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I do. I’ll admit it. I’ll destroy a cheese plate. But can we all agree that one shouldn’t consume a cheese plate at 9:30pm on a Wednesday night, considering one goes to bed at 11:00pm?

Sigh.

I’m going to the gym today after work. I’ve resolved that if I haven’t made plans to do an open mic or show on any given night, I’m going to the gym. I’m trying the elliptical without arms, as I heard that that puts my emphasis on working your lower body. That makes sense to me.

It has been an extremely long time since I published any content to this site. I’ve been waffling – do I keep Cute and Paranoid as a persona (though, let’s be honest, I am still both of those things)? Do I pick a shiny new blog with a sleek minimalist template? What sort of content do I want to be putting out there these days?

A lot has happened in the time that has passed and I’m due to provide an update. I think there’s something to be said for accountability – both to oneself and to others. That idea of writing down your goals and sharing them.

Most recently, I accomplished my biggest goal to date: I performed my one-woman show, SHIKSAPPEAL: Getting the Chosen to Choose Me, in the 16th annual New York International Fringe Festival – FringeNYC. I sold out my run (6 shows) and was reviewed by The Jewish Daily Forward (!) and nytheater.com. Indie Theatre Now declared the piece a Reviewers’ Pick. All of this felt absolutely fantastic.

As with all accomplishments, the question that inevitably follows is: What next?

I wish I knew. I can tell you what I’ve done since my show closed on August 26, 2012:

I wrote a ton of thank you notes and follow-up postcards to donors, industry and press.

I went out on 2 commercial auditions.

I gained about 10 pounds.

I switched from Bare Minerals to MAC make-up. Yes, this is worth mentioning.

I went back into stand-up immediately. I had four shows in October. That’s not enough.

I had meetings with my director and dramaturg re: next steps.

I met with a Jewish comedy colleague who is thinking about taking SHIKSAPPEAL to a synagogue

I took a workshop about attaching a workshop to your solo show, creating an interactive experience

I’ve thought a lot about THE NEXT SHOW and what that will be.

I saw Mike Birbiglia’s film, Sleepwalk with Me, at IFC, followed by a Q&A with Birbiglia and Ira Glass. Amazing. Inspiring. Funny.

I’ve pared down my possessions quite a bit. I feel like I can think better when I’m not thinking about all the stuff in my home.

I went to the gym about 5 times. Which is 5 times more than I’d gone in the six months prior.

I amassed some debt. I’ll say it. I’m not proud of it. Not at all. Every year, I seem to end up completely broke in October. Right before the holidays.

In addition to all the open mics and shows, I’ve seen a lot of stand-up, which feels great. I’m always learning. Tonight is Louis CK. I can’t wait.

I’ve kept a food diary since 2007. This food diary evolved into a spreadsheet containing food consumed (and calorie count), money spent, exercise and what I’ve done towards my career. I think I’ll be providing a snapsot of this data here, moving forward. Another way to hold myself accountable. If I’m going to remain in limbo, figuring out what happens next, what the Next Big Thing is, I might as well account for my time.

“I want you to play like you’re 7 years old at a recital. I want you to play like your mom’s in the room. I want you to play like you’re miles from home, and your legs are dangling from a boxcar. Or play like your hair’s on fire. Play like you have no pants on.”

And, on his recent album which touches upon current events:

“I’m not really qualified to discuss any of these matters on a political level. I always imagine you sit at a piano with an open window, and whatever is out there will come in, pass through you and then turn into a song.”

And, the comic/writer in me especially loved this:

“There’s truths there that spiral out of what appears to be just a word game. That’s what I find mystifying about the meanings of things: they kind of unscrew themselves from the practical words.”

Indeed.

Thanks, as always, to my dad who gives me the best pieces of the Times every Sunday at dinner after mass.

is one of those articles my dad hands me wordlessly across the dinner table at the Palm after 6:00pm Sunday mass, leaving me to draw my own conclusions not only about the piece itself but about what my dad’s motives might’ve been in giving it to me. It’s a smart piece. For those of us with dayjobs we like but passions we, well, feel passionatelyabout, it’s a tough but fair read. You quit your dayjob to do your dream and your dream is tough as all hell AND you’re suddenly worried about money. Leap and the net will appear, my ass.

I can’t afford to quit my dayjob. I only recently dug myself out of the mountain of debt I’d accrued pursuing acting in my 20s. I hopped from assistant gig to assistant gig to up my salary and get (and stay) financially stable. Even now, when I know I need new headshots and want to take a screenwriting class, I know I can’t because I have a little less than a grand in debt and I want (need, let’s be honest) to shrink that back to 0. I don’t want to count on my bonus (here’s hoping I’m still getting one, you never know) to pay off the overspending of the months before.

There is that fear, though. I don’t want to wake up an old lady and still doing someone else’s expense reports. I don’t want to potentially raise a kid or two and those kids tell their friends that I’m just a secretary. That’s not okay. Even now, I know my dad, a self-made man from the Bronx, dies a little inside when he thinks about how I graduated from a good school cum laude and am totally content not remotely pursuing a corner office.

“You’re just as smart as they are, Kad. And just as educated.”

Sigh.

The last time my dad silently handed me a bit of paper? A tear-out from his church bulletin, an ad for catholicmatch.com.

The Midtown is the second of three festivals that has accepted this piece. It’s the little show that could! “CALL ME” premiered in the Plus One Solo Show Festival in October 2010, it’s going up in the Midtown in July (7/18, 7/21 and 7/30) and it’s hitting Manhattan Theatre Source’s Estrogenius Festival in October 2011. Consider checking it out, won’t you?

THE SKINNY:A freshly single woman in her 30s awkwardly attempts to navigate the tech-heavy dating scene. Call her old-fashioned or old school, this girl longs for human interaction. And if that means having a threesome with a suburban couple from Jersey, so be it.

“CALL ME” is the first half of a 45-minute evening called “CALL ME/SWAMP GIRL.” My fellow solo show performer Deb Castellano performs the second 20-minute piece, “SWAMP GIRL, ” in which she uses karaoke and pole dancing to overcome some significant losses in her life. She is strong, sexy and ready to kick ass.

Single Jewish Dad meets single Catholic girl. They fall in love. Is she ready to be a stepmom to a toddler when she wasn’t planning to be a mom at all? Is he ready to declare her Mrs. Right for him and his son? He’s an organic textile salesman. She’s a stand-up comic. Two thirty-somethings find common ground in the midst of baby mama drama (his), disapproving parents (hers) and one adorable little boy (also his).

I am DELIGHTED to be performing an excerpt from my solo show, “Call Me,” tonight at the Purple Rep Theater Company’sSexed Up Stories benefit. The event is from 7:00pm – 10:00pm at Gibson Guitar, which is at 421 West 54th Street. You can read all about Purple Rep here