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Emotional Intelligence: What Is It and How Do I Develop It?

So you’ve heard of IQ, but what about its lesser-known cousin, EQ? There’s not a MENSA or a reliable test for “emotional quotient,” but this unique intelligence can be far more important when it comes to social interaction.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI), sometimes called EQ, can be loosely defined as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.” (source)

“Mark just answered me with one word. He came across as frosty. However, maybe he’s swamped with work right now and isn’t thinking about pleasantries.”

Consider the context

“Wow, Raquel’s criticism made me feel terrible about myself. But stepping on the scale this morning lowered my self esteem so much. If I wasn’t already feeling bad, I’d probably view her critique as helpful.”

Regulate your responses

“I’m so annoyed with how this was handled, and that’s understandable. However, if I want to change the protocol, I can wait a while. I’ll bring it up again when I can express myself calmly.”

This may be your current level of EI, but now you’re aware of it, you can improve!

These things are easier said than done. For example, when we’re feeling threatened, it’s hard for us to recognize that we’re being unusually defensive. However, with time and practice, you can implement some of the above tips to increase your emotional awareness.