Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Denial

November 2008.This is when I first heard the words “Parkinson’s disease” and “you might have it” in the same sentence.Thanks to this pronouncement, (from an orthopedist, no less) I had to kick Denial up to a whole new level.Sure, I called my primary physician and asked his advice on who should evaluate me. I booked the visit to the neurologist who, I figured, would test me and declare that I was fine.

I knew very little about PD and had no interest in making it a research project. Yes, Michael J. Fox had it, it had something to do with tremors and gait problems, old people got it (which made the Fox thing unusual), but I wasn’t going to run to the library and read his book. I certainly had no intention of looking at Google results.I was convinced that new knowledge would turn into new symptoms. I would read myself into a shaking palsy, drooling mess. I had to be clear headed (i.e. uninformed) and on my best behavior when I saw Dr. F.

Yes, sometimes I did experience an odd, detached heaviness with my feet. That was easily ignored. I had trouble keeping up with my wife when I joined her on her bird watching marches through hell. That was logical. My right hand trembled (only a few memorable times) when I got stressed and upset. Don’t you get it? I was stressed and upset.

Denial was my friend and I had no interest in changing the relationship. Not now, not ever.

About Me

In November 2008, Michael Spokane was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease at the age of 52. In November 2010, he began writing about his experience with the disease in an effort to help himself and others.
Michael is interested in receiving and responding to your comments and feedback. Please feel free to join in.
Michael lives in Southeastern Pennsylvania with his wife. He has two grown children. He had a career in general contracting and finish carpentry and specialized in historic restoration.