User talk:Nothing

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Hello, Nothing, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Nothing/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

I have this little tool called "checkuser", and what that shows me is that 1. you are using open proxies (generally frowned on). 2. you are likely to be the same person as ILoveBBQ (with some of your edits crossing over on the same IP) and 3. you have a nice little game of logging out and making some vandal edits. Hummmm... - sannse (talk) 18:29, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

I'd be glad to adopt you, as I adopt just about anybody who requests it. However, let me make it my first act as adopter to let you know that if the above conflicts happen to be true, you're likely not going to be staying around here for long. I won't bother to nose around in your stuff farther than the extent of your talk page, so as long as you're still around, I'll keep you adopted. Do try a bit harder to get on people's good sides though. After all, this is a family site. (/me goes to phone my girlfriends and talk about decorating and the punks skateboarding outside) -RAHB 22:38, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems.

"It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexyjanitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help.

After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage.

"Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia."

Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No."

When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG".

May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience."

Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge.

When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay."

In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true.

Cajek's Corner

By Dr. Skullthumper

Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need:

Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags.

A sense of humor.

Something to complain about for a page or so.

Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done!Next week: Whoring your article

Skull's Skullery

By Cajek

Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc!

Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "laughable belfry"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time.

Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week

#53 Too many users leaving.

Horoscope of the Week

Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place.

Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week

#97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children.

Sympathy Biopic of the Week

Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you.