Average C.E.O. Earns $9.6 Million

A new Associated Press report reveals that a C.E.O. of “a typical public company made $9.6 million in 2011.” C.E.O.’s of atypical public companies made either more or less, depending on whether the word “atypical” is being used in a passive-aggressive way (“Huh! What an . . . atypical haircut!”) or in a superlative way (“Oh God. No, don’t worry! Your hair grows atypically quick!”). In addition, company heads are receiving more stock options and fewer cash bonuses.

According to the A.P., the $9.6 million number is “up more than 6 percent from the previous year, and is the second year in a row of increases. The figure is also the highest since the A.P. began tracking executive compensation in 2006.” A truly devastating setback for President Obama’s War on Job Creators. President Mitt Romney is so effective he doesn’t even need to be elected!