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The students spend the next 45 minutes ripping the piece apart, with merited savagery -- it really is bad.

Prof says, "I'd like you guys to know I wrote that piece".

Sudden silence in classroom. Prof: "I stayed up all night, drinking coffee by the quart, writing this -- and I took care to see that not one facet of bad writing was omitted. What beats me is how you buggers toss these things off in half an hour a day!"

Now you know where his students went.

This kind of writing is beyond bad, actually. It doesn't contain the typical elements of bad writing: the cliches, the archaicisms, the redundancies etc. Instead, like a Ramsay Brothers film, it has a badness that almost has an artfulness about it, that is enjoyable because it is simply so over the top. "[T]he beauty she keeps graciously hidden." "The grandeur of her openness." Could you or I come up with those if we tried? I don't think so!