NOTE TO GIRLS: Knowing sports
is like, a super awesome bonus. It adds to your coolness. So does a
knowledge of video games, gadgets, and professional wrestling.

NOTE TO GUYS: If a girl knows
about ALL of those things, then give up. Because there is no woman on
Earth who enjoys sports, video games, gadgets, professional wrestling
AND the pen!s. She plays for the other team.

Namath was drunk and on National
Television. (Always a great combination!) And he tells Ms. Kolber that
he wants to kiss her. And just in case she -- and the rest of
America -- didn't hear him, he said it AGAIN!

Sloppy Seconds off a Hall of Fame
Quarterback is worth bragging rights. "I got with the girl
who got with Joe Namath!" It's somehow both manly and g@y at the same
time.

Rachel Alexander Nichols:

Ms. Nichols has beautiful skin.
That's important. So soft. Nice skin makes you want to cover a
girl with kisses. Bad skin makes you want to cover a girl
with a paper bag.

Ms. Nichols is not only hot,
but she has the amazing ability to NOT BLINK for 30 minutes at a
time. This leads me to conclude that Ms. Nichols is a robot. ESPN
has run out of hot women who know about sports, so they are building them!

Every night they upload the latest
stats and stories into her hard drive.

NOTE: Man, I would love to be guy
who plugs into her little USB port!

NOTE TO SELF: Tee-hee-hee!

Bonnie Bernstein has a
special place in my heart. Not because she is Jewish and from New York
like me. But because she is a four-time Academic All-American in
Gymnastics!

Just like me!

Just kidding. But gymnastic ability
increases a girl's hotness level by at least a point.

Next up, Jill Arrington:

She's retired but I'm including her
because I can. How's that for a reason?

And also because she is the only (as
far as I know) Female Sports Reporter to actually pose all sexy-like
for a magazine:

Now I will reward all of you
REAL HogWild fans who have made it to the bottom of my article. I know I
lost a few of you for "personal reasons" right from the first photo. But
now I present to you an undiscovered treasure of Female Sports
Reporting.

Ines Sainz:

Ines Sainz is a Sports Reporter for
TV Azteca. Once again, Mexican Television leads the way!