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Tag: Church of Close Enoughism

Greetings to our congregation, gathered here to read this e-sermon. Today I wish to reiterate the church’s core ideologies, and address a dangerous misinterpretation of our cause.

Historically, the Brotherhood of Uncompromising Modern Saints has held an opposite philosophy to the Church of Close Enoughism, but the two have happily stayed out of each other’s way. However, perhaps in fear regarding our recent rise in followers, the B.U.M.S has been trying to misrepresent our image. They have tried to attract followers by condemning our ideals, claiming that we promote failure and negativity. Those already affiliated with us know this is not the case, but for readers who are less familiar with our philosophies, allow us to explain.

The B.U.M.S promotes an extreme form of perfectionism and strict ideals of success. These can combine into a toxic cycle of being forced to prove oneself. Our message is not that you should not strive toward success and goals, but that we are not defined by such terms. Additionally we affirm that these concepts are highly subjective. There is no universal correct set of aspirations. The B.U.M.S ideology revolves so heavily around the concept of success, that failure is seen as the worst thing that can happen to a person. We teach that this is not the case, and that there is not a boundary between failure and success but rather a wide spectrum. Being “Close Enough” to success does not mean you failed and pretended you didn’t, it means you acknowledged the bigger picture and focused on what you had achieved rather than what you had not.

We can put differences of ideology aside, however harmful we feel the B.U.M.S message is, but we cannot tolerate when they defame the name of Him, the Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy. They think celebrating Him is wrong. The messiah figure in their texts was a humble man, yet also the emperor of a morally just nation, the epitome of beauty, and wiser than one thousand great philosophers. He planted a tree every day for a year, saved four billion children from slavery, introduced recycling to his local community, and was the captain of the football team. This unrealistic image of perfection is what the B.U.M.S believes we should all strive for. They teach that until we reach this level, we are inherently full of sin, and are yet to earn respect. The Close Enoughist message is strictly the opposite of this. Respect is fundamentally deserved, not something you must earn. He, the Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy, represents this concept precisely. He is unspectacular, but He is. He exists, and that makes him adequate – and so in turn, He exists within us all not through divine powers of creation, but through simple shared experience. Like Him, we are all adequate and we are all Close Enough to what we ought to be.

Close Enoughism is a celebration of what we are, and what we almost are – not a rejection of becoming more. To become more in a healthy manner, you must first know that you are Close Enough. We want you to say “I am Close Enough to being there, therefore I can get there!” rather than “I am a failure for not being there yet.”

Until the next e-sermon, stay true to yourself, and be Close Enough to who you want to be.

It has been several months since we presented to you The First Act. As is inevitable for the elders of the church, the second has gone untold despite our commitments. Here, we present the second of the Seven Great Acts of Mediocrity: The Taming of the Beast.

Despite the vague awareness a slowly growing number of citizens now had of Him, He, The Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy, remained humble. The first act was a tale told far and wide across the region within a three mile radius of the Holy Tree. And so when He, The Mehssiah, in All his Adequacy, first set foot in a new town, within a fortnight almost three people had uttered the words, “Hey, aren’t you that guy who helped those weirdos with their fruit superstition?” to which He replied, “Well, I wouldn’t call them weirdos, but yeah, sure, close enough.”

The almost three people spread word of His presence around the town until a meeting was called and a consensus was reached. The mayor spoke for the whole town, and told Him, The Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy, “Alright, if those fruity nutjobs over in that town are worthy of help, us normal people damn well are too!”

And so the Mehssiah sat and listened to the troubles of the town, and once every man, woman, and child had spoken, He said, “Okay, so I’m not really experienced in most of these things but I guess I can try to talk some sense into your chicken, Mrs. Baker.”

The Mehssiah was led to a backyard with a small chicken coop. One bird in particular looked very cruel. The bird stared at Him. It was Edgar, the Chicken, in All His Animosity, and He, the Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy, stared back. For several minutes this lasted, until eventually Edgar realised intimidation would not work on this man. Edgar strode forth, and was accepted into the Mehssiah’s embrace. And then, the Mehssiah left, but Edgar followed. The wicked streak of violence in Edgar had miraculously been replaced with an infallible loyalty to the Mehssiah that left Mrs. Baker with one less chicken, but with a little more peace in both her heart and her backyard.

And so whenever the townsfolk spoke of Him, The Mehssiah, in All His Adequacy, they spoke that He actually really only addressed one of their many issues. But that one issue was quite a significant chicken problem, and though it was not the desired outcome, the townsfolk always remembered that it was Close Enough.

Thank you for reading the second of the great acts. The third shall come eventually. At this point, we will not even bother giving a rough estimate of when. Keep on the lookout for updates and new scripture, and until then, may your life be Close Enough to how you wish it to be.

It has come to our attention that not many of our followers know the Adequate Holy Scripts of the Mehssiah. We wish to make a confession that this lack of awareness is largely due to the elders’ lack of communication regarding these scripts. We then wish to subsequently confess that this lack of communication is largely due to the lack of the scripts being finished yet. To prove that we are working on this, we present here the first of The Seven Great Acts of Mediocrity.

Each and every day since the town’s first brick was laid, the Holy Tree offered the people fruit. And each and every day one of the townsfolk in turn would row across the lake to the island upon which stood the Holy Tree to receive its gift. Years passed with the tradition unbroken, until the bleakest winter the town had seen wrought cold so fierce the water turned to ice. The rowboat was trapped in an unrelenting frozen grasp. Panic struck the townsfolk that they might not reach the tree this day, and God would smite them down for their ungrateful ways – but one man stepped forth. It was Him, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, and he said, “I guess I can maybe try to bring to you the fruit of the Holy Tree?”

And so He, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, strode to the shore. Boots met ice, and it bore his weight. Mercy was upon Him as he stepped further from the shore. Each step more adequate than the last, He made his way to the island. The fruit of the tree on this day was bigger and brighter than any fruit it had borne before. The mehssiah reached out and took it. He turned back, and placed boot upon ice once more. A subtle crack began to form, and He made haste toward the shore. The ice which had held his weight seemed unworthy to also hold the Holy Fruit. The crack grew, and with approximate accuracy He bowled the fruit along the surface. It reached the people on the shore with only moderate bruising, and at that same moment the ice beneath the mehssiah gave way. Honoured by his moderately successful venture, the townsfolk rushed to save Him, in all in his adequacy, and he was pulled shivering to the sand. From this moment, the mehssiah knew He was destined to complete many more charitable acts to a mediocre standard, and He would always be Close Enough.

We would like to clarify that we neither confirm nor deny the existence of holy trees or demanding gods. The acts of Him, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, are the only truths we stand by. Without concern for the truth about the tree’s gift, he stepped forth for the people who believed in it. He showed his acceptance that their way of life was Close Enough to the right way. He walked upon the ice for sake of traditions that were not his own – out of respect for their ways. We too can ensure that we are always Close Enough to being a good ally to those who need one, whether we believe in their ways or not.

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Thank you for reading this official publication by The Church of Close Enoughism. The next of The Seven Great Acts of Mediocrity may come soon. We cannot promise anything. Our historians take their time getting the facts together. May your life be Close Enough to how you wish it to be.

Happy New Year, and welcome to the December bulletin for The Church of Close Enoughism. It has been an interesting year. Things could have been better for the church, but progress was close enough to meeting expectations.