Ask EveryJoe: Help! I Caught My Girlfriend in Bed with a Man

Johnson Jones answers your questions about relationships, dating, sex and anything else that has to do with chicks. Contact him at askeveryjoe@gmail.com to get your question answered.

I caught my girlfriend in bed with another man … BUT the guy I caught her with is supposedly gay. She said nothing happened and they were just watching soaps. Should I buy this story? — Steve in St. Louis

Man, don’t be a sucker. Sure, he might actually be gay, but your girl could have at least shown you enough respect to sit on the couch — or even the floor. Getting in bed with another man knowing she could get caught is just a way to flex her dominance over you. She knew you wouldn’t do anything — and she was right.

And I hate to tell ya but I know a dude who runs that game. He claims to be gay, becomes besties with all the hot chicks in the neighborhood and then waits for the ladies to drop their guard. Once that happens, he moves in for the kill with the line: “You make me think I might not be gay after all”. He taps hella booty with that shtick, I’m telling you.

I showed my wife an article about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett having an open marriage. Her only response was “that’s interesting.” Is this an open invitation to start going down that road? — Mr. Hopeful in Sonoma Valley

Probably not. She likely was just brushing you off. But, hell, if you want to explore, it won’t hurt to push it a little bit. Ask her what she thought was interesting. Try to make her explain whether she’s philosophically opposed. But be prepared to retreat completely at the first sign of resistance — you don’t wanna catch five across the face by going too far down this treacherous road.

As for Will Smith and his wife unit, he has the advantage of being worth hundreds of millions of dollars. All those zeros make it easier for Big Willie to poke where he wanna poke.

Hey Joe, I’ve been married about four years now, and all of a sudden she’s bellowing out what I can only describe as pirate shanties — you know, “yo ho ho and a bottle of rum”. Making matters worse, it’s in a weird, pseudo-masculine voice. I asked her to stop, to which she annoyingly replied: “I’ll try.” What do I do? More »