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Friday, July 17, 2009

Friday, July 17, 2009

John here with a wrecky collage of cakes which are “near and dear” to my heart: sports cakes.

I like to think one of the reasons Jen was first attracted to me (besides my devastating, Kiefer-Sutherland-before-he-got-too-skinny-on-24 good looks*, of course) is my natural affinity for sports. Sure, I don't like to watch them much, or talk about them, or really play any, but I am waymore knowledgeable on the subject than Jen is. (Granted, Jen thinks 4D chess deserves its own Olympic category, so that's not saying much, but still...)

Anyway, I've been asked to shed a little testosterone-fueled light on some of these here basketball cakes. Here goes.

The first thing to know is that the ball is round. Like so:

(In the decorator's defense, it is really hard to make a round cake. It’s not like they make pans for that kind of thing.)

This baker solved the round problem with a classic "spinning rug of poo on a bed of scrapple" approach:

Then again, maybe it's not spinning so much as it is sprouting ear hair... which raises a bunch of other questions I won't get into right now.

(Oh, and this is probably a good place to mention that it’s never a good idea to change tips and/or Wreckerators mid-cake. Nobody likes mismatched balls.)

Next we have the ever popular basketball-flower-with-an-obligatory-face cake:

What’s with all the faces on balls anyway? Is there a rule that says that all round objects on a cake have to be looking at you?

And if so, what kind of occasion calls for a nauseous basketball, anyway?

"Ug, I think I'm about to dribble, if you catch my drift..."

At least this last one looks happy, if a bit demented.

Aaaand we’ve come full circle with the round thing again. Given that they're both dreaded CCCs *ptooie* , that's not much of a surprise.

So in conclusion, sports are an inspiring blah blah blah full of life lessons blah blah blah, funny joke that showcases my wit and charm... blah blah.

If you look past the nauseous face on the sick cake, that's actually quite a good basketball. I know it's not the most difficult thing in the world to make, but given some of these other attempts, credit should be given where credit is due.

Why do people say you can't make round cakes, or that they're too hard? I do them all the time, no special pan needed, and no, I don't use the Wilton ball pans either. I use moms good old caserole's from the 50' & 60's. These cakes are just so, so bad.

Life cannot be boring with you too John! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! It's 3.45 pm here in Brussels, Belgium, and I've been hitting the refresh button for the last half hour waiting for my daily bit of laugh! Yet again you have not disappointed me!

Hahah... Scrapple. You just gave me horrible memories of my childhood. My grandma fried that crap up for breakfast like some sort of delicacy, as you couldn't buy it in Ohio -- like, "ooooh, look what we brought back from PA!!"

Will someone please explain the concept of the dreaded CCC to me? They're weird, they're ugly and they involve WAY too much frosting in a (failed) attempt to make them look like a single cohesive unit.

If I'm of a mind to make cupcakes, I at least respect their individuality by decorating them separately.

And if I'm of a mind to create something that doesn't look like Craft Day at the Asylum, I go with an actual cake.

Are CCC's really that popular? I have never seen one in real life...My theory: CCCs are probably like 10% of the total cake population, but since they are almost all wrecks they make up a disproportionate 60% of all cakewrecks.

Where you being sarcastic about round baking pans? I see them all the time in publix. These cakes for some reason aren't the most appetizing in appearance. But I give them credit for effort and an otherwise nice variety of display and information. Thanks.

Great post John... when I 1st saw this was going to be a sports post, my 1st thought wa "Eh..boring." But... this was one of the funniest cakewrecks ever! You really had me laughing, thanks a bunch for brightening my day!SOOO hard to make circles these days...

When exactly did someone decide that CCCs (bleagh) were a good idea? It seems like this particular horror has only sprung up in recent years. The concept is fine, I guess, but the execution is nearly always a disaster.

The first thing I saw in the first cake-seriously-was a small girl with red/orange, poofy hair, standing with her back to us, wearing a white T-shirt and a mesh tank top over that. Someone has squirted the back of her head with Silly String.The next one--underneat that-is not supposed to be a basketball at all; it is an orange and brown, wingless insect (of an unclassified species) that has sent her four hyperactive offspring to stand in the corners because they were bouncing off the walls from eating too much cake.

I can only surmise that the third one down had to have seen it's reflection in the underside of the plastic lid...it looks as if it's thinking, "Oh, S***! THAT thing is ME??? Guess I'm not getting out of HERE any time soon...!"

the first one, the ball w/ net, isn't round because it's a freaking CCC! Why, oh why, do people do this? A CCM, I understand, but a CCC? There are far better uses of buttercream than to abuse it by heaping lumpy mounds of it onto a CCC in order to fake a true cake... Cupcakes everywhere, I urge you to stand and fight for your right to be your own dessert, to have your own frosting and not share it with other cupcakes in a misguided attempt to make you other than you are!

Do you wonder what that last one is smiling about?My guess is:Even though it(1) KNOWS it's ugly, (2) Looks nothing like anything,and(3) Has been called "Mr. Potato Head" all day,It STILL feels lucky, because as much as being him STINKS, he can't smell it--he has no nose!

I don't know when I started writing john (the hubby of Jen) but I did it because I enjoy the fact that Jen is the star of the show. I tinkered briefly with john (the unworthy husband of the great and mighty JEN..en..en) but it got a little wordy.

I just really like being a part of what I consider a pretty awesome community.

john (the hubby of Jen) said... "I tinkered briefly with john (the unworthy husband of the great and mighty JEN..en..en) but it got a little wordy."***********Oh, WOW...! That is a truly awesome effect, there; I instantly flashed on a boxing ring, a mic, and a loudspeaker ("In this cornah...!")--the whole shebang.Alternatively, I also saw a bit of the old "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...!"Too cool. You the MAN, man.=^~~^=

I enjoy your posts, John, and I think it's cool that you pinch hit for Jen from time to time. Get it? Pinch hit? hahahaha... Anyway, these cakes range from ugly to terrifying. Love the bit about round pans. lol

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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