Dr. Doris Pipewailer, Professor of Politics and Cultural Evolution at the University of Duck Hollow, Arkansas has issued a paper documenting her research into the effect of political activeness in college aged women. Pipewailer's research examined the lives of several politically active female students from early in their education, to the present day. Her research shed light on what appears to be a disturbing trend.

"One of the case studies that I followed was very typical of the individuals represented in my study," stated Pipewailer. " This student, I call her "Student A" started her career as an innocent, intelligent, honor student. Some remembered her then as "conservative" and even somewhat "prudish," Pipewailer said.

~ But campus politics was not kind to Student A. Her story, common among Pipewailer's case studies, is characterized by hanging on the wrong kind of men, those that lie, cheat, use drugs and associate with criminals.

Pipewailer recounts "Soon, 'Student A' was involved with criminal activity herself, and her life became filled with turmoil, always staying one step ahead of the law and always one step behind her lying , cheating husband – who was also interested in politics."

A recent photograph of Student A appealing to male voters

"I wish I could say that it all turned out well for Student A but it really hasn't. And that's part of why I wanted to do this research… to point out the dangers awaiting our daughters in the political crucibles in America's institutes of higher learning."

Pipewailer showed me a current photograph of Student A, still grasping for elusive success in politics.

"I consider this photograph proof of my thesis. Here Student A, once a fresh faced girl next door, is obviously inebriated. Her quest for votes has led to an abandonment of all morals and sense of right and wrong. I won't let my daughter see this photograph... and when she goes to college, campus politics will be off limits to her."

Yes, Commissar Pupovich, that doesn't look like any photos I've seen of the Empress in her college years.

It must be the work of the Master of Evil and Chaos, Rush. He's trying to woo voters and Party members back to Her Excellency in order to cause riots at the DNC convention. We know better now that you've given your expert opinion.

Only when the Party says there is Comrade, and for those equal enough to have hope.

Welcome Comrade Tundra Hopper. Welcome to the Cube, you may collect your blunt shovel from the guard and get in the line to the left. You will be washed down in the People's Shower to rid your self of any possible "bugs" and initial capitalist delousement. The bus will take you to the Karl Marx Re-Education Center where for those who survive, will begin to get in touch with their "Inner Comrade."

How To Get In Touch With Your Inner Comrade

Get a firm grip of your proletarian shovel and make several slow,deep and heavy digs, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Dig in peace and love for the common good until you start experiencing the people's pain, suffering, and hatred of the class enemy, its running dogs, and capitalism in general. Keep digging until the need for self-sacrifice overwhelms you. Breathe out selfishness,self-esteem, personal responsibility, and any thoughtcrimes that may have been haunting you. Allow shame, despair, guilt for your very existence, and blind faith in the Party doctrine to spread from the top of your head, all the way down to the tips of your fingers and toes,erasing every curvy line in your brain. This should take about five hours of uninterrupted self-criticism.

Once you feel totally guilty, worthless, and fearful, imagine yourself as a powerful Commissar in charge of purges, disappearances,and composting. Look into the piercing eyes of this Commissar and ask yourself these questions:

If you were a Commissar looking down at this worthless piece of crap with a shovel (you), what would you say to him/her/it?

- Will you be disgusted and feel an urge to squash this human stain for the common good?- Will you denounce him/her/it as Enemy of the People?- Will you want to promote him/her/it to the rank of your assistant in charge of composting Enemies of the People?- Will you reward him/her/it with an extra rationing coupon?- Or will you see something in those eyes that will turn your feet cold with fear and you will fall on your knees and announce the advent of the New Leader, Friend of People, and Father of Nations?

Once you know a clear answer to those questions, your self-criticism session is complete. You have discovered your InnerComrade™.

Ah Tundra Hopper, the old "Getting in Touch with your inner Comrade" list. Hey, Marshal Pupovich knows where to nice gulags are so don't worry, you'll be in good hands. The only problem is though, all gulags treat everyone the same.

On target..er... (ahrrrm... must have Civility™) yes this what our average everyday thoughtcriminals coming into The Wombat Factory™ look like, absolutely disgusting (ahrrrm... must have Civility™) poor brainwashed bourgeois. Full of sick (Civility™ check) archaic bourgeois moral platitudes of purity and grace (Thoughtcrime!) kapitalist brainwashing, then we put them through Culture Shock™.

After these she proles admit to their feeling of Culture Shock™ they're ripe for the picking and will accept all dogma professed in our Womyn's Studies Department's and other glorious misandric and self debasement Social Justice™ agitating techniques.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

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