Thursday, November 18, 2010

When you leave your house, you make sure that your front door is closed and locked. The same goes for when you get out of your car. That same instinct should apply to all aspects of your life. When you leave any relationship, make sure that chapter of your life is truly closed.

Closure is essential. Right now I am at a place in my life where I realize that in order to truly progress, I must first learn from my experiences, then truly be able to move on from them. The first time I was confronted with this is when my aunt died. I had to first learn from her life and her relationship with me, then attain a sense of closure about her death. This process translates into other relationships, both familial and intimate.

I am struggling with one particular relationship. It ended back in 2008, but to this day I do not have a sense of closure. I was so emotionally involved with this person that the aftermath of our interaction lingers today. To put it simply, I was in love with her, and she disappointed me. I feel like I was very upfront about where I stood with her, but that has not been reciprocated. All I want to know is...what happened? Why did she make the choices that she made? Why did our "relationship" end the way it did?

When you are involved with someone and that involvement comes to an end, it is important for whoever is involved to know why it is ending so that everyone is on the same page. Even if you have a nasty breakup, both people should understand why the breakup is taking place. I feel like both people have an obligation to let each other know where they stand.

Closure is about honesty, not being selfish, and not being self absorbed. You never know what a person can learn about themselves through you. To the person who inspired this...I am not asking for closure as a means of getting close to you again. You truly showed me yourself- not with your words; it was what you didn't say that was most revealing. . Put yourself in my place. If I had disappeared the way you did, how would you feel?

We should all keep this in mind as we interact with friends, lovers, coworkers, peers, family...be honest about how you feel. If you decide that you no longer want someone to be part of your life, at least be mature enough to let them know why. However, once you have the knowledge, it is up to you to truly close that chapter.
Shoot first, ask questions later..