Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life age of death. But it is not the end, I found life in me... again...
!!! Discipline wanteD !!!

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

dear lord embrace me with your blessings

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Sunday, December 27, 2009

On midnight of Cristmas Eve, my 19th birthday ended. Gosh! I’m 19 already. This whole week is kinda hectic (as always). I didn’t even plan to celebrate. Got to bed damned early before 12 and the next morning my bedazzled phone was flooded with text messages and missed calls. Every year for my birthday, I never expect to have such a huge cool party, being surprised by friends, because back in school December 24th is always during the school holidays. Only during Tamhidi I get to celebrate it with my friends. I wasted my time and emotion on my 19th birthday only worrying how troublesome to turn another year older and how would the day end. I have to say I’m always expecting for one nice surprise every year. Like back then as far as my old memory could go (LOL dah 19 la katakan), in 2007 was when I got a laptop as a gift from mum, in 2008 was when I got the complete series of twilight saga novels; twilight, new moon, eclipse, breaking dawn. This year instead, I think I had a wonderful gift; the best birthday gift ever. I get to learn about life. This is how the story went;

My classes ended by 1pm since the evening class was cancelled. By the time I got down to wait for the cab suddenly my second sis called and asked me out for lunch as to celebrate my birthday. She fetched me and we went to a steakhouse for lunch. After lunch we went shopping, walking around and buying things. I haven’t hang out with her for quite some time and I almost forgot how she is unconditionally care for me. We really enjoyed ourselves and I even asked her opinion for perfumes, shoes and beauty products. By 6pm before we headed back to Glenview Villa there was this one chocolate booth my sis pulled my hands to go to. I AM A CHOCOLATE MANIAQUE! In spite of all the indulging and tempting chocs, there were 4 types of chocolate wrapped with crystal-clear wrappings on the top of the counter that caught my sight so much; white choc, dark choc, milk choc, choc tiramisu. All of it was round and shiny and beautiful except this tiramisu which looked pretty much like “biji getah” and its texture wasn’t really smooth. Instead it was a bit crumpled and didn’t look nice at all. It was like something I can find in my granny’s drawer.

Sis addie: have you ever tasted this tiramisu?Me: not reallySis addie: come, let me buy it and lets taste it together. This is how my friend taught me about life

My sis is not someone full of philosophy; she’s just some carefree girl who enjoys her life to the fullest. After buying we headed back to the car and on the way back we popped one tiramisu into our mouth. “Don’t chew it, don’t spit it out, just let it melts in your mouth”. (Because I’m the type who chews any choc and sweets LOL)That was what she said. I don’t know whether it was just me, unless my eyes were cheated by some spell, I swear that was the first time I saw a truthful spark in her eyes and a sincere smile carved on her lips. After a moment, we both finished our choc. I kept my eyes locked in her face with a pair of puppy eyes waiting for her to say something, the sincere smile was still on her face when she said “Now that’s what I call life. At first it is bitter, but no matter how bitter it is don’t just throw it away, please do stay to it till the end because the sweetness comes later. Don’t chew no matter how you want the bitterness to over and please just wait patiently for it to settle down then only you feel the worth of patient”. By the time she said this to me tears were already in my eyes and I hugged her tightly. I never thought the lesson of life could be as simple as this but it is so deep and enough to make my mind sink for the rest of the day.

p/s: I thought this thing only happen in movies! Hehe. Next time try look for this tiramisu and taste it with someone you love. You might just taught him/her how valuable life is. Don’t just taste it with your tongue, but do taste it with your mouth and evaluate in your mind, let it take you away from reality a bit and above all, be conscious again (I might have just exaggerated LOL). Anyway happy trying!

This is the common phrase people used to “preach”. Even I myself knew this at the age of 9. It says “Life is like a box of chocolate, you don’t know what’s inside unless you open it”. And by the age 12 I get to understand then reason why. We'll never know how the choc is like; melting, cold and hard, what colour, how its taste and texture. True enough because we don’t know will we face in life; future undertakings, consequences and coincidence. Or in short, life is full of surprises; we don’t know when will Miley Cyrus pop in front of us and say “hye”. Then by the age of 16, my BFF Jaja introduced me the line “coincidence is everywhere”. Meeting a long-lost cousin in a debate tournament, knowing a friend of my best friend is actually the best friend of my roommate’s boyfriend (I got that a bit confusing too, don’t worry LOL). Then I can’t agree more with the coincidence thing. We can’t expect what will happen for the next moment. For a split second, even a small thing could change everything. After some time going through things, at the age of 17 then only Jaja and I introduced the second version of the ‘coincidence phrase’ “coincidence is everywhere, but after all that’s what we call fate”. Can’t blame destiny for what happened eh? No matter whatever good or whatever bad happened to you, there’s always a reason to it. That’s the beauty of life The Almighty Allah s.w.t has created.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Yesterday was a holiday for the state of Selangor due to the birthday of dear Sultan Selangor. Scanning my 2nd sem timetable let me realize that we have a lot of holidays fall on friday. Anyway as to 'celebrate' our nice friday off, I was gone for a hang out with Didi and Naniim. The outing was great and fun for it's Year-End-Sale now and just at a perfect timing that we got our scholarship money (winks). We passed by numerous number of shoes boutique but none of us buy any. Instead we enjoyed going in and out of the fitting room and ended up with buying some new trendy outfits. This really reminds me of our last hang out when the three of us plus Leyl another friend of mine went for a shopping and I ended up buying a 2 and half inches heels. Aware that i might look elegant in it (chewah) I immediately 'hopped' into them and 'skipping' and 'bouncing' around happily. The thing was after 1 hour and a half walking, the joints of my feet started aching. That was it and I immediately switch to my sole-foot wedge.

Now that was my story. Is it really painful to be beautiful? As far as my observation and analysis goes, YUP it is how the world look upon to beauty these days. Slimy-long legs,thin-curvy waist, tender-flawless-pale skin,smoochy-sexy lips,stick-out-pinky cheek bone,long-curly eyelashes, round-shiny-sparkling eyes,long-straight silky hair, some even say blondie.

The thing is people would set aside their rationality simply to be beautiful (even though it's not that simple). Then they started to do plastic surgery, silicon implant in breast, nose, cheek. Operation to extend leg length by joining femur to metal, eye operation to make small eyes bigger. Not only these cost thousands dollar, also these could cost them their lives!

So the line is no longer....beauty lies on the eyes of the beholdersinstead it goes....beauty lies on the hypodermic needle

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It was December 3rd till December 6th that I got an extreme excessive adrenaline rush. “Debat Piala Diraja” so it’s called ‘Royal 2009’. Debating for 4 years back in school didn’t even help me to face all these rivals. Different from Arabic and Malay category debate, we got multiracial debaters for the English category.

Malay
Chinese
Indian
Jamaican
English
African
And all of them were really damned good and I don’t lie.

My senior had me informed about how reckless the motion could be and just be prepared for any possible outcome (as if I could). The system is simple; none of the participants got any idea about the theme for each round until the very last 30 minutes before our debate. As to decide which motion to be debated, each team will rank all 3 to which they wanted to debate most. The 3rd motion ranked by both teams will automatically eliminated and see what’s left to be debated about. If both teams have the same 1st motion ranked then automatically they’ll debate on that motion. This last 30 minutes also be called the last precious minute, where we have to set our stands, outline our mechanism, digging points. There’s no such things as preparing text like what they have back in school because we’ll all just shoot out words spontaneously based on the points discussed in that 30 ‘fatal’ minutes.

Preliminary has 5 rounds
1st round – animals
= THBT sacrifice of animals for religion is justified
= THW ban all form of sports which involve animals
= THBT animals have no right

2nd round – religion
= THW ban the hijab= THBT Swiss government should tear down the minarets= THBT all church properties should be owned by the people

3rd round – outdated concept
= THW no longer believe in the absolute freedom of speech
= THBT the concept of political correctness is no longer relevant
= THBT freedom of movement is a privilege not a right

4th round – gender in sports
= THBT Caster Semenyah should be stripped off her gold medal
= THBT all sports should have a separate category for the 3rd sex
= THW compel all competitive swimmers to swim naked

5th round – exile and return
= THBT Chin Peng should be allowed to return unconditionally to Malaysia
= THBT true democracy in Thailand would allow Thaksin to return and contest
= THBT the concept of exile has no place in a constitutional democracy

And as expected, we didn’t make it to the quarter final because we only made it to win 2 out of 5 matches under the motion THBT all church properties should be owned by the people and THBT all sports should have separate category for the 3rd sex.

FYI one of Malay team and one of Arabic team made it to final, and they even won!
(I’m laughing out loud now)
Sincerely speaking for the English category, winning is a long way to go.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Innocent is always referred to young children, lil' kids and cute fluffy babies. In my context because they are pure and naive, not knowing about the world. Sometimes how I actually wished so much to be a baby for they don't have to worry about anything. By the way that's not what I'm trying to put off.

Obsession whereas is the feeling of worshipping (nope, that's too extreme), when your thoughts are filled and endulged, helplessly drowning or anything parallel in the 'inhuman' way. Haha I purposely used dramatic words to let you aware how serious could one's obsession go.

Somehow to put it together innocent obsession, contextually instead of babies, this is referred to adults and grown-ups who unintentionally happened to be their breath taken away.Let's just put it short.

Super JuniorDBSKBig BangShineeNewsArashiKanjani 8KAT-TUNTokio

You name it..K-pop and J-pop are on their climax of music phenomenal. I was just emphasizing on boybands because girls are crazy over them and myself is not an exception. Andplease do believe me, come to a certain extent whenguys are also head over heels for the girlbands.

My opinion is simpleTo all the young and perky girls out there (including me in here), it's OK to get your soul locked on to these adonis. Because once you're married, the only thing you can be obsess about is your husband.... and kids.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Last night my 16 years 0ld lil' brother insisted to take his bike licence. Some sort of peers influence I guess. Luckily my parents agreed. Early in the morning kicked into his jeans and rushed to his first theoretical class, all by himself. I remember when it was my time going to driving class, I got my mum registered for me. It was right after SPM and I was expecting my mum to send and fetch me to and from classes. Me : So the next class start next week. You're gonna send me off right?Mum : Nope. you'll go by bus.Me : What? By bus all by myself?Sis : Hello, we all did went to driving class by bus. Stop being so spoiled!And when she saidwe all, those were Along,Kak Ngah,Kak Addie herself, and my 2nd bro Az.Then I realized I should pretty much become and independent girl after all. Since then, I started to help mum settle all the bills payment,Electrical billsWater billsPhone billsAll the dealings with the bank,Cash depositCheque depositMum said I've to start learning to do things on my own. Cuz once I've become an adult, I should be able to stand by myself and less depending to others. Bingo! She's got good point there.Guess I'm now pretty independent myself (winks)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Here and there people are writing blogs. I envy these people who never ran out of ideas to post.Back to the baby issues, as a new blogger I must say I’m taking the baby step to little by little blogging. They say it's never too late to start something.Writing is one of the thing I do best

(or at least I thought so =p).To everybody out there, friends and friends-to-be, or even enemies and enemies-to-be

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