This is my column this week in the New Zealand Herald, which is published in the digital edition every Thursday…

Odds are, if you’re of a certain age, somewhere in your brain the words “stranger danger” are etched as a dark warning.

Images of dirty old men, strangers with sweets and trench coats dominate what we wrongly assume to pose a danger to our children.

Of course, we now know that this portrayal is, at worst completely wrong, at best a statistical anomaly.

Around 85-90 per cent of sexual abuse is by someone known to the child – family, extended family, neighbours, teachers, sports coaches and the clergy. This is where the danger lies.

So how do we protect our children? How do we teach them to be safe in the world, to protect themselves from sexual abuse without traumatising them in the first place?

Where we start is by helping kids – from the age of about three and up – understand that their body is theirs and that they get to decide who can touch them, hug them and be close to them.

Sex doesn’t even need to come up, although teaching them about “private parts” and the right names for such things is a good idea.

It comes down to boundaries and consent and as parents, building and continuing to build, a safe relationship that encourages openness, and hopefully leaves kids knowing that they can talk to us about anything.

Fortunately, there is a course in Auckland, offered by Auckland Sexual Abuse Help that has been effectively teaching such things in pre-schools for 25 years.