Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.

‘America’s Got Talent’: The acts test their luck in Vegas

The judges, in their giddiness, sent roughly 100 acts to Las Vegas. But! Only 60 of those acts are going to be allowed to move on to the live shows at Radio Music Hall. GRAB A CALCULATOR, math is involved. 100 – 60 = Some 40 acts have to be cut, immediately.

To make the determination as to which acts will see the Rockettes’ stage, the judges have made three different piles:

Straight to Radio City Music Hall

Straight back home

Audition for your life

Except they don’t call it “audition for your life,” because I’m sure So You Think You Can Dance has probably trademarked some variation of that by now.

First, they inform acts 1 & 2 their fates, except The Producers don’t seem to think we need to know who these acts are are because NO NAMES ARE GIVEN. Why? WHY? Why do you make it so hard, Producers, to get to know these acts by name? How hard is it to label these acts? Is it expensive? Did you have to cut post-production costs to be able to afford a fourth judge? Why won’t you tell us who they are?

So, from what I can gather, the acts that are moving on to Radio City Music Hall:

That Catapult Shadow Dance act

Those little girls with the sequins dance act

The guy who makes the Rube Goldberg machines

Those guys who sing “B-double O-T-Y”

That 10-year-old girl, Anna Christine, I think? I’m not sure? BECAUSE THEY WON’T TELL ME.

The Japanese guy who did the animation dance

The escape artist

The Thai dancers

Tummy Talk

Chicago Boyz, I think is their name? The inner city gymnasts? TELL ME THESE PEOPLE’S NAMES

All of the choirs: the military wives choir, the gospel choir, and that more classical choir. All of the choirs.

Both impersonators.

Some acts that are sent home:

Those ballroom dancer kids, who aren’t the children of The Miami All Stars, you know the ones? Yasha & Daniela, I think are their names?

That teenage girl with the pink guitar

The guy who sang the song about college being worthless, Sully, I think?

The African-American cowboy

And then my cable spazzed out, and I missed who else moved on to Radio City and who were sent home, not that it matters much since THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TELLING US WHO THEY ARE. UGH.

So onto that third category, the acts that must AUDITION FOR THEIR LIVES!

DANGER ACTS

David Ferman, 19, Juggler

David spent his bar mitzvah money on a large metal ring, a unicycle and about 30 stun guns. David will juggle three stun guns while riding the unicycle inside the metal ring which is studded with stun guns. So many stun guns! He explains to the judges that he has not actually performed this act before, which I suppose adds a sense of danger, but then it goes off without a hitch. Which, good for David! However, as Howard Stern notes, David doesn’t have much in the way of showmanship.

Brad Byers, 53, Technician

Brad puts a blowtorch out on his tongue and then loops a giant hook through his nasal cavity, which he hooks a wagon onto, which he then drags around while his assistant and Nick ride atop of it. Gross. And it’s not that I don’t like gross acts! I do! But they tend to have more of a cool, sideshow quality to them, and this is more like your gross uncle who is trying to gross you out at Thanksgiving and you’re just like, “Gross.”

Alexandr Magala, 23, Performer

Alexandr here was the fellow who swallowed 9 swords at once and brought out an x-ray machine so we could all see inside of him. This time around, he only swallows one sword, which BIG DEAL, ALEXANDR. But then! He jumps up onto a pole which he swings around for a while before plummeting head-first towards the floor, stopping himself inches before something terrible might happen.

Sam Johnson, 34, Lawn Mower Repairman

Sam’s the guy who did a handstand on a super tall pole, which I was pretty sure was the only thing he was going to do: more handstands, taller poles, perhaps. To prove everyone wrong, Sam comes out to the stage, sets his top hat on fire, douses himself in (supposedly) gasoline, gets on a unicycle on a tightrope and then juggles flaming batons. It lacks a certain eloquence, but the danger factor is undeniable.

“Red Panda,” 44, Entertainer

Red Panda does her super-tall unicycle, balancing bowls act again, but this time drops one of the bowls. Uh-oh.

MUSIC GROUPS

Forte, 23-33, Singers

Apparently, in the time between their audition and Las Vegas week, one of the members of this opera-singing trio decided he didn’t want to do it anymore? because he had stage fright? because it was a dare that went too far? because he had a torrid affair with Howard Stern and couldn’t bear to see him again? who knows, but the point is he dropped out. The remaining guys found a new member online in the opera singer section on etsy.com, and he might be even better than the original.

Brandon & Savannah, 15, 13, Students

The brother-sister duo choose to perform a cover of the Of Monsters & Men song, “Little Talks” instead of one of their original songs. It’s fine.

American Hitmen, 28-34, Former Marines

The rock band performs “House of the Rising Sun.” Personally, I prefer it to their original audition, but I think that’s just because I like the song better. I’m not a very reliable opinion on bar bands is what I’m saying.

KID ACTS

2Unique 10, Students

These two sing/rap “Party in the USA.” I’m still rooting for these two spark plugs, even though the judges seem underwhelmed.

Lil Demon, 11, Student

Lil Demon is a very good lil breakdancer, but what I really loved about him was his enthusiasm backstage, where he congratulated all of his competitors, and was the first to console those who had harder time on stage. Lil Demon is a Lil Angel! (That was terrible, and I am sorry, but he did seem like a really sweet kid.)

Melody Caballero, 10, Student

Melody is a balance artist/contortionist, and I am disappointed NBC didn’t include her audition video, because she’s very impressive. She has a slight slip at one point, but then finishes her act bent over herself, balancing and spinning on a pole that she is gripping in her mouth. COME ON.

D’Angelo & Amanda, Students, 12 & 13

D’Angelo is the son of the leaders of the Miami All Stars dancers, and the brother of fellow contestant Ruby. He and his partner, Amanda, perform a flawless cha cha? I think? I honestly don’t know my ballroom dances as well as I should, but whatever they are doing here, it is great. Really great.

Ruby & Jonas, 9 & 10, Students

Rudy, sister of D’Angelo, performs a tango with her little partner, Jonas, and they are doing so well, until Jonas slips and they fall backwards a bit. But they get back up and keep going like little pros, although while they are talking to the judges, Ruby bursts into tears. Don’t cry, Ruby! You did a great job! Maybe this is too much pressure for a 9-year-old!

COMEDIANS

Jimmy Failla, 36, Cab Driver

Jimmy makes a bunch of unfunny, misogynistic jokes about his wife. While there’s a lot of talk about how the problem is that he rushed his delivery, let’s all be honest here: he’s just not funny.

Eric Schwartz, “Smooth E,” 38, Comedian

Eric makes some hip-hop/Hebrew jokes that are pretty funny, and he seems to have the judges’ attention, but I’ll be surprised if he moves on, frankly.

Taylor Williamson, 26, Comedian

Taylor doesn’t even have to say anything and the judges are dying laughing. He literally stands on stage and tries to get them to stop laughing so that he can start his act. Total shoo-in. Backstage, the other comedians can barely hide their irritation and jealousy.

John Wing, 53, Comedian

John has been in the business for a long time, and it shows — but not in the most positive way. It’s not that he’s not funny — he is — but John’s routine feels like a watered down Lewis Black, and even he seems unconvinced by it. It’s almost like he expects to be rejected and is just waiting for the judges to order him off the stage. That said, the judges seem to like him, and I won’t be surprised if he moves on to the live shows.

DANCE

Archbishop Molly Step Team, 14-18, Students

This is the first we’ve seen of this step team, and they’re good! However, the judges seem to be underwhelmed as they performed the same routine as they did in their auditions. Not that we would know that

Hype, 20-25, Dance Group

This performance to “Bohemian Rhapsody” was very original and fun to watch — but the judges seem to disagree, specifically with Howard Stern complaining that they weren’t as good as they were in their audition.

Art Spark, 15-26, Dance Group

Nope. I don’t think so.
Seriously, if it comes down between these guys and Hype, I don’t think there’s even an argument.

Kid the Wiz, 17, Student

So here’s the thing: Kid the Wiz is a charming kid and his original audition was great fun. However, at the time I had my reservations about the act because it seems rather limited. How many times will audiences watch him throw his hat around before they feel like they’ve seen it all? And that’s why when he drops his hat a bunch of times here, I’m almost relieved. I think the kid’s got talent, but it’s not big stage talent, it’s more like street performer talent.

Dylan Wilson, 17, Student

Dylan, in contrast, is mesmerizing to watch and deserves to go further.

ACROBATS

Tavi & Antonio, 34 & 31, Teachers

The aerial duo doesn’t execute their routine perfectly, and I doubt they will be moving forward.

“Accro” Brandon Rosario, 33, Chef

This pole act is new to me — I don’t think he was featured in the auditions — and it is underwhelming. The pole is short, and he is just not that artistic. Eh.

Duo Resonance, 27, Performers

This contortionist/balance pair are really very good and lovely — there’s a gracefulness to their act that the other acrobats seem to be lacking, perhaps because this is the only acrobatic act that features a woman. In any event, the pair seem disappointed in their performance, not that anyone else noticed.

Timber Brown, 28, Entertainer

If the judges can only choose one acrobatic act, this should be the one. At one point, Timber clings to the pole with one set of toes, extending himself out parallel to the ground, completely defying physics. Even the other acrobats are blown away. I can’t wait to see him perform in the live shows.

KriStef Brothers, 24 26, Acrobats

The KriSteph brothers come out in costumes that seem inspired by 80s hair bands, and proceed to perform an act that is alternately silly and astounding. Some of the balancing they do is genuinely remarkable. However, Howard doesn’t like the humorous spin they put on the routine, and wonders if they are taking it seriously enough. Personally, I think it’s a good idea to add some humor to the act, as it distinguishes them from every other strength act.

FEMALE SINGERS

Deanna DellaCioppa, 39, Dog Rescuer

As her backup music begins, Deanna declares that it is not loud enough, FIX IT, and storms off the stage.

Skilyr Hicks, 14, Student

Poor Skilyr seems overwhelmed and not quite ready for all of this. Her voice breaks a little during the performance, and she bursts into tears when the judges ask her how she did. Skilyr has a lot of depth and soul, not to mention a good voice, but maybe she needs a little time to grow and mature as a performer before she is thrown out onto a national stage.

Selena Mykenize Gordon, 15, Student

Selena, here, in contrast, is more than ready for the big stage, and is my favorite in this category.

Cami Bradley, 25, Music Director

Cami performs “Summertime,” after declaring that she is going to show the judges something different. However, considering she sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” for her original audition, the only thing I see that is different is the addition of the piano. I am underwhelmed.

Deanna DellaCioppa, 39, Dog Rescuer

Deanna returns to the stage and belts out “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts. But the performance is all POWER POWER POWER POWER and as the judges describe, it is exhausting. No thank you, please.

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.