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These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

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Outsider

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. I'm in Year 7 and I have anxiety/OCD.

I guess my main problem in life right now is the fact that I feel like I don't belong in school and that I have very few friends. Of course, amongst the friends that I do have, they're all very supportive and kind. But honestly, life in primary school was so much easier/more exciting. I was School Captain in Grade 6, and the transition between last year and 2018 has been a difficult one. In Term 1, for example, I came in to the grade trying my hardest to be voted Class Captain. I was constantly trying to maintain an attitude that I knew everybody would appreciate, as well as helping others as much as I could.

So I was devastated when I wasn't voted as a candidate.

This kind of situation sounds so petty when I put it into words. But it hurt me a lot, and it's sucked up a lot of my motivation for 2019.

I've also been bullied twice this year - something that's never, ever occurred in all the years of my life. I'm seriously doubting the advantages of this school.

I want a fresh start, but I'm worried that everything's just going to repeat itself again next year (2019). I feel like, no matter how hard I try, all my efforts to be appreciated/noticed/liked are totally wasted. Not that I want to be 'popular' - I just want to be recognized as somebody more than an outsider.

The school is always advertising positive qualities and funds and charities and whatnot - something that my old school never really did - and yet I feel like I fitted in more in primary school than now. I'm honestly not sure what to do. I'd never even wanted to come to this particular school in the first place.

I know that I should be grateful that I have an education - the academic standards of this school are actually very high. I feel that my grades have improved quite a lot since last year.

Busting yourself in effort can often lead to expectations. If we aim too high we get let down. If our efforts in school are not directed wisely, we will get let down too.

Unfortunately in every period in life this effort stuff that doesn't lead to reward is very common. Imagine this years candidates for the Prime Minister ship and how all but one got let down? Imagine applying for the perfect job at 20yo only to realise a/ you were one of 200 applicants and b/ you were second choice...you missed out!.

So of course it is a big deal because we have to learn how to accept defeat. Except it isn't defeat if you look at it in another way, the positive way. For example- if you feel happy for the person that became Class Captain and you devoted some time in helping that person carry out their duties...that would be rewarding and a nice fruitful attitude to have. There is your reward, personal reward, helping others. Seriously, helping others is, like I'm doing now, one of the most beautiful and wonderful feelings anyone can possess in their heart.

I don't think changing schools will benefit you to the point that you hope for. In fact it could add other issues you don't know about yet. "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't" as the saying goes.

How far you go in school is up to you and your parents/carers. But I'd suggest that it's too early to think about that now. You might be better off to think about focusing directly on your studies, also choosing your subjects and reviewing your hobbies and interests. That focus will take away thinking about negative issues like the bullying and false hopes.

We cant all be class captains but each one of us can be good people that doesn't have a label or badge.