http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
Q: Mr. Answer Man, what is the problem with counting those ballots in Florida?

A: It turns out that in an attempt to save money, the state of Florida had all the votes
counted at Disney World in Orlando.

Q: Was there a problem with this?

A: Yes. It turns out that Pluto ate more than 270,000 thousand ballots, Goofy turned 136,000
into paper airplanes and Donald Duck wrote in his name on nearly half a million.

Q: Should we be nervous?

A: No. This is the biggest "disconnect" since impeachment: The media are in an absolute tizzy,
and the public is yawning. A CBS/New York Times poll has found that 72 percent of Americans are
not worried in the least, an ABC/Washington Post poll found that 85 percent are unconcerned,
and a poll I did yesterday of one bartender and two cab drivers shows 66 percent think the Mets
should have won the World Series, plus or minus 3 percent.

Q: Are you convinced that everything in Florida is on the up and up?

A: Oh, sure. The governor is George W. Bush's brother, the secretary of state in charge of
counting the votes was co-chairman of the Bush campaign in the state. Plus, according to USA
Today, "She has been investigated for campaign-finance violations and criticized for spending
state money jetting around the world, spending up to $500 a night for hotel rooms in
Washington."

Q: Is that a lot for a hotel room in Washington?

A: You can stay in the Lincoln Bedroom for cheaper.

Q: So Florida might not be the most honest state in America in terms of counting ballots?

A: Let's just say that when I die I want to be buried in Florida so I can still take an active
part in politics there.

Q: But why were so many people confused about how to vote in Florida?

A: This is a mystery. How come people who can keep track of six bingo cards at one time can't
mark a ballot?

Q: Since Gore got more votes than Bush nationwide, why isn't he the president-elect?

A: Because the Founding Fathers invented something called the Electoral College, which was
originally a beauty school granting degrees in cosmetology.

Q: Really?

A: No, not really. The Electoral College was created because the Founders had an 18th century
fear of the masses and wanted to be sure the landed gentry ultimately controlled presidential
elections.

Q: Do we still have a landed gentry in America?

A: No, we traded them for Alaska.

Q: But what happens if we don't have a new president by Jan. 20?

A: Bush and Gore could become co-presidents, each serving for two years. Or Plan B.

Q: What's Plan B.

A: Bill Clinton becomes president for life.

Q: Would that be a bad thing?

A: Well, we wouldn't have to repaint.

Q: One last question: What is that thing on George W. Bush's face?

A: A boil. He got it immediately after Election Day.

Q: Is it serious?

A: No, but if it is followed by frogs, gnats, flies, hail, locusts, darkness and rivers
turning to blood ... he better watch
out.