I''m a lover not a hater. No Trolls Allowed. Everybody else--Welcome.

December 07, 2006

Feminine Vs. Masculine

My ex told me the other day that I'm not teaching our daughter how to be feminine because I'm not very feminine. Ever since then I've wondered exactly what he meant by that and what my definition of feminine is. What does it mean to be feminine? Can I be strong and in power and still be feminine? Can I change the oil in my car, or change a tire, or crawl up in the attic with the changing seasons to turn the gas to my heater on and off, and still be feminine? On the days I wear makeup and sexy clothes, am I more feminine than I am on the days I don't? If I'm a great mom but not so great in bed, am I womanly, but not feminine? Or vice versa?

Conversely, what does it mean to be masculine? Is my straight, sexy hairdresser masculine? Are metrosexual men masculine? Are they less masculine if they cook and clean and do laundry?

I don't think it has anything to do with the things we do and everything to do with who we are. The line of demarcation between men and women and the roles we each play have blurred to the extent that it is impossible to apply a feminine or masculine title to any behavior. I think it's more of an ephemeral understanding, like trying to define charm. There are definitely feminine men and masculine women and vice versa, and it's not what they are doing that leads us to that conclusion, it's who they are.

So back to my ex's statement about me not being feminine. Maybe because he doesn't find me sexually attractive he doesn't consider me feminine. I guess I'll never know because I emailed him and asked him to define feminine and masculine and he never replied. On the other hand, it's not his opinion of who I am that matters as much as mine does, and the ones who love me.