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It has taken three weeks to be able to write again. To make sense of the piece of self I lost in the desert, in hype, in an infringement of a private experience... and understand the consequential doors that opened. I think now, while taking a week away to reconnect under the vast desert sky, I’m ready to evaluate my recovery. Physically I was right on cue: I had a few “lingering naggies,” it took a while to rebuild the glycogen stores and regain weight, but by the 2.5 week mark I felt good as new. But emotionally… I was shaken, so emotionally thrown, and since WRIAD 100 it’s been a ride of vulnerability, depression, angst, inspiration, and loneliness. Then—running again, pushing, summiting, laughing with friends; what elation! Freedom from my own mind! Is this why I run? I watch again the video my husband made. That’s not me, that’s not my day. That’s not at all how it happened. But does it even matter? Is it better to leave it, let people think that running the white rim is some sort o…

It has taken three weeks to be able to
write again. To make sense of the piece of self I lost in the desert, in hype, in an infringement of a private experience... and understand the consequential doors that opened. I think now, while taking a week away to reconnect under the vast
desert sky, I’m ready to evaluate my recovery. Physically I was right on cue: I
had a few “lingering naggies,” it took a while to rebuild the glycogen stores and
regain weight, but by the 2.5 week mark I felt good as new. But emotionally…
I was shaken, so
emotionally thrown, and since WRIAD 100 it’s been a ride of vulnerability, depression, angst,
inspiration, and loneliness. Then—running again, pushing, summiting, laughing
with friends; what elation! Freedom from
my own mind! Is this why I run? I watch again the video my husband made. That’s not me,
that’s not my day. That’s not at all how it happened.
But does it even matter? Is it better to leave it, let
people think that running the white rim is some sort…

To write about an experience is a pathetic attempt to use symbols to give form, shape-- something concrete even, to the intangible. Why then, try?

This isn't the "race report" that I'm supposed to write. It's not what's expected of me. The lighthearted, witty, remembrance of a weekend literally filled with laughs (still smiling at mile 90), frustration, and a strength to push through when things got rough that I didn't know I had... I can't touch on that at all.

I love the sharp desert and the blurry runnersMy heart isn't there, isn't willing to share, isn't able to create a shape for something as infinite as a moment.

I knew with the crew I had, there'd be push on the social media side of the weekend. My pacers and crew consisted of social media managers, camera/tech geeks, gear junkies, ultra-running enthusiasts... It was really no surprise when the FB crew message thread turned to how to tell the story, what to highlight, etc. But I co…

To write about an experience is a pathetic attempt to use symbols to give form, shape-- something concrete even, to the intangible. Why then, try?

This isn't the "race report" that I'm supposed to write. It's not what's expected of me. The lighthearted, witty, remembrance of a weekend literally filled with laughs (still smiling at mile 90), frustration, and a strength to push through when things got rough that I didn't know I had... I can't touch on that at all.

My heart isn't there, isn't willing to share, isn't able to create a shape for something as infinite as a moment.

I knew with the crew I had, there'd be push on the social media side of the weekend. My pacers and crew consisted of social media managers, camera/tech geeks, gear junkies, ultra-running enthusiasts... It was really no surprise when the FB crew message thread turned to how to tell the story, what to highlight, etc. But I couldn't bring myself to comment on it. I…

For throwback Thursday, I cheated a bit. I've copied fragments from my journal on my first visit to the white rim. Bear in mind that these are crazy, random, introspective thoughts of my just-turned-18-a-week-ago self. My social awkwardness is fairly evident, and I didn't edit any of these fragments. I guess some things about me don't really change. During this trip I was with a group of college and class peers, and we biked the white rim over 3 days with the option of riding the entire loop in a day on the 4th day. While I wasn't a runner then, I became obsessed with wanting to run that trail, and laced up my shoes every night to run for an hour or two. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ryan mentioned he liked leaving the real world for this. This world is just as real, but it is a different world. It's a parallel time and life, one of those separate circular worlds that will keep…

For throwback Thursday, I cheated a bit. I've copied fragments from my journal on my first visit to the white rim. Bear in mind that these are crazy, random, introspective thoughts of my just-turned-18-a-week-ago self. My social awkwardness is fairly evident, and I didn't edit any of these fragments. I guess some things about me don't really change. During this trip I was with a group of college and class peers, and we biked the white rim over 3 days with the option of riding the entire loop in a day on the 4th day. While I wasn't a runner then, I became obsessed with wanting to run that trail, and laced up my shoes every night to run for an hour or two. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ryan mentioned he liked leaving the real world for this. This world
is just as real, but it is a different world. It's a parallel time and life,
one of those separate circular worlds that will keep…