Saturday, February 19, 2011

Boy, do I love award season! It all leads up to one suspenseful night filled with champagne & deviled eggs. Hopefully I won't pass out on the car ride home again like last year; Tarantino was robbed in the Best Original Screenplay category. I was so upset, I drank myself stupid. I would also like to have a chat with whomever thought Anne Hathaway would make a good host. BLUE VALENTINE is my favorite film out of this year's picks; check it out if you haven't already. So I've done a little research and without further adieu, here are my 2011 Oscar Predictions:

Best PictureI've pretty much seen every nominated film in this category except TOY STORY 3 which I refuse to watch. Maybe instead of nominating an animated film for Best Pic, The Academy could have nominated a real film like BLUE VALENTINE. What is this The People's Choice Awards? I personally would love to see WINTER'S BONE get some recognition but that won't happen. This year, the race is between THE KING'S SPEECH and THE SOCIAL NETWORK.

Final Answer: THE KING'S SPEECH

Best DirectorShame on The Academy for snubbing Christopher Nolan. I'm not saying he should win this award, but he at best deserved a nomination. This is the year that Fincher finally gets the recognition he deserves. He is an incredible director who has come a long way from being an assistant cameraman on RETURN OF THE JEDI and shooting Paula Abdul videos.

Final Answer: David Fincher THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Best ActorThe minute I saw THE KING'S SPEECH, I knew Colin Firth was gonna dominate this category. In all honesty, he should have gotten an Oscar for A SINGLE MAN, but it was The Dude's turn to win last year. This year is all about Colin Firth. Poor poor Leo, snubbed again by The Academy. I respect Leo as an actor and I feel like he's gonna be in this game a long time (as long as he keeps working with Scorsese) so he'll pick up an Oscar later on down the line. It would have been nice to see Ryan Goseling nominated in this category for BLUE VALENTINE. His role in that film shook me to the core. It's good to see he's redeemed himself for that NOTEBOOK bullshit.

Final Answer: Colin Firth

Best ActressHave I told you how much I despise Natalie Portman? I have a laundry list of grievances with her that I will save for another post. I will say this: YOU CANNOT BE IN A STAR WARS FILM AND ADMIT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY STAR WARS FILMS BEFORE! Anyhow, I did enjoy BLACK SWAN, saw it twice in fact. I also enjoyed Jennifer Lawrence in WINTER'S BONE, she really proved herself as a young up and coming actress. There's that slight chance that Annette Benning may finally get her career Oscar. She should have gotten it for AMERICAN BEAUTY but Hillary Swank got the award that year. I'm all for Career Oscars, Scorsese finally got his a couple years back with THE DEPARTED. But so help me god if Natalie Portman starts talking about baby daddy and snorting on that podium again.

Final Answer: Natalie Portman

Best Supporting ActorIf Fake Michael Cera can be nominated in the Best Actor category, why didn't they nominate Andrew Garfield in Supporting? I enjoyed his performance in SOCIAL NETWORK much more than Fake Cera (but not as much as JT's performance for obvious reasons). That Garfield kid is gonna do big things and I'm not just referring to SPIDERMAN. He was great in THE RED RIDING TRILOGY & THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS. This award is going to Christian Bale hands down. This is also kind of a Career Oscar; I mean the guy lost 60lbs for THE MACHINIST. I only hope they play this song when he wins:

Final Answer: Christian Bale

Best Supporting ActressIf you would've asked me a couple weeks ago who should win this award, I would have said Melissa Leo. However, in light of recent events I think Melissa Leo fucked herself. The Academy does not like personal campaigns and generally punishes any kind of bragadocious attitudes. Hailee Steinfeld just might have edged her out of the game. This kid was extraordinary in TRUE GRIT. Amy Adams already has an Oscar so I think her chances are pretty slim of getting another (Tom Hanks lightening doesn't strike very often). Also, instead of nominating Jacki Weaver (don't get me wrong, ANIMAL KINGDOM was really good, but Best Supporting Actress?), Mila Kunis should have been recognized for her compelling role in BLACK SWAN.

Final Answer: Hailee Steinfeld

Best Adapted ScreenplayAaron Sorkin cleaned up at all the other awards shows in this category. I think he's got it locked in, unless the Academy throws WINTER'S BONE a bone. Did you know Sorkin also wrote the screenplay for A FEW GOOD MEN?

Final Answer: THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Best Original ScreenplaySince Christopher Nolan got stubbed in the directing category, I think INCEPTION is gonna clean up on technical awards. There is a slight chance that THE KING'S SPEECH might take this award.Final Answer: INCEPTION

Best EditingDavid Fincher's films always have really sharp concise editing. I think the editing in THE SOCIAL NETWORK is what made the storytelling so fluid. Final Answer: THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Best CinematographyWhat can I say? The Coens have perfected the art of cinematography! They can make the shittiest parts of Texas look breathtaking and colossal. Final Answer: TRUE GRIT

Best ScoreIf you would have told me years ago when I was dancing at the gay/goth bar to NIN's "Closer," that Trent Reznor would be an Oscar Nominee I would've laughed in your face. He and Fincher have created a relationship that works marvelously on screen. If you remember, he also scored SEVEN and that film would not have been as haunting without it's anguished soundtrack.

Final Answer: THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Best DocumentaryI would love to see Banksy win just as much as you, but will it really happen? Very unlikely. Don't forget how conservative The Academy is. Banksy may just be a little too much for them. I wouldn't be surprised if RESTREPO took this category considering how much they loved THE HURT LOCKER last year. I think EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP has a slight chance of winning just so we can see if he'll really show up. Final Answer: RESTREPO

Best ForeignThis is one of my favorite categories and I have been so torn over who will win. I absolutely loved DOGTOOTH, but I think it may be a little too risque for the Academy. There has been much buzz surrounding IN A BETTER WORLD & INCENDIES. I think BIUTIFUL will take this category. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu has build great momentum behind his films (BABEL, AMORRES PERROS, 21 GRAMS) and proven himself as an amazing director. If they take this award, it will make up for Javier Bardem's loss in the Best Actor category. By the way, his role in BIUTIFUL is the first performance entirely in Spanish to be nominated for Best Actor. If you only see one film from this whole list, please see BIUTIFUL. Of course I'm completely biased because I really love Javier Bardem. DOGTOOTH is also great; if Lars Von Trier directed THE VILLAGE it would be DOGTOOTH. Final Answer: BIUTIFUL

I know I left out a few more categories, but as I said before if it's a technical award (Visual Effects, Sound Editing/Mixing, Art Direction) it goes to INCEPTION. If it's Animated or Best Song category, I say TOY STORY 3. Who really cares about Make-up or Shorts? Notice how these winners are usually the ones with the longest acceptance speeches. Anyhow, I will see you guys next Sunday. Good luck to all my favorites!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

There's another little awards show just around the corner, The Razzies! In honor of The Golden Raspberry, I thought I'd share my least favorite films of 2010. Now I narrowingly missed JONAH HEX, SEX & THE CITY 2, ECLIPSE, THE LAST AIRBENDER, and LITTLE FOCKERS. However, I did manage to sit through a few stinkers. Maybe I can save you some trouble by not seeing these atrocious "films."

THE LAST EXORCISMI had high hopes for this film. Eli Roth was really pushing this one and I gave it a chance because I trust him. This was a bigger let down than finding out the Easter Bunny is not real. It was a great concept, good story, and the acting was great. BUT, the ending fell by the wayside. Is it possible that THE EXORCIST cursed (no pun intended) the possession genre. NOTHING has come remotely close to it! I just feel like the ending for EXORCISM was hastily thrown together and we were all left thinking, "What just happened?"

DUE DATEI really want to scold RDJ for doing this turd. RDJ has come a long way and has only gotten more dignified as an actor. Some may say, he can do no wrong. Those people did not see this crap. The story was ridiculous but no where near as sophomoric as Galifianakis. HE IS NOT FUNNY! He plays the same character in EVERY film/skit. The awkward, socially handicap friend routine works in those other movies because he's not a central character. When all you hear for an hour and a half long movie is Galifianakis' asinine jokes, you just want to stab your ears out. Not even RDJ could save this atrocity. The dog was the only redeeming quality. My advice for RDJ is to leave this nonsense to Ashton Kutcher.

IRON MAN IIHow many crimes can RDJ commit in one year? Is he on drugs again? What the fuck? I'm not gonna say this film was terrible, but it wasn't good. First of all, it was too long and second of all, they introduced too many characters at once. There was WAY too much going on in this movie, it was like suicide nite at the carnival. The Scarlett Johansson character was completely unnecessary. The only purpose she served was a boner for fanboys. I'm through with this franchise. Shame on Justin Theroux for writing this bad script.

THE RUNAWAYSWow, what a steamy pile of shit. This is probably some of THE worst acting I have ever seen (keep in mind I have watched SUBURBAN COMMANDO). Is this what the future of film holds? One dimensional actresses with pouty faces and hipster haircuts? If so, I'm moving to France and trying my hand at the extreme horror genre. No wonder Lita Ford didn't want her name associated with this garbage. This monstrosity was created for one purpose only (not just to promote Cherie Currie's book), to make TWILIGHT bitch and Dakota Fanning kiss. PS- Not even that looked good!

I'M STILL HEREOk, I may be a bit biased because I have ALWAYS despised Joaquin Phoenix. I think he's a mediocre actor who plays up this outlandish alter ego because he's too boring for his family of eccentrics. He needs to leave the conflicted, misunderstood actor antics to Christian Bale. Shame on Casey Affleck for marrying into this weirdo family. Whether or not you knew it was a fake upon watching is irrelevant. If you were indifferent towards Joaquin before, this mockumentary will make you loathe him. Disagree all you want Vince. My only question is: If River Phoenix were alive today, would anyone give a shit who Joaquin is?

TRASH HUMPERSI like weird shit. I love offensive shit. I even like disturbing shit. This film is just insulting shit! I watched it because it was so hyped up at SXSW. Harmony Korine is one of these NY elitist film aficionados who spew silly conundrums like "What is art?", "Is art art?" I found nothing shocking or outrageous about this film, only pretentious. The thing is, no one would give a shit about this film if Joe Schmoe in middle of nowhere Missouri made it. But since Harmony Korine did it, everyone has to analyze and discuss it. I read a review that some guy posted; it said his girlfriend ran out of the theatre crying after 20mins and questioned whether or not they should be together because she couldn't understand why he would take her to see something like that. I think what we really need to examine is why Harmony Korine is famous. Sure KIDS was great (he only wrote the script), but everything else sucks.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Well here we are already into February of the new year. It would appear that this year will be very interesting. Honestly, I've been busier than a chimp in a beat off contest. However, I could feel my birthday looming ahead (Jan 27Th) and I couldn't be more unenthusiastic about it. As a child, my birthday was never a big deal. We didn't have a lot of money to do anything extravagant. One year, my parents took my sister and I to Chuck E. Cheese for my birthday. I received the tree house play set from The Shirt Tales and spent most of the evening mesmerized by the mechanical Elvis impersonating dog. The best part was that my dad stole a bunch of birthday hats and noisemakers from a neighboring table that was set up for a party.

As I got older (16+), I made my birthday a self imposed week of celebration and debauchery. When I turned 16yrs old, we had a huge party complete with 4 bands and 3 kegs. I still went to Chuck E Cheese each year out of tradition. I'll spare you the details of all the debauchery but it was pretty extraordinary. At that age, I never ever considered what 20 would be or 22, let alone where I am today.

The last few birthdays have been pretty tame and quiet. As the years inch by, I'm very reluctant to age. This birthday was a tough one for me. So much has changed in my life that at times, I feel like I'm starting all over again. Why are we so cautious to age? Where does this stigma related to "getting old" come from(especially for women)? To tell you the truth, I just don't feel as special as I once did. And I'm starting to think I never will which sounds horribly grim.

Here's my dilemma: I do not plan on having children and I'm very indifferent towards marriage so when do I have my one "special day?" Never from the looks of it! Granted, I have made those decisions for myself and I am happy with them. But there comes an age, when the married childbearing people reap all the benefits. My birthday may very well be the only day I get to myself and it's not socially acceptable for a 30, 40, or 50yr old to make a spectacle of birthdays. Am I being ridiculous? Quit possibly, but hear me out.

Throughout my own personal self inflicted lament, I managed to have a very lovely birthday thanks to my wonderful friends. Living alone in Austin for so many years, I (like most of you) have created my own family of friends who pose as an amazing support system while my real family is miles away. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be surrounded by. The overwhelming amount of adulation, respect, generosity, and loyalty I have received is unbelievable. I am so fortunate to have such great people in my life. You have all warmed my cold black heart. I thank you for everything you've done for me.