Relationships

6 ways to find time for romance

Relationships

6 ways to find time for romance

When life gets hectic, relationships are often first to move to the back burner in favour of tasks that are more pressing. "The city lifestyle these days is very tempting in the sense that there's always more you could do," explains Beth Mares, Toronto-based psychotherapist and marriage counsellor. "There's more money you could make, there are more things that you could drive your kids to and it forces you to prioritize."

Romance, after all, requires a certain amount of leisure, and when you're pulled in all directions, it can feel like there's not enough time. Mares outlines six tips to help you find the time to bring romance back into your relationship. 1. Set a schedule There's nothing sexy or impulsive about scheduling "together time," but when spare moments are in short supply, there's not much choice in the matter. "Unless people are finding it easy and they have enough leisure time to be spontaneous, the only way you can get romantic is if you schedule it," says Mares. "Now that doesn't mean you have to have sex, because that kind of pressure can be stressful... but just spend time together," she suggests. Make this work for you by having a predetermined, reoccurring date, like a weekly movie night or monthly getaway, where romance is top priority – no excuses!

2. Factor in some fun Let's face it, it's hard to be attracted to someone you now only see him or her elbow-deep in diapers or attached to their work BlackBerry. Hectic work schedules and the routine of running a household or family often precipitate a romantic slump. Discover a fun activity that you enjoy doing together and incorporate it into your routine, being sure to include sex. "One of those activities would hopefully be sex, which is not only fun but fulfills a physical need," says Mares. Of course, romance doesn't have to be only serious and sultry: any activity that gets you smiling and laughing together can be just as effective.

3. Forget your finances Financial stress has a tendency to overshadow all other facets of life, including relationships, and many marriages deteriorate when a couple is more focused on paying down their mortgage than they are on bonding as a family. "Most people think that at some mythical time in the future, they're going to retire and finally enjoy their lives... and of course by that time, if they haven't maintained their relationship, they've fallen out of love or at least become quite distant," Mares says.

Page 1 of 2 – Discover how getting more sleep can help you feel more romantic on page 2.4. Perform regular maintenance "You need to find the time, energy and opportunity to address problems," says Mares. "Disagreements, hurt feelings, misunderstandings... these things happen in a relationship, and can become a big problem if you don't address them." Harbouring resentment or bottling up your emotions are guaranteed ways to kill your mood when a romantic occasion arises. Talk about your issues before the boiling point is reached, and involve a third party such as a marital therapist or counsellor if the situation requires it.

5. Get some sleep As if you needed another good reason to press the snooze button – the physical and mental benefits you reap from clocking seven to eight hours of sleep every night will do more for your romantic life than a piece of lingerie ever could. Sure, kids, work, and life can get in the way of long visits with the sandman, but sleeping should be at the top of your priority list when time allows. After all, when are you more likely to be frisky: when you're tired, cranky and stressed or when you're rested and refreshed? As Mares says, "Don't expect your love life to sparkle till you're able to be well-rested."

6. Spend time apart If you want to see the ballet and your husband wants to see the Bills game, you should do both... separately. It may seem counterintuitive, but in order to maintain a healthy romantic relationship you need to have things you enjoy doing independently of each other. "A relationship can become claustrophobic if it's the only significant one that people have, and they don't have the opportunity to go do other things," says Mares. "You partner won't seem as much like an exciting other person if you share everything."

Choose the best-quality bread. Never serve end slices. Freezing bread before cutting and then spreading makes for easier handling.

Bread should be lightly buttered no matter what the filling. Butter should be at room temperature before spreading. Sandwiches will not become limp and soggy as readily if you spread butter right to edge of bread.

Sleep

9 easy ways to get more—and better!—sleep

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Arianna Huffington says the key to health, happiness, success and even economic prosperity is simple: everyone needs to sleep more. Sounds great, but how do we actually make it happen? Here are her best tips.

Self-described "sleep evangelist" Arianna Huffington comes by her obsession with rest honestly: in April 2007, after an exhausting trip spent touring prospective colleges with her daughter, Christina, during the day and frantically catching up on emails at night, she collapsed in her office. When she woke up hours later, she had a broken cheekbone and no idea what was wrong with her. After trekking from doctor to doctor trying to find out, the answer was both reassuring (she wasn't suffering from a scary disease) and not (she was burnt out, sleep deprived—essentially, making herself ill). Unsurprisingly, she quickly began taking sleep seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she threw herself into research—which turned into a book, The Sleep Revolution, released earlier this year—and started telling everyone what she learned. (We weren't joking about the "sleep evangelist" thing.) We chatted with Huffington about why women should carve out time for rest, how to get high-quality sleep and what to do when you fall back into old habits. Here's what she said.

1. Forget work-life balance. There's no such thing, according to Huffington. "Realistically, life is never balanced; we have a sick toddler one night, a big deadline the other night. For me, it's all about work-life integration, and bringing joy as well as productivity to everything we do," she says. "And I feel women need to realize that what they tell us on airplanes is the truth: put your own oxygen mask on first." Meaning: you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself, first.

2. Do less binge-watching. Huffington doesn't buy the idea that there just aren't enough hours in the day to work, parent, exercise, socialize and sleep, too. "We all have more discretionary time than we acknowledge," she says. "You know, somebody's watching House of Cards [right now]. I've only seen one episode. I love the show; I would love to see the rest of it. But you know what? If something has to give, it's going to be House of Cards."

3. Ditch the tech. Speaking of binge-watching… You've probably heard this before, but chances are you didn't listen, so it bears repeating: ban devices from your bedroom. "Before I go to sleep, I power down all my devices and gently escort them out of my bedroom," Huffington says. "Once I get into bed, I only read physical books. And always books that have nothing to do with work—poetry, novels. I don't read anything on-screen, and I never watch TV just before I'm going to sleep."

4. Develop a bedtime routine. "The most important thing is to have a transition to sleep," Huffington says. "I think the biggest mistake we make in modern life is we have no transition. We can be on our smartphones, answering emails, texting until the last moment, and then turn off the light and go to sleep. That doesn't work." Huffington's ritual starts 30 minutes before she wants to go to sleep. That's when she powers down her phone, tablet and laptop, turns off all the lights and has a hot bath. If 30 minutes feels like too much time, start with five minutes, she advises.

5. Be consistent—even when you're travelling. Whether you're going out of town for work or play, it's important to keep up your bedtime routine. To make it easier, Huffington always packs an eye mask, noise-cancelling headphones, a candle (to give the space a homey vibe) and masking tape (to cover up all those annoying blinking lights). "You have to get organized," she says. "But once you do, and you realize what a benefit it brings you, it's not difficult. It only takes five minutes to cover the lights and put the temperature down; it's not like these things are time consuming."

6. Buy new PJs. Huffington says whatever you wear to bed should only be worn to bed. "After my bath, I get in my nice PJs. But it could even be a special t-shirt, as long as it's something I only wear to sleep," she says. "I used to sleep in my gym clothes, but that sends your brain confusing, conflicting messages: are we going to the gym or are lying down?"

7. Say no sometimes. We're all busy, but Huffington says it's important not to give into the temptation to over-schedule. "I so dislike the person I become when I'm sleep deprived: more irritable, more reactive, less and less present with less joy in my life," she says. But acknowledging the consequences of skimping on sleep makes it easier for her to prioritize. Take, for example, a recent evening when she unexpectedly ran into close friends: "I would have loved to go to dinner with them, but I had a very early start this morning, so I didn't. And when I say that to you, you may think it sounds like a sacrifice, but it doesn't to me anymore."

8. Don't worry about falling off the sleep bandwagon. Everyone slips up sometimes, even Huffington. "I'm a work in progress. But you know, I don't think anyone, even somebody who talks about this as much as I do, would do this perfectly. For me, the most important thing is to course correct quickly."

9. Have a plan of attack for insomnia.The Sleep Revolution has an entire chapter devoted to sleep best practices: make sure your room is dark and cool, get enough physical activity, don't drink coffee or alcohol too close to bedtime… but even the most dedicated sleeper will sometimes have a sleepless night. Instead of getting stressed about it, though, Huffington's advice is to meditate. In the book, she writes, "Since we find it harder and harder to retreat into ourselves in the middle of our busy days, the retreat in the middle of the night—whether through sleep or meditation—can be reframed as a precious luxury. This certainly didn't come easily to me. But I was able to train myself to see the time spent meditating in the middle of the night as productive and enriching instead of lying awake in bed resenting the fact that I was wasting my time lying awake in bed."

Spent the night tossing and turning? Here's how to recover from a bad sleep.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Fashion

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

We’ve all been there, you know, scrambling at the 11th hour to get an extra-special present for someone important on your list. These last-minute gifts are so thoughtful, they’ll never know you just picked it up.

Slideshow

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

All about that bass

If you’ve exhausted your options for a gift for that special guy in your life—because he’s either too picky or has almost everything—consider a portable Bose speaker. This one is water-resistant (great for camping and hiking), has full-range sound and is durable and simple to use. Bose SoundLink Color Bluetooth® Speaker II, $181.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Wine charm

Most ornaments go on sale in early December, so this is the kind of gift that’s perfect to pick up last minute because it will actually save you money. Sweeten the deal and give an ornament hanging from a bottle of wine. Glitterville Antler Ornament, $7.50.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

The crowd pleaser

Still missing a gift for your Mother-in-law or your dear aunt that always bakes you fruit cake? Head to Shoppers Drug Mart and give her the gift of Amazing Grace. This best selling fragrance from beauty brand Philosophy smells clean and beautifully feminine with a powdery floral air of sophistication and polish. This collection includes Eau de Toilette, shampoo, bath and shower gel and whipped body crème.Amazing Grace Holiday Set, $60.

You’ve got mail

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Sock it to them

Need a gift ASAP, but don’t have time to leave the house? Simple, order online and give the gift that keeps on giving with a new pair of socks every month, for a year! These vibrant and graphic socks are available for both men and women. One pair every six months, $78. One pair for a year, $146.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Lit up

Need a little something special for your child’s teacher or your next door neighbour? Pick up a tin Voluspa candle. The packaging is beautiful and the two wicks give off a rich glow. This scent smells of sweet apricots muddled withs superfine sugar and crisp Prosecco. Voluspa Prosecco Bellini Two Wick Tin, $16.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Grab & go

There are few places that are open on Christmas day, but Starbucks is one of them. If you’re on your way to your holiday dinner and realized you forgot something for that caffeine loving cousin of yours, make a pitstop at your local Starbucks and grab one of their festive drinkware cups. We love the ceramic sweater cup with a swivel lid. Sweater double wall traveler, $27.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Hostess bait

Headed to one of your besties for your annual friends holiday dinner and need something clever to bring? Gift something useful and beautiful with a little bit of whimsy, like this marble cheese board. Crafted from creamy white marble, the cool surface is ideal for serving cheese and charcuterie. Expressions marble and copper cheese board, $37.

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Sleep easy

Last-minute gift ideas for everyone on your holiday list

Teen pleaser

Need something for your teenage niece, but have absolutely no idea what she’s into? Whether she’s artistic, sporty, goth or one of the "popular girls" at her high school she’ll be into something from NYX Cosmetics. We especially love these palettes, choose from one of seven that houses eight shades of shadow and one liquid matte lipstick. NYX Cosmetics Wanderlust Lip & Eye Collection, $25.

Beauty

These lip balms will make you forget dry, chapped lips

Beauty

These lip balms will make you forget dry, chapped lips

Cold temperatures and harsh winds can take a toll on your lips—and there is nothing sexy about a chapped mouth. The good news? Our favourite lip balms can help eliminate dry, sore and chapped lips. These affordable picks range from $4 to $32.