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Joe the Pipefitter Invited to Speak at RNC

My friend Joe, a pipefitter, and a Republican, albeit one who is not planning to vote for Donald Trump in November, received the following letter from GOP Chairman Reince Priebus yesterday:

Reince Priebus, Chairman, Republican National Committee

320 First St., SE

Washington, DC 20003

Mr. Joe XXXXXXXX

XXXXX XXXXXX XX

XXXXXXXXXX, XX XXXXX

24 June 2016

Dear Mr. XXXXXXXX,

Our records indicate that you have been a loyal supporter of the Republican Party and its’ candidates throughout the years. We are grateful for all your support, and as a small token of our appreciation, we would like to invite you to speak on behalf of our presumptive nominee at the Republican National Convention next month. The convention will be held in Cleveland, Ohio at the Quicken Loans Arena July 18-21, 2016. We have an open slot for you to speak on Tuesday, 19 July at 10:30 a.m., though other speaking times are also still available.

We will, of course, reimburse you for travel and lodging expenses, and upon acceptance of this offer, we will send you a copy of the prepared speech we would like you to memorize for the event. We are having a bit of difficulty garnering enough speakers this year, as GOP leaders around the nation seem to be very busy and have already made other commitments for that week. We had hoped to feature Dennis Hastert, former Congressman from Illinois and former Speaker of the House, but he is otherwise occupied serving a prison sentence for raping young boys.

If you are interested in this great opportunity, please complete the attached form with your letter of acceptance no later than 30 June, so that we can send your speech to you in order for you to have plenty of time to learn what you are to say. Also, if you have other friends who might be interested in speaking at the convention, please have them contact me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ReincePriebus.

I look forward to seeing you next month, and thank you again for your loyal support.

Sincerely,

Reince Priebus

Chairman, Republican National Committee

My friend Joe will not be attending the convention, as he is pretty sure he will have a sore throat that day and be unable to speak for long periods of time. Either that, or he will have to fit some pipes somewhere.

I read in Politico yesterday that the RNC is having trouble getting prominent Republicans to even attend the convention, let alone give speeches in favour of Mr. Trump. Gee … I wonder why that is? In past years, being invited to speak at the convention was considered to be a great honour among Republicans, but apparently this year, not so much.

South Carolina Rep. Trey Gowdy, said he is taking his family to the beach instead. “I’m not,” said South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford, a former two-term governor. “But hope you have a good Thursday!” “Don’t know,” said Sean Duffy, a reality-TV-star-turned-Wisconsin congressman. “I haven’t thought about it.” Florida Rep. Carlos Curbelo: “I won’t be there.” The widespread lack of interest, Republicans say, boils down to one thing: the growing consensus that it’s best to steer clear of Trump. GASP … do you really think so? I’m thinking “what if they held a convention and nobody came?” I do imagine, however, that they can at least count on America’s #1 and #2 Bimbox to be there! Gonna be a fun show, folks.