Maybe you have heard that I have a new job and that it sucks big hairy donkey balls that have been shaved with a rusty razor. The restaurant is well-known and celebrities seem to flock to the place. In my short week there, I have seen famous chef Wolfgang Puck, famous lesbian finance guru Suze Orman and world renown pop star Katy Perry. I served Katy Perry on my first day out of training. As if your first day out of training isn’t stressful enough, I have to have the managers breathing down my neck to make sure I cater to the every whim of Katy Perry. As it turns out, she was polite, friendly, sweet, down to earth, kind and patient. All the things that my managers are not.

When she sat down with her circle of five friends, I decided I would treat her just like I do every other person in my station: like a person. Because that’s what she is. A person. Who eats food. The table ordered and then Katy (I call her Katy, because we’re close like that.) asked if we had mashed potatoes. “Um, I know we do for dinner, but I have feeling that we won’t have them this early in the day. Lemme check and I’ll let you know, okay?” I went up to manager Holly Hobbie and another manager who I have not written about yet (long story short: she’s a bitch too.) “I have a table that wants mashed potatoes. Do we have those for lunch?” “No,” said Holly Hobbie. “Oh, okay, because Katy Perry was asking-” Other Manager interrupted me. “Oh, is it for Katy Perry? Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes? I will go ask the kitchen if they can make mashed potatoes for Katy Perry since Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes.” She zoomed off as if the world’s very existence was at stake. Holly Hobbie let her glasses slide down her nose and said, “In the future? You should always say? Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes.” (I don’t know why so many of these managers say everything as a question, but they do.) Got it. So the next time anyone at lunch asks for mashed potatoes, I should say Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes. Other Manager came back from the kitchen looking like she had just had her stomach punched, completely defeated. “We don’t have any mashed potatoes. You’ll have to tell Katy Perry we don’t have them. I tried, but the chef just doesn’t have them. We would try to do it for Katy Perry if we could. Now if Joe Schmo wanted potatoes then…” I finished her sentence for her. “No potato for Joe Schmo!” I laughed and turned to walk back to my station. Other Manager called at me to return. With dead seriousness she said, “I’m serious. No mashed potatoes for Joe Schmo.” Wow, she was for real.

I went back to my dear personal friend Katy to break the bad news to her. “Yeah, just as I suspected we only have mashed potatoes at dinner and they’re just not ready yet.” And how do you think Miss Katy Perry responded? Like a normal person, she said, “Oh, okay. That’s totally cool. Just fries then.” I always thought I liked that Katy Perry chick and now I know for sure. She’s cool. I want to send her a big tub of mashed potatoes from KFC just to say thank you for being a friend.

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bitchy! love this post!!!awesome celeb meeting…glad it went well..except for the micro-brained managers…my expeerience with managers (and i was one for about 4 yrs, way back in my 20's) is they are assholes that do not know they are assholes…i know i was…then i got fired for calling the DM behind the GM's back and not following corpolicy by climbing up the ladder to fix the problem… the prob was the GM. today i would just tell the GM that he is an asshole and accept the backlash…either way getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to me or i may be someones blog topic of how i look and act like Dreyfus in Moon over Pardor or some other similar nonsense…amazing what being on the other side of the fence does for your paradigm…

i wonder WHY all the bitches and bastards become the overlords of the restaurants we work in :(i don't think i've ever had a badass manager. ever. at least katy perry was a doll and not a diva!***ladyvader99.blogspot.com***

If celebrities, who often get special treatment, can be cool about dining out and not getting something they want, then why can't the general populace follow suit? Oh, right. Because people are fucking dicks.Cool story, hope you can keep us updated on celeb behavior in a restaurant setting. They say you can tell a person's character by how they treat the service staff.

That's awesome to hear but in the same sense sad. I mean management can't even be nice, which you would expect and here is a celebrity treating you with kindness instead of bitchy-ness. Either way that's awesome you got to serve her on your first day

Long-time reader, first time commenter; love the blog! :D@ Alexa O. – because in many a restaurant, the servers are making more money than the managers. Therefore they must go on meaningless power trips over nothing to compensate for their inadequacies. And they have small penises.Oh, and Bitchy? You forgot the most important thing: Does she tip???

I gotta agree with Nicki. It's for your art, dude. And one more thing? How come Whoopie & Ellen & Hilary Douchebag Clinton get to be on Sesame street, but Katy was ousted for wearing a "revealing" outfit. It wasn't revealing. It had skater mesh on it. Elmo is a prig.

Well, one advantage of working at your new job is that provides fodder for you blog.If I may suggest a topic for a post, then I'd love to read about the training. Since the managers have large egos working at that establishment, does that mean trainees have to go through extra loophole to ensure better service? It just sounds like you're expected to go beyond the usual restaurant.Good for Katy Perry. Wouldn't it be cool if she read this post?Great post, thanks!

Sorry about my previous comment. I really write better than that. Note to self: get more sleep.Having gone back and read your older posts, I find that you've done a great job of describing the new job, its "cast of characters" and its working conditions. No need to blog about the training.I really enjoy your blog. I find it so interesting; it's your attitude and humor that makes it come alive to me. Thanks!

hahahaI so would of over reacted with the mashed potatoes incident. "It's for Katy Perry!! How could this happen, she's gonna twitter about this for sure. disgruntled sigh"Well…. thank the heavens Katy was cool beans about it.Regarding your manager, maybe try a little PG flirting.;x I'm kidding!!

It's always awesome to hear a story like this.My friend served Lyle Lovett one night when I was working and he was as kind as can be as well.Oh, and the first person to fawn all over him and rape him with his cell phone camera? The manager.karahoag.blogspot.com

So nice that Katy was cool but I'm a server and it pisses me off that Katy Perry can have mashed potatoes if they're available and no one else can. So, is Katy Perry money sprinkled with fairy dust or something? Who do they take more money from: celebrities or regular folks? It would be nice if they treated regular folks like celebrities, but doesn't sound like it's going to happen there. I'm sorry you work for dicks.

So glad you had a great experience with Katy… Most celebrities want to be treated normal, but thousands of 'regular' people insist on treating them as 'royalty' so they do what anyone would do and go with the flow… She simply asked if you had mashed potatoes; she didn't demand anything… Just wanted an answer… You did it, just right… Your manager was waaaay off! For this, you get the big bucks! Come visit when you can…

Awww,at least Katy was nice. I feel for you on the mean managers. Sounds to me like certain people you work with need to get laid. I always day dream about sending people like your managers anonymous dildos in the mail as a way of saying "lighten up". Can't you just picture their facial expressions upon receiving such a package? No pun intended.

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