– Comments, shares, likes, and anything else that gets people to come here are appreciated, as always. The more you show this to your friends and fellow wrestling fans, the more coverage we can do on the site. Share it enough, and hell, we’ll just have to split off into a dedicated wrestling blog. Wink wink, nudge nudge, and so on.

– Be sure you’re reading With Leather’s This Week In Horrible-Looking People every Monday. This week I talked about embarrassing candid 8x10s, and you get to see Andre the Giant dressed like Zach Braff. Good times.

– In horrible wrestling news, WWE decided to let our good friend Derrick Bateman go. These are the guys who decided to write THIS episode of Raw, in case you need a reference for how good their decision-making skills are. Anyway, if you’re a wrestling promoter type who reads this column and wants to book an awesome wrestler who is hilarious and was also on Internet TV for a long time, contact him for bookings here.

– This week’s report is up a little early, because I’ll be spending the majority of the day in a church with video cameras and Goldust. If you aren’t following Meet Me There on Facebook, do that. It’s going to be special.

Please click through to enjoy the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for May 20, 2013. Things get a little sick at the end.

I figure I’m probably the only one who marked out for McGillicutty. I have a special place in my heart for him because of WWE ’12. I’m not very good at that game so MMcG accidentally won the Royal Rumble by last eliminating the Undertaker. So I rolled with it and decided he would choose to challenge the streak. …And he accidentally won again because I suck. So in my world, McGillicutty ended the streak. Basically I’ve loved him for video game profiting off of my ineptitude.

you can’t be the guy that goes on every non-wwe-yet-still-wrestling-related-video on youtube and writes “colt caban vs the streak !” or “the stick vs the streak” or “micheal mcgillicutty vs the streak” and it suddenly becomes the top comment automaticly, right ?!

I second this. I love female wrestlers (hello KJ making her opponents tap out by tapping her on the ass with the Octopus Hold – and Layla giving it a good hard squeeze after tapping!) but nothing is more awesome than the top Japanese female wrestlers. Those girls know more holds that 98% of the WWE roster combined and they go at it with Daniel Bryan speed / fury. So wicked. Anyhow, definitely nice to be introduced to Kana via this Best / Worst. I was just reading her Wiki entry and one of her ring names was SKULL-REAPER KANA!!! Fucking bad-ass.

Axel will never be buried as long as that is his entrance theme. It was also nice of them to explain the name change (even if it isn’t the most fitting name for a baby-faced mountain man looking guy) before Huntorr showed up ruined everything.

I just can’t with HHH anymore. Nothing he does helps anybody but himself and as evidence by the crowd’s heroic refusal to give him the “standing ovation he thinks he deserves,” he doesn’t even help himself.

He’s the least over part-timer in the company and brings no value to his product.

I feel you man. I have been a HHH apologist in the past, but Jesus, this was just terrible. And the worst/most ironic thing ever is apparently he was one of the guys who pushed for the Curtis Axel angle! Maybe he was legit concussed last night, because if this is how he thinks you get people over, he probably does need medical attention.

I don’t understand it, either. So Triple H gets concussed? What are they building to? Are they bulding towards the 4th installment of the Brock/Triple H feud? Is Triple H going to have retire due to “medical reasons?” Am I supposed to think that Curtis Axel is a threat now? Are they making him Paul Heyman’s ineffectual lackey?

I DON’T WANT TO PAY MONEY TOWARDS ANY OF THAT BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED!

Apparently it will lead to an angle of his family begging him not to fight anymore or something. And I am not sure if I made it clear, but HHH was apparently the guy who pushed for Axel to get the call-up, as he was pretty impressed with him, and THAT was how he decided to introduce him. So now we know, that is how HHH thinks they should make new stars. I wonder if Ambrose has naked pictures of Linda on his hard drive, and has been in charge of the Shield’s booking this whole time. Its ironic WWE is pushing for this interactive stuff, yet they keep doing shit that pisses fans off.

I have nothing to add to the entire Triple H thing, except to say: Of course he did… of course he did.

So I’ll focus on the positive. Oh my God that 6-man. Bryan was absolutely unbelievable, and I hope these guys go Dolph-Kofi on every show in perpetuity. And am I crazy, or has Kofi been approaching really good lately? He still does his jumpy stuff, but something looks different. Maybe it’s the guys he’s been working with (note: it’s almost definitely that) but I thought he was really good last night.

Last thing: The Shield is proving that even if you know how a match is going to end, it can still be awesome. LOL Cena-Rock.

Kofi is good (well, *WWE* good), it just doesn’t in his generally happy-go-lucky jumpy, crowd pandering character to wrestle smart unless the situation is serious enough to call for it. So yeah, when he is mad or determined and not playing to the crowd so much (which is often accompanied by better opposition/supporting cast, as it happens), he seems to look a lot better. I’m almost certain there is some form of unfortunate implication tied to this, but I’m not the one to call it out.

That European Uppercut by Kofi elicited genuine surprise from the commentary team (particularly JBL) at just how good it was. The Shield, man. GIVING YOU PPV QUALITY MATCHES ON RAW SINCE FEBRUARY 18 2013 (WHILST ALSO BEING THE ONLY WRESTLERS TO GIVE YOU BACK-TO-BACK PPV QUALITY MATCHES ON ACTUAL PPVs).

when fandango first debuted, he had a promo and a match at smackdown (that each went for 10 MINUTES LONG ! because smackdown actully gives you long (yet still bad) wrestling matches) against santino marella ! and I was thinking all promo and match long “will santino suddenly say that fandango is indeed jhonny curtis that was his international correspondent on foreign exchange ?!” … but it didn’t happen …

and now, I really want santino to CONTINUE~ trying to TOUCH THE BEARD~ !!!

This is true in a sense, but if you think about it the whole “dragging to Hell” trope is meant to punish the one being dragged to hell. So hell in the case of Ryback would be a place he would enjoy while his opponent would be miserable. Thus, if Ryback were to drag Cena to hell it would be to a 24 hour Churrascaria where there are no little kids and you have to wear long pants with less than six pockets.

On the 14th of May, Kaitlyn asked for help finding out who her secret admirer is, on the 18th of May I respond via Twitter with four tweets giving two theories about what’s going on, on the 20th of May this Kaitlyn/Cody skit happens. I am more amused than anything about this and would be incredibly flattered if this skit was in reaction to what I posted.

What no Backstage Fallout? But yeah I detest HHH with an undying passion, I do. He’s just not good at stuff like at all. Also what the fuck, America? Why are you chanting for HHH, you were supposed to not chant for him.

Do you mean Pankration, the ancient Greek sport, or Pancrase, Yes They Are Hybrid Wrestlers? Because if anyone is doing a reference to the latter without wearing moon boots and briefs, they are doing it so very wrong.

If tonight’s Shield match, Ziggler’s cash-in, and the Punk/Cena match from earlier this year are all on the “Best of Raw & Smackdown 2013″ DVD next year, I’ll buy it. Even if the rest of the DVD is filled with dance contests, tugs-of-war, and that asshole Triple H.

I noticed that “Triple H” and “HHH” were both trending for 20 minutes or so after the show. Imagine if Triple H wasn’t so starved for attention, and had let Axel beat him. Or, just as good, if Axel had kicked the shit out of him *after* Hunter started with the “guys, my brain hurts” stuff. Curtis Axel could have been trending for several minutes after the show.

But no, the guy who’s going to be a Hall of Famer the moment he retires needs all the focus to be on him. Ugh.

Seriously, its a fucking disgrace. You couldn’t have lost it in the ring and let the new dude lock in his new finisher and not let it go and make him look like a million buck? It amazes me what they’ve done with The Shield, how smart and logical their booking has been(aside from SuperCena last week), but with everyone else that is new, WWE gets a case of the stupids.

Really, his video screen entrance was the only part that stuck with Curt Axel. When Heyman was talking about him, he called him Curtis Axel. Kind of like they realized they needed to change it but didn’t have time to redo his name screen. Just a guess.

Easier to chant Curt-is Ax-el than it is when dude’s name only has three syllables. Maybe. Fuck, that can’t be it. Nobody’s gonna chat his name if HHH buries him every week until he quits pro wrestling in tears.

I think, in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning I’ll get up nice and early, and take a walk down over to the ring and walk in and see and, uh, if Cena don’t have my title for me, I’ll crack your fuckin’ head wide-open in front of everybody in the arena. And just about the time that I’m comin’ out of the next PPV, hopefully, you’ll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I’ll split your fuckin’ head open again.

Man, I wish I could write for WWE. Instead of having the Shield lose to John Cena because he sells merchandise, they should have remained undefeated. Then, John Cena should lose to Ryback and be absolutely massacred in the process. Then, this enormous beast who eats people should have been the one to snap the Shield’s winning streak, with a triple shellshock or something. That would have shown the immense power of Ryback and kept the Shield looking good.

Also, I’ve liked Ryback since his heel turn, because it just sort of makes sense, but that speech on top of the ambulance just sounded like Heel Speech Madlibs.

except that after ryback does all that and is the new wwe champion and the one that defeated the shield and everything else, at summerslam (or money in the bank), DANIEL BRYAN faces him for the wwe title and WINS IT !!!

I like Randy Orton, I really do, and the ropes DDT used to be awesome. When he first started using it, it felt organic, and he didn’t bust it out in every match, so when he did it would get a pop. But like everything else in the WWE, if something works, they just run it into the ground until its a shell of its former self, then discard itand leave it for dead. Also, I second the 619 as the most insufferable and kayfabe-breaking move in all of wrestling. It makes everyone who Mysterio wrestles look like a moron, and I hate hate hate it so much I no longer like Mysterio because of it.

Eh, the 619 isn’t that egregious a breach of kayfabe. It IS awkward, but easy enough to explain.

Rey was a veteran wrestler with at least a decade of experience when he first started doing the 619 as an actual attack, I do believe. Even with the positioning being convoluted, he has more than enough experience and success to believe he’d have the smarts and skill to eventually be able to maneuver anyone that he’s capable of taking off their feet into position to take the 619, provided he can hang in there long enough. Just like any other wrestler’s finisher, they are always looking for an opportunity to hit it, so he’s always looking for a chance to set it up in the course of a match.

Short version: It isn’t the smoothest thing, but he is always looking to set it up, and has the experience and skill to do it to almost anybody.

i started getting really in depth in the comments last night about sheamus’ ability to make mid-carders look like total beasts. and then i scrapped it because i was stoned, and didn’t think it made a lick of sense.

but the gist was that guys like young, sandow, and cesaro can 1) look SO good in a match and 2) do it against the number 2 guy in your company.
it just drives me up the wall the way that everyone in back seems to ignore the performances these guys have, because all they care about is getting to hit the music after the foive moves of doom, fella. the real shameful thing here is the way that these guys get absolutely zero recognition for looking so good because they didn’t win…in a place where wins don’t matter.

It’s impossible to get in depth in the discussion thread, the comments move too fast(or maybe it is the pot, as I’m usually stoned for RAW too.), but I totally agree with you. Sheamus gets a lot of shit, and rightly so, but he does more to get a wrestler over when he wins than a million Zach Ryder losses.

Triple H can impregnate himself and carry the baby to term in three weeks, without missing a single minute for maternity leave. BECAUSE HE’S JUST THAT DAMN GOOD! That baby will then be able to beat half the active roster.

You’re all wrong about the HHH match ending. I was very impressed. I mean, who would have thought, at this stage of his career, that he could still be finding new ways to make a match boring, draw the life out of an audience, AND completely fuck up getting someone over all at the same time. Genius.

I think that last night’s Triple H may have been the most dickish he has ever been…and he is a face right now! A medical doctor, who we assume likes his job, is concerned for the safety of a wrestler. He has two duties in his role: to try and treat injuries and to prevent those that are unable to compete from competing. HHH, using his power as an executive, threatens the man’s job. So this doctor either has to lose his job or run the risk of losing his license and possible lawsuits if HHH is seriously injured or dies. I know that this is made up but how does anyone there think that this is ok? I know people complain about Vince being out of touch but is this the bullshit we are going to have to put up with when Trips takes over full time?

I think his level of dickishness has remained pretty consistent over the last decade or so. Remember when he spent five minutes of promo time, face DX promo time, pointing out that ring-announcer Lillian Garcia resembles a horse, facially-speaking?

those two reasons are the only things I’m still HEARING VOICES IN MY HEAD~ saying “which match is better ?!!!?!?!?!!?! that one from last night or punk vs cena ?!”

and at the very end, I honestly confidently say that it’s indeed last night’s tag match that is the better and best match of the year ! (although it’s a matter of opinion and everyone can think whatever they want because both matches were so close in being superdupersuper awesome )

“Last night’s angle with Triple H to end Raw was the beginning of a concussion angle. At this time, the plan is to keep Triple H off TV for a while, and when he returns the McMahon family (Stephanie and Vince) will try and convince Triple H that he should not wrestle again.”

Vince: “Paul, we’re serious. You’ve got to hang it up.”
Steph: “Honey, we know you want to do this, but what you’re doing isn’t vital for this business–”
Triple: “This business? THIS BUSINESS” *kicks Curtis Axel in the balls*

I really wanted Cody and Kaitlyn to be a thing when they were doing that for the 15 minutes before someone went “HEY! BELLA TWINS!” and it makes me sad that it’s not going to be a thing, apparently, ever.

WWE wants to own copyright on every performer’s name. They can’t own a copyright on a guy’s actual name. Erego, everyone has to use assumed names from now on. The only person to escape WWE rebranding in years is CM Punk, who had Heyman behind the scenes fighting hard to let him stay who he was previously. Some people are grandfathered in (Lesnar, for instance, and his MMA history kinda requires his real name be used to be relevant), John Cena, Randy Orton. But I don’t think there’s been anyone since those two guys who’s come in with their actual name.

Triple H really is just such a douche of the highest caliber. Plus, I have to question his “doing good for THIS BUSINESS” stuff, because even though he seems to have an interesting youth agenda, it just seems to be food for his ego. An ego that isn’t even satiated by the fans anymore because they just don’t care. It’s kind of crazy to see, actually. Not but a year ago he was getting massive pops, but now? Apathy, silence, and an air of malaise. It’s great. I do not doubt for a second that this phase is temporary, and will only devolve to the dreaded “X-Pac heat.” There’s just something despicable and unlikable in Triple H; from his “I’m just trying to be the best COO I can be” pandering-for-pity to his current attempt at an anti-hero by being a quintessential prick who’s unaffected by the REALITY THAT HE SHOULD BE HURT FROM THE MATCH HE LOST, he’s found a way to make himself less and less relevant in a way only accomplished by people who were forced into oblivion from uncreative creative teams.

His moments with the audience are just cringeworthy. And on an unrelated note, even though I loved Henry telling Stryker to back off and then stating he’s “going home,” I am not looking towards a babyface return. He should never be face again. Henry should always be the ogre monster heel who rules upon a throne of skulls while not being the ultimate baddie, but definitely up there. “All-smiles” Mark sucked. Big time. And Three 6 Mafia should always do his theme song live.

I said this on the live blog and I’ll say again here. I am a Zack Ryder apologist so him having SOME TV time is something. But at this point he should just pull a Gail Kim and roll out of the ring. He’s getting nothing out of being here other than merch sales and a paycheck. Getting less and less worth it at this point.

Wrestlers do dumb things in exchange for money. (See: wrestling.) It’s hard to get a spot with a big promotion, so once you’re there it’s hard to not nod your head to anything and everything creative gives you, even if it’s “human chew toy.” I agree that it isn’t good television, but you can’t fault the guy for trying to put food on his table.

With how stupid WWE’s target market is, they’ll forget that HHH squashed Axel and all will be well with Axel’s push. All they’ll do is show clips of the match where Axel hit HHH’s head with his elbow, they’ll add in Cole’s commentary about how lethal the elbow shot to the head was and voila. Axel gets his push.

They’ll be selling it as Axel was the guy that took out HHH in the highlight packages. Just like Sheamus totally never sucker punches his enemies. They always provoke him.

I’m kind of okay with it because I was never on board his train to begin with and he was never what I’d call a good wrestler, but:

Does anyone else feel bad that even Zach Ryder doesn’t want to be Zach Ryder anymore? He’s completely given up on being anything. You could say he’s trying to re-invent himself, but then he’d have to give up his old characteristics and replace them with something. Instead he just let them go and he’s now “that guy that loses matches badly.”

Next week he’s going to be like “I risked permanent brain damage for THIS BUSINESS and YOU PEOPLE”. And if the applause isn’t loud enough, he’s going to make Ziggler tapout at Payback and piss on the WHC.

Couldn’t The Shield come out and talk about there not being any challengers left and with that “Wild and young” starts to play and the Nexus, in all it’s original glory, comes out from behind the curtain? I mean, people would like that right?

Pretty sure this was their attempt at a “Very Special Episode”. Half expected Vince, Stephanie, and HHH to be standing in front of a “behind the scenes” set to tell everyone about the dangers of concussions and talk up their donation to Nowinski’s Sports Legacy Institute.

Constantly I have to put up with Brandon’s b*tching about how announcers treat the Divas or how the Divas treat the Divas – ex. AJ’s slut shaming – and usually I’m with him, but now I think he’s a hypocrite. You get angry when Lawler says whatever about AJ, but admit to liking LayCool, who if memory serves me correct, were responsible for the whole “Piggy James” thing. That angle was even more ridiculous than shaming AJ for being a whore. I can already hear the retort: But LayCool were heels doing heel things. That still doesn’t make it right. You can’t have it both ways. You don’t get to complain about people being stupid and sexist when you say that one of your favourite things ever was LayCool.

You are reaching pretty far with this one. They weren’t responsible for Piggy James. WWE was responsible for not having Mickie triumph against them for being scumbags. AJ is getting called a whore for no reason other than “whore = bad.” It’s not even in the same ballpark.

AU CONTRAIRE, Mr. Stroud. As a native New Yorker I would LOVE to have an app that showed me Zack Ryder being murdered in ever more hilarious ways. I would love for that app to be RAWACTIVE so I could pick who destroys him.

I CRIED when the Mr Perfect remix music started, and when Heyman was talking about Axel being trained for greatness, and when Axel was standing there looking ever so proud.

I cried too when Triple H challenged him to a match in the main event – but for very different reasons. I knew exactly what would happen. Look, Triple H, thanks for everything, but seriously – this is how you think you’re going to get over new, young talent? New, young talent whose dad was a pal of yours? Seriously? Meanwhile poor old Jericho, no matter how much you might hate his schtick, has been dutifully putting over bloody Fandango for months.

Does it hit anyone else when you realize that Kane/Cena/Eve stuff was a whole year ago? I mean… shit. I’ve been following this column since like late 2011 and it feels like its only been a couple of months.

I thought some of the interactive stuff was kind of cool, like when Jericho ended up wrestling Shelton Benjaman and 2007 when it was between Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels (even though they had been building up Shawn and Randy’s feud for a month and had probably been banking on Shawn to win anyway).

Its starting to seem that the only good parts of Raw is Shield vs Hell No, we’ve had, what four different versions of them wrestling each other (six man tags for two weeks, single matches, tag tornado match, and another six man tag). While they’re great, what the fuck is the Shield supposed to do after Hell No? Wrestle the Prime Time Players on loop?

Oh, man, I went to look for some pictures of Kana, so I typed into Google image search “Kana wrestler” and one of the pictures is a picture of a shirtless HHH holding a WRESTLER OF THE DECADE award. I burst out laughing. Then I cried, because I realized that now Trips is going to find a way to haunt me even when I’m not even doing anything wrestling related.

I made the comments for the first time ever! I feel like I’m part of the family now. /wipes away single tear

I’m just gonna watch that Shield match on loop until I die. Maybe I’ll watch it interspersed with Angle/Shane from King of the Ring. Both of those matches, forever, until I die. With the Kid Perfect 2.0 theme playing. That remix is so good.

I have high hopes for Kid Perfect 2.0. Despite his alleged boring-ness, he’s always been one of the guys I hoped would make it. Maybe that’s because I’m a mark for his father, but I always want to see the kids of the dudes who made the business get there. Yes, even Randy Orton. Hold on while I swallow this puke…

…still swallowing…

…little more…

…okay.

To recap: the world is a better place with the Shield in it, cheers to WWE for finally acknowledging where Joe Hennig came from instead of sweeping his lineage under the rug with one of the worst work names I’ve ever heard, and WOO I MADE THE TOP TEN COMMENTS INTERNET FAMOUS HERE I COME.

Just a couple quick thoughts from my live Smackdown experience, for anyone still reading (no spoilers):

Front row is awesome. I was in front of the left-front turnbuckle. AJ stood right in front of me for a good (OK, a *great*) 30 seconds or more. It would have been an amazing picture, but I decided to enjoy the view and clap for her and Big E rather than mess with my phone.

My section was pretty good, but a little too smart for their own good. You probably won’t hear the “Ralphus” chant some of them started. There was a good Dean Ambrose chant, but they ruined it by following it with a “Jon Moxley” chant. Paul Heyman got a good response too.

Also Brandon, to your first point about Ryback and the Ambulance: John Cena is incapable of refusing a challenge. You have codified this yourself. Ryback is smart now, so he brought out his ambulance knowing full well that the match would happen. He’s using the WWE championship match cheat, exactly as you described it.