So apparently my memoir didn't blow you all away either. The Fiance said it was lame, and made the point that he could replace the word "change" with "breathing" and it would be equally profound. Perhaps I'll revisit it another time, or perhaps I'll just punch him in the face and move on. Hard to say for sure.

Another suck-tacular part of the last week was a test that I had on Wednesday. See, the weird thing was, that until Friday afternoon when I got my grade, it was pretty much the highlight of the week. I really felt good about it, I really felt like I knew my shit and I was really proud of myself. The last test I took in this class I had only made an 80 on, so I was very confident that I had improved by leaps and bounds.

As it turns out, I improved by a big load of almost nothing. I got an 83. And yes, I realize that this is not a horrible thing, I'm not failing, I'm not going to have to retake the course, but I put in a lot of time and effort and now, regardless of how well I do on the final exam, I cannot make an A in the class. I suppose hypothetically if she was to put 10 extra credit problems on the test and I got every single problem right including those, then I'd be teetering on the edge of a 90, but um, it seems unlikely. It just pisses me off that I've put so much time and energy in and am not seeing the results.

It also just puts me in a place of serious self-doubt. If I can't get an A in anatomy lab at the undergraduate level, how on earth am I going to survive a doctoral program's version on anatomy? I feel like I've hit a brick wall where I'm doing everything I know how to do and I'm just not succeeding. It is really frustrating. Not earth shatteringly bad by any means, but in conjunction with the wedding, weather, honeymoon and health stuff (that's Tuesday's edition, I have an appointment then that will very much dictate the tone of that post) it just sucked.

But wait, there's more.

So, I have to register for my summer and fall classes tomorrow and I was trying to put my schedule together for next year. I have 5 classes left to take before I'll have met most of the various programs' prerequisites and I have the summer, fall and spring to get it done. So I got myself all sorted out. I'm going to take my last chem class in a short summer session July 1st to July 24, M/T/W/Th from 7-9:55pm (incidentally, if you don't hear from me in the month of July, that could be why), child psych in the fall and I have to take an intro Bio class that I've been putting off because it's a prerequisite and it's a requirement for the Micro class to be taken in the spring (along with public speaking, which I'm like 8 shades of bitter about having to take. Waste. of. my. time. (and money)). So with my plan in hand, I check the course listing to see the times and get it squared away. I'm good for Chem, Psych is online but as with every other semester I've tried to take this class, the intro bio course is only offered at 3 in the afternoon, which, if I ever get a job for next year, will be a problem.

So I emailed the head of the biology department asking if there was any chance they'd push it to a later time. It happens often- the anatomy course I'm in now was slated for 2 pm and got pushed back to 4:30. He replied with an emphatic NO. But, if I wanted to, they'd waive that requirement and let me take Micro in the fall instead and I could figure out what to do with the intro course in the spring. Great! So I look at the schedule, Micro is only offered at noon. Seriously. So I email him again, asking the same question, and shockingly got the same answer. As well as the response that "at some point [I'll] have to come to school during the day like everyone else." Hi, head of biology department? Go sit on a tack.

So I have a conundrum. These are non-negotiable classes, both have to be taken this year if I want to get into any program. The only solution I've been able to come up with is one that I'm not happy with. There is a community college here that offers both classes that I need online (and with evening labs). It's a really lousy program (no offense to anyone local who can deduce which school I'm talking about), but if my choices are, take it at a community college or not take it at all, it's not really a choice at all. So now I'm in the throws of registering at 2 different schools, taking out 2 different loans to pay for the semester and trying to negotiate times that won't interfere with each other. Not to mention making sure that my loans are still deferred since I'm still half-time in school. It's a big, gigantic, hairy mess and it's still not all straightened out. I haven't been able to register at the community college yet, and the class I need has only one seat left. If I had to play the odds, I'd say it's unlikely that it's going to stay open for me, that just doesn't seem the way that the universe is rolling these days.

____________________________________ As an footnote to part 1, we spent most of Friday night on the phone with Expedia, who even if I wanted to book a flight with again, probably wouldn't ever take my money since I yelled a little. Or a lot.

They sent me an email Friday (actually, they sent me 2, the first one was confirming my reservation, nevermind that whole bankruptcy thing) telling me that I could rebook with one of 5 airlines who were working with them, and upon talking to those airlines, we learned that that was only for flights in the next month, so we have to go through our credit card company to get our money back from the bankrupt company (I'm not holding my breath on that, we did also dispute the 14 dollar expedia service charge because if those pigfuckers aren't going to help me, I'm not paying them a dime) and then rebook a flight, which will be at best, an EXTRA 200 bucks now.

And yes, we could go somewhere else, but frankly, I don't want to. This is where we decided we wanted to honeymoon. It took a really long time to come to that decision and if we have to eat more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches than meals out when we're there so that we can afford it, so be it. And we can't push it back because The Fiance has already scheduled his time off and his schedule won't (nor will mine) allow for more time off later.

I'm off to study, because I have not one, but two tests this week. To say that I'm ready to throw in the towel would the understatement of the millenia, but I push forward. Not because I want to, but because I'm a compulsive grade whore.

9
comments:

Anonymous
said...

I think I'm on Travelocity's blacklist for a similar conversation. Good luck with your tests, and I hope that you can get the honeymoon details squared away soon.

Hang in there, Katie. Michael, my son, went through a similar situation this year and I had to call in a favor(I used to work at SIU)for him to get his required 2 classes so he could graduate in May. Colleges seem to forget that they are in business because of students and if they screw with students, not only do you get a bad PR, but students can transfer out. Keeping you in my prayers.

First, I think your Fiance is wrong about your memoir. My husband says very similar things about my writing and creative efforts and I've learned to ignore him. He learned it from the mother who needed all of the attention and would denigrate everyone else to make sure she was ok. Sorry. Didn't mean to go there. What I MEANT to say was, ask any asthmatic if you changed the word breathing, would it still have the same meaning? I think not.

Second, ness is 100% right.

Third, you're getting married soon, right? Don't freak about the exam you took this week. You have a whole freakin' lot going on! And enjoy your honeymoon. No matter how many PBJs you have to eat, it will all be worth it.

Hey you! Sorry to hear about your craptacular week. I hate to add to the stress but I just wanted to make sure you looked into something that could royally suck later if it's the same as it is here (for my nursing stuff as well as the majority of masters degrees)- for all the major science courses, meaning A&P, chem, bio, and micro, it's a requirement that they be taken at 4 year colleges. I totally am with you on the opinion of community colleges, but you do what you have to do... HOWEVER if this rule happens to apply for the prereqs you're taking to the programs you're applying to, beware! It has screwed over some people royally, and I would hate for that to happen to you.

Good luck on Tuesday - I'll be thinking of you! And remember when I had that issue with the leakage? We never figured that one out...

I don't mean to be rude, and I more than appreciate your prayers, however, your pointing out my negativity feels a little like pointing out to someone that's on a diet that they're fat. I know I'm being negative, the point of these posts is to give you a glimpse of the reason why last week was so lousy and why I'm feeling so negative.

I hope you aren't offended by this, I just felt like I needed to clarify because I am working on it, but I can't just switch a light switch and be suzy sunshine.

I'm not offended at all.I totally understand "the point of these blogs".However there are alot of people that care about you.You've been through alot,I'd just like to see you have something to be positive or happy about.

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About Me

I'm a 26 year old former teacher turned full time graduate student. I live in Southern California after a 3 year stint in New Orleans with my husband Slappy (formerly The Fiance) and our cats (yea, we're those people).
In February of 2006 I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation, which is a fancy way of saying that my brain was too big for my skull (get it? overflowing brain). On November 27th, 2007 I had brain surgery which allows my brain to exist indefinitely in my spinal canal. 13 staples, one cow heart lining and a multitude of doctors and medications later, I'm living a much improved decompressed life.