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Macy's parade, dogs, Patriots and ... David Geffen?

The Lowell Sun

Updated:
11/19/2012 08:14:25 AM EST

Papa Smurf joins the Elf among the new balloons at Mach s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

American Masters: Inventing David Geffen -- PBS, Tuesday, 8 p.m.

Following in the footsteps of Woody Allen, Harper Lee and Johnny Carson as a subject of PBS's documentary series American Masters is ... David Geffen? Look, I get that he's rich and that he founded Geffen Records and co-founded Dreamworks, but is he really a master of anything? His ambition to not only finagle his way into the William Morris mailroom but to actually make something of himself is impressive, and he certainly has an eye for talent since he was a major part of launching the careers of Guns n' Roses, Nirvana and Tom Cruise. But master? He's an agent -- is Scott Boras going to be the next subject?

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade -- NBC, Thursdsay, 9 a.m.

Despite the fact that it is on at 9 a.m., the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is always one of the most-watched programs on television every year. The huge balloons might be the parade's biggest draw, with Charlie Brown and Kermit being mainstays on the route, but there are always some lame choices. Like Papa Smurf -- who actually likes that guy? He's like 600 years old, both in the show and in real life. If you're going to go far back in cartoon history for balloon ideas, at least pick someone cool, like Snowmiser. Or Hans Moleman from The Simpsons. Or Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons. You know what, just make it a Simpsons parade.

National Dog Show -- NBC, Thursday, noon

If you've seen Best in Show, it's worth watching the National Dog Show on Thanksgiving because of how deadly accurate the movie is.

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One commentator -- the one who's supposed to be the dog "expert" -- is always British, while the color guy (the always fantastic John O'Hurley) is there to make jokes, though maybe not as explicitly as Fred Willard's character does in the movie. The handlers dress kind of frumpy, and those with bigger dogs all wear comfy loafers so they can run like the wind. Most of the dogs look great, except for the few weird ones that you didn't even know existed (and that you sort of wished didn't).

Elf

And the judges take their jobs as seriously as a doctor examining a patient and love "examining" the dogs' genitalia.

Patriots v. Jets -- NBC, Thursday, 8:30 p.m.

Yeah, you can just go ahead and keep your TV on NBC for all of Thanksgiving, especially if you like watching a team that is completely anemic on one side of the ball -- because two teams like that will be playing. The Jets' offense is a joke, without one player that could even crack the Patriots' practice squad, let alone starting lineup. But even with the talented stick of dynamite they acquired in Brandon Meriweather-soundalike Aqib Talib, the Patriots still possess a pass defense best described as "frustratingly inept," which is why the sorriest quarterback in the league, the Jets' Mark Sanchez, put up 328 yards in his last game against them. Most interesting aspect of the broadcast: seeing how hard Faith Hill has to work to change the lyrics to the Sunday Night Football theme song -- or maybe it's simply seeing Faith Hill.

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