Question

Our babysitter scares our toddler into behaving. Should I ask her to stop?

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When my daughter starts getting out of control or having a tantrum, our babysitter tells her that the police are coming, there's a ghost in the room, or something else to scare her out of it. The tactic usually works, but I don't think it's a good way to discipline a child. Should I ask her to stop?

Mom Answers

I am the mom of three boys I will not say I know all about discipline but scaring them is not what I would recommend. I would think it might cause undue fear in other areas while not teaching anything. I would maybe think of solutions that work for you and suggest them to your sitter.

Tell her to stop or you will find another sitter. That is an awful way to deal with a situation. You don't want your child to be afraid of the police, she needs to know she can go to them if there is an emergency. Definitly tell your sitter to find another way.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but what mother would advocate keeping this sitter and continuing to pay her to emotionally abuse your daughter?? This sitter's behavior is totally uncalled for and inapropriate!

Wow, Thats not good in my opinion. Kids are so trusting of everyone, i think, although it works for the moment. In the long run it might have an effect on her trusting people. Not to mention nightmares about ghosts in the house.
Her babysitter is someone who she should be able to depend on and trust. She is one of the people teaching her on a day to day basis. I would have a talk with her and ask her to find a better way of dealing with your upset child.

Get rid of this awful sitter! Even if you tell her to stop, she will probably continue doing it anyway when your away. She sounds like she is totally clueless about children, and to be honest, sounds emotionally abusive. She could cause long term psychological damage. Police are there to help, and kids should be taught that they are the good guys in case of an emergency. What on earth is wrong with this person?!

Please pardon my bluntness, but time to find a new babysitter!! How awful and inappropriate to frighten a child to get them to behave! There are other, better ways. Your child isnt learning anything but fear. And teaching a child to fear the police is a very bad thing. Kids should be taught that police officers are their friends and are there to help and protect them. Telling a child there is a ghost in the room is just downright mean. Kids believe these things exist, and this could give your child nightmares or fears at night. This babysitter sounds awful and i would get a new one right away. Your child should feel safe during the day, not frightened. This babysitter doesnt sound like she really knows how to handle children or stressful situations. She doesnt really sound fit to BE a babysitter. Get someone else right away. Your childs emotional well being sounds like it is at stake.

Sam, this sounds like a no-brainer. Why would you let someone come into your home and scare your daughter into submission?
She's your child. The sitter is, I assume, a paid employee. Insist that he/she adheres to the same child-rearing and disiplinary techniques that you use or let him/her find another job. He/she is probably just doing it because it works quickly. But you have to think about the long term consequences on your daughter - of developing unfounded fears of the police, fearing things that she can't see or does not understand, and learning to behave only when she's forced to do so.
If the babysitter doesn't want to make the effort to work with your daughter to bring her behaviour into line in an acceptable way, find another babysitter.

I dont believe the sitter is right in scaring her when shes in trouble. My nephew is scared of certain things because he was told the cops were coming for him if he was bad... and he is also afraid of monkeys.. most likely for the same reason; he was scared into it. The sitter should find a new means to draw attention away from the tantrum and let the child learn that she shouldnt throw a tantrum but tell the sitter whats wrong in another way.. less stressful. Maybe you could find her a book on those things and she could learn different techniques . good luck! :)

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