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Monday, June 29, 2009

Weekend stuff

I guess the weekend started on Friday, when I came home from work with horrible back pain. I took some Advil and was just laying down on the floor with the dog licking my face when I heard the door open. I was kinda scared for a moment until I realized Omega was home. He asked me what I was doing and I explained about my backache. He asked the normal questions, lower or upper, was the pain a stabbing pain or a radiating kind. Mid upper back, stabby (that's a word?) pain. He rubbed it for a moment and declared it was likely muscular. I thanked him for his diagnosis. He changed out of his work clothes and got the boxes out of my car. I think he also figured out how I hurt my back to begin with. My car is not suitable for moving. Of course, he would say it is barely suitable for driving.

Together later we worked out the details of scene we planned. I was a little nervous. Maybe a lot nervous but needed to find out. The scene was intense as was the pain. The pain...it was unbelievable. I don't like the violet wand. I tried to deal, I tried to make sure, and then I said the safeword. He stopped at once and held me close. He said he was proud. I felt like I was hit by a train, bruises were already forming (not from the wand). He was proud. Of me. I didn't think about the bad stuff I had felt before. I was a little loopy from the pain though. He said that if I hadn't safeworded he was ready to stop the scene, and that he could tell and thought perhaps I was at or getting close to the dark place I was before.

We came upstairs and he looked over the bruises, and I was so tired. Just mentally and physically drained I guess. That gyno-table we have down there is great for backaches. I fell asleep feeling his body next to mine, my head on his lap, smelling him, and that man smell down there he has that I love. He had brought his laptop upstairs and did some work, as I nodded off. Around midnight or so, I woke and he was still working on something, so poked out my tongue and just barely licked him down there. He responded by closing the laptop and guiding my head to fully take him. I became lost in blissful worship of him. Then after swallowing his essence I promptly fell back asleep.

Around an hour later I woke with my back in spasm, so I moved away from him only somewhat. Feeling me stir away from him, he woke at once. He pulled me up toward, rubbed my back a little and watched as I again fell back asleep.

Saturday I was in a funk, feeling out of sorts, and I knew we had a party to go to that evening. While I was still in bed he as using his laptop I guess he finally finished what he was working on, and he grabbed me by my hair, kinda twisting it around his fist. He kissed me with a lot of passion. Omega is a great kisser, then he turned me over, and raised my rear into the air and took me from behind, tugging on my hair as he pounded himself into me. It was great but so different from him; he normally doesn't grab onto my hair like that--at least he never has before. I liked it!

Omega would not leave me alone all day, he hovered. I didn't want to be alone. I cried a lot. I am such a child at times. I just felt overwhelmed. We went to the zoo, because I love the giraffes and he felt the walk and fresh air would do me good and he was right about that. He bought me a toy, a stuffed mouse. By Saturday evening I was feeling a bit better. We went to his brother and sister-in-law's for a celebration of sorts I made a couple trays of my enchiladas (they requested that when Omega told them how great they are). That was fun, but I was a little on the quiet side. Omega was highly solicitous of me and made every woman there jealous. Of course every man was jealous when I brought him food and refilled his drink.

We didn't stay that long, and came home, let the dog out, and watched a movie. "Bounce"

That was probably a mistake. The movie stars Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow. Quick summery, and I won't spoil the ending if anyone has never seen it. Ben Affleck is an Advertising guy and gives his plane ticket to some guy wanting to get home to his family. The plane crashes.

I am watching and mentally flipping out. I don't like planes. I don't fly well. I just don't. I am so bad about flying myself, I want anyone else I care about to fly. When Omega went to NYC, I was freaking out until his plane landed. Then again until his plane landed here. He finds it kinda cute. I find it somewhat psychotic myself. I have two serious phobias, one is flying and the other is being in any type of confined space.

I'm watching this movie which is essentially about guilt, not being entirely truthful and plane crashes and I'm flipping out. He very nonchalantly hands me a box of Kleenex. I'm crying over this movie and he's grumbling that he could have watched Raging Bull. However he did watch and after we watched Raging Bull, well he watched I kinda fell asleep. All I could feel was him around me, all around me. It was just like being wrapped in a blanket.

Sunday I slept in. He was awake already showered, shaved, working when I got up. We decided to go out to breakfast, and we shared eggs Benedict, and really good coffee. Sunday was a very good day. We came home and did some yard work, Omega picked for me some beautiful roses out of the garden, a dozen at least. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. How I love my Master, my man, my lover and friend. He is everything to me.

I'm glad you had a great weekend. Sounds like you were probably suffering a little "sub drop." You're not used to having someone appreciate, and love, and care for you for after-care. It takes some getting used to, and in truth, really good aftercare can sometimes cause me even more significant sub drop.

As for the planes and confined spaces, I'm exactly the same way. the planes are about loss of control for me. I can't see what's going on, and how do I know they're not up there screwing around (I knew a few pilots, and trust me, they screwed around at times). I'm also afraid of heights, and I think about falling. So, for me, all I can do is tell myself that these people working for the airlines don't want to die either. They have families, and children and homes, and people who love them, and this is just their job, and they want to finish their shift and go home. That focus helps me.

I'm glad that you used your safeword, and are allowing yourself to be vulnerable with him.