Author: THX 0477Dr. Tim's Neurotic Rules of Ficly Life
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Their conversation stopped short as the real Violet came sprinting into the hall, her second hand Chucks squeaking on the linoleum. One hand on the fire alarm she stared at her friend and the mech with her. For a brief instant she seemed to stare into something deep behind the glistening optical sensors of the mech.

Rae swallowed hard.

The moment passed, and Violet jerked the alarm pull. Her grin pulled to one side as the strobes and sirens went off.

As the shuffle of hundreds of adolescent feet began to swell Violet called out, “Run for it. We’ll meet up later at the spot.” With a wink she was back into her classroom from whence her voice soon came echoing out, “Run fer your lives! Get, get, get on out! Yeehaw!”

With a whir and a few clanks the mech was once again a scooter, just in time for a mad dash through the quickly filling halls.

A quibble in the third paragraph, first sentence — two independent clauses need not be separated by a comma. Some adjectives distract the rader (e.g. for a “brief” instant reads better as “for an instant” and ….something “deep” behind the “glistening” optical sensors is too busy) I am a huge fan of your writing, THX. Just offering my 2 cents to help you improve. -TEH