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AISU Morning News

If you want to make your voice be heard regarding the unjust termination of great people such as Mike Farley, Steve Farley, Greg Farley (Steve’s clone who worked as a lunch lady), and Kelly Casaday, you now have a great means to do so. Join your fellow students in voicing their disappointment in decisions made by the AISU board of directors in a cool and productive way.

If you are neither of these, but care about Mike and Steve and Greg and Kelly a great deal, sign either one. I don’t care. No matter who you are, though please do not sign both. We want this to be as honest and legal of a process as possible, as boring as that is. If you are a student AND a parent (we won’t judge), I guess you can sign both. Otherwise, stay honest please.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

THERE WILL BE A TOWN HALL Q&A WITH MIKE FARLEY, WHO WILL, WITH A LEGAL INFORMANT, BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU, STUDENTS, PARENTS, OR UNCONNECTED COMMUNITY MEMBERS, MAY HAVE.

IT WILL BE AT 7:00 PM MOUNTAIN TIME, THURSDAY JULY 6, AT THE MURRAY LIBRARY (166 E. 5300 S., Murray UT, 84107).

AISU – A pure-intentioned, anonymous student turned herself in to authorities yesterday, confessing to having watched AISU Morning News, though she insists it was an accident.

The student, who spoke with the media on conditions of anonymity, claims to have been attempting to permanently delete the “urgent allone” thread in her school email when an unfamiliar message titled “AISU Morning News” showed up in her inbox. The student claims to have ignored it at first, as would every self-respecting person, but at that exact moment, her computer froze. “So I did what I always do in that situation,” said the student, “I randomly moved my mouse all over the screen and clicked everywhere a million times until it worked.”

However, once the mouse-moving and click spamming did work, the student found that she had inadvertently opened the AISU School News email and started to play it. “I was terrified,” said the student, who is believed to be the only person to ever watch the school news without being featured in it.

“I thought I would never be treated as normal anymore. … I was sure I would never be able to live this down.”

The student said she worried about what people would think about her if they found out what had happened. “I thought I would never be treated as normal anymore. I was afraid I would be known as ‘the girl who watched the school news’ for the rest of my life. I was sure I would never be able to live this down.”

She says her first reaction was to cover up her mistake. “I thought about hiding it. I could delete my history, never tell anyone, and nobody would have to know,” she said. “Unfortunately, Mike was standing right behind me at that moment, and he saw what I was doing. He said he wouldn’t tell anyone, but I knew he thought differently of me immediately.”

“So I knew what I had to do. I had to come clean. I thought that if I didn’t tell my side of the story, rumors would start, and the more I let the rumor spread, the more corrupted it would get, you know?” Said the victim, “And besides, it was an innocent mistake, and even though that doesn’t make me feel any better about seeing it, it did make it easier to come clean.”

This victim of school news videos says she has now opened a completely anonymous 12-step school news viewing recovery program, so that people can get help without facing public ridicule. She has also started a petition asking that the AISU school news emails not be sent to minors without parental consent. She’s already earning praise for her efforts. “This young lady is an excellent example of accomplishing great things despite social damnation to make the world a better and safer place,”says school psychologist Barbara Walters, herself a recovering news-watcher. “She is a role model to victims of the school news everywhere.”

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