Every so often I check my
blog stats to see what kind of searches land people on my blog.It’s always interesting, and the results from
the past eight weeks are no less so.

I like to look at the
results as a kind of snapshot of what’s on the heart of married people today.
Granted, most people who come to my blog via web search are looking for answers
to a problem or dilemma, so the results are skewed in that direction. Still, I
think it’s helpful in identifying what issues folks are facing these days.

Top Searches (Part 1)

In this post and my next
one, I’ll be reviewing the top ten searches, in order, and discussing what they
say about the state of marriages today. Because exact search terms vary, I did
my best to group like searches together to get the summary statistics.

Sexual Surrender/Sexual Submission – What’s fascinating about this search it is
the first time it has appeared with any significance. It jumped out of
nowhere to number one. I can only attribute it to the“50 Shades of Gray”
phenomena. The funny thing is that I only have ever addressed this topic
in one short series, and none of the posts included anything about ropes
or floggers.

My Husbands Won’t Lead – This is the first time since I started
checking search results (almost two years ago now) that this search term
was not number one, dethroned by the “Gray” factor. I am still convinced
that this is the number one issue holding marriages back today. Men have
been conditioned not to dare “step up” yet many wives are desperate for
them to do just that.

Sex
– I don’t write a lot specifically about sex, though I do address it periodically
in the context of discussing many other topics. The interesting and sad thing
about the people finding my blog through a sincere search about sex (I
threw out the obvious porn searches!) is that two thirds of the searches
were related to sexual shame.I think sexual shame is a particular
problem in the Christian community, due in part to the church’s failure to
deal candidly and openly with the topic. I also wonder whether or not
there is a lot of shame associated with the recent explosion in popularity
of erotica, particularly BDSM erotica.

Most
searchers found this post:Shame and Sexual Intimacy.I have a
terrific series on shame, which I claim is the biggest intimacy killer, together
with its evil twin sister, fear.The
series starts here: Shame and Intimacy, which includes a fantastic TED Talk video.

Surrender/Submission – Off and on, I have written a lot about
biblical roles in marriage, and I’ve given pretty equal treatment to the
topic of a husband's headship or leadership, and a wife's submission. Consistently, however, submission
gets the lion’s share of the search hits. My theory goes like this. There
are a lot more wives trying to figure out how to walk out biblical
submission than there are husbands looking for information on how to lead
in a biblical manner (See #2 above.)

I
also think there is a great deal of misunderstanding and misinformation about the
term submission and what exactly it is. Those looking to gain clarity on what
submission really is all about mostly ended up on one of two posts.The fist is part of my “What I Believe About
Marriage” Series, “Love,Respect and Submission.” The second, somewhat older but ever popular post
is, “Respect,Submission and Trust.”

Intimacy/Oneness – The popularity of these search terms fall
right in line with my New Reader Survey (take it now if you never have by clicking the link).
Since I started the survey a few years back, the number one item people
say they want to hear more about is “How to Grow in Intimacy.” What they
are ultimately seeking is how to live the “one flesh” reality that the Bible
describes, which includes spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy.