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Topic: Fill out your thank you envelope? (Read 8054 times)

This seems a bit..hmm..tacky-ish, so I wanted to see why my fellow e-hellions thought.

This weekend I went to a baby shower for a friend, hosted by the FMIL, my BFF (who was in charge of games) and myself sort ended up handling a lot of basic hosting duties. But that isn't the part I have questions about.

When guests started to arrive FMIL asked us to greet them, put their gifts on the gift table and then (and here comes the question part) have them fill out the envolope for their thank you card.

Both BFF and I were surprised by this and commented quietly to each other that it seemed a bit wrong, but we weren't the hosts and these weren't our guests so we slapped on big smiles and did as we were asked. I noticed a lot of the guests just started filling out the envelopes without our promoting them, so perhaps this was something done her social circle.

It took me awhile to put my finger on it but, I think what bothers me about this is that it's saying (IMO) "I can't be bothered with something as trivial as looking up your address to send you a thank you card". BTW, mom-to-be had to ask us what they were for and why they were doing this, so it wasn't her idea at all.

I've heard lots of people say, "oh, that's so considerate, the poor new mom/new bride who is so busy!" So some shower guests like it. And it's often the hostess, and not the guest of honor/gift recipient who thought of it.

It always makes me think, "maybe too many people are invited to this shower, if addressing the envelopes is such a chore."

Far more gracious would be for the hostess of the shower to address all the thank-you note envelopes and give them to the GOH to use.

"I can't be bothered with something as trivial as looking up your address to send you a thank you card"

This is the message I would receive as well. OTOH, I would do it happily to save the MtB that much trouble when she's already got a lot on her plate as it is. My reservations would come from the idea that now my address is STILL in a place that isn't permanent. I would much rather sign a guest book (or at a wedding/bridal shower, an address book?) with the up-to-date info.

It might be a lot of effort to write thank-you notes (OK, so maybe not that much), but it's the effort that makes it such a nice gesture. Having the guests do part of the job for you says, "You're not worth the effort. I don't want to thank you that much."

Sure, we all take shortcuts here and there sometimes, but to do it so blatantly says that you don't even care that they realise that your 'thank you' isn't particularly heartfelt. If they're honestly too busy to do their own thank-yous, then surely they're too busy to have a shower at all? Those precious minutes aren't going to spend themselves!

Or invite a more manageable number of people. If you can't afford (in time, money, or effort) to treat all your guests politely, then it's time to invite fewer so that you're able to do it properly.

I think that part of this is reasonable. It is a good idea to collect the addresses. I can tell you that I don'y know the mailing addresses of almost anyone as I don't mail things. A nice address book would be much nicer.

I find it's getting more common. And I can't blame the GOH because it's usually at the hostess' initiative, and under the guise of 'let's help her out.' But it's actually become my hill to die on, and I discreetly (or not so much if I'm pressed repeatedly) hand my envelope back in blank.

I'm glad to spend lots of time and money supporting the GOH in many different ways, but I just won't address my own card.

BFF and I dutifully filled ours out (MTB and FMIL already have a stressed relationship, we weren't going to add salt to an open wound), but while we were doing so BFF pointed out "We all received paper invitations in the mail, she (FMIL) already has our addresses, wouldn't she just give them to MTB?", which makes sense to me.

I do know after one of my friend's wedding showers she said her FMIL presented her with pre-addressed thank-you notes for her to fill out for her shower guests. FMIL did calligraphy so the hand writing was beautiful and bride was touched her FMIL would do something so kind to help her out. But as guests, we weren't asked to fill out anything.

I like the idea of using a nice address book as a guest book and then presenting that to MTB so she has everyone addresses. And a pretty address book!

I've only had that happen once at a shower I attended years ago. I filled out the envelope because, well, I was taken by surprise and didn't have time to think about it. Their story was that we would put our envelopes into a large bowl and draw for a gift out of that bowl. Cute.

If it ever happens again, I'll most likely just quietly put the envelope down and move on. I don't like it.

Yeah, I think it's tacky. If paper invitations were mailed to the guests, then someone has all their addresses anyway, so that's not an excuse. As TootsNYC said, if the hostess wants to do something nice for the GOH and save her some time, the hostess should fill out the TY envelopes, not make the guests do it.

I've never been asked to do it myself but I've heard it's common in some circles, so maybe if everyone expects it and even wants to do it, okay fine. To me it's one step removed from saying, "Grab a generic card that says 'thanks' on your way out, folks!" I mean, people took the time to come to a party and probably brought a present. I think they deserve more than a TY note with their own handwriting on it.

I think it can be a necessity at times. I was once in the position of having a surprise shower. I didn't really like the idea of relying on the yellow pages or the internet to get addresses for my coworkers or people at the church we had just started attending, as I always got a couple results of several people with the same name. (I didn't even know everyone's full name!) (As it was a surprise, I did not have a guest list and I did not know everyone well enough to have their addresses.) Many ladies showed up and were happy to wish me well, it was not a gift grab, but I just didn't have access to their addresses. Having envelopes with everyone's address would have been a huge help. Its not necessarily the most proper thing to do, but it would have been very helpful.

I think it can be a necessity at times. I was once in the position of having a surprise shower. I didn't really like the idea of relying on the yellow pages or the internet to get addresses for my coworkers or people at the church we had just started attending, as I always got a couple results of several people with the same name. (I didn't even know everyone's full name!) (As it was a surprise, I did not have a guest list and I did not know everyone well enough to have their addresses.) Many ladies showed up and were happy to wish me well, it was not a gift grab, but I just didn't have access to their addresses. Having envelopes with everyone's address would have been a huge help. Its not necessarily the most proper thing to do, but it would have been very helpful.

But wouldn't whoever threw you the shower have those addressees? Especially if they sent out the invitations? Surely if they're throwing a shower for you could ask them "Gee Mary, thank you so much for the shower! I'd like to get started on my thank you notes, would you be able to provide me with the guests' addressees?"