Just got back from seeing my dad whose poor health pretty much tanked his life enjoyment and health. Anyone else freak out after seeing mom n dad?

Sun. Apr 2, 8:32pm

I can't believe this thread. I almost started one similar to this last week. My parents are in pretty good health, but my mom's weight is really hard to take. She'll eat a big meal, and then a few hours later she will eat a snack. Then at supper she might eat two desserts. She is not hugely overweight, but enough. I don't want to end up like that and am SO afraid that I will.

Sunday, April 02, 2006, 8:45 PM

Yes, my mom is overweight and has TONS of health issues. It is a huge motivator for me, because I do not want to end up like that at her age. I wish she would take this journey with me - but she can't seem to find anything to motivate herself. Can't she see that she is slowly bringing herself to death?

Sunday, April 02, 2006, 9:06 PM

Yep Mom, Dad and older sister. All who have had serious health problems :-( It literally hurts to see them sometimes and what their lifestyles have done to the active, strong people I remember. My younger brother and I are both serious about staying a healthy weight and being active. it's so hard to go home for the holidays and hear about more health problems (cause there always are) that could have been avoided or would be less serious if they would lose a few pounds and exercise!

It's a sobering reminder for me that I need to stick with the healthy life, but I hate that I find such negative motivation from those I love dearly :-(

Sunday, April 02, 2006, 10:44 PM

glad to know I am not alone...

thanks guys... here's the next question. does it ever freak you out so much that you find yourself either not wanting to see them, or bail immediately and go to the gym?

Sunday, April 02, 2006, 10:48 PM

I have a different perspective. My mother is an alcoholic, addicted to precription drugs and has an active eating disorder. She is slim but in such poor health. It has been a motivator for me to be healthy, eat smart, not worry about the last few pounds and stay away from ALL medications. My parents think I am obsessed with fitness, should get all the exercise you need from just moving through the day, But i saw both grandmothers die of obesity related conditions and the quality of my mother's life limited because of lifestyle choices she has made. I don't want any of that.

Monday, April 03, 2006, 8:19 AM

Fat Women

My family is full of fat women. It's crazy, the slimmest is my mom and the heaviest is like, wheelchair heavy. My mom and I re now only 2 sizes apart (12 and 16) and it freaks me out. She is only the slimmest because of alcoholism for years and yo-yo dieting. She does do an annual detox and cleanse at a Holistic spa/center but still, not healthy all around.

I want to know the root, self-control? Not enough love growing up? Obsessive behavior (food, alcohol, smoking)? Once, I get there I feel like I can conquer it. But, how do you investigate what people refuse to even see for themselves?

Monday, April 03, 2006, 10:17 AM

I'm really not liking this thread. This hurts me to my heart. To the OP, please don't be "freaked" about your parents. Underneath all that "fat" they have muscle and ligaments and organs and blood just like you and me. They are the same, they are human and they deserve respect not disgust. Is there maybe another reason being around them makes you feel uncomfortable? YOU are you, not them, you are their child not their carbon copy and if you choose a healthy lifestyle you in turn will be healthy. You do't have to be afraid that you will end up just like them.

Anybody that is disguted (and motivated) to lose weight by looking at fat people needs to look at the original reason they came here to peer trainer. Chances were you were overweight and out of shape. I commend you for taking charge of your health but it doesn't make you better than anybody.

You can't look at anybody and say "Oh if I were them I wouldn't remain fat, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a bulimic, a punching bag for my husband. How can they not even see what is happening to them? If I were them I would see it and take action IMMEDIATELY!"

No you wouldn't.

Wanna know why? Because you are not them and you haven't walked a mile in their shoes. You really don't know what there life has been like, what heartbreaks they have endured, what cross they have to bear, what abuse they may have suffered. You don't know if they are chemically imbalanced or have a thyroid issue or haven't gotten appropriate medical care in ages.

The only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing you can do is to let them know you love them. Thats it. I love you mom. I love you Dad. Hey Aunty Dot, have I told you that I love you? Then when they complain about whatever self inflicted pain they have "brought upon themsleves" you can ONE TIME offer to help. If Moms knees hurt because shes overweight, ask her if she would like you to walk with her a couple times a week to help work the stiffness out. If your best friend smokes like a chimney and complains because she keeps getting a bad cough, then ONE TIME you can say "Hey Sally, I know of this really great website for smoking cessation. Lots of people quit coughing when they get off smokes." But the idea is to just say it once. Anymore than that and your just preaching. Chances are your friends and family are smart enough to remember that you said it once. And they have a right to decide how to run their lives.

When you quit being judgemental or just plain AFRAID of other peoples problems, you may surprise yourself at how much you find out about that fat person, or the drug addict, or the homeless guy on the corner. You may surprise yourself at what you learn about yourself AND how much a caring heart can help your fellow human.

Rebeccah

Monday, April 03, 2006, 11:43 AM

Disagree

I don't know about everyone else, but I personally am not judging my mom and aunts. It's a fact that they are way over weight, the question for me is WHY. And, how to avoid becoming that way if it IS in fact GENETIC whether that be, depression, alcholism, thyroid problems, or the possibility of obesity in genes ( I have read several studies on this).

I don't think anyone here is freaked as in AFRAID of them, more like their behavior patterns/possible genetic connections.

The positive point is that once we acknowledge the problem and our possible connections to it, you can eliminate falling into a genetic/family related behavioral role because you know better now. I didn't see that anyone was critisizing heavy people- more like concerned for themselves based on the proximity to these people (blood relations/having grown up in a household where, obviously the parents behaviors and eating was reinforced).

I don't see this thread as a bashing just concern.

Monday, April 03, 2006, 3:52 PM

Agree

I totally agree. My Mom was alway slim, and in the past 4-5 years, she has really ballooned. I have always struggled with weight, and overeating issues, but never saw how I ate just like she did- until now. The way she stayed slim was to pig out and then not have much food for weeks, maybe a cup of coffee, no lunch, and a small bowl of pasta for dinner. I, on the other hand, would pig out on chips or crackers with her, and never suppress on the other meals. My Mom never addressed my being overweight (I was over 200 lbs. by the time I was 14), because she didn't recognize her own. Now she just cycles between coffee and no food and eats a crazy amount of sweets at night. It makes me anxious to visit her. I find myself feeling guilty that I'm eating well and losing weight (20 so far), and she just seems to be complacent. I'm afraid to turn out like her, and continue this crazy cycle onto my future kids. I'm determined not to do that, but I'm concerned that she's going to eat herself into a heart attack or stroke. She's gained about 70 lbs. in the last 4 years.

Monday, April 03, 2006, 5:00 PM

I once read some book called Fit or Fat or something like that and I recall the author saying that he had heard time and time again that people lack the motivation to change the way they look. His suggestion was to buy a full-length mirror. Kind of harsh, but just the thought did it for me.

My mom is overweight and has a lot of health issues. I love her and want whats best for her. You only have one life to live - saying something to the ones you love ONE TIME may help and it may not. There is no cookie cutter answer for everyone. What led to my final "ah-ha!" moment was based on a lot of reading - and a lot of comments - some of them from loved ones - some of them not. Some of them friendly and well-meaning - and some of them so negative it still hurts to think about them.

However, when it comes down to it, everyone has to find their own breaking point. Their own motivator. Everyone must live their own life. We have found our new religion - it's called fitness. But that doesn't mean we have to cram it down everyone else's throat. Maybe just being an example will be enough.

This is what I have done...I have started a personal group for friends and family here at PEERtrainer. They don't use it much right now, but it is an occasional way for us to keep in touch and my hope is that one day they will be ready to use it as a tool to lose weight.

-Star

Monday, April 03, 2006, 5:11 PM

OP - Freaked as in mortal fear, not hate! Sheesh!

I never said I didn't like them. They are wonderful, kind people. Rather that's the conflict. I look at my dad's diabetic swollen ankles and diabetic insulin induced rages and just start freaking out. My heart beats 12-15 beats faster when I am with him, even sitting calmly in a chair... I had big bottles of water in my car and drank so much water when I was out helping him with errands, I actually felt like my stomach was going to exploode. When I didn't make it to the gym before it closed I had a total shit fit in my car and had to sit there for a little before I could drive again. I had to go shopping for food that night and I bought almost every bottle of vitamins at Trader Joes. And I just feel so helpless... that I can't do anything about it, only they can, and you can't make people make positive changes. At 59, my dad is doing his FIRST diet because he is having heart problems and they can't operate because of complications from his weight.

He was a happy, great guy before he developed diabetes- President of his fraternity, IBM consultant, married a hot go go dancer (mom). But he absolutely would not exercise or eat healthy... We used to battle it out like crazy. He did the total rage-aholic thing everytime his insulin level dropped. Totally killed his personal and professional relationships. And he never did drugs or drank.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006, 11:46 PM

Hi OP, I hear you. All of my familly has been overweight pretty much most of their lives. I managed to stay the slim one for the most part until about 10 years ago. Now my mom and brother both have diabetes and I'm scared for myself. Dad has lost weight and managed to keep it off in the last 5-8 years, thank goodness. I also have two aunts who had severly disabling strokes, both lifelong smokers. One of them passed away at just 61 of a heart attack. I'm not disgusted by them, I'm just sad and afraid for myself.

Sorry to hear that dad's insulin is out of control. I have a friend who is an insulin dependent diabetic who used to live with us who would pass out on almost a daily basis (know the paramedics too well) then his blood sugar would rocket to over 500. He's now at least 75# overwieght, has had 8-9 strokes and a major heart attack and he's so disabled he must live in an adult family home. So I know where diabetes can take you, and it's not a pretty place. I feel for you.

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