Normally, whenever I see a hottie like Doutzen Kroes at the beach, I like to make some crack about wanting to take them out motorboating. But I figure it’s probably time to switch it up a bit. Mostly because, for some reason, I still haven’t had anybody take me up on my offer. And seeing these pictures of Doutzen in Miami is giving me a great idea. I forget what this dumb beach paddle ball game is called, but I can think of a whole bunch of other fun ways the two of us could use those paddles. Call me!

Ever since Doutzen Kroes went and had that kid of hers, I’ve been waiting to see if the Victoria’s Secret Angel-turned-MILF would be able to come back strong and regain her title as my second-favorite supermodel booty in the business. And here she is showing off her post-kid booty during a recent beach shoot. Obviously, I’ll have to look into this matter a little closer (say, 2-3 inches closer to my screen), but right now at least, it doesn’t look like Doutzen dropped too far in my official supermodel booty Power Rankings. Phew. I’m sure she’ll be just as relieved about that as I am.

Doutzen Kroes has always been one of my favorite Victoria’s Secret Angels, but in case you’ve been wondering where she’s been lately, apparently she just had another kid a couple months ago. But now that’s done, and it’s time to officially welcome Doutzen back from her Tuna maternity leave with these pictures of her giving us a peek at her sexy stomach at WSJ Magazine’s Innovator Of The Year Awards. We still have to wait to see if she’s able to reclaim her title as the second-best supermodel booty in the business, but with how hot she’s looking here, I wouldn’t bet against it.

As a guy who loves supermodels and chicks in leggings, this post combines two of my favorite things in one. And trust me, there’s pretty much nothing better than a supermodel in leggings. Unless they’re in my bed I guess, but considering that hasn’t happened yet for some reason, I can’t be sure. Anyway, here’s Doutzen Kroes attending a launch for Victoria’s Secret Sport in Miami Beach and actually wearing the merchandise for once. This doesn’t happen often, so I’ll shut up now and let you guys enjoy it.

Now this is why I love models. Because even when they’re not doing photoshoots, they’re still just as happy to show off their lingerie. And I especially love Doutzen Kroes for wearing this see-through shirt to the New York City Ballet Fall Gala. But I’m sure I’m not the only one. I bet for the first time in the history of ever, not a single guy complained about being dragged to the ballet that night. So on behalf of them and my readers, thank you Doutzen.

Proving that even dressed like dumb hipsters, supermodels still look hotter than 99% of the population, here’s Behati Prinsloo giving some sweet tongue action to fellow Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes. You know, I’m pretty sure I once had a dream that started like this. Only it didn’t end with the two of them getting coffee and going their separate ways, it ended with them becoming the bread in a Tuna sandwich. Now that was a good night.

I don’t know what’s going on today, but it’s like somebody switched my coffee for decaf. I knew I shouldn’t have told that Starbucks barista my name was Seymour Butts. Luckily though, these shots of Doutzen Kroes for Victoria’s Secret are just the thing to perk me back up. One look at Doutzen in lingerie and suddenly I’m feeling very alert. Well, part of me is anyway. So I think it might be time to go back to sleep and have a few amazing dreams starring me, Doutzen and that cute barista.

Here’s Doutzen Kroes doing a shoot for Mario Testino, and normally, I hate it when hotties do photoshoots with dudes like this. It always makes me jealous, but in this case, I’m actually OK with it. Because this guy is doing exactly what I would do if I were in his place: giving Doutzen a wedgie and making sure we get to see more of her world-class booty. So yeah, he’s still a lucky bastard and I hate him for it, but at least he’s looking out for the rest of us too.

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but Doutzen Kroes has the second-best supermodel booty in the world — after Candice Swanepoel, of course. So I was glad to see that H&M made sure to feature Doutzen’s best asset in their swimwear photoshoot. I just wish they’d given us more than one picture of it. It’s like going to the Louvre and only being allowed to see the Mona Lisa for two seconds. Luckily though, we can all stare at this shot for as long as we want. I don’t know about you, but I plan on clearing my schedule for the rest of the day. This just became my top priority.

I believeDoutzen Kroes is the most underrated Victoria’s Secret angel! Here she is at the 66th Cannes Film Festival looking like a gorgeous fairy princess of sorts in that outfit. All she is missing is the wand and then one of my fantasies would be fulfilled. Speaking of wands, I got a hard one happening below my waist. Hmm… I think Doutzen is magical after all.

As you guys probably know, I’m a big fan of Doutzen Kroes. Well, to be fair, I’m a big fan of most lingerie models, but that’s besides the point. What I’m trying to say is, I’m really digging this new shoot Doutzen did for Victoria’s Secret. There’s only one problem: there aren’t any shots of her booty, and that’s always been my favorite part. Somebody’s going to get a very strongly-worded email about this. Luckily though Doutzen’s a MILF, so she’s probably used to dealing with tantrums by now. I’m sure she’ll be able to calm me down.