Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ever read Big Hairy News? Consistently funny and good photochops. Until I think of something decent to post here, you should go check out his stuff. I haven't been there so much lately, but today I was glad I did. Seems like me 'n Scooter have been on pretty much the same wavelength.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

OK, I caught some grief for not having seen Iron Man. But I have seen the flick about the infected monkey and the resulting death, chaos and mayhem. (Call me weird, but I think Dustin Hoffman looked really hot in that plastic hazmat suit.)

Animal advocates said they are okay that deputies issued a "shoot to kill" order when about 56 exotic animals escaped from a private Ohio zoo. A gray wolf and monkey (possibly infected with herpes B)...

I'm not sure why we even tolerate the existence of monkeys. All they do is fling poo and spread The Herp. We shouldn't be waiting around for a suicidal zookeeper to let his monkey loose. We should be shooting monkeys wherever we find them. Letting disease-ridden critters live long enough to escape is just the kind of monkeybusiness that leads to Martial Law. The kind of Martial Law where guys in plastic suits search our stuff for disease-vector "Patient Zero" monkeys. It is time to take a stand!!!

P.S. The recent outbreak of Herp-B at #OccupyCleveland may or may not be related...

[Axelrod] "Hey, don't misunderstand! I'm not against any of these things!"

[Biden, Daley, Jarrett] "Neither are we!"

[Obama] "Then what's the problem?"

[Axelrod] "The people. They're stupid. They're not buying it."

[Obama] "Whaddwe need the people for, anyway?"

[Axelrod] "They're going to vote for a Republican if we don't get things straightened out!"

[Obama] "As if. They'll never vote for a Republican as long as I am the alternative. I am The One. I am Special."

[Axelrod] "They haven't yet built a short bus short enough to transport your kind of special."

[Biden] "I've done a lot of seat-time in the short bus, myself!"

[Obama, to Axelrod] "How dare you!"

[Axelrod] "Da**it! The people are sick of the high-rollin' too-cool-for-you kind of politics. That's what the #OWS people are upset about. It's what everybody is upset about. Trying to win on account of being cool this election cycle is like whizzing into a strong headwind. It'll fail miserably. It's why Cain is ahead of you in the latest poll! He seems like Joe Ordinary and people are liking it."

[Biden] "Cain? Don't be ridiculous. America is a bunch of racists. They'll never vote for a black guy!"

[All turn and stare at Joe for 1.33 seconds and then facepalm]

[Obama] "So, let's assume you're correct. Even though we know you're not. What would be the next step?"

[Axelrod] "You have to relate better to the ordinary American. Like how Bubba Clinton did with that 'I feel yer pain' schtick. You have to get down to their level. You have to make this sacrifice in order to win another term and complete the transformation of America."

[Obama, downtwinkles gesture] "Ick. Ick. Ick. Mingling with the proles - how distasteful. Next you'll be telling me I have to quit golfing and eating wagyu beef."

[Axelrod] "At least cut back. And maybe take up a more blue-collar pastime like, I dunno, bowling. Oh, wait..."

[Obama, petulant] "No! America will accept me the way I am. If I am too good for them, well, their loss!"

[Axelrod] "If you try to 'stay the course' of your failures, we, and all the progressive movement, will be in deep crapioca. It could lead to decades of conservative stewardship of this nation. Maybe even widespread prosperity and a new embrace of capitalism and self-reliance."

[Obama, arms crossed defiantly] "I. Don't. Care."

[Biden] "Mmmm... Crapioca!"

[Jarrett, under her breath] "I knew this would happen. We're screwed."

Meanwhile, far, far beneath Mt. Rushmore....

[Casey] "Romney is a RiNO licksphincter, Perry is shooting himself in the foot and then reloading and doing it again, and Cain has his foot in his mouth like it is a slice of pizza."

Monday, October 17, 2011

My daughter-in-law is staying with us for a while. She's been using my computer a lot. Which is fine. Except for NOT LOGGING ME OUT of YouTube before she watched a *bunch* of stupid stuff that is now appearing all over my "channels you might like" section. So if you're looking over my shoulder at stuff I look at on YouTube, you might think I'm a moron. While that may be technically true, the YouTube junk is not valid evidence against me.
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On days (like today) that I can barely stay awake, I watch this vid. It'll usually give me enough of a boost to keep the eyes open for a half hour or so.

I'm not into Evanescence, but the song works for this vid. And even stupid French-made delta-wingers look cool when they're rockin' through the Alps. Ve haff an excellent Air Force ve promise nefer to use because ve are fiercely neutral, ja!
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I saw this one on a friend of a friend's Facebook. Note: I hate Facebook, but my wife uses it and she brought this to my attention.

Judging from the number of views it has, I must be the last person on earth to know about this.
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Serious question: If Cain is our nominee, won't that tend to suppress the black vote? Maybe suppress isn't the right word. Dunno. But there's nothing historic about voting for pResident Obeyme a second time. Nor much other reason to be excited about him. Yet the majority of black vote usually goes to the dem. So I can see a lot of people saying to themselves "Either way, we have a black man in office... Obama isn't all that great, and I don't really want to vote for Cain, so I think I'll just stay home this time." Down-ticket races could end up being a slaughter. In a good way, of course.
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I'm in the middle of a whoppin' engraving project. It's gonna take about 20 hours just of machine time. Then and only then do I actually get around to the hands-on fiddling around. Which means this would be a great time to be writing funny stuff. If only I could think of some...
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I'm a total sucker for this kind of buh-dadada-buh march beat.

Nugent's Stranglehold has it as well during some of the song. Am I missing any others?
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In the previous thread, A Pissed Off Irishman noted the anti-Semitic vibe to the OWS protests. This one is long and has some graphic scenes of the Holocaust. But it totally shreds the pro-life argument while illustrating ongoing anti-Semitism. Makes this one seem rather timely.

If ya don't have time to watch it right now, bookmark it and come back when you can.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Ever wonder why the #OWS screechmonkeys can't seem to come up with a coherent platform or vision? Is it because of inherent contradictions in their worldview? Is it all the disparate groups all muddled under one too-big-of-a-tent?

No. It is because of the Moonbat Rules of Polite Debate and Discourse, Vol. 2, Revised, which I dutifully present to you:

No wonder they accomplish nothing. However, they do provide blog fodder for those days when nothing else is worth writing about. Lars Larson made an impromptu visit to these cretins today during his radio show. He had to do it wirelessly since Portland wouldn't let him lay down any wiring. Unfortunately, as soon as he turned on his Verizon MiFi, the poor downtrodden fleabags overwhelmed his bandwidth with all their Proletariat iPhones and Oppressed Workers' MacBook Airs making the broadcast too choppy to continue.

Down the road in Eugene, (pronounced "M-O-S-C-O-W") some protohumans torched an SUV which had first been graffiti'd with various contradictory slogans and slams on Eugene mayor (and High Mistress of All Moonbats) Kitty Pearcy. What sense that is supposed to make, I dunno. That they've resorted to burning cars a-la the "youth" of Paris doesn't surprise me as much as the idea of them actually mastering fire. I thought that was beyond them. Especially here in the damp northwest. It could signify one of those "apes whacking each other with femurs in that 2001 movie" kind of quantum leaps that make the hippies actually dangerous. Or, it could mean one of 'em was lighting up his sneak-a-toke in the SUV and had a little problem. I think the odds are pretty even either way.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The "Occupy [insert town here]" people aren't very scary. But still, you should be on your toes around them. 'Cuz there's a lot of their poo on the ground.

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So Iran tried to arrange a hit on the Saudi and Israeli ambassadors. And our response is... wait for it... More sanctions. What? We're still holding sanction cards we haven't played yet? Iran has been building nukes, threatening their neighbors, funding the Hezbos, stirring up the Shiite insurgency in Iraq (which got a bunch of our troops DEAD), ridin' around on motorcycles killin' their own people, yadda yadda. And we haven't hit 'em with every single stinkin' sanction imaginable? How much must a country misbehave before we go "all in" on sanctions?

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Or maybe barry is just a lot more bothered about Saudi diplomats dying than our own troops....

Friday, October 7, 2011

Seems like the little shin-dig they be havin' on Wall Street is contagious, and the morons in Portland wanna play, too. Great. Here's a taste:

Since I'm in a college town not far away, I live among and have to deal with his sort all the time. Bad enough when they are American idiots. Bringing in foreign morons is taking things too far. With his bloo'y wankah accent, I can't catch everything he's saying. So maybe I'm wrong when he holds up a little jar of drugs and talks about smoking it. OK, Limey. You've been hoodwinked. If you think that is good stuff worth YouTubing, you're really lame. Weed should be green and fuzzy and kinda sticky and should smell like a skunk mating with a freshly-cut Christmas Tree. (I haven't touched the stuff since '94, but I remember a few things. I haven't *always* been a Model CitizenTM.) It should NOT look like garlic powder. Go find the punk who sold you that junk and beat the crap out of have some thoughtful non-violent dialog with him about his crappy weed.

The one in the lower-right corner can occupy most of Portland
all by herself.

These are the people whining about lack of opportunity because Corporate America is such a downer. Well, whiner, to Corporate America, your appearance is a downer. Maybe if it didn't look like you've been shot in the face with a hardware store, and maybe if you took those stupid tribal wooden thingies out of your earlobes, you could get a job. But I won't hold my breath for that to happen. Even though I'd like to, as your smell is unpleasant. Hate to burst your bubble even further, but Urban Outfitters is a corporation. Complete with like a Corporate Headquarters and Guys in Suits and all that. I'll wait while you process that little tidbit...

OK? Good.

These are also the same people who have "Keep Portland Weird!" stickers on the backs of their Subarus. Kids, Portland doesn't need your help. The fruitwads in City Hall have the weird all locked down and going nowhere. The latest? MANDATORY composting! Yep, ya can't throw away your food waste. Can't toss the fuzzloaf that has been in the back of the 'fridge since '06. It has to go in the Yard Debris recycle bin now. Wait. What if you're an apartment dweller and don't have a Yard Debris bin? You get a shiny new plastic bucket from the City of Portland to put your organic arugula scraps in! Yay! And since you have this bucket, the City has decided that they don't need to pick up your garbage every week, but instead will only come every other week! Double-Yay! Your plankton/tofu nutloaf leftovers get to sit in a bucket for two weeks! Won't fit in your fridge? No problem! Just put it outside to attract disease-carrying vermin and freegans. (sorry 'bout the redundancy) What if you're an apartment dweller with no real 'outside'? Umm, tough crap, amigo! Put it out in the hallway next to your loud neighbor's door and hope for the best!

Everything about these longhaired maggot-infested FM types makes me want to hurl. But I'm on an empty stomach. So I guess I'll douse a Spotted Owl in napalm and use him to light a pile of old tires on fire, over which I'll sacrifice a barrel of crude oil to Exxon/Mobil while checking my stock ticker.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This is artwork I just received that is to go on an award the City of ********* is giving itself. I, for one, will sleep that much better knowing that these guys are ready to step up in the event of an earthquake, volcanic eruption, or spilled cappuccino.

If you stupid teabagger wingnuts would just allow yourselves to be taxed higher, maybe they could afford to buy a vowel. Shame on the whole lot of you.