This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

#77 Musical Comedy

One of the more interesting things about White people is that they love singing comedians.

This style of humor involves a person or group singing a song but rather than singing about something serious, it has funny lyrics. It’s not any more complicated than that, but white people can’t get enough of it. Weird Al Yankovich, Tenacious D, Sarah Silverman (sometimes), Flight of the Conchords, Dennis Leary, and Adam Sandler are all excellent examples of the genre.

It’s a pretty good idea because when you have jokes that aren’t that great and music that isn’t that great, you can mix them together and create something that will entertain white people.

So how you can use this knowledge to your advantage?

If you find yourself at a corporate retreat where you have to put on a skit for the other employees in your office, it’s always a good idea to suggest doing a funny song. The rest of your group will get very excited and start work immediately on some clever lyrics. Do not worry about the music part, if you have more than two white males on your team, it is certain that one of them can play the guitar.

This blog is normally hilarious, but I get the sense that the authors are running out of ideas. This one was kind of lame. Actually, everything after gentrification seems like they were really searching for ideas.

This could perhaps be extended to the entire musical theatre genre as well. I’ll just mention one in particular: Rent. Musical theatre, personal awareness, cause awareness, and NYC. The trifecta. I don’t know what the word is for four things.

I just realized that white people also like snarky websites like “stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com.” Ergo, (white people also love dead languages) white people are responsible for this website. Hope you guys are satisfied.

A co-worker (that has fit every single entry I have read on this blog so far) called me into her office to show me the Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon song that was showed on late night. she then showed me the new “revenge song” (whatever that is).

White people love to be “first” ex: i was the first of my friends to discover stuffwhitepeoplelike, i was the first to have pink flowers at my wedding, now everyone is doing it, i was the first to cut my hair like posh spice, now everyone is doing it, or i was the first to discover American Apparel.
And then you have to blog about it so everyone knows you were the first.

To the commenters of late who have noted the decline of this site in the last few days: My personal theory is that stuffwhitepeoplelike will stop publishing after tomorrow, and will be revealed as an experiment in how to get white people to really think about race during Black History Month. And, I think it’ll be seen as a great success! I’ve read more on this site about some realities of race in America, and more honest evaluation by white people about how race works, than in any other venue.

I won’t be surprised to see the book version published soon, and I’ll be very interested in how many undergrad papers are written about the site, and maybe even a few dissertations. Hooray, authors, for getting (some) white people in America to think about race! Well done (and I’m not being ironic)!

idea for a future blog:
White People love giving referrals!
White people love Will Smith
White People love time shares!
White people love standing in long lines for new technology i.e. i-phone, xbox360, ps3, wii

Speaking of music comedy, Ive got this hilarious musical comedy of a the state of the London Underground here:http://theworldofm.wordpress.com/2008/02/23/fatcats-and-piss-and-sweat/
Perhaps non-british people might not find it funny, but who knows? I showed it to a non-english speaking person and she laughed her head off, probably because she picked up all the cursing and wearing and was laughing at those.

This site is amazing. I never realized I fit into so many white stereotypes until now. Nobody has been able to make fun of white people so well before. Thanks for the laughs, and the hookah bar idea is mint..:-)

Stephen Lynch and Dmitri Martin- not only are they musical comedians, they are white musical comedians. +2 points.

Under normal circumstances, I would include Zach Galifiniakis, but unfortunately, he has we already established himself as an “alternative” comedian (See #52). White people love being categorized, and it is impossible for them to embody more than one classification simultaneously. If Mr. Galifiniakis decides he would like to be considered a musical comedian, he will have to relinquish the “alternative” category.

One thing about this blog…I love it…it’s very on-target, but I think the main irony (I know, I know, this has already been pointed out countless times) is that the author is obviously very much a product of the upper-middle class lifestyle. Some of these, like “knowing what’s best for poor people”, or the patronizing nature of “white trash night” are good criticisms. Although I will say that here, it goes both ways: I’ve heard a great many “working class” people ridicule the upper-class, too, and consider them stupid for, say, not knowing how to fix a car. Many of the others are just observations, and are less “bitter”. Like Wes Anderson films (yes, films). Do I like them? Yeah. Are they formulaic? Very much so. But do I like them because I’m supposed to? No. I like them because they’re always entertaining. He’s a good director, even if all his films are similar. I also love coffee, but I hate when people don’t shut up about it. I tend to like the more expensive coffees, but not simply for the sake of being elitist, but because they (usually) tend to have more flavor. Same with expensive sandwiches…sorry, but a well-made and visually-appealing real turkey breast and provolone with red-pepper sauce on a baguette just tastes better than a processed turkey with American on white bread. It’s not like I wouldn’t eat the latter, but if I have the money, I’ll always pick the former. Upper middle class culture is the most acceptable to ridicule, because no one is going to object to it, even they themselves (self-deprecation is also a hallmark of the culture.) The mindsets and lifestyles of the working class, or black culture are easier to ridicule because the inconsistencies are easier to point out, but we’re not supposed to do that, at least not explicitly. Am I ashamed of being an upper middle class member of society? Not in the least. It’s who I am, it’s where I came from. As everyone knows, everyone conforms. AND every one and every culture is hypocritical. It’s inescapable. But I’d rather conform to a culture that at least attempts/professes to value humanities education, a large vocabulary, proper grammar, fine art, proper nutrition, etc. rather than a culture that regards those pursuits as “pompous” or “unnecessary”. And yes…I realize how arrogant and elitist I sound. I’m just being honest.

On a side note, I think that the one thing that unites all people in pointless conformity is the love of professional sports. Nothing to say to the guy at the party? Mention how much you liked that play at the end of the game, and what they did right or wrong, or assess the qualities of different quarterbacks. This will afford you great respect and admiration. Offer him a beer. If you happen to be “well-off”, make sure it’s an organic microbrew with “just enough hops”. If you’re working class, doing this would result in you being laughed at. In this case, make sure it’s a Bud Light or Miller Lite or Coors Light…be careful though…even though all those beers taste virtually the same, people are usually loyal to one kind and “won’t touch” something that tastes exactly the same. Doing these things will go a long way to show that you’re just “a regular guy”, and there’s nothing more important than that.

I think its fair to point out that this affinity is also shared by Indian people, although Bollywood provides its own unique twist to music and comedy

I also like Bollywood, and I am white; and though I don’t view my statement as representative of other white people by any means, I do think it’s a safe bet to say that more white people like Bollywood than are willing to admit to it…

Well I guess nearly everything has been said, but I just wanted to say I flipping love this blog – not only does it make me self-deprecatingly chuckle at the white girl I am, it also shows how different I am, as a white New Zealander, to the white American persona this blog describes. Also, “yay” at Flight of the Conchords (putting NZ on the map?) Have loved reading through your posts, anyway.

I am a proud African American, or at least I was before reading this blog. I’m more white than I thought I was. I checked the humor section of my itunes and it’s headlined by Richard Cheese, Dmitri Martin, Tenacious D and a couple of South Park (Stone/Parker) classics. The King of them all is Dynamite Hack’s ode to NWA “Boyz In Tha Hood”. I’m so out of touch with my people!

Everyone can be satirized. This is important to remember. While I identify with most of these posts, I’m not ashamed. There’s nothing worse about urban, upper-middle class culture than any other culture. It’s just more refreshing to hear it satirized. Again, something else “white people” love: new, fresh outlooks.

It is funny, and we do deserved to be satirized alongside everyone else, but I hate the commentators who are obviously bitter and jealous of wealth. The ones who whine about how, in college, THEY got a “practical” degree and worked their asses off, while the “rich kids” got their liberal arts degrees and got drunk and high all the time. These people are snobbish and self-righteous in an even WORSE way. It’s no more a rich kid’s fault that he was born into a wealthy household than a poor kid’s fault he was born poor. So suck it up, and shut the fuck up.

White people like jews because they’re also white but wittier, and they come with the bonus of having been historically oppressed. For a white person, being friends with a jew is like being friends with a black person, but easier because (unless the w.p. in question has a german background) they don’t have to face thier guilt complex quite so directly.

super lame sry. u know whats next on ur blog list??~? drugs! yup yup. sure ppl of all races love dem drugs, its whites that do more then just smokin da herb. white folk love psychedelics. mushrooms, dmt, acid, mescaline, and also xtc. talk to most other races they either never heard of or just wont try it. ofcourse psychedelics have been around since the beginning of time with uses by south americans, africans, asians and indians, but here in america it is foreign and absurb to touch anything psychedelic unless your white. or maybe that doesnt fit into your brand of yuppie white upper class ppl. well its still a fact. live long and explore your mind

This is so true; so many times I see a funny white comedian who’s on a roll with some funny shit and then fucks everything up by grabbing his acoustic guitar and singing some lame ass comedic song; you never see a guitar on Def Comedy Jam.

[…] Read it. It’s a pretty good idea because when you have jokes that aren’t that great and music that isn’t that great, you can mix them together and create something that will entertain white people. […]

I feel that, after reading many posts on this blog — which have all ranged from “reasonably funny” to “kick-me-in-the-groin hilarious” — the author often confuses “white people” with “pretentious New York City pseudo-hippies who have either eclipsed the age of 23 and gotten a real job, yet continue to be pretentious and liberal, but without the gross clothes” …

While the artsy wanna-hippie white person is certainly one of the most deserving of mockery within our race, there are plenty more of us to mock.

Take me, for instance:

I do not give a damn about artsy directors, nor have I ever wanted to be the only white person in any situation — are you kidding me; how can you not mock the fact that most of us are deathly afraid of ethnicity?– but I do wear a button down, with a tie and a sweater over the top of it, almost every day — what is the point of the tie?

There’s no point, really. You can see about 8% of it.

But I wear it, anyway.

Point being, most white people are stuffed shirts and I feel like we could be easily mocked for this, as well. I agree with the mission to point out the likes of one sub-sect of white people, but I say dig deeper, my friends.

Things this white person likes:
1. this blog, because it’s funny
2. people who think this blog meaningfully addresses racial issues, because they’re funny, but they don’t know it.
3. white people who think not being offended by this blog makes them cool, and maybe even less white, because they also think it’s something other than humor written by and aimed at white people.
I guarantee that white people find this blog far and away more intriguing and hilarious than people of any other race. Thinking otherwise is just conceited.

I have to agree somewhat with Huney (#13) in that many of the topics have been hilarious, some painfully true, but those seem to be getting further in-between. When the stereotype fits a whole swath of people, that is what makes it funny and accurate, but claiming WhitePeopleLike Funny songs is really a stretch. Some recent entries might even smack of jealousy if I may say so. (I know – how very white of me, regardless of what color I may be.)

Also, whomever keeps sending in the list of
Blackpeoplelike – Watermelon hahaha!!!!
things, Please note: You’re not funny, it’s not clever, if you don’t like or understand this blog, then by all means, don’t read it. Simple as that. But please spare the rest of us of your tiresome responses.

White people pay income taxes, they always end up owing cause they make lots of money and don’t have any real deductions like kids or a 30 year old unemployed brother living with them eating all the captin crunch and putting the empty box back on top of the fridge, downloading yung Jezzy on their PC and using all the toilet paper. He needs a job or a girlfriend. Does anyone need a dependant to claim for next year?

The term “musical comedy” traditionally was reserved for Broadway (and West End, etc.) plays with songs interspersed. “Oklahoma”, “Kiss Me, Kate”, “The Music Man”, “Guys and Dolls”, etc. Has that usage died out now that straight white people like Julie Andrews and Robert Goulet are no longer able to engage in it? A better term for the phenomenon this post addresses would be “comic troubadours”.

If “musical comedy” is merely the combination of lame attempts to be funny with lame attempts to be musical, then rot like this would seem to qualify:

White Noobs move to San Francisco. Then when they have a family they move east to Berkley. The nice part with out a black person in sight. Rockridge maybe?

However, due the economy and house prices falling, they opt to buy a how down San Jose, Santa Clara area. As a result, more white people wearing leather jackets at night trying to hail a cab in the suburbs.

I’m still chuckling the night away,
haven’t read all the posts so this might
already be included, but one thing that
white people like is to talk about this
black person they know, without actually
saying “black”.

Almost all of what’s considered white here is
similar to something called “Svensson” in Sweden,
which Swedes think is a terrible thing to be, but
almost all of them are anyhow. I suppose that’s
a step further than just being white in the US though.

#33 that was brilliant! Perhaps Albi the Racist Dragon (Well not anymore) is writing this blog. If FOTC has taught us anything it’s that some white people don’t drink bottled water, drive a prius, have dogs or vote for Obama…why? Because they’re white people from New Zealand, and some “white” people are part Maori like Jemaine Clements. This blog is amusing, but very American, FOTC is hysterical and very New Zealand.

This site is hilarious.
I like to wear flip flops and sandals in the winter too. Sometimes crocs. And I like sweater vests- best if they are argyle with a tee and jeans. They go great with flip flops.
So many of these things apply to me, it’s just too odd… (I hate carpet. I don’t close the curtains. The coffee thing. Sushi. I want to live near the ocean, and I can’t even swim.
The ethnic heritage thing, although my mother & family are French imports.
I can tell you Southern white people are not too fond of the French. yikes! Maybe no one is. Not used to that blunt type of honesty I guess.

Some other things I think white people like are Reddiwhip, playing solitaire, the weather channel, saying stupid words like “dingleberry”,
and dead people- especially Jackie Kennedy, her sunglasses, her clothes, anything J Kennedyish.
And is it just a white people thing or does everyone think famous people die in threes? Just wondering.

I’m sure this has been said before, but I’m new to this blog, so I will say it anyway: white people love “Stuff White People Like” because it allows them to laugh at themselves without feeling like they have actually been insulted.

2. Seasons
White people like to give all their material possessions a once-over every time the seasons change. Of course, the purpose of the material possessions is to boost their confidence and self-image so we’re not allowed to judge them on that. (Because they’re “worth” it, as L’Oreal says.)
White people clean their homes and closet once every spring when they partake is the ritual called Spring Cleaning. Some white people also buy themselves Summer Homes (in places that are only inhabited by humans during the summer) because, hey, everyone needs a place to call Summer Home in the summer, right? Some other white people – women esp., but also high maintenance gay men who need to carry their Stuff to make sure they always look good (in case you thought we were homophobes) – love to spend a few thousand dollars every spring on a new Spring Bag. This bag is used to carry a lipstick and other makeup in their favorite shade of a spring color, their new spring perfume, and the newest cellphone model that came out this spring. Now obviously this is a lot of work and white people can never be sure if a SUMMER bag can do it all.
Oh, and they love to make PLANS for every season. “What are you doing this winter?” “Oh, I’m thinking of working on my book.” (Ties into your earlier post about getting published.)

Okay, somebody needs to stop me from going on and on about this!!
-Ruchi

hey man i love this site and i don’t want u guys to ever run out of ideas. so just in case u guys do one day and havent used this yet, talk about how white people are afraid of mentioning someone’s race, if theyre trying to describe his friend who is black they’ll be like “umm hes got curly hair” rather than “oh hes black” cuz theyre so afraid of offending minorities

as some others have been saying, the whole aim of this blog is to define what it means to be a white person. like it or not, we are all defined by something.

you should not feel guilty for adhering to stereotypes- although the blog presents them in a negative manner, they are just ways that we conform to the norm. the point is understanding that you are white, and understanding that although you might want to be an individual, we are all products of greater social forces, such as race.

what the sight also does, through giving whites a group identity, is make them distinct from other races. with this, we can begin to understand how we have been influenced in our racial group and how our experiences differ from those in other groups.

Maybe it’s my 1/32 (or it 1/64) African American heritage, but I dislike bad music-comedy routines. It must be because I am descended from West African royalty or something really cool and non-white like that. Or is it the much-rumored Metis ancestry?

RESPONSE TO #72:
cultures can be ridiculed. each has its own that is ridicule-worthy as you suggest.
except, dominant culture created cultural ridicule
with black-face and mammy (at least broadly so)…so there is no chicken or egg. there is chicken, then there is egg, or if you prefer there is egg, and then the chicken. but never
chicken or egg. i’m a boolean bitch, pardon.

so dominant culture should be willing to sit back
and let the jokes/satire flow without so much a raised eye-brow, or justification, or an attempt to re-mock.

moreover, i find your analysis of the blog’s author fallacious. he perhaps may be as you say, but also may be an astute observer.

i myself am black, male, tall, and WAY lower-class, but observant in the extreme. our blogger may also be this…how so? he could work as a caddy, a server in a snooty bistro, or a landscape architect, or more simply just be USA citizen…it doesn’t take a college degree to read, write, or speak well. exposure to whites and white culture is SO ubiquitous, friend. your assumption that the blogger must be from your class because of what and how he has written speaks to the arrogance that almost invariably accompanies it.

that being said it is deliciously plausible that he does come from the upper-middle class, but incorrect to assume so only.

UG boots! White women love to wear Ugg boots, generally fur lined, no matter how hot it is or how poorly the boots actually match the outfit. Is this just a way to show how much white people love Australia?

jews are white. they are not catholic or protestant, but
they are white. why are jews referred to as jews?
they are white folks who are not catholic or protestant?
hello? they are white folks who practice judaism? just cuz
they stick together and were massacred during the
holocaust don’t make them non-white? i mean, i cannot
tell the difference between a jew and a non jew…that’s like
knowing how/who someone worships before they tell you.
and i can’t tell who is jewish and who is catholic? jews are
white. which means white people love white people.

Someone hasn’t seen enough jews to know that Jews are not “white”.
Most Jews if you look at their families may look white, and may look like they’re straight out of the middle east. I’m going to assume most have only seen Jews in United States.
As a proud American-Israeli Jew (born in Israel, lived in Israel, and now living in US, exactly half of my life spent in both countries 🙂 ..) We do in the US call it Judeo-Christianity, but when we say “white” it really means in the WASPy sense–something that Jews are not.
Many of the things that are ridiculed here is really American culture that everyone can relate to, and I can as well.

Judaism is not only a religion, it’s a way of life, and a culture, which is why it’s not “white”. WHen it comes to religious beliefs, it’s agnostic. What am I, what group I belong to, is not the same thing to what I believe.

Jews are very much part of US culture–unique yet being able to melt into what i mentioned United States that it;s Christian-Judeo society, although Judaism is unique in that it’s way more than just a religion.

As for musical comedies, my favorite is adam sandler with his hannukah song, because that cracked me up when I heard it a few years ago the first time 🙂

Jews can be of any race. And the Jews that primarily live in the U.S. are white and benefit from American White Privilege. A Cab driver doesn’t drive down the street and go “Oh look, a Jewish person” unless they are in full on Lubavitcher gear.

I have several highly educated White friends how read thie blog everyday and laugh about their whiteness. Funny reality, Black people already know a lot of these strang things about white people because we see them everywhere: television, movies, school, work, radio, stores–everywhere. I really hope that the people who are writing this blog are all non-white people. I have lived in exclusive white communities, attended Ivy League schools with “white people” and I’m so Happy I’m not White. So White people out there, keep reading this blog because hopefully you will finally see why non-whites in the United States have such major problems with white people. The reality is–you guys are really different and messed up…….Seriously!

I thought this was about musical comedy??? Since when were Jews always white? You may want to re-think that rayray #172…I do believe you can embrace Judaism and be any colour…Am I mistaken? Have I been living under a rock? I think the blog is fantastic!!! Some of the ridiculous comments on here are even funnier though….

white people have been taught by the politically correct movement to hate and mock them selfs. White men are the new nigger on tv and in movies. Chapple says whitey white boi and becomes a celebrity, Richard says nigger and becomes a pariah.

The media is completely racist, they only publish stories about white hatred ignoring that all races are capable.

I hope the lefts biased influence ends and we can become color blind and begin to progress, these times of racist witch hunts and self depreciating white folk are stagnant stupid times indeed.

Now I’ve never cared for musical comedy, except in “The Simpsons”. I much prefer ventriloquest acts. I once had this great idea for a ventriloquest act based on Elvis Impersonation. Both the ventriloquest, and the dummy, are dresserd in identical Elvis jump suits, with the hair, sideburns, and sun glasses. Sadly it never caught on. I had hoped for a second chance during the window of opportunity offered by the WGA strike, but they wrapped things up just in time for the Academy Awards. Alas.

I had to take notes with pencil and paper just to remember all the things I wanted to say, comment on, respond to. And I’m still leaving shit out. First off (maybe it shouldn’t be), comment #84 about how white people love having a Jewish friend is absolutely true. (For my friends?) Really, though, most people get excited when they find out I’m Jewish. It usually happens in the first few seconds when one of my other friends says “He’s a Jew” or something along those lines.

To the dude who said “Liam Lynch,” I want you to be my second best friend, for I love Sifl & Olly. But nobody likes that show, other than my white friend.

Related to #51 “living by water” — what about living beside artificial lakes?? In the city of Edmonton (in Canada) there are new suburbs being built all the time with (expensive) houses surrounding “lakes” that didn’t even exist one year ago! Example http://www.summerside-community.com

most people who have computers and look at blogs are white. the next entry should be #78: blogs. did that one already happen? all the white people i know look at a lot of blogs, and have blogs and care about blogs and search for blogs and want to find the coolest one. they brag about it, and they recommend blogs. it’s a status symbol, and it’s a huge waste of time. white people look at blogs while they sit at their desks, and while they lay in bed at night with their laptops. people of color simply do not do these things.

somebody should make a blog about this blog.

and then i will start a blog about how it’s stupid to start blogs about other blogs. that’s going to be fucking sweet. that’s another thing white people like: self-referentiality. always repeating the same shit over and over, recycling jokes, concepts, modes of domination, commenting endlessly on comments about comments. black people don’t reference each others’ ideas. especially not in music.

if i were a white man, (which i am) i would probably read this website very often.

p.s. and this is the earnest part: there is no such thing as reverse-racism. this blog is not “racist against white people.” that is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard. the first thing this country should do is figure out how to convince us white people that our society has sickness built into its history, it’s legal system, its education, etc. same goes for sexism.

That’s funny! And when I say funny I mean strange. Cuz nigg@s like musical-comedy too.
Now is this some type of coin-inkydink. I think not, I mean if a musical-comedy is funny, then it funny. Your a$$ could be high yellow, and flat like a white girls, until JLo made it cool for non-sistas to have a$$, and if a musical-comedy is funny you will laugh, if real funny you may even laugh your a$$ off, but if it’s wack, it’s wack, stuffwhitepeoplelike and got on reserve or not.

cool, i accept your apologies. the thing i wrote was more a thought exercise, because for the most part i like this site – it cracks me up – but i think it reinscribes racist language sometimes. it might work against its own goals. but i don’t know what those goals are, so i may be wrong…also, isn’t that what comment sections are made for? screeds?

and, it annoys me in these comments and elsewhere when white people say they are victims of reverse-racism or when men say they are victims of reverse-sexism. seems almost impossible.

but you might want to check up on your homophobic remarks, jajo. my gay friend here is so upset he might have to fill somebody with his juice… and i guess it will have to be me.

I love this blog. But I think that FOTC honestly has some great satire built in to their music that can appeal to all races. It’s like when my tiny white a** relates to a Butsta song because of the content.

your blog is now something white people like. do you know how many emails i’ve gotten from my white friends this week about this? more than i’d like to count.
anyway, who the f*ck are you to publish a blog about what white people like? why don’t you profile yourself?

Holy Spamalot! Musical comedy has proven almost as contraversial as bottled water. Still “A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum” was almost funny at times, right? Loved the opening song “Comedy Tonight”.

White people also seem to love the Beatles. They compare them to Beethoven, so I’m guessing that it’s not a musical comedy thing. Progressive Rock too. I love Jethro Tull!

#168 – ignorant dumb fuck, being uneducated and trying to make a statement that requires more brains and understanding that is capable of ur small pea brain proves ur a retard. the blogger is white. whats so hard to understand about this?!?

LOL! Actually I never post comments on the “Stuff White People Like”, I mean it’s so stereotypical, do you really think they are all the same! Give me a break! It is pretty funny though at times! But “white People this” and “white people that”? Isn’t that a little immature? not to mention FAKE!

This is especially effective if proper very-white-looking-people talk as if they’re black – better yet, you can make them rap. Conversely, you can get a black person that sounds very white. It’s a surefire comedy formula that white people will find funny, for some fucking reason, every time.

I hang out at a very very white bar in my neighborhood; yesterday afternoon this one annoying as hell guy, who’s a regular came in, played the same crappy songs on the jukebox that he’s been playing for years (some lousy Queen song that you never hear on the radio) and began to sing along but changing the words to make the song sound humorous and a little dirty. Anyway, I thought of this particular part of this forum of this blog and was going to tell him about it; not sure he’d get the joke and he’s stupid and doesn’t know how to turn on a computer.

i loooooooooove FOTC. they are so hilarious. i think if you are HUMAN you like them. everyone likes a little chuckle now and then – it is good for the heart. particularly when that chuckle involves laughing AT (i mean with) other people.

1. Talk about absurdity. How is Mark Penn spending his gigantic haul? is answered by Arlen at the Daily Background:
Hillary Rodham Clinton’s pit-bull pollster and chief strategist Mark Penn has his Washington, DC, neighborhood in an uproar. He recent…

this site is hilarious and right on, just the other day, a very nice white classmate of mine, told me all about how hilarious the sarah silverman — matt damon song was, lol, I check this blog everyday keep it going

white people love having people from other cultures raise their children and clean their places, and often be condescending about it.
white people also love bitching and complaining but doing nothing
about what theuy bitch and complain about.

– white people love having folks from other cultures raise their children and/or clean their places (home or work). often
being condescending about it.
-white people love to complain/bitch about stuff but do nothing to
change what they complain/bitch about.

‘white people’ threaten to go to canada which has ‘white people’ therefore ‘white people’ = Americans on this website, therefore i’ve replaced ‘white people’ with ‘americans’ on every post including this, and would like to remind the world that georges bressens was a funny french songwriter. loved the post about white people struggling with their monolinguality..oh yeah sarah silverman is not funny or talented – the flight of the conchords are funny and talented…

Si t’as le bec fin,
S’il te faut du vin
D’ premièr’ classe,
Va boire à Passy,
Le nectar d’ici
Te dépasse./
If you’ve a fine palate
And you drink wine
Of the very best,
Go and fill your glass at Passy
The nectar from this place
Will be more than you can handle.

Mais si t’as 1′ gosier
Qu’une armur’ d’acier
Matelasse,
Goûte à ce velours,
Ce petit bleu lourd
De menaces./
But if your throat
Has a lining
Like a steel mattress
Just take a swig of this velvet,
This little tot
And all it threatens.

[…] looked through many of the posts and, apparently, I am quite stereotypically caucasian. I like musical comedy, modern furniture, Michel Gondry, standing still at concerts, recycling, expensive sandwiches, […]

In general i hate singing/musicals. One of my favorite media center features is the 30 second skip. It enables me to quickly bypass the singing portions of a Family Guy episode much to the annoyance of my wife 🙂

“Weird Al Yankovich, Tenacious D, Sarah Silverman (sometimes), Flight of the Conchords, Dennis Leary, and Adam Sandler are all excellent examples of the genre.”
Meh, the only one I’ve liked to date that I found quite recently was Rodney Carrington, and that’s only because he appeals to that 10% of my brain that really likes puerile humour.

“White people love standing in long lines for new technology – e.g. ipod, ps3, etc.”

White people love standing in long lines – period.

Whites will stand in a long line for anything. It’s as if they’re genetically programmed for it. It doesn’t really matter what the line is for either. If there’s a short line and a long next to each other, they will choose the long line 90% of the time. Some of them won’t even know why they’re standing in line. They just see others do it, so they jump on board. Which leads me to another thing white people love:

Jumping on the bandwagon (aka fads). As much as white people love being first to discover something, they also love following (this is why it’s so important to be FIRST at something…so they’re not accused of being a follower like every other white person).

According to this article, all white people are upper middle class. In my home, we value the Elk’s head on the wall and the kudzu garden. We would no more spend money on a designer chair than we would a Berlitz course. We are anxiously waiting for our tax rebate so we can put bigger tires on the pickup. We also need money for shoes that will accommodate an unconventional number of toes. I have been chosen to write this comment, because I have an associates degree in animal husbandry. Don’t ask.

response… to 174,
not only have i grown up around many jews, my current
boss is jewish and female. she is white.
moreover, by your logic, as a dark-skinned black, all i have
to do is take part in white culture and that will make me
white. sorry. it doesn’t work in this way.
i agree judaism is more than a belief. it is a culture and a way of life. i whole-heartedly agree, but if i convert to judaism, my skin will not lighten (nor darken for that matter because jews are white and black), nor will my hair become less kinky.

I’ve found the irony of the Rutles to be quite satisfying – although their songs are not “funny” the idea of them is shear genius, and the obscurity of them surely adds points to their score, being both british, beatle-ish AND having the original SNL cast involved.

Yes! Like Lewis Black! And The Late Great Bill Hicks! Oh, wait, they never sang….hmmm……

Well, Music is Great…. and Comedy is great …. And white People are Great…. Why the Hell not?

Are there Black people and Hispanics and Asians walking around thinking everyday to themselves “…Ya know, if those white people would just give up that Damn musical Comedy I could almost get along with them!”

Because that’s Ok. We white people kick ass enough were we can let them have that lil ol flaw and not worry about it.

i really dislike comedy songs or singing comedians. that dick in box thing caused my in-laws no end of mirth, but I just don’t get it. similarly, adam sandler’s songs make them chuckle and leave me cold. why is writing a song with “humorous” lyrics so much more funny than just saying the same words? is it another example of that (white) American artform – musical theater – that I don’t get either?

i should add that i’m a music-loving, white european living in america, so do buy in to much of the stuff white people like, but this phenomenon is much more prevalent among American whites and so far has proven inscrutable to me.

I feel confident in my assessment that the jews who write for this blog are laughing at all the white fools who hate their race and post here. BTW, Steve Martin, Sarah (niggerdicksucker) Silverman, Adam Sandler, etc., are not white but are khazar jew dogs. The joke is on all of you stupid deracinated whites who post here.

When I saw Flight of the Conchords listed here I knew I was in trouble. I started reading off the rest of the list and it was pretty much a check for every other one. The thing is, I think you’re trying to mix two sub-classes of the genders: Wanna-be hipster whiteys (probably me): the ones that read The Onion, watch Conchords, Silverman, etc. Us Wanna-be’s would never like the top-ten white-people rap songs though and a number of other things that are more appealing to the Red-neck whitey. So you might want to sub-cat these posts that way you have more that can relate to one category. Also – remove that Douchebag that made the 347th comment.

[…] the author makes fun of white people who have their children in multilingual schooling (check) #77 Musical Comedy – in which the author makes fun of Flight of the Conchords fans (check / if hating the Conchords is […]

ps we don’t HATE our race, or anybody else’s, that’s the new white way, laughing at ourselves so we can start a conversation about how silly it all is, and then there’s you, like Hitler himself a little freaked out that there may be a little jew blood floating around in your veins..
***White people love talking about racism****

Everybodys different in there own way, many different races like the same stuff. Some black people like contry or rock, some white people like rap and R&B.Its not all about race its about ur personality and how u carry yourself. You can’t judge a book by its cover all people are equal.

I fucking HATE musical comedy. Even though it’s what I do for a living, I can’t fucking stand it. Especially my stuf! My stuff is the worst. I wrote a song called Time Machine about going into the future and fucking myself that is by far the worst thing I have ever heard.
I’m not really sure if I’m white or not, (because I’m adopted, and therefore might be black or asian or a robot), but based on how much I hate musical comedy, I’m forced to conclude that I’m probably not the whitest knife in the drawer.

…….Yeah, Adam Sandler is Jewish, WTF? I’m surprised no one has every mentioned that “white” show, “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” I’m mean, sh*t, that show is colored white all over. You got these middle-aged men singing and playing games with each other. It’s not musical comedy to me, but to white people, I suppose so.

By the way, I understand that one of the members is black, but Wayne Brady actually fits into the “white category” anyways (you know, with the way he talks and all).

[…] t-shirts (if this were the “Stuff Persians Like” blog then it would’ve been dead on) and musical comedy have completely missed the mark. I’d like to consider myself an expert on white people (I know a […]

#347 LOL!!!! Most of the NPR-type Whites are so judaicized they have ceased to White on almost any meaningful level, escpecially as compared to their grandparents and other ancestors. They really don’t know how in a fog they are.

Go see Rent. At their Christmas party a Jew sings the line, “Ohh little child of Bethlehem to you we raise our” (and just as everyone is raising their glasses) another jew woman steps in front of the camera and pulls her pants down.

In other words to the little child of Bethlehem we give to you our ass. This is what Jews make for Christians as Christmas entertainment. And they NPR-idiot Whites are so stupid by now, they are totally unaware of almost everything.

Hey man, those guys are kiwi’s. This site should be called “things white americans like” and don’t diss our kiwi music – most of it sucks but FOC have got so far! And watch “Eagle vs Shark”! Some of you are idiots you’re so quick 2 accept what others tell you you are – stand up for yourself!

[…] March 13, 2008 Sunday Afternoon from Jon Lajoie Posted by eyesforindie under funny vids / music vids You can never have too many socks, you know. If there’s one thing white people love, it’s musical comedy […]

Musical comedy is a very confusing term that you’ve used here. Know why? Because comedic musicals and their genre are referred to as musical comedy. But then again, white people do love musicals. so the point is still there.

[…] #77 Musical Comedy – This style of humor involves a person or group singing a song but rather than singing about something serious, it has funny lyrics. It’s not any more complicated than that, but white people can’t get enough of it. […]

The Flight of the Conchords is genius. By the way, Jemaine from the Conchords is Maori, or part Maori, I think. Not that that makes any difference to how much white people like them, just a bit of trivia.

My boss and other assembled rednecks were crowded around the computer watching some “Overtime” video buy “Flight of the Conchords”. They didn’t knwo it was a show on HBO. The station that has “The Wire” “Sopranos”, and “DeadWood” that they love.

White People love black men. Truth : 90% of white women after a hard day of feminsim have to get back to their roots of being conquered and defile themselves with the most disgusting thing possible, black dick. A log of poop covered in B.O and cocoa butter slamming into them. Look they’re getting wet just thinking about having that in them instead of the 3.5 incher that Jared the liberal vegetarian they married fucks them with.

Cultured white people who like to slum as suburban yuppies and uncultured white people who like to have pretentions of culture like P.D.Q. Bach. Exposure to this artist typically occurs during High School, typically in advanced choir classes (which all white kids take so that they go on to be on American Idol some day). Later in life, this can be pointed to as part of the “Bad Memories of High School”.

Use of the name P.D.Q. Bach will generally be met with dismay by those not in the know. Those who know will attempt disavow or hide their knowledge unless they use it to change the topic to “Bad Memories of High School.” However, your understanding of this satirist will show those who understand that you are truly advanced and cultured.

Ok, so all white people are rich? Is what your pretty much saying. Actually most WHITE people can’t afford to go to college, we dont get free education. I have never met a white person who gives much of a shit about what t-shirt they have on. Oh but I do know white people who cannot get medicaid or food stamps because they make too much, which means they make just barley enough to get by, but someone from another race who makes the same amount sure as hell can. You obviously dont know any white people. You also obviously watch to much tv. One thing white people definitly dont do is sit around and talk and worry about what other races are doing. We have are own lives. So why dont you go out and get one of your own. Oh and next time you want to bitch about how much easier it is for us white folk, go out and research how hard it is to get financial aid if your white, or welfare if your white, or free medical care if your white. Trust me, we dont have it any easier than you do. You are an ignorant piece of shit!! Atleast we dont hang out at car washes and spend more money on our cars than our houses, at least we dont beleive that our sons our better than our daughters and atleast we dont have stupid blogs like this one. Because literaly the only racist white people are the ones living in trailor parks missing teeth and have a meth lab in there bathroom. Too bad you cant use your mind for something useful. Oh and dinner parties? I wasnt aware it was 1950. Oh and white people are the only ones who drink on holidays. And yeah so some old people where matching jogging suits, i’ve seen other races do the same damn thing. Everything you typed can go towards any race. You are really really stupid.

Pretending to be black via of rap music – White people truly believe that Rap was created in “the toe”, whereas commercialization of near to sub-sonic low frequency resonations for mass public consumption was intentionally implemented into inner cities by the CIA as “operation dumbdown”….

We Jews love the fact that we got on the jewelry and garment industry investment band wagon ages ago. Whooda thunk it!! What a country!!!

Stuff white people like…hmmm….it’s almost as if white people want to be civilised with the stuff that is on this site. You don’t see anything like living in huts or attacking each other with machetes or killing for someone’s basketball shoes, or wearing a sari…yet why is this stuff presented with such a bad attitude on the write-ups? As if having a dinner party was a bad thing. Oh yeah because white people feel guilty for being the dominant race

Wow guess I’m not white, or liberal white. Out of the whole list I got T-shirts, but only as I hate long shirts, they make me itch. My Wife is asian, but it was character not race why I wed her. Nice list

This comes across as very, very racist. Can’t hispanics, asians, blacks and anybody from any other race enjoy all of those same things? I suggest the author of this finds something better to do with her time.

Dammit StuffWhitePeople like! You’re letting me down here! I’m white as the product in my username and HATE musical comedy! I hate acoustic guitar music period, actually, so when I see some comedian go up on stage with one, the hatred is already flowing.
I forgive you though, cause this blog’s been so true on so many accounts.

This one is completely true. The line about combining jokes that aren’t funny with music that isn’t good exactly sums up my reasons for not liking this kind of thing. It looks like you’ve really touched a nerve, too.

The title should be change to Comedians who sing since I doubt that I am the only person who, on seeing the Topic, was expecting a look at The Musical from Gilbert and Sullivan to A Chorus Line.

I am not going to read all the posts to ensure that I am the first to mention:

TOM LEHRER
and
Allen Sherman

Stan Freeberg is lower o the list since, while his songs in “Stan Freeberg Modestly Presents “The History of The United States ” Part One: The Early Years” and some other originals is almost ias well known for “Eldery Man River”.

I will add Tom Paxton since many of his topical song ranging from ” I Am Cahnging My Name to Chrystler” (protesting the bailout) to “It’s Only a Game” (Rubiks Cube) are very funny.

This blog is a pretty good idea because if you have jokes that aren’t great, writing that’s not great, and social commentary that’s not insightful, you can mix them together and create something that will entertain self-hating white people, the Nation of Islam, and retarded people in general.

I think that this website needs to be adapted into a play, possibly with musical comedy interludes.

you could cast some asian women, maybe some black lesbians, or a farsi speaking homosexual. it would show them dominating a dinner party, outdoors near water, after donating money to buy bottled water for poor immigrant kids. then they would all go snowboarding

Your comments aren’t entirely true, why I have some white friends and they aren’t like this at all, and actually dislike soem the more “southern” style comedians that you might call “white trash”. If you’ve takn notice, the media plants these ideas into your mind anyhow, by telling you what’s right or wrong, good or bad, funny or sad, they can start to dictate precicely what your buying paterns are or will be. If you believe that your race is white trash, then you will behave, buy and succomb to the perceptual patterns or your varied perceptions of what you think “white trash” people should behave like, just as you were taught by the media. This is natural truth that is inescapable; only through knowledge and self awareness can you begin to break this shakel. Unfortunetly, denile and the herding instinct prevents a full follow through of this process. Also, media is very smart and they are continually changing the attack angle’s so that your subconscience cannot recognize or fully address the hyper-awareness factors affecting to surrounding stimulous balance.

Stephen Lynch sucks… so do other singing comedians.
I went to see a comedian once and Lynch was right before him. I’ve never seen Marquette University students laugh so hard. I just didn’t get it.
Geek would strum a guitar, stop strumming and start yapping about something that made these people laugh, then he would start strumming and would sing about what he was just talking about.

I don’t get this one. I can agree with all the others on various degrees but you put Flight of the Conchords which is a satirical group that does not belong on the list. It’s as if you were to put Spinal Tap up as being one of the worst bands ever. You don’t get the joke. and suddenly I realize how unfunny this entire webpage is. I’m not sure you are as clever as you think you are. And there is a fine line between funny observations and racist generalizations. even if you are white.

I don’t get this one. I can agree with all the others on various degrees but you put Flight of the Conchords which is a satirical group that does not belong on the list. It’s as if you were to put Spinal Tap up as being one of the worst bands ever. You don’t get the joke. and suddenly I realize how unfunny this entire webpage is. I’m not sure you are as clever as you think you are. And there is a fine line between funny observations and racist generalizations. even if you are white.

“You don’t get the joke. and suddenly I realize how unfunny this entire webpage is.”

Oh boo hoo you melodramatic freak.
Have you read the entire webpage, liked it, read that Flight of the Concords and then changed your mind?

“I’m not sure you are as clever as you think you are.”

Let’s see if this makes sense: you are not certain if he is as clever as he thinks he is?
How clever do you think he thinks he is? Oh yeah, you were uncertain about that. Then why make a sentence stating it?

I agree with anonymous. i think this site is a bit racist. i don’t care what race the guy is who is writing these. perhaps one blog would be interesting but taking you’re own observations and slapping them onto an entire race, is terrible. no wonder you are getting people who oppose this webpage. they don’t like being compartmentalized and lumped into a stereotype. god bless’em for defending themselves. as much as this might be funny to a small population of white people, I find it strongly offensive as someone who isn’t white. and i would just be careful.

I’m half-white, and I dislike most kinds of musical comedy. I really, as in *really*, can’t understand the motivation behind forking over more than $100 to watch some people in costume sing sentimental love songs. I must not be white enough.

Your day’s never over,
Your work’s never through!
Though you’ve tamed most of the heathen and the barbarians too!
‘Massa, thanks for ‘lectricity and the (Ah So!) internet too!
WHITEMAN, THE WHOLE WORLD’S DEPENDING ON YOU!

They tried to say that ‘you can’t jump’.
But, you made it to the moon without having to dunk.
You might not have much rhythm,
But you can (steal) carry a good tune,
WHITEMAN, THE WHOLE WORLD’S DEPENDING ON YOU!

You made it through civil rights and women’s lib too,
You’ve been through a lot, good buddy, no wonder you can sing the blues!
If the world’d open their eyes, they’d see that in the past you’re not really stuck,
Even though you still fly a rebel flag, at least it’s on a Japanese pickup truck!

Black may be beautiful, and tan may be grand,
But white’s still the color of the BIG BOSS MAN!
’Ask not’ (J.F.K.) whether it’s true,
WHITEMAN, THE WHOLE WORLD’S DEPENDING ON YOU!

The world doesn’t understand your level of stress,
Every minute’s a Malox moment, but that’s the price of success!
You watch your laptop for the first sign of loss,
Well, it’s time you paid the cost to be the boss!
Don’t drop the ball now and lose the home court advantage,
Or we’ll all have to say the pledge of allegiance in Spanish!(‘Press Uno for English’)
Only you can straighten out the world’s condition,
‘Cause you were properly conceived in the missionary position!
Stand up like a white man and do your white duty,
Or we’ll all be blown to hell by sheik your booty!
ASK NOT whether, Hillary or Obama can rule,
WHITE MAN, THE WHOLE WORLD’S DEPENDING ON YOU!

But what about indie music? You don’t see FOC making fun of it, this is especially odd since everyone in the audience – being white people – would get the cultural reference.

My point being, that white culture increasingly feels the need to attack the mainstream and the mainstream’s appropriation of black culture (e.g. Ali G) but sees very little need to provide a critique of its own culture. Though to be fair to Flight of the Conchords, it mocks mainstream culture in a very gentle way.

I am in favor of songs that mock every single demographic on the planet. In order to keep it fair. I mean, I’m a liberal jew. I think some of us should start a band that mocks every demographic just to keep it fair. Now that’s going to be a lot of songs….one for every culture… but it could be the “World Mockery Rockband” with one song for every day of the year until we’ve covered every demographic.

I sing. Now I’m just looking for a guitarist, drummer and pianist. Oh yeah, morroccas are fine too.

I mean, F.O.C. is a bit narrow, let’s open up the mockery to the entire planet (and don’t forget Bush).

I dont know about this one. I love FOC because they are witty. So shouldnt this be changed to all stand up comedians who arent ethnic. Thats what comedians do, tell witty jokes, unless they are ethnic cause then they just tell jokes about how they are different from white people.
And plus I know a shit load of white people who dont like FOC.

Um, this is kind of fun, but…
I checked the List carefully and couldn’t find any of the following items. Without these addenda, the list looks suspicously like “Stuff White Liberals Like That Make White Conservatives Feel Uncool.”

I don’t get #20, but everything else is hilarious. Who knows, maybe you can start your own blog?

Anyway, as an Israeli I can say it’s frikkin hilarious that most Israelis would vote for the Democratic candidate, yet it’s the crazy evangelical types that are super supportive(Bush is frequently called President Busha which means embarrassment). I guess McCain might be different if no one is really aware of how much he changed, but I doubt anyone would vote for someone with Sarah Palin as VP…

^^ Yeah except maybe all the thousands of PUMAs whjo are now campaigning for the Republican ticket, people with special needs children, conservatives who were previously ambiguous about McCain, and the tens of thousands of people that show up at every rally she holds. Apart from them, probably no-one at all.

[…] dude on the planet, period. There’s a lot of things that I don’t find funny like #77 on Stuff White People Like – Musical Comedies. Every now and then, I’ll pop in Bigger and Blacker, and I’ll be […]

I love Flight of the Conchords! I’m not white but after I watched the first season I genuinely wanted to study abroad (#72) in New Zealand. To be fair, I’m going to be a pre-vet major and there are a whole of alotta sheep in New Zealand.

Can play the guitar should be changed to think they can play the guitar but are in fact terrible. They will most likely tell you about heartfelt and profound songs they have written. DO NOT ask to hear them, because they are most certainly terrible.

The problem with musical comedy is personified by the Barenaked Ladies, who started out doing musical comedy and as they got older, graduated to humourless leftism, just because they felt that they “needed to grow”. Unfortunately, they’re all brilliant musicians, so you can’t hate them completely.

Look you self-hating scum. You think non-practicing Jews from this country are like the Jews in Israel? You’re an idiot. None of your shit is funny because it’s so full of right versus left, and cliches. With weak sucks like you taking up room breathing everyday we are sunk.

[…] albumdujour The occasionally updated and even more occasionally entertaining racial comedy blog Stuff White People Like considers “musical comedy”, that is, comedy set to music, to be something that White […]

Bleh, I guess I fall to the other side of the white spectrum with this one. I can’t stand singing comedians, myself. Aside from Sarah Silverman and Stephen Lynch, whenever I see a stand up comedian with a guitar next to them, I usually just change the channel. I mean, I came to hear jokes. Stop beating around the bush with your crappy songs and just throw me some punchlines and anecdotes already!

CHILDREN MUST BE INCULCATED AS TO THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION IN THE ATTAINMENT AND MAINTENANCE OF A HEALTHY MIND AND A HEALTHY BODY! PENT UP SEXUAL FRUSTRATION IN CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN HONESTLY AND ADEQUATELY DISCUSSED AND DEALT WITH IN JEWISH DISCOURSE AND DOCTRINE. MODERN LIFESTYLES AFFORD INDIVIDUALS THE PRIVACY AND HYGIENIC FACILITIES NECESSARY TO MASTURBATE IN A PRIVATE, DIGNIFIED AND SANITARY MANNER. ONE CAN WELL UNDERSTAND THE IRE THAT WAS AROUSED BY MASTURBATING INDIVIDUALS FOUR THOUSAND YEARS AGO WHEN AN ENTIRE LARGE FAMILY LIVED TOGETHER IN A TENT IN AN ARID LOCATION. NOBODY WANTED TO HAVE A WAD OF FLYING JISSUM HIT HIM IN THE EYE OR LAND IN HIS HUMUS. WATER WAS SCARCE AND ONE HAD TO WALK , SOMETIMES LONG DISTANCES, TO THE WELL TO GET IT, IF IT WAS AVAILABLE AT ALL. UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IT WAS A CHOICE OF WATER FOR DRINKING OR WATER FOR WASHING EJACULATE OFF OF ONE’S HANDS. THIS IS WHY THE EARLY SAGES WERE SO VOCIFEROUS IN THEIR CONDEMNATION OF MASTURBATION. WE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A HORNY BUNCH AND, IF THERE WEREN’T THESE SEVERE STRICTURES AGAINST MASTURBATION AT THAT TIME, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ERRANT CUMSTAINS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THE SMELL OF FRESHLY RELEASED JISSUM WOULD HAVE WAFTED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN WITHIN THE HALLOWED HALLWAYS OF THE SACRED TEMPLE ITSELF. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. IF PARENTS TODAY STRESS THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION TO THEIR CHILDREN, THEY WILL HELP LESSEN THE OCCURRENCE OF STDs, AND UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES. SCHOLARSHIP LEVELS WOULD INCREASE DRAMATICALLY WITH THE RELEASE OF PENT UP ADOLESCENT EJACULATORY TENSION.. IF NECESSARY, PARENTS SHOULD SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN AS TO THE PROPER METHODOLOGY FOR THIS ACTIVITY AND FOLLOW UP AND MAKE SURE THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE MASTURBATING REGULARLY AT AN OPTIMUM FREQUENCY. KEEPING A MASTURBATION DIARY COULD BE A VERY USEFUL TOOL IN MAINTAINING THE PROPER SCHEDULE. EVERY PARENT SHOULD ASK HIS CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS, “DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND MASTURBATE TODAY?” OH, OF COURSE, THE CHABADNIKS AND THE FRUMNIKS WILL YELL OUT, “BUT RAMBAM SAID THIS, AND RASHI SAID THAT AND RABBI AKIVA SAID THIS, AND THAT, ABOUT THE EVILS OF MASTURBATION.” PROBABLY ALL THREE OF THEM WERE MASTURBATING WHILE THEY WERE WRITING THESE STRICTURES, ANOTHER CASE OF “DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO”. WE MUST NOT CONTINUE TO LET OTHERS DO OUR THINKING FOR US UNDER THE GUISE OF RELIGIOUS EXPERTISE. SHALOM AND ZEI GEZUNT!

AN UPDATED TREATISE ON THE NEED FOR A SEMITIC MODERN MASTURBATION MENTALITY

By Rabbi Moshe “hung so lo“ Rabeynu, Ph.D April 19, 2009
comments

CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS MUST BE INCULCATED AS TO THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION IN THE ATTAINMENT AND MAINTENANCE OF A HEALTHY MIND AND A HEALTHY BODY! PENT UP SEXUAL FRUSTRATION IN CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN HONESTLY AND ADEQUATELY DISCUSSED AND DEALT WITH IN JEWISH DISCOURSE AND DOCTRINE. HISTORICALLY, JEWISH PARENTS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO COPE WITH THEIR MASTURBATING CHILDREN BY ASSERTIONS THAT GOD IS OFFENDED BY THEIR ENGAGING IN THIS ACTIVITY AND THAT HE VEHEMENTLY FORBIDS THEM THE RESULTANT RELIEF AND COMFORT. HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE STARTED ON THE ROAD TO ATHEISM OR APOSTASY DUE TO THEIR PARENTS’ GROSS OVER-REACTION TO THEIR HARMLESS CHILDHOOD WANKERY? THE SCENARIO OF JEWISH PARENTS MOANING AND GROANING AND HARANGUING THEIR FRIGHTENED CHILDREN WITH THREATS OF GOD’S WRATH FOR MASTURBATING IS COMICAL AND TRAGIC AT THE SAME TIME. THEY MIGHT AS WELL TELL THEIR CHILDREN THAT GOD DOES NOT CONDONE THEIR SCRATCHING THEIR LITTLE ASSES IF THEY HAVE AN ITCH.
MODERN LIFESTYLES AFFORD INDIVIDUALS THE PRIVACY AND HYGIENIC FACILITIES NECESSARY TO MASTURBATE IN A PRIVATE, DIGNIFIED AND SANITARY MANNER. ONE CAN WELL UNDERSTAND THE IRE THAT WAS AROUSED BY MASTURBATING INDIVIDUALS FOUR THOUSAND YEARS AGO WHEN AN ENTIRE LARGE FAMILY LIVED TOGETHER IN A TENT IN AN ARID LOCATION. NOBODY WANTED TO HAVE A WAD OF FLYING JISSUM HIT HIM IN THE EYE OR LAND IN HIS HUMUS. WATER WAS SCARCE AND ONE HAD TO WALK , SOMETIMES LONG DISTANCES, TO THE WELL TO GET IT, IF IT WAS AVAILABLE AT ALL. UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IT WAS A CHOICE OF WATER FOR DRINKING OR WATER FOR WASHING EJACULATE OFF OF ONE’S HANDS. THIS IS WHY THE EARLY SAGES WERE SO VOCIFEROUS IN THEIR CONDEMNATION OF MASTURBATION. WE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A HORNY BUNCH AND, IF THERE WEREN’T THESE SEVERE STRICTURES AGAINST MASTURBATION AT THAT TIME, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ERRANT CUMSTAINS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THE SMELL OF FRESHLY RELEASED JISSUM WOULD HAVE WAFTED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN WITHIN THE HALLOWED HALLWAYS OF THE SACRED TEMPLE ITSELF.
TIMES HAVE CHANGED. IF PARENTS TODAY STRESS THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION TO THEIR CHILDREN, THEY WILL HELP LESSEN THE OCCURRENCE OF STDs, AND UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES. SCHOLARSHIP LEVELS WOULD INCREASE DRAMATICALLY WITH THE RELEASE OF PENT UP ADOLESCENT EJACULATORY TENSION. .WHAT PARENT HASN’T FRETTED AND WORRIED OVER THE MOODINESS AND SURLINESS OF HIS ADOLESCENT OFFSPRING? THERE IS REALLY NO MYSTERY AS TO WHY THE LITTLE BASTARDS ARE ACTING OUT SO WILDLY. THEIR HORMONES ARE CAUSING THEM HIGH LEVELS OF DISCOMFORT AND FRUSTRATION. INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM MASTURBATE FURTIVELY UNDER THE BEDCOVERS IN A NIGHTLY GUILT- RIDDEN FRENZY OF PENT-UP SEXUAL DESIRE, THEY SHOULD BE GUIDED TO A CIVILIZED AND GUILT-FREE MASTURBATORY REGIMEN. IF NECESSARY, PARENTS SHOULD SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN AS TO THE PROPER METHODOLOGY FOR THIS ACTIVITY AND FOLLOW UP AND MAKE SURE THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE MASTURBATING REGULARLY AT AN OPTIMUM FREQUENCY. KEEPING A MASTURBATION DIARY COULD BE A VERY USEFUL TOOL IN MAINTAINING THE PROPER SCHEDULE. EVERY PARENT SHOULD ASK HIS CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS, “DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND MASTURBATE TODAY?”
OH, OF COURSE, THE CHABADNIKS AND THE FRUMNIKS AND THE HAREDINIKS WILL YELL OUT, “BUT RAMBAM SAID THIS, AND RASHI SAID THAT AND RABBI AKIVA SAID THIS, AND THAT, ABOUT THE EVILS OF MASTURBATION.” PROBABLY ALL THREE OF THEM WERE MASTURBATING WHILE THEY WERE WRITING THESE STRICTURES, ANOTHER CASE OF “DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO”. WE MUST NOT CONTINUE TO LET OTHERS DO OUR THINKING FOR US UNDER THE GUISE OF DIVINE REVELATION AND RELIGIOUS EXPERTISE. WE CANNOT LET BACKWARD LOOKING ZEALOTS WITH THEIR ARCHAIC, OUTDATED AND ANACHRONISTIC MORALISTIC MISCONCEPTIONS CAST THEIR PALL OVER THE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS MASTURBATORS OF THE WORLD. WHAT WAS LOOKED UPON AS A SHONDER FOUR THOUSAND YEARS AGO BY UNENLIGHTENED MENTALITIES SHOULD NOT BE SO DENIGRATED IN THESE MODERN TIMES. THE BLESSINGS OF MASTURBATORY RELIEF SHOULD BE LOOKED UPON AS THE BIRTHRIGHT OF ALL B’NEI ADAM. SHALOM AND ZEI GEZUNT!

BULLSHITTERS BEWARE! THE GREAT OFFENDER IS HERE!
WHO KNOWS WHAT BULLSHIT LURKS IN THE MOUTHS OF MEN? THE GREAT OFFENDER DOES! WHAT IS BULLSHIT BUT A BLATANT LIE TOLD WITH GREAT CONVICTION! THE MORE FLAGRANT THE BULLSHIT, THE MORE THE BULLSHITTERS COMPLAIN AND STRIKE OUT WHEN QUESTIONED AND CONFRONTED. THE GREAT OFFENDER HAS NO FEAR AND SHOWS NO MERCY. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY!￼
￼
About Me
“THE GREAT OFFENDER” “When I’m hard, I’m soft. But, when I’m soft, I’m hard!
￼
￼
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
“THE BALLAD OF THE GREAT OFFENDER”
Yes, I’m the great offender!
Offending is what I do well.
I won’t play your games
I’ll kick ass and take names
and give all you bullshitters hell.

Oh yes, I’m the great offender!
Searching the web far and wide.
When I find things not true,
I shout out “F-you!”
And the liars all run away and hide.

I sit by my screen
I’m so vicious and mean
Telling it just as it is!
All the bullshitters moan
And plead “let me alone”
And I say “here’s my ass to kiss!”

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yesss, I’m the great offender!
Just doing what needs to be done.
You bullshitters out there
Had all best be aware
That breaking your balls is great fun…
That breaking your balls is great funnn!
Posted by “THE GREAT OFFENDER” at 8:03 PM
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I’m white and I never saw the appeal in any of these groups. I find it hilarious, and my lily white coworkers always ask me if I ever listened to or have seen Flight of the Concords. I can’t take them seriously, and just the name alone makes me think of one of those live action bobble headed puppet movies from back in the day. LOL! Those same folks are also into bottled water, netflix, arrested development, mad men, organics, and just about everything else on the list. Hell, even I like a few things on the list. I may be white, but not livin in a cave albino white. This site is hilarious and spot on!

Berto that is inconsequential to a point I do not want to begin to stress furthermore Berto I think your fatal flaw in pointing out the inadequacies of our clever author has revealed something to us about you Mr. Berto…..

A) You actually know off the top of your head how to spell that ass clowns name. In which case you are pathetic.

B) You took the time to either look up his name or meticulously went through the post and looked for errors.
In which case you are pathetic.

I love Flight of the Conchords (and, for what it’s worth, they actually do parody serious topics, such as sweatshop labor). But I disliked Tenacious D, absolutely detest Adam Sandler and Stephen Lynch, and didn’t even know Leary had attempted this genre. Where does that leave me?

And you’re putting Weird Al into this group? That’s a bit of a stretch.

For your wallet’s sake, I hope this lame blog stretches as far as your lame archetypes. But eventually you’ll have to find a new venue in which you can project your own self-consciousness onto blanket categories.

Musical comedies are BIG with white people, let me tell ya! Sing and make jokes, but no blackface minstrel shows or Jewish shtetl schtick of yiddisha love. This is too nice, but if it’s only white people around in the audience. The original musical comedies involve discussions about racial/ethnic groups and catchy tunes “I like Chinese” or “I hate the French (Frange)” from BBC-TV’s Monty Python of the ’70s. +

I have Adam Sandler’s audio cassette from the album ‘what the hell happened to me’, one of his many musical comedies from the late ’90’s. Now he’s funny…and don’t forget Colin Quinn’s “Irish Kings of Brooklyn” rap from the early ’90s.+

I think the posts in your blog are beyond ridiculous. I like many of those things and I’m black. I also come from a country where the majority of the people are of some African descent, which includes many of my friends who like singing comedians and much of that stuff you had mentioned. You’re obviously not very exposed, and I bet you’re one of those people who seem to think that everyone darker than a certain shade must listen to hip hop, soul and rap, live in a ghetto, speak in broken English, love junk food, is promiscuous and the works. Well done…You’re a liability to the evolution of the human race.

Flight of the Conchords are meh for me, but I like Weird Al…and bro, that dude does actually have talent. Also Stephen Lynch is great, lol.
Tenacious D has a few decent ones, I actually like how Jack Black sings 😛

How could you forget bo burnham!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! He not only sings comedy, but raps it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG…dueling pianos! I have never understood this form of comedy. I have been twice, and there are generally only white people there, having a ball like it is the most hilarious thing they have ever experienced.

[…] medicine charity event. It apparently was received positively, which just proves that white people love musical comedy. I finally got a hold of a recording of the event. You can check out my perfomance if you have […]

White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
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Yes, we of the melanin-suppressed tribe do take to our drollery entwined with melody. If the subject matter involves rogering the cigarette girl, all the better!
Or, if I may tender a suggestion, a whimsical wheeze about feminine hygiene:

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