Biro On A Wire (John Badham.1990. US) Mel Gibson. Goldie Hawn. David Carradirie.107 mins. We seem to be in a particularly dumb period 01 rnainstrearnAmericanfilm-making righinow. a pointaccidentally underscored bydohnBadham in ludicrouslymis-descrioing Bird OnA Wire as the kind of thing which Ernst LubitschanitleHdermightnowbe making. based entirety on the suppositionthatsome otthedialogue between hictwo stars is sharp and funny. Except it. isn‘t. and that isjust the beginning otthe problem. ltsomeonewantedtn holdaseminar on whathasgnne disastrously wrong with Hollywood tiims. then Bird On A Wire would surely be a prime candidate tor dissection. It is tormula film-making at its most bloated and least inventive. hammering along at a ztliion miles an hour, with lots 01 shooting and car chases. a mid-air duel between a crop-spraying airplane (get the Hitchcock reference?). and a ludicroustinale inazoowhichwhile shameiesswripping ottlndiana Jones. simuitaneouslyplummetsintoa morass ofdumbacnon cliches.

There is a plototsorts. RickJarmin (Gibson) is on the run from a couple at crooked. drug-smuggling cops he turned in years before. By chance. he meets up with Marianne Graves (Hawn). an old college tlame now turned successtul lawyer. just as the baddies track him down to a garage in Detroit, rumbling his latest identity under the Witness Protection Scheme.

From there on it is a chase movie, punctuated by less-than-enthralling love interest (Hawn‘s current boytriend is balding and boring. so what price her refusing M917). bristling with sexist non—jokes and ideas ripped ottright and letttrom othermovies(count em). it passes a coupie of hours it the alternative is having yourtoenails pulled out: otherwise, forget it. The really sad thing isthatitwill probably do quite brisk box office on the back of the star names involved. (Kenny Mathieson)