Max Silvestri

Rough day for animals, as there's been an outbreak of bull flu in Ireland. Its symptoms are a bull escaping from a cattle market and scaring the crap out of Irish people in a supermarket.

The Guardian interviews the owner.

While Mr Cummins is laughing about it now, he said it could have been a very different story.

"It is a good news story but it could have been a bad news story, a pregnant woman could have been hurt, a child could have been hurt, anyone in the store. There could have been a lot of damage or there could have been damage to cars, thank goodness no one was injured."

Damage to cars?? What a vivid imagination Mr. Cummins has. "Someone could have been killed, or almost killed, or not killed at all. Just imagine! This bull could have not come into the store at all, but instead what if it had gone to the hospital where it might have mistaken all the town medicine for bullfood and eaten it and then taken a few of the babies from the nursery back to its bullcave and raised them as warriors and eventual usurpers. I guess we are just lucky this is a good news story and not a bad news story."