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Sep 5, 2015

Hijacking Suspects Still On The Loose

Big Spring, Wi-- Law enforcement officers from Adams, Columbia, Juneau, and Sauk Counties converged on a hijacked tractor-trailer load of Wackemall Cheese en route to an undisclosed location in another state.

Since it was discovered just 10 years ago that Wackemall mined in North Carolina could greatly enhance the quality and flavor of cheeses, the Wisconsin dairy industry has enjoyed a huge surge in profits from selling their new lines of high end, wildly popular Wackemall cheeses sold primairly to the richest 1% of the world's population.

Troopers first got the call at 11:03 PM when a factory north of Wisconsin Dells reported their gate had been smashed and a truck and trailer stolen. Wisconsin Highway Patrol spokesman, Trooper A.E. Appleton refused to identify the actual location of the cheese factory saying, "The theft of Wackemall Cheese has become so prevalent we are hesitant to disclose which cheese factories do and do not make Wackemall Cheese for fear we'll be helping the thieves steal more. At almost $1,000 per pound this stuff is like eating gold."

Wackemall enhanced foods not only taste better but are believed to extend life expectancy by several decades, perhaps a hundred years or more. Thus the reason for its value as a food product.

After an hour long chase along east bound Interstate 94 the thieves turned the truck around crashing into several emergency vehicles just past Lake Denton and returned to Wisconsin Dells before exiting onto Route 23. Finally with the help of a septic tank truck recruited from Quinnell's Septic and Well Service they managed to block the road and bring the stolen rig to a grinding halt.

Appleton explained that the suspects are still on the loose and that drivers should avoid Route 23 for the next 3-5 days, perhaps longer.