Putin Drinks Glass of Polonium Every Day

MOSCOW – Russia – Polonium-210 is lethal to humans but Russian president Vladimir Putin has worked up an immunity to it.

According to Russian sources, including the president’s personal chamber maid, he drinks a glass of polonium each morning with his breakfast.

“I deliver the glass to our Tsar in a lead lined box. He then drinks it down in one. Afterwards, I have to take the empty glass to a special area where it is sealed and disposed of with other nuclear waste,” Svetlana Babushka, told the Tass news agency.

Former FSB agent, Igor Rostov, revealed that over the years of poisoning his dissenters and rivals, Putin slowly grew immune to the effects, and many have tried to poison Putin to no avail.

“We were out in Siberia on a shooting trip when Putin pulled down his trousers and urinated in a lake. By sundown all the wildlife and fish had died and were floating on the lake,” the former friend of Putin, who is now dead, revealed before his death in August.