Warning: Satire. It’s been a long, unproductive day. I figured I’d continue in my unproductiveness and make this post.

For what feels like centuries Christians have been trying to put “Christ” back into Christmas, whatever the hell that even means. Although the “war” on Christmas has been grossly one-sided, somehow Christians have missed out on the fact that, while they’re fighting to keep manger scenes on state property, Christ was abandoned from the holiday long ago. What’s left is essentially a secular holiday where people from all religious backgrounds come together to eat food, exchange gifts, and keep each other company. Christmas is also a holiday when Chinese Americans cook exclusively for Jewish people.

What’s left of the holiday is “X”-mas (even though the X in Xmas literally means Christ, but let’s pretend it doesn’t since Christians often forget that it does).

Some have predicted in 1,000 years the word “Christmas” will no longer exist, having long been replaced with “Xmas.” But what if we can change the future? What if we can take the “X” out of Xmas, replacing the letter with its complementary counterpart, its perpendicular friend, “Y.”

Yes, let’s start calling it “Ymas.”

It’s best to be at 0 on the X-axis. High on the Y-axis is where it’s at. In other words, it’s best to be at 0 on the Xmas. Ymas is where it’s at!