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Many years ago I was in Wyoming elk hunting with a guide in prime grizzly-bear territory. Camped in an area with a host of bear tracks in the surrounding snow, I asked one evening how to stay safe from grizzly bears.
“First, tie bells to your shoes so they can hear you. Second, learn the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.”
I asked about the scatological difference.
“Grizz scat has bells in it.”

…would rather find a reason to be offended than see humor, even if that humor isn’t their style. Such folks are professional victims. Here’s an advertising sign that one physical fitness gym owner has put up to advertise his business.

Folks actually are up in arms over this. Is the joke for everyone? Of course not; no joke is; not even those told by Milton Berle or Bob Hope.

That’s a big so what, though; humor varies from person to person. Nevertheless, professional victims are calling him out for fat-shaming folks, for bullying folks.

Your momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Your mamma is so fat she doesn’t need the internet, because she’s already world wide.

A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?”
The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.”
“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?”
She said, “Your name never came up.”

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I don’t ordinarily go to People magazine for material, but I was sent here by Fox News Insider, and this tale is just too amusing to ignore.

[D]esigner Sophie Theallet has flipped the script on those ubiquitous calls to boycott, announcing that instead it is she and her brand who will be boycotting Trump and his wife, Melania, refusing to lend her any of her designs.

And

A source tells People, “This has already been going on for months. Designers wouldn’t lend to Melania, Ivanka, or Tiffany, so they either bought the items themselves or wore Ivanka’s brand.”

John Pistole, TSA Administrator, at his retirement party: his employees toasted him with less than three ounces of champagne. Then they gave him a gold watch, and he had to take it off and put it in a bin.

And

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

A couple of NSA pick-up lines:

Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.

Eric Hines’ Books

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TANSTAAFL

2 + 2 = 4
--Polish proverb

Be not intimidated... nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberties by any pretense of politeness, delicacy, or decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery and cowardice.
--John Adams

Nothing in the universe has a shorter half-life than a politician's memory for inconvenient facts.
--Admiral Hamish Alexander, RMN

Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
And to just stay there until the evil yellow disk is gone again.
--Anonymous

In a polity, each citizen is to possess his own arms, which are not supplied or owned by the state.
--Aristotle

The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race.
--Chief Justice John Roberts.

A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
--Shane Mclean

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax.
--Abraham Lincoln

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Who is this Pogue?

I'm a USAF vet, a quasi-retired Systems Engineer, and writer. In my spare time, I turn exotic woods into piles of sawdust and kindling, out of which occasionally sticks a piece of furniture that doesn't look too bad from a distance, with my glasses off.
Oh, and I have a rather dyspeptic view of Big Government.

Contact

eehines1473 -at- yahoo dot com

The image in the header is from NASA's Mars Rover Opportunity on its 11-year anniversary on the Red Planet. [I]t has used its Pancam (fancy name for its panoramic camera) to snap this wide view from atop "Cape Tribulation," a part of Endeavour Crater's rim that sits at a height of 440 feet. That's 80 percent of the height of the Washington Monument, NASA says.

The photo was taken on January 6 and released by NASA January 22, 2015.