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The idea that there is "someone for everyone" is something we tell people to make them feel better, but when we dissect that thought, it becomes clear that it simply can't be true.

For starters, its mathematically impossible. There are more Women than Men. And in places where the numbers are different, there is never an equal number. I'm not taking into account same sex relations, but I'm straight so its not my concern or intent to concern you with it.

Do you know what we are really meant to do? We're meant to live; there are no guarantees on how that life will shape up, and its foolish for us to think that we are somehow entitled to any.

There have been countless people over Human history who never found a mate, and there will always be others, and even more as the population continues to grow. In actuality our problems are mostly made by people who have no business being together, having children, raising them wrong and creating another generation of fools just like them. The least of our problems are people who keep to themselves.

Yes...some are called to the religous life as the author stated, others are called to marriage, and still some are called to single life...I think a subtext of this thread could be the issue of being lonely rather than alone...there is a difference...

Furthermore, a relationship requires effort, selflessness, and sacrifice to which some have no intentions of ever offerring to another person

I think some people are not destined to be in relationships...Myself included.....Why??? Because we are fiercely independent and don`t need.....That`s not to say that we don`t WANT someone but we just don`t NEED them...Men seem to need needy women...Just my opinion....

I don't think anyone is predestined to do anything. We all make our own choices in life and react to adversities in our own ways. I will be alone by choice. If I didn't want to be alone, I could change that rather easily. We are all what we make of ourselves.

This is purely a matter of choice. No one will know you exist unless you let it be known. Not inacting or making some attempt to get noticed is not going to have someone knocking on your door saying: "Where have you been all my life". You are making personal choices that you will live with forever. I don't feel that there is any reason to feel sorry for one who does not strive for the things which can better thier life. They either don't care or have some kind of mental disorder. Live and let live.

I don't agree with this theory that we (in all cases) choose, or bring things on, ourselves.

I think it's a popular pop-psych theory that allows us to blame the victim. That way, we can (a) not waste sympathy on them; (b) not help them (and not feel guilty about it); and (c) keep denying what we don't want to believe: that bad things just do happen to good people.

I am a woman who's been able to reach every goal I ever set for myself -- professionally, because you can influence that. But personally, all I've done is exhausted myself trying.

I was married at 23, and separated at 35, and have two children. The breakup counsellor said, "you'll do fine...you've got everything going for you. This is just the beginning.'

Well, it was the beginning......of the end. I'm now 45. I have worked, done volunteer work, been involved in politics and my children's school and extracurricular activities, tried Internet dating and singles events, dated existing friends.....and through it all, the best I've done was a nine-month relationship with a man (I think he was a commitmentphobe) who dumped me cruelly earlier this year...vanished without a trace, just weeks after saying he wanted a future with me.

I've had a few short relationships, always with men who suddenly ran when the going was good and took me, oblivious and happy as a clam, by surprise. And there have been a few men who wanted to date me though I wasn't interested in them.

I don't buy the "subconscious choice" theory, either -- I don't think I subconsciously choose commitmentphobes. When you're 45 and a man comes along about as often as a comet or a meteor, you don't "choose." You cross your fingers and take a chance.

It bothers me to hear people say, "why is X still single? What's wrong with him/her?" There's nothing wrong with me -- I'm attractive, smart, funny, fun to be with...vivacious, even... loving, kind, etc. I want more than anything to find a loving partner and have a meaningful relationship before I die. And I have tried everything.

And still I am alone.

Maybe I'm doing something terribly wrong, or the desperation is written all over my face. But there's one thing I know for sure: I did not choose this for myself.

You know, at first I would have disagreed, but as I get older and sometimes wiser, I've started to realize, that some people truly ARE better off alone...

There are times when I wish for companionship, but then there are times when being alone has been proven to be more rewarding.

I have learned the value of setting a goal, or even expectations, and not faltering from the plans that are made. An example of this would be settling for someone who is not Exactly what you are wanting, just for the fact that it would end the being alone part.

Me, on the other hand... I don't feel that there is anything wrong with being alone, and sometimes I have found that I can laugh with myself and have been a better friend to myself, than some of my best friends are.

I can't say that I'm being "too picky" in my search, just that I refuse to settle, and until I meet the right person, I've got NO problems being alone, and that I figured I'd use this 'quiet' time, to achieve a few more of my goals, until the right mate does happen to come along...

yes i do i believed for years that i was meant to be alone as anyone who wants to be with me has to be patient as i have been alone for a long time. i also feel confident in relationships and tend to end up with people who are not confident and that causes problems most relationships dont get off the ground. when i realise i know i'm comfortable the other person has doubts which causes me to have doubts a little. but yes i do believe some people are meant to be alone.

My aunt is in her 60's and she's never been married nor has kids. She wished she could of met someone who was like her, but doesn't care. She's happy. She plays Blue Grass and loves her time by herself. Don't got to answer to noone and can spend her money on herself.

With the passing of this past year I have grown and learned so much. I can truely say Yes to that question. Some people are just very independent and like being on their own. U don't have to deal with all the crap in a relationship nor answer to anyone. It's all about being true to ourself. U have to learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself and being alone isn't so bad!

Aside of all that have been already mentioned here; there is another type: the narcissistic extroverted ones (inside of the behavioral/personality disorder scheme)

Those are people who cannot live without others but are incapable to have a close and unique relationship with one person (partner). As their own universe is only centered on themselves, they see any concessions or even the smallest boundaries as an attack to their "freedom" and see everything as a form of control. The partner become an enemy, a "road block", an imaginary restrain; that kind of person are incapable to see that they have a problem and see any partners as the focus of all of their problems.

They will crave friendship and be extra social as they will obtain temporarily all that they want, be able to "throw" away any one that do not 'fit" their criteria or do need too much of their "attentions" or real work and will simply "switch" friendship" depending of their current needs or "wants".This way they think that they do not have to do any "work", get the instant gratifications they need, have their ego flattered as "friends" generally do not tell it 'as is" but will "side with" them without questioning (patronize/condenscending) ...plus all the material bonuses in some case (party hang out); never seeing that it is only a "dodge".

This extra socialization is only a placebo to palliate to a complete lack of empathy of a close party and an inability to make changes or concessions; a fear to "see" whom they really are and face the problem as a partner will reveal whom they really are to them as the partner can see behind the "public" image...and see the "private" and real image. Also that a partner expect equality and reciprocity....which N.E people are never willing to accept or give, fully or partially.

Some of them will even be able to be in a relationship for a couple of year, but only if they control everything and even then, most of those years will be "roller coasters" with always a dramatic ending; but they will always blame the partner to be the cause and never admit or see that they are the primarily reason of the problem as their own actions created a reaction only (their cannot be a reaction without an initial action!!! this they do not understand)

Will that kind of person ever change? Yes only if they can be showed their ways, get out of their "bubble" and start to take responsibilities for their actions; and when they see that their admittance have no bad side effects on them but in fact have positive effect on all, a chain reaction of opening, acceptance, tolerance and empathy is then created.

While I don't believe in the concept of 'meant to be' as though it were fated, I do think some people are just going to end up alone. Whether they're happier this way or not doesn't really enter into the equation.

I must add too that I am trying. As well as going out, trying singles groups and opening up more.Obviously they don't come to you(at least to me they don't.)

But as far as dating websites, sending messages and getting no responses is what's happening with me. Not receiving messages as well. I really don't know what it is that women are looking for. But getting back to the Format,I on second thought don't think man is meant to be alone. Nor is it good. Even the in the Bible it says that.(Genesis 2:18)