The guests reportedly wondered how centuries of scholars hadn’t come to such a simple conclusion sooner. Following a beer-infused dinner conversation at local man Mark Wallace’s favorite restaurant, all five attendees reported that the answer to...

Jacobsen said he initially believed he wanted to be a bard, but his parents convinced him that serfdom was a much more stable career. Reveling in the opportunity to till the crops for his social betters, local peasant Merek Jacobsen has been awarded...

The Rhinoceros sondaicus have reportedly decided to go out on their own terms. The few remaining members of the critically endangered species Rhinoceros Sondaicus, the Javan Rhinoceros, have decided to simply “get it over with” instead of...

Stating that he “can’t find anything in that big ol’ mess,” ex-Syrian rebel fighter Aqbar Ahmed Mogdadi has issued a proclamation that he will spend the entire weekend cleaning out his backyard shed now that a ceasefire had been declared.

The result of a six-month dig in a collection of Sumerian ruins in northern Iraq, University of Michigan archaeologists uncovered a perfectly intact and wholly unremarkable piece of pottery in the ruins of an edifice inhabited by ancient villagers....

Appearing more excited by his own findings as the press conference wore on, NASA Scientist Joshua Alwood announced the possibility of an Earthlike “Goldilocks” planet capable of sustaining human life, conceding that he may still just be...