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1 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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2 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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3 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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4 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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5 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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6 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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7 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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8 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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9 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

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10 of 11The XC90 T6 has what may be the most technologically advanced 2.0-liter four ever screwed together, with super- and turbocharging combined with direct injection making 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque, all moving what amounts to a very large living space down the road with great alacrity. Skol!

One week in a Volvo XC90 T6 AWD Inscription

If we could shut off the @#$%&* beeping nannies, this would be a great car

April 20, 2017

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I finally got into one of these things months after my Detroit colleagues, and I was pleasantly surprised. Of course, in my mind (and in my bank account) I would never spend $72,805 for a car. So do I even belong on this site? Sure I do. I can’t afford a McLaren, either, but I sure as heck enjoy them and recommend them to those who can afford them.

Volvo likes to think of the $72,805 XC90 T6 AWD Inscription as something of a bargain when you compare it to similarly equipped competitors. The problem is determining which SUVs are its competitors. My competitors are Hemingway and Goethe, for instance. At least according to me.

If you load up an Acura MDX with SH-AWD and Advance Package the sticker is $59,475. The Cadillac XT5 with OnStar, HD Radio, parking assist and premium sound, to name a few, was still just $63,890 (but it only has five seats while the Volvo has seven). The Mercedes GLE 400 4Matic, the most-loaded GLE below the AMGs and the 550e hybrid, was $66,575, and there are more options to add to it. But no, Volvo says, we’re a bargain when compared to similarly equipped models of the Audi Q7 premium plus Quattro, which starts at 54k but goes up much higher than that; a BMW X5 xDrive35i with a 3.0-liter six-cylinder turbo and awd with 8-speed auto which starts at $59,895 but rises higher than the Volvo here in question; and even a Mercedes AMG GLE 43 4Matic which starts for 68 grand but is priced similarly to the BMW. Does the XC90 T6 AWD Inscription compete with the Acura MDX, Cadillac XT5 and Mercedes GLE 400 4Matic? Or is it an Audi Q7, BMW X5 Maercedes GLE 400 4Matic fighter? Is anybody still reading this review by this point? Hire an accountant and draw up spreadsheets when you make your decision. As I said, I only had it for a week.

Volvo XC90 T6 AWD Inscription at the beach. That is not us with the board.

And in that week I thought less about which option packages could be perfectly aligned with which competitors’ options packages and more about the damned bleeps, bloops and buzzes that assault your earlobes almost constantly when you’re entering or exiting a parking space, driveway or nearing any fixed object. The noises were warning me about every threat - real and imagined - lurking around me so much that my brain just switched it all off and ignored all the useless warnings and I went about the task of parking the big beluga myself. Likewise, on the road the lane departure warning was continuously yanking the steering wheel back and forth because it perceived that my apex-seeking driving style was really a sign of imminent suicidal car death and it – the Volvo - was the only thing that could save me. I know, I know, there are ways to disconnect the lane departure warning but its existence points to a larger problem: all Volvos in my opinion, which is always right, are marketed on fear. That is why the company is profitable and that is why terrified young mothers who don’t understand physics will always buy them no matter how much more they cost. Well listen up, terrified young mothers: if you simply pay attention, wear your seatbelt and don’t drive when you’re stoned out of your mind, you will probably be safe in any modern car, including all the competitors listed above and many cars and SUVs far cheaper.

Volvo at speed in curve

Okay, enough on the soap box. Back to the Volvo at hand.

Everybody loved this rig. Dumb little things like the massaging seats were a big hit among kids and adults alike. I loved the versatile fold-flat rear seats. I stuffed a mountain bike back there. When flipped up this is a three-row, seven-seat SUV. It is perfect for so many of those suburbanites who have bought them, regardless of whether it is priced too high.

It was also my first chance to spend some time with the supercharged, turbocharged direct-injection four. That is, theoretically at least, about as much power as science can extract from two liters of displacement short of adding nitrous, and this way is much more sustainable. Peak power of 316 hp and 295 lb ft of torque seems a little low considering all the ways Volvo is getting air and fuel into the chambers. Competitors like the X5, XT5 and MDX all make more power, albeit from six cylinders. On the road I was a little surprised to find what felt like some slight lag before the engine came on the cam. And considering the massive 4627-pound curb weight of this rolling apartment building, you could be forgiven if you expected a V8 underhood. But the future is all about efficiency and the little blown 2-liter is all about that. Yet for all its technology, the EPA says it gets 22 mpg combined. I emptied two tanks of gas and returned 18.7 and 19.7 mpg in over 550 miles of driving. So much for four-cylinder efficiency. I must’ve been leadfooting it.

Published 0-60 times range from 5.3 (lying sacks!!!) to 6.5 seconds. That is not bad at all and in fact is good for something this large, heavy and not performance-oriented. But you won’t drive it and think, as John Belushi said about the police-spec Polaris in Blues Brothers, “This thing’s got pick up.”

Just try and change the radio station. Go ahead, try!

Another thing to complain about is that screen in the center of the dash. Through it, you're supposed to be able to do anything short of launching nukes. But just try to change a radio station. Go ahead, try. Yes, there are redundant controls for that on the steering wheel of which Volvo is righteously proud, but you won't be able to do it onscreen on the first attempt. Or the second. Or the 15th. I guess I am too old to take out the owner's manual, but even that's located inside the screen. Harumph.

If that doesn't drive you insane, there’s the question of quality. JD Power gave the XC90 two and a half out of five stars in its Initial Quality Study. Among 72 verified owners at Edmunds dot com, more than half gave it three stars or less out of five. At consumeraffairs dot com it got just under two stars out of five. Consumer Reports rates the XC90 “Much Worse” for predicted reliability. Google Volvo XC90 quality.

So take all that into consideration, and if the beeping safety nannies don’t drive you insane, you could very likely like this thing. Me, I’d pull all the fuses related to anything that beeps and just drive it while actually paying attention, a novel idea in our time.