"I Finally Embraced My Gray Hair—And It Changed My Life"

Gray-curious? It's understandable. Whether you have just a smattering of grays, a lone silver streak in your bangs, or a chalk-white line at your roots between colorings, you may long to know what your real color would look and feel like. But we get that the transition can feel scary, and that gray hair can still have the sting of "old." Before you make your next move—whether you break up with your colorist or book a touch-up—read what these silver foxes learned when they finally ditched the dye. (The 21-day plan in Love Your Age is the life-changing reset every 40+ woman needs!)

"In my 30s, I had a distinctive white stripe in my bangs, and it was fun and interesting. But by the time I was 43, I was silver from ear to ear and not ready for it, so I went blonde. Then it struck me that as I was getting older, I was getting happier, wiser, more skilled, and more fulfilled, and I started to see the signs of aging—crow's-feet, sun spots, and silver hair—as badges of honor. I thought, I've earned this! This is beautiful. I am beautiful! I began growing out my natural color immediately, and the day I cut off the very last bits of blonde, I was approached on the street by someone seeking models for a Dolce & Gabbana ad campaign with the photographer Steven Meisel. It was like the universe saying, 'You go, girl.' I've been modeling ever since."—Cindy Joseph, 65, Lafayette, CA

"I'd been dyeing my hair for 20 years when I saw a woman at Starbucks with this gorgeous stripe-y white and steely gray hair. It looked so modern and hip. I was totally inspired and said, 'I'm doing it.' My stylist dyed my hair various shades of gray with highlights, lowlights, and some blonde to help with the growing-out process. But when I saw the result, I was mortified. I was in shock. I felt like I looked so much older. My kids' friends, who were still in middle school, would say, 'Are you the grandmother?' It was horrifying. But at the same time, I loved the low maintenance and the freedom, and the color totally complimented my skin tone. Now it's been 10 years since I went natural, and I couldn't have made a better choice. There isn't one week that someone doesn't say, 'I love your hair!' or 'Your hair is so beautiful!'"—Lynn Worth, 56, Portland, OR

"When I was 47, my hairdresser asked me, 'What's underneath that color?' I honestly had no idea. But I knew I was tired of chemically fighting that gray line of regrowth every 3 weeks, so I was game for a change. After getting a buzz cut (I style my hair short, so this was an easy transition), we discovered that my natural gray color was light, bright, and becoming. I began to feel lighter, younger, and sassier. I started to feel more authentic, not hiding behind a chemical veil of color anymore. I now have more people then ever—more men then women!—stopping me and exclaiming, 'I love your hair!'" —Dawn Doherty, 52, Sagaponack, NY

"The night before a business trip in 2010, panic seized me. My gray roots were showing, and I stopped everything to deal with it and get my color done. Afterward, the absurdity of my behavior sunk in. I thought of all the time, aggravation, and money that I'd dedicated to my hair for so many years. I was fighting a battle I couldn't win. So at age 40, I started letting the gray grow in. Acquaintances offered tepid compliments, and my mother was horrified, but I'm proud of my decision. After years of being a slave to hair color, I felt liberated. Instead of a cabinet full of products for color-treated hair, I now have a small stash of products for silver curls. Instead of spending resentful hours at the salon, I enjoy positive reinforcement from strangers who openly admire my hair color and, I like to believe, admire the woman who flaunts it."—Amanda Trigg, 46, Rockland County, NY

"I started going gray in my late 20s and kept getting it colored. By my 40s, I struggled with wanting to go gray and not knowing how to make the transition. One day I just went for it: I walked into the salon and said, 'Let's cut it all off!' And with that, I got a pixie cut and went totally gray. For me, having short hair was way harder than having gray hair. I didn't identify at all with the cut. I'm a musician, and my crowd appeal changed overnight; I started to feel generic, invisible. It took 2 years to get my hair where I wanted it to be, and now I feel authentic and unique. My hair stands out, so when I play music festivals people tend to remember me and recognize me. I'm glad I did it, but if I could do it over again I would grow out the color and keep the length because it was two hard transitions at once."—Paige Clem, 42, San Francisco

"Premature graying runs in my family, and I started dyeing my hair when I was 23. I was talked into dyeing it blonde at one point, but it was ghastly. I am no Mary J. Blige! Two years ago, I just bit the bullet and had all the dyed parts chopped off. I realized that coloring my hair had been messing with its texture. My hair is so much softer and curlier now. For the first time in my life, I began getting compliments on my hair—the texture and the color. It's a bunch of subtle colors and sparkles, like natural highlights. To go with the look, I've been wearing more gray and silver, and I've pepped up my wardrobe with fun shoes. After years of seeing my hair as a struggle—and most African-American women still live in a world of weaves, wigs, and straighteners—I feel fortunate to finally like my hair just as it is."—Linda Muehlinghaus, 54, Cheverly, MD

"I was about 35 when I started going gray and immediately started coloring it. As time went on, I got tired of dyeing it, and I felt fake trying to achieve my original auburn color. When my husband suggested I go natural, I was appalled at first. It took 3 months of digesting the idea before I was ready to try it. I was worried about looking old, but I thought that if I had a young haircut I'd be able to pull it off. After I embraced my natural color, I got so much positive feedback! I was told I was brave and that I looked younger. Now I never have roots, I save money, and it's so easy to maintain. It's really liberating!"—Tracey Glenz, 53, Saratoga Springs, NY

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