Sunday, February 19, 2006

So, its no secret to people who know me understand that I have personally come to despise Valentine's Day. Not only because it is a "holiday" motivated by commercial gain for the chocolate, floral and greeting card industries, but because the day itself holds a special disgusting meaning for me. You see, Valentine's Day would have been my 9 year anniversary with my ex-fiance. Moreover, his birthday just happens to fall on the next day.

Yeah.... those 48 hours SUCKED ASS.

Let's compound the fact that that day reminds me of a broken (in more ways than one) relationship... it also marked 6 months since I had been laid.... well... not exactly. It had been 6 months since I was laid-- WELL. Bad sex never counts.

A lot of people don't understand why I don't get as much ass as they think I should. To them, an attractive, intelligent woman who is especially fond of sports and kung fu movies shoud have the guys beating down my door. Correct? Well its not so. And its not so for many of my other attractive friends.

So I need some guys to weigh in on this.

Why are the girls you all claim to want, the same ones who are sitting at home alone (or together) on many Friday nights ?

One particularly not so intelligent male associate of mine (who I keep around because he's eye candy, but I repeatedly tell him to shut his yap and just look pretty) observed that I don't go to bars and clubs and that's where the guys are. "Very good, boy! You want a treat? Yes you do!" Of course I don't frequent bars and clubs. Doing that is called "Trolling for Ass."Guys who go to bars and clubs are "coochie-hunting." They're not looking for a girlfriend, they're looking for a quick lay. And after about 7 or so beers, it really doesn't matter how she looks or if she can form a coherent sentence. Hell, it especially doesn't matter if she has any skills in the sack. You're too drunk to care anyway. How are you supposed to get to know someone with music blaring in your ear so loud that the bartender can barely hear your order? But we are going to discuss the current political issues of the day, our careers and make a dinner date for Thursday. PUH-LEEZE.

Another guy friend of mine (who I love to death) said that I might appear to be too independent and empowered. I scare 'em off.

What do guys have against women who can take care of themselves? I drive a nice car, I have a nice home, I dress well, my hair is always done, my bills are paid... and this is a BAD thing? I don't get it.Just because I'm able to take care of myself, doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to be spoiled every once in a while. I guess the issue is that he won't be able to use it as a bagaining chip later. I've had this happen. The whole "I-bought- you- dinner, you- have- to- sleep- with- me- now" thing, or any variation thereof. I understand why guys think this works. There are some sorry ass women out there who let men get away with it. So if she would go for it, why shouldn't I? If I don't, then I'm a stuck up princess or worse-- a bitch.

On the TODAY show the other day I saw a segment in which a psychology professor had conduced as study that basically came to the conclusion that the more intelligent a woman is, the less likely she is to be able to get married, and that's not for a lack of trying. Apparently men are scared of women who could potentially be smarter than them. I SERIOUSLY HOPE THAT THIS IS COMPLETELY FALSE. Otherwise, that's just SAD guys...

My female friends and associates are completely dumbfounded. We just aren't sure what is going on. I think there is definite value in the male point of view to help figure this out. Consider it a public service, guys. You will be helping hundreds if not thousands of women figure out what is the reason for their current predicament, and what we can do to change it..

Or if I can appeal to your baser motives... a lot of us haven't been laid in a while. Consider this a veritable BUFFET....