Neighbors
Talk to me about neighbors who don't act all that neighborly. Got any stories about great neighbors? Tell me those, too.

One way to be a good neighbor: You know those young parents without a lot of money who never get out? Offer to babysit their kids for an evening so they can. Of course, this is easier and a lot less saintly if they're also good parents. (I just made this offer to my neighbors, who are.)

Comments

My neighbors are chain smokers who smoked in their garage. I live in a condo complex and my unit is above all the garages.

You can see where this is going.

My spare bedroom reeked so bad from their smoke seeping through from below that I had to go and spend $150 on a HEPA filter.

Now, they've replaced their garage door and have started smoking on the front porch, which is on the same side as my kitchen window.

Yeah, that helped a LOT.

The irony here is that they have twin boys, and they don't want to smoke in the house and "expose their kids to it".

Apparently, however, it's okay to kill the rest of the neighborhood. *eyeroll*

Oh, and asshats? If it's in MY house, it's in YOUR house. You ARE exposing your kids to it.

The problem with cigarettes is they don't kill people fast enough, and I say that as a former smoker.

Posted by: Ann
at September 1, 2010 9:37 PM

One neighbor who lives along our usual dog-walking route has decided that his pit bull should be free range. The dog usually sits on the front porch, alternatively begging to be let in or charging anyone who walks by. Last night we witnessed this charming man standing on his porch and whistling, then the dog came running from several streets away, scaring the literal poop out of my dogs. Calls to animal control has done nothing. In a polite society, we would be able to have a discussion with our neighbors about this problem. Experience in this ill-mannered hell hole (Tucson, AZ) has made it clear I would get nothing but angry, self-centered bluster, possibly threats, and maybe retaliation. I'm a long way from my Midwest roots here.

Posted by: Josh
at September 3, 2010 5:23 PM

Josh, dont tell animal contol its your neibors dog. Tell them its a stray currently in his yard that had attemped to attck your dog.

Anmial control wont do anthing about pets until you have a doctor call in an animal bite on a human

Posted by: lujlp
at September 7, 2010 12:44 AM

My neighbour on the east (EN)and I don't get along. He's retired and literally has nothing better to do than putter in his yard all day. I have seven jobs, three kids, and a mortgage, and it's an impressive feat of scheduling just to mow the grass.

As you can guess, he's fairly derisive of the way I keep my yard. He's made this abundantly clear in the past by tearing boards off my fence and leaving them in the middle of my driveway with the nails sticking up.

He's called city inspectors on me in the past (who don't like to deal with him) and even threatened to "kick my ass" because of the way a drain pipe was pointing. The city inspectors and I have long since squared everything away, but the EN won't let go: he seems to think he owns my paved driveway.

Maybe he's jealous because he doesn't actually have one of his own. He's got a cement pad where his garage used to be, on the other side of his yard, but his tenants park there. The rest of his "driveway" is spread with gravel, and when he comes up the alley from the west, he veers onto the end of my driveway to settle his enormous truck on the gravel in his back yard.

In summer and fall, frankly, I don't care; there's no tire tracks and no visible damage. Winter and spring, however, are completely different as it seems he is at pains to pack down all the snow at the end of my driveway with his truck immediately after each snowfall.

I've asked him repeatedly over the last twelve years not to do this, and I wouldn't even care if he just waited until I had a chance to shovel, but no. He packs the snow every chance he gets and I get more and more infuriated as I scrape it down to the cement each time.

Last winter, I'd had enough. We had a chinook (warm spell) and I packed the resulting slush into a three-foot high fence between our two yards on the edge of my driveway, knowing full well that it was about to freeze solid the next day. "Let him drive his precious truck through a wall of ice and see how he likes that!" I thought.

I came home later that day to find that he had knocked the slush wall down into the middle of my driveway. Remember, it was already on my property to begin with, and he had no business touching it. That's trespassing, but he'd previously demonstrated that he had no compunctions about that. "Fine," I thought, and I rebuilt the slush wall with CEMENT BLOCKS.

"I see you!" he shouted from a window at the back of his house. "Don't you put that cement in there!"

"It's on my property and I'll do as I like," I responded.

He then threatened to kick my ass (again) and swore repeatedly while calling me names. I was stunned; this was a retiree, mouthing off like a schoolyard bully through his rear window. The image of a yappy little dog came to mind, and I simply refused to engage him. I called the cops instead, and they explained to him that threatening people with physical harm is illegal where we live, and that they had advised me to press charges if he threatened me again.

He hasn't said two words to me since.

We'll see what happens this winter.

Posted by: Tim Webster
at September 8, 2010 6:20 PM

When we moved into our house, we knew the yard needed a lot of work. There was a low spot in the middle that obviously got pretty soggy, because the previous owners had just filed it in with mulch. We decided to rake up all the mulch and fill in the low area so we could use more of the yard. As we were doing this, we started to notice that our yard stayed wet for over a week after it rained. Then we noticed that it would dry out the day after, but become flooded again the day after that. THEN, we started noticing a white foam in the runoff water. THEN came the realization that there was an oil slick under the foam. The water smelled like sewage, too. We finally realized that this was all coming from our neighbor’s yard. I peeked over and could see the water bubbling up from under the tree in the corner of their yard and right into ours.

I am the least confrontational person I know, so it took a lot for me to go over and say something. We hadn't met these neighbors yet, so when I saw an older woman in the driveway, I smiled, said hello and asked if she lived there. She replied that her daughter does. "Okay," I said "is she here?" The woman replies: "Yeah, what do you want?" I thought that was a little rude. I had obviously just walked over from the next house. How about at least trying to be nice to your kid's neighbor? I told her I wanted to ask about the water problem in our back yard. She rolled her eyes and said she'd go see if her daughter was available, but she's "very busy with the baby". The daughter came out and I told her what was going on. She walked into the back of her yard and said "Hmm, it doesn't smell over here..." No, of course it wouldn't, the water was all pooling in MY yard! Still, she said her husband, who is a plumber, would look at the old seepage pit that the sump pump drains into. Weeks went by and nothing was done. The problem was getting worse. Finally, we went to the town with a bottle of the nasty water. They went to the neighbor's house and found that not only was their sump pump running into an old seepage pit, but they had their WASHER running into a sink that also drained into it. Yep, our dog was running around in the grey water from their stinky ass clothes. This explained the foam and much of the smell. It also explains why al of my vegetable plants were dying. So, the wife was outside screaming about how she has two kids and the washer had been like that since they moved in and begging the town not to put a boot on their washer. They gave them a week to fix it. Again, I remind you that the husband is a PLUMBER! How could he have seen that and think it was kosher? I guess they fixed the problem, because the town gave them the okay to wash clothes again. However, we stil had a water problem (which we were told we could do nothing about). It wasn't as bad, but we still have to deal with their sump pump water after a big rain. Also, there were still oil slicks in our yard...and my veggies were stil dying. I was getting ready to go to the town again when I came home from work to see them replacing their oil tank. Seems it had been leaking for a while.

So these people now know that they were pumping contaminated water AND oil into our yard and we have yet to see any kind of apology or attempt to maybe re-direct the sump pump water. Thank god they are trying to sell their house.

P.S. We had already been dealing with their trash blowing all over our yard because they refused to but covers on their bins for months. They're just "those" kind of people.

Posted by: Kimmy
at September 8, 2010 7:56 PM

My neighbors don't seem to know where their property ends and mine begins. They like to mow a strip about 5 feet wide over onto my property. Of course they mow the grass really short and the grass is dying. You would think that it would be obvious that the fence line is where their yard ends. They also like to just drive their cars right throw my front yard and when they have parties, they always end up running over into my yard.

I especially like that they do not contract for trash pick up so there is trash piled up in their carport and it accumulates for months. This has attracted rats into the area. I remember one evening looking out the window to see about 5 rats running around the front of their house.

Posted by: Joyce T
at October 13, 2010 11:13 PM

i am currently trying (again) to get grass to grow in my backyard, which is shaded by 2 full grown trees....sigh....anyway. clearly, i cannot take my dog into the backyard to pee now. so,i take her out the front. (btw i do pick up after her) and ok, so i'm a little bit lazy and sometimes i put her on a leash, and sometimes i don't, and no, if she runs out in the road and you hit her, i will not sue you. it is not your fault. i am the idiot letting my dog run free. anyway. so i'm out with my dog, and this lady comes out on her porch and says, hey, is that your dog? i say yes. she proceeds to start screaming at me to get my damn dog off her lawn, she just spent over $300 to have it re-sodded, and if she ever catches my dog off-leash again she's calling the humane society. i call my dog, she doesn't immediately come, since she is more concerned with the lady who is a possible threat to me. she thinks, anyway. lady stomps her foot, yells get your dog off my yard! mind you, an entire second has passed between the first request and this one. and my dog is currently actually on her neighbors yard, not hers. my dog comes. and i'm thinking 2 things. a) if you spent $300+ to have this re-sodded, you got ripped off, the space is smaller than my closet. and b) ok, you have the right to request my dog gets off your lawn, and you're right. i shouldn't have her off leash, but if you're going to call someone, it's the police. and c) this conversation could have gone so much differently. she could have said, hey, if you don't mind, can you keep your dog off it? i would have said sure! sorry for the inconvenience! and actually felt bad. and we could have stayed good neighbors. now i think you're a fucking cunt.

Posted by: me
at June 16, 2011 11:37 AM

if she runs out in the road and you hit her, i will not sue you. it is not your fault.

If I hit her, I will be traumatized and she would be hurt, suffering, and/or dead. It's not just about whose fault it would be. My boyfriend nearly hit a chihuahua off leash that ran in front of our car. He's a careful driver and stopped in time. He'd probably never get over it if he hit a little dog, and he's a big, tough guy.

Also, it damages people's cars when they hit creatures. A friend hit a possum and it caused him a lot of front end damage. Your dog belongs on a leash, not on the lawn of the lady next door.

I moved into a very dog-friendly appartment complex. The appartments are arranged around a grassy courtyard with a bag-dispenser for cleaning up messes. When we moved in, it was clean, but over time, it just became nastier and nastier with dog mess. At a certain point, the place was so gross that cleaning up after one's dog must have seemed futile, because everyone stopped doing it. I could no longer walk the five yards to the picnic table without stepping in something! Dispite complaints, management did nothing. Finally, one of my neighbors flipped out about it. Some woman was out there letting her two terriers and their bowels run free, when a man on the balcony started screaming at her "THAT AREA IS FOR EVERYONE!" His girlfriend came out to back him up, and then people from other balconies joined in in the shame-fest. I felt really bad for her! That day,she went back inside with her tail between her legs, but she and the other dog owners continued to treat the common area like, well, crap. As for me, I'm never renting from that company again...

Posted by: dogloverwithlimits
at January 14, 2012 9:04 PM

Generally speaking, I have great neighbors. However, I'm starting to have a bit of a problem with one. Actually, it's the "Grandma" who lives there part-time now. We're in towhomes, so the front lawns are tiny. We'd been getting on just fine for a few years, but she's really starting to rub me the wrong way now.

I had some guys do some work on my tree (just have one). It had some root problems. She sees them and wants them to trim a couple branches she doesn't like. So, I kinda beg the guy to cut the two branches that bother her. I'm thinking, hey it's kinda silly, but it's the nice thing to do. Since then, she complains about the tree almost every time she sees me. First its flowers were too messy, then it's "the fall leaves will be worse," now there's more branches she wants to be cut.

If I'd gotten a thanks for the branches I had cut for her, I probably wouldn't mind. Of course, my tiny 20' tree isn't making half the mess the 50+ foot maples (other yards and common areas) make, but apparently only my tree is evil. I had actually been sweeping the sidewalk in front of her house, but she complained so much I decided it wasn't worth the time and effort.

Also, although I think she's just bored and lonely, every time I go out to garden, she comes out to talk. I wouldn't mind except that I have 2 kids and usually only 10-15 minutes to do my yard work. Her conversations are all, "let me show you this," and "what is that plant." She wants a personal garden-helper, but I can't walk around and give a lecture while schlepping mulch.

I try to be patient, but now that my son comes out to "help" me, I'm just getting annoyed. She talks over him and interrupts him like he's not there. Often I end up in between them with them both talking (he would start asking something and she would then start talking to me over him).

I try to garden when her car isn't there now.

Posted by: Shannon M. Howell
at June 5, 2012 9:32 PM

I just moved (about a month ago) into a lovely apartment with lots of great, peaceful, cordial neighbors from many walks of life. Then there are the downstairs neighbors. I really have no idea what the story is- as in, which of the maybe 20 people who always come and go actually live there. I have bumped into only one guy directly- a few times- and make small talk, but the vibe is creepy. I have the distinct impression, from the noise and drama that is constantly filtering in through the windows to disturb my reality, that everyone there is constantly drunk and that other drugs are circulating too. This would be somewhat okay in college housing, but these people range in age from 50s down to babyhood and it is clearly not a healthy family situation. There are many one-liners that are perfectly audible and would be funny if they were fiction- instead, I am constantly gagging on the yuck of it. Men refer to women as "bitches" and both men and women seem to be acting like bitches consistently. There is not a word that passes anyone lips that is not screeched or bellowed (depending on the sex of the issuer- except for the many children, who have that sad way of acting more adult than the adults). People come knocking loudly and screeching at the windows in the middle of the night in the midst of some tizzy. It gets louder as the night wears on.. They gun their vehicles in the parking lot in the night; They smoke below our windows; I worry for their kids; I lose sleep- earplugs are a help but don't work for my earache-prone child or for daytime. Basically, these neighbors are a gross cesspool of nasty, violent energy and I am really not feeling like risking retaliation by showing how much of a problem it is for me-- directly or indirectly. I am the new person in the apartment complex, after all. Plus, my place is the most directly exposed to their noise and smoke, by far. So, it is kind of obvious that indirect complaints would be coming from me.
I fantasize about being passive-agressive: blasting music at 6 AM, and dropping things off my balcony into their space. Really, this is not my style. I tend to be direct and constructive. But, there is a whole huge crew of personality-anihilated drunk people who have demonstrated they are uninterested in being self aware or considerate. What to do? Oh, What to do?

Posted by: nightmares downstairs
at February 3, 2013 8:03 AM

This is too big a problem to change. You need to move. It's not worth the cost of fighting this -- you can't change 20 people who come and go. I use Bose® QuietComfort® 15 Acoustic Noise Cancelling® Headphones -- $299 and beyond worth every penny -- to shut out noise during the day and when I sleep at night. I sleep on my pillow with a u-shaped travel pillow on top. These don't require you to listen to music -- the technology (described at Amazon) plays the noise back on itself and while it won't shut out voices well, it shuts out jackhammers to a great degree and all sorts of low noises like trucks going by, etc.

You CAN anonymously call the police. You can also get together with your decent neighbors and approach the apartment manager together. You have a right to feel safe.

Posted by: Ronda Kirk
at May 10, 2013 9:20 PM

I used to live in a large apartment complex. The lady who lived in the building behind me, had a 5 year old kid, who was let loose without supervision. I like to garden, and this kid would come into my yard, get into my flower bed that was around a tree, and trample all my tiger lillies. He pulled up border fences aroud my other flower gardens, too. He also loved to use a stick to whack my rosebushes to shame. Even left toys in my yard. I yelled at him to get out of my gardens. The mother had an agenda after me ever since. So one hot summer evening she proceeded to yell at me, telling me that she didn't want me to tell her kid not to play in the area where my tiger lillies were! She said that was a common area, not "mine". I informed her that I would speak to the apartment manager about that, which I did. The manager sided with me. The woman needed to teach her kid respect: don't go trampling in people's flower gardens. This bad neighbor was a very noisy person, yelling at/for her kids, frequently, at all hours. I had her written up for that, too. She also let her cat pee/poop in my flowerbeds. The dysfunctional neighbor from hell.

Posted by: Ronda Kirk
at May 10, 2013 9:30 PM

My last apartment is where we had people from other apartment complexes come into the area and had their swim parties and picnics late at night and I had to contact the private security company to send a car over to get them out. The managers were not on grounds and live in another state so it was impossible to file a complaint. You also had noisy apartment dwellers playing loud music all day and all night.

My last rental house, I had neighorhods playing loud music and working on their cars at all hours of the day and night.

I will be glad I go to some senior retirement home where I can get some peace and quiet.

Posted by: Gunther
at July 9, 2013 3:39 AM

My neighbor blows off his entire property every day, sometimes at 7 a.m. I have a large, beautiful Live Coast Oak tree in my front yard, which barely canopies over his driveway. He's complained to me about this tree many times, and several times threatened to trim it himself. To try and ensure it isn't damaged, I've hired an arborist to trim it--with my neighbor present at my insistence--twice in the last 9 months. But every time my neighbor blows off his property, he blows all the leaves (and his clipped grass) from his side over onto my sidewalk, right-of-way, and driveway, making large piles with distinct edges that he neatly forms in his neatnik way. So far, because I want to take the high road, I've just cleaned up these piles each week after mowing my own yard. But his nastiness is getting to me. What to do?

Posted by: carlabar
at June 23, 2014 4:46 PM

We bought our condo 2 years ago. Our first 4 months or so, we thought our upstairs neighbor worked as a bartender or actor because he came home every morning around 2 with his girlfriend, awakening us with stomping, dropping things and occasional yelling. We learned from our doormen that they were young (20 and 24) and were coming in drunk from bar hopping every night. That's when we began logging the noise and calling the doormen to call upstairs to complain. Unfortunately, the noise only spread from 2AM to all day with the upstairs neighbor blasting a sub-woofer any time of the day (including 1AM and 10PM). Over the past 2 years, we've written several letters to management, and emails to the board president. They've contacted the neighbor's father, who owns the condo, but the letters went unanswered. After a few more incidents, and word that one more neighbor complained, our condo's lawyer reached the father. The father accused us of harassing his son because of our complaints. Management says they're still waiting, but we aren't sure what they're waiting for. We will all attend the next board meeting in a few days and we don't know what to expect.

Posted by: Valerie
at June 23, 2014 8:42 PM

Carlabar,
I write about this in "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck", about how to use a note to avoid having things escalate and to get your message across in a way that best serves solving the problem (rather than just venting). I explain why you should start with, "You probably don't realize this..." or something that gives them cover (even though you know they absolutely do). Nobody wants to admit to being an asshole. Even if they absolutely are one.

I live in the middle of two very rude people. One mows his yard maybe once a month (hasn't mowed his back yard in months nor does he pick up after his two dogs) and when he does he leaves the grass clippings all over my side of the yard and in the street. Oh he did try one day to use his shop vac to blow some of it away.

The other rude neighbor does his edging on the sidewalk and then proceeds to blow it towards my property down my driveway and leaves it in the street in front of my mailbox.

I'm disabled so getting out and cleaning up his mess literally hurts. Speaking to him is useless, he just doesn't get it at all I've tried on his repeated trespassing on my property.

We are looking at moving out in the sticks so we don't have to deal with either of them or the kids who constantly harass us. Last incident with them was one of them standing in our front yard pretending to take a dump on our lawn all while his girlfriends were laughing. No respect for sure. I doubt the parents would say a thing about it and would probably think its justified because I don't like uninvited people on my property.