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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thanksgiving Disasters--Reds to the Rescue!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Okay, Reds, you know we’d do anything for you. If you
lived nearby, I would happily bring you some extra folding chairs, a lemon,
some cinnamon, two eggs, an extra tablecloth, one more white candle...you know,
all the little annoying things that you THINK you have but you’ve forgotten on
Thanksgiving and there’s no way to get them. I’d be there.

But
since you live far away and your sister Reds and I can’t step in to help like
that, I’ve put together (from scouring the internet and my experience) a sort
of Thanksgiving emergency kit for you.

Here’s
why. There was the time, I remember it all too well, when my turkey just
WOULDN’T COOK. It had been in for HOURS, and should have been done. But it was
all pink and yucky in the joints, and the juices were running red. Why why
why? The over was on, the correct temperature, I had timed it for the
correct weight, the pan was the right kind. WHY? I plied the guests with
more appetizers, watched my Brussels sprouts soufflé rise—and FALL—and kept
adding more butter and cream to the mashed potatoes.

DISASTER.
But at least there was champagne. (See below for why.)

The
Thanksgiving meal is fraught with possible such disasters. But here are some
solutions! And then we want to hear from you.

Oh,
no, the soup (or whatever) is too salty!

My
Mom told me that adding a raw cut up potato would absorb the extra salt, but
apparently they know now that doesn’t work. I’ve read that the only real
way to give the salt the correct proportion is to add more of the other
ingredients to the soup; in other words, make more soup. And add more of
everything except salt.

Oh,
no, the turkey is still frozen!

Use
cold water. Put the turkey (still in its wrapper) in the kitchen sink and
cover it with cold tap water. Every half hour, drain the water and refill the
sink. The turkey will thaw at a rate of about 30 minutes per pound. And don’t
forget to remove the giblets after the bird is thawed. (Yup. And that’s why my
turkey took forever to cook. I have NEVER told this story before.)

Oh,
no, which eggs are hard-boiled? Which are too old?

Spin them! The hardboiled ones will spin. And too-old eggs will float in a pan
of water. Good eggs will sink.

Did
I sift this flour, or not?

Experts say, when in doubt, sift.

Yeesh,
the vegetables are overcooked!

Make it a feature! Do a creamed
vegetable soup by combining the mushy vegetables with fresh cream and spices in
a food processor. You could make a casserole with cheese and breadcrumbs on
top. Puree them! Pureed vegetables–add cream and butter and seasonings—are very
chic. IF you have wrecked the carrots or sweet potatoes, whip them together
with raw eggs and pumpkin pie spices and bake. Voila. A souffle.

The
gravy is lumpy!

Mush
it through a sieve. The strainer will retain the chunky bits and leave you with
super-silky gravy.

The
mashed potatoes are glommy!

Spoon
the potatoes into a casserole dish, sprinkle on some grated Parmesan and dot
with butter. Bake, uncovered, at 325 degrees for 20 minutes, or until hot in
the center.

The
cream will not whip!

Put
the whisk and the bowl with the cream in it into the refrigerator for 10
minutes.

The
sauce is burned!

Remove
the pan from the heat immediately. Don't stir. Place the bottom of the pan into
a sink full of cold water to stop the cooking. Don't stir the sauce! Pour the
top 3/4 of it into a new pan, leaving the burned part behind. Taste the sauce.
It might still be okay. Sadly, if you detect any burned flavor, you'll have to
throw it away and start over. Or just forget the sauce.

The
turkey is done too soon!

Take
it out of the oven and wrap it tightly in several layers of aluminum foil. Then
wrap it in a big towel. The trick here is to let the turkey hold its
temperature without letting it cook anymore. (If you have one, put it in a
cooler.) When serving time comes carve and serve.

The
cake won't come out of the pan!

Real
Simple suggests saving your cake by popping the whole thing in a freezer. Let
the cake come to room temperature, then cover it in plastic wrap and freeze it
for 6 hours to a day. Remove it and run a butter knife around the sides. Then
insert two forks at opposite ends and, using them as levers, nudge the cake
upwards. Do this around all sides of the whole cake. Finally, invert your pan
and tap one edge at a 45-degree angle on a board.

There’s
a disgusting layer of fat on the soup/gravy/whatever.

Use
a paper towel to soak it up. It works. Starting with one corner, the paper
towel will just wick up the fat.

It’s
too spicy!

Dairy
can help here: add cream or butter to a too-spicy soup or sauce. Or, top
over-spiced meats with a large dollop of plain Greek yogurt or sour cream, or
even cream cheese! If you don’t want to change your spicy dish, add a mild
ingredient, like cooked rice.

The
cake is gooey in the middle!

Smashed
it up and add whipped cream and fruit. Or chocolate sauce and nuts. Hurray, it’s
pudding! Trifle! Chocolate surprise!

HANK: And adding champagne to
anything will work wonders.

Dearest
Reds, you all must have your own special emergency advice! What can you tell
us?

43 comments:

I always set the table ahead of time so I don't have to deal with it at the last minute.I think you've gotten most of the cooking emergency "fixes." I always have something tucked away in the refrigerator "just in case." Vegetable disaster? Out comes the salad stuff and the prepared-ahead casserole I can quickly heat up. Burned the rolls? I always have some tucked in the freezer for just such an emergency. Mostly, it always goes well, so I'm just thankful.

Love these, Hank. Thanks! I say pour more champagne into the guests and maybe they won't notice the mistakes. And otherwise, remember you're lucky to have food at all. And a roof. And family and friends, so just eat the good parts and don't worry about the mistakes. Happy blessings day to all.

I've only ever had one kinda failure - my biscuits would not fluff, no matter what, they were like hockey pucks. And One year, for some reason, the turkey was pink a the joints. We just put it in back in the oven and baked the pink out. Dinner was a little delayed, but it worked.

Reine has it right-- make two turkeys. Make one of them the day before. My middle sister calls it "the insurance turkey."

I was staying with that sister in NJ and we were about to drive into NYC for the family dinner with a few sides and pies, when our youngest sister called to say the turkey she was roasting at our brother's apartment would not cook. At all. (Yep, it's happened to us, too-- we left it in the oven for about 18 hours before it was finally done!)

My sister in NJ had made a turkey the day before so her kids could have leftovers the next day or so. She packed it up and we arrived in time to save the day. (The only real problem was that the two of us had to haul a huge cooler around the block from where we had found a parking spot.)

A local alternative exists here in Milwaukee if one is planning to eat mid-afternoon instead of at night: most of the grocery stores here are open until around 5:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. At least one of them has a special on rotisserie chickens. Better than nothing.

What do you do when you walk into the empty kitchen and the dog has managed to push a chair up to the counter where you left your pumpkin pies to cool, and is eagerly helping himself? It happened when I was in high school. I think my mother eventually forgave the dog.

ha, ha Hank, gold spray paint! I'm sure I did the scotch tape thing and never said a word to my in-laws.

Deb R, this sounds to me like it calls for pumpkin pie trifle. Cut the dog bite part off, layer the remaining pie and filling with lots of whipped cream--and keep the secret! A tiny bit of doggie saliva won't kill anyone:). We Reds should know!

My best advice, turn the failure into a joke. Share it with the guests - but don't make them eat it. It will become a tradition and someone will bring it up every year, like clockwork. My worst was deciding to smoke the turkey in the grill one year. It was a cold day, temps were edging zero, and only half the bird would cook. You got it, we served the cooked half and peeled back the lid on a canned ham that my boss had given out as Christmas gifts! No one went hungry, but I still hear about the half-cooked bird~

These are so great, Hank. And most have happened to me. I always remove my turkey about half an hour before I need it, cover it in a kitchen towel and leave it. It runs lots of lovely gravy and is easy to carve (and I can turn up the oven to crisp the roast potatoes my family loves)

Hank, you are such a hoot and full of great advice, too. Here's hoping that nobody has a Thanksgiving disaster with which to deal. Edith, you are so right that we all are lucky to have plenty of food to eat, a home in which to eat it, and family and friends with whom to share it.

Oh, one note. You mentioned wrapping the turkey in aluminum foil and a towel to keep it warm. I have long used this method to take hot dishes to other family locations for meals. It works beautifully.

Hank, no, it wasn't. Happened twice and the second time my husband double-checked the ingredients for me. I came to the conclusion that either recipe was bad, or I wasn't good at biscuits. I punted and baked Pepperidge Farm French rolls or Pillsbury frozen buttermilk biscuits. I figure I handmade so many other things, I deserved a break on the bred!

Story from college friends . . . pet iguanas choose their "litter box" location and owners put down cardboard. There's chose the seldom-used dining room table, so he had to be on "iguana lookout" on Thanksgiving to prevent . . . untidiness. OTOH, the iguanas apparently once chase away burglars, so worth some extra vigilance on formal occasions.