At one memorable point here, Twisted Sister singer Dee Snider
compliments his Wacken, Germany audience -- and the community of heavy
metal fans in general -- on their steadfast loyalty. But in order to
slog though this double-sided, video/audio disc, you’d have to be
either a Twisted Sister diehard, a bad heavy metal junkie, or just
plain hard up for entertainment. Calling this project “entertainment,”
in fact, may be far too kind a word for it. Rather, this disc offers a
slightly better way to kill time than, say, suicide or self-mutilation.
But even if you chose “Live At Wacken” over your favorite method of
violent self-destruction, you might still end up punishing yourself
over such a poor decision. Simply ending it all might be a better move
than putting yourself through this miserable reunion document.

Twisted Sister is a five-piece band that broke up in 1987 and reunited
in 2003. But do we really care? This was the band, after all, that only
had a few minor MTV hits with “We’re Not Gonna Take It” and “I Wanna
Rock,” back in the ‘80s. To paraphrase the film “The Rutles,” Twisted
Sister created a legend that would last a lunchtime. This was not,
however, a group that made any kind of a lasting impression upon the
culture at large. Had Snider not dressed himself in outlandishly bad
female makeup, we might not even remember Twisted Sister today at all.
And had MTV not been so desperate for something, anything, Snider and
the boys may not have ever even gotten on TV. But we can only dream.

It is against this backdrop of overwhelming historical apathy that
Twisted Sister members tell their career story, in between concert
clips drawn from the Wacken show. But the act’s story is so dull that
one would suspect that VH-1’s “Behind The Music” would reject it
outright. Granted, these are not bad guys, and their good side is best
symbolized by their charity performances at a New York Steel Benefit
show shortly after 9/11 and the group’s U.S.O. tour right around the
beginning of the Iraqi war. But Twisted Sister is just a simple metal
band, after all, and not a very good one at that.

To sit in as this B-level band seriously discusses the troubles that
led to its eventual break-up is purely Spinal Tap-esque. Some really
bad things must have torn them asunder, but they never actually say
what these specific bad things were/are. We must just take their word
for it, I guess. But if we don’t know the circumstances that separated
these musicians back in 1987, how can we truly appreciate their
reunion?

The group’s musical deficiencies are readily apparent during the
concert audio portion of this package, which is drawn from various
1980, 1982 and 2003 shows. At one particular 1980 show, for instance,
the group turns in one of the worst-ever covers of “Born To Be Wild.”
Steppenwolf’s original version of the tune was filled with crazy
possibilities – that’s how it’s become a classic rock staple -- whereas
Twisted Sister nearly bludgeons the thing to death with unfulfilled
expectations.

For what it’s worth, and it ain’t worth too much, this video segment
presents a few of Twisted Sister’s better-known songs. So if you dare,
you can see the group plodding its way through works like “I Wanna
Rock” and “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” This is working-class, meat and
potatoes heavy metal, at best. It’s not the musically ambitious stuff
one usually associates with Eddie Van Halen, nor is it the kind of dark
lyrical rumination one finds in the best Metallica work. You can watch
it with the sound down, or turn your head away, but it’s hard to tell
which move is worse. There seems to be no lesser of two evils involved
here.

Granted, this DVD (plus) format offers consumers something more than
what is usually found on typical DualDiscs. For instance, the video
portion is 105 minutes in length, and the music side is 75 minutes
long, whereas the video sides of DualDiscs contain far less
musical/audio content. But what’s the point of having plentiful video,
when it hurts so much just to watch it? It’s possible to love the
format but hate the subject matter, you know. But why couldn’t the
Eagle Vision folks have chosen an artist that was easier on the ears
and eyes? Another artist – any artist!

Just for clarification, reunions aren’t inherently evil things. For
instance, who wasn’t overjoyed when Steely Dan finally got back
together and made up for all its lost touring time? Or how about all
those punk rock kids who finally got a chance to witness the reunited
Sex Pistols? Geez, I think even Queen’s upcoming tour without its
outlandish front man Freddie Mercury is a higher-demand item than these
dopes.

Most painful of all is the way this group takes itself so seriously and
how it is still unbelievably beloved by some (many?). But what is this
screwy perception based upon? Fan letters? Hits on its website? Big
egos that will not die? (Probably.)

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the world would be a far better
place if Twisted Sister had in reality existed as somebody’s imaginary
sister, instead. The knowledge that this New Jersey band is for real,
and in honest-to-goodness demand in Europe, ought to fill every
thinking person with morbidly apocalyptic thoughts. When people say
things like “The end is near,” they aren’t supposed to be talking about
somebody’s stinky backside. But in this case, they are. The butt we
have in plain view is the ugly, pimply mound of skin and fat that’s
called Twisted Sister.