She was in the elevator of her apt. building, with a laundry bag and shopping cart. Someone else got in and said to her, "Are you going to the basement?" When the answer was yes, the lady said, "Do you want to take my garbage down for me? It would save me a trip."

The person I know said, "No, I wouldn't like to take your garbage down."

The lady said, with a hmph, "well, it's not like it's stinky or anything, but whatever!"

The problem with doing something nice once is the risk of it becoming a habit. I would occasionally agree to give someone a ride home from work, but I quickly found out that I didn't like doing this, because once I've done it one time, a couple of my coworkers seemed to think, "Oh, I'll just skip the part of arranging a ride home before work and bum a ride off CrochetFanatic."

On one hand, I had a couple of girls who would ask me, but would say upfront that if I couldn't do it they could find another way. Those were the ones who got the most rides, and who accepted it gracefully if I couldn't swing it. Besides, they were right on the way home.

On the other hand, I had someone I had only met the day before come up to me and say, "I need you to give me a ride home." I told her I couldn't do it, and she started listing off several reasons why she needed a ride home, and it had to be me because she had already asked everyone else. I simply "had" to do it. I repeated that, no, I couldn't do it because I had a lot of errands to run that day (true) and because it was very short notice. Cue the scoff, and the "Fine! You don't have to be rude about it..."

She asked it the wrong way and didn't act as of taking the garbage inconvenienced her.

"Do you mind taking my garbage down to the basement? I'd really appreciate it as I need to get back to my desk."

Not to mention that the wording "Do you want to.." really rubs me the wrong way. Don't make it sound like you're doing me a favour when it's really the other way around.

My husband used to do this and it drove. me. nuts! No honey, you're not bestowing some honour on me by allowing me to do you a favour! I've mostly got him trained out of it, fortunately.

My husband says, "I am going to let you do X for me." It is quite irritating to me.

The real kicker is that he got it from his mother. She still does it. I think it was a way to get the kids to do something by making it feel like a "special event".

Maybe it would have been ok if I was a kid - in my 50's, not so much.

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"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born." - Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Yesterday we took our kids to an aquarium. There is a penguin exhibit in which the kids can crawl on their hands and knees through a u-shaped plexiglass tube that leads to an enclosed plexiglass bubble (the bubble is in the bend of the "u") within the penguin habitat. So they can really see the penguins up close. Meanwhile, the parents stand on the other side of the glass enclosing the habitat and we can see the kids crawling through the tube.

Our DD, 8, led her brother, 4, through the tube and despite the fact that it was busy, all of the kids were waiting patiently and taking turns. Until the Pushersons showed up. There was a boy, bigger and older than DD, probably 11-2, a boy around 7 and another boy around 6. They were all in the same family. They literally crawled over other kids in the tube, shoving smaller kids out of the way and generally being too rough. The parents had to stand by and watch because there was no way for us to get to or redirect the kids in what amounted to a human sized hamster habit surrounded by penguins and glass.

The oldest boy shoved him and DS whacked his head against the glass hard. The oldest boy then put both hands on DD's behind and SHOVED her forward. And while he not have meant it in "that way," it seemed awfully convenient that he decided to put his hands on her behind. Meanwhile, the younger son just crawled over them all.

After seeing DS shoved and feeling two hands on her behind, DD turned (as quickly as she could in the tube) and grabbed the offending boy's hand, which was still clamped on her leg. Using something her karate instructor showed her, she put a wristlock on him that put pressure on his joint. Oldest boy dropped to the floor, calling DD some very rude names (I found out later) while telling her to let go. DD told me she told DS to get out of the tube and get to Mommy, but DS was too distracted, crying about his injured head, to crawl out. The other two boys took exception to a girl dropping their brother to the floor and jumped on her, knocking DS against the glass again.

Needless to say, it was chaos. I ran to the other end of the tube and yelled, "EVERYBODY GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF EACH OTHER AND GET OUT OF THE TUBE, NOW!!" in my scariest mom voice.

DS and DD came scrambling out. The Pusherson boys came out, yelling that DD hurt each of them. The oldest boy was yelling about his wrist hurting. DS was crying about his head hurting. DD was prepared for further battle in defense of her behind and her brother. DH was desperately looking for an aquarium staff member while I tried to keep everybody separated.

A woman, who seemed to be the Pusherson boys' mother, came over and said, "Hey, you can't yell at my kids!" An aquarium staff member finally came over and asked what happened. Mrs. Pusherson accused DD of attacking her boys without provocation. She went on and on about how rude I was by yelling at her sons and how awful DD was. Several people - whose children were also shoved around- backed up my version of events. The staff asked the Pushersons to stay with them while we were free to go. We ended up leaving the aquarium because we didn't want to see them again.

Yes, it was super-rude of me to yell when your children are marauding through the penguin tube.

P.S. While I am proud of DD for defending her brother and her person, I am a little worried about her going from zero to Chuck Norris so easily. However, I don't want to tell her she was wrong for reacting that way when someone put his hands on her like that. So we're going to run the scenario past her karate instructor and ask him if there was a better way to handle it.

I dunno, considering what those boys were doing, I think putting that one boy's hand into a wristlock wasn't so bad. She didn't try to kick him in the face or anything, she was trying to get his hands off of her.

If the karate instructor suggests that she in anyway over-reacted, find a new instructor.

Your daughter's response was 100% absolutely correct and accurate. That boy touched her in a place that was beyond inappropriate , combined with the fact that the boy also seriously injured your son - honestly, if those had been my children, I wouldn't have been looking for a staff member, I'd have been looking for a police officer. I'm so angry right now, I'm shaking. Good for your daughter, she did exactly as she should have and you should be proud of her instead of worrying if she over-reacted.

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"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Oh, I definitely haven't said anything negative to her about he response. I told her she was a good sister and I'm glad she stuck up for herself. But that we should run what happened past her instructor to see if he has other recommendations for penguin tube altercations. I'm guessing her instructor will review her wristlock technique and give her pointers or alternate suggestions.

My MIL threw at least one hissy fit per visit was about how rude I was. One of the worst was not laughing at her favorite TV comedy.

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Common sense is not a gift, but a curse. Because thenyou have to deal with all the people who don't have it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~