For one of my school assignments, I chose to do a trial run of a couple pages of DFS to get a feel for where I’m at, comic-making wise. And I’m not exactly doing backflips over it, but I do know where to go from here. I promised myself I wouldn’t point all these awful flaws (apropos of absolutely nothing, perspective is really hard when you’ve been bullshitting it your whole career). So hey, let’s play critique bingo! Maybe you see something I don’t.

This is the actual script so far. These would be… pages 8-11 of the first chapter, approx. It’s the first time we meet Glenn, and a pretty calm scene considering the two incredibly violent ones it’s stuck between. AND WOWEE BEE, LOOK AT THAT EXPOSITION.

I'm very not astute when it comes to comic-making, so I'll tell you what my non-honed eye can see. When I read a comic, flow is very important to me... My eyes need to be led from frame to frame and, for me to be happy, everyone's speech bubbles need to clearly communicate the order of the conversation. And I must say, what you shared is very successful in that regard. Very easy to follow and CLEAR. Your frames have interesting composition and I enjoy the use of colors - specifically the boldness of Al's red, and Al's truck's red. It's like RED begins to say AL to me as I read. Glenn's coloring seems to match his personality and his mood, too. And, well, you've always been awesome at facial expressions so...

Personally, if you're bullshitting anything, you're doing a damn good job. I actually tried to look for something helpful to crit, and can find nothing. CARRY ON.

Ah, legibility. You can do everything else wrong with comics, but if people can't understand you, you are being awful. THANK YOU. I'm also so glad the colors thing is coming through-- I'm finding that very important to all my character designs. And Al is, in all feasible ways, a red mothertrucker.

The "but they're family" panel was just the funniest thing about this to me, for some reason. Maybe I just like Al being performative and weird with no visible audience. It took a while to get his expression juuust right.

DRAW INORGANIC OBJECTS! It's best when you can trick yourself into believing they're, y'know. Organic.

MAN your design and character construction skills are as good as ever, and the way you've set up each panel makes the character interaction more personal, it's really neat.I'm sort of confused by the atmosphere in your lineart, though, especially with the characters! The way you have the scene set up and with the colors/shadows, I'm sort of expecting it to be intensely sunny! But the atomosphere doesn't really translate to the characters or their color palette, or the lineart! (in paticular, the panel where they're crossing along the side of the truck and you can see their super dark shadows...I feel like you need way darker tones on the characters to match! seems out of place. I'd almost even call for high-contrast lineart for the shadows myself, like you had in the first panel, but I may be reading that lighting wrong)

THAT SAID I'm not sure what your restrictions are as far as if you need to print this out or not, or what the intentions were otherwise, so if this is out of line I completely understand!

Mmmhmhmm, I struggled a lot trying to get an intense sun in there. I considered rim light, but that just seemed to wash stuff out. Thanks for the suggestion, it's definitely, definitely one I'll try out in preparation for the next time I try this scene!