The Mons Venus strip club in Tampa, Florida is being sued by a paraplegic man who alleges the club violates the Americans With Disabilities Act by having no wheelchair ramps, a hostess stand too far off the ground, and an inaccessible bathroom and jukebox, among other violations. Man, that’s just cold. Nobody is more ready for a lap dance than a guy already sitting down. But the owner says the building is exempt as it was built before the Americans With Disabilities Act was made law. This is the same owner whose picture at the news site was helpfully captioned, “Mons Venus owner Joe Redner is known as the father of the nude lap dance.” Our only regret is that we won’t be able to honestly engrave “Father of the Nude Lap Dance” on our tombstones. We still will, it just won’t be honest.

In other strip club news, Christina Gamble of Quakertown, Pennsylvania is charged with three third-degree felonies for fraudulently collecting worker’s compensation. Gamble claimed she was unable to work after a fall while working as a waitress. She allegedly told her doctor that “standing and changing positions were a problem.” Seven days later she was spotted very ably working the pole at a nearby strip club. Some positions were more of a problem than others, we suppose.

Also spotted doing something he should have kept a little more secret was 63-year-old John France of Ohio. His wife, Lynn, had been looking for him and their two young sons for awhile, finally finding him on Facebook when his new, 25-year-old, beautician student wife in Florida loaded their wedding pictures onto her Facebook page. The husband claims his and Lynn’s Italian marriage license was never filed, so he didn’t have to file a divorce before remarrying the woman who surely loves him for who he is, not what’s in his bank accounts.

But Lynn France wasn’t the angriest person who found secret photos this week. That distinction goes to the Drake University student in Des Moines, Iowa who found pictures and videos of himself on his frat brother’s computer. These weren’t the typical passed-out fratboy pictures involving permanent markers and balancing acts with empty beer cans. The victim instead witnessed his frat brother performing sex acts on his passed-out body. We didn’t realize Derrick Comedy’s Bro Rape sketch was a documentary.

A burglar in Sarnia, Ontario decided to cut out the middleman and fence his loot himself. The burglar placed approximately $40,000 worth of woodworking machinery, tools, and other belongings in the driveway, made price tags and a wooden sign that advertised “Tools For Sale”, and held a garage sale from 9:30 AM to 4 PM. (Arbroath)

A Chinese man who was missing for two days was finally found in the toilet pit he had fallen into. What a sh*tter. (Metro)

Jon Fussle is running for County Commissioner in Kosciusko County, Indiana. He took to Twitter to let his constituents know how sore he was going to be after his upcoming “barebacking” excursion. Sixteen hours later, he found out the other meaning of the word. (BuzzFeed)

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A recent Angus Reid Public Opinion of Canadians, Britons, and Americans poll found that more Canadians freely admit to swearing when talking to their friends (56% of Canadians, compared to 51% of Britons and 46% of Americans). When reached for comment, a Canadian told us, “Blow it oot your a**, eh.” [VancouverSun]

As part of Google’s plan to take over the world scan every book in existence, they needed to come up with an estimate of how many books are out there. Their estimate? 129,864,880. It’s a little off, though. In the time it took them to calculate that, James Patterson released 700 more books. [TheNextWeb]