When you get depressed in the middle of winter, just chuck some butter from
your window.

You’ll see a butterfly.
When does a car stop being a car?-The second it turns into a
driveway.
If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?
Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more delighted.
What happens when you cross a snowman and a vampire? -A: You get a
frostbite.
My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She
sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.
The local gene pool looks like it could use quite a bit of chlorine.
How to embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a used tampon and ask him to
determine which period it came from.
What should you call an absolutely average potato? A commentator.
I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me
up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get
to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.
I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and said, "I
want her home by midnight, young man!"-I said, "What do you mean?
You already own her home!"
Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory?

Hundreds of
soles were lost!
What do you get if you crossbreed a cute Easter rabbit with an insect?

Bugs Bunny.
Why are there so few schools in the jungles of eastern Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why are Apple staff absolutely forbidden to fart in Apple stores?

Because there are no windows.
Why does your dog run into the corner each time the bell rings?-
He’s a Boxer.

I just stepped on some Cheerios on the floor. -You can call me a
cereal killer now! Why did the calf cross the road?

It wanted to get to the
udder side.
Beethoven: So what up, guys? Are you ready for some serious symphonies?-
Excited crowd: YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!-Beethoven: I can’t hear you!!!
What was Hitler’s favorite candy?-Nazipan.
Once you contract an infection of the bladder, urine trouble.
How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill.
My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gay. Well, said I,
they did come out of the closet...
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? -A: Just needs a little
boogey!
What kind of a driver doesn’t know how to drive?

The screwdriver.
How do monsters prefer their eggs?-Terrifried Salt meets pepper on a plate and says, “I’m feeling all scattered
today.”Next Part
of Best Puns