Naughty Nonna Knows All: advice to the perplexed

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Dear Naughty Nonna,

Lately when my girlfriend and I have had sex, I’ve been having a hard time going for as long as I need to to satisfy my lady. What do guys think about to slow themselves down during sex? Will it always be like this??

Go Go Speed Racer

Well Speedy,

Sounds like you need some help, or your girlfriend is going to start getting upset. First of all, you need to start thinking of something completely non-sexual: baseball, NASCAR, politics … you catch my drift? If that doesn’t work, there’s always picturing Margaret Thatcher in a bikini, a naked Whoopi Goldberg or Jim Douglas mowing the lawn in a Speedo. Make sure you are careful here, Speedy. You don’t want to lose your erection totally, just prolong it a bit. Good luck!

Dear Naughty Nonna,

Is it normal if I masturbate more than once a day?

Over Excited

Dear Excited,

Just so you know, most people’s masturbation is within a normal, healthy range. In reality, there is nothing wrong with masturbating once, twice, or three or more times in a day, even if that happens several times in a week.

Really, masturbation tends to help many people to feel more relaxed, to fall asleep or just to feel happy and satisfied. It’s also an extremely helpful way to learn about one’s own body and what types of stimulation feels good.

Rarely, people do masturbate so often – or in such unusual ways – that it can get in the way of their ability to hold a job, attend school or maintain a healthy relationship with another person. And that’s not really a masturbation issue. It can happen with many different things that one does in excess– for example, sex, television/sports watching. Anything that gets in the way of life can be unhealthy. If your masturbation routine is causing you distress or discomfort, please talk about it with your healthcare provider or therapist.

Dear Naughty Nonna,

My girlfriend and I recently started having sex. There have been a few times when it has been impossible for me to get an erection. At 21 years old it is taking a lot more “work” than it used to. I have been drinking alcohol more lately, and I only get 4 hours of sleep each night. I have a high stress level with work and school. What can I do?

Busy Bee

Dear Busy Bee,

Red Flag! Red Flag! Did you not figure out what was going on as you wrote the letter? Let’s see …

Men’s erections are influenced by a number of factors. Young, healthy men rarely have erection difficulties as a result of physical reasons – more often, young men have erection problems that are largely caused by performance anxiety. If you are worried about pleasing your girlfriend and are stressed about being able to get an erection, then those worries may be making it more difficult for you to get or keep an erection. Which in turn perpetuates this cycle.

However, in addition to anxiety about pleasing your girlfriend, you’ve got a lot stacked against you when it comes to lifestyle factors. Alcohol can contribute to erection problems as can general life stress, lack of sleep and illness. The most important thing you can do for your health, as well as for your penis, is to take care of your health.

Also, talk with your girlfriend. Let her know that you really are attracted to her and that she is very important to you. Reassure her that you are making efforts to improve your health so that your shared sex life can get better too.

Exploring sexuality in ways that take pressure off of your penis – such as making out and performing oral sex on her – may also be low-stress pleasurable ways of sharing sexual encounters.

Try to make time to visit your campus health center, where you may be able to make appointments to learn about how to manage your alcohol consumption, how to manage your time more effectively, healthy ways to get more sleep, and how to reduce your overall stress levels.

Dear Nonna,

My significant other goes to school a few hours away, and I don’t see him for weeks at a time. I want to do more than just talk about boring things when he calls. How do I start a sexy phone conversation with my partner? He initiates a sexy topic but I get nervous and don’t know how to continue. What should I say? How do I get over the shyness?

Signed, Call Me

Dear Call Me,

Phone sex is fun for both women and men, and it can be very arousing. Here are a few tips to get you feeling comfortable:

First, you might say to your guy that you’ve noticed he tries to initiate sexy topics on the phone and that you feel intrigued or excited by where things could lead with that, but you’re not sure how to respond or what to say. Let your partner know that you are a little shy about it, but you are working on it. At the very least, he’ll know that you’re trying and interested rather than just avoiding the topic.

You might also find it helpful to get a sex book or two and start reading them out loud together. A book of erotic short stories can be a great tool. You could try reading a passage of the book to each other in bed when you’re together or on the phone when he’s at school. After a while, it will be easier for you to say sexy words out loud. With time and practice, you might find that some words feel more natural for you to say or that you like how it feels, or how your partner responds, when you say them out loud, and you might gain more confidence coming up with your own scenario. Describing in detail how you are masturbating while on the phone can be a LOT of fun for both parties involved.

If you are comfortable with looking online, writingdirty.com has a great collection of erotic short stories to get you started.

Phone sex is a blast, sweetie, and can be super fulfilling when separated from your loved one for extended periods of time.

This column is for entertainment only. Any advice, guidance, or other information that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor or psychiatrist. If you have immediate concerns, please seek help from the Campus Heath Center at 635-1265 or call your physician. JSC’s Women Center in Dewey Hall also has a list of available resources and information. They are open from 1-5, Monday through Thursday.