Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother’s vase. I said, “Accidents happen.” She replied, “Yeah, like your birth.” FML

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

I’ve been on a bit of a ‘britcom’ kick lately and after whipping through all 8 seasons of Red Dwarf in two weeks I thought I would revisit Fawlty Towers. I used to watch it a lot as a kid when visiting my grandma but I had forgoten how hilarious this show is. Hands down one of the funniest sitcoms ever. To all of you with Netflix, you can watch all 12 episodes for free on your computer. I suggest you do it now.

After writing it on his chest in marker and getting a good response, Launchpad decided to pull the trigger and get Miss Gump’s word of wisdom forever inked on his body. Jesse (and all of us really) FTW.