I don't get that much of a kick outta imagining Conan versus other characters.

I quite like imagining Conan just interacting with other characters. Conan versus the Fellowship in a fight would be cool, but wouldn't it be even cooler seeing Conan as the 10th member of the Fellowship? Why have Conan vs Tarzan when Conan and Tarzan could team up, exchanging observations on civilization and savagery? What sort of scrapes would Conan get into in Buck Rogers' 25th Century? Sure, there can be a fight in those interactions, but half the fun of a fight is the circumstances leading up to them.

But any time I watch a movie that features some sort of concrete manifestation of unnatural evil (especially any kind of monster) I inevitably imagine how Conan would battle it.

I apparently can't NOT do this, as I've been half distracted from dozens of films down the years by picturing the Cimmerian wading through a cluster of Humanoids from the Deep armed with only a sturdy dirk, clinging to the back of The Host's dinosaur-beast while wailing on it's skull with a battle axe, and using the Black Dragons to set up an oversize ballista to take down the Cloverfield monster.

I tend to do this, except it's during dull legal dramas or period pieces.

But any time I watch a movie that features some sort of concrete manifestation of unnatural evil (especially any kind of monster) I inevitably imagine how Conan would battle it.

I apparently can't NOT do this, as I've been half distracted from dozens of films down the years by picturing the Cimmerian wading through a cluster of Humanoids from the Deep armed with only a sturdy dirk, clinging to the back of The Host's dinosaur-beast while wailing on it's skull with a battle axe, and using the Black Dragons to set up an oversize ballista to take down the Cloverfield monster.

I tend to do this, except it's during dull legal dramas or period pieces.

Unless the legal drama gets boring then it is all too fun to picture a courtroom Conan.

"So today I was haled into court, and a judge asked me where the lad had gone. I replied that since he was a friend of mine, I could not betray him. Then the court waxed wroth, and the judge talked a great deal about my duty to the state, and society, and other things I did not understand, and bade me tell where my friend had flown. By this time I was becoming wrathful myself, for I had explained my position."But I choked my ire and held my peace, and the judge squalled that I had shown contempt for the court, and that I should be hurled into a dungeon to rot until I betrayed my friend. So then, seeing they were all mad, I drew my sword and cleft the judge's skull; then I cut my way out of the court, and seeing the high constable's stallion tied near by, I rode for the wharfs, where I thought to find a ship bound for foreign parts."

If life is an illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. Queen of the Black Coast 1934 Robert E. Howard

Conan would not be the least bit afraid of Freddie. After some preliminary engagements and some snarky comments from Freddie, Conan would give Freddie a redition of what he's faced. It might go something like this.." By Crom and Mitra I fear you not! I have seen sights that would freeze even your blood, faced wizards and witches, creatures from the Outer Gulfs, beings from the dawn of time, beasts who could swallow men whole,demons who climbed up from the pits of Hell. You count yourself strong because you slay weak-willed civilized people in their sleep? Bah, count yourself strong when you sink the blades of your glove into the iron sinuews of a Cimmerian bull; I killed one with my bare hands. Your mummery would not frighten a newborn Cimmerian babe. Had you sought to enter the dreams of a Cimmerian, it is YOU who would be plagued with nighmares! You are naught more than a burned husk who cannot accept that he is dead." The Conan would knock Freddie across the room.

Conan would not be the least bit afraid of Freddie. After some preliminary engagements and some snarky comments from Freddie, Conan would give Freddie a redition of what he's faced. It might go something like this.." By Crom and Mitra I fear you not! I have seen sights that would freeze even your blood, faced wizards and witches, creatures from the Outer Gulfs, beings from the dawn of time, beasts who could swallow men whole,demons who climbed up from the pits of Hell. You count yourself strong because you slay weak-willed civilized people in their sleep? Bah, count yourself strong when you sink the blades of your glove into the iron sinuews of a Cimmerian bull; I killed one with my bare hands. Your mummery would not frighten a newborn Cimmerian babe. Had you sought to enter the dreams of a Cimmerian, it is YOU who would be plagued with nighmares! You are naught more than a burned husk who cannot accept that he is dead." The Conan would knock Freddie across the room.

I like that.

"Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man...!" - Conan, in "Shadows in Zamboula", by Robert E. Howard"... you speak of Venarium familiarly. Perhaps you were there?""I was," grunted [Conan]. "I was one of the horde that swarmed over the hills. I hadn't yet seen fifteen snows, but already my name was repeated about the council fires." - "Beyond the Black River", by Robert E. Howard

Your mummery would not frighten a newborn Cimmerian babe. Had you sought to enter the dreams of a Cimmerian, it is YOU who would be plagued with nighmares! You are naught more than a burned husk who cannot accept that he is dead."

The aveage civilized man is never fully alive;he is burdened with masses of atrophied tisse and useless matter.Life flickers feebily in him;his senses sre dull and torpid...In devloping his intellect he has sacrificed far more then he realizes."

Hey, Konorg, good to see you again.I'd buy him an ale and hope he forgot our quarrel quickly.

Hey Kortoso it's great to be back.I'd try the buy the ale tactic myself plus find him a wench too!

The aveage civilized man is never fully alive;he is burdened with masses of atrophied tisse and useless matter.Life flickers feebily in him;his senses sre dull and torpid...In devloping his intellect he has sacrificed far more then he realizes."

Your mummery would not frighten a newborn Cimmerian babe. Had you sought to enter the dreams of a Cimmerian, it is YOU who would be plagued with nighmares! You are naught more than a burned husk who cannot accept that he is dead."

Conan would not be the least bit afraid of Freddie. After some preliminary engagements and some snarky comments from Freddie, Conan would give Freddie a redition of what he's faced. It might go something like this.." By Crom and Mitra I fear you not! I have seen sights that would freeze even your blood, faced wizards and witches, creatures from the Outer Gulfs, beings from the dawn of time, beasts who could swallow men whole,demons who climbed up from the pits of Hell. You count yourself strong because you slay weak-willed civilized people in their sleep? Bah, count yourself strong when you sink the blades of your glove into the iron sinuews of a Cimmerian bull; I killed one with my bare hands. Your mummery would not frighten a newborn Cimmerian babe. Had you sought to enter the dreams of a Cimmerian, it is YOU who would be plagued with nighmares! You are naught more than a burned husk who cannot accept that he is dead." The Conan would knock Freddie across the room.

I LOVE IT!!! It is so Howardian:)

The aveage civilized man is never fully alive;he is burdened with masses of atrophied tisse and useless matter.Life flickers feebily in him;his senses sre dull and torpid...In devloping his intellect he has sacrificed far more then he realizes."

The aveage civilized man is never fully alive;he is burdened with masses of atrophied tisse and useless matter.Life flickers feebily in him;his senses sre dull and torpid...In devloping his intellect he has sacrificed far more then he realizes."

My money's on the Cimmerian. He'll have some tough moments at first, and Steve Austin may KO him; but Conan was pretty perceptive, and eventually he's going to catch on that Austin's left arm is nothing special.

What's weird to me is when I see people doing 'Conan vs. "Super-Being". Conan v. Elric is bad enough, at least Elric can be stabbed to death. Someone seriously asked me if Conan could kill Superman. And I was like, "What?"