I always envisioned happy times around the dinner table, sharing meals and swapping stories with my family at the end of a long day. That was before I had kids.

I’ll be honest: Mealtimes in my house, on those nights that we all actually manage to eat together, are often a struggle. At any given point in our happy family meal, somebody will be complaining about the “green stuff” on their plate or spilling their milk or having to go pee or clanging their cutlery together or attempting to escape or hitting the person next to them or dropping mashed potatoes on the floor or just plain old whining and crying. I’m up and down from the table a dozen times just trying to control the chaos. It’s exhausting.

A new BabyCenter survey reveals that versions of this same scenario are playing out in countless other homes as well. Over half of the more than 1,000 BabyCenter moms who took part admitted that mealtimes are a challenge, with 3 in 5 adding that they worry about their kids’ eating habits and nutrition.

The biggest complaints? Picky eaters rank right up there. The majority of moms – particularly those with preschoolers – list that among their top frustrations. Constant dinnertime distractions are another common concern. “I dread dinnertime!” vented one busy mama. “It’s the worst part of my day. My 10-month-old eats like a dream, as does my 6-year-old, but my 3-year-old is a constant battle.”

Getting kids to eat healthy seems to be a constant battle as well, with increasing numbers of moms resorting to bribery – usually the promise of a post-meal treat – in order to get all the food groups in. There is hope, though! Many been-there-done-that moms offered up their own tips and tricks for surviving family meals. Here are a few that may help the rest of us…

Are dinners a challenge for you? Do you have any tips to pass along when it comes to kids and eating?

Sometimes dinner can be tough but mostly the part that is difficult for me is cooking it with a 2 year old who attached to my hip at all times and not by choice. Lately I have tried different things like letting her watch me cook on a stool nearby giving her measuring cups to play with nearby or even just having her help me. As far as eating I haven’t had that much trouble getting her to eat what I make she will eat pretty much anything and I’m assuming its because I keep trying the foods she has dismissed in the past. She may refuse it at first but eventually she ends up eating it. She sometimes asks for things I don’t want her having like a cupcake before dinner and I will just say we don’t eat cupcakes before dinner, how about an apple instead. It’s been working so far I can only hope it continues.

livvysays:

May 6, 2013 at 1:48 pm

Great tips! I would add to never use food as a reward.

Kirstensays:

May 6, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Our biggest issues at dinner time revolve around table manners. I’m lucky in that my kids both eat pretty much everything, and know that they have to at least try the food on their plate before they can be “done”. But I am just over reminding them 10,000,000 times to sit with their feet in front of them, not kneeling, not kicking me, not running around the room after the cat, please use your fork, don’t poke your sister with your fork, don’t lick the spill off the table, please use a napkin instead of your shirt, and on and on and on. Over it.

Carasays:

May 6, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Those are great tips and the cutest pictures. Thanks for this.

koolchickensays:

May 6, 2013 at 8:09 pm

When I was growing up I was expected to be in clean clothes, with my hands and face washed, and my hair pulled back. Toys and other distractions were not allowed. As very young children we were allowed to leave the table once “meal times” were over. The food was left on the table for us to pick at for about an hour afterwards but we had to stay seated during the meal. If you insisted on getting up then dinner (or whatever) was over and there’d be nothing until the next meal. No snacks, no dessert, no extra juice/milk.

If you’re having problems getting your kid to eat spend a couple of days doing a food journal for your them. I bet you’ll find there’s a lot of snacking and drinking going on. Offer nothing but water in between meals and cut out extra snacks, I’ll bet you’ll find hungry children come dinner. Also, dessert should not be part of every dinner, a lot of kids will hold out for that. Dessert should be a once or twice a week treat, not an everyday thing.

The best sauce for food is hunger.
– Socrates

Danny's Mommasays:

May 7, 2013 at 4:38 am

I think the thing I hate most is when I go all out and make a nutricious and delicious dinner all from scratch, only to have the hubby tell me he’s not really hungry and the 5 year old to proclaim “I’m not eating THAT.” Luckily it doesn’t happen ALL the time.

We have a 1 bite rule for our son. He must eat one bite of everything on his plate. He is not allowed to say something is yucky or gross until he tries it. If he tries it and doesn’t like it, fine, he doesn’t have to eat it but he still needs to try it again next time I serve it. I also try to serve at least one thing I know he loves so if nothing else he’ll eat that. He also needs to stay at the table until everyone is done eating and he can’t complain. If any of the rules are broken he has to sit in time out until dinner is over. Luckily it never gets that far though.

I refuse to force him to finish everything on his plate or make him eat more than one bite per meal of anything he really does not like. I remember being a kid, forcing myself to eat everything on my plate, gagging the entire time because I would be in a LOT of trouble if I didn’t eat it all. I also remember sitting at the table for hours staring at my plate of food because I didn’t want to finish it and wasn’t allowed to get up until I did. I refuse to put my kid through that.

To have dinner with family is always exciting and nice.All family members on single table have dinner and enjoy chit chat too.

HappyHippiesays:

May 7, 2013 at 7:00 am

We have a “one bite for every year you are old” rule, only have fruit for dessert, and feed the kids what we are eating. If they don’t like it or don’t eat it, then they get to be hungry until the next meal. It may sound harsh, but it only takes one or two skipped meals for them to get it – and it’s not going to kill them to skip a meal or two. Also, they have to ask to be excused from the table and cannot have toys or books at the table. Table time is talking time, and it’s a great way to catch up with them and teach them the fine art of dinner conversation.

While we do still have the occasional mealtime meltdown, most meals are peaceful and fun. It helps that our kids have gotten a bit older – 5 and 2.

Set firm expectations for your kids, stick to them, and follow the rules yourself (leave your phone in another room!) and you will be surprised at what your kids can do.

Carolyn Robertsonsays:

May 7, 2013 at 8:23 am

“I think the thing I hate most is when I go all out and make a nutricious and delicious dinner all from scratch, only to have the hubby tell me he’s not really hungry and the 5 year old to proclaim “I’m not eating THAT.” ”

Danny’s Momma – I still distinctly remember this driving my own mom crazy, and now I know why! It’s SO frustrating!!

momoftwosays:

May 7, 2013 at 10:04 am

I used to dread meals, but my kids (5 and 6) are older now so maybe it’s easier because of that. We play games at dinner (not actual board games or anything that involves extra items on the table) – check out Laurie Gelman’s post, she has a good idea for a game. It keeps dinner fun and there are rules – like everyone has to take 3 bites before we start, nobody can stand up during the meal, etc. We all end up laughing and having a good time which is what mealtime with the family is supposed to be about, no? We never did this in my family as kids and I don’t think my husband did either. Meals were so formal, excruciatingly painful and all about eating this or that on our plates. We’ve taken the focus away from the food and on to the family time together. My husband’s family had the horrible habit of watching t.v. while they ate. I think we’ve probably improved on our childhood dinners. But, then again, the kids are little and everything changes all the time!

koolchickensays:

May 7, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Danny’s Momma and HappyHippie, want to come live with me? I swear, I really am nice.

I was hesitant to post on this one, because I’m okay with “starving” a kid and that usually sets people off. But I figured I’m not changing my views to make others happy. I really do think meal times are too hyped up in our society. If they weren’t there wouldn’t be articles like this. People need family time, and families need to eat together. If it weren’t so important they wouldn’t do studies on it. And those studies wouldn’t all say it is really important if it wasn’t.

All I can think of when I read these articles is children in other countries are starving, heck they’re starving in this country. If you’re lucky enough to have food you should be grateful and eat it. Also, many children in this country will never know true starvation, there will always be something. So to have your kid go without is not cruel, your actually doing them a favor. Picky children don’t exist in starving countries, just in places where there’s abundance.

Make them try everything, and have them go without if they’re unwilling. If you approach your meal with enthusiasm and gratitude your child will follow suit. Come to the table radiating anxiety, and your kid’s going to fight. Children are blank slates, they know what we teach them. Veggies are no different than meat or fruit or grains, they’re just another kind of food until someone, somewhere, tells them it’s “yucky”. Sure texture and color plays a part of it, but so much of it is learned behavior.

Katiesays:

May 8, 2013 at 7:18 pm

I have a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old, and my rule about mealtimes is “It’s the parent’s job to prepare a healthy meal, but it’s the kid’s job to eat it.” If they don’t eat it, then they aren’t hungry enough to need it. A couple of things that make this work in our family.

1. Breakfast and lunch are kid centered meals. We fix healthy stuff we know they will eat. I dont’ stress on veggies at lunch, but we eat lots of fruit.

2. There are usually three different dishes prepared for dinner (my go to combo is grill, green, grain: protein, usually on the grill; a vegetable, often green; and some kind of carbohydrate like pasta or mashed potatoes). I make sure that there is something on each kid’s plate that they will like, but I dont’ make special kid’s dinners. I am not a short order cook. When dinner is one big dish (like stir fry day) we keep some things, like meat, separate to be more kid friendly.

3. Before age 2, I dont’ worry about forcing them to try new foods. Something from each dish served is placed on their plate, but I don’t care if it ends up on their face, in their mouth, or on the floor. We encourage them to eat it, but if not, oh well.

4. When the child turns 2, they don’t have to eat the food but it has to stay on their plate. (We repeat constantly “You don’t have to eat it, but it has to stay on your plate”) They also have to kiss it good-bye at the end of the meal. That way they experience “yucky” foods, but not in an unpleasant manner.

5. When the child turns 3, they now have to try each item on their plate. This means they have to put a tiny piece in their mouth (we start offering a normal bite sized piece, and when they balk, cutting off a tiny piece is our version of a compromise), and crunch it three times. If they still don’t like it, they can spit it out. We will work on table manners later. This way there is always an out. If a food is distasteful, at least it will be over soon! There is very little fighting in our house about trying new stuff, because it is over very quickly.

6. When a child turns 4, they will have to try, and swallow, at least 1 bite of everything on their plate. We still plan to compromise with cutting stuff into tiny pieces. Not sure what we will do at 5 and beyond.

7. They dont’ get seconds on the food they like until they have tried all of the “offending” foods. Thirds and more require additional food tasting.

8. If they don’t eat anything, I don’t care. I know they have already eaten two good meals that day, and our pediatrician told us that kids’ caloric needs vary greatly from day to day. So if they aren’t hungry, I don’t make them eat. The days that they don’t eat much dinner, they rarely complain of hunger later that night.

Amysays:

August 4, 2013 at 8:08 am

We eat dinner every night promptly at 6:00 PM. We eat as a family-all five of us. My daughters are ages 10, 8, and 3 and they’ve never complained about what’s on their plate. We all eat the same thing. Mealtime is a time for enjoyment and conversation so why ruin it?

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