1. Jacob Black Buys a New Pair of Socks

“I rather like these right here,” said Jake, considering. “I mean, they look…stretchy.”

“Stretchy’s good,” Embry nodded.

“Flexible.”

“Bendy, if you will.”

“Yeah. But they’re polyester…”

“Aah, I gotcha man,” mentioned Paul. “It doesn’t breathe, right?”

“Right.”

“My sister had some polyester socks once. They had hearts on them.”

“These are black.”

“Oh.”

“Well, black’s nice.”

“Goes with everything, black does.”

“You could get a nice blend,” offered Embry.

“Hmm.”

“If I were you, I’d be more worried about shoes,” said Paul. “I mean, how many pairs you’ve gone through, now?”

Jake waved a dismissive hand. “I rather like these. And they come in packs!” He picked up a plastic package containing a plethora of white socks.

“As a pack, they are stronger,” muttered Embry with deep werewolfy meaning, but he was ignored.

Suddenly, an ordinarily extraordinary (extraordinarily ordinary?) protagonist appeared from around the bend, moving at great speed towards them. Paul made little wiggling fang motions with his hand at her as she approached, but she took no notice.

“Hey guys!” cried Bella desperately, looking over her shoulder. “Hey, why is Paul under that counter?”

For indeed, Paul was.

“I don’t know,” Embry shrugged.

“Oh.” That turn of events was paltry, compared to Bella’s many, many issues. “Jake, I need your help!”

“Sort of busy, Bells,” said Jake, waving a pair of socks at her. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a strange guy who’s following me,” she said, looking over her shoulder again. The store seemed normal, customers milling about. Nobody suspicious. A little old lady picked up three v-neck shirts, dropped them back into small little piles and paddled down to the next rack. Two sales girls chattered to each other as they hung hangers. The boys looked askance at each other.

“Er, you sure?”

“Yes!”

A loud speaker beeped out that there was a special on Taylor blouses in the women’s department.

“I left him at the Gap,” Bella moaned mournfully. “There was a sale on cashmere sweaters.”

“Aah,” said Embry and Paul in unison. The vampire’s one weakness.

“Isabella!”

Bella gave a frightened little squeak, and Jacob tightened his jaw. Paul patted her ankle reassuringly from his position underneath the counter.

Suddenly, a tall, rather gorgeous man rounded the corner. He looked about Bella’s age, his blond wavy hair wafting stylishly behind him. The man moved gracefully, almost liquidly towards them. When he came close enough, Jacob realized his eyes were a carefully flecked shade of vibrant blues and greens.

“Isabella!” the man said desperately, “I need to talk to you! Only you can help me!”

“Go away!” she yelled.

“You must help me!”

“No I don’t!”

“You must! You, of all the very ordinary, run-of-the-mill humans, alone have the incredibly astonishing powers to help me!

“What?”

The man struck a classic pose, his chest muscles rippling. His skin was pale, almost translucent with a faint blue sheen that was just matte enough emanating from him. “I, Adrien, the heir of my tribe, am bound, tragically, to the ancient curse of my people…”

“Been there, done that,” Jake dismissed.

“Oh,” the man seemed to deflate. “Well…you see…I’m a…” he paused, spreading his hands, and threw his head back dramatically. “I’m a merman.”

“But I’m a merman!” he shouted, perplexed. “Shouldn’t we be developing a complex, meaningful and yet tragic relationship right now?”

“Er…no thanks?” Bella said, puzzled.

“Goddammit,” said Adrien the Merman.

There was an awkward pause all round, as the quirky company tried sort out what to do next. And then Paul (having crept out from under the counter) hit the superfluous merman over the head with a sale sign.