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Miss Mustang 2010

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gents—time for the most gorgeous and talented mustangs of the world to unite in the spirit of healthy and cut-throat competition. Girls started arriving yesterday, boasting their thick fur coats and slimmed-down physiques. As long as I’ve emceed this event (see Miss Mustang 2009 | Miss Mustang 2008) I’ve never seen a more gorgeous crop of contestants.

Meet RuthAnn, our lovely contestant from Pennsylvania. With big city determination and Amish roots, RuthAnn brings a breadth of qualities to Miss Mustang that we’ve never seen before. Her quiet grace has already charmed the hooves off of her fellow competitors, and she’s a horseshoe-in for the Miss Congeniality award at the very least.

Speaking of big city determination, Roxanne comes the San Francisco Bay Area, where she works as a systems analyst and regularly lopes in marathons to stay fit. Her athletic ability is not to be matched.

A clique forms every year, and this year the Terrible Twosome is turning out to be Muffy and Buffy, two preppies from Massachusetts and Connecticut, respectively.

Between their old money breeding and their Ivy League educational backgrounds, Muffy and Buffy keep to themselves, discussing such matters as Sperry Topsiders, madras Bermuda shorts, Hilton Head Island, and—of course—their stud boyfriends Skip and Chip.

They’re going to have to open up, or popular opinion will quickly turn against them.

Plus, preppy is so over. As it turns out, pink and kelly green do not go together. Never have. Never will.

It’s the pink and green that killed preppy. Everyone knows that.

Please help me welcome Sondra, our beautiful mustang from Missouri. Sondra attends school during the day, waits tables at night, and spends any remaining waking moments volunteering her time at an area oat kitchen, where she does her part to stamp out mustang hunger.

(Hey, Sondra—you’ve got ice on your back. Not sure if you were aware.)

Paula, our girl from Idaho, is embracing the Miss Mustang emphasis on healthy bodies and good eating habits. Paula, like our organizers, is dismayed by the emphasis on extreme thinness, both in Hollywood and across the country.

“Whoever said visible ribs and sternums were attractive needs to just shut up and eat more hay,” Paula said in a pre-pageant interview.

It’s brutal honesty like this that’s made Paula a favorite among judges.

There are so many beautiful contestants: Monique from Montana…

Claire from Colorado…

And Fiona from Florida.

Fiona’s cute and all…but get this: she only has one good side.

Seriously. She’s terrified to move for fear her bad side will be photographed.

*VIEWER WARNING*

One can hardly blame her. Poor Fiona.

*VIEWER WARNING* (For slightly different reasons…)

Now, wait just a minute. What are the Barbi Twins doing here?!? We’ve kicked them out of the pageant several times before, and they just refuse to give up!