My Life in Paragraphs

We bought a new bed. I know, not so exciting for you, but still. When you consider how many hours of your life you spend in your bed, this is a big deal.​Not only did we buy a new bed, but I’m now sleeping on the other side.For pretty much all our married life, I’ve slept on the right side. This was determined in our first house because I wanted to be closest to the bathroom (I’m a girl). And then it made sense because I was closest to the door – so the kids could reach me first. For some reason, that was a priority back in the day.

So, for twenty years I’ve slept on the right side. Neither of us gave it a thought – even when staying in hotels or friends’ houses, I always took to the right side of the bed.

But then we went on vacation in February and rented a lovely condo on the beach in Grand Cayman (to celebrate aforementioned twenty years). This condo was tastefully decorated and in the bedroom there were several breakable pieces of art teetering on a rickety corner cabinet and a dresser in this room with a ceramic tile floor (either they were cheap breakable pieces of art or we were the first people EVER to rent this condo). The bed was large and lovely and consumed most of the room. From the right side of the bed there was a long and winding path to the bathroom that took you past several of these pieces of art, plus a chair with corners. So, for the first time in my married life, I chose the LEFT side of the bed which had a direct path to the door/bathroom with nothing but my own feet to trip over or break (there was a step-down involved so this was still a distinct possibility).Sleeping on the left side was odd. It felt novel and kind of fun. For a moment it seemed like I was sleeping with someone new – who is this guy on my left?

When we came home I decided to stay on the left. (We’re wild like that.) It still feels odd. But I like the new perspective.

Back to the new bed. I don’t like the bed. It doesn’t sit up high like the last bed. And it’s not soft and cushy. Plus, it’s a king size bed so sometimes I forget there’s anyone else in the bed with me.

I miss my comfy pillow-top, princess-height, queen size bed which now resides in my guest room. We had a guest last week and I was actually jealous that she got to sleep in it.

The new bed is fancy and modern and has all kinds of high-tech features. When we were picking it out, we had to lie on a “sleep evaluator” which recommended the best bed for your size and sleep habits. Nick and I lay on the mock bed/sleep evaluator, completely dressed while it took measurements and the sales guy blabbered on about its amazing abilities. But here’s the only thing he said that I remember – “When you use this system to pick out your bed it comes with a 90-day money back guarantee.” As if anyone ever returns a king-size uber-fancy bed.

Sometimes when I wake up at night and can’t sleep because I’m on the wrong side, all alone, on this squatty hard bed, I think – I’m gonna haul this baby back TOMORROW!

But I don’t.

Because it’s supposed to be good for me, much like kale – which I’ve learned to love and now eat every week.

I’ve still got about 30 days to make my decision. Hubby says, “We can return it, but I like it.”​So it’s my problem. It’s my decision.

I’m weighing the options here. First there’s all those hours of my life spent on this bed which the sales guy says will last 30 years. That’s like 87,600 hours. Of. My. Life.

If it didn’t require two large men to move it, and I didn’t know they are legally obligated to throw it out, there would be no question.

A bed is a lot worse than a few plastic bags in terms of filling up the land fill.

Here’s hoping this bed is kale, because the clock is ticking, and the guy on my left is no help.

(When I started this post it was going to be about how sometimes when you get stuck writing, all you need is a new perspective, but somehow it has spiraled into my personal whine about my bed. Maybe I’m distracted?)

laughing and snorting! Yes, I have always slept on the right side! And yes, I usually stick to that side! so funny! And I love king-sized beds in hotels, but I agree it's cozier in queen at home. Great post! thanks! (snarky editor is nudging me to say- that if you now sleep on the left, your hubby is on your right. right?)

HA! The left/right thing is confusing. I have the same problem with stage left and right! So I now sleep on the left side if you're standing at the food of the bed and looking at the bed. So if I'm lying on my back, hubby is on my left. confusing. doe that make him stage left of me?

I read this at Jena Henry's suggestion. And I'm glad I did. If she comes back to read comments left after hers, I want her to consider that you could sleep on your stomach, thus having your hubby on your left even though you're sleeping on the left side of the bed!

I, too, am a right side of the bed sleeper. But now that I write that, I'm thinking of skiing. Skiers right is different than the other right. So sleepers right or not? I don't think it will keep me up tonight.
But I digress.

I don't write that phrase often, but it happens regularly in my writing! So without further adieu (I don't write that phrase often, either, but it seemed to fit here), I want to tell you that I loved reading this post.

I have learned to love kale. I actually planted kale seeds a couple of weeks ago. (They're so cute as seedlings!) I still sleep in a princess height queen-sized bed. If we ever think of converting to king high tech, I'll remember this post. And maybe stick with my princess pillow-top.

What's left? You've given me food for thought. What the kale, we might give that switching sides thing a whirl!

Funny! You are a tangent-following writer just like me! Stick to your princess height queen-sized bed! going to put some kale seeds in this weekend! (along with my St Patty's Day peas!). Thanks for reading!