I know, I know…. the gimcrack is all about sex toys lately. I promise I’ll get on to some serious stuff soon but when I saw Wanda’s glowing endorsement of the accommodator*** I had to share it with you.

When he came out of the closet in nothing but chaps and a penis strapped to his chin, I almost came. Tied to the bed, him ramming me, thrusting hard over and over…until I came. He unstrapped his chin, leaving the Accomodator inside me. The night of fun had just begun.

sorry, Wanda, if a man jumped out of my closet wearing chaps and a penis strapped to his chin….. well, words fail me….. though I do know of another nurse who’d probably jump at the chance of testing out the accommodator to see if your claims are true.

ever since I found this medical appliance while conducting one of my research projects, I’ve had the lyrics to “seven little girls sitting in the back seat” playing repeatedly in my head. not that I’m old enough to recall a song from 1959 – please remember that nursemyra’s job brings her into daily contact with the strangest of people including entertainers like Spud Maloney

Plugs into car lighter!
Hit the road for some real action–hot rod style! Cruise along with one hand on the wheel an the other on the auto suck.

here’s the words to “seven little girls” for those of you who’ve never had the pleasure of hearing Spud sing it. I guess this lonely driver was really pissed off that fred was getting all the action

Keep your mind on your driving,
Keep your hands on the wheel
Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead.
We’re having fun, sitting in the backseat,
Huggin and a kissin with Fred.

like many other bloggers, when I’m a little low on inspiration I look at the isp addresses and search engine terms that brought unwary googlers to the gimcrack. which is how I found cancerhelp.org.cn

the early symptoms of colorectal cancer is the law and defecation character has changed. After the solution or will it intended imperfections, the feeling sluggish defecation. One has been the law of the stool, changes in bowel habits in the near future, such as diarrhea, constipation, diarrhea or alternating constipation, defecation impeded flu.

gosh I had no idea there were laws about defaming the character of a person’s stools. I hope no litigation happy chinese solicitors have been hanging around the gimcrack listening to the things I say about Harry.

then I got sucked in by “wives of smokers in vivo” and foolishly clicked a further link

The study found the husband of his wife’s smoking room where women above the level of carcinogens in vivo husband in another room smoking women.

I’m not sure just what this study uncovered but we’re pretty vigilant with our “no smoking” rule so hopefully there’ll be no court proceedings on that issue. I really could have stopped reading then but no, I had to see what foods we shouldn’t be serving in our dining room…..

oh dear, the gimcrack has been saving quite a bit of money by accepting moldy corn from our greengrocer, and benzo flowers too as they only cost half as much as cauliflowers. but further reading on another page revealed….

Philadelphia hospitals also extracted from the sweet potato an active substances — emasculation one that is effective against colon cancer

so if we replace the moldy corn with green corn tips and benzo flowers with sweet potato we can not only reduce cancer in our patients but also stop some of the sexual shenanigans they get up to when the nurses’ backs are turned.

and you can be sure from now on nursemyra will be more vigilant when it comes to that law of the stool…..

corset friday rolls around so quickly but I didn’t wear a corset to work today. however I did don red stockings and red boots which were a big hit with the patients. they match the red streaks in my hair but you’ll have to link back here for a picture of those.

regular readers know that nursemyra excels at important things such as enemas and injections but is rather inept with a camera. so no pictures of the boot and stocking combo but here’s the rest of the outfit. it was undercover during working hours but I’m home for the evening now so it’s my “winding down and drinking shiraz” ensemble.

one of our patients smokes a pipe. like the cigarette addicted, he has to go outside to indulge his habit or he risks setting off the fire alarm. today he decided to chance it by hanging his head out the window and sneaking a puff, but he dropped the pipe and the jig was up.

puffing billy was firmly chastised by the DON for this breach of OH & S regulations but somehow I don’t think an oral scolding will be sufficient. I’ve been looking around for an appropriate retaliation response to someone who continually flouts the no smoking rule and this ad has given me an idea

if he’s disobedient again nursemyra could use the opportunity to practise piercing. I like to think I’m good with a needle, extracting blood or administering insulin is a breeze for a woman of my capabilities but I’d like to try something a little more difficult like installing a prince albert.

there’s an interesting variation on this run of the mill piercing. it can be dressed up with a Doorknocker Wand also affectionately known as a penis plug. I’ll be studying the instructions but knowing billy’s fear of needles, this could be just the incentive he needs to give up his pipe…..

nurses at the gimcrack see a lot of things that you hopefully never will. Mr S has had a little mishap while attempting to mount the exercise bike. I’m not sure exactly what he did but he’s now sporting a couple of bruised and swollen testicles.

gravity affects all parts of the body, and balls are no exception. personally I like the look of a dangling apple bag, though maybe not one that’s attached to an 88 year old (no offense daddyp). still, I don’t like to see any of our patients in unnecessary pain so I’ve been researching genital support garments and discovered the ball bra.

as you can see, this fetching garment allows a man to keep all his jewels in the harness or he can choose to give the sceptre a free reign so to speak. the ballbra people claim their product even enhances orgasm and I’m not in a position to confirm that but I do find it a lot more attractive than the “stretchy seat” offered by munsingwear.

munsingmen would never be seen wearing pert underwear which concerns itself with battling gravity on the other side of the body. personally I hope I never have the misfortune to see one of these on any of our patients. not even penfold could make this work for me.

there’s a women’s version from pert as well though there’s something about the placement of the straps that I find very offputting. here’s another way of using undergarments to lift a sagging derriere.

or you could opt for a brazilian butt lift where microinjections of fat are inserted into your buttocks

hmmmm…… nursemyra appears to have gotten a little off track tonight. ok people, back to testicle support. I have a question to pose to my male readers, though female gimcrackers who have a vested interest in a pair of balls can also chip in.

regular readers know by now that keeping our patients’ bowels in working order is an ongoing committment. we do try the natural way of a fibre rich diet, plenty of fluids, moderate exercise and the odd gallon of metamucil but sometimes things get stuck and we have to bring out the old enema bag.

we don’t have just one keeper of the royal rectum, all our nurses are adept at unclogging colons. we also use the latest equipment unlike Mongols who used a cow’s horn to the wider end of which they attached an animal bladder to hold the nutritious fluid while the narrow end was inserted into the rectum.

it’ll come to me eventually but in the meantime a google search for “‘vibra bra”‘ revealed a whole new world to nursemyra. the pretty pink world of the breast growing belt.

The massage vibration was controlled by the microcomputer, it's rhythmic vibration
can effectively accelerate the blood circulation in breast which will help the
galactophore develop in health, balance women's incretion, prevent the breast disease
such as tumour or cancer. It brings healthcare to breast and keep it permanent
chubbiness and plump. It will make the relaxed and dropped breast resume elasticity
and enrichment even after bearing!

there were some readers who didn’t buy into “the basis principle of physiology and physical sucking theory. And its slight but concentrated effect could stimulate hypophysis to excrete hormone, thus to exercise nusculartissue stretchy as well as fibre function, also enlarging breast naturally.”

this product would be ideal for those who don’t own or have access to a puppy yet still want to plumple and lift while correcting recalcitrant nipples. gosh it even removes measles, every hospital should have one.

I know some of you will not be convinced, perhaps you have a touch of xenophobia and would prefer to purchase your bosom glamouriser from a reputable firm with more believable endorsements such as this from Miss Midriff Billy Toast…..*

so go ahead. order the american version. but please add 25 cents for postage and handling.