VR porn partnership takes viewing out of your hands

I mean, we don't know for sure that this mannequin head isn't watching porn, do we? Photo: Florian Pircher/Pixabay

Two high-tech companies are joining forces for the latest development in immersive VR porn: goggles plus machines.

The partnership is between virtual-reality porn producer BaDoinkVR and “teledildonics” maker Kiiroo. And once you get past the basic idea of it, it still sounds super weird. But that’s just kind of how the future works. The deal will allow BaDoink’s content to sync up with one of Kiiroo’s “personal devices” to create an experience so authentic that the companies assume you will forget about all of the fancy mechanical rigs you’ve attached to yourself.

Here’s a video showing how they work, which may or may not be NSFW depending on whether anyone you might see professionally can tell what exactly you’re looking at.

“With all the new VR innovations this year, we’ll see the audience grow exponentially in 2016,” said BaDoinkVR CEO Todd Glider, whose name always makes me laugh like a 12-year-old, in a press release. “BaDoink has always been a pioneer in the VR space, and our partnership with Kiiroo underscores our continued commitment to driving the evolution of the category, making it the highest-quality immersive and interactive experience possible, and striving ultimately to envelop the consumer in an experience that achieves telepresence.”

What all of that marketing talk means is that owners of a virtual-reality headset like Oculus Rift or Google Cardboard, Kiiroo’s Onyx, and a membership to BaDoink’s VR porn site will be able to view 180- or 360-degree, 3-D videos while the secondary device simulates the sexual acts that the viewer is seeing. Women are out of luck here; this interaction doesn’t include the Pearl.

This is pretty far from the bizarre, comb-like devices we saw in the Stallone film Demolition Man, and it’s even further from Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s holodeck. But sometimes the future doesn’t turn out the way we hope it would. Sometimes, the future means sticking your bits into a machine that’s talking to your computer.