Tuesday, February 1, 2011

During a recent conversation with a friend, I am reminded of a comment that another friend of mine made a couple years back in reference to someone who had a habit of chasing pretty boys that were all cast from the same mold and who did not reciprocate her affections. This other friend was not a conventional beauty and most people would probably consider her on the fair side of average. The comment "she should just fish in her own pond" was both superficial and profound at the same time.

On the surface, some may think that comment unfair and catty. I mostly agree with that sentiment but can't help thinking there is a thread of truth to it. Human beings will often judge first on external appearances and draw incorrect conclusions simply because we are programmed to believe that we see it, therefore it must be true. An example would be my prior relationship with a man who was about 5 inches shorter than I (I'm 5'9"). The relationship ended due to other factors that had nothing to do with difference in stature. However, come to find out later that another friend of mine was routinely going around and making comments to other people in my circle: "How does THAT work?" (Need some Meow Mix, Fluffy?!) How that "worked" was completely moot and not relevant. In his mind, the two pieces of the puzzle were not physically compatible and therefore could not work out in the long-term.

The same principle holds true for people involved in a seemingly mismatched relationship. If the so-called "weaker party" does not have a strong sense of self, they may be inclined to consciously or subconsciously sabotage the relationship in order to avoid the potential embarrassment of being judged by others. In any relationship, it takes two to tango; if both parties are not completely onboard the boat to relationship bliss, there is a risk they will sink into the abyss. (HEY! That rhymes!)

With respect to fishing in one's own pond, I personally feel that can be limiting and potentially unsatisfying. My friend is always telling me I need to open myself up for the possibility of love. That doesn't mean that if the homeless guy on the corner hits on me, I need to take him up on his offer. The way I interpret that is when someone is presented to you by the cosmos as a possible love interest, you should just jump in feet first with arms wide open, embracing the possibility. Cast your net wide…you never know what you are going to pull in – an old smelly boot or a rare yet beautiful specimen.