'People like Alexandra will learn there is a side to the tech industry that will not welcome her or her talents, and will judge based on her gender.' Photograph: Eric Risberg/AP

Over the weekend at the Techcrunch Disrupt hackathon in San Francisco, Australian duo Jethro Botts and David Boulton jumped on stage to present Titstare, an app that lets you "stare at tits". As they presented their project in under 60 seconds, the audience laughed at the numerous tit-related puns.

Later, software developer Kangmo Kim jumped on stage to show CircleShake, a game app that measures how much someone can shake a phone within 10 seconds. The best way to display this was to simulate masturbation. The audience found it hilarious. “We merged technology and humanity”, Kim told the audience after groaning.

It’s understandable that screening measures at a hackathon would be lax, especially given the fluid nature of development. However, part of the process for Disrupt was for developers to upload their personal and project details, along with video, to the hackathon’s wiki. So the organisers presumably knew about the presentations' content in advance. They posted an apology, which is too little too late.

Kim’s wiki entry is still up and, while the text reads mundanely, the video content, with all its comedic grunting, gives a clear indication of what would happen on stage. I cannot find mention of Botts, Boulton or Titstare, which would suggest that not only did the organisers allow a breach in process, they have tried to hide the details by removing any reference to the pair. Given they had audio-visual footage incorporated into their presentation, it suggests the organisers not only knew of their project, they also allowed them to present.

All of this underscores the dichotomy of the tech scene: a world presented as an egalitarian free for all where anyone can get ahead on merit, and where ideas are the best currency. In other words, a perfect meritocratic system. And yet the industry runs on privilege, with sexist and juvenile behaviour based on gender stereotypes being routinely displayed.

What message does this send to the men, women and children who attended the event? Like Alexandra, the nine year old girl who presented her own app and was able to win over an audience with behaviour more mature than others?

Is it worth explaining to Alexandra that if she continues to study development with a view to employment, she will be absorbed into the 19% of women who work as engineers in the industry and get 49 cents to every dollar a man receives? Perhaps we could show Alexandra the job ads that refer to women as a hiring lure, because apparently they’re not there to work?

Naturally, you might also want to show her more inspiring and optimistic examples. You could mention Marissa Meyer, Sheryl Sandberg or even Sara Haider or Parisa Tabriz. But by mentioning the few names you know (and most people would only know the first two), it’s apparent we have too few – these women stick out not because they’re the norm, but because they are the exception.

You might even want to share with Alexandra inspirational blogs or YouTube channels featuring women who work in the industry. But hide the comments, because no nine year old needs to see how women in the tech industry are treated: called whores, threatened with rape and murder, or sent photoshopped images of them bound and decapitated. Because that’s just not proper for a nine year old to see.

Perhaps you would need to explain to Alexandra that Australians are a bit different, irreverent larrikins who like banter. More tit banter from those wacky Australians! Sure, they have pretensions to adequacy with their recent ascent to chair the UN Security Council, but if the new prime minister can make jokes about sexy women and consider it an effective communications strategy, why can’t two developers?

With two 60 second presentations of tits and jerking off, people like Alexandra will learn there is a side to the tech industry that will not welcome her or her talents, and will judge based on her gender.

Yet, in 60 seconds, Alexandra showed them there is a new front coming. There’s no doubt there are large swaths within the industry who are committed to overturning this divisive hostility towards women, just as there are men who cringe at the term “brogrammer”. Instead of merging “technology and humanity”, let’s attempt to merge technology with equality.

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