Simplee mix a bottle o Carlsberg Speshul Broo wiv an Holsten Pils and pour down yer gullet...rinse an repeat as necessary. A genuine recipe tried an tested by thee Black Spot and meself. I once asked fer a "Golden Parrot" in Noo York an I got thrown outta Stringfellows...ye can't get much lower than that.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

The Black Technician(as developed by the technical crew at the Mitchell Theatre in Glasgow in 1990, the year Glasgow was the European Capital of Culture.)Arrive at the pub at approximately 10:15 - 10:25pm (depending on how long it took to shut down and reset the show for tomorrow night) - last orders are at 10:45pm.Order a pint of snakebite (1/2 lager, 1/2 cider), or if the bar does not sell snakebite, two of you can order a pint of lager and a pint of cider, and then steal a half-pint glass.Order a Black Russian with a very small amount of cola in it.Drink the top off the pint of snakebite.Drop the Black Russian into your pint.Drink.Repeat until you fall over (it won't take long).

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks."To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine."One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln."If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.

The Bloody Awful (not the actual name but that's the taste I remember)

I forget the exact recipe, it was quite a long time ago. To try and recreate it you will need a pint glass, roughly half a pint of Coke, roughly half a pint of Dr Pepper and a shot glass of Amaretto. Mix the Coke and Dr Pepper in the pint glass, add the shot glass of Amaretto and drink in one go, trying to avoid tipping the Amaretto glass too quickly and getting sickly liqueur up your nose.

Guinness and Port

Much better in that a) it actually tastes brilliant and b) you don't notice just how hammered you're getting, thus leading to much amusement for others when you try to stand up and fall over at the bar. You will need a) a pub with Guinness on tap, b) bar staff willing to put fortified wine into beer and c) someone to carry you home. The recipe is simple, get someone to pour you a pint of Guinness. While it's settling after the first pour, add port (usually a double measure). Get the nice person to top it up and hand it to you. Drink. Repeat. Fall over.

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

The great thing about Beaker is his ability to provoke while still being decorous, or at least within acceptable rules of conduct - Qwertyuiopasd