The Front Line for the Awesomeness Offensive

Men in Middle East Getting Mustache Implants

CNN: Thick, handsome mustaches have long been prized by men throughout the Middle East as symbols of masculine virility, wisdom and maturity.

But not all mustaches are created equal, and in recent years, increasing numbers of Middle Eastern men have been going under the knife to attain the perfect specimen.

Turkish plastic surgeon Selahattin Tulunay says the number of mustache implants he performs has boomed in the last few years. He now performs 50-60 of the procedures a month, on patients who hail mostly from the Middle East and travel to Turkey as medical tourists.

Mustaches are awesome but only if you’re a police officer, fire-fighter, a Muslim, or a child molester. Aaron Rodgers looked like a complete perv last week when the Giants grated and melted the cheese. Michael Jordan’s Hitler mustache is pretty fucked. The least creepy dude with a mustache all time is Ned Flanders but even he is sorta creepy now that I mentioned it. Andy Reid looks like a damned walrus. And what the fuck is with his name. Hasn’t he ever heard “i before e except after c”? Bottom line is unless you have a beard attached to your mustache, you had better shave it off after November is over.