the girl who obsessively loves everything.

It’s been a crazy few weeks (and a few more crazies to come), but I wanted to pop in and say that I haven’t forgotten about this place. I swear. I’ve really dropped the ball on this blog in the last few months, but I swearrrrrr I’m working on a plan of attack so I can get back to writing regularly!

I’ll be heading off to BookCon Chicago in a little over a week, and you can bet I’ll be bringing back lots of stories, photos, hauls, recaps… the whole shebang.

But mostly, I want to say “hey, sorry I missed an entire month” but if you’ll just wait a while, I’ll be back soon!!

HELLO THERE!

I haven’t had much time for writing lately, but I wanted to pop in with a real quick update & some announcements that I’m super excited about & hopefully bring some fun changes around here (and maybe a little more consistency!).

1. I’ve started a Booktube Channel!!

I’m so excited to announce that I launched my Booktube channel over the weekend. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but the perfectionist in me kept putting it off until I could have the perfect filming spot in my house, or better equipment, or excuse after excuse, and I’ve finally decided to just start & tweak things as I go! My first video is up and is the Booktube Newbie Tag, which is a great introduction to the kind of videos you’re going to see on my channel.

2. I’m starting a new job!!!

I’ve been offered a new position with a local company, which I’ll be starting on April 25th! I’m so excited for this change and all the opportunity it could bring, but that means that for the next couple weeks I’ll probably still be MIA around here. No worries, though! Once I settle into my new routines, I should have even MORE time to focus on writing and I can get back into posting some regular content here! I have so many things I want to talk about here, it’s just a matter of getting myself organized so I can dedicate time to all these things I love!

3. April Re-read-athon

I’m making April a re-read-athon month, since SO many great books are coming out in the beginning of May & I wanted to revisit each of these series before picking up the new installments. I’m actually going to be posting my Q1 wrap-up video either tonight or tomorrow, which will talk a little more about this 🙂

4. AdultBooklr April Read-alongs

Our theme for April is Page-to-Screen, and the people have voted to read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (luckily this fits into my re-read-athon!) and Sandman, vol. 1 for the AdultBooklr read-alongs this month! If you want to join us, all you need to do is pick up one or both of the books, and follow the tags #abperegrine and #absandman!

Fair warning: this is going to be an ode to a book. If you’re not about that life, you’ll probably want to click away from this page right now.

As I am writing this, I literally finished reading I’ll Give You The Sun approximately 15 minutes ago. Everything is fresh. Everything is vivid. This book… it’s like Jandy Nelson took a chunk of my soul and formed it into a story. That’s not to say that it’s about my life; I’ve never experienced really anything that happens in this book. But I felt it – deeply and powerfully.

As you can see, by 5% of the way through the book, I was sold. The first chapter is like a breath of fresh air, with a character I could see myself in, but in a more metaphorical way than I ever have before. Everything about this book – the narration, the structure, the descriptions, and the plot itself – is a work of art. But it is laugh-out-loud funny, too, which completely caught me off guard! I knew it was going to be poignant. I knew it was going to be powerful. A number of people had recommended it to me over the last few months, so I knew it was going to be good. But I had no idea it was going to essentially become a part of me.

You know how there are some books that get hyped and hyped and hyped and you’re SO excited to read them, and then you do and it’s just… meh? I was afraid that was going to happen here. After SO many recs, I honestly didn’t expect much. I kept putting it off because of this. But at the same time, it feels as though this week was probably the most perfect time for me to read a work of art. Honestly, that’s a story for a different day. Maybe this will be a two-part ode… but I really needed it this week.

So, the synopsis for the book, as found on Goodreads and Amazon goes something like this:

Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life. The early years are Noah’s story to tell. The later years are Jude’s. What the twins don’t realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.

And, yeah, that’s kind of what it’s about, but it also barely scratches the surface. I understand why it’s written this way – and I honestly don’t want to say much more about the plot for fear of killing some of the reveals – but seriously, people. Not even close.

First of all, there’s Noah. Noah is the cinnamon-rolliest cinnamon roll to ever roll cinnamons. Fact. He sees the world through an artist’s eyes, and consistently emotes using titles of hypothetical paintings as a prominent part of his inner monologue. Let me tell you, I could always see the painting in my head. Noah resonated with me in the very core of my being. I’ve never loved a fictional character more.

Jude, on the other hand, I struggled with. But only in chapter 1, which is told from Noah’s point of view. To be fair, they’re both pubescent in chapter 1. Age 13 isn’t easy for anyone. Especially girls. By the time we get to 16-year-old Jude’s point of view in chapter 2, everything changes. She’s no longer the normal, popular, flirtatious girl we met in chapter 1, and so begins the unraveling of the true story.

IGYTS contains more passion, heartbreak, honesty, and hope than any work of fiction I have ever experienced. It took me 3 days to read. I could have done it in one sitting if I could have A) kept my emotions in check and B) read it consistently without stopping on every page to talk to somebody about something that just happened. No joke. This is a thing I did. I’d say I talked (in person) to or messaged a total of 15 different people during the course of the last three days. All to talk about this book. And only maybe 3 of them had read it before. Basically, I am pushing this book on everyone I know. Shamelessly.

So, please. If you’re looking for something that will touch your heart and make you squee with joy, pick up this book. If you want something to help deal with pain, pick up this book. If you want something that will just make you see the beauty in the world, pick up this book. It’s actually less than $7 on Amazonright now *wink wink*

As if I even need to include this, my final rating for
I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson:

Duh.

Until Next Time ❤

UPDATE (20 minutes later): Apologies for the utter word-vomit that is this review. I had some feels and I had to get them out. If you don’t understand, then you have no soul.

I’m so late with this (thus, the white rabbit reference…har har). And with everything. You may have noticed that I took a nice little hiatus for the beginning of the year. You may have wondered whether I was ever coming back. You may have felt abandoned, or scared. If you felt those things, I apologize. I am here now, and though my posting schedule may be a little light as I try to get back into a routine of writing, I am so happy to be here!

You know what came and went while I was taking a life break?

My Blogiversary!

That’s right, folks. It has been 1 year since I decided I wanted to blabber into the void of the internet (well, 1 year and some change since my first post was February 10, 2015). I must say, I never expected that one little blog could change my life so much in only 365 days.

Let’s take a quick look back! I made a fun infographic because I honestly don’t have that many stats to review, soooo pretty things help, right?

On top of my posting here, I also started my Tumblr blog, which led into the creation of AdultBooklr, which is where I spent the majority of the last half of 2015! I can’t believe how many incredible people I have met through this community – and really, it’s only going to grow this year! Most of the last 2 months (when I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity) was spent working on a complete overhaul of AdultBooklr.

We’re working on branding, posting schedules, community engagement procedures, and so much more – I can’t wait to implement everything, but it’s so hard to find time for such large projects amongst everything else!

Rest assured, once we’re ready, I’ll be shouting it from the rooftops!

As for this blog, my goals for YEAR 2 involve more personal/creative writing and to review at least 1 of every 5 books I read (I’m already behind on this goal…oops).

I can’t thank you enough for coming along on this ride with me. I might not have the most readers of any blog out there, but the ones I do have have been so supportive & awesome to get to know. I LOVE YOU, and I can’t wait to see what this year brings!

So I’m going to start getting a little more personal on this blog, and I’ve started with a highly personal examination of my current state of mental health (posted below). These posts are going to remain password protected, but the password will always be the same for those who know me enough to have this information. My blog post password is my snapchat username. If you have this, please feel free to unlock & read these posts (and if you don’t, feel free to ask for it…I will gladly provide the password on an individual basis). I feel that anyone I can send ridiculous snaps to probably knows me well enough to read my more private thoughts, if they wish to.

Anxiety is something I deal with on a daily basis. Every single day. Even if it doesn’t look like I’m experiencing anxiety; even if I’m acting completely at ease & relaxed, it’s there. In the back of my mind, just trying to convince me that I’ve done something wrong or will do something wrong or at the very least will make a fool of myself. Every day. Sometimes it’s even over things that are 100% out of my control – anxiety over being attacked or in a car accident or even contracting some ridiculous illness. Logically, I know the odds of these events occurring are minimal. But that doesn’t stop the anxiety. It doesn’t stop my heart from racing and my chest from tightening at the slightest flicker of something gone wrong. Then the panic sets in & the tears start flowing, and even though I still KNOW deep down that whatever has triggered this attack is complete & utter bullshit – I am helpless to stop it. Helpless to control it. So I just have to wait for it to pass. Every. Single. Day.

You get used to it, I suppose. The anxiety. You learn the personal effectiveness of basically every home remedy for a panic attack – for me the effective ones are: hot baths, great music, fluffy kittens, cheesy rom-coms, getting lost in a good book, connecting with another person, and sometimes even cleaning. Feeling in control is a great way to ease an anxiety attack. And I feel surprisingly in control of my surroundings – and life – when I clean or organize something. Like I said, you kind of get used to it. And of course medication is a completely viable method of controlling one’s anxieties – I personally don’t feel comfortable with mood stabilizers/antidepressants/etc…, so I’ll avoid that at any cost, but I know they really do help a lot of people.

Depression, on the other hand, is a completely different beast. It’s debilitating and physically painful and just plain devastating. And that, my friends, is the boat I’m in today. Even as I’m writing this, the physical pain caused by this depression – the worst it’s been in over 10 years – is practically suffocating me. The disassociation & derealization I’m experiencing is so surreal that I’m losing entire parts of my day without realizing it until much later. I’m walking through a fog somewhere between feeling like everything is falling apart & also kind of not caring. Except I do. I know I care, somewhere deep inside of me, I care. Obviously. I wouldn’t be writing all of this if I didn’t fucking care.

The problem with depression is that it is much, much more difficult to manage on your own than anxiety. Sure, those same remedies I listed above can help slightly if my mood drops too far, but depression is far more than just feeling sad. You can’t cheer someone up from depression. Usually, it requires medication to balance your hormones or some shit. Or at the very least, professional therapy – but still usually a little medication. And that scares the ever-living shit out of me. The human brain is still such an incredible mystery. Medicating mental illnesses is usually just a “let’s try this & see what happens” kind of thing. It’s 2016 and with all the medical advancements we’ve seen, treating mental illness is so fucking unscientific it’s astonishing. And one time in high school, we tried something that didn’t work. It backfired. I had the scariest week of my life because for the first time ever, I actually wanted to kill myself.

I was lucky that somehow through the haze I understood that I didn’t ACTUALLY want to kill myself and I told my mom, who got me the additional help I needed; but I do know that I never want to take the risk of feeling that way again. I can’t even tell my mom what I’m going through right now because every time my depression resurfaces she gets terrified & thinks I’m going to hurt myself. I’m not. I most definitely am not going to hurt myself, physically. But it’d be very easy for me to screw up pretty much every other part my life right now. Again, I’m not. I’m fighting like hell to get myself out of this on my own. But how?

Well, this random-ass blog post, for one. Writing this is a means of expressing my experience coherently, seeing as every time I try to talk about it aloud I turn into a blubbering mess, unable to form complete sentences with real words. We are over 750 words into this ramble-fest, and the weight on my shoulders is noticeably lighter. My body feels more alert. I guess it’s working?

I think it’s really important to understand what your personal triggers are when it comes to depression. Not every depression is caused by a trigger, but it is common to have one or two specific things that really jump-start a depression & fuel the fire. For me? Chaos. And under-appreciation. The instant I feel like I don’t have a solid grip on my life, I can feel the spark of depression just ready to burst into flames. It’s like clockwork. Every time. And, ok. NOBODY has a solid grip on their life 100% of the time. It just doesn’t happen. Life is full of bullshit & curveballs and nobody, nobody, NOBODY can escape that fact. My anxiety & OCD-riddled brain, though, refuses to accept that life can be anything other than what I want it to be. It refuses to accept that anything can be outside of my own control, and when something goes wrong it essentially throws a tantrum and blows every possible fuse (those of you who have seen The Force Awakens, may have a nice visual to go along with this metaphor) and shuts down.

The under-appreciation trigger is actually something I very recently realized. I just finished reading Patrick Ness’s “The Rest of Us Just Live Here” over the weekend, and the protagonist, Mikey, is perhaps the most personally identifiable character I’ve ever read. Mikey suffers from Anxiety & OCD, although his primary concern is the OCD, whereas my OCD is pretty mild & has never really affected my life in any measurable way. But regardless of what the illness is, it’s easy to see myself in Mikey’s character. I’m probably going to write a full review of this book, because it was very important to me – one of those books that finds you at just the right point in your life & makes a genuine impact. But anyway, one theme throughout the book is that Mikey feels like a burden to his friends and constantly feels like the least-wanted person in the room. And holy shit if fireworks didn’t go off in my brain when I read that – like the epiphany of the century. I, too, feel this way. In damn near every social circle I belong to. And I always have.

This really has nothing to do with the way people treat me, or whether or not I’m ACTUALLY unwanted in any of my social circles (I’m sure I’m wanted more in some than others, and that’s fine – just the way things go), it’s all about my perception. I’m perceiving that people don’t want me around or don’t find my contributions valuable or just plain & simple don’t need me. And to me, that is devastating. My social needs/ habits are actually highly complex. Annoyingly so. I am 100% an ambivert (smack in the middle on the introvert/extrovert spectrum), and that makes everything complicated as hell. My willingness/desire to socialize fluctuates by the day. Some days I’ll want to be around every human I know, and I’ll be the ultimate social butterfly – and some days I won’t even be able to tolerate being in the same room as my own child. Does that sound terrible? Probably, but I’m trying to be honest here. Now, obviously both of those extremes are highly rare. Usually I’m somewhere in the middle of those things & willing to socialize, but not really interested in putting forth any effort to make it happen. And then weeks go by with me like that & nobody is reaching out to me to make plans, and boom. All of the sudden I feel like the weak link, the one standing in the way, the one who needs her friends more than they need her. And that is certainly a recipe for emotional disaster.

So, this is about as far as I’ve been able to analyze my own mental health so far. From here I really need to figure out how to address my two primary triggers. I’m pretty confident that if I can get my life under more control and recognize that my friends are my friends because they WANT to be & not because they feel obligated to be, maybe I can beat this thing without medication? I certainly hope so. And if not, then I suppose I will bite the bullet and seek professional help. It’s not fair to my family or friends for me to be this constant weight just because I refuse to seek the treatment I need out of fear.

If you have read this whole blabbering mess, thank you. You clearly care what I’m dealing with & that alone shows me that I’m not unwanted. I want everyone to understand that even though I’m feeling hopeless, helpless, miserable, and a thousand other things right now, I’m in no way giving up. I have zero desire to remain this way for long. But even though my words are tough right now, I still might slip farther into this abyss before I’m able to climb back out. Maybe not, but it is a possibility. I might be cranky, and I might cry for no reason, and I might be a complete & total downer. I might have days where I’m physically unable to get out of bed, and I might have days where everything is just awful, including my ability to behave like a functioning member of society. So I’m going to apologize right now for all of that & pray that it doesn’t push you away. Because I need you. And I’m grateful for you. And I’m going to make myself better. For you. But also for me.

Well, I’ve been meaning to post my full review of Passion Planner for MONTHS, but clearly I suck. You know what I’m gonna do to make up for it? I’m gonna give one away! Actually, let’s make that TWO 🙂 Just in time for 2016 planning, right?

Before we get to the giveaway, though, I realize you may not be familiar with Passion Planner – although if you’ve followed me for any length of time or talked to me on any platform, I’ve probably given you the schpeel by now – so let me enlighten you.

I discovered Passion Planner earlier this year, while trying to get myself organized between the blog, AdultBooklr, work, family, socializing, etc. I was hunting hard for a multi-functional tool that had space for meal-planning and a blog content calendar, among a zillion other things. Everything I found either came up way, way short, or cost way more than I could ever justify spending on a day planner. Until that fateful day when the heavens opened & Passion Planner came into my life (cue angelic background music & weird shimmery spotlight).

The planner comes in two sizes – Classic & Compact. I started out using the Classic, which was a great size for all the things I needed to plan, but kind of cumbersome to carry around & leave out on my desk all day. So when it came time to order my new 2016 planner, I went with the Compact, which I feel is the better size for the majority of the general population. Both planners in this giveaway will be the Compact size (5×7″).

Here’s a great example of how you can use the monthly planner pages. You get your full monthly calendar, a section for projects & goals, and a blank space for whatever you want/need. Over on the left, you have sections to help keep yourself on track.

Here’s a couple different looks at the weekly planner sheets. You get SO much functionality in these pages. There’s a weekly focus, daily focus above each day, schedule, to-do lists for both personal & work items, and a huge block of blank space for whatever you wanna use it for (like cute doodles). And then, of course, over on the left you have some inspirational/motivational quotes as well as a section to track all the good things that happened throughout the week.

Alright, so that’s all pretty awesome, right? But it’s not even the best part of this planner (in my opinion, at least). The beauty of Passion Planner is that it does just that – helps you chase your passions. It’s like a life coach that’s teaching you to be your OWN life coach.

The very first pages of the planner are all about mapping out your plan. What are your goals? How can you achieve them? You’re creating miniature, actionable goals for yourself, which all have one major endgame: whatever you want. There is no shortage of encouraging words or invaluable life lessons. This planner will become your guru, and you’ll see changes in your life that you never dreamed possible. But, of course, you have to USE it.

BONUS FEATURES:

Blank lined note paper & graph paper sheets towards the back of the planner are wide open to be filled with your thoughts, plans, journaling, priceless works of art, or random thoughtless doodles.

*Disclaimer: my blog and this giveaway are in no way sponsored by Passion Planner. The prizes for this giveaway were obtained through the company’s referral program, “Refer 3, Get One Free”. All images for this giveaway are directly from the Passion Planner Blog. Due to shipping restrictions, this giveaway is open only to U.S. residents. Winners will be contacted within 48 hours to provide shipping information for the giveaway. If no response is received 48 hours after initial contact is made, a new winner will be selected.

Oh. My. Gourd. You guys. These last couple months have been a total ride. I just wanted to pop in with a few major life updates & some proclamations, because dammit somebody needs to keep me accountable!

New Adventures

First of all, I’m so excited to announce that after nearly a year of contemplation, I have taken the plunge to become a Stella & Dot Independent Stylist! If you don’t know what Stella & Dot is, it is a direct-sales jewelry & accessories company with HELLA cute pieces that I seriously cannot get enough of.

I have been such a fan of every. single. collection Stella & Dot has put out over the last year, and I finally just swallowed my fear about direct sales & decided to go for it! It’s been about a week since I signed up, and I’m already so grateful that I didn’t let my hesitations hold me back (for once). This is going to be awesome. Seriously, look at these beauties!

Now, you might think that this is going to drastically change the content of my blog? My intention is that it absolutely will not. I love blogging about my life, books, and fandoms. This will continue to be the place for that. Of course, my selfies will likely start featuring more jewelry than the absolutely zero I currently own – and I’m going to put up a banner to my website over in the sidebar – but the biggest change this is going to bring is an opportunity for fun jewelry giveaways! Can’t complain about that, right? RIGHT?

Anyway, most of my updates are going to be found on my Facebook page, which you should most certainly go & like, to keep up on things!

Speaking of Giveaways…

I’ve got a great giveaway coming your way in December! Just gotta get the post written up & published – hopefully you’ll be seeing that on the first! I’ll give you a hint. It’s something I was TRULY obsessed with this year & I am SO. EXCITED. to be giving it away!

TBR Pile

So, I’ve paced down since September, which I’m convinced was a total fluke with the number of books I read. Obviously, in October I only read 2 books. and so far this month I’ve only read HALF of ONE (and 2/3 of an audiobook). I’m hoping having some good time off from work for Thanksgiving next week helps me get back into a groove, because I really loved the feeling of accomplishment I had at the end of September! My end-of-2015 TBR goes as-follows:

November

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (currently reading)

You’re Never Weird on the Internet by Felicia Day (currently listening)

Nimona

The Wrath & The Dawn by Renee Ahdieh

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

Sons of Thestian by ME Vaughan

——

December

Noughts & Crosses by Malorie Blackman

Bitch Planet vol. 1 by Kelly Sue DeConnick

Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Uprooted by Naomi Novik

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (re-read)

My True Love Gave to Me by Various

Realistically, I realize I’m definitely not going to read all of these by the end of the year. But it makes me feel good to be overly ambitious.

Book Club

If you have been keeping up, you may have noticed that we have kind of scaled down the hype around AdultBooklr over the last couple months. Lots of our members & admins went back to school & we just haven’t had the time to implement many of the features we’ve been wanting to try out. We’ll get there, though. It’s just going to take one really good planning pow-wow, and we’ll have a 2016 gameplan to knock your socks off! 🙂

Planning

Speaking of PLANNING, have you seen the limited edition 2016 Passion Planners? If you haven’t seen the Kickstarter campaign, you are seriously missing out. They are perfect & you can still get your hands on one through the end of this weekend! Just check out the Campaign & know that any money you spend with this company is going to be used to help people.

Super-DUPER Secret Project

Lastly, ba-ba-BAAAAA!! I want to announce that I’ve got a collaborative, super-secret project in the works. Unfortunately, I can’t say more than that right now, but there should be a sneak peek available for you by early January (fingers crossed) so STAY TUNED, lovers!

What have you all been up to lately? I’ve been so out of the blogging loop! Let’s touch base, please! 🙂

Until Next Time ❤

Allow me to begin this post with a big ol’ WOMP-WOMP-WOMP. Not only have I completely neglected my poor blog this month, but also my reading list! I only read TWO books this month, and one of them was even a re-read. What a disgrace! Hahaha I’m only joking. Sometimes things are more important than blogging and/or reading (gasp!) and for me, those things include Halloween!

I had such a great Halloween! Hoping to get a post up about our night & our costumes soon! Tutorials to follow, because I’ll have to make those from scratch again.

Anyway, the two books I read in November:

Yeah, that’s it. Those are my two! Hopefully I can get myself back on track for November (even though I’m actually 1 ahead of schedule on my Goodreads challenge). We’ll see!!

What did you read in October? What are you looking forward to in November? You know I’m always adding to my TBR & would love some more titles on it!

I likely won’t be back tomorrow, since I’m taking a 3-day weekend, but I’ll do better next week. I miss you, blog!

Anyway, I have a question for you. I’m working on some last-minute finishes for my Halloween costume & I’m wondering – am I too late to post tutorials on this look? I mean, had I been more proactive (and not decided on my costume 3 weeks ago), I could have had some awesome tutorials for you guys! Now I feel like I really dropped the ball & I’m kind of beating myself up over it?

But true fans don’t just cosplay on Halloween, so I’m not too late, right? Tell me I’m not too late!

You know what? It’s my blog. I’ll post what I want, when I want. So expect some cosplay tutorials next week! If I can get off my ass & actually write stuff. Did I ever share what my costume is gonna be? I can’t remember. Well, if I haven’t yet I’m not going to do it now! You’ll just have to wait and see!

Side note: NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday, you guys! I’ve never participated, but who knows? Maybe by the end of November I’ll have something to share with y’all?

PS – Don’t be a stranger! Leave me a comment so I can say thanks for reading! ❤

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#introductions

Hi! I'm Christa & I'm obsessed with pretty much everything. I love learning about new things & geeking out over life. I dream of vampires & unicorns. I have a storm trooper tattoo and a reading list that will last me the rest of my life. Also, I can't stop buying makeup. Let's be friends!