Friday, January 5, 2007

Episode 4

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - I'll say one thing for this movie: they picked the right fucking subtitle. This movie takes the place of True Lies at the top of the list of action movies that are so outrageous you can hardly sit still while watching them. The shit they do in this movie is ridiculous! For example, we all know how tall a dam is right? Maybe not exactly, but we know they're pretty dam tall (Get it? Dam tall?). Regardless, I really don't think there's a dam tall enough for someone to drive a truck off of, then while in mid air launch a helicopter out of the back of said truck, catch your three buddies on it in free fall, and fly away safely. Then again, when this instance happened in the movie the entire scene was shown in slow motion. Maybe that had something to do with the characters being able to pull this off. Ooh, or how about racing dirt bikes on a course riddled with huge jumps and doing tricks as you soar through the air in order to dodge bullets being fired by a guy who, after also going off a jump, lets go of the handlebars of his bike, soars upside down above it, pulls out two guns, fires off several rounds at you, puts the guns away, re-positions himself on his bike, and lands with ease. Yeah, I do that all the time. My favorite part of the movie, though? Probably the hard rock cover of Elton John's song Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting by Nickelback's Chad Kroeger. Anyway...enough sarcasm. Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu reprise their roles from the original Charlie's Angels as female spies who can do just about anything even remotely imaginable, regardless of what gravity or simple logic may have to say about it. Unfortunately, not reprising his role as the girls' right hand man Bosley is Bill Murray. Instead, we're forced to watch Bernie Mac desperately try to be funny in his place throughout the movie, which he fails to accomplish. Crispin Glover returns to once again play the "thin man", but if you blink you may miss him as he maybe has six minutes of screen time. Speaking of brief appearances, look hard enough and you'll catch glimpses of Shia LaBeouf, John Cleese, Luke Wilson, Matt LeBlanc, Robert Patrick, Bruce Willis, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, The Pussycat Dolls, Pink, and Jackass' Chris Pontius, among others. Demi Moore is surprisingly hot in the role of the villain, but even more entertaining as a bad guy was Justin Theroux, who stole the show as Drew Barrymore's scorned, Irish, faux-hawk sporting ex-boyfriend who she put away for murder. You may remember that a few years ago McG (the film's director) was rumored to be helming the new Superman movie. Having seen Charlie's Angels 2, I kind of wish he had. Sure, it probably wouldn't have been as respectable as Bryan Singer's version, but at least it wouldn't have been so boring. If you can get past the fact that not a single event that takes place in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle could ever concievably happen, and if you aren't bothered by the fact that the plot is exactly the same as that of Mission Impossible, you should be able to laugh your ass off in disbelief at what you're seeing on the screen as you watch this movie.