I am taking a dark road among most of the people. A road that may take me to somewhere safe, perilous, nowhere or to a bottomless pit where I will fall endlessly until time is exhausted and gravity has aged and forgotten its nature.

–Me

These past few years, it’s been hell inside my mind. It’s like every hour my ego is playing bowling and the pins stand as my thoughts–and he never missed a strike ever since. I never had a steady, and focused mindset since that day. Since I was obsessed with conspiracy theories.

Conspiracy theories are not legitimately true, I know it. That’s why it’s regarded as a theory. I just like the fact that it opens a door to certain possibilities. It shows you something more beyond what you thought you knew. A new form of knowledge that can be destructive. An idea that grows as a virus inside a person’s head and the next thing he knew, he is creating a conspiracy in his own life.

Yeah, it can cause paranoia. I have been there. The only key is not to dwell too much on it. It is one of those concepts that makes you want for more. A seduction to your naive thoughts. Mainly because you are seeing things in a definitely larger scale. You are going beyond what is normal–what you think you knew and yet, you still have little knowledge of it. You see your own world in a different perspective. You are entering in a world that is full of infinite possibilities of uncertainties.

Dealing with absolutes has been a struggle for me. Everyday almost everything is almost hard for me to believe and regard it as Real. I began to doubt everything even my own existence. I wondered if what if I never exist? What if I am just a projection of someone who thinks and administers my every action until now? A mental being processed inside someone’s head. If I tell this to some commoner, I can imagine him telling me, “Shut up. Here you are talking to me and you’re telling me you’re not real? Nonsense.” That’s the most likely scenario I can think of, but haven’t you noticed? I just “created” someone in my imagination for that certain purpose. To contradict myself. To doubt myself by the use of my own capabilities. What if I am the same as the imaginary persona I just made?

And is there even such a thing we can consider as absolute? I stopped to deal with absolutes. I accepted that perfection only exists in the mind. Where we can consider something to be absolutely something we think it ought to be. Because, let’s face it, we live in an imperfect world as imperfect beings. Everything has its own flaws, accept it or not. A flower can be beautiful but once it’s time runs out, it dies and the beauty fades therefore not making it absolutely beautiful. One may consider it to be in a certain state. That’s how Time fucks everything up.