TEXAS CAN’T HOLD ’EM, SO THE PARTY SEEMS TO BE OVER FOR THE RANGERS

True to the relief pitcher’s personality, the signing of Mike Adams to a two-year-contract by the Philadelphia Phillies the other day was a whisper compared to the discombobulating, deafening blast of Josh Hamilton’s deal with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Adams cashed in nicely, though, with a two-year, $12 million pact that should help the Phils stop blowing late leads left and right. Adams’ 97 holds over the last three years — 61 of those with the Padres in 2010 and part of ’11 — are the most among major league setup men.

The wonder is, who’ll turn out the lights in Arlington? Because it sure seems like the party’s over.

Adams’ departure from his native, beloved Lone Star State continued a Tex-traordinary exodus of talent from a Rangers franchise that has won 90-plus games over each of the last three seasons and back-to-back American League pennants.

What, one lost wild-card playoff game and everything gets blown to smithereens?

OK, maybe not quite everything. The Rangers still have a decent nucleus of Adrian Beltre, Ian Kinsler and Nelson Cruz, though the absence of Hamilton will make their lives at the plate more difficult. The presence of Hamilton along with Albert Pujols and Mike Trout in another AL West Division lineup, too, could make things unbearable.

Money’s not much of an object in Texas, where the Rangers can outbid everybody for a Nick Swisher, but nobody on the free-agent (or trade) market can come close to replacing the slugger who hit 43 homers and drove in 128 runs last year.

To be sure, you can’t match the peculiarity of the explanation why the Hamiltons didn’t give the Rangers a chance to match the Halos’ offer of five years, $125 million. Yes, Hamiltons, plural.

“My take on it was that we were with (the Rangers) for five years and if you’re going to date somebody and that’s going to be your man or your woman, you make it official and you make it known pretty quick or at some point that you want to be with them,” said Hamilton’s wife, Katie, at the introductory news conference in Anaheim. “They let us date other teams. Josh said he’d give them the first chance, and they didn’t take him up on that. They let us go out and date people and kind of give our hearts away.”

To which her husband added, “She said, ‘You should have put a ring on it.’ ”

Fabulous. And now ballplayers are quoting their wives quoting Beyonce.

Indeed, the Rangers have lost the heart of their offense and the heart of their clubhouse. The latter is Michael Young, who was so alienated by Texas management and his oft-blurred role that he urged a trade after 13 years with the Rangers. He’s now with the Phillies, too.

The Rangers who came within one strike of winning the 2011 World Series — and had the major leagues’ best record as of the last week of September — are scattering to the winds of free agency. Power-hitting catcher Mike Napoli, leased starting pitcher Ryan Dempster and reliever Koji Uehara all touched down in Boston, where the Red Sox are still undergoing their own transformation after a monumental salary dump-off on the Dodgers last season.

To replace lost players and attractions, the Rangers were among clubs trying to woo Zack Greinke and Torii Hunter. Both went elsewhere.

Understand. Without a roof over The Ballpark, Texas has long been a tough sell, especially to pitchers who are naturally averse to small, overheated yards where popped-up bunts carry into Texas Leaguers. Position players — and fans who still come by the millions at the risk of getting the vapors — would be more comfortable if Rangers home games were played on active lava flows.

That’s part of what made the Rangers such a cool, no pun intended, story for these last three years. For a while, it seemed owner Nolan Ryan and General Manager Jon Daniels had done the near impossible.

Hate to say it, but she was right. The Rangers should’ve put a ring on it when they had a chance.