Local judge gives up the gavel

Longtime Bass Lake Town Judge Ambrose MaNaught announced his retirement suddenly on Saturday following a long battle with indecision.

Judge MaNaught, who presided over the powerful Divorce and Traffic Court, leaves behind a docket of cases in limbo and a community in turmoil.

In making his decision, Judge MaNaught breaks a decade-long run of ambivalence.

“Rightly or wrongly, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have had enough,” MaNaught said. “I can no longer straddle the fence in good conscience.”

Among the tens of cases left unresolved are high-profile divorce petitions and insignificant parking meter disputes. Despite unfailing inaction on the part of MaNaught, several of the cases settled of their own accord.

One such case was the marriage dissolution of Bass Lake socialites Prince Marvin Gaye and Jennifer Liebowitz. Their nuptial unease resolved itself after Prince Marvin Gaye Liebowitz renounced his US citizenship and flew to Syria to join Isis. Immediately upon arriving in Raqqa, Liebowitz was beheaded by a fellow recruit.

Before he ran away to wage jihad, Liebowitz released a statement claiming Judge MaNaught’s “inability to perform his job” was driving him “insane.”

MaNaught’s reaction to Liebowitz’s murder was typically indifferent.

“Things tend to work themselves out,” MaNaught said. “Patience is a virtue.”

When asked about his retirement plans, MaNaught said he has “no idea” what he’s going to do.

The job of appointing a temporary replacement falls to Bass Lake Mayor Guy Soundguy, who has not been seen in public since 2006.