Editorial: Maybe The Reason We Have Zika Virus And All These Other Diseases Is Because You’re All So Disgusting

Hey. I have a novel idea for you. Maybe the reason we have Zika virus and all these other diseases is because you’re all so fucking gross. Maybe we’re all so sick because of the way you eat with your hands and lick your lips and spit and sneeze all over the place. Isn’t that an interesting theory? Have you ever thought of that?

Could it be possible the reason we have so many people dying around the world of disease is because you are a filthy little animal? Eating up your slop and getting your shit and filth all over the place? And then you go and eat some more slop. It’s sickening. Positively revolting. I have trouble sleeping at night just thinking about you slovenly little pathetic humans getting your horrible excrement anywhere near me!

I don’t know why we have these scientists wasting their time on studying these diseases when it’s SO DAMN OBVIOUS. Look around you, people. Look at yourselves. I’m running out of patience and don’t know when I will snap at the next person I hear talk about how we should approach the Zika crisis.