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I
have been bunking here. Like summer giving way to monsoons, lot has been
happening and suddenly. I am trying to slip into a routine mode. And, today
after long, I found the quiet, the hush.

Late
afternoon lunch, a story or two and some solid pillow wrestling later; I bring coffee
and then I mull about a bit, a movie? Some more of Al Jazeera or just some good solid reading
until I find a resonating half a sentence among the mental scraps!

A
raveling, a glimmer, a tenuous thread… Nirvaan looks angelic in his
concentrating-on-ant-family look!

It
is, this quite mundanely magical moment of everyday, a half formed sentence, a playful
child, distant car horns, the general afternoon sun and sky… something from nothing and then back that
tucks tiredness falling in front of my eyes back like stray locks.

And
even if it is a very small thing, a single purposeful gesture, it is often
enough.

I
had no idea when I first began, first time the motherhood sunk in, first time
‘everything’ else sunk in… No idea that two and half year, a toddler, couple of
organizations and a university semester later, I could finally be in this
peaceful space. The space I always knew was hiding behind that rock yonder.

In
the times I was contemplating amongst other things; getting up and moving out
and keep moving, raising the child like those gypsies (yes, the very one, I am
at my core) or selling this place and making him a trust fund huge enough to
see him through till his late 20s before leaping off that cliff or this ledge;
I was peeling off the layers and mining the real self.

I
had grown used to watching the day pass from the windows.

So,
I gave up taking everything, I gave up saying ‘yes’ to everything, I gave up
being bitter, I gave up pretending for others’ sake, I gave up sweet coating
and I gave up being critical.And
I forgave. I skirted around being a trash can!

And,
the world turned to spring! Yes, the harsh summers still here and frozen
winters still don’t thaw easily and it still pours when it rains!

There
is something to persisting, to showing up, and showing up, and finishing; to
discovering that you are capable of more. It’s the only way, really, to find
that out: to do the hard stuff, the impossible stuff!