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Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday, September 29, 2008

For some reason canine cakes seem to be all the rage these days, particularly in grocery-store bakeries. Now, I don't want to get down on these decorators too much, considering that a) they are usually over-worked and under-trained, and b) they outnumber me significantly. That said, you'd think that whoever was in charge of this kind of thing would have known that these doggy designs were a little, shall we say, beyond this group's collective skill set?

For example, here's the picture you order from:

And here's what you get:

Niiice. See, you can tell it's the exact same cake you ordered, 'cuz it has that red loopy bow sticking out of its head. I particularly like the oozing eye. Plus, that red "collar" looks a lot more like a gushing cranial wound - ditto for the "tongue".

I guess this one's a little better:

But it still looks more like a dirty mop-head with a face drawn on than a dog. Where are the legs? The ears? The neck? Also, if you're going to have a cake like this, why oh why would you stick candles in the poor pooch's back? He looks like he's been the target of sky-diving archers.

Also in vogue are the tiny cupcake pups, ala Miss Love-You-1.000-Time. These are already wrecktastic in concept, given that there are only 2 cupcakes underneath the deluge of frosting, but the execution just makes 'em that much better. Check back tomorrow for those; this post is officially "to be continued"!

Oh, how I look forward to your witty banter every morning. I looked at the first picture, and while I didn't like it all that much, thought it wasn't a bad rendition of a dog. Then I saw what the cakes actually looked like (and of course, your description of them) and I had to cup my hand over my mouth as I laughed out loud in my cubicle!

OK, that first one there looks like the poor pup is vomiting the words 'Happy Birthday' in blood. That is one unhealthy pooch! The second one? Well, if you're a cake decorator, and it's going that badly, why, oh why, would you bust out the air brush!!! Oh LORD! Just so you know, viewing the daily wreck has become an event for my entire laboratory! Science breaks for Cake Wrecks! Great blog!

These remind me of one of my fave childhood movies, The Wizard of Oz. No, not because they remind me of Toto. When I saw them I distinctly heard a cackly voice going, "Ahhhh, look what you've done, I'm melting, ahhhhh"

When I scrolled down to the wreck, I thought it was a cat, and thought they totally had it so wrong. Well, they did. I know I am rather judgmental on these types of cakes even if well executed; I just don't think I like cakes to try to look like the real thing they are depicting. Cartoon dogs, okay; realistic, not okay.

I've got to say the original dog cake kind of freaks me out too just because the hair looks so...hair like? I have no urge to eat a fuzzy cake.But yeah that third cake looks EXACTLY like the nasty old kitchen mop I found left in one of the apartments I lived in in college. Same shade of gray, same dubious contents.

I don't think these are all that bad as renditions of the "model." Not great, but only just barely wrecks. Especially if you give the first one the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't have an airbrush there -- the plain brown icing was a better option than trying to match the airbrushed version in that case. And its shape and fur texture are better than on the second one. The eyes are scary though.

Really I think the source of the problem with these is the model. It just isn't a very attractive cake to begin with, so even well-done copies are guaranteed not to be too attractive.

And the bow bothers me because it's probably on a pick. It is too reminiscent of... you know, I'm not even going there. Instead I'll go the second place it reminds me of, which is the alien-ice-pick-killings in The X-Files. Not an image I want in the cake context.

I think this is halarious!!! The doggy cake picture that you ordered from was really good. I don't see how you could expect anyone to make it that way anyways. You are right in the fact that the red collar and the tounge look like ozing wombs. This blog is so funny. Good descritions!

I can't bear to think of eating any cake that looks like an animal. There have been so many times that I have been jonesing for a cupcake but all they have are cupcakes with dog heads on them. It is a major turn-off.

You really have a knack for description. I sit at work and read your blog, and crack up, and people walk by and are like, why are you laughing at pictures of cakes?

Normally you notice all the tiny details that go into the complete wreckitude of a cake, but methinks you missed something in the first one. That, or someone changed the spelling of "birthday" without telling me :).

Ugh. I bought one of the puppy cupcakes for my kids from the grocery store. Covered in frosting, but the left the paper on the cupcake!!! My kid totally bit into it, and why wouldn't she? It was covered in frosting!

You know, I recently saw an episode of Ace of Cakes where Chef Duff and friends had been contracted to make a cake of the client's Dachshound (sp?) on a hot dog bun with hot dog condiments on it (mustard, relish, etc.). I thought it was a truly unappetizing idea for a cake, but I had to admit that as much as I wouldn't want a piece, they did a good job with it. Thankfully, they made it a little cartoony, too, so that it didn't really look like 'hey, we're eating our friend's dog with mustard.'

All in all, I thought it was the cake I'd least want to eat in the world...until I saw these poor, pathetic pups.

This isn't really specific, but a friend of mine introduced me to your blog and I LOVE IT! Now when I go grocery shopping I always make my way over to the bakery counter HOPING that there is some godawful tumor of a cake waiting to be photographed and emailed to you by me. Keep up the good work.

New to the blog - love it! I agree with other posters; the *original* cake is hideous enough, why would you even want to reproduce it? Maybe you need a new category: "Good" Cake Originals. (You could even include those "good" CCCs haha).

In all honesty, these dog cakes are hard! I don't think I'm ready to do one yet. That being said, I KNOW I can't do one and would never agree to it to begin with. Maybe these bakeries need to learn the same.

Okay, that is really sad! Who would think those were even CLOSE to the original??? Looks like they just plopped a whole lotta icing over a mound of cake. What in the world?? lol You call those dogs?? hehehe

I loooove the site..but today I am a little disappointed! I am a little skeptical that the first wreck really was ordered from that first poochy..the tag? on the cake says something bear! Plus the claws look a little bearish. what do you think?

Yes, the tag does say "Moma Bear", but that doesn't look like any bear I ever saw, any more than it looks like a dog. And I agree, eating a good or bad rendition of a dog doesn't seem appetizing to me. Wreck in concept and execution.I don't get anonymous @ 5:30, "disappointment" seems unwarranted. Those cakes are wrecks regardless of what the "model" was.

I'm kind of against the idea of cake being too realistic looking in the first place, which is why a semi-realistic dog does not appeal to me.

But what gets me laughing is that the first "replica" was actually given to someone. Like, the person who ordered saw the original and they were expecting... not a pile of frosting oozing out of every conceivable shape... yikes. And what would the conversation have been like?

"Yeah, I know you ordered this out of the picture book, but this is what it's really supposed to look like."

I am aware that I am a horrible, horrible person, but my first thought when I saw that first dog wreck was "Did someone throw up on the plate?" And now I have images from "A Child Called It" in my head. Thanks a lot.

I can't imagine why a grocery store would use a picture of a cake that even a well-trained, experienced baker would have trouble duplicating. On the other hand, I don't know why anyone would order this cake from a grocery store (or ANY cake from a grocery store) and expect it to look like the picture.

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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