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She was interested in him in a romantic sense, so she slept with another guy when your friend said he just didn't think it was a good idea at the moment?

So. Obvious.

Makes me wanna slap him back into reality before he got hurt. But that's too late now.

could you sound any more esfj 3 throughout this thread?

he's obviously disillusioned bc he liked a girl who didn't fit his idealization of her. fucking her wouldn't have solved anything other than disillusioning him about the reality of fucking a bitch who doesn't actually have any meaningful connection to him at all. the only thing he can be blamed for is having so many illusions that do not fit the situation whatsoever.

he's obviously disillusioned bc he liked a girl who didn't fit his idealization of her. fucking her wouldn't have solved anything other than disillusioning him about the reality of fucking a bitch who doesn't actually have any meaningful connection to him at all. the only thing he can be blamed for is having so many illusions that do not fit the situation whatsoever.

I'd like to have some clarification here.
I hope you're not implying that men should adhere to traditonal role models. This is an issue on which I have very strong opinions.
Given the fact that male INFPs are supposed to be relatively rare, and given what type of personality it actually stands for, I've always found it hard to identify myself with behavior patters considered "typcially male."
I'm not very comfortable with people telling me, or anyone else for that matter, how to behave. I assume you didn't mean it that way but were trying to offer constructive advice in the sense that he should seize the opportunity instead of blaming himself for not having done so.

Last edited by Mad Hatter; 11-10-2009 at 06:40 PM.
Reason: Horrible typo!! Man it wrecks my BRAIN just to THINK about it ...

he's obviously disillusioned bc he liked a girl who didn't fit his idealization of her. fucking her wouldn't have solved anything other than disillusioning him about the reality of fucking a bitch who doesn't actually have any meaningful connection to him at all.

Yeah, I kind of doubt it would have helped. If anything, it would probably just feel like a bigger violation later on. Relationships are based on trust, not sex.

As I like to say, f**king never solved anything. It just makes more problems humans.

he's obviously disillusioned bc he liked a girl who didn't fit his idealization of her. fucking her wouldn't have solved anything other than disillusioning him about the reality of fucking a bitch who doesn't actually have any meaningful connection to him at all. the only thing he can be blamed for is having so many illusions that do not fit the situation whatsoever.

See my post #2: either he should have had sex with her, or stop crying about someone else did have sex with her. It's not an oxymoron.

We agree.

Also, I don't know a lot of ESF people, so thanks for pointing out how one might sound.

Originally Posted by Avis

I'm not very comfortable with people telling me, or anyone else for that matter, how to behave. I assume you didn't mean it that way but were trying to offer constructive advice in the sense that he should seize the opportunity instead of blaming himself for not having done so.

Unless you're the friend of the topicstarter, I wasn't talking about you. But if you were in the same situation, I would have told you this if you asked me for advice or any opinion on the situation. If you know of yourself you don't like other people telling you how to behave, I trust you wouldn't have asked me anything in the first place.

Originally Posted by Athenian200

Yeah, I kind of doubt it would have helped. If anything, it would probably just feel like a bigger violation later on. Relationships are based on trust, not sex.

That's thinking in circles, keeping your lose-lose situation; I'm trying to come up with an exit, but that requires some wake up slapping on the friend of the topicstarter.

You gotta tell him relationships are based on trust, not sex, maybe he'll feel better about the girl having had sex with another guy! Maybe he can have a meaningful relationship with her now! You can say the girl's an insensitive bitch, but we're not talking about the girl. The guy put himself in this situation. He's the deer in the girl's headlights.

I'm being cynical here. Of course having sex with that girl might not be The Answer to all his problems. A shift in his Nice Guy mentality, however would be a good step in the right direction. Having made that decision, sex might have been an option and it would very well have felt good for both the girl and this guy. I love win-win situations.

But the point is: agony is a choice. Being this definition of Nice Guy is often gonna put you in agony with women, as this guy aptly demonstrates. It's a pattern that a lot of guys are in. It's so recognisable. If you're one of them, you might find out sooner or later. By providing my explanation I hope people will find out sooner, saves a lot of pain. Of course, if you like your current standards, and you want to put up with the agony, you're totally free to do that.

Nobody is forcing anybody to adopt new views against their will, any advice is given out of empathy to minimize the agony of the topicstarter's friend.