Nirvana has only reached icon status because Kurt Cobain died before he lived long enough to become the villain. If he were alive today, Nirvana would be on a level equal to that of Pearl Jam. Their newer material would be largely irrelevant, save for maybe a cover song and another acoustic one. Cobain would be seen as an old man desperately clinging to what he may have been two decades ago.

For this metaphor to work, you are going to have to excuse the fact that I just wanted to say how much I dislike Nirvana, and it really has nothing to do with anything else I have or ever will write. However, I think that my ‘Nirvana’ example relates directly to the following point. If you want to tell a longtime friend that you have feelings for her, be sure to do it in person, because otherwise what are you doing?

Don’t wait until you are so deep into the friend zone that the exit door has been locked ever since seven years ago when she finally decided to hold your hand at the movies and you let go of her and awkwardly slapped her in the face. If you don’t tell her soon after first meeting, the absolute worst thing you could possibly do would probably fall under the category of slapping her in the face, or really anywhere.

What I’m trying to say is do not ever slap women, even jokingly.

Also! If you have been too scared to tell a good friend that you have feelings for her, and you’re already in the friend zone, and you have to tell her how you feel, do it in person. Do not do it via anonymous email. First, and most importantly, if you send an anonymous email to somebody, there is a good chance that either they will think it is spam and not read it, or their email provider will automatically categorize it as such. However, if you do send an anonymous love letter, when signing up for your new phony email address, be sure to not fill out your actual name under where it says ‘Name’. The reason for this warning should be obvious, and I really wish I had thought about that before I sent it.

So my ‘anonymous’ email turned out to be very nonymous. For all of the reasons described above, I have not yet heard back.

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