favorite this postyou suck dick like a pornstar

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Dear A:

Out of respect for you, I didn’t include your name. I probably should have, as you had absolutely no respect for me during our breakup last year. I don’t really have to worry about your running across this letter, but hey, you might. Maybe you’re starting a new porn site or something. I just wanted to ask, and think out loud – why do I still miss you, and love you? True, we were together for nearly five years, we moved cross-country together twice, and we owned a dog together (which you stole). But, you left without saying goodbye, broke my heart without an explanation, and already had another boyfriend before I found out we were truly broken up. You also cheated on me, and led me on like a puppet for nearly 8 months.

When I confronted you, you said, with a look of bewilderment on your face, “We argue, fight, and don’t sleep together much. Isn’t that what a break-up is?” Had no answer for that one, I must admit. According to you for 8 months, you were just “needing space.”

Anyway, to let you know, I have a new girlfriend now. She is prettier than you, sweeter than you, honest with me, does all the things I like to do and you hated (surf, camp, mtn. bike, run, etc.), and gets along with her parents. That may not seem like a plus, but you hated your parents and mine, and was all fucked up in the head. I look for that now. You never did anything outside with me but instead always tried to drag me to malls. You know I hate crowds and recycled air. She doesn’t make me go shopping on beautiful days, reads the same books as me, and is so much smarter than you its astonishing. You just finished, after six years, a BS in art history. What the hell are you going to do with that? Oh, yeah, you’re a bartender. You didn’t even need a degree for your job of choice, just huge tits, a capacity for ignorance, and the lack of conscience required to contribute to the number of deaths in this country. She, on the other hand, has an MBA, graduated with a 4.0, and is wildly successful at her job (marketing manager for the east coast). She has perfect skin, beautiful hair, and a gentle nature. She cooks, cleans, isn’t bitchy at all, and looks great without makeup. She runs half marathons, and is ripped as hell. She is equally at home in running shorts and little black dresses. She’s ladylike. She’s faithful, supportive, easy-going, and makes me want to be a better person. She’s the perfect girl for me.

You were a bitch, hard to live with, a slob, looked awful in the mornings, had the worst breath ever, farted, burped, destroyed the kitchen (when you cooked), never cleaned, were selfish, self-centered, and unloving. You weren’t supportive, was a drain on my life and finances, and demoralizing. You robbed my confidence, my drive, and sucked the will to live out of me. You were a vampire on my emotions, draining the happiness and peace out of my soul. You had horrible acne, but knew how to cover it with makeup. You hated all other girls, yet surrounded yourself with girls just like you. Your greatest intellectual achievement was identifying with “Sex and the City.” Your mother is an emotional abomination, determined to live her sex-deprived and dissatisfied life through you, further wrecking your already blighted soul. You have a complete and utter lack of morality and respect for other human beings. Oh, you were also unladylike, and dressed like a complete whore.

Why do I miss you?

Because you sucked my dick like a pornstar. Slobbery, gasping, smiling, dirty blowjobs. I realized while writing this, I don’t love you – I just don’t want anyone else to fuck you. You had perfect tits, huge and round with beautiful nipples. You have a perfect ass. Your measurements are a natural 32 DD, 24, 32. You were beautiful naked. You were double jointed, and could and did (often) put your feet behind your head while I fucked you. You licked your own nipples, biting them and making them hard. You stripped for me all the time, crawling across the floor naked with your ass in the air. You would spread your ass and beg me to fuck you. You liked for me to come all over your tits and face. You licked cum off your own nipples, and then drooled it all over your huge tits again. You would beg to be assfucked. You would slide your tight, hot, wet shitter over my throbbing cock while watching me in the mirror to make sure I was watching. You would drag it out of your own ass and then stick it in your mouth, popping it in and out of your cheek. You were a perfect little dirty whore in bed. I get hard just thinking about you, and often am thinking about your tight little pussy, huge perfect tits, fabulous ass, and wet spread asshole while I’m coming on my new girlfriend.

You sucked my dick like a pornstar. Would you please come back to me so I can dump my perfect, beautiful, loving, wonderful girlfriend for your skanky ass? Just one more fuck?