9/25/2007

Ten Other Things That Surprise Bill O'Reilly About Black People:Thus spake O'Reilly: "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship. It was the same, and that's really what this society's all about now here in the U.S.A. There's no difference." So, in honor of Bill O'Reilly's approval that black people act like white people:

1. Black women also don't like when their bosses call in the middle of the night to tell them how nice it'd be to rub their big boobs with a falafel.

2. When you berate them on national radio or television, black men also get upset.

3. Black mothers also don't like it when their children are killed in useless wars.

4. When you throw your whiskey glass at the black help at the Hamptons, they cry in pain just like the Hispanics.

5. Black crackheads in Harlem will knife you for the change in your pockets just like the white crackheads on the Upper East Side.

6. Black people also died on 9/11 and are susceptible to the inflammatory rumblings of a rabid blowhard.

7. While you're beating black whores to death in your uncontrollable priapic rage before fucking their corpses, they also plead for their lives.

8. And the blood they bleed is red, too.

9. When they're enjoying fried chicken and ribs with a side of watermelon, black people are known to use napkins.

10. Black people don't need to say "motherfucker" to know who is one.

(By the way, the Rude Pundit's been to a lot of restaurants in the skeeviest neighborhoods in black, white, yellow, and brown sections of town and, unless someone spoke it in another language, no one's ever said, "Motherfucker, I want more iced tea." Iced tea generally doesn't evoke such passion, unless you're Joe Pesci in about 1992.)