Slouching Toward Narcissism

How did we go from being a society that cared -- to one that is increasingly so callous?

There is something wrong -- something very, very wrong -- going on here. Something has happened to Israeli society over the past few years, something that is slowly and inexorably changing the way people relate to one another.

You can see it in the little things, and in the big things, too. It is there when you are waiting on line at the bank, or when you go before yet another lethargic clerk to fill out still another tedious bureaucratic form.

The daily headlines reflect it as well, as burning issues ranging from rocket attacks to widespread poverty to strikes in the educational system elicit little more than a shrug of the shoulders as we turn the page and move on.

As frightening as it sounds, it seems as if the bonds that hold us together as one nation and one people are beginning to wither away.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly when this process started, let alone when (and how) it will end. But it is almost as if the glue binding society has started to weaken, threatening to come undone before our very eyes.

How did this happen? How did we go from being a society that cared -- to one that is increasingly so callous?

The answer, I think, is surprisingly simple, and it can best be summed up in one very short and simple, little word: me.

No, I don't mean "me" as in myself, Michael Freund, the author of this article, but "me" in the sense that each of us has increasingly turned inward, to some extent shutting out our responsibility to one another as Jews.

Values and ideals such as patriotism, Jewish pride and love of country are increasingly being replaced by a narrower mode of thinking, one that is focused far more selfishly on what is best for me, myself and especially -- for I.

How else does one explain our indifference to the fate of Sderot, which continues to suffer near-daily barrages of Palestinian projectiles? Or the lack of public pressure to return Israel's missing servicemen? It is almost as if we have subconsciously adopted the attitude that as long as something doesn't directly affect our own personal daily existence, then it simply does not matter very much at all.

There are thousands of Jews in the Negev living under constant threat of mortar fire? Hey, not my problem, those rockets can't reach me. Gilad Schalit, Eldad Regev and Ehud Goldwasser are all being held in captivity for 15 months and counting? Sorry, but can't you see I'm busy watching TV?

Is this really the kind of society we want to live in? Take, for example, the tragedy of Gush Katif. It has now become acceptable, even tolerable, to throw Jews out of their homes. Of course, just as long as it isn't my home or yours that is under the gun.

Even after Gaza's Jews were expelled, their fate fell out of sight, swept far away from the public's consciousness. I'm not sure which was crueler: forcing them out or forsaking them once they were gone.

Fighting Selfishness

How do we stop this slide toward narcissism and self-absorption? How can we turn back the clock on conceit, selfishness and pride?

Stop for a moment and ask yourself a very straightforward question: What will I do for the Jewish people today?

Here is a little formula that might be worth a try. When you start off your morning, and plan your daily schedule, stop for a moment and ask yourself a very straightforward question: What will I do for the Jewish people today?

Not for the Jewish person staring back at you in the mirror, but for the nation of Israel as a whole.

What activity, what action, what amount of time will you spend doing something, doing anything, for your people today? How you choose to answer this query is not my affair. We must each take an honest look at ourselves, our talents and our abilities and come up with a suitable response.

But just asking ourselves this question each day will challenge us, however briefly, to look beyond ourselves, toward the greater good around us that is so badly in need of repair.

There is so much that is twisted and wrong with our government and the way things are done, that many of us often find ourselves at a loss as to what to do. We want to get involved, we want to make a difference, but it just doesn't seem to matter, as our national predicament only grows worse.

But fending off frustration and doing something focused and concrete is a sure-fire way to start to improve the situation.

For if at the end of each day, we can look back and say that we did something positive and productive for the people of Israel, it will reignite the sense of purpose and meaning that lies dormant within us.

Even if our actions do not appear to have any noticeable effect on the course of events, just by getting involved on behalf of the Jewish people, we will at least succeed in changing ourselves.

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About the Author

The writer served as deputy communications director in the Prime Minister’s Office under former premier Binyamin Netanyahu. He is the founder and Chairman of Shavei Israel (www.shavei.org), a Jerusalem-based group that facilitates the return of the Bnei Menashe and other “lost Jews” to the Jewish people.

Visitor Comments: 14

If nothing else, we can pray. God, please bless the Jewish people and strengthen their spiritual community. Please lead us all to better times.

(13)
Linda,
November 1, 2007 9:44 AM

I know you're talking about Israel,but

It is the same way here in the states, the same comittal of rushing around making a life for ones family or self, and crashing in front of the tv, to watch garbage or play video games, or get on the PC.There is no time for anyone else in our secular society, Not even the most important person....God. Our government has the worst rating in a decade, especially congress, your first reaction to what you hear about them is, "Are they stupid, or just crazy". Well they want God out of the government, so He is obliging us.But it's the same all over the world, the crime and filth get worse every year, God will have to do what He does best, clean this mess up, but we won't like how He will do it, it's going to hurt.Be looking to Him, He is the only hope we have.

(12)
Anonymous,
October 30, 2007 10:27 AM

Frustrated and resentful

I think the Israelis are treating the Gush Katif and other West Bank settlers just like the Vietnam veterans were treated in the US. They're sick and tired of the problem, there's no solution in sight, and many are questioning the wisdom of taking up this hopeless cause altogether. Nowhere in the Torah does it say that Jews should lay down their lives for the Land, or even for our holiest places. On the contrary, we learn that G-d poured out His wrath on the stones and wood of the Bet Hamikdash and spared His people. Apathy towards anyone's suffering is inexcusable, though the problem has to be examined from the root up. Whether The Vietnam war was wrong or right, the veterans were heroes and should be respected as such.

(11)
Anonymous,
October 30, 2007 5:33 AM

You could fool me about that narcissism

I regularly donate my platelets to the Red Cross. Last week, I dropped everything to donate because they had a patient who was a platelet match for me who was in need, so I made an emergency donation. But I had to wait when I got there because the other platelet donors weren't finished. One of those donors is a lady who donates platelets, a 2 hour procedure, twice per month. The center was also busy with the whole blood donors as well. The beneficiaries of these blood products have no claims on us donors other than the love we have in our hearts for other people. In addition to the donors, there are volunteers who donate their time to help the Red Cross. Last year I spent time in Israel with the Volunteers for Israel. We chipped in our own money to buy equipment so that we could do the job better. We were all people who had nice homes and nice beds, but we spent two weeks in not so nice army bases because of our love for Israel. The volunteers, by the way, were not all Jewish; some were Christian. Very few of them were Sabbath observant Jews, too.

I don't see all of this narcissism and selfishness - Baruch Hashem!

(10)
Rachel,
October 29, 2007 1:39 PM

Is davening enough?

Or do we need to do more chesed, donate more money, or just make people aware of what's going on?

(9)
James,
October 29, 2007 7:31 AM

Oh, so similar to us, we may as well be one!

Your comments on the "Me" apathy sweeping Isreal is very similar to that which has been happening in the United States for years. We are so close in relations with Isreal that I fear the current attitude in Isreal can be rooted to that in the U.S. We continue to struggle in our own little worlds that we move away from the central core of our great countries. You know, humanity towards one another, the giving of one self rather that taking. The current trend will surely lead to the collapse of civilization throughout the world as we cannot survive alone. Only as a family of humanity.Sincerely, James Haskin

(8)
Dennis,
October 29, 2007 2:21 AM

Israel is adopting the attitudes common in Western Society

On reading this article I thought that we could easily substitute the name of any western country for Israel and the term people for Jews and the article would still ring true. Israel is becoming as apathetic as the rest of western culture.

Who would have thought that within a generation of the horrors of WW2 and the founding of Israel that we could so lose our way; not just Israel but the whole of western civilsation.

(7)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2007 9:47 PM

You Overlooked One Key Piece- Leadership

You overlooked one key piece my friend. It is one thing to have a set of beliefs and even an identity that most of the world doesn't understand and many perhaps may view with disdain. In such circumstances people must rely on what is within themselves: what they have learned in life, what they were taught by family, what they were taught in formal education, what society teaches by customs, what Judaism teaches, what the Torah teaches. When the leaders of Israel gave away the land to openly hostile people who declare that they are our enemy by their words and their actions, they simply invited the enemy in deeper. In doing this they have contradicted all that we know to be wisdom. And when the leaders of a people will not look out for them, they learn that they must look out for themselves. As they forced family after family out of their homes to give this land to our enemies... they were teaching us that world opinion is more important than our lives. Isreal belongs to the Jews not because of the Balfour declaration or because someone foolishly thinks they traded land for peace, but because G-d Himself gave it to our father Abraham. It is time that Isreal had leaders that believe in the Torah. That are not only willing to say that I am the seed of Abraham, but that can also say I trust in the G-d of Abraham and we will not back down.

(6)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2007 7:07 PM

I think there is more than just individual selfishness.

On a recent visit to Isreal, I was extremely disappointed at the general cleanliness of the country side. Burial sites in Safed and Tiberius; streets in cities & town throughout Israel were a real disgrace with the amount of trash that no one seems to care about that is all over the landscape.

The attitude of the ultra-religious toward others, and the attitude of the secular toward the ultra-religious was disgusting. We can't even agree on who is a Jew, much less what that Jew should be. I'm just disappointed, extremely disappointed in a country that I have supporting for a long time; and a people who are supposed to be my family. Unfortunately I do not see a solution on the horizon; nor will there be as long as we as individuals, groups or movements think we have a lock on what is right!

(5)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2007 6:29 PM

Great Article!

We are not Jews, but we continually plan what we can do for Israel---- and we do it through Hadassah Wizo(we are life members), Yad Eliezer and Bridges for Peace to name a few. Because of it we are blessed in many ways.

(4)
Dorothy Hesp,
October 28, 2007 3:34 PM

Sad to say, it is not just the country of Israel which suffers from this selfishness and me,me,me attitude. Britain today is unrecognisable from the country when I was young in the 40,s and 50,s. There is a callousness and couldn,t care less attitude everywhere from Government right through all echelons of society. I dispair for Israel and for Britain; indeed for humanity.

(3)
hasidicrebbele,
October 28, 2007 2:31 PM

i disagree

I disagree.

1st- your article is more applicable to secular jews. In the religious sectors there are more chesed organizations poping up even on a daily basis.2nd- it's the govt. that doesn't care. they've punished those that do care to not dare try to help or do. the israeli govt. wants jews not to be jews and they've succeded with the secular jews whose whole religion was the govt. . now that secular jews have seen the truth, of course they don't care. they have no life, no hope. how can one fight such a brutal vicious people who only look out for themselves? where did u see defenseless jews being attacked with horses and whatever with such brutality in the last 10 years?

where was "Michael Freund" during the Gush Katif horror? what did you write then?

look yourself in the mirror. you don't care. i do as many religious people do. and we are praying and doing chesed every second.

speak for yourself and your kind !!!!!

(2)
Chana,
October 28, 2007 1:51 PM

Also In America

This has been happening here in the U.S. as well. I have experienced this same "coldness" or "indifference." It seems that people in general are becoming more and more exclusive of one another, and must have the appearance of wealth and material status to be accepted.

(1)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2007 10:50 AM

This could be said of USA culture as well. Comunity ties used to be important, helping each other, now your lucky if you know your nieghbor.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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