Hi, my name is Don!

March 1, 2007March 1, 2007

Open ended

Anything open ended allows for a spontaneous actions to be taken. An open ended wrench allows you to quickly get the wrench over the nut. An open ended question allows you to get multiple correct answers. Things that are open ended doesn’t necessarily have any restrictions to them. But there are certain things that one would think should have limitations.

This is something that came up recently and I am a little puzzled by it. I’ve never heard of open ended relationships before. Apparently, this is the type of relationship where you see someone but you’re not limited to the number of people you see. Basically, it’s like dating more than one person at a time. The part that confuses me is the open ended part. What’s the point of having a relationship with someone if you’re going to have a relationship with someone else?

Isn’t the whole point of getting into a relationship to build upon your feelings? How are those feelings supposed to grow if the other person is with someone else? What is the point of starting up something when you’re just going to start something else with another person? To me, that sounds like a waste of time for both parties.

I can understand the relationship turning into something open ended if somewhere down the road, the couple decide to take a little break from each other. But how do you start up something like that? I grew up thinking that all relationships were closed ended, no matter what type of relationship it was. You’re either my friend or you’re not. You can’t be my friend some of the time and be my enemy the other times. That just doesn’t make any sense.

Once a couple decides to get into an open ended relationship, how do they know when to get back together? How does one even know if the other wants to get back together? If the other person is currently seeing someone else, perhaps their feelings for you has fade and their feelings for the other person grew stronger. Since there were no restrictions in the relationship in the first place, what’s to stop the other person from having a change of heart?

Something like this only leads to confusion. The only thing that it has lead me to do is ask questions after questions. These questions doesn’t seem to stop because once one question has been answer, another one arises. In the end, you’ll probably end up sitting around and playing “what if” all day long. Open ended relationships are gray areas where anything could happen. I’ve been told that there are people who get into open ended relationships. I don’t know how they do it. How do you build trust in an open ended relationship? Is trust not one of the most important things in a relationship? You’ll have to put trust on hold if knew that the other person was seeing someone else.

In this whole relationship thing, you can’t force someone to be with you. It’s either they’re interested or they’re not. If they’re really interested in you, they’ll focus on you and you alone. They might do some lame things in the attempt but that’s just their way of expressing their feelings.

When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, we briefly talked about the chance of getting back together. I never realized then that the discussion would put us into an open ended relationship. But the more I thought about it, the more I saw it as something wrong. I don’t think there’s any sense in trying to get back with someone who doesn’t want to be with you in the first place. Unrequited love is something that no one should go through. It’s hard on the other person and trust me, I know. I was a fool to be in that state but I can understand how someone can get that way.

Our emotions are hard to understand and it usually overrides our judgment. No matter what anyone tells you, you can’t be bothered to listen to them even if what they’re doing is trying to help you. In the end, the only thing that you’ll get out of it is emotional pain because the other person doesn’t feel the same way as you do. So, speaking from personal experience, it’s better to get into a closed ended relationship rather than an opened ended one.

2 thoughts on “Open ended”

Hey Don, How are you? i read this blog of yours and decided to write something about it. I am confuse about this open ended relationship too but always kept this inside me. Open ended relationship is a sickness, not everyone has it though it is our society’s new creation which is spreading fast. BF/ GF relationship is fading slowly slowly and now a new term is coming up which is called “Friend with Benifits”. or something like that. There is no dignity left in our society no more, only money has the power and people are bending more towards beautiful things. I think you get my point. if you have any question you can always ask me about my comment or answer. thanks
wajhat Awan.

I wouldn’t call it a sickness… we’re in a new world where the traditions of our parents doesn’t rule everything. People are trying new things out but some of the things, we don’t totally agree with because we’re use to things being done one way.

I’m sure the boyfriend/girlfriend thing still exists. I have friends who are dating and I know of one that have been dating since high school. I guess people are looking for specific partners with specific qualities in them. It’s just, nowadays, not a lot of people have time so they go through these open ended relations to find the perfect match. I’m no expert in it but what I’ve written is just my opinion on the matter.