Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Just when I think my life is about as strange as it can manifest, I get an email from my daughter today about her dog, Simon. Since I couldn't add to the retelling, I just pasted the contents. BTW, Bryan is her husband.

"Did I tell you that Simon can get on top of our fridge? We came home one night and he had eaten the cat food up there. Couple days later we found two empty bags that used to contain frozen veggies. Apparently he learned how to open the freezer. Bry came home several days later and the freezer was still open and the dogs had just finished sharing frozen wings. Soooo.....he's a crap head (the dog). Anyway, love ya, talk to you later."Heather

"p.s. Almost forgot---the oven door was open on Friday. He bakes now :)"

This is a collection of sage advice from women in the know!

Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.

-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is redundant!

-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

-Catherine-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.