Upset with DP!

Been with DP now for 5 years now and mentioned the desire for us to start trying to conceive and then he hits me with a bombshell! He says when he was younger he was a super late developer like no signs of puberty til 17 and he is also quite small at five foot 5. He says because of this he doesn't want biological kids as he feels 'he will pass this stuff onto the kids' and he doesn't want them to go through the bullying he did.

Am i right to be pissed off? He says we can try other ways surely like sperm donor, adoption etc but i feel like this won't feel like the real deal for him. AIBU?

Depends i guess. Did you discuss having kids before you got married? Its one thing to change tact now you're wanting to try, totally another to admit you actually don't want biological children when it's the first time you've discussed it.

As for adoption or using a sperm donor, only he can say how it will make him feel. The fact he suggested it points to him being okay with it

Is this the first time you've ever discussed the possibility of having a child? As in, have you previously had a conversation about plans for the future regarding children? It seems an odd reason, but he is well within his rights to decide he doesn't want biological children. YABU to be pissed off that he doesn't want kids of his own, but YANBU to be pissed off that you're only finding this out 5 years down the line

This is the first time we have had a sit down discussion about kids, but he has mentioned previously he wanted kids. Yes we waited 5 years to have the proper discussion about it we have had a bit of a care free 5 years haha.

Tell him what he's saying is absolutely crazy. You love him and want to have children WITH him and by that you mean his sperm and your egg no a donors!! Also remind him sons always grow taller than their fathers 👍

But surely that's a further discussion to be had between you both? He's told you he doesn't want biological children...the next step surely is to decide if you want to pursue other methods of conceiving and if not, can you live in a marriage knowing that you won't ever have kids? To me him suggesting other options means the biology aspect doesn't bother him, which is what your OP questioned. Only you can decide if other options are what you really want

thanks so far, i said all the stuff about i love you for you, i want your children etc and he just said i'm not respecting his personal decision. Might have to make him sleep on the sofa tonight while i mull this all over...

see if you can get genetic counselling to tell you the likelihood of it being passed to children. It may be non-hereditary, it may be passed down the female line. Get all the facts first before making a decision

He does realise that children vary in height and size??! We've got 3 DDs - eldest is 5 ft 5", youngest is 5 ft 11". Same parents, same upbringing. None planted overnight in Growmore. There are huge variables, and he sounds to be honest like he's making excuses. I think you need to hear what he's telling you - he doesn't want children, sorry.

I think he is one of those men that doesn't want kids yet/with you but is going to string you along with the ..you can always adopt/use a donor knowing this will take a really long time if, at all possible.

He probably needs advice from a geneticist about how likely it is that children will inherit his characteristics. Were other people in his family the same? Are his worries confined to boys, given that small girls are less likely to be bullied for being small?