Monday, March 10, 2008

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I had a good time out with my husband on Saturday night. Yesterday wasn't quite what I expected as my sis-in-law had an emergency and I ended up watching her two kids, but still nice with my daughter and husband trying their best to cater to me!

The problem was that I was turning 39 years old. I had dreamed of being a mom of 3 by the time I was 25 years old and here I am 39 with only one child and no hope of another. I am tired of feeling bad and guilty all the time. I wonder if I will ever be able to let all this go. I am getting closer and closer to "MY" idea of when having another child will be too late and that is 40 years old, so I was quiet depressed by this birthday. I am sure when I hit 40, that idea will move up to 45 years old LOL after all we are human and always hoping and wishing for that which we can't have. :)

I LOVE MY child, my husband, my family, but just need that one more child to make my life complete.

Anyway, enough boo hooing for the day. Let me tell you more about us. There is my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughter, me, Snowflake, our guinea pig, three dogs, Mojo, Fred and now Roxy. Mojo is a 9 year old chocolate lab, Fred is a 15 year old sheltie and Roxy is an 11 week old rat terrier that we just got. These are my surrogate babies and always have been. If it wasn't for the fortitude of my husband we would be over run by dogs, cats and strays that I could mother LOL. We also have 3 fish that my daughter wanted. Whew... a lot of living creatures to be responsible for!! But I love it "mostly"! LOL

I watch a few friend's kids during the week and am a stay at home mom. We both thought it was important for me to be home with my daughter, so here I am watching my daughter, a 3 year old developmentally disabled little girl named Hope, a 2 and a half year old girl named Hannah, a 2 year old boy named Joey and a 6 month old girl named Chloe! Yes... that is 5 kids, three dogs, a guinea pig and three fish and YES I am totally Crazy!

This is my life right now. I am trying to find a niche where I can work and make a contribution to my family finances and still be home for my daughter. I used to run "Meals on Wheels, Chicago" downtown and worked for financial firm downtown and now I am changing diapers and wiping noses. :)

If I could just find a way to work from home without the diapers and runny noses I think my life would be complete. I DO want to be home for her, but I don't want to be reminded daily of my fertility issues by having to watch some other couple's children! But for now it keeps me home with her and keeps our heads above water!

Well, that is it for now, the kids are starting to arrive for the day. Maybe in the next few days, I will try to put down my infertility journey for everyone!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

You do not have to be tagged to play along. This game is simple and so are the rules.

1. Copy from *Start Copy Here* through *End Copy Here*

2. Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post at each site you add.

3. Tag or don’t tag, your choice, however, the more tags you create the bigger the list will grow.

4. Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving me a comment HERE. I will add you to the master list. (If you would like a scroll box code, leave me your email address and I will email it to you.) Scroll Box Example. (I decided not to use the box for the Big Bang for ease of copying.)

5. Come back and copy the master list back to your site, often. This process will allow late-comers to get as much link benefit as the first ones in. Once you are on the master list people who have participated earlier will update their bookmarks and help everyone lower than them out on the list.

I do have one daughter that I went through the hell of IVF to get and love her with all my heart. Her name is Emaleth! I have a wonderful and supportive husband who was right there with me through it all. We are devastated because we just can't afford to keep trying for a sibling for our daughter. It breaks my heart that we can't give her a brother or a sister. It breaks my heart that I can't give my husband a son.

This blog is for me.... to crab, vent and lament my situation. It is also to tell my story in the hopes that it may help someone who is going through some of the same stuff to hear my story and know that they are not alone. That pregnancy is possible.... that hoping can be good or it can create a hell for you to live in!

Welcome to all. Please feel free to read about me, my family, my story. It won't all be about fertility. Some if it may be what I like to call Emaleth stories.... or day to day anecdotes on my life. All of this will be interspersed with my thoughts and feelings about my infertility. Please, anyone post like posts about your life, your dealings with infertility and life. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help ease your pain.

Just know that there are more of us out here! Looking for support, Looking for Help.... Looking for children of our own!

Lotus

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About Me

I am 39 Years old and suffering from fertility issues. I have a wonderful daughter who is four that I was able to have through IVF. We are currently unable to have any more children as we just don't have the money to continue trying.