A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Month: August 2014

This is going to be short but sweet because I’m supposed to be asleep right now. Not that my parents are going to tell on me ha– but that I have a big day tomorrow.

Going through so much with the divorce that most of the time, I don’t like to think about too many things at once. There’s too much hurt, logistics, and crap to push through. With that said however, I found an old letter today when I was looking through some of my receipts and information. The letter was from someone who hated me at the time, and still does. I remember getting that letter just 3.5 years ago and recalled how I felt. Stunned. Annoyed. Upset. Not surprised. Hurt.

And I asked myself, “Why the hell am I still keeping this?” Why am I holding onto something that serves me no purpose? Why, so I could show it to myself years later and say, “Oh yeah, that person really did hate me didn’t he/she?”

There is nothing to gain by holding onto that kind of hurt and anger. There is nothing to gain by reminding myself that there is someone in this world who doesn’t get me, like me, or even want to understand me.

So I ripped up the letter and threw it in the trash.

It will never get better, but I also don’t have to hold onto the reminders of how bad it is.

If marriage is an institution, then divorce is the psychiatric hospital division. Even though it could be amicable and friendly, it’s still painful. You’re essentially ripping you and your family’s life into bits and pieces, and then seeing who gets what of those “pieces.”

Everyone responds differently to a divorce. Some people have a crisis and start going on drinking benders. Others seem calmly collected as if nothing is happening to them. Some people start eating a lot of chocolate and watching bad television.

For the record, I don’t watch tv. I might have a bad chocolate habit though.

The other night as I was texting back and forth with my super hip dad whose age shall not be revealed ha, he shared this gem for me:

“The Secret to Marriage is Accepting That Person’s Flaws Without Fail. Accepting the Person as is.”

And he went on to tell me how someone would accept me for all of my kookiness and glory, rather than wanting me to be someone different because as he said, “No One is Perfect.”

To me this doesn’t mean letting someone be mean to you or treat you like garbage, but instead it means accepting the person as is and not asking him or her to become someone entirely different so you can love him/her more. If you don’t love someone for who he/she is at that very moment you are about to walk down the aisle, it’s not love. If you don’t like the person’s flaws, money habits, demeanor, appearance, or life goals, you won’t be able to change the person, so walk away.

This also means that the grass is not greener on the other side. You can try to have affairs but the fact is, your affair will also have flaws. No one is the ideal. Someone is just ideal enough for you. All the bad things your partner has is probably much less than all the great things he or she brings to the table. Appreciate it. The girl next door with the great rack or the guy who makes 300K has issues too, and most of them you wouldn’t want to deal with anyway.

How do you know this? Perhaps he or she already has a new beau, or maybe an online dating profile. Whether your ex has started a serious spark or just a few flings, here is my take on what you should do when you have found out that your ex has moved on.

Intimacy doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it last simply by adopting or having someone adopt your last name. If you want to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship–because let’s be honest–plenty of lasting relationships aren’t all that fulfilling, — try these easy, free, or cheap ways to foster intimacy here and share with your friends!

Technically there are certain characteristics that a person must have biologically to qualify as male. Some folks may lack these but still feel they’re a man. And in that case, kudos to you– I support people who embody all different definitions of gender and gender performance.

However, I feel that there are certain personality traits and behaviors that define if a man is a man or not. Again, some of my male fans ( Love you boos) have complained that I haven’t called women out on enough of their garbage, but I deal with men in a different way than I do with women. I know full well that people are both good and bad regardless of gender, but with that disclaimer said, here are the things I use in my mind to define if a man is a man, or merely a boy.

I think it sounds all so easy. You meet someone, feel all tingly and nervous when he/she is around you. If you’re like me, you talk a mile a minute, and then subsequently, clam up because you know you’ve been yammering.

You get sexually excited. Maybe you imagine carving your initials into a tree together.

That my friends, is simply oxytocin. The love hormone. The chemical in your brain that makes you so crazy that you decide to take a chance on a mutha f#*ker.