Antelope At A Dance And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
__________________________
/| Art Gallery |
/ | ____ ____ ____ |
/ | |o | | , | | _ | |
/ | | O | |. | |(@) | |
/ | |_,k,| |_,-,| |\|p | |
/ /| | | h | | ,; | | | | |
/ / | | |_z__| |____| |____| |
/ /@;| | z z |
/ |Y | z|_{)_______________________|
/ | / /z /H
/ /| |/ /z Y
/ / | / {) d
/ / %| / /|
| |&"| / Y
| | / / d
| |/ /
| /
| /
| /
| /
| /
|/
David Riley
I'm STILL on a mission! I need to modernize the Animated
Gallery by consolidating categories that have 50 or more
animations in them into a single page.
I worked hard and completed yet another animation page!
We now have a GOD Page you can access off its main
Directory here:
Animated Gallery F-J
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
,
A Spelling Lesson... /)
//
(/
If GH stands for P as in Hiccough _/ ______
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough ) ( (-----(
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis /INK\ \ \
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour \___/ \ \
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette jgs _)_____)
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau `------`
The right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU
If GH stands for F as in Rough
If O stands for I as in Women
If TION stands for SH as in Solution
The right way to spell FISH should be GHOTION
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
June 11 is National Hug Holiday and King Kamehameha Day
June 12 is Machine Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
June 14 is Pop Goes The Weasel Day
June 15 is Smile Power Day
June 16 is National Hollerin' Contest Day
June 17 is Watergate Day and Eat Your Vegetables Day
=======================================================
.-~~~-,
( )
( )
-^x^- ( )
/~ ~\ ( )
| | ( )
| | ( )
| __ _, (~~~~-( )
/\/\ (. ).) `_'_', ( )
C __) (.( .)-( )
| /~~~ \ (_ ( )
/ \ ~====' /_____/` D)
/`-_ `---' \ |
.__|~-/^\-~|_/_ |^^^^^^^|| |
__. ||/.\ | |OooooO
\ ---. \ | | \ _
_- ,`_'_' .~\ \|__ __|-____ / )
< -(. ).) > \ ( .\ (. ) \(_/ )
~- _) \_- ooo @ (_) @ \(_//.
/ /_C (-.____) /((O)/ \ ._/\~_.
/ |_\ / / /\\\\`-----'' _|>o< |__
| \ooooO ( \ \\ \\___/ \ `_'_', /
\ \__-| \ `)\\-^\\ ^--. /_(.(.)- _\
\ \ ) |-`--.`--=\-\ /-//_ ' ( c D\
\_\_) |-___/ / \ V /.~ \/\\\ (@)___/ ~|
/ | / | |. /`\\_/\/ / /
/ | ( C`-'` / | \/ (/ /
/_________- \ `C__-~ | / (/ /
| | | \__________| \ (/ -Artist Unknown
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
>Aging
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit
her. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought
for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I
always remember."
So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat ... so every year
that you age, she only ages half a year?"
My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it
only works on even years."
-<>-
>Emergency Call
Shopping one afternoon, I was paged to come to the mall office. I
rushed over and an office clerk said that I was to call home right away.
Fearing the worst, I found a pay phone. When my teenage daughter
answered, I immediately asked what was wrong. "Everything's fine, Mom,"
she said. "But I have a date in an hour and I want to wear the shoes
you have on."
-<>-
>Geology Degree
My parents scoffed, but I knew my college degree in geology would come
in handy one day. It was during Army Basic Training in Texas and I was
pulling KP duty.
When the sergeant asked me what I did in civilian life, I proudly said
that I was a geologist.
"Good. I'm looking for someone with your background," he said, while
dropping a bulging sack onto the table. "You've got just the right
qualifications to pick the rocks out of these potatoes before you peel
them."
-<>-
>Ironing
We baby boomers know that our daughters don't share the same need to
iron that we do.
This became very apparent while visiting our daughter on our way home
from an extended trip. After doing my laundry, I asked my daughter for
her iron and ironing board, which she retrieved from the far reaches of
her storage room.
I was about to plug the iron into the outlet when my grandson walked by
and said, "Gramma, is that going to be noisy?"
-<>-
>Meal Prayer
My four-year-old likes to say the blessing at mealtimes, usually
repeating the same short prayer: "Thank you, God, for this gracious
food. Amen."
One evening, however, he offered thanks for the birds, the trees, each
of his friends, and asked God to watch over his family and help them to
be good.
I was thrilled that he was finally praying from the heart.
But after the "Amen," he took a spoonful of stew, gasped, then dropped
his spoon into the bowl. "I should have said a longer prayer, my food
is still too hot!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
,', ,',
', ,' ', ,'
,----'--------------------------. ,----'--------------------------.
('''|```|```|```|```|```|```|``|` | ('''|```|```|```|```|```|```|``|``|
|---'---'---'---'---'---'---'--'--| |---'---'---'---'---'---'---'--'--|
__,_ ______ ______ |___,_ ______ ______ jg |__
'---'(O)(O)'---------'(O)(O)'---' '---'(O)(O)'---------'(O)(O)'---'
Julek Gedek
>Commuter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company,
regarding services of the latter.
"Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two
years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every
day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a
14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse that that
enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly, A Commuter"
---
The Reply to the above:
"Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings
of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.
The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely, Western Railways"
---
And the Counter-Reply was:
"Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the
ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible,
Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on
his ass...
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train
in the last twenty-two years!
Yours truly, A Commuter"
---
...Touche' - LOL! Thanks Geniann!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend KarenF :)
_,;
,-',' |\
( ( _/ |
\ \ ,-''_,'
|`-._\ `.-,' ;',--'\ _...._
`.__/ / _,-'-' , `.
), () `-' , \
; " ; , , :
,' ,' , :
(_) __,' , , , :
`'' \ _. ; , , |
. -' , \
\ , , \
Sitatunga . , _.. , \
(Tragelaphus spekei) ' .. ,' _,' \ |
\` ' ;'\ ' \ \
;`--| ; \ \ \ \
; ; ; ; ' : . `,
; ; ; | : ; \ ;
; ; ; ; ; ; : ;
; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
; ; ; ; ;_| ; ;
; ; ; ; /_ |
; ; ; ;
jrei /__: ;_ |
>Antelope At A Dance
An antelope was asked to go to a dance. She bought a new dress and
necklace for the dance. Then she had her horns and hooves done.
Since she lived alone, she struggled to dress herself. Running late,
she encountered a herd of stampeding buffalo approaching the trail.
She thought she was fast enough to get past them. But, unfortunately,
she was run over by the buffalo. And this is the origin of the self-
dressed stamped antelope.
---
...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks KarenF!
-<>-
_.._.-..-._
.-' .' /\ \`._
/ / .' `-.\ `.
:_.' .. : _.../\
| ;___ .-' //\\.
\ _..._ / `/\ // \\\
`-.___.-' /\ //\\ \\:
| //\V/ :\\ \\
\ \\/ \\ /\\
`.____.\\ \\ .' \\
// /\\---\\-' \\
fsc // // \\ \\ \\
This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices that his eyes
are bulging and his ears are protruding. He becomes very concerned.
So he goes to his doctor and asks him what is wrong with him.
The doctor told him that he has a rare disease that will require him
to take this medication for several months to clear up the disease,
however the medication will make his hair fall out permanently.
Several months later the guy's eyes are still bulging and his ears
are still protruding, more so now that his hair is gone.
So this time he goes to a different doctor who informs him that he
has a liver problems and that they will have to remove part of his
liver. So the guy has the surgery only to find out months later, his
eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding.
Determined to find out what is wrong with him he goes to another
Doctor who tells him that the nerves in his hands are pinching the
nerve endings in his ears and his eyes and the only way to resolve
the problem is to have his hands amputated.
Sadly, the guy lets his hands be amputated.
Months later, the man still has the problem. He goes to another
specialist who informs him that the cause is a rare blood disease
and that the man only has a few months to live.
The guy is hysterical at this point and resolves that if he only has
months to live he is going to live it up. So he goes out to buy a
brand new sports car, new furniture, and a new wardrobe.
However, when he went to order some custom shirts, the tailor told
him he took a 17-inch neck.
"No, I've always taken a 15-inch neck."
"But sir, you have a 17-inch neck."
"Listen - I'm 45 years old, and for the past 30 years I've taken a
15-inch neck."
"Okay, I'll do it. But you do know what happens when the neck is too
small?"
"What?"
"It makes your eyes bulge and your ears protrude."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
*How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?*
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll
do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will
be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it.. You can feed me while
he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in
the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just
ate was a light bulb?
------------------------------------------
A blonde in the Baptist Church
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot
tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now,
I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God
and this Christian Family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to
face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be
forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and
confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would
stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her
voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux
Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard
under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the
congregation roared.
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks KarenF!
-<>-
_
_|_|_
,|_| |_|_
|| | | |_|
|| | | | |
|| | | | |
_|| | | | |
||)\ ^ ^ ^ |
|| | |
|| | |
|| | |
\\ |
\\ /
ejm )\ (
/ \ \
/ \ \
\ \
>THE LORD'S PRAYER
The prayer and _GOD - in response.
*********
Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
_Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
_But -- you called ME!
Called you? No, I didn't call you.. I'm praying. Our Father who art in
Heaven.
_There -- you did it again!
Did what?
_Called ME. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven" Well, here I
am.. What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my
prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel
good, Kind of like fulfilling a duty.
_Well, all right. Go on.
Okay, Hallowed be thy name.
_Hold it right there. What do you mean by that?
By what?
_By "Hallowed be thy name"?
It means, it means .. . Good grief, I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
_It means honored, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense.. I never thought about what 'hallowed'
meant before. Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, On
earth as it is in Heaven.
_Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
_What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of
neat if you got Control, of everything down here like you have
up There. We're kinda in a mess down here you know.
_Yes, I know; But, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church..
_That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've
really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you
spend - Your money -- all on yourself. And what about the kind of
books you read?
Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as
some of the rest Of those People at church!
_Excuse ME..I thought you were praying For my will to be done. If
that is to happen, It will have to start with the ones Who are
praying for it. Like you -- for example ....
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention
it, I could probably name some others.
_So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now, But I really would
like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be
really free.
_Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and
ME. I'm proud of You.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking
a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread.
_You need to cut out the bread.. You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty,
And all of a sudden you break in And remind me of all my hang-ups.
_Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for.
Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now.
Keep praying. ( pause .. . ) Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
_Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
_Try ME.
Forgive us our sins, As we forgive those who sin against us.
_What about Ann?
See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told
lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes
me..I've sworn to get even with her!
_But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it..
_Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around
all that bitterness and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I
got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born.
_No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are -- Well, I can change that.
You can? How?
_Forgive Ann. Then, I'll forgive you; And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.
Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want
revenge,I want to be right with You . . (sigh). All right, all right
. .I forgive her.
_There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?
Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been
getting much rest, you know.
_Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer, are you?
Go on.
Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from
evil.
_Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
_You know what I mean.
Yeah. I know..
_Okay. Go ahead. Finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.
_Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me
happy?
No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now...I've really made
a mess of things. I want to truly behave like Christ. I can see now
how great that would be. So, tell me ... How do I make you happy?
_YOU just did".
____________ _________ _________
Now Please pass this on!!! I did ,will you....?
---
...Absolutely! Thanks KarenF!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
,N.
_/__ \ If you eliminate all other possibilities
-/o\_\ the one that remains, however unlikely,
__\_-./ is the right answer.
/ / V \`U-.
()) /, > o < \ Elementary my dear Watson.
Murder at Woolworths
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young
husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance
policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging
to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to
the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up
front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill
that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworth's
Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and
proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor
unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the
manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder
scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no
choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the
hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who
immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he
could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with
the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...
(You're going to hate me for this...)
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS'
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
It is your typical Ohio love triangle.
A woman, her father and her boyfriend lured her love rival
to their trailer and held her down while they tried to cut
off her fingers with pruning shears.
Shena Moore, 24, allegedly invited the victim to the home
in Mason, Ohio after learning her boyfriend, John Gulley,
31, had been sending flirtatious text messages to the woman.
The victim, a 27-year-old artist and friend of Moore's,
agreed to go to the home to discuss the problem, but when
she arrived, Moore's father, 450-pound Gerald Moore Jr., 49,
allegedly hit the victim with his cane while his daughter
began punching her.
Moore, her father and her boyfriend then allegedly pinned
the victim to the ground and tried to cut off her fingers
with the shears. Authorities believe they wanted to ruin
her career as an artist.
But the victim kicked Gerald Moore and was able to escape.
Gulley was later apprehended by officers and arrested along
with the Moores. A Warren County grand jury indicted Gerald
Moore Jr., Shena Moore and John Gulley on felony charges of
kidnapping and felonious assault.
What seems odd to me is that it was the boyfriend who was
sending the flirtatious text messages, but they tried to cut
off the fingers of the women to whom they were sent. I guess
that only makes sense in Ohio.
---
...Oh, yeah, right - so he says! I live in Ohio and it is
irrational behavior here just as it is anywhere else!
*-- Police: Accused con man met women on dating site --*
KISSIMMEE, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man accused of
bilking women out of hundreds of thousands of dollars with
a phony business used a dating website to find his victims.
Osceola County investigators said Scott Campbell allegedly
convinced women he met on dating websites to give him a
total exceeding hundreds of thousands of dollars by
convincing them to invest in his phony music business,
"Bank Deposits Only Records," WESH, Orlando, reported
Friday. Police said Campbell told the women the business
included an "American Idol"-style talent search contest,
and he showed them photos of himself with celebrities
including Ludacris, Anthony Hamilton and Wendy Williams
to make his business seem legitimate. Detectives said
Campbell used the money to fuel his gambling habit. The
suspect was arrested in Flagler County and will be
returned to Osceola County to face charges, authorities
said.
*-- Woman, not expecting, gives birth to baby --*
DULUTH, Minn. - A Minnesota woman says she didn't know she
was pregnant until she went into labor while running a
marathon. Trish Staine, 33, was on mile 9 of the Duluth,
Minn., annual Grandma's Half-Marathon Monday when she gave
birth to a baby girl, KBJR-TV, Duluth, reported. Staine's
husband, John, said there was no indication his wife was
pregnant. She didn't gain weight or show any other symptoms
of pregnancy. The couple named their daughter Mira --
short for miracle. Mira weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces.
*-- Women allegedly harassed group of people with animal parts --*
SKANE, Sweden - Three Swedish women will face charges
they allegedly used severed animal parts to harass a
group of 11 people, police said. The women -- a mother
and her two daughters -- are accused of harassing and
intimidating the victims with the remains of dead animals,
the Swedish news agency TT reported. One of the victims is
believed to be the ex-boyfriend of one of the attackers,
the 10 other victims all had connections to that man,
police said. "They've put dolls dressed up as people in a
roundabout, and parts of slaughtered animals have been
placed on the dolls. The goal was to humiliate people
there," Robert Loeffel of the Kronoberg County Police
told Sveriges Radio. "In one of the cases, we had a
slaughtered pig's head that was sitting on a doll in a
manner that suggested it was a human head." Since last
spring, the women also allegedly vandalized cars, put up
signs, and sent dozens of text messages and letters to
the victims. Prosecutors are expected to file an
indictment against the women this week on charges of
unlawful persecution.
*-- Woman collects more than 3,000 Barbie dolls --*
PLANTATION, Fla. - A Florida woman who has been collecting
Barbies for 23 years said her home is filled with more
than 3,000 of the fashion dolls. Lori Birkeneder, 53,
said her Plantation living room is filled with glass
display cases for the dolls and one bedroom is completely
filled with Barbies, the South Florida Sun Sentinel
reported Tuesday. Birkeneder said she spends about $10,000
each year on Barbie dolls and accessories and another
$5,000 is budgeted for visiting conventions for collectors
of the toy line. She said she is attracted to the
imaginative aspect of Barbie. "It's about the fun and
fantasy and fashion of it all that reminds you of when
you were a kid, and if you want to be philosophical about
it, of simpler times," Birkeneder said. "For most
collectors, that's what it is about."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
///"\
|6 6|
\ - /
.@@@. __) (__
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|_.._| /_|_\
pjb
>Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living
objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if
the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you
push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over
inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently
getting hit on.
TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for
picking up people.
EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts
to the bottom.
HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5,000 years, they've hardly changed
at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this:
It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while
he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
New Law:
With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots,
especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has
established a 'Women Only' parking lot at the Mall of America. Even
the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a
comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.
---
...HaHa! Thanks Linda!
=========================================================
>-->From our Friend LouiseA :)
z
z
Z
.--. Z Z
/ _(c\ .-. __
| / / '-; \'-'` `\______
\_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--,
| \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \
\\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-'
jgs (________\ \
'-'
By the time Chuck pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken.
He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I
don't care where, I'm too exhausted to go any farther."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the
manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost but, to tell you the
truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have
complained in the past. I'm not sure it's worth it to you."
"No problem," Chuck assured him, "I'll take it."
The next morning Chuck came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-
tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better," said Chuck. "Thanks for helping me out."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring
then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time," Chuck replied.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Chuck
explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said,
'Goodnight, beautiful.' He sat up all night watching me sleep."
------------
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The
doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired
the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," asked the doctor, "why do you want to live to be a
hundred?"
------------
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not
exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket - went in to try out for the
job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's
right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had
never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully:
Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a
minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting
to hear the results of the interview.
Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm
already working on a murder case!"
------------
A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy
restaurant.
"May I take your order, sir?" he asked.
"Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens." the man replied.
"Oh, it's nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided.
"We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
------------
Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely
forget what that purpose was?
Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.
Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that
passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in
the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.
Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and
prepares a blank slate for the new locale.
So it's not aging, it's the damn door!
Thank goodness for scientific studies like this!
------------
Seven-year-old Alex came home from school one day. He walked in the
house. "Hello, Alex," his mother greeted. "Hi, Mom!" Alex replied as he
got a glass of milk from the fridge and took a seat at the table.
"Anything interesting happen in school today?" Mom asked as she sat
down across from him. "My teacher was asking me about our family," Alex
replied. "Really?" Mom asked, smiling. "What did she ask?" Alex said,
"She asked if I had any brothers or sisters that will be coming to
school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest in you," Mom
commented. "So what did she say when you told her that you're the only
child, my dear?" Alex answered, "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
========================================================
..::''''::..
.:::. .;'' ``;.
.... ::::: :: :: :: ::
,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: ::
::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. ::
'''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : ::
,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' ::
`:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;'
``::,,,,::''
>-->From CleanLaffs:
Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their
first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my
grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate
it all to my co-workers.
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five
pounds."
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar,
and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
-<>-
When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some
advice. "The first ten years are the hardest."
"How long have you been married?" I asked.
"Ten years," she replied.
-<>-
When you're swimmin' in a creek And an eel bites
your cheek, that's a moray!
-<>-
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of
the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake
was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
-<>-
There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire
summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing
a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the
field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing
a whistle, and then walking off the field.
At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard
home football game, the referee walked onto the field and
blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half
hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.
The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
-<>-
When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment,
he went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded
with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of
cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart
with a single, large bag of potato chips.
Seeing the checkout clerk's look, he explained, "I'm a very
messy eater."
-<>-
One of the most successful inventors of all time was the man
who invented the hay-bailing machine. Needless to say, he
made a bundle.
-<>-
A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind
comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there,
bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and go
back to their chewing.
Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to
the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane
comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The
bulls just say "moo."
Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, "Moo?
What's the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop
and you just stand there unharmed ?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the bull replies. "We bulls wobble, but we don't
fall down."
=========================================================
.-. .-.
(_ \ / _) Aries- The Ram
|
|
>-->What does your profession say about you?
1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing
degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on
drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job
responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing
without a degree." You are self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone
calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact
with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek
admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. ENGINEERING - One of only two signs that actually studied in school.
It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by
engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all
the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets.
4. ACCOUNTING - The only other sign that studied in school. You are
mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in
the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the
majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
5. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT - Catty, cut-throat, yet completely
spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest
of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your
worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best
suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social
circle is a "Middle Manager."
6. SENIOR MANAGEMENT - (See above. Same sign, different title)
7. CUSTOMER SERVICE - Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent
cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked
your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you
could pretend to play "Customer Service."
8. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO - You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability
to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the
latter.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
MacGyver - How To Do It 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html
At The Car Wash!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html
Cat In a Box
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html
Sweet Little Pad
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html
Strange Tombstones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tombstones.html
Jobs That Suck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html
Extreme Noodling!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noodling.html
There's Something About Mona!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html
Top Reasons To Smile!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html
Bear Rescue
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
She sent us one we have here...
Niagara Falls In Neon
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagaraneon.html
---
...Beautiful Reminder! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent u us one we have here...
A Mother Squirrel's Love
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove.html
---
...A sweet reminder! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Tic Tac Toe Game
http://www.prongo.com/tictac/
Andre Rieu & 3 Year Old Violinist Akim Camara
http://www.flixxy.com/3-year-old-violinist-akim-camara.htm
Laughter is the Best Medicine | Caregiver Stress
http://www.caregiverstress.com/2010/07/a-reminder-that-laughter-
is-the-best-medicine/
People Are awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EEu42L0ufBY
---
...Most beautiful! LOL! Good ones! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend KarenF :)
Could You Pass This Driving Test?
http://www.autoinsurance.org/driving_test/
---
...Yes - but barely! Thanks KarenF!
Blue Angels
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=W6tB8Lf7YoU
Happy Dancing Feet...WOW (vid)
https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=521382777907611
Spray Painting New York
All I can say on this one is wow!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23bA_5yadxs
I thought you would enjoy this.
One Man Quartet
Beautiful! - Take a listen!
He put in a lot of effort making this production all my himself.
This guy had to tape himself 4 times to do this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=dxCRIF0m79w&feature=related
---
...Fun Ones! Thanks KarenF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
A Ukulele Orchestra!
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=pLgJ7pk0X-s
---
...HaHa! a Wonderful delight! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Conservative, (noun) A statesman who is enamored of
existing evils, as distinguished from the liberal, who
wishes to replace them with others."
--Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -
and that was the closest our country has ever been to being
even." --Will Rogers
"Nuclear physics is much easier than tax law. It's rational
and always works the same way." --Jerold Rochwald
Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper,
our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we
have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom
of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence
never to practice either of them." -Mark Twain
"My father would say things that made no sense at all,
like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some moron
would turn left in front of me.'" -Louie Anderson
"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own
power. And anybody who says I am will never work in
this town again!" --Jim Carrey
"Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, they
shouldn't have believed me in the first place."
--Jack Handy
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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