Alternate Endings

The only way this post is at all related to translation is that the movies discussed are global phenomena. My boss was spouting off alternate endings to popular fantasy/sci-fi movies to me earlier today and I think they’re worth repeating. Here we go:

Star Wars Episode 4 – A New Hope – Obi-Wan Kenobi is fighting Darth Vader with Luke looking on. Obi lifts the light saber above his head to go for a vertical downward blow. Darth lifts his light saber to block on the horizontal. Obi-Wan deftly switches his light saber off and on as he swings down avoiding the block and killing Darth. The End.

Lord of the Rings – Fellowship of the Ring – Gandalf returns from his research about the ring and does the creepy “is it secret? is it safe?” thing. He then calls his eagle friends that he uses later in the movies and gives them the ring with instructions to drop it in Mount Doom. The Nazgul realize what’s going on but are too late because they are in the shire. Sauron doesn’t have any other flying creatures to help so he stares with the fire-looking eye helplessly as the birds drop the ring in Mount Doom. The End.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – Hermione uses her time-turning device with Harry to go back to 25 years before and find adolescent Tom Riddle eating lunch. Harry points his wand at Tom and yells avada kedavra. Tom Riddle dies and Voldemort never exists. Harry is never famous but gets his parents back. The next 4 books/movies are combined into one called “Hogwarts – Teenage Angst and Quidditch.” The End.