6 Ways to Avoid The Friend Zone

November 14, 2015

By

by Laurel House

You try to play it cool on the first few dates with that guy/girl you met on Zoosk because you don’t want to be deemed “needy," “high maintenance," “aggressive," or “desperate." You make a point at highlighting your common interests. You both like football, you both like the art fair on Sundays, you are both foodies… so you stay on that common ground of topics because they are safe and surface and fun and easy to talk about. At the end of the date, you go “dutch", hug, say goodbye, and you feel like you had a pretty great date. And it was a great time… for friends. Where is the romance? What happened to the woo’ing?

Beware: you very well could be on the brink of falling into the friend zone!

It's all about setting the precedent from the onset. Here are the mistakes made in the above example, each of which could land you in the friend zone.

1. You went “Dutch."

Do you want a friend, a colleague, a business partner…. or do you want a relationship partner? He is paying for dinner. Paying = providing (masculine). Cooking/gifting = nurturing (feminine). We will go more into this (plus alternative ways that the woman can “pay") in another column.

2. You talk about fun and surface topics.

If you eventually want the clothes to come off, you’ve got to dig beyond the exterior by being real and getting raw. That’s how you stand out and create a heart connection.

3. You forgot to flirt!

It’s about the little things - the side glance, the “secret smile," the little touches, the flirtatious and slightly (but not overtly) sexy comments.

4. You act like a buddy.

Hanging out at sports bars, not putting effort into how you look, going dutch… these are all symptoms of friendships. It’s ok to share the same interests. Women - It’s ok if you are a huge sports fan. But remember that you are looking for a boyfriend, not a buddy. You can still be sexy and cheer on your favorite team.

5. You think you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually being a bitch/jerk.

I know… you want to be witty and always have a comeback, and I agree! That banter can be extremely sexy and can be a great technique when it comes to flirting. But there is a difference between sarcastic and bitchy/jerky, and it’s too often confused. Take the edge off. Imagine that they said to you what you said to them. How does it sound?

6. You’re easy going.

Too easy going. You don’t require dates. You just kind of “hang out." You’re missing the chase and moving right into what you consider to be “relationship mode." But you’re wrong. You’ve been friend-zoned.

Honestly, a lot of it is about gender roles. Be feminine. Be masculine. Be in your gender power!

Ladies, it's awesome to have a "cool chick" that enjoys the same things men do, but they want to feel like they're with a date, not a buddy. Guys, be decisive, be confident and most of all, treat her like a lady because that's going to keep you away from the frustration of "The Friend Zone."

The more feminine you are, the more masculine he feels. The more masculine you are, the more feminine she feels. Stop being androgynous. I know - it’s a modern world. But you have more power in your gender role than you ever allowed yourself to embrace.

Are you still looking for the One? Check out our reviews and sign up for one of these great online dating sites today!

Laurel House

Laurel House is an International Dating Coach and Online Dating Expert, and she has been a featured expert on The TODAY Show, E! News, Good Morning America, Nightline, Glamour, AskMen, and dozens of other print, online, and television outlets, with her dating advice videos receiving over 20 million views on YouTube. Her 5th book "Screwing The Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love” was published in December 2014 with Running Press. Learn more about Laurel.

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