My acts of bravery and weakness

Last week, you sent prayers and positive thoughts for me to recover from the not-so-comfortable space I was in. Today I want to thank all of you for your prayers that I am doing fine.

Certain deficiencies did come out in the test reports and I have been put on supplements for a year.

We are one big virtual family and I have been longing to share with you about my acts of bravery and weakness that occurred on the day of the check-up.

As I waited for my echo test to start, I was unsure if I would be able to pull of walking and running on the treadmill fearing I would get breathless terribly. Once I was at it, I kept on moving, as per the nurse’s instructions, for a good 7 minutes when the treadmill was stopped and I was asked to lie down. I felt good that I pulled it off well with my pulse rate and blood pressure within the normal range.

Next it was the turn for the Pap smear test. This was going to be the first time for me. I have a deep fear with respect to this. During the time I lived in UK, I used to get appointment letters from my surgery regularly for getting this test done but I never went for it. However, this time I could not avoid it. I resolved I will be brave but the moment the Gynecologist inserted the speculum I raised a huge hue and cry and screamed out aloud – “I don’t want the test”. I was crying profusely. I was not the same person who had courageously gone through the infertility treatments and IUI procedure 5 years back.

Hey I just had my pap smear. When I was in the US I used to get this test done every year. This time I was worried as I had it fine after a break of two years. Luckily everything went good. Still waiting for the results.
I’m glad that you went ahead and did all the tests. I understand that it gets a bit tedious when you do so many tests together. I never liked to get the medical tests done for visa purposes because even if it is just blood tests, ECG, xray etc it gets tiring. Don’t worry Anamika, if you feel like it is a too much then take a break and go back later. And you are doing this for yourself. It only means you are being nice to yourself. It’s a good thing. 🙂 By the way did you complete your pap smear?

Please don’t dismiss your bravery because you cried during the test. Sometimes I think the bravest thing we can do is to allow our vulnerability to show through.

Also, I’m not sure what supplements you’re taking, but I was diagnosed last year with severe Vitamin D and Iron deficiencies. Once I’d been on the supplements for a few months, I found I was less prone to crying (and I’m the person who will cry at two minute commercials). I hope you start to feel positive results from your supplements very soon. *hugs*

I am also the person who gets emotional at the drop of the hat but the tears just stay there in the eyes welled up or may be I do not allow them to spill out. I have also been diagnosed with severe deficiency of Vitamin D3 along with B12. I hope the supplements add to increasing the overall positvity. Thank you Traci 🙂

I’m sure, on that table, that all those memories and bad feelings around infertility and IVF came back. Being prepared to deal with that IS brave. I’m not surprised you were a bit freaked out by a Pap Smear. I am sure if men had to go through it, they’d develop a blood test! Good luck for the next time you give it a go.