This past year was unbeleivable. It is amazing how empty our lives now are. All of our drams goals and disires are mostly gone now. We have been told that oneday it will start to return, and now that all of the "firsts" are over maybe we can move ahead again.

Different circumstances, but I can relate to that - especially on the future stuff, both the dreams and the practical. IMO their ain't no right or wrong answers, you just get to find your own way. and sometimes that requires making things up as you go along just to get to the next hour / day / week / month / year - even if not always entirely sure why.

But I kinda figure some things are not meant to ever be fully over, but in time you learn how to carry them as best you can. and sometimes your best may not be very good - but that is not a bad thing, that's just how things are. And after all, it's not a burden - it's just what you get to carry. And to be honest, in my case, I would not want it any other way - but everyone gets to carry their own load in their own way. Ain't no right or wrong.

when my grandmother talked of losing her first child (as an infant) she said life never went back to normal, because everything had changed with that loss. it was as though her life was a different color after her daughter's death, all seen through the lens of the child she'd given birth to that could not be there with her.

your life is probably a different color now, certainly a color you wouldn't choose. the shock and regret can be totally consuming. while this grief is really maddening, and you've lost your future with her, you haven't lost what you had.

you are still the parent of this child, this daughter that is no longer with you. you will find a way, i hope, to still be amanda's parent, and that will become your peace and your strength. she's still your baby, go ahead and love her.

and i'm so, so sorry. please know that the wound will not always be this raw, and that you will find a way. you will. she loved you.

__________________Geordie's first mate (ha!) on Matsu, the mighty Columbia 34

when people lost sight of the way to live came codes of love and honesty
~Lao Tsu

when my grandmother talked of losing her first child (as an infant) she said life never went back to normal, because everything had changed with that loss. it was as though her life was a different color after her daughter's death, all seen through the lens of the child she'd given birth to that could not be there with her.

your life is probably a different color now, certainly a color you wouldn't choose. the shock and regret can be totally consuming. while this grief is really maddening, and you've lost your future with her, you haven't lost what you had.

you are still the parent of this child, this daughter that is no longer with you. you will find a way, i hope, to still be amanda's parent, and that will become your peace and your strength. she's still your baby, go ahead and love her.

and i'm so, so sorry. please know that the wound will not always be this raw, and that you will find a way. you will. she loved you.

What Hallie said

Vary nicely put Hallie...

__________________
"Go simple, go large!".

Relationships are everything to me...everything else in life is just a tool to enhance them.

This morning at 9:08 am our world ended. My life was perfect up to then but I was to stupid realize it.

My Dad died about 4 months after Amanda and I will say that the pain of losing her makes losing him very close to nothing. I sometimes feel guilty that I have little feeling for his loss but it just shows me what a parent goes through when they lose a child.

Gunner
I missed the posts originally from the loss of your daughter. On January 3rd, 2009 my wife of 41 years went to be with your daughter. I am presently back from the Middle east with her remains. The funeral will be on Thursday. I am having a very hard time writing this post. My wife suffered with ALS for 2 years and we new it was coming but it still doesn't make it easier. How did you do it? Does the hurt ever go away?

Lancer I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The only thing that I can say at this time is to trust that life will return to you. All that I have been able to do is to place one foot in front of the other and pray that the Lord will keep us standing and oneday give us a reason to live again.