Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay forit. --Conan O'Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay LenoQ: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and apenitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats tosociety. The other is for housing prisoners. --David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? A: America! --Jimmy Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers. --Jimmy Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers"program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --David Letterman

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

As you probably have read in the paper today, Congressman Kanjorski's nephew Russell's company got a $400,000,000. tax dollar loan. This on top of a grant (a grant is just a free handout) of $9 million to nephew Russell's company, Cornerstone Technologies and also on top of $3 million grant to the same company that just got the 400 million.

To be fair, the $3 million grant was given to the company shortly before Russell was hired. I am absolutely certain (holy shit, the sarcasm, it burns) that the company getting a 3 million dollar handout from Russell's uncle had nothing to do with Russell being hired as a vice president of finance and marketing. I'm not saying anything funny went on but just picture that job interview. I imagine it went something like;

Interviewer: What qualifications do you possess that qualify you to be our vice president of finance and marketing?

Russell: well, let's see, I got a federal grant from my uncle, Congressman Paul Kanjorski, in the amount of $9 million dollars and started a company called Cornerstone Technologies.

Interviewer: I see, and what did your business do?

Russell: Nothing, we never made or marketed a product and I bankrupted the business in a few months.

Interviewer: Hmmm, sounds like you don't know jackshit about marketing or managing finances. Please tell me again what makes you think you are qualified for this position?

Russell: did you catch the part about my Uncle Paulie being a congressman? or the part about the $9 million?

Interviewer: No, er, mmm, no I didn't but you see Russ, the problem is the company is a little short of money to hire any new applicants right now. Should that change in the immediate future you seem to be the ideal candidate for this position.

While that interview is strictly a construct of my imagination, I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that those thoughts have crossed many minds. Flash forward to this spring and our hero Russell is in for his annual performance review (sorry, it's my over-active imagination again) and I can easily picture this conversation;

Russ's boss: Russ, times are bad, the economy is in the crapper, and frankly, you just don't seem to be working out.

Russ: did I mention that my uncle is friends with President Obama?

Russ's Boss: no, you didn't

Russ: well, just between us, in the beginning of summer, I heard that this company may be in line to get an almost zero interest loan from the federal government that as long as the comapny goes bankrupt, it won't have to be paid back.

Russ's boss: How much money will they loan us?

Russ:only a few hundred million

Russ's boss: that will buy a shitload of golden parachutes!! but how do we get to keep the money without paying it back?

Russ: assuming I am still employed, that would be my job and I am an expert at that. Did I ever tell you whatever happened to all those machines I bought with my first $9 million? well there's a bowling alley back home with a huge basement......................................

Is it enough already? Are we going to keep this monumental douchenozzle in office? Please lord, I hope the answer is no. Congressman Kanjorski, please consider your gift of $412 million of our tax money to your nephew your severance package.