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Author
Topic: Regarding my last post (Read 2670 times)

First off, to clarify the confusion, I'm not a black woman! I'm a young gay man!

Although, I'm not of an Afrocentric ethnicity, nigger does offend me, Ann. I know "promiscuous faggot crystal meth junkies" is offensive as well, but I was using it specifically to reflect on how many people still hold an ignorant stance about those infected with HIV/AIDS. I was stating how it seems, to me, that HIV will always be considered a gay illness, regardless of the many factors attempting to prove otherwise, including the statistics reporting the rising high rates of heterosexual black women being infected. There was absolutely NO intent on "gay-bashing" my fellow homosexuals! That wouldn't make any logical sense for me to do such a repulsive thing!

I was severely drunk when I responded, so some things I wrote weren't clarified properly, in respect to their intent and punctuality, and was misconceived as being blatantly homophobic. Overall, I was responding to the feedback and certain points being brought up by other members. I was not just blindly throwing homophobic statements around. They were responses, sometimes heated and inappropriate, directed specifically in junction to some statements made by others. I do apologize for my obscene intoxicated demeanor, and inquiries of hopelessness, in regard to an end to the stigma, but not for my frustration!

Yes, Ann. I do believe that people whom acknowledge that they're HIV positive, yet despite that, continue having unprotected sex without telling their partners about their status, or by lying that they don't have HIV, that those people do deserve a bullet in their brains. That would equal less infections in the future! I do also believe that men/women who whore around and get fucked by tons of people condom-less, and without confirming first if their infinite one time hook-ups don't carry the virus; they also deserve a bullet in their brain for being so undeniably wreck-less and care-free of any repercussions resulting in such vile behavior! My statement regarding this topic is highly inappropriate and vulgar! I'm sorry if you take offense to this, but that how I honestly feel, at this point in time in my life. This statement isn't directed at those who were clueless of their HIV positive status at the time of giving it to others.

Personally, I find that being engaged in an established long-term monogamous relationship with ones' true love is a different scenario. I wasn't a high risk individual, neither was my fiance initially, and we were in a committed loving relationship. I was tested negative for HIV before the beginning of our relationship. My partner was a virgin when we first met, so I had no preconceived notion that he might possibly have had HIV. I didn't anticipate or suspect that he was going to cheat on me, or I would have never made love with him bareback, and I would've left him promptly like I did when I found out he cheated.

My role in claiming the term "aged queens" was merely shade, not gay bashing! I meant to write "aged queens and/or(not aka) other long time survivors" (referring to only those who wouldn't cease in telling me something I'd already known and accepted). I didn't mean to impose that everyone who bombarded me with the "it's your fault" regimen was gay. Again, I was extremely intoxicated when I wrote it, and therefore, misleading in my original intent due to my failure to proof read what I wrote. I apologize for the name calling, regardless, as well.

However, I was looking for answers that would assist me in my decision to whether or not legally prosecute my ex for knowingly infecting me with HIV. I was not seeking lectures on how I'm partially responsible for getting infected! If that would've been the case, I would have specifically posted such a question! For those members who didn't get the memo: I didn't pose that question because I'd acknowledged my participation in acquiring HIV from day one!

The sky is blue, and I know that! We all know that! I can see that the sky is blue EVERYDAY! I don't need constant reflection from others on how the sky is blue! It's common sense! I justify my outburst, though not my choice of words, because many who had responded felt the need to relentlessly tell me that the sky is blue! Knowing that the sky is blue doesn't change the fact that I was viciously betrayed, and was, at one time, hoping to achieve possible justice. It was very annoying because it's something I'd already known and accepted long ago! Seeking justice doesn't conclude that I don't accept or acknowledge that the sky is blue. Therefore, there was no need for others to constantly state the obvious! The frustration I presented, when I wrote "..shut the fuck up!" was derived from my own intolerance, as well as the alcohol. It's NOT from non-existent issues of denial regarding the role I played in my own HIV status, Ann. I was merely feed-up with the situation at hand!

My limit was crossed when adhering to unnecessary repetitive statements!

Yes, I have issues that still aren't resolved, but having egg thrown in my face constantly after laying them long ago doesn't help my situation.

I don't have a support system outside the internet, so when I'd finally discovered an outlet(this site), just to find that I was going to be scolded by facts which I'd already achieved in knowing and accepting by myself; I lashed out!

I'd just hoped for patience, understanding, and possibly some guidance (not statements of the obvious!) in this fucked up journey I'm stuck with!

I'm sincerely sorry if anyone took offense to what I wrote, and for what was misinterpreted due to my intoxicated state of mind. I'm just tired and worn down from it all.

Yes, Ann. I do believe that people whom acknowledge that they're HIV positive, yet despite that, continue having unprotected sex without telling their partners about their status, or by lying that they don't have HIV, that those people do deserve a bullet in their brains. That would equal less infections in the future! I do also believe that men/women who whore around and get fucked by tons of people condom-less, and without confirming first if their infinite one time hook-ups don't carry the virus; they also deserve a bullet in their brain for being so undeniably wreck-less and care-free of any repercussions resulting in such vile behavior! My statement regarding this topic is highly inappropriate and vulgar! I'm sorry if you take offense to this, but that how I honestly feel, at this point in time in my life. This statement isn't directed at those who were clueless of their HIV positive status at the time of giving it to others.

The belief that HIV positive folk knowingly put others at risk is false and from what you've shared your boyfriend had no knowledge he was positive. He's the one who cheated on you, so in essence your issue is with him-- a person who thought he was negative.

Regardless it does not warrant a bullet to the brain. To come to a support forum full of well informed, knowledgeable people and making statements like this is counter productive because it's we that have been screaming the message out for years that condoms work, and that it's your responsibility to remain negative.

But like so many, myself included..... you came here and got the message late. It's a sorta slap upside the head moment, ain't it?

The belief that HIV positive folk knowingly put others at risk is false and from what you've shared your boyfriend had no knowledge he was positive. He's the one who cheated on you, so in essence your issue is with him-- a person who thought he was negative.

Regardless it does not warrant a bullet to the brain. To come to a support forum full of well informed, knowledgeable people and making statements like this is counter productive because it's we that have been screaming the message out for years that condoms work, and that it's your responsibility to remain negative.

But like so many, myself included..... you came here and got the message late. It's a sorta slap upside the head moment, ain't it?

That excerpt was regarding when Ann had asked me, in my previous post, if that's how I really felt about people who know they're poz, yet continue to infect others without informing them first. I'm not implying everyone with HIV does this. It's how I feel about the few people that do. In my previous thread, which she'd blocked for appropriate reasoning, I'd also disclosed my suspicions as to why I believe my ex knew he was poz before giving it to me, without informing me. I don't reveal that on this thread.

I agree that such statements probably are counter-productive, but it's just my personal opinion. I should have kept that one to myself, sorry

It's not really a slap upside the head for me, anymore. It was shortly after I was diagnosed, though! I'd overcome that feeling a while ago, and had accepted my fault, and learned from the experience greatly!

Tiger, I appreciate your apology concerning the offensive language you used yesterday. Thank you. I hope you will think twice next time before posting when you're drunk.

You want advice specifically about pressing charges and all I can do is reiterate what I said earlier on in your other thread:

Criminalisation of hiv transmission only furthers the stigma we face and makes it less likely that people will willingly disclose their hiv status for fear of being prosecuted. Criminalisation of hiv also makes it less likely that people will get tested for hiv. Criminalisation of hiv sucks and it only makes things worse for all of us, not better.

You're going to have a difficult time two years down the line proving that he infected you. You're going to face cross-examination that will put your sex life under a microscope - it's not going to be pleasant and will only make you even more miserable than you are now. Do you really want to put yourself through that?

I can understand your anger, I really can, but I cannot understand your willingness to take action that furthers the stigma we face. Please don't do it, for your sake and for the sake of every other person living with this virus.

I think you'll find that most of us here are against prosecuting the people from whom we acquired our virus. I think that most of us here are also against retribution of any sort. There is no act that will reverse our hiv status and it's just a fact of life that we need to come to grips with.

You are most certainly entitled to your opinion, but you also need to understand that everyone here is also entitled to their opinions and entitled to disagree with you - so long as it is done with respect and without name-calling or other personal attacks. (take heed, people!)

I sincerely hope - for your sake, not so much ours - that you are able, with the help of a therapist, to work through your anger and come out the other side without hurting yourself or anyone else. The main person your anger is hurting is YOU.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Then maybe it is time to stop the anger and explore your real issues. Anger, is like an acid, that does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored, than to anything over which it is poured. As much as I can empathize with your anger, for very valid reasons, I fear that anger has blinded you to your other issues. I read your other thread, which prompted this apology and all I can read in your words is how angry you are, that you were betrayed by your lover and infected with HIV. I cannot say I fully understand your emotions, because I have never experienced that type of betrayal, however, I have experienced unbridled anger and nothing good ever comes from such vehemence.

I offer this, because I believe you are using your anger, at your ex, as a way of deflecting some of the issues that you now face. I say this, because I was betrayed by an ex, who chose to abuse me, rather than love me. At first, it seemed easy to hate him for what he had done to me and to "us", because I was a victim of abuse and surely I had done nothing to warrant such abuse. It was so easy for me to justify my indignation at what had happened and to lay the entire blame, solely at his feet. When in fact, the blame was jointly shared. Yes, he chose to abuse me, however, I also allowed it to happen.

My point here is that it sometimes becomes easy to fall into the victim psyche, for whatever reason(s) and initially it represents a healthy way of seeing things, because we need to protect ourselves, often from ourselves. However, there comes a time when you must seek the truth, about what happened and whatever role you played in becoming poz and forgive yourself. This is not about right or wrong, good or bad, it is about you and how you feel and react to being poz. Hating your ex does nothing to heal you, nor will it remove your infection. Loathing him, will not force him to speak, whatever words you want him to say and the sooner you can accept that fact, the sooner you will begin to heal.

This is not really about him so much, as it is about you and I hope you can find the answers you so desperately seek. All I can offer is my personal experience, that hatred never solved anything. It might make you happy in the short term, however that happiness is fleeting. From my experience I have learned that honesty makes me happy, because then I can really see my own issues and address those, as opposed to ceding control, to someone else, over whom I have absolutely no power. Nor do I need that power, to feel good about me, because how I feel about myself is totally within my control and that is all that ever matters.

For me, it's not so much of what I feel, as what I know is true and what I believe. Perception provides clarity and my hope is that eventually, you will regain yours.

You're going to have a difficult time two years down the line proving that he infected you. You're going to face cross-examination that will put your sex life under a microscope - it's not going to be pleasant and will only make you even more miserable than you are now. Do you really want to put yourself through that?

Having successfully pursued this in a civil suit, I can affirm what Ann has asserted here---but it's entirely possible an attorney worth his or her salt, might determine you can't establish he intentionally infected you. Your life might be media-riddled and miserable if a DA or PA were to determine the case has criminal merit in whatever state in which you reside.

There is, in my opinion, a percentage of sociopaths who do knowingly, or intentionally, infect others, and deserve to meet the legal system for their actions---but the number is small, the burden of proof significant and the journey, absolutely grueling. Turns out my perp infected, at least, two more since me and one is trying to establish if it has criminal grounds. This bona fide sociopathic fucker needs to be placed in jail -- truly, for the sake of others. This is the kind of person who should inspire fear, condom use and testing as he's evidently bi-sexual to top it all off. Those of us who know of him wonder how many lives he's touched in this way and is continuing to touch.

And, yes, as Ann asserted many on the forum are against prosecution of any sort, but there are cases, in my opinion, that merit prosecution. If you determine, and believe with all your heart, that your former is mentally diseased and intentionally infecting others, then perhaps you'll have a case and get the requisite greenlights. First, however, notify your State Health Department representative who covers/tracks these sorts of folks--again IF he meets the criteria.

Oh, one other thing. Have you seen a counselor for your own mental health? It's a great idea to address the anger component--no matter how you got infected--it's a head banger.

That excerpt was regarding when Ann had asked me, in my previous post, if that's how I really felt about people who know they're poz, yet continue to infect others without informing them first. I'm not implying everyone with HIV does this. It's how I feel about the few people that do.

When I replied earlier I somehow missed this part of your post. I've seen your situation here many times where trust of a relationship has been broken in a terrible way, thus resulting in infection. I agree with your line of thinking in a way, if two people commit to each other and have previously tested negative together they should be able to enjoy sex without protection.....

But the fact remains, it's still our choice who we put our trust in.....

and as you found out, and may I add your situation is way different than mine, putting our trust in others can lead to being hurt in a most devious way.

Just gonna add, criminal cases are public law, held in the public interest not yours, and tried in public. The investigation of you beforehand will be wide-ranging, because facts must be cast-iron in front of the bench, which means many people you know may be spoken to, and your HIV-positive status no longer your own but declared to the world, including the part of the world you count as friends, family, home and security. This will be true even if prosecutors decide not to take the case to court. As complainant you will be as much on trial as the defendant, even if this seems unfair. If the press make a meal of it, it will be hard to keep your name out the papers and, importantly, off the internet, so you must decide if you are to go ahead if you want THAT STORY to come up on Google against your name forever.

I didn't follow your previous thread, so I'm not sure about all the details of this. Like many here, I do not like the criminalization of HIV. Having said that, I often ask myself what should be done with people who know they are poz and have unprotected sex and not disclose that fact. I still don't know the answer to that. I go back and forth on the issue. I will go through a period where I think criminalizing HIV is bad. Then, I will think how is it different from hurting or killing someone by drinking and driving. If the person hurt or killed wasn't wearing a seat belt, most wouldn't say they share half the blame and need to just move on. Most would say the drunk driver deserves all the blame regardless. And, that person would most likely be prosecuted or at least sued for pain and suffering, current and future medical treatment, etc.

This is an issue I deal with in my own infection. But, it would get so messy and there is the issue with criminalizing HIV. But, should someone who knew they were poz and put your health at risk face NO repercussions? I haven't made up my mind on the issue. If you know your partner knew his status and put you at risk, then you'll have to decide whether it is worth it and the right thing to do. I would be more inclined to do something, if I knew the person was continuing to put others at risk and it wasn't just an isolated error in judgement. But, back to the drunk driving scenario... Many a good person has gotten behind the wheel and made a huge mistake. Most wouldn't say that was just a one time error in judgment. Well, I take that back. I think many do form their opinions on whether the person had been arrested for drinking and driving before.

Criminalisation of hiv transmission only furthers the stigma we face and makes it less likely that people will willingly disclose their hiv status for fear of being prosecuted. Criminalisation of hiv also makes it less likely that people will get tested for hiv. Criminalisation of hiv sucks and it only makes things worse for all of us, not better.

I can understand your anger, I really can, but I cannot understand your willingness to take action that furthers the stigma we face. Please don't do it, for your sake and for the sake of every other person living with this virus.

I went back and read the entire chaos that led to this latest rant. Why are you still bothering to ask us opinions since you appear to KNOW the right answers. Are you simply looking for those who disagree so that you can berate them and use them as a proxy for your anger?

You have our answers now do whatever you need to do!

Logged

Complacency is the enemy. Challenge yourself daily for maximum return on investment.