Miss Manners: Heart and wallet dictate tipping

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed a trend where some of my friends tip as much as 50 percent. New tipping "apps" have calculation options up to 50 percent.

I thought if the service was outstanding that 20 percent (not on tax) was more than generous. Am I behind the times?

GENTLE READER: Your friends are generous to people who are underpaid. And as employers knowingly underpay them, expecting the customers to make up the difference, everyone in the industry has an interest in raising the rates.

Miss Manners would have thought that using percentages to calculate tips would ensure increases with the cost of living. As you know, the usual rate has crept up to 20 percent, with something more or less depending on establishment.

She has no wish to discourage additional largesse. But that is dictated by the heart and the wallet, not by etiquette.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On more than one occasion, I have heard a woman say, "We're pregnant!" when referring to the fact that the couple is expecting a baby. My in-laws will even say, "Did you hear that John and Jane are pregnant?"

I think that phrasing it in such a way is ridiculous. How should I respond to these statements?

GENTLE READER: While it is unfair that mothers should have to do all of the childbearing, Miss Manners, like you, has noticed that such is the reality.

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Presumably, the plural is used to make the point that this unevenness does not extend to child-rearing, as it might if the child were merely some little project of the mother's. Your response should be merely to offer congratulations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our small township of about 5,000 people has a township cemetery. This year, for the first time, township officials are planning a "scavenger hunt" in the cemetery for both adults and kids during a festival-type event.

In my mind, a cemetery is a place for respect and quiet for the dead and grieving, not for fun and games, where kids are running around on top of the graves. We have a younger generation of township officials overseeing this; the older ones never did such things. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: This is one more bit of evidence that, as Miss Manners has suspected, everyone nowadays wants to be in show business.

It seems far more likely that the planners were thinking, "What a wonderful set the cemetery would make for our festival," rather than, "Let's all have a romp on Grandma's grave."

You might explain to the would-be producers that while you see the charm of their proposal, they need to avoid the bad feeling that may result.

Suggest they send a letter to all possible survivors, explaining why the contemplated festivities would not constitute disrespect. Officials may find it easier to change the venue.

Miss Manners is the pseudonym of Judith Martin and Nicholas Ivor Martin. Miss Manners runs Mondays and Wednesdays. Contact her at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.