Hockey Players Can Never Find Pants Because Their Butts Are Too Big

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01/11/2019

Many guys struggle to find the perfect pair of pants.

But for hockey players, that struggle appears to be even greater because, as several top NHL stars told ESPN recently, their sport has given them big huge asses that make it difficult to find a pair of jeans that fit.

“It’s an absolute nightmare between the quads and the glutes,” Max Domi of the Montreal Canadiens told ESPN’s Emily Kaplan Thursday. “The glutes especially, because it just throws off your waist. You have, like, a 48 waist with your ass, but without it, you’re a 32. So what do you do? Meet halfway, and you still have all this extra stuff.”

Most sports prize athletes with a generous rear—as ESPN’s David Fleming reported back in 2012, “glutes are everything” in sports. Indeed, baseball scouts have been said to look at prospects’ keesters for clues as to how the player will fare in the big leagues. “You don’t see a lot of good power hitters or good pitchers that generate arm speed that don’t have a good, high butt on them,” Baseball Tonight’s Buck Showalter once said.

But big butts seems to be an even bigger thing in hockey, where strong glutes are both an asset on the ice and a result of all that time spent training and playing the game.

“There’s definitely some pants I can’t really fit into,” New Jersey Devils MVP Taylor Hall said. “Some shorts that maybe fit my waist but don’t fit the other parts. It’s a challenge. You want to have big legs in hockey. You want to be a guy who skates well and uses his power, for sure. But that means…”

Getty ImagesJonathan Daniel

While hockey players may be having an especially hard time fitting into their pants, a lot of everyday guys are likely having the same problem, given the popularity of deadlifts and other glute-friendly exercises.

Some brands, including J. Crew, are looking to fill the niche of clothes for otherwise trim guys who need a little extra room in the seat — indeed, as Kaplan reports, a number of players have found brands that better fit their unique bodies or shelled out for custom clothes. But many players nevertheless find themselves at the department store, trying in vain to squeeze their enormous asses into unforgiving denim.