I am pretty angry you might say, I've
been married for 15 years now and was told a few weeks ago that my
wife confided in someone at work about some personal problems with
our family. What she is telling me is that they are just friends but
she feels that she loves this person much like a person would love
their doctor. What in the hell is that suppose to mean? In one
breath she tells me that she loves me and in another she tells me
this. I have a sick feeling that she has had a affair with this
person and now feels guilty about it. I have tried to forgive her
but still wonder if this is relationship is going on. Our sex life
is bad, she will still have sex because she feels it is her
obligation but their is no feelings their. In my heart I want to
believe her but in my mind I know I have to be real. I would like to
catch them if I could and find out what was really said in the
e-mail correspondence, but they correspond at work. I guess I am
still looking for the truth. And if she really does just feel guilty
about having feelings for another person is that cheating too. I
think so, especially when she does not have the same feelings for
her husband. Thanks for listening, Mixed up

Beginning of 2001 my wife of 18 years
decided to have an affair (emotional investment and sexual
investment, either of which constitute an affair)with one of her
employees. I didn't find out about it until the sexual part had
slacked off. She was still in love with him and wanted to be with
him 9 months later. That's when I told her I had known and had been
following her since month 8. His wife was pregnant and this had
devastated my wife because she thought they would be together at
some point. In month 2, she told me she didn't want to be married
anymore, she wasn't happy. I talked her into counseling which we
began a couple months later. In which she basically said she didn't
want to try to save the marriage. When I told her that I was having
trouble believing that someday I may see her with someone new, She
assured me the whole time that she didn't want another relationship
with anyone. We were growing further apart, and finally in month
10, I told her I knew, she denied at first, then admitted it. Told
me their relationship was the kind we hadn't had for years. I had
already cut the strings to the relationship and demanded she move
out and leave me and our two kids (16 and 10) in the house. After
six months we would pursue joint custody. If she refused, I would
blow the whistle to everyone (family, kids, her employer, friends)
and anyone who would care about hearing/seeing my proof. (Money
spent, Bills unpaid) I asked her still to give it one more chance.
She agreed, but was sick for the next few days. So I told her it
was Ok. Her heart wasn't in it, divorce was best. A week later, she
decided on her own to try again. We did, for about a year. Things
were better than they had been in years. Mutual Communication,
Openness, helpfulness, caring, all beyond what we had experienced
for years. We had married young, and I felt like we were mature
enough to get beyond this. But, I can't feel like a husband and
lover to her anymore. It's gone, Iíve tried to get it back. Keeping
the family together would be the best thing to do. But I can't. I
have been out of the house for about 6 weeks (Separated). It's
tough. On the kids especially. But staying with her because of the
kids isn't right for anyone. We'll take time and see what happens.

My wife and I have been married for 7
years. I have been in the military for 9. One of the occupational
hazards of being in the military is the long periods of time away
from home, training for war. I had been deployed to another
installation to qualify tank gunnery which required me to be away
for 6 weeks. I had the opportunity to return home on the weekends
during which time my wife would rather sleep than spend time with
me. When I returned from gunnery, I was in line to get promoted to
the next rank. When my new rank was pinned on, my wife refused to
kiss me in front of my unit. I didn't realize anything was wrong
until the neighbors broke down and told me what my wife had
confessed to them, that she was having an affair with one of the
other soldiers in my unit. When I confronted her with it she denied
it, and being the loving supportive husband I am, I defended my
wifeís honor. Weeks went by and she accused me of having an affair
when I told her about a woman I had met and asked for clear
boundaries as to her definition of infidelity. She volunteered to
leave in order to allow me "freedom" to develop the relationship
with this woman. While packing her stuff, I explained that I had no
interest in starting a new relationship and that I just didn't want
the same thing to happen to her that had happened to me. (The
neighbors spreading rumors.) Thatís when I found out that she had
written a love note about him. Not to him, just about him. I'm
lost... People tell me to leave her until I tell them I have three
young children.

I have been married for thirty years.
When I met my wife, she was the sweetest thing Iíd ever known. She
told me she had never been with another man sexually. I had been
married for six years when I learned, quite by accident,
overhearing a conversation, that my wife and her best friend were
frat house pass arounds. I have never said a word, but all these
years it has eaten me inside. I dont know if itís possible, but you
could say that cheating is possible if you donít come to the
marriage with absolute honesty.

Some 25 years ago my wife had an
affair with a man and it took her 27 years for her to tell me she
was in love with him, he is now deceased and even though I found
out about the affair the first night as he had left a beard burn on
her she will not openly talk to me about her affair, she say they
only made love 1 time but stayed in touch on the phone and other
ways with him for 13 years, I can forgive the affair but not the
lying, does any women out there believe she had sex only 1 time in
the 13 years they were in touch, I donít want to get in to any
details but the first time they met he got her under clothes down
and her bra off but says they didnít do anything other than make
out, I up till then was the only man she had ever had sex with, I
just want her to tell me the truth, its been a miserable 25 years,
why does she just not admit all that they done so we can get on
with our lives and try to be happy, I donít want to know the
details but just what they did, am I wrong for wanting to know?

In April of 1984 my wife informed me
of an affair that she had with a guy she dated when she was in high
school and a one night stand with a friend of her sister. She also
told me about making out with other men during this period of
probably about three years. She said she couldn't live with the
guilt. Since then there have been no other affairs. Now after all
these years, I'm having real problems with my self esteem. She says
she don't know what made her want to cheat. She did admit that her
high school boyfriend was better looking. So I feel that I wasn't
good looking enough. She says that she adores me and that she lives
for me. Well, I'm still the same person that I was twenty years
ago, so I wonder who what makes her feel different. Twenty years
ago when she was having the affairs, she found sex with me
repulsive. I feel she must have found me really ugly or something.
Well, I haven't gotten any better looking at age fifty seven. I
guess I just don't know why I'm worth being with now. My self
esteem is in the gutter. I guess it's been a problem for the last
eighteen years since she told me, but it's really gotten bad
lately. I guess I'm not sure how to handle this.

In 1996 my wife left me and my
children for a cyber lover. In 1999 the call came that she was
dead.

I have been married for 29 years,
loved and trusted my wife, worked hard and gave her all the best
but that somehow wasnít enough. Two years ago I sat down by her pc
while she was out and my whole world crumbled. She had been
involved in various chat groups over a 6 month period with many
other men and the emails that I read confirmed that she had met at
least a half a dozen of them. The juicy details in these emails
were quite obvious as to what was happening and those involved were
in our own town!! She denied everything as they all do and I was so
heart broken. She claimed that she only loves me and no other and
here I am 2 years later, still married to her and I love her very
much, but the truth is really that my wife is a whore and after
reading some of those emails, can i ever forget. She says that she
has had no contact with any of these guys since and I believe her?

I thought that my relationship with
my wife was perfectly normal. I have to say that I trust her
completely and she trusted me. We bought a computer and played
around with games and such and everything was fine and dandy...
then I wanted to get a modem and an IP so I could keep abreast of
my hobby, steam locomotion. That is how innocent this started out.
Then my wife discovered something called chat. It was the worst
thing that could have happened to me. She had no problem getting a
screen name and chatting away with these chatters that were lurking
in the same city that we were living... They had things called
"chat parties" where they would presumably get to know each other
as if this were some social mixer. But how can anyone be social
with a "handle" like "*******" or "******" These were the names of
the people that my wife was cavorting with while I was making a
modest income for her and our newborn daughter. The chatting even
escalated to phone conversations (that I had the high honour of
paying the collect calls that were made to my house) and even
sexual liaisons in motel rooms that I, once again, had found that
money from the checking account that I replenished had been used
for. But the worst thing of all was that she grew distant and cold
toward me and our child... she seemed to embrace the filthy
lifestyle that this chat seemed to purvey... (they even have a
designation I found out called married but looking... aren't they
so kind and willing to help?) We are going through a divorce now
that I never wanted all because someone wanted a quick blast and
the chatroom made it easy to brainwash my wife

Thank God!! I'm married and
forty-something, and I truly thought I was the only person in the
world who had had this sort of experience with their partner. I
can't tell you how much comfort it has given me to find I am not
alone. Although your site appears to be U.S. based, this problem
seems to be universal.

We were having some trouble after 12
years of marriage and 3 adorable boys. I had spent this 12 yrs in
the defense force and recently left for a civilian job, what a
mistake. I got caught up in an email romance (no contact)for 6
months and as soon as my wife found out I killed it because I knew
what I wanted most of all. I know it should never have happened.
But believe me I know how easy it is to get caught up in these
things when the other person is telling you all you want to hear. I
left home to allow her to find what she had left for me. She kept
telling me I had a chance to come home and that she would always
love me. She sent me loving messages for a long time. All the while
maintaining contact with overseas male friends. Every time she had
computer trouble I was there to help her. Every time she wanted to
go somewhere I took her. We still kissed and cuddled. Everything
I've done in life has been for bettering our standing in life. I
got told 1 week that this person was on his way here. I did
everything I could to stop him. But it was too late they kept it to
themselves long enough for me not to be able to do much. He is now
in my house and I have no way of getting him out. She is living in
a fantasy world at present. I do not believe she really loves him.
But it is almost too late for me now. I don't know if I could take
her back if they sleep together. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
I love my wife deeply. Like they say you don't know what you've got
till it's gone. I can only hope she will wake up from this dream
before it's too late. For those who happen to know who the other
person is with enough warning. Contact your immigration dept. I did
but was not soon enough. They approached him with my concerns but
he had already obtained his visa. Deepest sympathy for anyone going
through this terrible situation

Last Spring, I set up her computer.
She began to learn to use the chat rooms. After a few months, she
started asking me, "what would you do if I said I was in love with
someone else?" After a few more weeks, she made a trip out of the
U.S., to "go visit my cousin." Yeah, sure... I knew where she was
going, because I'd found the carelessly left notes, letters, post
office box number, phone numbers, e-mail trails, photos. I played
it as cool as I could. She moved out of our 250K lake home last
week, and got a subsidized apartment. She took her 16 year old
daughter, and plans to take our 6 year old son. The guy she met, is
as she says, is "a pauper... but he has a lot of ambition and I'm
not worried about him." The guy has "sold everything", and will be
here in a week to start a new life with her.

We all wish we could have that fairy tale relationship, where we indeed live happily ever after. With the material I will share in 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships, now it will be possible.

I've studied relationships for a long time, taking good notes on what things blissful couples do differently than those who have the typical relationship full of ups and downs. Nearly all "relationship" books focus on what couples are doing wrong. I'll let you know what couples are doing right.

In this ground-breaking volume, I'll share with you the 50 things that the top 1% of marriages do. Many of the concepts will probably surprise you.

Michael Webb has appeared on over 400 radio and television shows including Oprah, Men are From Mars/ Women are From Venus, NBC News, 700 Club, The Other Half, Iyanla, To Tell the Truth and FOX News. He has been featured in practically every major newspaper in the United States and is regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines like Men's Health, Bridal Guide, Cosmopolitan, New Man, Women's Day, Family Circle and dozens others.

Break Free From the Affair - Strategies and Resources to break free from the affair in a marriage that work. "Is 'Not Knowing' Killing You Inside ... Or Your Marriage? Are You Tired of All The Lies And Excuses? Are You Afraid That You'll Confirm Your Suspicions? More Importantly, Will You Ever Find Happiness Again, If It Does Exist?"Should you spy or not? By Dr. Bob Huizenga

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was created to be a positive influence
to the discovery,
repair and peaceful resolve
of relationships threatened by internet infidelity.