A jacuzzi is a brand of whirlpool bathtub containing underwater jets
designed to therapeutically massage the user with warm streams of
bacteria.

Pandora is an internet radio website that allows users to listen to
everything but the song they actually want to hear.

Greece is Europe's Detroit

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (O.C.D) is getting really upset that
there's no period after the D in the first part of this sentence.

Pennsylvania is the space between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

1040EZ is an IRS form that sums up how alone, childless, and poor you
are in one easy document.

The Watergate Scandal was a major political scandal wherein President
Richard Nixon had the audacity to wiretap fellow politicians instead of
regular U.S. citizens.

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There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your
expectations.-Jodi Picoult

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If the key to her heart is 128 bits or greater, you're probably wasting
your time.-The
Covert Comic

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Why history is important:

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Note to self: When I'm writing with voice recognition software, DO NOT
TALK TO THE CATS.-@GretaChristina

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New Georgia state slogan: "We make Florida look safe!"-Andy
Borowitz

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There's a young rabbit in our back yard who has decided to nest in the
stand of tall grass. But he also wanders around in the open. Before I
can let the dogs out, I have to check that he's not visible; and if he
is, I have to scare him into a secure location. The shelties don't pick
up on his scent, but Pixie, the small dog-like creature (aka Shih Tzu)
goes immediately to the tall grass and starts tracking. I have to watch
her so I can call them back in just before she picks up the scent of his
current hiding place.

I hope that dumb bunny develops some smarts, and soon. There are hawks
and other raptors about, and one of these days they're going to spot him
sunning himself.

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Why spelling is important:

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AOL email has been hacked, so if anyone from 1994 gets this tweet,
change your password.-@pourmecoffee

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Sometimes unconditional love goes both ways.Nice boots, too.

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Conservatives don’t like safety nets because they allegedly make people
lazy and careless. But what about safety nets for top executives who
fail? Yahoo's recent decision to pay its chief operating officer $96
million for 15 months of work before firing him is just the latest
example of handsome rewards for failure in corporate suites.

At least safety nets for the poor help those in need. Safety nets for
corporate executives give them no reason to work hard because even when
they fail they can vastly increase their wealth. One way to discourage
these is to prevent corporations from deducting generous executive
severance payments from their taxable incomes.-Robert Reich

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It's an accepted fact that hot dogs contain insects and rodent hair, but
Kraft is recalling 96,000 lbs. because they have cheese in them.-@PaulaPoundstone

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Ironically, "Cliven Bundy" is what Jerry Lewis yells when he's startled
by a black person.

At this point, we're all just waiting for Cliven Bundy to yell "Kansas
City faggots!" and ride an A-bomb into the sun.-@PattonOswalt

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Granddaughter Leanna is a straight A student, loves math, is a
compulsive reader, studies martial arts and archery. I think she's going
to be a superhero when she grows up.

Ulysses S. Grant (born Hiram Ulysses Grant; April 27, 1822 – July 23,
1885) was the 18th president of the United States (1869–1877) following
his success as military commander in the American Civil War. Under
Grant, the Union Army defeated the Confederate military; the war, and
secession, ended with the surrender of Robert E. Lee's army at
Appomattox Court House. As president, Grant led the Radical Republicans
in their effort to eliminate vestiges of Confederate nationalism and
slavery, protect African American citizenship, and defeat the Ku Klux
Klan. In foreign policy, Grant sought to increase American trade and
influence, while remaining at peace with the world. Although his
Republican Party split in 1872 as reformers denounced him, Grant was
easily reelected. During his second term the country's economy was
devastated by the Panic of 1873, while investigations exposed corruption
scandals in the administration. The conservative white Southerners
regained control of Southern state governments and Democrats took
control of the federal House of Representatives. By the time Grant left
the White House in 1877, his Reconstruction policies were being undone. (Click
here for full Wikipedia article)

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As the United States is the freest of all nations, so, too, its people
sympathize with all people struggling for liberty and self- government;
but while so sympathizing it is due to our honor that we should abstain
from enforcing our views upon unwilling nations and from taking an
interested part, without invitation,

But my later experience has taught me two lessons: first, that things
are seen plainer after the events have occurred; second, that the most
confident critics are generally those who know the least about the
matter criticized.

God gave us Lincoln and Liberty, let us fight for both.

I believe that our Great Maker is preparing the world, in His own good
time, to become one nation, speaking one language, and when armies and
navies will be no longer required.

I don't underrate the value of military knowledge, but if men make war
in slavish obedience to rules, they will fail.

I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so
effective as their stringent execution.

I never wanted to get out of a place as much as I did to get out of the
presidency.

I only know two tunes. One of them is Yankee Doodle and the other isn't.

I rise only to say that I do not intend to say anything. I thank you for
your hearty welcomes and good cheers. (Grant's 'perfect speech')

In every battle there comes a time when both sides consider themselves
beaten, then he who continues the attack wins.

It is men who wait to be selected, and not those who seek, from whom we
may expect the most efficient service.

It is not with the religion of the self-styled Saints that we are now
dealing, but with their practices. They will be protected in the worship
of God according to the dictates of their consciences, but they will not
be permitted to violate the laws under the cloak of religion. (re:
Mormon polygamy)

It is preposterous to suppose that the people of one generation can lay
down the best and only rules of government for all who are to come after
them, and under unforeseen contingencies.

Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church, and the
private school, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the
church and the State forever separate.

Nations, like individuals, are punished for their transgressions.

The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at
him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving
on.

The distant rear of an army engaged in battle is not the best place from
which to judge correctly what is going on in front.

The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better
trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those
who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.

The will of the people is the best law.

Though I have been trained as a soldier, and participated in many
battles, there never was a time when, in my opinion, some way could not
be found to prevent the drawing of the sword.

Two commanders on the same field are always one too many.

Wars produce many stories of fiction, some of which are told until they
are believed to be true.