The
“main stage” or “theatre”27
for all emotions is the body because emotions and bodily responses
are so closely linked. It is in the body that the first indicators of
an emotion are felt and can be recognized. When strong negative
emotions are recognized early, they can be dealt with more
effectively, and the reasons why they arose can be addressed more
quickly. The ability to recognize emotions—especially strong
negative emotions—in the body is made easier by understanding
their corresponding physical signs. Figure 9.4 presents the physical
signs associated with anger, rage, fury, depression, despair,
despondency, anxiety, fear, and panic.

So,
how do you become aware of your emotions as they arise? By tuning in
to what your body is telling you. You may be thinking that with so
much going on during a negotiation and with so much other information
to track, tuning in to your body as well may not only be difficult
but impossible. However, the more often you tune in to your body and
listen to what it is telling you, the easier and faster recognizing
emotions will become. Do it right now. Is there tension in your upper
back and neck as you bend over to read this book? How about
your head? Do your legs feel fine or are the muscles in your calves
clenched? How about your
knees? Is there general muscle tension? How does your gut feel? Are
you feeling anxious trying to get this chapter read in time for
class? Excited by the new concepts? Bored? (I hope not!) So how long
did that check take? About 30 seconds? By learning how your body
reveals your inner emotional state, you will not only be more aware
of what you are feeling but also be able to discover the onset of
emotional states more quickly.

Another
technique for becoming aware of your emotions is taking an emotional
“temperature” check. Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro28
suggest that you can do this by asking three questions during a
negotiation.

Are your emotions

Out
of control? Past
the boiling point. You are already saying things that are better left
unsaid.

Risky?
Simmering. They are too hot to be safe for long.

Manageable?
Undercontrol.
You are both aware of them and able to keep them in check.

If
you are finding it hard to avoid berating the other negotiator or to
concentrate on anything other than your emotions, then you are at
least at the risky point.29

Perception and
appraisal of one’s own emotions are central to emotional
intelligence. However, equally important in becoming emotionally
intelligent is recognizing and dealing appropriately with the
emotions of others.

Perception of
Emotions in Others

There
is a significant advantage to being able to accurately read emotional
cues displayed by others during a negotiation. Such cues could well
provide information about their reservation point, underlying
interests, and constraints that might not otherwise be revealed in
conversation. For example, a person might be agitated or display a
strong negative emotion such as anger as she approaches her
reservation point. A person might show signs of embarrassment when
questions are asked about information that he does not want to
reveal. People
also provide important information on how they cope with such
feelings. For example,
a person may have an angry facial expression but a tight and
controlled body posture. This disconnect may indicate unawareness,
denial, or repression. Conversely, a person may have an angry facial
expression together with a menacing posture and loud speech. In this
case, the person may still be unaware of his feelings but is willing
to express them.

It
will come as no surprise that most information about emotion is
transmitted non-verbally. What is surprising is that research on the
general communication of information has found that only 7 percent of
communication is verbal while the remainder—a huge
93 percent—is non-verbal.30
These findings indicate that we get far more information from
non-verbal language than we do from spoken words. However, since
there is such a myriad of non-verbal information, it is often
difficult to figure out what is important and what is just
extraneous. Also, some of the popular literature on reading body
language erroneously puts forward single and absolute interpretations
of gestures—such as crossed arms always signal
hostility—without taking into consideration the context of the
gesture or the person’s typical gestures.

Robert
Bolton has developed several guidelines for interpreting non-verbal
language that are simple, practical, and effective.31
He suggests that we focus attention on the most helpful cues; read
non-verbal language in context; note incongruities; and be aware of
our own feelings and body language.

In
terms of where to focus
attention,
most behavioral scientists agree that the face is the most
important source of information about emotions. As noted by Paul
Ekman and Wallace
Friesen:

The
rapid facial signals are the primary system for expression of
emotion. It is the face you search to know whether someone is angry,
disgusted, afraid, sad etc. Words cannot always describe the feelings
people have; often words are not adequate to express what you see in
the look on someone’s face at an emotional moment.32

We
are remarkably accurate in our ability to perceive emotion in others
by looking at their
eyes
and surrounding facial tissue, and it appears that we may be
hard-wired for such perception.33
Without
any training, we are able to differentiate among many subtle emotions
using only
this facial area. Perhaps this is why advice about keeping a poker
face and displaying no emotion
during negotiations is so popular. One caution: when observing facial
expressions of the other side, it is advisable to do so in a way that
appears natural and non-threatening. You certainly don’t want
them to become anxious due to your surveillance of them.

An unexpected
increase in non-verbal liveliness can also tell us what is important
to a person. We have all been involved in conversations where we or
the other person suddenly becomes animated, as if there has been an
extra energy boost. Determining which topic was under discussion
during a time of increased animation will reveal what matters to a
person. This technique may be of particular assistance when
determining underlying interests during a negotiation or in
understanding a person more fully.

No
single gesture ever stands alone; it usually forms part of a pattern.
In addition, a gesture does not have the same meaning from one
individual to another. Thus, gestures must be interpreted and
understood in
the context of the situation.34
This context includes other body movements that are made at the time,
the person’s words at the time, and the typical gestures of
that person. If a person seldom crosses her arms, when she does it
could well mean that she is distancing herself from the topic under
discussion or indicating hostility. However, if she tends to cross
her arms all the time, especially when she is relaxed, then you will
know when she is relaxed. Sudden changes, especially changes in the
position of the torso, can convey important information. Sudden
leaning forward or moving backward may indicate the level of interest
in the discussion; however, it is important to take the individual’s
typical movements into account before drawing such conclusions.

Another
guideline for interpreting non-verbal behavior is to note
any incongruities
between
the words spoken and the body language displayed. For example,
shouting the words
“I
am not angry” while appearing red in the face and banging the
table shows a big discrepancy.
When there is such disconnect between the words spoken and the body
language displayed, both messages are important. A person who bangs
the table while denying anger is clearly conflicted about feeling
angry and most likely unable to admit to such feelings.

Surprisingly,
we can become better aware of what other people are feeling through
our own feelings. There is new research indicating that the brain
contains neurons, called mirror
neurons,
that respond in the same way to others’ emotions as if we were
feeling the emotions ourselves.35
Scientists have postulated that these types of neurons underlie the
human capacity for empathy. It is possible that mirror neurons might
even be related to the unconscious activity of mirroring the actions
of others when we are in sync with them during a conversation. In
fact, therapists mirror the actions of patients intentionally to
better understand what they may be feeling.

Emotions
are contagious. Perhaps one reason some movie stars get paid
incredible amounts is
that they are able to make us feel good; when they smile, we smile.In
a negotiation, if another person is tense or anxious, we may also
start feeling that way in response. Our reaction to the emotions of
others may also explain how things can get emotional so quickly in a
negotiation—we may “catch” a strong negative
emotion by seeing it displayed by another person. The expression “he
made me so mad” has new meaning based on these recent findings
from the neurosciences. The idea that an emotion we feel may not even
originate with us makes it even more important to be able to deal
with strong negative emotions as they arise in a negotiation.

This
article appears in The
Theory and Practice of Representative Negotiation
(Toronto, Canada: Emond Montgomery Publications Limited, 2008) and is
reprinted here with the permission of the author and the publisher.

EMOTION IN
NEGOTIATION, Part II, will appear in the December 2007 edition.

DELEE
FROMMis
both a lawyer and a psychologist. She is a former partner of McCarthy
Tetrault LLP, the largest law firm in Canada, where she practiced
commercial real estate for 17 years. While practicing law she also
lectured and conducted workshops on negotiation and mediation for her
firm as well as for various universities and law societies. Prior to
her career in law she was a senior member of the Department of
Neuropsychology at Alberta Hospital, Edmonton as well as a private
clinical consultant.

Now
as a partner of Fromm & Goodhand and a consultant in the areas of
negotiation, gender dynamics and leadership, she lectures, gives
speeches and conducts workshops for a variety of organizations
including major corporations, charitable organizations, universities
and law firms. She teaches at Osgoode Hall Law School, at the
undergraduate and graduate levels and provides
exclusive one-on-one negotiation training and coaching in both Canada
and the U.S.
You may contact Ms. Fromm by e-mail at fromm.goodhand@sympatico.ca