Most of the RSS feeds on this sites are meant to be a venue for me to communicate flashes of insight on topics contained within the architectonic of Transcendental Qabala. I often find myself wanting to comment on the process as a whole, however - how I'm feeling, the gist of what I'm trying to communicate - and I hesitate to do this because I don't really have a place for it. Sometime I make comments like that in the "ENDEAVOR" feed, but that one is really supposed to be articulating a theory, not giving a personal account.

An issue I'm having right now is one that has plagued me for a long time but is particularly intense right now: as soon as an idea I have becomes fairly clear to me (or an idea in a book I'm reading), I'm not motivated to express it any longer. It's only the half-formed and inconsistent that can hold my attention. I do an enormous amount of tortured-and-ecstatic work making my way towards consistency, but then just as the fully articulated structure comes into focus... I passionately shift my attention to some other badly-posed question or cloudy, dubious formulation.

On the one hand, sure, the unclear is inherently more interesting, because it has a mysterious not-yet quality to it. But I am beginning to detect that there is a certain weakness, passivity, even fearfulness in the attraction to the unclear. Never rendering something in an obvious and digestible form is akin to never making a firm decision - i.e. it is akin to what I designate "the hyperborean".