(Note: To learn more information on #The100DayProject which is also known as #ActivistCardsByChava, you can see https://wp.me/pthnB-3cH.)

There is a good chance that you navigate life with a little more ease than I do. And there is equally a chance that you can totally relate to what I am about ready to share.

DRUM-ROLL PLEASE

Have you ever put off for tomorrow (or next week, next month, next year) what you can do today? I know I have! In fact, today I realized how out of control I have gotten. This isn’t a good thing. . . not at all.

Instead of taking time to lament about how guilty and dysfunctional I was feeling, I decided to simple start doing the next right thing. And the results have totally been impacting my afternoon in empowering ways. I am now feeling so much more positive about myself and hopefully making a difference too. Here are just a few things that I have done over the last few hours including:

organized my magazines meant for vision board workshops. (Translation: Magazines are now out of the middle of my ‘Creativity Cave’ and put into new plastic bins.)

called and scheduled giving Judaic ritual objects to three different families. I am still waiting to hear from about four other families. (I have a small nonprofit called Door l’Door which gives Judaic ritual objects to people who’s homes were devastated by natural disasters.)

worked for about five hours for my job.

started learning Yom Kippur’s Torah reading.

put a new picture on my wall.

connected with a close friend. . .it had been way too long.

left a message for someone who wants me to share Door l’Door with a group of 30 people in the early winter.

scheduled two phone meetings for tomorrow about Project Lifeline, an action that will hopefully help children being held in detention centers near McAllen, Texas.

took a long walk even though I was expecting the skies to open up. AND they did!

prepared three packages to be mailed in the morning.

Sometimes you have to one step and then another; once you start, you will find your rhythm. I am feeling so grateful because that is exactly what happened today.

Hineini, Here I am!!!

Onward with love, light, & action,
Chava

PS – I’d love your feedback on my blog, my writing, my thinking, and/or my Activist Cards!!! Feel free to like or comment. I will try to respond to all comments to this blog. Input is always welcome.

(Note: To learn more information on #The100DayProject which is also known as #ActivistCardsByChava, you can see https://wp.me/pthnB-3cH.)

Since February 14, 2018’s mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland Florida which killed 17 people, I have been both obsessed and inspired by the power of raw honesty. Those that choose to show up, really show up with their imperfectly perfect selves, are the ones to make a difference. While they may fumble over their words or their actions, it’s their open hearts that will ultimately shine and do what needs to be done so that positive change has the possibility of happening. Without a doubt, I believe only a badass can make this world a better place.

Look at the Parkland students who galvanized an entire country with the “March of Our Lives” Rally in Washington DC, and sister cities all over the country. While they should have been home healing, they consciously took to the road and forced many of us to do the same. But that isn’t all they did. The students were found speaking all over the place!

As Delaney Tarr said so eloquently, “We’ve had enough of thoughts and prayers…To every lawmaker out there: No longer can you take money from the NRA. No longer can you fly under the radar doing whatever it is that you want to do … We are coming after every single one of you and demanding that you take action.”

Emma Gomez has continued blowing me away each and every time she has spoken including when she said, “Every single person up here today, all these people should be home grieving. But instead we are up here standing together because if all our government and President can do is send thoughts and prayers, then it’s time for victims to be the change that we need to see. Since the time of the Founding Fathers and since they added the Second Amendment to the Constitution, our guns have developed at a rate that leaves me dizzy. The guns have changed but our laws have not.”

These aren’t the only people making a difference. I see people all over the world using their voices, their bodies, their dedication, and their words to stand up in city halls, outside city halls, inside politician’s offices, and wherever they can. So many of us are tired, really tired. I know I am. And yet, we are dedicated to making this our country and this world a better place.

Congressman Beto O’Rourke has been blowing me away as he tirelessly reaches out to EVERYONE in every Texas city/county in his bid to replace Ted Cruz as the next senator of Texas. Let’s talk about a badass. Watching him show his love for ALL Texans is empowering. Meanwhile, Ted Cruz has done his best to refrain from talking to anyone who may have a dissenting vote.

I am in awe of every badass I see. We all need to show up over the coming days, weeks, months, and years. What the political climate has shown me is that we all should have shown up before now, but wow. . .now look at us!!!

What are you doing to make our world a safer and better place? If you aren’t doing anything outside of your day to day and want to, just let me know. I will help you find something. As for me, I am doing my part with Project Lifeline, Door l’Door, and my writing.

Hineini, here I am! Where are you?

Onward with love, light, creativity, & action,
Chava

PS – I’d love your feedback on my blog, my writing, my thinking, and/or my Activist Cards!!! Feel free to like or comment. I will try to respond to all comments to this blog. Input is always welcome.

(Note: To learn more information on #The100DayProject which is also known as #ActivistCardsByChava, you can see https://wp.me/pthnB-3cH.)

In a funny way #ActivistCardsByChava have fueled my passion for activism in a way that I never saw coming. In this moment, I am charged by all the beautiful things I am doing both professionally and through activism.

Just this morning, I woke up and took my 5 mile walk so that I could make sure I took care of myself. If I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to do half of the things I want to do.

In the last 36 hours, I have not stopped except to sleep. EVERYTHING I am doing feels like holy work from collaborating on a workshop with two amazing people from the Episcopal Church that post Hurricane Harvey is sharing space at my synagogue to getting ready for a new program/school year at my congregation. I love my work!

And then there is my work with Door l’Door, my nonprofit which gives Jewish ritual objects to those that lost their homes due to natural disasters. One year, post Hurricane Harvey, I just got off the phone with not one, but two families that are rebuilding their Jewish toolboxes. They lost nearly everything to the floodwaters that would not stop coming. For more information: https://www.door-ldoor.org/ Fortunately Door l’Door will be able to make a difference, we will be able to give them a kosher mezuzah to go on the doorpost of their homes and other Judaica too. This is only due to the generosity of those that have given money and ritual objects to Door l’Door.

And tonight I followed up with the visionaries behind Project Lifeline and let them know that I was ready to recruit some people for our amazing caravan to take supplies to the children in McAllen, Texas. https://www.facebook.com/events/201578690513600/ On September 29, Join Us in Standing Up for Humanity. We need to witness as we try to get the supplies to the children that are missing some of the most basic of needs while being held in detention centers.

And I have been active in political actions as well as seeking ways to bridge gaps between people that simply don’t see things along the same lines. I am seeking to support preexisting organizations that are creating opportunities to listen and share differing political views. I am also working towards becoming a better listener myself.

And I helped a neighbor who was struggling with her precious, but tenacious rescued puppy. Of course, I also took time to love my own rescued puppies, one who is 8 months and needs some serious training. I wasn’t looking for this puppy that desperately needed a home; this spring was not the best time to adopt a puppy. And yet, how could I do anything differently than I did.

Creating these Activist Cards is inviting me to look inside myself and ask, “Am I doing enough? Am I showing up and making the world a better place?” While in some ways, I think what I am doing is AWESOME, I also feel insignificant sometimes and wish I could do more, give more, and be more. But here is the deal, I am showing up with a full heart and a willingness to give it my all.

My passion for life runs deep – always. And I haven’t even mentioned my writing and nurturing my own family and friends. Life is full, but sometimes there is no tomorrows, so today I am showing up and trying to be the best person that I can be.

I’d love to know what your doing?

Onward with love, light, & creativity,
Chava

PS – I’d love your feedback on my blog, my writing, my thinking, and/or my Activist Cards!!! Feel free to like or comment. I will try to respond to all comments to this blog. Input is always welcome.

Over the coming period of time, I will share how I use writing to quiet my mind, to navigate darkness, to center my spirit, and to propel myself forward. As Joan Didion says,

“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking,
what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.
What I want and what I fear.”

For various reasons, I often feel silenced. This is not working for me any longer. People have every right to interpret my words in any way they want. Take what touches you and move forward as you wish. But here is one thing that you, the reader, should know – Once I release my words into the universe, they have come to do what they were meant to do.

While I share my writing unapologetically, I also write because I have no choice, it is how I am best able to walk in the world.

Writing,
the song of my heart;
the meaning of my mind;
the feeling of my soul;
Is what makes me One.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The last few couple of months have stretched me and inspired me to see my reflection in ways that surprised me. I am facing new fears in very direct ways and having the honesty that I need to move forward.

If you asked me what am I most afraid of in my life? I would have a really hard time answering you. You see, I struggle with overwhelming vulnerability at times and yet, I always emerge. I have a way of doing the dance of life that allows me to navigate even when I feel like I am suffocating.

Recently, I have faced loss and heartbreak, I have also navigated loneliness more honestly than ever before. And I have started spiritual work that forces me to really look at myself in the mirror. Admitting vulnerability can be transformative or crippling. I am shooting for transformative. I am reaching for the stars and moving, always moving, forward. I am not sure that I have a choice.

When I allow myself to go there, darkness seems be a little too present in my life these days (and nights too). So much so that I have wondered, ‘How did I ever think I should change my last name, Gal-Or, or wave of light?’ I must have been a fool. And then I realize that I have to stop then negative self-talk and own what I fear most in my life. I am so afraid that I am afraid that I will never be enough, do enough to make the world a better place, or be loved enough because I am not worthy enough.

Quieting that ridiculous inner voice and actively engaging in the world as I do should be easier than it is. And yet, I have to consciously decide to:

breathe deeply

read and listen to inspirational people

write and then write some more

laugh as much as possible

chant

walk and keep walking

take time to connect with those I adore (especially my sons, my animals, and my closest friends)

play

always embrace my vocations, my job and my new nonprofit – Door l’Door). I am so blessed to so what I love.

have family dinners

listen to music that lifts me up

Nurturing my spirit takes so much work and doing the above soul work is the only way I know to come to a place of knowing/believing that I may actually be enough.

While taking care of myself means remembering to do what I need to do, it is also important to release that which doesn’t serve me any longer. This is profoundly sad to me and so important too. By letting go of what doesn’t work, I make space for the infinite possibilities that surround me. With an open door, new opportunities abound.

Yes, life is hard, but I don’t have to make it any harder than it is. As long as I remember:

Rising above my fears is not an option. I am enough. I got this!!

With that in mind, I want to share this AMAZING and inspirational music video called Rise by Mikey Pauker. If you haven’t heard it or even if you have, listen and then listen again. (link below)

Somehow I found the strength to push through an exhausted day. From the moment I woke up until this moment, I have felt exhaustion coursing through my veins. At the same time, I have been able to push through and even do my selfie challenge in the last possible minute. While it may not be posted before midnight, it will be completed. 🙂

Now that is something to be proud of.

And then there are the connections I made today. Each time I feel the most disconnected, I am surprised by who shows up. . . .today was no different.

I am tired, too tired to elaborate, but I am really happy that today I pushed through my mood and then ultimately connected with people who want to help me with Door l’Door,-my new non-profit. AND I am also having awesome experiences with my work and friendship circles too.

As someone who finds the gifts in the challenges and the beauty in the darkness, I struggle to find any sparks of light on December 31st. In fact the last week of December is always a veil of darkness for me. Deep breaths don’t help, chanting makes me miss what no longer exists, and the doldrums have a way of overtaking my spirit.

Regardless of the amount of love that surrounds me, I feel alone. Yet being alone is not something that really bothers me any other time of year.

Deep breath.

With approximately 9 hours left of 2017, I am going to try to shake the blues by being honest and doing what I am known – finding light in the shadows.

My Happy Place: East Bay, California

Just over a year ago, I stood at one of my favorite places in the world. Granted, I haven’t done much traveling, but I so love the Bay Area of California. In fact, I love it so much, that I have this photo in my bedroom, it is one of the first sights I see when I open up my eyes each morning and in my writing corner I have a similar photo of an empty bench looking out into that same beautiful water.

Looking out into the water, most any water, is one of the only ways that I find center and quiet my mind. Taking the time to write, journal, or blog from my heart does the same for my spirit. With that in mind, I am going to do some soul sharing, writing from the deepest depths of my despair.

This year has been really painful for me. I have felt lonelier than I have ever felt in my life. Physically I was forced to see myself differently than I ever had. Too many loved ones were devastated by plagues of physical and emotional hell. The two countries that I love have broken my heart – again and again. And financially, I had to come to grips with the knowledge that as fortunate as I am, I have not taken care of myself or even given my sons some of their basic needs.

The biggest challenge came when my back went out, I realized how systemically broken I was. My core strength was not only physically gone, but metaphorically shattered. And while surgery did a beautiful job of improving what was wrong, I can’t seem to do what I need to do to finish the healing process. I don’t have what it is to lose my excess weight and exercise as I need to. And yet, I am moving and even losing a little weight. And financially, the surgery has kept me in a hole I was hoping to leave.

And then there was Hurricane Harvey. Hurricane Harvey unleashed the bile in my soul. I no longer feel safe. Rational or irrational. In just a moment, all could be lost and I don’t feel like I have a safety net to save me or my sons. And yet, the the truth is that when I really need help, any kind of help, my village shows up. I know that I am loved more deeply than I deserve. My family is held by so many people that have shown up time and again to support us in profound ways.

Twenty-eight years ago, I was married. I thought it would last forever, it didn’t. And while I don’t question the need for it to be over, there is a part of me that mourns the ending on what would be today’s 28th anniversary.

There are more skeletons in my closet that don’t need to be shared, but the waning weeks of the year are rarely good for my spirit. In fact, they remind me of how very dark I am capable of going. Yet when I allow myself to open up heart and my memory, I know that I always end up exactly where I need to be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Writing is truly how I navigate the jagged edges of my soul and how I am able to land on my two beautiful feet.

While the challenges of 2017 often felt insurmountable, they never were. With this in mind, I am going to follow the teachings of Swami Vivekananda:

Every step I take in light is mine forever.

So here are some beautiful rays of light that have emerged when despair threatened to take over.

While back pain left me crippled, I had the most amazing surgeon who understood that he had to act quickly so that I wouldn’t lose the use of my leg. And I had two amazing friends that came to support me when my fear of being alone was crashing down around me. I do have more work to do so that my surgery can remain the success that it was. This has to be the year of more weight loss and more movement too.

“When Jewish homes are destroyed, Door l’Door will provide each family
with a new mezuzah and other Judaica. Together,we can restore
their spirits, nourish their souls, and renew their faith.”

With each step I take, my truths are resonating with my spirit. I am becoming more whole and more holy. My creativity is nurturing the person I am and the person I am meant to become. Transformation is allowing me to thrive in ways I never felt possible.I am finding peace in the broken parts of me. And on a good day, I am growing to love the woman I am and the woman I am becoming too. I am doing the best to trust this journey that I am on. As a seeker, I feel blessed to have found the words that I will embrace for this coming year. My hope is to strengthen the Spiritual Warrior within and share that essence with my beloveds and those in my world.

With seven hours left of this year, I think I am ready to soar and emerge to a better place.

Hineini, Here I am! I am alive! I am thriving! I have made it to this time!

. . . .some days are just hard. Regardless of how upbeat I usually feel, there are days or parts of days when I struggle to find center. I am human.

I believe that at some point in time or another, this is a reality that all of us face, but that doesn’t make those down moments any easier. And yet while it is important to allow ourselves to feel however we are feeling, we also need to allow ourselves to actively navigate the depression so that we can land in a better place.

The beautiful tree to the left flooded my spirit with so many emotions when I noticed it on my friend’s Facebook page today. Literally, I started bouncing all over the place. I found myself finding center, feeling sad, loving the water, wanting to do tree pose, or Vrksasana in Sanskrit, for balance and centering. And then I found myself taking a deep breath and breathing in the sunset over the water in what of my favorite areas of the country. While the photo is absolutely stunning, it also reminds me of the deep loneliness that I sometimes feel. Remember, I did warn you that this photo took my emotions all over the place.

And yet, I rarely feel lonely for long. Today, I reached out and asked for help. I let my Facebook tribe know, “Inspiration Needed. . . All pick ups welcome (sayings, stories, TedTalks, songs. . . ) My spirit needs a lift.” And with that, I received nearly a dozen suggestions of what to sayings, photos, TedTalks, beautiful reminders to let me know I am loved, and reasons to laugh at life’s absurdities at the expense of adorable babies and kittens.

Yes I am sad, but by acknowledging how I am feeling and reaching out to my tribe, I can start moving forward and finding balance. While I understand some of my sadness, I also know that my spirit needed to go inward this past week and I didn’t really have the time, so I am paying for it on my last day off for a while. AND I am aware that although Houston is my home now, everyone is busy and I have yet to find chanting/drumming circles or hiking trails and friends that want to go with me. (Note: When I lived in Tucson, I used to go off on my alone a lot until my sons found out. It was one of those days, I tripped, skinned my knees, ran into a fox, struggled climbing down a mountain, and then found a scary snake in my path. 🙂 Needless to say, my sons now forbid to hike alone. Oh, have I told you that I am a total klutz?)

Reality Check
Since starting this blog, my spirit is lifting. I was able to share my spirit with the most amazing Torah Study Group EVER! I took some time to shed a few tears. . .ok, I didn’t have a choice. . .the tears came whether I wanted them or not. And I just found out that Door l’Door was in Pittsburgh Jewish Chronicle this week and with that came an email saying that someone wanted to support my efforts. Around that same time, another friend, a rabbi in New York, reached out to me to share that he and a couple of his congregants will be supporting the work of Door l’Door.

Time to stand a little taller, ground myself a little more deeply, and to reach my arms out into the universe. I got this. Hard days come and challenging days go!

What I learned today is that if I show up with the both the vulnerability and authenticity that drives my spirit, I will be held until I can better hold myself.