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TAG | publx

Recently I heard what might be the worst commercial for a grocery store EVER. If ever a commercial was designed to make me retract my stance on truth in advertising, this was it. I was listening to the radio (driving, of course – does anyone listen to the radio at home anymore?) when a commercial for Publix Grocery Stores came on. It went something like this:

“Walmart does not always have the lowest prices. Blah blah Buy One Get One Free blah, blah. In fact, with careful planning, you can sometimes save money shopping at Publix.”

I have to say, once I reassured myself that **yes – I did just HEAR that ** I was underwhelmed. First of all, the ad agency must have created this ad as a joke, a final flipping of the bird to their client’s demand for honesty and a low-key approach. I mean, they couldn't have been serious when they pitched this ad to Publix. But here’s the amazing thing. Someone in the marketing department at Publix listened to that ad and said, “Hey! Great! This will have them knocking down our doors.”

Kudos to Publix for deciding to take on Walmart head to head. But if you’re going to do that, let’s have some fun, dontcha think? Here’s my ad for Publix:

Cue Mayberry RFD theme.
Folksy male V.O.:

“Ya know, there’s a reason why there’s no website called PeopleofPublix.com. Our aisles are not clogged with society’s misfits – people with their boobs hanging out, sometimes in the front, sometimes in the back, kids showing more ass crack than an elephant (who at least tries to cover it with its tail) or just plain people whose meds are not balanced and haven’t been for some time. In fact, most of the people who shop here look a lot like you and me. Most of them shower on a regular basis. Posted on every door is a notice telling you that shirt and shoes are required to shop here. It’s a grocery store where people buy food that they will ingest. Frankly, we don’t think that asking our customers to respect minimum health standards is such a stretch.

Our prices might be a little higher on some items, a little lower on others. And while Walmart might be a great place to pick up a shop vac or some extra rounds of ammo for the family barbecue this weekend, do you really want to buy your food there? We don’t blame you. Publix. Where shopping won’t make you want to gouge your own eyes out.”