Like We Always Do At This Time

Happy 2017! Part of my resolution this year is to blog more, and it’s actually two pronged as it’s both a writing exercise and training not to care too much about others’ perception of me. It’s my way of overcoming being too much of a people pleaser. (I swear, this is the worst trait you can have!!!) There will always be someone to disagree with your thoughts and opinions, but you have to speak up, anyway. As much as I want to be perfect and make each and every one of my loved ones (and okay fine, even random strangers I probably shouldn’t care about as much as I do) happy, I can’t. It’s just really not possible with our varied backgrounds and all. If it’s not someone else’s toes I end up stepping on, it’s me stumbling on my own two feet keeping my mouth shut and dying a bit inside, so might as well do it – respectfully, of course! So here’s to being a better, more authentic person this 2017. No more biting my tongue and holding out. Ironic how hitting the brakes on being what you perceive to be perfect will make you a better person, noh? Hopefully my logic wasn’t faulty in coming up with this resolution. Or else I’d end up being a jerk, which although I would love to stop being a people pleaser, I don’t want to be either.

Speaking of faulty resolutions, I’m gauging how well I did with last year’s, when I chose to be more disciplined. It didn’t exactly run smoothly. In fact, what pops into mind right now were the moments when I wasn’t. Oops. It was a good year still, though. I was finally able to cut some of my Singapore weight off – literally and figuratively. I finally gathered enough strength to leave something good for the chance of something better. I learned to let go of something that no longer fits, even if doing so disappointed some people (trust me, there’ll be those who’ll be happy too! You yourself should be one of them!). And best of all, last year showed me the significance and reality of hope. That even if shit happens, there’s still a whole lotta good in the world; or in incidents so dreary that I couldn’t find any silver lining, I can rest in the knowledge that things will eventually pass. Year after year, I come in expecting the worst from the unknown – I foresee trials and challenges and disappointment – because hey, such is life, yet the form it comes in usually still surprises me.. But not as much as how my own resilience and strength surprises me. I went through that?! It really shouldn’t come as a shock because we’re built to fight back. I recently noticed a ring form around a bite on my leg, so being curious (and worried that it was some deadly bug that attacked), I googled and learned that it was the body’s way of fighting off and containing the infection. How amazing is that?! If the teensiest part of my body can defend and rally for me automatically, why shouldn’t the bigger, more intelligent parts wilfully do the same?

You hear that, heart and mind? We got this. We are built for life and all its glory and crazies.

So, this year, stop being afraid. Of not being perfect, of falling short, of not being good enough, of not being as good as I’d want to be, of not being worthy of what I want, of the love I want. I will work on myself and I will believe in myself. And as always, I will believe in the goodness of life and this world – even if there are times that it’s easier to whine in defeat. I will not be afraid of beginnings, just as I won’t be afraid of endings. I will face conflict and disappointments head on. I will see things as opportunities and not losses. I will put faith in relationships and trust that “just Reg” is as good as “trying to be perfect Reg”. I won’t be afraid of disagreeing because I am secure in our space. I won’t be afraid to step out of my comfort zone and learn new ways of doing things. I won’t hesitate to say no, either. I won’t be afraid of admitting my shortcomings and celebrating my victories. I won’t be afraid of failure just as I won’t be afraid of greatness. I will let my soul sing and let my heart dance along. I will love myself, work on myself, and I will live my life the best way I believe to be and know I can.

And in the wise words of Kanye, I go for mine, I got to shine, now throw your hands up in the sky x