So, for years I have believed a lie. A lie that a lot of people wants me to believe…I am not good enough….I am not smart enough….I am not thin enough. It is so easy to start believing this if you hear it on such a regular basis and to hear it from people that you believe is suppose to care for you.

Enough is enough. No one is going to make me feel that I am not good enough anymore.

I am enough! I am worthy! I am loved!

I am busy with my journey, the journey to self discovering with Jesus by my side. This is the beginning of me being enough for myself.

So, here I am. I am married, have 4 beautiful children, all this in just under 10 years. So, what now? I am only turning 30 next year, yes, I am only 29 now. I still have my whole life ahead of me.
But now I am not sure what to do with my life. I have ideas and dreams, but I don’t know what to do with them.

When I was in Highschool I decided in Std 7, now Grade 9 that I am going to change all my subjects to Standard grade, for the simple reason that 2 of them where Standard grade subject and not available on Higher Grade and I knew I was not planning on going to University, because I knew my parents didn’t have money to send me. My subjects were: Afrikaans, Engels, Biologie, Tik, Huishoudkunde, Naaldwerk en Kleding. I did rather well in school, I didn’t have a social life, so I concentrated on my schoolwork. At the end of matric I got 3 distinctions and the other 3 subjects I got B’s. Yeah for me. I got good marks, but who cares, actually no one.

I decided to do a correspondence course, I wanted to do Nature Conservation, that was the only thing I was interested in, going to the wildside. But then I met Johan, go married and had children.
With that part of my life completed I want to do something with my life now. I am doing some sewing, but that’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I need something more exciting. So, here I am sitting and thinking about what to do. Last week I drove past the local vet and suddenly I thought, I think it will be nice to volunteer at a vet, wish I had the time, then I took my thoughts further, what if I decide to go and study for a vet or vet nurse? So the searching began. Bummer, you need matric mathematics to qualify to study vet or vet nurse. Then I hear that there is exceptions when you are older and did good in matric etc etc. But last night it hit me, is that what I really want to do? That wont give me flexi hours, I wont be able to still be there for my kids. This is a 8-5 and after hours job.
Then the thinking start all over, then I remembered what I wanted to start doing while we were in Nigeria and there we had the money, so it was easier to pursue my dream. There I decided that I want to go into photography, but I want to specifically do birth photos, but if one go into photography you can do other photos too.
The other thing is to become a doula, I love birth, its such an amazing thing the witness, that would be a great job for me, but it is a bit difficult if you have kids of your own, you must be available 24/7 for a birth.
While we were in Nigeria I came across this website http://www.bellarosebirthing.co.za/mystory.htm and I fell in love with the idea. But for this you need a lot of money and a place to do it. Just another dream, to own my own birthing unit for woman who want to birth in a home like place.

All this rambling and I still don’t know what to do or where to start and I think I don’t even make sense.

This last year has been a crazy year regarding moving. Last year this time we moved to Nigeria, then we came back to SA, moved to Pretoria to one house, the owner didnt help us to get the electricity on, after a weekend of struggling and sleeping over at family, we had enough and got another house and moved into that house, we only signed a contract for 6 months, it was not the perfect home for us, but we were desperate.
In December just before our contract ended, J’s brother asked us if we are interested in renting his house, he want to move to a bigger house. So we extend our contract with one month to move to his house end of January.
What was nice about this house is that it was right next to the office were J works, he works for his brother. It is a house that they use for the office.

Well, the day after we moved in, J’s brother came for a visit and he asked us how long are we planning to stay here. J immediately knew his brother is up to something. He asked us if we are interested in moving to the office. He is going to move the office to an office park close by and then he want to sell this house we are living in now. He doesnt want to sell the other house, because it is in a trust for his children.

I dont really have a problem to move to the other house, it is a lot bigger than this house. This house doesnt have a garage, that house have a double garage and a working place for J. He loves to works with his hands and play around, so he is very happy about that.
The kitchen is very bigger and I will have a place to put my washing machine in the house. There is also more cupboards in the kitchen. It has more rooms. There is 3 living areas, 3 bedrooms and a study.
The main bedroom is very spacious.
So all in all it will be a good move.
It is also just next door, so we can carry over all the stuff. Or like my good friend Sharon told me, I must take Christie, Nadia and my handbag and J can do the rest.

Okay, so we are moving….AGAIN! I hope this will be the last time for a while. We are very lucky to be able to rent Johan’s brother’s house, so this can be long term.
I must admit that I am a very unorganised woman, I hate that about myself, but thats just me.
I hope to be more organised once we are in the new house, the problem is, I need certain stuff to be more organised and all that stuff cost money and there is a big lack of that.
I really want containers to put the kids toys in so that they can keep their rooms tidy and just push the containers under their beds.
I want a dining room table and chairs. We used to have one before we moved to Nigeria we sold it. I just miss having dinner as a family together.
I want a single bed for Christie, she has a 3/4 bed now and it takes up too much space and she had Nadia must share a room eventually.
I want a bookcase that goes up against the wall for Madelaine and Jane’s room, so that we can organise their books.
I want a new bedding set for our room, just because I want to change it, it will make me feel “lekker”. I want something turquoise and cerise pink, my curtains is cerise pink and the walls of the new house is light blue.
Almost forgot, I also want a Blackberry, but that is not for the new house, that is just because I want one.

There is a lot of other stuff that will just make the house more homey, but for the beginning I want the above mentioned stuff, but maybe it will always be just in the wishlist.

Saw this on a friend, Angel’s blog.
I was lucky enough to be under her #5 people to comment. Now it is my turn to do the same.

So, with this blog post, I promise to send something I have made with my own two hands to the first 5 people who leave a comment on this post saying they would like to take part.

Here’s how it works.

The blogger posting the offer must send something to the 5 commenters before the end of 2011.
What is sent to the commenters must be handmade by the blogger.
The commenters who ask to take part must post the same offer on their blogs, and then send something handmade to the five commenters who ask to take part, and so on and so on.