"The books we enjoy as children stay with us forever - they have a special impact. Paragraph after paragraph and page after page, the author must deliver his or her best work."

- Sid Fleischman

When you're a kid, the books you read matter. You know, the ones you choose to read because they speak to you somehow. They matter more than you think they do. They can have a lasting effect that you may not fully realize until many, many years later. I recently revisited one of these special books which had lodged itself deep within the imaginative corners of my mind almost 30 years ago, and it was an incredible experience.

​"Mr. Mysterious & Company" by Sid Fleischman changed me as a young person. It started with the captivating illustrations by Eric von Schmidt, with long, lean figures in bent and dramatic poses just beyond human possibility. His drawings seemed to literally pull me into the whimsy of the story without my ever having consciously realized it back then. Those provocative images have stuck with me all this time. Seeing them again for the first time in three decades struck a chord that resonated with the little child that's still alive inside. Today, I'd say that those pictures suggest to me that there are magical possibilities hidden inside the normal rhythms of our everyday lives - if we only know how to look for them.

​"It was a most remarkable sight. Even the hawks and buzzards in the blue Texas sky awoke in mid-air to glance down in wonder."

Mr. Mysterious & Company, also known as the the Hackett family, is a traveling magic show making its way across the country toward California. Mr. Mysterious, or Pa, is the lanky leader of this bandwagon of brave bohemians bound for a new life in the wild west. A few years earlier Pa had been injured while fighting in the Civil War, and so he took on the life of a magician to make ends meet until he could retire and settle on ranch lands in California with his brother. But, as with any good adventure, the family will have to go through challenges and mysteries of their own before they have any chance of settling down.

In all honesty, I thought that re-reading Mr. Mysterious would certainly be interesting and entertaining, but not necessarily that exciting or rewarding. I was so wrong. What I rediscovered from the very first sentence (above) was the rich, descriptive language that Fleischman uses to weave an intriguing story while developing deeply believable characters. He gives such care and concern for each and every word on the page, and I have no doubt that I could sense that as a young person. He also understood the mind of a child, and with Mr. Mysterious I had found an adult who finally "got it."

​Fleischman knew that the words he put down on those pages would make a permanent impression, and he made sure that it would be a positive one. For a sensitive, shy, and deeply intuitive kid like me, this book must have been a sort of oasis in the desert of an increasingly confusing world. Mr. Mysterious peeled back the layers of the games that people play in life and showed me another way to relate to the mystery of being alive itself. He brought out the playfulness and wonder of everyday events while demonstrating that family could be a fun and forgiving place to grow up. "Abracadabra Day" was the one day a year when each member of the Hackett family got to pull a prank with no consequences, and no questions asked. It could be any day at all, and no prior warning was required. Reading back through these hilarious scenarios was startlingly (maybe even embarrassingly) moving. Surprise would turn to anger, which then turned to laughter, which finally turned to love, for each and every one of the family members who pulled their own shenanigan. If every family could have an "Abracadabra Day," it might be a little more magical world for all of us.

​"Finally he took off his old and battered hat. Pa beat the dust out of it and then rolled up his right sleeve. Very slowly he reached his hand deep into Jeb Grimes's hat - and pulled out a live and kicking white rabbit!"

Action, adventure, suspense, and an unpredictable big finish all make "Mr. Mysterious & Company" a book that I'll keep reading for months (and years) to come. In the words of Pa, "By gosh and by golly. It's a bargain. Once a month - magic for everyone."

What's one special book from your childhood that has had a lasting impact on your life?

​Share in the comments!

​This 25 minute interview provides wonderful insight into the life and career of Sid Fleischman, along with additional helpful tips for writers. Enjoy!

Join us for our very first "Mindful Muse Writer's Retreat" on Saturday, August 26th, 2017 ​at St. Francis of the Woods in Coyle, Oklahoma. CLICK or TAP the image below for more info!

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​Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (ACC, CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

Urban Journeys

This is the first in an occasional series of blog posts where I'll undertake a new and exciting pilgrimage journey to a local religious, cultural, or historic landmark in my immediate area. The purpose of these mini-expeditions is to deepen my faith while broadening my horizons of what it means to live an embodied and committed spiritual life. I hope you enjoy the series and feel free to join the discussion in the comments section below.

A Dharma Destination

I first learned about the Dharma Center of Oklahoma when I was in my initial year of recovery from alcoholism. I had been attending AA meetings regularly and was working my way through the 12 steps with a sponsor. Somewhere around step 11 ("Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out"), I discovered a new world in spiritual life. I started regularly going to the library to check out two or three new books and devoured them like a hungry ghost who was starving from a lifelong lack of soul food. I had stumbled across a few intriguing books about Buddhism, and then I found one that would change my life completely. Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield's classic, "A Path With Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life" was like nothing I'd ever heard of or experienced before. Jack's depth of wisdom, kindness, and humor, together with systematic practices for healing and wholeness, picked up where the 12 steps left off and launched me into an entire universe of rich inner life to explore. That book is what my soul had been waiting for.

“The purpose of a spiritual discipline is to give us a way to stop the war, not by our force of will, but organically, through understanding and gradual training.” ​- Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart

A Homecoming

As I worked my way through the depths and delights of the book, I searched online to see if there were any Buddhist temples in Oklahoma, and sure enough there were. I looked into all of them but felt like the Dharma Center was the place for me to start. Their secular approach and blending of eastern and western cultures was really appealing. From the first few times I visited, I knew this was part of my homecoming. For most of my life, I had felt like an outsider and a stranger even to myself. In recovery that began to change, and when my wife and I moved back to Oklahoma City where most of our immediate family lives, the sense of homecoming was even more tangible. I wasn't raised religious, but had attended Christian churches starting in junior high (off and on), and tried for years to find spiritual enlightenment in the bottom of a whisky bottle. In the end, I found my Divine Home in smoky AA meetings and in the teachings of the Buddha, which then showed me how to commit my life to Christ. Who knew? I couldn't have planned it that way if I tried!

Many Paths One Truth

It wasn't long before I became a member of the Dharma Center. It was so encouraging to find a deep spiritual tradition that also embraced a variety of different paths. As the old Chinese proverb goes, "There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same." Or, as the Japanese say in the Lotus Sutra traditions, "Many in body, one in spirit." Other members were Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, New Age, None, and other traditions or combinations. At the same time, the teachings were profound and connected strongly with the Rissho Kosei-kai tradition, which originated in Japan in 1938. It was inspiring to play a part in meaningful rituals, wise and timeless teachings, and practical understanding learned within the context of daily life. I felt that most of this had been missing from my experience with the Christian church up to that point, so it was refreshing to find a truly connected spiritual life which was being lived out in community together.

“There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same."​- Chinese proverb

The bell, mokusho wood block, and taiko drum used in chanting services

The Dharma Center street sign, the Buddha, and Kannon (bodhisattva of compassion)

Gone But Not Forgotten

After being a member of the Dharma Center for a few years, I left to join my wife and kids at a local Christian church where it was more practical for us to attend as a family. It was one of the most rewarding times of my spiritual life, and I've made some friends that will last for at least one lifetime. Last year, I was motivated to revisit the Dharma Center by foot in order to set out on my first urban pilgrimage. And I wanted to take along some compelling questions with me for Kris Ladusau, my friend and the Reverend of the Dharma Center, to answer in her own words. The purpose for my journey and these questions was to help me deepen my faith while broadening my horizons of what it means to live an embodied and committed spiritual life. Here's my interview with Reverend Kris:

Me: How do you personally practice living an embodied or committed spiritual life?

RKL: I try to raise conscious awareness daily to realize that every single interaction I have with other people is a chance for enlightenment.

Me: What is the most important thing that people need to know about the Dharma Center?

RKL: I would like people to know that the Dharma Center is an inclusive, welcoming and comfortable atmosphere for anyone wanting to practice the Buddhist tradition, either by itself, or in conjunction with another spiritual path.

Me: What do you think people are looking for in religion or spirituality today? Why?

RKL:I think most people are either looking to maintain a healthy, relevant, spiritual connection or to reestablish one.

Me: What does "life's a journey, not a destination" mean to you?

RKL: I think that hooks back into the earlier mentioning of the continued development of awareness and appreciation.

Me: If you could change one thing in our world today, what would it be? How?

RKL: For me, it's not about focusing on anything changing (because that will occur naturally in this realm). It's more of a wish for all people to acknowledge interconnectedness, and develop insight and compassion to deal with the changes in a healthy manner.

May you be free from suffering.May you be well in body and mind.​And may you be filled with peace.

What does it mean to you to live an embodied and committed spiritual life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

With so many things competing for our attention everyday, it's no wonder that we are so easily distracted. From cell phone notifications, 24 hours news, and ads designed to make us look and listen, our fast paced lives often have us going in two directions at once. And in a world filled with distractions, it's hard to focus on the only moment that we really have - the present.

​How'd you do? If you did well, congratulations, you tend to be able to focus on relevant information when potential distractions come up. (Oh yeah, and how many times did you start over? 😮) If you didn't do so hot, you're not alone. Millions of people are right there with you. Don't worry too much about the results. The important thing is to know you have the power to reduce distractions, improve focus, lower stress, and add a little more happiness into your life by staying in the present moment more often.

Here are some tools to help you recognize when you're present and in the moment, and some tips to help get you there when you're not.

Mindful Check-InThe mindful check-in is a simple tool you can use to gauge how present you are by asking yourself these 4 reflective questions:

1.) How are you feeling? (label 1-3 emotions: happy, sad, afraid, stressed, angry, etc.)2.) What are you thinking about? (just notice your thoughts)3.) What body sensations are you aware of? (just notice the body)4.) How is your presence? (low, moderate, high) • How aware are you of where you're at right now? • How aware are you of what you're doing right now?​Engagement ScaleThe engagement scale is a tool you can use to give you a sense of how connected you are with the task at hand. Ask yourself the following:

On a scale of 1-10, how emotionally and mentally involved are you in what you’re doing and who you’re with right now?

What are you doing to recognize when you're present and in the moment (and how will you get there when you're not)? Share your answers in the comments below!

Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

Let’s face it, we live in largely pessimistic and cynical times. We’re bombarded from every direction with bad news, hateful talk, and anxiety about the state of our world. This is NOT the whole story, though it may seem like it some days. The world around us may be telling us to look at the bad, but you can choose to look for the good.

Much of living a happier, more fulfilling life depends on your perspective and the choices that you make. That's where attitude comes in. Attitude can be defined as: "a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior." Attitude can also be known as your viewpoint, perspective, stance, temper, or inclination.

In a very real way, attitude is everything. It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you. Each of us encounters hard times, hurt feelings, heartache, and physical and emotional pain. We also have our share of good times, joy and contentment. The key is to realize it’s not WHAT happens to you that matters; it’s HOW you choose to respond.

Attitude may be the one thing you can most affect that most affects everything else. American philosopher and psychologist William James said, “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.” On the other hand, “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.”

Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself to help you look for the good:

• What’s going well for you right now?• What’s right with the world?• What was missing in your life that you have now?• What’s the best thing about your job?• What are your 5 greatest strengths?​Add your own questions and share some goodness in the comments below!

Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

"Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it,​I must listen to my life telling me who I am."- Parker J. Palmer​

What is a pilgrimage?

Essentially a pilgrimage is a journey. A journey that changes you. It would seem that human beings have made pilgrimages as long as they've been able to walk. The Greeks, Israelites, Mayans, Chinese, Christians, Muslims, and a variety of other peoples and religions throughout history have always taken long, often arduous, journeys toward some new understanding about their lives and the world they lived in. The journey itself was just as important as the destination, if not more so. Our ancient ancestors may have something to teach us about ourselves in our own times.

They're looking for different things: from reclaiming a faith long abandoned, to hopes for healing, or clarity around an overwhelming decision. People today, just as much as at any point in history, are looking for something more than the status quo when the status quo can no longer sustain their lives. They're searching for new perspectives, relief from unending busyness, and deeper and more meaningful connections to themselves and their work. They want to encounter a simpler way to be in an increasingly complicated, and an ever more rapidly changing, world. They're hoping to go away on a journey that will bring them back to some greater sense of what it means to be at home in this life.

“Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart.” - Abraham Joshua Heschel

​Tips for taking an everyday pilgrimage

Some people set out on long journeys to far off lands for pilgrimage, but it's possible to treat each day as a sort of pilgrimage right where you are. Even the simplest tasks and most boring of routines hold opportunities for deeper meaning and happiness. And so do the daily struggles and disappointments. Here are a few tips to get you started on an everyday pilgrimage of work and life:

1.) Set an intention for the day.Take a few minutes in the morning to withdraw and reflect on how you want to participate in this day. What's most important for your journey at work? What's been calling for your attention at home? What's something you would like to practice doing today (being grateful, less reactive, more open to change, etc.)? You can pray, meditate, or read something inspirational to help you gain clarity on your highest intention for the day.

​2.) Be open to new perspectives. Sometimes having it all figured out keeps us stuck on the path. Try to let go of old ideas and familiar mental stories about work and home life. Allow new ideas and insights to come to you as you look for things you may have been missing. Challenge yourself to stay open minded and courageous as you face the day willing to learn something new.

​3.) Go out of your way to help others. Sacrifice is part of any pilgrimage, and helping others is one way to live out this part of the daily journey. Notice small opportunities to practice random acts of kindness, from opening a door, saying "hi" as you walk past a stranger, or making the extra effort to really listen to someone else without just waiting for your chance to respond.

4.) Reflect on the journey so far. Take a few minutes towards the middle of the day to check in and see how you're doing up to now. Do you remember your intention? Are you staying open to new perspectives? Have you been helpful to others? Use this step as a milestone to measure how far you've come, and how you plan to continue with the journey ahead.

5.) Be prepared to find what you're looking for. Each day is filled with meaningful encounters and life-changing moments, if you're ready to see them. Expect that the pain, frustration, or sadness that you have been experiencing is leading to a greater purpose. Pain has been cleansing you of what you thought could bring you lasting happiness. Anger has been burning through your misunderstanding. Tears have been clearing the way for new living waters. Always be ready to find what you've been seeking.

6.) Bringing the journey back home. Before bed, reflect on highlights from the day. What did you learn? What went well? What didn't? What's different now? How does this change your life at work and home? Whatever you experience, allow it to change you a little at a time for the journeys to come.

Learn how to turn daily routines, struggles, and disappointments into opportunities for awakening and fulfillment. Discover your sense of purpose and passion! TAP or CLICK the image above the learn more about this rejuvenating, life-changing experience.

Charles Gosset is a Certified Professional Life and Leadership Coach (CPC) and founder of Full Integration Coaching, LLC. He helps big-hearted people with huge drive lead exceptional lives. You can find out more about him and the transformational services he offers by visiting: www.fullintegrationcoaching.com.

What Sets Him Apart:​Christopher is a visionary servant leader with experience beyond his years.

Full Integration Featured Clients

This is the first in a new occasional series of blog posts in which I will be highlighting a coaching client who has agreed to allow me to take a more in-depth look at their unique life story, as well as their coaching journey with me so far. I hope you enjoy the series and I invite you to join the discussion in the comments section below.

Meet Christopher

Have you ever met someone who was so passionate that it inspired you to become a better person just for knowing them? I have, and his name is Christopher Odongo. A warm-hearted and good natured person to the core, Christopher is also relentlessly committed to his faith, to his family, and to his vision of creating a brighter future for the people of Uganda, Africa.

I first learned about Christopher from my sister's description of him following one of three mission trips she took to Uganda a few years ago. The way that she described his passion and ability to inspire others was something I immediately felt from the first time we met by Skype four months ago. Christopher has an infectious optimism that he freely shares with everyone he meets, and you can't help but be moved by his big love and even bigger ideas.

But it wasn't always this way. Christopher had the kind of childhood that most of us couldn't imagine in our worst nightmares. The violence of Uganda's 20 year war was raging through the country during Christopher's early years, and it found its way into his village. When he was just 6 years old, Christopher's father was brutally killed in front of his eyes as he and his mother looked on in horror. Together they managed to flee their village shortly after, as their homes were burned to the ground behind them. They were chased to another village, only to have the same thing happen again. Finally, they managed to escape to the bush, eating what they could find until they could travel safely again. Christopher and his mother settled in the city of Lira, Uganda where Chris was later forced to live on the street and was beaten regularly by locals due to his unpopular decision to become a Christian.

Christopher has gone on to not only survive unimaginable hardships, but he has seized numerous opportunities over the years to receive extensive leadership training and is currently enrolled in graduate school to earn a Masters of Divinity degree. He has served several NGO's at the local, community, and national levels and is also providing training for over 1,400 leaders weekly in remote villages of northern Uganda. And, as you can see from the picture below, he loves his precious family with all his heart. Not pictured are the four children of his relatives and friends that they care for full time as well.

Christopher, wife Joy, and their three children (from left to right) Nathan, Zoe, and Rosalind

A New Dream

Within minutes of our first Skype coaching session, I knew that Christopher was an exceptional person. He inspired me, challenged me, and gave me a completely different view of the world from a very personal level. He was highly motivated and I could tell he had that something special. And, he revealed to me his remarkable new dream for his people.

"People in my country have forgotten how to smile. But now I have found my smile again, and I want to give my people a reason to smile again too."

​After I posted Mission 2016: 10 Steps for Goal Setting Success,Christopher told me how much it had meant to him in understanding the ways he had been holding himself back. He described how a majority of Ugandans have so many fears and so much trauma that they end up living in the past, instead of looking to the future. They don't set new goals because they have simply given up hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for a happy life. Hope for a peaceful nation. Hope for clean drinking water. It often seems easier to just give up hope altogether rather than to have their hopes crushed again. And when there's no reason to hope, then there's no reason to smile. But Christopher was now seeing through this hopeless mindset because he had experienced hopelessness firsthand, and yet he had found a way to smile again. Why shouldn't his people? He shared with me, "People in my country have forgotten how to smile. But now I have found my smile again, and I want to give my people a reason to smile again too." This was a massive breakthrough and new living waters were about to flow.

Christopher had begun to ask himself an enormous question in between our sessions: "How can I begin to think for my people?" That one question sent shivers down my spine when I heard him say it, and it's happening again now. I have never met a person who has asked a question that big and with such power, love and humility. That question deserves attention and it commands respect from the type of leader who utters it. What else is there to do when you come face to face with such pure intention, beauty, and penetrating vision? People like Christopher change the world. I've read about them. Haven't you?

Christopher teaching leaders in a local village in northern Uganda.

Shelter of Smiles

Chris has a vision that is both large in scale and specific in scope. He calls it Shelter of Smiles. Essentially he wants to create small community shelters, starting in northern Uganda, where a variety of essential services are provided to those in need. As a result of attending to the basic needs of the people, the hope is to genuinely give his people something to smile about again. Shelter of Smiles aims to help provide: education for orphans and vulnerable youth, housing for homeless orphans, psychological and behavioral support, access to clean drinking water, fair housing for vulnerable widows and elders, nutritional food for malnourished children, livelihoods programs, and programs which aim to reduce the rate of domestic and gender based violence.

The first project on the list for Shelter of Smiles is a clean water program in Christopher's village of Barapwo Te Dam. Clean, safe drinking water is not always available there now and there is no pump of any kind. The water is collected from a local spring when supply is good, and it's collected from other less sanitary sources when the supply is low. The nearest source of safe drinking water for the village is nearly half a mile away, and villagers from surrounding areas may walk several miles to reach this same source. The pictures below are of the current water source for his village.

Click to enlarge.

Click to enlarge.

Next steps

Since day one, Christopher has made unbelievable progress with his vision and his goals. He suffers semi-regular bouts of malaria, works tirelessly, travels by motorcycle on dangerous dirt roads, and occasionally runs by foot to meet for our sessions. Chris has successfully assembled a formal steering committee for Shelter of Smiles, is communicating with local governmental leaders about the water project, and is developing an organizational leadership structure to be in place once Shelter of Smiles is officially registered as an NGO.

The needs in Uganda are tremendous, from lack of safe drinking water, to malnutrition, crippling economic inflation, and an epidemic number of orphaned children due to years of civil war and political unrest. In the midst of all of this, Christopher always strives to look for the opportunities in even the greatest challenges. He is a respected community builder and leader in his village, is highly active in his church, and is a loving and supportive father and husband. Oh, and he also provides rides to the hospital for sick villagers on his motorcycle - it takes two people to hold the sick person on. If anyone can do it, it's Christopher Odongo.

The focus: The overwhelming majority of people who make New Year's resolutions fail to meet their goals.

The opportunity: Poor goal setting strategies are often to blame.

The solution: Use these 10 steps for goal setting success and make 2016 the best year yet!

If you've ever made a New Year's resolution and not stuck with it, don't worry - you're far from alone. Research shows that approximately 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions, and of these a staggeringly high 75% fail to accomplish their goals. Whether you've made resolutions, or if you simply have personal and professional goals that you want to achieve, effective goal setting is at the very center of your chances for success.

Why New Year's resolutions don't work

There are a number of reasons why we don't reach the finish line with our resolutions or important goals, but here are the 6 that top the list in my experience.​1.) No clear planYou may have heard the quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin that goes, "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Similarly, the French author Antoine de Saint Exupéry is credited with saying, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Nothing rings truer when it comes to setting and keeping your goals. No matter how determined, motivated, and heartfelt you are, if you don't have a plan then you won't have success.

2.) "Should do's" versus "Want to's"​There's a big difference between doing something that you think you "should do" versus doing something because you genuinely "want to." Most often, when you believe you "should" do something, you're not really that into it for one reason or another. For example if you say, "I 'should' lose 10 pounds," you could mean that you don't actually want to do it, but that you might look more like the airbrushed picture on the cover of the magazine if you did. On the other hand if you say, "I 'want' to lose 10 pounds," you could be saying that you would like to lose the extra weight so that you can feel healthier, have more energy, and fit into those pants you love.

3.) UnrealisticSo many of the goals we set for ourselves are unrealistic and therefore unachievable from the start. You might have a goal for yourself that is so complicated that you'd need Albert Einstein to come back from the dead and invent a new equation to solve it. As he famously said, "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." Or, if it's not too complicated, you may be making yourself wait too long to experience small victories along the way to a larger one. This can be frustrating and can sap your motivation to stay the course. You may also be forgetting to prioritize your goals effectively, which can leave you spinning and chasing something just outside of your grasp. Last, but not least, you might feel like you either want it all right now or not at all. This is possibly the most challenging culprit in setting unrealistic goals and takes a complete change in mindset to overcome.

If you don't have a plan then you won't have success.

​4.) The inner criticThe inner critic is that small voice inside that tells you that you can't do it, you're not good enough, and that you shouldn't even try because you might fail. It's the inner judge, jury, and executioner of your biggest goals and most important dreams. As I wrote in a previous post, your inner critic is looking for what's wrong, what's missing, what's impossible. Instead of listening to this unwelcome intruder, learn to tap into your inner champion which is the voice inside of you that knows better. If you only listen to your inner critic, it will continue to dominate your thought life, keeping you from ever fully accomplishing your goals.

5.) No passion or purposeSetting goals is more than just the mechanical work of thinking them up, writing them down, and working them out. They should also be relevant to who you are and to what moves your soul. One inspiring quote from an unknown author says, "Purpose is the reason for your journey. Passion is the fire that lights the way." I love this! Think of purpose as your big "Why?" and passion and your big "Wow!" When you lack a sense of purpose or passion, staying motivated is often an uphill battle. But, when you can stay connected with your sense of purpose and passion in relation to your goals, then you can keep the fire going to the end without burning out or extinguishing the flame.

6.) Quitting before the miracle happensI've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. We give up too soon because we can't see the end of the road and we think it will never come. One reason for this is not acknowledging your progress along the way. When you don't give yourself credit for your small accomplishments, it's just like they never even happened as far as your mind is concerned. What you pay attention to grows, and what you ignore fades and dies. Be sure to recognize your progress as you go and you'll last longer. Another reason we quit too soon is that we might think it only takes about 21 days to form a new habit based on information from a couple of decades ago. This is no longer true. The newest research shows that it actually takes us more like 66 days, which is just about 2 months. Give yourself more time to reach your goals and you increase your chances of attaining them. And likely the biggest reason we give up early is that we have little or no accountability to another person. Get an accountability partner that you can trust to keep you honest, encouraged, and on target and you are saying YES to success.

Purpose is the reason for your journey. Passion is the fire that lights the way.

Image Credit: mamakanaynay on deviantart

​10 steps for goal setting success

Now that you know why resolutions don't work, use these 10 steps to help you achieve your goals and make this the best year yet!

1.) Forget resolutions! Set goals instead.Give up on those tired old ways of making changes in your life and start over with an all new approach to goal setting success.

2.) Do it because you want to.Throw out the "should do's" and let in the "want to's." Make the goals you set for yourself something that you want to do - at least mostly. The more you honestly want to make a change, the more motivated you will be in seeing it all the way through.

3.) Practice being grateful for the good stuff you already have.Instead of focussing on what's missing from your life, focus on what you already have to be grateful for. Good health, good friends, enough food to eat, water to drink, clothes to wear, the kindness of a stranger, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of your lover, the wonder in your children's eyes, and the list goes on and on. Start small and build from there. Take opportunities for noticing what is good and right in the world. It goes a long way toward helping you feel more satisfied with your life as it is now, while you pursue your goals and dreams into an even better future.

4.) Connect with your values and sense of purpose and passion.​Remember that your goals should move you on a deeper level than just your brain. Take your heart with you and you'll be able to go the distance. Tap into your most important personal guiding principles, deepest reasons for why you have your goals, and the inspiring feelings that keep your fire burning to pursue them. Then there's no holding you back! If you're unsure about what your real goals are, start here and then develop goals that really move you.

5.) Clearly define a specific outcome you want to achieve for each of your goals.Be as crystal clear as you possibly can about the results you want to see from your goals. Don't settle for any wishy-washy outcomes. Dig in and state your expectations in a way that leaves no room for doubt.

6.) Ensure that your goals are realistic but also require you to stretch.No need to be an Einstein here. Simplify the scope and scale of your goals, and then simplify again if necessary. Make sure that your goals feel doable, but that they also make you wonder just a bit if you can really do it. That's the sweet spot. If you have absolutely no doubts, it could mean that your confidence is soaring or that your goal is not quite enough to challenge you. Only you can know that for sure. Either way, keep stretching but stay flexible. Allow yourself time to complete your goal and adjust the timeline as needed. And remember to acknowledge your progress all along the way!

7.) Make a clear commitment to yourself and share with an accountability partner.You've come this far. It's time to take responsibility for your goals by fully committing to the process, and by sharing your commitment with someone you can count on to help you stay the course. The goals you set should be easy to understand and progress should be measurable in some form or another. When you're choosing someone to help hold you accountable, pick a person that works for your personality and preferences. If you need someone to chew you out when you slack off, go for it. That's not my style, so I make sure to choose someone who is honest, insightful, supportive and caring, but that also will not let me off the hook! As coach, this is the way I prefer to help hold my clients accountable to their goals and dreams.

8.) Prioritize it. Schedule it. Do it. Repeat.Change is hard no matter how motivated you are. You have to make your goals a high priority, and that may mean letting go of other important things in your life for a while. This can be tough for sure, but remember how great it will feel when you can look back and say, "I did it!" In order to get on track, and stay there, you have to schedule tasks associated with your goals. There's no way around it, so don't even try. Suck it up and do the work of blocking out and protecting the time you need to work on your goals. Then do it. No matter what. No excuses. Just do it. And repeat. Although getting used to a new routine takes a little while, it doesn't take nearly as long as giving up now and having to start over again.

​9.) Regularly acknowledge your successful progress and share it with others.This is something a lot of us struggle to do, but it's so important to your success. Don't cheat yourself out of all of the time and energy you've put into your goals. When you make progress, take note of it and tell your accountability partner. If they are excited and happy for you, then you picked a good partner. If not, then pick someone else. You deserve to acknowledge the changes you're making, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also share your progress with close friends, select co-workers, and a few family members. Above all, allow yourself to experience the feelings of pride and accomplishment for all of your hard work!

10.) Celebrate each and every goal that you achieve. Include friends or family.When you do achieve your goals (and you WILL), make an event out of it. Have a party at home, a big night out, or take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go. Invite friends and family and turn it into something you'll always remember. This helps to bring a sense of closure to your goal and enables you to consciously realize that you made it. Celebrating will also encourage you to continue with this goal into the future if it's a long term change, and will boost your sense of confidence about pursuing your next goal. This is the sweet taste of success. Now celebrate it!

If you would like help in achieving your goals, please CONTACT me to schedule a free 30 minute session to see if coaching with me could be right for you.

​"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the things that you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

The solution: Use these 6 steps to challenge your beliefs and create new ones that support your success.

You are what you believe

To a large extent, you are what you believe. That's because your beliefs play a central role in the choices that you make on a daily basis. And the choices that you make each day become your habits over time, which then become your character and finally your destiny. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu put it:

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.Watch your words, they become actions.Watch your actions, they become habits.Watch your habits, they become character.Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Lao Tzu

Beliefs are really just thoughts - thoughts that you accepted as being true, correct, or right at some point in the past. Once you accept an idea as being true, then you develop a belief. Over time, your beliefs often bury themselves in your subconscious mind where they quietly guide your worldview and actions for years to come. This is tremendously beneficial for you when your beliefs are supporting you and serving you well. But, this can also be painfully destructive and confusing for you when your beliefs only serve to hold you back in ways that you're not consciously aware of today.

Do you believe that?

We all inherit and adopt a variety of beliefs that make up our unique worldview. Sometimes these beliefs come from outside of you and are handed down from parents, family, partners, friends, co-workers, and others. Other times, you develop your own beliefs through your particular life experiences and the inner world you create as a result. A belief is neither good nor bad in and of itself; it depends on the results that the belief produces in your life. If a belief is supportive and beneficial, it will lead to successful living. If it is limiting and destructive, it will lead to roadblocks, frustration, and a sense that you are not living up to your full potential.

Limiting Beliefs

A limiting belief is an idea that you accept as being true about life, yourself, your world, or the people in it, that limits you in some important way.

Here are some examples of common limiting beliefs:

If I show my emotions, everyone will think that I'm weak.

The only way to get ahead is to fight my way to the top.

I can't trust others to do what they say they will do.

If I ever become successful I will lose it all quickly.

This world is never fair to good people.

There are not enough resources for everyone so I need to get all I can.

I don't deserve to be happier than I am now.

If a belief is supportive and beneficial, it will lead to successful living.

​You might be able to see how the beliefs above can put limits on what you think is possible for you in life. For example, if you truly believe that whenever you show your emotions others will think that you're weak, then you will deny or bury your feelings until they finally overwhelm you. If you can't trust others to do what they say they will do, then you're constantly suspicious of others or taking care of their responsibilities for them. If you don't believe that you deserve to be happier that you are now, then you may be settling when you could be soaring.

6 Tips for Building Better Beliefs

It can be a daunting task to change some of your long held beliefs. But, there are steps you can start taking right now that will help you effectively challenge old limiting beliefs and replace them with all new supportive, empowering ones!

1.) Discover your own limiting beliefs.The first step in overcoming your limiting beliefs is to identify the ones that you have now. Use the examples above as a guide to get you started. Try to list 3-5 beliefs that you accept about yourself, life in general, or other people that limit you in some important way. Define how they limit you specifically.

2.) Trace your beliefs to the source.Next, find out where you got each of your beliefs from. Did you think this belief up yourself? Did you inherit it from a parent, family member, partner, friend, co-worker, etc.? How did you come to believe this? If you're not sure, keep these questions in mind as you move on.

3.) Ask yourself if the belief is true.Now it's time to find out if what you believe is actually true. Is it true, correct, or right for you? Is it supportive and beneficial to you (and others)? Does it lead to successful living? How? In what ways does this belief help you when you need to make an important choice?

4.) Stop taking it personally.Try letting go of the ways you have identified with your beliefs so that you can gain more perspective on them. For example, instead of saying, "I believe (something)..." try saying, "I notice that I believe (something)...." When you can notice a belief from this more objective point of view, then you will not take it so personally and it will not have the same power to define who you choose to become.

5.) Decide whether it's worth it.Once you've had some time to define your limiting beliefs and to see the specific ways they negatively affect your life, then you need to decide if they are worth keeping anymore. How does the belief really affect you? What would be different if you believed something else? What would it take for you to choose a new, more supportive and empowering belief?

6.) Replace, review, and repeat.When you've decided that you have a limiting belief that you're ready to get rid of, it's time to create some new beliefs that will support your success in life. To do this, list 3-5 new beliefs that could replace the old limiting belief. Ask yourself: Is it supportive? Is it empowering? Will it work for me? When will I use it? How will I use it?

When you've created your new beliefs, try them out in your daily life and pay attention to how and when you use them. Ask yourself: What were the results? What did I like? What would I change next time? Would I use this belief again in this way? Finally, repeat the process over a period of time to see how your new beliefs are serving you. Celebrate your victories and enjoy a more successful, fulfilling life!

If you would like help in overcoming your limiting beliefs, please CONTACT me to schedule a free 30 minute session to see if coaching with me could be right for you.

The focus: For many of us, self-care is something that ends up on the back burner, if we leave room for it at all.

The opportunity: Effective self-care is essential to reducing daily stress and to living a better, healthier life.

The solution: Use this simple 6-step plan to make self-care work for you, once and for all.

In our busyness and the demands of daily life, we may think that self-care is a luxury we just don't have time for. The truth is, we're all under epidemic levels of stress and self-care is one of the most effective, empowering, and sane ways you can reduce stress, improve your health, and be more fulfilled in all areas of your life.

So, why don't we DO it? There may be as many reasons as there are people on the planet, but there are a few reasons that generally apply to a majority of us. And there's something you can do about those. Before we dive in though, let's start with a definition.

Self-Care Defined

I've found literally dozens of definitions of self-care while researching for this topic, and I'm going to use two of them that I find particularly useful. The first one is short and sweet:

Self-care is taking responsibility for your own health and well-being in all areas of your life.

Pretty simple right? Simple yes, easy no! First off, this says that it's up to you - and nobody else - to take care of yourself. No one can do it for you. You're the only one who can ultimately take responsibility for your own health and well-being. Second, this definition says that you need to do this in every area of your life. Though this is all absolutely true, it can seem like a pretty tall order when stated like this. Let's look at another definition that I feel is more specific and supportive. Try this:

Self-care is an active and powerful choice to engage in the activities that are required to gain or maintain an optimal level of overall health, including the physical, ​mental, emotional, spiritual, and social
domains of life.

Notice some differences? I like how this definition starts off with the words "self-care is an active and powerful choice." You may already be feeling better about your willingness to at least THINK about committing to taking charge of your own health and well-being. The reason why is that when presented as a powerful choice you can actively make, self-care can seem less daunting, more doable, and even (at least a little) inspirational. If you currently have a negative view of self-care, reframing your view in this way can give you the extra oomph you need to move towards a positive choice to commit.

And the choice you're committing to is "to engage in the activities that are required to gain or maintain an optimal level of overall health." When you engage in something, you are typically all in. You are consciously connected with the choice you are making at both an intellectual and emotional level. Head and heart come together, which is absolutely necessary in order to stay motivated for any length of time. Deep down, you likely already know that activities related to good self-care are "required," but here again you're given another choice: "to gain or maintain an optimal level of overall health."

​To me, this definition isn't saying that you have to improve or else! Instead, it says that you can either gain OR maintain an optimal level of health. The goal is optimal health in all areas of life, not a never-ending quest for the perfect body, relationship, spirituality, etc. What optimal health means to you can be a matter of interpretation. You're not after perfection. The quest for perfection is a path to self-criticism and disappointment. Instead, as they say in 12-step meetings, strive for progress, not perfection.

What optimal health means to you can be a matter of interpretation. You're not after perfection. The quest for perfection is a path to self-criticism and disappointment.

4 Reasons We Don't Do It

TOO BUSY or TIRED

In our society, busy is the norm. The expectation is that if you're not busy, then you're not measuring up. If you're not regularly tired and stressed from being busy, then you're not doing your part to be productive. In essence, if you're not busy, you're not normal. You may have had "busy battles" with friends and family to prove to each other just how busy you are. We tend to wear our busyness like badges of honor, and whoever has the most busyness wins. Even more challenging is when we tie the social expectation to stay busy with our own sense of self-worth. The trap here is that you're never busy enough to feel good about yourself for long because there is always something else that needs to be done. Self-care is difficult to even consider if you strongly believe that staying busy is more important than your overall health and well-being.

TOO SELFISH

You might think that it's just plain selfish to take time for yourself. Care givers are especially vulnerable to this pitfall. With so many other people to take care of, isn't it a waste of time to indulge in self-care? No, of course not! Like the old quote goes, "Just like on a plane, you need to put on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others." When you are not at your personal best physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially, you can not give your best to others. Chronic stress, compassion fatigue, and burnout are common for helpers who can not effectively prioritize self-care.

Just like on a plane, you need to put on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others.

TOO SOFT

To some, self-care can seem like a sign of weakness instead of the strength that it is. Not taking care of yourself over the long run means that others will do it FOR you instead, and sooner rather than later - in the form of doctors, hospitals, family members, and the list goes on and on.... If you value your strength and independence, take care of yourself starting now. And if your understanding of self-care is all rainbows and lollipops, you've got the wrong idea. Remember, self-care is all about optimal health, and that's anything but soft.

TOO SOON

Others believe that it will never happen to them. The heart attack, the stroke, the injury, the spiritual crisis, the nervous breakdown, etc. We've all heard stories of those who never thought it would happen to them either. Don't fool yourself by thinking it's too soon to worry about self-care. This is the perfect time to get started. Why leave your health and well-being to chance when you could do something about it right now?

Ok, no more excuses. Let's do this.

Create Your Own 6-Step Self-Care Plan

Here are 6 simple steps to help make self-care work for you, once and for all.1.) First, make a commitment to take responsibility for your own self-care. No one can do this for you. You are worth it!
My commitment is to:_________________________________________________________________________________.

2.) Next, take action. Prioritize the top 1-3 domains of your life (listed in the chart below) you want to focus on first. (Ex. physical, social, emotional)

My top 1-3 domains of life are:_______________________________________________________________________.

3.) Get specific. Exactly how do you want to improve your self-care in each area? List 1-3 things you will do in each domain.

I have told somebody about my important self-care goals. __YES __NO ("Yes" is required.)

6.) Do it. Follow your plan and treat yourself to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Get an accountability buddy and stick to it. Celebrate your successes, and be honest about your setbacks. You can do it!

I am following my plan and have an accountability buddy. __YES __ NO (Say "yes"to your life!)

The Domains of Life

Simple definitions of each of the domains of life.

PHYSICAL: anything having to do with the body, including physical exercise and nutrition.

MENTAL: anything having to do with the mind.

EMOTIONAL: anything having to do with the feelings and emotions.

SPIRITUAL: anything having to do with something greater than ourselves alone.

SOCIAL: anything having to do with the people we are connected to, including friends, family, and co-workers.

For more great tips and insights, listen to my Blog Talk Radio interview with host Sharissa Sebastian.

Right now, I'm offering a special program designed specifically for people who want to avoid burnout and take their success to the next level.TAP or CLICK the image above to learn how you can beat the burnout and be successful in all areas of your life.

The focus: Your inner critic is that little voice in your head that says that you're not good enough, you can't do it, and you should just stop trying.

The opportunity: Though it often seems like the loudest voice in your head, the inner critic can be silenced at last and understood as something less than your best and truest self.The solution: Use these 4 tips to put this annoying little "helper" in place and become a more confident and capable you.

Tip 1.) Stop the War

Let's face it. Most of us treat ourselves worse than we would treat our enemies. But why, and more importantly, what can we do about it?A famous conversation between a group of western spiritual teachers and the Dalai Lama a few years ago revealed that not every culture in the world shares this problem. As the western teachers were talking about the concept of "self-loathing," the Dalai Lama became confused and had to ask his interpreters repeatedly for clarification. He couldn't understand what this "self-loathing" was, and why we would have such a destructive view of ourselves. When he finally got clear, his response was a deep sense of sorrow and compassion for people that could be so separated from themselves in these negative and isolating ways. That should be our response too. We have to stop the war inside ourselves if we want to live a better and more fulfilling life.

Flavor Flav

Tip 2.) Don't believe the hype

The inner critic is a complicated beast, but it's essentially that voice in your head that says things like:

"You're not good enough.""Who do you think you are anyway?""You deserve to be unhappy.""No one understands me.""I am not ever going to get better.""Same sh%t, different day."

We have to stop the war inside ourselves if we want to live a better and more fulfilling life.

If you're feeling down in the dumps after reading these statements, you're not alone (I'm right there with you at some level). It could be that these words simply resonate with the messages of your own inner critic. If that's the case, then welcome to the club! There are millions of people just like you, though your inner critic would love for you to believe otherwise. The good news is that your inner critic is really just old news, hype about who and what you are that comes from the past. Sometimes we inherit these messages from our parents, friends, co-workers, or we invent them ourselves. Wherever they come from, it's time to put the hype aside and turn the tables toward a better and more honest version of who and what you really are.

Tip 3.) Unleash your inner champion

Believe it or not, your inner critic is actually trying to help you, sort of. It's attempting to keep you safe, secure, and protected from possible threats of all kinds. Embarrassment, social sabotage, psychological damage, and even physical threats are all on its radar. But, things get toxic when these good intentions become judgmental and overinflated. We live in a highly critical society, and we judge each other harshly for mistakes and minor failures that are inevitable to being human. It happens everyday to good people we know and love (and everyone else too). Because we know this, we feel afraid of being judged or criticized ourselves, so we build a fortress of thoughts to fight these fears, hoping that we might stay safe and secure, hidden away from any possible threat to our true sense of self. Living this way is living small, and you deserve better - we all do.

The good news is that your inner critic is really just old news, hype about who and what you are that comes from the past.

After you stop the inner war and let go of the hype, then you're ready to tap into your inner champion. This is the you that you know you are, the one you left behind, the one you forgot about, the one you underestimated until now. Pick up your dreams, reconnect with what matters most to you, and play by a new set of rules. Challenge your old ideas about what is possible for you and take risks. Become unstoppable by listening only to the voice inside that wants you to succeed, to be happy, to be more of who you really are. And don't look back, except to help the next person behind you to do the same thing.

Tip 4.) Look for the Good

Your inner critic is looking for what's wrong, what's missing, what's impossible. Turn your world upside down and look for what's right, what's here now, what's possible in everyone and everything. Look for the good in yourself and others from the moment you get up in the morning to the moment your head hits the pillow. Don't settle for anything less. And if you can't do that, remember you're not alone. Avoid judging yourself when you fall short, because we all do sometimes. The important thing is to keep moving forward and never give up on who you are. You are worth it, but don't take my word for it. Just ask the person who's been worth waiting for all this time. You.

If you would like help in overcoming your own inner critic, CONTACT me to schedule a free 30 minute coaching session to see if coaching with me could be right for you.