God will find the right boyfriend.

This idea [that god will save you for someone special] will lead people to define themselves based on their relationship(s) and could lead them to believe the next guy who comes along is “god given” even if he ends up being an abusive jerk.

God does not exist. God doesn’t look at you. God doesn’t save you for someone special. Relationships are much harder and more complex than that.

I don’t want to minimize the pain people feel when lonely and unattached. Being single sucks when you have an aversion to being single. I’ve been there. I know we like to believe that there is someone out there for everyone. For the non-monogamous, there are maybe even “someones” out there. We like to believe while we are single that the right person will come along and fix it all for us.

Yet, there isn’t someone out there for everyone. Some people, owing to certain personality or other factors, are incompatible with relationships. I wish and wish that this weren’t so. But it is so, and pretending otherwise can lead to people feeling broken, as if their relationship – or lack therof – speaks to their value as a human being.

You are valuable all by yourself.

People define themselves by their relationship status(es) so much of the time. That’s obvious and natural; “This person values me enough to want a relationship with me, therefore I must have value”.

That’s okay if it works for you. But sometimes that idea hurts more than it helps.

You have more value than as a mere albedo. You have value in your own right.