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Having a site called The Magic Circle Jerk meant I often had people coming to my site thinking it was something it wasn't. The following post was my attempt to satisfy anyone who came to my site regardless of what they were looking for.

Friday, April 30, 2004

Everything to Everyone

There was a time when this site first started where a full 25% of the people visiting this site thought it was devoted to standing around in a circle stroking your cock. I always felt bad about disappointing those people but there was not much more I could do than wish them well in their search for group-masturbation sites. I felt pretty certain that there was no lack of these on the internet.

Let's take a look at some of the search words that brought people to my site in the month of April alone... (for those who don't know, many programs that count the number of visitors a site gets, also keep track of what search words were used to find your site)

So that's 26 people who came to this site this month looking for sexual content. That figure is what statisticians would call "statistically insignificant" because so many more people visit this site for magic content, by an order of magnitude. But I don't care! I tell you, I just don't care if these people are statistically insignificant. They're still people aren't they! Yes, of course they are. And shouldn't we do the best we can for our fellow man? I believe we should.

And yet I can't forget my core audience. So, in order to appeal to everybody, what follows is a sexually suggestive review for the Magic Bible Coloring Book. Enjoy!

(This presupposes that guys who are looking for "circle jerk pictures" are gay. If you're a guy who came here looking for circle jerk content, and you don't think you're gay, let me break it to you: you are. You are 100% Grade-A flaming queer. That's okay. Learn to accept it. And if you're like, "No, you don't understand, me and the guys in my frat have circle-jerks to initiate the new guys." I'll say no, you don't understand, you're gay and so is your entire frat. It's okay. These variations of the human species are a wonderful thing, and frats have always been a gay haven. This is nothing new. Enjoy the review.)_________________________________________________________

Review -- Magic Bible Coloring Book

Those of you who read my reviews regularly know that I like my reviews to be hard-hitting and explosive. As you can imagine I was soooooo excited to review the Magic Bible Coloring Book. There is really only one word to describe this effect: penetrating. I remember the first time I saw this effect, my mouth dropped open and I was on my knees begging for it. Imagine this: You've got a show for some fit young boy scouts or maybe at a Greek bath-house. You whip out this Bible Coloring Book and show all the pages to be creamy white on both sides. With just a shake of your hips, the book now shows drawings of the Christian story, from the time J.C. was born until he was fully-erected on the cross. Then you just say the ancient Egyptian magic words "Bendiz Hiney Overma Desktop" and now the pictures are in full color! That's right every picture of Jesus' rippling abs are now in full color for all to admire. What can I say, I love this effect! It's so shocking that virtually every orifice will start pulsing, almost "winking" in excitement. You can even perform this effect surrounded! That's right, people can come in a circle around you. And this effect will keep them coming, over and over. It's such a fun effect to play with, I wouldn't be surprised if you just play with it yourself. You should see the incredible reactions this effect gets! I did it for this guy who was transferring a load of warm hand lotion in the spa where I work, he was so surprised that he shot his load all over my face. He apologized as the hot goo dripped off my chin, but I was just glad I could make him happy. Surprisingly it's been a big hit with my guy friends. They always say "Pull it out! Pull it out!" and then I'll reluctantly take it out while they gather around and watch me perform. It's a real humdinger. It leaves all my friends hot and throbbing trying to figure it out. It's great. Four brown stars!!!!