Now they make new movies in old black and white With happy endings, where nobody fights So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage Honey, jump right up and show your age

I wish I had a pencil thin mustache The "Boston Blackie" kind A two toned Ricky Ricardo jacket And an autographed picture of Andy Devine

I remember bein' buck-toothed and skinny Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny Oh I wish I had a pencil thin mustache Then I could solve some mysteries too

Then it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growin' up fast Drinkin' on a fake I.D. Yeah, and Rama of the jungle was everyone's Bawana But only jazz musicians were smokin' marijuana Yeah, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache Then I could solve some mysteries too

Then it's flat top, dirty bob, coppin' a feel Grubbin' on the livin' room floor (so sore) Yeah, they send you off to college, try to gain a little knowledge, But all you want to do is learn how to score

Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear I don't go to church and I don't cut my hair But I can go to movies and see it all there Just the way that it used to be

That's why I wish I had a pencil thin mustache The "Boston Blackie" kind A two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket And an autographed picture of Andy Devine

Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be Maybe suave Errol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby If I only had a pencil thin mustache Then I could do some cruisin' too

Yeah, Bryl-cream, a little dab'll do yah Oh, I could do some cruisin' too