Sam Biddle

A new challenger appears! Boasting augmented powers of concealer thick enough to deflect a laser and hair extensions like something from a taxidermy shop, our red-dressed heroine is poised to steal the throne. The throne of iPad portraiture terror-demons.

Before we fly in an elite team of priests and counterterrorism experts to send this Jersey Shore prototype back to the lab and/or hell she surfaced out of, let's decide if she is in fact the worst, compared to the reigning champion on the right.

Facial expression: No contest, White Top looks like she's simultaneously being disemboweled and achieving orgasm. A potent combo and the stuff of nightmares that give you nightmares during your nightmares.

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iPad Choice They look the same. Both opted for data plans, so each is awarded the same number of points. Impossible to tell if one elected for LTE.

Pose: Red Dress is actually standing in a pretty normal condition. She looks friendly! Meanwhile, White Top is bent over like she's going to leap through your monitor, burrow into your face, and start laying parasite eggs.

Final Score: Both women are using an iPad to take a self-portrait in a mirror, so they are both horrible people. And no, you don't have to look like you woke up in a Long Island bar for this judgment to apply. Guys look idiotic doing this too.