Sunday, May 17, 2015

Being at the CrimeFest convention in
Bristol this weekend has provided a lot of food for thought, mainly about our
relationships with other people, how we perceive ourselves, and how we develop
our characters.

It was perhaps some form of karma,
therefore, that I came across a link online to a blog on EmAndLo.com which referred to a piece in the New
York Times from January this year. The article claimed that anyone could
fall in love with a stranger by asking them certain questions and then staring
into their eyes for four minutes. The blog suggested that it could be used as a
means of cutting through the does-he/doesn’t-he, will-she/won’t-she uncertainty
of early dating.

It would be an interesting exercise not only to try on a first
date, but also to a character. In my case I think it will prove very useful for
filling in those awkward pauses that sometimes occur during social occasions with
comparative strangers. Try ’em and see what you think:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world,
whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what
way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you
ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day
for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To
someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of
90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of
your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you
will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner
appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most
grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the
way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner
your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having
gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the
truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you
want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed
of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of
your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would
die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play
in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you
consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five
items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do
you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship
with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each.
For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had
someone with whom I could share …”

27. If you were going to become a close
friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her
to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about
them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone
you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing
moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of
another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you
like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be
joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no
opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having
told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you
own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to
safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose
death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your
partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to
reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have
chosen.

And if you haven’t actually bludgeoned the
other person to death by this point – or had an almost overwhelming urge to do
so – then the final stage is to stare into each other’s eyes for four full,
SILENT minutes. They suggest that after this you kiss, but a firm handshake and
rapid departure may also be the order of the day …

This week’s Word of the Week is catafalque, a wonderful word I found in
Kate Griffin’s book. It means a decorated wooden framework, bier or box
supporting the coffin of a distinguished person during a funeral or while lying
in state.

10 comments:

Okay, I've read the questions and imagined your answers. Now it's on to four minutes of starting at your sunglasses in the no fixed abode photo. Frankly, this whole exercise is unnecessary as I already know I'm hopelessly in love with you. :) Love to all in Bristol.

Oh, and, for the first time I knew that word. Sadly, anyone who was in the US watching TV on November 25, 1963 heard it from the lips of Walter Cronkite, describing the funeral of our dear president. It's a good word, but it still chills my soul.

Any pair that made it through all 36 questions would definitely be a good match, regardless of the 4-minute stare. Either they'd be desperately in love with each other, or both be into S & M... Exhausting! But probably of more use in revealing yourself to yourself than to someone else.

Yes, I'd heard catafalque before somewhere, too, but didn't have a clue what it meant.

My problem (well one of 'em) is that my memory is so weird. Great in some areas, terrible in others. If someone asked me what my best and worst memories were, I honestly would not be able to tell them, because I just don't remember things that way.