Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "PiÃ±ata! PiÃ±ata!" What the hell is a piÃ±ata, anyway?

King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...Shrek: Ogres! Yes!Queen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?King: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young.Princess Fiona: Dad!Shrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in the tower.Princess Fiona: Shrek, please!King: I only did that because I love her!Shrek: Oh, yeah! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!

Donkey: Wat about my Miranda rights?You're supposed to say "You have the right to remain silent!". Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity.