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Politico's Roger Simon returned to work today after an eight-month absence, which, he explains in a darkly funny interview with himself, was owing to an infection that lead to blood poisoning and required his left foot and half of his right leg to be amputated. Sense of humor: still fully intact.

Q: Is there anything we can do for you? Anything you need?

A: Pity.

Q: Pity?

A: Or an iPad. I can’t decide which.

Q: I hear iPads are pretty cool.

A. Yeah, but pity is cool, too. I could call up somebody who never returns my calls, for instance, and it would go like this:

Aide: Madam Secretary, Roger Simon is calling.

Secretary Clinton: You know I don’t talk to morons. Hang up on that geek.

Aide: But Madam Secretary, he has no feet now.

Secretary Clinton: My God! Put him through immediately, and find a classified document I can leak to him!

The whole thing is worth checking out, even if you have no idea who Roger Simon is.