Funny definitions – the real meanings of words

Optimism
The cheerful spirit that makes it possible for a kettle to whistle with boiling water up its nose

Optimist
(1) A hope addict
(2) A man who goes downstairs with a fish pole when he finds his basement flooded.
(3) One who spends his last dollar to buy a money belt.
(4) A person who goes into a restaurant with no money and figures on paying for his meal with the pearl he hopes to find in the oyster he plans to order.

Optometrist:
A person of vision. – Joseph Leff

Optometrist’s Office:
A site for sore eyes. – Joseph Leff

Optometrist’s Top Floor Office:
A vision aerie. – Joseph Leff

Opus:
An exclamation at the sight of infected tissue fluids. – Joseph Leff

Orange
A fruit with a lot of appeal.

Orate:
Six or seven… – Joseph Leff

Oratory:
Is he a Whig…? – Joseph Leff

Orchestra Banned From the Telly:
Too much sax and violins. – Joseph Leff