"Like [Lee] Child, Rhoades dishes out one airtight action scene after another, mixing in just enough character-building moments and holding our interest in a full cast of nicely developed supporting players."-Booklist

"J.D. Rhoades kicks ass!"-J.A. Konrath

Sunday, December 18, 2011

I have plenty of gifts, because I have the most towering intellect and the farthest-reaching vision in America right now. Possibly in the entire universe. Tell you what, since I’m a guy with a lot of ideas, let me give back by sharing a few with you.

Note to staff from S. Claus: We need to make sure Newtie gets his meds adjusted.

Dear Santa:

We’re willing to give up Christmas presents this year if we can just borrow the elves to pick our crops. Since this crazy immigration law came in, all the Latinos left. The locals can’t stand a day of this kind of work. Plus, I figure the elves are built low to the ground so they don’t have to stoop over.

Note to staff from S. Claus: They get coal in their stockings this year.

Note from staff: OK, but they already own most of it.

Dear Santa:

Can you bring me some more pepper spray? I’m all out, and I keep seeing people sitting down. They’re all over the place. There’s just something about people peacefully sitting down that really makes me want to give them a face full of the old pepper.

— Love, Lt. John Pike, UC-Davis campus police.

Note to staff from S. Claus: Coal.

Note from staff: Already on it, boss.

Dear Santa:

Both Newt Gingrich and I once supported an individual health insurance mandate and cap-and-trade legislation. Now, I have to convince Republican voters that those things are dangerous socialism. What I need for you is to give ­everyone in the country amnesia.

Oh, and while we’re at it, the next time I sit down next to some old white guy at a diner for what looks like a surefire photo op, can you make sure he’s not a gay war veteran who proceeds to hand me my head on a platter in front of everyone? Thanks.

— Love, Mitt

Note from staff: We should probably hold off on gifts for Mitt, boss. He keeps changing the list.

Dear Santa:

We want the influence of money out of politics. We want regulations to reform the banking system, like restoring the law separating investment banks from commercial and savings banks, so that crazy investments don’t take your savings with them when they fail.

We want investigation and prosecution of Wall Street financial fraud. We want to do away with the law that regards corporations as “people.” We want lobbyists to stop being the ones to draft legislation that benefits the industry they’re lobbying for. Thanks.

— Sincerely, the Occupy movement

Note to staff from S. Claus: Wait, what? All I keep hearing is that these people don’t know what they want.

Note from staff: That’s what the media want you to think. They’re owned by big corporations, remember?

About Me

My new Jack Keller novel, DEVILS AND DUST, is on sale now!.The first three in the series, THE DEVIL'S RIGHT HAND, GOOD DAY IN HELL, and SAFE AND SOUND, are also available from Polis as e-books, either individually or in a special "box set".
I also write the Tony Wolf/Tim Buckthorn series: BREAKING COVER and the self-published BROKEN SHIELD.
My e-published novels are GALLOWS POLE; LAWYERS, GUNS AND MONEY; and STORM SURGE. I write science fiction and fantasy under the name of J.D. Nixx. My first book under that name is MONSTER; NIGHTRIDER'S VENGEANCE. All the e-books are available now at Amazon.
In my day job, I practice law in a small town in North Carolina. My family and friends call me Dusty.

J.D. RHOADES E-BOOKS

If you own an e-book reader, and you'd like to check out JD Rhoades' work, or if you're already a JD Rhoades fan, get BROKEN SHIELD, my latest e-published novel, for $2.99. It's the sequel to my Kindle Bestseller BREAKING COVER.