1/08/2016

Campaign Ads That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Shoot Up Fentanyl:
Cruz's Creative Craps

Ted Cruz's current role in the election is to be the secretly-deranged Eddie Haskell to Donald Trump's full-bore psychopathic Dennis the Menace (while Rubio and Christie do their Gilligan and Skipper routine - where the boomers and Gen Xers at?). By sounding like a reasonable human being while saying the most inhuman things, Cruz has skated for a while as Trump drew fire by saying pretty much the exact same thing as Cruz, except translated into his native motherfucker.

Check out Cruz telling 30 year-old Ofelia Valdez, who was brought to the United States as an undocumented child and allowed to stay under President Obama's Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, that in a Cruz presidency, her status would be revoked and she would be deported. He does it without a thought that an actual person is before him, as if he's scolding a dog for shitting the floor. Of course, the gathered assholes applaud Cruz. By the way, Valdez works as a human resources director at a non-profit for special needs children, which makes her exactly a million times more valuable to this country than Ted Cruz.

For the purist expression of Cruz's particularly cruel and dumb dickishness, watch a recent, real ad titled "Invasion." It's remarkable because someone actually gave a shit about the quality of the filming:

So the point of the thing is to show well-dressed people crossing the border while Cruz's voice tells us that if lawyers and bankers were coming into this country without papers and "driving down wages" in those areas, the media would be clamoring for the borders to be closed. Now, the Rude Pundit's no immigration expert, but he's pretty sure that a whole lot of bankers and lawyers and all kinds of professionals are here past their initial various visas to come to the United States. That group of people, professionals, workers, students, and others with expired visas, makes up about 40% of the undocumented population. And wages for bankers are just fine.

So while Cruz thinks he's making a mighty point about how punk-ass liberals in the media would only care about border security if it affected them and their apparently rich friends, the ad, with its ominous, thumping music and its token moment of showing Cruz next to a nervous-looking Marco Rubio, ignores the pertinent fact that one reason that the left wants immigration reform is to raise wages for everyone and to end the exploitation of the undocumented (and this is not to mention the extraordinary decline of border crossers in the last few years). Cruz doesn't give a sad raccoon shit about the wages of regular workers, American or people here legally or not.

That one's hilarious in its hyperbole. It's a perfect ad because it says nothing other than that Cruz wants a wall, more border agents, and crocodiles with AR-15s in a moat or some such shit. For pure, undiluted Ted Cruz shot directly into your eyeballs and ears with a long needle, see how long you can make it through this 30-second ad:

That's Cruz talking about...who the fuck cares? It's wrong and/or meaningless. Look at that cock-nosed son of a bitch. Listen to his voice, like a neighbor named Gladys who yells across the yard at Ozzie and Harriet. You want that fucker piercing your skull with that voice for four years? You want to look at that needy piece of shit, begging for your approval, like a teenage boy trying to get the girl he just prematurely ejaculated all over to tell him he's a great lay?

That Cruz can actually have a shot at the nomination says more about the absence of anyone of merit on the right who can get back the crazies in the base than even the existence of Trump.