Question: I have been celebrate for almost three years, and am terrified to “get back out there.” Any tips on how to reverse or overcome my apparent phobia?

Answer: This can be a scary question to even ask, the I applaud you on putting yourself out there by showcasing self awareness of your nervousness.

It’s tough for EVERYONE to be out there, whether they have never dated, never had sexual partners, etc, whether they have taken some time off from being sexual, or whether they have a different partner every week. We all innately have a huge fear of rejection, whether from family, friends, potential partners, current partners, employers, etc. Being “out there,” what ever that looks like, can be really hard for any one.

Tip number 1: Be yourself. It’s very easy to try and mimic people in magazines, TV shows, fashion shows, head of cliques, etc. Sometimes it feels as though playing a role is easier than being ourselves, because if we do wind up feeling rejected, we can comfort ourselves with the idea that it was out facade that was rejected, not actually ourselves. However, being yourself is a) easier, because you’re not trying to be someone else and b) better, because if you do wind up finding someone you like, and they are interested back, you will KNOW that it is truly you they like, and not wonder if it is the role you’re playing.

Tip number 2: Don’t make too many goals. When we are so set on finding someone to kiss/fuck/date/marry/bring home to mom, we often psych ourselves out. Most couples will tell you that they found their ideal partner just when they had given up looking, or had taken a step back from aggressively searching. Why? Because it’s easier to just be you when you aren’t searching actively for someone, and because people will see a more relaxed you, rather than the trying to impress people you, which is usually what people prefer.

Tip number 3: Meet people in areas of YOUR interest. For some reason, it’s thought that meeting people in bars is a great idea. And it is possible that for some specific people, it is. If you frequently hang out in bars, that might be a good place to try. However, if like most people, you hang out more often in places that don’t have tall stools and booze, you should try to meet people in areas in which you feel comfortable. Like chess? Chat up that cutie at chess club. More of a runner? Ask that smarty pants to be your jogging buddy! Spend a lot of time volunteering at an animal shelter? See if your fellow volunteer would like to talk up the cute kitties and puppies after your shift. This way, you know you already have a shared interest that goes beyond getting wasted.

Tip number 4: Be gentle to yourself. Getting “back out there” can feel incredibly intense, and if you are super nervous about it, you may either go under board or overboard, over share or under share…and guess what? It’s all ok. Just take your time, relax, and congratulate yourself for even giving it a good try and getting back out there. No hurry on finding the one, whether it’s for one evening or for longer. Take a breath, take care of yourself.

Best of luck,

-Shanna

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First of all, legally, it depends completely on where you live. Some states, if you have sex before you are 18, even if your partner is also under 18, it is still illegal depending on the age difference. If you are young (ie, under 18), make sure you know your state’s laws before you make ANY choices, so you know what could possibly happen if you or your partner’s parents are not ok with what is going on. Keep in mind that purchasing sex toys that are billed as sex toys (versus back massagers from the Sharper Image) is also reserved for those 18 and older.

If you’re talking about physically too young, anything prior to puberty is WAY too young. Period. Bodies are not designed to be sexually active with each other before puberty. That being said, physically ready is far less important than being emotionally and mentally ready. As far as emotionally and mentally maturity, it varies A LOT from person to person. I have met sexually active 15 year olds that can talk to me about having gotten STI tests, being on birth control and using a barrier method, discussing the “What Ifs: with their partner, etc. To me, they understand more of the pros and cons of having sex than some 30 year olds I’ve met who do not think at all about the consequences of being sexually active. I’ve met more the my fair share of adults who are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to be having sex (in my opinion).

Basically, what I am trying to say is there is no cut and dry way to know if you are ready for sex or not, but if YOU are pondering if you are too young for it, that sounds to me like maybe you are. No one ever got hurt from waiting a little bit longer to be sexually active, regardless if they were 14, 18, 36 or 82. Take a little bit longer to figure out if what you are planning on is the right fit for both you and your partner, and then you can look at your decision again in a little bit.

Sorry I don’t have some magical answer, but like most things sexually associated, there just is not one perfect answer to questions.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at it; nor does semen provide your daily nutritional needs in the protein department.

Feel free to choose whether to swallow or not; that is always and will always be up to you. Just remember the following:

a) Semen can contain STIs, so get you and your partner tested on a full STI panel before you make this decsion.

b) Swallowing does not make oral sex better or worse than letting them ejaculate elsewhere (chest, face, back, towel, shower, bed, themselves, etc). Do it if you like it, but know it doesn’t change the sensation.

c) Semen is not a good source of any vitamins, minerals, or nutrition. It will not make your hair shinier, whiten your teeth, make your skin smoother, etc. Those are all false statements, but ones that are bandied about quite often.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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Question: We’re a college age lesbian couple. We don’t have a ton of cash, so we can only buy one or two toys right now. What is the best sex toy for lesbians?

Answer: That looks like a question with an easy answer, but unfortunately, it is not. There is no one perfect sex toy…for anyone. That is regardless of gender, orientation, relationship status, etc. Here are some possible scenarios — maybe one will fit the two of you and you can find the perfect toy that way!

*Both of you really enjoy oral sex. Sounds like a great toy to invest in might be a tongue vibrator (if you like vibration), a good bottle of glycerin-free flavored lube (if you like flavored cunnilingus), or maybe nipple clamps if you want nipple simulation while your partner’s hands and mouth are busy elsewhere!

*You two want to try out some penetration action. I’d suggest buying a harness compatible dildo (so if you like it, you can always add a harness when your budget allows). Now you need to decide if you like realistic dildos like the Vixen Bandit, or something more whimsical like the Tantus Echo. Neither floats your boat? How about the Bandito from Fun Factory!

This person had THREE questions, so I’ll answer them all together in one post.

Question 1: Is a man’s prostate equivlent to a woman’s clitoris or G-spot during sexual arousal?

Answer 1: It is much more similar to the G-spot (or Grafenberg spot) than it is to the clitoris. The clitoris is the same tissue as the head/tip of the penis (the clitoral hood is similar to the penile foreskin). While the G-spot and prostate (some people call it the P-spot) are not similar tissue, the deep, internal, full body orgasms that they can help to create are much more similar than those more intense, genital centric external orgasm driven by clitoral or penile stimulation.

Question 2: Is sex better with a circumcised person or an uncircumcised person?

Answer 2: It depends on the person. Sex can be different, and in general, there is a big push against male infant circumcision right now, as some studies have show that it can remove pleasurable areas for the penis possesser. However, as far as whether a person is better at sex? It has nothing to do with circumcision, but more on knowledge, their listening ability and practice.

Question 3: What amount of protein does cum have?

Answer 3: The average amount of ejaculation has lots of different nutrients in it; similar to what composes the human body. It contains approximately 150 MG of semen…so just a trace amount that will not actually affect your daily protein intake. I’ve definitely heard people say things like “just swallow — that way you can get like 30 grams of protein” — it’s total bull. Swallow if you want to, but please don’t do so solely for the purpose of ingesting protein!

Shanna

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