How I Let Go of My Painful Stories and Became Powerfully Present

Staring at the words, turning emotions of each letter over the mental screen of your mind.

Here it is again. That mind-numbing question, “Why me?”

As you shut down your computer, a sigh escapes from your lips.

Tomorrow’s to do list is just as long as today’s. With no answer in sight.

It seems the more you get done, the more there is to do.

You’ve been working flat out for hours…and still no signs of a reward.

You can’t help but wonder…why am I still struggling?

The road to success seems long and never-ending. Days on the calendar stare back, as past and present moments desert you.

Everyone else seems to be moving on in life. And still you remain. Unflinching, never changing.

‘Why me?’

I have been in countless situations like this. It’s easy to fall into this mental mindset whenever things don’t seem to be going the way you planned them. Your expectations can often set high demands that are simply too lofty and impossible to fulfill.

During my early life experiences, I questioned my self-worth every single day. People kept on judging my quiet or reserved nature…so in my mind, these attributes became negative qualities…parts of me to cut off. I needed to become the perfect fit. I only ended up hiding myself away even more.

Over the years, this became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I began to fear everyday tasks. People became a challenging concept to be around. My quiet nature felt like fuel for their own projections and insecurities.

This same fear and insecurity meant I was easy to mould to other people’s expectations. I hated feeling weak. My mind was always set to projecting away from my pain – into a utopian future that didn’t exist.

I did what other people told me to do. By abandoning my sense of self, in the hazy days that followed, even waking up became a challenge.

The emotions I was carrying with me were extra painful as I had no idea what to do with them. So they sat with me, dwelling in my mind like extra baggage. I was feeding my pain and yet, completely ignoring my own needs for happiness and security.

I had no energy left for my personal projects. Pages of stories were left abandoned in my search for fulfillment. As one emotion subsided, another would emerge and carry me along like a wave. Powered by my negative thoughts of low self-esteem, I left the idea of my own personal empowerment behind.

I had no idea that I was at the wheel. After 30 years of being a passenger, I finally chose to move myself into the driver’s seat.

Shifting Up A Gear

It was only when I took a look at the vehicle itself – by becoming an active observer, that I realised I was going nowhere. All of my creative power was being drained because I was no longer in control.

Resetting my mind was the only way. Once I had this realisation, the answer came to me. The wheels of mindfulness came into motion when I started reading a book called ‘A Bug Free Mind’ by Andy Shaw.

Devouring a chapter each day, I would read and apply the techniques until I emotionally and mentally felt a shift inside. If I couldn’t think or feel anything positive – then I simply chose to think of nothing at all.

By observing, I regained my power. Each new read through of the book created an energy shift inside me…allowing my creative power to grow. I found emotional freedom from the chains that once bound me. Each day, my painful stories peeled away like layers of an onion.

Instead of clinging onto them, I simply let go. I began to realise that my stories were just experiences. By loosening their grip, I took back my creative freedom and regained my power. Previous stories that my subconscious had created therefore had no bearing on this moment. The only moment that mattered.

Your mindset works in the same way. Signs may emerge by the side of the road as a warning…and you may need to use them as intuitive guidance…but you should not let it overwhelm you. Do not let distractions overpower where you need to go.

Occasionally, I may take a look in the rear-view mirror at my memories…to see how far I have come. Yet, I do not allow the pain of the past to dictate my future.

By choosing this road, I have let go of fear, worry, anxiety and stress that come along with life’s many expectations.

Meeting Yourself At The Crossroads Of Consciousness

When you are conscious, you can not suffer. Or at the very least, you can choose to minimise any pain or suffering. It’s only in a state of unawareness, that you can become trapped in victim mode.

By sitting in the driver’s seat, you consciously choose to drive your life forward. And when you can choose again, you free yourself to focus on the good feelings.

There have been many trials and tribulations in my life that have tried to break me down – both mentally and emotionally. Yet, through simple observation – I can see that it was often my own expectations and judgments about those events and how they should unfold that attached unnecessary suffering to them.

Letting go of experiences and learning to go with the flow of life meant I could once again maintain myself and my personal power.

Rather than shutting yourself down, choose to open yourself up to life and the possibilities it may be wishing to show you.

You have the choice to restart your mindset every second of the day. To be ok with not being perfect. Acknowledging where you are and loving yourself anyway. All of this makes the road to self-acceptance seem shorter.

By staying open to the moment, you receive the greatest gift of all…the present.

In a world of constant distractions, life is speeding up for all of us. The question is, will you learn to enjoy the view?