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Sunday, February 28, 2016

“Gratitude for a Life Transformed,” by Louela Manankil-Rankin

I wracked my brain this week trying to think of some
object to bring and some story to write for show and tell at Brian’s writing
class. My problem is I can never say “no” and I found myself stressing over the
completion of this assignment. I always feel this way whenever I engage my
neurotic self into the process of creation. I am somewhat obsessive-compulsive
with a flare of perfectionistic tendencies. This is not a formally diagnosed
mental health issue but after observing my life over many decades, I have come
to understand what makes me intense.

I finally sat at the computer and began to
produce something that could be perceived as coherent. I was not aiming for logical
and creative. I was attempting to design something simple but perhaps “on the
other side of complex,” a phrase used by my boss. Already I was sounding
incoherent; so I decided to return to the stories of my life and what pulled me
into living differently this week, something from my inner world as opposed to what
was out there amidst the clutter of my life. I would bring gratitude for a life
transformed because of Shazia’s story “The Sand Timer” (posted on Quick Brown
Fox here.)

Last week, as I sat and listened to Shazia read
her story, I felt transported to a place to ponder my existence. The movement
of the clothes in her closet as she ran her hands through them made me feel the
presence of a life celebrated. How often have I looked at my own closet only to
wonder what to wear to work the next day?

This week, I ran my hands through my
clothes and felt my own spirit and the experiences I had when I wore them. My
clothes took me to memories of weddings, funerals, and graduations, and I am
grateful for this experience.

Like Shazia, I, too, have a box of miscellaneous
stuff that needs to be cleared out. But now I was not focused on the trinkets
or the children’s’ old possessions – their first drawings, their certificates.
The baggage that drew me were those issues that lay deep within myself. A
suitcase full of things I wish I could change.

I continue to struggle and yearn for conversion
but modifying one’s beliefs takes a great deal of muscle, energy that I find
difficult to engage. I pulled a prayer from memory that sustained me over the
years. It’s been the anchor that’s grounded me, my compass that’s provided direction to keep
going and forgive my weaknesses. It was my sand timer:

Fast from discontent and feast on gratitude; fast
from anger and feast on patience; fast from bitterness and feast on
forgiveness; fast from self-concern and feast on compassion.

Finally, Shazia talked about her will to control
how her life would be spent and how it could be used to help others. The story
she wrote became a trigger to my own awakening. It was a reminder to continue
my work towards a better version of myself. Her words, fortified with bravery
and courage, became a stronghold against my fears. It was when I felt this that
I knew I wanted to bring gratitude to my show and tell.

Louela Manankil-Rankin is an academic nurse
educator for Nipissing University Scholar Practitioner Program. She joined
Brian’s classes in September to quench her thirst for creative writing. She
started out with a class on “Memoirs” followed by her current course, “Welcome to
Creative Writing”. Louela believes that writing is a way for our spirit to
speak; for words reveal to us what we most need to understand. Louela lives
with her husband in Oakville, Ontario.

Brian Henry has been a book editor, writer, and creative writing instructor for more than 25 years. He teaches creative writing at Ryerson University. He also leads weekly creative writing courses in Burlington, Mississauga, Oakville and Georgetown and conducts Saturday workshops throughout Ontario. His proudest boast is that he has helped many of his students get published.