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30.1.18

1. Getting Fit

This year, a big goal for me is to finally start to love my body and to transform it into something I feel comfortable and confident in. So, with that in mind, I began throwing myself into a regular workout routine on around the 4th of January, and I've never looked back since.

I'm starting to feel so much better about myself. You see, during the past couple of months, I was really struggling with my weight due to my depression and really bad eating disorder habits, that both had seemed to be triggered by the contraceptive I was taking.

I was in a really dark place, putting on weight by the minute and didn't feel like myself at all anymore.

But now, after getting back into a routine of healthier eating and regular exercise, I can see my body changing and it's great to feel that little more confident than I did a month ago.

As I mentioned, last year I was taking Rigevidon (the pill) and it messed with my head completely.

I came off it at the beginning of this year and, my lordy lord lord, it felt like a weight - a huge black cloud - had been lifted from me. I had basically been feeling like a whole different human being for the past 5 months and within one week of not taking the pill, I felt right back to myself again.

And I'm now taking a new contraceptive, which (so far), seems to be working a lot better for me. It's not (again, so far) changed my mood that much, apart from a bit of moodiness, and it's not effecting my body anywhere near like my old contraceptive was (i.e. my boobs are remaining they're normal size and I'm not like a huge bloated seal anymore - wahoo!)
So yeah, changing my contraceptive has definitely made me happier!

This year got off to a pretty slow start. I felt like nobody wanted to work with me anymore!

However, I think this may have just been a big ol' case of the January blues, because in the past week or so, I've had some really exciting opportunities come my way and it's got me super excited for what is yet to come this year - I'm hoping to make it the best ever!

4. Test Shoots & Modelling

As I'm writing this, I am sat in my bed, not feeling (or looking) very glamorous whatsoever. But, regardless of that, yesterday I did an wonderful test shoot with a fabulous team and I felt as amazing as ever.

We shot such a range of looks and styles, that I think my portfolio will finally have that bit of 'sexiness' in it that I'm always talking about (I'm usually called 'cute' on a 24/7 basis... and I'm not even that cute, trust me.) and that really excites me!

It's got my 'modelling mojo' in full swing and I can't wait to shoot more this year and work more this year too. I hope I can get as much done as last year - if not more!

"Do it for yourself"

5. Amsterdam
Very soon, I am off to Amsterdam!

Me and my boyfriend are off on a little Netherlands adventure and I really can't wait! It's only for a couple of days, but I think it's going to be just the little break that I've been needing for a long long while.

Hopefully I can get some gorgeous shots there too!

Shop the look:

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27.1.18

Winter weather means layers, warmth and comfy outfits; it means that it's harder not to let my style go completely out the window and find myself happily hiding away in a knitted jumper every day; and it also means that my obsession with sassy outerwear comes out in full force, and there's just no stopping it...

You see, when the colder months hit, I'll be trawling every website and every store for the perfect winter coats, because, let's face it, no matter what outfit I'm wearing throughout the months of November - February, it's just going to get covered by some big puffy coat to keep me warm anyway.

I styled it here along with two other gorgeous pieces from Miss Selfridge too: some amazing High Waisted Vinyl Trousers and this lovely little Metallic High Neck Blouse, and I really love all of the colours together in this look - I think the burgundy and the pink contrast so beautifully together!

But, despite this being a bit more of a 'glam' look, you could totally style this coat more casually too with some white mom jeans, white trainers and a turtle neck - or however you like really!

If you want to shop this look, simply find the pieces below:

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25.1.18

Ah, look it's another outfit, which, due to this god damn awful weather, I've had to shoot inside. URGH.

Don't get me wrong, I love indoor shoots sometimes. It's a cool change from street-style shots, and also means I get to be much warmer whilst shooting... however, there are only so many backdrops and white bedroom walls I can use until it begins to feel incredibly boring. *yawn*

And, it's just so annoying because I had sooo many plans for outdoor outfit shooting, yet the constant rain and windy weather has just completely brought that to a holt.

I'm hoping I'll be able to get back outside to shoot some cool and creative images soon, but until then, all I can present you with is, yet another, set of self portraits (get me out of the house please!!)..

This crop top is one of my favourite little things to enter my life for a long time, and it just breaks my heart that it's totally not weather appropriate yet (seriously, bring on summer!), but at least I can totally wear this denim jacket out and about now - I love wearing it as a top, all buttoned up and paired with jeans!

If you want to get your hands on these pieces too, you can shop the look here:

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21.1.18

There are lots of different lessons that I've learnt throughout my (albeit - short and a bit messy) lifetime on this earth. I know that different experiences have influenced my life in different ways, and I've taken little bits of knowledge from each situation I've ever been in.

In my years during Primary/High School, I experienced a lot of different bullying. I was bullied over my appearance, the fact that I was related to my brother (who was picked on excessively too) and just simply for 'not fitting in'. And, honestly, that kind of thing messes with your head for the rest of your life.

Bullying leaves you feeling unworthy, feeling alone, and feeling like every little comment that left you feeling 'worthless' and 'ugly' and 'fat', is completely true.

I have days where I'll replay moments of me being left out of games in Year 6 in my brain, or I'll hear someone calling me a 'weirdo' when I'm feeling down. I'll look in the mirror and remember nasty comments one of the 'popular' girls said about me or I'll remember how hideous I felt in the girl's changing room during PE.

But, in life, we can either let these things destroy us, or we can fight back. We can either let people tear us down into tiny little pieces or we can glue those pieces back together and create something, bigger and better than before. We can decide that we want to prove those people wrong, show them just how incredible we can be, and finally get rid of that 'unworthy' feeling.

"Grow from the dirt they left you in"

So, what I'm saying is: we need to use what they've done to us, and learn from it.

They've left us sitting in the dirt, and now we need to use that dirt to grow and blossom.

When I think back to teenage girls calling me 'fat' or excluding me from things, I just look at myself now, growing in a career that completely revolves around images of myself and the way I look, as well as being accepted in such a wonderful creative industry.

Or, when I think back to feeling inadequate in school, like I'd never be as smart as my brother (who's always been a total genius) I think about how now, my writing is read from people's laptops, from people's phones, and it helps people, it's relatable for people and people enjoy it.
My writing is good.

"Today is better than yesterday"

Life is a total bitch sometimes - especially as we grow up - but as you get older, you realise how much that 'bitchiness' can empower you. You can channel all that hurt into something brilliant.

So, if you're out there, and you're crumbling to pieces, put those god damn pieces back together. Build yourself back up and show people exactly how much fight you have in you.

Even the 'smallest' 'quietest' 'loneliest' people can do brilliant things.