New Fifth Moon Discovered on Pluto Calls for Birth-Order Analysis

Exciting news for the whole galaxy: the Hubble Telescope discovered an additional moon orbiting the ersatz planet of Pluto. Previously featuring just four moons, Pluto now has five. But what do we know about fifth addition to the family Pluto?

According to The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, 2002’s most important psychological text with stock photographs of different hat genres on the cover, “When the fifth child comes on the scene the Fourth Born ignores him, hoping with all her heart to be able to pass on the feeling of being unwanted. So the Fourth Born does not respond to the fifth child, does not play with the fifth child, or interact with him. Without interaction with the Fourth Born the fifth child, by default, develops the personality of an Only Child.”

In a way, then, Pluto’s fifth moon is its only moon. But in a larger way, it is not. What are its siblings like? “Pluto’s other four moons are Charon, Nix, Hydra, and P4,” the Associated Press reports. “Charon is by far the largest. . . The new moon looks a lot more like P4 than Charon.” The new moon looks like P4 but has the personality of Nix, the short temper of Hydra, the athleticism of Charon, the peanut allergy of P4, and the beatific singing voice of no one else in the universe.