Which should be noted for two reasons. 1. This has gotta be like the first time ever. 2. And probably the last time ever because it is balls hot in LA right now. He probably fainted after this picture was taken.

Also, in Breaking News Taylor Lautner loves Solomon Trimble and that other Native American dude who got fired after Twilight that he carries around a picture of them in every movie he does… witness:

Awwww he carries a flame for the OGW the original wolfpack…

I like that I live in a world where Taylor Lautner, international movie star and heart throb carries around a picture of him in an awful wig, that one guy and Solomon in a horse blanket coat. It’s like the only soldier who made it through a battle carrying around his fallen comrades dog tags in remembrance.

Sadly, Taylor Lautner and the props people of Abduction don’t live in the same world. And THAT is a sadness.

BUUUTTT We ALL live in a world when you google image search “Solomon Trimble” a ton of the top images are from LTT. SUCCESS!!!!

Breaking News…. I need a life,
Themoonisdown

Srsly, did anyone else think that when they saw this still from Abduction? Also, can we pass a law making it illegal for Kellan to be wearing a shirt within 500 feet of a body of water of a 24 Hour Fitness??

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual)..

Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations..

Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk..

In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*.

Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back..

While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality..

Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card..

You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

It’s been awhile since I considered another actor who could play Jacob. I never really cared about the drama way back when before Taylor had the job for New Moon for sure. Except that it was fun to see what other meat-head guido dudes wanted the role. I liked Taylor. He was a cute kid & I felt kinda bad that his job was up in the air for awhile.

Try and tell me you're not wowed

Then he proved everyone wrong & ate his little baggies filled with meat (< — read that and reminisce (ps there’s a video)) and wowed us with his abs. And despite his goofy smile & kinda little-boy voice, he is completely believable as Jacob. So much, in fact, that Mr. Choice thinks he’s “So much better than that Paddleston guy.”

I was never on Team Jacob. Not when I read the books, and definitely not after I saw Rob Pattinson as Edward. But a conversation with LTT-turned-Real Life Friends Lula & CalliopeBlabs yesterday made me realized I could have been Team Jacob, if the right guy was playing him.

Let me introduce you to Caleb from Pretty Little Liars (Surprised? Did you think my obsession with teen things stopped at Twilight? Heck no! I watch this drama-mystery on ABC Family every week!)

He’s Hot:

He’s Native American I actually have no idea- but he looks it:

He could have been Jacob (He’s skinny, yes, but he could have easily bulked up. I think Taylor Lautner could’ve let him in on his ‘roids meat in baggies secret)

I could be your Jacob

What do you MEAN you didn't want to bang me? I'll let you pull my hair...

And if he was…. I would’ve been in a tricky place. I’m used to thinking Taylor is a cute Jacob and loving the chemistry between him & Bella, but that’s it. It’s not enough- it doesn’t make me question my allegiance to Edward. And I thought that’s because I was a “True twilight Fan” always dedicated to the REAL love of Bella’s life…. (Or something like that. I don’t actually sit around and think about my allegiance to the series too often, surprisingly) But.. it’s possible that I feel that way because, in the beginning I never read Jacob as the more attractive of the two characters. And then when the movie came out, Taylor didn’t change my mind. But what if someone had? What if CALEB (oh yeah- his real name is Tyler Blackburn) was Jacob & I was JUST as attracted to him as I was Edward? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN??? WOULD THE WORLD END? WOULD STEPHENIE MEYER CRY? WOULD I WEAR A TEAM JACOB SHIRT TO BED INSTEAD OF MY TEAM EDWARD SHIRT? WHAT WOULD ROBSTEN DO? WOULD THEY BE UPSET WITH ME?

Okay I'm shirtless now... let the rescuing commence

I don’t know- but I know that instead of laughing when Jacob rips off his shirt anytime he gets mad or rescues Bella happens I’d drool instead. And I wouldn’t cover my face during this scenes when Jacob kisses Bella & would instead stand up & cheer in the audience. And possibly throw my panties at the screen. That depends on if I brought a flask to the movies that day. Ya know….

I guess I have to confess:

Hi, I’m UC. I’m Team Edward, but only because I’m not really attracted to Jacob, because he’s a lot younger than me and has really white teeth. But if he was a different guy, I’d probably be Team Jacob. Or Team Both. Or Team Confused. Thank you for listening.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Watch this & try to tell me you don’t see the potential: (stupid You tube wouldn’t let me embed the original but you get the point. Hot)

Does this surprise you? Have you thought of another guy that might have worked as Jacob? And does that change how you FEEL about him? ALSO, is it possible I need to read the books again to be better reminded why I’m Team Edward since the movies try to confuse us in thinking Bella actually considered Jake for one second??

Yes, we think your tractor is sexy... and yes... it really turns us on

Dear Taylor,

You need to stop… being so cute and funny and making us like you a lot and hope good things for you and shit. It’s hard to keep up our snarky, mean girls exterior when you’re making us want to twirl about and laugh WITH you at things instead of AT you. This is a brave, weird new world Taylor and we don’t like it. I’m not afraid to say I watched your Field of Dreams spoof for Funny or Die THEN I watched the behind the scene video, THEN I watched the deleted scenes video. Like 3 times.

I know we don’t write you unless it involves your Dad, who might as well be in the dang movies as far as we’re concerned or our constant internal conflict over your growing hottness and legalness but I think it’s time we change that… you’ve proved you’re ready to come up to the LTT Big Leagues ™

Both UC and I commented that we hope you do a lot of hilarious stuff like this were you have a good time, make fun of yourself a lot and don’t take things too seriously… like some people we know… AHEM. But mostly it just makes me want to sing Kenny Chesney. Someone needs to make a Taylor fan vid with this song STAT!

On a totally different note… Lionsgate announced you’d be signing autographs at Comic Con for your new movie Abduction… while I’m super (cautiously) excited that this bodes REALLY WELL for the Breaking Dawn panel, I just want to get you to sign something… like my jorts… or if you insist an Abduction poster

NOOOO not that one… this special one I made….

Do you hate us yet? Do you really want to be moved up to the LTT Big Leagues ™??? Talk it over with Rob, Kellan and Jackson and see if you can handle this kind of good natured ridicule…

I laughed. I cried with delight. I moaned “MOON WHY ARE YOU IN EUROPE” before e-mailing it to her knowing that I’d only be depressed after reading her auto-response again reminding me she’s out of the country.

WHY DOES STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPEN WHEN MY BLOGGING BFF IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY & UNABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME?

That’s almost as bad as if Rob were to mention he read LTT “for laughs” along with Stephenie Meyer every morning on set & Moon wasn’t around to tell. ALMOST. (Moon did respond shortly after I emailed saying, “Big daddy’s a diva????!!!! I’m even more in love.”

But turns out I don’t have to say anything, because Michael K from Dlisted, once again, said it all: (make sure you read his entire post because this is just a sampling of the brilliance)

Taylor Lautner’s publicist is f*cking done with him professionally and it isn’t because of a gay scandal or anything like that. It’s because Taylor’s father is the second coming of Kit Culkin wrapped in White Oprah and incubated inside of an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Basically, Taylor’s father is the stage dad from the ninth circle of Hell and his (ex)publicist isn’t about to go to jail for double slapping a grown man’s basement chin.

Judging by that picture, Daddy Lautner looks like a for real twat wart who will huff at you when you take too long at the sundae bar at Sizzler. But he should still learn from the Kit Culkins and Jaid Barrymores before him…. Seriously. But Taylor’s publicist really should’ve seen this coming. Never trust a stage dad who looks like the pile of Chet from Weird Science.

(Click that last link & Die)

I’m sure Moon & I will have more to say, but for now I’ll say this: Big Daddy you were OURS. You were OUR bundle of laughs. You were ours ALONE to love. And now you’ve gone & done something to get you in the rest of the public eye!? How could you DO that to us!?

(oh & also how could you do that to your son!)

Always yours,
UnintendedChoice

Do you believe the rumor? Did you see this one coming? Next trip to the Olive Garden is gonna be A-W-K-W-A-R-D for the family! The kitchen better start preparing now- they’re gonna run out of breadsticks! I bet the Lautner boys will start to throw them at each other!