Monday, February 16, 2015

My most loved one,

I know that right now you are sitting alone in your room
plagued by sleeplessness. I know that
your heart is heavy and your emotions are astir and you feel like no one can
understand the chasm that seems ever widening in your heart. People you love have hurt you, people you
trust have forsaken you, and people you respect have fallen short (as humans so
often do). You feel alone and unwanted
and so you lie awake as silent tears fall unheard down your cheeks. I am so sorry that you have to hurt; that the
brokenness of this world has caused you pain.
I’m afraid that it may be causing you to believe that you are something
you are not. Tonight, you have been
rejected by people who once accepted you.
Tonight, you feel as if your words are meaningless. Tonight, you tell yourself that it would be
better if you just gave everyone what they seem so desperately to want—for you
to shut up and go away. Tonight, you are
believing lies.

I will not sit by and be silent as these lies weave their
way into the shadowed corners of your mind.
I have pursued you even in your most unlovely of moments, don’t you know
I would never leave you alone? I am
faithful even when others are not and I will never forsake you to face the lies
alone. Have you forgotten so quickly the
price I paid to make you mine? Do you
not remember how valuable you are to me?
Let me remind you once more.

I have called you for a glorious purpose, one that you
cannot even fully dream or imagine. I,
myself, have given you those words you seem to despise so much right now, even
in your silence you speak for me. I see
you, for all that you are, and have not only accepted you but have adopted
you. Not only are you not alone as I am
with you always, but I also stand before you as your defender and stand
fortified as your refuge. I champion
your cause and lead heavenly legions to fight for your dreams. Even when your faith in me falters, my faith
in you is relentless and unwavering. You
are unfathomably and immeasurably loved.
You are more beautiful and more precious to me than the wonders of
galaxies.

Hey, look at me. Lift
your eyes, darling. You are strong,
stronger than you even know, and you have NO reason to hang your head. I cannot promise you that the pain will go
away. I cannot say that the heartbreak of
rejection and the agony of aloneness will cease.

But.

But I will promise you this—my grace is enough for you. And you are enough for me. That’s right, the you right now with red eyes
and tear stained pillow cases. The you
at 1:37 AM who can’t seem to turn the hurt off long enough to quiet the
exhausted cries for rest from your brain.
You. Right here. Right now. Are enough.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Here’s the thing, sex is one of those things that we just
don’t talk about in church like… ever.
Even when we read through a passage in the Bible where it talks about a
man “knowing” his wife (if you know what I mean) we totally gloss over that part
and hurry towards the end of the passage that I’m sure says something about the
evils of some sin or another. I know
pastors, PASTORS, who won’t even say the word “sex” in church. They skirt around the word, the issue, and
quickly move on to other “more important” issues.

The worst part about the church’s squeamishness towards sex
is that the only time it is actually mentioned in church is with such
negativity. Oh sure, we talk about sex,
but it’s with warning and guilt and threats of destruction for engaging in
it. We talk with disgust about sexual
immorality and impurity with cautionary counsel to steer far FAR from it. Some say, “We don’t need to talk about sex,
you shouldn't be having it anyway! Just stay celibate and pure until marriage,
it’s that simple!” Right, yeah, let’s
treat the world as we want it to be and not as it is.

See the problem is that the world talks about sex. The world inundates us with nakedness and one
night stands and friends who spend casual nights together between the
sheets. Sex is literally everywhere. In just a few days a movie ABOUT SEX is
coming to the big screen. A movie whose
book has sold over 70 MILLION copies (that’s just in the US by the way). People will be lined up around the block to
see the movie on opening night, and I have no doubt that hundreds of theaters
across the country will sell out. Why? Because people like sex. Duh.

So here’s what happens when we don’t talk about sex; we
become irrelevant to our world. We
choose to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that sex isn't an issue worth
discussing (while we engage in it with the shades drawn) and we become unconnected
with the very people who need us. Worse
even still, if we do talk about sex but only with negativity. If the only time we discuss sex in church is
to condemn those outside its Biblical lines what do you think happens then?

What happens is that the people outside those lines think
that their sexual sin is worse than all other sin. They begin to believe that if they’re having
sex or living with their partner or looking at porn that they are unacceptable;
not only to the church but to God. They
live their lives in bondage, alone, hidden away in secret because there is nowhere
they can go for help. It drives them to
depression and destruction and I can’t help but think we share some of the
blame for that.

Jesus didn't seem to have this problem. He didn't cover His eyes when half naked
prostitutes caught in the act were thrust in front of Him. He didn't use euphemism and carefully skirt
around the issue when speaking scandalously to a woman at a well about her
loose life with multiple lovers. I can’t
help but wonder if there was some sermon on some mount somewhere when Jesus spoke
on sex and Matthew was just a little too uncomfortable to include it in his
book.

Now, I've spent 600 words just ranting from my soap box
about the need for sex talks in church and I haven’t actually done any sex
talking myself. So here you go:

Sex is a beautiful thing and it’s also a binding thing. The moment you give that part of yourself to
another person you are forever fused with that person. Forever.
It doesn't matter if you walk away, if they walk away, if it’s “mutual,”
you are forever fused. That part, that insanely
intimate part of yourself, forever belongs to that other person. Which, I think, is probably why God warns us
to save it for marriage. Not because He
will think differently of us if we don’t, but because He knows that we will
think differently of ourselves if we don’t.

There is no sin, no failure, nothing “too different” about
you that can separate you from God. Just
because you are not accepted by others does not mean you are unacceptable. Gay or straight, male or female, porn star or
celibate priest, living with your boyfriend or still never had a girlfriend—you
are loved completely, accepted fully, pursued intimately, and favored in
totality by the God who grips galaxies.

May you have the courage to say the “S” word. May you fearlessly stand before those you
influence and talk unashamedly about the tough stuff. May you create a space of freedom and safety
for those struggling around you to be authentic. And if you are in the midst of the struggle
yourself; may you know, intimately know, that you are accepted and loved more
than you can imagine EXACTLY as you are.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

I’ve been working on this ongoing piece about
relationships/marriage/singleness that started out as a small article and
turned into about 3 pages worth of my thoughts and feelings. Basically, it’s 3 pages of me writing from
atop my soap box as reoccurring reminders of why I climbed up there are tossed
my way. So, since the need for these
things to be written shows no sign of ceasing, I thought I would do a little
mini blog series about relationships. Each
week of the month of February I will be posting a new blog covering a
relationship related topic.

This week, I want to start out by talking about
singleness. That’s where it all starts
after all, singly. It’s February which
means talk of love and dating fills the air.
It’s impossible to walk into any store anywhere without the smell of
packaged chocolate and cheap flowers assaulting your nostrils and the
brightness of red and pink décor overtaking your view. The commercial pounce on love began shortly
after Christmas ended, and for all us single people out there, seems to drag on
far too long to endure.

I’ve been rocking the single life for about 2 years now
after the man who I was ready to give up my dreams for broke my heart. And I’m glad he did. I’m glad he did because he was not worth that
sacrifice. I’ve refrained for so long
from writing anything about relationships simply because I feel like I just
really suck at them and I’m definitely not qualified to be giving anyone any
kind of advice regarding them. More on
that later in the series, but for now I want to talk about something I’m better
at than being in a relationship—being single.

At first, being single was difficult. Really, really, difficult. I spent YEARS being in a relationship, it
became my comfort zone. The first year
of being single was filled with nights crying myself to sleep and checking my phone
at 2am to see if he’d texted me and holding on to old pictures of us hoping he’d
come back to me and being torn apart by empty seats at holidays and breaking
down hearing love songs that use to make my heart soar. The latter part of that year was spent being
angry and throwing out everything that reminded me of us and wishing I could
fill that gaping hole he left in my heart the day he walked away. Basically my life was a Taylor Swift
album. I use to be ashamed to admit that
I had let so much of myself depend on another person, but I know now that I am
stronger for making that mistake.

All that struggle and hurt and anger all led me to this place
of valuing my singleness. People do this
thing where they make the ultimate goal in life marriage or, you know, finding “the
one.” That elusive “one” who will
somehow solve the insecurities of being alone.
So they say things like, “one day you’ll find that person” or “there’s someone
out there for everyone” or my personal favorite, “God has someone special set
aside for you.” All these are well
intentioned sentiments, but end up sounding to me like what you’re really
saying is, “One day you’ll find another human being to complete you.”

Well, what if I don’t and why is that such a bad thing? What if some of us are called to
singleness? What if it’s possible to be
content without another human being tethered to our sides? The problem when we make a relationship or
marriage our ultimate goal in life is that we end up expecting the other person
to complete us. We strive and hope for
and work hard to get to this final destination of oneness with another person
and then quickly discover that they are just as insecure and broken as we
are. It’s no wonder that so many
marriages shatter!

Over these past couple of years I’ve learned the joy of
singleness and I honestly treasure it.
Being alone has taught me that I am by no means lonely. I find happiness and excitement in the
wonderful friendships that I am blessed with.
I have had the ability and delight to chase my dreams and ignite new
passions as I pursue the beautiful mess of ministry that God has lassoed me
into. I’ve experienced a depth of
personal growth and discovery that I could have never imagined and was never
possible while my energy and focus was spent on another person.

The most enticing thing about life lived singly is how truly
intimate my relationship with Christ has become. All those nights spent weeping into my pillow
over love lost were also the nights when I felt almost tangibly held by the
same arms that cradle the universe. All
those late nights spent squinting at my phone hoping for a word of love were
also the nights the lips that breathed life into dust whispered words of His delight
in me into my ear. All those days spent
in anger and pain when I didn’t feel like moving forward were the same days
that I was carried by the calloused hands that carried my cross.

I know that all may sound crazy and weirdly ethereal but it
was so real for me. It IS so real for
me. I’ve spent 2 years falling madly in
love with a God who has always been madly in love with me. I’ve had the divine privilege of getting to
catch glimpses of myself through His eyes.
Glimpses that make me treasure this time spent being alone but not
lonely.

My friends joke about the coffee loving tattooed man that
may be awaiting me in the future and I can’t help but laugh and say, “It will
have to be one hell of a man to woo me away from this life!” Who knows what the future may hold for any of
us, but I am content living solo.

To wrap this whole mess up I’ll leave you with this: May you find confidence and security in just
being solely you. May you embrace life
alone but not lonely. May you find
completion and satisfaction in a God who became nothing so that you could have
everything. May that completion ignite in
you new passion and desire for others to experience it too. And may you find the joy in being
single.

Who I Am

Writer. Radical. Former addict sabotaged by extravagant, scandalous, excessive grace. I believe in a God who does big things in small people; the God of royal shepherds, fearful warriors, and rebel pastors.