Hingis, Martina

September 30, 1980 | Martina Hingis | tennis player

Dear Ms. Hingis,

Congratulations! We here at the International Society of Foreheads have had our eye on your for quite some time. That is one large and shiny forehead you’ve got there, Ms. Hingis. Now that you’ve more or less decided to retire from tennis, we’d like to officially extend an offer of membership to you to join our society! There are many benefits to membership. We have in place a 20% discount at the Hanky Shack for forehead cloths. Additionally, if you put our plaque in the window of your car, you can park in the handicapped spot at the 7-Eleven in Bethesda, Maryland. It’s basically for those quick trips when you just need small things like toilet paper and O’Doul’s.