About Me

11/1/10

You Couldn't Tell He was Suicidal

The following Video contains some of the blog below plus my add-ons.

I received an email from one of our friends on here who asked me if I would consider discussing the topic of suicide.

I won’t try and cover topics that I know nothing about from experiencing something personally. I also want to say that the topic of suicide is something that should be dealt with by a professional. If you know someone who has suicidal tendencies, may I highly suggest getting them some proper help? It shouldn’t be taken lightly. I won’t ignore the topic either especially when requested because you never know why you are being asked.

I have been there. My Doctor helped me through it. Your family Doctor has a huge amount of resources at his fingertips and they are more than happy to help.

It’s rather dangerous for me to go into the topic too much because you never know what nerve out there you are hitting. So instead of me trying to come off like some professional, let me talk directly to people who are the family and friends of people dealing with suicidal tendencies. This is not for those who have lost people to suicide. My heart goes out to you!

Some of my friends and family knew…others didn’t. Some took it seriously, some didn’t. I can tell you this much; there is no such thing as too much love. I have heard people say, ‘They gotta toughen up!’ There is no such thing as listening to long. I have heard people say, ‘They just want attention’. In my situation, I didn’t think I was being weak and I didn’t actually want anyone’s attention. My brain wasn’t even going there. I wanted out and I wanted to be left alone. It had absolutely nothing to do with lacking courage. For those who call suicide a cowardly act, may I suggest educating yourself. I personally didn’t feel weak or cowardly, I felt extraordinarily SAD.

A sad person can still get themselves to work every day. A sad person can put on a happy face for the crowds. I thought it was interesting to hear Owen Wilson had an attempt in 2005. If you look at his IMDB profile, his career was going incredibly well. The films he was making at the time were churning out stellar and may I add hysterically funny performances. When I watch those films, I don’t see anything in his performance that would suggest he was not doing well. He looked great, had a good bounce in his step. In fact, there is a scene in Wedding Crashers where Vince Vaughn walks in on him while he is reading a book called, ‘Don’t Jump, Life is Worth Living!’

Suffice to say, we have no clue who is suicidal. Chalking it up to cowardice is lacking education.

I have also heard people say it’s a sin or a crime. Well, a sin is supposed to be something where you do the opposite of what you know is right. I can tell you first hand, I wasn’t even thinking about if it was right or wrong either. As far as making it a crime; are you going to jail someone who has succeeded? Come on! Use your head! Ok, you are going to jail someone who has attempted it and call it a crime? They didn’t know they were doing anything wrong. Putting someone under suicidal watch is one thing, but sins and crimes have definitions that have nothing to do with it. You have to be alert enough to know you are doing something wrong. My brain was so far the other way in its own galaxy.

Unimaginable sadness was my problem, but for many people there are other reasons and that is why I say to visit your family doctor. I was very glad I did because my visits saved me. I didn’t even want to go in. He met me on the street and told me he wanted to see me.

I remember telling him I didn’t want to go on an SSRI. He asked why…I said I didn’t want to be on drugs. He said, ‘They are better than the alternative.’ I took the first dose in his office. He explained serotonin to me and how Depression was like water going down the drain. You see it going, you can stop it for a time and then at the end, it swooshes down very quickly and you can’t catch the end of it. He told me that I was at a point where I was not physically capable of stopping the drain with my hands and he put in the stopper. Then he told me to take a deep breath and said, “Do not think about tomorrow. You get to experience today. Let’s just do right now. We’ll get through this together, you are not alone.”

It was advice that I still implement even though I am not depressed anymore. I had a series of steps and hurdles to get right out of it. I had roots to get to. I like taking life in steps though, not just because it’s overwhelming, but because it’s beautiful.

Many of us feel extreme emotions without being suicidal; it’s the gray area of life. Frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness are prevalent in many people’s homes and lives. I am learning to use these as a vehicle for my art or to help someone.

The fact that there are people out there who are feeling any of these and are good at hiding it leads me to believe we should treat everyone with kindness.

2 comments:

I happened upon your blog when googling something I'll cryptically say was 'related'...I have to say your comments really spoke to me and made me realize that it is 'ok' to ask for help--I'll be honest--I didn't know who you were before running across this post (and then exploring your music afterwards), but I am now a fan. I can relate to your comments and mode of expression. Thank you, thank you, thank you...I consider today a very fortuitous find for me. A glimmer of hope in a grey day.