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Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Ever hear of Silent Saturday? It's a hot button topic among the youth soccer crowd and it's a subject I decided to take on today. I'm guest posting over at Coach Daddy, so go say hi to Eli and see exactly what I have to say about Silent Saturday. Click here to see my post.

Eli is a dad AND a soccer coach himself, so he knows the frustrations of dealing with refs, kids and especially parents, who are the reason this whole thing started in the first place.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Now's your chance to make some new friends, meet some new folks and win some awesome prizes! Yours truly has teamed up with some amazing peeps to bring you an awesome contest where you can win some really cool stuff!

And I'm giving away a $25 Amazon Gift Card and a signed copy of Parenting Gag Reel!

*Prizes show in pictures above may not be actual prizes awarded

Here's how you can win:

Like the Facebook pages of all of the vendors for an entry, Tweet about the giveaway every day for an entry, and if there is a blog, leave a comment! How much simpler could it be? And what are you waiting for??

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A month ago I started the Isagenix program at the same time as I started a new DietBet. In 4 weeks, my goal was to lose at least 4% of my starting weight. I ended up losing more than that. My overall loss for the month as of last Friday was 13 lbs. However, after going to Girls Weekend with my mid-west Durannie girls, I put 2 of those lbs. back on in alcohol. No biggie, I still lost 11 lbs. AND won.....drumroll please.........$44.53 in the DietBet plan.

If not for the obscene amount of alcohol and crappy food I ate over the weekend, my 13 lb. weight loss on the Isagenix plan pretty much kicks ass! I take full responsibility for those 2 lbs. I put back on (but it was so worth it).

Isagenix is a really easy plan that I followed and the only time I was really EVER hungry was on the days that I did the cleansing. Those days I was looking at the dogs like Sylvester looked at Tweety. But the cleanse is one day a week and I can do anything for one day, right? And it was definitely worth the results, because my pants are fitting better, my skin feels great and I have a ton of energy. Hell, I ran 6 miles over girls weekend in 1000% humidity and 95 degree heat.

If I can do it, anyone can. Seriously. Let me know if you're interested in trying Isagenix for a month and I'll hook you up with my friend HappyKate!!

And if you're interested in participating in the latest DietBet in which I'm participating, visit this website, pay your $20 entry fee and start losing the weight!! You'll feel better and you can win some decent change!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

I've been running a lot more lately to get this weight off (again) and thought I'd share with you, my dear Snarklings, my running playlist. I've got the strangest taste in music, and I'm sure after reading this list, you'll be all like, "WTF, Snarky? Who the hell listens to that anymore??" Well me, that's who. Prepare to....
scratch your head and wonder what the hell I'm thinking when you see my playlist.

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga I remember doing a Zumba routine to this song when I went to Zumba with Aaron at our gym. Trust me, I don't break out into my Zumba routine when I'm running. You're welcome, running partners.

Dance With Me Tonight - Olly Murs It's a fun, upbeat song. I like fun, upbeat when I run.

Everybody Dance Now - C&C Music Factory I LOVE me some 90's dance tunes. And when I hear it, I speed up just thinking about Vince Vaughn doing the choreographed routine in Old School to this song.

Lose Yourself - Eminem Nothing gets me more pumped than this song when I start out running. And yes, when I hear this, I rap right along with Em. (I call him Em, we're close like that)

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull Another great song from Zumba with Aaron. THIS is one I always want to stop running and start Zumba'ing to, but for the sake of everyone else I'm running with, I don't. Again, you're welcome.

Word Up - Cameo Oh how I love this song. I used to have it as my ringtone but I got tired of just hearing the first few seconds of it. Momma, come on baby tell me what's the word, the word up!

Turn This Mutha Out - MC Hammer Don't be dissing the Hammer. You know if this song was playing right now, you'd be jamming.

Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot Shut up, you know you love this one. Admit it, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung

Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync Justin Timberlake before he had to go and bring sexy back. And those other 4 guys who sang with him. I have to fight the urge to jump on the down beats

The Final Countdown - Europe CRAZY good song. EPIC song. The opening synth is so hot it gets my blood pumping, which really does help with a long run

Thrift Shop - Macklemore What what, what what? No, these are NOT my grandad's clothes. The sax on this song makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I run faster

Live Like We're Young - One Direction See Til I Forget About You (it's those kids!!)

It Takes Two - Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock Have you figured out yet that I'm a huge fan of the late 80's and 90's dance stuff? Cuz this shit's da bomb when I'm slowing down, tired and in need of a boost.

Gotta Keep Them Separated - The Offspring This is the story of my two darling kids. And it's got a fast beat, which helps

Far From Over - Frank Stallone Give me any shit about this song and I'll have his brother Sylvester beat you up. This is a good motivating song when you're tired. SAVE ME DARLING! I am down but I am far from over!!

Blame the Machines - Duran Duran You knew you couldn't get away without at least one Duran Duran song on my list, didn't you? This is from their last album and has a great, fast beat

Everybody Walk the Dinosaur - Was Not Was Yes. Yes I like this song. I like it very much.

Headstrong - Trapt I like a good headbanging song every so often. Makes me appreciate the dance tunes that much more when they come on.

I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones Bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah bah, I wish this run was over

Planet Rock - Afrika Bambaataa & The Soulsonic Force This, IMO, is the ULTIMATE 80's song, I've always loved it and I always will love it and if it doesn't come on while I'm running, I put it on when I'm cooling down. That's how much I love it

So there you have it, Snarklings. That is just a handful of the plethora of songs I have on my phone that I enjoy listening to when I run. Some of them you may like, some you may hate, some you may not have ever heard before, but they are all mine and I love 'em all.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

I have a low tolerance for bullshit. I think that's fairly obvious. Many of you who are regular readers of the blog or my Facebook page know that I can't stand stupid people, or people who are famous for no good reason, or people who are selfish assbags. Or any combination of those traits.

Cue this guy. Dude falls asleep at a Skankees - Red Sox game. Now, I'm not a rocket scientist, but I also don't live under a freaking rock. I know there's a huge rivalry between the Skankees and the Sox. But this poor bastard apparently cares nothing for the rivalry. In fact, he was so bored at the game back in April, he fell asleep. Enter ESPN sports commentators Dan Shulman and John Kruk. The ESPN camera pans to this sleeping beauty, Shulman and Kruk say something about him and move on with their lives. Sleepy gets his panties in a bunch and decides to sue MLB, ESPN, The Skankees, Dan Shulman and The Krukker for $10 million clams.

Are you freaking kidding me?? This guy's over-inflated sense of self worth is astounding to me. He claims 'substantial injury to his character and reputation'. Oh and add in 'mental anguish, LOSS OF FUTURE INCOME, and loss of earning capacity'. Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.

$10 million?? This guy falls asleep, gets spotted by the cameras, the announcers say something about him being comfy and he believes he's owed TEN. MILLION. DOLLARS. I want to punch this guy in the nuts.

First of all, he's a Skankees fan. What self-respecting Skankees fan FALLS ASLEEP during a game against the Red Sox?? And on what planet would this schlepp make $10 million in his lifetime??

Secondly, Shulman and Kruk never actually said any of the things he's claiming they said on their broadcast. Perhaps when their mics were off or in their heads, but not in the actual broadcast. So why in GOD'S name does this assbag feel he is entitled to TEN. MILLION. DOLLARS??

My eyes have rolled so far back into my brain I'm seeing grey matter.
How about you? Do you think this guy has a leg to stand, er, sleep on?

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

I had to drive 14 to Penn State University this past weekend for volleyball camp, and having never driven up there myself, I required the use of a GPS. Luckily we have a Garmin that I bought off Groupon several years ago, and I also have the Waze GPS app on my phone. If you haven't downloaded the Waze app, stop reading, get your phone and download it. I'll wait. Seriously. It's worth it. Oh, and did I mention it's free?

For shits and giggles, we put the address in both GPSs (GPSes? GPS's?) whatever the hell the plural of GPS is, we set 'em both up. Samantha (who is my girl who tells me where to go on the Waze app) had us arriving 2 minutes earlier than Jack. Jack is the male dude on my Garmin, and dude was SURE his way was the right way. Dumbass.

Off we went. They were both in agreement until we got to just north of Bedford. Driving in GPS harmony was lovely. Then Jack wanted us to take the PA Turnpike. Jack apparently thinks we've got money we can just piss away. Samantha, on the other hand, being much wiser and more thrifty, opted to take Rt. 220 to US 99. When we made the left (Samantha's direction) instead of the right (Jack's choice), Jack got all pissy and was like: "Recalculating, you stupid humans. Don't you know that my way is ALWAYS best??" Well, he did say the first part, but that second part was TOTALLY inferred in his tone. Whatever, Jack. I don't have the extra cash to spend on the damn Turnpike, so screw you, I'm following Samantha's advice.

This did not make Jack very happy. Jack disagreed with everything Samantha said after that. If she said go right, Jack said "No, dummy, LEFT, go LEFT". If Samantha said "In 300 feet, stay to the right" Jack would snidely respond "Only an IDIOT would stay to the right. Pffft." I swear, my GPS pfffted at me. How dare he??

Needless to say, Jack spent the remainder of the trip muted. And when Samantha would tell us to take a right, 14 and I would mock him. "Ooooh look Jack, we're going right!! What are YOU gonna do about it??"

Overall it was an uneventful trip made enjoyable by the dueling devices on my dash.

Flash forward to yesterday, when I needed to go to the Coast Guard base close to where I live in West Virginia (read that sentence again and tell me if it makes sense that there is a Coast Guard base in WEST. VIRGINIA.) So hubby gets Jack ready to go, and I, of course, get Samantha all queued up and off we go. Now here's where it got interesting. Jack kept losing his mind. Well, technically, his satellites. He kept having to reacquire satellites. Every 30 feet, Jack would say "Reacquiring satellites". I just figured he was pissed off and being bitchy since we didn't listen to his advice on Sunday. But then Samantha stopped telling me the name of streets on which I needed to turn. "Turn left..." Not "Turn left in 200 feet" or "Turn left on Smith Street". No, girlfriend was just telling me to turn, but giving me NO indications as to WHERE I had to turn.

Here's what I think happened. I left my phone in the car Sunday night. Jack got all smooth talking and made his moves on Samantha; Samantha, while coy at first, must have warmed up to Jack's charms and he somehow got into her inner workings and flipped some switch inside. Only not the good switch that a girl WANTS flipped, but a bad switch that makes her do stupid stuff. Like not tell me what street I needed to turn. And now, the two of them are plotting against me.