A Ballerina's Memoirs: From Suzanne Farrell, With Love

Dance

LOS ANGELES — The first thing one notices about Suzanne Farrell is her crooked teeth.

It's comforting.

It's comforting to know that this striking, legendary New York City Ballet ballerina who was George Balanchine's protege, muse and inspiration for more than 20 years is human, too.

Of course, the rest of Farrell is exquisitely formed. Perfect feet, tiny waist, liquid hazel eyes, clear skin and a full head of dark hair set off her tall frame. She is also eloquent.

''I think the arts teach us a lot about having to live and be happy on this Earth,'' Farrell said recently, sitting in a modest room at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Los Angeles was the last stop on a nine-city, three-week tour publicizing her recent autobiography, Holding on to the Air (Summit Books; $19.95).

''I didn't want this just to be a ballet book,'' she said. ''In fact, I worked very hard not to have the word ballet or dance in the title, so that people wouldn't think: 'Oh, I don't like ballet. This is not for me.'

''I wanted to write the book to share with people the tale of a very rare love story. It's about people having to get along, wanting to get along - my mother, Mr. B, my husband, my co-workers and my partners.''

Born and raised in Cincinnati, Farrell moved to New York with her mother and two sisters when she was 15. She studied on scholarship at the School of American Ballet (SAB), training ground for the New York City Ballet. Within three years, she was principal dancer of the ballet, catching the eye of its illustrious choreographer-director who was 40 years her senior.

The book, written with the help of former New York City ballerina Toni Bentley, chronicles Balanchine and Farrell's love for dance and each other, their five-year estrangement, reconciliation, Balanchine's death and Farrell's retirement in 1989.

''I feel no one has had a career like mine,'' said Farrell. ''Who has had 23 ballets done for them and known such a genius of this century?''

Since her retirement from the stage (hip-replacement surgery in 1987 severely curtailed her dancing), Farrell has been staging Balanchine ballets on companies all over the world.

''It's interesting that so much of (my) life was taken up in the dance world,'' Farrell said. ''I loved it . . . but there are other things going on out there.''

Holding is extremely candid. Farrell bares her feelings for Balanchine in chapters about their late-night tete-a-tetes. (She still wears a huge pearl-and-diamond ring he gave her.) A few of his love letters are also included. How does she feel, now that all is revealed?

''I wanted to tell the story, and at the same time, I was reluctant to let go. Now that I've let go, it's a good feeling. But it's also a lot of mixed feelings.''