Self Study

Mindfulness and meditation seem to be the new buzz words, the new thing, the new kale. I see it in magazine articles, blog posts, newsletters, books, podcasts, etc as discussions and explanations. Yay! We all need it. We all can benefit by paying attention to our own minds and therefore our own contradictions.

Most days I make time to sit to study myself to raise my consciousness to my own contradictions. I am very, very good at pointing out what others “should” do, offering my unsolicited advice. A lot.

But.

I realize in my moments of self study that I could benefit from taking my own advice. My advice giving is more about me and what I can do vs what the other person should do. This is the contradiction. Instead of doling it out, the question is “is this what I could be doing to be the person I want to be?” Do I need to take my own advice?

Sometimes I do sit to study myself, but more often I study while I am moving as in running, biking, walking, swimming, hiking etc. Things come up that I didn’t know where there, or connections happen that I couldn’t see, or I wrestle with some uncomfortable thought that won’t leave me alone. Things just come up in that space. It can come while I am running a dirt road on an island in Maine. Or while on my bike at a stop light. I never know.

Self study happens. It’s beautiful and ugly at the same time. I want to practice bravery by giving space for it. Run toward it, bike toward it, hike toward it. Move toward it. Keep the heart and mind open to whatever happens. No matter how fun or not fun that can be.