Tuesday, May 29, 2007

i'm sure nobody else on earth watched the ex wives club (a new tv show on abc) last night, and probably for good reason.

at first it seemed like it would actually be kind of ok. the premise is these 3 ex-wives help these people who have been hurt by exes move on with their lives. parts of it seem pretty empowering...they learn to forgive and move on with their lives. this is all fine and dandy, except it must not make very good tv because during one woman's recovery process all of the ex wives help in dropping her exes car from an airplane. not sure if this is therapeutic or just psychotic.

i can't believe that i was bored enough to watch that entire show. an hour of my life i can never get back.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

RED CARPET SPECTACULAR - Yeah, I watched it. Jennifer Hudson -- this first thing this ridiculous Dorothy Lucey (plus one other nobody and someone who i think used to be jillian barberie) says to j. hud is "You're skinny!" Idiot. How did these 3 musketeers get this job? Things get awkward. They shuffle j. hud out of the way for simon. this is so awkward. god it would be awesome if jordin lost. just for the look on her face this will all be worth it. randy jackson is on fuckin' ecstasy. during blake's interview, randy, is basically like 'oh blake, you're gonna lose, but you'll definitely have a record out.' why is teri hatcher always on american idol? this is so awkward!! taylor hicks and teri hatcher should have a news show together. paula's like 'shut up about the nose!' 'NO i'm NOT in pain, i'm HIGH! weeeeeeeeeee!' also, she's turning into robin, founder of the pussycat dolls. zac efron's appearance is totally scripted. these jokers wouldn't have recognized him. and zac's not a great actor. Melinda!!! Ok, this crap is finally over. Onto the show!!FINALE - HOUR 1 - 12:15am. Sanity Level 5 (10 is crazy)Paula is WASTED! gwen stefani is all over idol too! was idol purchased by stefani and hatcher inc? kelly clarkson! golden idol awards! why? just make the show an hour. margaret fowler makes me so so sad. top 6 boys perform. who dat black boy? smoky! we have a guy that does our phone stuff at work named smokey. i wish you guys could see him. I wonder if doug e. fresh's kid trashed their greenroom. The song with him and blake was pretty cool. top 6 girls - why don't we see malinda until she introduces gladys knight? after the performance, melinda and gladys make out. i'm so nervous that tony bennett will have a heart attack during this performance. this amanda and antonelle package is hilarious!! clap for the special kid and the bush baby. oh melinda! i love you!! blake and jordin get mustangs. carrie underwood performs. we're 2 for 5 so far. what the shit is this bullshit award, CLIVE. stop wasting my time! hour: something, sanity level: 7. screaming african children just ran onstage. it was as though they've been storing these children behind that moving backdrop since idol gives back and now they've been released and are performing their song of freedom for us. ugh. why are we still giving sanjaya attention! i fall asleep in the middle of green day's performance and wake up right before the end of it, but i'm pretty sure the whole time i was sleeping, they were repeating the same line. taylor hicks comes out. 3 for 5. ruben, number 4, comes out with jordin for a duet because he's boring by himself. they should get together and have huge fucking babies. oh hey, bette midler. how old is she these days? the wind beneath paula's wings is oxycodone. jerry springer = '07's hasselhoff aka c to d level celebrity caught crying after a performance. God how LONG is this show? Surprise surprise, jordin wins. you can tell she's been practicing her surprised face all day.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I don't really care. I remember the time when i realized that although the top 6 were all really talented, I knew once Melinda was out, I wouldn't really care. I only want Blake to win because I really don't like Jordin. Jordin has a better voice, but Blake, I think, is more talented.

Randy = Sgt. PepperOh, and i read TWoP's recap of last week's show and the randy johnson thing melinda said has been clarified.

-I bet there is one person devoted to controlling Paula's mic because of all the painkillers she's legitimitely on now. whoever it is is slacking on bringing it up in time.

Blake - you give love a bad name. Jordin - fighter. bad choice of song on jordin's part. terrible and screechy performance. good on blake for going with his love it or hate it remake from bon jovi week. great performance. blake gets round 1.

-- Paula thinks this is one of the best finales? I don't agree. I haven't cared less about a finale since Ruben and Clay. And i didn't even watch that season! Although I do think blake is the best male finalist so far. In terms of appeal. Specifically, to me.

Song 2 -- Blake - she will be loved. Jordin - a broken wing. at the beginning of her performance, i thought jordin was alright, but then it turned into everything that i hate about her singing. i bet the judges will love it though.

Song 3 -- Songwriter's competition. "This is my now" They introduce us to the writers so we know who to send the hate mail to if the song sux. it seems like blake wants their address, because he hates the song and it shows. Jordin performs it better...no surprise there since it was basically written for her. i was kind of pissed about this. while blake was singing it i was thinking how bad it was with him singing and how jordin was probably going to knock it out of the park. they couldn't have picked two songs? I think the people that love Jordin will think this performance was the greatest ever. but the same things i hate about her voice are in here too.

Honestly, I think this is Jordin's win. Score one for the Amazonians. I'm still rooting for a blake upset though. that would make my life!

eyeliner mcbaldy comes back to play us out. with the song we hear every frickin week.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Paula Abdul tripped over her dog earlier and broke her nose. Hilarious by itself, even more hilarious when you think about how she doesn't have to hide the fact that she's on painkillers for the finale, because she has a valid excuse to be ca-razy this week! Bring on Wasted Paula!!

Monday, May 21, 2007

not that this really applies, but...i was inspired by jacklyn smith's hair on shear genius so much that i got my hair cut just like hers! i brought pictures of her and to the hairstylist...and then the hairstylist shit her pants when i told her that jacklyn smith was 61...and then i shit my pants when i saw that my hair looked so good!

1) in addition to placing my bets on jaslene last week, at the top of the episode when they showed the picture (that they fade everyone out of) of the final three, i said aloud "Jaslene is in the winner position."2) CoverGirl commercial. At this point, I figured natasha would probably not win because we know how covergirl likes their girls to have as little accent as possible. renee doesn't have one and jaslene's is probably easier to train away than nata. 3) caridee shows up and jaslene poops a brick. #1 fan! she gives the girls advice. you know, since she's been a top model all of half a year. 4) they have to improvise the commercials this year and they all suck. seriously, you thought those commercials couldn't get any worse?! also, for the photo shoot, they usually have the girls all do the same pose, but they changed it up this year. i think renee had the best shot, but she does look old.5) first elimination: renee gets cut. I was definitely shocked, but renee was the most shocked of all. oh yeah, and some creepy-looking australian duo (sass & bide - the FIRST australian duo to show in NY's Fashion week. with blond hair. on a tuesday) are guest judges. oh yeah and the runway show will be their collection. they remind me of waldorf and that other muppet balcony guy. they also look like they are being puppeteered by the same person. does puppeteered really have that many e's?6) renee gets one more Renee Two Faced Jab in as she's leaving by telling Natasha to 'win this for the mamas." even though just last week she was friends with jas and hatin' on natasha. 7) i think natasha just threatened her nameless baby's happiness if she doesn't win. Sign that baby up for therapy then. (spoiler alert)8) crazy runway show - evolution of woman. or something. honestly, the least exciting fashion show in recent cycles. caridee will start the show off. i really expected more from jaslene. natasha loses a skirt and a hair ball during the show. 9) America's Next Top Model, 8th in line is: JASLENE!! Hooray!!10) First latina winner! represent!! Also, jaslene and i looked very similar circa age 5. if only i had height!

Umm. Ben shows up to the shortcuts challenge wearing a full ninja outfit. I want to call him Benny Ninja.

If you mix Gerard Depardieu, Steve Irwin, Meredith Grey and autumn, you get Jose Eber, the guest judge this week and celebrity hair stylist extraordinaire.

The contestants pair up to recruit people to get haircuts at a shopping mall. They can charge whatever they want and must keep a record of their sales. Tyson chooses Tabatha and then pairs Ben and Boogie together and Anthony and Daisy.

Quote of the day: "I don't even like walking up to girls in a bar. Drunk. Much less in a ninja outfit and sober." - Ben, who i am starting to love.

Boogie and Ben get a lot of clients at around 10 to 20 bucks each. Anthony and Daisy go for the 30 dollar range and tab and tyson are around $60 or $70. Tab and Tyson win with a total of $790. Even though they had less customers, they reamed the ones they had.

For the elimination challenge, the stylists must remain in the same teams. A whole team will be eliminated. This week, the challenge is bridal do's. They must do a bride, a mother, and a maid of honor within the two hours. Boogie is kind of a bitch to ben the whole time and is really just mean to his face. and ben takes it! anthony gets to see up close why daisy is awesome and more than just a chatty cathy. tab respects tyson professionally, but still hates him as a person.

Anthony and Daisy do a wonderful job and guarantee themselves the top spot this week. Tabatha might get herself in trouble by mouthing off to the judges about how much she hates tyson. and...yes, she does. tyson and tabatha are sent home!! Its shocking because they are both scads better than boogie and ben as stylists. i guess past work really has nothing to do with the decision here and it's all challenge based. makes it hard to pick a winner, i'd say.

Friday, May 18, 2007

So i just saw this preview for an upcoming show on cbs. It's called "Kid Nation" and basically, 40 kids are dumped into some old west style ghost town in New Mexico and they have to create a society with a council and classes and jobs and shit. oh man, in the preview clip i saw there were at LEAST 6 kids breaking down in tears. I'm wicked excited. Am i alone in this?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

JORDAN'S PACKAGE (DIRTY!) - Jordan blah blahs for so long in detail describing what we are ABOUT TO SEE-shot from behind @ auditorium - Giantess' view-she is scared of this pack of children chasing her. legitimately scared. -i think bff baylie is her gayle. baylie the gaylie. -Haha. Ryan fools her. bitch thought she was safe because she was first up.

These idols challenges are RIDICULOUS! i wouldn't be proud to be honored on television for not only taking the question seriously, but calling in to answer.

BLAKE PACKAGE - Blake is adorable-Woah. Fat kid. I love you like a fat kid loves Blake. -Blake has a wonderful dad. -Things get awkward when ryan makes multiple attempts to bounce blake's daddy off the stage.

Elliot Yamin - I love him! Can I still vote for him? I think he got veneers. Elliot steals the show from Ryan. I don't like how Seacrest words the tease for Melinda's package -- "Melinda goes home!"

MELINDA'S PACKAGE - Melinda sighs and twin koalas are born.

Maroon 5 performs. did the lead singer always look like this?

Jordin is first through. Melinda goes home. What. the fuck. This is some bullshit. Vote for Blake!

OMG. So, on Fox, at 10pm every night, the intro into the news is "It's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" So last night, they had Phil Stacey make the announcement. Well if that wasn't bad enough, he was in way heavy makeup and he was wearing his navy sailor suit. it is SO pedophilic!!! Who okayed this?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Night of Threes! Three Contestants! Three Songs Each! Three Judges! Three more episodes! umm...Three...some...

ROUND 1 - JUDGE'S PICKJORDIN - Simon picks "Wishin on a Star" for Jordan. My brother and I wish that she rocked Rose Royce's headpiece from the original vid:

this is my favorite performance from jordin, but that's not saying much because i usually hate them. but she only did that thing i hate with her throat once. (when she's jumping a lot of notes, she makes this weird annoying sex sound with her throat) She KILLS ME when she says she'd never heard this song before though. ugh. you have a lot to learn little big one. BLAKE - Paula chooses "Roxanne". Nice choice, P. Blake does well with it. Good on them. MELINDA - I think there should be a tv show where different mayors and governors from across the land read faxes penned by Randy Jackson. And did Melinda call him Randy Johnson? Randy picks a Whitney. Yipes! Aside from a couple small moments, she effing nails it. **My girl wins Round 1

ROUND 2 - PRODUCER'S PICKJORDIN - (Works Hard for the Money) Admits to loving Hanson's "MmmBop". She uses the excuse that she's 17. Considering that song is like 10 years old, that is not a valid excuse. Also, I hate her. Paula & Simon are cracking up about an accidental hooker joke Paula made. Jordin doesn't get it. BLAKE - (This Love) haha. A question from Nancy. Shouldn't that be for? O Chasquido!MELINDA - (Nutbush City Limits) Melinda is awesome. **Round 2 - Tie. Between whom? I'm guessing Melinda & Jordin. Randy gives it to Melinda.

ROUND 3 - CONTESTANT'S PICKJORDIN - (I Who Have Nothing) Yeah, whatever, it was good. Why does Jordin always laugh when Simon criticizes her? Jordin really effin ruins her chances here by snottily pointing out that Simon's criticizing her for giving her a 60 year old song when he gave her a 30 year old song. Naive idiot-brat. His pick wasn't old-fashioned. And she could've done something cooler with it than she did. Her pick will always be old fashioned. BLAKE - (When I Get You Alone) nice performance. what more can i say. this is a lot of songs to go through. MELINDA - (I'm a Woman) Nice. This was one of my favorite Melinda performances, so I'm glad she chose to do it again. Simon gives Melinda some award saying how great she is. It's from all of us. I didn't get a chance to sign the card though.

HOMETOWN LOVE - Blake performs with Sir Mix A Lot, Jordin gets a star at the mall (lame!) and Melinda gets a street named after her (Sweet!)

I think this is a Melinda/Jordin race. If anything hurt Jordin tonight, it was that sass she gave Simon. Melinda forever!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

sometimes on the commute to work in the morning i like to read a book, sometimes i like to silently hate the people sitting around me, sometimes i buy a cup of coffee and then accidentally spill most of it into my purse…and sometimes, when I am particularly desperate – I read the metro (a free newspaper they hand out at the subway stations). Boy was i glad i had nothing else to read a couple weeks ago, because this ad is amazing!

The other day, we here at the cooler than stupid blog got about 130 hits. i was so excited for us!!! But guess what i discovered after searching a little deeper? Maggie Gyllenhaal!! Foiled again by Maggie Gyllenhaal!! Apparently, some other website has linked the one picture we have of Mags and making it look like we are more popular than we actually are. You won't fool us again, Gyllenhaal! Next time you're caught breastfeeding your baby in public, you better believe we'll prepare for the onslaught of oglers. you better believe it indeed.

i'm normally not one to name drop really because, you know, it's tacky. But, in this situation, it's necessary. Worlds collided for me yesterday, with a clash of reality corner starz.

the show i work on has celebrity guests every now and again. Yesterday, we had two; the normal weekly idol castoff that we get as well as one of my heroes (who...was slightly disappointing. word of advice - try not to meet your heroes.) So, side note -- LaKisha Jones is kind of amazing and it's sad that we didn't get to see too much of her personality on Idol because that show really made her seem like a dud. And she's nothing like that.

Ok, so I go out to greet my hero, amy, and she steps out of the car with a fellow who introduces himself as Jim. This fellow looks really familiar to me but i'm assuming it's her rep, so the context i'm placing him in doesn't logically meet up with what i'm seeing him as. we walk in and he asks me if there is a place that he can touch her up. So i'm like "okay, he's not her rep. i was right. This guy was totally on Shear Genius." (unfortunately, he was eliminated before SG was inducted into Reality Corner, so unless you watch the show, you won't know who he is...) So, then i'm overcome by the need for confirmation. We're all hanging around waiting for amy to go on camera and i say "excuse me, jim?" and he says "yes, sweetheart?" and i say "Umm...Were you on Shear Genius." To which he said "yes", laughed, and added "Shear LOSER!!" So i said something like 'oh no, you were great! you went too early!' -- which...who knows if that was true, i can't even remember that far back. but he graciously accepted that with a "Oh, thank you!!" and we are now bff. ok, not true, but he's definitely the nicest celebrity hair/makeup person i've ever met and we did a lot of arm-grabbing with each other.

The only thing that could've completed the day was if I walked into the greenroom at the end of the show and tyra was in there nibbling on some wings.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Part of my daily morning routine is to comb through the day's news stories and pick out funny or crazy stories. Today, in addition to seeing the cutest little tiny baby tiny little twin koalas (named Amanda and Michelle -- one can only hope this is a conscious ANTM reference), I came across maybe the best headline ever.

First, the story: Basically, in Germany it was ruled that bald men don't have the right to state-funded wigs, which are intended for women and minors.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

My girl Tab does a wonderful job. She's joined in the top by Dr. Boogie -- master clipper. Tabatha gets to choose her look for the elimination challenge first, and then assign the remaining looks to everyone else. Kristophe (baono) is the accented judge for the shortcuts challenge. I think ben also does a great job here.

They all seem to struggle at first when trying to figure out their concepts. I think Daisy does an incredible job. Tyson also does well -- they both make up the top 2. I think Anthony, Ben and Tabatha all did a good job, but could've stepped it up a little. In my opinion, Boogie and Dana were the worst, but the judges felt it was Danna and Anthony. I liked both, so i was a little bummed...but someone's gotta go.

I didn't know who should go here. They're both really talented and have crazy accents. Danna's hairstyle was worse, but she's won a lot of challenges. Anthony's shown good work and he's really hot. Everyone left is really good, so it's really anybody's guess who's gonna go next week -- it all depends on the challenge. This week, it's Danna.

*** I caught some of this season's earlier episodes on VH1's cycle 8 marathon today and it was kind of crazy to see everyone knowing what i know now. If only I could warn my past self. It was amazing.

Previously: Brittany's fug complaining ass was sent home.

1) Natasha has...like phone sex with her husband. but she might have misinterpreted this as well because i think she actually has sex with the phone. 2) It doesn't seem to have hit the girls that they were headed to the finals what with their lack of interest in putting any effort in the challenge and later Natasha's zero effort at the shoot due to a cold. 3) Dionne has now told us that she neither dances with nor kisses her boyfriend. I really wished Wholahay came out for this. She would've been perfect for the aboriginal challenge. 4) Renee wins and shares her prize with Jaslene. They get loaded with pearls. Renee thinks "Point me to the nearest pawn shop! No more beach-dwelling husband for me!"5) Dionne, Jaslene, and Renee go out (Natasha is sick) and plot to get rid of Natasha. Also, they're eating like, lemons...or oranges...off of a silver platter, but at one point it really looked like Dionne was presenting Jaslene with a silver trayful of blow.6) These bitches are hilarious about the dancing! They each have to tell a story through different dances (or something) in their photo shoots. Jaslene secures her place in the finals with her shot. Dionne fixes her scowl eventually and I think produces a really nice picture. Natasha is a huge baby about being sick. She does not try at all. Even after Jay laid it down on the line for her (twice). she doesn't even have what danielle had and dani gave a great shot on top of an elephant. nata just looks awkward and has a really bad photo. it was like how bad she was in the beginning. Renee kills this shoot. Jay even calls one of her shots "glorious". 7) For the first time all season, they bring back the judging challenge. and it's just because it's time to get catty. they ask each girl who they think has the most and least potential. dionne, like every other girl who has gone first with this question and gotten screwed by it, does not answer herself as most potential. every other girl does. all but natasha say natasha has the least. natasha says giselle bundchen has the least potential. those crazy foreigners!8) twiggy thinks everyone is jealous of each other. 9) judges say: dionne is not a top model, jaslene only gives one look, renee is old-looking. and remember when everyone hated her? and that natasha is the second coming, but let's give her a scare. 10) renee is first in the finals. jaslene is second. bottom two - natasha and dionne. dionne goes home :( oh snap, and she doesn't hug natasha back. for the first time in a while, any of the three girls left have a very good shot at taking this competition. i'm putting my bets on jaslene.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Ok, first of all, American Idol, we're totally onto you. You can't try to fool us with your camera tricks and screen magic and make us think that Pink performance was live, because it wasn't. We all know Pink taped a performance for Idol Gives Back and it was cut for time. We all know that you rolled that tape in and Seacrest gave a really terrible acting performance when it came to "Thank you PINK!" and she "responded" with an angry head nod. We noticed the suspicious absence of post-performance chat. Expect to see that one Gwen Stefani performance that was also cut from IGB next week, hyped as a live performance. don't insult us like this.

Second of all, RYAN. YOU AREN'T STRAIGHT. It's really effing sad that he puts on this whole dog and pony show about how he loooovesss girls and 'oh my god my fantasy is coming true because jessica alba is here!' seacrest, please. you couldn't be more original? jessica average is (inexplicably) every straight dude's number one, but even if you were straight ryan, she really wouldn't be your type. again, don't insult our intelligence. if anyone needs further proof of ryan's homosexuality, think back the the man on the street interviews he was doing. remember when he was asking people who they thought should go home and one chickenhead said 'blake' and ryan completely flipped his shit about it? don't talk about his boyfriend like that. now that chris is gone, ryan's got blake all to himself.

So, results. i'm gonna act like it all happened at once because, honestly, i ff'd through b. gibb's performance. so, for me, it kind of did. Jordin is first to be saved. no surprise there. melinda is next. no surprise a'tall. Between Blake and LaKisha, I knew it would be LaKisha. Simon and Ryan knew it would be LaKisha. Paula knew where her pills were this week. LaKisha knew it would be LaKisha. Seriously, like, from the beginning of the hour, LaKisha knew it would be LaKisha. So it's LaKisha who goes home. No surprise there. What was surprising was that i shed like, 2 tears during her video. everyone was crying! i didn't want to be left out.

umm, so a lot of people have a lot of theories. i think melinda for sure will be in the top 2. i don't want to make a guess just yet before the performance about who the other will be. I think...because i really dislike Jordin and I feel like she's experiencing somewhat of a backlash and so many people are saying she'll win, i want her to be the first out. but, blake has also really needs to save himself with the performances...so really, i think it's up in the air.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I know we've all had moments when we feel like we have no one to turn to, no one to talk to. Sometimes, you just want advice from someone who doesn't know you on a personal basis, someone that's detached from your life and can help you look at things in a different light. Recently, I've found this person, and she's really helped me through a lot of tough times. I thought it'd be too selfish of me to keep this amazing woman to myself, so i'll share the address with all of you. as a gift, to help you just keep on truckin'.here you go (you're welcome):This will change your life

This lady, whom i'll call Melba, really ruffled my feathers this morning. And since Subway Spotlight is ever expanding, I thought it would be appropriate to highlight her here. This morning, I step onto a crowded F train and head to work. i find myself a nice pole to hang on to (dirty!) for the ride. about two stops later, Melba gets on and stands next to me, sharing the pole. then approximately two more stops later, two seats clear up next to my pole, so i take the better seat (aka not the middle) and melba sits next to me (aka in the middle). maybe 2 seconds after i sit, melba grabs my arm and says to me "can you turn that down?" i look at her with the most confounded look (even though she only got half of it, since i was wearing my cool shades) because, whilst listening to my ipod, the volume is at a level that's just loud enough to hear over the train. and i was pretty sure that i hadn't brought my 80's-style boombox on my shoulder today. There was no way she would've been able to hear the 'pod unless she was that kind-of butch mechanic lady that got killed on Heroes. So i'm looking at her all cornpoozedly, she's looking at me all expectantly like "why are you looking at me like that? i can demand whatever i want since i'm sitting bitch" we kind of have a stare off for about 3 seconds until her gaze slowly drifts up to the dude that had also been sharing the pole with us whence we were all standing. and then she says "oh! it's not you! sorry!"inexplicably, even after i said 'no problem' i was still steaming about it. i don't really know why. but i got over it when, several minutes later,a softer song came on my 'pod and i could hear Third Dude's music over the train and over my own music. and he was sitting across the aisle. the end.

i'm gonna go ahead and be a post machine today even though for some reason, the comments have stopped...and really its the comments that keep me and becca going. :( i guess i'll forgive everyone this time, but comments really help me decide what to keep in reality corner...and just remember, everytime a post goes uncommented on, a baby bunny's ears fall off.

Mentor: Barry Gibb Theme: Songs of Barry Gibb

Ok, we have 3 girls and one boy left. Each contestant has two songs tonight. Barry Gibb, I think is missing a very important part of his mustache. It's like the opposite of a Hitler mustache. Picture it. Looks weird, right?

MELINDA (1) - I really think Melinda can do anything..for example, the way she takes the judges' criticism -- unlike Jordin, who was way annoying about it last week. Or Chris who got mad. Or Phil who just ignores the judges' opinions and basically mouthkissed the audience. BLAKE (1) - this first song is weird for me. blake takes the judges well also. LAKISHA (1) - Bad marks on this first song. Takes it like a man though. Everyone's being great about the criticism tonight. JORDIN (1) - annoys me at least 4 times before she even performs. MELINDA (2) - brings it back with #2.BLAKE (2) - just not doing it for me tonight. and 'vocal entendre [Lewis 2007]' overkill. blake turns the flirt on for what could be his last chance at seacrest.

OK, then there's this weird part where Ryan introduces Judge Judy and it seems like she was just supposed to stand there, but the fame got to her head and she made it like this weird skit thing... but basically they need to stop giving people mics if they don't want them to do more than just stand. it's quincy and the color purple all over again. Poor Simon's mom got totally overlooked.

LAKISHA (2) - better than her first at leastJORDIN (2) - Boring. and Fake. and ugh. kinda bad. So the judges don't love this performance either and when simon criticizes her, she responds with a weird fake overeager smile that looks like she's baring her fangs. then, she makes a really immature face.

I think Melinda is safe. Not sure about how it will play with the other 3. I think that Lakisha will definitely be in the bottom. and just because he had two negatively reviewed performances, i'll say blake is with her. I would also just like to take a minute to say "go america" for a top four of 3 not-skinny bitches and a probs gay dude. go us.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Previously: Jael was kicked out but is still spreading the light somewhere.

I feel in harmony with the world, what with people finally turning on Jordin on Idol, and now the world hating Brittany as I do. But I get ahead of myself.

1) when did renee become jael's #1 fan? also, the girls are mad at britters for using her fake drama and sacrificing jael in the process. dionne gives voice to MY FUCKING THOUGHTS EXACTLY, noting brittany's enthusiasm for the acting challenge (where they also had to memorize) and complete 180 for the aussie commercials. 2) brit seems like a huge nerd. and turns the annoying dial to 11 this episode.3) natasha's super confidence might not be that cute anymore 4) dionne keeps asking to keep shit at the go-sees. which was hilarious, then a little bit annoying. i got worried that she'd get called out for it. 5) ok, so, natasha returns at 4:31. which as we know by this cycle, is way too late. she's disqualified. then brit comes a few minutes later and throws a FIT! doesn't even go in. sees natasha waiting and just starts crying. and screaming. and blaming the cab driver (and we are reminded in a flashback that it's not the driver's faul at all. take some fucking responsibility brit) even though she's the idiot here. so she looks REALLY stupid. the judges of the challenge can hear her having a fit and it was at this point that i realized that my dream might actually come true. later she's bitching to renee and she's like "i was ONE MINUTE LATE!" and renee is all 'actually, natasha was one minute late. you were a few minutes after her." And the best thing of all?? None of the designers said they would book brittany. hahahahahaha!6) Jaslene barely makes it back in time but is totally hilarious once they realize natasha and brittany are late. natasha shows up and when whatshername says she's late she goes "no, i'm not" but then takes it like a man. she rightly tries to put brit in her place basically by saying she's overreacting. in her words, "there are wars in other countries" Jaslene wins the challenge, shares the booty with Dionne. They take awesome peekchas with nigel on a bridge. 7) photo shoot - a shot for a men's magazine and then women's. with sexy dudes. tyra's the photog for the women's mag, some other dude for the men's. i have a theory that tyra isn't a good photographer because -- why are all her pictures in sepia? I bet she sucks at composition. this batch especially looks super photoshopped. they all do well for the most part. 8) brit-t-t-t: "i don't think i'll be in the bottom 2 again because i think i did a damn good job!" FOOL!9) bottom 2 => dionne and brit. i was really nervous here because i thought for sure since brit got so much negative face time this episode that they were trying to throw us off and i woulda been angry if dionne was out before brit. but alas, the writers were important after all and brit gets the boot. FINALLY!!! i literally jumped up and down, fists in the air, when it happened. 10) unfortunately, i think d is out next week at this rate. it seems like renee is in the lead now with natasha hot on her heels. jaslene is returning to form and stepping up her game again. the editors must be doing something right because i've forgotten to hate renee anymore.

I love Tabitha. I'm fond of Donna and Anthony. I think it's the accents of these three that really get me. I appreciate Daisy's work, but I can see how she might get too talky. I don't know yet where I stand on Ben. I think he's supposed to be the Sebelia of this bunch. Neck tat and all.

I don't like Tyson. or Dr. Boogie. Because. Really. You're gonna wear the same bandanna in a variety of colors every single day AND make people call you doctor? Evangeline is alright, but she's way annoying.

Donna wins the shortcut challenge.

ROWR. There's a catfight about hedge trimmers. Damn. Uh oh. The Tab brings it up to the host and guest judge...maybe taking it too far, but seriously, girl was getting ridiculous about those hedge trimmers. nothing really gets resolved.

Challenge - Red Carpet Hairdo for Vanessa Williams

God, this Rene dude has such a hard time with English. Is that his name? Did I make that up? I also kind of can't stand his catchphrase "Go shake it!!" He's no Tim Gunn.

My girl V is the guest judge. Top 2 this week are Daisy and Danna (winner). Bottom 2 are Ben and Evangeline. Evangeline and her hedge trimmers go home this week. But not before a way too long and awkward goodbye speech. See you next week, when maybe I will feel more confident about predictions...

Thursday, May 03, 2007

So, some stuff happens, and then someone makes some crack about how Simon is a puppetmaster and Paula is a puppet or something and then Ryan says "oh but you're prettier" which both Simon and I immediately take as an insult to Simon's girlfriend. So Simon gets all mad and then Ryan is like "I wasn't talking about your girlfriend" and then Randy says "Fiance!" and it's all very confusing to me. Sooo, then a few minutes later, Ryan is asking LaKisha what it's like to kiss Simon and she's all "i'd do it again!" So then Ryan says that she should back off because Simon has a girlfriend and "they are in a very serious relationship." So then Simon genuinely cracks up for a really long time. I wish i were in on that joke, because it seemed like it was pretty funny.

Robin Thicke performs. Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son, and I can definitely see that. But it looks like Orlando Bloom might be his mother. He sings in falsetto but is way too preppy to pull of the timberlake r&b vibe, so the whole thing makes me a little uncomfortable.

Then some more stuff happens. And then we're at the first threesome. Melinda. Phil. LaKisha. Melinda SAFE!! LaKisha SAFE!! YES! NOSPHILATU HAS BEEN VANQUISHED!! THE NEEDIEST VAMP IN TOWN!! SUNLIGHT HAS RISEN ON YOU OL' BOY!! phew. okay sorry. one down. During his performance, Phil basically fondles everyone in the audience. Ick.

The Idol Challenge is...like...are you serious??

The Next three up are Jordin, Chris, and Blake. Ryan immediately tells Jordin to sit. Well, at least the world knows now. We break for a performance by Bon Jovi (which i was surprisingly entertained by) while 2 different groups of girls across the country prepare to have their hearts broken. Umm...guys, Blake and Chris are totally doing it. And Chris is out. Sad, but expected. Until next time!!

JORDIN - The Jove immediately hates Jordin as I do because the first thing she says to him is that her mom loves him. Ouch! Ugh!! This SUCKS. And if the judges don't think so, then there's definitely a conspiracy going on. FINALLY!!! YES!!! THEY AGREE!!! OH SIMON!! oh man. she's being so annoying about receiving the bad comments.

BLAKE - Bon Jovi seems to be near tears that Blake is changing the arrangement for his beloved song. Woah. Blake has dark hair. Simon is totes right about this when he says half of the audience will love and half will hate.

Hobo Ryan says: hunkabunka. do me.

CHRIS R - Cutie!!Bon Jovi is so skeptical about almost all of the contestants.

Hobo Ryan says: This boy outta here.

MELINDA - Before I watched the show, I saw this part on a tv across the way at the gym and without my contacts I thought they had brought Gina back. Melinda is everything wonderful.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

whoever owns the domain name www.awesome.com should really get spoken to because seriously - with awesome as the domain name you'd expect the site to be a little more...well...awesome or at least kinda rad!!

take a look at this crap and then let me know if you want to sign my petition to have www.awesome.com's domain name changed to www.lame.com