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Friday, 8 November 2013

Week 10 They call me The Grambler

Howdy doody all you gramblers out there.Is anyone trying to cultivate some hirsute topiary this month?Just me then. Yes I’m talking about Movember, Mo grow, or
whatever you want to call this month of growing moustaches.Actually, I know of a few others who are
giving it a grow.Fellow Well supporter Ian
from East Kilbeard, Tony from Manchesthair and Alasdair from Whiteshaven – Oh,
hang on; he’s already got one.Well, he
could grow another one.Somewhere else.

So, how is my attempt at a tache going?Well, Jimmy Edwards it ain’t (ask your dad).At the moment it is more…Catweazle (ask your
dad).Actually, it’s worse than that;
nobody has even noticed that I am trying to grow it!

Anyway, let’s make a start on this week’s predictions with a little toon
from Dion and the Belmonts…

They call me the grambler
Yeah, the grambler
I gramble round, around, around, around, around

What’s that susposed to be?Hardly in keeping, is it?A song about promiscy…promiscu…manking about,
unprotected intercom…interpol…sex (There, I’ve said it) and abandon
ship…ment!I meant ment.Goodness knows how many little nippers were
spawned after would-be Casablancas heard that song and thought it was all right
to go spreading their manure…wild oats…I mean wild oats!No wonder this world’s in the state it’s
in.That Celine Dion and the Bellends
have got a lot to answer for.This is
susposed to be an blog about raising awareness of bowel cancer in young people.It is susposed to get you lot…what are you
called?Readers!It is susposed to encourage you to give lots
of money to the Bobby Moore fund.Ooh, I
liked him.Deferably the best Bond.Some people think that other one…the bald one
that talks funny…Sinead O’Connor!Him.They think he was the best
Double O Gauge, or that Pierce Morgan, but I deferably think Bobby Moore was
the best.Ooh, what was that film?It was really good.The one about the cat with eight legs….etc.
etc. ad infinitum.

Ahem.Let us
gramble.

We have a bit of a dilemma this week as to which games
should be eligible for this weekend’s Grambler predictions.It is the first round of the FA Cup in England so that kind of cuts out the lower English leagues for
us.Sticking with the rule that all
games must take place at 3pm
on Saturday 9th of November we can choose from purely senior league games
which means there are only 33 matches for The Grambler to consider – more than
half of them from the Scottish leagues.Or, we could include all the FA Cup games as well which would give us 66
to choose from.Yep, 33 games on
Saturday are devoted to the first round of the FA Cup.I am thinking that the first figure of 33
league games is too few, especially with the Scottish bias.66, on the other hand, could be okay but (yes
there is a but), this being the first round there are lots of games between
clubs which many of you out there in Gramblerland have never even heard
of.Would you really be interested in
seeing whether Stourbridge can beat Biggleswade?Or whether CorbyTown can see off Devon Athletic?I suspect that you couldn’t give a monkey’s.

So, here’s the deal; we will restrict our selection to
games from the senior leagues plus those games from the FA Cup that are between
clubs from the senior leagues.How does
that sound?I don’t know why I am
asking; I am doing it anyway.

Thus, we are selecting from the much more manageable,
and less Scottish biased, total of 46.So, sadly, no Staines or Brackley.

Here we go two three four…Oh dear.I have just received The Grambler’s
predictions.Not a home win amongst
them.Three draws and two aways.Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Game – Result – Odds

DerbyCounty vs Sheffield Wednesday –
Draw - 12/5

For The Grambler’s first prediction we go to PridePark home of the Rams who welcome the Owls for this
Championship (Division 2!!!) game.The
Rams have been having a pretty good season so far sitting in 11th
place at the moment.The Owls on the
other hand are struggling a bit and are 10 places lower in the division.So the obvious choice in this game is DerbyCounty to win, surely.But The Grambler sees things differently [always does – Ed] and thinks
Wednesday might pick up a point.He/she/it could have a point [The Grambler gets a point as well? – Ed]
as County lost last Saturday to QPR.Perhaps no surprise as QPR currently sit third in the table.But hold on there.The Owls actually won a game last Saturday
[And? – Ed] and that was against Reading – currently sitting 5th.It should also be noted that last season’s
meetings between the two ended as draws.Another draw?Possible.

LeicesterCity vs NottinghamForest – Draw –
5/2

For our second game we head slightly south to LeicesterCity’s King Power Stadium [king stupid name – Ed] where
they play host to Forest.Leicester are doing very well indeed, sitting 2nd in the Championship
(see above!!!).Forest
are also doing pretty well and are currently in 6th spot.However, the wheels seem to have come off the
bogey for Forest recently, taking only 1 point from the most recent
three games.So, on current form, The
Foxes should be taking all the points.Once again, The Grambler sees things differently and predicts a
draw.This could be down to the fact
that in the past 6 meetings between the teams, 4 have ended as draws.So, is The Grambler on to something?Or just wrong as usual.

Before we move on, I think we have a cracking name of
the week.Step forward Leicester defender Zoumana Bakayogo.Brill.

Motherwell
link: Billy Davies, Forest’s
manager used to play for and manage the Mighty ‘Well.I told you that last time Forest
came up.Oh, did I tell you he was a
very good friend of Tommy Sheridan? [You did mention it – Ed].

Forfar
Athletic vs BrechinCity – Away win
– 9/5

Third match of this week’s predictions takes us to StationPark, Forfar where the Loons play host to the
Hedgemen.It is the second meeting of
these teams this season.Brechin won
that one 2-1, so maybe The Grambler, with a prediction of another win for
Brechin, has called this one correctly.Ah, you say, Forfar won the previous game.Ah, I say, but Brechin won the previous
two.So there!Go Grambler, go Grambler.

Time for a little explanation.The name the Loons comes from a northern
Scots word for young man.It comes from
the days when supporters also went to see reserve teams, which featured younger
players, hence going to see the ‘loons’.Isn’t that interesting? [No – Ed].Also Brechin isn’t a city [Oh shut up – Ed].

Oldham
Athletic vs Wolverhampton Wanderers – Away win – Evens

For the second week running The Grambler has chosen to
give us stale meat.Old ham.Do you see?Yes, the Latics this week play host to Wolves.Like last week The Grambler predicts the
Latics will lose. This is a first round FA Cup match, although both sides play
in League 1 (Division 3!!!).If we go by
table positions – Wolves are 2nd and Oldham
are 17th – this prediction should be spot on.However, cup matches can throw up some
surprises.Oldham
spoiled The Grambler’s prediction last week – please don’t do it again.

Stevenage vs Portsmouth – Draw –
9/4

And finally, Cyril?And finally, Esther, we go to Broadhall Way where the Boro play host to an old favourite of ours,
Pompey.Again this is a cup match so Stevenage, playing in a division higher than Portsmouth, are expected to win.But it is a cup match and
things can always turn out differently to the way they might do in other
circumstances.I’m sticking up for you
now Grambler, because you reckon a draw will be the outcome of this one.I think a draw is a possibility.They have only met three times before and
honours are even [Eh? – Ed] with one win each and one draw [Oh, I see – Ed].The last meeting ended nil – nil; who’s to
say this won’t end the same way [Probably everyone but you and The Grambler –
Ed].

So there you have it fellow gramblers, five
predictions which, if they all come up, gives us odds of 248/1 so that my 20 pee bet will give us a return of nearly 45
quids.

Ah, but we are poltroons here in Gramblerland and
always do a cowardly doubles bet so that if more than one result is correct,
there is at least some return.If three
results come up we might actually be in profit.Four; even better.And if we get
the magic five, well ten 20 pee doubles would net us just over 18 quids.

So go to it all you gramblers out there.Let’s see if we can give the bookies a doing
this week and donate all that lovely dosh to the Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Arse
Fund.

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