What His Body Language Is Saying

Decode what he's trying to tell you

Research shows that 70 to 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. Find out what your date is really telling you.

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How to Become a Human Lie Detector

How to Become a Human Lie Detector

Body language is a reflex: Research shows that whatever we're feeling first shows up in our brain's limbic system, before showing up nanoseconds later in our conscious minds. But since so many gestures have multiple meanings, even the most highly trained experts only have around a 60 percent success rate of figuring out what physical responses mean.

So what are your chances of reading body language on an average date, especially once you factor in low lighting, two drinks, and maybe some Botox? And remember your own body language: The time spent changing outfits or planning what you are going to say next would be much better spent making your date comfortable enough to establish a "baseline."

To be a human lie detector, you have to establish a baseline or find out what is "normal" behavior for the person in question—so that you can tell when something is off. Getting to the baseline can take as little as three minutes. Ask your date an easy question like what he wanted to be when he grew up or his greatest passion. Once he’s relaxed, observe the four C's—comfort, context, consistency, and clusters.

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What's His Comfort Level?

What's His Comfort Level?

Comfort: According to former FBI agent and body language expert Joe Navarro, we have to first ask ourselves a very basic question: Is his overall body language comfortable (leaning toward you, torso and feet pointed in your direction with a comfortable amount of eye contact) or uncomfortable (facing away from you, hands hidden, either staring at you or constantly breaking eye contact)?

How to Become a Human Lie Detector

Body language is a reflex: Research shows that whatever we're feeling first shows up in our brain's limbic system, before showing up nanoseconds later in our conscious minds. But since so many gestures have multiple meanings, even the most highly trained experts only have around a 60 percent success rate of figuring out what physical responses mean.

So what are your chances of reading body language on an average date, especially once you factor in low lighting, two drinks, and maybe some Botox? And remember your own body language: The time spent changing outfits or planning what you are going to say next would be much better spent making your date comfortable enough to establish a "baseline."

To be a human lie detector, you have to establish a baseline or find out what is "normal" behavior for the person in question—so that you can tell when something is off. Getting to the baseline can take as little as three minutes. Ask your date an easy question like what he wanted to be when he grew up or his greatest passion. Once he’s relaxed, observe the four C's—comfort, context, consistency, and clusters.

Getty Images

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What's His Comfort Level?

Comfort: According to former FBI agent and body language expert Joe Navarro, we have to first ask ourselves a very basic question: Is his overall body language comfortable (leaning toward you, torso and feet pointed in your direction with a comfortable amount of eye contact) or uncomfortable (facing away from you, hands hidden, either staring at you or constantly breaking eye contact)?

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What His Posture Says

Context: Fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, and sweating profusely would normally be bad body language—but on a first date, nervousness can make perfect sense. Leaning back with his arms crossed in front of him could mean that your date isn't into you—unless you are sitting at a chilly outdoor café and he's cold. Before you can interpret the gesture, you have to figure out the context.

Consistency: His actions should match his words, so watch for verbal and nonverbal consistency. Telling you that he's having a great time while leaning back and looking toward the door or saying "yes" while shaking his head are bad signs.

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Is His Smile Real?

Clusters: Most behavior hot spots happen in clusters. Avoiding a question about his ex may not be significant, but if he suddenly touches his knee, looks away, and grabs his neck all at the same time after you ask him if he's separated, watch out!

Smile: Does his smile reach his eyes? A faux-happy smile ends at the lips, while a genuine one will make the corners of his eyes crinkle into crow's feet, which, according to experts, is one of the hardest things to fake.

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The Nose Knows

Torso: As anyone who has ever tried to crash a cocktail party circle can tell you, people naturally lean in the direction of their interest. If he's twisted away, he may be talking to you but he's focused on something else.

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Follow his feet

Feet: People say that the eyes are the window into the soul, but behavior experts swear that you can gauge a man's interest much better based on his feet. A body points toward where it wants to be going—so if his feet face you, he's all yours. But if they are angled toward the door, he's mentally on his way out.

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Hands down (or up)

Hands: Palms up on the table is a sign of relaxed, open interest—but hidden under the table are a sign of discomfort. Either he's hiding something, or very nervous.

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On the Chin

Chin: People often stroke their chin during the decision-making process, so he's probably pondering something.

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Cuddle Up

Arms: We naturally reach toward things we like, so an arm around you or a hand touching you are very good signs, while arms clasped behind the back signal, "Don't come any closer."

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He's Got Legs...

Legs: If his legs are splayed out, he's confident and trying to claim his territory. If they are crossed, notice which leg is on top: a leading leg pointing toward you means he's trying to get closer, but legs crossed the other way are a subconscious play for space.