THE REAL CHARLES FISCHER: Yes, as Charles has made clear to all of us — as you can plainly see from this photo of himself at home — the FishDuck years have been hard on him (at least he aged the right color). Yet he still parades around that 2012 pre-FishDuck “glamour shot” all over the website, which is pretty damn weird. Anyway, as Mr FishDuck’s age increases, his predictions for Duck victories decreases.

Since the the force always finds balance, the smart money would say eight. And after last season, we could probably all live with that.

So, now we turn it over to YOU — the readers. In the comments section below please tell us your predictions for the 2017 regular season.

But of course, before handing it over to you I must meander on a bit more. Afterall, it’s my job to come up with at least 500 words, so here it goes …

2017 Regular Season Win Guide (with grades)

12 Wins: In one of the greatest turnarounds in college football history, Willie “the next Nick Saban” Taggart victoriously rides off Rich Brooks field upon his players shoulders after destroying the Beavers in the Civil War, and then … we … all … wake … up. With a large puddle of drool on our pillows. It won’t happen. But if it did: GRADE A++

11: Would take the ten wins predicted by Perkins plus an upset at Stanford or Washington, whom he predicted they would lose to. The odds would say against Stanford. GRADE A+

10: What that moron Perkins predicted, which means it’ll never happen, but if it did, what a frickin’ genius! Could lead to him acquiring his first FishDuck.com groupie … yet still 23,642.5 (please don’t ask about the .5) behind Charles. GRADE A

9: If the Ducks do what they’re capable of and win all the games they “should” as predicted by multiple college football outlets, which would make things kinda’ boring, really. But we’ll take boring over bad any day. GRADE B+

8: The 2016 frown that was 4-8 is turned upside down to 8-4. The Ducks play as they would in a nine-win season with losses to UW, Stanford, and UCLA, then have a down week against, gulp, the likes of a red-hot Luke Falk and the Cougs. Ugh. Gross. Puke. GRADE B

6: Charles’ prediction, which is understandable due to the change in schemes on both offense and defense. But, six only gets a pass in Perkins’ book if there are significant injuries — such as Herbert getting carried off on a stretcher against Nebraska. If not, some might wonder if Taggart was the right hire, but look for bright spots and improvement in key areas while holding tight for a year-two turnaround. GRADE C–

5 or less: We all sign a large card of apology to Mark Helfrich with an $11.6 million gift card slipped inside … oh wait he’s already getting that. GRADE: F. F as in Firewillie.com.

Now it’s Up to You …

Again, feel free to make your predictions down below in the comments.

But before you do, think about this: Last season the Ducks went 4-8, but just a play or two here and there against Nebraska, Colorado, and Cal — and if they had actually shown up against a really bad Beaver team — then they go 8-4. Kinda’ scary, huh?

So, what does this mean?

Nothing, I’m just trying to make you overthink things and mess with your head as to put the kibosh on your predictions.

You’re welcome!

Darren Perkins Spokane, WA

Top Photo by John Sperry

ANNOUNCEMENTS

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Or send it by email to: charles@fishduck.com and I’ll put you on the list. We begin them soon.

(I will also put my thoughts in these emails/newsletters that cannot be publicly published throughout the football season as well. (Mr. FishDuck)

Darren Perkins is a sales professional and 1997 Oregon graduate. After finishing school, he escaped the rain and moved to sunny Southern California where he studied screenwriting for two years at UCLA. Darren grew up in Eugene and in 1980, at the tender age of five, he attended his first Oregon football game. His lasting memory from that experience was an enthusiastic Don Essig announcing to the crowd: “Reggie Ogburn, completes a pass to… Reggie Ogburn.” Captivated by such a thrilling play, Darren’s been hooked on Oregon football ever since. Currently living in Spokane, Darren enjoys flaunting his yellow and green superiority complex over friends and family in Cougar country.