When you willingly choose Flo Rida as your stage name, you are just opening your arms wide and embracing the spirit of fresh foolery. It’s like letting fuckery put its open palm on your forehead and bless you.

Radar reports that Flo Rida (real name: Tramar Dillard) sang “clink can’t handle me right now” all the way to the police station in Miami early this morning after he was caught driving his $1.7 million Bugatti while under the influence of the sweet nectar.

Anybody who isn’t tanked themselves can look at Flo Rida’s mug shot and know that he’s drunk from the bottom up, so the police breathalyzed his ass a quick minute after they pulled him over.

Flo Rida tried to convince the cops that he could drive himself home, but it was game over as soon as he blew a .185%. It was double game over when the cops found out that his drivers license was taken away last month. Flo Rida has since paid his $2,000 bail and was released.

Dr. Obvious says that if you can afford payments on a $1.7 million car, then you can afford to take a cab home. This drunk ass motherfucker with fetus toes for earlobes, I can’t. I’ve always said that fools who paint on their hairlines and geometry test beards with a protractor and a black marker (not a Sharpie) are no good.

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