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Thursday, 27 February 2014

Well I didn't go to the Shane concert and trust me it was not through choice.
I ended up full of the nasty cold that was going around AND a sinus infection with blocked ear!

Yeah I was upset that I could not go BUT it made me realise that my health was more important. I could have went along feeling off balance and got hurt or hurt someone else. Not worth it especially as I have 2 children to think of.

There will be other chances.

On a happier note Kian Egan followed me on twitter so that cheered me up hehe

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Liam, 4, woke up during the night with terrible earache. So a phone call to NHS 24 was made an out of hours appointment made for him. Daddy took the poor wee guy while I stayed at home with our youngest Sophie (1)

Well at 4am Sophie woke up and her breathing was all over the place and she was making the most horrific noise. I had to call an ambulance, even though I knew what the problem was, it had to be seen to asap.

We got to A&E and met up with my husband and son. James took over as Sophie saw him and was clinging to daddy.

I had a fight with receptionist to let me bring my son home in transport that had been arranged for him.Even the nurse stepped in and explained the situation.

Both Liam and Sophie are fine thankfully.

Now my anxiety was sky high and I mean through the roof. It was as if I could actually feel the adrenaline pumping through my body.

If it wasn't for this buzzing around my body, being honest, I think I would have been in a worse state!!

Anxiety thank you for getting me through. Sometimes you are my friend!!!

Thursday, 13 February 2014

I have noticed there are not many support groups in my local area and I would really love to start my own group.

It would either be a parent and toddler group so the parent have somewhere to go for support and where they won't feel alone.

OR

A group for people to meet for a cup of tea and a chat.

If I take one of these ideas forward I will be contacting local mental health charities to see if they would be willing to help out by having a volunteer counsellor attend the group also for one to one chats or to give talks.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

There are a few people in my life who I need to thank for all their love. They don't realise how much they inspire me.

Mum
My mum has always been there for me even when I was in the wrong. She has a condition called COPD which affects the lungs and even though she struggles at times she is there no matter what. She is a strong woman.

Dad
My dad is a great man. Again he has been there for me no matter what. My dad had a stroke in 1999 and is lucky to be here. That hasn't stopped him. He has that fighting spirit, like my mum.

Claire
My wonderful, intelligent sister!! She has some health issues (see previous post) and you know what? she lives her life the way she wants regardless. Claire is very creative, a woman of many talent!! Claire is fab.

Liam & Sophie
My two beautiful, funny, clever loving babies. I would be so so lost without them. They have made my life what it is today..worth living! They have saved me in so many ways. The best thing that has ever happened to me. I love them so much!

James
We have been together for almost 5 years and married for almost 2 years. We have been through so much during those 5 years but I would not change a thing! He puts up with my moaning, crying and moods and is still with me. HE is a brilliant guy.

Granny Mulholland
I am trying not to cry whilst writing this.I lost my gran February 13th 1990, one of the saddest days of my life. I was only 9 and it was such a great loss to me. We were so close and I love her so much and there is not a day goes by where I don't think of her. I know she is looking down, along with my grandad, making sure we are all ok. She doesn't know how much she inspires me even now, almost 24 years since we lost her. Gran I love you so so much xxxxx

Everyone I have spoke about I love with all my heart and I couldn't live without them. I know I drive you all mad at times. Thank you so much for everything you have done. I love you all xxxxx

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-fund-my-masters-course?fb_action_ids=562659202386&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582The above is a link to my sister's fundraising page.Claire suffers with depression and chronic fatigue syndrome which means she has had to make some major changes in her life regarding her career." I am a 26 year old female who has recently been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.This has made it very difficult for me to continue in my career as an accountant. The long hours and stressful environment exacerbate my condition and leave me unable to do anything but sleep.

After studying for four years at university to gain my BAcc (Hons) in accountancy with business law and then a further three years completing my ICAS professional exams you can imagine that this has put a bit of a spanner in the works that is my intended career! After discussions with a local mental health nurse regarding what work I would be able to do in the future we decided it needed to be something flexible, enjoyable and that can be done from home to work around my illness. Unfortunately that isn't accountancy"

SAAS wont fund her for the course as she is having to do it through distance learning due to her condition.

Friday, 7 February 2014

OK I have decided to change the tone for this post and talk about one of my loves, Music!! It has been a big part of my life, as it has for many others.

It helps me relax, makes me laugh, cry and dance around like no-one is watching :)

Since 1995 I have been to so many concerts Travis, Sum 41, Westlife (ahh love them) Boyzone and Ne-yo to name a few.

2011, 2012 and later this month, I (will) have attended concerts on my own!! Now that is a big big step for me. I love music and live events too much to let my anxiety hold me back so I have now applied this to every day life...If I am out myself the headphones go in and the music turned up....Anxiety doesn't stand a chance :)

I cant wait to see Shane Filan live on his You and Me tour. yyyyyayyy good times here I come.

I have two beautiful, intelligent loving children, Liam and Sophie. I love them to the moon and back.

I will always remember the moment I had to tell the midwife I had anxiety disorder expecting her to declare me as mad and that I was not going to be a good mum. All she done was note it down and then moved on to the next question. Being honest I was surprised, not understanding why she was questioning me over it.

For the rest of my pregnancy, and, during my second pregnancy it was never mentioned. That is when I thought maybe just maybe I was not some crazy woman.

Don't get me wrong like every other new parent I asked myself that question "Will I be a good parent" who doesn't ask themselves that? A natural anxiety!!

Being a parent brings many a stressful, frustrating, upsetting situation. One example is when my daughter was rushed to hospital, on oxygen, due to having croup. I was in a right state, as any parent would be, as I sat there cuddling in my distressed baby girl (she was about 7 months old). Now I HATE hospitals, they have my heart racing and stomach turning. We got there and do you know what the anxiety actually HELPED me get through...all that extra adrenaline had somewhere to go.

Taking my son to nursery I do get the odd panic attack, yes yes I know no reason why I should be panicking. It only took one comment, loudly behind my back, from a young mum that sent me into a panic. One comment about my weight and that was it.

I started doubting, yet again, was I a good mum, what kind of mum was I being overweight. Now I know some mums out there are overweight, some are classed as underweight and some are "normal" weight.. we all have the same concerns at the end of the day so what right do we have to comment on anyone else's appearance.

Being a parent brings out the anxiety in anyone. Some of us react to anxiety differently.

I am glad that anxiety bugs me every now and again. Why? it gives me that extra adrenaline to keep up with my two monsters :)

Thursday, 6 February 2014

I started working for a major credit card company in March 2005. Within 4 days of starting I was given a role with more responsibility. Myself and one other woman were responsible for dealing with accounts that had been send out to debt collection companies, incoming payments and other administrative duties. When my colleague was out doing audits I was solely responsible for it all and I loved it so so much.

The company had their own doctor and nurse and boasted how they look after their staff.

When I took "ill" April 2006 and was signed off for 3 months I was gutted but at the same time knew I was not well. I kept in touch with my manager and Human resources throughout. I attended an appointment with the company doctor who, along with my own GP, decided another 2 months and I would be back to work and back to normal. Knowing I only had 2 months left to go was exciting and frustrating at the same time.

The final month I was back and forwards to my work to meet with colleagues for lunch to get me used to being back in the noisy fast paced environment again. I was itching to get back and given half the chance I would have started back that day! On my last visit I was given my dates and hours for my staggered return. This was put in place by HR and the company doctor to make sure it was not too much for me all at once.

I went back that first day, went to my old desk and found another woman sitting there. I asked my other colleague what was going on and she said "I honestly do not know, they told me you were coming back so I assumed *Sarah would be going back to her own job". A manager from the department came and asked to speak to me.

This is how that conversation went:

"Angela, For the foreseeable we are putting you on basic admin duties meaning you will only be filing for us"
"Can I ask why?"
"we feel you are not capable of doing your old job, sorry"

that was it. I was devastated. I was only in for 3 hours that day....3 hours of filing and a million questions.
The girl who had taken over my role came over to me all the time asking me how to do thing..she had been my replacement since I left and she still could not do the job correctly!! the woman I had worked with said "that's it I am going to speak to them I need you back I cant continue with someone who has no idea what they are doing" Her pleas fell on deaf ears and I was left with more filing than before.

On my second day back I was taken straight into the office. A rep from HR was sitting plus this new manager who I had experienced the day before.

"Angela, we have came to the decision you are not longer suitable to work for us"
"why"
"we feel you are no longer qualified"
well I am not quitting"
"if you do not resign we will have to let you go and you will not receive your pay. If you resign you will be paid"

That was it I had no choice but to hand my notice in. I was in tears absolutely heartbroken.

when I got home I contacted a lawyer to look into my case. He took me on and the end result was they had every right, They told the lawyer a whole other story which of course the HR rep backed up.

So after my long hard battle I was left without a job.

Looking back I think I should have fought harder and instead of going straight to a lawyer I should have went to ACAS and CAB.

If you are ever in the same situation please contact the following organisations who will point you in the right direction

http://www.acas.org.uk/ - provide information, advice, training, conciliation and other services for employers and employees to help prevent or resolve workplace problems.http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Free impartial advice on employment, money and other matters.

So since the media seem to think people with anxiety, and other mental health issues, are all mad crazy psychos who are making it all up...you know the usual nonsense they print...

The reason we get the below symptoms is down to our fight or flight mechanism kicking in. During an attack our body thinks we are in danger so this mechanism sends adrenaline pumping round the body to ensure we are ready to take action. Ever notice that you sweat during an attack? that's to cool the body down, heart thumping? that's to ensure our body is also getting enough blood to the vital organs as we battle this "threat".

well I decided to post a list of symptoms that we may experience....I know I have had a good few of these!

Increased heart rate

Increased muscle tension

“Jelly legs”

Tingling in the hands and feet

Hyperventilation (over breathing)

Dizziness

Difficulty in breathing

Wanting to use the toilet more often

Feeling sick

Tight band across the chest area

Tension headaches

Hot flushes

Increased perspiration

Dry mouth

Shaking

Choking sensations

Palpitations

Some of the most common psychological symptoms (the thoughts or altered perceptions we have) of anxiety are:

Thinking that you may lose control and/or go “mad”

Thinking that you might die

Thinking that you may have a heart attack/be sick/faint/have a brain tumour

Feeling that people are looking at you and observing your anxiety

Feeling as though things are speeding up/slowing down

Feeling detached from your environment and the people in it

Feeling like wanting to run away/escape from the situation

Feeling on edge and alert to everything around you

**list taken from http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/ - please have a look at their website for more help and advice

So grandparents, aunts and uncles were due to come to us on Christmas day and for dinner we were going to my parents.

23rd Dec and my son Liam was covered in spots.....the dreaded chicken pox. I have never had them and of course my anxiety had a field day going into overdrive convincing me I was going to get it and be seriously ill etc etc...now I know people are thinking oh my god are you serious?! I am a mother and like any other mum I tended to my unwell son regardless of what the outcome could have been for me. Christmas plans were ruined BUT that was not a concern to me, my son was!!....a few days later and he is better...5th Jan and our youngest Sophie is now covered in chicken pox quite severely and she ended up being taken by ambulance to A&E due to a sky high temperature. She is fine now :)

During this time I could not visit my parents as none of them have had chicken pox so for weeks I had not seen them, well we had skype but its not the same is it?

Due to not being out for days on end and with the worry over my kids being unwell anxiety came back to bug me yet again.I doubted my ability as a mother, wife, daughter and sister. Not a nice place to be.

Now I may be strong but even I have my slip ups!

I would only go out when I really had to and even then it wasn't alone. I knew I was going backwards and then something clicked yet again...the old me!!

Sunday was my sons birthday party and I went out to get air and it felt amazing! Why was I so scared of fresh air!! Well I am not but my anxiety likes to pretend I am.

Monday after my son finished nursery we all went shopping, Tuesday I went out MYSELF to get things for my sons actual birthday as we were having a tea party for him with family and today I took him to nursery myself too.

To some people that is every day life....to me after my flare up its a major achievement and it might be big headed but I am proud of me!!!