From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

YES 106

That is what we call it when a man chases after a woman in Zulu. Men are different, they do not woo or pursue in the same manner. Simba I do not even know if he was interested in me because in all honesty he had not said anything. I think he was one of those guys who believe that the more time they spend with you things much just happen. Those are tricky ones because you do not know whether you are friend zone material or you are actually being chased. The confusion comes from the way he looks at you. You can see his desire and that he wants you but when umuntu enga khulumi you can never be sure what he is thinking. I kind of liked him but I was not going to do this whole strong silent type nonsense because men who do not communicate their feelings are a headache. We drove to my place with Simba talking about corruption and politics. I think he was trying to make me forget what was happened. It was then that I remembered that Mbuso had most likely gone home and again I felt self conscious that I did not want Mbuso to see me with Simba. Plan B.

“Simba you spoke fluent Tswana earlier on please explain?”

I asked him not masking my confusion.

“I did yes but it’s because of school. I did a lot of my education here so obviously as a student you learn to adapt otherwise you will end up being left out of conversations.”

He explained. It was a good point I guess but I felt as though I owed him more.

“Where do you stay? Can I come see it?”

I asked him. He looked confused and before he answered I continued,

“What is it? Are you scared I will meet your wife there?”

He laughed at that notion and responded,

“There is no wife hey but no problem, we can go to my place.”

He said. It’s not like I desperately wanted to see where he stayed and I know this move might make him think I liked him, a good thing I guess but that was not the intention. We were stopped by Metro police twice on the way but eventually we got there. He lived in Midstream Estate in Midrand. I have always wanted a place here I must say. It’s beautiful and yup expensive. Eish, I have already said Simba was out of the running but his house was enough to turn a mzalwane into a gold digger! It was gorgeous! I mean I work too, I have my own money but just looking at this house I had not achieved half of what he had and considering how you young he was it was a job well done.

“Nice place you have here!”

I said as we got out of the car.

“Thank you!”

He responded with a smile but the thing that impressed the most about this moment is that he did not have a smug look of being too proud on his face. Most men, who have big cars or houses, are so proud that even when you compliment them they will be little your significance just to further emphasizes their worth. When we walked in the first thing I noted was how neat the place was. I swear it was obsessive compulsive kind of neatness.

“You must have a very good housekeeper or two or three even…”

I commented jokingly and he chuckled and responded,

“Actually I have zero. I live alone, I clean my own house, I cook my own food and yeah, that’s it am all round bachelor!”

I held my breath as those words sunk in. I wish you could see how neat and clean this place. There was not one thing out of place, not a cloth, not a piece of paper it was like I had walked into a surgery. People like this end up as serial killer aowa!

“Well I am impressed by your level of cleanliness; you and I can never stay together because I will drive you up the wall!”

I said teasingly but in reality I was not teasing I mean honestly who remembers to put the TV remotes back in a box after use. I was looking at it right it was in box next to the TV but parallel with remotes for the curtains and other things I don’t know.

“A man’s house is his castle. It can be a shack or mansion but when he puts his head down he must be proud of it. That’s me I guess. I actually got this house on auction and I sold everything to make sure that I made that bid.”

He explained. This showed character and determination two things which are very sexy in a man. You don’t want a man who cries, makes excuses and does not go after what he wants.

Simba was a man’s man! I hope that makes sense.

“Can I pour you a drink?”

He asked me.

“Yes you can!”

“I have coffee, tea and orange juice… No alcohol unfortunately!”

He said and I burst out laughing.

“Contrary to what you might think I am not always drinking you know!”

I told him and he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Well I have to offer all kinds of drinks because not everyone appreciates a good cup of tea.”

He said and I got the impression he was suggesting tea when well, I am a coffee person.

“Simba why are you single?”

I asked him.

“You asked me that the other night but I will answer nonetheless. I can’t get the right person; I am not so much for the beauty which I do admit must be there. It’s the brains. I like smart people but I also like smart women who are willing to learn more than already do!”

He explained.

“By learn do you mean go back to school to add to their degrees?”

I asked him, of which he laughed and said,

“No not academia. A person must read and by read I don’t mean just books with pictures! What’s reading about Bonang buying a new pair of shoes going to help you achieve in life? I don’t want a person who is happy being a groupie of others people’s lives but someone who stands in front and people want to be a groupie of! You will be surprised at how many academic people men and women are so dumb when it comes to the ways of the world. They are book smart but can be outwitted by a 16 year old and do you want to know why?”

He asked me.

“Why?”

“It’s simple, when you are young you know a little about a lot but when you are older you know a lot about a little! That is the cage and narrow perspective I find in people and in women it’s like they get content with knowing one thing. You can’t ask many of these accountants what’s happening in the world of law or politics because it’s irrelevant to them.”

He said so casually. The conversation did sound familiar but I am not sure really.

“Those are deep expectations though? Why so high though?”

I concluded in more like a question.

“Its not high expectations though because realistically if I get married to a person I should look forward to coming home to them every night and have nice worldly conversations not just gossip and weather talk you know…”

I laughed at that and funny as it was it was a bit of a stereotype.

“You know you are wrong right. A lot of people, men especially assume women don’t know a lot about the world because we don’t read. That is not true. A lot of women know things it’s just that we don’t go around wanting a make a discussion on it all the time. It’s not that we are blonde or dumb or unwilling to learn it’s just that what the relevance is.”

I told him. He stood there for a moment then he said something I totally expect.

“Lungi, if you date me, I will marry you before the year is over. We in March now but I promise we will have a December wedding!”

I stood there speechless!

“I am not joking. I date with focus not for the fun of it or because we look good together.”

Had this man just proposed to me? What happened to courtship? Many dates, sex in the car you know, weddings together, did he just skip all that.

“Are you serious?”

I asked him not because I was excited but because well…

Who does that?

“The ball is in your court!”

He said as he handed me my cup of tea! I was so stunned I did not measure the heat of the tea of first and took a gulp!

“Ouch!”

I screamed jumping backwards spilling the tea all over his expensive, stainless, ivory white couch!

I’m a 30 year old lady, and my boyfriend is 26, we have a beautiful 4 months old baby girl. Everything has been just fine ever since we started dating.
But recently it seems not to be going well, we fight, argue etc, we have talked about all this and apologised to each other. But he has started cheating, I recently found out that he has a girlfriend around our area, I asked him about it he told me it was just a heat of a moment. I’ve seen WhatsApp messages of him telling the girl that he’s with me and he can’t change that. What worries me the girl knows me but I don’t know her. I sometimes think he no longer needs me because of the age difference.

I love him more than anything else, but I don’t know if I should leave him or stay with him. Before we had planned that we don’t want our daughter to grow up with separated parents, because of the way he was abused by his stepmother, he says he doesn’t want his daughter to go through that.
But why is he cheating if he wants us to be together forever. I’m so hurt, confused and don’t know what to do.

but on the real though, i was never courted / dated. 2 drives around town and he told me he wants to marry me, of course i laughed but 3 more outings and i said yes, that was in January, and we got married in November the same year.

Woman and marriage! Its not that rosy. Its so much nicer to dream about it but reality is not your dreams… far from it.

Baby Mama
me and you are in the same position except mine cheated twice. I found out as the side was getting back to him after he told ger about me. he’s 25 I’m 28 n we have a 8 month old boy. My advice tell him you will not tolerate being cheated on and that you will cheat too if he continues since you want all the attention he’s giving to the other girl. when he cheats he’s stealing from you so you are left with a space in ur life that needs to be filled. If he’s giving other girls 30% of his time you are left with 70% but still in need of 30%, so if he goes on he’s leaving you no choice but to get ur 30% somewhere else.

Hopefully he’ll think of ur words the next time ge cheats. Otherwise just hang in there, the very same thing that attracted him to you is still there for others to see and admire and wish to hold.

” I’ve seen WhatsApp messages of him telling the girl that he’s with me and he can’t change that. ” – that to me kind of says this man feels trapped and obligated to stay with you. Particularly if he has fears of stepparents as a result of his upbringing.
I just think you deserve better than someone who will stay out of obligation or fear. You deserve someone who loves you and continues to want to be with you.

Thanks Mikeesto, very interesting conversation that was between Simba and Lungi.

Babymama, this entitlement we seem to buy/sell each other because of co-parenting is a mother of all f-ups. I mean why can’t we just be clear about the fact that there are more single parents ouchea than there is the fairy-tale of both ending up married. We are so obsessed with getting married and thinking that we MADE IT. Having kids out of wedlock and thinking it’s a ticket to the front row seats of Our Perfect Wedding… well it isn’t, and marriage aint as rosy as we may wish it to be.

That guy is no good, a guy that cheats on their partner will never be good enough, even if he repents and never does it again, at some point it will always boil down to the fact that he wasn’t man enough to keep it in and be strictly & exclusively yours. You can decide though, forgive him and pray he doesn’t do it again, which will mean constantly watching over your shoulder coz a leopard never changes its spots. You could also take the easy way out which may not always be easier, dump his sorry ass. When we make cheating normal by making excuses for it, we ultimately encourage it to perpetuate. If this guy was serious about his kid not growing up with a single parent, he would’ve ensured it never came to this, a situation (heat of a moment) where you start doubting yourself because he couldn’t keep it in.

You deserve better, that doesn’t mean you will get better out there because lord knows sizizinja manyan but oksalayo let it be on your own terms, if you want a cheat then keep him, it will be your bed to lay in.

Wow Mikie, so much to absorb. So much said & so much unsaid. Who is Lungi? She is into predefined ways of approaching life. What happened to spontaneity. Set yo own trend Lungi. Never mind ppl’s beliefs.

Hahahaha I Love the ending! Aowa Lungi clean people and serial killers?!
The conversation is sounds familiar to me too..Aah Simba sounds like my Man,, I hope this woman chooses him #InLove.. Lol Lungi is a confused soul. She’ll see one little mistake and run! Ah. I hope not…

Love, ummm. Can be so painful sometimes. Sistaz take a break so he can see what he’s missing. It’s like a melamine (china) cup. U can only mend it so many times & in the end U have to ditch it even tho it was beautiful.