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Thursday, November 10, 2016

A Letter to My Sons After Donald Trump's Election

My Dear Ryan, Zachary, & Connor,

I thought a lot about the letter I would write to you after
this election. And this is NOT the letter I thought I would be writing. I
thought I would be writing about how proud I was of our Nation for electing our
first female President and for voting against a bully who represented hate and
for a candidate who sought LOVE for all.

But sadly, that is not the letter I am writing because, that
bully won. Last night Ryan, as we were snuggling before you went to sleep, as
we do every night, you said in a most somber tone, “I just really wanted to see
the first girl become President.” Me too, buddy, me too. And that fact that we
are not celebrating that today and for many years to come is devastating.

My sweet boys, you will hear a lot of negative things said
about Hillary Clinton. I know you’ve already heard many of them. And like I
always told you, she is not perfect. She made mistakes. She did things she
regrets. But she has also been under a microscope for the majority of her adult
life. That means people have watched her every move very, very, closely. And we
all know that if everyone watched my every move as your mom that they would see
me make mistakes every day. Making mistakes does not make us bad. It does not
make us unworthy of leading. They do not disqualify us from holding very
important jobs. It is how we respond to those mistakes that defines us. For the
things Hillary did that truly were mistakes (i.e. having a private e-mail
server, calling a lot of people “deplorable” etc) she apologized and expressed
regret. We believe in forgiving each other. Just as when I make a mistake as
your mom, I always, always say I am sorry, I do my very best to do better, and
I hope with all my heart that you will forgive me. Sadly, too many people
refused to forgive Hillary and instead let her mistakes define her…not as a
sign of her humanity, but as a sign of being unfit for the job. They were
wrong.

There are two major differences between the mistakes Hillary
made and the ones Donald Trump made:

1.Hillary never spoke in hateful ways about large
groups of people. Donald Trump spoke in hateful ways about women, Muslim
people, Jewish people, Black people, Hispanic people, and people with
disabilities. Hate is something that cannot be tolerated. It is something we
must ALWAYS speak out against. And even though Donald Trump will be our
President we must continue to speak out against the hateful rhetoric he spewed
throughout this election.

2.Donald Trump almost never said I’m sorry. The
one time he did he qualified it—his horrible talk about how women can be
treated—by saying it was “locker room talk” and his wife called it “boy talk.”
You three know that we never speak in disrespectful tones about women, and the
fact that the future President of our United States doesn’t know that is
horrifying. But we also understand the importance of a sincere apology. Sadly,
Mr. Trump does not understand that.

I hope that history will look fondly on Hillary Clinton. I believe she was a strong, capable, determined candidate and the morning after she lost the election when she gave her concession speech I was never more convinced of that. She was poised, honest, respectful, and real. She would have
been an amazing leader for our Country. I will never stop believing that and I
will never stop being grateful to her for all she did to advance women’s issues
and to try to teach the world that women truly are just as good as men. She
helped you three to understand that and I am proud that you’ll grow up never
thinking otherwise.

As for the leader we are stuck with? I would be lying if I
didn’t tell you that I’m having a really hard time with the fact that he was
elected. I know you saw my tears many times yesterday. I know you understand
how sad and angry I am that Donald Trump won. I am angry and sad because the
people who voted for him saw and heard the hateful things he did and they voted
for him anyway. And as I’ve always told you, standing up for what is wrong is
one of the most important things we can do as people! And all the people who
voted for him DIDN’T DO THAT! I will not
say, “It will be ok. Our Constitution will hold firm and protect all of us.”
Because unless an awful lot of us stand up and refuse to let hate take over,
then it just might.

But, at the same time, I am soooo relieved that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. This
means that more people actually voted for her than for Donald Trump. And sadly,
because of an out-dated system, she doesn’t get to be our President. But
knowing that the majority of people didn’t vote for her is a relief because it
means we do have a HUGE group of people who will help us fight against hate and
spread kindness.

And spreading kindness is what we are going to work really hard to do. We started yesterday.
We gave out Hershey’s hugs and kisses to strangers; we brought cookies to the
office staff at Ryan’s school; We brought cookies to the Firefighters at the
fire station, and we bought two strangers’ coffee at Starbucks. So, when you
think about the day we learned Donald Trump would be our President I want you
to remember the joy we felt in seeing the smiles and hearing the gratefulness of
the people we spread kindness to yesterday. I want you to remember that warm
feeling bubbling up from somewhere deep within you that said, “This is right.
This is good. This is how we spread love.” I want you to remember the pride we
felt in knowing that instead of wallowing in fear or despair we went out and
did something good.

Donald Trump may not be a good man. But he will NEVER keep
us from being good. And while there is very much work to do to make sure that
the majority of our Country understands what it means to be good and seeks to
act out of goodness every day (and use our privilege of voting for good and not
hate), I am confident that if you, and I, and our friends and family continue
to spread goodness that it will in fact grow and make a difference in this
world.

So, my kind, thoughtful, sensitive boys, the greatest thing
you can do for this world is to embrace that sensitive side of yourselves. Look
deep within yourselves and be proud of the fact that you have cried when
watching a sad movie or when coming upon a dead animal outside. Be proud of the
fact that you love to wear toenail polish (and do so with pride and joy) and
love rainbows and bright colors like hot pink. Be proud of the fact that you
know what it means to be sensitive to the feelings of others and have expressed
sadness yourselves when seeing someone you care about who is sad. These
characteristics may not be the most common among boys in our world, but they
should be. And when more boys are like the three of you, then this world will
be a better, more understanding place and we will one day elect our first female president.

Spread kindness my sweet boys. Show love, be brave, stand up
for what is right. Stand against what is wrong. And always, always, always
choose to be kind. No one, especially Donald Trump, can take that away from
you.

Love always,

Mama

P.S. To clarify, because a lot of people have been making
this an issue in the past day and a half: Speaking out strongly and forcefully
against hatred does not make you a hateful person. Hate is something we must
ALL stand against. Hate wins when we are silent, or worse, when we make excuses
or exceptions for people who are being hateful. So, always choose to be kind.
But also always choose to be loud in your disagreement with those who are being
unkind.