It’s almost time for the 2013 WitOut Awards for Philadelphia Comedy! As we get closer to the show, we’ll be rolling out a series of posts to help you get more acquainted with this year’s nominees. Read all about ’em, and then be sure to get your tickets for the big event on January 13th at World Cafe Live!

Dennis Trafny on Alex Newman:
“He’s a funny SOB. He’s doesn’t look it on account of his husbandry, but he is a really, really smart dude. And he uses those smarts for some of the funniest, most juvenile scenes I’ve seen in Philadelphia. He could probably, no joke, be an astrophysicist but instead he chose to pretend to be a smartphone eating dinner at a long table with a bunch of weirdos or a boss that won’t give trophies to his employees, and the Philly comedy community is reaping the benefits. His beard is also a lil QT pie.”

Andrew Stanton on Luke Field:“Luke Field was conceived on the field of battle and that is where he gets his name. As a baby, Luke fought his way out of the hospital. Luke once threw a boy twice his age over a fence. Luke bit a dog. Luke drank an entire lake. Luke once dealt a poker game for the mafia and they didn’t scare him one bit. Luke has seen the edge of space. Luke wrote the lyrics to ‘Ace of Spades’. Luke is coming from inside the house. Luke is dangerously funny. Luke is an incredible improviser. Luke is great.”

Luke Field on Darryl Charles:
“If you were to compare all the nominated male improvisers to sports people (also known as “athletes”), Darryl obviously would be Bo Jackson…because they are both three-sport athletes! (Stop being a racist!) Darryl is an all-star improviser with ComedySportz and the reigning “WitOut Best Improv Team” Hate Speech Committee, much like Bo was a Pro Bowl ball-runner for such-and-such football team. Darryl is an elite stand-up comedian and last year’s winner of “Best Stand-Up Bit,” much like Bo would smack some dingers while playing for America’s team, the Kansas City Royals. And, also, in addition to all that, Darryl is an accomplished sketch writer, contributing to “The Monthly Hour with James Hesky” and “Bird Text,” much like Bo was a noted cartoon personality/crime fighter in the Saturday morning cartoon “ProStars” (third sport). Oh, and did you know Darryl also co-hosts Philadelphia’s best podcast, “CheaPodcast?” And did I forget that fact right up until this very moment and I am adding it in right now? Answer: YES TO BOTH. That’s four sports! One more than Bo Jackson! Darryl Charles is also a noted lover of animals while Bo Jackson was a malicious hunter exclusively of endangered species [citation needed]. You heard it here first folks: Darryl Charles is BETTER than Bo Jackson at comedy, sports and general humanity.”

Alex Newman on Dennis Trafny:“Dennis Trafny is my bearded brother in arms and fellow metal head. He is an insane genius of improv who plays demented murderers with the same realism as he plays innocent children. Which is horrifying when I stop to think about it. Let’s just say I’m glad he’s on my side.”

Darryl Charles on Andrew Stanton:“Andrew is awesome, and funny. I’ve seen him perform a bunch and he can switch from short one-liners to long and interweaving stories while keeping his trademark wit and mannerisms intact. That’s good, and hard to do. I like him a bunch, and I’m a fan of his improv too. If anyone was going to win this but me, I’d want it to be Andrew. Sadly, it won’t be. But I’m happy he was nominated.”

She’s conquered The Moth storyslam grandslam and the pages of Philadelphia magazine; now, comedian and storyteller Juliet Hope Wayne is getting her very own advice column over at Philebrity. She talked with WitOut about the advice she plans to give, the kind of advice she appreciates, and the stuff she could use some advice on herself.

WitOut: You’re getting your own advice column on Philebrity. How did that happen?

JHW: I have no illusions that anyone is actually going to take my advice so it doesn’t matter if I’m qualified. A lot of people are writing and, in sort of a roundaboutway, asking for permission to have affairs. If it’s gotten to the point that you’re asking a stranger what to do you’re already up shit’s crik.

WO: How do you think you’ll approach the column? Is the goal for it to be funny, or is it just real straight-talkin’, and if it’s funny, that’s just a bonus?

JHW: My friend Keith Richard Peirce gave me good advice a couple months ago. He said “usually the best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do.” I like stuff like that, advice that sticks to your bones. Short and simple.

WO: What advice would you give to aspiring Philly comedians and storytellers?

JHW: No one becomes an artist unless they have to, as they say. “Aspiring.” Christ. Don’t do it! Are you sure you’ve exhausted every other method of emotional burial? Every avenue of masochism and humiliation? You can’t find something that pays less? There’s nothing I can say to stop you then. Just remember: performing in Philly is like swinging with two bats in a coffin.

WO: What’s a problem of your own (if you don’t mind sharing) you could use some advice on right now?

JHW: I’m worried that 100% of all men are total morons and assholes. And this might color my advice [in my column]. Sorry!

You can see Juliet perform next at the Sugar Town 12th Anniversary show at Kung Fu Necktie (1250 N. Front Street) on January 26th. Show starts at 1opm; tickets are available at the door.