How to bond with your premature baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU)

It's important to try to bond with your premature baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). A preemie has a unique personality as well as her own ways of reacting to life outside her incubator. When you're with your baby, observe her pleasure or discomfort at certain sounds, sights, touches, movements, tastes, or smells.

When your newborn withdraws or gets fussy, stop or limit whatever stimulation is bothering her. When your baby is calm and alert, see what's soothing or enjoyable for her.

But don't be surprised if it takes a few weeks or even months for your preemie to be interested in the world around her. Similarly, if your baby is very sick, she needs all her energy to recover.

As your baby feels better and matures, she'll become more interested in what's going on around her. To encourage your baby to respond to you, try some of the following suggestions:

Focus on your baby. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy special moments. While it's normal to feel anxious, breathing deeply may help you feel calmer and better able to tune into your little one.

Pay close attention to your baby's cues. If she arches her back, use a different type of touch. If she calms when you cup her head and feet with your hands, do that to soothe her. If she turns toward you, make eye contact or use a gentle voice – or both. If she turns away when you talk but toward you when you sing, she's showing a preference for that kind of voice.

Imitate your baby's actions and level of interest. When your baby turns toward you, see what kind of voice or facial expressions hold her interest. When she turns her head or looks away, you can take a minute to rest too.

When she's ready, she'll look toward you again. Then you can respond by talking, singing, or smiling and making eye contact.

By following your baby's lead, you encourage her to stay calm and attentive. And remember that sometimes your baby won't be ready for more attention until after a good nap.

Protect your baby from overwhelming stimulation. If your baby is especially sensitive to light, sound, or touch, ask the NICU staff to dim the overhead lights, turn down the monitors, and do what your baby finds soothing. Put a sign on her incubator to remind healthcare providers to keep these sensitivities in mind.

Use a calming touch, voice, or activity. Try talking in a soothing voice, singing or reading to her, swaddling her in a blanket, cupping her head and feet with your hands, cradling her in your arms, rocking her, or holding her upright on your chest or shoulder. By helping your baby stay calm when she's awake, you help her stay alert without becoming overwhelmed.

Take photographs of your baby. In the NICU, you're focused on your infant's health and may not be thinking about taking pictures of your baby. But photographs can be very meaningful for families during this time.

You can take beautiful photos of your baby while she's in the NICU, and this can help you feel connected with your newborn. Photograph memorable moments, such as when your baby first opens her eyes or during sibling visits.

These photos are memories forever. Share photos with your baby's older siblings as well as other family members and friends who can't come to the NICU very often.

If possible, decorate your baby's space. Though the hospital isn't very private or cozy, work with the staff to try to make it a little bit more like home. Ask the medical staff if you can place family photos or small toys in or near the incubator. You also may be able to put in a cloth with your scent to remind your baby of you when you're away.

Trykangaroo care. This is the practice of holding your diapered baby on your bare chest (if you're the father) or between your breasts (if you're the mother), with a blanket draped over your baby's back. Skin-to-skin contact benefits both you and your baby.

As you learn how to respond to your baby, you encourage her to be more responsive to you and interested in her surroundings. Your nurturing presence is a wonderful foundation for the relationship you're forming.