We all have friends or family with flaws that annoy us. Maybe they’re constantly late, or they talk too much, or they handle bad news poorly. Here’s a different way to look at the shortcomings of your friends and family when you’re frustrated.

As this video from the School of Life YouTube Channel explains, the faults of friends and family can come to dominate your view of them over time and leave you wondering why they’re the way they are. Why can’t they explain things more efficiently? Why can’t they be on time? Why can’t they handle bad news better? This mindset is a slippery slope, but you can change it. The weakness of strength theory suggests that people’s flaws are merely the downside of their merits or positive traits. The flaws you’re focusing on are the shadow attributes of other things you probably like about them. Your friend might ramble on about things, but it’s because they’re passionate and energetic. Your family member might always be late, but it’s because they lose track of time while working hard. So the next time someone’s flaws are annoying you, try to think about the positive trait that might be casting that shadow.