Just talking to my friend with benefits about this right now; we're talking about having sex without a condom more frequently because she's on the pill and our sex life is better without using a condom; going forward, she will let me know if I need to use a condom or not (based on her ovulation cycle, if she misses a pill, etc).

But to the topic: she was just telling me that some years back, a guy pulled off the condom mid-way through sexual intercourse. She did not understand until recently that this would be considered a form of sexual assault. She had consented to sex, but with a condom. This should be expected at this point with any new sex partners.

Always assume a condom will be used until you've had a talk with your partner about the risks of unprotected sex. Never ever assume there's consent to have unprotected sex without verbal agreement. Period.

SaccharineStains

Totally agree, that’s really fucked up. Also, ovulation isn’t anything to worry about when you’re on the pill as long as it’s taken correctly! :-)

BrainDeadFart

I don't know too much about the ovulation cycle other than that I'd like to avoid it lol

She told me that she was pissed at the time, but didn't see it as sexual assault until she brought it up with friends. She told me the story and I was just appalled. It has never occurred to me that that kind of act would be anything but sexual assault.

SaccharineStains

Birth control pretty much stops that process, that was my biggest question when I got on the pill because I want to avoid condoms.

That’s the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard

stink3rbelle

Hormonal birth control stops ovulation. Barrier methods do not, neither does a sponge or one form of IUC/IUD.

BrainDeadFart

Interesting. I'll bring it up with her then. It's possible she knows about it, but doesn't want to chance it regardless.

nepetasdead

to add to this, shell still be protected when she’s on the placebos since it takes a few weeks for the effects to wear off

ehulce

Not necessarily. The mini pill does not effectively stop ovulation, it works by changing the cervical mucus. The combo pill does stop ovulation

SaccharineStains

Sorry for the confusion, yeah I’m on the combo pill so

panterarocks

Why are you directing this at males? I've had girls grab my penis and put it in their vagina when they already know were supposed to wear a condom

Egitai

Pulling off a condom mid-way through sexual intercourse without his consent is still sexual assault, girls.

hornychigga4

I thought the exact same thing.

Angelica1999

You’re right, but it’s a terrible comparison. He could just not thrust into her if she took of his condom and get off and leave. We’re talking about if you’ve taken it off without her /knowledge/. Another flawed comparison would be taking out her female condom because she would definitely feel that. A good comparison is poking a hole in the condom and getting yourself pregnant on purpose without telling him, but that’s not rape that’s just being crazy.

TJ_H00ker

There's no point of this thread.

TheBurningQuill

How else would we know how virtuous OP is?

Suam1

Lol

sixela11

There never seems to be a point until you or someone you care about experiences this. People need to be educated on consent, this can help prevent others from assault or from assaulting someone.

republicaninsheets

I agree that it's wrong and should be illegal but it's not considered sexual assault in many places

The_Real_Scrotus

Legally, the status of "stealthing" is unclear in most jurisdictions. It has only been prosecuted successfully as a crime once, in Switzerland.

It's a real shitty thing to do, but it's very misleading to call it sexual assault.

enisulem87

It’s not misleading at all.

If someone wouldn’t want to have sex with a partner without a condom, and the partner knows that and secretly removes it during sex, that’s a form of assault.

Edit: while it’s not legally recognized as assault, it damn well should be.

Icy_Many

since when do we define sexual assault by what the laws say it is? sure, marital rape wasn't illegal for most of the USA's history, but it was still rape

The_Real_Scrotus

since when do we define sexual assault by what the laws say it is?

Since always.

sure, marital rape wasn't illegal for most of the USA's history, but it was still rape.

No, it wasn't. That's the point. It was morally repugnant, but it wasn't rape until laws changed.

scoobydoobypoo

Just because it's not a crime, doesn't mean it shouldn't be.

The_Real_Scrotus

But OP didn't say stealthing should be considered sexual assault. (S)he said it is considered sexual assault. That isn't currently true, except in Switzerland

attackwhale

Except in the eyes of the law it’s not. Yes it’s a fucked up thing to do, but it’s legally not sexual assault.

disisntitchief

Actually it is " law society has described stealthing as sexual assault because it changes the terms of consent. "

You agree to have sex with protection, taking it off puts you at risk for multiple things. This changing what you consented to. If it was brought to court the guy would be sentenced.

Rolten

Thanks for the tip, as a boy I normally sexually assault people but tips and reminders like these are really teaching me not to do that.

BrainDeadFart

Or you could lose the passive aggressiveness and consider that it's not directed at people like you, but those who may not see the distinction between rape and sexual assault.

But you seem to be taking it pretty personally though.

natronimusmaximus

to be fair, the passive aggressivness began with you referring to men as boys.

sixela11

Exactly what I was thinking, only time people seem to get defensive about consent is when they have might have done something in the past that can be taken as non consensual.

Pezdrake

When you pretend to be a victim of some fake reverse sexism does it make you feel better?

NicoUK

This is not sexual assault. A dick thing to do? Absolutely. But not assault.

Diluting the definition of assault, especially sexual assault in this way is incredibly dangerous.

Furthermore if you try and label this as sexual assault then a woman lying about contraception would be sexual assault. If she forgets to take her pill? Sexual assault by negligence.

rigelandsirius

Men in Canada & the UK have been convicted of sexual assault for stealthing, but not in the US. Not surprise since the US is always behind the times. (It really should be considered assault- you're having a condition forced on you that you didn't agree to).

The_Real_Scrotus

Men in Canada & the UK have been convicted of sexual assault for stealthing

Please post evidence. Not trying to accuse you of lying but I think you're mistaken. I'm only aware of a single successful prosecution in Switzerland.

rigelandsirius

Sorry, yes- I meant Canada & Switzerland. The Canadian case is R v. Hutichinson. It's a bit convoluted/not explicit but, those were the legal implications. The Swiss case was much more straight forward. I believe there's a current case going through Australian courts as well.

uhuhshesaid

It might not seem like assault if you're using your feelings and emotions. But if you look at it logically - if the premise of the agreement is nullified it voids consent.

In laymen's terms: If a person consents to sex with the agreement to have a condom on, and only with a condom on, and a man takes off a condom without informing his partner it voids the agreement. And you are no longer having consensual sex. What is non consensual sex? It is rape.

By the way, your argument that we are 'diluting the definition of assault' is hardly new. I've heard it throughout the years used on husbands raping wives, men raping women too drunk/drugged to consent, men raping sex workers and so on. But the premise at its base point is sound.

And I would argue: if you are knowing exposing a woman, against her will, to unwanted sex and the psychological and physical dangers of pregnancy, birth, abortion or sexually transmitted infection you have endangered her health well being and safety.

So what are your parameters for sexual assault again?

Because I fail to see how they wouldn't fit in here.

stink3rbelle

Assault by its nature is never negligence-based. Lying about birth control, whether you took off a condom, lied about it being on, sabotaged a barrier method of birth control, or lied about being on the pill, yes, is sexual assault

kittycatyumyumyum

Bullshit. A court would never convict a woman about lying about birth control.

StalkedFuturist

While I do think it's assault I gotta agree with you on this. A court would never convict a woman about lying about birth control.

Lakersrock111

It is assault NicoUK. Imagine if you had a daughter who went through that. Boundaries and limits are discussed for a reason. And yes if a woman lied about her contraception it would be assault. If she truly forgot and a pregnancy resulted then I could see that yes.

sixela11

Having a partner remove the condom or lying about BC is assault. You consented to having protected sex. It’s a violation of a person to have their health put at risk because some asshole decided to do whatever the fuck they wanted

Abricx0

Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact you do not consent to. She consented to protected sex but not unprotected sex. Sexual assault.

my_name_is_gato

You have an incredibly simplistic view of the world. Would you like to read the sexual assault statutes and reconsider your opinion?