I have met and gotten to know some of my neighbors, who are nice and fun to hang out with. One couple lives across the street, and their kids play with Bunt, they are really cool, nice, etc... We've hung out a few times - bonfire, darts in the basement, a few drinks, etc...

The last two times I hung out over there, a friend of the husband's was there. His best friend. So, I'll call him BF. BF was very intoxicated both times. It was late in the night that I saw them and they said come on over... so everyone had been drinking quite a bit already.

The first time, we were all in the basement shooting darts when I notice he keeps touching me. Sort of innocently, then bolder... like on my hip and waist. I dodged, having no interest in a super drunk person... and I was sober. He walked me home that night, and I politely turned down his advances. Laughed it off. He is cute, my age, divorced with kids... but when drunk wasn't attractive.

Anyway, the next time was last Saturday - July 6. I was out boating all day and came home late - got dropped off by friends, and saw the neighbors out. They called over to me and said come over. I grabbed a few beers, and went. BF was there again, and already drunk. Same thing happened, but this time the neighbors disappeared for a while to go put their kids to bed, and he came on stronger. This time I was intoxicated as well, and we hooked up. He gave me a business card, asked me out for that week - to a baseball game, and I said sure.

The next morning he text me (I must have given him my #), reminded me about the game Thursday, said he'd really like to go with me, and then said I was a great kisser. I said I wasn't sure, and he replied that he was a great guy, would treat me well, we'd have a lot of fun, and I should go and give it a chance. I said maybe, and would tell him the next day.

Shit hit the fan with my daughter, so I turned him down. Bad timing. Still thought he might be someone to date, though... but wanted to see how we got along while NOT drinking first.

I text him that I couldn't go, and that I was sorry... very late that night I got this reply:

12:34 am "I'm spending night with my wife, we are getting counseling. I'm sorry should have told you but I love her and want my family back"

Then at 1:35 AM "joke"

I saw that the next day, and thought - wow WEIRD joke... but chalked it up that maybe he was drinking and just thought he was being funny... idk... now I realize it must have been her that sent the first one. I never replied and haven't heard from him.

The last two days I've been getting calls from a restricted number. Didn't think anything of it, although that normally doesn't happen to me. My drama is all LONG over with.

This morning, got a call from a regular local number, so I answered it. It was his wife... well, ex wife/fiance, whatever...

She told me who she was, said they are going to the courthouse to get re-married, are in counseling, and said that they are together. Then she said she's not sure why I am after him, but she wanted me to know. I said ok... hold on... and I explained who I was, who my neighbors are, how I met him, and exactly what happened both times. I told her about him asking me out, and me turning him down, etc...

She then began telling me that he's an alcoholic, and was abusive to her while drinking when they were married. Said he is sup to be getting help for all that, and they are in counseling working on it, and working on putting their family back together.

What an asshole! She also said I'm not the only one she has found out about. I asked her if she had been calling restricted and she said yes and apologized. I said no problem, explained that I had BTDT, and it was fine for her to call. I advised her to walk away, that he obviously isn't really trying to change, and that I was very sorry - it was my understanding that he was completely free and single. I also told her I'm glad she called, because I had considered dating him. WOW

Bullet DODGED...

BUT - then I got to work and talked to my neighbor online - the woman. She said from her understanding, the wife is batshit crazy, psychotic, goes through his phone whenever he comes to see his kids and takes numbers out of it, and he wants nothing to do with her.

I have no idea what the situation is and what is true... holy drama on a Tuesday morning, though...

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 11:08 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

I'd be throwing the whole lot of them into the "avoid at all costs" bucket and then walking away.

You can call me NIK

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 29085 | Registered: Aug 2011

chikastuff♀ 35288Member # 35288

Posted: 11:09 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Bullet dodged is right!! OMG, how crazy. Ditto NIK, get rid of them and I'm seriously question my friendship with the neighbors. That's messed up.

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England

cryingdaily♀ 7276Member # 7276

Posted: 11:10 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Holy crap.

There really isn't much left to say about all that other than.....please lose my number.

Well, in his defense, it was very late both times, and EVERYONE had been partying and having a good time... drinking. I do the same, so I don't judge.

I don't think there is anything wrong with responsible adults drinking (he never drove home) and having fun now and then. I wouldn't have automatically thought it was a problem.

The thing that I find a bit interesting is that if he is what she said he is - an abusive alcoholic, then WHY is she getting back with him and calling me, etc...

I am not going to date him. No desire to... but I can't help but just wonder - if maybe this is an act of desperation from a woman who wants her husband back... in trying to keep him from moving forward and dating.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006

Catwoman♀ 1330Member # 1330

Posted: 11:41 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

This crowd certainly puts the "fun" in dysfunction, don't they?

I'd leave the crazy to someone else. Do you really need or want this sort of drama? Oaky, maybe wifey is or isn't batshit crazy, but hubby drinks like a fish and has poor boundaries and a lousy sense of humor.

You are smart to pass on the lot of them.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29870 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts

ExposedNiblet♀ 30803Member # 30803

Posted: 11:59 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Just chiming in with my vote for the "just walk away" party.

No one needs crazy like this.

Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada

EvenKeel♀ 24210Member # 24210

Posted: 12:07 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

12:34 am "I'm spending night with my wife, we are getting counseling. I'm sorry should have told you but I love her and want my family back"

Then at 1:35 AM "joke"

"She said from her understanding, the wife is batshit crazy, psychotic, goes through his phone whenever he comes to see his kids and takes numbers out of it, and he wants nothing to do with her."

If the last quote was true....he knows his ex is crazy....therefore he would have his phone passworded.

And....if the last quote is true. He was with her in the middle of the night if the ex was able to text from his phone. Doesn't sound like a normal drop-off time for kiddos.

Sounds to me like he was at his ex's giving her the "please give me one more chance baby" plea. She looks in his phone....he fesses up but says he will send you a text letting you know he wants to work it out with his ex to pacifer her. THEN the minute he gets a second alone...he texts you again "joke".

That is my .02 cents opinion of what happened. LOL

Regardless if that is accurate or not, you are doing the right thing by backing away.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2541 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa

stupidstupidme♀ 11888Member # 11888

Posted: 12:12 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

I think that sounds right too! LOL - so WEIRD.

DEFINITELY not dating him.... just making that clear. I like the neighbors. They are my friends. Other than that, nothing else.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006

burnt_toast♀ 16891Member # 16891

Posted: 12:26 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Wow. I'm sorry you had to go though this nonesense.

No matter what the story is, you are doing the right thing by refusing to let drama in your life.

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4982 | Registered: Nov 2007

Grace and Flowers♀ 34431Member # 34431

Posted: 12:39 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

SSM,
Glad youre done with that drama, but one thing in your original post concerned me. You said you were intoxicated, and "must have" given him your phone number. As in, you couldn't remember doing that. I know you werent in a situation where you needed to he driving, but please be careful. If you can't remember giving out your number, bad things can happen. Either you give your number to a crazy, scary person, or worse goes on because you're too intoxicated to know better.

As we head out into the dating world, we have to be extra careful. Good luck!

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US

stupidstupidme♀ 11888Member # 11888

Posted: 12:52 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Yeah, he gave me a business card, and I either called him so he'd have my #, or gave it to him. I don't remember. No, I wasn't driving... I was across the street, it was VERY late - like 4:00 AM and I had been out boating all day... sun and heat and some alcohol, yes...

I would never do that on a new "date" with someone. Never.

and IDK but I view a complete stranger sticking his tongue in my mouth as worse than giving him my number...

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 1:42 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

I think SadMad is concerned that you are getting to a point of not being able to remember, alone with a strange guy, not that you're giving out your number. Stay safe, SSM!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

stupidstupidme♀ 11888Member # 11888

Posted: 1:56 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

ahhhh well yeah... but then again, I guess I assumed that right across the street with the neighbors was safe. Ya NEVER KNOW

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006

Kajem♀ 36134Member # 36134

Posted: 2:40 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

All I have to add... NEXT!

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6069 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida

ladies_first♀ 24643Member # 24643

Posted: 3:59 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

I can't help but just wonder - if maybe this is an act of desperation from a woman who wants her husband back... in trying to keep him from moving forward and dating.

Again - not that it matters, but it crossed my mind. Ya never know...

ahhhh well yeah... but then again, I guess I assumed that right across the street with the neighbors was safe. Ya NEVER KNOW

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009

roughroadahead♀ 36060Member # 36060

Posted: 6:40 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

I agree, it really doesn't matter whether the wife is crazy (that does sound familiar from General or JFO, though). Step away from the madness and the drama.

Respectfully, it does raise flags for me about the drinking. I agree that adults can get together and have a good time. I'm sure most of us do that from time to time. What concerns me is that first, he was actually drunk both times you met him. Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I can't tell you the last time I saw another adult actually drunk. Not "happy" or "buzzed", but drunk. Also drinking to the point of memory impairment is a flag for me. That suggests binge drinking.