Every child deserves a peaceful home. That’s the message from
the nonprofit ScreamFree
Institute. While attending their Parenting Leader training this month, I
recognized several principles as actions that always felt right as a parent.
I’ve listed five of my favorites.

1. Put on our own oxygen mask first

Just like the instructions we get on every flight, we must
take care of ourselves in order to help our children. NPR
recently aired a story about the stress that kids with parents in the military
go through. The parent or caregiver’s ability to stay well directly affected how
well the child was doing.

2. Be in control to be in charge

Every family experiences chaos from time to time. When we
stay calm as parents, our children know they can count on us. A UCLA
study on family stress recently demonstrated that calm parents create better
outcomes.

3. Let the consequences do the screaming

We need to let our children fail, for it is the only way we
let them learn. The natural consequences of their actions will teach them better
than any punishment. The consequences may be tough and hard for us to see them
go through, yet we can be there to support and help them build resilience.
Sometimes it’s not as bad as we think. As explained in a Psychology
Today blog, our kids are often less upset by outcomes than we are.

4. Extend space to kids

We need give our children as much control as safely possible
in their lives. If they don’t learn how to handle this control when they are
under our care, how will they handle it when they go out into the world?
According to a recent
study, parents who do too much controlling in their children’s lives tend to
end up with neurotic kids.

ScreamFree
Parenting by Hal Runkel offers great examples in understanding that
parenting is about us as parents, not about the kids. If we can handle our own
emotional reactions, our children will learn to handle theirs. Healthy parents
are indeed better parents.

“It's not only children
who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with
their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.” ~Joyce
Maynard