how i see myself

I am feeling really very sorry for myself – I had a very eventful weekend. what I thought was simply a cold / ear infection made me end up at an out of hours GP appointment at 9:30 on Saturday morning, by 10:30 I was sat in another hospital in a+e. oh the fun we had! so now I am bed bound, completely shattered but also, completely bored! I am pleased to report that I am feeling much better; drugs really are a wonderful thing, as is our darling NHS.

some of you may recall in my previous post that I mentioned that I was starting therapy to try to understand my triggers for depression – im happy to say that it does appear to be working as I feel ok currently, I know all too well it isn’t something that will go away overnight and I still have my bad days but I am in a much better place than I was a month ago.

through some of the work ive been doing with my therapist it turns out I have low self-esteem – which is no shock to anyone around me but is apparently a shock to me. I really thought it was better than it had ever been this year… oops.

anyway, some of the homework I was given was to write something down everyday for a month that I like about myself.

simple right?

wrong!

ive written before that I struggle to accept a compliment – something that I am better at now– I used to always laugh them off or change the subject but now I try to accept them with grace. I don’t know if it’s the british in me but I always feel that, if I say im good at something, that im boasting a bit, and I never want to be that arrogant person. we are known for our self-deprecation after all. luckily I had some of my family and friends on board to help me out when I struggled (although I do think my sister Melanie confused me more than she helped)

so, on this day, I thought id share with you my list because im trying to remember that saying im good at something, or that I like something about myself doesn’t make me arrogant.

big love to those that helped me, id love for you to share with me one thing that you like about YOURself.

Project self-esteem , here goes.

I’m loyal – sometimes this is to a fault. but if I got you, I got you.

I have a very contagious laugh – it makes people happy. (this one is credited to Denise, thanks pal)

I’m very accepting of people – I don’t judge (‘a very difficult quality to have – another one from Den)

I’m passionate

I’m supportive

I listen(but like, really listen – thanks, Di)

I love hard

I’m inquisitive

I’m not afraid to admit when I am wrong(I mean, I don’t like to be wrong but I can admit when I am )

I’m dedicated

I’m fun – well, i can be

I have standards

I’m opinionated

I can laugh at myself(and do, regularly)

I don’t try and be cool–I realised I wasn’t ‘cool’ years ago and have since stopped trying. I’d rather be a freak anyway.

I’m honest(sometimes too much)

I’m calm in a crisis(thanks, Melissa)

I write well(again, thanks Melissa)

I like to think I’m pretty chill, like, I’m pretty low maintenance

Material things aren’t my driving force in life – yes, having nice things is a bonus but it isn’t the be all and end all.

I’m a glass half full kinda gal – I always try to see the silver lining.

I’m realistic with a dash of not so much

I can’t control my facial expressions – some people dislike this about themselves but I actually enjoy it

I have the ability to take something complex and be able to explain it in a simple way

I always want to be better – I never want to settle.

I’m good at keeping friends – my best friends live all over the country, all over the world, but I still see them, I still talk to them as often as possible. distance doesn’t make a difference.