Once again we were back in the Why Hasn’t Any Corporation Slapped A Product Placement Name On This Yet Crystal Ballroom. Last night was Guilty Pleasures Night and I do have to give a serious thumbs up to the booking people at ABC. It was pure genius to bring back a grown up HANSON and have them play snippets from bad songs we hate to love at each of the breaks. I wonder how much pride they had to swallow to accept this gig ? Oh and just in case you didn’t know, HANSON has a new album coming out next week. Previous question now answered.

My wife loved Brooke Burke’s shimmery purple sheath last night though she had hoped that it would be short in length. Come to think of it, Brooke tends to go with the formal evening gown length for the performance on Mondays and then goes for a short cocktail dress for the results shows on Tuesday. My wife was non-committal about her hair.

Tom Bergeron wore a suit. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Kirstie Alley – This week Kirstie took on the Maks role and jumped through the air onto the dance floor while tearing off her shirt. No. That didn’t really happen. This is still, for the most part, a family show. Kirstie was dancing a samba tonight and if she could keep up her stamina, it looked to be a good fit for her. She did and it was. Good scores from the judges and the front runner is still safe. As a side note, Maks was clean shaven for the first time all year. Not sure what signal he was trying to send. One other side note, Melissa Gilbert in Kirtsie’s cheering section. Could “Half Pint” be the next nostalgic middle aged we loved her as a kid actress choice next season ?

Romeo – I am still somewhat perplexed as to who is Romeo and why he even begins to classify a “Star” so I went to Wikipedia. It seems that Romeo had to back out of Season 2 back in 2006 when he actually was recording rap albums and having a minor feud with L’il Bow Wow because of an injury so this is his “mulligan” per se. Doesn’t really matter that he hasn’t done anything in the past 3 years because we all know that time means nothing on DWTS. What does matter is the dancing and Romeo styled & profiled around the floor with his partner to the first 10 of the season. I didn’t see the magic but suddenly Romeo is looking like a real challenger, at least from the dancing side of the equation. As a side note, I wonder what Chelsie thought of her kiss from Romeo at the end ?

Chelsea Kane – I won’t take ownership of this line about Chelsea Kane but it was sent to me last week and I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read it – “Chelsea Kane has the best porn star name for a non porn star that you wish was really a porn star”. Not only is it humorous but it sheds some light onto the viewing & voting public. There are a great deal of young men who won’t admit to watching who are watching Chelsea Kane. She & her partner, Mark Ballas, put on a very acceptable quickstep that was only noteworthy for the twist of Mark’s ankle earlier in the day that almost sidelined them. Chelsea has the moves & the partner to win it and now she may have the unknown silent voting bloc behind her in addition to playing for the hometown team, Disney.

Chris Jericho – Last week Chris climbed to the top rope and landed his finishing move perfectly. This week Chris climbed back up and in mid-air realized the judges weren’t fooled and were waiting for him. While technically he looked good, there was no fire. There was no Jericho. There was no Y2J. In an earlier week of the show he would have been able to skate on this one but it’s not earlier in the show and Chris is now seriously in trouble. He has the looks and the demeanor but he doesn’t have the cult following watching & voting for him. He has to have better dance scores to make up for his lack of fan support. And he didn’t get that this week.

Kendra Wilkinson – It was only a matter of time before Louis gave up on trying to get Kendra to develop into a graceful & elegant ballroom dancer. The samba gave him not only the dance for her to shine but also the costume. Fringe on a dancers costume is meant to be there to catch your eye. It’s supposed to distract. It’s movement should be mesmerizing. Kendra’s fringe didn’t exactly move until she started shaking what the Good Lord told the doctor to give her. By then she was strategically placed above Len (and his iPhone) and next to money waving Bruno. The shake at the end reminded me of the final power note that each American Idol singer belts out to try and get you to forget how horrendous the rest of their performance was. Hef & the Bunnies in the Grotto were still going to have to dig deep to get Kendra the votes but if she doesn’t go this week then she has to go next week because there are no more tricks left in that bag.

Hines Ward – Who is picking his dances ? Two weeks in a row he gets to strut & pose his way to triple 9’s. There are still dances he needs to do that will require more footwork than beating a defensive back to the seam in nickel package and I am not sure if Hines can handle those. I did hear that Steeler Nation is exploding his Facebook page each week and we do know that historically NFL players do well. He’s safe for another week.

Ralph Macchio – Last week he was a City Slicker and this week he unveiled the scary face for his paso doble. He even reached back into vault for “Wax On Wax Off” – so anyone who had week 5 in the “How soon does Daniel-San break out a Karate Kid move” in the pool can collect their winnings. It didn’t start out great and then before you knew it, Karina was sprawled out on the floor like she was posing for Playboy (which she recently did). Ralph jumped up – they figured out where they were in the dance and actually got a little better. Now I’m not saying that there is some “homerism” amongst the judges but they know as well as we do that the suits at ABC want Kirstie & Ralph in the finals so their scores & comments reflected the same. Ralph is safe in a week when any other “star” of lesser value would have been sent home.

So who goes home ? We all want Kendra to go home but she shimmied her way into a cushion between herself & Chris Jericho. She needs fan support and will have to hope that Team Playboy doesn’t split their limited votes between her and their newest addition, Karina, and by association, Ralph. Jericho is decidedly on the bottom and in my opinion, does not have the fan base to pull him through. It may be time to say goodbye to Y2J.

And in closing, my eyes still hurt from the final screen shot of Bruno in the Elton John video. They do that to us viewers every year and that just isn’t right. They know they shouldn’t do it but they do it anyway.

So come back next time when we discuss whether Kendra Wilkinson is really Bristol Palin in disguise

One response to “Dancing With The Stars – Week 5”

Still, have not watched the show…no need to. You bring it all to life…only thing missing is the music! If the judges read your post, I think you would
get all tens!
If all the people that Hef ever had sex with vote for Kendra…she will be there in all her sequined glory for awhile.