UNIDENTIFIED SINGER #3: (Singing) Nobody likes me. Why yes, I did. Mills insists that’s doable: “Idol”, he says, “looked like it had been neglected for a while on Fox, and as we’ve seen with any show – from “The Bachelor” to “Survivor” – there will always be ebbs and flows, but if you really take care of them, they can be strong assets”.

Her shining moment in the premiere arrives when she dazzles an impossibly cherubic, rosy-cheeked first-time-in-L.A. farm boy (he comes on stage to the whistled Andy Griffith theme). “Right in the middle of high school – sophomore, junior year – I ended up quitting all of my sports at the same time and ended up doing the fall play, the show choir, the musical”.

Richie added, “The handsome part is I love the judging”. Don’t expect any Simon & Paula friction or Mariah & Nicki fireworks this season. Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey were more caught up in their own drama and their juvenile bad blood eclipsed the show’s purpose-turning unknowns into stars.

So, yeah, what would American Idol be without inspiring tales and aspirations, all packaged in backstory videos, nervous entreaties and elaborate vocal runs?

“I think what we have most of all is ‘What do we do with all of this knowledge at the other end of the career?’ Richie told GMA”.

“I just sit there on the table and I’m like, ‘really Lionel? you hung out with Prince and Michael and Whitney?” And the series was so freaking time-consuming.

Seacrest may be the face of the series, but he is minimized the first 10 minutes-not having him narrate the cold open is a clear choice-and starts off feeling more like background during the first hour. Clearly, I wasn’t being cynical enough.

“It makes you feel all the emotions in one show”, the Georgia native says. Caden Humphrey of Alpine who lined up the night before joins other American I.

What she’s saying there, I think, is: “I’m aware of how your personality is built for a touchy-feely reality show montage, but at some point you’ll have to actually prove you can get onstage and wow us”.

Gone not quite 23 months, “American Idol” returns Sunday on a new network (ABC), with new judges (Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, Lionel Richie) and a whole new mandate to find that elusive and perhaps mythical unicorn – the “superstar”. The hopeful musician will not only walk away with the title of “American Idol”, but their life will change forever. (That said, this is the same network that recently filmed the Bachelor dumping someone after an accepted proposal). They need it badly. So Disney/ABC, and NBC Universal’s E!, and FremantleMedia are doing what Seacrest did in a column: declaring that women are fearless and should be heard when they tell their stories, but we should just completely ignore this woman while believing Seacrest’s unsubstantiated claim that she tried to blackmail him. Perry, in particular, excels at this. Perry has the most interesting comments, but she’s also got the biggest brand to manage. But she is good.

“It’s interesting. It’s a little out of my comfort zone”, Bryan revealed. And since Perry and Richie aren’t really that extreme, Bryan doesn’t offer too much in the premiere, outside of generalized Nashville charm.

Clip packages instantly make us care deeply about contestants we weren’t aware of 15 seconds earlier. (Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Laila Grigley of Lehi who has nice handwriting is recruited by her friend Jad. The man who emigrated from the Congo as a child.

In case you’ve been living on a remote island with forgotten “Idol” contests of days past, here’s what you should know about the show’s return.