You how at times you think you got over something but turns out you actually didn't. As it turned out, it hurts so much more than you can actually imagine, though you told yourself to brace for this as you have seen it coming before. Oh, yes. The pain hurts. Sorry, the truth hurts even more. I ought to get myself together and get over it now. But guess what I can't. And I know you'll want to know what happened, so please do just ask me.

For once, I’m going to do a photo post since I did spent some amount of my time editing the pictures I took from the wedding. As for the wedding, there is actually nothing much to talk about it. It is one of my cousin’s dinner wedding but the thing is, well, I am not that close to her. So, I wasn’t involved in the wedding. I’m just attending a wedding dinner and there is really nothing more to elaborate. There was food and it was good, yes. Mandarin songs karaoke, blasting through the speakers. Oh, yes. That is about it. Now, it’s time for the pictures.

Haha, I know there is more pictures of my sister and I than the wedding itself. Well, at least now you can guess how interesting the wedding was or how vain are the both of us. But hey, you are at my blog. Publishing rights is what I have after all. :)

Have you ever had that feeling when you lost something, you just had to find that something back? And that no amount of money can replace that something which you lost? Even if you bought back something similar, you still can’t really replaced what you have lost and you definitely can’t forget what you lost either?

I’m having one of those moments. It really sucks because I bought a replacement but I didn’t really liked it. It just wasn’t the same; the casing, the brush, the design, the color. And you must be wondering what-the-hell did I lost. I lost my irreplaceable lip gloss.

I can imagine you laughing and saying, “Oh puh-lease. Don’t be so dramatic. It’s just a lip gloss.” Well, it’s not for me. It is so much more than that. I dug out like every other lip gloss I had but the texture is just not right. Sighs.

The lip gloss I lost is the one with the black thingy in between. The one in the picture belongs to my sister. So, if you ever find one similar to that, please tell me where I could get it. Thanks. I’ll love you forever.

I know, I know, I know. I haven’t been blogging for about a week already. And I’m supposingly on a holiday, huh? Well, guess what. I have done plenty of drafts but the thing is, I never got to finish these drafts which explains why there are no new posts on my blog.

Anyway, let’s not get sidetracked. Today is Sunday and it’s basically the day where all my college mates leaves for Genting; almost everyone but me. You want to know the reason why I stayed back? Do me a favor, don’t ask because now I’m so regretting that I didn’t go. And I haven’t even heard about how their trip went, but I’m sure it’s awesome.

But, but, but.. Guess what today turns out to be the perfect day out in The Gardens Mall. It’s so perfect till I have to pinch myself to believe it. Haha, fine. I’m joking. It is just to emphasize my point there. Believe it or not, I’m so in love with today.

* * * * * *

I went to Kim Gary Restaurant for lunch. I had a Ribena with Lemon Ice Blended Drink.

I had Cheese Baked Rice with Chicken Chop. The dessert was tasteless, I didn’t try the soup.

* * * * * *

I have analyzed myself and came out with this conclusion; I suck in food photography, I’m okay with structure and buildings but my best would have to be nature photography. But the reason I suck in taking pictures of food is that because when I’m eating out with my parents, they are usually not that patient, waiting for me to get the right shot. So, I have approximately 30 seconds to get the right shot. Impossible. But with nature, I can. I take walks myself and I have all the time in the world to get that one perfect shot.

* * * * * *

I went for a short walk. I felt the need to prove to myself that I am indeed a better nature photographer, after failing to capture good shots of the food. And I finally managed to use my shutter speed function. I used it for the water feature they have in between the MidValley Mall and The Gardens Mall. The first picture had a faster shutter speed whereas the second has a slower shutter speed. Oh, by the way, which picture of the leaf do you think is better? The bottom or the top one?

My personal take; the top one.

If I could get one wish granted now, I wished that I could turn back the clock today and did what I did today with not a single change to it. Oh, what I’ll do just to go through today again. I’m so in love with today. It’s the 10th.

Yesterday couldn't have been more perfect. It was hands down, one of the most enjoyable day I had. It started out with a one on one date with someone I really really missed, Julia. It would have been even better if Kimberly could make it. I haven't seen her for eons already.

After that, I managed to do a teeny weeny bit of shopping; got myself a black checkered top and a cute brown flip flop. (And no, I won't be posting pictures of them because I'm not a big fan of posting my purchases online for the world to see.)

Then, I took pictures of myself using Cammy inside Borders because I got so bored waiting for my parents and my brother to finish reading their books. The pictures are below and you have been warned; it has stupidity written all over the pictures.

The Breakfast

It was Father’s Day yesterday, I unintentionally picked that day to go out with Julia. So, to make it up, I agreed to have breakfast with my dad at this place near my house which serves really fantastic porridge.

Because the porridge was served in claypot, it was still bubbling when it arrived. The claypot also managed to keep the porridge warm throughout our meal. Dad ordered a frog and prawns porridge; you can opt to have more fresh seafood in it. Oh, I forgot to mention this; they only serve seafood porridge. I find the congee really smooth and sweet, but it’s those natural sweetness because of the ingredients they used to make the porridge.

And this is a combo picture of my brother doing what I think it’s known as stoning. Well, except for the last picture because that is when I called him to look into the camera.

The Date With J

It was really good seeing my beloved again, after so long. I think it have only been, say 3 months, but I really missed her especially when I used to be able see everyday in high school. But I guess that was high school and we’re both big girls in college. Things have changed, people change too. I think Julia turned out to be slightly mellower than her usual hyper kid way back then but I think she getting more matured and lady like whereas I’m still monkey-ing around.

I actually didn’t intend to watch a movie because I figured that if I only have 5 hours with her, I want to make the most out of the five hours. But we did ended up catching a movie, which I 100% wouldn’t even regret watching it. It was hands down one of the best movie I’ve watched this year.

Oh, yes. It’s Toy Story 3 and much to the contrary, it’s not really a children movie for kids. That was what I initially thought; “Oh, I was going to watch a show with kids screaming in the background.” But no, I think, J and I, we both laughed the loudest. We were close to the tears too. And that is why I think the show is so awesome; it makes your emotions go through a double looped roller coaster ride.

Somehow rather, I think the show is meant for us to watch. We started queuing at 11.45 am and the movie was due to begin at 12.00 pm. At around 5 mins before 12 pm, we managed to pick two seats right in the middle of the upper front row. J even bought popcorns. But we didn’t miss anything because the adverts before the movie was 30 mins long.

Oh, oh. I know which movie to look out for next; Despicable Me. Watch the trailer and then you’ll know why I think it’s going to be another nice movie to catch.

Hmm, so who’s up for the movie? Make a date with me and we’ll catch it together, kays?

After the movie, we went to a restaurant called Sek Hou which J mentioned that it was not bad. So, I thought “Why not give it a try?”. We both ordered the same food, something seafood (I’m sorry I forgot the name), along with Honey Dew Juice and for me; Hot Green Tea with Lemon.

I thought the food tasted really good, I mean considering it’s a restaurant in a shopping complex. I’m sorry but I’m a firm believer that the best food are usually those found in the hawker stalls. Yes, there are some that can be found it shopping complex but the chances are about 5 % only. Anyway, back to the food at Sek Hou. I liked the rice because it wasn’t just plain rice, but it was santan and egg fried rice. The best thing was that there was fried egg cleverly hidden under the pile of rice. I didn’t notice it until I finished half of the rice. The seafood wouldn’t have been better if they didn’t stinge on the amount of prawns, mussel and squid. If I’m not mistaken, there were only one type each with a lot of capsicum and onions.

During lunch, we did managed to catch up on each other lives. And my, Julia has been going around, doing a lot of charities, helping out at homes and animal shelter care which makes me think twice…. what have I been doing all this while in college. I guessed I was having fun, working my ass off on projects like council and the CFAB Dinner, studying for exams and basically enjoying every second I’m in college. Too bad, our date had to end around 4 pm. But I’m sure we both have tonnes of fun and I’m so looking forward to meeting with you soon, J. My birthday perhaps, or even earlier?

The title says it all, really. I mean I was like so goddamnworried when I was preparing for the undang test, I actually finished the 500 questions and still revised the questions after I’m done with it. Man, I’m a freak. I know. I wanted to pass oh-so-badly.

And this was what I got. I passed! I managed to finish it in 10 minutes and 9 seconds. Hmm, not bad. I actually wanted to check my answers but then I was like, “Screw it. I want to know if I passed or not.”

*clicks on button*

Results popped out. And I actually stared and laughed at the screen. :) Haha, can’t blame me. I passed and that is all that matters.

… I have an Undang Test tomorrow and the monkey asked me to study my Undang instead of blogging about Malacca which I actually was initially doing. So yea, you’ll have to deal with this short filler post while I revised again my 500 questions in that hideous yellow book. Eww. I know. I hope I pass. :)

On the other hand, I’ve got monkeycrazynism. :D And I feel like telling the whole world. So, here you go.

Maybe the title is a bit too dramatic, but guess what, it’s perfect for me to describe what happened to me. Well, for a start this didn’t happen today. It happened a few days ago when I was in Malacca for a family trip (yes, I’m supposed to blog about that too).

Something happened in the morning that made my heart broke into a million pieces. I can say that 99% of you out there would think that the reason for this is absurdly ridiculous. But you don’t understand just how important Cammy, my camera is to me. She means the world to me and I dropped her on the cold, hard, rocky stone floor of a temple in Malacca. Screw myself. I was stupid enough to slip on a step and dropped my unzipped pouch with Cammy in it. She was practically thrown out from the pouch and was flung open from her leather case. Imagine the bloody impact the floor had on her. When I saw her on the floor, my heart cracked. When I saw the scratches and the cracks all over her, my heart broke and shattered into a million pieces. Sighs, I can’t even bear to look at her anymore. I haven’t touched her since I came back from my trip. I hate myself.

To make matter worst, on that very same day, the results for my Accounting Final came out. I was in the middle of Malacca with no wi-fi connection. I couldn’t check my results and I had to depend on my friends for it. Can you imagine the agony of not being able to check my very own results? I was dying to hear the message alert tone of my phone. I waited and waited and finally, the monkey called. He said I got 77. I thought it was a joke. It’s not. By then, I knew I’ve screwed up already. I couldn’t count the months, that was what went wrong.

With only approximately 4 hours of sleep yesterday, it’s a miracle that I made it through today’s final accounting paper.

I thanked God that I didn’t completely blanked out during the paper, but I did spend quite some time figuring out the months. God, I was just so confused with the beginning and the end of the month. It’s kind of like this:

“Shit. How many months is there from 1/3/x5 – 31/8/x5?”

*starts counting using my finger*

“Is it 6 or 7 months?”

I think if my results come out below what I expected, I know for sure what went wrong. It’s this freaking month counting issue I have. I’m praying hard I didn’t screw up the months now. I’ll pass, but I might not be happy with the result. Especially knowing where I could have went wrong.

Of course, there were other questions where I just stared at the screen, re-reading the question again and again but I just don’t get what it wants. Damn. I had to do the worst thing anyone can ever imagine doing but would have at least did once in their lifetime; I ‘tembak-ed’ the answer. Even though I had 5 minutes more to actually understand and attempt the bloody question, I didn’t. I guessed I just gave up. I feel guilty now. Can I blame my consistent slacking over the past three days of study break? That would mean blaming myself. Hell yeah, why not?

Oh, well. I’ll know my marks tomorrow and we’ll see if I did screw up or not. Hopefully not. I’ll be in Malacca though and I’m not sure if I could get online in the afternoon.

Man, my Accounting final is closing in and I really really ought to be studying at maximum level (whatever you call it). But I’m not. Instead I’m here. Sighs, I don’t know. I couldn’t solve some of the questions and my mind was going all confuse on me, again. I guess I needed a breather. So, I came here. Today hasn’t been really productive. I might stay up a little later than usual I guess. Anyway, I took pictures of some pretty looking cupcakes this morning. It is almost as though I had a photo shoot with the cupcakes. :)

I actually intended to blog but somehow I forgot what I wanted to blog. It sucks when I’m under stress, I just can’t write. I don’t like what I write, in fact I don’t really like myself during these times. I am not myself. See what I mean. I’m already starting to crap. And yeah, the I-can’t-write-under-stress rule also applies to writing essays in exams. That will probably explain why my essays usually suck in exams. Maybe it is a good thing that I didn’t take up journalism. But I can safely say that journalism is nothing like writing an essay. It’s almost like blogging. But with a sense of credibility because after all, the articles get published.

Anyway, I just wanted to post some pictures because Danny Lim/Klang/Bak Kut Teh/Garfield/Cat has been bugging me about some pictures Crystie and I took on my phone. So, yea. Here it is.

The few pictures were taken when Celia, girl in purple cardigan, had some problems with her laptop that day.

Hmm, I guess that is all. I’m so not in the mood to blog. Sorry, guys.

I have the weirdest way of de-stressing; I ate a super chocolatey moist chocolate cake which makes my throat go icky. I am also here blogging when most of my classmates are probably studying, pouring themselves over the books and are not on Facebook. The lack of new notifications only proves it, so is my phone. I guess it is only at times like these when having a blog is useful; I get to release some stress over here. It’s better than keeping it all inside.

I think it’s kind of obvious that my final Accounting paper is just round the corner. It is on this Sat, I've got my second last Accounting class today, last one is tomorrow and then from Wednesday till Friday, it is study break. Hmm, I ought to be fully utilizing that break. I can’t slack, man. I can’t afford it especially after my test results are like the rollercoaster ride.

I wouldn’t want any unpleasant surprises on Sun, when the results is purported to be out. It wasn’t release on the expected date the last time. Let’s hope it does this time.

This ought to serve as a wake-up call for me. I have not been sleeping early, my usual go to bed time: 1-2 am. It’s pretty late, I know. The eye bags are getting more obvious. As the days passed, I think I begin to look more like a zombie. I look like shit. Period.

Remember this post; Happy Birthday, my dear? Well, he celebrated his birthday with us in that post and he had another one with his cousins yesterday. It actually wasn’t really a huge party, but oh my holy god, there was just so much work involved in the preparation of getting the food ready for the party. It was a pretty simple menu actually; Fried Chicken, Spaghetti with Mushroom Sauce, Roasted Duck, Fruits Tart. The last two dishes were bought, by the way. So we technically only had to prepare the first two.

I think what was so tedious and took up most of the time was the preparation of the food. Like say the chicken, it had to be marinated, which means you have to prepare the marinating sauce. Mom wanted to do two different variation; the curry one and the ‘nam yee’, (fermented beancurd paste) one.

These were the different types of powder used to marinate the chicken.

The fried chicken, ‘nam yee’ flavoured one. Tastes freaking awesome.

But, what was the hardest part for me was preparing the mushroom spaghetti sauce, one which I personally did most of the cooking. Mom helped out with the seasoning part.

Believe it or not, the mushroom sauce actually took an hour to prepare and the best thing was I had to keep stir fry-ing, or else it’s bound to get burned. Imagine my hands. But it was worth it because my cousins who are really picky eaters actually took a second helping of the pasta.

The kids obviously enjoyed themselves yesterday. My cousins came as early at like 1.30 pm, bringing the house down with their screams. Oh, yes. The boys do scream. Haha. And when Adriel came, they brought the house down with the thumping. Mom and I was cooking downstairs in the kitchen (which is below my brother’s room) and we could hear ‘thud, thud, thud’. The cause of it? Kah Wai was playing the Chicken and Eagle game with them in the room.

Last time, it used to be three girls; me, my sister and my eldest cousin sister. Now, we have three loud, rowdy boys.

Moist Chocolate Cake baked by Ru Yi’s mom.

Everyone said that the cake tastes pretty good, but nah I took a pass. It looks far far too chocolatey than to what I could handle. I’m weird, ain’t I? I would so prefer if it was a cheese cake. But we did have blueberry cheese tarts too.

THIS IS FREAKIN AWESOME. ‘Nuff said.

From the pictures itself, I’m sure you can tell that my brother really enjoyed himself yesterday. Best part was the his presents were all those that he wanted. Maybe not exactly the one from his wish list but he really loved the presents. They were all related to building something and electronic gadgets. Just the way what he wanted.

I slept at 2 am yesterday. I wasn’t supposed to because I technically just finished my mock Accounting exam and I ought to get more sleep. My panda eyes are getting more and more obvious now. Sighs, these late nights are not worth risking my pretty face. I’ll make a promise with myself then; I’ll sleep earlier and stop thinking too much, in return my brain don’t get to think about you at all. Seems like a pretty fair deal, if I can keep to it that is.

Anyway, let’s not get sidetracked. I haven’t been blogging as much as I wanted or intended to. I have like this long list of things I have to blog. And Cammy has like hundreds of pictures that I want to share with the world. Actually, come to think of it now, I have no idea what to put inside this post. Hmm, I think I shall post about Carl’s Jr.

I mentioned that my mock just passed right? My marks wasn’t that bad, but I think it’s probably cause the questions were repeated. I really need to brush on my incomplete records.. That chapter was tough for me during SPM too. I think it’s called Rekod Tak Lengkap then.

So, anyway, we dropped by Pyramid for some Carl’s Jr. because people like me, Crystie and Celia needed our dose of Carl’s Jr. after doing our English assignment on it for two weeks. For two weeks, we were researching on the burgers of Carl’s Jr., practically salivating over our computer looking at the pictures.

I got myself, Chili Cheese Fries. It was not bad, I like the sauce better with pasta. Not with fries. And I like the fries alone. But I might actually eat it again. It was good, not fantastic. And oh, it’s filling too. That is all I ate for lunch.

Let’s get back to my English assignment. We actually tried to keep our topic a secret, seeing how awesome our topic was but somehow rather when the day of the presentation was closing in, our friends found out already. No fun. No fun. And Reuben Pak found out even earlier because his itchy hands clicked on my College folder in my computer when we were doing our emcee script together.

Crys and I. We were all dressed up in formal wear for our Eng presentation. I really liked the skirt I wore that day. It was one cute skirt, too bad I didn’t get a picture of it. And the classroom was superfreakingcold as usual and my legs were shivering. That’s why Crys is in R’s jacket in the second picture.

I look weird in the first picture but I still post it up because Crys and I, both like the background of the picture. See that guy and that girl? Yea, we like that. Oh, that girl is our other member. She is Celia and I like her top that day. Sheer, the way I like it. And we each brought our own laptop. Wee, I might be getting a new one. Fingers crossed.

Looks like a pretty empty classroom, right? Sighs, too bad almost everyone left after their presentation. Less than 10 people stayed behind to watch our Carl’s Jr. presentation. I thought we did a pretty good job, girls. Oh, see this guy in green? He is the monkey and it looks like someone is wearing couple tees. :D

Hey peeps. Firstly, do thanked God that you didn’t see me yesterday. If you did, bless you. You have officially seen me at my worst (actually not really, I went even worse than that before and no, that one is not for public viewing). Thanks to my friends who tried to cheer me up, really appreciate that you gals and guys were there.

If you’re lost as to why I was so upset yesterday, well I basically screwed my sure-cannot-fail-Business-Mathematics paper. I couldn’t even answer the first bloody question, the other remaining four questions were just a blur to me. To make matter worst, the exam hall was so cold till I couldn’t even feel my fingers. Thanks a lot.

Can you see the many many paper of formulas I painstakingly wrote? Like all 14 chapters worth of formulas in there, you know. Sighs, it all went down the drain yesterday at 11 am in the North West building of Sunway University College. And the best part was that after the exam ended, we were given the marking scheme. It just made things worse because as soon as I saw the first page of the scheme and my answers didn’t tally with it, I died on the spot.

And the rest was history. I was emo from then onwards, had a sudden craving for ice-cream but they didn’t have my favourite strawberry gelato in college and I couldn’t get to Pyramid for it, so I settled for some strawberry cheesecake flavoured ice-cream cone which was a huge mistake. Ugh. I shall not torture myself to eat ice-cream I don’t even like.

screw you, Business Maths. (Yes, I do realise screw is a bad word. I’ve been using that word far too much lately.) Well, after like 3 months of ‘studying’ the subject Business Maths, it will come to an end tomorrow. It’s the finals and I finished studying it in like 2 hours. I’m only aiming for a pass after all. I have my core subject, Accounting to worry about.

And I shouldn’t actually be here. But I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. I mean about two days back, I was just really upset over something. Like so upset, I thought I could not go on living anymore. I told no one what happened, I didn’t know how to put them in words, knowing pretty well they wouldn’t understand what I’m going through after all. I guessed keeping it all inside me was way easier.. at least that was what I thought. It’s actually harder and it’s coming back to me again. I guess I haven’t completely gotten over it yet. It’s hard to try to ignore it because every single day I am reminded of what I loss. What could have been, what I should have done and by not doing anything, I lost it all. I feel so caged. I want to break free but

I can’t. And no, it might be hard to believe me, but trust me this ain’t about guys. It’s something entirely different.

Sighs. I think that is about it for now. I ought to get back to studying, wouldn’t want to risk my exams over this. And I’m oh-so-tired of swollen eyes. Enough already, I want my not-so-panda-like eyes back. I look like shit in that picture, right? I think even shit looks better than I do. I slept at 2ish am after perhaps crying an ocean. I have only myself to blame. I am so not doing that to myself ever again.

I don't even know how to say it. I'm just so tired. I really really can't take it anymore. I do wonder how the hell am I going to go through with life now. I probably should stop crying. I look ugly with puffy eyes.