Every time I try to lose weight (I am a former bulimic and since recovering have become overweight), I find myself slipping back into my old habits (following a diet and then giving in at the end and binge-purging). Bit worried since I'm going to uni in October and I thought this was behind me Advice? I want to lose weight (because it's unhealthy, and I am actually overweight), but I don't want to go back to that

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It's not easy - and i'm still learning this too, but the only way is to not feel restrictive or deprived and not to overthink! #1 is living. That is the most important thing. The most important thing is how you feel - more important that numbers or calories or anything else so temporary. So with that in place you also need to allow yourself to not feel guilty about enjoying food. Often we give in a little bit and then feel like we've totally screwed up and binge. It is completely inevitable to have little slip-ups on a diet so don't get into the all or nothing mindset. You CAN eat things you enjoy. You can have a sneaky jaffa cake and have an 'oops oh well' moment. I find if i'm feeling a binge coming on it will only ever last 20 minutes every so often over a few days so distraction away from food is the key. This is your weakness so you have to kind of parent yourself and look after this vulnerable side of you.

And thank you for this, writing this down has made it a bit easier to tell to myself

that implies there is an exact or ideal to base an average around, but no such thing exists. We are beings of intense diversity and scrupulous detail, and as such I am as normal as a biscuit is normal. Rich tea, hobnob, digestive, they're all plain, normal...

Different.

We assume a succinct staple. 2000 calories a day. 2500. *******s. I am a man at 28 years. My caloric intake per day should be 1900 to maintain my weight. Screw convention.

Every time I try to lose weight (I am a former bulimic and since recovering have become overweight), I find myself slipping back into my old habits (following a diet and then giving in at the end and binge-purging). Bit worried since I'm going to uni in October and I thought this was behind me Advice? I want to lose weight (because it's unhealthy, and I am actually overweight), but I don't want to go back to that

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Same.

I even entered a comp to lose weight. It's coming towards the end and guess what, I've sabotaged all efforts by going on a 5 day binge (Really want to pull out, I had 12 weeks to make a change and in that time frame I've cycled between restrictive dieting and extreme binge/purging - what a tool !). Frequent gym sessions and going back on my diet to undo the damage is obviously a flawed way of thinking but there's nothing else I can do.

I feel so fat, ugly and self-obsessed!

(Original post by Cinnie)
And thank you for this, writing this down has made it a bit easier to tell to myself

I remember you saying you were thinking of going back on medicine. What stuff where you on just out of interest?

that implies there is an exact or ideal to base an average around, but no such thing exists. We are beings of intense diversity and scrupulous detail, and as such I am as normal as a biscuit is normal. Rich tea, hobnob, digestive, they're all plain, normal...

Different.

We assume a succinct staple. 2000 calories a day. 2500. *******s. I am a man at 28 years. My caloric intake per day should be 1900 to maintain my weight. Screw convention.

Listen guys - nothing is "normal".

All that exists... Is you. And you are unique, wonderful... Perfect.

This made me happy I'm gonna have to remind myself of this more often.

Ok, I'm currently in recovery for anorexia and have found that in ONE week I've gained 18 lb!!!! In one week! HAs anyone else found weight regain at this rate? I have been snacking like crazy...do I need to tone it down? Also, is it all real weight, or water weight? Because I certainly look a lot different, even in this short space of time. And will I continue to gain at this rate? I'm so scared!

There is an absolute counterpoint out there in spirit that finds my exact lumps, bumps and imperfections the most attractive form in the universe, as does theirs, to me.

My form might be different from yours, or Mr T, or Michael Jackson, or Mohammed Ali, or Daniel Craig. But somewhere, perhaps 10000 miles away, or around the next corner, there is someone who values my form as perfection.

We're the perfect representations of our individual selves; nobody is like you. And you're so, so lucky nobody else is.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, I'm currently in recovery for anorexia and have found that in ONE week I've gained 18 lb!!!! In one week! HAs anyone else found weight regain at this rate? I have been snacking like crazy...do I need to tone it down? Also, is it all real weight, or water weight? Because I certainly look a lot different, even in this short space of time. And will I continue to gain at this rate? I'm so scared!

A lot of it is water weight; relax! I put on a stone in water weight and then it all came off now my weight appears to be dropping too fast even though I'm eating almost normally. Recovery is confusing!!
But congrats on stepping onto the road to recovery, you should be sooo proud of yourself!

The first 2 days I was all 'Woo, meal plan enthusiasm, look at me eating all this food!' and my mum was reminding me about snacks and making sure I stuck to it well.

Then reality hit and I'm struggling Mum has stopped reminding me to eat or encouraging me and I'm back to missing things out etc.

It's so ANNOYING - I WANT to recover but some stupid, irrational, horrible part of my brain isn't letting me. And I know that sounds crazy but it's true. Like right now, mum said I had to have dessert, as per the plan. She offered me 3 high calorie options and a low calorie option (why?! why give me this option?! I know I am a grown adult who should be capable of saying 'The low cal option will not benefit me in the long term, so I shall ignore that choice and have a better dessert' but I can't seem to do this yet, grr) and when I chose the low calorie option she had no problem with it.

Why am I intent on self destruction? It's not mum's job to stop me...what is wrong with my brain Please, guilt, go away. I want to be normal.

The first 2 days I was all 'Woo, meal plan enthusiasm, look at me eating all this food!' and my mum was reminding me about snacks and making sure I stuck to it well.

Then reality hit and I'm struggling Mum has stopped reminding me to eat or encouraging me and I'm back to missing things out etc.

It's so ANNOYING - I WANT to recover but some stupid, irrational, horrible part of my brain isn't letting me. And I know that sounds crazy but it's true. Like right now, mum said I had to have dessert, as per the plan. She offered me 3 high calorie options and a low calorie option (why?! why give me this option?! I know I am a grown adult who should be capable of saying 'The low cal option will not benefit me in the long term, so I shall ignore that choice and have a better dessert' but I can't seem to do this yet, grr) and when I chose the low calorie option she had no problem with it.

Why am I intent on self destruction? It's not mum's job to stop me...what is wrong with my brain Please, guilt, go away. I want to be normal.

Have a little word with your mum and tell her how you feel; my feeling is that she's just happy to see you eating regularly and doesn't want to push you too hard at the initial stages but ease you into this slowly. This absolutely doesn't make you a failure! Remember an eating disorder doesn't just appear overnight and won't disappear overnight either; it's about taking baby steps and making little changes. The worst thing you can do is rush into this too fast. Just congratulate yourself on how regularly you are eating compared with before and you should be extremely proud of yourself. As time goes on, give yourself new challenges, try new desserts but please don't beat yourself up if you can't manage it until later on into recovery. I think your mum is afraid to push you and is giving you space to do this in your own time. Perhaps she didn't realise how she was actually helping you with her regular reminders and encouragements. I'm sure she'll be more than willing to help if you tell her how much you appreciate it; after all she loves you to bits and just wants to see you better.
Massive congratulations to you and keep posting to let us know how you're getting on! Fantastic to see someone doing so well, gives hope to a lot of people

Binged because I feel selfish, getting wrapped up in how I feel (always strangely tired and tense) rather than reaching out to others and I'm not trying to help people out on the boards as much as I used to.
I'd say I was doing really well because I wasn't b/ping or restricting but if I'm honest I was cutting or at least clean-bulking in a very mildly obsessive way (still been going out, even ate out at Pizza Hut, Frankie and Benny's and MacDonalds?! but the rest of the time dieting pretty strictly ffff), lying to myself all the same...
Bloody hell I just wanted to be reasonably fit and healthy so it wouldn't prey on my mind and learn how to cope with emotions without turning to food, but before I know it, can't stop measuring my bf%

Going on holiday in two months to Florida, tried my new bikini on this morning and I thought I actually looked quite good. Now I'm trying to eat three meals a day without binging or purging, today is the start of my 'holiday diet' and Im struggling already. I had a cereal bar for breakfast and all I can think about now is leaving work early, going to the supermarket, buying a load of crisps, chocolate, biscuits, burgers and chips and eating it all and then throwing up. It's so hard, I can almost taste the food in my mouth and I can't see how I'm going to make it through the day but I cant really afford to take any more sick days so i cant leave work early even though it would be so easy to pretend I've got a migraine and leave. I hate being obsessed with food, I hate that I've had breakfast but still all I can think about is stuffing my face, I dont want to go on this holiday because I'll feel so self conscious by the pool and my boyfriend is coming on holiday and he's the one that bought the bikini for me and it cost £50 and Im just going to look fat in it and he'll think, wow what a waste of money and I know I'm panicking now and my mind is going too fast, Im sorry to anyone that reads this.

Going on holiday in two months to Florida, tried my new bikini on this morning and I thought I actually looked quite good. Now I'm trying to eat three meals a day without binging or purging, today is the start of my 'holiday diet' and Im struggling already. I had a cereal bar for breakfast and all I can think about now is leaving work early, going to the supermarket, buying a load of crisps, chocolate, biscuits, burgers and chips and eating it all and then throwing up. It's so hard, I can almost taste the food in my mouth and I can't see how I'm going to make it through the day but I cant really afford to take any more sick days so i cant leave work early even though it would be so easy to pretend I've got a migraine and leave. I hate being obsessed with food, I hate that I've had breakfast but still all I can think about is stuffing my face, I dont want to go on this holiday because I'll feel so self conscious by the pool and my boyfriend is coming on holiday and he's the one that bought the bikini for me and it cost £50 and Im just going to look fat in it and he'll think, wow what a waste of money and I know I'm panicking now and my mind is going too fast, Im sorry to anyone that reads this.

But you looked good in it this morning right?

Only you have the power to stop B/Ping, you'll feel amazing when you finish your days work and KNOW that you're strong and able to resist your urges.

Binged because I feel selfish, getting wrapped up in how I feel (always strangely tired and tense) rather than reaching out to others and I'm not trying to help people out on the boards as much as I used to.
I'd say I was doing really well because I wasn't b/ping or restricting but if I'm honest I was cutting or at least clean-bulking in a very mildly obsessive way (still been going out, even ate out at Pizza Hut, Frankie and Benny's and MacDonalds?! but the rest of the time dieting pretty strictly ffff), lying to myself all the same...
Bloody hell I just wanted to be reasonably fit and healthy so it wouldn't prey on my mind and learn how to cope with emotions without turning to food, but before I know it, can't stop measuring my bf%

Frustrated.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time you spend so much time on here inspiring others with how well you're doing, it's only natural you will get lapses like this sometimes. It's hard work and it's full of ups and downs.
Stay strong and focus on your achievements; don't dwell on any failures. I read a quote the other day that "failures are just signposts on the road to success" and this is true. Because you will successfully overcome this.
Love yourself and love the fact you are a human being not a superhuman. You need support now and then and you need to love yourself. You're on the right track and you won't come off it, you've come too far now.
Take a deep breath, forgive yourself and start afresh. It's never too late *hugs*

(Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time you spend so much time on here inspiring others with how well you're doing, it's only natural you will get lapses like this sometimes. It's hard work and it's full of ups and downs.
Stay strong and focus on your achievements; don't dwell on any failures. I read a quote the other day that "failures are just signposts on the road to success" and this is true. Because you will successfully overcome this.
Love yourself and love the fact you are a human being not a superhuman. You need support now and then and you need to love yourself. You're on the right track and you won't come off it, you've come too far now.
Take a deep breath, forgive yourself and start afresh. It's never too late *hugs*

Ahh, right again as always Disenchanted. It's only because of this I've figured out how much I value altruism.
But Idk, self-interest is still a bit of an alien concept to me. I feel like I shouldn't be on here sayting what I've been doing, I should be spurring you all on. Which yeah I do, but not nearly as much as I did back in the earlier stages of recovery. I should shut the hell up really and cheer everyone on...
I also feel awful because one of my friends has been so kind to me, keeping in touch when others haven't, but the poor guy's got ADHD and sometimes he will just talkkkk. There's no room for me to butt in and it's hard to follow everything he says and come up with, because he also happens to be a very smart nerd :P I admire and love him, I really do, but some days I just don't have the energy to talk to him. That seems really cruel of me though, like I say I feel terrible for it

It's confusing. For tonight, I'm a bit better now and hopefully going to let myself go to bed at a sensible time rather than about 7AM haha
How've you been the last week?

(Original post by MelissaJayne)
You know you're getting over your ED when you get to the end of the day without remembering/knowing or really caring about what you've eaten that day

I love this. So much. I just wish I could be the same... I'm technically recovered but still not moving on. But it's so lovely to read about other people making real progress, certainly gives me hope that one day it won't have to be something that bothers me!