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“So, one night back in the fall semester, my roommate comes home from a toga party at the frat he was pledging at the time. Gets in having no idea how he got home, can barely remember who his date is, and is trying to get lucky. I asked if he has condoms and, of course, he doesn’t. So my ass has to get up and drive down to CVS to get the kind he likes for him.

On the way to CVS, I almost get hit by a truck. Motherfucker ran a red light and about took my ass out. After calming down for a second, I finally get to CVS and get the goods.

Eventually get back to the apartment. The doors unlocked so I just walk in. I yell out, “Hey fuckstick, I’ve got your…”

Before I can finish my sentence, I see my roommate on the couch, back facing me, arms spread on the back rest, naked. Right after that, the girl’s head pops up (Who’s also naked). She looks right at him and says, “I thought you said he was gone.”

“Oh, hey buddy!” my roommate drunkenly exclaims at me.

I just stand there for a solid couple of seconds. Then the laughter comes. I swear to god I thought I was going to die laughing. The whole while my roommate is laughing too, while his date is constantly apologizing. After I calm down, I just cover my eyes, throw the condoms at them, and go to my room, still laughing. He ask what the condoms are and I lose it again laughing and just shut my door.

All was quiet for about… 5 minutes or so. Then, imagine the noise that you hear when you put your finger in your mouth to make a popping noise. Now, imagine that but 5 times as loud. That noise comes from the living room and I start dying laughing again. Shes getting all worked up that I can hear and my roommate is just laughing his ass off again. After some shuffling around I hear his door open and close. Things got silent for a while, then the loud banging started. For all of 5 minutes. Then my roommate comes stumbling into my room in his boxers just laughing and asks me for the girls name.

“Found a bra in my boyfriends car that wasn’t mine. I pretended it was and said “I’ve been looking for this” when he dropped me off I called him and broke up. Wore it while doing his best friend. #winning”

“I was heading to a party with this girl I was flirting with a lot. She had a super nice face and tits, but when we grinded, she kept sliding my hands down her pants but pulled my hands out and teased me and wouldnt let me finger her or feel her up, so I said “f**k this” and started grinding with other bitches til I met this girl with a huge ass and I stayed with her. I ended up taking her into the bathroom and f*****g her in the shower. After I got her number I texted her a bit to meet up with me later that night bc her sex was on point. I then found out she was a twin sister with the girl I went to the party with. When I went to her place later her sister was there and jealous of her, so I told them to fight naked for me, I was joking but they did, we then proceed to have a brutally dirty threesome.”

“On my birthday I was walking with a girl and we started f*****g in an alley way. I stopped after a bit and said we had to go to her house. When we got to her house it was locked so we f****d in the back yard. Then we proceeded to walk to my house where we started fooling around then for some reason stopped but she could get her bra on. She then walked out to the living room with her tits out and ha step of my roomate attempt to put it on. Finally I got it to work and we went back to my room. She fell walking into my room and then pulled me on top of her. I grabbed her hair and turned her head to kiss her and her eating got caught in the carpet and ripped her ear! Best birthday ever!”

“so it was my birthday and I was downstairs having sex with my girlfriend (mom thought we were watching Netflix) after we finished instead of cuddling like normal we decided to put our clothes back on. About 30 seconds after we got our clothes back on my mom and sister sneak down with my birthday cake singing happy birthday. That was a close one #WayTooClose”

“My LDR girlfriend cheated on me halfway through 2015, I forgave her and we got back together. Final week of 2015, I could tell she was tired with the relationship and she actually broke up with me. On the 31St, she came back begging, claiming it was just a prank and wanted me to take her back. Should I? I don’t wanna go into the new year with someone who doesn’t care about my feelings”

“Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me right before the summer. Started sleeping around and had a great time, but never f****d them at my place. Just had the girl of my dreams over but couldn’t get it in because having a girl in my bed reminded me too much of sleeping with my ex. Damn, I need a drink.”

“Hooked up with a chick who told me the morning after that she had a boyfriend. I tracked the guy down to let him know his girlfriend is a cheater. They broke up, and I stopped talking to her. The ex and I are friends now; I just bought the man a round at the pub! Brofist.”