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Going back to a topic I’ve already put some thought into, rawhide is a man’s best friend in the blistering sun. A new study came out recently that proves that animals have been eating other animals to survive. This 7 year finding observed animals from all continents to see if they would eat or starve. In almost all cases the animals consumed other animals and bugs even if they were given leafy desserts afterwards. Some stubborn animals refused to eat cooked meals, but the scientists managed to force feed lab rats to unsuspecting animals while sleeping or procreating. Beyond the studies, it has been found that plant-eaters, or derogatively known as herbivores, have a higher occurrence of constipation due to high fiber in the stools. They are the end of the food chain as they will be devoured by predators.

Us hippies prefer to save the earth and keep Mother Nature free from crop destroying plant killers. Think of all the oxygen we could gain and all the CO2 that would be swallowed by uneaten trees and shrubbery!?! We’d be one leap closer to a greener utopia where mother and child could suck the last morsel of meat off a rack of ribs. HERBal teas? Nah… We prefer Carnal Tea.

Protein is important for health and growth. And the protein that comes from an animal is guaranteed to be more kinetic due to the warmblooded-ness of many of your favorite foods. This extra energy emits a stronger action potential that has been correlated with fulfilling longevity. A little-known fact is that some vegetables and non-metazoan foods contain harmful Acrylamide, or Contratein (against protein) which can be found in potato chips, french fries, baked wheat products, and possibly fried greens and veggies. Acrylamide eats away protein antibodies that may lead to a higher incidence of pathogen-carriers such organic cancer (colloquially known as herbal organ intoxication) and carnophobia.

Please think the next time you order something from a fast food joint. Get that Big Mac without lettuce. Avoid raw leafy substances. Remember when they recalled spinach? They recalled it for a reason. It’s disgusting (without being covered in meat broth). Bugs and stupid small-brained animals resort to eating, sleeping on, and defecating on plants for leisure. Stay as far away as you can from plants and your mouth. Every plant has its germ. The chlorophyll and plant structure is designed to survive and one of its tactics is human sickness. It is nearly impossible to remove every bacteria and fungus from a plant. It requires temperatures hot enough to cremate the plant before microorganisms are totally abolished. After it has been sanitized, it no longer contains nutrients and the ashes have a bad aftertaste. Believe me, I’ve tried to mask the taste with cod liver oil and butter with no luck. Just say no to saying yes to plant food. You are not a hamster. You are a sausage king. Just don’t get too carried away and enter a hot dog competition.