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Thanks Heidi and Deb. I can feel that hug. Thanks. Deb, I really like your signature line.

I'm so nervous today and fighting it best I can but ugh, i'm so nervous about my pcp appt today. I wonder if what they used to knock me out for the EGD is messing with me. This is extra nervousness...I've eaten a lot of junk food today and my fingernails are looking good too!

I've got my pcp appt later today. The last time I saw her she was defensive about a few things she had no reason to be defensive about....was nothing like herself at all. she let me know she's going thorugh a divorce so i certainly let it slide but it was the kind of appt that made me worry too and it's making me worry about this one today. i'm really gun shy after the egd with the gi doc and don't know what to expect today with my pcp. i've been worrying about her too. She's a nice person. Cares about people and works hard to help others. Goes that extra mile, ya know? She lets her nurses push her around though. But when they push the patients around, she will find little ways not to let them, soft ways but she still lets them know that's not nice. i hope the divorce isn't going to affect her practice because she's an awesome doctor and we really need her...our area is hurting so bad for good doctors.

I don't know whether to ask how are you or not when I first see her today...she was so touchy last time, bless her heart.

Hubby and i have to pick out a marriage counselor. i'm worn out and have run out of ideas. he doesn't know what to do either but we do know we don't want to call it quits. we do love each other but we need some help so...

it's a long story, but counseling sounds good and hubby is picking that one out so...maybe he's better at picking that out than I am. i worry about it some because you can pick out a bad one that will, like doctors, make the situation much worse so...

something i've yet to share with ya'll...we've been having problems with my oldest son for a while...he's turning 20 next week. the deal was just try to find a job or he'd have to move out. we waited a long time and ...he ended up going to live with his grandma, my mother in law...and it's been an emotional roller coaster and just won't stop. so some family counseling may be coming too. I don't know. He has corks in his ears and they're in there pretty deep too. he's always been the type that if he doesn't want to do something you can't make him do it for nothing. he'll dig his heels in and stay put. he was given a time limit on just trying to get on the ball and he sabotaged himself, wouldn't even apologize, was asked to leave, and moved in with grandma. he hates it there but he's still not looking for a job. My heart is still broken and it just won't mend and I miss my baby boy. I always thought maybe he'd grow out of that and did everything I could, read every book I could get my hands on, had him tested by the professionals, yada yada yada...

and there are some other unlovely things going on too that are in the mix of emotions which I'm sure are making my health much worse. If it would just stay quiet for a while though, I do believe I could at least get my bearings you know and feel a little better...so please keep praying and putting those good thoughts this way... I think if things would just improve a little with my marriage and my son I'd feel ten times better.

i have a homemade sweet potato pie to make for my daughter's bday today... that's what she asked for. I'm thankful i can do that today. i guess the fall weather and her craving for thanksgiving prompted that request. She received a little bday money from relatives. she's been having such a good time with the puppy that hubby got me for my bday. lol. they've learned this little game they play together hiding from each other and it's just hilarious. i'm thankful for my gal and the happy distractions we get and i'm thankful for my family here at WHL. Thanks. It means a lot to have ya'll here to talk to. I've got family and friends here around me but they don't know what it's like or don't want to know, you know? And I'm just too sick for my friends. I've not been a healthy gal much my whole life, but the past couple of years I've been going downhill so bad and it's showing me who my real friends and family are. Thanks for being here. It's just a matter of hanging in there, I know... it's just there are times when it's really hard to hang on. You get tired of waiting when you wait a long time and it's hard to rest when people won't leave you alone. Yesterday was such a doozy around the house. I gave up trying and just bawled. Strangely, when I dragged my tired body to town to run a few errands, I got more peace and ran into the nicest people. It wore my body out further, but did my mind good.

Pcp appt went well. Doc is healing thankfully and was healing to me. Told me to stay away from that GI doc and suggested another one but if it can wait to put that need on the back burner until I see the rheumy next year and see what she says. I'm very thankful that visit went well. I really needed a good doctor visit and to be treated like a human being instead of just a name on a chart. I was running a little hot but she said it was from inflammation and not a fever.

The sweet potato pie turned out good, whew, so i am very glad of that. Amber, my daughter, had pie and chocolate chip ice cream, and a very small bday but she was happy. she got a little spending money from her grandma and took it to the mall.

Tomorrow puppy goes to the vet and won't be back till wednesday afternoon and i'm really worried.

hubby and i have a talk with our son this week and i'm really dreading it. my mother in law is trying to come attached with the situation in a nasty unproductive way and ...

and some of you know about this, but most of you don't, but i have some people in my life that are so intrusive in other people's business and follow people around even online...and some have found me here and are reading and relaying things I share here, making their jokes like they do about everyone because they have no life unless it's poking holes in others' lives and also to relay things about other people's lives differently than the way it is put as fact. In order to feel big, they have to make others look small, you know?

Some of these people are just simply checking up on me to make sure i'm not talking about any of our dirty laundry and to them I say, look... if we're going to have a relationship, I need room to talk to friends about my life the same as you do with yours, same as everyone on the planet does. I'm not going to live in a shell for you... it's suffocating and if you cared for me, you wouldn't ask me to. Besides, I'm not going to say anything that the big mouths in the family don't already know.

For all you nosy butts in my life that have no life, just so you all know...the ones you share that stuff with are doing the same thing to you behind your backs too so... looks like you're in good company.

Sorry ya'll... I had to get that off my chest. It's been haunting me ever since I started posting here. I've been watching my p's and q's and having to walk the line. I've been feeling SO confined. One side of my family has severe big mouth-itis and doesn't know what the word discretion means.... and the other side thinks we should say NOTHING about ANYTHING. It was starting to really knaw at me knowing that I have that audience out there reading my posts...but it doesn't anymore. I no longer care what they say or do anymore.

I am sorry to hear about all that's been going on. I have been thinking about you and can now see that you have been busy wading through, sifting out, mucking up and getting rid of a lot of baggage in your life. I wish there was something physical I could do to help you with all that's going on, but the best thing I can do is pray that Abba will help lift your load soon.

How are you feeling now? How are things going with therapy and your family? How'd Isabelle do with the surgery?

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Sandy

As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.

So sorry for your experience...I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact he dilated something that was not worthy of dilation??? What the heck..I would respect him more if he had said all looked normal and did nothing..no need to try to justify!! And/or pad the BILL!!! It is frustrating but hang in there. If you really don't want to go back...don't. You need to feel comfortable with your doc..not apprehensive. You sound like you know what you want and need....keep up your strength!

Thanks... am doing better and having happier days. Still have a lot of trouble that I'm dealing with, but I'm dealing with it better. Just wanted to stop and say thanks for the support, good thoughts, prayers and give a short report.

Things are better but hubby and I know we need to move further away from our families...he's looking into a work transfer. We had an opportunity to move far away years ago and didn't...now wish we did. There are some things that only distance can help. It's not a sad thing though...we're actually having fun looking at the map and figuring out how a family moves many many miles away. We've moved twice, but never very far away.

Pandagirl, I'm still trying to figure that out too...about the dilation. It seems like something so serious to do and it was the first thing tried too. I've heard nothing about the biopsy done so I guess that's good news. But I'm still having trouble swallowing. I don't plan to return there at all. I know I need a GI but I am still looking for one. I look forward to seeing Phyllis' aka mountaindreamer's rheumy. I see her in January! I'm still floored that they fit me in that soon!

I've got more hope than I've had in quite a while and I'm feeling very thankful!