Words of Warning as Thanksgiving Approaches…

For some of us, this Thanksgiving break will be the first time any of us have gone home since the beginning of the semester. Which means this is the first meaningful contact we’ve had with our families since September. Which means (cue dramatic music) table talk with our parents.

Generally, having a chat with our parents isn’t a cause for concern. It really is nice to sit down and do some soul-searching with the people who know you best every once in a while. But for students who’ve been away from home long enough and are finally experiencing their first taste of true freedom, it might not be easy to jump right back into the home-style way of life. Should you mention the roommate with more “connections” than the Italian mafia? Do you really have to explain where that giant burn mark on your duvet came from? Will that story about that one time you had to pee in the subway really fly with the people who spent several aggravating months potty-training you? After being immersed in the college experience, it may be hard to draw the line between what you should talk about and what accidentally slips out. So here are friendly tips about what notto do on Thanksgiving break with your parents. Folks, don’t:

Bring home that guy on your floor that you just met three nights ago: Although you and your new friend may have tons of fun together, you don’t know what he’s like around a table full of food. Not to mention your parents may not take it too well when he introduces himself as “DJ Spike”.

Mention in passing your newfound spirituality/atheism to your mother: Conversations like these are best held in the safety of a comfy room sans sharp objects. It’s not great timing to talk about your Buddhist retreat while your Uncle Jim chugs gravy, or to casually walk away when your aunt wants to say grace.

Leave your stuff lying around the house in plain sight: Explaining to your parents why you have more textbooks about Nietzsche and Descartes and none about Computational Statistics might reveal that you’ve switched your major from Computer Science to Philosophy – not a bad thing, but a shock to your parents who are probably paying your tuition and wondering what the hell you’re going to do with a degree in Philosophy.

Break out your fresh new threads: College is definitely a time to experiment; the Thanksgiving table, however, is not. Don’t wear your favorite fishnet stockings or lucky wifebeater to dinner. Your parents may suddenly question where all their cash is going if you’re wearing less clothes than you left with.

Pregame: Please, just don’t.

And there you have it! Follow these simple rules, and you’ll be sure to have a safe & pleasant Thanksgiving with the folks. Now go eat yourself into a food coma!