Friends of Friends Problem & A Porno Question

I’m 23 and getting too old for some of the inconsiderate s*&t that my
friends pull sometimes — actually, I am refering specifically to one of
my extended friends. Lets call him Foul.

My specific problem is that Foul is a coke-head alcoholic misogynist
jerk, among many other things, who is extremely obnoxious and in general
a cause of much grief. I loath to call anyone a typical anything, but he
is the typical Wall Street jackass that he tries to be.

He is also friends with my roomate — they went to college together —
and will show up at alot of parties we go to or if we take a road trip.
Anyway, we are planning to go to an Allman Bros. concert in a few weeks
and then camp for a couple of days afterword, and now Foul has announced
his intention to join us. I doubt that he has ever been camping before
and that he will be able to understand the etiquite surrounding a
campsite (i.e. quiet, respect, cleanliness, etc.) The rest of my friends
are good about this, but can get all drunk and roudy too, especially
when egged on. I’ve tried, even somewhat forcefully, to tell him to be
respectful before, but it is hard to be too insistent without offending
my roomate.

My question, what can I do in this situation? My roomate is a definitely
aware of the situation but says things like — he’s a nice guy, or
oh, he’s just wasted but screw that, man, I say you are what you do
when you do it all time!

Help me, old hippy!

Also, is it wrong to work in the pornography industry in your opinion?

Sounds like you have a problem. I emphasize the word YOU. You are
experiencing a phase we all go through. Technically it’s called cognitive
dissonance. That’s when what you experience is different from that of
those you respect (i.e. your roomate). The resolution to this is either to
alter your perceptions to match those of your roomate or come to the
realization that your roomate and you are no longer on the same wavelength.

Now you’re probably wondering what has all this got to do with Mr.
Foul. Well he is just the catalyst for change. He is the cause of the
cognitive dissonance that exists between you and your roomate. The
solution to your problem is for you to change. Actually you’ve already
changed that’s why you can’t relate to Mr. Foul. You just need to realize
what this implies. First, you have become more sensitive (or perhaps you
always were, but Mr. Foul makes it obvious). Second, you and your roomate
have different tastes in friends (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
Third, your tolerance is being put to the test. Since Mr. Foul seems to
influence your friends in ways you don’t like, you must now decide whether
your friends are really who you think they are. This is another stage of
cognitive dissonance. The solution to this stage is to reevaluate your
relationship with your friends and how that bears upon your own identity.

What this all means is that you have to take a good look at yourself,
your goals, what turns you on and off, and whether you are living a
lifestyle (including friends) that’s complementary with your self image.
Something has to give in this situation. If you can’t change yourself to
accept these friends and their ways, then perhaps it’s time to find some
new friends and new ways. At age 23, it’s a good time to leave the high
school or college buddies and find people of your ilk. They’re out there.
If I were you, I’d do the concert and skip the campout, making sure your
roomate knows your reasons (and giving him a taste of cognitive
dissonance!). Good Luck!

As far as the porno industry goes, it would depend upon just what is being
done. Porno has been with us for millenia and it’s not going away as long
as sex is around. Porno acts as a release valve for those millions who
need it. Certain kinds of porno that exploit people (especially children)
against their will is not cool. Otherwise to each his own.