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A Closer Walk

In the fifteen years that I've been walking with the Lord, there has been a great deal that I have learned, adjusted to, and absorbed, from the Word of God. I know that there is more than I will ever be able to even comprehend if I were to live several lifetimes. This brings to my mind some questions.

Why, when I know that it is the very Word of God, and that by reading it more I can learn more and love more, the very character of Christ, do I find other areas in my life often take precedence over reading the Word of God?

Why do I hunger to love and know God, yet arise from bed each day, often not even pausing to thank Him for yet another day in which to live and to love?

Why is it so easy to let the "stuff" of life, crowd out that which "is" life?

I don't really have answers to those questions. So what do I do now? Is it enough to simply acknowledge that I have a crummy prayer life and my quiet time is often not spent with the Word of God in my hand? I don't believe it for a second!

I've never felt that I spent enough time with God. Often I go in spurts, like sprinting, rather than running a marathon, where I will study the Bible for hours several days in a row, only to set it aside, waiting for the next time the Lord prompts me to pick it up. I don't believe this is the way to really get to know the width and the length and the depth of the love of God.

It's when I read the words like in Ephesians 3, verses 14-20 which make me wonder why in the world I would allow anything to come between my time with the Lord and me. "For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think. According to the power that works in us."

Man! Doesn't that make you want to just rise up and proclaim Christ in everything you do? When I read verses like that it often makes tears well up as I ponder the part that talks about being rooted and grounded in love, to be able to comprehend the width and length and depth and height.

I can't comprehend it! How can I ever know how much He loves me? I know what he has done, by dying on the cross, and rising again. I know these things. But it seems that there is so much more than that even. It seems that His love is even bigger than taking all of my sins upon Himself. It would seem that even more important is that He continues to love me even when I'm barely giving Him the time of day.

I'm so not a person of strong character and discipline, much to my own frustration. I know that if I were more disciplined and could schedule time with the Lord each morning, that my life would be richer and I would feel more complete. This I know. But this I do not do.

I know that the Lord has been speaking in His quiet voice to my heart for the past several weeks, yet His voice has gone unheeded. I hate when I wait until He has to begin screaming at me!

A couple of days ago I read the book, The Spiritual Power of a Mother, by Mike Farris. I cried as he encouraged mothers in their walk with the Lord. I knew that my time with Jesus is often so short. I longed for a greater relationship with Him, but I also knew that my self-discipline is my greatest downfall.

My next "scream" came when I asked Mike what is the greatest way a homeschool mom can be encouraged. His answer floored me when he said something like, "to live in the constant presence of the Lord." Again tears dripped down my cheeks quickly as I knew how short I fell of living in that constant presence.

Just last night I was talking with a woman who shared with me what her quiet time with the Lord looked like. She spent a great deal of time in prayer by herself, prayer with her husband, followed by selected readings from devotionals and a good deal of time studying the Bible. I could hear the Lord screaming to me, "I want MORE of you!" I wanted to scream back, "I want MORE of you too! But …" That's when I wanted to remind him of how busy my life is, how many children I have, how much needs to be done at my house, and that I am not a self-disciplined individual and probably never would get to the place where I would devote so much time to the God that I love and serve."

My final scream came this morning in the form of a book called, Stepping Heavenward by Mrs. E. Prentiss. The subtitle says, "One Woman's Journey to Godliness." Again I found myself being overcome with tears of need as I read of her own desire to want to please God.

And now I write to you, praying that as you read this, you may find yourself longing for a closer walk with Him as I too long for "Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think. According to the power that works in us." Amen

Listen to Terri's weekly broadcast for home schoolers at www.thepathhome.com. In addition to devoting herself to her husband and the eight children she home schools, Terri also enjoys writing and speaking to offer encouragement to women in an effervescent, humorous way. Visit her Web site at www.ignitethefire.comor e-mail her at[email protected]