I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.

But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.

How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.

BOOM! That’s still 10 times better than anything CBS analyst Seth Davis has turned in. That guy has never picked anything right, so even guessing one game correctly means I’m smarter. And since the Sweet 16 began, I’m 100% with my picks. Sure, you can go back and look at my picks in my previous Dummy’s Guides and say, “Hey Burnsy, you’re not 100%” but you’ll be lying. You’re lying to me, our readers and yourself.

Stop it.

Now, I’ve become so committed to this year’s tourney action that as I write this, I am sitting at a sports book in Las Vegas. Which one? I’m not sure, because I wrote this before I flew out to Vegas, but still. Use your imagination.

Feel free to stop in and comment and expunge your own knowledge on Saturday’s Final Four action. I’ll be checking in from Vegas to report on the true gambling addicts in their natural habitat, hopefully with pictures (and reward people with free shirts). In the meantime, let’s breakdown some teams.