Thursday, July 24, 2014

We live just outside the city limits. There's a very main road that runs out of the city which is our thoroughfare to get to our home. This past week, there's been road work on that main road. It's been closed off in a section and there's a detour around to several other roads. It's a small city, but in terms of relative size, the detour is a pretty good hike.

It has frustrated me multiple times. As a creature of habit, my van simply turns toward that road every time and then I see the signs, alerting me to the detour. And I give an internal "crud". But there's no way through it. There's no plowing down the signs and just getting to where I want to get in exactly my chosen way. It takes me longer, it makes me later, and it makes me grumpy.

Many of you know I have been on a journey to lose weight. More than that, I am on a journey to find and embrace a healthier way of life. But since April, I have been on a self-imposed detour. I have not followed the direct route to get to where I want to get. It's frustrating, but mostly because I seem to have no sticking-power to stay the direct course.

During my detour, I am working hard on a healthier mindset. And this is
vitally important. This is the kind of stuff that makes the detour a
blip on the radar screen of the journey. I have some bad thought
processes to break up with. And I am making that the focus. So my
detour is important. You might even say it's absolutely essential.

My detour is a pretty good hike. And I'm not sure how long the detour signs will be up. But...and this is what's different than many other times I have endeavored to embrace a healthy lifestyle...I know I will eventually get to where I want to get. That's why I'm comfortable calling it a detour, and not allowing it to be a derail. I still end up at home every time I have to take the detoured roads in the city. And I will still end up a healthier version of me after I take the detoured path to my wellness.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Who are you? I just want to reach out and give you a squeeze every time I see you respond to a post of mine. Thank you for your encouragement!! If you get a chance, would you shoot me an email and tell me a bit about yourself/ves? I would love to know you more!!

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

my baby girls' 5th birthday. How can my BABIES be FIVE??? It chokes me up. We never had more than 3.5 years between any of our kids. And now...the littles are 5. I just can't really comprehend it.

Today is also the 2 year anniversary of our house fire. Yes, it HAD TO happen on the same day. I hate that, but hey, at least it's easy to remember. No, I really don't want to joke about it and make light of it. IT SUCKS that it happened on the same day. I said I wasn't going to think about it much today, but I truly can't help it. Right now, 2:15 is the exact time I made the 911 call to tell them our home was on fire and was going to be fully engulfed at any time. Avery and Declan screamed in the back seat. Their worst fear, playing out in front of their very eyes. I just felt so helpless. No one could help. Not in the way I needed them to. I needed a complete fix.

And so it is with my twins. Each year of their life they get closer to the day when they can no longer take that flight of stairs, can no longer walk "that far", can no longer move without pain. I need a complete fix. No one can help. I feel very helpless. I love seeing them grow in knowledge and understanding, but with agony I realize that growth means they are hurdling toward the days of wheelchairs and accessible vans. Right now they are carefree and full of life. They love life, they love to run and play and jump HIGH! I want that for them forever. I'm honestly not dwelling on it, but I would be lying if I didn't say each birthday for them is somewhat bittersweet. I know moms say they want their kids to stay little forever. I really REALLY mean it for my girls.

But God has other plans. God sees the future and, thankfully, I cannot. I won't dwell. I will write this out, close the computer and go play with the new five-year-olds. I will take them to Applebee's tonight and pick up their monkey cake from Dairy Queen and give them pieces big enough to make their eyes sparkle with excitement. I will kiss them and love them and promise my love for all of my years. Thankfully, with each passing year, God also grows my heart just a little bigger so I can pour out more of Him into each of them.

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More about the mayhem...

...age 38, married to my high school sweetheart James since June of 98 with our five beautiful children: Caden (13, Rubinstein Taybi Syndrome/RTS), Avery (11), Declan (8) and identical twins Macey and Madelyn (7, Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy type 2i). I am a workmytailoffalldayathome mommy who loves the internet for my multiple work breaks each day.