problem you might as well be climbing up a mountain blindfolded.

Another crucial part of this process is to recognize that you have to be an active participant in overcoming. There is no such thing as passively overcoming a problem. You can’t “wait it out”. All the wishes in the world won’t make a problem “magically” disappear. Warriors don’t win wars by sitting on their couches and complaining about their enemy. Or by fooling themselves into believing there is no enemy. They see their enemy, they envision the battle and their role in the battle. They get to know their enemy’s ways. They train. They prepare. They get out there and fight back. That requires belief in the idea that you are an active participant in your psyche. You are the master, not the slave.

I had a bad day yesterday. It took extra effort to stay sane and focused and not allow the dissociation to overwhelm me. Writing what little I did write was very hard for me. The good news is that I have a counseling appointment with a professional tonight.

The healing journey can begin…again.

You know that expression “darkest hour is just before the dawn”? I am in that moment. I cannot see what is going on right now, nor what is coming. I simply trust that it is good because I have nowhere else to go. It is only the grace of God holding back the flood of emotions and feelings that can and will overwhelm me during my counseling sessions. They should overwhelm me in God’s presence, because that is the place of healing. My little 3-year old self cannot, and does not want to, hide any longer in the shadows. Now is her time to come out and be present. Now is her time to be part of the bigger picture I call my life. It is time for this final piece to come back to me and be part of my life.