Eternally Awake

Summary:
I was a vampire now... Why couldn't my life just balance out? Bella has just endured her transformation, and she is excited about begining her eternity with Edward. However, fate seems to be against her happiness. Everything that was supposed to be fixed only seems to be intensified. Is there a way for her to get what she wants and keep everything she left behind safe, too?

Notes:
New chapter should be up soon!

13. Gears

The bland landscape of Canada passed by us, slowly compared to the speed it normally flew by at. I gazed out the window at the never changing gray skies.

“Bells?” whispered Edward from the driver’s seat, the smell of his breath momentarily dazzling me. I gathered myself and turned to see his smoldering golden eyes, the color mine would have been if I were strong enough to resist. The guilt started to reappear, but I pushed it back down.

“Yeah?” I responded. He was worried, of course; his thoughts showed it.

“You okay?” His face was sincere, of course, and loving. I wanted to smile at the thought that he could love me in spite of what I had done, but other thoughts that passed through my mind stopped that. What if he didn’t love me; had seen what a monster I truly was? What if he was just pretending to forgive me? What if he left me? I started to cringe internally, and small, dry sobs started to escape my chest.

“Bells?” he said again, his voice alert and concerned. “Bella, whatever it is, its fine. I love you.”

“How?” I whispered. “How can you love me after this? After killing not just anyone, but my own father? How could you love a monster?”

“Because you aren’t a monster,” he stated, brushing my cheek with the back of his left hand, tracing down to my lips and gently drawing an imaginary outline around them. “A monster kills for the sake of killing, and doesn’t regret it. A monster has had a soul, but lost it because of ignoring it. Isabella, you are not a monster. Now tell me what’s really wrong.” His honey eyes poured into mine in a way that, had I been human, would have made me faint. I surrendered at this and let everything spill out.

“I just – they knew this would happen; they set me up for it! I feel awful for killing one person, and they aren’t guilty in the slightest for killing a couple thousand! Not to mention all the other people they’ve killed in the past! They just – they just don’t deserve to live anymore. The world would be so much better without them.” I broke down, saying this, unable to bear the thought of all the people with families, jobs, pets, lives that had been killed by the Volturi. At least we tried not to be monsters. They welcomed it. Edward nodded, and turned back to face the road. Alice, whom I had nearly forgotten was with us, stared out the back window with a look in her eyes I had seen multiple times. She had an idea; her thoughts were random, which made it hard to guess what it was, but the gears were turning in her head. “Bella, get me my phone,” she demanded. I handed it to her quickly, and she dialed before I could start to ask who she was calling. “Carlisle,” she started. “Carlisle, have everyone meet us in Edmonton. Everyone. Bring some extra clothes and necessities. We’re going to Volterra.”