LG WILLIAMS received his M.F.A from the University of California, Davis and B.A. from the Kansas City Art Institute. He also holds an honorary Ph.D. from ISSA, Cedar Rapids, IA. Williams has taught art, art history and art appreciation courses at the University of California-Davis, University of Southern California, California College of the Arts, and the University of Hawaii, to name a few. Author of many books and publications on art, art criticism, and poetry, Williams has appeared in Modern Painters, Juxtapoz, Artweek, Art Papers, Village Voice, San Francisco Chronicle, Honolulu Bulletin, Sacramento Bee, LA Weekly, Maui Weekly, SF Weekly, and The Bay Guardian. Williams’s recent curatorial projects include Wally Hedrick’s, War Room, at San Francisco International Art Fair. His website is www.lgwilliams.com

It’s bad fucking practice, depressing demand for LG’s avant-garde artworks when art collectors are still suffering from a decade of bad fucking art. What the fuck! Jonnie Jackoff writes in Artforum that LG seems to have decided to fire his masseuses and replace them with an incredible new art idea: “reinstate Norman Rockwell style pictorial values during the American financial crisis”. LMAO!

True, it’s a novel, risky idea – albeit Picasso went ‘classico’ during World War I almost a century ago. “But it might just work, people will buy fucking anything with a naked lady eating a hotdog!” says the artist during an interview yesterday while panhandling in cardboard box in a dark fucking alley in Monte Carlo. He was here to entertain some wealthy collectors who quickly kicked him out on the street for his continuous use of profanity around the patron’s five children.

However, many critics agree that it’s bad long-run art policy, shifting attention away from the essential needs to LG’s avant-garde art reform and focusing on LG making some quick cash with cheap, realistic trickery and naked chicks recruited from Hooters.

And it’s a betrayal of everything LG’s supporters thought they were working for. Just like that, LG has embraced and validated the fucking regressive artworld-view — and more specifically, he has embraced the fucking policy ideas of his luxury envy, dollar worshiping opponents. A correspondent writes, “I feel like an idiot for supporting this LG. He sucks now. He’s not getting any more free pussy from me or my girlfriends.”

But, I still cling to a sexual fantasy with LG: maybe, just possibly, LG is going to tie his art freeze to something incredible that would actually help avant-garde art, like fart credits for fucking space aliens from Planet Viagras. (But, don’t count on it). There has been no hint of anything like that in the fart press so far. Right now, LG is looking like pure fucking disaster.

Los Angeles, California — Artist LG Williams, striking a no-retreat, no-surrender posture of Dionysus in the wake of his exhibition’s humiliating criticism by small minded, 18th century oriented bloggers, vowed Friday to press on with his expansive artistic agenda — including tough new fucking explanations of his aesthetics — even if it meant he had to “take my lumps” from bitter art critics and museum officials.

Mr. Williams came to West Hollywood for the second stop on his “House Where The Bottom Fell Out tour,” to spread the word that his art is all about art, art, art. With his approval ratings up to about 69 percent, the ordinarily cool and cerebral LG sounded unusually defiant, even fiery, during a town hall-style question and answer session at Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The artist used the word “fuck,” or some version of it, more than 20 fucking times.

Mr. Williams vowed to “never stop fighting for fucking art that will help restore radical values.” He promised that he was “not going to stop fucking fighting to give our kids and domestic pets the best art possible.” He pledged he would not “stop fighting to give every American my art,” to continue fighting for a new Bad Art Critic Protection Agency, public nudity for celebrity starlets, and for openness in contemporary art made by LG Williams.

“So long as I have some breath in me, so long as I have the privilege of serving as your favorite American artist, I will not stop making fart for you,” Mr. Williams said. “I will take my regular dumps. But I won’t stop fighting to bring back good art here in God’s greatest country on Earth, Amen!”

The artist’s appearance here comes one day after he picked an especially big fight, with a couple of drunk, angry, vacationing, dart gun-toting, sun burnt feminist art critics from Reno who thought LG was Dave Hickey or Dave Hollowell (the reporter here is uncertain, too): they began by chanting for new limits on anything that would prevent LG or Dave from becoming too big to fail -- until they vomited all over their mopeds. LG sounded as if he would relish any confrontation.

“It’s going to be a fight,” the artist said, warming up to the crowd like a bitch to free Patron. “You watch. I guarantee you, when I start on art reform in Artforum, there are people who are going to say, ‘What the fuck, why is he meddling in Artforum’ or ‘Why — why is he meddling in art period? It’s another example of LG being big — big art.’ No, I just want to have some rules in place so that when these dumb art critics make dumb decisions, you don’t end up having to foot the bill. That’s pretty straightforward. I don’t mind having a fucking art fight.”

On Friday, Mr. LG alluded to art again, saying it was “pretty easy to get a warped view of things” in LA. With all the problems he faces in art, he sounded especially happy to be let loose for a few hours.

“It’s just nice being out of Honolulu – I need a real burrito,” he said.

Los Angeles, California — Artist LG Williams, striking a no-retreat, no-surrender posture of Dionysus in the wake of his exhibition’s humiliating criticism by small minded, 18th century oriented bloggers, vowed Friday to press on with his expansive artistic agenda — including tough new fucking explanations of his aesthetics — even if it meant he had to “take my lumps” from bitter art critics and museum officials.

Mr. Williams came to West Hollywood for the second stop on his “House Where The Bottom Fell Out tour,” to spread the word that his art is all about art, art, art. With his approval ratings up to about 69 percent, the ordinarily cool and cerebral LG sounded unusually defiant, even fiery, during a town hall-style question and answer session at Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The artist used the word “fuck,” or some version of it, more than 20 fucking times.

Mr. Williams vowed to “never stop fighting for fucking art that will help restore radical values.” He promised that he was “not going to stop fucking fighting to give our kids and domestic pets the best art possible.” He pledged he would not “stop fighting to give every American my art,” to continue fighting for a new Bad Art Critic Protection Agency, public nudity for celebrity starlets, and for openness in contemporary art made by LG Williams.

“So long as I have some breath in me, so long as I have the privilege of serving as your favorite American artist, I will not stop making fart for you,” Mr. Williams said. “I will take my regular dumps. But I won’t stop fighting to bring back good art here in God’s greatest country on Earth, Amen!”

The artist’s appearance here comes one day after he picked an especially big fight, with a couple of drunk, angry, vacationing, dart gun-toting, sun burnt feminist art critics from Reno who thought LG was Dave Hickey or Dave Hollowell (the reporter here is uncertain, too): they began by chanting for new limits on anything that would prevent LG or Dave from becoming too big to fail -- until they vomited all over their mopeds. LG sounded as if he would relish any confrontation.

“It’s going to be a fight,” the artist said, warming up to the crowd like a bitch to free Patron. “You watch. I guarantee you, when I start on art reform in Artforum, there are people who are going to say, ‘What the fuck, why is he meddling in Artforum’ or ‘Why — why is he meddling in art period? It’s another example of LG being big — big art.’ No, I just want to have some rules in place so that when these dumb art critics make dumb decisions, you don’t end up having to foot the bill. That’s pretty straightforward. I don’t mind having a fucking art fight.”

On Friday, Mr. LG alluded to art again, saying it was “pretty easy to get a warped view of things” in LA. With all the problems he faces in art, he sounded especially happy to be let loose for a few hours.

“It’s just nice being out of Honolulu – I need a real burrito,” he said.

January 15, 2010

VATICAN CITY — “LG Williams” is wooing audiences worldwide with visually dazzling art and nature-loving aesthetic. But the Vatican is no easy crowd to please.

The Vatican newspaper and radio station are criticizing LG Williams’ latest blockbuster exhibition, “WHITE FLAG” for flirting with the idea that great art can replace religion – a notion the pope has warned against. They call art a simplistic and sappy tale, despite its awe-inspiring special effects.

“Not much behind LG Williams except greed, power, Patron, sex, hype, Hollywood, Natalie Portman, money and politics” was how the Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano, summed it up in a headline.

As the second highest-grossing Los Angeles artist ever, “LG Williams” is challenging the record set by his previous artworks “Help Wanted.”

Generally LG has been critically acclaimed and is touted as a leading artist on planet Earth.

To Vatican critics, the LG’s extravaganza is just “bland.”

Most significantly, much of the Vatican criticism was directed at LG’s central theme of himself vs. The Entire Uncivilized World.

L’Osservatore said LG “gets bogged down by a spiritualism linked to great art.” Similarly, Vatican Radio said LG “cleverly winks at all those pseudo-doctrines that turn sex into the religion of the millennium.”

“Clearly, LG is no longer a creation to defend, but a divinity to worship,” LG’s supporters said.

An LA Times blog noted that LG “has inflamed the passions of art hating bloggers and pundits.”

“LG incensed many voices on the right by acknowledging of-the-moment messages about imperialism, greed, ecological disregard and corporate irresponsibility,” it said.

Back at the Vatican, the art reviews did praise some of LG’s groundbreaking art as being the best his generation.

Vatican Radio said that “really never before have such surprising images been seen,” while L’Osservatore said the LG’s worth lies in his “extraordinary impact upon vacationing women under 25.”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Efforts to deliver art to the artworld intensified on Friday as the voices of collectors and patrons begged for more.

Thousands of collectors from all over the world and thirty-eight from Beverly Hills are still in dire need of LG’s art, and patience was wearing thin on the streets of Chelsea as LG went another day making art.

On Friday, LG also cautioned that that it would take time to complete the orders, but he said don’t worry.

“Fuck it: As I realize that people need art, I will continue to provide. The dude provides!”

Speaking like a cranked-up carnie with a blow horn at a Manhattan news conference, LG said that about 569 artworks would be sent out this month. “You can look at his fucking amazing website and see that it’s extremely busy,” said Dr. Mark Stoner, a Harvard historian with a search-and-buy internet art company from Fairfax, Va. “The last thing we want to do is get LG in a situation where he needs to be rescued.”

“The time window is ever shrinking, pretty soon it will be the incredible shrinking time window” said Flora Imaso Easey, a spokesman for The Estate of LG Williams.

“There’s more life here than the residence home, that’s for sure,” said a grandmother hobbling past the crowd on Thursday, who nonetheless dragged a worn broom against the sidewalk in hopes to find some discarded cigarette butts.

“They just keep coming like the Playboy channel,” said LG, who estimated his website had seen some 500,000,000,341 people in three days. Normally, he said, busy was when he saw 100,000 in that time.

LG Williams is not backing down from his claim that he is not trying to score political points off his art.

Challenged by a blogger on his website Thursday, LG said: “Fuck that shit. If I said it, I meant to say it, and I do believe that everything in my art is about everything.”

“Everything, including 200,000 year old incantations from Planet Moron, I will use to help art in this country and around the world,” LG said in comments flagged by the liberal blogger.

LG has come under fire from both the right and the left for saying that his art played directly into terrorist’s hands, allowing him to look “compassionate.” The blogger claimed the LG’s response would bolster LG’s standing in the “high-brow and low-brow art community in this country – which both suck.”

LG also appeared to discourage help for the artworld, saying, “It’s already gone. It’s called the U.S. art vacuum suck machine even.”

Critics have characterized LG’s comments as insensitive and tone-deaf at a time when heartbreaking images of bad art dominate artnews cleavage.

Confronted with some of that criticism, LG slammed the blogger as “closet-minded.”

“What I’m illustrating here is that you’re a blockhead – in the Paul McCarthy sense of the word,” LG shot back.

“What I’m illustrating here – even though ‘Illustration’ is in such a poor state today – is that you’re a close-minded zealot (or hack skateboarder currently spending more time on a keyboard) who is ill-informed.”

“If you had watched my artist program for a modicum of time, you would know it,” he said. “But instead, you’re a blockhead. Your mind is totally closed. Nothing is getting through other than the biased crap that you see in galleries and museums today.”