Case Number 11547: Small Claims Court

CRUEL INTENTIONS (BLU-RAY)

The Charge

"We've done some pretty f***ed up sh*t in our time, but this...I mean,
we're destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that?"

The Case

All right folks, please file into the small claims court for this case; this
won't take long. Due to an overflow in the docket at the juvenile courtroom down
the hall, we'll be assisting with the proceedings involving underage offenses
temporarily. This brings us to a case that involves indiscretions provoked by
the unchecked indulgences of the immature libido exacerbated by a lack of
parental upbringing. More succinctly, this is a matter of horny kids and their
alleged lack of appropriateness and accountability for their actions. These
"child" defendants are hardly childlike yet neither are they adult in
their intellects (and it's doubtful this court can prove the defendants even
possess anything remotely resembling logic or reason). Yet, here we have
a most extreme case of personal conspiracies, sexual indiscretions, and aberrant
self-aggrandizing.

Kathyrn (Sarah Michelle Geller, Scooby-Doo) and Sebastian (Ryan
Phillippe, Breach) are two teen stepsiblings that make a hobby of
dabbling in the debauchery that is insincere and manipulative sexual encounters
with others, intended to simply satisfy their own unscrupulous ideas of
"entertainment." The greater game, of course, is for Kathryn to keep
Sebastian panting, he is perpetually insatiable until he can fulfill his carnal
hunger for his stepsister. But since she's not giving in to Sebastian's
advances, Kathryn has decided to establish a new challenge for the
smooth-skinned, pouting-lipped boy. Stinging from being dumped by her recent
boyfriend, Kathryn tempts Sebastian to deflower the naïve Cecile (Selma
Blair, A Guy Thing), newest girlfriend to her ex-beau. But Sebastian sees
this as a lowbrow effort from him, he having conquered all worthwhile female
targets within the upper-end Manhattan locale, and determines to deflower the
publicly virginal Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon, Best Laid Plans),
daughter to the university's headmaster. Kathryn thinks Sebastian has
overestimated his own sexual potency with this one and bets he cannot bed
Annette, a loss that will cost him his coveted 1956 Jaguar Roadster. If he
succeeds, though, Kathryn agrees to succumb to Sebastian's physical lusts. The
two bubble with competitive excitement and set about to destroy the lives and
reputations of others to indulge their own selfish whims. Of course, the two are
so blinded by their own self-assuredness that they never anticipate the impact
of a third player that may hold a trump card.

And, ladies and gentlemen, someone thought this sordid little tale could be
passed off to our own children as "entertainment." Attempting to hide
behind the guise of being an adaptation of 1782's Les liaisons
dangereuses (aka "Dangerous Liaisons"), this is nothing more than
a naughty kiddie-sex film that exists as a sort of NickTeen production...on
ecstasy. It wants so badly to come off as soulless and corrupt as its 16th
Century inspiration yet the dialog and delivery of such is so inept it seems
like a poorly executed high school play that leaves parents ashamed and
grandparents appalled. Neither Gellar nor Phillippe can deliver their lines in
anything close to convincing, coming off as stilted and self-conscious for the
entire duration. While both are somewhat attractive, neither are the Venus or
Adonis they purport to be. And, as the plot takes them through a series of
unabashed antics of sexuality, it makes for a very unbecoming outing that never
succeeds to tease nor titillate. The greatest irony of this needless little
endeavor comes when Phillippe, as Sebastian, proclaims, "E-mail is for
geeks and pedophiles." Arguably, this particular film is likewise aimed a
those who might find pleasure in ogling young people, either from the safety of
a computer monitor or from the remote-controlled convenience of a home video
presentation. To this point, the film itself is a sordid affair that exploits
its young cast of characters to pique the pornographic interests of whoever
might be leering. Disgraceful.

It's confusing, then, that Sony would elect to include this film in its
as-young Blu-ray library. Cruel Intentions is given the high-definition
gloss as if it were a notable title, but why? The transfer is a 1080p/AVC MPEG-4
encode that, while it does deliver a clear image, the result is not very
impressive. The source material is quite clean yet it wavers in its own inherent
design that skews detail and shifts color tone and depth. Ultimately, it looks
only about as good as an upscaled Standard Definition DVD playback and, for
this, it makes this disc an under-serving HD presentation. The audio is provided
in an uncompressed PCM 5.1 (and well as the usual Dolby Digital 5.1 alternative)
but, again due to the original production design, the soundstage is constrained
and lacks the dynamics usually expected in an HD setting. Extras are the same as
those previously offered on 1999's SD release, including a chatty audio
commentary with the filmmakers, a couple of fluffy featurettes, some
inconsequential deleted scenes, and a couple of music videos. This said, and
given the lacking improvement in video and audio quality, it's difficult to
recommend a purchase of this particular release.

In the end, Cruel Intentions is a very forgettable and even
frustrating experience in the realm of extreme youth sex culture. It's
impossible to believe this is any sort of attitudinal barometer of the younger
set -- both from 1999 to present day -- and the cast simply isn't as sexy as
they believe themselves to be. The result is an embarrassing two hours that will
leave you apathetic, not aroused.