"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
-Variety

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Moe knows how to cock a cannon...

Oh, you know THAT's going to get a response, probably from the pervs! I swear it's in this week's Stooge flic, Half Shot Shooters. I'm leaving out the hyphen here because it wasn't in the title card. Another Stooge war epic. How many they have yet to do. This one covers the two World Wars, no less! We start in 1918 with some great stock footage. I imagine Columbia got it from somewhere on the cheap. That's Poverty Row for you. And of course, if only because it's funny, the Stooges are asleep in the foxhole. Well, eye gouges and face slaps burn a lot of calories, and a Stooge needs much more sleep than the average person. As we all know, there are no atheists in foxholes, but there are three sleeping Stooges, and not just for the 12 days of Christmas. Their Sergeant rudely disturbs their sleep, informing them that the war's just ended. Good screenplay trick! The Sergeant proceeds to give Curly and Larry a black eye, and twists Moe's arm. The black eyes are lingered on for a reason. Through some terrible bureaucratic mishap, the Stooges get medals for valor. Black eyes count as being wounded in battle. Reminds me of all those pre-Tea Party types trying to devalue John Kerry's Vietnam medals. Oh, I hate it when I think about things like that, but I will say the Stooges' revenge on their Sergeant seems a little over the top. Curly finds a board with nails sticking out of it, and hits the Sergeant in the ass with it. Long story. Watch for yourself. Somehow that violates the Stooge code, but it all pays off later. Flash forward to 1935 and the Stooges find themselves moving a lot slower. The fact that their shoes have no bottom probably doesn't help. They run afoul of a dining Vernon Dent, get chased down the block, and find themselves re-enlisting in the Army. And guess who they meet? The weird part is no one seems to have aged a day, let alone 17 years. Hey, give me some of what they're taking! I guess that's Act Two. The Sergeant gets revenge on the Stooges' revenge, and we get an hilarious hard-of-hearing misunderstanding sketch that seems to go on longer than it should. Well, 16 minutes is a lot of time to kill, as it turns out. The Stooges are deafened by a gun shot; another long story. Another officer questioning the Stooges after they've lost their hearing says "Are you prepared to defend this republic and..." Moe replies, "Republican? No, I'm a Democrat!" You know who you are, but if that doesn't force you to abandon this review or the Stooges in general at this point, nothing will. I thought the Stooges rose above or below politics myself, but there it is! It's public record now.Act Three: time for some training on the big gun. It's been 17 years and there have been some advances in warfare technology since World War I. The Stooges are sent to get powder and shells for the gun. It's at that precise moment that target practice is called off, but the Stooges are nothing if not efficient task completers, especially if there's a big comedic payoff later. They come sailing in on a wagon full of powder and shells, singing that old song they seem to sing a lot... hold on, let me see if I can Wikipedia the lyrics or something... this seems to be it. Poor ol' Ted Healy. Wonder whatever happened to him. Anyway, the Stooges take the bull by the horn and decide to go through with target practice, leading to an hilarious finish. Personally, I think Boobs in Arms gets the formula right, but that's just me. Or maybe it's just a funnier title.

***-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Next week: Disorder in the Court... oh, for God's sake. Where am I ever going to find a copy of THAT?!!