Honestly, a lot of it was pretty disgusting. All that “underground” stuff.

So it had been a long time since I listened to any of Eminem’s stuff. But I recently heard “Lose Yourself” by Eminem at the CrossFit gym I train at. The song started playing during the toughest part of my workout, the part where I felt my body failing.

During that moment I reached down deep and refused to quit. I pushed my body to it’s limit and did something my mind argued it couldn’t do. And it felt good.

I remember experiencing this same feeling of intensity when I would play ice hockey.

Down by one goal with less than one minute left in a playoff game and you have the puck and look up and see the goal in front of you; but there’s a guy chasing you down to your left. You know he’s faster but something kicks in during that moment and you reach down and force your legs to dig in harder than ever before and you start putting distance between you and him, creating space to take your “one shot.”

Emimen’s “Lose Yourself” was released on October 28, 2002, about 3 months before I got hooked on cocaine and started my downward spiral into a life of drug dealing, crime and overdoses.

Back then I thought my “one shot” was to make it big as a drug dealer. To make bigger connections and buy larger supplies of drugs so I could “win” the game.

I figured I’d be dead before I turned 30 and I didn’t care. “Live fast, die young,” I thought.

And now I’m 32 years old and very much not dead.

But one thing hasn’t changed… the thought that we only have “one shot” at this thing called life.

And that’s what I was reminded of when I heard this song again.

I have no desire to return to the streets or use drugs again. Been there, done that. And I no longer believe I’m going to be a pro hockey player (I gave that up when I was 17).

But I do have a desire to “dream big.” To live a full life. To dig deep and push the limits of what my mind tells me is possible at times. I want to be completely spent after this game.

Except now the game isn’t hockey or dealing. It’s business. It’s life. And the stakes are higher.

For the last 5 years I’ve worked as a freelance copywriter and I’ve done OK. I made enough to support my family and created a little “lifestyle business” for myself.

But I’m not happy.

If I were to just get incrementally better at copywriting and slowly grow my freelance business every year for the next 5 years I would not be happy.

Why?

Because I want to play a bigger game. And this is why I feel drawn to entrepreneurship over freelancing. To being a business owner vs being self-employed.

There’s nothing wrong with freelancing. But there is something wrong with not being true to yourself. And deep down I know I’m called to play a bigger game.

So tonight is a big night for me. After a lot of struggling and battles with fear and uncertainty I felt something click inside of me. Something that says, I’m going to get in the game. And I’m going to win. I’ll get beat up, hurt and pissed off at times.

But I refuse to quit.

I refuse to retreat to safety. I refuse to give in to the Resistance who wants to tell me I suck and I’m not cut out for this type of work. “Just go back and type on your keyboard some more. You don’t have what it takes to play at this level.”

But I choose to take those negative thoughts and accusations and convert them into motivational energy. Now I welcome the Resistance to tell me I can’t do it. It just adds more fuel to the fire.

So ask yourself:

If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?