Bella has spent her life abused and betrayed. Now she feels nothing. When she meets the new boy in school she starts to feel again. But is the pain worth the possibility of something better? NC-17 for violence, language, possible lemons in later chapters.

Get Jasper knocked up at least three times in one story. Why? Because it is not nearly as funny to knock up any of the other vampires. And since female vampires are just as hard to knock up as males, might as well go all the way and choose Jasper.

Knock up all the other Cullens while I am at it. Why? Because I can’t think of a good reason why Jasper would be any more knocked up than the rest of them. Maybe Emmett would be… but Emmett is not as funny.

Accuse Edward of having a sexual relationship with his piano and bring up this accusation as many times as possible without Bella finding out.

End in a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, because the Volturi think Carlisle is lying about vampires laying eggs. Why? Because it is the funniest reason for a war I can think of.

Explain vampire genetics, using plasmids, in a way that is one hundred percent compatible with everything ever said by Stephenie Meyer about vampires.

Explain how vampires can reproduce vertically without violating the “vampires cannot change” law of vampiredom.

Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires. Why? Because I’m a biologist.

Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.

Recently nominated for a hidden star award.

The award nominations keep coming: now nominated for multiple iSparkle Awards including the You'll Quote Me Later Award for the thing with Edward and his inappropriate relationship with his piano. Please go vote now!

Edward was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when he was six years old. Now, at twenty-two, he's trying to be a normal college student. The only thing is, he had to agree to share an apartment with his sister, Alice, who helps take care of him. When Alice gets accepted into a fashion school three hours away, they have to rely on a family friend, Bella, to live with Edward. Totally against having any help from anyone, Edward has to learn that you can't get through life alone.

***This story is not a happy-go-lucky love story. It is a drama and involves the issue of the illness CF. If anyone is sensitive to this subject, I suggest you don't read on.

Rebel Bella has been shipped around the U.S. for years to different foster homes after being placed in Child Protective Services. What will happen when she is placed with uptight Edward and his family? AU/AH/OOC/adult language and lemons ensue!

Bella is beginning her first year as a doctoral student in biology at the University of Washington, in the lab of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. She thinks she's going to identify how snake venom poisons prey, but as she delves deeper into her experiment she realizes that she's stumbled onto something far more sinister.

When Edward & Bella's son, Nathan, goes missing it turns their lives upside down. This is the journey they take to find him, & in the process realize everything isn't what it seems. M for language, themes, & future lemons EPOV E/B Eventually NO CHEATING!

Bella is lost and lonely after her boyfriend breaks up with her. Edward is a determined Dom who needs a slave to train. When their worlds collide, Bella finds herself willfully trapped in his darkest realms. What they both find in each other is something neither of them expected.

Bella Swan is, according to her friend Jasper Hale, "that girl that every guy in high school falls in love with at least twice." Jasper's new foster brother, Edward, is convinced he's kidding. After all, he can see that Bella's acting, that her perfection is the cover for her true self.

But Edward has secrets of his own, and he's sure he'd be better off without them coming to the surface. His past of multiple foster houses and gang violence aren't the worst of his problems.

Their meeting is an accident. Or maybe fate.

(and you see that incredibly amazing banner of incredible amazingness? my beta, Dr_Twilight_PharmD, who constantly goes above and beyond the call of Beta Duty, made that for me)

When put in a group on a photography class project, three very different girls come to realize there’s more to life than themselves after heading to Annapolis Maryland, home of the United States Naval Academy. When these girls bump into three midshipmen, each of whom have question why they are attending the academy, it comes to affect them all.

Bella lives to serve her Master. It can be tedious at times, titillating at others, but always, her world revolves around his. Come take a peek at the trials and triumphs in the life of a 24/7 consensual slave and find what happens when outside forces threaten to expose her lifestyle.

Please note that this story contains graphic language, graphic sexual situations and is only intended for a mature audience. The BDSM relationship described herein is entirely consensual, but may be offensive to some readers. Read with caution. OOC, AU/AH

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.