This Is What Gender-Nonbinary People Look Like

It was raining hard when I walked into a building in the Chelsea district of Manhattan, and my coat — a women's coat, though I specifically chose one that didn't feel so womanly — was soaked when I peeled it off. As I took that layer off, there was another women’s yet not particularly womanly sweater underneath. I took the elevator to the GLAAD offices where a photo studio was set up for one of their Trans Awareness Week initiatives, the #BeyondtheBinary campaign.

The #BeyondtheBinary campaign was created to make the public more aware of people like me — people who don’t believe in the idea that there are only two genders. I asked myself if my nondescript grey sweater could adequately represent my life as a nonbinary person and decided it couldn’t, so I removed yet another layer to reveal a colorblocked top underneath. I found this top in the women’s section of a store, but knew it was something that a man could wear and get away with. This is a big part of what it’s like to be a nonbinary person: to dig through layers as I negotiate how I present myself to the world so that the world can perceive me the way I perceive myself, even when I’m often forced to use imperfect instruments of clothing that presume only two genders. I hope that these words by and photographs of nonbinary people can keep nudging this world into fully recognizing our existence.

It means letting myself explore the fullness of my creativity. It means transcending the boundaries that have been placed around my body. It means living my life with integrity, courage, and clarity.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

I'd like people to know that, while the term "nonbinary" sounds very technical, it's not actually all that complicated. I'd like people to know that they don't have to tiptoe around someone who is nonbinary. Just because someone is nonbinary doesn't mean that you have to worry about saying the wrong thing or insulting them — just treat nonbinary people as you'd like to be treated. Treat us with respect, be kind, ask questions when you don't understand, and be prepared to actually listen, to hear us, when we respond. That's it.

It means freedom. The language we use around nonbinary identity is so important. I never want to find myself describing "I choose to be nonbinary because..." the reason for this is because being nonbinary is not a choice, it is a deeply ingrained personal identity. I enjoy being open about who I am because it means I have no lies to manage and I have no fears to feed when talking about what I wear or how I relate to the world.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

I want everyone to know that we are, indeed, folks. We are humans and although it may seem uncommon to be nonbinary, the experience of feeling boxed in by gender is very common. You can relate to your nonbinary friend or coworker because you were told the same lies about gender. Do men always take out the trash? Are women really bad at math? Of course not. And nonbinary folks feel the same way you do. We feel the same sting of being misunderstood and shamed for not exhibiting the 'correct' behavior for our perceived gender.

Nonbinary is a realm in which countless gender alternatives transcending the gender binary live. It's about exploring how the genders man and woman can co-exist as one; it is also about exploring your genders (or nongenders) beyond those two options. Overall, it's a journey of feeling yourself out and self determination.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

Many people believe that nonbinary is a new idea and that nonbinary folks are a fad. Nonbinary people are not a fad, a gimmick or a new concept. We have existed across various cultures for several centuries. Our identities were suppressed by imperialism and as a result, nonbinary people seem to be a recent phenomena to mainstream society, but we've existed almost as long as civilization. Furthermore, it is commonly assumed that nonbinary people don't desire to medically transition. While this is true for many people, many of us do take steps to medically transition, including myself. My transition does not make me feel any more of a man, or any less of a woman. I continue to feel strongly as both some days, and as neither on other days.

It means that I do not identify with the traditionally understood gender binary, and reject such systems that lead to harmful stereotypes and oppression.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

​That it's not something to be afraid of, that stepping outside of what you have been taught and opening your mind to other possibilities and ways of being is liberating. There is no one way to be nonbinary, and I get to decide what that means for myself. It's a never ending, complicated, hard, frustrating, and personal journey.

Many people might say that nonbinary is like the grey area of gender — undefined space between more defined areas. However, because grey is a mixture of black and white it is inherently defined by the constructs of the colors it is comprised of. I think nonbinary is the whole crayon box. It is every paint on the easel. It is everything and nothing and a couple things. Nonbinary is limitless. My expression and my socialization falls on the femme side, but being nonbinary is not about what is perceived of me. Nonbinary is the liberation from the need to make myself smaller to fit into preconceived ideas of who and what I am. Nonbinary is the experience of myself without definition.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

Nonbinary folks are not a deterrent from the "trans conversation." We are an expansion of it. We do not need to play the oppression olympics in order to figure out which trans people are worthy. Instead, we should listen and develop safety nets for people of all trans experiences. Girls, Boys, and Folks like us matter. We are worthy. We are beautiful. We are desirable. We are here. We have always been here. And we're not going anywhere.

Being non-binary means embracing liminality. Unapologetically existing in the in-between. Being comfortable with discomfort and seeing the incompleteness as whole.

What is something you would like people to know about nonbinary folks?

Never try to categorize or define what being nonbinary means or looks like for an individual — especially if those concepts are clouded by racism, fatphobia, ableism, classism, misogyny, or any other form of oppression. A person's name, pronouns, and presentation does not define their gender. Rather, these are tools that some of us may or may not use to help communicate or validate our identities externally, but they can never fully encapsulate the matrices of colors and light that are refracted within us. Always ask rather than assume; never label when you can dismantle.

Meredith Talusan is Senior Editor for them. and an award-winning journalist and author. They have written features, essays, and opinion pieces for many publications, including The Guardian, The Atlantic, VICE, Matter, Backchannel, The Nation, Mic, BuzzFeed News, and The American Prospect. She received 2017 GLAAD Media and Deadline Awards, and has contributed to several books, including Nasty Women: Feminism, Resistance, and Revolution in Trump's America.

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