Monday, 31 December 2012

• Most movies are "alright"
• 3D can be done well and it can be done badly, but never makes a bad film good.
• My local five-screen Cineworld doesn't show enough new films to make a viewing-target of 100 feasible.

100 films? It hasn't been easy, and with shit like The Posession and The Darkest Hour, it hasn't all been fun, either. And the least said about music documentaries, the better.
So. With that in mind, I'm going to take it a little easier in 2013. No view-targets this year.
Not sure about the future of the film-reviews at the moment. If they do continue, the format will be changing (bottom line: they take too long to put together and don't get enough page-hits. Mercenary, but there it is).

In the meanwhile: SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CINEMA! Even if they forego showing new films by running Taken 2 for six weeks.

Six... weeks... *cries*

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

It's that difficult time of year when you're not sure exactly what kind of punter is going to the cinema. Some will be spending cinema vouchers they got for Christmas, others will be getting away from the noise and chaos of their homes, and some will be just killing time while their respective other spends a day at the sales. It's not a time for 'worthy' cinema. Occasionally you'll get a real gem released on Boxing Day, while everything else will seem like filler…

So, if you're expecting a structured, formulaic comedy, which is gentle enough for the whole family to enjoy with enough safe casting to ensure people will take a gamble on seeing it… you won't be surprised when that's what you get. Parental Guidance is so 'safe' it's practically offensive, but without being twee, somehow. Sure, the ending sees an overflow of sentimentality and preaching in equal measure, but I honestly didn't mind as the rest of the film had been so enjoyable.

Yes. I've liked a film with Bette Midler in it. Let's just keep this between you and me, yes?

The saving grace of this hackneyed family comedy is that Billy Crystal, Bette Midler and Marisa Tomei are all good in it. Way better than the script should allow them to be (Tom Everett Scott is also good, but has very little to actually do). In addition to this, they've managed to find three children (Bailee Madison, Joshua Rush, Kyle Harrison Breitkopf) who are genuinely funny, convincing and not annoying. Right away, this casting lifts the film above what it could easily have been.

At 105 minutes, the final act starts to drag a little, and the whole thing could have been tied up more neatly at an hour and a half. I also thought that a lot of Billy Crystal's lines should have gotten bigger laughs. The delivery is perfect, but I suspect the timing's been lost in the edit.

All in all, I found Parental Guidance to be very enjoyable. Horrendously clichéd and thoroughly undemanding, it's unashamedly filler. It won't advance the careers of any of the adult cast, but is exactly what's needed if you want to get away from it all and smile for a couple of hours.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Monday, 24 December 2012

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.The first Star Wars Lego sets were released in 1999. I resisted rushing out to buy them, because I have a hard enough time with Hasbro trying to separate me from my money. This resistance continued, at a respectable and admiring level, until December of this year, when Mrs Blackout caused this to happen...

I have a bad feeling about this.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Okay, seriously people, I know I'm not famously a massive fan of Christmas or indeed of Macaulay Culkin, but how have I not seen this movie before now? It's 22 years old!

And more to the point, why didn't any of you lot tell me how flipping awesome it is?*1 I've got to go to the 10am showing at Cineworld because you've all been keeping this to yourselves? As luck would have it, this kid-friendly showing was mostly full of adults, unashamedly guffawing away. Obviously, I had no choice but to join them.

Penned by John Hughes, there are riffs from Weird Science and Ferris Bueller, overlaid with genuinely amusing slapstick, and all in a snow-filled Christmas setting. Culkin's Kevin is funnier and more likeable than I'd thought he could be, and more than a few of his deadpan monologues reminded me of Randal Graves in their delivery. Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern are reliably understated in their straight-man roles, and shitloads of visual callbacks are set up and duly counted back in for the final set-piece. The rest of young Kevin's family/entourage seem to get short-changed in the screen-time stakes, then again there are an unwieldy number of them to juggle, but his parents (in particular Catherine O'Hara as his mum*2) get enough scenes to convince us they're not completely heartless.

Funny, warm and uplifting; this is a delightful Christmas film.

Why am I even telling you all this? You already know, it was you who kept it from me.

*3

*1 Particularly as I saw Home Alone 2 in the cinema back when it first came out, and thoroughly enjoyed it. That's why I don't understand having never seen the first one until now.
*2 It's not just me, is it? Catherine O'Hara is remarkably hot in this film? Yeah? Right. Good.
*3 Okay, it's not 'Muppets Christmas Carol' brilliant, but what is?

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Even with the trailer, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect as Cruise is a mixed-bag these days…

…which sums up Jack Reacher; it's part hi-octane action, part crime mystery, part conspiracy thriller. It's not particularly bad in any of those areas, but it feels slightly incohesive with a muddled sense of direction.

Now, if it wasn't for the fact that Jack is an established character, you'd swear blind that Cruise dreamt this up in that crazy ol' head of his. Every aspect of this tough, observational, fiercely intelligent, secretive, sensitive, chest-bearing, man of few words but witty and deadpan when he does say something, and hey… more than a little bit sexy, eh? leading role seems to scream "Hey ladies, you remember me, right? I'm single now! YEAH!"

The bottom line is, I enjoyed this far more than I probably should have. Cruise's Reacher shouldn't be as likeable as he is, Pike's alternately feisty/simpering Helen shouldn't be as sympathetic, Jenkins and Oyelowo as Rodin and Emerson should be more enigmatic and Herzog's Zec should be more detestable. They all fall short of their respective lines at deveral points, yet the film remains entirely watchable.

The plot's as twisty as you'd expect with this sort of thing, but it still runs out of steam long before Cruise does. At 130 minutes, it is too long, and the last half hour or so just seems like stalling rather than wrapping up proceedings to their Inevitable Conclusion™. That said, it never gets out-and-out boring as it's relentlessly cheesy and quippy even when it's resting.

A sequel? Probably. A series? Doubtable. Even at this early stage it's already clichéd; excusable this once, but not sustainable.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

You can't just say something like that and expect it to lay dormant in my brain.

I'm meant to be writing film reviews.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

And so, it's only 12 short months until we start seeing the fruits of that Disney-sale...

^^ Click for bigger on all of those, 1000*1519px, opens in new window.

Merry Christmas, you lot.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.