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My boyfriend and I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) on and off for 3 years now. When we broke up I had sex with 2 other people, and now that we are back together he says he can't get over what I did even though we weren't together when it happened. He says he never gained back the same feelings for me. How do I get him back to the old us? Does he just need more time to fully let go of what happened?..

Comments (6)

Did you agree to not date using Match.com other people during your time apart? By his attitude can I safely assume that he didnt sleep with anyone else? Probably not. It is just a case of double standards and if he feels this way now, it isnt going to get any better with time. If he is judging you this way pay attention to it...

Comment #1

Well he broke up with me last night. What I don't understand is that for so long he led me to believe that everything was going to be okay; he was saying I love you, he was calling me babe etc, even sent me flowers and then I get hit with this. When I asked him about all of those gestures he told me it was just because he was trying to be nice and he was sick of faking it. I'm hoping he just needs some time/space and maybe he will realize that this is something that we can both overcome and get on with our future..

.

He messed around with a girl but he said he couldn't go all the way with her, cause I was on his mind...

Comment #2

"When I asked him about all of those gestures he told me it was just because he was trying to be nice and he was sick of faking it.".

How cruel!.

"I'm hoping he just needs some time/space and maybe he will realize that this is something that we can both overcome and get on with our future.".

Why are you not paying attention to the fact that he said he was faking loving feelings towards you?..

Comment #3

How long has it been since the two of you got back together? Why has the relationship (thru Match.com) been on and off? You can't make someone feel or not feel a certain way. But he's talking from a vulnerable, hurt place. You did what you did out of hurt and pain at not having him Just be loving and caring and say you want to do anything you can to reassure him of your feelings and your fidelity to him...

If after a time he still holds onto his anger and pain, well, there's nothing you can do. He's made his choice. Whatever happens is what's meant to happen.

,..

Comment #4

It was some months in between I don't know exactly. When I came back into the relationship (thru Match.com) this time I knew my feelings were certain and I knew exactly what I wanted. I think that's why this breakup has taken such a big toll on me this time, I gave it my all and my heart was in it 100% but obviously his wasn't. I've tried to tell him how I feel, but he doesn't want to hear any of it. He said you did what you did and it's over, I can't get over it, and I will never get over it. He wants to forget the whole relationship (thru Match.com) and just move on, I just think there is so much more to us although, I am on the other end of things.

Not even four days after the breakup I find out he's been kinda talking to this girl that transferred to his work about 2 weeks ago. He said that he didn't talk to her while we were together. He took her to the Tigers game last night, and assured me that it wasn't a date using Match.com and he wasn't dating (online dating with Match.com) anyone although I find this hard to believe because I know it's only a matter of time. I'm wondering if this was one of the main causes of him to just break things off, and tell me that it's time to move on. In my heart I believe that in some time, and some work he could of eventually gotten over what happened but I just don't think that he wanted to because he has this mind frame that things will be easier with someone else...

Comment #5

This might be tough to hear but it's true - when someone has made a decision about something - they are DONE and because they are done, their actions can sometimes feel cold and uncaring. The thing is - the clues were already in place that things weren't ok - hardly anything comes out of nowhere - people just rationalize and deny things because that's what they want to do. His current actions are indicative of being done with the relaitonship. Everyone has a point of no return - and when it's crossed - that's it. REspect is lost, love dies, indifference sets in. It may not be fair that he has a double standard here - it is reality. You crossed an unspoken boundary that he cannot move past with you - therefore - it's DONE. .

He likely was faking it because he 'hoped' he could actually feel it - as in 'fake it til you make it' When people are saying one thing and feeling another - it ALWAYS shows in their actions. Its like you when you are sad but put on a smile - people see the smile but 'feel' something is off.

I know this is difficutl - but dont hold out hope that he will realize the error of his ways and come back. Your future and destiny is NOT linked to anyone who would judge you and leave you. Accept that fact and let him go. You deserve someone who is more open and accepting and forgiving.

Toni..

Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.