Take this with the slightest grain of salt: Idle Hands is reporting that a source has given them complete descriptions of the four Turtles, Splinter, and Shredder from Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. How, you might ask? Why, via seeing their action figures (which is the true reason the movie was delayed so as not to compete with the merchandise of the other 80s nostalgia property Bay will ravage in 2014: Transformers).

The description is a good news, bad news deal. Of the Turtles and Splinter it seems they all have a "traditional design." Here's what the source on Idle Hands said:

Each turtle has the weapons they should have. (YAY!) 2 swords for Leo, a staff for Don, 2 sais for Raph, a pair of nunchucks and a three sectioned staff for Mikey. - Each turtle looks LIKE A TURTLE and not alien...at all. (BIGGER YAY!) In fact the designs are quite traditional and unremarkable, and feature far less texture than the 90's movie turtles. Eyes are fairly normal and not cartoonishly large. No beak along the nose area like some speculated. Three fingers and two toes. - The sort of hunched over posture present in the actors in those leaked set pictures is present here. - Amazingly, each character appeared to have a different physique with some (like Raphael and Leonardo) having super heroey muscle tone (though Raph appears more pumped up than Leo) and Donatello appearing slimmer..leaner. Michelangelo could possibly be slightly shorter than the rest. - Each turtle's mask matches the color from the cartoons. - Styles of dress are different as well with Leonardo in a sort of pseudo samurai gear get up including shoulder armor, some leg bits, arm bracer and foot wear up to the calf with bindings showing. He might have some armor (non metal) along his chest as well. Donatello's gear is a mix of techy, modern and a dash of samurai with more normal footwear (for a 2 toed giant turtle), some gadget on his head and gadgetry coming off of his shell. The ends of his mask are far longer than the rest, draping down to his waist. Raphael has adopted an urban warrior look with white, bandage-like wrappings on his feet, right leg, and right arm. He wears this very conan-esque loin cloth..thing..with leather straps draping down as if he were more suited for gladiatorial battle. Michelangelo's outfit seems the simplest with a hoodie wrapped around his waist, pants and sneakers with the toes cut out, wrappings on his hands and forearms, a necklace (could be puka shell beads?) and his mask ends drape down to his chest. He looks frighteningly ready to spit out some modern catch phrases.

- Again, a very traditional design. - Hair pulled up in a samurai..nub? Fu Manchu facial hair going on. - His eyes seemed a little odd but I couldn't make out what was going on there. - Slightly tattered samurai outfit with a blue upper half with gold accents, tan lower belted robes and blocky sandals. - Comes with a samurai sword.

Now the bad news, and of coruse it comes for the Shredder. The source gives this description of the arch-nemesis (played by William Fichtner in the movie) of the heroes in a half-shell:

- This guy looks like he owns stock in the Ronco knife company! Pointy edges coming off of absolutely anything. He'll be the stuff of ridicule for some time. Very overcomplicated outfit. - Helmet is pseudo-traditional, adopting elements of the classic look (mostly the shape and key elements) with the top coming down over the eyes to the nose. Mouth area is recessed. - Describing the rest of this armor is a nightmare. Suffice to say, even though he's covered head to toe in metal armor or blades, his arms are still mostly bare. It's a bit comical. He's got the shoulder pieces with the blades coming off them, the shin armor with the blades coming off them, black armor areas to offset the steel parts and a cape that looks metal with blades coming down the side. I'd expect we'll see him whip that around in battle. - His only weapons (beyond his whole body) seem to be the bladey thingies coming off his forearm armor. The one on his right arm seems incredibly complicated..maybe a spinning blade?

The way the source phrases it reminds this reporter of the horrific design Hollywood decided to bestow on another classic 80s villain by giving them a beyond ridiculous costume:

Thankfully, the sequel to that movie rectified that horrific design. Will history repeat itself? Is this report even true? Well, the report also gives us the lowdown on an April O'Neill and a Foot Soldier figures. We'll find out when Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gives us a viewing like no other on August 8, 2014. Now we just have to watch out for that version's Shredder...

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About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Character Spotlight, and Cartoon Reviews. He's also an aspiring comic book writer trying to get some of his works published on the Outhouse. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.