Movies You Aught Not Watch: The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps

Movies You Aught Not Watch is Nick Rogers’ weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films of 2000-2009.

“The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps”
Rated PG-13
2000

There are students finalizing master’s degrees in psychology who were newborns when Eddie Murphy last headlined a brilliant live-action comedy. And if they’re still debating their dissertation, they might consider Murphy’s psychosexual fixations, given nauseating display in 2000’s “The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.”

Murphy plays eight characters — portly Sherman Klump, horndog alter ego Buddy Love and all but one of the remaining Klumps. But counting a baby that pees in Larry Miller’s mouth and a nightmare in which Sherman’s penis is Buddy’s face, it’s a nice, round 10.

So the buttocks wouldn’t feel left out, Murphy enlisted a plethora of writers to test the PG-13 limits of violent anal content.

In addition to numerous farts (flames optional), Sherman excretes Buddy, and, during a dream sequence set in space, Sherman farts the string punctuations of the “Blue Danube” waltz before revealing the “Star Wars” Force to be flatulence — the only thing fouler than midichlorians.

Lest too much be read into the film’s dreams, be sure to examine what its reality entails. There, a giant hamster torpedoes turds from its own ass before violating Larry Miller’s, who later mulls whether to insert said hamster, now reduced back to normal size, into his rectum. (On the scale of cinematic dignity, Miller escapes just one rung above the star of a snuff film.)

Rape that’s anal and bestial! Scrotal lint! Noodly penises! One Eddie Murphy character desperately begging to give another one gummy oral sex in a hot tub!