I've been mostly hanging around the mama-esque threads around here, but I am trying to branch out.

I wanted to chime in on the BC issue, I was diagnosed with endometriosis last year. There definitely are people who "need" to be on the pill for health reasons. Not only did being on hormonal birth control help with my pain/nausea/headaches/wacky bleeding (ever had sex smack in the middle of your cycle, doubled over in pain, and bled for twenty minutes after? Ew, and no thanks), but certain birth control pills can actually slow the spread of endometrial tissue outside of the uterus and can help preserve fertility for longer.

That being said, buttercups, the only kind of BC pill that will do this is one that is progesterone based, not one of the more common estrogen dependent pills. I'm not sure how seasonique works, but you should definitely look into it, if endo is even a possibility. Estrogen based pills can, in some cases, actually make endometriosis worse, as was the case for me. I also think that Yaz, the progesterone pill I took for a while, had much less of an effect on my sex drive than any of the other pills I've been on.

That little rant probably belonged on another thread, but I couldn't help myself. Aphelendra, tireless crusader against the dreaded endometriosis, strikes again.

buttercups, please feel free to pm if you have any questions or anything . . . .

CultureHandy, have you read any Mantak Chia? Pretty interesting stuff.

The birth control pill wrecked my sex drive entirely no matter what type I was taking. Pretty hard to do considering my libido but it just killed it dead every time. Sucky. I found it did help a bit with my periods which were painful beyond belief but what helped more was anaprox (naproxan, ponstan, whatever the brand name you use). Erased cramps and nausea in 20 minutes, I could hop on my bike and go for a ride instead of puking and passing out.

Yea I have horrible dysmennorhea to the point where I'm almost convinced I have endometriosis. I used to vomit every month and have to stay home from work and school before i got on the pill (mother didn't want me on it as a teenager bc she thought it would encourage me to have sex even though the doc said that would help the most). Finally got to the point where I was 18 and passed out in the shower and that was the end of that- been on the pill ever since. It has def helped me but then a year ago my periods started to get painful again and I began to think about endometriosis. My gyn recommended seasonale which has def helped me not have to deal with it as frequently. It's been relatively good for my body and well-being in that sense, but murder on my sex drive. And it does also take me longer to orgasm now, mainly bc I just can't get turned on. My bf tries every trick in the book til the point where he's just tired, and then I just give up bc it's exhausting and frustrating. I don't know what to do, but I don't really want to get off the pill..

I can see that, AP--I thought I might eat those words. In my experience with polycystic ovaries the pill has not been so helpful--I think it caused the problem to begin with. The iud has given me greater appreciation for people with terrible periods--and whatever it takes to manage them. Finding other routes beyond the pill to resolve problems can take time, money, and resistance diagnoses, etc. It seems to cause a lot of problems, and I sometimes wonder what college would have been like for many of us without it.

I'm not convinced anyone needs the pill for health reasons--are there other ways to treat your issues?

You may not be convinced, but it's fact that hormonal bc can & does help women with menorrhagia. It helps regulate flow & makes periods lighter. I had HORRIBLE menorrhagia for years that I chose to live with because I didn't want to be on bc, but I have many friends that considered hormonal bc to be a godsend for making their lives easier.

I'm down with the more homeopathic remedies, but they can be expensive & not nearly as effective as hormonal bc.

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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

Sure buttercups, it happens to people. The pill kept me from having orgasms. But it sounds like some emotional stuff is going on there, too. I'm not convinced anyone needs the pill for health reasons--are there other ways to treat your issues?

Has anyone ever been on the pill and had absolutely no sex drive? I've been on the pill that gives you no period for 3 months and I swear to god the method of birth control in it is taking away my sex drive- I think it's a complete conspiracy at this point haha. Me and my guy have always had some sex problems, but now that I don't even think about sex and his drive is lower, our sex is non-existent! I think we might have sex like once a month, if that. We both live at home so its difficult anyways, but whenever we have privacy I'm either too tired or he has some other problem and it just never happens- and at this point bc I don't even think about sex it's like it doesn't even matter. Should I be concerned that me and my bf of 2 years are having sex like once a month at age 25? We love each other and he says he's definitely sexually attracted to me- and I'm attracted to him, but we've fallen into this really old married couple kinda habit (actually I think they probably have sex more than us). Before this pill sex used to be on my mind all the time, and I would always initiate it, now I feel numb inside. And I kinda need this pill for other health reasons. Any suggestions?

Okay, question for the busties; I'm looking to further my sexuality. I'm really eager to explore Tantra and Tantric Sex, I'm wondering if anyone can recommend anything (preferably in book form) for a beginner? I meditate frequently so I don't need any books on meditation only, although I am aware that Tantra does involve the breath.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

Honestly, I don't think it's something women would for the most part do. We not only don't *need* to pay for shit, we just won't. EG: I used to work for one of those dating services where men paid & women didn't; after some pressure, our company launched a women pay men don't service. Never sold a single membership. Not a one. Or think of strips clubs/erotic reviews. There may be twenty-five lady strip joints in a town, but there's almost never a male one. You *might* have some amateurs get paid to get naked once a week at a gay bar, but it's cheaper to just have a night where the regulars come in scantily clad. And, yeah, you have your Chippendales & your Thunder Down Under, but those are pretty much Vegas exclusive cheesy tourist traps.

I sometimes frequent a site by a gay artist that posts his favorite gay escorts for the month. There are a LOT of insane, sick, SMOKING HOT gay escorts. Guys that can make five grand for a Friday night airport pick up through a Sunday evening flight out: hot, smart, interesting, attentive gay escorts. I admit I find it intriguing, but I still don't think I could stomach the hit to the wallet for it. I could buy a pair of really nice boots for the cash invested in a few hours with a big-dick, hot-guy-for-hire lover man & ultimately I think the shoes would bring me more pleasure in the long run.

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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

I'm not sure I would have sought his services. I just didn't find him that attractive- I have a friend who for a while was that fuck buddy- Much hotter, and I know what I'm getting into with him. The idea of paying for it when I'm not attracted to him... yeah no. Perhaps the porn world will be better to him.

Meet the first legal male sex worker in Nevada, Markus. He looks to be of fairly small stature & has a beefy, muscular, Marine-type build. Not bad. But in the face? He looks like a hefty Steve-O from Jackass & has some janky-ass teeth. The man looks like a piranha in the mouth area & not in a good way. He does seem nice enough, but I don't think I could spend $200 on forty minutes with him.

Aw, poor Markus. Less than ten women sought out his services during the time he was employed at the Shady Lady Ranch. He's pulled up stakes & returned to LA to shoot porn.

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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

Yup, that totally sux, sagey. Having someone else "on the line", that is, splitting his loyalties never comes out good. There's the fantasy of what could be with the other, and the reality of the difficulties of the real relationship. So which do you think will win out??? Head on over to "movin on"!

Mine's not really better; thanx for asking though. My English Comp teacher made a comment the other night about a play in which the man was "settling", knowing his place and that it wouldn't get better but he was willing to put up with it. She mentioned how much she hated that anyone settles...if she only knew I'd probably be getting an F! Maybe I need to move this to another thread as well! Ciao

Thank you both- Angie you are so right. I was feeling so depressed and unloved. And right now, I'm probably almost more miserable because I kept trying to make it work. I would read other people's posts and think -maybe it's that, or it's this that I needed to do.... But the reality is the relationship was wrong. He's moving out soon- I hope this coming weekend. But even with him here... He's sick and I feel bad for him and I cant be angry anymore. It's just not worth it. I appreciate the thoughts. and I will check out the moving on thread. I think I will need to.. but for the moment, I'm still kind of wallowing in self pity.

sageykins, I know it's hard to see these things when you're still in the relationship, but it sounds a lot to me like the main problems were with the relationship itself, not with sex or even porn. reading your posts, you just sounded so unhappy and unloved, and not only because of a lack of sex/passion. I hope things get better for you now that you are broken up... I bet they will!

Bob- I hope your situation has improved. Things here have gotten worse and he's leaving. He's been communicating with his ex this entire time- on and off. He's got pictures in his email- which he left open and I saw a message subject line about 'me at a ladies only sex toy party'. I shouldn't have looked. But he's proven untrustworthy. It was her. Looking suggesting. The whore. And he dug a hole to try and cover it up and lied more. So we're done and he's leaving. And maybe it wouldn't have been so bad... except that he was still holding on to her. Anyway, I hope things have worked out for you too, in some way. Good luck.

No Bob, I don't think you're being too sensitive. I have tried to be considerate in all ways, and that includes commenting on other guys. I don't think I've said more than 4 times in our entire relationship that I think some guy is cute (actor or singer). I understand where you're coming from, and I think because of how I have felt- I know I'm not perfect here- But I have tried so hard to not hurt someone else's feelings and that kind of crap is exactly what hurts me so I wouldn't do it to him.I'm trying to just focus on me and feel better about me, but it's hard. He can be so great and I love him. It's still tough but I don't know how I feel about all this. Hate porn. So much. That's not the only part of things, I just wish he wouldn't watch it. It has definitely not helped us at all.

Sagey;I'm sure that's just how she felt as well. Maybe she "gave in" for her own satisfaction, or maybe she wanted to try to make things better; I don't know. But since...

Nothing. We haven't been together since. And I am sure she is feeling what you last described; but then, so am I. "Just plain depressed." You said it. And porn is not even in the equation anymore. It's a horrible spiral. And then I get angry when I'm keeping the lid on the porn & she's telling her gfriends that she likes to watch football cuz of the player's butts in those pants! Or picking a movie cuz the star's a "cutie". Is that porn? Many would say no, but it causes the same insecurities in guys that porn causes in women to some (a lesser) extent. Or maybe I'm just being too sensitive...

Meet the first legal male sex worker in Nevada, Markus. He looks to be of fairly small stature & has a beefy, muscular, Marine-type build. Not bad. But in the face? He looks like a hefty Steve-O from Jackass & has some janky-ass teeth. The man looks like a piranha in the mouth area & not in a good way. He does seem nice enough, but I don't think I could spend $200 on forty minutes with him.

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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

Bob,I think that's what's going on now. There is more... but I know he's been jerking off and neither of us is interested in being with each other anymore. Just plain depressed. Bleh.I'm beyond trying- so your lady put up with it and then she gave you the best night... I guess I don't feel like I should be giving him any kind of special attention when this is how I feel... And it has reduced me to an object he doesn't want. He's trying more around the house to do things, and I appreciate that. There's just so much...Flanker might be right. Thanks for letting me vent.