Why are you…?

There are many very very bad reasons for being in a relationshop with someone. Reasons not at all based on love and connection.

Reasons like:

I don’t know who I am without him

It’s okay most of the time

What if I never find someone better

I’m terrified of being alone

Who else would want to be with me?

This isn’t great but a breakup would mean I’d have to move and…ugh I can’t even

You know what you have but not what you get and dating again seems like so much work…

However, no one ever gets asked the question “why are you in a relationship?”.

People just assume that if you have a partner you’re all set and everything is good.

Single people on the other hand can get all kinds of questions about why they’re single, as if that by definition is a problem to be fixed.

Obviously things aren’t this black and white.

There are good and bad reasons to be in a relationship, and there are good and bad reasons to be single. Not all single people are unhappy and far from all relationships are good.

But if you’re struggling with finding someone, it’s very easy to assume that a partner would solve all of your problems, or that everyone who’s in a relationship is happy. This is not the case at all.

I would actually like to go so far as to say that the very fact that you are struggling will transform into a strength, if you let it. The things you need to learn, and the work you need to do with yourself in order to find someone will also be huge benefits for you when you are in a relationship. You will have had to think about and learn very useful things that most people don’t know, do or bring into their relationships.

I for one, would never ever ever have done all the research I have on dating, flirting and attraction had it not been absolutely neccessary. The only reason I know so much about it that I can work and help others with it is that once upon a time I know absolutely nothing. If I had had an “okay” love life or an “okay” relationship, none of this would have happened.

My biggest struggle became my biggest strenght, and today “okay” is not even interesting to me. I only accept amazing soul-shaking love. That is what you deserve too.

And I think the lower you’ve been, the higher you’re able to bounce up.