Thursday, April 16, 2009

Wrestling Has Always Been Stupid

Recently, Joey Babbysack wrote about how disgraceful the current WWE product is, how disrespectful to the legends of the business. John Cena, it seems, doesn't respect the boys in the back enough. He makes a laughingstock of men who were serious athletes and amazing performers. Would Ric Flair wear a belt with a spinner? Would Lou Thesz? Of course not! These were men. Serious men.

Lou Thesz may have wrestled a bear, but dammit, he made that bear respect the business. Ric Flair may have been a comedy performer, filling every match with goofy pratfalls and occasionally showing his ass (literally), but he did it respectfully.

At least this seems to be Babbysack's unironic contention, seemingly unaware that wrestling has always been intended for eternal adolescents and the mentally retarded. Wrestling is stupid, disposable and throw away entertainment. It has been for years. No one has ever taken it seriously and noone ever will. It is inherently ridiculous, filled with pumped up gays pretending to fight and sneering at each other and the audience.

Not only that, but your legends are all whores. Lou Thesz would have worn the Spinner Belt, done the job for Chyna, and kissed Vince's ass. Because he was a phony and a money grubbing jackass. They all are. These are your heroes Babbysack. These are your heroes.

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6-3-94 Manifesto

In the days of ancient Rome men tried to best each other physically by imposing their will on one other. Sometimes this lead to the death of one of the competitors. Sometimes it lead to a friendship or brotherhood bond being formed. More often than not it ended with the two dudes fucking the shit out of each other. Faggotry and wrestling have long had a mutually parasitic relationship. Where faggotry is afoot wrestling cannot be far behind. Where there is wrestling you can rest assured that faggotry is nearby, jerking off furiously. This is the way it has always been and the way it shall always be. Though men have tried to change this dynamic throughout the ages they have all failed. Spandex, pyrotechnics, midgets, fake tits and sports entertainment cannot mask the overwhelming scent of gay that always accompanies wrestling. You can always be certain of these three things: The sun always rises in the morning, politicians always lie and wrestling will always be gay as fuck. We are merely observers; scribes charged with the duty of recording, analyzing and mocking this faggotry. These are our words.