Introvert: How To Feel Comfortable Getting Closer

You’ve been on a couple of dates with someone. You know that they are going to try to go in for the kiss. Or they will expect you to make a move. How do you react?

If you’re like me, and many other introverts, you tense up.

The thought of letting someone new into our invisible personal space bubble is stressful for introverts.

We’re selective about who we let into our inner circle. And we’re even more selective about who we get physical with. I’m not just talking about sex. Even the first stages of physical intimacy can cause anxiety for introverts.

So, back to my initial question. When you know it’s time to get a little closer, how do you react?

Do you pull away, even if you like the person?

Do you get all awkward and feel like a total dork?

Do you hold your breath and just ‘get it over with’ like it’s a spoon full of medicine?

While all of the above reactions are quite common, you probably don’t like the uncomfortable feeling that accompanies them.

Below are some steps that have helped me warm up to physical intimacy.

Step 1: Remember Who’s In Control

You don’t have to get physical if you don’t want to. Feeling like you have to do something is the ultimate turn off. Remember that you are in control of your own body. Simply knowing that will take the pressure off and help you to relax.

Step 2: Pay Attention

As an introvert, you are great at noticing subtle signals others might miss. Use this skill to pick up on cues from your date. Does he seem nervous? Maybe he needs some encouragement. Is she cuddling up to you? It’s a safe bet that she wants you to put her arm around her.

Step 3: Try To Cover All The Bases

Homeruns are great when you’re playing baseball. When dating, you want to spend a little bit of time on each base before sliding into third. You want to dribble a little before the grand slam dunk. You want to practice skating before you get your hands on a hockey stick.

As an introvert, you’ll feel much more comfortable starting out with subtle touch before launching into a steamy makeout session, or leaping into bed.

1 Comment

Andra
on May 6, 2015 at 7:52 pm

Hi, i just discovered your site a couple of days ago, and i think it’s a great resource. I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and today i watched the replay of the webinar on getting closer, and it was such a relief to realize there’s nothing wrong with me! I am a highly introverted woman, and hsp and an empath, and dating is a huge stress for me because most men just seem to think it’s ok to bust in and kiss or touch me intimately on the first date! I am extremely unconfortable with peopld invading my privacy like that, or touching my face when we’re basically complete strangers, and oftentimes i have very obvious reactions of anger and indignation at such intrusions. Everybody found that so strange that i was wondering if it’s just me that needs the slow and sweet approach, with touches building up and flirting for a while before a kiss or anything else. I got so many women telling me i should just accept it that men are physical, and they touch and fondle, that i was really feeling like a complete weirdo for not being even remotely turned on by that sort of behaviour; i was starting to feel like i was being told i should just accept all men are pigs and never think of a woman as anything more than a sex toy! I was pretty much ready to give up and resign myself to a life alone since i could not put up with behaviour that made me feel objectified and pissed me off no end… But then i got depressed and thought that there must still be something wrong with me because even the one guy who did all the right things all the way to that first kiss and spent months getting to know me and woo me, even he left me after a week… And although he kept saying it was his not being ready for a relationship, i still felt it was somehow my fault. Now i know it’s not me. If other women like the slow approach and conssider it normal, then i must conclude that i am normal, only extremely unlucky…?! That one guy is still a friend and keeps telling me how wonderful i am, but i am sort of loosing hope i’ll ever find love… 🙁