Enough with the crying already

Nobody suffers like Paula. Last night on Hey Paula, the pint-sized popstar broke down. It was just all too much for her to handle. The Bratz movie, which she was set to executive produce, had just told her her services would no longer be needed.

"I really scratch my head and I wonder, 'where's God when you need him? Because this does not make any sense," Paula said. God, I'm pretty sure, is busy helping out people with huge problems, and probably you and the Bratz movie is pretty far down on the list.

En route to New York to do Letterman, Paula freaked more because her hair and makeup stylist couldn't make it from L.A., on account of a snowstorm (oh for crying out loud. Nature's in on the conspiracy, too? This is just too much for Paula to handle). She sobbed again. She could not imagine where she would get someone to do her hair and makeup, because there is such a dearth of those professionals in New York City.

In addition to the only human being who knows how to do hair and makeup, Paula needs her "consultant," a man named Billy who helps coach her through things like talking to David Letterman. "It's one of the biggest shows on television, it has been for a long, long time," we learned from Billy, These consultants are extremely helpful to have around, with all this important information they're imparting. Where do I get one?

What Paula really needed to prepare for were the superfans outside the studio. One girl named Megan was so enthusiastic for Paula, she sobbed and shook. "This is the best, the best day of my life," she gushed to the camera after the meeting. "Me and my friend Ashley, we love you so much. I love you." It was alternately scary and touching. Scary, that someone loves Paula Abdul so much (in my day it was, like Axl Rose, not Paula, who would have gotten a girl all worked up), but touching that a young girl's dreams came true. Cause I never got to meet Axl, which is a bummer. — Amy DiLuna

Who was your teen hero? It's David Cassidy, isn't it. Just admit it's David Cassidy in comments!

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