Scilly Profanisaurus

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Long distance twitches can often drag a bit so whilst travelling down to Cornwall a few years back (1999 I think) Pete Simpson and I compiled this puerile, vulgar but hopefully mildly amusing Profanisaurus based solely on names of places on the Isles of Scilly.

Wingletang

A set of excessive beef curtains

Old
Town Café

A visit to the lower regions of
a more mature ladies private area "I think the fish might have been off
last night at the Old Town Café"

Barnaby
Lane

Where two young men go for a
stroll whilst playing for the same side

Salakee
Lane

Where comfy shoe wearing ladies
take a stroll

Bar
Point

Aggressive beer induced finger
wagging

Kitty
Down

A young lady's first signs of
pubity

Silver
Trail

The result of pulling out at the
point of no return and shooting your load over a lady's belly

Beady
Pool

The end of Silver trail

Holy
Vale

A choirboy's robe, ie the Vicar
lifted young Quentin's Holy Vale

Pulpit
Rock

The state of arousal reached by
the vicar after visiting Holy Vale

David
Hunt Hide

A particularly large pair of
knickers

Abbey
Pool

The residue of a Monk's wet
dream

Turks
Head

The urgent need to find a place
to sit down and contemplate life

Horse
Point

When a young lady attempts to
swallow more than she can take

Dump
Clump

A particularly nasty set of bum
grapes

Porthellick

A very pungent Old Town Café

Rose
Cottage

A sweat smelling area near
Wingletang

Old
Grimsby

Catching crabs at the Old Town
Café

New
Grimsby

See Kitty Down

Carn
Near

A close shave with the owner of
the Old Town Café after receiving some unwanted attention in the Bishop and
Wolf

Shipman
Head

Take the pleasure boat to . A
Scilly boatman down Barnaby Lane

Maypole

Morning glory. Sunrise over
Kitty Down. What a young Scillonian female may receive if she inadvertently
wanders down Barnaby Lane

The
Roads

A gaping Wingletang

Newford
Duck Pond

A very well used Wingletang

Seven
Stones

A collection of Dump Clumps

Darrity's
Hole

The tradesman's entrance.
"The Old Town Café was closed today as the decorators were in so I had
to go round to Darrity's Hole".

Parting
Carn

Preparing for an expedition to
Wingletang

Turfy
Hill

The stage before Kitty Down

Heathy
Hill

A more mature and unkempt Kitty
Down

Gimble
Porth

The resultant offspring when
cousins marry

Lawrence's
Brow

Pull out at the last minute
before the moment of no return ie "he pulled out right on the Lawrence's
Brow leading to Beady Pool"

Shooters
Pool

What comes after the climax of
reaching Lawrence's Brow

Piper's
Hole

A Tardis. ie something that is
much bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside (Billie Piper's
fanny)

Morning
Point

To wake up in a state of arousal

Tolman
Point

What happens when you drive
along the Sandwich ancient highway without stopping at the toll booth