strange irony and other stuff

6 July, 2007 - 9:22pm — wilma wonka

I met with Anike for the second time yesterday. Anike is my history teacher and the one person who I feel like I can talk to about anything. I know I can say anything on here but oasis can't replace seeing a person and talking to them, face to face. I was planing on telling her about my gender, or lack there of, on that day. She brought her son who had just gotten this toy plasstic panguin which he was playing with. Anike told me that he had asked her if it was a boy or a girl and she (refering to the toy) said it could be whichever he wanted to make it. Her son said that it couldn't be both and kept asking if it was a boy or a girl. It took them a while to figure out that Anike was talking about the toy and her son was talking about the student that they were going to have lunch with. Then she told him that I was a girl. (this is what she told me when I got there). Anyways, it was strange because I don't identify with a gender and they were talking about my gender which I had come to talk about. Anyways, I didn't get up the nerve to tell her. I'll tell her next week.

On wednesday while I was at this July 4th parade I saw this transgender woman. It was the first time I've ever seen anyone who's trans and known that they were trans. After she walked away my dad and my neighbor started talking about the packets she was handing out (lots of people give stuff out at the parade, that's what she was doing there)and my dad said, "that person was a man". Then my dad and my neighbor laughed at her. I didn't have the nerve so say anything and now I'm REALLY mad at myself for not saying anything. At least she didn't hear them. So now I'm pissed off at my dad for laughing and pissed off at myself for not saying anything, even if she couldn't hear.

Tomorrow there's a party for the CITs at the camp I'm working at. If Rebbecca comes it might be a chance for us to talk. We talked a little today. She asked me if I went to the school down the street from the camp. I said yes. She said that she has a friend who's going to my school next year and we'll be in the same grade. REbbecca is soooooooo pretty so I'm kinda excited for this party. She seems nice enough but I don't know her that well. She's really kind to the the campers so she's probably nice. I don't expect anything to happen between us, but if we became friends, that'd be really nice.

Comments

if only the little boy wasn't there because that would have been the perfect oppurtunity. Thats great you have an adult/person you can talk to about stuff, everyone needs that because sometimes Oasis just doesn't do it.
~~~Fear is only a verb if you let it be.. don't you dare let go of my hand~~~

"I didn't have the nerve so say anything and now I'm REALLY mad at myself for not saying anything."

Don’t beat yourself up too much about that; we’ve all been there. There's really no harm done particularly because they weren’t ridiculing her to her face. People will always roast other people like this; it’s characteristically human to make comedy out of others’ defects or differences (everyone does it, one can only hope that it’s done privately). It’s a fairly ugly attribute of humanity, but it’s learned and ingrained. If you attempted to diffuse people’s every attempt at this, you’d end up tired, jaded, and probably a little ostracized, and on the whole you wouldn’t be successful, as noble as the intent.

But you’re good for not joining in, eh? :-)

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