Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Lindsey Vonn Dating Tiger Woods (and more)

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

US skier Lindsey Vonn and golfer Tiger Woods just announced on their Facebook pages that they have been dating each other. While the others have already reported this news, the Blickbild gives its unique perspective on their relationship. In addtion, during a recent interview on Austrian TV, Ms. Vonn admitted that she was bored. The Blickbild, which is always ready to aid those in need, decided to help Ms. Vonn find a solution to her boredom. We sent one of our intrepid reporters to high schools around the USA to ask teenagers to help find a way to alleviate her boredom. Lindsey has always been one of the Blickbild's favorite interview subjects. She granted us an interview to talk about her relationship with Tiger, her boredom, and her lawsuit against Slovenia.

BB: Your relationship with Tiger Woods is not a big secret. You went home from Schladming on his plane and spent time on his yacht before the World Cup finals. Why did you choose now to announce that you are dating?

Vonn: My relationship with Tiger sure has not been a very good secret. We started off as friends and then the relationship blossomed into something more in the past few months. We are very happy together. I chose after the World Cup finals to announce that Tiger and I are dating for two reasons. The first is that I felt that Tina Maze got enough media attention for her records this season. Do people really care about a skier from an insignificant country?

BB: Only when a skier from what you call an insignificant country sets records that may possibly never be broken. What Tina did this season was remarkable and may never be repeated.

Vonn: She only did so well because I took time off because of my belly aches, depression, and knee injury. I don't want to talk about it because I was supposed to be the first woman to 2000 points. It makes me depressed just thinking about what Tina did this season.

Vonn: With both Tina and Mikaela Shiffrin getting all of the attention, people were starting to forget about me. I am doing everything that I can to promote both myself and Alpine skiing in the States. Therefore, I needed to shift the spotlight back onto me, where it belongs. It took me less than a week from the end of World Cup finals to now to get back into the limelight. BB: Don't you think that Ted Ligety and Mikaela Shiffrin's success both on the World Cup and in Schladming this season would help keep Alpine skiing in the US public eye?

Vonn: Maybe. But Ted and Mikaela aren't me. Neither of them has accomplished what I have. BB: Right. Would you like to teach Tiger's kids how to ski?Vonn: Yes! That is one of the things I plan to do. It will also help me with my rehab.BB: During the 2010 Olympics you criticized Tiger for being unfaithful to his wife. Yet here you are with that same person that you publicly slammed. Aren't you worried that Tiger is going to cheat on you?Vonn: No. I got to know Tiger and realize now why he cheated on his wife. I was able to forgive him and we have taken our relationship to the next stage. Anyway, he is also a celebrity. It wouldn't do for me to date an ordinary man. Now every time that Tiger gets mentioned in the media, I will be too.

BB: First you came out and announced your relationship with Tiger. Then you said that you wanted to keep it private. How do you possibly plan to keep things private when you tweet about what you and Tiger did? We saw one of your tweets, which said, "Tiger and I went to second base," and another which said, "Went to third base with Tiger. Roger who?"

Vonn: I have to announce these things so that people know that my relationship with Tiger is real. But I hope that people don't go around spreading those tweets. We want to keep things between us private.

BB: I see. But if you really want to keep things private, you shouldn't be tweeting about going to second and third bases. You should just let people guess what you're doing.Vonn: Well that's no fun! And it's not proper. If I don't keep tweeting about what I'm doing with Tiger, then people won't know what's going on. Part of my responsibility as a celebrity is keeping my fans informed. But true fans won't spread my tweets and will respect my privacy, right? BB: Of course. Isn't the real reason you're with Tiger because Roger Federer is married and you can't have him?

Vonn: How did that get out? Tiger wasn't supposed to know that he was my backup in case things didn't work out with Roger. Unfortunately, Roger is devoted to his wife and daughters and he won't leave his wife for me. But Tiger is a good enough substitute because he is also a famous athlete.

BB: You have to remember that the Blickbild has the world's most intrepid research team. We know everything.

Vonn: Please don't tell Tiger that he was my second choice and that Roger was my first.

BB: We don't have to. You just did. (pause) You recently filed a lawsuit against the country of Slovenia. How is that proceeding? Any word on whether it has been ruled valid?

Vonn: I don't know. Daddy is my lawyer and he is handling all of the legal stuff so I can concentrate on rehab for my knee. I want to be ready to race in Lake Lindsey this season. But Daddy is a very good lawyer and he will take care of all of that legal stuff so I can concentrate on skiing and winning another Olympic gold medal.

BB: When do you think you will get a ruling?Vonn: Hopefully during the off-season so that I have another reason to stay in the public eye. (short pause) Hey, aren't you going to ask me where Slovenia is? BB: No. I wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself. Vonn: I know exactly where it is because I have competed in Maribor many times. I'm prepared for your trick questions. (pulls out a pocket map of the world). It's right here. (points to Sri Lanka)BB: That's Sri Lanka and not Slovenia. You don't even have the right continent. Slovenia is in Europe and Sri Lanka is in Asia.Vonn: It's very easy to mix them up. They both start with S, end with A, and have eight letters. BB: You have a point there. (short pause) You mentioned in a recent interview on Austrian TV that you are bored. How can you possibly be bored when you have a new boyfriend and are going to the gym to rehab your knee?Vonn: Being with Tiger is great, but it still doesn't compare to being on the top step of a World Cup race podium. I go to the gym, but have to do the same exercises for my knee. Yawn! I spend most of my time watching "Law and Order" and "Game of Thrones." I have seen every "Law and Order" episode ever made, including all of the spinoffs. I am also an avid watcher of "Wheel of Fortune," "Malcolm in the Middle" reruns, "Wife Swap," "Extreme Makeover," "Dancing With The Stars," and "Two and a Half Men." I tried watching "Big Bang Theory," but I couldn't understand a lot of what the characters were saying. I also can't watch ski racing on TV because it makes me depressed. Other than watching TV, there is nothing to do. BB: The Blickbild has decided to help solve your boredom problem. As everyone knows, teenagers are always complaining about being bored. We sent some of our intrepid reporters to high schools around the US to ask teenagers how they deal with boredom. Would you like to hear what they had to say?Vonn: Yes. Oh, did I mention that Maria Sharipova sent me a tweet and Roger sent me flowers? But after a few minutes I got bored again. BB: Several of the high school students said to read a good book. If you get absorbed in a story, then time goes by very quickly.Vonn: That sounds good, but what happens when I finish the book?BB: You can read another one. Other students suggested getting a boyfriend and spending time with him. But you already have a new boyfriend.Vonn: Do you know how boring it was on Tiger's yacht? The only thing I could see was water and more water. BB: Another suggestion from the students was to take a class at a local community college. Vonn:What would I possibly learn? BB: Well there is that new language requirement that will be in effect next season. (see this story). You could learn one of the required Latin-based languages and either a Slavic or Scandinavian one. You would be one step ahead of the competition. Vonn: I already am one step ahead of the competition, even with my bum knee. That's why I want to race against men. The women are so boring.BB: Or you and the rest of your family could take a geography class. Vonn: That also sounds boring. What else did the teens suggest?BB: Doing volunteer work. You could find an organization that you like and volunteer there. Places like libraries, schools, hospitals, and homeless shelters are always looking for volunteers. Vonn: That sounds boring too. Anyway, I don't want to go near another hospital. BB: A few of the teens suggested taking up knitting or crocheting. That really helps to pass the time. Vonn: And what would I do when I finished knitting a sweater? I'd have to knit something else or I would just get bored again. BB: One popular suggestion was to get a hobby. Maybe taking up painting, playing an instrument, gardening, playing video games, surfing the Internet, studying the Bible, collecting stamps or coins, or photography. Vonn: None of those things sound very interesting. BB: We are now out of good suggestions. What are your interests?Vonn: Winning ski races, setting records, establishing a legacy, giving interviews, and being famous. I also like going to different celebrity functions. BB: One day you will have to retire from ski racing. You will also lose your looks as you get older. Don't you think it's a good idea to find something to do that will help you in the future?Vonn: I don't want to think about my future. It's too depressing to imagine a life away from winning races and the red carpet. Anyway, I plan to continue racing forever, so I don't have to worry about retirement. Tiger and I will get married and have kids. I will teach our kids to ski and be real winners. BB: I see. Well, it looks like our time has come to an end. As always, you have been a very interesting interview subject. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.
The Boston Blickbild. Our motto is: I'm bored.

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