Sunday, November 22, 2015

Wishmaster IV: The Prophecy Fulfilled (Canada, 2002)

Roughly a year ago, we caught the firstWishmaster (1997), which we found mildly entertaining:
"as a horror film it offers little new or innovative, but it is a fun and
at times almost campy film that goes well with, well, a six-pack, chips and a
joint (which is actually what we consumed it with)." That we have now
watched Wishmaster IV: The Prophecy
Fulfilled has less to do with the fact that the first movie mildly
entertained us than that we found a working copy of the DVD on the street — and
despite the fact that we should know better, we never say no to a free DVD.

And, indeed: there was a reason that whoever dropped the DVD didn't find it worth
bending over to pick it back up again: this Canadian-made, direct-to-video tax
deduction licks leprous caribou cunt.

Trailer:

The fourth and
the last of the series, it was filmed back-to-back with part three, Wishmaster III: Beyond the Gates of Hell
(2002 / trailer), and going by this instalment, we feel safe to say that the two combined served well to nail the coffin lid of the franchise
shut. As was to be expected, in truth, seeing that both the two
direct-to-video sleeping pills were directed by some guy named Chris Angel, a man with a porno-star name who,
in 1999, also directed one of the worst horror films we ever had the
displeasure of seeing, The Fear: Resurrection,
another direct-to-video tax deduction that licks leprous caribou cunt.

The plot of Wishmaster IV, like all the films of
the series, revolves around an evil djinn (John Novak of Darkman III: Die Darkman Die [1996 / trailer]
and the public domain horror flick Eternal
Evil [1985 / full movie])
who, once accidentally released by a blonde, must get his latest victim — in
this case here, Lisa (Tara Spencer-Nairn of Final Draft [2007 / trailer])
— to make three wishes so as to be able to release his evil fellow folk onto our
world. In between, he grants the wishes made in passing by those whose paths he crosses, usually killing them as he does. Unlike in the earlier films, however,
this time around the lady in peril actually makes three wishes — but for some
odd reason, he doesn't grant the final wish — "I wish I could love you for
who you are" — and, instead, spends his time pondering the meaning of love
and trying to make Lisa love him for who he is. Snore. In-between, he makes a
few unspectacular kills — indeed, the body count and special effects of this
installment are sub-standard for even a direct-to-video piece of shit.

As is known to
anyone who has seen any of the franchise installments, the only way to vanquish
the djinn is to make a wish that somehow destroys him or brings his downfall —
but Lisa's final wish is not such a wish, as the djinn could basically snap his
fingers, change the wiring in her brain, make her head-over-heels in love with
him, free his fellow djinn, and spawn dozens of half-breeds, thus ruining the purity of the white man's bloodline. (Before you go shitten' yer britches, that was a joke, okay?) In any event, his
procrastination is stupid, and endemic of the stupidity of the entire movie,
which sorely lacks much of the campiness that helped make the first installment
mildly enjoyable. The sudden appearance of a protective angel (Victor Webster
of Embrace the Vampire [2014 /
trailer]),
who is both murderous and ineffectual, pads the time and adds to the body
count, but does little to make the movie any more entertaining or logical.

But then, none
of the kills are particularly interesting and at least one seems oddly
inconsistent: a lawyer (John Benjamin Martin), for
example, makes no wish but nevertheless kills himself at the djinn's influence
simply because Lisa wishes a court settlement would be reached? Excuse us for
failing to see how the court settlement required his death — and, also, if the djinn is so powerful that he can influence others, why can't he simply make Lisa make three wishes? Indeed, he seems to have the power to invade her wet dreams — pictured below — so why can't he bend her will? And, really, perhaps
we're being a bit pedantic here, but we do tend to see a difference between a
wish ("I wish I could love you for who you are") and a statement of
desire ("I'd trade my soul to be a pimple on her ass") — the film
pretty much misses the chance of a good laugh with the latter by leaving the
result to the viewer's imagination.

Is there
anything good about the movie? Well, some of the actors are appealing. Lisa is
rather attractive, and the movie's opening does include an extended sex scene
which has her bare a lot — a scene that once again proves (especially by way of
comparison with the later scene in the strip club) that all natural is way better
than all plastic.

All natural:

Likewise, Lisa's true love Sam (Jason Thompson of Circle [2010 / trailer]),
may be a bitter asshole for most of the movie, but he is good-looking and while
we never get a full frontal, we get a lot of his smooth skin in the sex scene
with Lisa. And, indeed, the pre-credit love scene is surprisingly well done and
sexy, doing wonders to reflect the happiness the loving young couple enjoys (prior
to the appearance of the words "Three years later"). Sure, even a
fixer-upper like the house they bought probably cost more than they would have,
and, yes, they do screw in a bed found in the attic that, in all likelihood,
considering the condition of the house that they don't yet actually live in, would
logically be filthy and full of bugs, but hell: the scene does show a level of
romantic joie de vivre that indicates
the director might be better at women's films or soft-core porn than he
obviously is at horror. Indeed, so much of this flick revolves around relationships, lust and love, and sex and desire that one could easily imagine that it was originally meant as a Zalman King project.

But Wishmaster IV, in theory, is a horror
film. In theory. Not in theory, however, but in fact: as a horror film, Wishmaster IV is a tedious lick-a-thon that bores until it ends with a whimper. Yes, it has tits — but who
watches cheap-shit movies for mammaries, now-a-days? That's what the internet
is for.

Note:

Hi there. This blog is about obscure, trashy, fun, bad and fabulous films. Therefore, this blog is likely to contain "adult" material such as images of blood, guts, nekkid wimin and even — GASP! — penis. If you are offended by the sight of such things, we advise you leave this blog and go here instead.Please be forewarned that A Wasted Life, as life is apt to be, may not be suitable for under-age readers and/or workplace viewing. Reader discretion is advised.Furthermore, we take no responsibility for any of the links found on this blog. So if you click on one, you take full responsibility for your decision to do so no matter whether you are suddenly confronted by Donald Duck, clean-shaven clinical detail, gushing salamis, Trojans from Russia or whatever.Feel free to use anything found on this blog – our only contingency is that you should give proper credit and (if possible) add a link to A Wasted Life.Peace, love and Bobby Sherman.

About Me

An accidental ex-pat that has enjoyed the city of Berlin for over 30 years shares his extensive knowledge and personal opinions on the films that he has and still is wasting his life on by watching.
For more insight into his fabulously normal life, choose one of the blogs below that fits the topic you want to read about. And remember: it's not life that sucks, it's your life that sucks.

LOLOL funny shit! really enjoyed this. i just downloaded this movie and now I wonder — why the heck did i waste my bandwith. Ur comments are funny as hell. Do u have any comments on the recent beowulf and grendel flicks? [Anonymous (rajivness@gmail.com) @ Beowulf]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.[Graciela @ Come Back, Charleston Blue]