Our journey to 7 children…. and will we have more? (Part 2 of 2)

Last week I wrote a post about our journey to 7 children. If you missed it, you can find it here. This post is a follow up to our journey to 7 children and asks the question…..

………. And will we have more?

There is not an easy answer to this question. Ultimately, God and time will tell.

From part one, you will see that my husband and I have both gone back and forth about controlling our family size. We were both ready to stop after baby #4, and then again after the twins (#5 and #6). Well, here we are again, seriously considering being done after this baby, #7, is born.

Why is this such a struggle for me? Where is my faith in the matter? My children are awesome and such a blessing, why wouldn’t I want more?

Well, here are some of the things going through my mind and heart about NOT having more children:

1. We are starting to feel the strain financially.

2. I’m tired and worn out – spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I have nothing left to give.

3. We are ready to get past the baby phase. Life is so much easier without diapers, strollers, car seats, etc..

4. I suffer from post partum depression. Some pregnancies affect me and some don’t, but when it hits, life is hard, for everyone.

5. I feel like I don’t have enough time for the kids I already have. There’s just not enough of me to go around. I want to be there for my kids and enjoy them – I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

I have noticed lately that there is a lot of talk in the Christian blogging community about leaving family size up to God. I see it a lot; I can’t get away from it. I even began to get a little annoyed at some of these women posting about leaving their family size up to God as if it was no big thing, such an easy decision to make, and even describing those who didn’t as selfish and unfaithful.

Everyone is different, everyone’s journey is different. So maybe it is easy for some, but I admit, it is hard for me. I’m scared. I’m a very fertile woman (and yes, I’m thankful for that and don’t take it for granted). At this rate, I could be right up there with Michelle Duggar before my childbearing years are over.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart,

but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

Then, after several days and much thought, prayer and self reflection, I realized I was being selfish and unfaithful. Please do not feel that if you don’t give God complete control of your fertility that you are selfish or unfaithful; God convicts everyone in different ways and in different areas of life. And I had realized that He was convicting ME in this area. The Lord was clearly putting this topic right in my face!! Obviously he was trying to tell me something.

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

Genesis 1:28 (NKJV)

I have never been 100% comfortable with saying we are done. When God decides it’s time for us to be done, then I know I will have peace. That still doesn’t make it easy to just turn it over to God. I guess the unknown is what’s scary. But I need to step out in faith on this. When I think about my faith in this area of my life, it reminds me of the Casting Crowns song, Voice of Truth.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And he shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I need to seek my God everyday and die to myself everyday. I realized I haven’t been doing that. It’s amazing what a little time away from God can do. I need to lean on Him for support and for my strength. With God, I can do anything! He WILL provide for us in every area we need. We may think we know what we need, but we don’t always, but God does. He has a plan and a purpose. I may not know what it is, or understand it, or even like it, but I have to trust Him. After all, He loves me and only wants the best for me. I never imagined my life would be like this – being a mom of many, a submissive wife, a homeschooler – I never planned it this way. God planned it for me and I am so thankful and blessed – I wouldn’t change it for anything!

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

As my husband and I were deciding once again to “be done,” we were entertaining the thought again about him getting a vasectomy. With all these thoughts and feelings that began surfacing within me, I knew we just couldn’t go this route. I hesitantly approached him one recent evening and shared my feelings with him. I was pleasantly surprised by his reaction – he was completely fine with it! Praise God!

With God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26

We would never, ever regret any of the children we have (or will have), or wish we didn’t have so many, or wish we didn’t have this one or that one, or wish we had stopped after so and so. But I could see us potentially regretting not having more and deciding to stop.

As I sit here finishing up this post, I am not even sure if this little baby inside me has a beating heart. And it just breaks mine to think that it might not. And it breaks my heart to think that we may never have anymore children. BUT, I have high hopes and great faith that this baby is fine and healthy, and I choose to trust my Lord, have faith in Him, and know His plans are perfect. At my doctor’s appointment yesterday, he could not hear the heartbeat with the doppler, so in a couple hours I will be getting an ultrasound, and I’m hoping we see that little flicker!

This is an ultrasound picture of our twins; it just amazes me every time I see it!

So back to the question, will we have more? I don’t know, that’s for God to decide. Do I want more? Yes, if that is God’s will and plan for us!

The only way I can see not having as many kids as God chooses to give you without any “modern” interference (birth control, vasectomy, etc.) is if you are unable to support said number of children. As long as you are able to support them and are able to raise them to productive adults, I see no reason to stop! But that’s just my two cents. 🙂 I wish you luck and I’m glad that little baby #7 is in there kicking away. 🙂

I totally sympathize with your list of reasons not to have more children. I only have one right now and some days I struggle to make it through the day. It’s discouraging when I think about how much more I’ll have to do with another little one (or 6!). I admire your commitment to seeking the Lord’s guidance and will definitely be praying for you and that sweet little #7.

Rejoicing with you that you saw a heartbeat! I am a mom of seven, as well–just wanted to offer you the encouragement that these challenging days DO get easier, a little at a time! My kids are 16, 14, 13, 11, 9, 4, and 15 months, and while I’m still up many times through the night with my little one, I also have the luxury of a “chauffeur” in my oldest son. Keep encouraged, and take things one day at a time. 🙂

I completely understand your feelings on the matter. My twins (#6 and #7) are just about to turn a year old and I know the likelihood of another pregnancy is great at this point, but it scares me. My last one was hard and my health has suffered this entire year. Anyway, just wanted to assure you that while I am one of those who has posted my story about trusting the Lord with the womb, I still waver! And…I am SOOO glad to hear all is well with your tiny little one!!

I’ve been to both extremes…when we first got married, I didn’t want kids at all. Got pregnant on the pill and was, at first, quite devastated…but God knew what I needed. At that point, I was in full-on “mom” mode. We stopped using protection and got pregnant immediately (literally) w/ baby #2…but my postpartum depression is very severe, it includes severe anxiety/panic attacks and it starts with pregnancy and lasts for a long time. It was nearly debilitating and it lasted from the time I got pregnant until pretty much now and my youngest is nearly 3. (I already suffered from mild depression, but pregnancy really kicked it up!). Because of this, we made the decision not to have more children and took permanent measures. I admit there are days I have doubts and wonder if I just wasn’t “trusting” God enough. There are even more days when it saddens me to think of never having more chidren.

But at the same time, I missed out on SO MUCH because of the severity of my depression and I couldn’t do that to myself or my family again. Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you!

Father God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish his trust in me was a little less! It’s a hard decision to choose to “let go” of the control (we don’t really have anyway, if its his will) of fertility & let God. It’s a very unselfish, un-current society way to live. It is a calling, a vocation to parent. Thank you for accepting God’s loving gift. Saying that you never regret any of your current or future children is something I’m totally stealing!

I ABSOLUTELY love your honesty – you are saying what soo many are feeling….you’re willing to share the struggles ALONG with the triumphs…Thank you for being relate-able! I am praying for your pregnancy, and family as they prepare to welcome the newest addition to your family 🙂

There are definitely a lot of things – heavy things- to weigh out. I think God always makes a way, especially since He is the One creating your precious babies. Good points, and I’m glad baby number 7 is alive and well inside you! Thank you for sharing with us at Workin’ It Mondays 🙂

Sarah… praise the Lord all is well with baby! Second, thank you for being transparent with your heart. We left our family size up to God many years ago. My prayer: May the Lord continue to lead you and your beloved as you trust Him in his perfect plan for your family. Thank you for sharing at WJIM. :o)

I sure appreciate your honesty. You have spoken from your situation with love and no condemnation. Thank you for this transparency. Just keep seeking the Lord and He will make your way plain! I completely relate to what you have written here. And, it has become even more clear to us recently (though it could change again) that my ministry is my family. And, if I am always physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained as well as dealing with post-partum depression – then am I really ministering well to the family I have now? not really. I know there are some who say “Trust God to give you the strength for what He commands you to do,” but I do not see a commandment to have babies till I literally fall over dead. AND the LORD does not want any of us to live in condemnation! There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ! So – if I am really seeking the Lord, He will lead me. And, He will love me whether I have a seventh child or not. Having babies is a good thing – but it will never change my standing before the Lord, that was purchased by Jesus Christ on the cross. My righteousness comes from him – not my actions.Does that make sense? I hope you don’t mind my rambling. I am still trying to convince myself of these truths… because there are still days when I cry thinking that I will not have another baby.

I may be inconsistent, but the Lord is always faithful!Bethany W. in mid-MO

Bethany, this was such fresh insight. There is no condemnation for those who have trusted Christ. So often, there are blogs and mothers out there that make other moms feel condemned if their family size is small.

Hey Sarah, as a new follower to your blog, I’m just now reading this. (I saw the pin on Pinterest!) Anyway, I echo much of what the other women have shared. Thank you for your honesty and transparancy. Your journey mirrors my family’s journey in many ways. Our first 2 children were girls and when we tried for #3, people assumed that we were trying for a boy (which it turned out to be). However, we just going for our magic, “predetermined” number of 3 children and told people how we were finished. (It’s amazing how much you don’t know when you think you control it all!)Well, long story short, we had a miscarriage after thant and that experience forever changed our perspective on children. Since then we’ve relinquished “control” we though we had and all the while, we seek the Lord. And truth be told, sometimes we waver over family size and giving things over to God. However, God has blessed us with another son (currently 14 months) and another son (currently in the womb–33 weeks). People thought for sure that we would be finished at 4 children, since we had 2 girls and 2 boys, but God said, nope! And we are eternally grateful. Still not too much talk yet about a 6th child between husband and I, and that is still a big question mark.We both agree that we want God’s will to be done; we both agree that each child is a blessing, even the one we lost; we both agree that having children is one of the greatest gifts ever. But even still, we are not perfect and sometimes doubt creeps in because of the unknown.We, too, are carving out this “large family living”. I have one brother and my husband has a sister and a brother–we both come from small families by comparison.It’s good to know that my husband and I aren’t the only ones who have faced struggles and uncertainties, but still try to embrace the joy of being parents of many. Be encouraged, my sister in Christ. Just know that God has us in His hands and we just have to walk out our lives before Him one day at a time.Take care!-Staice(sorry the comment was so long, but I can completely identify with you!)

I have 4 children. My first 3 were boys and the last one was a girl. Many people assume we stopped because “we finally got a girl” but honestly it never mattered to me what we had. I love my children. I think each women has to decide for herself. I thought I wanted to stop after 3, my husband has always talked about wanting 5. After our 3rd child I felt that if my husband felt we had enough then I would stop but there was honestly a small part of me that still wanted another. I had to wonder to myself if it was just the idea of having a baby or if I could really handle another. We ended up getting pregnant with our daughter last year. I was honestly scared. 4 seemed overwhelming to me but now she’s here and we adjust. I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t excited to be buying pink and glitter for a change. After my daughter though I just felt this calm, like it’s ok we’re done. My desire for more children has left. I think my husband starting realizing the financial strain of it too and he became accepting of having 4. I think each person is meant to bring so many into the world. When you have fulfilled that part of your life, you’ll know. I have a friend who had just one and knew right away that she only wanted one. I personally can’t imagine being ok with one but like I said, I think each person knows. The other thing is that we don’t receive any assistance of any kind. At this point in our lives we are able to support our family financially and still be able to do fun things and little trips every now and then. I want my children to have experiences, and adventures. I know that with more it would be very difficult for us. My oldest boys are involved in sports all year round. My husband works 2nd shift so I have to do all the running and game attending. This coming year my youngest will be able to start if he wants to. I just knew that physically I couldn’t handle anymore. I want to be able to support my kids and not rely on others to help me with my children. So there was many reasons I know we made the right decision for us.