Blah Blah Flowers

I'm from the Awesome and I'm here to save you.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The World Without Technology. Or perhaps, slightly more accurately, 'The History of Technology (Guest-Starring The World Without Technology as an Encore)'. A fascinating essay that's well worth a read.

All people have done is raise the possibility of things really kicking off, and they are right to do so, but we don't have brilliantly accurate information... Someone has said 120 million could die. Well I suppose they could: I'm sure it was done on the back of an envelope, by guessing how many would be infected, and what proportion would die, but I don't think anyone's pretending otherwise... By Tuesday, pundit-seekers from the media were suddenly contacting me, a massive nobody, to say that swine flu is all nonsense and hype... I assumed they were adhering, robotically, to the "balance" template... [he said] "Yeah, but you know, it could be like Sars and bird flu, they didn't materialise, they were hype." Simon Jenkins suggested the same thing. It's not true, I said. They were risks, risks that didn't materialise, but they were still risks. That's what a risk is. I've never been hit by a car, but it's not idiotic to think about it. Simon Jenkins won't be right if nobody dies, he'll be lucky, like the rest of us.

New Scientist have an expert analysis which seems hopeful at the moment but also reminds us that there just hasn't been sufficient time for detailed analysing to be done yet.

The Internet Have Broke me Agains!

Go to Rich Johnson's Lying in the Gutters column for the 27th of April 2009, then scroll down a quarter of the page to the item 'Devil Woman'. It's Barack Obama as Conan, fighting an elephant being ridden by a barbarian Sarah Palin. This is apparently from an upcoming comic series. I have not yet worked out whether I think this is the BESTEST thing ever or the WORSTEST.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

News

I don't know if, like me, you were disappointed when the giant Flupocalypse of 2003 didn't wipe out all the life on the planet that had worked out how to get the fire out of the rocks. We weren't prepared, we didn't have enough vaccines, Osama Bin Laden was working out how to teach ducks with a cough to hijack planes, and yet, we survived, we go on, and we wonder whether Joss Whedon will ever make another TV show that goes beyond a series. But don't worry, just because Avian Bird Flu didn't get us, those dirty birds have teamed up with pigs and, it would seem, Mexicans? to give us a new killer virus to worry about. This does lead to the interesting question: Has Michelle Malkin already reached the maximum that she can hate Mexicans or will this enable her to take her racism to new heights? We'll wait and see.

The comments on this article are typical of the great minds of the world vomiting forth into the electro-ether.

I strongly feel that children and elderly people will be at risk from this killer flu the most.

Harpreet, Stafford.

Everyone seems to have decided to ignore the second page of the article, where it says:

Avian flu, which has killed 250 people since 2003

Look at that. The media went batshit-mental back then, convincing us we were all going to die and, like the MMR vaccine scare, it turned out not to be the case. Two hundred and fifty people? That's nothing. Somali pirates have killed more than that, and they bankrupt themselves in millet seed for their parrots. So I see no reason for keeping on keeping on and not worry that we're going to all be killed until, perhaps, people start falling ill?

These medical sounding scares based on absolutely no evidence are one of the many reasons why I don't bother to pay for news any more.

Meanwhile Tory MP Nadine Dorries sues someone over something. Nadine Dorries is a fairly obscure MP only well known to followers of the Westminster soap opera that is the House of Commons for her Sarah Palin-like ability to seize and repeat the stupid in any subject that gets her interest. She's normally pretty quiet between bouts of conservative Christian sponsored attempts to get the date by which a woman can have an abortion put back to eight months before her own birth. I'm not sure if she can successfully sue someone over suggesting to someone else that they spread a rumour she had an affair if they don't do it, even if the only reason they didn't might be because they were revealed to be thinking about it, but her primary reason for this bout of legal action is presumably to keep it in the news as long as possible in the lead up to the next general election. Of course, one doesn't need to tell lies in order to recognise them...

Sarah Palin- The Gift That Keeps on Giving.

A.B. Culvahouse, a powerful Washington lawyer and former counsel to President Reagan, told an audience of Republican lawyers that for McCain, selecting a vice president came down to three questions: Why do you want to be vice president? Are you prepared to use nuclear weapons? And the CIA has identified Osama bin Laden, but if you take the shot there will be multiple civilian casualties. Do you take the shot?

"She knocked those questions out of the park," he said at an event held at the National Press Club by the Republican National Lawyers Association. "We came away impressed."

Even now, it's still worrying to think such morons nearly took control of the most powerful country on the planet. Thank their goodness they chose hope over stupidity.

Police Attacking Public Again

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Innocent Smoothies: All Aboard the FAIL Train

If you've been following Internet trends then you'll know that before the thing about Amazon celebrating 'dead guy on stick' day by hiding all the queer stuff before Jehova comes round the thing was about Innocent Smoothies deciding that goodwill and customer loyalty doesn't mean nothing in a recession and selling thirty percent of their soul to Coca-Cola. They've been very open about it, and if you email them you too can get the largely pro forma response that they send to everyone.

I also wrote to them, got the standard response, replied criticising the standard response and asking about the research they claimed they did that told them that it was all right to sell out to Coke (although being all ex-advertisers they... (and you can all work out the humorous joke based on the double meaning of Coke for yourselves)) and was told:

I was an idiot and made a dumb and inappropriate refrence to 'people that write books' about coke (I think in just one email) which I regret, have apologised for, and will certainly not write again...

In terms of due diligence, I spoke to leading members in the ngo sector, consulted with independent CSR representatives and yes, read up on coke's side of the story at www.cokefacts.com.

I didn't press the point which I sort of regret now of asking exactly which NGOs they talked to (it'll be useful to know what NGOs if any support Coke) but it just goes to show, when money is at stake, people accept their prejudices over alternate viewpoints. After all, why pay attention to what people who do research and write books say?

Thursday, April 09, 2009

I'm sitting reading a book when a gargantuan creature comes lumbering over, and marches me to what might or might not be a scaffold. After a few adjustments... the creature nods.

The creature is, of course, a nurse and yes, my BMI is OK. Hers, however, is not. But we are not here to measure her BMI...

Other normal-sized friends have been told by giant doctors that they are fat... Because it is surreal, I'm afraid, to be lectured on your weight by someone whose mass of accumulated adipose tissue is considerably greater than yours.

No one expects nurses to look like supermodels, or lap dancers, or air hostesses, or even like anything that might ever have inspired an erotic fantasy... but you don't expect them all to look like Hattie Jacques either. And at least Hattie Jacques knew how to smile. You might, however, reasonably expect the custodians of the nation's health not to look as though they were about to consume the GDP of Iceland in medication for diabetes, and you might expect the custodians of the nation's health to at least have glanced at some of the leaflets on obesity they so lugubriously hand out.

Between this, their hysterical about-face on the legalisation of Cannabis and their continued employment of Deborah 'immigrant homosexuals follow me around to have gay sex in front of my children' Orr it does seem this once great paper is now slowly trying to position itself as the broadsheet Daily Mail.