Editor's note: This is part one of a two-part article about spousal abuse. Part two of the article will list the resources available to victims of domestic violence in Siskiyou County, and it will appear in the Monday edition of the Daily News.

SISKIYOU COUNTY – October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and those who make it their mission to help survivors of violence in the home are asking the community to recognize the importance of breaking the cycle.

"Domestic violence is an overwhelming problem everywhere and it is impossible to know the number of cases that go unreported," said Siskiyou County District Attorney Kirk Andrus. "From a legal standpoint we are happy that our society is becoming enlightened in terms of how domestic violence affects families both mentally and physically."

However, despite the research that has surfaced over the past decade regarding the effects of spousal abuse, Siskiyou Domestic Violence & Crisis Center (SDV&CC) Deputy Director Carla Charraga stated that there continues to be a lot of myths about this epidemic.

Local officials listed some of the common myths about domestic violence. They are as follows:

"This is not the case," Charraga stated. She explained that domestic violence affects women of all cultures, education levels and socioeconomic status. Eighty-five percent of victims are women but men can also be victims.

Myth #2: Domestic violence is an anger issue, or the result of alcohol or drug abuse.

Andrus commented that it is common for domestic violence to occur while the abuser is under the influence of a controlled substance, but he clarified that alcohol is not the cause of domestic violence.

"Alcohol is not going to put a thought in somebody's head that was not there already," he explained.

Charraga said, "Domestic violence is not an anger issue. It is a power and control issue. It is definitely a pattern of behavior that repeats itself."

The cycle has three stages, she said. Stage one is the "tension building stage" during which the victim feels that he/she is "walking on eggshells." The batterer will act moody, easily agitated, and unpredictable. During stage two, the batterer will "erupt" and perpetrate intense physical or emotional abuse. Stage three is known as the "honeymoon phase," during which the batterer apologizes, gives flowers and says he/she will never do it again. Then, the cycle begins all over again.

"Unfortunately, each time the cycle repeats itself, it usually escalates and may even end in homicide," said Charraga.

Myth #3: Couples counseling helps to stop domestic violence.

According to Charraga, couples counseling for those in domestic violence relationships is not recommended.

Page 2 of 3 - "This puts the victim in more danger," said Charraga.

Due to the power and control dynamic in the relationship, if the victim discloses the abusive circumstances in the home, she will likely suffer the consequences at home, Charraga said.

Charraga recommends for couples in violent relationships to seek individual counseling and for the victim to attend the SDV&CC's domestic violence support group.

"After all, it is the batterer's problem ­­– he is breaking the law. No matter what the victim does or what stresses are challenging the family, no one should be allowed to hurt another person. There is no excuse for domestic violence. Instead of asking, 'Why does she/he stay?' We should ask, 'why does he/she batter?'"

Myth #4: Spousal abuse does not hurt children.

"Domestic violence is learned behavior," Charraga asserted.

Victims of domestic violence are much more likely to have been raised in a violent household, she said.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), boys who witness spousal abuse are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

"Being exposed to violence as a child is an overwhelming indicator of future criminality," said Andrus. "As a society we must break this cycle of intergenerational violence. It is unfair to psychologically damage another generation of children who may submit to violence simply because that is what they learned at home."

Andrus said that 60 to 70 percent of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.

He commented that whether or not a child is physically injured by the batterer, "Committing violence in front of children is abuse."

In addition, Charraga noted that batterers will use the children to abuse the victim – often by threatening to take the children away, attempting to turn the children against the victim, or using visitation rights with the children as an opportunity to continue the psychological abuse of the victim.

Myth #5: Spousal battery does not affect society.

According to Andrus, domestic violence makes up a substantial portion of the homicides in Siskiyou County, and he estimates that 20 to 25 percent of recent homicides in the county were the end result of domestic violence.

Nationwide, the cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services, according to statistics compiled by the NCADV.

In addition, NCADV asserts that victims of intimate partner violence lose almost 8 million days of paid work annually because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends, and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence.

Page 3 of 3 - Red Flags

Charraga recommends that people look for red flags when considering entering a relationship.

"A batterer is very charming and manipulative in the beginning," said Charraga. "He appears to be the perfect, ideal man – a 'prince charming' who says all the right things. If he seems too good to be true, then be careful."

She explained that jealousy and possessiveness are typically the first problems to surface in the relationship.

"The batterer will want to know where you are going, what you are doing and what you are wearing," she said.

Then, the batterer will try to isolate the victim from friends and family – the victim's support network. He or she will try to pick fights with the victim's loved ones and alienate the victim from them.

"By the time the abuse begins to happen, the victim has lost a lot of his or her natural support," said Charraga.

How can friends help?

Charraga offered some advise to those who know somebody that is in a violent relationship.

She stated that the most important thing to remember is to avoid making judgmental statements and refrain from beginning a sentence with the words, "You should."

She said to tell the victim, "I am concerned for you," "I am worried about you," or "I am here for you." She stated that telling the victim, "You deserve better than this" can be a very comforting statement.

Next, she said that a friend or family member should tell the victim to call or visit the Siskiyou Domestic Violence and Crisis Center, located at 118 Ranch Lane in Yreka. Those who need to speak to a counselor do not need to make an appointment.

The organization has a 24-hour confidential crisis hotline. The crisis hotline number is (877)842-4068.

To read more about the resources available to survivors of domestic violence in Siskiyou County, look for part two of this article in the Monday edition of the Daily News.