Sunday, October 26, 2008

If you ever happen to call for anti-American investigations on national TV, and you find yourself having to explain or apologize to the American public, do not--I repeat--do not make your quasi mea culpa crazier than what got you in trouble in the first place.

Sincerely,

Mr. Sponge

Once again our nation is at a crossroads and it is a time for choosing. We could embrace government as an answer for our problems, or we can choose freedom and liberty. I may not always get my words right but I know that my heart is right because my heart is for you, for your children, and for the blessings of liberty to remain for our great country.

You may be wondering a few things. Let me help:

Yes, she frequently gets her words wrong. Thoughts too.

No, freedom and liberty are not at odds with our American style of governance.

Yes, Michele Bachmann is a member of the government. She can even make laws.

No, El Tinklenberg's is not a selfish, child-hating, Russia-loving goon.

Yes, she really is saying that she should be given a second chance because she tries super-duper hard.

I know I'm kind of beating a dead horse here, and I promise that this is my last post on the subject, but it's really not all that hard to not say that Barack Obama is anti-American. It's really not all that hard not to call for anti-American investigations into the policies of members of Congress. No matter how bad you are with the English language, this sort of thing really isn't a problem for most people who are able to remain upright and in good standing with things like oxygen to the brain and a steady caloric intake. You really need to go out of your way to make these kinds of points.

So, to recap: Michele Bachmann was caught on tape saying some crazy things that were both scripted to a message and directly from her heart. First, she denied sayingsuch things and when that didn't hold up she then claimed that she was trapped into converting her carefully scripted and heartfelt thoughts into carefully scripted and heartfelt spoken words (while finding the time to take a few swipes at the biased media and their "double standards"). When this didn't work she went on the Hugh Hewitt and Mike Gallagher GOP radio shows and repeated large chunks of her original heartfelt craziness. Not surprisingly this approach didn't work every well either. (Please keep in mind that throughout all of these bumbling calculations, Mrs. Bachmann's heart was always...always in the right place.) Her next (and last?) approach to this crisis at the crossroads was the little ad you see above. It's not an apology and it really doesn't even approach the communicative level of a mimed explanation, but there it is: unapologetically heartfelt and entirely disconnected from the words that escaped her lips on the Chris Matthews' Show.

Remember, this new approach is being trotted out after her campaign has had days to think about exactly what they should say. The ad was pre-recorded and I'm sure they had time to make everything right, from the lighting to the script. With all of this in mind, it is nothing short of stunning that her message appears to be as follows: Dear members of the 6th district, it is very likely that I will do and say some very, very stupid--if not downright crazy--things during these dangerous and transformational times. However, you should know that no matter how much I may screw up, I love you, your children, and America more than the other guy.

2nd note to self: If you ever attempt to make an apology or explain away your call for anti-American investigations, it's probably best that you don't frame your message in terms of who loves apple pie and liberty the most.