This is never helpful to hear unless it's a close friend showing real concern. Bonus points if they're new parents (they know). Double Bonus points if they're a woman over 50. Now you're just being a bad person.

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Comment on what they're eating!

Have a dieter in your midst? Try saying "You're so good" really loudly. Hopefully lots of people can hear you! Best phrases to use for "unhealthy" food choices: "Wow, if I ate that I'd need a nap after." And (my personal favorite): "That's an aggressive lunch choice."

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"Did you get my email?"

Make sure to say this in passing in the hallway. Bonus points if you're asking this a few minutes after sending said email. Double bonus points if they replied and you were too lazy to check before asking.

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Text a cliffhanger!

"We need to talk." Or "Don't be mad." followed by an excruciatingly long pause between messages is ideal. Try to wait at least 5 minutes!

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"That's an interesting _________"

Shirt? Hairstyle? Baby name? It doesn't matter, fill this in with any observation about a personal choice they've made and you're certain to fill that person with self-doubt and/or a feeling of defensiveness!

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Leave a long voicemail with important information buried in between nonsense.

Honestly, leaving a voicemail is enough. Putting important info in the message just sweetens the deal.

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Call - Email - Call - Text - Repeat

The faster you can complete this sequence the better! Don't give this person a chance to reply! Assume they're ignoring you and not busy.