Lying Is Good For You

If I told you lying was good for you, you probably wouldnt believe me. But trust me--Im not lying.

Simply put, we lie because it works. When we do it well, we get what we want.

We lie to avoid awkwardness or punishment. We lie to maintain relationships and please others. And, of course, most of all we lie to please ourselves. Whether were embellishing our credentials or strengthening our stories, we often tell untruths to make ourselves appear and feel better.

What's more, we lie all the time. In 2002, Robert Feldman, a psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, conducted a study in which he secretly videotaped students conversations with strangers. After the fact, he had the students examine the videotapes and identify the untruths. On average, they claim to have told three lies per ten minutes of conversation.

And that number is likely far too low. First, were likely to underreport the number of lies we tell (we lie about lying, that is). And Feldmans study only accounted for lies of the verbal variety, ignoring other deceptive behavior--misleading body language or facial expressions, for example.

In fact, we lie so readily that the dishonesty becomes automatic. Most of the time, were not even aware of the lies we tell, explains David Smith, director of the New England Institute at the University of New England and author of Why We Lie. He says we lie best when we dont know were lying. We dont have the nervousness or broadcast the tell-tale signs of unease that the intentional liar can barely help, he explains. Self-deception is the handmaiden of deceit--in hiding the truth from ourselves, were able to hide it more fully from others.

But why are we so dishonest so often? Isnt honesty always the best policy? In fact, no. Nobody wants to hear that they look heavier or less attractive. In truth, we consider those who are too honest to be blunt, antisocial and even pathological. A recent study found that adolescents who are most popular with their peers were the ones that were the best at being deceptive.

And lying has proven psychological benefits. For instance, theres scientific evidence showing that depressive people are more honest with themselves than nondepressive, or mentally healthy, people. When people recover from their depressions, they become less honest.

Strangely enough, despite the frequency with which we lie, we are pretty bad at it. Lying--at least the intentional kind--isnt easy. It takes more work to tell a lie than it does to tell the truth, says Maureen OSullivan, professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco. You have to not only make up something, but also watch me to make sure Im believing you.

But don't worry too much. People are easily fooled. There is no Pinocchios nose, explains Paul Ekman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California, San Francisco. Theres no sign that is always present when someone lies and always absent when someone is truthful. As a result, research shows that were only slightly better than chance level at detecting deception.

Our default assumption is that people are telling the truth, says Feldman. And often, we dont actually want to hear the truth. If we hear what we want to hear, we accept it, true or not.

Take the example of evaluating a colleagues work. When we ask a friend if we did a good job, we want the response to be yes, regardless of its legitimacy. Once we hear it, were unmotivated to probe further.

So while wed like to say we value honesty, we also value dishonesty, says the University of New Englands Smith. After all, weve been taught the importance of lying from a very early age. The catch is, we dont call it lying, we call it tact or social grace.