Real advice from real people

Mixed Signals

Hello, so I met this girl in this group I joined a few weeks ago. When she saw me, she seemed to be somewhat interested in me, at least compared to the other girls there. After seeing her there a few times, we finally had a chance to talk personally, and I asked her to dinner. She gave me her number, telling me to call her. So I called a few days later, to try setting a time for the weekend. She had several previous commitments (which she mentioned before I asked her out in the first place). Through our messages, I believe I came off as a bit too eager. She eventually said she was just willing to hang out as friends. I said I would be willing to do that, though I still have feelings for her. Since then, we haven’t had any interaction, but she hasn’t like removed me on social media. Any suggestions for going forward? Is there any chance I could make something work? When I see her at the group, anything I should particularly say (or not say)? Any advice would help. Thanks.

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4 thoughts on “Mixed Signals”

Now treat it just like that. Be friendly, confident, flirty, whatever, but treat her like a friend instead of a romantic interest.

If she isn’t interested in anything more then you’ve already gotten past that and will be just fine. Maybe she’s got a friend or sister?

As a side effect, (and this is no means a given) if you are more relaxed and fun because you aren’t chasing after this thing in that way, you could come off as more attractive. You’ve become friends first and show that you aren’t interested in only that. This could happen, but put that out of your brain. It’ll only put undue pressure on the situation

Either way, the foundation is now one of friendship and ultimately respect.

[If she’s made it clear that she only wants to hang out as friends, then there’s your answer.

While it’s not out of the question, it’s rare that a guy can climb out of the friend zone, especially when it’s been made so explicit. If she thought there was *any* chance of romantic interest on her part, she probably wouldn’t tell you that she wants to hang out as friends only.

Now, there is a chance that maybe she’s interested in someone else at this point, and she gave you the “friends” line to put you on the back burner. But … I wouldn’t count on that.

[I actually agree with Dennis’ secondary assessment. I think she’s putting on the back burner in case something else doesn’t work out, or she gets bored.

I think you need to move on, quickly dude. You don’t deserve to be a back up plan. Be friends if you want, but realize that those feelings are gonna need to go away, unless you want to want to be that dude that when she yells jump, you ask off of which bridge.