Robin Hood: it's Gladiator in green tights

The trailer for Ridley Scott's retelling of the legend has Russell Crowe brandishing a bow instead of a sword and scowling in Sherwood Forest rather than the Roman Colosseum. But they don't fool Anna Pickard

When a star and a director have enjoyed serious – nay, epic – success together in the past, I can't help but wonder whether sometimes, they meet up for a coffee and try to suss out if the other would be up for joining forces again.

So imagine Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott sitting in a coffee shop, nervously giggling and fluttering their eyelashes and playing with their hair while reminiscing over shared memories of just how tough Crowe looked in American Gangster (and sharing pained silences, wordless admissions of shame over A Good Year). Until, stumbling over another clumsy mention of how much he misses polishing his broadsword, one finally builds the nerve to say something. "I just keep thinking of how we were, together, all those years ago," says Russ (or Ridley) – gruff, manly, but with an edge of plaintive pleading in his voice. "Can't we just go back to that?"

Hence, I guess, this.

A trailer that feels remarkably like it's trying to promise the audience Gladiator 2: The Medieval Years (tagline – in rumbling baritone – "He's changed his name … but otherwise it's basically the same.")

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Robin Hood – the trailer at least – doesn't skimp on marketing-by-metaphor. Here's a lone wolf walking through a forest, surveying the bloody trail of death and destruction that has come before. Like, say, Robin of Sherwood, returning from the Crusades.

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Here are scenes of cross, stubbly men surging on to a beach. Hooves of dark-coloured horses, thundering through dim forest undergrowth; shadows, silhouettes, brief glimpses of terrified eyes. But only glimpses – suggestions of a dark time; a cowed, oppressed people.

The first full face you see – exactly halfway through the trailer, nose-on and for a long, long time – is that of our hero, Russell Crowe.

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"ROOOOOOOOOAR!" says Russ. "Oh, for goodness' sake," mutter a cinema full of people who had thought, until this moment, that Robin Hood might actually be rather promising.

After all, the story of Robin Hood, repeatedly told on screens big and small, is the story of the man who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. It is, unsurprisingly, one that just keeps on giving. And, even more crucially, one that easily fits the Gladiator-shaped mould.

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Sure, they'll argue this film isn't a bit like Gladiator. Ridley Scott has directed quite a few other films, after all. But the bells are definitely a-ringing here, with all the talk of legends and heroes, of honour and dignity, of courage and revenge.

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It will be dark, it will be brooding, it will be violent. It won't be much fun. The words you might previously have associated with Robin Hood will not be applicable here. No, but the words you associated with Gladiator are.

Because, unlike previous incarnations of Robin Hood, from Errol Flynn to Kevin Costner, this trailer does not look like it's promising lively, family-friendly, wit-filled romps. The merry men of old have most likely been replaced by mardy men or miserable militia. This is not swashbuckling stuff, because men in tights quaffing beer and buckling swashes might be fun, but it's not a sign of a film taking itself seriously. Not like Gladiator did. And subsequently, this – like Scott and Crowe's last stand, rather than Mr Hood's – promises to be about honour, vengeance, pride, dignity etc … Oh, and pulling manly faces.

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So: it's Robin Hood – he's back, and he's pissed off (in a noble, gladiatorial kind of way). Oh, and if you say one word about his attractive green tights, you'll find yourself going the same way as that bloke who made light of his leather miniskirt back in ancient Rome.