Don't Marry Essay. Why Marriage Has Become a Raw Deal for Men

This writing seeks to educate men about the realities of what he may be getting himself into when he marries. An informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted. The intent is not to dissuade men from marrying, but to encourage them in communicating frankly their concerns and expectations of marriage with their potential spouses. The aim of this writing is to also enlighten women with some of the reasons why increasing numbers of successful eligible unmarried men, who otherwise prefer monogamous long-term relationships, are turning their backs on marriage.

Society automatically paints a stereotype on men who hesitate, delay, or elect not to marry. They are labelled as:a) womanizers who are unable to participate in a long term relationship, orb) Selfish/childish/irresponsible men who can not take care of themselves or another person.No other explanation is ever explored.

The cost of proclaiming your undying love(aka: The tip of the iceberg) Except in professional sports and presidential elections, women are given the same educational and professional career opportunities as men. Also, contrary to feminist propaganda, women do indeed get paid the same salary as men, given they are willing to work the same types of jobs as men, and work as many hours as their male counterpart. Despite this reality, many women come into a marriage with very little assets, and often, are saddled with substantial debt. In general, men are the ones who save and invest. (Don't believe me? Count the number of women of marrying age you know who subscribe to Fortune, Forbes, or Money magazine) A significant number of 20 and 30-something women spend most of their disposable income on luxury rental apartments, upscale restaurants, frequent exotic vacations, leased cars, spa treatments, and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes, etc. Are all women like this? No. Could this be your future wife? Possibly. (Yet ironically, in the media, men are the ones who are portrayed as reckless, irresponsible spendthrifts)

** Disclaimer: For the purposes of this essay, I will be generalizing about the potential circumstances and gender roles that can plague men in today's modern marriage. What is the exception and what it the rule is open to debate. Certainly not all (or perhaps even most?) marriages end up as described. However, the aim is to simply educate men of some of the potential outcomes that exist for today's marriage and divorce.

When marriage enters the picture, double standards and financial imbalances leave responsible men to pick up the slack. (And also fix the mess she may have made). For starters, men are forced (yes, forced) to spend their hard earned savings (or take a loan) on a diamond ring. Women justify this relatively nascent ritual (spawned by a brilliant 1940's mass-brainwashing campaign launched by DeBeers) by insisting a man wants to buy her a diamond. That it makes a man proud to proclaim his love and affection this way. Granted, some men may be this way, but there are plenty who seek a lifelong partnership and commitment, yet have no interest in buying diamonds. What choice do these men have? None! To many young men, the ring/wedding is a unwelcome landmine in their journey towards adult financial stability. To add insult to injury, (a recurring theme in marriage, as you will see), the man is now locked into a lifetime of insurance payments for this grossly overpriced jewelry. (Contrary to popular belief, diamonds are not rare, but their supply has been artificially manipulated) Some men are more concerned with realizing their dream of owning a home, and/or becoming financially stable enough to begin a family. Men worry about these matters, because, ultimately, it becomes their responsibility as well.

This just portends the things to come. Immediately after buying a ring, the man may be rewarded with demands of financing all or part of a lavish wedding.... (Depending on the size of his bank account.) The costs of today's weddings exceed that of a house down payment. (Or in certain parts of the country, the house itself) If a man enters a marriage having saved up a down payment for his dream home, it can suddenly be snatched from right from under him. Many men may object to spending this sum of money on a one-day party. (Or spending a year of their life planning it, when they could use the same time to further their career or education) However, what a man wants is really not of any concern. Non-negotiable. A wedding is no longer for the bride and groom. As today's Bridezilla gleefully reminds you, "This is MY day". (Which ostensibly, gives her carte blanche to become selfish, irresponsible, and childlike) Are all women like this? Not at all. Could this be your future wife? Possibly. A man who balks at spending his entire life savings (or going into debt for) a ring & wedding & exotic 5-star honeymoon can be labeled a selfish cheapskate or not a "real man". (Meanwhile, what exactly constitutes a "real woman"?) In fact, if a woman leaves a man for suggesting they try to keep their costs under control, she would have full support from everyone around her. "She can do better than that"...."Clearly, he doesn't love her"..... etc. This is a sign of good self-esteem, and that she won't settle for anything less. Yet, in the same breath of this sense of entitlement, women proudly proclaim how equal & independent they are. However, can you imagine if a man demanded equal treatment? For example, demanding the woman buy him a boat, and a 2 week bear hunt in Siberia as a condition of marriage? This would be viewed as absurd, yet women do it every day. Marriage is a partnership, right? Please read on, my friend.

The injustices can go from bad to worse when children enter the picture. If the man can afford to carry the entire financial burden, the woman can elect to stop working. (Regardless of how the man may feel about the decision) The day the woman stops working is the day all of her past financial baggage unequivocally gets thrown onto the man's head. If the woman has racked up credit card debts, these are now his payments. If the woman has not bothered to pay off her student loans, these also become the man's responsibility. (Stomach-churning irony = the man is stuck paying for her degree, and she's not even working anymore!!) And can the man object? Can he say, "No, you made your mess, and it should not be my job to clean it up. You knew you wanted kids even before you met me, and you should have planned ahead." No, the payments can't be deferred until she is once again able to continue repaying them herself (Besides, that day may never come) Not if he wants to retain a clean credit rating to get a loan for their dream home. If he even suggested that she return to work to pay off her own debts, he would be chastised as bad father, endangering the welfare of his newborn. So, the responsible husband now compensates for the mother's freewheeling irresponsible past, and pays off all her debts. In yet another sick twist of irony, the husband may be paying off credit cards used to finance vacations and xmas gifts shared with previous boyfriends, etc. Buyer beware! This is the reward for today's man who works hard, makes sacrifices, plans ahead, and invests wisely. Again, this doesn't always happen. But by getting married, the man is certainly susceptible to being railroaded into this situation, because it is completely acceptable within today's accepted gender roles. Are all women like this? No. Could this be your future wife? Possibly.

Marriage can mean career slavery(aka: A good paycheck can mean career slavery)Anyone who says "Slavery is dead" clearly has not contemplated the predicament of many American fathers. Webster's defines slavery as "the state of being under the control of another person." If the husband earns enough to support both of them, he would be hard pressed to make an argument to preserve equality, and have her continue working as he does. If the wife decides to stop working, the men who have been left holding the financial bag find their options limited. They may find themselves stuck in careers they hate, or working for abusive exploitative management, working excessively long hours, working in jobs that are physically threatening, that have no growth potential, enduring prolonged commutes, etc. At this point, considering the corner he's been painted into, he is often powerless to affect any change in his own life. A husband may have been harboring delusions that once the wife was able to return to work, he would gain some flexibility to rectify some of the shortcomings in his own career (For example, changing careers or accepting a lower salary at a different firm, in exchange for better hours, shorter commute, and/or more fulfilling work, etc) But, a distinct reality is that he will continue to shoulder the financial responsibilities alone....A man's reward for working hard and getting ahead is to become trapped into his career, and shoulder the financial burdens of a family alone. Does it pay to work hard anymore?

If she stops working, she may never work again.(aka: Caveat Emptor)There are many debates about the merits of a stay-at-home mother vs. a working mother. My goal here is to simply educate the man on the unseen risks he is taking when he agrees to accept 100% of the financial burden to allow his wife to stay at home. Again, an informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted.

Every parent will agree that staying home with a child is back-breaking (and often mind-numbing) labor. Many new fathers will concede that it is much easier to go to work than to stay at home with several children. However, the greatest imbalance in efforts and contributions to a marriage can manifest once all the children are of school age. The house is now empty from 8am-3pm. The wife has 7 hours to herself, while the kids are at school, and the husband is at work. After a few years of hard work at home, many wives may feel entitled to "kick back." The good husband however, has worked those same years, has done his 50/50 of the housework, and is still working to support the family once the kids are in school. He is rarely afforded the same option to scale back his daytime efforts.

What motivation does the modern wife have to return to work? Very little. For several years now, the man's salary has been enough to live on. (Otherwise, she would have been working) Unless tight finances dictate that she must return to work, the husband really has little say in this matter. The wife can hide behind many different excuses in order not to work, despite having little to do from 7am-3pm:

"I'm busy with the housework"It is easy to exaggerate the labors of daily housework. Yet, how long does it take to throw clothes into the wash, and remove them later? Vacuuming can be done in 1 hour a week. Grocery is another hour per week. A decent meal can be prepared in under an hour. Does all this add up to 7 hours a day? Note: This lie is not as persuasive as it may have been in the past, b/c in an age of later marriage, many men are already experienced in cooking & cleaning, and know what kind of effort it entails. (Note that not every stay-at-home-wife even does all these things.)

"I can't find a job"She has been out of work too long, and therefore is unable to find a job. This may be true, but many men do not consider this risk when they agree to support her while she "temporarily' stops working. (Hopefully, now they will, and can make a more informed decision) Also, many wives may use this as a scapegoat to conveniently not even bother looking for any job. (Below, I describe how this can even be used against the husband in the event of divorce)

"It doesn't pay for me to work"In the shortrun, the expenses of work (gas, lunch, clothes) may not make it worthwhile for her to go back to work. This may be true, but does this justify her playing tennis, while the husband toils away? Many couples may be too shortsighted on this matter. Initially, the cost/benefit numbers may not be ideal, but her returning to work will improve her job skills and network of contacts. (More so than strolling through the local mall every afternoon) Over time, as her career gets back on track, and she becomes qualified for better jobs, her salary should also improve.

It should be duly noted that some working wives view their salary as "personal spending money", and still expect the man to pay all or most of the bills. (What's mine is mine, and what's yours is ours.) Are all women like this? No. Could this be your future wife? Possibly.

Even more unfair double standards that favor wives

Cheating.If a married man cheats, he's the scum of the earth.A selfish jerk who has jeopardized the family unit. However, when the woman cheats, she's conveniently portrayed as the victim. Poor thing. It's for her empowerment, or to help her self-esteem. Worse yet, her cheating can be the man's fault. How? He doesn't compliment her like her new man does. Or he works too much. (Yes, the man who is scrambling to pay the mortgage and cars she may have demanded is now considered negligent. The man who may be working 2 jobs to allow her to be home with her kids is now considered negligent)

When a woman cheats, the first thing people ask is what he did (or didn't do) to drive her into the arms of another man.When a man cheats, no one ever asks the same question.

When a woman cheats, sometimes the reaction can be, "Oh, poor thing, I guess her husband wasn't delivering in the bedroom".However, if a man cheats, no one ever stops to think...."Oh poor fella, his wife was horrible in bed."

Also, if a man happens to leave his wife for a younger woman, it is automatically assumed that he is a shallow sex maniac whose only motivation was to be with a younger woman. If his wife was lazy, or a reckless spendthrift, or verbally or physically abusive, or became grossly overweight, or was an incompetent mother, those realities are totally ignored. Ostensibly, the only reason a man leaves his wife is to be with a younger, more attractive woman. (Never mind if she is a better match for him) Because apparently, that's the only factor that motivates these Neanderthals.

Prenups If a man insists on a prenup, he is selfish and unromantic. However, when is the last time a woman who demanded a prenup was called "unromantic"? On the contrary, if a woman requests a prenup, she is fiscally responsible and looking out for herself. (Note: If your fiancée refuses to sign a prenup, she has just shown her hand...) Why is it that a woman can refuse a prenup, and it's accepted. In reality, the man should be outraged that she is after a legal contract, and not love.

What is astounding is the hypocrisy of the reaction towards prenups. Women can conveniently assert that a man is unromantic if he suggests a prenup. After all, how can a man pollute true love with signing of legal paperwork! However, what is a marriage contract? Women do not seem to balk at signing this legal paperwork, which entitles her to at least half the money a man earns, and obligates him to support her if the event of a breakup. Why aren't men allowed to note how unromantic this contract is? The distraction of bridal magazines, selection of dinner napkins, churches, wedding dresses, receptions, wedding showers, and honeymoons have clouded the legal reality of what men are getting themselves into. Marriage is as much an unromantic legal contract as a prenuptial agreement is.

Ironically, prenups were devised as a way to protect women. Nuptial agreements were popularized in the 19th century, mostly to protect heiresses from marrying men who were "out for their money." Until the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, a woman's property, upon marriage, was transferred to her husband. (Correct, )

"Stupid, Irresponsible" MenMen are severely abused in our media, quite frankly. Just watch TV commercials/sitcoms and see how many reflect men as idiots. (If they had commercials like that about women, people would have a fit.) If it wasn't for their wives they would be lost "animals". Other commercials who make it appear that men act without thinking, impulsively and irrationally, and the wife is the brains of the family, which in reality is not always true. Even many women will agree, women often are the ones who act on emotions, and make judgment solely based on emotional attachments, rather then logic and reason. Almost every "couples budgeting" article will portray the woman as the one who has to rein in the man's childish spending.

Job LossIf a husband loses his job and is having trouble finding work, the wife is justified in threatening to leave him. However, can you imagine the reaction if a husband threatened to leave a wife who was in the exact same position?? He would be crucified! If a man loses his job, the woman is justified in resenting the fact that the financial burden lies on her. However, when is a man allowed to resent this very same predicament? If a man is laid off and cares for the household/kids, while the wife is working, he can be accused of not pulling his weight! Yet this is exactly the same situation that women demand more recognition for!! Either role the man plays, he loses!

Traditional RolesIt's perfectly acceptable for a woman to demand a man make a certain salary, to be deemed "marriage material", and provide stability. Likewise, if a man demands the wife do the cooking/cleaning, he can now be labeled a sexist misogynist. If he asks her to carry her weight financially (just like he does), he can be criticized as an inadequate provider. What exactly deems a woman "marriage material"?

To top it off, some women have gotten so pampered that they not only quit their jobs the day they find out they are pregnant, but they hire as many nannys as their husband can afford. Yes, some wives stay at home, and hire someone else to raise the kids and clean up, while they drink lattes and go shopping all day with other pampered "stay-at-home" mothers. This is not all women, but certainly the odds increase if the man can afford it. Does it pay to work hard and get ahead anymore, if this is how your hard earned money is squandered?

Are all women like this? No. Could this be your future wife? Possibly. The concept of the pampered wife is relatively new. America was primarily an agricultural economy even up into the 1920's. American wives contributed to the well being of the household by helping on the farm. A man needed a wife as an equal partner. It was not until the 1950's that the first generation of American wives began to emerge as dead weight. Perhaps this coincides with the spiking of the divorce rate in America. Perhaps men have become tired of giving so much, while getting so little in exchange.

Divorce(aka: License to Steal)50% of American marriages end in divorce, and 70% of these divorces are initiaited by women. All men should consult an attorney before marrying, and understand the implications of divorce, b/c they may participate in one whether they like it not.

Upon divorce, all assets accumulated during a marriage are subject to division. Even if the woman has not worked in years, and instead, has spent the last few years shopping and lunching from 7am-3pm, she is entitled to half of everything the man worked for during the course of the marriage. Is this fair? How many people would ever accept a job offer that stipulated that in the event of resignation, you would have to return 50% of every dime you were ever paid? No one in his or her right mind. Yet, men unknowingly agree to the exact same insanity when they sign their marriage contract!

"Assets accumulated prior to a marriage are exempt from a divorce." Yes, in theory. However, real life dictates otherwise. If funds from an account are commingled, it can become marital property. If even a dime from an account is spent towards the marriage, it can be considered marital property. Buy your child a lollypop from your own account, and a good lawyer will take 1/2 of it for your ex-wife when you divorce. If a woman moves into a home the man owned prior to the marriage, it is not safe from divorce. If she so much as hangs up a sheet of wallpaper, the home is now classified as marital property, and is subject to equal division. (Worse actually, the man can be ejected from the home) Is this fair?

Note: "equal division" is also somewhat a misnomer. Often, she can get upwards of 70% of assets, while the man gets the majority of the debts!! This, of course, is his reward for working so hard all these years. He can afford it, she can't b/c she was not working.

If you pamper your wife, it can be used against you(aka: No good deed goes unpunished)Imagine yourself giving a homeless man a sandwich. A generous act, indeed. Now imagine your reaction if the homeless man sues you in court! The judge orders you to keep feeding the homeless man sandwiches, indefinitely, because he has become accustomed to your support!! This would be categorically absurd, yet this happens to men in divorce court every day. Instead of thanking you for paying her bills for all those years, you get the reward of legally having to keep paying her bills! Remember folks: No good deed goes unpunished.

After having children, many women demand to quit working and stay home. Before kids, many of these women may have been in careers they hated, working long hours, and enduring long commutes. It is the man's generosity and dedication to his own career that allows her to walk away from her hers. During a marriage, a man with a stay-at-home wife might work himself to the bone in order to support her. He will pay the mortgage, property tax, grocery bill, phone bill, cable bill, and electric bill. He also pays for her car, the gas money, clothes, and vacations.

As a slap in the face, the man can be punished for working hard enough to allow his wife the have the luxury of staying home with the kids. As noted above, after the children are in school, the wife may enjoy a life of leisure that is afforded to her by her man's hard work. In event of divorce, he can be legally obligated to support her for years to come. Because she stopped working and led a life of leisure, the ex-husband is now responsible for supporting her!! History has a tendency of rewriting itself. Originally, a woman may have had a career that she may have hated, and was begging to leave. (In fact, that partially may have been her motivation to have kids in the first place.) But now, in her eyes (or her lawyer's eyes), she "gave up" her career for the man and his kids. His gift now becomes her sacrifice! Or, the story goes that he was threatened by her having her own career, and forced her to quit and stay home with the children. (How many men do you personally know that are upset at having a wife that earns a good living?) Many of these misleading stereotypes still run rampant in our society, and are routinely used to the woman's advantage during a divorce. As a result of her not working, regardless of whether she was minding the home or not, she remains a liability.

Generous, caring men who spoil their wives should certainly think twice about how this generosity can later be used against them. The phrase used in divorce court is "She has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle". A husband's reward for spoiling his wife today is the legal obligation to spoil her indefinitely. Buy her a luxury car today, and you may be obligated to buy her luxury cars after she leaves for you for another man! Yet...imagine a husband that became accustomed to eating a home cooked dinner prepared by his wife. Now imagine the courts obligate the ex-wife to continue cooking for him and his new girlfriend each night, despite being divorced! Inconceivable, but it happens the other way around every day!

The ultimate insult, however, comes when the man loses half of his life's assets even when she has decided to leave him. Yes, a wife can kick a man out of his own home, and have the courts force him to continue paying the bills, while she is sleeping with her new boyfriend in the very house the husband worked to buy! She can spend her alimony check on gifts for her new boyfriend! Are all women like this? No. Does the legal system support a woman who does feel entitled to this? Yes.

The risks are clear, but what exactly are men getting out of marriage? Many times, the reasons men get married are unfounded.

All the "classic" reasons why a man gets married are a myth.(aka: Don't believe the hype)

"I won't die alone"Wrong. The simple fact is, that one spouse WILL die alone. (Unless you both die simultaneously in a car accident.) Your spouse may die 15 years before you. Or you may be on a hospital bed for your last year. Yes, you may get visitors, but they aren't having the same thoughts as you are. You're contemplating your mortality, while they're wondering what pizza toppings the hospital cafeteria offers. Ultimately, we all die alone. Married or not.

Corollary: "I won't grow old alone"Not necessarily. A marriage can self-destruct at any time. Your partner may initiate divorce at age 30, 35, 45, 50, 55, 60, etc. MANY married people end up in the same position (alone) as if they had never married at all. (But they enter their twilight years broke, as a result of being stripped of half of their life's assets, losing half their retirement/pension funds, and/or being assessed alimony payments) Also, experiencing final devastation from one divorce may preclude a man from ever marrying again. ie: He grows old alone (and poor)

Men are led to believe that not marrying implies a destiny of a solitary monk in a cave. However, life is not so black and white. Not marrying does not mean you can't continue to date or have meaningful relationships throughout your life. There are plenty of single people in all age brackets. In fact, a bad marriage can be the loneliest of institutions, b/c most of your emotional outlet and companionship is concentrated into one person. Again, my aim is to educate young men in their 20's and 30's to the alternatives that exist in life. They should be aware that marriage is a choice, and is not the only path life has to offer.. An informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted.

"I'll get regular sex"Not necessarily. There are plenty of "sexless" marriages. Talk to a few married couples that are honest about their relationship. One or both partners may stop wanting sex after kids. Also, it remains to be seen whether sex with 1 partner for 30 years is even a natural act, or just a man-made convention. Marriage is hardly a guarantee of regular sex, as many people are led to believe.

"I'll have someone to cook/clean for me"Not necessarily. While a woman is perfectly justified in quitting her job in the name of staying home with the kids, she can also demand that the husband pay for a cook, a maid, and a nanny. This leaves a man to earn the money, and leaves him to pay for maintenance of household and children. Today's woman is empowered by not performing the traditional housewife duties, regardless of whether she is working or not. If a husband asks that his wife perform traditional household duties b/c she is not working, he can be labeled sexist or controlling, even if he is doing his "traditional role" of paying all the bills. (Besides, this is a stupid reason to get married. If that's what you want, then hire a maid)

"It's the proper religious thing to do"Perhaps, but it is a complete farce to watch couples that haven't gone to church in 10, 15, or 20 years suddenly become church going regulars a few months prior to their marriage in order to gain approval of their church. (And in most cases, they don't step back into a church the day after their wedding) If you are not actively religious, why would you need your personal relationship to be endorsed by corrupt child-molesting, tax-exempt, money-soliciting, war-mongering thieves? (Who you will never see again) Religion today is nothing more than a way to socialize and network with neighbors on Sundays. Not a reason to be married. Of course, the Catholic church only allows you to be married once. So when remarrying, divorced people will get the marriage "annulled". A convenient man-made loophole to circumvent a man-made custom. A complete farce.

"I have to be married to have kids"Really? Her ovaries do not physically need a contract at town hall in order to be fertilized by his sperm. Cro-Magnon man had children long before lawyers invented marriage contracts. Often, you do not need to be married in order to share health benefits. (Due to the gay rights movement) You do not need to be married to designate your partner on a life insurance policy. It's ironic that responsible parents who raise a healthy family, but never actually sign marriage paperwork, get less respect than ineffective/inattentive/incompetent married (or divorced) parents.

Having a lifelong, faithful relationship has nothing to do with being "married".

Owning beautiful dream home together has nothing to do with being "married".

Raising healthy, happy, and successful children has nothing to do with being "married".

All these things have been done by gay couples for years now, without marriage. In fact, with the advent of gay marriage, gay couples have proven that the only tangible consequence of marriage is having a formalized seperation process.

Otherwise, nothing else has changed in their relationship that existed before "marriage".

You do need to be married in order to throw a extravagant 3 hour party, and share the same last name, however.

Besides that, marriage does nothing but introduce lawyers and phoney, crooked religious figures into your life. (People that otherwise have nothing to do with your life or your relationship)

Men need to stop and ask, "Why exactly am I getting married? What exactly does marriage mean to me in today's world?"It is hardly a lifelong committment, b/c it can be reversed overnight.

Marriage was borne as a way for families to merge land/property, so maybe people should view it as just that. The rest of the hype is just bogus modern TV fantasy polluting the minds of today's impressionable youth, and a way to keep the $70 billion-per-year U.S. wedding industry chugging along. Perhaps the only criteria should really be "Am I excited to merge my finances with him/her?" Because, when all the fluff and hype are boiled away, that may be the only remaining reality. (Don't believe me? Spend a day in divorce courts, and you'll see exactly what is real and tangible about marriage. You'll also see women who signed the marriage contract under romantic pretenses who are now expert laymen attorneys who can cite case law. Boquet throwing ex-brides now embroiled in warfare to get everything that's comin' to them!) The rest are myths, lies, bold unsubstantiated promises, and maybes.....For better or worse.

The national divorce rate is 50%. (It's higher in some parts of the country, like CA) However, I ask you, consider of the number of people who are in a bad marriage, but elect to stay. (Men who don't want to lose 50%, ....women who know they can't support themselves alone, etc) Next, think of how many more couples stay together just for the sake of the kids. Of these, "forced marriages, consider how many of these marriages involve infidelity. A shot in the dark, but I estimate the percentage of happy & monogamous marriages to be under 5%. Are these odds you would take in a business venture? Or even a raffle ticket? Most of the risk-averse population would not. Yet they seek this exception to the rule everyday at the altar.

Conclusion

There is no conclusion. The author is just as confused as you are. Brothers, choose wisely ?

Comments (118)

This article is right on the money. It's no wonder fewer and fewer men are getting married.

The fundamental question men need to ask is:&nbsp; "What's in it for me?" Because if the answer is "sex", you're a loser. There's an infinite amount of free (or paid) sex in this world that is far cheaper than marriage.

If the answer is "love", well you don't need marriage for that. Marriage is a legal agreement to be financially bound to a woman, who makes no similar promises in return. Love has *nothing* to do with the legal concept of marriage. If you want love, love each other. What on earth does a contract have to do with that?

Marriage is a terrible deal for men. Only one party is giving something up, The man. He gives up freedom. (And for any woman thinking that she too is giving up 'freedom', then HA HA HA... just 'no'.

<p>I think it's funny that you deem the author a misogynist as a way of deflecting from the fact that he touched a nerve with you.&nbsp; But then, your reaction is typical of women of your ilk, isn't it?</p>

<p>Tracie, There is no real difference between so-called "modern" &amp; "independent" American women and the average lazy hooker. &nbsp;Marriage will not achieve faithfulness by the wife (most studies show that women cover up infidelity better than men are more astute liars). &nbsp;Many of these women are also drunks or drug addicts with very little interest in becoming good mothers to kids. &nbsp;Modern women are selfish bitches. &nbsp;My advice to men is to date and don't extend any courtesy to 90% of the women you meet ... grow some balls and fully ignore them. &nbsp;Let them stew in their own shit. &nbsp;</p>

<p>Another woman who hates the truth and men...and another one we men do not have to look for. So many women are haters like this woman is of men. Whenever a woman hates in this way I wonder if her daddy did a number on her mommy......I think the comment can be labeled an ad hoc attack. Notice how Tracy would never use the same argument on HERSELF.....the hypocracy of women. Next? lol</p>

<p><strong>Yea REALLY....another bitter women making a comment. Isnt it funny how women say they know each other best and MEN also.....always out to dominate. I know I will never marry for I will not search for a rare woman who knows HOW to love for the right reasons. Men...we dont need these bitch@#. They are a cancer and should be eradicated from the gene pool. Glad we made you mad...it shows we are correct AGAIN</strong></p>

<p>Counterpoints to consider:</p><p>As a woman, I had intense pressure from family to become a professional -- my main&nbsp;reason for accruing debt. &nbsp;It isn't socially acceptable anymore for a woman to get married at 18 in the upper eschealons of society. &nbsp;My family ran into financial problems, I had to go through a terrible abusive relationship with a man who was very well off. &nbsp;Suffice it to say, I'm saddled with a lot of debt to become the doctor I am now. &nbsp;So if you hadn't known my story and simply looked at the numbers, I might not look that great on paper but is it fair to judge me as a person because I had bad luck? &nbsp;Because I simply don't have anyone who has the means to bother helping?&nbsp;</p><p>Selfish? &nbsp;I just drained 40k of my savings to help my family save assets. Anyone help me do that? &nbsp;Nope. &nbsp;Asking for help? &nbsp;I could go around screwing guys and seducing them to pay my expenses but I don't. I have integrity. Also, I spend a lot of time learning about saving money through investment companies. Believe me, if you think women don't think about financial planning, you are completly wrong. &nbsp;I saved enough to help my family out of a major predicament financially. &nbsp;</p><p>As a woman doctor, there are a good, selfless women who would love a partnership. But with this kind of attitude, why should I bother either? &nbsp;Well, I guess then the reckless people of society will continue to have children irresponsibly while the more intelligent women are labeled as 'prudes' or won't put out? &nbsp;Why won't I put out? &nbsp;Lets see, being taken advantage by a lazy man who just wants my hard earned money? &nbsp;there is one problem. Do you think that men are the only victims in all of this? &nbsp; How about being constantly hit on by losers who just want a sugar momma? &nbsp;That's about my daily week at work. It always comes out of left field too.. This author obviously has no idea what it is like for a working woman in a failing economy! &nbsp;</p><p>if you think that men are the only ones thinking that life is unfair, believe me, as a woman, we are actually more alike then it may look. Case in point, NO ONE, man or woman, wants to feel used or taken advantage. It's called mutual respect. &nbsp;And yes, I've seen plenty of women ride on the laurels of a man for their shopping sprees and whatnot. Does it irritate me? &nbsp;Sometimes but that doesn't mean I'm going to be self-victimizing and write off the rest of humanity. &nbsp;There is an element of maintaining your personal dignity and I feel better about myself knowing that I am perfectly capable to be comfortable without taking advantage of a man.</p><p>This article really doesn't do anything good for the woman's perspective of a man. &nbsp;I can understand how it may be frustrating but have a little faith. &nbsp;Have faith that there are women, like myself, who don't expect anyone to do a damn thing for them. &nbsp;This article does nothing to help solve solutions about the disconnect. &nbsp;The only thing it does is foster animosity.&nbsp;</p><p>One more point: &nbsp;it seems to me this author has a problem with women who happened to accrue school debt. If you would rather be with a women, who hasn't done anything to further herself in her career or otherwise, that is fine. But what happens if let's say, you get in a car accident and can't take care of your family or kids? &nbsp;Who is going to pull up the slack? &nbsp;Your stay at home Mom with no hopes of landing a decent job or an educated women who is ready for just about anything you throw at her???? &nbsp;</p><p>It's a shame that men these days want a woman to respect them without any of the hard work that comes with it. &nbsp;I guess that is the hand out kind of society we live in isn't it? &nbsp;</p><p>It takes a mature human being to be in a functional partnership. Maybe it's the problem with your expectations for women from GQ and Esquire or simply a lack of moral decency, or an inability to understand what any woman really wants. For this, I feel sorry for these men that simply don't get it. &nbsp;However, educated or not, most women are just about the same as the next. &nbsp;I suggest getting into some therapy to help you figure it out.&nbsp;</p>

If, tomorrow, the deal were reversed, if women were expected to shoulder the burdens and the risks that they demand that men take on, and men could walk and take the house kids car and half the wife's income, and force the wife to work at her max earning capacity until any kids were grown (oh, plus half or more of all assets and, perhaps, alimony) the wedding industry would crater in a heartbeat.

They feel their attractiveness and sexuality entitle them to this or, at least, will get it for them from a dumb, sex-besotted male.

What a crock. Marriage is a dubious deal for men at best; marriage to a spoiled, promiscuous, American woman is like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in the chamber (as half the marriages and in divorce, and of the ones that survive, by my rough estimate about two-thirds are at best humdrum and barely tolerable for the man by the time the tenth anniversary rolls around).

Yes, there are terrific women out there. But single women are angling for a man to pay for their lives, and given that incentive there is a huge temptation to present oneself falsely, and tell a lot of lies and make a lot of promises one has no intention of keeping. And, under the US divorce laws, women are almost never accountable for bad behavior or broken promises.

Awesome article! It's bout time that men were treated equally. I for one, have no plans of getting married. I want someone to be with me b/c they love me, not b/c I have a binding legal contract on them. And alimony!!!??? How antiquated and unfair. That's why so many men nowadays are choosing to stay away from marriage. Yep - lawyers ruined yet another thing. Big surprise.

I think the marriage contract is perfectly reasonable as long as women are expected to look 20, remain perky, thin and sexually open to experimentation so men remain interested.

I'm wondering if you've ever waxed, dyed, or starved yourself into appeal? I suspect that cash leaves your wallet fairly fast at the strip club and if one of those beautiful women went down on you for 10 minutes you'd pay more. If you married an ugly woman who won't put out, just say so and get off your crucifix.

Are you expected to shave or wax 70 percent of your body's hair? Are you expected to have a waist that's 10 inches smaller than your chest/hips? Are you expected to never go gray or get wrinkles? Wear heels for an hour and then let me hear you whine.

The fact is, when you meet the right woman, giving her the commitment of marriage is an honor. And, men put money into the things they care most about. Before finding the right woman, it's usually the television, the car and a decent porn collection. The only time a man decides marriage has become a bum rap is when he's gotten bored with what he's got, distracted by a short skirt at the office or insecure when he realizes he can't be right all the time.

The alternative to a divorce... if a man thinks he's been so victimized, change/cancel his account information and sue her for whatever he thinks he's rightfully entitled to. But, I doubt very seriously that most men have the balls to have both sides aired out in a courtroom. Things are never so black and white - especially if one party or the other is ready for divorce.

<p>My generation knew marriage was a job. I was born in 1930 and my wife of 50 years is a pain in the ass...but, so is everybody if you live with them for 50 years! My wife also does the laundry, keeps the house, makes the appointments and actually runs our home, with pride, and i love her dearly. She raised 6 kids and I worked two jobs to support them all. All decisions about work were made by me. I also had veto power, which I used sparingly and lovingly. that being said, I wouldn't give you two cents for the woman of today. They are harlots before they marry and, from what the young guys at the shop tell me, virgins after they marry. They don't cook, clean, launder clothing or put out! If a man leaves one of these creatures he'll be screwed, blued and tattooed by the courts too! The young man is right. I suggest if you want a good woman today, get an import. We did it in cars for better quality and if you want a quality woman I'm afraid the answer is in globalization! What the hell would anybody want with a modern American woman? They are foul mouthed, unappreciative, whores who run to a man when the chips are down and then don't have the humility to thank him for the rescue. I've worked my whole life and have known and loved one woman. I feel sorry for you young guys.</p>

<p>The world has changed dramtically fro your day.&nbsp; The birth control pill changed society more than anything else since maybe fire, and women have fought for the freedoms it offers without giving up many of the perks they had.&nbsp; Marriage is now a raw deadl for me - my wife of (now) 20 years decided 8 years ago she's had enough sex - when she turned FORTY.&nbsp; (She'd been very active before and during our marriage, and has almost unquestionably way more partners and experience than I do),&nbsp; Guess what?&nbsp; I can't have sex with her - that's rape in Canada - can't have sex with anyone else without putting her, me and the kids through hell.&nbsp; What an @#$% bitch.&nbsp; If I leave I pay for her and the kids intil the last kid is 25 as an indentured servant.&nbsp; She will get the house and furnishings and I will get a basement apartment and near poverty.&nbsp; And women think this is fair, just and don't understand why domestic violence is rising so fast?</p>

<p>Seriously? Shaving hair, wearing uncomfortable shoes and putting on make up can compare to the suffering that men will endure financially and emotionally? How much do time do women spend putting on makeup at best? 1 hour/day? How much time do men spend getting the bread on the table? 6-10 hours/day?</p><p>And most men do expect women to grow old and gray. We just hope it happens late. And those physical stuff is welcome but not necessary for men either. Hourglass shape? Not necessary. I'm guessing that men would enjoy a slim, hourglass shaped girl but most would be satisfied with a girl who keeps herself in shape regardless of the body type.</p><p>The expectations demanded upon men are much heavier than that of women. We are expected to work our butts off in well paying careers regardless of happiness. We are also expected to do 50% of the housechores and take care of the children and to please the spouse. Compared to shaving, putting on makeup, wearing high heels and staying at home with the kids, what men are expected to put up with is by far, more cumbersome.&nbsp;</p><p>The fact is, when a man decides to marry a woman, it is an honor for the woman, not the man. For all the man cares, the woman could probably wither away into spinsterhood. At least that is the way most men will see it after 5+years into their marriage.</p>

You can't just change your account information and pretend it doesn't exist.

The court subpoenas your bank. Money-hungry divorce lawyers try to sniff out every asset possible, and it is nearly impossible to hide assets these days unless you own a very expensive and high-maintenance offshore bank account - the hiding of which requires breaking US tax laws.

And as the article states, I am not attracted to a woman who does all those things you state above. I am attracted to a woman who doesn't spend all her money on superficial things. I would never marry a woman who collects Gucci handbags, dresses in $1000 outfits or spends $300 on manicures, and I'm sure most other guys agree with me. Those girls are only good for sex - not commitment. Unfortunately, they don't know most guys don't want them long-term either - because we don't tell them.

since when are working conditions equal for man and woman ..at the rate we are going it will take another 400 years for conditions to become equal...woman make 70%on the dollar and that is the 30% that they usually get as alimony in a divorce after a long term marriage like 20 years..when she has a baby she automaticly..ruins her body somewhat and therefore loose some of her shelflife ability..lol..that alone should be paid for by man ..or better yet...if a man wants to reproduce he should put 18 years worth of money into a womans account to counteract what she looses in jobs that would require her to put time in like man do RIGHT BONEHEAD..oh and social security not payed in and 401 k not paid in ...and so on and so fort ...it called rent a bitch...awww and adequate baby vacation paid for by the job that is usually ran or owned by man...i could go on ....so dont get married i think woman should have a career fight man for their positions and only have a baby if she can afford one ..alone ...i guess with the man putting an approximate 500000..in her account to she does not loose assets while he rents her body..and a perfect job making exactly as much as a sad ass man ..we could even afford a nice 25 year old after all that ..and you old geezers with your viagra and cialis proned selfs could be happy ..and we woman could be happy with our new found equality....

Sorry to say, but I tolerated most of what this man wrote about. I paid for the ring, the wedding, the house, etc. She complained that I was a workaholic and she decided that working wasn't for her, she wnated to stay home. She though sex was luxuary I didn't deserve except on rare occations. And she on occation accused me of being unfaithful although I was aways faithful. I felt I was enslaved most of my 24+ years of marriage. FYI, my wife passed away 2.5 years ago. When it became obvious that the cancer was not going to abate, she finally understood what had happened in our marriage and tried to reverse many of the "transgressions" mentioned in the article. Alas, there wasn't enough time, money, and focus (because rightly she had to focus on saving her life).

Sorry to say, but I tolerated most of what this man wrote about. I paid for the ring, the wedding, the house, etc. She complained that I was a workaholic and she decided that working wasn't for her, she wnated to stay home. She though sex was luxuary I didn't deserve except on rare occations. And she on occation accused me of being unfaithful although I was aways faithful. I felt I was enslaved most of my 24+ years of marriage. FYI, my wife passed away 2.5 years ago. When it became obvious that the cancer was not going to abate, she finally understood what had happened in our marriage and tried to reverse many of the "transgressions"; mentioned in the article. Alas, there wasn't enough time, money, and focus (because rightly she had to focus on saving her life).

I admire islam for not having this problem. If you look closely, these mullahs have totally prevented this situation.Second, the headline "....raw deal for men", is a raw deal even being single... have you ever seen how high the taxes are for singles? Its daylight robbery. I'm paying upwards of 75% more tax than if I were married. So, we have to decide b/w the fire and the frying pan. Else, leave this country, marry a beautiful muslim girl and convert. If not anything else, Islam has got this most important aspect of life absolutely correct!!

Katrin, that is the biggest crock of shit! Women use the "ruined body" excuse all the time when I see them driving to Taco Bell everyday. My wife lost all of her baby weight in five months and looks fantastic. In fact, someone even called her a MILF the other day while she was out running. This is because she cares about her body and how she looks to me and every other man on the planet. Any lasting relationship takes a lot of work, which most people are not willing to give. Monogamy is a joke, and my wife has even started asking me about what it would be like to have different lovers.

The hiding of assets is much, much easier than everyone thinks. The answers are so obvious everyone overlooks them. First, withdraw all of your money, sell your assets and convert it to cash. Second, buy a safe and ask a friend if you can store it in their basement. Third, keep all of your money in that safe. Fourth, declare bankruptcy and stick her with all of the debt. Fifth, wait until the final divorce decree, go get your money, move to another state and start over with little or no damage.

Sixth - get a sexy little girlfriend in her early twenties and flaunt her in front of ex.

I did these things and my money grubbing, cheating, lying ex never got one dime.

I have to admit, that as a woman, I agree with much of what this guy has written about. I'm a single mom for many years and have seen my ex marry another woman who operates exactly as the "western" woman. As a result I have suffered for her wanting to stay at home and be a fat lazy slob, rather then working as a certified general accountant. She should be the bread winner in that household with her education level. Instead they live off from his low-middle income, because he doesn't have the same earning power as she COULD have. I have never complained and any dollar I get my way towards the care of my very dyslexic child (which isn't a whole lot), I just view it as extra money that I'm not counting on. Thankfully I'm university educated, with a really interesting job, and that I can support myself and my child, including the expensive specialized tutoring she requires for her schooling. The shocking thing is that I know more women like this, too many. Even my poor brother married one, and she also fits the description in this article to a tea. I feel so bad for him, because he is a wonderful guy that would make a great husband for any woman who appreciates him. My dutch upbringing taught me far different values from what I see in the north American marriages. Unfortunately these values are being lost in Europe too. I blame it on the fantasy world of Hollywood, which infiltrates our daily lives, through the infamous television set.

this is a pretty unintelligent essay. it says that a man is unfairly assumed to be a 'spendthrift.' a spendthrift is a GOOD thing. this guy does not know English all that well. As for the diamond ring, it shows men are making an investiment and won't just walk away from wedding planning when the little things come up. since men can have babies and keep their good looks into their 60s, they can string women along for years and then leave them. a ring is a way of treating women fairly for their dedication. i did not demand an expensive ring, and i paid for my own wedding. and if you are a guy and you are marrying a woman who wants expensive things, look for a down-to-earth woman who cares about YOU. and then treat her well rather than looking for something better and younger.

I'm a woman and I have to agree with a lot this man said. Though men do make more in certain occupations and this society tends to privilege men in many ways, there is a huge problem with the allocation of marital property after a divorce. Too many decent men are shouldered with almost the entire financial burden of debts, house payments, and so forth when a marriage ends, regardless of who created those debts or lives in the house. Of course, there are decent women who are left in very bad circumstances after a divorce. It's not reasonable or accurate to say one gender always gets short shrift when a marriage ends or even during a marriage. Both genders can be treated unfairly depending on the state in which they live, their financial situations, and various other factors. Marriage in this country needs to be seriously revised. People should not have to get married to become entitled to government and other "benefits," and single people should be given more of a break for remaining single since they are often without the financial and other supports married people get just for being married. Also, we need to seriously look at why people have children and whether having children really makes any sense, especially on a planet teeming with more than 6.5 billion people. There are many myths about having children in this country. Having children, like getting married, does not guarantee happiness, dying surrounded by loved ones, or having someone to care for us in old age and infirmity. Look at the average nursing home resident and ask yourself if having children really made a difference in that person's life. We all die alone and many of us will end up living alone regardless of whether we've been married or have had children. Single people who do not have children and who are gainfully employed, as one person has already pointed out, shoulder an unfair amount of the nation's tax burdens and are solely responsible for debts and other responsibilities when they become ill and die. This is supposed to be a modern country, well it's time to revise many of this nation's antiquated notions about marriage and family and what it means to remain single.

for as many ridiculous statements this essay makes, it does soothe my guilty conscience in a most favorable way.

In every serious relationship I've experienced with a man, I have been pressured towards marriage as the next step in our relationship. The particular men I have known (all extremely kind, generous and sincere men) all prioritized marriage as a beautiful life-long commitment. Sadly for both of us, I did not.

I've felt terrible about my lack of commitment-ability for years, and in recent years have simply chosen to avoid serious relationships in order to prevent this type of misunderstanding again in the future. I've found, unfortunately, that very few men (particularly once they cross the threshold of "love") share my independent perspective on life. It's always been I who pointed out the pitfalls of marriage -- the eventual boredom, lack of freedom, the pressure of social norms. Despite my convictions, I've always felt that something was "wrong" in the face of a society that promotes and incentivizes marriage as the highest role of the moralistic citizen.

Now, I can look back (and forward) and realize that I am doing these particular men a massive favor by preventing them from going through the hideous "raw end" of a social institution (which you may have guessed I am not so much a fan of myself). Thanks! Seriously, a HUGE weight is being lifted from my shoulders!

In fact, I may begin to pursue deep emotional relationships again soon, with this newfound knowledge, and inform my partners of the life-long favor I'm doing them by *NOT* being interested in their suggestions of marriage.

No, I am just kidding. Unfortunately for my fickle conscience, there's no way I could pretend to take this declaration seriously. The person who wrote this article appears to have about as much sense, sentiment and factual knowledge as my houseplants. And, as for me, I will steer clear of emotionally profound relationships with men until I've come to some greater acceptance of marriage and all that it entails. I've learned time and time again -- you boys take it hard when we women aren't ready to jump on the wagon and sign our lives away.

<p>Who are you to judge marriage and people who have been through it, when you yourself have not, and are going to call everyone else immature for it? You make about as much sense as a typical delusinal americanized woman. You are owed Shit. Keep slutting it up, until you are 50 and realize no one wanted you in the first place.</p>

<p>Seriously Anyman? The best you can do when you don't agree with the above post is to insult that person's sexuality in the fragile hope it would discredit them?</p><p>Pathetic. Personally, I hope she finds someone she can enter into a partnership with; and will be able to find the one who will change her mind about marriage just by being himself.</p>

A long time ago, when two families decided their children should marry, they arranged a dowry. The dowry was money and/or property that accompanied the woman into a marriage. It was a security deposit by the family of the woman.

The money/property was used for the marriage. If the marriage dissolved because the wife was at fault, the man gets to keep the dowry and send his wife back to her family empty handed. If the marriage dissolved because the man was at fault, he was required to refund the dowry to the woman's family, which was difficult, because this was usually already spent. If the man dies, who was the breadwinner, the dowry allowed the widow and children to continue to live for a while.

This created an economic motivation to stay commited to the marriage and established a penalty for breaking the vows.

This article is spot on. I just sent it to my children, one of which is a girl. I wish I would have read something like this 25 years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted 20 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in support and attorneys fees. This is not an attack on women, it is an enlightening of marriage. Not all but some and because of some we need to educate our young people. A few wreck it for the many.

While though hard to admit it is true that men get the short end of the stick in life and in marriagshould the male completely forget about marriage No because it's not as bad as the author of this article made it seem... Yes alot well most of the paper is true but you can't say that about all women. There are still some young women out there who believe in the traditional values of a marriage and believe that they should do the house work and want to keep there independence and work for the things that they buy and pay off the student loans that they collected when working towards a proper education so when they do marry they could bring something to the table and not leave it all up to the man. Contrary to belief some women don't want to be stay at home moms even if the man could work and support the house. Why go to school and work your ass off for a degree to give it up the dumbest thing that I have ever heard of in life.

I agree with the author as I have completed my 7th year of my marriage and for the last six years i have been away from any sort of physical relation with my wife . I hate my life today as i am living for my daughter only.

Marriage woes cross both sides of the fence in today's world, dude.The Donna Reed Mom no longer exists. A lot of women have worked andput hubby through school Most working wives handle 90% of householdduties AND children without batting an eye while hubby gets to playweekend golf, secure that she's home cooking a dinner he didn't have tocook. As far as credit goes, most men don't come to marriage debt free. And,you are wrong about equal pay. You are in LaLa land on this one for sure!.Landmark bill was signed this month of Jan.,2008 that addresses this myth that women are paid equal to men. Check it out! And the shopping and jewelry you mentioned? Those are necessary catch items.... a lion doesn't go after what doesn't look or taste appealing. Look, nobody has ever said marriage was easy, but, if you look at single life, after a lot of years of it, it can feel disconnected from reality; there's a big blank after the party. Anyway.. The love game is a simple biological, hormonal, normal need for a women to secure protection in a male-aggressive world, and a need for men to continue their seed. Yeah,its a natural trap, but, if you chase the right one, it can be alifelong friendship embedded in caring and sharing. Chase the wrong one, it can be hell. What is interesting is that many life-long single, old guys I know have come to regret not getting married and are looking for a wife.. There's something to be said about being loved by someone who has lived through your bull and still wants to grow old with you. Sorry Dude your tale of woe won't wash!

In my day, I felt the same as you when it came to having a marriage or kids -- "Why go to school and work your ass off for a degree to give it up." After watching my parents argue a lot I didn't want to ever get married. Then came along... a man hunk unlike any I'd ever met. He had a gorgeous body, intelligence, and baby blue eyes. He had a steady engineering job but was so interested in life that he took nighttime classes in taxes and real estate, played in a band, and worked with his father's construction company on weekends. Plus, the man was/is a great kisser! We settled into a marriage that had it's share of growing pains for both of us, but after 9 years we finally had our own routine of togetherness. Then, without trying to, I got pregnant and with much debate we decided to have the baby, a girl. You must understand, this decision was monumental for us because for 9 years my husband and I excitedly juggled different careers, traveled, partied, read the morning news in peace over steaming cups of coffee and tea, left the bookstore after 4-5 hours of reading, and went to shows....all the things unmarried, childless couples do and enjoy. Kids? Didn't want them! But my daughter changed everything! I started breastfeeding her and when I looked down into those sweet eyes, touched those tiny hands and feet, I was hooked; my husband as well. I gave up my career to become a stay at home mom and my husband cut his hours and activities just so he could be a part of this new experience. Together we watched this tiny chameleon change our lives. We were there for her first smile; her first word, her first boop; first step, first kiss on the cheek --- all of it! Was it worth my giving up a career - YES! My husband says the same thing and we often talk about this different road she took us on that we initially hadn't wanted to walk since we were doing fine. But, what growth, together! She took swimming; I learned to swim. She took karate; we learned karate so she could practice. She played team basketball; we got books and learned basketball and even coached our own team (2 people who never even watched sports!) She decided to become a vegetarian; we got vegetarian cookbooks and did it with her for 6 months; she's still one) She learned HTML I learned not to be afraid of the computer... and on and on.... I am so glad I got to take that journey with the man I love and call my husband. Now that she's in her mid 20's, on her own and doing fine, we're off on another career adventure; publishing a local newspaper. See, marriage is not just about compromising your lifestyle or income, it is about doing it with the bestest friend you've ever had. Togetherness is the key. Just living out your own dream can be very lonely; a partner you want to be around makes it so much easier and fun. Too many people see marriage as a routine. News Flash! There are always going to be work, bills...and dishes...and a car that needs washing or repair. But that new exhibit at the museum will only be around once; so, grab your honey and go! Or, go rollerskate together (we learned that too!) Growth within the journey....that's what keeps a marriage and a family alive, healthy, and together. If you can see yourself growing and having a lot of fun with that potential partner, then take the plunge. If not, don't!

<p>FML. &nbsp;Yesterday was 23 years for my spouse and I. &nbsp;I've made all of the car payments, all of the house payments. &nbsp;All of the savings and generally most of the bills. &nbsp;For 12 years, he didn't even hold a job. &nbsp;Not calling anyone a jerk or saying anyone is wrong. &nbsp;Maybe marriage isn't such a hot deal for some women either. &nbsp;No honeymoon, a 65$ wedding ring and a courthouse wedding. &nbsp;</p>

Per usual, the above comments that call the author a jerk or bitter are responding with emotional knee-jerk responses that do nothing to refute the article's main points. Marriage is more than an outmoded institution; it's a real education as to how the law works, and the expectations of men who do slip their heads in the noose. Ever notice how expectations and rights of women have changed dramatically over the years, but have remained the same for men? We are still supposed to suck up all the bullshit and turn it into ice cream for the wives. Now that men are getting smarter about what their lives shall become, out comes the usual shaming language that carries not one iota of fact; just made up pseudo-science disguised as scholarship.

Sorry....the slaves are leaving the plantation and there isn't a thing you can do about it.

Yeah guys, sign on the dotted line and the state rears it's ugly head and decrees that everything you own and every dime in your pocket belongs to her. You also inherit her debt. What woman would balk at that deal?Marriage is great for women. She gets everything you have on day one without expending one ounce of effort, energy or sweat to obtain ANY of it. So much for equality. We all know that slightly more than half of all marriages end in divorce. What is kept in the dark is that women initiate 70% of the divorces in this country.....look it up!The odds against men are staggering.......get married and lose your ass. A man has better odds playing Russian Roulette with 3 bullets in the chamber. Marriage is shear lunacy for a man in this day and age. The risks far outweigh the meager benefits.That's why there is a shortage of marriage minded males. They lost it all once before and are determined not to be suckered into another losing proposition.

Marriage will always be a raw deal for men so long as this country remains a male hating, feminist society.The feminist motto of the 70's: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" is adhered to until one of these broads needs something....FROM A MAN!!! Take responsibility for your own life and don't treat men like your personal ATM machines. Buy your own damned dinners and pay your own bills. Women don't need men until they see financial or material gain to be had and men are very tired of this entitlement attitude.

<p>JohnD said: Take responsibility for your own life and don't treat men like your personal ATM machines. <br />Buy your own damned dinners and pay your own bills. <br />Women don't need men until they see financial or material gain to be had and men are very tired of this entitlement attitude.</p><p>I am a Western woman. I have supported myself. I have my own home, my own two cars, my own bank account, and I buy my own dinners and pay my own bills, and I buy food for others who cannot afford it and pay their bills sometimes, and I take the men I am interested in and who are my friends out to dinner. I never ask them for anything I can provide for myself. I value men, I respect men, I love their company, and I want to be with them, (some in particular), rather than need them to use them.I don't collect designer anything, I have only what I need, am not extravagant. and I have two cars only because I inherited one of them. I have no debt. I live responsibly and generously.</p><p>Yet, do you know that I have been called . . . . well, I won't repeat what I have been called, but I have been called horrible names by some and treated with disrespect by some because I don't "need" a man but am able to respect and want him instead of take advantage of him? I have received disrespect because I don't wait for some man to hand over his paycheck to me every week. Some folks are simply misogynists and nothing a woman does will satisfy them.</p>

<p>"I am a Western woman. I have supported myself. I have my own home, my own two cars, my own bank account, and I buy my own dinners and pay my own bills, and I buy food for others who cannot afford it and pay their bills sometimes, and I take the men I am interested in and who are my friends out to dinner. I never ask them for anything I can provide for myself."</p><p>Good for you.&nbsp; Put yourself in for a Nobel Prize in Altruism.</p><p>"Yet, do you know that I have been called . . . . well, I won't repeat what I have been called, but I have been called horrible names by some and treated with disrespect by some because I don't "need" a man but am able to respect and want him instead of take advantage of him? I have received disrespect because I don't wait for some man to hand over his paycheck to me every week. Some folks are simply misogynists and nothing a woman does will satisfy them."</p><p>Hey, sweetheart, you have your radical feminist sisters to thank for all the abuse you're getting, whether or not it's deserved (we have only your word to take for it where that's concerned).&nbsp;&nbsp; They're the ones who've set up the rules of the game.&nbsp; It's just too bad that they've spoiled it for ALL of you.&nbsp; Something else we've observed: Amerikan women scream in righteous indignation when men generalize about them, but they themselves do the same thing as a matter of habit.&nbsp; What's sauce for the gander...</p><p>As for the "I have received disrespect because I don't wait for some man to hand over his paycheck to me every week," I smell alfalfa-laced methane in that statement.&nbsp;&nbsp; I have never heard, and know of no one who ever has heard ANY woman "disrespected" for being independent.&nbsp; Indeed, most men very much respect an "independent" woman; she's either someone who we feel certain lacks (or has no desire to possess) the precious metal (AU) excavation tools that so many Amerikan women today live by, or she's "idependent" enough that she really DOESN'T want or need a man in her life, and is thus one that we can safely relegate to the "friend zone."</p>