Tag

mental-health

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

I can still hear my grandmother uttering these words as she was explaining to us ‘young un’s’, how to tell if something was naughty or not. “If” she would say, “you feel something is not quite right or it makes you feel icky in any way, then DONT DO IT!!”

Grandmother was born and raised in another time, one where respect for rules and manners were of the highest importance. She would think nothing of washing your mouth out with soap (very unpleasant), if you broke any of them and this included such things as a disrespectful glance or shrug.

You simply did what my grandmother said…………no questions asked.

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

Is as true for adults as it is children. We all have that little nagging thought of doubt when we are doing something we know we probably shouldnt…….right?

We can have doubt over important decisions ‘should I change job?’ ‘should I have a baby?’ or everyday small ones; you know the little internal conversations we have with ourselves when we are buying something we can’t really afford, or having another helping of pie we really don’t need.

Doubt is in our genetics, it is honed in our childhoods and evolves via our experiences throughout our lives. It is our protector, our moral compass and guide. It helps us navigate this complicated social world with as little harm as possible.

I know for some people struggling with a decision; it is hard to know if it is doubt stopping them or fear? …………….However I feel generally, that fear can stem from doubt & doubt from fear, so really they are basically the same. Something deep in your sub-conscience is warning you, to not proceed……..!

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

Some of us suppress doubt better than others and proceed anyway.

In fact some people are so good at suppressing, that it’s as if they no longer have a conscience at all. But for most of us, we know when we have crossed our line and as a result, we will feel guilt, which is the real punisher AND make no mistake, Guilt can ruin lives and Guilt can Kill!

(Guilt can lead to additions, self loathing and even suicide).

Of course there is always a time when we need to override our instincts, to ignore the doubt or update the parameters but do so knowingly. Being aware that you are crossing your line, even if it’s a small one, is the difference between conscious decision and the inevitable…………guilt.

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

I have found these 5 little words have helped me to make the right choices big or small, in my life and importantly, at the right time (not to mention avoid the carbolic soap).:) So next time you hear that little tap, tap, tap of nagging doubt, give it an airing; listen to yourself and if you find you have no reason to negate this doubt, heed it and know that:-

When there is NO doubt, it is indeed the right thing to do and the right time to do it!

Like this:

Are you so exhausted & overwhelmed that its hard to just keep going ?

This is almost a normal these days and none of us seem immune, even me.

Life has been very busy for me over the past little while and I have recently caught myself falling into that “too many things on my plate” trap, that seems to so easily invade our lives.

Now I know better!

In fact, I am always preaching that there must be balance and yet, here I am once again sliding down the rabbit hole into a world of rushed meals, long hours working and lack of care for me. The last time I allowed this to happen, CANCER ENTERED MY LIFE and I do not plan on that happening ever again.

Time to stop the madness.

Easy to say and not so easy to actually do, given that I am a pretty typical type A personality and that a lot of what I am involved in, I really enjoy. But once the feelings start to become ones of overwhelm, the sirens should go off.

So time to turn my attention fully to the NOT so enjoyable stuff and see what I can let go of. Because, its the not so enjoyable stuff that gets to us, that bring us down emotionally and eventually physically. We do not tend to feel overwhelmed or over burdened when its something we enjoy.

It is not simply the burden of work but the kind of burden the work imposes on us.

Many of you will know that as well as my work as a coach & mentor, I have a job as a Technical Support Analyst, which I have had for quite a long time. It pays well, I work from home, can pick my hours and never have to battle a snow storm, which are all desirable features given the numerous problems I have had since my cancer treatments.

However, I no longer like doing this.

In fact I would go so far as to say I really hate it!! Not a good thing.

So it is easy to see where I need to make the changes but if I walk away from this job, it is entirely possible I will not be able to get another one, should I need to. Even though I don’t feel I will ‘need to’, its hard to let go. Especially as some of the benefits of this position, will not be available to me personally as an ex cancer patient.

There in lies the route of my issue really.

Do I quit so as to gain more balance in my life and protect myself from further Cancer?

OR Do I stay with the benefits & security?

Clearly QUIT is the only sensible option here. You know this, I know this!

But when did sense ever enter into what is an emotional issue?

Fear is the emotion that is holding me back and driving my thought process around this, not my logic.

I have in fact made my decision but I wanted to demonstrate that we each have our emotinal triggers around certain issues, things that stop us from doing what is actually “BEST for US”.

When you are in that place it is also sometimes very difficult to see and this is where working with a coach can really be helpful. Coaches are trained to listen to you closely and often hear the emotion that you are not aware of; once this is identified, it is amazing how quickly action can be planned and taken.

Time for change!

Coach Lin

Note:If you are feeling stuck, unable to make a decisions; if you are feeling in any way overwhelmed with your work load or life; a few sessions with the right coach, may well be the best gift you could ever give yourself.