People in conflict naturally fall into what Scotwork terms the
Sumo methodology, an attempt to persuade, bully or haggle their way
to a conclusion. It is a “blocking” mentality designed to reduce
and/or eliminate what the other party is after. The preferred
tactic is Judo, which is more of an enabling mentality–finding a
way to give the other party exactly what it wants but on terms the
first party finds more than acceptable. My trip to the shopping
mall to buy my daughter a prom dress demonstrated how effective
Judo can be.

My daughter’s first prom was approaching and mom was sick so I
was “elected” to take her shopping. From my perspective, as
enjoyable activities go, shopping (unless it’s for a boat,
motorcycle or car) fits right in front of burning to death or being
eaten by a shark. Still, how could I let my daughter down?

My first proposal was to give her what she wanted (a prom
dress) without the unbearable pain of being buried alive at a mall.
I said: “If you agree that our first stop is Macy’s and we abide by
a six-store limit, I agree to take you.” Then she asked what the
basis of my proposal was. As we tell course participants, whenever
you make a proposal, be ready to answer this question or your
proposal loses credibility and falls apart. So told her that I
would not “shop ‘till I drop” (her preference) and that I have
discount coupons at Macy’s but nowhere else.

She found a dress at Macy’s she clearly liked (you could see it
in her eyes!). Naturally, I said, “Let’s buy it!” She put her hand
up and reminds me that I agreed to visit five more stores. Seeing
the real possibility of a happy daughter; and a very quick
conclusion to my day of (gag) shopping, I made a second proposal to
give her what she wanted on my terms: “If you agree to get that
dress, I will buy you a pair of shoes to go with it.” Being no
fool, she agreed immediately.

Some with whom I’ve shared this story argued that I cost
myself the expense of shoes by truncating my original proposal. Not
exactly, as we had to have the dress altered. So, I told the clerk,
“If you take another 20% off the price of this dress, I’ll have
these adjustments done after purchase.” Additional discount
achieved!

At the first shoe store, I think my daughter has caught on
because she readily identified a pair of shoes she likes. Again,
seeing the finish line just ahead, I said, “Great, let’s buy them!”
Again her hand goes up, and she reminded me that I’ve committed to
go to at least four more stores. So my next Judo proposal to her
was, “If you buy these shoes, I’ll also get you the handbag you
like.” Excitedly drawing agreement from her and saving myself four
more stores, I proposed to the clerk, “For an extra 10% off the
shoes, I’ll also purchase the handbag.” The clerk agreed. (More
Judo!)

My daughter got what she wanted, a new prom dress (and yes,
shoes and a handbag), the two stores got what they wanted (sales),
and I got what I wanted–significant discounts and maintaining my
sanity, having only to visit two stores!

Judo works!

Sandy Sbarra

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About the author:

Sandy Sbarra
Sandy joined Scotwork in March of 2001 and has since delivered expert skills training, coaching and negotiation advice to hundreds of executives and thousands of professionals. Sandy has expertise in health and medical, advertising, media, retail and professional service industries.

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