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Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Evidence that I am not quite ready to be declared officially old

People have been asking, 'Are you a Granny yet?'

This is because my husband's mother's son's son's wife's baby (my son's wife - just showing off about apostrophes) was due to give birth last Saturday.

I said to all three of my kids a while back, 'If any of you produce offspring before my 50th birthday, launching me into yet another generation, I will not be happy.' As it is, I've been 50 for 2 months exactly today. That's what I call sailing close to the wind.

So, I'm on tenterhooks, whatever the hell they are, waiting for news. Hang on. Am going to have to google ............... Wait there.

on tenterhooks

anxiously waiting for news about someone or something She was on tenterhooks until her son called and said he was not hurt.

Etymology: based on the literal meaning of tenterhook(a hook that holds cloth that is stretched to dry), suggesting that someone's emotions are tightly stretched like a piece of cloth held by tenterhooks

Well, there you go. That's what tenterhooks are. And I'm on them. This morning, my alarm went off at 6 as usual so I could get up for work, and although half of my brain said, 'That's the alarm, fool,' the other half said, 'PHONE! BABY!' and I grabbed my mobile in panic.

I'm fascinated about how I'm going to settle into this new 'Granny' identity. I am as much use to the knitting world as Botox would be to Gordon Ramsay. I don't have Murray Mints or a clean hankie in my handbag. I don't wear a shawl in bed or read Woman's Weekly. And I don't like being in rocking chairs because I spill my wine.

Still, in the next week or so, I'm going to have a grandson. Watch this space, peoples. Fran is about to get officially old.

The new Fran, knitting with tenterhooks and wishing she'd gone to Specsavers

Fran, you'll love it. Trust me. I can't knit or sew and don't wear shawls, but being a granny is one of the best things that's happened to me. Good luck with your new grandson. Spoil him to bits, and then hand him back. It's great!

Actually, I quite like the Granny Franny thing, but they say they want me to be Grandma, which I think sounds older. I'll wait and see what the baby decides ... probably end up being called Frump or whatever he can pronounce.

How wonderful! You will love being a gran. What are you going to be called by the little one? I trawled the internet for months looking for interesting granny names that didn't make me sound old ( I was 64 at the time) and in the end I am " Grandma"......nobody else liked any of the weird ones that I considered!

I've forgotten what to do with 9 year olds and wouldn't have a clue. I had my three kids by the age of 28. Heaven knows why I was in such a hurry, but I guess it does mean I can do what I'm doing now - slobbing about after getting home from work with no one demanding I build a model or make a cake with them ...

About Me

I'm a writer and English teacher based in Warwickshire.

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