All I want for Christmas: Is it time to rein in our shopping lists?

SANTA'S shopping list seems to get longer ever year – so is it time we reined it in, wonders Rachel Carlyle

Santa’s shopping list seems to get longer ever year – so is it time we reined it in

When we were growing up, you got presents from your parents, your grandparents, and a couple of aunties and uncles. Now, children get gifts from their friends, our friends, neighbours, godparents, baby-sitters – the list goes on. Last year, my children each had 19 thank-you letters to write, while my own Christmas shopping list now stands at 32 names.

No one thinks this is a good idea.

For children, there’s the anguish of putting pen to paper so many times (especially when your mother insists on three correctly spelled sentences minimum). For adults, there’s the expense, the pressure and the nagging feeling that all those plastic action figures are just clogging up landfill – and giving children an unappealing sense of entitlement.

But how do you cut down your checklist without giving offence? Sometimes you can’t (hence my 32 names) but often people are happy to be relieved of the burden – as Martin Lewis of Moneysavingexpert.com found when he spoke out against the pointless tyranny of presents for all.

We should never feel guilty about telling our children that a gift costs too much and we can’t afford it

Rachel Carlyle

“You feel curmudgeonly, but so many people told me, ‘At last someone has said it.’ I really think we’re all buying too many presents, especially for children – piles of useless rubbish that will never be loved or appreciated,” he says.

Lewis has come up with a ready-written email, the Pre-Christmas NUPP (No Unnecessary Present Pact), on his website to send to friends. He also suggests collecting the money you would all have spent on all those £10 “checklist” presents – and pooling it for a group day out.

Alternatively, you could suggest a Secret Santa sack, where everyone buys a present for one other person in the group – with a ceiling on cost – or you could try “IOU gifts”, which are especially good for adults (what parent wouldn’t appreciate a handwritten promise of a couple of nights’ baby-sitting or a weekend sleepover for their child?).

Main presents for children have also seen rampant inflation over the past 20 years. A survey by Asda reckoned UK parents spend £312 on each child (including smaller gifts); other research has it at £178 per child.

But we should never feel guilty about telling our children that a gift costs too much and we can’t afford it, says child psychologist Richard Woolfson. If yours have set their hearts on something eye-wateringly expensive, discuss with them how they might contribute towards the cost themselves, or spread it around other relatives

Remember: Christmas is not about proving our credentials as parents or assuaging guilt for not spending enough time with our children over the rest of the year.

When it comes to Santa letters, it’s important to ensure they understand these are wish lists, not shopping lists. Author Roni Jay always tried to make sure her children’s lists had a maximum of three or four items and only one main present. With older children, you can set a budget and allow them to choose how it’s spent.

Another good tip for managing children’s expectations as Christmas draws near is to teach them scepticism about television advertising. Children love thinking they are cool enough to see through the hype. One ex-toy industry friend told her children the more sparkles there were on a TV advert, the worse the company thought the toy was. They played a household game where they got a point for every sparkle they spotted, as well as disclaimers such as “does not represent actual size” and “set does not include all figures shown”.

If your children are still desperate for something you aren’t keen on, take them to the shop so they can see it close up. Do they still like it?

If it’s a money issue, you could consider buying a second-hand or lower-spec model. That way, they can still stand on the first rung of the coolness ladder without entering the pressurised world of always having to have the latest thing.

And it’s worth remembering that children aren’t necessarily as acquisitive as we assume. According to the charity Family Action, which questioned children aged between six and 16 about what they wanted most at Christmas, the number one was time to spend with family. Gifts came further down the list. Now that’s more like the true spirit of Christmas.