New Sex And The City 2 Poster Rife With Hidden Rage, Daddy Issues

Taking a cue from the rebooted Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) franchise, Warner Bros. is intent on dipping into every warm-blooded male’s worst nightmare (no, not premature ejaculation) by releasing more Sex and the City 2 promos. It’s like eventually they’ll actually release a feature length production or something. LOL!

But I like to believe this installment won’t be about…well, whatever the Sex and the City franchise is about (women who shop and mood swing and whore themselves out, presumably). Sure, the new poster appears to have been designed in the same vein as the spirit of the TV show, with fabulously dressed women flexing their girl power while caught up in gusts of whimsy. But that’s because the filmmakers don’t want you to look closer lest you ruin the big, bloody, body-count fueled climax of SATC2 that will prove to be a twist rivaling even The Sixth Sense.

See that empty glint in Carrie’s eyes? Such deadening of the human spirit would betray her murderous intentions if it wasn’t for her left hand, caught up in the shimmery, silky fabric encasing her (which is no doubt representative of a prolonged ennui). But what you don’t see is the dagger clutched between her fingers, mercilessly gouging Samantha in the ass as if to say, “No more lap-hopping for you, hussy!” Indeed, the sluts always bite it fast and hard in these slashers.

And the chick in the gold dress? Note how she offers her swan-like neck for the slaughter, finally coming to terms with her rampant consumerism and how it’s reduced her to a hollowed-out shell of a woman. The gal in the purple shirt revels in her penchant for immoral low-cut tops and defiantly smiles in the face of death. It’s a sad, sad day when empowered women gleefully kneel before the Reaper like this.

Can Carrie be stopped? Or is she the next in a long line of fashionable psycho-slashers? Tune in May 27 for Sex and the City 2: The New Blood.