Goblins for All!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Because you asked for it, the following changes are coming to Pathfinder:

Introducing the next in our popular Players Companion line of products: Goblins of Purity!

Goblins are popular. But they're not popular enough! With "Goblins of Purity," we're giving you what you've been asking for—the chance to fully embrace all of the madness and mayhem that is being a goblin—but in a way that allows you to still be a hero. This book is jam-packed with all manner of fun and exciting options for goblins dedicated to fighting against the rise of evil (as most often personified by greedy adventurers, slavering dogs, and those hateful horses with their sharp, sharp hooves and soulless eyes), all while maintaining the rip-roaring fun that being an arsonist or a baby-eater brings.

Goblins of Purity includes:

Two dozen goblin archetypes, including the Dog Hunter ranger, the Friendly Picklechucker rogue, and the Peaceful Beachcomber paladin

It would be a ton of work, but absolutely hilarious to read a copy of the Core Rulebook completely rewritten from a Pro-Goblin point of view. With Dwarf, Elf, Half-Elf, Half-Orc and Human replaced by Goblin, Goblin, Goblin, Relly Big Rat, and Goblin. The gear section would be short, though.

Having a goblin at the table is an unsaid rule in home campaigns where I'm at, and I always wondered why Pathfinder Society din't join in the goblin fun. This alone makes up for any perceived slights on PFS from controversial rules changes!

I would like to preorder this now, as a player banned from playing goblins (because i did infact set fires, eat babies, kill dogs, steal things of great sentimental importance to other players and turn them into crude killing implements among other wonderful exploits) i would take no greater joy than seeing the "innocent accident charts." Also, goblin babysitter may well be the greatest class ever. I implore Paizo to actually make these hollow promises come true, and expedite them. Samurai and Ninjas are neat, but goblins are GOBLINS, and should be moved to the front of the list. Would absolutely LOVE to read the "meet the iconics" for the goblin babysitter.

I could totally see Goblin versions of Asmodeus (setting himself on fire) and Calistria (swearing vengeance on everyone laughing as she runs into the distance, being stung by her 'holy wasps') and Iomedae (riding her war-pig at the nearest windmill with a righteous cry) and Zon-Kuthon (helplessly entangled in his own chains).

I could totally see Goblin versions of Asmodeus (setting himself on fire) and Calistria (swearing vengeance on everyone laughing as she runs into the distance, being stung by her 'holy wasps') and Iomedae (riding her war-pig at the nearest windmill with a righteous cry) and Zon-Kuthon (helplessly entangled in his own chains).

While I'm a huge Wayne Reynolds fan, for Goblins, I prefer not-so-serious art, like that of Hugo with his 'the Good, the Bad and the Ugly,' or N'Wah with his awesome little cardboard guys.

Not that Crystal and Andrew don't rock... :)

Goblified Iconics would rock, rock, RAWK. Cocky Goblin Valeros? Grumpy Goblin Ezren with his Big Little Picture Book of Spells? Goblin Damiel, visible only as a hand gripping a flask, buried under a pile of other alchemical gear? The eye-searing horror that would be Goblin Seoni?

I can't believe someone's NOT making something like this. Seriously, enough people would buy it that it would be totally worth it. I mean, they obviously know enough people love goblins that this would get a rise out of people... why not take it that next step?

Also, just in general, rules for baby-eating are useful for any kind of game, goblin-centric or not.