The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Government To Monitor "News In Shorts."

The government has announced plans to monitor blogging and social networking sites in order to protect us from ourselves. While the DVLC has been flogging off our details to criminals the Tories seem more concerned that sites like "The News In Shorts" might be telling the truth about them. We asked an unnamed government minister for a comment; "Sites such as your are subversive inasmuch as they spread democracy to people who might not know what to do with it. Democracy is an export industry in this country and is not for home consumption. We do approve of people expressing their opinions when they're a bunch of foreigners with access to oil, but peasants in this country should be gagged to prevent them expressing dangerous ideas about bankers, businessmen and politicians. On that basis we've decided to monitor all forms of communication in the unlikely event that someone might say something bad about us or our rich mates. It is also true that there are a great many people in this country who do not share our culture and these people, when they are not working in jobs that British just won't do, have to be closely watched in case they blow things up. So, for the safety of everyone, we have decided to snoop on as many people as possible." Well, as my Mom used to say, "If you listen to other people's converstions you never hear anyhting good about yourself."