Friday, 19 December 2008

How do you live a balanced life? I'm not entirely sure to be honest. I feel like I can't fit everything into life that I need to. Owning a home, which is mid-DIY, keeping everything tidy, keeping the house clean, washing my clothes, washing my husbands clothes, ironing said clothes, cooking healthy (pah!) meals every evening, recreation time, relationship time, church meeting time, shopping, organising Christmas, entertaining, educating oneself with educating books, reading books that are just plain fun, making 130 wedding invites (cus I said I would...grrrr) AND working full time.

Is it me or does that sound like a lot? How am I supposed to do ALL of those things successfully? I sit at work and feel like working is wasting my time. I could be at home doing all this other stuff. The ironing pile is ridiculously high. I mean RIDICULOUSLY. I guess its the thing I ignore the most. The DIY still isn't finished so I have an un-finished kitchen still. There's just stuff everywhere. How we're supposed to run a fully fledged I.T business out of a small bedroom is beyond me.

I think I can safely say I am overwhelmed. Adding to the fact that my health is an obstacle... gosh. Help?

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

My twin (in-spirit) and I have made a new blog called "Twins That Sing". We've discovered we both have a passion for singing, and have therefore made a blog showcasing the songs we have recorded so far. Rhona has only been doing it for the past week and is still waiting on a new mic. I'm still getting to grasps with my voice and my recording software!

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

"I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent...

...This strategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realising that while there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."

From "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson

I really relate to this. I've always striven for perfection and never met it. So I really need to remember this. Life will be just great, even if things aren't perfect.

"A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control. Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your thinking? And to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feel. One thought leads to another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly agitated......it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and annoyances.

The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop......You may indeed be a busy person, but remember that filling your head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your schedule. You'll be amazed at home effective it can be."

From "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

So today, whilst off work, I decided to try and find some kind of decent outfit for the Christmas party. Ironic eh? Off work sick, thinking I'd quite like to NOT ever go back to work, yet I'm picking out an outfit for the work Christmas do. Hmmm. I digress...

Whilst surfing some of my favourite clothing websites, I saw a pair of skinny jeans in black in the TALL section. For £10. Pretty much a miracle my friends. When you have legs like a giraffe, its kinda impossible to find jeans or trousers for less than £40. Plus I already have skinny jeans in dark blue, so I think black ones is a good addition to my wardrobe (which needs serious work by the way).

Then on the same site, I came across a black belted top that I just love. And which I hope would look good on me because I have a small waist and a tum that could do with disguising every now and then.

Then I think to myself, what would look good with black skinny jeans? Why, black calf boots of course! Flat ones preferably because of my lack of co-ordination in walking in anything but trainers at the moment.

So I have black boots, black top, and black skinny jeans. Noticing a theme here? I can't help it!! People keep telling me to wear more colourful stuff...

Can someone please tell me that it's a massive faux par to wear all black? Or else, figure out some way I can colourfully accessorise this? I like black stuff too much!! I don't claim to have a clue how to dress myself really.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

About a month ago, I was (almost) diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It wasn't an official diagnosis, I have to go see some kind of specialist for that. I guess it has been a slow onset. Thinking back I can remember times whilst at university experiencing similar pains as I have now, just with less severity. Its been so good to get a diagnosis, especially as it explains a lot of the other 'ailments' I've been suffering with over the past 4 years. It makes me feel a little less crazy!

The only thing with fibromyalgia is that it is considered, by the medical profession, to be "uncurable". I'm really struggling with that label hanging over my head. Knowing that when the doctors look at me, they say to me "you'll just have to deal with this the best you can for the rest of your life.....". I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. Why? Because I believe in a loving and powerful God. The Bible says, he forgives all our sins and heals ALL our diseases. (Psalm 103:3) That includes fibromyalgia. God created me, and knows every intricate part of how my body works.

I can't imagine how it must feel to have this illness and not to have the hope of Christ, and the hope of healing. In fact, imagine going through any difficulty in life and not having that hope?! Wow. I guess I've never really thought about it that clearly before. Imagine going into the current economical climate thinking "I could lose my house, or my job!". Imagine not having the mindset of "God has a plan and a purpose for me".

I need to remind myself every day that God sees me. He sees my pain, and how I have to try and cope with this. But it does make me wonder...for what purpose? I'm looking forward to being able to look back on these years and think to myself, aha! That is why I went through all of it. Don't you just wish you could zoom out and see the bigger picture? Maybe then life would lose its sense of adventure.

For now, I continue to pray for healing. And I'm trying to learn to just have faith in my God. Even though it's difficult, it is better to have hope than to have none at all.

Friday, 7 November 2008

"A song of hope that's come my way And turns me 'round to face the sky The rhythm of this world, the gift of life The essence that can never die

By a river crystal brightThere's a tree where waters flowLeaves that fall for our healingScattered on the world belowWhere angels danceAnd the people sing"

This is the beginning of something new for me. Excuse me while I find my feet. My journal name was inspired by the song "Open Sky" by Iona. This song is so beautiful. Yet so vague! The lyrics just seem to hint at something, rather than give the whole story away. I love that. Maybe I'll start writing my own lyrics sometime. I can be as vague as I like, clearly!

In fact, this journal will more than likely be full of vague, airy-fairy-ness. But thats the way I like it. And its how my head somehow manages to clear itself of all the clutter. So welcome to the journal, pull up a chair beside the fire - it is autumn after all - and relax. There will be no ranting, no complaining, but perhaps some questioning and wondering...

About This Bloggerer

I am Jules. 25 years on this earth, married to a wonderful man, and trying to figure this life out. I've been documenting aspects of my life on the world wide web since 2000, but have recently transferred alliegance from Livejournal to Blogger. I can't help it, its just prettier! I decided to not let my blog become a vent for life-complaints. That's dull, and fairly selfish as my quality of life is far higher than that of millions of people in this world. Therefore I just use this blog as a creative outlet, sometimes talking about personal life events, sometimes just musing. I also post a "Song of the Moment" because music is one of my life passions. I also have a singing blog along with my twin (Twins That Sing), which we hope to continue way into the future.