When you find yourself unhappy in a relationship, it’s not always your own fault. You need to remember that. A relationship involves you and your partner. So if one of you isn’t happy, both of you need to work together to fix the relationship. [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and your love life]

Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship. When both of you trust each other completely and understand each other, it prevents insecurities and frustrations from ever cropping up.

If you’re hurt in love, it’s your lover’s responsibility to reassure you and help you feel better about the relationship. Well, that’s if your lover cares enough to see you happy. And likewise, it’s your responsibility to help your lover understand you and trust you when they feel threatened. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it stronger]

Even in a happy relationship that’s stood the test of time for several years, trust issues could crop up out of nowhere, especially when an attractive new friend or secrecy enters the romance.

Trust and the threshold of change in love

All of us have a threshold of change in a relationship. And it depends completely on how much we want the relationship to succeed.

When two people enter a new relationship, the two individuals have to create a new identity, and both of them have to be flexible and willing to compromise to fit into each other’s lives perfectly. But the extent to which one lover compromises for the other depends on how much they desire the other person. The less your lover compromises for you, the more you’d doubt their love for you.

You may love your partner a lot, but if you don’t trust them, you can never truly feel secure in the relationship. You’d always be wary about everything they do, and you’d always doubt their love for you.

Trust issues in a relationship can lead to depressions and intense frustrations. And the more frustrated you get, the harder you’d try to cling on to your partner in the fear of losing them completely, which can make you a clingy and controlling lover *and there’s nothing worse than that*. [Read: 12 signs you’re walking on eggshells in your love life]

10 reasons why you have trust issues in your relationship

There are many reasons why you may doubt your partner or have trust issues, but they usually fall under these 10 reasons.

#1 You think your partner lies to you very often.

#2 You think your partner lacks integrity. They’ve cheated on someone in an earlier relationship / You’ve cheated on someone and *knowing how easy it is to cheat* you assume your partner may be cheating behind your back too.

#3 You don’t know much about your partner’s life and what they do when you aren’t around.

#4 You don’t know your lover’s friends and their inside jokes which makes you feel insecure when they’re around.

#5 Your partner is secretive. *locks their phone or deletes their messages often*

#7 You’ve had bad experiences in love where an old lover has betrayed your trust.

#8 Your partner just doesn’t share details about their life with you as much as you share yours with them.

#9 Your partner gets furious when you intrude into their private space without their permission.

#10 Your lover flirts with others.

If you’re in a happy relationship that’s built on trust, these 10 reasons for trust issues may seem trivial. But if you’re insecure, even the smallest of these reasons could send you sulking to the corner of the room. [Read: 10 biggest problems in a relationship and ways to fix it]

Speak to your partner about it

Don’t be ashamed to let your partner see your weak side. Relationships are built on trust, and it’s important for your partner to know exactly how you feel. If something bothers you, don’t hide it even if it seems trivial or embarrassing.

If your partner loves you and wants you to be happy, they’d try to understand your concern and help you overcome your trust issues.

How to help your partner overcome their trust issues

Does your partner have trust issues in the relationship? If you’re having a hard time convincing your lover that you’re faithful and have no intentions of cheating on them, here are six ways to help that special someone in your life overcome their trust issues. [Read: 10 easy ways to make your jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous]

#1 Open up to your lover. Your partner may feel insecure in the relationship if they believe you don’t communicate well with them. If your lover asks you about something, don’t give abrupt answers or one-liners. Instead, communicate and have a conversation.

#2 Talk about your daily lives. Talk about your day, the little things you did and the people you interacted with. When your partner feels like they know what you’ve been up to when they weren’t around, it’ll help them feel more secure in love.

#3 Introduce your friends. Introduce your lover to your friends, especially the ones your partner feels threatened about. Let your lover bond with them so they feel like a part of your circle of friends. As long as your partner feels involved in your group of friends, they’ll feel less threatened by the attractive and touchy feely ones. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a girl friend who touches him a lot?]

#4 Show them you care. Shower your lover with compliments and reassuring words. Remind them just how much you love them and need them. Sometimes, your partner may feel insecure when they don’t hear those loving words often.

#5 Talk about your secrets. Revealing a few secrets can instantly bring two people close. It happens all the time, between friends and definitely between lovers too. When your lover feels like they know more secrets about you than anyone else, they’d feel more special and reassured.

#6 Don’t be aloof. Don’t get angry or annoyed when your lover unnecessarily craves for your attention. Your lover is frightened you’ll leave them. Think from their perspective, and if you truly care about keeping your lover happy, help them through this difficult period. [Read: The power of your words and how it can make or break your relationship]

How to get over your own trust issues

Do you find yourself frustrated and annoyed because you believe your partner’s too distant or doesn’t communicate enough with you? Talk to your lover and help them see the issues through your eyes. And once you’ve done that, use these five steps.

#1 Try to think from your partner’s perspective. What would you do if you were in their place? Be truthful to yourself and think rationally instead of judging them in haste.

#3 Speak out. Every evening, calmly tell your partner about every instance that day when you felt threatened or insecure. It’ll help your lover understand what upsets you, and at the same time, they can explain themselves to you too.

#4 Don’t repeat your lessons. If it bothers you that your lover is holding a friend’s hand while talking, talk to your partner about it. Tell them how you felt and ask them how they’d feel if you did the same thing.

If your partner helps you see their perspective and you get satisfied with their answer, that should be the end of the issue. The next time the same issue crops up, you should be able to deal with the issue yourself without asking your partner for an explanation all over again.

#5 Learn to reason with yourself. If you’ve followed these steps, and you’re still having a hard time getting over your trust issues, you really have some thinking to do. Is your partner trying hard enough to help you get over your insecurities? Or are you just not able to deal with your partner’s active social life even after they constantly reassure you? Or finally, are you in a relationship where you just can’t deal with the insecurities anymore? [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that most couples overlook]

Be patient and work together

Irrespective of who’s having trust issues, you or your partner, you need to know that it can’t be flattened out overnight. It takes time, sometimes a week or two, and sometimes even a few months.

Building trust back into a relationship takes a lot longer than the time it took to lose the trust.

But if your partner is just not able to overcome their trust issues no matter how giving you are or how willing you are to bend over backwards or spill out your entire life to them, perhaps it’s time to seek help from a friend or a professional, or walk away for good.

Almost always, a partner with serious trust issues could start off meek and sad, but turn into a demanding lover who orders you around all the time. Most controlling lovers start off by showing signs of insecurity, and no matter how much you give them, they’d always want more from you. [Read: 15 shocking and yet subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]

Use these steps to help your partner get better, but if you feel like this isn’t worth the effort, perhaps, your own happiness may be more important to you than the success of the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that though, it only helps you realize what’s more important to you.

Trust issues and the jigsaw puzzle of love

Not all relationships are built the same way. Some perfectly happy lovers are addicted to each other, while other perfectly happy lovers like keeping some space in between. Some lovers are monogamous, while others are swingers or live in open relationships.

So if you’ve used all these steps on how to get over trust issues in a relationship and still have a hard time getting over your insecurities, perhaps, the relationship you’re in isn’t the right one for you. You and your lover may be perfect individuals, but as a couple, both of you may not be the best fit in the jigsaw puzzle.

Sometimes, even two perfect individuals can’t create a perfect relationship no matter how hard they try.

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DISCUSSION

Holly

I have some serious trust issues in my life. It could be because of my father who cheated on my mom several times, or it could also be because of the bad boyfriends I’ve had. I’m just scared of completely revealing myself to any guy.

I’m dating this really nice guy who seems perfect for me. We’ve been dating for 2 years now, but I still can’t communicate openly to him. I end up lying all the time, sometimes for something as trivial as going out with my girlfriends. When he gets to know that I lied, he says he understands my need to lie because I have intimacy issues. But sometimes, I notice the frustration and disappointment in his eyes.

I get so hurt by my own behavior, but I just don’t know how to communicate with him. This article is really wonderful. It helped me understand the issues from both sides of the coin. I can understand what he sees and I can relate to my side too. I swear I’ll try to change, and make sure I use these steps mentioned here. If anything can help me, it’s advice from you guys. Wish me luck!

Jerrika

Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years, but in the first year he was engaging in some suspicious behavior, messaging girls on Facebook, looking up his exes, locking his phone ya know…. And I made it very clear to hime that I am not the kind of woman who finds that ok and will not be treated like that. He’s changed a lot and doesn’t even go on Facebook anymore but I have to say even after a bunch of improvements and committed a lot more, I still can’t find myself to be able to think that at any moment he is trying to talk to other girls or checking them out or wanting just more women, bacause of what he did when I thought we were really serious. I love him so much and like I said I have chosen to forgive him, but can you really ever fully forgive if you can’t forget?

joy

I was going through my boyfriend’s phone, his pictures precisely and then I saw this pictures of him and a girl, like 200 of them in his phone, they were together everytime and everywhere….I’m in a long distance relationship and seeing my boyfriend with another girl is fustrating…then he said they are just friends nothing more bt the pictures were just too much to handle, it eventually turned to a big fight…he is angry that I don’t trust him as much as he trust me…how can I reassure him of my trust for him….I love him, he’s the sweetest guy I know, he makes me laugh uncontrollably and I don’t want to lose him over this….pls advice me on what to do

p mac

hi I have a bad problem , someone hacked my facebook, then hooked a dating site up to it . that I used to go on to find a girlfriend, the hacker was saying hi to random girls acting as me, now my current girlfriend of over 12 months thinks that it was my doing, looking for another girl on the side .. what can I do to make her believe that it wasn’t me .. she doesn’t trust me anymore. please somebody give me sum advice, it’s going down the drain. p.Mac

Libann

My boyfriend and I have been together for only 3 months (almost 4) and we are in a long distance relationship. 2 days ago he told me about how the week before he always in the church parking lot and he saw a friend of his who is a girl and went over to talk to her. He told me that she kissed him and that she is a 35 year old woman that’s in the church choir (he is 19) before this happened I already had trust issues from other relationships but now it’s like crazy. I don’t even want him to go to church and I know I cannot keep him from that. He is an amazing guy and I do have some trust for him still. He told me that he swears on his life god strike him dead that nothing like that will happen again. He isn’t the type to share his feelings and nobody has ever saw or heard of him crying but the night he told me he was crying for nearly two hours. I truly love him and I think that we can over come this, but it doesn’t help that my best friend is telling me he’s horrible and disgusting and I need to break up with him. It hurts me when she tells. Me this and she also told me she thinks that they did more than a little kiss, but I don’t think my boyfriend is that type. She always has a problem with any guy I date. I just want to be over my trust issues or at least get to where I was before all this happened where I can be extremely happy and not just eh. Also, due to all the stress in these past couple weeks I found out yesterday that I miscarried my boyfriend and I’s baby. I just really need someone to help me figure out what to do to get where I can trust him again. He tells me everyday that he is willing to do anything to regain my trust but it just don’t know what to tell him! Please help!! 🙁

elizabeth

i have really bad trust issues what do i do as im have a baby as well with my husband i need help!!1

PaininTime

My girlfriend is amazing .. Couldn’t ask for a better girl .. I have trust issues that will literally destroy this relationship .. I get insecure and I think she’s lying all the time .. But I know she’s not . It’s hard to let go of these feelings because it’s your brain telling you what to feel.. I need to put more faith into her and I before I lose her .. Time to read this article a few more times and shapen up!

Bigjoemonger

All of these articles talk about overcoming issues in a relationship. My issue with these articles is that they all imply that one is actually in a relationship to begin with. How is that possible? I can’t even get to the point of having a bad relationship because nobody wants to be near me. And I have no idea why. I wish I could be in the bad situations that these articles talk about because my situation is so much worse.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be alone my entire life, no friends, no relationships, no family, nothing. There is nobody in this world that I can trust, that actually cares.

Cheyenne

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. I have trust issues like i do trust him i just cant help but think if he could ever get the chance to cheat he would and i know he wouldn’t hes defiantly not that kind of guy and he has shown it we were dating for like 18 days and he had already told me he wanted to get married and have kids. And i love him more than anything i just don’t know how to deal with my issues, I don’t trust any else but him, not my friends or even family its that bad. What do i do?

Nelly

I have been with my boyfriend for a while, and we have a healthy relationship, however i dont trust him. I was looking through this article and i really did relate to some of the info given. My boyfriend really loves me, however he has cheated on other girls quite a few times, and he states that he would never do it to me, however i know how hard it is to fight temptations. I really dont know what to do, worst of all is that he doesnt trust me either and tells me straight up every time i go out or something… any suggestions ?

Jen

I am hopeless.. My trust issues have gone so far that he is thinking of leaving now. I have a past relationship that has really hurt me psychologically. I don’t want to see a therapist, mostly because of the expense. We’ve been together for a year now, but I am scared to let him talk to other girls, even if he swears they are just friends. I have even made an effort to befriend one of them, she has a boyfriend, but I still feel insecure. During the year we’ve dated, there have been girls who have tried to get to him. I’m sure you’re well aware of Snapchat. A girl sent him a pic of her in her bra, knowing we were together. When we saw it, I was there when he opened it, and I saw the surprise in his eyes, the kind where he did not have any idea why she would send him that. He sincerely explained that he had no idea & blocked her. So for awhile we deleted Snapchat. We have it back now because I have tried to calm down, but I still check his account to make sure he isn’t sending snaps to other girls, in fear that there are many more bra pictures. Another night, I let him go to a carnival with his best friend, who later he hung out with at his home. His friend invited a girl over and that girl kissed my boyfriend out of no where. My boyfriend said he left right away, his friend says he was crying and he thought I was going to leave him. He has been sincere and honest, he trusts me, but he’s tired of my outbursts and my inability to trust that he will always push those girls away and not give in to them. How do I know that he won’t be like my past? How do I know he won’t hurt me? I don’t have any faith, and I don’t know where to go from here, all I know is that I couldn’t take it if he left. I need to do something and I need help before it’s too late. I don’t want to mess this up.

tra

I have always had trust issues but after having my son they became worse, im in a relationship now (not my sons father) and my insecurities are tearing us apart. he has never given me reason to believe his cheating yet i always think he is. i sometimes think i see him staring at other women and that tears me apart and leads to arguments. No matter what he says or does i always believe that hes going to hurt me. I guess my insecurities are due to the fact that i know how easy it is for a man to cheat due to me being the “other woman” for quite a few years. and to this day his gf/ now wife has never found out that we were together throughout their whole relationship. its something I’m not proud of but i was young and stupid. i know better now. but now im afraid that the same thing will happen to me and its ruining my relationship.

Gemma

I have insecurities and I hate it because I’ve pushed the one person I love so far she doesn’t want to be with me! That hurts because I have really fallen in love with her!!!! I know she’s done nothing wrong that’s the thing…. But my past which I know I shouldn’t bring into this relationship brought me down and belittled me into thinking I don’t deserve someone as perfect as her! She’s literally my world and my heart breaks with the fact I’ve pushed her away!!!! Literally just want her back! I wanted to propose to her next year damnit! Literally we’ve been through nothing but hell to be with one another and then I suffered with a back problem which meant I couldn’t train….. Then I was stuck in a ruck because that’s how I took my stress and anxiety too! Then I felt as though I weren’t good enough for her because my confidence went! Just want her back ????????????????