Hold onto your brains, guys, ’cause I have some PRETTY BIG media news to announce and I don’t want your brains to get all over your computers and your clothes and the floor. You got ‘em? Hold on tight, cause: Perez Hilton is getting a TV show! Perez Hilton ia getting a TV show! HOORAY, PEREZ HILTON, HOORAY!! From Deadline:

The CW has picked up two episodes of Perez Hilton Superfan, an unscripted series featuring the celebrity blogger getting close and personal with a different superstar each week. The series of specials was originally commissioned by U.K.’s ITV2 in November with a four-episode order, which premiered in December. The two specials acquired by the CW showcase Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.

Of course it seems a little silly to be upset about a TV show that all of us will certainly never watch, even though it is on our favorite network The CW, because it’s not going to really be affecting us at all and who cares. Live and let live. Right. But, well, NO it’s still upsetting! I DO HAVE A HEART, YOU KNOW! Ugh, that guy, what an obnoxious, horrible, garbage fame monster. If he gets a TV show, the blogger who gained notoriety by drawing mindlessly mean things (read: dicks) on photos of celebrities, WHY DON’T WE ALL GET TV SHOWS? It just doesn’t seem fair. After the jump, a list of things that would be better TV shows than this TV show, and maybe the CW should give these shows a shot?

Twitter TV: People are forced to read their own tweets aloud in front of a camera.

Kelly TV: Anything I want.

Just Blog It: Unscripted series about a person trying to start an entertainment blog, starting RIGHT when they get the idea to do it.

This Guy Looks Like You: TV show about people who look like other people.

Bordain Rants: Anthony Bordain rants.

Edith: Downton Abbey spinoff.

You Said This: People are followed around by cameras and then afterwards their real-life is formatted as a screenplay, and then they have to act out the screenplay.

Nothing To Wear: A person who has a lot of clothes but they never really want to wear any of them.

I imagine that Kelly TV would be Kelly hanging out with the cast of Breaking Bad, and having madcap hijinks with Bryan Cranston, and they would wear matching Bryan Cranston sneakers, and have fancy brunches while wearing oversized sunglasses (because that is what fancy people do, right? I will have to email the Theremin guy from the previous post, he was the fanciest of us all).

Just Blog It: Unscripted series about a person trying to start an entertainment blog, starting RIGHT when they get the idea to do it.

This sounds a lot like that awful movie based on a book based on a blog “Julia & Julia” which, albeit featuring an hilarious Meryl Streep/Julia Child impression, was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. And yet! A lot of people loved that movie.

Bourdain Rants sounds utterly amazing. Could only be better if Little Mermaid girl’s family died from Paula Deen dessert-induced diabetes leaving only Anthony Bourdain to raise her. Imagine how fun sushi night would be!

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