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Sunday, September 8, 2013

Marriage is Optional for Christians

There is tremendous
pressure on Christian males to marry. Some suggest Christian men have
an obligation to marry, and that those who don't are falling short of
God's plan. Widespread in Christian culture is a feeling that there
is something wrong with a man that doesn't marry, as is evidenced by
this quote from a book endorsed by the Southern Baptist Convention
leadership:

Christian tradition has never validated
wholesale singleness. To the contrary, virtually all of our Christian
forefathers regarded protracted singleness as unbiblical and believed
that young adults were under a divine duty to marry without undue
delay. (Getting Serious About Getting Married by Debbie Maken)

The Jews of Biblical
times had the same attitude, and it was influencing the early church
to the point that Paul had to address the issue head on.

7Yet I wish that
all men were like me. However each man has his own gift from God, one
of this kind, and another of that kind. 8 But I say to the
unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I
am. 9 But if they don’t have self-control, let them
marry. For it’s better to marry than to burn. (1Co 7:7-9 WEB)

25 Now concerning virgins, I
have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who
has obtained mercy from the Lord to be trustworthy. 26 I
think that it is good therefore, because of the distress that is on
us, that it is good for a man to be as he is. 27 Are you
bound to a wife? Don’t seek to be freed. Are you free from a
wife? Don’t seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you
have not sinned. If a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such
will have oppression in the flesh, and I want to spare you. 29
But I say this, brothers: the time is short, that from now on,
both those who have wives may be as though they had none; 30 and
those who weep, as though they didn’t weep; and those who
rejoice, as though they didn’t rejoice; and those who buy, as
though they didn’t possess; 31 and those who use the
world, as not using it to the fullest. For the mode of this world
passes away. 32 But I desire to have you to be free from
cares. He who is unmarried is concerned for the things of the Lord,
how he may please the Lord; 33 but he who is married is
concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is also a difference between a wife and a virgin.
The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may
be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares
about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.
35 This I say for your own profit; not that I may ensnare
you, but for that which is appropriate, and that you may attend to
the Lord without distraction.

36 But if any man thinks that
he is behaving inappropriately toward his virgin, if she is past the
flower of her age, and if need so requires, let him do what he
desires. He doesn’t sin. Let them marry. 37 But he
who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power
over his own heart, to keep his own virgin, does well. 38 So
then both he who gives his own virgin in marriage does well, and he
who doesn’t give her in marriage does better.

39 A wife is bound
by law for as long as her husband lives; but if the husband is dead,
she is free to be married to whomever she desires, only in the Lord.
40 But she is happier if she stays as she is, in my
judgment, and I think that I also have God’s Spirit. (1Co
7:25-40 WEB)

Paul's advice is
predicated on the idea that sex outside of marriage is a sin
(something that is still true today, despite the normalization of
fornication in modern society). His advice can be broken down to:

It is better to
remain single than to marry

If you can't
resist sexual temptation, then it is better to marry than to commit
fornication

The reasons Paul
gives for remaining unmarried are (1) each man has his own spiritual
gifts, and (2) these gifts can be best utilized to serve God when the
man is unmarried. Paul's reasoning is summed up by the following
verses from the above text:

However
each man has his own gift from God, one of this kind, and another of
that kind...He who is unmarried is concerned for the things of the
Lord, how he may please the Lord; but he who is married
is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his
wife...This I say for your own profit; not that I may ensnare you,
but for that which is appropriate, and that you may attend to the
Lord without distraction. (1Co 7:7, 32-33, 35 WEB)

Compare that to the advice of modern Christianity:

In the Bible, a man is called to fulfill
his role as husband and father...the role of husband and father is
central to manhood. Boys must be raised to see themselves as future
husbands and fathers. (From Boy to Man—the Marks of Manhood
by Albert Mohler, president Southern Baptist Theological Seminary)

The above quote is so at odds with the apostle
Paul that it's shocking. Nowhere in the Bible are men universally
called to be husbands and fathers. The closest you can come is the
statement in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful, and multiply.”
The next time someone tries to twist your arm with Genesis, ask about
their stand on birth control; the pill, condoms, and even the rhythm
method are at odds with Genesis 1:28. The truth is, those that say
marriage is mandatory for Christian men are displaying a cultural
bias, not a Biblical one; they are bending to the will of the world.

Paul's message is clear. Marriage is an option for
Christians—not a requirement, not a duty, and not an
obligation. For some it's the right option; for others it's the wrong
one. Don't let anyone pressure you into marriage by suggesting you
are being disobedient to God by remaining single. Both marriage and
singleness are supported by scripture. The choice is yours to make.
Make that choice for the right reasons.

2 comments:

I'm a single 34-year-old Christian man who's been blessed by God with a lot of money and what I suspect is an unusually strong grip on his desires. Those things, along with my looking into the effect that Feminism has had on our courts and culture, make eternal bachelorhood seem kinda nice.