World's Stoners Devastated To Learn Alice in Wonderland is About Math

The math world has rocked the global pothead community by announcing that the Lewis Carrol classic Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is in fact a satire about math. This can only be seen as retribution for being uncool.

Totally square and boring news outlets like The New York Times, which is like so long – and would be much better if they made it from rolling papers so you could actually reuse it – and National Public Radio have finally debunked the totally rad notion that the book was an instructional manual to the ultimate trip.

The Looking Glass is no longer a door to perception. The Times reports that Lewis Carrol, who was actually mathematician Charles Dodgson, was satirizing new ideas in Victorian Algebra. The famous tea party, long considered by watchers of Disney's Fantasia to indicate a slang term for a marijuana-smoking session, actually stands for t for time, and the Mad Hatter, the Hare and the Dormouse are debating the finer points of quaternions, a number system used to calculate motion?

This is fully a downer.

"It's about algebra?" asked Jellybean Starchild, who was scraping her bong in a break from her job making jewelry from spare Rubic's Cube pieces. "I hadn't heard that. I mean, all the stuff about mushrooms, and the hallucinogenic caterpillar smoking a hookah. That was math?

"It's like Lewis Carrol was taunting us."

Other stoners have called to rally against this fully lame news. Take Back the High is a new national group which has organized rallies around the traditional, and by traditional we mean cool stoner interpretation, of Alice in Wonderland, but nobody seems to remember when and where the protests are supposed to happen.

"I'm in a funk jam band called Jabberwock," said Guitar Center employee Andy Barnes. "It had that sort of, you know, classic psychedelic name to it. Now we might as well change it to the Negative Square Roots.

Jefferson Airplane/Starship/Dirigible singer Grace Slick was not at all surprised about the news. The singer of 1960's psychedelic anthem "White Rabbit" had only this to say: "of course it's about algebra. What the hell did you think "feed your head" was supposed to mean?"

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