Well I went to Mummy trust me, I'm fine, I actually think it is quite hilair being sold even if Anya says she would personally be embarrassed to go for £23m, in fact Danny always makes the lasagne and tbh I would only be watching Desperate Housewives? But poor Dave is so upset, he went to Govey, what is it about friendship that people do not get, no way is this like Cruddas or Rebekah or Andy or the whole Chippy thing, anyone can be let down by all their trusted intimates, and Govey was like, indeed, the Rebekah episode was uncovenanted, who would have believed her capable of feigning a sustained interest in equine affairs, although I confess I always suspected her of not having studied the King James bible in any degree of depth and of merely parroting the commonplaces she had picked up in her doubtless laborious sessions on Wikipedia?

So since Rebekah nobody has been invited to kitchen supper unless Hilto says we have known them for literally ever or they are uber-good value. Eg, you seriously do not want to wear anything dry-clean only when Bammy Bamford and Smelly Spencer do one of their reverse wine-tastings, totes hilair, even the Clarksonator – although sadly we no longer see him – said it was totes disgusting, Dave was like, bosh, Crudders, RESULT! Plus if the public had ever witnessed an Ashcrofty prank call – eg, It's the Inland Revenue, Mr Clegg, lolz – they would so get why he lives in Belize?

And I know the Fishknives say kitchen supps is the wrong place for intellectualism and normally I would so agree, but we are talking massive brainpower, what Smelly and Rowland do not know about Vettriano is not worth knowing and Mike "the Prof" Hinze on climate change = total policy steal. Who knew this is actually the start of a terrifying ice age meaning it is vital to let concerned philanthropists build millions of cosy homes with maybe some convenient roads and shopping centres before the green belt freezes over with immense glaciers?

I would miss them all dreadfully except Dave promises that our next friends will be just as good :)