Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Happy Wednesday! The above pic reminds me of either an asteroid, one second prior to its collision with Earth or Voldemort (He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named) disintegrating into thin air at the end of Happy Potter, Book Seven. (I really hope I didn't ruin the end for anyone. Oops!) It's incredible, right? I have been looking at this picture for two weeks now, and I am still as intrigued by its poignancy and brilliance as the first moment I laid eyes on it.

This incredible art piece reminds me of a couple very important things we all need to remember from time to time. More specifically those important things we all need to know to defeat and conquer the darkest moments before the dawn.

#1: ACKNOWLEDGE THE SITUATION. In order to deal with any type of trauma, crisis, or mini-crisis, we must first acknowledge what's happening to us. It might not happen immediately. It might take some time. We might need to even give time, time.

Yesterday, after months of trying to ignore intense physical pain in my entire left ankle area, I finally went to the podiatrist. Thank God I did, because he immediately diagnosed me as having an avulsion fracture. To him, it was no biggie. Once the x-rays confirmed the fracture, he immediately went into physician warp speed of diagnosis, prognosis, next steps, etc... without me!

Thirty minutes later, I walked out of his office in a state of disbelief, or as I like to call it, Shock. As the work-day progressed, I really thought I was feeling fine and all was good. I like to call this Mock-cceptance, a sort of fake acceptance. So what if I need to get a brace, orthotics, need an MRI, right? So, what?

It was not until my way home that the emotions started to brew inside. I was angry at myself, sad, aggravated to spend sooo much of my little bit of extra money. I refer to this phase as In Overwhelmdom. Any and all poignant emotions were coming to the surface...and fast. Let them come and be not afraid.

#2: IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. Let's face it. This, whatever happened to you, is no fun! It's a shame. It's aggravating. It's a pain in the butt. Yes to all of those things. Once you have acknowledged the situation, with or without your awareness, the energy shifts and therefore some type of "space" opens up for the next stages in your dealing, wheeling, and healing from this latest crisis or mini-crisis. We must remind ourselves, it could always be worse. Because, really, it could be.

After one looong car ride home, sharing my emotional angst with my mom and a couple of good friends, and the help of the latest Top 40 Re-mix, the overwhelmedness subsided and I started to see my mini-crisis as a solid reminder that I must continue to take excellent care of my body. I call this part of the process, Learning. Therefore, I must go to my dermatologist soon as well as my oncologist in order to prevent future cancer issues as well. And, as a plus, I could drop them both off some copies of my books to keep in their offices. (Why not?)

It could always be worse. Say it three times to yourself and remember it. It's so true and a great reminder to be grateful and appreciative whenever possible. What if I need surgery? What if I have broken my angle all together? Then, I would have to sport that wonderfully sexy "BOOT" to every social event, movie, work. Ugh. I'm much happier with my brace. Subtle. Under the clothes. No one even knows.

Silent strength. It could always be worse.

#3: THE BEST IS YET TO COME. The third extremely important thing to remember when faced with an icky situation is to Embrace it fully. I just don't think acceptance is enough anymore. We get to enthusiastically and passionately Embrace the issue at hand and remind ourselves that The Best IS Yet To Come.

I want you to think and feel something at the same time. Notice the difference in energy between saying, "This Too Shall Pass". Ok. Now, what if I said to you, "The Best is Yet To Come? Do you feel the difference? Do you feel how one is filled with non-specific, muted, and non-validation whereas the other is filled with hope, excitement, and unique celebration?

To be honest, I'm still working with this concept of Embracing with regard to my ankle sitch. It's not that easy. This last phase of the healing process takes time. It takes patience and an incredible amount of understanding. Since I still don't really understand what this all means, I have a ways to go, yet. All I know is that I am going to do everything in my power to physically heal my ankle!

So, what you need to know when in those darkest moments are: 1) Acknowledge the Situation; 2) remind yourself It Could Always Be Worse; and 3) for good measure, tell yourself The Best Is Always Yet To Come.

THOUGHTS:

1) I will be receiving the final pdf version TODAY of my book, "How I Learned To Smile From The Inside" for one final proof. Hopefully, that means a few more days before all of you can purchase my book online. OMG.

2) I'm working on some short web-tutorials for what I'm going to call SMILETV. It's all very exciting.

3) Here's a gentle reminder. Don't just purchase one book, purchase more than one for your family, you friends, your boyfriend, girlfriends, etc...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Today's post is going to be a little silly. Bare with me. Sometimes we all just need to laugh. My intention today is to laugh as much as possible. My intention here to make you laugh at least once. Just once. Or for those of you who are NOT going to laugh, I hope you just crack one smile. Sometimes, it's all about the smaller things that make you smile or laugh, right?

OK. Les-bi-honest ("Pitch Perfect" 2012), there are a few things that each of us do that are just WACKY...or there are things that we do without realizing it...that are just plain CRAY-CRAY.

Klepto anyone?

For some reason, I am a klepto with a couple different items. Today, we'll only speak of two. Let's discuss Pens first. Ok, it's not like I'm Winona Ryder, but I definitely do have a problem when it comes to pens. I love pens. I love to hold them. I love the way they feel when you write down notes. Yum. Actually, at my desk I need to have at least four pens in my direct view in order to feel comfortable. (Hey, I never said I wasn't a little strange!) I definitely have my favorite types too. God bless me some blue BICs. For some odd reason, I just walk off with other people's pens. It's a problem. I know it is. The worst part is I don't even realize it and then I end up with various pens at my desk and I usually have NO idea how they came to my desk. Oops. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there, am I? Am I? (Crickets)

Secondly, I also LOVE small spoons. I collect all small silverware, really. But I love me some spoons. My mother told me that I used to run around the house at two (or three years old) constantly with a spoon in my hand. Apparently, I took it everywhere I went. It was when I started banging on my grandmother's antique piano that my mother decided it was time for me to learn to play an instrument. To be honest, if it were socially acceptable to walk around with a spoon in my mouth or in my hand, I would probably still be doing so. lol. Nowadays, whenever traveling to distant, different, and new countries, I will always return with at least two or three small and decorative spoons. I do have standards though. I don't take any spoon. They have to be cute, unique, and for some reason, I only take the ones that speak to me. No, not literally. By definition, this would not really fall under kleptomania because 1) I know that I am "stealing"; 2) I do feel guilty for a second or two; and 3) it is for purely my personal gain. Oh yeah, and the most important part, I always have someone else with me and make them steal the spoon on my behalf. LOL. Good Times!

Paper Towels will be the death of me!

Does anyone else use a butt load of paper towels? Like beyond normal? I mean, I go through paper towels like they are going out of style and FAST. I just like the way they feel. They always feel new and fresh. I think that dish towels are sooo dirty. I really don't understand it. It's incredible to me. I make it a grand point to recycle each and every day, but yet I feel somehow resound and justified in my constant and gynormous waste and mis-use of paper towels. Sometimes, when I'm feeling daring and bold, I even might re-use a paper towel. Oh god, there I admitted it. Pet Peeve alert, I don't like the half sheets. The cheapy paper towels are now pretty much only available in half-sheets. Ugh. Gross. I'll take the full 12" X 12" sheets any day or any time. Those are heavenly. Don't you agree?

Toilet Paper. The harrowing debate continues... Over vs. Under?

I don't know why toilet paper has come up twice already this year in my blog alone. All I have to say is that I am an Over-person and not an Under-person. And I think it's very rude when strangers or friends come into your house and shift the Toilet Paper from Over to Under. I mean, who do you think you are? Changing my toilet paper like that. The only time I think it might be appropriate to change it up is when you run out and you are replacing the toilet paper. I'm okay with that. But, word to my friends and family, please don't change the gosh-darn toilet paper in my bathroom from Over to Under! It's so ruuuude! Can I get an Amen up in here! (yes, that's my silly little plug for RuPaul's Drag Race Season V)!

13days until you can purchase my book, "How I Learned To Smile From The Inside". (perhaps as early as February 5)

FINAL THOUGHTS:

1) There is actually a slight chance that you may be able to purchase my book as early as February 5. Keep you gosh-darn fingers crossed. I know mine are...

2) Good news... I am the interview process for three amazing positions. Will keep you apprised.

3) Start thinking about who you know! Over the next few weeks, as I want to market and publicize my book, I will be asking for your help and support to tell EVERYBODY you know to purchase my book. We must get the word out!

Okay. Here's some honesty. What scares me more than anything else is my self-doubt. I question myself ALL the time. It's been quite hairy (and not the good Italian hairy) in my life as of late. If it weren't for my book, I really don't know where I would be...probably in a ditch somewhere curled up in the fetal position.

The Problem:

Here are my fears and doubts. It starts with the menial worries. Why have I been consulting over the past two years? Have I wasted time? I'm gonna be stuck filing and scanning FOREVER. I really want to go to Vegas with my friends next weekend. (P.S. For those that don't know, Vegas is literally a four hour jaunt from LA) Then, pretty quickly, it turns into bigger worries. What if I can't find another job? What if this becomes a permanent temp position? Can I live with that? What if no one buys my book and I never write again? I am thirty-four years old, what if I have to move home with my parents? (no offense, Mom and Dad). I should have done this, that, and the other thing. Ugh. Without even thinking, my stomach is in knots and I feel nauseous. It happens on a daily basis. It's a vicious cycle with many downward spirals. And, hopefully, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

The Analyzer in Me:

Here's what I know. I know that it won't always be like this. I know that this is a temporary and poor situation. I know I won't be scanning and filing for the rest of my adult life. I know that sadness is very heavy and taxing. I know that happiness is refreshing and freeing. I know to be grateful for this position as it has been a God send. I full well know that fears, doubts, worries, etc... will NOT bring me to positive places or to the greener side of the pasture. In spite of this knowledge, I still run the same record in my head over and over again. It's very aggravating. It has been quite the cycle over the past few months. My mind races. I get a little sad and then I do NOT attract that which I want in my life at all.

A Couple Simple Solutions:

1) Dream/Vision Board - Two weeks ago, I put a dream/vision board up on one of the walls of my house. Create the board. It can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. It has everything that I would like in my life from more trips home to see my family and incredible nephew, Miles, to positions for which I have applied/interviewed, to a lovely new keyboard, so I can start singing and writing again. I take about three to five minutes each and every day and review the entire board. No matter what I'm feeling when I commence the exercise, I always leave feeling better, refreshed, and hopeful. Hopeful is the key ingredient. Honestly, I have attracted three new incredible roles for myself, either of which, would be an incredible position for my future. It has helped me tremendously in just a few days. Try it for yourself! The results arrive fast!

2) This past weekend, I met up with a great friend of mine and we chatted for four hours in a row. We talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. We spoke about our individual disappointments and our self-doubt. He lead me through a quick exercise wherein he wanted me to think of a fight that I had had recently with either my parents or my partner. He asked which three qualities I used to forgive and move on. I chose Compassion, Loving, and Accepting. In other words, in order to collect myself and forgive, I had to be compassionate, loving, and accepting of the other person involved. He then suggested I use those same three qualities on myself when I start going down one of my downward spirals. I have kept that in my back pocket all week long. I'm happy to report that it has helped me tremendously this week and it's only Wednesday. Try it!

Here's the exercise:
1) Think about a recent time when you forgave someone and moved on.
2) What three qualities of being did you possess in order to do that?
3) Now, repeat those qualities five times out loud.
4) Next time you are feeling disappointed our self-doubt, remind yourself of those same three qualities.

FINAL THOUGHTS:1) The first physical copy of "How I Learned To Smile From The Inside" (pic at the top) arrived at my house yesterday. I don't even know how to feel right now. It's really really amazing!

2) The Social Media Countdown for my book will officially start next Wednesday. I will have a clear idea of when the book will be available on my website and Amazon.

3) I am in complete gratitude to all of my friends, acquaintances, etc...for all of your support over the past year and especially the last few months.

4) Try one or two of the exercises above. I guarantee they will work quickly! Afterward, tell me about it!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I thought I would change things up a bit this week. I'm feeling a little bit all over the place, so I am going to write three paragraphs about three completely unique topics and let the cards fall where they may. Enjoy!

The Blue Dragon in all of us.

Pictured above is The Blue Angel or The Blue Dragon. This amazing, up to 3cm, sea creature is a fierce, silent but deadly, killer. It prays on the Portuguese Man of War. I kid you not. This little creature, immune to the venom, can slowly devour an entire Portuguese Man of War...clearly over time. Intriguingly, it ingests the venom and then uses it as a defense mechanism against any and all other animals. Apparently, the Blue Dragon is many times more deadly than one Portuguese Man of War itself. Craziness. Think about it. This tiny little creature (us as individuals) feeds on one of the most deadly creatures in the world (the outside world) and slowly overtime conquers it. Each one of us can change the world. Being small can just be the motivator and inspiration.

Can I just say something?

Guns. A topic I never thought I would feel the need to discuss in my blog. I'm really torn here. Don't get me wrong, I actually do believe in our right to bear arms for intruders and the like. But, I wouldn't be opposed to a ban on either all "arms" or all "semi-automatic arms". It's a tough debate. I believe it is very sad we live in a country where we have almost as many guns as the current US population. And then, how do you collect 300 Million weapons? Why do we have so many?

Guns don't kill people, people kill people. If I hear that one more time, I might scream. The problem is, I just don't think it's very accurate. People kill people, yes. People, however, always need weapons, in order to kill people. Whether it be their hands, a knife, a rope, poison, or a gun. Guns, however, have the potential to harm mass amounts of people at once. Which is worse? Is there really a debate on the answer? Jeez! Does that phrase infuriate anyone else???

Just a gross and hilarious moment yesterday.

Awkward moment in the bathroom. I work at a prestigious office here in Century City at a prestigious address. I never expected the following to happen. I always choose the stalls, even if I just have to pee. (We can deduce meaning from that another day). I chose the bigger stall, and I get to the toilet and there is someone else's #2 which had clearly not gone done. After my initial fascination with the fact that someone actually pooped that high up in the toilet, I burst out with one of those single laughs, you know. Then, I took a deep breathe in and started tearing due to the wonderful and delicious smell (not the sarcasm). I had NO idea what to do. I sure as hell was not going to put my hand in there. So, just like anyone would do, I tried to flush it down, twice. It still didn't move.

Did I mention it was big? So, just like anyone would do, I tried to ignore it as I sat down (after thoroughly cleaning the seat) and took care of my business. I tried to loosen it up with natural juices, if you catch my drift. Nothing worked. I finished and I flushed again, but to no avail. Finally, I was so disturbed by the whole situation -- and I could definitely not let the next person have the same tortuous and embarrassing experience -- I used the paper seat cover and lots of toilet paper to move the #2 one centimeter. I was humbled. I succeeded. I flushed one more time and it finally went down. Thank God. Then, I washed my hands for about three minutes straight with soap and warm water. It was over. I left the bathroom, walked down the hall in the professional business outside world, and smiled thinking no one in this office would ever know the ten-minute hell I just experienced. I sat down at my desk, accomplished, sanitized my hands twice more, and then went on with the rest of my day. The End.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

1) I am still filing and scanning. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not so great. When I am feeling a little down about it, I look at my 2013 Resolutions (taped on the wall near my desk), take three deep breathes, and tell myself this is only temporary and a means to an end. Then, I smile.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

As much as I understand myself for the most part, sometimes I just don't. I still cannot comprehend that every year, I feel an incredible need inside to create new resolutions. I have done this for the past fifteen years or so. Some years, I have gone for the specific-type goals while others I have created the more generic-type objectives. Though my intentions are the same each year, some resolutions I blow out of the park, while others not so much. Alas, another year has come and gone. For the first time ever, I am sharing my resolutions with more than a few of my close friends. This year, as you'll see, I'm doing it a little bit differently, too!

Here were my 2012 Resolutions:

1-Start to grow Rich & Save

2-Emotional and Physical Health - Relax Much Much More

3-Live my Creative Truth and start earning Great money

4-Enjoy every minute more (especially when I eat)

A little vague, no? This was one of those generic but all encompassing resolution years. I was about 50% spot on. That means, I was about 50% off as well. I am always working on the other stuff and I feel as if I'm sooo close. We are all a work-in-progress.

Here are my 2013 Resolutions:

1. The Bigger Person.

I solemnly swear to always be the bigger, better, and brighter person.

2. Follow my intuition.

Sounds innocent enough, right? Wrong. There are major intuitive shifts going on within me. So much so, that I am discovering my "psychic" side. It is the beginning of a new journey for me, and thus far, it has been incredible and completely unexpected. Way more details to come!

3. Gratitude and Appreciation for each Dollar Earned.

This will be the first year that my creative time will be handsomely rewarded. I don't have to say silly things in a commercial or pose 100 different ways for a modeling shoot. Nope, this year, it will be instead be due to countless hours of writing, editing, writing, and editing. I solemnly swear to give thanks and be appreciative for every dollar earned, whether it be from a high-powered Director-level position or from my books and/or other creative endeavors. I cannot wait.

4. Travel. Travel. Travel.

I solemnly swear to do my best to visit at LEAST 3 different countries on two unique continents.

5. A Breathe of Fresh Air

I solemnly swear to be a breathe of fresh air consistently and constantly for the upcoming year.

6. Use my languages, damn it!

I solemnly swear to utilize my language skills as much as possible. I want to speak Spanish, Portuguese, French, and Italian more!

7. Authenticity to the Bone.

I solemnly swear to be my most authentic self every day and always do the best I can, despite whatever's going on.

8. Publish. Market. Create. (and Repeat)

The most amazing thing is that I wrote a book. I still cannot believe it. My first in a self-help, Smile From The Inside, trilogy. It gives me absolute great pride and feelings of success and hope. Not just for me, but for others as well.

9. Keep the Dream Alive.

I have started to create my new 2013 and beyond vision board. I will be dreaming and creating my new life for five to ten minutes every day, while breathing deeply and giving thanks.

10. My Body is My Temple.

As always, I solemnly swear to eat healthier, take care of my body better, and chillax when I need to do so.

2012 was quite the year of transition and un-knowing in my life. I don't know about you, but I am beyond glad 2013 has arrived in full force. I have no doubt that my best is yet to come and that 2013 will be my best year yet. Perhaps I tell myself that every year to make myself feel better, or perhaps this time, it is the truth. To be honest, I don't really care either way. I feel it through my blood that 2013 will be the first year of the rest of my new, un-anticipated, and yet-to-be charted life. Can I get an Amen up in here! (RuPaul's Drag Race reference...i had to throw at least one in my first post of the new year.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

1) Happy New Year to everyone!

2) Thank you for all of your support, love, and encouragement over the past ten months.

3) Take care of yourself. Take care of others. Be grateful for the present, as that's all we have.

4) If you have resolutions, I would LOVE to hear them. Email them to me!