Shizuka buried her face in her arms and wiped harshly at the tears on
her cheeks. She listened to the the yelling coming from the other room as she closed her
eyes and pretended that she was somewhere else somewhere that she felt loved.

<Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told god you didn't mean those nasty things you
said>

Shizuka remembered when her parents took her and her older brother
Katsuya to the beach for a picnic on her seventh birthday. They had spent the whole day
laughing and she had even beat Katsuya at something for once (a food fight, but hey). When
it started to get dark, they had sat and watched the sun disappear as the sky turned a
fiery red. Shizuka had never seen anything so beautiful. She had told her father that and
he whispered back in her ear that nothing could ever be as beautiful as his baby girl. She
had been so happy then. Of course, that was when her family was still a family.

<You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done
my family
<Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave>

It all started a couple of years after that. Shizuka had came home from
school and walked in on them arguing about the mortgage. Her mother accused her father of
wasting the money and not being a good father or husband. They yelled for a couple of
hours before Shizukas father said that he was going to go to the bar, and her mother
yelled for him to go ahead and do it. After her father left, her mother broke down into
tears and stayed up the rest of the night drinking vodka. It hurt Shizuka so much to see
her parents hurting each other like they were. She felt that it was her fault. That they
didnt love her enough to be happy. When her father came home around four that
morning, he had smelled like perfume and Shizukas mother started hitting him and
calling him bad names. Shizuka picked up a knife and ran to her room. Once she was inside,
she took the knife and stared at it for a very long time. Shizuka could still hear her
parents fighting and she jumped in fear when she heard a loud banging noise, like
something had been knocked over. Then she heard a door slam and her mother start crying
again.

<Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my
family>

Shizuka delicately held the blade between her hands as she sobbed
painfully. Please make it stop, she prayed outloud. She knew that no one would
hear her because she was unloved. She didnt deserve to live. She had destroyed her
family and not even god could love her now. Shizuka pulled her sleeve up and ran her
fingers gently over the delicate flesh on her inner wrist. She didnt want to hurt
herself, but she felt like she deserved to be punished for hurting her parents so much.
Shizuka took the knife and pushed down harshly against her skin. She bit back a cry of
pain when the blade sliced open her skin. Tears streamed down her face, but she only
pushed harder, needing the pain to kill the thing that was embedded deep in her soul. The
more that she cut and the harder that she pushed, the more the pain inside went away.
Until, finally she couldnt feel anything at all. Shizuka pulled the knife away and
stared at her arm in shock. She felt so ashamed for not being strong enough to bear the
pain on her on. She watched crimson drops roll slowly down her arm and she felt sick for
what she had just done. What kind of person could ever love her? The hideous marks on her
arm made her feel just as ugly on the outside as she already did on the inside.

<Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally>

Later that week, Shizukas father came back and announced that he
was moving out and that he wanted a divorce. Her mother begged him to reconsider but he
said that he couldnt take it anymore and he had to get out. After that,
Shizukas mother started drinking all of the time. Katsuya got tired of it and moved
out finally too. He had asked their mother if Shizuka could come with him but she said no.
Shizuka could still remember the last thing that he had said to her before he drove away;
I am sorry Shizuka. I dont wan to leave but I just cant stay here
anymore. He had been really sad to have to leave her but she knew that he was
hurting about everything just as much as she was. Once, Shizuka had asked her mother to
stop drinking but her mom had slapped her and called her a bitch. That was when Shizuka
had decided to cut again. After that, she found that she couldnt stop doing it.
Everytime that she was hurting, she would pick up a blade.

<In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave) >

Shizukas father had came back a few times after that to check up
on her, but he never stayed very long. Shizuka wanted to tell him about her mothers
drinking, but then she would have to tell him everything and she couldnt bear for
him to look at her with the same disgust that she felt every time that she looked at her
arms. Shizuka felt so alone and she didnt know what to do, so she just avoided her
mother as much as possible and continued to cut. Shizuka came to realize that everytime
that she did it, the cuts would get deeper, and she was afraid that if she didnt
stop soon, she would go to far one day. Shizuka knew that she had to tell somebody, so she
decided to go to her boyfriend Setos house one day after school. Shizuka told him
everything and even showed him her scars. She was surprised when he looked at her, not
with disgust, but with understanding and compassion. Seto took her in his arms and
comforted her. After that, Shizuka knew that there were people who would love her even if
her parents werent together anymore, and even if she wasnt perfect. The next
day, Shizuka went to the counselors office as soon as she arrived at school.

<In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night>