I realized today, that since that day, I’ve been listening to my iPod on shuffle. I never do that. I’ve been cycling through all 5000+ of my songs rather than a playlist based on my favorites or my mood of the moment. I’m too scattered, unfocused, and disconnected to narrow down my choices or determine what I like.

I have the same problem with food. When I go out with friends or family, they ask what I want & I have to tell them, “I honestly don’t know. I can’t make a choice.” And I can’t. I’m not just being indecisive. I am that disconnected from what I want. I’ve solved the problem of cooking & feeding myself by basing the decision on whatever is easiest or closest to the front of the refrigerator. Grocery shopping, however, is still a bit of a disaster. It takes me forever to come out with either not enough stuff or stuff I’ll never eat.

I guess I’ll know I’m getting back to normal when I can make these decisions without realizing it.

…as for NaNoWriMo…yeah, I could make excuses, but I’ll just be honest. I’ve done absolutely nothing. I’m just looking forward to my writing group on Saturday morning. Maybe then I’ll be able to get back in a groove. And there’s still tomorrow. There’s always hope.

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One Response to “thursday: indecision”

C’mon. Get down in there and let yourself loose in your second draft. I borrowed Stephen King’s On Writing from the bookstore; I have to say, I’m glad I didn’t pay for it, although there were a couple of interesting nuggets in there. Hmmm. . . he does talk about the importance of keeping your first draft completely to yourself, then letting it lie for a while before coming back to it, and, if you find gaps in the plot or problems with characterization, NOT beating yourself up about it, because that’s why you’re revising it. He also talked about his revision formula, which he kept from a rejection slip he got once:
2d draft = 1st draft minus 10%
(in terms of word count, he literally tries to shave off 10% and says it’s usually easily done)
I quote exactly: “If you find a few of these big holes, you are *forbidden* to feel depressed about them or to beat up on yourself.”

He actually says the second draft is just about his favorite part of the whole writing process — because he’s rediscovering his novel, usually finding that he likes it, and isn’t sick to death of the thing!