Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You Call Me Too Nice?

Come try to submit a comment on this post, if you think I'm too nice! Your shit will not even be posted. Come trying to step to me with that "too nice" shit - I will get all arbitrary on your ass. You will be waiting all week for that one to postup! Then you'll drift off, whining about your First Amendments being abused. Well who the hell deserves it, if not for you, PAL! Coming around here, trying to talk about some "Too Nice."

Too Nice.

I'll smack the word nice from your mouth while you say it! It will fly out from your mouth in a Comic Sans Serif font, cartoon letters flying in slow-mo, to shatter all sad on the cobblestones in a bad computer-animated segue: "NI**" -crash! Tinkle.

I'm not saying I'm not nice! Now, I'm not even saying I'm not DAMN nice. I'm not saying I shouldn't be entered in the damn Nice Olympics, because I'd bring my country back Bronze or BETTER in that shit if I were. In fact I would medal in ten events. I am THAT nice. I'd be the new Bruce Jenner of nice, and if you recall, the old Bruce Jenner of nice was...Bruce Jenner. Shit.

I'm just saying, where the hell do you get off with "TOO" nice? How can a dude even be that? Shit!

4 comments:

Well if you will hang out with serial killers and crack hos and people who speak in comic sans, you probably SEEM too nice compared to them. It's better than "Too boring". That would suggest you use Times New Roman and that would be UNACCEPTABLE.

I'm kind of fruity therefore, all about Century Gothic for regular everydayness. Well maybe Verdana a lot too but I'm told Verdana is the new Times New Roman in terms of monotony, still, I like it and I am the authority on everything therefore, Verdana IS acceptable. Maybe Tahoma also.

I like Courier New! I like typewriter fonts in general. I think this is the sign of a fantastic mind.

Verdana rules! Love Verdana. Yes, true, it's a bit plain, but it holds its center and doesn't blink like that has-been Times "New" Roman. Verdana has some grit to its biscuits. Nothing "New" about T"N"R, says I!

I agree about Courier New, but of course you knew. Keep in mind though: a fantastic mind needs no signs! It's path blazes its own way through a fantastic road, with no need of markers and only occasionally consulting the GPS.

Ok, also it gets lost. A lot. And justifies it by saying "well, that's how you find where you never expected to go!"

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FTC Mandated Full Disclosure Notice

As far as I know, I haven't made any money off of this blog and nobody's given me any free shit! In fact, it's kind of bullshit for me to find out about this now, when all this time presumably everyone else has been swimming in a sea of palm-grease, surfing in on the waves of payola while lining their bathing trunks with thick sheaves of filthy lucre!

Where's mine? Is there a grievance e-mail address that can be made available to we who seek redress for having been so grievously snubbed?

I got NOTHING.

Notice dated 12/1/09. Notice will be revised as soon as I tap my share of that sweet, sweet, internet swag.