I have officially changed my major to Fine Arts. And in doing so I go to a different branch of my college that is off campus. At the craft center, the whole place is different — it’s a completely different learning enviroment from the structured regimented classes on the main campus. This environment in turn breeds a completely different type of student. And all of the women there are TOTALLY COOL!! And there is one in particular I’m a bit sweet on. She and I hang out, and we just get along well. I was going to ask her out one day, and then we got to discussing age, my b-day is in a few days, as is hers. I was joking that since I was turning 20 that I would have to “grow up” and “get with the program.” She laughed and said that wasn’t necessarily so. Then I found out that … well, she will be 31 a week or so after I turn 20. Well, that TOTALLY threw a wrench in the works for me. But later we were talking and she asked me if I wanted to go to see “Something About Mary” with her cause she didn’t want to go alone. After the movie she and I went and talked for a while at a coffee house, my idea, then she wanted to get some beer, but my roommates aren’t cool with that so I took a rain check. We’d have gone to her place, but it is a half hour away and she was tired. We continue to talk.

Should I risk the relationship and ask her out, should I just sit on my feelings for her, or should I just go to her and say “Hey what’s up with us?” I have asked some of my more trusted friends and they don’t give me advice, they just kind of make robbin’ the cradle or “The Graduate” jokes. So well I must turn to you, oh great knower of things I don’t quite understand.

January 6, 2012

Readers will recall that Brad’s original predicament vaulted into Of the Week status the moment he recounted that the girl who wanted to hang out, hold hands, snuggle — and just be friends – went so far as to bake him a cake.(Thus serving up, for Brad, immense confusion, and for Breakup Girl, a veritable dessert tray of metaphors.). A week later, the frosting thickened, and our man B. got in trouble for being nice-guy-shoulder/pastry-chef — not, say, Boyfriend — for the women he desired. His unrequited cooky-baking had begun to take a toll-house on his will to love. THEN, Brad came back for BG-record-setting thirds, prompting a rather sugar-free response.

But now, at long last, Brad tests — and shares — a new recipe for romance!

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hello. Again. It’s me, and first off I would like to thank you very, very much for listening to me ramble and rant and cry and weep and moan and groan and bitch and scream “Oh my God, why me, why ME?” three times now. I promise you, if this was going to be another one of those letters, I wouldn’t be writing it. Instead, I would probably be off in the corner weeping softly to myself with my head tucked between my knees listening to Jewel or Amanda Marshall.

First off — Lynore.

I walked out to my car early one morning to go pay my tuition fees and as I got into the car, I noticed a note on my windshield. It was from Lynore, and it said the following:

“Brad — I miss you! I know (so do you) that I’ll NEVER call, but I really want to see you. I work at Rising High after 5 PM most weekdays and my phone number is xxx-xxxx. Don’t be a stranger! Love, Lynore.”

What would a sane person do? Well, I don’t know, but I fought with myself for a week and finally said ,”Let’s go see her.” Long story short, she hasn’t changed one bit. Five minutes into our conversation she made it clear that she wanted my pity (her boyfriend? That moved to Florida? Whose family she’s living with? He destroyed her self-esteem.) and she asked if I thought she looked okay. She said that she still loved the guy, whatever, blah blah blah, and that she just wanted to see me because I was such an understanding person, and that she needed someone to cry to. Okay, so am I wrong in translating this as “I want to use you as a doormat?” No thanks, Lynore. In fact, I’d just had another girl call me up after not speaking to me for two weeks. Why? Boyfriend problems. I finally just told her (let’s call her Janet) “Janet, look. If you really want to be my friend, call me on occassions other than those during which you’re sad or depressed, okay? Thanks.” She got really angry and hung up on me. No word from her since.