New research has found that young women who drink caffeinated beverages on the daily experience changes in hormone levels. How much will your Starbucks and Diet Coke addictions affect your chemical ladyhood? Like being arrested in Arizona, the way caffeine treats your lady hormones depends on your race.

Researchers examined 250 young, female test subjects who drank about a cup of coffee per day and found that drinking caffeine caused subjects' estrogen levels to fluctuate. On a small scale, this isn't necessarily good or bad, but on a large scale— say, if you're one of those people who polishes off an entire pot of eyebrow-singeing coffee before 10 am every day— they're not sure yet.

Most curiously, the study, published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, found differences between the way that women's bodies react to coffee based on a woman's race. White women who drank a cup per day had slightly less estrogen than non-drinkers. Asian women experienced the opposite effect, and their levels of estrogen rose slightly. Black women experienced a less statistically significant rise in lady hormone levels than their Asian counterparts.

But! One more wrench in the gears— women who got caffeine from sources other than coffee experienced a rise in estrogen levels regardless of race. Which brings me to my final point: is coffee racist? Will the lowered estrogen levels that I'd experience as a white lady who drinks a fuckton of coffee cause my boobs to shrink (and, conversely, will drinking green tea like it's going out of style lead to more curviness)? And, most importantly, what are the implications of coffee on that one follicle on my chin that grows a hair like once a year?