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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Like A G6, And Why Music Sucks Now: Chapter 6.

I heard it the other day in my truck because I forgot my iPod and I was being forced to listen to the radio.

"Travis, you know you don't have to turn on the radio when you're in your truck."

Yes, yes I do. Because with absolute quiet, my thoughts start to get loud, and that's not good for anyone on the road. Trust me.

So the beat starts out alright, kind of a booty shaker, with a little techno pop thrown in, which is currently all the rage and is typical of music since 2005, but I don't mind it sometimes. Sometimes you need to dance, right? And sometimes when you dance you need to be naked. Sometimes that helps you get through college. Sometimes that's how you justify having low self-esteem. But all that is okay with me, because you're dancing naked and I'm throwing dollar bills at your face. /tangent

Then the lyrics start. I've taken the liberty of copying and pasting them below, then providing you with some funny observations, which is what I do in these posts.

The song is called "Like a G6" and it's sung by Far East Movement.

Lyrics to Like A G6:(feat. The Cataracs & Dev)HookPoppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzardWhen we drink we do it right gettin slizzardSippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Like a G6, Like a G6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Verse 1Gimme that Mo-MoetGimme that Cry-CrystalLadies love my style, at my table gettin wildGet them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that dropNow give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don’t stop(808) Hell YeaaDrink it up, drink-drink it up,When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunkThey be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunkWhen sober girls around me actin-actin like they drunkHookPoppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzardWhen we drink we do it right gettin slizzardSippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Like a G6, Like a G6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Verse 2From http://www.lyricsmania.com/like_a_g6_lyrics_far_east_movement.htmlSippin on, sippin on sizz, Ima ma-make it fizzGirl i keep it gangsta, poppin bottles at the cribThis is how we live, every single nightTake that bottle to the head, and let me see you fly(808) Hell YeaaDrink it up, drink-drink it up,When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunkThey be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunkWhen sober girls around me actin-actin like they drunkHookPoppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzardWhen we drink we do it right gettin slizzardSippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Like a G6, Like a G6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6BridgeIts that 808 bump, make you put yo hands upMake you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up(You can’t Touch this)Its that 808 bump, make you put yo hands upMake you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up(You can’t Touch this)Hell Yeaaa, Make you put yo hands up, put yo put yo hands upHell Yeaaa, Make you put yo hands up, put yo put yo hands upHookPoppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzardWhen we drink we do it right gettin slizzardSippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6Like a G6, Like a G6Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6

Okay. For those of you that are still with me after reading that nonsense, I'm here to help you make sense of some of it. I can't possibly define every "word" used or give you the correct spelling of everything in one blog post. But I'm going to at least try to help you walk away with a little bit more of an understanding of why this song makes your butt shake but your eyeballs twitch and gives you a headache.

1. Defining the word "slizzard:" UD gives several definitions for this word, but the funniest by far has got to be "a very slutty lizard." When I first read it, I thought maybe there was a blizzard somewhere, only with a lot of ice. Like a slippery blizzard. Then I thought slippery blizzard might be a type of drink. Kind of like a Slippery Navel and a White Russian put together. Then I thought about what goes into each of those drinks separately, and immediately wanted to throw up. Then I kept reading. Turns out, "slizzard" means getting drunk. Not just any kind of drunk though. According to one UD definition, it means "Getting toe up from the flow up." I'm assuming that the correct spelling of that phrase is "tore up from the floor up." But for all I know it could be a new dance move. Listen folks, if we want to get through this, we're going to have to keep moving.

2. Sizzurp: This is a drink that consists of a Codeine based cough syrup, any fruit flavored soda, and a Jolly Rancher. This is a popular drink amongst idiots and high schoolers who hear idiots on the radio singing about drinking it. Thanks for the example there, Far East. Can we just go back to country music stars singing about getting whiskey drunk and beer sober? Please? Also, what do you think would be the best Jolly Rancher for something like that? I would think cinnamon would be the worst choice.

3. The first verse is all about consuming copious amounts of various liquor, (I'm assuming the sizzurp has been put away for the drive home) and then ordering more liquor. The second part of the verse goes on to discuss the fact that "sober girls act drunk" around them. That's all it says. 4 lines of song, that's all it tells us. They must be either a.) Really hot girls, or b.) Really not drunk but acting like it so techno music stars will take them home and have crazy sizzurp sex with them so they can get pregnant on purpose and have their babies so they can say, "You remember the song Like a G6? Yeah, my baby daddy is one of the people in that group. I don't know which one. It was sort of a sizzurp gang rape party thing." And then her friend can say, "Oooooh Gurrrrl! You so crazy!" Seems to me like a lot of people lose in that situation. But hey, do what you do I guess.

4. The second verse is pretty short and it basically talks about how they do this every night. Drinking and promiscuous sex every night. Then they glamorize that kind of lifestyle by putting it in a song with a catchy beat and hot women shaking their butts in a video. Speaking of, where do they FIND these chicks for these videos? Is there a factory in Akron somewhere? Anyway, I'm pretty sure that drinking every night is bad for you. I'm also pretty sure I can get medical science to back me up on that. Also, all that sex with different ladies means that someone is going to catch the HIV, and that's not good for you either, unless you're rich. Then HIV will make you look GREAT.

5. Finally I answer the question. What is a G6, and why is it so fly? First off, I'll tell you what it isn't. It isn't a bird. It isn't a car made by GM in 2004 bearing the surname Pontiac. It isn't a type of can opener. It is this:

That's right folks. It's a plane. A plane that is very fancy I guess. The Gulfstream website says "it is quite simply, the gold standard in business aviation." You can check out the specs on the plane here. You know, in case you're interested in obtaining one of them. Because hey, you've already had your sizzurp, you're gettin kind of slizzard, you got a bunch of sober broads around you actin like they drunk, and you have about 60 million that is burning a hole in your pocket.

Or is that the chlamydia?

P.S. I wrote this post because The Ginger that is Mandy asked me to. When I tweeted that I was going to do it, she acted a tad ungrateful and kind of sort of demanded I make the whole post about how awesome she is. While she is a very awesome person who lives in Detroit and spent a lot of time moping about how her boyfriend went to London lately, she is not the whole topic of the blog post today. She is, however, the whole topic of the P.S. So there, Mandy. Enjoy.

P.P.S Mandy is not psycho. I just wanted to clear that up. She's a very nice person. She also didn't ask me to write this.

I'm a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I teach English and Literature to the youth of today. I love Jesus and my mother, and I'll gladly introduce you to both. I love photography and writing. Duke basketball keeps me occupied for half the year, and hating Chapel Hill keeps me busy the other half. As you can tell from the title of my blog, I like stories. I'm a big guy with a big voice, trying desperately to be heard by someone before The Lord takes me home. Let's be best friends.