Sisters reflect on 36 years of marriage and a double wedding ceremony

Published: Sunday, June 15, 2014 at 11:16 PM.

Carol and Jim hadn’t settled on a date by the time Herman proposed, so it was a simple decision.

“We talked about it, we said, ‘How about a double wedding? That could be fun,” Carol said. “So we asked the guys and they were all for it.”

Jim and Herman agreed: The wedding benefited friends and family who might have a difficult time making it to separate weddings, due either to time or fiscal constraints, and it was also easier financially for the sisters’ parents.

“It made sense, that way everybody could get there at one time,” Jim said.

But even more than sense, Diane said it also made it more meaningful, because they got to spend time planning together. They lived under the same roof together until the wedding.

“Carol and Mom and I would go around town, and get the dresses, the flowers,” Diane said.

Herman added that the relationships between all of them and their families helped lay a strong foundation for their marriages.

Apart from the varying insignia on the bottom right corners of the covers, one might mistake the two sisters’ books for each others’.

Looking inside, most of the photos are the same, as are the dates of their weddings inscribed on the covers: April 8, 1978.

Diane and Carol married their husbands, Herman Martin and Jim Osika, in a double wedding ceremony 36 years ago at the sisters’ childhood church, St. Mary’s in Wappingers Falls, New York.

The day they exchanged vows, their father, Harry Wagner, walked each of them down the aisle: Carol first, before making a lap around to escort Diane.

The Osikas got engaged in July 1977, and the Martins followed shortly after in November. After that happened, the four said it was almost a no-brainer to decide to have a double ceremony, though it was uncommon at the time.

Though Diane is older by a year and a half, because Carol and Jim got engaged before Diane and Herman, they preceded them in order during the celebrations: Carol walked down the aisle first, she and Jim exchanged vows first, and they also danced to their first song before the Martins.

Carol and Jim hadn’t settled on a date by the time Herman proposed, so it was a simple decision.

“We talked about it, we said, ‘How about a double wedding? That could be fun,” Carol said. “So we asked the guys and they were all for it.”

Jim and Herman agreed: The wedding benefited friends and family who might have a difficult time making it to separate weddings, due either to time or fiscal constraints, and it was also easier financially for the sisters’ parents.

“It made sense, that way everybody could get there at one time,” Jim said.

But even more than sense, Diane said it also made it more meaningful, because they got to spend time planning together. They lived under the same roof together until the wedding.

“Carol and Mom and I would go around town, and get the dresses, the flowers,” Diane said.

Herman added that the relationships between all of them and their families helped lay a strong foundation for their marriages.

Herman said both families were so supportive of the wedding, making it all the more enjoyable.

Herman joked that the sisters’ parents used to thank him and Jim for getting them out of the house.

“Their mother was very happy they finally moved out,” he said.

Beyond sharing the ceremony together, the four also share funny stories and memories of that day forever, including when the limousine driver accidentally locked his keys in the limo while they were taking pictures at a park.

“Somebody had to run downtown to call the police, so we missed the whole hors d’oeuvres section,” he said.

The couples made up three different sets of invitations: one for Jim’s guests, one for Herman’s and another for the girls’. Herman said it was a way to ensure no one felt obligated to provide gifts to both sets of couples if they didn’t know the other set.

One part of the ceremony that is especially important to the couples was the lighting of the candles.

“What you would do was each person would take their own candle and light the middle candle, then blow out their single candles,” Carol said. “We didn’t like that, because yes, you’re together, but you’re still individuals. So we didn’t blow out our individual candles out.”

Though the wedding was a double ceremony, the honeymoons were separate: The Martins went to Guadalupe while the Osikas went to Martinique.

“We had to draw the line somewhere,” Carol joked.

On their first anniversary, they threw a large party with many of the friends and family who attended the wedding, and indulged in their wedding cake tops - one for each couple.

The couple continued to try and meet up for as many of their anniversaries as they could over the years. On their 25th, they threw another party and broke out the candles from their wedding to re-enact lighting them.

Family has played an important and integral part of their lives: Though both couples moved around a lot due to their careers - Jim works for IBM and Herman in the Air Force - they still found time to get together by visiting family at the same time and spending holidays together.

Then in 2000, Diane and Herman moved to Swansboro. Though Jim and Carol had been living in Raleigh and traveling to a beach house in Emerald Isle for years prior, they made the move to the island full-time in 2002.

Carol and Diane spend a lot of time as twosome in the area, including engaging in volunteer work and social groups.

“Carol and I have ladies groups and volunteer organizations we help,” Diane said.

One informal group they have been part of for 10 years consists of sets of sisters in the area who meet on a monthly basis to socialize and share a meal together, something Diane started when she met a few local sisters through the library.

“We just sit there and talk,” Carol said. “Lots of family talk, what’s going on in their families.”

They also play bunko with a group of ladies in the area.

They are the “juice and cookie ladies” for the local Red Cross chapter when they put on blood drives, according to Carol; they volunteer for the Western Carteret County Public Library and make homemade cards with a local group of women to send to troops overseas who can in return fill out those cards and send them back to their families.

“We’re volunteers at large,” Carol said. “We go where needed.”

Diane said they are known as “sisters about town,” and sometimes people ask her, “Where’s your other half?”

Rather than meaning Herman, they are referring to Carol, adding that sometimes they show up places in similar outfits.

As a foursome, they spend formal and informal time together including holidays, days at the beach, and sharing meals together.

“I would say on average about three times a week we’re out doing something, somewhere,” Jim said.

Both Herman and Jim said they are grateful that their wives have each other so close by.

“I think it’s very healthy that you can have your sister and best friend nearby to do whatever you like,” Jim said. “I encourage that, I think it’s great.”

Herman would describe the sisters as “unscripted” - you never know what they might be up to.

Carol affectionately recalled a time when they danced through a store together just for the fun of it.

“There should have been another candle for the sisters,” Herman said.

The couples said they think it is important for them all to participate in activities together as well as pursue things individually.

“Herman and I do a lot of stuff together but it’s also good to have your individual favorite things you like to do,” Diane said. “Just like the candles, it’s important to do your couple things and then your individual things, too.”

And what do they think are the stepping stones to a happy married life?

“Don’t hold any grudges,” Carol said. “We’ve seen families just fighting and falling apart and we just don’t understand it.”

When you’re with someone as long as they have been, Jim said it’s just part of life that you will get upset every once in a while. However, he said that it’s always good to take a breather if you are upset, so you don’t end up saying something you don’t mean.

“Communication is the key and also humor,” Diane said, adding that kindness is important, too. “People have commented to us, ‘You still say please and thank you to each other.’ It’s a courtesy, it’s an old-fashioned value that needs to come back … please, thank you, and I’m sorry. I believe that if you love each other you are able to say I’m sorry.”

Herman said friendship is also paramount.

“Friendship is also key to a good relationship - being a good friend,” he said.

Perhaps most important of all, Carol said they support one another.

“Just to be there,” Carol said. “We just drop everything to be there.”

And the sisters have experienced that first-hand. Diane has been diagnosed with cancer twice: first in 1997 and the second time in 2003.

Though she is in remission, the cancer treatments paralyzed one of her vocal chords and damaged her heart. She will undergo heart valve replacement surgery this summer.

She said she is so grateful for all the support from Herman and Carol as they traveled to doctors and hospitals with her. She is also grateful to Jim.

“I always thank Jim for sharing Carol,” she said.

To this day, the sisters haven’t heard of someone they know having a double ceremony.

“People are still talking about it 36 years later,” Diane said, because of how fun it was and also because of its rarity.

The four plan to continue marking their anniversaries together, and are even thinking about a 40th anniversary party when that comes along.

For now though, they celebrate by going out to dinner together and flashing servers their wedding photo: two men in matching tuxes and two sisters standing in white together.