Spider Web Dance

by Greg Parkhurst

After a long weekend of not riding my ELF bike, I rode it to work this morning. What should have been a normal everyday occurrence for me turned into the “Spider Web Dance”! Since the ELF was sitting in the garage all weekend a spider moved in and decided to make a large web at the top of the door area. This was not your ordinary web, noooo, it was a thick, sticky, face grabbing and not let go type of web. As I proceeded to enter the ELF, I did the “hokey pokey” and put your left leg in followed by my head, specifically my left side of my face. At this point there was no return. My momentum and gravity compelled me to continue as my face was drawn into the web as I sat down. The normal reaction at this time is to start flailing your arms and get out in the most undignified manner. As I’m exiting, the right side of my face is now gathering up what remains of the spider web. Now try to picture a 55 year old guy dancing around in front of an ELF bike wiping to no avail the spider web which now encompasses his entire head! To make it even better, the above mentioned spider decided to land right in the middle of my right side lens of my glasses. I was staring right into the beast! As most side mirrors on cars state “Objects Are Closer Then They Appear”. This is the point in time where my glasses flew off my face and landed (luckily) in the wet grass. I carry a soft towel in the back so I can wipe down the windshield periodically – also good if you plan on doing any intergalactic hitch-hiking. So I stumbled to the trunk and got my towel and proceeded to wipe my face. Looking down at the towel was the beast! This guy just won’t give up! With a quick flick of my finger it was sent flying to who knows where. After I regained my composure and looking around to see if anybody was watching, I picked up my glasses wiped them off and using a nearby stick I turned into the swashbuckler Douglas Fairbanks as I removed what remained of the web. With a little hesitation I climbed back into the ELF and rode it to work while constantly looking around the interior for any more eight legged critters.