ACSC12 - Brothers in Arms (Part 1)

(Updated on 02/01/13)

Author

File Description

RedHandedJill

Posted on 01/26/13 @ 09:25 AM

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The Conquerors

Brothers in Arms Part 1 is the start of the tale of two siblings. It is a cinematic scenario so once started do not pause it and do not move the mouse (apart from to get it out the way). It should be played at Normal speed.

It is a tale of how these children cope and survive in the dire situations that arise from their lives getting turned upside down by a war between two nations.

The history behind the story is that the siblings live on a strip of land between the Yohannian Kingdom and the Percivallian Empire. As these enemies expanded their borders, they took over the land between them and this is the war the siblings find themselves in. Both these nations are unknown to the villages of the strand before now.

This is the first ever scenario which I have done and the first time I've ever done triggering so I'd love to hear peoples thoughts so I can improve.
I hope you enjoy it.

After playing the scenario, I notced that the dialogues were to fast and to confusing. Mainly, because the siblings aren't introduced. For instance, what are their names and such? Also, the enemy came out of nowhere, without leaving any traces to their attack of the village. The map design was probably the things I liked most, including the uniquely placed and map copied buildings.Overall, I liked the scenario and got thrilled what happened next.

[Edited on 01/27/13 @ 10:42 AM]

RedHandedJillFile Author

Posted on 02/01/13 @ 12:22 PM

Kakashimoto, I'm confused by how you missed their names. In first lines they have their names are found at the start of the speech to help with the colour association.

I've just updated it so there is a trigger naming objects, so now they units playing them are now named, which should help you.

I don't understand what you mean about the attack.
Sorry you found the text too fast, I myself am a slow reader and find it fine, and my friend who is even slower than me didn't comment on it. This is a character who is meant to have a strange language, but he only has two lines.

[Edited on 02/01/13 @ 12:34 PM]

Kakashimoto

Posted on 02/01/13 @ 04:40 PM

Yes, but most people use the names for the dialogue not to get confusing, such as, who said it, and such. By the attack, I meant how they marched up or something, like without leaving any traces, in other case, they just came out of nowhere. Yes, I indeed am a slow reader myself, or could of been the effect by playing on fast speed. Either way, I enjoyed this scenario. :)

RedHandedJillFile Author

Posted on 02/01/13 @ 04:54 PM

It's designed for normal speed so playing it on fast probably made the difference.
The army is meant to attack from one side, which is not the siblings come from. You see everything from the siblings point of view, so you only know what they know. Where the army comes from is meant to be left to the imagination for now, which probably isn't the best thing for a cinematic but I like to drip feed the reader(viewer in this case) the information.
I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

panelOfficial Reviewer

Posted on 02/06/13 @ 04:21 PM

Rating

4.2

Breakdown

Playability

4.0

Pacing

5.0

Creativity

4.0

Map Design

4.0

Story/Instructions

4.0

Brothers in Arms (Part 1) is an enjoyable cinematic scenario depicting the story of Faye and Myer, a brother and sister that fight for survival in a land plagued by war.

Playability: 4

The cinematic isn't bad at all, but it's pretty short, playing for around ten minutes.

The story is not necessarily original, but it's well told and the cinematic is reasonably engaging. Some problems might arise from the fact that the two characters aren't named within the game itself, and the player needs a good memory to remember who was who (especially since the names are not really common)and which color each of the two main characters were assigned. In a scenario that doesn't use all seven players, this could've been solved by assigning these two characters the exact colors their chat lines have (blue and yellow in this case). Or even easier, provide the names in the beginning of each chatline.

Balance: 5-
In general, the cinematic was well set up and there weren't any inconsistencies or bugs that would turn the watcher off. There were some things that could be improved though, such as the villagers in the second village dying before the swordsmen touched them. Also, the road that the characters take and that the player can see, which is supposed to last for a long time, and that is visibly very short. (a change of camera to a different setting on the map would've given a better impression)

These are things that matter in a cinematic scenario, much more than they would in one that focuses on gameplay, so they shouldn't be forgotten.

Creativity: 4
Though in all honesty this isn't an action packed cinematic, or one in which you would see impressive special effects, there are some very interesting and promising things about it, such as the very nice way in which the soundtrack fits the things happening on-screen. The two main characters also are well set-up, and despite the short length of the scenario, one can easily get attached to them and look forward to learning more about their fate. The author loves to tell a story, and this shows throughout the scenario.

Map Design: 4
The map was pleasant to look at, but there was nothing that really stood out to warrant a higher score. Perhaps more terrain mixing in some areas would've been good, and more diverse scenery, eye candy, etc. Still, for one's first scenario it's a really good start, leaving room for improvement.

Story/Instructions: 4
As I said, the story is not original, but it's told in a way that works, and the characters are interesting. I would've enjoyed more focus on the backstory - what country are they from? who are these (apparently two) enemies that either burn villages down or extort them? Some things are not made clear enough, and would've made the viewer more interested in finding out what happens to the characters next. Save for a few spelling mistakes the dialogues and instructions were ok.

Additional Comments:

A promising first try in AOK scenario design for RedHandedJill, and hopefully we will soon have a sequel to continue the story. A recommended download for people who value story above visual effects.

RedHandedJillFile Author

Posted on 02/07/13 @ 11:01 AM

Thanks for the review Panel. :)
I'll take all this into account in my next venture, which will start after I catch up with my work. It's nice to be able to benchmark where I'm at.

[Edited on 02/07/13 @ 04:14 PM]

Dead_EndStaff

Posted on 02/07/13 @ 02:34 PM

An excellent first project. Well done!

Whoracle

Posted on 02/10/13 @ 09:34 PM

Very good work for a first project. Still some room for improvement here and there, but overall it's nicely done. Emphasis on story is clearly shown here, and I always value scenarios which are designed that way.

Couldn't agree more with Panel's review.

PopeychopsStaffOfficial Reviewer

Posted on 02/22/13 @ 06:48 PM

My congratulations to you on an excellent first offering! Since the duration of your cinematic was limited by the timing of the competition, would it be possible to implement some of the suggestions made in panel's review before you continue with the next part of the story?

paperclip007

Posted on 02/23/13 @ 01:28 PM

Nice work! I really enjoyed this cinematic. I thought the story was well told and interesting, and the music set the tone very well. The only issues I saw were some spelling and grammar mistakes and the very compressed map (like Panel said, you could probably have changed views to simulate the passage of distance and time more effectively).