Advice [with commentary]

People cannot resist giving advice. Most of it is unwanted, unwarranted or useless. Shakespeare’s Polonius, he of “Neither a borrower nor a lender be,” was full of advice and was also a deceitful old fool. Hamlet rewarded Polonius for this advice by stabbing him: He should have stabbed him sooner.

While I am not planning to stab anyone, I am going to add my own curmudgeonly commentary to some advice and comments that I received recently.

Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes. [Wear more if it’s cold unless you are auditioning for a job as a stripper.]

If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a fifty percent chance you’ll die within the next three years. [So move around every 10 hours and 59 minutes.]

There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There is a 9% chance that you’ll meet one of them in your lifetime. [None of these people will look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.]

Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger. [Sleeping without a bed does not.]

A person’s height is determined by their father and their weight is determined by their mother. [It’s always your parents’ fault.]

If a part of your body “falls asleep,” you can almost always “wake it up” by shaking your head. [If your head falls asleep, you’re probably dead.]

There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing – food, attractive people and danger. [For men, this is defined as beer, large breasts and “honey do” lists.]

15 responses to “Advice [with commentary]”

Great stuff. You should check out the Absent Minded Professor on a show called the Royal Canadian Airfarce. It’s probably on YouTube or the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) web site. Comments like if I wake up in the morning and it doesn’t hurt am I dead?