“Once Upon A Time” recap (3.18): The liar, the witch, and the wardrobe

Previously on Once Upon A Time, Zelena took Rumple’s brain, David’s courage (so she might need more), tried to take Regina’s heart, and is vying for Mary Margaret’s baby. She also proved herself a SwanQueen shipper when she rendered Hook unable to kiss Emma.

We open on Regina, doing pretty things around her pretty house, and answering the door to find a basket of green apples on her doorstep. Zelena appears inside and they bicker about apples; Zelena thinks the red are sickeningly sweet, while Regina thinks the green are bitter.

Regina mocks Zelena’s envy, but Zelena says she’s just a harder worker, that she has ambition and drive, while all Regina does is hide behind her curses.

They both remain poised and cocky as they spit insults back and forth, and I think Regina is kind of enjoying this whole sister thing.

If smirks could kill, I’d be so dead.

When Regina finally bores of this back-and-forth, she asks Zelena what she’s really doing here. Zelena smirks and says she was just a distraction so she could send the Dark One to collect her heart.

Sure enough, in the Storybrooke forest, Rumple is standing at the business end of Robin Hood’s arrow. Unfortunately, Robin Hood’s adorable son picks that moment to make an appearance, and a threat to the little one’s life is just what Rumple needed to get Robin to give up Regina’s heart.

Regina shows up a second too late and Robin tells her everything. She understands, and despite being literally heartless, says “nothing’s worth the loss of a child.” This, from the woman who once ordered an entire village, children included, be slain just because she suspected them of harboring Snow White. She’s come so far. *wipes away proud tear*

Regina is concerned, however, because she’s still alive, which means Zelena is surely up to something. Robin Hood can’t think of anything worse than murder, but Regina can think of a few things. But, no worries, she’ll stop her.

She heads to Gold’s shop and starts trashing the place. Belle’s spidey-sense could tell someone somewhere was hurting books so she comes in and tells her to stop. When she finds out Zelena has Regina’s heart, she takes a step back, but Regina says she’s protected her heart from being able to control the rest of her. She asks Belle for help, and Belle wants to know why in seven hells she would help the woman who held her captive in an insane asylum.