Hello all! For my entire life, my mom has hosted Thanksgiving at our home in San Antonio for immediate family and extended family–about 20 people usually. Even after I got married and my brother got married, we do Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas on the day with the SO’s families. My mom passed away two years ago, and so for about the last three years, I have hosted thanksgiving in my parent’s home–turkey, all the food, etc. It’s a big holiday for my family and one of the few times we get to see everyone (we used to get together a lot more during the year, but not so much now). Some family even flies in from Florida for the holiday.

So now, I’m due November 13 with our first. We live in Fort Worth, about 5 hours from San Antonio. After talking with my husband, we’ve decided to stay in DFW for the holiday – we have to go to SA for my littlest brother’s college grad Dec 15 and that’s as early as I would like to travel. My in-laws live 35 minutes away. Husband and I would like to have thanksgiving in our home in FW, and my brother’s wife and my in-laws have said they’ll help with the hosting. We have said we’ll provide the house if we can potluck the meal or even just order Cracker Barrel. I would rather have people over to our house where i can go to my own space to nurse or rest rather than drive to my in-laws if they host.

My husband and I have get togethers at least monthly with my in-laws and extended family up here. We have put on get togethers with no warning after having just gotten back in town or whatever–it’s pretty easy going. I feel like I’d be more comfortable hosting rather than packing everything up to go somewhere else, but several people in my family are suggesting otherwise. They are worried we won’t want people over.

My brother’s wife said they might want to host Thanksgiving in San Antonio without us. It breaks my heart actually, but maybe that’s the right thing to do? He’s never participated in any of the preparations(and doesn’t even know how to cook), but if that’s what he wants, maybe it’s best. His wife is also suggesting the two of them just go to her family’s in Houston instead. Also, my brother might be just deployed or shipped somewhere far away that month–he’s due to be transferred in November.

Some of my extended family is willing to come up here for the holiday if we decide to host. If it was another holiday like Easter, I would just stay home with us three, but Thanksgiving is a really big deal to me–and to my family. Bottom line–if we don’t host, the get together will most likely not happen at all, and my brother is worried it’ll never happen again somehow. I’m not trying to brag at all, but my mom is the one that organized it. If she didn’t do it, it didn’t happen. Now that she’s gone, we’re trying to keep that tradition alive because it really means a lot to some of us.

What do y’all think? Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to give you the back story. I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts.

I think that you should host it at your home an have people help you by potlucking it. I think since this is the first time since your mom passed having Thanksgiving that your SIL should be understanding of why you and your brother would like to keep up the tradition you had, even I it looks a little different now.

2. host at your house with some relatives not coming and your ILs attending

3. not celebrate at all this year.

Out of all these options I would host at your mother’s like usual and just have everyone help out instead of you cooking. I understand it will be easier for you (I had my third baby 4 days before Christmas last year) to host, but if it means that your family won’t all get together I would make every attempt to make it convenient for the majority of the people.

ETA: It would be a shame if you planned on hosting and then you went late or were still in the hospital and would be unable to host and your family was left last minute scrambling for a back up plan.

Host it in your home. With a new baby you’ll want to be close so you don’t have to worry about forgetting something. Ask your relatives to help cook dinner. Please don’t order Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ieatunicorns: Sorry for the confusion–I’ll change the options to be more clear. I don’t think driving 5 hours to San Antonio will be a good option for us, so we’ll either host my family and husband’s family in our Fort Worth home, drive to my in laws 35 min away, or not go to either and just stay home the two of us. If hosting happens in San Antonio, it would be my brother and his wife at the family home and I don’t think we’d be able come.

All the different opinions about it from my family are them trying to make it easier on us because they think we won’t want to host with a new baby.

One more thing to add, my husband’s sister is flying into DFW for thanksgiving from CA. So family will already be in town for that. my family had talked about coming up to see the new baby anyway… but of course that depends on the delivery!

@Miss Damask: If you do it at home, your husband could make “mini thanksgiving”. I did this once for my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time). I roasted cornish hens stuffed with stuffing I bought from the Amish at the market (so whatever prepared stuffing you can get works), made little pies, and then sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts as vegetables. It was awesome and delicious, and just the right amount for the two of us.

I would definitely plan to stay at home. Whether you are still pregnant, or a new Mom, chances are you are not going to feel up to hosting large numbers of people. I know you said it coud be potluck, but the reality is that they will be coming to you with so many questions that you will be getting up all the time to find things, explain things etc etc.

Honestly, I would plan a first Thanksgiving at home for the three of you.

I wouldn’t plan anything. You may have a brand new baby, or you may still be pregnant, or you may be in labor. Let other people plan, and if you have the baby by that time you can go wherever you want or stay home and celebrate with your husband

@Miss Damask: It’s just one holiday and this same one comes every year. If it were me, I’d not make ANY obligations for the holiday.

With a brand new baby (is this your first?) I wouldn’t be counting on hosting anything.

Even with potluck or meal ordered in, you still have to clean the house, set up tables, dishes, cutlery, take care of leftovers, etc.

If someone else 35 minutes away will host it, that would be fine with me becuase maybe I would make that trip, maybe I would not. If the baby didn’t, for instance, sleep at all the night before, would you want to do any of this? I would decide the day of the event what to do.

Keep your options open and don’t lock yourself into anything. The baby will trump any plan you’ve made.

When people ask what you are goign to do for the holidays, smile and say that you are keeping option open, the new baby will decide what happens that day. Please don’t make the mistake of letting your family “pressure” you and keep in mind that if they ask questions about your plans, they are just questions. YOu aren’t obligated to provide and step by step plan of how you will be spending the day.

Honestly, I would probably stay home with jus tmy DH. No way I’d want a bunch of people in my home right after having a baby. Even if you potluck it, you still need to prepare the house for guests and I can’t imagine you will feel like doing that. You’re going to be exhausted. I’d leave the option open to travel 30 minutes to your in laws if you’re feeling up to it.

is this your first baby? bear in mind its not uncommon for babies to arrive a week late, i wouldnt make any plans dependent on you doing stuff

id honestly keep it just your husband you and the baby. i think you’ll be more tired than you anticipate and hosting is going to be a big effort. plus with all the aches and pains…….mmm no. even with family, having people in your house requires hosting them to a degree

Well let me tell you I was in the same boat almost 2 years ago. My little boy was due the 14th. Normally my SIL hosts or we go to ND for Thanksgiving. I had said no way going anywhere with a new born. Well little boy had other plans he was born 7 weeks early.

We held thanksgiving here that year. I felt more comfortable with being here with a newborn than going anywhere else. (We never had hosted before or even cooked a turkey) Well worth it being home in your own envirnoment.