Kickass new car

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is chagrined to report that his keeper has gone into his 8-9 year cycle of car molting in which he attempts to update his personal vehicle. Think of it as a duck landing in an oil spill. He flounders pitifully until some compassionate car salesman fishes him out of the soup and has enough self control to avoid laughing at someone who thinks the electric starter is high tech because he remembers hand-cranks; and also remembers, fondly, stopping at service stations to ask for directions instead of being nagged by a remote navigation voice that doesn’t really give a good GD what you think or what you shout in response. Kickass is looking forward to marking the new wheels and shedding hair on the new upholstery. His keeper, meanwhile, is thinking how wonderful it was when a cruise control was someone in the passenger seat saying, “You better slow down or you’re going to get a speeding ticket.”