-Has been hiding in the end stall at the women’s restroom, the one where you never see anyone go in or come out of but you can tell someone’s in there because you see the feet.

-Killed Osama in 2003 and assumed his identity.

-Hanging out with John Lennon, Elvis, and JFK somewhere much more fun without us.

-Flew safely around world very slowly and just arrived. Did not notice that any time had passed because she landed in the Virginia State Legislature in the middle of their most recent debate on women’s rights.

-Wrote to inform us of her safe return thirty years ago. Letter, ironically, lost in mail.

-On a mysterious island full of smoke monsters and other strange phenomena that took eight seasons to reveal it was a metaphor.