… but I'd still be friends with me.

Revisiting As If.

Tonight, I did a speed workout that consisted of three continuous-run miles with three-minute breaks in between each.

One of my coach friends ran with me and another friend, encouraging us along the way. She remarked, “You look like you’ve gotten stronger.”

“Have I?” I said.

“Yeah with continuous running… you just seem better.”

“Oh, I have no way of really knowing,” I said. “And believe me, I’m only running continuously because I have to.”

“Well,” she said, “then you have to all the time.”

The words really struck me, not only because they were inspiring me at that time, but it made me think of acting “as if.” If you’re feeling particularly lost or downtrodden, acting as if the scenario is different may just pull you out and into a new one.

And I thought of how, on numerous occasions, my moods go up and down like a seesaw. And how I’m never really sure of myself. And how I think a lot on how to be “better,” but I never feel as if I get there because I’m constantly second-guessing my abilities.

It’s not just running. It’s my life, my work, the friendships I’m making or have made, and how I question those: “Do these people really want to interact with me, or do they just feel sorry for me? Am I good enough at this? Am I trying or just being lazy?”

But, if you pretend like your life is already where you want it to be (provided you’re smart about it… don’t, for example, spend money you don’t have because you wish to be a millionaire), maybe you’ll wake up one day and it’ll be exactly how you pictured. Maybe one day you’ll feel confident and smart and happy and trusting.

Maybe once, you’ll run a continuous 10:46 mile because you just kept telling yourself to keep moving (my accomplishment tonight)!