Monday, July 29, 2013

How do you stay married in this crazy world?

The Perfect Marriage
Marriage isn't about having the perfect relationship, it's about choosing to go through your life together, side by side, no matter what happens.

Avoiding Stress & Hassles
Think you can avoid stress, hassles, random accidents? Forget it! Life comes with only one guarantee - it is unpredictable. You cannot make yourself immune by hiding away. But how you handle these unpleasant times is up to you. Make it worse or make it easier, the ball is in your court.

Personal Issues
In any relationship there will arise issues that are yours alone - issues from your childhood, previous experiences you may be anxious not to repeat. It doesn't matter how many relationships you have, these issues will keep cropping up until you learn the life lesson you're meant to learn, whether it's about trust, healthy boundaries, saying 'no', keeping calm in a crisis, taming your perfectionist tendencies etc. So blaming your partner isn't going help. And moving on to another partner certainly won't make these personal issues go away either.

Bad Influences
There are so many bad influences upon modern marriage, sexual stereotypes in the media being the worst. Our expectations of a partner should not be determined by what some advertiser thinks will sell his/her product, but by what is meaningful to us, as human beings with needs and desires. So resist the influence of the gasping orgasms, trite platitudes and neat, happy endings. Be prepared to write your own relationship, with your own terms. Intimacy is what we all want. We want to feel loved and appreciated, accepted and proud of. No movie can teach you how to accomplish that because what you're experiencing is a day to day journey with a real person, who has their own agenda too. There are many wonderful books available about managing relationships. One of the best is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Seeking Help
If you get stuck, seeking help from a professional can open doors you thought were shut. It's well worth trying. Confiding in someone outside the relationship, who has an objective view, gives you the freedom to see your partner from a different, more helpful angle.

The Rewards
Spending your life with someone means there will be tough times, when you might feel betrayed, angry or saddened. You may feel that giving up is the only way forward. But you can work through this. Be honest about how you feel and accept your partner's honest feelings as fact too. Flexibility. Sympathy. Patience when you don't understand. Selflessness. These are the keys to a successful marriage, not demanding that your needs be met, like some screaming infant. If you are willing to work at it, the pay-off is a joyful, exciting, comforting and content life together.