Hi Rowane, depression seems to make everyone feel guilt for having suicidal thoughts , especially with someone depending on us. Getting through depression is a tough road, I've dealt with it most of my life, sometimes its not as bad, but it can come out of nowhere and start back up again. Welcome to the forum, there's many people here who can relate to how you feel. Take care and nice to meet you.
Brian

It is clear, that you are suffering an incredible amount. That saddens me, to see anyone suffering so much. I would like to help you. Do you understand why we feel suicidal? I said we, because I am suicidal too. If you don't would you like for me to explain it to you? The best way for us to help you, you would need to share more of your story. What is going on with you? Why do you feel this way? I would love to hear all about your child. Here you are safe. No one will judge you or ridicule you in any way. That behavior is not tolerated here. If you get really bored, I invite you to read my story below in green. Know that you are not alone in your pain. You are not alone in your suffering.

If you would like, we could discuss your situation in private. That is perfectly fine. Feel free to PM/IM me anytime.