Month: August 2013

So get me back to beer and food asap, after trying to help the Syrian refugees, which all I done was made matters worse, the hole Turkish border probably hates them now fanks to me! So I’m back in antalya, however money is running low. So I have plan, I go to breakfast with my bag fill it with boiled eggs and fruit to last the day! However not as easy as you may think, in the guest house they have ” the breakfast police “. Yes 2 people whach you as you get food and eat! So I have to be very cearfull. What happens Of I get caught by the breakfast police? Just imagine going to to jail. What you in for? Bank robbery! Fighting! No breakfast police, got cought with 3 eggs and a bit of fruit!

So after the excitement of the dam, what other amazing things to visit, ah a holy city, can I eat.?,,..no…what about a fag?….no, it was like being on holiday with Bobby sands! So saw some fish in this place sanli urea! So I’d had enough I was off to a place called mardin, the Korean girls told me it was good and fun! After going there I thought these girls need to get out more! Mardin is on the Syrian border, UK home office web site says…. say away, car bombs, kidnapping, shooting etc! There is danger here, dangers like you might starve to death as no smegging food due to Ramadan, or depression, no beer these where true dangers! So I dicidded to help the Syrian Reggies! Give something back and all that! So I was giving beggars 1 Turkish lihra each, about 35pence. But I was the only white person there, only person staying in the guest house! So I finds this cheap tea place out of the way, where you can smoke, and have a cup of tea, it was the only place in town. So I was there quite abit, on one afternoon a Syrian woman came to the cafe begging, with a small child. On that day the cafe was busy, and I had got know a lot of the locals. So I got the woman and child to goin me at my table for tea and a bottle of pop. The locals said ‘ David you are a good man ‘. Then the woman starts brest feeding the child at the table! Smeg this was not good, locals said look what you’ve done, this is bad, why you have her sit here and do this! As lots of people left so did I….get me the smeg out of here quick!

So it’s daft o’clock, only people who have milk rounds or hatern road girls should be out at this hour! Ok Off the bus( old van with seats) smegging hell it’s cold than the heart Hart of my girlfriend! You have to walk up mountain now….’ you having a smegging laff it’s 4:00am, do I look like a smegging milkman ” so me and my still bad foot limped in the cold dark wind of mount milk man! The wind was a bit of a smegger, couldn’t get warm, can’t light my fag, can’t see, found shelter On top in a rock that was used as a toilet! Sun came up old rock heads on Mountain, very nice ‘ can I get down now, can I go back to bed ‘ no smegging chance off to see more old stuff. I just want to see my bed, maybe tv, a gag, pack of crisps. So off to the oldest temple in the world, yes another one! If I had a pound every time they’ve told me on my travels that I’d have enough money for a night out with a hatern road girl, including a bag of chips and taxi! So still knackered, bad foot, I’m in the middle of nowhere, midday sun, sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmungers! However did have a scarf given by monks to hang off a tree! Oh yes great move, as the I gets on the shoulders of the fastest man there trying to get up this tree, so I got up down wasn’t so easy, now foots worse, covered in cuts and scrapes. Next was go and see a dam, talk about Shiite trips, who the smeg want to sit in a van for another 3 hour to see a smegging dam!

So I decided, to go on a tour after getting ripped off, on smegging bus n taxi! So got a tour cheap, first stop lunch. Smegging hell it was going to a soup kitchen n letting the tramps cook n serv. Cheap, well the food was included! So we are all standing In this dirty place, there were some posh folk there, looked about as pleased as a Hattern road girl with a council tax bill. So there was this soup, looked bad from the start, an off white with Brown bits in it, made from yogart n stuff. If that wasn’t enough to put u off, a scruffy old man started, putting on his pants behind the counter. Smegging smeg alot of people walked out! There was a fat dog sitting in the restaurant licking it’s self underneath! I know why to take away the taste of the soup. It is hard to describe how bad the soup was, however everything tastes better since. Next off to some mountain to see heads on it. 2:00 in the smegging morning, are you having a laff! No sir you must come now! Oh the joy 2:00 in some van drove like it was stolen, with the radio bleating out the Turkish equivalent of max biegraves! You know was it would have been more comfortable to get throw out of a moving car whilst being eaten by a lion whearing odd shoes a coat 2 sizes small whilst having an asma atack! Oh how could it get worse…..