The Depressing Reason Why Your Summer Romance Might Be Doomed

It all started out so adoringly. Your festival posse pulled you into a spontaneous meet cute between sets. Attraction crackled like dry branches on a bonfire. A common appreciation for Tame Impala quickly metamorphosed into a starry-night sharing of his small-batch bourbon stash and your lightweight sleeping bag. Or maybe it was that Hampton's white party where you traded bon mots at the swim-up bar before retreating to your lavish guest cottage. Oh the blissful liberation of summer romance!

Then along came…Venus? Yip. Well, Venus retrograde, that is. Every 18 months, the planet of amour hits a celestial speed bump, appearing to float backwards in her heavenly orbit. This summer just so happens to be one of those ill-fated times. From July 25 until September 6 la love planet is driving in reverse, f***ing with our love stories and making us rethink our romantic agendas. And to make it just a little more tempestuous, all August she's retreating through the thick, untamed jungle of dramatic Leo. Can you hear the ominous rumbles in the underbrush…or the straight up roars of dramatic disputes? Fasten your garter belts because in August, everything Venus governs could spiral into temporary chaos: our love affairs, our girl gang connections, and even our fashion sense. Just look at the jaw-dropping divorce announcements of late: celebrity supercouples Gwen and Gavin, preceded by the Garner-Afflecks. It's enough to shake our faith in Cupid.

But before we rile up Fear of a Retrograde Planet pandemonium, let us offer some hope. While there could be some rocky moments and straight up surprises this August, Venus retro doesn't necessarily portend a total apocalypse of the heart. Here are a few essential tips for surviving this cosmic cycle with heart—and hopefully the RIGHT relationship—intact.

1. Don't Force a Summer Fling to Be the Real Thing. But Don't Rule Out a Happily-Ever-After Either

While Venus is retrograde, it's hard to discern the forest from the trees — or the hookups from the future husbands and wives. In August, an epic Tinder date could shoot us to Fantasy Island, our thoughts replaying the sweltering skin-on-skin contact while we inch through the yogurt line at 16 Handles. Will there be a sequel or even a series deal? Just consider that an impossible question to answer this August. Keep on swiping right to keep obsessing over "Maybe The One" at bay. But don't close the door on the possibility of a scintillating Act Two…and then some. Stranger things have happened than people getting hitched to a person who started out as as one-night stand.

2. Check for Wedding Ring Tan Lines…or Just Ask The Obvious Questions

A lie by omission is still a lie. But with Venus' signals all jammed up, we could literally forget to pose the most obvious queries of all. Like, hello, are you, sir or ma'am, in a relationship? Don't assume that someone hitting on you — even subtly — confirms a single status. If you want to know the deal, come right out and ask.

3. Consider Rewriting the Rigid Rules of Relationships

With Venus retrograde, we might just find ourselves amenable to all sorts of arrangements, open relationships being among them. Retrogrades ask us to review, rethink, and reconsider. In fact, it was under a Venus retrograde spell that interracial marriage was declared legal last century. (Uh, yeah, there was once a law against it — bananas!) This August, a little bending of societal standards could set the libertine among us free from convention for good. That said, being a couple's "unicorn" third or the wife-approved GF of someone in a primary relationship (uh, not with you) comes along with it's own turbulence warning. So, too, does playing the polyamory game if you're hoping to spice up a flatlining relationship. It might be wise to wait until Venus corrects her course on September 6 to dabble in such advanced (or, some might argue outright insane) techniques. But The Ethical Slut could be an awesome and essential August beach read if you're the type who thinks outside the monogamy box.

3. Have a Lover's Quarrel

Look, no relationship is ever going to be perfect. And LTRs and marriages go through spells as dry as the Mojave desert. That's not actually the problem. It's when couples fail to discuss the parched earth between them that love evaporates. While we're not advocating any knock-down, drag-outs, sometimes a good old-fashioned lover's quarrel can replenish the emotional oasis. One caveat: with Venus doing backwards triple-pikes, timing is EVERYTHING. The theatrical vibes of Venus in Leo could prompt us to stage a public outcry against our mates — maybe even hoping family or friends will back us up, intervention style. Don't do it! No one likes to be humiliated or turned into the bad guy…and even less so when the ego-driven (or outright narcissistic) energy of Leo is in the mix. When a lover's misbehaving, pull 'em aside for a private chat. Or book an appointment with a couple's therapist or another practitioner who can help you actually HEAR one another and stake out some common ground.

4. Revisit the Good Old Days

Here's some happy news: Nostalgia reigns supreme during a retrograde! If you want to win the August love game, lure your lover down Memory Lane. Make a playlist of stirring songs from your shared past or a scrapbook of photos printed out from all your good times together. Take a trip to the place where you first slipped out of your Agent Provocateurs. The romantic revival will remind you of the good times you shared — especially the ones for which you've forgotten to be grateful. Oops!

5. Go Find (or Google Stalk) "The One That Got Away"

Hindsight isn't always 20/20 when Venus is in retrograde, but that won't stop us from dwelling on the past this August. Should you find yourself romanticizing "the one that got away," begin with a basic Google search before shooting off a "Missing you, babe…it's been too long" text. For one thing, you want to make sure your demigod isn't deeply entwined with someone else. The #homewrecker hashtag is not the badge of dishonor to end August with. And even if the person you placed on a pedestal is unattached, there's a possibility you've got an early peaker on your hands. (Hypothesis: The downward spiral of "the popular kids" from high school may simply be nature's principles of equilibrium at work.) But we predict there will be a few truly rewarding reunions while Venus is in reverse. Was it merely bad timing that broke you apart or short-circuited your Before Sunrise redux? Like a reunited Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, you might just wrap August in each other's arms — at last!

6. Renew Your Vows in 2016

Do you have a wedding planned between July 25 and September 6? Uhhhh…How cruel of Venus to go retrograde during the Marriage Industrial Complex's high season! No need to call off the florist and elope to Turks and Caicos (although if family drama is unquenchable, this might be a fine idea…). Just plan to renew your vows on your first anniversary as a cosmic insurance policy. We're happy to report that Venus will NOT be retrograde next summer.

7. Extend a Harpy Hall Pass

Venus is the only female planet in our solar system (celestial sexism alert!) and, like the moon, is associated with women in astrology. Her retrograde trail through dramatic Leo could bring some misbehaving members of our girl gangs. Did you plan brunch with a bestie only to be seated opposite a "woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown?" Worse yet, she turned that anger on YOU, leaving you in tears or as cold as the untouched food on your plate. Put that sister in the time out chair! But save the scathing, "How dare you!" email to your drafts folder and hang on to the olive branch. She may indeed be a candidate for the frenemy camp. But until Venus corrects course on September 6, it's too soon to tell if this was just a moment or a permanent character flaw. She may be qualified for a Harpy Hall Pass. Hey, even the nicest among us go superbetch every now and again.

8. Leave the Lace Gloves to (Leo) Madonna

Venus is the celestial stylista, and August could bring some AH-mazing retro flashbacks. In bold, flamboyant Leo, we won't be afraid to revive the days of Dee-Lite and her predecessor (Bitch I'm) Madonna. With Club Kid styles stomping down the fall runways, there's even more motivation to colorbomb our closets. But be warned: With Venus' eye wandering off in such a random direction, we could skew more costume party than Costume National. It would be easy to overload on the baby backpacks, sky-high Fleuvogs and ripped lace everything but maybe it's best to just collect the look slowly — one outré piece at a time.

The AstroTwinsDubbed "astrologists for the stars," identical twin sisters Tali and Ophira Edut—known as The AstroTwins—are professional astrologers whose sisterly style and spot-on predictions have made them popular gurus for astrological devotees of all stripes.

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