Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise?

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How to Deal with an Aspergers Man

Are you so frustrated with your Aspergers man that it's making you crazy? STOP! Read this first...

Your "Aspie" is not a bad guy who is intentionally trying to be an asshole. Try some of these tips before you poison his lemonade:

1. Understand that some men with Aspergers (high functioning autism) can be brutally honest. When talking about reasons for marriage, a person with Aspergers might say that there is an availability of sex as the main reason, while not including his love of his significant other. Romance can be puzzling to someone with Aspergers, but again, you will probably see improvement after explaining the meaning behind it, why it’s necessary, and that it makes you feel good.

2. Tell your Aspergers partner how you are feeling, especially if you are angry, and why. Your partner may not understand your emotions and why you are reacting a certain way.

3. Learn what his interests are, and try to engage in activities focusing on those interests. Go on a few dates where social interaction isn’t necessarily the focus.

4. If your Aspergers partner talks in a confusing manner (e.g., talks in riddles, uses complex vocabulary, doesn’t answer your questions directly, etc.), ask him for more clarification. Also, remember not to use riddles, jokes or sarcasm in the same way you would with someone who doesn’t have Aspergers. If you do, ask if he understood and then explain what you meant. Otherwise, he might be hurt by what you said or just be confused.

5. If your Aspergers partner has certain quirks (e.g., not wanting to talk on the phone), understand that it may be related to Aspergers. Confront him about the issue if it bothers you, and explain why.

6. Ease him into large social situations (e.g., parties or group outings). Understand if he is overwhelmed or decides not to go with you. He might prefer being alone or with less people.

7. Don’t be alarmed if your Aspergers man is confused by romantic gestures (e.g., hugging or kissing). Stop if needed, but also try explaining what the gestures mean, or suggest going to a relationship counselor together so you can work on your partner’s relationship skills.

8. Don’t assume your Aspergers man is uninterested just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Decide what you think of him and let him know. After he is aware of your attraction and isn’t confused about nonverbal gestures and flirtation, it might be easier for him to decide if he feels the same way.

3 comments:

One reader had this to say: "It’s just so frustrating that I have to change ME for the sake of my HFA husband. He is so self-centered (obviously) and so I have to engage in interests that he is interested in, I have to speak in a way that he can handle, I have to have no expectations of him whatsoever, where’s the help for us wives? I've had a horrible last 5 days with this man who mopes around, lies in a fetal position, all this while I pamper to him and give him what he wants so as to keep the peace in the home for my children's sake and I'm starting to think, you can't give what you haven't got. I am incredibly miserable, but, in sickness and in health hey, 23 years of marriage down so I'll keep pushing on. Sad lonely existence! He certainly doesn't consider me or our children in anything, it’s all about him and it’s so hard living with this person when it’s all one sided."

I have been in a frienship with an suspected aspie man for 6 years, helped him through a relationship breakup and became a kind of gf without benefits! One of he's long time friends told me he was very interested in me romantically and to have patience with him and to take it slow. So that's what I did, continued being supportive, inviting him to my place for coffee, chatting and having innocent fun times. He started to kind of interview me about my past, showed signs of jealousy with regard to my ex husband and complained to a mutual friend about my ex. Moving on, he started to ask about the future and where I saw myself, what my religious and political beliefs were, daily habits and routines. During this phase he started to stare at me a lot, stumble over words and blush!!! He also started "running into me" unexpectedly outside of our weekly catch-up. I thought he was crushing on me, and I felt the same however I think I was handling it better than he was. Anyway, I asked him out, just a Sunday brunch to which he said he would really like that, but it never eventuates, he always makes an excuse not to commit! Then he disappeared! Stop returning calls and texts. He still manages to turn up unexpectedly and recently waved and smiled and beckoned me to come to him to talk. I was in a hurry and couldn't oblige right then, so I waved and smiled and drove off. The following week I called to see him at work, to explain and to say hi back! He said he was too busy to chat but another time would be great, I said terrific! Then as I turned to work off, he said "I wish you would just go away and leave me alone, I just want to be by myself, I don't need you as a friend blah blah! I said that made me really sad and that I would respect he's wishes and he would not hear from me again to which he replied, "let me come to you when I'm ready please". Any advice about what I should think about this behaviour? Is he in a bad place? Not quite over the past relationship to which he has a small child? Scared of starting a romantic relationship with me? I feel quite confused and very sad, I really thought we had a great chance as partners down the track. Can any guys help with the possible issues he might have at the moment, thanks guys.