Crash Test Dummies For Flirting

Car companies use crash test dummies when they want to figure out how to make their vehicles safer.

Comedians do it too. They always test their new material in crappy bars first. They see what bombs, they take what works, they polish it, and test it again and again and again until it’s top class, until it’s ready. What comes out at Spanky’s Pub isn’t going into the same set as Madison Square Garden.

Here’s what’s weird. Despite the fact that comedians have their scripts memorized, they NEVER sound rehearsed.

On the contrary, they sound perfectly natural.

What’s more, they know their routine SO WELL, that nothing throws them off. If an idiot heckles them, they can drive him to the ground without missing a beat.

You can bet by the time Louis CK hit the big stage with his stand-up piece on dating, he’d been cleaning it up on the shit circuit a long, long time.

If the pros are doing it, you should be too.

Using “crash test dummies” is a great way to crash and burn where it doesn’t matter.

And if it works for car companies, stand-up comedians and a whole lot of other industries, you can bet it’s gonna work for your dating strategy too.

Here’s the thing: whenever you’re trying something out for the first time, it’s virtually guaranteed you’re gonna suck…

It happens for a number of reasons:

1. You’re inexperienced

2. You haven’t built the skill set

3. You don’t know the process well enough

4. And most importantly, you don’t know how to react when stuff blows up in your face (improvisation).

The only way you’re going to overcome those obstacles is by testing out your approach over and over again.

And you’ve got to do it in low stakes scenarios so it doesn’t hurt too much.

Imagine if you could train to be a professional boxer without the risk of getting punched in the face. That’s the kind of power we’re talking about.

Crash test dummies for flirting are everywhere.

By now you’re probably nodding and saying, “Yeah I get it Tripp; you want me to go to the mall and practice by hitting on girls I’m not really interested in. About a dozen dating coaches gave me that advice before you AND IT SUCKED. Thanks a lot”.

b. Understand what’s happening with the face in each case. For instance, you’ll notice that a genuine smile happens mostly in the eyes rather than the mouth. On the other hand, a creepy smile works the mouth but not the eyes.

c. Practice the different kinds of smiles in the mirror; yes, even the creepy ones. I want you to get used to the sensations you get in your face for each of the smiles, and turn them into muscle memory. That way, if you flash a creepy smile, you can catch yourself and change it into a genuine smile.

3. Apply your new skill out in the world on everyone you meet (maybe not on the thug breaking into your neighbor’s sedan at 3 am, but you get what I mean).

4. Observe the results and adjust accordingly.

Feeling nauseous at the thought of so much socializing? Don’t. You’ll find that most people you smile at will plain ignore you.

That’s fine and perfectly normal. It’s also a good thing for you, because it helps you learn to not take rejection personally—step by step, you’ll build thick skin, which is essential for approaching women.

The important thing is to keep testing.

Some of this stuff can be really counterintuitive. For instance, you might think that a wide smile makes you look weird; but then you test it out and find that people react more warmly to it.

You need to keep testing and polishing, getting rid of what bombs, keeping what works, and making it better. You’re part scientist, part comedian, all results.

After a while you’ll find that you’ve mastered an awesome smile and people tend to warm up to you faster.

Even better, your confidence has gone up a notch!

Remember, the less things you need to think (or worry) about when approaching a woman, the smoother you’re gonna be and the more natural you’ll sound. Competence breeds confidence.

This is the secret to becoming naturally attractive without ever needing to use cheesy pick-up lines or sneaky tricks.

Pick another skill and repeat the process.

You get the idea. Now, you need to apply this same approach to your other social skills.

Pick the next most basic thing—saying “Hi” to someone. Whenever someone smiles at you, say “Hi.”

That’s it.

Experiment with your voice. Try to inject different levels of enthusiasm into the greeting. Try all sorts of stuff.

Here are some more things you can test:

1. Eye contact

a. How long to keep it

b. Whether to break it off first

c. How to break it off

d. Whether to smile when making eye contact, and whether to smile immediately, or wait a while (and how long to wait)

b. Whether the orientation of your body affects how close you can get to people before they start backing off, e.g. When you’re facing someone directly, you might not be able to move too close, but you could try a sideways orientation.

3. Pauses in conversation

a. When in conversation, try to pause before replying

b. Test the length of your pauses to see how people respond

As you master the little things, you can move up to more “intimate” skills such as hugging. If you want to get a jump-start, you can check out my video on “How To Hug a Girl”.

The whole point is to work with small building blocks and testing them in a low stakes environment. It’s the little skills that eventually build up to form your cool, charming demeanor.

I mentioned this earlier but you might have missed it—listen up, because it’s really important. Only test one variable at a time!

Don’t get carried away trying all sorts of things at once.

If you’re trying more than one thing, you won’t know what’s working, and that will screw you up.

Say you spend the whole day both standing closer to people when you greet them AND waiting longer to reply, and find that people respond more favorably than the day before.

Well, guess what? Now you have to spend a couple extra days testing because you can’t say for sure what’s more important—proximity or pause duration.

Keep it simple; only test one new skill at a time and avoid “winging it.” This stuff is important.

Key Takeaways

So, here’s the list of takeaways in case you need a refresher or want to revisit it later.

1. Being good with women really boils down to being good with people in general.

2. Dating is a collection of skills that you can test and improve—one by one—to build competence and confidence.

3. You are a scientist, the world is your laboratory and everyone is your crash test dummy.

4. Pick one skill you’d like to improve (e.g. smiling), take it apart, analyze its separate parts, and then test out different variations on everyone.

5. Once you’ve improved one skill, move on to the next and repeat the process.

6. Only test one new skill at a time.

Ready, Set, Go!

Ok, you’ve got all you need. Now you can keep reading this post over and over hoping a goddess will magically fall in your lap, or you can go out there and do something useful with this knowledge by taking action.

Look, learning is good, but practice is what’s gonna get you results.

So, I want you to commit right now.

Don’t just limit yourself to the examples I gave you. Try out different tactics and share them in the comments.

I have a friend that I’ve known for about 6 years. I’m really into her. She recently came here to visit me. We went to the gun range and shot off a few rounds. Every time she shot, she wanted me to hold her hand with the gun. I held her hand and put the other around her waist. It all felt natural. What can I do to let her know that I want to be more than just friends?

Brainfreeze

Ignore her for somtym make her believe you are little busy ..dont be available for her …atlast flirt with her she might feel somthing different and change your looks and style she wil b into you soon …if it doest work ..you have to move on there ate lots of girls round here dude …

Make a move. Doing more things like shooting at the range, eating, movies will only get you deeper in as friends. If you make a move and she backs away, then try someone else. If she accepts, then great. Either way, don’t continue acting as friends and hoping for something else. Do something.

Jay

Hey Tripp, great site and material you have.
Now just trying to figure out when I’m walking down the street or any situation and making eye contact or trying to, the girl looks forward but she doesn’t blink whilst walking towards and past me. I can sense she sees me but the look with the eyes doesn’t feel normal rather forced. Is she trying not give away she is looking in my direction but trying to see who I am at the same time? Your thoughts appreciated thanks

People, especially women, naturally don’t make eye contact with strangers on the street. Don’t think about what she’s thinking, that won’t get you anywhere. When the opportunity presents itself, say hi and start a conversation. If you want to see exactly how this is done. Write to me and ask about my attraction course called “Infield Breakdown”. It’s $97 and it’ll show you multiple real examples of how to get a number from any girl on the street.

Edgar

Hey Tripp, I just want to thank you so much for giving such great advice! I also noticed that you seem to be familiar with The Art of Charm since you guys both share similarities in the type of content y’all provide. As for me I need to work more on my proximity and more intimate skills. Again, many thanks for giving advice that is short, simple, sweet, and last, but not least, genuine. 😀

Hey Tripp, Thank you for the tips. I am good starter, but I don’t know how to keep the conversation going on. It’s like I suddenly run out of subjects after the very good start. The situation then gets more and more awkward with long pauses and irrelevant questions that are totally of the topic and it is so obvious that they serve the purpose of just saying something 😀 any ideas?

Hi tripp, I am begginer what’s second thing after making great eye-contact, becuse she is staring at me. How to practise this becuse i am in small town and there is not a lot of people. By the way I am 18… I am scared a little bit becuse hoow to apply it..?? I am begginer

Hi Tripp first of all thanks for all…I mean the things I learned from you made me have great success with women. Actualy I have an intermediate level. My question is : Lastly I opened a cute girl by offering value (jokes fun change her mood) she buys into it after I directly show intend she shows me obvious IOIs and I bring up the idea of meeting up she wants it after I numclose. I text I call but I could NEVER EVER get her on a date. On the text When I give her some confort (emphaty little bit chodeness) she realy responds well with very long messages but I just couldn t manage to get her on a date. She says she s busy..After she said I met someone I ll have maybe a boyfriend..Any ideas would be realy great. Thanks…

I am really new to flirting and in my school, girls don’t like being around me and it makes it hard to flirt especially with my crush. So how do you flirt with a girl if she doesn’t really like you?

FRANCKURIEL

Tyson you need to be your self and have more confidence in your..it is some year ago i was like you and i wasnt talk to girl because i was afraid and one day i decided to move up and take my chance because if i dont do that i will never be able to have a girlfriend .you must be confidente and try on all girl .. start talking to them dont be afraid try some tips to see their behavior and be most concentrate on their eyes , their feet, their arms and thier fingers..you will learn some things

Just because someone doesn’t know you it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Once people get to know you and your friendly, fun and helpful, they’ll be more open and approachable around you. Good luck.

Dan Segui

so if I had already told her I liked her without doing this and she didn’t say anything but tells me it’s ok but when I put distance and not looking at her and she complains about it. she also does things for me to give her attention like telling me why after everything I say. thats friend zone right

Start again. Like we just met. Tell me a bit of your story and ask your question.

Dan Segui

well i think she was just using me for attention and i was asking what is she trying to say when i told her i liked her but she tells me nothing when i ask whats she is thinking and that its ok right after. that why is she getting mad when and tell me i dont talk to her enough or look at her enough when im just doing my own thing

Gautam

Hi Trip, How are you? Will you please help? I really need you. I have a major crush on a girl and she is less talkative, She gets active on social sites very often and we had a good conversation but ever since I told her about my feelings she starts giving me less attention although she seemed happy enough that time and also appreciated me that I confess to her but after that the things started getting wrong and now we are not in touch at all. I really need your suggestion my friend.

My suggestion to you is to not make that mistake again and go watch my videos to learn what to do instead. Telling a girl how you feel has been proven many times to never work. So I’ve made hundreds of videos for what to do instead. Not to mention hundreds of podcasts for how to talk to girls without blurting out your feelings. The material is there for you. Now go educate yourself

Hady Mustafa

Hi Trip, Hope you can read my comment. First of all I watched some of your videos during the last month, and I should thank you a lot for your efforts.
Second, I want to tell you that the most important thing I got from your videos is that I put my hand on my chronic relationship problems and figured out why it never worked out for me. The problem is that i’m honest and do it deep from my heart but most of the time this made me look needy which turns the girl off. add insult to injury is that I’m not so much social person, I always fear confrontation and prefer to stay in my comfort zone. also I’m a very sensitive moody person who easily got overwhelmed emotionally by the least feed back I get whether negatively or positively from people around me.
When I figured out all this about my self I felt so upset and frustrated because i thought that the problem is inside me and it’s related to my nature and there is no way to solve this.
But I’m a kind of guys who always fights for what he wants.. and soon later I found myself picking myself up to start my fight based on your advises.
I love dancing and I join many dance events in my country and I’m easily surrounded by awesome girls. but during the past few years friend-zone is the best I could have out of this environment.
I started telling myself enough is enough, and based on your advice I started to approach girls around me, and the output is as follows:
1- First I get a quick improvement to the point that feel it’s only a few days before I take her out.
2- a few days later I feel that it’s me who interested in her and she only replies to my questions and greeting me back when I do. and she was nice to me just because she is a nice and polite person not because she is interested in me.
3- At this point I lose all motivation to tell her I like her, I can’t do this before I make sure she also do. and I feel upset even don’t want to approach her again fearing huge disappointment as things turned out not promising any more. and I lose motivation to all the matter as a whole towards this girl or any other.
4- Along with this, I also approach girls I’m not so much interested in, but I do this for practice. having negative feed back from any of these girls I feel it a punch in my face, and I feel I’m about to fall down with no hope to get up again.
5- I’m not sure how long can I bear that, sooo afraid of failure and I don’t wanna give up. but it’s a huge load on my chest dear Trip, I could’t stand the pain yesterday and I cried in my car when left dance night yesterday.
6- All this happens to me despite I’m a good looking guy, with a very nice sense of humor, many people admire me for my dance and musical skills. looks like a respectful person, why don’t I get what i want. am I that bad? am I hopeless case ? Is it a curse ??
Social improvement is very hard to do my dear Trip, I can improve in any thing, But when it comes to my heart it’s very awful feeling when I fail.

Hey there. Thanks for the comment. Please condense your story down to 2-3 sentences and ask your 1 or 2 most important questions.

Hady Mustafa

Dear Trip, Sorry but I have a little more want to tell you.
Failing affects confidence so badly, If I’m out with 80% confidence, I end up with less that 10% after a couple failures.
Most of your articles and videos talks about practicing certain kind of talks and scenarios, and I’m a kind of person who can hardly talk or behave in a way I don’t really feel inside. especially when I get negative results.
and I want to tell you that negative results makes me more needy, which means less competent regarding what I’m trying to achieve.
Dear Trip, please if there is no way tell me, I’m ready to accept my destiny, but what makes me try that hard is hope, and hope is a very dangerous thing, I fear my hope might lead me to hell.

Márk Haraszti

Hey! I’m not Tripp but maybe I can help ya. So Tripp helped me a lot and I’m trying to use his teachings as much as I can and It’s working. I think the problem of yours is you do care about too much what will happen. And when you finally decide to use a ‘technique’ you mess it up, and then feel unconfident. But what are you scared of? Think it trough, what can you loose? When you fail, and start to became needy you need one thing to come in your mind: What can I loose? Just continue the practicing if you give it up you’ll never get a girl you want. Don’t give a shit how peaple react. They’ll react somehow, positive, negative or neutral. And that’s what you need. If you fail try somthing else it’s an experiment. You can’t master these things so easily you need time, but in the end you’ll succes if you have the courage. Disqualify feelings when you practice. Just don’t give up ever.

Hady Mustafa

Thank you mark for your reply, I just need to know how to stay dominant and in control over the girl thorough the conversation. I want to practice this but don’t know how to start. I have a chance to make a long open conversations but I always lose control after a while and I prefer to end it and leave fearing turning her off.

Timothy

This also happens too me, I need good advice PLEASE!!

Dodô Allegretti

Well first of all, try practicing on different tonalities. Search about rapport seeking, rapport neutral and rapport breaking tonalities, and continue on, do not end it early!

Hey, Hady. I’m not Trip, but I saw your post and I was really shocked! I may not have the techniques that Trip has created over time or the skills to express myself that he has, but I DO have many years of experience under my belt! I’ll try my best to express myself and hopefully Trip can help break down some of what I’m expressing.
The main thing that caught my attention to your post, was the crushing way that rejection made you feel for future attempts at dating! Hey bro, I feel you. Trust me, anything that you’ve been through has surely happened to me or someone else! You can’t believe that you’re unique in this! If you start believing that those rejections only happened to you, because you’re worse than everyone else, your confidence and spirit will weaken you! Every time you get rejected, a piece of your inner strength will disappear!
Listen to me clearly, we ALL have gone through this! Rejected over, and over, and over! This is just part of the GAME! It’s just a consequence of playing! But, it isn’t the END of the game! AS LONG AS YOU KEEP PLAYING!! Understand?! The only END comes when you give up, when you say “I’ve had enough!” If you get to that point, then yeah, the game WILL be over. But just for YOU!! Everybody else will still be trying, and hoping, and fighting, to get what they want! Except YOU!!
So, do you feel that any rejection you’ve had, cut physically into your vital organs, to make you bleed internally?! Have those rejections actually put you into an ambulance, going to the “Emergency Room” with your life on the line?! NO?! Then what the hell is your problem?!
Did the word “NO” break your blood vessels, or give you Cancer, or AIDS?!!
Or is it that you’re just too weak to accept a few words??!! Are you that weak??!!
In this game, people who want to eventually win, brush themselves off and come back for more!! The losers should just put on their pink panties and HANDLE IT!! But the ones with heart and confidence, they get right back in the game for some more punishment!! WHY!! Because the reward at the end is so SWEET!! And that’s the only reason that’s important!!

Hady Mustafa

Thank you for your support my friend, This post was more than two month ago. I’m on my way since then and I’m progressing but veryyy slowly.

Yes you are on your way. And stop talking about how “veryyyy slowwww” you’re making progress. You’re bringing yourself and me down. Keep sharing as you have been in Tripp’s Corner, practice with the opportunities that present themselves to you in real life, and get those experiences that create a higher awareness.

Hi This is EXACTLY whats happening with me, right now I’m really into this girl and I cant tell if she likes me. I try talking to her but from earlier experiences my mind just goes blank, I try to be strait forward but I just make mistakes. I really need some good advice Please Help!!!

If you can’t tell if she likes you, ask her if she would like to do something with you. It can be anything; coffee, lunch, or a movie. You’ll get your answer right away.

Jack Lincoln

Thanks Tripp you are the best and i will really try with a cafe or somm like that
btw i posted up there

robert2341

Hey Tripp great stuf u have on your youtube channel and here…i aprove it as an old player that retired from game since 11 years(relationship that ended bad :D) now at my 34 started to like a girl from my work,i am new there-we are having eye contact and she is smiling at me some times as i walk by…we dont have oportunity to talk for long cause working under presure…should i ask her phone number or better give mine…i usually remember i didnt get to lose much time what do u sugest 😀 ?

Hi Robert. It’s not usually a good idea to ask for a woman’s contact info before getting to know her. Even if she wants to give it to you, she’s inclined to say no, because you’re not even bothering to learn more about her and just “going for the close”. Create the opportunity to talk to her more and try to get to know her better. If you work together, there should be opportunities for you to do this.

P.b. Curtis

Hey Tripp. I am brand spanking new to watching your videos, and I have confidence that if I apply them and practice, I will have great results. I have the worst luck trying to get girls interested in me on Facebook. I admit, the way I’ve gone about it in the past is what has lead to me to the friend zone with most of them. I act like the nice guy and I always seem to lose. I will keep watching your videos, of course and I did subscribe to your channel but do you have any advice on how I can break myself from just being the nice guy and make myself more interesting or change the way I post and talk to make girls more attracted to me??

There’s another blog post on here called “10 Ways To Be More Interesting To Women”. I recommend reading it. Also, the best way to stop being the “nice guy” is to make your real intentions clear with a woman from the start. This is why guys get called “a nice guy” in the first place. Because he’s just acting nice and friendly as opposed to the exciting flirty bad boy that gets the girls.

Tony Cooney

Hi Tripp. I find myself always flirting with women even when on dates from the hostess to the waitress or as people like to be called now Server. Anyways I tend to catch myself doing this a lot and then think does the girl on the date realize I’m flirting with the woman or they brush it off. The only time I don’t flirt is when I’m in a relationship. Their is this one woman that I deal with on a business level for my job and every time I call her when I’m at work I flirt with her on the phone.
I can tell she is flirty in a way and that is one of the attractions I have have towards her. I love the flirting back she does with me. ,But the thing is I’m worried if I ask her out and she says no that she will feel uncomfortable with me especially since we deal with each other couple times a week.

That’s why some people prefer not to date their co-workers. Thanks for sharing.

John Marshall

Hi Tripp I just read the discussion for flirting & some of the posts. On my travels around the world. I have met many strange men with little confidence in just communicating with women. I prefer talking to a woman than a man. I think it is because I am a teacher of adult women. I have a good understanding of many types of women. I am always relaxed around women. I am 6 ft tall. I am told I am handsome by many women. I am also 61 years of age. The women tell me they do not believe I am 61. What ever age you are if they like you. You are able to date any woman of any age.

Hi Tripp how you doing.Look i know the girl, we are 17 and i am improvising about my flirting with her and today my friend just messed my plans up.We are used to be alone in one room for about 1:30 hours maybe 1:00 hour
somm like that.So i mean if you can give me advice how to flirt with her but i myb can help if i say that i can get her laugh instant because i’m funny to her and i think she likes me a little. Again today we were just as close as distant of shoulders myb closer.And we didn’t fell in love . Hey we are crazy we bought 5 markers and wrote on as many as 50 poles . So we were heads to heads at least i enjoyed that 50 myb more moments. We broke the record of being longer alone and we didn’t fell. I don’t know what to do man. Can you help me Tripp please i love her soo much…?