Friday, October 17, 2008

Reading Is For Chumps

On a recent trip to Chapters, I was looking for Choke, a book by Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk. (On a sidenote, I really felt like being a douchebag and including several links in the first sentence. Have you seen these sites, where they have every other word underlined and the little link pops up to dictionary.com or some shit? They think it's helpful and informative, especially for those retards that don't know what any of these words mean. I think it's annoying as hell. LiKe ThOsE sTuPiD gIrLs ThAt TyPe LiKe ThIs. Way to negate efficiency. Anyways, back to the Choke story...)

I found the book, but it had a sticker that said NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE. So I didn't buy it. That’s all I needed. Thanks for the hot tip, Chapters! Good work on selling books. Is this supposed to make me want to read more? Because all it does is make me want to go to the movies. It might as well say FUCK THE BOOK, SEE THE MOVIE. I half-expected a guy to come over and be all, "What, you want to take a week to read this? No no no... sit down for a couple hours and you’ll be done. No reading involved whatsoever."

What kind of retailer attempting to sell books clues you into the fact that you can experience their product in a more interesting medium? A stupid dumbass one, that's what kind.

Another book had a sticker that said READ THE BOOK. THEN SEE THE MOVIE.

Who do these people think they are, dictating the order in which I’m entertained? I already told you, I’m skipping the book.

Conversely, they also novelize movies so after you've seen it, you can relive the movie-going experience in boring-ass book form. Minus the popcorn, but plus a shitload more reading.

I can't wait to read the adaptation of Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

RANDOM BONUS: FUCK YOU, HOLLISTER

Are you kidding me? How the hell did clothes get so expensive? I would go in there and pour paint on all their shit if it wouldn’t increase the prices.