Letting Go

I’ve deleted the torturous little virtual notepads I had on my desktop that used to quote Olivia. I used them to remind me of the way she said I made her feel. The most eye-opening one was from a few months ago: “You make me feel like less than a person.” I felt like I died inside when I heard her say that. I then proceeded to live the ongoing funeral of a long gone Maria that was bubbly, outgoing, and energetic. God, I miss that Maria.

Every time I opened my laptop, there they were: excerpts of a broken friendship, describing the terrible person that I had become. These quotes are now gone. I’m sick of those little memos of self-hate waiting for me. I don’t need more souvenirs of the person I had turned into. I am aware. I’ve begun to make changes. I don’t need desktop post-its hinting at my personal failures. I am moving forward.