When Johnny Met Timmy… the Depp and Burton movie collaborations

Johnny Depp is back. And this time he’s in a Tim Burton movie. Come on, none of us saw that coming, right? This time it’s the remake of cult TV show (‘cult’, of course, means not one living soul watched it) Dark Shadows, in which Depp plays a mysterious kook. Who would have thought it?! To mark this biennial event, Ross McG puts all the Depp/Burton concoctions into one big mix.

Character: Victor Van Dort. No film would be named after this guyLook: Animated. No, as in, the film is animated. Other than that… gaunt, weird hair, you know the drillSignificant other: Helena Bonham Carter. Well, her voice, anywayVerdict: Cartoonish

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Character: Ahhh smeg, he’s back in the title againLook: Gaunt. Wild long hair. Scissors in his hands, if not his actual handsSignificant other: Helena Bonham Carter. Bear in mind these are all totally different filmsVerdict: Choppy

Alice in Wonderland

Character: The Mad Hatter. May as well have called it ‘Mad Hatter in Wonderland’, mindLook: Gaunt. Ginger. Big stupid grin on his faceSignificant other: ‘I know, let’s get Helena Bonham Carter!’Verdict: Completely hatty

Dark Shadows

Character: Barnabas Collins. No chance of getting in the titleLook: Gaunt. Cropped hair. Long fingernails. He’s a vampire, to be fairSignificant other: Helena Bonh- oh, no: it’s Eva Green. And Michelle Pfeiffer. HBC is in the thing thoughVerdict: It sucks

Nice look at the history of the Burton/Depp relationship. It really saddens me that things just seem to be getting worse and worse between them. Perhaps it’s time they get some space, maybe see other people