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Ashton Deroy Writes: Hey guys, so there have definitely been some changes obviously. We started our own online shop! We are starting out as drop shippers & designers but we are hoping to actually own and photograph our products very soon.

We sold something in under an hour! So we know stuff is going to happen with this project. I mean it is literally lead by a guy who loves sales. The second on the project is my brother Matt Clarke .

I hope people will continue to support this blog now that we are operating as a business. We still hope to make magnificent art & connect with the alternative healing community.

Canada Day Wake & Bake

Happy Canada Day viewers. In this video, I just wanted to showcase my new (used) vape & some pets. This video is still brought to you by the fact, “Diana Prefers Non-GMO food because she is fancy.”

Written by Ashton Deroy: In coherence with the law no non-medical users or underaged person were given access to personal medication supply. We also harmed 0 animals in the making of this video. As the vlogger is a vegetarian. Ashley helped with the filming & cooking while I was medicating, because sometimes intoxicated cooking causes fires.

“A condition of persistent mental and emotional stress occurring as a result of injury or severe psychological shock, typically involving disturbance of sleep and constant vivid recall of the experience, with dulled responses to others and to the outside world.” Google search

If you ask me what it is, however… I will tell you it is.

Consistently having nightmares that make sleep impossible.

Feeling like the world’s sole purpose with you is to torment you.

Losing the ability to believe in love because it only amounts to pain

Struggling to hold a job because you stress yourself out of them

Feeling crushed under the pressure of what you feel is your closely approaching doom.

On the telephone doing financial market research in the Baltimore territory. I got called a cockroach by someone on the other end of the phone 6/25. A cockroach, like something exposed to a filthy environment, multiple trauma’s but just won’t die! Even if you crush just a part of one of these pests, it can drag itself around still. However, a cockroach feels no pain!

Maybe I am dirty, maybe I am dragging around a partially crushed carcas. I do feel pain though & instead of letting it kill me. I just try to live in spite of it.

Ashton Deroy Writes: Due to just incredible feedback & my willingness to execute this project. I will be turning this space into my medical marijuana blog, where my goal long term is to have it featured in partnership with Swan Whispers ASMR.

If we are just meeting. I am Ashton Deroy, gay bashing survivor, a victim of the affliction of PTSD & medical cannabis user. When I was 19 I was a victim of an attack which had me lead my 3 other men into a dumpster where I was trapped. It was not long but it could have been the end of my life had it not been for some friends looking out for me.

“I don’t want to be like this.” What do I mean when I say that? Well, I don’t want to have fits, stress out or cry for no reason. I think I sound insane when I describe it to people. In fact, I know I sound insane. When you talk about survivors… Talk about the girl at my work who when I told her I had PTSD she mentioned she was a breast cancer survivor. That surviving takes bravery!

What about my aunt? Surviving the attacks of a terrorist & cancer as well. That is bravery. I just continue to be loud & expressive in a world that has sometimes rejected me like trash. That is when I am not completely losing my mind to a panic attack.

I can’t do anything about my past, but I can try to live happy in the present. That is when the pot comes in. Now, I can’t pretend… These things still happen because weed is not a miracle cure it is a management medicine. These are things that still happen to me with weed:

I still get scared & panic for no reason

I can still cry for no reason

I can still feel at time dejected and rejected.

What is not happening? :

I am not self-harming

I am not drinking unsupervised if at all. (PTSD & alcohol is not a good combo)

I do not wake up feeling hopeless and incapable even in a scarce resource period

Hey friends, Family & readers. I wish you all health, wellness & fulfillment. My name is Ashton Deroy and I struggle with PTSD. I have been gay bashed, assaulted & I survived an abusive relationship. It has been a rough road but in 2018 I got a medical cannabis prescription & I was blessed. This blog follows my journey to spiritual fulfillment and community. This post is to promote safe consumption so you don’t have to be offside & wrongly chastised as a “smoker”. This oil blend helps me sleep, rest my brain issues & tap into my creativity. Step 1 Grind 1/2 gram of dry cannabis as dryly as possible.Step 2 Por 3 cups of water into a small pot and bring it to a low rolling boilStep 3 Add 2 tablespoons of coconut oil into the boiling water. THC is not water soluble alone and requires a fatty substance to bind to under heat. Step 4Add finely group cannabis to the boiling water. Step 5Boil the water and oil mixture on medium-high heat for at least 30 minutes, stirring every few minutes. After 30-40 minutes, strain the mixture into a cup and discard cannabis residue. Step 6 The cannabis tea is now ready to consume For extra flavor add a decaffeinated herbal flavored tea bag. Note: It may take up to 1 hour for cannabis tea to reach its full effects. Some people report the effects lasting up to 12 hours. Feedback on my use, I used a high THC strain rather than the recommended CBD strain. The result was an intensified head high. This worked out to a head high, an increased sex drive (for the coffee cannabis fusion) & increased appetite. When I was stoned I decided to redo the environment of my Spotify playlist. I downloaded other cultural music, some rich beautiful saxophone instrumentals & I watched the Maleficent movie on Netflix.

If this is your first time on this blog. This is a space where we tell marijuana jokes & explore how marijuana treats PTSD. I like to say I am a centrist when it comes to marijuana as medicine. Thank Diana Skye in large part. I always have her to remind me it is not a miracle drug. In fact without cognitive rehabilitation studies are showing that it does nothing for PTSD. Marijuana is still a medicine that aids with my mental issue while making me open to conversations I need to be having with physicians, counselors & an awaiting psyche referral. I just got my medication from Canada Post, sold to me by Aphria for my PTSD.

What triggered my PTSD? , I am a victim of multiple trauma. In fact 3 key traumas I think play a role. 1. I was sexually assaulted at 17 & 14 by a relative. 2. When I was 19 I nearly got trapped in a dumpster before being saved by a very close friend & my brother. 3. I was abused by my ex-boyfriend. The third one was the worst one because it was constant and I couldn’t will my way out of the relationship until 2015 and we were unhealthy from the beginning in 2013.

This is an entry in my pot journal. Before I begin I want to say I am safe, in recovery & functioning. While some of it goes to the medicine, for example being able to do something other than ball my eyes out after work. I realize there is a lot my medicine cannot do for me. The following things are stuff I know the medicine cannot do for me:

The medicine cannot go to work for me. I need to wake up be sober & maybe have a cup of coffee in the morning in order to do that.

The medicine can not face loved ones & friends I’ve turned against in stages of high paranoia. I need to make my own amends in my own time in order to fix this problem.

The medicine cannot tell a story through image & text. That is still me, my brain, my dreams & my executed vision.

The medicine isn’t the one surviving my condition. I am the one who turned to help for my PTSD around a time it could have killed me.

I worry sometimes because I have momentary space-outs at work, I might overshare & I have alienated myself from prior social groups. However, recovery is a process and not one I have stuck to much until now. I want to talk about a study I am looking at.

Is Psychological condition a victim of one’s nature or is it nurture? This is often a debate I have with my brother actually. In a lot of ways, I am very similar to our mom. Also, who has PTSD? While both of our’s are triggered by instances of trauma. Still, there are people traumatized who do not experience this disorder. So why us? Her’s was triggered by a car accident mine was triggered by bashing and an abusive ex.

Speaking of medicine use. I need to follow physician orders & look into vaporizers or edibles. It goes without saying picking up a cheap bong or pipe is an easy option. Maybe not the smartest. If you have a recommendation please email me at Ashtonderoy@gmail.com