LONNY: That’s why I keep telling ya we need to bring back “Naked Jello Wrestling Thursdays!” But this time, check it, we let women enter.

DENNIS: Maybe it’s time to cash it in anyway–

DREW: Whoa, Dennis?! What are you saying?!

DENNIS: IT’S JUST– I’M SITTIN’ ON THIS BARSTOOL TALKIN’ LIKE A DAMN FOOL! GOT THE TWELVE O’CLOCK NEWS BLUES AND I’VE GIVEN UP HOPE FOR THE AFTERNOON SOAPS… AND A BOTTLE OF COLD BREW IS IT ANY WONDER I’M NOT CRAZY?

LONNY: So chew a couple Prozac! Come on, Dennis!

DENNIS: IS IT ANY WONDER I’M SANE AT ALL?

DREW: You do wash your hands a lot.

LONNY/ DENNIS/ DREW/ HERTZ/ MAYOR/ FRANZ/ REGINA IS IT ANY WONDER I’VE GOT TOO MUCH (CLAP) TIME ON MY HANDS

DENNIS: AND IT’S TICKIN’ AWAY…

LONNY: TICKIN’ AWAY FROM ME! So you sell, but what do I do?! “The Bourbon” is my life, man!

DENNIS: Hold the phone! You guys see who’s in today’s paper?!

DREW; Monster rockers, “Arsenal,” are breaking up. According to sources, lead singer, Stacee Jaxx, will leave the band after this tour to pursue a solo career–

DENNIS: Perfect right? Lonny who gave Stacee and Arsenal their start?

LONNY: We did so?

DENNIS: So? What if we hosted their last gig…ever.

LONNY: The last Arsenal show here?!

DENNIS: Tell that wouldn’t generate an adequate tax revenue. Plus, Stacee still owes me from that hotel incident with the Cool Whip and the baby llama.

LONNY: Love it.

DENNIS: I just hope it’s enough.

LONNY: It’s gotta be I mean the mayor isn’t a total money grubbing whore. Wink.

REGINA: Mayor, you’re not thinking clearly.

HERTZ: Mayor, take ze money unt…

HERTZ/ ENSEMBLE: RID THIS CITY!

REGINA: No!

MAYOR/ HERTZ/ FRANZ/ ENSEMBLE RID THIS CITY OF ROCK AND ROLL!

REGINA: NOT THIS CITY

MAYOR: Regina, you’re fired.

MAYOR/ HERTZ/ FRANZ/ ENSEMBLE: WE’LL RID THIS CITY OF ROCK AND ROLL!!

REGINA: You’re not gonna get away with this!

LONNY: I can’t believe you still have his number.

DENNIS: Stacee? It’s Denbo.

STACEE JAXX: Who?

DENNIS: Dennis, Dennis Dupree. Listen, how would you like to do your “Arsenal” farewell show here at “The Bourbon?”

STACEE JAXX: Yeah, well we already got something planned for our last tour gig in Portland. So ah…

DENNIS: I understand that. but just imagine for a second your last gig in a place that started it all. A lot of press on something like that.

STACEE JAXX: Yeah it sounds cool but ah…

DENNIS: And of course, we’d put your name ABOVE the band. Stacee Jaxx and Arsenal. One night only. Right before a solo album…Which, just between you and me, I’m so glad you’re doing. You know what I always used to say about you.

STACEE JAXX: What?

DENNIS: WELL, YOU’RE A JET FUEL GENIUS YOU CAN SOLVE THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS WITHOUT EVEN TRYIN’

STACEE JAXX: It’s true. I HAVE DOZENS OF FRIENDS AND THE FUN NEVER ENDS THAT IS, AS LONG AS I’M BUYIN’ IS IT ANY WONDER I’M NOT THE PRESIDENT?

DENNIS: I’d vote for you, Stacee.

STACEE JAXX: IS IT ANY WONDER I’M NULL AND VOID?

DENNIS: I don’t even know what that means.

STACEE/ DENNIS/ LONNY/ DREW/ FRANZ/ HERTZ/ ENSEMBLE: IS IT ANY WONDER I’VE GOT TOO MUCH (CLAP) TIME ON MY HANDS