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Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:39:14 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=3.8Teaching Emotional Intelligence to our Childrenhttp://tamingyouranger.com/teaching-emotional-intelligence-children/
http://tamingyouranger.com/teaching-emotional-intelligence-children/#commentsTue, 11 Feb 2014 21:23:40 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1559From the beginning of their lives our babies share their emotions. They tell us when they are emotionally at ease or ill at ease by using different sounds to express their varying degrees of comfort, pleasure or discomfort. In a short while, mothers and fathers can learn their baby’s language and come to understand what […]

]]>From the beginning of their lives our babies share their emotions. They tell us when they are emotionally at ease or ill at ease by using different sounds to express their varying degrees of comfort, pleasure or discomfort. In a short while, mothers and fathers can learn their baby’s language and come to understand what makes their child happy or unhappy; when they are hungry, or tired, or in pain. Babies directly express their emotions at a very basic, instinctual, level and we listen to them, we respond to them. There is no awareness, but the infant knows to react accordingly.

As infants develop, they become more aware and expressive every day. Children as young as eight months have demonstrated awareness by learning to communicate what they want and how they feel using sign language, even before they learn to speak.

We teach our children names of people, colors, and animals. Later, we teach them letters of the alphabet and how to count to ten. We want them to understand us when we speak to them and to be able to talk with us. We parents love it when our children learn. We want them to be smart. We want them to be intelligent.

But what is “Intelligence”?

Until Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner introduced the idea of “multiple intelligences” in 1968 everyone thought that “intelligence” meant the ability to think, to read, to do math, to understand things with our “thinking brain”, the neocortex.

But Gardner also identified numerous other intelligences such as mechanical intelligence, artistic intelligence, musical intelligence, athletic intelligence, and two kinds of emotional intelligence: awareness of self and awareness of others.

Until Gardner we did not think of artists, farmers, builders, chefs, musicians, athletes or dancer as being “intelligent”. Nor did we think of people who are extremely self aware and sensitive to the feelings and needs of others as also demonstrating a kind of intelligence: Emotional Intelligence.

Until Daniel Goleman, another Harvard Psychologist, published his bestselling book “Emotional Intelligence” in 1996, few people had even used the words “emotional Intelligence” in the same sentence.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence, or “EQ”, includes the awareness of one’s own emotions and the ability to express feelings so they can be understood.

Some people, more often men, may not even be aware when they are experiencing and emotion. Others may know when they are feeling an emotion but may not be able to identify it or give it a name. Others may be able to identify what they are feeling but may or may not be able to express themselves so they can be understood.

Emotional intelligence also manifests as an awareness and understanding of other people’s emotions and as the capacity for Sympathy and Empathy and Self Control.

One reason people may not even know when they are experiencing an emotion is they were not taught to do so. They may have been raised in a family culture that did not recognize the presence or absence of emotion so they never learned to recognize it or identify it or value it. Or, they may have been told that their emotions and their emotional expressions are bad or wrong. They may have been told, “Don’t cry, don’t be angry, don’t be sad” and were never taught to identify and express their emotions or to listen to and value others’ emotional experiences.

As a Clinical Psychologist for more than 25 years and a professional when it comes to understanding the psyche, I am convinced that one’s level of Emotional Intelligence contributes more directly to one’s quality of life than any other form of intelligence. You might be the smartest, most talented, richest person and, if you have not sufficiently developed your emotional intelligence, the quality of your life will be limited by your ability to understand and integrate your own and others’ emotional experiences.

You can start teaching very young children to embrace their feelings and to talk about how they feel. Once they learn to feel safe talking about their feelings as children, as they mature and develop other skills and talents, they will develop their capacity for emotional experience as well, which will assist them to live a fuller, more balanced, life.

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/teaching-emotional-intelligence-children/feed/3Can Emotional Intelligence help Prevent Relapse?http://tamingyouranger.com/can-emotional-intelligence-help-prevent-relapse/
http://tamingyouranger.com/can-emotional-intelligence-help-prevent-relapse/#commentsFri, 27 Sep 2013 00:55:09 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1577To avoid creating a Tower of Babel-type situation where we all seem to be speaking different languages, I’d like to begin this post by defining our terms. First of all, what do we mean by “relapse”? Wikipedia defines the word as “a recurrence of a past (typically medical) condition.” In the world of addiction and […]

]]>To avoid creating a Tower of Babel-type situation where we all seem to be speaking different languages, I’d like to begin this post by defining our terms. First of all, what do we mean by “relapse”? Wikipedia defines the word as “a recurrence of a past (typically medical) condition.” In the world of addiction and recovery, “relapse” refers to “falling off the wagon” or returning to a substance or behavior that one had previously committed to giving up.

The Building Blocks for Emotional Intelligence workbook teaches that addiction, like anger, functions as a secondary emotion, one that operates as a protective shield to help you avoid re-experiencing a painful primary emotion such as feeling unsafe, unloved, or alone. “Relapse,” then, represents a return to an old, dysfunctional pattern of attempting to deal with a painful primary emotion by engaging in a behavior we had already chosen to give up.

The desire to use a taboo substance or to engage in a taboo behavior can be broken down into three distinct components. What are they? The physical sensations experienced in the body; the emotional sensations likewise experienced in the body; and the concomitant thoughts that occur in the mind.

For example, a client with a history of Percocet and Oxycontin abuse had been sober for a few weeks, and she’d had a really bad day. She felt anxiousness in her chest, a clenching sensation in her stomach, and a metallic taste in her mouth. When gripped by her addiction, she’d interpreted these sensations to mean “I want to use,” and she had. But after learning to identify these same sensations in her chest, gut and mouth to mean “I need to take a brisk 10 minute walk right now,” she developed a new habit in response to those same physical and emotional cues.

Since we can’t stop ourselves from having emotions, we should expect to continue to experience the same primary emotions that originally motivated us to develop our addiction in the first place, even after having sworn to give it up. The challenge is to develop a new habit in response to the signal which we had previously interpreted as a need to engage in the addictive pattern.

This is yet another reason why emotional intelligence is so important: It can provide valuable information for those wanting to prevent their relapse into unwanted patterns of behavior. Once you’ve gone through physiological withdrawal, our emotional intelligence approach to “relapse prevention” doesn’t directly focus on giving something up, per se. Rather, we focus on training the brain to develop a new habit in response to the emotion that signals the thought “I want to use” or “I want to do it even though I told myself I don’t do that anymore.”

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/can-emotional-intelligence-help-prevent-relapse/feed/0What is Emotional Intelligence and how does it differ from other forms of Intelligence?http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-and-how-does-it-differ-from-other-forms-of-intelligence/
http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-and-how-does-it-differ-from-other-forms-of-intelligence/#commentsThu, 22 Aug 2013 05:41:20 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1562What is “intelligence”? We can broadly define EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE as a capacity for knowing and learning. When most people think about intelligence, they think about what IQ tests purport to measure: the capacity to learn to use logic, to reason, to do mathematics, to employ spatial reasoning, and to apply other abilities that require thinking […]

We can broadly define EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE as a capacity for knowing and learning. When most people think about intelligence, they think about what IQ tests purport to measure: the capacity to learn to use logic, to reason, to do mathematics, to employ spatial reasoning, and to apply other abilities that require thinking and understanding.

Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner changed all that with his theory of multiple intelligence’s IN 1983. In it, he subdivided the general idea of intelligence into mechanical intelligence, musical intelligence, physical intelligence, two more categories we now refer to as emotional intelligence AND SEVERAL OTHERS . Daniel Goleman, another Harvard Psychologist whose book popularized emotional intelligence in 1996, now also recognizes two additional KINDS of intelligence—social intelligence and ecological intelligence.

How do these various kinds of intelligence function?

Pretty much in the way you might expect, given their names. Those with greater mechanical intelligence can easily learn how things work, how to operate them, how to fix them, and how to improve upon them. People with high musical intelligence may have “perfect pitch,” a refined sense of timing and rhythm and the ability to make music with whatever they might have at hand. People with great physical intelligence can likewise excel at physical accomplishments. They easily learn complicated dance steps, are physically “coordinated” and graceful and, if they train and work hard, can accomplish great athletic feats.

But what about people who have high emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a fairly new concept, one introduced by Goleman into society less than 20 years ago. Before Goleman’s publications, you probably couldn’t even find the term “EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE” in the dictionary. Simply put, emotional intelligence refers to people’s awareness of their own emotions, others EMOTIONS, the capacity for sympathy, empathy, and self-control.

Like with all other forms of intelligence, some OF US are extremely gifted, others are extremely limited, and most of us fall somewhere between those two extremes. However, unlike other intelligence’s that remain fairly constant throughout life, emotional intelligence can be developed. People can become emotionally “smarter.” In other words, people can develop their ability to learn to be more aware of themselves and others, gain greater understanding of the nature of emotion itself, and develop and maintain self-control.

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-and-how-does-it-differ-from-other-forms-of-intelligence/feed/0Anger Management Techniques: Pros and Conshttp://tamingyouranger.com/anger-management-techniques-pros-and-cons/
http://tamingyouranger.com/anger-management-techniques-pros-and-cons/#commentsSun, 14 Jul 2013 20:42:55 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1549The Pros are that all Anger Management Techniques work some times for some people. The Con is that they only work for those who learn to use them in moments of anger. To learn to use them in moments of anger requires that you develop a new habit before hand, or the anger impulse will […]

]]>The Pros are that all Anger Management Techniques work some times for some people. The Con is that they only work for those who learn to use them in moments of anger. To learn to use them in moments of anger requires that you develop a new habit before hand, or the anger impulse will take over before you even realize that you’ve lost control.

Based on principles of Cognitive Behavioral psychology, the Taming Your Anger with Emotional Intelligence program, (TYA) employs some traditional Anger Management techniques to assist participants in their learning process for creating new emotional habits in response to the signal of anger.

While all anger management programs recommend doing a “breathing exercise” or a “relaxation exercise” to be used in moments of anger, at TYA we teach EQ breathing, a specific breathing method, and we encourage students to practice it, daily, until it becomes a habit. Once it becomes a habit it is no longer simply an anger management technique, it becomes part of one’s natural breathing pattern in moments of emotional excitement.

Another distinction between Taming Your Anger “TYA” with Emotional Intelligence and traditional Anger Management classes is that Anger Management classes are for people who have been court mandated to take it. It is a criminal sentence imposed by a judge upon those whose behavior brought them into a court of law. Thankfully, most people don’t need Anger Management. But we could all benefit from developing our Emotional Intelligence and gaining more self control. Simply put, TYA is a program for people who want to change their behavior, for people who want to learn to express their anger in ways that cause no harm and no regret.

Check out www.Remedy4Rage.com and watch how some at risk teens learn the program and even teach it to others.

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/anger-management-techniques-pros-and-cons/feed/0What is Anger Management?http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-anger-management/
http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-anger-management/#commentsThu, 27 Jun 2013 18:15:20 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1539A person wondering what anger management is would be best served by understanding the nature of anger itself. Anger is one of the human emotions, and may be useful in certain situations to prepare for “fight or flight.” It has triggers, and affects people to varying degrees and has differing impacts. The purpose of anger […]

]]>A person wondering what anger management is would be best served by understanding the nature of anger itself. Anger is one of the human emotions, and may be useful in certain situations to prepare for “fight or flight.” It has triggers, and affects people to varying degrees and has differing impacts. The purpose of anger management is to get control over these things. There are techniques and exercises, which can be practiced to eliminate susceptibility to the triggers, reduce the degree of uncontrolled rage and learn how to mitigate its negative impact.

Do you have additional questions about anger management? Contact the office of Dr. Steve Wolf in Los Angeles today.

The following are the popular anger management techniques:

Anger Management Counseling

Group Therapy Sessions

Relaxation Technique

Problem Solving

Cognitive Restructuring

Improved Communication

Since the reasons for excessive anger are different for each individual, the aims of anger management counseling also need to be kept subjective and flexible. Generally speaking, the first thing to do is identify the triggers and find ways to stay away from situations that may trigger anger. Group therapy, relaxation, and problem solving techniques help individuals keep calm when faced with triggers, and channel the unhealthy anger into a healthy way for finding a constructive solution to the problem.

Cognitive restructuring is the process of opening up the mind to dissipate irrational and dangerous thoughts with the help of various techniques, such as Socratic questioning. A simpler way to put it is that anger distorts thinking and leads to a cyclical process wherein these thoughts fuel more anger. This cycle can be broken with simple yet highly effective rational challenges to the “automatic thoughts” the mind conjures up. Being able to communicate better will obviously help dispel wrong assumptions that can trigger bouts of anger.

Would you like to know more about how Dr. Steve Wolf can help with anger management? Contact our Los Angeles office today.

Did you know?

Courts can legally mandate anger management courses.

If excessive anger and aggression has led to an individual breaking the law or being considered as a danger to themselves and others, courts have the authority to force such individuals to attend an anger management course.

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/what-is-anger-management/feed/0How Anger Management Courses Can Helphttp://tamingyouranger.com/how-anger-management-courses-can-help/
http://tamingyouranger.com/how-anger-management-courses-can-help/#commentsThu, 27 Jun 2013 17:49:57 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1533Anger is a human emotion that is often required as a protection mechanism. However, some individuals are unable to control it. This is how Los Angeles anger management can help: by helping to identify the triggers and teach the individual how to be calm and restructure cognitive processes when faced with frustrating or tense situations. […]

]]>Anger is a human emotion that is often required as a protection mechanism. However, some individuals are unable to control it. This is how Los Angeles anger management can help: by helping to identify the triggers and teach the individual how to be calm and restructure cognitive processes when faced with frustrating or tense situations. The results are startlingly effective and have a wide-ranging impact from better health and safer driving, to improved productivity and personal relations.

Would you like to know more about how Los Angeles anger management courses can help? Contact the office of Dr. Steve Wolf today.

The following are some of the common benefits of taking an anger management course:

The most important benefit of taking an anger management course is that the counseling sessions and tools will help the individual understand his or her own anger – where it comes from, how to avoid the triggers, and how to remain calm in a stressful situation. It can literally save your life, by helping with getting a grip on road rage and not giving in to reckless impulses that can drown out the brain’s logical reasoning and survival instincts.

An anger management course will also have a dramatic effect on the individual’s physical health and well-being. Being angry all the time tends to take a toll on the body, causing sleep and digestive disorders and high blood pressure, among other things. By the same token, being able to control anger makes these symptoms go away and enhances physical well-being. Improving communication skills is one of the key techniques provided in the course, and will help in resolving situations that would otherwise lead to anger. It goes without saying that this leads to a better overall personality and more success in life and careers.

Would you like more information on Los Angeles anger management courses? Contact the office of Dr. Steve Wolf and schedule an appointment today.

Did you know?

Anger management courses can help avoid jail time.

People facing a criminal trial for breaking the law in a fit of rage can agree to a plea deal wherein they agree to attend an anger management course in lieu of actual jail time.

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/how-anger-management-courses-can-help/feed/0Disarming Angerhttp://tamingyouranger.com/disarming-anger/
http://tamingyouranger.com/disarming-anger/#commentsMon, 03 Jun 2013 00:09:28 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1511Dear Colleagues, During a recent presentation at the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists’ (CAMFT) yearly conference I shared my Vision Statement , “to reduce violence and increase emotional intelligence, one person at a time, beginning with myself, and passing it on”. I described how to disarm anger during therapy and how to assist […]

During a recent presentation at the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists’ (CAMFT) yearly conference I shared my Vision Statement , “to reduce violence and increase emotional intelligence, one person at a time, beginning with myself, and passing it on”. I described how to disarm anger during therapy and how to assist clients to develop new habits in response to the signal of anger. If you would like to learn to teach this to your clients contact me or go to www.TamingYourAnger.com

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/in-what-ways-do-you-deal-with-or-express-your-anger/feed/0Can Anger Management Courses Help Decrease Violence in College and Professional Sports?http://tamingyouranger.com/can-anger-management-courses-help-decrease-violence-in-college-and-professional-sports/
http://tamingyouranger.com/can-anger-management-courses-help-decrease-violence-in-college-and-professional-sports/#commentsThu, 04 Apr 2013 20:21:17 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1426Like bankers who suffer no criminal penalty for crimes involving billions while petty thieves get years in jail, institutionalized aggression by Coaches and Deans in college and professional sports remains largely ignored and tolerated. Anger Management course ought to not only be about controlling individual emotional outbursts, it ought to also be about controlling aggression […]

]]>Like bankers who suffer no criminal penalty for crimes involving billions while petty thieves get years in jail, institutionalized aggression by Coaches and Deans in college and professional sports remains largely ignored and tolerated.

Anger Management course ought to not only be about controlling individual emotional outbursts, it ought to also be about controlling aggression imposed on others by people in power.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Wolf’s program, Taming Your Anger, a proven successful anger management course that has helped hundreds of people learn to control their anger contact us today!

Professional Sports

True. Professional athletes do, on occasion, lose control and individual athletes would definitely benefit from learning to Tame their Anger. They could avoid paying tens of thousands of dollars in fines, avoid weakening their team by being penalized to sit out important games and they would serve as better role models for the millions who admire what they do for a living.

Professional sports involve fierce competition between top athletes pushing themselves to the limits of their capacity in what might be described as controlled combat. But we’re no longer talking about Romans tossing slaves into the lion’s den. These athletes are paid lots of money to participate and there is no systemic institutional support for abusive violence in professional sports.

Professional Athletes have unions to protect them from their bosses and each league takes responsibility for regulating the behavior of its participants. No one gets hurt in professional sports who don’t want to play the game. As a case in point, professional football recently instituted a new “crown of the helmet” rule prohibiting the use of helmets as a head butting device for running backs moving the ball up field.

College Sports

Unlike professional athletes, college athletes have no power. They have no unions and it is illegal for them to be paid. Like indentured servants, student athletes work incredibly hard to maintain their college status while their coaches are well paid and their school often makes millions of dollars off of their labor, in some cases even after they have graduated. While the NCAA has a $10.8 billion TV contract, college athletes train 25 to 35 hours week in addition to attending classes and don’t get paid. They also have no “job security”. In many cases they lose their scholarship if they don’t play ball and they don’t get medical insurance to cover them for sustained injuries.

Parents also expect their talented hard working teenage athletes to be protected by their colleges and their coaches.

However, college athletes are often taken advantage of or even abused by coaches assigned to be their caretakers. Admittedly, the Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno-Penn State scandal that rocked the nation in 2011 is an extreme event because it involved sexual abuse. But it wasn’t only about the sexual violence imposed by Sandusky on his teen aged prey; the bigger outrage was rightfully directed toward the Penn State college administrators who tolerated the ongoing abuse of children to protect their coach and their football program that generated millions each year.

Similarly, yesterday Coach Mike Rice got fired as Rutger’s basketball coach but the Rutgers’ administration saw a video of Rice kicking and hitting and swearing at his college athletes in November. They suspended him for a few months and rehired him. Any other teacher would have been arrested for assault. Once again we see a university’s tolerance of a coach’s abuse of college athletes “for the sake of the team”.

It requires great risk and courage to speak up against powerful college coach-predators. College athletes usually shut up and take it like other college kids who foolishly tolerate hazing to get into a fraternity. To speak up about emotional abuse by a college coach requires a student and their family to risk a lucrative future in professional sports and a college degree, because its more than likely that nothing will be done about their complaint and the likely outcome is that the student gains a negative reputation as a trouble making whistle blower.

While there has not yet been a national expose of abusive college coaches’ treatment of their teen aged athletes and the wink and nod of acceptance by college administrations, I have personally been privy to numerous incidents wherein students have been victims of coaches’ abuse condoned and enabled by the hierarchy of a college campus.

Regretfully, I fear that Mike Rice is just a poster boy. Sports radio is already talking about where he will coach in the future.

College and Professional Coaches should be required to learn Anger Management to identify and Tame Their Anger, their staff and athletes anger both on and off the field. They are in positions of power and when they abuse that power by imposing their authority on those they are franchised to protect it should not be tolerated. College Deans should be demanded to protect their students at the risk of losing their coaches and of jeopardizing the performance of their teams.

Dr. Steve Wolf’s program, Taming Your Anger, is a proven successful anger management course that has helped hundreds of people gain control of their emotions. Visit us online to learn more!

]]>http://tamingyouranger.com/can-anger-management-courses-help-decrease-violence-in-college-and-professional-sports/feed/0Violence in the Military: Rape is Just the Tip of The Iceberghttp://tamingyouranger.com/violence-in-the-military-rape-is-just-the-tip-of-the-iceberg/
http://tamingyouranger.com/violence-in-the-military-rape-is-just-the-tip-of-the-iceberg/#commentsSun, 31 Mar 2013 22:04:26 +0000http://www.tamingyouranger.com/?p=1415It is said that war is hell. But we could attempt to change the violent culture of our military by no longer condoning the violence, abuse and hazing which commonly occurs among our troops which contribute to that hell. Stories of military hazing are common place, with the first scandals involving hazing in the military […]

]]>It is said that war is hell. But we could attempt to change the violent culture of our military by no longer condoning the violence, abuse and hazing which commonly occurs among our troops which contribute to that hell.

Rape of women in the military has recently risen because célèbre as an outcome of the acclaimed documentary film “The Hidden War”. “The Pentagon’s own estimate is that close to 20-thousand servicewomen were sexually assaulted in 2010, while only a small fraction resulted in courts martial, and fewer in convictions. Instead of the rapists being punished, the women were the ones who ended up paying a price, sometimes losing their careers.”

However, it is lesser known that 56% of estimated victims of sexual assault are men. ( “the Last Word” TV show, March 13, 2013)

Last week Senator Claire Mccaskill got it right when she introduced new legislation to address rape in the military. She said “The crime of rape has nothing to do with sexual gratification. its a crime of assault, power, domination and I believe that the only way that victims of sexual assault will feel empowered in the military is to get these guys and put them in prison. ( “the Last Word” TV show, March 13, 2013)

I agree, the violent culture of our military does need to change. However, I disagree with Senator Mccaskill’s statement that, ““this is not a crime to train our way out of.”

Of course hazers and rapists should be punished. But I contend that all military personnel would also benefit from basic training in Taming Your Anger. What percentage of our soldiers, mostly young men and women in their late teens and early twenties, would not suicide or require treatment for PTSD if they do not have to deal with fears of being attacked, hazed, raped or shot by their fellow warriors?

Prevention is better than cure. Lets provide early psychological/emotional training for military personnel with the intent of preparing them for their military service with the intent of reducing their trauma when they return.

A team of Vet to Vet Peer Counselors will be trained in the Taming Your Anger/Emotional Intelligence Program in early April with the intent of teaching it to other Vets throughout their national organization. For further information and to make donations go to www.TamingYourAnger.com