the only way i could manage to take a dump on my Lamborghini without a ladder

in case you haven’t been paying attention to the big silence that is It Came from the Garage, i took a rather long respite from the climbing blogosphere. a respite is – of course – a euphemism for playing video games, drinking beer, and watching sports used by the over-educated (HI I’VE READ ADORNO!) and unemployed to make being ordinary sound like an action montage cut from a pile of Spielberg movies. truth is, just like old people at stop lights, i got tired bored.

but that’s all fine and good. a 21st century dude sometimes needs a healthy does of social media distractions and drugs to settle himself in the often torrid seas of the present. i mean, the world is imploding on itself. wild inequity threatens the social “balance”, environmental degradation is spoiling the..um… spoils of the earth, and – according to this pamphlet i’m reading – a fallen angel named SATAN has deployed homosexuals to destroy the world.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE FRODO!!!

shit is dire folks. giving up – while not something which shines on your resume – has never looked better.

but enough is enough. after some time being a ‘dick’ on climbing forums, i’ve decided to fire up ye olde blog again. we have some serious catchings up to do.

What’s New in the Rockclimbings?

the most important thing to know is i’m kinda great at it. and by kinda i mean totally. you know that feeling you get when everything clicks into place? like when Harry Potter finally figures out he’s a super magical badass/magical super badass and not just a mop-headed weirdo with a scar? yeah, well its kinda like that for me, but without all the goofy friends.

hey folks. i hate to use this blog to discuss anything other than 1) the #!*@*$ turd that is rockclimbings culture, 2) how skilled i am at analyzing turd residue, and 3) how i plan to win at rockclimbing, BUT i’m so syyyyykkkked on this batch of music (that I WROTE WITH MY MIND) i cannot help but spoil the sanctity of icftg.com.

may the climbing gods forgive us all. yes, i’m talking about you Sherma. forgiveness brah, forgiveness.

the style is sorta garage-glitchy dubstep. so, yeah, it’s kinda not in a ‘style’ per se. but you should check it out anyhow.

in what might (but probably won’t) become a regular thing, we here at icftg.com have decided to end each week with a bit of motivational music movie magic music…magic. this week’s feature is joe esposito’s Karate Kid classic ‘you’re the best’. we’ve not only imbeeded the youtube footage, but we’ve also included the lyrics (with commentary).

enjoy your weekend and try not to chuff harder than you send. you know who you are.

patrick and i climb year round. most of the weaksauce chumps we know are all like “it’s too hot” during the summer months, and all like “it’s too cold” in the winter. but the people who know what’s what are willing to climb 340-some days a year in the ol’ bluegrass state. we are those people. Read the rest of this entry »

so basically this post stems from two things: 1) lists are easy to write and 2) i’m avoiding writing my dissertation.

i want to clarify what total rock success is all about. it’s not just about the numbers. it’s not just about the money. it’s about sending hard AND getting paid; that’s what i’m talkin’ bout. wut. wut.

no, but really, total rock success is about feeling good and feeling like you can send everything – every go. this ‘list’ o’ tips represents a thing or two i figured out last year, forgot for 11 months, then figured out again last week. and it’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

…is so clear now. because it is never a good idea to pay $20 to wake up at 6 am on a saturday AND drive thirty minutes so that we may be allowed to run (for 26.03 minutes). but, as we all know, sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a terrible idea; running through it.

in the wild world of word association, the term ‘running’ has a axiomatic link to the term “quitting”. this is because running is NEVER FUN. i hear the best you can hope for is the so-called “runners high”, which supposedly helps you cope with your throbbing ankles and lactic acid saturated ribcage. i’ve ran for over 45 minutes and if misery is a ‘high’, then i was totally wasted.