Search

My Other Blog

My NYT Bestseller!

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

LIFE and Google teamed up not too long ago to create a nifty online photo database of LIFE photographs, 97% of which were never previously released to the public. It's really fascinating stuff, and I highly recommend you do a search for "cake" there the next time you're bored. Most are gorgeous creations that show that cake art has a long and rich history, but a few are a bit more...interesting:

Good to know that handwriting and spacing were an issue even back in 1951. It only looks misspelled, though; that's just a scrunched 'm' in 'recommissioned'.

This one is just odd:

What IS this? Do you suppose it's made of large donuts? And the ferns - why?(UPDATE: Mystery solved : it's a "baumkuchen". Thanks, guys!)

You'll "tank" me for this next one:

See, this is why you don't let guys cut the cake. The archive is full of men cutting cakes with swords, too. [eye roll] Fellas, it's a TANK. Do you really need to "man it up" by cutting it with your rifle?

This one is actually a "dog cake", but I had to include it for the "oh-no-they-di'in't!" factor (Note: put down the coffee and brace yourself):

[dry-heaving] Why? Why did someone feel THIS was deserving of preservation on film? WHY?!?

And finally, a modern-day Wreck:

"Oprah? Is that you?"

All images courtesy of the LIFE photo archive. Thanks to Becca B. for finding Oprah's head and Jessica T. for the doggie Wreck.

Here's what I found on the net for the Baumkuchen. I've been a cake decorator for over 30 years and I've never heard of this before. I'm absolutely fascinated and would love to tasted one done the traditional way.:

Baumkuchen -- the King of Cakes!

A true test of a pastry chef's skills, the Baumkuchen has earned its reputation as the "King of Cakes." This labor-intensive specialty gets it name, which translates literally as Tree Cake, from the many thin rings that form as layer upon layer of cake is baked. For more than 200 years German bakers have been producing this treat by placing a thin spit over a heat source, originally a wood fire, then evenly brushing batter over it, giving each new layer a chance to bake to a golden brown before brushing on the next. When the cake is removed and sliced, each layer is divided from the next by a golden line, resembling the rings on a crosscut tree. Skilled pastry chefs have been known to create cakes with 25 layers, weighing over 100 pounds and measuring more than 3 feet long. The recipe here is adapted for the home baker and uses a springform pan instead of a spit. Of course the ring effect won't be exactly the same, but the taste is still worth the effort and you won't have to spend your Christmas holiday cleaning drips of burned batter off the oven.

Whip butter and sugar well until creamy. Gradually add egg yolks and the remaining ingredients to the butter-sugar mixture until a light, foamy batter forms. Beat egg whites until very stiff and stir gently into the batter. Pour about 2 tablespoons batter (a thin covering) into a 8-1/2" springform pan greased with butter. On the uppermost oven rack, bake (or broil!) in a preheated oven at 450° F for 2 minutes or until golden brown. Watch carefully, this browning can take place very quickly. Repeat until all the batter is gone -- you should have about 14 to 16 layers. When the cake is done, let it stand a few minutes before running a sharp knife along the sides of the pan. Remove the cake from the pan and glaze with melted apricot jam. Once the jam is set, you can add an additional glaze of thinned almond paste or immediately finish the cake with a thin icing made from powered sugar or the highest quality chocolate available (use your favorite chocolate).

This website is so educational! I had never heard of Baumkuchen or Norwegian wedding cakes before.

Re the dog cake: According to the Life website, it is a birthday cake somebody make for a dog -- i.e., real hotdogs stuck into a glob of dog food. That answers the "what?" question. As to "why?" . . . I have no idea.

That tank cake weighed 350 lbs! Yes, bayonetts detach, but where is the fun in that?!If we had actually had a real wedding (and not eloped in a tiny closet) I would have totally wanted to cut our cake with hubby's sword (or Kbar, lol).

Cutting cake with a sword is a long tradition in the military. It happens at every Marine Corps Ball and at many weddings that involve a Marine. I haven't seen it in the Air Force, so maybe it's just a grunt thing. Love the blog! The dog cake is more than slightly disturbing; as is the Oprah cake. Ew!

Hmm, I never thought I would hear about bayonets, kabars, and ninja swords here on cake wrecks! My husband and I cut our cake with a Marine NCO sword. I'm glad the thought of doing with a bayonet or kabar never crossed his mind. We did have GI Joes on the groom cake though!

OK, the hot dog cake does look like something my mom would have made in the early 60's. But then again, we would have had a cigarette sitting somewhere nearby and her plaid thermos, that I found out years later was filled with many Tom Collins. (Is the plural Tom Collinses?) Ah, those golden childhood memories...tobacco, booze, coffee and meatlike products as the mainstay of any meal. I still dry heave at the smell of a tuna noodle casserole which was poured down our Catholic throats every freeking Friday. The dogs on corned beef hash cake would have been a sin, literally.

Years later, I did marry a military academy graduate and it is a tradition to cut the wedding cake with his sword, which is much more gentile than straffing it with small arms fire. That may have come later if my mom brought her above mentioned thermos. Probably the sword was an excuse for him to whip out something long, stiff and used only on special occassions at the reception.

Well as the spouse of an Army Officer, we cut our wedding cake with his sword. Roll eyes all you like but it is tradition at military Balls for cakes to be cut with swords. I say Kudos to the person who made the Tank cake.

My brother got married at the Ranaissance Faire, and I find myself saddened that they didn't cut the cake with a sword. Then again, their wedding toast was given by Henry VIII and Ann Boleyn, so sharp objects may have been tactfully removed.

Do you see the sparse refreshments on the first table with the Wisconsin cake? Now-a-days the table would be filled with every sort of finger food imaginable. Back then it was sufficient to have cake ... and mints and nuts. Times have changed and I am not sure (in this case) they have changed for the better. We all eat too much.

Wow! Did anyone see "Gary Unmarried on Wednesday night at 8:30? The little girl in the show made a bust of Mia Angelo that looks alot like the Oprah cake! I couldn't believe it when I saw it...what's up with busts?

I've actually cut a cake with a sword before, so it's not just a guy thing. (My X chromosomes insist on that, as does my hubby!)

The hot dog cake looks like something out of James Lileks' wonderfully hurl-inducing book "The Gallery of Regrettable Food". Folks in the 50s apparently had a thing for inventive (but nauseating) methods for presenting hot dogs. Outtakes are available on the web here: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/index.html