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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 13. Being Racist

Do not be fooled by their blazers. Or their support of gentrification. Or even their love of Phish. Bougie Black People love being Black. Collectively, they are Blackness mavens, preternaturally obsessed with the concept of Blackness and all it entails.

Naturally, they’re also aware of the rules governing Blackness’ placement in America. Especially the one where, as an extended apology for 400 or so years of systematic oppression, America has given Black people a guilt-free pass to say whatever the hell they want about White people.

If you happen to have a Black parent, a Black uncle, or even a Black high school principal, you’ve surely seen this practice in practice. You likely have fond memories about the first time Uncle Derek told you not to hug any of your White classmates because “White people don’t use washclothes.” (The fact that Uncle Derek had a White wife made this even more confusing.)

Bougie Black People have found loopholes in this rule, realizing that maintaining legitimate friendships with a member of each non-Black group (Whites, Asians, Latinos, etc) gives them a pass to say racist things when they’re not around.

Of course, it’s all just jokes. They don’t really believe that all Indian women are “built like snowmen.” They don’t really think all Mexicans have lice. They don’t really think all White women sound the way they do when they do impersonations of them. And they don’t really want to deport every Chinese man back to “whichever country Chinese people come from.”

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I feel like you are doing a case study on my existence. I remember my white friends doing a collective sigh when I said I was going to watch “12 Years a Slave” for the first time. lol.

lauryn

Interestingly, neither I nor my bougie friends have ever said any of the things you listed at the end of the article. But I’ve heard my non-bougie friends say it all.

SweetSass

I don’t understand washcloths. They seem like they would carry MORE germs being moist – and unless you launder them after each shower (which doesn’t seem practical) they would be little Petri dishes. Unlike squirting shower gel directly out of the bottle onto your body.

shortcake

I live for washcloths. Of COURSE you launder them after every use. That’s why you own more than one washcloth. How else can you effectively exfoliate or wash your butt crack?
I side-eye people that don’t use washcloths. How do you even get clean when you shower? It’s weird.