Thursday, November 10, 2011

But the ghost of you follows me, i try to move on and let the pain fade but its as if the scar is open and fresh still bleeding fear. i try to live, but you remind me of all the reasons id rather die. i try to be happy and the memory of you brings anger. the pain and memories may never go away but my life is no longer yours.....that i will never forget.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Its been a while since I've been here, i had lost my fear for a moment and felt safe until the demon from my past showed up in my present. At 25 I went back into the head of the 12 year old that was so scared to shower in fear it would happen again. My abuser has taken another victim very close to me and i cant help but to feel the guilt, if i only spoke louder if only someone would have listened to me if only i could have stopped the monster. I thought I had let this go and forgiven him for my pain but how do you forgive someone who takes your childhood away who shows you that there is monsters in your closet. This is my take back I'm taking back my LIFE an even my childhood you tried to take! I will not give it to you and i will not let you take anyone else! If this post does nothing more please i beg you if you are being sexually abused tell someone! If they don't believe you tell someone else until you find someone who will, don't wait, don't be silent......I was I didn't try hard enough to make anyone listen and my abuser took another victim.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Why does it seem like the more u try to heal the farther you see yourself falling back. You never realize how much the pain you went through so long ago could still be haunting your adult life. The people you wanna be able to turn to and lean on are the last ones you can talk to. Even though I know there are people who have felt my pain in there own way i still feel like I'm all alone. I'm looking for a way to move to the next step move past the pain and fear but the fear of moving forward holds me back. I feel like the needle that is lost in the hay stack!

Friday, June 11, 2010

A girl was molested in Laguna Beach over the weekend and it made my heart just dropped. I sat here thinking everything I've gone through and far I've come and also how much more i have to overcome. She is at the beginning the confusion the hurt all the pain. My heart is sad for her. When you say a prayer tonight keep this girl in mind. Even in the safest place like orange county the worst can happen.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The exterior of a woman but yet the little girl inside wants to curl up and cry...so many wrong paths taken so many choices made... Reachin out for the love and affection sometimes hard to look at my own reflection...heart broken in two more ways than one sometimes the only answer seems to be at the end of the gun...I keep movin not for me but them....one more step one more try with each day that passes by I learn I grow but yet still people say ur old enough to know...know pain, know hurt, know lies these i know for its all im ever shown