telling trans folks that their gender is a performance or costume is incredibly disgusting when you consider that cis folks are never told the same thing and don't have anywhere near as complex a relationship with their own gender.

don't make shit extra complicated for trans folks. we've got enough invalidation coming our way. even if you're also trans and like to consider yourself performing/wearing a costume, that's you, not me.

It's stuff that society feed to us constantly. Everyone *learns* what are the gender norms of the society they live in and conforms or resists to them, whether it's by comfort, alienation, choice or necessity.

@Alda there is no point in reminding trans women at every turn "well technically your gender is just a costume/performance" because then it just keeps trans women on an entirely different playing field from everyone else in our society in regards to gender

fake or not, gender is a huge part of our current society, and as long as it exists, we need to be equitably respectful of peoples' genders. because otherwise we are barring folks from participation with these "truths"

@Alda trans women need as much reassurance of their gender as possible. they need their gender to be upheld to the same standards as everyone else and beyond. even if those standards are silly because gender is technically fake.

gender abolition cannot ignore oppression, and it must never be directed primarily (or even equally) at those who face gender oppression, compared to those who benefit from it.

@Alda i've been thinking a lot about gender as a costume/performance lately and, while technically true, while my name and my personality and a lot of things about me are part of a "costume" or "performance", it's personally not a comfortable way for me to view it.

like, it's a genuinely damaging way for me to view it, compared with any positive ideas that it might generate. digs real deep into impostor syndrome bs

@ctrlaltdog@AldaCalling it a performance drastically changes meaning with context, but fake isn't a good term either. Its a social construct, yeah, but its still a very real thing. Lots of people have very core parts of their identities wrapped up in the concept of gender, and society *segregates humanity* based on it. Calling it fake seems just as reductive and inaccurate as calling it a performance.