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State Of Slay is meant to be a safe place, a place to encourage one another, to share our experiences, and offer our strengths and hope to those who may need it, negativity is not welcome here. I encourage you to look for the commonality in what is said here, not the differences, and I invite you all to share your thoughts and stories with me, as I will with you. Together we will be a force to be reckoned with, instead of walking around in a state of depression, anxiety, or self-doubt, we will walk around in a STATE OF SLAY.

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Solutions Grow More Solutions

When I was still new on this path I was stuck on a problem and wanting to be right, and because of my need to be right the problem was getting worse, I was complaining about it to a good friend of mine and she turned to me and said, “do you want to be a part of the problem or a part of the solution?” That made me pause. My stubbornness and need to be right was causing more of a problem, which wasn’t giving me peace, or even satisfaction of being right because I was making the problem bigger, I should have been in the solution, in fact, I should always be in the solution. For the most part now I am, but sometimes that stubbornness returns and I can stir up trouble.

Staying in the solution, or looking for one, is a place were we should be, and it’s a place, when we live there, where more and more solution grows. Like anything else, the more we fertilize something the more it grows, when we live our lives looking for the solution we will find more solutions and our thinking will shift away from forcing our way or point of view to not only looking for what is best for us, but what is best for the situation and those around us, to a collective solution, and one that isn’t causing us to bend or test our morals to get the desired result we’re looking for. To be fair, to be honest, to look at things from all angles, and not just our own. Living in the solution is a state of mind, and the more we live there the brighter our days become.

Typically we can’t solve a problem with the same brain that created it, at least not when we start practicing living this way, which is why it’s helpful to have a group of people to bounce our ideas off of. It helps to have perspectives of a few different people to maybe put our own views in perspective. So it’s about reaching out to others for help, it’s about being there for others as they walk through their own issues, being open to feedback even if it’s not supporting your own decision or ideas, having the courage to try something new, and implementing those new things, taking action, and most importantly, finding gratitude for all that is around you, and what it’s teaching you. Living in the solution means having to have an open mind, it is when we can have an open mind and heart that we can be open to an idea or solution we may not have thought of before, or tried, and when we are living in that place, giving us the courage to try it with the support of those around us. Living in the solution doesn’t mean being a pushover and letting everyone else get their way so to not cause any further problems, it means finding a way to resolve an issue with the best possible outcome for most or all parties, or, sometimes walking way to avoid any more heartache and suffering, sometimes stepping back is the best solution instead of hammering home something that can’t or won’t be resolved currently, your self-worth is more than your need to be right, or it should be, sometimes the right thing to do for you is nothing, to not engage, or no longer engage, and to find acceptance and peace in that.

Today I try to walk into each situation I find myself in looking for the solution, and that’s not to say that old behaviors don’t sometimes flare up, but I take responsibility for my actions if I’ve done something wrong, and get back into the solution. When we start to train ourselves to think in the solution we continue to look for the solution, and, we start to find new solutions. It is a much happier place to live, and a healthier way to think, and, who wants to be the source of the problem all the time? Not anyone living authentically and practicing self-love. Focus on the good, focus on finding the best solutions you can to any problem and you’ll start to see solutions where you used to only see problems. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: In your life, do you let the need to be right get in the way of finding a peaceful solution? Do you try to force your point of view? Or, are you a pushover, or people-pleaser, not expressing your wants and needs and letting someone else steamroll over you to make them happy? None of these are healthy solutions. Living in the solution is looking out for your own needs, but, not so much that everyone else’s are cast to the side, it’s about finding a middle-ground much of the time, listening to the wants and needs of others and seeing if you can align that with your own, and when you come to a stalemate, sometimes the best solution is to stop looking for one and taking care of yourself, not everything is solvable, and sometimes the best solution may be no solution. An integral part to practicing this way of life is to surrounding yourself with people who are also living in the solution, or trying to, and having a sounding board to talk things out with, many times the solution lies within the advice or comments from those who know us best. Then, it’s just a matter of taking action and following through, because words are just words until you take action and make them real. Make living in the solution a real way of life for you SLAYER, and watch how your life, and the solutions around you, grow.

2 thoughts on “Solutions Grow More Solutions”

As former CIA officer Amaryllis Fox said, “Everybody thinks they’re the good guy.”
So, if I can remember to approach situations with the idea that the person I’m in conflict with really does believe they’re doing the right thing, for the right reasons, then I can try to use compassion instead of anger or accusations, to understand their point of view.

I’m not gonna lie, that’s really hard to do. Finding solutions rather than deciding that whomever I’m angry with is just wrong, and it’s not my job to ‘fix’ them, means coming at the problem without ego. Shutting down my ego means I’m not allowed to parent others, and that means I have to only parent myself. This practice is one I’m constantly trying to strengthen, and sometimes I fail miserably. When I get it right, though, huge issues are, suddenly, broken down into bite-sized annoyances. Struggles I thought were impossible to handle, are turned into smaller challenges with obvious solutions. If I can just get out of my own way, those problems almost seem to heal themselves.

Carrie, this installment comes at a much needed time for me. Not as a slap in the face, but more a gentle shake to remind myself what my ultimate goals are. I want peace. I want empathy, compassion, and understanding to take the lead, instead of anger, apathy, or confusion. I want to communicate with others in such a way that they know I value them. From the checkout clerk, to my own mother, I want people to know they can trust me with their friendships.

I love this comment from you today, it totally made me smile, and, trust me, it something we all struggle with at times. We’ve all been through a lot, and many of us have not always had our voice, so were taken advantage of or walked over by many in the past, so our instinct is to say “no more” and come out swinging, instead of looking at the situation for what it is.

Letting go of ego is the key, as I always say, “look at the facts and what you know to be true,” feelings can deceive us, as can our own perception, and the trick is navigate around that, be honest with ourselves and do the next right thing, and if you don’t know what is, do nothing in the moment and talk to someone else about it.

As you wrote, things that seemed unsolvable in the past and be solved when we approach them with compassion and self-love, and if we’re not able to do that in the moment, by stepping back and revisiting it when you can.

Do what’s best for you, what gives you peace, life is not a game show, you don’t get extra points for the fastest buzz in time.