Tony Blair ‘could be launched in 45 minutes’

A report from the Joint Intelligence Committee in conjunction with the Daily Telegraph has concluded that Tony Blair could be airborne and seeking somewhere to land within as little as three quarters of an hour. ‘The 45 minute declaration may not even be a worst case scenario for potential victims of the former Prime Minister: if he’s already travelling abroad, lecturing in America, or just visiting Sr Belusconi it could be even less,’ said an inquiry insider.

‘We are genuinely terrified that he could just turn up uninvited at our holiday villa without warning’ said an anonymous Bee Gee. Others at risk are various faith foundations, leaders of Middle East politicial factions and wealthy American universities seeking high profile public speakers. ‘The 45 minute claim is no exaggeration’ said the committee which was then interrupted by the sudden appearance of an overly-earnest world statesman saying ‘hmmm’ and holding his hands sincerely in front of himself while appearing to fondle an orb.