Is it Possible to Rewire Your Sexuality?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Sexual healing starts with understanding your excitement, generally, and applying it to the bedroom.

In my previous tip, I asked you make a list of ten things that bring out your shine, that make your heart beat really fast. This is something you wouldn’t ordinarily think of as sexual—like seeing a movie, eating a certain food, or taking a bath.

Can you take one item on your list and work it into a sensual session, either solo or with a partner.

Be creative!

Here’s a place to start:

Make a list of 10 things that excite you. These can have an erotic dimension, but they don’t have to. Examples include reading a book in the bathtub, dancing naked, or eating an ice cream cone in the park on a gorgeous day. It would be great if every item makes your heart pound a little.

What’s critically important is that you only put on the list things you’re really jazzed about, not items that please your partner (it’s OK if they coincide).

What lights you up? I mean, generally?

To begin sexual healing, or explore new adventures on your path, it’s important to understand our own excitement.

This can be difficult when we’re used to denying our own needs, or we’ve lost touch with this part of ourselves.

Here’s a place to start:

Make a list of 10 things that excite you. These can have an erotic dimension, but they don’t have to. Examples include reading a book in the bathtub, dancing naked, or eating an ice cream cone in the park on a gorgeous day. It would be great if every item makes your heart pound a little.

What’s critically important is that you only put on the list things you’re really jazzed about, not items that please your partner (it’s OK if they coincide).

Chapter Three: Get a Diagnosis!

As soon as we got back from Europe, I combed the Internet looking up bedroom issues. That’s how I bumped into vaginismus, a spasm of the pelvic floor that causes excessive tightness and pain.

I couldn’t believe others had this too, that it was a thing.

Out to dinner with friends one night, I asked if any of them had heard of this dysfunction (once I knew what it was, I realized I’d had this since I was 12). None had. In fact, my yoga mate Stacey, half-hearing me, said: “Vagina Christmas?” I assured her whatever a Vagina Christmas was—and it did sound festive, even for a curly-haired, Jewish girl like me—this was its evil opposite.

My friends insisted I tell Kurt everything, which meant admitting I’d been lying to him for years. After procrastinating as long as I could, I confessed. My husband was understanding, but insistent on my seeing a doctor.

I don’t think people on the left (like me) should ignore these women and men. Instead, we should listen to people who don’t vote like us, trying to find common ground.

Here are two things I adored about the march that I think we all can agree on, even if you objected to this event.

Be Kind

Although it was VERY crowded, the marchers I encountered were all incredibly polite, civil, helpful, and friendly. One woman who scaled a building to get a better view was asking if anyone wanted her to take pictures for them, even though she needed both hands to stay on her ledge! She also took it upon herself to shoot panoramic views.

Again and again, women and men created passageways through the crowd when somebody was getting claustrophobic. Usually, with density like that, people get testy. But it didn’t happen. It was like we all took an individual pledge to be as tender with each other as we could. For me, this was part of the joy of that day. I felt incredibly cared for.

Don’t Harm Others

This is sort of the same thing as above, but it’s not. Abuse goes far beyond being unkind. I think we can all agree that sexual violation is not something anyone should have to endure.

“The legions of Christian conservatives who opposed Trump in the Republican primary might well have been prepared to march for women’s dignity and against sexual harassment.”

He went on to talk about how pro-life/anti-choice women were not welcome at the march. I won’t comment further on this controversy, which you can read about here and also here. I will say that this was obviously not a place for women on the left and right to link arms; it was an event organized by progressives for progressives. It was a protest against Donald Trump.

But maybe there’s still hope for us. I hope we will have other opportunities to march for “women’s dignity and against sexual harassment.” To fight for what we all believe in.

About this Blog

This is a blog about healing from sexual violation, as well as from any other issue that can keep us from enjoying the full experience and expression of our sexuality. It’s inspired by my journey seeing 15 practitioners and trying 30 different modalities so I could rid myself of the last vestiges of my childhood sexual abuse. Along the way, I learned the cutting edge of trauma recovery, female pleasure, overcoming bedroom dysfunction, and having awesome relationships. The pink couch is where I share where I learned, and where I hear from you too. So pull up a chair…

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