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Dating Advice For Single Men:Should You Take Her Back?

D

ating advice for single men is a very broad topic, so we'll narrow it down to men who are single in the sense of not having a wife or girlfriend at the moment. And we'll exclude single men who have never had a girlfriend, as that's also a bigger topic.

That leaves single men who've had at least one girlfriend (by which we mean someone they were having sex with) but are no longer with her.

Dating Advice For
Single Men: Don't
Take Her Back

Chances are high that it was her who broke up with him and not the other way around. That's the common pattern in relationships, especially for guys who haven't had many girlfriends. Few men will dump a woman who's putting out (no matter how badly she treats him) unless he first finds a replacement who will also put out for him.

And guys who've been with only one woman are in the worst position, as there's no way to compare the girl they had with others. They'll end up comparing "sex with a woman" (her) with "doing it yourself", as those will be the only experiences they've had to date. And it's not hard to guess which experience he'll remember more fondly: the "genuine article".

What's more, his mind will play tricks as the time increases since his girlfriend broke things off with him. He'll fixate on the good times they had (mostly in bed) while his memories of how poorly he was often treated will fade. Like "the fish that got away" which grows larger each time the story is retold, his memory of her grows ever more positive as time passes.

“… he'll grovel ... he'll beg ... he'll promise to change …”

He'll obsess on what he did "wrong", what he could have done differently and/or what he could have done better: he'll grovel ... he'll beg ... he'll promise to change.

But all that doesn't normally work for two reasons:

Once the "magic" is gone, it rarely returns

Guys who grovel are not a turn-on for women

Many sites that provide dating advice for single men focus on ways to get an old girlfriend back again. And it can be done we've managed that feat several times when we were first starting out. However, those relationships rarely continued for very long the second time around. They picked up where they had earlier left off (i.e. not well) and deteriorated further rather quickly.

Therefore, our best dating advice for single men is to ask yourself

"Do I really want her back?"

Most single guys in that situation will answer "Yes!" reflexively, but don't be so quick.

Give it some serious thought.

For example, why do you want her back? By this point, you may have convinced yourself that she was an absolute angel if so, think harder about specific events when you were together.

What did you fight about?

How often?

Who always won the fights?

Were you treated kindly most of the time?

What was the best part about the relationship?

What were the worst parts?

Was there anything you would have changed about her (if given the opportunity)?

“… the relationship consisted of small periods of joy (mostly in bed) separated by long periods of stress …”

If you're brutally honest with yourself, you're likely to realize that the relationship consisted of small periods of joy (mostly in bed) separated by long periods of stress.

Therefore, the better dating advice for single men in that situation is to just let go and move on. Even if you do get her back, the relationship is unlikely to endure or to be joyous.

Learn from the past, but set your sights forward.

The time you spend finding your next girlfriend will be far better spent than it would be trying to resuscitate a failed past relationship.