Monday, May 10, 2010

A brand new day...

I actually slept for six hours last night, I was completely flabbergasted myself. That hasn't happened in quite a while. I don't think it means that I'm done sleeping now. Doubtlessly I'll need a nap today, but it's a good beginning. I hope it means that I'll have more nights like it and maybe even with longer hours. It certainly would be a pleasure. There's nothing like getting more sleep to get your head straightened out. You can't do that on a measly three hours. I will try not to sleep too much during the day and save up my sleep for the night. I want to be good and tired when I go to bed tonight.

I'm trying to be cheerful today and I'm partially succeeding. I have to push away some unpleasant thoughts and concentrate on the moment and not think too far ahead and too much in the past, but if I do that I can almost manage. By the past I mean yesterday. By ahead I mean this afternoon. I really mean I have to live in this moment, although it's kind of hard. I'm slightly stressed, because I'm not sure yet how I'm going to get my groceries. That's an unknown and I'm waiting to hear from the Exfactor who may or may not be having motorcycle problems. If not, he may be able to do them for me. I may have to do them myself and for that I will have to build up a lot of courage. That's going to take me some time.

I also have to do chores, because the domestic help is coming this afternoon. Needless to say. I haven't done much these last few days and I do have to put some things to order. My psychiatrist is calling me at 10 o'clock this morning. I have a lot to discuss with him, especially the effect that the extra anti psychotic is having on me.

Actually, I would like to cancel today or already be at the end of it. It's a little bit too complicated for me. I'm not quite up to the task, which goes to show you that I'm really not okay yet and that I can act cheerful, but that it's a hot air balloon.

So you see, I'm not living in the moment very much.

Actually, nothing much has changed. It's just a different day with different events.

I think I had better get moving. I have to go to the tobacconist. It's something I don't look forward to, but I can take the dog, so I won't be alone.

4 comments:

Then i hope for you that the days flies by.Living in the now is a challenge for me too so i understand !I'm glad you managed to get some sleep though. I love your layout BTW and i know you might change it again but it is quite pleasing to the eye.

Hi Nora. Wonderful to have a good long sleep. You obviously needed it.

I spent a whole 18 months after I initially had a breakdown having to live entirely in the moment. It was frightening at first, but I learnt to do it pretty well and found that it does have its advantages. You learn to focus just on immediate needs and nothing else. It makes life quite simple. AND cuts out any worries about the past or the future which is a huge blessing.

So I hope that you are able to just focus on the next thing and keep today very simple.