A 77-year-old Florida man doused his 72-year-old girlfriend in “sex lube” after his request to get intimate was rejected by the victim, police allege.

According to an arrest affidavit, Roger Archambault squirted the lubricant “all over the victim’s shoulder and neck” around 11 PM Friday. Archambault, cops said, “wanted to have sex with the victim” and acted “when she denied him.”

Police responding to the couple’s Clearwater apartment noted that lubricant “was visible” on the woman, who also had bruises from an earlier confrontation during which Archambault allegedly kicked her in the thigh and grabbed her hand.

Archambault, who had locked the woman out of their home, denied striking his girlfriend. Investigators contend that he was “under the influence of alcohol and sleeping pills.”

Pictured above, Archambault was arrested on a pair of battery charges. He is expected to be released from the county jail on his own recognizance, but will be required to wear an electronic alcohol monitor.

A nude man walking along an interstate in New Jersey was using a sex toy on himself when his public pleasure session was interrupted by police yesterday.

Officers responding to a report of a “naked man walking along the tree line on Route 287” discovered Stephen Kurkowiak, 39, in the altogether near mile marker 64 in Mahwah, a Bergen County township about 30 miles north of New York City.

When Kurkowiak, who lives in upstate New York, was approached by two patrolmen, he stood up and pulled "an object out of his rectum." He then tossed the sex toy over his shoulder, said James Batelli, chief of the Mahwah Police Department.

A woman who introduced herself as the “Million Dollar Ho” was arrested last night in a prostitution sting, according to Florida police.

Cops charge that Debra Thomes, 49, approached an undercover cop who was behind the wheel of an auto parked in a Fort Pierce. After asking the officer if he wanted a date, Thomes entered the vehicle around 8:45 PM..

Once inside, Thomes “introduced herself as the ‘Million Dollar Ho,’” according to an arrest affidavit. She then allegedly offered to provide sexual services for decidedly less than seven figures--$40 to be exact. Thomes assured the prospective john, “You’re the first one today.”

Thomes subsequently lifted her dress, exposing her vagina to the undercover cop (who then gave a takedown signal to fellow officers who arrested Thomes for prostitution).

Pictured above, Thomes was booked into the county jail, where she is being held on $3750 bond. Thomes, who was convicted last month on a felony prostitution charge, has also been convicted of criminal mischief, possession of drug paraphernalia, trespass, resisting an officer, and exposure of sexual organs.

Alcohol may have played a role in the pair’s public display of affection, which resulted in the arrest of Lehman and Schultheis for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. The pair was released from jail Monday after spending about nine hours in custody.

An argument over “whether ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Star Trek’ was a better movie” turned violent Saturday afternoon when an Oklahoma man shoved his roommate to the ground and began choking the male victim, police allege.

According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, the cinematic dispute resulted in the arrest of Jerome Dewayne Whyte, 23, for the assault of Burke Bradley Warren, 19.

During the “Star Wars”/”Star Trek” argument, Warren “became so frustrated” with Whyte that he left the pair’s shared living area and went to his room. As he departed, Warren told Whyte, “You’re just a trick.”

That comment prompted Whyte to follow Warren into his room, where Whyte allegedly twice shoved his roommate to the floor and then sought to “choke out the victim,” police reported. While being strangled, Warren “went in and out of consciousness.”

Since police judged Whyte to be the “aggressor in this altercation,” he was arrested for assault and battery. He was also charged with marijuana possession. A post-arrest computer check revealed that Whyte had outstanding arrest warrants in connection with prior convictions for passing bad checks and child abuse. In both of those cases, Whyte failed to pay fines and restitution ordered at the time of his sentencing.

It is unknown which film Whyte, seen in the above mug shot, believed to be superior. Whyte is currently locked up in the Oklahoma County jail.

7/7 UPDATE:A Magistrate Court judge today denied bond to the Smiths, who remain in custody at the Appling County jail. Judge Ronnie K. Lewis ruled that the couple--who spent nearly two weeks on the lam before their surrender--was a flight risk and a danger to the community. Lawyers for the Smiths will have an opportunity to petition for the duo’s pre-trial release during a future hearing in a higher court.

Two weeks after a Georgia restaurant owner and her teenage daughter were beaten by a couple unhappy with their chicken order, the alleged assailants today turned themselves in to police.

Nathaniel Smith, 45, and LaTasha Smith, 28, surrendered to face felony charges in connection with the June 22 incident at the Qwik Chik takeout stand in Baxley, a city about 90 miles west of Savannah. The Smiths were the target of a law enforcement dragnet that included police and federal marshals.

According to investigators, the Smiths (seen below) complained to eatery owner Jeanette Norris that their chicken was cold and that they did not receive a sufficient amount of French fries. When the dispute escalated, Norris dialed 911 (after having refunded the couple’s money).

As seen in the above surveillance footage, before cops arrived at Qwik Chik, LaTasha Smith attacked Norris with a flurry of punches. When Norris’s 15-year-old daughter sought to aid her mother, Nathaniel Smith sucker-punched the girl in the face.

Following the assault, the Smiths fled in a Cadillac Escalade and remained on the lam until this morning. The couple was being sought on warrants charging them with aggravated battery and cruelty to children. Nathaniel Smith has a prior felony conviction for the sale and distribution of cocaine and marijuana.

An Oklahoma man is facing a felony charge after allegedly phoning in a bomb threat to the Muskogee Police Department from a pay phone in the station’s lobby.

According to cops, Michael Prince Myers, 22, called 911 at 3:30 AM Tuesday to report that he "placed a bomb at the police station." Myers “also stated he was a terrorist and wanted to turn himself in.”

Investigators quickly determined that the call was coming from inside the precinct house and collared Myers, who is seen above. Myers, a Muskogee resident, is being held in the county jail for making a telephone bomb threat.

Myers, court records show, was convicted in 2013 on two felony burglary charges (for which he received a suspended seven-year sentence).

A bikini contest competitor is facing a battery charge for allegedly clobbering another female contestant over the head with high-heeled shoes, Florida police report.

According to cops, Erica Kaitlyn Mize, 24, tangled with the victim last month during the Miss Sailfish Regatta Bikini Contest in Stuart on Florida’s Treasure Coast.

Investigators allege that after the 11 bikini-clad contestants left the stage in Stuart’s waterfront Causeway Park, Mize tussled with the 23-year-old victim (who is the current girlfriend of Mize’s former boyfriend).

As first reported by Will Greenlee at TCPalm, the victim told cops that Mize (pictured at right) warned her that “you should go to the gyno because you’re in for a rude awakening.”

The victim said that Mize “hit her on the head with her high heel shoes,” according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report. The account of the victim--who had a small lump on her head--was backed up by witnesses, cops noted.

While the report does not further identify the alleged weapon, photos from the bikini contest show that Mize wore a pair of strappy turquoise platform heels (seen at left).

Mize, cited for misdemeanor battery, was on probation at the time of her bikini contest collar. In mid-April, she was placed on probation for a year following a conviction for marijuana possession.

Mize, an aspiring model, works for a Stuart accounting firm, according to a police report.

The gunman who opened fire this morning on Republican congressmen and staffers recently declared in a Facebook post that, “It’s Time to Destroy Trump & Co.”

The accused shooter, James T. Hodgkinson, 66, posted a link to a Change.org petition in late-March that included the notation that, “Trump is a Traitor. Trump Has Destroyed Our Democracy. It's Time to Destroy Trump & Co.”

Hodgkinson’s Facebook page includes numerous photos of Senator Bernie Sanders, whom Hodgkinson appears to have strongly supported during the 2016 Democratic presidential primary. In posts last August, Hodgkinson wrote, “I want Bernie to Win the White House” and “Bernie is a Progressive, while Hillary is Republican Lite.”

In a statement, Sanders said that he had been informed that Hodgkinson "apparently volunteered on my presidential campaign," adding that, "I am sickened by this despicable act...Violence of any kind is unacceptable in our society and I condemn this action in the strongest possible terms."

According to Hodgkinson’s Facebook page, he is a member of numerous left-leaning online groups, including The Road To Hell Is Paved With Republicans; Rachel Maddow For President 2020; Sanders For President 2020; Terminate The Republican Party; and Donald Trump is not my President.

Hodgkinson, a Belleville, Illinois resident, was killed when police returned fire this morning.

According to police reports, Hodgkinson has twice been involved in gun-related matters involving law enforcement.

On March 24, a Belleville man called police to report hearing 50 gunshots near his home. Responding officers came across Hodgkinson "in the pine trees." Hodgkinson--who was carrying an Illinois Firearm Owners Identification Card--was advised by cops “not to discharge his weapon in the area” since there were homes nearby. Hodgkinson, who was not arrested, was carrying a hunting rifle, cops say.

In 2006, during a family dispute, Hodgkinson allegedly pointed a shotgun at a man who told police that Hodgkinson struck him in the head with the weapon’s wooden stock. As the victim fled, Hodgkinson “shot one round,” police reported. However, “It was unknown at the time of this report if the subject fired the round” at the man “or in the air.” Hodgkinson was arrested for domestic battery and aggravated discharge of a weapon. His rap sheet includes other collars for resisting police, drunk driving, and criminal damage to property.

The St. Clair County Sheriff's Department today distributed two mug shots of Hodgkinson, one taken after his 2006 arrest and a December 31, 1992 booking photo. Details of the earlier collar were not provided by police.

Hodgkinson has worked as a home inspector. According to his firm's Yelp page, Hodgkinson has operated JTH Inspections since 1994.

A woman swinging a cross repeatedly struck her husband in the head with the religious item, according to cops who arrested the alleged assailant on a felony domestic battery charge.

Cops say Tina Abrams, 49, attacked her spouse early Friday morning after he returned to the couple’s St. Petersburg, Florida residence.

As her husband was washing up in the bathroom, Abrams announced that she was “through with this shit!” and "grabbed a glass cross from the living room." Abrams then began to “repeatedly strike” the victim, who suffered abrasions to his right temple and the upper left side of his head.

Abrams, whose rap sheet includes a 2007 battery conviction, was arrested and booked into the county jail. Freed Sunday after posting $2000 bond, Abrams (seen at left) has been ordered to have no contact with her husband.

An arrest affidavit notes that the cross--characterized as a “blunt object”--was not seized by police.

A Kentucky teenager arrested this week appears to have set a new U.S. record for hickeys.

Micah Musser, 18, was arrested yesterday morning after Louisville police discovered him and several juvenile runaways inside an abandoned building. Musser and the minors were found laying on the floor, which was strewn with “empty alcoholic beverage containers,” according to a court citation.

Musser told cops that he and the minors had consumed the alcohol after gaining entry to the boarded-up property the prior evening.

Charged with criminal trespassing and unlawful transaction with a minor, Musser was booked into the Louisville Metro Corrections jail, where the adjacent mug shot was snapped. He is scheduled for a June 13 arraignment on the misdemeanor charges.

The citation offers no details as to how Musser obtained the apparent hickey swarm on his neck. Based on photos uploaded to his Facebook page in late-April, Musser’s hickeys appear to be of recent vintage.