Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Tuesday Typhoon!

That's a cooler name than the Tuesday Smorgasboard, right? It basically means the same thing: we'll be covering a hodgepodge of topics. But while the smorgasboard reminds you of old people and Jeopardy episodes from 1988, the Tuesday Typhoon is a raging badass that careens from one topic to another, leaving terrible destruction in its wake.

1) On the topic of badasses: I had to do an Adobe Illustrator project for a Multimedia class I'm in, and I decided the subject would be Nolan Smith. The basic task was to make a silhouette of a person, add some text, and put in a graph. Here's the result (click to make it bigger):

My professor in that class is a very cool dude, but clearly he must hate me.

2) Serious question: do you think the people who make Spam, the processed meat, are pissed that the name of their food is used to describe annoying, unsolicited e-mails? I was thinking about this the other day, and it can't sit well with them. The origin story of the whole thing can be read here. It more or less amounts to the fact that early internet nerds loved Monty Python. And who can blame them? But I bet at spam headquarters, they call spam mail something else. In fact, I bet they get all cute and call it another meat name, like "turkey."

Spam Employee 1: Gosh, more turkey mail! It's like these guys never stop!

Spam Employee 2: I know! Do you think anybody even clicks on turkey mail anymore??

New Spam Employee: What are you guys talking about? What's turkey mail?

Spam Employee 1: You know, like when people send you annoying mail you don't want in an weird attempt to sell their product.

New Spam Employee: Oh, you mean like spam mai-

Spam Employee 1: GET THE FUCK OUT! TURN AROUND AND FUCKING GO!

New Spam Employee: But I was just-

Spam Employee 2: PACK YOUR FUCKING BAGS AND WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY!

3) Did you guys see this? A Louisville cheerleader got T'ed up for throwing the ball in the air when he thought the game was over. Video:

Classic. It ended up not costing Louisville the game, which is really great for that particular cheerleader. Pitino called him up to joke about it at the end of the game, a cool move for a guy who wears a white suit. Only one guy came out looking like a douchebag- Preston Knowles. From the story:

It was a bizarre way to end an otherwise fulfilling victory. Preston Knowles wasn't so forgiving immediately after the game.

"Honestly, I'm still mad about that because that could have cost us the game," Knowles said. "I have to say no comment."

Take yourself a little more seriously, Preston, you humorless prig. Also, when you make a direct comment on the record, the "no comment" afterward doesn't count.

4) I pulled a real Tobias move this morning. I woke up with the song "Jessie's Girl" in my head. I don't even really like that song, but we hear it on the radio all the time. Anyway, I was kind of singing unconsciously to myself, and these were my lyrics:

"I wish I was Jessie's girl!, buh-bum-buh-bum-BUM! I wish I was Jessie's girl!"

My girlfriend heard this from the kitchen and was a bit horrified. "It's 'I wish I had Jessie's girl," she said. "It's a guy's song."

I definitely felt emasculated at that moment, and the only way to save face was to really commit to the mistake. So when I got to the chorus, I sang, "why can't I be a woman like that?!" My girlfriend left soon after. Whether it was to go to class, like she said, or to find a new boyfriend in unclear.

6) With Duke set to defend the Perfection Proclamation tomorrow night, I thought I'd take a look at other teams in D-1 with undefeated home records. Here's the list, with road or neutral losses in parentheses:

San Diego State and Washington lost their perfect home marks this past weekend. Teams with some fight left include Ohio State (home against Wisconsin), Missouri (home against Kansas), and UNC (home against Duke). Wisconsin and Notre Dame, with no more home games, have clinched.

That list might be interesting to check out when the bracket pool is upon us; teams that win the games they should. Could it be a predictor of tournament success? We will know shortly.

7) Here's some Kyrie content for the junkies. It includes a video of his rehab, and a vague statement about his chances of returning that doesn't sound very optimistic. I love the clips of him talking to Nolan on the bench:

8) I should have mentioned this before, and I will certainly mention it more later, but please check out the Duke blogging community's tribute to Nolan Smith: Rollin' with Nolan for Player of the Year. They were kind enough to include me on their discussions, and kind enough not to get annoyed when my weak from hell precluded me from producing anything for them. The campaign is afoot!

9) The Top 5 plays from Temple are pretty hilarious. Dawkins trying to get anything from Singler is funny enough, and then at the very end he attacks Ryan Kelly with the microphone and mocks him about a missed shot.

10) Tomorrow is the Duke-Clemson preview. It's the go-out-strong game, senior night, the lead-up to the biggest game of the season. Catch a tiger by the toe. See you then.