Zoe's story

I havnt had anything done to me... But i cant trust boys because of what has happened to my friend... She was round her boyfriends house and she was raped. At about 3 in the morning, i had her knocking my my door asking if she could stay round mine. She told me what ahd happened and her story has made me so scared of staying round my boyfriends house. I know not every boy is like that but i might be unlucky enough to have a boyfriend like that... What can i do to make sure?

Saw this campaign advert at the cinema....sadly I don't think it helps the situation and a more preventative nature for both males and females should be addressed instead....

Cases like this would never be successfully prosecuted: The 'evidence' would be that
they are alone so it's the old adage of his word against hers; they're obviously at a party together as a couple, they go upstairs voluntarily as a couple, they go into a bedroom as a couple laughing and joking....

This is all ANY eyewitnesses would see...therefore no case.

Think about WHERE you are...WHO you are with....WHAT are you doing there? WHAT do you think the other person is there for...

Maybe then there will be less of the WHY? and more people will stay safe

Of course it's not just about legalities but the legal processes in this country do not help and why the conviction rate is low. What I pointed out is illustrative of what the courts would see....

So what can you do to stop ever being in this horrific situation? You protect yourself as best you can...

It's not a question of putting blame onto the victim either - I never said that while I never mentioned anything about what clothes were being worn!! That's a very stereotypical viewpoint to take.

To me, it's a question of being a little bit smart, streetwise and using a bit of common sense whoever you are.

For instance, as a guy, if I am out and meet a girl I like and we start chatting, I may offer to buy her a drink.....but I make sure she comes to the bar with me.....in turn protecting not only myself but her as well.

Similarly, there have been times when girls have collapsed off their face in clubs.....no-one has taken any real notice but as a Good Samaritan I make sure a bouncer or someone knows and they are dealt with...again I make sure I am not alone when I am trying to help someone and in public view at all time.

My younger sister was also taught not to play silly games like how many free drinks she can get out of guys on nights out. Because, although most are fine, there are a few people who will be looking for something in return...

Sadly this is the way of the world in the 21st century...we don't live in unlocked terraced houses, all go to church with a sense of community and strong upstanding morals and views...it is predominantly a nasty place at time.

Furthermore, 'Abuse is Abuse' is a trivial thing to say in my post as it is was not a case of morality - we can all agree with that it is wrong....

It's about ALL society taking a collective responsibility through protection and prevention....

Blake - 01/05/2012

I'm not sure that the point of the project is to consider legalities. The advertisements are aimed at helping people who have been abused and, crucially, at STOPPING THE ABUSER. Regardless of any testimonies or evidence, the whole scene is wrong. To say 'be careful where you are, who you're with, or what you're wearing' is to shift blame. No person can go around thinking about potential abuse and how to avoid it the whole time - especially since abuse mainly occurs in trusting relationships. Instead of stating that people should stay safe, society needs to put more emphasis on the fact that this should not be happening. Abuse is abuse and the person committing it is in the wrong.

Anon - 30/04/2012

Sarah

27/04/2012

I have never been raped but i have a friend who was raped at a young age and i think its a horrible thing do nobody should have to go through that.

Hi, I was at a party.. a guy had been giving me drinks all night.. he lead me off into a secluded part of the garden where we were kissing.. suddenly he pulled my pants down. i told him to stop but he ignored me and i was too scared to do anything. about 10 minutes later he left me lying on the grass on my own with my knickers around my ankles. I've never done anything about it as I know he was drunk and I don't think he realised the gravity of what he was doing.. I too had been drinking which, as far as I'm aware, nulls any argument in court. He added me on facebook 2 years later which caused me to have panic attacks consistently for the next 2 months whenever I was on my own.. Is it too late now to do anything?

Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with all that is happening.

Firstly, historic allegation can still be reported if this is something you wish to do. There would not be any forensic recovery however the police can still investigate the substantive offence.
However before making the decision, I would suggest speaking to professional to ensure you have full details of the process and advice.

Talking to someone may also help you deal with the past. You can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

yes, sadly rape from a person you know happens a lot more than stranger rape

ashley - 29/04/2012

Yes, it is and you should probably report it. I'm really sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you're coping okay. x

Ada - 28/04/2012

yes....depends if she didnt want to

hello - 28/04/2012

carrie

26/04/2012

alot of the time my boyfriend call me names makes me feel worthless and that id be better of dead then he presures me into sex when i dont want it and thats pretty much everyday. i want to leave him but cant he controls my money and spends it before i even get a chance to buy anything i need.

i just want to know if any of this is abuse cause its really starting to get to me.

If you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, try and find someone you trust to talk to.

This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

27/04/2012

Ched

26/04/2012

Hello my name is Ched. Last may I had been clubbing with a friend and he picked up a drunk girl and took her back to a premier inn. He then text me telling me he 'had a girl'. I arrived at the premier inn and me + x had sex with the girl. I'd just like to know if this is rape??

This site is for people who actually want advice or support, not for someone who is trying to make fun of what is happening to so many people. 'Ched' - this obviously refers to the story of the footballer who was convicted of raping a girl this week, after his friend texting him saying he 'had a girl'.

Louise - 29/04/2012

Hi Ched

Thank you for your post.

Unfortunately I cannot answer your questions as I don't know whether the girl consented to having sex.

The law on rape say that if you do not get consent – it's rape. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
Also, sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

i have a stepdad nd i am really scared 2 be alone wiv him. my dad died in 2008 nd i really miss him but i feel stupid talking about him. but what shall i do shall i just act normel aroud him or not? shall i tell somebody? xoxo

You should tell a close friend, or even a close family member, so that they can understand what you are going through. It is hard to be left alone with your mother's husband, almost like being left with a stranger, but be strong, and act as soon as you can. You can do it.

xx Jay xx

J - 30/04/2012

lollie3

25/04/2012

hey people im 11 nd i am very scared of growing up nd having a bf in high school. please can u give me some advice. thx for reading xoxox

Believe me there is nothing to be scared of about growing up, provided you are careful that you're not forced into anything you don't want. I'm seventeen and i've only just got my first boyfriend. Trust me it's worth waiting for the right guy, if you're not sure about dating then don't. High school is almost nothing like it seems in the movies and it's really a lot less scary than you'd imagine. Just remember that you always have a choice and if you choose not to date until you feel ready then that is your decision. I know people who started dating too early and regret it so if some people tease you then they really need to grow up.

Alex - 17/05/2012

Anonymous

25/04/2012

Hey,

I am now 22 but when i was 15 my boyfriend constantly bullied me and told me what to do. One night i went round his and we was sitting upstairs in his bedroom. Nobody else was home due to his Mum and Dad working late shifts. I fell asleep on his bed then i woke up (still late at night) with my top off and him in the middle of pulling my pants down. I immediately ran home crying but i didn't tell my parents as i was embarrassed and scared. I text him straight away and told him that we needed to break up and what you did was wrong. He text me back saying fine but you'll regret it. I thought he was just mucking around. That day when I went to school i told my best friend and we stayed behind at school to talk about it and finish revising. When It was time to go home, it was dark so my friend walked half way home with me. She then turned the other way to walk back to her house. 5 boys ran up to me and pinned me down behind some bushes i didn't recognize them at first but then i heard there voices. It was my ex and his friends. I shouted and screamed STOP but nobody heard me. They all took turns with me. It was horrid. I know this was not my fault but i thought i should share it :(

I feel for you
I am so sorry you have ever had to go though that
You should tell the police be cause that is gang rape

Laura - 13/08/2012

yeah i agree, i would like to see them go into prison, they only do it because it gives them a sense of controll. x

katie - 14/05/2012

I am so sorry, If anything like that happend to me i'd share it to! Have you told the police the boys would proberly go to the BIG HOUSE for several years?

Meg - 28/04/2012

im so sorry guy can be x, i hope they went down

adam - 27/04/2012

Natalie

25/04/2012

I think rape is a horrific thing that nobody should have to put up with. Its a horrid thing but can happen to anybody! Rape isn't the nicest thing to talk about but people should learn about it. They don't teach you this sort of thing at school but they really should especially as you start to get older! Most kids don't know exactly what rape is in fact most of them just think it's abduction and then sex.Rape can be all sorts of different things. This is a life lesson that i think all kids should learn as they got older. I have been through an experience of rape myself. It was horrible!

I'm a lad, i had sex at the age of 15 with a 15 yr.old lass... and unfortunelly we didnt have money to get condoms at the time and now, I'm a father to her kid,
and now since shes had the kid she wont let me see it,
would that be classed as Abuse/Rape?

If it is what should i do about it?#

Should i take her to court? to get childcare support or whatever it is...

You can cantact the following organisation which will be able to offer advice:
Families need Fathers on www.fnf.org.uk
Family Lives on familylives.org.uk

27/04/2012

Anonymous

24/04/2012

hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

2 yeas ago i was having a sleepover at my boyfriends house and we were watcing a film about relationships and we were sat next to eachother on his bed (his parents were out clubbing) and he started to feel around the top of my thigh and fiddiling with my belt buckle when he had undid it his other hand went up the back of my shirt and he started undoing my bra strap i told him to stop but he said he would tell everyone i was fridjed if i dident shut up so i did and after about half an hour he had undun my shirt i wanted it to stop therebut he just carried on then he pinned me on his bed and had sex with me when he had finished i got up and ran into the bathroom and started crying he came in and said he felt realy bad for what he did and promised he would never do it again we made up and we are still going out together but now we talk to each other and he asks me if im readu before we do anything sexual but what i want to know is was this rape and should i have told anyone???

Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Many people who have suffered find it helpful to talk to someone about it, but it’s a personal decision. You say you’re still with him and he now always asks if you’re ready before you do anything sexual, which is good, but if you do want to discuss it with someone, there are lots of organisations who can help in the Need Help section of the site.