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Fly on the Wall

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Returning to Memphis after a restful holiday visit to his ancestral dung heap in Middle Tennessee, your Pesky Fly was surprised by an alarming message illuminating several signs along the westbound shoulder of I-40. "Troopers on Duty," the signs read. "BEWARE!" That's right — "Beware." No, not "Drive Carefully" or "Drive Courteously" or even "Jesus Hates Litterbugs." It was a rather dark and somewhat stormy night, so naturally, with all of those terrifying troopers on duty, the atmosphere was tense. Confusion reigned as drivers alternately slowed to a crawl and recklessly put the hammer down to avoid encountering any badge-and-Taser-heavy law enforcement officials out on a tear.

The Insanity

The Commercial Appeal has hired politician and talk-radio personality Marilyn Loeffel to be its conservative columnist. In her first published work for the CA, the pundit listed various outrages, including "corruption in public office, credit card abuse, the insanity of racism or the biggest outrage of all, rape and murder in solid, decent neighborhoods." Why can't rape and murder be confined to less respectable neighborhoods, where such behavior is tragic, to be sure, but at least expected?

Man-girl Power

Recent news stories about roaming gangs of dangerous lesbians and meth for kids may have been complete poppycock, but finally Memphis TV reporters have a wacky story that isn't complete horsecrap.

Last Sunday, three disgruntled transvestites, unhappy with the service they received at a drive-through window, burst into a McDonalds on South Mendenhall, pulled off their heels, whisked off their earrings, and proceeded to kick some sesame-seed buns. According to Channel 24, the avenging disco crossdressers have since been apprehended. The restaurant's manager was taken to the hospital after being beaten with a yellow, plastic "Caution: Wet Floor" sign.