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May 31, 2011

Strength.

It's hard to believe that I am just 25 days away from getting married. Sometimes it doesn't feel real. I always dreamed about getting married but I can't say that I really believed it would happen. But somewhere along the way I found a good one and my life is forever changed.

So I was thinking the other day of how much I have actually changed. Rob was talking about someone he knew and how that person's life revolved around TV shows and such. And that made me think of how much I was like that. I used to live my life completely in TV and in movies and books. And now I watch Glee and Bones. I still love movies and books, but things are different now.

I was afraid. I was afraid of the world. I didn't see that it had so much to offer. I was just plain scared.

And Rob and I started talking and I was terrified. I was afraid of putting myself out there. I was afraid of getting my heart hurt. But something told me that it was okay. I liked him and I barely knew him. (He is very easy to like). And I put myself out there and we all know how that ended.

But he has helped me. Changed me. And trust me, it's all good. For one, he's made me happier. Happier than I have ever been. But I'm also less afraid because I know that no matter what he's got my back. That if I put myself out there and try something new that he will always be there no matter what. And it's nice to know that there is someone that has your back.

I still get scared sometimes. The world is a little terrifying to me, but somehow it's not as big. I'm more willing to try something new. I try new foods and I want to go to new places. I want to see the world and I want to do it with him. I would have stayed in my comfort zone if it hadn't been for Rob. I wouldn't have left FDI. I wouldn't have gotten a new job that I actually like. I wouldn't have moved out of Independence. I wouldn't be half the person I am now.

I was always strong enough to do it myself, but I guess I just needed a push. I needed someone that would say that they have my back and will stand beside me while I try and do everything. So maybe he just showed me that I had the strength all along and he showed me how to use it.

I know that I have changed and there is nothing about my change that I think is bad. I think it has made me strong and more confident and more comfortable in my own skin. He gave me some of his strength and showed me how to use my own. And for that I love him all the more.