Taking a Gamble on Finding Happiness…

My Bucket List

I went out for a day out on the town with my mom today. I don’t do that near enough, partly because I don’t have a car and she wont ride the bus with me, but I had my sister’s car today and so we went to eat pizza and watch Me Before You. Without spoiling anything, one of the characters mentioned a bucket list. I have a small obsession with making my bucket list. I have never really written it down. I just keep it in a little page in my mind. Today, though, I decided that is a terrible idea, mostly because my mind is basically a bowl of smashed potatoes and my memories are the fork marks overlapping each other and disappearing into the chaos. So I thought maybe I should make a bucket list. I’m not sure if I could even begin to cover all of the things that I would like to accomplish before I kick the bucket, so I may randomly add to it in a blog called My Bucket List Part 2, or My Bucket List Part 3, or 4 or 5. My point is, I reserve the right to rewrite this list as often as possible. Just as a starting point, here are some of the things I have on my list. I would say in no particular order, but I would like the first few to be in this particular order.

Win the Mega Millions (preferably this evening) so I can do all of the following and help people. I will be sure to give all of you a little piece. I’m pretty certain I know which 32 people are reading this faithfully. Thanks for that 😉

Laser Hair Removal (all over) because today I went to the grocery store and as I was walking around I realized that I was wearing shorts and I couldn’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. I was so terrified to look down I almost didn’t, but luckily, I must have recently or else my leg hair miraculously turned translucent. Also, laser hair removal because… chin hair.

Dinner with Kymani Marley (I refuse to give up on this dream).

Radio show hostess, preferably syndicated, because I think my fear of public speaking would be a non issue if people weren’t looking at me. I could be funny and invisible at the same time. I think the FCC would have to lighten its language rules before I could have my own show or maybe I would have to find a world that is as favorable to me as fuck. What? It could totally happen.

Travel… I don’t even know where to begin with this. There are so many places I want to see. I would start with the “lands.” Iceland, Greenland, Ireland, Poland, Scotland, England and then make my way to Italy, France, Africa, and all parts of the Caribbean. And of course, I want to visit the big landmarks in all of our 50 States. I feel like I may not live long enough to see everything.

Ride a horse and not just on a little guided tour. I want to really ride a horse, jeans, cowboy boots, hat and all. I know it seems silly, but I love horses. I love everything about them. I love how beautiful they are. I love their piercing eyes and I love the way they smell. I want to ride until my ass hurts and the horse looks at me like, “are we done yet?”

I want to sail out into the middle of the ocean. Not on a cruise ship either. On a sailboat or some other smaller than a cruise ship vessel.

I want to take dance lessons- salsa, swing, ballroom. If it has music, I want to be able to dance to it.

I want to learn to paint, play the piano, take beautiful photos, & decorate cakes.

And more than anything, I want to write about doing all those things.

Like I said, I’m sure there are many more things to add to this list and I will from this day forward keep the list in my notepad and add to it as I find new things that I want to do before I take my last breath.

Speaking of my notepad. I know I have mentioned her sketchy contents a time or two. I use my notepad a lot. Whenever a random thought pops into my head, I write it down, just in case I have some sort of writer’s block and can’t figure out what to blog about. I figure it will come in handy one day. The problem with the notes, though, is that sometimes I write things and forget what the hell I meant or where I was going with it, so I thought I would drop a few examples below. It may hit me one day what I wanted to write about that so if it pops up again, you’ll know that one night I sat upright in my bed and started furiously writing because the whole train of thought came chugging back to me at the witching hour.

Poets not Warriors (I think I know where this one was going…stay tuned).

I’m Like a Suicidal Tightrope Walker (don’t know what I was thinking but I’m fond of this idea).

The Things I won’t do for love or money, I’d probably do for really great sex (hmmm?)

I might be a groupie (Ha! That’s self explanatory).

Who the fuck is Carrie Bradshaw?

Maybe I like shady men because they have no room to judge my poor life choices

I fell in love and then left it to rot like an apple with one bite taken out

I wonder if The Tomato Head would give me a date booth with a camera so I could show people what the fuck I’m dealing with (obviously this was pre-Derek).

How can I miss something that was so wrong for me?

I am an item of contention among mediocre relationships

I sleep with my laptop as if it were my lover

She’s had so many dicks in her the condom factory is jealous (my personal favorite and I have no idea what I was thinking about at this moment).

The previous bullets are why I say that if I ever lose my phone, I hope whoever finds it and is unable to unlock it will delete all my notes before they recover my body wherever it is. And those were just a few I had in my Gmail notes. I still have 154 other notes in my iCloud notes that are much stranger than the above. I think maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be able to wander the streets alone with just my thoughts and my phone. Then again, how else will I entertain myself if not with thoughts of my impending death and all the things I want to do before that day and, of course, with small pieces of my psychosis peppered in just for the hell of it?