Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

Dilemma

My 22 year old son has a girlfriend of 2 months, but she lives in Chicago. They met online. Last week, he went to see her for the first time, but initially lied to us (his parents) about the true nature of his trip. He was also visiting a college there. He fessed up when he returned, and told us the story. Apparently, he has fallen in love with this girl, but she has 2 kids from 2 different guys. Now, she's pressuring my son to move there to be with her. We don't feel good about this at all!! Our son has only had maybe 3 girlfriends in his whole life, and until recently, has been very focused on school and career. He's asking our advice, and we are advising against him moving his whole life and goals around because of this girl, and we have a BAD feeling that she is just trying to find a "sugar daddy" to help her with the kids. My son told me she lives like a slob, and he indicated that bothered him a lot, too! He doesn't want to hurt her feelings by turning her down, and he's confused because of his feelings for her.

i would encourage him to not move and to give it more time. my mother refuses to listen to us about a bf or gf till it has been over 6 months. if your gut is feeling that strong about it....listen to it. it is yelling for a reason.

Oi, this does not sound good. Unfortunately, about all you can do as a parent is continue to express your feelings to him gently, because I've found the more you stress something, the more they will go in the other direction. Let him know your feelings, definitely, and if you're backing his move financially you have some leverage... If he's anything like I was, he might have to make his own mistakes, I just hope he is smarter than I was and realizes before it's too late. I had to marry my mistake first when I was 19 before I grew up enough to come around, but keep talking to him!

Yes, I tend to agree that him moving would be a HUGE mistake. He's only halfway through college, and doesn't need to complicate his life with a girlfriend AND her 2 kids! I sure wish he had found a girlfriend locally, WITHOUT kids! Even then, I probably would have advised against moving in with her.

Mahadra, yes, that's true for some. My daughter is definitely one that would do the opposite of anything I suggested, so I know what you mean. However, my son isn't that way. He truly is struggling with this, and WANTS our advice. We are trying to be careful in the way we talk with him about it, though. After all, when you fall in love with someone, all you want is to be with them, and sometimes it clouds your judgement!

one more tidbit...i moved to england from upstate ny to be with my husband. my mother was fully in support because he and i gave it time and made it work long distance and got to know each other sooo much better as all we could do was talk to each other. he came out and met my friends and family and gave me time to think about it and decide what i wanted to do with no pressure....if she cares that much, she should do the same for your son as well. do not forbid it...mahadra is right, he will run to her if you do that.

The mind can be a very clouded place when lust blinds a 22 year old boy. Point out to him that he will be an instant Dad by living with their Mom. Is he ready for that type of responsibility? He needs to make his decision as an adult. Do adults say yes because they do not want to hurt someones feelings? As a mother I would be concerned too. This girl is willing to have a Man move in with her &amp; her children after 2 months? I think I would be explaining to him all the responsibilities that come with living together. Also all that come with raising a family. Then ask him to tell you the benifits of this move? Perhaps this will give him some clear thought.

No, we aren't forbidding him to do anything. After all, he IS an adult, and already told us he wanted to move out pretty soon. However, his plans were to move back to TX, where his friends and the rest of our family are located. This girlfriend just popped up out of nowhere. Also, for the last 3 years, he's always told me he didn't have time for relationships - too much work to do with school and such. I have suggested that he continue to be friends with her, if he wants to, but to proceed with caution!!

Yes - this can't be good. I could be wrong, but looks like she is looking for a daddy. I would tell your soon to wait a year and if he still feels that way - then he could pursuit. As for hurting her - the sooner he tells her the less hurt she will be!

Everyone seems to be on the same page with me on this, so at least I know my thoughts on this are right on target. He is way too trusting of people, and may not have a true picture of the whole situation. The fact that she wouldn't even clean her place up when he came to visit...I don't know. The whole thing just doesn't set well with me at all!!

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