The Five Rudest Things You Can Do Online

Ever since “Manners in a Digital World” came out I have been asked repeatedly, “What do you mean by online manners? There is no such thing!” Emily Post, my great-great grandmother, said “Whenever two people come together you have etiquette… Etiquette is simply how people’s lives touch one another.” This is the very definition of what happens online. People come together in remarkable ways, and at the same time create new manners and etiquettes to govern their relationships and interactions.

It is precisely because these new manners are evolving that it is easy to make mistakes. Someone who is new to the online world may not recognize that an expected behavior has become a new norm. Here are five of the most common mistakes people make online.

1. Griping about coworkers, bosses, or a bad day at work on social media. Venting, particularly after a hard day at work can feel so good. Social media is just too public a forum for such subjective emotional content. Anyone can see your gripes, maybe even the person you are griping about, and that can be damaging to your professional reputation.

2. Posting embarrassing pictures. Smartphones and their cameras are ubiquitous and posting pictures is now as easy as posting a tweet. While you may think a photo is appropriate, others may view it as embarrassing or invading privacy. A few weeks ago the current President of South Africa shared video he took with Nelson Mandela while visiting him in his hospital room. The pictures raised concerns about appropriateness, as most people viewed the meeting as private. Failing to respect personal privacy can cause offense even when the picture itself is not inappropriate. When in doubt, ask someone before you post a picture online.

3. Auto-filled email, tweet, text, or IM recipient gets the wrong message. This mistake is all too easy to make. Auto-fill grabs Peter your boss instead of Peter your friend and you press “send.” Especially on those important or sensitive messages, make a practice of double-checking the recipient one last time before you hit send, tweet, post, or share.

4. Scooping important news on social media. If it’s not your news to share, wait. In the rush to congratulate or offer condolence people can make the mistake of inadvertently revealing very personal information about family or friends. This often-hurtful mistake can be the result of the best of intentions. Ask yourself if the person who is most affected would want you to be the one to share this news. If the answer is no, then don’t share any further.

5. Disrupting a good conversation. When a comment or discussion thread gets interesting, it can be tempting to jump in and offer your two cents. The same rules that apply to in-person conversations apply online. Don’t interrupt when others are talking; allow a developing back and forth to continue and wait for a break before joining in. Don’t jump off topic or bring up subjects that are likely to derail a conversation. And don’t feed the trolls – ignore those who are intentionally disruptive. They are attention seekers and the less they get the quicker they will go away.

In a constantly evolving online society, we face new choices about behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable. A pet peeve, or common annoyance can provide insight for self-assessment. Often, the best option for correcting bad behavior that we see in others is to model the behavior we would prefer to see. That is ultimately how we work together to set standards and manners that build the communities of which we want to be part.