Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Let's Get Real Personal Post.

This post has been on my mind for awhile.
I want to share my journey as a blogger, teacher, mom, wife, and TpTer...I know we all have a story to share. It's why we are bloggers!

Here's mine.

I first discovered teacher blogs in May of 2010. I spent that Summer building my blog. I learned code, tried out some graphics I got for free, and all in all spent $3 on creating a blog! It was so amazing to connect with teachers, check stats, share ideas, and see what other teachers were doing in their rooms! It was an escape that I couldn't get enough of!

On my blog I could be funny. I could be creative. I could be anything I wanted to be. It was an absolute outlet for me. I spent endless hours reading posts and learning so much from everyone.

But months before blogging, my "real life" started to fall apart. My husband told me one day in late 2009 that something was "wrong" and he needed to go to the doctor. This isn't too normal for him so I was worried. The doctors could not give a name to what was going on with him, but after trying a few remedies they called it chronic pain and sent him to pain management. At this point he was no longer working and the disability which was very small had run out.

My teacher salary was all we had. My teacher salary is less than our monthly mortgage payment and we are a family of four. We began to juggle bills with credit. Not only was my husband in pain all day long, but he became depressed because he could not do anything but recline and even then he was in pain. He didn't sleep at night because he was always resting so his body didn't want to sleep in a normal sleep pattern. When I was home from work he was in his dark office reclining and dozing off and on throughout the evening. Needless to say. Things were difficult.

I remember him saying the words pain management and it sounded like a life sentence. I was a mess. A total basket case, but I didn't want anyone to know. I was so scared. My husband went for nerve deadening procedures every 6 weeks, but they did not help. We would look forward to the procedures as if they would take care of everything...and then nothing. I didn't want to see friends and family because I didn't want the dreaded question of how is your husband doing?

This went on for a year and a half before we decided to put our Texas dream house on the market. We could no longer afford it and we had to do something or we were going to lose everything. So we added another stressful layer of putting our home on the market.

It was terrible. It was dark and scary. The night before it was time for yet another procedure, we were having a marriage group at our home and my husband for the first time shared that he needed prayer. Everyone knew that things were not good for him or for us, but this time he verbalized it and our pastor and friends from church prayed for him right then in our home. I was so hopeful the next day and as I sat in the waiting room during his procedure. When he came out he looked miserably awful. (Is that a word?) I will never forget his face when he was wheeled out of the room. They got him into our car and on the way home I had to pull over twice for him to get sick. It was so terrible. I was crying and wondering how we would ever get through life.

The next morning, my husband walked out of his office and said..."I think this time it worked...I feel like trying jumping jacks!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Month after month I had felt that he and the doctors had given up. That there was no hope. That this was going to be our life. I was amazed and I have no other explanation than the healing power of prayer.

My hubs started easing off the medicine and the pain was not returning. He started looking for a new job. Our house was still for sale because we were so far into debt that it seemed like the only solution. I begged him to just take back his old job. We were so beyond desperate for a paycheck. He said he just wasn't ok with going back. I was so upset with him yet I knew that he wasn't happy with his previous job.

Within a month of looking during a bad economic time, husband got a job with a company that has so much more to offer than his old job! He is in finances and he has really taken off with his new job. Things for me took off with TeacherspayTeachers through blogging, and we no longer had to lose our dream house! We took it off the market in April. This year since January has been a complete turn around for our family. We have been able to recover from a very dark time in our lives and live life better than either one of us hoped for. We even got to go on our first family vacation since moving to Texas in 2007.

I learned so many lessons looking back at those two dark years...

I learned that teaching is a passion and as miserable as you can be at home, when you are in the classroom working with children you can completely forget everything else and get lost in your passion. Working with those sweet children absolutely saved my sanity. If you can believe this I was teacher of the year while all this was going on at home. I had thrown all of myself into teaching because I had to put my mind on something other than my home life.

I learned that without going through the dark depressing times, we would not have found these new jobs/passions that both of us love and are so grateful for. We would not have changed our path had it not been changed for us.

I learned that my husband and I can get through anything. Our relationship was put through the test and there was a lot of low lows between us during those 2 years, but now we know what we are made of together.

I learned that my children can go without and they will be ok.

I learned the joy of having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner 3 nights a week...ok that was not fun. I didn't enjoy that at all. We love to eat and it was very hard to be stuck with a bare pantry.

I mostly learned that God has perfect timing. I certainly didn't think things were going to ever be ok. I couldn't see any reason why we were going through any of that while we were going through it. But as I look back, I see how as things happened it changed our path, our thinking, and our plans.

I don't know if my story will help anyone else out there. I hope somehow it will. I have been nervous to share and really put it all out there. On my blog I can be funny, and I can be "perfect" but real life is just so...real.

Ok....now that that is off my chest....

Since this is a personal post, I am joining the linky at First Grade and Fabulous to share a family recipe! (and some family Thanksgiving pictures too)

This is a rice dressing that we serve at Thanksgiving. My grandmother was the first to make it for me and let me tell you, I don't normally love to eat rice, but this is SO different! It's absolutely delicious! It can even go in the bird as your stuffing if you are not big on bread stuffing.

Plus if anyone has to eat gluten free at your get together this is a perfect dish for them!
Here's a few pictures from last Thanksgiving!

I admired you before this post for your incredible talent. Now, I admire you even more, knowing what you have endured, and seeing how you have emerged. God bless you and your beautiful family. May you continue to be blessed each and every day.

Thank you for sharing your story, Reagan! It's a great reminder to us all that bloggers are real people and real people have problems. I'm so happy that blogging and TpT were able to help your family through a tough time and I'm so happy that your husband was able to bounce back after those scary medical issues. Hugs to you, friend!NicoleTeaching With Style

Reagan..your post brought tears to my eyes. All I have to say is thank God for the power of prayer! It's so nice to have read this and know that you are real...just like the rest of us...I hope and pray that your family continues to find happiness and success. :)

I'm so, so glad you posted this!! I felt like I was almost reading part of my husband and mine's story. Ever since his wreck and not being able to work, things have been really hard but making bloggy friends and hearing that other people have come through all the tough times makes me so happy!! Love ya friend!Vickie

This is so encouraging! We are not nearly going through what you went through, but my husband is starting a new business and it is scary and stressful. We are depending on my salary, which we can do, but it's hard. Faith is definitely what has gotten us through so far. I love reading your posts knowing that we teach in the same city :). Thanks for sharing your heart!

Your story made me cry...thank you so much for sharing! It is so easy to look at someone and think they have it all figured out and that their life is "perfect." It is amazing how things happen in life. What a big blessing you are to us all!

The tears welled...your story was so beautiful, because that's what family is built upon...love, and how faith in a great God can move us beyond anything we can imagine. A beautiful story, God is so faithful!Amy Howbert

Reagan your story made me tear up too! I always knew you were an incredible teacher from following your blog, but reading this story highlights what a strong wife, mother, and woman you are!! So many of us have gone through incredibly difficult times, but it's not always easy to talk about them even with loved ones. I know your story will bring hope to many others out there who are also going through difficult times right now. So happy to hear that your husband is doing better now. Thanks for sharing a little piece of your heart with us tonight!!

All joking aside (this time)You are an amazing woman raising an amazing family! You have so many gifts to offer so many people in your life- your love of teaching and children, your passion for creating, and your cheery take on situations that others can find no bright side to-My life is definitely brighter with you in it:)

WOW! What a journey! I can't believe that someone can just go into so much pain with no real answer. The struggle you must have had to go through. I am so blessed to have found you! I am lucky that I get to "pick" your brain and see your ideas to help make my little classroom run just a little more smooth!

Thank you for sharing your story! I can't believe that after he asked for prayer, that he finally got his answer! Amazing!

Thank you for sharing your story!! I got chills reading it. The power of prayer is amazing. Glad to see everything is working out for you and your family. I am thankful for what blogs can do and your ideas have reached to my jam backed classroom. JessicaApples and Papers

You definitely brought tears to my eyes!! You are so amazing and your story just lets everyone know that bloggers are "real" people and life is not "perfect." I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, but thank God that he has brought you through it and made you so much stronger!! You are amazing!!!

Wow. It is awesome of you to open up such a personal part of your life to all your followers. Not only are you a testimony to the power of prayer, but also that we never know what someone might be dealing with in life. I have also found that teaching provides a wonderful escape when life outside the classroom is in turmoil. Those kiddos need us so much our own troubles have to take a back burner for a few hours at least. Your post has reminded me of my blessings during this season of thanks!

You and your family have certainly been through a lot. Thank you so much for trusting us to share your personal story with us. I'm so inspired by you and am so glad that everything has seemed to work out for the best. May God continue to bless you and your family. LisaLearning Is Something to Treasure

Thanks for sharing Reagan! I'm so glad that you and your family made it through the toughest of times and I love getting to know you better! God always has a perfect plan and entrusting your lives in his hands I'm sure that you have learned even more than you know from your experiences. Nicole

Reagan, thank you SO much for sharing that hard part of your life with us. I know that must've been difficult to type and I hope you found it therapeutic to blog about. Your family is so blessed to have you and I have loved getting to know just a little slice of you!

Thanks so much for sharing that part of your life with us! It took a lot of courage for you to write that and I admire you so much for doing so! It was heartbreaking to hear what you were all going through for that time period but such a heartwarming and uplifting ending! I am So THANKFUL your husband is well! Thanks for letting us in to know even more about you! Thanks too for reminding us all that no one's life is truly "perfect" but prayer and perseverance can work miracles!Hugs!KarynA is for Apple B is for BlogKideducator@comcast.net

perseverance and prayer.. and yes, we could all go without so much of what we have when it all comes down to it.. you must feel a weight off of you just by sharing.. I love your blog and TPT products and all that you share - thank you <3

Your post shows just how strong your love for your husband is. It certainly could have ended with a split up or even a divorce. . . but it didn't. You not only survived, you are now RE-Vived! I loved reading this and getting to know another side of your life. You're right. . . we all have many things going on in our lives and we do a good job of masking it. But once your husband came out and shared with others, look how your life changed. Lesson learned. . . don't wait so long to ask for help!PattySecond In Line

What a gracious, generous post! Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. Life can certainly be interesting! Thank you for reminding us we are all going through it together. I believe in the power of prayer, girl! Praise God for your precious family, at home and at school! You are truly a blessing!LauraPeace, Love, and First Grade

Thank you for sharing your story. It hit home for me. When we had our third child, my husband was injured at work four days before and when I came home from my c-section he sent in for the infection in his leg. A flood from a county water pipe destroyed our pool and damaged the basement. Meanwhile, I switched schools due to construction. Through it all, I have worked my job and additional school jobs like teaching teachers and creating for our county's electronic resources. It is hard when your husband has to deal with health issues and something you don't really understand until faced with it. Different from a parent or child because the bond is different. I seriously considered creating my own blog after discovering them this past year. As much as I love everyone's blog and creating my own materials which I share with K friends in county, it seems too much for me. It amazes me how many different bloggers find the humor and creativity with all they have in their loves. :) How nice to hear how your story is turning out. And the empty cupboard and pbj sandwiches...I don't think they are anyone's favorite thing except maybe my son. :)

Thank you for feeling comfortable enough with us to share your story. The power of prayer is AMAZING. I remember many a times eating soup and grilled cheese because that is all we could afford for our family due to job losses, and house, among other things. Prayer goes a long way!! My heart goes out to you, and so glad that things are so much better.

Thank you for linking up. The recipe looks FABULOUS, and those pies---OHH my!!

Reagan Oh my word! You have been through an amazing venture . It's great to hear you give your glory to God! One of the reasons I love reading blogs is because of the willingness of others to voice their faith, we might not be able to do that in our classrroms but we sure can on our blogs!!!! So glad to hear life has turned around for you! Congrats on teacher of the year !!!

Thank you for sharing....sometimes someone's story can make you take a deeper look at your own life and what you have to be thankful for and where a little prayer may be just the right thing.Very glad to hear that your husband is feeling better and your family is in a better place.

Reagan, thank you so much for sharing this. I too, have been going through an extremely rough two years, unfortunately I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel yet. I'm so happy things are looking up for you. It gives me great hope.

Hang in there Susie Q! Eventually, things will get better and, like Reagan, you will be able to see the purpose behind the struggle as you look back on it. Don't forget to have faith, and stay as open as possible to learning the lesson that the situation might be trying to teach you. You're in my prayers tonight <3

Women are amazing. Without us, holidays wouldn't exist, families wouldn't be as strong, and the world just wouldn't be right! We are the keepers of traditions, the keepers of hearts and the keepers of secrets. I too have a chronically ill husband, who over the last 20 years of marriage, has given me three sons to love, memories to hold dear and love to share. In that time, we also have faced more adversity than most married couples, lived through many lean times, and continue to struggle with his uncertain future. Yet, I know that God gave him to me to love unconditionally. Pray is an amazing thing and only when your faith is stronger than your fear, will your life have meaning. God bless!

I am so happy things have turned around for you. I have had a change in health and you have also given me hope that at some point things will get better. Bless you and your family, just so you know you have saved me week after week with your visual plans, teaching ideas and materials. Thank you so very much, you have been tan answer to my prayers.Jill

Wow! What a testiment of God's power and your faith! I too received Teacher of the Year during one of the hardest phases of my life. I threw myself into teaching those 5th graders. God is so good and it warms my heart to know there are other teachers, women, moms, Christians out there who share issues that we think only we endure. Not only do you rock as a teacher, you seem to be an awesome woman of faith! God bless you and your family!

I have tears in my eyes reading your personal post today. My husband and I endured (the best word I can think of) the worst year and a half ever. His sister committed suicide a month before her wedding. His mom passed a month later. Dad has severe Alzheimer's and is now in a nursing home. My husband had a slip and fall and blew out his elbow. Two surgeries down, more to go. My Dad was rushed into the hospital and had open heart surgery, mom went into the hospital a bit later because she couldn't breathe. Stayed there a week and they never really figured out what happened. My 5 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with HSP (Henoch Schonlein Purpura). Thank God she is doing well with no lasting effect. Now looking back...we have each other and a deeper love than I ever could have imagined. People say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." No sir. God prepares you for what you will have to handle when it comes your way.God Bless All!Debbie

I have been following you for the last few months and you are usually the first blog I look at when I sit dosn at my computer. I have been drawn to you and your site and have also been inspired to create my own blog and a few units on TpT as well. After your post, I totally know why I have been drawn to you. I love that you have "put it all out there" and that you felt comfortable enough sharing your story. I know God is getting the glory and that he wanted you to share for a reason! I know you have touched many lives of us "blog-creepers" out there! :) One of my favorite Christian CD's is Mandisa's "What If we Were Real". The whole theme of this album is - what would happen if we were all "real" with each other. What if we told about our hurts and cry out to others when we need help. If we don't let other people know what's going on - how can they pray for us? How can they "stand in the gap" for us? I love that you were "real" and let others hear your testimony. Thank you so much for sharing! That makes me "love" you even more! :)

You are such a sweetheart!!! Thank you for sharing. Life is full of untold stories that could really lift a friend or stranger. How brave, strong and wonderful you are as a wife, mother, teacher and blogger friend. Thanks for allowing my heart to be pricked tonight!! Congratulations on your accomplishments... you have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving ;)Sincerely,Lory

Reagan--You were one of the first blogs I ever followed. Just like all of these other ladies, I always felt drawn to your blog--the way you wrote, your creative ideas for the classroom, and the passion you exuded for teaching. I have to be honest though, many times I felt as if I was reading the "perfect teacher/mother/wife" blog. I mean, you were always so upbeat, so positive, so, well...joyful! I couldn't even imagine that you would be dealing with all of these stressors at once! Thank you very much for making this very personal post public. It really reminds me to remember that everyone (even those people we think have it all!!) are struggling with something at any given moment. I am sorry you had to bear this cross alone for so long, and am so glad that you and your family were able to find solace!! Hugs to you--

Dear Reagan, Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. I love reading your blog and I am enjoying so many of your products with my first grade class, here in Florida! Your past experiences made me think about how the Lord weaves a masterpiece of our lives. My struggles and life challenges are similiar to yours. I too, went through many dark days with my husband (we are high school sweethearts-married for 27 yrs, 4 beautiful children) he suffered a career-ending NFL preseason football injury and spiraled down the road of depression and addiction. I, too, have said that my classroom/my students/my teaching has been my "saving grace". In the midst of our family hardships, I was also the "Teacher of the Year". I am certain that my "home-away-from-home" (my classroom &students) is what got me through it all (and my love for the Lord) While we are facing the messy parts of our life, it is oh so hard and everything is all "tangled up" like the back of a hand sewn fabric. BUT..when we turn it over...... the beautiful result is a masterpiece!!! It is as though we look back and wonder "how did I get through that?" when, indeed, God had His sovereign plan all along-His plan for us to flourish, to create a masterpiece unseen , at the time of struggles, when we are still in the middle of sewing the mixed up threads in the back. I am happy that your masterpiece is turned over and that the Joy, indeed, comes in the morning! God Bless You and your sweet family. Thank you for all your wonderful ideas and for sharing your gifts of teaching that the Lord has so abundantly blessed you with! With love, Kelly Turk (kelly.turk@browardschools.com)

This is my first time visiting your blog but I could not help but leave a comment. We have been through near the same thing except it was me who was so incredibly sick. For three years (and surgery after surgery) I could do nothing except lay down. The doctors had no answers. Except to tell me after one failed surgery that they knew why I had miscarriages years before and I would never carry another child. I too turned to the Lord. In a prayer I was told that all would be well. Within a few months, I started feeling better. I cried the first time I was able to pack my son's lunch for school - to feel useful and like a mom again was amazing. The best part was finding out I was pregnant and then having a Thanksgiving baby. God is amazing. Thanks for reminding me of that this morning - I needed it.

Ok.....wow! I had no idea. Thank you for sharing! God is so good and at times, high and low, we may not understand His timing.....He is always in control. I am so happy that you were able to keep your house and even more happy that your husband has been healed! What a testimony to share!! My husband and I have been though some really low lows too.....at times, I couldn't even see light at the end of the tunnel....but all by God's brace we have gotten through them all together and I feel have come out a much stronger couple, just like you and your hubs:) You have many blessings to be thankful for this year and I couldn't think of a more deserving person:) Hugs and love to you!!!

So glad your husband is doing better. Sometimes it feels like faith isn't working, but when it finally does, it's amazing! I'm so happy that things have turned around for your family, but also that we've been some small part of helping, even if just as an outlet to get away from real life for a few minutes. Thanks so much for sharing your story, and I hope the blessings just keep on coming for your family!

Thanks for sharing your story. I cried all the way through it - and then some!! I'm so glad it had a happy ending. I'm sure it has helped to read everyones'comments also. God Bless your family!susanlulu@yahoo.com

Love, love, love. Prayer is absolutely amazing. I can 't believe I'm just now getting to this on Google Reader! Thanks so much for giving us a peek into your life. So glad to call you a dear friend. You know we're always here for ya! :)

Wow! I'm sitting here in my classroom on a Wednesday evening, with tears running down my cheeks after reading this! I'm trying to get ahead on report cards, but instead I was drawn to your blog...and I'm so glad I came across this post! Thank you so much for sharing your "real life" story. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do. So often I read blogs, see the amazing things teachers are posting on TPT, and I feel so vastly inadequate! I'm trying to figure out how to teach first grade for the first time after staying at home with my own three kiddos for ten years. It has been a challenge! But there is nothing more heartwarming to me than others being authentic...so thank you. You are reaching so many in ways I'm sure you have never imagined you would! :)

You touch so many lives, especially with this story. It made me think and know what an incredible person you are. You are an inspiration to me and many others. Keep on being yourself because you are perfect in ways you can't even imagine. I don't think you know how much I look up to you as a person. You are the best!!

Reagan--- First off, let me say that I am so sorry for everything you have been through. Great people like you and your family should not have to go through terrible things like this. Also, congratulations on your Teacher of the Year award. You completely deserve it from what I see on this blog. So anyway, it takes guts to get through things like this, and you are so strong. I am so relieved and overjoyed that you got to keep your home. You are raising a beautiful family. You are such an inspiration to me and to many. You are perfect in my eyes. Keep being yourself, because you are amazing. Best wishes---