We Go High in Public: A Day at the Museum

Museum High

We’re almost there. It’s almost spring. This was our first PNW winter, and we think we did okay. We launched our Pot and Parenting newsletter. A bunch of people signed up. We made so many new cool friends these past few months, all under the ever greying skies of Portland.

Still, we’re restless. We need to get out of the house and stay dry. We need some culture that isn’t on our television or mobile devise. Some distraction from the Push Notifications of Doom.

Have no fear, Splimm is here with the cure for your stressful-almost spring-blues: Let’s go to the museum! And if you live in either Oregon, Washington or Colorado (or, you know, anywhere else, but please be discreet and responsible), let’s eats some cannabis and go to the museum!

Don’t eat too much.

Anyone who’s ever overeaten cannabis will tell you that it is awful, so we don’t recommend venturing too far out in public if you don’t have much experience with edibles. Try to remember these two things:

Eat a little bit, give it an hour, and then if you feel like you can handle it eat a little more;

And, if you do eat too much, you aren’t going to die, it won’t last as long as being drunk, and you most likely just need some fresh air and/or a quiet room to lie in bed and watch Community.

Take your time.

We think it’s important that you go slowly and see as much of the museum as possible. The building itself is a work of art, and you should be sure to appreciate the intricate details. If there’s a red hallway full of foxes, even better; stroll through the red fox hallway twice.

Walk around slowly and remember to breathe; this is a great way to let the edibles take effect. Does the museum have a room with a multi-colored glass ceiling? If so, locate it. That’s a nice space in which to pace quietly.

Find the room with the weird movie.

Every decent museum has one. The fortunate might find Psycho with a frame rate slowed so that it takes exactly 24 hours to run the entire movie. The extremely fortunate will find something by Gordon Matta Clark, in which case they should please stay a while; they’re about to see something very special.

Before you get too comfortable please let Splimm know which museum you are visiting. We love Gordon Matta Clark so much, and if you are in a place with one of his movies we’ll be there as soon as we can. We are bringing enough chocolate to share. We are all the measure.

Then cool down in the room with the pictures of horses.

It’s the perfect contrast to the weird movie room. The horse picture room. Sometimes this room will have couches that seem old enough to be part of the exhibit, but beat up enough to sit on. We say have a seat, gently, and if you’re not allowed someone will come and tell you. Horses are strong and majestic; looking at them is relaxing. The Baltimore Museum of Art, around the corner from where Splimm was conceived, has an excellent collection of equestrian art.

Maybe the museum you’re in doesn’t have a room full of horse paintings. You can still find a quiet spot and glance at a few horse paintings in private on your phone. That’s what smartphones are for.

Ask the museum docent about some of the art.

Beholding the same thing over and over again can bestow a truly unique perspective, so before you leave try to engage one of the security guards in a conversation about art. If you find yourself in a room full of Robert Ryman paintings, ardently approach the security guard, with an exasperated expression, and say, “so that’s where I’m supposed to put my painting.”

Our friend said that to a security guard once, and the guard thought it was hilarious. Then he told us that he’d been staring at the all-white painting for years, and he still had no idea what it was supposed to be.

Hope the sculpture garden is open.

We like the interchange of art and nature, the things we made mixed into the places we found. Even if you don’t eat too much and get really sweaty, going outside offers a great change of perspective and a chance to appreciate the way cannabis can feel different depending on the environment.

After spending the day enjoying everything the museum serves up, take a little time, even in the late season east coast snow, to see some things outside. As you move around the sculpture garden, make sure you touch the things you are allowed to touch. It can be nice to take a piece in with more than just your eyes.

Like art and nature, cannabis-infused chocolate, the museum, and you are a wonderful combination. And with such a relaxing and beautiful experience under your belt, you’ll be ready to meet your seasonally affected disorders with a bit more equanimity and grace.