Archive for August, 2014

As a depressive I was shocked and saddened at the death of Robin Williams. I was disgusted with a lot of the media coverage and especially of the term “commit suicide”. To use the phrase “commit suicide” is to incur that a crime was committed. He didn’t break the law. Robin Williams died from side effects of deep depression. I read a great deal of articles that talked about how “selfish” he was, because he took his own life.

There is no doubt in my mind that Robin Williams was loved. He was loved by his wife and family, his co-workers and his fans. The fact that he struggled with depression and addiction all of his adult life meant that he found it difficult to love himself.

What most people don’t understand is that depressives are often great actors. We force ourselves to clean ourselves up, pull ourselves together and face the world with a smile. The saddest part of Robin Williams suicide is that he is, in some cases, being vilified after his death. And that is repugnant.

He suicided, because he could no longer find the strength to pretend. Chances are, when he made the decision to suicide his behaviour changed. He appeared to be “better”. He appeared happier, more like his “old self”. This happens when someone who has been in such pain for so long has decided how they will escape that pain. A great burden is released, a weight lifted and there is finally relief.

Some articles suggested that he had it all. While that may be true, he, most likely, did not feel deserving. He had an incredible gift; the gift to help people escape the misery of everyday life and laugh. He knew he was loved by so many people but he could not love himself.

When depression appears it is usually unexpected, and it can feel like staring into a deep, dark precipice. It can feel like a dark cloud descending, smothering the light and all air. It can start slowly, like a long, slow dive. It can be a sudden shock, like a trip, stumble and fall. Regardless, depression is not something that you can “snap out of” or “think happy thoughts” and be instantly better.

You don’t have to go far to hear platitudes that all we need to do is to love one another. I am a big believer that love can change the world. In my heart, I believe that if we each did our part and started from a place of love we would solve many of the world’s conflicts. Robin Williams was loved. He loved many people. Just not himself.

In his case, and in the case of many depressives, when things are bad, at their darkest, it is then that hopelessness takes over. How can I love my neighbour as myself, when I don’t love myself? How can I be a Christian when I cannot follow the basic tenet of Jesus? Sometimes we cannot love ourselves. And the worst part is, no-one can do it for us.

We do the best we can with the gifts that God has given us. And occasionally we stumble and fall. Sometimes we need to stay down for awhile, but we cannot unpack and take up residence there. At times like this it is imperative to seek help, and yet, it is counterintuitive to reach out because every ounce of energy is being used up staying upright and breathing.

There are days when it feels like the sun will never shine again. There are times when it feels like you will never smile again. These are the times when we should reach out and trust, but the disease can be so crippling that it renders us completely immobile.

I believe, in my heart, that Robin Williams is now in paradise. He is in a place where there is no such thing as depression. He is free of the demons that haunted him and ultimately led him to die.

My prayer is that we who are depressives find the strength, somehow, to reach out when we are hurting. My prayer is that those who know a depressive will recognise the signs when they are on a downward slope, and reach out. You don’t have to say anything. Advice will likely not be heard. All you can do is be present, listen and remain in the silence. Words won’t fix depression. There are treatments, but there is no cure.

If you are reading this and feeling the darkness descend, take a moment and reach out. Text, email or call a friend. Tell them you need them. And they will come.

If someone reads this and reaches out to you because they are frightened and vulnerable, go to them. Be calm, be non-anxious, and non-judgmental. It took an inordinate amount of energy to reach out. Respect the incredible gift of trust that has been bestowed upon you. Be prepared for silence…for anger…for frustration.

When someone is hurting, sometimes love does not seem to be enough. Robin Williams could not love himself enough to stay. He suicided because he felt there was no point in continuing. He was not selfish or self-centred. He was not seeking attention. He could no longer handle the pain of the disease. And so he ended it. The world mourns the loss of a comedic legend. Please do not let his death be in vain.

If you are someone who struggles with depression, find a person who you trust, that can support you. When things start to get bad, reach out. Be open and honest. And receive the love they will give you with grace.

If you know or love someone who is depressive, learn their cycles and emotional swings. If you see them struggling, reach out to them. Be reassuring. Remind them you love them. Ask nothing in return. Sit in silence, become comfortable in that silence. And know you are not alone in supporting them. Know that you are loved. And so are they. By the one who created us, died for us and loves us unconditionally. God.