Category: Humor

HER: I want to lodge a harassment complaint.
HR REP: What is the nature of the offense?
HER: I caught Bob viewing a near nude picture of me online.
HR REP: Online? What site?
HER: Here it is.
HR REP: Ma’am, that’s Facebook.
HER: So? Does that make it OK to harass me?
HR REP: Not trying to belittle your problem… but have you considered NOT making it your profile picture?

Like this:

Unless you’re beneath a rock you know a 22 year old died July 4 when he placed a “mortar” atop his head and it exploded. He was drinking at the time, though it may have merely been a coincidence. Right?

His mom is suing for controls on explosives. Cause ya know, who knew explosives might explode?

— Does the box mention it?

— How big is the font?

— Does it say NOT to launch from atop your cranial cavity?

— Are there guards keeping it from fitting on your head?

Before getting too rough on mom, consider she might have a point, albeit backwards. Should she sue Anhauser Busch for not having a warning that the product shouldn’t be consumed while playing with deadly explosives?

Granted if that suit won we’d need MUCH larger beer bottles for all the warnings needed.

— Do not operate motor vehicles, power tools, or trans-continental passenger jets.

— Avoid use while making life changing financial decisions.

— Not for use while considering matrimony.

— Product makes really bad ideas sound great.

Then again if we made separate bottles for men and women you could get more specific, with warnings such as:

It’s a well known fact that men have gone to bars, picked up a 10, awakened with a weak 4. Yet nowhere on the bottle is there a warning about this. Women have similarly been duped into any number of regrettable decisions which may be directly attributed to the malicious refusal of big alcohol to provide sufficient labeling.

Just some food for thought. Let’s face it… we are all tired of seeing wedding videos after the fact and discovering we were duped by a memory of “awesome dance moves”.

Like this:

Salon.com (hardly a bastion of right wing thought)recently posted about Seinfeld & other comedians condemning regimented PC “sensitivity“. It’s become so ingrained they avoid venues (like colleges) where it is more fashionable to hiss than laugh at jokes which fail to meet the ever growing “tolerance” rulebook.

That incidentally is why movies like Blazing Saddles, which by any measure is dedicated to pointing and laughing AT narrow-minded bigots, not with them… couldn’t be made today.

That’s unfortunate, as it is probably the best movie in history at making bigotry and racism look totally stupid.

And for the record, it isn’t NEAR as funny watching it on PC-wary channels that bleep out non-PC words to avoid even the possibility someone might be offended.

Similarly, the Monty Python show, which pushed a LOT of boundaries, had more gay jokes than virtually any show then or now… in skits performed by a largely gay cast. It’s called “having a sense of humor“.

Heck, Foxworthy makes a living telling redneck jokes, which I find hilarious. Not IN SPITE of the fact many hit me, but because of it.

[And no, I do NOT date my cousins. Anymore.]

So how DID the land of the free turn into the land afraid to giggle? I feel sorry for kids growing up with this nonsense. They’ll miss a lot of fun.

They’ll also miss worthwhile lessons about REAL tolerance… not the kind that demands you censor yourself and others. If you consider censorship even mildly related to tolerance, you might want to look the word up. You’re using it wrong.

Family points out that notwithstanding prior criminal convictions… “he a good boy who love his momma and gonna apply to Harvard soon as his ankle monitor comes off”.

Stated his mother, a single crack whore just trying to make a living in a world of white privilege… “I axe you, can’t accidently shooting a cop or two happen to anyone?”

Asked for comment, the president emphatically denies Jeffrey is one of his imaginary sons. Meanwhile, Ferguson protester Deray McKesson indicates his sources verify Mr Williams is secretly a member of the KKK.

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ETIQUETTE TIP #107:
Remember, the obligation to be courteous shouldn’t stop in the workplace. For example, ladies, if offered a relaxing backrub, it’s annoying when you immediately assume it’s only offered as a prelude to sex.

In the same vein, it’s just rude to respond with a barrage of questions like “Who the hell are you” or “How did you get into my house?!”.