“I Ate a Kid": All of Jane Lynch’s Best Lines at Last Night’s Trevor Live Benefit

The kids of the P.S. 22 chorus opened Monday’s Trevor Live benefit with a rousing performance that had the crowd cheering. “Those kids, we were back there crying,” said Jane Lynch, who hosted. “They were just amazing. Beautiful. And so precious. I ate one. He was delicious,” she said. “Thank God he was an alto.”

And Lynch continued with her trademark brand of self-involved humor. Some highlights from her routine:

On the children she is working with in the musical Annie on Broadway: “I tried to tell them about some of my more memorable roles, like Christy Cummings in Best of Show. But frankly, there were so many questions that I just gave up. I mean, try explaining to a 10-year-old what’s funny about playing a butch-lesbian dog handler. What could I possibly say about my role as Laurie Bohner in A Mighty Wind? Do I tell them that I played a porn actress turned folk singer? No, because what kind of role model would I be to them if they found out that I played a folk singer?”

On doing Broadway: “Broadway is so different from movies and TV. First of all, on Broadway, you have to do it over and over and over and over and over again, eight times a week! [Cackles.] And it never seems to end. So that’s why I try to stay in character, always. This way, I don’t get confused going between two different realities, or have any of my co-workers know any of them personally. I think of my fellow actors as their characters, because it’s easier for me that way. Annie, for instance, I simply refer to as Annie. If she has another name, or parents, or even a personality, I am unaware. To me she is an actual orphan.”

Lynch did, eventually, get around to talking up the Trevor Project, which provides crisis-intervention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth by saying: “This shocked me: We’re not here to talk about me.”

Among those participating in the event were Andy Cohen, Gabourey Sidibe, Olivia Thirlby, and Jersey-ites Jenni “Jwoww” Farley and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. Tony winner Billy Porter sang a song, and singer Jessica Sanchez closed out the evening with a set.

Comic actress Julie Halston got the crowd howling with a deadpan reading of a (hopefully spoofed) New York Times same-sex wedding announcement, with lines like “Mr. Biston—Jamie—taught yoga and meditation. Mr. Krauss took the class, and they would always exchange greetings. Mr. Krauss said, ‘I noticed him, absolutely. And then, I knew of him, anecdotally, through my trainer, that he was a dancer. And I Googled his name, and all his credits came right up!’”

Cindy McCain was honored with the hero award. “I don’t fall into that category at all,” McCain told VF Daily before taking the stage. “But with that said, I’m deeply honored and very humbled to be here, and I’m very excited to, of course, be able to promote Trevor Project, and perhaps open individuals’ eyes that might not have their eyes open [about] this,” she said. “And I mean some of the folks in my own party.”

Several teenagers who turned to the Trevor hotline for help spoke movingly at the event. Mrs. McCain, wife of Senator John McCain, said that as a teen, she got into mischief. “I was a normal teenager, just like my four. So I got in trouble; I got out of trouble,” she said, adding that she was fortunate to have had great parents who instilled good values.

Her daughter Meghan McCain, who presented the award, told VF Daily that as a teen, she cut school all the time. “I was, like, at school as little as possible. I got in a lot of trouble for that,” McCain said laughing. “I would go to, like, really cheesy places like Jamba Juice and the Biltmore. Only people from Arizona will know what that is; it’s, like, this shopping mall,” she added, laughing.