People now eating Leggings

The Office for National Statistics’ (ONS) annual review of basket of goods, reveal that the British public are consuming significantly more high chairs, moisturizer and cameras. Chief among these new nibbles are women’s leggings – with the peg trouser in a viscose mix, now preferable to a nice pork pie.

The implications for vitamin balance and dental work are profound, and no amount of Vaseline is going to make a GoPro easy to swallow. An ONS spokeswoman said: ‘These are changes to contemporary habits and indicate the fact that tapered leggings taste of spam’.

Last year, speciality gin and children’s scooters were among items in the inflation basket – but reflected a rise in recruitment for the toddler’s branch of Hells Angels. The introduction of leggings, by contrast, is caused by the popularity of hipster cafés serving lemon infused sweat pants and ‘jeggings in humus’.

Commented one shopper: ‘The upside is that my local food bank can now combine with H&M. Some people say a legging is hard to swallow but I voted for Brexit, so I’ll swallow anything’.

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