Why There’s No Such Thing As Right Guy, Wrong Time

I can’t even count the number of times friends have told me post-breakup that the guy was perfect but it just “wasn’t the right time.” I hate to burst your bubble, but this excuse is invalid. There is no such thing as the right guy coming into your life at the wrong time.

There is simply no wrong time for love (however, there’s really no “right” time either). When you love someone, you make an active decision to be committed to them; you work together to weather all the storms life throws your way. There is no wrong time to make the choice to be faithful and committed to someone. It’s a beautiful, exciting, challenging part of life, and it’s an amazing thing to meet someone who you’re willing and ready to take that step with.

Sure, it’s scary and difficult, which can make it feel like it’s not the right time. However, it’s just an illusion. In reality, you and the one you love can absolutely make it work. If you’re both willing to give 100% and promise to make each day better than the next, it can and will work for you regardless of age, money, health, career, or other obstacles in your personal life.

There are several reasons you might feel like this relationship just happened at the wrong time. The 3 major ones are: you don’t really want to be with them, you got scared of how serious things were, or you’re just not ready/unwilling to put in the effort to make it work.

1. Sometimes, two people, in the process of growing emotionally, end up becoming very different people. You wind up wanting different things and having different values and those are two issues that you typically cannot make work in a relationship. As sad as it is, sometimes you might feel like it wasn’t the right time for you to get into something serious and had to leave but the truth is, you just didn’t want to be with that individual anymore. This isn’t something to punish yourself for or assume you’re incapable of having a serious relationship. Sometimes, people change and it’s a good thing. It allows you to move forward with the experiences and lessons so that you can find someone more suited for you.

2. Another issue is fear. Sometimes, a relationship starts to get serious and we panic. It’s only natural. This can be more than many people can handle and they ultimately decide to back out and claim the breakup is due to ill-timing. There is nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. You’re only human and hopefully you’ll be able to take some time to figure things out and work on yourself. You’ll have much more to offer if you’re confident in who you are.

3. It’s also possible that you or your partner (or maybe both) were not ready. You just couldn’t get to the point where you would put in the effort needed to make things work. This could be due to immaturity, emotional issues, or simply not the person for you. While I don’t believe there can be a wrong time for love, there can be a wrong time for relationships. Sometimes you need to do some growing or sort out your baggage, habits, insecurities, or other issues before you can be in a healthy relationship with another person. Again, there is nothing wrong with taking a step back and reassessing your life, even if it means ending a relationship.

Love, dating, and relationships are a key part of life. More often than not, it can all be overwhelming and present challenges that feel insurmountable. The good news is, there is no wrong time to fall in love. It takes just about every bit of compassion, patience, cooperation, and kindness you have. It also requires a whole lot of maturity and self-awareness. That being said, when love works, it’s the most amazing thing that can happen to you. You’ve just got to be willing and open. If he’s really the right guy, timing doesn’t have to matter.

5 COMMENTS

Gillian, I like your posts. You married young and feel that you have to defend that decision against the dominant narrative. However, I support your decision. I think that marrying young when you can bond to one man is better than sampling a lot of men and having trouble bonding to your husband–besides which, you have all your ex-es contacting you after you marry. I see so many older divorced women looking for a man to settle down with–they keep trying one man after another, but eventually going home to their cats. Or they settle for a boring chump and maybe get some on the side. The chump may mow the lawn, fix things around the house, deal with car repairs, bring in lots of income, but he’s still a boring chump.

Hot guys have options and rarely want to settle down unless they are young. Better to buy lottery tickets than count on marrying a hot guy when you’re older. Of course, maybe cats are underrated…

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