New patient marketing is all about finding clients that will bring repeat business, refer their friends and family, and basically spread good vibes about you to the surrounding community. But lately the social coupon craze has poured mud into the water, causing consumers and business owners alike to lose sight of these goals. The result is second-class service that most customers begrudgingly accept because, well, it’s a DEAL!

A few months ago I purchased one of these group coupons for 60 percent off of a full auto detail from a local car wash. Not only was I disappointed with the way I was treated once I redeemed my voucher, I realized that dentists often get stuck by the same traps that caught our car wash business owner when offering any sort of discount.

Rule 1: You should treat Groupon patients the same as your regular patients.

Two weeks ago I left my second voice mail message at the detailing center. The first phone call was never returned the week previous, but this time the owner called me back immediately. Maybe this was going to work out after all. Yes, he could reserve an appointment for me on the day I asked, but because a lot of people are trying to use their vouchers before they expire, he says the only time he can see me is for an early morning drop off. Not a problem.

So last Friday I drop the car off without incident. The owner assures me that the service will be superb, and I am like, hey, maybe these social coupon deals are worth my time. What a way to “kick the tires” and make sure that a business meets my needs, right?

Right? Ehh, not so much. Basically I got a $70 detailing for $70. If I’d paid the regular price of $179 and they’d called what they did to my car “detailing” I would have made them stay there another hour to go back over all the idiotic things that were missed, with me glaring over them for the inconvenience. And maybe I’d even ask for a HUGE discount.

But I was a pre-pay with my coupon. Instead, it was all I could do to get the heck out of there as quickly as I could. Don’t look back. And don’t go back.

Rule 2: Remember who you are trying to attract.

Out of the 150 auto detailing deals that were purchased during the offer period, only four were in the local area, according to the owner, and he seemed to think that those that traveled out of their way to visit his shop weren’t likely to come back. And then… as one of the four that lived locally, I got treated like one of the out-of-towners! Sheesh.

Not only do you want your marketing efforts to attract more repeat customers than one-timers, when you do have a “keeper” you need to make sure that they value not only your coupon offer but that they can see your Big Picture. In other words, why you signed on to be a Coupon Dentist in the first place. Many patients are hungry to understand your practice philosophy and your ethics. Make sure that you don’t compromise either when you decide to participate in a Daily Deal.

Rule 3: Create an offer with No Regrets.

The worst thing you can do is to go upside-down on a social coupon deal, where it actually costs you money to fulfill an offer. Forget prophys because of the perio thing – you don’t want to gnaw off more than you can occlusally manipulate. But then again, if you don’t make your deal enticing enough you won’t get anyone to purchase it.

You also have to be careful with the cuts you agree to share with the various coupon aggregators, and that you’re not ending up with the super-short end of the stick.

Above all, you don’t want your offer to be a Cheapie Freebie. Whitening kits are notorious for post-coupon exasperation in the dental practice. Take the whitening kit and run, say most of the Deal of the Day playbooks.

My suggestion for a Dental Deal that will attract new patients, enthuse your existing client base, and give your dental team a skip in their step, without tying up valuable chair time? Why not offer something that isn’t even dentistry? Try offering digital smile makeover photo shoots.

Maybe the offer reads like this:

“You want to look like a million bucks, but your teeth might be knocking a few zeroes off that last photo session. The smile designers at Dr. Chill’s Dental Practice can bring Photoshop magic to your mouth with this personalized production starring you and your potential.What you’ll get (a $50 value):

• A one-on-one review of your ideas for smile enhancement • A 30 minute shoot at our own photo studio • High-resolution professional headshots, including minor retouching and the smile design of your choice, emailed to you

And be prepared to change your LinkedIn photo soon.”

So you charge a small sum for this, say $15. Hopefully the coupon websites will let you do something for this low. And even though you’ve heard this so much that it’s probably a cliche’ to you by now, keep in mind the most important rule of all:

Rule 4: Under-promise and over-deliver.

The bottom line is that you want to give buyers a reason to become patients.

You can make fun of yourself in your ad copy when you mention that you also want a person to come back as a dental patient. Because that’s like, duh. But you can’t say that “you’ll love us so much that you’ll want to get all that dental work done.” Whatever.

Or you can emphasize how at-home patients will feel in your practice if you have that sort of relaxed environment. Send each purchaser a note about your practice before they redeem their coupons. But no baiting and switching with high-pressure sales pitches. Keep it real, keep it caring, and most importantly, build a relationship with each person that comes in with the coupon. Everyone knows that it costs money to get dental work done. You just want to be sure that patients have your number when they’re ready to commit.

Think of this deal that you’re building in the same way that you think of magazines. The only reason that publishers let a magazine subscription go out for $12 per year is to create value in the mind of the subscriber (who reads free trade magazines cover to cover? no offense, PennWell publishing!) The real dollars come from the ad revenue, of course.

In that sense, your Groupon (or LivingSocial deal, or whatever program you use) can provide a photo service that professionals are looking for to enhance their online profiles, while at the same time creating low-cost marketing for you that is all about WBID: Warm Bodies In the Door.

And those warm bodies won’t care how much you know how to fix their mouths until they know how much you care*. Sometimes it’s just that simple.

*thank you to Linda Zdanowicz for her dental blog tagline that I tried to paraphrase to fit this article.

Photoshop is fun. You can use it to make a fake Yelp review to help illustrate a point that you’re trying to make about something else. Like a patient writing an online review of your dental practice:

Vindication, finally! Yelp lets me air the true story of this miserable experience, and no one can stop me.

First off, I had total confidence in the way I cared for my car – had the tires rotated every six months, oil changes every 3000 miles, if it was in the manual, I had it done.

About a year after I’d moved into town was when I began noticing a drift to the left (irrespective of the politics here *grin*) so I took my car into Dodgy’s Auto Clinic, which had the highest score on RateMechanics.com.

Get this! As I’m filling out some paperwork, one of the forms they’ve handed me is a “Privacy Agreement” that asked me to transfer ownership of any public commentary I might write in the future to Dodgy’s. Like this review – supposedly they now own it.

Did the red flag go up? Definitely. Did I heed the warning? Unfortunately not.

This mechanic BUTCHERED my car. Nothing feels the same. There are rattles where none previously existed, the steering wheel shimmies when I make a turn, and whenever I drive I just feel like taking a bus instead, it’s THAT BAD. They did fix the drift though, only now it goes in the opposite direction.

Just in case I was insane I took it to another shop to get an opinion about their repairs. The second place agreed that unneccessary “treatment” had happened and that it would be difficult and pricey to undo the damage.

In the end Dodgy’s did refund my money and asked that I not rip them apart online. I bet! The last thing they did as I walked out was to wave that “agreement” at me. Like it has any authority to do anything except make me mad. I have a destroyed car, and people should know the truth about this “Auto Clinic.”

So, Bring it, Dodgy’s. Bring your lawyers. I’ve got everything I need to defend my words. You want to own my words? Here. OWN EM. I now own YOU.

This is a frightening scenario for any service provider. We have a clearly upset individual that seems sincerely convinced her car was ruined by a repair shop. And just one of these unfavorable reviews can inflict massive online damage.

Now let’s take this to dentistry. You got some patients out there talking smack about the quality of your work. Not your chairside manner, not your front office person who was less than helpful about payment arrangements. We are in the heart of your business, a heart that could be ripped out by a singular disgruntled review.

Running a financially solvent and content dental practice is hard work. The challenges of keeping the schedule filled, placating unhappy patients, and ensuring the peace and tranquility between team members are constants that must be adhered to for the greater good of the practice.

None of these responsibilities are taken more seriously than that of the spouses of dentists. These individuals not only have a vested interest in the monetary success of their married dental partners but to better the daily operations and keep ‘the ship sailing smoothly’ as well.

With all of the positive traits and well-meaning leadership dental wives have in mind for their husbands’ offices, there are days, just a tad too many, actually, that your guidance and intentions seem to push the staff’s proverbial ‘button’, so to speak. May I dare say ‘lay the sauce a bit too thick’? If I may be so bold as to offer, ‘Make the employees want to ship you in a box to Africa’?

It’s a difficult pill to swallow, I agree, but I do have some various, and incredibly helpful options, to aid in your demanding role as dental spouse:

Pass out dental office brochures to businesses around a twenty square mile radius, three days a week.

Obviously this will take you away from the practice frequently. Think of it this way – you can hit Neiman Marcus, Restoration Hardware, and schedule appointments with contractors to remodel your kitchen. Just make sure our checks don’t bounce again, okay?

I would totally do this myself, but I need to be in the practice so– have fun! There are holes for your arms, but walking may pose a challenge. Oh, and there’s the white stockings and black shoes you have to wear. The staff attached a huge endodontic file to the top of your costume so the little ones understand why root canals are completely awful. Now, the suit gets sweaty and stinky after an hour, so make certain you bring a change of clothes. Come to think of it, you may want to shake it out a few times before you put it on. I thought I saw something crawling in it.

Take some time off

The staff knows you’ve earned it. You come in here, day after day after day, talking and talking, mispronouncing patients’ names then laughing about it, and we just feel like all that hard work deserves some rest and relaxation. In fact, we spoke to the doctor about it at one of the staff meetings. (You were Rooty that day so you missed the meeting.) Anyway, he feels that sending you to a month-long spa getaway is a fantastic idea for your peace of mind and well-being. You’re going to be busy next month – we got a new practice mascot costume for you!

Hey, thanks for checking in at the front desk ten minutes late for your appointment. I needed that slowdown in my schedule so that I could stand here at the door and watch your world come dramatically crashing down around your shoulders. Yes, that’s what you made it seem like would happen if you didn’t get to finish that cell phone conversation.

The “I see you” hand signal and nodding of your head told me that your legs were ready to walk my way but that your brain still belonged to that employee yapping in your ear. She couldn’t figure out how to click on some stupid program? Please, I wanted you to fire her right then and for you to get your backside into my chair.

You teased me with an apology. I relaxed, thinking that the time crunch was relieved, draped a napkin over your shirt, put the chair in prone position, but then it was shattered by your obnoxious Justin Bieber ringtone yelling at me BABY BABY BABY NOOOOOOOO! I couldn’t believe that you had the nerve to put that phone right up to your ear and say “What.” You didn’t see me roll my eyes way back into the sockets and into the next operatory as I waited for you to finish moving your mouth so that I could get you to open wide.

Was I gentle to you today? Yes. Did I want to be mean with my dental equipment? I won’t tell you. Did you even see the signs posted all over this office that are written in big bold letters “NO CELL PHONES PLEASE”? Even when I pointed at one of them and glared at you in the nicest way possible, you STILL thought it would be okay to hold your phone up in the air and do a little texting. WHILE I WAS WORKING IN YOUR MOUTH.

Well that’s it. The signs are coming down because it’s always embarrassing when a courteous person will go out of their way to shut down their violating phone. Oxygen explosion? Equipment danger? Whatever. I’m not getting interrupted by the people who read signs. I’m getting interrupted by you, the rude person who probably also doesn’t stop talking on the phone in checkout lines.

So I won’t punish everyone with my threatening signs that just end up making me look intolerant. Next time, it’ll be all on you. If you’re on your phone, instead of wasting our time together, you will be asked to reschedule your appointment because you are just too occupied for the dental care that we are prepared to offer you.

It’s cold out there, isn’t it? Well, here. Seek refuge from the frigid entrails of winter and sit your bottom down. Try to relax. There. Doesn’t that feel better? Of course, it does. I made a big pot of my split-pea soup. It is good, isn’t it? I’m glad you like it. Now… WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE MONEY?!

Did it just float away somewhere into the abyss of dental folly? Was it poorly managed by a pack of flying wombats? Or, worse yet, was it engulfed by a colossal kettle of tiny nuns as they were shouting, “Sweet nectar of the gods! Give us more!”

Patients trusted you. Now they have to find another dentist, pay more money for uncompleted treatment, and take unpaid days off from their jobs to finish major dental work. Some of these patients may have to take out additional loans just to see a new dentist.

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DentalBuzz explores rising trends in dentistry with its own slant. The speed at which new products and ideas enter the dental field can often outpace our ability to understand just exactly the direction in which we are heading. But somehow, by being a little less serious about dentistry and dental care, we might get closer to making sense of it all.

So yeah, a tongue-in-cheek pun would fit really nicely here, but that would be in bad taste. Never mind, it just happened anyways. Stop reading sidebars already and click on some content instead.

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