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Game Thread: Twins @ Rays, 4/20@6:10pm CT

Things will get back to normal tonight when the Twins open up a 3-game series in Tampa. By normal, I mean just a normal series in a normal location with no chance of abnormal weather changing plans.

Don’t get me wrong… I had zero complaints about the 2-game series in San Juan. I was just implying it wasn’t normal because it wasn’t normal. Not normal is perfectly OK. In fact… I believe that MLB should choose a few more alternative sites to play some not normal regular season games. It may be shocking that I have some location suggestions but I actually do.

Honolulu – It’s really hard for Hawaiians to see a professional baseball game. The closest major league city is San Francisco and that is 2,397 miles away. That’s a 5 hour non-stop flight and 48 years by car. Let the ball players come to them for a change.

London – Baseball is making plans for a series in London in 2019. The NFL has a regular season game at Wembley Stadium every year but the dimensions of Wembley wouldn’t fit for baseball. The solution is to move the games back to America to find a stadium. Make no mistake… MLB is serious about playing some games in London… even if they have to be played in America.

A former 911 operator in Houston was found guilty of hanging up on people seeking emergency assistance. Records show thousands of calls that lasted less than 20 seconds were attributed to 44 year old Crenshanda Williams over a span of 18 months. Suspicions were finally raised after an audit detected the high volume of short phone calls. When questioned why, she replied that “she didn’t feel like talking to anyone at those times.” After a jury trial, she was sentenced to a misdemeanor and ordered to serve 10 days in jail with 18 months probation. I have some questions because there isn’t a single part of this story that I can get my arms around. What did she think her job was? How did she get away with it over 1,000 times over a span of 18 months? How is this only a misdemeanor? And why was a jury of peers required to take time off of work to decide a misdemeanor conviction? And… perhaps the biggest question of all… what are the best restaurants in Houston?

2. Our Twins:

Byron Buxton was placed on the 10-day DL while Max Kepler is reported to be OK. The Twins were very close to having to offering a contract to Delmon Young to play against the Rays. Here’s another thought… the Twins have played very little baseball in seven days while playing a lot of baseball in two days.

3. The Rays:

We will get to watch old traded friends Denard Span, Carlos Gomez and Wilson Ramos this weekend. I won’t bring up Chih-Wei Hu who was traded for Kevin Jepsen because I know that trade is still a sore spot. Looking at this closer… it occurs to me that there are more ex-Twins on the Rays roster than ex-Twins on the Twins roster.

4. Today’s Joe M Conversation:

Morgan: What are ya doin'?

Montana: I’m writing a letter to Preparation H.

Mauer: Why?

Montana: Because it isn’t working and I want my money back.

McCarthy: What does it say?

Montana: Dear Preparation H, Your product does not work! I ate the whole tube and it has provided me no relief. I have enclosed pictures that show that it isn’t working.

Maddon: Don’t put those pictures in there!

5. Secret of Success:

I have been successful at almost everything I’ve done. I will give everyone the secret free of charge:If at first you don’t succeed… redefine what success is.

I knew a shameless plug once. It was back during my horse-training days, a half dozen lifetimes ago.

This young twenty-something chick came to my stable with this gray mare for breeding. The mare, not the young chick. And the “breeder” was my quarter-horse stallion, not me. Anyway, given the TD game thread clientele I thought I’d better clear that stuff up right away.

Back to the story.

In order to prevent injuries to my stallion, some mares don’t take kindly to getting bred, I used a breeding harness on mares. Nothing scientific or cruel, just a series of leather straps with pulleys and ropes that prevent mares from kicking when a stud horse is in flagrante delicto and various key elements of the breeding process are greatly exposed.

Again back to the story.

Anyway the young chick watched the entire process and went away mad as hell. She called me several weeks later and told me she would never come for breeding again; talking about the mare again, not the young chick.

Being a charming sort, I managed to settle her down and wrest her objection from her. She replied, “My mare never had a chance!”

Fifty years later I sometimes still lay awake nights wondering what it was she thought that shameless old plug of hers needed a chance to do.

Interesting side note: the average riding horse generates 47 pounds of manure per day. Not sure how much the above average horse generates. Anyway, I haven’t shoveled any manure for the last forty years or so. At least not until I discovered TD Game Threads.

I knew a shameless plug once. It was back during my horse-training days, a half dozen lifetimes ago.

This young twenty-something chick came to my stable with this gray mare for breeding. The mare, not the young chick. And the “breeder” was my quarter-horse stallion, not me. Anyway, given the TD game thread clientele I thought I’d better clear that stuff up right away.

Back to the story.

In order to prevent injuries to my stallion, some mares don’t take kindly to getting bred, I used a breeding harness on mares. Nothing scientific or cruel, just a series of leather straps with pulleys and ropes that prevent mares from kicking when a stud horse is in flagrante delicto and various key elements of the breeding process are greatly exposed.

Again back to the story.

Anyway the young chick watched the entire process and went away mad as hell. She called me several weeks later and told me she would never come for breeding again; talking about the mare again, not the young chick.

Being a charming sort, I managed to settle her down and wrest her objection from her. She replied, “My mare never had a chance!”

Fifty years later I sometimes still lay awake nights wondering what it was she thought that shameless old plug of hers needed a chance to do.

Interesting side note: the average riding horse generates 47 pounds of manure per day. Not sure how much the above average horse generates. Anyway, I haven’t shoveled any manure for the last forty years or so. At least not until I discovered TD Game Threads.

Talk about heavy lifting...

There are so many different directions I could go on this...and all of them would get me banned from TD.

I call it being inciteful. That makes me an inciter. I was an exciter in my younger days. The difference is I used to make trouble whereas now I just cause trouble.

So go ahead, ride one of them horses! We've got a few hours before game time.

Well, you said she went away mad...perhaps she had some expectations that you were oblivious to...and then she called back...perhaps she wanted a second chance (for the mare of course).Just saying that an opportunity missed is an opportunity lost.