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Friday, September 25, 2015

Relating to others

The New York Times Sunday Review article September 20, 2015,
A Toxic Work World reports many Americans are facing stress-inducing
competition, and twelve to sixteen hour workdays at all levels of the
socioeconomic scale. At the same time there is a swing from highly
competitive workplaces, where performance is measured by total hours worked, toward a collaborative,
results orientation that was unheard of
in the days of my father.

Some believe the new trend has evolved from the arrival of the
Internet, some say women breaking out of their
stereotyped roles, or disdain for the
gridlock in the United States Congress. One of the change leaders is Patricia McLagan, founder
of McLagan International, (http://mclaganint.com/), who in the late 80's began
a movement to focus on customer satisfaction rather than company profits.But no matter how these changes started, they
have arrived.

My father had taught me how to
wear his tough, show-no-emotions, masculine breastplate. However, men today who
don't want to collaborate, or don't know how, are facing an uphill battle. Many
younger adults, talking and texting with
anyone anytime, now embrace it. Collaboration thrives on
building relationships, and Brené Brown, who researches human behavior, found
successful people best build relationships by being vulnerable.[1]But during my strongly competitive corporate
days, hierarchical leaders used an
employee's known vulnerabilities to pass over their next promotion.

Today, as both gender's roles continue to expand, some
companies are touting teamwork above individual competition. And women are not the
only gender to relate well with others, or, become nurses, cook, do housework
and support their spouses' pursuit of their dreams. A man I know meets with a small group
of men with different political affiliations who gather outside work to discuss
their differences in a civil manner.

In Houston, A Walking Tour of Male Spirituality has begun with its first commitment to practice building
relationships in a safe and trustworthy environment, in which every man freely
directs his own life and is worthy of being heard.It poses questions about life from So Dad, What Makes a Man; A Narrative on the
Male Identity. To be clear, my stories are not all models to be imitated. My twenty-five year career as a "workaholic," highly competitive with every
colleague , left me little family time and no time to learn about myself. After I retired I had no close relationships
from work but I began to learn more about myself and relating
to others --often quite by accident--that transformed me.

In both the ten-session A
Walking Tour and the book So Dad What
Makes a Man? the terms "spirituality" and "spiritual
presence" refer to one's personal relationship with God. A
Walking Tour of Male Spirituality is an invitation to practice relating better with your spouse, a friend or in a group. If you already belong to a men's group, it makes for good discussions.