ATHENS, Greece -- At a recent party conference in the lead up to the general election, Greek Prime Minister Antonis Samaris said that swimming in poop is much more therapeutic than riding dolphins; in a last minute bid to scoop up floaters.

The country is in the throes of a general election vote count. At the time of writing the leftist opposition party Syriza, is leading by a turtle’s head.

Opposition party leader Alexis Tsipras said that riding dolphins is just what the country needs, after decades of being up to their necks in it; “and I’m not referring to the odd turd in a Club Med swimming pool either,” said the challenger to the procelin throne of office.

“We are not just a bunch of extreme dolphin huggers. After decades on the decline, riding a dolphin is enjoying a comeback. Not just in Greece, but in Europe and Latin America.”

Prime Minister Samaris is concerned that riding dolphins is not the answer to the country’s depression. If they abandon shit creek, they risk missing out on the imminent giant nutty Frankfurt easing, from the interior of the ECB. He said he would “burn the night soil” to keep his country drinking freddo crappucinos.

Samaris feels strongly that swimming in poo is better for the spirit as it puts things into perspective. He said: “If the first thing you do after waking up in the morning is plop into a sea of excrement, the rest of the day seems so much better; Socrates swore by it. A slud face pack is very good for the complexion too.

“Dolphin riding is actually quite dirty. This is just the latest slurry wagon that our scatty young community seem to have jumped on. In the end it’ll be gone; like a fart in a hurricane.”

Europe is looking on in interest to see if the Greeks stick to the status quo. If Europe’s leaders agree to the value of dolphin riding, then other countries might abandon their crap policies and start getting into the semi-aquatic mammals themselves.

“This would leave Germany fearful that the discipline it has sought to introduce into the eurozone was flushing away,” expressed Angela Merkel, through clenched cheeks.