Sunday, October 12, 2008

Random bullets of Fall Break

We've now reached the midpoint of the semester, which means I can clean my apartment, catch up on magazines, email a few friends--all for the first and possibly last time this term.

Saturday night a group of friends and I wrapped up the evening with the first drag show I've attended in Cha-Cha City. I've missed me some drag queens.

The earlier part of the evening was less agreeable, involving as it did two Oktoberfest wagons clip-clopping their way through the nightlife district and disgorging screaming 23-year-olds at every block.

After a rather gloomy September, October is proving gorgeous. So I'm mulling some cider, admiring the foliage--and choosing not to think about how long and bleak winter will be once it arrives.

In two weeks I'll be back in NYC for the first time in months. There's a professional component, but I'm mostly regarding it as a holiday.

I've been informed that my student loan payments are going up by more than $100/month (a 28% increase). And yet I'm still projected to be in repayment until 2027.

I've been wondering lately whether restlessness and vague dissatisfaction are constituitive conditions with me. I'm not unhappy and by most measures my life is as good as it's ever been, but I feel as though I'm waiting for. . . something. I just hope I know it when I see it.

13 comments:

I'm interested in your last bullet point, since I sometimes wonder the same thing about myself. And, having recognized this characteristic in oneself, is the answer to accept it or to make significant changes often enough so that the restlessness is eased?

That last point really spoke to me, too. I like the way you worded it, as if waiting for something. (That's much nicer than how my brain phrases my own restlessness, kind of like "Is this all there is?")

Hi ladies. WN, I don't know. I suspect that continually looking for new challenges--and being at least willing to embrace change--is probably a good thing, though I don't know if that really keeps the feeling at bay or not; in my case, I don't think it's actually the Next Big Thing I'm waiting for so much as a sense of clarity or certainty.

One thing that I think contributes to this feeling (and that may explain, Penelope, why I experience it as "waiting for something") is the fact that I don't actually have many restrictions: I'm not married, don't have kids, don't own a house, and am not really tied to any region of the country. If I did have more restrictions, I'm sure I might sometimes feel more stuck--but there's a lot to be said for having certain limits or parameters within which you need to work (and which are, of course often their own source of pleasure).

I am SO with you on that first bullet point. I started the cleaning (including dishes and laundry) on Sunday. I even opened windows and let in cool air. I'm about 2/3 done and it feels soooooo good to see the floor and tables again. But it won't last. And it won't happen again until January.

What is this thing called "fall break"? We don't have it at my institution, sadly, though my kids have it. So I've imposed an artificial fall break on my own calendar, and we're going to hit the desert. No drag queens, alas, but with any luck I'll get to watch lizards mate, which is practically the same thing, right?

If I may be so impertinent as to ask, to what does your lender attribute the $100 rise in student loan payment? Still in graduate school myself, I like to keep an eye on what to expect when I'm out. Thanks Ms. Flavia.

Apologies for the delayed response! I wasn't told why, but when I originally went into repayment I was informed that I'd be paying X amount for two years and Y amount thereafter.

However--I'm pretty sure I've been in repayment for three years. Maybe it's because I subsequently consolidated my loans at a lower rate?

Still, that's probably the reason, and while I'm happy that Sallie Mae gives borrowers a couple of years to get their finances in better order, it's a serious bummer to see my cost-of-living increase disappear like that when I was counting on it to help with my consumer debt. Cross your fingers that I get a nice merit raise in December. . .

I will hold good thoughts for your merit raise in December...which I am confident is well deserved. I love your blog. It gives me hope that slogging through grad school can have a positive employment outcome, as well as pleasure in reading an intelligent writer with intelligent responses.