If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation to ask your roommate to move out, you know just how awkward it can be. Even in a good situation where both of you are on great terms and there’s a happy occasion for the change (say you and your significant other want to move in together, for example), it can still be a tough subject to bring up. So before you do, here are a few things you need to know first: 1.) Know what you can legally ask of them. If you and your roommate have signed a lease and that lease isn’t up for another three months, you and your hubby might just have to wait until then to call the place your own. Until that lease is up, your roommate has just as much right to be there as you do. Having said that, there is often nothing wrong with just asking. Who knows, maybe your roomie has a friend that needs a place and this could be the perfect time for her to start apartment hunting with someone else. Communicate!

2.) Be open about the situation. If there is a problem, and that’s why you feel your roommate needs to go, they deserve to have a chance to solve the problem first. They may be completely clueless to the issues you’re dealing with, so make sure you’re open with them from the beginning. Don’t ask them to move out and say it’s due to “allergies”, just ask them to stop burning incense all the freakin’ time and the problem could be solved right then and there.

3.) Do it at the right time. This is not a discussion that should be put off, of course, but it’s also not a discussion that can happen at any time. Make sure both of you don’t have to be somewhere right away and limit the distractions. And try to be sensitive to what is going on in their lives. Asking them to move out as soon as they get back from their grandma’s funeral isn’t a very good idea.

4.) Give them a realistic time to move out. Unless they’ve been absolutely unbearable (and by unbearable we mean they lit all your clothes on fire last night, or something of a similar significance), you need to give them a reasonable time to move out. They not only need to find another place, but possibly another roommate, as well as figure out how and when they are going to move all of their stuff. And don’t forget they probably have school and or a job or kids and other commitments they’re juggling too. A month is typically a respectable time period. 5.) Be compassionate. If they come to you saying they’ve found a place but they won’t be able to move in until five days after the 30 day period you’ve given them, let them stay for the extra five days. Finding a place to live can be a real pain in the neck and in the end five days is really nothing to get upset about.

I have known my roommate casually about 2 yrs. Lived together now 7 weeks. Within first 10 days found the situation volatile, with explosive out bursts by her when any concerns were addressed. Her explanation was BPD and NPD ( emotional health) issues. Even asking for utility $$ or cleaning bathroom is an immediate battle. We signed separate leases,I pay more rent until her settlement is finalized. Now that will be delayed until?? What was a simple roommate situation has become a home of locked doors, uneasy silences or worse my using police intervention to stop the verbal/and physically aggressive behavior when she starts to act out. As well as an ongoing financial strain for me. This is only 2 months into a year's lease. Any suggestions to dissolve this without to much damage to either of us.

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