Michael Lohan Arrested for Domestic Abuse, Is an Absolute Cad

Lindsay Lohan’s dad, Michael, is just as screwed up as she is– if not more He was arrested this morning on domestic abuse charges Jerk.

-Lucia Peters

No wonder Lindsay is so messed up—with a dad like this (not to mention a mother like Dina!), who needs criminals?

According to ABC, Michael Lohan was arrested early this morning in Tampa, FL on a domestic violence battery charge. Reports of a domestic dispute at an apartment in the 2000 block of Lemans Boulevard came in around 1am; when the police arrived, they found that good ol’ Michael had allegedly punched his girlfriend (who is as yet unnamed), grabbed her by the arm, and smashed her cell phone. What a prince!

It gets even crazier, though: The report filed by the police also stated that Michael threatened to throw the woman off the fourth story balcony. What?! Naturally, during his arrest, Michael did his best to deflect the situation in the only way he knows how: By focusing on something else. He claimed that he was suffering from chest pains, so the cops took him to St. Joseph’s Hospital for treatment. Maybe he thought that if he made the cops take him to the hospital, they’d forget to arrest him? Who knows. Anyway, after he checked himself out, he was promptly arrested and taken to the Orient Road Jail for booking, where he’s currently cooling his heels.

Although the girlfriend is unnamed in ABC’s report, TMZ has stated that law enforcement sources confirmed to them that the woman in question is Kate Major, Michael’s on-again, off-again gal. Think this might be enough to finally get her to call it off for good? We sincerely hope so—as far as we can tell, Michael Lohan has absolutely no redeeming qualities. The fight, by the way, allegedly broke out because Michael told Kate that he wanted a restraining order out of Sarasota County dropped. Presumably, she said no. And gee, isn’t slapping a girl around exactly the way to make her want to say yes? Not so much!

His first court appearance is scheduled for Wednesday, but ABC noted that it could be moved forward. Hands up if you want to see Michael Lohan in court today!