Sir Ken Bates – An Apology

Sports Offensive would like to apologise wholeheartedly for a recent story which it ran featuring Leeds United chairman Sir Ken Bates.

We would like to take this opportunity to announce that, to our knowledge, Sir Ken has never defecated in the outdoors, let alone up a back alley beside a ‘greasy spoon’ type cafe in the Headingley area.

Furthermore we would like it placed on the record that he did not describe the aforementioned roll of arse carpet as “a beast of a shit”, or say that he wished he’d had his camera with him, while comparing the expulsion to “a Chippendale leg.”

The story was intended as a flight of fancy, a light-hearted slice of toilet whimsy, and we regret any offence that may have been caused to Sir Ken or his anal passage.