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I Had to Return My Adopted Baby

The heartbreaking process I endured to become a mom.

Becoming a mom at 49 was never what I had envisioned. But after 6 years of failed IUI cycles dread an adoption process filled with disappointments, I finally met my beautiful baby girl and brought her home.

My journey was riddled with hardships. I had to endure returning my adopted child when the birth parents changed their mind, and so much more. But whether you are trying to conceive or have decided to adopt a child, the road to becoming a parent is rarely easy. I know that inner strength and believing in what was meant to be kept me moving forward.

My mother’s death propelled me to start the process of becoming a parent as a 43-year-old single woman. As my connection to her remained strong in spirit after her death, I was ready to experience the bond that I experienced with her. I began the journey with Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI), and after three failed attempts at getting pregnant, I decided to adopt.

Fingerprints, background checks, references, classes, doing a profile of yourself and your life that birth parents eventually use to choose adoptive families — the adoption process is a lengthy and humbling one.

My application was approved in May 2009, and as luck would have it, a young couple chose me just a month later. I couldn’t believe my fortune. But I had to get to work and prepare the house for my baby’s arrival. I bought the best of everything — bassinets, clothes, diapers, car seats… the list goes on. I told close friends and family that it was finally happening. All of this was in vain. The day that I was supposed to pick my daughter up, I learned that the birth parents had changed their minds. They no longer wanted to give their daughter up for adoption.

As time passed, it was difficult to endure no interest from potential parents but the faith in believing what is meant to be continued. To increase my potential, I enrolled with a second adoption agency.

A few months later, as I was getting ready to try IVF for the first time, I received a phone call to let me know that a woman had selected me to adopt her child. She was due on January 27, 2015! So I opted out of IVF and found myself in a hospital delivery room with the birth mother, assisting her in the delivery of MY child. It was a boy! I was so thrilled, and he was just adorable.

After six years of losses and disappointments, I was able to bring Austin Marco home and awaited the final word that the Mother and Father have given the needed consent. I was getting ready to watch the Super Bowl with Austin dressed in football gear, I got a phone call. Once again, the adoption agency informed me that the birth mother had changed her mind. That evening, I had to return Austin to his birth mom. I was heartbroken, and my hopes were shattered.

What now? Going back to IVF meant starting from scratch, and that would take a minimum of six months before being able to really start getting pregnant. I was 49 years old, and the clock was ticking. I really wanted to be a mom by the age of 50.

On Tuesday March 3, 2015, I was in Chicago, recovering from a collapsed lung, when I received yet another phone call from the adoption agency. An expecting mom had chosen me and had already signed over all of her rights. This little girl was mine. For real, this time. But I had to get to Southern New Jersey by Thursday to pick her up from the hospital. After negotiating with my doctor to give me the green light to leave while recovering from my condition, I hopped on a train, and 22 hours later, I arrived to New York City in a massive snow storm. I took longer than expected to get to her, but on March 6, 2015, after navigating the icy roads of New Jersey, I met Isabella Roberta!

Isabella is now two years old, and she has changed my life in ways that just can’t be fully described. What I can say is that I now understand my mother’s love even more and her devotion to me and my siblings, and as I am sharing the same with my daughter, my bond to my mother keeps on growing.

Andrea is a single mom from North Jersey. Having a family has been a goal of hers for many years and now finally it was time to start the process. Andrea worked in advertising in NYC for 30 years and is now blessed to spend time with her beautiful daughter Isabella.

About Charlene Petitjean-Barkulis

CHARLENE PETITJEAN-BARKULIS is the managing editor of Well Rounded. She's a French expat, Brooklyn-based writer and mama to Arthur and Leon. Before settling in New York City with her family, Charlene lived in LA, Berkeley, and Baltimore and earned a degree in journalism from Columbia University. When she isn’t busy chasing after her big kiddo, nursing her little kiddo or writing about all things pregnancy and motherhood, she’s likely to soak in a bubble bath, eat an entire wheel of brie cheese or drink a crisp glass of Sancerre (sometimes, all three at the same time). Follow her on Instagram here.