tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50474743607535919282020-06-05T10:27:16.648+01:00Juice Nothing Blog: The Insides Of Jared Woods On The OutsideRead About Jared's Views On Music, The Internet, Sex, Law Of Attraction, Celebrities and Himself. Also The Latest On Coming Down Happy, The Funpowder Plot, Art-Pulpitations, Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen, This Is Your Brain On Drugs, And His Autobiography.Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.comBlogger214125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-56954028065522618212020-06-03T21:57:00.002+01:002020-06-05T10:27:16.624+01:00Does Bill Gates Have Evil Vaccination Intentions?<style> .ref { font-size: 80%; vertical-align: super; line-height:1; } </style> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3Qk4tL_uGs/XtZ16q3fCrI/AAAAAAAAPfo/-w3KTpv-pBktg_BlwtCcAhA915zmUOqWgCK4BGAsYHg/s640/20June3-COVID2-Does-Bill-Gates-Have-Evil-Vaccination-Intentions.jpg" width="620" /></span></div> <div style="text-align: center; width: 100%;"><i>PART 2 OF THE COVID-19 CONSPIRACY SERIES.<br /> NO OPINIONS, JUST NEUTRAL INFORMATION.<br /><br /> <a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/05/is-5g-evil-weapon-against-our-health.html" target="_blank">READ PART 1: IS 5G AN EVIL WEAPON AGAINST OUR HEATH?</a></i></div><br /><br /> <h3>Who is Bill Gates?</h3>Bill Gates is best known as the co-founder and former CEO of the Microsoft Corporation. This technology company has created various software products (most notable the Windows operating system) and has subsequently remained one of the most valued companies in the world (currently <i>the most</i> valuable, overtaking Apple in 2018<a class="ref" href="https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/how-did-microsoft-just-overtake-apple-world-s-most-valuable-n940751" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). Microsoft is valued at over $1 trillion since 2019<a class="ref" href="https://www.cnbc.com/2019/04/24/microsoft-q3-2019-earnings.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> With a net worth of $105+ billion<a class="ref" href="https://www.forbes.com/profile/bill-gates/?list=billionaires#15aa77cc689f" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, Bill Gates is the second richest man in the world behind only Jeff Bezos (Amazon founder and CEO)<a class="ref" href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/katevinton/2017/10/27/amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-is-the-richest-person-in-the-world-again/#780d42891948" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. There were only four years between 1995 and 2017 where Bill was not the richest person on the planet.<br /><br /> Bill Gates largely stepped down from his Microsoft duties in 2008 to devote more time to the private charity he has set up with his wife. It's called the Bill &amp; Melinda Gates Foundation. Their goals are to improve global healthcare and reduce poverty. This is reportedly the world’s largest private charity<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/aug/15/bill-gates-charity-donation-microsoft-shares-foundation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>What is the Theory?</h3>There are assorted dots scattered throughout this narrative. Conspiracy theorists tend to believe in different degrees and combinations of these points, but in one general string, it looks something like this:<br /><br /> Bill Gates may have invented COVID-19 himself or at least perpetuated the spread. He has done so to force the world to require a mandatory vaccine otherwise we'll never get back to normal life. This would not only skyrocket Bill Gates’ wealth due to his patent ownership but would also allow him to slip a microchip into every human being, tracking everyone, everywhere, at all times. All of which may be part of a Satanic plot to overthrow Donald Trump, possibly because Gates is part of a paedophile ring. I'll explain everything.<br /><br /> <h3>Where Do We Even Begin?</h3>There are three distinct conspiracy timelines which have met up to create this mecha-theory, essentially the culmination of long-speculated anxieties coming to a climax right here. These are anti-vaccinations, microchip implants, and a general distrust for Bill Gates himself.<br /><br /> We will look at each of these separately. <br /><br /> <h3>What's the Anti-Vaccination Movement?</h3>The anti-vaxxer (or vaccine hesitancy) community has existed for centuries, initially rooted in religion. In 1772, Reverend Edmund Massey famously dubbed inoculations against smallpox as the work of the devil<a class="ref" href="http://defendgaia.org/bobk/whitem10.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Over time, these arguments against vaccinations have evolved across a wide spectrum. They range from an understandable lack of confidence over the safety of a vaccine’s contents, all the way to linking autism to said vaccinations (a theory which has since been debunked a thousand times over<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/concerns/autism.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24814559/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908388/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /> In 2019, The World Health Organization called the vaccine hesitancy movement one of the biggest health threats in the world<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/ten-threats-to-global-health-in-2019" target="_blank">[ref]</a> due to the outbreaks which have resulted from reduced immunities. This includes the 2004 reappearance of polio in Nigeria<a class="ref" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18690921/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. There has also been a 30% global rise of measle cases/deaths<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/measles/cases-outbreaks.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/ten-threats-to-global-health-in-2019" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, for example,&nbsp;600 in Nigeria (Jan - March 2005)<a class="ref" href="http://www.eurekaselect.com/55128/article" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and 83 over the last year in Samoa<a class="ref" href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/international/pacific-news/406802/two-more-deaths-from-measles-in-samoa-over-new-year-period " target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> As it stands, the scientific consensus is that vaccines are safe due to the immense safety standards required from a medicine that is administered to millions of humans<a class="ref" href="https://www.vaccines.gov/basics/safety" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. However, people like Heidi J. Larson from WHO’s Strategic Advisory Group of Experts takes some of the blame, stating <i>“We've invested in more and more vaccines and much less in bringing the public along with us. We need to pay attention to the public and listen to their concerns much earlier on.”</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5689193/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br /><br /> When it comes to corona, the war between the anti-vaxxers and the vaccination is nothing but loud words at this point. However, it will continuously gain momentum as we approach the inoculation date. <br /><br /> <h3>Microchip Implants: What Are the Concerns?</h3>The long history of VeriChip human implants would take too much time to document but it truly became newsworthy in 2004 when the practice was legally approved by The Food and Drug Administration<a class="ref" href="https://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/10/14/human_rfid_implants/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Its current and <i>potential</i> functions include storing identity and medical information, monitoring diseases, tracking criminals, and replacing bank cards. Since then, places like the Epicenter in Stockholm<a class="ref" href="https://www.computerworld.com/article/2881178/office-complex-implants-rfid-chips-in-employees-hands.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, City Watcher in Cincinnati<a class="ref" href="http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/ohio-company-embeds-rfid-chips-employees" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and the Baja Beach club in Rotterdam<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2004/jun/10/onlinesupplement1" target="_blank">[ref]</a> have experimented with the microchip for allowing personal access into secure or VIP areas. It’s worth noting that, at this time, there are no reported GPS implants available due to issues like device size and battery life<a class="ref" href="https://tractive.com/blog/en/tech/microchip-for-dogs-and-tractive-gps" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="http://petlovergeek.com/2016/09/25/gpsmicrochipspart3/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Questions quickly arose about this irremovable mechanism and its effects on our freedom. The American Medical Association published a report in 2007<a class="ref" href="https://www.ama-assn.org/sites/ama-assn.org/files/corp/media-browser/public/about-ama/councils/Council%20Reports/council-on-ethics-and-judicial-affairs/a07-ceja-rfid-labeling-humans.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which queried privacy issues. Security researcher Jonathan Westhues demonstrated how easy it was to clone such microchips simply by standing next to their person<a class="ref" href="http://cq.cx/verichip.pl" target="_blank">[ref]</a> in 2006. <br /><br /> The Bill Gates story is not the first time the conspiracy mill has spun about microchipping. Back in 2013, an email chain claimed Obamacare was looking to implant every US citizen by 2014 based on the <i>H.R.3590 – Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.congress.gov/bill/111th-congress/house-bill/3590/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. No such wording existed but this did not stop the rumour from updating the deadline every year that passed<a class="ref" href="https://obamacarefacts.com/obamacare-microchip-implant/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Also in 2014, an almost identical hoax cropped up about the Ebola vaccine<a class="ref" href="https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/chip-off-the-old-salk/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="http://www.hoaxorfact.com/pranks/ebola-vaccinations-containing-rfid-chips-facts.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> as well as one stating that all EU newborns were set to be chipped<a class="ref" href="https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/chip-shot-3/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Perhaps unsurprisingly, no reliable documentation can back up these claims.<br /><br /> As it stands, involuntary microchip implants are illegal in the American states of Arkansas, California, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Utah, and Wisconsin<a class="ref" href="https://news.bloomberglaw.com/daily-labor-report/forced-worker-microchipping-faces-growing-preemptive-strike" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.lexisnexis.com/en-us/products/state-net/news/2020/03/13/states-just-saying-no.page" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and similar such laws continue to spread quickly. Consent is also required in the UK<a class="ref" href="https://www.uktech.news/news/industry-analysis/microchipping-employees-what-are-the-legal-implications-20181123" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. As these notions are fairly new, many nations are yet to establish their laws. Nevertheless, it feels reasonable to suggest that any free country will view forced/undisclosed microchipping as a conflict of basic human rights. <br /><br /> <h3>Microchip Implants: The Mark of the Beast?</h3>Much like any good story, we also have a birthplace in the Bible. More specifically, the <i>Book of Revelation</i>, the Bible's final book which deals with the end of the world and the second coming of Christ. <br /><br /> Look at <i>Revelation 13:15–18</i> which states:<br /><br /> <i>15. And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.<br />16. And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:<br />17. And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Revelation-Chapter-13/#13" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br /><br /> The Biblical/microchipping connection was made shortly after FDA approval. <i>The Resistance Manifesto</i> in 2005 by Christian conspiracy activist Mark Dice stands as one of the earliest published examples<a class="ref" href="https://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/08/05/rfid_chip_boycott/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4335863-the-resistance-manifesto" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Ignoring the controversial author’s racist sexist homophobic<a class="ref" href="https://theconversation.com/how-the-jim-crow-internet-is-pushing-back-against-black-lives-matter-65934" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://io9.gizmodo.com/dumpstarwars-cry-babies-struggle-to-save-face-after-bl-1790256837" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.teenvogue.com/story/bts-fans-youtuber-insulted-amas-performance" target="_blank">[ref]</a> tendencies, he did note some very interesting points with those Revelation lines, such as <i>“rich and poor”</i> (every class getting vaccinated), <i>“receive a mark in their right hand”</i> (an often proposed positioning of the microchipping), and that <i>“no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark”</i> (becoming a cashless society where only chips are accepted). <br /><br /> The cashless society branch leads into another recent theory by Oscar-winning Russian director Nikita Mikhalkov<a class="ref" href="https://www.rt.com/news/487634-mikhalkov-bill-gates-microchip-implants/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> who called attention to a 2020 Microsoft patent. This document registers the idea that a person could earn cryptocurrency by performing certain activities<a class="ref" href="https://blockchain.news/news/microsoft-patents-cutting-edge-human-powered-crypto-mining-system" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. It makes no mention of microchips but who is to say? And what really tickled Mikhalkov’s imagination was the patent’s publication number: <i>060606</i><a class="ref" href="https://patentscope.wipo.int/search/en/detail.jsf?docId=WO2020060606&amp;tab=PCTBIBLIO" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Three sixes! The number of the beast!<br /><br /> Which is to say that if Bill Gates delivers the microchip then he is surely fulfilling the prophecy of the Antichrist, sending whoever accepts the mark to Hell then ushering in the return of Jesus. Could be fun. <br /><br /> <h3>Can We Trust Bill Gates?</h3>Bill Gates isn't exactly the poster child for trustworthiness. Most of this stems from criticisms against Microsoft’s business practices including overworking employees<a class="ref" href="https://www.seattletimes.com/business/archive-inside-microsoft-a-velvet-sweatshop-or-a-high-tech-heaven/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and questionable advertising techniques<a class="ref" href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/xboxs-advert-pulled-after-protest-from-tv-watchdog-179193.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2009/aug/26/microsoft-race-gaffe" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> More to the topic, Microsoft and Gates have also come under fire for privacy issues. A leaked NSA document named Microsoft (and many other company giants) as providing non-US citizen data to the American government<a class="ref" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/07/us/nsa-verizon-calls.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jul/11/microsoft-nsa-collaboration-user-data" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which they have denied<a class="ref" href="https://techcrunch.com/2013/06/06/google-facebook-apple-deny-participation-in-nsa-prism-program/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The EU has had some particular concerns about data collections<a class="ref" href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/21/14682256/microsoft-windows-10-eu-privacy-concerns" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.zdnet.com/article/dutch-government-report-says-microsoft-office-telemetry-collection-breaks-gdpr/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Furthermore, there are allegations of monopolising the PC market which has regularly found Microsoft in court. In 2001, there was the <i>United States v. Microsoft Corporation </i>case which accused the company of restricting users from installing competitive software. This was settled with Microsoft opening access to much of its code for third-parties<a class="ref" href="https://www.justice.gov/atr/case-document/file/503541/download" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. In 2007, the EU called for <i>Microsoft Corp. v. Commission</i>, claiming that Microsoft was blocking its competitors unlawfully. The courts agreed, smashing the company with a €497 million fine, the largest the EU had ever seen at the time<a class="ref" href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3563697.stm" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. There are many more examples just like this<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microsoft_litigation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Such dubious undertakings are essential roots that feed into the theories. This is due to similar concerns between privacy/tracking microchips as well as Gates’ so-called monopolisation of the medical industry, which we will look at in greater detail later. Many hypothesise that the establishment of the Gates Foundation was merely to transform his public image into someone more likeable, giving him additional leeway for his future projects<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/oct/24/no-such-thing-free-gift-gates-foundation-philanthropy-review" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.jacobinmag.com/2020/04/bill-gates-foundation-philanthropy-microsoft" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Meanwhile, Gates credits a reading list from Dr. Bill Foege for his interest in global health<a class="ref" href="https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/19/bill-gates-says-these-3-books-opened-a-new-world-for-him.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> There is already a mistrust for high up figures amongst those who swear by a New World Order social hierarchy, so when one of the richest men in the world has further muddied his name with the previous wrongdoings, then the crosshairs of conspiracy suspicions grow even larger. Hence why COVID-19 is not the first time Bill Gates has come under very similar allegations and, depending on the corona outcome, won’t be the last. <br /><br /> <h3>What's the Theory with Bill Gates and the 2015 Zika Virus?</h3>One of the best examples of how this is not Gates’ first conspiracy virus rodeo would be that of the Zika virus.<br /><br /> In early 2015, a Zika outbreak raced across Brazil with 205,578 cases reported in 2016<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5800195/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This mosquito-spread disease is largely asymptomatic in an estimated 80% of infections and mildly feverish in the rest. However, it did cause severe birth defects<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2016/s0413-zika-microcephaly.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The Bill &amp; Melinda Gates Foundation responded by donating $750,000 to the CDC Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/2016/03/OPP1151548" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and backed the Oxitec project of releasing bacteria-infected mosquitoes into Brazil, spreading their own disease throughout that insect subspecies and limiting their ability to pass Zika to humans<a class="ref" href="https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/science/far-out-idea-backed-by-gates-could-help-stem-zika-epidemic/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> That’s all the theorists needed and, led by conspiracy YouTuber VM Granmisterio<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/user/VMGranmisterio/videos" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, they concluded that Bill Gates and Oxitec had developed a bioweapon as part of an ethnic cleansing program, one which would also stop people from breeding under the fear of birth defects<a class="ref" href="https://pdxscholar.library.pdx.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1021&amp;context=is_fac" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This was reportedly in hopes of reducing the Brazilian population, another component in this tale which we shall address shortly. <br /><br /> <h3>How Did Bill Gates Become the COVID Talking Point?</h3>As if bringing anti-vaxxers, Christians, Bill Gates-haters and general conspiracy theorists onto the same playing field wasn’t enough to birth the ripest conspiracy case ever, Gates himself made three additional moves which threw a stronger brand of petrol onto the fire.<br /><br /> The first was that Gates has been warning about a virus outbreak since at least 2010<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesnotes.com/Health/A-Better-Response-to-the-Next-Pandemic" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Some argue that a man wanting to control the world with a pandemic wouldn’t pre-warn us of its arrival. Others say that’s exactly what he would do if he intended to prepare us mentally for his plans, pushing us to easier accept the process. More on this later.<br /><br /> The second move was where the Bill &amp; Melinda Gates Foundation have committed at least $250 million<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gates-foundation-spending-additional-150-million-on-coronavirus-aid-2020-4?r=US&amp;IR=T" target="_blank">[ref]</a> in the fight against COVID-19. This ties into the theory of virus research monopolisation,&nbsp;another topic we will discuss later down the line.<br /><br /> The third and final move happened on the 18th of March 2020. Here, Gates opened an AMA (Ask Me Anything) thread on the relevant subreddit<a class="ref" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/comments/fksnbf/im_bill_gates_cochair_of_the_bill_melinda_gates/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, addressing any queries the public may have about, well, anything. When asked how to keep businesses functioning during times of social distancing, his response ended with: <br /><br /> <em>“Eventually we will have some <b>digital certificates</b> to show who has recovered or been tested recently or when we have a vaccine who has received it.”</em><a class="ref" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/comments/fksnbf/im_bill_gates_cochair_of_the_bill_melinda_gates/fkupg49/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br /><br /> Which leads us to...<br /><br /> <h3>What Links This to Global Microchipping?</h3>It took less than a day for the first article to expand this AMA response into the headline <i>“Bill Gates will use microchip implants to fight coronavirus”</i><a class="ref" href="https://biohackinfo.com/news-bill-gates-id2020-vaccine-implant-covid-19-digital-certificates/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. According to this piece, the “digital certificates” Gates was referring to are known as “quantum-dot tattoos” where microchips would be implanted via dissolvable sugar-based microneedles developed in part with a project called ID2020. This would grant Bill Gates greater control over the world like a mad Bond villain.<br /><br /> If we follow that article’s own source links<a class="ref" href="http://news.mit.edu/2019/storing-vaccine-history-skin-1218" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://stm.sciencemag.org/content/11/523/eaay7162" target="_blank">[ref]</a> we quickly discover that no microchip implants are mentioned. Rather, “quantum-dot tattoos” are patches that stick invisible dye patterns under the skin that can be scanned to give digital information such as <i>“this person has been vaccinated”</i>. These patterns reportedly last for five years and can be delivered with the vaccine on one patch. The technology was tested on rats and is yet to be used on humans. The MIT research for this was funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. <br /><br /> Defenders point out that one cannot track your location using ink and that it simply functions like a modern update to the smallpox scar, a simple piece of <i>yes-or-no</i> data, nothing else. Such a program would be additionally useful in developing countries where there is a severe lack of medical recording processes<a class="ref" href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/invisible-ink-could-reveal-whether-kids-have-been-vaccinated/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Although one could argue this is still the perfect avenue to slip a chip into someone without their knowledge.<br /><br /> Moving on to the aforementioned ID2020 company, and this is far more in tune with what an actual “digital certificate” is. Hint: it has nothing to do with quantum-dot tattoos or microchipping or even injections. This non-profit organisation has one goal: to provide identification for the billion+ people worldwide (such as those in developing countries or refugees) who have no form of identification. According to the ID2020 manifesto, individuals would have full control over their digital identities<a class="ref" href="https://id2020.org/manifesto" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which would be stored in a cloud environment using blockchain technology<a class="ref" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-sixty-million-refugee_b_13202004" target="_blank">[ref]</a> for privacy reasons. The company is backed in part by Microsoft<a class="ref" href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-microsoft-accenture-digitalid-idUSKBN19A22B" target="_blank">[ref]</a> but is not directly involved with Gates. It appears data would be collected using biometrics<a class="ref" href="https://www.biometricupdate.com/201909/id2020-and-partners-launch-program-to-provide-digital-id-with-vaccines" target="_blank">[ref]</a> such a fingerprints and iris scans. This notion is supported by ID2020’s partnership with Simprints<a class="ref" href="https://medium.com/id2020/the-id2020-alliance-is-thrilled-to-welcome-our-newest-partner-organization-simprints-a9e27d3b8a8c" target="_blank">[ref]</a> an open-source fingerprint system<a class="ref" href="https://www.simprints.com/solution" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. It is only fair to mention that Simprints was founded by students from the Gates-Cambridge Scholarships program who went on to win $210 million from the Gates Foundation in 2017<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatescambridge.org/news/simprints-wins-2m-innovation-prize" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Irrespective of the truth or lies, the once-obscure ID2020 is now on the map big time for all the wrong reasons, receiving such vicious threats from conspiracy theorists that they resorted to getting the FBI involved. This was reported by the New Humanitarian, which also receives funding from the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.thenewhumanitarian.org/news/2020/04/15/id2020-coronavirus-vaccine-misinformation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> The final piece of this crazy collection comes with Bill Gates’ praise<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesnotes.com/Health/A-coronavirus-AMA" target="_blank">[ref]</a> towards South Korea’s corona testing procedure and its very successful decline of infections. When someone tests positive in that country, their movements are traced back using a combination of smartphones, credit card usage and CCTV footage<a class="ref" href="https://www.brookings.edu/blog/techtank/2020/04/13/combating-covid-19-lessons-from-south-korea/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This info is then released publicly for other citizens to assess their movements near exposures<a class="ref" href="http://ncov.mohw.go.kr/bdBoardList_Real.do?brdId=1&amp;brdGubun=12&amp;ncvContSeq=&amp;contSeq=&amp;board_id=&amp;gubun=" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Once again, this brings Gates’ opinions of privacy into question, but it also makes the idea of implant tracking seem redundant. They can track you already if they so choose.<br /><br /> <h3>How Did These Theories Spread?</h3>Various mid-to-high profile players have helped to escalate this information early on. They include Trump’s buddy and conspiracy theorist, Alex Jones (more on him later); conspiracy theorist YouTuber James Corbett<a class="ref" href="https://www.corbettreport.com/?s=bill+gates" target="_blank">[ref]</a> (more on him later), anti-vaccine nephew of JFK, Robert Kennedy Jr<a class="ref" href="https://childrenshealthdefense.org/news/how-bill-gates-controls-global-messaging-and-censorship/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>; pro-Trump conservative political activist, Candace Owens (more on her later); White House correspondent for conservative website Newsmax, Emerald Robinson<a class="ref" href="https://www.facebook.com/saracunial.camera/posts/527425274602361" target="_blank">[ref]</a>; Italian politician and anti-vaxxer, Sara Cunial; Fox News host, Laura Ingraham<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/IngrahamAngle/status/1247528216434106369" target="_blank">[ref]</a>; osteopathic conspiracy theorist and anti-vaxxier, Rashid Buttar<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Rashid+Buttar&amp;page=&amp;utm_source=opensearch" target="_blank">[ref]</a>; and convicted political consultant, Roger Stone<a class="ref" href="https://nypost.com/2020/04/13/roger-stone-bill-gates-may-have-created-coronavirus-to-microchip-people/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Additional props to Florida Pastor Adam Fannin who seems to be making some of the most interesting noise by mashing all of the notes together, including those parallels with the antichrist, microchipping, and depopulation<a class="ref" href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90493469/why-bill-gates-is-the-focus-of-the-latest-coronavirus-conspiracy-theories" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. His video is close to two million views as I type this<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k9LE5az_iY" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Full disclosure that Adam Fannin owes much of his notoriety to that time he wished death upon comedian Sarah Silverman<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/status/1159562522036281344" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Combine the above clout with the flammable webs of conspiracy communities and we are now looking at 44% of Republicans who will refuse vaccinations under the belief that Bill Gates is trying to chip us (according to a Yahoo/YouGov poll<a class="ref" href="https://news.yahoo.com/new-yahoo-news-you-gov-poll-shows-coronavirus-conspiracy-theories-spreading-on-the-right-may-hamper-vaccine-efforts-152843610.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). <br /><br /> <h3>So... Did Bill Gates Engineer the Virus or What?</h3>This theory is so wild that it is as difficult to disprove as it is to prove. The evidence trail is empty whichever way you look and it feels like the furthest leap one could make with their eyes closed.<br /><br /> Speculators claim that Gates knew about the coronavirus years beforehand because (1) he registered a coronavirus patent before the outbreak; and (2) he hosted a coronavirus simulation before the outbreak<a class="ref" href="https://infotagion.com/factcheck-did-bill-gates-create-the-coronavirus/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. We will address both of these suggestions shortly.<br /><br /> The official cause of COVID-19 is currently unidentified but experts are relatively convinced that it started at the Chinese wet market in Wuhan known as Huanan Seafood Wholesale Market. This is because several of the earliest patients had visited this area<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7118693/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which has been called “unsanitary” by Time magazine<a class="ref" href="https://time.com/5769323/wuhan-coronavirus-outbreak/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> due to its confined space shared with live and dead animals. The virus appears similar to those that originate in pangolin<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7156161/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and bats<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7121143/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> (the latter of which is the more common conclusion). Of the 585 environmental samples collected from the market, 33 were found to have traces of the virus according to the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention<a class="ref" href="http://www.xinhuanet.com/english/2020-01/27/c_138735677.htm" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> <h3>Did Bill Gates Know About COVID-19 Before It Happened?</h3>Bill Gates has warned about a global pandemic for close to a decade now<a class="ref" href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90478593/all-the-times-bill-gates-has-warned-us-about-a-deadly-pandemic" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Arguably his most discussed commentary came with his 2015 TED Talk titled <i>“The next outbreak? We’re not ready”</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Af6b_wyiwI" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Gates' supporters use this as evidence against the conspiracies, asking why a man would prewarn us if he intended to inflict a virus on society. The anti-Gates crowd argue that he was softening us to the idea, allowing him to proceed with his plans under the guise of a hero. Both debates have merit but, in truth, Gates was not the first to predict an outbreak in any fashion.<br /><br /> A year before that TED Talk, then-President Obama warned about the lack of preparation we had against such a pademnic<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBVAnaHxHbM" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> American molecular biologist, Joshua Lederberg, was quoted saying <i>“The single biggest threat to man’s continued dominance on the planet is the virus” </i>in 1988<a class="ref" href="https://www.nationalgeographic.co.uk/science-and-technology/2020/04/experts-warned-of-pandemic-decades-ago-why-werent-we-ready" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This was used to open the 1995 film <i>Outbreak</i><a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outbreak_(film)" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which dealt with similar scenarios.<br /><br /> In fact, Hollywood has been in tune with this idea for longer than any of us<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Films_about_viral_outbreaks" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <i>12 Monkeys</i> (1995), <i>Contagion</i> (2011), and just about every zombie flick ever made now seem so obvious in hindsight as cautionary tales about the devastating effects of viruses. <i>The Hot Zone</i> miniseries about a deadly outbreak of Ebola was released mere months before the first documented case of COVID-19<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hot_Zone_(miniseries)" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and itself was based on the 1994 nonfiction book by Richard Preston<a class="ref" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16213.The_Hot_Zone" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. David Quammen 2013 book <i>Spillover: Animal Infections and the Next Human Pandemic</i> warned about wild animals passing destructive diseases to humans<a class="ref" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17573681-spillover" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Laurie Garrett’s 1995 book <i>The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance</i> warned about taking action to avoid further outbreaks<a class="ref" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46722.The_Coming_Plague" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The goal of the 2008 <i>Pandemic</i> board game is to stop diseases from wiping out regions<a class="ref" href="Pandemic board game" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Quick side note: rumours that Netflix’s 2020 documentary series <i>Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak</i> was funded by Gates are wholly unfounded. That said, Gates did personally recommend the series on his blog<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesnotes.com/About-Bill-Gates/Summer-Books-2020" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> The alarm bells about global viral infections have been going off for years. Bill Gates’ 2015 Ted Talk was speaking about a general epidemic based on the Ebola problem from one year previous, an outbreak his charity was heavily involved with, committing $50 million to the United Nations to help with supplies<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-29145497" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Furthermore, Bill Gates’ TED Talk predicted that the outbreak would start and spread through underdeveloped countries, which was not the case for corona<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71R8cj1_z6M" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. In summary, there is no evidence backing that Bill Gates predicted COVID-19 specifically.<br /><br /> <h3>But What About the COVID-19 Patent Owned by Bill Gates?</h3>What’s crucial to understand is that coronavirus is a collective term for a group of viruses known to cause disease in birds and mammals. The word “coronavirus” was first published in 1931<a class="ref" href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/1588476?origin=crossref&amp;seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is a coronavirus, and COVID-19 is caused by SARS-CoV-2. <br /><br /> A patent was filed for coronavirus (not COVID-19) in 2015 by the Pirbright Institute<a class="ref" href="https://patents.justia.com/patent/10130701" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. By reading this document, you will notice the term “avian infectious bronchitis virus” (IBV) crops up a lot. IBV is a weaker coronavirus that affects birds<a class="ref" href="https://patents.justia.com/patent/10130701" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This patent was about using reverse genetics on an embryonated bird egg. But when you find out that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation awarded $5.5 million to the institute in 2019<a class="ref" href="https://www.pirbright.ac.uk/news/2019/11/bill-melinda-gates-foundation-funds-development-pirbright%E2%80%99s-livestock-antibody-hub" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, then the flames rise (even though this happened long after the patent was registered).<br /><br /> Most likely due to these rumours, the Pirbright Institute has gone on record stating that they receive funds from many other sources and the Gates Foundation did not back that specific patent<a class="ref" href="https://www.pirbright.ac.uk/news/2020/01/pirbright%E2%80%99s-livestock-coronavirus-research-%E2%80%93-your-questions-answered" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The online document itself even comes with a disclaimer at the top informing the public that this is not a COVID-19 nor even a human-related patent<a class="ref" href="https://patents.justia.com/patent/10130701" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> In conclusion: A scientific research company who owns a patent about a coronavirus that isn’t COVID-19 and primarily infects birds did receive money from Bill Gates’ charity after the fact. Less of a ring to it though, right? <br /><br /> <h3>Did Bill Gates Run a COVID-19 Simulation Before the Outbreak?</h3>The more you research this conspiracy, the more the name Alex Jones keeps cropping up over and over again. <br /><br /> Alex Jones is the owner of the notorious conspiracy theorist website InfoWars<a class="ref" href="https://www.infowars.com/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. For an interesting yet certainly one-sided view on the man, check out this video where Hilary Clinton used Jones’ relationship with Trump to assist her 2016 presidential campaign<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/787748100324503552" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Regardless, it seems whichever corona direction you turn, this guy is ready to cash-in on the action, be it from encouraging crowds to chant <i>“arrest Bill Gates”</i> at protests<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/may/10/ten-arrested-and-police-officer-injured-at-protest-against-victorias-covid-19-lockdown-laws#maincontent" target="_blank">[ref]</a> while selling “coronavirus cures" such as gel and toothpaste (which the FDA have warned him to stop doing<a class="ref" href="https://www.fda.gov/inspections-compliance-enforcement-and-criminal-investigations/warning-letters/free-speech-systems-llc-dba-infowarscom-605802-04092020" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /> Nevertheless, Jones’ crowning achievement was “exposing” a simulation that the Gates Foundation ran in October 2019 during what was known as Event 201<a class="ref" href="https://www.infowars.com/bill-and-melinda-gates-foundation-others-predicted-up-to-65-million-deaths-via-coronavirus-in-simulation-ran-3-months-ago/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. In this tabletop exercise, participants worked to stop the spread of a hypothetical virus and ultimately ended with 65 million hypothetical people dead within 18 months. <br /><br /> This has worked as a strong component of the conspiracy theory. Part of the reason why is that Event 201 did happen just as described above<a class="ref" href="https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/event201/about" target="_blank">[ref]</a> as a collaboration between The Gates Foundation and The Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security. We should note that Johns Hopkins University receives funding from the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/Media-Center/Press-Releases/1999/05/Johns-Hopkins-University-School-of-Public-Health" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> The Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security responded to the allegations by once again highlighting the broadness of the “coronavirus” term whilst noting that there were severe differences between their fictional coronavirus and COVID-19<a class="ref" href="https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/news/center-news/2020-01-24-Statement-of-Clarification-Event201.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/event201/scenario.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Furthermore, the Johns Hopkins Center has been running similar exercises for close to a decade now, for example, their 2001 and 2005 simulations hypothesising around a smallpox terrorism attack on the United States<a class="ref" href="https://academic.oup.com/cid/article/34/7/972/316999" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/our-work/events-archive/2005_atlantic_storm/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> <h3>Is Bill Gates a Satanic Paedophile?</h3>For those who like their plots extra dank, here we are.<br /><br /> The rumours appear to have started with the far-right conspiracy theory group behind QAnon. Initiated by a single 4chan poster in 2017, their premise is that Donald Trump has saved the world from assorted Satanic paedophile leaders. This rabbit hole goes deep in the opposite direction, so I must leave you to look at that one yourself. Wikipedia’s article appears fairly thorough to me<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QAnon" target="_blank">[ref]</a> as does this article in New York Magazine<a class="ref" href="https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2017/12/qanon-4chan-the-storm-conspiracy-explained.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> According to some of these threads, Bill Gates created the virus as a desperate move to finally stop Trump<a class="ref" href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanhatesthis/qanon-supporters-and-anti-vaxxers-are-spreading-a-hoax-that" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. A lot of this cited evidence weighs upon the Pirbright patent we looked at earlier. <br /><br /> As for the “child sex slave ring,” these are not without some merit and are based on several suspicious factors. There were definite connections between Gates and infamous sex-offender Jeffrey Epstein<a class="ref" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/12/business/jeffrey-epstein-bill-gates.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Gates once flew on Epstein's plane from Teterboro Airport in New Jersey to Palm Beach<a class="ref" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7377133/Bill-Gates-REFUSES-reveal-flew-Lolita-Express-Jeffrey-Epstein-prison-release.html?ito=amp_twitter_share-top" target="_blank">[ref]</a> (but never Epstein’s island, contrary to some reports).&nbsp;This has been proven with the release of an official flight manifesto<a class="ref" href="https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/1507315-epstein-flight-manifests.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Furthermore, an engineer working at Gate’s mansion named Rick Allen Jones was arrested for child pornography in 2014<a class="ref" href="https://www.kiro7.com/news/man-arrested-bill-gates-estate-reportedly-trading-/43531857/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, a case which has appeared to vanish<a class="ref" href="http://techrights.org/2020/04/20/rick-allen-jones-finer-details/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> leading theories of Gate’s involvement. I do not write this off but I also struggle to find any reputable information about Rick Allen Jones, not a photo nor any web presence whatsoever. <br /><br /> Another hugely incriminating headline reads <i>“Bill Gates Sued For Forcing Staff To Watch Child Rape And Murder”</i><a class="ref" href="https://newspunch.com/bill-gates-sued-staff-child-rape/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>&nbsp;which is crazy misleading. This is about moderators doing their job by flagging inappropriate user-generated content. The filed complaint states that they did not receive adequate psychological support for the task at hand<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/jan/11/microsoft-employees-child-abuse-lawsuit-ptsd" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> The “Satanic” aspect more than likely ties to the Antichrist parallels that we have also already covered above.<br /><br /> <h3>Is Bill Gates Monopolising the Health Industry?</h3>Of all the weird and wonderful conspiracy points on our windy trail, very few stand the test as well as this suggestion.<br /><br />The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation freely unloads stacks of cash in every medical direction. According to The Guardian, the foundation has granted $3 billion every year to the industry with a total of $32.9 billion by 2015<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/16/what-is-the-bill-and-melinda-gates-foundation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This very article of mine has already mentioned many without even scratching the far-reaching surface. <br /><br /> It’s got to the point that you can click the investor/sponsorship button on just about any renowned health organisation's website, and you will likely read the foundation’s name there. You can find an extensive searchable database of these fundings on their website<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The list of recipients is understandably too long to delve into here but does include many very admirable causes. However, for the sake of this article, we will be focusing on two specific organisations that slot in with the conspiracy narrative: GAVI and WHO. <br /><br /> <h3>Who Are GAVI?</h3>GAVI (Global Alliance for Vaccines and Immunization) is a worldwide health partnership aiming to get vaccines to poor countries. Bill Gates helped the founding of this alliance and has given crazy money to their cause with around $4.1 billion to date<a class="ref" href="https://www.gavi.org/investing-gavi/funding/donor-profiles/bill-melinda-gates-foundation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The GAVI name appears in the top 12 list of highest Gates donations five times<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database#q/sort=amount" target="_blank">[ref]</a> including the Gates’ biggest donation to date with $1,543,757,800 in 2016<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/2016/01/OPP1131658" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Despite saving a projected 13.4 million lives<a class="ref" href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0264410X12016283" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, GAVI’s business tactics have come under some serious questioning. They have been accused of not supporting local healthcare systems as well as older vaccines by always pursuing newer, better, and more expensive options, meaning higher profits for investors<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/jan/16/medicalscience.highereducation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. One example of this is when Doctors Without Borders (Médecins Sans Frontières - MSF) appealed to GAVI to use cheaper pneumonia vaccines developed in India rather than Pfizer/GlaxoSmithKline as those pharma-giants were swallowing up 80% of that project's financing<a class="ref" href="https://www.msf.org/gavi-must-work-ensure-more-children-get-new-more-affordable-pneumonia-vaccine" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. As GAVI is privately funded, this also raises concerns over individual motives. <br /><br /> According to an article from the Guardian, GAVI has defended themselves by stating <i>“GAVI wants to encourage the pharmaceutical industry to develop new vaccines for killer diseases in developing countries. Industry would not invest in those diseases unless there was a potential market”</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/jan/16/medicalscience.highereducation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Regardless, it’s clear to see that in the world of vaccine domination, GAVI and Gates consider it a business. <br /><br /> <h3>Who Are WHO?</h3>WHO (the World Health Organization) is a United Nations agency responsible for international health. Trump recently announced the termination of all US funding to WHO<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52857413" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which leaves the Gates Foundation as their biggest contributor<a class="ref" href="http://open.who.int/2018-19/contributors/contributor?%20Melinda%20Gates%20Foundation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. WHO plays a crucial role in coordinating international responses to diseases and COVID-19 is no exception. For example, it was WHO that declared this coronavirus outbreak to be a pandemic<a class="ref" href="https://www.livescience.com/coronavirus-pandemic-who.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. WHO has also been working with many social media platforms (such as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube) to flag or even erase misinformation<a class="ref" href="https://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory/facebook-warn-users-coronavirus-hoaxes-70181543" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. While some praise this work, others worry about how much power this gives WHO and, in turn, the Gates Foundation. <br /><br /> <h3>Does Gates Control the Media?</h3>Control is a strong word but as a video from the conspiracy theory YouTube channel The Corbett Report<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQSYdAX_9JY" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.helleniscope.com/2020/05/12/who-is-bill-gates-his-plans-to-monopolize-global-health-and-vaccinate-the-world" target="_blank">[ref]</a> accurately points out, he does sponsor a lot of money towards news sources. These include $1,4 million to the BBC<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/2016/11/OPP1161829" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, $1.5 million to the ABC<a class="ref" href="https://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/06/gates-foundation-backs-abc-news-project" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, and $3 million to NPR<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/2018/10/OPP1180191" target="_blank">[ref]</a> as well as standing as the primary supporter of The Guardian website<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2010/sep/14/about-this-site" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and Our World in Data<a class="ref" href="https://ourworldindata.org/supporters" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>What Does This All Meaaaaan?</h3>It completely depends on how you want to look on it.<br /><br /> On the one hand, the Gates Foundation has an absurd amount of wealth and could be gifting a decent portion of it to genuinely support organisations that they feel are doing good work. After all, programs like GAVI are saving lives (as we see above and more on this later). Plus, the Gates Foundation’s searchable grant database is transparent with its reasoning behind each and every donation<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> On the other hand, the funding could apply pressure. We are looking at a situation where the research data, the international coordination, and the media reporting (including user-driven social media content) are all running on Gates’ pocket, meaning that if he does have an agenda, it wouldn’t be too difficult to nudge the entire health industry in his direction. The concern multiples when you remember we are dealing with a man famous for monopolising industries already<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_v._Microsoft_Corp." target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Of course, there are other factors. Considering the sheer amount of organisations that the Gates fund, how many people would have to keep quiet if blatant manipulation was going on? How far would the blurry line of objectivity have to get molested before professional integrity kicked in for at least some of those involved? If Bill Gates truly had sinister motives, why is he so eager to put his name on everything? And as these conspiracy theories continue to gain momentum, is the Gates Foundation and its reputation becoming more of a kiss of death? Will there come a time where well-meaning organisations refuse sponsorship due to reputation? And will this rejection of funding costs lives? I dunno.<br /><br /> <h3>How Can Bill Gates Make Medical Statements Without a Medical Degree?</h3>If there is any scary premise you can freely ignore, this would be it. No, Bill Gates does not have a medical degree. But he has hired many many advisors who do, including an entire medical research institute<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesmri.org/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> to pass on relevant information. Do you have a medical degree?<br /><br /> <h3>The Billion Dollar Question: Will Bill Gates Gain or Lose Money From COVID-19?</h3>It’s a difficult query with no definitive answer but we can break it down into smaller variables.<br /><br /> Before It’s News (a website which currently boasts a 0/100 trustworthy score according to News Guard<a class="ref" href="https://www.newsguardtech.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/BeforeItsNews.com-label.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>) posted a viral article<a class="ref" href="https://beforeitsnews.com/politics/2020/04/breaking-bill-gates-foundation-and-the-covid-19-vaccine-network-scandal-3183847.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> featuring a video by Zed Phoenix<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkzDQAeKcIU" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Together, they stated that the Gates Foundation stood to gain £45 billion from the vaccine in the UK alone. This figure was based on the price of £477 per injection which was reported by the Daily Mail and the Daily Mail only<a class="ref" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8123691/With-estimated-477-injection-potentially-billions-coronavirus-jab.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which, as a resource, is notoriously problematic anyway<a class="ref" href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/daily-mail-banned-from-wikipedia_uk_589c3e13e4b07685621810f8" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Regardless, the Daily Mail prematurely crowned the biotech company Moderna as the vaccine kings, which comes with many puzzles in itself. First of all, Moderna's COVID work has not reported any funding from the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.modernatx.com/modernas-work-potential-vaccine-against-covid-19" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.&nbsp;The U.S. Government Agency BARDA is looking after them<a class="ref" href="https://investors.modernatx.com/news-releases/news-release-details/moderna-announces-award-us-government-agency-barda-483-million" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Moderna also told Business Insider that their vaccine would not be priced more than other respiratory vaccines which could be ballpark-estimated to around $200 per shot<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/moderna-ceo-stephane-bancel-interview-coronavirus-vaccine-price-2020-3?r=US&amp;IR=T" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Profit does not take into account how much each shot will cost to manufacture as well as the fact that the vaccine does not even fucking exist yet.<br /><br /> Nevertheless, the race for financial gain with a COVID-19 patent is very real in the pharmaceutical industry<a class="ref" href="https://theintercept.com/2020/03/13/big-pharma-drug-pricing-coronavirus-profits/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://greenworld.org.uk/article/patented-covid-19-vaccine-could-price-out-millions" target="_blank">[ref]</a> but there is a fight to prevent this. Trump received a letter from 46 Congressional Democrats urging the refusal of any private ownership of the future vaccine<a class="ref" href="https://meng.house.gov/sites/meng.house.gov/files/coronavirus%20letter.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The EU is proposing a pooling arrangement<a class="ref" href="https://www.statnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/EU-Proposal-for-a-WHA73-Resolution-on-the-COVID-19-Response.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> where information and patents will be shared to ensure lower prices and wide availability. In an open letter curated by UNAID and Oxfam (which was signed by over 140 world leaders and experts) demanded that all treatments be patent-free and available to everyone everywhere<a class="ref" href="https://oi-files-d8-prod.s3.eu-west-2.amazonaws.com/s3fs-public/2020-05/ENGLISH--Uniting-Behind-a-Peoples-Vaccine-AgainstCOVID-19-1305201720.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> But perhaps most interesting of all, is the World Health Organisation’s stance on the matter. On the 24th of April 2020, they released the Access to COVID-19 Tools (ACT) Accelerator<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/access-to-covid-19-tools-(act)-accelerator-call-to-action-24april2020.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which is aimed to make COVID-19 treatments available worldwide with a patent pool<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/news-room/detail/29-05-2020-international-community-rallies-to-support-open-research-and-science-to-fight-covid-19" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. And what’s more, the launch itself was co-hosted by Bill and Melinda Gates<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/dg/speeches/detail/who-director-general-s-opening-remarks-at-the-launch-of-the-access-to-covid-19-tools-accelerator" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. To simplify: Gates is fighting for a globally accessible vaccine, free of privatisation. Some might consider this the death blow to the entire profiteering conspiracy. <br /><br /> Whether this comes to pass or not is another story but, if so, Bill Gates is looking to lose money from the pandemic. A lot of money. Figures include the initial $100 million donated in February 2020<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/Media-Center/Press-Releases/2020/02/Bill-and-Melinda-Gates-Foundation-Dedicates-Additional-Funding-to-the-Novel-Coronavirus-Response" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, the $150 million to WHO in hopes of balancing the US withdrawal<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gates-foundation-spending-additional-150-million-on-coronavirus-aid-2020-4?r=US&amp;IR=T" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, and further billions reported to fund seven vaccine factories<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/bill-gates-factories-7-different-vaccines-to-fight-coronavirus-2020-4?r=US&amp;IR=T" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Please Note: According to Americans for Tax Fairness, Bill Gates has, in fact, increased his wealth by 8.2% between March and May 2020, but this is unrelated to the outbreak<a class="ref" href="https://americansfortaxfairness.org/wp-content/uploads/2020-5-21-Billionaires-Press-Release-at-Two-month-Covid-Pandemic-FINAL.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>Did Bill Gates Say He Wanted to Reduce the Population?</h3>This bit of excitement started on January 1st 2016 with an article on Your News Wire (now known as NewsPunch, one of the most debunked websites on the internet<a class="ref" href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/craigsilverman/these-are-50-of-the-biggest-fake-news-hits-on-facebook-in" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). The article was titled <i>"Bill Gates Admits Vaccines Are Best Way To Depopulate”</i><a class="ref" href="http://archive.is/fqvuk#selection-515.1-515.56" target="_blank">[ref]</a> based on a 2011 interview with CNN’s Sanjay Gupta. Here, Bill Gates stated that vaccines gave the chance to reduce sickness and therefore reduce population growth<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?t&amp;v=_GztDgpDy6k" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. There was also a 2010 Ted Talk where Bill Gates spoke about carbon emission, stating that vaccines could lower our population by 10 - 15% (it's around the 4:30 mark<a class="ref" href="https://www.ted.com/talks/bill_gates_innovating_to_zero" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). These soundbites were enough to convince people that Gates had a plan to create a vaccine that either killed humans or reduced fertility, most likely aimed at developing countries for some ethnic cleansing reason (which we’ll discuss shortly). <br /><br /> What’s interesting is that NewsPunch has since completely backtracked on the article<a class="ref" href="https://newspunch.com/bill-gates-admits-vaccines-are-best-way-to-depopulate/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> In truth, the concept Gates was referring to was this: the smaller the death rate of children, the smaller the chance parents will over-reproduce in hopes of survival. He's made this abundantly clear on several occasions<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozlbeXrb_5A" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llAG5V7x17A" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> A different tangent of interest is the design of an implantable birth-control microchip developed by MIT and funded by the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="http://news.mit.edu/2015/implantable-drug-delivery-microchip-device-0629" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://nationalpost.com/news/bill-gates-funds-birth-control-microchip-that-lasts-16-years-inside-the-body-and-can-be-turned-on-or-off-with-remote-control" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. With this, users could turn on and off their fertility at will. This would almost seem like a good idea if we weren’t talking about Gates and microchips again, eek! <br /><br /> <h3>Is Bill Gates Using Africa As His Vaccination Guinea Pigs?</h3>The distrust between Africa and Western medicine is complicated but if you’d like to explore the full length of it, Type Investigations has one of the most thorough articles that I’ve found on the matter<a class="ref" href="https://www.typeinvestigations.org/investigation/2020/05/12/the-long-strange-history-of-bill-gates-population-control-conspiracy-theories" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. If you do so, pay attention to the history between the Gates Foundation and Ghana<a class="ref" href="https://psmag.com/magazine/new-war-on-birth-control" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> What matters in context is that tensions were already high. But when it comes to Bill Gates and COVID-19 specifically, the stories appear to take higher flight on March 27 2020 with a Facebook post from acclaimed but controversial French microbiologist Dr Didier Raoult<a class="ref" href="https://perma.cc/A5XV-EA73" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="http://archive.vn/TIm0g" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The post questioned Bill Gates’ supposed decisions to test Africa with vaccinations then warned the continent to refuse any of the treatments. However, the text was plagued with spelling errors and some grew suspicious until Check News, a French-fact checking organisation, got hold of Raoult’s place of work where the story was confirmed as false<a class="ref" href="https://www.liberation.fr/checknews/2020/03/30/non-didier-raoult-n-a-pas-appele-les-africains-a-ne-pas-prendre-le-vaccin-de-bill-gates-contre-le-co_1783559" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Unfortunately, the damage was done and the hoax caused all kinds of trouble. South African media outlet News24 published an article perpetuating the claims but have since issued an apology and an investigation into how that got onto their site<a class="ref" href="https://www.news24.com/news24/southafrica/news/apology-to-the-bill-and-melinda-gates-foundation-for-africa-vaccine-story-20200405" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Video bloggers Diamond and Silk joined the bandwagon<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/JasonSCampbell/status/1250520971385155589" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and were then fired from Fox News (according to The Daily Beast<a class="ref" href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/fox-news-cuts-ties-with-diamond-and-silk?via=twitter_page" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). A White House petition demanded an investigation into Gates’ “crimes against humanity”<a class="ref" href="https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/we-call-investigations-bill-melinda-gates-foundation-medical-malpractice-crimes-against-humanity" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. And the South African comedian Trevor Noah received death threats after interviewing Gates<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/Trevornoah/status/1246864878775795713" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Things slipped deeper in early April where a debate featuring French doctors Jean Paul Mira (head of intensive care at Cochin hospital) and Camille Locht (head of research at the Inserm health research group) discussed potential vaccination experimentation in Africa<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-52151722" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This essentially had nothing to do with anything but served to intensify the anxiety. <br /><br /> Speaking to The Cable, Mark Suzman (CEO of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation) explained that these two doctors had nothing to do with their work and assured everyone that they are against using Africa as a guinea pig nation<a class="ref" href="https://www.thecable.ng/gates-foundation-were-against-using-africans-as-guinea-pigs-for-testing-covid-19-vaccines" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The World Health Organisation called the doctors “racist” and went on record that <i>"Africa can't and won't be a testing ground for any vaccine"</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-52192184" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. President of South Africa, Cyril Ramaphosa, tweeted his support for Bill Gates and thanked him for his medical support over the many years<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/CyrilRamaphosa/status/1246452035022700548" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>What About Candace Owens and Sharmeen Ahmed?</h3>When it comes to this avenue of the conspiracy, no name appears to have spoken louder than that of Candace Owens. A highly controversial political activist, she is known for her stances that are pro-Trump<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/RealCandaceO/status/986066422399774720" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, anti-#metoo<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/RealCandaceO/status/1006278364708077569" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, and anti-the Black Lives Matter protests<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/RealCandaceO/status/987450257159077888" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Due to her opinions on gun control and Islam, she was named the main influence behind the Christchurch mosque shootings in New Zealand by the shooter himself<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/candace-owens-manifesto-new-zealand-mosque-terror-2019-3?r=US&amp;IR=T-bill-gates-contre-le-co_1783559" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> On April 15th 2020, she accused Bill Gates and WHO for testing vaccines in Africa and India for years via Facebook<a class="ref" href="https://www.facebook.com/realCandaceOwens/posts/3655805241157317" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and Twitter<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/RealCandaceO/status/1250490791258177541" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. To support her claims, she provided a paper by Sharmeen Ahmed published by the Golden Gate University School of Law<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/RealCandaceO/status/1250474036234203136" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://digitalcommons.law.ggu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1205&amp;context=annlsurvey" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This paper appears to mainly attack three specific vaccination programs (HPV, malaria, and meningitis) run by nonprofit health organisation PATH (Program for Appropriate Technology in Health) which took place in India and Africa. This report has come under heavy scrutiny<a class="ref" href="https://quillette.com/2020/04/20/candace-owens-is-dangerously-misinformed-about-vaccines/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://factcheck.thedispatch.com/p/did-bill-gates-test-unapproved-vaccines" target="_blank">[ref]</a> but let’s analyse the content for ourselves. <br /><br /> <h3>Did HPV Vaccinations Kill Children in India?</h3>This is a biggie often quoted by opposers from all backgrounds.<br /><br /> In 2010, a PATH project was set up to reduce HPV infections for countries such as Peru, Uganda, Vietnam, and India. It was funded by the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/immunization/sage/HPV_partner_info_gates.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. India was a major focus here due to the country's yearly 60,000+ women who die from cervical cancer following HPV infection<a class="ref" href="https://hpvcentre.net/statistics/reports/IND_FS.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. PATH vaccinated around 23,500 females<a class="ref" href="https://www.path.org/media-center/update-paths-hpv-vaccine-project-in-india/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> but the project was halted after news reports claimed seven girls had died from the treatment<a class="ref" href="https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2013/09/indian-parliament-comes-down-hard-cervical-cancer-trial" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Investigations proved that these deaths were unrelated to the vaccine. Instead, they were caused by factors such as epilepsy, malaria, a snake bite, and two suicides<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6180758/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2013/09/indian-parliament-comes-down-hard-cervical-cancer-trial" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The reason why this seems logical is because the vaccines used (Gardasil and Cervarix<a class="ref" href="http://164.100.47.5/newcommittee/reports/EnglishCommittees/Committee%20on%20Health%20and%20Family%20Welfare/72.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>) are not new drugs and have been administered worldwide over 200 million times<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/vaccine_safety/committee/GACVS_HPV_statement_17Dec2015.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The notion that these were untested vaccines has also been debunked as Gardasil was first FDA approved 2006<a class="ref" href="https://www.fda.gov/files/vaccines,%20blood%20&amp;%20biologics/published/Package-Insert---Gardasil.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> while Cervarix was approved in 2009<a class="ref" href="http://wayback.archive-it.org/7993/20170723025640/https://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVaccines/Vaccines/ApprovedProducts/ucm186959.htm" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> The Indian Parliament’s Standing Committee on Health and Family performed an investigation of their own<a class="ref" href="http://164.100.47.5/newcommittee/reports/EnglishCommittees/Committee%20on%20Health%20and%20Family%20Welfare/72.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and had some interesting speculations (for example, that the vaccinations may have led to suicidal tendencies). In the end, they ultimately ruled that they could not find any connections. However, consent forms were determined to be incorrectly filled out which local newspaper The Hindu called “shockingly unethical”<a class="ref" href="https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/editorial/a-shockingly-unethical-trial/article2021657.ece" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Both PATH and the Gates Foundation continue to work in India<a class="ref" href="https://www.path.org/where-we-work/india/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/where-we-work/india-office" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> A large theme throughout Sharmeen Ahmed’s paper is one of depopulation which we discussed earlier. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are no links between HPV vaccinations and infertility<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/hpv/parents/vaccinesafety.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>Did Malaria Vaccinations Kill Children in Africa?</h3>Another biggie concerns PATH’s 2010 Malaria Vaccine Initiative. Here they used a vaccine by GlaxoSmithKline across seven African countries while receiving a grant from the Gates Foundation<a class="ref" href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1102287" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Ahmed’s paper hinted that of the 15,000+ children inoculated during phase three of the trial, 150 died as a direct result of the vaccine<a class="ref" href="https://digitalcommons.law.ggu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1205&amp;context=annlsurvey" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This statement loses all credibility when you learn that the number includes <i>all</i> deaths after the vaccine within an 18-to-24-month timeframe for the older category, and a 9-to-17-month timeframe for the younger category<a class="ref" href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1102287" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The list of deaths was always open to the public<a class="ref" href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/suppl/10.1056/NEJMoa1102287/suppl_file/nejmoa1102287_appendix.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and includes causes such as HIV and drowning. 10 deaths were from malaria itself, which was considered low for the area<a class="ref" href="https://www.nhs.uk/news/medication/malaria-vaccine-trialled/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. According to The Dispatch Fact Check, none of these deaths were related to the vaccine<a class="ref" href="https://factcheck.thedispatch.com/p/did-bill-gates-test-unapproved-vaccines" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Similarly, Ahmed claimed that 1,048 of the children suffered “serious adverse effects, including paralysis and seizure”<a class="ref" href="https://digitalcommons.law.ggu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1205&amp;context=annlsurvey" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. That is incorrect. According to the very same study that Ahmed cites as her reference<a class="ref" href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/10.1056/NEJMoa1102287" target="_blank">[ref]</a> only 11 children experienced adverse events (keyword) directly related to the vaccine and the term “paralysis” is nowhere to be found. You can read the full list of adverse events here<a class="ref" href="https://www.nejm.org/na101/home/literatum/publisher/mms/journals/content/nejm/2011/nejm_2011.365.issue-20/nejmoa1102287/20130404/images/img_xlarge/nejmoa1102287_t3.jpeg" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> With a 30–50% efficacy<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5612527/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, these trials were considered a massive success, potentially saving millions of lives, no ethical concerns were raised, and the program continues to move forward to this day<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/malaria/media/malaria-vaccine-implementation-qa/en/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> <h3>Did Meningitis Vaccinations Kill Children in Africa?</h3>Sharmeen Ahmed’s mention of PATH’s Meningitis Vaccine Project is so brief, it’s hardly worth going into. Known as MenAfriVac, the Bill &amp; Melinda Gates Foundation donated a ten-year, $70 million grant to establish the project in 2001<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/Media-Center/Press-Releases/2001/05/Meningitis-in-SubSaharan-Africa" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Costing around US$0.40 a dose<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2007/pr28/en/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and completely eradicating meningitis in 16 countries by 2018<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6370001/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> the project could not have been a bigger success. Even Ahmed struggles to negate the achievement, claiming <i>“there were reports of informed consent violations”</i> but <i>“these were unsubstantiated”</i> and <i>“there were reports of adverse health effects in Burkina Faso, but these were deemed by medical researchers as normal and did not warrant safety concerns”</i><a class="ref" href="https://digitalcommons.law.ggu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1205&amp;context=annlsurvey" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> There were four adverse vaccine-related side effects in Burkina Faso. That's one per three million vaccinated<a class="ref" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22230584/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This was not a trial run either as the vaccine was already approved<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/medicines/areas/quality_safety/regulation_legislation/icdra/WD-1_vaccine_BurkinaFaso.pdf?ua=1" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Nobody died. People would have died but now they live.<br /><br /> <h3>Who Is Currently Leading the Vaccine Race? Who Does Bill Gates Sponsor?</h3>According to the man himself, there are 115 COVID-19 vaccine candidates as of April 2020<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesnotes.com/Health/What-you-need-to-know-about-the-COVID-19-vaccine?WT.mc_id=20200430165003_COVID-19-vaccine_BG-TW&amp;WT.tsrc=BGTW&amp;linkId=87665522" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Due to this, my information is certainly going to go out of date embarrassingly quickly, but at the time of writing (early June 2020), these are the main players who are already reaching the trial phase of the process:<br /><br /><b> CanSino Biologics</b><br />Where: China<br />What: Ad5-nCoV<a class="ref" href="https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/the-national-research-council-of-canada-and-cansino-biologics-inc-announce-collaboration-to-advance-vaccine-against-covid-19-816213726.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br />Human clinical trials have begun, the first vaccine to enter this phase<a class="ref" href="https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04341389" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />The Gates Foundation has invested money towards previous vaccine research (at least $400,000<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/2020/04/INV-005838" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /><b> University of Oxford</b><br />Where: UK<br />What: ChAdOx1 nCoV-19<a class="ref" href="http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2020-05-22-oxford-covid-19-vaccine-begin-phase-iiiii-human-trials" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br />Already recruited for human clinical trials phase<a class="ref" href="http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2020-05-22-oxford-covid-19-vaccine-begin-phase-iiiii-human-trials" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />The Gates Foundation has invested money towards this vaccine research (at least $7.5 million<a class="ref" href="https://www.researchprofessionalnews.com/rr-news-uk-innovation-2020-3-university-of-oxford-wins-grant-for-drug-trial-to-prevent-covid-19/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /><b> Moderna</b><br />Where: USA<br />What: mRNA-1273<a class="ref" href="https://investors.modernatx.com/news-releases/news-release-details/moderna-announces-positive-interim-phase-1-data-its-mrna-vaccine" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br />Announcing first participants<a class="ref" href="https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20200529005628/en/Moderna-Announces-Participants-Age-Cohort-Dosed-Phase" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />There has been no findable funding from The Gates Foundation towards this vaccine.<br />The Trump Administration has invested money towards this vaccine research (at least $483 million<a class="ref" href="https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/01/us/coronavirus-moderna-vaccine-invs/index.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /><b> BioNTech/Pfizer</b><br />Where: Germany/USA<br />What: BNT162 (a1, b1, b2, c2)<a class="ref" href="https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04368728" target="_blank">[ref]</a>&nbsp;<div>Recruiting for human clinical trials phase<a class="ref" href="https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04368728" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />The Gates Foundation has invested money towards this vaccine research (at least $55 million<a class="ref" href="https://investors.biontech.de/news-releases/news-release-details/biontech-announces-new-collaboration-develop-hiv-and" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /><b> Sinovac Biotech</b><br />Where: China<br />What: CoronaVac<a class="ref" href="https://www.pharmaceutical-technology.com/news/sinovac-covid-19-vaccine-funding/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br />Not yet recruiting for human clinical trials phase<a class="ref" href="https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04383574" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />There has been no findable funding from The Gates Foundation towards this vaccine.<br />Advantech Capital and Vivo Capital have invested money towards this vaccine research (at least $15 million<a class="ref" href="https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20200522005096/en/Sinovac-Secures-15-Million-Funding-Accelerate-COVID-19" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /><b> Inovio Pharmaceuticals</b><br />Where: South Korea and USA<br />What: INO-4800<a class="ref" href="https://www.ivi.int/ivi-inovio-and-knih-to-partner-with-cepi-in-a-phase-i-ii-clinical-trial-of-inovios-covid-19-dna-vaccine-in-south-korea/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br />Recruiting for human clinical trials phase<a class="ref" href="https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04336410" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br />The Gates Foundation has invested money towards this vaccine research (at least $5 million<a class="ref" href="https://www.marketwatch.com/story/inovio-stock-rallies-after-company-gets-gates-foundation-grant-to-test-device-for-coronavirus-vaccine-2020-03-12" target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br /> Other big vaccine players to keep an eye on include Johnson &amp; Johnson, Sanofi, Shenzhen Geno-Immune Medical Institute, Novavax, the University of Washington, the La Jolla Institute for Immunology, Wuhan Institute of Biological Products, Beijing Institute of Biological Products, and the University of Queensland.<br /><br /> <h3>Will We Be Forced to Take the Vaccine?</h3>This depends on your country as the world differs on what vaccines should be voluntary, recommended, or mandatory. These decisions often revolve around public schooling and welfare. Furthermore, who knows what types of laws could come as a result of this pandemic. However, we can predict a glimpse of each nation’s potential stance by looking at their current laws. Here are some of those for interest’s sake:<br /><br /> Perhaps the most terrifying law was passed recently (March 2020) in Denmark which allows the government to forcefully COVID-19 vaccinate you once the meds come into existence. This law expires in March 2021<a class="ref" href="https://www.thelocal.dk/20200313/denmark-passes-far-reaching-emergency-coronavirus-law" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Considering the country has no other mandatory vaccinations in circulation<a class="ref" href="https://vaccine-schedule.ecdc.europa.eu/Scheduler/ByCountry?SelectedCountryId=58&amp;IncludeChildAgeGroup=true&amp;IncludeChildAgeGroup=false&amp;IncludeAdultAgeGroup=true&amp;IncludeAdultAgeGroup=false" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, this could be some indication of what’s to come globally.</div><div><br /> Despite recent rumours<a class="ref" href="https://fullfact.org/online/control-of-diseases-act-coronavirus/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, consent must be obtained for all vaccinations in the UK according to section 45E of the <i>Control of Disease Act 1984</i><a class="ref" href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1984/22" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> USA laws depend from state to state but children are required to get certain shots if they attend public schooling<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/imz-managers/laws/state-reqs.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. However, 19 states do have medical, religious, and philosophical loopholes<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncsl.org/research/health/school-immunization-exemption-state-laws.aspx" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Australian vaccines are non-compulsory for adults but they will pay you A$129 if you take the plunge<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3216445/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> In the EU; Bulgaria, Croatia, Czech Republic, France, Hungary, Poland, Slovenia and Slovakia have up to nine compulsory vaccines for children<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3216445/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://ijponline.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13052-018-0504-y" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. 13 EU countries have some form of mandatory vaccinations while 16 have none whatsoever<a class="ref" href="https://www.eurosurveillance.org/content/10.2807/ese.17.22.20183-en" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Latvia is non-compulsory for adults but one must sign a document to state that they understand the risks<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3216445/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Despite having the strongest anti-vaxxer population in the world<a class="ref" href="https://wellcome.ac.uk/press-release/how-much-does-world-trust-medical-experts-and-vaccines?mod=article_inline" target="_blank">[ref]</a> France require 11 vaccinations for public school kids<a class="ref" href="https://solidarites-sante.gouv.fr/prevention-en-sante/preserver-sa-sante/vaccination/vaccins-obligatoires/article/11-vaccins-obligatoires-depuis-2018" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Italy<a class="ref" href="https://www.wvlt.tv/content/news/Italy-approves-mandatory-vaccine-program-437515213.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and Germany<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-40056680" target="_blank">[ref]</a> will fine you if you do not vaccinate your children. <br /><br /> Vaccinations are mandatory in Argentina<a class="ref" href="https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/esto-es-lo-que-necesitas-saber-sobre-la-nueva-ley/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, Brazil<a class="ref" href="https://agenciabrasil.ebc.com.br/en/saude/noticia/2018-09/brazil-concerned-over-low-vaccination-rates" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and Indonesia<a class="ref" href="https://www.expatindo.org/vaccination-for-children-in-indonesia/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Malaysia vaccinates their children as part of the school program<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/immunization/programmes_systems/policies_strategies/Malaysia-school-immunization.pdf?ua=1" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> That said, the majority of countries in the world are voluntary including all of Africa, most of Asia<a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaccination_policy" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, Canada<a class="ref" href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/measles-outbreak-the-loopholes-in-canada-s-vaccination-laws-1.2943583" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, and Russia<a class="ref" href="https://www.loc.gov/law/foreign-news/article/russia-government-expanding-vaccination-for-measles-amid-outbreak-in-neighboring-countries/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Of course, good luck if you want to go on vacation anywhere outside of your own borders. Required travel vaccinations are already an implemented standard in many places<a class="ref" href="https://www.nomadtravel.co.uk/travel-clinic/travel-vaccinations-for" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and COVID-19 will most likely join international programs.<br /><br /> <h3>Why Are Social Media Videos of Bill Gates Being Deleted?</h3>While many platforms are working with WHO to flag misinformation<a class="ref" href="https://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory/facebook-warn-users-coronavirus-hoaxes-70181543" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, I am still able to find many videos which accuse Gates of microchipping or Satanic intentions or potential cashless societies<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cU-nzmwWDko" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k9LE5az_iY" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igx86PoU7v8" target="_blank">[ref]</a> with millions of collected views to back them up. Yes, this includes ones that feature David Icke<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCSqmZWY_SE" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and ones that use the clickbaity <i>“THEY WILL DELETE THIS”</i> title<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB9Tg8jiMw8" target="_blank">[ref]</a> even though they don't delete this. It appears that most of the erased Gates-related content were the pieces that linked 5G to COVID-19 or disputed the existence of the virus<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-52198946" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.gizmodo.com.au/2020/04/youtube-5g-coronavirus-conspiracy-ban/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. These videos were deemed against certain policies as a direct retaliation to the burning of 5G towers<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/05/youtube-to-suppress-content-spreading-coronavirus-5g-conspiracy-theory" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. YouTube also demonetises anti-vaxxer channels<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-47357252" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>Has Bill Gates Actually Done Any Good?</h3>That’s somewhat of an understatement. <br /><br /> It would be an unreasonable expectation to list everything that Gates and his foundation has achieved through donations to other organisations over the years. However, here are some of the more impressive examples:<br /><br /> Helping to reduce infant mortality by 50% within 25 years (which equates to an estimated 122 million lives)<a class="ref" href="https://data.unicef.org/resources/levels-and-trends-in-child-mortality" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/feb/14/bill-gates-philanthropy-warren-buffett-vaccines-infant-mortality" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Helping to save an estimated 32 million lives through the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria<a class="ref" href="https://www.theglobalfund.org/media/8752/corporate_2019resultsreport_report_en.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Raising nearly $1.5 billion with Rotary to fight polio since 2007<a class="ref" href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/michelatindera/2017/06/12/gates-foundation-and-rotary-pledge-additional-450-million-to-end-polio/#6434c20865ec" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, helping to eradicate the disease from India by 2011<a class="ref" href="https://world.time.com/2013/01/13/how-india-fought-polio-and-won/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and wiping out two of the three wild strains by 2019<a class="ref" href="http://polioeradication.org/news-post/two-out-of-three-wild-poliovirus-strains-eradicated/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br /> Helping to reduce meningitis infections to an absolute zero in 16 countries<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6370001/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Helping to reduce measle deaths in Africa by 90% since 2000<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2007/pr62/en/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> And funding as well as naming the Omni Processor treatment which converts faecal matter into drinkable water for the developing world<a class="ref" href="https://www.susana.org/en/knowledge-hub/resources-and-publications/library/details/1640" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omni_Processor" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> Beyond his global health interest, Gates has also donated $6 billion to 392 universities in 51 countries<a class="ref" href="https://www.universityphilanthropy.com/bill-and-melinda-gates-foundation-giving" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. His biggest donation was $1,264,876,898 to the United Negro College Fund, Inc in 1999<a class="ref" href="https://www.gatesfoundation.org/How-We-Work/Quick-Links/Grants-Database/Grants/1999/08/OPP40" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>What Does Bill Gates Say About All of This?</h3><em>"I'd say it's ironic that you take someone who's doing their best to get the world ready and putting, in my case, billions of dollars into these tools for infectious diseases, and really trying to solve broadly infectious diseases — including those that cause pandemics. But we're in a crazy situation, so there's going to be crazy rumours."</em> - Bill Gates<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-conspiracy-bill-gates-infowars-2020-4?r=US&amp;IR=T#despite-being-especially-vocal-lately-gates-hasnt-said-much-in-response-to-the-conspiracies-its-ironic-he-told-gctn-in-a-televised-interview-6" target="_blank">[ref]</a> <br /><br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/05/is-5g-evil-weapon-against-our-health.html" target="_blank"><img alt="Is 5G an Evil Weapon Against Our Health?" border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WGESQ3P5jiU/XsFYjOadf7I/AAAAAAAAPa0/k1r10wRNHfUUhVkiCgPTUDEo8xw47NvFACK4BGAsYHg/s640/20May17-COVID1.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/05/is-5g-evil-weapon-against-our-health.html" target="_blank">Is 5G an Evil Weapon Against Our Health?</a></div> <br /><br /><br /> </div>Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-60622114485562699082020-05-25T13:33:00.002+01:002020-05-25T13:33:40.274+01:00Definitely Not a Cry for Help - Chapter Eight: Bangkok<div align="center"><br /><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ei8ka9OGOnM" width="560"></iframe></div><br /><br /> <div align="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; width: 100%;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpY-SNro8ZQ&amp;list=PL7MT1kmAIA0RYFVD9pG43wU8Uc7hbo_sY" target="_blank">For Every Chapter in One Playlist, Click Here!</a></div><br /><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-70917460553049690832020-05-17T16:29:00.018+01:002020-06-04T10:24:47.011+01:00Is 5G an Evil Weapon Against Our Health?<style> .ref { font-size: 80%; vertical-align: super; line-height:1; } </style> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WGESQ3P5jiU/XsFYjOadf7I/AAAAAAAAPa0/k1r10wRNHfUUhVkiCgPTUDEo8xw47NvFACK4BGAsYHg/s640/20May17-COVID1.jpg" width="620" /></span></div> <div style="text-align: center; width: 100%;"><i>PART 1 OF THE COVID-19 CONSPIRACY SERIES.<br /> NO OPINIONS, JUST NEUTRAL INFORMATION.</i></div><div style="text-align: center; width: 100%;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center; width: 100%;"><i><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/06/does-bill-gates-have-evil-vaccination.html" target="_blank">READ PART 2: DOES BILL GATES HAVE EVIL VACCINATION INTENTIONS?</a></i></div><br /><br /> <h3>What is 5G?</h3>5G is the fifth generation of cellular mobile technology. By building new towers that use higher radio frequencies, they allow for greater bandwidth meaning much faster download speeds. The hope is to eventually hit 10 gigabits per second!<br /><br /> <h3>What is the Theory?</h3>There are several.<br /><br />The first is related to privacy issues and security risks. The Chinese telecommunications company Huawei are dominating the tower-building market due to their cheaper supply costs. Obviously, the authoritarian Chinese government is a concern here as they may use this technology to gather data from other nations via surveillance backdoors. Huawei has been quick to clarify that they are <i>not</i> state-owned but the extent of this is debatable<a class="ref" href="https://poseidon01.ssrn.com/delivery.php?ID=472093064123004107090019115014018009041017062031079020023099123006116000118123120024030049123054053040034006121068095094094001051016034093003068126072023124081071034026015125079118068004096084003008080091082091107031013089079080102069119091001097070&amp;EXT=pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /> <br />Currently, only Australia, Japan, New Zealand, and the United States have fully banned Huawei’s involvement with their 5G installations<a class="ref" href="https://www.statista.com/chart/17528/countries-which-have-banned-huawei-products/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href=" https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-48309132" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The much meatier theory (and the one this article shall be focusing on) is the worry that this increase in electronic waves has not been tested thoroughly enough and may lead to adverse environmental and human health results.<br /><br />Some people believe that this is tied into the corona pandemic as immune systems may be weakened and will therefore be at a higher risk. Others believe this is an intentional move by powers high up on the political chain. There are also those who think corona is a hoax to distract us from the rollout.<br /><br /><h3>Where Did the Theories Start?</h3>One could argue that the 5G school of resistance has existed for well over a century.<br /><br />Electromagnetic radiation waves are used everywhere from microwaves to Xrays to even the sun. The term “radiophobia” was coined in 1903 by Dr Albert Soiland<a class="ref" href="https://www.newspapers.com/clip/10421078/medicos-meet-radiophobia-1903/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and was ultimately used to describe a fear of radio waves and their physical effects. Sunburn is the most common and serious health-related radiation problem we face today.<br /><br />Concerns grew substantially with mobile phones. The World Health Organisation launched the International EMF Project in 1996 and they concluded that the 0-300 GHz range of electromagnetic fields was not a health threat<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/peh-emf/research/en/ " target="_blank">[ref]</a>. However, in 2011 the International Agency for Research on Cancer (another WHO agency) stated that wireless radiation could possibly increase cancer risks<a class="ref" href="https://www.iarc.fr/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/pr208_E.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Some two decades later, there are still no confirmed cases of any health issues caused by our phones<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/electromagnetic-fields-and-public-health-mobile-phones" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The fear of electromagnetic radiation has increased in direct correlation to our exposure. The retroactively named 1G was launched in 1979 in Japan at the 150 MHz frequency band. 2G was launched in 1991, most operators using 450 MHz. 3G was introduced in 2001, most commonly at 2,100 MHz and was heavily protested<a class="ref" href="https://www.zdnet.com/article/3g-rollout-threatened-by-mast-protests/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. 4G was in 2009 at a maximum of 2,700 MHz.<br /><br />It’s no surprise that 5G is causing a hot debate. We are now looking at a maximum of 300,000 MHz (300 <b><i>GHz</i></b>)<a class="ref" href="https://www.lifewire.com/5g-vs-4g-4156322" target="_blank">[ref]</a>! Although, to be fair, it'll more likely be used around the 39 GHz park<a class="ref" href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/bobodonnell/2019/11/19/how-fast-will-5g-really-be/#16ba84f85cf3" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, but even that is a monumental increase.<br /><br />What’s more, these higher frequency waves have a much shorter range, meaning a greater density of towers are required to be built. This comes with additional privacy anxieties as your location based on your connection will be much closer to home<a class="ref" href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90314058/5g-means-youll-have-to-say-goodbye-to-your-location-privacy" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/as-5g-technology-expands-so-do-concerns-over-privacy-11551236460?mod=rss_Technology" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /><h3>What are the Health Concerns?</h3>There are many health claims with varying degrees of scientific basis, but the central worry-glue is that not enough satisfactory studies have taken place to deem the network safe. After all, the International Commission on Non-Ionizing Radiation Protection had previously set the limit of safe radiation to be at only 6 GHz! Not 300!<br /><br />Then again, ICNIRP pointed out that these guidelines were written up around 1998 and, in 2020, they adjusted their findings to cater for the 300 GHz<a class="ref" href="https://www.icnirp.org/en/differences.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />One particularly stubborn theory points towards the ionizing effects of high-frequency waves that come from x-rays. Ionizing radiation is the detaching of electrons from atoms or molecules which can inflict a myriad of horrid damages to your DNA including cancer and death. However, every reputable study agrees that 5G (and all wireless technologies) are not only non-ionizing<a class="ref" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/radiation-exposure/radiofrequency-radiation.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/radiation/cell-phones-fact-sheet " target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/nceh/radiation/spectrum.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/mod3.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> but are also quite far down the spectrum (see <a href="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/2682/production/_107885890_5ggraphic-nc.png" target="_blank">this graph</a> put together by SCAMP/Imperial College London/EBU).<br /><br />However, the anti-5G army rightfully points out that non-ionising does not necessarily mean safe.<br /><br />The International Agency for Research on Cancer did state that wireless radiation is possibly carcinogenic<a class="ref" href="https://www.iarc.fr/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/pr208_E.pdf " target="_blank">[ref]</a>. However, it has been placed in Group 2B<a class="ref" href="https://www.cancercareontario.ca/en/cancer-facts/putting-carcinogens" target="_blank">[ref]</a> which is the same category as pickled vegetables and coffee<a class="ref" href="http://del.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/15/10/54f93d6597594_-_ClassificationsGroupOrder.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Examples like alcohol<a class="ref" href="http://del.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/15/10/54f93d6597594_-_ClassificationsGroupOrder.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and processed meat<a class="ref" href="https://www.iarc.fr/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/pr240_E.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> are in Group 1 due to much stronger evidence. The American Cancer Society has cited various studies to conclude that cancer is not connected to cellular phone use or the towers<a class="ref" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/radiation-exposure/cellular-phone-towers.html " target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/radiation-exposure/cellular-phones.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />Other lesser discussed health matters include decreased fertility in males, disrupted sleep, memory loss, headaches, and changes in vision. We will be looking at some of these as we go on.<br /><br /> <h3>Are There Any Reputable Studies Against 5G?</h3>Yes.<br /><br />One of the most referenced studies was put forward by the National Toxicology Program (NTP) in 2018. The group blasted rats with radiofrequency radiation every day for nine hours over the course of two years, starting from in utero. The results showed that the radiated rats developed cancer whereas the controlled rats did not<a class="ref" href="https://ntp.niehs.nih.gov/ntp/about_ntp/trpanel/2018/march/wyde.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. The Ramazzini Institute in Italy performed a similar study and got the exact same results<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29530389" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />Critics of the study have pointed out problems<a class="ref" href="https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/cell-phones-and-cancer-random-chance-in-clinical-trials/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.fda.gov/radiation-emitting-products/cell-phones/scientific-evidence-cell-phone-safety" id="https://www.fda.gov/radiation-emitting-products/cell-phones/scientific-evidence-cell-phone-safety" target="_blank">[ref]</a> with the findings. For example, only the males were affected, the tumours were minimal and cardiac-related, the radiation levels used were up to 75 times higher than our exposure limits, and that humans aren’t rats. Even more interesting, the radiated rats ended up living longer than the control group. Senior NTP scientist concluded <i>“I wouldn’t change my behaviour based on these studies, and I haven’t”</i><a class="ref" href="#" id="https://www.cnbc.com/2018/02/03/high-levels-of-cellphone-radiation-linked-to-tumors-in-male-rats-us-study.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />A lesser-known study showed that 3G radiation caused DNA damage to the liver of a chick embryo<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5583901" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />Far more worrisome is the plethora of studies that suggest non-ionising radiation may be causing DNA damage especially in male fertility<a class="ref" href="http://www.asmaa-algarve.org/en/5g/5g-research/5g-and-risks-to-male-fertility" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. These are generally inconclusive while contrary studies also do exist<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5303122/ " target="_blank">[ref]</a> but the concerns from all medical fields are overwhelming. <br /><br /> <h3>What’s the Deal with 5G and COVID-19?</h3> There are plenty of theories but many revolve around the idea that 5G weakens the immune system and/or robs our blood of oxygen, leaving us more susceptible to the virus. Some believe that 5G directly causes COVID-19 while others have said that the corona outbreak is a cover-up for what’s actually a disease created and/or spread by 5G.<br /><br />How we got here happened fast. As stated above, 5G opposers were already out in full force, picking the technologies apart for other health-related questions. When 5G’s rollout coincided with the pandemic, the guns were loaded.<br /><br />Some of the leading individuals in the 5G/COVID-19 circle include John Kuhles (founder of the since-deleted Stop5G Facebook group), Thomas Cowan (a holistic medical practitioner who works with Medical Board of California, currently on unrelated disciplinary probation<a class="ref" href="https://www.davidgumpert.com/hot-alternative-doc-cowan-censured-ca-medical-authorities" target="_blank">[ref]</a>), Kris Van Kerckhoven (a Belgian general practitioner), and David Icke (arguably the most famous conspiracy theorist in the world). Different variations of their ideas were perpetuated by celebrity sharers such as Wiz Khalifa, M.I.A., Woody Harrelson, and John Cusack<a class="ref" href="https://www.codastory.com/waronscience/celebrities-5g-conspiracies/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The theories involving Bill Gates will be addressed in a separate article I will write in the coming weeks (maybe).<br /><br /><h3>Is There Any Evidence to Support These COVID-19 Claims?</h3>It’s flimsy but there is some.<br /><br />A lot of it connects to the above health concerns, using the NTP study<a class="ref" href="https://ntp.niehs.nih.gov/ntp/about_ntp/trpanel/2018/march/wyde.pdf" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and IARC’s “possibly carcinogenic” Group 2B status<a class="ref" href="https://www.cancercareontario.ca/en/cancer-facts/putting-carcinogens" target="_blank">[ref]</a> as ammo. As we’ve already covered, there are problems in using either of these for they are not conclusive data.<br /><br />In theory, the heat produced from radiation waves could lower the immune system but the studies have been unable to produce any concrete connection between 5G and immune responses. These are endless and easy to find<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6765906/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.arpansa.gov.au/news/5g-and-other-telecommunications-do-not-affect-immune-system " target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4426920/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://academic.oup.com/jrr/article/56/1/30/2580394" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. There are far more severe and factual reasons behind an immune system drop, for example, losing sleep because you’re worried about 5G<a class="ref" href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/insomnia/expert-answers/lack-of-sleep/faq-20057757 " target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The idea that 5G leads to deoxygenated blood appears to initially stem from the oxygen absorption properties of 60 GHz<a class="ref" href="https://www.rfglobalnet.com/doc/fixed-wireless-communications-at-60ghz-unique-0001" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This sounds scarier than it is, but simply means that oxygen absorbs 60 GHz waves, not the other way around. Oxygen slows the waves down, reducing the signal<a class="ref" href="https://www.everythingrf.com/community/what-is-the-impact-of-the-earths-atmosphere-on-rf-signal-propagation" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. As discussed before, 5G will mostly be operating around 39 GHz anyway<a class="ref" href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/bobodonnell/2019/11/19/how-fast-will-5g-really-be/#1d8b243b5cf3" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. This has still led to other concerns of breathing in frequencies<a class="ref" href="http://emftests.com/countless-studies-show-5g-frequencies-cause-illness/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The theory that 5G damages the blood’s binding of haemoglobin to oxygen often leads backwards to Joe Imbriano (owner of noted conspiracy theorist website The Fullerton Informer<a class="ref" href="https://thefullertoninformer.com/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>) and Mike Adams (owner of noted conspiracy theorist website Natural News<a class="ref" href="https://www.naturalnews.com/2020-04-06-5g-alter-hemoglobin-coronavirus-patients-oxygen-deprivation.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>). Science Feedback wrote a study specifically looking at Mike Adams’ claims and concluded his findings had no scientific support<a class="ref" href="https://sciencefeedback.co/claimreview/conspiracy-theorists-claim-that-5g-increases-vulnerability-to-covid-19-with-baseless-theory-that-it-affects-hemoglobin/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. However, a 2015 study did note that the electromagnetic radiation from display screens could affect the blood platelets’ oxygen metabolism<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4697066/#" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The notion that electromagnetic waves can carry or create a virus has been deemed “biologically impossible”<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/52168096" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.sciencemediacentre.org/expert-reaction-to-people-who-think-5g-causes-coronavirus/ " target="_blank">[ref]</a> as genetic material and radio frequencies are two completely different things in almost every way. There is not a shred of contradictory evidence available on the topic.<br /><br />Almost everyone (including most conspiracy theorists) accept the official verdict that COVID-19 is spread from person to person<a class="ref" href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/faq.html#spreads" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /> <br /> <h3>But didn’t 5G and COVID-19 Originate in Wuhan at the Same Time?</h3>Interestingly enough, 5G was first rolled out in China, going nationwide around September 2019 <a class="ref" href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-telco-5g/chinas-state-telecoms-to-launch-5g-services-on-friday-idUSKBN1XA0JC" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Whether Wuhan was the first is unconfirmed (Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Hangzhou are more widely reported as such) but it looks like this city was still an early receiver around August 2019<a class="ref" href="http://en.hubei.gov.cn/news/newslist/201908/t20190827_1409062.shtml" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. <br /><br />Coronavirus was first identified in Wuhan in December 2019<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7128332/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, four months later.<br /><br />Opposers argue this is a coincidence. The spread of 5G and COVID-19 do not follow any similar patterns. With over 110,000 cases, Iran was one of the hardest-hit countries in the world<a class="ref" href="https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/iran/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and yet they were only looking at rolling out 5G in March 2020<a class="ref" href="https://www.developingtelecoms.com/telecom-business/telecom-regulation/9470-how-5g-ready-is-iran.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Similarly, Japan were reporting COVID cases long before they launched 5G<a class="ref" href="https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2020/03/05/business/tech/softbank-5g-japan-first/#.XsECoBNKimE" target="_blank">[ref]</a> while India’s 5G process was delayed due to the disease<a class="ref" href="https://www.indiatoday.in/technology/news/story/5g-rollout-in-india-may-face-potential-delay-due-to-coronavirus-1646430-2020-02-14" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />On the other side, South Korea has been one of the leaders in 5G deployment<a class="ref" href="https://www.capacitymedia.com/articles/3824986/south-korea-leads-5g-deployment" target="_blank">[ref]</a> while their response and subsequent low Corona infection rate has been praised around the world<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-52482553 " target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /> <br /><h3>Why Are They Rolling Out 5G Worldwide While Everyone is Isolated?</h3> This was always the schedule. 2020 was set to be the “year of 5G<a class="ref" href="https://www.businessinsider.in/tech/news/10-reasons-why-2020-will-be-the-year-of-5g/articleshow/72988533.cms" target="_blank">[ref]</a>” long before the pandemic was declared. If anything, 5G has been delayed due to the outbreak<a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-52108172" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>What Has Been the Public’s Response?</h3> It varies but the more extreme reactions have been drastic and dangerous.<br /><br />Telecommunications engineers are key workers who ensure our communication technology is running during this period when we need it the most. Some of these professionals have faced verbal abuse from the misinformed public. According to Philip Jansen, CEO of BT, one Openreach engineer was stabbed and hospitalised<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qo-33xH1QM&amp;feature=youtu.be&amp;t=1410" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />Both Community Fibre and Openreach have issued statements begging people not to abuse their employees because neither company has anything to do with 5G installations<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/apr/03/broadband-engineers-threatened-due-to-5g-coronavirus-conspiracies" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Openreach and EE have claimed a total of 85 incidents of threats and harassment as of April 2020<a class="ref" href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/coronavirus-5g-conspiracy-theory-news-latest-bt-openreach-ee-engineers-attack-abuse-a9468031.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />Even more troublesome are the reports of vandalism and arson. Reportedly, around 20 - 60 masts have been set on fire in the UK alone, with a further 11 in the Netherlands. Due to 5G’s slow rollout, most of the damaged equipment was 3G/4G related<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/apr/06/at-least-20-uk-phone-masts-vandalised-over-false-5g-coronavirus-claims" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="https://www.ft.com/content/1eeedb71-d9dc-4b13-9b45-fcb7898ae9e1" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />One fire in Huddersfield was an attack on a mast used by emergency services<a class="ref" href="https://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/world/mast-fires-surge-in-the-uk-over-easter-weekend-amid-5g-coronavirus-conspiracy-theories-994035.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>Why Are Social Media Platforms Deleting Content?</h3> See above.<br /><br />Both Twitter and Facebook announced that they’d be deleting and banning posts encouraging mast attacks<a class="ref" href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2020/04/23/twitter-bans-tweets-encouraging-attacks-5g-stations/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. YouTube began deleting COVID/5G content in direct response to the arson incidents<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/05/youtube-to-suppress-content-spreading-coronavirus-5g-conspiracy-theory" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Facebook, Reddit, Google, LinkedIn, Microsoft, Twitter and YouTube issued a rare joint statement against misinformation, seeming to align their policies closer to that of the World Health Organisation <a class="ref" href="https://techcrunch.com/2020/03/16/facebook-reddit-google-linkedin-microsoft-twitter-and-youtube-issue-joint-statement-on-misinformation/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />No video garnered greater attention than the London Live interview with David Icke. When asked about the burnings, Icke responded, <i>“If 5G continues and reaches where they want to take it, human life as we know it is over... so people have to make a decision"</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-52198946" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Due to pressure from the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH) and anti-antisemite groups, both his YouTube and Facebook accounts were ultimately deleted based on multiple offences<a class="ref" href="https://news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-david-icke-facebook-page-removed-over-covid-19-conspiracy-theories-11981821" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. At the time of writing this, Icke’s Twitter page is still active<a class="ref" href="https://twitter.com/davidicke" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />It’s worth noting that not all 5G conspiracy theories have been banned from these platforms and only COVD-19 appears to be under fire<a class="ref" href="https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=5G+and+health" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The general response to these decisions has been mixed. Many applauded the efforts to reduce “fake news” and protect lives. Conversely, people for and against the conspiracy theories consider it a form of censorship and a chokehold on basic freedom of speech.<br /><br /> <h3>Does 5G Use the Same Frequency as a Military Weapon?</h3>Yes.<br /><br />The Active Denial System (ADS) is a weapon developed by the U.S. military. It beams a direct hit of millimetre waves at 95 GHz, resulting in an intolerable burning sensation on the target's skin<a class="ref" href="https://jnlwp.defense.gov/About/Frequently-Asked-Questions/Active-Denial-System-FAQs/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />As stated above, 5G is more than capable of 95 GHz and then some. It also works on millimetre waves, which is another difference between the frequencies used by 5G and 4G/below<a class="ref" href="https://www.livescience.com/65959-5g-network.html " target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br />The proposed reason to not fear this, is that towers emit the waves in all directions rather than concentrating on one spot.<br /><br /> <h3>Is 5G Going to be Used for Mind Control?</h3>Unlikely.<br /><br />A lot of the theories related to this seem to be confused crossovers with the ADS weapon from above. However, one study<a class="ref" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17786925?ordinalpos=1&amp;itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum" target="_blank">[ref]</a> did prove that alpha brain waves could be spiked with the use of a mobile phone.<br /><br /> <h3>Didn’t 5G Kill a Load of Birds?</h3>Doubtful.<br /><br />According to Snopes<a class="ref" href="https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/5g-cellular-test-birds/ " target="_blank">[ref]</a> the first instance of this story dates back to 2018. Here, anti-5G conspiracy theorist John Kuhles posted on Facebook that 297 birds dropped dead at The Hague park in the Netherlands due to 5G. The post went viral and the hoax has persisted, becoming the go-to narrative for the relatively common occurrence of mass-dying starlings (many dating back long before 5G was a conversation<a class="ref" href="http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/01/02/arkansas.falling.birds/index.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a><a class="ref" href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/8560398.stm " target="_blank">[ref]</a>).<br /><br />Truthfully, there <i>were</i>&nbsp;a bunch of dying birds at The Hague in 2018 but The Antenne Bureau has denied any 5G was being tested at that time<a class="ref" href="https://www.antennebureau.nl/actueel/nieuws/2018/november/14/geen-5g-testen-bij-huygenspark-in-den-haag" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. According to Snopes again, Kuhles has since stated that his <i>“...conclusions are assertions/conjecture with a QUESTION mark!”</i><a class="ref" href="https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/5g-cellular-test-birds/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>. Similar stories have met similar theories have met similar debunkings, such as incidents in England<a class="ref" href="https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/mystery-after-birds-drop-dead-20594933" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and Wales <a class="ref" href="https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/vodafone-say-5g-conspiracy-theory-17441492" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /><h3>What is the Science Community Saying?</h3>The general consensus is that 5G is safe according to independent studies by various reputable organisations.<br /><br />These include The International Commission on Non‐Ionizing Radiation Protection<a class="ref" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/mar/12/5g-safe-radiation-watchdog-health" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, The Food and Drug Administration<a class="ref" href="https://www.fda.gov/radiation-emitting-products/cell-phones/scientific-evidence-cell-phone-safety" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, The World Health Organisation<a class="ref" href="https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/5g-mobile-networks-and-health" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, Public Health England<a class="ref" href="https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/5g-technologies-radio-waves-and-health/5g-technologies-radio-waves-and-health" target="_blank">[ref]</a>, and The American Cancer Society<a class="ref" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/radiation-exposure/cellular-phone-towers.html" target="_blank">[ref]</a> to name very few.<br /><br />Like all good conspiracy theories, the difficulty runs deeper. The above sources are not considered trustworthy by 5G opponents, because these organisations are allegedly influenced by those with money and power.<br /> <br /><h3>Do All Scientists Agree?</h3>Definitely not.<br /><br />More than 372 scientists and medical doctors have signed an appeal begging the European Union to halt the 5G rollout until further health tests have been pursued.<a class="ref" href="http://www.5gappeal.eu/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br /> <br />253 scientists who specialise in electromagnetic force have also signed an appeal to the United Nations for a similar hold off on 5G development.<a class="ref" href="https://emfscientist.org/" target="_blank">[ref]</a><br /><br />However, as it stands, I cannot locate a single reputable scientist or scientific organisation linking COVD-19 to 5G.<br /><br /> <h3>Have Any Cities Banned 5G?</h3>Yes.<br /><br />Brussels<a class="ref" href="https://www.brusselstimes.com/all-news/belgium-all-news/103718/5g-brussels-left-behind-in-belgian-rollout/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> in Belgium and several regions in Switzerland<a class="ref" href="https://www.ft.com/content/848c5b44-4d7a-11ea-95a0-43d18ec715f5" target="_blank">[ref]</a> are currently blocking 5G due to radiation laws. Mill Valley, California voted to cease the development too<a class="ref" href="https://www.marinij.com/2018/09/09/mill-valley-joins-effort-to-constrain-5g-proliferation/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>.<br /><br /> <h3>How Can I Prevent These High-Frequency Exposures?</h3>You cannot. You’ve already been exposed.<br /><br />According to various articles (such as those by Digital Trends<a class="ref" href="https://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/is-5g-dangerous/" target="_blank">[ref]</a> and ZDNet<a class="ref" href="https://www.zdnet.com/article/5g-radiation-no-worse-than-microwaves-or-baby-monitors-australian-telcos/" target="_blank">[ref]</a>), the same 5G frequencies are used by TV broadcasts, baby monitors, WiFi networks, garage door openers, and microwave ovens.&nbsp;<br /><br />It’s too late, you've been frying for years. I’m sorry.<br /><br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/06/does-bill-gates-have-evil-vaccination.html" target="_blank"><img alt="Does Bill Gates Have Evil Vaccination Intentions?" border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3Qk4tL_uGs/XtZ16q3fCrI/AAAAAAAAPfo/-w3KTpv-pBktg_BlwtCcAhA915zmUOqWgCK4BGAsYHg/s640/20June3-COVID2-Does-Bill-Gates-Have-Evil-Vaccination-Intentions.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/06/does-bill-gates-have-evil-vaccination.html" target="_blank">Does Bill Gates Have Evil Vaccination Intentions?</a></div> <br /><br /><br /> Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-1583611401633054082020-05-01T16:04:00.003+01:002020-05-01T16:04:57.931+01:00Unpopular Covid TheoryThe governments around the world are consulting with their brightest minds and following their best judgements to make tough but important decisions for the survival of their people and their economy. However, in these unprecedented conditions, it's a struggle and no one is exactly sure what they are doing.<br /><br /> Different countries attempt different methods. Some happen upon more positive results while others make tragic mistakes. However, each nation learns from one another until, after some time, the numbers fall into manageable figures with minimal casualties and financial damage.<br /><br /> A cheap and very safe vaccination is discovered shortly afterwards, administered only to those of high risk and society slowly resumes to a functional pace. Except now everyone lives with a newfound appreciation for their freedom, their health, and the touch of their loved ones.<br /><br /> COVID-19 is documented as a turning point in history, a spiritual awakening of sorts, where the positive environmental changes of isolation are revered and maintained; where essential workers are highly praised and compensated accordingly; where wet markets and the entire meat industry are held accountable for their crimes against nature; and the humans finally have the undeniable evidence that our species is profoundly connected, the sickness of one now treated as the sickness of all.<br /><br /> In this fantasy, I end up living with a beautiful photographer in LA and we have a child who teaches us about life and love in a way we never understood before.<br /><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-68013069577157823762020-04-12T15:13:00.002+01:002020-05-05T14:06:50.077+01:00I Read The Biggest Secret (by David Icke) So You Don't Have To [WORK IN PROGRESS]<style>.quote { padding: 10px; background-color: #c9f3c7; color: #000; text-align: left; font-style: italic; font-size: 1.1em; line-height: 1.4em; } h3 { border: 5px solid #ff3d3d; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding: 2em 1em; font-size:180%; text-align: center; } .theparts { width:100%; text-align: center; font-size:160%; font-weight: bold; background-color: #c9f3c7; color: #000; padding: 1em 0; line-height: 1.5em; } </style><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KsVYyknLE_E/XpMgkhFMltI/AAAAAAAAPJ4/1zp_G-21eVEo6a_Wao4fa7rYi_vtckQuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/20March23-I-Read-the-Biggest-Secret.png" alt="I Read The Biggest Secret (by David Icke) So You Don't Have To" style="width:624px" /></span></div> <br /><i><b>PLEASE NOTE: This is a work in progress!<br />CURRENT STATUS: 3/21 Chapters, 79/511 Pages<br />LAST UPDATED: 3 May 2020<br /><a href="#chapter3">CLICK HERE TO JUMP TO LATEST CONTENT</a></b></i><br /><br /> I started to analyse David Icke's most famous book, The Biggest Secret, and then I suddenly realised I had made a mistake.<br /><br /> Icke's theories are undeniably fascinating. You come across many claims which blow your mind like WOW and then within a few minutes of researching, the majority fall flat dead. Everything he proposes is exaggerated, most of his facts are unfounded, and a surprising amount were complete fabrications. The man has taken existing ideas and then stretched them as far as he could, connecting to anything anywhere which serves his narrative, creating a package which he is now selling as some definitive truth. It's concerning.<br /><br /> What's more, his techniques are very transparent.<br />He will never offer any alternate solutions to his questions despite the immense amount of debates available. Everything is "aliens" without fail. It's some of the most bias work I've ever read.<br />He will introduce theories as theories with very rickety references, and then suddenly start referring to those same theories as facts as he moves onto the next theory, piling up a mountain of sourceless material.<br />He isolates then cherry-picks very small yet specific details from every civilisation he can to support his story, ignoring any other belief held by the culture.<br />He will make contradictory statements that cover all bases (aliens came from above and below; aliens were both good and bad etc) ensuring that every timeline and scripture can be manipulated to his mould. <br />And any text that disagrees? It's a cover-up.<br /><br /> The more I exposed this, the more I understood why his words have never been taken seriously. Sure, there's some appreciated education in here and the hypothetical story is wild af but the fact that people buy this stuff? It's an extremely sour taste. I grew discouraged because I had now committed myself to a project which was ultimately only going to waste a lot of my time. I had better things to do!<br /><br /> That's when I came up with a solution. Instead of ploughing through these 500 pages and carrying my frustration alone until I could dump it all out at the end, I have decided to reveal my analysis as it happens. For the first time, I will be writing an open article, revealing my work in progress! I will add to it as I go, offering my findings as I find them, allowing you to be part of the journey! This is better for the reader too because, as I quickly found out, Icke's work requires a lot of research. This is going to be a monster piece when it's done. It's easier for all of us in digestible bits.<br /><br /> I've read and heavily analysed the first two chapters (50 pages). You can read them below.<br /><br /> Feel free to pick holes in anything I say! If you point out an inaccuracy, I'll happily reevaluate and rectify. But please note that I am ONLY accepting responses with researched sources!!!!<br /><br /> <b>Here's a list of predicted complaints from Icke-heads:</b><br />You can't trust any other source except Icke's sauce when it comes to THE TRUTH!<br />You'll only understand when you finish the book!<br />You'll need to read all of his subsequent books for it to make sense!<br />Your mind is not open enough!<br />You are a lizard!<br /><br /><br /> <div class="theparts">CHAPTER ONE<br />The Martians have landed? </div><br /> <div class="quote">Some of these bloodlines can be named. The British House of Windsor is one of them, so are the Rothschilds, the European royalty and aristocracy, the Rockefellers, and the rest of the so-called Eastern Establishment of the United States which produces the American presidents, business leaders, bankers and administrators. </div><br />These are certain interbreeding bloodlines that have always controlled (and continue to) control the world. But what you need to know for now, is that the ancestors of these lines used to walk among us, giving us extra knowledge to build crazy stuff while we worshipped them as gods.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">At Baalbek, north east of Beirut in the Lebanon, three massive chunks of stone, each weighing 800 tons, were moved at least a third of a mile and positioned high up in a wall. This was done thousands of years BC! Another block nearby weighs 1,000 tons - the weight of three jumbo jets. How was this possible? Official history does not wish to address such questions because of where it might lead. </div><br />I spent far too much time researching these claims and they are absolutely fascinating.<br />Nobody can agree how these monumental 750-ton stones were moved over miles of terrain but one thing Icke already seems inaccurate with his "thousands of years BC" dating. Most historians place the events around 15 BC with the construction of the Temple of Jupiter.<br />The "block nearby" is known as the “Stone of the Pregnant Woman” which weighed around 1,200 tons (often accurately noted to be the same as three Boeing 747s). What Icke conveniently didn't mention was that this stone weighed so much that whoever was trying to move it gave up, cut in place then abandoned before the project was done.<br /><br />So how did they move these stones? According to Icke above, <i>"Official history does not wish to address such questions because of where it might lead"</i> but this is unfair of him to say as many solutions have been proposed.<br /><br />Sure, aliens are one theory. A common one, in fact. But the difference is that other studies are not afraid to talk about what other options we have. For example, another theory (that more Biblical scholars lean towards) is the supposed-giants who have been documented to live during this time (which Icke believes are aliens anyway).<br />Meanwhile, others simply claim that it was the Romans who had devised pully contraptions to get the job done. This last one often seems so far-fetched that aliens may be the easiest answer! But as <a href="https://www.ancientaliensdebunked.com/baalbek" target="_blank">Ancient Aliens Debunked</a> points out, around the same time (19BC) Herod the Great was building his own temple, imaginatively called Herod's Temple. Pieces of this temple still stand today, the heaviest of the stones weighing approximately 600 tons. This is less than those at Baalbek, true, but only by 100 tons. What's more, Herod's Roman methods of construction were well-documented, no aliens necessary. So... is 100-tons the difference between Roman capabilities and alien intervention? Maybe.<br /><br />I spent a lot of time looking at this piece because it exposes a lot of Icke's strategy. Whenever there is some debate, any alternative solution is brushed aside in favour of the alien theory, calling the other suggestions "cover-ups" or "fear-driven" or even "stupidity". He then uses the theory to base his next theory on top of it, now using it as fact. It's a very fragile system of Jenga which requires the reader to simply accept it then move on, which I think most Icke readers tend to do. But if you take a moment to flick at the fundamentals, the stack plummets fairly quickly.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">In Peru are the mysterious Nazca Lines. The ancients scored away the top surface of the land to reveal the white subsurface and through this method were created incredible depictions of animals, fish, insects and birds. Some of them are so large they can only be seen in their entirety from 1,000 feet in the air! </div><br />This is true and once again, so awesome.<br />So I guess the Incas were drawing pictures for the aliens? Perhaps! Another explanation could be pictures for the deities that this civilisation (like many civilisations) believed lived above them. Naturally, Icke believes these are all one and the same, which is fine.<br />There are plenty of other theories including maps of constellations and irrigation systems. They all have a similar amount of evidence.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">When the word ‘God’ is used in the Old Testament it is often translated from a word that means gods, plural - Elohim and Adonai are two examples. </div><br />Icke is using these examples to indicate that multiple "Gods" existed back in the day who walked among men, certainly extraterrestrial of nature.<br />There is some truth to this grammar suggestion. Elohim can be used as both singular and plural. Adonai (my Lord) can be considered a "royal plural" as the singular use of the word does appear in the Hebrew Bible (adon/adoni) to address distinguished humans (also my lord). The truth is, Judaism has many names for God, most of which are singular and said to reflect different aspects of the almighty. Officially they believe there is only one God. Of course, this doesn't disprove anything Icke is proposing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The most comprehensive accounts of an advanced race are contained in tens of thousands of clay tablets found in 1850 about 250 miles from Baghdad, Iraq, by an Englishman Sir Austen Henry Layard as he excavated the site of Nineveh, the capital of Assyria. </div><br />And thus begins the most important piece of information from this chapter. Almost everything Icke believes about the <i>Chapter One</i> aliens comes from these tablets.<br />The "Sumerian Texts or Tablets" exist in great numbers and have been dated to around 4500 BC. Written in Sumerian (the oldest known written language) many of these texts are yet to be translated and the ones that have are often under loud debate. Some of these writings appear to be keeping track of how many loaves of bread they traded. Some of them feature poetry suggested to have been passed down by generations before recording (the most famous of which is the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epic_of_Gilgamesh" target="_blank">Epic of Gilgamesh</a>). And some talk about the creation of the Earth itself (such as the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/En%C3%BBma_Eli%C5%A1" target="_blank">Enûma Eliš</a>).<br />Information on these tablets were inconsistent but, much like any ancient civilization, the Sumerians personified their gods, many believing that deities named the Anunnaki used to walk among them, ruling the Earth, the humans as their slaves. These Anunnaki since relocated to the heavens but could be summoned to Earth using statues, instructing certain chosen holy men.<br />These stories are not very different from most religious beliefs (hey, Jesus!) and have often been hypothesised as the original basis of all religions, the text changed over the millennia but many details remaining same, like the longest game of Chinese whispers ever. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The most famous translator of these tablets is the scholar and author Zecharia Sitchin, who can read Sumerian, Aramaic, Hebrew and other Middle and Near Eastern languages. He has extensively researched and translated the Sumerian Tablets and has no doubt that they are describing extraterrestrials. Some researchers say that he used a later version of the Sumerian language to translate an earlier one and, therefore, some of his translations may not be 100% accurate. I think his themes are correct, indeed other accounts and evidence supports this, but I personally doubt some of the detail. </div><br />What's interesting here is that Icke is very careful to not give his full support to Zecharia Sitchin as an accurate Sumerian Tablet translator. This is clever because a little bit of research does paint Zecharia in a questionable light, his translations coming under heavy scrutiny while his scientific and astrological work accused of being speculative posed as factual. Reminds me of someone else, right? But what do they know, they're the manipulated mainstream, we must not trust them, we must only trust Icke and his sources!!<br /><br />Regardless, Icke's disclaimer appears to mean nothing in the greater picture as he uses Sitchin as a reference 14 times in this chapter, a core piece on which this entire book is built.<br /><br />Now I know it's easy to get excited and say <i>"omg, this checks out, old tablets talking about "gods" living among them"</i> but it is no different from The Bible stories. Was the Abrahamic God an alien? Sure could be! But don't think of this as new information or evidence of any kind. It is stories passed down where God/gods/aliens communicated to us directly. I am not so closed-minded to believe this was impossible. I am also not so closed-minded to believe that fiction writing hasn't been a staple of human existence since 4500 BC. Traditional fables to manipulate behaviour may be human nature. Santa Clause is a good example. Wait, was Santa an alien?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Egyptian name for their gods, the Neteru, literally translates as Watchers and they said that their gods came in heavenly boats. </div><br />I added this because it sounded lovely. Heavenly boats is a beautiful concept, lending itself to many ideas including aliens.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Tablets depict the solar system with the planets in their correct positions, orbits and relative sizes, and their accuracy has only been confirmed in the last 150 years since some of these planets have been found. The Tablets describe the nature and colour of Neptune and Uranus in ways that have only been confirmed in the last few years! </div><br />This is a bold claim which comes with no references. I am struggling to find anything to back this up, help? But one thing for certain is that the Babylon astronomers were next level, organizing the very first astrological system on which our Western astronomy was based on today.<br />One interesting bit of information I did find was a Sumerian tablet that currently sits in the British Museum in London. On here, Babylonians describe the exact methods of astrology where they tracked Jupiter over 60-days, measuring the shift of degrees the planet took each day, describing what's known as a trapezoid graph. This is incredible because this technique was thought to have been discovered in 14th-century Europe but these guys were doing it in 350BC! However, this doesn't exactly lend itself too well to the alien theory, does it? They showed their work. It was maths. But did someone teach them the maths? That's the question. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">For instance, there was a sudden and so far unexplained upgrade of the human physical form around 200,000 years ago. Official science is silent on the cause of this and mutters terms like ‘the missing link’. </div><br />The idea that aliens are the missing link between apes and humans is nothing new. I've wrote about the topic myself <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-meaning-of-life.html" target="_blank">in 2013</a> without any inspiration from Icke. There's plenty of debates for and against it. I see no reason as to why this isn't as possible as any other theory. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The story of Frankenstein, the man created in a laboratory, could be symbolic of these events. It was written by Mary Shelley, the wife of the famous poet. He and she were high initiates of the secret society network which has hoarded and suppressed this knowledge since ancient times. </div><br />This came out of nowhere! Such a sudden tangent that I was caught off guard like Icke was a mad man rambling his paranoia. I looked into it and I did find some evidence that Percy Shelley (the husband) tried and failed to perform necromancy on occasion, but nothing worthwhile has been noted anywhere reputable. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Old Testament is a classic example of the religious recycling which has spawned all the religions. So when you are looking for the original meaning of Genesis and the story of Adam you have to go back to the Sumerian accounts to see how the story has been doctored. Genesis says that ‘God’ (the gods) created the first man, Adam, out of ‘dust from the ground’ and then used a rib of Adam to create Eve, the first woman. Zecharia Sitchin points out that the translation of ‘dust from the ground’ comes from the Hebrew word tit (sorry mother) and this itself is derived from the Sumerian term, TI.IT, which means ‘that which is with life’. Adam was not created from dust from the ground, but from that which is with life - living cells. </div><br />Lots to love here, especially the "sorry mother" quip.<br />The problem is that it feels like such a stretch, jumping from one point to another in an attempt to make a hazy connection. The parallels between the Adam Even story and Sumerian beliefs are widely reported on. A god named Enki eats 8 plants in paradise (like Eve eating the forbidden fruit) and she is punished. That's just about it.<br />The Sumerian word <i>"ti"</i> does mean both <i>"rib"</i> and <i>"life"</i>. But any direct link between this story has never been proven despite many (many!) scholars efforts. They want to prove it!<br />And then Icke goes from <i>"that which is with life"</i> directly to <i>"living cells"</i> as if some sort of evidence towards alien interference. <i>r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s</i>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">In the 1980s, Douglas Wallace of Emory University in Georgia compared the DNA (the blueprint for physical life) of 800 women and concluded that it came from a single female ancestor. </div><br />Not exactly, but close. According to a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1986/03/26/us/modern-man-s-origin-linked-to-a-single-female-ancestor.html" target="_blank">NYTimes</a> article, <i>"Wallace also said evidence from the mitochondria DNA did not necessarily trace the human DNA to a single person, although it probably did suggest a small number of ancestors. He said the mutation rate of 2 to 4 percent every million years may be subject to some error."</i><br />There are other studies with similar findings. This is where the aliens made us, I guess. Although have we tried to do the same for all animals? Do all creatures perhaps trace back to a singular point? I mean, where else would it start if not... <i>somewhere?</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote">The unofficial study by the physicists has never been published, but let us consider the evidence for some of its claims. </div><br />Omg. Spot the problem here. How is this even allowed in any book ever? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Desborough says that the Earth’s closer proximity to the Sun demanded that the first Earth humans were the black races with the pigmentation to cope with the much fiercer rays of the Sun. <i>[...]</i><br />Desborough says that Mars, then with a climate very much like ours, had a white race before the Venus cataclysm. His research has convinced him that the white Martians built the pyramids which have been recorded on Mars and they went to war with an advanced black race to conquer the Earth. These wars, he says, are the wars of the ‘gods’ described in endless ancient texts, not least the Hindu Vedas. Desborough adds that after the cataclysm, the white Martians who had settled on Earth were stranded here without their technology and with their home planet devastated. These white Martians, he says, became the white peoples of the Earth. </div><br />I slightly paraphrased for length's sake but now we're getting weird.<br />First of all, Brian Desborough is a sketchy resource that Icke uses freely here. Not only was he the topic in question for the quote above this one (the unofficial study), but he is also a friend of Icke's with verrry little presence anywhere which could validate anything he says. In fact, Brian Desborough is credited as a proofreader for this very book, so they're tight.<br />Regardless, these claims are insane with no basis in the slightest. White people come from Mars, do they? Oh, please do go on.<br />Even more troublesome is some of the phrasings here and elsewhere (<i>"Desborough believes that these white Martians were the highly advanced race of the ancient world"</i>) that could lend itself to white supremacy. This might be where Icke's reputation as a racist comes from.<br />Also, check how he casually drops the "war of the gods" from the Vedas in here. Be a little more specific with your references, please. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Fascinatingly, some scientists claim that when white people are immersed in sensory deprivation tanks for long periods, their circadian rhythm has a frequency of 24 hours 40 minutes, which corresponds not to the rotational period of the Earth, but of Mars! </div><br />This is huge if true! And it even came with a citation number!<br />This led me to the title <i>The Great Pyramid Mystery</i> by... wait for it... Brian Desborough again! It's a chapter in his conspiracy book called <i>They Cast No Shadows: A collection of essays on the Illuminati, revisionist history, and suppressed technologies</i>. This book currently has <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30202.They_Cast_No_Shadows" target="_blank">12 ratings on Goodreads</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/They-Cast-Shadows-revisionist-technologies/dp/0595219578">8 ratings on Amazon</a>. I couldn't find any qualifications for this guy either, besides that he once provided some consultation to "a company involved in deep space research".<br />It gets worse. Of the 35 sources that Icke provided for this chapter, 15 of them come from Desborough's book. If this isn't sinking in, allow me to spell it out for you:<br /><br /><b>42.86% of this chapter's ENTIRE research came from another unknown conspiracy book written by Icke's friend who has no discernible qualifications in anything.</b> <br /><br />Did Icke... did Icke think no one would check this out? What the actual fuck??<br /><br />Regardless, I did try to find anyone anywhere with anything at all that might indicate the original claim racial circadian rhythm differences might have some truth to it. I couldn't. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">I think there is truth in all the views summarised in this chapter of the cataclysmic upheavals the Earth has suffered in the period between 11,000 and 1,500 BC. The first one ended the Golden Age and obliterated the high-tech civilisations that had existed before then. The extraterrestrial races either left the planet beforehand or survived at high altitudes or by going deep within the Earth. The same with the later cataclysm. Many of the extraterrestrials, and most Earth humans, did not survive these events. Those that did were left with the job of starting all over again without, at least at first, the technology available before. The survivors fell into two main categories, those of mostly extraterrestrial origin who retained the advanced knowledge, and humans, the slave race in general, who did not. The former also fell into two camps. There were those who wished to use their knowledge positively and communicate their information to humanity, and those who sought to hoard the knowledge and use it to manipulate and control. The struggle between those two groups over the use of the same knowledge continues to this very day. As societies recovered from those upheavals of 11,000 BC, the other cataclysms brought more devastation over the thousands of years that followed and humanity was faced with many new beginnings. </div><br />This is long but a basic summary of the whole chapter, so it's worthwhile. Please note that while Icke refers to these as "views" you have to accept this paragraph as truth if you want the following chapters to work. It's based on literally nothing. I worry for people who believe this, man. I really do. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">One common theme throughout, however, has been the manipulation of humanity by an intellectually, though not spiritually, advanced race or races of extraterrestrial origin. On that subject, I must now introduce an added dimension to this story which will stretch your credulity to breaking point. </div><br />And thus ends the first chapter, "God" helps us all. <br /><br /><br /> <div class="theparts">CHAPTER TWO<br />“Don’t mention the reptiles” </div><br /> Firstly, what a great name for a chapter! It's these little humourous remarks which make Icke so much more likeable especially in the self-awareness of his reputation.<br />Still, I must say this chapter was a letdown. I was super excited to hear how he's managed to convince his groupies of such a far-out theory and even more excited to see if he could do the same to me. Unfortunately, it fell short and was what I predicted. Everything is based on some drawings or some historic text or some third party account which loosely mentions some variation of cold-blooded creatures, all stitched together and then leapt forward to connect to a bloodline controlling our lovely planet.<br /><br />It all makes me wonder... what if human civilisation ended now and we were discovered by another race thousands of years in the future? Does our literature and illustrations and statues accurately reflect where we are at? What we believe? What about our fiction and films and general art? What if the future races manage to log onto the internet? Do memes tell a true tale? They'd probably think we worship cats! Which is only half true!<br /><br /> Anyways, this is the money shot, make up your own mind. Here are the pieces I've extracted as of some sort of a higher interest:<br /><br /> <div class="quote">The modern accounts of reptilians match the descriptions of many ‘gods’ of the ancient world in the surviving texts and legends. </div><br />An extensive list has been provided here. Probably the most fascinating is that of the Ubaid culture from prehistoric Mesopotamia (6500–3800 BC). Figurines have been found which clearly show a <a href="https://www.ancient-origins.net/sites/default/files/field/image/lizardmen.jpg" target="_blank">humanoid creature with a lizard head cradling a baby</a>. Very few mainstream explanations exist for this, and there are plenty of alien theories about their appearance. It's eerie!<br /><br />That said, this is the only reasonable example put forward and obviously the singular basis for many of Icke's theories. A little clay lizardman. Beyond this, he has isolated various other ancient cultures with serpent Gods but completely ignored other elements which could be used in completely different ways.<br /><br />A particularly good one is that of the Nāgas, deities noted by Hinduism (and its Buddhism offshoot) as divine serpent entities that can take human form. Pretty spot on! But keep in mind that there are 330 million deities in Hinduism so if a reptile didn't exist, that would be weirder? What's more, the Nāgas aren't even very high up on their list of importance. A much more recognisable diety would be that of Ganesha, for example, known for his elephant head. Where did that come from? Elephant aliens?<br />Aztec's had Quetzalcoatl "a feathered serpent" but they also had hundreds of other deities in their canon.<br />Similarly, Hopi mythology has their own Quetzacoatl named Pahana (which Icke named as Baholinkonga for some reason? After some brief research, it seems only conspiracy theorists call it by that name?). This is a small deity in their list of deities and much more popular creatures include a Spider Woman, a Skeleton Man, and a coyote. <br />The Egyptians have Kneph which is often a ram but also a serpent surrounding eggs. Then again, Egyptian texts mention over 1,500 deities, including a falcon (Horus), a lioness (Sekhmet) and a hippopotamus (Taweret). Once again, Kneph is very small in their timeline, so why aren't we asking about these other much more predominant creatures? Who do they represent?<br /><br />There are plenty of even lesser-known examples given (Agathodemon for Phoenicians; Damballah Wedo for voodoo; Ophiolatreia for ancient Britain) but I think I made my point. A plethora of animals have been represented in religious texts, often in terms of symbols. The snake is commonly used throughout history as a representative for danger (as they were a big threat to human life in many areas) or renewal (as their ability to shed their skin). Once again, if reptiles <i>weren't</i> represented it would be waaaay more surprising, because every species has been used in one way or another.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">Studies have suggested that had the dinosaurs not been wiped out by yet another cataclysm about 65 million years ago, they would have evolved into a reptile humanoid by now. </div><br />Icke provided a reference to this which led to another reptilian conspiracy theory website called <a href="http://www.reptoids.com/" target="_blank">Reptoids</a>. This led me to a "thought experiment" (not a study and certainly not "studies" plural) by geologist/palaeontologist, Dale Russell. He came up with the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stenonychosaurus#The_%22Dinosauroid%22" target="_blank">Dinosauroid</a>, a hypothetical path of evolution if the dinosaurs (more specifically, the Stenonychosaurus) had not gone extinct. His model did look strikingly humanoid, which was a big part of the reason why it was met with much criticism.<br />Still, Icke's research checks out, even if it doesn't actually mean anything if you think about it. Pretty difficult to find any evidence that dinosaurs weren't wiped out. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Who is to say that this evolutionary leap from classic dinosaurs to reptilian humanoids did not happen in another dimension or on another physical planet and perhaps on Earth before the dinosaurs were eliminated? </div><br />Yes, but who is to say it <i>did?</i> You? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">And while the bodies of most dinosaurs might have been destroyed, their consciousness would have survived because consciousness is energy and energy is indestructible. It can only be transmuted into a different form. </div><br />I wholeheartedly subscribe to this concept but it's far from a provable fact that consciousness works this way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">There is an unmistakable resemblance between some dinosaurs and ancient depictions of dragons. </div><br />This is undeniably true but can actually work against Icke. Some historians believe that the dragon legend comes from the discovery of dinosaur bones, not some reptilian overlord being represented in folklore like Icke would have you believe. Although, maybe, right? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">There are three suggested origins for the Anunnaki reptilian intervention in human affairs: 1 They are extraterrestrials; 2 They are ‘inner’ terrestrials who live within the Earth; 3 They manipulate humanity from another dimension by ‘possessing’ human bodies. I think they are all true. </div><br />This is important for two reasons.<br />(1) It introduces the main theories of how these reptiles came to their position; and<br />(2) It is a fantastic example of how much of a sly bastard Icke is.<br /><br /> There are multiple occasions throughout Icke's teachings where he manages to cover all bases at once, no matter how contradictory they may seem. Even crazier is how none of his followers seem to pick up on this sneaky manoeuvre.<br />Look at the above statement and analyse points 1 (extraterrestrials) and 2 (‘inner’ terrestrials). Icke shamelessly states that he thinks <i>"they are all true"</i>. This now grants him permission to use any ancient belief which talks about gods that come from above or below. Either which way he can tie it to his narrative. I'm sorry but what doesn't apply to this criteria?<br /><br /> He performed the same trick during his famed COVID-19/5G interview with London Real. China's quick release from isolation was used as evidence towards Corona being a hoax. Meanwhile, an increase in global lockdown proved that this was a government conspiracy to remove freedoms. Whether release or isolation, his theory becomes true! Manipulative man. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the extraterrestrial theory]</b><br />Researchers into the reptilian phenomenon conclude that at least some originate in the Draco star constellation. </div><br />Sounds about right. Draco being the Latin for dragon, the whole thing fits together sweetly.<br />He also earns additional respect a bit later when he talks about the theory that Angkor Wat temple in Cambodia lines up with the constellation but also mentions how many studies question those findings. Good work!<br />Icke also points out that the Egyptian Pyramids were geometrically aligned so that the constellation (or, more importantly, the Thuban star) would be visible to them at night. My research agrees.<br /><br />Side history: in both Greek and Greco-Roman mythology, this mythical constellation Draco creature was killed, which doesn't slot into the reptilian timeline very well? Meanwhile, Arabic astronomy replaces the dragon for two hyenas attacking a baby camel. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the extraterrestrial theory]</b><br />Rhodes says that after the reptilians invade a planet from space and from their underground bases, the surface population quickly surrender to superior weaponry. Then the reptilians strip the planet of its resources like water, minerals and DNA information. </div><br />Cool plot summary here. John Rhodes is the same resource from earlier, <a href="http://www.reptoids.com/" target="_blank">Reptoids.com</a>. He doesn't have any formal qualifications. An independent study of the lizard theory is basically his life. A lot of circle-jerking happens in this community, it seems. I'll source you if you source me! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the ‘inner’ terrestrial theory]</b><br />In 1909 a subterranean city which was built with the precision of the Great Pyramid was found by G.E. Kincaid near the Grand Canyon in Arizona. It was big enough to accommodate 50,000 people and mummified bodies found on the site were oriental or possibly Egyptian origin, according to the expedition leader Professor S. A. Jordan. Numerous artefacts were found, including copper implements as hard as steel. The Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC has ensured these finds remain unknown to the public (that’s its job!) and no-one would have known about this discovery had it not been for two articles in a local newspaper, the Arizona Gazette, in April 1909 </div><br />That <a href="https://media-exp1.licdn.com/dms/image/C5612AQGuEoG8mYDLaQ/article-inline_image-shrink_1000_1488/0?e=1591833600&v=beta&t=rcBdBL6Ctgz87UQ0gW9xWD0knxiIr_IIyoS9Vm1MF_I" target="_blank">Arizona Gazette article</a> definitely exists but the story surrounding this claim is very hazy. The author was anonymous while both sources cited (G.E. Kincaid and Professor S. A. Jordan) have never been identified with no records of their existence anywhere. Rumours offer many theories: the paper ran a hoax to sell more copies, it was a delayed April Fools joke, or... of course, it was a big fat cover-up. I do not know so I will not say. It's a suspicious one, for sure. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the ‘inner’ terrestrial theory]</b><br />According to their legends, the Hopi once lived within the Earth and were fed and clothed by ‘ant people’, possibly the extraterrestrials known as the Greys. The Hopi refer to their ancestors as their ‘snake brothers’ and their most sacred of underground rituals is the snake dance. [...] The Hopi say that one day under the orders of their goddess, Spider Woman, they ascended to the surface of the Earth and emerged through their cave they called the Sipapuni. Once on the outside, the Hopi say, a mocking bird arrived to confuse their language and make different tribes speak different tongues. This is such a repeat of the biblical story of the Tower of Babel that a connection is obvious. To this day the Hopi will not recreate the images of their snake ancestors for fear of death. </div><br />This is a lot of information that really doesn't feed into the bigger picture quite as Icke intends it to.<br />Ant people? Spider Woman? A magical mocking bird? At what point are we meant to take legendary reptiles at face-value and yet dismiss other creature references as folklore? Or are these all aliens? Based on fucking what??<br />Regardless, the Hopi do have a lot of respect for snakes, even performing a snake ceremony (complete with the aforementioned snake dance <i>with</i> snakes in their mouths!) to bring about rainfall.<br />The Tower of Babel connection is fun but I'm unsure of the relevance. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the ‘inner’ terrestrial theory]</b><br />There is a widespread belief among UFO researchers that there are reptilian underground bases where they work with their reptile-human crossbreed elite and I have spoken to former CIA employees who confirm this. A reptilian race definitely live within this planet in a physical form and the only question is whether they are native to the Earth or if they originate elsewhere? Again it is probably both, a mixture of the two. </div><br /><i>"a mixture of the two"</i> cover all bases, Icke.<br /><i>"I have spoken to former CIA employees who confirm this"</i> once again, Icke is his own reference.<br />Also, please note that a <i>"reptilian race definitely live within this planet in a physical form"</i>. Definitely?? Really??? So we've all arrived at that conclusion now. It's no longer a theory, this is a definite. So is everyone ok with that? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />But as my research continues, it is clear that the fourth dimensional reptilian controllers are themselves controlled by fifth dimensional entities.</div><br />Omg, so obvious! So simple! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />The ‘station’ from which the reptilians operate is the lower level of the fourth dimension, the one closest to this physical world. Other people know this as the lower astral dimension, the legendary home of demons and malevolent entities going back to antiquity. It is from here that today’s Satanists summon their demonic entities in their black magic rituals. They are actually summoning the reptilians of the lower fourth dimension. </div><br />Just a quick catchup: Icke describes dimensions like radio signals. Many exist but you can only experience the one you're currently tuned into. We are tuned into the third dimension. Reptilians are running their game from the fourth.<br />I find this all quite funny. Obviously, it's a fantastic theory, one which has been discussed at great length by physicists and mathematicians since the 1700s but who knew it was here that Satanists drew their dark powers? I need to make a phone call!<br />Do I disbelieve this? No. But do I believe it? How could I? Who is believing this?? Based on what?? Icke??? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />I am identifying a particular group of them, not the whole species - I cannot emphasise this enough. This controlling group came here from the Draco constellation and elsewhere, and this is the origin of terms like draconian, a word which sums up their attitudes and agenda. They love to consume human blood and they are the blood-sucking demons of legend.</div><br />Did you notice what he does here? Not all reptilians are bad? Can you tell why?<br />It's that classic Icke move again. By ensuring that reptilians can be both a positive influence and a negative influence on humans, he can now cover literally every single mention of serpent iconography throughout any culture's beliefs. Whether texts worship the snake as an ally or fear the serpent as a slavemaster, they fit Icke's narrative. Clever, huh?<br /><br />And then it's like <i>BAM!</i> They suck blood! Wait... why??? Where did that come from???? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />The vampire stories are symbolic of this and what is the name of the most famous vampire? Count Dracula! The ‘Count’ symbolises the aristocratic reptile-human crossbreed bloodlines which the reptilians possess from the lower fourth dimension and Dracula is an obvious reference again to Draco. </div><br />This is surprisingly close. Dracula was named after and based on Vlad "the Impaler" Dracula, a Romanian ruler from the 1400s. Although my sources aren't fantastic, there are reports that this man used to dip his bread in the blood of his enemies and, even if he didn't, Romanian folklore provided enough blood-sucking vampires for Bram Stoker's fictional inspiration.<br />And, yes, Dracula does mean (the son of) dragon, a title bestowed upon Vlad when he joined the Order of the Dragon group for selected nobility. Still unsure where the reptilians sucking blood thing comes from though, was that it?<br /><br /><b>UPDATE:</b> In Chapter 3, Icke does elaborate on this information by saying <i>"According to Gardner, the name Dracula means ‘Son of Dracul’ and was inspired by Prince Vlad III of Transylvania-Wallachia, a Chancellor of the Court of the Dragon in the 15th century. The prince’s father was called Dracul within the Court. Dracul = Draco."</i> <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />And, according to the neuroanatomist, Paul MacLean, this ancient area of the brain is driven by another prehistoric segment which some neuroanatomists call the Rcomplex. R is short for reptilian because we share this with reptiles. MacLean says that this R-complex plays an important role in “aggressive behaviour, territoriality, ritualism and establishment of social hierarchies” This is precisely the behaviour patterns of reptilians and their reptile-human hybrids as exposed in this book. </div><br />This actually checks out even though the wording is very misleading.<br />It's referring to the basal ganglia cerebral system which is in control of many human functions, including emotions, which covers Icke's examples. Paul D. MacLean came up with the theory that each brain is actually three brains in one, and one of those brains was the basal ganglia. He named it the reptilian complex because he believed that small animals (such as reptiles) were dominated by that part of the brain. The theory has been deemed useful due to its simplicity but this simplicity has also led to some opposition. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />The number of life forms in this galaxy alone is beyond imagination and that’s only at the threedimensional level of existence. If we judge possibility, as we do, only by what we see on one little planet in one little solar system, our range of perception, imagination and vision will be so microscopic that an understanding of what is really happening to this world will be impossible. To that level of thinking the idea that a reptile race is controlling the planet from another dimension will be so far out as to be incomprehensible. </div><br />I disagree.<br />The idea of lizards ruling the world is fully comprehensible but highly unimaginative. In a universe of infinite possibility, a recognisable earthly creature has not only taken over but is also very humanoid in appearance? That took zero creativity, it's dull.<br />I find the <i>certainty</i> of the specifics less comprehensible. The fact that people have read this far in the book and have accepted the provided "evidence" as some sort of a fact is where I am in disbelief. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />Most researches still dismiss the whole idea, but evidence is going to overwhelm them in the next few years. </div><br />Originally written in 1998, we're still waiting. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />Then there are the experiences of Cathy O’Brien, the mind controlled slave of the United States government for more than 25 years, which she details in her astonishing book, Trance Formation Of America, written with Mark Phillips. </div><br />Cathy O’Brien is referenced quite heavily as a massive source over the next while and it's easy to see why.<br />According to the lady herself, she was s victim of the government mind control program known as Project Monarch. For most of her life, she was sexually abused by many high profile figures (such as Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and George H. W. Bush) as part of satanic groups and paedophile rings. It's a harrowing tale no matter the validity.<br />Icke has latched onto this story due to a part where Bush's face transforms into a lizard in front of her eyes. Cathy believes that this was a hologram created by George Lucas but Icke is less convinced, using this as evidence to support his reptile theory. I don't blame him.<br />The issue is how much we can trust O’Brien's account and I'm not the one to make that call. Many have dismissed her for lack of evidence as well as highlighting inconsistencies in her accounts. She has also been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder which doesn't always help her case. It also seems unlikely to me that someone telling a story this damning could get away with it if there was any truth to it. Kinda like this Secret book itself, actually.<br />At the same time, if we give her the benefit of the doubt, then the reactions still make sense. Of course it would be unprovable. A cover-up on this scale would be immediate and perfect. I just hope she's ok. Apparently the book is a decent read. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />I know other people who have seen Bush shape-shift into a reptilian. </div><br />Oh, is it. Do you now. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />The reptilians come from the lower fourth dimension and merely use physical bodies as their vehicles to manipulate this one. It makes sense, therefore, that if you can tune your mind to their true dimension you will see them as they really are. </div><br />"It makes sense". <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />Hunter S. Thompson in his book, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, describes seeing reptiles while in a drugged condition and a guy I met in the United States (in those 15 days I mentioned earlier) told me a similar story. </div><br />Omg, seriously?? This section even had a source number which repeats <i>Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas</i> as a reference, ughhh. I could write a very interesting book on stories I've heard from people on drugs.<br /><br />That said, it's worth mentioning that in 2015 at Secret Garden Party Festival in the UK, I took acid and drank a lot of whiskey. At some point, my vision disappeared and all I could see was what looked like an ID card of a Chinese man whose face kept shifting to a lizard and back again, over and over and over. It was such a bad trip, complete panic mode, not sure what that means though hehehe <i>*nervous laughter*</i>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />This psychic lady said that most of the people in positions of power appeared to be reptiles, but there were others who were still human and these people, she said, were “overshadowed and controlled” by a reptile, but they weren’t actually reptiles. </div><br />Please note his reference here is "this psychic lady". <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />Our bodies are also the result of sound resonating energy into form and if our minds are powerful enough to change the sound range of the body, it moves into another form or disappears from this dimension altogether. This is what is called shape-shifting. It is not a miracle, it is science, the natural laws of creation. </div><br />To be honest, the shape-shifting element is fine with me, I accept it on a theoretical basis although I doubt anyone can find any reputable evidence of it being done. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />After the first draft of this chapter was completed I met another woman, this time in England, who had been married to a man involved in Satanic ritual and the Brotherhood networks. He was head keeper of an area of land called Burnham Beeches near the Buckinghamshire-Berkshire border a few miles from Slough, west of London. This is an ancient site mentioned in the Domesday Book at the time of William the Conqueror in the 11th century and it has a reputation for Satanism. </div><br />Omg, the Domesday Book!!!! Wait, what's the Domesday Book? Turns out, it's the "oldest surviving public record of landholding and resources in late 11th century". It's got nothing to do with Satanism but it sure sounds like it, right?<br />I can't find any evidence predating Icke about his dark claims here but whatever, I'm super keen to check this place out! Let's gooo! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />The word Zulu means People from the Stars because they believe they are a royal race that originates beyond this planet. </div><br />I couldn't find this exact translation but <a href="https://www.sahistory.org.za/article/zulu" target="_blank">South African History Online</a> claims that "Zulu" means "sky". One could argue these two translations aren't too far off.<br /><br />I would like to point out, however, that most religions have looked to the stars/planets/sun/sky as the "heavens". Icke is adamant this is because of aliens but there are so many other paths of thought to explore. The rain and the sunshine, the days and the nights, the different seasons were all considered supernatural sky forces (and still should be!) as they kept the people (and their crops) alive. This could easily be the stronger case hence why I dislike how Icke has scooped up these wonderful observations and slapped his reptilian sticker over them. I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm saying he's wrong to not include the debate.<br /><br />I recently spent many months studying the religion of <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2020/03/i-read-book-of-law-by-aleister-crowley.html" target="_blank">Thelema</a> and their holy scripture (The Book of the Law) states <i>"Every man and every woman is a star" </i>on the third line. This has many interpretations and aliens could be one, but it reminded me that this statement has a scientifically proven alternative. As I said in that review <i>"We are made of stardust. Every planet is a result of stars dying then exploding into rocks, ultimately evolving into the life we see now".</i> Perhaps the otherworldly knowledge of the ancients was simply that? Just a thought. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />As I sat down a movie was just starting, it was called The Arrival and was about a reptile-like extraterrestrial race which had taken over the planet by operating through human bodies and appearing to be human. Someone was trying to tell me something! And that something is the truth. </div><br />If there was a definitive moment where I lost all interest in Icke, this may have been it. Imagine you used this reference in a primary school paper? In what realm of research is this ok? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />Gargoyles are symbols of the reptilians and that is why you will find them at Denver Airport. </div><br />I wrote a little bit about Denver Airport once for an article called the <a href="https://www.theclever.com/15-craziest-conspiracy-theories-time/" target="_blank">15 Craziest Conspiracy Theories Of All Time</a>. It truly is an interesting place full of questionable imagery as many have noted before.<br />As for Gargoyles being the symbols of the reptilians, it does seem a lot of early sculptures were based on dragons, so at least the evidence isn't completely contradictory. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>[As part of the interdimensional theory]</b><br />There are at least seven levels underground at Dulce, probably more, and Bishop has compiled accounts of workers there who have described what they have seen. </div><br />Dulce Base is a common UFOlogy site in conspiracy theory timelines, never proven to exist according to MAINSTREAM MEDIA. It's said to be a jointly-operated human and alien facility around the Colorado-New Mexico border. Somebody somewhere has written reports either as or pretending to be a worker from the place, detailing the company from the inside. Icke quotes these texts verbatim and they are really dark, definitely worth the read, I'd like to write some myself one day.<br />Check out the full piece on <a href="https://www.sacred-texts.com/ufo/dulce.htm" target="_blank">Sacred-Texts</a>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The winged Draco are also known as the Dragon Race and some of the ancient gods were described and depicted as birdmen. This could be one of the origins of the Phoenix and eagle in Brotherhood symbolism, as well as the more esoteric meanings. </div><br />This stretching to breaking point, even for Icke. He's now claimed that, because reptilians are like dragons and dragons have wings, we can now include all mention of bird symbology through history as being directly related to his theory too. This is fucking insane. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">What is without question is that the white race, whatever its origin, has been the main vehicle of the Anunnaki crossbreeding programme for the takeover of Planet Earth. </div><br />Without question? Really? I have some questions. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">A particular centre for the Anunnaki reptilians would seem to have been the Caucasus Mountains and this is an area that will appear again and again in this story. I feel there was a major breeding programme in this region, probably underground, which produced a very large number of hybrid reptile-human crossbreeds. One area of research that is highly relevant to this region are the number of people with Rh negative or rhesus negative blood. Often rhesus negative babies turn blue immediately after birth. This is the origin of the term ‘blue bloods’ for royal bloodlines and other terms like ‘true blue’. It is speculated that the ‘blue’ bloodlines could be of Martian decent and from wherever the Martian bloodlines came from before that </div><br />This dragged me down an incredibly fascinating rabbit hole which I enjoyed thoroughly!<br /><br />I'll leave Caucasus Mountains now as more information is coming from Icke, but the bloodlines were worth the time.<br /><br />The Rh blood group system is a measurement of proteins. If your blood type has the word "positive" in it, then you're part of the (USA/European) 85% who have it. If your blood type states "negative", then you are part of the 15% who do not. I'm one of the special negatives, btw. Type O Negative, just like the band.<br />Rh is named after blood found in rhesus monkeys. This is a big win for Icke's theory as it indicates that 85% of humans are more monkey descendants whereas 15% of us... aren't. What's more, it's also true that the European Royal families are predominantly Rh-negative.<br /><br />Blue Baby Syndrome (infant methemoglobinemia) occurs when there is a lack of haemoglobin in the child's blood. This results in starvation of oxygen, and the baby turns blue. Nitrate-contaminated water is the highest cause of this but it can be the result of various heart conditions.<br />Now here is where it gets interesting: when a pregnant Rh-negative mother is carrying an Rh-positive child (a common occurrence) her immune system identifies the baby as a foreign body and attacks its cells which can result in a blue birth. One small sterilized solution gets rid of the problem but it's still pretty weird, right?<br />I came across a few sources (because I actively searched for them, granted) which claim that this never happens in nature and has only ever been noted elsewhere during the crossbreeding of horses and donkeys. So it's almost as if humans are crossbreeding with themselves. Which is impossible... unless... there was some outside interference with our DNA?<br />It's a delicious push for the theory of alien intervention even if the reptile connection is a bit far off. Green blood would have been way more convincing!<br /><br />Speaking of which, I can find no outside evidence to back up the "blue blood" statement. It seems a more common theory was that of a pale skin (and therefore strong visibly blue veins) was considered a sign of nobility because it meant you didn't partake in manual labour and never saw the sun. I'd actually heard that one before. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">What is clear is that while the Annunaki interbred with many Earth races, the white race has been their main vehicle for taking over the planet and the ‘royal’ Draco at the top of their hierarchy are albino white. </div><br />Due to the abundant reports of Icke's racism, I feel it's important to note any such remarks for later studies. As it stands, I haven't found anything too incriminating. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">“When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose... The Nefilim were on the earth in those days - and also afterwards - when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.”<br />Genesis 6:1-4 </div><br />Icke uses this Christian verse as evidence for otherworldly beings breeding with humans.<br />I'm unsure which Bible version he is using, it almost seems that he's mix-and-matching?<br />Regardless, the most popular Bible version (King James) uses the word "giants" instead of "Nefilim". Other scholars argue that the words "Nefilim/Nephilim" are Hebrew for "fallen", generally considered to be angels but is obviously Icke's preferred solution. Others simply accept the common Nefilim translation "sons of gods" to mean descendants of Seth and Cain, muddying up their holy bloodline.<br /><br />Also note the line <i>"the Nefilim were on the earth in those days"</i>. It sounds pretty damning but it is just as standard (especially in older versions) to find the line to read <i>"there were [Nefilim] in the earth in those days"</i> which sounds closer to earthly mythology rather than visiting entities.<br /><br />Furthermore, please let it be known that the KJV uses the line <i>"the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men"</i> which is way hotter.<br /><br />Seriously though, as someone who has read <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">The Bible</a>, it says way crazier stuff to worry about than that. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Ethiopian text, the Kebra Nagast (Nagas were Indian shape-shifting ‘serpent gods’), is thousands of years old, and it refers to the enormous size of the babies produced from the sexual or genetic unions of humans and the ‘gods’. </div><br />We discussed the Nāgas before, confirming them as serpent gods albeit quite insignificant in the Hindu timeline. Naga is Sanskrit for “serpent”.<br />The problem comes that the "Naga" in "Kebra Nagast" is utterly unrelated. This Ethiopian book was originally written in Coptic and the title is Ethiopic for “the Glory of Kings”. We can't start pretending similar words in different languages mean the same thing. It doesn't work that way and only erodes at Icke's credibility.<br />However, the part about angels having giant babies with humans is in the book as promised. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Even the British title of Sir, conferred by the Queen on her selected subjects, comes from an ancient snake-goddess (reptilian) called Sir, which relates to the Anunnaki goddess, Ninlil or Ninkharsag, in the Sumerian tablets. </div><br />Why even try this shit? "Sir" comes from "sire" which comes from the Latin "senior" which means older. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">These bloodlines also have the ability to produce an extremely powerful hypnotic stare, just like a snake hypnotising its prey, and this is the origin of the term ‘giving someone the evil eye’. </div><br />Lines like this are so frustrating to me. It's such a stretch of ideas to connect to something that proves nothing. There is no scientific evidence that snakes hypnotise their prey. There are plenty of "evil eyes" throughout cultures but seeing as Icke has already claimed rights to every single ancient timeline ever, he'd once again swear this was alien references. Of course, you will struggle to find the idiom relating to a serpent anywhere reputable.<br />What I did find is where Brazilian cultures consider the "evil eye" (or the mal-olhado) to be a curse. They have various amulets to protect against such things, one of which is the sansevieria trifasciata, also known as... the snake plant! Holy crap sticks, someone call Icke right now!! <br /><br /> <div class="quote">It appears from my research that there are different reptilian factions: those who are more positive in their attitude to humanity and those who wish to dominate and control. </div><br />Oh hey, just a reminder of this duality trick of Icke's, the one where no matter whether a culture loved or feared snakes/dragons/iguanas/frogs/tortoises, his theory can gobble it up as one and the same. No matter what historical texts say about any reptile, Icke's madness can apply. Am I the only one noticing this? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Book of Enoch was banned by the Roman Church which sought to deny the earlier Christian belief in the existence of flesh and blood angels and fallen angels occupying physical bodies and interbreeding with humans. </div><br />"Banned" is a very misleading word, I can find no evidence of any banning. It was always available to be read.<br />However, the Book of Enoch <i>was</i> excluded from various Bibles, which isn't as uncommon as you think. I've seen upwards of 70 books said to be removed in different fashions throughout denominations, at least 19 of which are not in any Bible anywhere (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_canon#Table" target="_blank">see this fun table</a>).<br />The Book of Enoch does appear in the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church and Eritrean Orthodox Tewahedo Church too.<br />Why it has been omitted from others is anyone's guess but Icke's report on the content is accurate. The Watchers (angels) fathered the Nephilim by having sex with humans. I'm unsure if this is the exact reason why it is not featured in most Bible canons but, as many have noted (including Icke), similar teachings were put forward in Genesis 6:1-4 anyway. <br /><br /><br /> <div id="chapter3" class="theparts">CHAPTER THREE<br />The Babylonian Brotherhood </div><br />This chapter deals with the earthly migration of the alien Martian Aryan race after the Great Flood. Icke uses this time to bombard the reader with an immense amount of rapid data, point after point, idea after idea, theory after theory to such a detailed degree that researching every line would be an insane undertaking. I won't do it, it's unreasonable to ask.<br />Actually, to be fair, I'm probably not the best person for this job in the first place as geography was never my favourite subject in school. This also feels like I'm fighting a losing battle, as, by this part of the book, Icke has already accepted every previous chapter as fact, the once interesting hypotheticals now the foundations to run off in whatever direction, and I only have so much energy to tackle these distortions. As a result, I will avoid repeating myself and only highlight what I consider to be new information as my previous analyses have already laboured against much of this battle.<br /><br />I do have one question though: if aliens came from space, what technology did they use to get here? Could they not have used those very same mechanics to travel across the globe rather than on foot or boats or other such primitive modes of transport? Hey, now that we're asking questions, where are the spaceships? Apparently we have old stone tablets from this period, so where'd the machines go? Even the documentation of these machines would be a reasonable request, right? I'm sure David has all the answers. What reason do we have to doubt the man? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">As the flood waters receded after the Venus cataclysm the survivors came down from the mountains and up from within the Earth. </div><br />I don't have the space to call out Icke every time he does this, but I will do so occasionally to reinforce one of his trickster techniques.<br />In Chapter One, Icke introduces the Venus theory which states that the planet was once part of Jupiter, coming into its own after a collision then orbiting Earth before finding its place in the solar system. This gravitational act caused great floods on Earth, which plenty of cultures speak of yet many scientists question (including Leonardo da Vinci who, according to Icke, was a big member of the Brotherhood, meaning a conflict of interest there).<br />When this book initially speaks of this Venus theory, he informs us that his friend Brian Desborough told him about it. Desborough claims he heard it from an unpublished study written by a group of unnamed physicists which is a long path but that's fine because it's a great theory.<br />The problem comes now, where this is suddenly no longer a theory but an imperative basis for the entire story Icke has created here. What was once proposed as a "could be!" quickly becomes a fact to move in the direction the author needs to continue his grand design. He does this <i>a lot</i> and it's difficult to read onward when the bridges have such fabricated foundations. But what can I do at this point? Nothing. I read on anyway. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The founder of Babylon according to ancient texts and legend was Nimrod who reigned with his wife, Queen Semiramis. Nimrod was described as a ‘mighty tyrant’ and one of the ‘giants’. </div><br />This chapter starts with Babylon, the capital city of Babylonia from ancient Mesopotamia, now in Iraq. Nimrod was the Biblical king of this land, most notably as a God-defying man who ordered the construction of the Tower of Babel to reach the Heavens. Icke brings up this tower a lot. I'm unsure why he does so, but I'm guessing it's to illustrate how all legendary tales come from the same source, as he connects this Bible story to another tale from Hopi origins. I noted that during my Chapter 2 analysis.<br /><br />It should come as no surprise that Icke believes Nimrod existed and was of alien origin. However, as it stands, there is a tremendous debate in historian circles whether this figure was real or not. Many consider him to be an amalgamation of various figures who "ruled after the flood". There are certainly ways to look at this which don't entirely negate Icke's position. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Nimrod and Semiramis have remained the key deities of the Brotherhood to this day under many different names and symbols. Nimrod was symbolised as a fish and Queen Semiramis as a fish and a dove. Semiramis is likely to be symbolic of Ninkharsag, the creator of the reptile-human crossbreeds. Nimrod was the fish-god Dagon who was depicted as half man, half fish. It is possible that this was symbolic of him being half human, half scaled reptile. </div><br />While sources aren't all clear or trustworthy, there is an abundance of studies which link Dagon and Nimrod as the same person. Dagon is also clearly noted as a "fish-god", a merman-type of diety seen both in ancient Mesopotamian scripture and the Hebrew Bible. I'm surprised that Icke didn't try to connect the name Dagon to "dragon" as evidence of a reptilian symbol but that wouldn't work anyway, as Dagon/Dagan is Hebrew for both "Be Cut Open" and "grain". Still, I did find that drákōn in Ancient Greek (δράκων) means "serpent, giant seafish" so we are getting some lose unified ideas here.<br />Regardless, my main gripe with all of this is by saying fish-god Dagan was Nimrod was an alien, he can now claim any fish symbolism as that of alien origin too. Slowly, every single symbol ever is becoming associated with Icke's theory which only works to dilute the specifics. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Nimrod was represented in a dual role of God the Father and Ninus, the son of Semiramis, and her olive branch was symbolic of this offspring produced through a ‘virgin birth’. Ninus was also known as Tammuz who was said to have been crucified with a lamb at his feet and placed in a cave. When a rock was rolled away from the cave’s entrance three days later, his body had disappeared. Heard that somewhere before? </div><br />In and around these pages, Icke blasts a rapid-fire of information into our eyes which he uses to pick apart Christianity as a derivate story. I won't go much into this now as the entire 4th chapter is entirely focused on this theory and we can address it then. <br />For now, I will reiterate that the true identity of Nimrod is up for much debate and Icke is picking and choosing the ones that fit his tale. The Clementine literature (written around the 1st century) and The Two Babylons (written by notorious Roman Catholic Church hater Alexander Hislop in 1853) agree that Nimrod was Ninus. However, there are many other alternative individuals put forward as the identity for this man that Icke doesn't mention whatsoever, such as the Mesopotamian god Ninurta, a merging of Akkadian kings Sargon and Naram-Sin, Assyria king Tukulti-Ninurta I, Euechoios of Chaldea, Gilgamesh, Lord (Ni) of Marad, Enmerkar, Belus... the list goes on, I only stopped because I got bored.<br /><br />Going back a step to The Two Babylons book, the deeper I dig, the more obvious it is that this is Icke's primary source on this matter. While historians agree that Semiramis was married to Ninus, it was author Alexander Hislop who claimed Ninus (who is also Nimrod) to be Semiramis' son <i>as well as</i> her lover. According to the book, this incestuous couple has a son named Tammuz (aka Dumuzid) another ancient Mesopotamian god. For some reason Icke claimed Tammuz is Ninus is Nimrod too, so it's very confusing.<br />What's more important to note is that The Two Babylons book has been picked apart by scholars for a myriad of inaccuracies, my favourite of which is when influential Professor of the Hebrew Bible, Lester L. Grabbe, noted that no text in existence mentions Semiramis and Nimrod together ever.<br /><br />I can also find no strong evidence that Tammuz was crucified. In fact, the more common story was that Tammuz was attacked under a tree then dragged down to Hell by demons. Some beliefs say that Jesus was nailed to a tree, so perhaps that it where Icke was mistaken? However, there are many variations of the story where Tammuz does rise again, so we can stamp that one with some sort of possibility (if any of this ever happened at all).<br /><br /> <div class="quote">In 1825, Pope Leo XII authorised the production of a jubilee medal and it depicted a woman in a pose that was blatant symbolism of Queen Semiramis. She had a crucifix in her left hand, a cup in her right and on her head was a seven rayed crown like the one on the Statue of Liberty, another depiction of Semiramis which was given to New York by French Freemasons. </div><br />Google the medal and you'll agree it looks like the Statue of Liberty lady. Officially, the Statue of Liberty is of the Roman goddess Libertas, but many sources argue they are the same. I'm neither convinced nor unconvinced.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">A contact who has relatives working in high positions in the Vatican told me how, during the reign of Pope John Paul II, he was given a guided tour of the place which blew his mind. </div><br />I don't accept your source, sorry.<br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Roman Catholic title of cardinal comes from the word ‘cardo’ meaning hinge and relates to Nimrod’s role as guardian of the door to heaven. </div><br />What the actual fuck is this? Once again this comes with a source leading straight to Brian Desborough. This dude basically wrote the book, ughhh.<br />Cardinal does mean hinge associated as “something on which a development turns” but how Icke leapt to Nimrod and the door of heaven is beyond anything anyone has ever said ever. It's missing so many steps to begin to take seriously. I can't even find any other source which mentions Nimrod and the door of heaven in the same sentence? Name any object and I'm pretty sure I can vaguely reach out to the same ballpark. Madness. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The masses were manipulated into believing superstitions and into taking symbolic stories literally, while the chosen initiates were given the real knowledge on penalty of death if they ever revealed it. </div><br />But that's exactly what Icke is doing himself! He's digging through past stories and symbols and taking them to literally mean reptilians! Why is his story the right one?? How does he justify this?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">When you know what you are looking for it is the [lizard's] eyes that give them away. They are dark, piercing and cold. </div><br />OMG, my ex-girlfriend! <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The reptile full-bloods are not attached to their bodies like humans. They are knowingly using them as ‘space suits’ to operate in this world, and when one wears out they simply occupy another. It is from this process of ‘possession’ by the reptilians and other low vibrational entities that we have the ancient tales, indeed modern ones too, of demons, devils and evil spirits taking over a human mind and body. It is the reptilians and other consciousness of the lower fourth dimension, the cesspit vibration as I call it, which are summoned during Satanic, black magic rituals and it is during these rituals that many unsuspecting puppets are ‘plugged in’ to the reptilian consciousness and taken over. </div><br />Where is he getting this from? He doesn't even try to reference this shit, there is no back-up text to this, it's all Icke's brain.<br />Also note that he has now booked possession, demons, devils, evil spirits etc. It's all the reptilians, they are responsible for literally everything you've ever heard of. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">As I revealed in <i>I Am Me I Am Free</i>, and will elaborate upon in this book, the Brotherhood hierarchy today are seriously into Satanic ritual, child sacrifice, blood drinking and other abominations that would take your breath away. Yes, I am talking about some of the biggest royal, political, business, banking and media names on the planet. People like Henry Kissinger, George Bush, the British royal family and many other presidents, prime ministers and members of royalty. </div><br />And this? Quite an extensive list of name-drops there. I look forward to the evidence, I'm sure he has loads. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Most of the global population worshipped the Sun for its obvious gifts of heat and light and the effect this had on their crops and well-being. However, within the hierarchy of the Babylon Brotherhood and other Elite groups which had the advanced knowledge, they focused on the Sun for other reasons too. They understood the true nature of the Sun as a multidimensional consciousness which extends across the solar system on unseen frequency levels. </div><br />There is a lot more on this in chapter 4, but for now, it's common knowledge that all religion/concept of a Higher Power started with the Sun. This is one of the primary reasons why cultures looked up to the sky to worship. This could be used as evidence <i>against</i> the theories of aliens but, of course, in Icke's world, the Sun is another symbol under his belt. It's a dick one too because he's truly covering one of the biggest blankets of ancient prayer with this one.<br />That said, I adore the idea that the Sun is a "multidimensional consciousness" which led me to the belief of panpsychism, where literally everything has some level of consciousness. That excites me! <br /><br /> <div class="quote">We have already seen that Mexican President Miguel De La Madrid claimed that the Mayans were interbred with the reptilians, the ‘iguana race’ as he put it. </div><br />This makes me <b>MAD</b>. He's directly quoting Mexican President Miguel De La Madrid as if the man said this when there is no evidence of such an utterance! The citation is from Cathy O’Brien's sensational book Trance Formation Of America which we discussed in Chapter 2. Icke does his trick again where, back on those pages, he tells us that Cathy claims Miguel said these words. One chapter later, and he's using this as if it's a factual word-for-word account from the man himself. It's a horrible manipulative trick. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">This knowledge of the Sun will be a common theme throughout the rest of this book as we journey through history to the present day. It does, however, make the decoding of history a little more complex because the ancients would constantly use Sun and astrological symbolism in their stories and some of the names for their gods would be used to symbolise the Sun and the planets. Working out what is literal and what is symbolic is a considerable challenge. </div><br />The line <i>"working out what is literal and what is symbolic is a considerable challenge"</i> is such a strange thing to include here. It's as if he's almost confessing that he doesn't know the answers and is picking and choosing whichever ones suit him. Soooo much of Icke's reports are black and white, (a) is literal while (b) is symbolic. I keep asking myself how he's coming to these conclusions and yet right here he's saying he struggles with it. Maybe I'm being unfair but I consider this strong evidence towards the man making it up as he goes along. He provides no proof for anything and draws conclusions to benefit his plan.<br />Regardless, he's slowly getting us used to the fact that the almighty Sun is in on it too. There's a lot more of that coming in Chapter 4. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Caucasus Mountains came up again and again in my research and how appropriate that in North America white people are known as ‘Caucasian’. </div><br />Icke brings up the Caucasus Mountains continuously as supposedly where our more modern civilisations all began. If I understand right, after "the big flood", the alien race retreated up to this "highest peak in Europe" and waited for the water to go down before they made their move.<br />Interestingly enough, the word ‘Caucasian’ was first coined in 1785 by Göttingen School of History member Christoph Meiners. It was, as David has said, a term to describe the people of the Caucasus area (occupied by Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, and Russia) which includes the Caucasus Mountains. However, it's worth noting that anthropologists disagree that this blanket term can be accurately applied to white people because even races from South Asia and North Africa were once considered "Caucasians".<br /><br />That said, the Caucasus Mountains mountains do come with fascinating mythology. In the 18th century, it was believed that Noah's Ark landed here and therefore was where all humanity came from. Furthermore, it was also claimed as the location where Greek Titan Prometheus made humans out of clay. Both of these tie in with Icke's theories perfectly, although it would be irresponsible not to mention the many other Earthly areas that come with similar claims, most notably being Mount Ararat in Turkey by far.<br /><br />From here, Icke maps out the journey of these "aliens from Mars/reptilian overlords from the 5th dimension/the white race/whatever", crossing lands and taking over. I'm going to give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume his geography checks out for the most part, because I can't be assed to go over every step of every country in every date. I'm certain that whatever he wrote has some truth in it sprinkled with extraterrestrial spice because that's the game here. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">What we call the Jewish race also originated in the Caucasus region and not, as claimed, in Israel. Jewish historical and anthropological sources have shown that only a few of the people known as Jewish have any genetic connection to Israel. In the 8th century a people called the Khazars living in the Caucasus Mountains and southern Russia had a mass conversion to the Jewish religion. </div><br />This is bullshit once again. My research showed time and time again that at very least 70% of all Jewish ancestry leads to the Middle East. The Caucasus Jews (or Mountain Jews) are commonly considered descendants of the Persian Jews that came from Iran. As for Icke's Khazar statement, one of the most common names for this study is the "Khazar myth" due to its lack of any evidence. There's a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khazar_hypothesis_of_Ashkenazi_ancestry" target="_blank">fat Wikipedia page</a> all about it if you want to check references. Icke has no references, of course. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The white race expanded northwards into Europe. The first people went by sea under the name, the Phoenicians, and over many centuries others migrated over land. </div><br />The Phoenicians are an ancient civilization that spread across the Mediterranean between 1500 and 300 BCE. Icke talks about them a lot so worth keeping note. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Evidence has emerged in recent years about pyramids on Mars, when the NASA scientists, Vincent DiPietro and Gregory Molenaar, discovered six enormous pyramids like those in Egypt in the Cydonia region of Mars. It would make sense that the same Martian race with the same knowledge would also build pyramids when they came to Earth, and the same can be said of the Anunnaki if, as Zecharia Sitchin speculates and I agree, they had settlements on Mars. </div><br />The area of Cydonia was where our 1976 telescopes not only picked up pyramid-type structures but also a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Martian_face_viking.jpg" target="_blank">creepy face staring up at us</a>. For a long time following, ample scientists and conspiracy theorists alike were very excited about what this meant but when we finally managed to snap <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cydonia_(Mars)#/media/File:Mars_face.png" target="_blank">another high-quality image in 2001</a> (after the publication of this book), the face was not quite as visible and the "pyramids" looked closer to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sheep2_small.jpg" target="_blank">hills</a>. We've also since had four robotic rovers riding around Mars, none of which reported any ancient ruins. Although I'm sure this is a NASA cover-up anyway, right? But then why would they even tell us they were putting the rovers up there in the first place? Idk idk. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The reason that the native legends of the Americas speak of tall ‘white gods’ coming from the sea bringing advanced knowledge is because that is precisely what happened, if you forget the gods bit. </div><br />A few places I could pick into this but mainly just wanted to make note of Icke now claiming ownership of water-symbolism for his alien narrative, which he continues to do from here. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Professor Alexander Thom, Emeritus Professor of Engineering Science at Oxford University from 1945 to 1961, discovered that the ancients who built Stonehenge knew about ‘Pythagorean’ geometric and mathematical principles thousands of years before Pythagoras was born. </div><br />While this report isn't set in... stone... the writings from experts seem abundant that this very well may be true. The general consensus isn't automatically aliens but usually how underrated our ancestors were at discovering astronomical and geometrical truths long before more modern humans did. Of course, the debate here is whether they did so on their own or not. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Brian Desborough, my scientist friend from California, told me there is a point on one of the Earth grids, the Hartmann Grid as it is called, where twelve of these force lines meet and go down into the Earth. Where was that? I asked. “A place called Avebury in England” he said. The very place the advanced Phoenician/Sumerians chose to build their stone circles at least five thousand years ago along with a series of surrounding sites, including Silbury Hill, the biggest human-made mound in Europe, and others like West Kennet Long Barrow. </div><br />Ughhhh Brian Desborough again! Allow me to remind you that Icke is using a friend as a source here, a guy who once wrote one conspiracy book called <em>They Cast No Shadows</em> and otherwise has no other qualifications. His book isn't even remotely popular! (see Chapter One analysis)<br />Side step: for lols I decided to see how Chapter Three fairs in this source department. Of Icke's 46 references behind this section, 15 of them are from <em>The Great Pyramid Mystery</em> chapter in Desborough's book. 32.61% in total. Not as bad when comparing it to the 42.86% of Chapter One but still not great, hey. I'd shudder to know how the entire book stands in this regard but I don't have the heart to check.<br /><br />Regardless, let's give Desborough the benefit of the doubt and take a look at what he's saying. Dr. Ernst Hartmann "discovered" Hartmann lines, a network of connecting energies across the globe that Hartmann claimed caused serious illnesses to those who lived along the grid. It's an interesting discussion that unfortunately can not be proven by any modern devices and is not currently accepted by the scientific community whatsoever. Doesn't mean it's not true. Doesn't mean it's true. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Another constant is the latitude of 19.5 degrees. This is the latitude on which the pyramids, many ancient temple complexes, and other sacred structures were built. It is also where you will find the volcanoes on Hawaii, the Schild volcanoes on Venus, the massive Olympus Mons volcano on Mars, the dark spot on Neptune, the red spot on Jupiter and the main area of sunspot activity, north and south, on the Sun. </div><br />This is fascinating but, much like so many statements in this book, once you research it, a level of frustration rises.<br />This 19.5 theory was made famous by Richard C. Hoagland (as Icke did note in previous paragraphs). He's an author who doesn't have the greatest reputation, not only as someone without qualifications and as someone who makes their money writing conspiracy theory-related books, but mainly as a man who steals work from others and crediting it as his own (most notably researchers Andrew Johnson and Judy Wood).<br />Of course, this shouldn't matter if his claims ring true, right? Right! And, well, it almost does. But when talking about a very specific unit of measurement, when does almost register as ok?<br /><br />Of just the ones that Icke mentioned:<br />The Pyramid of the Sun sits at 19.69° N. <br />The Olympus Mons on Mars sits at 19.3° N. <br />The Great Red Spot on Jupiter sits at 20.0° S. <br />And the Great Dark Spot of Neptune sits at 20.0° S.<br /><br />Are these tiny differences important? Then again, would it be possible to pick another line of latitude and map out a vast array of joining dots especially if we allow ourselves a half a degree leeway either way? That appears to be the main argument against this.<br /><br />Looks like Mars' Olympus Mons does qualify though and while repots are slim, Jupiter's Schild volcanoes too. Great! So what does it mean? High energy lines where the reptiles can better communicate with the 4th dimension? I mean, obviously!<br /><br />I do want to make a quick personal note and say that I do believe specific locations of higher energy is believable. I like to believe it, even. I enjoy it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Brotherhood don’t want us to know any of this and so they have used their religions, like Christianity, to condemn astrology as the work of the Devil and their ‘science’ to dismiss it as mumbo-jumbo </div><br />This is super important to me. So, basically, The Brotherhood are losing this battle? Like, badly? Christianity (and general religion) gradually falls in numbers, the Internet spreads free knowledge (including this "knowledge"), this organisation must be freaking! For an all-powerful alien race living inside of the most powerful people on the planet, I can't imagine how upset they must be with Icke for exposing them! It's amazing they let him live!! Unbelievable! <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Some of the stone circles are sometimes called Hare-Stones which, according to L. A. Waddell’s research, evolved through Harri or Heria, the title for the ruling Goths, and from the Hittite title of Harri, Arri or Aryan: Hare stones are Aryan stones. Just as Han Khrishna means Aryan Khrishna, very appropriate given that the Hindu religion was the work of the Aryans. </div><br />Ah my fuck, this is head-spinning.<br />Let's break it down: Stone circles = Hare-Stones = Harri = Arri = Aryan. Therefore, Hare Khrishna is obviously the work of the white aliens from Mars. It's all there! I was going to research this but I decided not to. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The Vedas, inspired by the Aryans, tell how the serpent-humans, the Nagas, could cause fantastic damage and instant death. The Nagas were also said to have appeared at the birth of the man who became known as Buddha and the serpent plays a part in the legend of Khrishna. </div><br />We discussed the Nāgas in Chapter Two. My conclusion was that they were semi-irrelevant due to the 330 million deities in Hindu mythology, of which the Nāgas were not even one of the most powerful/popular ones. If they wrote the Vedas, why give yourself such a minor role? Why place such bigger gods above you? And who were these bigger gods based on???<br />I couldn't find anything about a serpent at the birth of Buddha, but I did find that his original tribe (the Shakyas) focused a lot of worship on the Nāgas (among other things). Furthermore, when this leader reached enlightenment, a Nāga named Mucalinda protected him from the elements. That's way cooler!<br />The Hindu deity Krishna did once battle (and defeat) a serpent named Kāliya, in canto (chapter) 10 of the Bhagavata Purana. Perhaps worth noting that there were at least 24 other demons in this same canto.<br />I also want to remind everyone that there was a massive snake villain in the story of the Jungle Book too. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">This reverence for trees in North Africa was expressed in the British Isles and Europe by the Druids and the giant or Titan race, the reptilian-human crossbreeds of the ancient Near East, were often symbolised as trees because of their height. </div><br />Look at that, Icke has now claimed trees too.<br />I feel like this might be a fun juncture to prepare a quick tally of the symbolism that Icke has taken ownership of.<br /><br /> Thus far, if you see any of the following images throughout history, it means that Reptilians Were Here:<br /><br />Lizards<br />Snakes<br />Dinosaurs<br />Dragons<br />Serpents<br />Any reptile creatures really<br />Gods who walked among us<br />The Devil<br />Any demon/deity who loves us<br />Any demon/deity who hates us<br />Evil spirits<br />Those that come from above (sky)<br />Those that come from below (earth)<br />Those that come from water<br />Those that come from light/energy/another dimension<br />The Sun<br />Space<br />Stars<br />Mars<br />Jupiter<br />Any planet really<br />Birds<br />Any creature with wings really<br />Fish<br />Any creature with scales really<br />Pyramids<br />Vampires<br />Gargoyles<br />Giants<br />Eyes<br />Trees<br /><br /> Should I predict flowers next? Ok, I reckon he's going to book some flowers soon. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The holly bush was another sacred symbol of the Druids and this is where we get the name Hollywood in Los Angeles, the centre of the global film industry which was created by modern initiates of the Babylonian Brotherhood. It has remained in their control and Hollywood is one of their most important vehicles for mass mind conditioning. Hollywood is indeed a place of magic as it casts a spell on humanity’s perception of itself and the world. </div><br />I mean, this does make some sense, right? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">The evidence of the connections between the Middle-Near East and the British Isles and Ireland is simply enormous. </div><br />Icke spends a long time connecting the Near East (Turkey, Egypt, and Western Asia which includes the Caucasus Mountains) and Middle-East to map out our(?) race's movements. He does so via "culture, language, deities, symbols and rituals" which is fine but there is also another important case which supports this. The DNA of a woman's skeleton (found in Belfast, dating as far back as 5,000B.C.) was analysed by Trinity College and the results suggested that she may have come from Turkey. This is interesting in terms of migration, sure. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Certainly, the Babylonian Brotherhood and others with advanced knowledge were very keen to make their way to Britain and establish their headquarters there. London became the epicentre of their operations and it remains so to this day. </div><br />LONDON REPRESENT! Is it weird that I kinda hope this part is true? Does it mean that my city will be ok no matter what? Cos we're living on super energy lines or the aliens will protect it or whatever? That'd be comforting! <br /><br /> <div class="quote">Many of the reptile-Aryan bloodlines appear to have been based in Troy and it remains a sacred place for those at the upper levels of the secret society network who are aware of their true origins. Troy or Troia means ‘three places’ in Greek and Hebrew, an allusion to the trinity, another belief that Christianity has stolen from the ancient world. In English, Troy or Troia is Tripoli, the name of the capital of Libya today and home to that Brotherhood frontman, Colonel Gaddafi. </div><br />Troia does mean Troy in Gaelic, correct. I couldn't find any evidence that Troia means "three places" in either Greek or Hebrew but I could find that it means "slutty" in Italian. It is also a town in Italy and a peninsula in Portugal. Not sure why I mentioned that.<br />Even if I could find any evidence at all that it means "three places" (I can't), I'm not sure why this would automatically be associated with the Christian trinity? Sometimes three things simply... <i>exist</i>.<br />Anyways, Tripoli does mean "triple city" in Greek, so that's something. However, it refers to the fact that there are three of them, one in Libya, one in Lebanon, and one in Greece (Tripolis). You could argue that the Tripoli in Libya is of most importance as it's their nation's capital.<br /><br />Finally, it's interesting to note that Colonel Gaddafi is a "frontman" of the Brotherhood. From what little I know about this Libyan revolutionary/politician, it does seem he was a highly controversial figure whose 2011 death was met with varying reactions. Both then-US President Barack Obama and then-UK Prime Minister David Cameron were very happy with the result. Hang on, but aren't they also in the Brotherhood? Where is the loyalty in this organisation, man?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote">London became the operational centre of the empire of the Babylonian Brotherhood, and it still is, along with Paris and the Vatican. </div><br />Once again mad-props to my home city but if you want to make a holiday of it, here's the full package. <br /><br /> <div class="quote">They were also decorated with the swastika, the Phoenician-Aryan symbol of the Sun. Once again, they were the same people. All the white peoples are and it is the white race which has taken over the world, quite demonstrably. Just look around you at who controls all the reigns of global power. White people. </div><br />Another race-flag but he's not entirely wrong, is he? Still, there are simpler solutions as to why this happened, and I do feel we're gradually sinking into more questionable realms with the racial content as we go on. <br /><br /><br /> <b>CHAPTER 4 COMING SOON!</b><br /><br /><br /> Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-14257179594123010652020-04-08T06:58:00.003+01:002020-04-08T06:59:29.791+01:00Stop RomanticisingStop posting articles that tell us to stop “romanticising” things.<br />I’ll romanticise whatever the fuck I want.<br />I’ll romanticise you telling me not to romanticise things.<br />That’s how fucking romantic I am.<br />The ability to romanticise elements of life is the joy of an optimist, the gift for the poet, and the right of every single human being.<br />You know what we should stop doing instead? We should stop telling each other to stop doing things.<br />We’re all on different roads here, and you’re going to crash if you keep looking at everyone else's.<br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-48659793809043544142020-03-23T11:50:00.001+00:002020-06-03T19:04:56.384+01:00I Read The Book Of The Law (by Aleister Crowley) So You Don't Have To<style>.quote { padding: 10px; background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #ff3d3d; text-align: left; font-style: italic; font-size:1.2em; line-height:1.2em; } h3 { border: 5px solid #ff3d3d; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding: 2em 1em; font-size:180%; text-align: center; } .theparts { width:100%; text-align: center; font-size:160%; font-weight: bold; background-color:#1c1c1c; color: #ff3d3d; padding: 1em 0; line-height: 1.5em; } </style><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em;"><img alt="I Read The Book Of The Law (by Aleister Crowley) So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JBodxY92qWo/XnQhR_P7UcI/AAAAAAAAPHU/zccczp2oobsViKC-YSm_2d3QclA8xn3ZwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/20March23-I-Read-the-Book-of-the-Law.jpg" style="width: 624px;" /></span></div> <br /><div style="font-size: 75%; line-height: 1.3em;"><i><b>PLEASE NOTE:</b> This is my fifth consecutive year of consuming and analysing a religious scripture.<br />From 2016 - 2018, I asbsorbed <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2016/06/i-read-quran-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">The Quran</a>, <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2017/03/i-read-satanic-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">The Satanic Bible</a>, and <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-read-dianetics-scientology-book-one.html" target="_blank">Dianetics (Scientology 1)</a>.<br />The reason why I tell you this is because of last year's chosen book, the <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">Christian Bible</a>, in 2019.<br />This monumental endurance test was surprisingly enjoyable but it also wore me down until the thought of anything Abrahamic produced nausea. I decided right then that the following year would gravitate towards something shorter. Something weirder. Something far less popular than what I had just forced myself through. And that's when The Book Of The Law (aka <i>Liber AL vel Legis, sub figura CCXX, as delivered by XCIII=418 to DCLXVI</i>) fell upon my radar, seemingly ticking all of those boxes as a short, eerie, and obscure set of beliefs. Perfect!<br />Little did I know that this brief read was only a sliver of the battle and it would take every shred of mental energy I could muster just to understand the most basic of its teachings (and even then I would never be completely sure). By the end of it, this book had messed with my mind on such a profound level and it's going to take some time before I can normalise my thoughts again. I hope you appreciate what I have done, is what I'm getting at.<br />This book sits in the public domain, so if you'd like to give it a chance yourself, you can <a href="https://holybooks-lichtenbergpress.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/Aleister-Crowley-The-Book-of-the-Law.pdf" target="_blank">read it online here</a>.</i></div> <br />What I enjoy most about Aleister Crowley is that he was not your average "religious leader". While so many scriptures emphasise the importance of abstinence and moral intentions, Crowley was running around with his dick out, preaching about how the unrestrained pursuit of promiscuous sexual activities and excessive drug use were encouraged as paths for those looking to advance their ceremonial magick powers. His loud occultist ideas of debauchery quickly provoked the press to dub Aleister "the wickedest man in the world," a title that the eccentric writer wore proudly, utilizing this panicked platform to conjure a larger audience, showering them with his endless rambles of poetic words, documenting his every step then forcing the confusing pages down into the open hands below. It seemed he was always rushing ahead whilst even his audience kept their distance until his fast-forward lifestyle caught up to his manic feet and he lost everything, dying a junkie, broke and unknown.<br /><br /> On the off-chance that the dead are still aware of our earthly communications, it's safe to say that Aleister would be proud of how his reputation managed to crawl up inside of the glocal psyche. He's now a firm fixture in popular culture, achieving household name status for all the wrong reasons even if very few understood what he was all about. But for those of us who have taken the time to dig deeper, there is no stone positioned higher in Crowley's crown than that of Thelema. This is considered a "religion" by many but is more accurately a spiritual philosophy, one that this self-proclaimed "prophet" started himself then dedicated the rest of his life to sharpening. So what is Thelema, exactly? And how did it come about? These are questions that I am not only happy to answer but am happier still that the answers themselves are just as fantastic as the crazy mind behind them.<br /><br /> After eloping with Rose Edith Crowley in 1903, Aleister and his wife embarked on their honeymoon to Cairo, the capital of Egypt. During this excursion, Rose started acting strange until a brand new entity introduced itself through her mouth. It called itself Aiwass and announced its arrival as a medium within Rose, here to dictate the teachings of three other deities over three consecutive days. And that's what happened. From the 8th to the 10th April 1904, Crowley was visited through Rose/Aiwass by otherwordly entities as if this was a Christmas film. These deities were respectively named Nuit, Hadit, and Ra-Hoor-Khuit, and each one of them came with their own unique set of cryptic instructions that Aleister furiously scribbled down, coming out the other side with the book we are discussing now.<br /><br /> It may also be worth mentioning that these handwritten pages were reprinted in the back of my edition of the book too. This does help to validate the imaginative tale even if there are small differences noted against the final product.<br /><br /> Evaluated as a whole, The Book of the Law offered a plethora of perplexing materials. By utilising an obscure combination of different languages and complex studies (such as numerology, Tarot, Kabbalah, the practice of Magick, and ancient Egyptian mysticisms) any satisfying interpretation is yet to be agreed upon, and instead, every trail leads to further unsolvable questions and open-ended ideas. That said, there are some fundamental guidances that every Thelemite does concur with. One of the most important conclusions is that this book signalled in a new stage of human spiritual evolution which became known as the Æon of Horus (following on from our previous ages, the prehistoric <i>female</i> Æon of Isis and the classical/medieval <i>male</i> Æon of Osiris). In our current <i>child</i> Æon, we have entered a phase of self-realisation. Keeping in mind that this shift is said to have occurred in 1904, I'm unconvinced that "self-realisation" is the correct term. But, then again, I didn't live in the 1800s. I have nothing to compare it to. Perhaps we have progressed as a spiritual society, I would not know.<br /><br /> More crucial to the teachings of Thelema is one single sentence which has become synonymous with the philosophy: <em>"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"</em>. Scholars are still debating the finer details of what this means but most agree that it's not some simplistic cop-out to the likes of "do whatever you want". Rather, it is instructions to discover what it is you are <i>meant</i> to be doing, and as a result, uncovering your true path (or True Will, as it has come to be known). Once you locate this individualistic energy, you will be in sync with the Universe and life itself shall collaborate with you, using all of its power to propel you forward if you choose to follow its guidance. This is a plan I have subscribed to for a while now, placing myself and Aleister on the same page before I'd opened the book. Good start!!<br /><br /> As much as these revelations defined Crowley's life, he claims to have initially turned his back on these writings as they contradicted so many of his already well-established beliefs. However, as the years ticked on, the words continuously bounced louder within his skull and, eventually, he surrendered to the book, publishing it in 1909, some six years after the authorship. Crowley then committed the rest of his life to the study of his book, writing many texts on the matter which have come to be collectively known as The Holy Books of Thelema. What's really interesting about this, however, is that <i>many</i> Thelemites consider Crowley to be full of shit, and they disregard his interpretations as utter nonsense. Their belief in Crowley begins and ends with the dictation from Aiwass, fully accepting the original scripture as holy messages from the divine, not accepting Crowley as the best interpreter. These followers have their own interpretations of the material and nobody agrees with anybody else, hence why we currently have multiple branches of Thelema to choose from (just like any good religion should). But whichever way you choose to investigate it, it's obvious that something was working, as these teachings have been said to inspire much more famed spiritual works such as modern-day Wicca, Satanism, and Scientology.<br /><br /> And now I am honoured to have joined the ranks of those who have taken the steps to digest this book with a hungry stomach and an open mind, which brings us to the million-dollar question... did this scripture gain access to my dashboard and fiddle with my spiritual dial accordingly? Or does this outlandish waffle only stand to chip corners until we expose Aleister Crowley's narcissistic madness beneath? And, much like the backstory, my answer is as extraordinary as the pathway itself.<br /><br /> My relationship with The Book Of The Law moves in stages. The first stage was predictably one of "face value". When first approaching this book, anyone will be surprised at how compact it is. At only 38-pages, anyone could rush through the entire publication within a single sitting. This review is perhaps longer than the book and it would have been far easier for me to simply type the text out word for word, allowing you to read it yourself.<br /><br /> However, the tricky part comes with the content. None of it is self-explanatory. Every utterance is borderline indecipherable. Having read the Bible and the Quran in my time, I am no stranger to vague understandings and ambiguous messages but this was on a different level. It's frustrating because the aforementioned scriptures had the excuse of thousands of years of translations behind their inconclusiveness whereas The Book of the Law was just over a century old. If you wished to change the world with some profound administration of enlightenment, why would you intentionally create a work so unclear? I closed the cover convinced that I had just suffered through the most ridiculous waste of time my hands had ever held.<br /><br /> Then again, I was well aware that this would be the case. So instead of shitting out a review that disregarded the pretentious garble this was, I did the right thing and moved onto the research stage. And this is where things got infinitely more interesting.<br /><br /> One of the great appeals of this book is the abundance of theories attached to just about every single line on these pages. In fact, most people pick apart the religion from that exact standpoint: line by line by line. This takes the brief nonsensical text and suddenly flips it into a daunting task of wading through an overdose of contradicting ideas, each coming from unique angles and voices and different levels of website aesthetics. Some approach the lessons from a pure numerology background, others from a mystical history point of view, while even Crowley has altered his overall reflection multiple times, sometimes split into what's known as the "Old and New Commentaries".<br /><br /> During this research phase, my perception enlarged whilst I began to feel very tiny indeed. I was out of my element! I had minimal understanding when it came to the core topics and I was struggling to grasp even the most basic of terms. Meanwhile, other people were writing essays upon essays about the capitalisation of certain nouns or the shapes of the punctuation and I was like... what!? My little brain cowered, overwhelmed by the overflowing data. But! I missioned forward and I eventually arrived at my own theory: that Aleister was a genius who had been taking his followers for a fool.<br /><br /> Arguably the most interesting component of the Occult is the demographic. Here you have people who are often incredibly educated on very intricate matters, turning their backs on the "stupidity" of organised religion yet not the magical inner workings of some spiritual source code. The lone fact that intelligent freethinkers have no problem accepting ancient Egyptian gods channelling through a human being is something that floods my veins with the happiest feeling because nobody likes a cynic. That said, it does leave a certain avenue open for exploitation. I began to wonder if Crowley had used his thorough understanding of Tarot and religion and numerology to simply regurgitate a bunch of disconnected notions on paper. If so, this could function as an ambiguous puzzle without any achievable solution leaving the occultism groupies to salivate as they desperately filled in any blanks they could, counting the letters in sentences, reversing words for secrets, drawing diagrams over diagrams in hopes of cracking a greater purpose, essentially doing Crowley's work better than he could have possibly achieved himself. Make no mistake, the meaning of this book is not in this book. It is found elsewhere, and as the movement encourages individualism, everyone has free reign to prioritise their analyses above others, dropping the causal researcher into an impossibly deep pool, drowning from loose opinions that froth off in every direction. It's a small yet mindblowing community, somehow joined by a separation of ideas which I admittedly enjoyed more the further I sunk.<br /><br /> The next phase of my journey was even more curious. It was when everything started to click, faster, louder, lower. I developed mental relationships with certain interpretations, discarding the rest as blatant misunderstandings. My notes grew, becoming less amused, more convinced, dedicated, and in-depth. Now and then I'd trip over a unique proposal which would punch the base of my comprehension like a stack of Jenga and I was forced to start from the beginning and rewrite everything from that newfound awareness. I want you to know that there have been multiple iterations of my written findings. I have read every line of this book time and time again, each one attached to pages upon pages of external research just to find my own footing. And eventually, I was hooked. The obsession became stronger as the dots linked up, a higher picture solidifying in my mind. In times like these, I was beyond grateful that this book was as short as it is. The dedication required to unlock these secrets would not be feasible with a publication the size of, say, The Bible. You'd lose your whole life on that journey. I guess that's why so many have.<br /><br /> And then... another, final phase of my study revealed itself out of nowhere. It was a step which I had never imagined possible. I <i>became</i> the scripture. Which is an exaggerated way of saying that my individualism took over, a step that this book had promised would happen anyway. Many of the outside interpretations I had grown dependent on suddenly appeared very wrong. They mistook what was being taught here! I was discovering things which nobody else was writing about! Even Crowley's analysis frequently missed the mark. It felt as though I was born to be here, unravelling these instructions on a level that no one else had before and suddenly I knew... I needed to get to Cairo! Like, right now! They're waiting for me!<br /><br /> As strange as this all is, and as much as I adored the sweeping feeling of a force greater at work, I must confess that I remain a healthy sceptic at heart. My potential conclusions may be life-changing but I hold them out at arm's length. Do I legitimately believe that Aleister Crowley was visited by Egyptian deities who turned him into a prophet? I mean, how could I? And even if true, they did a shoddy job of it. Thelema isn't exactly threatening the fibres of society's spiritual belief system, is it? And we must remember that Crowley was a weird dude. Inventing a religion was probably a primary goal of his since he touched his first Tarot card and it seems a tad convenient that these messages were delivered to a man who was already well versed in their central topics. If someone without any prior knowledge in Egyptian mysticism started rambling about sun gods, then I'd be more inclined to accept this as a metaphysical intervention.<br /><br /> Then again, perhaps it was his former studies that lined him up as the ideal candidate to understand the message? Was Aleister the chosen one because he was the best man on the planet to receive the knowledge? I cannot lie that each chapter does feel as if they were written by a different personality, and the words do come wrapped up in an ethereal aura, unlike anything I've delved into before. So, once again, like everything in life, I just... don't know.<br /><br /> But what I am happy to conclude with, is this: these teachings, no matter how gorgeous, did not convince me enough to label myself as a Thelemite (even if I am committed to many of the core positions on offer). Various principles did not gel with mine and there was this inescapable energy of darkness that slid between the words which didn't do me any favours. Crowley was never really the beacon of goodness, was he? And while something in here brushed my soul in a new place far removed from my brain or body, I am satisfied to call this exploration over and move on.<br /><br /> However, where I shall move will probably be dictated by this book anyway. Shamefully, I only now realise how deep traditional Jewish mysticism goes. Judaism is criminally underrated, its roots go far down into some very trippy regions and I look forward to wiggling around in that soil when the opening presents itself. Unsurprisingly, I have also developed a thirst for ancient Egyptian Gods. Thelema clawed at that surface until several doors I hadn't noticed crept open, and for those guiding blessings, I am eternally grateful. But for now, I leave The Book of the Law as the perfect holy scripture for my life at this time and place. It helped to reinforce many of my fundamental philosophies. It watered then evolved other important conceptual seeds. And, finally, it pushed me into a greater position of understanding without any desire to pursue its world further, our two journeys going their separate ways, my quest for answers continuing with stronger legs but a thirstier throat than ever. Thanks, everyone!<br /><br /> Now, as is customary with my annual religious unweavings, below you shall find a deeper analysis on certain verses that I have deemed of additional interesting followed by a conglomerated harvest of research that has become my own core theories. I'm willing to bet for the vast majority of people reading this, the text following will be brand new education, granting you an easier entry point into understanding Thelema, fully equipped to join the conversation with the best of them. On the flip side of this, there might be those Thelemites themselves who scoff at certain proposals, drilling holes into my interpretations despite the individualism encouraged within the belief system. Whichever side of that fence you are on, just appreciate that I took the time to do this. It's not as easy as it looks. And it looks really difficult.<br /><br /> Finally, I opted against relaying this book to you in a line-by-line fashion even if the number of pages meant this approach would have been wholly feasible. But why force that? Some lines hit me hard while other lines felt repetitive and fell limp so I omitted them with a clear conscience (ignoring that the book explicitly tells you not to do that). In the end, the line-by-line analysis has been done all over the place, multiple times by multiple sources, and so I would rather spend a moment linking you to the favourites that I used during my process. As follows:<br /> <ul><li><a href="https://paradigmgrind.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/the-book-of-the-law-analysis/" target="_blank"><b>ParadigmGrind</b></a> - a rudimentary but easy-to-follow resource. A decent place to start!</li><li><a href="http://crowleythetruewill.blogspot.com/2014/04/aleister-crowley-ch-iii-liber-al-vel.html" target="_blank"><b>Crowley &amp; the True Will</b></a> - a slight step into deeper regions but also a solid place for beginners.</li><li><a href="http://www.aumha.org/arcane/ccxx10.htm" target="_blank"><b>This nameless(?) source</b></a> - at the other side of the spectrum, we have this resource which is difficult to read, difficult to navigate, and difficult to understand. However, I often found the most interesting of theories here, especially in regards to numerology. Whoever wrote this analysis seems to have a better Thelemic grasp than Crowley himself.</li><li><a href="https://nofaithinthehumanrace.com/legis/" target="_blank"><b>Speaking of Crowley</b></a> - he has written many line-by-line interpretations himself which are easily googled. The best presented source I found was on <a href="https://nofaithinthehumanrace.com/legis/" target="_blank">nofaithinthehumanrace.com</a>, just click the verse and away you go!</li> <li><a href="http://www.aiwass.com/A_Secret_Key_Of_Thelema.html" target="_blank"><b>Aiwass.com</b></a> - Thelema has a ton of specific numerology to it. This article takes a deeper look into some of the most important of those values.</li> <li><a href="http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/Main_Page" target="_blank"><b>Thelemapedia</b></a> - lastly, if you ever find yourself lost as you've forgotten a diety's purpose or the magick of a certain number, do not fear! You can find most things on this site.<br /></li></ul> Ok, introductions are over. Now it's time for the big game.<br /><br /><br /> <div class="theparts">I </div><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1</b> - Had! The manifestation of Nuit. </div><br />This first chapter is credited to Nuit. She is speaking now.<br />Nuit (aka Nut) is a sky goddess according to Egyptian mythology (ruler over the stars, the cosmos, astronomy, the universe, you name it, she is it). Sometimes she is seen as a nude woman covered in stars, arching over the Earth. Other times, she is a cow. Nuit is also known to wear a water-pot for a hat. Besides swallowing stars then rebirthing them, she is also responsible for all deaths and resurrections. <br />In more modern scientific explanations (sometimes called The New Comment) Nuit is recognised as all matter or, more specifically, the absence yet potential of matter. On the other hand, Had (aka Hadit, the voice of the second chapter, more on him later) is the motion or the <i>manifestation</i> of matter. Together, they represent the proton and electron, two infinities that cannot exist without one another.<br />Welcome to Thelema. That was the first line.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3</b> - Every man and every woman is a star.<br /><b>4</b> - Every number is infinite; there is no difference. </div><br />This is one of those immensely important Thelemic quotes that you hear everywhere. Crowley and the like consider the "star" as a person's true self which is more commonly referred to as the "True Will". This is the ultimate goal that every Thelemite strives for, a place where you discover your calling/destiny and work in perfect harmony with nature down this path, free from the ego.<br />On a physics level, it's also important to note that we are made of stardust. Every planet is a result of stars dying then exploding into rocks, ultimately evolving into the life we see now. It's quite a literal phrasing too.<br />As for the number thing, that makes logical sense too. We assign values to numbers and they all rely on one another to work. Sure, they are unique but they are also equal and infinite in their collaborative uses. That's what I got from it anyway.<br />The overall point is clear: that we are all of the same value, not only to one another but also to the stars and to the gods. A lot of this connects to Pantheism, the idea that everything is an extension of "god". We are god. We are our own personal gods. This is a hypothesis I've followed on a different timeline since forever. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5</b> - Help me, o warrior lord of Thebes, in my unveiling before the Children of men!<br /><b>6</b> - Be thou Hadit, my secret centre, my heart &amp; my tongue! </div><br />Nuit is talking directly to Crowley here, which is trippy in itself. She is telling him that he must be her Hadit which (as described on line 1) as the piece required to complete her. Simply put, he is the chosen prophet.<br />One again, Hadit is the voice of the second chapter, so we'll explore that name in deeper detail then, don't you worry. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7</b> - Behold! it is revealed by Aiwass the minister of Hoor-paar kraat. </div><br />As a casual reader with zero background in anything, these are the lines annoy the most. It's like... who?<br />And so you look it up and then the can explodes into so many worms that you're unsure which one to chase.<br />Aiwass is the name given to the voice that Rose Edith Crowley was channelling, now speaking through Nuit, reciting this very book. Include Aleister in this sandwich and that's five layers: a god speaking through a spiritual medium speaking through a human medium translated by the hand of Aleister and now presented here for you and me to read.<br />There is much debate between followers/critics about the nature of Aiwass. Certain antagonists have noted similarities between this book's literacy style and some of Crowley's earlier works, which doesn't do much for the "divine messager" declaration. This has led some Thelemites to consider Aiwass to be nothing more than a manifestation of Crowley's personality.<br />Meanwhile, others believe (as Aleister has himself stated) that this is a separate entity, the minister of "Hoor-paar-kraat", which goes by many other names such as "Harpocrates", “Babe in the Egg of Blue”, the "God of Silence", but most importantly of all, "Horus the Child". This suggests some relation (or incarnation or combinations) of Horus, one of the most famous Egyptian deities ever, yet another god of the sky. A <i>looooooot</i> of Thelema relates to this dude, so remember him and we'll get deeper into that later.<br />Finally, there are those new-age kids who believe that this is simply the name of pure Intelligence talking. We're on the 7th line here and we've already split into multiple multiples.<br />What I will say from a personal perspective is that the ludicrous suggestion of Aiwass eventually made complete sense to me. Entities like Nuit and Hadit are concepts, beyond physical expressions that adhere to our laws of matter. In order to communicate with Rose/Crowley, they'd need to dumb themselves down into a personified form, reaching our level of language by filtering through Aiwass. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it makes some logical sense, far more than raw divinity speaking directly through Rose. Right? Or have I been brainwashed? I can't tell anymore. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8</b> - The Khabs is in the Khu, not the Khu in the Khabs. </div><br />Once again, the first time I read this without any prior studies I was like... c'mon, man. What is this.<br />But it checks out, if you know ancient Egyptian. And, like, who doesn't?<br />"Khabs" means "star".<br />"Khu" means "light".<br />The star is not in the light, the light is in the star. I'd agree with that statement but why even make it?<br />And that's the debate, much like everything in this book. However, the proposed translation that works best for me is that the Khabs/star in an individual's true self and the Khu/light is what's generated by this "electricity", i.e. one's ego/mind. The energy of a star (and indeed of all things) lasts forever (first law of thermodynamics; energy can neither be created nor destroyed) while the "light" produced by this energy will ultimately pass away. The true self is driving and that is eternal. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9</b> - Worship then the Khabs, and behold my light shed over you! </div><br />Soooo worship your true inner self. Follow the star within you and it will guide the way. <br /><br /> Nuit then goes on to emphasise that other gods have it wrong, this is the only path, everything will be amazing if you follow her teachings etc. It directly addresses Crowley then describes a bunch of stuff, none of which I deemed too important. I'm sure some would argue that the teachings fall apart if you don't produce the text in its entirety (in fact, this book itself says so) but I have to exercise a touch of restraint or I'll be reciting the entire book which is not what I'm here to do.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20</b> - The key of the rituals is in the secret word which I have given unto him. </div><br />Many texts were very cryptic about this, saying "if you're a true Thelemite then you'd already know the secret word blah blah" as if Aiwass had been whispering into their ears individually. Instead, they probably each did what I did and dug a little deeper where Crowley concluded the word was <i>Abrahadabra</i>, a variation of the stock magician's <i>Abracadabra</i>. <br />Disappointed? For the super-secret ritual word of the stars, it does seem slightly comedic and childlike. But there are some fascinating analyses done behind the meaning of it all.<br />First of all, Abracadabra translates to "I will create as I speak" in Hebrew or "I create like the word" in Aramaic. Already that's way more powerful. The <i>H</i> instead of the <i>C</i> in Thelema's <i>Abrahadabra</i> is possibly to include <b>Had</b>it, who we've spoken about and will speak much more about during the succeeding chapter.<br />Secondly, and as per usual, there's some insane mathematics proposed behind everything always.<br />Primarily, this word contains 11 letters which is a massively significant number in Thelema, often considered "the magickal number of ritual". The combination of the points between the Pentagram and the Hexagram is one example. <i>1 + 1 = 2</i> is also the ultimate equation of duality (Nuit and Hadit). It also connects to a variation of the Jewish Kabbalah Tree of Life that Crowley was fond of, featuring 11 spheres (see or wait for Chapter 3, Verses 64 - 68). The list goes on.<br />Back to Abrahadabra as a word, and when this is written out in Hebrew, you get אבראהאדאברא. Running this through the process to find its <a href="https://www.gematrix.org/" target="_blank">Gematria number</a> (a method for calculating numerical values associated to words according to Kabbalah), it equals 418. This is a Gematria value shared between plenty of other Thelemic terminologies such as הרו-רא-הא (the Hebrew spelling of Heru-Ra-Ha, more on that later) and ΑΙϜΑΣΣ (the Greek spelling of Aiwass). For more examples, look <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abrahadabra#Mystical_interpretations" target="_blank">here</a>. <br /><br />After that, we continue on with some typical godly ramblings about how Nuit encompasses everything and they are infinite and if you don't understand this, you're in big trouble, mister! But if you do, you will be greatly rewarded. The Bible says similar stuff.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24</b> - I am Nuit, and my word is six and fifty.<br /><b>25</b> - Divide, add, multiply, and understand. </div><br />Here comes another thick layer of numerology to smother you in further trickiness, for this book is but a seed of complexities. The true weave of mathematics comes from the endless amounts of clever people who offer hundreds of interpretations as to what this means, because <i>every</i> number means <i>something</i>, whether it be astrological or geometrical or ancient mystical... you can always find what you're looking for if you're willing to run free with your equations and/or your chosen historical explanation.<br />One number these lines offer us without ambiguity is 56. When added as per instruction (5 + 6), you get 11, which we covered extensively one noted verse back (20).<br />As for the division, you get 0.12, which is quite satisfactory in that consecutive number type of manner. Zero is used several times in this text as a representation for Nuit (skip to or wait for 45 - 47 for more) while (as above) the 1 + 1 = 2 unity between Nuit and Hadit could be loosely argued.<br />As for multiplication, all theories seem far too vague and accidental for me to include, but you go ahead. It's 300. Read into that however you wish because everyone else already has. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26</b> - Then saith the prophet and slave of the beauteous one: Who am I, and what shall be the sign? So she answered him, bendingdown, a lambent flame of blue, all-touching, all penetrant, her lovely hands upon the black earth, &amp; her lithe body arched for love, and her soft feet not hurting the little flowers: Thou knowest! And the sign shall be my ecstasy, the consciousness of the continuity of existence, the omnipresence of my body. </div><br />Have you ever seen Nuit? She <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0b/Geb%2C_Nut%2C_Shu.jpg/1599px-Geb%2C_Nut%2C_Shu.jpg" target="_blank">looks</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Goddess_Nut_2.JPG" target="_blank">like</a> <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Nut1.JPG" target="_blank">this</a>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28</b> - None, breathed the light, faint &amp; faery, of the stars, and two.<br /><b>29</b> - For I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of union. </div><br />These lines work more to support the maths from 24 &amp;amp 25. It mentions "none" <i>(0)</i> and "two" <i>(2)</i> which sorta connects to the equation of <i>6 / 50 = 0.12</i><br />The 29th line is actually really beautiful. If you are one and a whole, there is no partnership, it's just a singular unit. Nuit is divided into different parts so that a union of these parts is possible. That's the only way love can exist, a unification of two separate pieces. It may be my favourite line in the whole book. We are God divided for reasons of love. So potent I actually get goosebumps. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32</b> - Obey my prophet! follow out the ordeals of my knowledge! seek me only! Then the joys of my love will redeem ye from all pain. This is so: I swear it by the vault of my body; by my sacred heart and tongue; by all I can give, by all I desire of ye all.<br /><b>33</b> - Then the priest fell into a deep trance or swoon, &amp; said unto the Queen of Heaven; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law!<br /><b>34</b> - But she said: the ordeals I write not: the rituals shall be half known and half concealed: the Law is for all. </div><br />Obey Aleister Crowley! Follow the "ordeals"! And then Crowley faints here but he continues to write in a trance... or so says the writing that he wrote. Can I get a witness?<br />Regardless, this unconscious man requested that Nuit details all of the ordeals/rituals and she's like... "Nah, I'll tell you like half of them but I'll make them really hard to understand so that everyone can make up their own minds and have a wholly unique experience whilst forever unsure whether or not they are correct".<br />I have looked deeper into and have long contemplated the "ordeals" term, and I have come to understand that they are obstacles in your life that you must overcome in order to gravitate closer to your True Will. While they may appear to be opposing challenges, they are instructions that will differ from person to person. Pursue your path according to your True Will and, when you're ready to receive them and level-up, they will present themselves to you. It's nice. It turns hardships into conquerable hurdles. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>36</b> - My scribe Ankh-af-na-khonsu, the priest of the princes, shall not in one letter change this book; but lest there be folly, he shall comment thereupon by the wisdom of Ra-Hoor-Khuit. </div><br />I made a jokey note at this point suggesting that maybe we <i>should</i> change some letters to make the book easier to understand lololol<br />Ankh-af-na-khonsui is a name given to Crowley back on line 14, which I didn't document for time's sake. In Egyptian mythology, Ankh-ef-en-Khonsu was a priest under the god Mentu, so I guess that's why it was chosen as a title for him?<br />Ra-Hoor-Khuit is the speaker for the third chapter so don't worry about that name too much just yet. All you need to note for now is this: if there are any mistakes in the text, it probably has some deeper meaning, you simply don't get it. At the same time, Crowley is allowed to go back and alter this text, claiming he did so under the guidance of a deity. Sure! Excellent "get out of jail free" clause, right? Cover your back from every form of attack! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>39</b> - The word of the Law is Θελημα. </div><br />Θελημα is Greek for Thelema, and hereby the religion's name has been formally announced, albeit in the most difficult manner possible, as per usual. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>40</b> - Who calls us Thelemites will do no wrong, if he look but close into the word. For there are therein Three Grades, the Hermit, and the Lover, and the man of Earth. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. </div><br />This verse is arguably the most crucial in all of these teachings, so prepare yourself.<br />The proposal that there are three so-called "grades" is very interesting, as each are different representatives in the stages of connecting to one's "True Will". I've looked into what these groups mean and have gathered up something to the effect of:<br /><br /> <i>The Man of the Earth</i> represents those who have found spiritual self-discipline and are dedicated to the Thelema practice.<br /><i>The Lover</i> is one who can communicate directly with divinity. Thelema is their life, there is nothing else they care for, they would die for the belief.<br />And, finally, <i>the Hermit</i> is one who has completely got rid of their ego and now gives nothing but light to the world. Chapter II Verse 24 will explain this in more detail, so just wait for that.<br /><br /> However, it is the final sentence which is of the highest significance. <strong><em>Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law</em></strong> is usually the first line anyone will uncover when seeking Thelema knowledge even if its meaning is very seldom understood. <br />As I noted in the introduction (and I quote me):<br /><i>"Scholars are still debating the finer details of what this means but most agree that it's not some simplistic cop-out to the likes of "do whatever you want". Rather, it is instructions to discover what it is you are meant to be doing, and as a result, uncovering your true path (or True Will, as it has come to be known). Once you are able to locate this individualistic energy, you will be in sync with the Universe and life itself shall collaborate with you, using all of its power to propel you forward if you choose to follow its guidance."</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>41</b> - The word of Sin is Restriction. 0 man! refuse not thy wife, if she will! 0 lover, if thou wilt, depart! There is no bond that can unite the divided but love: all else is a curse. Accursed! Accursed be it to the aeons! Hell. </div><br />From here and for a few lines following it talks about how previous belief systems were too restrictive in regards to sexual exploration and monogamy. Crowley himself was always a loud advocate of using sex to reach a stronger plain of magick, so it's not surprising this wangled its way in here.<br />There are those who believe that the sexual element of this text is a narrow-minded understanding, and this is more about the fair treatment and equality of the woman. For me, it's a disappointing issue. On paper, it may seem as if The Book of the Law is attempting to be all-inclusive of genders, but as we can see in black and white, it is wholly addressing the male. Like so many problematic scriptures, this is not written for a female audience in mind, which is something you'd hope a "progressive" philosophy and a "divine dictation" would have risen above. But noooo... <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>45</b> - The Perfect and the Perfect are one Perfect and not two; nay, are none!<br /><b>46</b> - Nothing is a secret key of this law. Sixty-one the Jews call it; I call it eight, eighty, four hundred &amp; eighteen.<br /><b>47</b> - But they have the half: unite by thine art so that all disappear. </div><br />Numbers numbers numbers! Mathematical operations! And yet, unlike maths, there is no one-size-fits-all solution! Everything is open to interpretation! Yiphee!<br />However, the importance of one number everyone agrees upon is the almighty <i>zero</i>.<br />If you recall, Nuit is eternal matter. Now think about zero. Is there any greater numerical representative of such a concept? No. <br />Zero is the midpoint of all numbers if you include the negatives, expanding in both directions for infinity.<br />Add zero to anything and it's like it wasn't even there.<br />Zero is indivisible by anything.<br />Multiply zero with anything or add it to itself and you get the same result.<br />The wonderful world of zero is undeniable.<br /><br />Looking at the next line (46), we see it said that the "Jews" call it "61", which works perfectly. According to the Jewish tradition of Kabbalah mysticism <i>AYN = 61</i>, which literally translates to "No Thing", right back to zero.<br /><br />From there is gets uber tricky especially if you don't have the patience. 8, 80, 418 are all causally mentioned. The significance of 418 was already covered back over at verse 20, so that's fine. Beyond that, you have an endless amount of scholars executing different equations to spurt out results that loosely connect to deeper symbolism, all of which sounds very clever as well as indulgent as well as inconclusive.<br />A personal favourite sum of mine is where you add those three numbers (8 + 80 + 418) to get 506. Reverse that for no reason whatsoever and now you have 605. Add the <i>Kabbalah AYN 61</i> back into the mix and ta-dah! 666! The freakin' number of the beast! A number that Crowley has always had a soft spot for.<br /><br /> If you're interested in some deeper studies on those numbers, check out <a href="http://aiwass.com/A_Secret_Key_Of_Thelema.html" target="_blank">this resource</a>. I liked the page a lot, I referred to it several times over my journey. <br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #ececec; padding: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 1.2em;"><b>SIDE STEP: JARED AND NUMEROLOGY</b></span><br /><br />During my second evaluation round (of many) during this article's creation, it was right at this point that something clicked inside of me then opened up. The relationship between mysticism and numerology is nothing new and, as a true universal language, it could perhaps be <i>the</i> Universe's language. One of logic. The simplest form of communication between all things. How we are being spoken to.<br /><br /> It's fascinating but it's also infinitely frustrating due to the vagueness of the contexts. You could research the topic to death and still never reach the bottom because a large majority of theories are up to personal perception. What's more, to make any progress whatsoever, you have to dedicate to a certain path of thought and kinda just swallow what you're being fed. The abundance of directions leave little space for uncertainty otherwise you'll end up stuck at the crossroads, squinting down different roads in the dark, unable to move without commitment.<br /><br /> On the other side of this, it was here where I found myself worrying that Crowley was taking everyone for a fool. He was well-versed in these topics, placing him in a powerful position of manipulation. He above anyone would know that if you shove a bunch of numbers onto paper without any binding information, the intellectual masses would cover the hypothetical work for you. They'll debate the meanings, they'll calculate a fancy method to reach somewhere else, and they'll come to some relatively satisfying conclusion. All the while the writer has simply spat out values mixed with some hazy mystical terminology and watched the fun unfurl. It's a difficult argument to prove or disprove. I doubt I'll ever be the one to crack these answers.<br /><br /> I'm also unsure how to <i>use</i> all of these numbers. Ok cool, I get it, 11, 418, 666, powerful stuff. So what now? Are we looking out for how these numbers manifest in our lives, giving us direction? Do we need to write these numbers down then set them on fire to summon a genie? At what point are we staying at home because we noticed the clock struck 12:34? The whole thing reminds me of astrology, really. I wholeheartedly believe that there may be some mechanics behind it all but it runs the risk of going too far, where people consent too readily, and ultimately alter their lives to appease something that has yet to be challenged properly.<br /><br /> I think these contemplations are very important and I will be taking them with me, away from The Book Of The Law. I'm excited to study these ideas further.</div><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>51</b> - There are four gates to one palace; the floor of that palace is of silver and gold, lapis lazuli &amp; jasper are there, and all rare scents jasmine &amp; rose, and the emblems of death. Let him enter in turn or at once the four gates; let him stand on the floor of the palace. Will he not sink? Amn. Ho! warrior, if thy servant sink? But there are means and means. Be goodly therefore: dress ye all in fine apparel eat rich foods and drink sweet wines and wines that foam. Also, take your fill and will of love as ye will, when, where and with whom ye will. But always unto me. </div><br />I struggled to find some coherent interpretation that the general people agreed upon with this one. The simplest suggestion was that the first half was describing a metaphorical place of initiation, loaded with so much symbolism that I wouldn't even try to stitch it together. I'd do it wrong.<br />However, the second part <i>(Be goodly therefore...)</i> is a much clearer address albeit suspiciously close to Crowley's general philosophies predating the book. Basically, do what you want. Get as intoxicated as you want, have sex with who you want, buy the material stuff you want, wherever your pleasure is headed, it's all good. Just make sure you do so in the name of Nuit, i.e in line with your True Will.<br />The teachings of Aleister (and, indeed, Thelema as a whole) were always about self-indulgence because it is said to bring us closer to divinity. Because <i>we are divinity</i> ourselves. Meaning that our wants are the shared wants of the divine, that's why we want them. You can't lose.<br />LaVeyan Satanism relays much of the same instructions, and you have to wonder just how much of Anton's work was directly inspired by (aka stolen from) these exact teachings. A large portion, guaranteed. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>54</b> - Change not as much as the style of a letter; for behold! thou, o prophet, shalt not behold all these mysteries hidden therein. </div><br />Even the shapes of the book's letter have additional meaning. If this is true, then more props to what's going on here. This helps to support the decision of including the handwritten notes in my edition. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>56</b> - Expect him not from the East, nor from the West; for from no expected house cometh that child. Aum! All words are sacred and all prophets true; save only that they understand a little; solve the first half of the equation, leave the second unattacked. But thou hast all in the clear light, and some, though not all, in the dark. </div><br />Harking back to what we touched on around 34, it's verses like this which settle my own position within the book. It's explaining that not even Crowley will ever completely unravel the mysteries of the universe through these words, and it's not up to him to do so anyway. You and I can add to this, running with certain interpretations, coming up with our own ideas, placing the pieces in new positions for others to move forward or back from. The heart of Thelema is individualism. It's ok to be confused and uncertain, for no one person is meant to understand The Book of the Law in full.<br />It also appears to suggest that all religions have some truth in them, which makes sense as well. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>57</b> - Invoke me under my stars. Love is the law, love under will. Nor let the fools mistake love; for there are love and love. There is the dove and there is the serpent. Choose ye well! He, my prophet, hath chosen, knowing the law of the fortress and the great mystery of the House of God.<br />All these old letters of my Book are aright; but צ is not the Star. This also is secret: my prophet shall reveal it to the wise. </div><br /><i>"Love is the law, love under will"</i> is one of the most repeated and therefore crucial lines in the book. We've already established that <i>"do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law"</i>, and that True Will is your destiny found within the harmonious existence between yourself and nature. Hence why it makes sense that it's <i>love</i> that drives everything. A love for life and a love for your fellow earthly creatures and a love for the source mechanics behind the curtain. Love feels right because it <i>is</i> right. It is the path that calls the loudest.<br />That is the "dove" love, whereas the "serpent" love could be interpreted as the "love" that other religions have offered, tainted by rules and ulterior motives. Although, it is worth mentioning that there are <i>plenty</i> of other interpretations for those metaphors.<br />Moving on: צ is the eighteenth letter of the "Semitic abjads" (languages), known as "Tsade" or "Tzaddi". This has something to do with the rearrangements of the Tarot, which Crowley ("my prophet") did eventually reveal to his readers ("the wise"), stating that Tzaddi who <i>was</i> the Star card, is now The Emperor card which he traded with the <i>Heh</i>, card. Oooh. I am obviously not wise because I feel nothing, but people all over the internet have accepted this as a completely logical and satisfying move. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>58</b> - I give unimaginable joys on earth: certainty, not faith, while in life, upon death; peace unutterable, rest, ecstasy; nor do I demand aught in sacrifice. </div><br />Also cool: unlike so many other (oft-Abrahamic) religions, the rewards of Nuit do not come after death. They come during your lifetime, which is obvz way better, I'm sure you'll agree. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>60</b> - My number is 11, as all their numbers who are of us. The Five Pointed Star, with a Circle in the Middle, &amp; the circle is Red. My colour is black to the blind, but the blue &amp; gold are seen of the seeing. Also I have a secret glory for them that love me. </div><br />11!<br />People have a lot of varying numerological and geometrical explanations for this, but I get it on a higher level. Nuit is describing their logo! Business branding is important, yo! We need our markings to be consistent according to set company guidelines!<br />It's just a fucking pentagram anyway. So original! Although, considering this book was first published in 1909, it actually was...<br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #ececec; padding: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 1.2em;"><b>SIDE STEP: QUICK PENTAGRAM HISTORY LESSON</b></span><br /><br /> While the pentagram has an extensive timeline behind it, there was a period when the (upright) symbol was primarily considered holy to Christianity, representing the five senses and/or the five wounds of Jesus. So, naturally, if you opposed Christ, you'd flip it around, a much more popular practice with the crucifix but it happened here too.<br /><br /> Around 1854, it was occult author/magician Éliphas Lévi who noted that the star should always be upright, <i>"with the topmost triangle pointing to heaven, for it is the seat of wisdom"</i>, while a <i>"reversed pentagram, with two points projecting upwards, is a symbol of evil and attracts sinister forces because it overturns the proper order of things and demonstrates the triumph of matter over spirit. It is the goat of lust attacking the heavens with its horns, a sign execrated by initiates."</i><br /><br /> 50 years after that notable quote, and here we have Nuit praising the power of the shape, but there is some confusion. On <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5aoKIpBCjC/" target="_blank">the cover of my edition</a>, the pentagram is inverted in that evilly-weavely way, but that could easily be a cheap marketing ploy. Almost everywhere else I look, the Thelemic use of the symbol is presented upright, which is generally associated with Wicca above anything sinister (representing the five elements including the spirit).<br /><br /> And, anyway, the more common symbol associated with Thelemites today is the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicursal_hexagram#/media/File:Crowley_unicursal_hexagram.svg" target="_blank">six-pointed unicursal hexagram</a>. The shape is said to represent the dynamic between Nuit and Hadit lifting one another up, as well as the planetary bodies of Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Sol, Venus, Mercury, and our moon, Luna. Although it must be noted that there's a five-petalled flower in the centre which is what holds the place for the five-pointed pentagram, giving us the aforementioned 5 + 6 = 11. Abrahadabra!<br /><br /> Regardless, this is not what Nuit ordered! There is no mention if the hexagram in The Book of the Law! Blasphemy!!<br /><br /> Moving on and, around 1966, Anton LaVey got his grubby little paws on the pentagram design and shoved it to the forefront of his bastardised (yet immensely popular) version of Satanism, provoking pentagram panic in the parents ever since. </div><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>63</b> - Sing the rapturous love-song unto me! Burn to me perfumes! Wear to me jewels! Drink to me, for I love you! I love you! </div><br />Nice god though!<br />If you're interested in some ritual instructions, check out 61 and 62 in your own time. I did not include them. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>66</b> - The Manifestation of Nuit is at an end. </div><br />Due to Crowley's obsession with the Number of the Beast, it seems highly convenient that this first part of the book ends on Verse 66. Something about an "all-knowing divine energy" concluding at this exact number feels like a wink too loud for me to be comfortable with.<br /><br /> Anyways, Nuit has had her say and we move onto Chapter 2... <br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2017/03/i-read-satanic-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank"><img alt="I Read the Satanic Bible So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EooG20zLp6I/WL6A-b7WhTI/AAAAAAAAI1A/ZmDj-zHaR5Q5QeoNGuFzzKByOd-fjS0vgCLcB/s1600/17March66-I-Read-The-Satanic-Bible.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2017/03/i-read-satanic-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">I Read the Satanic Bible So You Don't Have To</a></div> <div class="theparts">II </div><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1</b> - Nu! the hiding of Hadit.<br /><b>2</b> - Come! all ye, and learn the secret that hath not yet been revealed. I, Hadit, am the complement of Nu, my bride. I am not extended, and Khabs is the name of my House. </div><br />You have unlocked a new character! Entering, Hadit!<br />When Aiwass was speaking for Nuit through Rose Edith written out by Aleister, there was already much mention of Hadit. But who is Hadit? I wish I had some simple answer for you, but deep down you knew I did not.<br />In early Egyptian beliefs, Hadit is also known as the Horus of Behdet, the sun-god as well as the god of every other star. I have also read many who refer to Hadit as the "inner spirit of man", argued as the Holy Ghost.<br />Regardless of historic details, Hadit is the counterpart to Nuit. After picking apart various interpretations and meandering between debates on the internet, how I've come to understand their dynamic is like this: Nuit is all of space, an existence consisting of essentially nothing but the emptiness required for other matter to grow. Hadit is the power to initiate and facilitate that growth, which would have nowhere to grow if not for the space of Nuit.<br />If you're a millennial, another way to put it is like this: Nuit is Instagram, a platform of invisible code which allows content to exist without actually producing any content itself. Hadit is what happens when your thumb hits the post button. It is the content running through the code until producing that unique result on the other end.<br />Nuit is the blank slate of possibility, all-encompassing of everything, the <i>ZERO</i>.<br />Hadit is the manifestation process of these things into reality, the universal energy observing itself and realising itself into existence, the on-switch to Nuit's circuit board, the <i>ONE</i>.<br />And here he is, "not extended" (like the infinite Nuit) but a singular manifested point of many manifested points.<br />He lives in the Khabs, which is the star, which is within you, which <i>is</i> you. And he's promising us more secrets. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5</b> - Behold! the rituals of the old time are black. Let the evil ones be cast away; let the good ones be purged by the prophet! Then shall this Knowledge go aright. </div><br />Basically saying that the religions that came before are wrong (but every religion says that!) and Crowley needs to sort it out.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6</b> - I am the flame that burns in every heart of man, and in the core of every star. I am Life, and the giver of Life, yet therefore is the knowledge of me the knowledge of death.<br /><b>7</b> - I am the Magician and the Exorcist. I am the axle of the wheel, and the cube in the circle. “Come unto me” is a foolish word: for it is I that go. </div><br />Lines like this are what supports the theory that Hadit is the "inner spirit of man" or your soul/energy. And this is the same energy of everything, the core of every star both literally (as in the sun and the like) and figuratively (as in you and me, every man and woman, as we are stars). This energy is what keeps us alive, and this is the energy we lose when we die.<br />Meanwhile, the line '<i>“Come unto me” is a foolish word: for it is I that go.'</i> is one of my top favourites phrases from the entire book. Surely a potent backhand to other scripture too.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10</b> - O prophet! thou hast ill will to learn this writing.<br /><b>11</b> - I see thee hate the hand &amp; the pen; but I am stronger. </div><br />Here Hadit is speaking directly to Crowley, acknowledging that the man is unable to stop writing these words because Haidt/Aiwass is controlling the pen. If true, this is actually hilarious. The diety is trying to explain to Aleister what's happening, but because everything it says gets documented, even these words are now part of the book, read and followed by Thelemites around the globe. I almost like to think Hadit realised his mistake here and thought, "Oops! Look what I made him write!" then continued preaching as if nothing happened.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15</b> - For I am perfect, being Not; and my number is nine by the fools; but with the just I am eight, and one in eight: Which is vital, for I am none indeed. The Empress and the King are not of me; for there is a further secret.<br /><b>16</b> - I am The Empress &amp; the Hierophant. Thus eleven, as my bride is eleven. </div><br />Hadit is also a number ninja, no surprises. And, annoyingly, I can't seem to find any satisfactory explanations for these chosen values. Even texts written by Crowley were very vague on this part. <br />Some little bits I picked up: in occult Tarot, the Fool card is often numbered as a 0. This number's significance has already been explained back with Nuit (Chapter 1, 45 - 46) hence why, as part of Nuit, Hadit can also be considered "none indeed". He's the spirit, after all.<br />Looking back at those same lines by Nuit (Chapter 1, 45 - 46), number 8 is mentioned there as it is here. That might mean something, I'm unsure, and I'm not convinced anyone else is either.<br />Thankfully, the next line is much easier. 11 is already established as an important number by Nuit, and she is referred to here as Hadit's "bride" which is certainly symbolic. Furthermore, in Tarot land, the Empress' number is III while the Hierophant is V.<br />3 + 5 = 8, so once again, we're establishing this as a significant digit for Hadit and Thelema.<br />Another interesting fact that people have pointed out is that the letters E M P R E S S K I N G from line 15 are 11 in number. This might mean something but also COME ON.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19</b> - Is a God to live in a dog? No! but the highest are of us. They shall rejoice, our chosen: who sorroweth is not of us. </div><br />To say Thelema is essentially Pantheistic in its fundamental teachings (that everything is an extension of a collective all-encompassing God) is somewhat inaccurate. Rather, it leans more towards a Panentheistic point of view (that everything is part of that same collective but God is greater than the sum of its parts).<br />In terms of this line (and I guess Thelema as a whole), the chosen Thelemites are a closer form to God than the people who are not. The dog (an ananym of God, intentional, I'm sure) is chosen as the comparison point for such people, used to illustrate their position as a lower point. This ignores the hard fact that dogs are the coolest beings ever.<br /><br /> This was the first major point in the book that contradicted my belief when it came to the Universe and, indeed, my understanding of Hadit/Thelema. Is he not the manifestation of all things? Perhaps once a being is manifested, Hadit's job is done? But he continues to reside/thrive in those who follow their True Will? By serving said Will, is that how we activate our inner Hadit? Could we argue that those who move closer to their True Will are more alive than others?<br /><br />Regardless, I'm not crazy about this and my core path disagrees with this teaching on a fundamental level. All energy is equal in all creatures. Dogs are stars too.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21</b> - We have nothing with the outcast and the unfit: let them die in their misery. For they feel not. Compassion is the vice of kings: stamp down the wretched &amp; the weak: this is the law of the strong: this is our law and the joy of the world. Think not, o king, upon that lie: That Thou Must Die: verily thou shalt not die, but live. Now let it be understood: If the body of the King dissolve, he shall remain in pure ecstasy for ever. Nuit! Hadit! Ra-Hoor-Khuit! The Sun, Strength &amp; Sight, Light; these are for the servants of the Star &amp; the Snake. </div><br />More personal trouble: As Chapter II went on and I started to find my place in all of it, bit by bit I grew less agreeable with what Hadit was saying. The fundamentals click with my philosophies perfectly (the energy within us lives forever) but this "survival of the fittest" concept is horrifically outdated in many respects (even during the time it was written).<br />By the "unfit" and "weak" does this mean physically? Because some of our greatest minds are housed in the frailest bodies. Or does it mean mentally? Or weak-willed? None of this matters, for if every man and woman is a star, then we must recognise that each of them has value to offer to the collective, right? Weakness is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?<br />Even worse is if Hadit is referring to non-Thelemites and/or those who are not pursuing "True Will". Let those die in misery? Stamp down on them? These aggressive suggestions, no matter how literal or figurative, are the problems I have with every other (usually Abrahamic) scripture I have read. Smite those who believe differently? Fuck off. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22</b> - I am the Snake that giveth Knowledge &amp; Delight and bright glory, and stir the hearts of men with drunkenness. To worship me take wine and strange drugs whereof I will tell my prophet, &amp; be drunk thereof! They shall not harm ye at all. It is a lie, this folly against self. The exposure of innocence is a lie. Be strong, o man! lust, enjoy all things of sense and rapture: fear not that any God shall deny thee for this. </div><br />This is a fun one! I mean, how often does a religious scripture not only encourage getting messed up on drugs and alcohol, but does so with the promise that it shall never harm you?<br />Some of the more cautious interpretation I've read are quick to point out that this only applies to those following their True Will. Most people will find that drugs/alcohol are not in accordance with their best path. And even when considering those who have destroyed their lives with intoxicants, its true that their energy can not be harmed, as energy can neither be created nor destroyed.<br />One point worth noting is that "wine" and "strange drugs" were very much part of Crowley path of True Will (according to, well, Crowley) so it's no surprises that some justification for his debauchery would find its way into these texts. Just once I'd love for a committed non-drug user to receive a divine message to pursue naughty chemicals. That would be a wonderful little sacrifice on their part.<br />Finally, we cannot ignore the repeated connection between Hadit and the snake, certainly an intentional allusion to the Biblical creature promising much of the same outcomes. As an excellent researcher pointed out, this verse is strikingly similar to <i>Mark 16:18</i> which states <i>"They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23</b> - I am alone: there is no God where I am. </div><br />This is a strong line which I have found no satisfactory explanation for. It feels like it comes out of nowhere. If a person said this to me, it would sound like a cry for help.<br />Why is Hadit alone? Where is Nuit? Is this because Nuit is zero? It doesn't connect.<br />Probably the most pleasing answer I read was that God has no God, but from where I am within these teachings, this does not vibrate quite right with me. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24</b> - Behold! these be grave mysteries; for there are also of my friends who be hermits. Now think not to find them in the forest or on the mountain; but in beds of purple, caressed by magnificent beasts of women with large limbs, and fire and light in their eyes, and masses of flaming hair about them; there shall ye find them. Ye shall see them at rule, at victorious armies, at all the joy; and there shall be in them a joy a million times greater than this. Beware lest any force another, King against King! Love one another with burning hearts; on the low men trample in the fierce lust of your pride, in the day of your wrath. </div><br />If you remember Chapter 1 Verse 40, the "hermits" are the highest "grade" of Thelemites. I didn't fully understand why they were named as such until this very point in the book (after the third or fourth time I read it).<br />To be a hermit is an undesirable trait as far as standard society is raised to believe, but in this context, the actions of a hermit does not always equate into hiding. Rather, it speaks of individuals who have broken away from those who surrounded them, now growing on their own path, no longer influenced by or dependent on the company they once kept. Christ, do I get this. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>27</b> - There is great danger in me; for who doth not understand these runes shall make a great miss. He shall fall down into the pit called Because, and there he shall perish with the dogs of Reason. </div><br />My initial notes jotted down this verse because I thought it was "poetic". I stand by this reason for inclusion.<br />The basic meaning is to not overthink these teachings because they exist outside of the realms of logic. Kinda like most religious texts, but I get it. The spirit is not logical nor should it ever have to be. Logic is the brain's problem. Leave divinity to the soul. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30</b> - If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops &amp; does nought.<br /><b>31</b> - If Power asks why, then is Power weakness. </div><br />I'm quite into the capitalisation of words like Because and Reason and Will. It's personifying them, no?<br />Regardless, this makes sense too. If you're following your True Will, do not stop to question it, just go with it. If you second guess or hesitate, the Will may cease its motion. It needs no reason. The fastest way to lose your power is to debate your power. You immediately become powerless in the action of doubt. <br /><br />From here it repeats much of the same stuff I feel we've covered before. Don't question the infinite but rise up and perform the rituals. Hadit then lists the dates that are sacred to the religion and must be feasted, which are as follows:<br /><br /> <b>March 20th:</b> The Equinox of the Gods.<br /><b>April 8th, 9th, 10th:</b> the dates that the Book of the Law were written/dictated.<br /><b>August 12th:</b> "The first night of the Prophet and his Bride" i.e: when Aleister and Rose Kelly got married.<br />Any date that a boy or girl hits puberty.<br />Any date that coincides with a birth or a death.<br />Plus a feast every day and night anyway, which negates everything that was just instructed.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>39</b> - A feast for Tahuti and the child of the Prophet–secret, O Prophet! </div><br />Among all of these dates of celebration, Hadit casually drops this mysterious feast which is so secret that nobody is willing to disclose it. Most Thelemites confess they have no idea what it is. Crowley has refused to divulge any information to the uninitiated. I did find some people who claim that it was revealed to them but they will not go any further. It's more than likely my birthday.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>48</b> - Pity not the fallen! I never knew them. I am not for them. I console not: I hate the consoled &amp; the consoler. </div><br />Once again, don't show any sympathy/empathy for those who suffer or die. Let the weak perish, it'll only slow you down to give them attention. As per before, this is far removed from my belief system. Perhaps pity is a waste of energy but only if it stops there. We can use pity to take action.<br />Although one <i>small</i> justification I could <i>maybe</i> accept is that once someone has passed, Hadit has essentially left their presence (their soul electricity has gone) and so he is no longer a part of that narrative, they do not concern him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>49</b> - I am unique &amp; conqueror. I am not of the slaves that perish. Be they damned &amp; dead! Amen. (This is of the 4: there is a fifth who is invisible, &amp; therein am I as a babe in an egg. ) </div><br />A babe in an egg though, you guys!<br />If you remember Chapter 1 Verse 7, we discussed the voice of Aiwass who is speaking through Rose. He was referred to as the minister of Hoor-paar kraat. Hoor-paar kraat is Harpocrates, a Greek adaptation of the Egyptian god Horus, known as the "Babe in the Egg of Blue that sits upon the lotus flower in the Nile".<br />No surprises but there are multiple ways to look at this. As Horus/Harpocrates are said to be in control of the skies/stars/sun (the ultimate manifestation of energy, another responsibility of Hadit), and these principles could be considered "invisible" Spirit elements, it's talking about the 5th point of the Wiccan pentagram, ruling over (or under!) the four classical elements: Earth, Water, Fire, Air.<br />This does appear somewhat disconnected from Hadit's previous ramblings about how people can die and he doesn't care, but they are in parentheses so the break is somewhat clean. Maybe? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>52</b> - There is a veil: that veil is black. It is the veil of the modest woman; it is the veil of sorrow, &amp; the pall of death: this is none of me. Tear down that lying spectre of the centuries: veil not your vices in virtuous words: these vices are my service; ye do well, &amp; I will reward you here and hereafter. </div><br />A straightforward message to women, instructing them to forsake their modesty and be free from the sexual shackles that society has placed upon them. On the one hand, I agree, the repression of women in this regard is long outdated and is disappearing fast. Then again, I am always wary of a man who tells women to do this. It's exactly what you'd say to a group of women when you wanted to fuck them all. Trust me, I'm a man, I know how we work, we're the worst. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>55</b> - Thou shalt obtain the order &amp; value of the English Alphabet; thou shalt find new symbols to attribute them unto. </div><br />A new alphabet is coming, which Crowley understood as being an "English Qabalah". He never got round to creating this before his death and it's unlikely anyone ever will. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>56</b> - Begone! ye mockers; even though ye laugh in my honour ye shall laugh not long: then when ye are sad know that I have forsaken you. </div><br />Such a tangent, but the last sentence of this verse is quite similar to Marilyn Manson's lyric <i>"When you are suffering, know that I have betrayed you"</i> from the hidden <i>Track 99</i> on the artist's acclaimed 1996 album <em>Antichrist Superstar</em>. This is the final line from the entire record. I googled it and other people have made this connection before me, so I'm not special once again. <br /><br />The text then goes on an ego trip for a few more lines. Thelemites are the best, no one can harm them, everyone else is below them, everyone should serve you or go to Hell, pay them no mind blah blah.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>62</b> - I am uplifted in thine heart; and the kisses of the stars rain hard upon thy body.<br /><b>63</b> - Thou art exhaust in the voluptuous fullness of the inspiration; the expiration is sweeter than death, more rapid and laughterful than a caress of Hell’s own worm. </div><br />I really like how this is written. Everyone agrees that it's quite a sexually suggestive choice of words.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>66</b> - Write, &amp; find ecstasy in writing! Work, &amp; be our bed in working! Thrill with the joy of life &amp; death! Ah! thy death shall be lovely: whososeeth it shall be glad. Thy death shall be the seal of the promise of our age long love. Come! lift up thine heart &amp; rejoice! We are one; we are none. </div><br />A lot of varying details in this one verse.<br /> Firstly, Hadit is addressing Crowley directly again. As some have pointed out, there appears to be a substantial mood shift in Aleister from yesterday. In Chapter 1 Verse 32, he was fainting from the work, but here he is scribbling in ecstasy. Improvement!<br />Secondly is the matter of Crowley's death that Hadit is assuring will be "lovely" and whoever sees it "shall be glad". Now while I'm sure many people would have wanted to see Crowley die for assorted reasons, the truth is that he died penniless as a hopeless junkie. That said, maybe what he experienced in his mind during the passing could have been lovely, none of us will truly know. I can't find any reputable reports that anyone witnessed this death and could attest to the nature of the atmosphere. There are also those who believe this part has nothing to do with Crowley whatsoever and is instead a general addressing all Thelemites.<br />Finally, we have references to ONE and ZERO again. The sex theme from those documented lines previous are also alluded to here with the suggestion of the bed. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>67</b> - Hold! Hold! Bear up in thy rapture; fall not in swoon of the excellent kisses!<br /><b>68</b> - Harder! Hold up thyself! Lift thine head! breathe not so deep — die!<br /><b>69</b> - Ah! Ah! What do I feel? Is the word exhausted? </div><br />And, again, Hadit gets super sexual for some reason. I don't know why this happened at the end of this chapter. It reads like he orgasmed during Verse 69 too which is just... <i>hilarious</i>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>70</b> - There is help &amp; hope in other spells. Wisdom says: be strong! Then canst thou bear more joy. Be not animal; refine thy rapture! If thou drink, drink by the eight and ninety rules of art: if thou love, exceed by delicacy; and if thou do aught joyous, let there be subtlety therein!<br /><b>71</b> - But exceed! exceed! </div><br />For a philosophy (and a man) famed for excess, this verse took me by surprise.<br />Sure, it encourages one to drink and love in abundance but we must not become like an animal. The key is on 71. It's not about excess. It's about excelling in all walks of life. Learn what it is that brings you joy and get better at it. Progress the art of it rather than bury yourself beneath it in a repetitive fashion. It's sound advice. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>73</b> - Ah! Ah! Death! Death! thou shalt long for death. Death is forbidden, o man, unto thee.<br /><b>73</b> - The length of thy longing shall be the strength of its glory. He that lives long &amp; desires death much is ever the King among the Kings. </div><br />As straightforward as these lines appear on paper, I feel like there's something here that everyone is missing, but not a damn do I know what that would be. Noting that "death is forbidden" probably ties into the notion that we can't die because our star energy is eternal.<br />As for the next line, it's confusing. It almost appears as if it's encouraging suicidal thoughts but we know that's not the case. I read one interpretation that, once again, drew similarities to this and sex, where death is the same as an orgasm, a result that one should desire but also delay as long as possible to maximise the relief. I like that so I'll go with that one. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>76</b> - 4 6 3 8 A B K 2 4 A L G M O R 3 Y X 24 89 R P S T O V A L. What meaneth this, o prophet? Thou knowest not; nor shalt thou know ever. There cometh one to follow thee: he shall expound it. But remember, o chose none, to be me; to follow the love of Nu in the star-lit heaven; to look forth upon men, to tell them this glad word. </div><br />So here's the biggest splurge of crypticness from Hadit, the <i>Riddle of AL</i>, a secret code that even Crowley will never understand, meant for someone else to come along and crack, according to the diety. Is it me??<br />Some people have <a href="http://www.gmkelly.com/riddle.html" target="_blank">given it a good go</a>, others reckon that it's a bunch of nonsense used primarily to take power away from Aleister, ensuring that the rest of us understand that this is each our own personal journeys of individualism, that there will always be mysteries for us to discover. Personally, I can only currently accept that suggestion. No supposed translation has satisfied me and how could it? What could it possibly say that would justify such an obscure delivery? Some things are most effective when left in the dark.<br />But Hadit is quick to soften the blow regardless of how deep into the riddle you manage to get. He addresses his "prophet" directly but it seems likely to me that he's talking to all people. And his message is clear: remember "to be me" and follow the "love of Nu in the star-lit heaven". We are the manifestation of divinity (Hadit), so <i>be</i> that. And the all-encompassing Nuit is our collective source code, the "higher power" so many scriptures talk about, and we must put our faith into her with love. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>78</b> - Lift up thyself! for there is none like unto thee among men or among Gods! Lift up thyself, o my prophet, thy stature shall surpass the stars. They shall worship thy name, foursquare, mystic, wonderful, the number of the man; and the name of thy house 418. </div><br />It appears many Thelemites skew everything addressed to Crowley towards themselves, taking it as a general message rather than specifics to the "prophet". This one seems particularly tailored towards the man who is essentially writing about himself, having a wonderful time in the fantasy of his future of worship, but if you want to water this down as if we are all special, then you're not alone.<br />418 comes up again here which we covered in Chapter 1 Verse 20 as a very special number, often tied into the magick of <i>Abrahadabra</i>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>79</b> - The end of the hiding of Hadit; and blessing &amp; worship to the prophet of the lovely Star! </div><br />And that's all from Hadit. Thanks for coming! <br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank"><img alt="I Read the Bible So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e58KApdqojs/XamXiwLdPqI/AAAAAAAAOdc/HYmCwEJAzCUh2eNygK967jNE_DQShdNwACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Oct18-I-Read-the-Bible.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">I Read the Bible So You Don't Have To</a></div> <div class="theparts">III </div><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1</b> - Abrahadabra; the reward of Ra Hoor Khut. </div><br />Enter Ra Hoor Khut, hello. This is the third and final entity in the book.<br />We've already discussed the similarly named Hoor-paar-kraat in Chapter 1 Verse 7. The connection between the two has never been fully established but as Ra Hoor Khut translates to "Ra, Horus on the Horizon" it does appear like it's another manifestation of Horus, probably with a mix with Ra (as was often the process in ancient Egyptian religion), another sky God. For reasons of conciseness I, like many, shall often refer to this entity as Horus, especially as this is the representative for our current Æon of the same name.<br />What's also interesting about this line is the use of the word "Abrahadabra". We've discussed it in great deal as we've gone along with it as the "secret word"(aka "the key of rituals") of Thelema, but this is the first time the book has explicitly used the term itself. I suppose when searching for the word in question, Crowley scanned the text for clues and concluded this was it due to its 11 letters and 418 Gematria number value. Personally, I am not convinced this <i>is</i> the word and I'm surprised everyone has so easily accepted it as so. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3</b> - Now let it be first understood that I am a god of War and of Vengeance. I shall deal hardly with them. </div><br />Almost immediately we come to realise that Ra Hoor Khut/Horus isn't exactly the friendliest of entities. In fact, many scholars (including Crowley) have expressed difficulty in understanding this chapter, often for reasons just like this. Oh, how far we have strayed from Nuit's <i>Love is the law</i> style of teachings.<br />I've read some attempts at blurring the literal, where the war could be an internal one for each of us, but I don't buy it. A more popular suggestion is that such a blunt approach is necessary for our new age to move forward, a demand for change. But how can anyone in their right mind support such a violent notion? It's a tough one. <br />Another point of interest is how the use of the word "hardly" has been debated in two contrary contexts. Hardly as in <i>scarcely</i> or <i>harshly</i>? This is going to be a long chapter. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4</b> - Choose ye an island!<br /><b>5</b> - Fortify it!<br /><b>6</b> - Dung it about with enginery of war!<br /><b>7</b> - I will give you a war-engine.<br /><b>8</b> - With it ye shall smite the peoples; and none shall stand before you.<br /><b>9</b> - Lurk! Withdraw! Upon them! this is the Law of the Battle of Conquest: thus shall my worship be about my secret house. </div><br />This is an uncharacteristically straightforward series of statements right here. Horus will help you to build a strong structure from where you can destroy those who oppose you. <br />Thankfully, a lot of scholars warn to not take this too literally, as these teachings could be referring to an internal fortress which one must strengthen via means of meditation or magick or whatever, fighting off forces within you or outside of you that interfere with your True Will (otherwise known as the ordeals). I can get on board with this, although the use of the word "peoples" on Verse 8 is suspicious. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11</b> - This shall be your only proof. I forbid argument. Conquer! That is enough. I will make easy to you the abstruction from the ill-ordered house in the Victorious City. Thou shalt thyself convey it with worship, o prophet, though thou likest it not. Thou shalt have danger &amp; trouble. Ra-Hoor-Khu is with thee. Worship me with fire &amp; blood; worship me with swords &amp; with spears. Let the woman be girt with a sword before me: let blood flow to my name. Trample down the Heathen; be upon them, o warrior, I will give you of their flesh to eat! </div><br />Of all the verses in the book, this is possibly the one I have the greatest issue with. It reminds me too much of God's maniacal ramblings in the Old Testament. It sounds like madness and the words are beyond troublesome.<br />Do not argue with the instructions, just obey, go and kill people with weapons, make them bleed, eat their flesh, do not worry for Horus shall protect you. The parallels between this and the Bible are undeniable but also unforgivable due to the millennia that separate the texts. It puts me off the whole thing. <br />The only enjoyment I got from this verse was the writings of those placid Thelemites who do their best to swing these teachings into a positive light. They struggle and they get nowhere but they try very hard. Props to them. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12</b> - Sacrifice cattle, little and big: after a child.<br /><b>13</b> - But not now. </div><br />"But not now", that's probably for the best.<br />Once again, many Thelemites have attepted to quickly dust these lines in a more socially acceptable direction, to varying degrees of success... <i>(see below)</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14</b> - Ye shall see that hour, o blessed Beast, and thou the Scarlet Concubine of his desire!<br /><b>15</b> - Ye shall be sad thereof. </div><br />On May the 1st, 1906 (about two years after this book's writing, according to the writer), Aleister and Rose's one-year-old daughter, Lilith, died of typhoid. Many Thelemites (Aleister included) now consider lines 12-15 to be a prophecy foreshadowing this moment which not only eases our concerns over line 12 and weirdly fits in with the wording, but is also really horrible. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17</b> - Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything. Money fear not, nor laughter of the folk folly, nor any other power in heaven or upon the earth or under the earth. Nu is your refuge as Hadit your light; and I am the strength, force, vigour, of your arms. </div><br />The last line here is a concise summary of each entity's role within this book. Nuit is the universe which homes and nurtures you, keeping you safe from essentially herself. Hadit is the energy or light within that can guide you. Meanwhile, Ra Hoor Khut is your power to remove obstacles by any means necessary, which I think has been made abundantly clear already. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19</b> - That stélé they shall call the Abomination of Desolation; count well its name, &amp; it shall be to you as 718. </div><br />Another number!<br />Annoyingly, after many years of struggle, Aleister Crowley concluded that 718 = 666. How he arrived at that predictable solution is fucking impossible to decipher. I actually posted on the Thelema subreddit looking for an explanation and no one could give it to me. But I tried my best and below is as far as I got.<br /><br /> So a "stélé" is an ancient stone (or wooden) slab erected as a monument, usually with some text on it.<br />The “<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stele_of_Ankh-ef-en-Khonsu" target="_blank">Stélé of Revealing</a>” (aka the Stele of Ankh-ef-en-Khonsu) plays a considerable role in Thelema. When Rose started receiving revelations, Aleister took her to the Egyptian Museum to see if she could recognise any of the deities. She pointed out Horus in this exact Stele. And wouldn't you know it? The catalogue's number was 666.<br /><br />Quoting Crowley exactly:<br /><i>"I scribbled the word CTHAH and added it up. the result is 546, when CT counts as 500, or 52, when CT is 6, a frequent usage, as in CTAYPOS, whose number is thus 777."</i><br /><br /> So from CTHAH he got the number 52, which is great, because <i>666 + 52 = 718</i>. Solved!<br />Except... how did he get 52???<br /><br /> It starts with the Greek word for "stele", which is Στηλη. As above, Aleister noted that this looks similar to CTHAH using the English alphabet.<br />What appears Crowley did then was change CT/Στ to ϛ which is a commonplace move in Greek, known as a "<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigma_(letter)" target="_blank">stigma</a>".<br />This stigma ϛ is also the numerical symbol for 6, so there's the <i>"when CT is 6"</i> Crowley said! We've cracked that part of the code.<br />Beyond that... I have very little idea. If we remove the CT/Στ/ϛ from CTHAH/Στηλη, we get HAH/ηλη.<br />On a side note, Google translates the Greek ηλη into the English word Sun. That's crazy in itself, but I have no idea how that connects. <br />Meanwhile, if you drop an <i>H</i> from either side of HAH and run HA or AH through <a href="https://www.gematrix.org/" target="_blank">English Gematria</a> you get 54. That's almost a eureka moment because 54 and 6 together is 546 which Crowley also mentioned in his quote.<br /><i>BUT</i>, that's the wrong number from the sentence. We need the 52 in order to turn 666 into 718. <i>6 - 4 = 2</i> added to the 5 is 52? Does that make sense? No? Damnit, Crowley! Why don't you just show your work!<br /><br />And then I was like... why am I spending so much time on this? What does it actually matter? So I stopped there. I haven't found another source on the internet that even came as close as I did to working this out though. Come at me, bro. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22</b> - The other images group around me to support me: let all be worshipped, for they shall cluster to exalt me. I am the visible object of worship; the others are secret; for the Beast &amp; his Bride are they: and for the winners of the Ordeal x. What is this? Thou shalt know. </div><br />Like any delicious verse, this piece comes with an abundance of ambiguous statements which has left the door wide open for various teeth of interpretation to slide in any which way they like.<br />The "other images" referred to could be an encouragement to use as much symbolism as possible in your rituals. Any additional items included will make the connection stronger, which goes for most Paganistic traditions too.<br />Where Ra Hoor Khut claims he is the "visible object of worship" this can be put into two ways as far as I can evaluate.<br />On one hand, it could be a reference to the gods of other religions, never visible, their very presence questionable.<br />On the other, this could be talking about Nuit and Hadit. Nuit being the all-encompassing universe while Hadit is the energy which has propelled matter forward into the physical realm, both invisible entities.<br />Either way, this clarifies Horus' role in the sequence. He is right there, the figure of the final step in manifestation: <i>the manifested</i>. Horus is the physical form that you are; visible and tangible.<br />Moving on, Ordeal X is another one of those complicated topics that is said to mean something different to everyone and which even Aleister Crowley refused to write much about. It seems obvious to me that this would the Final Ordeal, as in the last hurdle one has to conquer in order to slip into the middle of the True Will stream. You won't know what this is for you personally until you suddenly reach it but, once you cross over, you will be the "winner" much like the "Beast and his bride" (Aleister and Rose). <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23</b> - For perfume mix meal &amp; honey &amp; thick leavings of red wine: then oil of Abramelin and olive oil, and afterward soften &amp; smooth down with rich fresh blood<br /><b>24</b> - The best blood is of the moon, monthly: then the fresh blood of a child, or dropping from the host of heaven: then of enemies; then of the priest or of the worshippers: last of some beast, no matter what.<br /><b>25</b> - This burn: of this make cakes &amp; eat unto me. This hath also another use; let it be laid before me and kept thick with perfumes of your orison: it shall become full of beetles as it were and creeping things sacred unto me. </div><br />Right, so, Thelemites have some interesting recipes for you to do at home, including anointing oil (Verse 23) and "Cakes of Light".<br />Focusing on the cakes and we have already run into some concerns. The main ingredient is blood which can be sourced from multiple places.<br />The best blood to use is menstrual blood, which is a refreshing change from the Abrahamic religions which consider this monthly period to be "unclean". Crowley is like, nah, eat that shit, it's the greatest!<br />The second is "the fresh blood of a child". Now there are very few places in time where this troublesome suggestion would be acceptable, hence why everyone (including Aleister) have rushed to clean up the definition. And, to be fair, they did a good job. This is not blood from a baby, but rather, the blood (or general fluid) from the act of fornication, i.e: the <i>making</i> of the child, a "dropping from the host of heaven". Semen, female arousal fluid and, yes, even penetration blood are all welcome in this cake, yum yum! That said, maybe Horus was like <i>"No, I meant baby blood, how much clearer can I be!"</i> we don't know.<br />Next up, the blood of your enemies, then of a priest/worshipper and then, finally, when there are no other options, any old blood will have to do, I guess.<br />And then you eat it! Hooray! Although if you're not keen on that, you can burn it or feed it to bugs as a similar offering to the gods. Interesting side fact: "creeping things" as a blanket term for insects was used in the Bible too, which I always thought was adorable. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26</b> - These slay, naming your enemies &amp; they shall fall before you.<br /><b>27</b> - Also these shall breed lust &amp;amp power of lust in you at the eating thereof.<br /><b>28</b> - Also ye shall be strong in war.<br /><b>29</b> - Moreover, be they long kept, it is better; for they swell with my force. All before me. </div><br />But why would anyone make these blood cakes in the first place? Here's why. They will make you horny and help you to slay your enemies. But remember: the longer you can keep these cakes rotting on your shelf, the stronger their power will be! I won't be trying this at home. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34</b> - But your holy place shall be untouched throughout the centuries: though with fire and sword it be burnt down &amp; shattered, yet an invisible house there standeth, and shall stand until the fall of the Great Equinox; when Hrumachis shall arise and the double-wanded one assume my throne and place. Another prophet shall arise, and bring fresh fever from the skies; another woman shall awake the lust &amp; worship of the Snake; another soul of God and beast shall mingle in the globed priest; another sacrifice shall stain the tomb; another king shall reign; and blessing no longer be poured To the Hawk-headed mystical Lord! </div><br />This long verse is (almost) certainly referring to the energy of Hadit within us, which is "an invisible house" that lives independent of our physical form. For while our bodies can be broken until they no longer function and die, this energy is indestructible and eternal.<br />That is... until the next Æon! I automatically took this on face value, that following on from Horus would be the age of Hrumachis, but my research has put me in my place. The problem is that names get very confusing in Thelema (or Ancient Egyptian mythology) and I've found people referring to Hrumachis by many additional names, such as Horakhte, Heru-Khuti, Hormaku, Horakhty, and Ra Hoor Khuit (among others). These titles all boil down to the same role, that as Horus "of the Horizon” or "the Dawning Sun", otherwise recognised as an "officer of initiating". Hrumachis will change the Æon but not rule it. So simple and easy to understand, right?<br />Instead, many scholars agree that the next Æon will be the Age of Ma'at. She's the goddess of truth, balance, order, harmony, law, morality, and justice. Certain people believe we are already living in this age, currently experiencing an overlap taking place between Horus and her. I am wholeheartedly unconvinced. Either which way, if someone new suddenly claims the prophet throne of Thelema, Chapter IV will more than likely be written under Ma'at's name. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>35</b> - The half of the word of Heru-ra-ha, called Hoor-pa-kraat and Ra-Hoor-Khut. </div><br />Honestly, I grew kinda bored of all this name swapping business by this point. Maybe it has some profound implications but it seemed unnecessary to me. Regardless, Heru-ra-ha is a combo-god of Horus and Ra, which (as I read on Wikipedia) is not the first time this has been done. Ancient Egyptians performed this merger all the time, naming it Ra-Horakhty. <br /><br /> From 36 - 38, the tables turn as Crowley addresses Aiwass/Horus/Whoever and has the audacity to write the god a poem/song, shoving his own words into this otherwise divine text. Although some do question... is this <i>Aiwass</i> addressing Horus? The narrative's point of view also appears to shift during the second verse.<br />Either which way, you can go check that out and sing it in whatever style you want, but the gist is Crowley sending such high praise to the gods that he is then granted a secret path to get closer to the divine. Some people love this part, I could have easily done without it. It was like when someone picks up a guitar around a campfire. It's non-consensual.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>39</b> - All this and a book to say how thou didst come hither and a reproduction of this ink and paper for ever — for in it is the word secret &amp; not only in the English — and thy comment upon this the Book of the Law shall be printed beautifully in red ink and black upon beautiful paper made by hand; and to each man and woman that thou meetest, were it but to dine or to drink at them, it is the Law to give. Then they shall chance to abide in this bliss or no; it is no odds. Do this quickly! </div><br />Printing instructions. Needless to say, my copy did not abide by this presentation. Normal paper here, boy. No red ink. Sacrilegious. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>42</b> - The ordeals thou shalt oversee thyself, save only the blind ones. Refuse none, but thou shalt know &amp; destroy the traitors. I am Ra-Hoor-Khuit; and I am powerful to protect my servant. Success is thy proof: argue not; convert not; talk not over much! Them that seek to entrap thee, to overthrow thee, them attack without pity or quarter; &amp; destroy them utterly. Swift as a trodden serpent turn and strike! Be thou yet deadlier than he! Drag down their souls to awful torment: laugh at their fear: spit upon them! </div><br />All nice and good that this religion must "refuse none" but the other stuff? Look, I can forgive the Bible or Quaran for their violent texts, it was a different time, but this? Now? There is no excuse for it.<br />Surprisingly very few scholars try to metaphor their way out of this one. Horus was evidently not a loving deity. We accept. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>43</b> - Let the Scarlet Woman beware! If pity and compassion and tenderness visit her heart; if she leave my work to toy with old sweetnesses; then shall my vengeance be known. I will slay me her child: I will alienate her heart: I will cast her out from men: as a shrinking and despised harlot shall she crawl through dusk wet streets, and die cold and an-hungered.<br /><b>44</b> - But let her raise herself in pride! Let her follow me in my way! Let her work the work of wickedness! Let her kill her heart! Let her be loud and adulterous! Let her be covered with jewels, and rich garments, and let her be shameless before all men!<br /><b>45</b> - Then will I lift her to pinnacles of power: then will I breed from her a child mightier than all the kings of the earth. I will fill her with joy: with my force shall she see &amp; strike at the worship of Nu: she shall achieve Hadit. </div><br />Noticing a pattern as Horus slowly lets his guard down and exposes the true darkness within his teachings.<br />Many people (including Crowley) consider the "Scarlet Woman" to be Rose and in that case, it's easy to interpret the first verse as a prophecy anticipating Rose's spiral into alcoholism and ill-health, as well as the death of their daughter. And while anything could mean anything in the world of Thelema, the instructions appear relatively clear here: traits such as pity, compassion, tenderness and sweetness will be punished with cold, hunger, and the death of a child. Meanwhile, wickedness and adultery are rewarded with fancy material items. Who reads this and goes "ah, yes, I like this, I'm a Thelemite now".<br />And then, if all goes according to plan, a new child will be born, ushering in the next Æon, I suppose. I read one interpretation calling this the birth of the Antichrist signalling the end of the world but that appears far too specific to me.<br />A quick note that some associate Mother Nature as the Scarlet Woman. This makes less sense except for the child part. If there is a mighty baby born, of course Mother Nature would be responsible. She births all children. They don't call her Mother Nature for nothing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>43</b> - I am the warrior Lord of the Forties: the Eighties cower before me, &amp; are abased. I will bring you to victory &amp; joy: I will be at your arms in battle &amp; ye shall delight to slay. Success is your proof; courage is your armour; go on, go on, in my strength; &amp; ye shall turn not back for any! </div><br />The main point of interest here is the numbers, "forties" and "eighties". It seems everyone has a different opinion on what these mean and even Crowley flat-out confessed that he did not understand them.<br />In context, it appears to be referencing the decades of the 1940s and the 1980s.<br />Most of the 40s were dominated by World War II, which could be what this "prediction" was referring to in regards to a warrior form.<br />The 1980s is even less certain, but potentially this was when the turn of the Æon peaked at least in terms of the curve gradually altering direction. I <i>could</i> buy it.<br />Then, of course, there are those who go full-maths and connect random dots with their mouth froth. There's that tricky "80" from Chapter 1 Verse 46, omg, does that mean something? Also if we add 40 + 80 we get 120. Remember 0.12 from Chapter 1 Verses 24 - 25? This is all in heavy collaboration with Nuit's teachings! Like almost! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>49</b> - I am in a secret fourfold word, the blasphemy against all gods of men.<br /><b>50</b> - Curse them! Curse them! Curse them!<br /><b>51</b> - With my Hawk’s head I peck at the eyes of Jesus as he hangs upon the cross<br /><b>52</b> - I flap my wings in the face of Mohammed &amp; blind him<br /><b>53</b> - With my claws I tear out the flesh of the Indian and the Buddhist Mongol and Din.<br /><b>54</b> - Bahlasti! Ompehda! I spit on your crapulous creeds.<br /><b>55</b> - Let Mary inviolate be torn upon wheels: for her sake let all chaste women be utterly despised among you. </div><br />Damn, way to be the small kid on the playground and make enemies with literally everyone. I mean, it's all very easy to attack Christianity, those dudes can take a punch, but to diss the holy prophet of Islam? You're either brave or stupid or a dangerous mix of those two things.<br />There is some interesting conversation which revolves around the "secret fourfold word" comment on line 49. "Do What Though Wilt" is the most obvious answer, and Aleister himself taught this to be true. Others consider this to be the four-letter Hebrew word יהוה (the Biblical God of Israel) known as the Tetragrammaton.<br />After which, the promised blasphemy comes hard and fast, as we previously noted. One could argue that Horus (if this is, indeed, Horus) has some right at doing so. The origins of the Sun God have been dated back to as early as 2400BC, whereas many disbelievers theorise that certain facts about Jesus were altered to coincide with alternate (often Pagan) mythologies. The parallels between Horus' and Jesus' stories have been heavily documented, so following on from that thought pattern, Horus could be dissing Jesus (or the writers thereof) for stealing his swagger?<br />On that note, once we get over the gasp of controversy, it is worth discussing how Horus "pecks at the eyes of Jesus as he hangs upon the cross" which is a brutal fate. Meanwhile, he merely flaps his wings into Mohammed's face, perhaps only momentarily blinding him? It's a far difference between the two attacks either way, perhaps because Horus favoured the Muslims? Or perhaps because Aleister Crowley is rightfully cautious about disrespecting a religion as protective as Islam? It's a tricky game no matter how you roll it. <br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #ececec; padding: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 1.2em;"><b>SIDE STEP: RELIGION AND THE ÆONS</b></span><br /><br />I wasn't sure where to place this block but moments before I hit the publish button for this article, I had one final "revelation" as to why I may have been too hard on Horus/Ra Hoor Khut and his violent wordings.<br /><br /> This is nothing more than the bouncing of a hypothesis, but let's consider that this Horus is not the deity we must necessarily <i>follow</i> from our current Æon, but rather, the <i>reflection</i> of it. It's where organised religion has begun to crumble. People have witnessed supposed holy men commit atrocious acts and are no longer relating to the segregated "spiritualism" of the past. Instead, we are now turning inwards, away from former scriptures and seeking our personal energies for answers. Sometimes this energy is the electricity of the brain, as we often see in atheism or other such science-based movements. Sometimes this energy is focused on a Universal connection of nature, everything working as an extension of God. But regardless of differences, these teachings all correlate on a self-centred platform which is causing conflict and unrest within an individual as well as on an individual vs. individual basis. The group mentalities that agreed upon religious forms of spirituality have dwindled substantially, fewer minds able to accept these larger teachings anymore. And now the battles once fought from land to land have intensified into specific thoughts of a singular person, leaking out further as disagreements between singular people, arguing over more minute details, coming to conclusions influenced by (but wholly independent of) one another, no two belief systems existing in quite the same manner. <br /><br /> So here is Ra Hoor Khut, the god manifested behind this notion, encouraging individualism and the destruction of former constraints through hard conflict, creating barriers around each lone person as a necessary step in ultimately breaking down much bigger organisations and borders. And once we've reached a place where there are hardly any agreements about the nature of the universe, we can then finally move into the Æon of Ma'at, living in harmony as separated entities, free from the conditioning that has been forced upon us by the larger society.<br /><br /> There are many flaws in this theory but perhaps I am simply doing my part by putting this piece out there for someone else to move forward or back within their own studies. </div><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>60</b> - There is no law beyond Do what thou wilt. </div><br />I mean, in all honesty, what else is needed? This is the entire philosophy here and yet the book does very little in terms of focusing upon and articulating the point. That's all this book should be. It's the only thing that matters. All the numbers and ancient deities load us with fun puzzles and intricate debates but if this is all we're trying to get to (and I believe it is) then why are we confusing the issue? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>63</b> - The fool readeth this Book of the Law, and its comment &amp; he understandeth it not. </div><br />Harsh. I'm willing to bet nobody has read this book and said, "I understand this". Even Crowley dedicated his life to decoding its mysteries and he didn't complete anything nor satisfy everyone. Then again, perhaps it's more a comment on those who read it then disregard it as nonsense? The fool would be the person who does not dedicate the necessary time to untangling the knots.<br />I do find it interesting that the name of the book was given here and here only. Considering the endless poetic cryptics Aiwass offers, it's surprising how self-explanatory this chosen title is. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>64</b> - Let him come through the first ordeal, &amp; it will be to him as silver.<br /><b>65</b> - Through the second, gold.<br /><b>66</b> - Through the third, stones of precious water.<br /><b>67</b> - Through the fourth, ultimate sparks of the intimate fire.<br /><b>68</b> - Yet to all it shall seem beautiful. Its enemies who say not so, are mere liars. </div><br />Just like Chapter 1 Verses 32-34, we are looking at the ordeals again, the transitional process one goes through as they gradually align with their True Will. Horus is laying this out in stages and I suddenly realise how much this echoes my own stages that I highlighted in the intro (even if I am probably nowhere near the levels described here, but who is to say?).<br />The chosen materials to represent these ordeals (silver, gold, stones of precious water, and ultimate sparks of the intimate fire) have been said (by Crowley and others) to be the central spheres from the Kabbalah Tree of Life, rising directly up through the middle to reach Keter, a concept so completely incomprehensible to man that there is no way anyone has ever been able to describe it.<br />By the way, the Tree of Life itself is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tree_of_life_(Kabbalah)" target="_blank">diagram</a> drawn up in 9BC and used as a map offering 22 different paths one can go to connect the relationship between God and their mind. Just in case you weren't aware.<br />Finally, I have to laugh at line 68. Sure, I'd agree that anyone who reads these teaching would find them to be a beautiful use of language. But to say those who oppose it "are mere liars" feels like playground logic. Be a little more constructive with your feedback, please. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>72</b> - I am the Lord of the Double Wand of Power; the wand of the Force of Coph Nia–but my left hand is empty, for I have crushed an Universe; &amp; nought remains. </div><br />The Double Wand of Power is a phrase that comes up regularly in various Thelemic studies which meant I felt obliged to dig deeper even if by this late stage I'd rather have pretended that I didn't see it.<br />It's about duality, forces that are both "active" and "passive", so says the writer. I also read that Ra-Hoor-Khuit is the active aspect of Heru-ra-ha while Hoor-pa-kraat as the passive. Like Nuit and her static zero, and Hadit with his forward motion. Like <i>1 + 1 = 11</i>. <br />It is this symbol that gives Horus his ability to destroy and create.<br />The Force of <i>Coph Nia</i> has plenty of unknowns associates. I've read one clever analysis that points out the similarities between the term and some reversal of the Kabbalah concept <i>Ein Sof</i>, which is basically God before any manifestation has taken place—<i>exactly</i> how I have interpreted Nuit. And on that note, Horus is claiming to have crushed the Universe and "nought remains". Nought is the number zero, which is Nuit's number, plus Nuit and Nought are too similar in sound to ignore as a coincidence. This could be argued as a fancy way of saying the previous Æons are gone as Horus takes control.<br />What's even more interesting about this, however, is that the original handwritten texts had <i>Coph Nia</i> left out because Aleister couldn't hear it properly. At a later date, Rose filled in the blank which is questionable but could also explain why this is all frustratingly close without completely connecting. Silly things like this support the case that this all happened true to Aleister's word. Writing holy texts with intentional mistakes would be genius but I doubt this is often the approach (if ever). <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>73</b> - Paste the sheets from right to left and from top to bottom: then behold! </div><br />Another treasure hunt for the Thelemites to lose their minds to, right at the finish line.<br />The instructions are straightforward enough: take the (assuming original) pages from Crowley's hand, put them down in a grid-like fashion and there will be something there for you. As it stands, nobody has solved this one, even Aleister stating that "so far I have noticed nothing remarkable". Cool idea though! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>75</b> - The ending of the words is the Word Abrahadabra.<br /><br />The Book of the Law is Written<br />and Concealed.<br />Aum. Ha. </div><br />And with the so-called "secret word" the book closes itself<br /><br />The final two phrases are also notable.<br />"Aum" (or "Om") is the sacred Indian symbol in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. It's the word of God, the sound he made that created the universe, or so they say. <br />Meanwhile, "Ha" is probably the greatest way to conclude any religious textbook, denoting laughter at the foolishness of its followers. Of course, this is probably not what this means here.<br />These two letters, <i>HA</i>, are rife throughout this book, for example, at the end of Heru-ra-<b>ha</b> (the combination of Horus and Ra) or the Greek spelling of stélé as Στηλη reinterpreted into English as CT<b>HA</b>H (see Chapter 3 Verse 19) or even the first two letters of Hadit's name.<br /><br />In fact, someone cleverly and correctly pointed out that the last two letters of The Book of the Law are the same as the first two. Now that's the kind of patterns we like around here! <br /><br /><br /> <div class="theparts">THE COMMENT </div><br /> <div class="quote">The study of this Book is forbidden. It is wise to destroy this copy after the first reading.<br />Whosoever disregards this does so at his own risk and peril. These are most dire.<br />Those who discuss the contents of this Book are to be shunned by all, as centres of pestilence. </div><br />The final page of my edition ends with a brief note from Crowley himself. Above are a few select lines which appear to be a direct threat against what I have just done. Oops! The thing is though... this analysis was pursued completely in line with my True Will. So what now, Horus? <br /><br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-read-dianetics-scientology-book-one.html" target="_blank"><img alt="I Read Dianetics (Scientology Book One) So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IVDdcHgzbrk/W5tX9-VwpFI/AAAAAAAAMFs/1IvegJB3JD0WiopypnDEaH_aCGMxpGuQgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Sep26-I-Read-Dianetics-Scientology.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-read-dianetics-scientology-book-one.html" target="_blank">I Read Dianetics (Scientology Book One) So You Don't Have To</a></div><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-69550269214214186332020-02-14T03:35:00.001+00:002020-02-14T03:35:54.686+00:00Definitely Not a Cry for Help - Chapter Seven: Cape Town<div align="center"><br /><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/z-JUzyJUwfE" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></div><br /><br /> <div style="width:100%; font-size:1.5em; font-weight:bold" align="center"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpY-SNro8ZQ&amp;list=PL7MT1kmAIA0RYFVD9pG43wU8Uc7hbo_sY" target="_blank">For Every Chapter in One Playlist, Click Here!</a></div><br /><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-77084115122576543702020-02-05T15:00:00.000+00:002020-02-21T01:28:05.946+00:00Mensvreters: Eating People for a Good Cause<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5mQalj7srqI/XjWUSpan5ZI/AAAAAAAAOuE/EpQvZ5tMtog1Z0JZqgQ0tGB6uAQxnTRHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mensvreters-lead.jpg" alt="Mensvreters Boef Lewe Cover Art" style="width:628px" /></span></div> <br /> 2017. That’s when it happened. That’s when Mensvreters first crawled out from their sewers and infected our dying planet with their debut album, prompting everything to die a little faster. They named it <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/30VnWRsrS4wGTemU2o9GnD?si=tpz3fCGdRkqb5pO3ce0Xpw" target="_blank">Die Gevaarlikste Bende</a></em> and it was anything but a marketable product. On the contrary, this was an onslaught of vomit spewing from charred mouths, running thick like a putrid paste of violent imagery slyly hidden inside of their mother Afrikaans tongue. But for those of us in the line of projectile fire... well, we were never quite able to scrub that rancid stench away. <br /><br /> What makes Mensvreters special is not that their shock tactics are truly shocking (they are) nor is it that their gross-out foul play squeezes the listener’s face through the keyhole of their comfort zone (it does). Rather, it’s that they utilise these techniques as part of a much more intricate package. Unlike the vast majority of controversial horror-rap acts out there, these vulgarities are not a series of cheap shots to dominate the show. This was never a desperate ploy to provoke a reaction in hopes of obscuring a sloppy lack of proficiency. Instead, the suffering is yet another detail from an outfit whose attention to such details is their strongest asset. Sadly, this strength is also Menvreters’ biggest tragedy; a message so expertly offensive that your malfunctioning mind may shortcircuit and overlook the talent completely.<br /><br /> <em><a href="https://mensvreters.com/product/boef-lewe-full-album-download/" target="_blank">Boef Lewe</a></em> (translated: <em>Thug Life</em>) is their 2020 sophomore record and it sinks even lower into this dark pit they’ve created. The heavy sperms of metal music have aggressively smashed through a scratchy old-school hip hop centre, impregnating an egg now birthing something between these two dirty genes. And yet the production itself is flawlessly clean, granting both styles enough space to suffocate you beneath the anger that they spit through gritted teeth. There is a worryingly unhealthy obsession with bodily fluids here. You may drown within their gushing of animosity towards... well, everything. And if you’re looking for trouble, then please enjoy the <em>Fok Die Polisie</em> theme scattered throughout this album, echoing those same aggravating anthems that N.W.A. used to summon chaos back in the late-80s.<br /><br /> <a href="https://mensvreters.com/product/boef-lewe-full-album-download/" target="_blank"><span imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I17YoJz9Lvc/XjYVLIR0y8I/AAAAAAAAOuY/1mIGx3LcLDsCgaKVunEsJwOXxmFvEBH5wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mensvreters-01.jpg" data-original-width="628" data-original-height="314" /></span></a><br /><br /> If you can hold your lunch down, then peel back the scorched skin and look. There are plenty of fresh layers underneath the gore. This album functions as a singular unit. It’s void of any filler and cohesively stitched together by well-acted skits that shove their roots deep into South African heritage. Certainly, the group have taken a calculated stab into more English territories this round, and it’s a smart move to harvest a larger audience (or perhaps scare even more away). But, make no mistake, this is still a proud observation of their home country, effortlessly mixing Afrikaans into their flows (complete with translations provided) whilst weaving cultural icons and African folklore figures into their themes. <em>Tokolosh Tracker</em> is a strong example of this strategy, relaying tales about the evil Tokolosh spirit that runs rife throughout Zulu and Xhosa mythology. Of course, in this story, Mensvreters have taken upon themselves to assist the creature by introducing a tracking gadget into your rectum. Does this notion excite you? Then you’re in for a treat. Because the <em>Tokolosh</em> single comes with a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVPbgXskj7A" target="_blank">music video</a> too, illustrating the concept for a greater understanding. Don’t worry though! It’s completely safe for work. Just kidding. You shouldn’t watch this at work or anywhere else unless you enjoy puppet semen used as condiments or prolapse juices caught in a jar. Standard stuff, really. This is Mensvreters after all. Their art is always going to be a struggle to digest because their art is toxic.<br /><br /> Be that as it may, Mensvreters’ craftsmanship still outgrows their indecencies. Their <em>Mumble Rap</em> diss-track holds up a necessary mirror to the current dismal state of radio hip hop, detesting the genre whilst delivering their message using a commercial sound in itself—a great irony which is as big of a middle finger as anyone could conjure. And then there’s <em>Suffering Sonata</em>, an album highlight where the disease spreads to the heart and almost surrenders a tender spot, ultimately working as another easy entry point for further anguish. It is within these examples that the true intelligence behind Mensvreters lies. It’s a contradiction where exaggerated and absurd fiction somehow ascends to something more genuine than the vast majority of today’s faux wokeness; a contrast against a society where everyone is rushing to exploit “higher awareness” for more Likes on Instagram. Mensvreters are above that by dwelling far below it, illustrating to us that the world is in trouble. <i>Art</i> is in trouble. And we need to start kicking the doors down to rediscover where the boundaries stand.<br /><br /> Then you hear a song like <em>Rotten Human Curry</em> (featuring Australian team Butchers Harem and Dollrot) with lyrics such as, <i>“Flies are raping, laying eggs, mating on your flesh, grazing, it’s fresh for the taking, pupae larvae hatching, flesh from bone detaching, meat chunks flapping, I’m grabbing and snatching, tooth on bone I’m gnashing, vocal cords pulsating, keeping you alive just to hear you cry”</i>... and you realise this might just be an impure assault of torment after all. To be honest, I have no idea.<br /><br /> <a href="https://mensvreters.com/product/boef-lewe-full-album-download/" target="_blank"><span imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v3xnl8upczw/XjYhb9KwKSI/AAAAAAAAOuk/0QwdLQs9rfIWLM-evtlsqksHUHApSg--ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mensvreters-02.jpg" data-original-width="628" data-original-height="416" /></span></a><br /><div style="font-size:0.75em; color:#8b8b8b; text-align:right; font-style:italic">The Perversions of Quiet Girls Photography</div><br /> It doesn‘t matter. Because when the momentum of creative imagination clicks with the skillsets required to manifest the product, it’s obvious that the bigger picture is still a long way from completion. The most damning evidence of this prediction is a short film titled <em>South African Fried Human</em>. Here, the trio offers us an important social commentary on the fast-food industry by treating a person in much the same manner as a chicken would be treated. When something this violent is shot with such a professional eye for specifics, then the line between horror and comedy blurs beyond recognition, and one becomes uncertain whether it’s better to laugh or cry. It’s difficult to be so equally humoured and terrified at the same moment. You start asking yourself questions.<br /><br /> Because that’s just it. That’s what Mensvreters are all about. It’s an exercise in facing your own psyche and challenging what you think you thought. Everyone has opinions about cutting open stomachs and eating flesh and shoving poop into a baby’s face. These opinions are usually unfavourable. But if you ever find yourself at a Mensvreters show, you will be forced to deal with these opinions on a raw, realistic level. When artists with this excessive amount of talent at their disposal intentionally choose the crooked path of noncommercial filth, it’s a beacon of hope that the monster behind the corrupt entertainment industry will never completely conquer the playing field. As a result, it may take some time before Mensvreters can bubble over into the particular scene that is out there somewhere waiting for them, but at least for now <i>we</i> can be a part of this underground knowledge. <i>We</i> are the secret Mensvreters community, musing that, one day, we might be telling our children about how this outfit broke into global consciousness and destroyed everything in front of our very eyes. Furthermore, we must also ensure that those same children never listen to this stuff because it’s definitely not good for them.<br /><br /> <div style="background-color:#000; color:#fff; width:100%; text-align:center; padding:1em 0em"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both"><a href="https://mensvreters.com/product/boef-lewe-full-album-download/" target="_blank" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xK1mZN5KIiQ/Xjg3RZTuA2I/AAAAAAAAOu8/NB_Gw4TacpA5hdWFeZePBt81X9kgH1F7gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mensvreters-album.jpg" data-original-width="250" data-original-height="250" style="width:250px" /></a></div> <div style="max-width:400px; margin: auto;"><h1><a href="https://mensvreters.com/product/boef-lewe-full-album-download/" target="_blank" style="color:#d4990c" target="_blank">SUPPORT GOOD MUSIC AND BUY THE ALBUM HERE</a></h1>10% of Proceeds Go to Sea Shepherd,<br />a Non-profit Marine Wildlife Conservation Organisation. </div></div><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-61978925075129949942019-12-24T18:03:00.000+00:002019-12-25T10:56:25.372+00:00Dear 2019,<style> .icon { width: 50px; height: 50px; background-position: top; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: 50px 50px; } .personal { background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7qo4FyD137o/XCDdcDUFTRI/AAAAAAAAMnc/NP7BClY_LFMRKGba6A8OBTv12rl0JYpNgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_personal.jpg); } .news { background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vp0BULkjNzI/XCDdcct2j5I/AAAAAAAAMng/EyL-KDv2RA4xCcorrjqNpkHYf77NliYMQCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_news.jpg); } .death { background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1O4KbT5EuX4/XCDc7bC0szI/AAAAAAAAMnU/cuhMAo04BcUa8BQcmk-ed4GG7L1yxWeSgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_death.jpg); } .internet { background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TE29EpPrQrE/XCDeTPz2O8I/AAAAAAAAMn4/g6QMBXPrJXkFiJv1Y-HwzyOLBYkLUAjNgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_internet.jpg); } .music { background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XDWCOFjc0l4/XCDeTPD0_SI/AAAAAAAAMn8/d4T_GGtBSdMNTcCdq6at1Dz1qtXYS-_QwCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_music.jpg); } .award { background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7_bL6nzsGTk/XCDfDSO_VNI/AAAAAAAAMoQ/-qWnIeuShv0CbQ7lF7P5v7IS1q_CxGhzACLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_award.jpg); } .book { background-image:url(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-W7Iu2RaVMDI/XCDf7my9lmI/AAAAAAAAMos/VYXIdZUd_HoWpHOx51f4Pjt0AOBkKXffQCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_book.jpg); } .writing { background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J2G3jIQ-w-M/XCDgul1C-AI/AAAAAAAAMpE/htDEEDwh49cwbLLbpVzL8XxzDt6vJCERQCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_writing.jpg); } .cdh { background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lTQi_IpooYI/XCDgutb3LMI/AAAAAAAAMpI/l1Qy09vBq40IWKFqav_0idj3US2sLfIYQCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_mymusic.jpg); } .event{ background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q45WNCWWxAs/XCDdwRYbvJI/AAAAAAAAMns/fHE8tZeC17MYRku5I6-lMMMkv_SIyi06wCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_event.jpg); } .film{ background-image:url(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xbRQtcJkGF0/XCDfE89PuoI/AAAAAAAAMoU/SuINz3pmmQsk6GKp4ZGfW70XCwFJCO5MgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_film.jpg); } .fpp{ background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rzKbK0j7-Fc/XCDgujnuZ2I/AAAAAAAAMpA/qzjKNWVyQRIprb35MrKnXQc_AMNp_7L3wCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_fpp.jpg); } .gig{ background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B4Gbaa4rnKo/XCDf72Dp2SI/AAAAAAAAMo0/vJtF4dAHBUUX1A_O_EEjwBQAubOqa-hHgCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_gig.jpg); } .science{ background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CsBK4juY6lc/XCDfFEw6M9I/AAAAAAAAMoY/3PVyKfWyfr4Jalp_v-AKqOC1jNkvhHeuwCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_science.jpg); } .disaster{ background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9v3YbKkJeFw/XCDeTEkDKEI/AAAAAAAAMoA/lj20nfH5uSo8J_c_7iWBFeneVs6rV0u2wCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_disaster.jpg); } .twitter{ background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2EMhMs3l3-8/XCDiHijG5FI/AAAAAAAAMpc/Wzzg0LODmL8uMWQaDbmi1W4eBfS9DDhIwCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_legobiscuit.jpg); } .painting{ background-image:url(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3Aau7T0BMeM/XCDiIMz31uI/AAAAAAAAMpk/YJcmUIg0Q2IcYKKdjQQwvBPHW5oUaP89QCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_paint.jpg); } .pencilmation{ background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JurD5qHT7V8/XCDjeR57YgI/AAAAAAAAMp0/n0d1m7VFOY4xW3RFlUy2gx5HrGrC4wT0QCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_pencilmation.jpg); } .infaqt{ background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3_d6sypyfHc/XgCjHZ47YhI/AAAAAAAAOko/PzfrvH1AN-UDLshZvys1LNl-5wIwjMa0ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_icon_infaqt.jpg); } .brain{ background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-t2rRT2GToVk/WGV3nJvOCQI/AAAAAAAAIps/wuSnQ1uX_b463cQBF_2YsGnLFipy-UjcACLcB/s1600/16Dec30_Dear2016_icon_brainondrugs.jpg); } .heartbreak{ background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hmjJj39Bbeo/XgChW-qAUDI/AAAAAAAAOkc/86tYXZADPigLDer7PpTpqzRb_t_5shYPACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_icon_heartbreak.jpg); } .trip { background-image:url(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gskz21nrR8U/XCDf75o9lFI/AAAAAAAAMow/IAENrs7IC0YiZGxHkxDGw17LSy5BJw8sACLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_travel.jpg); } .fame { background-image:url(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nUyYGT-ry-M/XgCjvhhZDPI/AAAAAAAAOkw/R0K2_nzoxT82AO2mQ8RH2WaDRv9UcMwzACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_icon_fame.jpg); } .crown{ background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SK7jUsupXF4/XCDiHnvf-CI/AAAAAAAAMpg/ex9AcrimrWoXTdsM0HyotOBiR4nsJtaOwCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_crown.jpg); } .money { background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f4ZOREnPzns/XCDiHccGQPI/AAAAAAAAMpY/XfnsXKyz8Ao8yA2Bej3O875jllUKrUt8QCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_lotto.jpg); } .mentalhealth { background-image:url(https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tXjqa8WDdp8/XCTil0oGHlI/AAAAAAAAMtE/KfweEQFIhtc1cgun3Z-i0Cg1a7_zJ6s1QCLcBGAs/s1600/18Dec30_Dear2018_icon_mentalhealth.jpg); } .keytable td { border:1px solid #656565; text-align: center; padding: 0px 5px 0px 5px; } </style> <br /> <img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NkWNTx7tHzw/XgI8nJvKoII/AAAAAAAAOk8/zq4FfUlJAwgpeZmvgSIz2ltSlui0IGXLwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec25_Dear2019.jpg" data-original-width="333" data-original-height="333" style="width:50%; float:left; margin-right: 1em; margin-bottom:1em" alt="Dear 2019: A summary above all summaries" /> Greetings.<br /><br /> The burden of this letter is not lost on me. Any year ending with the number 9 not only signifies the completion of one trip around the sun, but also a collection of ten of them, the neat grouping of a decade, so very human.<br /><br /> The difficulty comes where to draw the split. Do I focus on you, 2019, as a singular unit? Or do I broaden this piece to reflect upon the 2010s as a lump sum? The latter hardly seems fair on you. Your traits were uniquely yours, why should you not be treated as the individual you were? Every other year was granted such treatment. Although perhaps the strongest argument against this approach is how mental the overall decade was. So much so that, by the time you rolled around, we were stuffed on nuts and desensitised to just about everything. Politics still utterly fucked beyond comprehension? Ok. The environment still falling apart and we're all gonna die? Got it. 2019, you could manifest into physical form and pop a wheelie on an e-scooter and nobody would even notice.<br /><br /> Let them eat headaches. You and me, we shared a wink or two, didn't we? Fuck the haters, you were my bestie! Maybe I never said this before, but you were, and I'm not even embarrassed to admit it. If everything is going to shit, then I might as well enjoy it, right? Is that how I justify the CO2 that was vomited into your atmosphere on account of my endless flight miles? Can I use the vegetarian-turning-vegan excuse to balance out my footprint argument again? No? Whatever. My guilt is countered by the fact that my life was actually enjoyable this year, and I think given the opportunity, anyone would do what I did.<br /><br /> I travelled. A lot. I travelled without stopping. I had no home but I had money because my professional life went from strength to strength as if it was injecting steroids into its spinal cord. Jesus was by my side the whole time, whether I wanted him to be there or not. I finally figured out the roots to my own personal religion. And while my brain was known to pull a wonky on me every now and again, for the first time in my life, I had built an outside world which I can't imagine anyone else's life could beat. Peak Jared. Really achieved something beautiful here.<br /><br /> Maybe TikTok drove a further wedge between me and the kids. Maybe the ASMR habit of chewing into microphones brought us together. But whatever anyone's opinion, I thank you on behalf of everyone for carrying most of us to the end of your run in one piece. If the panic of the average voice is anything to go by, then we don't have many of you years left! Although we've been saying that for thousands of years, haven't we? It doesn't matter.<br /><br /> What matters is that this is the 11th time I'm writing one of these articles. I should have stopped at 10 because now what? It's fine, you deserve this, I owe you nothing less. Sure, this will be rushed⁠—these things are always more about content than eloquence⁠—but my passion is all here, starting in the German capital of Berlin, my Jarexit adventures only a month running at this point, my second stop after Copenhagen with oh so many more to go. More than I even knew at the time. It was here, 2019, that we finally met. And it was love at first sight. <br /><br /> <i>Use the following key to find what you are looking for much quicker:</i><br /><br /> <div align="center" width="100%"><table class="keytable"><tr style="background-color:#c6c6c6"><td class="icon"><b>ICON</b></td><td><b>DESCRIPTION</b></td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Personal stuff that relates to me.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Notable people who died.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>General news, often of a political nature.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon event"></td><td>Some big event.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Disasters, mostly natural.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Internet related news.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Music related news.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>Film/TV related news.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>Science/Technology related news.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>Award ceremonies.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>Gigs I went to.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Trips I went on.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>Books I read.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>Articles I wrote/Juice Nothing related news.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon heartbreak"></td><td>Information about my Heartbreak book.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Scripts I wrote for Pencilmation.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon infaqt"></td><td>Scripts I wrote for INFAQT.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>Music I was involved with.</td></tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>The Funpowder Plot related news (usually about my film).</td></tr><tr><td class="icon painting"></td><td>Paintings/Art I did all by myself.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon fame"></td><td>News about my quest for fame.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Money I won.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon crown"></td><td>The King/Queen of 2018.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td>Mental Health Checkup.</td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>My social media posts which I am the most proud of.</td></tr></table></div> <br /><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I7kz9zgsB34/XgI9r00PWxI/AAAAAAAAOlE/h7I9uQFyr8EKAg02ODKgbafPmUk5ZM1awCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_Jan.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, January: Leaving Neverland sucks; 10 year challenge was a Facebook data ploy; an egg wins Instagram; evil man Jair Bolsonaro takes over Brazil; Huawei trade wars; Greggs made a vegan sausage roll" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>My New Years began with me high up as fuck on a rooftop watching the 360-degree view of Berlin fireworks. Truly insane, truly magnificent. I have never seen anything like that in my life, it was a good good starting point.<br />I spent the rest of the day with my old friend Brothers and some of his friends who quickly became my friends. We shared many stories and laughs and then all got naked in front of one another at the biggest sauna place I've ever been in. One of my favouritest New Yearses evers. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>For the first time since the 1998 Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act, a bunch of works (bar sound recordings) published in 1932 enter the public domain. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Openly racist sexist homophobic anti-environmentalist Jair Bolsonaro becomes the President of Brazil from today for the next foreseeable four years, pushing Brazil backwards very soon. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Meanwhile, Austria legalises same-sex marriage, so we're still going forward in places, don't lose hope. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FidGMxYTM0I" target="_blank">Wishful Thinking</a>. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>02 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Greggs launches a vegan sausage roll and the UK fucking loses their mind. The demand became so huge that the company struggled to keep up with initial demand owed, in part, to Piers Morgan behaving like the right-wing baby he is and "throwing up" the food on live television. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Stewart Robert Einstein was an actor apparently best known for creating/performing the character Super Dave Osborne. However, I knew him for his work in Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development. Regardless, he's gone now, 76, cancer. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>After finally getting back to my hostel and crashing out for an immeasurable amount of time, I awoke to find some cunt had plucked my phone from its charger from right next to my head and escaped with it to some other faraway land. Such a violation. Especially when you're travelling, your phone is your life. What kind of an asshole, really? God bless him but a plague on his mother's house, I wish bad things for him. The hours of creativity lost due to this one incident is endlessly heartbreaking. It also wasn't much fun making a statement to German police in a German police station when you were coming down as unhappy as I was. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>From today and over three nights, the Surviving R. Kelly documentary aired, detailing the lengthy sexual abuse history of the artist. Whatever the show was trying to achieve, it probably got there, as R Kelly's name was completely fucked from this point on. Other musicians removed their collaborations with Kelly from streaming services (such as Lady Gaga, Chance the Rapper, Celine Dion, and Ciara), radio refused to play him, his label dropped him, and he was even banned from Philadelphia. R. Kelly denied the allegations and threatened to sue everyone ever on the planet. He was then arrested in July for all sorts of negative sex things. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>Chang'e 4 from China becomes the first man-made thingie to touch down on the Dark Side of the Moon. Apparently there's nothing there. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbdwz7vibyo" target="_blank">You Drive Me Crayon</a>. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>04 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>What a momentous day it was when the <a href="https://www.instagram.com/world_record_egg/" target="_blank">world_record_egg</a> Instagram account uploaded a photo of an egg with the sole intention of garnering more Likes than Kylie Jenner's world record 18 million, held for the announcement of her daughter's birth. Within 10 days, it had already surpassed 28.3 million, so job done then. They have since used their power to tackle mental health issues, wins all around. <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/world-record-egg" target="_blank">More here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>The Bold and the Beautiful air their 8000th episode. Man, I used to watch this show alllll the time, so I'm stoked, keep it up, guys! </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>05 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Battered and phoneless, I managed to catch my plane and I flew away from Berlin, Germany, to a much safer, calmer environment, known as Budapest, Hungary.<br />As far as trips go, Berlin had some massive highs but some definite lows (phone stolen, I repeat) as well as some impossible stockings to fill. 2016 was when I was last in that city and had the greatest holiday of my life with 10 of my best friends. Off the bat, there was no way I could possibly beat that. But I foolishly tried by booking myself a bed in a 10 person dorm situated within an already sociable hostel over Xmas and New Years. In theory, it could have worked. In practice, I had a revolving door of stinky men, ZERO connections made there, and did I mention someone stole my phone? Someone stole my phone. I also partied too hard and didn't sleep so well and Berlin is crazy enough as it is without the holiday season and it rained a lot and it totally tired me out.<br />But still, the friends I did make were worth it alone, and of course, Berlin is Berlin, with all its weird history and artsy vibes, I guess you can't go too wrong with it? I also went to Nico's grave, which is huge. Still, ready to move on for sure, and Budapest was waiting with open arms.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br />Instagram summary <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsQnJkenkbB/" target="_blank">here</a>. Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Br48nr7nTtZ/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Br-2B5LHeaU/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4C9JYFQzlo" target="_blank">Off the Recorder</a>. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>06 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>The 76th Golden Globe Awards today. It was hosted by Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg, and I don't think they did the best jobs of it. Anyways, Green Book won three while Roma and Bohemian Rhapsody won two each. CONGRATS! </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>07 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>Today I released <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRIyGzp5eqw" target="_blank">Chapter 2: Copenhagen</a>, the second part of my web series/fictional travel vlog/eventual film called <a href="http://juicenothing.com/help" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help</a>. All of my creative juices in one basket. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>08 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>You'll remember this one: today was the day that the first <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/10-year-challenge" target="_blank">10 Year Challenge</a> post was posted, where users were urged to share side-by-side photos of their 2009 vs. 2019 selfies. You know an internet thingie is fucking massive when people start using it in arguments against climate change as well as Facebook privacy issues. I personally did not partake, purely because the concept of ageing terrifies me. </td></tr><tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmroq28IuPE" target="_blank">Spice Guys Finish Last</a>. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>09 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Gregg Rudloff made sounds for films and won Academy Awards for them, for example Glory, The Matrix, and Mad Max: Fury Road. At age 63, he dies today from a reported suicide :( </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Finally, my new phone arrived! It was exactly the same model as my old phone (iPhone6) but get this... it only cost me £60! Let this be a lesson to you, kids: get insurance! I forgot I had done so but thank Jesus I did. It's also amazing that my phone got stolen in Berlin and I got a new one sent to Budapest from the UK. Special times. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (1/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsabkUIHtnO/" target="_blank">It is not enough for me to achieve all of my dreams. I must achieve all of your dreams too.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Venezuela president Nicolás Maduro 2018's reelection is declared "illegitimate" by Juan Guaidó, which caused a massive presidential crisis about who is actually in charge here. The consequences have been intense with protests and deaths and severed diplomatic ties with the U.S and other stuff. This is a story I could write essays about, but people already have, so maybe go read those instead. By the end of the year, 54 countries recognised Guaidó as the acting president. I'm not even sure how this happens. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Ross Lowell was a photographer, cinematographer, lighting designer, author and entrepreneur who will always be mainly remembered as the genius who invented gaffer tape. Death day today, 92. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>A brand new #legoloaves arrives, the one which said "<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsdHHFIHuep/" target="_blank">I Still Think About David Bowie Every Single Day</a>", marking the three-year anniversary of the legend's death. <i>[LEGOBISCUIT41-LEGOLOAF05]</i></td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n3CDfw5J4k" target="_blank">The iPodd Couple</a>. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>12 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf0LU7_5wM4" target="_blank">Neither Hair Nor There</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>Family Guy announces that they will be phasing out jokes against the LGBT community. As much as I believe that all's fair in love and war and comedy and art, the truth is that anti-gay humour just simply isn't funny anymore, so it feels like a smart move of progression. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £4.9! Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>So much fucking Brexit news forever that it's difficult to know what warrants a slot or not without turning this entire blog post into a political piece, but today was a landmark moment when Parliament voted down Theresa May's Withdrawal Agreement, 432-202. She kept trying anyway, but nobody was having any of it. More to come, obviously. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Zimbabwe, as in the entire fucking country, goes into complete shutdown. No banks, no schools, no transport, nothing. Even the internet was turned off, gone. Total blackout. This is due to Zimbabweans striking and protesting against heavy fuel price increases (130%). Things calmed down after three days, 600+ arrests, 172 injuries, and 12 deaths. </td></tr><tr></table><br /> <b>16 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Teresa Marie Ryan (AKA Lorna Doom) was the core bassist for the Germs, a generally overlooked but highly influential punk band featuring Pat Smear (later of Nirvana/Foo Fighters fame). She died from breast cancer today at age 61. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>Following on with the #legoloaves conversation, today I finally launched the long-thought about project of turning these digital pieces into branded materials, up for sale on my <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/legotrip" target="_blank">Red Bubble</a> account. Excellent idea, even if thus far I've only sold one sticker (thanks whoever you were!). The recent David Bowie loaf was also removed immediately for copyright infringement, which makes sense. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The deadliest terror attack on the Colombian capital since 2003 occurred today when a vehicle-bound suicide bomb kills 21 people and injures 68 others. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0E9VgFYKmww" target="_blank">More Bang for Your Duck</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Some naughty idiots attempted to steal fuel from a pipeline in Tlahuelilpan, Mexico, which caused an explosion so big that 124 people died and 22 others were injured. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Boo Dog was a Pomeranian who was so fricken cute that the internet bowed down before him, amassing over 17.5 million Likes on Facebook by 2016. Sadly, his older brother, Buddy, died in 2017, and this broke his heart so badly that he slowly deteriorated, eventually passing today. RIP BOO DOG :( </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>There are many aspects worth highlighting about Hungarian's capital (the laid back atmosphere, the friendly faces, the awe-inspiring architecture, the financial breathing space, the comfort of a private room, drinking with Tanya and Simon, visiting <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsqVdziH4Ku/" target="_blank">Rezső Seress' grave</a> (!!!), the snow etc) but truthfully, the whole trip was one glorious success after the next. Basically, it was flawless, nothing went wrong and it effortlessly became my favourite Jarexit place on the trip thus far. I think more than any other region, I tend to recommend it to people more because it checks the most boxes.<br />Basically, Budapest was absolute therapy to me. But my two weeks were up on this date, so I got on a plane and flew to Rome. I was very optimistic at this point. Getting pretty good at the travelling thing by now.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br />Instagram summary <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BszczYdnmnt/" target="_blank">here</a>. Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsqVdziH4Ku/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs54eFIHz4I/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNwciqK5ezs" target="_blank">Age Against the Machine</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxbyJ6MuGhk" target="_blank">Ship on Your Shoulder</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (2/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs7319ynWA6/" target="_blank">I hear what you’re saying and it’s fucking stupid.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>Riding high on his Bohemian Rhapsody success, director Bryan Singer came crashing down today as the Atlantic reported that this man had sexually assaulted four men who were underage at the time. As it turns out, Singer has a loooong history of such sexual advancements on minors, dating back to 1997, but somehow he continuously dodged lawsuit bullets and went largely unscathed despite the mountain of accusations. Anyway, looks like he got hit this time for real, his name has been notably distanced from the Bohemian Rhapsody project and he has rightfully lost work as a result. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Daddy Yankee &amp; Snow upload the video for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiItGE3eAyQ" target="_blank">Con Calma</a> to YouTube. Some 1.6billion views later, and we have the most streamed 2019 video on the platform. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2UtopO_2go" target="_blank">Dragon and On and On</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (3/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtBLDn_nFm7/" target="_blank">Permanent happiness is an unrealistic objective. But with a little bit of strategic planning, perpetual excitement is totally achievable.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>The 236-minute documentary Leaving Neverland is premiered at Sundance, and boy, did it go on to cause so much 2019 fuss! I mean, even though there was no new evidence presented, and even though the "victims" already testified the opposite for decades (making them liars one way or another) and even though they had a lot of finances to gain here and even though various comments were proven to be inconsistent with factual evidence and even though the docco had obviously picked a side without any space for contradictory interviews or opinions... suddenly, Michael Jackson's behaviour became hot topic again, pissing on a dead man's grave who already passed the raids and the court proceedings many yeard before, resulting in the removal of so much of his work even though it was based on the edited testimony of two people. This is #MeToo gone wrong. I watched the film and it certainly made me feel uneasy, it has some convincing points, but I'm not about to make my mind up when it could just as easily be untrue. Fuck this bias and badly made documentary, truly. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The U.S. federal government shutdown ends today after 35 days, the longest in history. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>The Brumadinho dam disaster in Brazil happened today, releasing a major mudflow that killed 272 people. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Bruce Kendall Corbitt was the influential speed/thrash vocalist for Rigor Mortis, and he died today from oesophagal cancer at age 56. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>ISIS claims the two bombs that killed 20 people and injured another 100 at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Catholic Church in Jolo, Philippines. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The U.S. Justice Department suddenly charges Huawei with fraud, because surely the U.S and China weren't already having a tough relationship. Huawei was banned in the country, causing the company to open a lawsuit against the matter. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>YouTube announce the possibility of removing the dislike button from videos to combat "dislike mobs". <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/blog/collections/21-of-the-best-youtube-dislike-button-memes-on-the-internet" target="_blank">The internet does not like this</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC9BkqatuWk" target="_blank">Conflict of Internet</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>It's not every day that a person who legitimately enhanced your life dies, but today was one of the days. Stewart Sanders Adams OBE was a pharmacist who helped develop the painkiller ibuprofen, now one of the world's best-selling drugs. He died today at the age of 95, I'm not sure of what, but surely not a headache. Thanks for saving all my hangovers, guy!!! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>31 Jan</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Harold Ray Bradley is in the Musician's Hall of Fame for good reason, having played a part on hundreds of albums from countless bands (often as part of the Nashville A-Team) which included names like Willie Nelson, Roy Orbison, Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, and The Byrds. In fact, he has been officially called "one of the most recorded guitarists in music history". What's more, he lived all the way to 93, so you gotta respect that God loves some people more than others. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Gerri Lawlor died today, her greatest legacy that she helped invent the fictitious Simlish language used in The Sims video game. Despite being one of the best-selling games series of all time, it was still not enough to give Gerri the stardom she deserved, hence why her age and reasons of death are unknown to my limited Google time. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AK1yGP4nbI" target="_blank">Face Oddity</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Coming to life December 2018 and growing during January was the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/some-of-you-were-never" target="_blank">Some of You Were Never</a> joke format (aka And it Shows). Like all things, it was very funny only some of the time. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> After the natural chemicals had restored themselves due to the predictable consequences of New Year's Day, January was quite a healthy one all around. Perhaps I drank too much, but a lot of walking and home-cooked eating was achieved, and of course, travelling does wonders for one's soul. There is also a lot to be said for Rome, which will be said shortly. Annoyingly, a heavy two-day crash was experienced at some point in mid-Budapest when I couldn't get out of bed much, so I simply didn't and watched sad movies and cried until I felt better and went at it again. I think for my own personal journey, it's important to just accept that these intense lows are a part of my process and I just gotta let them run their course. There is a lot of power in that alone. </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UVi6tgOTKds/XgI-6LRjGmI/AAAAAAAAOlQ/QSBJgMoDotsTqtZT6xKi8K89bUxpUac_ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_feb.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, February: Opportunity Mars Rover dies; T-Series wins YouTube; Mark David Holli from Talk Talk dies; Simpsons break some other record; Karl Otto Lagerfeld dies; terrorist Shamima Begum loses British citizenship" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Trump confirms that the USA are leaving the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty of 1987, an agreement intended to eliminate missiles between the Soviet Union and America. Russia announced they were doing the same the next day. Wait, what? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>An interview with ME about my band Sectlinefor is published on <a href="http://battlehelm.com/interviews/sectlinefor/" target="_blank">Battle Helm</a>. I liked the part where I said that "I grow taller with each compliment" because it's true. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Even though I felt ready for it, today I left Rome with a new lease for life and travelling and God. Without a doubt, it was my favourite city I'd ever been to for multiple reasons. I think I just wasn't expecting it to be what it was, I only came for the cheap flights, man! But the locations were like films sets, it was everything I'd ever imagined Rome to be except SO MUCH BIGGER, I was genuinely awe-inspired for perhaps the first time in my life, with so many sights to see that I regrettably underestimated this city and did not manage to tick every box. And my hostel was a social goldmine, I met new people over glasses of (free!) wine every evening, literally like a hundred glasses and a hundred people, some of whom I was heartbroken to part with. I still follow and am fascinated by many of them to this day (Legend R.G. hostel, use it!). And, I guess most importantly of all, travelling is like anything. It takes practice. And by this point, I had a good grasp on how to build quick routines and an immediate level of certain comfort. The dirty streets didn't bother me because it brought me back to reality. I got intensely sick for a couple of days (30th and 31st of Jan for those keeping track at home), but even this downer did not lessen the experience (although I was hallucinating and glued to my bed by sweat, unable to work). All you need to know was that Rome changed my life on a fundamental level, and I no longer felt it necessary to seek out "my favourite city" because I was certain I'd found it here.<br />There were an infinite amount of highlights but nothing... NOTHING... hit me like the St. Peter's Basilica. It changed me on a level I can easily explain but it would take too long, hold the line, ask me in person. But Jesus finally made sense on a conceptual level and I decided in these breathless moments that I was going to take steps towards becoming a better person. It's not even a religious thing. It's simply a stopping thing, a thinking thing, a choosing the right path thing. I promptly purchased a Bible too, but that's unrelated, I swear to God. <br />Anyways, FUCK, Rome! So good! But it had to end at some point, and today it ended as I boarded a plane and made my way to Athens, amped for a slightly slower pace especially because I had been there before so I kinda knew what to expect.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br />Instagram summary <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtYNU9YBDC4/" target="_blank">here</a>. Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtD2Z7jnaSC/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtgyWiGh36k/" target="_blank">here</a>, with a specially tailored St Peters Basilica batch <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtJZ9Z8H_Ov/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84lEcH5Klbo" target="_blank">Science Fair and Square</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon event"></td><td>Super Bowl LIII, where the New England Patriots defeat the Los Angeles Rams, 13–3. Maroon 5 performed the halftime show which was called "omg the fucking worst ever". The short SpongeBob SquarePants segment is worth mentioning though, a halfhearted attempt at appeasing the 1.1 million signatures asking for a Stephen Hillenburg tribute because the creator of the show had passed away the year before. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Cool guy Pope Francis visits Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, now the first pope to ever go to the Arabian Peninsula. What a guy! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>During an Afghan–Taliban peace talk in Moscow, the Taliban attacks, killing 47 people and injuring 12 others. Dick move. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Guy Michael Webster was a celebrity photographer who shot some classic album covers, most notably (in my opinion) Simon &amp; Garfunkel's Sounds of Silence, Nico's The Marble Index, and The Doors' self-titled debut. Others include The Rolling Stones, Captain Beefheart, the Byrds, the Beach Boys, Tim Buckley and lots with the Mamas &amp; the Papas. Today he was no more, as diabetes and liver cancer took him away at 79. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (4/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Btf810zB7Cc/" target="_blank">Getting upset is the fastest way to declare that you’ve lost control of the situation.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>After being renewed for its 31st and 32nd seasons, The Simpsons was set to be the first-ever American primetime scripted series to pass 700 episodes (with 713). </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (5/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Btih_bsB-Qz/" target="_blank">I regret how I’ve treated some people in my life, and if I could go back in time, I‘d check out the dinosaurs.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCKJZgOEJ0I" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help - Chapter Three: Berlin</a>. Despite the continual trend of each episode garnering fewer viewers, I knew in my heart that this was the next level for my little series and I was super proud of it. I feel like it was from here that the story began to pull itself together and I was getting a clearer vision of what I wanted. I'd watch it again, basically. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Albert Finney was an actor known for large roles in films such as Tom Jones, Annie, Erin Brockovich, Big Fish, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Bourne Legacy, and Skyfall. Finney won BAFTA, Golden Globe, Emmy and Screen Actors Guild awards, as well as being Oscar-nominated five times, but sadly never winning. Time's up! He died today at age 82 from a chest infection. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeH2mSrBdz0" target="_blank">Stiff Upper Lift</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5NsuApcYwQ" target="_blank">Past But Not Least</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>61st Annual Grammy Awards, hosted by Alicia Keys for some reason. Kendrick Lamar topped the nominations with 8. Childish Gambino and Kacey Musgraves both won four, This is America was called Song of the Year while Golden Hour was called the Album of the Year, both of which I surprisingly wholeheartedly support, good work! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The Republic of Macedonia becomes the Republic of North Macedonia, which ends a dispute with Greece that's been going on for decades. Eyes on joining NATO and the EU now apparently. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fcfHm7pY1k" target="_blank">Hansel and Regretel</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After running away from the UK in 2015 to join ISIS in Syria, British-born Shamima Begum announced that she was going to return to the country to birth her child. The UK was like, not a fuck Shamima, and they stripped her of her citizenship. This was such a legal grey area (not to mention a moral one too) especially after the child in question was born and then died. Still, I mean, without sounding like an incompassionate jerk, maybe she should have thought about these consequences before joining a terrorist organisation? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>A suicide bomb vehicle attack kills 27 Revolutionary Guards in southeastern Iran, one of the deadliest attacks of terror in Iran in years :( </td></tr><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>Opportunity (Mars Exploration Rover – B/Oppy) was a robot rover who landed on Mars in 2004, its sole purpose to collect data for us. Initially only predicted to last a short time, this was the little machine that could, and Oppy lasted for 14 years, 46 days longer than anticipated (55x the projected lifespan). But after travelling 45.16 kilometres and then being hit by a heavy dust storm in June 2018, NASA could no longer communicate with the rover, and on this date, it was officially declared dead. Sleep tight, good boy. You did so well. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon infaqt"></td><td>Without telling many people about it, the Pencilmation crew quietly released our first video for a series called INFAQT today on our Pencilmate Live channel. It's more of an "interesting thoughts" type of project, and I wrote this first one titled <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlspKoERXfw" target="_blank">What if The Sun Never Set?</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon heartbreak"></td><td>After years of work followed by lengthy conversations with Unbound (a crowdfunding/publishing company), it was today, on Valentine's Day, that my first self-help book was announced. Titled "Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Ex in 30 Days" it was a work I was very proud/precious of. Hence why certain compromises that the company demanded did set off some red flags... but, still, it was an absolute encouragement that a proper publisher had faith in my work. As is their business model, the campaign went live seeking to raise moneys to get the book into stores, and I was pretty excited about the whole thing at this point. More coming soon. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Another day another suicide bomb vehicle, this one in Kashmir, killing 40 Indian security personnel, the worst of its kind in three decades. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1dQ070dauo" target="_blank">The Shower Must Go On</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td> Unbeknownst to the social media world, I tip-toed out of Athens on this day all the way to Cape Town of which my little sister was the only resident aware of my arrival. My whole life I've wanted to do this. Surprise visit my parents. See their faces as their son drops in on them unannounced, looking for a flicker of hatred in their eyes to betray their actual feelings for me. No such flicker existed! And I have video proof, look <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuEvBEkAzxD/" target="_blank">at my mama's reaction</a>!<br />Athens itself was rad (my private room alone was worth the visit, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtYn2wBhnxW/" target="_blank">I would live there</a>) but the city never stood a chance after the preceding Rome adventure. The persistent slight rain didn't help. Neither did the lack of cool tourist locations to visit (I had to limit myself to one a day just to not run out). And, of course, the fact that I had done those streets before did blunt any massive potential wow factor, which is my fault, not the city's fault. <br />Still, the time flew by and the slower pace was appreciated, I felt comfortable for the first time on my whole trip. Plus, the sights themselves are monumental, so mad with their historic value, it's impossible not to get some sort of a funny feeling. Oh, and I do love the Greek people. They don't give a fuck about anything!<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br />If you wanna see what I saw, click over <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt5lXIPg0kH/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuQx9LVBvDL/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>An awesome review for my band Sectlinefor's previous record appeared on the Dutch site <a href="http://www.metalfan.nl/reviews.php?id=10869" target="_blank">Metalfan</a>. They gave us 70/100, which is far too low. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS-S6NOmUO4" target="_blank">Closet Encounters</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>In other <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/rossbollinger/videos" target="_blank">Pencilmatiom</a> news, we hit 8 million subscribers. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Wallace "Wally" Smith Broecker was a geophysicist, best known as the guy who coined the terms "global warming". He also developed the concept of a "conveyor belt" effect on the global ocean and I don't know what that means, I only put him in here for the global warming thing. Anyway, he escaped the death of the planet by dying himself today at age 87, idky. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Shows how much I know about fashion, but when Karl Otto Lagerfeld died today, it was the first time his name fell on my radar. Apparently, he was a fairly famous deal, known for some groundbreaking designs, completely reviving Chanel after Coco's death, and generally being a controversial figure who said many blunt things about fat people, Muslims, different races, and the #MeToo movement. Anyway, dead now. He was 85 and it was pancreatic cancer. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEw-EbLX2oQ" target="_blank">What Goes Pup Must Come Down</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>2019 Brit Awards hosted by Jack Whitehall. The 1975 and Calvin Harris won two each. Probably going to stop noting this ceremony in future blogs. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>After a pickup van and a private car collided, a gas cylinder exploded right next to some buildings storing crazy flammable chemicals, followed by a fuckoff huge fire breaking out in Dhaka, Bangladesh, killing 80 people, injuring 50 others. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>SpaceIL launches Beresheet, a probe missioned to the Moon, the first privately financed of its kind. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Peter Halsten Thorkelson AKA Peter Tork was the musician/actor, best known as the keys and bass behind the Monkees. After battling adenoid cystic carcinoma for over a decade, he finally lost the war and died today at 77. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBZ11LUvtMY" target="_blank">All Thumbs</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (6/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuJLlnzBs2D/" target="_blank">I'm just trying to be a better person. A better person than you.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>The 39th Golden Raspberry Awards tonight, honouring the worst of the worst, which (according to them) was Holmes &amp; Watson winning four awards including Worst Picture. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrxYZvlDFDo" target="_blank">The Cart of War</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>The 91st Academy Awards were tonight, without any host after Kevin Hart was dropped due to homophobic jokes. Green Book won Best Picture and two others. Bohemian Rhapsody won four awards including Best Actor. The Favourite was nominated for 10, Olivia Colman winning Best Actress (which was a win for the whole of the UK as she's royalty in our eyes, glad the world is catching up). Roma was also nominated for 10, winning three, which is pretty big for a Netflix flick. There was a 12% increase in viewers this year, which is surprising. I thought it was a dying scene. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>For 10 minutes, the YouTube channel T-Series (a mostly Bollywood music label) surpassed internet personality PewDiePie with the most subscribers on the platform, something like their 86,671,507 vs. his 86,669,390. PewDiePie took the lead again, but this race was not over, the two often head-to-head throughout the year, T-Series eventually taking the win completely. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Roundabout here, the freaky Momo creature gained a second life as it was further associated with the Momo Challenge’ Suicide Game. To combat this, a few days later people started to spread Wholesome Momos, while the original sculpture was destroyed in March. As you can tell, there's a lot to this so <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/momo-challenge" target="_blank">catch up here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Mark David Hollis was the co-founder/singer/main songwriter of the pioneering post-rock band Talk Talk. It's a pity that I was only a casual listener at the time, but his death did spur me on to cover their entire catalogue and I totally understand the accolades, they deserve all of it, they're an incredible band. He was 64. The cause isn't fully known, some illness or other. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Round about here a pretty decent memage thing came out from my home country of South Africa! It was called "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHYcnDfbbuA" target="_blank">My Fok, Marelize</a>," showing a video of a girl riding a bike which ends with that very special line. If you have Saffa friends on the webz, then you probably came across it as it spread like wild, suddenly becoming a general response to when anything goes wrong (which in that country, is quite a bit of stuff). </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=briR2GoPPQk" target="_blank">The Princess and the Fraud</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (7/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuWBlhkgEJX/" target="_blank">When people tell me that I’m being dramatic it makes me want to kill myself.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Today and the next was the second North Korea–United States summit, where Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un met up for a chat. What aaaare you guys talking about? </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 Feb</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Throwing a slice of cheese onto things is <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cheese-slap-cheese-challenge" target="_blank">nothing new</a> because, well, humans. But today, Twitter user @unclehxlmes upped the game by nailing a baby with the food item, and the child variant was born. I found it hilarious but I do wonder what Scientology's official stance on the matter is. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>André George Previn is someone I (perhaps embarrassingly) was not aware of during his lifetime, but I came across him when researching for this article and knew he deserved a mention. As a composer of Hollywood film scores, Previn has won four Oscars and 11 Grammy Awards, which is a lot more than anyone you've met probably. He died at age 89 today. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frP-s7Rz3Mo" target="_blank">Sweet Genes</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> This month, was weird, man! Rome was so great but left this new spiritual awareness in me which resulted in a curious craving for a deeper connection to God, something which severely affected my year in a very profound way. Then the seclusion of Athens got me feeling a little lonely, which was knocked right out of me as soon as I hit Cape Town, suddenly surrounded by an immense amount of people. It sounds great, and it was, but due to my constant exploration of my mental state as well as how Cape Town always makes me feel a little sideways, I ended this month with a slight tap from the depression monster on my shoulder. But surely nothing to worry about, right? Hahaa, right? Right...? </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ie8pmunGy9Y/XgI_jyMn1DI/AAAAAAAAOlY/1E5-idu48jICBF0bPIDs6vGgqbhbHDBjwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_march.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, March: Hong Kong protests kick off; Keith Flint DIES; Scott Walker DIES; MySpace's music library DIES; trashtag is the best; Jacinda Ardern is an inspiration" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>02 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>German site <a href="https://metalogy.de/kann-euch-das-albsectlinefor-dont-make-this-about-you/" target="_blank">metalogy.de</a> wrote a piece about Sectlinefor's latest album, Don’t Make This About You. According to Google Translate, they like it! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taDFNZ_-87g" target="_blank">Talent Show Off</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Intense Tropical Cyclone Idai forms in Africa and runs amok through Mozambique, Zimbabwe, and Malawi for 17 days. With well over 1,000 deaths, countless more missing, 3 million affected, and $2 billion in damages, this was currently the third-deadliest tropical cyclone ever. The total death toll is said to be incalculable and will never be fully known. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>One of 2019's biggest casualties was Keith Flint, the vocalist and trademark face of the legendary British electronic outfit, The Prodigy. I got my septum pierced 18 years ago because of the guy, which is only one of the many ways in which he directly influenced my life. The Fat of the Land is an album I've reviewed plenty of times as one of the greatest 90s records easily. Anyways, there is some debate on what exactly happened, but his band members reported that Kieth took his own life today at age 49. The UK fell to bits immediately following. What an icon, gone so soon, alive now only within all of us. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Due to Kief's aforementioned passing, anyone else who died on this day were kinda squashed in the press. This includes Luke Perry, the teen idol actor best known for this role in Beverly Hills, 90210. After two massive strokes, his family turned off his life support and he died today at age 52. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>And finally, very low on today's lengthy death pecking order, I still remember you, King Kong Bundy. He was a WWF wrestler, and he died today from undisclosed causes, at age 63. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>Out of nowhere, Bolde publishes an article I wrote over a year ago. Cool, cheers for the paycheck. I'm actually quite stoked with this one too. It's called <a href="https://www.bolde.com/good-reasons-boyfriend-want-get-married/" target="_blank">9 Good Reasons Your Boyfriend Might Not Want To Get Married, According To A Guy</a>, educate yourself. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>For the second time ever, a case of sustained HIV remission is reported thanks to ol' stem cells. Let's fucking beat this thing! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ldotkjWilY" target="_blank">Live and Let Dine</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>2015 may have been when the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/trashtag" target="_blank">#TrashTag</a> first came into existence, but it was around today that it entered mass global consciousness, inspiring people all around the world to select a heavily littered area and clean it up. This is the world we live in now. It hasn't all gone to shit. People are fighting and you can too. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (8/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuvxxF1hryw/" target="_blank">Girls can do anything <span style="text-decoration:line-through">that boys can do</span>.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Nearly didn't include actor Jed Allan, but due to his 18 Beverly Hills, 90210 episodes, his 26 Lassie episodes, his 102 Days of Our Lives episodes, and his 1,089 Santa Barbara episodes, I figured some people probably cared a lot. He was 84. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIKbOMmQiwE" target="_blank">Kicked in the Class</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302 crashed six minutes after taking off from Addis Ababa Bole International Airport, killing all 157 people on board. It's the deadliest Ethiopian crash in history. Due to a similar Boeing 737 MAX 8 crash in 2018, various airlines and governments pulled the model from the sky, which I support even if I want to die in a plane crash when I grow up. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon heartbreak"></td><td>When my Heartbreak book failed to take off in quite thy everyone had hoped, I crumpled into a dark depression. Today, I pulled the plug because I was smart enough to have not signed a contract. I wrote an <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/05/my-experience-with-unbound-publishing.html" target="_blank">extensive blog piece</a> a few months later detailing the whole story, so slip off over there if you're curious. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYIHq5VrOGI" target="_blank">Elvis Impressely</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After apparently actively molested children since 1978, Australian Cardinal George Pell is finally sentenced to six years in prison, now the most senior official from the Catholic Church to be convicted of this common crime. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Today Facebook fell over and took Instagram and Whatsapp with it, a massive social outage for roughly 24 full hours. The funniest part was how the company were forced to use Twitter to give its users updates haha. It was reportedly their worst downtime in history. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aLGIOy-yqA" target="_blank">Catch Me If You Cannon</a> (written with Joe West). </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Here's another fucking horrible thing: the Christchurch mosque shootings. A gunman first attacked the Al Noor Mosque then the Linwood Islamic Centre mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand, live-streaming the first attack on Facebook, asking viewers to subscribe to PewDiePie before killing 51 and injuring 49, the deadliest in the countries modern history. Just another white supremacist fighting for the forever growing extreme alt-right scene.<br />If there is any good to come of this, then we can see it glowing from the country's prime minister, Jacinda Ardern. Unlike so many, she directly referred to this as a terrorist attack and asked people to refrain from speaking the killer's name, an admirable request which I have chosen to follow. She cancelled all of her meetings and went directly to speak to the victims and their families, promising to pay for all 52 funerals. She wore a hijab for solidarity. And she pushed for stricter gun laws, including the introduction of semi-automatic firearms with only 10 rounds (which was passed by the government) and setting in motion the ban of assault rifles completely. Admittedly, I was not aware of this political hero until now, but she gives me so much hope and we desperately need more of her in the world today. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Dick Dale was a pioneering guitarist of surf music, known as "The King of the Surf Guitar". He achieved a lot, but I think the use of his version of Misirlou in Pulp Fiction is what latter-day humans will best recognise him for. Heart failure and kidney failure led to his death at age 81. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw7_RDqXxaE" target="_blank">Bathroom for Improvement</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>My bandy wandy Sectlinefor got another album review for Don’t Make This About You, this time by <a href="http://houseofprog.com/blog/2019/03/17/sectlinefor-dont-make-this-about-you-2018/" target="_blank">House of Prog</a>. And to say the piece is absolutely glowing would be an understatement. And to say the piece is undeserved would be a humble lie. 9/10, fuckers. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Partially a music thing, partially an internet thing, partially a FUCK thing, today it is revealed that MySpace accidentally lost all of their data from 2016 and before, meaning 50 million songs are gone forever, no backup. I checked my old band's account (No Better Ego Trip) and, yup, sure enough. we'd been erased, completely eradicated from the only place you could access our one EP. I can't even fathom how this happens. As if Myspace weren't already a dirty name, this is truly their death. Let us never speak of them again. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (9/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BvJkfrtAD22/" target="_blank">I love meeting new people because it means that I can start all of my stories from the beginning again.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>With a $71.3 billion slap on the table, The Walt Disney Company consumed 21st Century Fox, one step closer on its mission for complete entertainment world domination. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Due to Google freezing out online advertising rivals, the EU fines the company $1.7 billion, bringing the total fines thus far to $10 billion. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Xiangshui County, China. An explosion at a chemical plant is so hectic it registered as an artificial earthquake. 78 people dead, 617 hurt. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>I watched The Cure! In Cape Town! I never thought that would be a thing. It was legit lit. Being such a unique event for the city, they built an entire festival around the visit featuring a bunch of local bands, and almost everyone I've ever known from my school years was there. Unfortunately, due to our over-eager anticipation, we all went far too hard the night before, so we smacked the ground crawling, but nothing a few more intoxicants couldn't fix, and by the time The Cure stepped out, we were revved up and good to go. Their setlist was impenetrably solid, hit after hit after hit. I left thinking, Jesus, how good are this band??? So fucking good! One of the best! Some photos <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvqpt1Uh-Jv/" target="_blank">hidden in this post</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qc6gscFxVg" target="_blank">A Force of Signature</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Not much hurt as much as this: today was the day that Scott Walker died at age 76 from cancer. It's so frustrating because I had just finished listening to his enthrallingly versatile discography from back to front and was amped for an even longer romance. But no, off he goes, and here I am, sad. He truly is one of the most overlooked greats that our musical history has to offer, his early work and later work could not be any more stylistically different and yet it's all so impressively good. Anyone who's anyone was greatly inspired by his talent. Listen to my 66-song 5h04-long playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6YdgJWfKs7ruvSjcck9psG?si=2S9FTFmjTGCE57rSBJw9cw" target="_blank">here</a> if you're ready for a mind-blow. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Al-Baghuz Fawqani, Syria, is reportedly liberated from ISIL, the organisation's final territory. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Roughly 400,000 people march in central London against Brexit. I was there in spirit! And by spirit I mean Likes. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>After one month and one week in Cape Town, my wallet, vitamin D and social life had been rehabilitated. Jarexit continued, off to Bangkok, Thailand.<br />Cape Town was mixed vibes and decidedly the least exciting stop of the whole trip, but this was fairly predictable because I used to live here. I also wasn't on my best form, as I always revert to an outdated version of myself when I visit the area. Standard. My family rocked my world though and I got laid a bit, so that's good! <br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br />Summary <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BvWUTz7BbaU/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />Instaz <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu1WTZ-g5Q2/" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu_mcykAqIf/" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvqpt1Uh-Jv/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>First Tweeted around here, the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/tuxedo-winnie-the-pooh" target="_blank">Tuxedo Winnie the Pooh</a> meme grew quite strong during 2019, as an image used to illustrate some sort of sophistication. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>EU Parliament votes 348 to 278 in favour for certain internet copyright laws including Article 13 which forces sites to take responsibility for copyrighted content on their platforms, OR ELSE. On the one hand, certain content creators praised the idea as it would stop people from profiting from their works. On the other hand, this will completely fuck user-generated content, such as any sampling or covered songs on YouTube etc. There was also a lot of talk about how memes would get struck by the change, but it has since come to light that these will be unaffected as they fall under "parody" fair game. Small win there. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LJsWFg7fU8" target="_blank">Citizen Train</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (10/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvdlfy9gaH0/" target="_blank">A lot of my friends put x’s after their messages but then get upset when I try to kiss them.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 March</b><br /><table><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>Today I started something brand new: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BvivOxAArAo/" target="_blank">#throwback</a> #legobiscuits! This was a great idea because (1) it meant I could go back through my years upon years of best Twitter posts and illustrate them; and (2) I now had one day off every week where I didn't have to think of something fresh. Work smarter not harder! Everyone wins! Hooray! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Worth noting that today was the original intended Brexit day, but due to some panicked negotiations throughout the month, D-Day was extended to the 29th March. Meanwhile, Theresa keeps swearing that a second referendum vote is undemocratic while continuously pushing for more votes for her agreement in parliament. She was defeated for the third time on this day, her final fart on the matter. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>When Nipsey Hussle was shot six times today, I had no idea who he was, but the love pouring out from other artists and people I knew proved that he had something to him. Apparently, Jay-Z once bought 100 copies of Nispey's mixtape Crenshaw, for $100 each. His 2018 debut Victory Lap was nominated for Best Rap Album at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards. All of this, now over, at age 33. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>31 March</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After introducing the Fugitive Offenders amendment bill, hundreds of thousands of Hong Kong citizens began to protest, demanding police misconduct investigations and democratic reform. Numbers rose to the millions, there was violence and destruction, and the government really felt the pressure from "the worst crisis in Hong Kong" since 1997. This went on for the rest of the year and continues today. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>I have literally no idea where to put this, but there was a continuous rise of the nobody meme until the point that it was everywhere you looked and became yet another overused piece of internet space. Like so:<br />Nobody: <br />Everybody: Posts a nobody meme.<br />Did I do it good? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> Cape Town made me feel weird. The Heartbreak book failure damaged my ego and I just felt a little out of place due to memories which covered the entire city like a blanket stitched from previous lives. Even worse was my pursuit of analysing myself as if I was a therapist, eventually unveiling a deep narcissism which, in turn, made me doubt all of my abilities. Perhaps the only reason I didn't realise I was shit was that I had a personality disorder? Who cares? So instead of trying to locate the root of my self-absorption, I opted to fuel it which truly made me a much happier person by the end. Truthfully, I think I just stayed in South Africa too long, and the depression was born and died during this period, no harm done. </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N9mQ4cgsSuI/XgJAI-JNT6I/AAAAAAAAOlg/7rPLnKsA9BsDiaR2YQ4qAzAXfwbvPhpZwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_april.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, April: They took a photo of a black hole; Julian Assange is finally arrested; Sonic the Hedgehog trailer LOL; Notre-Dame Cathedral burns; Billie Eilish takes over the musical world; Titanic Rising is my favourite record of the year" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>As is this date's tradition, people around the world tried to make other people look like fools. Some of the more notable trickeries included The Sun claiming there would be new coin designs based on emojis; the Daily Star who claimed that beer would become available via the NHS; LEGO announcing an app which could spot specific colours of pieces in a pile; McDonalds promising sauce-pot sized milkshakes; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsPQvZm_rgM" target="_blank">Google Tulip</a>; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY1Db-opAvo" target="_blank">Google Screen Cleaner</a>; Tinder's height verification feature; and BBC’s iPlayer “skip the sex” button.<br />Me myself I managed to convince plenty of my Facebook friends that I had become a pescetarian for the duration of my Thailand trip due to the frustrating lack of vegetarian-friendly cuisine. It was so deeply inspired by the truth that it took quite a few hours before someone called me out on it. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91pGrvmTxu4" target="_blank">Mind the Cap</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>The <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ah-shit-here-we-go-again" target="_blank">Ah Shit, Here We Go Again</a> meme started to gain super momentum around here as a response to repetitive problems, even if its roots have existed since 2004 from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (11/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BvyNKgzBfaf/" target="_blank">Life is short. Tell your friends that you love them. Watch as they awkwardly feel obliged to say it back. They don't really love you. Nobody does. Cry. Kill yourself. Life becomes even shorter. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Weyes Blood releases her album Titanic Rising, decidedly <a href="http://www.jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums" target="_blank">my favourite record of the year</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWbCOi4f9h8" target="_blank">Belly Idol</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>My two weeks in Bangkok came to an end today and it goes without saying that it blew my freaking mind. Truly one of the greatest periods of my life, I went balls to the wall and spent all the money without a shred of regret. I fell in love with Thailand just like everyone said I would, so much so that I decided to let my £70 flight to Singapore fly without me as I ventured further into this country's wonderment. I took a vote on Facebook and under my friends' guidance, I happily boarded a bus and boat to Koh Tao, arriving the next day. TBC.<br />Big shout-out to Angela and Henry for showing me around! <br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv8LP48hmtw/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvy_KsEBWi2/" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv9YKbBhqRg/" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwHm555JfMr/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcsXWqhtGWU" target="_blank">Turn that Crown Upside Down</a>. At over 90 million views, this was my most watched script of the year. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Billie Eilish's debut album, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?, hits number 1, making her the first musician born in the 21st century to do so. Well deserved! Her album actually lived up to the hype somehow! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>Another #legoloaves hit the interwebz today, namely the one that said "<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwBohJkBnaJ/" target="_blank">I Might Not Be Perfect But I'm Still The Best</a>". <i>[LEGOBISCUIT01-LEGOLOAF06]</i></td></tr><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>As per the mental health discussion at the end of March, I decided to document my recent spelunking into my neurosis via this blog. It explains everything that I was feeling recently in much greater detail, so if you consider yourself a Jared specialist, this is a must-read. It's called <a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/04/narcissism.html" target="_blank">Narcissism</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hnnGjm5m-Y" target="_blank">Gingerbready or Not</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>SOMEHOW scientists manage to take an image of a black hole using the Event Horizon Telescope. It was located in the M87 galaxy, obvz. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (12/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwENR3zpbDD/ " target="_blank">I find it funny that some girls are self-conscious about their vaginas when they could literally bring down empires using that one thing alone. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Ecuador decides to withdraw Julian Assange's asylum status and the man was arrested right away after seven years of hiding or so. He was immediately found guilty and sentenced to 50 weeks in a UK prison with further United States charges on top of that. Reportedly, he's very sick right now. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbnLr5gt31w" target="_blank">Wool Me Once</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Honestly, of all the internet things that became popular this year, nothing was as dismissive and to-the-point as the phrase "<a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ok-boomer" target="_blank">ok boomer</a>". </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Tens of thousands of youngsters marched the streets of the UK (and globally) demanding the government act against climate change. I dunno, we might actually get somewhere with this momentum. The kids will fix us. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>One week in Koh Tao done and it was time to keep moving, hopping on a boat and venturing to Koh Phangan, once again at the suggestion from Facebook friends.<br />Koh Tao though, shew, what a paradise! Unreal. Quite literally, it's not real life. Everything stops and does not exist, time evaporating in its own beauty. It felt like a proper holiday, total therapy in every way and even though I was ready to leave at this point, I'd go there again right now. Take me back!<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwPOJ8ypc97/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwzMxvZJfBl/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>A big angry fire attacked the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, swallowing the roof and the main spire. Thankfully, this damage was considered minimal and could have been a lot worse. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>You've probably never heard of Les Reed OBE, but you know his work well. It's Not Unusual and Delilah by Tom Jones? The Last Waltz by Engelbert Humperdinck? The Marching On Together Leeds United FC anthem? All of these were his compositions. In fact, he wrote around 60 charting songs in his time including stuff by Bing Crosby and Elvis Presley. Anyway, he died today at 83. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>On 22 September 2017, I started this thing where I would title my <a href="https://www.strava.com/athletes/10628867" target="_blank">Strava</a> runs with a line or two, each one building on the last, telling a short story via the platform. Surely I'm the first to do this ever, and yet no one cared. Regardless, I stuck to it, and today after 100 bits were told, I finally completed the tale. <a href="https://www.strava.com/athletes/10628867#interval?interval=201738&interval_type=week&chart_type=miles&year_offset=1" target="_blank">Start here</a> if you wanna (in the activities section). Otherwise, just wait for my next fictional novel, as an adaptation should find itself onto those pages. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (13/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwRGy6NJq62/" target="_blank">I just don’t want to end up dying alone. I want you to die with me. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRsqDThxjFQ" target="_blank">Easter Egg-scapade</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Lorraine Rita Warren (of Ed and Lorraine Warren) was a famed paranormal investigator whose endless stories have served as inspiration for plenty of horror scripts, such as The Amityville Horror and all of the Conjurings. Today, at age 92, she died and joins the ghosts she's been pestering all these years. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td><a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/rossbollinger/videos" target="_blank">Pencilmatiom</a> reaches 9 million subscribers, obviously. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3REsXIAE2M" target="_blank">Sumockery</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Eight locations in Sri Lanka were attacked by bombs on Easter Sunday, including three churches. 253 people were killed with over 500 injuries. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Ukranian comedian Volodymyr Zelensky runs for president... and wins! 73.22% of the vote! Haha politics is a literal joke. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Steven Golin was a film and TV producer responsible for such brilliant films as Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Babel, The Revenant, and Spotlight (for which he won the Best Picture Oscar). He died today of Ewing sarcoma at age 64. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Broke and broken, today I left Koh Phangan to go back to Bangkok for one more night, then leaving for Da Nang the next day, overstaying my visa by 24 hours and getting a naughty stamp in my passport. I was so battered but a much better man for the experience.<br />Thailand is as good as everyone ceaselessly goes on about, but focusing on Koh Phangan in particular, it wasn't all that in my experience. It was partially my fault, for while my accommodation was such high value for money, it was fuck off nowhere and it took a long time to get anywhere. This is particularly bad when you know about the island's dogs, who HATE foreigners and will run at you with snarling teeth, surrounding you in packs, ready to tear pieces off of you for keepsakes. Plenty of websites warn you about this, teaching you what to do because if you get bitten, there's nothing they can do except ship you back to the mainland. This caused a lot of stress in my life, forever trying to remember my training as canine snarls hovered around my every move, and it completely ruined my experience, it's all I associate with the place. There was one night in particular, walking down a pitch back road, couldn't see anything, dogs barking in the distance, aware that if someone or something killed me here, they'd never find me. It was the most terrified I've ever been in my life.<br />It's not all bad though! Full Moon Party was wicked and I enjoyed playing pool with hookers!<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwmZZK6pm7K/" target="_blank">Read my entire Thailand Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw4eI1eJ81S/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKaQAYSySe4" target="_blank">Truth or Hair</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>After a looong struggle, I finally finished up and set free <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dJL3k0VnLg" target="_blank">Chapter 4: Budapest</a> from my web series/fictional travel vlog/eventual film called <a href="http://juicenothing.com/help" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help</a>. I tried to make this episode more of an explanation piece to clear up some of the story's more complicated elements but, according to feedback, it's still really confusing. Oh well, I'll just embrace it, "confusing" is its thing now. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin meet to discuss nuclear stuff. A lot of power in that room. Not even scared. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Taylor Swift released her single ME!, somehow debuting at #100 on the Billboard Hot 100 then leaping up to #2, making it the biggest jump up the chart's history. It also broke Vevo's 24-hour record. I thought it was her worst single ever. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>After an already testing couple of days (more on that later), I was on my way out to explore Da Nang's nightlife when I realised I didn't have a condom. Rushing back into my room, I tripped over my Macbook's cable and it came crashing face-first into the ground, half the screen gone, no longer visible. I tasted my heart and my initial thought was, well, it's been good, but now I've fucked up beyond belief and I have to go back to London now, the dream is over. I went out and drank until the pain subsided and then spent the next day running around to repair stores, trying to find an English speaker who knew what to do. Eventually, I found a place which said "no problem", swapped the screen, charged me £220, and all was good again, just in time for Monday, my boss never even needed to know. THIS WAS A VERY GOOD FEELING.<br />Check out more about this story <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwyxyUkpqbb/" target="_blank">here</a>, if you feel for it. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TykiHcCArk" target="_blank">Shake It Till You Make It</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Victor Vescovo dives 10,928m within the Mariana Trench, making it the deepest dive any human has ever achieved. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>John Singleton was a film director/screenwriter/producer who is known for being the first African American and youngest person (24) to have ever been nominated for the Best Director Academy Award, for Boyz n the Hood in 1991. Just under two weeks earlier, he fell into a coma and was removed from life support today at age 51. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 April</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>The <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ax0Pb7j6Fc" target="_blank">original trailer for the Sonic the Hedgehog</a> film was released today. The reaction was so bad that the studio delayed the film to completely redesign the character. This is good. They listened. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Based on a 2017 Google result for "can cats eat salami", the image macro series <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cats-can-have-a-little-salami" target="_blank">Cats Can Have a Little Salami</a> was born. Not the biggest meme-o of the year but I felt it. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Peter William Mayhew is best known as the actor who played Chewbacca in pretty much every Star Wars film ever, from the 1977 original to 2015's The Force Awakens. He had a heart attack today and died at age 74. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>During a wave of inspiration in Koh Phangan, I posted a quick Facebook rant about <a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/04/procreation.html" target="_blank">procreation</a>, which today I moved over to my blog for all the world to see. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfcfbBn6CBg" target="_blank">Once in a Brew Moon</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (14/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw3tkpipnHM/" target="_blank">Don’t let religion ruin God for you. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>I don't know who needs to hear this but, despite existing since like two-thousand-and-fucking-thirteen, the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-dont-know-who-needs-to-hear-this" target="_blank">I Don't Know Who Needs to Hear This</a> format really exploded around this month. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>South Korea becomes the first country to super embrace 5G, with 88 other countries investing mass interest. Meanwhile, areas like Brussels went in the opposite direction, halting all tests amidst health concerns with reports suggesting links to "brain cancer, infertility, autism, heart tumours and Alzheimer’s disease". Maybe we should look into that first. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> Following on from the slight Cape Town spiral, I pulled myself together in Thailand, exercising a lot, keeping a keen eye on my diet, and ultimately getting over the whole Heartbreak book tumble. Plenty of life-highlights were experienced during this month and I can't overlook that. I was having so much fun!<br />But the end of the month shattered me into tiny fragments, and my mental health sunk to a new 2019 low point while I was in Vietnam. I wasn't eating properly, I was struck by days of <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw6_nLjpyMx/" target="_blank">heat exhaustion</a>, I got into MASSIVE online arguments about spoilers (Facebook is a dangerous place with both Avengers and Game of Thrones coming out at the same time), my laptop smashing sucked, and I just felt an overall loss of connection with "God" or whatever. My entire existence felt like it was coming apart like a badly knitted blankie and I see that I made a note in my diary which reads "I need big changes or I am going to die". Eek, pretty bad then. Really bad, actually. About as low as I've been in a long long time. </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBWY1EhGBFM/XgJAl0YEl9I/AAAAAAAAOlo/FF6xgVzLqz0mStrZN_RnJJ1ewPv0MNuxgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_may.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, May: Theresa May resigns as UK Prime Minister; women yelling at a cat becomes a big deal; Caster Semenya is too much like a man apparently; Abortion laws go crazy in the US; Prince Harry and Meghan have a bebe boy" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Despite the two images existing separately for quite some time, today Twitter user @MISSINGEGIRL put them together and the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/woman-yelling-at-a-cat" target="_blank">Woman Yelling at a Cat</a> meme was born. It's weird, I actually remember this original post for once and was surprised at how big it grew before it disappeared for a bit. But then it suddenly exploded the fuck! Like, the biggest meme of 2019 maybe, it's still everywhere, a permanent skidmark on the internet, completely lost its punch now but still worthy of the attention. It's an original piece! Really funny to begin with! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>The 2019 Billboard Music Awards. Drake fucking won 12. Cardi B was nominated for (a record-setting) 21 but only won 6. Mariah Carey received the Icon Award. It feels like there are not enough musicians out there. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Christopher Reccardi was a storyboard artist who worked on some of the biggest animated shows in your recent memory including The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show, Samurai Jack, The Powerpuff Girls, Tiny Toon Adventures, and SpongeBob SquarePants. Today he died at age 54 from a heart attack while surfing in California. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>A sniper fire from the Gaza Strip injures two Israeli soldiers, provoking Israeli Air Force to retaliate with an airstrike which killed two Palestinians. Gaza decided to one-up this move by launching hundreds of rockets into Israel, then Israeli Air Force did much the same while increasing their troop presence near the border. A ceasefire went into effect on the 6th. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (15/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw_askFpqdF/" target="_blank">Facebook: It’s your friend's birthday. Let them know you’re thinking about them!<br />Me: But I’m not thinking about them.<br />Facebook: YOU ARE NOW, MOTHERFUCKER. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>A little relieved, I boarded a plane to get the fuck out of Da Nang, arguably the most testing stop from my entire journey. My chosen destination was Kuala Lumpur purely because it was half a step closer to Australia. I remember clearly thinking, "Ok, Malaysia is going to suck, but if I can just get through these next two weeks, I'll be in Aus and everything will be cool". That's how travel-fatigued I was. I wanted to go home.<br />Still, I fought through it pretty valiantly, proven at how I got a fuckton of stuff done in spite of my brain wobbles, and if nothing else, my photography reflection looked great on social media. I am in no rush to go back though, even if I saved a ton of cash completely by accident due to currency differences! <br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxCfW_5pIvH/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxFVkbbpq9s/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxUggZvJ33Q/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHVicKqPwS0" target="_blank">In the Long Run</a>. This was a bit of a special one as it's pretty much the only Pencilmation cartoon where my name was credited on the opening title card, woohoo! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £2.9! Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and Meghan, have a baby boy and they named him Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>The Intergovernmental Science-Policy Platform on Biodiversity and Ecosystem Services reports that over a million species are now threatened with extinction all because of humans. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (16/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxHQ27vJCWA/" target="_blank">All of my mates are falling in love with their girlfriends, and here I am, falling in love with their girlfriends also.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Effective today was the ruling that all athletes with sex development disorders would require to take certain medications in order to suppress the overactive hormones. Quite understandably, most people called this out as a direct attack on female runner Caster Semenya, whose testosterone level was so high that she was shattering every record previously put into place by athletes more "chemically female". The uproar was loud and I literally couldn't tell where I stood on the matter. Can we really penalise Caster? Was she maybe not just blessed with a genetic upper hand? Then again, is this fair on other competitors? Will Caster's records only get broken when some other woman with higher testosterone comes along? Where do we draw the line? I don't draw the line because I don't have to, but I'm sure the other girls in the race were pleased by the outcome. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FiSGwGZnBY" target="_blank">Between a Sock and a Hard Place</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The 25% tariff hike on $200 billion worth of Chinese imports kicks into effect today by the United States. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Frederick Gordon Brownell is the guy who designed the flags for Namibia and South Africa, the latter of which is not only mine and Frederick's home country but is also one of the coolest flags ever made, IMHO. He died today at age 79 from pancreatic cancer. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Sad about the death of Peggy Lipton who was an award-winning actress for many things but I loved her most for her role in Twin Peaks as Norma Jennings. Today, at age 72, colon cancer killed her. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>OMGGGggggg I saw noise-pop masters Deerhoof this evening in a tiny KL venue and they were amazing and inspiring and I met them all afterwards and they signed an album for me and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxWcpRdp9_j/" target="_blank">we took photos</a> and they were so nice and AAARGHHHHH!!!! Total 2019 highlight, I still buzz when I think about it. I proceeded to groupie-spazz out the next day on social media the next morning and they saw it on Twitter, which was slightly embarrassing. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbspvY8Kf6o" target="_blank">The Big, the Bad, and the Piggy</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>The fact that Doris Day was still alive to this day was actually what surprised me the most here. As one of the biggest Hollywood stars of the early 1960s (as well as the singer for one of my favourite songs ever, Que Sera, Sera) it's safe to say she had an interesting life which reached higher heights and outlasted most, concluding today at age 97 after contracting pneumonia. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Tardar Sauce was better known as Grumpy Cat, an online celebrity due to her miserable facial features caused by feline dwarfism and an underbite. A true internet legend with countless merchandising under her name, sadly passing away today from a urinary tract infection at age 7. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Mike Wilhelm was a founding member and singer/guitarist of the hugely influential folk/psychedelic rock band the Charlatans. He was 77 and then he was no more, passing today from cancer. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzkJGOSwa7s" target="_blank">Gum and Gummer</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>As yet another worrying sign that we may be regressing as a society, Alabama signs the most insane anti-abortion laws in modern American history, banning the procedure unless the mother's life is at risk or the fetus has no chance of survival. Louisiana signed a similar bill 15 days later, outlawing abortions if a heartbeat is detected. Missouri and Georgia followed close behind. None of these made any exceptions even in cases of rape or incest and can result in prison time for both the female and the doctor. Naturally, many protests and even business boycotting took place. This is still an ongoing battle and, as it stands, abortions are thankfully still legal in all 50 states. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>A man killed himself after appearing on the Jeremy Kyle Show and ITV decided enough is enough and pull the plug. Honestly, that show is such trash, this should have happened a long time ago. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>In hindsight, what happened here can only be called an actual meltdown although it was more like a melt-up if anything because I felt great! Basically, after a few good friends got all up in my face about that same old spoiler song and dance (as well some other people crying about <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxHQ27vJCWA/" target="_blank">this #legobiscuit</a>), I suddenly realised that the root of all my depression stemmed from Facebook. My solution was genius, and I swiftly unfollowed every single person and page <i>except</i> for music-related accounts. Suddenly, I no longer had to even think about other people and instead, I had this incredible music resource hub at my fingertips! I also stopped reading all comments and swore I'd never post anything personal again, this social media platform turning into one of pure artistic submission, nothing but a gallery of my work! Brilliant! More on this later. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Today was a special day where I went on my second Tinder date ever and, much to my surprise, it ended in the best way possible: with sex stuff! She doesn't like me talking about that. Anyway, this local girl stole my broken heart with her emo-ness and apathetic demeanour and super super cute face, she made my tummy dance in all sorts of jellyfish ways. Our time together was so potent that when we said goodbye (late the next day) I was actually really gutted. I made a plan right then and there that we would see each other again very soon. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Taiwan becomes the first Asian country to legalise same-sex marriage. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Today I left Malaysia completely renewed, grateful for the time I spent there and finally ready to take on my mission again. Jarexit was coming to an end with only the final country left: Australia (Melbourne, more specifically).<br />But before we rush into that, I must pause to pay respect to Kuala Lumpur as a high functioning city with ample stuff to do and the most amazing weather I could have ever asked for. I definitely snapped out of my bleakness pretty quickly here, engaging my depression in combat, running a total of 33.55km and eating nothing but health over the two weeks. That's all you have to do, really. It's simple biology. Of course, seeing Deerfhoof and getting laid were a big part of my recovery too.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxljx2BJOO0/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxcf5Cophvf/" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxpN6_3p6UG/" target="_blank">here</a>, and (one again) the exclusive <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxWcpRdp9_j/" target="_blank">Deerhoof evidence here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>Eurovision Song Contest 2019 finals. Netherlands won with "Arcade", performed by Duncan Laurence. It's the country's 5th win. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcTseHEXPXU" target="_blank">I'm With Cupid</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The trade war between China and the United States becomes even more intense as Google pulls Android update support for Huawei phones. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>The final Game of Thrones episode is broadcasted and may I speak for everyone when I say THANK FUCK. So much time wasted! The last seasons were uber crap and this episode was like taking a giant crap on top of that crap. I haven't heard a single positive review yet. Regardless, 13.6 million viewers did make it the most watched episode of any show from HBO ever. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Today the two-panel <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/me-explaining-to-my-mom" target="_blank">Me Explaining to My Mom</a> image macro entered the meme game and did quite well all over. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyPf1olba3g" target="_blank">What's All the Hoopla?</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (17/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxtx168JdWm/" target="_blank">Use your depression for ideas. Use your anxiety to run with those ideas as fast as fucking possible.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>After <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/2019-tokyo-yandere-stabbing" target="_blank">Yuka Takaoka</a> attempted to murder her lover by stabbing him a few times, she confessed by saying that she "loved him so much, I just couldn’t help it". Couple this statement with the surfaced photos showing the attractive 21-year-old sitting casually smoking a cigarette covered in blood, and the internet fell in love with her. Of course they did. This led to much fan art on the one side of the fence, while the other half screamed at how far we've all strayed from God's light. </td></tr><tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Botswana ends its five-year ban on elephant hunting. But why? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>From here until the 26th, the 2019 European Parliament election took place. I don't know how it works but Manfred Weber from the European People's Party led the votes but the council overruled it and Ursula von der Leyen became the Commission President? Idk. Anyway, the results did reflect the state of the world as centre-left/centre-right parties lost a lot of power, while environmentalist, pro-EU centrist liberal, Eurosceptic and right-wing populist parties grew. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Richard Ashcroft from The Verve announces that, after 22 years of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards receiving ALL of the royalties from his song Bitter Sweet Symphony (due to sample use), the Stones finally signed the rights back to him. Took a while, eh. </td></tr><tr><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>Despite resulting in a slightly more complex piece, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H79tVtkdBeg" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help - Chapter Five: Rome</a> fell out of me much faster than usual and everyone agreed that it was the best episode yet. I'm still quite chuffed with it. If you've been skipping over them, now would be a good time to sit back and <a href="http://juicenothing.com/help" target="_blank">watch the whole journey thus far</a>, it's loads of fun. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After much speculation, Theresa May announces her resignation as the UK Prime Minister. About five minutes of celebration was quickly followed by a deep dread, as everyone knew that Boris Johnson was pretty much going to be the next face in line. And this would only mean one thing: we were only about to get more fucked than ever before. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>9 days after cutting myself off from Facebook, I returned, purely because of the news above. I wanted to see what everyone thought! I wanted to share my thoughts! If only there was some place to do that oh that's right.<br />As I said, this was a bad reflection of my mental state even if I was blind to how bad it was. However, I'm glad it happened for multiple reasons, including the fact that my newsfeed is still much cleaner as a result and it also showed me how much of an egomaniac I had become. I lost a lot of support points from friends due to this cyber freak-out and while I didn't care at the time, it has since helped me to readjust my stance of just where I fit in with everybody else. I guess sometimes you've got to run full force into the boundary to calculate where the happy medium is? Sounds legit. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Venezuela: a prison riot left 29 inmates dead and 19 guards injured. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3uL7kY2oYQ" target="_blank">Receding Airline</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>More prison riots today, this time in Amazonas, Brazil. It lasted two days with 55 inmates killed. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>When you travel extensively, the perpetual reorganisation of your schedule means many of the weaker links get dropped in favour of more imperative excursions. This includes reading, which is why it was today, over five months after starting it, I finished my first book of the year, namely The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a super popular self-helpie, and let me tell you, that's for good reason! It's genuinely one of the most beneficial types of texts I've ever shoved into my memory sacks, realigning my pathways and still serving me to this very day. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2053396921" target="_blank">Read my extensive Goodreads review here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>I was in like four minds about posting this but, fukkit, full-disclosure: today after a visit to the clinic, I was informed that I had contracted chlamydia. The original source should have been obvious but as I shamefully retraced my steps (and received a varying display of responses) one by one, these females came back clean. My theory is that I touched something bad on the night of a pub crawl then took my contact lenses out with infected fingers, shoving the bacteria into my pupils. Because that's where my symptoms were! Yup, that's right, I had chlamydia in my eyes, it was super gross, always watering, fused shut by gunk every morning, the works. Annoyingly, they tested me all over and then just gave me the concluded one-word result: you have <i>chlamydia</i>. Soooo I don't actually know if my trusted willy was ever exposed. Regardless, Australia rules. the clinic tested me for everything in all sorts of ways then gave me every med for free. I was clean again before I knew it. My first STI! What a special time. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICHf_OsUla4" target="_blank">Don't Give a Dam</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>T-Series becomes the first YouTube channel to hit 100 million subscribers. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>And, weirdly, on this day <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/rossbollinger/videos" target="_blank">our own Youtube channel</a> reaches the massive landmark of 10 million. Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 May</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon heartbreak"></td><td>I finally got my thoughts together on the topic and wrote an extensive piece detailing <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/05/my-experience-with-unbound-publishing.html" target="_blank">exactly what happened between myself and Unbound</a> over my Heartbreak book. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon event"></td><td>The 2019 Cricket World Cup kicks off today, ending up with England vs Wales, won by England. Wohey. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg8HkAOliDY" target="_blank">Pretty Fly for a Pencil Guy</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>From May until June, India and Pakistan experienced a heatwave hotter and longer than anything either had on record. Probably around 200 people died. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> After picking up the shattered pieces from Da Nang and glueing my life back together in some sort of recognisable shape, KL cracked the skies open and let the sunshine on my face until I felt really good again. That 7 Habits book helped me analyse myself in a different way too whilst the determining of Facebook as a problem also helped me to approach the platform with a little more caution. <br />In the end, May was a month of redirection, making decisions and walking towards them. So much of my life, I've relied on epiphanies to get anything done, but I think here I began to view the progress as a slow calculated process, which is a far more stable procedure. And then I reached Melbourne which was like a sensory deprivation chamber of chill, the end-of-month healing pretty much automatic. Good! </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DEK8UaW959M/XgJBtrf0SiI/AAAAAAAAOl0/Li1lNtu1pb0a8ApCEsa1hzFeFwawMwXcwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_june.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, June: Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have some chats; Bottle Cap Challenge happens; Jay-Z becomes a billionaire; Pencilmation rules the world; iTunes is murdered; Universal Studios burnt a bunch of music" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>In what can only be described as "a very successful visit," I boarded a plane and left Melbourne for a quick jump to the Gold Coast, pretty much exclusively to meet up with one of my all-time top mates and fellow Funpowder Plotter, Ash.<br />Melbourne may have been colder than the last few months of my life (it was their winter, after all) but it was crazy how much I managed to cram into these two weeks without a shred of stress in my body. This is because, as everyone knows, there is literally no such thing as stress in Australia. It doesn't exist! <br />I met up with old friends, I met some new ones and I left happily without any recollection of what exactly had happened back there? My hostel was fucking rad though.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByJrmc9pFxC/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Other Insta snaps <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByFYI2wJUwn/" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByPvCjWp6h9/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByXclFiJ4QQ/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>And then out of nowhere, musician Jai Paul officially releases his debut album which originally leaked in 2013. This came with two other singles but, unfortunately, the album had dated a bit in my opinion. It messed with the mystery, didn't it? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>Colin Thackery wins Britain’s Got Talent. At age 83, he's the oldest person to do so. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon infaqt"></td><td>IFAQT Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3_ReNiPmiU" target="_blank">What if Men Could Get Pregnant?</a> (this was the first official INFAQT release, so exciting) </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxq7Xx8L5wM" target="_blank">No Chess for the Wicked</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>During a sit-in Sudanese protest, the military opened fire intended to disperse the crowd. They ended up killing over 100 people with the actual numbers hard to determine due to Sudan blocking the internet directly following the incident, many bodies quickly disposed of in the River Nile. Apparently there were at least 70 rapes involved too. It became known as the Khartoum massacre. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>The Apple Worldwide Developers Conference. They announced a bunch of stuff I no longer care about. BUT, it's worth noting their grand unveil of the Apple Pro Stand, literally just a stand for your screen, which will set you back fucking $999! It's a stand! The crowd audibly gasped and laughed at this. Apple are taking the piss now.<br />On this same date, they also told us that they were killing iTunes, splitting its functions down into smaller apps such as Music, Podcasts, and TV. People mourned, forgetting that they don't even use iTunes anymore. Still, it's a legendary death all the same, RIP iTunes. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Jay-Z is certified as hip hop's first billionaire. H to the Izzo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>According to <a href="https://www.tubefilter.com/2019/06/04/top-50-most-viewed-youtube-channels-worldwide-2019-06-02/" target="_blank">TubeFilter</a>, Pencilmation was the 25th highest watched channel this week (102.8 million views) on the <b>entire</b> of YouTube! I MEAN??? At what point do I pull back and realise how many of my dreams have already come true. Now! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCAZmNFgFTs" target="_blank">Scary-Go Round</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (18/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByR2ZeKpwsi/" target="_blank">They say that men need to talk about their feelings more, so here goes: I feel like you’re a fucking idiot.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After the Finnish elections in April, a new government is formed, made up from 58% women. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (19/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByZgsoipgdS/" target="_blank">#NotAllMen!<br />I mean, definitely all of the men that I’ve met, sure. But there’s probably a decent one of us out there somewhere, right? </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Officially 6 months working from homeless today. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50kCtFCTwsE" target="_blank">Romesick</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>My one-week ride through the Gold Coast slid to a stop here, concluding my entire tour as I got on yet another plane, now homebound back to London.<br />Gold Coast, by the way, was everything any Australian city should be; endless beaches, busy nature, and hundreds of smiling Australian faces. Truly a magical conclusion to the best extended period of my life up until this point. Despite being winter, it was hotter than your average London summer and I couldn't have asked for a better host better than Ashley himself. Ash told me to come back soon. I said you have no idea, mate.<br /><a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Read the full report on this list here</a>.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byc0KKOJR4h/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary with photos here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>And that's it! Six months, 13 cities, 10 countries, and four continents later, achievement unlocked, I did exactly what I set out to do. It's an impossible experience to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ByeZQZrJY5c/" target="_blank">summarise</a> because, even if you don't leave your house, six months is a long time with many moments and it's always difficult to shove it all under one blanket. But I did leave the house. That's all I did, with new cultures and new foods and new laws and new faces each and every single day. It was epic as fuck. That said, I was pretty stoked to check up on London, for she is my first love after all, and after 27-hours of travel, I was finally walking back through the door of my old apartment. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>The 73rd Annual Tony Awards. Hadestown won eight, The Ferryman won four awards. James Corden hosted. Most people agreed that it was somewhere between lukewarm and poop. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>11 years after a fire destroyed a large section of Universal Studios Hollywood, The New York Times Magazine discloses just how extensive the damage actually was, including master tapes by Ray Charles, Sammy Davis Jr., Les Paul, B.B. King, Ike Turner, Neil Diamond, Sonny and Cher, Joni Mitchell, Captain Beefheart, Cat Stevens, the Carpenters, Elton John, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Eric Clapton, the Eagles, Aerosmith, Steely Dan, Iggy Pop, Yoko Ono, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, the Police, Sting, R.E.M., Janet Jackson, Guns N’ Roses, Sonic Youth, No Doubt, Nine Inch Nails, Snoop Dogg, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Hole, Beck, Sheryl Crow, Tupac Shakur, Eminem, and the Roots (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Universal_Studios_fire#List_of_artists_affected" target="_blank">to name very few</a>). My heart cries blood! Lawsuits naturally (and understandably!) followed. How was this kept a secret for so long? A sickeningly tragic loss. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Homosexuality is decriminalised in Botswana. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjQ_izclXGc" target="_blank">Hair Force One</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (20/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bykbaj-JJIT/" target="_blank">Babies are an interactive art piece where humans have collaborated with God. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Born with Microcephalic osteodysplastic primordial dwarfism type II, Bridgette Marie Jordan was in the Guinness World Records for the smallest living woman at 2 ft 3in. She died today at age 30. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (21/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bym9qompgED/" target="_blank">Be good to your friends so that they cry more at your funeral. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>To pay respects to my Great Escape tour, I put together a little blog piece detailing those crazy six months. I called it <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Worst to Best: Jarexit</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIAt5qFUd18" target="_blank">What a Maroon</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Amidst the protests which had turned into full-blown riots, Hong Kong announces an indefinite suspension of their extradition bill. But the protesters were not satisfied! They demanded total withdrawal as well as Chief Executive Carrie Lam's resignation! The fight goes on... </td></tr><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>2019 MTV Movie &amp; TV Awards. Avengers and Game of Thrones were nominated for four awards each just in case you were wondering how tasteless one could possibly be. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI6SQNu7IdQ" target="_blank">Three Hikes, You're Out</a> (with Joe West). </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Three suicide bombers attack a Nigerian football game, killing 65 people. No one knows what their message was. According to Wikipedia, this was "the biggest mass killing this year by suicide bombers in Nigeria" which is a weird sentence to say. What kind of measurement is that? What kind of a world are we living in? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (22/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byz0oPJpLuf/" target="_blank">I don’t think I’m better than everyone else but I am definitely working on it. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1_l2Y_JiWM" target="_blank">Bus A Move</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Desmond Daniel Amofah aka Etika was a YouTube personality who posted a video today titled <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuIf5PjozCg" target="_blank">I'm Sorry</a>, in which he talks about his mental health issues. Many took this as a suicide note which turned out to be exactly the case, as his body was found in the East River, New York six days later. He was 29. It's a bleak thing. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>French musical duo Cassius are only on my radar because their track I <&lt; U So is mine and Ammr's song, awww. Anyways, they ended today when Philippe "Zdar" Cerboneschi ended today. He fell from a 19-story building in Paris, dying at age 52, two days before the release of their fifth (and now final) album, Dreems. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Something I had been aching to do while I was away was to purchase a pair of limited edition official David Bowie vans before they sold out. Today, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/By-cH9-JmEx/" target="_blank">that ache was relieved</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>Hit my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/By-Dl8apZi0/" target="_blank">300th #legobiscuit</a>. Very few of my creative projects give me such a healthy emotion of stability. I am so grateful for their place in my life, and I could not see a future without them. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>For the first time in over 10 years, I shaved my head. The feeling of relief was instant and I have kept it short ever since. I think I summarised it best on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzKzlnpJzH1/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> but it's worth noting that I've definitely unlocked an easier level on Tinder because of it. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Taekwondo instructor Farabi Davletchin kicks a bottle cap off of a bottle and thus began the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/bottle-cap-challenge" target="_blank">Bottle Cap Challenge</a> with tons of celebrities and boring people joining in around the world. I saw a girl do it with her boob too, that was nice. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0n9f_xLmuA" target="_blank">No Man's Hand</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon fame"></td><td><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzQQ86npvjc/" target="_blank">Amazon delivery!</a> Three books specifically chosen to assist me in my quest to acquire fame. What took me so long to make this move is beyond comprehension, but better late than never! And in many ways, these three publications set in motion a mission which grew substantially as the year went on. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRwFSHuKZVc" target="_blank">Do It Yourselfie</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 June</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>During the 2019 Koreas–United States DMZ Summit, Trump becomes the first sitting U.S. president to step over the border separating North and South Korea. Everyone also agreed to keep negotiating about denuclearisation. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>Getting right back into the swing of what makes London so important, I rode on down to the O2 Academy Brixton this evening to witness Rolo Tomassi and Gojira play live. Heavy stuff! Rolo were ok but the shitty sound at Brixton didn't do their dynamic style any favours. Gojira, on the other hand, slotted right in with their one-note onslaught complete with big jets of fire, woooo! <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzXhYoeJH-K/" target="_blank">Check my Insta shots here</a>! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>This surreal meme apparently existed since 2017 but for some reason, <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/stonks" target="_blank">Stonks</a> really took off this month. It's used to denote bad business decisions. I'm really into these types. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> Traveling depression often stems from a lack of socialising, which this month did not suffer from whatsoever. Gold Coast was one part of that but then the London Summer exploded as it always does, hanging with the best of the bests.<br />Unfortunately, health and social don't always get along. I drank a lot. Other bits joined the party on one occasion. I wasn't keeping an eye on the overall picture, and by the end of the month, I started to feel... strange. It was a sense of being lost. This grand adventure was behind me, so what now? I couldn't stay at Ammr's forever. But where did I belong? Was I actually done with Jarexit? Why the fuck would anyone be done with that? Idk. I was a little confused. A little uncomfortable. But still pretty good! Pretty good is good! </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0MWTkGW2GGQ/XgJCWa4OmlI/AAAAAAAAOl8/dD1D_wpj_joMo-1nU_urn0JL6FOccfPPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_july.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, July: Old Town Road is the biggest song of the year; FaceApp steals your face; Boris Johnson is the new Prime Minsiter - fuck him; Cats trailer freaks everyone out; Mad Magazine shuts down; Belle Delphine sells her bathwater" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After withdrawing from the International Whaling Commission, Japan resumes commercial whaling after 30-years off. We're moving forward! No wait, this is backwards! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>After 23 years with the band (if you exclude the cheeky 8-year hiatus in the middle) Janet Weiss leaves Sleater-Kinney with no real exciting reason given. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>For a short but effective period over 2019, online cosplay personality, <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/people/belle-delphine" target="_blank">Belle Delphine</a>, was freaking everywhere. She rose to fame due to her ahegao face technique and then tricked 1.8 million people to Like an Instagram post with the promise that she'd make a Pornhub video account. She followed through, but it featured content such as her stroking cocks (actual roosters) or squirting (a water gun). Her 15 minutes hit their hottest today, however, when she opened an online store selling various items including her used bathwater. The fucking thing is though, she is HOT. I would do whatever. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>On this date I realised I may have been taking the piss by crashing at Ammr's and Andy's for so long and I relocated to Tanya's house. She's one of the best (if not the best) girl that I know and her house matched this perfectly. Very chilled environment, lovely company, felt super chilled and grateful to be there. I love Tanya! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>After MySpace shat and killed the biggest music library on the internet, I took it upon myself to honour my former Cape Town band, No Better Ego Trip, by uploading our only EP, <a href="https://soundcloud.com/potato_milk/sets/no-better-ego-trip-you-will-never-understands-the-secrets-of-the-scary-people" target="_blank">You Will Never Understand (the Secrets of the Scary People)</a>, to Soundcloud. And we existed once more! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>Why I love London is this story: I landed back in my home city and was listening to a playlist when a band called La Dispute came on. And I remembered they had a new album out, so surely they were touring? Were they coming to London? I looked and, yes, they were coming soon, so I bought my tickets and I went on this day. Magic! And, I mean, like, real magic, the band nailed it, as emotional live as their albums tell and kinda on a level above everyone else. Milk Teeth opened. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzcrjGfpwSt/" target="_blank">Here's my full review</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>With the release of Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Marvel Cinematic Universe became the only to gross $22 billion, beating its own previously set records of $21, $20, $19, anbd $18 billion. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkvcPxqdS2k" target="_blank">Prophet Margins</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (23/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzXxXyJJPg0/" target="_blank">If homosexuality is a sin then suck a dick for the devil. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>Finished reading Show Your Work!: 10 Ways to Share Your Creativity and Get Discovered by Austin Kleon as part of my Get Fame Quick trilogy. Short and sweet with lots of useful advice, it was the perfect stepping stone towards the world of reaching a greater audience. (3/5) <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2832337749" target="_blank">Read full review on Goodreads</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (24/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzdGJ02J7kl/" target="_blank">I love you from the bottom of my heart. You know, the anus bit? Where the shit comes out? </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Todayish, there was the sad announcement that Mad Magazine was basically over, no longer purchasable on newsstands after 67 years, only reprinted old material available through direct mail order. I grew up on this stuff! Mad made me who I am! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (25/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BziGX6ophs-/" target="_blank">I liked your post to remind you that I exist, hi. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon infaqt"></td><td>IFAQT Script: Crazy but true, I first started writing this script on the 25th of July <b>2017</b>! I wrote it before I even started at Pencilmation! And now here it is, finally! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amfpXGeZ2Zs" target="_blank">What If We're Eating Too Much Gluten?</a><br />And then... just like that... INFAQT was pretty much over before it began. Bossman realised that the production time wasn't balancing with the views, so we "paused" it and moved on. But who knows what will happen in the future! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>The Russian application FaceApp releases a new feature today where you can see what you will look like as an elderly person. Suddenly, our newsfeeds were filled with our friends except they were all old and shit, ew. The conspiracy theorists jumped in shortly afterwards, detailing how Russia could be using this data to breach your security. All the while I didn't even install the thing because why rush? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Besides having the coolest name in Hollywood, Rip Torn was also an actor with 60 professional years under his belt, which includes an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor and six Emmy nominations (winning one). He died today at age 88. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After like 80 years of service or something, the final Volkswagen Beetle ever is made, no more will come into this earth. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Spreading the Jed love far and thin, I moved out of Tanya's today and ventured to the very outskirts of what could even be considered London (Kingston upon Thames) to my mate Clint's house. Vincent stays there too, and these brothers make up the "horrorcore" act named <a href="http://mensvreters.com/" target="_blank">Mensvreters</a>. If you've been paying attention, I post about them all the time, and their house was exactly what you'd expect it to be like. I took some photographic evidence <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzyTbIxJ7x4/" target="_blank">here</a>. It was an inspiring stop, these guys are on another level and I was in awe of what I witnessed every day. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PGxNUW5Rqk" target="_blank">There's Snow Globe Like Home</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>Quite a thrill to be at Mensvreter's house then travel with them to a gig of theirs, helping them to set up and then watch them perform their dark gross magic. Their show was sick, and I mean that quite literally. The amount of attention to detail that they put into each performance goes above and beyond, everybody should see them live at least once in their lifetime. My mate came and he told me that he had legit nightmares that night. I drank a bit excessively though, more than any man really should, the hangover lasted days. Worth it? Yes! Would I do it again? I'd drink less next time, sure. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon fame"></td><td>Today I launched my email-capture <a href="http://jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/newsletter" target="_blank">newsletter page</a>, where people could exchange their mailing address with a promise of a better future. It was a while before the monthly newsletters started coming out but it was just yet another step in the right direction towards snagging that elusive fame (according to the books). </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKg_Am-w0Rg" target="_blank">An Inconvenient Tooth</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Alan Turing is announced to be the face of new £50 note. I learned about him from The Imitation Game! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>You've got to be South African to full appreciate and mourn the life and death of Johnny Clegg, a musician who was a staple figure of my youth, fighting apartheid with the power of his music. Dude was such a legend, I feel like he did a lot more to soften racism than most people realise, hence why it was a sad day today when he passed at age 66 from pancreatic cancer. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>After many many years of trial and error, Mexican Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán is sentenced to life in a U.S. prison. He is famous for exporting more coke/meth/weed/heroin to the country than any other trafficker in history whilst also shoving loads of gear into Europe. There's a good chance that if you take illegal narcotics, you've put some money in his pocket before! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (26/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0BE-T-JNAW/" target="_blank">Who called it "digital nomadism" and not "working from homeless"? </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>A 41-year old man named Shinji Aoba sets fire to the Kyoto Animation studio, killing 36 of the 71 people working there. It was one of the deadliest massacres in Japan since World War II. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>The trailer for the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq50F-IDXDc" target="_blank">Cats film</a> was released and everyone agreed that it was "terrifying" and "bad". </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>The final family to adopt me were my good good good friends, Adam and Didi. Best. After the accommodating creative whirlwind that was the Mensvreter's boys, this place could not be more opposite, with a greater focus on healthy food, positive conversation, essential oils and correct posture practices. I felt like I was being taken care of which is something I desperately need in my life. So much love to these two! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>Another step in the "work less without anyone noticing" ethos, I swapped out Monday #legobiscuits with drawings of famous quotes hidden beneath the <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzpzgcRJtk7/" target="_blank">#mondaymotivational</a> hashtag. It works! Reddit love these things. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Spongebob memes at it again, this year with <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ight-imma-head-out" target="_blank">Ight Imma Head Out</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHQ1dBHYjXg" target="_blank">Score Loser</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>After raking in $2.7902 billion within three months, Avengers: Endgame beats Avatar's $2.7897 billion as the highest-grossing movie of all freaking time. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (27/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0QgUEfJnH-/" target="_blank">I Liked your status but jokes on you, I don’t like anything. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Boris Johnson assumes office as the UK Prime Minister. And things went from fucked to fuckeder, until forever. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>Marking the exact mid-point of the film and here comes <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msbWdjPF63c" target="_blank">Chapter 6: Athens</a> of <a href="http://juicenothing.com/help" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help</a>. This piece was complex as fuck, featuring two mini-films within the film each with varying styles. I'm still extremely happy with it, the work that went in was obvious and I felt no shame in taking a break from the project for the rest of the year, this being the final 2019 piece. I had to focus my energy on wrapping other pursuits, but never fear! My mind continues to warm these eggs and 2020 shall be the year where it all comes together. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>At 63 years old, Trudy was the oldest known living gorilla in the world, but not anymore. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>My type of disaster: a heatwave hits the UK, reaching 38.1C in some areas, just missing our all-time record. It was glorious! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon cdh"></td><td>And then in a weird alignment of stars (or, rather, the aforementioned sun-star), on this exceptionally hot day I also threw my farewell party (more on that shortly) which coincided with the only Sectlinefor gig of the year (my band). It was bittersweet. The gig was incredible, it was the first time we got to play material from our newest album <a href="https://soundcloud.com/sectlinefor/sets/dont-make-this-about-you" target="_blank">Don't Make This About You</a>. That record is so strong to my ears that the thrill of the perfomance should have been enough of a reward. However, the turn out was dismal! At least 15 or so friends confirmed their attendance and never showed up. I'm sure the heat played a role but still, it was like... my gig <i>and</i> my farewell party? And you still won't come? Where am I on your list of priorities? And... actually, what makes me think I should be on your priority list in the first place? I suck! Regardless, my decision to adventure again was even easier after this. Really such a pity more people weren't there though. The gig was really good. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ZArJdpZsR/" target="_blank">Photos here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>Finished reading I'd Rather Be in the Studio!: The Artist's No-Excuse Guide to Self-Promotion by Alyson B. Stanfield. As the second of my "quest for fame publication trilogy", this one went much deeper into self-promotion from all sorts of textbook angles. Not exactly riveting reading but I am still pursuing advice from it 'til this day. Invaluable, really. (4/5) <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2832334646" target="_blank">Read full Goodreads review here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oS7Nemi6Yo" target="_blank">Cruisin' for a Bruisin'</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Russi Taylor did voices, many of which you've heard. Minnie Mouse? Huey, Dewey, and Louie from DuckTales? Pebbles Flintstone? Martin Prince from The Simpsons? All her. She died from colon cancer today at age 75. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £4.9! Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>I have no documentation to indicate when exactly I made the decision, but I guess I always kinda knew that my Jarexit travels were not over. Why would they be? Who in their right mind would intentionally severe something so incredible? I had to run this thing dry! And so I set off on a train today to do just that: Jarexit Part II. First stop: Glasgow, Scotland, to visit a friendly (and very pretty) face named Giulia.<br />I wrote a long <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ac8Y9pcSl/" target="_blank">Insta summary</a> about my London visit and it wasn't exactly a glowing review. A good argument could be made that my ego was still wincing from the poor attendance of my gig two days previous. Regardless, London is still my first love, even if 2019 tested our relationship massively, not only in terms of personal connections but obviously, the UK politics too, which further tainted the country more as the year went on. Anyways, let me run away from all of that! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjFLTnm-IKA" target="_blank">Battery Will Get You Everywhere</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>No other 2019 music story was quite as fascinating as that of Old Town Road by Lil Nas X. It's such a modern tale of awesomeness, and it goes like this: a producer named YoungKio sampled 34 Ghosts IV by Nine Inch Nails to make an instrumental beat, which Lil Nas X bought for $30 then recorded this song in one day, releasing it on December 3rd, 2018. Thanks to video-sharing app TikTok, the track fucking exploded, going on to hit number one then holding that position for seventeen weeks on this date, breaking the record for the most weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 in history, eventually becoming the fastest song to be awarded diamond certification EVER as well as going on to earn Trent Reznor a Country Music Association Award because of the sample. Hahaha! It stayed at #1 for another week following this too before Billie Eilish knocked it off, setting her own record as the first person born this century to have a #1 single (a song which was recorded in her brother's bedroom, by the way). So rad. This is exactly where we are. I love it!!! Biggest track of the year for sure. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 July</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>This is absolutely mental, but have you ever heard about triple talaq? It's where a Muslim man says the word "talaq" (Arabic for "divorce") three times in a row and it instantly means he and his wife are now divorced, a completely legal procedure, very popular in India. How is this even the thing?? Thankfully, the powers that be agreed, and from today, it was ruled illegal. I should think so! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J27UxsUxp_8" target="_blank">Xtracurricular Activities</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reported that July 2019 was the hottest month on record globally. Yup, our death is coming and it's gonna be nice and warm. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> Looking over my mental health diary and London was great! Weird how I hardly remember it? <br />I ran a lot. I ate healthily. My social life was buzzing. And even if there was this underlying unsettling self-imposed emotion that I was invading people's home I still felt great because Sun + London = best city in the world.<br />On a spiritual level, I started to realise the connection of where the vibe you put out is the vibe you will receive. I'm still working it all out but the key is LOVE and HELPING OTHER PEOPLE. It sounds obvious and cliché but this concept has continued to guide me as the year's gone on. The root answer is in there all along, just like everyone said.<br />Anyways, the end of July was pumped full of exciting fuel and I was ready to take over the fucking world. Jarexit Part II. This time, it's personal. Lol, nrly. But I was in a good mood. </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qYvf20MVvJY/XgJDAGgamJI/AAAAAAAAOmE/J2ztD8M7cSkRSkPYcD9Zqv-M408BouvkACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_aug.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, August: Amazon rainforest is on fucking fire; Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself; El Paso shooting; Tool finally release a new album; Tumblr sinks; Hurricane Dorian destroys" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Worrying reports come in that a large spike in Greenland ice loss took place over July, with 11 billion tons melting in one day and 197 gigatonnes during the month gone gone gone. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>I'm quite proud of how I've maintained a strong stream of productivity as I galavanted around the world, but it's easy to see that this blog suffered the most from neglection. I finally addressed this from the same sinking platform using a piece called <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/08/juice-nothing-is-dead.html" target="_blank">Juice Nothing is Dead?</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Typhoon Lekima begins here and goes across China, killing 90 people and causing $9.28 billion in damages. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The United States withdraw from the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty with Russia, but I'm sure it's fine. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Walmart, El Paso, Texas, U.S, and a 21-year-old white nationalist gunman shot 22 people dead. It was the deadliest mass shooting of the year. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hkbt8356xP8" target="_blank">I Know What You Did Last Number</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>One quick week in Glasgow done and off he goes again! Italy bound! Pisa!<br />Glasgow was perfect, not only because I got to hang with Giulia (and Kate and Dan and Emma!) but also because it was the ideal transition point away from London, where the language and the money were the same but also completely different. It may have been quite rainy (they tell me that's standard) but that didn't stop me from seeing tons of stuff and really getting a feel for this naturally-beautiful area. Plus I embarked on a self-designed Trainspotting-spotting tour, which was just the type of crazy shit that I'm into.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0u90jIJEBw/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0v6px5JB9P/" target="_blank">here</a> and (the Trainspotting collection) <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0lVWddpm2s/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>13 hours after the Walmart shoot-up, and a 24-year-old opened fire on Ned Peppers Bar in Dayton, Ohio, killing 9 people. 'Murica! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Announced around here: anyone who had visited North Korea since March 1, 2011, would no longer qualify for the U.S. Visa Waiver Program, forcing them to apply for a tourist visa instead. This bummed me out as I was actually planning to visit the country in October but decided against it due to this very reason. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td><a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/trying-kombucha-for-the-first-time" target="_blank">Trying Kombucha for the First Time</a> becomes a whole new thing. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xy0uS3E7SE" target="_blank">Good Goldfish</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (28/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B02-tejJsh2/" target="_blank">Life is not about the number of Instagram followers you have.<br />It’s about the number of accounts you are following, subtracted from the number of followers you have cos that’s your actual score. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (29/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B08IVvGplo3/" target="_blank">You guys say that you’re depressed but then get all weirded out when I suggest a suicide pact, you fucking posers. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>The night before this date and I had a lovely phone chat with a London girl I used to see. She seemed really happy. I missed her a lot. I started wondering if I'd made a mistake. I started wondering if I should go back. She expressed similar sentiments. <br />These wandering wonders were swiftly answered today when her boyfriend obviously found out about our convo and he <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B04NuVGJSJ-/" target="_blank">defaced a painting</a> I had gifted to her before I left last year. She completely took his side too. Idk, if you want to hurt me, destroy my art and spell my name wrong in the process, good move. It's a declaration of war in some circles, but in the end, I left it. He's obviously very secure and I wish them the best. I can't focus on this shit, it holds me back and there is work to be done. But I still miss her, and I want her to know that. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>After convicted sex offender and notorious celebrity confidant Jeffrey Epstein was arrested again, many powerful people with secrets yelped. And then, on this day, at age 66, Jeffrey "hung himself do death" according to the medical examiner. ALTHOUGH DID HE? If his layers and/or the entire internet has anything to contribute about the matter, it's "Epstein Did Not Kill Himself!". It became a running joke, a punchline, raising awareness while also laughing over the fact that a man who abused countless little girls has just bee murdered as a cover-up. Still, it's a fascinating story, definitely something weird about all of it. Maybe they'll reopen the case. There's a lot of pressure from literally everyone. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>At least 114 people die in the monsoon-related floods of India. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>As microblogging/social networking site Tumblr continued to spiral (losing about 100 million visitors in two years or so) it was sold to Automattic (an operator of WordPress) for $3 million. Considering Yahoo originally bought it for $1.1 billion, that's quite a loss lol. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Today my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/legotrip/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> balanced out to have 420 Following and 666 Followers. That didn't last long but life is all about these fleeting moments of beauty. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Mr. Bungle announces a reunion for a couple of shows. OMG COME TO ME I WILL PAY ANYTHING YOU CAN SLEEP ON MY COUCH. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (30/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1GkrIcJn5B/" target="_blank">You say “constructive criticism,” I say “I’m never fucking talking to you ever again”. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (31/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1I7hXppXFr/" target="_blank">I’m not saying that bread leads to paedophilia, but when considering Jared Fogle and the Catholic Church, the theory does check out. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Who Framed Roger Rabbit is basically the best movie ever made, so I need to pay some quick respects to Richard Williams, the animation director for this film which lives deep within my heart. He passed today at age 86. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Clocking in at 10:21, Tool’s new single Fear Inoculum becomes the longest song to ever chart on the Hot 100. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>So, as it turns out, two weeks is a long time to spend in a tiny city which only has one thing. Did I see the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Yes. Like, every day.<br />Truthfully, it is a cool building, I dug it a lot and the lack of notable landmarks granted me much breathing room to work my ass off and make decent headway towards building my empire. The sunshine really helped too!<br />That said, it wasn't all leaning towers and creative projects, as I did find my fair share of ways to kill hours, including spending a day in the near town of Lucca and eating vegan ice cream with Ella. Regardless, I did feel like my Italy time had been cheated so I opted to board a train and get a better experience in Florence from here. Wish me luck!<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1QvYlvJvHG/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0_TI7ApUh5/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1OxlldH8T5/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £2.4! Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>It's kinda weird and concerning when 100 people throw a funeral for a glacier, but that's what happened in Iceland today. Okjökull glacier was the ceremony star, now completely melted away even though it was once 15.5 square km in size. Uh oh. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon painting"></td><td>I never have time for side project art anymore but thanks to the free time of Pisa, I <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1UPxmppZvi/" target="_blank">knocked up this piece</a> which stood as the perfect representative of what I'm all about, still my profile pic everywhere. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Billie Eilish's Bad Guy hits #1 of the Billboard Hot 100, making her the first artist born in the 21st century to do that also. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (32/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Yh3d4J1Gr/" target="_blank">One thing every country has in common is a picture of Cara Delevingne somewhere in their airport. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>The Amazon rainforest is on fire! Like badly! About 906,000 hectares lost. Global warming is one reason but primarily this was an intentional deforestation move for agriculture space. Everyone on Facebook was freaking out, posting oh so many posts but then they all forgot about it and kept eating meat. With Jair Bolsonaro in power, we have a lot more of this to look forward to unless YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR OWN LIFE. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (33/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1bJHktJr2t/" target="_blank">I know God did the very best he could but the human knee was a pretty shoddy design. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>So once it came to my attention that the Amazonian fires were intentional, a clearing process to make room for more livestock farming, I realised I no longer wanted to be a part of this industry. And thus began my slow and painful journey towards cutting out dairy from my diet. I'd already quit milk, so my next order was to cut out the most difficult two: cheese and chocolate. I stumbled on numerous occasions, but for the most part, I only ate cheese that was bought for me out of politeness, although I once bought cheese and picked it off the sandwich. Another blunder was when I bought a chocolate McFlurry because I was depressed. Baby steps though! It's really difficult cos I don't actually want to do this, but it's for the bigger picture. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>One could easily write an entire blog this length about the Hong Kong protests all on their own, but I did particularly like this point today when 210,000 people formed a 50-kilometre human chain stretching along both sides of Hong Kong harbour. How can you not support something like that? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (34/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1gROzIJK25/" target="_blank">Always aim for the stars so that you suffocate and die without oxygen. </a> </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Hurricane Dorian kicks up a brutal storm starting today, lasting for 17 days, over the Bahamas. It was considered the worst disaster in the country's history, with 80 fatalities and $4.68 billion in damages. God wins again. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Talk about intensity, I crammed so much into this Jarexit week that I briefly changed my name to Florence. Such a magical city, a true Italiano experiencio, so rich with culture that I nearly spewed a masterpiece onto the sidewalk. This city is a miracle. I looked at pieces from all the Ninja Turtles. Naturally, such inspiration doesn't come cheap and I spent far too much cash here, but it was worth every penny to feel so insignificant as an artist. <br />When considering the art and the religion and the pizza, it's no surprise that 2019 totalled 5 of my weeks in this country and I still can't wait to go back. But for one year, this was enough as I packed my bags and flew off to Bucharest, Romania.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1l6a2Hp3xs/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Zd_nopiA9/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1gy7SYJrcq/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1jYbHtpkhw/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>2019 MTV Video Music Awards where Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, and Billie Eilish all won three each. Girl power! I'm fine with this. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon fame"></td><td>And then it happened: I launched my first newsletter! And I continued to do so, one a month, until right now. The listeners are small but strong and it's just such a godsend to have a little secret plain where I can talk directly to ears without the usual noise.<br />The whole concept is tips on promotion, artistic potential, and pursuing fame. The idea is for me to learn and teach at the same pace, passing everything on and hopefully illustrating how it's done by example. It also includes a monthly random prize draw as well as first dibs on everything I do, so I like to believe it's worth the email address. Do you? <a href="http://jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/newsletter" target="_blank">Join the party if so!</a></td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNzaRqqR8_Q" target="_blank">The Birth of a Crustacean</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>After give or take a million years (13) Tool finally release Fear Inoculum, their fifth record. People who didn't like it missed the point: this could have been really bad! It wasn't! Be fucking thankful!<br />This also coincided with their arrival to Spotify which was a relief, and I quickly devoured their entire catalogue in chronological order. It was good! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>31 Aug</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £2.4! Woohoo! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> August was revolved around spiritual fulfilment, which is something I struggle with and am always lacking. Truth be told, I was looking for it in all the wrong places, like in Italian Christian churches or as I read the Bible every day obsessively. Still, in spite of my agnostic ways, I did click deeper that the key to true spiritual connection is to help your fellow man, which doesn't come naturally to me, but as the year went forward, I found a lot of happiness in this pursuit. My notes betray a small sliver of emo-ness about a lack of intimacy, but all in all, I was feeling sparky with a wet nose of joy. </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nrx1kWh_2uU/XgJDi5HJLBI/AAAAAAAAOmM/IP9KzfWErJ89439Zt_J3ilZNjj2dHgqdACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_sep.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, September: Greta Thunberg screams the adults down; Robert Mugabe croaks; nobody storms Area 51; Daniel Johnston passes RIP; vaping kills; Thomas Cook implodes" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>03 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59bYiw_pOT8" target="_blank">Never Letter Me Go</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Hong Kong protesters score a huge victory today as Chief Executive Carrie Lam announces that the Fugitive Offenders and Mutual Legal Assistance in Criminal Matters Legislation has been officially withdrawn! A study was also announced to look at inequality within the area. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>One year smoke-free! There were occasional vaping-incidents here and there but I could count those on one hand, and by all accounts, it was a cold turkey success. Let it be known, however, that I miss that sweet tobacco every day and I would never recommend quitting to anyone. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Speaking of smoking, a lot of reports were coming in linking severe lung illnesses and 47 deaths to vaping, especially in America. Everyone pointed fingers in every direction, India banned the sale of the products soon afterwards and I just sat here with a bittersweet smugness. For so long many of my friends claimed vaping was the healthier option while stating they had "quit smoking" whilst still inhaling massive clouds of fruit steam from the robot dicks. I always told them that we didn't have the data to support the effects, and here we are. Also, you have not quit smoking if you're vaping, dumbass! You're still shoving nicotine into the craving hole! You don't know what quitting is like!!!! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>How does someone sum up a figure such as Robert Mugabe? Like so: the man was the President of Zimbabwe from 1987 to 2017, praised as a revolutionary who helped free his people from British colonialism/white minority rule while also being a dictator who destroyed the economy and was responsible for many crimes against humanity. I know many Zimbabwean citizens and they were all happy to see him die today at age 95. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>Finished reading Fame 101: Powerful Personal Branding &amp; Publicity for Amazing Success by Jay &amp; Maggie Jessup. And thus ends my "get famous by reading books" trilogy. It went well, and I really did enjoy this one as it was less concerned with "promotion" (although that was there) and instead massively pushed for fame as a formula. Plenty of motions were set and continue spinning until this day thanks to the Jessups and while I'm not famous yet, I believe a lot of what they said to be true (4/5). <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2832322316" target="_blank">Read full Goodreads review o'ere</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Bucharest, Romania, done! And what a wonderful time it was! The weather held it together with warm arms and the nightlife life was vibrating, all the while I got a lot of exploration done! Along with this, I had my own private space, I ran a lot, I ate healthily, and I got tons of work done. Of all places I'd been to this year, I don't think I ever quite hit the balance as perfectly as I did in this city. Oh, and the urban decay? The best I've ever seen. <br />By recommendation, I also spent some time in Brasov but I didn't find this to be as cool (except for the "Hollywood" Brasov sign, super lols!). Oh well, off to Dubai then! Also, hi, Ina!<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HDZ3ApIFW/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Photo sets <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B19gk9rpkXI/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2GmllDpAMy/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2ADchvJ_FL/" target="_blank">here</a> (the last batch includes Brasov). </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmHyr-Wcx8c" target="_blank">Hangman's Not</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon painting"></td><td>The first winner of my <a href="http://jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/newsletter" target="_blank">Newsletter Lottery</a> was a guy named Danny, his random prize being "a cartoon drawing of his favourite animal performing his current occupation". He requested a "<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2J9D17pN95/" target="_blank">honey badger as a network maintenance guy</a>" and so be it. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>After attempting to enter a football game at an Iranian stadium as a woman (illegal!) and facing six months in prison, Sahar Khodayari (aka Blue Girl) decided to protest by setting herself on fire in front of the Islamic Revolutionary Court of Tehran. She died one week later (today) from her injuries but her death was not in vain, as Iran agreed to allow women to attend the games now, lifting a 40 years ban. Amazing what a little self-immolation can achieve. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Despite the work that needed to be done, The Parliament of the United Kingdom was suspended by Boris. MPs were in an uproar as it seemed like a sneaky tactful move to slip his Brexit deal through, many refusing to support the shutdown. The Supreme Court eventually ruled that this move was unlawful and void. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon science"></td><td>Astronomers find water on exoplanet K2-18b, the first habitable area around a star that we know of. This might mean nothing. This might mean EVERYTHING. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>This one didn't really reach me like it did some people but every "Best of Internet 2019" list seems to feature it, so here you go: <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/keke-palmer-sorry-to-this-man" target="_blank">Sorry To This Man</a>. It is funny. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>This was a biggie for me (and many people). Daniel Johnston passed today at age 58 from a suspected heart attack. He's pretty much the poster boy for taking genuine mental illness and accurately reflecting it into artistic genius. He's the true king of DIY lo-fi pop and there never was nor will there ever be a musician like him again. The Devil and Daniel Johnston is probably the greatest music documentary I’ve ever seen. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Quick shout out to Mardik Martin, co-writer to some of Scorsese's biggest films, such as Mean Streets, New York, New York, and Raging Bull. He died today at age 84. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon painting"></td><td>How lovely it was to be part of this four-way comic collaboration with three artists I love and respect muchly. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2Uo9pLJqMY/" target="_blank">More of this please</a>! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (35/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2WMDpMJ7W-/" target="_blank">I once didn’t kill myself because I couldn’t word the suicide note quite right. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Ric Ocasek was the lead vocalist/songwriter and rhythm guitarist for the Cars. He died today at age 75 from hypertensive heart and coronary artery disease. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>With probably the most impressive set of nominations since 2015, Dave wins the Mercury Music Prize 2019 with Psychodrama. I'm fine with that. It's a good album. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>I hated this: today the first example of the <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/gonna-tell-my-kids" target="_blank">Gonna Tell My Kids</a> meme was posted and it became one of the laziest macros of the year. So much unfunny. Shame on you if you perpetuated this lameness in any way. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>17 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrm1H91NgcI" target="_blank">Tonsil and Regretil</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (36/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2ghoq5pXhz/" target="_blank">“You guys need to be more environmentally conscious and quit supporting the livestock industry,” scoffs Jared as he boards his 15th flight of the year. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (37/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2jGtv4pXlP/" target="_blank">It’s fascinating how quickly we will trust someone enough to put our dicks between their teeth. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>For three days, (mostly) young people protested before the UN Climate Summit, demanding climate crisis action. We're talking about 4 million strikers worldwide. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>After 2 million people agreed to attend the Facebook event "Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us", the day had finally arrived. Due to the countless memes spawned as a result, you'd be forgiven in thinking that this would actually be a thing but it wasn't. 150 humans turned up at the gates and two lame festivals tried to cash in on the hype, but nothing was stormed, no one was shot, no aliens were freed. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Dubai was unlike anything I'd ever seen, I still can't really believe it exists. I guess that's what happens when you build a city from scratch in the desert? Sure, there's a strange vibe like you're always being watched and one of my friends very arrogantly pointed out that there's still a slavery problem there, but if you view it from a standpoint of a traveller, then it's truly a feat of modern-day construction. Everything is the biggest and the best and tallest and the fastest in the world. The skyline is like a sci-fi flick. And the weather... was way too hot! Nearly 40°C some days, it felt like death was lapping my heels! I met some great people though, I went on a few Tinder dates and I weirdly saved money because everything is so expensive that you don't even try. Total success! Travel highlight! I will never forget it! I really miss it! Off to New Delhi next! Keep the party moving!<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2rh2AJpe34/" target="_blank">Read my Insta summary here</a>.<br />Photo sets <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2e3ZfeJ7Gz/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2o-KbmpmMj/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2o-0OCJqJs/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>J. Michael Mendel isn't exactly a famous name but he did win four Emmy Awards for his production work on The Simpsons and Rick and Morty. He died from "natural causes" at age 55. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The 2019 UN Climate Action Summit is held in New York City. Greta Thunberg stole the show with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9KxE4Kv9A8" target="_blank">her speech which was so firey</a> that it even got Trump's attention. The 73-year old man sarcastically mocked the 16-year-old,calling her "a very happy young girl looking forward to a bright and wonderful future". This means she's doing something right. She then changed her Twitter bio to that exact quote, which was a classy move on her part. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon crown"></td><td>On that note, there could be no other Queen of 2019 other than Greta Thunberg. Her 16-year-old face became synonymous with the fight against climate change and it seems like she's handing the title with all the stern power it needs. Millions of people are following her inspiration and she is all the proof you need that one person can make a huge fucking difference. Time Magazine agreed, naming her the youngest Time Person of the Year ever, while she's also up for a Nobel Peace Prize. It's certainly a relief for me when the biggest personality of the year is this obvious. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Thomas Cook airlines go bankrupt, 600,000 tourists suddenly stranded worldwide. I flew with them once. They were great! :( </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Russia joins the good side and adopts the Paris climate agreement. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Robert Hunter is a behind-the-scenes legend, having contributed lyrics to many of the Grateful Dead's signature tunes. He was even inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame despite being a non-official member! He's dead now, 78. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The formal impeachment inquiry against Donald Trump is announced. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L55afBHKNew" target="_blank">License &amp; Sensibility</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (38/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B21A27JJ3Jx/" target="_blank">I’ve started to refer to myself as “Mr. President” within my internal monologue and it’s completely transformed my life. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>There's no real reason to post this, but my good mate Clint sent me some snaps he took of me when I was in London for my Tinder profile. I didn't end up using any, but the response from friends was positive, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B25yULHpz8V/" target="_blank">so here those are</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 Sep</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Often an unsung art form is that of film title sequences, but as far as the best go, Wayne Fitzgerald was way up there. You know his work if you've seen any of the following films: Rosemary's Baby; The Godfather: Part II; One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest; The Deer Hunter; Apocalypse Now; Annie; Sixteen Candles; The Breakfast Club; Basic Instinct; White Men Can't Jump; and Groundhog Day to name A FEW. He died today at age 89. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> By some miracle, September was yet another stable month. Impressive! Could it be... the sunshine?<br />I did have another Facebook hiccup where I once again connected any depressive thoughts to social media, but it's all about learning (I even spent a week only responding to comments using emojis which I thought was genius). I was also feeling quite overwhelmed with all the work I'd shoved on my plate, but that's hardly where I suffer the most. So, yeah, September was good, and even if New Delhi was a different pacing, I was still loving my brain at this point. Was this some sort of a record? Maybe! </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hjgG9UK31Gg/XgJEEIBBaZI/AAAAAAAAOmU/oC0fYntmECULb7DxFpijzCxOJIbNi_PugCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_oct.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, October: My birthday in Tokyo; Ginger Baker died; Elon Musk does some stuff all year long; My Chemical Romance get back together; John Witherspoon dies; I read the Bible" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZifQDkCbOBE" target="_blank">A League of Their Gnome</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (39/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3EZ2lLpCHk/" target="_blank">My trick to being a decent male is to not listen to any of the things that my brain tells me to do. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Kim Shattuck has quite the rock resume, most notably as the frontwoman from the Muffs as well as replacing Kim Deal in the Pixies for a few touring months. It took everyone by surprise when she died today at age 56 from ALS complications, a condition she never disclosed publicly. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>03 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>The excellent film posters for Alien, Rosemary's Baby, and Downhill Racer were designed by a man named Philip Gips. He died today at age 88. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Typhoon Hagibis forms in Japan and fucks around the area for 16 days, causing $15 billion in damage and killing at least 95 people. It was the worst typhoon to hit the Kantō region since 1958. Thank goodness I wasn't planning to go to Japan any time soon. Oh wait! I was! Shit! Spoiler alert: it turned out fine. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Hong Kong bans the wearing of masks in public to immediate effect. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Whew, so India was a trip. Truth be told, I found the experience to be rather exhausting which shouldn't be surprising because I've been here before and last time I found the experience to be rather exhausting.<br />New Delhi is harassment city, where every corner hides a new group of people who try to sell you stuff and practice their English on you and take selfies with you regardless of your consent. It's like being famous and I hate it, which is a bad sign of things to come. It's also so dirty that I can't even think about it without washing my hands.<br />But there is a certain magic here that no other city holds. In hindsight, it's the insanity which leaves the strongest impression and I legit crave the place. I was so excited to leave and now I just want to go back. And there was a lot to love, like making some legit good mates at the hostels who I'm still in contact with, and making sexual intercourse with a Tinder girl. It's also hilariously cheap which was needed especially considering I was off to Kuala Lumpur which proved to be anything but.<br />More on that shortly.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3Oj7DdJAe6/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Photo sets <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B29ZSoypNJ8/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3IA0qdJTfS/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3MJq4fJSXO/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>06 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>You may recognise actor Robert Forster from many places, including Jackie Brown, Mulholland Drive, Breaking Bad, or Twin Peaks. Decent list. He died today at age 78 from brain cancer. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon painting"></td><td>Following on from the success of our last collaboration, those involved brought more people into the mix and we created a <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3ZsQWkJIpX/" target="_blank">nine-artist comic piece for Instagram</a>! It's really rewarding to see everyone's styles clash, working together without even knowing what our faces look like, this is the wonderment of our modern world! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>11 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>Second annual Pornhub Awards. I tried to find out more information but I ended up just masturbating furiously. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>This was a biggie: Ginger Baker was the drummer/a co-founder of Cream and if you actually listen to the guy's style, he is surely one of the most inventive drummers in rock history, probably my favourite. He was a super mad character too, just watch the docco about him called Beware of Mr. Baker, it's something. So sad then that he died today at age 80 after many years of health issues. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (40/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3eHhdhpR1J/" target="_blank">We all essentially want exactly the same thing: more. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Roundabout here, Instagram bugged out for all iPhone6 users, crashing when you tried to post anything. I was one of its many victims and, boy, was it frustrating! I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't the end of the world because it legit felt like it. It took over a week for them to sort it out too, #pain! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>13 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>After the onslaught of India, you would think the private space of Kuala Lumpur would be a godsend, but you'd only be half right.<br />If you've been paying attention, my reasoning for revisiting Malaysia for the second time in one year should be obvious. There was a girl here and I fell for her HARD, more than I even realised at the time. My mission was to impress her so I dropped a lot of money on the flight and even more money on a fancy room where we could lock ourselves away from the world and play marriage for a week. No such luck. A week before I arrived, she passed on the information that she had found someone else, and all my fantasies were promptly set on fire. We still hung out a lot and my feelings for her developed further as I paid for her every drink and completely bankrupted my budget in hopes that she would uproot the security of her relationship for me, Jared Woods, some Tinder guy who has nothing worth investing in, about to leave in a week. <br />In hindsight, that wasn't fair and I ended up driving her away, our friendship still damaged. But I was heartbroken! And I spent most of my days feeling sorry for myself in my fancy hotel, watching the rain smashing it down like some symbolic reflection of my inner turmoil. Oh, but I did see the Joker here! Film of the year surely!<br />Anyways, it doesn't matter, I eventually got over it and this helped: ON THE WAY TO TOKYO, BABY!!!! DREAM COME TRUE!! <br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3j3QYcp0GR/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Photoset <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B36wgy7pNmK/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>In what might be called "the best shit I've ever seen in my life," TikTok users start uploading videos under the self-explanatory title <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dancing-to-voicemails-from-my-ex" target="_blank">Dancing to Voicemails From My Ex</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Singer/actress Sulli may have only been a huge star in South Korea, but she was a REALLY huge star there as a member of girl group f(x) and her role in the film Real. She was the most Googled person in South Korea in 2017. Sadly, due to reported cyberbullying, she couldn't take the stress anymore and hung herself to death today at age 25. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=776R_QlheUk" target="_blank">Pick Up the Pastry</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (41/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3oYm-Bpovo/" target="_blank">People tell me to "never give up!" as if I haven’t already. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>My birthday, and the first time in my life that I was ever completely alone on this date. I actually had one of my best ones! I walked 24.6 km and really got to know the Japanese capital, visiting loads of places, nowhere I'd rather be. Furthermore, I also posted a long eloquent request for girls to please send me nudes for my special day and the response was epic! Thank you to everyone who got involved, it's the gift that will keep giving forever. So much love!!! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>Unchallenged as the most gruelling and substantial undertaking of my creative 2019 was to read the entire fucking Christain Bible and analyse it in great detail, ultimately writing a review then picking out all of the verses which seemed significant to me. It took all year, including many months where I followed a strict daily schedule towards getting it done, but finally, on this day, I released the blog article named <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">I Read The Bible So You Don't Have To</a>. As far as pure effort goes, this is probably the piece I will remember most fondly of the year. It took over my life! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Around one million people march in London, demanding a second Brexit referendum. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EuAqa22ZBI" target="_blank">Pencilmating Call</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKjZung2W3I" target="_blank">Law &amp; Disorder</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>39 dead Vietnamese people are found in a truck container in Essex, England. A 25-year-old Irish man was arrested. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (42/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B38-cIUpyqe/" target="_blank">The only thing better than getting woken up with a blow job is not getting woken up at all.</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Little sister arrives in Tokyo to join the fun. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>25 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (43/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4CH8l_pAgx/" target="_blank">I’m so good at arguing with you when you’re not around. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpwP1wYRXYM" target="_blank">Better Date Than Never</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Trump announces that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS, was killed during a U.S. special forces operation. He was 48. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>John Witherspoon was an actor best known for playing Ice Cube's dad in the Friday film series. I watched the first movie again recently and omf it's way funnier than I ever remembered, with this character stealing a large portion of the show. Unfortunately, he passed away today at age 77 from a heart attack. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6xhzpxD5Lg" target="_blank">Full Housemate</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Twitter says "fuck this" and bans all political advertising worldwide. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>31 Oct</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Literally, the main reason for going to Tokyo was a late-night party conversation I had two years ago with a girl I don't even know the name of. She informed me that Halloween in Tokyo is better than anywhere in the world and I was sold. Today, I found out firsthand that this is absolutely true. Outside Shibuya Station THOUSANDS of people in the most elaborate costumes flock together, taking photos of one another and just having a wild time without any alcohol. I was blown away even if it was overwhelming and impossibly claustrophobic. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4UzMXcJS1e/" target="_blank">Here are some photos to give you a tiny idea</a>. Best Halloween ever! Shit, you gotta do this! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>My Chemical Romance announce their reunion. On Halloween too. So gothy! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon crown"></td><td>For a long time while writing this article, I couldn't think of anyone worthwhile to be considered the King of 2019. But, eventually, Elon Musk stepped out with a noteworthy enough year to wear the crown just fine. This blog is criminally absent of his name but here are some highlights: he became the longest-tenured CEO of any car manufacturer this year; he unveiled the trippy all-electric battery-powered Tesla Cybertruck in November; he won the defamation case that Unsworth sought against him in December; he released a rap single in March called "RIP Harambe" under the name "Emo G Records" which has been streamed 2,000,000 times; and he's still reportedly fucking Grimes. But, more than anything, in this climate-changing climate of fear, it's his push towards environmentally sustainable products while also donating $1 million to planting trees on this very day. I feel good about my decision here. He's a weird dude, but I like him. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Around mid-October, an acquaintance I've had for over 10 years sent me a message. I sent her one back. And this conversational tennis continued, basically every hour of every day from that point until right now, the end of the year, still going. She's become a staple of my existence, someone I currently consider as the highest grade of human, and her words have kept me sane throughout the final parts of this decade. No matter what this is or what comes of it, I value it all so highly. Just a little bit of a crush, I swear. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> For the first time in many months, my October brain did the wobble thing and slipped into a brick wall. How this happened is an obvious series of events: India wore me down until I was a vulnerable little boy. Then my trip to KL ripped my heart out and amplified my loneliness, my person crumbling into an emotional wreck. Then Tokyo overwhelmed me and confused me and I was soooo done with this stupid travelling shit.<br />Thankfully, once I got into the Japanese swing of things, I shot right up, my October mental health actually coming off on a MAJOR high by the end, which is great! And, even though I stop-started-crashed a lot, I still worked my ass off, so fuck everything, I live on! </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Kw_4uzCKM5U/XgJEkEXK9LI/AAAAAAAAOmg/gnItmD0dxwMKydz0z6vKPQ4wSqhqIqsYgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_nov.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, November: South Africa smash the Rugby World Cup; Baby Yoda takes over the internet; Prince Andrew can't sweat; Instagram remove Like counts; I stab my hand; Slayer play final show" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>01 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Rage Against the Machine announces that they will be reuniting for the second time. Good! We need you now more than ever! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>02 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>So after 3 weeks in Tokyo, the time had come to pack my things and leave, taking a plane-machine back to Bangkok, my previously dubbed "<a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/06/worst-to-best-jarexit.html" target="_blank">Greatest Jarexit Stop Ever</a>" even if that's no longer the case.<br />It took a while to find my footing in the crazy Tokyo city (in hindsight, culture shock is probably the term for it) but I say without reservation that this cartoon world is by my far my favourite area that I've visited in the world. I love big cities and this one is on another level, so advanced in every aspect with such a respectful culture and the girls? I can't deal with that. I look back at these memories in utter awe, my happiness reached a level sideways of what I recognised, and I am certain that some slice of my future destiny lives in these parts. I have to go back out of a matter of urgency.<br />Obviously, nothing is great all of the time, and there were certain stains upon the experience. My little sister and my energy just couldn't seem to sync up and we ended locking horns over the smallest of things, so much so that I slammed on breaks and swerved my adventures away from the South African leap I had planned for December. I guess travelling with people is difficult when the people have such different perspectives on how to do it, but whatever will be will be.<br />Another downer was how much money I spent! Too much! I had already dropped the financial ball in Kuala Lumpur and now it I was fumbling worse and worse, never quite recovering before falling further down, chipping out a very little thing from my savings account. Uh oh!<br />Still, some things can't be priced and Tokyo was a lifelong dream of mine (and everyone) so I have no regerts. Best ever 100%.<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XdODBJN9n/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Excessive sets of photos <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4AOpjRp5-0/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4CkZyMp5dl/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4KhluVpztd/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PwcPyJZKG/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4SbY3-pznq/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4ScGfvJ1oA/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4UzMXcJS1e/" target="_blank">here (Halloween batch)</a>. Here's <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4E1oWUpFDk/" target="_blank">my Halloween costume</a> also. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon event"></td><td>Quite a strange alignment of events between my own life and the world today. In Tokyo (which I was just leaving) the2019 Rugby Union World Cup final was played between England (where I consider home) and South Africa (where I was born and raised for 2.5 decades). It felt like no matter what happened, I would win, but when South Africa took the prize, I was secretly very happy. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>America officially begin pulling out from the Paris agreement today. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>11,000 scientists publish a BioScience study which reads "planet Earth is facing a climate emergency". We know! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>As if an answer to the above, parts of India report new record levels of air pollution. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Instagram starts to hide Like counts as an experiment to curb depression from social media pressures, encouraging people to react based on content rather than some popularity competition. Shortly following this, Facebook rolled out the same thing as a test in Australia (while I was in Australia!). I can only imagine that this failed their expectations because (at least on my side) both have returned... for now... </td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>After developing a sudden obsession with Marianne Faithfull, I got my mom to send her autobiography to me for my birthday. I devoured it quickly and I really enjoyed it, she's definitely one of the coolest chicks in musical history. (3/5) <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3026697484" target="_blank">Read my full review on Goodreads here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Robert Freeman is famous for his work with The Beatles, most notably their album covers With the Beatles, Beatles for Sale, Help!, and Rubber Soul. He died today at age 82 from pneumonia. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (44/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4mc12RpZ8j/" target="_blank">Of course I’m being dramatic. I am a writer. It is literally my job. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>Riding high from Tokyo and ready to repeat the glorious adventure that was Bangkok in March, I hit the ground running and proceeded to drink my ass off for three days straight. My hostel was right next to Khaosan Road which meant I'd walk out of the house and <b>BANG!</b> I was at the party. That's where the trouble started. I nearly died on the back of a scooter slipping around the tar during a thunderstorm and later filling a plastic packet with vomit in the back of a Grab taxi. I played pool with a hooker and she stole cash from my wallet. Money problems dug even deeper and then my phone's wifi antenna suddenly broke and I fell down.<br />The depression smashed me hard in the face here. Really bad. I didn't leave my room for many days. I worked from my bed. But even though I felt like my soul had been sucked out of my ass through a straw, I was able to keep a rational head about it. I knew it would pass and I just needed to ride it out. Reflecting on the last few months, I had my foot flat on the accelerator. Dubai to New Delhi to KL to Tokyo to Bangkok is an overload, it's insane that I managed to keep my engines running for as long as I did. But that died here and I no longer feel like Bangkok is a good place for me. I made eye contact with the devil. I was looking at me.<br />Thank Goodness I was off to the Gold Coast for the second time of the year! Oh please save me gods of the sun and the ocean! <br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4pKejapEf3/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Other photos <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4nTAIEJ2oi/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>After Disney+ premiered the first episode of The Mandalorian, fucking Baby Yodas spread across the internet like herpes. It's only just begun too. They are still growing in numbers. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2iHwV07prE" target="_blank">Jokémon</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (45/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4wmwxjJpdq/" target="_blank">I talk to myself a lot because I'm fucking hilarious. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Italy declares Venice in a state of emergency because it's fucking flooded, man! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Talk about car crash TV, Prince Andrew was interviewed on Newsnight where he candidly chatted about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. He denied that he had sex with Virginia Roberts, an underage girl who stated otherwise. He "proved" her accusation were fake because she said he was sweating whereas he was unable to sweat due to an "adrenaline overdose" during the Falklands War. Basically, everyone was like wtf Andrew and, even if he didn't fuck little girls, we now all reckoned he did because he seems like a fucking freakshow. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZo60YAHeLE" target="_blank">In Lifeguard We Trust</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>19 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>Google launch Stadia, a cloud video gaming service. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (46/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5CnvV4hx1L/" target="_blank">Every lesbian porno passes the Bechdel test. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>20 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5FOuLPhMkL/" target="_blank">400th #legobiscuit</a> right here! I love them! I love you! I LOVE ME! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Douglas Lubahn is on this list due to his work with The Doors, playing bass on their albums Strange Days, Waiting For The Sun and (some of) The Soft Parade. He was 71 today when he died. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Always playing with my emotions, the Oxford Dictionaries' 2019 word of the year is <i>"Climate emergency"</i>. But... that's two words? Is nothing sacred anymore??? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli Prime Minister, is indicted for reasons bribery, fraud and breach of trust. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>As soon as I hit the Gold Coast, my body knew it was safe and finally crumpled into a deep overdue sickness. It sucked, but it was obviously necessary as I slowly regained my strength thanks to the love and friendship from Ash and Kez and Little Ash and Al and Rebekah and Luci and Emily and various other smiley faces who I am honoured to call my mates.<br />The alcohol was a little excessive, but otherwise, I consider this trip to be one of pure health. The abundance of (the often-lacking) social juice was one part of it, but the sun played a role as did the therapy one can only find along endless stretches of beaches and beaches and beaches. I touched exotic animals, I partied for my bother Ash's 40th, and I realised that I was happier here than perhaps I'd ever been. There were times I'd turn and look at Little Ash and he'd look at me and we both just shook our heads. This was fucking it, mate. I miss it so bad. It's a paradise in those parts.<br />Anyways, I left rejuvenated AS FUCK, I could not have felt any more powerful, Jarexit full of beans and off to Barcelona, Spain. Woohoo!<br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5NCyACh0ku/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5L18D1h2I4/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>A non-binding referendum in Bougainville voted overwhelmingly for independence from Papua New Guinea. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Barbara Hillary! First known black woman to reach the North Pole! She was 75! At 79 she reached the South Pole too! First known black woman to do that! First known black woman to reach both poles! Today she dies! 88! Long problems with cancer! Cancer sucks! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon award"></td><td>47th Annual American Music Awards. Post Malone was nominated for 7. Taylor Swift won 6. Could have guessed this probably. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>On my quest for a better understanding of spirituality, I was lucky that my friend Didi had previously passed me a book called The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success by Deepak Chopra. It took me a while to get round to it, but today I finished it and I got a lot of joy from it, taking extensive notes and using it to develop a strategy next time I felt spiritual deficient. (3/5) <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2972201475" target="_blank">Read my extensive thought on the book via Goodreads here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>26 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>2019 deadliest earthquake took the reigns today in Albania, a 6.4er which killed 51 people and injured around 2,000 others. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>In a move to smooth out the Billboard playing field (and I wholeheartedly support this), the powers that be changed the rules for bundling merchandise with album sales. So many artists were selling shirts or concert tickets with a download of their album included and this was shooting their "album sales" through the roof. To counter this, a new policy was instated where "all the items in the bundle must also be available for purchase concurrently and individually on the same website" plus "the merchandise item sold on its own will have to be priced lower than the bundle which includes both the merchandise and the album". Albums sold with tickets need to be intentionally redeemed to count towards sakes too, effective January 3, 2020. Makes total sense! Fuck the cheaters! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon gig"></td><td>Of my very few complaints when it comes to permanent travel, one of the worst is that I hardly ever get to see any gigs even if I check the listings of every single town I visit. Hence why I was so thrilled when I arrive in Barcelona around the same time as Kate Tempest, an artist I am no short of IN LOVE with, despite never seeing her live before tonight. And, goddamn, what a show. The surrounding Spanish people loved it, but as she speaks from the broken heart of Britain, I feel like I connected on a much more painful level. I feel no shame to admit that I wept on that floor. It was incredible. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5XQxacBy4k/" target="_blank">Full review on Instagram</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>27 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (47/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Xt8Leh9lc/" target="_blank">Everything that happens to you can be amazing. It just depends on how well you tell the story.</a></td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Somewhere around here, I surpassed 1,000 <a href="https://www.instagram.com/legotrip/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> followers. It's happening, I think! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>28 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>One of the final worthwhile webby things of the decade was <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/are-you-in-the-right-headspace" target="_blank">Are You In The Right Headspace?</a> kinda poking fun at the safe space climate we find ourselves in or at least that's how I laugh at it. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>The Book of Law by Aleister Crowley arrived in the mail (after ordering it twice before, yet never receiving it, bad omen?). This will be 2020's religious text analysed by me. For some reason, Instagram were most excited about that, blessing over <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5aoKIpBCjC/" target="_blank">100 Likes</a> for the announcement. Weird people. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>29 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>After having the best day ever in Barcelona, I attempted to separate two frozen vegan burgers and plunged a knife deep into my palm, obviously damaging a nerve as my ring finger went completely numb. I ran around to a couple of hospitals but the quotes and waiting time was insane, so I decided to just <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5e4R5uBca7/" target="_blank">moan on social media</a> and see what happens.<br />It took days for the wound to close but after a few weeks, the feeling began to return to my finger and, as I type this, it's about 90% there. At least it's my left hand and my ring finger, don't really use it much. But still, this marked a turning point for Barcelona. I no longer felt invincible, I was worried and scared that I'd fucked up majorly and I couldn't quite regain my happiness levels, this leg of the trip slowly spiralling back down to where I was before Gold Coast. Damnit! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>But my stabbing was nothing compared to that asshole on London Bridge today who attacked five people with a knife, killing two. The cops then shot him dead. Naturally, ISIS said they did it. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Irving Burgie never got the respect he deserved as he penned 34 songs for Harry Belafonte, eight of which were on Belafonte's album Calypso (the first record to sell a million copies EVER), not to mention Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)? He wrote that too. He died today at age 95 from heart failure. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (48/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5cz4y3h2FC/" target="_blank">I don’t know who needs to hear this, so I won’t say it. </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>30 Nov</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Villa Unión, Coahuila, Mexico: Two innocents, four police officers and 16 drug dealers are killed in a shootout. It's the biggest such incident in the country's history. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Slayer play their final show ever at the Forum, California. Quite relieved I saw them a couple of years ago! Wait, I'm still sad :( </td></tr></table><br /> <b>Misc.</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon mentalhealth"></td><td><b>Mental Health Checkup:</b> Up... and down and up... and down and...<br />Everything has already been documented above, I'm basically repeating myself and I'm really unsure what the purpose of these bits are but anyway, here's what I said in a nutshell:<br />Bangkok was a 2019 lowlight crash, I spent days in bed incapacitated and feeling oh-so sorry for myself. I arrived in Gold Coast and was really sick which didn't exactly spice up my life, but I slowly healed and then grew 10 feet taller and felt probably better than any point of the year. <br />There was also quite a push for spirituality this month again, which had a hugely beneficial effect, assisting me to hit Barcelona from an elevated point of holiness. Then I stabbed my hand and I began to fall back down near the end of the month and everything sucked again.<br />Wait, it's the sun! Although, I swear it's also got something to with drinking? Drinking makes me feel so bad now! </td></tr></table><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s2DUsFdPyUM/XgJFVetf9uI/AAAAAAAAOmo/5zbpRzPvcQUSqrgHa5vl7v--HZjlIvKjACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Dec24_Dear2019_dec.jpg" alt="Dear 2019, December: Trump is impeached; Boris Johnson wins election by a landslide; YouTube Rewind featured Pencilmation; Tekashi 6ix9ine tells on everyone and still goes to jail; Marie Fredriksson of Roxette passes; I release my book The 250 Best Albums of the Decade" style="width:600px" /></span></div><br /> <b>03 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhAINaz5x9A" target="_blank">Less is Moral</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (49/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5nHxLLB3U4/" target="_blank">All of my ex-girlfriends claimed that my workaholism was ruining our relationship. To which I always replied: what the fuck did I say about talking to me when I’m on my computer?? </a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>04 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>I would have put money on Jay-Z being the last artist in the world to add his catalogue to Spotify because, you know, he owns a directly competing company. But not so, as today, on his birthday, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/3nFkdlSjzX9mRTtwJOzDYB?si=sPaz6Ky9TsaBoFcoAEU60w" target="_blank">there he was</a>. Right! So who's left? Joanna Newsom? </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>For the first time in my life, a #legobiscuit got banned from Instagram. I'm taking this as a good thing? Such a shame though, it was a goodie, Sam even said it as my best. <a href="https://twitter.com/LegoTrip/status/1202223363856441349" target="_blank">It's still on Twitter</a>, if you're keeno. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>05 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon internet"></td><td>So erm this is kind of a big deal. YouTube release their annual <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lAe1cqCOXo" target="_blank">Rewind</a> video for 2019 and Pencilmation was featured! We were recognised as the third most viewed creator channel of the year, with 2.8 billion clicks under our name. I can't express how high I felt seeing this, it's mindblowing everything that happened professionally this year and this was a massive cherry of validation, one the whole internet could see. Even <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j091EzG2b8s&start=414" target="_blank">PewDiePie registered our existence</a>, I can't breathe. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>07 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKr56QpdvQI" target="_blank">Newborn this Way</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon money"></td><td>Won the lotto! £5.7! Woohoo! This brings my grand total lottery wins of 2019 to £23.20, almost the cost of two months playing! But we do it for the HOPE! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>08 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>One year homeless today! I wrote a long speech on the matter <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5zmZh6BbC8/" target="_blank">over here</a>. Of course I did! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>The only reason I know of rapper Juice World is because he'd come up whenever I'd google my blog. Apparently he was bigger than I thought as many people mourned his easily-avoided death today. Reportedly, the dude was on a plane about to be searched for drugs, so he swallowed a bunch of his Percocet pills to hide them. He then went into a seizure and died at age 21. Not a good way to go. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Known for playing Big Bird plus Oscar the Grouch in Sesame Street (1969 inception until 2018), puppeteer Caroll Spinney died today at age 85. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>09 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon death"></td><td>Marie Fredriksson changed my life as the singer for Roxette, proven by <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2013/04/25-albums-that-changed-my-life.html" target="_blank">#4 of this blog I wrote in 2013</a>. After fighting a brain tumour for 17 years, she died today at age 61. Quite a sad one this here. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>10 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV0fosL2QRI" target="_blank">Live and Let High-Five</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon twitter"></td><td>#Top50LegoBiscuitsOf2019 (50/50): <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B54_3yQBx-N/" target="_blank">I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s the cocaine but it’s definitely me, I am the fucking greatest!</a></td></tr></table><br /> <b>12 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>The 2019 United Kingdom general election. Everywhere I looked, there was nothing but a hopeful buzz. Maybe Labour could really edge their way in this time? Maybe we could stop Brexit and save the NHS?? But, no, somehow racist Boris Johnson smashed it, winning 43.6% of the vote while Corbyn lost his party 60 seats. And, with that, I officially turn my back on politics. This is the death blow to the country our love. We fought hard but we were defeated and there is nothing we can do. Britain will sink and I will pay it no attention until I ultimately drown myself. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>14 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>After three weeks of Barcelona trapped in a room with 6 - 8 snoring individuals and a gaping wound in my hand, I was ready to leave. I felt horrid for reasons I can't fathom (because Barcelona is amazing!) and when I attempted to drink them away, I only felt way worse. What was happening to me!? Am I dying?????<br />Still, in life, we can always opt to remember the good times and Barcelona has many (which I did appreciate, especially near the beginning). Strangely, my favourite feature was the architecture by Antonio Gaudí. It's all over the place and it's so incredibly specific in its style that I fell in love with it and hold it dear to my experience.<br />I've been to Barcelona four times now and, as a result, it is a special place to me, almost like a home away from my home away from home. Hence why I'm careful to ensure you understand that it's not the city, it's me. My emo switch flipped AGAIN and I blame only myself. Because Barcelona offered me a lot. And I took it, exploring the area in a way I never had before, without spending any money, which was the true winner here. <br /><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6GL1cRhW1X/" target="_blank">Read the Instagram summary here</a>.<br />Photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5gFesyBu9Z/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5iwYC3hmAX/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B50faVfhNDl/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6BLz-FBLbK/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>SO ANYWAY, I left for Madrid today but took a little detour to visit the smaller city of Zaragoza and the even smaller town of Borja. It was a lovely little sidestep and it filled me with a joy I hadn't felt in a couple of weeks. In particular because... I got to see...<i> the Ecce Homo aka the Ecce Mono aka Potato Jesus at the Sanctuary of Mercy!!!</i> Such a long mission for such a little funny thing, but I was in hysterics to the whole way there and back. What a lovely life we live in. Some photos of that adventure <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6DUDIChmaQ/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6LihH2BG_E/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon pencilmation"></td><td>Pencilmation Script: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvuP37WVG3c" target="_blank">At My Zits End</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>15 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td>Josh Klinghoffer leaves Red Hot Chili Peppers only to be replaced by... John Frusciante!! This will be the third time Frusciante has come in to serve as the guitarist, and if the last times are anything to go by, Chili's are about to make another massive classic comeback album! APPROVED! </td></tr></table><br /> <b>16 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Pope Francis fights paedophilia by removing pontifical secrecy from sex abuse cases and raises the definition of "child pornography" to 18 years old (it was 14). I've said it once and I'll say it again, he's a decent catholic if there ever was one (and there are probably one or two). </td></tr></table><br /> <b>18 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>Big day for me! After 10 years of work, I finally mustered all of my musical knowledge and spewed forth a full book titled <a href="http://jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums" target="_blank">The 250 Best Albums of the Decade</a>. I released it as a free download with the option to donate as an experiment. What value do people put on this type of work? As it turns out, just the right amount because I hit my target goal! Thanks to everyone who helped out! Muchly deeply woohoo! I really reflect with so much pride on the whole business. It's my second book. It's there forever. No one can take that away from my name. <a href="http://jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums" target="_blank">DOWNLOAD IT FUCKING NOW</a>! It's rad! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon fpp"></td><td>Fellow Funpowder Plotter, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6WUodwH5C6/" target="_blank">The Freewheelin' Troubadour</a>, finishes off his mini-tour where he opened for The Libertines, busting poetry for the masses. Fucking epic, I'm jealous but also well proud of the guy, he's totally deserving of the audience. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon news"></td><td>Donald Trump becomes the third president to be impeached in the nation's history. Probably nothing will come of it but it's the first bit of decent political news we've had in the last four years. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon music"></td><td> held off writing about this all year (even though there was plenty of news items along the way) but, basically, last year November Tekashi 6ix9ine was arrested for conspiracy to murder and other criminal stuff. On February the 1st 2019, he pleaded guilty and proceeded to testify against everyone and anyone to help lower his sentence, earning the immediate reputation as a snitch with <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/6ix9ine-snitch" target="_blank">plenty of memes</a> Due to this cooperation, the life in prison he was facing was reduced to two years, sentenced today. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>21 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon disaster"></td><td>Since August (and even when I was there), major bushfires smashed through Australia. It was the only thing on the news and you could see it in the air. They continue on today, with 3,000,000 hectares burnt up, 700+ houses destroyed and nine people dead. It's been declared a state of emergency. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>22 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon film"></td><td>After the Cats film was released about a week earlier and promptly torn to shreds by critics, Universal urged cinemas to download a new version of the film with updated effects, replacing the old one, changing the movie when it's already out. This has never been done before, it's actually a pretty awesome move. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>23 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon book"></td><td>As part of my plan to kill Jared with work, I forced myself to finish reading the book Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion by Alan Flusser, then I wrote a long review about it. I was hoping for some fashion tips and got very little. (2/5) <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3022312094" target="_blank">Read said review on Goodreads here</a>. </td></tr><tr><td class="icon personal"></td><td>Just slapping this in here: after I dug a massive hole into my savings account to fund my Asia adventures, I formulated a desperate plan to sort that out by the end of December. The goal was to scrape together £800 which still wouldn't eradicate the damage, but would turn the wound into a dent. My approach was simple: spend much less from my December paycheck, pray that people bought my book, hope for some sort of a Xmas bonus, and consider getting a side freelance job if needs be. I even got offered a new job to write a sex column for 40+ year old men, but I turned that down. In the end I scraped together £731.19 after tax, which was a little short, but do you think I feel like a failiure? Hell no! Imagine I achieved this every month?? I'd be rich! I just gotta work out how to write 12 books a year, and I'll be golden. </td></tr></table><br /> <b>24 Dec</b><br /><table><tr><td class="icon writing"></td><td>And here is this very blog article! Thanks for being a part of it! </td></tr><tr><td class="icon trip"></td><td>But before we conclude my lengthy endurance test, I would like to take a moment and pay my respects to Madrid, otherwise, how unfair?<br />Thankfully, this change of Spanish scenery did me a lot of good. I left my stabbed hand trauma in Barcelona and I ran around this city in awe of how vibey it is. I know it isn't fair to pick favourites, but speaking from this honeymoon period, Madrid actually impressed me more than Barcelona. Don't tell anyone!<br />It's good to round things off on a high and (even though I have a sharp pain shooting down from my neck to my shoulder blade from the EXCESSIVE computer time it took to get all my end of year shit done), I am in a good place, thanks for asking. Consider that my official December Mental Health Checkup statement.<br />I'm launching this blog early this year because tomorrow I fly to Peru! Cheap flights on Xmas day! No more work from this point! Hooray, I nearly died! Keep an eye on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/legotrip/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> for the Madrid summary and a Merry Xmas/Happy New Years to you all! Oh, and my deepest apologies to any celebs who die before the 31st and aren't recorded. You deserve better!<br />Check out some photo highlights <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6brSuehmBM/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6bsjSqh1tP/" target="_blank">here</a>. </td></tr></table><br /> And that's that! 2019, hey. Look at you, look at you.<br /><br /> So yeah, what can I say other than what's already been said? Best year of my life ever, even if my happy-sacks occasionally had their own agendas. Brains, eh? Can't live without 'em. Regardless, I'm a furiously jealous person and I'd be sick to my stomach if anyone else was living the life I am living. I'd struggle to accept that someone was writing cartoons for money and visiting new countries on a monthly basis. Thank God I don't have to worry about that. Because, somehow, this is my life. I worked very hard to get here but damn, wtf. So grateful.<br /><br /> And even on the internal world topic, I've developed a system now installed within my mind. I work on my mental health every single day and I've made some seriously important discoveries. Sellable discoveries. Discoveries that can become a product. Perhaps I've illustrated this accurately enough. I've researched spirituality and I've turned my life into something hugely impressive. When you couple this with the maintenance method I've designed to keep the smiles above water, then you may begin to understand the core principles behind the religion I am developing. I've been chatting about it for years, but in 2019, it has come together as a cohesive singular piece of thought. It will still take a few more years to nurture into the full philosophical and ritualistic practice it deserves to be, but it has begun. If this isn't the biggest thing I am remembered for, then God's sense of humour runs deeper than I anticipated. As a reward for those who have read this far, then you're hearing this here before anyone: my religion shall be known as Panthojoyism.<br /><br /> Reflecting over my past articles from the same vein, it's surprising at how lost I came across. So many unfulfilled years grinding myself against jobs I hated. So many years mourning the loss of certain lovers who couldn't even slot into my life now if they tried because they'd get eaten up and spat out so fast it'd be embarrassing for them. I've always been honest about my shortcomings and 2019 is rife with them, anyone can see that. But my focus and my mission is orange juice concentrate right now, it's never had such purpose and momentum. I've become a machine of creative production which exists on an ever-moving plane, crossing the globe whilst shitting out projects, no longer concerned about the opinions of others, free. The element of romantic loneliness needs some essential oils, sure, but considering the speed of the ride, it's going to take a very special female to have the tools required to hang on to this, and so I'm just going to have to patiently wait for that to manifest. For now, I meet enough people anyway. I met more people this year than any other year of my life. Some of them were really cool too.<br /><br /> Just quickly, I must give a flash-glance towards the decade as a whole and say... omfg. That was legit insane. I was an egg 10 years ago! I had just moved to London! Look at me now! I feel like I'm made out of high-fibre bran flakes. Moving fast. Very strong. How did this happen? Where the fuck am I even going?? The next 10 years are going to be... hahahaha.<br /><br /> Ok, so for my own records and for some sexy flexing, here is that same boasty bit I do every year. Sorry about this! But when it comes to Jared + 2019, here is what was achieved...<br /><br /> I wrote 112 scripts for Pencilmation episodes this year (according to <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm9677532/" target="_blank">my IMDB</a> profile anyway). It's hard to know exact numbers, but it's beyond fair to estimate that my work for this company was viewed over a billion times. Probably closer to 2 billion if we're being honest. The third highest viewed creators channel on YouTube, eh. This is my job. This is what I get paid for. Writing a kid's cartoon show. A dream of mine came true and then grew even bigger. Fucking wow, man. I glow energy.<br /><br /> Along with these, I wrote some other scrips and articles here and there. This includes 8 Juice Nothing articles. Dear 2019, is one of them. An entire analysis of <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">the Bible</a> was another. Sadly, I usually write a lot more personal stuff, but as I flourished as a professional writer, that creative itch was scratched and I used my artistic energy on other endeavours.<br /><br /> For example, how about an entire book I wrote called <a href="http://www.jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums/" target="_blank">The 250 Best Albums of the Decade</a>. It's my second book ever and I'm super proud of it. 10 years in the making, a lot of knowledge came to a summit here, that's a real achievement. Furthermore, I actually finished writing a third book (Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Ex in 30 Days) during 2019 too, and while the publishing side of that got a bit tangled and tripped up, it's still here. It's still coming.<br /><br /> Another huge 2019 project was my film/web series/fictional travel vlog, <a href="http://juicenothing.com/help" target="_blank">Definitely Not a Cry for Help</a>. Five chapters came out this year, making it six in total, meaning we're halfway. I can't wait to tick off "Made a Film" from my to-do list.<br /><br /> I guess now would be a decent point to look at what dominated my 2019. Travel. I visited 24 cities in 16 countries in 4 continents. 8 of those counties I'd never been to before (Hungary, Italy, Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, Romania, United Arab Emirates, and Japan). Multiple countries I visited more than once. This breaks any previous records quite effortlessly, and it's not even done yet. My ticket to Peru is booked, I leave tomorrow. That makes it 9 countries I've never been to. 17 countries in total. 5 fucking continents in one year.<br /><br /> Of course, when you're forever unpacking and packing and learning how to say hello in different languages and converting currencies and crying in supermarkets because you don't know what you're buying... well, a lot of time is accounted for. It was inevitable that much of my output would suffer as a result and it did. But not as bad as anyone would have guessed. Here are some small dips worth noting:<br /><br /> Music and paintings are very difficult art forms to express while you're travelling with luggage weight limits, but during a visit to London, my band and I (<a href="http://sectlinefor.com/" target="_blank">Sectlinefor</a>) did play a gig! Plus #legobiscuits continue hard and strong via <a href="https://www.instagram.com/legotrip/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, with 215 of these little guys coming out over the last 12 months. Speaking of which, I also opened a <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/legotrip" target="_blank">Red Bubble shirt store</a> based on my #legoloaves (which are #legobiscuits except full Photoshop versions). Soooo my art remained stable despite the obvious obstacles.<br /><br /> I only saw six artists live, which is way less than usual, but once again, the travel factor excuses that well, I thought. Gives me something beatable for next year, I guess.<br /><br /> According to Strava, I accumulated 57 runs over 50 hours, covering 391.6km in 2019. Sounds like a lot but it was actually 122km less than last year. Although I must repeat, all of those runs took place in completely different countries. I was very busy but I made time. Numbers that high are not something to be bothered by. And, even crazier than anything, self-administered toxins were probably the lowest they've been since I was 15. Drugs were hardly on the menu. Alcohol has never been cut down so hard. And I didn't smoke a single cigarette this year. Not one.<br /><br /> My goal was to read one book this year. It was a joke goal. I came out the other side having read eight. One of those was <a href="http://www.jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums/" target="_blank">written by me</a>, granted, but another one was written by GOD, apparently (<a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-read-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">the Bible</a>). I usually try to read 12 but we are adjusting. Let's see what next year does.<br /><br /> But more importantly than all of this, is that I finally woke up and decided to stop spending so much energy on making art that nobody looks at and rather dedicate half of that energy to forcing people to look at the art. It was a huge epiphany. Let's chase fame itself rather than hoping the work would bring the fame home to me. And while we're still in the baby stages of working this all out, I foresee a very interesting year coming up in this regard. My Instagram followers are already indicating that something is bubbling.<br /><br /> And I guess even more important than this, is that I obeyed the first rule of Jared Club. I didn't kill myself. It's so fucked that I can't shake that nagging voice, but it's still there, still daring me. I avoid talking about it too much because no one likes a downer, but in regards to 2019, it's good we survived. Because, mark my words, when all is said in done, it won't be plastic that kills me.<br /><br /> What a bright and sparky way to end, haha! Let's quickly save it with an explosion of positivity: 2019 WAS THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE, HAND'S DOWN. I ALREADY SAID THAT EARLIER BUT I SAID IT AGAIN AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN STILL: 2019 WAS THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE, HAND'S DOWN. I did not know such a glorious existence was possible and, what's more, I think I'm only now getting the hang of it now. One can never predict the future, but my 2020 plans are so unreasonable that they make 2019 look like 2003. Some massive secret projects are already marching forward, just waiting to be released. Many plane tickets have already been planned quite far down the line. It's going to be a challenge, but maybe... maybe 2020 will be just as good as 2019? Or even better? Surely not. Right? :)<br /><br /> Regardless, 2019, you stand on top of the podium. Of all my 35 years, you've won. How does that feel? Do years feel anything at all? Do you even know who I am? Hey, whatever, buddy! I bow down and I thank you. Your time is coming to an end, but your influence was as potent as any and our personal relationship will be treasured by me forever. Full marks! Five stars! Two thumbs up! Heart emoji! Crown of candy! Jetpack of pleasure! Jug full of encouraging adjectives! End of letter!<br /><br /> Yours sincerely, lovingly, grateful,<br />Jared Woods<br /><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-44673612609160182019-12-19T06:25:00.000+00:002019-12-19T06:25:27.935+00:00The 250 Best Albums of the Decade (2010 - 2019)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LgKOtI7gnV4/XfsVVWYLorI/AAAAAAAAOj8/VSa7cfCF1l4mA42gpQnd61Moe2TVebm3ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/blogimage.png" alt="The 250 Best Albums of the Decade (2010 - 2019)" /></span></div> <br /> <span style="font-size:140%">After listening to well over 4,000 albums from 2010 until 2019 while compiling a top 50 for each year, Jared Woods has become the educated voice that you can trust. Go ahead and read his book. Study his words. Steal his best suggestions. And, before you know it, you too can sound like a high authority on this decade of music. Your friends will be so impressed.</span><br /><br /> Old people like to say that music isn’t what it used to be, which may or may not be true. However, it is the abundance of modern material which can often create the daunting shell which prevents listeners from doing the necessary digging. Is this you? Never fear! For there are those of us who are willing to put in the necessary effort which you are not. We are the chosen ones. And allow us gleefully inform you that, yes, this was yet another fantastic decade of music. And by “us”, I mean “me”, obviously.<br /><br /> Humans can never predict how a decade will fair in the greater scheme of the musical history books. All it takes is one sleeper hit to utterly redefine the set period, overlooked in its time yet massively influential in hindsight, realigning the shape of all things to come. Such hypothetical gemstones remain out of our reach for now, but this does not mean that we are unable to observe some of the landscape’s bigger pictures. We are still capable of pinpointing specific albums and stylistic evolutions which sprouted higher than the weeds, and we can nod in their general direction with a certain approval, saying hello to those plants which shall surely be remembered for a long time after we are gone. Or not, whatever, I dunno.<br /><br /> From my perspective, the most interesting observation I made this decade was where the majority of genres appeared to split down the middle, making progressions in two very contradictory directions: the dumbed-down superficial incarnations vs. the more mature weigh-ins with far heftier substance to boast, verifying our human nature of perpetually venturing towards the extremes whichever way that may be. Perhaps these movements were a long time developing, but never before have we heard such a formulated lack of intelligence coming from our television sets while there was always a counter line running away from these ideals, incorporating artistic flairs and prefixing their various labels with words such as “contemporary” or “alternative” or “experimental” to further the distance. <br /><br /> Hip hop was a key player in this ethos, offering a myriad of hybrid genre-bendings to cater to the art students while the traps and the mumbles offered the more casual listeners something to mindlessly dribble over. R&B was another impressive focal point of the decade, standing as perhaps the greatest example of where more creative (oft-soulful) expressions could gently brush fingertips with the commercial world. Various teen pop stars made the mid-decade transition into more sophisticated and/or abrasive regions while EDM only banged harder and IDM outsmarted itself until nobody could understand it anymore. Meanwhile, the oversized umbrella term of rock was about as immovable as the name would suggest, with perhaps a little additional spice sprinkled upon the resurgence of post-punk and the refining of the already well-defined blackgaze genre.<br /><br /> But these are hardly fresh entries, right? Rather, they were steps along pathways set in motions long before 2010 even rolled about. Is there anything about this decade which stands truly unique? Grime’s evolution, perhaps? Vaporwave came and went pretty quick. Hey, remember when Dubstep conquered the world for a short period back there? No, I think what made this decade truly stand out was its drive for survival. This can be applied in terms of the now completely transformed industry models where record labels were becoming less imperative and the streaming platform were impacting finances, forcing artists to become smarter about their marketing ploys. But playing for even higher survival stakes, was our current political climate which affected the world as a whole, our art quick to follow. The voices of the audio medium shouted to be heard with plenty of Black Lives Matter themed records coming to the forefront while the female gender finally rose (or, perhaps, were finally granted the space to rise) as a driving force behind some of the year’s biggest projects. And yet, the most unprecedented offering from the 2010s’ cultural environment was the surge of LGBT (emphasis on transgender) electronics, most notably the very specific industrial vein for some reason. Honestly, if there was any genre-branch that could have only existed in the last 10 years, this would be the one that blasted the loudest.<br /><br /> With that in mind, the 250 entries that you are about to witness are what I consider to be the most exciting highlights that one can use to map out what made this decade so distinguishable. These albums were chosen not only in terms of personal opinion, critical acclaim, public reaction, charting ability, general talent, and uniqueness, but above all else, for how long they stuck in my mind after the record had stopped spinning. Because what else really matters? Nothing matters. You will be dead soon.<br /><br /> <div style="font-weight:bold; font-size:140%; text-align:center; width:100%">This is the official Best of the Decade list.<br />Every other list is fake and wrong.</div><br /><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.jaredwoodssavedmylife.com/250albums/" target="_blank" imageanchor="1" style="border:0"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r2nJuYEqZVE/XfsW0vUweOI/AAAAAAAAOkI/kdqZY2lxDEcZru1BcLO48sW_F0fW1OOfwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/clickbookblog.jpg" style="width:100%; border:0" /></a></div> <br /><br /><br />Jared Woodshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15835526705518223946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5047474360753591928.post-86671579854918377222019-10-18T19:09:00.000+01:002020-06-03T19:10:44.717+01:00I Read The Bible So You Don't Have To<style>.quote { padding: 5px; background-color: #deecf1; color: #000; text-align: left; font-style: italic; } h3 { border: 5px solid #000; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding: 2em 1em; font-size:180%; text-align: center; } .theparts { width:100%; text-align: center; font-size:160%; font-weight: bold; background-color:#deecf1; color: #000; padding: 1em 0; line-height: 1.5em; } </style><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 0em; margin-right: 0em;"><img alt="I Read The Bible So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e58KApdqojs/XamXiwLdPqI/AAAAAAAAOdc/HYmCwEJAzCUh2eNygK967jNE_DQShdNwACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/19Oct18-I-Read-the-Bible.jpg" /></span></div> <br /> <i><b>PLEASE NOTE:</b> I nearly had a panic attack when the shopkeeper at the Roman bookstore asked me which version of the Bible I wanted to purchase. Wait, what do you mean which version do I want to purchase? I want to purchase the correct one! Turns out there is no such general agreement, but the closest you can get is probably the King James. It’s pretty much grown as the industry standard due to its user-friendly formatting and Oxford-standard translation which doesn’t risk any of the drama. No surprises then that this is the most widely printed version of the best-selling book in history, and what's more, it is in the public domain, allowing you to access the full text, for free, online, right now, <a href="https://kingjamesbibleonline.org" target="_blank">right here</a>. </i><br /><br /> When I was roughly 20 years young, I knew everything. I recall once sitting in the backseat of a car somewhere and my intoxicated horns were locked against a Christian’s halo. I was neck-deep in my proud atheist phase at that point and I was behaving as most atheists do, by using science and logic to swiftly undermine every single word this poor adversary served to me. Because that’s how any atheism vs religion debate goes, right? The worshiper confidently explains how immeasurably fulfilled his life has become since accepting Christ into his heart, and then I would laugh in his face as I demand evidence for such absurd statements. In a fluster, he would explain that it simply didn’t work that way, what he had was a faith, which in turn would only pour petrol upon my fires of condescending mockery. If you can’t prove it, then it doesn’t exist! Of course, I couldn’t disprove it either, but that was beside the point. Show me this imaginary friend you call God or you’re a delusional sheep even if you do seem much happier than me! Eventually, this kid gave up but, before he left, he did offer one final verbal gift to me and I never forgot it. He said, “Jared, whether the Bible is fictional or fact, there is no denying that whoever wrote it was a genius beyond any that came before us or any who have come since”. And I found myself stuck. I couldn’t argue against that. Because I had not read it.<br /><br /> Nor did I have any intention to. Bible, lol, what a waste of time. Although, oops, not so fast! Let's skip to over a decade later, when my atheism had softened and my humble agnosticism reigned supreme, allowing me to observe the spirituality of others without feeling the compulsion to vomit my views towards them. And from this open passive place, a slow-burning fascination towards all holy scripture began to vibrate then bubble then froth until it spilt over into my life as an all-encompassing (and painfully time-consuming) obsession. In 2015, I read the <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2016/06/i-read-quran-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">Quran</a> just to arm myself with the necessary weaponry to shut Islamaphobes down, and I became hooked on the sense of importance that these books radiated into my mind as a deeper understanding for different people and their diverse root faiths. And what is more valuable than understanding? Right then I made a promise to complete one official religious book per year, and I am yet to let anyone down. Least of all me. Least of all <i>GOD</i>. <br /><br /> In 2016, I read the <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2017/03/i-read-satanic-bible-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">Satanic Bible</a>, and in 2017, I read <a href="https://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2018/09/i-read-dianetics-scientology-book-one.html" target="_blank">Dianetics</a> (the first of the Scientology books). These three were specifically chosen as dots on a path of controversial doctrinal literature. I was intentionally pursuing misunderstood faiths, each one a little more questionable than the previous until I felt like I may have hit the bottom of that specific pattern. I mean, Scientology, right? Or maybe not. Regardless, by 2019, I felt the time had finally come to tackle the big boss. I could no longer boast to people how devoted I was to digesting sacred materials if I could not state that I'd consumed The Mother. The biggest religious text of all time. The most popular belief system on the planet still to this very day. And that is why, this year, I did it. I read the freaking Bible, man.<br /><br /> But before I drag you down into the dust of my opinions, here is a quick (but imperative) history lesson which you probably already know. The Bible itself is split into two sections, namely the Old Testament, and the New Testament. The Old Testament was created by essentially reworking the holy Hebrew Bible known as the Tanakh. A touch of reordering here and reinterpretations there followed by a mass amount of streamlining does mean that the two carry certain profound differences in their teachings. However, by either side’s account, once you’ve read one, you’ve basically got the gist of the other as it’s the same story. This is important because it is the first of many very clever moves by those who compiled the Bible. It means that the book was easily sellable, not as some “brand new thing”, but rather, an updated version of a former already well-established thing. This provided a smooth path of least resistance for those to follow, taking a slight detour onward to effortlessly slip from one belief to another. Even calling this first part the “Old Testament” was a sneaky undetected backhand on Christianity’s part, as it indicated that these teachings were no longer modern enough or were at very least incomplete. Because there was a new word on the block, can you handle it? What a total cheat manoeuvre this was, but all’s fair in love and war, and if history has taught us anything, this is a war.<br /><br /> Judaism is known as the first of the Abrahamic religions (religions which started with the prophet Abraham, duh) and Christianity is the sequel, sliding in with the fancy New Testament where Jesus blasts onto the scene armed with a whole fresh set of crazy ideas, many of which contradicted those from the former Jewish faith. Were you with him? Or against him? "Against him!" cried those who stuck to the traditional Jewish faith as they never really appreciated Jesus’ tone all that much. They eventually solved that pesky problem by murdering the dude way back when which, as it turns out, was a super silly move, accidentally martyring the self-proclaimed Only Son of God, helping Christianity to explode all across the globe not long afterwards. <br /><br /> Three centuries later and Islam entered the game as the third and final part of the Abrahamic saga and the trilogy was complete. Which movie was the best one is still open to debate, but if the stats are anything to go by, then Christianity still dominates the box office with 33% of the world’s population dedicated to the faith (Islam in second place with 24.1%, Judaism falling to 11th with 0.2%, according to 2012 survey results). One can only speculate, but I do wonder what would have happened if the Quran had included the Old and New Testament in their special book too, packaged and sold with the teachings of Muhammad as <i>Chapter 3: The Final Testament</i> or whatever. Then maybe... maybe we’d have a very different set of statistics on our hands right now (and potentially a very different world). Regardless, they did not do this, and so here we are, with around 60% of the Christian Bible applying to the Judaism faith too, which is worth keeping in mind throughout my review.<br /><br /> Ok! So when one starts reading the Bible, I think it’s understandable to predict a boring preachy text which is as outdated as it is difficult to understand. I’ve spent so much of my life in the company of arrogant heretics who consider every religion to be the “opium of the people”, which has distorted my preconceptions accordingly. I was anticipating the dumbest book my eyes had ever scoured. I was preparing to sugarcoat my review to avoid offending my lovely Christain friends whilst still sticking to my journalistic integrity and subtly tearing this scripture into a soup. It’s quite surprising, then, that the opposite ultimately rang true and I now realise that the vast majority of those people who viciously oppose the Bible have certainly not read it. This book offers so many qualities from so many different perspectives that it is no one general thing for you to easily despise. I’d even go so far as to claim that, no matter who you are, you could find some joyous verses here regardless of your cultural background or closed-minded convictions.<br /><br /> To prove this, I kept a tally of the Good Book’s genre-defying antics, and I believe I have compiled the ultimate list of stylistic grounds covered by the Bible. Are you ready? This publication is as follows: a prophetic vision of terrifying consequences; a soap opera far too reprehensible for prime time television; an excessively violent war story; a fantasy tale complete with sorcery and mythical monsters; a heartbreakingly cruel tragedy; an unintentional (?) comedy; and a book of poetry which genuinely revealed to me what true poetry could be, as its melodious use of language was no short of phenomenal, presenting such a depth of beauty even during times of such gruesome descriptions that my own writing has since grown extra fingers. It’s also an action-packed thriller; a superhero story (Jesus!); a medical journal; an exploration of erotic taboos; and one long death metal song stuffed with endless lyrical content so brutal that any band could easily fill a whole album with these verses alone (as I’m sure many have). Furthermore, there are assorted building instructions for construction workers, home improvement tips, and cooking recipes all included, while it obviously reads like a detailed history guide confidently mapping out a family tree right back until the dawn of time. So when I say the Bible has everything, then I mean it has <i>everything</i>. I’m not even sure what it’s missing? I mean, this paragraph alone demonstrates what a fascinatingly comprehensive piece of work the Bible is and, honestly, it deserves every single bit of attention it has received. Which also makes total sense, if you think about it. You can’t literally take over the entire world with a shit book, that much I assure you.<br /><br /> There's more. Perhaps one of the Bible's strongest standing assets is that these classic stories are such global phenomenons that you would already be familiar with many of the narratives. These are not only a thrill to hear via the original source but are also delivered at a surprisingly fast pace, featuring an array of well-known characters who are quickly loved then lost as these teachings don’t have time to get sentimental over such a daunting cast of prophets. Easy come, easy go. That is, of course, except for the central character of God himself, the star of the show, leading the Old Testament as the craziest most badass asshole I’ve met in any literary work ever. He is the omnipresent ruler of all things and nobody can escape him. He creates certain people just to favour them above others and then he smites them within the next breath when he’s having a moody day. He builds cities and fills them with enemies just so he can demand that his chosen ones invade these regions to destroy the men and keep the women, hahaha, nice one, God. This world he has built is solely for his own entertainment and we are nothing but toys in his sick sick game. And as the Bible goes on, his mental state slowly but noticeably deteriorates until he has spiralled into complete and utter madness. If this is indeed a fictional story, then I would love to shake the hand of the man who came up with this interpretation of God. What an exceptionally well-written character. He is unquestionably the evilest villain ever told.<br /><br /> Which brings us to the next most logical question: having now read the book, how legitimate do I think these so-called “historical testimonies” came across? Am I now more than ever convinced that this clever tale was merely an invention intended for mass manipulation? Or did I get the sense that there was some truth behind these accounts? And my answer is... I don’t know. Omg, so agnostic until the bitter end.<br /><br /> I’ll be honest though, there’s a strong case for either side of the argument. By today’s standard of any acceptable rationale, this is a tale of the furthest far of far fetchedness. Every shred of modern logic can only disregard how impossible and even ludicrous these proposals are. You’d either have to be psychotic or worryingly impressionable to buy into something so inconceivably delusional. But, then again, is this because we lack any reference point for such fantastical occurrences? Is the reason behind our effortless secular dismissals merely a direct result of us never seeing it happen? <br /><br /> Encouraged by this question, I disabled all bias and entered Google with blank intentions, interested to note that a curious trail did eventually start to emerge. Any doubt of the existence of these Biblical figures, most notably Jesus himself, were very recent theories, coming into popularity roughly around the early 1800s. That means that it took almost two millennia of a no-show Jesus just for us to question whether it was a fictional report or not. On the other side of the argument, Jesus himself has been documented in various texts outside of the Bible. The first known written works that mention the man are estimated to have come into circulation around 40 years after his death. That’s a relatively small window of time in which to invent a whole new person as well as to convince the world that he was the only son of God. Surely the people of Nazareth would have written their own documents saying stuff like, <i>"There was no Jesus here 40 years ago, I was here the whole time"</i>? In fact, if there ever was a community who would benefit from the disproval of Jesus, it would be those of the Jewish faith, but even they have ancient literature which confirms the man’s existence (although they disregard his magical abilities as nothing but a sneaky sorcerer). With just a little research, it comes abundantly clear that the vast majority of experts in all historical fields agree that there was once some guy named Jesus walking around our planet. Perhaps his acts have been exaggerated or perhaps certain evidence was developed to garner a stronger following (or perhaps not?), but the fact is that this man changed our world more than any other recorded individual who has ever set foot on our lands. It’s been over 2000 years, people! We all like to talk about celebrities, but this guy was levels upon levels above anything our feeble Hollywood minds could fathom. And that’s incredibly exciting to me.<br /><br /> Another proponent which strengthens the Bible’s word is its unnecessary amount of detail. Countless lines of ancestry are dotted out for pages and pages and pages whilst mundane historical events are elaborately described complete with precise locations, many of which you can still visit today. Furthermore, seeing as these “chapters” (referred to as books within the book) are each written by different people (a fact that any reader can attest to due to frustratingly inconsistent quality of the language), it’s fascinating how these stories often disagree about smaller details, just like any group of witnesses would remember certain specifics differently. If your sole objective was to reinforce an impenetrable lie, why would you intentionally bore the reader with insignificant information which serves no purpose? Why would you go out of your way to create separate eyewitness testimonies that are not 100% concurrent? Once again, this is either the work of a genius (or geniuses) so far ahead of their time that even the most convincing writers of today have not caught up yet, or these are genuine accounts from people who wholeheartedly testified for the same incidents. <br /><br /> Then again, there have been plenty of studies which suggest various historical inaccuracies littered throughout the Bible, so what are we supposed to do? Because, the simple matter is that the depth of these teachings have been investigated and analysed and scrutinised with more vigour than any other book in existence, and yet nobody has truly reached the bottom. Hell, nobody can even agree where the bottom is! But I do know one thing for certain, and it’s this: whether God or some sneaky author, whoever invented the idea that snipping the foreskin off of the penis was imperative to enlightenment was a fucking weirdo. At what point did genital mutilation become so tied in with religion? That’s some seriously messed up stuff to the point that I’d rather blame a crazy higher power than a human being for a practice so barbaric. I believe in God for reasons of my dick.<br /><br /> Side note: I am circumcised. And I love it. But not for any spiritual purposes. Quite the opposite, in fact.<br /><br /> I have a theory of my own, if you've got a moment? So, like back in the old days, maybe God used to talk directly to people. Maybe he was the energy of the Universe personifying itself so that we could understand him better. Or maybe he was the spokesperson for the alien colony who procreated with monkeys to invent our genetic line, playing a fun game with our minds. Or maybe he was Santa Clause on a cloud. These details are irrelevant. Rather, what matters is that this entity sought out specific personalities then gave them instructions, creating prophets. Now, history tends to associate prophets with a very select few individuals but in the Bible alone there were quite a number of them, which begs the question, how many more never made the script? Thousands? In fact, there were probably prophets from the “enemy” side too, “God” giving them opposing instructions just to watch them fight. Is the Bible merely a very small fragment of a much bigger story? Except this just so happened to be the only side they wrote down and ultimately it conquered the world? Could be! Regardless, nobody doubted these prophets because they could also prove their worth via special magic tricks that God blessed them with and everyone would be cool with it. It's no big deal, it happened all the time back then. It was just a part of life. It’s well documented throughout history.<br /><br /> Eventually, God lost interest in us or humans bred too much and he couldn’t keep up or whatever. So he went off to look at another project which meant that there was no one to fulfil the prophecies or answer prayers anymore. Meanwhile, society continued to believe in the virtues of living a kind life, but they also watched as evil men stood upon their heads to climb to the top, ruling the world with sin while no plagues infested their homes and their firstborns lived prosperous lives. Naturally, individuals began to question all of their previous teachings which didn’t match up to the promised results. Because it had been a long time and all they had were stories passed down from the older generations from when God used to be involved. If the humans could still remember seeing a dude swallowed up by the Earth or if someone’s grandad had witnessed God bringing a dead man to life, no one would dare deny the power of the almighty. Once again, these miraculous events are rife throughout historic texts. But when too many years/decades/centuries had passed without incident, people became doubtful and understandably stopped believing in God. Because God stopped believing in us. Or maybe he got lost. Or maybe he died after all.<br /><br /> Another sideline of my theory is that God is actually still talking to us but we’ve intellectualised the voice to such a clear degree that we now work with it, claiming it as our own thoughts, labelling it our “inner monologue” or “intuition” or “urges” or “callings” when, in actual fact, these are small divine interventions where God is guiding us. Except he no longer has a claim to these words because we’ve been taught that this voice is our own mind. Or perhaps new prophets are still being called upon every single day, but our society no longer has a place for them so we lock those crazies up. Perhaps God is alive and well, and Jesus has come again, but the men at the top of the capitalist food chain have suppressed these ideas and hidden the chosen ones just in case they mess with the precious economic system they’ve built to serve themselves. Or... perhaps not. <br /><br /> We could weave an intricate nest of hypothesis in various directions, but while the mental wankery is fun, my true gut feeling is that the Bible was the result of potentially the longest Chinese whisper ever. There could be a ton of truth to its core ideas which grew many sizes larger than itself and then got stuck, no longer relevant to our lives. It makes no difference to me anyway. Because, even if this is one bloated adaptation of the genuine facts, I sincerely appreciate the exaggerations and mistruths. It made for a much more entertaining read.<br /><br /> Moving on, and it should come as no surprise that the Bible wasn’t the easiest of literature to endure. Easy to understand, sure. Surprisingly so. But very difficult in all other aspects. It’s long. The font was tiny. The stories meander often. There are so many characters that you can quickly fall behind, suddenly misplaced because you briefly dropped your attention yet you're far too fatigued to find your way back. And all the while you have to perpetually pretend that this is just a fantasy novel, not the world’s most dominant religion’s scripture because, damn, this is not a friendly book. This is a book of hate, a book of jealousy, a book of war, a book of oppression, a book of death. And, like, not only in the context of the hundreds of thousands of lives tortured and lost upon these very pages but also the millions who have suffered in one way or another since. Atheists, go ahead and high-five eachother when I say this: I severely struggle to comprehend how any modern-day person can find some sort of a life meaning or spiritual dedication within such viciously ugly guidelines. But people do. And that’s fucking dangerous. Someone who believes that these exact words are the true path to God is the type of person I am unsure should be allowed to walk free in our society. <br /><br /> On the flip side, however, none of the above complaints are anything new in terms of religious scripture, especially from the Abrahamic timeline. I felt the same way about the Bible as I did the Quran, in that a book so old would never be relevant to how we run our lives now because we’ve evolved beyond the era where these words were intended to accommodate. And, in my experience, most contemporary followers understand that. Using this approach, we can then strip away many of the more savage notions as a product of the time until we are left with the core messages, which remain as easy-to-follow stepping stones towards bettering yourself as a person whilst nurturing the spiritual component we all harness within ourselves (no matter how dormant). Belief in a higher power is as simple as the understanding that you are not the highest power, and this realisation alone can turn you into a nicer being.<br /><br /> Look, at the end of the day, the Tanakh/Old Testament and the New Testament and the Quran all hold a mystical quality no matter what your personal position is. Of course, there’s the horrific side to this conversation if you wish to focus upon it, but even in these poisons, there is a greater beauty to be found. Like how these pieces of literature have developed to such a large scale that individuals have literally lost themselves in them. Or how works so old have survived for so long, that amazes me. But beyond even this, a lot of genuine good has come from religion too (if you can open your mind wide enough for it). Some of the most timeless art pieces and architectural constructions were inspired by scripture. People throughout the ages have felt a power in these words so potent that it encouraged them to go out and help others, often at the cost of their own lives. And, of course, the books themselves have offered us so many themes to ponder, assisting the debates about God and the Universe and where exactly we all fit into this infinitely abstract picture. Even if you loathe religion and scoff at these texts, at least appreciate that they are the most important works in human history. Think of the highest critically acclaimed novel you’ve ever read and then ask yourself, was it as culturally significant as the Bible? You say you appreciate the classics, then why not appreciate <i>The Ultimate Classic?</i> And so, once more with feeling, if someone made all of this up and subsequently managed to influence almost every single aspect of the human experience that followed, then more respect to them. They were far smarter than any of us to pull something like this off. They were geniuses beyond any literacy geniuses I know of today. Nobody has ever written anything on par with the Bible, and it seems unlikely that anyone ever will.<br /><br /> Winding down into a personal position, I must confess that this piece did work some magic on my mind too. The more pages I turned, the more my thoughts began to morph into poetic verses while my inner monologue boomed with louder volumes. When I took the necessary breaks from this printed onslaught, I found myself craving it. When I read the book, I did so standing up with my right hand in the air. It was always between every line of my thoughts and I couldn’t shake the sense that I was on a mission of deep exploration, one of which I have hardly even explored. And it blessed me with endless creative ideas and philosophical questions, each branching off from this very strange history left behind us, so intricately woven into our society that so much of our current shape is a direct cause of it. You can feel this energy when you read the Bible. There’s a strength in here which challenges everything we know with a worrying amount of certainty. And, somehow, as the most spoken-about text of all time, it lived up to the hype completely. I fell in love with the Bible as one of the greatest books I’ve ever finished and I feel honoured to have enriched my brain with this information. It’s mine now and I treasure that.<br /><br /> And thus concludes my lengthy opinion of the Bible, did you enjoy it? Although what does that matter? There are so many conflicting opinions out there, my speck of a contribution does not even register on the greater cake of everything. Instead, what matters is <i>your</i> opinion and how I can help you work that out for yourself. That’s why (like every religious text I've conquered), I’ve taken things to the next level and picked out what I consider to be the most fascinating verses just for you to mull over and suckle your own conclusions from. Of course, I could not relay the complete coherent story to you without writing the whole damn thing down, so a lot of my choices are taken out of context and often for reasons of immaturity. BUT! But... I promise you, that if you get through this full article, then you will be at the top of the class when it comes to your next Biblical argument. I know it’s a long read but it’s also a much shorter read than the actual Bible itself, take it from me on that one.<br /><br /> Good luck and... God bless?<br /> <div style="background-color: #eeeeee; border-top: 5px solid rgb(255, 123, 0); margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 2em; padding: 10px 15px 15px; text-align: center; width: calc(100% - 30px);"><h3 style="border: 0px;">Read This Next Maybe</h3><a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2016/06/i-read-quran-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank"><img alt="I Read the Quran So You Don't Have To" border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oqmmAYl4DmI/V2O4a77LSOI/AAAAAAAAIJA/W37SKK0R8tQz5QGzQxexI8Q0y3YR6F4HQCLcB/s1600/16June29-I-Read-The-Quran.jpg" style="width: 500px;" /></a><br /><a href="http://juicenothing.blogspot.com/2016/06/i-read-quran-so-you-dont-have-to.html" target="_blank">I Read the Quran So You Don't Have To</a></div><br /> <div class="theparts">THE OLD<br />TESTAMENT </div><br /> <h3>BOOK OF GENESIS</h3><br /><div class="quote"><b>1:1</b> - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.</div><br />What puts this scripture ahead is that is starts from the very beginning of everythng. That's a powerful first move.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:11</b> - And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.<br /><b>1:12</b> - And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.</div><br />I like the seed bit.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:24</b> - And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.</div><br />It refers to "creeping thing" a few times throughout this book, it's adorable.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:26</b> - And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.<br /><b>1:27</b> - So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.<br /><b>1:28</b> - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. </div><br />Uh oh, here comes trouble. Bad move, God!<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:29</b> - And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.<br /><b>1:30</b> - And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. </div><br />Didn't Cypress Hill sample 29? Also, 30 is against a plant-based diet. You're welcome, meat-eaters.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:2</b> - And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.<br /><b>2:3</b> - And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made. </div><br />The Sabbath is born, which in context of this book, is a massive deal.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:17</b> - But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. </div><br />But they <i>did</i> eat it and they <i>didn't</i> die, so what's up with that fib, Lordy? Metaphorical death, I suppose.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:21</b> - And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;<br /><b>2:22</b> - And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.<br /><b>2:23</b> - And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. </div><br />Creation of woman. How does that final sentence fair in different languages? Because English grammar scholars <a href="http://thelanguagenerds.com/why-does-woman-have-man-in-it-and-female-has-the-word-male-in-it/" target="_blank">disagree</a>. Regardless, what was it that Nietzsche quote? <i>"Woman was God's second mistake".</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:4</b> - And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:<br /><b>3:5</b> - For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. </div><br />Look at this! Right there! That's the Devil telling the truth! He's pointing out God's previous lies! From the beginning, Satan was on our side. It's in the Bible. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:7</b> - And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.<br /><b>3:8</b> - And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.<br /><b>3:9</b> - And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?<br /><b>3:10</b> - And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.<br /><b>3:11</b> - And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?<br /><b>3:12</b> - And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. </div><br />Haha straight-up snitching, IT WAS THE WOMAN'S FAULT! SHE MADE ME DO IT! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:16</b> - Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. </div><br />Where my feminist Christians be at? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:8</b> - And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.<br /><b>4:9</b> - And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?<br /><b>4:10</b> - And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground. </div><br />Brother murder. I love that God heard the blood crying from the ground, that's strong writing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:17</b> - And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch. </div><br />A random wife suddenly appears despite there being like five people on the planet or whatever. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:3</b> - And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:<br /><b>5:4</b> - And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:<br /><b>5:5</b> - And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died. </div><br />Old! I also came across one of my notes here that read <i>"Who the fuck is making this shit up? It’s rad fun"</i>. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:18</b> - And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:<br /><b>5:19</b> - And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:<br /><b>5:20</b> - And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died. </div><br />That's me! There's basically just lines and lines and lines of family history here. This book tends to do that from time to time. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:4</b> - There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.</div><br />GIANTS! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:5</b> - And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.<br /><b>6:6</b> - And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.<br /><b>6:7</b> - And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.<br /><b>6:8</b> - But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD. </div><br />God decides to Ctrl Alt Delete. But, as per usual, he had his favourite. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:13</b> - And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.<br /><b>6:14</b> - Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. </div><br />Classic Bible story, this one. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:1</b> - And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters asswaged; </div><br />God remembered?? Wait, was there a chance he was going to forget?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:20</b> - And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:<br /><b>9:21</b> - And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.<br /><b>9:22</b> - And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.<br /><b>9:23</b> - And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.<br /><b>9:24</b> - And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. </div><br />This is weird. So seeing your dad's naked is a super bad thing? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:4</b> - And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. </div><br /><div class="quote"><b>11:9</b> - Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth. </div><br />The invention of language. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:1</b> - Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.<br /><b>16:2</b> - And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.<br /><b>16:3</b> - And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.<br /><b>16:4</b> - And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.<br /><b>16:5</b> - And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.<br /><b>16:6</b> - But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. </div><br />Abraham is Abram now. His wife hooked him up. It's also worth noting that Abraham and God were super tight at this point, like best mates. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:9</b> - And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.<br /><b>17:10</b> - This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.<br /><b>17:11</b> - And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.<br /><b>17:12</b> - And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.<br /><b>17:13</b> - He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.<br /><b>17:14</b> - And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant. </div><br />So there’s that bit. It's a constant throughout, right until the very end. You can't enter Heaven unless you've had a bit of your willy chopped off. Super logical. I have though, just by the way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:15</b> - And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be. </div><br />Still an insanely popular name to this very day. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:16</b> - And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.<br /><b>17:17</b> - Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear? </div><br />Abraham rolf'd there. Rofl'ing at God. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:24</b> - And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin. </div><br />Yeech. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:17</b> - And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; </div><br />Who are you even talking to? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19:26</b> - But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. </div><br />I got a fright when I read this at first, I was like, noooo Sarah! But it was Lot's wife, so it's all good, the soapy continues. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19:31</b> - And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:<br /><b>19:32</b> - Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.<br /><b>19:33</b> - And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.<br /><b>19:34</b> - And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.<br /><b>19:35</b> - And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.<br /><b>19:36</b> - Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.<br /></div><br />Of all the craziness of the Bible, this is always my go-to wtf story. Just in case you missed it, Lot's two daughters got him drunk and raped him on two separate occasions, each having a baby with him. And there's no moral story here. Nothing bad happens to them in the slightest for this action. It's not even told in the context of being a sinful story, it's just very matter-of-fact, this is what happened, and then the book moves on. So mental. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:7</b> - And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age. </div><br />Children suck! I'm assuming this means breastfeeding though. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:9</b> - And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.<br /><b>22:10</b> - And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.<br /><b>22:11</b> - And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.<br /><b>22:12</b> - And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me. </div><br />How weird is God though? He spirals further into madness the more this book goes, it's a measurable progression which feels all too real to me. Why is God like this? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:17</b> - That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;<br /><b>22:18</b> - And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice. </div><br />Father Abraham had many sons. Many sons had father Abraham. Too many, really. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:1</b> - And Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old: these were the years of the life of Sarah.<br /><b>23:2</b> - And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her. </div><br />Nooooo SARAH! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:7</b> - And these are the days of the years of Abraham's life which he lived, an hundred threescore and fifteen years.<br /><b>25:8</b> - Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people. </div><br />There goes Abraham, although at this point it became obvious that Isaac (Abraham and Sarah's son) was taking over the story. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:21</b> - And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.<br /><b>25:22</b> - And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD.<br /><b>25:23</b> - And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger. </div><br />I just like the way this was written, God always knew what to say. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:24</b> - And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.<br /><b>25:25</b> - And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.<br /><b>25:26</b> - And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.<br /><b>25:27</b> - And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.<br /><b>25:28</b> - And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. </div><br />Family politics, eh? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>27:11</b> - And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man: </div><br />It’s about Isaac ability to tell his sons apart, but, out of context, it’s so great. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>27:16</b> - And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck: </div><br />Ok so, like, Isaac was blind by this point and had but one blessing to give to one son. So his wife Rebekah ensured that Jacob, her favourite, received the blessing by disguising him up to feel hairy like Esau (who was Abraham's favourite, obviously in the lead for the blessing). It's a dick move and Esau was really mad when he found out what had happened. It’s a strange tale. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:17</b> - Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. </div><br />Remember this for later. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:30</b> - And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. </div><br />Ok, so this soap opera subplot was weird. Jacob dedicated seven years of service to a guy named Laban in order to marry his youngest daughter, Rachel. But after the time was up, Laban gave him Leah instead. Jacob was forced to work even more and then he got Rachel too...? Something like that. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:31</b> - And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. </div><br />Cool, so God figured he'd help somehow by making Leah pregnant four times with four sons for Jacob. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:1</b> - And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.<br /><b>30:2</b> - And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?<br /><b>30:3</b> - And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.<br /><b>30:4</b> - And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her. </div><br />So Rachel figures the best solution was to get her handmaiden to have a baby with Jacob, and then she could claim it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:9</b> - When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife. </div><br />Right, so Leah countered Rachel's move by playing the exact same card. So for those keeping score, Jacob is currently sleeping with four women and they have eight sons between them. Two more sons and one daughter come along some paragraphs later, all by Leah. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:22</b> - And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb. </div><br />Haha God remembered Rachel, like, oh yeah! You can have babies now, I forgot to tell you. Congrats, it's another boy. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:34</b> - Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not.<br /><b>31:34</b> - And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched, but found not the images. </div><br />Rachel stole images from her father earlier and here is a good sneak. Images are another word idols. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:24</b> - And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.<br /><b>32:25</b> - And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.<br /><b>32:26</b> - And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.<br /><b>32:27</b> - And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.<br /><b>32:28</b> - And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.<br /></div><br />Haha, simpler times? I will beat a blessing out of you. Also please note the name change just to make our lives less confusing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:13</b> - And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:<br /><b>34:14</b> - And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:<br /><b>34:15</b> - But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;<br /><b>34:16</b> - Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.<br /><b>34:17</b> - But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.<br /><b>34:18</b> - And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.<br /><b>34:19</b> - And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.<br /><b>34:20</b> - And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,<br /><b>34:21</b> - These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.<br /><b>34:22</b> - Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.<br /><b>34:23</b> - Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of theirs be ours? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.<br /><b>34:24</b> - And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city. </div><br />Such a weird deal. So their sister was raped and the solution was to convince the rapists to circumcise themselves and then they could trade girls like Pokémon. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:25</b> - And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.<br /><b>34:26</b> - And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.<br /><b>34:27</b> - The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.<br /><b>34:28</b> - They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,<br /><b>34:29</b> - And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.<br /></div><br />Ok, this is more like it (albeit way hectic). So after getting the men to cut their foreskins off, they destroyed the whole city anyway, killing all men, enslaving all women. Don't rape these dude's sister is the moral of the story. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>35:18</b> - And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.<br /><b>35:19</b> - And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.<br /><b>35:20</b> - And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar of Rachel's grave unto this day. </div><br />Rachel dies during labour. You can actually visit her tomb today, which is pretty amazing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>37:3</b> - Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.<br /><b>37:4</b> - And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.; </div><br />Joseph was Israel’s favourite which is never a good way to start. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>37:31</b> - And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;<br /><b>37:32</b> - And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no.<br /><b>37:33</b> - And he knew it, and said, It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.<br /><b>37:34</b> - And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.<br /><b>37:35</b> - And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.<br /></div><br />So Joseph's brothers sold him to Ishmeelites for 20 pieces of silver and then played this trick to make it look like he had been eaten. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>38:6</b> - And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.<br /><b>38:7</b> - And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.<br /><b>38:8</b> - And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.<br /><b>38:9</b> - And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.<br /><b>38:10</b> - And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.<br /></div><br />He came on the ground. The first pull-out in history? So God killed him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>38:16</b> - And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?<br /><b>38:17</b> - And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?<br /><b>38:18</b> - And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.<br /></div><br />Haha classic male/female dynamic. Boy desires sexual interaction, girl wants a material trade for said sexual interaction. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>43:32</b> - And they set on for him by himself, and for them by themselves, and for the Egyptians, which did eat with him, by themselves: because the Egyptians might not eat bread with the Hebrews; for that is an abomination unto the Egyptians. </div><br />There's a lot going around this point that it's difficult to keep my notes up tp date. But basically, there's a famine on and Jacob is sending children to get food from Joseph. Regardless, the segregation between Hebrews and Egyptians is interesting. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>44:1</b> - And he commanded the steward of his house, saying, Fill the men's sacks with food, as much as they can carry, and put every man's money in his sack's mouth.<br /><b>44:2</b> - And put my cup, the silver cup, in the sack's mouth of the youngest, and his corn money. And he did according to the word that Joseph had spoken.<br /><b>44:3</b> - As soon as the morning was light, the men were sent away, they and their asses.<br /><b>44:4</b> - And when they were gone out of the city, and not yet far off, Joseph said unto his steward, Up, follow after the men; and when thou dost overtake them, say unto them, Wherefore have ye rewarded evil for good?<br /><b>44:5</b> - Is not this it in which my lord drinketh, and whereby indeed he divineth? ye have done evil in so doing. </div><br />What a wicked game, hiding goods in their sacks so they can be framed for thievery later. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>45:26</b> - And told him, saying, Joseph is yet alive, and he is governor over all the land of Egypt. And Jacob's heart fainted, for he believed them not. </div><br />"Heart fainted" is a lovely way of saying it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>47:17</b> - And they brought their cattle unto Joseph: and Joseph gave them bread in exchange for horses, and for the flocks, and for the cattle of the herds, and for the asses: and he fed them with bread for all their cattle for that year. </div><br />Bread was quite a valuable currency during this age. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>47:24</b> - And it shall come to pass in the increase, that ye shall give the fifth part unto Pharaoh, and four parts shall be your own, for seed of the field, and for your food, and for them of your households, and for food for your little ones. </div><br />The beginning of tax. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>48:17</b> - And when Joseph saw that his father laid his right hand upon the head of Ephraim, it displeased him: and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from Ephraim's head unto Manasseh's head.<br /><b>48:18</b> - And Joseph said unto his father, Not so, my father: for this is the firstborn; put thy right hand upon his head.<br /><b>48:19</b> - And his father refused, and said, I know it, my son, I know it: he also shall become a people, and he also shall be great: but truly his younger brother shall be greater than he, and his seed shall become a multitude of nations. </div><br />People had no problem picking favourite children back in the day. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>49:11</b> - Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass's colt unto the choice vine; he washed his garments in wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes:<br /><b>49:12</b> - His eyes shall be red with wine, and his teeth white with milk. </div><br />I don't know what’s going on but I like it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>50:26</b> - So Joseph died, being an hundred and ten years old: and they embalmed him, and he was put in a coffin in Egypt. </div><br />Jacob, the father, died then Joseph died too, forgiving those who betrayed him. This ends Genesis quite nicely. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF EXODUS</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:15</b> - And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:<br /><b>1:16</b> - And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.</div><br />The new king of Egypt is a super dick. The midwives refused to do this though. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:2</b> - And the woman conceived, and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.<br /><b>2:3</b> - And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river's brink. </div><br />Here's Moses! And that's where this whole mess truly started. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:2</b> - And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. </div><br />Yet another Bible classic. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:14</b> - And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.</div><br />Haha! This sounds like a Monty Python bit to me. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:1</b> - And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.<br /><b>4:2</b> - And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.<br /><b>4:3</b> - And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.<br /><b>4:4</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:<br /><b>4:5</b> - That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.<br /><b>4:6</b> - And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.<br /><b>4:7</b> - And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh.<br /><b>4:8</b> - And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign. </div><br />Yup, that would be pretty convincing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:25</b> - Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. </div><br />Hardcore stuff right there, yeech. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:3</b> - And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by the name of God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them.</div><br />So here's where that Jehovah moniker is explitedly stated. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:10</b> - And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.<br /><b>7:11</b> - Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.<br /><b>7:12</b> - For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods. </div><br />Magic battle! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:17</b> - Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that is in mine hand upon the waters which are in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.<br /><b>7:18</b> - And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.</div><br />Unleash the power. This is God's way of helping Moses to set the Israelites free. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:2</b> - And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs:<br /><b>8:3</b> - And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs:</div><br />The curses continued strong and fast from here, there were plagues of lice and flies, cattle were dying, the people became infected with boils etc. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:12</b> - And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.</div><br />You see, here’s the problem with the entire concept of religion. God is in full control and he's playing games. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:24</b> - So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.</div><br />Maximum flex God! <i>::strong arm emoji:: ::fire emoji::</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:4</b> - Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:<br /><b>10:5</b> - And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:<br /><b>10:6</b> - And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.<br /></div><br />Another spate of crazy curses, Pharaoh just ain’t learning! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:5</b> - And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.<br /><b>11:6</b> - And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.<br /><b>11:7</b> - But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.</div><br />Here is the big curse. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:3</b> - Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house:<br /><b>12:4</b> - And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.<br /><b>12:5</b> - Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:<br /><b>12:6</b> - And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.<br /><b>12:7</b> - And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.<br /><b>12:8</b> - And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.<br /><b>12:9</b> - Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.<br /><b>12:10</b> - And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.<br /><b>12:11</b> - And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD'S passover.<br /><b>12:12</b> - For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD. </div><br />Witchcraft! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:30</b> - And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.</div><br />This curse finally worked and Pharaoh was like, "Ok go!", setting the Israelites free. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:21</b> - And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:</div><br />A pretty epic display to lead the way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:4</b> - And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.</div><br />Once again, God is playing horrible games. Pharaoh decides to go after the Israelites again, but only because God made him do it. How do you win? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:21</b> - And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.</div><br />Another one of the bigger Biblical stories, done. Pharoah's army is destroyed. This is arguably the most important part of the entire Old Testament because God never lets this go. For the rest of these texts, he'd always like, "Yeah, but remember what I did for you guys literally hundreds of years ago," it's the main act he holds over their head for eternity. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:3</b> - The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.</div><br />Eek! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:4</b> - Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.</div><br />It's raining bread, hallelujah! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:1</b> - And God spake all these words, saying,</div><br />The 10 Commandments follow here. What's weird to learn is that the word "neighbour" does not literally mean mankind, it's quite literally your neighbour, which we shall learn more about as we go on. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:5</b> - Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;</div><br />He's a jelly lord. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:2</b> - If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.</div><br />This is one of those bits that may cause one to shudder. Giving permission for slaves, in a way. However, in context of the ages, it was probably a great step forward, putting a limit onto the practice of six years rather than indefinitely.<br />From this point until 23, it was just a bunch of laws one should follow. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:24</b> - Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,<br /><b>21:25</b> - Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.<br /><b>21:26</b> - And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake.<br /><b>21:27</b> - And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake. </div><br />When someone tells you that the Bible preaches peace and love, use this passage to argue against their cause, especually in regards to the Old Testament. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:18</b> - Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.</div><br />Burn the witch! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:17</b> - And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel.</div><br />Ever wonder what God looks like? Here you go. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:8</b> - And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them.</div><br />From here until forever it’s basically an instruction manual on how to build altars and uniforms and whatever else. It goes on for a long time, it keeps coming back to it, and it was very boring. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:10</b> - And thou shalt cause a bullock to be brought before the tabernacle of the congregation: and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the bullock.</div><br />Remember: Satanists don’t sacrifice animals, Jews/Christians do. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:12</b> - When thou takest the sum of the children of Israel after their number, then shall they give every man a ransom for his soul unto the LORD, when thou numberest them; that there be no plague among them, when thou numberest them.<br /><b>30:13</b> - This they shall give, every one that passeth among them that are numbered, half a shekel after the shekel of the sanctuary: (a shekel is twenty gerahs:) an half shekel shall be the offering of the LORD.<br /><b>30:14</b> - Every one that passeth among them that are numbered, from twenty years old and above, shall give an offering unto the LORD.<br /><b>30:15</b> - The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel, when they give an offering unto the LORD, to make an atonement for your souls. </div><br />Buy your soul back. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:15</b> - Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.</div><br />A bit harsh! I always work on Sunday. This is the main commandment which has fallen away in modern ages. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:2</b> - And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.<br /><b>32:3</b> - And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.<br /><b>32:4</b> - And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.<br /><b>32:5</b> - And when Aaron saw it, he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, To morrow is a feast to the LORD.</div><br />In Moses' absence, these people went crazy and needed to worship something! Anything! Help, we are overflowing with unused worship! Aaron is Moses' brother, by the way. This was a bad move on his part. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:19</b> - And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.<br /><b>32:20</b> - And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.</div><br />I knew he broke the word of God, that's a commonly told Bible story, but forcing the people to consume the idol they had fashioned from gold? That was new to me. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:25</b> - And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:)<br /><b>32:26</b> - Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD'S side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him.<br /><b>32:27</b> - And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour.<br /><b>32:28</b> - And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.<br /></div><br />This is such dodgy behaviour. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:14</b> - For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:</div><br />Is this a little weird or is it just me? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:15</b> - Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice;<br /><b>34:16</b> - And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.<br /><b>34:17</b> - Thou shalt make thee no molten gods. </div><br />I don’t understand all of this, but it seems like fun. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF LEVITICUS</h3><br />This entire book was well boring.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:2</b> - Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man of you bring an offering unto the LORD, ye shall bring your offering of the cattle, even of the herd, and of the flock. </div><br />Tons of meat sacrifices follow this, not great for a vegetarian. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:3</b> - If the priest that is anointed do sin according to the sin of the people; then let him bring for his sin, which he hath sinned, a young bullock without blemish unto the LORD for a sin offering. </div><br />So, basically, if a priest sins, murder an innocent animal and we’re all good. Same practive for congregations, rulers, individuals, anyone basically. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:14</b> - And this is the law of the meat offering: the sons of Aaron shall offer it before the LORD, before the altar.<br /><b>6:15</b> - And he shall take of it his handful, of the flour of the meat offering, and of the oil thereof, and all the frankincense which is upon the meat offering, and shall burn it upon the altar for a sweet savour, even the memorial of it, unto the LORD.<br /><b>6:16</b> - And the remainder thereof shall Aaron and his sons eat: with unleavened bread shall it be eaten in the holy place; in the court of the tabernacle of the congregation they shall eat it.<br /><b>6:17</b> - It shall not be baken with leaven. I have given it unto them for their portion of my offerings made by fire; it is most holy, as is the sin offering, and as the trespass offering.<br /><b>6:18</b> - All the males among the children of Aaron shall eat of it. It shall be a statute for ever in your generations concerning the offerings of the LORD made by fire: every one that toucheth them shall be holy. </div><br />If you sin, cook a meal and feed these guys. According to these guys, of course. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:20</b> - This is the offering of Aaron and of his sons, which they shall offer unto the LORD in the day when he is anointed; the tenth part of an ephah of fine flour for a meat offering perpetual, half of it in the morning, and half thereof at night.<br /><b>6:21</b> - In a pan it shall be made with oil; and when it is baken, thou shalt bring it in: and the baken pieces of the meat offering shalt thou offer for a sweet savour unto the LORD. </div><br />Here's a little recipe for ya. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:24</b> - And the fat of the beast that dieth of itself, and the fat of that which is torn with beasts, may be used in any other use: but ye shall in no wise eat of it.<br /><b>7:25</b> - For whosoever eateth the fat of the beast, of which men offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD, even the soul that eateth it shall be cut off from his people.<br /><b>7:26</b> - Moreover ye shall eat no manner of blood, whether it be of fowl or of beast, in any of your dwellings. </div><br />Don't eat fat or blood, though, because <i>that</i> would be wrong. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:24</b> - And there came a fire out from before the LORD, and consumed upon the altar the burnt offering and the fat: which when all the people saw, they shouted, and fell on their faces. </div><br />Hahaha, in my head this looks funny. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:1</b> - And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not.<br /><b>10:2</b> - And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. </div><br />So harsh. They made a simple mistake and it's like, YOU DIE. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:7</b> - And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. </div><br />Don’t eat pigs. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:12</b> - Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you. </div><br />Do not eat shrimp, lobster, scallops, mussels, oysters, squid, octopus, and crabs. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:21</b> - Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth; </div><br />Flying Creeping Things, cool band name, <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:43</b> - Ye shall not make yourselves abominable with any creeping thing that creepeth, neither shall ye make yourselves unclean with them, that ye should be defiled thereby. </div><br />Creeping thing that creepeth, lol. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:2</b> - When a man shall have in the skin of his flesh a rising, a scab, or bright spot, and it be in the skin of his flesh like the plague of leprosy; then he shall be brought unto Aaron the priest, or unto one of his sons the priests: </div><br />From here it plays doctor, going on and on about recognising skin ailments as a guide for priests. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:7</b> - And they shall no more offer their sacrifices unto devils, after whom they have gone a whoring. This shall be a statute for ever unto them throughout their generations. </div><br />First explicit mention of devils? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:6</b> - None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.<br /><b>18:7</b> - The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.<br /><b>18:8</b> - The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.<br /><b>18:9</b> - The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.<br /><b>18:10</b> - The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness.<br /><b>18:11</b> - The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.<br /><b>18:12</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman.<br /><b>18:13</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman.<br /><b>18:14</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt.<br /><b>18:15</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.<br /><b>18:16</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness.<br /><b>18:17</b> - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness.<br /><b>18:18</b> - Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.<br /></div><br />This goes on, but is very important information if someone has any sex doubts? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:19</b> - Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness.<br /><b>18:20</b> - Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her.<br /><b>18:21</b> - And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.<br /><b>18:22</b> - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.<br /><b>18:23</b> - Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. </div><br />Here's some of that anti-gay stuff everyone goes on about. It also covers beastiality, if you're interested. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19:27</b> - Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.<br /><b>19:28</b> - Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.<br /><b>19:29</b> - Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.<br /><b>19:30</b> - Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the LORD.<br /><b>19:31</b> - Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.<br /><b>19:32</b> - Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD. </div><br />A lot of weird and wonderful information there. <i>19:28</i> was the verse that killed Bob Marley. Come to think of it, how does circumcision come into that? I also love how God appears to spazz out every now and then, <i>I am the LORD!</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:9</b> - For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.<br /><b>20:10</b> - And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.<br /><b>20:11</b> - And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.<br /><b>20:12</b> - And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.<br /><b>20:13</b> - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.<br /><b>20:14</b> - And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.<br /><b>20:15</b> - And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.<br /><b>20:16</b> - And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.<br /><b>20:17</b> - And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.<br /><b>20:18</b> - And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.<br /><b>20:19</b> - And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister, nor of thy father's sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.<br /><b>20:20</b> - And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.<br /><b>20:21</b> - And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless. </div><br />The rules of incest are covered here, basically punishable by death, the lot of it. Also, if you have sex with an animal, you must be killed and the poor animal you raped must be killed too. One should also exiled if they have intercourse during menstruation, so now you know, sinner. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:9</b> - And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. </div><br />Not drastic at all. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:18</b> - For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,<br /><b>21:19</b> - Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,<br /><b>21:20</b> - Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;<br /><b>21:21</b> - No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.<br /><b>21:22</b> - He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.<br /><b>21:23</b> - Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the LORD do sanctify them.<br /></div><br />You can’t be a priest if you’re weird in any physical way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:16</b> - And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the LORD, shall be put to death. </div><br />Stone the blasphemous man. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:3</b> - If ye walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them;<br /><b>26:4</b> - Then I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.<br /><b>26:5</b> - And your threshing shall reach unto the vintage, and the vintage shall reach unto the sowing time: and ye shall eat your bread to the full, and dwell in your land safely.<br /><b>26:6</b> - And I will give peace in the land, and ye shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid: and I will rid evil beasts out of the land, neither shall the sword go through your land.<br /><b>26:7</b> - And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword.<br /><b>26:8</b> - And five of you shall chase an hundred, and an hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight: and your enemies shall fall before you by the sword.<br /><b>26:9</b> - For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you. </div><br />So after a long list of horrible curses that God shall rain upon you if you're bad, here are the rewards you get if you're good. Basically, a normal life. Not quite the virgins of Islam, is it? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:15</b> - And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant:<br /><b>26:16</b> - I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.<br /><b>26:17</b> - And I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies: they that hate you shall reign over you; and ye shall flee when none pursueth you.<br /><b>26:18</b> - And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins.<br /><b>26:19</b> - And I will break the pride of your power; and I will make your heaven as iron, and your earth as brass:<br /><b>26:20</b> - And your strength shall be spent in vain: for your land shall not yield her increase, neither shall the trees of the land yield their fruits.<br /><b>26:21</b> - And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins.<br /><b>26:22</b> - I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number; and your high ways shall be desolate.<br /><b>26:23</b> - And if ye will not be reformed by me by these things, but will walk contrary unto me;<br /><b>26:24</b> - Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish you yet seven times for your sins.<br /><b>26:25</b> - And I will bring a sword upon you, that shall avenge the quarrel of my covenant: and when ye are gathered together within your cities, I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy.<br /><b>26:26</b> - And when I have broken the staff of your bread, ten women shall bake your bread in one oven, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight: and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied. </div><br />And here's yet more punishment. When God promises to set his face against you in <i>26:17</i>, that actually seems quite terrifying. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:27</b> - And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;<br /><b>26:28</b> - Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.<br /><b>26:29</b> - And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.<br /><b>26:30</b> - And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you. </div><br />The punishment is a lot longer and more an intense than the reward. It's not really fair, God. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:41</b> - And that I also have walked contrary unto them, and have brought them into the land of their enemies; if then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled, and they then accept of the punishment of their iniquity: </div><br />I think this is the first mention of "uncircumcised hearts" which is so awesome in its own strange way. They refer to this concept often. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF NUMBERS</h3><br />A large portion of this book is just counting people. It really goes on for ages. That said, the detailed numbering does assist the argument for this being a historically accurate text. It's very specific and also it's super useless information. Why would they waste their/our time if they were making up stories? If the Bible is indeed an imaginary tale, then this is a genius move on their part.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:2</b> - Take ye the sum of all the congregation of the children of Israel, after their families, by the house of their fathers, with the number of their names, every male by their polls;<br /><b>1:2</b> - From twenty years old and upward, all that are able to go forth to war in Israel: thou and Aaron shall number them by their armies. </div><br />God is starting a war now. It then goes over tribe after tribe, each giving their amount of people, ready for battle <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:13</b> - Because all the firstborn are mine; for on the day that I smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt I hallowed unto me all the firstborn in Israel, both man and beast: mine shall they be: I am the LORD. </div><br />The Bible is actually a study into the gradual but consistent spiral of God going mad. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:2</b> - Command the children of Israel, that they put out of the camp every leper, and every one that hath an issue, and whosoever is defiled by the dead: </div><br />Leper I can understand for contagious reasons, but what is an "issue"? That's too ambigous which is dangerous. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:27</b> - And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. </div><br />This is what happens to women who cheat. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:10</b> - And the princes offered for dedicating of the altar in the day that it was anointed, even the princes offered their offering before the altar.<br /><b>7:11</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, They shall offer their offering, each prince on his day, for the dedicating of the altar. </div><br />This goes on for quite a while but, in summary, God loves material possesions and dead animals <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:1</b> - And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, <b>10:2</b> - Make thee two trumpets of silver; of a whole piece shalt thou make them: that thou mayest use them for the calling of the assembly, and for the journeying of the camps. </div><br />I feel like God is just making this up as he goes along now. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:1</b> - And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.<br /><b>11:2</b> - And the people cried unto Moses; and when Moses prayed unto the LORD, the fire was quenched. </div><br />Ever wondered what God having a temper tantrum would be like? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:18</b> - And say thou unto the people, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow, and ye shall eat flesh: for ye have wept in the ears of the LORD, saying, Who shall give us flesh to eat? for it was well with us in Egypt: therefore the LORD will give you flesh, and ye shall eat.<br /><b>11:18</b> - Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days;<br /><b>11:18</b> - But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you: because that ye have despised the LORD which is among you, and have wept before him, saying, Why came we forth out of Egypt? </div><br />What? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:1</b> - And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.<br /></div><br />Thanks for clarifying. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:12</b> - Let her not be as one dead, of whom the flesh is half consumed when he cometh out of his mother's womb.<br /></div><br />Fantastic metal lyrics right here! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:11</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? and how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed among them?<br /><b>14:12</b> - I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they. </div><br />Fair question. God has done a lot of messed up stuff to prove his existence here, and yet he's still not getting the respect he deserves. No wonder he's going crazy. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:27</b> - How long shall I bear with this evil congregation, which murmur against me? I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel, which they murmur against me. </div><br />God is so funny with his wording. Sorry, what are they doing? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:32</b> - And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.<br /><b>15:33</b> - And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation.<br /><b>15:34</b> - And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him.<br /><b>15:35</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.<br /><b>15:36</b> - And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.<br /></div><br />WTF???? This alone should be enough to put anyone off following this insanity, surely. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:38</b> - Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments throughout their generations, and that they put upon the fringe of the borders a ribband of blue:<br /><b>15:39</b> - And it shall be unto you for a fringe, that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them; and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring: </div><br />Okay. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:3</b> - And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD? </div><br />Yeah, what makes you so freaking special? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:21</b> - Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment.<br /><b>16:22</b> - And they fell upon their faces, and said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation? </div><br />God overreacts, as per usual. <i>I don't care who did it, I'll kill all of you!</i><br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:31</b> - And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them:<br /><b>16:32</b> - And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.<br /><b>16:33</b> - They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.<br /><b>16:34</b> - And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also.<br /><b>16:35</b> - And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. </div><br />God's mental health continues to decline. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:24</b> - Aaron shall be gathered unto his people: for he shall not enter into the land which I have given unto the children of Israel, because ye rebelled against my word at the water of Meribah.<br /><b>20:25</b> - Take Aaron and Eleazar his son, and bring them up unto mount Hor:<br /><b>20:26</b> - And strip Aaron of his garments, and put them upon Eleazar his son: and Aaron shall be gathered unto his people, and shall die there.<br /><b>20:27</b> - And Moses did as the LORD commanded: and they went up into mount Hor in the sight of all the congregation.<br /><b>20:28</b> - And Moses stripped Aaron of his garments, and put them upon Eleazar his son; and Aaron died there in the top of the mount: and Moses and Eleazar came down from the mount.<br /><b>20:29</b> - And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they mourned for Aaron thirty days, even all the house of Israel. </div><br />After everything Aaron did, God still held a grudge about that idol he made decades ago, and so God kills him now because he no longer has a use for the man. This is the almighty Judeo-Christian Lord, people. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:5</b> - And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.<br /><b>21:6</b> - And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.<br /><b>21:7</b> - Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people.<br /><b>21:8</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.<br /><b>21:9</b> - And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.<br /></div><br />God still up to his tricks, of course. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:21</b> - And Israel sent messengers unto Sihon king of the Amorites, saying,<br /><b>21:22</b> - Let me pass through thy land: we will not turn into the fields, or into the vineyards; we will not drink of the waters of the well: but we will go along by the king's high way, until we be past thy borders.<br /><b>21:23</b> - And Sihon would not suffer Israel to pass through his border: but Sihon gathered all his people together, and went out against Israel into the wilderness: and he came to Jahaz, and fought against Israel.<br /><b>21:24</b> - And Israel smote him with the edge of the sword, and possessed his land from Arnon unto Jabbok, even unto the children of Ammon: for the border of the children of Ammon was strong.<br /><b>21:25</b> - And Israel took all these cities: and Israel dwelt in all the cities of the Amorites, in Heshbon, and in all the villages thereof.<br /></div><br />How does God choose sides in times of war? The major underlying plot point of the entire Bible is that God picks favourites among his created people all depending on where you were born (Israel). We are not loved and created equal. That's literally the entire story behind the Old Testament. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:28</b> - And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?<br /><b>22:29</b> - And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.<br /><b>22:30</b> - And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.<br /><b>22:31</b> - Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.<br /><b>22:32</b> - And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? behold, I went out to withstand thee, because thy way is perverse before me:<br /><b>22:33</b> - And the ass saw me, and turned from me these three times: unless she had turned from me, surely now also I had slain thee, and saved her alive.<br /><b>22:34</b> - And Balaam said unto the angel of the LORD, I have sinned; for I knew not that thou stoodest in the way against me: now therefore, if it displease thee, I will get me back again. </div><br />Pretty intense trip, man. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:5</b> - How goodly are thy tents, O Jacob, and thy tabernacles, O Israel!<br /></div><br />Goodly? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:4</b> - And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel.<br /><b>25:5</b> - And Moses said unto the judges of Israel, Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baalpeor.<br /><b>25:6</b> - And, behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses, and in the sight of all the congregation of the children of Israel, who were weeping before the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.<br /><b>25:7</b> - And when Phinehas, the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand;<br /><b>25:8</b> - And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel.<br /><b>25:9</b> - And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. </div><br />What the hell is all this?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:9</b> - And the sons of Eliab; Nemuel, and Dathan, and Abiram. This is that Dathan and Abiram, which were famous in the congregation, who strove against Moses and against Aaron in the company of Korah, when they strove against the LORD:<br /><b>26:10</b> - And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up together with Korah, when that company died, what time the fire devoured two hundred and fifty men: and they became a sign. </div><br />In the Bible, you don’t want to become a sign. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:1</b> - And in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work: it is a day of blowing the trumpets unto you. </div><br />A trumpet day! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:6</b> - And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul;<br /><b>30:7</b> - And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand.<br /><b>30:8</b> - But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her. </div><br />Naturally, there's no male stated equivalent to this. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:17</b> - Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.<br /><b>31:18</b> - But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. </div><br />This is Moses talking after his Isralean army defeated the Midianites. He’s become insane with power! It's all God's fault! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>33:50</b> - And the LORD spake unto Moses in the plains of Moab by Jordan near Jericho, saying,<br /><b>33:51</b> - Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye are passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan;<br /><b>33:52</b> - Then ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places:<br /><b>33:53</b> - And ye shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land, and dwell therein: for I have given you the land to possess it.<br /><b>33:54</b> - And ye shall divide the land by lot for an inheritance among your families: and to the more ye shall give the more inheritance, and to the fewer ye shall give the less inheritance: every man's inheritance shall be in the place where his lot falleth; according to the tribes of your fathers ye shall inherit.<br /><b>33:55</b> - But if ye will not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you; then it shall come to pass, that those which ye let remain of them shall be pricks in your eyes, and thorns in your sides, and shall vex you in the land wherein ye dwell.<br /><b>33:56</b> - Moreover it shall come to pass, that I shall do unto you, as I thought to do unto them. </div><br />Anyone else notice how God breaks his own commandments consistently? He's above the law, sure, but still. Lead by example sometimes, maybe. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>35:19</b> - The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him.<br /></div><br />It’s ok to murder a murderer. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF DEUTERONOMY</h3><br />This one changed to first-person Moses view, which certainly was such a thrill.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:20</b> - (That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims; </div><br />It's a fantasy novel really. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:3</b> - So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.<br /><b>3:4</b> - And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan.<br /><b>3:5</b> - All these cities were fenced with high walls, gates, and bars; beside unwalled towns a great many.<br /><b>3:6</b> - And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.<br /><b>3:7</b> - But all the cattle, and the spoil of the cities, we took for a prey to ourselves. </div><br />Is this ok? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:5</b> - (I stood between the LORD and you at that time, to shew you the word of the LORD: for ye were afraid by reason of the fire, and went not up into the mount;) saying, </div><br />Is that the first use of the winky emoji in all of history?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:21</b> - Thou shalt not be affrighted at them: for the LORD thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible. </div><br />I’ll say. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:7</b> - Remember, and forget not, how thou provokedst the LORD thy God to wrath in the wilderness: from the day that thou didst depart out of the land of Egypt, until ye came unto this place, ye have been rebellious against the LORD. </div><br />From here it repeats basically the entire story over, from the beginning until now, except in a much briefer fashion. It was actually really appreciated, a quick recap, previously in The Bible. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:11</b> - Then there shall be a place which the LORD your God shall choose to cause his name to dwell there; thither shall ye bring all that I command you; your burnt offerings, and your sacrifices, your tithes, and the heave offering of your hand, and all your choice vows which ye vow unto the LORD:<br /><b>12:12</b> - And ye shall rejoice before the LORD your God, ye, and your sons, and your daughters, and your menservants, and your maidservants, and the Levite that is within your gates; forasmuch as he hath no part nor inheritance with you.<br /><b>12:13</b> - Take heed to thyself that thou offer not thy burnt offerings in every place that thou seest:<br /><b>12:14</b> - But in the place which the LORD shall choose in one of thy tribes, there thou shalt offer thy burnt offerings, and there thou shalt do all that I command thee.<br /><b>12:15</b> - Notwithstanding thou mayest kill and eat flesh in all thy gates, whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, according to the blessing of the LORD thy God which he hath given thee: the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the roebuck, and as of the hart.<br /><b>12:16</b> - Only ye shall not eat the blood; ye shall pour it upon the earth as water. </div><br />Slightly confusing, surely you could word this better? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:1</b> - Ye are the children of the LORD your God: ye shall not cut yourselves, nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead.<br /></div><br />Like... eyebrows? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:6</b> - At the mouth of two witnesses, or three witnesses, shall he that is worthy of death be put to death; but at the mouth of one witness he shall not be put to death.<br /><b>17:7</b> - The hands of the witnesses shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterward the hands of all the people. So thou shalt put the evil away from among you. </div><br />This seems like a better idea. Witnesses are a good start. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:10</b> - There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,<br /><b>18:11</b> - Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.<br /><b>18:12</b> - For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.<br /><b>18:13</b> - Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.<br /><b>18:14</b> - For these nations, which thou shalt possess, hearkened unto observers of times, and unto diviners: but as for thee, the LORD thy God hath not suffered thee so to do. </div><br />Mystical people are also not good. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:22</b> - When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him. </div><br />Fair enough. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:5</b> - And the officers shall speak unto the people, saying, What man is there that hath built a new house, and hath not dedicated it? let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man dedicate it.<br /><b>20:6</b> - And what man is he that hath planted a vineyard, and hath not yet eaten of it? let him also go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man eat of it.<br /><b>20:7</b> - And what man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her? let him go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man take her.<br /><b>20:8</b> - And the officers shall speak further unto the people, and they shall say, What man is there that is fearful and fainthearted? let him go and return unto his house, lest his brethren's heart faint as well as his heart.<br /><b>20:9</b> - And it shall be, when the officers have made an end of speaking unto the people, that they shall make captains of the armies to lead the people. </div><br />Easy ways to get out of battle! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:19</b> - When thou shalt besiege a city a long time, in making war against it to take it, thou shalt not destroy the trees thereof by forcing an axe against them: for thou mayest eat of them, and thou shalt not cut them down (for the tree of the field is man's life) to employ them in the siege: </div><br />Leave the trees alone, at least. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:10</b> - When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,<br /><b>21:11</b> - And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;<br /><b>21:12</b> - Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;<br /><b>21:13</b> - And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.<br /><b>21:14</b> - And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her. </div><br />Problematic. Can Christianity and feminism even coexist? The answer is probably not, no. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:15</b> - If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated:<br /><b>21:16</b> - Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn:<br /><b>21:17</b> - But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his. </div><br />There are quite a few issues I have with this. Pick and choose however you see fit because you're the man of the house, it's cool. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:18</b> - If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:<br /><b>21:19</b> - Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;<br /><b>21:20</b> - And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.<br /><b>21:21</b> - And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. </div><br />Haha here's some parenting 101 tips. Troublesome child? Get your city to stone him to death, and the problem shall be gone, so says your God. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:5</b> - The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.<br /></div><br />Cross-dressing is explicitedly stated as wrong right there. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:11</b> - Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together. </div><br />But why? What's it to you? How does this even bother you? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:20</b> - But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:<br /><b>22:21</b> - Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you. </div><br />Again, this isn't exactly in tune with my moral code. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:20</b> - But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:<br /><b>22:21</b> - Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.<br /><b>22:22</b> - If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.<br /><b>22:23</b> - If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;<br /><b>22:24</b> - Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.<br /><b>22:25</b> - But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die:<br /><b>22:26</b> - But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:<br /><b>22:27</b> - For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.<br /><b>22:28</b> - If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;<br /><b>22:29</b> - Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days. </div><br />A whole bunch of sex laws for ya, most of which end with your death. Although we must pay respects to <i>22:25-26</i>, which kills the rapist but not the victim. It's not her fault. As we all know, certain cultures are not quite as kind. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:18</b> - Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury:<br /><b>23:19</b> - Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury; but unto thy brother thou shalt not lend upon usury: that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all that thou settest thine hand to in the land whither thou goest to possess it. </div><br />Unsury is "the action or practice of lending money at unreasonably high rates of interest". You should already be following this anyway. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:1</b> - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.<br /><b>24:2</b> - And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.<br /><b>24:3</b> - And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;<br /><b>24:4</b> - Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.<br /><b>24:5</b> - When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken. </div><br />Some marriage laws here. It's addressed to the man, obviously, but the rules seem kinda fair in the greater scheme of things. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:22</b> - And thou shalt remember that thou wast a bondman in the land of Egypt: therefore I command thee to do this thing. </div><br />That’s the crux of the entire Old Testament right there. I am God and I did that thing for you once so now you owe me for all eternity. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:5</b> - If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. </div><br />That’s surely not the right way. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Someone who had a thing for his sister-in-law wrote that. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:11</b> - When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:<br /><b>25:12</b> - Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. </div><br />It took some Googling but this literally means that if a woman grabs you by the balls you must chop off her hand, no questions asked. HAHAHA! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28:15</b> - But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:<br /><b>28:16</b> - Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.<br /><b>28:17</b> - Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.<br /><b>28:18</b> - Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.<br /><b>28:19</b> - Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.<br /><b>28:20</b> - The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the wickedness of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken me.<br /><b>28:21</b> - The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.<br /><b>28:22</b> - The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.<br /><b>28:23</b> - And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron.<br /><b>28:24</b> - The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.<br /><b>28:25</b> - The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies: thou shalt go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them: and shalt be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth.<br /><b>28:26</b> - And thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away.<br /><b>28:27</b> - The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.<br /><b>28:28</b> - The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:<br /><b>28:29</b> - And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.<br /><b>28:30</b> - Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.<br /><b>28:31</b> - Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them.<br /><b>28:32</b> - Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long: and there shall be no might in thine hand.<br /><b>28:33</b> - The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway:<br /><b>28:34</b> - So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.<br /><b>28:35</b> - The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.<br /><b>28:36</b> - The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone.<br /><b>28:37</b> - And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.<br /><b>28:38</b> - Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather but little in; for the locust shall consume it.<br /><b>28:39</b> - Thou shalt plant vineyards, and dress them, but shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worms shall eat them.<br /><b>28:40</b> - Thou shalt have olive trees throughout all thy coasts, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olive shall cast his fruit.<br /><b>28:41</b> - Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but thou shalt not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity.<br /><b>28:42</b> - All thy trees and fruit of thy land shall the locust consume.<br /><b>28:43</b> - The stranger that is within thee shall get up above thee very high; and thou shalt come down very low.<br /><b>28:44</b> - He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him: he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.<br /><b>28:45</b> - Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee:<br /><b>28:46</b> - And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever. </div><br />Here's an extensive list of curses to get you in the mood. I probably didn't need to shove them all here, but I did and it's too late now. What's interesting is that the world has truly lost its way these days and yet none of these scary promises came true. What's up with that, God? Hello? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28:58</b> - If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD;<br /><b>28:59</b> - Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.<br /><b>28:60</b> - Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.<br /><b>28:61</b> - Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.<br /><b>28:62</b> - And ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou wouldest not obey the voice of the LORD thy God. </div><br />So you know you’re a book. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:30</b> - And Moses spake in the ears of all the congregation of Israel the words of this song, until they were ended.<br /><b>32:1</b> - Give ear, O ye heavens, and I will speak; and hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.<br /><b>32:2</b> - My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass:<br /><b>32:3</b> - Because I will publish the name of the LORD: ascribe ye greatness unto our God. </div><br />This book is a musical too! IT IS EVERYTHING!! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:13</b> - He made him ride on the high places of the earth, that he might eat the increase of the fields; and he made him to suck honey out of the rock, and oil out of the flinty rock;<br /></div><br />Suck my rock. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:21</b> - They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God; they have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation.<br /><b>32:22</b> - For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains.<br /><b>32:23</b> - I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them.<br /><b>32:24</b> - They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust.<br /><b>32:25</b> - The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs. </div><br />God is up to his nonsense again, *yawn*, it’s getting a bit repetitive, no? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:5</b> - So Moses the servant of the LORD died there in the land of Moab, according to the word of the LORD.<br /><b>34:6</b> - And he buried him in a valley in the land of Moab, over against Bethpeor: but no man knoweth of his sepulchre unto this day.<br /><b>34:7</b> - And Moses was an hundred and twenty years old when he died: his eye was not dim, nor his natural force abated.<br /><b>34:8</b> - And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days: so the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended. </div><br />Moses dies :( He rubbed me the wrong way but I had grown quite fond of him. He is the originator of everything really. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:9</b> - And Joshua the son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom; for Moses had laid his hands upon him: and the children of Israel hearkened unto him, and did as the LORD commanded Moses. </div><br />Joshua takes the lead. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:10</b> - And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face,<br /><b>34:11</b> - In all the signs and the wonders, which the LORD sent him to do in the land of Egypt to Pharaoh, and to all his servants, and to all his land,<br /><b>34:12</b> - And in all that mighty hand, and in all the great terror which Moses shewed in the sight of all Israel. </div><br />Kinda sweet send-off. Rest it Peace, Moses. Look at what you did. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF JOSHUA</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:13</b> - And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, behold, there stood a man over against him with his sword drawn in his hand: and Joshua went unto him, and said unto him, Art thou for us, or for our adversaries?<br /><b>5:14</b> - And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the LORD am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my lord unto his servant?<br /><b>5:15</b> - And the captain of the LORD'S host said unto Joshua, Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so. </div>Too easy! I could’ve said that! I am the captain of the host of the Lord! Bow to me, everyone!<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:12</b> - Then spake Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon.<br /><b>10:13</b> - And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.<br /><b>10:14</b> - And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel. </div>That’s a massive flex! He stopped the freaking spin of the Earth!!!<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:22</b> - Then said Joshua, Open the mouth of the cave, and bring out those five kings unto me out of the cave.<br /><b>10:23</b> - And they did so, and brought forth those five kings unto him out of the cave, the king of Jerusalem, the king of Hebron, the king of Jarmuth, the king of Lachish, and the king of Eglon.<br /><b>10:24</b> - And it came to pass, when they brought out those kings unto Joshua, that Joshua called for all the men of Israel, and said unto the captains of the men of war which went with him, Come near, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. And they came near, and put their feet upon the necks of them.<br /><b>10:25</b> - And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight.<br /><b>10:26</b> - And afterward Joshua smote them, and slew them, and hanged them on five trees: and they were hanging upon the trees until the evening.<br /><b>10:27</b> - And it came to pass at the time of the going down of the sun, that Joshua commanded, and they took them down off the trees, and cast them into the cave wherein they had been hid, and laid great stones in the cave's mouth, which remain until this very day. </div>So much has been going on in Bible land lately, but basically, Israel are still killing people all over. There has been some resistance and other regions are fighting back, but they're no match and Israel are wiping them out swiftly using the power of GOD (and weapons).<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:18</b> - Joshua made war a long time with all those kings.<br /><b>11:19</b> - There was not a city that made peace with the children of Israel, save the Hivites the inhabitants of Gibeon: all other they took in battle.<br /><b>11:20</b> - For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly, and that they might have no favour, but that he might destroy them, as the LORD commanded Moses. </div>Once again, this is what bothers me. God makes the enemies then tells Israel to kill them. We are nothing but a theatre production to him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:1</b> - Now Joshua was old and stricken in years; and the LORD said unto him, Thou art old and stricken in years, and there remaineth yet very much land to be possessed. </div>Harsh, bro. Following this was pages upon pages of boring inheritance information for the tribes who had done well in battle.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:43</b> - And the LORD gave unto Israel all the land which he sware to give unto their fathers; and they possessed it, and dwelt therein. </div>I don't even want to tell you how many pages it took to detail this zzzzzz.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:1</b> - And Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God.<br /><b>24:2</b> - And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.<br /><b>24:3</b> - And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.<br /><b>24:4</b> - And I gave unto Isaac Jacob and Esau: and I gave unto Esau mount Seir, to possess it; but Jacob and his children went down into Egypt.<br /><b>24:5</b> - I sent Moses also and Aaron, and I plagued Egypt, according to that which I did among them: and afterward I brought you out.<br /><b>24:6</b> - And I brought your fathers out of Egypt: and ye came unto the sea; and the Egyptians pursued after your fathers with chariots and horsemen unto the Red sea.<br /><b>24:7</b> - And when they cried unto the LORD, he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, and brought the sea upon them, and covered them; and your eyes have seen what I have done in Egypt: and ye dwelt in the wilderness a long season.<br /><b>24:8</b> - And I brought you into the land of the Amorites, which dwelt on the other side Jordan; and they fought with you: and I gave them into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you.<br /><b>24:9</b> - Then Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, arose and warred against Israel, and sent and called Balaam the son of Beor to curse you:<br /><b>24:10</b> - But I would not hearken unto Balaam; therefore he blessed you still: so I delivered you out of his hand.<br /><b>24:11</b> - And ye went over Jordan, and came unto Jericho: and the men of Jericho fought against you, the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Girgashites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; and I delivered them into your hand.<br /><b>24:12</b> - And I sent the hornet before you, which drave them out from before you, even the two kings of the Amorites; but not with thy sword, nor with thy bow.<br /><b>24:13</b> - And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and oliveyards which ye planted not do ye eat. </div>Here's a superfast summary of the whole story thus far.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:29</b> - And it came to pass after these things, that Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.<br /></div>And there goes Josh, bye!<br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF JUDGES</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:2</b> - And the LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand.<br /></div><br />Judah takes the lead <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:4</b> - And Judah went up; and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men.<br /><b>1:5</b> - And they found Adonibezek in Bezek: and they fought against him, and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites.<br /><b>1:6</b> - But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes. </div><br />Judah wasting no time with his power here, yuck. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:14</b> - And it came to pass, when she came to him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted from off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wilt thou? </div><br />It sounds sexy but it's not, she's just getting off her donkey. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:15</b> - But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab. <br /><b>3:16</b> - But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.<br /><b>3:17</b> - And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man. </div><br />I love how left-handed was somehow important enough to mention, and I love a good fat man. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:21</b> - And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:<br /><b>3:22</b> - And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out. </div><br />Graphic radness. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:18</b> - And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not. And when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.<br /><b>4:19</b> - And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.<br /><b>4:20</b> - Again he said unto her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be, when any man doth come and enquire of thee, and say, Is there any man here? that thou shalt say, No.<br /><b>4:21</b> - Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died. </div><br />That’s one surefire way to get it done! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:24</b> - Blessed above women shall Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite be, blessed shall she be above women in the tent.<br /><b>5:25</b> - He asked water, and she gave him milk; she brought forth butter in a lordly dish.<br /><b>5:26</b> - She put her hand to the nail, and her right hand to the workmen's hammer; and with the hammer she smote Sisera, she smote off his head, when she had pierced and stricken through his temples.<br /><b>5:27</b> - At her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay down: at her feet he bowed, he fell: where he bowed, there he fell down dead. </div><br />So God wanted that one then. Ok cool. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:11</b> - And there came an angel of the LORD, and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, that pertained unto Joash the Abiezrite: and his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites.<br /><b>6:12</b> - And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valour.<br /><b>6:13</b> - And Gideon said unto him, Oh my Lord, if the LORD be with us, why then is all this befallen us? and where be all his miracles which our fathers told us of, saying, Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt? but now the LORD hath forsaken us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites.<br /><b>6:14</b> - And the LORD looked upon him, and said, Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: have not I sent thee? </div><br />So Gideon is the guy for the job. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:4</b> - And the LORD said unto Gideon, The people are yet too many; bring them down unto the water, and I will try them for thee there: and it shall be, that of whom I say unto thee, This shall go with thee, the same shall go with thee; and of whomsoever I say unto thee, This shall not go with thee, the same shall not go.<br /><b>7:5</b> - So he brought down the people unto the water: and the LORD said unto Gideon, Every one that lappeth of the water with his tongue, as a dog lappeth, him shalt thou set by himself; likewise every one that boweth down upon his knees to drink.<br /><b>7:6</b> - And the number of them that lapped, putting their hand to their mouth, were three hundred men: but all the rest of the people bowed down upon their knees to drink water.<br /><b>7:7</b> - And the LORD said unto Gideon, By the three hundred men that lapped will I save you, and deliver the Midianites into thine hand: and let all the other people go every man unto his place. </div><br />An interesting method of selecting an army, but whatever. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:32</b> - And Gideon the son of Joash died in a good old age, and was buried in the sepulchre of Joash his father, in Ophrah of the Abiezrites. </div><br />That was quick! Why no age included? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:13</b> - Yet ye have forsaken me, and served other gods: wherefore I will deliver you no more.<br /><b>10:14</b> - Go and cry unto the gods which ye have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your tribulation. </div><br />Another bratty God response. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:2</b> - And there was a certain man of Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren, and bare not.<br /><b>13:3</b> - And the angel of the LORD appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, Behold now, thou art barren, and bearest not: but thou shalt conceive, and bear a son.<br /><b>13:4</b> - Now therefore beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing:<br /><b>13:5</b> - For, lo, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines. </div><br />Ooooh, here comes the big strong boy! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:18</b> - And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret? </div><br />It is a secret, stop asking. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:22</b> - And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God. </div><br />Actually a very fair assumption considering what happened to almost everyone else in The Bible. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:24</b> - And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him.<br /></div><br />He's here! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:5</b> - Then went Samson down, and his father and his mother, to Timnath, and came to the vineyards of Timnath: and, behold, a young lion roared against him.<br /><b>13:6</b> - And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid, and he had nothing in his hand: but he told not his father or his mother what he had done.<br /><b>13:7</b> - And he went down, and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well.<br /><b>13:8</b> - And after a time he returned to take her, and he turned aside to see the carcase of the lion: and, behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcase of the lion.<br /><b>13:9</b> - And he took thereof in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother, and he gave them, and they did eat: but he told not them that he had taken the honey out of the carcase of the lion. </div><br />This is the Bible stuff I like, super whack and imaginative. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:4</b> - And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails.<br /><b>15:5</b> - And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards and olives.<br /><b>15:6</b> - Then the Philistines said, Who hath done this? And they answered, Samson, the son in law of the Timnite, because he had taken his wife, and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.<br /><b>15:7</b> - And Samson said unto them, Though ye have done this, yet will I be avenged of you, and after that I will cease.<br /><b>15:8</b> - And he smote them hip and thigh with a great slaughter: and he went down and dwelt in the top of the rock Etam. </div><br />Pretty fast pacing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:13</b> - And they spake unto him, saying, No; but we will bind thee fast, and deliver thee into their hand: but surely we will not kill thee. And they bound him with two new cords, and brought him up from the rock.<br /><b>15:14</b> - And when he came unto Lehi, the Philistines shouted against him: and the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and the cords that were upon his arms became as flax that was burnt with fire, and his bands loosed from off his hands.<br /><b>15:15</b> - And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith.<br /><b>15:16</b> - And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men. </div><br />Samson is so badass. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:4</b> - And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.<br /><b>16:5</b> - And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him: and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver.<br /><b>16:6</b> - And Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee.<br /><b>16:7</b> - And Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.<br /><b>16:8</b> - Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them.<br /><b>16:9</b> - Now there were men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber. And she said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known.<br /><b>16:10</b> - And Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound. </div><br />This chick pulls this game a few times, it's so obvious that she's selling him out, Samson is a fool! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:15</b> - And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.<br /><b>16:16</b> - And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;<br /><b>16:17</b> - That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.<br /><b>16:18</b> - And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand.<br /><b>16:19</b> - And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.<br /><b>16:20</b> - And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.<br /><b>16:21</b> - But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house.<br /></div><br />Fool! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:30</b> - And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life. </div><br />So God gave him just enough of his strength back so that he could pull the pillars down and kill himself with everyone else. Cool? This story does seem quite pointless but I enjoyed it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19:24</b> - Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing.<br /><b>19:25</b> - But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.<br /><b>19:26</b> - Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light.<br /><b>19:27</b> - And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.<br /><b>19:28</b> - And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.<br /><b>19:29</b> - And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel. </div><br />Omg, this poor girl! So brutal and undeserved. A lot of people die because of all of this too. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>BOOK OF RUTH</h3><br /> This is a super short chapter about Ruth who decides that the Israel God is the true Lord. Kinda useless but apparently some people reckon she's some sort of a female icon, so each to their own.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:7</b> - Now this was the manner in former time in Israel concerning redeeming and concerning changing, for to confirm all things; a man plucked off his shoe, and gave it to his neighbour: and this was a testimony in Israel. </div><br />I don't see how that helps anyone. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE FIRST BOOK OF SAMUEL</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:19</b> - And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground.<br /><b>3:20</b> - And all Israel from Dan even to Beersheba knew that Samuel was established to be a prophet of the LORD. </div><br />Samuel takes the torch. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:9</b> - Be strong, and quit yourselves like men, O ye Philistines, that ye be not servants unto the Hebrews, as they have been to you: quit yourselves like men, and fight. </div><br />I didn’t realise that quitting myself was an option. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:18</b> - And it came to pass, when he made mention of the ark of God, that he fell from off the seat backward by the side of the gate, and his neck brake, and he died: for he was an old man, and heavy. And he had judged Israel forty years. </div><br />Eli dies here. He was Samuel's guardian. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:2</b> - And he had a son, whose name was Saul, a choice young man, and a goodly: and there was not among the children of Israel a goodlier person than he: from his shoulders and upward he was higher than any of the people. </div><br />Israel demanded a king and Saul became that now because he was a goodlier person. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:15</b> - Now the LORD had told Samuel in his ear a day before Saul came, saying,<br /><b>9:16</b> - To morrow about this time I will send thee a man out of the land of Benjamin, and thou shalt anoint him to be captain over my people Israel, that he may save my people out of the hand of the Philistines: for I have looked upon my people, because their cry is come unto me.<br /><b>9:17</b> - And when Samuel saw Saul, the LORD said unto him, Behold the man whom I spake to thee of! this same shall reign over my people. </div><br />A friendly meet. Saul is super important in this book, just by the way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:13</b> - And Samuel said to Saul, Thou hast done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the LORD thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the LORD have established thy kingdom upon Israel for ever.<br /><b>13:14</b> - But now thy kingdom shall not continue: the LORD hath sought him a man after his own heart, and the LORD hath commanded him to be captain over his people, because thou hast not kept that which the LORD commanded thee. </div><br />I have failed you here and my notes got a bit lost. Saul made some sort of an offering which was wrong? Or something. Saul still remains king though, so I'm unsure what this threat was about. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:24</b> - And the men of Israel were distressed that day: for Saul had adjured the people, saying, Cursed be the man that eateth any food until evening, that I may be avenged on mine enemies. So none of the people tasted any food.<br /><b>14:25</b> - And all they of the land came to a wood; and there was honey upon the ground.<br /><b>14:26</b> - And when the people were come into the wood, behold, the honey dropped; but no man put his hand to his mouth: for the people feared the oath.<br /><b>14:27</b> - But Jonathan heard not when his father charged the people with the oath: wherefore he put forth the end of the rod that was in his hand, and dipped it in an honeycomb, and put his hand to his mouth; and his eyes were enlightened.<br /><b>14:28</b> - Then answered one of the people, and said, Thy father straitly charged the people with an oath, saying, Cursed be the man that eateth any food this day. And the people were faint.<br /><b>14:29</b> - Then said Jonathan, My father hath troubled the land: see, I pray you, how mine eyes have been enlightened, because I tasted a little of this honey. </div><br />Jonathan broke Saul's "no food" rule but because he was Saul’s son, he wasn’t punished for this. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:35</b> - And Samuel came no more to see Saul until the day of his death: nevertheless Samuel mourned for Saul: and the LORD repented that he had made Saul king over Israel.<br /></div><br />Samuel and Saul had a fallout but, even more importantly, God is not infallible when it comes to his decision making. Weirdly, Saul kinda keeps going from here, not sure how the chronological ordering works. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:4</b> - And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span.<br /><b>17:5</b> - And he had an helmet of brass upon his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail; and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of brass.<br /><b>17:6</b> - And he had greaves of brass upon his legs, and a target of brass between his shoulders.<br /><b>17:7</b> - And the staff of his spear was like a weaver's beam; and his spear's head weighed six hundred shekels of iron: and one bearing a shield went before him.<br /><b>17:8</b> - And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? am not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.<br /><b>17:9</b> - If he be able to fight with me, and to kill me, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us. </div><br />A big boi has arrived on the scene. Goliath! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:48</b> - And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came and drew nigh to meet David, that David hasted, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.<br /><b>17:49</b> - And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.<br /><b>17:50</b> - So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.<br /><b>17:51</b> - Therefore David ran, and stood upon the Philistine, and took his sword, and drew it out of the sheath thereof, and slew him, and cut off his head therewith. And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled. </div><br />David vs. Goliath. Do you get a more classic Bible story? I didn't know about the chopping-off-head part! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:7</b> - And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.<br /><b>18:8</b> - And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?<br /><b>18:9</b> - And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. </div><br />Saul becomes jealous of David's awesomeness and popularity. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:25</b> - And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. </div><br />A hundred foreskins! Imagine. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:27</b> - Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.<br /></div><br />He freaking did it too. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:2</b> - Then Saul took three thousand chosen men out of all Israel, and went to seek David and his men upon the rocks of the wild goats.<br /><b>24:3</b> - And he came to the sheepcotes by the way, where was a cave; and Saul went in to cover his feet: and David and his men remained in the sides of the cave.<br /><b>24:4</b> - And the men of David said unto him, Behold the day of which the LORD said unto thee, Behold, I will deliver thine enemy into thine hand, that thou mayest do to him as it shall seem good unto thee. Then David arose, and cut off the skirt of Saul's robe privily.<br /><b>24:5</b> - And it came to pass afterward, that David's heart smote him, because he had cut off Saul's skirt.<br /><b>24:6</b> - And he said unto his men, The LORD forbid that I should do this thing unto my master, the LORD'S anointed, to stretch forth mine hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the LORD. </div><br />So basically Saul has been chasing David for ages, full intent of killing him. But the tables turned and David got his chance to kill Saul instead. But he didn't! Now that's the holy man we deserve. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:9</b> - And David said to Saul, Wherefore hearest thou men's words, saying, Behold, David seeketh thy hurt?<br /><b>24:10</b> - Behold, this day thine eyes have seen how that the LORD had delivered thee to day into mine hand in the cave: and some bade me kill thee: but mine eye spared thee; and I said, I will not put forth mine hand against my lord; for he is the LORD'S anointed.<br /><b>24:11</b> - Moreover, my father, see, yea, see the skirt of thy robe in my hand: for in that I cut off the skirt of thy robe, and killed thee not, know thou and see that there is neither evil nor transgression in mine hand, and I have not sinned against thee; yet thou huntest my soul to take it.<br /><b>24:12</b> - The LORD judge between me and thee, and the LORD avenge me of thee: but mine hand shall not be upon thee.<br /><b>24:13</b> - As saith the proverb of the ancients, Wickedness proceedeth from the wicked: but mine hand shall not be upon thee.<br /><b>24:14</b> - After whom is the king of Israel come out? after whom dost thou pursue? after a dead dog, after a flea.<br /><b>24:15</b> - The LORD therefore be judge, and judge between me and thee, and see, and plead my cause, and deliver me out of thine hand. </div><br />You see? David is legit the first worthwhile person in this book. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:16</b> - And it came to pass, when David had made an end of speaking these words unto Saul, that Saul said, Is this thy voice, my son David? And Saul lifted up his voice, and wept.<br /><b>24:17</b> - And he said to David, Thou art more righteous than I: for thou hast rewarded me good, whereas I have rewarded thee evil.<br /><b>24:18</b> - And thou hast shewed this day how that thou hast dealt well with me: forasmuch as when the LORD had delivered me into thine hand, thou killedst me not.<br /><b>24:19</b> - For if a man find his enemy, will he let him go well away? wherefore the LORD reward thee good for that thou hast done unto me this day. </div><br />You see, this is really good stuff. This is what Christianity is all about (even if it predates Christ, whatever). <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:1</b> - And Samuel died; and all the Israelites were gathered together, and lamented him, and buried him in his house at Ramah. And David arose, and went down to the wilderness of Paran.<br /></div><br />Samuel gone. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>27:9</b> - And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive, and took away the sheep, and the oxen, and the asses, and the camels, and the apparel, and returned, and came to Achish.<br /></div><br />So it turns out I was wrong and David was as much as a dick as everyone else. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28:8</b> - And Saul disguised himself, and put on other raiment, and he went, and two men with him, and they came to the woman by night: and he said, I pray thee, divine unto me by the familiar spirit, and bring me him up, whom I shall name unto thee.<br /><b>28:8</b> - And the woman said unto him, Behold, thou knowest what Saul hath done, how he hath cut off those that have familiar spirits, and the wizards, out of the land: wherefore then layest thou a snare for my life, to cause me to die?<br /><b>28:8</b> - And Saul sware to her by the LORD, saying, As the LORD liveth, there shall no punishment happen to thee for this thing.<br /><b>28:8</b> - Then said the woman, Whom shall I bring up unto thee? And he said, Bring me up Samuel.<br /><b>28:8</b> - And when the woman saw Samuel, she cried with a loud voice: and the woman spake to Saul, saying, Why hast thou deceived me? for thou art Saul.<br /><b>28:8</b> - And the king said unto her, Be not afraid: for what sawest thou? And the woman said unto Saul, I saw gods ascending out of the earth.<br /><b>28:8</b> - And he said unto her, What form is he of? And she said, An old man cometh up; and he is covered with a mantle. And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground, and bowed himself.<br /><b>28:8</b> - And Samuel said to Saul, Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up? And Saul answered, I am sore distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God is departed from me, and answereth me no more, neither by prophets, nor by dreams: therefore I have called thee, that thou mayest make known unto me what I shall do. </div><br />This is a very controversial piece because the "woman by the night" (a witch) called upon Samuel's spirit from the afterlife using magic. Some denominations have had trouble working around this concept. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:3</b> - And the battle went sore against Saul, and the archers hit him; and he was sore wounded of the archers.<br /><b>31:4</b> - Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it.<br /><b>31:5</b> - And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.<br /><b>31:6</b> - So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armourbearer, and all his men, that same day together.<br /><b>31:7</b> - And when the men of Israel that were on the other side of the valley, and they that were on the other side Jordan, saw that the men of Israel fled, and that Saul and his sons were dead, they forsook the cities, and fled; and the Philistines came and dwelt in them. </div><br />Saul dies in a fittingly dramatic way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:8</b> - And it came to pass on the morrow, when the Philistines came to strip the slain, that they found Saul and his three sons fallen in mount Gilboa.<br /><b>31:9</b> - And they cut off his head, and stripped off his armour, and sent into the land of the Philistines round about, to publish it in the house of their idols, and among the people. </div><br />A bit excessive but ok. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE SECOND BOOK OF SAMUEL</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:4</b> - And the men of Judah came, and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. And they told David, saying, That the men of Jabeshgilead were they that buried Saul.<br /></div><br />David is the king now, and rightfully so, in many ways. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:3</b> - So all the elders of Israel came to the king to Hebron; and king David made a league with them in Hebron before the LORD: and they anointed David king over Israel.<br /><b>5:4</b> - David was thirty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned forty years. </div><br />Damn overachievers. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:6</b> - And when they came to Nachon's threshingfloor, Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. <br /><b>6:7</b> - And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ark of God. </div><br />I've been ignoring this ark for the longest time, but eventually, its importance grew so large that I have no choice but to let you in on it now. Basically, they made this gold-covered wooden chest (designed from a Moses vision) and it's super freaking holy. Of course, no one quite knows where it is today, with many regions claiming that they currently possess the original. It's the main plot device in Raiders of the Lost Ark too. Anyways, some Uzzah touched it here so he died, just to give you an idea. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:14</b> - And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.<br /><b>6:15</b> - So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.<br /><b>6:16</b> -And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart. </div><br />This amused me. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:4</b> - Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.<br /></div><br />So disrespectful. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:2</b> - And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.<br /><b>11:3</b> - And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?<br /><b>11:4</b> - And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house. </div><br />This is often considered the part where David sinned the hardest. This is a direct and literal violation of the "you shall not covet your neighbour's wife" commandment. So naughty! He's already married like five women by this point, btw. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:15</b> - And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die.<br /><b>11:16</b> - And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were.<br /><b>11:17</b> - And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also. </div><br />So this is how King David solved the problem of Bathsheba's husband. He sent him to the frontline of most hardcore battle he knew of and, obviously, it worked. The guy died, leaving Bathsheba free for his pickings. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:26</b> - And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.<br /><b>11:27</b> - And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. </div><br />What a soapie. Such an alpha move though, I almost respect it. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:9</b> - Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon.<br /><b>12:10</b> - Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.<br /><b>12:11</b> - Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun.<br /><b>12:12</b> - For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun. </div><br />God decides to act against David and his horny ways. David must be shitting himself at this point. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:14</b> - Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die.<br /><b>12:15</b> - And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick. </div><br />There we go, God strikes one of his signature moves: murder an infant. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:18</b> - And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead?<br /><b>12:19</b> - But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. </div><br />This is not a game, boy. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:20</b> - Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.<br /><b>12:21</b> - Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread.<br /><b>12:22</b> - And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?<br /><b>12:23</b> - But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. </div><br />Sound logic. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:11</b> - And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.<br /><b>13:12</b> - And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.<br /><b>13:13</b> - And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.<br /><b>13:14</b> - Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. </div><br />Meanwhile, this guy rapes his sister (Amnon was his name-o). <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:26</b> - And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year's end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king's weight.<br /></div><br />Smiley emoticon. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:9</b> - And Absalom met the servants of David. And Absalom rode upon a mule, and the mule went under the thick boughs of a great oak, and his head caught hold of the oak, and he was taken up between the heaven and the earth; and the mule that was under him went away.<br /></div><br />Surely there’s an easier way of saying this. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:9</b> - And Joab said to Amasa, Art thou in health, my brother? And Joab took Amasa by the beard with the right hand to kiss him.<br /><b>20:10</b> - But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab's hand: so he smote him therewith in the fifth rib, and shed out his bowels to the ground, and struck him not again; and he died. So Joab and Abishai his brother pursued after Sheba the son of Bichri. </div><br />Harsh times are harsh. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:1</b> - Then there was a famine in the days of David three years, year after year; and David enquired of the LORD. And the LORD answered, It is for Saul, and for his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites. </div><br />Haha. God is blaming Saul even though he’s dead. Saul started it! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:20</b> - And there was yet a battle in Gath, where was a man of great stature, that had on every hand six fingers, and on every foot six toes, four and twenty in number; and he also was born to the giant.<br /><b>21:21</b> - And when he defied Israel, Jonathan the son of Shimea the brother of David slew him. </div><br />Way to introduce a super cool character then kill him one sentence later. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE FIRST BOOK OF KINGS</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:1</b> - Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.<br /><b>1:2</b> - Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.<br /><b>1:3</b> - So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.<br /><b>1:4</b> - And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not. </div><br />David is dying but what a way to go! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:10</b> - So David slept with his fathers, and was buried in the city of David. </div><br />For the record, "sleeping with your fathers" in Bible talk means that you've died. They say this a lot. It has nothing to do with banging your daddy. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:5</b> - In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee. </div><br />God appears like a genie. So just to summarise the next bits: Solomon (David's one son) asks for wisdom, and this answer impresses God so much that he gives Solomon wisdom as well as riches as well as the crown. Solomon is now king. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:11</b> - And God said unto him, Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life; neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies; but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment;<br /><b>3:12</b> - Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee.<br /><b>3:13</b> - And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches, and honour: so that there shall not be any among the kings like unto thee all thy days.<br /><b>3:14</b> - And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days.<br /><b>3:15</b> - And Solomon awoke; and, behold, it was a dream. And he came to Jerusalem, and stood before the ark of the covenant of the LORD, and offered up burnt offerings, and offered peace offerings, and made a feast to all his servants. </div><br />So this is basically what I said above, soz, spoilers. Of course, it was all a dream in the end. Or was it? It wasn't. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:16</b> - Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him.<br /><b>3:17</b> - And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house.<br /><b>3:18</b> - And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house.<br /><b>3:19</b> - And this woman's child died in the night; because she overlaid it.<br /><b>3:20</b> - And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom.<br /><b>3:21</b> - And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.<br /><b>3:22</b> - And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king.<br /><b>3:23</b> - Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.<br /><b>3:24</b> - And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.<br /><b>3:25</b> - And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.<br /><b>3:26</b> - Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.<br /><b>3:27</b> - Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.<br /><b>3:28</b> - And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment. </div><br />This is long but totally worth the read. It's a great story and also a killer move on Solomon's part, I like him already. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:14</b> - So Solomon built the house, and finished it.<br /></div><br />Pages upon pages of home improvement details follow this. Gosh, this book has everything! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:1</b> - And when the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon concerning the name of the LORD, she came to prove him with hard questions.<br /><b>10:2</b> - And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart.<br /><b>10:3</b> - And Solomon told her all her questions: there was not any thing hid from the king, which he told her not.<br /><b>10:4</b> - And when the queen of Sheba had seen all Solomon's wisdom, and the house that he had built,<br /><b>10:5</b> - And the meat of his table, and the sitting of his servants, and the attendance of his ministers, and their apparel, and his cupbearers, and his ascent by which he went up unto the house of the LORD; there was no more spirit in her.<br /><b>10:6</b> - And she said to the king, It was a true report that I heard in mine own land of thy acts and of thy wisdom.<br /><b>10:7</b> - Howbeit I believed not the words, until I came, and mine eyes had seen it: and, behold, the half was not told me: thy wisdom and prosperity exceedeth the fame which I heard.<br /><b>10:8</b> - Happy are thy men, happy are these thy servants, which stand continually before thee, and that hear thy wisdom.<br /><b>10:9</b> - Blessed be the LORD thy God, which delighted in thee, to set thee on the throne of Israel: because the LORD loved Israel for ever, therefore made he thee king, to do judgment and justice. </div><br />Solomon gets a five-star review from the Queen of Sheba. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:14</b> - Now the weight of gold that came to Solomon in one year was six hundred threescore and six talents of gold,<br /><b>10:15</b> - Beside that he had of the merchantmen, and of the traffick of the spice merchants, and of all the kings of Arabia, and of the governors of the country.<br /><b>10:16</b> - And king Solomon made two hundred targets of beaten gold: six hundred shekels of gold went to one target.<br /><b>10:17</b> - And he made three hundred shields of beaten gold; three pound of gold went to one shield: and the king put them in the house of the forest of Lebanon.<br /><b>10:18</b> - Moreover the king made a great throne of ivory, and overlaid it with the best gold.<br /><b>10:19</b> - The throne had six steps, and the top of the throne was round behind: and there were stays on either side on the place of the seat, and two lions stood beside the stays.<br /><b>10:20</b> - And twelve lions stood there on the one side and on the other upon the six steps: there was not the like made in any kingdom.<br /><b>10:21</b> - And all king Solomon's drinking vessels were of gold, and all the vessels of the house of the forest of Lebanon were of pure gold; none were of silver: it was nothing accounted of in the days of Solomon. </div><br />Solomon’s gold! That's a thing! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:1</b> - But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;<br /><b>11:2</b> - Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.<br /><b>11:3</b> - And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. </div><br />Playa! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:6</b> - And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father.<br /></div><br />Like father like son. God got mad again and made a bunch of enemies for Solomon to deal with. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:41</b> - Wherefore the LORD said unto Solomon, Forasmuch as this is done of thee, and thou hast not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded thee, I will surely rend the kingdom from thee, and will give it to thy servant.<br /><b>11:42</b> - Notwithstanding in thy days I will not do it for David thy father's sake: but I will rend it out of the hand of thy son.<br /><b>11:43</b> - Howbeit I will not rend away all the kingdom; but will give one tribe to thy son for David my servant's sake, and for Jerusalem's sake which I have chosen. </div><br />God is super fickle. He'll like you but as soon as you get on his bad side, you will lose it all. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:10</b> - And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins.<br /><b>12:11</b> - And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. </div><br />Rehoboam becomes king and he’s a right meanie. He lasted 18 verses before they stoned him to death. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:10</b> - Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.<br /></div><br />Pisseth? LOL! Jeroboam was the next king but God wasn’t keen on him either and he died shortly after this. Kings fly past at high speeds from here onwards for a while, including Asa who seemed like a nice dude. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:10</b> - So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.<br /><b>17:11</b> - And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand.<br /><b>17:12</b> - And she said, As the LORD thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.<br /><b>17:13</b> - And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. </div><br />This is a decent comedy dialogue. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:18</b> - And he answered, I have not troubled Israel; but thou, and thy father's house, in that ye have forsaken the commandments of the LORD, and thou hast followed Baalim.<br /><b>18:19</b> - Now therefore send, and gather to me all Israel unto mount Carmel, and the prophets of Baal four hundred and fifty, and the prophets of the groves four hundred, which eat at Jezebel's table. </div><br />Baalim/Baal is a Middle Eastern diety worshipped primarily by the Canaanites, so now you know God doesn't like him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:25</b> - And Elijah said unto the prophets of Baal, Choose you one bullock for yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name of your gods, but put no fire under.<br /><b>18:26</b> - And they took the bullock which was given them, and they dressed it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped upon the altar which was made.<br /><b>18:27</b> - And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.<br /><b>18:28</b> - And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them. </div><br />Hectic! Basically, Elijah challenged Ball worshipers to cook their meat without fire. They couldn't do it, but Elijah did it. Then the prophets of Baal freaked out and self-mutilated in a panic. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:35</b> - And a certain man of the sons of the prophets said unto his neighbour in the word of the LORD, Smite me, I pray thee. And the man refused to smite him.<br /><b>20:36</b> - Then said he unto him, Because thou hast not obeyed the voice of the LORD, behold, as soon as thou art departed from me, a lion shall slay thee. And as soon as he was departed from him, a lion found him, and slew him. </div><br />A prophetic man orders someone to kill him but the man refuses. So the prophet dude curses this guy to be murdered by a lion, and so he is. What a lose/lose deal, which the Bible excels at. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:14</b> - Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned, and is dead.<br /></div><br />Pot kills. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:37</b> - So the king died, and was brought to Samaria; and they buried the king in Samaria.<br /><b>22:38</b> - And one washed the chariot in the pool of Samaria; and the dogs licked up his blood; and they washed his armour; according unto the word of the LORD which he spake. </div><br />Ahab is the king who died here. Grossy bit about the dogs. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE SECOND BOOK OF KINGS</h3><br />My eyes grew very heavy near the end of this one.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:10</b> - And Elijah answered and said to the captain of fifty, If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty.<br /></div><br />Elijah is a pretty big player here. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:1</b> - And it came to pass, when the LORD would take up Elijah into heaven by a whirlwind, that Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal.<br /></div><br />This is the first and only time anyone got into Heaven this way. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:23</b> - And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.<br /><b>2:24</b> - And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them. </div><br />Haha, woah, Elisha. Because of a bald joke? No one man should have all that power. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:31</b> - And Gehazi passed on before them, and laid the staff upon the face of the child; but there was neither voice, nor hearing. Wherefore he went again to meet him, and told him, saying, The child is not awaked.<br /><b>4:32</b> - And when Elisha was come into the house, behold, the child was dead, and laid upon his bed.<br /><b>4:33</b> - He went in therefore, and shut the door upon them twain, and prayed unto the LORD.<br /><b>4:34</b> - And he went up, and lay upon the child, and put his mouth upon his mouth, and his eyes upon his eyes, and his hands upon his hands: and he stretched himself upon the child; and the flesh of the child waxed warm.<br /><b>4:35</b> - Then he returned, and walked in the house to and fro; and went up, and stretched himself upon him: and the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. </div><br />Raising dead children. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:42</b> - And there came a man from Baalshalisha, and brought the man of God bread of the firstfruits, twenty loaves of barley, and full ears of corn in the husk thereof. And he said, Give unto the people, that they may eat.<br /><b>4:43</b> - And his servitor said, What, should I set this before an hundred men? He said again, Give the people, that they may eat: for thus saith the LORD, They shall eat, and shall leave thereof.<br /><b>4:44</b> - So he set it before them, and they did eat, and left thereof, according to the word of the LORD. </div><br />Check out Elisha! Perfoming Jesus tricks before Jesus! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:5</b> - But as one was felling a beam, the axe head fell into the water: and he cried, and said, Alas, master! for it was borrowed.<br /><b>6:6</b> - And the man of God said, Where fell it? And he shewed him the place. And he cut down a stick, and cast it in thither; and the iron did swim.<br /><b>6:7</b> - Therefore said he, Take it up to thee. And he put out his hand, and took it. </div><br />And the award for the most boring miracle goes to... <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:28</b> - And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son to morrow.<br /><b>6:29</b> - So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son. </div><br />Brutal. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:22</b> - And it came to pass, when Joram saw Jehu, that he said, Is it peace, Jehu? And he answered, What peace, so long as the whoredoms of thy mother Jezebel and her witchcrafts are so many? </div><br />Buuuurn! Is this the first "your mama was a whore" insult ever? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:21 </b> - Seven years old was Jehoash when he began to reign. <br /></div><br />I can’t even tell you how many kings have come and gone but this kid seems interesting <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:18</b> - And the rest of the acts of Amaziah, are they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Judah? </div><br />They refer to this a lot! It's an actual book which still exists today. Some people theorise that it was the main resource for the Bible's chronology, which is interesting. Oh, and Elisha died recently, btw. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:8</b> - And Hilkiah the high priest said unto Shaphan the scribe, I have found the book of the law in the house of the LORD. And Hilkiah gave the book to Shaphan, and he read it. </div><br />This sounds fishy but it was a big deal in the timeline of events. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE FIRST BOOK OF CHRONICLES</h3><br />Ok, like, wow. This book actually starts from the beginning of the whole Bible and maps out every single person and their family timeline, from Adam all the way until now, just one unreasonably long list which has got to be like a thousand names strong.<br />Once again, it is detailed inclusions like these which work in the Bible's favour. For, if this is indeed a fictional tale, then at very least they've gone all out to make it seem legit. <br />But while these verses are fantastic for reasons of reference, they are somewhat pointless otherwise (and futile to document here). That said, even if you just read this book of chronicles alone, you'd come away with almost everything you'd need to start an argument.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:9</b> - And when they came unto the threshingfloor of Chidon, Uzza put forth his hand to hold the ark; for the oxen stumbled.<br /><b>13:10</b> - And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzza, and he smote him, because he put his hand to the ark: and there he died before God. </div><br />I made note of this one before but it bears repeating: wtf. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:1</b> - And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel. </div><br />I think this is the first namedrop of the Dark Lord, hail Satan! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:11</b> - So Gad came to David, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Choose thee<br /><b>21:12</b> - Either three years' famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes, while that the sword of thine enemies overtaketh thee; or else three days the sword of the LORD, even the pestilence, in the land, and the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the coasts of Israel. Now therefore advise thyself what word I shall bring again to him that sent me.<br /><b>21:13</b> - And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let me fall now into the hand of the LORD; for very great are his mercies: but let me not fall into the hand of man.<br /><b>21:14</b> - So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men. </div><br />Choose your own adventure. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:1</b> - Moreover David and the captains of the host separated to the service of the sons of Asaph, and of Heman, and of Jeduthun, who should prophesy with harps, with psalteries, and with cymbals: and the number of the workmen according to their service was: </div><br />Musicians are special! The Bible says so! Right there! <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE SECOND BOOK OF CHRONICLES</h3><br /> The second book takes it from Solomon again.<br />These chronicles are weird because there are so many names and events flying past you at a much faster rate that I get confused whether I've read it all before or not. I found a frustrated remark addressed to myself which read <i>"There’s 0 point of taking notes here."</i> but I tried my best regardless!<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:1</b> - Then said Solomon, The LORD hath said that he would dwell in the thick darkness.<br /><b>6:2</b> - But I have built an house of habitation for thee, and a place for thy dwelling for ever. </div><br />I do find it funny that God wants a house on Earth where he can chill in the darkness. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:6</b> - But Jehoshaphat said, Is there not here a prophet of the LORD besides, that we might enquire of him?<br /><b>18:7</b> - And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, There is yet one man, by whom we may enquire of the LORD: but I hate him; for he never prophesied good unto me, but always evil: the same is Micaiah the son of Imla. And Jehoshaphat said, Let not the king say so. </div><br />Haha that's so funny. There is a prophet but he never prophecises good stuff to me so I hate him, lets not talk to him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:18</b> - And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease.<br /><b>21:19</b> - And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases. And his people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers. </div><br />Jehoram’s death. Did we cover this before? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:13</b> - And she looked, and, behold, the king stood at his pillar at the entering in, and the princes and the trumpets by the king: and all the people of the land rejoiced, and sounded with trumpets, also the singers with instruments of musick, and such as taught to sing praise. Then Athaliah rent her clothes, and said, Treason, Treason.<br /></div><br />Musick is how they used to spell music. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:11</b> - And Amaziah strengthened himself, and led forth his people, and went to the valley of salt, and smote of the children of Seir ten thousand.<br /><b>25:12</b> - And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces. </div><br />I love the descriptions, as horrible as they are. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:19</b> - Then Uzziah was wroth, and had a censer in his hand to burn incense: and while he was wroth with the priests, the leprosy even rose up in his forehead before the priests in the house of the LORD, from beside the incense altar.<br /><b>26:20</b> - And Azariah the chief priest, and all the priests, looked upon him, and, behold, he was leprous in his forehead, and they thrust him out from thence; yea, himself hasted also to go out, because the LORD had smitten him.<br /><b>26:21</b> - And Uzziah the king was a leper unto the day of his death, and dwelt in a several house, being a leper; for he was cut off from the house of the LORD: and Jotham his son was over the king's house, judging the people of the land. </div><br />Bad case of the sickers there. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:5</b> - And he burnt the bones of the priests upon their altars, and cleansed Judah and Jerusalem.<br /></div><br />So metal. Weirdly, this was a good thing. God Likes this. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF EZRA</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:44</b> - All these had taken strange wives: and some of them had wives by whom they had children.<br /></div><br />This was a strange and short book which all kinda melted into one. But, basically, Ezra was a High Priest who had a few crazy ideas, including the purification of the Jewish community. He ordered people to stop marrying and breeding with outside folk, an idea that does not sit well with modern love and is another powerful argument against this book's overall teachings. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF NEHEMIAH</h3><br /> Surprisingly written from a more first-person perspective, Nehemiah is a high official at the Persian court who wants to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. It's very closely tied to Ezra's book (to the point that they used to be considered one book). It's also quite rejoiceful in its delivery, all about a community vibe. It's nice.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:2</b> - Wherefore the king said unto me, Why is thy countenance sad, seeing thou art not sick? this is nothing else but sorrow of heart. Then I was very sore afraid, </div><br />Haha use this against sad people. Why are you like this? You're not sick? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:13</b> - And I went out by night by the gate of the valley, even before the dragon well, and to the dung port, and viewed the walls of Jerusalem, which were broken down, and the gates thereof were consumed with fire. </div><br />Actual dragons in the Bible, just for your information. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:17</b> - They which builded on the wall, and they that bare burdens, with those that laded, every one with one of his hands wrought in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon.<br /><b>4:18</b> - For the builders, every one had his sword girded by his side, and so builded. And he that sounded the trumpet was by me. </div><br />Cool. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:15</b> - So the wall was finished in the twenty and fifth day of the month Elul, in fifty and two days.<br /></div><br />Well done! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:1</b> - And the rulers of the people dwelt at Jerusalem: the rest of the people also cast lots, to bring one of ten to dwell in Jerusalem the holy city, and nine parts to dwell in other cities.<br /><b>11:2</b> - And the people blessed all the men, that willingly offered themselves to dwell at Jerusalem.<br /><b>11:3</b> - Now these are the chief of the province that dwelt in Jerusalem: but in the cities of Judah dwelt every one in his possession in their cities, to wit, Israel, the priests, and the Levites, and the Nethinims, and the children of Solomon's servants. </div><br />So one in every 10 people from different cities got to move into Jerusalem. Interesting. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:23 </b> - For it was the king's commandment concerning them, that a certain portion should be for the singers, due for every day. </div><br />Singers are special, I never knew this about the Bible. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:23</b> - In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab:<br /><b>13:24</b> - And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews' language, but according to the language of each people.<br /><b>13:25</b> - And I contended with them, and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and plucked off their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves. </div><br />Once again, do not marry and/or breed outside your kind. Bible is racist. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:31</b> - And for the wood offering, at times appointed, and for the firstfruits. Remember me, O my God, for good.<br /></div><br />OMG. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF ESTHER</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:8</b> - And the drinking was according to the law; none did compel: for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house, that they should do according to every man's pleasure. </div><br />I support this notion. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:10</b> - On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of Ahasuerus the king,<br /><b>1:11</b> - To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on.<br /><b>1:12</b> - But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king's commandment by his chamberlains: therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in him. </div><br />Very bad move to go against the Man of the House, Queenie. Very bad indeed... <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:15</b> - What shall we do unto the queen Vashti according to law, because she hath not performed the commandment of the king Ahasuerus by the chamberlains?<br /><b>1:16</b> - And Memucan answered before the king and the princes, Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus.<br /><b>1:17</b> - For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. </div><br />This rebel woman will give other women ideas! We must stop that from happening immediately! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:19</b> - If it please the king, let there go a royal commandment from him, and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes, that it be not altered, That Vashti come no more before king Ahasuerus; and let the king give her royal estate unto another that is better than she. </div><br />So she is stripped of her crown for another to take her place, simple. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:2</b> - Then said the king's servants that ministered unto him, Let there be fair young virgins sought for the king:<br /><b>2:3</b> - And let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom, that they may gather together all the fair young virgins unto Shushan the palace, to the house of the women, unto the custody of Hege the king's chamberlain, keeper of the women; and let their things for purification be given them:<br /><b>2:4</b> - And let the maiden which pleaseth the king be queen instead of Vashti. And the thing pleased the king; and he did so. </div><br />So, naturally, the best way to find a new queen is to capture a bunch of virgins and see which one pleases the king the best. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:9</b> - And the maiden pleased him, and she obtained kindness of him; and he speedily gave her her things for purification, with such things as belonged to her, and seven maidens, which were meet to be given her, out of the king's house: and he preferred her and her maids unto the best place of the house of the women.<br /></div><br />Esther wins the game eventually, and she is crowned. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:6</b> - And he thought scorn to lay hands on Mordecai alone; for they had shewed him the people of Mordecai: wherefore Haman sought to destroy all the Jews that were throughout the whole kingdom of Ahasuerus, even the people of Mordecai. </div><br />Alright, Hitler. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:13</b> - And the letters were sent by posts into all the king's provinces, to destroy, to kill, and to cause to perish, all Jews, both young and old, little children and women, in one day, even upon the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, which is the month Adar, and to take the spoil of them for a prey. </div><br />What's worse is that the king is on board! Murder all the Jews! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:6</b> - And Esther said, The adversary and enemy is this wicked Haman. Then Haman was afraid before the king and the queen.<br /><b>7:7</b> - And the king arising from the banquet of wine in his wrath went into the palace garden: and Haman stood up to make request for his life to Esther the queen; for he saw that there was evil determined against him by the king.<br /><b>7:8</b> - Then the king returned out of the palace garden into the place of the banquet of wine; and Haman was fallen upon the bed whereon Esther was. Then said the king, Will he force the queen also before me in the house? As the word went out of the king's mouth, they covered Haman's face.<br /><b>7:9</b> - And Harbonah, one of the chamberlains, said before the king, Behold also, the gallows fifty cubits high, which Haman had made for Mordecai, who had spoken good for the king, standeth in the house of Haman. Then the king said, Hang him thereon.<br /><b>7:10</b> - So they hanged Haman on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai. Then was the king's wrath pacified. </div><br />Esther is an absolute hero of Judaism, using her Queen status to not only save her people but also ultimately killing the Jew-hating dude (Haman) in the first place. She was a good one, that Ester! <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF JOB</h3><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:1</b> - There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. </div><br />Meet Job. He's a very good man. This is important. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:6</b> - Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.<br /><b>1:7</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.<br /><b>1:8</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?<br /><b>1:9</b> - Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?<br /><b>1:10</b> - Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.<br /><b>1:11</b> - But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.<br /><b>1:12</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD. </div><br />The devil and God work together, they are mates, it's in the Bible people, never forget this. God rewards the good, Satan punishes the bad, they are a team. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:2</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.<br /><b>2:3</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.<br /><b>2:4</b> - And Satan answered the LORD, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life<br /><b>2:5</b> - But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face.<br /><b>2:6</b> - And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.<br /><b>2:7</b> - So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.<br /><b>2:8</b> - And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal; and he sat down among the ashes. </div><br />Satan has already killed all of Job’s livestock and animals, just by the way. But good ol' Job did not even flinch his worship. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:9</b> - Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.<br /><b>2:10</b> - But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips. </div><br />Haha his wife is all "just curse God and die already!". But Job is immovable even by his foolish woman. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:11</b> - Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?<br /><b>3:12</b> - Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck? </div><br />Job is struggling now, he wishes he had never been born. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:7</b> - Remember, I pray thee, who ever perished, being innocent? or where were the righteous cut off?<br /><b>4:8</b> - Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same.<br /><b>4:9</b> - By the blast of God they perish, and by the breath of his nostrils are they consumed.<br /><b>4:10</b> - The roaring of the lion, and the voice of the fierce lion, and the teeth of the young lions, are broken.<br /><b>4:11</b> - The old lion perisheth for lack of prey, and the stout lion's whelps are scattered abroad. </div><br />To make matters worse, Job's mate blames Job for these shortcomings. Surely this is Job's fault otherwise why would this be happening to him? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:6</b> - Can that which is unsavoury be eaten without salt? or is there any taste in the white of an egg? </div><br />Thats a good question. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:5</b> - My flesh is clothed with worms and clods of dust; my skin is broken, and become loathsome. </div><br />This book has some sick lyrics. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:16</b> - If I had called, and he had answered me; yet would I not believe that he had hearkened unto my voice.<br /><b>9:17</b> - For he breaketh me with a tempest, and multiplieth my wounds without cause.<br /><b>9:18</b> - He will not suffer me to take my breath, but filleth me with bitterness.<br /><b>9:19</b> - If I speak of strength, lo, he is strong: and if of judgment, who shall set me a time to plead?<br /><b>9:20</b> - If I justify myself, mine own mouth shall condemn me: if I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me perverse.<br /><b>9:21</b> - Though I were perfect, yet would I not know my soul: I would despise my life. </div><br />Job's book is so well written. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:10</b> - Hast thou not poured me out as milk, and curdled me like cheese? </div><br />Yes. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>15:27</b> - Because he covereth his face with his fatness, and maketh collops of fat on his flanks. </div><br />Haha Biblical fatshaming. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:7</b> - But now he hath made me weary: thou hast made desolate all my company.<br /><b>16:8</b> - And thou hast filled me with wrinkles, which is a witness against me: and my leanness rising up in me beareth witness to my face.<br /><b>16:9</b> - He teareth me in his wrath, who hateth me: he gnasheth upon me with his teeth; mine enemy sharpeneth his eyes upon me.<br /><b>16:10</b> - They have gaped upon me with their mouth; they have smitten me upon the cheek reproachfully; they have gathered themselves together against me.<br /><b>16:11</b> - God hath delivered me to the ungodly, and turned me over into the hands of the wicked.<br /><b>16:12</b> - I was at ease, but he hath broken me asunder: he hath also taken me by my neck, and shaken me to pieces, and set me up for his mark.<br /><b>16:13</b> - His archers compass me round about, he cleaveth my reins asunder, and doth not spare; he poureth out my gall upon the ground.<br /><b>16:14</b> - He breaketh me with breach upon breach, he runneth upon me like a giant. </div><br />Damn, so poetic. Poor, poor Job. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:13</b> - If I wait, the grave is mine house: I have made my bed in the darkness. <br /><b>17:14</b> - have said to corruption, Thou art my father: to the worm, Thou art my mother, and my sister. </div><br />On and on it goes. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:7</b> - Yet he shall perish for ever like his own dung: they which have seen him shall say, Where is he? </div><br />Harsh. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>21:22</b> - Shall any teach God knowledge? seeing he judgeth those that are high.<br /><b>21:23</b> - One dieth in his full strength, being wholly at ease and quiet.<br /><b>21:24</b> - His breasts are full of milk, and his bones are moistened with marrow.<br /><b>21:25</b> - And another dieth in the bitterness of his soul, and never eateth with pleasure.<br /><b>21:26</b> - They shall lie down alike in the dust, and the worms shall cover them. </div><br />Job doesn't shut up but, damn, those are some words. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:26</b> - When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness.<br /><b>30:27</b> - My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.<br /><b>30:28</b> - I went mourning without the sun: I stood up, and I cried in the congregation.<br /><b>30:29</b> - I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.<br /><b>30:30</b> - My skin is black upon me, and my bones are burned with heat.<br /><b>30:31</b> - My harp also is turned to mourning, and my organ into the voice of them that weep. </div><br />I can't express this enough, Job just does not stop complianing. I mean, I get it, he's lost everything, he's in pain, but all of the poetic sweetness in the world could not sustain the misery for this long. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>31:9</b> - If mine heart have been deceived by a woman, or if I have laid wait at my neighbour's door;<br /><b>31:10</b> - Then let my wife grind unto another, and let others bow down upon her. </div><br />Grind! Yes! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>32:1</b> - So these three men ceased to answer Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes.<br /><b>32:2</b> - Then was kindled the wrath of Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite, of the kindred of Ram: against Job was his wrath kindled, because he justified himself rather than God. </div><br />You see, this is why the Bible is so great. It's highlighting how Job can't stop talking about all the wrong which has been done to him, the pain he does not deserve due to the God-serving life he's lived. And this is 100% true because his torture was unjust, a result of a bet between God and Satan, their unfair game has stripped him of everything. However, Job's ceaseless wining makes him seem like he's against God's way, for this <i>is</i> God's way after all, and he needs to stop his bitching because his friends are ignoring him now. I love that. It has layers. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>33:20</b> - So that his life abhorreth bread, and his soul dainty meat.<br /><b>33:21</b> - His flesh is consumed away, that it cannot be seen; and his bones that were not seen stick out. </div><br />The writing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>38:4</b> - Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding. </div><br />God finally arrives and, damn, what a big question! Nobody can top that! God shuts Job down quickly. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>39:9</b> - Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?<br /><b>39:10</b> - Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee? </div><br />Freaking unicorns though. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>39:19</b> - Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder?<br /><b>39:20</b> - Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible.<br /><b>39:21</b> - He paweth in the valley, and rejoiceth in his strength: he goeth on to meet the armed men.<br /><b>39:22</b> - He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted; neither turneth he back from the sword.<br /><b>39:23</b> - The quiver rattleth against him, the glittering spear and the shield.<br /><b>39:24</b> - He swalloweth the ground with fierceness and rage: neither believeth he that it is the sound of the trumpet.<br /><b>39:25</b> - He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off, the thunder of the captains, and the shouting. </div><br />Horses are awesome. This whole speech from God was a powerful onslaught of words, he's really putting Job in his place even though God was literally responsible for the man's recent torture. God has totally made this all about himself somehow. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>40:3</b> - Then Job answered the LORD, and said,<br /><b>40:4</b> - Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.<br /><b>40:5</b> - Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further. </div><br />Job promises to stop talking right after he says that he will stop talking. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>41:1</b> - Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?<br /><b>41:2</b> - Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?<br /><b>41:3</b> - Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?<br /><b>41:4</b> - Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?<br /><b>41:5</b> - Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?<br /><b>41:6</b> - Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?<br /><b>41:7</b> - Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons? or his head with fish spears?<br /><b>41:8</b> - Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.<br /><b>41:9</b> - Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?<br /><b>41:10</b> - None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?<br /><b>41:11</b> - Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.<br /><b>41:12</b> - I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.<br /><b>41:13</b> - Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?<br /><b>41:14</b> - Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.<br /><b>41:15</b> - His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.<br /><b>41:16</b> - One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.<br /><b>41:17</b> - They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.<br /><b>41:18</b> - By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.<br /><b>41:19</b> - Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.<br /><b>41:20</b> - Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.<br /><b>41:21</b> - His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.<br /><b>41:22</b> - In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.<br /><b>41:23</b> - The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.<br /><b>41:24</b> - His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.<br /><b>41:25</b> - When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.<br /><b>41:26</b> - The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.<br /><b>41:27</b> - He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.<br /><b>41:28</b> - The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.<br /><b>41:29</b> - Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.<br /><b>41:30</b> - Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.<br /><b>41:31</b> - He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.<br /><b>41:32</b> - He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.<br /><b>41:33</b> - Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.<br /><b>41:34</b> - He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride. </div><br />Sorry, I've literally included this entire chapter here, but check out this freaking monster God is creating! Why though? Calm down, God! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>42:10</b> - And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. </div><br />Anyway, to cut a long story short, Job got everything back two-fold and died an old happy man. Because he never ever lost his faith. It's a fantastic story, arguably my favourite from the whole book. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF PSALMS</h3><br />Obviously, things change slightly around here. Psalms aren't stories with the fury of God or prophets suddenly realising their importance. Rather, these are little verses of praise, like songs or prayers which you can use to send worship to the Lord if you're not imaginative enough to think of your own. It's quite nice, really.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:9</b> - For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue. </div><br />Obviously a very poetic chapter coming up. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:3</b> - The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things: </div><br />Yet still pretty brutal. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>17:14</b> - From men which are thy hand, O LORD, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes. </div><br />I didn't really understand this line. I looked it up and I think it's about how your children is all you truly leave to this world? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:40</b> - Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me.<br /><b>18:41</b> - They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the LORD, but he answered them not.<br /><b>18:42</b> - Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.<br /><b>18:43</b> - Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me.<br /><b>18:44</b> - As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me.<br /><b>18:45</b> - The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places. </div><br />I’m totally on board with this one, where do I sign up? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:1</b> - The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. </div><br />Iconic. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>27:1</b> - The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?<br /></div><br />I love the uncertaintly of the questions marks? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>33:3</b> - Sing unto him a new song; play skilfully with a loud noise. </div><br />I can promise to at least do some of that. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>35:4</b> - Let them be confounded and put to shame that seek after my soul: let them be turned back and brought to confusion that devise my hurt.<br /><b>35:5</b> - Let them be as chaff before the wind: and let the angel of the LORD chase them.<br /><b>35:6</b> - Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the LORD persecute them. </div><br />Such inconveniences. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>37:11</b> - But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. </div><br />That the line, right there. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>40:15</b> - Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha. </div><br />The Bible lols. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>58:3</b> - The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.<br /><b>58:3</b> - Their poison is like the poison of a serpent: they are like the deaf adder that stoppeth her ear;<br /><b>58:3</b> - Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely.<br /><b>58:3</b> - Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD.<br /><b>58:3</b> - Let them melt away as waters which run continually: when he bendeth his bow to shoot his arrows, let them be as cut in pieces.<br /><b>58:3</b> - As a snail which melteth, let every one of them pass away: like the untimely birth of a woman, that they may not see the sun.<br /><b>58:3</b> - Before your pots can feel the thorns, he shall take them away as with a whirlwind, both living, and in his wrath. </div><br />I wonder if anyone has ever looked towards the Bible as a negative influence in today's violent society. This is way more hardcore than certain scapegoat video games and, what's more, this is the supposed word of God. You know, the thing we're taught to follow?? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>66:5</b> - Come and see the works of God: he is terrible in his doing toward the children of men.<br /><b>66:6</b> - He turned the sea into dry land: they went through the flood on foot: there did we rejoice in him. </div><br />Kinda fitting for psalm 6:66. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>68:4</b> - Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH, and rejoice before him. </div><br />Yes! Jah! Everything is one. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>69:11</b> - I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them.<br /><b>69:12</b> - They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards. </div><br />This appeals to me. Also, 69, lol. That's a sex position. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>72:1</b> - Give the king thy judgments, O God, and thy righteousness unto the king's son.<br /><b>72:2</b> - He shall judge thy people with righteousness, and thy poor with judgment.<br /><b>72:3</b> - The mountains shall bring peace to the people, and the little hills, by righteousness. </div><br />Righteousness <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>75:5</b> - Lift not up your horn on high: speak not with a stiff neck.<br /></div><br />I really regret not making note of this way earlier but please keep in mind that a "stiff neck" is consistently spoken about as a highly undesirable trait by God. It means to be "difficult to lead". <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>78:65</b> - Then the Lord awaked as one out of sleep, and like a mighty man that shouteth by reason of wine.<br /><b>78:66</b> - And he smote his enemies in the hinder parts: he put them to a perpetual reproach. </div><br />Right there! Right! There! God is drunk! I knew it!! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>85:10</b> - Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other. </div><br />That's beautiful. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>92:5</b> - O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep. </div><br />God has deep thoughts. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>102:3</b> - For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.<br /><b>102:4</b> - My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.<br /><b>102:5</b> - By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.<br /><b>102:6</b> - I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert.<br /><b>102:7</b> - I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.<br /><b>102:8</b> - Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me.<br /><b>102:9</b> - For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping, </div><br />SO METAL!!!!!! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>119:1</b> - ALEPH. Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the LORD.<br /></div><br />I decided to not write this long piece down, but if you're interested, check out this full psalm. It's generally really positive and happy, more like you'd kinda imagine/hope how the whole Bible would be (but it's not). <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>135:3</b> - Praise the LORD; for the LORD is good: sing praises unto his name; for it is pleasant. </div><br />SOLD. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>137:1</b> - By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. </div><br />I’ve heard this reggae song before. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>137:6</b> - If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy. </div><br />Intense as always. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>139:22</b> - I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. </div><br />Perfect hatred. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>144:1</b> - Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight: </div><br />Summarise the Bible in one sentence. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>147:11</b> - The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.<br /></div><br />Once again, this has become my understanding. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF PROVERBS</h3><br />Proverbs are more like slices of advice, with this specific book concentrating on the importance of being wise while avoiding the whorish ways of women. Furthermore, this is some of the best text I've ever read in my life.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:20</b> - Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets: </div><br />Wisdom is personified as a woman which is interesting in Bible contexts. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:3</b> - For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:<br /> <b>5:4</b> - But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.<br /> <b>5:5</b> - Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. </div><br />Written for men but written well. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:18</b> - Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.<br /> <b>5:19</b> - Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.<br /> <b>5:20</b> - And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?<br /> <b>5:21</b> - For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.<br /> <b>5:22</b> - His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.<br /> <b>5:23</b> - He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray. </div><br />Good advice and well written once again. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:16</b> - These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:<br /> <b>6:17</b> - A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,<br /> <b>6:18</b> - An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,<br /> <b>6:19</b> - A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. </div><br />Good to know but I particularly like the "six I mean seven" thing, haha. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:23</b> - For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:<br /> <b>6:24</b> - To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.<br /> <b>6:25</b> - Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.<br /> <b>6:26</b> - For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. </div><br />Really banging on about this whorish business, it's all painfully one gender, the Bible is not for girls. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:10</b> - And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.<br /> <b>7:11</b> - (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:<br /> <b>7:12</b> - Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)<br /> <b>7:13</b> - So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,<br /> <b>7:14</b> - I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.<br /> <b>7:15</b> - Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.<br /> <b>7:16</b> - I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.<br /> <b>7:17</b> - I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.<br /> <b>7:18</b> - Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.<br /> <b>7:19</b> - For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:<br /> <b>7:20</b> - He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.<br /> <b>7:21</b> - With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.<br /> <b>7:22</b> - He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;<br /> <b>7:23</b> - Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.<br /> <b>7:24</b> - Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.<br /> <b>7:25</b> - Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.<br /> <b>7:26</b> - For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.<br /> <b>7:27</b> - Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death. </div><br />Long but I love this. God really doesn't like promiscous women and blames them for the straying of men. I mean, I relate, to be fair. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>10:1</b> - A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. </div><br />What does that even mean?? Why even separate the two? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:22</b> - As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. </div><br />What. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>12:4</b> - A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. </div><br />I probably need to stop pointing out the sexism here, there's too much of it to go around. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:2</b> - A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence. </div><br />Eat violence! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>18:8</b> - The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. </div><br />Poetics. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:1</b> - Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. </div><br />Wine is dodgy, good advice. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:13</b> - Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.<br /> <b>23:14</b> - Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. </div><br />Beat your children, God says it's ok. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>23:27</b> - For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.<br /> <b>23:28</b> - She also lieth in wait as for a prey, and increaseth the transgressors among men. </div><br />These words, they are so good! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>25:11</b> - A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.<br /> <b>25:12</b> - As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.<br /> <b>25:13</b> - As the cold of snow in the time of harvest, so is a faithful messenger to them that send him: for he refresheth the soul of his masters.<br /> <b>25:14</b> - Whoso boasteth himself of a false gift is like clouds and wind without rain.<br /> <b>25:15</b> - By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.<br /> <b>25:16</b> - Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.<br /> <b>25:17</b> - Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.<br /> <b>25:18</b> - A man that beareth false witness against his neighbour is a maul, and a sword, and a sharp arrow.<br /> <b>25:19</b> - Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.<br /> <b>25:20</b> - As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, and as vinegar upon nitre, so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart.<br /> <b>25:21</b> - If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:<br /> <b>25:22</b> - For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.<br /> <b>25:23</b> - The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue.<br /> <b>25:24</b> - It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.<br /> <b>25:25</b> - As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.<br /> <b>25:26</b> - A righteous man falling down before the wicked is as a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring.<br /> <b>25:27</b> - It is not good to eat much honey: so for men to search their own glory is not glory.<br /> <b>25:28</b> - He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. </div><br />Read these words, it's pure poetry. And it goes on forever. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>26:11</b> - As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.<br /> </div><br />What an image. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28:25</b> - He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. </div><br />I guess there was a time when fatness was desirable. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>29:11</b> - A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. </div><br />Cool, so the bible actually coined that too. Nice work, God. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:11</b> - There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.<br /> <b>30:11</b> - There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.<br /> <b>30:11</b> - There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.<br /> <b>30:11</b> - There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.<br /> <b>30:11</b> - The horseleach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:<br /> <b>30:11</b> - The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough.<br /> <b>30:11</b> - The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. </div><br />So crazy! Hectic stuff. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:33</b> - Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife. </div><br />Logic. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF ECCLESIASTES</h3><br />This book primarily revolves around work and vanity.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:9</b> - The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. </div><br />Oh wow, the Bible coined that tired phrasing too? Impressive. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:5</b> - The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh. </div><br />That sounds relatively foolish, yeah. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>4:9</b> - Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.<br /><b>4:10</b> - For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.<br /><b>4:11</b> - Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?<br /><b>4:12</b> - And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. </div><br />Can’t argue! It's always better when we're together. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:15</b> - Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labour the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun. </div><br />Eat, drink, be merry. Yet another common phrase which was probably first said here. Regardless of your Bible opinion, this is a rad aspect of it all. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:3</b> - This is an evil among all things that are done under the sun, that there is one event unto all: yea, also the heart of the sons of men is full of evil, and madness is in their heart while they live, and after that they go to the dead.<br /><b>9:4</b> - For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion.<br /><b>9:5</b> - For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.<br /><b>9:6</b> - Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in any thing that is done under the sun. </div><br />True stuff, but note the lack of any mention of heaven. Judaism doesn’t really have such a concept, which is interesting. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>9:12</b> - For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.<br /></div><br />*fish <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:5</b> - As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.<br /><b>11:6</b> - In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thine hand: for thou knowest not whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether they both shall be alike good. </div><br />It’s true, we still don’t understand these things and it's been a long time. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE SONG OF SOLOMON</h3><br />This short chapter is an interesting one as there is no God or rules or any teachings like that. Instead, it's a book of poetry which rejoices in the intimacy between two people, which was really sweet and appreciated!<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:6</b> - Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept. </div><br />What's race got to do with it? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>2:5</b> - Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. </div><br />Amazing. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:4</b> - Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.<br /><b>6:5</b> - Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me: thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Gilead.<br /><b>6:6</b> - Thy teeth are as a flock of sheep which go up from the washing, whereof every one beareth twins, and there is not one barren among them.<br /><b>6:7</b> - As a piece of a pomegranate are thy temples within thy locks. </div><br />Love poetry was different back then. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>7:1</b> - How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.<br /><b>7:2</b> - Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.<br /><b>7:3</b> - Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.<br /><b>7:4</b> - Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.<br /><b>7:5</b> - Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.<br /><b>7:6</b> - How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!<br /><b>7:7</b> - This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.<br /><b>7:8</b> - I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;<br /><b>7:9</b> - And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. </div><br />Almost quite smooth. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:1</b> - O that thou wert as my brother, that sucked the breasts of my mother! when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised. </div><br />Ok idk. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>8:8</b> - We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?<br /><b>8:9</b> - If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar.<br /><b>8:10</b> - I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour. </div><br />I'm not sure why all of that was needed to be said. Power to the boobs, I guess? Good to know so little has changed. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF THE PROPHET ISAIAH</h3><br />And just like that, we are back to the main central storyline. The whole journey has such a fascinating flow in that way, a brief break into a world of poetics before we resume where we left off. It adds to its overall mystical power. That said, this book was very tiring and I did not enjoy it all that much.<br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>1:10</b> - Hear the word of the LORD, ye rulers of Sodom; give ear unto the law of our God, ye people of Gomorrah.<br /><b>1:11</b> - To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the LORD: I am full of the burnt offerings of rams, and the fat of fed beasts; and I delight not in the blood of bullocks, or of lambs, or of he goats.<br /><b>1:12</b> - When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts?<br /><b>1:13</b> - Bring no more vain oblations; incense is an abomination unto me; the new moons and sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting.<br /><b>1:14</b> - Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.<br /><b>1:15</b> - And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. </div><br />God is bored of your worships now. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:12</b> - As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. </div><br />This is a weird verse that nobody can explain to me without sounding sexist, which isn't super surprising. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>3:16</b> - Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet:<br /><b>3:17</b> - Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts.<br /><b>3:18</b> - In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,<br /><b>3:19</b> - The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,<br /><b>3:20</b> - The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,<br /><b>3:21</b> - The rings, and nose jewels,<br /><b>3:22</b> - The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,<br /><b>3:23</b> - The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.<br /><b>3:24</b> - And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty. </div><br />This is where STIs came from! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>5:11</b> - Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink; that continue until night, till wine inflame them! </div><br />You heard the man. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>6:6</b> - Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:<br /><b>6:7</b> - And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged. </div><br />Don’t try this at home. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>11:6</b> - The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.<br /><b>11:7</b> - And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.<br /><b>11:8</b> - And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den.<br /><b>11:9</b> - They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. </div><br />Sound lovely! :) <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>13:6</b> - Howl ye; for the day of the LORD is at hand; it shall come as a destruction from the Almighty.<br /><b>13:7</b> - Therefore shall all hands be faint, and every man's heart shall melt:<br /><b>13:8</b> - And they shall be afraid: pangs and sorrows shall take hold of them; they shall be in pain as a woman that travaileth: they shall be amazed one at another; their faces shall be as flames.<br /><b>13:9</b> - Behold, the day of the LORD cometh, cruel both with wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate: and he shall destroy the sinners thereof out of it.<br /><b>13:10</b> - For the stars of heaven and the constellations thereof shall not give their light: the sun shall be darkened in his going forth, and the moon shall not cause her light to shine. </div><br />End of the world vibes. It’s funny to imagine that someone is possibly just making all of this up though. Are they laughing? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>14:12</b> - How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!<br /><b>14:13</b> - For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:<br /><b>14:14</b> - I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.<br /><b>14:15</b> - Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit. </div><br />Team devil represent! <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>16:11</b> - Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh. </div><br />You mean like a fart? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>19:1</b> - The burden of Egypt. Behold, the LORD rideth upon a swift cloud, and shall come into Egypt: and the idols of Egypt shall be moved at his presence, and the heart of Egypt shall melt in the midst of it. </div><br />Oh so God <i>does</i> fly on clouds then. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>20:4</b> - So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt. </div><br /><i>Even</i> their buttocks! Shocking. Have I mentioned how much God hates Egypt? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>22:12</b> - And in that day did the Lord GOD of hosts call to weeping, and to mourning, and to baldness, and to girding with sackcloth:<br /><b>22:13</b> - And behold joy and gladness, slaying oxen, and killing sheep, eating flesh, and drinking wine: let us eat and drink; for to morrow we shall die. </div><br />Might as well when you put it like that. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>24:16</b> - From the uttermost part of the earth have we heard songs, even glory to the righteous. But I said, My leanness, my leanness, woe unto me! the treacherous dealers have dealt treacherously; yea, the treacherous dealers have dealt very treacherously.<br /></div><br />Sorry, the what did what? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>28:7</b> - But they also have erred through wine, and through strong drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink, they are swallowed up of wine, they are out of the way through strong drink; they err in vision, they stumble in judgment.<br /><b>28:8</b> - For all tables are full of vomit and filthiness, so that there is no place clean. </div><br />I relate. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>30:22</b> - Ye shall defile also the covering of thy graven images of silver, and the ornament of thy molten images of gold: thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth; thou shalt say unto it, Get thee hence. </div><br />Menstruous cloth. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>33:1</b> - Woe to thee that spoilest, and thou wast not spoiled; and dealest treacherously, and they dealt not treacherously with thee! when thou shalt cease to spoil, thou shalt be spoiled; and when thou shalt make an end to deal treacherously, they shall deal treacherously with thee. </div><br />No spoilers pls. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>34:7</b> - And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. </div><br />There is not a part of this sentence I don't love with all my heart. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>42:13</b> - The LORD shall go forth as a mighty man, he shall stir up jealousy like a man of war: he shall cry, yea, roar; he shall prevail against his enemies.<br /><b>42:14</b> - I have long time holden my peace; I have been still, and refrained myself: now will I cry like a travailing woman; I will destroy and devour at once.<br /><b>42:15</b> - I will make waste mountains and hills, and dry up all their herbs; and I will make the rivers islands, and I will dry up the pools.<br /><b>42:16</b> - And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them. </div><br />Rattling off with strange threats again. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>43:20</b> - The beast of the field shall honour me, the dragons and the owls: because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen.<br /></div><br />Owls and dragons specifically. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>45:7</b> - I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. </div><br />The Lord confesses to creating evil because you are nothing but a sick show to him. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>46:1</b> - Bel boweth down, Nebo stoopeth, their idols were upon the beasts, and upon the cattle: your carriages were heavy loaden; they are a burden to the weary beast. </div><br />Say that first part out loud, it's fun. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>49:26</b> - And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine: and all flesh shall know that I the LORD am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob. </div><br />As you do. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>55:1</b> - Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. </div><br />God’s party. When I say "hey" you say...? <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>56:9</b> - All ye beasts of the field, come to devour, yea, all ye beasts in the forest.<br /><b>56:10</b> - His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber.<br /><b>56:11</b> - Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.<br /><b>56:12</b> - Come ye, say they, I will fetch wine, and we will fill ourselves with strong drink; and to morrow shall be as this day, and much more abundant. </div><br />Reading this was enjoyable. <br /><br /> <div class="quote"><b>60:16</b> - Thou shalt also suck the milk of the Gentiles, and shalt suck the breast of kings: and thou shalt know that I the LORD am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob. </div><br />Suck the king’s tits. <br /><br /><br /> <h3>THE BOOK OF THE PROPHET JEREMIAH</h3><br /> This book was a slight improvement over the last one with a surprising amount of phrases which are so engrained in popular culture that I didn't even know they were biblical.<br />Regardless, it was still exhau