Wednesday, August 18, 2010

facebook cock un-block [88]

day 88 ---day 89 252.0

the scale has got to be lying, i had fast food last night... admittedly i didn't eat much of it as i got full and ended up just spit chewing at least half of it... but still. after eating nothing to eating solids then fast food... and only gaining like half a pound? that's impossible. i'll get a new scale one of these days... i just feel like i can't trust them since they're so inaccurate.. who's to say the next one wont lie? how will i ever REALLY know?

does this thought process make me crazy?

probably...-------------------------------so... i wake up this morning to log into my facebook... and see that friend of mine's facebook status say he's single now... cause that's not foreboding. lol.

i bet you anything he'll make a move at some point if we're not in a car all night.

honestly.. i'm not sure if i'll go along with it. i've thought about it long and hard and i can't decide what i'll do.... doesn't mean i'm not going to wear my sexy red bra. tehe.

i dunno, its a bad idea, we have different sexual needs, we're both submissive, plus i can get like 8 different guys and a girl to kiss me if i want to make out. it seems unwise to venture down that path.. but i crave having his sexual desires on me. i had a massive crush on him in high school.. and i guess i never really got over wanting his attention. he once told me i was a classic beauty..years later it has stuck with me.

it's weird.. i can't take a compliment... but they stick in my head like the needy slut i am.

whatever.

ted is being kind of a punk. we went from bliss and dirtiness to last night where he pushed me away saying i would never want him, could never touch him or be with him and saying he wants to be friends instead.

i kept telling him over and over, we weren't friends... cause we're not.

i care about him deeply but is not even remotely platonic.

he said this morning that the reason he was that way last night was because he realized that we had an online relationship and not an in real life which made him sad.

why do men refuse to hear me when i speak?

oie.

i talked to that guy who wanted to ask me out last weekend but there have been lots of awkward silences. we had a really successful phone call filled with giggles. maybe we will meet up.

i get the impression he's not really aware of how fat i am even though my profile says "full figured" i guess that could be deemed as curvaceous as opposed to the fat ass i am.. but i don't know.

i sent him a link to deviantart account that is filled with pictures of me.. though i'm fatter in most of those pictures than i am now.. but.. it'll give him a head's up.

who knows?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------i bought a huge fuck off mirror yesterday.

i rearranged my entire room and put it on top of my desk as a vanity. its enormous like 3x4 feet.. it seems so much bigger without the cardboard on it... but i think it will do me good. give me something to really look at in the morning. motivation.. self assurance..

i really like how my room is turning out. it feels more and more like ME with every change i make.

i was looking at the room yesterday after i had moved things around.. and realized that it was the same basic set up as it was in my apartment before the ex moved in... interesting that i did that without thinking.

it's the starting of a new era, what can i say?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------page: aww you're sweet to say i'm interesting.. i'm soooo not.... lol but i'm glad to show a little light in someone else's life.---liz: lol, you totally just want to make out with me. get over it, and do it already. :P i sent you a message on facebook, you can check her out from there though her profile picture is weird and i don't know how much you can see without being her "friend" i'll email you a picture if it comes down to that.---peridot: lol i think he's actually already blown his shot. i texted him back asking who he was and he has yet to respond. i'll probably text him again tonight and see if anything comes of it. if not.. forget it.

fucker.

i SO have better options than a guy who plays sweet then is totally unreliable.

feed me, seymore.

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