If there's ever a time you can't find me, don't worry. I'm doing alright. I'm probably hiding out somewhere counting my blessings, mumbling something about sunshine, wondering how much love I can live in a lifetime.

– Shihan the Poet

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Notes from my 65th trip (Light of Christ)

You ever get to that point in life where you ask yourself, "how did I get here?" That is what I ask myself everyday. I mean I consider myself a pretty diligent person. I could be better, but I try. I try honestly. I do everyday w/ a sincere intention of bettering myself, but I can't get it to work. It's like flipping on a light switch and standing in the darkness, in confusion, to why it didn't work.

I live in a very, very strange world.

How difficult it is for people to admit they are human.

Are we all not just looking for something that lasts forever?

I think it is always important to remember that whatever mistakes that you have made in the past, that at the time when they happened, you were doing as best as you knew given all that you had learned up until that point.

"We really don't know what calls someone away."

I know hundred upon thousands upon millions of people have passed through this earth, but I want you to know Dennis, that goddamn, you mattered. See you on the other side brother.

I think it is an important lesson to learn that often reality can turn out to be the exact opposite of our expectations.

It's when you can't sleep, where then do you run?

The sad part of a relationship is when the words no longer matter. The binding principle they once had to something true begins to fade. They revert back to words.

Sandra, it is important you remember that you, at the center of your heart, are the one in command. You tell these thoughts to stay or go. You choose what to believe and what to disregard. You are in the driver's seat. Never for get that.

Meeting people who have never been hurt is just kind of a bland experience.

I used to get upset at Flora for breaking promises, but now that I am living the consequences of mine, I begin to wonder if I too am a liar.

I truly believe that everyone, at some point, is on the bring of collapse from beneath their fingertips.

I think the reason I am afraid to see my cousin is because he is someone that used to believed so fully in the worlds that I may no longer believe.

Haley. If his heart broke anywhere near the proximity of how my heart has been broken, it is not easy to put it all back together. It is not easy to just 'figure it out'. When you feel that the world has collapsed onto your chest, it imprisons you. It is hard to move. I mean physically hard to move. We can't make sense of anything, let alone our own lives. Just be kind to that.

How you truly feel about someone will be shown in the absence.

Life will put a brother at your post when you need it. Have faith in that.

I feel like my life is a complete mess, a compilation of unfinished projects and half-hearted attempts. Lies to myself, basically. I think when we recognize our role in being fed lies, then we can change.

It is important to be grateful for the moment as you are living it.

It's not really about coming up w/ something new. It's more about saying it at the right time. Therein lies the artistry.

All the things where we say to ourselves, "I wish I would have started this earlier." Shouldn't we be equally thankful that we found it at all?

The destination sought after every journey is back to our own heart.

Ceu da Divinas Aguas, The Heaven of the Divine Waters. Hell yeah.

I dedicated myself to Flora, knowing full-well that I was not guaranteed to receive in return what I would give. It's probably something I should have through about more at the time. Oh well. It's already done.