Friday, October 24, 2008

Over the course of my professional life, I have had to take part in A LOT of meetings.

Meetings seem to be the sustenance of managerial existence in corporate America. I’ve had to sit through good meetings, bad meetings, long meeting, short meetings….

…. But today I had the distinct honor of being a part of my weirdest meeting ever.

At 1pm my boss and I got summoned to a 1:30 conference call about some supposed “high profile” project we are a part of. When I asked him for details as to what the meeting was exactly about, he told me he knew nothing yet, except that we were asked to attend by phone.

So at 1:30, we dialed into the conference call, only to find that we had about 30 other people, from all over the country, on the line with us. The person who CALLED the meeting had not yet arrived. No one on the phone seemed to know exactly what the meeting was about.

Finally, the meeting organizer dialed in. Lets call her “Clueless” for the sake of my re-enactment.

Clueless: Hi Everyone. Ok, I just wanted to call a quick meeting to see where we all stood with the CPF project, and to make sure all the needed testing is almost done.

Me: (putting the phone on MUTE). Boss, what is the CPF project?

Boss: I have no fucking clue.

Clueless: Let’s just go person by person on the phone to make sure everyone’s piece is almost complete. Let’s start with Slyde. Slyde? How is it going?

Me: (getting REALLY nervous that I have no clue what im talking about) I’m sorry guys, but we just got called into this meeting 30 minutes ago, and we aren’t quite sure what the CPF project is about, as this is the first we are hearing of it.

Man on Phone #1: (muttering) Thank God!

Clueless: Excuse me? Who said that?

Man on Phone #1: I did. I’m sorry, it’s just that we were all sitting here in my office wondering what the CPF project was as well. This is the first WE are hearing about it also.

Woman on Phone #1: Ok then, it’s not just us. We were dialing in to see if someone could tell us what the CPF project is all about.

Clueless: Are you all serious? This project is slated to go live soon! We have a serious problem here. Could SOMEONE on the line please tell me where they are with the CPF initiative?

Silence ensues for 30 seconds…

Clueless: This is insane! Does anyone on this damn conference call know ANYTHING about the CPF project? Surely there must be SOMEONE working on it? Anyone?

Another 30 seconds of silence follows…

Clueless: NO ONE ON THIS CALL KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PROJECT? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO LIVE 11/1!!! NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PROJECT? OR HAS DONE ANY WORK ON IT? I DON’T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!

Me: Clueless, it might help if you could explain to us all what this project IS, exactly.

Clueless: What?

Me: Well, no one here has heard about the CPF project, but maybe we all know it by a different name.

Clueless: Oh.

Me: Could you tell us what the project entails, and maybe we can all get to the bottom of this....

Man on Phone # 1: Yeah, that would be a big help.

Silence

Me: Hello?

Clueless: I’m sorry, everyone. I am going to have to get back to you all on this.

Me: Excuse me?

Clueless: I was tasked with just finding out about the status of this project. I haven’t actually been INVOLVED with it. At this time, I am unable to tell you all exactly what it’s about.

Me: Are you kidding me? This is YOUR meeting! You don’t know what the CPF project is, either?

Clueless: Yeah, I’m sorry about this, guys. I will find out exactly what the CPF project is all about, and get back to you all through email.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, .... I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE that gets sucked into meetings like this. I thought I was just a freak that was being tested by the warped universe, but there ARE others out there that suffer through this with me.

I now know that there are others out there as well that deal with the same level of stupidity that I do!!!

I wonder if most of your co-workers are ex-government employees. They certain sound similar!