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Why Rich and Powerful People Cheat: Part 1

Politicians, high-visibility celebrities and successful business people (and everyday couples) fly-in for the Crucible Intensive Therapy Program at the Marriage & Family Health Center in Evergreen Colorado. Often they are in the same situation as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tiger Woods, having had multiple affairs. Why do people do this?

Many people think sex with lots of women is a side benefit that comes with being powerful, whether that power is political, economic, or social. That has been the case throughout history. The difference between 200 hundred years ago and now is not morals, it’s the media.

•Sometimes extremely successful people are thrill-seeking risk takers. They like to “roll the dice” for very high stakes. •Sometimes they’re simply self-destructive, having to push the limit until things fall apart. •Some like secretive clandestine sex and the charge of getting away with something.

Imagine you’re a 33 year old billionaire (don’t you wish). You have no limitations on what you can buy, who you can reach out to, and what you can do. Or you're a state govenor or senator, or CEO of a multi-national corporation. You’ve achieved more success and fame than you ever imagined. It’s hard to keep your emotional balance, presuming you had it to begin with.

Many highly successful people have huge capacities to compartmentalize risky, unethical and eve illegal behavior, (which may have contributed to their success). Some aren’t capable of guilt or shame, but those who are often don't feel this until they get caught. It’s like their brain has gone to sleep.

A Different Realty

The rich and powerful travel in an exclusive world, a different reality

Your entourage forms a protective buffer around you, pumps up your ego, and insulates you from daily reality and responsibilities. You begin to believe the rules don’t apply to you. Other people bend the rules for you because you are a celebrity. You see how hollow many people are, because they sell themselves out to you. You begin to believe everyone is a sham and not who they claim to be. You live in a world where everyone uses everyone. You convince yourself through personal experience that people are craven and everyone can be bought. It’s not long before you lose respect for the very people who admire you.

You are surrounded by other wealthy people who are getting away with things, too. There is an arrogance that often comes with power. You feel you can do things that mere mortals are forbidden to do. You live a life of luxury, excess, and hedonism that most of us can only imagine. The aura of power surrounding you makes you feel immune from consequences. There's a sense, “I won't get caught." You see other wealthy people living a façade in public and a different life in private. The key to pulling this off becomes keeping your public and private life as separate as possible, and creating an image that shields you from closer scrutiny.

Highly successful and wealthy people also often have two characteristics that further encourage affairs:

They are often extremely competitive people, to whom extramarital sex is about "scoring" and "collecting trophies."

They are frequently driven by a huge need to get a positive reflected sense of self from others.

In Part 2 we'll consider other reasons why the rich and powerful cheat: They are just like everyone else.

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Sure, and those folks of modest means who pass up whatever truly appealing prospects may happen to present themselves won't cheat if they get rich either. But, if they would if they could, they will when they can.

Your point is well taken. When many people become wealthy enough to have increased opportunity, they take it. Their character, previously held in check by circumstances, becomes manifest, and what previously looked like values evaporates. If they could have done it previously, they would have.

But Anonymous also picks up how that "world" itself is warping. And many who gain access to that world through luck, connections, or sociopathy (rather than intelligence or hard work) are readily warped.

I'll be interested in your reactions to Part 2, which looks at how rich and famous people have affairs because they are just like the rest of us. ♦

"Their character, previously held in check by circumstances, becomes manifest, and what previously looked like values evaporates."

This statement makes me sad, because it's probably so true. And it makes me wonder if my own boyfriend would be the type to take the opportunity to cheat if he was suddenly famous or loaded. I don't think so. Can't say I'm not a little paranoid, though. :)

My point was: There are many men in higher-than-average positions of power, such as doctors, lawyers, and professors, who don't cheat on their wives (even though the opportunity is present).

But then again, I'm sure there are many "famous" men in positions of power similar to that of Arnold, Tiger, etc. who don't cheat on their wives. It just feels to me like almost every famous man does cheat because of the constant publicity of cheating politicians, actors, singers, etc. It's depressing. It would be interesting to see the cheating statistics of famous men versus not-famous-but-higher-than-average-power men versus run-of-the-mill men versus low-power men!

You're point is well taken. There are lots of decent people, but it's not something we as a society or as individuals can take for granted. (See my mother's day piece on parental basic decency.) I wish we could.

I too would love to see stats on cheating among power elite vis "above average" "average" and "low power" men!

Having worked with lots of powerful people I have found that more average people have an ambivalence about the "more privileged." Many of us are jealous of their money and opportunities for decadence, affairs, etc. But the rich and powerful people who engender the most jealousy, in my experience, are those who also have their heads screwed on straight, their values intact, and have healthy families. Some of my clients experience this when they finally get their lives together.

Because most American marriages become sexual deserts from the point of view of the men, and because most marriages are unhappy.

I am not exaggerating. Dr. Schnarch can tell you the average frequency of hot sexual contact for most marriages at the eight or ten year mark. From a male point of view? Pitiful. From a female point of view, if the woman still cares about sex? Pitiful.

As for the unhappiness piece, it's utterly axiomatic. Half of all marriages fail. Half the rest are average or below. Average marriages are pretty listless and uninspiring. And if you're below that, well, you're in a soul-sucking hell where the only out is divorce. But plenty of people don't want to divorce, because of kids, finances, religion, you name it.

Is it any wonder there's so much cheating? Rich AND poor. Powerful AND powerless.

While I often talk about normal marital sadism and "heart eating" that often goes on in long-term relationships, I stop short of seeing them as "soul-sucking." I'm much more into "marriage is a people-growing machine" with dark nights of the soul (i.e., crucibles). This is one of the basic ideas in my books, especially "Intimacy & Desire."

Just letting you know I'm just a nothing blogger who writes on anything that comes across my mind. I was interested in your wording in this piece and I could not have said it better. I wish to direct quote you in a few sentences because I believe paraphrasing your text would ruin it.

No worries, I'm not making money. Peace

PS The title is:
"Don't you hate it when... The wealthy get together, BAD things happen" ~Introspectout.com Should be done in a day or so, if you want to check to make sure I'm not over-citing you