Spoof news stories from Tuesday 7 June 2011

The French have spent two years attempting to rescue Air France. They have failed.
It started when one of their pilots greeted his co-pilot with a shout of 'Hi Jacques' and the ensuing riot meant that the flight never even got off the ground. From...

Britain's leading energy suppliers have warned consumers to expect steep price increases from August this year, possibly by as much as 19% The energy providers have attributed the rises to Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, a situation being further exa...

The British tourist board have finally issued a warning to all holiday makers heading for Europe in the next few weeks, especially those thinking of journeying to the Rhine Valley, a tour of the war memorials or a city break to a broken city.
"Bas...

Evil gas Barons in Scotland have just enraged the wrong person with their 20% gas price hike. That person is the multi-billion pound Woolly Jumper Philanthropist Donald McDonald.
Donald was so enraged by the news that Gas prices are to rise for...

PHOENIX - The governor of Arizona was asked by the news media if she as governor is doing everything within her power to try and contain the massive wildfires that have already destroyed over 250,000 acres of land.
The governor, who lately has bee...

A drunken British racist (not proven), Jamie Whitepower (named changed for legal reasons), was dared by his drinking mates to go and anger Muslims praying in a mosque down the road.
Jamie, a bit of a lad and not particularly happy with Muslims pra...

Premiership title holders are facing a major crisis as the club starts preparing for the new season.
In the wake of the allegations about Ryan Giggs' personal life, thousands of disillusioned middle age women are threatening to dump the club after...

John Terry has told a press conference that he would be quite happy if either Guus Hiddink or Mark Hughes replaced Carlo Ancelotti as the Blues boss after the latter was released prematurely from his Stamford Bridge contract.
" Guus Hiddink, Mark...

Dr. Isadore Blumenthal, the pediatric weiner whopper who circumcised young Anthony's weiner when he was just an infant, still recalls the mandatory operation that is a rite of passage for all Jewish boys.
"Never in my wildest dream did I ever t...

A new website is being launched to ensure the many thousands of sweat shop workers whose efforts in subsidising the profits of multi-national corporations around the globe, are not wasted in a blither of fake goods.
The website, called Brand-i, a...

A group calling themselves the People's Republic of Stokes Croft are continuing to protest against the opening of a Tesco's shop in Bristol. The group are named after the totalitarian regime which seized power in China in the 1950s, and the Bristol g...

Shortly after the Obamas' European tour where the first lady bestowed presents of her home grown vegetables on the French, the Germans and the British, an outbreak of a deadly E-Coli virus spread rapidly through the continent leading investigators to...

A lot of people are upset over the recently passed law in Florida to drug test welfare recipients. The law requires applicants for welfare to pass a drug screening before they can start receiving benefits. The law caused an uproar amongst ACLU memb...

The Queen's famous royal wave is to be phased out. The announcement from Buckingham Palace by royal spokesman Sir Henry Brunzeln yesterday follows reports that the eighty-five year old Queen had found the chore particularly tiring when attending las...

It can now be revealed - that Aliens have indeed landed on earth on the 7th June 2011, at Little Crumpet Village, in Nottinghamshire, UK.
The aliens, friendly in nature, declared their intention of saving earth species at risk of extermination. Al...

Munich - The secret society's Germ(an) warfare wing has been caught cooking up a lethal new recipe to deal with Euroseptics (sick).
Traces of the homegrown genetically modified Eco Lie bacteria have been sourced to a new batch of Plutonium-210, co...

Carlos Tevez can never set foot in Manchester again.
Reports are coming in that the Argentinian has appeared on a TV chat show in Buenos Aires and has called Coronation Street "mierda".
He claims the bacon sarnies in Roy's Rolls are "mierda" t...

The Welsh Assembly today reacted angrily to criticisms that 'simply nothing worth reporting' goes on in Wales.
A report by CeeBeebies says that, compared to Scotland, Wales looks like it's been in a cultural coma for years.
CeeBeebies' spokespe...

Aston Villa have taken court action against Rafa Benitez following a series of desperate attempts by the former Liverpool boss to find a new job. Rafa, who still lives in the UK, has been unemployed since being sacked by Inter Milan in December.

New outbursts by former singer Lily Allen have prompted fears for her sanity.
The Smile singer famously declared that she was shunning the limelight, ooh, ages ago. But since then she has maintained a strong media presence by Tweeting or allowing...

The president of landlocked, Belarus, whose name is spelled with some fucking really weird characters that you will never see on a PS2 Playstation… well, that is if you are not shooting the fuck out those weird things with some really fucking weird n...

Man, in order to foretell or control the future, uses many tools and ways: talismans, sorcery, astrology, numerology, palmistry, astrolabe, beads, sneezing…
Palmistry, dating back to the time of Aristotle, (384-322 B.C.E.), is still practiced to foretell the future. For instance: "Well, sir", said Colonel Hllandate, "first I have to give you a background. The key to Sarkhan-and several...

Shamed Man Utd player Ryan Giggs is facing more criticism in the media after his second cousin's wife Rhondda Evans told a tabloid that she had been forced to undertake intensive counselling after realising that she was one of the few female relation...

In an insane craze to take advantage of the tweet of Anthony Weiner's snake trying to free himself from the bulge so it can indulge; a slew of New York City's finest café's and sidewalk venders are cashing in on the incident.
While there have been...

LOS ANGELES - Cheryl Cole has been through quite a bit the past year. She was cheated on by her husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole. And she finally ended up divorcing the 'what was he thinking' womanizer.
She then fell into the arms of her BFF...

In his latest twitter defense, confessed liar, closet wanker, and Democrat Congressman Anthony 'the schemer' Weiner is now blaming his 'personal sexual problems' on his wife of less than a year, Huma, who he now hints wasn't into giving him "hummers!...