Although dad and daughter are separated by an ocean, Father’s Day bonds are strong

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Tracey He, 18, right, poses for a photo with her father, Xiaodong He, during a FaceTime conversation on her iPad in Laguna Niguel on Thursday, June 14, 2018. Tracey’s father is a surgeon who lives in Beijing, China. Tracey, who graduated as valedictorian from Dana Hills High School plans to follow in her fathers footsteps and pursue a career in medicine. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz, Orange County Register/SCNG)

There are 6,248 miles and an entire ocean separating Tracey He and her dad, but distance shrinks to nothing when there’s blood bonds and love.

She is an 18-year-old graduating senior at Dana Hills High. Her father is a practicing surgeon in Beijing.

Following his divorce five years ago, father and daughter only manage to get together once a year when she flies to Beijing. But with FaceTime, they see each other whenever they want.

Tracey He, 18, right, waves to her father Xiaodong He on her iPad during a FaceTime conversation in Laguna Niguel on Thursday, June 14, 2018. Tracey’s father is a surgeon who lives in Beijing, China. Tracey, who graduated as valedictorian from Dana Hills High School plans to follow in her fathers footsteps and pursue a career in medicine. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz, Orange County Register/SCNG)

Tracey He, 18, right, speaks to her father Xiaodong He on her iPad during a FaceTime conversation in Laguna Niguel on Thursday, June 14, 2018. Tracey’s father is a surgeon who lives in Beijing, China. Tracey, who graduated as valedictorian from Dana Hills High School plans to follow in her fathers footsteps and pursue a career in medicine. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz, Orange County Register/SCNG)

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Tracey He, 18, laughs as she speaks to her father Xiaodong He on her iPad during a FaceTime conversation in Laguna Niguel on Thursday, June 14, 2018. Tracey’s father is a surgeon who lives in Beijing, China. Tracey, who graduated as valedictorian from Dana Hills High School plans to follow in her fathers footsteps and pursue a career in medicine. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz, Orange County Register/SCNG)

Tracey He, 18, right, poses for a photo with her father, Xiaodong He, during a FaceTime conversation on her iPad in Laguna Niguel on Thursday, June 14, 2018. Tracey’s father is a surgeon who lives in Beijing, China. Tracey, who graduated as valedictorian from Dana Hills High School plans to follow in her fathers footsteps and pursue a career in medicine. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz, Orange County Register/SCNG)

And here’s the best part — their time together is so precious that when they talk they truly share, even more so than some fathers and daughters who live in the same house.

When He was admitted to the University of Washington with plans to follow in her father’s path to become a surgeon, dad researched the school and came away impressed.

“I’m excited because it’s a really good school,” Dr. Xiaodong He told his daughter, going on to point out the university’s school of medicine is highly ranked.

He shares the memory, “I’m like, wow, I impressed my dad!”

But don’t think He has dedicated her life to following dad. Her commitment to medicine is far deeper.

Breaking down barriers

Divorce can fracture families forever. But smart people understand the end of a marriage isn’t the end of love. It’s merely a fork in life’s highway for the spouses who split.

When her mom remarried and He and her brother landed in Orange County, it would have been easy to mourn moving. But instead, He embraced her new digs with fierce determination.

Her immediate goal? Communication.

He was born in Australia, grew up in China and came to the U.S. at age 13 barely able to speak English.

The first six months were especially tough. “I felt excluded from the normal school life,” He writes in a college essay, “because I was formally stuck with the label of an English learner.”

For much of the school year, He carried her Chinese-English dictionary everywhere. Knowing that some people have little patience for newcomers who struggle with English, she courageously spoke up every chance she had.

Little by little, the work paid off.

Soon, she was able to leave the English Language Development classes behind. He next goal was to become fluent.

“While I was placed in the most basic English class,” He shares, “I studied grammar and additional vocabulary words outside of school. Then I decided to challenge myself with honors courses in all subjects.”

By the time she was a senior, He had a 4.4 grade point average and joined other advanced placement students in taking advanced English and science classes.

She also joined the Dana Hills Varsity Song team, cheering on the basketball and football teams and traveling to other schools during away games.

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Yet along the way, she never forgot her struggles and regularly helps foreign students improve their English. She explains, “I was once in that miserable stage when textbooks and conversations were impossible to interpret.”

Here’s the weird part, at least for me. During a long conversation with He, her diction was so, like totally perfect, I assumed she grew up speaking English.

Nope. Mandarin.

Shadowing dad

In the spirit of Father’s Day, let’s agree that most dads love their kids and that most kids love their dads.

Oh sure, there’s the Johnny Cash lyric, “I went drifting through the capitals of tin / Where men can’t walk / Or freely talk / And sons turn their fathers in.”

But deep down there’s usually love. We can also agree that some people give voice to family bonds more than others.

While collecting thoughts from nearly 300 valedictorians in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside and San Bernardino counties, Orange County Register Photo Director Michele Cardon reported that He was the only one who offered a, “Shout out to my dad for being my biggest inspiration.”

Why the shout out?

As with most solid relationships, it’s layered.

When He was growing up in China, dad helped ferry her to and from swimming and dance classes. Still, like most kids, He admits, “I was disappointed when he came home after midnight or hurried to work on a weekend.”

But He also understood her father’s work was about more than helping pay the bills. “He was always improving the quality of someone’s life.”

After moving to the U.S., when she visited Beijing He started shadowing her father during his rounds at Peking Union Medical College Hospital, also known as Beijing Xiehe Hospital, one of China’s top medical colleges.

She asked questions, talked to her father’s friends at the hospital to learn more, closely observed operations.

“My dad was surprised I wasn’t scared,” He recalls at the first operation she watched. “I was OK with it.”

After long days at the hospital, father and daughter often go out for their favorite dinner — Thai food.

The more she learned, the more she became convinced she wanted a similar career.

“When I saw the transformation in my father’s patients,” she explains, “I secretly planted a wish to become someone who can help more people live without pain.”

Dedication, commitment

At Dana Hills, He enrolled in a program that specializes in medical careers. Along with a series of classes, she also shadowed staff at Kaiser Hospital in Irvine. But that wasn’t enough.

For two years, she volunteered at Mission Hospital in Mission Viejo, working the reception desk, helping deliver everything from food to flowers, assisting with checking in patients.

She loved every minute and ultimately racked up a total of 500 hours.

“I prefer to go to the hospital and be useful,” she says, “instead of being at home watching TV.”

David Whiting is the award-winning Metro Columnist at The Orange County Register. He also can be heard on radio, has served as a television news anchor and speaks frequently at organizations and universities. He previously was an assistant managing editor and has received Columbia University’s Race and Ethnicity Award, National Headliner awards and Sigma Delta Chi’s Public Service Award. He recently was invited to participate in an exchange program with Chinese journalists. He earned his undergraduate degree from the University of Michigan and his master’s from Columbia University’s Graduate School for Journalism. He is a two-time Ironman, a two-time Boston marathoner and has climbed the highest mountains in Africa and North and South America.