To chat with funeral celebrant Lawrence McInnes is to explore the changing ways we recognize and remember life and death.

The
funeral celebrant is a relatively new role that fills an increasing
need. More and more people do not have a religious affiliation and so
do not have a pastor to turn to when a death occurs.

Sometimes these families assume there is no need for a funeral service. But McInnes disagrees.

“Every life is worth celebrating,” he says, “When there is no funeral, there is no opportunity to start the grieving process.”

The
notion of the funeral celebrant is “such a great idea,” McInnes says,
“as it is extremely important to a family to have a memorial to
celebrate the life of the person who has died.

“It is a passage of life that needs to be recognized.”

McInnes
brings to this work a background as a lawyer and crown attorney. He is
also a very involved member of the community, including being a lay
worship leader in the United Church.

In retirement, he took
the opportunity to become a funeral celebrant. He is certified by the
In-Sight Institute in the U.S. and is associated with Brockie Donovan
Funeral Home.

His approach is infused with an obvious depth, curiosity and empathy.

Being
a funeral celebrant, says McInnes, is the “most interesting, most
satisfying work I’ve ever done. It is such a huge privilege to be able
to share those people’s lives and experience those memories.”

As a celebrant, McInnes starts by meeting with the family to plan the funeral.

But “funeral” or “memorial service” often do not adequately describe the possibilities to mark a death.

Because
there is no need to follow a traditional religious or other pattern,
the options are open. Choices include venue, music, speakers, readings,
ceremonies (like candle lighting or balloon release), and participation
of the people attending.

And modern technology is creating
even more opportunities. Some services, for example, are broadcast over
the Internet. They then can be experienced live anywhere in the world
by those who cannot be there in person.

During the
preparatory meetings, family members tell their stories of the
deceased, often revealing perspectives that have never been told
before. McInnes says that families find it very helpful to share these
stories, even those of abuse and other unhappy experiences.

These stories also provide information for the eulogy. (Often the celebrant will do the eulogy, although others may as well.)

Composing
the eulogy can be assisted greatly by any oral histories or memoirs
that have been prepared earlier. Such accounts, McInnes points out, can
be invaluable in keeping alive for future generations the memories of
those who have died.

McInnes believes that the eulogy should reflect the totality of the deceased – the good and the bad.

“You don’t have to dwell on the bad, but if it exists, you need to deal with it.”

Funeral
celebrants are playing an important role in changing how we think about
death. Old traditions are not being observed as commonly as before. New
customs and practices are being developed.

Changes at the
individual level are also transforming how the community remembers the
lives of its citizens. And as funerals, memorials and obituaries are
posted on the Internet, there is often a forum inviting everyone to
participate.

McInnes notes that our commemorating of life and death is also being inspired by ideas shared in the wider society.

One
is the “handprint” that recognizes how the deceased has touched the
lives of others. Each person participating touches the urn or casket to
leave a symbolic handprint.

This practice comes from the memorial at the site of the 1990’s terrorist bombing in Oklahoma City.

Visitors
there have created their own meaningful tradition. They first wet a
hand in the reflecting pool. They then make a fleeting impression of a
handprint on the metal face of the memorial.