Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Tales of the Unemployed...

I've spent the last six weeks or so being unemployed. Overall it's been kind of boring. I miss interacting with human beings, even if I generally don't care for them too much. My laughs per day (LPD) have dropped significantly since my layoff. However, being unemployed has allowed me some time to explore other life options. One of those options has been manscaping. I finally have the time to sculpt my body hair in ways I could only imagine while I was employed. Last week I realized a dream I've held for nearly 20 years when I sculpted the timeless "man in the maze" Native American design into my pubic hair. It took me four and a half hours to complete, which is weird because I've never spent more than an hour on any of my ceramic sculptures. I was quite pleased with the results. So pleased I photographed my work in an effort to archive one of my greatest works. In the interest of decency, I will not post the pictures here on my blog. Just know that I was very pleased with my work. Another life option I've been exploring is physical fitness via a gymnasium membership. I've been easing into this life option, mostly just using the treadmill and stairmaster. After two weeks of just focusing on those activities I graduated to using the body shaping machines, focusing mostly on my arms. I've never been confident with the toning on my arms. I started feeling so good about myself that last week I decided I would swim laps in the pool. I even purchased some swimming goggles. After a light workout on the treadmill I ventured into the locker room to change into my swim trunks. I should note that I don't have a whole lot of locker room experience. It's a place I've tried to avoid my whole life. I decided I would avoid all eye contact and get out of there ASAP (as soon as possible). I found a locker stall, got my swim trunks out, then disrobed. It was at this moment that some guy walked into the locker room and stopped in his tracks. He was standing ten feet in front of me. I was topless, my gym shorts around my ankles, and too startled to grab a towel to cover myself. The man then made eye contact with me, smiled, and pointed at my private parts. He asked me, "Hey man, are you Yavapai? I'm Pasqua Yaqui."