Marriage adrift minus trust

June 15, 2006

ANNIE'S MAILBOX KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR Dear Annie, I've been married for 18 years. About 11 years ago, I caught my husband, "Lex," having long phone conversations with another woman. He told me he was bored at night being home with the kids while I was working two jobs. Hello! He had three children to take care of! We had counseling, and although there were a few minor "hiccups," our relationship went well for a while. However, four years ago, I discovered Lex was having an e-mail relationship with a woman and planned on meeting her. (He told me he needed to "spice up" his sex life because ours was getting boring.) I no longer have any interest in being intimate with Lex. I feel betrayed. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for his third strike, or if I'm just too afraid to make the jump out of the marriage. It would be hard on the children. Any suggestions? Miserable in IllinoisDear Miserable, If Lex has been a faithful husband since his little side trip, it means he is making an effort, but if you are withholding sex, it will only undermine your chances. Please go back to your counselor, with or without Lex, and find out if you truly want to salvage what's left of this relationship.