Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Like many of you, IBBB reader and friend - Debil Dog, has asked me numerous times to watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. She was adiment about me watching last nights episode so I Tivo'd Nip/Tuck and tuned in for the drunken debacle that was RHoOC.

First off, watching Tamra go to etiquette class is like watching Britney Spears trying hard not to say "y'all." She'll never quite get there. After completing her class, Tamra decided to throw a fancy dinner with some random chef for the whole cast. This consisted of food and a ton of alcohol. Sadly, I was without alcohol so I could barely make it through this crapisode. That was until Gretchen started to get shit-tanked.

Look, Gretchen is hot. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. I just wish she looked more like she was 30 and not so much like 40 and like one of "Barker's Babes" from "The Prices is Right." Let's take a journy out of the 90's and head on in to 2009.

With all that said, Gretchen totally made this episode. She got drunk. And when I say "drunk" I really mean "one tequila shot away from getting her stomach pumped." I love when reality show people get real drunk and not faux-drunk. Gretchen was slurring her words, grabbing her boobs, lifting up her dress, and flirting with Tamra's creeptastic son, Ryan, who looks like he's ready to become a professional diddler. My favorite part, of course, was when Gretchen started to yell out "Tamraaaaaaaaaaa TamRaaaaaaaaa." Pure brilliance. You know the part.

I was a little disappointed at how extra d-baggy Tamra and Vicki were for making sure Gretchen hit the "4th sheet to the wind." She was fun at 3-sheets, but got a little sloppy at 4-sheets. I figured it was just because Tamra is white-trash, so getting other people hammered is like an Olympic event for her and Vicki is dead inside, so this helped bring her back to life.

The episode ended with Gretchen (who's engaged to some dude who is in the hospital with cancer) leaving the main party and heading into the bathroom with Tamra's son. At first you can hear Gretchen telling Ryan that he can't kiss her or hug her because she's "with a great guy" already, but then she says that "he's really turning her on." Then they cut to ....."to be continued." Damn it all to hell, now I'm going to need to watch next week. Either way, Gretchen's hot. Sometimes hotness makes you cheat on people. Sometimes those people are dying in the hospital. Sometimes that happens. And "Ryan" is going to look like even more of a tool if this did happen because he tried to hook up with a drunk chick (which is normally fine) whose fiance is dying in the hospital. Way to go, dude.

Oh, by the way Lynne and her husband were there, but no one seemed to care.

What did you craptastic readers think of this crapisode? Do you think Gretchen went down for a little sucky sucky or do you think it's just crafty editing?

You can predict what happens next. Anyone who has ever picked up a tequlia-soaked babe knows that right after she burbles out the words, "You're turning me on" or "You're so hot" or "Don't touch me where my bathing suit covers" she immediately throws up.

Thank you so much for pointing out the creepiness of that tool Ryan!! It's hard to believe that he's a man-whore, as his mother likes to repeatedly point out (I totally think they're doing the incest, btw). It's pretty obvious that he has no game other than to mack on sloppy drunk chicks.

Gretchen is an adult but sometimes after a little bit to drink it goes to your head and she wasnt thinking clearly to say no to all the other drinks, but disgusting Tamra and her creepy ugly loser balding son with"hey gretchen you need another shot, or here's another, come on another shot" Are you serious? Well I wonder how they would feel if she could have gotten alcohol poisening, possile death? Yeah that happens ladies, look into it, just beacuse your insecure catty "ladies" pickle your livers with drinks and vicki's favorite"COCKTAILSSSS!WOOOHOOOO!"constanly so maybe your tolerence is high doesnt make it right! or that people can really get hurt, so tamra insists she stays over, so what if gretchen passes out and your gross son takes advantage of her, is that okay? I dont give a rats ass how drunk or flirty someone is...ITS WRONG HOW YOU "LADIES"(and i use that term loosely) ACTED!!! Is this what being on tv has done to you or are you just a horrible set of people that haved toned out what is right and wrong! Ugh!

Tamra is so white trash and taking etiquette classes I think should include a chapter on not screaming at a dinner table and demanding your guests get wasted. It was a totally classy night, Way to Go Tamra!!

BTW--Gretchen's fiance died in September I think before the season even started...sad

Yes IBBB, this show deserves your recaps, and you deserve to see the horror that is Housebitches of the OC !! yes yes yes !!!

Ryan is going bald. I just want to say that upfront. Yes you are little Man Whore, B A L D. You better start with the rogaine and propecia now.

Vicki is dead inside, she used to be my fave, no more. I am all about Jeana now. ESPECIALLY since you posted that Oprah makeover pic of her IBBB. Its 100 times better than the million year old Nagel's of her in her house, from 'back in the day' *read as B.C.*

I like Tamra, she makes the show VERY entertaining. So does our little Gold Digger Gretchen. Lynn doesn't add much, but her stupid ' I am underage and drinking on national TV' daughter does.

And IBBB, if you close your eyes and listen to that drunk teenage doesn't have a drivers license but she's 18 daughter speak, she sounds like someone we know.. Who is it IBBB ????? COME ON ... it took me 2 episodes to figure it out...

KRISTEN CAVALLARI !!! yes. She totally talks like her. I love it. I just want to hear her say Steven, Talon, Jess'ca, and ohmygod...just like Kristen. :D

You're right about the price is right look. They were wrong for plotting against her, but it's not like they put a gun to her head. That dude is so ugly. she had on MAJOR beer goggles. I wonder what Jeffrey will think of all this! That show is awesomely bad!!!BTW, I heard nene from atlanta went bankrupt? true or rumor?

I am still skeptical about the conversation with RYan. I can picture the "You do turn me on" said with two fingers in Ryans chest pushing him away. I would imagine that I would be inclined to say anything to a guy to get out of the precarious situation of him having followed me in the bathroom and most likely blocking the door.

You clearly havent been watching or else some RUDE comments about the "Santa Claus" and "Kenny Rogers" looking (sick, 57yr old) significant other of Gretchen's would've been mentioned!! Def. "Bob Barker & his Beauties" once you get a glimpse of those 2! Yowzzza.

P.S. Chubby Jeana was the one who gave Gretchen's fiance those titles!

if my husband was terminal, i could use an evening or two to drink a few and relax a little. i think, at that point, she might have still considered at least one of those women as friends. but the way that it was set up by those conniving, cut-throat women was not right. yes, i think there was some editing at work.

by the way - the "dude" she was engaged to...jeff...died in september, shortly after the show stopped taping.