"You see the downstroke in 'Roger' and how long that is?" says Dianne Peterson, a Tennessee-based forensic document examiner who recently helped the New York Times figure out what Anthony Weiner's signature says about him. "It goes really long, and he's got a lot of those strokes. People who have those strokes—lengthy, below the baseline—that means they have a huge amount of determination."

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That's clear enough. Peterson also said Ailes is "emotionally objective," meaning he "thinks with his head and not his heart. He doesn't let his heart lead." He's also "not defiant, and probably works seamlessly with others." And "politically, he would be very diplomatic. You can see diplomacy in his handwriting."

That doesn't sound like the Roger Ailes we know! Although, as News Corp. ghoul Michael Wolff recently claimed, Ailes' public profile as a paranoid, rage-possessed maniac tends to obscure the fact that he can be personally "wonderfully charming...amusing, seductive, smart-frankly, an irresistible companion."

We certainly quibble with one trait Peterson has divined from the handwriting sample we provided her: "He's an honest person." Not really.