My Mother, Myself

With Spirit And Affection, Generations Of South Floridians See Continuity.

May 12, 1996|Text by Staff Writer Kathleen Kernicky

Women's wisdom has been passed down for generations in the DeGraffenreidt family.

Eddie Pearl DeGraffenreidt, 67, taught her two daughters the lesson her mother taught her: "Under God, you can be anything you want to be."

Today, daughter Carol, 36, is a federal prosecutor. Older daughter Fredi Rawls, 41, is a singer working on a master's degree and a mother herself. All three live in Fort Lauderdale.

"Sometimes, when I look at my daughters, I see my mother," Eddie Pearl says of matriarch Henrietta Smith Black, 89, who lives in Jackson, Miss. "I am hedged on both sides: The generation above me and the generation below me."

Carol sees more of her mother in herself - more patience, more diplomacy - as she gets older. She admires her mother's integrity and honesty:

"You're really blessed when you find they're not your adversary, and they are a friend."

Fredi Rawls, "a clone" of her mother, credits Eddie Pearl for making her a better mother. "I fought her for years. I intentionally tried to not be like her," says Fredi, whose son, Corey Alan, is 17. "When I had my son, I realized everything she said was true."Everything she taught me and I watched her do, I took that and modified that for my son."

Eddie Pearl offers this view of her daughters: "Everything I could have wished for them to be, they are just that."

Elaine and Caren Horvitz have always been a team.

"We have kind of an unusual history together," says Caren, 28. "Mom married at 20 and was widowed at 21, and I was her newborn baby. She has always said, `We grew up together.'''

Both married, mother and daughter live a mile apart in Hollywood. They talk every day. Three years ago, they opened the Jewish Matchmaking Co. together. Says Elaine, 49: "At times, we have to keep from looking at each other or we'll both start laughing inappropriately. We know what each other is thinking."

Caren sees herself becoming more like her mother.

"So much so that it's kind of scary. You know how you always say to yourself, `I'm not going to do what my mother did?' And you wind up doing it.

Karen and Erinn Van Pelt have more in common than the tell-tale red hair. "We both enjoy sports," says Karen, 39, of Boca Raton. "We're both organized. Even as a first-grader, Erinn knows where she is supposed to be when, and what she needs to have with her."

"I look like her," adds Erinn, who says she isn't sure yet if she'll grow up to be just like mom. Erinn, 7, who attends St. Paul's School, did inherit her mother's athletic grace. She plays soccer and takes dance lessons. Last December, she won the Annie look-alike contest at Broward Center, and wound up with a small part in the play. Karen sat proudly in the audience.

People stop Lisa and Desiree Danger in the mall and ask if they're sisters.

Mother and daughter fish and snorkle and bowl together. Lisa gets involved in Desiree's school projects. "That's why I had her when I was young," says Lisa, of Fort Lauderdale, a manager at Toys "R" Us. "I wanted to be able to do the fun things with her."

Says Desiree: "A lot of our characteristics are alike, the way we see things. I'm not sure we have the same beliefs but we can usually come to an agreement."

Sometimes, when Debi Bondanella watches her daughter dance onstage, she feels as though she is watching herself.

Debi, 42, of Fort Lauderdale, teaches preschool. Daughter Mary, 20, does picture framing. Mother and daughter share a love for ballet and jazz dance. Both are bubbly. Both sway while they talk. Both have emerald-colored eyes.

Says Debi: "We have the same sense of humor. We talk about everything. We're very open."

Mary admires her mother's strength. "I look up to her for that. She has made me more independent."

This year, Marie Vallee and daughters April, Angela and Amber will spend their first Mother's Day alone.

In past years, the day was shared with the girls' father, Tom Vallee, who took them to the mall to buy their Mother's Day gifts.

On June 8, Tom Vallee died at age 40 after a long struggle with cancer. His illness and death have made mother and daughters closer. "God blessed me with them," says Marie, 44, of Fort Lauderdale. "They're my angels. They have kept me going."

The girls offer this perspective on their mother: April, 14: "She always taught me: `Be kind to your sisters.''' Angela, 13: "She gets up in the morning and she looks after us. Or she's in the kitchen cooking. She's always there for us."

Amber, 10: "My friends yell at their moms. I tell them, tell your mom you love her ... because she's the only one you've got."