This story is strange but interesting. It almost seems ritualistic or ceremonial, reminding me of Noh theatre. Although it's clear you know a deal about the Romans, I think this is less of a historical novelistic approach than a romantic, spectacle one. Minerva's life is like a spectacle, like a short play, and the slave plays the chorus ( a feature of Japanese Noh plays as well as Greek and Roman ones.) Tell me if I'm talking over your head and I can explain better probably.

In terms of style, I think this style would be very unsuited to a traditional novel, but it works well in context. It would seem stilted and unnatural in a novel. But here that 'stilted' is ceremonial, and that 'unnatural' is more than natural.