4.12.2005

Big players step up in big games. After seeing what Pat O'Brien had done, Vick raised his play to a new level - giving his girlfriend genital herpes that he already knew about. Most importantly, he went to a testing center and used the alias Ron Mexico to keep his identity unknown. The fact that it actually says "Michael D. Vick aka Ron Mexico" on the court document is just ridiculous. Vick did not match O'Brien, but he came close enough to also ensure himself a-play game in the Real Final Four - which now has six people in it.

We are not here to dickride, but rather to critique. A couple ways this could be realer:* At the testing facility, given them the name Kobe Bryant instead. In the unlikely event he gets caught, Vick explaining himself by just going "Ball don't lie..."* Atlanta Falcons' public relations department works with the marketing department to rebuild the superstar and team's image by immediately printing 5 million #7 jerseys in kiddie size with "Mexico" on the back to be sold by all local sporting good stores.* OR Vick tells the media this is actually a sob story. It turns out Michael Vick's real name ACTUALLY IS Ron Mexico. Growing up without parents or a home, he caught herpes in one of his many foster homes from his crack whore mom. He then changed his name to breakaway from such a tormented past. By passing it on to the girlfriend he loves, his old life has finally caught up to him in a story that is a loss for the human spirit.

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