Main menu

Finally! It all makes sense!!!

After a good, long run, we have decided to close our forums in an effort to refocus attention to other sections of the site. Fortunately for you all, we're living in a time where discussion of a favorite topic now has a lot of homes. So we encourage you all to bring your ravenous love for discussion to Chuck's official Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. And, as always, you can still post comments on all News updates. Thank you for your loyalty and passion over the years. These changes will happen June 1.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

i worked with a lady who wanted a 3' giraffe for a pet; she told me this and something else. at a garage sale i found a painting of a 3" giraffe (only fifty cent). it looked like a fetus with shiny purple blood membranes for skin, a time before fur obviously. it was trying to eat the flowers off twigs of flowering dogwood. i had some change, so i bought it. when i tried to give it to her, she said i should keep it to remember her by.

Hey, look at the name, he/she is Razor sharp. And really seems to have some sort of vendetta against you.

Why?

He, btw.

If you want an explanation: The link was ignorant. Not only does it fail to simplify a very complex issue, but it also fails to distinguish the difference between distributive justice and government structures. A dictatorship can be socialist, a democracy can be socialist. A dictatorship can be capitalist, a democracy can be capitalist. They completely misuse the word 'bureaucracy' also. It's black and white thinking which may be good for a couple of laughs, but should never be used for education. Hence, if anyone believed that the link has taught them anything, it's unfortunate.

I was going to include, as part of my explanation, that the link wasn't funny. But I thought that went without saying. It's like if I were to make a joke analogy detailing quantum physics, which I only understand on the most elementary level.

Important Disclaimer: Although this is Chuck Palahniuk’s official website, we are in essence, more an official ‘fansite.’ Chuck Palahniuk himself does not own nor run this website. Nor did he create it. It was started by Dennis Widmyer, who is the webmaster and editor of most of the content. Chuck Palahniuk himself should not be held accountable nor liable for any of the content posted on this website. The opinions expressed in the news updates, content pages and message boards are not the opinions of Chuck Palahniuk nor his publishers. If you are trying to contact Chuck Palahniuk, sending emails to this website will not get you there. You should instead, take the more professional route of contacting his publicist at Doubleday.