And now, from the man who brought you "How to Operate Your Home on a Budget," "Sex Problems of Young People," and "Tests for Husbands and Wives," comes "Sex Differences Between Men and Women & Nagging Wives"!!!

Join Dr. Crane as he assists women with their sexual dissatisfaction by kindly reminding them to stop being a nag and start openly asking for the "violence and physical beatings" they so clearly desire:

Woman will subconsciously try to irritate their husbands into laying their hands upon them. They crave physical contact even if they must provoke the husbands to anger. They don't always want a complacent type of man across the table. They often want he-man contact.

The Taming of the Shrew is an excellent case in point. These shrews can be made into loving, devoted mates if they are fed caresses and satisfactory sexual indulgences.

They crave caveman tactics. More husbands have lost their wives entirely through meekness than through violence and physical beatings administered to women.

But that's a story for another time. The real show today is the "100-Point Behavior Test For Teen-Agers," where teens are asked to rate their typical, everyday behavior as separated into behavioral merits and demerits by none other than Dr. Crane himself!

Are you sassy? Demerit! Can you typewrite by the touch system? Merit! So, as you can see, this system is flawless.

Some behaviors count for more. "Regular church attendance" is a 10 point merit, while showing prejudice is a demerit of five, meaning going to services is worth twice as much hatred as you can muster. But "Illicit sexual relations" will sink you for twenty, which is interesting: in '53, doin' it was four time worse than racism.

I have yet to take this "test" but I'm guessing what with my persistent sass, use of profanity, inconsistent bed-making, and the fact that I don't currently teach a Sunday School class probably means I'm a harlot and to that I say, "But, but I can typewrite by the touch system! I play a musical instrument! I, I, I...am fine with being called a harlot by a man who thinks women secretly want men to beat them up."