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Dateline – Toronto

Reports are emerging from Toronto this afternoon regarding a prolific local knitter who used to really get sh*t done, but in recent weeks has finally come to realize that no matter what approach she takes, how many lists she writes, or how precisely her schedule is organized, there inexplicably remain only 24 hours in a day, and each of them only have the standard sixty minutes, no matter how many post-it notes she sticks to the wall above her desk.

Witnesses claim that the complete dissolution of a system that was barely working began two weeks ago when the knitter became a grandmother. “I don’t know what she was thinking” said a source close to the knitter. “I mean, you can’t just add a whole other person to your life and not take a couple of the post-it notes down, you know what I mean? She just kept saying it she could fix it with organization, but I think that she’s in over her head. The baby, the Bike Rally, the Retreats, The Knitter’s Frolic thing… She’s going to lose it.” The source went on to report that the knitter had snapped the evening prior while serving bagged salad and dry toast for dinner, claiming tersely that it still counted as a meal and mumbling that the source was lucky to get anything, and to hang up his towel after he uses it because they are (*&^%ing out of clean ones.

This trouble has spread to mostl areas of the knitter’s life. A “friend” of hers reports that yesterday she proudly turned up to an 11am appointment at 11:30, absolutely confident she was on time. “That’s just not like her.” He said. “Steph’s really not late often, she’s pretty together, you know? I know she put this in her calendar. I can’t figure out what’s going on. Plus she made me look at pictures of that baby again. The kid’s cute and all, but I think she’s already texted me all of them.” He reports that when confronted with the reality that she was 30 minutes late for their appointment, she took out her phone, looked at that day’s date, incredulously tapped on the calendar, then stared incomprehensibly at the booking for 11am. “That’s really not…. ” she stammered, and then was overcome by wave of apologies while simultaneously answering a text about a missing help number for a training ride this weekend and making a mental note to eat lunch at some point while writing a talk for The Frolic this weekend and composing a reply to Megan addressing her query about burping and if you should wake a baby up to do it. (For the record, no.)

As we have come to expect from previous encounters with this knitter under stress, housekeeping went first, and the knitting has been the last thing to go. While dust bison roam the knitters home, everyone is out of clean clothes and a smell that has gone past “weird” and into “disturbing” continues to emanate from the fridge, itty-bitty knitted things pour forth unabated.

This tiny hat followed the realization that the new baby was indeed too tiny to fit the things knit for him during his gestation, but that the weather had not yet turned, and he would need something on his head.

(Yarn is Madeleine Tosh Tosh Sock in an old colour called “Happiness.” Pattern an old favourite from the Original “Homespun Handknit“)

A pair of bootees followed immediately thereafter, because his feet looked cold, and he didn’t match, and despite the absolutely impossible level of chaos in the knitter’s inbox and on her desk, that seemed like a priority.

Pattern is Baby Moc-a-soc (downsized slightly, and knit in the round.) Yarn’s the Mad Tosh from the hat, along with a wee bit of the same yarn in “Antler”, and this reporter can attest that while we are all pretty damn sick of the baby pictures, these are only sweeter on his widdle feetsies. (Ahem.)

Despite all of these challenges, the knitter has so far, with the help of caffeine and crying alone in the bathtub, managed to meet all deadlines, spend lots of time cuddling the baby and continued to mostly do her job(s), as long as you take her at her word that she does not now, nor has she ever considered cleaning anything her “job”. She has appeared in public several times over the last few days and on the surface, appears to be holding up well. (There are sporadic reports that she texted a friend something like “oh man what was I thinking I’m not going to make it” but no actual proof.) The only outward crack in the facade has been a shocking tendency toward spelling errors in emails written in haste, the fact that she ate celery for breakfast twice because it was all that was in the house, and yesterday – left a freshly knit baby sweater outside to dry, immediately before a torrential downpour, where it stayed until it was completely sodden and in need of re-washing. Of this lapse, the knitter would only say “For (*$^%s sakes.”

(Photo procured after evidence was removed from the scene.)

When last heard from the knitter in question was typing frantically at her laptop, with her life in tatters all around her, softly mumbling “next week I’m going to get all this together” while her family stood nearby, shaking their heads gently. We attempted to reach the knitter for comment, but all we received was a reply was an email that read “Isn’t he the most darling thing ever?” and the attached baby picture.

This would have been more annoying, did this news outlet not agree that he is freakin’ adorable. We will continue to follow this story closely.

Oh dear Lord, that’s one heck of a cute baby! I completely sympathize with allowing such a cutie to turn your life upside down– babies just do that to us, you know?
(Does he have a Tulip cardigan yet?)

Well, you know it takes about six weeks to integrate a baby into the life of a family. If said knitter does get her act together by next week, she will be well ahead of schedule. Wishing her all the best as she picks the right priorities.

Amazingly adorable! Thank you for the extra pics, we can’t get enough!! Also amazing how many schedules are thrown asunder when a new little one arrives! Enjoy each precious moment as only a grammy can!

This reader thinks the knitter in question has her priorities in the correct order. After all, that absolutely astoundingly superb baby will only be a baby for a brief time and must be enjoyed NOW! Those other pesky things like laundry and weird smells and to-do lists and dust bison will be around till doomsday. And anyway, aren’t there 2 people in said knitter’s house who can open bag salad and make toast??

Remember how it took a while to be a parent? Well same with grandparenting. Especially a knitting Type A one that is self employed, gives her time generously to her family and friends and great organizations, and some how makes enough of it work. Hang in there. We love baby pictures especially when the cutie is wearing hand knits.

I got to touch the Clock, which is an excellent reminder that infants grow into babies who grow into toddlers who grow into children who morph into teenagers who turn out, quite amazingly, to be adults, all in an astonishingly short period of time (in hindsight). Enjoy each time for what it is, and when it is. Other things will always be waiting for you.

He’s only going to be that little and with that amazing baby smell and those adorable little feetsies for a little while. Dust bunnies and laundry? They will be there forever. Bagged salad with toast or carry-out from your favorite place (or the most convenient on your route) are perfectly reasonable dinners. On the other hand, oatmeal and milk are absolute essentials and must be kept in sufficient quantities to cover emergencies. Delicious for dinner, too. (I prefer almond milk)
Beautiful beautiful baby. Megan is obviously doing a wonderful job.

I say this knitter has it just right – he is absolutely adorable and fully deserves to be a priority, and yes, housekeeping always goes first! Those cheeks make me think of velvet and have me wanting to go into town in search of a baby to kiss!

If I lived in Toronto, I’d offer to help, probably couldn’t do shopping for groceries, but I’m awesome at laundry.
Could you hire someone to come in and vacuum everywhere, clean bath and scrub kitchen floor and sign a pledge that they will never tell anyone how big the dust bison were. You will never regret one moment spent holding that beautiful baby.
Had to touch camera, hope that means more pix.

I am madly jealous, since my daughter grew up to do many amazing things, but with no desire to produce a grandchild for me. But I DO have a ton of great-nieces and nephews, and please could you give us the name of the hat pattern? I’m sure I had it once, but I can’t remember the name.
And yes, he is every bit as adorable as you and your family think he is!

Completely fabulous! lol Love your Grammy posts. My daughter has not given birth, yet and I’m not quite as far gone as you with my perfect grandaughter from my son. She is amazing and wonderful but I think the daughter thing adds something. Something big. Cheers! You’re obviously going to be the best grammy for little Elliot that you can be and you will, no doubt, be lodged firmly and permanently in his heart as your grandmother is in yours. Cheers!

I’m in love with Elliot and his tootsies. Wish I were in Toronto to get some of that loveliness (yeah, get in line!!!) enjoy while he is little and let Megan get lots of rest by offering to take care of him for long stretches of time. Knowing you, you will figure out how to knit and hold at the same time. Keep posting pics – Never too many.

We’re the (Knitting) Blog, and we live for pictures of handknits, especially if they have adorable new babies in them. In your favor, it looks like the Frolic is in Toronto, so you don’t have to get on a plane. (I sure wish I lived in Toronto this weekend.) If you have to live in Crazytown for awhile, at least it gives you good material when you get time to write. We’re always happy to see you when you appear.

Yay! More photos of the beautiful boy!!! I was hoping to see more. 🙂 Just enjoy being his grammy, Stephanie. He won’t be this little very long. The other stuff can wait. Take it from an experienced grandma. lol

He is truly adorable and has a fine future as a hand-knit model. Not that you asked, but why don’t you hire someone to give your house a quick clean, order a few groceries delivered, and then have your favorite restaurant meals delivered, too? Keep knitting those precious baby things!

Dry toast and salad is a two-course meal! I once served my fiancé scrambled eggs in a cup because there wasn’t anything else in the house (and he still married me).
Just remember, you’re never going to reach the end of your life and think “man, I wish I’d spent more time on the housework when Elliot was a baby.” Although it is possible that you may wish someone else had spent more time on it. After all, he’ll be crawling before you know it, and you don’t want him being trampled by a herd of dust bison when he comes to visit!

That is my absolute favorite hat pattern in the world. Plus it is easy to bump up or down in increments of eight for larger or much smaller people (I am a neonatal RN and some of my newest friends are born very small). I have five grandchildren and the wonder never fades. So, just enjoy it and do not worry about any other thing.

Never fear said knitter in the news story will find her beat and things will get under control again. That is one cute baby. I understand new baby excitement as I have a new baby cousin who is just adorable. And your grandson is so adorable. You need time to integrate the new little into the family and you’ll get things squared away again. And just saying, in an emergency leftover spaghetti meat sauce is good on rice and eggs for a meal 🙂

Take it from a mother who has two daughters in their mid-30s that have not now or anytime in the near future that I know of, plan to give me grandchildren, ENJOY that beautiful baby!! No harm has ever been done by roaming dust bison and celery works for breakfast!! You have a far more important task in your life!! More pics!! (I do have an adorable grand dog!!)

So…the wet marks on the table look like garter stitch, and the wee bairn’s sweater is stockinette…does this mean we are in for more pictures of your lovely grandson? I, for one, am far from sick of them. 🙂

“Settle down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep. I’m rockin’ my baby and babies don’t keep!” That little rhyme was cross-stitched on a baby gift I received from a dear friend in 1964. It’s still good advice. Enjoy your precious Elliot and knit on. (p.s.–there are never too many baby pix)

OH. MY. GOODNESS! In case there was any doubt, some of us in “the blog” (ok, probably all) have been checking daily for picture updates of the wee sir and his wee knits that we knew were coming. Of course they were worth the wait. But, please, don’t make us wait so long next time! As for as getting it all done, if I had a grandbaby-I’d drop everything and knit cute baby stuff until it was old enough to tell me to stop.

Dear Stephanie, your grandson is such a cutie. But I am afraid he might not have enough hand-knitted clothes to look adorable in. This could be a serious problem for his proper development, so I suggest that you do something about it 😉
PS I am so happy for you!

I just want to stroke those wee legs & play with those footsies!!
Thank you for the vicarious Grandmother experience.
I think the knitter absolutely has her priorities straight, this phase will not last & should be indulged to the maximum!!
Cheers
Lush x

To make you feel better: I’m the oldest of 5 kids. When my mom was pregnant with the youngest, my parents put an addition on the house. Mom put the first coat of paint on the interior trim while pregnant with Becky. When Becky went off to college 18 years later, Mom had the time to put the second coat of paint on. My parents had their priorities straight.

For some weird reason, this is the email that really brought tears to my eyes. That wonderful little bundle of love and adorableness has conquered Toronto. While it’s true that life sorta kinda eventually expands to contain all that additional love and adorableness, it’s definitely crazier at the start!. Those cheeks, that chin, that hat! LOVE!!!!

He’s absolutely adorable. Your daughter needs your encouragement and help right now way more than your floor needs to be clean. I don’t think I would have made it without my mom. Plus it wouldn’t kill your husband to do a load of laundry, just saying.

Yep. He is absolutely ‘freaking adorable. Since I have no grand babies of my own, he is possibly the cutest baby I have ever seen. Missed your blogs but knitting for him is far more important. Buy take out food and new clothes. The rest will come together somehow. Enjoy him.

I, for one, will never, ever be sick of photos of Elliot. You may get an email from my two adult kids, though. I have been blaming you becoming a grandmother for my (possible incessant along with pics of baby knitting patterns) “occasional” requests for them to hurry up and make me a Grammy already.
It can’t hurt to remind them, right?
Enjoy that gorgeous little boy. Also, cloth diapers? Awesome.

Good luck with that, Steph. My grandgirls are 8 and 5 and my house still isn’t clean. My husband just got a raise, a big one. I’m calling in cleaning ladies this week because even my boys have noticed the state of the toilets.

What a truly adorable little guy. And I’m still looking at photos of the amazing blanket. My first set of grands are growing up fast and it maybe a few years before I get another, so I’m thinking I should start a blanket now. Just an aside, no one will remember bag salad and dust bisons, but you will regret every moment not spent cuddling while he’s still small enough not to squirm off your lap.

What the actual f***k? You are now a grandmother and the term “baby brain” is not reserved only for the wonderful new mum (as we say here in England) but for all of you who’ve just welcomed this miracle with liddle feetsies. I can only imagine that your brain is scrambled, remember when you were a new mum? All of those feelings are there again and even more so for your wonderful Meg. Thank you so, so much for sharing this amazing time with us, I probably won’t have grandkids of my own, but boy is your blog the next best thing! Plus, when can we start the sponsorship drive for the Rally? We knitters of the globe love to feel involved in the incredible things you do!

OMG, what a brilliant post – I chuckled all the way through! And what an absolutely adorable little man swaddled in the cutest of hand-knits (and cloth diapers!). Enjoy this time with him now while you can – housework can certainly wait. Nobody ever died from a dusty floor or lack of clean clothes. I daresay. Enjoy being a Grammy, I know I do! My two GBs are 7 & 8 and still precious. And they wear everything I’ve knit for them .
I get to touch the T-shirt!

Dear Grandma: (Don’t you love how that sounds??) I became a great-grandma right when Elliot made his appearance. Our joy is tempered only by the fact that I live in San Francisco and Winston lives in Sweden. Can you believe that !?!?! I am so happy for you. Enjoy every minute with him and damn the dust bison.

Wow is that little fella cute. I think it is totally reasonable and perhaps even necessary to take a 6-week break from everything else (except knitting). Enjoy this time with infant Elliot. It is important and you deserve it! Everything else will wait.

Cleaners can be hired.
Cute, cute, cute grandchildren cannot be hired, and their widdle liddle tootsies need to be warmed in a way that only you can do – so your priorities are completely correct.
PS: That hat looks lovely, but I need to see if it matches his eyes. More photos required.

Welcome to the Club, Granny, Grandma, Nana, Mimi??
Definition of a Newborn by Irvin S Cobb
“A newborn, is merely a small, noisy object, slightly fuzzy on one end, with no distinguishing marks to speak of except a mouth … But, to its immediate family, it is without question, the most phemoninal, the most astonishing, the most absolutely unparalleled thing that has yet occurred in the entire history of this planet”. ❤️

Stephanie, I totally grok your frazzled-ness. My dear DIL found a sweet little puppy, (a Chi-Woodle), that she offered me for an early birthday gift. I am flummoxed. I have to catch little knit times when the puppy has passed out in a play weary puppy heap.
I don’t think I will be knitting sweaters for this leetle drag about. An old sweater (procured from local thrift store) blankie will do just fine.

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Author: Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

F the dust bison and enjoy your grandson! They change too fast and this age (any age really) so enjoy enjoy enjoy! I love the beautiful things you have knit for him & he will know that he is loved. My son is eight and he has everything i ever knit for him – holes & all and keeps them in box for his kids someday.

He is also known for his patience in yarn shops & for disappearing and bringing back armfuls of yarn he likes for his next sweater. Plus he just knit his first mini blanket for his bear.

not only can you knit for your grandson – you can teach him to knit (i know you will) and then your fun will really double.

Did somebody forget to tell you that you automatically get a 90 day grace period after the birth of your first grandchild? It’s a complete new terrain you must learn to navigate. Hold, play with, and spoil that baby to your hearts content and don’t feel guilty for a second!

Grandma-Land is a place I’m unlikely to see for at least another ten years, or so my four children inform me. I’m so happy to live vicariously through you. The tiny knits are so cute, and that baby is a little heartbreaker!

Anyway, Steph, this was my favorite post ever. And I say that a lot. But this was. My favorite post ever.

Thank you for sharing the widdle baby feetsies and pictures and knitting and Meg – who, obviously, is the most wonderful woman ever – to the best grandbaby ever gifted to a grandmama. My cup runneth over. Or maybe it’s your cup? Whatever, We’ll share. After all, we are Blog.

Umm. The baby’s hands look chilled. Just saying. In case you need a little something to knit between and during everything else on your schedule. Any of the ‘Tosh remaining? (He looks very contented and loved already. And perfect.)

O my goodness! I still can’t decide what’s more adorable, if the hat or the baby’s face 🙂

My sister is having a baby and I recently purchased the Loris Beanie Kit from We Are Knitters (every beanie with little ears for babies makes me drool) but I’ve never worked with baby alpaca before (I’m quite new to knitting)