John W. James

Where were you when I needed you?

The saddest question we ever hear is, "Where were you when I needed you?"

That's what people ask when they find out what we do in helping grievers. We're presenting helpful and accurate information on this site, at the time you need it most, with the hope that you'll never need to ask that question.

It's an honor and a sad privilege to be addressing you, knowing that each of you has recently experienced the death of someone important to you. We also know some of you are reading this because of your care and concern for someone who is confronted by the death of someone important in their life.

We bring our personal experience in dealing with the deaths of people who were important to us, and our professional know-how in helping grievers for more than 30 years. We'll help you distinguish between the "raw grief" that is your normal and natural reaction to the death, and the equally normal "unresolved grief" that relates to the unfinished emotions that are part of the physical ending of all relationships.

A basic reality for most grieving people is difficulty concentrating or focusing. With that in mind, we asked Tributes.com to print our articles in a large type font to make them easier to read. Sharing our concern for grieving people, they agreed.

Ask The Grief Experts

The death of a younger sibling can be very painful for those of us who helped raise them. (Published 6/7/2016)

Q:

My baby brother died a year and a half ago. I cry almost every day. My father has died as well as other loved ones, but this has really been hard. Is this normal, or should I talk to an expert?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Teresa,

Thanks for your note and question.

It’s really difficult to determine what’s normal for any individual, because so much about our feelings relates to the level and degree of the relationship we had with the person who died.

Based on you saying he was your “baby” brother, we might guess that you had some part in raising him or taking care of him when he was younger. If that’s true, it could certainly add a whole other dimension to your grief.

Regardless if that guess is accurate or not, we think that the fact that you may not have taken any recovery actions in the last 18 months may be the key element in your ongoing pain. Please go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. As you do, you’ll feel a shift, and the constant sadness will lift. You may still feel a need to talk to an expert, but maybe not.