You know, every time I think I’m woefully unprepared to raise a child, something like this comes along that assures me that no matter how much I screw up, I’ll still be better than the worst of what’s out there. This is video that Alaskan mother Jessica Beagley submitted to Dr. Phil for review because she can’t get her adopted son to behave. The mushroom-haired harpy has tried everything, from dumping hot sauce in his mouth to forcing him to take cold showers. And now she’s facing child abuse charges:

On Friday, Jessica Beagley pleaded not guilty through her attorney Friday at an arraignment in a packed basement courtroom in downtown Anchorage…

The video, originally aired on the show during a November 2010 segment called “Mommy Confessions” and later posted online, shows her disciplining her adopted son by pouring hot sauce into his mouth and forcing him into a cold shower. Beagley’s 10-year-old daughter shot the video, which the family sent to “Dr. Phil” producers hoping to get help with the boy’s behavior, according to transcripts from the show.

“I wish I wasn’t to this point,” Beagley tells McGraw. “I don’t know what to do with this child.” [Anchorage Daily News]

I’d be happy to help Beagley come up with new parenting ideas. By hitting her in the head with a shovel.

Join The Discussion

Holy shit! I wised off to my grandfather once when I was that kids age and he put hot sauce in my mouth and I never wised off again to him.

The cold shower thing is fucked up, I’ve spanked my kids and so has my wife but if she ever put one of my daughters in a cold shower I would slap the shit out of her.

Also, got to love the picture of Jesus in the hall way (0:50 second mark). WWJD?

01.31.11 at 1:05 pm

Upstate Underdog

Also, she is obviously taking out her frustration for her shitty haircut on that kid and that’s just wrong.

01.31.11 at 1:07 pm

jayw

On the plus side, the kid’s gonna kick ass at the next geography bee.

01.31.11 at 1:16 pm

Byrd

I think it may be slightly more disturbing that her daughter filmed this to get help with her BROTHER’S behavior and not her mom’s.

01.31.11 at 1:16 pm

Tracer Bullet

Guh. Now I want to hug my kid. And kick this bitch square in the box.

01.31.11 at 1:17 pm

John Doe

That kid is overreacting. That’s what kids do. I used to get spankings and did the same thing.

Solution: Take that shovel and dig his grave right in front of him. I think that would send a stronger message without the need for physical harm. Who’s with me?

01.31.11 at 1:20 pm

Trolls r' Me

Fucking mormons.

01.31.11 at 1:20 pm

Tracer Bullet

That said, lying is a good way to get yourself fucked up.

01.31.11 at 1:21 pm

Tacos Gigante

Are we talking about Tabasco or some sort of exotic ghost pepper sauce? Not certain Tabasco should count as child abuse (depending on amount, duration etc.) Ghost Pepper? I think that’s banned by Geneva.

01.31.11 at 1:24 pm

Freedom Chipmunk

This serves as an example of why marrying a Mormon Eskimo is a bad idea.

01.31.11 at 1:29 pm

Freedom Chipmunk

Also, how ironic is it that she’s repeatedly verbally berating the kid for making bad choices?

01.31.11 at 1:36 pm

AEVC again

At least her hairdresser got some retaliation in but he/she should just jam the scissors in that cunt’s neck next time.

01.31.11 at 1:38 pm

Chad Henne Checkdown Clinic

What a monster.

01.31.11 at 1:39 pm

Lenny

Blair from “Facts of Life” doesn’t see what the big deal is. (Google her!)

@DG, good call. More snow than ice up here, got my snow blower gassed up and ready to go.

01.31.11 at 2:14 pm

Tacos Gigante

@DG/UU

I feel your pain, last year I was in DC during Snowmageddon/Snowpocalypse. I am now in Texas, where people are freaking about it being cold. No snow, no ice, just cold.

01.31.11 at 2:25 pm

r.pgh

it makes good choices or it gets the shower again…

01.31.11 at 2:44 pm

chazz_goodtimes

I think both are slightly harsh but I’d rather have the hot sauce then the soap I got for calling my sister a first class cunt* when I was in 4th grade. Obviously this is shitty parenting but how is that a crime when the hot-wax pagent mother walks the streets a free woman?

01.31.11 at 2:45 pm

chazz_goodtimes

*I’m sure I just called her a bitch but in my mind I had the swearing vocabulary I have now in all my flashbacks to by youth. It’s just more entertaining that way.

01.31.11 at 3:16 pm

Sid

From watching TV, everyone in America’s been sexually abused as a kid, so I guess hot sauce is a little better than having to blow your priest.

01.31.11 at 3:35 pm

Homo Erectus

Now, don’t be tellin’ us mamma bears how to be disciplining our children here in Alaska.

01.31.11 at 3:39 pm

Robot

That lassie got glassed.

01.31.11 at 4:40 pm

policomic

Just the fact that she would seek help from Dr. Phil proves she’s an unfit mother.

01.31.11 at 4:43 pm

John Chimpo

Its been a while since Ive seen something that broke my heart and made my blood boil at the same time. No one would get away with doing that kind of shit to my kid. Nuff Said.

ESPN Ocho interviewer: “So Mr. Beagley, how is it that you are able to consume the world’s hottest hot sauce in mass quantities and not so much as flinch?”

Mr. Beagley: (thinking of the Dr. Phil video from his childhood. Mom force feeding him hot sauce, followed by cold showers, day in, day out) “years of Practice.”

01.31.11 at 5:38 pm

TFBuckFutter

What a terrible mother.

Everyone knows that to properly correct behavior hot sauce must be applied directly to the anus.

01.31.11 at 6:24 pm

The Davenport Dumper

BOOOORING!!!! I got the cold shower treatment for swearing in school. I’m 28 now and I know people older than me probably endured the extension cord and hanger era. I would tell me friends and chuckle about it.

I don’t care kids know they are assholes sometimes and a foot in the ass is necessary. Suck it up kid at least he will learn early “Bitches be crazy”

My parents used to feed us jalapenos when we were bad all the time. This aint shit.

01.31.11 at 10:19 pm

Thecraic

In the mum’s defense, i’ve made some bad choices & ended up huddled in the shower. BUt seriously, I’m an Irish girl who grew up in the 80s & that is some seriously messed up child abuse. My people just hit in you in the face & let it go.

02.01.11 at 2:03 am

grasscutter

Someone needs to pull that bitch’s card. Is everyone in Alaska a complete asshole?