After the affair, 'go to the mattresses'

Dear Amy: Last year, my husband had a brief affair with a woman who is the widow of his friend.

My husband came to me, told me of the affair, expressed guilt, admitted everything and asked me to forgive him after ending it.

I was devastated. However, my husband has been honest, attended counseling with me, continues to apologize for his inadequacies and supports me daily with trying to deal with this issue and build trust back into our marriage.

This other woman lives in our town. She was very manipulative and threw herself at my husband until their brief affair.

Now that it is over, she makes it a point to attend the same events we do. Prior to their affair, she was never this social.

She positions herself to sit near us. We move around, and she moves around, following us. This infuriates me.

My husband and I are moving on with our marriage, and working hard to do so, but at every event there she is, putting herself out there on purpose.

Do you have any suggestions, other than for us to sit home?

— Trying to Move On

Dear Trying: Your counselor knows you, so he or she might have a recommendation.

I don't know you, so I'm going to tell you what I would do: Taking a cue from "The Godfather," I would "go to the mattresses."

The next time she positions herself near you, don't run away. Stand your ground. Socialize exactly the way you want to.

Eventually, you could turn to her and use the "buzz-off" line that always seems to work so well in the movies.

You: (coolly) "Oh hello, Helen — can I help you with something?"

She: "No …" (she slinks away)

Dear Amy: A good friend of mine was recently married and invited us to his wedding reception at a nice restaurant.

My wife's parents and their children were also invited. My in-laws came to the reception, ate their fair share of the food and then left early.

Later, when the parents of the bride and groom were cleaning up, they noticed our table was missing a number of the decorative napkin holders. We realized then that our in-laws took them!

Worse yet, they did not leave a gift, card or any type of thank you.

I am quite upset that they would act this way. They are at times financially strapped, but only because of their poor spending habits.

My friend spent a lot of money on his reception and my in-laws took advantage of him.

I feel that my in-laws should not have accepted the invitation if they knew that they wouldn't be able to leave a gift.

Should I talk to my in-laws and let them know how I'm feeling? Should I have my wife talk to her parents?

Should I talk to my friend and let him know that my in-laws took the decorations?

— Son-in-law of moochers

Dear Son-in-law: If the decorations at your table were missing after the reception, then the hosts already know who swiped them.

Your in-laws are embarrassing, but they are also individuals. If they want to careen through the world, graceless and tacky, there isn't much that you, as a son-in-law, can do about it.

If this wedding was hosted by your primary friend, then you could say to your in-laws, "I was surprised that you chose to take the table decorations from the reception. Those were not gifts for the guests. I am pretty embarrassed about that."

You and your wife should discuss this; she may choose to speak with them about the fact that they didn't give the wedded couple a gift.

Dear Amy: "A Very Concerned Son" called 911 when his elderly mother was repeating herself during a phone conversation. Later, his family told him this was unnecessary.

He did the right thing.

I speak from experience. Almost the exact same scenario happened with my mom. I called 911 and later it was determined that she had had a stroke.

— Grateful for Paramedics

Dear Grateful: My inbox is crowded with stories like yours. All agree that this son did the right thing.