Maybe some people need to honor the values that aren't like their own...

Like, honoring those of us whose values INCLUDE talking freely and openly about sex and sexuality and all of the fun and dirty and loving and spiritual things that come along with it. Sex and sexuality is an integral part of the vast majority of people's (esp. mother's) lives. It's not bad, wrong, dirty or otherwise shameful to let loose sometimes. Cursing and profanity, yes, I totally understand. But sexuality? And the fun and giggles that sometimes come with it? I totally am at a loss there.

ITA. Well said, candiland.

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I'm not picking on you, I swear. This comment just jumped out at me so I wanted to respond... I'm sure there are others here who feel the exact same way. Maybe some people need to honor the values that aren't like their own...

Like, honoring those of us whose values INCLUDE talking freely and openly about sex and sexuality and all of the fun and dirty and loving and spiritual things that come along with it. Sex and sexuality is an integral part of the vast majority of people's (esp. mother's) lives. It's not bad, wrong, dirty or otherwise shameful to let loose sometimes. Cursing and profanity, yes, I totally understand. But sexuality? And the fun and giggles that sometimes come with it? I totally am at a loss there.

I don't have a problem at all with open dialogue about sex, (really I don't ask some of my chat friends, they will tell ya) even silly stuff...it is the crudness with profanity, etc.....and sometimes the overt innuendo that bothers me. I do not have a problem at all with there being somewhere for that to happen, I just don't think TAO is the right place. Hugs!!!!! Now go post on LOTR!

I , too, want to chime in and say that I'd really appreciate a forum that allowed us to talk about sex/sexuality and one that wasn't policed for "innuendo". I would like to laugh, joke and ask serious questions with people that I have cultivated familiarity and trust with- the good folks here at MDC!

I'm definitely very strongly interested in a forum where I can just be myself.
I've had to censor myself so much! And I'd just like to be free to be who I am in my posts, so that others can actually get to know me - not just what I think about politics or breastfeeding or discipline. ME.
That includes sex. That includes profanity. That includes innuendo. That includes flirting.
I've avoided fluff threads because I couldn't post what I wanted without worrying about being censored or banned.
I'd like to post freely. Post from my heart.
Post NATURALLY.

I would love to have an Adults Only forum. Sex is an integral part of a relationship, and one's relationship directly affects their parenting. I see it as a very valuable piece of the whole issue of being a mom. And even directly related to AP - sex in relation to cosleeping, EBF, etc.

And plus, I can talk to my mommy friends IRL about potty training, cloth diapers, etc. But I certainly don't feel comfortable talking with them about some sex questions I have occasionally. An online community like this seems like the perfect place to have such a forum.

And as far as the family friendly designation go, have you seen some of the links provided in the circumcision forum? I think that it is fine to have guidelines about profanity, and to have certain forums be password protected (or some other kind of filter), but to not allow any sort of sexual discussion seems just plain strange.

But I really believe that if MDC is going to be a community that supports women, than discussion of sexuality is an important component.

MommytoMJM, I hear you. I don't mind discussions of a more "adult nature", but sometimes I suppose I'm too much of a stick in the mud/prude/whatever for some of the more recent TAO posts. And I have to admit that sometimes the blatant profanity turns me off to a thread altogether, and I use curses pretty regularly (but mildly).

I'd like to see an adults only forum separate from TAO, but somehow I think TAO would clear out if that happened.

And if it does, it does. The newness of the adult-talk forum would probably clear out the main forum of TAO, but you know what people will trickle back to the main forum when they are tired of talking about heavy adult topics.

The heavier the hand is the more the natives rebel, the last few weeks have been a perfect example.

But then again, I think this is all like spitting in the wind. Good idea at the time...

And I highly doubt that TAO would clear out. I think it would be the break that the mods need actually. I would still be in TAO, got my sister thread there and I don't need to always have innuendo in every post I make. I think it would clear it out enough so that the mods don't have to go insane trying to stay on top of it all.

coffee-drinkingsocial worker in HIV/AIDSlady-lovingbike-ridingmom of two

Well, if it would be that helpful, I guess I would be for it, but my immediate response is, why do we need an adults-only forum? We have been able to discuss issues of sexuality in Parents as Partners as long as I've been on the board, and I think people have benefitted a lot from that. (Except those of us who are too shy to discuss some aspects of our sexuality in a public forum on the internet. )

I also don't get the whole innuendo kerfuffle. I do understand why W&P got shut down, because it seems like a forum where members routinely abuse each other verbally isn't going to foster community. But you would think that flirty posts between members on TAO wouldn't do the same.

Unless maybe some people are feeling left out because they aren't comfortable flirting that way. In which case, you get a clique of cool popular girls and a bunch of moms who feel left out and sad about it.

Well, if it would be that helpful, I guess I would be for it, but my immediate response is, why do we need an adults-only forum? We have been able to discuss issues of sexuality in Parents as Partners as long as I've been on the board, and I think people have benefitted a lot from that. (Except those of us who are too shy to discuss some aspects of our sexuality in a public forum on the internet. )

Wouldn't an adults only forum serve as a place to discuss things other than sex, also? Perhaps a place for venting that may involve cursing? A place for the infamous innuendo to run rampant?

Quote:

I think it would clear it out enough so that the mods don't have to go insane trying to stay on top of it all.

This just makes me wonder why people can't follow MDC's rules so the mods don't have to go insane in the first place. :

Well, if it would be that helpful, I guess I would be for it, but my immediate response is, why do we need an adults-only forum? We have been able to discuss issues of sexuality in Parents as Partners as long as I've been on the board, and I think people have benefitted a lot from that. (Except those of us who are too shy to discuss some aspects of our sexuality in a public forum on the internet. )

Because I do not have a partner, but would still like to dicuss sexuality...

coffee-drinkingsocial worker in HIV/AIDSlady-lovingbike-ridingmom of two

captain optimism
Well, if it would be that helpful, I guess I would be for it, but my immediate response is, why do we need an adults-only forum? We have been able to discuss issues of sexuality in Parents as Partners as long as I've been on the board, and I think people have benefitted a lot from that. (Except those of us who are too shy to discuss some aspects of our sexuality in a public forum on the internet.

not everyone has a SO to discuss sexuality..

and there are many sexuality questions for single mamas and those whose partners may hardly be around... then again i think this question has already been answered here so im jus repeating myself..

I realize we have all types on this board (GLBT) but we also have us plain vanilla conservative hetero sexual ppl and I hope I don't tick anyone off, but it seems to me that everyone elses feelings are being considered EXCEPT those of us who are uncomfortable with such language, innuendo and flirting comments.

On the contrary, only feelings like yours are being considered with the status quo.

i agree with librarymom, it's only the ones who complain (the prudes like bonny) that get what they want i.e. all these rules, so now we're complaining, there's got to be a compromise some where right?

On the contrary, only feelings like yours are being considered with the status quo.

Bingo! The rest of the "prudes" (and I mean that in the nicest possible way, really, I do) aren't posting. They are the silent majority, so to speak.

And ya know what? It's perfectly ok that everyone has different comfort levels. That's why a seperate forum would be a really good solution. Those looking to chat in a different way wouldn't feel censored, and the easily offended could avoid offense simply by staying out of the forum.

and there are many sexuality questions for single mamas and those whose partners may hardly be around... then again i think this question has already been answered here so im jus repeating myself..

ok im tired dont mind me..

How about expanding the definition of Parents As Partners to include these other sexuality issues, or creating a daughter forum for them, or something like that? Because I think that some discussion of sexuality is on topic for this board, but I also respect the need of the mods to keep the community running smoothly. They have done a really good job of keeping the board going and for the most part, not allowing people to attack each other. For the most part! You know what I mean!

Or how about a sexuality forum in general? Or a sexuality sub-forum in single parenting? Or the adult-only thing works for me too. Personally, I don't really get it, but I know that some mama's have a really "earthy" sense of humor, which includes joking around about sex.

I don't have a difficult time with the rules per se, it's just that the rules themselves (a) aren't part of the user agreement (unless that's been changed in the past few days; (b) aren't universally enforced (tons of freaking and farking and ^&*^(&^ on boards other than TAO- and I don't have a huge problem with it, but it does seem disengenuous to be so heavy-handed on TAO and not other places; and (c) what is innuendo? what is profanity? I mean, we all know sexual explicit when we see it, for the most part, and some innuendo is fairly obvious, but then there are also a lot of subtleties. And what about swearing? If farking and freaking are anathema because they take the place of "swear words" (I feel like I am in third grade) what about heck? poop? gosh? darn? Where is the line? Who gets to draw it? It's just really unclear to me, and it's hard to toe the line when you don't know where the line is.

This just makes me wonder why people can't follow MDC's rules so the mods don't have to go insane in the first place. :

Respectfully, Bonny and Mom2AliKat, I think it is because (a) many members of the community want to offer feedback to the mods that we feel the rules are limiting, oppressive, and we are unable to see how they jive with MDC's philosophy. And (b) the rules are sketchy and not uniformly enforced across time, in different forums, and with respect to different users.

I hear you that some mamas are offended by talk of sexuality. I am offended by rightwing politics and anti-gay rhetoric. So I avoid it.

Contains no adult-themed or sexually explicit text, images, or photographs
Does not accept advertising for alcohol, tobacco, gambling, or pornography
Does not promote hate, violence or discrimination in any way
Does not promote any illegal substances or activities
Posts and enforces rules in its chat rooms and forums to prohibit
1. Sexually explicit language
2. Profanity
3. Remarks that disparage or ridicule other people
Links only to sites that share the intent of being family-friendly
Agrees to remove its family-friendly designation, if the site itself or any of its links no longer meet these criteria

And does the criteria still apply if a hidden, non-viewable to the public, private forum contains any of the above? (I'm curious about that myself for another family site I work on, so I'm going to look into that, too, because now it's got me wondering about if the family-friendly label would still apply there, as well. There is a non-explicit personal topic forum i.e. marriage issues, etc., on that site that doesn't even appear in the forum main page, and isn't accessible until members reach 150 posts and have been there 90 days)

ETA: Found the Internet Content Rating Association http://www.icra.org/ which has some interesting rating information and definitions for the various vocab used in the criteria for the various site ratings. Perusing it now...

Wife of 1. Mom of 3. Conquering disability challenges, one achievement at a time.

yes, I was just coming to ask who has certified MDC as "family friendly"? I haven't seen any tags here stating who is doing the certification. Here is a link to one group http://www.safesurf.com/

Note that I think that many of the discussions here would not be deemed family friendly by some groups as it is, we do have a much valued queer parenting board here that many groups would take offense at.

And isn't it ironic that MDC has become a place to meet the status quo of society now with this family friendly thing, when the foundation of the Magazine is activism and thinking outside societies box.