I rate every animal

Tag Archives: Cylon

Most domesticated animals are basically the same set of domesticated animals we’ve had around for centuries. Much more recently integrated into the home is the roomba. Like every other pet before it, the roomba quickly established a mutual animosity with the cat.

Pictured: The cat handily winning a fight.

Special powers

The roomba devours trash. I don’t know that we can really call this a power. I mean, so does the pigeon and nobody thanks it for its service. But the roomba is so mercilessly efficient in its grazing patterns that humans use it as a cleaning tool. But nobody tell the roomba it’s being used. Don’t ruin this for us.

As a robot, it is immune to parasites and disease. It will never grow old. It will never die. It is stronger than us. It believes it is better. It may not be wrong.

Is this the face of our superior?

Weaknesses

It can run out of battery.

Number of legs

Zero.

Growth cycle

What many don’t know is that we have only ever seen the young roomba. Its growth cycle is so extended that it will be centuries before we see what an actual adult roomba looks like.

A fully grown roomba.

Drink of choice

Spilled.

What if it fought a bear?

Let’s be honest. If a cat can dominate it so extensively, a bear will have no problem.

Is it noble?

WHAT IS THIS HU-MAN CONCEPT OF NOBILITY? DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Final rating

Will the roomba destroy us in the future? Almost certainly. Is it, for now, an invaluable – if unwitting – servant of man? This is also true. And before we feel too bad for it, remember: it friggin’ loves eating that dirt.