Tag Archives: arranged marriage

When your family starts showing you pics of relevant matches and your marriage is one and the only topic of discussion on the dinner table, it is obvious to get nervous and excited with the thought of leaving your own privacy and comfort to settle down with someone who is completely new to you. That’s how an arranged marriagescenario feels like. You meet prospective matches that have come across from various sources like friends, relatives,online matrimonial sites or more. Essentially whatever be the source, the fact that the prospect is unknown to you prevails.

It’s true that your family would have performed checks at their end before taking up the proposal to you. They would have ensured that the family is well off matching own social standards, the prospect is well educated and professionally settled and various other criteria which can be mapped at a superficial level would have been taken care of. But marriage is not just about social, financial & educational equality; it is much beyond that. There are lot many ingredients that go on to build a happy marriage, which probably can’t be evaluated by family.

Here are a few questions that you must ask during your first one on one meeting with your prospective Indian bride/ Indian groom to understand your compatibility with each other before taking a final call.

1) What are your hobbies and interests?

Though it might seem to be a very basic question to ask, a lot can be inferred from the reply you receive. A person with completely opposite interests than yours could be very difficult to live with. For example, if your partner is an outgoing social person and you are an introvert who loves to confine to yourself and your immediate family, then there could be conflicts when you are together.

2) What are your expectations from your partner?

Knowing the expectations of your prospective partner and making your expectations clear at an initial level is always good as it will help you prepare for the future. Moreover, this topic might surprise you with some unrealistic expectations that your prospective partner might have which you may not be capable enough or willing to deliver. Having a clear stand on such things will avoid any future clashes.

3) What are your future goals and plan?

This is again a very relevant question, both from partners’ perspective. It is as important for a man to know the future plans of his lady as it is important for a lady to know about her man. A highly ambitious career oriented lady who is not willing to sacrifice her career post marriage definitely needs an understanding husband. To find such understanding husband or to be one needs a different mindset that still is rarely prevalent in Indian Scenario.

4) Are you ready to accept responsibility towards both families?

Girls are anyhow expected to take up the responsibility of the new family, but whether the boy is also willing to execute his responsibilities towards his new family? Or is he the same orthodox person who believes that his wife should take care of his parents like her own whereas as a son-in-law he would have no moral responsibility towards his in-laws, i.e. his wife’s parents. This will give you an idea about your partner’s mentality and thought process and can a major influencer on your decision.

5) How do you fantasize your relationship with your partner?

This is to get each other’s perspective about your relationship as a couple. Whether you would like to have a friend in partner with whom you can be yourself and open up your heart without any fear. Though this seems to be an idealistic image but the answer can actually tell you a lot about their mindset and behavior.

In our society, most of the arranged marriage meetings are driven by parents and relatives and as prospective bride and groom you hardly play any important role in the first meeting and even in the decision making. Your parents and the Jodi maker aunties and uncles ensure that all the things are lined up well and they get a yes from both the parties. In most of the cases, the boy and girl feel awkward and like a puppet in the first marriage meeting. There are numerous incidents where you have heard that how the marriage proposal or meeting turned surreal either for the boy or girl. To avoid such situation, it is best to say no to marriage proposal and save your soul. It is very natural that if you receive any marriage proposal you will not say yes to all the marriage proposals, you will surely say no to some with some or the other reasons. However, there are people who give weird reasons to reject a marriage proposal and annoy all, but to make the situation comfortable for all, say no to unwanted marriage proposal smartly.

I am not ready: Most of the marriage proposals in arranged marriage came from distant relatives, family friends and close friends. Generally, people find it difficult to handle. Girls are generally pressurized to meet the prospective groom and his family and even to accept the marriage proposal. If you too find such situation complicated and tensed, it is better to tackle it diplomatically and say No to proposal smartly. When you are meeting a girl/boy for arranged marriage, you can use these responses:

“I am flattered with your personality and positive attitude. But I am not yet ready for this big thing.”

“I need some more time to prepare myself for this big decision. I hope you will find a suitable match soon.”

I don’t find you compatible: If you don’t find the prospective life partner matching your expectations, then you should reject the proposal smartly. It is better to be more diplomatic in your approach to avoid any unwanted situation. During your conversation with the boy/girl tell about your partner preferences and expectations upfront. Tell her/him that, you do not find him/her meeting your partner preferences and you don’t find him/her compatible. Don’t hesitate to tell that compatibility with your partner is very important and it will be difficult to make a new beginning if you don’t find a compatible partner.

Saying no to online proposal: Nowadays, people register themselves with matrimonial sites, even parents create profile for their son/daughter with these matrimonial sites to find a suitable life partner, as they find it more easy and simple to find a life partner with the help of these matrimonial sites. However, on these matrimonial sites you are not supposed to please anyone, therefore you can any time reject or accept any matrimonial interest. But, if you find any proposal unsuitable and you want to reject it, then you can simple decline the interest by clicking on the available button. You can also write a short note stating, “Thanks for your interest, I reviewed your profile and find your profile not meeting my partner preference. Once again thanks for your interest and best of luck for you search.”

I want to settle down professionally: Rejection hurts and you feel sad and depressed when somebody rejects you. You feel more bad when you know that you still have a chance to meet that person and take this marriage proposal to next level. If you don’t want to give stupid reasons and make your rejection statement more convincing, you can mention that you first want to settle down professionally and then only you want to tie the wedding knot. This way you will not make any depressing and weird statement to reject someone and sound more responsible and intelligent.

Saying No after first meeting: Saying no after first meeting becomes more complicated because you don’t want to hurt anyone. Therefore, saying no after first meeting should be done with elegance, considering the other person’s emotions and expectations. Always ensure that you are conveying your message politely and diplomatically. Don’t rely upon the mediator to communicate your message, if you don’t find the other person compatible, then convey the message to your parents or to him/her directly stating that you are not the kind of person you are looking for as life partner, rather than creating confusion for the other person and his/her family.

Do you think that only looks matter in a relationship? Do you think that you need to be good looking and extremely beautiful to marry the most eligible man? Most of us generally believe that men always want to marry the most beautiful girl. But, is this really true? Actually, people have their own perceptions and choices. This is partially true that to woo someone you can use your charm and beauty, but to enjoy and live in a relationship, you need to have something extra in you. Here, we are sharing a few things which matter more than your looks for your man.

Your support: A relationship can’t survive in the absence of healthy support for each-other. Your partner always expects a good support from you. Relationship is not just about enjoying the happy moments and feeling lovey-dovey. It is much more than that; you need to be a good support for your partner. Always support him in his good and bad time to build a strong relationship.

Your understanding: This is something he always wants from you as a partner. A good understanding partner is always better than a clingy partner. Always try to be more understanding when you are in a relationship. It is quite possible that you are not always convinced with him and his thoughts, but you can at least try to understand his point and listen to him.

Your trust: Trust is very important for a healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your partner, there are chances that your relationship will not last for a longer time. In absence of trust you may face complications in your relationship. For a healthy and strong relationship your trust for your partner is important. Show trust in Him, his ideas, thoughts and even in his words. No matter what do you feel about his thoughts, but showing your trust in him will give him strength to excel in life.

Good listener: Men always admire those females who are good listener. No doubt that you are a non-stop chatter, but at times it is equally important to listen to his thoughts. At times, you need someone to listen to your thoughts. If your partner is your good friend who is always ready to listen to your thoughts without judging you or doubting you, nothing could be better than this feeling. If your partner is a good listener then you don’t need someone else in life to share your feeling and thoughts.

Your ambitions: Men are mostly attracted to females who are ambitious. They prefer to have a life partner who has her own goals and ambitions in life – both at personal and professional level. Though there might be instances when your partner’s professional goals might become hindrance in your personal relationship, still the admiration for ambitious life partner by men cannot be denied. You are being independent: Generally, men don’t like clingy females or those females who are dependent. Looking up to your partner’s help for each and everything, be it small or big, is not really appreciated. If you know how to manage things at your own then there is no doubt that your man will be happier with you and always admire your independence.

Your cooking skills: You must have heard this many times that you can easily win the heart of your man if you are a good cook. Most of the men are food lovers and they are grown up in such an environment that they always want to have good food. All men want their wife to be a good cook, and this is one of the basic expectations. So, if you are the one who loves to cook food then your skills will always be appreciated by him.

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If you are in a marriageable age and still single then for sure you must be feeling the pressure to get married and settle down. The pressure to get married is not limited to Hindu, Sikh or Jain or to some other community, but it real and visible across all the classes and caste. Irrespective of the facts like educational background, working status, gender or financial status, the pressure to get married is affecting the life of every youngster. It is not that the women in marriageable age are facing such pressure, but men are not even unaffected with it. However, we can’t change the mindset of people, but we can even try to make them understand the point of waiting for the right person not the right time. But, this is again a very tricky affair and there are chances that you will face reverse effects of the same. The best you can do is to devise some strategies to deal with this pressure without even making big fuss about it. Here, we are sharing some points to deal with the pressure to get married and enjoy your bachelorhood.

Be sure what you want: Before reaching to any point or conclusion, it is better to be sure what you want in your life. Are you happy with your present life? What are the reasons behind not getting married? Do you want to get married soon or not? What are your life partner preferences? What do you think about married life? If you know the answer of these questions and you know what exactly you want in life, then it is worth waiting for the right person. So, before accepting or rejecting some marriage proposal, it is better that you are 100% sure what you are doing and what you want in your life.

Be logical: When you say no to any proposal or ask your parents to give you some more time as you don’t want to get married, then be logical with your replies and approach. If you will give them lame excuses and tell them that you don’t want to get married because you are not ready for it, or your friends are still single. This is not very convincing point for your parents. So, if you do not want to get married right now, give them convincing logic.

Explain with patience: If you don’t want to get married now, explain it to your parents. If they are pressurizing you to get married soon and giving their own logics for getting married and you are in no mood to settle down now, have patience and explain them your point. Be clear about your thoughts and don’t get hyper or irritated while explaining your point to your parents or your friends because your anger might annoy them.

Be honest: It is important that you to remain honest in your thoughts and approach. Don’t beat around the bushes and talk about something irrelevant. If you are in a marriage relationship with someone and he/she is asking for some time to take the next step, told this to your parents why you need more time and be honest with them. If you want to focus more on your career right now and want to settle down financially before getting married, be clear about and make them understand your point. So, it is important to be honest in your approach.

Love marriage/arranged marriage: Are you sure you want to do love marriage or arranged marriage? Be sure what you want in life. If you are sure about that there is no one in your life and you want to do arranged marriage only, make it clear to your parents as well that you will go for arranged marriage only. There is no one in your life and you will tie the knot with their wishes. It will not create any confusion in their mind that you are postponing marriage because of other reasons.

Don’t feel friend’s pressure: This is another pressure which most of the youngster feel. At times, you feel so stressed because all your friends give you many reasons why you should tie the knot. They want you to enter into the married club because they all are married and you are single. If you are comfortable with your single friends, enjoy their company. Don’t stress yourself unnecessary.

Advantages of being single: If you want to wait take some more time to settle down, don’t worry about others and enjoy your bachelorhood. It is great to be single. No matter, you are 25years or 35 years and still single, there is no harm in it. There are a lot of things which you can experience and enjoy being single. Every phase of life has its own advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, finding the right partner is more important than getting married with wrong one. Enjoy your life to the fullest and have fun with friends and family.

Be open with ideas: This is another thing on which you should work upon. Be open with different ideas. If you are in a relationship and your boyfriend or girlfriend wants some time before meeting your parents or getting married, be open with it. Don’t force your partner to marry soon. If your fiancée/fiancé wants to postpone the marriage for a few months or a year then be open with that idea.

Communicate well: Communication is the key for any strong relationship. It is better to communicate well your thoughts and ideas with people. If you will not reply to their questions or don’t make your point clear why you don’t want to settle down now, it will further create confusion and irritate them. Therefore, communicate well about your thoughts and feeling, rather than avoiding conversation.

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Are you going to meet someone for the first time for arranged marriage meeting? Have you decided what you are going to wear on your meeting? Have you thought about the questions you are going to ask him/her in your first meeting? If you are ready with all your background work, then your half job is done for the day. But, apart from all these major-minor stuff, you need to act more smartly to figure out is he/she faking something to you. Many people fake about a lot of things when they meet someone for the first time. They fake about a lot of things be it about their job, personality, thoughts, ideologies and something else. There are chances that you feel attracted with their personality, thoughts and later on regret about your decision. Here, we are sharing some important things to notice when you are meeting someone for the first time in arranged marriage meeting.

Duplicate happiness: When you meet someone for the first time for arranged marriage meeting, you feel that the other person is showing he/she is too happy to see you. They show the over doze of their happiness. This is true that you feel excited and nervous at the same when you meet someone for the first time. It is a kind of mix feeling, but if the other person is showing that he/she is too happy to see you or overwhelmed to meet you, then he/she must be faking about their happiness.

Fake smile: Big, bigger, biggest this is what you noticed about their smile when you meet him/her for the first time. If he/she is smiling a lot and showing that she is very happy with this meeting, then there are chances that he/she is giving you a fake smile. Pay more attention to the facial expressions while he/she smiles. If his/her eyes getting smaller with the smile, then no doubt it is the real magical smile, but it is a fake one, then there will be no changes in the size of the eyes.

Showing what they are not: Many people pretend a lot about their personality and other things. They tell you many things, which they actually don’t believe in or feel strong about it. They tell you things and stories what they believe, but actually in their real life they are not even close to it. So, be attentive and a good observer while discussing with him/her something.

To be more idealistic: When you meet someone for the first time there are many things that you said out of emotions or to make your impression. But, actually you don’t believe in such things. You should always focus on things what he/she shares with you. Is he/she telling you things or ideas that are actually not possible to follow in your day-to-day life? So, be a smart observer while discussing your expectations, future plans and other things about your future.

Over concern: He/she is meeting you for the first time and showing over concern about you and your life. Is he/she asking questions about how you commute daily? How you manage things at your own? Does he/she ask you to drop you somewhere or pick from somewhere? If he/she showing over concern about your personal life in the first meeting, then it better to be more cautious about discussing things with him/her. It might be he/she will use the same information against you in the future. Therefore, showing genuine concern is good, but showing over concern to dig information from you is not right approach to start a new relationship.

More cool and updated: Is he/she trying to be more cool in front of you? Is he/she showing that they are least bothered about some issues that might affect your overall decision making process? There are two things which might be possible in such a situation that either he/she is genuinely cool or just pretending to be cool in the first meeting. If he/she is showing that he/she is very much updated and flaunting their ideas like anything, then better be cautious because such people are self-obsessed. So, be more attentive when you meet someone for the first time. Don’t get impressed just because he/she is pretending to be cool about things and circumstances.