RAISING BOYS
>
>For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
>b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
>c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
>d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
>e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
>
>
>The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
>Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

>1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
>2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
>3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
>restaurant.
>4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
>enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
>5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
>7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
>8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
>36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
>10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
>Boy.
>11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
>12.) Super glue is forever.
>13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
>14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
>16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
>19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
>like ovens.
>20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
>21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
>22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
>24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
>25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

1. Homemade fireworks are much more satisfying and powerful than the ones you buy at the stand.
2. Number one comes with a price, as homemade fireworks are not nearly as stable or predictable as stand-bought ones.
3. Riding a dirt bike 300 feet down a 90% incline with a 5 foot berm at the bottom gets really wicked air but you have to remember to not panic and forget to hit the brakes after you land.
4. Testicles and crossbars are not friendly to one another (see #3)
5. BB guns make passable mortar bursts for G.I. Joes.
6. If you leave your Legos on the floor in front of the Old Man's chair while he's napping in the evening they will be in the trash in the morning.
7. Lego's are really painful when you step on then in bare feet in the dark.
8. Estes Rockets are the COOLEST (and most unpredictable) things in the world. Especially when you glue the fins on wrong and they get ripped off during take-off.
9. Never test your ability to hit a bull in the balls with a thrown apple when you are behind him and within kicking distance.
10. No matter how much it might sound like a good idea, do not soak a Nerf soccerball in gasoline, light it on fire, and play a game to three goals in the dark in a dry weed field. There is NO WAY to hide what you are doing from your parents. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

Finally when firing a potato gun it is vitally important to (a) screw the end cap on COMPLETELY and (b) make sure that there are no newly purchased cars behind you just in case you forgot (a). I learned this one last summer.

Demo Dick

"My first priority will be to reinstate the assault weapons ban PERMANENTLY as soon as I take office...I intend to work with Congress on a national no carry law, 1 gun a month purchase limits, and bans on all semi-automatic guns."-Barack Obama"When in doubt, whip it out."-Nuge

10. No matter how much it might sound like a good idea, do not soak a Nerf soccerball in gasoline, light it on fire, and play a game to three goals in the dark in a dry weed field. There is NO WAY to hide what you are doing from your parents. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.