Just because Christmas is nearly upon us again, I don`t want any of you thinking that being Santa Claus is just about scoffing mince pies and knocking back gallons of cheap sherry from Lidls on Christmas Eve!! It`s an all the year round job with lots of presents to make, reindeer to look after, and the inevitable problem of “elf and safety” issues from time to time!

With such a busy schedule to maintain I occasionally have to ask some “mature” gentlemen to help me out and I know that on your beautiful Island one of my colleagues occasionally has to stand in for me at The Busy Bee Christmas Grotto. I have explained to him that in keeping with the strict Department of Education guidelines he must never ask children where they live as we obviously know; courtesy of my new smartphone app which enables me to find everyone on Christmas Eve apart from the children in Lower Ventnor where there is little wifi reception!! He is also under strict instructions NOT to ask the children if they have been “good” throughout the year because if their behaviour has been even slightly wayward at times it can obviously be psychologically damaging for them if this is brought out into the open!

The gentleman standing in for me at Busy Bee has told me that in previous years he has had to cope with a variety of problems on a daily basis that have ranged from; terrified screaming toddlers to stroppy teenagers, and a hen party who arrived from the pub en route to a Spa afternoon and all wanted to film the bride-to-be dancing with Father Christmas!! Later that same afternoon he was asked if a rather large lady could sit on his knee while her mother videoed her asking Santa for a “quick divorce and a new fella “for Christmas!!”.

On Christmas Eve the reindeer have a long and stressful journey round the world and Rudolf in particular always welcomes some nourishment and refreshment on the way. If you are contemplating this they would love some carrots, hay, or perhaps an apple; but probably not the chicken nuggets and battered sausage that little Amy was intending to leave them last year!!

I feel I must now be getting back to the toy workshop where everyone is working twenty four hours a day in order to fill all the stockings, and I really must get that order off to Amazon for some of those latest Star Wars figures! So it just remains for me to wish you all a VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS and PLEASE remember to let the fire go out in the hearth before I come down your chimney on Christmas Eve!!