June 14, 2006

Horse 566 - Vampire Day

Hello everyone, and Happy Vampire Day to you!

This comes from a suggestion that the 14th of every month be some sort of holiday for something. 14th February is Valentines Day, 14th March is White Day and 14th of July is Bastille Day, etcetera etcetera etcetera etc.

Vampire Day is the time of year we (meaning, basically, me) gather togeather to celebrate vampires, in particular my favourite vampire Count Dracula. Any way, here are some fun facts about Count Dracula:

Dracula's favorite food is Elf, blood type 0-.

Dracula is 532 years young.

Once, Dracula had a sidekick named Percy Teatherspoon, who was a seven foot tall axe wielding maniac. Every vampire needs a good axe wielding maniac to help disperse angry torch bearing mobs, wash windows, and sort mail.

Like all vampires, Dracula becomes very cross if his mail is not properly sorted. "Properly sorted" means it is filed into at least three catagories: fan mail, junk mail, and 'letters from people I should eat'.

Sometimes on his birthday, Dracula has the local children over to his castle for an egg hunt. Who ever finds the most eggs is deamed a subversive, and summarily stoned to death by the other children.

Other vampires when faced with a dying mortal whom they particularly like might offer him immortality. Dracula would offer you a delicious apple pie. Hmm, yummy.

Vampires, Ninjas and Pirates are unionised labour. They have their own health care fund and superannuation plans. This is yet another reason why they need sorted mail.

Because Vampires like Zombies are part of the undead, they can only be killed by a steak through the heart. Traditionally this meant one made from wood, though equally ones made of iron, steel or beef will work just as well.

Okay, that is all the vampire facts for now! For next week (or whenever next I update), send me your questions and I'll have Dracula answer them. Okay? Good then. Probably best you don't include a return address, lest he file you in category number three.