Monthly Archives: May 2014

The older we become we start to view some people differently. Sometimes we notice the good that we have never seen before and in others we notice the bad. Your perception of people can change but in this case I am not speaking of just anyone, I am speaking of your friends. I have thought of a few different types of friends in this world and I want you to see if you know anyone who would fit one or more of these types.

The ride or die-Now this girl right here….everyone NEEDS her by their side. She is going to have your back through thick and thin, right or wrong. She is there whenever you need her and in fact she will go through it with you. No matter the hour she will be right by the phone. If you wanted to rob a bank (now realistically speaking this would be stupid so don’t do this) she would be right there putting the money in the bag. If you were in a bar fight she would jump in then afterwards she would ask “why?”

The good one– This chick may not be a “ride or die” but by no means is she a bad friend. She will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. The good friend is basically the textbook definition of a friend. She is also there when you need her and will be dependable and faithful. If a fight broke out she would not jump in but she will be the one to break it up or call the police. If you were a robber (hypothetically speaking) she wouldn’t commit the crime with you but she would definitely be the one you call for bail money.

The selfish friend– if it is not convenient for her then it does not matter. It has to be all about her all the time. To be quite honest, her self-absorbed ways are probably not intentional but your needs are not as important as hers. More than likely you are there for her more than she is for you. Don’t get me wrong now, she isn’t what you call a bad friend and she just may not be there exactly when you need her but she is always right on time.

The negative Nancy– no matter the situation she never has anything good to say. She will always list the cons and never the pros. You know the saying “misery loves company”? Well this is her all day long. I figured out that she is even a little jealous. She wishes that she could do the things you do or have been the places you have. This girl can’t wait to see you fail, it makes her feel better about herself.

The leech– The name says it all. She is the one who hangs around you because it benefits her. At the end of the day she is there to see what she can get out of you. This girl wants all of the perks that comes along with you. You will notice that her friendship isn’t real from the jump! If you think about it, she probably thinks that she is doing nothing wrong. She means no harm towards you but she doesn’t mean well either. Last but not least…

The hater on the low– This girl is fake fake fake!!!!!! She cares nothing about you and what makes it so bad, you will not notice her foul ass ways until it’s too late and has probably been around for many years. Her low key ass knows that you are a great person so she will not cut you off but she is jealous and wants to be you. Whether you want to believe it or not some people will hang around just to keep up with what you are doing. The hater will clap for you in front of your face and pray for your downfall when she is alone at night. If she could, this b*tch would skin and wear you. More than likely this girl has NEVER had more than one real friend because the other girls have already peeped her ways. Once you figure out which one of your friends is this (hopefully you don’t have one) cut her off and don’t look back!

I was thinking….as much I think I know men and I know all about love…I do not! I always thought I understood how I felt or understood that men will play games but I am wrong. Where myself, and other women go wrong, is trying to always decipher what a man does or the way he thinks. One thing I can say is that I believe that a man is habitual and once he is yours and you know him you can always figure out his next move. Until he does belong to you, it is one rule you need to follow…CHARGE THAT SH*T TO THE GAME.

I have always been the type that always tried to play the FBI, DEA and the feds when it came to figuring out the who, what, when and why’s of a guy’s actions. But I am learning, it is a waste of time trying to decode one’s thoughts especially if he is not expressing them to you. As I have said before we need to learn how to use our intuition and begin noticing the patterns and get out while you have the chance. To be honest sometimes, well a lot of times, things that happen in a relationship or while dating are totally unpredictable and inevitable. There were times that I have blamed myself when things took the turn for the worse. I would say maybe if I would have called a little later, sooner or not at all maybe he would still be here. I would say maybe if I would have relaxed more and let things happen he would still be here. The truth is he is no more ready five phone calls later than he was when you made that first call or text.

I just need to accept that it is what it is and a man is going to do what he is going to do. As immature as it is some guys just play the game and the field and have a set of guidelines and rules for how they think they can woo a woman or get what they want. You may feel hurt, embarrassed or even fooled but we all make mistakes when it comes to dating but you live and you learn. From now on I am going to let the chips fall where they and I will treat him exactly how he treats me and be 10Xs better at it and not give two damns…NOW CHARGE THAT SH*T TO THE GAME!!!!

Once Memorial Day hits our clothes get shorter, our skin gets darker and the nights become a little longer. People who hardly come out are at the day parties and hitting the beaches. Well while some of y’all look forward to eating barbeque and taking a dip in the pool I am hoping to come across someone that really sparks my interest so I can make him my summer time sweetie. I do not know about you but it is just something about that summer love that makes dating so fun and less serious.

Okay so throughout the year I have periods and times when I (think) want something more serious and I play with the idea of being committed. As soon as summer hits I just want to enjoy a situation that has no expectations, no rules and no title. I want that feeling of excitement and not knowing what will happen from one day to the next. I wish I can take my seasonal attitude towards dating and apply it to the rest of the year but I enjoy the few short months of being free spirited and feeling so easy going that summer brings. What is funny is that your summer boo seems to come so unexpected. Is it just me or is your summer lover more fine that any other man that you had during winter, spring or fall??? And again, is it just me or does it seem like your summer fling is just that…a summer fling and once fall hits it was just a memory? Personally I have never had a guy that I met over the summer that has outlasted the hot months and turned into something more serious or romantic. What is strange is that guy may not have impacted me much but the situation did…and here is why…

Even though it is important to keep in mind what you are really looking for but sometimes we take the fun out of a situation. I think the reason why we see less or even no lasting relationships is because we are too busy trying to control something so unpredictable. Having a little summer boy toy can teach us a little something, it shows me that it is okay to have fun and letting the good times roll but it also shows me that nothing lasts forever….

Check out one of my favorite songs that sets the tone for me during summer TLC “Digging on You”

Okay so regardless if you want to admit it or not we women bring a lot of issues on ourselves but in this case…I beg to differ. Honey these men will sell you a dream in a minute and get mad when you ask for a refund. I am not sure why some men feel that it is okay to lie to women and lead them on. I honestly thought that those days were over as soon as I left college but I guess not.

He says and does all of the right things and he makes you feel so good. Y’all two go on Friday night dates and family cookouts together. He has everything that you could ever want or wish for in a man or so you think. You guys have planned trips, events and a long summer. Somehow overnight all of these things came crashing down over night and it was all just a memory. When you look back on the relationship you begin to think that everything was a fake and the way he felt for you was a lie. It is almost like he lived a double life. He will take you home to meet mama, let you drive his car, lay up in your house ALL DAMN DAY and then wonders why you are so attached. I have been in this position more than once and maybe even twice. I can respect a lot of things that a man does even if it is wrong when he decides to be honest. It is a whole different story when I feel that a man has given me a mirage and once that has happened I lose all respect that he can never gain back.

As I get older I begin to notice patterns and I can easily call bull sh*t…when I want to. I can never understand how a man can put forth the effort and energy into something that he does not want. I wonder if he just confused about what he wants and how we wants it. What is kind of funny…men and women have this in common. I do not think women take it to the extent that men do but a lot of times we will fool ourselves into thinking we are interested in someone when we really are not so when we do finally wake up and smell the coffee we get the hell out of dodge and don’t look back. At the end of it all we need to keep in mind that a lot of men have dreams for sale and we no longer need to be their consumers.

They say people are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Honestly I get my season and reason people mixed up and sometimes I think of them as the same thing. I think of seasonal people as something like a placeholder in my life, you know someone to just keep you busy or help you get through a difficult or slow time in life. I think those three categories can apply to anyone in your life but usually when I mostly apply this to the men who have come in and out or remained in my life.

Last year one of my best friends who live in the DC area came down to Atlanta for her birthday and was staying in a hotel in midtown. So we were hanging out at the rooftop pool and we met some guys who were visiting from up north. I saw a guy who caught my eye and instantly I thought to myself “I have to have him!!!” He had flawless skin, beautiful teeth, a nice smile, tattoos and a beard. Call me simple but just the beard and tattoos alone drove me crazy! I was at a time in my life where I was living freely…I felt the most happy with my personal life during this time. Despite my attraction to him I really did not want anything but a friendship. I took my own advice and just went with the flow. I saw him a couple of times that summer and I went on a limb and spontaneously booked a flight above the Mason Dixon line to see him. The way he treated me and the time he took to plan our day impressed me. I guess hospitality isn’t limited to the south. Sometimes it’s nice when a man takes the time out to make plans and not leave up to you to decide. I did not reach into my purse one time that weekend; in fact he would not even let me leave a tip. My friends drove up from DC to hang out with us and we went out to enjoy ourselves and I can honestly say that was the most fun that I have had in a long time. Not to mention he even treated my friends great. When I returned home I felt differently about him. Before I just wanted a friend in him but now I wanted more, I wanted to see if we could build. I told him how I felt and unfortunately for me he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I SWEAR…THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE!!! I can never have what I want. Since he was very honest and open with me I could not be mad at him, in fact I respected him more. To this day he and I remain friends and everything is cool. I wish him nothing but the best for him and his future.

He may not know it but he taught me a lesson. I think the reason why so many women get upset and hurt after what they thought would be love didn’t work is because we have expectations. It is always good going into a situation knowing what you want out of it. He actually showed me what I deserve in a man and now I refuse to settle for anything less than what he showed me. He set the bar very high. To be quite honest he did not do anything spectacular but he did the little things that most women take for granted and the things that guys forget to do. Things can change overnight and take the turn for the best or the worse you just have to know how to handle it. I have always been the type to cut off a guy once we stopped dating because I saw no purpose having him in my life afterwards. As I grow and mature I have learned that nothing will work without a solid foundation. I learned that you have to appreciate things for what they are and some things should not be changed. Like most women, when I meet a guy that I am interested in I instantly start planning our future. He taught me that not all things should be taken so seriously and just because he makes you feel good does not mean that he is good for you. Just because something did not work out does not mean that it was all bad. Know that it is okay to take REALISTIC risks sometimes and be open to different things. Do not be too quick to jump the gun and sometimes just let things flow. My mom has always told me that everything happens in its season and it will be in its own perfect timing. That guy taught me something…he was a reason for preparing me for my season to come.

Have you ever wondered why you attract certain people? Have you ever seen someone who you wanted to approach but their unattractive friend decided to approach you instead? I have always heard that you are what you attract and at first I believed it but now I am beginning to think that maybe just maybe it is us who do not go for what we really need. Maybe, just maybe, some men are not as secure as they portray to be and are too intimidated to go for the type of woman who compliments them instead of the woman that feeds their ego . How we present ourselves is a huge factor as well. We can not go out dressed in what can almost be lingerie and expect to attract a CEO. There is a time and a place to act and dress a certain way. Sadly some of us do not even know our worth so we think that we do not deserve a certain caliber of men. We could be going into the wrong places to be noticed by the men that we desire. It is like going into a Chinese restaurant trying to order Italian food. I am beginning to think that we need to be realistic about WHO we really want and WHAT we really want…

What I consider a MILF is a woman who still did not lose it after having a baby and that I am not just referring to her body. No matter your marital status being a mother is by no means easy but being a single mom who is not married is even harder. I do not know exactly why I like using the phrase MILF but for me it is a compliment and it makes you feel sexy.

Just to give you a little personal background on me I became a mother at the age of 20 and I have never been married and since my child has been born I have not been in a committed relationship. When I think of a single MILF I never think of the stereotype but unfortunately I know that others do. More than likely majority of people probably think of a single mother as someone who is struggling, little or no help from the child’s father and has a low paying job. It was hard for me to socialize with other moms at my child’s schools because 95%, if not all, were married at home moms or their husbands were making bank. The bottom line is that they were married and I was not. I always felt like I would be judged just because of the fact that I am single, fairly younger than most of them, had a child but none of them knew of my accomplishments. Even little things like showing up to a birthday party (outside of personal friends and family) required a whole thought process for me. For once I think it would be nice for me to enter a birthday party with my son and a beau in tow with me. Maybe the guy could get with the other men present and talk about what men talk about. Even after working all day, cooking and getting the kidlet ready for bed I have to get my home improvement on. Little things like changing a light bulb, killing spiders and bugs and attempting to fix anything that is broken sometimes makes you wish that you had another half.

Regardless if you are single or not it takes a special type of woman to become a REAL mother. On top of wearing a cape, pumps, stethoscope, and a wonder woman cuff you can now add MILF to your title 🙂

P.S. Lets not forget to give props to the real fathers out there…they deserve kudos too. I know I am thankful for my dad and my child’s father…they are THE SH*T

Have you ever wanted something so bad that no matter what you did it just did not seem to work? It seems like whether it is personal or professional things do not happen when you want them to, they happen when you need them to. Many things in life are worth waiting on especially love but sometimes it is difficult to wait on something especially when you have expectations.

I have always been the type of girl who played the field or was never in a rush to settle down. Basically I was never the relationship type of girl. What I mean by that is you will not see me jump from relationship to relationship and I can feel comfortable on my own. I came across a guy who was different from the guys that I have dated in the past. He has an admirable career as a teacher, adored his mother, was involved in the church, very spiritual, had great values, respected strong women, he was eclectic and loved life. My friends all tell me that I am very aggressive when it comes to dating and some men may not know how to receive such confidence so I decided to take a different route with this guy. I tried my best to be more lady-like or have more set rules when dating. So since I thought he was worth the time I decided to try this out. Welp…this did not go as planned. We had some very good times but I asked him what he was looking for and a girlfriend was not one. I decided to hang in there because of course, like all women, I thought that I could change a man. Oh was I wrong! We did not end badly but I did cut things off at that time. Looking back on the situation I really wish that I would have done things differently. Hindsight is always 20/20, or at least it should be, but at that time I was not even ready for what I THOUGHT I wanted. Who was I to even map out some unknown plan?

First thing’s first…YOU CAN NOT CHANGE A MAN OR HIS MIND UNLESS HE HIMSELF IS READY TO DO SO. Secondly, do not let someone else’s expectations influence how you should date or how you think love should be. Sometimes we think we need or should have certain things because of what others around us have. What may work for someone else may not work for you. When you have interest in someone it is good to let things happen. Do not get me wrong, if you and the person you are dating want two different things then the best thing to do is let it go! Look at it on the bright side…you may not have exactly what you wanted but you did not leave empty handed. It is nothing wrong with a friendship instead. If you ask me…I think that is why things do not last. There is no proper foundation of friendship. Waiting for something perfect to happen is a waste of time because you may miss out on something great waiting for something that will NEVER happen.

I am not sure who quoted or said this but something that I live by is that you cannot think beyond your exposure what you thought you were ready for now may not be what you need at this moment. When I think of this, I think of the fact you cannot be ready for what you have not experienced or have knowledge of. We live in a generation of instant gratification. We are so use to having the world at our fingertips that when we want it, we want it now.

I became a mother at 20 and I was enrolled and college at that time. I was in college for about five years but then I thought that I had been a student for too long and on top of that I was not even working. Eventually I graduated and found a job that worked for me. I guess at that time I felt the need to rush my life and get things in order because I had a child to provide for. I felt like I was behind and needed to take 20 steps forward because I knew people who were making things happen. I soon learned that comparing your success or life to someone else’s WILL MESS YOU UP EVERY TIME.

Most of us have the same goal in mind…SUCCESS. I think the real struggle is figuring out what success means to you. Each of us take different paths in life. Some of us reach our destination faster or slower than others because we may have more resources or fewer obstacles than some do. Patience is key. If you jump at the idea of something too fast you may miss out on what is actually planned for you. Not to mention…you will waste your time and that you can NEVER get back. Just know that because it is not happening for you now does not mean that it never will. Even though sacrificing is important but being obedient to what your heart says, instincts and who you pray to is greater. When you think about something day in or day out…GO FOR IT! Failure is not the worst thing that can happen. Just be still and know that what is for you, is for you. It just may not be your time yet, but when that alarm clock is set and ready to go off it is time for you to wake up and get what is yours!

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” John F Kennedy

You met a guy and it did not work out. Maybe you were more interested in him than he was you or maybe he just was not interested at all. The situation could be just that, a situation and nothing serious at all. For some strange reason this man just has a hold on you that you can not shake. You date other people, you go out and seem happy but this guy will not stop popping up in your head.

At times he tells you things that you want to hear and others you do not hear from him at all. So you start to do all of the things that you know that he likes. You cook him dinner every week, buy him whatever he likes and turn into his own personal Jada Fire but no matter what you still can not win his heart. What I have learned is that you have to start taking things at face value. When you have your blinders on it is so hard to see that this guy just is not for you. Yes he may have all of things and characteristics that you want in a man but he is not the man for you. I am not sure if you try to make something out of nothing to prove everyone else wrong or to make you feel better about what you thought was a lost. It hurts now but as you grow you will see that there are other men out there who are just as wonderful if not better and he will want what the other guy did not…and that is Y-O-U!