The Cheat Sheet

We almost feel sorry for the burglar who broke into the Shelby Farms Welcome Center and, while trying to hack open the cash box there, somehow managed to cut off the end of his finger. The police discovered it when they investigated the robbery. Which makes us wonder: Is it easier to get fingerprints when you have the actual finger?

Ole Miss barely pulls off a 23-21 victory over the Memphis Tigers at the Liberty Bowl. Since that game is one of only two or three times a year that the stadium draws a near-capacity crowd, would someone explain to us — again — why we need to spend millions and millions on a brand-new facility?

A robbery victim being treated in the emergency room for a gunshot wound spots the man who shot him — in the emergency room, being treated for bites inflicted by his victim. Yes, it's a small world. And yes, it's just another day in the life of Memphis.

In other crime-related news, police are called to a Labor Day gathering in Frayser after a woman slices a man's throat with a box-cutter over a barbecue sandwich. It sounds like it was a pretty rough crowd. The officers arrest the woman, but while interviewing witnesses, also arrest two other party-goers with outstanding warrants.

Officials close the Hernando DeSoto Bridge for eight hours to see why a portion of the long span had settled a few inches. Do we even need to tell you about the headache this causes motorists? And about every few months, it seems, traffic comes to a complete halt because of a wreck. Maybe somebody should just operate a ferry across the river. Seems safer.