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Monsanto to Open Genetically Modified Scallop Farm in New Bedford

In another controversial move, Monsanto Company has decided to enter the very lucrative scallop market and open business in New Bedford. The company purchased the entire New Bedford Harbor and has plans to shut the Hurricane Barrier to make the entire harbor a ‘natural’ scallop farm.

“Who knows the New Bedford harbor better than Monsanto?” stated spokesman Jim McSanto. “We provided the PCBs to the companies that polluted the harbor in the the first place. Our genetically modified Scallop or ‘GMS’ are completely resistant to PCBs in the harbor. Not only are they resistant, they actually thrive in the toxic environment allowing them to grow to the size of watermelon.”

Monsanto has been a leader in the Genetically Modified Organism (GMO) market producing crops like corn and soybean, but their products have recently been banned in Europe and all 50 U.S. states except Washington D.C. The company has been looking for new markets to enter even though revenue has doubled thanks to the endless hunger for GMOs politicians in Washington D.C. seem to have.

“New Bedford took in $411 million in scallops last year,” McSanto continued. “But the boats had to travel hundreds of miles burning valuable fuel and go after a crop that has a government imposed catch limit. With our scallops the boats never have to leave the harbor and we’ve got the government already on our payroll so you won’t have to worry about catch limits.”

Reaction has been mixed in the New Bedford community. “The size of a watermelon? Really?” Said John Santos. “I guess as long as it brings jobs to the city and lessons our dependency on foreign oil I’m all for it.”

Are you kidding me. Yea lets add more poisonous foods to the market
Scallops the size of watermelon?
Your people’s brains are the size of a pea. You actually think the fishing industry is going to allow these cancer food making experts to come into this polluted town and open up a sea scallop farm
Fuck off., This will start a war. Watch and see the outcome. The only thing that will be growing in the harbor will be the body count !!