Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn’t cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil.” –Jay Leno

“There’s been a lot of speculation but now it’s clear that Joe Biden will run for president in 2016. In an effort to appear presidential, today Biden launched a website that doesn’t work.” –Conan O’Brien

“One of the contractors who built the Obamacare website testified before Congress today. You can tell he built the site because any time they would ask a question, he would freeze.” –Conan O’Brien

“German Chancellor Angela Merkel said the U.S. would have to regain her trust after the NSA eavesdropped on her cellphone. You know things are bad when we’re being accused of having boundary issues by Germany.” –Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No,” I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No,” I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!’

Answer: Broadcast News! In my opinion, the best screenplay of the decade, by James L. Brooks. This line is spoken by a rather inebriated Aaron Altman (Albert Brooks — no relation) watching Tom Grunick (William Hurt) on the network news. Tom tends to overuse alliteration in his copy, a fact obviously not overlooked by Aaron.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘That must be one hell of a planet you people come from!’‘

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

One hot afternoon two friends were out relaxing on the back porch.

“Would you like some iced tea?” one man asked his friend.

“Oh yes as long as it is good and cold.”

The host then brought his friend a large glass of iced tea and dropped two small ice cubes in it.

His friend took a sip and remarked, “It’s not very cold.”

“Give it a minute,” the host said.

The iced tea then appeared to start boiling. After a minute or so the ice melted, the boiling stopped, and the glass was ice cold.

The man took a sip and thanked his friend for the very cool drink.

So what made the iced tea cool in this unusual way ?

ANSWER: The man put dry ice cubes in his friend’s drink. This gave it the appearance of boiling as the ice melted. This also super-cooled the drink in a short time.

It’s a great holiday party trick. Just don’t swallow the ice – very dangerous.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Eagle-eye Ixolite, the world famous dart player, was at an exhibition match and was showing off to the audience.

“I can throw a dart and it will hit the board anywhere I want!” he cried. “Where on the board shall I put my next dart?” he asked the crowd.

A small boy came up to Eagle-Eye and passed him a slip of paper. Eagle-eye, who liked a rebus, took one look at the note, threw his head back and laughed, then threw the dart. Where did it land?