In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like nerds who get excited about tender offers, no-trade clauses, and transaction wires. It may be the offseason, but not for restricted free agent hounds.

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in …
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Some people (hand raised) don't find the behind-the-scenes business dealings of sports all that interesting. Other people (looking at you Adam Schefter) live for it. The guessing games, the scoops, the misdirections, the performance incentives backloaded into the final three years provided the team options don't automatically trigger after service time limits are redistributed. It's like catnip to them. Delicious second-round draft pick compensated catnip. It's like a fantasy draft, but like ... real.

It's all very confusing and technical. If you can make sense of it all, you're a bigger nerd than I. On the other hand, watching grown men play chess with other people's financial lives does have a certain voyeuristic appeal. Jim Schwartz reportedly went to Kyle Vanden Bosch's house—as if he were an actual human—and begged the defensive end to come play for his team. What is this college? You're not asking him on a date, Jim, you're asking him to hurt people for money. It's best if you don't look them in the eye. (Especially that one.)