Who's Vince? Just an enthusiastic infomercial host (also of Shamwow fame) who wants you to get a Slap Chop, a tool that chops, minces, and dices in seconds. But it does so much more. Some of Vince's promises:

You're gonna be in a great mood all day because you're gonna be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop.

This tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna, put it here like this—now you're gonna have a nice tuna salad. Look at this, you're gonna have an exciting life now.

The onions with the skin. Alright, this is making you cry, it's making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is; you don't wanna cry anymore.