How Many?

What's your number? According to a new survey, a third of women aren't honest when it comes to 'fessing up about the number of men that they have slept with. But why do we do this? And what's the right approach to addressing this touchy subject with your fella?

According to the latest research, reported yesterday in the Daily Mail, a third of women are guilty of lying outright when asked how many sexual partners they've had - and of those women, the majority (64 per cent) go for a number that's smaller than the truth. We talked to women who've opted for honesty and white lies to find out what influences our decisions when it comes to talking numbers.

For some women, going through all of the gory details just seems like a bit TMI. Mel, 28, has had 25 partners, but admits to being pretty vague about the precise number now with her man. 'The first time we had the conversation I just said, "Oh, I don't know, more than five, what about you?"' she says. 'As time's gone by, I've outlined the edited highlights - only the important or long-term relationships rather than every single one night stand.'

Advertisement

On the other hand, being up front can sometimes make you and your guy feel closer. Sue, 29, was honest about her number of past partners - five - with her current one. 'I brought it up,' she admits. 'Isn't it always the woman who does that? It was kind of a pleasant surprise that we both have the exact same number...for both of us, it was nice to be on even footing for some reason. I think for him, it was positive because my number's not that big considering my age and how long I've been having sex (12 years).'

But Sue also acknowledges that not every woman might want to be as open as she is - she's also had some less positive experiences. 'Things are tough for women. Both men and women feel free to judge your choices in the way they'd never do with a man. In the face of that, and all the double standards, who can blame a girl for managing her PR?'

Mel feels even more strongly. 'I think that if women lie then it perpetuates the myth that women are less interested in sex than men, and women should have fewer sexual partners. But on the other hand, nobody likes to think about their partner with somebody else, so what's the point of going in to it in depth?

Ultimately, as with the other aspects of your love life, disclosing your number - or not - comes down to personal choice. 'If you're with a man who can't respect the way you've decided to manage your sex life, he's probably not worth your time,' Sue points out.

What do you think? Is honesty the best policy, or is this an area of your personal life where you think it's fine to stretch (or shrink) the truth?