Thousands of Christianists rallied in downtown Philadelphia yesterday where notorious hate group leaders exhorted the crowd to declare that America belongs to Jesus.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson and Family Research Council president Tony Perkins topped a full day of speakers at “The America for Jesus 2012” prayer rally. Robertson, a former Republican candidate for president, called the election important, but didn’t mention either major political party or candidate by name. “I don’t care what the ACLU says or any atheists say. This nation belongs to Jesus, and we’re here today to reclaim his sovereignty,” said Robertson, 82, who founded the Christian Coalition and Christian Broadcasting Network, and ran for president in 1988. Organizers plan another prayer rally Oct. 20 in Washington, D.C., two weeks before President Barack Obama faces Republican Mitt Romney in the presidential election.

Among the many anti-gay speakers was wackadoodle mental asylum escapee Cindy Jacobs, who has personally stopped hurricanes and terrorist attacks through her awesome powers.