Hebocon: The World’s Greatest Tournament of Crappy Fighting Robots

Welcome to Hebocon: The Robot Contest for Dummies, where only those with no technical skill can enter and crappiness trumps strategy.

This year’s tournament included battles between 31 poorly-built robots (according to the narrator, this high number is necessary because lots of problems arise when using crappy robots), including a motorised toy wearing an iPhone case, a set of swivelling sushi plates, and a tissue box fitted with vibrating dildos. According to the narrator, the advancement of the dildo box would have reduced media coverage of the event, leading to a heightened sense of excitement. One entrant accidentally left her robot on the train then sent a picture of her enjoying a beer instead, much to the approval of the crowd.

One glorious, crappy goal

The first round consisted of one-on-one fights, while the second was a battle royale-style rumble between four crappy robots. Many of the competitors’ creations couldn’t actually walk forward, and those that can often trundle straight out of the arena. Winners attach the parts of robots they’ve beaten to “carry on the will” of those knocked out.

Competition is ruthless

Watch a full explanation of the tournament, along with clips from some of the battles below. Our favourite part is the guilt of the winner announcing, “I seriously tried to win and now I feel ashamed,” beautifully contrasted by the narrator’s pride as he boasts “Only in Hebocon would the champion feel ashamed!”