This blog will be on a more personal level than the others… I’d really like to expound on this post on how video games, and especially MMORPGs have legitimately saved my life. For those of you who don’t know, I have Bipolar Disorder 2. If you don’t know what bipolar disorder is, to sum it up for you… I have really good days, and extremely bad days. I take medication for it. 3 different pills, each once a day. I was diagnosed when I was 18, which was 6 years ago. A lot of things alongside my medication has helped me deal with this on a day to day basis. This biggest factor though has been video games/MMORPGs. Now, for those of you reading this… I don’t want sympathy, or anything like that… This is more of me just sharing my story. Hang tight, grab some popcorn, and let’s do this…

I believe this biggest reason it helps me is I am more social on video games than I am in real life. Streaming has sort of helped me come out of my anxiety bubble just a tad. I know people will say “Well duh, it’s easier to talk to someone over a keyboard, or voice chat than it is online” True story. I don’t get out a lot though, and this is my way of making good friends, and guilds/communities alike have done so much for me in the way of socializing and making friends. Hell, some of my best friends I have are ones that I haven’t even met! I know I am not the only one like this, but honestly, without mmorpgs, my social life would suck so much. Is that bad? Depends on who you are talking to, but I am very happy with how my situation is, and how I fix/mend that situation. I had the weakest type of skin before going online, playing shooters and mobas. Every little thing said negatively about me hurt me the most. You could've told me I stunk, and I would have taken that to heart and felt so bad about it for days…

How funny it is… Mobas have toughened my skin up, and even has helped me take situations in real life better when someone is mocking me at work. (Customers). I just take it all in stride now, because I can’t count how many times I have been mocked in League of Legends or Dota 2. I know it’s very different from being named called online than in real life, but I found the principle to be the same. Whether I just ignore it, act passive aggressive back, or whatever it may be. It has help me just resolve this issue at hand, and move along with things. It’s been a great help, but also a great burden playing those games. Which I haven’t touched a moba in months because of this issue that arose. Although it has helped me deal with situations of being mocked and made fun… League of Legends and Dota 2 did not help my bad days. They just made them worse with frustrating games, balance issues, and other things that would just make my day worse, and in turn would make me feel like crap, and sometimes more angry… Now obviously I don’t want that to happen, and I tried to get better and being more calm, and things of that nature which eventually did work, but not all the way which I was hoping it would…

Like I previously mentioned, I have not touched a moba in a while, and thanks to Overwatch, I don’t feel the need to play League of Legends or Dota 2. If I am being frank with you all, it’s been nice to not be frustrated at a game anymore like I have been with those two games I have mentioned. Yes, Overwatch can be frustrating at times, but it’s not as bad as LoL or Dota 2. My friends would notice my attitude go downwards if I was doing poorly in a game of League or was being trolled by someone. It’s a real thing, and it affected my mood at a lot, more than I would like to admit really. Some people might say “Well, you just should have just quit earlier”. Granted you are probably correct, but here’s the thing… The game made me forget about all my problems in my mind… It gave me some sort of clarity when I played, and I didn’t think about all the problems that I had today, or how I didn’t feel good emotionally or mentally, it was just peace… Luckily over the past couple of months that peace has transitioned to other, less frustrating games. I need that, I thrive on that daily. Videos games keep my head in a clear state of mind because I am focusing in on that, and leaving all my troubles behind… If that doesn’t make sense to you, well… I don’t know what else to tell you! Maybe I can rephrase it for you, if you just ask, who knows…

What I just mentioned is the second most helpful things video games have given me: An Out.

I leave all my troubles and worries behind and they allow my crazy, never stopping mind to relax, focus and have peace… That is what my medicine helps me out with as well, and it just makes it that much better that my out, also gives me that clarity. Amazing eh? Defiantly! Another person’s out may be music, or playing an instrument, or walking. Mine? Video games. At least it’s not drugs or alcohol, which I always remind my Girlfriend… Ha. Some people may say I play too many video games, and I spend way too much time on them, but if they really knew why I play so much, I think that would give them a different perspective on the situation. If not, well I can’t help them there… I sometimes really have to explain to a lot of people why it helps, and why I play so much. Usually it ends with me saying “I really don’t want to end up stir crazy, and do something I would regret”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never been a violent person, and I have never had any violent outbreaks, it’s more of me having a mental breakdown, and having a ton of panic attacks.

We don’t want any more of those, no thank you. It’s been a pretty good year so far, a lot of great games have come out, and some of them have kept my attention throughout. (The Division, and Overwatch) and with some really great communities in game’s like Gloria Victis and my Guild in Elder Scrolls Online, it’s been a very stress free compared to the past few. Writing about these games as well has been such a huge help as well. Sometimes video games aren’t doing the trick, and I take a pause and say to myself “When was the last time I wrote a blog, or a poem?” and usually that takes my mind of stuff. I’m reenacting all the stuff I did in the video game, and it’s keeping my mind focused on that, and not on the real world… Along with me wanting to make better, longer blogs that has also helped a lot, and when I see the viewer count go up and up on my blogs as time goes by, it’s also a big inspiration for me to keep going and keep writing.

I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you guys and girls read my babble, and keep reading them. It brings joy to my heart and soul that you all do. To you, those viewer counts may seem a tad low or whatever, but to me it means the whole world and then some. Let’s get back to the subject shall we? I know I can go on and on with random babble. We all know that…

Guildies and people I have met online through video games and sometimes social media have also been my best outlet for talking things out. Oh, I’ve had a rough day, I know that my guildies will help talk it through me and such, and knowing that has brought great peace to my mind. It’s like a free therapist, and yes sometimes I feel bad for talking to them all the time about my problems, but they also reassure me it’s not big deal, and they know how I am… It’s my family, away from family if that makes sense… Probably not. Do you guys have that someone, or a group you talk to about your problems? I think we all should in some sense. Whether it’d be a pet, an actual person, or whatever. Yes, I do talk to my cats sometimes about my problems, but I don’t think they really care, they just want me to pet them… Isn’t that every cat though?

Escape is what really matters in the end though. Escape from reality, from my problems, mental or emotional, whatever they may be, it’s an escape. It’s the best escape I have ever had, and probably ever will be. Again a lot of people don’t understand, but it’s better than drugs right? It’s not an addiction, it’s another type of medication I take daily, to help me cope with all the on-going issues. Remember, I don’t want your sympathy or anything like that, this is just me telling my story. Every single one of us has issues, have problems and we all need an out, an escape… Mine is video games...

Again, thank you all for the views and reading this. You have all been so awesome to me, and I hope that continues! Thank you. If you would like to add to this discussion, please leave a comment below or tweet me @SirIsaacJewton. You can catch my adventures at www.twitch.tv/IsaacJewton as well. Cheers!