Link Love (2014-06-14)

Thought-provoking

“StandWith is a care management app that comes out of Cohen’s experiences. Caregivers use it to assign tasks or send updates to anyone who might want to help out, connecting through Facebook, email, or Google+. You can categorize these people into three groups: family, friends, and acquaintances. You might only share certain things with family, for example. (In future versions, users will be able to create their own buckets.)” From Fuck Cancer’s Founder, A New App For People Who Ask “How Can I Help?” – Fast Company

“Even though I always talk about this stuff, I was pretty blown away to see these results in a survey. When we respond honestly, we all admit the same thing:
We all want to love and be loved.” What Everyone Wants in Bed – Kim Anami

Equality

“We are told to be silent and not talk about things. Difference, and naming difference in Ireland is pathologised. Even those who are meant to be the good guys are not exempt from the cultural effect of this. Women when they are abused in activism or online are told not to retaliate. We are called “toxic and hostile” for having the audacity to name misogynist abuse where we see it. We get death threats for speaking out about abortion. But we are told to “be kind” at all costs. When people abuse victims of domestic violence online, we are told to leave their abusers alone. Women must never appear to be angry. We must be nice to those who abuse us. We must be always nice no matter the cost to us; we must not bring shame upon the community.
This is not so far away from the mentality that locked women up in homes and threw children in septic tanks to be forgotten. It absolutely depended on complicity of wider society. It could not have existed without the collaboration of the whole community; the teachers; the priests; the nuns; the people that ran the undertakers; the local councillors; the people who brought the laundry to the nuns; perhaps your grandmother who cuddled you to sleep at night.” No country for young women: Honour crimes and infanticide in Ireland – Feminist Ire

“Regardless of whether any theoretical mental illness had anything to do with his rampage, it doesn’t negate the fact that he was part of a culture that promotes an incredibly toxic form of masculinity, one that encouraged and promoted his belief in his entitlement to women’s bodies and his unmistakable hatred for women as a whole.
Elliot Rodger was interested in the Men’s Rights movement and involved in sites like PUAHate – a gathering place for the incel or “involuntarily celibate” community. PUAHate is a deeply mysoginistic congregation, indulging in self-pity and ranting about the duplicity and cruelty of women. On its surface, PUAHate is about criticizing the PUA community. However, the reason for the anger towards PUAs isn’t because of the misogyny and poisonous attitudes towards sex, but because the forum members tried it and didn’t get laid as promised… and they blame women for this. Rodger himself believed that there needed to be an armed revolution against women:” Elliot Rodger and the Price of Toxic Masculinity – Dr NerdLove

“While ugly commentary is cheaper than a dime a dozen, it’s not every day that one comment says so much about the morbidities of our society in 140 characters or less. She deserved to die for being a “whore,” said the author of the tweet, James Andrew Mayes, but he also masturbated to her videos. It’s patriarchy in one tweet: men want us to sexually perform for them, then they want us to die for it. The other tweets and comments, some related to Funke’s suicide, others to Isla Vista, make for nightmarish reading. Men, in particular, should not look away.” The Population of Loss: What patriarchy does to us all – Feministing

“Being a conscientious, pro-social, morally exceptional person means going the extra mile for people even at your own expense sometimes. When the only other option is to perpetuate unjust fears rather than constructively alleviate them so that they diminish in the future, you have to suck it up and even if you think that someone’s fears are unfounded, work to make them more comfortable. Of course this does not mean that blacks should agree to any loss of rights or dignity out of deference to white racist feelings. And it does not mean that men need to consider themselves inherently bad or defer to women in any ways that actually stripped themselves of basic rights. What it does mean is meeting anxiety-riddled people where they are so as to dispel them by silently signaling you care about them and about harmony with them.” Schrödinger’s Rapist and Schrödinger’s Racist – Camels With Hammers

“The point is, some kinds of reactions are simply unreasonable and do not need to be accommodated (unless for practical reasons they have to). But some kinds of reactions are reasonable and should be accommodated (and we should actually feel good about accommodating them). This applies in the male-female dynamic just as much as any other. I do make an effort to make women around me feel comfortable, and I don’t see this as some sort of reverse gender bias or affirmative action, but as simply what a good guest and/or host does: make those around him feel comfortable. We do the same thing when we avoid political arguments at family gatherings.” Sexism, Racism, and the Golden Rule – Richard Carrier

“Women—hot young women, really—owed him sex and, because they reneged on their obligations, Elliot Rodger would get his revenge by going on a killing spree. That was the thesis of a video titled “Elliot Rodger’s retribution,” featuring the angry rantings of the 22-year-old college student before he allegedly went on a murderous rampage through Isla Vista, California, which resulted in six murders, thirteen people injured, and Rodger himself dead.
“You denied me a happy life, and in turn, I will deny all of you life,” he threatened. “It’s only fair.”” How ‘Pick-Up Artist’ Philosophy and it’s More Misogynist Backlash Shaped Mind of Alleged Killer Elliot Rodger – The Prospect

“Now, you want to become acquainted with a woman you see in public. The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.
“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”
Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is. When I go on a date, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing. My best friend will call or e-mail me the next morning, and I must answer that call or e-mail before noon-ish, or she begins to worry. If she doesn’t hear from me by three or so, she’ll call the police. My activities after dark are curtailed. Unless I am in a densely-occupied, well-lit space, I won’t go out alone. Even then, I prefer to have a friend or two, or my dogs, with me. Do you follow rules like these?
So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?” Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced – Shapely Prose

Beauty & Body Image

“Those who quantify beauty as genetic makeup, symmetry, mathematical ratios are, to me, as wrong as those who accept beauty as a set of societally-imposed ideals and standards. To rank beauty, classify it, assign it biological markers and geometric requirements is to say to some people, “No, you cannot have this. It is not for you.” And although many will disagree with me, I believe that beauty is a feeling, a freedom, a pulse from within that says, “I am worthy, lovely, strong.” And I believe every single human being has a right to feel it.” How to Be Beautiful – Already Pretty

“And besides, why spoil a perfectly good asana with a shaming reminder of bathing suits? Because that’s what it is–shaming. It’s not “motivational,” at least not in a positive way. It’s assuming, no matter what the shape/size of your body, that (a) you’ve slacked off and have work to do and (b) you’re not happy with your body now. ” She Got Herself Up and Walked Out – Curvy Yoga