A Test of Visual Acuity

[1] An eye chart is a test of visual acuity, of your ability to make out fine detail. If you can read the 20/20 line (which is eighth line on this chart) from a distance of 20 feet, then you have the ability to resolve fine detail. But to understand the fine details of a broken relationship, you measure the distance in time. Eventually, you can make sense of what went right and what went wrong. A committee created the standard eye chart. The letters are the same size, depending on the distance away from the chart you stand. The numerator is the distance away from the chart you stand, and the denominator is the distance a person with 20/20 vision (or “perfect” vision) can stand and still read the line. Twenty feet away, or two-hundred feet away, you would still look like the person who wanted to marry me. Twenty feet away, or two-hundred feet away, you would still look like the person who got high every day, started snorting pills, and told his friends that he was tired of dating someone who wouldn’t do drugs. Twenty feet away, or two-hundred feet away, you would still look like someone I was meant to love.

Two hundred days after the end of our affair, I learned your mother had died of cancer. I sent a card. Unsigned. I included two poems your favorite poet wrote. You had shared this poet with your mother. Then you had shared this poet with me. I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t acknowledge the card. You had told me that when you sever ties with someone, you sever ties with someone. No take-backs.

One hundred days after the end of our affair, Ani DiFranco cancelled her concert in Boston. She was sick. I hadn’t wanted to see you, even though I knew you’d be there, but I had wanted to see you, if that makes sense.