Friday, May 16, 2014

Jars of Pebbles

By

Joan Shepherd, FNP

Just got off the phone with a delightful patient who recently finished an eight-day Accelerated Opiate Detox here at The Coleman Institute where we also detox people off of benzos, alcohol, Methadone, and Suboxone.
I didn’t get to see him much; he worked a lot with Courtney and Dr.
Coleman, but I saw him and his girlfriend enough to refer to them as
‘the beautiful couple’.

They got home late last night. Bill*
couldn’t sleep so he drank a beer and took a Valium. Oops. That did
not sit well with Beth*after all the time and money spent, and a rather
ferocious row ensued. He first felt overwhelmed with anger, stopping
just short of kicking a hole in the wall, followed soon after by
incredible guilt and shame.

He called me and said, “My emotions are
through the roof…I’m an emotional wreck…my mood swings are going up and
down all over the place…”

To which I reply, “And…?”

When a person has spent many years of their
life on medications that dampen the emotional response to normal every
day events, let alone important, life changing events—and then no longer
have the drugs in their system, that doesn’t mean the emotions stop.

Oh no.

Your emotions will tail you wherever you
go. In fact, according to Dr. James Prochaska, the behavioral change
guru, it’s one of the biggest reasons people relapse from any kind of
behavioral change they are trying to make; you can change your
environment to avoid certain triggers, but you can’t get your mind and
emotions to move across the country or even around the block.

Between growing up in a family that was
fraught with addiction issues and being an addict himself, Bill’s got
himself a wonderful opportunity for a lifetime of learning how to ‘deal
with’ his distorted thoughts, his disturbing emotions, and his painful
memories. I told him if he weren’t having strong emotions right now I’d really think something was wrong with him.

Bill wondered if there was some kind of
medication he might use to help him mediate his labile feelings. Yes,
medication may help; however, the longer answer—and in my opinion, the
truer answer: it’s going to take a whole lot more than a pill to help
Bill. And the good news is--healing happens.

Fortunately for Bill, he is crystal clear
about what he values. He has an amazing partner who wants him well. He
has two beautiful children. He is a devout Christian. He is
successful in his work and plans to open his own business in the future.

Being solidly grounded in what he values will allow Bill to move forward, taking at least one baby-step every day in committed action toward those values.

Becoming immersed in a strong recovery
program will help him begin the process—and I emphasize process—of
recognizing that although thoughts and emotions are sources of
information for us, they are likely to be confusing, distorted, and
false on a regular basis. Action is real; action is measurable.

We talked about having a big glass jar.
Maybe even a jar to represent each of his most important value areas:
Family, Work and Faith. Each time Bill does an action step—even a tiny
one-- that supports what he values, he can drop a pebble in the jar.

A pebble for deep breathing instead of yelling when the kids are running late for school.

A pebble for remembering to look into Beth’s eyes and tell her 'Thank You for sticking with me'.

A pebble for bringing her a rose on the way home from work.

A pebble for getting up an hour early to go to an Al-Anon meeting.

A pebble for sitting down and looking at his kid’s math homework.

A pebble for opening a door for an employee.

A pebble for ‘dying to self’ when an overwhelming urge to use arises and letting God fill the space.

I wondered what it would be like for
someone to start this tradition and continue it for years. I got an
image of a funeral service-- a celebration of a life well-lived-- and on
the altar or around the coffin or around the headstone were hundred of
bottles full of pebbles.

Pretty cool, huh?

Because the thing is, if you are loving
your family only in your head, and not supporting it with actions, how
will they ever know it’s real?

First things first. Figure out what you
are living for. Get off the drugs. Find resources to help with
thoughts and emotions. Then, in the words of Nike, 'Just Do It'! Take
committed action toward your values.

*(Not real names, of course…but you know who you are, and I told you I’d write a blog about this!)

About Me

The Coleman Institute, the Advanced Center for Addiction Treatment, is recognized as one of the most successful and innovative outpatient accelerated detox centers for addiction treatment in the country with 10 offices in the U.S.
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