Dumbass Pages

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Unfriending On Facebook: A Leading Cause of Arson

Unfriendly

Friends. What would we do without them? We've all had a friend who was more like a brother or sister than just a friend. He (or she) was the person you went to when your girlfriend broke up with you. Or when the death of a loved one changed life as you knew it. Or just to get hammered. Tommy Thompson was that friend to me. Always there when I needed a brother. Always there when a family tragedy struck. And damn sure always there when I was ready to make Adolph Coors Company, Golden, Colorado a lot richer. Then the fucker up and died on me. I'm still pissed at him. No matter though, Tommy is always with me in Spirit when I'm doing something stupid or that family thing happens. He'd probably kick my ass if he knew I quit drinking. Now that's a friend for ya!

Besides missing my Best Friend Ever, I told that little story about Tommy for a reason. The reason? Dumbasses have friends, too. Like these two dumbass bitches in Iowa of all places.

Unfriended

I have been to Iowa. it's a nice place. Middle America, corn, dumbasses....Jennifer Harris had a friend named Nikki. They were friends in real life and friends on Facebook. Then tragedy struck. Tragedy beyond your wildest dreams. Worse even than a death in the family. Nikki unfriended Jennifer on Facebook! Horror of horrors! This comes from the Des Moines Register, "According to Detective Jack Kamerick, the dispute had much to do with a Facebook event the former-best friends were planning. “Jen asked Nikki to create an event on Facebook for a party. Nikki did that,” Kamerick told the Register. “As the date for the party approached there were a lot of ‘declines,’ on Facebook."

In Des Moines, which is French for "my ass burns like the surface of the sun", when you unfriend someone on Facebook, you had just as soon call the Pope a Jehova's Witness. It's serious bidness. Having been unfriended, Jennie became distraught. Very distraught. She was so distraught in fact, that she did the only thing she could do. Unfriend Nikki? Hell no. Nothing that serious. Jennifer promptly marched her unfriended ass to Nikki's house and proceeded to set it on fire! Most of would think that setting your former best friend's house on fire because you were unfriended on Facebook is a little on the extreme side. But this is Des Moines, Iowa we're talking about here. What do you expect the people there to do? Build a Field of Dreams?

That's a great question, Simply. I think if Jennifer had been forewarned of the unfriending, I think the bitch would have simply (pun intended) shot Nikki grave yard dead. See? Even dumbasses come up with thought-provoking questions once in a while. Then again, even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes.