A California highway patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver
that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000
in the statewide safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's
a smart-aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and
moaned," I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in
Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"