A “motivational speaker” named Justin Lookadoo would like to teach your teenagers how to not be undateable. That’s him, up in the header photo, in no way resembling someone Chris Hansen once interrogated on NBC’s To Catch a Predator, and there he was today at Richardson High School in Richardson, Texas, extolling his “Dateable Rules” and how they’re totally in line with what God wants for his children, yo. (Yep, Richardson High is a public school.) I’m pretty sure “A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent” and “God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things, get a door, open a ketchup bottle” is somewhere in the Beatitudes. And “Dateable guys know they aren’t as sensitive as girls and that’s okay” is just common sense.

Apparently, some parents kicked up a fuss upon learning of the impending in-school presentation, which was then postponed — but not for long. Lookadoo, a former Juvenile Probation Officer, came to spread his incisive commentary on gender (only for straights, though — pray it away already, gays) anyway. Because you’re sad you missed it, go here to take the R.U. Dateable quiz, and peruse the rules for dateability here.

The students didn’t take too kindly to the message and instead took to Twitter, coining the hashtag #Lookadouche:

Looks like some of the kids are all right after all. As for the adults at Richardson Independent School District responsible for booking Lookadouche? Not so much.

Update:District officials released a statement: “RHS and RISD approve of the broad messages shared with students related to self-empowerment and dating violence, but do not support some of the terminology used by the speaker to generalize student behaviors.”

Sarah Carlson is a TV Critic for Pajiba. She lives in San Antonio. You can find her on Twitter.

Here is my full 'U R Dateless' assessment based on my responses to the quiz, for the enjoyment of all. (Seriously, adults who pay this man to [attempt to] indoctrinate children should be arrested for child abuse). The grammar in the last sentence is so childlike it would be charming if the message wasn't so abhorrent :

The mystery is gone. You’ve probably told him everything about you so why would he want to see you again? But it’s not too late. Start talking less and listening more. Let him bring up things to talk about. Ask him questions about him. Stop talking about yourself so much. There is plenty of time for him to get to know you. Practice thinking about him and take your eyes off yourself so much.

BlackRabbit

Create a small voodoo doll of yourself and use some of your hair to make it real. Give the doll to him after leaping out of the bushes at his house one morning. Tell him you will be his for the rest of your lives.Snap secret photos of him and past them up all over your house. If anyone objects, scream at them. They do not understand your pure, eternal love and are the enemy.

I just wanted to say that this is not representative of Texas. I see a lot of tweets and messages and comments (not necessarily here) that are blaming Texas as a whole for this. And while we have a lot of work to do with regards to how our legislature feels about women, this is not representative of how people down here feel (hence the outrage). I am really proud of those kids for speaking out. This was a misguided decision by the school district.

Maguita NYC

You need to vote in more representatives that share your beliefs!And I really do hope Texas will be making shortly a comeback in equality, and puts a stop to all the crazy getting too much bad publicity.

We're trying! It's at the same time sad but also exciting for the future. The tide is turning down here and I feel like there are a lot of people ready to put their votes where their mouths are.

Ben

Man I took his datable quizQuestion 2: The Best date is in public Y/NQuestion 6: The only real date is One on One Y/N

Did this really need two fucking questions?

$78742978

What kid would want to listen to that guy? Dudes would follow the opposite of his advice so as not to be so tremendously uncool. In my opinion, he's doing us all a favor.

Chucktastic

Oh Texas... is it even a surprise this kind of crap happens there? At this point Chuck Norris could give a speech on the steps of the state capital about how roundhouse kicks cure "the gays" and I wouldn't even blink.

muscleman

PORN IS BAD????Show me the horndog boy in that audience that heard a word thisIdiot said after that.

foolsage

Grah. Blerg.

There is so much offensive about this kind of normative bullshit.

L.O.V.E.

I don't think Pajiba is being fair to this guy. How can he defend himself on this site when he can't leave a comment because he has been preemptively happily banned. Its a Catch-Twentydouche.

Fabius_Maximus

The guy has a Myspace page. Do you think he could deal with Disqus?

foolsage

* double rimshot *

Panda

This is the high school I attended...I'm beyond speechless. When I went, it was the only high school in the district that didn't have abstinence-only education and my teachers actively encouraged me to be loud and out-spoken. How times have changed. Guess they really wanted to be in the news again now that people forget that the Pearl Jam song "Jeremy" was based on an event that happened there now decades ago.

The Mama

Damnit. Freaking Justin is making me comment twice.

Justin? Keeping women "covered up" is a nice way of saying that women should wear burquas because the men might not be able to control themselves if they see a well-turned ankle.

And dear sweet baby Jesus, did you guys check out his website? Under the FAQs, his response is "legal in every state". WHAT?

loo shag brolley

" It’s very cool to see the kids faces when “the tall man” starts to speak their language."

How would you get your hair to do that? Does he have to gel a tiny section at a time? I don't understand why he'd take the time and effort when it ends up looking so very, very ugly.

hoppergrass

I'm guessing he does it because, as he states in his.. er, I mean GOD'S rules for dateability: "Dateable guys know life is about danger. You might not win, but that’s not the point, doing it is. Dateable guys risk failure to live the adventure of life." It must be so much easier to get that message across to teens when you can actively demonstrate said failure.

Twillahiss

Oh OUCH! hahaha

hoppergrass

Dating the Lookadouche Way: A Play in One Act

BOY and GIRL stand in the crowded, well-lit church parking lot beside GIRL's smoking car. BOY's shirt sleeves are rolled up, and a splash of motor oil streaks across his chin. In one hand, he holds a slab of beef ribs, dashing the meat from the bone with his strong, white teeth as he lifts the hood and peers into the machinery. GIRL does something... I dunno, something chaste and modest; do we really care?

BOY: When did you first notice the problem?

GIRL: (blushes)

BOY: I mean, how long has it been doing that?

GIRL: (ducks head)

BOY: Seriously, I need to know - did you hit something?

GIRL: (bites her lower lip, but in a manner that could in no way be considered titillating)

BOY: I can't fix this unless you give me a hint where to start looking.

GIRL: (opens her mouth, wisely reconsiders)

BOY: I give up.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. END SCENE

BlackRabbit

Come on, give me a challenge for someone to dislike. This jackhole is low-hanging fruit in the douche universe.

Ben

What is he? I mean judging from the picture there is no way that is a human being.

Repo

I can't decide which eye to look him in to tell him he's an idiot.

Ben

that header photo looks like he just saw himself in a mirror and is experiencing a mix of shock and disgust over his hair.

The Mama

Well, first of all, maybe I would give little Justin here some more credence if he, you know, had some better grammar. Justin, darling, if you're reading this, please review the rules of commas and capital letters when you're using quotation marks. Also? "Let's" translates to "let us". "Lets" means "allow". So, to make it more clear, you can't write the phrase "...let's God run the world" because that means "...let us God run the world". Which, you know, doesn't make sense.

Secondly, if this jackass came anywhere near my daughter and told her that a "dateable girl isn't Miss Independent", we would have some strong words. I'd like Justin to talk to my mama, who was the originator of the "strong women in this family" speech, which I am proud to admit that I now give my daughter,

Thirdly, Justin, I'd like you to look my nine year old daughter in the eye and tell her that boys are more adventurous, stronger, and more dangerous than she is. My daughter who, by the way, wears two different socks every day because that's the way she likes it, and now all the kids in her class do it, too. Who rocks a fake fur vest, combat boots with the glitter coming off, and a neon rainbow skirt, all at the same time. Who has never met a roller coaster she doesn't like. Who isn't afraid to tell people she likes to read. Who says to me, in response to me pointing out that maybe she should tone down her outfit a bit and find things that match, "Mama, I like the way it looks. Why do you care what anyone else thinks?" And who has more self-confidence in her little finger than I, at 38, have in my whole body.

So you know what, Justin Douchalookawhatever? Fuck you.

Also? I'm undateable, too.

stella

Your daughter sounds awesome

sanity fair

Mama,

You are awesome, and you have an awesome daughter. Don't stop doing whatever you're doing, because you're doing it right.

So I took the quiz, undatable of course, and read the dating rules. I guess this guy doesn't believe his god made women with even Aspergers. Apparently someone with different social skills is not godly enough.

I'm so glad those girls in Richardson said something publicly. This is why I'm so glad that there was no social media when I was in high school in Texas.

KittySnide

I took the quiz! both of them, actually. Lady KittySnide is "Totally Dateless!" but Dude KittySnide is "Da Man"!

mehgs

Similar to my results except as a man I'm borderline. Apparently I'm a real horndog as a dude.

Maguita NYC

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"CONGRATS! You’re a wanted woman. Guys are dying to find out more about you. That’s what keeps ‘em coming back for more. Your phone’s probably ringing off the hook. You don’t tell people everything in the world about yourself. You know they can’t take it all in at once and so you only give them a little peek at a time. Keep being Dateable!"

Don't feel bad, Maguita, I'm dateable too. :O Thing is, most of the advice basically rounds up to "shut the f** up and listen to the other person now and then" - which would be GOOD advice, were it aimed at BOTH PEOPLE ON THE GODDAM DATE.

Maguita NYC

Why, how dare you! Only you should be shutting up and listening to the other person... Unless she's a woman...

hoppergrass

I'm undateable: "The mystery is gone. You’ve probably told him everything about you so why would he want to see you again?" I don't know; 'cause I'm also kinda slutty?

sanity fair

Hey, me too! SISTER SLUTS UNITE!!

Ben

Is just liking someone and enjoying spending time with them out of the question? Man I've been doing this whole dating thing wrong then.

emmalita

Someone probably forgot tell you that you were less sensitive and needed to go do guy things. And do all the talking, because dateable girls shut up.

Ben

Fuck, man I'm glad this was posted. I'm getting ready to Marry a girl, but she like... talks and shit. So I'd better dump her arse and find someone properly datable.

Maguita NYC

You better have her take that test Ben before she walks down the isle. Also, make sure she knows where her place is in the home you'll be sharing ;)

Maguita NYC

Forget about him. Slutty is how I like'em! So tell me ALL about yourself little Hoppergrass.

Does "douche" and all its various add ons reinforce gender norms, kind of like "bitch"? I'm under the impression it does and thus try to stick to "asshole".

Kris

I like "asshat" myself. Non-gender specific with a nice, appropriate head-up-the-ass visual.

loo shag brolley

Nah. Douche is a product that is sold to women that purports to benefit them, when in fact it does the opposite and can be quite harmful.

In short: "douche" applies.

firedmyass

I've lately been substituting the gender-neutral "enema."

Ben

A douche is different to an arsehole is different to a bitch.

bleujayone

Did his Mommy get drunk and fuck a pufferfish during a Spring Break trip?

Finance_Nerd

He looks like Guy Fieri after a few rounds of chemo. "Hey kids, in Flavortown, a guy will be looking while a dateable girl does the cooking."

stella

Your avatar Is just perfect.

Finance_Nerd

Thank you... I think

Mrcreosote

There's a picture on his site of him with that hateful douche Jerry Falwell. He compares himself to Jordan and freely uses "chillin with my peeps". He has a myspace page. I'm sure he thinks of himself as a "brand". I'm usually nicer about this, but seeing how his entire life revolves around feeding kids his hip jesus horseshit how about we just tie a cage of rabid rats to his junk. That's what J.C. would want because he was EXTREEEEEEME!!!

Pinky McLadybits

He looks like the love child of Angelica's Cynthia doll and the "ALIENS!" dude from the History Channel. TEACH ME YOUR BIBLICAL WAYS, LOOKADOUCHE!

Maguita NYC

To understand Lookadoosh, I had to have me some hooch, and dance around baring my happily undateable naked cooch.

One has to be drunk to agree with any of that shit. As for getting biblical... Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tinkerville

It's really very nice of him to have such an appalling hairstyle. Makes him easy to recognize and then suckerpunch.

stella

Yeah, I really want to talk about that, but Id hate to be undateable.

IngridToday

I spent about a minute trying to figure out what the hell as going on this hair. The most confusing part is that he clearly spent time making it look that way.

chanohack

IT MAKES THE KIDS THINK HE'S HIP AND WISE. OBVIOUSLY.

Stu Rat

Hey, it isn't easy getting that "Fraggle" look.

Sara_Tonin00

Why, Wembley, why?! What happened to you? Too many years of living in Gobo's shadow?

Sara_Tonin00

Thank you. I clicked on this post, and then thought "why do I click on things that will enrage me?"

But then looking at pictures of teenage girls from all races in the heart of Texas taking a stand against this wildly inappropriate speaker made me breathe a sigh of relief for the next generation.