Fan Photos

No doubt, all of you read the title of this post and thought to yourself, “Wow, she has really lost her mind this time!” Of course not, y’all! Haven’t you figured out yet that I am wise beyond my 40something years and am always right?!

Ok, Ok. I will have to talk you into this one, for sure.

Here’s the thing: I was sitting home with my Miller Lite and peanuts on Monday Night partaking in the first game of the O’s series with the dreaded Yankees when I got to thinking. Fourteen years is an absolute eternity for a team to have consecutive losing seasons.Thankfully for our ridiculously horrible baseball team of late, there are still plenty of us old enough to remember when they were actually really freaking good. (Who cares whether or not Brady Anderson took some ‘roids that year he broke just about every hitting record, ‘cause boy was he nice to look at circling those bases!)

Anyway boys, thanks to us, the eternal O’s optimism and tradition will be passed down to our own munchkins ensuring more generations of devoted fans.

But how can we turn this team around? Changing managers a bazillion times hasn’t worked. Getting rid of veterans and bringing on new young, fresh meat hasn’t worked.

So what is the answer???

Well, let me just say that there is nothing that infuriates a fan more than to see more Yankee fans in the ballpark than our own. Last night, when I would hear the crowd go crazy from the TV in the living room while I was throwing in the never-ending load of laundry, I would run out there thinking Markakis must have just hit a grand slam. Now that is delusional. Us get enough hits to load the bases?

Not happening.

Instead, I would find myself disappointed to see it was actually NY beating the hell out of our sorry pitcher, Matusz. (Could we please start a campaign to ship him to Colorado and bring back the one and only hottie himself, Jeremy Guthrie?)

How do we get the fans to the game? No wonder this team sucks, they can’t even get cheered on in their own park except on Opening Day.

Wait one second!!!

I’ve got it.

Why don’t baseball teams have scantily dressed young women with pom-poms like football?For over 50 years men have been dragging themselves to games in 10 degree weather in hopes of catching a glimpse of one of these chicks!

As soon as I got to work this am, my researching began. (I was working too! You would not believe the multi-tasking I can handle in one day.) Within just a few minutes, the answer appeared to me as in a vision from Heaven thanks to Wikipedia.

Which do you think was the first NFL team to introduce cheerleaders in 1954? Nope, it wasn’t the dudes on horseback from Texas. It was none other than our very own Baltimore Colts. Oh, it gets better. Guess what year the St. Louis Browns moved their team here and changed the name to the Orioles??? 1954! It was the very same year. Folks, I am not a big believer in coincidences. This had to be FATE!

Ok, so if the Colts could be trailblazers in the NFL world, what’s to stop the Orioles from doing the exact same for MLB? Nothing!

I then proceeded to go to the Ravens Cheerleaders’ website in hopes of getting a little more info.WTH??? I was completely flabbergasted at what I found. While the other home team is losing to the Yankees and the handfuls of O’s fans in attendance are leaving during the 4th inning, these girls are in the Bahamas looking cute in bikinis for their new calendar!

There is something wrong with this picture, girls.

Listen to me; I am the first one to defend you when critics say cheerleading is NOT a sport. Heck yeah, it’s a sport. Could they tumble and flip up and down the field in a thong and tank top like you do? Highly unlikely! It is abundantly clear that you girls have more athleticism in your pinkie than I’ve got in my whole body. (Side note: I totally make up for it in intelligence and sarcasm. Lol)

So, instead of making guest appearances at the local high school and working on your tan all Spring and Summer, get your butts to Camden Yards. We NEED you.

Let’s end this losing streak right here and now. Girls, you know your uniforms were better designed for warm weather. There is absolutely no fear that you will freeze to death in your little skirt and knee high boots. Plus, those Ravens’ studs don’t need you from February to August. They are busy doing off season workouts and haggling over contracts.

Wouldn’t making a little extra cash be totally sweet?

Let’s face it, wherever you go, Men Follow! So I say that we fill those empty seats with all of your stalkers. The O’s Cheering Section will be totally revived thanks to you just like the days of Wild Bill Hagy. (Rest assured that you are all MUCH better looking than Sir Scruffiness Himself.)

Last but not least, new life can finally be brought to our beloved 7th Inning Stretch. “Thank God I Am A Country Boy” definitely demands some rockin’ choreography. Go Ahead and Work it, ladies!

Well, I got me a fine wife, I got me old fiddleWhen the sun's comin' up I got cakes on the griddleLife ain't nothin' but a funny, funny riddleThank God I'm A country boy