Five thousand plastic ducks will float down the Pequabuck River at 2PM on Sunday May 3rd to raise money for the beautification of Forestville center, but one village resident believes the winner will never be seen again.

Dewey Jasper has no interest in the annual duck race.“Did you ever notice that winners of this race just disappear never to be heard from again like Yaphet Kotto in the movie The Running Man?Well, I ain’t gonna be the next Yaphet Kotto,” Mr. Jasper said while cleaning his bolt action rifle.Dewey stated he was coerced by his wife into purchasing several ducks in the race with the promise of a seductive outfit during their conjugal relations this weekend.“I’m pathetic,” admitted an embarrassed Mr. Jasper.

The ducks will be dumped in the river on Andrew Street, and the first duck to cross the finish line at the Central Street Bridge will be declared the winner, with the owner of the winning duck (ticket) receiving a prize.Should it be Dewey Jasper he will be upset “If my plastic duck wins that dam race and I die right after it. I’m gonna be pisssed. I don’t want to die.”