Elders You Are Desperately Needed As Mentors

Elders You Are Desperately Needed As Mentors

As I rapidly approach the age of 65, the “senior citizen” years, I was confronted by an enlightening discovery. In his book Falling Upward, Richard Rohr provides an illuminating distinction between someone who is elderly and an individual who is known as and respected as an elder.[1]

Rohr’s describes elders, individuals in the latter stages of life, as people who, “try to influence events, work for change, quietly persuade, change your own attitude, pray or forgive instead of taking things to court … When elders speak they need very few words to make their point. If you talk too much or too loud, you are usually not an elder.”[2]

Even more to the point, Rohr distinguishes true elders as, “no longer have to prove that I or my group is the best, that my ethnicity is superior, that my religion is the only one that God loves, or that my role and place in society deserve superior treatment …. My desire and effort – every day – is to pay back, to give back to the world a bit of what I have received.”[3] …To find their true self, your substantial self, your absolute identity, which can be neither gained nor lost by any technique, group affiliation, morality, or formula whatsoever.”[4]

Titus echoes this as he describes elders as those who live wisely, who are just, and encourage others by teaching. Titus also believes an elder, “is a manager of God’s household, so he must live a devout and disciplined and blameless life” (Titus in 1:5-9).

I have embarked on taking an honest appraisal on how I measure up to these descriptions. Am I just someone who is elderly or am I an elder? Do I exemplify the characteristics and attributes of an elder as described by Titus and Rohr? Do I live a life where my true self is exemplified daily? Or am I just an elderly person with no real purpose or direction relying on, “your role, title and personal image, your false self, to define you?”[5]

I would prefer to be seen and to be known as an elder. As an individual who has discovered my true self. One who has learned that the earlier stages of life including both successes and failures, have been the necessary preparation for a fulfilled and purpose-driven second half of life.

Both Titus’ and Richard Rohr’s definition of elders both emphasize that elders, through their speech and actions influence, teach and pay back to their communities. Acting as role models, guides, and supporters to others.

Both exhort elders to be mentors, individuals who intentionally influence, “children, teens, and midlife adults … for such elders are the “grand” parents of the world.”[6]

Natasha Sistrunk Robinson in Mentor for Life concurs with Titus and Rohr. She suggests that everyone, “needs people of wisdom who can speak God’s truths, while equipping and encouraging them to live their lives on purpose for him.”[7] Robinson sees mentoring as a key responsibility. She also sees mentoring as extending beyond counselling or coaching. Her vision of mentoring includes guidance, support, and coaching but she believes it should not stop there. Intentional and purposeful mentors also provide constant personal attention to those whom she calls, “spiritual infants”, the lost, immature, and sick.[8]

Yet, not all elderly people are willing or able to take on this critical responsibility. Sadly, some divest themselves of this responsibility when they possess the attributes and characteristics necessary to be an elder.

Most tend to avoid this calling. To be fair some may not be aware that they have the capability, or they may have not heard the calling. These individuals need to be encouraged and equipped to fulfil this crucial role.

There are also some elderly people who frankly should not be given this responsibility, not because they are “bad people”, but their calling is elsewhere.

But roadblocks prevent this societal need being met. Reasons include the lack of confidence by the elderly believing that they have anything of substance or the right character to influence or lead, especially younger individuals. And perhaps an even greater roadblock is how younger individuals often discount and disqualify elders as they view them as being out of touch with the current reality of society and don’t get “them”.

There is a desperate need for elders to be mentors because, “mature societies were meant to be led by elders, seniors, saints, and “the initiated”. They alone are in a position to be true leaders in a society, or certainly in any spiritual organization. Without them, “the blind lead the blind.”[9]

I am a passionate student of leadership who loves to lead and loves leadership. Leadership is about the heart, it is about caring and it is about love. After reflecting upon many personal leadership trials, I have come to realize that when you listen to and put the needs of the people you lead before your own needs, leadership is at its most effective. My leadership heart beats for being an empathetic, caring and supportive leader.

Thank you Nancy for commenting. I have had the good fortune of being a mentor and being a mentee. Each is rewarding. What is a real concern of mine is that there are many elderly who are not contributing to nurturing and supporting others, especially our younger people who most need the wisdom of an elder. Both the elderly and the younger will benefit from a mentoring relationship. I will be writing more on this in future posts. All the best for a healthy 2019!

This is a great reminder that we are called to step up and invest in the lives of those who follow us. The amazing thing is that the qualifications for mentoring are a loving heart and a willingness to invest some time and energy in another person. And the beautiful thing is that the mentoring relationship enriches both people as they learn from and support and encourage one another.

Totally agree with your comments Anne. A positive mentoring relationship is a two-way, mutual sharing, supporting and learning opportunity. Both the mentor and mentee gain through honest and open communication. The time invested is certainly worth the effort put in. We need to step out to encourage elders to mentor. Our young people need the wisdom that can be shared and the elders can be enlightened by our younger people’s enthusiasm. And a significant byproduct for the elders is that it will give them a sense of purpose in the latter stages of their lives. Thanks for commenting.

Thanks for commenting Julie. I agree that the older, or can I say more seasoned people, have a lot to offer. Yet, I think one of the misconceptions or challenges for the seasoned is that they don’t seem that they can learn from the younger folks as well. I have benefitted immensely and learned so much from my engagement and mentorship with younger men. Their wisdom and experiences need to be shared is also needed. I have appreciated learning from them. Appreciate you taking the time to share.

I agree with you, there is a great need for mentors today. I am almost 54 and it is a pleasure to use what God has taught me to help young moms love their husbands and children; encouraging them to grow closer to God, and do family life better. I love mentoring! I love investing in the younger generation, new believers, and new leaders. It is such a privilege to do so. It is so gratifying to see others benefit from the wisdom God has given us. 😉 Great post! Very needed!

I loved this. I hope I can be an elder one day, and you are right that age has little to do with whether or not we are an elder (e.g. mentor, leader, guide). There is a big difference between “elder” and “elderly.” Great blog!

Thank you Jessica. What encourages me is that although some younger individuals discount the older generation, there seems to be a growing number seeking out mentors. That is why it is so necessary for elders to put their hands up and engage in this critical sanctifying relationship. I am glad that the blog resonated with you.

One of the most difficult things to do is to pause and listen, at least it is for me! Yet, listening to the narratives of others is such a key component of mentoring. Jumping in and commenting too quickly has the potential of setting up one-way communication which in my opinion defeats the purpose of mutual relationship building which is such a crucial component of mentoring. I also pray that I can be a better listener. Thanks so much for responding Melissa.

Thank you Yvonne. Generations working and serving together is so important. I saw that in action with a cross-generational mentorship group my wife Anne led such a group for 5 years. The fruits of the time this group has resulted in the members of the group now leading their own groups. They still keep in touch and get together, although more informally. Appreciate your response.

This is a great reminder to self-examined myself as each year passes. I want to age gracefully and be a blessing. May my words be fewer but more profound. May I be slow to speak but spend more time listening. May I take the time to look into the heart and not just listen to the words spoken. May my time in the prayer closet be longer and my words of advice to others be fewer.

This is a great prayer for all and for mentors in particular. What a thoughtful way of expressing how we need to listen better and to listen to the heart of others and self. Thank you so much for contributing.

Hi Claudio. I like the idea of elderly mentors leading the next generation, and of them being examples for elders in the church (position of elder). There are some who hold the position of elder who do not live with the spiritual characteristics of elders. I also like the idea of generations spending intentional time together so that the younger can learn from the elder. I fear this is a missing essential ingredient to the spiritual growth of generations. Thank you for this all important post.

Stephen, I concur that it is a missing ingredient that is needed. Part of the issue I believe is that elders (those who do have the characteristics) don’t believe that they have the capability to mentor so they choose not to invest. This results in the younger generation not having people to approach. Also it does take a significant investment of time to develop a strong mentor relationship and some unfortunately don’t wish to do so. Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.

YES!!! I know soooo many young women that wish so very much they had someone to mentor them, but so many older people I know seem very reluctant. We probably need church leaders to coordinate and encourage this or help potential elders feel enabled?

And I love your question “Am I just someone who is elderly or am I an elder?”

Some seem to think one equals the other – but I’ve met people wise beyond their years and also those beyond immature for their years.

I think like many things – it’s about having a willing heart. I think God will equip those who are willing to be used by Him.

Thanks for this!! So much better coming from someone older.

I’m in the inbetween age… I have a somewhat reluctant mentor and mentor others younger. Or did before we moved.

Being elderly and really trying to be an elder for me is a blessing. God has equipped me with a heart to serve and although it took me a while to choose to mentor younger men it has been so rewarding. If people are fortunate enough to have church leaders coordinate mentor programs that is great however, the relationships that I have been involved in were organic in nature and not through a formal program. Sometimes forcing mentor relationships don’t work as well. Great to hear that you have stepped up and mentoring. Thank you for contributing to the Kingdom.

I wholeheartedly agree, Claudio! The Church in particular and the World in general need elders, mentors to guide the younger generation. As I look at the end of my life as a “young man” and toward my upcoming transition to “older man” I am looking for ways to give back. I believe in the value of discipleship. So I actively seek mentors in business and in faith. I would love to find someone who wants me as a mentor too, but it seems backwards for me to ask to mentor someone.
How do you recommend someone jump into being an elder or a leader in that capacity? How do we position ourselves for that role in our lives?

I am so glad Chip that you are being intentional about being mentored and that you wish to step into a mentor role. Some churches offer mentorship/discipleship programs and it yours does you could connect that way. If your church does not talk with the youth, young adult or other pastor at your church to see if they have anyone or can think of anyone who wants and/or needs a mentor. If you are part of community group there may be someone in your group or an son of someone in your group who may benefit from a mentor. Check with any youth organization or community club to see if there is a need for mentors. These are a couple of suggestions. The way I got involved was through observing the impact my wife Anne was having on the group of younger women she was mentoring. Although I had mentored people at work I had not ventured out to do so outside of work. I then decided to approach a couple of my sons’ friends. We informally met initially and talked about meeting more formally. We then talked about asking others to form a mentor group which eventually evolved into a group that met for a little over two years. I don’t meet with them anymore but keep in touch. The time spent with this group was so rewarding. I am working through a great book right now called Mentor For Life by Natasha Sistrunk Robinson and I would recommend it for you. Thanks so much for commenting.

I pray as well that there is a lot of momentum and growth for cross-generational mentorships. It is needed and with God’s grace and favour that these important relationships begin to flourish all over. Titus’ description of elders is completely inline with what characteristics mentors need. Thanks for your comments.

This is a great message! I remember one of the big takeaways from my senior year of college (my major was Leadership and Management Studies) was the importance of solid mentorship for a young professional. It’s no different outside of professional life either. Young people need to partner with those who have the wisdom that only experience provides.

I agree with you Chloe that mentorship in one’s work life and outside of work are both critically important. The one thing that differs from mentoring or being mentored outside of work can also include one’s spiritual growth which at times is not encouraged at all work places. I have benefitted from both as a mentor and a mentee. Thanks for contributing!