Victimhood: The Jewish Secret to Overcoming Oppression

Rather than wallowing in self-pity, Jews have always taken responsibility.

After my mother passed away when I was in college, I felt like a terrible victim. I felt alone, angry, and scared. For years I walked around looking for pity from others. I wore my sorrows on my sleeve hoping to gain sympathy. The problem was that no one likes being around a downer. Instead of having compassion for me, my friends ignored my pain.

Only when I took responsibility for generating my own positive energy was I able to move on. Victimhood creates an insatiable desire for external support. As a passive victim, you look to others to help you move on. The first rule in therapy and personal growth is that you can only help someone who wants to be helped and ultimately you can only empower him to help himself.

The Jewish Secret to Overcoming Oppression

Having survived over 2,000 years of persecution, the Jews could be the leaders of the cult of victimhood. Whether it is the Roman conquest, the Spanish inquisition, the pogroms of Eastern Europe, the Nazi genocide, multiple Arab invasions, or Hamas terror, we have plenty of oppressors to blame for our suffering. However, the Jewish approach to suffering offers a radically different attitude to the commonplace practice of placing blame and feeling like a victim. In fact, it may hold the secret to Jewish success and survival throughout the ages and it can offer vital tools to help empower the oppressed people of the world – whether it be American minorities or Palestinian Arabs.

The Jewish approach to suffering is to take responsibility.

The Jewish approach to suffering is to take responsibility. We believe that we are never the victim of circumstance. On the contrary, everything happens for a reason and all challenges in life come to teach us a lesson in order to help us to improve ourselves. When the Torah states numerous times that terrible suffering comes about because of one’s spiritual deficiencies, it does not mean that these are unrelated punishments. Rather, they are signposts to facilitate our personal growth. In fact the word for suffering in Hebrew, “yissurim,” shares the same root as the word for self-improvement or chastisement, “mussar” which in turn shares the same root as the word to change directions “sur.” The Talmud therefore adjures us that “If a person sees that suffering has befallen him, he should examine his deeds” (Talmud, Brachot 5a).

When suffering strikes, don’t point the finger to blame others for your problem. Instead look inward and see what you might have done to somehow deserve it.

Does that mean that you are blaming the victim?

Saying that the “victim” can take responsibility for overcoming his trauma and growing from the experience does not exonerate the perpetrator. The Jewish philosophers ask the following question: Since everything that happens is part of the Divine plan, if Cain choses to harm Abel, he is only helping to fulfil part of God’s will. How then can Cain be punished for his sinful actions? Abel clearly needed to go through the experience of suffering for some reason. The answer is that although Abel’s suffering is indeed part of God’s plan, Cain didn’t have to choose to be the harbinger of it! God could have brought it about in a different manner. The oppressor is therefore guilty and will be held accountable even though he was only delivering a Divine message.

This approach does not exempt us from seeking justice and fighting against oppression. On the contrary, the Torah teaches us that we must strive to fix the world and fight evil as much as we can. Jews marched alongside African Americans during the civil rights movement and have always spoken out for the rights of the poor, weak, and oppressed. However, seeking justice is very different from taking vengeance. Although acts of revenge feel heroic, they are really cowardly. Violence, terrorism, and riots only perpetuate the victim status. Their suffering is real and someone else may be deserving of punishment. However, wallowing in it does nothing to improve the situation or heal the past. Just because someone suffered does not mean he is forever a victim.

Doesn’t this attitude lead to beating yourself up whenever anything bad happens?

A life of introspection does not mean a life of self-deprecation. Beating oneself up means focusing excessively on the mistakes of the past. The Jewish concept of teshuva – or repentance – is forward oriented. It does not dwell on what happened any more than necessary to propel you forward to a more positive future. Guilt arises when one feels that his past errors have permanently damaging effects. The Torah teaches that teshuva can actually repair the past so much that your sins become stepping stones of growth and are therefore elevated to the realm of mitzvot - good deeds! Guilt and depression are feelings of stagnation. Taking responsibility for hardship leads to a life of growth and positivity. You don’t feel victimized by the past. Instead you are empowered to radically affect your future for the better by changing yourself.

Guilt and depression are feelings of stagnation. Taking responsibility for hardship leads to a life of growth and positivity.

The Kotzker Rebbe once said: "When I was younger I thought I would change the world. I then realized that I couldn’t change the world, instead I would work on changing my city. Later I realized that I couldn’t change my city but rather should just concentrate on changing my family. But now I have decided just to try and change myself."

This does not mean that one should ignore the suffering of the world – on the contrary, we must feel it deeply - however, the areas that we focus on are those directly within our area of control – namely ourselves. Focusing on things outside of our control – politics, the weather, the economy – lead to frustration, anger, paralysis, and depression. When people go through hardships they often feel powerless. The goal of a therapist, mentor, or spiritual guide is to empower people to make free will decisions to better themselves. In this way they are asserting themselves over the one area of life where they truly possess control. When we change ourselves, it has a ripple effect that spreads outwards. Changing ourselves can actually change the world. This is in effect the Jewish concept of Karma. As Gandhi said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

No Dogs, No Jews

The American Jewish experience exemplifies this point that one can succeed and change despite poverty and prejudice. As a Jew, our ancestors came to America lacking money, English, and higher education, and they faced incredible discrimination. It was not uncommon for establishments in certain parts of the country to display signs saying, “No dogs, no Blacks, and no Jews.” Nonetheless they found a way to succeed financially while educating their children and having a positive effect on countless areas of American society. They succeeded because they knew that no one was going to help them if they didn’t help themselves. They didn’t wallow in their victimhood, they didn’t blame, and they didn’t ask for pity or special compensation. They took responsibility for themselves, got to work, and were able to overcome.

The same is true of the Jews of Israel. The State of Israel was founded largely by Holocaust survivors – orphans and refugees who had every reason in the world to give up. What greater victims then they, who saw the world stand by in silence while six million of their brethren were systematically slaughtered. Nonetheless, instead of complaining, they got to work building a future for themselves in a mostly barren land of deserts and swamps. When they were attacked by numerous Arab countries on multiple fronts who outnumbered them in both manpower and arms, they persevered. Instead of expecting handouts from the world, they took responsibility and arguably accomplished more growth than any country in the world over the past century.

The Future of the Palestinians

In an article in the Washington Post, Dennis Ross, counselor at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy, Middle East negotiator under President Clinton and former special assistant to President Obama, writes about a speech he gave to over 200 Palestinians in Gaza City in 2005. He was invited by a Gaza representative in the Palestinian Legislative Council to speak about the future of Gaza, just months before Israel’s unilateral withdrawal from the area. He told them that if they took the opportunity to develop Gaza peacefully, it would open up many new opportunities for the Palestinian people in the future. However, if they chose to use Gaza as a launching pad to stage attacks on Israel instead, it would greatly limit their chances of someday having their own state. “Much of Palestinians’ history might have been imposed on them by others,” he said. “But this time they had the power to shape their future. If they made the wrong choice, they could not blame the Arabs, the Europeans, the Americans — or the Israelis. Unfortunately, we know the path Hamas chose.”

Although the Hamas’ victim line has succeeded in garnering worldwide support for their cause, it has done nothing to help the suffering Palestinian people.

Whether one is a victim at the hands of whites, Israelis, Nazis, or Muslims, perpetuating one’s victimhood leads to paralysis. The flipside of the attitude that others are responsible for my suffering means that others are also responsible for my success. It is the ultimate excuse for failure and is the antithesis of the attitude needed to begin to change. Only when the individual or community realizes that they - and only they - can take responsibility for succeeding, can the seeds of change begin to sprout. Change must come from within. The victim mentality creates a self-perpetuating culture of victimhood.

True change must come from within. When the Palestinian people are ready to stop feeling like victims, they can begin to improve their situation in life. The same is true for minorities everywhere. We deeply feel their pain. We have been there too. There are insurmountable obstacles in the way of their success and we must never minimize them - but the first step is a change in attitude. Stop blaming, stop complaining and rise from victimhood to victory.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

A native New Yorker, Gavriel Horan left the city right after high school to travel the world in search of spirituality. His journey took him to over a dozen countries where he backpacked, hitchhiked, and worked on farms while studying Native American Shamanism, Eastern Religions, and Islamic Mysticism. He eventually found his way to Israel in 2000 and discovered that Judaism was what he was searching for all along! In Israel he met his wife Rachel, originally from New Jersey. They lived in the Holy Land for eight years, where Rabbi Horan learned and taught Torah while working as a journalist and marketing writer. The Horans recently moved back to New York with their three children to join the team at Aish Albany.

Visitor Comments: 9

This was a very empowering, encouraging and thought provoking article. However, I wonder if part of the resiliency of the Jewish nation is a shared culture and heritage; a deeply rooted identity.

(7)
Stephen Baker,
August 20, 2014 11:46 PM

Beautiful article but not appropriate for chemical depression

This was a lovely article. I would caution that some people have non-situational and biologically driven depression. I suggest that one should not forgo/ignore treatment when warranted.

(6)
Patrick,
August 19, 2014 4:37 AM

Light of Wisdom

This is exactly the wisdom I needed at this precise moment in my life.I thank you rabbi and I thank aish.com for this article.The next chapter of my life begins now.

(5)
Beverly Margolis-Kurtin,
August 18, 2014 9:20 PM

Choices

Every morning, after saying Modeh and Shema, I ask myself what kind of a day do I want. What attitude will make certain that I have the kind of day I want.I'm 73 years young and try to always have a smile on my face and have a "howdy" for all I meet.Last week, someone asked me what I was "on." LIFE! I answered.I am in constant pain,but that doesn't mean I have to have the world feeling sorry for me.

(4)
Antonio Perez,
August 18, 2014 4:00 PM

And still Jews have a positive attitude

In Israel there's a remembrance of the past with an eye to the future. Israel is one of the most modern, progressive countries in the world. No arab terrorism is going to stop that. Israeli and Jewish optimism is high and I have no doubt at all, will continue to be so.

(3)
Bracha Goetz,
August 17, 2014 5:16 PM

Great!

(2)
Yehudith Shraga,
August 17, 2014 3:04 PM

This life is all about choices

Thank you for the intresting article, with a lot of insights and observations.

(1)
chava,
August 17, 2014 11:22 AM

The state was NOT founded largely by Holocaust survivors

Although it wasn't the point of the article, your statement that "The State of Israel was founded largely by Holocaust survivors" is not true, and is used often by arabs and other anti-Israel people. They claim that the arabs are paying for something for which they weren't responsible. But the facts are very different, and it's important to say over & over. First, some Jews never left during the exiles. Then, through the years, people came. At different times, different groups, as well as individuals came. In relatively recent times, kabbalists came, many to Tsfat, 500 years ago. Yerushalayim always had people living and learning in it, both very traditional and more modern. In the 19th century, the Rabbi Shabazi brought people around the same time as the Bilu group arrived. More came in the early 20th century. Lots more. Ashkenazim, Sefaradim, and all the other groups. By the time the Holocaust refugees came, there was a strong yishuv built, which was able to absorb them. The Jewish arab refugees came in droves in the early 50's. And more and more of various groups came. They ALL built the land.

Nechama,
August 18, 2014 8:51 AM

like Chava said

Like Chava said, Holocaust survivors were not the main builders of this country. In fact, due to the strict immigration protocols of the British Mandate (a direct result of Arab racism and rioting against Jews who were starting yishuvim in unsettled land- not displacing any Arabs already there) very few European Jews were able to save themselves from the Holocaust be coming to their homeland. Even after the Holocaust, dranconian immigration laws, limited the amount of refugees allowed to come home to nearly zero. Many displaced persons went elsewhere during the 3 years until the State of Israel was established.The rabbi's point remains relevant, because many of those who had not survived the Holocaust were victims of other forms of anti-semitism, prior and after the Holocaust. Pogroms in Russia and public hangings in Baghdad encouraged Jews to come establish the Jewish State. And once there, they were again confronted with hate- this time by Arab terrorists who refused to accept the idea of Jewish sovereignty and created riots and boycotts, already at the turn of the 20th century.And still we've built a state, because we're not busy finger-pointing.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...