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Journalism about pwnage

Dog Builds an Empire: Albion Prelude Chapter Eight

I’m sorry for this coming THREE DAYS LATE. I’ve been real sick, but now I’m back to continue the series.

Also, I had some really cool screenshots of this, but they probably won’t be uploaded, at least for a little while, as I’ve switched PCs.

PATIENCE… MAKES YOU SIT AND DEAL WITH STUPID THINGS HAPPENING

I like SETA quite a bit. I had to endure not having SETA while my Heavy Centaur’s autopilot starts flying loops around a shipyard docking bay. Very. Slowly. But that was last chapter.

The Argon plot requires that the player “help with the war effort”. That sounds fun.

I’ve equipped a jumpdrive, though, meaning this won’t be a problem. I do need some more weapons, though, so I head to Argon Prime and fit the rest of my gun slots with Phased Repeater Guns. I put some other kind of gun on the back turrets, but I can’t remember what they’re called. I’ll just call them ASYFGs — Anonymous Shred Your Face Guns.

There’s a flappin’ giant Terran fleet with capital ships up the kurglegloggins. They aren’t shooting at me, but I’m not going to stick around to see if they want to use me as nonstick spray.

I haul my ship straight back through the gate. It seems that some of the ships have followed through, and there’s a huge battle going on in Omicron. Argon, Boron and Terran capital ships are shooting each other

If I could post the screenshots of this, I could show you what is so cool about Albion Prelude in particular, but I can’t, so you aren’t seeing how cool it is yet.

I fly in and target the Claymores. They shoot missiles at me. I don’t appreciate that, so I open my PRGs up on them, which looks really cool.

As I friggin’… okay, even I can’t make holding the right mouse button down sound dramatic. “A swarm of lasers belt forth across the sky as I use my pinky finger to depress the right mouse button down for several minutes.” That just ran out of steam very quickly once I described the mouse button, the way many popular shows which I find boring such as Downton Abbey never gets to, because a) they don’t ever gain any steam in the first place and, more importantly, b) they don’t have right mouse buttons.

I shoot a ton of lasers at cheesy little missile-spamming Terran ships. That’s what you wanted to know. They die. I die from the missiles they spammed. But not before I killed them and shot at a capital ship, which achieved absolutely nothing.

FOREST SERVICE PERMIT REQUIRED

Reload. That was fun. The actual fighting. Not the reloading part. They do have some cool loading screens though. Yeah. Really.

I go back there to see if the fleet is still there, hoping the galaxy was re-simulated the same way.

Nope, the X universe is way too dynamic for that, which is really kind of cool in a way.

In Omicron Lyrea, I take on some Terran fighters who are camping the gate. C’mon, this isn’t the Forest Service, so stop your annoying camping. Go play Uberstrike if you want to spawn camp.

I kill them.

ONE DEADLY TOILET ROLL

Flying around some more, I take the time to stock trade. Again, the Natural stocks in Seizewell make me several million more, which puts me a lot closer to building a huge complex based off of my crystal fab in Herron’s Nebula.

I am given a mission to help out during a large battle. Finally something to do! Wheee!

Flying to the designated sector, there’s a some ship that looks akin to a flattened roll of toilet paper and the roll it is so commonly found hanging from. The ship is made up of a long piece which angles into itself and becomes thinner along the middle of the ship, where a large disc holds on.

I click it. It says “Tokyo”.

That’s a toilet roll you don’t wanna smuck with.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If so… Ohmygoodness, there’s a Creative Commons-license picture toilet paper being recommended to me by Zemanta. I love you Zemanta. There’s also a pink one. Oh yeah — please drop a “like” (it only requires the left mouse button, and is really easy), and be sure to follow (via WordPress [also uses left mouse button]) or subscribe (via email) for more! Thanks for reading, and be sure to return next week!