Proposed New Ethnic Group Misses the Mark

President Obama has proposed to create a new racial or ethnic category of “MENA” for Middle East and North Africans. This new group would qualify as a minority in the US (as if we don’t have enough minorities). There are many ethnic groups that are lumped together under other categories. For example, we don’t have a category for Arabs who get lumped into the white group. Of course, Iranians aren’t Arabs nor are Turks. A long neglected group is the “Other” category. Even so, Obama is missing several lesser known group that deserve their own category. As a public service I list them here:

1. Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths. This minority can be found in the House of Representatives in Washington DC and could be elected from any state. This ethnic group moves so slowly that it often mistaken for dead. They seem to come alive around election time.

2. Forked Tongued Snakes in the Grass. Usually found in the mayor’s office of major cities like San Francisco or Toronto or even small cities in Pennsylvania like West York. Just when they appear to be extinct, another one pops up somewhere. How they get elected is still a mystery.

3. Cheating Flightless Game Cocks. This ethnic group can be anywhere but is often living in Governors’ mansions or other political offices. They are sometimes confused with the Male Chauvinist Pigs but are rarer.

4. Self-Centered Big Assed Peacocks. This minority commonly reside in Hollywood and is usually found sending selfies on social media. This group is not hard to find as they love to hear themselves talk. They love to parade around showing off their asses feathers.

5. Red Coated Russians. This is a very rare ethnic group. It is usually found as the President of Russia. This ethnic group is very aggressive and often tries to take over the territory of its neighbors. It is sometimes confused with the Yellow Bellied Dragons of China.

6. Male Chauvinists. This is a rather large ethnic group usually found in Africa and the Middle East but are very adaptive and can be found everywhere. There are females of the species, but they are extremely rare and hard to find. It’s hard to imagine that this minority can bred, and yet, they are still around. The males of this category are very aggressive and will attack any female of another group by interrupting them and mansplaining or bropropriating.

7. Anthony Weiners. A small but growing category. One was found in congress along with the Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths but resigned. He was then spotted in NYC running for mayor. They love to take pictures of various body parts and email them to strangers.

8. Glutinous One Percenters. Only 1% of the population fall into this category. Although rare, this minority owns 99% of everything. This group was well known but was not popularized until the last presidential election.

9. Deplorables. This ethic group was only recently identified. They tend to be Republicans but can join any party.

If you know of another ethnic group that needs including, please comment.