Anybody who regularly watches media in Winnipeg is likely accustomed to stories that are essentially guaranteed to make the news every year. They are so predictable given the regularity of their annual occurrence. Here is the narrative of those stories, in the typical chronological order from January through December:

These Hockey Parents are as crass and delusional as Toddler in Tiara Parents.

People are getting tired of winter.

There’s corruption at City Hall yet most Winnipeggers haven’t noticed.

Potholes potholes potholes potholes!

The snow is melting and – big surprise - river levels are rising.

Warmer weather is here! Levels of degradation and shame on the streets have mysteriously spiked.

Suburban Soccer Moms With Dull Lives are wet in the panties about a trendy store that’s opening its first location in Winnipeg.

Why not open the floodway so The Forks river trail will be above the water?

This person is dissatisfied with the service they received from 311.

Aboriginal group demands compensation for ____________.

Person filling up SUV gas tank complains about high gas prices.

“He was a good kid who was turning his life around; pay no attention to all those Facebook photos of him flashing gang signs! RIP”

The Bombers are a disaster both on and off the field.

Farmers are angry.

Heated debate about mosquito fogging and buffer zones features no new arguments.

Come on down to this summer festival! You know it’s chic because of its abundance of metrosexual hipsters!

Uncivilized behaviour by solvent abuser on transit bus ends up on Youtube, let us ponder the ‘root causes.’

Residents who bought their homes next to something that has already been there for decades are now demanding that that something be gone.

Your tax dollars continues to get poured into a white elephant that’s way over budget.

The Downtown BIZ declares that downtown is perfectly safe and promotes findings from their own flawed and biased survey that they administered themselves.

First Nations protesters on horseback demanding ‘decolonization’ fail to see the irony.