Three Practical Ways to Save Your Kiss for Your Wedding Day

I decided to save my first kiss for my wedding day long before I started dating. Some will applaud this decision. Others will scoff and roll their eyes. Others will pity me for being a product of my conservative Christian upbringing.

My conviction was shaped through many years of attending weddings my dad, a pastor, was officiating. Some couples had saved their first kiss, some had not. Some weddings deeply moved me in their Christ-centered simplicity. The pure, strong love I saw some couples share in Christ made a deep impression on me.

I wanted to save my first kiss for several reasons. I knew that opening physical door to physical intimacy in a relationship could lead one or both of us into sin. Many people, I understand, are fine with it. Somehow, I knew it would be a bigger struggle for me. I also wanted to avoid the “how far can I go?” mindset in my relationship.

At first, I was hesitant about having my first kiss in front of a church full of people. What if it’s awkward?

I had seen an awkward first kiss at the alter before, and boy, it was awkward. But I had also seen more normal first kisses at the alter.

That’s kind of a private and intimate moment. Why share it with so many people?

For me, it came down to shame. Where should I feel more shame—sneaking a kiss before marriage and wondering if I sinned in some way, or a first and potentially awkward kiss in front of a bunch of people celebrating our union?

Nowhere in the Bible does it talk about shame in purity, because there is no shame in giving away your first kiss on your wedding day. Plus, there will be plenty of private kisses. If you want to know some more of my reasons, check out my blog post. In it, I also link to Phylicia’s excellent post, 5 Myths About Saving Your First Kiss for the Wedding Day.

I do not know where you are today. I don’t know where you stand before God, what your relationship status is, or how you are striving to honor Him in your relationship. If you are trying to save your first kiss, or anything else, these tips are for you. This is what I am doing—a girl who has been in a relationship for fifteen months and has not kissed. These three basic tips apply to any fight for purity, whether you decide to kiss before marriage or not.

Tell Your Family and Boyfriend Your Standard

When I made my decision, I told my parents. When I started dating, my dad told my boyfriend. “Anna decided to save her first kiss for her wedding day. Are you willing to do the same thing as long as you’re dating her?”

My boyfriend said yes.

A few months ago, my dad asked me, “Has your boyfriend ever tried to kiss you?” I was so thankful I could honestly say no, he had never tried. I was also so thankful that my dad was asking me these questions to keep me accountable. Maybe this seems too basic, but it is so important. We must establish accountability. And we have to ask our boyfriends to not tempt us.

This is a great boyfriend litmus test, by the way. If a guy is not willing to wait to kiss, he may not be willing to wait for anything else. It is also a red flag if he says he is willing, but then keeps trying to weaken your resolve. Don’t date someone who is pushing the boundaries and trying to get you to compromise.

If you know you should not do it in person, then don’t do it in your mind. Your mind is a battleground and your thoughts drive your actions. You cannot expect that you won’t compromise physically if you are compromising mentally. Again, this principle applies to saving your first kiss, saving your virginity, and fighting for your purity. If you want to know more why virginity and purity are not the same thing, check out Phylicia’s article.

If we are indulging our minds then we have already lost our purity. Saving our first kiss isn’t a badge we wear. Saving our virginity isn’t a pledge we sign. These things are actions to honor the Lord. But outward holiness paired with inward corruption is not honoring to God.

Saving your first kiss starts in your mind.

Don’t Imagine Kissing Him

If you know you should not do it in person, then don’t do it in your mind. Your mind is a battleground and your thoughts drive your actions.

You cannot expect that you won’t compromise physically if you are compromising mentally.

Again, this principle applies to saving your first kiss, saving your virginity, and fighting for your purity. If you want to know more why virginity and purity are not the same thing, check out Phylicia’s article.

If we are indulging our minds then we have already lost our purity. Saving our first kiss isn’t a badge we wear. Saving our virginity isn’t a pledge we sign. These things are actions to honor the Lord. But outward holiness paired with inward corruption is not honoring to God.

Saving your first kiss starts in your mind.

Pray

I will be the first to tell you that I cannot save my first kiss without the help of the Lord. I am far too weak and far too sinful. However, God has brought me this far and I know He can bring me all the way.

Ephesians 2 talks about how it is by grace we have been saved, not by works, so that no man may boast. Saving my first kiss is not a way that I earn the favor of God, nor is it a boast I can make.

Every moment that I crucify my flesh, every day I strive for purity, is a testimony that only God’s grace can change a wretched sinner such as me.

What if you already gave away your first kiss? What if you have regrets? I heard from a girl who had made the same commitment as I have, but when she was pressured by her boyfriend, she compromised. What if that’s you? Is there hope?

Because grace saves us, we can rejoice even with painful pasts. God doesn’t count our past sins to us. He counted them to Jesus on the cross.

Adam and Eve had paradise. It was perfect, unspoiled, new. But they sinned and were expelled from the garden, away from God’s presence. We are a human race tainted by sin. However, when Christ returns to claim His redeemed bride, there will be far more rejoicing than Adam and Eve in the garden. Why is that?

Because now, after we have sinned and run away, God’s love for us is painted vividly on the cross. If Adam and Eve had never sinned, we would not have known that God would have sent His Son to die for us. We would never have known the sacrificial extent of His love.

There is hope for every sinner. There is hope for your future marriage if you gave away your first kiss or your virginity too soon. God is in the business of taking broken sinners and replacing shame with holiness.

If you do decide to save your first kiss for your wedding day, I hope you will use these tips. We are striving for purity before God, which starts in the heart and flows outward. These three practical tips—informing your parents and boyfriend, praying, and not imaging kissing—will help you pursue purity in a way that glorifies God.

Reader Interactions

Comments

Great post Anna! This was super practical and helpful to me, and I will keep these tips in mind! Your point about daydreaming was especially helpful, as I have lately been reevaluating the “daydream boundaries” I’ve set for myself.

Thank you for posting this. I wasn’t 100% sure about kissing, but deep down I felt like it was best to wait. After all, kissing is the physical manifestation of the spiritual truth of being united; two humans share breath with each other, depicting the moment God gave us breath, and the continual filling of the Holy Spirit. God doesn’t want us spiritually “kissing” this world, does He? Then part of me was like, “Oh, come on! Not even when you get engaged? Even your parents probably did that!” But my heart is deceitful and desperately wicked above all things, and there’s no way I can know what I would do if I asked for temptation. I’ve already made some mistakes, and I thank God for His forgiveness. I am looking forward to being desired by someone who loves God enough to save us both for that day.

I loved these tips! As a 28 year woman who is saving her first kiss, this was a good topic for an article! I was wondering what your thoughts were on when to broach this subject with a man. After a few dates? When you are an “official couple?”

I’ve not had a boyfriend before so I’m not going off experience here. There is a Godly man beginning to show interest and I’m not sure when to bring this up.

I would bring it up after a few dates, once you have established that the relationship is going somewhere and start discussing physical boundaries. The first date is, to me, too early and unnecessary if you are still getting to know one another. And as Anna said, it’s important to state WHY you have this standard, not just do it because of rules or compulsion 🙂

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Overcomers gather here. I'm Phylicia, and I believe in abundant life, practically. In singleness or marriage, work or home, we don't have to live in defeat! Join me to learn how to apply God's Word and preach the gospel with your life. View Full Profile

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