The female-only Special Operations Forces created by the Thai Secret Service, employed in unconventional warfare, foreign internal defense, direct action, Counter-Terrorism, and special reconnaissance operations.

Since most anti-Thai terrorist communications are transferred via helium-filled balloon, a special method of intercepting such messages has been devised and is the specific expertise of the PBA. All agents have been trained for years in the ingenious art of striking down these air-born missives with Manually Guided Anti-Balloon Rockets (DARTS, Thai acronym) which they dispatch from their Internal Propulsion Muscular Launch Pads (VAGINA, Thai acronym).

Though no footage exists of the PBA in action, training exercises can be viewed at a number of facilities on the 2nd Floor at Patpong 1 in Krung Thep (Bangkok), Thailand, usually after 17.00 hours with a two drink minimum.

"Some guy grabbed my arm as I was street shopping in the Patpong district last night, insisting that I should view a special Patpong Balloon Assassins training exercise. Then he pushed me up a flight of stairs."

The name given to any number of crevices within the Patpong district that are large enough not only for a train to pass through, but large enough for a train to enter AND turn around and exit through. These stations are all larger than Hua Lamphong, Bangkok's main railway station.

These crevices are typically used to house and project darts, ping-pong balls and flaming tampons, though the interim government of General Sonthi Boonyaratglin has reserved the right to invoke eminent domain if necessary to meet the growing needs of the nation's railway passengers.

"I purchased admission to a Patpong Train Station last night, but I couldn't feel a thing once I was inside. What a waste of money!"