Rev. Michelle Torigian

As many of you know, I will be moving back to southern Illinois to be the senior pastor of St. Paul UCC in Belleville. The move brings me closer to my mom which is a blessing only a few months after the death of my dad.

This next Sunday, June 3, is my last Sunday at St. Paul UCC, Old Blue Rock, Cincinnati. This week, I will be wrapping up my seven-year tenure with this wonderful congregation. And so I ask for prayers for both my new congregation and my ministry as we start our journey together.

I ask for blessings upon my current church as they move into a time of transition. May they hear the movement of the Spirit and understand where God is calling them.

I ask for blessings upon my SONKA clergy colleagues. May your Ministries be fruitful, and may your journeys with your congregations be ones full of joy and growth.

I ask for blessings upon our SONKA churches. May the Spirit of God lead them to newness and excitement.

I ask for blessings upon our SONKA staff and association minister. We give thanks for their support of our churches, for gathering us together in covenant as the Body of Christ. May their leadership assist us in seeing the God in our midst.

I ask for blessings upon the Ohio Conference. As decisions are being made about the future of the Conference, we pray that God’s call becomes clear as new roads are taken.

I ask for blessings upon our denomination. May we be one even in our autonomy. May we see the great Vine that connects us. May we work together to cultivate God’s justice and peace in our world.

This week, I read a Washington Post article about Paige Patterson, president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary who had a recording surface in which he stated his beliefs on abuse in marriage.

Patterson stated that a woman should “ask God to intervene” through prayer. He mentioned “You have to do what you can in the home to be submissive in every way that you can and to elevate him.” Paterson also said that he has encouraged women to leave in the worst cases – but only temporarily – because divorce is against God’s will. He released a statement on his previous recording, still not confirming that a woman abused by her husband should permanently leave him.

What Patterson fails to see is that maybe God is intervening in this relationship by calling the abused individual to leave. Sometimes, a woman will give everything she has to be submissive and build her husband’s ego – which Patterson stated she should do. What he doesn’t realize is that her husband will probably still find one tiny thing wrong and take her to task for her imperfection. Praying away abuse does not work but praying for strength to find a healthy life is what is needed in times like this.

What Patterson also does not realize is that abuse often escalates. It may start as emotional manipulation and eventually move to pushing and, later, hitting. When an abuser kills their spouse, it’s often after much time of emotional and physical abuse.

Patterson is far from the only clergy who encourages a wife to stay with her husband during abuse. When going on social media and the internet, many stories surface on the times women have been told by their pastors to stay with their husbands and try harder.

But what about divorce? Doesn’t Malachi 2 state that God hates divorce?

Yes, but does anyone really like divorce? Two people are separating their lives from one another, and no one wants to experience this pain and grief. Yet realizing that the circumstances of the relationship may be unknown to us is crucial. Divorce needs to be placed in the correct context.

In the Hebrew scriptures, the word for divorce meant to abandon or toss out. It was used in texts such as when Abraham expelled Hagar and Ishmael, leaving them vulnerable and without resources. Women didn’t have the same agency during Biblical times as we do today, so these women needed to be married or associated with a man in order to survive. This is not the same as needing to leave a relationship in order to escape abuse. When being abused, women often need to leave in order to survive. Like Abraham and Hagar, abandoning someone who will then experience poverty through divorce is unethical. But abandoning someone in order to find safety is another circumstance altogether.

Women of faith do not deserve being told by their Christian leaders that they must stay in an abusive relationship just because Biblical texts state that divorce is wrong. Women of faith must understand that each of these texts were written in various contexts. The New Testament epistles mentioned that women shall submit to their husbands. However, in Genesis 1, women and men are both created in the image of God. As leaders in the Christian faith, we are called by God to promote a message that all people have dignity and encourage others to make healthy decisions for themselves.

Around this time twenty years ago I left an emotionally abusive relationship. I was exhausted being told over and over that I wasn’t good enough and being blamed for non-issues. The experience made a lasting impact on me. While we were not married, I could see how someone being emotionally abused in a marriage would need to remove themselves from their abuser’s presence. There should not be blame on a woman (or any gender) who leaves a relationship to protect their body, mind and soul. God values each of us and longs for us to love ourselves as God loves us.

Just like God hates it when people leave their significant others destitute in a breakup or divorce, God hates when people manipulate and abuse the ones with whom they are in a relationship. All of us reflect the image of God, and if our significant others do not respect this, then we need to find a new path in our lives.

If you or a friend need additional information on domestic violence or abusive relationships, go to http://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233.

Theologian Karl Barth claimed “Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible.” Each week, many of us preachers adhere to this advice. We review the Scripture which we have chosen (often from the lectionary), attempt to understand it from the context in which it was written, and then apply the text to today’s world.

Unfortunately, I find it more and more difficult to hold the Bible in one and the newspaper in the other. Engaging in this practice requires me to address the world today. And often the lectionary texts with which we are preaching feature Jesus radically attempting to change the world.

For instance, this week’s text featured Jesus turning over tables in the Temple. Jesus is protesting the powers-that-be and the corrupt commerce practices of the time. And he doesn’t just voice his concern but decides to physically disrupt the exploitive dealings. Like I mentioned in my sermon this Sunday: it’s interesting that we criticize people who are protesting today and yet we don’t criticize Jesus for protesting very radically during his time…

As I hold Biblical texts like this alongside recent events, I cannot ignore the speeches and marches by students who are standing against gun violence and for gun control. I cannot dismiss protestors who see a members of the community unjustly targeted by community authorities. I cannot forget the women who are speaking out against sexual abuse and harassment.

And yet, here we are in congregations which hold a variety of views. As pastors, we are called to be prophetic, addressing the injustices of our time and pointing out in scripture where the prophets spoke out against gaps in the system. Yet we must walk the fine line between being prophetic and pastoral, praying and searching for the best words to use and hoping that we present the issue with the appropriate amount of pressure for our particular congregations.

During my 45ish years, I’ve never seen so much division in our society based on political and theological beliefs. As the Church, I believe we are called to find common ground between all of us and continue to converse on these subjects…

…But I must admit that on some Sunday mornings – when the text offers a prophetic tone and the issues of today are calling us to address – all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. I do not want to be the one who stirs the pot. The simplicity of brunch with friends or sleeping until 11am would be delightful. And somehow, God has called many of us pastors to lead the conversation. God has called all of us to leave our homes on Sunday morning to wrestle together – no matter how liberal or conservative our politics or who we voted for in 2016.

So let’s join together in this uncomfortably holy space- ready to experience God in the chaos of this time. As we pastors approach the pulpit, we may have dry mouths or racing hearts as we wonder how our message will be received. We realize that our message may infuriate some. We understand that we are called to take up the cross and follow Jesus into the depths of radical love. But know that we are trying to be as faithful as possible to God in this 2018 world, loving our congregations as we fulfill our callings.

I’ve always had the the tendency to push myself when sick. I’d go to school with a 102 fever because I had a band concert that night and dragged myself into work with chills and aches because nobody else could fill in. This lifestyle works well in your teens and twenties and possibly into your thirties when you have copious amounts of energy. But now that I’m in my 40’s, functioning-while-sick doesn’t work for me.

So when I saw this past week’s lectionary text as Simon Peter’s mother-in-law jumped up and starting to serve as soon as Jesus heals her nudges me to want to say “seriously?!?!?”

Even if my 102 to 103 degree temperature had dropped down to 98.6 immediately, there was no way I (or any normal human being) would be bouncing around playing host. If any of you have had this flu this year – and it’s a doozy – you feel like a train has hit you.

While you are sick, you have no idea how you will have enough energy to walk to the fridge to get something to drink and take some ibuprofen. And at the same time, you want to be well so that you can live a full life into the calling that God has given you. There are those of us who love our calling so greatly that we want to get back to work as soon as possible after illness. On some level, it makes sense that Peter’s mother-in-law decides to start working immediately after she starts to feel better.

So here’s the thing I was thinking about this week, lying in bed sick reflecting on this text: first of all, we need to be better stewards of health in every way. Jesus is not here to heal us in the ways he did back in the first century. However, God has provided us other systems to heal. When we are sick with fevers, we need to have systems where people can stay home and rest so that fevers will go away. Service workers should not be at work with a 101 degree fever and the flu getting more sick and getting others sick. Paid time off for being sick needs to be available in every industry.

Second, we need to find ways to have more affordable health care systems. Sure- this is a controversial issue, and we as the Church must find ways of finding common ground for solutions. Jesus was a healer – one who didn’t require co-pays. He didn’t stop to help people with preexisting conditions. But what would it look like to start small – even providing free flu shots to people in need?

Third, we as the Church need to be available to people who have no one when they are sick. It’s hard to crawl to CVS for medication when you have a 101 fever. (Yes, I did it.) Some of us do not have the people around to pick up what we need when we need it. What if we created a system in which we can call on each other to run to the store to pick up needed medication and food? And those of us who have no one and have relied primarily on ourselves must be willing to ask for help – not driving ourselves to the ER at 12am in a feverish state (yes, I did that too). Pride can increase our illness, and it’s up to us to ask for help.

Fourth, when it comes to our God given callings, we want to get up and go. That’s a good thing. If I was present at this dinner that Peter’s mother-in-law gave, I would have said this to her: MIL, please make sure to get some rest as soon as you are finished tonight. Take it easy in these next couple of days, ok? Even Jesus, the great caregiver and healer, got up and went to a deserted place to pray. He needed to be renewed too. I’m sure even Jesus would have told Peter’s mother-in-law to pace herself as she doesn’t want a relapse.

If Jesus were here today, he would want us to be as well as possible and advocate for the health of all people. So if you can get a flu shot, remember to get one. Walk and eat healthy. Take your vitamins. Get enough sleep. Pause when you are sick, and when you are well, live life fully into the call that God has given you.

When I was a child, I often watched the show Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Now, as some of you may know, Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister who attended Pittsburgh Theological Seminary.

One of the songs he would sing on his show was called “I’m Proud of You.” The lyrics included the following:

“I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you.
I hope that you’re as proud as
I am proud of you.
I’m proud of you.
I hope that you are proud of you, too!”

My parents picked up on this song, and they adopted singing this verse on occasion – even into adulthood. I’m sure that I got very red in the face and felt very dorky having my parents sing a song like that to me, but what a blessing it was to have two parents who could encourage me in my journey.

Often in our journeys we fall short on encouragement and encouraging others. Through this lack of support, many become distracted from the gifts that remain inside of them and their calling by God.

Mark 1 offers a vision of God who encourages Jesus as Jesus begins his public ministry. As many of us read on Sunday, Jesus emerged from the waters of his baptism. As he broke through the water’s surface, God offered him the affirmation “You are my son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.”

This sense of being pleased extends beyond Jesus; this claiming of a child or adult as one of God’s children is not reserved just for Jesus. As we are all God’s children, God sees us for who we are at the core of our soul. God sees us through a Divine lens – eyes that allow God to see our whole self which is something we cannot attain while here on this earth.

I have this feeling that God is more proud of us than we imagine. Now, maybe God isn’t as proud of everything we do, obviously. But in our efforts to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly, God is proud of us. This is not that unhealthy sense of pride that is all consuming and full of arrogance. God genuinely wants us to know how appreciative God is about our efforts and gifts. God wants us to believe in ourselves and our neighbors as much as possible. God wants us to encourage one another after we fall down and as we rise.

Romans 12 mentions the gift of exhortation, or encouragement. While some are given this as a primary gift, I still believe that we are all called to offer encouragement to those surrounding us. Through encouragement, people embrace the positive and are able to confidently live into God’s call for their lives.

Maybe some of us or our neighbors haven’t felt that sense of accomplishment in a while, because declining health and energy, or repeated “failures,” or mental illness. But that doesn’t make God less proud of you. God still thinks you are amazing! God wants you to keep doing what you can with whatever energy you have. And God wants us to continue to join in encouraging others and believing that there is a beloved blessing at our core – just waiting to be shown to the world.

Being a member of Generation X, I’ve learned of the necessity to roll with the continuous changes in communications. When I was a child, we had rotary phones with cords that would extend only so far. When I was a teenager, computers became part of our world, but since the World Wide Web had not become a reality for most people, it wasn’t a way to communicate with people across the miles. Fax machines and cell phones started becoming part of our system of communications in my teens and early twenties. By the time I graduated college, the internet was becoming a means to reach out. And now, simple cell phones are limited in their capability, and those of us who communicate often and with multiple generations need to utilize smart phones. As new communication methods develop, others die. Rarely these days do we use fax machines and rotary phones to communicate. The upside is that we are able to reach out great distances within seconds using technology of which the early church leaders would never have dreamed.

As a pastor, I see the need to correspond with my congregants in a variety of ways. For those who didn’t grow up with much technology, phone calls and mail through the postal service are the best means of communication. Many people who are Baby Boomers, Generation X and older Millennials prefer social media avenues like Facebook or communicating through email. Still younger people prefer other communication means which we middle-aged people aren’t too familiar. And yet, as the Church, we are called to reach out to each out these groups of people in their chosen ways of connection.

I understand that many of us don’t want to venture into this new territory. But through the example of Paul, we know that communicating to various groups in their preferred method is what we are called to do. 1 Corinthians 9:20-23 states “To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law) so that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, so that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I might by any means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.”

No longer can we afford to say “You must communicate in the way we desire.” We must follow the example of Paul who was willing to venture outside of his comfort zone to reach people for the sake of sharing God’s love and grace. We must be willing to invest in a website and create content for social media in order to reach new generations of people who may be yearning to connect with God.

This is a wonderful time to explore communications and the Church. How will we use various communication mediums to reach more people in our local churches and our larger church settings? Do we begin to wonder what the next type of popular communication method may be in the future? Will we all be eager to try it for the sake of the gospel?

If you are interested in dreaming of new ways to communicate in SONKA, please feel free to reach out to me at michelle.torigian@gmail.com.

Warning: Please note that this may be a trigger for survivors of rape, sexual assault, and harassment.

Lately, we’ve heard that more high profile members of the entertainment and sports industry and prominent politicians have been known to harass or assault women, using their power to exploit, embarrass, and denigrate women.

Because of these stories, on social media, the #metoo hashtag and posts began to emerge. In the past couple of days, all of a sudden my Facebook feed was flooded with accounts by many women and as well men and non-binary gender friends who had been harassed and assaulted in their lifetime.

I knew I could not be silent either.

I have my own stories of #metoo. One specific story included being patted on the bottom by my coworker when I was about 27 years old. I’ve been catcalled, pressured to give my phone number when guys have not taken “no” for an answer, and trailed by a man in a car because he wanted to know who I was.

Like most women, we’ve gotten used to verbal harassments and being touched without our consent. And we’ve gone time and time again without sharing the stories with our friends and family. Maybe we’ve justified it in our head that it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe we don’t believe that we will be believed by others. In any case, we’ve stayed silent.

Just like the Ecclesiastes 1:9 text states “there is nothing new under the sun,” we are called to remember the women who were assaulted in scripture. There are the stories that have always been acknowledged as rape: Dinah (daughter of Leah and Jacob) in Genesis 34, Tamar (daughter of David) in 2 Samuel 13, and the rape of a concubine in Judges 19.

But what we often don’t recall are the other stories of non-consensual sex and harassment in scripture. For instance, concubines were often required to fulfill duties such as birthing children for their master couple and carrying a pregnancy resulting from probably less-than-consensual encounter: Hagar for Sarah and Bilhah for Rachel. Bathsheba was summoned to King David’s quarters. Could Bathsheba turn down sex at the king’s request? Likewise, Vashti, first wife of King Ahasuerus, was asked by him to be paraded around in front of his friends and objectified. She refused and was banished.

Men have also been harassed and threatened as well. The story at Sodom was not one of men consensually becoming intimate with one another; instead, it was a story where the men of the town threatened to rape the town’s guests. (We also cannot forget that Lot offered his daughters to be raped instead). Lot then himself experiences non-consensual intimacy with his daughters when, out of their desperation for children, they offer him alcohol. He accepts, taking advantage of him in his drunken state, and becoming pregnant with their father’s children.

It’s difficult to acknowledge that some scriptures allow for rape. Deuteronomy 28:28-29 states “If a man meets a virgin who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are caught in the act, the man who lay with her shall give fifty shekels of silver to the young woman’s father, and she shall become his wife. Because he violated her he shall not be permitted to divorce her as long as he lives.”

But what we forget is the primary message of Genesis 1: both women and men are created in the image of God and that Jesus commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves. With every rape, assault, and harassment, and every time we judge victims of assault, human dignity is robbed and both God and humans are harmed.

What can we do about this? When we hear these stories from our loved ones, listen and affirm their experience. Do not ask them what they were wearing, what they were drinking, questions about their sexual history, etc. Do not ask why they didn’t tell anyone until now. Consent tells us that even when someone changes their mind and decides against intimacy at the very last minute that they are allowed to change their minds without their bodies being assaulted. We should acknowledge that both women and men are assaulted, and they need to find grace from their horrific incidents. Furthermore, each person should reflect upon how they interact with the people around them, wondering if the way they touch is triggering or harassing to their neighbors.

Pastors: do not be afraid to preach, teach, or write on the Scriptures that focus on harassment and assault. I’ve once heard that if we preach on issues like assault, our congregants will feel safer to share their stories. However, it may be wise to alert the congregation of a “trigger warning” in case the sermon or written post may bring forth unexpected emotions in survivors.

Local congregations: ensure that we have safe church policies in place.

Each of our bodies is our own. They are all made in the image of God, and no one has a right to touch or make decisions about our bodies without our permission. With the flood of #metoo posts, maybe we will stop turning our heads from the reality that rape culture exists. Maybe this will be the movement where we all begin to vocalize our pain and stop allowing rape culture to continue as it always existed.

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Please see the following links:

For a sermon on Bathsheba and consent, listen to Rev. Leah Roberts-Mosser’s sermon For All the Bathshebas preached at Community UCC in Champaign, IL.

For a scripture study on gender based violence written by UCC clergy, go to the @withHagar page on Facebook.

For anyone who made need, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is (800) 656-4673.

I must admit that my brain is still in a fog of grief and in the whirlwind of how fast a human body can decline from an illness. In the coming days, I’ll be riding a roller coaster of emotions. I know this because, as a student, I learned in class and clinical pastoral education all about the range of emotions that comes with grief.

But now it’s my time to experience this journey through grief first-hand.

My dad was someone who expressed to everyone how good of a job they were doing. He would hand out $2 to strangers. In his personal life and his professional life as a high school Civics teacher, he embodied Micah 6:8- doing justice, loving kindness and promoting humility.

I have little to say today. But in the spirit of my loved one, make sure to tell someone how great of a job they are doing. Tell your former teachers and mentors who made a difference what kind of impact they made in your life. As I read the beautiful comments that my dad’s former students have written, I see the positive impact that we can all make on one another, and I believe we are called to express this gratitude while the person is still with us. See another person through the eyes of God.

Take time today to enjoy the small things and appreciate the people surrounding you.