Opening Day Starting Nine

March 31, 2011

Today the book industry newsletter Shelf Awareness is running a little Q&A with me that includes a question about my top five authors that I expanded (following Charles Bukowski’s lead) into a starting nine. Here’s my opening day batting order:

Josh, it was a great surprise to see you (and an add for your book) featured in Shelf Awareness (especially I probably hit south of the Mendoza line when it comes to the percentage of issues that I read. Don’t know what inspired me to visit their site today).

Anyway, here’s my lineup
Douglas Adams, SS, maybe something of a light hitter in this lineup, but great on-base percentage
William Goldman, CF, great range of fiction, non-fiction, and screenplay
John Steinbeck, 3b, great batting average
Homer, 1b The original heavy hitter has to bat cleanup
John Dos Passos, LF, America trilogist has a right to be in the national pastime’s lineup
Jane Austen, DH, she was never one to play the field
F.Scott Fitzgerald, LF, line drive hitter
John Fowles, 2b, scrappy infielder and (card?) collector
W.P.Kinsella, C, clearly knows the game
Thomas Hardy, veteran starter who can eat innings
O.Henry, relief pitcher short (story) man known for his curveballs

C.S. Lewis, Umpire, Someone with a strong sense of right and wrong to call balls and strikes

Lastly, I like to think that somewhere in this franchise’s farm system, signed as an undrafted free agent, is a kid by the name of Josh Wilker, working his way up the chain.

Donald Hall manages a squad built on line drives, speed, and a flawless grasp of fundamentals.

The batting order:
RF – Michael Chabon (line drives, rifle arm, takes his walks)
SS – Roberto Bolaño (a free swinger, great range, aggressive on the bases)
3B – William Kennedy (not flashy, but does it all well; a switch-hitting Dwight Evans from Albany)
1B – Charles Dickens (bats L, .300/.400/.500, flawless glovework at first; makes it look so easy many take him for granted)
LF – Garry Wills (slow of foot, but tremendous power from the right side)
DH – Dylan Thomas (even hungover, gets around on a fastball; has been known to dog it)
C – John Le Carré (handler of pitchers par excellence; slowest guy on the team, but manages not to clog the bases after his many walks)
2B – James Thurber (surprising pop for a little guy with thick glasses; looks clumsy, but lightning quick when turning double plays)
CF – J.M. Coetzee (first S. African to make it big in MLB, whippet thin but strong; outstanding range and arm)