Absolutely sh****ng my pants!

This is my second child, first was induced, back labour, epidural, 2 hours pushing followed by a major haemorrhage of 1.2 litres.

I'm just so scared. Things keep running through my mind like what if I can't cope with the pain? What if the epidural fails (presuming I'll have it again) what if something terrible happens to me? What if something terrible happens to my baby?

I keep getting pains etc as though labour is starting and then it all goes away but each time this happens I feel physically sick and like I can't breath properly. This makes me scared of just going into labour let alone going through the full lot followed by the birth! And then waiting to see if I haemorrhage again.

I know I sound ridiculous but I'm just feeling so anxious about it all. Any words of wisdom?

Ooh Not surprised you feel as you do considering you last experience...Have you tried reading on line or listening on you tube to birth hypnosis stuff...worked a treat for me with anxiety....the midwife turned the cd off as I was too chilled!!!

So sorry to hear how anxious you are. I too had a tough first time (ended up with emergency c-section though which doesn't sound as bad as you, poor love) and will definitely be feeling the same way as you in time (only 18 weeks now but definitely know what you're getting at). My hospital has a really good midwife who specialises in anxious patients who has been lovely-can you ask if your hospital has anyone aimilar around? It is NOTHING to be ashamed about. Make sure your notes record your fears so that everyone is aware of your concerns/history and can be sensitive to them. You were so unlucky the first time, and it would surely be unlikely for the same set of circumstances to happen again. I really understand and sympathetise. The idea above sounds v good though. Anything to help you focus your mind elsewhere.

It is frightening. You had an awful first birth and it's bound to make you scared second time around.

I had a long, back to back then augmented (with the drip) labour with ds (my first) and was deeply worried about having my second. After having the drip put in with ds contractions were agony but the mw just kept telling me that I wasn't in labour and couldn't have any more pain relief, she was saying it up until I started pushing. I was still waking up crying about it a year later. When I went I to labour with dd I just felt that the contractions were intense. We went into hospital early after only 2 hours and were told again that I wasn't in labour. Dd was born 3 hours later.

Just a couple of things; I remember dd's birth really fondly, it was amazing and I recovered easily, so it's perfectly possible to have a good birth following a bad one! Also, dp's attitude made a big difference, when ds was born we were both clueless passengers but it wasn't like that when dd was born. When we arrived at hospital I was in a lot of pain and terrified about giving birth. They wanted to send me home but dp looked straight at the mw and simply said we weren't going anywhere. It helped to know that he was on it, on my side and knew what I needed. In hind sight it's a good job they didn't send us home as dd would almost certainly have been born there, as it was she was born on a trolley in the closed induction suite!

I felt powerless too but it helped knowing I had an advocate there for me.