Monthly Archives: April 2015

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Day Nineteen: Don’t Stop the Rockin’

Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop. No self-editing, no trash-talking, and no second guessing: just go. Bonus points if you tackle an idea you’ve been playing with but think is too silly to post about.

I guess I will start at the beginning. Rumi. He has been coming up in my life a lot recently. I should figure out who the heck he is first, then figure out what he has to say. I do like this quote….

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

For someone who lived in the 13th century a lot of his stuff makes sense today. Especially the wine one.

Okay enough of that crap. I am not looking for extra credit by tackling something I have been working on that is “too silly” Everything about me is silly in one way or another. I have been working on a couple of things that I hope to finish one day. I’ve been working so hard on Writing101 that I have been neglecting my Blog. LMAO!!!! or at least what I thought was going to be my blog.

I have a few unfinished master pieces. I think I may have my first installment of an angel series I want to try out. Writing about angels was not part of the plan when I started this blog. Life happens and things change.

Cool 250 words. Almost done LOL

Relationships are not one of my areas of expertise, yet I wicked want to write about them. I have experimented with writing about online relationship a bit, but I want to write about other relationships as well. Mother/daughter and husband and wife come to mind. Relationships with my beagle could be entertaining. But if you have never owned a beagle, you might not understand. Even after I explain it.

83 more words and I am done. I know that because in 4th grade I was taught about reciprocals. I bet they don’t even teach that math method today. I remember every day we would get the same quiz. Get a 100% on the quiz and no more quizzes. You got early recess instead. I had trouble getting that 100%. Did I mention it was timed? I knew my reciprocals I just didn’t them fast enough. Until one day my teacher watched me. I would go down one column, up the next, down again, and up the last. The teacher suggested I go only down. Top to Bottom. Wouldn’t you know it the next time I took the quiz I got 100%. You’d think I would have learned the life lesson of “taking suggestions” back then. NOPE took me another 35 years for that lesson to sink in.

Uh Oh 461 words. I know it said “at least” 400 words. I have no problem with that. I need help knowing when I am done. That 461 which is now 492 can easily morph into 1004. I wicked like the word “Morph” right now. I seem to be getting a lot of use out of it. 516 is a pretty good number too. But now that I said that the count has gone higher. See that it just went up again.

Every time I do, say, or think of something related to me being okay, I have to write it down. I have started carrying paper and pens with me every where I go. If I write it down, it will get out of my head. Unfortunately then I am onto the next obsessive thought. Which then needs to be written down.

I am so glad the medication I take for OCD is working. Can you imagine where I’d be if it wasn’t. I know where I’d be. I’d be very upset with the word count of this post. That is where I’d be. Damnit I had to bring that up didn’t I? I think 4 more words would lessen the anxiety. 143, I can work with 143. Add them together and you get 8. 8 is a good number. Damnit now I have 157. Add them together and you get 13 which is 4 when added together. Four is a very good number. But that leaves me with 179. I can’t do anything with 179. I must keep writing words or deleting ones I already have to make an acceptable number.

See, changing Obsessive Thought Thursday to How My Mind Works Wednesday is sounding like a very good idea. It would be more general than just O.T.T. Less limited than just obsessive thoughts. I could really let you know how this mind works or doesn’t work. Then maybe someone out there could help explain things and fix it.

I think the best thing to do right now (so I can end this post) is to challenge the word count. I have been spending a lot of time challenging the OCD and have survived each and every time. Maybe it is time to challenge it again so I can hit publish. Then deal with anxiety I may or may not feel.

Now if I could just get this picture where it belongs all will be right with the world.

Day Eighteen: Hone Your Point of View Today’s prompt: write this story in first person, told by the twelve-year-old sitting on the stoop across the street. Today’s twist: For those of you who want an extra challenge, think about more than simply writing in first-person point of view — build this twelve-year-old as a character. Reveal at least one personality quirk, for example, either through spoken dialogue or inner monologue.

The neighbourhood has seen better days, but Mrs. Pauley has lived there since before anyone can remember. She raised a family of six boys, who’ve all grown up and moved away. Since Mr. Pauley died three months ago, she’d had no income. She’s fallen behind in the rent. The landlord, accompanied by the police, have come to evict Mrs. Pauley from the house she’s lived in for forty years.

Mom and dad were at it again last night. They call it discussing. Sounds like fighting to me. This time it was about Mama Joe. I’m on Mom’s side. I think we should help Mama Joe. Mama Joe has always been there for us. Me and every other kid in this neighborhood.

I’ve felt sad before but this is different. It is more than just being sad. Mama Joe is being forced out and they need cops to help do it. She’s like a hundred and two. Do they really need cops? There is something wrong with this situation. I’m 12 and I can see the wrong ness in what is going on. Why can’t anyone else see it?

Mama Joe is this neighborhood. She babysat my parents before they were my parents. She watched me and every other kid around here. She was always there. When anyone needed anything, she was there. Now she needs us and there is no one.

Mom and dad think I don’t know what is going on. But I know. I hear things. I know more than they think I know.

Sitting here, boy my butt is getting sore. I don’t want to leave. I want to see what happens. I want to see how they get this lady out of her house. I have seen the letters sent to her. I have read them. That’s how Mom and dad know what is going on. I told them. If I hadn’t told them, they wouldn’t know crap. If they didn’t know crap, they wouldn’t have been “discussing” her.

Do they really need the cops? Everyone knows Mama Joe can be stubborn, but the cops. Come on. Really? I haven’t seen any sign of her kids. I wonder if they even know this is happening. Do they even care? She probably hasn’t even mentioned it to them.

Mom is right. Mama Joe should live with us. We may not be able to help with her money stuff, but we do have that extra room. I would love to have her to talk to all the time. She has the best stories. I have learned more about history from her than all my teachers combined. She didn’t just read about it. She lived it. Listening to her makes me feel like I am there living it with her.

The cops have been in there a long time. What could they be doing in there? Doesn’t anyone else see something wrong with this? Mama Joe has taken care of people her whole life. Now when she needs help, no one is there. I’m here. But I am 12. What can one 12-year-old do?

Hmmmm…. maybe…. Nah that would be bad. I’d so love to slash the tires of the police car. Maybe hit the landlord’s car as well. Damn I wish I had thought of that when they first got here. It’s probably too late now. I’d never get away with it. Plus I couldn’t disappoint Mama Joe like that.

The funny thing is I am supposed to be in school right now. Nobody has noticed me sitting here. If Mama Joe wasn’t so busy with her crap, she would notice. She doesn’t miss a thing. I am learning more here than I would in school anyway. Here I am learning about life. I am learning that life truly sucks. It just isn’t fair.

Mama Joe always called me an old soul. She never did tell me what that meant. Well this old soul has no answers.

I wonder where that ambulance is going? Most people on the street are at work or school. Wicked bummer. It is stopping across the street. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to end well, but I did not expect this. It can’t be that much of an emergency. The ambulance dudes are moving pretty slow. I hope Mama Joe is okay. Maybe they aren’t even here for her. Maybe she fought back. Not that she could, but I’d like to think she did. It has been too quiet for that.

I guess I’ll just keep my butt where it is. At least until I know what is going on or someone notices that I am sitting here. Only Mama Joe would notice. Mama Joe is the only one who ever notices me. I am going to miss that. I am going to miss her.

Day Seventeen: Your Personality on the Page. Today’s Prompt: We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears. Today’s Twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own

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haha No commas!!!! I have been afraid of so many things for so long it is hard to pick just one. But I will. I fear losing My Home

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Right now. I have My Home.

It is me. My partner. My beagle.

I have had other similar homes. Some included my partner and beagle.

Others did not.

This is My Home. I am content here. It is peaceful.

Life can be hard. I do it anyway.

It is quiet here. I can hear me. I can hear you. I can hear my partner.

I do not always understand him. I know this. I listen anyway.

I can hear my beagle.

Today.

He has less to say. He still talks.

I listen to it all and to nothing. I hear the quiet. The noise is gone.

I was taking a day off from writing. I was gonna do nothing, but maybe read a bit. Yah Right. I read a friend’s blog post. I left a reply to that friend. This is my reply.

Sorry I do not have any questions about the hospital, but do need to know more about the chair room. I have never heard of such a thing(It’s been 2 years since I was last in hospital).

Who pays for it? If the insurance pays, how is it billed to them? Who originally thought this “room” was a good idea? Is it just the hospital you went to that has it or are there many similar ones across the country? Could you have left if you chose to? I’m sure if I thought longer I could come up with many more questions, but right now I just have 1 left. Well It is more of a statement.

There is something seriously wrong with the mental health system in this country if you spent 2 days in a chair because there was no bed available to you. I’m not saying they need more beds, I am saying they need to figure out a way to need less beds. Obviously something is not working somewhere. And don’t look to other countries for answers. Their systems are different but just as messed up. I think they need to listen to us. The ones who need the beds.

I was taking a day off from writing and look at me go. Thank you Lily. I just might have to go back to my blog and vent about this. Oh look I already did vent 😀

I hope you have as good a day as you are capable of having.

I kind of have the feeling this is not going to be the end of me talking about “the chair room” and just think I wanted to get drunk and forget today was even happening.

I’m back and so is the story of MrAl. My first real online friend. One day I sent him an email. The reply I got was horrifying to say the least. It was from his wife. His wife didn’t know that much about the Net and emails and web sites. I remember her telling me she contacted her daughter and said, “Get on that thing, find someone, and tell them.” They found me. MrAl had died and his wife had no way of telling all the people he had built relationships with via the Net. Although he had met very few of them IRL, he ‘knew them’ and they ‘knew him’.

When his wife was finally able to contact me, it became my job to contact everyone else. I had only met his wife twice, but knew in my heart I needed to do this for her. She had no other way of letting people know he was gone. I like to think I did my job well. Some people I emailed, some I phoned, and some had to read it on a message board. I took my job one step further. I copied everything everyone wrote in response to Al’s death. Although many of the people did not know Al IRL, they were connected. They loved and cared for him. They had so many heartwarming things to say. His wife needed to know about these people and how much her husband had meant to them. My Mom and I went to Al’s funeral. I handed his family every great thing that was written about him. I hope on some level, they took some comfort in those words.

Today, people on the Net know so little and so much about me at the same time. They know what I think and feel, but do not know my name. They know what makes me laugh, but not where I live. They know I am female, but not what I look like. I know the same about them. I know that Base lives in either NC or SC, but I do not know her husband’s name. I know that Moogs is sober and married with a kid on the way, but I do not know what he does for a living. ((((Hollow)))) is younger than Base and I, is half a twin, and lives in Oh Canada But,

Do I really know these things about them???? Baseline could be from NY and have homicidal tendencies. Moogs could be a show girl in Las Vegas. Hollow? Well, ((((Hollow)))) says she is from Oh Canada. I know so much yet so little about them. But, when I woke up extra early today and wanted someone to talk with, there were people there. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 3651/4 days a year. It may be 3 a.m. in my neck of the woods, but in Australia it is daytime. People are awake and ready for me.

One thing that is very different between real life and Internet relationships. The conversation you are having with an internet friend can all of a sudden end. When your Net connection stops for some reason, so does your conversation. This can be good and this can be bad. Great conversations have abruptly ended for me as have conversations I wanted to end but didn’t know how. I guess I could accidently disconnect.

Back to my original online friendships. Starwindsinger. Starwindsinger was the name of the woman who slept over my mountain home with her son. I was feeling bad that I could not remember her name. My Mom always told me, if you can’t remember a name, go through each letter of the alphabet. The letters you hesitate on are the ones that will begin their name. I kept hearing “S” and “J” in my brain. Then Starswinger floated around for a while. I finally landed/settled on Starwindsinger. Then the “J” started up again. By the time I got home, I knew her name was Jackie. Jackie Starwindsinger. I feel better remembering her name. I mean,” shoot, her kid and her had a sleepover at someone’s house they never met before.” I should at least remember her name.

I thought I was going to talk more about my present day online relationships in this post, but then I recalled having a second set of friends I originally met via the Net. I had just moved from the city to the mountains and knew no one. I had also been diagnosed with ADD. I put it together and found online support in my area for adults with ADD. We had a few people in the group and we met in public places. I do not recall ever being weary of meeting them in person. Today I am weary with every little bit of information I share on the Net. The Net and the people of the Net have definitely changed over the years, but I have changed as well. I wonder what has changed the most????

Stay tuned for part three. I did not know there was going to be a part 3.

Today’s Prompt: Think about an event you’ve attended and loved. Imagine you’re told it will be cancelled forever or taken over by an evil corporate force. Today’s twist: While writing this post, focus again on your own voice.

“OMG this wicked sounds like me. It was so hard to misspell so many words, but it was the only way my voice would be heard. I had no idear where to staht with this assignment, but I ended up having a lot of fun with it.”

I can’t believe this is happinin’. I can’t believe they are doin’ what they are doin’. It has been the same way forevah. Well, 50 years forevah anyway.

Workers in the other union, the powahs that be, and those not in a union want to change everything. “Make 1 big pahty for the whole institution,” they annonncd. WTF!!!! This pahty has always been R pahty. R time. R time to let loose. R time to not care. R time to not worry what others think. What moron from r local union let this happen? We are a union, don’t we get a vote?

R pahty was always the best. It had everyone from the facility undah grade 16 in attendance. That meant direct care, therapists, LPN’s, cooks, you name it. Everyone who had daily client contact, except the RN’s. The RN’s had their own union, so we snuck the ones we liked into r party.

R Pahty!!!! I cannot stress this enough. It was Ow-wer pahty. We were always smaht about planning the pahty. It always took place at the same hotel. That way we could drink and drink and drink and not worry about gettin’ home. We just had to find the elevatah and we were in.

I will never forget the year my future husband attended the pahty, but nevah really attended the pahty. He hadn’t planned on going, so he nevah bought a ticket. He was scheduled to work that night. He did not end up doing that. Instead, he got a hotel room and spent the whole pahty time in it. He had more food in that room than I had at the pahty. I don’t remember how many people we had in the room that night, but it was a lot. At one point I swear we had more people in his room than the pahty had downstairs. This would not have worked if this was 1 big facility pahty. Oh no! It would have been wicked different. Sex in the hotel bathroom would not have been an option.

People will act different at a total facility pahty. Knowing the person at the next table could be watching and has the powah to make your life miserable does not make for a good time. This was always R time to let loose. We all had a very stressful work environment. We needed this pahty. We needed something that was just Rrrr’s.

I can’t believe the administraters convinced r so called leaders to allow every employee from work to come this year. They say it is so the whole place can feel like they are one. Well I say, Screw That! Someone, somewhere, must be getting something for this to happen. Maybe Joe is getting a secret extra week of sick time. Maybe Sue is being blackmailed into allowing this. I don’t believe a single word being said. I’m sure money is involved somehow. It always is. I bet the admins offah to foot the bill of the whole pahty was a deciding facter.

At work we are one. Not that administration can see that. They see me as a peon. They think they are above me. That is all they see. But if it wasn’t for this peon and others like me, this facility would fail miserably. At work we need to work as a team. Outside of work we do not need to pahty as one. This pahty would relieve us of a years’ worth of stress in one night. Now the pahty itself is going to add stress. How can I discuss big ole Admin Barbara’s antics, with a member I haven’t seen in a year, if I don’t know if the man next to me is her husband or not?

This changes so much. Obviously the powahs that be, on r end were not thinking. I bet the administraters got jealous. Jealous because they heard the rumahs, they heard the talk. They heard how much fun we had. They want to be paht of R fun. By them being a paht of it, they take rrrr’s away .

I’d like to go this year’s pahty just to see. Just to see how many regulars really go. Just thinkin’ that has set my mind in motion. I say we plan 2 pahties. The one the administration is planning for us and the one we plan for rselves. There just might be time. I think I can organize it well enough. I know I can get a few people from the oth-ah buildings to keep quiet about it. Hmmmm???? Now that I think about it, they just might have the wrong people in chahge around heyah.

Day Fourteen: To Whom It May Concern

Today’s Prompt: Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration Today’s twist: write the post in the form of a letter.

There are just so many different uses for the word. It has had quite a history and I am sure a very fine future. It has been used as titles of movies, a magazine, and music albums. There is a whole series of books and many working in the crash test field. The word that jumped out of me on page 29 was dummy. I chuckled as I realized I could definitely work with that. The definitions I am going to focus on is a stupid person; idiot; jackass; moron; and to keep silent; refuse to answer; as in ‘dummy up’.

Hey dumbass,

haha I laugh at you today. Did you really think you could get rid of me forever. You know I may leave temporarily but I never go far. You are a true idiot if you think that just because I have been gone so long this time that you start to think I could never return. I am here to remind you of me. Remind you of what I can do.

What a moron you can be sometimes. You were getting too smaht there for a while. I had to change things up a bit. I came at you working with agitation and irritability this time. Wasn’t I the smaht one? Remember, I always return. I may look different sometimes, but I guarantee it is always me.

I may have stayed away too long this time though. You had time to work on other things. Get better in other ways. Find more support. I am very powerful and will always be able to make you do what I want. I am sneaky and unrelenting.

Have as much fun as you can for now. Because I am coming back. I am coming back stronger than ever.

– See you soon – Your depressive brain

Hey Jack ass,

Guess what. The jokes on you. I see you coming. Too much time has passed. I had time to do things. Time to change things. The biggest thing I have done was become more aware. So aware that I already see you messing around with my sleep. You are trying to fool me by doing it slowly, but I am not fooled. I can see it happening. So guess what? I did not dummy up this time. When I saw you playing with my sleep this month, I got voice to talk about it. I and other folk are aware of what you are trying to do. They all know. They are all watching. We have ways to make you lose control of sleep. When we sleep, you lose your power. We are not letting you get so out of hand that you get strong this time. We will stop you and stop you now.

We are no longer the dummy you thought you had to work with. I played it smaht. I learned new skills, tried new things, became more courageous, and voice worked with mouth to open up. We have the power to kick your dumbass.

Bring it on Depressive brain this is the new and improved, strong, mighty, healthy brainyou are messing with this time. And, I have control of voice. Boy, she has loved talking. I almost forgot, we found hope too. We found her and we are not letting go of her this time.

Now i’m having more ideas about my feature. The quick original answer to the assignment in blogging 101 was vent once a week. Then it went to Random Obsessive Thought Tuesday. Which morphed into Obsessive Thought Thursday (O.T.T.). Now I have a new idea. How My Mind Works Wednesday? Yup I think that is what I am going to end up with. At least until I come up with the next wicked cool idea.

suggest to WordPress a possible change in blogging 101 assignment Day Fifteen: Create a New Posting Feature. Mention the feature assignment in the beginning days of the class, but do not make it an assignment until the end. people have more time to think about it.

Unless they planned on me changing my feature every 7-14 days???? 🙂

Today is a special day. It was Christmas in my house this week and we all got toys. I got a new camera. I was playing with that and PicMonkey. This is what happened to my living room when I put those 2 things together.

baby gate in screen door. It will not stop a beagle who smells a critter but it makes us feel better

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wherehaveIbeen?whereamIgoing?

Humor has gotten me through some very tough times. I depend on humor. One goal I have is to make someone smirk, smile, or laugh every day. Chuckles are good too.
You can learn more about my life RIGHT HERE
I've been here since Feb2015 (Jan is a mistake) and I still don't know why I am here or what I am doing.

ALL names in ALL posts have ALL been changed to protect ALL the
innocent.