Wednesday, July 18, 2012

In response to recent events, economists and other contrarians have increased their calls for putting bankers behind bars; as satisfying this may sound however, some consideration should be given to identifying and holding accountable those who actually caused our current financial crisis. Let’s just be sure we’re locking up the right culprits.

Forget the sixteen trillion in emergency Fed lending, four and a half trillion in bailouts, two trillion and counting in quantitative easing, and a couple trillion more in loans and guarantees, it’s the money earned by hard working citizens and handed over to freeloaders who are too lazy to help themselves that really adds up.

Never mind the predatory lending practices and the innumerable counts of perjury committed by presenting robosigned affidavits and other defective documents in foreclosure court proceedings, the real criminals are all those parasitic public sector employees who expect the rest of us to pay for their pensions.

Disregard the million dollar bonuses, the money laundered for drug cartels, and the shorting of funds sold to clients that were designed to fail. The real injustice is that the guy who talked a convenience store clerk into letting him pay for a six pack and a scratch off with food stamps isn’t in jail.

Ignore the evidence that for years banks have systematically coerced agencies into rating subprime mortgage backed securities as investment grade instruments, colluded to rig auctions in municipal bond markets, and skimmed profits from derivative contracts by manipulating the largest interest rate base used in worldwide commerce.

Perp-walks and prison sentences seem a bit harsh when one considers bankers have already had to endure the inconvenience of the occasional inquiry, suffered settlements that don’t require them to admit they did anything wrong, and had fines forced upon them that probably caused them to collect all the spare change from under their sofa cushions.

Monday, July 9, 2012

A confidential memo
prepared by his staff outlining various strategies cautioned that the candidate
could not wage a winning campaign on ideas and issues without either alienating
a constituency he had previously pandered to or reminding his supporters that
he was once again contradicting himself.

Among the examples
noted were promising that as the president he would repeal the same health care
program he had enacted as governor, claiming credit for the auto industry
bailout he had originally opposed, and attempting to reconcile his ability to
create jobs with his record at Bain Capital.

The memo also recognized
his aloof empty suit dancing horse dog on the roof ten thousand dollar betting
Cayman island tax sheltering country should be run like a business bragging super
rich one percenter oblivious to the concerns of commoners cardboard cutout late
night monologue fodder image problem.

The only viable
option is to constantly remind voters that it doesn’t matter who he is or
isn’t, or what he does or doesn’t stand for, or what he might or might not do
as president, but what he is most definitely and most consistently not. All
people need to know, the memo concluded, is Mitt Romney is not Barack Obama.

Included were mockups
of smiling Romney image “I’m not Obama!" lawn signs, samples of simple "Romney...he's
not Obama!" bumper stickers, and TV ad storyboards featuring the usual patriotic
images and the tagline “I’m Mitt Romney, I approved this message, and I’m not
Barack Obama.”