Anti-Bostonian: Tom Brady loses class of ’77 March Madness

In case you didn’t know, Tom Brady is not a young man. As he continues to test the stringent laws of Father Time, more and more jealous critics continue to bemoan his successes and continued championships.

Henceforth, in the spirit of good jealousy, here will be yet another attempt to knock back the quarter: call it a quarterback. It’s like a comeback, but since the challenger (in this case, me) is coming from such a position of weakness against the established strength (Brady), it can only be quarter-hearted and ultimately, kind of pathetic.

Still, it’s worth a shot. I’m just at the place where there’s really almost no point to rigid statistical argument or layered emotional justification. I’m at the point where I need to get rather creative — I can’t really make a serious argument, so I need to inject a heavy dose of sarcasm to even allow me to write anything. I’m compensating: I know I’m wrong, but I’m going to try anyway. Lol.

Brady was born on Aug. 3, 1977. Here are some other famous people born in the same year: Floyd Mayweather Jr., Chadwick Boseman, Kanye West, Kerry Washington, the Johns (Cena and Mayer) and Shakira. It’s an interesting assortment of cats, cobbled together from a quick Google search of “famous people born in 1977 not named Tom Brady,” but they will be used as ammunition against the Patriot gunslinger. Actually, for the spirit of March Madness, let’s try this in bracket form. Contenders will be randomly seeded.

All of the remarkable successes they’ve had on an individual basis were heavily considered: Grammy awards, Oscars, undefeated records and maybe even a WWE title belt. This group defines greatness, and leaves a trail behind to prove it! Of course, any legacy for greatness needs to be cross-checked and examined for any stains, which will be heavily considered.

Here’s a quick recap of the competition. Don’t mind me, I’m just the objective observer! Floyd’s invincibility ultimately trumped Brady’s two stinkers against the Giants, and the committee also gave the quarterback little credit for his two miraculous Super Bowl victories against the Falcons and Seahawks (citing more the failures of the other teams). Boseman’s movies were more likely to be determined “immortal” than Shakira’s pop-infused music, but this year a close vote. Washington’s deep CV of television work including “Scandal” (2012–) and “How to Get Away with Murder” (2014-) bested what was determined to be Cena’s ‘fake wrestling acting.’ West won in a landslide, though the committee was intrigued because Mayer had collaborated with West in the past.

The panel took away marks from Floyd after re-watching his fight against Manny Pacquiao in 2015 and determining that they viewed him as less skillful. West pledged to never wear a MAGA hat again if they let him win, so that determined that pairing.

For the final, the committee couldn’t decide. Can you? All I know is that Brady wasn’t even close …