For news folks, Christmastime is the absolute worst. There’s snow, traffic, crowded shopping centers, Christmas lights, and not much else. Government officials are hard to come by, so that story on that Turd Tax proposed by the Sewage Control Board will have to wait till the calendar turns. The education beat is nothing but fluff. If you’re lucky, some thugs will mug an inflatable Santa overnight and your crime team can jump on that.

And let’s not even talk about working while everyone else is getting smashed on alcoholic egg juice.

So to lighten the mood, and bring a little joy to newsrooms everywhere, I bring you, Newsy Newsy Christmas. (Think Burl Ives) And Merry Christmas.

Have a newsy, newsy ChristmasIt’s the worst time of the yearIt’s fo sho that there’ll be snowso pack your rainy gearHave a newsy newsy ChristmasAnd when you walk down the streetSay Hey-Hey to Pookie and RayAnd folks on the Street BeatOh hoThe mistletoeHung from your belt loopTell the boss to kiss youRight down where you poopHave a newsy newsy ChristmasAnd in case you didn’t hearOh by gollyThere’ll be no newsroom raisesNext year.