Pornography clause in stimulus ruling causes little concern

Columbia – An unusual clause in the state supreme court’s now-famous stimulus package ruling will allow the funds to be used for the creation of higher quality pornography billboards along the interstates that carve their way through South Carolina.

In what apparently started as a clerical error, a supreme court staffer wrote that the governor needed “stimulating.” From that point on, other staffers added their own humor. One part of the ruling also stated that “stimulus package money shall be spent on our state’s greatest attribute: porn shops.”

It is unclear which staffer or staffers added these clauses to the court’s ruling, but chief justice Jean Toal is taking it all in stride.

“I think the governor does need stimulating,” she said. “And if porn along the long, lonely drive back from Columbia to the governor’s beachfront home is what does it, then so be it,” she said.
The governor’s office issued a statement right after the ruling saying that the governor would fully support the court’s ruling.

“We stand by our initial conclusion that the stimulus ruling is in error, but we do support the state’s burgeoning porn industry,” said the governor’s spokesman in a press release after the porn clauses were discovered.

Editor’s Note: This story was filed before Governor Sanford’s recent revelations, and was subsequently buried under the mass of other Sanford stories only to be uncovered during an emergency office cleaning over the weekend. We feel that although the governor now appears to be more fully-stimulated than suspected at the time the story was written, the reporting is still valid.