Friday, September 24, 2010

How I Became A Professional Mountain Biker

Notice I left 'Racer' off the title. We been trying to get our ISO 9000 certificationat work. It turns out the auditor is an avid mountainbiker. He's from the midwest where the the biggest hills are highway overpasses and the biggest excuse for technical single track is weaving around a loamy pine forest. Well, when he found out I was bike racer, he asked if I had a spare bike and could show him some interesting local trails. Not that we have anything close to work that qualifies as world cup, but we do have a chunk of conservation land with two 100' hills, and a section of mostly singletrack, alternately rocky and rooty, smooth and swoopy. Toss in a few stone wall crossings and you have a recipe for a fun fast ride - unless you're a mountainbiker from the midwest.

We were out for about an hour, and the guy couldn't stop raving about the trails, "Real Trails" as he called them. I spent as much time waiting for him as I did actually riding, but he's a personable guy so we were able to chat during the ride - in between his gasps for air.

Here's the best part - I got paid for it. My boss told me to charge the time to the certification project.

So yes, I got paid - as part of my job - to go mountainbiking. Therefore, I am, by definition, a professional mountain biker:Noun

Such Silliness

lifeistoofuckeduptotakeseriously

Welcome to the Blog Of Zencycle, the fantastic new super hero of the current economic slump.
Now, some folks say he looked like Rudy Giuliani
Some others say, 'bullshit, man, He's just another greasy guy who happened to be born in the basement of The Captain's Lounge in Revere, right beside the autographed copies of the Kinsey Reports in the bathroom where Paris flushed away her stash but the cops got her anyways'.
Still others say, 'Piss on you, Jack! He's just a crazy Mick who rode a black mountain bike'.
You see, no one really knows for sure
Because
He is so, He is so, he is so!
Mystery-uuuus!
He is so, He is so, he is so!
Mysterious!
Some men say he could ride
Some men say he could swim
Others say he could sing like Freddie Mercury,
And all the girls in Brockton are amazed by him!
Ladies and Gentlemen: THE ZENCYCLING COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Tyler Hamilton, hit it!
“Let me tell you brother, it doesn't mean thing, if you haven't got the ability to SPIN!”
Consider this rumor, published three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE (Oh, it's gotta be true!):
Zencycle can write the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin!
YOU DON'T SAY!?!?
(I'm so hip!)