One of my best-performing articles is my review of ‘Altered Carbon’, which gets as many as a dozen new views every day. Most of the time, I can’t see exactly what brought people to that article, since most search results are listed as “unknown”. But I get occasional glimpses at the search results, and you’d be amazed by what they reveal.

It turns out that an awful lot of you want to know who the “Put Your Wife In Me” actor is in the second episode, and so I’ve decided to go with the flow of public interest and provide the answer you all so desperately seek.

After studious and determined research (involving going to the episode’s IMDB page and scrolling down) I discovered that the creative talent behind “Advert Spokeswoman #2” is Nalani Wakita.

That’s her name, but what else do we know about this unique individual? Why do so many of you find her so captivating, so compelling, that you scour the internet searching for her identity? What is it about her that makes her special?

Are you eager to find out her story, the tale of how she got into acting? Did she always dream as a child of one day being a star, a big name in Hollywood? Or did she stumble into it, as an off-shoot from a modelling career? Is it just a sideline, something she enjoys part-time whilst she pursues her true calling elsewhere? Or was she merely talent-spotted one day, given an offer to be in a TV show that she felt obliged to accept?

If stardom is a dream of hers, what spark lit the fire of that dream? Did her parents instill in her a keen ambition from an early age? Does she even have a close relationship with her parents? Are they disappointed in her life choices, and as such emotionally distant and unavailable? Or have they always been dedicated, supportive and proud to see their daughter work hard and advance her career? Or maybe it’s more complex than that: maybe her parents fret that they didn’t do enough to teach her how to find happiness in herself, and maybe each night she goes to bed worrying that her choices disappoint her family. Maybe both parties continue in this anxious state, equally unaware of the other party’s neuroses.

What about her personal life? Does her career keep her busy, so busy that she struggles to build deep connections with others? Or does she possess a demeanour that makes it easy for her to quickly build a strong, intimate understanding of the people in her life? Does she live and love with a carefree attitude, happy to share her vulnerabilities with many different people? Or does she cleave to a traditional, singular dedication to just one person?

How did her role in ‘Altered Carbon’ affect her? Does she regret exposing herself so explicitly, reinforcing the objectification of women in the media? Or does she feel that as society moves closer to equality, the feminist cause becomes less immediate and less relevant? Does she even think about it in these terms, or was this just a job for her, a paid role which she can add to her portfolio to help advance her career? Maybe she’s simply comfortable with her own body, and feels that adding to the taboo of female nudity by concealing it is itself an act of objectification?

But you don’t care. You don’t want to know the answers to these questions, because you don’t really want to know who the “Put your wife in me” woman is. You want to know what she is. You don’t want a picture of Nalani Wakita, you want images of her. For a few seconds you were able to see her at her most exposed, and now you want more. You want to to expose her further, get a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree view of her body, break her down to nothing more than a construct of skin and flesh and bone.

Nothing is ever enough for people like you. The goal that ought to sate your desires only fuels them, mutates them, until you yourself become an abstract caricature – a grotesque, slovenly creature, dick in hand, women with lives and stories reduced to nought but disposable stimulation on an endless conveyor belt of lust and depravity. If any capacity for human connection remained within you, you might pause to question not just your own life but that of the woman at the heart of your fantasy. Your interest might be piqued not by her nude flesh but by her naked soul, a delicate structure of unfathomable complexity hiding a spiritual bounty of untold value.

But such a thing is waste product in your eyes – needless baggage laid upon a pure and sexual body. Why burden an object of sex with emotions and ambitions? Why muddy the waters of carnal desires with the mess that comes from truly knowing a person?

Well, I’m not going to help you. I’ll not provide you with the images you seek. I’ll neither aid nor abet your descent into inhuman, id-driven base behaviour. If you want to see more of Ms. Wakita, you’ll have to find it yourself. Go looking through the scraps of the internet like the dog you are. Maybe somewhere along the way you’ll find rock bottom – if you even possess the wherewithal to recognise it before you continue plummeting into the depths of sexual despair.

However, quite a few of you come to my site looking for pictures of James Purefoy’s penis, and I’d be happy to oblige. These are the best I could find from a quick Google search, as well as some screencaps from ‘Altered Carbon’. Now, please! Enjoy this collection of James Purefoy hanging dong:

Please note that if the one thing I have accomplished in my life is adding James Purefoy’s dick to image search results for Nalani Wakita nude, I’ll be so, so happy with myself.