Christmas is just around the corner; and this year, Mother is sick and tired of her husband coming up with lame excuses for not getting her anything. Thus, he, Brak, and Zorak must find the perfect Christmas gift for mother: a priceless topaz ring. But what happens along the way? Complete and utter chaos, that's what!

Yes, it's that time of year again: the time of snow, the time of sleigh rides, the time of peace on Earth, and the time where kids wake up really early to see if they got any presents from the big red man we come to know and love. Yes, and this is a Christmas fic to celebrate the event (however, I was originally named SuperMetalMan; and during that time, I already wrote a Christmas fic, but it was inspired by 2 Christmas stories when I only wanted it to be inspired by only one)!

Full Summary: Dad forgot to get Mom a Christmas present! Now he, Brak, and Zorak have to do the (somewhat) traditional last-minute Christmas shopping for the one gift that's hard to afford: a really priceless ring!

Restrictions (that's for when I write a fic that's rated T or higher. Anyways, YAY! New topic!): As I've said before, The Brak Show is an Adult Swim cartoon, and Adult Swim probably isn't suitable for children under the age of 14, so I'm trying not to be a bad influence. ;) Oh, and mild language and mild violence, too.

Dedication (YAY! Another new topic!): My family, who I get to watch The Brak Show and Harvey Birdman with, whenever we get the chance.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Brak Show or Adult Swim. I also didn't discover the season of Christmas.

Alright, THE CRAP IS OVER! RER!

THE LOON OF THE RINGS: A TRIBUTE TO BRAK

It was another winter day at the hometown of Brak. And inside Brak's house, his parents were doing normal things. Mother was busy doing chores, while Dad was just putting it all off by reading the newspaper.

"Hey, look at this, Mother," said Dad, who appeared to have seen an interesting article. "It says here that scientists are making experiments to see if unicorns really do exist! Isn't that interesting?"

"That's… nice, dear…" said Mom.

"Of course it is!" said Dad. "Now we can finally see if unicorns are real or just made up!"

"Mornin' Mom! Mornin' Dad!" said Brak, zippily entering the kitchen.

"Why, hello, Brak!" said Mom.

"Aren't you just excited about the Christmas season?" asked Brak.

"Not really…" said Mom.

"Aw, why not?" asked Brak.

"Because someone forgets to get me a Christmas present every year…" said Mom, sternly looking at Dad.

"Look, Mother," said Dad, "I have a pretty good explanation for not getting you anything every single year!"

"Oh, really?" asked Mother, raising an eyebrow. "And I suppose you have a good excuse for not getting me anything this year?"

"Okay, then…" said Brak, leaving the kitchen. "I'll be in my room if you need anything…"

"I guess I'll be leaving too…" said Dad, starting to leave the kitchen.

"You stay here!" snapped Mom.

"Damn it…" said Dad.

Later that day, Dad wanted to have a secret conversation with Brak in the garage.

"Since when do we have a garage?" wondered Brak.

"That's not the point," said Dad. "Brak, I need your help."

"Whad'ya want, Dad?" asked Brak.

"I need you to go help me pick out a Christmas present for Mother," said Dad.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you!" said Brak. "My dad finding a good Christmas present for Mom just because it's nice!"

"Actually," said Dad, "I'm not getting her a Christmas present because of just that. I'm getting one for her because Mom said that I didn't get her a present, I'll have to do all the work around the house myself! And you know how much of a lazy bum I am, don't you?"

"Well, yeah…" said Brak, "but why are you so lazy?"

"Because, Brak," said Dad, as some comforting piano music began playing from nowhere, "I am a man. And like most other men, we are considered to be lazy bums with wives who do our work for us. And Brak, I will have you know that I am one of those lazy bums. And also, like those kind of men, WE ARE SO DAMN PROUD OF OUR SUPREME LAZINESS, AND WE'LL STAY THAT WAY UNTIL THE END!"

Silence.

"Do you understand what I mean, son?" asked Dad.

"I… guess so…" said Brak.

"Good!" said Dad. "So it's settled! Tomorrow, we go find a good Christmas present for Mother!"

"Okay!" said Brak. It was then when our good friend Zorak jumped into the scene.

"What are you two idiots talking about?" asked Zorak as if he didn't care.

"Oh, nothing, Zorak," said Brak, "we're just making plans to get Mom a good Christmas present so that Dad can keep on being a lazy bum."

"Actually," said Brak, entering the 'scene of the crime', "it's $99,895.49-"

"WILL YOU BE QUIET?!" screamed Zorak as Brak ran away.

"Will that come from your savings or checking-" said the bank teller.

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Zorak. "JUST GIMME THE FREAKING MONEY!"

"You didn't say the magic word," said the bank teller in sing-song voice, still in the same monotone.

"You're right," said Zorak. "GIVE ME THE MONEY NOW!"

"No way, hozae…" said the bank teller.

"You've just made the biggest mistake of your life…" said Zorak. He soon beat up the bank teller, took all the money he needed, and then ran out of the bank. A bunch of alarm bells went off as this happened.

"Alright, boys!" said Zorak. "Now let's scram before the cops show!"

Zorak, Brak, and Dad soon dashed away from the bank and headed to the store.

On their way to the store, they stopped by Clarence, a purple alien wearing a red hat and red overalls, who was running a charity stand.

"Give to the poor!" said Clarence, ringing a bell. "Give as much money as you want to the poor! Help those in need!"

"HERE!" said Zorak. "TAKE THE FREAKING MONEY! WE DON'T NEED IT!"

"Wow!" said Clarence. "Thanks, Zorak! That was very generous of you!"

"Yeah, well I'm still gonna beat you up after Christmas!" said Zorak as he soon kept running along with Brak and Dad.

"Zorak," said Brak, "why did you give the money we needed for the ring to Clarence?"

"Oh, you'll see…" said Zorak.

It was then when an army of police aliens approached Clarence.

"Excuse me, kid," said one of the police aliens.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?" asked Clarence.

"Are you the person who beat up the bank teller and took all the money from the bank?" asked the police alien.

"I don't know anything about a bank teller," said Clarence, "but I think all the money I just got might have come from the bank!"

"That's all we need to know, son," said the police alien.

"Why, you're welcome!" said Clarence.

"BOOK HIM, BOYS!" said the police alien.

"What?" wondered Clarence as he soon got arrested by the police aliens.

"This is Plan B?" asked Brak later that night at the store, wearing a burglary outfit.

"Of course this is Plan B, you idiot!" said Zorak, also wearing a burglary outfit. "We get into the store, find the ring (and my torturing device), we all scram, we give it Mom, she gets happy, game over!"

"I have a feeling that this won't work…" said Brak.

"Of course it'll work," said Zorak. "NOW GET INTO THE FREAKING BUILDING!"

Brak and Dad (who, of course, was also wearing the burglary outfit) snuck into the store, along with Zorak.

As soon as they got into the store, they carefully looked around to find the topaz ring. They searched high and low, left and right, wherever they could find something like that.

"I found it!" said Zorak.

"Really?" asked Dad. "You found the ring that we're looking for?"

"Heck, no!" said Zorak, holding up some kind of torturing device. "I found this wicked-cool thing: The Whipshocker 9000! I've been looking for one of these babies for years..."

"Yeah, that's great," said Dad. "NOW CAN WE FIND THE DAMN RING?!"

"Fine, fine, fine," said Zorak, "but I'm still gonna hold on to this, just for safe keeping..."

"Of course…" said Dad as he, Brak, and Zorak kept looking for the ring.

It wasn't longer than about a half hour when they finally got to the stand in which the ring they were searching for was displayed. However…

"The ring's gone!" cried Brak.

"So someone else stole the ring before us?" asked Dad.

"That, or someone already bought it," said Zorak, noticing the ring's price tag on the floor.

It was then when a flashlight soon shone on Dad, Brak, and Zorak.

"Who's there?" asked a voice from nearby. The lights soon turned on and found that the voice belonged to a tough alien store guard!

And so, after Dad was sentenced to five long years in prison on an account of theft and bribery, he was forced to work like a dog for Mom after his release. As for Zorak, let's just say he had a lot of fun torturing a lot of people with his new Whipshocker 9000, which also led him to five lone years in prison.

As for everyone else, including Clarence…well, nobody cares.

THE END

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