Tuesday, 28 July 2009

1. Sleepyhead RuleFundamentalist atheists begin an argument or debate by rambling on incoherently, usually about trivial and ultimately meaningless side issues, and have to be reminded to stay on the subject repeatedly.

2. "No! My beloved argument!"The arguments of a fundamentalist atheist will usually get annihilated in a spectacular fashion before the end of the debate, and often before the end of the first round.

3. Thinking With The Wrong HeadNo matter how outdated it is or how rejected it is by modern scholarship, a fundamentalist atheist will always be ready to argue vehemently for any atheist argument they read about on the internet three seconds ago.

4. Richard Carrier’s CorollaryThe aforementioned argument will be claimed to have been put forward by an eminent scholar/great thinker, is completely legitimate and accepted by academia, even when it is obvious that it is not.

5. Logan's Run RuleFundamentalist atheists are young. Very young. The average age seems to be 15, unless they are a decorated and battle-hardened atheist, in which case they might even be as old as 18. Such teenagers often believe they have skills with multiple specialist and scholarly fields, years of experience, and never ever worry about their parents telling them to come off the computer before bedtime. By contrast, fundamentalist atheists more than twenty-two years old will cheerfully refer to themselves as washed-up old fogies and be eager to make room for the younger generation.

6. Circular Reasoning RuleFundamentalist atheists with distinct conclusions and set of premises are almost unheard of. As a general rule, fundamentalists atheists will have a set of premises with at least one being identical to the conclusion. The other premises either mysteriously vanish or are never referred to at all. Frequently, the fundamentalist atheist's arguments will meet awkward ends just after the debate begins, thus freeing them of the inconvenient obligations of defending them.

7. Some Call Me... Tim?Fundamentalist atheists frequently get the names of things confused, mixed up, or just plain wrong.

8. Nominal RuleAny Christian scholar a fundamentalist atheist actually names is important and so their arguments are actually valid. However, if a fundamentalist atheist names an atheist scholar, they are instantly superfluous. This goes especially if the aforementioned scholars are part of a possessive noun.

9. The CompulsoriesThere is always an off-topic rant, a self-centred rant, an incoherent rant, an attempt at psychological projection, a cut and pasted rant, a boastful arrogant rant, a plethora or glib remarks and other meaningless non-sequiturs, an angry hate-filled rant, a senseless illogical rant and a bigoted anti-religious rant.

10. George Lucas RuleSpeaking of which, all religious institutions, especially the Christian Church, are evil. The Pope is an insidious evil mastermind who has tricked the world into following him, and is part of a millennia old plan to control the world and Christians are his evil agents. (Although somehow, non-Catholic Christians aren't exempt from this.)

11. Let's Start From The Very Beginning (Sam Harris Rule)Fundamentalist atheists frequently resort to using the same old arguments over and over again, even if they were refuted a few minutes ago.

12. Poor Little Rich Hero (Richard Dawkins' Rule)If the fundamentalist atheist comes from an educated and academic background, their professionalism and education will have inexplicably fallen on hard times and be broken and destitute by the time the debate actually starts.

13. The Higher The Tale, The Closer To God (Christopher Hitchens' Rule)The more outrageous the argument of a fundamentalist atheist is, the more important they believe it is.

14. O'Hair's PrincipleFundamentalist atheists frequently waltz into conversations like they were actually invited. They will usually just barge right in and start posting rants that most if not all Christians have heard and refuted before. They will often barge into other people’s discussions, insult them, and chat with them like they were old neighbours whilst they try try to be as inflammatory as possible.

15. Hey, I Know You!A fundamentalist atheist will accumulate at least three of these obligatory party members: o The angst-ridden teenager who is rebelling against their religious parents.o The brash, potty-mouthed narcissist who claims to have been an atheist all their life.o The intelligent atheist who won’t actually defend the fundamentalist atheist, but try and offer pointers.o The annoyingly boring vagrant who is rife with inner contradictions.o The big, loud, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.o The fundamentalist atheist’s best friend, who is actually more coherent than the fundamentalist atheist themselves.o The grim, agnostic who over the course of the debate, learns what it means to really be a Christian.o The atheist who is actually a poe for the Christians.o The weird bonus character who requires a bizarre series of side quests to make them effective.o The nauseatingly cute mascot who is useless in all debates.

16. Hey, I Know You, Too!A fundamentalist atheist will also confront/be confronted by at least three of these obligatory antagonists: o The amazingly intelligent and amazingly coherent, rational Christian who may or may not be the ‘ultimate villain’.o The Christian's loyal right-hand man, who comes in two versions: humorously witty or annoyingly logical.o The Christian’s even more intelligent associate, who is the strongest and most competent person in the debate.o The fundamentalist atheist’s former ally who supposedly "died" and was forgotten about, until later when he/she shows up again on the Christian’s side.o The irritatingly rational Christian whom the fundamentalist atheist never responds too.o The insane Christian joker who will turn out to be surprisingly difficult to subdue.o The Christian Scientist who likes creating powerful arguments 'cause it's fun (and also handy if uninvited fundamentalist atheists show up.)o The adorably cute six-year-old child who fights the fundamentalist atheist and, inexplicably, kicks their butt time after time.

17. Hey, I Know You, Three!Furthermore, a fundamentalist atheist will cite most of the following obligatory non-player characters (NPCs): o The person who argues aimlessly in circles and never quite makes their point.o Hilariously incompetent or unintellectual “free-thinkers”.o The ex-Christian who had a crisis of faith but cannot quite come to terms with it, so instead tells every other person who wanders by about it at great length.o A group of small children.o A scholar who is speaking outside of their field.o A scholar whose arguments are recognised by everybody but the fundamentalist atheist as actually supporting Christianity.o The person who is obsessed with their completely mundane argument and witters on endlessly about how great it is. They are so thrilled by it that they wants to share it with everyone they see, but given a quarter of a chance they'll make you do their research for them.o The adult who has nothing better to do than use kids' arguments against random passersby’s.o A group of young atheists who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of the Christian’s in the debate.

18. Crono's ComplaintThe less the a Christian talks, the more words are put into their mouth, and therefore the more the fundamentalist atheist rants on, through no fault of the Christian.

19. "Silly fundamentalist atheist, bringing a sword to a gunfight..."No matter that it is the 21st century a fundamentalist atheist will use arguments that date back to the 19th century. The fundamentalist atheist believes these arguments will be far more powerful than any scholarly argument and capable of addressing multiple subjects.

20. Just Nod Your Head And SmileAnd no matter how old that old argument is, fundamentalist atheists won’t seem to realise how woefully anachronistic it is. Despite that, everyone the fundamentalist atheist tries to use said argument against will laugh when these kind of arguments are used.

21. Acharya S’ CorollaryJust as the fundamentalist atheist will always use outdated and refuted arguments, the Christian they are debating will always use the latest scholarly material on the subject.

22. MacGuyver RuleUnlike fundamentalists atheists, the Christian’s they debate are not limited to old, refuted garbage that was refuted over a century ago. Given appropriate skills, they can cut a bloody swath across the continent using anthropology, sociology, textual criticism, linguistics, theology, philosophy -- you name it, they can refute a fundamentalist atheist with it. Even better, no matter how abstract the choice of argument, every Christian will just happen to use an even better version of it. Who else is running around the world refuting fundamentalist atheists using archaeology?

23. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (Daniel Dennett Rule)If a fundamentalist atheist actually makes a valid point, it will turn out to be either from a Christian source and actually refutes their position, or will only have been previously mentioned to them by the Christian they are debating.

24. Honesty Is A Harsh MistressOnce a fundamentalist atheist loses a debate, they instantly deny it the second someone asks them about it and they will pretend that the debate never took place.

25. Dimensional Transcendence PrincipleA fundamentalist atheist’s arguments will appear to have much more substance than they actually do. Whilst they write or speak volumes, only 10% will be anything remotely close to an actual argument.

26. Local Control RuleAlthough the Christian terrorizing the fundamentalist atheist in a previous debate is less powerful than the non-debate opponents that are only casual nuisances to them later on in the current debate, the fundamentalist atheist never thinks of using the arguments they use in the later debates against the earlier Christian.

27. Nostradamus RuleAll legends are 100% accurate. All rumours are entirely factual. Unless they come from a Christian. Furhtermore, fundamentalist atheists frequently claims that all prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately, otherwise said prophecy is false.

28. Unlimited AmmoThe basic material needed to refute a fundamentalist atheist is either unlimited or very, very easy to obtain. This will apply even if their arguments are extremely rare.

29. Indestructible Weapon RuleNo matter how many times a Christian uses an argument against a fundamentalist atheist, it will never get answered, refuted or ever need to be reformulated.

30. Selective IgnoranceFundamentalist atheists are unable to answer most objections presented to them. Note that this condition will not prevent them from claiming the Christian they are debating has not answered their points.

31. Bed Bed BedNo matter how thoroughly a Christian refutes a fundamentalist atheist, after a few days of resting and laying low, the fundamentalist atheist will return repeating the same old stale canards.

32. You Can't Kill Me, I QuitFundamentalist atheists never seem to get the hang of actually refuting or rebutting the Christians they debate. Christians always leave the debate with their arguments intact, allowing them to menace other fundamentalist atheists again later, sometimes five minutes later. Knowing this rule, you can deduce that if a Christian gives up, or concedes to a draw, it is because they can’t be bothered to endlessly refute the same old arguments over and over again.

33. And Now You Die, Mr. Bond! (Richard Carrier Rule)Rather than refute a Christian, a fundamentalist atheist will settle for merely bragging about how they are going to leave the Christian in a crumpled heap while they stroll off, laughing. Yet, they never do.

34. Zap!Most Christians possess some form of pwning ability. They generally use it to pwn the fundamentalist atheist when they use the Obligatory Legendary Relic Argument and shoot the argument down before the fundamentalist atheist can even finish it.

35. Heads I Win, Tails You LoseIt doesn't matter that the Christian won the debate with the fundamentalist atheist; the fundamentalist atheist will still claim they won anyway. Really, they might as well not have bothered.

36. Clockwork Universe RuleNo matter how hard they try to stop it, the fundamentalist atheist will always end up being refuted.

37. Fake ArgumentThere will be an argument that the fundamentalist atheist pretends is their main argument, when it obviously is not, if for no other reason than because it is just got refuted.

38. You Die, And We All Move Up In RankWhen that fake argument is refuted, the fundamentalist atheist will reveal their true main argument of the debate, and will dismiss the argument the Christian they are debating thought was the main argument, just to demonstrate how badass it (the true main argument) really is.

39. "What are we going to do tonight, Vinsfeld?"The goal of every debate is to win. There is no way to escape from this formidable task. No matter what the subject of the debate, it will be necessary for the Christian debating the fundamentalist atheist to answer all and every point they make in order to have a meaningful discussion. Once the fundamentalist atheist is sorted out, everything else will fall into place almost immediately.

40. Hector Avalos' AxiomWhenever a fundamentalist atheist makes a wealth of meaningless objections, you can be quite confident that winning the debate will require the Christian to go out of their way and refute every last one of them.

41. Sam Harris Worldview Simplification InitiativeAccording to fundamentalist atheists, there are theists and there are atheists. There is no in-between.

42. Fodor's Guide RuleIn the course of the debate, the fundamentalist atheist will argue that: Jesus never existed, Christianity is a rip-off of paganism, claim faith and reason are opposed, claim religion and science are opposed, use the FSM argument, complain about the “Dark Ages”, claim Evolution disproves God, claims that physical existence is all there is, complain loudly about the existence of evil, claim omniscience and free will are contradictory, and a wealth of other arguments not taken seriously by any reputable academic in the world.

43. Midgar PrincipleAny argument of a fundamentalist atheist is always divided into two sections: a lower section that contains their actual argument, and an upper section filled with meaningless non-sequiturs and ad hominem attacks, and other inane ramblings.

44. Not Invented HereTrade of ideas will not exist. According to fundamentalist Christians cannot use atheist sources, or Christian sources for that matter, but this does not stop fundamentalist atheists from using these kind of sources.

45. Law of Theological EleganceAccording to fundamentalist atheists, a person’s worldview always cleanly fits into a single category, without crossing over into any other. Therefore, an atheist cannot be spiritual and a theist cannot be rational.

47. We Had To Destroy The Village In Order To, Well, You Know The Rest (David Hart Rule)No matter what happens, a fundamentalist can never call on a reputable scholar for help. They will just send a brigade of counter-arguments and burn the fundamentalist atheists’ entire argument down.

48. Zidane's CurseAn unlucky condition in which every major argument in the debate will coincidentally wind up being destroyed just after the fundamentalist atheist puts them forward.

49. Maginot Line RuleIt is easy to tell which argument of a fundamentalist atheist is the next to be refuted by the Christian they are debating. The fundamentalist atheist will brag that the Christian could never hope to refute them, and would be easily defeated if they tried. (This smug arrogance always fails to take into account the Christian's new super-argument.)

50. Short Attention Span PrincipleAll bookshelves contain exactly one book, which only has enough text on it to fill up half a page. Of course, that is because the fundamentalist atheist has thrown out everything else, as it refutes their position and contradicts everything they have just said.

51. Planet of the Apes RuleAll of the fundamentalist atheists’ predecessors that came before them were wiped out in a spectacular fashion in by the Christians they were debating.

52. Interruption RuleExpect for the Christian to be interrupted by the fundamentalist atheist in the middle of their opening statement with a meaningless non-sequitur.

53. The Bling-Bling Thing (Brooks Trubee Rule)No matter how much evidence and facts the Christian presents in favour of Christianity, the fundamentalist atheist will never be satisfied and won't stop griping about the “lack of evidence” for Christianity.

54. I Don't Like Facts Or ResearchingThere are never any facts or signs of serious research in a fundamentalist atheists’ arguments. Ever.

55. Houdini's PostulateAny fundamentalist atheist, who is placed in any kind of position where they have to answer a Christian argument will evade to respond immediately. They will be freed either by a small nitpick they just happened to make earlier in the day or by an unexpected change in topic that overcomes the Christian argument. Their sources will be freed by the whining of the fundamentalist atheists and fellow fundamentalist atheists will evade to respond by themselves because they are such ‘intellectuals’. Once a fundamentalist atheist has evaded to respond, no attempt will be made by them to address the point in the future.

56. yo lunch's ContradictionJust because a fundamentalist atheist is weird, it does not mean they're important.

57. Natural Monopoly RuleNo fundamentalist atheist argument will have more than two premises, unless it is crucial to that there be a hundred premises which the Christian must refute in order, in an attempt to the throw the Christian off their main argument. All of these premises will make the same point and be identical to the conclusion.

58. But They Don't Take American ExpressFundamentlaist atheists believe that every subject in the world, even those that require detailed specific specialist knowledge to be proficient in, are easy, and require zero effort to make pronouncements on.

59. Apathy PrincipleFundamentalist atheists believe that they are the only truth seekers trying to ‘save the world’. All other would-be truth seekers will either join fundamentalist atheism or else will be dubbed by fundamentalist atheists as cowards and/or con men.

60. The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Rule a. Any Christian who uses riposte, rhetoric, satire etc is deemed by fundamentalist atheists as "un-Christ-like" as, according to fundamentalist atheists’, Christians have to be so moral, spiritual and/or wise that they should all be put forward for sainthood.b. According to fundamentalist atheists’, anyone who uses the aforementioned literary devices are stupid, unless they are a fundamentalist atheist. c. According to fundamentalist atheist, any argument that contains said literary devices are wrong, unless they are used by a fundamentalist atheist.

61. Henchman QuotaA fundamentalist atheist will have three lovably incompetent arguments that the Christian they are debating with must refute over and over again. Although their whole worldview rests on these arguments, they will screw up repeatedly, are internally contradictory, and generally only turn out to be a diversion or a delaying tactic. A high point of the debate will come when the fundamentalist atheist reveals their REAL main argument himself and the fundamentalist atheist instantly dismisses these previous arguments. This will not help the Christian they are debating, but at least they will not have to refute them anymore.

62. Twenty Year RuleStupid arguments returns to savage mainstream scholarship every 20 years on the dot, and the last time it showed up was just about 19.9875 years ago. Despite their best efforts, Christians of the past were never able to do more than completely obliterate that particular argument. The good news is that this time, the particular stupid argument will be destroyed permanently. The bad news is that it is the Christian the fundamentalist atheist is debating who has to do it, and even then, you can be sure another one is going to turn up eventually.

63. Principle of Narrative EfficiencyIf the main argument (or the argument the Christian the fundamentalist atheist is debating has been refuting for most of the debate before the fundamentalist atheist summons their real main argument) was ever defeated in the past by another group of Christians, one of them will secretly be in the audience and one of them will be William Lane Craig.

64. Richard Dawkins's RevengeAccording to fundamentalist atheists, uutside fundamentalist atheism, there are no facts, logic, reason or evidence whatsoever. Of course, this does not explain why Christian’s frequently use these things to refute fundamentalist atheism.

65. First Law of DebateFundamentalist atheists believe that anything can become an argument against Christianity, so a Christian should not be alarmed when the fundamentalist atheist they are debating argues that God is not on Google maps and so does not exist. As a corollary, anything is capable of being used as argument if it can be used against Christianity, logic or even basic physics be damned.

66. Second Law of DebateThere will be only one of any non-trivial type of argument used by a fundamentalist atheist in an entire debate. Massive volumes will be written/spoken by the fundamentalist atheist to support this one argument.

67. Third Law of DebateThe only way to refute a fundamentalist atheist is to answer their REAL main argument. Every argument a Christian makes will be required to answer this, even if has nothing to do with the debate subject whatsoever.

68. Fourth Law of DebateThree out of every four arguments a fundamentalist atheist uses will eventually sink, derail or crash in some spectacular manner.

69. Fifth Law of DebateFundamentalist atheists believe that all specialist subjects can be understood or mastered by anyone. The fundamentalist atheist just needs to figure out how it relates to the subject of the debate, as they already think they know everything.

70. Sixth Law of DebateNobody gets to make a stupider argument than the fundamentalist atheists’. If a fundamentalist atheist ever does see a stupider argument than the one they are using now, at some point before the end of the debate, they will either use it, or use something even stupider, usually resulting in the argument being destroyed in a glorious blaze.

71. Seventh Law of DebateWhen a fundamentalist atheist changes subject, it will only be because the Christian they are debating has refuted all of their points.

72. Eighth Law of DebateA Christian never changes subject, ever, unless they are forced to, in which case their arguments will be much longer and more dangerous than their original arguments.

73. Last Law of Debate (Tassman Rule)As has been described, a Christian must endure great trials just to refute a fundamentalist atheist. That is just the Christians. Every fundamentalist atheist claims to have no trouble refuting any argument on a moment's notice... yet strangely they never get round to it.

74. If You Meet The Buddha In A Random Encounter, Kill Him!When a fundamentalist atheist is out wandering around the world, they are must be cautious of everyone they meet. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, anyone and everyone who is religious is just plain out to get them. It may be because of the fundamentalist atheists’ rampant butting in on people’s private conversations (see O'Hair's Principle.)

75. Law of NumbersThere will be several argument a fundamentalist atheist uses, which depend on the cultural value of the era, people, etc., which will make no sense as whatever argument they are using is guaranteed to get the cultural values wrong.

76. Argument Inequality TheoremIn the course of a debate, a Christian may find useful-sounding arguments they can use against the fundamentalist atheist they are debating. However, they will end up never using these arguments in a debate because: a) all ordinary fundamentalist atheist arguments can be refuted with a few normal counter-arguments, making fancy arguments unnecessary, b) a fundamentalist atheist will only ever address one of the arguments of the Christian they are debating, so there's no point in using them for long debates where they'd actually come in handy, and c) the fundamentalist atheist usually does not understand the argument anyway.

77. Argument Inequality CorollaryWhen the fundamentalist atheist uses such an argument on the Christian, they will be answered 100% of the time.

78. Pretty Line SyndromeSeen in most modern debates. The key to refuting a fundamentalist atheist is to repeat yourself for fifty hours, stopping along the way to have meaningful conversations with other Christians.

80. Friendly Fire PrincipleAny argument that can be used against both atheism and Christianity will refute half of the fundamentalist atheist’s arguments and none of the Christian’s.

81. Argument Design 101A fundamentalist atheist’s points are always hidden and never mean what the Christian they are debating thinks they mean.

82. Argument Design 102When a Christian is confronted by two arguments, the fundamentalist atheist will declare the shorter, easier to refute argument can only be refuted if the Christian can refute the longer, ‘harder’ to refute argument.

83. Argument Design 103 (or, Wallpaper Warning)A Christian’s progress through a debate will be indicated by a sudden change in subject made by the fundamentalist atheist they are debating.

84. Argument Design 201 (or, The Interior Decorators Anticipated Your Superior Intellect)Most arguments used by a fundamentalist atheist will include logical fallacies and internal contradictions which are invisible to the fundamentalist atheist, yet are glaringly obvious to anyone with a modicum of intelligence.

85. Argument Design 301All "arguments" used by fundamentalist atheist can be solved by one of the following methods: o Finding some small titbit of information and using it to refute the fundamentalist atheist’s entire argument. o Pointing out logical fallacies and internal contradictions/inconsistencies.o Learning the facts. o Refuting at least one of their premiseso Something that is unsolvable because a vital component of the fundamentalist atheist’s argument was not copy & pasted correctly.

86. Wait! That Was A Load-Bearing Argument!Refuting a fundamentalist atheist’ arguments will frequently cause them to collapse, which is nonsensical but does make for hilarious entertainment.

87. Supply and Demand AxiomRefuting a fundamentalist atheist will usually result in them admitting their argument was rubbish. Which would have been extremely useful had they admitted it before they were refuted.

88. Dawkins' LamentNo scholar is ever in the right position (aka Atheism). Any scholar who is religious, is either biased or simply can’t mean it.

89. Well, That About Wraps It Up For GodAll major deities, assuming they actually exist and weren't just made up by the Church to delude its followers, are, according to fundamentalist atheists, malevolent and will have to be destroyed. The only exception to this rule is the four nature spirits who have preserved the land since time immemorial, but now due to the folly of mankind have lost virtually all of their power and need humanity to accomplish some ludicrous task to save them.

90. Guy in the Street RuleNo matter how fast scholarly news travels, bullcrap rumours and conspiracy theories always travel faster. When there is a debate, the people in the audience are already talking about where the latest “find”, etc that “threatens” Christianity. The stories of these artefacts etc will spread, even if there are no records of such a thing.

91. Wherever You Go, There They AreWhatever subject the Christians are discussing, fundamentalist atheists can always answer them. Chances are they have been asking the guy in the street (see above). But don't worry, despite being able to regurgitate the latest farcical charges with ease anytime they want to, the fundamentalist atheists never get round to refuting the Christian they are debating.

92. Figurehead RuleWhenever a fundamentalist atheist asks a Christian a question, it's just to be polite. He or she will ask the question again and again until the Christian answers "correctly."

93. Puddin' Tame RuleThe average fundamentalist atheist will always say the same thing no matter how many times a Christian debates them, and they certainly won't clarify any of the vaguely worded or cryptic half-sentences they threw at the Christian during the previous debate.

94. Franklin Covey Was Wrong, Wrong, WrongSticking to the subject of the debate at hand and going directly from place to place and goal to goal is always a bad idea for a fundamentalist atheist, as it may prevent them from being able to win the debate. It is by dawdling around, making irrelevant side objections and giving credence to derelicts that they come into their real power.

95. Selective Invulnerability PrincipleFundamentalist atheists are immune from such mundane things as inductive logic, deductive reason, or scientific argument... except when they use these things. Surprise!

96. I'm the NRAAccording to fundamentalist atheists, religious people are on the verge of annihilating humanity with weapons of mass destruction. That's right. Even deep religious faith and heartfelt pacifism cannot compete with the allure of guns.

97. Three Premises RuleThere will always be either one or three counter-points in a fundamentalist atheists counter-argument, no matter how points are in the Christian argument the fundamentalist atheist is responding to.

98. Experience Not RequiredWhen a fundamentalist atheist is forced to do some complex or scholarly research in a certain specialist field for the first time, even though they have never done it before they will still always believe they will be better than the most decorated and proficient scholar of that field.

99. Law of Reverse Evolution (Nietzsche's Principle)Earlier generations of atheists are inexplicably much more intelligent than the current one.

100. Science-Philosophy Equivalence (Victor Stenger Rule)Although a scientists’ specialty is science and a philosopher' specialty is philosophy, fundamentalist atheists believe that these are completely interchangeable, apart from when the scientist or philosopher in question is a Christian.

101. Law of Productive GullibilityWhenever a fundamentalist atheist hears a patently ludicrous claim (such as, "Jesus never existed") there's at least a two-thirds chance the fundamentalist atheists believe that it is the truth.

102. Perversity PrincipleIf you are unsure about what to do in a debate with a fundamentalist atheist, just listen to what they have to say. They will either strongly urge you to do something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing, or else they will strongly warn you against doing something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing.

103. Near-Death EpiphanyIf a fundamentalist atheist is not addressing the points of the Christian they are debating, then there is a better-than-even chance that at some point they will suddenly claim to have become enlightened and instantly acquire the argument that can blow the Christian away in a matter of seconds. Yet strangely, they never do.

104. Wutai RuleA pagan religion, no matter what its mythology, will be declared as being the inspiration for Christianity. Even if this religion is full of pagodas, shrines, shoguns, kitsune, and sushi, according to a fundamentalist atheist, this completely anachronistic religion is the source of the entire Bible.

105. Law of MooksArguments used by fundamentalist atheists are, as a rule, sloppy, cowardly and incompetent. The material they cite will be, as a rule, dreadfully weak and undertrained and will be wiped out to the last detail the moment they come in contact with real scholarship.

106. Law of TrapsNo matter how obvious the trap, a fundamentalist atheist cannot finish the debate unless they fall into it.

107. Arbor Day RuleAt some point, every fundamentalist atheist will start to talk about talking trees.

108. You Do Not Talk About Fight ClubAny argument you hear about from a fundamentalist atheist, you will eventually be forced to refute.

109. Invisible Scholarship RuleOther than 19th century sceptics, druids, and the odd free mason, the only “scholarship” a fundamentalist atheist will cite during the debate will either be non-scholar fringe authors or scholars talking completely outside their field.

110. The Miracle of AnachronismSimilarly, their source material will be devoid of any source past the 1950s, except for the occasional fellow fundamentalist atheist or misquoted scholar. There will not be a single reputable scholar or maintenance person in sight.

111. Principle of Archaeological ConvenienceFundamentalist atheists believe that every ancient argument will be valid the first time they try to use it and every time thereafter. Even though the argument got blasted into ruins and was then sunk and buried for a hundred years, they still think it will work fine. Unfortunately for fundamentalist atheists, the corollary to this rule is that the ancient refutations will turn out to work perfectly too.

112. They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used ToFundamentalist atheist believe that modern-day scholarship, by contrast, will always break down at the worst possible moment (for example, when they are about to be used to refute a fundamentalist atheist.)

113. Place Real Atheist Joke HereIf a Christian is required to role-play as an atheist for any reason, they will be regarded by everyone as much more intelligent than any "real" atheist. If a fundamentalist atheist pretends to be a Christian, they will be immediately recognized as who they are by everyone except fundamentalist Christians and other fundamentalist atheists.

114. Make Room! Make Room!There are always more arguments by the Christian than arguments by the fundamentalist atheist they are debating. Most of the fundamentalist atheists time is made up of making ad hominem attacks, blathering on endlessly about trivial and meaningless things, making random non-sequiturs and complaining that the Christian isn’t answering their arguments (when they clearly have done already).

115. Law of Scientific GratificationIf a fundamentalist atheists needs to prove their point, they will claim that somewhere in the world someone has spent his or her entire life researching it, and just needs one more piece of evidence before their research is completed and the argument “proven”.

116. You Always Argue In The Right CirclesWhenever a fundamentalist atheist agrees to a debate topic, be prepared to spend at least an hour refuting their meaningless objections before they finally get onto that elusive subject.

117. Talk Is Cheap RuleNo arrangement can be made between religion and atheism by diplomacy or politics in the eyes of fundamentalist atheists. Any declarations of peace, summits and treaty negotiations are traps to fool the ever so gullible public into thinking the “war between religion and reason” is over, or to brainwash the remaining leaders of the world.

118. Stop Your LifeNo matter what kind of exciting, dynamic life a Christian is leading before the debate, once there the fundamentalist atheist will have never heard of them.

119. Don't Stand OutAny argument made by a fundamentalist atheist that is on topic or otherwise does not fit in with the rest of their arguments will either: 1. Turn out be support the Christian2. Turn out to actually refute the fundamentalist atheist 3. Be instantly refuted by the Christian the second it is used.

120. Little Nemo LawWhatever a fundamentalist atheist says, they will believe to be either a 100% accurate description of the past, a 100% accurate description of the present, a 100% accurate description of the future, or a combination of two or all three of these.

121. Atheist Protection ActFundamentalist atheist believe they are exempt from refutation. They will believe they will emerge victorious from cataclysmic arguments that slaughter hundreds of sturdily-built atheist arguments, often with barely a scratch.

122. Missing Master HypothesisAlmost every fundamentalist atheist learned everything he/she knows from some old master or friend. Invariably, the master or friend has since became a Christian, died, or disappeared without a trace.

123. Missing Master CorollaryIf a fighter's master merely disappeared, the fundamentalist atheist will undoubtedly mention him/her at some point in the course of the debate. The fundamentalist atheist will brag about one final argument that the master had been holding back for years.

125. "You Couldn't Get To Sleep Either, Huh?"If a fundamentalist atheist meets other fundamentalist atheists, they will start using each other’s arguments.

126. Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely (Matt Dillahunty Rule)If a Christian converts to atheism, fundamentalist atheists will believe they have a new inner strength that will enable them to wipe out Christian arguments with a wave of their hand.

127. All Is Forgiven (Anthony Flew Rule)However, when an atheist becomes a Christian, fundamentalist atheists do not give it a second thought. They can’t have been a “real” atheist.

128. First Law of Source MaterialAll fundamentalist atheists use a single array of sources which does not change over the course of the debate.

129. Second Law of Source MaterialAny fundamentalist atheists’ will believe that their source, no matter how skimpy, complicated, or simply outlandish, is always completely suitable to use. It will continue to be completely suitable even right after when said source is refuted.

130. Third Law of Source MaterialIn any setting, the standard sources Christians will use, will be by modern scholars in the relevant fields. Whatever sources fundamentalist atheists will use, will be by non-scholars and completely outdated and anachronistic.

131. First Rule of ScholarshipIf a Christian scholar has an Atheist counterpart, then fundamentalist atheists will brag about how that counterpart has surpassed said scholar. Yet, they never show how.

132. Second Rule of ScholarshipIf a fundamentalist atheists’ argument is worse than the argument of the scholar they are citing, then there is a good chance that this is the REAL main argument. Even though the argument of the Christian the fundamentalist atheist is debating will be a million times better than the scholar the fundamentalist atheist cites, this will not help.

133. Last Rule of ScholarshipAccording to fundamentalist atheists, atheists are good, theists are evil.

134. Inheritance of Acquired Characteristics (Ramus Rule)Twenty-three generations may pass, but any argument the fundamentalist atheist uses will still look and sound the same.

135. Pinch Hitter RuleWhenever a fundamentalist atheist is refuted, no matter how unique he or she was, there is a good chance someone will show up to replace them that has exactly the same arguments and can repeat intellectual garbage with the same proficiency.

136. Dealing With Scholars, Part 1 (Hector Avalos Rule)Fundamentalist atheists believe that all atheist scholars are honest and useful. This rule holds even when the scholar in question is useless and/or clearly a liar.

137. Dealing With Scholars, Part 2 (Ravi Zacharias Rule)Fundamentalist atheists believe that all Christian scholars are biased liars. This rule holds even when the scholar in question has attained the unwavering trust and respect of the entire academic community.

138. Well, So Much For ThatAfter the Christian refutes the fundamentalist they are debating, the Christian’s main arguments will either a) be lost on the fundamentalist atheist, b) get ignored by the fundamentalist atheist, or c) be disregarded by the fundamentalist atheist.

139. The Ominous Wall of Text/SpeechThe classic Ominous Wall of Text/Speech is a popular debate tactic that frequently gets ignored by fundamentalist atheists. Just when they think things are going really well and they have the Evil Christian on the run, logic, facts and reason will pour out of the centre of the wall and the situation will get ten times worse. The Christian's main argument also usually hangs out in one of these after attaining irrefutability. If there are several Ominous Walls of Text/Speech or the Christian uses one big wall, the fundamentalist atheist they are debating is just screwed.

140. Law of Scholarly Relativity (The Atheist Experience Rule)Fundamentalist atheists frequently brag that atheist scholars can accomplish superhuman physical feats, defeat Christians with one hand tied behind their back and use incredible arguments -- until they are actually cited by a fundamentalist atheist. Then these wonderful powers all vanish, along with most of their valid arguments.

141. Sources! Sources! (or, Christ Myther Full Employment Act)All material used by a fundamentalist atheists will be sourced and cited except for the stuff that actually needs to be.

142. Thank You For Pressing The Self-Destruct ButtonAll fundamentalist atheists are equipped with a conveniently located, easy-to-operate self-destruct mechanism.

143. Falling RuleA fundamentalist atheist can fall any distance in credibility without suffering anything worse than brief ridicule. In fact, falling a huge distance is an excellent cure for things that would otherwise be fatal to their reputation. Any fundamentalist atheist who you see publicly ridiculed by contemporary scholars is guaranteed to return later with barely a scratch.

144. Materials Science 101Fundamentalist atheists believe that unscholarly sources make excellent sources even though in the real world they are completely disregarded by the academic community.

145. Materials Science 201Every fundamentalist atheist you meet will talk enthusiastically about how some fantastically ultimate argument would completely destroy Christianity. Oh, if only you heard it! However, once you actually refute this argument -- at great length, of course – the fundamentalist atheist will dismiss said argument as yesterday's news and instead start talking about some even more fantastically ultimate argument. Repeat until you get to the argument after their real main argument.

146. Seventh Inning Stretch (Peter Atkins Rule)At some point in the debate the fundamentalist atheist will receive a deadly refutation. This will leave them out of commission for at least the length of two rebuttals. Ultimately, a simple hand waving of the argument is all that will be required to bring the fundamentalist atheist back to normal.

147. Vivi's Spellbook PrincipleOver the course of a debate, the Christian will spend countless hours refuting between twenty and one hundred arguments, approximately three of which will still be admitted as being important by the fundamentalist atheist at the end of the debate.

148. Scholarly Equality, Part 1 (William Lane Craig Rule)Your average Christian scholar carries a variety of credentials and can effortlessly hack their way through armies of fundamentalist atheists creatures without breaking a sweat. They may be an accomplished professor, or the world's greatest scholar. However, if a fundamentalist atheists uses Standard Get Out Argument (claim that their being a Christian means that what they have to say is worthless) the Christian they are debating will be required to continuously point out how the position of a scholar does not affect the validity of what they are saying.

149. Scholarly Equality, Part 2If any Christian cites scholarly material, the fundamentalist atheist will use the Standard Get Out Argument and again the Christian will have to point out that their position does not negate the factuality of the source they are citing.

150. Scholarly Equality, Part 3All of the effort the fundamentalist spent maxing out their main argument, it will turn out to be for naught when they spend the final confrontation with the Christian refuted, discarded, or forgotten about.

151. Scholarly Equality AddendumIn the unlikely event that a fundamentalist atheist does not contest the position of the scholar or Christian, they will invariably dismiss them/it out of hand or claim the information is irrelevant.

152. Stealing The Spotlight (Peter Joseph Rule)The arguments fundamentalist atheists allude to only briefly tend to be much more coherent then their actual arguments.

153. "Mommy, why didn't they just use a Phoenix Down on Aeris?"Do not expect scholarly standards to carry over into a debate with fundamentalist atheist.

154. Gold Argument RuleFundamentalist atheists believe that the strongest arguments in the entire debate can only be made by talking about things like giant birds.

155. Stupidity May Live Forever, But It Doesn't Age WellEven though it took the greatest scholars in the world and all of the world's greatest thinker to seal away a stupid fundamentalist atheist argument, once said argument appears again, three fairly inexperienced Christian can destroy it.

156. Special Pleading Escape ClauseAny misdeed up to and including multiple genocide is forgivable in the eyes of a fundamentalist atheist, providing that they were carried out by atheists.

157. Doomed Argument Theorem (Law of Zeal)All seemingly on-topic arguments used by fundamentalist atheists are fraught with internal contradictions and logical fallacies and are therefore doomed to swift, flashy destruction.

158. Party Guidance RuleSomewhere in the last third of the debate, the Christian will make a single error and the fundamentalist atheist will continuously remind them of it.

159. Bad Is Good, Baby!The atheists can always count on the support of good-hearted con artists, liars, thieves, ex-criminals, and so on in their quest to “save the world” from Christianity. And on the other hand...

160. Good Is Bad, Baby!Watch out for generous priests, loyal military officers, and basically anyone in a position of authority who agrees to help you out, especially if they save your life and prove their sincerity innumerable times. According to fundamentalist atheists they are usually plotting the demise of the world’s population in secret (at least when they can fit it into their busy schedule of betraying their country, sponsoring international terrorism, and stealing candy from small children) and will stab everyone in the back at the most inconvenient moment, unless they fall under...

161. Farrell Till's ExceptionSelf-professed honourable and honest people who used to be Christians are always the genuine article. Of course, whilst they used to be busy stabbing Atheism in the front, they will fall prey to...

162. The Ineffectual Ex-Christian Theorem (John Loftus Rule)No matter how honest and intellectual a Christian is, if they bail to the side of atheism they will turn out to be not quite honest and intellectual enough. Any Christian will defeat them easily.

163. All The Time In The World (Bill Maher Rule)Unless there's a running countdown clock right there on the screen, a fundamentalist atheist believe they have as long as they want to make any point, which usually results in them never making said point.

164. You FirstWhen things really start falling apart, the fundamentalist atheists supporters will be the first to jump ship and switch to the side of Christianity.

165. Trial By FireAny dark and brooding fundamentalist atheist will ultimately be redeemed by a long, arduous, quasi-spiritual quest that seemed painstaking at the time, but in the great scheme of things just wasn't that big of a deal after all.

166. Key Argument RuleNever discard, or otherwise discount permanently any argument when you debate a fundamentalist atheist. This is especially true for arguments that seem to have no practical use, because of...

167. The Law of Inverse Practicality (Key Argument Corollary)Any argument that you can use will have some sort of purpose. Those that seem to be useless and have no practical value at all, always tend to have great power later on. The earlier you hear the argument, the later on it will be used. The longer the span of time between acquisition and use, the more powerful the argument is.

168. Way To Go, SergeIt will eventually turn out that, for a minimum of the first sixty percent of the debate, the fundamentalist atheist was actually being manipulated by the Christian to refute themselves for them. In extreme cases this may go as high as 90%. The clear implication is that it would have been better for the fundamentalist atheist to have not got involved in the first place.

169. Gilligan's PrescriptionFundamentalist atheists frequently develop amnesia throughout a debate. They will forget things they have said, even if it was only five minutes ago. Any fundamentalist atheist who develops amnesia will be cured before the end of the debate. They usually will not like what they find out about themselves, though.

170. Luke, I Am Your Tedious, Overused Debate TacticIf there is any chance whatsoever that a fundamentalist atheist could use a particularly stupid argument, then it will turn out that that fundamentalist atheist will use that particularly stupid argument.

171. Argument of Mild InconvenienceThe devastating refutation, argument-obliterating retort or other large-scale counter argument that led to the refutation of millions of fundamentalist atheist arguments will affect the fundamentalist atheist you are debating in no way whatsoever.

172. Golden Argument PrincipleThere will be at least one supremely ultimate argument you can use against a fundamentalist atheist, requiring hours and hours of hard work to formulate. Once you do achieve this, you will use it once, and it will be completely useless for the rest of the debate.

173. Golden Argument CorollaryThe scholarly material for this argument will be only vaguely alluded to in the debate itself. Ideally, you are supposed to shell out $19.95 for the latest book on the matter instead.

174. Flow of Arguments RuleThe quality of arguments in the debate is dependent upon the argument's distance from the concluding statements. It does not matter if the argument used by the Christian contains mountains of logic, facts and reason, it will always be invariably discounted by the fundamentalist atheist as the worst arguments; and even if their own argument near the end is awful and only has three sentences in it, the fundamentalist atheist will believe that it is the best argument.

175. Master Counter-Argument RuleAny and all un-refuted fundamentalist atheist arguments left will be refuted by the end of the debate.

176. "Christianity will always triumph, because atheism is dumb!"If the fundamentalist atheist makes ten arguments and the Christian debating them has refuted nine of them, the fundamentalist atheist still thinks it is necessary to re-state the nine arguments before making the final one.

177. Dark Helmet's CorollaryAfter the Christian has refuted those ten arguments, do not expect for them to actually get a reasoned response. Sucker!

178. It's Not My Department, Says Joseph McCabeAll sources used by fundamentalist atheists will without exception either be blown up or crash violently to earth before the end of the debate.

179. The Best-Laid SchemesThe Christian’s main argument will have involved the refutation of thousands or even millions of atheist arguments, and will have taken anywhere from five hours to five thousand minutes to come to fruition. The fundamentalist atheist will come up with a one-line glib retort to avoid responding in less than five minutes.

180. Pyrrhic VictoryBy the time the Christian has gotten it in gear, dealt with the fundamentalist atheists’ miscellaneous personal crises and is finally ready to go refute the fundamentalist atheist once and for all, nine-tenths of the fundamentalist atheists’ main argument will already have been destroyed. Still, the fundamentalist atheist has got to give their all to defend the remaining one-tenth.

181. Poetic Villain PrincipleAll fundamentalist atheists will suddenly become poets, philosophers, and/or dramatic actors where they will frequently be feeling generous enough to reward the Christian with some homespun wisdom about “common-sense,” when: a) they first meet the Christian, b) the Christian is about to win, c) some major event in the debate is about to begin, d) right before the final argument, and e) right before they get refuted.

182. Compression of TimeAs the Christian approaches the final refutation of the fundamentalist atheist, the fundamentalist atheists’ arguments will become increasingly awkward, contrived and disconnected from one another, almost as if they were running up against a deadline and had to slap them together at the last minute.

183. Christopher Hitchens’ RevengeBy the end of the debate, the Christian will be renowned everywhere as a Legendary Hero, every academic and scholarly figure has rallied behind them. However, fundamentalist atheists will hate the Christian’s guts.

184. Christopher Hitchens’ CorollaryNo matter how thoroughly devastated the fundamentalist atheist is, there will always be another fundamentalist atheist who believes they won, as if the debate never happened.

185. The Long Arm of the PlotAny fundamentalist atheist, no matter how far they change the subject, will always end up in one of two ways by the end of the debate: completely refuted or on your side. There are no in-betweens.

186. Apocalypse Any Time NowFundamentalist atheists feel that the best time to make irrelevant side points is while the huge Christian counter-argument hovers above, waiting to fall and destroy the fundamentalist atheists’ entire position.

187. "So, Andross, you reveal your true form!"A Christian will have to refute the fundamentalist atheist’s real main argument at least twice at the end of the debate. First the real main argument easy to refute. Then it will grow to about 50 times its size and be much “harder” to refute.

188. In Your Face, Jesus!Even if the Christian manage to deal with the main argument that time, they are not done. The fundamentalist atheist will then transform their real main argument into its final form.

189. The Moral Of The StoryAccording to fundamentalist atheists, every problem in the universe can be solved by refuting Christianity.

190. Hidden Atheist RuleThere is always an atheist hidden in the audience who is much harder to defeat than even the fundamentalist atheist’s real main argument in its final, “world-annihilating form”. It is lucky for all concerned that this hidden atheist prefers to stay hidden rather than trying to take over the debate themselves, because they would probably win. As a corollary, whatever reward a Christian gets for refuting the hidden atheist is basically worthless because by the time they have acquired the scholarly material to refute them, they will not need it any more.

191. The Ultimate RuleAnything a fundamentalist atheist refers to as "Ultimate (whatever)" isn't. There is always at least one thing somewhere in the world that is even more.

193. Winning By Losing However badly the Christian has disproven or embarassed the fundamentalist atheist, it turns out it was all a part of their master to get that reaction out of the Christian, to prove some kind of point that the fundamentalist atheist can't seem to explain. The fundamentalist atheist will honestly seem to think that despite failing uselessly in making their original argument, they are smooth enough to convince people they are a master puppeteer pulling everyone's strings.

194. The Pity RiposteWhen the fundamentalist starts throwing around words like "droll" and "pathetic" and "amused" and generally trying to talk like a wealthy Bond villain, he comes across less like the confident, cigar-smoking fellow he is imagining and more like a man who has had his trousers pulled down trying to convince clothed people that they are the ones who should feel foolish.

195. The BacktrackWhen a fundamentalist atheist can't unsay something that they suddenly realise is terribly wrong, their next best tactic is to claim they never said it. This can be an incredibly ballsy manouvre that typically forces reliance on the good old: "Oh, you are just misrepresenting what I am saying."

196. Super Tunnel VisionSo the Christian has dismantled the fundamentalist atheist's arguments and shredded all of their points. Has the Christian taken everything away from them? No! They still have their dig- no, wait, that's gone. There must be something though! Aha! One Christian mentioned the fundamentalist atheist made a grammar error. The fundamentalist atheist must now attack it with all their might! Surely this is the foundation of all of the Christians' arguments. The fundamentalist atheist will not get distracted by the evidence or anything, man, eyes on the prize!

197. Be Your Own WingmanCreating a second account to agree with yout first one is most often called "sockpuppeting," but "wingman" sounds sadder. Whilst typically fundamentalist atheists tend to do this on web forums, it can spread to other areas of the internet (such as a fundamentalist atheist giving their own book a 5-star review on Amazon), or even real life scenarios, such as a fundamentalist ahtiest writing in to the same newspaper under two different pseudonyms.

198. Hotel California GuestThe fundamentalist atheists keep checking out, but they never leave. Sometimes they demand to be banned or have their account deleted because this is a way of talking like you are done with the site without actually having to stop posting and give up the last word. This also sets them up for Rule 193 above, where they can claim that their banning was just what they wanted and that the Christians just played into their hands. In real-life scenarios, this can apply to public debates, writing into newspapers, and so on.

199. The Innocent QuestionClassic passive-aggression technique with the easy fallback of "I was just asking questions!" which plays critics off as suppressors of ideas and critical thinking. Questions include, "Can this 9/11 video I just stumbled on be real???" or "Why is it taboo to just explore what makes atheists smarter than theists?" See, because that are not saying atheists are smarter than theists. They are ASKING.

200. First Amendment ReinterpretationActivist Judges have nothing on fundamentalist atheists, who reinterpret an amendment guraranteeing freedom from government repression as a law protecting them from any criticism of their ideas and even requiring other people to spend money creating a platform for them to get their ideas out. Strangely, this guardian angel of a rule is only meant to protect them and not their critics.

201. The Passive-Aggressive ApologyWhat better for a fundamentalist atheist to look like a big-man than by their saying their are sorry? They do not actually have to be sorry, or admit they did anything wrong, or stop arguing or insulting people. As long as they are using the word "sorry" it is clearly an apology, and anyone who complains that they have not stoped what they are apologising for, and have even admitted it, is a bad person who can't let things go.

202. Unbelievable CredentialsWhat proof does the Christian have that the fundamentalist atheist they are debating is not, as they claim, a physicist, a doctor, a Supre Court Justice, a former Delta Force assassin, a Hollywood director, and Strunk of Strunk & White? It is the internet, you will never be able to prove that they are not who they say they are. Well, except for the little matter of their not knowing the slightest thing about any of those subjects. Curses!

203. The Edgy CardDoes thie Christian dislike the fundamentalist atheists jokes or artwork? It is not because said joke or artwork is bad or poorly done, it's because the Christian DOESN'T GET IT, MAN! It is too ironic for the Christian understand, or possibly it is so offensive that their puritan sensibilities reject it. It must be one or the other.

204. Godwin's LawThe fundamentalist atheist WILL compare Christianity to Nazism, the Christian they are debating to Hitler, and also claim Hitler was a Roman Catholic who got the ideas of anti-Semitism from Christianity, even though he privately stated that he hated Christianity, and that Christianity was a Jewish religion that began in Israel, whose central figure and immediate disciples were all Jewish. Furthemore, if the Christian mentions Hitler at all, they MUST be saying that the fundamentalist atheist is similar to Hitler and are thus hateful bigots, even if it was the fundamentalist atheist who bought the subject of Hitler up in the first place.