Yet, we often seek the exact opposite when life gets stressful and we’re under pressure.

We do the wrong things even when we know better.

Because, the human mind has weaknesses. It becomes forgetful and insensible when it’s stressed. And the only way to conquer these weaknesses is to practice conquering them.

The mind is like a muscle, and just like every muscle in the human body, it needs to be exercised to gain and maintain strength. It needs to be trained daily to grow and develop gradually over time. If you haven’t pushed the mind in lots of little, positive ways over the course of time, of course it’ll crumble on the inevitable days that get overwhelmingly stressful.

The easiest strategy to practice strengthening the mind?

Daily Notes to Self

It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most. For Angel and me, that means pausing every day, as often as necessary, and reflecting on precisely what we need to remember. We write ourselves important visual reminders—our “notes to self”—like the ones below (all of which are now excerpts from our books—including our NEW one) and then we place them where we can easily see and reference them throughout the day (my notes are taped on the wall directly in front of my desk, and then I have one as the wallpaper background on my phone). Some people call them affirmations, or quotes, or prayers, on convictions, but in any case, these “notes to self” keep us on track by keeping our minds empowered with positive, peaceful trains of thought, even when life gets utterly hectic.

Through this daily training—this visual practice—Angel and I have ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with; peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be capable of maintaining a calm, collected mind.

To an extent, I know you’ve learned something similar over the years from experience, too.

But just like us, you often forget.

And that’s precisely why we have our “notes to self.”

So, my challenge to YOU is to start practicing alongside us today.

To get started, steal our “notes to self” below—perhaps just the ones that resonate most—and place them somewhere you can see them. Then, whenever you catch yourself feeling overly stressed out, pause for a minute and quietly read them to yourself. See how doing so gradually changes the way you think through life’s twists and turns and potholes.

(Note: For the sake of not being tediously redundant, I only wrote “Note to Self” as a precursor on the first note below. But you can use this precursor on all your notes if you like—some of our course students have told us they find the precursor to be a helpful visual hook, especially when they have their notes spaced out in different physical or digital locations.)

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10.

Use Different Forms of Notes, Too

Written “notes to self” like the ones above are powerful, but they merely scratch the surface of possibilities for beneficial visual reminders. For instance, I have my laptop’s desktop background set to a photo of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for. It’s so simple, but it helps.

I also know dozens of other people who successfully use similar visual reminders on a daily basis. A student of ours who has paid off nearly $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor at home; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he still wants to pay off. Another student keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that keep you stuck and take you farther away from your ultimate goals. Then use written “notes to self” and visual reminders of your goals to interrupt those negative impulses and keep yourself on track.

Your turn…

If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.

Which reminder—or “note to self”—mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?

Comments

M&A, your teachings continue to help me find hope and direction as I navigate some very tough transitions right now.

The advice here is a solid reinforcement for me, because lately, based on Angel’s recommendation via your course awhile back, I’ve been pretty much doing exactly this–I read a part of one of your emails, posts, or a page of your book almost every day before I leave my home in the morning. This daily ritual keeps so many things in perspective and creates a sense of subtle awareness that somehow encourages me to face the tough parts of my life more effectively. As you’ve said, the right thoughts are sitting closer to the top of my mind these days. Thanks for continuing to be a light in my life.

Such a great read all the way through to reinforce the positive possibilities for all of us in the ! I sincerely love how your reminder #1 wraps back around perfectly to reminder #10. Those are my two favorite, but the reminders in the middle certainly round them out.

Thank you for your emails, books, and your getting back to happy course. What you two teach and share continuously helps me grow through a very difficult time. Also, I attended your Think Live Better conference in San Diego a few weeks ago, and I just wanted you to know that I’ve been practicing self-inquiry and my gratitude ritual ever since. I have a long way to go, but I’m seeing progress. And reminders like the ones in this blog post are helping me forward. THANK YOU.

You are welcome, Kasey. And thank you for the positive feedback. It’s wonderful to hear how you are implementing the strategies you learned from both the Getting Back to Happy course and the Think Better, Live Better conference. We are truly grateful to be working with you.

I already use a similar method. At the nursing home where I work, they put out a daily ” What’s Happening” paper. It contains a little positive quote or cartoon. I clip the ones that seem to apply and put the on a clip board close to my desk. It is at a level where I see it when I enter the room and sit down. Seems to help. I am going to add some of your Notes to Self too.

Hi I’m going through an awful break up after 14 years together out the blue over Christmas he told me we were over and he met someone else!! Now I’m struggling no home no money and no relationship I also have an 11 year son who is about to be told by his dad he has met some one!! My son is my world but I’m still finding it hard to carry on!! I love reading all your stories it’s getting me through my sad mornings so I’m thankful to u guys!!!

Rita,
It might not look like there is light at the end of the tunnel but it’s there. I went through a terrible divorce and was blinded for a while but spend time with positive people and family and this will work out.

All of them applied to my life
#1 and #4 highlighted where I’ve been
#4 is a great one as I tend to want to go back in my “ shell” when things arent right. I am an avoider of confrontations. Im not so much anymore. Fave the situation with adversity! Focus on the inderlying cause and oush through it

#5 is something I’ve always had trouble with. My childhood was traumatic. From being molested at 11 yrs old by my best friend’s dad & a neighborhood teenage boy, I never understood why I felt so different. Felt like I didn’t fit in. My mom would not let me talk about things because she said it was in the past so I didn’t even confront those feelings till my 30s. In my relationships with men, I took the physical & mental abuse because I felt damaged & stayed because I thought it was part of being loved. I just wanted to fit in somewhere & feel loved so I took whatever I needed to. After my last serious relationship over 14 yrs ago, I became so negative & unhappy. I wanted to blame all that happened to me on why I felt so unloved & damaged. It was only last summer that I finally realized that I do not have to let what happened to me over 30yrs ago dictate my future. I almost ended my life because I thought I couldn’t take all the shitty things that had happened to me. But I now know that “I am” responsible for my life & future ahead of me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have thoughts & bad days but I’m way way better now. Calmer. I do not react to negative situations & people like I use to. I can leave my house which was hard for me to do.
I love these notes to self that you two have shared & will place some around my house, especially #5.

Thank you for all of your wise comments. I am coming out of a 20 year marriage that was suffocating my soul. Number 3 really resonated with me and your book and blog help me so much get back to my naturally happy spunk. I realize that I need to change my self talk and daily affirmations and gratitudes are great ways to do it. One of my favorite quotes from you in a previous post/email went something like this:

“It is much easier to fill the hole in your life where someone used to be than to fill the hole where you used to be.”

This is true. I felt like my self had been slowly erased. There are people in this world who lack empathy and therefore, they are incapable of loving and respecting us the way we all need to be loved and respected. I didn’t know what lessons I needed to learn from being in a one-sided relationship. Now I know I deserve better. My needs have to be at an equal level to the person that I am with. I matter too.

I hadn’t received one of these in a while and/or I hadn’t opened the emails to read fully in a while. Today, I opened it and #9 hit the mark! This was exactly what I needed to see today. I was just feeling bad that I should’ve switched to my dream job last year but didn’t because I wanted to keep my commitment to my team last year. This year I am doing all the right things to switch positions but as I was looking back with mild regret that I should’ve done it last year. Then, #9 came along and reminded me “I am exactly where I need to be”. I will get that opportunity again soon and I feel better prepared for it this year to be honest. Thanks for all the wisdom you share!

thank you for your teachings – which always resonate with me. A great quote I came across recently was:
“Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, power to retell it, rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change, truly are powerless, because they cannot think new thoughts.” (Salman Rushdie)

I started changing my life with “notes” when I visited a friend who was going through some bad times. She had them plastered on mirrors, walls, the bathroom, etc. It helped her and soon she had me collecting quotes, notes, etc. It would be nice if you two wonderful people could have a product line (like the old page a day calendars or daily diaries, or t-shirts) that had your quotes that we could cut out or save. I am constantly receiving such great benefits from all your positive and inspiring advice. Just a thought. Keep up the good work.

It seems we wrestle with our own issues, some inflicted by others or circumstances, for the first half of our life. I consider those issues as part of my “Life Test”. Choices, attitude, education and how I have dealt with others have shaped my life. For the most part, so far I’ve passed this test with a good grade. Your article is right on and each of your 10 points talked to me. I just started a Bullet Journal (at 70) and I think that your “Notes to Self” will be a dynamic addition. Thank you for your insight.

I struggle with insecurity and anxiety to a point where it prevents me from making positive steps in my life. Though it wasn’t said specifically in point five, I’m not a victim of anything. But my insecurities tell me I am and that there is no point. I will try so hard to remember that I’m not a victim.

The hard part — for many people — is undoing the damage previously done. To stick with the muscle/exercise analogy, imagine being trained from birth to do something wrongly, say handwriting, talking, walking or throwing a ball.

By the time you hit adulthood, you’ve got years of practice doing it wrong, reinforced by your teachers. Your muscles have “perfected” the wrong way. Now you notice that you are much more awkward at or far less capable of doing that thing than your peers. But you have no idea why. You try all kinds of solutions, but none of them really work because they all fail to address that your technique — you’re daily messages to yourself — are wrong.

Now you’re several decades into your adulthood. Through some kind of crisis or striving, you gradually discover that you’ve been doing it wrong! That there is a completely different way of doing it — but that correct way requires doing everything differently, and it requires, as this article describes, frequent daily training.

You’re now a novice at relearning, and you don’t have the parents and teachers you had as a child to provide positive reinforcement and support. In fact, in this modern society, most people are going to tear you down, and diminish your challenge. If you’re a man, it’ll be even harder because toxic masculinity is going to have taught you and your friends faulty ways of coping with this needed change.

That’s the situation in which far too many adults find themselves in modern America and elsewhere. Mental health, emotional supportive environments, growth mindsets are given short-shrift. If you were lucky enough as a child to have been given some pieces of the needed puzzle, you’re good to go to do most of your own work on yourself, and grow and appreciate life. If not; well, you’re likely screwed. The advice in this article works great for people in former group. It has a only a very small chance of helping a few in the latter.

This is not meant as criticism of the article. Rather it’s an argument for treating others kindly, and looking for opportunities to help everyone adjust their thinking in a positive way.

I keep “notes to myself” taped to my computer screen at work. One in particular helps me when I’m struggling with how to deal with difficult people, or when, for instance, my boss is getting on my last nerve and I feel like blowing up.

“All beings are just like me in wanting to avoid suffering and enjoy happiness.”

It puts us all on a level playing field again, with my eyes focused back on what is most important… my happiness.

On our life’s journey, one of the most important truths to keep in mind is that we have an unlimited number of choices available to us at any moment in time. We can change our path and the trajectory of our lives by being proactive. I agree that “taking the next step is what builds your confidence” and that our paths are created by the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other.

The movie, “People like us”, has a list of rules for life:
1) If you like something because you think someone else will, its a sure bet no one will.
2) Most doors are closed, so if you want in, you better have a really interesting knock.
3) Everything you think is important, isn’t. Everything you think is unimportant, is.
4) Lean into it. The outcome doesn’t matter – what matters is that you are there for it. Whatever it is you are doing, lean into it.
5) Don’t sh*t where you eat.
6) Never sleep with someone with more problems than you.

Thank you for compiling these and reminding us to repeat them I have forwarded this to several colleagues in different stages of life. # 10 speaks to several of my friends who have retired and are building a new career based on their passion.

While I have enjoyed your blog, FB page and books for some time…I now rely heavily on receiving a dose of “you can do this” since the love of my life – my husband of 31 years passed away 7 weeks ago. #6 resonates with me – I don’t feel like I will ever be free of the chaos of losing my soulmate, but I do have to work at staying centered as I move forward. My husband passed on Tue, Jan 23. I wake up every Tue with a number in my head…how many weeks it has been. I figured out that if I live 25 years from the day he died (which would get me to 80 yrs old) that will be 1300 Tuesday’s – I have survived 7. I have a long ways to go.

Thought number five is revolutionary for me. THAT statement alone is enough to inspire me to fight the wrong, harmful and negative thoughts I have fought all my life. And it removes the excuse to be angry with the people who should have known better. I no longer associate with those people, even many family members. I am responsible for what happens going forward. It won’t be easy but I have to just buckle down and fight to renew my mind. Thank you for your statement.