Krusty Burger to offer 50 cent steaks

"Buy them fresh from the truck, fast frozen or cooked to perfection, our steaks are 100% cruelty free," said spokesman Herschel Schmoikel Krustofski.

Asked how choice cuts of steak can be cruelty free, the clown responded, "They're pharmed not farmed."

"We grow our steaks in huge sheets in the lab," said Krustofski. "We're making a killing not killing! Hey hey!"

Animal rights activists are undecided on the issue. Conservatives demand that stem cell and cloning research cease and desist while liberals demand the process to replace animals with biofood alternatives becomes law.

"If there ever was such a thing as Soilant Orange," pondered a PETA spokeswoman, "laboratory production is the new Green meat."

The American Energy Association announced today that a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.
According to the AEA, US dependence on foreign...

NASA experts, have concluded that this universe was created by advanced life forms that live outside of the universe.
"We have found conclusive evidence of their existence," said Ellen Stofan, NASA chief scientist.
While mission control, was c...

Darmstadt, Germany-Scientists were astounded today when the Philae Probe spacecraft, which has miraculously landed on Comet 67P, right away sent back pictures of a microscopic civilization located on the surface of the comet!
What was probably mor...

In 1776 Marie Curie invented radiation. In 10,254.543 BC, Grog invented the bonfire and shortly afterwards, the Bar-B-Que. In 1935 Moe slapped fellow Stooge, Curly, repeatedly until he came up with a vision which would eventually lead to the creati...

The booming pseudoscience industry in the USA has recently got a huge boost, as one Young-Earth "Creation Science" Institute has made an earth-shaking and absolutely unprecedented breakthrough.
Yes: apparently, contrary to previous, less empirica...

Tanzanian - After the disappearance of several albino people, blonde bombshell Lady Gaga comes out to say that theories on human intelligence must be correct.
"We need to find a solution to the problem and fast," says Lady Gaga.
Armed gangs of...

Many early adopters of Apple's new iPhone6 are finding the lightweight aluminum frame combined with a tight pants pocket can actually cause the phone to bend.
Users are noticing bending near more vulnerable spots, such as near the side-buttons.