Am I Crazy to Consider Homeschooling My Son?

I’m 32 and have had multiple sclerosis for 3 years. My son is 9 and has ADHD and is really struggling in school. I’ve been considering homeschooling him and I think I could do it, but all of my friends and family I’ve mentioned it to have said I am crazy. I have a lot of concerns –I’m worried about my energy in the future.

I really catch up physically on the hours he is at school now, so something would have to give. And how it will affect him to not have so many friends? The last thing either he or I need is more hours at home alone without an activity. I have this summer to decide. -Jenny

Hi, Jenny!

It sounds like from your email you feel as though you are being called in this direction. Most moms–myself included–may never even dream of homeschooling our kids because either we know it would not be a good fit for him or her–and us–or we just can’t fathom it. If you are considering it then you have already helped me understand that it may be more than just an passing interest to you, but rather something God may be communicating with you.

First, pray about it and keep praying.

I never planned to homeschool my son, but this Spring, situations arose and God placed us in the position to homeschool–despite my resistance. You know how some people pray God won’t call them to Africa? Well, I always told God I would do anything for Him–except homeschool. So. . . yes, you guessed it! Switching schools, admission availability and other circumstances arose where I found myself homeschooling for a few months.

God likes to stretch us, doesn’t He?

Secondly, connect with other homeschooling moms who are ill.

There are actually many communities out there of women with chronic illness who are homeschooling and they can give realistic advice, as they will share the joys, but also the challenges. You can find our own group here at Rest Ministries in the Sunroom, our social network–Beyond Surviving Homeschooling. We also have a Pinterest Page of resources for Homeschooling Moms Who Are Ill.

It is possible. It can even be very successful! But remember that how you homeschool and how your child learns, may not look exactly like how others do it. That is the benefit of homeschooling–it can be flexible.

Thirdly, ask yourself what kind of learning style your child has.

What is his personality? For example, if he has a sanguine personality and wants to be around other children a lot, you may find yourself exhausted trying to school him at home, join a charter school, and then provide him with activities or sports to keep him with other children where he thrives. If you have a daughter who is more melancholy, the demands to provide an outlet for social skills to build may not be as intense, but you will also want to make sure she doesn’t become to isolated and that she still has friends to play with.

Does he enjoy learning out of books and reading, or is he more hands on and you will feel like a failure if you aren’t at the science museum once a week?

What is your personality? Are you a perfectionist who expects your child to learn in the same way you do? Just exactly how much patience do you really have? (And, do we ever really know?)

Are your child’s needs a good fit with what you can offer? You mentioned that your son has ADHD. If you are bedridden part of the time and will be teaching horizontally, that may not work out so well with a child with severe ADHD who wants to jump on the bed while you teach. Can he be calm enough that you can teach him something, even when you cannot be involved every second? (For example, many teachers recommend to homeschooling moms to let the child learn on an ipad, but the apps for learning never hold my son’s attention more than a few minutes.)

Examine your family’s individual needs. Every family is different. And that brings me to my last point. . .

Do you have a spouse who will support you?

Does he expect dinner on the table every. . . single. . . night? Will he complain about scrambled eggs for dinner now and then? When you are exhausted will he help out with bedtime routines, or tell you that if your child went to school you would have more energy to do the laundry and he wouldn’t have to be helping out at night? This decision should be a joint decision and if your spouse is resistant to the idea it is likely a matter of time before you feel defeated. The last thing your child needs is to feel like he is causing strife between mom and dad because he is learning at home.

Talk with your spouse realistically about what it could be like (and find some of those answers from the other moms in support groups.) Is he willing to help you prepare some meals for the freezer on the weekends? Will he take your child for bicycle rides on the weekends or do a science experiment or two to help with some of the homeschooling goals? What are his expectations about what your child will learn or if you are “coddling” too much? The more you can discuss in advance, the easier the transition will be.

Do you have a support network who will really be there?

Do you have extended family who will be able to support you–and not tell you that you took on too much so it’s your own fault? Who will help out when you have a bad flare for a few weeks? Who will watch your child when you need to have labs and tests done and your child cannot come? You wrote that you have mentioned the possibility of homeschooling to friends and family and they all have “said you were crazy.” Your choice needs to be independent of what others think. At the same time, if you choose to homeschool, chances are they won’t be in line to help you out. They could have the attitude of “she made this bed and now she has to lay in it.”

You will need to have some sort of support network of people who can help when times get tough and that can be hard to come by. If your friends and relatives don’t support your homeschooling, they likely won’t help for extended periods of time when you need them. And though the homeschooling community will support your decision to homeschool your son, they will likely have very full lives themselves and not able to do much to help you with logistics such as meals or childcare more than a day or two, if that. Something to consider.

From a mom who is there right now, we were able to find a charter school that has a wonderful philosophy about learning styles and children learning in many ways. It has truly been a miracle and my son and I are both hopeful he will be back int he 5-day program for the fall, but we still aren’t sure.

I don’t know where you live and what is available, but if you still aren’t sure about homeschooling, consider if there are other possibilities between full-time public school and homeschooling, including charter schools who have 2- or 3-day programs for kids who are homeschooled.

I wish you the best of future and let us know how it has all turned out.

5 Responses to Am I Crazy to Consider Homeschooling My Son?

Lisa what an excellent job of addressing all the many issues jenny may encounter and things to consider when making this hard decision. It is so great that God allowing you to share some of what he has already let you and your family learn and experience. As always it is not what we expect and sometimes not what we’d prefer buf His ways and thoughts always. Higher than our own .
Jenny , I also homeschooled all three of my children, it was not what I had planned or even desired, but as always God’s plan was better. During the corse of that time I had several life changing diagnosis of illnesses as well as my son having a tramatic brain injury accident. Which he by gods grace recovered from. But because we homeschooled i was able to work with him & therapist continually to relearn all he lost.
So my words to you are, if God is directing you He has a reason. It may be for only a season. But He will give you the strength and hope and all that you need to accomplish it. I pray He will grant you wisdom as your family makes this decision. Blessings diane

Jenny, we part home schooled our youngest son (ADHD, mild intellectual disability & a couple of other things) most of his school life. Not easy, but well worth it in the long run. We were told it was not possible to part home school, but it happened. God knew what was needed & it all worked out. He developed way more than we were told was possible. Many of the avenues we used were not the “normal” ones, but worked best for our son & us! Admittedly, at the time I was well & it still was tiring.

I pray that God will reveal what is best for you…..even if it seems impossible. God will help you, whatever you decide. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn

I have a chronic illness that has me down 3-5 days a week and I have 2 sons with chronic illnesses.. Sometimes I homeschool from my bed or from lying on the couch. I have homeschooled 8 years like this. I have a son that has learning and physical issues and we make it work for us. It is nice that when he is struggling, I can take the time we need to slow down and make sure he “gets” it before we move on. I can make sure he learns it before moving on. Homeschool does not have to happen between 7am-3pm. We homeschool lots of different hours. If I have to have surgery, we adjust. Doctors appointments, we adjust. He takes his work with him a lot of the time. If God is leading you to do it, you will be able to. Just be patient and find what works for you. We have an awesome homeschool assessor (here in Ohio) that has been a huge help! We are also part of a homeschool group that offers some classes that saves me teaching some classes. I am praying for you!

I am chronically ill and homeschool my two kids. Homeschooling is a lifestyle. Are you family oriented? Do you love discovering things alongside your child? Do you want to encourage a closer relationship? Do you have friends who are homeschooling and can be a resource of help for you?

Some days I teach from bed. Some days I teach from the other side of the bathroom door. Some days I have THEM read to ME because I can’t manage it. Although I often feel like I’m less than capable, they are doing very well with their studies. They are learning…but more than I thought to teach them. They’re learning what it means to be in a supportive family. They’re learning that you shouldn’t take on too much during the week and exhaust yourself. They’re learning they don’t have to do everything (a lesson many burnt out families could use). They’re learning to be compassionate and think of others before themselves. They’re learning how God can and does provide daily for us weather it’s financially, spiritually, physically.

They are learning so much more than the basics taught in school. So, as often as I wish I might do more, I’d never trade this. Ever.

Hi Jenny, I homeschooled my oldest 3 children on and off for 7 years. Like you, I was apprehensive so many years ago when God first put it on my heart to homeschool my oldest son. But as I prayed about it, the Lord confirmed that this was what His will for me and my child. It felt like I was taking a HUGE step of faith because at the time I didn’t know anyone who was homeschooling. But as I began to look into it, I discovered that my community had a Homeschool League that wound up being a wealth of information. And I discovered that there are many options for homeschooling available… from satellite classes to online classes to being able to join a type of co-op classes with other homeschool parents for certain subjects.

At the time, my oldest son was only in first grade, so it was pretty easy to homeschool him myself. A couple years later, it was time for my oldest daughter to start kindergarten, so I began homeschooling her as well. She also has ADHD, so it was definitely more challenging to homeschool her since she had a harder time staying focused and on task. However, with God’s help, I was able to do it, and it wound up being a blessing.

There was a point where I had a medical emergency when my oldest son was in fourth grade and my oldest daughter was in 1st grade… it was during the 2nd half of the school year and I wound up in the hospital for days with the docs trying to figure out what was going on in my body. At that point we did have to put my 2 oldest in a Christian school where many of our church friends had their children. And they went the following year as well, as my health continued to very slowly improve… and by that time, my youngest daughter was starting school as well.

As others have already stated, if God is leading you in this direction, He will equip you and provide a way for you to do this and it will be a blessed time. But I would pray about it and be sure this is where God is leading you. And in the meantime, look into the different options. Lisa has given you some really good things to think about and consider.

One more thing I will leave you with is that after my youngest daugher finished kindergarten at the Christian school, where she had a wonderful year, she asked me if I would homeschool her the following year for 1st grade. My other two children were enjoying the Christian school so they wanted to go back there the following year, and at the time, we could afford it, so I agreed to homeschool my youngest daugher by herself for 1st grade.

However, over the summer, I discovered that I had thyroid cancer. Both sides of my thyroid were removed at the end of July and then I had to go weeks without any thyroid replacement to get my body ready for the cancer treatment, which caused my body to get weaker and weaker, and my brain function to slow down more and more. I was petrified as to how I could homeschool my daughter with my body and health going through such a crisis. But by God’s grace, and with His help, I was able to do it… we started her schooling after Labor Day and she took to it like a duck to water! And it wound up being a very special year for both of us. Many years later, she told me that was her very favorite year. So God has a way of making the impossible possible and blessing it in a most beautiful way!

I will be praying for you Jenny as you look for God’s guidance in this! God bless you!
~ Shelly