Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Top Ten

Too many people (some of whom are DC staffers) claim that
Wondie doesn’t have a true rogues gallery, or that the one she has isn’t very
impressive. I disagree. Here are the best of her recurring foes, making up a notable
menace of international scope:

10.Baroness Paula von Gunther. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #4.The
baroness gets a significant part to play in WW canon as she was a major
early character, a Nazi mastermind who constantly battled Wondie. In fact, the
first TV WW episode starred the baroness (and is one of the few episodes I find really enjoyable).

Paula von Gunther rises from mere Nazi über-agent to be the
first criminal that WW REFORMED. Yes, it would have meant more if it hadn’t turned
out that Paula was doing all this horrible stuff only because the Nazis were
holding hostage her daughter, Gerta. Diana got Gerta back and Paula quickly adopted the
Loving Submission that the early book loved to preach, and joined the Amazons.

After that, Paula became not only Diana’s friend but the
inventor of all kinds of cool Amazon gadgets. In the Sixties it was explained
that she was the one who adapted the Purple Ray to give Donna Troy her Wonder
Girl powers.

So she doesn’t really make that great a villain now, but
boy, was she back then! And mark her as being German (or thereabouts) in
nationality.

So for her replacement let’s add an unrepentant number…

10.Dr. Poison. One of many villains in WW’s rogues gallery
who hold doctorates, Dr. P’s first appearance came in Sensation Comics (first series) #2.

As part of her sadistic medical arsenal, Dr. P brandishes
needles and viruses and scalpels—all things to make one’s skin crawl. Literally.
Dr. P hasn’t been seen that much in the pages of WW, but her appearances have been memorable ones, accented by her ghastly
grin (that looks nothing like Joker’s, thank goodness) and propensity to wear
mannish lab coats. In this day of pandemic scares, Dr. Poison’s threat is
terrifying.

Dr. Poison, both original grandmother and modern granddaughter,
are Japanese.

9.Angle Man. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #62. Yet when I speak of Angle Man as a
fitting top-level member of Wondie’s rogues gallery, it is the suave and
stylish Phil Jimenez version I speak of, and ONLY he. The others were churlish
(and boring) wanna-bes and frauds (and the real
AM most assuredly dealt with them once he found them). Angelo Bend
made his first appearance in Wonder Woman
(second series) #179.

The best villains contain layers of characterization, and
this AM seemed to seesaw between good and evil. (What’s his angle?) He was
infatuated with Donna Troy as well, which likely would need to be switched to Wondie if she and he return, since this is a discussion of Wondie's rogues, not Donna Troy's.

At some modern point it’s been established
that the Angle tool that Angelo uses is something he supposedly stole from
Darkseid. Now, THAT must be some story! (Or is it a lie?) The angle can twist
gravity, light, space, dimensions, and on rare occasion, time. I wonder if
Angelo has full control over it?

I once gushed that AM was interesting in this incarnation
because he was gay, or mostly so. Phil J. responded that Angelo was not gay;
rather, he was European. To this day, this remains one of the funniest lines
I’ve ever heard, but Phil was perfectly serious.

Add to AM’s appeal that he’s Italian. And a shade or two
darker-skinned than most of the other WW villains. Variety is always welcome!

8.Silver Swan. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #288, and we’ll stick with 85% of that version if we're bringing her back.
Ordinarily I’d give a disdainful sniff in her direction. I’ve never liked her
because of her motivation. This is a feminist comic (or it’s supposed to be),
and for a major female character to have her entire life revolving around her
looks is just kind of demeaning to women.

In SS’s case, the sickness propelled her into becoming the
Swan. I prefer the first Swan’s origin because she starts out not that bad-looking,
but wants more, and this signifies greed: a good basis for a villain. The
second Swan truly needed to be cosmetically enhanced, so the reader could feel
pity for her and cheer when she eventually reformed. I’ll take the first one,
though a revamped character would do well to forget the hour time limit she had
for power usage, and utilize the wonders of modern technology for her creation
and powers. (The Perez version had the better look.)

The Swan can fly, she has enhanced strength, and she has
some kind of Canary Cry that really should be modified because Black Canary
already exists. She is quite visually exciting, I’ll give her that.
Nationality: American.

7.White Magician. First appearance: Wonder Woman Annual #3, second series. The Magician was killed off,
but a revamp could start mid-career with him before he’d turned into a demon.

The Magician is a crazy-layered guy, devious and egocentric. He was born in the same
generation as Thomas Jefferson, to whom he was a cousin (or possibly
cousin-in-law). WM considered himself essential in the founding of the US, and
over the years (his magic gave him a lengthened lifespan, though he is not
immortal) he has become incensed that immigrants and (gad) women have gained so
much power. His perfect USA would be ruled by rich white male landholders. Even
better, it would be ruled by HIM.

The really neat thing about WM is that until a little after
Wonder Woman came to Mortal’s World, he played the part of a good guy, even
being a member of some minor heroic super groups. Most of the public still revere
him as a hero, not knowing how deeply entwined he is in Boston’s underworld and
who knows what else.

I hate undefined magic, but WM’s magic was fairly focused on
his being able to change people into demonic/evil-Terminator-types who would
then do his bidding as hirelings. He could also do other minor magics, but this
was his specialty. He supplemented his magics by supporting
über-technology-based villains. He was a misogynist who kept beautiful women as
long as they obeyed and worked for him.

Nationality: American (as in practically a Founding Father).

6.Giganta. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #9.

The modern Giganta is yet another doctor in Wondie’s rogue
gallery. Diana attracts the elite, you know, but we’ll give Giganta credit for
not going by the name “Dr. Giganta.” Her shtick is that she can grow to giant
size. Efforts have been made to put her in modern uniforms, but let’s face it,
the ol’ animal print is a classic. Let’s just assume she wears something under
that skirt. Please.

Every hero needs a goofy villain. Giganta is Wondie’s. It
took Phil J. (sorry; not trying to name-drop) to remind me of this. And of
course, Giganta is quite the spectacular figure moving across the comic book
page. As the temporary partner of another villain, she can even accomplish some
serious sh… I mean, stuff. And when she was romancing Ryan (Atom) Choi and
seemingly trying to go straight, she was hilarious.

Nationality: Darned if I know what Dr. Zeul is. The name is
Prussian. She’s probably American, or maybe that’s just the nationality of the
body she ended up with. Hm. Brain: Russian; body: American? Mexican? Canadian?

5. [Dr.] Cyber. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #179. No, I don’t mean the “I want to
steal Wonder Woman’s face” Dr. Cyber with the metal mask! We already have the
Silver Swan with the hangup about her looks. A serious feminist villain doesn’t
have self-image problems.

No, the original Cyber (there are too many doctors in the
rogues gallery, so let’s lose Cyber’s title as part of her villain name, though
she can keep the degree[s]) was created at the height of the James Bond craze,
and she’s the ultimate James Bond-type villain. Entirely human, she heads a
worldwide, underground organization whose sole goal is to get Cyber more money.
And likely the power that goes with it. She is the hidden force behind
conspiracies and is spoken about in whispers, only coming into the open on rare
occasion. Most who have heard the whispers assume she’s a man.

Cyber is stylish, smooth and very likely British, as most
Bond villains are. Her organization has historically been depicted as primarily
female, but I hate homogeneous groups (BO-ring!), so if we bring her back in her
proper form, she should be an equal-opportunity employer.

Her top lieutenant or at least an important underling, is
Lu Shan, the Chinese daughter of Diana’s one-time partner, Lu (I Ching) Shu-Shang.
It never hurts to have a family connection to the hero!

4. The creepy Dr. Psycho’s first appearance was in Wonder Woman (first series) #5. A
premier example of a misogynist, he has too often been depicted as merely a
criminal hypnotist. But no, in addition to his telepathic, illusion-casting,
mind-raping hypnotism, he is evil incarnate. He hates women and will use them
in any way he can.

Even so, he doesn’t mind—doesn’t mind at all—using men in
his schemes as well.

Psycho’s one scary-looking guy. Add his madness to the mix,
and you have a prime supervillain.

Nationality? I always “hear” him with a spooky but exotic
accent. Let’s see… Brazil or thereabouts? Let’s spread the villain wealth
around the world!

3.Circe. It’s hard to believe, but Circe first appeared in WW in issue #37 of the first series. We
usually think of the version that first appeared in issue #18 of the second
series (Perez run).

Many fans have been upset that Circe has been cast as a
villain. Certainly when I was growing up, Circe was a good guy who occasionally
appeared in Superman family comics. (It was she who was involved in the
origin of Comet the Super-Horse.) If you want an crazy-evil witch from
classical Greek myths, Medea is your gal.

But we’ve been given Circe. (To DC’s credit, for a while her
fate/soul was tangled with Medea’s.) I hate undefined magic and Circe is one of
the slew of undefined magic users that darken various comic universes. However,
in mythology and often in comics, Circe had a specialty: she turned people into
animals. If she keeps to that gimmick and only relies on other magic in limited
(may I hope for defined?) ways, she makes a fearsome adversary.

Add in Loebs’ storyline in which Circe double-crossed
herself in hopes of becoming Ares’ wife/partner and wound up befriending Diana,
and you’ve got a complex character to play with!

Circe’s Hellenic.

2. The chaotic [Dr. again!] Cheetah. First appearance: WW #6, first series. Cheetah has
appeared in three different major variations. (We won’t count He-Cheetah who
only appeared in a couple issues.) First she was Priscilla Rich, who suffered
from split personality. This is a favorite of quite a few Wondiacs. (May I coin
that term? All right, we’ll forget it.) After her death in the Bronze Age, the
Kobra organization brainwashed her niece Debbie Domaine into becoming the new
Cheetah. Neither had any powers. What, you send someone without powers to go mano a mano against Wondie? Not on my watch!

Nope, the best Cheetah was Dr. Barbara Minerva (an
unfortunate last name), a rather horrible British (South African?) archaeologist
(so many archaeologists in the WW mythos! We should give some of them new
specialities, like Barbara should have been an anthropologist or historian) who
willingly enslaved herself to the madness and power of Urtzkartaga
(I usually call him “Urtsy-Wurtsy” because I can never remember the name),an African god, in order to achieve immortality. After
periodic blood offerings she becomes a were-cheetah, a super-strong, demonic,
claw-wielding killing force worthy to oppose Wonder Woman.

She’s a great one for the visual medium of comics. Her
appearance, unless she’s wearing a sleek modern costume, is striking, and her
methods are brutal. She was often accompanied by her minion, the West African (Which
country? Were we ever told?) priest Chuma. He’s dead now but could be brought
back for new adventures. You know how comics are.

If I were to revamp the character for use in a modern series, I'd change her name to Dr. Barbara Domaine.

1.Ares.
He was there almost from the first; definitely from the first issue of Wonder Woman, though after his introduction he went by the name of Mars for a long time. Aphrodite championed Wondie to fight
a world at war, personified by Ares.

Consider
this: Wonder Woman’s theme is positive empowerment. Ares stands at the opposite
of that. He wants the world enslaved. To whom? It doesn’t matter, so long as
there’s discord, violence and misery. They will be enslaved to his power.

Writers
have a tendency to portray comic book gods as high-level super-types who utilize
undefined magic. But think again about WHY humanity created gods. They were to
explain the unexplainable and provide logic to an illogical world. Gods
personified forces of nature.

Thus
picture Ares as War itself: sometimes calculating and logical, but usually unbridled
fury. Hatred, jealousy, murderousness, cruelty in their raw forms. Give him a
little classicism and have him able (sometimes) to operate in a human way in
that he holds war as an honorable calling. He knows his energy is dark, and he
glories in it.

He
is a GOD, a personification of the violence of the human psyche, and therefore
he should not be able to descend to true human realms and form without extreme
effort. (See: Ares Buchanan.) So he has to whisper his temptations to humans in
their dreams, or he utilizes unique minions to carry out his orders. (See: Duke
of Deception, Deimos, original Silver Swan, etc.) He can set up circumstances
to bring discord and hatred into the world, and when it arrives his presence
can boil the very heavens with his exultation. You want to compare him to
Darkseid? Heck, it’s Ares who gives
Darkseid his ideas! Ares is the one who gains the most from Darkseid’s
triumphs.

Ares’
threats can come from any direction and through any medium. He’s a tremendous
foe who can only be beaten back temporarily.

There you have it: A rogues gallery that is ten strong and
contains a wide variety of powerful villains who are interesting both in
character and visuals—perfect for comics!

Don’t let anyone say again that Wonder Woman doesn’t have a
great rogues gallery!

After a hit man blasts telepathic psychiatrist David Lumen’s mind into the body of a pampered kitty on its way home to the moon, David’s desperate plan to make himself whole again is hampered by his new feline life. The only person close enough to communicate with is struggling avant-garde artist, Pippin Applegate.Together they spot David’s body walking around... with the hit man’s mind inside. Can David regain his true body when it’s leaving a trail of chaos and murder that leads to Pippin’s make-or-break art show?I'd appreciate it if you checked it out, maybe even wrote an honest review for it. Thanks!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Oh heck, first it embedded the video and then it didn't. I give up. Go to this link and view it, okay?

That's Hillsborough, NC mayor Tom Stevens on the left, and PHE, Inc. founder/chairman (I think his new title is since he recently stepped down from being president) Phil Harvey on the right, cutting the ribbon to the new warehouse for Adam & Eve.

We're one of Orange County's largest employers, with 300 employees. That doesn't include the people employed at our franchises located around the country.

Me? I've been with the company for oh, 31 1/2 years or so. (My supervisor's always asking me, "When are you going to retire?" Don't know what to make of that.) (And it only feels like it's been 10 years or so.)

When I was out of work so many years ago, desperate for ANYTHING, I started at a small warehouse-plus-offices building located to the west of Carrboro, NC. Previously the company had been in downtown Chapel Hill (which is attached to Carrboro like a Siamese twin). The office I worked in had windows that faced brick, a sign of the company already expanding, for that office had once been on an outer wall.

Eventually that building got crowded. How crowded? You had to dodge cardboard box mountains in the halls. They kicked us in Marketing and another department out and we moved to an ancient warehouse in Hillsborough that required a lot of fixing up before we arrived.

In those days I lived just past the northeast edge of Hillsborough, and every morning I drove past a lovely little farm. That farm was sold, and offices began to be built on the land. I told my supervisor that it might be a good spot for us to move to, since we were looking.

Sure enough, the company bought that lot. (My supervisor snapped at me later that they'd already decided on the lot before I brought it up. That was kind of strange since she acted like she'd never heard of it when I talked to her.) Almost twenty years ago the new building opened there. How handy to have work so close when Hurricane Fran hit! Our office park, which also contains a nursing home and hospice (and vet and Sportsplex and wine company and chainsaw company and ambulance group and really, really rotten dentist, a school, a senior center…) was one of the first places to get electricity back. I recharged my laptop daily at my desk, and it was one of my primary ways of lighting my house for a week. Working in a semi-functioning office was also preferable to hanging around in a powerless house.

But eventually I moved while PHE stayed where it was. The office part is three stories high, and offices/departments are always being shifted around. Don't know why. Seems to me that would get expensive after a while. The warehouse is two stories. Someone said that five million orders go out of there each year, or maybe the new warehouse will be able to handle another five million or something, but a whole lot of orders are processed in our warehouse!

So thanks out there, for ordering from us. You've allowed me to pay for housing, a couple cars, groceries, etc. Hillsborough has not (as the opponents to our moving there warned) put up billboards proclaiming it the Sex Capital of the South. In 2005 PHE, Inc. was awarded "Business of the Year" by the Hillsborough Chamber of Commerce.

We've survived numerous court cases and raids (yes, I've been in a raid!), and are one of the few corporations that have taken on the United States of America in court and WON. (Which reminds me: I still haven't read Phil's book about his view of the events.)

Quite a few years ago (more like well over a decade) a co-worker and I were both beginning our first writing endeavors. We promised each other that our lead characters would work at Adam & Eve. Next month Stalemate, volume 3 of the superhero series "Three Worlds," will be coming out, and a sequence in it has one of our heroes touring a company that his darling bride works for. It looks suspiciously like an amalgam of Adam & Eve of about twenty years ago and the one of today. I think it's a pretty funny set of scenes. And the situation will come into play on a more serious level if, I mean when I publish Whore of the Worlds, which is volume… Oh, I don't know. Eight-ish.

So thanks, Adam & Eve and all your cousin companies, for supporting me all these years. Long may you wave! I'll try not to think about the fact that tomorrow I'll be ordering scores of vibrators again. (Y'see, along with my regular duties I also check our email campaigns, which involves tracking an order—usually a vibrator—through the ordering process to make sure there are no slip-ups. I live in fear of actually ordering one instead of hitting the "edit my order" button at the very end and then canceling. Good thing I'm using someone else's name.)

Next week: An exciting Wonder Woman column! With actual pictures! And I'll be announcing the re-release of Applesauce and Moonbeams! (Whew, finally!)