Wait, Female Arousal Exists?

Wednesday, September 22

Wait, Female Arousal Exists?

Folks, have you ever been enjoying a long, meaty stretch of commercials about throbbing 4-hour erections and all of a sudden you are forced to sit through a patently offensive commercial for some women's product touting itself as the best way for the female of the species to achieve some kind of unChristian orgy of pleasure down there? Could there be anything worse?

Well, thankfully most networks aren't allowing this to happen, as a story on Nightline last night reported. Sleepy host Bill Weir, who says the word "erection" with a passion and precision that is sadly missing from most news anchors these days, seemed as surprised as I was that this female arousal thing even exists. (Yeah, heh, right, it rents the room between the Tooth Fairy and Unicorns.)

Zestra is the name of this infernal product, and though it's a very fun word to say, it is not a very fun product to contemplate, because gross! ("In a matter of minutes, I was there!") Who wouldn't much rather see an endless stream of commercials featuring an aging dude in a bathtub giving bathtub eyes to a woman also in a bathtub and then getting a hard-on?

My boyfriend Jimmy said our cat Stella got some bootlegged Zestra in the alley behind our apartment last week, which explains why she's been so breathless and glassy-eyed lately. No more television, radio, or Internet for her.