Parenting our Bee after infertility

Alice in Wonderland

One embie on board, and I don’t feel any different. In fact just massively underwhelmed – perhaps that comes with the territory of the past 6 weeks of buildup and action.

The transfer this morning was kind of cool I will admit. We met with the embryologist first to get the update on the embies – we knew we had lost one over the weekend, and they don’t have great hopes for 2 more, but we did have a good looking (if I do say so myself) expanding blastocyst, which according to the picture we saw was doing everything a 5 day embie should be doing. Then we went into the theatre, and what followed was kind of similar to a pap smear, although they did use an external ultrasound which allowed us to see the transfer – a shining white dot of air and embie deep inside the dark that was me. A quick check of the catheter to make sure it was all transferred OK and we were out of there. Back to work, back to real life, and it’s all seeming a little distant right now.

I’m not going to be doing any of that positive visualisation stuff – I’d much rather stay detached until I know whether it’s here for good. But I have found a description (like something from the Mad Hatter’s tea party) that I find reassuring. A uterus is apparently like a jam sandwich – the embie will be stuck in there nice and good, and there’s nothing I can do to shake it out. All in all, it’s pretty much down to it, whether it implants or not.

At this point it’s nice to know it’s out of my hands, and maybe that’s why it’s easier for me to get my thoughts back into work and our upcoming holiday. Will find out on Thursday whether we have anything to freeze.