Thursday Watch List: BIEBER GOES TO PRISON!!!

Receive the latest popcornbiz updates in your inbox

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and decide to quit your job to pursue a career in hip hop. LET’S GO!

CSI – 9:00PM (CBS) CBS’s perennial hit procedural returns for its four millionth season. But not what’s important tonight. What’s important is… BIEBER!!!! BIEBER BIEBER BIEBER BIEBER! OMG! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Can you feel my heart beating? It’s beating so fast! I may faint! This must be what menopause is like! My hand is shaking. Look at it move! It’s doing that involuntarily! I’m NOT faking! Anyway, tonight Justin Bieber plays a troubled youth (is there any other kind?). He even wears a prison jumpsuit, which I bet will be totally convincing. I’m told he has an “explosive confrontation” with the CSI investigators, no doubt over whether or not he can stay out an extra hour on Saturday night, because Jenny Dixon’s party is supposed to be the party of the year. ANTICIPATION: BIEBERRRRRRR!

MY GENERATION – 8:00PM (ABC) ABC’s latest prime time soap is a phony documentary that revisits a group of high school classmates ten years after graduation. The mockumentary format works for comedies like “The Office” and “Parks and Recreation,” but it remains to be seen if it’ll work wonders for an hourlong drama. ABC’s “Detroit 187” was also supposed to have this same gimmick, but it was ditched and the pilot was reworked. Also, I’m wary of anything with the word “generation” in the title. Sounds like a Pepsi ad. ANTICIPATION: ANGSTY!

OUTSOURCED – 9:30PM (NBC) “Parks and Recreation” is a midseason replacement this year, which makes me hate everything and everyone. In its place is this new comedy about an American sent overseas to work in an Indian call center. Cultures clash. Hilarity ensues. Curry for breakfast?! That’s krayyyyzee! ANTICIPATION: DAAL!

$#*! MY DAD SAYS – 8:30PM (CBS) As a goof, comedy writer Justin Halpern started a Twitter feed that chronicled all the delightfully profane things his father said. He turned that feed into a book that topped the New York Times bestseller list (and remains firmly entrenched in the top 10), and now this sitcom starring William Shatner that has been reworked a few times over. Advance notices haven’t been good. But really, even if this show fails, I’d say Halpern has come out wayyyyy ahead. People act like it’s the end of days because a Twitter feed got turned into a sitcom. As if finding ideas from new places is some kind of horrible thing. It is not. Unless this show stinks, which it may very well do. ANTICIPATION: FILTH FLARN FILTH!

THE OFFICE – 9:00PM (NBC) It’s all new tonight, as are “Fringe,” “Bones,” “The Mentalist,” “The Big Bang Theory,” “30 Rock,” and about 90 other shows. So get all wined up and ready to party on your butt. ANTICIPATION: NEWNESS!