The Detroit Police Dept. announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, 5 million dollars in forged US banknotes and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes---all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave.

Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said, "We're all shocked: we never knew we had a library."