AGR + AGP DUE TO W+K + PDX: ASU and Ducks

If you can understand the title of this blog then you are both a true fan of this blog and also really good at acronymic behaviour. Two things, acronymic didn’t get a red swiggly line (swiggly did) so turns out that’s a fucking word and also I spelled behaviour all British because the climate here in PDX is a lot more Englandy (also got a swiggly line).

First, an update. I am having a blast here in PDX, both at work and exploring and enjoying rain and seasons and what I must admit is a serious whiskey and pig meat town. It’s hard to have a bad time. After 6 months of rain, perhaps I change my tune, but I’m the bearfighter. Not the fucking rain avoider.

So, I watched the Oregon game from a penthouse at the Governor in downtown PDX, just into SW. There was a balcony and at times I thought about jumping. But I didn’t.

Beyond the fact my primary reaction due to Oregon’s helmets was to want to eat a bagel (didn’t they look like an animated GIF of a knife through cream cheese?), I had to give it to them. That offense did what it wanted. Their wide outs were blocking like pulling linemen and in the end, this game was super arrogant. There were over a billion yards of combined offense and one super BS call on our onside kick. Not sure it would have mattered. It did to the casinos who called the booth and called it off.

There’s not much to dwell on. Again, too many turnovers. Our offense basically took the notion that Oregon played defense at an elite level and took a dump on its face. We played awful D. They played adjacent to awful D. I’m not a schadenfreude kind of guy, but it was pretty obvious Oregon sucks on D, almost as much as we did.

I’m going to leave it alone, basking in the satisfaction that when I go drinking during our game against Notre Dame, all of Oregon will be routing for us and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it. Of course I put my Pete Carroll signed USC helmet on my desk. Yes I am still super handsome. Caviar on the side. I said ON THE SIDE. What the fuck, Pac Northwest? In a year it’ll be the Zack Northwest.

It’s not the year we expected, but that’s not always so bad. I’ve had nights out on the town that ended up different than I expected and they are some of my favorite stories. Call me, we’ll take the convo offline.

To weigh in quickly, the acts of our student manager who deflated the balls in the first half to provide an advantage for our team, that was some bullshit and as much as I am for Trojans in the workforce, homie needed to get fired. That said, the argument that somehow Oregon pulled away because we used regular balls in the second half is BS. Oregon pulled away because our defense could not stop them at all at any point and frankly, that isn’t all on our players.

It’s an ugly situation, I’m leaving it at that.

Somehow, if we win out, the Pac 12 Championship still looks good. I’d love another shot at Oregon just to mess shit up, fuck around, maybe go to a phantom Rose Bowl. Remember, it’s always sunny on Trousdale. Not so much in PDX. Leave me alone. I look rad in rain gear. Follow me on instagram @lostangelesblog. I’ll prove it.

The truth is, we got ASU this weekend and basically, they were part of what made our season last year less than perfect. They are experimenting with all kinds of uniforms, suffering from a really hot student body and we’re like a big fucking bear with big fucking claws and we’re trying to kill the rabbit.

Our next two games are really it. I can’t ignore the amount of calls for Kiffin to be fired, it’s a totally valid thought, but so is the thought about his ability to recruit during sanctions, which are still not over. For me, I want a new O coordinator to take that responsibility and the defense needs to be addressed.

But we still have these 2 Pac 12 games and a chance to get to the title game. I want to stay concise today, I want to avoid a long ASU preview. You guys have heard all my Tempe trashing, the one-word night clubs, the Jersey Shore-ish club promotors and the distraction of what is a ridiculously hot student body. You guys have also heard that they are scoring something like 37 points a game and that they have a top 25 offense.

Every season has a breaking point and let’s keep it real as the Loch Ness Monster. This is that game. If this game doesn’t go well, the season becomes simple. It’s just about beating our rivals. Don’t get me wrong. Those two days are perfect Saturdays no matter what. It is a total pleasure to have teams you just simply need to beat no matter what, regardless of record. The thing is, we need this game to keep any aspirations alive and I hope we’re up to it.

That said, as I’ve had to more than I want to, I am hear to remind you that being a member of Arrogant Nation has few rules. That isn’t to say there are no rules. In fact, there are two.

When you win, you celebrate your ass off.

When you lose, you celebrate your ass off because you will probably win next weekend.

Any additional thinking beyond that is just raking your face over a cheese grater for decisions you won’t be involved in. We are the fans and we can never be fair weather.

Fuck the Sun Devils. Fuck the negativity. Enjoy some fucking football for the Bearfighter.

PREDICTIONS

USC 45ASU 35

As usual, their team will be distracted by the hotness of both student bodies just a little bit more than we will. Why this is is a complicated mathematical formula proving why our team is less distracted by hotness and it involves the fact Phoenix is one zone of hot people surrounded by desert whereas our team has to deal with hotness as far north as Santa Barbara and as far south as San Diego. We’re more immune. It’s worth a ten spot.

KIFFIN OUTFIT PREDICTION

Covered in tomatoes given the emails I am getting. I’ll be wearing a rain jacket.

2 PT CONVERSIONS

Let’s be real. With so many Kiffin critics right now, he’s going to do the opposite of logic and try like 7 of these. And we’ll love him for it.

KYLE NEGRETE PREDATOR DRONES

While USC lost to Oregon, Kyle’s mustache beat both teams, the crowd and the rush hour traffic.

Appreciate the Swingers reference! I’m assuming you liken Jon F to Oregon and and Vince V. to USC. Can’t you just see Chip Kelly uttering the words “I really need to use the phone” and LFK walk by him in the trailer!!!

I’ve been a fan for some time now, Zack. Your blog came online my freshman year here at SC and truly added a new depth to a bowl-banned season. Our punishment became a celebration of our history–it didn’t matter we were sent to detention, everyone knew we were the smartest person in the classroom and so we had no trouble reminding them of that as they made fun of us for getting in trouble. If we lost, it didn’t matter, we were still SC and we didn’t really have much else to lose. It’s not like they could steal our history during a bowl-banned season.

But now, that is on some level what is happening. A USC team ranked #1 with top NFL prospects across the board has lost 3 games through 9, two of those being to teams we had no business losing to. We can’t afford to feel we’re going to win every week because we have something to lose this season–our history, or rather the continuation of it. We have to understand the teams we’re playing are very competitive and so we cannot afford to be distracted by our confidence. Every Trojan must show up and earnestly cheer for our football culture to continue and flourish.

It doesn’t matter if we think we’re better or we are actually better, our football culture must return to being more genuine and concerned with what’s happening on the field.

appreciate your point, but what is probably a 3 loss season isn’t enough for me to think our AD doesn’t want us to win and spend all day thinking about it. firing kiffin right now, does that help us win a game this season?

Not at all, my appeal didn’t regard Kiffin’s job, it was more his attitude in conjunction with yours.

“Probably a 3 loss season” is just an encapsulation of my point. On the flip side, we could be looking at a 6 loss season. We can’t be so confident that we’ll win next week, or the week after, etc. Simply by virtue of being in this situation, we should see we need to be less confident.

The call for Kiffin’s firing is fair only because he’s led us into this “probable 3 loss season.” But in my opinion, the reason it really rings true is because he still acts like we’ll more than likely win next week, when he has shown very recently that there’s no legitimate reason for that confidence.

Hi Zack, I began reading your blog for bachelor recaps, which I thoroughly enjoy, I soon realized you also write a USC football blog which I also find entertaining (I am a husky) so I am always interested in how you plan to offend the Huskies every once and a while. This isn’t about football though, after i saw you moved to Portland, I wanted to tell you about an amazing martini bar… I don’t know the name, but I am sure if you ask someone in Portland they might know. I went here 2 years ago after I watched the Huskies easily win apple cup, after I had approximately 4 bottles of wine, I then proceeded to forget I was a living human and proceeded to ruin everyone in the bar’s night. Trust me, you can ask the bartenders about me, they recently asked my friend when I was coming back with my Pom poms (getting to that). I arrive at said martini bar basically hallucinating and immediately order a double gin and tonic, the bartender recommends I order some food, I order a salad, dressing on the side (good choice) which he then proceeds to feed me over the bar, because I cannot use utensils at this point. I then question him on whether or not he made me a gin and tonic, which very much tastes like 7 up. He says it’s a new drink he is testing…ie 7 up. I then remember I had brought my purple and gold Pom poms stashed in my purse from my days of uw cheerleading and aggressively shake them in his face, he seemed oddly displeased… However he must have gotten over it if he is asking for my return. I have two points to this story though. Firstly, this martini bar clearly has excellent customer service, and secondly, I challenge you to get a pair of USC Pom poms from an actual song girl (not those crappy ones from the bookstore at SC), find this bartender at the PDX martini bar and shake them in his face… I think it will make his day. Anyway, thanks for writing the Bach recaps and entertaining me during football season.