Foster siblings celebrate first Mother's Day in Avondale

by Karina Bland - May. 13, 2012 12:00 AMThe Republic | azcentral.com

At age 10, Alexxis and her little sister, Anastasia, 8, were already wary of what the word "mom" could mean.

Two years before, Alexxis came home from school on the last day of third grade, excited about the summer stretching out in front of her, to find CPS caseworkers at her house. The situation wasn't ideal for children. In fact, Alexxis had missed a lot of school trying to take care of her six younger siblings because her mother couldn't.

Alexxis and Ana, who was then 6, and a brother were placed in one foster home; the other four siblings went elsewhere. When that first foster home didn't click, the three were split up again. The girls went to a second foster home, their brother to yet another.

Each time a foster child is placed, he or she feels both hope and worry: hope that someone wants them, worry that no one does. In both of these homes, Alexxis had foster moms who took little interest in her. In the second home, the foster mother wanted to keep Anastasia but not Alexxis.

The girls' caseworker pulled them both out rather than split them up.

Which is how they landed in a stark Child Protective Services office in Glendale in July 2009, meeting foster mom No. 3: Eryn Cabrera and her husband, Joel. The few things Alexxis owned were stuffed in a backpack at her feet; she wrapped her arms around Anastasia, the only sibling she still had with her.

But by nightfall, Alexxis knew what she had found -- a good mom. And last November, the Cabreras adopted both girls, which makes today the first official Mother's Day for all of them.

"These kids are so, so resilient," says adoption attorney Kathryn Pidgeon. "Look at what happens when you surround them with love."

* * *

The girls' case files landed on Pidgeon's desk in January 2011. She represents foster children as well as families who are adopting from foster care, and specializes in kids considered "hard to adopt" -- those who are older than 6, ethnic minorities, sibling groups.

Despite the distinct challenges, Pidgeon has helped place more than 1,750 kids in adoptive families during her 22 years of practice. Her fees are paid for with state and federal funds, so the adoption itself doesn't cost the families anything.

With every boy or girl, Pidgeon asks what kind of family he or she hopes for. The children make lists. They are different than one might expect:

Someone who doesn't hit.

Someone who doesn't call me names.

Someone who doesn't sleep all the time.

Someone who shows up at my band concerts.

"They just want to go home to the same mom and dad every day. They want that consistency," says Pidgeon, who has three grown sons of her own.

"They never want to see that caseworker's car pull up, and have to stuff their belongings in a plastic bag. They want to know if they don't take the garbage out, or if they get a 'C' on a test, that they don't have to leave.

"They want to know that they are never, ever leaving."

Sometimes, when a judge declares a child's adoption final and everyone claps, the child will drop his or her head on the table and sob with relief.

* * *

Eryn and Joel Cabrera run a business, Vision Video, and already had five children. They weren't exactly lacking for things to do.

But one day Eryn read a flier in an envelope of coupons that came in the mail. "Make a difference in a child's life," it said.

"I thought, 'That would be a really nice thing to do, and there's a lot of need,' " Eryn said. The youngest of her five kids was just starting kindergarten. She tucked the flier into a drawer, and when she ran across it again three years ago, she made the call.

As it happens, said the woman on the other end of the line, a series of the 30 hours of required training for foster parents was starting that night; could the Cabreras come? Eryn called Joel and asked if he could be home by 5. He was.

And just as they finished that training, a caseworker called to ask if they could take in their first foster children, two little girls. It was July 16, 2009, and Eryn's birthday.

Eryn and Joel went to pick up the girls and found them in shorts and tank tops, their hair wild, and scared. They were quiet in the car, so Eryn filled the silence, telling them about their house in Avondale, their other kids, the fish tanks and dogs.

"I was scared because it was new," Alexxis says now. "We were hoping it would be a little better than the last one."

Ana nods, "I felt the same way."

Just a little better than the last one, that's all they were asking.

Alexxis remembers that the Cabreras' oldest daughter, Sarai, made macaroni and cheese for lunch, and that then they got a Rice Krispies treat with sprinkles on top. And for the first time ever, the girls had their own room, with a pink flowered bedspread for Alexxis and a purple one for Ana. As Eryn helped the girls unpack their belongings, she noticed that Ana had more clothes than Alexxis.

Alexxis said simply, "My foster mom would take her shopping and leave me at home."

* * *

Since it was Eryn's birthday that day, the family went out for dinner that first night -- to Peter Piper Pizza.

And after Joel had tucked Alexxis and Ana into their new beds, the girls whispered their agreement in the darkness. They liked it here, and they wanted to stay. Joel was a good dad. And Eryn was a good mom.

"She was nice and sweet and made me feel like I was at home," Alexxis says.

"And she paid us a lot of attention," Ana adds.

"In this house, love is equal," Alexxis finishes.

During that first week, without any prompting from Eryn and Joel, Alexxis and Ana started calling them "Mom" and "Dad."

When Alexxis arrived, she was in fifth grade and failing. Between the school she missed while taking care of her siblings, her worries about moving from foster home to foster home, and wondering if she and Ana would be split up, it had been hard to pay attention to her schoolwork.

But Eryn got Alexxis a tutor, and between the tutor and her teachers, she caught up. Now in seventh grade, she is on the honor roll and student council. She's also in the community-service club, runs track, dances, and sings in the choir.

Ana, who was in third grade then and is now in fifth, was always a good student. She plays soccer, and the flute, and sings in choir.

Eryn is there every day when the kids get home from school, ready to hear about their day. Though sometimes, even if they are bursting with good news -- a top score on a test, or a student council win -- they want to tell Dad first, or wait until he's home to tell both parents at the same time.

"They're daddy's girls," Eryn says, beaming.

* * *

Eryn is also a student, working on her teaching degree at Estrella Mountain Community College, where Sarai, now 19, is a freshman. Joel, 17, Gabriella, 13, Noah, 12, Rebeckah, 10, and Isaac, 9, make up the rest of Alexxis and Ana's new family. Isaac was also a foster child; his adoption was final the same day as Alexxis and Ana's.

Isaac found his good mom here too. She's the best cook, he says, and she makes sure everyone does their homework.

"She has room in her heart for everyone," he says.

And last summer, a new set of siblings came to live with the family; the Cabreras are now in the process of adopting the four girls, who are 11, 9, 8 and 5. It will make an even dozen in the house, even though when the Cabreras first became foster parents, they hadn't planned on adopting.

"I just wanted to help give them a place to stay and feel safe and loved until they could go home," Eryn says.

But about a year and a half after Alexxis and Anastasia arrived, the girls' caseworker asked the Cabreras if they were interested in adopting the girls. Eryn and Joel sat down with their five children to discuss it.

"We didn't even have to finish our sentence. They all said yes," Eryn says.

There was one more step: To ask Alexxis and Ana. When Eryn and Joel did so, the girls shouted "Yes!" in unison. Their dream would come true.

"I was excited," Ana says. "I couldn't wait to go to school and tell everyone."

"They just fit in so well, so quickly. We can't remember our life without them," Eryn says.

"We just sucked them up into our family. They were ours," she says.

* * *

For Mother's Day, Alexxis made a hand out of clay to give to Eryn. Her mom can drape necklaces over the fingers and keep smaller jewelry in the palm. But Alexxis sees it as more than that. It is also a reminder that someone will always be there now to take her hand when she's scared, or lonely, and to pull her up when she's down.

She also made a card, and wrote, "To the best mom ever. You are my whole wide world. I would never give you away for anything."