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There are some days I feel like I don't know how to walk in anything but a straight line. It's a nice feeling of silence knowing there's nowhere you need to be, but it's unsettling at times too. You can walk any other path but always end up on the one going somewhere.

I had a full 3+ hours class where I managed to say as little as possible. I've been having memory problems recently... I can barely remember what happened an hour ago, and don't remember things from week to week. As if everything is a vague blur and it doesn't matter because it's in the past. I'm sure my professors won't think of it that way though ~_~

If I can't feel the world around me, I'd at least like to have a sense of self. I probably ask for too much.

Done with my morning class, still have my dumb History through Music class later today...

I realized our generation seriously lack scholars with common sense, even the generations before us are pretty deficient. There seems to be this idea that people who are booksmart, are lacking in common sense, or street smarts as you will... what happened to the days where you could be both? We have intelligent people, but none of the real scholars that there was once was.

another one of those days where I don't know if I slept last night or not. It's a vague blur of things I half-remember, but if I remember it at all I was probably awake, ne?

Tue, Nov. 2nd, 2004, 11:45 pm

Tue, Nov. 2nd, 2004, 02:46 am

I have a headache... and my sinuses/allergies have been killing all day, but that was about it. Went grocery shopping, watched some movies. Looking forward to the next two days off. have to see my advisor Wed about registration & sr project.

I spent a few solid hours dazed and out of it, and was almost afraid it wouldn't go away. It's probably from oversleeping, and I feel a bit better now minus the headache.

Did I ever mention how much I like Jeff Goldblum? just watched Beyond Suspicion, lots of cheesy/bad parts but Jeff Goldblum is pretty great in it. I like uneventful days.

Mon, Oct. 18th, 2004, 10:25 pm

I imagine death is something like Myst... Falling into this crevise of endless stars where you don't know if you're falling or rising. But if you can think the same what you did in life, I suppose I'd rather just live in this Dreaming Consciousness since it's not much different.

Sat, Oct. 16th, 2004, 09:41 pm

dammit.. and there goes gaia. if it's not something on my side, it's something on theirs.

I should prob go eat instead just smoking.... ¬_¬

got another Kamiko stage done, working on the first Herald stage too... I'd work on that commission piece but I forgot to save the avatar o_-Once I get these dragon ones done, I'm going to go work on ER pics

Fri, Oct. 15th, 2004, 12:01 pm

So I feel like death...

Less than two hours of sleep having nothing to do with insomnia for once, and then 2 hours of essay writing and wracking my brian for names and dates. But I htink I did alright, at least I didn't oversleep (not exactly anyway) and I made it in time for the the test.

I'm going to go eat and get some caffeine in my system so maybe I'll feel a little better.

Fri, Oct. 15th, 2004, 04:15 am

Hn. So dealing with the world is never fun, but at least it's there again. Even when I am knocked over by petty things that shouldn't bother me as much as they do. I think it has to do with my constant withdrawl and the blanket that's always surrounded me. I have no wall to protect me anymore so everything seems to hurt. I have a rapidly growing spine.

I'm up at 4 in the morning studying for my final in oh... 6 hours hence. I've barely scraped the surface but I'll do alright I think. It's become more difficult to concentrate from what here on out will be called "Waking up". Not that concentrating was all that easy before, but it was a sort of auto-pilot. It's like having to learn all over again. The world is starting to settle around me again, it's no longer a blinding vibrancy. Which makes functioning a little easier but I that feeling was kind of nice. It feels somewhat like being enlightened. I think all this smoking (cigarettes not the other which I think I will now avoid) helps bring me back down to a more comfortable level. Work my way out in steps. I still have no clue about the future, but it's no longer so frightening.

I have a feeling this is what my journal will always be like from now on, so expect lots of crazy rambling.