My Exodus from Porn Addiction

I am a 27-year-old clinical researcher and aspiring medical doctor who has been battling addiction to pornography and its associated behaviors for many years. I grew up with almost no connection to Judaism. I went to public schools, played high school football, ice hockey and rugby in college. I appeared to be a sociable, happy, intelligent and capable young man. But under the surface, I was slowly falling deeper into sexual behaviors that I knew to be anti-social and I grew increasingly ashamed of these hidden behaviors.

My shame did not stem from stringent religious beliefs -- I didn’t really have any when I was 11 years old. I just had a gut feeling that what I was doing was wrong. But I couldn’t turn away from my growing habits as it gave me a sense of relief and security. Little did I know at the time, this security was really just a mask for deeper issues. My main motivation for wanting to stop early on came from fear. Fear of retribution from my parents if they found my secret stashes of porn, and fear of embarrassment from friends if they knew what I was secretly doing. Either way, the fear never helped me improve my behaviors; they just drove me further into my isolation.

A battle raged inside of me, teetering between turning to porn as a friend and refuge from the stresses of the world and feeling completely guilty due to the lack of control over myself. I would masturbate compulsively (“act-out” in Sexaholics Anonymous jargon) and then swear it off time and time again.

My out-of-control behavior increased when my family got internet access in the mid-90’s. I was still able to maintain that outer façade that kept everyone, including myself, in the dark to my inner turmoil. My actions escalated even more in the early 2000’s with the advent of high-speed internet, and so did my social awkwardness and deteriorating self-esteem. Not coincidently, my ego and perceived grandiosity grew as well. By the time I was ready to graduate from college in 2010, my behaviors were so compulsive and out of control that I simply could not deny my problem anymore. At the age of 24, I was resigned to admit that I was a porn addict.

Judaism & the 12-Steps

At around the same time of my admittance to being an addict, I began to explore Judaism. As a student at a mainstream liberal college famous for its anti-Semitic student body, I inherently gravitated towards other Jewish students. The overt lies that were being spread on campus, coupled with the general acceptance of these lies by the student body, caused me to question the moral standing of society as a whole. At that point, I did what most secular Jewish college students do: I searched for spirituality everywhere but my own back yard.

After learning a lot about different belief systems, I took a step back to weigh them against Judaism and came to the conclusion that the Torah is the true manual to life. Learning about Judaism felt as if I was relearning what I already knew to be true. I was also a bit of a rebel and what better way to rebel against society than by becoming more observant in my Jewish practice.

I was trying to fill an inner void I felt within myself.

I had previously turned to therapists and social support for help with my addiction, but did not gain any ground whatsoever. I discovered that living an observant life helped me as a defense from my debilitating addiction. I learned that porn and masturbation were really just ways I tried to fill an inner void I felt within myself. I also learned that studying Torah, growing spiritually and connecting to God through prayer were more effective in filling that void. But I could not deny that the many years of self-abuse had created certain behaviors and neurological pathways that would not be so easy to break. A friend in whom I confided told me about guardyoureyes.org, a website dedicated to helping Jews break free from these compulsions. It was on there that I first heard about the 12-steps and the Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) program.

Although I was growing spiritually and began to finally gain some abstinence from pornography and acting-out, I could not abstain for more than a few days or weeks at a time. One time I made a vow of 40 days, and then proceeded to go right back out there on day 41. I was grateful for the progress, but I was tired of “failing.” I would act-out and swear it off, only this time I would use the Jewish tools of teshuvah (repentance). I was caught in a vicious cycle that only added to my feelings of shame and guilt.

I remember going into Passover last year with a feeling that I was personally leaving Egypt. I was going to be free from my addictive behaviors that had robbed me of so many opportunities and relationships once and for all. The feeling was great, until I “fell” less than a month later. In hindsight, that “fall” was the turning point I needed. I decided I would do anything to stop. That next Sunday, I dragged myself into my first Sexaholics Anonymous meeting with a feeling of despair and foggy confusion.

Sexaholics Anonymous

It was at SA that I finally gained some lasting sobriety from my addiction. I was taught valuable tools and coping mechanisms that allowed me to deal with the stresses in my life without turning to my so-called best friend, porn. Once I had gained some sobriety, which in turn led to a newfound clarity I had never experienced before, I was ready to take on the first step: admitting that my life had indeed become unmanageable.

I was ready to take on the first step: admitting that my life had indeed become unmanageable.

Working this step meant writing down my complete sexual history so that I could see it in black and white without deluding myself. The first step also meant sharing my story with the whole group and getting feedback. It allowed me to get everything out without feeling shame as others shared with me how my experience mirrored theirs. Not only did the first step relieve me of shame, it showed me that my ever escalating out-of-control behaviors were constantly being masked by denial and ego.

Meeting other people struggling with the same issues gave me a sense of belonging; I knew I was not alone. It broke the isolation that allowed my addiction to thrive. I also had a plethora of numbers to call to connect with a fellow addict whenever I felt the temptation to take that “first drink.”

And most importantly, I got a sponsor after my first meeting who, not-coincidently, is also Jewish. I will never forget the first time I met with my sponsor, who has been sober for 18 years. He told me that my best bet to recovery would be through tag-teaming Judaism and the 12-steps together. I also began to see how God coordinates everything perfectly, using people to make an impact in other people’s lives. I was also amazed at the number of Jews, observant and non-observant, at every meeting, attesting that the 12-steps gave them an added tool in overcoming lust addiction.

Towards Freedom

Aside from providing proper coping tools and a support system, the brunt of the 12-steps work revolves around doing what Jews do every year as we prepare for Passover: getting rid for chametz. The spiritual chametz is the ego and the 12-steps lay the groundwork to true humility and self-nullification. Just as a person cannot unlock himself from prison, so too the addict cannot free himself from addiction. Just as God brought us out of Egypt at out lowest state of impurity, so too He is the only One who can bring us out of our individual Egypt.

I am by no means out of the woods; I am an addict for life.

An addict cannot gain lasting recovery without humility. He needs to free himself from being enslaved to his ego. The 12-steps are bringing me to a place of humility and with it I am finding a real relationship with God and true serenity.

However the addiction was expressed in our individual behaviors, SA gave us the support from other people who were actively doing what none of us thought was possible: living a new life free from addiction. It's an ongoing challenge as "change is a process, not an event," but my quality of life has improved dramatically and continues to improve each day. I had one relapse after 120 days, but unlike the other countless times I "relapsed," I had the support of my sponsor and fellow addicts to hold me accountable and get back up. I am by no means out of the woods as I have accepted that I am an addict for life and will only be free from my particular disease as long as I continue to take my medicine, namely Torah, faith in God, prayer and the ongoing support of SA.

Many years ago, I saw a scientifically based article that stated that children who had been exposed to pornography were demonstrating the same (or was it similar?) symptoms as those who had been molested. Although children as young as eleven (as the author of the current Aish HaTorah article stated he was when he discovered his problem) were not admitted into x-rated movie theaters, it was possible that they could have been exposed to pornographic magazines or perhaps some late night cable television programs if those were unfortunately in their home, or a home where they spent time, or by other means of access. Additionally, regular newspapers and magazines, and daytime and early evening television programs contained and contain images and language that work against the development of healthy self image and wholesome relationships and might be likened to "soft porn." Keeping children safe, and protecting and fostering wholesome relationships for adults in society required, and still requires, lots of prayer and action. Now, in the days of easy, and, very often very necessary, internet access, in homes, schools, workplaces, modes of transportation, on one's own phone that's carried around everywhere, etc. the Jewish Community is developing more systems of filtering and accountability to help people have more control over technology for good things for our children and society at large (for example, Aish HaTorah works hard, I'm sure with Rabbinical guidance, to use technology for people's benefit) instead of the technology having control over us, and being a vehicle for harm, G-d forbid. The author of the current Aish HaTorah article seems to be a brave survivor who, by going to G-d and His Torah, seeking healing, and telling his story, blesses us all towards healing, and to being more aware, more prayerful, and more active for a better future for all.

(27)
Anon,
August 15, 2018 3:27 PM

The Battle Never Ends

Good Luck.

(26)
Raymond,
August 15, 2018 5:39 AM

Dissenting Viewpoint

I am a middle-aged, overweight man who lives from paycheck to paycheck. That makes me a very poor candidate for a real relationship with a woman. My desire for women is still there, but I have no way of doing anything about it. And so what is so wrong if I watch adult movies by myself, in the privacy of my own home? It certainly has never led to me imitating the actors in those movies. So, I watch them and enjoy them, with no harm done.

AJB,
August 15, 2018 3:34 PM

Thats not the point

Living from Check to Check is better than being unemployed, you have time, let me tell you kids are the greatest present ever, you really want to have them, it brings a massive fulfillment to life, as much as marriage.

Don't give up, get out there, be honest, take an interest in the women you are speaking to, a real interest, form a bond, look past attraction at first and attraction will come through a bond created & get married as quickly as possible from first meeting, just throw yourself into it & roll with the punches and also keep Shabbat in its entirety, it brings blessings and also is by far the best family time. Hatzlacha.

Raymond,
August 18, 2018 1:40 PM

I Am Not Wealthy

I am middle aged. For me to attract a woman of child-bearing age to me, I would have to make a lot of money, but I don't.

Dav,
October 26, 2018 2:13 PM

First stage is want to quit

If you want to turn your live for the better, this is the first will you must have. The want to quit.The evil forces try to fool you. Do not let them please.

(25)
Anonymous,
August 15, 2018 12:53 AM

Neuro-pathways

We now understand why these behaviors are so difficult to stop. I for one, don't believe they are addictions. However, that is not to say that breaking this habit is anything but extremely difficult! Any behavior that is repeated builds & then strengthens new neurologic pathways through dendritic budding & the establishment of neuropathways which eventually take on a life of their own with their own arousal systems. In this sense, a behavior which has become habituated, especially one that is associated w/pleasure/reward through the chemical release of neurotransmitters associated w/as basic a drive as the sex-drive, in this way becomes "physical" similar to addictions. In order to stop this behavior, it becomes necessary to actually break these newly formed neuro-pathways & their arousal systems. The only way to accomplish this is by allowing these pathways to atrophy via non-use. The most effective way to get these pathways to atrophy, ie, for these pathways which are physio-chemical in nature to basically die off is through non-use. Of course, this is VERY difficult. All one has to do is "fall prey" to repetition & the pathways are restored/strengthened. The best advice is to build new pathways w/new behaviors which can be strengthened through the repetition of other behaviors which are contrary to the old pathways which "pull" us in the direction towards immorality. Yes, repetition of sin changes us physically. Our brains actually change. Similarly, living a moral life also changes the brain. Learning Torah be'a'mei'luth is the best method, I believe to break these pathways. For the learning of Torah be'a'mai'luth changes the brain over time. Eventually, the brain of a mentch will mold itself around the Torah that he is studying. This is why it MUST be be'a'mai'luth! Casual study will not suffice. I just thought I might lend a neuro physio-chemical perspective that many might not have seen. I could go on, but I am late for seder!

(24)
Anonymous,
August 14, 2018 5:29 PM

The 12 steps work!

When I first discovered Judaism, I was amazed at how much it resembles the 12 steps. Both programs are focused on correcting character defects. There's nothing like facing up to one's flaws to produce genuine humility. I was in Al-Anon for many years before encountering Judaism, and the similarities blew me away! Both provide tools to use when temptation beckons. Torah and 12 steps are an unbeatable combination for conquering addictions.

(23)
Anonymous,
January 13, 2017 9:14 AM

Though I'm not a jew, I could relate to what you were saying about porn addiction because I had it too and want to remove it forever and HELP others too.
Thnx for sharing your thoughts and let's help the world get rid of this STUPID Addiction.

(22)
Aaron,
February 18, 2014 4:00 AM

One great way that helps.

I found this online while searching for free filters. Go to this website and follow the directions for the OpenDNS option near the bottom of the page. It works wonders. I did it manually by copying and pasting one of the IP addresses to replace my own DNS so I haven't tried clicking on the link to download the file, but the link should work. It's free and amazing. Behatzlacha. http://www.kosher-internet.org/

(21)
juan,
January 2, 2014 12:38 AM

I agree with you wholheartedly. it is about spirituality and striving to connect with god on a constant basis. yes. its about letting go of our egos and growing free.

(20)
Sheila,
October 20, 2013 4:25 PM

How brave!

Hi, I am the ex-wife of a porn addict and wow...it was very difficult to live with that. I was shattered and almost took my own life because I loved him so much but couldn't help someone who could and would not help himself. So I am telling you that you are very brave. Addictions are tough to break but rest assured, with time and forming different healthy habits, even those strong urges will subside. God bless you!

(19)
Nate,
April 29, 2013 5:56 PM

Thanks for being an understanding Girl

What you said was extremely helpful! Thanks for being truthful and understanding about male addictive thinking and patterns, and for being open about your own experiences. Oftentimes it seems women underestimate our desires and see it as voluntary immorality or aggression to be excessively lustful. It's good to know that there is a SA like there is an AA (I had no idea that there was one), & the Spiritual lack aspect of addiction. Kindness is always a wonderful characteristic of any discussion about anything, especially recovery from severe problems. Thank you very much Leah. Shalom.
Nate

(18)
Anonymous,
March 31, 2013 9:37 PM

So what is it?

Porn creates an unreal desire for sex to be in a certain way!It is created so that it looks perfect, men keep on desiring for it. Brings way too much variety and inhabilitates a men to create strong bonds with partners or even their wives. The spiritual part matters a lot. But if you're the kind of person who even dares asking what is wrong with porn. Then you need to know. Porn is addictive and it will ruin your relationships, it will make you become a cheater, and will probably flush your marriage down the toilet. If you ever care to have one. THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG ABOUT IT!

(17)
David,
March 29, 2013 8:27 PM

its a trap

temporary relief ata price

(16)
Duvid Chaim,
March 29, 2013 3:38 PM

There is a SOLUTION!!

Obviously, by reading all the comments, it is very apparent how significant of a "Problem" Porn and Sexaholism is for those of us who suffer from it. What's maybe even worse than the addiction itself is the SHAME and ISOLATION that goes along with it. Fortunately, there is a SOLUTION that not only addresses the addictive behavior; but also the Shame, Isolation, and underlying Resentments and Fears.You can find an SA Meeting in most citites. See https://www.sa.org/meetings.phpFor those of us who are Jewish and too reluctant to go to a Face to face meeting, www.guardyoureyes.com is an ideal alternative.The PHONE CONFERENCE CALLS based on SA are found here: http://guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/item/big-book-study-group?category_id=156.Please join us for STRENGTH, HOPE AND FREEDOM!!

(15)
JTM,
March 29, 2013 9:05 AM

Thanks

It isn't easy admitting this problem. Thanks for addressing it & giving G-D the credit. G-D is good - Always :-)

(14)
Anonymous,
March 29, 2013 1:20 AM

meaning of addiction!?!

An addiction is anything you wish to stop and can't do so easily, which the author compares to prison. The source of the addition may not be something inherently bad, like hard drugs, but something good in moderation, like sex, candy, wine, you name it. Doesn't mean its not an addiction!!

(13)
Leah,
March 29, 2013 12:19 AM

breaks connection with god

Bigkoala,

Im not a rabbi or anything, im just a teenage girl. but i saw your question and i wanted to answer it as well as i could.

The inherent problem with porn is that it is feeding the yetzer hara(evil inclinatoin). when you feed something, and give into a craving, it only gets stronger. I know for myself that i have seen many innapropiate images and they are very hard to forget - they just leave me wantign more and more. A man who gives into this craving will find his relationship with G-d affected, because while he is trying to pray or someting suddenly those images come into his head and are distracting. It can also harm his relationship with his spouse, because he cant appreciate her for who he is. He starts unconsciously comparing her to those perfect beautiful people that he is watching. This will make him feel tremendously guilty, and he may start drawing away from her and not telling her what's going on. He may think he's a horrible person and not worthy of all the good life has given him, and often people in this situation fall into depression.

So I hope I explained this well enough. I am not a professional, but these ideas touch on what I have read in self help books. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. Hope I helped, and be well!!

- Leah

(12)
Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 10:03 PM

To bigkoala-Porn can be an addiction.

There is a distinct difference beteween "normal" behaviour and an addiction. An addiction is problemmatic when it starts to interfere in normal daily function. People with such an addiction spend hours indulging in porn in a compulsive way, to the point that it starts to harm other aspects of their life. They may be late for work or be sleep deprived and underperfom at work or studies. Their relationship with a partner can be harmed because they are pre-occupied with the internet and not with their relationship, or sexual deviation might even develop. Porn addiction is a very serious and not uncommon phenomenon today.

(11)
Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 4:42 PM

multiple addictions

A 12 step program has saved my life and continues to. Low self esteem and other emotional feelings left unchecked drive me to seek pleasure in harmful ways. Identifying these behaviors and getting the support of fellow addicts in meetings lifts the compulsion to act out one day at a time. But living life on life's terms isn't always easy, so being committed to the program is essential.

(10)
Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 4:09 PM

Response to what is wrong with porn

In response to the person who asked what is wrong with porn? Your answer does not address the question. You ask what is wrong with porn yet you answer that sex is natural. There is a huge difference between sex and porn. Secondly, you said that it is enjoyable, while that is true, if a person becomes addicted to it, many times the pleasure is absent. There are times that an addict will do it, only because it is second nature to him, not because it is enjoyable. And addiction is not based on the enjoyment, but rather the lack of control. The act controls you and not the other way around. You want to live life normally, but the addiction sucks you in. If a person has never suffered from addiction then they can only view the act from the eyes of "normal life" actions. But once addicted, pleasure is not a factor, because the person has lost control.

(9)
Lior,
March 28, 2013 1:38 PM

To bigkoala: I heard the writer agonizing about his sense of isolation, lack of meaningful relationships and lack of self-esteem. Its possible that these problems existed prior to his addictive behavior and he was using the addictive behavior to make himself feel better temporarily. The addiction part of this is that after 'sobering up' one is plunged further into one's misery, then uses the destructive behavior to feel better again in a cyclical manner. Obviously, the person is driving him or herself further and further away from genuine feelings of joy, delight, and closeness to Hashem. While its true that sexuality is in itself a gift and natural function, humans have a unique need to feel that their actions are based in goodness and carry meaning. Any action that further isolates a person, prohibiting them from expressing and receiving love with another human being and towards their Creator, is self-destructive. Sometimes small children who have been prevented from exploring their bodies in a healthy way, or who have been physically or emotionally violated and shamed, will find comfort in regressive behaviors long after that developmental period has passed, compounding their guilt and shame and stunting their emotional and spiritual growth.

(8)
Ronald Roth,
March 28, 2013 12:51 PM

It's an addiction

Of course addictions give pleasure. The point here is that he was constructing his life around porn. We all seek pleasure and avoid pain. Breaking free of the compulsion frees us to enjoy life in a healthy way.

(7)
Jen,
March 28, 2013 12:26 PM

Addiction

I believe a behavior can be considered an addiction if you want to stop and can't.

(6)
dan,
March 28, 2013 9:44 AM

Consult with a professional first

yes masturbation is against halacha, but one cannot treat it as an addiction unless it is out of control, it is extremely important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before labeling one’s self as an addict otherwise the 12 steps might cause more harm than good.

(5)
Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 6:39 AM

Wow

That must have taken HUGE amounts of courage to accept the fact that you are an addict and face it. May Gd give you strength

Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 8:46 PM

AMEN!!!!

AMEN!!!!

(4)
Duvid Chaim,
March 28, 2013 6:28 AM

I'm here to help!

I also shared this struggle and found my own Freedom thru the SA 12 Step Program. I personally invite anyone reading this article to contact me directly at duvidchaim@gmail.com. Or join me and over 500 other men benefitting from our Anonymous Conference Call thru GuardYourEyes.org. "It works if you work it - and your worth it"

(3)
Yehuda Z. Grabie,
March 28, 2013 6:11 AM

you are a very brave person

Eliyahu you are a very brave person. I'm sure that your article will help a lot of people. Eliyahu the Gemoro says that a persons' name is his his spiritual essence. We know that Pinchus in the Torah who killed Zimri ben sului and Kuzbe bas Tzur for their immoral act, is actually Eliyahu Hanavi. That means that you Eliyahu have the power within you to not only overcome your obstacles, but to be the moral guardian for our people.

(2)
bigkoala,
March 28, 2013 5:59 AM

what's wrong with porn?

As an addiction, porn is pretty harmless. I really don't believe it's a true addiction, it's simply a hard-wired human interest. Someone who's truly addicted does not get any pleasure from it, but does it out of need. Porn and sex continue to be pleasurable, because sex is something that all healthy humans have an interest in, even at an advanced age. It's perfectly normal, there is nothing wrong with it. Life is short, enjoy what it has to offer. What's the harm?

Rafi,
March 28, 2013 8:13 AM

Because humans have souls

What goes through your eyes makes in inner impact. Masturbation is also against the Torah.

Rebecca C,
March 28, 2013 9:04 AM

not so harmless

A lot of people don't see any harm in porn. But I think that is because they fail to realize the true dignity of the human person. God made each of us in his image and likeness. And our dignity is rooted in that. It is why it is degrading to using a human person as an object for self-gratification. Doing so is the opposite of love, which is giving ourselves for the good of the other.
God commanded us to love one another, and to love him. If we treat others as objects (by using their images for sexual gratification) we not only degrade them, but we degrade ourselves and we deeply offend God. Even if they willingly participate in the porn industry (which is by far not always the case) we still become someone who uses others as objects. And using human persons in this way, is using God's image and likeness in this way, and it is degrading people who God loves dearly. And that offends God.
What is proper to our human nature is to love others and to treat them with the dignity that God has bestowed on them. That means that sex, natural though it is, has to be used in a way that is in accord with love. Marriage - unconditional lifelong exclusive commitment to love another provides the setting in which sex can be a deeply loving and not a selfishly using action. Porn, is the opposite - pure use and no love.

Dodi,
March 28, 2013 1:04 PM

The harm

Bigkoala, the harm is immeasurable. Porn by it's nature is a solitary pursuit, leading to "what's the harm in looking at other people solely as a sex object" to even "looking at pictures of bestiality does no harm". It isolates the user from healthy relationships, potential partners, self esteem, job issues, and the worst of all...isolation from the Eternal. Does your physical body count more than your spirit? The spirit is damaged when you know that your physical addiction is barring you from the many spiritual connections that we all have. Porn is the big lie born of instant gratification. Sex is meant to be between people who are responsible to each other, ask any prostitute. Porn doesn't even have the physical connection to another, it is solitary. It is the prison of the mind that many never escape.

Duvid Chaim,
March 28, 2013 3:19 PM

The Addict can't stop!

You're right. Sex is a fundamental "urge" that is healthy in "normal" individuals. In fact, Porn is really not the problem - it's the Solution! To the underlying problem that really drives this addiction. Yes it's a solution - unfortunately it's a counterfeit solution.
Please know what separates a sex-aholic from others is his/her INABILITY TO STOP from the destructive behavior associates with his/her drive! Such as taking risks that are physically harmful or would violate the covenant of marriage and family. For those "hooked on porn" it implies countless wasted hours and an inability to satiate the desire for more images/acts.
The 12 Step Program helps us realize our "Powerlessness" and gives us steps to address the underlying problem - our Resentments and Fears.
Please feel free to contact me to learn more.
Confidentiality and Anonymity is guaranteed!

Dov,
March 28, 2013 4:19 PM

You missed the point.

This is not about using porn and sex at all. It is about not being able to stop using it compulsively, that's all. The 'religious' issue of the morality of porn use is a complete distraction from the point here. When a pleasure becomes compulsive, it does not matter if it is natural, G-d-given, or whatever you wish to call it. It is sick and ruins people's lives. You may not recognize that, wishing to protect your 'rights' to enjoy whatever you want to enjoy, but the family of a person with any addiction eventually comes to know quite well that life is broken. The porn and sex addictions are even worse in a way, because they are directly associated with connection to others. The lying and faking and hiding we must do - to appear OK - rots the relationships from the inside, slowly.
This article is a great start, and figuring it all out and debating it is not going to help those who are already sick and don't stop. We need to get help, period. We either take real action and get better, or keep trying to 'figure it all out' and typically go nowhere but back on the familiar roller-coaster. Secretly and privately banging our heads against the old, trusty wall.
I also found sobriety and recovery from this problem. I have my life back through SA recovery, one day at a time and share it with anyone who wants it, too. It's sweet reading about another person getting back on track with Hashem's help!

Huh?,
March 28, 2013 4:38 PM

But what's wrong with drinking then? And Gambling and thieving? ...

Excuse me, but; brother it seems you're on a slippery slop with that argument; As the article says, lust & porn are anti-social, isolationist, anti-Love and anti-family habits/behaviors ... The drives you speak of were given to you by G-d to steward into positive reinforcement of Loving Relationships, not self-conceit, self cherishing; etc. Are you too perfect to have a consenting girlfriend/wife? Try regular counselling first; confide in someone - find a road out of narcissistic behaviors ....Be well; and may G-d help you on your pathway to wellness ...

Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 4:51 PM

There's everything wrong with it

Besides the fact from a Jewish standpoint that it destroys our souls, as the eyes are a window to our souls, in the general world it is viewed with disgust and that a man who gets caught up in it lowers himself to the physical level of an animal.

mg,
March 28, 2013 6:26 PM

Society will never understand sex addiction

My name is Micael ,I am a sex addict in recovery.
I"ve been in recovery for almost 9 years.I realy apreciate your mini 1st step.It helps me when I can relate to others ,it helps me with the noises in my head..I feel a calmness knowing im not alone.My yetzer harah wants to isiolate me.I am a Sober and Happy Jew today,One day at a time.
It does annoy me when people dont understand sex addiction..BH" im happy I dont have to fix the world.

Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 8:14 PM

Yes, porn can be very harmful

Some of the harms of pornography and porn addiction:
If you are watching porn with your right hand, you are not with a real person (your wife!), thus denying her/him the pleasure of your company.
Viewing pornography can distort your view of normal sexual behavior.
Viewing pornography repeatedly can desensitize you so that you need more and more or increasingly perverted porn in order to be satisfied.
Porn can cause an inability to relate romantically with a real person.
Your spouse/lover will think you are comparing her/him to the pictures and liking them better. They will feel really bad about this.
At the very least, it can be a waste of time.
Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com.
I'm not saying that porn is always bad, just as an occasional drink is not bad, but it can very easily get out of hand (pardon the pun) just as drinking can.

Anonymous,
March 28, 2013 8:37 PM

Can we agree to disagree?

Porn is yet another form of idolatry. It turns sexual pleasure which was meant for procreation into a dirty act. Porn reduces real men and women with souls into things and fantasies void of being. Putting it bluntly and for lack of a better word "porn sucks"...

Ethan,
March 29, 2013 1:05 AM

RE: "what's wrong with porn?" Where do I even begin

For most people viewing porn for the first time is more out of curiosity. The next few times it becomes voyeurism leading to the "pleasuring oneself". Eventually, the image stimuli that once worked is no longer exciting. So more and more sexually intense images become necessary for self gratification. Eventually the porn starts become an OCD. I worked with a person whose porn addiction eventually became their downfall. They never had been married, nor had a long term meaningful relationship, nor even a "I'm dating so & so now". This persons computer crashed so many due to porn that it finally met the blue screen of death. This co-worker started talking more & more about the porn they viewed at night while at work during the day. Several other employees,both female & male, became offended by the daily barrage of profane lewd lascivious descriptions that became worse & worse. Several sexual harassment complaints were filed. The employer faced with possible lawsuits terminated the employee.
Regarding nothing wrong with porn...ask yourself would you want your Mother, Sister, Wife or Girlfriend (or Father, Brother, Husband, Boyfriend) in porn for the whole world to see? If you answered Yes, then you are not immoral, but amoral.
I noticed you used the words "addiction", "porn", "sex", and "pleasure". No where did you use the words "caring", "nurturing", "respect" & dare I write it "LOVE". When I was a young teenager in the '70's my Mom told me "without all four of those it's just sex...and there's plenty of loose immoral people with social diseases & unwanted pregnancies".

Joshua,
March 29, 2013 7:36 AM

Supplication

There is no supple force to a flat screen monitor or paper magazine that illicits desires which are false. Union is holy and has been so from the beginning. The harm may not be to you directly, but this kind of adultery, will, if not touch you, will touch all of society as it spreads like gangrene. So while normal sexual relations are celebrated these are degraded and degrading. And besides, when I see someone fall, this being my world, I burn with indignation for my world.

Anonymous,
March 29, 2013 1:12 PM

You're joking, right?

Matthew,
March 31, 2013 9:07 PM

Get real guy

Would you be so OK with porn if you found in on your wife's computer? If you say yes, you are in danger of addiction yourself. The MO of all addicts is the inability to be honest with oneself. You know the expression - lie to anyone, not yourself. To love others, you have to start by loving yourself and looking at porn of having a good time is not self love - its self hate. As Rabbi Weinberg used to say, a parent only wants his or her child to have pleasure. Until he is 20, 30... Then they start to ask, "Hmm. time to look for a job maybe son, and spend less time on the computer?" What would you want for your child? That is what you should want for you. Good luck.

(1)
Jonathan Doyle,
March 25, 2013 12:39 AM

Good Post Well Done

Hi Aish,Great post. Gusty and powerful sharing of your story. I run a blog at http://stopusingpornography.com/blog/ Would you be interested in doing an interview. I would like to connect people to your story and send some traffic your way!