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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Warning: Impending TMI of a medical nature. (In case the title didn't already clue you in.)

Tomorrow I will have the dubious pleasure of having the insides of my uterus cauterized. In honor of the occasion, we could take a look at the uterus in all its glory and learn from the wonders of the human body.

OR...

We could take a look at what other women order when they get their lady-bits worked on. After all, I could use a little inspiration.

(Yeah, I like option "B" better, too.)

This woman nicknamed her baby bag "Tilly", and then ordered it a farewell cake, like so:

Hm. Not a bad idea, really. Of course, coming up with just the right nickname for your internal organs can be a mixed bag - er, no pun intended. Plus, I'd have to give mine a guy's name, since I refuse to believe any female would inflict such horrors on another. So...The McCramper? Sweeney Todd? Sir-Clumps-A-Lot? I'm open to suggestions, obviously.

Elizabeth made this nifty Operation cake for her mom, who was feeling kinda down about an impending hysterectomy:

Elizabeth writes, "My friends said I should have made a driver's license with her picture and changed the F to an M, but since I didn't want her to kill herself, I just made this."

Good call, Elizabeth. Having the cake recipient collapse in a sobbing heap can be such a killjoy. Far better to take the more chipper, Pollyanna-ish route:

Although there is the possibility that wishing someone a "happy" hysterectomy could lead to a different kind of meltdown: Anyone remember Wendi Aaron's famous "Happy Period" rant at Always maxi pads? If not, and you don't mind a little language, you should check it out.

Here's my favorite line:

"...there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory."

Ah, which of us hasn't been there, eh, ladies? Or are there right now? ("Husband!! Bring me more Kahlua!!")

Some women obviously have a better relationship with their bits than I do, though:

Friends? Friends?!?("Husband!! I mean it!!")

Now granted, I'm not having Sir-Clumps-A-Lot removed tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm any less apprehensive about the anesthesia and the whole, you know, cauterizing thing. So if any of you have some spare well wishes to send my way, the doctor's way, the Almighty's way, etc., I'd sure appreciate it.

Oh, and for the most realistic-looking (ieshiiiny) uterus cake yet, check out Debbie's here.

Thanks to Wreckporter Hall-of-Famer Monique R. for finding the last three.

UPDATE: For all of you asking if vasectomy cakes will be next: Been there, done that. :D

Reader Comments (273)

To "Anonymous" who said this: "anyone who doesn't think a hysterectomy is the happiest time of their life hasn't had one". I beg to differ. I had an emergency hyst (due to hemorrhage)right after the birth of my baby last year. It has been tough. Please think before you "speak". Sorry to put a damper on this. I just thought that one comment was unfair.

I had an endometrial ablation two years ago, and while mine had complications (apparently I inherited the family pre-disposition for blood clots), the ablation has been wonderful. What used to be horrible days of pain and heavy bleeding are now days when I almost need a panty liner for light spotting. It's been wonderful. The day of the ablation really kind of sucked, but the pain went away by the next day. I would have been right as rain by the end of the week if it weren't for my dad's little genetic gift. Good luck, and don't worry, mine was a 1 in 1000+ scenario. Yours won't be, and the end result is just wonderful!

I haven't been here in a while -- the last thing I looked at was the cakes for baby showers, and you seemed abjectly horrified particularly with the fact that a woman might be naked while giving birth... so I'm surprised to see that you're sharing this incredibly personal information, because I'd written you off as a total prude. But it looks like cake has worked its magic: ignorance and fear has been swept away by knowledge of the crumb!

Best of luck with this surgery, Jen...and wishes for a speedy recovery. I found this post oddly, poignantly hilarious as it happened not more than a week after I was told by my own doc that I have an obnoxiously large fibroid and need to have something done about it. (Symptomatic, unfortunately....can't just leave it alone.) Since that time I've heard a boatload of stories from all directions, and these cakes were a strangely slanted, wet-your-pants funny look at a body part that can be both awesome and troublesome. As always, you managed to make me laugh!

Hope all went well. I have had my ladybits fiddled with under a general anaesthetic too, not exactly fun but OK. The obstetrician kindly offered to take photos of the inside of my uterus while she was there and was a bit put out that neither I nor my husband really wanted any. It's all survivable, hope you get a damned good cake to help post-op recovery!

Am I the only one who saw the first episode of "Blossom" during the '90s? Girl whose mom has left her w/a dad & 2 brothers gets her first period, feels weird because there's no woman to talk to about it. Dreams that Phyllicia Rashad (sp.) comes to play mom for the occasion. PR presents her with a cake and gives her the whole You're a Woman Now and Here's How Your Ladybits Work lecture, drawing the classic uterus-and-fallopian-tube diagram on the cake in icing as she does so. Girl greatly comforted. Wish I had the video!

On behalf of my husband, we wish to thank you for this timely post. After all, how else would he have entertained his mother-in-law (yes, my mother) for 42 long minutes while they waited for me to return home. You always want to sit on the couch next to your in-laws in search of entertainment and find iced replicas of female anatomy. It's one of those moments you'll cherish forever.

Hey, "mom," do you remember when we looked at uterus cakes together? That uncomfortable silence was so fun! Let's do that again sometime.

(Seriously, I rather liked returning home to see them both squirming in anguish over whether to just be grown-ups and snicker at the jokes or to pretend that they hadn't just stared at sugary cervixes. It made me laugh!)

As for the cakes...seriously...there's some things that should not be caked nor celebrated. I don't think I'll ever understand the "happiness" women say they have because of this awful procedure.

I've known too many women that aren't happy with it; for any one of the following reasons for a combination...

Forced into it by the husband/boyfriend/family

Forced into it by the doctor or fear for their own life

The procedure entirely messed up/destroyed her body

They wanted more children after all

Any other reasons I can't remember right off the hop. I seriously understand if health is a reason why this procedure is done, but it should be very seriously and gravely considered, not rushed into. Surgery is a very serious thing and you want to try to avoid changing anything your Potterer/nature/(insert your ideals here) crafted for you.

Hope all went well, Jen. I have a bleeding disorder and my doc wants to freeze the lining of my uterus when I'm "finished with [my] family", so I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one considering No More Periods EVER. :)

I'm new to your blog and this posting got me so hooked. I had a complete hysterectomy almost two years ago, after much misdiagnosing and putting off by y doctor, and had to deal with the idea of no children at all for me. (Not that being pregnant was ever that appealing anyway.) Anyhoo, I wish I had thought about this goodbye uterus cake thing back then. Would have been so fun, although the hubby probably would have been a bit grossed out. ;-)

I just found your blog (thanks twitter!) and have annoyed my husband no end by laughing hysterically and making him read what I've just snotted myself over. Am having the whole burn-your-uterus-in-hopes-of-no-more-monthly-misery myself on Wednesday, so I now feel that we are bonded on a personal level and would be total BFFs if we ever met in person (don't go rushing out for the restraining order yet, because I've got lots of children to take care of and I'm inherently lazy, so really you can relax). Thanks for your completely hilarious work. Please never stop!!

I was trying to find what is the American brand of humor(also spelling, and I find a classic example here.Mine is more British in the mould of P G Wodehouse.I intend to read all posts in the "Vake Wrecks". Cool.s/d http://drkjshenoy.blogspot.com

As I am lead to understand it, the last cake may, in fact, be from an "Abortion Party", thrown by a young woman to pay for her abortion (this is, at least, the story going around the web at present, including on CNN.com, I am not speaking to the veracity)... just a rather different occasion.