As an infant, I gave sleepless nights to Mommy and Daddy as I was always hungry, my appetite just couldn’t be satiated. The more Mommy fed me her milk, the more hungry I would get and refused to sleep. One night I cried my lungs out and turned tomato red by 5 am. A panicky Daddy and Mommy rushed me to the hospital. That’s when Mommy and Dad discovered that due to low supply of milk, my hunger pangs remained and hence the difficulty in going to sleep. I had to be put on formula milk.

I saw my Mom shed copious amounts of tears as she held me close to her bosom and I suckled from the bottle. I quite enjoyed the formula milk, I did not have to struggle much and I could have my fill. Did I love my Mommy any less? Hell no. But people all around including some near and dear ones tormented her for the sin she was committing. She was labelled a “bad mom”. For me she was always my most precious Angel. Its funny no one said a word about Dad though, I never quite got the logic to that.

I was a bit slow in picking up things as compared to my peers. While many started walking by age one, I only started walking by the time I was 1 year 2 months. People attributed my slowness to formula milk, having been deprived of my mother’s milk. I don’t get how does it matter if I started doing things late. I did them perfectly anyway, I never knew there is a race here at every stage – right from eating to farting. When will people stop judging? I wonder and I close my eyes as I can’t really find an answer to this ever eluding question.

Linking up with #BlogchatterA2Z

My theme for the challenge is

“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.

(Image courtesy- Similac)

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Published by Akshata Ram

Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. I was chosen as one of the top 10 Indian women bloggers to be followed by Women's Web in 2017. Contact me at akshata.ram@gmail.com
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Well, Akshata, people will never stop judging, and you have no control over people. The only thing that you have absolute control is upon yourself.

This is where I differ from other feminists. They want to change the society to alleviate their miserable conditions. My understanding is that I cannot change my circumstances but myself only. I believe in one feminine trait strongly that many females don’t believe in these days and that is ACCEPTANCE.

I know that someone can scold me, abuse me, beat me, and even kill me, but one thing that cannot be taken from me is my freedom to be happy and blissful. Freedom lies in fearlessness. I believe in fearless style of positive living.

This is a valid point only in case of things beyond our control Ravish. But accepting them and making peace is not always the solution. If feminists wouldn’t have fought for equal rights of women at work, merely accepting it as something beyond our control, perhaps women like me would be sitting at home and come this far.

You are right, Akshata, that if women would not have launched the feminist movement, women would not be working like this. And, I’m not saying that they should have accepted their condition and should have been sitting at home. I’m not dictating choices on them. I’m just saying that every choice has its consequences and you have to accept the consequences whole-heartedly if you want to be happy. Acceptance is the key to happiness.

Anand Bakshi famously said, “Kuchh to log kahenge logon ka kaam hai kehna.” Some moms choose to work and some choose to stay at home. And, no choice is better than the other in any way. Both have pros and cons. Working mom as well as SAHM both are facing comments and judgments because of their choices.

You have the freedom to put your arguments but what people will make out it is not in your control. You have to accept their judgments. Some will agree and some won’t. Many people agreed with Jesus and its example is the existence of Christianity, but many also disagreed and the disagreement was to the extent that he was crucified.

So, if you’re fighting for a cause or whatever you’re doing it doesn’t matter, be prepared for the consequences, like judgments, abuses, threats, or even death.

Judging comes naturally to people. Whatever we do they will have a say no matter what. it does not matter how they are but people put across their opinions without a thought to other’s emotions. Will keep reading for more. You could drop by to read mine https://sukrisblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/04/1946/

That’s a lovely sentiment Akshata. The only solution I guess is to take a pause at times, and if possible, take time-out from the race. People will judge you at first, as you rightly said, but then,if enough of us take a stand, it is they who’ll feel like fools 🙂

Oh, the judgement is exhausting. It begins from the time the baby is born and people leave no stones unturned in pushing the mother towards a guilt trip while as you mentioned the father is always out of the picture. Great one Akshata.

Oh My God!! this is so me..even I used to cry buckets holding my son while he suckled formula from the bottle. Such nightmarish days.And then my MIL said if he doesn’t drink my milk then he would never develop a bonding with me..I had such bad post partum depression..I can write a parallel post almost. Great job Aks.https://trinalooksback.com/2018/04/04/desai-uncle-the-silent-man/

Absolutely. Whatever gives the baby most comfort and works for the mom. Each mom baby couple has to work this out for themselves, preferably without outside interference? Whenever will society learn to keep it’s nose out pof stuff that is absolutely none of it’s business.

This article really touched my heart and many others as I can see. The pain that a mother goes through in such a situation is difficult to comprehend for anyone. As a society we need to change that mentality to see a positive change in the larger picture.

That was lovely what you have written with the baby’s perception. We all need to learn from this and how babies think actually before making our own judgements on how they feel. And what you said about passing judgments right from eating to farting (lol funny world we live in) couldn’t agree more.

Beautiful post written so well, appreciate you for your honest sharing – every child is unique and precious born for a purpose, hence there is no need for comparison, and I am glad despite whatever the expereinces you have grown out of it, that’s what matters most in life…

Our society just loooooveees ppl to tell others what to do and how to do right from birth to death. I like the way you are building up the story alphabet by alphabet voicing out the thoughts from a babe’s perspective. Will keep watching for the next chapter.

Lovely facet. I have struggled with the thought of not being able to breast feed long-term, despite no one attaching that as a stigma to me. It’s weird how at times our brains are wired to function a certain way. I guess it’s also called the Momma’s guilt, which it’s time we all shed.

Hahahaha! Though I am laughing now, a decade back I had shade tears for exactly the same reason. My son started speaking only around the age of 2. My job, non availability for feeding the child and at times not being able to produce enough milk was blamed. Now when I see the robust and tall chap, I wonder where are those who made my life miserable back then?
Akshata love the way you are voicing thoughts…

That was a fab anecdote Anagha. I too struggled with the guilt of not being able to feed my child but that’s when my mother told me” I dint feed you too and you turned up a healthy and smart lass” that helped!

People are known for labelling but we are the ones who choose what to do with that label, Your mom proved it wrong by giving birth to a girl like you who owns her own blog and writes pretty amazing stuff like the above ones.
Labels don’t depict our boundaries, They actually challenge us to wider our bounds!
Keep writing and blog was quite amazing.

Hi Akshata! Either ways, mothers are judged. Sadly by fellow mothers. We know of so many examples of mothers being judged for not breast feeding enough or breast feeding too much. It´s high time people understand that the mother knows best. Glad you touched upon this subject. 🙂

Hi Akshata. I’ve read your posts here as well as on Women’s Web where you spoke about not feeling guilty when you left your young kid at home when you had to travel at work. I find your posts empowering. Not only because you breaking stereotypes one step at a time, but also because you don’t mind putting your thoughts out there – knowing that you might face some backlash. More power to you. 🙂

Hey thx so much this is one of those treasured comments! I know the things I write will always not go down well with people but I believe in laying out the facts bare and not pretending to lead a pious life. I may be selfish but I feel we all need to think of our happiness.

You have every right to your life and what makes you happy. Its not about being pious or selfish. You are just embracing being the unique you. Some people will relate. Some won’t. But those who will relate will thank you because you voice what they may not be able to. 🙂

Nope. They arent going to stop judging. Breastmilk? The baby will get addicted to it and never eat anything else. Formula? You as a mother arent good enough. Doc said dont give other food till 6 months? Your child wont learn how to eat ever!

No one can apease them. I can write a novel on this one topic but I will stop now.