Slice without fear, cook without bounds

An Onion Tutorial to Make You Cry

I keep getting requests for a tutorial for onions. That definitely makes sense. I mean, you take a vegetable that brings literal tears to your eyes. And then, you make it confusing to cut which means that you’re spending more time with the evil food terrorizing your eyes.

I’ve only cut myself four times with a knife. I consider that to be a success since I really do use them everyday. I mean, I use my computer every day and I still haven’t learned to avoid viruses. I shake hands every day and some how I still miss people’s hands every once in a while like a goon. Why should knife wielding be special?

Once I was washing my knife and talking to my husband about how excited I was about using my new knife for the first time! Next thing I know he’s wrapping my hand in scotch tape and paper towels because “we” had decided that “adults don’t need band-aids in the house.”

Another time was when I was cutting some broccoli. It was my first week on the job at the salad bar and I stuck my thumb on the back end of the blade to stabilize it when…bloop! Kind of stabbed my thumb. That’s why I always suggest buying knives with a rounded back end. Keep those thumbs safe!

And the other one (yes, I’m aware that I’m missing one, but I can’t remember scenario number three) was with onions. I had to slice 30 red onions. I had just taken my cut-resistant gloves off so I could blow my nose and wipe off my eyes. After washing my hands I headed back to the cutting board with 15 onions left. I decided the best thing to do would be to just hunker down and finish them all as fast as possible. With tears streaming down my face I grabbed my knife and went at it furiously. The tricky thing is…I still couldn’t see. So what I learned from this instance is that finger nails are very resilient and will indeed grow back.

Unfortunately, this is just about how to cut them fast. I haven’t yet figured out the key to doing it without crying. Maybe someday. In this tutorial you’ll learn both how to dice an onion and how to make strips. So let’s do this.

1. Get Your Things Together

Chef’s Knife

Onion

Cutting Board

2. First, slice your onion in half.

3. Check out the white part that all of the layers are attached to. This is the stem. It keeps all of the layers together. You’ll want to make sure that you keep that part intact while you cut your onion until the very end. This will make your life a lot easier.

4. Next, place the flat side down and cut off the top. This will be the opposite side of the stem that I just pointed out.

5. Next, use your hands to remove the papery outer layer. If you’re having trouble, just remove the whole first layer of the onion to speed up the process.

6. Next, we’ll make a slice from the top of the onion, down towards the stem. However, you’ll want to stop your cut before you actually slice the whole way through.

7. Next, place the large flat side down and hold the stem with your non-dominant hand. Make five or six slices with the point of your knife facing the stem. Remember, don’t cut through the back end of the onion.

8. After your slices, your onion should look like this!

9. Now leave your onion with the flat side down. Hold onto the stem. Start slicing on the opposite side of the stem and make six or seven slices. That’s how you dice an onion!

10. Next, let’s make slices. Repeat the first five steps to slice your onion in half and peel your onion. Next, hold onto the stem and make five or so slices angled towards the center of the onion.

11. Continue to hold onto the stem and make a slice to separate all of your slices from the stem.

12. Use your hands to separate all of your slices.

13. Get cookin’!

So…I don’t know about you, but I cried just reading this. (Also, it’s good you can’t see my makeup in this picture because my mascara is all over my face by this point.)

Try these out in your dishes and freeze whatever you don’t use right away. These stay well in the freezer for a while and you can pull them out tear free!