Sanctuary for the Abused

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

Obsessive Ex Syndrome

During a normal break-up, an ex-partner may ask for several more discussions or meetings, to try to regain their loved one. A balanced person will eventually realize that the love relationship is indeed over.

An obsessive ex does not see a break-up the same way.

1. The Obsessive Ex may not even believe a break-up is in progress.The Obsessor may think this is simply a more serious argument than usual, and decide they're supposed to keep contacting the partner until the argument is over and the partner takes them back. Even when at the point of stalking, Obsessors often still view themselves as a current partner who is simply waiting for an argument to be over.

2. The Obsessive Ex viewed their partner primarily as an object to support their own self-image, not as a human being.The Obsessor's approach to the relationship has been what they themselves get out of it -- whether THEY are satisfied with the relationship. If the partner wants to leave, this is inconvenient for the Obsessor! They want the partner around to dominate, to make the Obsessor feel powerful. They didn't particularly care whether the partner was happy with them; they only cared that they preferred to have the partner around.

3. The Obsessor has an irrational "Sense of Entitlement".This is the personality type that would park in a handicap spot when they're not handicapped because they believe their temporary convenience is "more important" than the needs of some other person (handicapped). They sincerely believe that their needs are more important than their partner's... more important than their childrens'... more important than anyone else's.

Once the leaving partner decides to value personal individual needs first, the Obsessor is infuriated. The partner's act of "rebellion" does not fit into their world view -- that of the Obsessor as the center.

4. The Obsessor wants to punish their ex-partner.Obsessors can't let a connection end completely, because they may believe themselves to have been so wronged that they "need" to punish or seek revenge against the leaving partner. Even in cases where an Obsessor was wronged in some way, their desire for revenge and how long they cling to these emotions (to the detriment of their own life and others lives), is completely out of proportion to what injustices may have occurred.

(This does not apply to relationships where one partner was used & abused and desires closure or justice - but to those who seek REVENGE out of proportion with what occurred.)

46 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I was once married to an abusive man who in himself is the "Obsessive Ex Husband"..who for the past 11 years..cannot let things go..even now that our children are adults..he keeps taking me back into court for non existant things..where the judge will now deny all his claims..but he still continues to take me back to court regardless of what the judge rules..He has no respect for the law, the courts..he cannot take the word "No"..For the record, I have nothing to do with him, I stay away from him with no contact..I am abuse free!

I left my husband four years ago. From the moment I told my ex I wanted a divorce he made my life hell.He could not take NO for an answer. He told our children that their mummy was "going to ruin all our lives" and he did everything he could to break me into returning using our twin boys as the bait. He trashed all attempts at sorting out a routine of visitation for the children. He spread rumours about me being a selfish and uncaring mother with a mental problem. He swings from being very pleasant and cooperative to being intimidating and very rude. He says how sorry he is (often sobbing) and how he wants me back.... and the next makes abusive phone calls to my new partner using obscene language. During our marriage he behaved in a bi-polar way. He would be loving and kind one day telling me how lucky he was to have me and turn into a drunken bully the next, mocking me on the telephone as I waited with supper at home pretending he was on the train when he was in the pub. I didn't know what to do and as we had young children, stayed thinking this was my bed and I had to lie in it. I was so unhappy and thought of killing myself. I began to feel like I was in slavery and could never be free. But I have now moved on and he has not. The court have now stamped our settlement and today I am moving back to our former home to be with my boys once again. I know he will be in tears, sobbing and sorry. It is too late. I have no feelings left for him as he has destroyed part of me and the part that is left is determined to enjoy life and rebuild my relationship with my children that he has undermined for four years. Don't ever put up with this kind of obsessive, bullying controlling man. Be strong, plan your escape and get away quick.

I divorced my ex back in 1999, but he still stalks me and my husband to this day. He and his friends follow every move I make and are trying to use other tactics (ie: witchcraft) to try to break up my marriage, and has been trying for almost 5 years. He knows I would never take him back in a million years but he still thinks he could blackmail me into taking him back. Nothing he has tried will work and it never will but I'm so tired of his following and stalking.

plz can someone help/advise me i dont know what tp do anymore.i only met this man in may within a couple of weeks it was apparent he was aggressive and violent, over nothin.i moved to a fdifferent area 3 weeks ago and this was fuel to a fire. he has smashed my friends cars up and threatend to get "angry" in a note to my sister demanding she tell where i live..she has 2 small children , he told her to tell rhen the big bad wolf comin..(my sister lives very near this man and has now decided to move away, today i was so scared he would start again as he got his dole money today and would be drunk, i texed him asking him to talk directly to me i cant bare the thought of him tormenting threaterning my family again, well the texes have been flooding in telling me that his gonna do a "car job " on me on his kids life...i live alone albeit its a secure place with cct but wat if he does somehow find me im so scared do i go to the police , i have the note he posted to my sister and the texes his written me..or shall i wait it out..i dont respond to the texes unless he mentions my family, i feel i get his attention rather then them,im i doin the rite thing here, im so despressed by this the last few monthes have been a living hell

My ex husband removed my things from our home in 1999, while I was away helping my elderly mother after my father's death. I had been away for 4 weeks for the funeral as well as running my mother to appointments with lawyers, etc. I had no idea he was planning my exit from our home. He had removed all of our joint monies from the accounts we shared, informed people of our separation (both business associates and personal acquaintances). All but ME! I came home to bare walls, and no toiletries or clothing! He proceeded to stalk me in the trailer park I was forced to live in. He would show up without calling, and force people to leave my home, else he would "remove HIS children from the den of inequity" I was living in... I moved in with my fiancée, and had a protector. That is when he started in with taking me to court for full custody of our two children. This has gone on for over 8 years. I ended up with full custody due to his physical abuse of our daughter. However, he now has custody of her. He has convinced her to lie about abuse from my fiancée. My son, now 17 has decided to live with me. I get an average of 5 emails a day from him, berating me for things I have done to wrong him, but he does it under the pretense of applying boundaries for me in our supposed relationship. He begs me to get counseling (which I have been in!) but is only setting up a case against me in these emails. He says he is creating a paper trail for when he takes me to court for contempt... I can not sleep, my hair is falling out. I dread checking my email, knowing there will be something from him! He has been married for over two years, and still will not give up controlling my life!

If anyone has any helpful advise to lend, I would greatly appreciate it. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 3 months ago. He manipulated me for so long, lying about money,drugs, and his where abouts. The past year its been a vicious cycle of break ups and make ups. He makes my life a living hell when we break up, so sometimes I think its easier to stay with him and be unhappy than be happy but misrible at the same time broken up. I don't know if that makes any sense. Since our break up he makes random trips to my house banging on the windows and doors hollering and calling me names, he calls me around 15 times a day and sends ab 20 text messages, I do not reply or answer once so ever. He follows me around my hometown, some how ALWAYS finding me and making me uncomfortable. He leaves me messages that he is suicidal and its my fault if he kills himself. I recently found hard evidence linking him to drugs, and with the suicidal ideations and drugs mixed I am really scared for my saftey. Please if anyone as any useful advice please help me. I find my self in a complicated predicament. I am 21 years old and I have no experience with this. He's not violent, but he has lashed out and hit me before in the past. Will this ever get better??

And my story continues... I am the one who was kicked out of my home while I was away for my father's funeral... My daughter has recently admitted herself into a mental facility, to protect herself from her father. After just three days of medication, and a swift diagnosois of Bipolar II, she has a clarity I have not seen in a very long time. She has opened her eyes, ans is able to recognize that she was led by her father to do and say things to hurt me tremendously over this last year. She was so blind and deaf to his tactics, that she ignored things he said and did. But she now remembers what he was doing. He has been setting me up to obtain full custody. He has his wife's inheritance to pay for his lawyer. And a dumb, blind cow to just keep writing the checks... She is so fortunate that she can not have children with him. She can not lose any to him. My ex is NOW attempting to send moy daughter to Nevada, to a long term mental facility, against Doctor reccomendations (we live in WA state). This is after he had a complete fit when he found out she was going in the ER... He was so offended, because he insisted I DID THIS TO HIM!!!! I did it, he said, in order to get out of paying him child support!!!

I am currently in the second month of my break with my verbally abusive boyfriend of 1 & 1/2 years. It seemed like we might be able to keep in contact occasionally with eathother on a friendly note but I have come to realise that he is not capable of anything friendly, at least not with me.After many public humiliations he finalized our relationship by having me arrested for domestic abuse, all the charges were dropped after the courts recognized the reality of my relationship with this man.I fooled myself thinking I could call him, to see how things were going for both of us, just kind of hard to let go even when you know it is the best thing to do. Today he emailed me to call him so I did and before two minutes he started in about a phone bill that he was left with and how wrong I am for sticking him with a phone bill. We hung up and I emailed him that I will no longer have any contact with him and wished him well in his future and he emailed me back that he is taking me to court for the phone bill, he added some choice words and suggested I go do what I do best...'get drunk' I need some validation, NO CONTACT is the right thing to do here right or do I call him back?

RE:If anyone has any helpful advise to lend, I would greatly appreciate it. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 3 months ago. He manipulated me for so long, lying about money,drugs, and his where abouts.

Yes you can, save any correspondence you have had with him. I.E.Notes, texts, voicemails, you can record him but if you do you have to tell him before hand that your recording and that could inflame the situation. I would also suggest that you find a way not to be alone, get an understanding roommate. But Seek legal action. Retain a lawyer and get a cease and desist order. Basically that tells him legally in writing that he cannot contact you. If he contacts you after that you can get an injunction and possibly have him arrested. I know this information because my brother in law is going through the type of thing. God Bless and I pray that you stay safe

It has been 5 years since my e broke up with me, he got together with another girl. I moved on and got together with my current boyfriend.He went crazy and came after him on the street yelling at him, telling him to stay away from his girl.When i have met him around town he follows me around. But the thing is that he tells people that i am obsessed with him, and spreads a lot of rumours about me. It is as if he is trying to spread to many rumours about me so that he can scare out of town. THis is not much of a big city. And things that he says to others come back to me. I remember he used to brag over doing this to a friend of his, scared him out of town,with so many rumours the guy had to move out eventually.

come on ladies, u know ur all stronger than this. do not take any shit. do not give them the time of day. do not answer phone unplug it, block his numbers, change all ur passwords and email addresses. if they park outside its harrassment, if they do it again its harrassment. do not let them intimidate u. cut all ties. do not give them any reason to feel they have control over u, if they take u to court for some stupid thing then let them, do not worry about it. between court appearances go on hols. if u r on poverty line then its better than living with a nutter. these men are the rejects, put urselves bloody first (or kids. these men are rejects for a reason do not even pity them cus they will die alone and in their own piss! if they want to drag it out then let them but in the meantime get on with ur lives if it pisses them off then thats their issue. SHED UR SKIN!!!! and keep police number by all phones. if he threatens u then call them immediately. do not get into an argument. if u change overnight he wont know what the hell to do. if he has abused u emotionally, verbally or physically then get out immediately. the karma train will run him down in the end. woo woo.

I left my ex 7 years ago. At the time my son was 7 years old and very sweet and loving. My ex has had me in court for 7 years straight. He has worked feverishly to turn my son against me, to no avail. However, he has been used as a pawn to hurt me at every turn, even at the expense of his health, life and mental status. I have been stalked, followed, tracker by GPS, have had my life and the lives of my son and husband threatened. I was told I will never see my son again. I had had three restraining orders, but when he is a good boy for a little while, they are removed. I have police reports, a case open with the city attorney for harassment, a case with the violent crimes unit etc....NO ONE CARES TO HELP ME GET THIS MAN OFF MY BACK. My son has given up on life, he is depressed, withdrawn, doing drugs, smoking pot and cigarettes (which his father thinks is funny) and dabbling in sex. He has decided he wants to be nothing in life and he is completely and utterly failing school. He needs an anti depressant and has ADHD as well. His father refuses to let me get him treatment or for him to take medication. I have been to the courts, CPS, therapists, mediators etc....it doesn't matter. I am blocked at every attempt to help my son. I am now irritable, depressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, and just physically feel like dying. I don't know ho to escape this person, who after all of what he has done to me and my son, recently told my son the only reason he is alive is because of me because if I weren't around he would beat him to death. Then he approached him with a big stick and my little 13 year old got in his father's face and dared him. I was sick for days. I reported it to the school and to CPS. Nothing was done. My son is like a battered wife and won't tell anyone but me, but I am the "ex wife" so it's just a case of we don't get along (apparently in other's eyes) My ex wrote me to tell me I am a sicko for reporting it and then he said the reason I have not left HIM alone for 7 years is because I still have the hots for him. This is how mentally ill this man is. In the dictionary next to narciscist is HIS PICTURE

I have known this man since I was 13 years old, he was 14 at the time and everything was good at that age, we were young so no worries.

He started showing signs of this at 15 where if I tried to leave him he would threaten to kill me, my family, friends and eventually himself.

He vanished for two years due to me pretending to be cheating on him with one of my closest friends. He came back and I didn't remember who he was until it was too late and I got involved with him yet again.

It went well for awhile and he started his same things as he did at 15 years old. This time as well I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to get rid of him so I stayed with him in fear.

I recently met someone and fell in love with this new man. I had already told my ex multiple times we were over and he said it was all a game it wasn't true and I needed to come back to where I belong, with him.

I told him no and to leave me alone. Blocked him everywhere including on my cell phone. I had been out to eat with my boyfriend and mother when he decided to call me over 143 times, literally. He also left a total of 59 text messages with such things as "You've chosen your death." or "You've earned my hatred." It was all blocked due to an app I had downloaded on my phone where it blocks whoever you blacklist from texting and calling along with anonymous numbers (He's famous for using random numbers).

Since I couldn't quite block voicemails I got those and my boyfriend would take the phone and delete them all cause I'd start crying.

His most recent was earlier this morning "You chose death, Du hast mein hasse (You have my hate or in a smarter way to say it "You have earned my hate)"

I had moved from him a while ago but he's been saving to come get me, he was talking about kidnapping me and chaining me in his basement to be his "toy" and to be his and his alone.

I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? I can't tell all this to my boyfriend, he's already upset that I cry on a constant basis, I want this to stop.

in december of 2010 my husband of three months (we had been together two years but married) tolled me he was not happy and leaving, he had been very controlling through out our relationship an verbally abusive he made me feel like I coudnt ever leave cuz he needed me so an he kill anyone I ever get with I lost touch with friends they wld tell me about his cgeating an druguse an he wasnt treating me right so he tell me it was just cuz they were jelouse or lieing to break us up I had a son from a diffrent relationship an he had a daughter then we had a son together when I was three months pregnant I found out the truth he was using an he had another girl an while living with me he had her believing he was single an living with her after our son was born he cleaned up for while so we got married thats when it got really bad.he met a girl at work got her to leave her boyfriend then left me after a week was when the texting started I love u ur my wife u cant leave me then if I didnt answer ur a dumb bitch im gonna get custody of our son bla bla in a day I wld recive over a hundred calls text messages emails ect if I blocked him ignored. him he come over all hours using our son as an excuse I got a restraining order but it didnt stop him he just harassed family to get to me at the time I didnt know it was dv and I was so confused on what was hapoening HE left HE had a new girlfriend no one understood so I dropped the restraining order for our son it was christmas time ...when I got a job n a diffrent town I filed for divorce an when he got served he kept telling me I cant believe this I cant believe u did this! so I started planning on moving I tried three other times to get another restraining order but th hey serve him with a court date an he comoletly make me feel like a liar an a fool the cops did nothing when I called them mind u two boys were n the middle of this all along he doi.g the same to the girlfruend get me to let him n he harass her I make him leave he harass me it was easier to give n so I cld keep my job an place all along untill aug of 2011 he finally stopped after blocked h an anyone who talked to him we are fighting n court right now for custody I jept copies of alot of things but he still insist im the bad guy I kept his son away im a evil heartless bitch an dyring all this he had another baby an a girlfriend my oldiest is scared he will come back an start again even in writing this I still feel like no one will believe me I know though now dv isnt just physical abuse and its not ok I took the control back but I still fear everyday and im afraid for my boys at some point my youngiest will be with his father an ill be forced to talk to him...everyone said just make him stop ignore him call the cops any of those things never helped it made it worse but I read these stories an realize im not alone an weather it was I cut him off completly the new baby or he finally just stoped I hope he never tries to again and ill do my best to not give him the power to...god bless u all ur all in my prayers!

the worse is to let him make.u.bb push everyone else away thats what they want..tell ur boyfriend tell someone write it down an COMPLETLY cut him off ..text calls emails when he no longer has control he cant hurt u any longer

I'm a 23 year old, happily married female and I am a victim of OES. When I was only 12 years old I met, what I thought, the love of my life. People told me about him, informing me that he's crazy but I didn't think that it would be to the point where my life would soon be endangered. He used to get in to fights, pretty tough, macho, typical bad boy... Loved it! He was so sweet, kind; I just seemed to be the center of his universe. We were the ideal couple, though I was a major hottie and he wasn't that much of a looker. When we finally reached high school things between us started to spiral, he wasn't the person I fell in love with anymore. I caught him cheating on me with a girl I lived down the road from and it devastated me, I let him go and ended for good... So I thought. He couldn't accept it, he thought I was just supposed to forgive him and move on with our "Happy Lives" but completely did the unexpected when I told him no. He was straight up in denial about our break up, but I was very sure of it. I ended up dating again with a guy that just moved to our school and tried to move on with my life, but things got really crazy. He started showing up to the high school, after he dropped out, waiting for me. He would offer to take me home, but I didn't feel very safe doing that. He would call me all hours of the night, begging me to take him back. I didn't think anything of it because I just thought he was having a hard time letting go and figured he would eventually get the picture that it wasn't going to happen. Nope!

One day he called me talking NONSENSE, I didn't know WHAT was going on! He was talking about Kings and Queens and something about me being a reincarnated Dragon Princess of Egypt and he was the Emperor so says the tales of a lost book that he found. Since we were those reincarnated characters we were destin to be together. He just rambled on for hours that I didn't even catch a lot of what he said because I would just put the phone down and let him talk. It was crazy because I would walk over there and pick it up to see if he was still talking, which he was. That night, while on the phone with my new boyfriend, a friend of mine beeped in on the other line and told me something I didn't expect. Her Uncle was the Sherriff in our little town and she informed me that he had set his house on fire. Yes, and he was laughing manically and running around it as well... He said it reminded him of painful memories of me, so he had to destroy it. The judge sentenced him to a mental facility for a year, that didn't even stop him. His mother would constantly call me and ask me if I was going to go visit him. Then she invited me over for dinner when he got out! I guess she felt I was her only chance at grandchildren, so she did anything she could to get us back together. Yeah that whole family is nuts, which I later found out. I told my mom what was going on; but she didn't really have a lot to do with my life, she just worked all the time, got drunk and flirted with guys at work. She just got a restraining order for me and let it go a year later because she said she couldn't afford to pay for it even though she exceeded more than 40 hours a week.

She worked third shift, so I was left alone at the house. It started getting worse when he started waiting for my mom to leave then break in to the house. He would corner me and demanded that I listen to what he had to say. I would be sleeping, dreaming that I was being whispered gently by my new boyfriend, but when I would wake... He was laying next to me! He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and I just didn't want to piss him off by running for a phone and calling 911. I lived out in the country, about a good 30 minutes from town, so it wasn't like if I were to call them a policeman would just show up instantly. I hated the policeman in my town, I swear to God they were drawing straws and flipping a coin to decide who would respond to ANY type of emergency out there where I was at! My neighbor got shot and I called the dispatcher and they transferred me 4 times! I didn't know they could do that! Then when I finally spoke to someone, it took them 4 hours to respond!

Yeah, I didn't want to piss him off and risk getting my throat slit. He was perfectly capable of it because he brother did the same thing. He flipped his lid and shot his wife and unborn baby... I didn't want to be next. I tried to keep him calm, convince him to move on, and tried to get him to leave. I would wake up for school and he would be sleeping on my couch! I would go to a friend’s house, he would watch their house! He knew where my boyfriend and I would go on our dates, he came to my graduation, stopped by my friends house for a "visit" while I was there because his friend so happened to be friends with my best friend at the time. Everyone at her house knew what he was capable of and they were just as freaked out. I would come home and he would be there around the corner... Waiting for me.

It got completely out of control! My friends thought it was hilarious, but I was afraid. I never felt so alone in my life! After I was dumped by my ex, I met up with an ex best friend of his. I knew he had the biggest crush on me since he moved to our little town, so I gave him a chance. I felt like I was finally happy! But I had a problem... My psycho ex! He would leave voicemails on my answering machine at home, on my cellphone. I was at a very bad stage of my life where I was experimenting with pot, so he tried to use that against me. He smoked it too and he knew where to get it, he would tell me that he would have a bag and he would give it to me freely if I just let him see me. I was going to go on a date with my new boyfriend and my mom was getting ready, I had him on speaker phone and let him show his ass in front of them. He was enraged when he knew I was dating his old friend, he called me a slut and him a traitor and threaten to harm us! He yelled and screamed at us and I heard this come out of his mouth, "Motherf*cker! That is MY WIFE! I will kill you!" My new boyfriend looked at me in disbelief and told him to go f*ck himself. He's a big guy; 6'2" 300 lbs of muscle while my ex was 5'9" and 200 lbs of fat, so he wasn't threatened by him at all. He used to beat him up for me when we were teenagers. He was telling him to come to his, to the local wrestling ring to fight for my affection.

We went to the police station that night, as our first date, and filed a report. The cops know him to well; they were not surprised when we came up there to file a report. Things started cooling down once my boyfriend and I started dating, I ended up moving in with him. It was getting pretty serious and I was just enjoying my new found freedom. It seemed as if he just backed off once he knew that my boyfriend and I were together for the long run. He still tried to contact me through Myspace, but I never responded. It finally came to a complete halt when my boyfriend and I finally tied the knot. I was free! So I thought, it was very quiet for a few years... Until recently. I finally decided it was time for me to get out and do things again instead of hiding in my house, due to fear of being kidnapped. I called my friends up and arranged to go to a bar, but they said no because there was a lot of fights going on recently. I didn't think anything of it because this is a small, redneck, hick town. I noticed something one day that I saw a familiar face on my Facebook... It was him! My friends were adding him as a friend! I actually thought he was locked up because he was supposed to be! He tried to add my husband on Facebook as well! His friend started messaging my husband, asking questions about our marriage and if we had any kids. His profile is public, so I looked to see what he was saying, if anything, about me. He didn't, he just talked about constantly reading the local paper at the "Divorce" Section. Ironic? I don't think so. We're talking about relocating here in about a few months, hopefully it will work. I just want him to move on! It seriously has been almost a damn decade!!!

I should have put this with the last comment, but I just don't know what to do anymore! I'm totally freaked out! I can't prove that he's going to stalk me again, I can't predict the future... But the thought of him doing it again is just eatting me ALIVE!!!!! What do I do?! :'-(

What do you do when the police && the DVC tell you..." we don't know what to tell you."? Even the authorities know how he is! My husband & I separated a yr ago. We have No children or property together. I haven't gotten a divorce yet Only because of money issues. He calls with SERIOUS THREATS. Stuff that normal people wouldn't even think of. He even called jst now! I've had my number changed but he always gets it. He calls my job because he knows I have to answer the phone. When will it stop. ANY ADVICE PLZ*

I've been no contact with my ex for 17 years and he still obsesses over me. He adds my former friends and classmates on his Facebook, talks about me continuously to anyone who will listen. He constantly tries to find ways to exact revenge by any means that he can and refuses to move on with his life in any way shape or form.

What can you do with these type of people? How can someone obsess over someone for that long and not even attempt to move on with their lives?

I met him at 16 years of age and I'm now almost 42. Let this be a lesson in making careful relationship choices at a young age because sometimes you end up stuck with them for LIFE!

apparently im a obsessor.. i didnt know this till tonight.. eight months ago the girl i love left me. i have miss her every day since. i think about her all the time. i would never ever do anything like hurt her. but i have sent her some messages on facebook asking her to talk to me.. she responded by sending the police to my house. even after that i still love her. but i have learned my lesson. i will never attempt contact with her again. sometimes i go look at her profile even though i know shouldnt. usually it just makes me cry. i really wish she would contact me but she has since moved on with her life and is much happier without me. i know that i should just let her go and move on with my life but i truely feel like she is the one. anyway i guess im just posting this too say that all men arent evil. some of us just love too much i guess. maybe sometimes instead of freaking out and overeacting it would have just been better to talk to that person and try to understand some of there feeling. because i know that i may be obbsessed. but i dont think that im a bad guy. im just trapped in love

Hey im only 20 and married with two baby girls, one i had just 2 months ago. I was reading your story and my husband is EXACTLY the same, if not worse. I recently found out that he has been cheating on me, it isn't the first time but whenever i tell him that i cant take it anymore and that i want to leave he gets really angry or he pretends like i haven't said anything and carries on with his normal conversation as if i hadn't said anything. It hasn't even been two years for our marriage yet and I feel like I've gone through just about everything bad a marriage could go through over the years in only these two years, cheating, swearing at me and at my family, controlling, completely cutting off contact with my family and friends although he would go out clubbing every night till 4 in the morning, threatening, taking all my money and not even providing for our daughter and always leaving us at home. He would do and say really mean and disgusting things and later get all emotional and say sorry.. At the moment there's a court case going on that i filed against him for domestic abuse, the trial is on the 7th of June. He has been texting me saying things like as soon as court has finished you're coming home with me and i wont take ifs or buts for an answer. To be honest im terrified of him. I have never ever come across anyone like him so far in my life, im so scared that seeing him makes me feel really intimidated and literally sick. He said in an argument that no matter how many times i send him to jail he'll keep coming back for me. Im so worried about the case, what's going to happen when the case has closed.. He is a psychopath that's how i would describe him and he would go to any lengths to keep me. I have no feelings left but he just wont take no for an answer, i told him im going to divorce him but he doesn't take it seriously and threatens to hurt my whole family if i did. Any advice, it would be really helpful and much appreciated.

It sounds like you have an idea of this girl being "the one," based on how you think she would be with you if she wanted to be with you. But she broke up with you, so you aren't "the one" for her. Sometimes people get angry or sad when their idea of someone doesn't match how that person really acts. Accept that her current actions are REALLY who she is. No amount of anger or sadness or "being in love" is going to change the person she is and wants to be into the person you wish she was.

I filed for divorce after 29 years of hell with that monster. Final just four months ago. I chose to delete all "social" pages on the nets. Will not go back - really don't need it. I cannot trust what this madman will do. He has told everyone he meets/sees how awful I am and tells them embellished stories about me and so many private matters. I always feared there was something wrong with him. It wasn't until I found this site that the writing was on the wall! God, it is awful.

Much luck for those just beginning the journey to get away. It is worth it - but please plan carefully. You don't know what another person is thinking or planning. Especially these types. And it's always bad.

I read this a felt compelled to write my story too. I hope this helps every other woman because reading all of your stories is helping me.

I am a 29 year old woman who has been harassed by my obsessive ex for the past 2.5 years. We knew each other since high school and we finally decided to get in a relationship when I was 23. He would tell me stories about how his father and uncles abused him and I felt sorry for him. I wanted to be the person to love him and help him. But that would never happen. He was first verbally abusive. He would insult me and belittle every thing I did. He made me feel dumb every time I spoke.

Then he began cheating and was depressed. He hated life and hated his job and wanted to kill himself. He would tell me stories about how he dreamed about killing people. We became engaged and he promised he would get help and started seeing a counselor. He only went to one session and stopped going. He then became obsessed with sex, cheating with multiple women and started to abuse me physically. It only happened twice but twice was enough.

I finally left him after 2 years and moved to California. I had a new and amazing life and I was happy and then he reappeared. He began calling me obsessively. Called nearly 50 times, threatened me in text messages. I changed my number. He continued to send me emails begging me to be with him because he has changed. I was engaged to someone else and I told him I have moved on. But he didn't care, he kept asking me to be with him. He disappears for about a month or 2 and then reappears sending me long desperate messages that turn into threats. He has been doing this for almost 3 years straight now and has even used other people to get in contact with me. I threatened him with a RO.

I am afraid. I know that he is crazy. He owns many weapons (about 6 different guns and knife sets) and is not a safe person. I live in a different state, hundreds of miles away from him and he doesn't know where I live but I am still afraid sometimes because he knows where my family lives. One time he told me that he thought about driving to California to find me and kidnap me. I wish he would leave me alone. I don't know what to do.

After reading this, I am SO grateful I did not have children with my obsessive, narcissistic, abusive ex-husband. I am already going through Hell trying to rid this man from my life and my consciousness; if we had kids together it would be so much worse. I have two beautiful kids from my first marriage, who cannot TOLERATE my 2nd husband. They hated him from the beginning. The only advice I'd like to offer is: if you haven't had a child with him, DON'T. If you have, I understand how much more difficult and complicated leaving is, but you MUST; you have a moral obligation to teach your children how to value themselves, by setting the example and telling them "Mommy will nt accept abuse and neither should anyone else". Children DO grow up, and as they do, they gain perspective- and they will be proud of you for your strength! God bless us all, who let these monsters into our lives.

Everything everyone is saying is happening to me. I have 2 children with my ex. He is obsessed with me and won't let me go. I have left many times and went back many times. Mostly every time I went back to the abusive relationship was only so I could physically make sure my child was safe and taken care of. This time I am done and in the process of freeing myself from his abuse once and for all. It is not easy. I'm scared not only for me but for everyone around me who is supporting me. I am strong and with help I know I can get through this struggle. The only thing and my biggest issue of all is how guilty I feel about myself getting out of the relationship but my eldest child has to stay in the relationship. I worry all time when my child is away from me. I also worry if I involve the police and nothing is done that my child would then be harmed or emotional y and mentally abused. My question is how can I keep my children safe with me and solely in my care without it backfireing on me? He has a good job and "conections" and I stay home with my youngest baby, and staying with my parents. Yes he is an alcoholic. But even so how do I keep my children safe?

Tried for over a year to break it off with my ex. I had a fling with a man who blackmailed me in to keep seeing him ( I am married). He became increasingly obssessive and jealous of me. He threatened telling my husband and work colleagues. I contemplated committing suicide. I rang help lines etc,I felt alone and depressed. I eventually went to the police. He stopped contacting me but started contacting me through social media. I came off all social media but still suffer with anxiety because of it. I paid dearly for a terrible mistake.I still worry that he will contact my husband even though I have not seen this man in over a year. I have been to hell and back.

My daughters father is everything I've read. He uses our daughter who's 4 she has every other weekend she begs not to go. She comes home dirty smell of dog. She has ticks n mosquito bits all over n she's allergic. She says she's locked in a room alone no food bath etc by him and his mom. I contacted lawyer and dhs bt they tell me she's 4 and he says I'm just trying to hurt him so they won't do anything. I'm watching my daughter b torched and no one will help. She begs me not to let her go. Six years I've known him and it's wasn't till my daughter was born he started getting to b this way or maybe I was just blind. I've tried everything and no one can save my only child.

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: Articles, clickable links & resources for victims & survivors. Dealing with verbal, psychological & emotional abuse and personality disorders.
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GENDER BIAS
Numerous men have come in here and been offended that the abusers are referred to as "he" in many of these articles. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am well aware of the fact that female abusers exist and cause just as much devastation as their male counterparts. The sad fact is that there are more male abusers than female narcissists, but domestic homicide is the leading cause of death in women surpassing cancer and car accidents. A woman dies at the hands of her significant other every 6 days, and when you look at the stats for the whole world it is even more bleak. Worldwide, a woman dies every day due to domestic homicide. One in 3 women will experience abuse in her life. It is a plague on society worldwide, causing devastation and ruining lives of men and women. Abuse is an equal opportunity scourge, abusers don't care what color, nationality, religion, age, health condition or socio-economic status, or gender the victim is, the only prerequisite a victim must have is a heart and empathy.
Replacing he or him with she or her as you read is simple enough. Please remember these articles are NOT written by me but shared as supportive information. Thank you.

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