THE only problem with Hillary Rodham Clinton’s much-hyped “listening tour” is that she’s not listening to guys like Tom Holland.

“She knows nothing about New York and we don’t want her here,” said Holland, summarizing the prevailing sentiment of people upstate – as captured by the huge “Go Home Hillary” banner hanging from a semi-trailer across the street from the airport here.

Holland’s company, Gagne, Inc., makes photographic equipment and has expanded 1,000 percent over the past decade. That makes him a happy Republican. No wonder Hillary will not be listening to him this time around.

And therein lies the inherent problem with this entire listening tour: Over the next three days, the only people Clinton will hear from are party flunkies, pre-screened locals, or a gaggle of supporters standing on the side of the road with “Run, Hillary, Run!” signs.

Well, the Metro Gnome wouldn’t stand for it.

That’s why he set off on his own “listening tour.” A cross between traditional whistle-stop barnstorming and an all-you-can-eat buffet in a Vegas casino, the Metro Gnome listening tour stopped at seemingly every diner, roadhouse, farm stand or fancy eatery along Hillary’s route yesterday in search of the real word on the street.

First stop, the Unadilla Diner.

Sitting at the counter for just five minutes, I heard more real talk than Hillary heard all day. I mean, how could you not feel the pain of a guy named Bernie, whose wife is nagging him because he won’t take her on a whitewater rafting trip ever since she saw an unnerving clip on the Discovery Channel?

Finally, the talk turned to Hillary. Too bad the First Lady wasn’t there to hear it.

“She can’t get elected in her own state, so she comes up here to get elected,” Martin said. “She doesn’t belong here.”

“Hillary should either plead the Fifth or drink the fifth,” added Mary, the waitress.

Never underestimate the value of listening to a few cranks at a diner. From them, I learned a valuable lesson: always order the biscuits and gravy at the Unadilla Diner. And never order the chicken at the very restaurant in Oneonta where Hillary had lunch later in the day. Martin had it a while back and, well, let’s just say he didn’t have normal gastric function for a week.

Hillary, you could have been forewarned.

Up the road in Oneonta, Cynthia Hill and Judi Visnosky were standing in front of City Hall, talking about how great it is to live in a well-run upstate town.

“They have T-ball and baseball, swimming lessons and games all summer for the kids,” Hill said. (Uh-oh! Satisfied voter alert! No wonder Hillary won’t be talking to her!)

And you can be sure that Hillary’s motorcade didn’t have the car radio tuned to the local chat shows. If so, the First Lady again would’ve heard more than she bargained for.

Virtually every caller complained about Hillary’s run. Either they resented her carpetbagging or that many of her travel expenses are being picked up by U.S. taxpayers.