Remember back in the day when we all had Cazal shades and high-top jellies? And remember when there was Dial MTV and the Zig and Zag Show and the house meeting in episode 11 of Real World: San Francisco when everyone from Pam to Judd (did Pam ever fail anything and did Judd ever find love?) tried to talk Puck into flushing his potty mouth down the toilet before finally deciding to kick him to the curb from the house? And remember when Smash Hits would ask the tough questions like Yo! Vanilla! What do you wear in bed? And who really sings on trendy dance hits?

Sigh.Things done changed. What happened? Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a swishifying effect today. And ITVs and diet sodas ain't gonna set it straight, either. Still at least the Mill is still here, still jaunty, still rocking khakis with a cuff and a crease, still churning out transfer tattle. Speaking of which let's get cracking on today's fresh batch of stinking scraps handed down from our football club overlords.

If you, like the Mill, thought that Manuel Pellegrini is the type of man who spends his afternoons in a darkened sitting room drinking Chilean red, listening to Leonard Cohen, smoking an obscure brand of cigarettes only available in selected shops in Cephalonia and ruminating on Robert Venturi's influence on postmodern American architecture, you'd be right. But when he is not comparing and contrasting Famous Blue Raincoat with Chelsea Hotel #2 and discussing the merits of Fire Station #4 in Columbus, Indiana, what Pellegrini really, really, really likes to do is wonder about which striker is brave enough to poke the ball over the line on a wet and windy night in November when the entire Stoke side are welcoming him to Staffordshire in much the same way Aaron Ramsey was welcomed to that part of the world.

Various names have popped in and popped out of Pellegrini's promontory but the one that keeps coming back to him is that of the Fiorentina favourite Stevan Jovetic. Accordingly, Pellegrini has typed up a nicely worded letter, as seen by the Mill, to his employers asking if they could possibly spare £23m as well as an extra £5m down the line. They are sure to reply in the affirmative as will Jovetic as soon as he hears the words two hundred thousand and weekly.

One player who is definitely not going to be pulling on City blue next season though is Alvaro Negredo. When asked about the move, the Sevilla top dog, José María del Nido, wagged his right index finger, shook his head and said that there is only a "one per cent" chance of the transfer going through. Now the Mill is no maths genius but a one per cent chance would suggest that the hopes of seeing Negredo starring in those top bantz YouTube videos any time soon are about as likely as Luis Suárez wanting to decamp to the Emirates. But then that was before José added: "Either [City] pay what we ask or the player stays with Sevilla for another three years."

Elsewhere Christian Benteke has been waking up in the middle of the night, sweat cascading down his brow like Iguazu Falls in full flow, at the thought of having to spend another season in the Midlands pretending he knows what Paul Lambert is actually saying. And so he has instructed his Mr 15% to get going on those transfer talks with Tottenham Hotspur who are set to triple his wages. Not that money is the main motivation, heavens no, it's because he wants to play in Europe dontchaknow? If Spurs and Villa are unable to come to an agreement, then the Belgian may be forced into some "drastic action" which could be anything from spiking the punch at the summer party to sticking a finger in Lambert's left nostril to asking for a transfer request.

And finally to Hull and Steve Bruce. Back in the big time and the greatest league known to man, monkey and marsupial, Bruce has decided that his squad is going to need some proven Premier League players if they are to avoid the dreaded drop to the dreaded Championship. After failing to capture those type of players, he will be fighting it out with absolutely no one for the signatures of getting the bus home's Adel Taarabt and pink boots' Nicklas Bendtner. Remember when we all wore black boots? Sigh. Things done changed.