For the last while I have been wondering about prayer. Does it work ?Or more to the point; Does God answer prayer ?

Judging by the witness and stories of people I know , I would have to conclude that God does answer prayer. He answered their prayers at least. That would force me to rephrase my question. Does God answer my prayers ?

I have been praying for various things. Guidance. a Job I can enjoy. A hope and a future. Just some point of light in this never ending struggle called life. Together with a friend we prayed foronce a day for fourty days for the healing of a friend. I prayed that God will reveal himself to me. Just make me aware of His prescence in my life. Yes , I have also prayed for material things.

And so I have to ask – Why does God not answer my prayers ?

Are they not spiritual enough ? Am I asking for worldy things ? Am I not spiritual/christian/deserving enough ? Are the causes and people I prayed for not deserving enough ? Have I done something to tick Him off ? What have I done to deserve the state my life is in ? Maybe I am the blacksheep in the family ?

My mother once told me that I am eternal optimist. And she had a point. I would always think that maybe tomorrow… MAybe tomorrow things will be better. Maybe tomorrow will be the day where things change. Maybe tomorrow will be the day where I see God’s love in action in my life. Maybe tomorrow will be the day God comes through.

Well you know what ? I have lost even that optimism. I am tired of hoping and prying and trying to believe. And I am tired of having to try and keep head above water and fight this life alone. The problem is that tired or not life goes on. And I am too much of a coward to take my own. So tomorrow I will get up and go to church. And Monday I will get up , read my bible, go to work , come back home watch some tv and go to sleep. Only to repeat the whole senceless little routine day after , week after week , year after year.