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For this particular post the Dad behind the Rose Diaries is writing in response to a question posed by the lovely people at the website Little Stuff. They have teamed up with Aptaclub, who have launched a brilliant new ‘Preparing for Birth’ app to support Mums through the last trimester of pregnancy. The app is designed to help mum stay organised through editable checklists and answer questions with tips and advice.

So, the question being asked is ‘if only i’d known…..’

You know; those things that as you’ve gone through your parenting journey you’ve looked back with a grin and thought “If only I’d known…” In this case it will be answered by myself, from a male and new father’s perspective. so…here goes!

If only I’d known…the bath would no longer be a safe place to step into confidently, it is instead a deadly skating rink coated in the invisible remains of some sort of relaxing bath oil/cream/bomb used to help my heavily pregnant wife not get stressed.

if only I’d known… my bedroom would become an igloo one night and an oven the next. Fluctuating body temperature means you either wake up under a pile of discarded duvet next to a naked sweat bathed lobster woman or find yourself shivering,clinging to a corner of your quilt while the lobster woman has now turned into goosebump covered relation to jack frost.

If only I’d known…asking if we can find man-size maternity jeans for chicken and steak fajita night is NOT acceptable.

If only I’d known… At 3 am on the morning of our home (water) hypnobirth the tap adaptor would decide not to stay on the tap.

If only I’d known … Our midwife/mother in law/anyone I could think of wouldn’t answer my calls to tell them the baby is coming, meaning we had emergency midwives that couldn’t find our rural location, meaning I deliver my baby myself.

If only id known… I’D HAVE TO DELIVER THE BABY MYSELF.

If only I’d known…that when people tried to warn me I’d be a bit tired they actually meant I’d closely resemble a homeless zombie man-creature unable to shave or remove my comfy ‘lounging’ trousers for the entire first 2 weeks.

If only I’d known…the horrendous outcome of leaning back on the sofa and proudly holding my new baby girl aloft above my face right after 5 oz of breast milk has just been consumed. This, along with removing baby from shoulder during the burping process and peering into her mouth ‘looking’ for burps… is alot like peering down the barrel of a shotgun … foolish.

If only I’d known…more on burping babies.

If only I’d known … I’d have such a capacity to love something so unconditionally and totally, even at 12 midnight, 2am, 4am…

If only I’d known .. not to rub my tired eyes BEFORE checking my finger nails and hairs on my fingers after the 3am nappy change in the dark.

If only id known… my partners breasts would turn into Pamela Anderson’s and I am not allowed to touch/look/comment/discuss them, unless its in a paternal way.

If only I’d known … not to try and put on one of those babysling thingys on my own with no one else around to help get me out of it, partner arriving home to previously mentioned homeless zombie man creature wrapped in a spotty pink sling is not going to impress her.

If only I’d known ….

This post is The Rose Diaries entry into the Aptaclub ‘If Only I’d Known…’ competition