Just when you think the romantic interspecies love story between the alien ambassador of intergalactic space fucking Rihanna and perpetually horny human beard hair Leonardo DiCaprio could only get more romantic, he goes and proves that wild sluts are loyal to NO ONE, not even other wild sluts. Radar says that on Saturday night, Princess Ooh-Na-Na of the planet Nasty-6 and Leo DiCaprio both attended the same pre-Grammy party at 1Oak. But instead of rubbing their mouths on each other (as is custom between those two), Leo was caught rubbing his dirty cracker crumb-covered hobo beard all over the face of some random blonde model type. That far-away sound you just heard was the people of Nasty-6 weeping in sadness for their Princess.

An insider (a tiny coke-snorting mouse named Kai who lives in the walls of 1Oak) claims that while RiRi was hanging out with the owner at his table downstairs, Jack Nicholson Jr. was at a table a few feet away by the DJ booth making out with that yachtwrecking skank (Leo’s home is a boat, right?). The ‘insider’ doesn’t say whether or not RiRi was bothered by her former fuck partner mouth humping on a new lady, but I’m guessing either she didn’t care or she’s already forgotten she ever had a thing with him. “Leo who? Oh, you mean the boat dude who kept crying in his sleep about a dude named Oscar.”

Or maybe they’re still a down-low thing, but he was just making out with that random model because he had to. I would assume that after years of near-constant exposure to bony butt panty peddlers, his boner has become dependent on their energy and he needs to suck face with them to survive. It’s all science, really.

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