Rusty, a local homeless dog, has recently indicated his desire to split from his homeless owner. “I used to be a guide dog,” Rusty explained, “but that ended when my last owner grew new eyes.” Rusty’s current owner, Albert Wurster, has been on the street for live years alongside Rusty. The dog has stated he’s ready to break away from Albert and get back on all four feet.

“He’s a nice enough guy and all, and it’s cool that he never minds when I hump his false leg, but he’s just not that good at being homeless,” Rusty lamented. “I mean his sign says, ‘Spare Chagne?’ Come on. Even I can see it’s misspelled, and I can only see in black and white when I’m not licking my balls,” the dog said.

Upon hearing this Wurster woke up, spit out a tooth, and slapped Rusty on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. “Fucking talking dog,” Wurster grumbled.