The Total Recall remake has a trailer. Still no three-boobed hookers.

Total Recall was originally released in 1990, introducing a nation of impressionable young boys to malformed siamese twins and three-titted hookers. Based on the Philip K. Dick short story “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale,” Sony has made a new version, which promises to remember it for you for about 11 bucks. Totes Recall, as I like to call it, was directed by Live Free or Die Hard‘s Len Wiseman, and stars Colin Farrell, Bryan Cranston, Kate Beckinsale, and Jessica Biel. Among the most egregious blasphemies are that it’s supposedly going to be PG-13, and will be set entirely on Earth now. But on the plus side, at least it’s not shaky cam.

Wait, was that a guy moving holographic images around with his hands???

MY GOSH, I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT IN A FUTURISTIC ACTION MOVIE BEFORE! As it turns out, you know what’s even easier than moving holograms around with your hand? Clicking a little button with your finger. Check it out, I can watch four different stump porn videos AT THE SAME TIME! BWYEAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHAA. The future is now, friends.