This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.

Learning to Forgive

I have come to a conclusion about an important aspect of grief. Nothing that anyone says or does, whether positive or negative, surprises me anymore. I am sitting on the rock bottom of an unforgiving valley looking up and out and absorbing the view. I am learning and reflecting on this experience. What I take away from this experience will stay with me for the rest of my life.
The act of forgiveness comes from acceptance. Acceptance is the catalyst to allow in forgiveness into your heart and the result is peace.
This internal act is something you do for yourself. When you are open to forgiveness you allow yourself to heal on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. When you do not allow this healing in, pain and disease and illness (both mental and emotional) manifest and only lead you down a path that is not intended for you. Allowing yourself to let go of pain that others inflict on you will benefit you in all aspects of you life. The equation is simple. Forgiveness is a fundamental component to happiness and health. You cannot separate out judgement, resentment, anger, and hate from your own personal health and happiness. The two do not live jointly in your heart without contention and unrest. Most of us feel this duality within us and it is the greatest human struggle. It is the single cause of one to one interpersonal strife all the way to war between nations. Learning to forgive is the Mount Everest of human emotional challenges. The difficulty of not forgiving is a core elemental human flaw that is uniquely placed in us to challenge us to overcome life’s biggest obstacles. I identify with my pain inflicted by others and I am trying to identify with the hurt I cause. It is up to me to stand outside myself, bring my heart and mind to a higher plane, and to learn acceptance and forgiveness in order for me to wholly heal and find peace and happiness. Words and basic deeds of goodwill are not enough. We think they are, and we rationalize that thought in order to skip over the real truth in order not to face our own shortcomings. It’s easier in the short run to hold on to all that has been done towards us, but more profound when we create actions that heal in the long run. When we justify our anger and resentment, it holds us captive and without what we all truly need and deserve. We are all meant to be happy and emotionally healthy, that is what is wanted for us from above. But the key to this enlightened state is to fully become aware of your own pain and hurt and to heal through forgiveness and acceptance of others from within. I am human and this is the hardest thing I will ever have to face. If I want to experience true rewards of clear vision and peace in my heart, I must accept this challenge.

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Holly C Barker

My name is Holly Barker and I am the founder of Grief Anonymous, a national support organization for grief and loss. I am also the founder of the Grief Resource Network. My husband of 14 years and the father of my son died of Malignant Melanoma skin cancer in 2014. My mission is to write honestly about our journey and to share with those that are going through the loss of a loved one or another challenging experience. I learned through this experience about the process of understanding, accepting what life hands us, and living in the continuum and connectivity to our loved ones that have passed on. If you are stuck and having a difficult time moving forward into the life that is wanted for you from above, follow me on this journey and maybe it will help you, too. Love and Light, Holly