It’s pretty hard to believe that in just a couple of days Paul and I are celebrating 3 years of marriage. Did you know that 20% of marriages that will end in divorce will do so before the 5th anniversary? That’s a shocking statistic. Plus, the statistic skyrockets if you get married in your early 20’s (which we did.) We have had all odds fighting against us. And, to be honest, Paul’s and my first few years of marriage were the classic stories of “newlyweds” you so often hear about. I wish I could say we were one of those couples that never fought and the honeymoon phase never phased out… but our honeymoon phase went away week 1 back from the honeymoon. I have literally thrown a remote at Paul, locked him out of the bedroom, and wailed in the bathtub multiple times because there was nowhere else in the apartment to cry at. (Living in a loft our first 6 months of marriage was… testing. God is hilarious.) 😉 In our first three years, we have had the same two or three fights on cycle and it can feel hopeless at times. Will we ever come to healing or a healthy resolution over _______?

(I am writing a whole piece on some of this for those of you who asked me to re-cap the XO Conference!)

Looking back at the last three years, if we didn’t have wise counsel and Jesus at our core, we could have very well been part of that divorce statistic. Just being real- I can see how it could be easy to walk away. I am not saying I ever would, I am just saying I can see why it’s such a high number. It’s hard work marrying someone, and when things get frustrating or you’re having the same fight for the 10th time that week… it’d be so much easier to say you’re out. But that’s when reminding yourself that love is a choice is so imperative. No marriage runs on emotion forever- not one. We all have to daily wake up and say, “I choose you still.”

Anyways, time flies and it sort of scares me, yet I am hopeful and excited about what is to come. Sometimes I do wish we could go back to when I was barely 19 years old and had just met Paul. I was mesmerized by him in a way I had never known before, and I still get butterflies thinking about those first few interactions we ever had with one another. We get asked “our story” a lot, so I thought in the spirit of Valentines Day and wedding anniversary, I would share the quick(ish) version of it and give some nuggets of encouragement.

First off, something fun to know about my own story that points back to Jesus and how real God is:

I literally asked God at a young age to make me sick with every boy I dated who wasn’t my husband until I met the person God wanted me to marry. (I was a very strange child.) And, in true God fashion, he answered my prayer very literally (even when I fought it!). Paul is the only boy I didn’t get sick to my stomach from, and he was my first actual relationship. Up until Paul, I had never been able to hold a relationship for more than a few weeks at a time, because I never liked being tied down and I literally got nauseous and anxious every time “girl friend” was given to me. Yet, I “dated” the same few guys off on all throughout high school. I liked being liked. I am serious… it was very complicated and hurtful. Number one piece of advice I have for people dating: Don’t ever force yourself to date people, no matter how great they are! You’re both going to get hurt in it.

In a culture that says “if you’re not dating, something is wrong with you”, it’s easy to convince yourself that maybe it’ll start to mesh together after a while. But, truth is, if you are having to force yourself at all, then it’s likely not it for you. I often tell myself I hope I run into those few people so I can apologize one day for how terrible I was to them.

Enter Paul

All that to say, it was a Sunday night at the 7 PM service and I made my way with my friend Ryan to our usual spot before service. As we walked up to our seats, there was a long line of boys to which Ryan began to freak out at as he ran up to hug them all. He knew this long line of good looking men who were all roommates (score), and I particularly got a good look at the blonde with the hoodie on over his head who seemed the least interested in meeting me on the end of the row. After service we hadn’t even made it out the door before I started asking Ryan about the Paul guy with the hoodie.

Through a series of events, Paul’s roommates told Ryan that Paul wouldn’t stop talking about me to which Ry spilled the beans I couldn’t stop asking about Paul. This was the start a few week long chase. Every week I went to church knowing I would get to see Paul the hoodie boy, and I would get to say hello to he and his friends. Finally, Paul -sort of- got my number for a Halloween party that didn’t actually happen because I couldn’t even make it. (This is a funny story, too, but I won’t tell it because it is too long.) I asked Paul a month later to go with me to my sorority formal to which he said yes and then TOOK BACK. Yeah, Paul denied going to my formal with me.

We hung out in groups for a couple of months, getting dinner and coffee and hanging out after church as often as possible. We finally went out for coffee in early December to share our stories with one another, and I knew quickly this guy was going to be my husband. I came home and told my roommates I was going to marry Paul. (We weren’t even officially dating!) Finally, in January, Paul asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and didn’t drive home trying to think of ways to break up with him. So, I knew this had to be at least something special.

We broke up at one point, and got back together a couple months later after accidentally attending the same birthday dinner for a mutual friend. (Oops) I ended up being put in the chair next to Paul at dinner (another oops) and heard him talk all about things he was learning from being a counselor at a camp that summer. He basically said word for word every single thing I had prayed for him to grow in after we broke up.

I knew we were supposed to talk about that, and I knew this was still my husband. It had to be.

We met up one night at his house, played Mario Carts and built a couch fort, and I left knowing this was the real deal.

A few months later Paul proposed to me. My life with Paul has been a whirlwind. Far from perfect, but definitely the best experience I could imagine. There are certainly nights the both of us have laid in bed thinking, “My gosh, what did we get ourselves into?” But, there is always the moment we decide to kiss and make up. That’s love. It is never going to be easy, and it will always be a battle, but I believe in marriage very whole heartedly. The last three years I have grown more as a person than ever before, and all done with my hubby by my side. Not necessarily because I was married, but because I had a best friend cheering me on and challenging me. I suppose where I am getting at is the fact so many of us fear marriage anymore, because it could strip our independence, or take away our “freedom”, or maybe we will be that 20% who get divorced before 5 years…. blah blah blah. “I don’t want to marry him until I am established in my career.” Listen, I don’t mean to get harsh or super opinionated, but as someone who got married at 21 with nothing but everything in life to figure out, I can say very confidently that marriage doesn’t strip you of who you are- it pulls out more of you. Just like a best friend can do, it’s the same idea. We don’t put best friends on hold until we have a, b, and c figured out… so why put marriage in that box?

So what’s my advice in picking a spouse? What matters is finding someone who brings out MORE of the truest you. It’s that simple.

Marry someone who cheers you on in everything you’re doing. Someone who says they believe in you, drives with you to take OOTD pics (!!!), who notices your cute outfits but tells you you’re pretty the most when you have on a sweatshirt and no makeup. Someone who will take you to Braums at 9 PM because you desperately need it, and who will grab you lady products, wine, and chocolate without batting an eye. Someone who gives advice and leads you well while also giving you space. A man who sees your strength and grace as a woman who he has the joy of walking through life with (and visa versa). Someone who sees your business idea and says, “Let’s make it happen.” Someone who doesn’t fear your success, and WANTS you to succeed. Marriage doesn’t suck your independence out or lock you into “settled down” jail… a healthy marriage just encourages you more than ever before to flourish into all you’ve dreamed of being.

You don’t have to be married to flourish. Don’t read that wrong. I am saying that if marriage is on your mind, if you’re in a serious relationship but are scared to take that dive… don’t be. If you are with someone who loves you and believes in you, that doesn’t change once the marriage license is signed.

I love y’all BIG. My inbox is always open for questions. If you want to know how we did it, married so young, or what we fight the most about, or how we seek counsel… whatever you want to know, I want to answer to the best of my ability.

I love Valentines Day. It’s a day to be intentionally reminded of my relationship with my husband, of my family and friendships I cherish so deeply, and of my greatest love, God. I love celebrating love, and I am so grateful to know how unconditionally I am loved by the people I hold dearest to me.

Yet,

I also know that, though a day to remind us of great things and eat chocolate without a care in the world, and receive cute Hello Kitty Valentines with lollipops on top, in some stages of life this holiday can be tough to face. Sometimes, the last thing we think we want to be reminded of is love. And, I get it. I don’t even mean just romantic love, but all relationships. Relationships are hard. Valentines Day day can feel sort of like rubbing salt in the already open wound. It can remind us of terrible relationships past, or maybe of the one the got away contrary to what we fought so hard for. Or, perhaps it reminds you of parents that got divorced, and there is the fear of that happening to you, too. Valentines Day can bring up a slew of emotions. But, it would seem that fear overwhelmingly takes a top spot.

Sure, I guess if you think about it, there is a lot to be afraid of in love.

Perhaps this is why God tells us to “guard our hearts” so intently in Proverbs, though, because “it is the wellspring of life.” Meaning that the state of our heart, what we fill it with and believe, will dictate how we view the world around us. It’s the spring from which everything flows. So, we have to view love well and put our hope in the right love in order to love others well. This doesn’t, however, mean to block out all chances of being hurt in love by never letting people in. Or, by falsely protecting our heart in love with other people. Relationships are great, and they certainly are fun, but that isn’t your identity and it’s not your heart’s protection. People are going to let you down. Neither of those scenarios are what “guard your heart” means. Guarding it means reminding it of its worth- the truth that God’s love conquers all and is above all else. Love definitely can be scary, but it’s worth it. It’s risky and you will absolutely end up hurt every now and then. No matter how much I love my husband, I will fail him. I am bent toward sin, I wear my sassy pants way more than I would like, and I can be sharp. I say stupid things I can ask for forgiveness from, but cannot ever take back fully. We are sinful creatures. My husband and I literally fought yesterday morning so loudly I was embarrassed to take Presley out for a walk, because I am certain all of our neighbors must have heard us.

Yeah, love can hurt. Even in a seemingly healthy marriage, love can deeply wound.

But, look at this quote from Four Loves by CS Lewis that actually quite literally changed my life during a break-up with Paul (yes, Paul and I broke up for a couple of months in dating!!):

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.”

If we want to love others or receive love at all, we must open up ourselves to being okay with getting hurt. Otherwise, the only other way to remain without wound is to live in hell, be it hell on Earth or in the life, or should I say death, to come. This is where I got it wrong for so long. I shut people out in response to hurt I had experienced for so long. But, God created us to love lavishly in order to better know him. Anything else is less than what he has in store for you. We are called to community, and into friendships, and into relationships, because every single person can teach us about the character of God. And, consequently, when we get hurt, our relationships remind us there is only one perfect love, and we are called to seek after him above all other loves. See, God’s love will never fail us- unlike our friends, family, or spouses. God’s love is perfect. This is why the Bible says that “perfect love casts out all fear.” No other love can do this. But, when we are in relationship with God, knowing that perfect love personally, then we can love others fearlessly.

Then, especially so on our days we would rather not think about love because of hurt, those are the days to remind yourself of real love. God’s love. It will influence every other relationship you have.

You tracking with me?

We can love others because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 (John likes to talk about love a lot.) We cannot fully love ourselves or others if we do not first recognize how much God loves us. Literally to death- that’s a big deal y’all. You’re deeply loved. Walk in that truth. Be fearless in your love of people. Pursue people wholeheartedly. Reflect the love of God that is fearless and bold, and find your identity in that perfect love. Not in anyone else’s. I can assure you, it’s not as good and that kind of love is only temporary.

So, wherever you find yourself this Valentines Day, whether in a new budding relationship, a solid foundation, or in solitude for the first time in a long time… whatever your situation, remind yourself of love that casts out all fear and let that dictate your other loves.

Know your worth.

xoxo- Han

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah****

This dress is the most perfect LBD I have ever owned. I am in a small in these photos (I am 5’2 and a size 0) I was nervous that because it wasn’t specifically a petite fit that it would swallow me. BUT, as you can see, it didn’t! I am obsessed with dress and just thinking of anything I can wear it to- like my upcoming Valentines Day date or anniversary dinner! xoxo

Have you ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? Essentially, this test and book narrows you down to a “love language”, meaning how you best receive love communicated to you from people closest to you. You can have a couple, but it’s pretty fascinating how accurate it is. The five are quality time, touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation.

My love languages are unashamedly gifts and words of affirmation. When my hubby walks through the door with surprise flowers or something special he picked out for me, I am over the moon. This doesn’t mean that if he does an act of service for me I feel UNloved, in fact when he takes my car to get gas or change my oil without me knowing, I feel well-taken care of. I just feel most moved in love by gifts or words that empower me. It’s important to know your significant other’s love language, because it means appreciating them for who they are and in a way that they will receive it fully. You tracking with me? I could love Paul by getting him new Nikes once a month (which, trust, he would be thrilled about), but Paul’s love language is by far quality time and words of affirmation. Eventually, getting him new Nikes every month would run dry because gifts aren’t how he receives love.

Paul is happiest when we are together at the end of the work day with no cell phones, talking or playing board games. He also beams the most when I remind him of who he is, how he leads us, and how proud of him I am. He certainly doesn’t need this from me, he is very self sufficient and not in the slightest needy. But, he feels most confident and empowered by me specifically when I speak truth and life into him.

Paul is really good at speaking words to me. When we were dating, he wrote me letters all the time. He would leave me sweet notes in my binder or my car. I have a box of them saved. All of them torn out of a moleskin mostly, and I love them so much. Our Christmas date this year, he drove me around to different spots around the city, and he gave me a new card at each one speaking life into me. There is something so special about reading words from someone you love. Words are everything.

In the spirit of both mine and Paul’s love language of words of affirmation, this Valentines Day I have teamed up with Thimblepress to encourage you to write letters to the people you love most this holiday. Remind the people in your life what they mean to you, empower them and speak truth into them. It is so cool to see someone you love’s response when you tell them something they’re good at. There is nothing quite like receiving a good old fashioned letter in the mail. You know what I mean?

Thimblepress has TONS of Valentines Day cards perfect to send out to those special someones and best friends. Plus, they make fantastic decorations for the season. I have them laid out all over our big island, and I found this cute little mailbox at Target for $1. Thimblepress also has the CUTEST confetti poppers, like this amazing floral popper, that are a fun addition to any gift you might want to give to your gal pals.

Happy Valentines Day, lovies. I hope you always remember how loved you are.

It’s the month of love, and I am so excited about it. I also just happened to have my 100th (official) class with Pure Barre, so today I am celebrating both!

If I had to narrow it down to one lesson that trumps all others from my time taking Pure Barre classes, it would be the importance of taking time out of every single day for myself.

It almost feels icky, even selfish to say that. But prioritizing time for yourself dictates how well you can love others. Pure Barre allows that for me, and challenges me all the while. It has pushed me, shown me new strength I didn’t know I was even capable of, and has given me a whole new sense of self and confidence in the body I have been given. Pure Barre has taught me to love myself well, keeping me healthy & fighting for new goals. (250 is next for me!) I cannot say enough how much I love Pure Barre, and all that it does for me both emotionally and physically. No matter what I feel like that day, no matter what I have been through, I know that I get to walk into Pure Barre and leave my troubles behind for at least just one hour. I get to rewire and focus my mind on accomplishing my workout. For just that hour, that’s my only worry in the world. I also happen to come up with my best new ideas while at Pure Barre- it’s sort of my dreaming hub.

I asked my teachers at Pure Barre to share how they have learned to love themselves better, and what role Pure Barre plays in that. These women are fierce, confident, goal driven, and absolutely gorgeous inside-out. You will see just how much Pure Barre empowers us to believe in ourselves more.

“Take every chance. Drop every fear. Your body is capable of so many amazing things! If you never try, you’ll never know what you can accomplish.” – Amanda Kovach

“The day will be what you make it, so rise like the sun, and burn.Pure Barre is my outlet. It motivates and energizes me. It provides a mental clarity that allows me to wake up every morning knowing I’m in control of the day’s outcomes, and that it’s my mission to wake up and solve problems. Pure Barre inspires me to rise like the sun and burn… literally.” -Loren Eisenlohr

“Pure Barre not only challenges your physical strength, but also your mental strength. Build yourself up each class, let go of the negative self-talk, and by the end you feel accomplished and strong.” –Lisa Ford

“‘She believed she could, so she did’ is my daily mantra. This quote embodies everything I want to be as a woman. If we believe it, we can achieve it, whether it be a Pure Barre pose, a new position at work, or any other challenges that come our way!” –Brittany Cooper

“Outward change only comes after we change from within. I started Pure Barre like many women do, just wanting to lose weight. But after a few classes, I got something much better. I learned to respect my body and what it can do. Pure Barre showed me I could hold a 90-second plank and I could hold those 2-pound weights all the way through weight work. I simply needed focus and encouragement, both of which I found at the barre. Every time I attend class I renew that commitment to my body. I am so much stronger than I think!”-Naomi D’Addario

“Embrace and love your body. It’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever own. I’ve learned just how strong and beautiful my body is after having my kids. It may not be perfect but it’s mine and it’s strong! Pure Barre helps me find new ways to challenge myself and achieve goals I set each class. Having a lifted ledge just happens to be a great perk!” -Krystal Middleton

“In those moments where my body shakes the most or the burn gets incredibly intense, I remind myself that it is short-term discomfort for long-term results.Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Pure Barre is tough, but it WORKS! I also love Pure Barre because not only does it challenge your physical strength, it challenges your mental strength. If you can commit to doing something good for your body for just 55 minutes (and giving it your best effort), you are sure to walk out of the studio a stronger, healthier, more confident woman and an amazing role model for others!” -Molly Mitchell

“Pure Barre helped me appreciate my strength and face the challenge of natural childbirth with confidence. Women’s bodies are so incredible, and Pure Barre helps me recognize and celebrate that! I fell in love with Pure Barre from the very first tuck – the incredible challenge, the motivating music, and the personal attention received from the instructors. It became even more meaningful for me as I continued teaching and taking classes throughout pregnancy- I was at the barre 3 days before my son was born!” -Nora Davis

“In just 55 minutes, I can escape, release stress, and focus on myself. Yes, your body and mind will be challenged, but like we say, “You’re stronger than you think,” and it’s true. You always leave stronger than when you arrived. It’s about fighting through the shake and the burn. There’s nothing quite like it!” -Haley Hutchinson

“Pure Barre has so much value that extends far beyond the barre. I’ve developed many friendships and learned how strong and amazing our bodies can be. I’m forever grateful for my Pure Barre tribe! Find your tribe and love them hard.” -Savannah Boarman

“Wherever you are, be all there- this is something I try to focus on each day, but especially at Pure Barre. Whether I’m teaching or taking class, Pure Barre has the ability to let me shut out the noise of the world and focus on my strength. The mind-body connection is so empowering and truly tests our emotional, mental, and physical strength. For 55 minutes, it’s all about focusing on you.” –Jennifer Thorndike

“Connect with your passion. Live with Purpose. Make a difference. Whether it be teaching or taking class, volunteering in the community, being a mom, friend or wife, this is something I focus on daily. I start each day with gratitude living out my passion for fitness & motherhood. I try my hardest to make a difference each day and, most of all, make every moment full of purpose.” –Melissa Vitek

“Whether I’m teaching class or just going about my day, I try to remember how important the little, simple things are and how they can make an impact. Living a healthy lifestyle is sometimes challenging, but I always remind myself that with small but significant changes, over time I can reach my goals. The small, isometric movements at Pure Barre are able to make a significant difference in your body if you have the dedication and willpower to stick with it. Make a simple decision to make a significant change in your body and life! For all things in life, make it simple, yet significant.” –Brandie Scales

Hope you loved reading through these women’s encouraging words as much as I did. When do I get to see YOU at the barre with me? Happy February, beauties. Remember to love yourself by believing in yourself, taking care of yourself, and having confidence in who you are.

xoxo- Han

This tank top is from Scarlet & Gold, and is very fitting for how you’ll feel after a class at the barre. Shop the rest of my look below.

Here’s the deal- I love love. I love being in love, I love celebrating people I love, and I super love date nights. Rather fitting, February is the month of our wedding anniversary AND it’s Valentines Day… so we get in some great dates and special moments together this upcoming month. Paul is really good at dates and planning special nights for us, and I can hardly wait to see what he has up his sleeve this year.

Regardless of the month or situation, dates are so important to us year round, no matter how extravagant (or not so extravagant).

We do a date night every single week. It’s top priority, because we know how quickly we can become disconnected if we don’t keep up with them. More often than not lately, we have been doing date nights in. Budget life is the cool life, can I get an amen? But in all seriousness, I love date night in. I like knowing we are being wise with our money, and I like being creative. I used to get ashamed and frustrated from social media when I would see couples going out on these expensive dinner dates every Friday night, and we weren’t able to. (Just being real.) But, I genuinely am thankful for what we have, and am more aware than ever before of just how much we have. I am thankful for time, which we haven’t always had, and I am thankful for a growing wisdom with our money. Our date nights in usually consist of some kind of pasta, or homemade pizzas, a movie (likely to be You’ve Got Mail or How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days), board games, and wine.

The key to making date night at home feel special, differentiating from all the other nights of the week we are together and eat at home, is being intentional with no phones and the conversations we have. Most week nights we are so tired from the day that we lounge on the sofa together, ask each other a few questions over dinner before watching one of our favorite shows together, and then barely stumbling to bed- which is honestly, like 9 PM. Date night is different on purpose.

This super cute cookbook, aptly called “Date Night In”, is perfect for different meals and drink ideas to make at home. I currently have a few date night treats I want to give a shot dog eared. From tasty desserts like bittersweet brownies with salted peanut butter frosting to apple cider toddies…Yum yum!

Here’s the most important part of this- whether you go out for date night or are doing a date night in- constantly pursuing and dating your spouse is the most important piece of a healthy marriage. When we were first married, Paul and I got into a rhythm of believing “if we don’t have money, then dates just aren’t part of this season right now.” That is SO what satan wants. He wants you to believe money has a role in your marriage when it doesn’t at all. That’s why I love the concept of this cookbook so much! It’s written by a wife who loved her marriage enough to realize they needed to reestablish intentionality. Time and circumstances made it hard to connect on a weekly basis as they got deeper into their marriage, had more kids, and (naturally) less money because of said kids. So despite what their pocketbook told them, they decided to make date nights happen again like when they were dating from the comfort of their own kitchen. It is their “journey [of] figuring out how to continue to grow in love with each other while mixing and dicing.” Each Date Night is packed full of recipes and accompanied with a well-written story about the author and her husband in their experience with the exact same recipes. You’ll laugh, you’ll smile, and you’ll connect with their real stories of the good, the bad, the frustrating, and funny.

Love is a choice- you don’t fall out of love, you stop picking that person above all else. You get bored, you start day dreaming about “what if.” Don’t let this be your story.

Hey, I am Hannah!

Hey y'all, I’m Hannah Morrison. This is my lifestyle blog and online store, The Cake Shop. Above all else, I hope to encourage you to spread kindness like buttercream frosting- generously and without reserve.