For those who prefer "Cocktail" and ''Jerry Maguire," there are a couple of scenes, topping and tailing the movie, in which we receive a blast of his trade- mark grin, the one that signals, "Check me out." That perkiness has always dimly reminded me of some other cultural figure of note, and finally, midway through this movie, I got it: Sponge Tom CruisePants! Like our submarine friend, Cruise tends to outshine the surround- ing creatures. The wasting of Michelle Monaghan, for instance-so quick and luscious in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," so mopey here-is indefensible, not unlike the paltry use of Lalo Schifrin's theme, which is only the most contagious tune ever heard by mortal ears. Still, all credit to Cruise for pitting himself, at last, against one of the few actors who can make him quail. Even as he hangs Philip Seymour Hoffman upside down out of a plane, there remains a glint of power in those beady Hoffman eyes-the cer- tainty that, however windblown, he will . . rIse agaIn. To be honest, I prefer the Hoffman of "M:i:III" to the Oscar winner of "Capote." The role of Owen Davian, though underwritten, is more of a piece and less of a turn than his chirruping Truman Capote. Say what you like about Davian; he may sell dirty bombs to Middle Eastern regimes and torture an American female agent, but at least he doesn't drag William Shawn along to watch. As for the sequence in which Hoffman pretends to be Tom Cruise pretending to be Philip Seymour Hoff- man, most of us would call a personal- injury lawyer, or perhaps a libel special- ist, but Hoffman doesn't flinch. I sus- pect that his one disappointment, when he views the finished product, will be the scrappiness of the ending. J. J. Abrams, who in many ways does a smarter job with the franchise than Brian De Palma and John Woo did be- fore him, seems to lose steam along the way, as if his schooling in television drama-he was the prime mover of "Alias" and "Lost" -has deprived him of the stamina for the longer, two-hour haul. The reported budget for Abrams's film was a hundred and fifty million dollars, but it looked to me as it: some- where in Shanghai, the director ran out of cash. We are primed for Ethan's re- trieval of the Rabbit's Foot, but all we get is his spectacular arrival, not the theft itself: out he hops with the booty in his paw, and that's that. And the grand finale? A fistfight, after which somebody gets run over. Listen, if I want to see that kind of action, I don't go to Shanghai. I don't even go to the movies. I go to the South Bronx and stand outside a bar. Roll on the climax f " M . I V " . h . h h . o :1:, In w IC , rumor as It, Agent Hunt will stumble out of bed to feed the baby, trip over the stroller in the hall, and break his nose. . THE NEW YORKER IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF ADVANCE MAGAZINE PUBLISHERS INC., PUBLISHED THROUGH ITS DIVISION THE CONDÉ NAST PUBLICATIONS. COPYRIGHT <92006 THE CONDÉ NAST PUBLICATIONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A. Volume LXXXII, No. 13, May 15,2006. The New Yorker (ISSN 0028-792X) is published weekly (except for five combined issues: Jan. 23 & 30, Feb. 13 & 20, July 10 & 17, Aug. 7 & 14, Dec. 25 & Jan. 1) by The Condé Nast Publications, which is a division of Advance Magazine Publishers Inc. PRINCIPAL OFHCE: The Condé Nast Building, 4 Times Square, New York, NY 10036, Louis Cona, vice- president and publisher; Michael Hess, associate publisher; Hope Hening, executive director of strategic special projects; Alatia Bradley, advertising director; Jamie Engel, advertising director; Karen Quinn-Panzer, advertising director; Daniella Wells, executive director market- ing & strategic planning; Janine Silvera, executive director of creative services; Jacqueline Cinguina, director of integrated marketing; Judy Safir, director of finance and husiness operations; Edward Klaris, general counsel. Advance Magazine Publishers Inc.: S. I. Newhouse, Jr., chairman; Charles H. Townsend, president and C.E.O.; John W. Bellando, executive vice-president and c.o.o.; Jill Bright, executive vice- president-human resources; John Buese, executive vice-president hief information officer; David Odin, senior vice-president-strategic sourcing; Robert Bennis, senior vice-president-real estate; Maurie Perl, senior vice-president hief communications officer. Shared services provided by Advance Magazine Group: Steven T. Florio, Advance Magazine Group vice chairman; David B. Chemidlin, senior vice- president-general manager, shared services center. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY, and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Publications Mail Agreement No. 40644503. Canadian Goods and Services Tax Registration No. R123242885. Canada Post return undeliverahle Canadian addresses to: P.O. Box 874, Station Main, Markham, ON L3P 8L4. POSTMASTER: SEND ADDRESS CHANGES TO THE NEW YORKER, P.O. Box 37684, Boone, IA 50037-0684. FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS, ADDRESS CHANGES, ADJUSTMENTS, OR BACK ISSUE INQUIRIES: Please write to The New Yorker, P.O. Box 37684, Boone, IA 50037-0684; call (800) 825-2510; or e-mail subscriptions@newyorker.com. Four weeks are required for change of address. Please give both new and old address as printed on most recent label. First copy of new subscription will be mailed within four weeks of receipt of order. For advertising inquiries, please call Karen Quinn-Panzer at (212) 286-5465. For submission guidelines, please refer to our Web site, www.newyorker.com. Address all editorial, business, and production correspondence to The New Yorker, 4 Times Square, New York, NY 10036. For cover reprints, please call (800) 897-8666, or e-mail covers@cartoonbank.com. For Permissions and Reprint requests, please call (212) 286-8349 or fax requests to (212) 286-8628. To receive your issues without scent strips, please e-mail scentfree@newyorker.com. No part of this periodical may be reproduced without the consent of The New Yorker. The New Yorker's name and logo, and the various titles and headings herein, are trademarks of Advance Magazine Publishers Inc. Visit us online: www.newyorker.com. To subscribe to other Condé Nast magazines on the World Wide Web, visit www.condenet.com. Occasionally, we make our suhscriher list available to carefully screened companies that offer products and services that we believe would interest our readers. If you do not want to receive these offers and/or information by mail and/or e-mail, please advise us at P.O. Box 37684, Boone,IA 50037-0684 or call (800) 825-2510. THE NEW YORKER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RETURN OR LOSS OF, OR FOR DAMAGE OR ANY OTHER INJURY TO, UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS, UNSOLICITED ART WORK (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DRAWINGS, PHOTO- GRAPHS, AND TRANSPARENCIES), OR ANY OTHER UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. THOSE SUBMITTING MANUSCRIPTS, ART WORK, OR OTHER MATERIALS FOR CONSIDERATION SHOULD NOT SEND ORIGINALS, UNLESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED TO DO SO BY THE NEW YORKER IN WRITING. MANUSCRIPTS, ART WORK, AND OTHER MATERIALS SUB- MITTED MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE. J , I St. Lucia ....... ,"," ,, .. " .., ..... ..... " ....... " "' "" "....... .. '" " "' "'1\ ,,""" ... ..... ..... .......... .......... '\ " ""I '" '- ...., - :'f . . y ì J-9 66 -4737 · www.el ite isl a nds. cow. n II The3tertJ\ hi .com Up-to-date reviews, news, and tickets Broadway · Off-Broadway · Nationwide Over 510,000 members enjoy our theater discounts and special offers. JOIN FOR FREE AND YOU MAY WIN TICKETS TO A HIT SHOW! visit www.TheaterMania.com . - I - r --"EI ::;'M t; _, If ti ..:L' -:.;.. -r-u'í-'. ..1; -,-.. -...: . .." I&; .... <J.( RANQU LIT . RO E ADVENTURE ANSE CHASTANET RESORT. ST.lUCIA 1-800-223-1108 · www.ansechastanet.com AT BLACKWATER POND .')'U Mary Oliver 'l'Fk toll/I) reads Mary Oliver "'I Her first-ever recording $19.95 Audio CD Beacon Press. www.beacon,org COCKTAIL PIANO This is the kind of cocktail piano you might hear in Manhattan or high atop a hotel overlooking San Francisco Bay. Think of the Left Bank in Paris or of romantic Venice. 14 CDs in all. Cocktail Piano Vols. 1 to 9 each feature 17 to 20 great American standards, Show Tunes, Movie Themes, World War- n Love Songs, a 1970s Salute, and Christmas Piano. CDs $18.95 ea. incl. shipping in USA. Ask about our 5 pack discounts. To LISTEN: T IF (888) 388-1 555 To ORDER: T IF (888) 521-9330. Sound samples for all albums @ www.cocktailpiano.com 1111111111111111111111111111111 HI K MAL . To find out how small space ads can have a big impact on your business, visit www.newyorkersmallspace.com. or contact Kristi Adams, at 877-843-6967. THE NEW YORKER, MAY 15, 2006 93