I said it last night and I’ll say it again. Los Matadors exist because the WWE writers know the internet likes goofy shit. Ryder – Funkasaurus – Fandangoo – Los Matadors in another 6 months look for Big E to be repackaged as the Cool Aid Man. Oh yeah!

Love the point about Randy the over-explainer. I was talking to my wife during the show about how Randy is the least subtle man in history. The best example of Randy’s unsubtlety goes back to a promo on Rey Mysterio about Eddie Guerrero after his passing.

It was something to the effect of: “You keep talking like Eddie’s in heaven.” Pause. “Eddie ain’t in heaven.” Pause. “Eddie’s down there”. Point to the mat and pause. “IN HELL.”

“And then he gives her a very simple threat — she should move the wedding up, because Bryan has a match with Orton on Sunday and is gonna get hurt — but cannot let it lie. He has to explain in excruciating detail to make sure Brie understands that BEFORE Sunday Daniel will be fine, but AFTER Sunday he won’t be, because of X and Y and outta-nowhere Z”

The only reason they have Cessaro do that old school swing move still is because it went viral. It ended up on The Soup just like the whole “Fandangoing” thing did. They see dollar signs, they’re rolling with it. Bleh. I just wanna see Cessaro vomit after swinging some dude around. THAT would be more interesting…

@themosayat if I’m not mistaken that’s the UFO and HOLY HELL DO I WANT HIM TO WHIP THAT OUT (phrasing), especially to a bigger opponent. He is a straight up video game character, and I love him to death for it

I’ve been thinking for a while that Brandon is WAY too hard on the most well-respected guys in the company. Lately it’s been mostly Daniel Bryan. Yet Randy Orton finally does something worthwhile and suddenly he’s fucking Ric Flair.

It might do to lay off because it is what it is at this point, though Mr Snrub is right. Maybe Punk’s the worst wrestler to ever have two multiple ***** matches–if that makes sense. It’s not all bad because the high knee in the corner I always think is badass.

@MrSnrub (God I love that name): I’m mad that Brandon has an opinion that differs from mine, that’s not allowed. But I thought his match with Brock was really crisp without feeling staged. I think that Cena is sloppier, actually. I think Punk is the second-best worker in the company behind Daniel Bryan.

@Hobbitcore: Eh, he’s still saying Daniel Bryan’s IN-RING work is awesome, just that his character is leaving something to be desired. I agree somewhat, Bryan’s character HAS been inconsistent. But his in-ring work is A+++. And I LOATHE Orton, he still bores me on the mic but he’s NEVER been this good in the ring. Though that will change once it’s not about making him look good anymore.

@Fantasticsoap I think it’s subjective, there’s stuff Brandon doesn’t like and stuff he does. I think there’s a bit of backlash against Punk right now because he’s separate and he’s isolated in his story. But I LOVED the match Punk had with Big E (and pretty much every match he’s had post-MITB 2011 with the exception of the Curtis Axel matches) and think that he’s among the most consistent, best workers on the show: it’s basically Daniel Bryan and then him.

I absolutely agree with the fact that Punk, while actually good at wrestling, just doesn’t seem to make too many moves look really good. I can’t get around that friggin’ clothesline. That elbow drop sucks. The only time his roundhouse kick ever looked good might’ve been when he did it to Axel last week in that brawl. I still love Punk and love watching him wrestle, but it’s a fact that a lot of his moves look sloppy as hell. I like to think Ambrose is similar, but he just doesn’t do many moves of that type and stays within his comfort zone, while Punk already established himself as some master technician or whatever, so you can’t have him not do cool looking shit, except (well, at least for me, I guess) he rarely actually makes it look cool. Or, well, at least effective.

I was really hoping that Los Matadores’ manager would’ve been “El Matador” Tito Santana, but that was wishful thinking.

Big E super sold the GTS, which makes me wonder if there’s a secret program inside of NXT that’s strictly teaches selling moves. because between Ziggler (FCW alum), Ambrose, Big E and Rollins, they have it down to a science.

I had no issue with the whole Heyman proposal thing, until I thought to myself “did he do this with Curtis Axel somewhere? And is there a chapel at the old ECW arena where people become officially Paul Heyman guys?”

My favorite part was when CM Punk asked Maddox “you don’t even get entrance music?” a thousand bests from me for that one.

Also, the average Universe member wouldn’t care a bit if we had male-on-female violence on the reg, just like in the Dudleys’ day. In fact, Big Show punching Stephanie’s damn head off would probably get a bigger pop than him punching Triple H. So the only controversy would be in “enlightened” places like With Leather.

Wrestling’s in no danger of being taken seriously ever; and whatever pretend outrage Fox & Friends might come up with wouldn’t last long. They’re a little busy with the Fall of Western Civilization right now.

but big e was already with AJ and was protecting her from kaitlyn and layla (before she turned) for 6 months, and no one complained … he’d just stand there ! and they’d freeze and not hit her anymore. other times, he’d hold kaitlyn up and out her in the corner and tell her to knock it off like an adult would act in a real life situation.

Man, I did not like last night’s show. I think my main problem is that I don’t like any of the faces.

Big Show continues to be a weeping, walking contradiction. Daniel Bryan is trying to be Daniel Tosh. CM Punk’s feud with Heyman no longer makes any sense and Punk was pretty heelish last night. Los Matadores is stupid and racist. Ziggler, Kingston and R Truth all just kind of exist.

None of this is exactly a rallying cry to really get behind these guys.

I partially agree. Bryan’s sarcasm is annoying but I’ll take him over Cena and 2012 CM Punk any day. I wish we’d see a bit more of Summer 2013 Punk than we are now but he’s still pretty dynamite. The Rhodes are awesome and for the first time in forever I like Show as a sympathetic character. I also disagree with the majority who have disliked Zigglers face turn. Just my two cents but that’s the most faces I’ve liked at once in forever.

I probably go the other way on Bryan’s sarcasm. I think being a life long Spider-Man fan means I’ll always enjoy a good guy who snarks on his enemies on some level, even if the jokes are bad. But I loved how he went off on Orton. Then again, I loved face Rock and Jericho back in the day.

@Tywebb: Sure he’s not as bad as Cena and Punk, but, it’s kind of stupid that he has to change his personality now that the focus is on him.

@Brad: I loved Jericho and Rock back in the day too. I think the difference between Bryan and those guys is perhaps delivery. With Jericho or the Rock, they said their stuff and you’d laugh or whatever. With Bryan, you just kind of cringe and you kind of want to smack him for his condescending voice that he always uses. Rock and Jericho usually had different tones throughout their promos.

I guess it just seems too scripted and inorganic as opposed to how he was speaking a month or two ago.

the only faces I’m 100% not hating at all are the usos and the rhodes currently.

daniel bryan is nearing natalya level of me not enjoying him and I’m scared to my core ! I really, really want to enjoy him !!! I seriously do ! but all he got is wrestling, and wwe isn’t allowing him in fresh matches ever … I feel like I saw bryan vs shield like 39 times this year … and we’re getting our 5th or maybe 6th orton vs bryan next (I’ve lost f*cking count).

Show’s going to have to punch a lot more HHH memorabilia before he gets to Flair’s level. I’d love if that became his thing, though. He could destroy a merch stand every week, like a one man Memphis brawl!

D-Bry v. Cena was so, so good. D-Bry v. Orton is good too, but Orton is the better part of the feud, somehow. I love D-Bry’s in ring stuff as much as ever, but man, Orton’s turn to evil is keeping this one warm.

I’m honestly hoping Torito becomes more popular than Los Matadores and breaks off on his own. That does not seem that far fetched given how underwhelming Primo and Epico are. The absolute best thing would be him replacing Sin Cara and no one noticing.

I don’t think anyone here is going to go along with the idea that we’re supposed to like the Bellas solely because they’re on a reality show, and hate AJ because she’s jealous, crazy, and has kissed four guys. I could probably meet them half way if not for their stupid taunt.

It’s their third attempt at trying to make the Bellas faces. This time, it’s by association. The problem is, like the Miz, the Bellas keep acting like heels so it doesn’t work. And natural breasted Bella is probably going to get more heel heat when she ultimately pleads Daniel Bryan to not wrestle anymore or whatever.

My theory is that the first generation of the Cenation are awkward teenagers who are expanding their horizons and becoming smarks. The only way to show off smarkdom is by letting everyone know that you know who the ‘real’ names of the wrestles.

CM Punk’s gimmick is wanting a thing he can never have. He wanted respect, and he had John Cena come out every week how he didn’t grasp for moments like everyone else did. He wants to beat the shit out of Paul Heyman, but now matter how many times he does, it’s not enough. I’m giving them too much credit, but yeah, it makes sense to me.

I’d extend the Alberto Del Rio rolodex into a Memento thing where he’s got horrible short term memory and the only thing he can remember is “Jobber X murdered your wife.” That’s why he kicks jobber ass with no MORORSE, he inexplicably had a different car in every town and eventually no car at all because he forgot he even had a car. If we go back long enough we’d learn that he planted “Don’t trust Ricardo” in his notes, while Ricardo is the only person who knows of his awesome ailment.

Bryan and Brie are both wrestlers, correct? Couldnt she have jumped on Randy’s back and try to wail on him even if it was pathetically? If they were both cops would she just yell Stop it! while a killer tried to take down her partner? Just another subtle way for the WWE to shit onthe womens division, making the #1contender as equally useless as the Miz’s mom.

What’s the end game if Brie jumps on him, though? There’s no way he doesn’t violently throw her off, because she weighs, like, 50 pounds.

…Actually, I like that idea. Maybe if he did something heinous to Brie, all the girls in the WWE Universe would stop shrieking in approval every time Orton’s music hits. They’ve got to do *something* to solidify the boos.

I thought Brie Bella was really bad in the last segment. She was more “girl whose boyfriend is a dick frat guy getting in a fight” then “girl whose boyfriend is about to be murdered”. Also, she’s too damn skinny.

that is the biggest mystery coming out of this show for me ! I can’t stop thinking about it !! I’m researching all wrestlers in the indies and in NXT and FCW’s histories to find something, but I couldn’t reach anything yet …

Would it offend Brandon that I like Kofi Kingston but have still been reading the column on a regular basis for about a year and a half now, maybe longer than that? Or does that fact make me even smarkier? Is smarkier a word? Should I be concerned that I only think I know what smark means, but am not a hundred percent sure? Do people consider me a troll because I don’t care enough to actually have an avatar? I am chock full of questions tonight. I think I am going to continue drinking my molson and ponder this. Not pondering the fact I like watching Kingston wrestle though, sorry you won’t get another convert on that note.

I don’t think you’re really being fair to Bryan. He’s the top guy right now, he’s got to go out there and say something every week. It’s difficult to do that as a face. What can he say other than “I’m the best at wrestling and I will beat Randy Orton.” I mean that’s not going to fly every week, it’ll get old. Or maybe I’d just like it better if you just acknowledge you don’t like WWE structure period instead of making it seem like it’s Bryan or Punk’s fault when they move up to the top wrung. He’s the same guy he was a couple weeks ago he just has to talk more now.

I’ve always found that point to be interesting. If you look at characters that are actually well received bad asses on T.V., they get what, like 6-8 hours of screen time a year? Top WWE faces might be over that in two months if we include PPV’s. It’s just flat out tough to maintain interest.

or that they aren’t as good on the mic as guys like sandow or enzo amore (in bryan’s case), or are never comfortable as good guys (in punk’s case), but you can still be a good guy and be interesting (like cody rhodes).

But I think ultimately it’s a lot easier to be a heel than a face. Heels can lie, they can tell the truth, they can weave all sorts of different tactics into what they say. A face is kind of boxed in to the types of things they can say. It’s easy to sit at home and shit on people for not saying different things every week, but if you were the writer for a top face could you honestly think of better things for them to say? The role kind of limits it.

It’s still way too lazy. I’m sure that the friggin’ wrestlers themselves can come up with a promo that doesn’t seem as lazy and like same old shit they’ve been peddling for a month and still get a crowd reaction and sell t shirts or whatever. Daniel Bryan had like 2 or 3 promos on Smackdown in the past couple of months or so, and they were all better than anything he said on RAW in that same time. So, either Smackdown writers are better, or at least not as lazy as ones on RAW or they’re just so terrified that the crowd will turn on their main character if they dare go outside of the same boring ass three point promo style they do every single week, so the only time when they can actually act any different is on a taped show. And there really isn’t that much of a difference, he just changes it up a little bit and make’s it look like at least he isn’t doing the same thing every time, and that’s all I’m asking.

IMO, the reason for Bryans lame sarcastic promos is because they think its the best lead in to the “Can i win the title/beat A? bit,Then YES YES YES, which is basically what WWE is interested in, as it generates the most response. Thats largly why i think his promos suck so much

WWE has this rare talent of making me less interested in guys i used to mark out to via sheer laziness and overly commercial mindset.

Btw, if im looking at the big dropoff in sales for SummerSlam this year compared to the last one, i can at least understand them trying new things with Bryan because as much as his YES shtick is over with the live audience, that had no significant bearing on PPV buys or Ratings, so i wouldnt exactly say they are making money out of him just yet.