all good things are wild and free

How could my love not be enough?

Who would be so cruel to to this to us? To him? I don’t want him in the arms of “Jesus.” I only want him in my arms for the rest of his life, which should be a long life, where he belongs. I don’t want to watch this cancer eat away at his little body while I can do nothing about it except for sit back, watch it happen, and keep him as pain free as possible. I don’t want to have to go home and explain to my twins that their baby brother is hurting and that the medicine is not working. How the fuck am I going to do that? This baby is their entire world and he completed our perfect family. There was always something missing until he came along. He has added so much happiness and laughter to our lives and now we just get to sit back and have it taken away from us? That is bullshit and I am so mad. If prayers really worked, my son would be healed because I have been on my knees praying since the day this happened, day and night, night and day. And I know thousands of you have done the same thing as well. Why isn’t it working? Who would be so cruel to take away this precious gift of mine? How is possible that there is nothing left to do except enjoy the time we have left with him? I feel like a failure. I failed my son. How is it that my love is not strong enough to save him because I have never loved anything more in my life. I’ve fought so hard to keep him here and now what? It doesn’t matter because as Dr. Mosse said, we may only have weeks left with him. How in the world can this be true? What am I going to do with not hearing the little pitter patter of his feet running around the house? What am I going to do not having his big blue eyes to look into? How am I not going to hear him say, “Mom! I love you to the moon and back?” How am I not going to crumble up and die?

How do you plan a funeral for your 3-year-old? I’ve already started that process, sending out crazy texts to Tricia and Fernanda blabbing about how this has to be something different, it cannot be a circus, it has to be small because Ronan never liked a ton of attention. Nobody is to wear black, everyone has to wear something colorful and bright because that is what Ronan brought to our world. All I want is a miracle and to not have to think about any of this, but we are facing our worst nightmare and have to be prepared as we do not know what the future holds. If the future holds my Ronan leaving this earth, well that is something more than I will know who to handle. And I don’t want to hear about him “earning his fucking angel wings.” I HATE THAT SAYING. No child should ever have to earn their wings; ever.

I spent most of today cuddled up in bed with Ro. He was back to his feisty self, playing and had his bossy boots on all day long. We have his pain controlled. Woody and I both spent the day taking turns breaking down. We seem to balance each other out so well. He would cry and I would be strong, and vise versa. He sat and stroked my hair while telling me that there is nobody he would rather go through this with than me. We made this cancer with Ronan such an adventure, enjoying New York and taking on the world while never letting go of hands. Somehow, our love for each other will get us through this. It just has to. My husband is too good of a man and I refuse to fail him too, but all I really want to do is dig myself a deep hole and never come out.

I’m sorry . I’m not very inspiring tonight as I just feel a ton of anger. I really need to punch something because this is so not the way I saw things going. I was always so sure that Ronan would beat the crap out of this disease. I still feel that way. I am not leaving his side, ever again. I’m not going running, shopping, to the movies, or out of my fucking house unless he comes with me. I will not miss a second of being with him. I will hold him and love him and kiss him until he gets annoyed and tells me to knock it off like he often does. I will not give up.

We are flying home tomorrow thanks to the most beautiful family that has been put on this earth. You know who you are my dear, sweet girl and I hope you know how grateful we are. Please give your hubby an extra big smooch tonight as you two are absolutely the most selfless people I have ever met. Who else in the world would make such a thing like this happen at the drop of a hat? Nobody. It is because of you, that we will get to bring our very sick, precious boy home without the eyes of strangers on us and with him being as comfortable as possible. Thank you, Dolly. I love you.

As we get home, there are so many of you that we would like to see, but we have to keep things at home as calm and peaceful as possible. So, if you would like to stop by, please call first and don’t be offended if we tell you no. It’s not out of anything but love for our son and we have to make sure he is as comfortable as possible. A lot of people and house guests seem to do nothing but stress Ronan out and that is the last thing we want to cause. We need this time together, more than ever. And please, if any of you see our twins, don’t mention anything about this to them. Woody and I have to be the one’s to sit down and somehow find the words to explain this all to them. This breaks my heart more than anything. We will do our best as parents but nobody can prepare you for the conversation that is about to come. Just thinking of the look in their eyes is enough to kill me. Our family was never meant to be a family of 4. NEVER NEVER NEVER.

I am so sad. Sad beyond words. All I want is to get Ronan home and back with his brothers. Back to his house. No more clinic visits or hospitals. Enough is enough and the only things that will heal him will be a miracle from above. If my love could save him alone, we would not be in this situation. I will never understand how my love has not been enough.

Thank you all for your continued love and support. We will keep fighting and do whatever it takes to make Ronan the happiest little boy on this earth. We will never give up on him.

Love you all.

xoxo

And P.S. FUCK the royal wedding. Really, 16-64million dollars? That makes me sick to my stomach. This world needs to get a clue as to what is really important in life. All that money could be spent in such a better way, like saving the lives of millions of children. I’m embarrassed and ashamed for them. I hope their child never gets cancer and they never have to deal with something like this. With all that money, a cure could be closer to being found.

How could my love not be enough? was last modified: April 28th, 2011 by rockstarronan

58 comments

Stacey BoltzApril 28, 2011 - 11:29 PM

You are amazing. I know you don’t care about that and just want your son to be well… I don’t even know you and I read this and I am bawling. This fucking sucks for you and I am so sorry. I totally get it the love part… the little boy part… it’s all so amazing. Every ounce of what I have is in my heart for you right now… hang in there. You are an AWESOME MOM.

I am so angry, sad, and hurt and going through my tissues as I challenge myself to write something to you that I would want to hear finding it impossible to imagine being in your pain and in your shoes as the mother of one son who is her entire world . . .

Why aren’t my prayers working with the outcome of keeping Ronan alive, a child and family I have never met in person though who lives in my heart? I am angry at a world that has created childhood cancer in epidemic proportions. I don’t practice judeo-christian belief and religious systems in my heart; yet I have been programmed by them nonetheless.

I can write you something inspirational and I can give you words on a page though they will not end your pain and perhaps even make your pain worse. . .

Instead I cry with you . . . and admire your strength, perseverance, determination, protection, honesty and I send you love. . . I am so sorry. This is so unfair. I read your your post tonight burst into tears and shrieked oh no. My husband asked what . . . it took me minutes to breathe and ask what do I say to a mom who is planning a funeral for 3-year-old . . .

Ronan has touched so many of our lives, so deeply and you and your family have educated so many of us . . . I want him to stay here with us too.

My heart is so heavy. It’s beating out of my chest. I wish that I can do something so that Ro can be healed. It’s not fucking fair. No child deserves this.

We’ve never met. I live in Chandler. Somehow I came across your blog months ago and have faithfully followed. I’ve come here every day to read your daily updates. I’ve prayed every single night for your beautiful family… for Ronan.

Ro has captured my heart. His beautiful blue eyes are so captivating.

As a mother I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I want to hug and hold you. Hug Ro. I’m sorry that your family (any family for that matter) has to deal with childhood cancer. It’s not fucking fair! I have hope for a miracle. I prayed so much that CHOP would be the place for healing. I’m mad for what you, your families and Ro is going through.

I’m so glad you and Woody have this love for each other and I pray that you are both strong for each other. Each other’s ying and yang. I can’t even imagine how the twins will react when you have to tell them about precious Ro.

My heart is sad and my soul is angry for what Ronan and your family is being put through. You and Woody are amazing people and parents. It is an honor to have met Ronan and to know Woody and you. All that I have and can give is yours.

Ditto to everything Stacey said. I may not know you personally, but from what I’ve read here, you’ve left no stone unturned and done everything you could for your little rockstar. I’m driving everyone around me nuts with talking about you and your family, but as you have said, unless we talk about it, childhood cancer doesn’t get the attention it needs. Looking forward to being able to assist however I can from the other side of the world. Lots of love and hugs to you all!

Maya,
I don’t have the words to bring comfort!! I will continue praying for him and all the sick children.
Would it be ok to send gifts? I know ronan likes star wars. What abt ur twins, what r they into? Where could I send it to?

Maya, I am so sorry that things have not gone well but its not the end and never give up I’ve seen miracles happen and like you I still believe Ronan can beat this.Keep up the fight and I and everyone who reads this blog will be praying our hardest for a miracle for your family

I am in agreement with you. If and I say “If” you actually do have to deal with Ronan’s leaving you, you need to have a “Celebration Service”. A time where everyone celebrates his life and everything about Ronan. I’m too angry and too sad right now. I just keep praying for the sweet little boy with the cape and boots on. One of the most beautiful little boys in the world.

You can and should be as mad as hell, look what this dumb ass disease might take from you. You shouldn’t have to feel like you have to please anyone but your family at this point. Do what you, as his Mother feel is right and nothing else. You are so right about the Royal Wedding. If they spent the money from the overblown bullshit and the millions of people who crowded the streets each gave $1 for childhood cancer, can you imagine all the people they could help?
The world seems so selfish when something like this happens to someone like beautiful Ro.
You obviously can’t & don’t want to show any of your boys how angry you are so put all of it into your writing on this blog. Everyone can take it and will try to understand, although unless we were in your shoes we never fully will. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK this ugly dumb-ass stupid fucking
disease and FUCK FUCK FUCK what it is
doing to Ronan.
If he asks for anything, anything at all please post so I can send it to him. I know everyone would send him whatever his little heart desires so please let us know.

You are truly amazing. I’m sorry you and Woody and your family must endure even more pain. I can’t imagine how scared you are to have this conversation with your boys. I know you find the words. I wish you safe travels home with your little amazing man. Thoughts and prayers always coming your way.

I am so glad you wrote this post. It is honest, raw and it blessed me to read it. To see that you are not super woman, not always positive. I am praying my ass off for your little one. This is just plain awful. Cancer Sucks!
You dont have to be positive and inspiring, you were not made to be a robot and to always go with the flow. You are built to ask questions to get mad! Thank you for sharing.

Hi Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I just came across your son’s webpage yesterday because someone posted it on my daughters page.

I cried reading your post and cried even more when reading this recent post. Mom I have to tell you that although some of our situations our different, I could have totally written exactly what you wrote, because I feel all the same way. F— the royal wedding (which were exactly my thoughts when someone asked me).

My heart, thoughts, love and prayers are with you and your family and especially Ro during this time. Although I don’t know you, I feel like I know you through your recent posts because it all seems like something that I would write.

I tagged your comment from another parent that has a child with Neuroblastoma. I, too, have a child with Stage 4S neuroblastoma. As I sit at my desk reading your blog, my tears have wet my shirt and my heart is saddened for you. There is no answer for what happened to our sons with having this nasty disease. I haven’t asked why my son. I did blame myself when I did nothing. I gave everything to God, since I have no control over this thing. We have warriors fighting this battle though they’re not alone. We have become warriors too. No one will say or do anything to ease what you are feeling and I won’t even try. I can’t put myself in your shoes at this moment. Just know, you are strong. You will know what to do. God made special women mothers of children with cancer. I know I’m going to do everything possible to fight for a cure. All my prayers are with you and warrior Ronan, and your family…another neuroblastoma mother…Kim

Maya & Woody,
Our love & prayers pour out to you. It’s such a beautiful thing to see our community come together and share love,light and prayer. My kids wear their Ro power bracelets and speak so highly of him and they have never met him, that’s How powerful this little light of strength and power is. Arturo who lives in Ixtapa will travel to the church of miracles and pray for Ro.

M&W,
There are no words to describe your close friends and family! All of your angels are with your family now. And that’ Your close friends & family.

Dearest Maya and Woody,
You are the most wonderful parents and Liam, Quinn and Ronan are so blessed to be your children. I am very proud of each of you.
Thank you for being you, for your blog and for allowing us to be part of your extended family as you have been traveling this road. You have taught us all so much about unconditional love, fighting for what you believe in as you fight for those you love with all your hearts, how to stand up for ourselves and not accept something because someone is a “person in authority”. I recall the first eye doctor you saw and you knew this doctor was not for Ronan and you stood up and said NO. I am so very grateful to you all for the lessons you have taught us. As I have read along, I have seen a family beyond all families – a family filled with love and strength, a family who focus on their family.
As you said, Ronan will show you the way. He has been doing this all along this road as he has shared his great love and he knows how much he is loved. Ronan has been teaching you all great lessons on how to live, love and be loved. You have given Ronan the greatest of gifts. While I cannot imagine all you are going through emotionally, I along with many, do feel your heartache. Thank you for setting boundaries and pulling together as a family, especially now as all your love and energy should be focused on yourselves.
You all have helped the doctors, nurses and technicians by teaching them how to do their job better and with more compassion. Once my young son was sick and we went to urgent care and the doctor told me nothing was wrong and sent us home. Several hours later we returned as my son was sicker, and when the doctor saw me he said, “You are my guilt trip for today. Since you were here earlier, I have had several other children with similar symptoms.” I looked at him and could hardly contain myself as I told him, “No one knows a child like their Mother and if a Mother brings a child in and tells you they are sick, you really need to listen to them”. When the doctor did a throat culture, my Charlie threw up all over the doctor and I felt better. Hopefully that doctor learned a valuable lesson that day!
When my son died, he worked with a woman to make a memory book. Charlie, age 8, drew all the pictures of special memories of his brother. When he was finished he presented his book, dedicated to his family, to us and now 17 ½ years later that Memory Book remains a great treasure to us. My family has survived our son’s death and I believe we are stronger today.
Some will say God never gives us more than we can handle and I really don’t agree with that statement. I believe God will help us handle what we are given and I have every confidence all of you will survive this, somehow, though it will not be easy.
Your family will do this together. When you are ready, you will bring great works to the world of Neuroblastoma through Ronan’s Foundation as the change you have hoped to make in this insidious and devastating disease will be changed.
Please know you are all much loved and prayed for daily. You will know what and how you need to do things.
Thank you!!!!!!!

I know you are angry and you have every right to be. The way things are headed is not how things are meant to be. I am so very sorry that you, Woody and the twins have to go through this and unfortunately it will get worse before it gets better. I am praying for your strength, not only over the next weeks, but the next year as well. You are an amazing mom to all of your children. You are an inspiration to so many of us- you will never know. You will get through this, but its is going to be tough… ask your therapist about an AlphaStem (it changed my life). I am praying for Woody’s strength because as the leader and man of the house he is in an uniquely challenging place. I am praying for Liam and Quinn as they will need lots of help dealing with this… I know you don’t want to hear it and it doesn’t make it easier, but God is with you. Maya, when the walls are caving in, and the sadness is so heavy it buries you, keep putting one foot in front of the other, do one productive thing every day and try to use your hands (even if it means vacuuming or getting a punching bag)…I know that sounds silly but it will help. You are already doing the thing that is most important- loving your son and you are doing it exceptionally.

Maya,
Mom to Mom, my heart aches for you and has been aching since I read you were returning home. I sat in front of my computer and cried and cried. My 2 year old climbed up in my lap and kept asking “Ok Mom? Ok Mom?” All I could say was “Yeah Baby, Mom is OK” and then he would give me the sweetest of hugs. But really, NONE of this is OK. Just thinking about your pain and sadness takes my breath away. I don’t even know what I could begin to say to you to bring comfort or lessen the pain. It is just not fair. None of this makes any sense. It’s insanely crazy and I still cannot believe it’s true.

I’ve never met you or Ronan, but reading your blog has been something I’ve done daily since I’ve heard about Ronan, and I couldn’t help but love your family. He is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen and you are the best, most amazing mom, ever. I’ve had the horrible experience of watching cancer take my dad away from me and cancer is the most horrific, cruel, nasty, ugly, hateful disease. There is no way anybody deserves to have cancer, especially your beautiful little Ronan, or any child. No parent should ever have to watch their child suffer from this disease.

I reminded myself during the difficult times that “If He brings you to it, He will being you through it” and “He does not give you any more than you can handle”, but those words don’t even seem appropriate to say to you. I wish I could say something or do something to fix all of this, but I can’t. I can’t offer any advice or even begin to understand what this nightmare is like because I have never been through what you are going through. That makes me feel so helpless. I ask myself a million times a day – what can I do to help? The only thing I come back to is I can love your family and pray for you, all of you.

So know that I am loving your family and praying for you, all of you. Ronan, the most beautiful, bravest little boy ever, You and Woody, the most amazing, loving, caring parents ever, and the sweetest big brothers, Liam and Quinn. I pray for all of your family and your friends too, and I am still praying for a miracle for you.

Mom to Mom, Maya, I pray for you. I wish there was something I could do, or say, to fix all of this. I wish this horrible freaking disease never existed. I am thankful to you for sharing Ronan and his story. I hug my boys and squeeze them tighter and kiss them more than ever before. I used to tell them I love them “forever and ever” but now I tell them I love them “forever and ever and to the moon and back.” I smile and think of Ronan every time I say that and I always will.

i have never liked those sayings either: “everything happens for a reason” and “earning your angel wings.” i mean, sometimes horrible, cruel things happen for no other reason than pure, terribly bad luck. and angel wings DO NOT belong on children’s backs except when they are on earth. and of course you don’t want ronan in jesus’s arms. he belongs in your arms!! i am completely baffled and deeply saddened that there is nothing to be done for this precious child!!!! and it just breaks my heart that your love cannot heal him. but i am still believing in his miracle and not giving up and i know you are not giving up either. gosh, i wish there was something to be done. we support and love you even though we have never had the chance to meet you. i am utterly disgusted that this is what is happening and my heart is breaking for all of you. and i don’t blame you for not feeling strong right now. feel how you need to feel and honor yourself and where you and ronan are.

I’m so sorry all of you are going through this. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now, but I do know the pain that comes after. I know that it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you all can get through this. Don’t let anyone ever tell you how you ‘should’ feel or what you ‘need’ to do. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and do it on your own time. For some of us, that means hiding away for a long time. For others, we seem to work through it in a short time while still having setbacks from time to time. Even 8 years later, there are certain things that send me back to the day my daughter died.

I know it’s not what you want to hear right now or even think about, but there are some things I want to share that I wish I had known 8 years ago. Get handprints or even a full hand cast. They make kits that you can get at craft stores. Most are for babies younger than 3 months, but they will work for older kids too if you have enough of the stuff. It may sound silly or unimportant right now, but later, it will allow you to still hold his hands. It’s still not the same, but it can help when the worst of it hits. I’ve also had many friends who kept an article of clothing from their children in a plastic storage bag. It still had their smell, so they could open it from time to time. It helps some, but makes the grief harder for others. Like I said before, do what YOU feel you need to do.

I’m still praying that a miracle comes your way and Ronan is healed completely. You are so right that it’s not fair that the brightest spirits of this world leave way too soon. And no matter what anyone says, I just can’t see how any place is happier or better for a child than being with their mom. There is no good reason for any of this, for anyone to go through this. I hope that you are all able to find some happiness and joy with Ronan in the coming weeks and that the miracle we all are praying for comes about.

I feel at a loss for words for the second day in a row…I could hardly sleep last night, so angry that this could happen to such a precious little boy. Ronan has stolen the hearts of so many of us, and I’m sure I can speak for thousands of us that our lives have been touched by him in a way we never imagined. All without ever meeting him. I’m thinking and praying for Ronan and your family every minute. You’re an incredible mom and you have done everything in your power for Ro. Give that little guy the biggest hug in the world, a million times over for all of us who have been reading his story and have come to love him and your entire family.

Been trying very hard to come up with something “inspiring” for you. After battleing my own cancer recently I know how heart wrenching it is. But it was so much harder for my family than for me. I wish I had something to comfort you, but the only thing I can think to say is that you guys are making a huge change in many people, and I want to thank you for sharing this most personal and heart wrenching experiance. I wish that you didnt have to, but am thankful that you choose to share. By doing so you have shared Ronan with the world, and his big beautiful blue eyes and quite strength will NOT ever be forgotten, whether or not he is taken now, in a few weeks, or years from now. My prayers and thoughts are with you, as are my church familys as well…

Is it okay to be pissed off at God? It doesn’t matter…because I AM! After meeting you and Ronan at PCH and following your blog these past 8 months, I have been in total denial as to “this” becoming reality. As a PCH volunteer,I have mentioned before that I have had the honor of meeting lots of kids and their families, but no one has touched my soul like Ronan has. I just found out that he and I share the same birthday too. 🙂 I will continue to think of your family and send love and light your way.

Still hoping & praying for a miracle for your beautiful, precious little Ronan. I will also continue praying for you, Woody, and the twins. I can’t begin to imagine your pain. You are a wonderful family and the love that is so evident in your posts will sustain you. Give Ronan as many hugs & kisses as he can stand and let him know his fans think he is the biggest rockstar in the world!

Maya,
I have been following your blog since a fundraiser at yogurtology in October. I have been keeping Ronan in our hearts and prayers. I am beyond sad to read the recent post and wishing there was something I could do. I know an amazing lady who makes the perfect cakes. She would love to make a Starwars one for Ronan. I know your time is precious but if one of your friends read the comments, please contact me to see if we can make this happen.
XOXO
Nadine
480-388-0272

Oh Maya, my heart is breaking for you and your family. I love you for your honesty, for your grace, for your strength, for your courage.

I love you because you are a mother, just like me, loving your child with everything you have. So, yes, you have every right to be pissed off, angry – I am pissed off and angry too.

I have never met you, but I feel like I know you because of the amazing power of your words. You are a warrior, and so is Ronan. I am praying EVERY DAY for the Lord to bring the peace you need in the days ahead and for comfort and freedom from pain for Ronan, but most of all for the MIRACLE that will take his awful disease away.

Thank you for being who you are, for being the kind of parents that Ronan, Liam and Quinn deserve. Thank you for letting us into your battle and giving us all the opportunity to know you and your beautiful, amazing family just a little. I know I have become a better mother because of you.

I somewhat know what you are going through..with a recent tragedy in our family also..always asking .. why? My heart is still breakin for what you are going through..my prayers are for your strength and Ronan’s comfort. I am so thankful he came into your family..so sad though that he has to leave you all way too soon…what more can I say? There really aren’t words but you know others really care, if that helps at all. So very sorry Maya..praying the Lord will hold your hand continously.

My heart is breaking for you. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. Yet I can’t stop crying for you, for Ronan, for Woody and your boys. No one should ever have to endure this. There’s nothing I can say to help, or take the pain away. Nothing. Just know that we care about each of you so much. My name is Mari. My husband’s name is Andrew. Our boys are Andres and Damon (both 14), and our daughter is Sophie (3). We are your neighbors. We are your friends, and we want you to know we are here for you in anyway that we can be. I’ve shown Sophie Ro’s picture and she wrote him a letter while you were in New York. I hope he got it and knows that he’s got a friend in Sophie.

This is completely unfair, I am so sorry.
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my mom to Leukemia 2 years ago, and I struggled during her treatment and after we lost her getting people to understand the tragedy and pain of cancer. Your words and incredible strength accomplished what so many have been unable to do; show people what goes on behind those big doors in the “scary” part of the hospital. I hope you publish your blog, I hope it becomes a book for people to read and gain insight, but more importantly I hope for Ronans miracle.

I am so sorry, it cannot be said enough that if anyone could they would make this nightmare go away.
-r

We are gravely disappointed, heavy in heart, and mutually floored to hear such news. Our son Evan was Ronan’s roomie at PCH. Ronan and your family have been in our minds and prayers. Ever since our event, I’ve been bookmarking every latest break-through in cancer treatment. I’m not a person that wants to instill any false hope, but I must share what I know and any positive findings for whatever it’s worth. The world is a big place and even doctors can’t know everything.

I am moved beyond words every time I read your blog. I’m not sure how you are able to so eloquently write your feelings and just feel privliged that you share. There is nothing I can say that can help and I know that. I wish there was. I will never understand the pain that you have unless I too am in the same situation. Words are just not enough to express the sorrow I have for you, Woody and the twins. You are an amazing person Maya. You are strong Maya. Ronan’s love as well as Woody’s and the twins will fill you up.

Ronan is an amazing little boy. Your entire family is amazing and I’m sorry if you are sick of hearing all of these words. They probably don’t mean a lot to you. But I feel like I need to say them. I am angry, as well. I am angry for you. I’ve seen too many children suffer with this disease, too many families asking and begging and pleading with god to help them. And it doesn’t work. Something needs to happen, something needs to work.

After I graduate from high school this May I will begin my college education. I plan to go to medical school. I want to do anything and everything I can to help these kids. Something has to happen. Something has to change.

I have not been able to think about anything for these past 2 days… thinking about how much we all take for granted. I went home last night and hugged my kids extra tight and kissed them extra hard, knowing that they are such precious gifts. I’m SO sorry for what you’ve been going through for the last several months. I was sure he would make it through this too, with all your love and everyone’s love and prayers. I will boycott the Royal Wedding in Ronan’s honor. Stay strong and don’t think that you didn’t do enough! You did WAY more than enough! You are a great mom, full of love and you will continue being such. Love and prayers always and forever!

Maya – you have surely not failed. Do you know how amazing you are? You were able to take your son all over the US to the most knowledgeable doctors in the world for this disease. Although I’ll never understand why the journey must end here, you have done everything in your power and beyond to ensure your son had the best chance. You have not failed.

I feel so sick that I can’t do anything. I want to shake every doctor that has to have just fallen as deeply in love with Ronan and tell them they need to fix this. We need our baby Ro to be with his mommy and daddy and his best friends, his brothers. Peace, Thompson family. I’ll probably never meet you but you forever have a piece of my heart.

Words can not expressnthe sorrow I feel as I read the blogs of the last few days…Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Although, I have never had the priveldge of meeting Ro I clearly rememer Woddy at that age running around with this Superman Cape, saying cute things to his Mom and being so so smart.

I can’t imagine the loss of my chld without the loss of my mind along with it. I did experience a great loss when I was in college. The loss of my sister, 18 months yoounger at the hand of a drunk driver. What I can tell you from that experience is that it takes time to get over the devistation and your prospective about life is changed. My dad, who just turned 88 and has now has alzheimers, told me that it took faith and many years before he felt like he was himself again.

My prayers, my thoghts and all of my love are with you on this day and always, I have it heard it said that God only gives you what you can handle…I questioned it when I lost my sister and I question it now…

I remember Woody as being an amazing person. He exudes it. So, it is no doubt that he picked an amazing person to share his life with. You chose eachother and have stood hand in hand to face what life brings your way. After reading your posts, I have no doubt that you will still be holding hands, knuckles white & fingers bruised, when the storm passes…no matter what kind of beating it decides to deliver.

You will survive this because Ronan’s life has given you power. That power will reside in you even when you have no fucking idea where it is. You have used it to get you to this point and it will continue to carry you.

My hearts breaks for you. Myself, my family, friends & the aquaintances I have shared your story with will continue to pray for your miracle.

Maya, I have thought a lot about you and Ronan the past couple days and have been at a loss for words. All I can say is from following your posts and Ronan’s journey, you both are amazing, beautiful people. You are a wonderful mother and have been a warrior for your son in his battle against cancer. You have not failed…you have done everything humanly possible to cure him. I have a 3 year old daughter and could only hope that I had a quarter of your strength and perseverance if I was also faced with the unimaginable. My thoughts, prayers, and hope for a miracle are with you, Ronan, and your family.

While I do believe in miracles, I want to share this with you no matter what. One of my friends lost her 3 1/2-year-old 3 yrs ago very unexpectedly and found an amazing community and support system in the Miss Foundation. She is now a HOPE mentor with MISS. Get in touch with her if you can and she will get you in touch with the counselors who work with families in this horrible space you are currently existing in. Her name is Billie Freiwald. Her number is 480-239-4804. Feel free to text, too.

Maya and Woody, I have been think about Ronan and your family non-stop the last couple days. All I can say is I am sad and sorry this has happened. A post above from Elle mentions hand cast or prints and saving some clothes etc. Those are good ideas if you’re open to it. Also video and audio recordings. Maybe record his saying “mama, I love you to the moon and back”. Whatever some of his sayings are, try to get some recordings, you will cherish those forever. Any up close photos of his face, nose, ears, smile and his beautiful eyes, of course. All these things may help you.
My father passed away a couple years ago from cancer. One thing that was really tough on me was how quick things progressed. In our case, my father went from being alert, to sleeping the next day, for most of the day. Each day got progressively worse. His voice changed overnight! We were told he could live for months and it ended up being 4-5 days. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get you down even more than you already are. I want you to be aware that things may move even quicker than you may imagine. I hope we get a miracle and he recovers. I pray he lives a long life and beats this shitty disease. Please don’t miss out on any opportunities that you currently have available. We love you Ronan! Godbless you now and forever.

You and your family have touched my heart in a way that it has never been touched…As I have said before, we have never met but I work with Marissa’s mom. She spoke of your beautiful Ronan and told me about your blog. I have been following it ever since and right now I am so angry that I could scream. I am going to make a promise that I will help raise funds and awareness for the Ronan Thompson Foundation and childhood cancer. Your family is forever in my thoughts and in my heart…

What is happening to you and everyone is your family is not fair and it is not right. It is frustrating and it makes me angry. A world of strangers stand behind you and support you. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for making me a better parent.

We recently learned of the Gerson Therapy. Below is an excerpt from their site. It’s where I will turn if cancer knocks on my door.

Keep fighting! Rock On Ronan!

….The Gerson Therapy is a safe, natural treatment developed by Dr. Max Gerson in the 1920’s that uses organic foods, juicing, coffee enemas, detoxification and natural supplements to activate the body’s ability to heal itself. Over the past 60 years, thousands of people have used the Gerson Therapy to recover from so-called “incurable” diseases such as cancer, diabetes, heart disease and arthritis.

Today I received a health email about a clinic in Baja California, Mexica that has been very successful treating Neuroblastoma. It is called Hope4Cancer Institute. The article talked about their success in curing a four year old boy with stage four Neuroblastoma. Their phone number is 888-544-5993. They cure their patients without using chemo, radiation, or surgery.

[…] her blog here. If I had to pick out one post that sums it up for me, it would have to be this one: “how could my love not be enough“. Just imagine for a second being told that thee is nothing more that can be done for your […]

Fuck the royal wedding? Seriously, is the States looking at the UK to find the cure? God knows we are trying. But, think. A mother losing a son and a son losing his mother – there is soul destroying pain in both scenarios. Why would you swear on someone else’s happiness?? Especially when it is not your tax dollars – you could start by swearing at the cost of a USA Presidential campaign… 6 BILLION dollars in 2012 (Reuters)…. leaves me speechless, how about you? Royal wedding was a bargain 32 million dollars.

What you are doing is AMAZING but know that what they can do will be amazing too – Duchess of Cambridge to be an ambassador for children’s hospices – in the UK news today. They cost a lot but we put up with them because they do more good than harm… can you say the same about the US Presidential candidates?????

Just a thought. Be brave and know we are all with you in your campaign, regardless of what you think of Kate and Will!!!