Sex: What goes on between the sheets?

With new book The Sexy Book Of Sexy Sex out now Metro talks to authors Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist about why it’s good to talk.

You did what? Sexy confessions are a great way to spice up a relationship (Picture: Corbis)

‘We’re worried people are going to have to quit their jobs because they’re pleasuring themselves and each other so much,’ says Kristen Schaal, the US actress and comedian best known for playing Mel, the psycho stalker, from Flight Of The Conchords. The cause of her fears? A new book she and her boyfriend, Rich Blomquist, a comedy writer for TV show The Daily Show, have just unleashed.

The pair (pictured below both with hairy chests to publicise the book) are hoping The Sexy Book Of Sexy Sex might just be sexy enough to kick the Kama Sutra off the top spot as the ‘go to’ sex manual. ‘It’s going to expose people to undiscovered heights of pleasure,’ boasts Blomquist.

That claim may or may not be serious but what the book does do, in its comic, often filthy way, is get people talking about sex. And talking about sex is a good thing, says Schaal, who disagrees with the idea that people should automatically be great in bed together. ‘You need to talk about it in order to be good at it,’ she says. ‘Communication is really important – by any means, not just talking,’ Blomquist agrees. ‘Whether it’s semaphore flags or telegrams, any way you can expose your partner to more communication of what you want, then we would highly recommend it.’

Talking means communicating likes and dislikes, fetishes or anything else you might want to do in bed (or field, car, rooftop…). Should people be more open about what they want? ‘Anything goes, I think,’ says Blomquist. They also suggest sex can benefit from an injection of humour. ‘You should definitely lighten up in the sack,’ says Blomquist. ‘If you’re not laughing while having sex, you’re probably not having sex,’ Schaal agrees.

Good sex can help make a relationship stronger; bad sex, too little sex or no sex can drive a wedge between a couple. But everyday problems such as busy work schedules, looking after children and stress mean life has a tendency of getting in the way.

Just over 14 per cent of 35 to 44-year-olds said their sex life was ‘disappointing’ or ‘dull’ and one in five people aren’t having sex or have it less than once a year, according to a report from counselling service Relate.

Talking is often the solution. But many couples find it difficult. So why is sex so scary to talk about? ‘It’s sharing part of yourself, so you have to be open to the idea of exposing your vulnerabilities,’ says Blomquist.

Good sex doesn’t always come easy, says Schaal. ‘It’s something you have to work on. And you have to put some time aside to do it.’ Blomquist has an interesting solution. ‘In the hustle and bustle of modern life, sometimes people don’t always make time to sexually explore each other. You should have a scheduling system, preferably hung right over your headboard, with dates and times all arranged.’

So are Blomquist and Schaal leading by example? ‘Definitely,’ says Schaal. ‘It was hard for Rich and I to write the book because every time we had to type on the keyboard we ended up making love.’