INFJ

Lately I have remembered the day when I had the light bulb day discovery.

When 4 seemingly simple letters finally helped me come to terms with who I am.
The day I realised that I wasnt alone or freakishly odd and different.

For so long I wasn’t able to put it into words why I was different.

The day I discovered I was rare but not alone in this world.
When I knew I was special and when so much of my past behaviour finally made sense. The pieces finally started to connect nicely together to bring me some peace.

I managed to find the post of what I wrote when I found out and thought I would share it with you. Maybe an INFJ lands on my page and this article with make them feel less alone and find more answers.

“GREETINGS, to other INFJ’s!!! Today I finally realised I’m not innately faulty. I had been trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me for far too long. Finally 24 years later, I’m much closer to being at peace with myself and this world.

I became a TRUE MINORITY but strangely enough it was a big relief. To realise I’m NOT ALONE, (I can finally quote the Michael Jackson song to myself and FELLOW INFJ’s – “You are not alone”)
Even if it is just with another 1% of the population has been great. I’m not the only one.

It has been deeply refreshing to have so much light finally shed on “inner me”, to see so many pieces that I have been clutching onto for so long fall into places in such short time. After being given a definition of what I am, has made a lot of things clearer and easier now, but at the same time it makes a lot of things that much harder because of knowing that the world I am living in barely knows INFJ’s exist and how the world itself appears to “value” all other types more so than the INFJ’s.

I guess people like us may have in the past felt even more alienated, before the “birth of the internet”. With the growing influence and power of the internet it has blown a much needed breath of fresh air into the lives of INFJ’s. We have been provided with a platform to comfortably “drop” and “express” our thoughts, feelings and ideas in ways that were previously not so open. More importantly it has allowed us to find out much more about ourselves, to acknowledge that we are not the only strange fishes in the sea. There are others. Yes it is true that there are not many like us; however the internet has allowed us to “find others like us.”

I have often wondered why I see so much around me and inside me, but have been unable to express it freely with others. There are many times when I need to be alone, to think, to reflect, to collect my thoughts and views of numerous aspects in this world. I didn’t understand why no one around me needed to do the same. (I have never known another INFJ or knew of the existence). Why they constantly need to meet up, socialise and talk. I do enjoy this at small dosages but too much would cause my inside to reach overdrive. I would enjoy hours and even days in the company of myself, to lock away myself from the constant buzz of the outside world. I had previously continuously thought something was really wrong with me inside. I felt as if I had split personalities, because I would find it hard to at times to figure myself out. Around my close friends I was bubbly, talkative, active, funny and at comfort. Yet with people I didn’t know, work colleagues, social gatherings I could not help but zone out, become quiet, shy, awkward and appear anti-social. I knew I was doing it but I couldn’t stop or change. Then there were cases where I would help total strangers and wouldn’t be shy in those moments.

A part of me deep down always knew that I had depth, I was thoughtful, I could see things that others may not notice, there was something different about me, but I didn’t know what nor understand how it worked or why I was the way I was.

Today it clicked into place!!!! *I am an INFJ*

With such qualities that we possess:
articulate
– thoughtfulness
– intuitive
observant
– enjoy music, writing and art (which can be seen as solo activities)
– empathic and sensitivity: through the ability to empathise with the concerns of other people and the world.
– clarify of visions: as we often contemplate the complexity of the meaning of life,future and the world.
– valuing deep and close relationships.
– excellent listeners.

Also comes with it many flaws:
– we can be embroiled in solitude.
– incoherent thoughts
– appear to the outside world as someone who is reserved, antisocial, aloof and distant in communication.
– our brains are constantly thinking and ticking away, which can cause ourselves to feel like we have gone into overdrive mode, leaving us feeling drained and tired.
– being seen as too complex and a sheer mystery that refuses to connect with others, creating lots of misunderstanding.
– only being able to share and connect with a hand full of people
– INFJ’s are not easy to live with.
– as connections are strong and rare with others, when these are damaged or broken it will cause deep pain and distress which can shatter INFJ’s to lengths that are unimaginable.
– being able to see through people on so many levels that INFJ’s are able to sense the good and bad in people and situations can trouble our mindset.

Let’s break it down into notches: for the first time in my life I know you as INFJ’s are seeing the world and my views through the same lenses =)

Family: If I had only realised what I am, then you have guessed right they were not aware of who I am. Therefore being around family members can at times feel very demanding, because they are constantly in the same environment as you, yet you need space very often. So this has not been easy. At times I know they think something is really wrong with me inside. This is understandable, because I thought that too. But at the same time they have not been too accepting. However I guess if you are not sure what you were dealing with it is like searching for something in the dark but not knowing what exactly you are searching for. So it makes it a million times harder to get. For them to get you and for you to get them you need to learn more about each other.

Work: Can be difficult because others don’t understand us, because they have rarely been associated with people like us. Even worse cases, they don’t even know we exist. What hurts most is that we perceive and understand how they see us, what they think we are, but we cannot change this misconception. It is hard to juggle work life if the job you are in clashes deeply with being an INFJ. I know this feeling far too well. Especially since I have been in the work world for about three years without knowing “who I truly am” and why so many aspects seemed so difficult. I pray and hope now that I know I’m an INFJ things may start to change for the better.

Friendship: In the case of your “friends” at times it can be hard to maintain these relationships because you dip in and out of their life, wanting to show them more of you. Furthermore because at times they are so different to you it is hard for them to understand you and for you to reveal yourself and connect with them. However at the same time you do value their friendship. For those that are your “close/special friends” the connection is great beyond words, they are not INFJ’s but they get you in ways that so little people do, you feel so comfortable around them and deeply value these friendships and hold them close to your heart. Unfortunately I can say that one of these friendships I had was severely damaged. The pain was crushing. I didn’t and on some levels still don’t know how to come back from it. Any ideas? Your thoughts and experience are deeply appreciated.

Relationships/ soul mate: These definitely don’t seem to be easy, I have only had a few relationships and each time they don’t last nor work out, I now understand a bit more as to why, from learning that I am an INFJ. Yet a part of me continues to hope and believe that in this complex world there is more out there.

Energy: I don’t know if other INFJ’s feel the same, but I feel in today’s society and lifestyle my energy gets drained quicker. The bursts of energy I experience are short and not often. I am still trying to figure out why that is. I do know there are ways to “recharge” myself but in this “buzzing and busy world” at times this is not easy to do.

View of the world/life and that bigger picture: I see the world as being very complex and needs to be explored and understood yet can never be fully comprehended. But this does not mean I stop thinking or reflecting about it and about life. I continue to want to help others, so much so that sometimes it hurts because I know for a fact that suffering and pain will never end. But I guess every little bit of assistance is helpful and is worth something. I am aware that the world is full of beauty but at the same time flaws.

It was nice to be able to share the above with you, I have felt like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I hope reading this has given you something in return as much as it has given me calm and peace in writing this. Any ideas, thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.”