I asked a while back what was the truest expression of love. Fiction and stories have always served to teach me. They make me think, and ponder scenarios beyond my experience. When I don’t have a book that perfectly suits a question I’m considering, I (sometimes consciously) devise a story of my own. That is the setting for the question I asked.

My initial scenario was a man and woman in love under oppressive circumstances who had several options: 1. Part and give each other up. 2. Part promising to be faithfully and exclusively devoted to one another despite separation. 3. Marry and face permanent endangerment or death as a result. So the questions are: 1. Is it better to sacrifice and let each other possibly find love elsewhere? 2. Is it more faithful to the feelings and nature of love to continue feeling for each other when all chance of enactment is past? 3. Is consummation so important to love that you would risk each other?

Suppose you’re in A Walk to Remember. Do you marry when your marriage is guaranteed to be short-lived? What if you’re in Pirates of the Caribbean? Do you marry if you know (which was, I allow, not the case in the movie) that the relationship will consist of one day in 3652? You’re a mother in Nazi Germany who has a chance of sending her children away to safety, but she’ll never see them again. (supplied by my mom): Or should missionary parents endanger their kids by discipling them at home or protect them by sending them to boarding school? Then again, is life and safety more important than a relationship with your parents?

Michael Card wrote “God’s only way is to give and to die.” I wasn’t only asking about romantic love. But I confess I’ve always got that under consideration, being interested in the subject. Seriously, I can see the usefulness of reading all the relationship books. Aside from personal application, I believe such subjects are fundamental points in the development of one’s relationship with God and others. Plus it’s Valentine’s Day, so I have an excuse – for today.

Gratification is doing whatever the feelings of love motivate you to do in a moment. This promises the most instant satisfaction, but it might be deceptive. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like hugging someone and decided I couldn’t, or shouldn’t, or more deeply would rather not.

Consumation would be a more long-term, planned and waited for climax of a relationship. It doesn’t necessarily indicate commitment, but it is a fulfillment of something hoped and worked for. What is the consummate activity of friendship, or of parenting? For some friends it might be meeting, or reading journals or going on a trip together. In Butterfly Kisses, Bob Carlisle indicates that the peak of parenting is when his daughter is given away in marriage. Consumation might be understood as the “truest expression of love” by definition. It might be too specific, though. Let’s keep exploring.

Commitment is, in this case, synonymous with faithfulness and loyalty. True love inspires commitment. There’s no greater gift to offer a person than your eternal devotion. Then again, what if the love is unrequited? What if there is eternal separation to match the eternal commitment? Then the commitment doesn’t mean anything.

Sacrifice. Obviously there are different levels of sacrifice. A guy who sees a romantic comedy instead of the latest Will Smith alien movie is being sacrificial (generally speaking), but that is not the truest expression of love. Maybe a bunch of little things all added together are the kind of sacrifice I mean. There isn’t opportunity for each of us to die for another to demonstrate our love. Romans 12:1 talks about being a living sacrifice, which is totally giving one’s heart, soul, mind, and strength to the purposes and good of another. Or maybe sacrifice is the answer in some instances and not others.

As I think about this, I remember love languages. I don’t even know what they all are. There is giving and touch, probably words, and maybe service. I’m still missing one. Anyway, this side of the argument points out that the motive is important, not the expression.

My mom kept saying “it depends” when I asked her this question. I wasn’t asking what was right or wrong, or the choice that should be made in a given circumstance. Perhaps my point is to show how those things can conflict with expressing love. Am I wrong? After all, God is love. Ought love to be the ultimate consideration? When faced with a choice between improving a relationship and improving the other person (making them good-er) in your relationship, which claim is superior?

I could invite a friend to ice cream because I want to build our relationship, and spending time is a good way to brick our relationship. Or it could be because I know they like ice cream and I want to brick them. Or I could be bricking myself because I like ice cream. So which is more important?Which is love?

There I go again.I can’t blog without asking questions.But to answer my original survey, if I were taking a test, I’d pick sacrifice.I can refute the others (to my own satisfaction, but I can’t necessarily prove my case).