TR 909 ANALOG DRUM MACHINE NOT ANALOG ENOUGH FOR ANALOG PURIST

Vonpoopenbaum got a panic attack after he discovered not all sounds on the TR 909 were in fact analog

Meet HENDRICK VONPOOPENBAUM, a self-proclaimed analog purist with a deep love for analog synths and the type of tech house that all sounds the same.

Two years ago, Vonpoopenbaum got fascinated with analog synthesizers after his favorite band released an LP he never actually listened to. Merely, the album credits stated each song was made purely with analog gear.

Soon he burned $10,000.00 on analog gear at a fancy, out of state synthesizer boutique.

Among his purchases the celebrated and classic Roland TR 909 analog drum machine from the 80’s. For the ones not in the know, this machine was the essential piece of kit featured in countless of house and techno classics and still is the one machine that many successful DJs count on.

At first, Vonpoopenbaum was ecstatic about the purchase, but it was not long for Vonpoopenbaum changed his mind after he read the manual.

Vonpoopenbaum got a panic attack after he discovered not all sounds on the TR 909 were in fact analog. The thought the hi-hats, ride cymbal and crash cymbal were actually samples instead of pure analog wonders of sound made him severely nauseous and sent him to the ER with symptoms that included an accelerated heart rate, sweating, trembling and a severe shortness of breath.

Vonpoopenbaum:“I felt so dirty. The salesman guaranteed this to be an analogue drum machine. I only love analogue and anything less is pure rubbish. I did not know how fast I had to place this in consignment. It sold pretty fast and now I swear I won’t be ever cheated again like this.