The World is His Toilet!!!!

I recently posted the episode concerning my soon to be 10yr old son, whipping out his Johnson and whizzing off the front walkway of our home. This action was, of course, performed in full view of neighbors outside enjoying the beautiful day, young children cloaked in innocence playing, cars passing by and the poor mail man who just happened to be doing his job of mail delivery and was therefore visually assaulted.

Yes, I was downstairs performing my dreaded duty of clothing care. I heard him ask our Chihuahua if she had to pee followed by the sound of the front door opening. Pride filled my heart at that very moment as I slaved away, determined to eradicate the existence of stains from our clothes. “Wow, I didn’t even have to ask or remind him to put the dog(s) out…he is showing such responsibility…what a great kid” were the thoughts that filled my mind as a smile beamed across my face. I decided to press pause on my laundry duties and check out the house breaking progress of the little rat assuring that she did not decide to bolt on my son once given the freedom of the great outdoors. Still beaming, I rounded the corner and bounced up the steps to the front door. Expecting to see a Chihuahua in the squat position, I carefully peaked out the door so as not to distract her. Horror filled my heart when instead of the dog relieving herself, I saw my son with his package fully exposed and streaming a forceful flow of urine high in the sky. He shielded the sun from his eyes with one hand as he tracked his urine rainbow in the sky. I stood frozen fearing my corrections would only attract more attention. Humans, humans and more humans were all around him. Some giggled while others turned their heads in either embarrassment or out of respect for his privacy that he seemed to care little about. Kids could be heard laughing and trying to suppress their giggles. The couple of cars that were passing by slowed dramatically once catching a glimpse of the urine rainbow that is, until they discovered its source. Then once identifying the origination of the beautiful translucent stream, they increased to almost light speed proportions and zoomed away. I sucked in my breath as I heard the familiar sound of the mail truck with its squeaky breaks coming to a stop directly in front of our home. The mailman unexpectedly gazed up as he usually does to offer a polite wave or nod, only this time his hello was met with blazen glory! My son waved and smiled a crooked smile of extreme relief and satisfaction as he “shook” his man friend and put it carefully away. The unprepared mailman shielded his eyes with the mail as he quickly placed it in the box and hurriedly left never once looking back.

He turned around and seeing me (still frozen) for the first time he nonchalantly replied “Oh hey mom, I took Sophie out to pee because I had to pee too…I couldn’t hold it so I just went and I was thinking that maybe it will help her smell the scent when she is out here.” Clever boy. Then true to the male nature he added with pride “…and man was my bladder loaded….I really shot that high!!” Scooping up Sophie, he hurried past me and retreated downstairs before I could snap out of my dazed stupor and bring correction because, of course it goes without saying but, he knows better!

Boys will be boys. I guess having a hose like plumbing apparatus comes with certain advantages that we females know nothing about. Never in a gazillion years will mankind witness females (of any age) popping a squat in the yard while in full view of all of creation and then proceed to brag about it later. Nope. Never. So Men, the world is your toilet in more ways than one…PEE RESPONSIBLY!