Kristen Stewart: Why I Like Watching My Own Movies

Many actors say they don’t like watching their own movies and actually can’t stand seeing themselves on screen. That’s not the case with Kristen Stewart.

In a new Vulture interview published on Saturday, the actress explains why seeing her own films “completes” the movie-making process for her. “I’ve been wanting to make movies forever and I want to direct and write and keep acting forever, so it makes me better to watch the performance,” she says. “It’s enlightening, and not in a technical way.”

Stewart continues, “It’s not like I go, ‘Ooh, I saw my face do this and now I know how to cry onscreen.’ It’s more like, if you can correlate the experience of making the movie to the final product, it affects how you carry on from that point.”

“I want to lose myself in a role, I want to completely be drawn to things for natural reasons and not consider an audience, but at the same time, I really care that the movie is good,” she tells the outlet, adding, “I like the process of making a movie so much that to not finish it wouldn’t make sense.”

And in the case of Equals, which just hit theaters on Friday, the viewing was especially intimate. As Gossip Cop has reported, the film tells the story of two people who fall in love in a society where emotions are banned. Stewart reflects, “It’s weird, because since we play people who are very simplified and stripped down, we are very much ourselves in this movie. Without any social development or idiosyncrasies, the most boiled-down version of being alive is what we’re trying to do — and so, in watching it, I don’t feel like I’m watching someone else.”

In fact, Stewart found the film’s plot really relatable. “Whether you’re hiding something integral to yourself or something smaller, like a mood that you think is unacceptable, it’s a terrible feeling to not be seen. It’s the worst, actually,” she says. “To think how awful it is when you’re trying to show yourself to somebody and they don’t see it?”

The former child star goes on, “There’s really nothing worse than having to cover the most important, essential parts of yourself. It means you’re denying what it is to be you, and it’s the worst feeling, trust me. I’ve done it a lot. I have a job that doesn’t allow for moods — not in the acting part, but during the promotion part.”

Stewart doesn’t cite any specific examples, but notes how interviews can cause her to shut down. She explains, “If I have someone sitting in front of me who’s prodding into details that will make their websites really popular that night, I just don’t engage. And then they’ll criticize that and be like, ‘Oh, you’re so guarded. That must be sad, to live like that.'”

She adds, “And I’m like, ‘No, it’s just with you, actually. I have really good conversations with your coworkers. You’re bad at your job.'”