Where have all the children gone? My dear husband and I throw a big BBQ each summer for our family and friends. This year's BBQ occurred this past weekend and as usual was a fun time for everyone with only three other children besides Aaron. Two children were quite a bit older and the other (my great-niece) a little over a year older. Aaron was quite enamored with my great-niece, following her about, continuously attempting to hug her at every turn while exclaiming "Baby!" and marveling at this other little person his size. Unfortunately, my great-niece is rather shy and unsociable and did everything in her power to untangle herself from his hugs and avoided being in the same area. It broke my heart to realize just how starved for playmates our little Aaron has become. When I was a young mother, many of my friends were young mothers as well and finding playmates were as easy as a phone call and coffee date. That isn't the case anymore, as I am a "young" grandmother (only 39 when Aaron was born) and the bulk of my friends have yet to become grandparents. The few that are grandparents have traditional relationships and are not fulltime care-takers; they want to spend alone time spoiling their grandbaby rather than seek out companionship for them. So, how do we socialize these little people we're suddenly responsible for? Something so simple becomes one of those issues we encounter that is important for healthy development, but taken for granted by so many parents.I've taken Aaron to the park, but rarely are there any children his age. When there is, the mother is typically hovering and entertaining her child excessively leaving little time for the babies to interact with one another. Not to mention, the children who are more curious about one another have little time to form any kind of play bond before the trip to the park comes to an end. Likewise, we encounter the same dilemma at the children's museum or petting zoo. It is such a short visit that child encounters are too fleeting to promote socialization. Daycare or preschool is a good option, even if it is just part-time a few hours each week. Yet, they can be expensive or the absence of a reputable one locally could squash that plan. Additionally, some children may not be ready emotionally for such a situation. These children are often in our care because of some situation that has caused emotional and psychological trauma. Aaron, though young when he came to our care, was bounced around from home to home early on. As a result he suffers from extreme separation anxiety and goes into a panic if both myself and my husband are not there. This applies even with friends and family he knows well; he loves everyone as long as we are present, but let us disappear for more than a few moments and he has himself a melt-down. Due to his anxiety and that of children like him, daycare and preschool are not an option.It isn't easy to make play time, but I do try to connect with other grand-families locally who struggle with the same issues. One family in particular has a little girl Aaron's age and he adores her. They recently moved a little further away, which lessens the frequency of visits, but hopefully not the quality of those play dates. I've also recently connected with an old friend who is moving into my neighborhood. She has a grandson and cares for him often, which will allow for frequent play dates. As he gets older the anxiety may lessen and allow for other alternatives and before long he will begin school and have ample social opportunities. For the time being I will continue to be creative in making play time with other children as often as possible. We can't beat ourselves up for not bridging the generational gap of play-groups. I certainly am not enthused about sipping coffee with a bunch of 20-something new moms I have nothing in common with other than parenting.

Ugh this is one of my biggest sad issues with Gracie. She has NO one to play with. Well she has Sam (my son's gf's little boy) who is 5 yrs old. I had to go to the ER tonight and there were 3 little girls there and Gracie instantly was all over them..trying to hug..and saying "Baby" (I love that they both do that!!). We play together all the time but of course it's not the same. I feel like she is being deprived of a critical, natural occurrence in life...socializing. It breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad for her. She LOVES kids..any age, gender, race. And for us daycare is not an option either. Everything in a 50 mile radiance doesn't do hourly sessions. The price range has been 275.00 - 350.00 a WEEK no matter if she is there 2 hours a week or 40 hours a week. I have one friend who is also raising her grandson but they live over almost 2 hours away. Our library has a toddler time event once a month but as you said, that's not enough time for a bond to happen. Totally sucks :(

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Lee

08/13/2012 4:39am

After feeling that I couldn't face playgroup again I have been lucky enough to find the perfect playgrouip. It is run by one of our local churches, and they have 4 helpers who run the show....no committees, no packing up or setting up, no thinking of ideas for activities, no fundraising. It is brilliant. Andrew and I both love it. While I am the only grandma. the other mums are very friendly, and we have a couple of stay at home dads, so we are all made to feel welcome. Next year Andrew starts school, so we will be "graduating" from playgroup and starting the next phase of our lives. Is this just an Australian option? Do you have playgroups over there?

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Sherri

08/13/2012 4:57am

We also struggle with this same issue... I am 46, the hubby is 56, our grand baby is 15 months. Fortunately for the grand baby I found a babysitter who has a 3 year old, and she also babysits 2 other children that are in the same age range as our grand baby. So I'm feeling a lot better about her, but as for us and our own playmates, well that's a different story. We understand, I mean heck a year ago before baby we didn't want to hang out with someone who had small children, been there done that already lol! But looks like we are doing it again.... I'm considering starting a support group in our town for grandparents raising grandbabies, the closest one around is about 40 miles away, and with our schedules the travel time alone would be a luxury! Finding the time to start one, well that's a different story. But we have had her for about 8 months now, starting to adjust to this new version of our normal, so maybe by this time next year ... Thanks for having this for me to read, was starting to feel like we were the only ones :)