We had a new player join us this session, and some time was taken at the beginning to walk her through rolling up a character, buying equipment, etc., as well as delivering the campaign "elevator pitch" and explaining the basic premise. And so a fighter named Adrien joined the party.

Their first order of business was to do some shopping in the city, in preparation for their intended "heist" of the dazzlingly gilded idol guarded by demonic shadow beings. They purchased a wheeled hand cart, a block and tackle system for lifting the idol out of the chamber, and picked up their specially-commissioned leather harness that they intended to use to lift the idol. They returned to the Rusty Lantern tavern with all this stuff and stashed it in their secure storage closet in the basement, before changing into their adventuring gear and descending into the dungeon.

In the Temple of Hedonism, on their way to the stairs to the second level, they encountered a single giant bee, buzzing around the benches surrounding the eerily rotating statue. Gulleck smirked and, donning his magical ring of animal control, sent the bee headlong into the animated crystal statue that guarded the stairs. The statue's fist shot forward, crushing the bee's thorax. Smiling with satisfaction, Gulleck led the way downstairs.

Since Adrien was new to the party, they brought her to the Temple of Fate and invited her to test her luck on the "Wheel of Fortune". She was strapped to the wheel and spun, and when she climbed back off the wheel nothing seemed to be different, but the very next day she would receive a letter informing her that a relative (who she had never heard of until now) had passed away and left her a house (albeit in poor condition and in one of the most rundown neighborhoods of the city).

The party proceeded with a clear mission in mind. They made their way along the hallway until they came to the door that led into a room drenched in magical pitch blackness. Beyond the room was the frightening shrine with the idol and associated ceremonial items, all of which gleamed of gold and jewels. The adventurers wanted to test a few theories about the shadowy guards. Some stayed watch at the door, while Gulleck and Caryatide carefully made their way through the dark room, following the wall until they found the opening to the shrine.

Gulleck borrowed Caryatid's ring of invisibility and slipped it on. Caryatid cast a Shield spell upon herself for additional protection, and then an Invisibility spell. They wanted to see if the shadows would be able to detect them while invisible. They stepped cautiously into the room. Everything was as it was before: sickly green flames flickered from torch sconces on the walls. Along the south wall, the disturbing demonic idol squatted on a bloodstained stone altar. In front of it were various ceremonial gilded and jeweled objects: a chalice, a curved dagger, etc. Next to the altar was a wooden stand on which was draped a ceremonial robe, embroidered with silver and gold and studded with gemstones, and a matching headdress. The green flames cast eerie shadows that flickered and twitched anxiously, and Gulleck could feel his heart leap to his throat as an unnerving fear settled within him. But so far, all was still. He moved further into the room, and still there was no response.

Satisfied with this experiment, Gulleck decided to make the day a profitable one, and quickly snatched the robe and headdress from the stand. As he did so, the shadows on the walls began to coalesce and converge into several man-shaped forms, lengthening and drifting forward off of the walls...

Gulleck bolted for the exit, pursued by the shadows. He yelled as he ran, and the other party members guarding the door called back to him to guide him to the exit. As Gulleck ran, he ran the chilling touch of a shadow, draining the energy from his body and leaving him feeling tangibly weaker. But then he was back in the hall, in the light of Simon's glowing magical sword. The shadows did not follow him into the hall.

Meanwhile, Caryatid had a brainstorm and theorized that the green flames were the source of the shadows and if they could be doused, the shadows would disappear. She drew forth a vial of holy water, borrowed from Brother Chase, opened it, and attempted to douse the flames with the sanctified water. Unfortunately, the water poured through the flames as if they didn't exist, making a puddle on the floor. This action drew the attention of more shadows, although Caryatid had an advantage of still being invisible. She quietly slipped through the room and followed Gulleck back into the hall.

They made it out of the dungeon without further incident, and stowed the robe and headdress in their vault. They intended to sell them at the semi-annual magic auction, once they completed the heist and obtained the idol and the other ceremonial items. I gave them experience points for a "base value" of the robe and headdress now, with the understanding that they would not receive further XP when they sold the items at the auction, regardless of what the actual final bid was.

Not a bad first delve for Adrien: an unexpected inheritance plus almost 500 XP from the treasure they recovered!

A small group this evening, and no plan other than to explore some areas of the second level that they had not yet been to. In the city, the adventurers stopped in at a tailor and picked up the five togas they had commissioned, exact replicas of the embroidered togas that allowed them access to the Temple of Hedonism in the undercity below. Caryatid even made a little tiny toga for her pet monkey Marcel.

They entered the dungeon and made their way uneventfully (yes, the new togas were accepted by the crystal living statue that guarded the stairs down to the second level) to the northern part of the second level. They were exploring an old abandoned tavern kitchen, when they spied some old casks up on a high shelf. Meat reached up to investigate, but accidentally knocked down a cask of rancid semiliquid bacon grease, drenching him in the strong-smelling fat.

Rather than continue on, the adventurers decided to return to the surface to let Meat have a bath before returning to the dungeon in the afternoon. (Such a pity; the strong smelling grease meant that I would roll for wandering monsters every turn rather than every other turn!)

Anyway, a few hours later they returned, with a freshly laundered Meat only faintly smelling of bacon. Delving back into the dungeon, the party made their way to an unexplored area at the north end of the second level. On the way they ran into a trio of dungeon urchins who were tense and angry. They demanded food from the adventurers, but bolted away when Gulleck stepped forward to try to talk some respect into the youngsters. In an former tavern, they encountered a group of bandits who were sitting around counting their illgotten loot. The bandits leered at the adventurers, and demanded a toll of 100 gold darics apiece to pass through this room. Everyone rolled their eyes. Gulleck consulted his maps and realized that they already knew an alternate way around the bandits. So they casually left the room, went around the hall and poked their heads in on the other side to say, "Nice try, guys." The bandits turned beet red, and the adventurers jogged off laughing.

Exploring some apartments off of a main hall, Gulleck and Meat found a chest of drawers that seemed undisturbed. Meat pulled a drawer open roughly, and there was a sudden crack of glass shattering. A greenish mist wafted up from the drawer and spread out quickly. The rest of the party were standing well enough back, but Gulleck and Meat gasped and clutched their throats as they breathed in the mist. Their limbs went numb and they slumped to the cold stone floor, unable to lift an arm or leg but aware of everything going on around them.

Caryatid and and Brother Chase decided for some reason to explore the next room while they waited for the numbness to wear off from Gulleck and Meat. They always say "Never split the party" and here we had an example of why it's a bad idea. While Caryatid and her bodyguard were elsewhere, a half dozen orcs came sauntering into the room, leering and snickering at Gulleck and Meat. "Welly welly well, what have we here?" sneered the orc leader. He poked at Gulleck's nose a few times to make sure he wasn't a threat. "That sure is a nice shiny axe this dwarf's got..." he said, plucking it from Gulleck's belt and hefting it. "I wonder what other goodies these guys have..."

Around this time Caryatid and Brother Chase returned and before the orcs could react Caryatid hit them with a face full of Web. Half of them, along with Gulleck and Meat, were caught in the sticky strands. The other three orcs failed a morale check and bolted out of the door. Caryatid had no patience to wake for Gulleck and Meat to break free of the web (once their paralysis wore off) and didn't care to banter with the three trapped orcs, so she calmly lit the web on fire. The orcs all perished in the conflagration, while Gulleck and Meat, having the luck of experienced adventurers (i.e., more hit points!) were shielded from the worst of the flames by the bodies of the orcs, and were merely uncomfortably singed.

While Gulleck and Meat were still recovering from the paralysis gas, they were interrupted by yet another wandering monster encounter. But this turned out to be a rival NPC party: "Sallies Forth", a party composed of no less than four identical copies of "Psycho" Sally, a manic hobbit who had once been a member of Shorty's Sirens but had struck out on her own once she discovered that the resurrection pool could duplicate you. I said "identical" back there, but really, you could tell the order in which they had been cloned, with each one being a degraded copy of the previous one, like in that Michael Keaton movie Multiplicity.

After a bit of banter with the Psycho Sallies, and once Gulleck and Meat had regained control of their limbs, they set out again exploring the north end of the level. They found an old bedroom, and on one wall a mural of a court jester was painted in old, faded paint. As they approached it for a better look, they were startled to find the paint seeming to flow and move. The jester came to life and attempted to speak to them! Unfortunately, no one in the party could speak Ancient Idalian, so the jester's words were merely a babble of unintelligible nonsense, make even more surreal by his exaggerated mime-like gestures as he tried to communicate with them. The jester didn't understand Modern Idalian, either, so he and the party just stood there babbling and gesticulating at one another. Gulleck and Caryatid got annoyed by the uselessness of the loud gibberish coming from the jester. Gulleck grumbled, "Let's make a note to come back here with some paint." Caryatid replied, "Oh, I was thinking paint thinner!"

In an adjacent room, they found a stone statue of a modestly dressed woman, with one hand outstretched. There was writing inscribed on her garment. Now, the party could not understand Ancient Idalian, but they did possess a pair of magical spectacles that allowed them to read it, and they saw that it said, "I shall guard my treasure until I am wed." They puzzled over this for a while, trying to come up with ways of marrying a stone statue. I had to keep my poker face under control, as only a couple of sessions ago, they had found a stone ring in a honeymoon suite not too far from here. Gulleck was still carrying it around and had it written on his character sheet, but his player kept passing over it as he looked for something useful. Eventually, they would figure it out, but not this day!

Before leaving the dungeon, the adventurers managed to find a room that was marked on a treasure map they had acquired quite some time ago. Just as the map indicated, there was a secret compartment behind a painting of the hills surrounding Idalium, and in the compartment were several sacks of coins from Ancient Idalium, untouched these two hundred some years! Hundreds of silver, gold, and platinum coins filled the bags, and flush with satisfaction at finding this substantial treasure, the adventurers returned to the surface.

Sort of an unfocused ramble of an adventure today. We only had two players, and they weren't sure of what to do. Ideas were floated: give the magical wardrobe to the goblins as a Trojan Horse to gain secretive entry to the Goblin Palace? Foment a feud between Caryatid the Green and the goblins?

First they went to "Crazy Harry", the apothecary, to see if he had prepared an antidote to the enchanted goblin fruit they had brought to him last session. "Yes!" said Crazy Harry. "Although it is of limited effect. I believe it can break the enchantment that the fruit casts over a person, but only so long as they are still human. Once they have been transformed into a goblin, I don't think anything could bring them back!"

Crazy Harry wanted 500 silver shekels for a dose of the antidote, but they haggled him down to 300 shekels. They also purchased two vials of "stirge repellant". "Ah, yes," said Crazy Harry. "So, the good news is, stirges can't stand the smell. They hate it! The bad news is, just about every other kind of vermin loves it. It attracts them! Bugs, rats, worms, you name it."

Gulleck thought that sounded like more of a feature than a bug, and paid extra to get it in breakable glass vials.

Into the dungeon they went, but ran into a scavenging party of orcs almost immediately, in the town square of the undercity. The orcs recognized them and attacked instantly. Caryatid cast a magic missile at one orc, and Brother Chase followed it up by caving in the orc's skull with his mace. Meanwhile, Gulleck and Meat quickly dealt with the orcs that attacked them. The other two orcs ran screaming into the dark.

The adventurers collected a number of gold coins from the orcs, as well as a pouch of the crumbly off-white powder they knew as "rage dust". Then they checked the magical talking statues that stood around the fountain in the middle of the square. As they had arranged, the gnomes had left them a message, saying that they were almost finished digging the shaft down to the second level, and would await them at the dig site.

They made their way quickly to the small temple where the gnomes had been digging a shaft down to the lower level, hopefully emerging in the room that contained the frightening shadow monsters (and more importantly, the gold and gem encrusted idol and ceremonial items). The shaft was finished now, and all that remained was to chisel out and lift away the stone slab that was part of the ceiling below. The group wanted to wait until everyone could be there, including Tod and Tyrriel, so they thanked the gnomes and said they would visit them at their quarters in the mines when ready. Everyone packed up and left, and Caryatid cast wizard lock upon the door on the way out, to discourage any unwanted visitors.

The fight with the orcs had taken a bit out of the adventurers, so they returned to the surface to rest a bit before attempting another delve. On Monday morning they reunited and headed back into the dungeon, this time heading down to the second level to check in on Caryatid the Green. They passed through the Temple of Hedonism, which was occupied by half a dozen fresh-faced youths, drinking wine and playing the harp languidly. The adventurers weren't sure if they had arrived pre- or post-orgy, but it was certainly awkward.

They checked on the orcs, but after the recent pitched battle they'd had, the orcs appeared to have retreated into their lair, and no orcs were to be seen at the entrance to their domain. Moving on for now, they visited Caryatid the Green in her apartment, who was as before in good spirits and happy to receive them as guests. There was a large strange man, sitting in an armchair with his back to them, facing the magical fire that crackled away but shed no heat.

"Oh, I've been busy since we last spoke," said Caryatid the Green. "The lovely Professor Zinn provided me with such useful information on anatomy, and physiology, and human biology... And I put all of that knowledge to good use! Can I introduce you to my new bodyguard?"

The man in the chair stood slowly and stiffly, and turned to face them. He wore a drab, shapeless coat. He loomed over even Meat and Brother Chase, and his eyes were dull. His skin was pale and blotchy, and it seemed there was some kind of tattoo at the base of his neck, almost like... stitching?

"He doesn't talk much," said Caryatid the Green. "He's really more of the strong and silent type. But the dungeon can be dangerous, you know. With him by my side, I have so much more freedom to roam and explore. No one dares to threaten me."

The adventurers made polite goodbyes and nervously left. Things with Caryatid were getting weirder and weirder, and they were grimly certain that she would have to be "dealt with" sooner or later.

On their way out, the adventurers decided to prank the orcs. Having stolen their big alarm gong several weeks ago, Gulleck had bought a tiny toy gong in a shop up in the city. Now he tossed that toy gong down the stairs that led to their lair. There was silence for a moment, and then a twang of a bowstring from down below and an arrow snapped on the wall next to Gulleck's head. He quickly slammed the door shut at the top of the stairs, and the adventurers laughed their way back out of the dungeon.

I am afraid that my death has
had an ill-affect on Marcel. I must seek a monkey therapist to help him
cope with his breakdown. Although, since my resurrection, I feel that he
does not fully comprehend what has happened. I’m also beginning to
research spells and potions to grow him wings; he clearly needs more
liberation beyond his own Fez and toga. I think I'd also like to learn a
spell which will mute that dwarf who instigated that berserk Hippie
into a fit of unstoppable rage. Any attempt I made to diffuse that
situation only led to my demise.

Brother Chase is required to
report to the Lost Church of the Missing Light to complete some
paperwork and standardized testing. He has shared with me that he will
also be getting his highlights touched-up and take care of some basic
manscaping. I approve.

Another Monday evening, another delve into the dungeons below the bustling city of Idalium. Simon's player decided to hire a retainer, and rolled up a thief named Remus Thynerius, in the hopes of filling some gaps in the party skillset. The party did a little bit of above-ground adventuring before entering the dungeon. They visited "Crazy Harry", the apothecary, and showed him the preternaturally beautiful fruit that they had smuggled out of the feast in the palace of the Goblin King (in a doggy bag, I guess). He believed he could "reverse engineer" the magic of the fruit and concoct an antidote for those ensorcelled by the goblin food. "Come back in a week, and we'll see what I've got." They also visted the elderly Professor Zinn, in his 5th floor apartment overlooking the city from the top of the Street of Steps. They asked him about the goblin food and he confirmed that legends told how the food of the goblins first casts a charm over those who eat it, convincing them that the goblins have their best interests at heart, and then, if enough food is eaten over a period of days, provokes a horrible transformation of a human into a goblin! The professor was dubious that there was any way to reverse this transformation, but agreed in theory that perhaps the charm could be broken if done so early enough in the process.

The party descended into the dungeons, intent on exploring the northwest area of the second level. On the way, they ran into their erstwhile retainer Brother (now Father!) Jedidiah, who was now the leader of a party of adventuring bandits, having converted them to the path of God. They bid him good luck and continued on their way, stopping at the entrance to the orcs' lair to leave the remaining goblin fruit in the bowl the orcs had set out for "honor system tolls". Concerned that the dungeon urchins might steal it to eat, they chalked a note "For orcs only!"

As they made their way north, they stopped at a door behind which they heard buzzing, and Simon used his "clarity" medallion to read the minds of anyone behind the door. He heard gutteral, angry voices in his mind - orcs who were trapped in a room and afraid of the giant bees! They laughed and continued on their way.

They found a room with a brass plaque outside reading (in Ancient Idalian) "Hotel Lethia Honeymoon Suite". Inside was a once-lavish but now tattered bedroom, with a canopy bed fallen into moth-eaten rags, a large dry "hot tub", and broken down and dry-rotted furniture. In a decayed chest of drawers they found a plain but polished stone ring, a bit larger than anyone's fingers. Gulleck tucked it away in his backpack for safe keeping.

Further down the hall, they came to another door with a brass plaque that read "Hotel Lethia". The door was sealed shut with rags that seemed to be impregnated with wax, and a giant red "X" was painted across it in drippy red paint.

"Nope!" everyone said in unison and continued north.

Finally they came to another door, with a sign hung on it by a piece of wire. The sign read, "Home Sweet Home" and below that it said "Monsters Stay Out!" This area of the adventurers map read, "Hippieland, avoid at all costs!" and we were about to discover why. Gulleck knocked on the door.

You ever have a joke that popped into your head, and you waited patiently for over a year to spring it, and then when your players finally got there they totally jumped the gun on the punchline? That's exactly what happened here. I said, "... Who is it?" in a wheezy voice, and everyone jumped in with "Dave's not here man!"

To my players' credit, they humored me and did this the proper way and played along.

"No, this is Gulleck!"
"... Who??? Gulleck's not here."

And so on. Eventually we got an answer to "Who is it?" Last time with the orcs it was "Gong Inspectors", and well, now it was "Bong Inspectors"!

The hippies opened the door and were pleased to see their acquaintances come to visit. "Hey, man, good to see you! You wanna come in and check out our digs? We got a real groovy thing going on here. Welcome, welcome, travelers!" The adventurers nervously entered a large hall with several stone pillars supporting the ceiling. There was a firepit alight in the middle of the room, with some sort of meat roasting on a spit above it. Bedrolls and blankets were strewn about. The two hippies who invited the adventurers in introduced themselves as Jimmy (or was it Jimi?) and Linda.

"Hey, come with us, we'll give you the mystery tour of the place!"

The hippies led the group through a number of rooms, and the faces of the adventurers grew more nervous and dismayed all the while. In the first room chairs, tables, and other accumulated furniture were stacked neatly and incredibly precisely to the ceiling. Two other hippies were engaged in deep concentration measuring the furniture and making minor adjustments.

The next room was a larder, full of all sorts of horrid foods: dead rats (giant and otherwise), spiders, centipedes, and other vermin. "Uh... is this what you eat down here?" asked Gulleck. "Hey man," said Jimmy, "don't knock it til you've tried it. Anyway, you get used to it after a while. You gotta do what you gotta do, dig? Right on."

The next room was empty apart from hundreds of intricate chalk spirals and concentric circles covering all of the floor, walls, and ceiling. Two more hippies were hard at work drawing more.

Finally, they came to a storeroom. "This is our room of treasures!" bragged Linda. Along one wall, a hippie was carefully arranging piles of silver shekels. First there were two silver coins on floor, then a stack of two coins, then a stack of three, then five, eight, thirteen, and half a dozen piles after that, each increasing in height. Against another wall were neat stacks of old adventuring equipment, apparently itemized into categories: tidy stacks of backpacks, armor, weapons, iron spikes, etc.

Gulleck looked at the old adventuring gear. "You, uh, don't use this stuff anymore?"
"No, man, that was, like, a long, long time ago. Now we just take it easy here, you know?"
"Well, why don't you, uh, maybe sell that stuff and buy some better food?"

Jimmy's eyes twitched a bit and narrowed. "Why would we want to do that? We spent hours and hours arranging those things like that."
"Well, I mean, then you'd have more food and you wouldn't have piles of junk."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY???" screeched Jimmy. "THAT JUNK IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US!!!"

"Whoa!" exclaimed Caryatid. "Dial it back!"

"DIAL IT BACK???" screamed Linda. "DIAL IT BACK!!!???"

And without warning Linda lunged at Caryatid. Caryatid slipped on her ring of invisibility, but Linda's hands reached for the last place Caryatid had been and closed around her throat, choking her. The hippie (did I say they were hippies? Actually, berserkers!) who had been counting the shekels cowered in the corner, arms wrapped around his head.

Jimmy jumped at Gulleck, and Gulleck, who was loath to respond with lethal force against these clearly unhinged people, sidestepped him and tripped him as he attacked. Dwarven jujitsu! Gulleck quickly sat on Jimmy and held his arms behind his back.

Caryatid struggled but was unable to free herself from Linda's choking grasp, and was strangled to death, becoming visible as she slumped to the ground. Now, do you remember the little monkey that Caryatid acquired in a far-away land, named Marcel, and carried around on her shoulder? Well, these are the moments when decisions like that pay off. When Marcel saw his mistress strangled to death, he went absolutely stark raving insane. He pulled a dagger from Caryatid's belt and stabbed Linda again and again until she fell, blood spraying everywhere.

"LINDA!!!" screamed the cowering hippie, and charged the adventurers. Remus took the brunt of the impact, and he was slammed into the stone wall. His head cracked against the wall and he fell to the floor, dead. Marcel leapt off of Linda's corpse to stab at this hippie with the dagger, opening up deep wounds as the knife rose and fell. The hippie fell with a shriek. It was a one monkey bloodbath (all attack and damage rolled completely legitimately, I should add!).

Jimmy wouldn't stop struggling, so Gulleck whacked him on the head with the flat of his axe and he fell stunned. The surviving adventurers tied Jimmy up with some rope and then waited for him to regain consciousness.

"Oh no, man, what happened! Somethin' really bad..." Jimmy looked around with wide eyes at the four bloody corpses surrounding him. "Oh, man, this is a real bummer..."

Gulleck and Simon did their best to keep Jimmy calm as they tried to explain. Jimmy seemed contrite. Gulleck told him about the pool at the south end of the dungeon level that could revive the recently deceased and suggested he try bringing Linda and the other to the pool. Jimmy agreed to escort Gulleck out of the hippies' den, so that Caryatid and Remus could be revived. They passed through a lounge, where four hippies lay on couches and bedrolls, staring vaguely into space or meditating.

"Whoa," said one of the hippies as Caryatid's and Remus's corpses were carried through. "Bad trip, man."

The ceremonial drums of the orcs were echoing through the halls as the adventures carries the bodies of the comrades to the resurrection pool. The pool was just across a hall from the orc temple, and they could hear an orc's voice raised in exhortation: "Oh, great Ashaku'mar! Grant us retribution against Gong Inspectors!"

Caryatid and Remus were lowered into the mystical pool of slippery warm liquid, where they emerged gasping moments later, fully healed of all wounds and marks. The group fled upstairs and returned to the Rusty Lantern tavern, with nothing but war stories to show for their efforts.

A smaller roster than on recent evenings, with just the "dynamic duo" of Gulleck and Caryatid and their retainers. The adventurers consulted with a tailor in the neighborhood near the Rusty Lantern tavern, to duplicate the embroidered togas that allowed safe passage through the Temple of Hedonism (including a miniature toga for Caryatid's pet monkey Marcel), and then entered the dungeon with no particular goal in mind this evening.

They encountered a handful of random wandering monsters that they either avoided or that posed no threat to them. This included the ominous sight of a pair of the "Weeping Angels" last seen to have mysteriously vanished from the courtyard of the Temple of Death. Gulleck opened the door to the Temple of Hedonism and there they were in the vestibule. The stone statues of angels stood incongruously in the narrow hall, seemingly stopped in midstride. Everyone played along and backed into the temple without taking their eyes off the statues, and certainly, no one dared to blink!

Down on the second level, the group visited the lair of the orcs to see how they had responded to the theft of their gong and depletion of their forces. Unusually, no orcs stood guarding the entrance to their lair. On the floor lay a crude clay bowl containing a few coppers, below a sign painted on a scrap of wood that read, "LEEV TOLE" with an arrow pointing to the bowl.

The adventurers laughed roundly at the orcs' cowardice and continued on their merry way. In one room they stumbled on a half dozen of the young urchins who seemed to live in the dungeon. Though usually friendly with the adventurers, they jumped in surprise as the party entered the room and nearly fell over themselves trying to run away. Gulleck calmed them down and asked why they were so nervous. It turned out that one of their number, a girl named Vicki, had been kidnapped by the goblins, and the rest of the urchins were feeling particularly vulnerable and on edge. Gulleck and Caryatid promised to help find Vicki and bring her back if possible, and said they would leave a note for the urchins in the Temple of Hedonism. (Kind of a funny place to leave messages for children, if you ask me!)

Further along in the dungeon, they passed a pair of swinging saloon doors (yes, just like in the Old West), behind which came the incongruous sound of singing and laughing in weird, high-pitched voices. Inside, the party found a half dozens goblins partying in the old tavern room: dancing on the bar, guzzling wine from an ancient cask, playing cards around a table. They were friendly and eagerly invited the adventurers to join them. Gulleck offered them a bottle of wine from his backpack and they became friendlier still. The adventurers made small talk with the impish creatures, and then carefully broached the subject of the missing child. The goblins grinned conspiratorially. "Oh, she's come to live with us in our palace. She's come of her own free will and we would never hurt a hair on her head!"

The adventurers asked the goblins for directions to the palace, which the goblins were very happy to give them. Through the caves, east of the rope bridge. The adventurers were welcomed to visit the palace and meet the Goblin King. They could join him for a feast and partake of the goblin's delicious food, the likes of which was unrivalled for flavor. In fact, the goblins assured them, once they had tasted of the food, the goblins were confident they would want to come back again and again for more.

That did nothing to reassure the players! And off they went, following the goblins' directions to the palace of the Goblin King.

In the caves to the east, south of the dodgy rope bridge that spans a chasm, the adventurers followed a winding passage that ended in a small cave chamber that gave way to polished flagstones and an incongruous pair of ornate double doors. Gulleck knocked cautiously on the doors, and craned his neck to look up at the huge, hulking goblins that opened the doors from the other side. Inside the doors was a small guardroom in which four of the looming, hairy creatures were stationed, peering down at the adventurers with their baleful, bulging eyes.

"What business do you have in the Palace of the Goblin King?" one of the guards asked, in the eerie, hooting voice common to these creatures.

"We've come to seek an audience with the Goblin King. We were invited!"

"You must leave your weapons here. They will be returned to you when you leave the palace."

Nobody was happy about this (they have a very uneasy "friendly terms" thing going on with the goblins, which has only become even less easy with the new implications about the children), but they eventually figured that they had come here just to make inquiries, not to attack the goblins in their own lair. They handed over their obvious weapons, though Caryatid made a point to conceal her magical wands.

After being left to wait for some time, the party was escorted by a pair of the looming goblins into the hallways of the palace. The floors were tiled with black and white squares similar to that of the Goblin Market, slightly off-kilter and crooked in an unsettling way. The walls likewise seemed just ever-so-slightly out of square, producing a disorienting feeling when contrasted with the opulence of the hallways, lined with torch sconces, tapestries, and other decorations. Occasionally, they passed hallway junctions that were marked with curious pieces of furniture: a writing desk, a large stuffed ostrich, a tall fish tank containing strange ocean denizens...

The goblins led the party on a bizarre, circuitous route, and the players (and characters) were frantically trying to sketch out a map in case they needed to make a quick retracing of their steps. They turned a corner and suddenly the map made no sense at all. According to it, they should have turned back against another hallway where there was a solid wall, but now the hall stretched out in front of them!

"What? Whaaat?! Whaaaaat!" sputtered Gulleck's player, as the map became increasingly nonsensical. Eventually, the players tossed up their hands in despair and declared that Marcel (Caryatid's monkey) had been doing the mapping as they walked (and doing a poor job of it). They were led through the disorienting hallways and eventually through a corridor whose walls were lined with various flags and pennants, and then passed through a pair of doors into a great hall where goblins and hobgoblins were engaged in a raucous feast. Platters of sublimely beautiful fruit and meats sat on the table, and goblins were devouring the food with relish. Energetic music came from a corner, where a small band of goblins played unfamiliar instruments. There were goblins laying on a table below large barrels and kegs of wine and beer, letting the liquid pour directly into their mouths. As the adventurers surveyed the alarming sight before them, they made eye contact with a pair of hobgoblins seated at the head table, and recognized their "friends" Margleton and Clabberpus. The hobgoblins smiled and nodded to them in greeting across the room.

The adventurers were ushered to seats near the head table, and they sat looking nervously at the preternaturally delicious-looking food laid in front of them, whispering to each other not to eat it. Suddenly, a door behind the head table was thrown open, and a tall, striking hobgoblin strutted in. He wore a resplendent doublet, tight leather pants, and a felt top hat, which he swept from his head and tossed into the crowd. His features were bold and angular, almost elfin but with the same sort of feral danger present in all of the goblins. Imagine a cross between David Bowie's Goblin King in "Labyrinth" and Tim Curry's Dr. Frank in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".

"Welcome to the Palace of the Goblin King!" he called to the adventurers. He spoke in an exaggeratedly posh accent. "How d'you do? I see you've met my... right-hand men," he said with a curl of his lips, wrapping his arms around Margleton and Clabberpus as he sank into his throne at the center of the head table. "And to what do I owe the extreme pleasure of your company?" And without giving them a chance to respond, he continued, "Ohhh, have you come to join us and stay here with us? Oh, do say you have, it would be positively ducky! We could feast together, and you could stay here forever and forever and ever..." His smile grew wider and more predatory as he spoke.

"Uh... thanks for the offer, but I'm afraid we can't accept right now," stammered Gulleck. "Actually, uh, Your Majesty, we've come to ask about some children."

"Yes? What children would those be?"

"Well, we've been given to understand that some children have perhaps come to live here, and we wanted to find out if everything was all right."

"Oh, those children!" smiled the Goblin King. "Oh yes, everything's fine. They're here of their own free will, you must understand. Nobody comes here except by their own free choice. We would never coerce anyone, especially not children."

"All the same," said Gulleck, "perhaps we could see the children?"

"I don't see why not," said the Goblin King amiably. He murmured instructions to a goblin servant, who hurried from the feast hall. "Now while we wait, please, enjoy your meal. I'm sure it will be the most delicious repast you have had in oh, ever so long. In fact, I'm positive that once you taste our food, you'll want to stay here and have it any time you like... So please, tuck in!" The adventurers made various excuses, or moved the food around on their plate. Some of them surreptitiously tucked away some food in a belt pouch for further investigation back in Idalium.

After a few minutes, the goblin servant returned with four children. They looked well fed and uninjured, having traded their urchin rags for the more brightly-colored rags of the goblins. Vicki was there, whom the other urchins had been searching for, as well as Jo, Dorothy, and a boy named Jamie. Vicki told Gulleck not to worry about them, that they were happy to be safe in the Goblin Palace. "We don't have to hide and scavenge for food any more. We're all grown up now." She told them that she trusted the Goblin King and that they wanted to stay in the palace. The other three children nodded and expressed agreement.

"Well, I really think you should reconsider," said Gulleck, but he was unable to muster a convincing argument that life with the goblins was worse than the hard knock life of a dungeon urchin.

"Are you satisfied that no harm has come to them?" asked the Goblin King jovially. "You see, they're happy here!"

Having ascertained the situation of the lost urchins, the adventurers politely disengaged themselves from the feast. The Goblin King was disappointed to see them go, but graciously waved for a party of guards to escort them back to the entrance. "Oh well, feel free to stop by any time you like. Although, best to make an appointment for an audience. I'm such a busy man, you know."

The guards led them back through the back door, through unfamiliar corridors that followed no logical path, and eventually they emerged at the guardroom where they had entered. They made an appointment to see the Goblin King for early next Saturday, and then collected their weapons and headed back to the surface. They were troubled by their discovery, and deeply suspicious of the sparkling and shining fruit tucked away in their packs...

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Journal of Tod Quasit Jr. Sunday January 26th, 209I can't get the stench of Orc out of my nose. Yes. It's been a while since I wrote in this journal. Too long. But I can finally calm my thoughts down enough to seem rational. I think. Am I dreaming this? Do you hear me? Jibber was right. Maybe I should think about adjusting my life style. But then again, he's started talking in earnest to a stuffed rabbit he bought at the Goblin Market for a kiss who he has named Lord Stuffins. It is hard to take serious life style advise from a fellow prone to this sort of behavior. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a form of therapy condoned by The Church and he was doing research. He mentioned something about a phone to God. I have no idea what that means.

So yesterday, we descended into the Under City as usual, to check up on the gnome's progress in the hole we have commissioned. Flap Jinkins said it would probably be a couple more weeks. That hole is already 30 feet deep. How thick are these floors? Then we ran into the Wraith King. I like to think I'm a brave sort. I generally don't back down from a fight but the sight of this guy froze me in my tracks. Jibber and his rabbit did not seem at all concerned. I don't want to talk about the Wraith King anymore, other then to say he seems concerned with the general tidiness of the tunnels and he generally didn't harm anyone.

We gathered ourselves together and went down to the second level. Just for the fun of it I drank the pink liquid from the fountain in the orgy room. Now I'm a girl. Let's just leave it at that. That elf drank it too and now she's a man. Jibber refused to drink. Lord Stuffins apparently advised him against it.

After much discussion, we decided to have a go at the orcs standing guard by their annoying gong. Gulleck hates that gong and I do too. We confronted the guards telling them we were there to inspect their gong. They weren't buying it. Then I said we were taking a census. They didn't buy it. Out popped an Orc and he shot an arrow at Gulleck and missed. I got out my bow and shot back. Thwunk! Right through the neck. We killed three of them and one got away. We took their gong and dumped it into the ravine. Then we went around and tried to attack from the other entrance.

A Great Battle ensued. I think that guy Meat who travels around with Gulleck hit Gulleck in the back with an arrow. Nice miss Wally. Gulleck tumbled down the steps but made it back up. Many orcs and orclike men were killed. Gulleck got himself a fancy shield. It got late and it was time to go home. We'll save the rest of the orcs for another day I guess. Time for another bath and then I'm meeting Jibber at The Filthy Arab for a well deserved Sunday brunch and drinks.

About This Blog

This is a blog about old school Dungeons & Dragons, and primarily about the Basic/Expert D&D campaign I am running with my friends. I will post campaign journals, setting information, and additional ramblings about the game and the rules.