Sex on campus: How No Means No became Yes Means Yes

Men argue that often when a woman says “No” that means “Maybe” This is particularly so when it comes to sexual harassment on university campus. The peak for sexual assaults occur between August and November when everyone returns and are trying to make their mark. Guys are out to “score” and become hard of hearing when she doesn’t comply. Alcohol muddies the waters as both he and she may be drunk, so who is to know what was said? She may also be a virgin so does she really know what she is saying “No” to?

Language therefore is shifting to it only means “yes” when she says “Yes” That may be harder for a man to ask as it requires explicit consent. From his point of view it probably inhibits his idea of spontaneity. Men in anger management have difficulties with some rules. However when it comes to marriage the rules say he asks and she responds with a yes or a no and he generally accepts it.

The man may say “What I did was not illegal so why the fuss?” Actually in California the law now says there has to be an explicit “yes”. At which point one asks “Is it ethical to push and take advantage of the woman?” That shouldn’t be a grey area but it is, with what he wants as the bench mark of what is OK.

Often in the ‘morning after’ a man might ask “why did I do that?”, by then the damage may have been done. More over the implication is the man is saying “I can only get what I want by taking advantage of people who cannot protect themselves”