Prospectus Hit List for September 11

Hit List for September 10
Hit List for September 12After six straight months of using this platform to poke fun at all 30 teams, I thought we could end on a high note. From the Dodgers to the Tigers, here's what every team has to look forward to in 2018. Thanks for reading, friends. It's been a blast. See you next year.

Hit List updates were published Monday and Thursday through the 2017 season. Data is based on games through the day prior to publication.Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

77

67

75.9

73.9

75.5

.525

.545

0.7%

23.2%

23.9%

-3.4%

11.8%

Idea: Take out half the seats and replace the existing ones with massage chairs and foot baths. You'll sell out every game at 20,000 a night.

2

83

61

81.6

80.9

79.1

.564

.583

67.6%

31.3%

98.9%

0.1%

3.3%

Time to start a pool for when Eric Sogard gets laser eye surgery. There will be a kicker for correctly predicting if he still wears glasses just for show.

3

76

69

76.5

70.0

71.0

.506

.526

0.1%

3.1%

3.1%

2.2%

2.0%

Luke Hochevar has struck out 29 of the last 66 batters he has faced. 11 of them have reached base.

4

77

67

76.7

74.4

75.5

.527

.547

0.1%

11.5%

11.5%

-1.1%

1.8%

Years from now, futuristic robot scientists will be unable to explain how Chris Davis and Brady Anderson are atop the Orioles single-season home run leaders, or what any of those things are.

5

88

58

89.5

89.2

88.6

.608

.627

99.8%

0.2%

100.0%

0.0%

0.7%

Back from the disabled list, Clay Buchholz improved to 10-0. Now they need to convert him to a reliever so he can vulture 10 more wins and steal the Cy Young from Max Scherzer.

6

84

60

87.9

82.2

82.0

.583

.564

64.0%

36.0%

99.9%

0.0%

0.4%

We should devise a true "ERA vs. lefties" stat just for Kevin Siegrist. Simply make up a number and keep it low. Nobody will question it.

7

75

69

72.0

73.9

72.5

.509

.489

0.0%

1.6%

1.6%

0.4%

0.2%

Technically by the last 10 games, they're are the hottest team in the National League. But we're going by outside average temperature, so thanks anyway.

8

63

80

61.5

65.0

64.8

.445

.464

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

All this sadness and yet: having finally played, and beat, Oakland this year, they hold a winning record against every AL West team.

9

64

79

65.3

63.7

63.4

.448

.429

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Matt den Dekker and Travis d'Arnaud batted back-to-back, which has to be the first time two people whose names began with lowercase d's appeared in consecutive order since E.E. Cummings was a manager.

10

66

78

58.6

58.8

60.8

.424

.404

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Zach Miner struck out the side in an inning of relief, provided you ignore those other three hits he allowed. You can still call it that, right?

11

66

77

61.9

62.5

62.7

.443

.423

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Eight runs? That's an offensive explosion! Pieces of bats everywhere. Alarms sounding into the frozen night. Children just bawling into their mothers arms, "why, mommy? Why did they score more than four?"

12

65

80

60.4

64.5

63.7

.437

.457

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

They dealt away Brendan Ryan to the Yankees for a player to be named later. It's pretty obvious this is Alex Rodriguez, because if he wins his suspension appeal, then he's clear to play next year.

13

65

80

64.0

68.9

69.5

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Yet ANOTHER game in which Yusmeiro Petit didn't throw a perfect game. He didn't even pitch. He's slipping.

14

67

77

67.7

64.6

66.6

.462

.482

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

An example of a headline that could get you fired at a newspaper when Anthony Gose hits a home run, as he did last night, is "Anthony Gose Yard." So please do not use this.

15

62

81

64.5

67.3

69.0

.459

.440

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

No doubt the 4-2 loss to the Cardinals was disappointing. They didn't even get to face John Axford.

16

53

90

57.4

52.9

53.8

.379

.361

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

It's been a while since Sunday school, but I'm pretty sure the Christian Yelich falls on the third Thursday of October.

17

67

79

70.8

70.0

66.9

.470

.450

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Here's an easy way to tell Todd Helton apart from Paul Konerko. Helton is "the other one."

18

58

86

61.8

61.0

60.8

.419

.439

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Conor Gillaspie may have had three errors in the box score, but his only error that mattered was failing to love himself.

19

87

57

87.4

86.0

82.6

.595

.576

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Craig Kimbrel has a career-worst 13.2 K/9, which is just downright awful. Twenty push-ups.

20

49

96

53.4

47.5

49.9

.344

.363

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

See, Jonathan Villar, aren't home runs more fun than stolen ba— oh, you also stole two bases. Carry on.

21

68

76

70.9

72.6

71.8

.492

.512

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Even though Mike Trout DHed last night, he still robbed the other team of a home run using magnets and telekinesis.

22

62

82

67.1

69.6

69.4

.465

.446

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

What was Edwin Jackson thinking during his home run trot? Probably, "Man, this is fun. No wonder everybody does this against me!" But I kid! Only most people hit home runs off Edwin Jackson.

23

85

59

81.0

84.3

82.3

.577

.558

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Mad with power, Vin Scully starts crank calling random numbers and telling them interesting facts about them that they didn't know.

24

82

64

83.6

85.3

85.7

.576

.557

11.0%

87.6%

98.6%

-0.5%

-0.1%

Congratulations on producing as many runs as the opposing pitcher! There is no award for this. Only shame.

25

83

62

89.4

96.0

95.5

.627

.646

99.2%

0.5%

99.7%

0.5%

-0.2%

Jhonny Peralta is back working out with the team. Probably for the best — he ran out of Candy Crush tickets.

26

83

61

76.9

79.5

80.7

.556

.536

25.0%

74.8%

99.8%

0.1%

-0.2%

Mark Melancon allowed multiple runs for the first time since August 31, 2012, when he was a beloved Red Sox reliever. (Beloved by someone, probably.)

27

72

72

71.0

69.0

68.9

.488

.468

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

-0.3%

Their playoff hopes are dwindling, but it's almost that time where they can start calling their northern friends and brag about the fair temperatures.

28

77

68

72.3

65.3

66.9

.485

.505

0.0%

8.2%

8.2%

3.5%

-2.3%

Alfonso Soriano has seven multi-homer games this year. Nobody else has more than four. Miggy and Chris Davis each have three.