Sir Patrick Stewart set the Internet on fire yesterday when he tweeted the above picture and declared that he was eating his “very first pizza ‘slice.'” I mean, how could that have been possible? I tend to assume that everyone with a British accent is extremely classy and distinguished and only eats at fine dining establishments where the waiters wear tuxedos and have pencil-thin mustaches, and even I found the whole thing preposterous. Everyone eats pizza. Hell, you can eat pizza by accident. (“Oopsies, I slipped and fell and ate some pizza. Again.”) No, there had to be an explanation. My entire worldview depended on it.

And, luckily, there was. Kind of. But it’s somehow even more confusing than the idea of a 72-year-old man who never ate pizza. It turns out that the confusion all hinged on the word “slice,” as Stewart explained to Vulture earlier today.

So, I get that you’ve had pizza before, just not a slice of pizza …

That’s correct. People misunderstood. There was a school of thought that I had eaten my first pizza, but of course how could that possibly be true? I would have had to have stayed locked up in a cellar. But nevertheless, this was my first slice of pizza, which I was only eating because my fiancée and I were a little hung-over yesterday morning and she said what we need is pizza and a soothing drink — and she was right. It solved the problem. But, in fact, it was my first slice, and when it was brought over to me, my first comment was “There’s no knife and fork.” Of course, I was mocked for thinking that I could eat a pizza slice with a knife and fork.

Wait. What? He’s had pizza, but not in slice form, that he’s always eaten with a knife and fork? Does Patrick Stewart think lasanga is pizza? I must know more.

So, in all those years, you never, you know, walked by a pizza place, you’re hungry, you decide to go in and try a slice? How come that never happened?

I know, it’s hard to understand, isn’t it? But, you know, I would go in there and order a pizza and eat a whole pizza. It was the concept of the slice that I had never encountered before.

So here’s what I think is going on here. I think Patrick Stewart means this is the first time he’s ever ordered, like, a single slice of pizza instead of a whole pie. He’s probably trying to explain that he typically orders one large round pizza (or many large round pizzas, if he has company over) and then everyone shares and they eat the entire thing using knives and forks because he’s a knight of the British Empire and he can presumably eat pizza how he pleases. Fine. I can see that.

But if you think I don’t have a vivid, crystal clear image in my head right now of Sir Patrick Stewart waltzing into Sal’s Pizza and Grinders or whatever, ordering a large, uncut pizza, and devouring the whole thing by himself using a plastic fork and knife as all the other customers look on in amazement, then brother, you are misssssstaken.

You know, I really thought, would’ve sworn, that he came out a few years ago. But then he married a woman earlier this year (or last year?), and I could never find any evidence of that supposed coming-out, so I must have just imagined it. The same thing happened with Jon Lovitz. I must’ve been going through some kind of weird phase of hyper-realistic, mundane dreams about browsing the internet for gay celebrities.

If you don’t live in an urban area there aren’t pizzerias on every corner.

Most places you have to drive somewhere to get pizza or have it driven to you, so you’re not just going to get “a slice”….you’re going to get a pizza because it’s a sit-down restaurant place, or a fast foot place and you’re going for a meal not a random snack (and a lot of pizzeria’s don’t even SELL by the slice….the three pizza places in my town as kid where you went to hang out after school didn’t….you and your friends got a small or medium pizza).

I mean, it’s weird he’s never been to a Sbarro’s (or whatever) in a food court but it’s not THAT weird.

NO you’re not the only one. There is a marked difference between NYC ‘slice’ pizza, hence the quotation. And the fact that in most the rest of the world pizza is generally served Neapolitan style, where each person has their own pizza that is, GASP!, eaten with a knife and fork.

My English wife was 29 before she had a ‘slice’ of NYC style pizza, hailing from England and living in Europe and Asia all her life up to that point.

The first time I was in America, and saw them selling pizza by the slice, I was confused as hell. It just seemed like a way to overcharge you for the whole thing. So yeah, this makes sense; you order pizza in an Italian restaurant, it arrives on a plate with a knife and fork. You can cut it up how you like, but you’re expected to eat like a gentleman.

In Italy and especially Napoli where the style of pizza found in NY was originated, all pizza is eaten with a fork and knife. Im assuming he meant he never walked into one of those slice pizzerias in NYC or wherever and got a single slice handed to him on a paper plate with no utensils.

All of Europe really. Pizza by the slice, even here in Berlin, is fairly recent and fairly sparse. Most of the places are single serving, Neapolitan style. And you either tear it apart with your hands like a barbarian, or use a knife and fork.