// Overseas travel blog

Today, yet again, my Pump class at the gym (auf Deutsch, natürlich) delivered some solid entertainment and language practice. At school over the last week we’ve been a bit frazzled trying to piece together the grammar of the Je….desto/ Je…..umso combinations. In English, this “proportional conjunction” translates as The (longer/harder/more/quicker) the xxx, the (better, more expensive, stronger) x/y/z will be. I’ve got it now, but it took some practice. Now I hear it everywhere.

The squat track was too much to handle and I almost lost my shit laughing. Squatting and laughing do not go hand-in-hand. I’ve been to the same weekly session a few times now, and there is an 80/20 mix of girls/ guys, with the same guys there each time. They’re all overtly gay and either friends of said instructor trying to be more than friends with him. Yesterday one of these guy set his bench and bar up centred directly in front of the stage, and 2 people back from the front. I have no doubt his position was carefully picked. There were another 2 people behind him, and then me. This guy was wearing a very low cut singlet that barely passed as clothing, and super tight full-length tights. At the start of the class while the instructor was trying to set up, another older, overweight guy was chatting with him and doing a lot of giggling and arm touching. This went on for at least a minute while we were all waiting to start, he eventually let out a huge hearty laugh and made his way back to his poorer positioned station to the left of the stage.

We made it a couple of tracks in and then got into the squat track. As per usual, the repetitions alternated starting with slow squats for a downwards motion of 4 counts, and then up for another 4, and then getting quicker – changing to 2 counts in a downwards motion, followed by 2 counts upwards and so on.

​We had gone through half the song and everyone was getting fatigued, and then it came to the part where it’s a quick downwards squat and then hold for three seconds before returning to the starting position. Front and centre guy with his tight tights and material scrap singlet kept coming up from the hold too early, along with a few others, and the trainer started saying “Nein! Ihr kommt zu schnell zurück!” (No, you guys are coming up too quickly!).

We continued: “Drei, zwei eins und STOP!” The instructor looked straight ahead, focusing directly on tighty-tights as they both bobbed down to a squat position in time with the music. The hold seemed to go for an eternity, and they remained in the squat position looking at each other intently, the instructor said, “Wartet…noch nicht…wartet..und JETZT”! (Wait, not yet, wait… and now!) and they slowly rose together back to starting position. With the next beat, down! And they dropped back into a squat. The eye contact continued, while the instructor gave a smirk and said, “Noch nicht, mm-mm, noch nicht, noch nicht…” (Not yet, mm-mm, not yet…) and they rose together once more, eye contact unbroken. The third time, as they held their squat, I could see the sweat dripping off tighty tight’s bare back.

They both remained in squat position as the instructor repeated his previous commands and smirked again. This time his smirk broke into a grin and he bit his bottom lip. I only wished there were mirrors at the front of the room so I could see what was going on with the other guy’s face.

The class finished without too much else happening apart from the jolly, overweight guy doing some enthusiastic shouting during one of the following tracks to rally up some attention. Nonetheless, I don’t think it could compete with the moment that the other two shared in the depths of their squat.