Mexico allows Central and South American immigrants to pass through her borders on 72 hour visas, and most of those people are headed for the porous southern border of the US. As these illegal immigrants pour in, local pressure builds, and now there’s another movement happening at the US – Canadian Border. Canadians don’t like it.

Here’s the full transcript from The Manitoba Herald 1 December 2010:

Border Fence Proposed
by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party and the fact Republicans won the Senate are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.” When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.

The US and Canada are not the only countries experiencing an influx of illegal immigrants crossing their southern borders. Check out this image from Vladikavkaz, Russia:

If the Theory of Global Worming is true, there’s going to be a massive influx of people from all regions south of the Arctic Circle, judging from the current migration patterns.

Sure, Canada has Molson’s and poutine, but I’m gonna stay put and watch the parade. By the way, The Manitoba Herald folded in 1877, there is no such person named Clive Runnels, and I am not the author of the quoted satirical article. Go figger.

Hoffmann was the German precursor to Charles Addams, writing and illustrating short stories/poems for children that can only be described as violent and bizarre. Judging by his popularity, both children and adults loved them (and still do) and he was translated into many languages. Mark Twain’s English translation was published posthumously, and he took some liberties to make the stories rhyme.

Hoffman, besides being a writer of satire for both children and adults, despised authoritarianism (he even did a lampoon of Adolf Hitler), worked as a psychiatrist in an insane asylum treating paupers. His Wiki bio is interesting.

[Image and caption found here; Our non-comprehensive Archive of “Contributions To The World” here.]

One thing is for sure. Tony Clifton is larger than life, and his imposing image on the Las Vegas Strip deserves to be spilled into the right hand margin. If you don’t like him, you can leave this blog right now. He’s that big.

The late Andy Kaufman knew Tony Clifton personally. For those who only remember Kaufman as Latka Gravas from the TV series “Taxi,” you’re missing out, as Kaufman was an awesome, if eccentric, comedian. Prior to his stints on SNL, Kaufman was a stand up comic whose specialty was long set ups that often had no punch line, yet occasionally provided a responsive audience transportation to a local venue for milk and cookies. He was also a talented impersonator.

Ted Nugent, a Michigan-born conservative who has endorsed Obama’s presumed Republican challenger in the November elections, Mitt Romney, drew Secret Service attention with his blunt remarks about Obama and administration officials at the NRA event.

“We need to ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November,” Nugent said at the convention.

U.S. Representative Debbie Wasserman Schultz, chairwoman of the Democratic National Convention, responded earlier this week, saying “threatening violence – or whatever it is that Nugent’s threatening – is clearly beyond the pale.” [via]

In response to Wasserman-Schultz, Nugent was typically blunt and to the point.

“Now what you gotta do, I’ll tell you what you gotta do You got to pretend your face is a Maserati It’s a Maserati It’s a Maserati It’s a gettin’ hotty It’s a Maserati, Maserati, Maserati It’s a fast one too man, that thing’s turbocharged You feel like a little fuel injection honey? I’ll tell ya about it, I’ll tell you about it I gotta get that hood scoop off, shine and shine and buff I’ll check out the hood scoop I gotta buff it up, buff it up, buff it up, buff it up, buff it up, Yeah, shiny now baby, heh heh heh You’ve been drivin’ all night long It’s time to put the old Maserati away.”

[Update: Photo in the screen cap was misidentified.
It is not Ted Nugent, it is Sammy Hagar. – Bunk.]

[Update II: Although the above is mostly snark, this is not. h/t RoL.]