Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Mom's arrived this weekend. Spent two days and are now prepping to whisk the kids away for the allotted time. It's been a rather enjoyable weekend. Puttering here, visiting there, and exploring places we haven't explored together.As we were awaiting their arrival, Mr & I exchanged a few words while we tidied up a bit, and decided it was too damned hot in the house. A friend had discussed floating down one of the local rivers in the area, and we took him up on the offer. It was wonderfully relaxing, soothing, and the perfect temperature of water. The main bulk of this little river was really only about knee deep, and that was great, considering I let D float along behind me. H opted out of this one, and chose to walk along the shore with dad. This was a feat in itself.Wednesday night we had visited this same friend. The kids were outside, racing around his porch (which wraps around his entire house) on various wheeled toys. I was chasing after H to put his shoes on, as the last time they did this he wound up with slivers in his toes that I had to remove, and he didn't enjoy it. Before I could make him keep his shoes on, he stopped, and told me he had a sliver, while hobbling over to have me get them out.I removed between 18-23 that night when we got home, and the rest were too deep for me to get. I couldn't even tell which direction they were poking into his skin at. H was refusing to walk by this point. He crawled or tiptoed, or straight out refused to walk and insist you carry him.I resolved to take him to the Dr the next morning, figuring they'd be able to give him a local or something so they could remove them. Dr appt. was made, and I picked up the boys to drop me off w/H at the Dr's while they carried on and set up at the beach. 30 minutes later, and the Dr we saw recommended we head south to Kamloops (90 minutes) to see a Pediatric Specialist, who is capable of sedating him to remove them all safely, in one piece, and all at once. OK. Panic button had been pushed, and I rushed around to cancel my afternoon plans. I packed what I needed, informed whom I needed to inform, and hit the road, picking up my Grandpa on the way for support. We got into Kamloops and made a quick stop at the bank (for my parking meter fare) and we headed straight for the ER at Royal Inland Hospital. We waited for Triage for a good 20 minutes, before they passed us through. They had been expecting us, and when the Triage nurse looked at H's feet, he winced and said he understood why.We waited for a good 2 hours before they did the procedure, as they made sure any food he had eaten for lunch (no one told me not to feed him, and in panic I didn't even remember this simple rule) and got him settled down. The IV they gave him was hard on him, and he really wasn't pleased, but by the time he was calmed down from this he was almost falling asleep he was already so tired from the pain and emotions of the day. They began sedating him and attempted to start digging right away, but he really fought the drugs they gave him, and they wound up giving a very large dose. They took about 25 minutes to get about 23 large embedded slivers out of the bottom of his feet. He slept for 2 and 1/2 hours after the procedure was finished. I struggled with him to get him to come around because the dose was so large, he was very groggy and hardly knew what was going on. I held him for the entire procedure, and that is my saving grace.There is hardly anything to compare (in my meager experience) how horrible it is to watch your child being sedated and put under.I count my blessings that my Grandpa was there with me. I had refused to eat or drink, for fear that I would need to step away from the bed and leave H there alone. I realized that I was kind of hungry and asked him to go get me some coffee and a small bite to eat. Hospital time is so odd. It felt like forever, but also like a blink of an eye, and Grandpa was back with a big steaming cup of coffee and two super yummy breakfast sandwiches. He waited with me, and then he watched over H so I could go to the bathroom and clean myself up.I was gone a total of 10 hours, I left town at 12:30 and didn't return until 10:30 at night. I was bone exhausted, and all I wanted was sleep, but once we curled up together I had a difficult time drifting off. He, on the other hand, slept like a rock straight through.He limped a bit the next morning, and recounted vividly his harrowing tale to anyone who phoned to check up on him, and asked for special allowances all day, before we hit the river, and then, magically...everything was better.I love that kids carry on after events such as these, it truly is an amazing thing to watch.Oh, and I never took any pictures of the slivers, I really just didn't think they'd do it any justice, so I didn't even bother to try.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

This is my home. I've not taken better pictures of it than this, because I can't quite feel comfortable in it yet. I don't know why, but it just does not feel like home yet. I haven't quite been able to place my finger on why, but I'm sure it'll come to me sometime.We now live in a one story ranch 3 bedroom home, where my rent is super cheap and all my utilities are included, plus my washer & dryer were supplied.We even have a completely fenced in yard that surrounds 3 sides of my home. Heck, I can even have a cat, dog or any other furry creature I can think of if I want. My child can walk to school on his own in the fall. I can (and have) walk to work when I work at the Daycare now.We've got friends beating down our door for playdates, and we're beating their doors down in return for BBQ's and new children to meet & entertain. I have everything in a home for my children that I've been yearning for since we've moved here.

I've enjoyed living here so far, but I still feel a bit depressed at the thought of leaving our beautiful little cabin in the woods.We don't feel quite like a family since we've moved. Too many conveniences at our fingertips. A school playground close by, a tv in every room, *working* internet. We've lost touch of what it means to be a family. We no longer play spontaneous games that make us all giggle. I no longer feel energetic enough to find something to do, or a game to play.Work is bringing me down, gotta scoop up some new coping mechanisms, be happy with the baby steps, and remember that I can only do so much. I've really got to stop being so hard on myself.The kids leave this weekend with MIL for a 2 week vacation at her home in Washington. Two weeks without children, and I'm pretty sure both Mr & I will be lot for at least 13 of those 14 days. Should be fun to see what comes about from it. I'll try and remember to take pictures.I cannot believe it's the end of July already. One more month and school's back in...god, now I get to figure out where I'm going to go and buy all of D's new school clothes from (I mean, in a small town you've got a pretty limited choice, right?)Lots of reasons bringing this all about. I'll be making a Doctors visit to see if we can't get all the help we can get to solve this issue.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Lots going on here, the weeks are just whizzing by. both kids have now had their turns visiting relatives by themselves, and we've had a slow going of time at home. Home is comfortable, but I'm reminded daily of what a fish-bowl place I picked for us to live. Traffic drives by minute by minute, and I get the feeling that people are watching me. I live right across the street from someone I work with at the daycare, and the daycare manager moved into a house about a block away. Always interesting to consider that we are always being watched, even if we aren't.The boys have been busy, playing with friends, joining C on his "Just Dads" pilot program, and in general enjoying their time off from schedules & over-structure.C took D hiking with a friend of his, and this is a picture of it. They visited Silvertip Falls in Wells Grey Park. They had a lot of fun, and D so badly wanted to adopt a toad he found on the path while they were hiking. Alas, poor Toad had to stay behind.We've been in a constant battle here. D is pushing, very hard, for a new pet. He's desperate for something he can cuddle. He doesn't want to get a pet that he has to share with everyone in the family, but one for himself alone. It's difficult to explain to an 8 year old, the need to wait until Immigration gives us confirmation that Mr can stay in the country. I was heartbroken when my last dog was given away, and I don't want him to get attached and then be forced to give up something he loves.The kids have settled into the new house comfortably. They enjoy all their toys, the ability to play outside without fear of some wild animal attacking, and the ability to have friends over, should they choose it.I'm feeling rather disheartened about my job these days. While I know there's only so much I can do, I am wondering if I shouldn't be more inclined to find some different coping strategies.I haven't taken any pictures of the new house yet. Strange, but I've almost lost any passion I once had for taking pictures. I find I hardly even glance at my camera now. Amazing, even I find that one hard to ponder.I'm happy to have internet at home, I almost feel lost when I go back to read all my favorite blogs, because I've been absent from the majority of them since March. That's a lot of catching up, I think. Oh well, the show goes on.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I've been spending my time trying to say "oooohhhhm" and keep myself calm and cool.

I am just chiding myself for even asking for training here. I've almost worked myself into thinking that there will be a be-all, end-all salvation once I get that training. I know in reality that it will not work that way, but I am floundering so much I'm actually concerned that I am not serving my clients to my full potential.

That being said, I'm really trying to relax at home, and just let my brain go. Consequently I'm not able to go beyond the range of normal functioning. Nothing of the fancy stuff I used to do is getting done. I'm busy reading small, short books (for me), and vegging out while watching a DVD, or watching the kids play in the backyard.

It's been a long time since I've felt like this. I'm almost enjoying this feeling of prolonged uselessness. Almost. It's getting to be a kind of hindrance when it comes to planning, keeping track of things, and fixing things up at home. Meals are currently posing a great challenge, as I'm having difficulty getting them started at a decent time. Bedtimes are all out of whack, as I'm usually in charge of getting the boys ready for bed in the evenings.

About the only thing I'm staying on top of is my laundry :o)

I guess that's better than nothing.

D visited Alberta w/my Mummie in the first week of July, and H is currently visiting with a relative in Kamloops. Hafta go pick him up this afternoon. The last day of the month MIL will be picking both boys up to take to her house for two weeks. Should be interesting to see what we get up to all alone. Being down to one child is bad enough. It's just far too quiet with just one.

Lastnight we enjoyed a movie in the park, thanks to Fresh Air Cinemas. They showed "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs". It was a lot of fun, despite the fact that it got quite chilly, and it tried to rain us out. I brought plenty of blankets & extra clothing though, so it didn't bother D & I too much.

Mr had his first "Just Dads" program kick-off yesterday, to one dad & his kids. Friends of Mr's, but still...they count. He's hoping to have a better turn out tomorrow evening. Mr is piloting the very first Just Dads parenting support group for our area (to help fathers get involved), and I'm crossing my fingers that it turns out to be a success, as the area here is flooded with Stay At Home Dads who used to work in the local mills, which are all shut down right now. Currently myself and a couple of co-workers are telling all of the men we know, and passing the flyers on to those we serve. I hope, I hope, I hope.

We're nearly all settled into the new house by. Haven't gotten as many "family" pictures up as I'd like, but Mr seems to think they're better placed in bedrooms only, as opposed to out in the open. My brain is so slow that I can't come up with a retort.

I'm slowly working my way through a bunch of resources at work. Eventually I'll be able to pick out what I need and what I don't need.

I'm still floored, when I think about, that I am a Pregnancy Outreach Program worker.

there are all kinds of berries ripening in the valley now. I picked some Saskatoon Berries the other day, and fully intend to collect a bucketful or so of other wild berries that are out there to be had, when I get the opportunity. Hopefully I'll find the energy, time, and frame of mind to go and do it soon, as everything will be over ripening very soon.

I miss my home computer, and I've managed to lose my Flash Drive that I used to transport all of my pictures on to upload while I was at work. *sighs* I'll eventually get back to HNT...honest.

Friday, July 16, 2010

My internet at home is having difficulties getting off the ground. We've had the local serviceman out to our home twice. Annoying. It may be something malfunctioning with my computer, as opposed to their equipment. Great, another comp expense I don't care to fork out for.

*sigh*

Anyhow. Suffered a meltdown at work this week, or rather, because of work. Had a particularly rough day at work, and hadn't realized it until I started pouring it all out to my MIL over the phone. I find it truly amazing just how much I blind myself sometimes. I just hadn't wanted to acknowledge that the situation I witnessed that day had really bothered me.

I'm continuing to push to be trained at work, as this current situation has really opened my eyes to how important it is for me to address concerns in the homes I am visiting on a regular basis. Not only am I there to address concerns, but I'm there to identify them as well. I've not yet acquired the knack of addressing them calmly without being able to bite back the god-awful judgments that I want to call down on them for.

A series of meetings all this week have helped me to address the issues, and form a plan of action that I am comfortable with implementing without assistance.

It is continually shocking to me that I still love my job, the people I work with, and the people I visit.I am here to help them, and if I'm not doing it, I feel so disappointed, and nearly responsible.

I've always been too hard on myself when it comes to my own expectations.

That being said, at least it's come to light that I really do need to lighten up a bit. :o)

My mom is coming out for the weekend to be a vendor at the local Farmer's Market. My Gramma & Grandpa & their dog will be coming as well. So much for not entertaining through July. I'm happy with it though.

I was extremely depressed over how my home looked for the first two weeks we were in our new house, for whatever reason (you can add them all up and understand, but I'm not going to list them) and it has finally passed. My home is starting to look more like a home and less like a motel.

Mr's friend dropped off a kitchen table and four chairs for us, and I nearly kissed him for being such a dear, but I restrained myself.

I got the toys sorted out between the boys' rooms lastnight, and cleaned the bathrooms. The dishes are a constant eyesore, but oh well, just need to keep on top of them.

I've spent this week telling my kids how much I appreciate them for being them. I've been giving them extra hugs, feeding them extra food and tweaking their adorable chubby cheeks.

The family I visited this week had none of those things. The hardest part of that was knowing I'm the first stop before The Ministry (Or Child Protective Services) is called in to remove the children. I'm terrified when I consider that. I'm untrained. I possess a lot of common sense, yes, but that isn't enough to be considered professional enough to prevent child removal...is it?

Am spending today in the office sorting through different resources that have been passed my way, attempting to figure out what I can use and what I can't.

I'm feeling a bit more settled, a bit more comfortable...and, despite all of my belly-aching, I'm happier than I've been for a long time. Things are going smoothly, and despite my hindrances with my job, I know I'm secure in it, and the fact that my entire family is happy at the same time is speaking volumes to me.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I'm finding it so difficult to manage myself of late.Last month the Dr put me on Birth Control, the strong kind. I'm sensitive to pills, often able to identify what they are doing when. I don't take Birth Control, and haven't since I was a teen. There's a reason for that.I warned Mr when I started taking them, desperation to get my lady issues under control outweighed the side effects. Psh, suuuuuuuure they did Amber.I must be a right terror to live with right now. I'm sure I've sprouted horns & a forked tail. I'm also certain these things are posing a risk to my health, given the thoughts in my head.I hope the next 2 months left in my prescrip are going to be worth the torture I'm putting everyone throughOn another note...I dunno if it's the pills, the fact that D was away for a week, or something I can't say out loud, but I can feel a severe bout of depression battling within me. Let's hope I can pull myself out and find my motivation again, because I sure miss it.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

What a day!I was bogged down by a severe bout of lazy.When we finally got up and about, we took the kids to the McDonalds Playplace, and then to the grocery store. In between Ihad popped into the bank to withdrawl cash.Our first night in the new house, I was swindled. By a most extreme tyrant.I made a deal with D, that if he went around the yard and gathered all of the rocks that could possibly damage a lawn mower and place them in an inconspicuous place out of the way, that i would pay him $1 per bucket. About an hour and a half later he comes into the house and proclaims triumphantly that i owe him a grand total of $31. I didn't believe him, so I asked him to show me the pile of rocks he had collected, and sure enough, it was a significantly large pile.Anyhow, I hit the bank machine to withdraw the money I needed to pay him, and give Mr some extra to take him accross town to the local arcade/mini golf place.After all was said and done, we decided to go out again, to the fair...requiring another stop at the bank machine for me. Ugh, I despise places that deal in cash only. I popped in, put my bank card in, made my transaction, and when the screen said "Please remove your card" the machine only went click, click, click, click, click (by now I'm leaning closer to look into the slot) click, click..."TRANSACTION INCOMPLETE, MACHINE IS TEMPORARILY OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE CONTACT A BANK REPRESENTATIVE"I let loose a very impressive string of expletives that would've curdled the ears of the faint of heart. Thankfully I was in the bank lobby alone.I placed a call to the bank's 1-800 #, and the lady on the other end apologized for the inconvenience, and gave me the peace of mind of a cancelled card. She told me to go into the branch tomorrow to order a temporary replacement card until a regular one could be mailed to me...again. This'll be the second replacement card I've ordered since I opened the stupid account in March.I've seriously never heard of anyone having their bank card being swallowed by a fricken machine...ever. Figures that it would happen to me on a Stat holiday in which the bank was not open.Anyhow, managed to email money over to another account, withdraw, and head to the fair. I paid $30 for a wristband for D, highway robbery for only a grand total of 8 fair rides to choose from. He happened to find an old friend from school there, and they were gone. Enjoying the rides together. They managed to figure out the Tilt-O-Whirls by their 4th ride, and by their last d was getting kind of queasy. He had a fantastic time though, and I think it was a well spent $30.Am currently awaiting this evening's Fireworks, which we'll drag D to...H will remain at home asleep in his bed.This weekend is already turning out to be full of surprises and fun. I'm so happy to be in Kelowna for a much needed reprieve.I'll get around to taking pictures, right now I'm just enjoying the fact that I can be on the phone while I'm on the internet at the same time.Plus, it's Super Hero weekend on the Space channel!Hooray for city life! Hooray for family!

About Me

Amber

I am a walking contradiction. I'm honest to a fault, but have learned to filter my thoughts to sting a little less. I'm growing at a glacial pace, and am inviting you to watch. It's about as much fun as watching paint dry, but at least you've got an invitation!