Jun

6

We were watching So You Think You Can Dance last night — well, I was watching it and JB was manfully commenting on the various boobs and ass-cracks and so on; I wouldn’t want you to think he was legitimately entertained by some dancing show — and towards the end there was this mention of a corporate sponsor, and we had to hit pause because did they just say . . . SNUGGLE with FRESH RELEASE?

Yes, yes they did (do not click that link unless you want to be barraged with ridiculous audio, I include it only to prove the existence of this campaign).

Okay, I know I am twelve years old but COME ON. Snuggle with fresh release? I am having a hard time imagining that at no point during this product’s rollout did one single person tentatively raise their hand and say, hey, I’m really sorry to be the one to take it there, but is anyone else considering the semen-soaked implications of this brand identity?

Maybe it was the best of the bunch, you know? Maybe they nixed Snuggle with Happy Ending, and Snuggle with Nocturnal Emissions, and the immediately-discarded Kleenex/fabric softener cross-marketing concept, Snuggle with Facial Shot.

By the way, apparently for a while there you could even get a TWO LOAD sample of FRESH RELEASE.

I heard that too, and almost shot (!) Dt Pepsi out my nose. My husband has been saying he has a fresh release for me, heh heh, all morning. I’m glad we’re not the only ones cracking ourselves up like a couple of 12 year olds with their first Playboy.

We published a children’s book last year that starred a cartoon gopher, and in early drafts there were several scenes of the gopher coming out of its hole, surrounded by clumps of dirt represented by curly black lines, in which it looked like, well, A DICK. A fat one. Thank god about fifty percent of us took one look at it and started giggling. Back to the drawing board!

I lead a sheltered life and have never heard it refered to as a fresh release!

Kathy on
June 6th, 2008 12:26 pm

Oh holy hell. I had to click on it. On a mission for upliftment…Just a little movement is all it takes to put an extra spring in your step…Try our 4 week upliftment plan and feel good every day… You can’t tell me that there wasn’t someone laughing their ass off writing all this. The whole website is wrong on many levels.

Our weather is going to suck too, but not the rainy kind of sucky–it’s more the ‘100 degree, (110 heat index!) 100% humidity, stick me in a furnace and it would be cooler’ sucky. This is the time of year that I absolutely hate living in North Carolina…..

Anonymous on
June 6th, 2008 1:08 pm

My son’s favorite toy was the box my vertical air-compressor came in. He played with for a couple of years.

Haaaaaa! He fits in the Cruiser’s box! That’s almost as good as watching him thunk into the wall.

Lesley on
June 6th, 2008 3:08 pm

I’m at work so I’ll refrain from commenting on Snuggly Emissions, but yeah, what you said…

I dare say Riley is up there with cat for the ability to cram self into tiny spaces (otherwise known as caves and lairs).

Re SYTYCD: I’m so in love with this show and the ability of its contestants, if for no other reason than it inspires me to try harder in my fitness routines.

I commend you on your fitness progress. Your arms look amazing (as does your tan…*sob* I am so pasty white and afraid to expose myself to the sun anymore…if you have any good self-tanning tips let us know). I appreciate the link to the yoga videos…those rock. I also agree with you on the Turbo Jam vids. I’ve collected most of them and love them all. I’m debating with myself whether to pay the outrageous Amazon rates for her ball workouts. By the by, Bravo’s Work Out show produced a DVD that’s gotten rave reviews and it’s inexpensive.

P.S. I’d like to comment on your fitness site but the thought of registering with one more web site for commenting privileges gives me gastric cramps.

Fresh Release, if you think about it, is a brilliant marketing ploy. Who buys tissues? Guys who masturbate and people who have a runny nose. Sure, they could do the usual and market towards the sick people, but WAY more people ejaculate, so, in effect, this company is appealing to a wider audience with their product…

Who am I kidding, one of their board members must be an internet forum member and is now LOLing his ass off…

Kathy and I seem to be the only ones dumb — er, curious — enough to click the link (no offense, Kathy), and I must say I agree with her assessment.

“On a mission for upliftment”? What the hell does that even mean?

Putting aside the clearly inappropriate “fresh releaseness” of it all, this “mission for upliftment” malarkey is cause for great concern.

Unless the whole thing is an ironic statement made by a Gen X or Gen Y (or whatever the hell we’re called) advertising person who worked his or her way up the ladder for 15 years, slowly toiling away, earning clients’ trust, only to someday, somehow, stick it to The Man by creating a superficially-delightful, yet comprehensively-subversive ad campaign for a major household brand.

Either that, or they’re idiots. You know, one or the other.

Sonia on
June 7th, 2008 11:30 am

Gah….stuck in the house….crappy damn Washington “spring”…..sick kid as of 3am…..Thanks for the idea, I’ll be finding a box for my child to play in promptly. Thanks for the giggle too, my droopy-bad mood-self needed that.

Elizabeth on
June 9th, 2008 6:03 am

There IS a “potty whisperer!” They’re talking about her on the Today show this morning, so I imagine you can get info about her on their website. She even has a potty training camp, apparently.

Oh no! I’m losing my touch! I didn’t even think naughty when I heard “fresh release”! I was too busy thinking “Um, guys? It’s a FABRIC SOFTENER!!! Jeeez!” Other irritating laundry-based commercials include that one where it looks like the woman is diving into a big clear lake and then it turns into her bedsheets. I don’t know about you, but laundry doesn’t thrill me that much…

Could be worse. Snuggle could have teamed up with Tampax. How would that go? “Snuggle up with pleasantly pink-stained vag plugs, now spring fresh, re-washable, and shaped like Snuggles the bear.” And instead of the girls in the commercial dancing around with CGI flowers, they could be butterfly’s made of maxi pads, with crimson rain or something. And Snuggles the bear could crumple over with cramps and pain, and get pissed at it’s boyfriend for leaving the toilet seat up, then tell him not to even try tonight. Then Snuggles’ boyfriend would be all cheerful like, “What a bitch, but at least she’s soft and fresh smelling!”

And as is the case with many of my comments I’m left with the age old dilemma of should I keep going or was that waaaaay too far.