laying low + my women’s march

so, I’m not marching today. no, it’s not because I don’t have the opportunity (thousands of Denverites are marching at this very moment just a few miles from me) and it’s also not for lack of wanting to be part of something as powerful as millions of women (and men!) gathering in solidarity to raise awareness of women’s right. honestly, my internal dialogue had been in a battle the last few days trying to decide what I want to do — what I should do.

my reasons for not wanting to participate may not be acceptable to some and perhaps would even be viewed as excuses (e.g., large crowds, not being prepared). but, in the end, the opposition won out and I’m currently at home in my pjs writing this post. but, man, do I feel conflicted. like, to the point where I’m experiencing a bit of anxiety right now because I realize posting this will “out” me as not participating in the march. and what will that mean and how will my friends perceive me and will they think less of me because they made signs and got up early and braved the cold and I’m a lame fucking loser who is at home in her pjs?

so, yeah, there’s all of that.

but, I know in my heart of hearts that me not participating in a march doesn’t mean I don’t care. it doesn’t mean I’m any less disappointed and disgusted and fucking terrified by what may take place in our country over the next four years. it doesn’t mean I’m any less of a strong (and, nasty) woman. it doesn’t mean I will put up any less of a fight for basic human rights for all — including women. it just means my feelings and my fight look a bit different from those who are marching. and, despite all of my internal critics shouting at me that that’s not enough, that that’s not okay, I know it is.

so, I’m choosing the path of laying low today. I’m reading, relaxing and watching the live stream of the D.C. march. I’m participating in my own way and the way that feels most right to me right now.

to all who are marching today, though, thank you. thank you for being brave and awesome. thank you for standing up for our rights and taking part in this historic event. and even though I may not be there beside you, I am there with you in spirit. #WomenUnite #LoveNotHate