Contributors

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Another weekend...

This weekend was a long one - 3 days at home due to good friday and easter. Friday morning i wake up super late at 9.30 , sit idling with a cup of tea which amma thrust into my hands in between her busy breakfast making schedule.Normally i sit in that posture in the kitchen for about 30-45 min , still feeling drowsy bcoz of over sleeping and yet conversing with amma on what has been happening since last sunday (which is just about 5 days back).Breakfast can be as late as 11-11.30 , and after that i turn on the computer and try to see if anybody has scrapped me in orkut or in facebook or in somethingelse...Meanwhile a hi and a hello in gtalk or yahoo messenger from classmates and friends who are in different parts of the world...In between i get up and stroll around the house with ear phones plugged to my ears,amma says something,achan asks me about something , i nod absent mindedly , oblivious to whatever they say...Come lunch,tea or dinner i continue to remain in my own private world . And then when i take my pet dog out i am reminded of the fact that ammoomma should be waiting to see me ( she lives next door ,near to my uncle's place). Although i know how much she looks forward to seeing me, (she almost waits for fridays to come hoping i will go to her first thing i get home) i keep prolonging my visit.I dont know what it is , as much as i yearn for human company i tend to keep away from it as much as well...Friday and saturday gone thus , its saturday evening and i am chatting with a friend on gtalk...he tells me about a website his friend plans to build and in the midst of many such talks casually asks how had i spent my day and i tell him 'in front of the computer'.And then he asks me a weird question ...'Dont you feel guilty about it?' I am rather confused , i tell him 'Guilty ?why should i? this is the only option i have . Ever since my brother went off to Chennai i don't have anyone of my wavelength to converse with , so inevitably i turn to the computer' My friend retorts ' Well , we have had an argument at home today on this , my grand dad had this opinion that the present generation didn't care for human relationships...once back from office they are immediately glued to the televison . And talking about wavelength , he said that it was a silly little invention of ours , while they in their days knew how to get on well with anyone . Since then i have had this realization , dont you think its scary that cyber relations should bloom while blood relationships die a pre-mature death? ' Going thus he said he felt gulity , i for one told him that i dont even feel guilty...I felt envious of him that he is capable of feeling that emotion which nowadays seem alien to me...I broke off from the chat mocking at him saying i am signing out to take care of my blood relations , but deep within i knew he was right , after all i have known it all along...

The other day one of my colleagues had pointed out that when you smile at someone it should come from your heart and not an artificial made-up one and i wondered when had i really transformed into a living robot...Was it the IT field and its lifestyle or was it generic to the modern lifestyle? Sometimes when stress really gets to my head , i stop to wonder if this was what i had dreamt to become way back in my childhood dreams...Everything comes at a price , yes...but when you cease to be yourself , then whats the point in gaining anything else...There are so many things i had wanted to do than code and test applications 12-14 hours a day...my inner being refuses to give up on them and keeps reminding me that i ought to search for better options...