Tag Archives: family

Science overthinks Unconscious Bias. Unconscious Bias reasons people hold of interest to scientific and social communities, is commonly determined to be a bias against people(s) which an individual is not even aware they are biased against. No one escapes Unconscious Bias. One may be knowingly biased against people for demographics, skin color, or facial and body features, and this bias is Conscious Bias.

Unconscious biases are social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Everyone holds unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, and these biases stem from one’s tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing.

I disagree with how science has determined how Unconscious Bias occurs. I am of the opinion, Unconscious Bias comes from a much simpler and much older place and was active possibly before modern humans even developed language.

Unconscious Bias is likely built into our DNA, and is not something we can easily eradicate, and probably something we should not even try to eradicate. It is important to quantify the Unconscious Bias which I address. This is not an outright culture or race bias which is behind much of today’s news. This Unconscious Bias I wish to define has familial properties.

Unconscious Bias is likely in our DNA, and it should stay there

The Unconscious Bias I am talking about maximizes survival of the family unit, carried forward from our most ancient ancestors. Two hundred years ago (a blink of an eye), most of the world had a limited supply of food and clothing. In most of the world we were living a rural village life. There was the family unit, the extended family unit, and the remaining people who together comprised a village, perhaps one hundred people, probably less.

Village population was determined by resource allocation and our brain size. There was only so much food and clothing to go feed everyone. There were only so many people able to hunt and cultivate crops. There were finite supply of edible fish and animals within a reasonable hunting distance from the village.

When the family had food for the day, food was distributed by family ties. Perhaps Parents and grown Children were fed first. Grandparents and young Children second. If there was a food surplus, extended family would be allowed to share the food. After extended family, friends of the family would be given food. Finally, the rest of the village population would be given food.

Our brain size determines our social ability. The most brain growth in modern humans was done to increase our social ability. Today most of us have between one-hundred to one-hundred fifty people we socialize with in varying degrees.

Looking at Unconscious Bias through this perspective, Unconscious Bias has little to do with race, geography, skin color, or other artificial measurement. Unconscious Bias was developed for maximizing survival of the immediate family unit.

Starting with the immediate family unit (parents and children) who have a surplus, and extending to the village unit, everyone followed the same model. The more you are one of us (closer to a family matriarch), the better your chances of receiving extra sufficient food and clothing when available. As food distribution is extended, a non family member’s chance of receiving food diminishes the farther they are from being part of the family.

You can test this idea yourself as you go through your day. Pretend you have extra food available which must be given away as it will spoil soon. You have enough food to give to three people beyond the people in your immediate family. As you look at the people you see or have contact with, decide whether you would give them food or not.

I think you will find, the people you are most likely to feed are those people either closest to you or most like you. I think looking for ulterior motives and reasons for Unconscious Bias, and trying to eradicate Unconscious Bias in any other definition is akin to, “Beating a dead horse”. You can beat the dead horse into dust and powder, but it doesn’t change the fact the horse is dead.

Christmas and New Years is too often a time of stress, anxiety, and depression for too many people. Feeling overwhelmed and under budgeted, the next few weeks can feel miserable instead of happy and fun.

How much money needs to be spent on family and friends so they know you love them and are happy they are in your life? Little money really, except for maybe your children who tend to equate things with self worth and peer status. Too many of us have forgotten love and friendship are not purchased with gifts.

People who are your friends and people who love you do not need anything other than returning those same feelings they give you. We are always happiest knowing others love and care for us. Return the goodness and let others know you love and care about them too.

It is wonderful to open a present and find something really unusual that you wanted. It feels better to receive a hug, phone call, email, im, card or letter from someone telling you they appreciate having you in their life.

Things are temporary. They last a short time and then they are gone. Life is more enjoyable thinking fond memories of friends and family, than it is thinking about some great gift you received some years ago.

Things are temporary, wonderful until we forget about them

Most of us do not think much about what we have, and where it came from. We think more about friends and family. We remember the mostly good times we had with others over the years. Memories are what we store away and pull out in the future. Memories float our boat.

If you are one of those people who feel run down, run over, or just plain tired of the holidays think about this post. The amount of money you spend, the parties you attend, the gifts you give are momentary. The important part of life is letting your friends and family know they are important to to you and your life.

Give a gift of yourself, your friendship and love. Those in your life now, and in the future will &treasure the gift of you that is with them always. It’s not having what you want…It’s wanting what you’ve got – Sheryl Crow “Soak Up The Sun”

What I thought as a surprising comment was made to me, and I am not sure what my reaction should be to the comment, if any. It all surrounds a coffee cup. Actually two coffee cups. Some years ago, the flower people, FTD came out with a rainbow cup. It is a white cup with a rainbow on each side of the cup.

This cup has become a symbol for the LBGT community

My Mother purchased one of these cups and flowers(?) for her older sister. Her older sister reciprocated and bought one of the same cups for my Mother. These coffee cups were very special, and took Sister Bonding to the highest level ever. No idea why, but these cups did.

They would call each other, and in the conversation, one would either be drinking from their rainbow cup, or tell the other sister, they had used their earlier in the day. Each had several coffee cups and mugs in the cupboard, but their rainbow cups were very special to them.

Bottom of FTD Rainbow Cup

My Mother died some years back, and I inherited her FTD Rainbow cup. Some years later, my Aunt died, and I was fortunate enough to also inherit her FTD Rainbow cup. I use one of them, and the other is put away. It brings them back in my memory, thinking warm and happy thoughts of them.

I was drinking a cup of tea the other day using one of the rainbow cups, when someone visiting observed, “You know that is an LGBT cup don’t you?” Someone else is going to see you drinking from it and assume you are Gay.” “Huh? Was my response.” I didn’t expect that one.

I become confused with ideas like this. Okay, I understand that Rainbows have been adopted as a symbol for the LBGT community. Good for them I suppose. Rainbows have been adopted by many people and groups over the years.

The oldest adopted Rainbow I am aware of is the sign of the new covenant in Christianity. The newest Rainbow I am aware of was the bond between my Mother and her Sister. Until in the conversation when I learned it is a LGBT symbol.

For me, the FTD Rainbow cups represents happy memories of times passed between my family members. I think this is the most important meaning for the two cups for me. Any thoughts one way or the other about the cups and the comment?

A phone call from the past last evening made me realize how much I really miss my sister Lana. She was nuts, but she was always there for me. She would go off on these tangents of thought. Wasps for example. I never really thought about Wasps, but Lana was consumed by them for months on end.

She asked me during one phone call if I ever noticed how high tech Wasps were? I had to admit, I really had not given wasps a lot of thought. Lana pointed out to me how their insect body shape was different than other insects. They looked as if they wore helmets. They were streamlined, made for flying fast. Lana thought they came from a different place than most insects. Some high tech aliens introduced them to the earth was a possibility.

I listened to Lana talk for hours on end over the course of a summer about how cool and unique Wasps are. She was feeding a Wasp colony, and wrote the editor of the local paper about it. The paper published almost of her letters over the years. Humor maybe? It did not matter to Lana. Something as uniquely odd as feeding Wasps sugar water was perfectly normal in Lana’s thinking.

When Lana wore herself out about Wasps, she would get around to me. It was an expectation that I had come across or was thinking about something oddly unique. I do not remember much about my end of the conversations, it has been a while. For some conversations I would struggle to come up with a topic, thinking what I would say why she prattled away. Generally I would choose a topic Lana would relate too.

Sometimes Lana amazed me with her insights. Other times, she would go through three or four phone calls hashing over something that was important only to her. Lana made a connection between whales, dolphins, and birds one year during one of the single topic multi conversations we shared.

Lana told me that God created certain animals that performed specific duties for the earth. Sea mammals, some fish, and birds all had a specific role. Through their calls and chatter, they introduced and maintained a calmness over the earth, in the air and the sea. Without these animals, Lana told me, all animals would live in excessive fear because there would be no calming voices in the background of our hearing.

I shared her thoughts with friends at times. Frozen looks, and no response were the norm. I did not mind, her fixation was never ordinary. Often it took a leap in thinking to get to her level. I was okay with it.

Love and relationships were out of the question. Taboo to put it mildly. She had lost any normal feelings of love and family, thirty years ago. We traded letters and talked in person when I was in town, and over the phone for almost thirty-five years. “I love you”, was never once uttered.

Anything tribal, Native American, or low IQ people were off limits. This was the domain of the ‘nuts’ part of Lana. I would listen to her berate, lament, and attack these groups of people for what would seem hours. Then she would get it out of her system, and she would return to almost normal.

I was able to share many parts of my private life, and my private thoughts with Lana when she was connected with the idea that her brother was on the other end of the phone. I think that was the greatest thing about having a Sister whose connection with reality was fragile.

Lana was a steel trap about my innermost thoughts. Nothing I told Lana in three decades ever went from Lana to another person. All my secrets were safe with Lana. I could express my fear, frustrations, and occasionally my warped thinking with her. Lana would take each utterance of mine, dissect it, rehash it, and find some value in it for me, unless it infringed on one of her taboo topics. When I infringed on a taboo area, the phone would end shortly.

I would wonder what I was giving Lana, that she needed in return for her listening to me. After some years, it became obvious we were different sides of the same coin. I listened to Lana and she listened to me. For Lana it was enough of a connection, probably the only one she could make. For me, Lana was my repository of thoughts that would never really see the light of day.

Lana spent most of her adult life seeing counselors in one form or another. Maybe she took on that role when it was my turn to create conversation. Maybe she was really interested in what I had to say.

There are parts of all of us that should never see the light of day for various reasons. They need to remain in the cracks and crevices of our mind. I know now, how fortunate I was to have a sister like Lana. She did not mind that I too had a side of me that was not public I could share with her. Maybe we kept each balanced.