It is dawn though looks like dusk
Has filled the Jasmine with a musk
Come! Let us fuse into the serenity
Come and dance our ways to eternity!

Seems like dawn has dawned on the earth
Let's see how it celebrates its birth!

Did you notice the sky's necklace being taken off?
Or reckon there's no wink and no cough?
Come! Let us think the matter over
Come and search the culprit. Hover!

Listen to the victim patiently
For it has lost its pearls suddenly!

Here see the sun that unveiled the shawl of night
Is now filling its folds with diamond bright!
Come! Let us witness this mischievous game
Come and observe it's nothing the same!

Curtains at the top are drawn aside
Clouds are pale and pink as a blushing bride!

Stars have drowned in the flood of fiery beam
Moon has disappeared with a smiley gleam!
Come! Let us uncover the convered reality
Come and see that sun's sweet brutality!

No moon seems blinking no star throws a wink
No clamor no clatter not even a clink!

Dropping the droplets of the dew
Night angels depart with their crew!
Come! Let us bid farewell to the notion of dearth
Come and greet dawn with warmth and mirth!

Blades of leaves are bathed and wet
As the dew drops licked and left to get them set!

Dear! The dawn has appeared
Cup your hands; erase the thought of being impaired!
Get determined to vanquish at every step
Do not think of the consequence; nail the husk!
Because,
It is dawn though looks like dusk!

WOW! TR's, this is your best yet. The flow of your lines and the passion within each sentence, it's just so majestic, so subliminal. Your wording and your metaphors, they are captivating. I am definitely adding this to my shelf.

I'm making my way through all the poems for the 'Bare Your Soul' contest for voting, and decided to of course, comment on them all as well, even though I'm not much of a poet, therefore, I can't really offer much of a thoughtful comment, but I thought people would appreciate it anyway, haha. This one is different from the usual poems I read, but I liked it more and more as I read. It's quite beautiful, the setting and way it's worded.

It is almost a hymn of praise to the sun...and speaks of dawn and dusk as one...but dusk ushers in the night's sweet song, while dawn begins the day...This is a unique pairing...
The poem has an upbeat message of promise..

AuthorReply

Comment | 11 words

Wed, July 19th, 2017 11:25pm

Aww thanks for such beautiful words. Your comment is much appreciated .^_^

Rehmat,
How amazing this is! No wonder it won that contest! You obviously read a lot of poetry because you understand how to use repetition to emphasize and summarize theme. Your first line is your last, and it brings us full circle to the hugely significant point that we can't know 'dawn' from 'dusk' at just a glance. This is literally true in photography or paintings and it's figuratively true in life where dawn is a metaphor for new beginnings and dusk an analogy for the final moments.

As the speaker, you are omniscient to this, and you walk me through metaphor upon metaphor, convincing me that this is not the end, but the beginning! Your imagery is beautiful. Your poetic intent is encouragement and redirection...dismissal of pessimism and hopelessness.

Technical observations: you really understand alliteration and use it expertly.
I'm talking, EVERY line demonstrates this.
"Dear, the dawn has appeared!" This line demonstrates alliteration of 'd' with "dear" and "dawn" but also shows Internal Rhyme with "dear" and "appeared". Internal rhyme is rhyme within the body of the piece, not restricted to the end of lines. Finally, "dear" and "appear" demonstrates Consonance, which is the repetition of consonant sounds - here you use the 'r' sound at the end of each word. All these things are poetic elements. And you use alliteration at the beginning of your lines, particularly the letter "c". This helps to tie everything together, one line to the other. I like how you directly address your reader.

"Stars have drowned in the flood of fiery beam". Just wow on that imagery, girl! And you see your alliteration in there? (Flood&fiery)...the repetition of 'd' in 'drowned' and 'flood' is consonance. Those elements are everywhere in your work.

"Clouds are pale and pink as a blushing bride"....just wow. This analogy is re-emphasis of theme (new beginnings) as established by your first and last lines in the poem. It's a brilliant image with subliminal significance.

It's an amazing piece Girl! Congrats on your honor!

GG

AuthorReply

Comment | 80 words

Sun, July 23rd, 2017 10:02am

My goodness, I don't even know how to thank you my dear :O Your comment has put me in seriously like ..I'm so excited.. you brought tears in my eyes .. this is the best comment I ever had on booksie I must say that...
Wll concerning consonance and alliteration, yes that's my excellence ! Thank you so much for taking to read and then commenting such beautiful words and praising and highlighting every single detail.. it's seriously an honor for me :)

First off I do apologise for being late getting to this poem. I'm so busy writing my own world that I am a slow reader :p

I love poetry, and the first thing I will say is that I love this poem. You give me the one thing I love in any form of writing, and that is imagery. I don't like description, so I am thankful I can fly to the moon on the beautiful flight of your imagery. I don't like the sun, hate it in fact, but I love the moon and stars, because of the solitary serenity they bring.

Your rhyming is exotic with beautiful placement, and each connects to finish off your sentences beautifully. I feel that when the moon appears tonight, I could read this poem again and be in perfect harmony. I love the interpretation that when the moon departs, it is because of the brutally from the sun, and it wakes us up from that solitary serenity by taking it away.

Your poetic metaphors of the moon are a journey, and you understand that about poetry. Each word and sentence has meaning, so each part of that journey you paint beautifully with meaning. You describe the moon as our friend, and that we can have our most beautiful moments together under her light, and when the sun comes out, she can't offer that.

Rehmat this deserves to win any poetry contest. So beautiful with its contrasting meaning of the moon and the sun. I absolutely love this, and you are quite special when it comes to poetry. Keep up the beautiful work :)

AuthorReply

Comment | 49 words

Wed, September 6th, 2017 10:22pm

I'm bound to say I didn't write that beautifully but the comments I've received are breathtaking. I really appreciate your appreciation AND that you have so beautifully described my poem. Thank you so much for such beautiful amazing comment and study of the poem. It really means a lot!!!!

This is just absolutely beautiful. I love the imagery here. It pulls my mind in and I can see all of this. I hit the like button. Very very well written. It gives the subject such poetic justice. Two thumbs way up. Bravo.