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In a recent conversation with my guy, I came to the conclusion that while I’d love for my Instagram to reflect me in an adventurous, stylish and hip-with-the-times kinda girl, I just can’t afford it. My feeds are literally blowing up with my cool friends and their cool adventure supplies and frankly, I’m over here still discovering Clif Bars. I even bought a bicycle to seem cool, active, and adventurous. But in the spirit of being honest, the following is a expose on why I don’t belong in that life.

Eno

As much as I want to adventure out into the world to some quiet alone place, hang up my hammock, and take a #myviewrightnow foot selfie… I can’t picture myself diving that deep into an adventure just to stop and set up camp. I’m sorry, but when I adventure, I must ramble on. It’s not you, it’s me. While you’re probably the most at peace human on the planet right now, my soul just can’t sit still. If anything, I would set up for a 3 minute photo shoot, get bored, and find a butterfly to chase.

Not an investment for me. You look great though!

Chacos

“#NeverHadAChacoTan” tweeted nobody ever. Who would admit to such a thing. I’m definitely not a Chaco wearer, but you can fully blame my pride and my budget. See, when you have a size 12.5 foot and you’re a woman, you don’t even bother looking at shoes. That means this girl has had no Sperries, no Toms, no Uggs, and no Beanboots. And especially no Chacos. Now I know – I could always just order Men’s shoes. But frankly, I’ve been wearing ugly men’s sneakers and sandals for years. I’m not going to pay TBP* for men’s shoes. No.

Not an investment for me. You look great though!

*Trending Brand Price

GoPro

Never Say Never, but I will need to amp up my coolness scale about 100 times before this investment would be worth it to me. We can’t all be Vitaliy*. I mean C’mon. When your biggest (regular) adventures is beginning a new Netflix season to binge on and trekking out into the great Kroger to buy more catfood… You just aren’t cool enough for the GoPro Life. (Although I travel often, if you know me, you know I have a knack for loosing expensive things. So even if I was cool enough, I’m not retentive enough!)

Not an investment for me. You look great though.

*This is Vitaliy

Listen. If you are cool enough for these, please share your story. I need to know it’s worth it for someone. Unfortunately, that someone isn’t me.

P.S. #StayTrueToYou

P.P.S. This has nothing to do with my recent trips to Mast General Store and REI.