Embarrassed

I have an embarrassing problem.
I am 22 years old and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and until 2 weeks ago everything was fine but now I am too embarrassed to face his friends.
We had been dating for about a month before we slept together and it was then that my boyfriend told me he didn't want me to wear underwear when we were together.
I was on a high so I didn't wear any the next couple of times we went out but I dont think you could really tell because of the clothes I wore. I loved the attention he gave me when I went without but it wasn't long before he started making requests on what he wanted me to wear and if I wasnt wearing what he wanted he would make me go inside and change. To be fair the clothes he would pick were ones I used to wear when we first started going out but I felt quite self concious wearing some of the oufits with no underwear and sometimes it was obvious I was not wearing a bra. I had become comfortable with my new look and despite the fact some people may have thought I was braless but even with my short skirts no could tell I wasnt wearing panties.....at least I thought!!
It all came undone 2 weeks ago when my I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and 3 of his mates and their girlfriends. We had finished our meal and the guys were outside having a smoke while us girls were at the table drinking an talking when one of them remarked that I had obviously found out that Marc (my boyfriend) didn't like his girlfriends wearing underwear?
When I asked what she meant by that she told me that his previous girfriend had confided in them that she was not allowed to wear underwear and had to be bald down there as well and they had noticed I was braless and also knew that Marc was very strict about it with his ex.
I'm sure my face went red and I had knots in my stomach when I heard this although I should have realised he had probably done this before but the fact that all of them had known I was naked everytime we went out has really freaked me out and now I don't know if I can face them again let alone be comfortable!!!!
I need help.

Don't be ashamed!

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November 18 2001, 3:33 PM

Tina ---

If Marc's friends girlfriends were talking about the fact that Marc's ex, was also "required" to go without, then they must have been intrigued. You know how guys are, if Marc was able to convince you, and the previous girl, not to wear underwear, you can bet his buddies also made the same request to their girlfriends. The girl who made the remark about you being underwearless, may have very well been naked beneath her clothes herself, or they may have been wanting to try going without and felt a little self concious about it and needed some reassurance from you. Do go out with them again. Hold your head up. What you are or aren't wearing underneath your clothes is none of their business. If the subject comes up again, tell them how wonderfully free you feel when you're not wearing underwear, and make them think that you're confiding in them, and tell them how it spices up your relationship with Marc. I betcha if any of them are wearing underwear, they'll soon be going without!

Caution

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November 20 2001, 12:52 AM

I see two different issues here. What you wear- or don't wear under your clothes is your business, and you have no apologies to make. On the other hand, it should be YOUR choice, not a dictate from your boyfriend. I'm concern your BF is a control freak which is hardly an admirable attribute, and one that often associated with abusive relationships. Please give this serious consideration.

a few more thoughts for you....

Tina, I am sorry my earlier response was so short; I looked at the forum for a few short minutes this morning before setting off for work.

I want to be analytical about this situation:

'Marc' seems to be a relationship bully. He seems to treat women as sexual playthings. When he insists on you wearing no bra or panties on dates, he is making you seem more sexually available to him. That is wrong.

This could get out of control. I think you should seriously consider putting a proportion of your underwear in a safe place where Marc can't find it.

Look Tina, if you find it physically more comfortable to go without underwear that is good FOR YOU. But you have got to stop letting this man dictate to you. A man who genuinely loves and cares for the woman in his life does not behave like Marc.

Personally, I think you should tell Marc the relationship is over. Maybe he was in the school football team; but 'jocks' are often not the best emotional partners in the world.

PLease Tina, look after yourself. I have been genuinely worried (over here in England) about you all day.

Thanks for your replies.

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November 23 2001, 9:05 AM

Hi guys thanks for your concern.
Sorry for not responding earlier but I am using my sisters computer (I dont have one) and I usually only go there on weekends.
I spoke with my sister about this and I read your replies (I really am so glad I found this site)and I feel a lot better about myself now. My sister said she had noticed I had been braless a few times and suspected that I did it for Marc. She told me she really likes Marc and so long as the two of us are happy then I shouldn't worry about what other people think. I really had gotten used to going without and I like the fact that he spends the time to pick what he wants to wear, hell sometimes I can't even decide what to wear and he really does have good fashion sense for a guy.
We have decided not to hang out with his friends this weekend instead we are going to dinner tomorrow night and then to see a movie.
I said that maybe we could all get together next weekend and do something and he said it's up to me and we will take it as it comes.
We have only been together 5 months and I read your concerns about him taking control over my life so I am wary but as yet except for the clothes/underwear thing he hasn't really asked much of me at all, but I'll keep you informed of what happens over the next few weeks.

Marc's underwear

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November 23 2001, 7:29 PM

Does Marc wear underwear? If he doesn't, maybe he just wants you to be like him. I wish, my significant other and I could share, not wearing underwear, but he thinks not wearing underwear is "nasty". He may not be trying to control you, just wants you to be like minded.

Everything working out?

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December 9 2001, 10:02 PM

You haven't posted in a couple of weeks, so we are hoping all is going well. You didnt respond to whether or not marc wears underwear so here is a suggestion, If he wears underwear, you could suggest that he not wear it on your next date, or suggest that he wear something you like or find sexy on him. Turnabout is fair play and you should enjoy doing things with and for each other. If he flat-out refuses than I would be very cautious around him.