Our pal Freddie Woo says: Climbing into the back seat of the car, she sat on a fortnight-old bag of food shopping I had completely forgotten about. The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you for nothing. Tell us about the shag you didn't have because you blew it.

One way to guarantee not having any sex...
is to take your intended to a cheap hotel miles away in the middle of Germany. I won't bore you with the details other than the name of the hotel so you can look for yourself! To cut a long story short... Ibis in Mayen South.
(browserstill relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 27 May 2014, 18:18,
closed)

Oh god.
I BET YOU WEAR A SIMPSONS TIE AND SOCKS AND A TOM BAKER SCARF IN THE WINTER AND A TOWEL ON THAT DOUGLAS ADAMS THING DAY AND NO TROUSERS ON THAT OTHER DAY AND A BADGE SAYING "IT DOESN'T HELP TO BE MENTAL BUT I WORK HERE" AND YOU ARE ONE WEIRD MOTHERFUCKING WEIRDO LOL EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI
(SlantedScience, Thu 29 May 2014, 3:15,
closed)

Clicked.
But, you really need to flesh out the back-story. Really build it up so as to increase the anticipation and expectation of what is inevitably sure to come.Then, just as the reader is about to walk away in disgust - BAM! Right in the pisser!
(mankwhistle, Tue 27 May 2014, 20:35,
closed)

I thought it was an Albert Marshmallow parody with the mention of Ibis Hotels and then BAM,
I got it. Rather like that time in the bath, long story.
(d.r._and_quinchwhen will you be famous?, Wed 28 May 2014, 9:25,
closed)