Way to ruin a surprise, faggots. Anyways, on with the juicy tidbits I'm sure you're eager to devour:

FORWARD

This project has been a slow process of methodical theorizing, planning, and absurd levels of craftsmanship on my part. Many parts have been made to tolerances of thousandths of an inch. Since I don't expect anyone within reason to be able to duplicate the work, I decided to be a bit less literal with the specifics of what is being done.

And no, I won't make you one.

A plan was formulated under the requested premise.The weapon of legend can only be crafted from the finest materials. Its framework is carved from crystallized dragon tears, which are then affixed together using unrefined mithril shards.The ram rods were hewn from orc bones, then ground and polished by elvish craftsmen over a fortnight.With the seance to commune with the spirits of the finest swordsmiths of the Third Age successful, they have bestowed upon me through an arcane buff the abilities of their heraldry.I have test-assembled the crafted pieces just as they had appeared in the vision that followed that bestowal.They will later be adhered using a mixture mostly comprised of a modicum of minotaurs blood, and copious amounts of silk from the spider queen.I searched the wilderness for the supplies needed to imbue the crossbow shell with the essence of an elder god. I then performed the ritual with great efficacy.Likewise the shell of the splitfire was bound to the spirit of a most powerful and amicable familiar.With the guidance of the elder god, I crafted the plunger handle from the front talon of a griffon. I also set forth to to secure the plunger tube to the crossbow shell through abutments of crystallized dragon tears.The trigger too is made of the same material, but only the smokiest and saltiest portions of the crystallized tears were used. The curvature of said trigger is eventually smoothed out using the finest elven tools.To guard from the most powerful of dark magic, the breech was forged from black meteoric ore using a dwarven furnace. It provides a poignant mystical contrast next to the brutality of the orc bone.

Edited by Groove, 28 March 2009 - 11:49 PM.

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The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee. I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?

The spider silk emulsion was applied and then left to coagulate under the light of a harvest moon. The fused parts are now inextricable.The crossbow shell has been carved to the nines for the coupling with the splitfire.Attachment point escutcheons are added and the fixture evaluated. The bond is confirmed to be stalwart.A unicorn horn was cut to length and then hollowed out to make the barrel sheath.An underbelly scale from an elder dragon was moderately adapted into a catchplate using modified arrowhead knapping techniques pioneered by the Second Age elvish archers.The plunger rod has been extruded from refined mithril ore, and the plunger head alchemized from a seer's stone.I bartered with a nomad to obtain this manticore stinger.The finished article was brought to clerical authorities and bitten blessed by Baby Raptor JesusThe work is complete. A choir of demigoddesses will sing upon its arrival in the arms of the bearer it was destined to be wielded by.

Edited by CaptainSlug, 30 March 2009 - 09:32 PM.

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The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee. I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?

Slug, I know I've told you this already, but I'm just going to come out and say it. You're a fucking Master Weaponsmith. I can't even imagine the kind of theorizing and measuring you had to do to make this happen, and for that I am truly thankful.

Looking forward to seeing what other sort of magical powers you can imbue upon this thing. Can you...possibly...make the barrel out of a hollowed horn from a Unicorn...?

Holy shit dude. Slug described this thing to me when Groove drove us up to meltdown, but the realization of it is much more impressive than I'd anticipated. A +bow in a crossbow shell. Did someone turn the thermostat up, cause it's getting a little hot in here.

<!--quoteo(post=209846:date=Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM:name=boom)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(boom @ Feb 5 2009, 06:27 PM) </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
It's to bad you live in hawaii I bet there are not many wars there.Wait what am I saying<b> you live in hawaii you lucky bastard.</b>
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Jesus Christ. At Meltdown, I told Groove I was hoping to see his new primary. He told me what it was. I anticipated the arrival. This thing is fucking amazing! Not only keeping the traditional and awesome guru look, but updating the internals to the newest, best thing. Awesome work Slug.

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. I do have one question. 1. Is it sturdy? 2. Is it top-heavy, or pretty evened weight? 3. How hard is it to hold on a scale of 1 to 10? Thanks in advance.

That would be three questions. It's back to remedial math for you.1. The innards of the crossbow are made from crystalized dragon tears. Of course it's sturdy. There isn't an ounce of duct tape, zip tie, bondo, or paint to be found on this. What you see is what was done.If Groove runs out of darts he could just bludgeon you to death with this if he so wishes. All he would need to do afterwards is clean the blood from his weapon and move on to the next victim.2. It's pretty well balanced. The finished blaster won't weigh much more than 2 pounds.3. "Hard to hold" rating: -3,000

Edited by CaptainSlug, 29 March 2009 - 03:17 PM.

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The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee. I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?

I'm simply amazed by the fact that the cut out for the splitfire is almost exactly flush, let alone the rest of the gun.

But I have to say, I am a bit disappointed. Not with your work, but with the fact that the Guru 3 is the same setup. I thought Groove had some awesome breakthrough and found a new synthesis of guns, none of which people would ever think to use. Something bold and new to own with. Like found some holy grail of Mech Tommy 20s or mavericks or something.

Anyway, still amazing work. This is a whole new standard on which Crossbows and Home mades should be marked up to. As you said, its a fusion of the +bow and the Crossbow. Throw some PVC on there and then it can take names of the SNAP, and be the most Effeminate spring primary ever.

The +bow honestly is a decedent on the SNAP. I wanted to make a SNAP-esque design that was more modular in construction, borderline overpowered, and very desirable ergonomics (kinda flubbed that on the first try).It becoming the successor of the Crossbow was a byproduct of me having accomplished all the goals I set for the project.

Edited by CaptainSlug, 29 March 2009 - 01:28 AM.

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The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee. I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?

I apologize for any part I had in that. I found it by accident and should have kept my mouth shut.

Anyway, unlike Bustaninja, I am overjoyed that Guru 3 is similar looking (and a vast technological improvement) to Guru 2. Why? Because The Guru is literally the defining blaster of the NIC for me. I may be getting a bit too into this, but I think the alteration of the Guru symbolically represents the direction the NIC is going in (in terms of modification cleanliness and functionality).

Anyway, great work-- This truly is the stuff of legends. I hope to see it sometime this summer.

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"If you watch jaws backwards it's about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach."