Sunday Ramble | Education, what education?

This week proposed educational reform suggested by education secretary Michael Gove has been in the news. David Cameron knew nothing of these plans of course, not until Nick Clegg reminded him that he did. It seems Michael Gove and his public school educated supporters don’t like the GCSE and want a return to a GCE style examinations. It was of course the Conservatives who introduced comprehensive education and they have been moaning about it ever since. That arch-tory, Margaret Thatcher actually scrapped grammar schools in favour of comprehensives. Michael Gove went to a state school and then won a scholarship to an independent school; in case you were wondering…

I can be fairly neutral on this issue of course. I didn’t go to a comprehensive or a public school! My school was approved!

Michael Gove argued in favour of spending 60 million on a new royal yacht earlier this year and as an ex-Times journalist appears to be very friendly with Rupert Murdoch. Considering how many Conservative ministers are very friendly with Rupert Murdoch, they should ask him to pay for a bloody Royal yacht.

My concern about education is, if we have a lot of people in society that have been poorly educated in comprehensives and have Mickey Mouse qualifications in the form of GCSE’s. Shouldn’t we extend adult education to help those poor buggers? Maybe we could open up our schools in the evenings and have citizenship classes? They could be taught how to affix England flags to their cars and wave union flags at the right moment. They could learn the words to God Save the Queen and watch re-runs of Royal weddings and Jubilees on television. We could have financial education too, so they understand the need for ordinary people to cut down, in these times of austerity, so their betters can enjoy Royal Ascot, Henley and Wimbledon.

I used to drive down West Bromwich High street on my way to work in Birmingham many moons ago. I tried it last week out of curiosity. What have they done to it? Kerbs sticking out into the road, keep left signs everywhere, traffic lights; no bloody wonder the average speed through Sandwell is only 18 MPH. That must be the work of those comprehensively educated morons who got the job by waving their Mickey Mouse GCSE’s!

Do you remember that film, Clockwise? It starred John Cleese. Anyway, it was set in a school near here. It used to be Menzies High School, a bloody useless comprehensive. Now it’s a collegiate. What is a bloody collegiate? It’s a posh name for a High School. Changing the name won’t help, you just have to pay out for new signs. Then the headmistress will want a pay rise, because she is now the chief executive of a collegiate. We used to have a town clerk running the council, now it’s a bloody chief executive on 140,000 a year. It all costs money. I bet he’s got GCSE’s…

This blog has been read in over 80 countries, people in 79 of those countries won’t know what the hell this one is about. It’s a warning, no matter how nice I make England look with my photos it’s full of uneducated idiots and you not only have to drive on the left; you also have to try to avoid kerbs that stick out into the road and negotiate mini roundabouts where nobody has right of way. Come for a 10 day vacation and if you manage to keep your sanity, it’s an achievement. Yes, that large pink building on West Bromwich High street is real; the elephants are in your imagination, stay off the local beer.

One of my ambitions is to have a weekly column in a national newspaper. I want to write satire and be facetious once a week. I wonder who has Michael Gove’s old job at the Times? I could do that and I don’t have one Mickey Mouse GCSE to my name…

There are more amazing blogs on a Zillion Ideas and of course on the home page. Have a happy Sunday, get your GCSE’s out and frame them, they could become collectors items, do that old copy of the Sun newspaper while you’re at it.