“If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~Shel Silverstein

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

In elementary school we used to do dangerous things. You know, things that children aren't allowed to do today because they could "get hurt".

We used to actually do gymnastics in gym. There was a horse (not the animal kind, but the vaulting kind), there were uneven bars.

We had a section of p.e. each year where we shot bb guns at targets. Inside the building.

We played dodgeball.

We leg wrestled (which I owned like a BOSS until 6th grade when Josie McClellan grew 8 feet and my legs stopped growing...forever).

And we climbed ropes that were tied to the ceiling of our gym. I mean, "tied" might be the wrong word. They were secured in some fashion. There was a horn to honk at the top. And they were awesome. And I could climb those suckers. I ain't gonna lie.

Well, you just don't come upon ropes secured to the ceilings very much anymore. But we attended a party on Saturday night, a cookout if you will, that was in someones workshop. And low-and-behold, there was a rope. Well, I whispered to Heather "Um...I think we can climb that rope"...and then she got all excited bc one of her favorite past times is showing off...so I asked the rope owner for permission.

Permission granted.

Heather climbed the rope in a nano-second. The first time she used her feet. The second time, after being issued a challenge by the ropes owner, she climbed it with no feet...solely using her arms to pull herself up.

Impressive. Whatevs.

After Heather went up, several ladies tried to do the same. Not.So.Much

Well, I was wearing a skirt. But I wanted so badly to try.
See skirt below.

Me to Heather: Too bad I am wearing a skirt.
Heather to Me: Go for it.

Me to Me: It's Go Time.

So I go over. Take off the sandals. Take of the ring.

And slap your mama....I climbed that rope, screamed something at the top (probably LIKE A BOSS) and started to come back down.

Look. Coming back down a rope in a skirt is no fun people. Rope burn of the vagina is not a way to go out (so I got rope burn on my ankles).

I was so pumped that I was able to do it. I am sure the view of my thighs and cooter shadowy area was lovely, but I didnt care.

Afterwards Heather said "I should have taken pictures". To which I said "Yeah, I took pictures of YOU". To which SHE said "Well, I didnt think you would be able to do it"...

sccrrrrrreeeeach

Excuse me?

She said "Well the other girls couldnt do it".

TO WHICH I SAID "DO THEY WORKOUT 6 TIMES A WEEK?

I mean goooood lord? I would expect better from her.

But, I showed her. hahahahahahaha

I need a rope. I need a tall warehouse to hang the rope.
Make it happen Universe. I am going to just start asking the Universe for things. Like I just posted this status on Facebook:

I mean, all you can do is ask ya know? And if the universe says no...well I will just punch it in the ham wallet.

In other news, I am starting week 2 of: I just got a band!!! I am rocking some healthy choices, not going coo coo crazy with denying myself, and working out. In fact...I have gained 4 pounds since Saturday! How awesome is that...

yeah...

you read that right. I am up for pounds, which is beyond Richard Simmons ridiculous. I am not worrying too much yet (talk to me next Monday), as I am about 1 day away from starting my period and that is the only reason I can possibly fathom for such numerical nonsense.

I went to hot yoga again last night. I go every so often, but not often enough. Each time I do go however, I am reminded within 5 minutes of how FLIPPIN HARD IT IS! People who say yoga is "just stretching" ain't never done yoga mmmmmmkay?

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Just kidding. It's the same good old Tina that I have had for 3.5 years. I was just trying to pretend this week that my fill on Monday was my first fill ever...and trying to be a good bandster. I stuck to liquids the first day of the fill, liquids the next day until dinner. Then I served myself us the best crock-pot roast I have ever eaten, and served it on a little plate, not the usual dinner plate. I ate my protein first, then the carrots, and a nibble of the tater. I ended with a little piece of french baguette. No problems at all. That meal seemed to hold me until dinner. I didn't even want to have something sweet for dessert.

I have had no acid reflux.

I am still feeling physically hungry throughout the day though. I am starving in the morning while working out, and then hungry again before lunch (but have just been doing protein shakes for breakfast and one can't really expect those to hold you for 3 hours)....and really hungry before dinner. But Heather has been working later than normal, so we aren't eating until after 7...so that's almost 8 hours after my lunch. Can't blame the band for that!

So hopefully I am at a good place portion size wise. This week I have drank only water (and some milk)...no soda. No beer. I haven't indulged in Oreos. I am trying to take one day at a time. I am not going crazy depriving myself. I had to present for work yesterday at noon, and was offered free mexican buffet, but opted for some Greek yogurt from TCBY instead.

On a different note: Sometimes when I have to go the bathroom at work I forget I am at work and pull my pants down before I get into the stall. Granted, there is only me and one other female in this building, but a transient pee'er or pooper could walk in. On the opposite side, sometimes I forget to pull my pants up before I leave the stall. Oh well. We are one people.

I may have to delete my facebook account before I get angry and say mean things. It's getting cray cray on there with politics and gay chicken nuggets. I just don't know these days. I just don't know.

The weekend is upon us. Should be another busy one for the Gainey-Workman household. A play tomorrow night (Heather would never opt to attend a play except our coworkers child is in it), a possible party on Saturday night, and then Sunday...nothing! Whipppeee....except working out and hopefully the beach. Wanna come?

Monday, July 23, 2012

This morning I received the ever so gentle poke and fill from Dr. Friedman. He said nothing about my weight gain, asked me the normal questions on his checklist, and asked if I had noticed a difference in the way my clothes were fitting. I answered honestly to all questions, because lying to your doctor will get you nowhere.

I didn't demand a big fill. I didn't even ask how much he was putting in. I probed him (that sounded dirty) with questions about the sleeve, bypass, lapband, etc.

I was a good girl and followed the rules for liquids today. I had some soup for breakfast (after the fill), protein shake for lunch, yogurt for mid afternoon snack (mmmkay....not really a liquid), and soup for dinner with a few fritos tossed in.

I am sitting here in bed, getting ready for the real test.

I am hoping there is no acid reflux tonight, which would likely mean I am too restricted. We shall see.

I am feeling hopeful...as one often feels after a fill. I am going to set a goal tomorrow, just like the good old days. I am NOT tracking or recording my calories at this time. I didn't do it during my weight loss phase (very little) and am going to rely on actual hunger to tell me eat, try to make a majority of positive and healthy choices, stay away from candy and cookies on a more consistent basis, increase my water intake, decrease my soda and beer intake, and keep working out. That's my plan.

I will leave you with a few pictures from the weekend. My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, so we went up and surprised them by being there for their party.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I hate the thought of going in for a fill when I am up on the scale. BUT...I figured I can't be a hypocrite and tell ya'll to use your tool and don't be afraid of what your doctor will think if you havent lost...

and then be afraid of what my doctor will think because I have gained and am not using my tool.

And now, while the 10ish (fine...possibly 14ish) pounds I am up are not all due to the fact that my restriction is lacking...it has now gotten to the point that when I am sitting down to eat a meal, my portions are rather large. Much larger than what a bandster is supposed to eat with proper restriction...very much like a normal person. Heather and I can eat about the same portion size for meals (almost). And don't let that girl fool you, she can put away some food.

So I go to the doctors on Monday. It's been awhile since I have been able to put my arms around Dr. Friedman anyways...so it won't all be bad.

For my new bandsters, or my present bandsters, who may be asking...How do you know you need a fill? This is how I know.

1. My portion size at dinner has increased. I can eat firsts AND seconds. A normal meal may include pasta and veggies, and I am probably eating 2 cups or so of pasta and almost 2 cups of veggies.

2. Even with these increased portion sizes, I am physicallyhungry within approximately 2 hours. Even if that meal includes heavy protein.

3. I can eat a hamburger, bun and all (we are talking about a junior cheeseburger or the likes), in the car...in under 5 minutes.

4. I am physically hungry a lot!

I do not use how much I am snacking or how much I want to eat as a gauge. I think about eating all the time, that doesn't mean I am hungry. I snack whether I am hungry or not. My band doesn't really help me with that...and I try not to use "I hardly get stuck" as a gauge either...bc I could make myself get stuck in less than 60 seconds if I tried.

I am not asking or requesting a huge fill. I am going to let Dr. Friedman be the judge. The last 2 fills I have had, I ended up being too tight and had to go back in for an unfill (and to be fair, I begged for a big fill...). So I am just hoping that a minor fill will help with some of the battle.

After all, why have this surgery if you aren't going to try and use your band?

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Let me do a real, honest-to-goodness post. My fingertips have been hovering over my keyboard for a few minutes now, trying to either a) muster the courage to type or b) figure out how to word this blog post as not to seem like a shallow, hateful individual.

I know that I am not alone. I also know that many of you are better people than I could ever claim to be, and may never think what I think...

But sometimes when I see "one of us" who has gained their weight back...it makes me feel better about myself!

Isn't that terrible? And please know that I would not wish weight gain on any of "us" (now...there are some girls from high school that I see on Facebook who were biatches back in the 90's and now that they are much bigger than they were, and in some case, bigger than I am now...well...I can't really tell you that I don't giggle when that happens)...but I am talking about those of us who had the balls to blog about our weight loss journeys, regardless of if we had a surgery or not...that have gained their weight back.

It doesn't give me pleasure, or make me happy to see someone who I thought had "finally made it"...fall backwards, but it does make me say in my head "well at least I have more control than THAT person". Or "I would NEVER get fat again"...

It's not nice. But most of us are always comparing ourselves to others. I try to remember that...

With that said, those who have gained some, all, or any of their weight back and blog about it...are truly those who deserve a pat on their backs. It takes balls (or lady nuts) to say to the world (we are the world...we are the children....lalala) that things aren't all roses and gerber daisies.

And even though I like to think "I would never go back to 327"...I guess anything is possible. Because this is how it happens...you gain a few pounds this month. And you think "it's just 2 pounds"...but then you gain 2 pounds next month, and again you think "I'm only 4 pounds up from my lowest"...and then before you know it, it's one year later and you've gained 60 pounds. The weight doesn't come back overnight...just like you can't lose all the weight over night either (fuckshitballs). When we make exceptions, or when we give an inch (around our waist), it becomes a slippery slope.

But it is so much easier to get fat, stay fat, be fat...then it is to lose, maintain, or be healthy. I mean, it's not easier to walk, live, or be active when you are fat...but when you are shoveling everything in your mouth that you want, when you don't get up and workout, when you give up...damn...it's easier than battling this weight loss/food addiction every.damn.day.

Heather is always saying "You have to have a freakout weight".

definition: a weight at which you get scared to the point of reasoning, and you will diet your way back to your goal weight

I have been arguing this concept with her for well over a year. I have said "I don't want a freak out weight. I don't FREAK out".

Well, she may have been right. Because here is what happened to me. I think my lowest weight has been around 165. Maybe even 163...and that was right after I did Atkins for 2 weeks. Well, then I pretty quickly went right back up to around 171. And I was like "That's cool, I can hover around there, give or take".

And then I went up to 174...and again "That's cool, I can hover around there, give or take".

AND THEN (are you seeing a pattern), 174 became 178. And now, 178 is around 182.

And sha-bang-o. I am somehow up around 20 pounds from my lowest, 12 pounds from my goal weight!

And I know I have to do something. I know I have to make changes. But I DON'T WANNA! I want to eat junk food and drink soda and eat, and eat, and eat. I don't wanna think about my calories. I just want to be skinny and not have to sacrifice.

It's hard to get started. Some of you have been blogging about feeling like you have to start over...and it's daunting. I FEEL YOU. It sucks.

But I think for so many of us, like it or not, it's always going to be hard.

But again, kudos for those of you recommitting, reposting, sharing your actual weight. There are some people in the weight loss community (none of the people that I am thinking about our bloggers) who are liars.

They go around speaking and holding themselves up...telling their stories and pretending that they have shit under control.

Some of them are liars. I have ran into some of them at different functions, sneaking out of a hotel restaurant with a big old juicy hamburger in a to-go box, at 11:00 at night. And there is nothing wrong with that...except hours before being caught with said bovine, they were acting all high and mighty and actually speaking in disgust at those of us who had gone back for seconds at the provided evening meal.

Some of them HAVE lost a lot of weight. Some of them started near 500 pounds. But, if you are still hanging out in the upper 200's...and have been for several years...you still aren't perfect.

Honesty in this community is more important than being an artificial idol. And I know that those people putting up a false front get to look at themselves in the mirror, when no one else is looking...and it must be hard to know that they are frauds. And so the nice Amy wants to give them a hug and tell them "The truth will set you free"...but hostile Amy just usually wants to run over them with a big wheel.

Holy smoky ham balls, this post turned into something else didn't it?

Let's talk about something lighter.

Politics?

Abortion?

Juuuuust kidding. No talkie about any of that today.

Or ever.

So tomorrow, I reckon I might do yet another "Amy is back on the BANDwagon post"...

Hi friends! I am alive, kicking, and gaining weight! You read that right. Last week I ran over 15 miles (not ALL AT ONCE, but one run was 6 miles), and I gained several pounds. FAb. U. Lous.

Whatever. I am over it. Well, clearly I am not since I blogging about it. But such is life when you eat like a hungry hungry hippo. All I know, is I looked smokin hot yesterday in a new work top...and when I was approaching our front door and saw my reflection, I wanted to lick it. So clearly, I have gained muscle (this is my favorite thing to tell myself). Truth be told, it's shocking how badly I can eat sometimes. But I am sure I will get back on track.

Until then...
Life has been treating me well. Right after my last post about "your one wish" (which thank you for all your responses and thoughts), we spent a Saturday tubing with friends.

Here is little old me and the beautiful Sara doing some of our cheerleader moves.

And this is my favorite picture from the day. These people, who I am sure are probably not actually killers, kept passing us, then getting behind us, then passing us...and that is my "uh-oh...there are killers in a canoe face"..

That Saturday was the first time I had drank a drop of alcohol since the near death Memorial Day weekend. I only packed 3 of my beers so as not to get drunk...so smart I am. And there was not, nor will there ever be...EVERCLEAR involved!

The next week, my parents came to visit! And guess what we did? Went tubing again!﻿

Do not be surprised if, and when, any of y'all come to visit me if I don't say "hey, we should go tubing"! It's free, it involves water, and it usually involves jello shots...oh...and snacks. What more can you ask for?

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Welcome To Amyville

I am a chronic make-believer. I amuse myself. I break out in random song at least 6 times an hour. I am me. I was banded on 1/27/2009. I look better tan. I am a mermaid. I believe you should give more than you take, laugh more than you cry, and eat cheetos when the urge arises. I have always been a dreamer. Life is unpredictable and I realize everyday how lucky I am. I think you should walk with your head up, shoulders back, look people in the eye, smile, have a good handshake, and be honest. I love cold sheets, colder air conditioning, swimming, my family, my animals, and my friends.