Justin Marshall Releases New Energy Drink Called “Boomfa”

Former All Blacks halfback and sports commentator, Justin Marshall, will be releasing a brand new energy drink called “Boomfa” in early 2017.

Marshall had a press conference late yesterday at a Christchurch Briscoes. The event contained a handful of people from the media and numerous celebrities including; Richie McCaw’s second cousin Clarence, the chick who got drunk on the first episode of the Bachelor Season 1, Ben Lummis, a large rubbish bin, and a visibly intoxicated Briscoes lady.

Before the ceremony Justin Marshall approached the podium in a cape and a fedora screaming out “Boomfa bitches” repeatedly to people in the bedding section of the Briscoes. After he settled down he went on to give this statement to the audience.

“People ask me all the time how I have got to where I am today. I mean I was a stud AB’s halfback and now I’m a sick as fuck commentator.

I know deep down when I say the phrase ‘Boomfa’ in the commentary box it changes peoples lives. I mean seriously almost every time I walk down the street some joker will shout “Boomfa” at me.

I realised there is great power to “Boomfa” so I decided to focus this power effectively and commercialise it. So that is why I have decided to make the greatest energy drink the world has ever seen. It is coming out in early 2017 and is called “Boomfa”. If you have ever wanted to be like me then you need to drink Boomfa”

When asked if Boomfa had an side effects Marshall said “The only side effects are it will make you amazing in bed and a fucking legend… oh and it may cause temporary blindness”

Marshall also addressed the ingredients that make Boomfa which include “Milo, two Weetbix, Sprite Zero, Marshalls sweat, grass clippings from Eden Park, and Marshalls “secret sauce”

Marshall left the stage soon after making this comment closing his eyes and stumbling off the stage while saying “You can’t see me bitches.. Boomfa”