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Monday, April 12, 2010

Time-out, Time-In, Spanking and life with a pre-schooler.

Can I tell you right now that we are a sensitive family. I hate to disappoint and the idea that something I did caused someone else heartache - often makes me crumble into a blubbering fool. My son thinks that if he gets the undesired answer to his question that he has been "yelled at" and as manly as my hardworking husband is, he has a tender heart. The area of discipline is something that I have been reading up on, because we all know the horror stories of the terrible 2's.

Recently Time published this article which tells the findings of a recent study linking spanking to aggressive and violent behavior in children. What do you think?

My husband was spanked and spanked often. Admittedly, he says he most often deserved it for being naughty and while I am sure he could pack a powerful punch he is very self controlled and has never raised a hand to me or his son. I was spanked once in my entire life and even now the spanker debates if I really deserved it. (I was probably the most perfect child ever raised. - haha) I wouldn't say that I am violent with my hands, more with my words.

I lean more toward a no spanking philosophy, but I tell you now that I am not perfect and have smacked hands, flicked faces, and swatted a bottom. I am learning. Most of all I want my child to learn. Not to be merely punished, but taught. I want him to know that there are things that are definitly not acceptable and I also want him to have the freedom to be a rowdy little boy and not have to try to be the outwardly conforming perfect (looking) child.

I often appreciate the perspectives found here and was really moved by what was recently shared not about spanking, but about "time-outs".

"If you don't have the language to express your emotions,

lack impulse control,

lack maturity borne of experience,

lack the physical and mental ability to do many of the things you want to do and are therefore often frustrated,

having only lived on the planet for 900 days or so,

then you shouldn't also lack an understanding and sympathetic parent who can often mitigate those areas of need, model proper behavior, redirect you from frustrating situations, and comfort you when you need it,

instead of sending you to your room, alone and empty-handed."

Hopefully I can adapt the idea of "time-in" to my discipline techniques with maximum effectiveness, but I would also love to hear what things work for you!