Jordan & Peter Andre: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

May 17th, 2009 - Alex de Moller

It?s time to leave the country.

Dynamite your house, pack your toothbrush and don?t forget to shoot your girlfriend on the way out. You?ll thank us for it later.

Hecklerspray warned glamour model Jordan about the dangers of thinking, but she didn?t quite get it. Peter Andre didn?t get it either (for over four months) and went into Mediterranean exile after spotting his wife with a slew of horsey men.

A hint to our female readers – This is what happens when you don?t put out. Your boyfriend does a jackrabbit, reverts to masturbation and suddenly ignores your texts because he figures you?re a psycho. And you might well be, for the most part, if your name is Katie Price.

Desperate to save her marriage, Jordan pleaded with her husband from their honeymoon resort in the Maldives via text, promising the pop singer that she?d be wild in bed if he took her back. Peter Andre has done the sensible thing and blanked her altogether, choosing to spend time with his family at the couple?s ?1m home in Cyprus.

Another case of a screwy woman who crosses the line, slips and falls on her knockers. It all started when Jordan removed sexytime from the couple?s marital life after she developed an obsession with horse dressage and training for the London marathon. Signs were clear last weekend as Jordan was snapped on the razzle in Bristol and referred to Pete as ?my punch bag? in an interview on Saturday.

“She realises her refusal to sleep with Pete was a terrible miscalculation and has told him she will change, in order to win him back,” said a friend of the model.

We feel sorry for Pete, even if the whole thing is a cash-grabbing hoax. When a man wakes up with a sociopath every morning, he tends to forget about her udders and think on the quality of his life. The couple’s management announced their split on Monday and estranged Peter has allegedly been seeking advice from divorce lawyers for some time.

A friend of the popstar commented on Jordan’s disrespectful behaviour in The Sun:

“Katie revelled in making Pete feel insecure. She would often deliberately not tell her who she was on the phone with. She would stop telephone conversations as soon as Pete walked in the room and she would even leave the room on occasions, telling Pete she had to send some private messages. It infuriated him.”

Things don’t look too good for Jordan which is probably why she fled the country on Monday night with her children. Tears are flowing, fears are growing – and another village in England is deprived of its idiot.