Op-Ed: New Zealand dog drivers — Kiwi logic can get bumpy

Sydney
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As any Aussie can tell you, New Zealanders do things a bit differently. The new social gear shift is to teach dogs to drive cars so people will realize how intelligent they are, and adopt more dogs. To drive more cars.

DJ’s John Thomas Didymus has a video article which explains how they were taught.

The dogs, a schnauzer, a whippet cross and a beardie (terrier) cross seem to be doing pretty well. They’re trained on a doggie version of a gear stick, then a doggie go cart, then a real car.

The dogs seem to enjoy it. They’re bribed liberally with treats, and if one of the trainers nearly got run over, and another problem was encountered when one of the cars was driving too fast, the program seems to be working.

Of course, Kiwi logic always has a few imponderables. After more research, a few logical developments may be expected:

If dogs can drive so well, why don’t people?

Dogs are social animals. What if packs of Hyundais and Mack trucks take to the roads?

If Fido-kind drives the kids to school or does the shopping, shouldn’t they also learn to use credit cards to buy gas?

If dogs can drive cars, who needs people driving cars and other vehicles for a living?

If people have accidents with their cars, they’ll now have to explain to the dog why they can’t drive the car, and figure out why they had an accident and the dog didn’t.

Onboard systems will allow dogs to communicate much more efficiently with each other. Doggie Bluetooth and Doggie tablets will make traffic a lot more interesting.

If greyhounds learn to drive, Formula One is in big trouble. Bear in mind how fast these dogs can go without a car.

Car insurance will now have to include theft of flea collars and microchipping cars.

The Kiwis also haven’t got around to putting a water bowl and biscuits in each parking space, (major infrastructure changes take a while, after all) but they’re working on it- They have undercover deer working as parking inspectors, too, in case the dogs try to take advantage of the situation.

The Land of the Long White Vowel really is a place of innovation. There are now rumours of cats flying Airbuses and pigeons sailing container ships. Well, they’re not really rumours….

We’re just glad of anything which distracts the Kiwis from rugby. It has to be a positive for us.

The other problem is that now all our dogs will want their own cars. Should improve road safety, drastically, but what about the parking? Should we have barking parking, or parking marking?

This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of DigitalJournal.com