Posted
by
samzenpus
on Sunday January 13, 2013 @11:11PM
from the I've-been-sweating-like-a-sucker dept.

You may soon have another option to lose weight other than dieting and exercise thanks to Dean Kamen. The inventor has designed a pump that can suck the cheeseburgers out of your stomach and replace it with water. From the article: "The pump was invented by Dean Kamen, the same man who brought you the Segway, and perhaps more fittingly, a breakthrough dialysis machine. This pump works by routing a tube directly into the user's stomach and then sucking out some of the gooey, masticated goodness. The user then squeezes a little plastic bag to replace that volume of stomach-stew with water. Sounds great, right? There are some catches though. It hasn't been approved by the FDA yet, and some of the users in the tests had problems with certain foods like 'cauliflower, broccoli, Chinese food, stir fry, snow peas, pretzels, chips, and steak.' Oh, also there's a tube going into your stomach that you use to pump unpuked vomit into the toilet. Participants in trial studies did manage to lose about half of their excess weight this way, around 45 pounds on average, so apparently it works."

so I will spend $60 in a glorious dinner. then this tube will puke it for me. sounds stupid

Sure. If you needed the nutrition provided by your $60 dinner then puking through a tube would indeed be stupid. Obviously you haven't taken a few seconds to consider the target market for this product.

For fatties who don't need the food but love eating this is the perfect solution. I imagine version 2 will attach directly into your stomach through your chest and do away with all that hassle of sticking a tube down your throat. Then restaurants will be able to have an all-you-can-eat icecream bar that never needs refilling... from external sources. You pay a cover change plus whatever the difference is in your weight between when you arrive and when you leave.

And don't listen to anyone who tells you you don't need this machine and to just eat less. Why deny yourself the orally fixated pleasure of eating? Screw the starving kids in Africa. It's your right to eat that $60 meal and then pour it down the toilet when you're done. Your _RIGHT_ goddammit.

These foods also happen to be inexpensive. And cuts down on all types of "impulse eating" as you ask yourself "Do I really want to spend 15 minutes on a snack or can I wait?" Of course, this practical advice doesn't make a guy on TV any money and doesn't make a mega-corp any money and doesn't sell books on a talk show...

Some of Dean Kamen's inventions, and they are far too many to list, are serious and lifesaving or serious and useful. Some are astonishing like the whhelchair that lifts the person in it to standing height when they need to. Other inventions of his are kind of fun but rather silly. My personal favourite is an analog clock with oval gears that slows down during work hours and speeds up during lunch break.

The tube should ameliorate some of the dangerous effects of repeated exposure to gastric acids by the sensitive tissues and teeth of the mouth and throat, so there is that...

Sure, but the same benefits can be achieved via do-it-yourself nasogastric intubation, using a length of latex tubing and a hand-pump from the hardware store. No surgery, no inter-abdominal infection vector, no awkward situations in the bedroom or airport, and a total investment equivalent to a plateful of cheeseburgers.

There are many reasons for people to be fat but the ONLY mechanism is cramming your face with calories. Regardless of glands, mental health or family history you body cant just pull mass out of fat air, it needs to be fed. An intelligent diet and exercise are the cheapest and best solution to America's weight problem. Unless the person is not in charge of their own diet then there is no one to blame for their 300lb ass but themselves.

You seem to think that the plastic bag is inside the stomach. Not true. The water is just injected into the stomach through the tube that was being used to pump the juices out. It probably also acts as a cleaning agent so the tube does not become clogged.

Yes exactly. People use this "starvation mode" thing as an excuse. When I'm having trouble losing weight, I go back to first principles: If I don't put calories into my body, I will lose weight. Works every time.

Simple way to lose weight: drink 1-2 glasses of water (16oz+) BEFORE you eat anything. Start all meals by chugging a bunch of water and you will feel fuller sooner and not desire to eat as much. Of course, this doesn't address the nutritional value of your diet, but if you are seriously over weight and need to lose some, this will probably work if you stick to it.

That might be a little high. I mean, not everyone "loves eating". Some of us eat because we are hungry. Some of us don't even eat every time we get hungry, but put it off for awhile. Some of us get up, and leave the dinner table before we feel "full".

In my own personal slice of the world, far less than half of the people I know are "fat". Far fewer are "obese". Many of us could stand to lose 20 to 50 pounds, but that is merely "overweight". At a guess, most of those who are either physically fit, or a little bit overweight don't exactly "love eating". We just eat to stay healthy, for the most part.