Not every relationship that you encounter is for YOU. I remember watching Oprah one day, probably during one of my all day catch up on Oprah marathon Sundays, and they were talking about the book with the same title as this blog post. It was revolutionary for me. Do you know how much time and energy I wasted on guys that weren’t into me?!?!? Tons of time and energy! No, too much time and energy! What I realized then was that I was not alone, but I was also so excited for all the women out there who are not going to spend another day wasting their energy on someone who’s NOT into them! Of course, It’s not only women who experience this so this post is for men also!

I really felt led to talk about this today because I am encountering more and more people who are in the wrong relationships. They are tied up in knots because the person they are with are not treating them well, not valuing them, just NOT relationship material. And what do they do… they internalize these actions as rejection.

Let Them De-Cloak

All relationships have a honeymoon period. As a good friend of mine likes to say, “In the beginning… They smell good, they look good, they feel good.” We all put our best foot forward when we meet someone new. However, over time we will all de-cloak. What I mean by that is, we all eventually will start to feel comfortable and want to settle in and take our coat off and stay for awhile. The person they are when they are comfortable, is typically the person we are in this relationship with for the long haul.

You’re Not Magical … So, Stop Waving Your Wand!

Yes, people do evolve and they change. However, I don’t care how amazing you are, if your partner’s inner thermometer doesn’t prompt them to be the best person they need to be in and out of the relationship they will not show up in the relationship as the partner you desire. Change is always an internal process. You cannot make them change. So, they can be really great people and show you glimmers of hope, especially in the beginning. When they are not relationship worthy, you will receive these messages:

“I don’t really like you that much.”

“I don’t like to show affection.”

“I only text, I don’t really like to talk on the phone.”

“I don’t really have time to go out.”

“I don’t really have time for a relationship.”

Trust your instincts and believe what they are telling you and showing you. Do not ignore the signs. If it looks like a snake, sounds like a snake, and it feels like a snake … Honey, it is a snake!

Don’t Block Your Blessings

When I started to let go of those people that really weren’t for me, it made room for my husband. The right relationship is available to everybody. Have the courage to say no to the relationships that don’t serve you and be ready for that person that is really into YOU!

About Keisha

Keisha Weiford is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Coach in private practice in Las Vegas, Nevada. She has helped couples, business executives and entertainers save relationships for over a decade.