Different.

I have heard that word used a lot recently. Well, since I relocated to DSM. See…I’m getting hip to the lingo. Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what that word really means. I have heard it used regularly in the following contexts and I’m never quite sure how to respond:

1) Have you met Mary yet? She’s different.

2) Have you tried that new restaurant? Well, it’s different.

3) Do you like my new shoes? They’re different.

How the heck do I respond?! I don’t know if different has a negative or positive connotation in DSM. Should I say:

1) Oh yes I’ve met that Mary character. Boy oh boy is she different! And what’s with her hair?!

or

Yeah she seems interesting!

2) Yes I have tried it. What a disaster! I’ll never go back!

or

Yes I have tried it, they’re doing some crazy things with artichokes huh?

Throw me a frickin’ bone here Des Moines! How the heck am I ever going to make friends if I can’t even have a basic conversation? Does different have a negative connotation here? I get the feeling that it does but I’m not 100% sure. In NYC I never had to think about what anyone meant when they were speaking to me. If someone was pissed off at you they’d scream “hey, get out of the road a$$*@L^!!!” at the top of their lungs. I can’t imagine that ever happening here. I really appreciate your help, and thanks for taking the time to read this. Hopefully in a matter of days I’ll know how to properly use the English language and maybe if I’m lucky I’ll make a new friend or two as well. Can you imagine?!

I moved here from California and I’m still trying to figure it out! I find folks here nice but not friendly. In California it is the opposite – friendly but not nice. Please no haters as this is my personal opinion. Des Moines is a great place to live other than winter and no ocean!!

Ricardo, the notion that we do not want to offend anyone is nothing new for native Iowans. We go by the adage of “if you don’t have something nice to say, and you can’t do it with constructive criticism, it’s better to not say it at all.”

Iowans believe in decency and respect. It’s not a sign of weakness or fear, contrary to those in L.A. or N.Y. who are not afraid to voice their opinion negatively or positively.

We have no problems hearing a complaint or someone who doesn’t like or hate something, as long as you explain it in a way that is understandable.

As a native Iowan, my biggest pet peeve is when people mistake “Midwest (or Iowa) Nice” as weak and avoiding conflict.

Annick, this is so funny because the whole “different” thing is something I was warned about before moving to Des Moines. The way I’ve heard it used in most cases seems to imply the following “well, I’m not going to out and out say I don’t like it, but I’m not 100% sure I do like it, not yet anyway” or something along those lines.

I did take an Iowan to a vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco once, and upon her discovering that there was absolutely no meat on the menu, I do recall her saying “well, that’s different.” And I’m not entirely sure it was meant in a good way!