8.30.2013

prayer.

the past few nights i have continued to rock abel long after he's fallen asleep.

as i sit & gently rock, i notice how different his little body feels in my arms. so perfectly soft & chunky, so much heavier now than the day i first rocked him in that chair. james taylor as our background music of choice. carolina in my mind, to be more specific. it's our song... has been since the day he was born. he loves it & i love that. a setting i pray to never be forgotten. a setting that soothes my soul & brings me to a place of tears & prayer.

i pray & i cry, and then pray & cry some more.

i pray over abel. i pray that his life be full, that his heart be pure & good. that he not inherit any of mine or chris's not so good qualities. i pray that he knows Jesus, fully & in a way i still dream of getting to. i pray that he accept people right where they are, that he's forgiving & compassionate, kind & loving. i pray that God protect him from harm & that his little soul not be damaged by the world or the people in it. i pray that he loves. so many things i pray for that sweet little one...

i sit crying, some tears of joy, some of sadness... i pray about my dad. i plead with God every night to please not take him. i haven't had enough time with him & no amount of time will ever feel like enough. i think about my sisters & my friends. i pray for my husband & for our marriage. for my family. i ask God to cleanse my soul. to rid me of any hate, anger or pride, and to fill me with forgiveness & love. i pray with my whole heart... and it's been in those warm baby on my chest, james taylor in the background, tear soaked cheeks, mentally on my knees in prayer moments that i have felt closest to God this week.