“If it gets to the point where it makes sense for him to pitch in the big leagues, the only way we can be as fan-friendly as we’re trying to be would be for any additional proceeds from the game to go to our foundation,” owner Jim Crane said.

By putting a sideshow on center stage.

So what's the timetable? And what does this have anything at all do to with the Phillies?

Well...

Clemens will make his professional return on Saturday for the Sugar Land Skeeters. Typical minor league assignment -- for whatever really, rehabbing an injury, reacclimating to a game you've been gone from for half a decade, all the same -- takes 20 days or fewer.

That series, against the Phillies -- part of their 13-game stretch against teams with a combined .399 win percentage that could, well, I'm not even going to say it -- runs September 13-16, with two prime-time tickets (Friday and Saturday nights) and a Sunday afternoon.

Almost perfect.

Though, we're getting way ahead of ourselves here. Tell them, Jim.

“But we’re not there yet,” Crane said. “He could go out and give up 10 runs tomorrow.”