Surviving the Holidays while Surviving Cancer

Decide ahead of time which family traditions you want to participate in, like decorating cookies
with your grandchildren, and which ones you might consider putting on hold this year.

It was a week before Christmas
and I was visiting with my
sister who had completed her
last radiation treatment for breast cancer
earlier that day. As she pointed to
a stack of plastic bins filled with Christmas
decorations, she sighed and said,
“I feel so bad, I’m not up to putting
them out this year.”

I reflected on similar boxes in my
living room that needed my attention.
I quickly realized that I didn’t have an
excuse for not having my decorations
up, but she did.

With all that
she had been
through with
surgery, chemotherapy,
and
radiation treatment
in the last
six months, no
one would challenge
her lack of
Christmas spirit.
But this was hard
for my sister to accept. She repeatedly
apologized for not sharing the joy of
the season with the rest of the family.

Yes, the holidays are a time for
celebration, rejoicing, and family
togetherness. However, the season
can be a stressful time for those who
are coping with cancer. The additional
holiday demands can create feelings
of being overwhelmed, mixed with
feelings of joy.

The season can be a stressful time for those who
are coping with cancer.

Melissa Minkley

If your family is coping with cancer
this holiday season, here are some key
points to consider as you plan for this
joyful – and busy – time of year.

Make a Plan
Decide ahead of time
which family traditions you want to participate
in and which ones you might
consider putting on hold this year. Feel
free to adjust those plans as the holidays
approach and your energy levels
and mood change.

Create New Traditions
Make the
most of your energy by creating new holiday
traditions that will limit the amount
of stress for yourself. Some traditions are
comforting and have special meaning,
but if not, consider letting the old,
cumbersome traditions go and creating
new ones.

Perform at Your Ability
Accept
your limitations and don’t beat yourself
up for not doing the things you think
you should be doing. Be gentle with
yourself. Respect what your body and
your mind are telling you.

Ask for Help
Let others know how
they can help you with shopping, baking,
preparing meals, and wrapping presents.
It’s OK to be specific about your requests
for help. Those who care about you also
have a desire to be helpful, and you can
help meet their needs by allowing them
to assist.

Simplify
Try to keep the holiday
planning and traditions simple. Shop online,
use mail-order catalogues, or just
give gift cards. Eat out at a restaurant for
a holiday meal or host a potluck supper.

Communicate Your Feelings
Talking
with your family and friends about
your wishes for the holidays will help
you clarify your needs. Share your needs
and concerns with your loved ones and
encourage them to do the same. Be respectful
of one another’s desires for the
holiday season and be willing to compromise
when needed.

It’s difficult to avoid the holidays.
But it is possible to make them easier
to manage with some thoughtful planning,
and by communicating your needs
with family and friends. Most importantly,
be kind to yourself. There is no
need to apologize for your limitations
or for those moments when you lack
the holiday spirit.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Melissa Minkley is a counselor
with Stillwaters Center, a community-based
cancer support organization in Waukesha,
WI. Since 1999, she has helped people
with cancer and their families cope with
the many psychosocial challenges of a
cancer diagnosis.

This article was published in Coping® with Cancer magazine,
November/December
2011.