Happy New Year!!!

This year I decided to have several New Year’s resolutions to keep me busy all year round.
Here is my to-do list. I am going to…
1. Gain weight, at least 50 pounds or more
2. Stop exercising. Big waste of time
3. Read less. Makes you think too much
4. Get further in debt
5. Not swim with sharks
6. Associate with even worse business clients
7. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them
8. Wait around for opportunity
9. Focus on the faults of others
10. Mope about my faults
11. Watch more TV. I have been missing some really good stuff
12. Procrastinate more. Start tomorrow
13. Spend more time at work, surfing the Internet: Facebook, Match.com, LonelyHousewives.com, etc
14. Not jump off a cliff, just because everyone else already did
15. Not believe politicians
16. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice
17. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases
18. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously can drop 1,000 feet
19. Stay off the International Space Station
20. Not have eight children at once
21. Start being superstitious
22. Personal goal: bring back disco
23. Not bet against the New York Yankees
24. Buy a 1985 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system
25. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash
26. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words
27. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt
28. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace
29. Not eat cloned meat
30. Get more toys
31. Stop bringing lunch from home. I should eat out much more often
…and the last one…
32.Never make any New Year’s resolutions again!!!

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