Friday, March 5, 2010

once again, its almost 3am.... but this time i was all comfy in my bed barely awake but then my mind got to thinking, and my heart began smiling.... so here I am. And let me just say, that I am still so blown away by all that the Lord is doing in me, my friends, my town, this nation... its so insane, and I still want more. the aching in my heart for more of his presence increases everyday. Just the other day I was thinking that right now, I am in the best place in my life that I think i have ever been in, but at the same time, I am more desperate than ever. I need God in my life more and more everyday. desperate for an encounter, in anyway, whether it be a intense prayer time, a sunny day, having a bible study with my best friend, just sitting quietly waiting on the Lord, getting touched while watching the IHOP webstream, or getting completely and utterly overwhelmed with Joy. everyday I am learning more and more that without Him I am Nothing. Recently, i have really been ( for the first time) feeling called to something, something much much bigger than myself. Feeling called to work for the Kingdom. I know that in the bible, the great commission calls us all as christians to go tell the nations of the good news, But i know that for the longest time I thought that that wasnt "my calling". and i think a good amount of christians today believe this too, that it just isnt "my gift", or that we arent good enough speakers.... and for anyone who knows me, you know that public speaking of any kind is like my worst nightmare.... but anywho i think you know where im going with this...but all of those are just excuses, fears that the enemy has planted in our minds to get us to waste time. and it works! I believe that one of the biggest tools that the enemy uses is to get us to waste time in persueing the kingdom of God, to make us distracted. Me and my friend tara, have recently started taking a evangelism class together, and it has been such a blessing to the both of us. it has opened a lot of oppertunities for us to gain confidence and to boldly be able to share our faith with others. Something that just a FEW WEEKS AGO, just the thought of doing would make me anxious and almost sick to my stomach with nerves, but now has almost turned into a everyday occurence. I cannot tell you how many nights at starbucks have ended up with having real. deep. meaningful conversations about Jesus, with complete strangers. Its so cool to see, because theres been a few times that me and tara would be just sitting at a table talking amongst ourselves, or reading our bibles together or something and people have come up to us asking questions and starting the conversations! its soo awesome! Its so amazing how God will and really wants to move through each one of us. And i am so thankful that God doesnt call us to be perfect, but to have a willing heart. If you are willing to partner with his heart then he is more than willing and more than able to move in really powerful ways!