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One Life to Live

May 07, 2013

Today started rough, y'all. As I'm sure many of you experienced, for some technical reason Hulu had not posted today's new One Life to Live by morning -- and it's become my getting-dressed routine! Add to that the fact that my television's HDMI ports have been on the fritz so I couldn't put anything on the TV and just had to get ready in silence like some CAVEPERSON! And then we won't even get into what happened at work today, but it might have had something to do with a pair of pants I had SPLITTING when I bent over to file something and might have resulted in my having to fashion a pashmina into some sort of skirt-esque thing for the subway ride home. It might have! BUT I'M NOT SAYING.

But I came home and I got industrious and I signed up for my free trial at Hulu Plus and I did some HDMI trouble-shooting and I hooked up my brand new darling Roku and I got to watch a new OLTL on actual television for the first time since January of 2012! So that calls for just a straight recap, doesn't it?

Here we go!

Poor Vimal. He's sad that Rama is going to work, where he's sure men constantly undress her with their eyes. Or not with their eyes.

And he can hardly blame them!

She reminds him what an open marriage is, which he doesn't much care to think about since he's clearly only doing this because he's a sad little fellow who will do anything instead of lose her.

And now we're at the Peach Pit After Dark. (Or "Shelter," or whatever.) There's a guest DJ and it's... Nervo? Something? I don't know. The more of these kinds of guests they have, the more confused I'm going to be, let's face it. There's some other guest star playing some sort of a drug dealer named Jamie (I understand there's a whole story behind this guy and James Franco and some movie and I can't really pretend any of it interests me). The point is that he needs his "moneys."

Cutter looks displeased with this whole thing. (Riff Raff, is that his name? Lord I feel a million years old right now.)

Bo and Nora are kickin' back with some red wine and it makes me want some. It makes them want each other.

Todd has a bit of the iced tea (I mean bourbon?) that Victor spiked with what I think was arsenic.

Credits!

Jack's shirt is never going to be okay, but Viki is just so lovely at the end each time.

I am super-dumb. I thought Hulu Plus didn't have commercials. It does. Just not as many, I guess?

Some sort of drug pusher is trying to get Dani to take... ecstasy? Is that it? She's trying to resist but is clearly tempted.

Nora is telling Bo about her days as a college radio DJ.

Back at the Peach Pit After Dark, Jamie has some of his hangers-on make out with each other a little. Both his facial hair and his head hair are frightening me, and I mostly can't understand what he's saying. He wildly resembles Gary Oldman's character from True Romance.

May 01, 2013

Y'all, I have in no way calmed down or adjusted to this little fantasy world we're now living in where we can wake up to new episodes of One Life to Live every day.

And it's just getting better, really. The first episode really had to cram everyone in, have an event as a set-piece, and give at least basic teasers for all the major plotlines. Since then, they've settled in a bit and we're delving a little deeper without having to spread everyone too thin. Tuesday's episode had the odd hiccup of Victor's big "back from the dead" return being pretty much the most anticlimactic entrance of a zombie anyone's ever seen -- most people just looked a little surprised or unnerved that he was in town but, you know, not enough to actually ask him why or how. I mean come on! They even ask for I.D. on Amtrak now!

But today, they awesomely finally let someone think it was a big freakin' deal. To be fair, the long-time residents of Llanview probably see about three or four people come back from the dead in a slow year, so it's really more like getting a surprise phone call. Dani, however, has only been in town a few years so it's a little more shocking (though of course the last guy she thought was her dad before she thought Victor was her dad was also presumed dead and then turned up out of nowhere still alive, and then turned up one more time way shorter and promptly got very dead again).

Téa was so excited for Dani to see that Victor's alive that it didn't occur to her to, say, check with a doctor or even just tell her hospitalized, recently-overdosed daughter that she about to get a visit from The Walking Dead, but that's so very Téa of her, isn't it?

Look, sweetie, A GHOST!

Dani's immediate reaction was not calm joy, which must have been confusing to her mother.

But she got over it pretty quickly and accepted his mortality, or immortality as the case may be. No questions asked, naturally!

Speaking of Dani's dads, her third one got the scenes I'd been dying for.

Todd and his big sister, together again! Erika Slezak and Roger Howarth have always just been dynamite in scenes together, and I love how Viki grounds him and tries to keep him in line and he just can't help but soften.

Love it! And they even got into their little newspaper-publishing competitive sibling rivalry. I think my favorite new thing about the reboot so far might be how it's positioned journalism as a central theme, and that had long been missing as a foundation of this show.

And Todd got to call Viki on her actual "bullshit!" And did I mention that yesterday Blair finally got to just tell it like it is and call Todd an "asshole" instead of the "YOU BASTARD" we've been hearing for decades? JOY. PURE JOY.

Todd filled Viki in on how he had a brief fling with a lady person back in Port Charles and pretended to be glad it's over since she was so high-maintenance (Carly is indeed that, my friend!), at which point Viki hilariously asked if he could say that about any woman after Blair. Yeah, Vikster, it was really Blair that was the high-maintenance one in that relationship! Love it. (Oh man, I'm really going to have to come up with variances on "love it," aren't I? IT'S JUST THAT I LOVE IT SO MUCH.)

April 29, 2013

Our afternoons have felt undeniably sadder ever since ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE aired their finales. There are still times that we'll look at the clock during the 1 and 2PM hours and sigh wistfully. "What sort of nefarious plots would David Hayward be hatching right now, with that smug smile of his?" We ask. “In what regal and well-intentioned manner would Dorian Lord screw up the lives of everyone she loves this week and, most importantly, which hat would she be wearing while doing it?” We wonder. Our lives were a little emptier without the Chandlers and the Hubbards and Ryan Lavery (just kidding--we wanted to inject a little levity here before the schmaltz police arrested us.) The days seemed a little longer and lonelier without the Buchanans and the Hubbards and Robert Ford (okay, kidding again on that last one).

But--and it's actually impossible for us to overstate our excitement about this. It's like our birthdays and a year's worth of holidays, plus our teams winning the Super Bowl and World Series all at once. And even that comparison is a little subdued compared to how we're actually feeling--we are finally going to be reunited with our friends in Llanview and Pine Valley, because All My Children and One Life to Live are officially returning to our lives on April 29th. Can we all join hands and squeal excitedly right now? Just think about some of the characters we'll get to see again!

Pine Valley was never quite the same after Adam Chandler left town, so when it was announced that David Canary would be returning to the role (roles? Dare we hope that we’ll see Stuart, too? Preferably a lot. We could all use some of his sweetness) that made him a daytime icon, we couldn’t contain our glee. He’s the PERFECT character to bring to the new AMC, because he has a special relationship (and usually a feud) with almost every character on All My Children . The Chandler family and their assorted loved ones all had, shall we say…complicated feelings towards him (“complicated” is an understatement, but “his entire family spends most of their time hating him and simultaneously striving for his approval” takes too long to type). He’s been married at some point to basically every woman in town, so romantic tension follows him wherever he goes. He’s made business enemies thanks to his cutthroat tactics and he’s made enemies of neighbors just for…well, just for existing. Is he still with Brooke (we hope so)? What's his relationship with JR like (probably frought with tension, considering that is their default state and there's, you know, the whole matter of JR shooting a gun during a crowded party. A parent would frown on that, we think)? Does David Hayward still have dramatic and strangely loud monologues about his evil plans and schemes for those who have wronged him? How many times has he been arrested since we last saw him? It's got to be at least a dozen. We're sure that Zach has spent his time offscreen doing all sorts of soapy and dramatic things that, yeah, sure, we can't wait to hear about--as soon as he tells us where Kendall is. Do Angie and Jesse still set the gold standard for most wonderful television couple? We have a feeling we know the answer to that question, but we can't wait to see it onscreen.

Todd Manning will be back among his fellow Llanview-ites and the anticipation level cannot be exaggerated. It’s not that we didn’t have any fun watching him over on General Hospital, but he is most fascinating opposite those with which he has decades of history. Sure, it’s fun to watch him snark on every stranger he sees in some other town, but after a while it started to feel like he wasn’t much more than just another law-evading criminal and jerk with an unusually good sense of humor. How much is everyone looking forward to Todd getting a classic berating-but-loving talking-to from his big sister Viki? Almost as psyched as we are to see Todd get in some time with his adorable little nephew and Spiderman-bonding buddy Sam. (Oh yeah, and there’s that small issue of Blair, the love of his life. Some of us are KIND OF INTO THAT.)

And look out, men of Llanview, because local trouble-making hot redhead Natalie Banks appears to be single again. Has motherhood tamed her? We’ve all seen those previews: doesn’t look like it, and for that we are supremely grateful. The ads are teasing a possible connection with Cutter, a union that definitely has potential. For those of us who loved her with Jared, it’s always great to see her with a bad boy (with a heart of gold!) who can fully appreciate both her good and her more mischievous side. We can’t wait to see if Clint and Viki tied the knot and how Bo and Nora are doing as grandparents and how one Téa Francesca Delgado is coping with her myriad of losses. Have Rama and Vimal managed to stick together, and what the heck happened to Dorian’s congressional career? (We bet her outfits were just too awesome for the Senate floor.) And what of David Vickers? Has he been able to match the cinematic success of Vickerman, The David Vickers Story or is he having a string of failures like The Boy with the Chipmunk Tattoo? We’re coming to all of these people with a huge new appreciation: we get spoiled by seeing our soaps every day for decades on end and we kick and scream when our characters aren’t doing exactly what we want them to be doing. But now we’ve learned what life is like without them and we’re ready to welcome them back with open arms, even when they’re picking the wrong mate or taking the worst side in a battle or acting wildly out of character. (And we’ll totally keep that attitude for at least a week. Probably.)

AMC and OLTL will be airing half-hour long episodes every weekday and thanks to Hulu, you can watch on your computer screen (and then immediately run over to Serial Drama to leave exclamation filled comments to convey your excitement. We're still not overstating our happiness) two ways: Hulu.com and Hulu Plus. Hulu.com is completely free and allows you to watch the latest episode right from your computer screen. Hulu Plus is a subscription service: for $7.99 a month, you get to watch ALL episodes through mobile devices and have access to the Hulu library (want to try it for a week? Click here!)

To continue the theme of Things That Are Exciting and Awesome, we also want to announce a sweepstakes! One lucky Serial Drama winner will win a yearlong subscription to Hulu Plus and a chance to win the Grand Prize, a Roku. All you have to do is show your soap love: tell us which Pine Valley or Llanview character you're most excited to see!

**Sweepstakes Rules:No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: a. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this postb:Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: "#SweepstakesEntry"; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this postc: Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this postd: For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 4/29/2013-5/26/2013

Be sure to visit the sponsor's brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers reviews and find more chances to win!

Okay, this is just surreal. It might be the ridiculous amounts of coffee, but my hands are a little shaky as I sit down to type this out and I actually clicked on the "One Life to Live" category for this post and it wasn't about anticipation and it wasn't about OLTL characters on another show, but about today's new episode.

Today's new episode!

There's so much to say and it's nearly impossible not just to offer up a blow-by-blow account with lots of squealing and every single frame screencapped, but that would be silly so let's just dive into a few major points. Like this one: speaking of blow-by-blow, here's my favorite "no more network censors!" moment....

Love it. Love it!

And another thing I'm super-psyched about right off the bat? Somebody's finally realized that Melissa Archer is insanely hot and dressing her like it. Those of you who were with me here for the last couple years of the ABC version of the show might recall how annoyed I'd get when they mysteriously made her frumpy so often when the woman is just lightning hot. Someone realized!

And oh yeah, I'm pretty much already a hardcore Natalie/Cutter 'shipper. That was fast!

April 28, 2013

Oh wait, I shouldn't watch. Here's a poll that I developed after combing the internet and finding the most popular reasons that people are not going to watch the revived All My Children and One Life to Live and I think you'll all agree that this is how we should live and think and we should totally not watch. Vote now on why you absolutely will not watch! Check your pick!

_ I refuse to pay to watch soaps, even though you absolutely can watch them for free.

_ I watched a 118-second promo video and I can already tell that THEY HATE THE FANS AND DON'T CARE ABOUT THE VETS!

_ I base all my viewing decisions on routine entertainment litigation and obviously Prospect Park is a super-evil production company and the first to ever sue a television network and therefore it is my moral obligation to refuse to watch a show that, actually, earns ABC money if I watch it.

_ Prospect Park told us we'd keep AMC and OLTL online and it would happen in January of 2012 and it didn't happen because they couldn't put the money together and that is just wrong and they are mean and cannot be trusted so I will not watch the shows that they literally brought back from the dead later than they had hoped.

_ Serial drama is just dead, forget it. The proof is in the pudding, which is something like 400 serial dramas currently on TV.

_ There are only four episodes a week. SACRILEGE. I'd rather have no soaps than a 20% reduction in story content!

_ I am sub-human and I do not like David Canary or Erika Slezak because, really, who would?

_ I do not have the internet, despite the fact that I am currently on the internet reading this dumb poll.

_ My favorite couple is not together, so obviously everyone hates me AND WANTS TO RUIN THE GENRE.

April 23, 2013

When it comes to soap amnesia, those who are perfectly aware of the amnesiac situation must never give advance notice to any loved ones or acquaintances in advance of the first meeting. No warning to the extended family, no heads-up to friends. Shit, y'all. The Spencer/Falconeri gang seemed to have even made an appointment with Patrick for Lulu without having even mentioned that the most acute need for this particular exam was that she's FORGOTTEN HER WHOLE LIFE. Why would her doctor need to know? He'll find out when she shrieks that she doesn't know him!

Oh and another thing that happens with soap amnesia: they only forget their personal lives. They remember their command of the English language, they remember what year it is and who the President is. Nobody ever asks them if they remember learning to read and write, or if they remember whether or not they voted for this particular president, or how they even know that they can legally walk into a bar and order a drink. And they never want doctors to help them actually get their memory back, they just want to be LEFT ALONE! (Does Lulu even have a wallet? Somehow I feel like Stavros didn't hang on to it as a favor to her while he'd put her on ice.)

And poor Dante has lost his "Most Perfect Husband Ever" title because he is acting just as every soap mate behaves when their significant other turns up all amnesiac. That is to say, he is all up her grill constantly and isn't the least bit interested in what her doctor has to say or suggest.

He's exhibiting zero patience and, rather than focusing entirely on the fact that she is MIRACULOUSLY ALIVE and trying to make sure she has the space and comfort necessary so that she can stop feeling so terrified and start getting her footing again, he's preoccupied entirely with making sure she remembers him THIS VERY SECOND. (This reminds me an awful lot of Teen Jessica's amnesia over on OLTL, in which usually-perfect Brody spent every waking second trying to get her to fall in love with him rather than just trying to be grateful that her stepfather Charlie didn't actually kill her when he accidentally shot her and maybe not trying to force a boyfriend on a crazy girl who just got almost-raped by her then-bio-dad and maybe give her a little time and support and.... oh lord, do I go on. Y'all, One Life to Live is currently premiering a brand new episode downtown RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND so I'm a little distracted and possibly unwell. Emotionally. So you can see why this is the perfect blog theme!)

March 20, 2013

Let's face it, we've all been there. We're just liars if we say we haven't.

I mean who hasn't found out that a convicted gang rapist was spying on us through a camera hidden in our toddler daughter's toy and then just finally found ourselves completely and utterly unable to resist his advances?

No one, that's who. It's happened to all of us. Three times this week for me so far.

But alas, because Carly is so emotionally mature, she cut it off before it went too far. She regrets nothing, but is wise enough to understand that she and Todd are both just terrified of love, despite the fact that the two of them combined have been madly in forever-love with a combined total of at least five people in the last two years.

Again, this is emotional wisdom and has nothing to do with a bunch of intellectual property issues still being sorted out behind the scenes, nor does it have to do with Roger Howarth being on contract for the first six weeks of the re-launch of that show that created this here Todd Manning character. (Where perhaps big sis Viki will make him start being less douchey or... something?)

We're all worried, right? Oh, stop. There's no way these two won't come back together! How could they not, when they are the greatest love to ever love and the most unique relationship in history and the most passion either has ever known?

February 18, 2013

So the pre-nominations for this year's Daytime Emmy Awards come out a week from Wednesday (February 27th), so shall we take a look at the... pre-pre-nominations, just for funsies? Here's what we know about the four major acting categories:

Lead Actress

Heather Tom (Katie Logan, The Bold & The Beautiful) Deidre Hall (Marlena Evans, Days of Our Lives) Peggy McKay (Caroline Brady, Days of Our Lives) Finola Hughes (Anna Devane, General Hospital) Kelly Monaco (Samantha McCall, General Hospital) Kelly Sullivan (Kate Howard/Connie Falconeri, General Hospital) Laura Wright (Carly Jacks, General Hospital) Kassie DePaiva (Blair Cramer, One Life to Live) Sharon Case (Sharon Newman, The Young and the Restless) Jeanne Cooper (Katherine Chancellor, The Young and the Restless) Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki Newman, The Young and the Restless) Michelle Stafford (Phyllis Summers, The Young and the Restless)

Lead Actor

Don Diamont (Bill Spencer,The Bold & The Beautiful) John McCook (Eric Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) Ronn Moss (Ridge Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) Galen Gering (Rafe Hernandez, Days of Our Lives) Joseph Mascolo (Stefano DiMera, Days of Our Lives) Maurice Benard (Sonny Corinthos, General Hospital) Jason Thompson (Patrick Drake, General Hospital) Roger Howarth (Todd Manning, One Life to Live) Peter Bergman (Jack Abbott, The Young and the Restless) Christian LeBlanc (Michael Baldwin, The Young and the Restless) Michael Muhney (Adam Newman, The Young and the Restless)

Scott Clifton (Liam Spencer, The Bold & The Beautiful) Jacob Young (Rick Forrester, The Bold & The Beautiful) Blake Berris (Nick Fallon,Days of Our Lives) Shawn Christian (Daniel Jonas, Days of Our Lives) Brian Datillo (Lucas Roberts, Days of Our Lives) James Reynolds (Abe Carver, Days of Our Lives) Greg Vaughan (Eric Brady, Days of Our Lives) Bradford Anderson (Damian Spinelli, General Hospital) Brandon Barash (Johnny Zacharra, General Hospital) Sean Kanan (A.J. Quartermaine, General Hospital) Eric Valdez (Trey Mitchell, General Hospital) John J. York (Mac Scorpio, General Hospital) Dominic Zamprogna (Dante Falconeri, General Hospital) Robert Adamson (Noah Newman, The Young and the Restless) Jeff Branson (Ronan Malloy, The Young and the Restless) Billy Miller (Billy Abbott, The Young and the Restless) Peter Porte (Ricky Williams, The Young and the Restless) Greg Rikaart (Kevin Fisher, The Young and the Restless)

And there we have it. What does everyone think? Before anyone panics with furious "so-and-so was robbed!" or "so-and-so is terrible, how dare they get a nomination?!" comments, the above is just a list of who submitted. If somebody is not on this list, it's not because someone else snubbed them. And if somebody god-awful is on this list (and you know they are!), it's not because someone else decided they were incredibly talented.

I haven't been able to dig up all the info on what scenes each actor submitted, but Michael Fairman did post some of them on his website for Supporting Actor and for Lead Actress. Fill us in if you've got the dirt on any of the other submission scenes!

February 15, 2013

Wow. I've always known I was pretty jealous of Carly and in general anyone like her who is so into their own awesomeness and point-of-view that dumb little things like paying attention to things that other people say or do, or basic human empathy, or brutally honest personal feedback, etc., do not in any way pierce the self-involved un-self-aware bubble that they live in. Wouldn't that be an easier way to live? To just always think your perspective is the right one and that you are wonderful and never, ever be able to experience anything that contradicts that because you are simply not listening?

Yesterday's discussion with Starr really brought Carly to new levels of tone-deaf and self-absorbed and hilarious. Shall we re-visit? (And much of this is actually what was said, and I think you'll agree that with the rest I've at least captured the essence of what was said.) When Starr asked if Carly gave any serious consideration to Todd's "let's run away together" option...

Carly: Do I wish I would have uprooted my life to run away with your father? To never see or talk to Michael or Morgan again? For them to never see their little sister? To throw my business into complete chaos, to duck and cover and in and out from dirty old motel rooms for the rest of my life? Ha!

[Hahahahaha, so true, Carly! Abandoning your two sons and forcing your toddler daughter to live life on the run before her life has even begun all for a guy you boinked one time is HILARIOUS!! I can see how it was tempting! --Ed]

Starr: You really gave that a lot of thought.

Carly: Oh, yeah, I pondered. I have. I never really considered it. I mean, as much as I care about your dad, and I really care about your dad, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Starr: You did the only reasonable thing that you could do, but a lot of people do unreasonable things for the right reason.

Carly: Oh, not me! I don't know if you know this or talked to people, but I never do unreasonable things.

Starr: (laughing) I don't blame you for walking away. My mom had to do the same thing. She couldn't deal with all the things that my dad had done.

Carly: It's different with me, though. Todd's no angel, but neither am I.