Summer on the Internet

It's August, and perhaps some of you haven't gotten to the beach yet this summer.

And you haven't made homemade ice cream.

Or you haven't done battle with those nasty cabbage loopers in your garden -- or haven't, in point of fact, planted a garden.

If summer has passed you by, as it is wont to do, here's a last-ditch suggestion: Experience virtual summer on the Internet.

Consider the pluses of spending the dog days with your mouse:

No sand will be tracked into the house.

Sun-poisoning risk is limited.

Tartar-sauce stains are less likely.

And there's no embarrassing love-handle exposure at the beach.

The minuses:

Fried clams taste better with ravenous sea gulls circling overhead.

The guilt you'll feel about fabricating cool vacation stories.

Beach dudes and babes are, of course, at the beach.

Those pasty appendages you call legs.

But do you really want to sweat the last month of summer away? Or do you want to stay cool, stay confined and avoid the crowds (or any personal interaction, for that matter)? Below, we present a collection of Web sites to ensure a hassle-free virtual summer.

(People who aren't Internet-connected will just have to experience the season firsthand. Hint: Make sure you have bug spray, and drink plenty of fluids.)

Cam-O-Rama

For a truly vicarious vacation, the remote cameras mounted in almost every corner of the globe will take you away -- even to some places you might not want to go, such as people's bedrooms. For exotic locations, the best of these is stage.web camresource.com/regional. Talk about links. You can watch poolside frolics live from the bridge of a Princess cruise ship, or track elephants, check out Mount Ararat in Armenia, or see who's making fettuccine in the kitchen of La Finestra, an Italian restaurant in Aachen, Germany.

Feeling beachy? A site called www.macges.org/beachcam has cameras trained on the sun and fun crowd across the country.

Gastronomic Delights

Ice cream delivered to your door: nice idea. Nice, but not cheap. And, with delivery time, it's not an instant-gratification kind of thing. Still, it's worth checking out: www.icecream source.com. For the complete scoop on ice cream, take a gander at: www.cgl.uwaterloo.ca/(tilde)smann/IceCream.

Avoid the crowds drooling in front of the fudge-shop tourist traps. Tear yourself away from the computer and make a batch. One handy Web site has recipes for everything from pineapple fudge to a Velveeta variety to a fudgy treat made with mashed potatoes (soar.berkeley.edu/recipes/desserts/candy/fudge). Yum!

Seasonal Perils

Maybe you don't plan to leave your house. But everything you need to know about sunburn, from blisters to peeling, can be found on www.healthcentral. com/mhc/top/000062.cfm.

Ever wonder what's going on just outside your window, in the wonderful world of weeds? Check out www.weedalert.com. You'll find weeds common to your area, alerts for particularly nasty ones -- a crab grass alert is now in effect -- and the ''Weed of the Week," in which readers are challenged to name the vegetation in the picture. Hmm. Looks like crab grass to me.

Warning to entomophobics (folks who are scared of insects): Skip these sites. For others, find out what's been eating your rutabagas at: www.arthropod.net/4-insect--identification.htm.

It's always best to view tornadoes from a distance. Cyberspace is a particularly good place to step back and watch the wind blow. At www.tornado project.com, check out weather warnings, tornado lore and even wacky tornado riddles (e.g., ''What are tornadoes called in Belgium?'' ''Brussels spouts.'')

Or take a tour of the Online Tornado Museum (members.aol.com/tornadfoto) where you'll see twister photographs from the U.S. heartland, and a photo of the Dillo-Cam, a device that films inside tornadoes.

P.S.: In case of a real tornado, turn off the computer. They're hellish on hard drives.