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Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Things I am Going to Invent

I have a list of things that I am going to invent (when get around to it) for people with special needs.

My first will be, tooth paste packets, for rednecks with only one tooth. This will save a lot of tooth paste and extra spitting. When you only have one tooth, spitting is hard to do; you just try to do it.

For cats and dogs, a self flushing toilet with training Manuel. Size really matters when selecting your pet’s toilet for you wouldn't want to lose ‘em. Besides, cats don’t like water slides.

An implantable Taser, that all political office holders, must have implanted. It will be a lie detector that zaps them, even if they think about lying. And also will restart their heart in case they over use it.

A mirror that will show me, as I would like to look, and also have speech ability to say something that will make me feel good about myself. There will be two versions that will meet all needs, one for people with inflated egos, who need a bigger boost, and one for those with low esteem that can get by with, just feeling accepted.

A car, that doesn't allow the husband to speak, when the wife is driving. He will sit in an ejection seat that is voice activated. And guess what? Even body language will get him air borne. This will be helpful, especially in traffic.

A credit card that at the end of the month will automatically pay itself off by stamping the bill paid in full. It will be self renewing, and last for a life time, without a credit limit. There will be another version, for those who like to receive monthly statements, and demands for payment or else.

A stove that won't burn my food, and if I leave it on high while I go on vacation, it won't burn the house down.

Since these are things we can't get along without, I had better get to developing them. If you have a special need, let me know what it is, I will try to make it for you. It will take from six to eight weeks.