Decriminalise crime, says prisoners' party

PRISON inmates have set up their own political party in preparation for getting the vote.

They want more mixed prisons, with sexy inmates

The Shawshank Party will campaign on issues such as the introduction of non-slip soap in prison showers, more top bunks and the legalisation of all forms of crime.

Party leader Roy Hobbs said: “Every year, crime blights the lives of thousands of people convicted of doing it, as well as placing pressure on public services like the bastard coppers who nicked me.

“Our plan is to eradicate crime by making it legal. For example, theft will be reclassified as ‘just borrowing something for a bit’, while murder will become ‘unavoidable life-shortening’.

“We are also concerned about wider issues such as the dire state of the economy, specifically consumer confidence. There’s little point in burgling someone’s house if all they’ve got is a portable telly and some Elizabeth Duke jewellery from Argos.

“Then there are the problems faced by young people, many of whom can’t afford to buy their first ounce of cocaine to get on the dealing ladder.”

Prison inmate Wayne Hayes said: “I’ll be voting for the Shawshank Party. I think they’ve got some really good policies on immigration, the EU and being allowed to brew toxic hooch from potato peelings.”

Roy Hobbs said: “2015 could really be the breakthrough election for us. I’m a convicted paedophile, but my popularity rating is still 26% higher than Nick Clegg’s.”