The problem is, the way we communicate today encourages speed and impulsiveness. And when we do things quickly, without thinking them through, there are more opportunities for mistakes, regrets and repercussions.

Instead, practicing sober second thought is good practice.

Don’t act immediately. Take a few minutes, even a few seconds, to give your brain a chance to think through your words. Then ask yourself 3 questions.

What’s my goal?

Consider what outcome you expect from this communication.

Is communicating necessary?

Sometimes choosing not to comment or respond is the best course of action. Communicating something critical is generally unhelpful at best and damaging at worst. Simply being silent can often be the wisest choice.

What positive words and phrases can I use to communicate helpfully?

Screen whatever thought first comes to mind and consider whether there’s a better way to communicate it.

If we say or write something we really shouldn’t have, it’s important to apologize quickly and meaningfully. But remember, making a habit of poor communication and frequent apologies undermines our credibility.

We can’t retract what’s done, and the impact of words, both positive and negative, can last a long time – even forever. So, let’s choose words with sober second thought.

“What do you think will be the most difficult challenge for communicators in 2019?”

PR News recently posed this question to several respected communicators in major North American organizations. Many of their responses had a common theme: in a noisy environment of mistrust, getting our honest messages heard, and gaining the confidence of our audiences, will be the most difficult challenges.

Fortunately they also offered helpful advice, like the following, to address these challenges.

“guide audiences to the evidence they need to make an informeddecision” Chris Loder, VP, External Communications – Bayer Corp.

“if you can make decisions that align with such values as integrity and accountability, both as an organization and as leaders, then that’s half the battle.” Barbara Cosio Moreno, Executive Director, Communications & Outreach – San Diego Convention Center Corporation

People want to interact with individuals and organizations they respect and trust. So how can we communicate with integrity, transparency and authenticity to gain others’ confidence?

Here are some helpful guidelines.

Aim to earn the respect and trust of our audiences

Demonstrate (rather than talk about) trustworthiness

Ensure the information we share comes from reliable sources

Prioritize honesty and consistency in all communications

No hidden agendas – communicate candidly and openly

Show genuine understanding for the problems, needs and feelings of our audiences

Be concerned about the potential impact on these audiences of what we communicate

Do what we say we’ll do

Admit mistakes when we make them

Invite input and feedback; then listen and learn

When it comes right down to it, to get our messages heard and gain the confidence of our audiences, as Anne Cowan suggests, it takes consistently communicating with integrity, transparency and authenticity.

Listening to people who are the opposite of wise inflames the anger and misunderstanding many of us experience today.

“Wisdom is oriented toward social harmony and the good of the people around us, not just toward ourselves,” says Jonathan Rauch, exploring the qualities of wisdom in the recent Globe & Mail article, Why Wisdom Might be Ripe for Rediscovery. “The benefits of having wise people and behaviour in our midst spill over to make life better for the rest of us.”

So how do we find wisdom?

Along with “the ability to use knowledge and experience to make good decisions and judgments” (Cambridge Dictionary), wisdom has a number of specific qualities. By seeking out people with these characteristics, and paying attention to what they communicate, all of us can benefit.

Rauch and psychology professor Laura Carstensen mention some of the traits that are integral to wisdom.

Use pragmatic knowledge of life to resolve personal and social problems

Try to understand situations from multiple perspectives and are tolerant

Able to cope with ambiguity and uncertainty

The ability to regulate emotions

A capacity for reflection and dispassionate self-understanding

What’s perhaps most valuable about wisdom for all of us is that wise people also possess compassion and concern for the common good. And they demonstrate generativity ­ – a need to contribute to society and to do things that benefit future generations.

Advice and guidance from wise people encourages us to do what’s right.

So let’s seek out wisdom. Let’s encourage and support, listen and learn from, wise people – those individuals who communicate accurately, sensitively, compassionately and helpfully.

While skimming headlines on our smartphones is the new norm that constitutes reading for many of us, it’s taking a toll on our communication skills: listening, speaking and writing.

Yet solid communication skills are crucial for success in many fields of work.

According to Psychology Today, reading on screens can stress the brain and interfere with deep learning. By setting aside our smartphones and other screens for just a few minutes each day and reading a variety of materials, however, we can build the skills we need for success. At the same time we will reap additional benefits that enhance our lives overall.

Here are six important reasons why we should read. Lots. Often.

Builds language competence because we learn new words and how to use vocabulary and to structure thoughts and sentences.

Improves our writing by exposing us to other styles and forms of writing, and better writing than our own.

Why do so many of us believe fake news and act on dubious sources of information?

Likely because the individuals communicating the info tell a better story than the real experts.

The work of respected educators, researchers, scientists, entrepreneurs, business and nonprofit leaders may be based on facts – but their communications with non-experts should be based on stories. Because facts don’t make people change their thinking or behaviour. Stories do.

As social media increasingly muddles fact and fiction, the way we frame information when we communicate has a dramatic impact on whether the intended recipients pay attention to it and how they process it.

In my last blog post, I mentioned how neuroscience research shows that when receiving communications our brains pay attention and respond according to filters. As far as our minds are concerned – truth, facts, accuracy – these are not top filters. Our brains are more engaged by emotionally compelling stories. The reason? Neuroscience also tells us our need to connect with one another is as strong as our instinct to survive.

Stories connect us by developing common ground and understanding. When people relate to a story, they are more receptive to the ideas being communicated.

Unlike facts, powerful stories establish tension that needs to be resolved. They show us a better place and a way to get there. This tension helps to persuade people to change thinking or behaviour in order to move to that better place.

So if you want to influence how people think, feel or act, before stating the facts, start with a great story.

Here are the principles of captivating storytelling.

Present a problem that encourages your audience to keep reading/listening/ watching – capture their attention and imagination with a fascinating story that introduces the context and a relatable challenge. Align the problem with something your audience has, or could, experience.

Show what’s possible – the beneficial end result of what it would be like if the problem were solved. How could it make life/work better? Show how it will be worth the effort to get there.

Explain how to get there – your solution to the problem. Make your key points. What’s special or transformative about the resolution? How does it address the problem or challenge? Demonstrate this with an example.

Describe the impact your solution has or could have. Now you can support your story with facts, but also include an example or two as part of the story to illustrate the impact. How were people affected by the solution to the problem? What positive differences did it make?

Conclude with a call to action – consider what you want your audience to think or do after hearing your story. As you wrap up, invite them to do it.

Ready to educate, motivate or persuade? Begin with a story of struggle and triumph. It will engage the brain, capture the heart, and make change happen.

For professional communicators, the Oxford dictionary 2016 word of the year – post-truth – is a game changer.

Post-truth: an adjective defined as ‘relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.’

The US election campaign clearly demonstrated this new reality when feelings proved to be more powerful than facts in influencing the thoughts and behaviour of the public.

Neuroscience tells us that when receiving communications our brains use filters, paying attention and acting according to these filters.

To help communicators successfully engage and connect with others, the Maritz Institute developed a communications model based on these filters.

First, there’s interest vs. effort. When receiving a communication, the first reaction of our brains is to determine whether it’s worth the effort, favouring messages that present the most interest and the least effort.

Truth, facts, accuracy – none of these are top filters as far as our brains are concerned. Moreover, social media blurs the boundaries between fact and fiction.

So if we want to capture attention, engage people and build relationships in a post-truth era, neuroscience suggests we should communicate with messages that are simple, emotionally appealing and relevant to recipients’ experiences and expectations.

Of course, if we also want to establish a reputation for honesty and trustworthiness, our communications must also be consistently truthful and factual.

Yet it’s one of the most effective communication tools to gain understanding and to build relationships.

Want to understand the reason for a client’s decision?

Want to know why your boss is handling a situation a certain way?

Want to figure out why a colleague has a different opinion than you about strategy for a project?

Then sit down together and have a dialogue. When you view an issue differently than someone else or you don’t understand the individual’s perspective, having an open-minded dialogue can help both of you achieve a common understanding. Moreover, it’s enjoyable, it’s easy and it’s rewarding.

If you don’t know how to dialogue effectively or have forgotten how, here are a few tips.

The goal of a dialogue is simply to understand the other person’s viewpoint – not to persuade them to your way of thinking.

One individual talks, presenting his or her point of view.

The other person listens, without interrupting or asking questions, with the aim of learning and understanding.

Then it’s the listener’s turn to talk. Again, the aim is simply to explain your own standpoint – not to defend it or to argue against the other person’s opinion.

By the end of the dialogue you should share a deeper understanding of each other’s opinions, ideas or issues.