I thought that I was strong.
I thought that God would bless my activity,
I was wrong,
I thought I was a failure,
I thought there was nothing certain,
I was wrong.

God gathered my failures,
and told me that each one was a lie,
God took my strengths,
and turned my energy to him,
Now each day is a delight,
It opens with new opportunities,
To be in your will,
And to enjoy God’s company.

I was drowning,
Sucked down by despair,
Going under for the third time,
I thought that this was the end.

Then I heard a different voice,
One that spoke loving words,
Sometimes the words were soft,
But, my God kept speaking to me,
He was my life raft,
Guiding me to wisdom,
Failure no more – Safety is found.

Lord, my past is so shameful,
My stupidity reaches to the heavens,
I spend all day counting what I have done wrong,
But, you don’t do this to me,
Your count keeps going back to zero,
Totally forgetting all my past mistakes.

My dear enemy doesn’t do this,
He takes delight in pointing out what I have done,
He piles stupid on stupid,
To show me my idiocy,
Over and over he has circled,
Looking to make the final blow,
To find one more stupid thing,
That will destroy my life.

God’s way is so different,
He circles to wrap his arms around me,
Not to point out my stupidity,
His arms are loving and his voice is soft,
Affirming me, whispering love sounds,
That comforts my pitiful weeping.

Here’s what God’s says will happen –
My dear enemy is going to feel very stupid,
When God sees the damage he sought to do,
God won’t take it lightly,
He will show the enemy who is right,
He won’t get away with it,
My enemy will receive his dues,
And, it won’t be pretty for him,
When God let’s loose,
With the loving anger of a protective dad.

I love feeling safe with Dad,
I pray that my children will see God’s work,
And that they will have the same trust,
Because they know how God delivers.

My world is awash with pain,
Every day I see more things to fear,
A relentless coming and going of disappointments,
Life lived with sadness as its shadow,
These shadows can stretch over the day,
Threatening to block out all light.

A life lived in the shadows,
Overcome by fear,
Is not what God planned,
No, he desires us to discover,
Happiness with each new day,
Light that keeps the shadows in check,
Sadness that opens into joy.

Humility is God’s home for his children,
I need to learn to live with him,
When peace comes to me,
Life’s shadows become welcome shade,
Not an interminable disheartening,

I loved my homecoming,
Choosing God first is finding rest,
I set down my self defences,
Opened my life with no pretence,
I found fresh hope,
Everything in its right place.

My daily search for God’s voice,
tells me that God cares for me,
He overlooks my mistakes,
When I was lost in a downward spiral,
Free falling into an abyss of fear,
My pitiful cries were heard,
When lying on my stomach every morning,
My face buried into the floor,
Sobbing because of my fear of the day,
God reached out and lifted my head,
He looked into my eyes with love,
He spoke to me – he heard me.

Those who threw their bitterness at me,
They will hear God’s voice too,
Bitter words will quickly fade,
They have no place in eternity.

When I pray my broken hearted prayers,
I know my failures are obvious,
Thankfully God sees more than this,
Beyond my shortcomings,
He saw my desire was to serve,
I never ceased in that desire.

This was rejected by the liar,
He closed his heart against me,
Daily acts of violence were committed,
Lashed unceasingly,
By a continuous contemptuous glare,
My daily work became torture,
I curled up and sought to die.

From the confusion,
I heard a Voice,
It quietened my anxious heart,
Words that offered protection,
Confronting the lies,
Showing them for what they are,
Futile rebelliousness against God,
The Voice speaking order and calm,
Love’s words offering truth and trust,
“You are my child – I see you –
What I see calls me to love you more”

Every day there are new things to learn,
I pray this morning for humility,
For the wisdom to see the things that I don’t know,
That today may become a day of discovery and wonder,
Not stuck in the same old rut.

Why do fearful cowards surround me?
They don’t want to face who they are,
Instead they prefer to attack me,
They focus all their energy on my downfall,
Wielding their hate weapons,
All day they seek to find new words,
To create despair in my life.

Surely God sees all this?
He knows everything,
He can see the haters hearts,
And, he must see my heart.

I stopped and was still,
God’s voice broke into the stillness,
His voice breathed love,
My friend, My Creator,
He saw the deep wounds inflicted by bullies,
Loving hands wrapped around me,
His embracing action a balm to the hate words,
Love spoken heals the abuse.

God is faithful to me,
He doesn’t cave into hate’s demands,
He is not swayed by its accusations,
He never deviates from love,
I want to follow him everywhere,
Listening to his voice,
Learning new things daily,
Seeing hate’s voice quietened by love,
Knowing that he has my back.

Hatred has a smell,
Like a corpse rotting in the battlefield,
Contempt’s odour is distinct,
Pride is bathed in it,
It putridly seeks to infect those around it,
My enemy bathes in contempt every day,
Never resting in finding new ways to lie,
Creating elaborate word snares,
That confuse truth.

I was trapped by contempt,
Breathing its foul air,
Wondering when arrogance would rise,
Seeking ways to shatter my hope.

It’s time to seek God,
To watch his power unleashed,
In anger for his child’s pain,
Stupid enemy,
Arrogance is God’s enemy,
It will get its due,
Words that sought my destruction,
Will torment your heart,
In your sleeplessness,
Where all hope has faded.

Humility led me down to greatness,
I sought to follow you God,
Sometimes I thought you were going the wrong way,
You seemed to take wrong turns,
But, I learned to trust you,
I discovered rest,
Now, when you seem to stop for too long,
I know that it’s for my sake,
I have stopped being a back seat driver,
I have learned to love the scenery along the way.

Today I am going to start …

Today I am going to start living
As only I can live,
I am going to walk in the bush
Listen lovingly to friends,
Take time to hear the birds sing
Love my wife
Be present for my children,
And, wonder at this precious gift
Of life and dreams and time,
Just today, is all I have,
Today I am going to live.