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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Can you feel that glow, friends? That's the warmth emanating from the dawn of the Aqib Talib area here in New England. Either that, or it's the exhaust of the jets currently taking all of the Marlins up to their new digs in Canada. Oh, and speaking of "jets". Yeah, they're forcing themselves into the news with their antics again. So I'll get to that, too...

Some news and notes. Check 'em out. And yes, that title is a weak reference to 'The Miami Sound Machine'. What? I couldn't think of anything better. Besides, you know you like Gloria Estefan, and I'm willing to bet the rhythm has "got" you at least once in the last 48 hours. So there...

He's a wizard. Hence the hood...

He isn't even officially here one day, and the Patriots are already bending over backwards to assure a smooth transition for troubled corner, Aqib Talib. Standard media availability times have been moved back in the day, and even Tom Brady has rescheduled his weekly press conference. Could it all just be a coincidence? Could Talib's arrival having nothing to do with the irregular changes? Nah. Virtually no chance that's the case. This is standard "hood and dagger" stuff from Bill B and the boys down at Gillette. They do things differently, and they'll be damned if they're not gonna let you know it with every single move that they make...

But it's OK. They've had great success running things in their shady yet efficient manner, so we willingly put up with it. Not only that, but a lot of fans (myself included) actually like that the Patriots employ these shady tactics. Makes other teams like them less. And we don't want you to like our team...

And even if I didn't agree with their methods, I agree with taking every possible precaution to get this guy in here and settled down. I mean, did you see how poorly the secondary played again this week? I'll freakin' let them take all the time they need to make the shut down corner that shoots at sex offenders with his mom feel right at home, if they need it. Unless part of that is having he and his mom walk around the Foxboro area looking for people to shoot. I live too close. Can't chance that. Anything else you need though, Bill. Just get it done. We can wait a few hours to hear from Brady if it means the new guy won't go postal...

Sr. Almonte, I'm gonna need to see your passport. Yeah,
and I'm gonna have to ask you to put on a shirt, too...

The Marlins are going all "Marlins" again. Fresh off getting the taxpayers to pony up for a new stadium, they've shipped 85% of their payroll out of town and are now only committed to something like $10 million next year. Which is only a little more than they still owe Ozzie Guillen, who no doubt will be laughing all the way to 'el banco' all season long on a myriad of baseball programs...

And while the current fire sale is bad for sports fans everywhere, and just bad for sports in general, it's not all for naught. Because sometimes, even when times are bad, good things can occur. Sometimes, even hilarious things. Like when a good friend of mine, commenting on this trade, sent me this text message...

"Now that Jose Reyes will need to cross the border a lot more. What are the odds that some nerdy border agent uncovers the fact that Reyes' real name is Danny Almonte Sr and he's the ring leader of a Little League betting scheme?"

IF you're not LOL-ing, then you probably don't really like sports as much as you may think you do. For those in stitches, I know. It's hilarious. And mostly because it's probably true. Which was reflected when I answered the question with a "3 to 2"...

I also tried to get the rumor going on Twitter that Giancarlo (Gee-On-Car-Low) Stanton was next to go, and that he was heading to the Red Sox. But that didn't seem to take. Perhaps I'll try again later on this afternoon. That's just a cool name to have on your team. Imagine "Giancarlo & Jacoby"? That just works, right there. And I think you all know that it works. So make it happen, Fenway people. Time to start putting that money you essentially got from the Dodgers to good use...

GianCoby? Championship!

Lance Armstrong continues to get booted from all these companies and charities he helped make famous. But as predicted, nobody really cares. He's gonna spend his days taking swan dives in his unitard into his untold piles of dirty money. Which is why I think he needs to be tried in a criminal court for fraud, and hung up as the poster child of how NOT to make it as an athlete in the United States of America. It's a pipe dream, and I know it will never happen. But it should. Could just be The Quiz Show fan in me, looking for entertainment to be held to task, I don't know. But I do know that if the result here is that he gets to shrink away with all his money, then what type of justice was really done? This man perpetrated a fraud on most of America, and a decent chunk of the world. That's a crime, and he should be held accountable for it...

So, please. Some young attorney. Take a shot at this case. If for no other reason than to make a name for yourself. At the very least it would probably make for a great movie. Hell. You do this and I'll freakin' write the movie! Probably even pen myself a little cameo in there. I could play a French cycling fan who yells at Lance while he's winning the Tour! Actually, that sounds miserable. I'll have to invent someone for me to play. Probably end up making that person the star of the movie, too...

Yeah, it's gonna be great. So, yeah. Take this guy to court, already. I wanna be a star!...

College basketball "officially" got underway last night with the Kansas-Michigan St. and Kentucky-Duke games. I don't have many observations to share as of yet (though Nerlens Noel looks much more raw than Anthony Davis), but I am just glad to have the college round ball back in the fold. It'll probably be a few weeks before I grace you with my first Top 25, but that doesn't mean you should allow your pimping to incur any slack. Here are some games to tide you over for the next few days. Not sure which network they're all on. But you know how to work a remote, sure you can figure it out...

Rounding things out, here are the results from last week's picks. And no, I have no idea why I do so well picking college games. And don't ask me, because I'm of the belief that if I actually start to think about my method, I'm gonna screw the whole thing up. My time needs to be spent finding a scantily clad chicks to post, not comparing point spreads and home and away results...

Oh, and I was supposed to talk about the New York Jets, right? OK, well here it is. The players think Tebow sucks, the team actually does suck, and the coach cried in a post game speech. They're an embarrassment. To the point now where they're either going to completely collapse, OR go on one of those ridiculously improbable runs that makes them legends. Here's a hint. It won't be the second one...