What if I Never Get Married? The Feared Call of Singleness

I remember when a well-meaning woman told me rather callously I needed to stop ‘being boy crazy’ and know that God might never give me a husband. Can we stop telling people they might be called to singleness?

Many will disagree, but if you are married, it’s never a good idea to tell someone single that they might never meet someone. That God might call them to ‘singleness’ as if he also might call them to endure cancer. {Because singleness does feel like cancer to many!}

Is it the truth? Yes. Sometimes God asks women and men to remain single for the purpose of glorifying him in their singleness. For me, it feels callous and lacking compassion to tell someone that their worst case scenario might come true. Yes, marriage might not be in the cards. But it’s important to speak the truth in love, and I believe we are missing the truth we desire to communicate.

Let me explain. A mother learns she’s pregnant for the first time. She and her husband are ecstatic and start telling people when the baby is just 4 weeks old. You pull her aside in her elation and inform her, “Just so you know…your child may die before reaching kindergarten. That may be God’s plan. So don’t place all your hope in the life inside you.”

Is it true? Absolutely. Some children tragically, especially in early stages of pregnancy. Might it be God’s plan? Yes. You can find scripture to back it up. (David and Bathsheba’s child didn’t survive despite fervent prayer and fasting). Should the mother not place all her hope in the life inside her stomach? 100%. Anything we place all our hope in besides Christ will let us down. But even if your statement represents truth, communicated in a careless way it can be damaging. Same with this ‘God calling you to singleness’ truth that is creeping up in Christian circles recently. Truth? Possibly. Helpful? No.

I suggest we communicate the truth in a different light. Instead of dwelling on or telling someone that “God may call you to singleness”–which is always the exception not the norm–what if we talked about contentment and trusting God with the future?

I don’t want to give false hope. Not everyone reading this post will find a spouse, just like none of us are guaranteed a job or kids or even a long life. While God promises to give us the desires of our hearts, he is not Santa Claus.

Truths about Singleness:

Singleness is always an exception, not a norm. If you look at Bible as a whole, the main verse people use to discuss this call to singleness is 1 Corinthians 7. But did you know Paul was writing during a time of great distress? There was a famine in Greece and great persecution. Some scholars say Paul was writing of a temporary exception to marriage because of the circumstances.

God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.

For most of my readers, His answer is yes, but not right now. We have to WAIT for His best. Don’t start dating that guy!

Statistically speaking, you are more likely to get divorced than never get married. For the sake of your heart and the future of your children, choose wisely!

God is a good Dad, who is longing to bless us in the midst of trials. His plan often includes long periods of waiting and seasons of confusion and doubt–but it always ends with being face to face with the Savior who died for us.

Marriage does not solve all your problems. A spouse cannot and will not complete you. There will always be idols competing for your heart. False Gods promising to save.

I pray you continue to love mercy and walk with God whether or not a husband is on the horizon. Marriage is the greatest blessing. But you don’t want to do this with the wrong person.

What are your thoughts on the singleness epidemic occurring in Christian circles? Is singleness the norm or the exception? How have you dealt with your singleness?

Comments

Great post, I very much needed to hear this today! I am in the annoying situation of knowing I am not ready for marriage yet, yet being fed up of my singleness and that it may last forever.
I think singleness is the exception, as God did create us with the desire for a spouse. And yet I know many godly men and women who are in their thirties and are still single (and not by choice). It doesn’t seem to make sense!

I agree, L! A lot of the waiting in our lives don’t seem to make a lick of sense. Have you ever caught yourself saying to God…”If I was God, I would do things differently”. It’s so easy for me to put my human expectations of what is best on the God of the Universe–when clearly His ways and thoughts are higher than ours.

Continue to trust Him during this difficult time. He hears you–He knows how much you want to be married. I am praying for you now!

Yep I definitely can relate. A lot of my friends are married and even though I tell myself I don’t want to be married and act like it doesn’t matter, truthfully it does. Because then when you get discouraged and lonely I have been known to date “that guy” that I know i shouldn’t be hanging out with. Then in turn feel guilty for not trusting God. Then I begin the process again with waiting and praying for God to fill this void. It’s a vicious cycle sometimes.

I agree with you Kathryn. I’m not answering the call for as long as I can breath. Jesus may love us but he is not the spouse who can put his physical arms around us or physically be there when we can share our ups and downs. There is a big difference between drying your own tears of frustration to having your husband dry them for you and say that everything will be okay. Better yet, a “partner in crime” to pray with to God to guide us! Sorry for the rant but I needed to get it out. Bless you all single ladies and I hope you don’t have to wait another year.

God really sucks the way i look at it, and there are many of us men that are still single too. I never asked to be put on this rotten earth in the first place, and to see so many other blessed men and women that have each other with a family really hurts me since i wanted the same thing too. Why are we always the forgotten ones?

Tim!! Tim!! Complain to God he can will answer you. As a man if you really want to you can find a wife the bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing that means you as a man find a wife. Shake yourself off your pity party and find your wife only believe and remember faith without actions is dead.one of my christian friends found his wife on ok Cupid others on set for marriage sites. GOD GAVE ME A WIFE BEYOND MY DREAMS
I grew up hearing the Word of God all the time—in church, in my house, and through my mom, who was a church leader. I loved God and even suffered a lot of persecution in school because of my faith.

When I was in college, I started to pray for a Christian wife, but I could not find anyone to date. It was some years after graduation that I finally found someone I liked, but she broke my heart and I cried for many weeks.

I started to question God and ask Him why this was happening if I had been so faithful to Him. Even after I moved to the United States years later, I was still crying and begging God for a wife. I kept reminding Him of how good I was, how I kept myself pure because of Him, and how I deserved to have a wife.

Later, I began dating Christian girls and became serious about one of them. But she broke up with me and that made me resentful because I had treated her well. At the same time, I also felt condemned because I kissed her and I thought I was not “pure” anymore. I kept asking God for forgiveness but it only brought more condemnation.

From then on, I began looking at girls all the time with lust in my heart. I heard these accusations in my head: “How can God bless you when you have that sin, when you are full of lust? God won’t bless you and He won’t give you a wife!”

I repented and promised God that I would not lust after girls again. I did my best to spend time with Him by praying and reading the Bible. I also forced myself to look elsewhere when an attractive girl passed by. After a while, I would feel “full” of God’s presence and confident enough to pray for a wife, only to slip back into feeling lustful. And then the cycle of these religious efforts would start again.

I even increased my time of praying and reading the Word. I also fasted and went to church six times a week! However, after a few days, I would be back to flirting with girls on the Internet with my head full of lust for them. Then, I was back to crying and asking God for forgiveness. All these only brought more condemnation and guilt into my life and I started getting deeper into sin, even developing an addiction to masturbation.

I thought God was not going to bless me with a wife because of my actions and thoughts, and at the suggestion of a church leader, I made a vow to God. I promised Him many things including stopping masturbation in exchange for a wife. But after a few weeks, I was back to sinning again and I felt even more condemned about breaking the vow. I thought God was going to curse me.

By then, I was thirty-eight years old and still not married. I was angry because friends my age were already married and blessed with children. I felt that following God’s laws and statutes was a curse.

The turning point for me came when I saw one of my favorite pastors posting an update on Facebook about a book he had enjoyed reading. It was the book, Destined To Reign, by Joseph Prince. I believe that the Holy Spirit put the desire and curiosity in me to buy the book, and I started to read it after I got it in the mail.

At first, I did not agree with what Pastor Prince was saying. However, the more I read the book, the more I understood the gospel of grace. I started to go to a park every day first thing in the morning to read the book. I started to meditate on the gospel truths in the book.

It took me about two months to complete reading the book because it was so rich. At the end of it, I let go of all the disagreements I had because I saw myself as the righteousness of God through Christ. For the first time in my life, I did not have condemnation hunting me down! I still had the problem with masturbation from time to time but instead of crying, I began to confess, “I am the righteousness of God through His Son, Jesus!”

Knowing I was completely loved, completely blessed, and completely forgiven somehow kept me pure. I was also confident that God was going to bless me with a wife, not because of my good behavior, but because of what Jesus has done for me. I even told God to renew my youth and bless me with someone who was completely “out of my league.”

Finally, my miracle occurred when I felt led to create a profile on a Christian dating website. Soon after, I found a beautiful girl on the website, and I sent her an email. Unbeknownst to me, she had created her profile just fifteen minutes before I sent her the email, because she wanted to prove to her friend what a bad idea the website was. On that website she received tons of emails from guys wanting to date her. She deleted all those emails but she said that when she read my profile, something impressed on her spirit, and she wanted to get to know me better.

After communicating via email, we met and got to know each other better. I am much older than her but God confirmed in many ways that we are meant for each other. Her parents, who were against all her earlier relationships, also approved of me and our decision to get married. So now, we are married, and I can say that she over exceeds all the expectations I gave God! I could not be happier!

Both of us have read the books Destined To Reign and Unmerited Favor together. We are starting a group with neighbors and friends called “God’s Unmerited Favor Study Group.” I have bought all of Joseph Prince’s materials and we enjoy hearing his preaching every week.

Thank you for making me understand and welcome God’s grace in my life. His grace has changed my life forever! Now, I am passionate about showing people the true gospel of grace.

How would i be able to meet a Good Woman since many of them are Very Nasty Today? And when many of us which i will speak for others too always seen to meet the women that will walk away from us when we will try to start a Conversation with the one that we would really like to meet. I had a woman threaten to call the cops on me at one time, and my approach was very good which i was very polite too since it wasn’t good enough for her. You have to remember that we’re living in different times today that women are Not as nice as you think they are, and many women i would say were certainly a lot nicer years ago and much easier to meet. So how would God be able to send me a Godly Woman if many of them act this way now? It is the women that are certainly at Fault, not us men since there are many of us out there that have to Suffer for the bad ones. Peace, and thank you for your support.

Please check out website how I got married by prayer things God taught me. All the best as you agree with God’s word may he grant you the desires of your heart in Jesus name.

No good thing will God withhold from those who walk with him. Only one doing withholding is satan don’t forget Daniel prayed for 21 days meanwhile the devil was fighting the angel who came to bring his answer. Don’t give up arise oh mighty man of valour go get your girl!!!!! If unbelieving men can do it many even managing to marry lovely christian ladies so can you

MArk the Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing its the man’s job to seek a wife there are sooo many good beautiful godlyl straight women out there!!! That is not an excuse if it was a woman saying what you said it would make sense the problem is christian men are not interested in the lovely ladies in front of them no wonder why many are getting married to moral non believers!!! Muslim men have been chasing and romancing good christian women who sadly sometimes get married to them. Perhaps some Christian men should say they are not interested it is your job to seek and ask GOD to help you find a wife he WILL ANSWER!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU

Everyone on this site should get on Bethany Scanlon book wheres my mate?? on face book great discussion and ANSWERS come on this can be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! interview on you tube and facebook

I agree with you so much Tim. I am 42 years old, and as a woman I wanted to be a mother. And as of recently, my heart has began to break to the point that I can’t hold back the weeping and the great since of loss I feel out of knowing that I will not be a mother, after I have waited so long to be a wife. I have been told, that evidently I am a substandard Christian by people at my church, because I dare to not be satisfied by just having the love of God. To find out that I will end up as a dried up barren old maid, after longing to be a wife and mother, just feels cruel…..not like some blessing that people are trying to convince me is a gift from God. My broken heart and empty arms that will never hold or nurse a baby cannot receive these comments at all.

To Tia, i certainly feel your pain as well since that last comment that i had made. It certainly hurts very much to be all alone and single for many of us since so many others have been Blessed with a wonderful family which many of us would’ve wanted the same thing as well which we’re No different than the ones that have that. God forgot about many of us good innocent people which is very unfair the way i see it, and what makes it worst is that they keep showing family commercials on TV which does add insult to injury for many of us with no family at all. They should start showing commercials for Single people for a change so that people like us that are single could have places to go to meet one another, and the ones that are married could care less about us since their life is so complete. Peace and good luck.

To Tim,
I know exactly what you mean about television and commercials being geared towards . All the talk about getting your life started, with clips of couples looking for a home with room for a nursery. And how about all the diaper commercials with little toddlers crawling across the floor or taking their first steps. It is enough to drive daggers into a lonely barren girls heart. And for God’s sake, don’t go to church which is all family oriented and caters to families an their children. And for crying out loud, don’t admit to church people that you are miserably lonely……then you become some idol worshipper who does not love God enough, or who has refused to be satisfied with God alone, as if their is no way to love both God and a family. You have to be some cyborg robot who has no human feelings or desires.

Dont give up hope trust in the LORD surrender everything and keep on confessing the word then go out and meet ladies be led of the holy Spirit your a man its your job to ask the lady out all the best may the LORD grant you the desires of your heart

Start seeing yourself as a husband as a leader as marriage material as a man thinketh so is he COME ONE CHRISTIANS YOU can do this!! Throw away everything not of GOD including unbelief cut of soul ties and move in faith to what GOD has in store for you

i am one of those ‘called to singleness’ and there is nothing more disheartening than to have well meaning acquaintances or relatives comment on me being married. i have tried different sayings – i’d rather be single than wish i was (this worked well on my aunt, who has 9 children, only two of them that have not had major marriage troubles) and my husband’s wife hasn’t died yet. Or even…it is my choice i am single (to further explore than, i am sure if i went further from home, there would be someone who would marry a mennonite girl who cooks). So thank you for standing up for me. (i am 54)

Do you have any single friends your age? I’m curious if it has been a struggle to find peers who aren’t running off to kids soccer games or planning the next PTA meeting. What has it been like to remain single–have your friends and community changed?

Thank you for this refreshing take on singleness. I am a 31 year-old woman who is dealing with the mixed feelings of being single. At times I relish the freedom that comes from not having to “answer to someone”, however at other times I admit that the loneliness seems almost too much to bear. I have several unwed friends but over the years that number has gotten smaller and smaller. Sometimes I wonder, has God forgotten about me? It seems as though marriage and relationships come so easily for others, but for me it has been quite the challenge. As much as I try to be patient and wait on God’s timing, lately it has gotten harder and harder. However, in spite of the sadness that I may face at times, I know that I must remain faithful and continue to praise and thank God! You are right to remind us that God wants us to have the desires of our hearts; for me (in this moment), my desire is for a husband and children. Thank you for sharing such an inspiring and positive message. I definitely needed it today

So well written and so thoughtful my dear! I am so thankful for you in my life. I was single until 29 and struggled with it often. Contentment is such a hard think to let God work in you before and after marriage.

Precious, just precious! Ruthie, I went to SMU and knew Michael through Wesley. I’m so glad we are (were?) Facebook friends so that the day came where I clicked on a link to your blog! I have read so many of your entries and you are truly a gifted writer. This post in particular spoke volumes to my heart. My 28th birthday is next week and I continue to pray for a heart and mindset like Paul’s in Ephesians 4:12. Thank you for the abundant encouragement! I am praying for you all too!

I agree, people can be well-meaning but unthinking in their comments to singles. I remember being told that perhaps God may be calling me to singleness by a couple who were anguished in their struggle to become pregnant. I would never have intimated to them that perhaps God’s plan for them did not include children. God chooses our journey and we draw closer to Him in the process and learn to trust that whatever He chooses is good and will transform us more and more into His image. No other person can know what His plan for us includes and should therefore not speculate on our behalf.

That is a very good comment. I don’t think that people realize how their words affect people. I am 42 and single, and having to accept that even if I did find someone at this point, I will not be able to be a mother. I have endured some pretty heartless comments inregareds to both my singleness and my barrenness. I feel very isolated and alone. I don’t really see how God, who knew in eternity, how heart broken I would feel would allow this to happen in my life. And I don’t see how people whoa re supposed to be full of the love of God can say hurtful things.

I still remember once at sunday school, one elder lady was telling a story of a dear sister who has been single for almost 20 years before she finally married, while me being the only single in the room, I said I wouldn’t go to sunday school again… 20 years seems to be so long to me, what if God called me to be single for 20 years??!! I agree that even what we say may be true, how we said it matters way more than we can imagine. Being single is not a curse, though it may not always have sunshine in lives, I’ve experienced a lot blessings to have single sisters and be prepared for marriage during singleness. Thanks for writing this to remind speaking truth in love and with compassion!

I remember you telling me this story:) Yeah, who wants to hear about someone who had to wait 20 years for a husband?! Not me! I’m glad you found my post resonated. I’ve seen God radically change you over the past five years–and it started with your dating life. Praise Him for redeeming us!

I used to hear these irrelevant stories all the time
About people who had family members
Who were single um so freakin what ! And ???
They aren’t me ! Not sure why they brought that up
As it added 0 to the conversation !
It was totally irrelevant . Not sure what they are trying to say
But it really had 0 relevance

Kat, people just have an innate ability to be inconsiderate and insensitive. I have said the same thing myself. I have shared the pain in my heart over being single and having to face infertility even if I found a mate at this late stage, and I will get a story about ssomeone who may be living single longer than the 22 years that I have endured it, and how they can’t have children now either and how they are happy to just be saved in the Lord. The I have to give this person a speech about how their are individual unique differences between people and their feelings and their capacities to endure heart ache and pain. Or how about the excuse that says that you are not alone in this, and that other people are also enduring loneliness, as if somehow this should negate the pain of my loneliness, as if my feelings about it or now inconsequential and irrelevant. I have had to learn how to just tune some people out and ignore others. I am so sorry for the deep ache in your heart. I will not try to say that I know how you feel, but what I will say that I ma truly sorrowful that you are hurting in this way, and I hope that love, human love, come to you soon to meet the psychosocial emotional need that you have for love and affection.

I love this. love love love this. Thank you. Singleness isn’t a bad thing. We can all serve God in our own ways. I think we should be encouraged in our singleness… to hold out for a relationship that will build God and breed growth in that relationship, to serve in our singlesness, and to bring about the Church of God the best way we can WHILE we are single. It sucks. I’m not gonna lie. But it doesn’t always suck and there is good in there. So thank you for standing up for us single ladies We appreciate the encouragement more than you will ever know!

Your honesty is refreshing, Diana. I still remember those hard seasons of wondering whether or not God had anyone for me. Keep waiting for the right man and praying God will give you strength. Glad you were encouraged. Thanks for sharing your heart.

This paragraph was exactly what I needed to hear!! “God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.” Since I was young, the desire of my heart has been to be a wife and a mom. I am working on the desire for a husband to not become an idol in my life. I want God to be number one, first and foremost. I love what you said about God giving a husband or taking away the desire. That will be a great comfort during this tome of waiting! I am in a single ladies bible study and I will definitely be sharing this blog post with them. Thank you for your words of truth!

Beautifully and perfectly stated! I had a women ask me recently if I was ok with being single? As if it was a choice. Luckily I have humor on my side and just smiled. But the above is so true and no matter how hard I pray for God to take the desire of marriage away it just gets stronger!!! Ashley thanks for recomending I read this!!!

Yes, I’m sure the woman was well-intentioned–but it hurts, I know. It’s good to have a sense of humor and give each other grace. I wouldn’t pray for God to take the desire for marriage away–pray for His will! Don’t assume He doesn’t want you to be married just because you’ve waited for longer than you’d like. Continue to pour yourself into serving Him and pray, pray, pray that if He has a husband for you–then He will prepare you and Him to serve together!

Ruthie, I believe you have struck a nerve in me that I couldn’t put my finger on. Sadly, I have been that married girl who has told single friends that they may in-fact be called to singleness. Ugh. Even paired with “but God knows the desires of your heart”- this news is depressing. True but depressing. I played the martyr (victim) for so long in my marriage and I think that the negative, “suck-it-up” attitude still persists in me. That God wants us to suffer through life not enjoying things we desire is just not true. When you’re in a dark place, it’s easy to believe that. Thank you for reminding me that joy is found not in circumstances or marital status but in trusting a loving God.

Hi Danelle! Thanks for sharing. It’s easy to lack compassion, isn’t it? I’ve been hurt by and hurt others by “suck it up”, “get over it”, “stop complaining” messages. The truth is God never promises to make our lives easy (in fact following Christ means taking up your Cross–or your instrument of death)–but He does promise to never leave us & do everything for our future blessing. I spent too long thinking of God as a cruel taskmasker, when he instructs us to call him Abba Father and husband!

I just want to say THANK YOU Ruthie. I am so grateful for this blog as it blesses my heart every time I read it! I definitely thought I would be married and a mom to a few by now…but God had different plans. I love this quote, “God’s vision is different from our daydreams.” It’s true. God’s vision for our lives may not look like we thought it would…but there is so much to learn; so much life to be lived; so much to experience. I don’t want to miss the joy in THIS SEASON of my life because I’m longing so much for the next season. It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis.

As a single Christian girl, I hear the most ridiculous statements from well meaning friends, family and church members. My older sister struggled with infertility for many years and experienced much of the same thing. Now, as a mama, she refuses to make those statements to women currently struggling with this. Like, “just stop thinking about it and you will get pregnant!” I feel the same way about being single. If I do get married, there are so many things that I will never say to the single people God places in my life. I love your thoughts on this. Thanks for being an incredible blessing to me!

My roommate and I had a conversation on this topic just last week. We realized that both of us had been lying to ourselves, and other people about our desire to marry. We had convinced ourselves, our familes and our community that we were called to be single because it seemed easier than dealing with the potential hurt. I also realized that I believed the lie, that being single was better. I thought that it was the only way I could do Kingdom work. It is interesting, because I do ministry with many married couples and the wife does just as much Kingdom work. I don’t know what the future holds but these past few weeks have included a lot of processing with close friends trying to figure out what the Lord wants for me, not what I think he wants.

Love that you were finally able to be honest with yourself and with God. Numbing our hearts is never what God intends–truly! It’s less painful just to ignore our desires, but God wants us to lean on Him in the midst of unmet wants and unmet expectations.

I grew up in a church by the name of King’s Park International Church, Many years ago, I attended a yearly church conference for college students called Campus Harvest (it’s fantastic, I would go again and recommend it to anyone). This particular year, there was a seminar that I believe had to do with dating, singleness, and marriage. One of the speakers was Jim Lafoon, an amazing pastor, who is prophetic like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t remember a whole lot from it, I mean lets be honest it was 3+ years ago – but there is one thing he said that I’ll NEVER forget. He said if you are AFRAID God has called you to single-hood, then you haven’t been.

I can’t begin to say how much relief that statement brought me!!! (I’m the girl guys look at, flirt with, but literally next door to never ask out. Never in middle school (class of ’98), high school (class of ’03), nor thus far at my university (class of ’12 or 13 (life started out great in college and then I was railroaded multiple times byt it))). I’ve had 2 boyfriends both of whom I met online (will never go there again), was engaged to the 2nd (he broke it off in a text a couple years ago). Trying to surrender my love life completely to God while I get on with the purpose He has for my life.

This is a tough topic for me as I have never been married and have dated very little. (I am 51) yet I have so many people tell me that ‘God will give me the desires of my heart’ and that I need to learn to be content. Sometimes it just hits you in the face and you start to question ‘what is in my life that is not pleasing to God or what needs to change so that God will bless me in this area’
Then you look around, I attend a very large church and the number of available men is very slim… where are the ‘real men’ these days. I really stuggle with this as I have never felt that I was called to singleness but feel that I have been left here.
In one of your earlier post, you asked the question about the circle of friends getting smaller.. it is very small. All my friends are way older than me and retired and the only thing that draws us together is the need of company so you try and find something that you have in common.

Kathleen, I cannot imagine the pain of watching friend after friend get married and not having the chance yourself. Know this: God sees you & knows your desires. Remember when the Virgin Mary found out she was pregnant? She said, “I will praise the God WHO SEES ME.” I love that image of God.

I can relate !!! I have watched couples Form
Date get engaged married then have kids – it’s not fun
At all !! But what really hurts me is my 13 year old niece may have her first boyfriend before me. !
That’s never suppose to happen !

Kathleen,
I’m 35 going on 36. I share your pain and my circle of single friends has dropped down to 4. That’s right! 4! My married friends try to hang on and communicate back and forth with little things like how pets can be sweet and all. I feel that I have been set aside (except by my single friends). I have already to ask myself, what is it I’m doing wrong or what is it I’m doing wrong with my prayers. I have even prayed to God saying, “Lord, if my prayers don’t please you, please hear the ones of my friends” who are praying continuously for me to find a husband. Every time someone mentions marriage, engagement, or shower, it hits a really raw nerve and I begin to sob. All this has led me to become more bitter. I even developed insomnia and anxiety. My anxiety has become so bad I have had to go to the doctor to get medicine! God doesn’t forsake us so why do I feel forsaken? I did my research and discovered that it’s more difficult and expensive for a single to adopt or to do IVF in order to have the gift of motherhood. I make a decent living but it’s still very expensive!

I too have attended two large churches and there are very few “real and available men”. I used to be shy but now I approach gentlemen and speak with them. The problem is that they are engaged or married and with the values that I was raised with, I stop strictly at the friend zone. It even slams me harder in the face as you put it when I see couples and families. For this reason, I find it too painful to go to church. Therefore, I listen to godly preachers on TV like Charles Stanley and David Jeremiah who don’t focus on family as the others do but on values such as being truthful and having a godly relationship with God.

I know it’s not much but I send you a cyber hug in comfort. Bless you and may God help you find comfort.

I do the same thing, I don’t go to church also because I feel the same pain, it also just make me mad how these christian men who do get these beautiful women don’t hardly know any bible, I had one women who left me and said she could not be with a guy that all he did was read the bible all day, in my mind it seems like these so called christian women are just looking to get turned on and have no desire to learn the Bible and the scripture is very plain,My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children, and this is what we should be doing, 2 Peter Chapter 3:18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen, but for some reason they aren’t interested.

Hi–thanks for your thoughtful blog. It convicted me a little that maybe I’ve “given up” on getting married–and that’s not a very faith-ful or healthy attitude. On the other hand, I think we do set ourselves up for failure when we make marriage the “chief blessing” of being a Christian–there’s so much more! What about leading someone to Christ? What about the joy of a unified body of all kinds of people? What about being God’s hands and feet of love to orphans? It seems silly when you step back to spend so much agony over one missing experience or relationship.
Although I know it will get harder for me as I age if I don’t get married. I try to treasure examples like Lilias Trotter and a friend in her 60s who went to the mission field in her 20s, single and with polio! She’s now retired and I asked her if she’d ever consider dating. She told me she had to lay her singleness on the altar to God and try to hold IT with an open hand!!
I don’t know–I want to be balanced, but what really happens is I go in cycles of contentment vs. discontentment–and throughout I always still have romantic desires. But lately it doesn’t feel like my most desperate need. More desperate is the sense of need for the Spirit’s work in my life and seeing Jesus’ kingdom realized.
Anyway, a bit of a different perspective, for what it’s worth.

Thank you so much for your kindness and thoughtfulness in dealing with this subject. I do agree that if you are called to singleness, that will be your desire. If you are desiring marriage keep believing God for your mate but in the mean time, keep your focus on the Lord and what He has for you to do in the present.

Thank you Ruthie for posting this little narrative. I’m a 28 yr old man. I really have only met the Lord in my life last November. And life has took on a totally different direction. I currently attend a young man’s (Catholic) Christian Bible Study every Tuesday and I attend an interdenominational Charismatic Gathering on Sundays. I honestly really join it for the worship songs. They are just great!

I’ve recently gone through two (inconclusive) revelations that I might be called to a life of singleness. My current thoughts right now are “I don’t want to be alone in life. Why would God do this? I know the Lord is always with me, but I have always deeply desired and envisioned that He would eventually lead me to someone. I desire small kisses, long phone calls, children, a family, etc. I desire a partner to be with and to share companionship. This is my DEEPEST desire.” I haven’t been in a relationship in years. I just can’t wrap my head around being single for my entire life.

Kindly pray for me. I have been opening myself up to God’s specific plan for me up until now, and now all I see is a huge brick wall. I’m just so angry, bitter, and resentful with Him. His plan is totally OPPOSITE from my deepest desire! I know this is mean and un-Christian for me to say, but a part of me just feels like He is so selfish. I thought if anything, He would fill my deepest desires. This is the probably the hardest struggle I have ever gone up against. I don’t want to be angry at God. I guess I just thought that it would be in the works for me to be with someone.

I’ll pray for the humility and patience to accept that God can change my desire.

I am so glad I found your site. I was going through one of my “when will it be my turn?” moments and was sitting around googling topics on singleness. Your site came up, and I have already been blessed. I have been blessed with so many earthly accomplishments, but my heart still feels such a void because of my desire to be married. I am almost 40 and never imagined that I would be single at this point in my life. Some days are really good and others are utterly depressing and sad. I want to be happy and content on my singleness; it’s just that somedays it seems more like a curse than a blessing. I have signed up for your updates, so I look forward to more inspiration. God bless you.

I’m thrilled you found my site. Wow. I love hearing stories of what people were searching when they stumbled upon my site. You don’t know how many stories I hear of women searching “singleness”–you are not alone. It’s incredibly painful when our plans don’t line up with God’s and were left wondering when it will be our turn. I write about singleness often so I pray you will continue to be inspired.

@ Cheryl,
As a never married 40 something woman who wanted marriage, er, yeah, it’s rather hard to work up loads of sympathy for someone who’s been married before but who got a divorce later.

No offense to the infertile ladies, but it’s like reading forums where married infertile ladies complain bitterly about not being able to have a baby but who keep mentioning in their posts, things like,”my wonderful husband who holds my hand as I weep over the infertility, and he takes me to doctor appointments…”

As a never married woman, it’s hard to drum up sympathy for people who are either currently married who or were before, especially the ones who show no gratitude for the spouse they have (if they have one).

I hope anyone reading my post will do as I suggested and read yours too! I resonate so much with the comments here as well. I know there is a worse loneliness than being single, and I know God is in control…etc. But what I know and what I feel aren’t always in agreement. Unfortunately, so many times it’s tempting to let sadness rule and to wallow in being “unchosen” and “unwanted”, left out and left behind – no matter how ridiculously untrue those things may be. I appreciate everyone’s willingness to start with such honesty…but fierce commitment to end up by choosing to believe what is TRUE, noble, lovely, etc. (because of Jesus) over their feelings. The battle to do so really is a fierce and relentless one. Battle on, my fellow single warriors!

One little verse that I keep coming back to is Jesus’ own words in Matthew 19:12: “Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”

“…who can” Two little words with a lot of implication about being single!

Still single at 43, I have _really_ struggled with it, and started a website (waitingforintimacy.com) as a way of collecting my thoughts on this issue, and hopefully serve as an encouragement to other singles–they’re not alone!

I’m 64 and still single. I don’t think I regretted it. Perhaps the right man did not came along yet? Or I must have missed him ? At 23 I became the head of the family as my father died. I did have some boyfriends but none proposed or not really that serious. But I have no regrets. Then my mother retired so I am sole wage earner. In the Philippines, it’s difficult to be the lone wage earner. I feel getting married may pose several problems. Then there’s my brother who needed schooling and so on… Perhaps if it is really the Lord’s will to get married or remained single? But right now, I’m just happy having a personal relationship with Jesus. Whether he wants me to get married or not, I am happy until He return. God Bless you for your encouraging column.

I’m 38 never dated and yes I wanted to but it never happened !
Being single is like a cancer
I will never be content with being alone
I was told Jesus is my husband um no he’s not
I’m 38 !!i
I feel embarrassed ashamed and disheartened
I don’t care If God called me to be single the answer is no !!!
Didn’t call any friends or family

I too have been told by people Of this alleged call
Never occurred to me until some person assumed
.
My feelings for God changed and no for the better

It’s OK to hurt, because I don’t believe it’s God’s will for most people to be single, and it’s a God given desire to be married. But unfulfilled desires are part of living in a fallen world. I completely understand the shame you feel – we are reminded of it at work, at the church, and in the media that marriage, which happens so easily for so many, just has not come our way. However, you will have peace when you realize that shame is not yours to carry. The Lord will carry it for us, and promises a blessing for those with the courage to mourn. Take heart, because there is always comfort and blessing and freedom on the other side of grief. Allow yourself the freedom to grieve, without shame, because this is not your fault. And try, if you can, find people who will comfort you and walk with you in your singleness, instead of giving you pat answers that it’s “God’s call”. These types of statements are more about making the people saying them feel better about a situation that they cannot explain, and helps the avoid walking with those who suffer.

I will pray for you, for Go’d comfort and rest in your situation. Never give up hope, nor be ashamed of it. God has often blessed people even in the twilight of their lives, when all hope seemed lost. And rest assured, your grief will not be in vain in the hands of the Lord.

Awesome article. Yes I know the feeling perhaps try and join a on line dating like christian mingle or ok cupid I found Pat Holliday book on spirit of Asmodeus which prevents singles from marrying helped me. I am now seriously dating as I no longer believe in the just wait on God i was doing that and now in late 30’s . Marriage was supposed to be created by GOD how come it seems everyone else is getting married? I have no idea what I ever did to God to make him treat me this way. Even worse is seeing people who slept around getting married and having children, Heck even gay marriages are taking place.

I’m in my mid 40s and I have never been married. I am content, but I still would prefer to married to a good man. My singleness is not a choice. I also don’t think contentness equals the absence of desire to marry. I don’t believe my singleness is God’s call to singleness, either. We shouldn’t be surprised that there are many older, never married single women in the church, since there is such an abysmal shortage of Christian men in the church. If anything, our lingering singleness bears witness against the church for her failure to evangelize men in this country. It’s hardly evidence of God’s call to singleness. I think He hurts with us in our ache, and gives us peace in the midst of it.

You think he hurts ? Um I hope he remedies the situation !
I had to stop taking what people think God is doing seriously or as what’s happening
As its just an opinion . It used to trouble me and anger me
Until I realized what people think is just that what they think
No one knows . One can think God hurts well isn’t that giving God the reaction you have ?

@ Nancy.
I could have written your post, though I am a few years younger. I am single by circumstance, not choice.

One thing that cheeses me off is all the garbage I was taught as a kid and teen about all this.

I was told by so many Christian lay persons, my Christian mother, preachers, I saw it in so many Christian magazines and books about dating and marriage back then, that if I prayed about the matter, trusted God to send me a spouse, that God would send me a spouse. Here I am, still not married and in my early forties.

I’ve dumped the old chestnut about ‘be not yoked to an unbeliever” already. Following that teaching to a “T” is a recipe to most definitely staying single indefinitely. I’ve drifted a little bit from the Christian faith in the last two years anyway, where I’m partially agnostic now, so maybe the “yoked” thing is a moot point for me.

But for many, many years I was a goody goody Christian girl. I didn’t smoke, drink, sleep around, go to bars, I prayed for a spouse but am still single. Most churches I have gone to in person, the females vastly out number the single males.

I have given up on all the standard Christian advice about how to get married, because it does not work at all.

I’m with you Christian. I have literally tried everything. I prayed to God for more than 9 years and here I still am waiting. I’m tired of waiting and being strong. All I do is snap and cry. Something I never did. Until I got caught in this “mishap” of being single.

What’s horrible is that I had a teacher who was pregnant while in her class
That baby got married last year ! I have too many stories like this and none of them
Encourage me !!! Why the heck do some thik by hearing about what you’ve asked God to do
In your life happen In someone elses one is encouraged um encouraged ? I’m not encouraged and wonder why not in my Life !!!!!! I’m 38 and can’t handle watching others get married and have kids
I can’t have kids either . This isn’t fair at all ! Watching others isn’t a purpose in Iife
I went to focus on the family Facebook page and saw so many thank God for their marriages
I’m tired no fed up of Christians making excuses , If God can do that for others
why isn’t he doing for some of us ? It’s not good for man to be alone ? I’m alone !
I’m no exception to that . I’m so lonely I talk to myself just to hear a voice .

I have a huge disadvantage being asexual . That will prevent me from getting married
So will hep c
I did nothing to bring on so much crap in my life that will be a permanent obstacle
This is overkill and ridiculous

Oh Kathryn, I’m so sorry to hear you can’t have children. :-(. I too am sick and tired of hearing stories of marriages, engagements, and babies. Another one that is starting to make me cringe and make me want to scream at the top of my voice is those little lines, “Are you married?”, “Oh I thought you were married”, “You’re so sweet, how many kids do you have?”, “Do you have any children?”, “Don’t worry, you will meet him when you least expect it”, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”, and “You need to go out more”. I have really tried. I’m on the verge of giving up and just submitting myself to living with that awful ache and sobbing every time it gets to me.

Kathryn, I pray that God sends someone to you to love your socks off. I pray for you to have children placed in your life for you to love and to love you in return. I pray that you will hear the words mommie, spoken in to your ears. I pray for you to have the deep longing in your heart satisfied. Most of all, I pray that people stop saying things to you that only make your pain worse. I don’t know you, but I love you, and I am hurting because you are hurting. I too live with a disease, and I too am now barren. I make baby quilts for friends who are pregnant with babies. The whole time I weep bitterly and beg for God to just bring me home to heaven, because I feel that I too cannot take it anymore. I don’t know why this sort of thing has happened to people like us, I will not lay out to you any of the dumb cliche remarks that I have grown to abhor and detest. Please know that I love you. I know that it may not mean much to you, but I care so much that you are in pain.

being very much alone for many of us is very sad, and i am sure that you will agree with me. i was married at one time before my wife of 15 years cheated on me which i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well. now going out all over again is like history is repeating itself for me, and i hate going out as it is since the women today have certainly changed for the worse. very hard for many of us men that are looking to find love again after a divorce, and many women today are just so very nasty to meet as it is. i feel as if God doesn’t want me to have a love life anymore, and expects me to stay alone which will be very depressing. when i see so many very blessed men and women that have met one another and have a family, it upsets me very much. i always wanted to have a family too, and many men and women that have each other should really be very thankful for what they have since many of us don’t.

Hi Christianpundit, as you can see that i made my comment back in August. Loneliness for many of us men is very bad today, and i will certainly admit that many of us men are the much weaker sex when it comes to being alone since many women just like you can handle it much better than us. I am hoping to meet a good woman for me this time around after my divorce, and it is very difficult for both men and women today that are going through the same thing. I never thought it would really be that difficult, but today it really is. My Aunt And Uncle just celebrated their 65th year together, and it was really meant to be for them when they met in Junior High School back then. Back then it was much easier meeting one another with the help of many family and friends, since the times were a lot different too. And many men and women were very blessed to have met in school which made it just as easy. I get rejected by women a lot, and i am not an ugly man at all. And yet women will go out with the creepiest men that i have ever seen, and it really does make me wonder that God is really punishing me for some reason that i don’t know about. I will never understand at all, but i will just go out and hope for the best for me. And now that the Holidays are here, it make it much worse for many of us that are still alone. Well good luck to you too, and Peace.

I completely agree with what you say about how the truth is sometimes not helpful, but there is another side of the coin to this: those people who tell you that “there’s definitely someone out there for you”, when of course I know and they know that they’re in no position to guarantee that.

At the end of the day I don’t know if I’m going to be eventually sentenced to my worst nightmare, but sometimes it feels like God is playing games with me by not making it clear, nor giving me any ascertainable reason why he’s kept me single whilst instilling a desire in my heart not to be single.

One more gripe: Why are all the “single lonely christian” articles I can find on the internet geared towards women? I guess there must be less single christian guys in the world, but personally I’m in a city with not a lot of faithful churches and the only single woman close to my age at my church has already turned me down….we have the exact opposite problem where I am, not enough women!

I believe the vast majority of humans are called to marriage, because in the union of male and female, we find God. In fact, I question the “call to singleness,” as it sounds like some kind of balm created by married folk to try to rationalize why some people just don’t get married. As someone who is 30 and unmarried (though currently dating), I have often marveled at how some people jump from marriage to marriage, yet I have not had one relationship last to the point of proposal. The epidemic of singleness is a cancer of society. We humans are doing something terribly wrong; namely, we are not teaching successive generations how to form and MAINTAIN healthy relationships. Marriages and relationships are not disposable.
I also disdain the concept of “waiting” for God to “send” us somebody. As one saying goes, “God helps those who help themselves.” I tried online dating recently and it has opened up a whole new chapter in my dating life. While it may not work for everybody, for those of us whose dating lives went dry, this is quite a help. If you want something go get it. “Knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Resign to waiting and you may wait your life away!
I once watched an episode of a program called “Our America” about arranged marriages. It opened my eyes. They showed arranged marriages from the three major religions. It was astounding. These partners came from families with a strong sense of community and religion. Society needs to embrace community and religion again…and perhaps, to start arranging marriages. In modern times the concept of “arranged marriage” often has a negative connotation. But when we realize that we are all children of God, then we accept that we can make a loving relationship work with anyone as long as the spouse is just as committed.
Just some food for thought.

What disturbs me are so many pushing alot of to accept ” the fact ”
That its ” not Gods will ” for some us to marry
So many holes in that

1) who told them that
2) why on earth would they be told at all – not their life
3) what’s it to them
4) they are no prophet
5) what good are they doing
6) they are elevating themselves into speaking for God
7) what’s it them what some of us do
8) it’s their opinion
9) repeat 1-8
10) I cor 7 was written by the apostle Paul to the church at Corinth
During a very Sprcific time . We are not living back then not ever did nor
are any of us members of church of Corinth

11) why are so many hellbent in trying to impose
and convince us we have been called to be single

I love this kathryn, I had to tell a woman who had three children and a grand-daughter that I felt that she was in no position to tell me how to feel about being single and barren, seeing how it is that she had someone to put their arms around her and how she had nursed three children on her breast and how sat with a beautiful grand-daughter in her lap. I asked her and an elder male who felt the need to chime in on my fertility issue and my uncontrollable tears that were manifesting themselves at the church alter. Apparently crying out to God in pain over something like these earns you the label of crazy among the spiritual elite. I pointed out that the male elder did not have a uterus, mammary glands, or a birth canal and did not qualify in my book to give advice to a barren woman about how she ought to feel about it, and a grand mother also lacked the experience in the situation to say anything of substance and of weight to such a woman who was hurting in this way. Needless to say that not only was I labeled as inappropriate but also crazy. I no longer attend that church or any other one for that matter. i just stay at home and cry my eyes out.

I appreciate where you are coming from with your blog post, and that you are trying to be sympathetic towards adult singles, but I none the less disagree with a point or two.

You said in your blog post, “Singleness is always an exception, not a norm.”

The Bible does not teach that view at all, and it’s not been true in American society now for the past decade or longer.

Currently about 44% of the adult American population is unmarried, and only about 20% are married with children at home.

Americans are either not marrying at all anymore, or the age of first marriage is delayed now. People are no longer marrying in their early and mid 20s as in previous generations, if they marry at all. Being married is no longer the norm.

I addressed that perception (that marriage is the norm) at my blog, in a post called “False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage”

Whether to marry or stay single are presented in the New Testament as being matters left up to individual choice, neither state is granted, gifted, or given to anyone by God. God does not force anyone to be married or to be single.

You said, “God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.”

That also is not true. I’m in my early 40s, want marriage, still single, have never married, and my desire for a spouse and for having sex has not diminished – or more accurate to say, has not vanished, over time. You just merely learn to let go and adjust to not having either one. It’s not a matter of the desire going away.

Also, please see the book “Singled Out” by Christian authors Field and Colon, where they mention there are many other Christian singles in their 50s and older who died still wanting a spouse but never got one. God does not change a person’s desire in this area for many people; God does not remove the desire for a spouse.

God also does not remove sexual desire from Christians who practice celibacy. That is another commonly misunderstood issue.

Many Christians mistakenly believe if you are still a virgin past your 30s, such as me, it’s because God has magically lifted any and all sexual urges from you – wrong, wrong, wrong! I was not granted super powers, or a lowered libido. yes, I had chances to have sex before, but I turned them down. It’s simply will power and self control that keeps me abstaining, not any special, super natural powers or abilities.

God does not “gift” anyone with celibacy or singleness.

God did not choose in eternity past who would marry or who would be single – he leaves those choices up to us.

I appreciate the motive behind your post (to cheer up singles), but just wanted to toss in my two cents in an area or two where I had a disagreement. Thank you.

Interesting post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, but I have to disagree with the underlying message of the post.

I think the Christian culture has really twisted the whole idea of singleness and marriage and left poor young twenty somethings painfully waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Right. Waiting…and waiting..and waiting and missing Christ right in front of them! The all-satisfying Jesus! I am 24 years old, single (and happy!), but I spent a majority of my early 20’s constantly waiting and looking for some guy to come along. Maybe if I just try to be content enough, THEN he’ll bring someone along. Maybe if I feign satisfaction in Christ, THEN he’ll bring somebody along. Maybe if I pretend not to care, THEN he’ll bring somebody alone. I would get so frustrated “What do I have to do God for you to bring someone into my life?! What do you want me to do??” Then I realized (by God’s grace), God NEVER promised me a husband. NEVER! I can’t find it anywhere in the Bible. And the Scripture “God will give you the desires of your heart” is unfortunately so often misused. It certainly doesn’t mean that every desire we have is from the Lord and that he will fulfill them all because we also know that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9). And I’m very young so I don’t have a lot of life experience, but I know there have been many cases in my life where God did not give me the desire of my heart. Maybe because I wasn’t delighting myself in Him, so it wasn’t a desire He actually placed there or maybe it just wasn’t His will to fulfill that desire; I don’t know. But I know it’d be a scary world if God gave us EVERY desire of our heart. So what have I been waiting for for so many years?

The Christian culture has placed singleness into this “transition” season. Like it’s only temporary as if there was no way God would leave you in this forsaken place of singleness. It’s so horrible, just keep waiting, he’ll be here any moment! This is so engrained into our Christian culture that this is precisely why singleness is seen as such a negative thing and it’s very, very sad. Marriage is not the end all be all of life. You haven’t “arrived” if you finally get married. But I think that’s what our Christian culture has forced many young people (especially girls) to feel like. “I just gotta get through this singleness stage then I will get married and everything will be okay”. Now I am definitely not knocking marriage! I think marriage is great and I would like to be married someday. I am so blessed and encouraged by so many married couples in my life; they are such an example to me and if I get married one day, I have so many great examples to look upon. But it is very dangerous to EXPECT a married life from God as if he owes me that just because I want it. It is also dangerous to live a life of temporariness where singleness is seen as a curse that I have to suffer through just for a season.

A single life is a blessing from God and is wonderful and hard. A married life is a blessing from God and is wonderful and hard. They are two very different paths. One isn’t better than the other; they are just different and God calls everyone to one or the other (God doesn’t care about statistics, He cares about His glory being made known by His will being accomplished in our lives through the paths He has chosen to take us on, whether that is a single life or a married one). I wish Christian churches today would talk about the single life more in a positive light; maybe then we wouldn’t be so scared to walk down that path.

“God calls everyone to one or the other” – well i don’t know that. sure man can say all sorts of things about God but doesn;t make them true. I”m concerned that people are putting their faith and trust in the opinions of well intending people but their advice is what’s wrong and very hurtful and misleading. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and pursuing it. it’s not a sin to get married or want to get married . if one person feels a certain way thats up to them just can’t force it onto someone else and put and attatch Gods name to it – God sure gets a lot of unecessary blame when people give their opinion but pass it off as Gods – I learned the hard way that people are giving their opinion it really is theirs not God’s .

It sounds like you mean well but other people don’t have or should not feel guilty over this opinion of yours.
if that’s how you feel great but no one else should feel obligated to feel it or adopt it

my friend said it best – we are own person . what may work for you well doesn’t have to work for someone else

let God do the calling please – its not up to man what God calls people to do

i know you mean well but it doesn’t really excuse commenting on what God calls people to do, focus on what God has called you to do – not the rest of us – thx

Well God does punish many of us men with Loneliness, and many of us do hope to meet a good woman to settle down with. Why on earth should should we be alone in the first place since it is certainly not fun at all? I have read a topic that God said, a wife is a gift from God. I also read another topic that said, man should not be Alone. Makes very much sense to me, Doesn’t It? The only problem with that is, there are Not so nice women to meet out there anymore today.

I dont understand why the men won’t invite some ladies for a coffee or seek counsel from a godly man or woman. I believe alot of singleness is man created not God created. Genesis clearly stated man is not meant to be alone.

That is what I have always wondered about Christian men. They are so many beautiful christian ladies but they prefer to appear “spiritual” at times have unhealthy internet habits than just ask a girl out. Men in the world if they see a lady that meets their fancy they ask her out. Something is wrong with some of the men seriously.
Maybe all singles with support from leaders we should go on a fast for marriages (for God to remove all known and unknown hinderances, breaking soul ties, curses) and if the christian men arent willing God should save some decent men who are not yet saved.

I also question whether or not I want to get in a relationship because I genuinely want to or it’s just because everyone in my church is doing it. Things change when your friends get married and move away–it can be weird. :\

You made some good points about singleness. I am now 42 years old and I put in my time, and I am now at the age that I will not be a mother. And please don’t throw out the you can adopt cliche, as if that heals the desire to conceive, carry, give birth, and nurse ones on flesh and blood baby. Adoption is another blessing in itself, but it is not a cure all for that deep pain you feel at the loss of your fertility. In any point, I feel as if I have put in my time, with delighting myself in singleness. I have enjoyed it to death, and now, something needs to be done about my psychosocial emotional need that every human being has for human love and affection. Quoting scripture and sitting in church and praying does not kill that deep longing and desire. No, it is not everything, but it is something, and to be cheated out of parent hood, when so many others who partcipated in fornication, or people who lived doing drugs, or people who even abuse children were granted the privelege and gift of babies and I have been denied it, just seems cruel to me. Why in the world would God choose to put something in my life that would make me feel like I wish I would just die because I have had to live without it so long. I have hoped and prayed for years, only to be denied…..How is that the glory and goodness of God?

“God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.”

That is such a dangerous (and hurtful) theological lie. For many, the desires of their hearts involve having children, yet they are neither given, nor is the desire removed. Grace may be given to live with it, but it doesn’t go away. And there are countless other examples beyond the desire for marriage.

Living with unfulfilled desires is a part of being alive in this world. We are not Buddhists, after all, seeking the death of all desire.

One day, in a new heaven and earth, I believe there will be wholeness and fullness (though I admit that there are many days that feels all too abstract). But to say that in this life, these desires will either be fulfilled or changed leaves many of us in a place of confusion and abandonment.

No Ann, you are not a failure. I just don’t understand how God could keep such a strong desire for us to be wives and mothers and reach an age as 50 and still have that burning desire. Would that be called to singleness? That doesn’t sound like it to me. Anyhow, sending a cyber hug of comfort to you.

When I was in college, I started to pray for a Christian wife, but I could not find anyone to date. It was some years after graduation that I finally found someone I liked, but she broke my heart and I cried for many weeks.

I started to question God and ask Him why this was happening if I had been so faithful to Him. Even after I moved to the United States years later, I was still crying and begging God for a wife. I kept reminding Him of how good I was, how I kept myself pure because of Him, and how I deserved to have a wife.

Later, I began dating Christian girls and became serious about one of them. But she broke up with me and that made me resentful because I had treated her well. At the same time, I also felt condemned because I kissed her and I thought I was not “pure” anymore. I kept asking God for forgiveness but it only brought more condemnation.

From then on, I began looking at girls all the time with lust in my heart. I heard these accusations in my head: “How can God bless you when you have that sin, when you are full of lust? God won’t bless you and He won’t give you a wife!”

I repented and promised God that I would not lust after girls again. I did my best to spend time with Him by praying and reading the Bible. I also forced myself to look elsewhere when an attractive girl passed by. After a while, I would feel “full” of God’s presence and confident enough to pray for a wife, only to slip back into feeling lustful. And then the cycle of these religious efforts would start again.

I even increased my time of praying and reading the Word. I also fasted and went to church six times a week! However, after a few days, I would be back to flirting with girls on the Internet with my head full of lust for them. Then, I was back to crying and asking God for forgiveness. All these only brought more condemnation and guilt into my life and I started getting deeper into sin, even developing an addiction to masturbation.

I thought God was not going to bless me with a wife because of my actions and thoughts, and at the suggestion of a church leader, I made a vow to God. I promised Him many things including stopping masturbation in exchange for a wife. But after a few weeks, I was back to sinning again and I felt even more condemned about breaking the vow. I thought God was going to curse me.

By then, I was thirty-eight years old and still not married. I was angry because friends my age were already married and blessed with children. I felt that following God’s laws and statutes was a curse.

The turning point for me came when I saw one of my favorite pastors posting an update on Facebook about a book he had enjoyed reading. It was the book, Destined To Reign, by Joseph Prince. I believe that the Holy Spirit put the desire and curiosity in me to buy the book, and I started to read it after I got it in the mail.

At first, I did not agree with what Pastor Prince was saying. However, the more I read the book, the more I understood the gospel of grace. I started to go to a park every day first thing in the morning to read the book. I started to meditate on the gospel truths in the book.

It took me about two months to complete reading the book because it was so rich. At the end of it, I let go of all the disagreements I had because I saw myself as the righteousness of God through Christ. For the first time in my life, I did not have condemnation hunting me down! I still had the problem with masturbation from time to time but instead of crying, I began to confess, “I am the righteousness of God through His Son, Jesus!”

Knowing I was completely loved, completely blessed, and completely forgiven somehow kept me pure. I was also confident that God was going to bless me with a wife, not because of my good behavior, but because of what Jesus has done for me. I even told God to renew my youth and bless me with someone who was completely “out of my league.”

Finally, my miracle occurred when I felt led to create a profile on a Christian dating website. Soon after, I found a beautiful girl on the website, and I sent her an email. Unbeknownst to me, she had created her profile just fifteen minutes before I sent her the email, because she wanted to prove to her friend what a bad idea the website was. On that website she received tons of emails from guys wanting to date her. She deleted all those emails but she said that when she read my profile, something impressed on her spirit, and she wanted to get to know me better.

After communicating via email, we met and got to know each other better. I am much older than her but God confirmed in many ways that we are meant for each other. Her parents, who were against all her earlier relationships, also approved of me and our decision to get married. So now, we are married, and I can say that she over exceeds all the expectations I gave God! I could not be happier!

Both of us have read the books Destined To Reign and Unmerited Favor together. We are starting a group with neighbors and friends called “God’s Unmerited Favor Study Group.” I have bought all of Joseph Prince’s materials and we enjoy hearing his preaching every week.

Thank you for making me understand and welcome God’s grace in my life. His grace has changed my life forever! Now, I am passionate about showing people the true gospel of grace.

The writer has requested to remain anonymous | Tennessee, United States

Maybe we need to quote scriptures combined with fasting and prayers. I choose to believe that when God said he would give you the desires of your heart he meant it. I have seen people get the desires of their heart such as marriage when it looked impossible or healing. It takes extra work as in really seeking God day and night quoting same scriptures several times a day and being honest with God if you think he is unfair tell him be honest talk to him as you would a friend. HE said his word can not return void!

Spoken all to well, don’t leave out feelings of disheartening pain and disillusionment. I have come to despise the word Hope, it just feels like this empty lie. Thank you for making this comment, I wish you were standing on the platform of my church saying it to leaders and fellow church members. Very good thoughts and well articulated.

I am on the verge of turning 31 and I have to say that the older I get the harder it is to have faith that I’ll ever get married and have a children. The advice I keep getting is to turn to online dating because there are no other options. I put a profile on Christian Mingle and the men who smiled at my profile all seemed so desperate and I found myself having an anxiety attack every time I signed in. I am very active in the music ministry in my church but I often find myself on the outside looking in because I’m not married and have no children. it’s hard to be the minority in today’s church ( especially in the bible belt) I am a college graduate and hold degrees in Music and Biology and was active at the Wesley house on my campus. I wish I understand where God was leading me because truthfully all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. I have also been seeing a christian counseling who has been helping me work on the things I think would hinder me from being in a relationship. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to put my whole trust in God with my future…single or married. I am so glad I stumbled across this blog..It seems to offer me a new hope!

It is very difficult to be single (am 44, so I can empathize). I’ve started a website (waitingforintimacy.com) that I trust can serve as a respite (if nothing else) and encourage other singles as they wait. It seems there are very few resources out there that minister to that end.

BTW, just a word to the wise regarding Christian Mingle: I had my account terminated after I paid for a three-month subscription with them (go figure), and got no help in restoring it, no plausible explanation as to why it was even cancelled in the first place…just an automated e-mail ‘reply’. Only once I threatened to contact my credit card company did they suddenly get responsive and credit my account. If you do some digging online, you’ll find they’re not very trustworthy…they’re owned by a secular network (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChristianMingle) of generic dating sites.

im 38 and being told God called me to be single to serve him instead has never once been a source of anything good , positive or encouraging. its beyond me why there are some people almost trying to convince us – no for me its been people trying to talk me into believing God has called me to be single to serve him instead. I even had a christian radio host send me a pamphlet about God calling singles to be single with well hit and miss verses that never did acutally say a call to be single – i was kind of disturbed that there is even a pamphlet to begin with

how i feel is that too many are really trying hard to talk some of us into being single and my question is why?
im 38 and have felt left out my entire life over this

God said its not good for man to be alone – i dont care what other people say let alone think on this mattter anymore – its my life and i will do whats best for me – complete strangers dont get to decide let alone comment on whats best for me anymore – people that I matter to is who i listen to.

God has never said that he called anyone to be single . its not in the bible no matter what man has said – my question is why did man say it in the first place? the apostle paul has gotten way too much credit and honestly he made a comment that said he wished people could be like him – he never said anyone had to !!!

i trust God in this but being single is not whats best for anyone in my opinion. being single is lonely

as for this Jesus is a husband ok what about single men is he a wife to them? would it be a same sex marriage?
no because Jesus is no one’s literal husband and its foolish and untrue to say he is
Jesus died for me he didn’t marry me , period !

I hope that you get to have someone soon, and that you someday nurse a baby from your body. No one who desires something so beautiful should be denied it. I hope you get someone who encourages you in your ministry and complements your gift and helps you to grow in your faith. I don’t know how to help you hold on to hope as I have lost mine, but there is still a change for you. Don’t give up, maybe try visiting other churche’s singles ministries to meet other groups of singles.

what also has hurt me is the idea that God has blessed people with spouses – to me that make me think he favored those he provided for. why did he provide for them? did they do something to warrant such a blessing – more times than not no they did not do anything spectacular at all which is why is kind of sucks – or is it perhaps God has not provided anyone with a spouse – look at the divorce rate? if I was God and i knew the future and knew people would divorce – yeah i would not put those people together – sure man has free will and i get that – but thats not the point – my point is perhaps man has free will in deciding who they marry and God has nothing to do with it – that might explain why so many are single – one should be looking for a spouse instead of waiting for one because the right will come along is not really true – cant say they dont come but if they do well oops lol

Well i would certainly say that God is really punishing many of us when it comes to having a love life that we want so bad, and many of us men are still hoping to find a good woman to share our life with too. It is so unfair to see so many other men and women that have been so very blessed by God, and it really makes me wonder what did we ever do wrong in the first place for this to happen to us. We’re certainly no different than the ones that have it, and so i know how you feel as well. I really wonder if many of the others have the word Special on their forehead, and that would explain it. God what about us innocent men and women out there that are very seriously looking to have a love life too?

Ann, I know how it feels to want to just curl up and die. I know how it feels to want to love and be loved, to want a mate and to want babies. Please don’t feel unwanted. You have blessed me as well as everyone else on this site by being open and honest about your feelings. It is so refreshing to hear from everyone about their genuine heart felt deepest thoughts, hurts, vulnerabilities, ad pains. It would break my heart to know that you would end your life. You matter Ann, like everyone else on this page matters. We matter….

i just don’t know what to believe anymore. As i get older, the thought of not being married is beginning to bother me, much more than it did before. I am optimistic and trying to keep the faith. But in the back of my I wonder what if it never happens, I have to move on, how do i stop the pangs in my stomach when i see couples together, or how do i not resent people who have good spouses and don’t appreciate them, or the ones who changes spouses more often than the wind direction.

Whatever the outcome, i don’t want to live in self pity, resentment, or spend my life obssessing about it. Just want to learn to be content whatever state I’m in, change what i can and accept what i can’t.

All of this growing i know will not happen overnight. God has given me grace to handle everthing else, so i’m trusting He’ll continue to so.

Many times myself as a single man looking for a good woman to spend the rest of my life with, makes me really wonder why would God bless so many others and not us? God can be so very mean to many of us innocent ones, and we certainly didn’t do anything wrong for this to happen to us. We’re certainly no different than they’re, and we certainly deserve to have a life as well.

In most congregation, the women far out number
The men not enough to go around.

In our quest to find a mate, should we just only just ask people we are attracted to out, or just date to see if an attraction develops?

faith without works is dead. So i guess we should take the same practical approach to finding a spouse the same way we find other things. For eg if we are job hunting, praying and sitting at home waiting for the job is not enough, we have to create a resume, search and apply, interview etc. On the other hand i don’t want to seem desperate in my search, or make it an all comsuning quest.

Same thing in my church jacqueline. And when I find a really nice guy, I’m gravely saddened with the fact that he is engaged or married. :-(. There are so few men and the ones available are not what I’m looking for.

People who divorce and remarry really bother me
Why are they getting 2nd opportunites when many of us never had the opportunity at all
I’m sorry but God is inconsistent if he’s providing for some but not others
I think I can’t wait on God anymore
I’m 38 and not a big beliver in the Gods an on time God cliche
He’s very late !!!
I will get married either with or without his help but I refuse to be single for much longer
I am very serious !!

To Kathryn, i certainly do feel that God is to Blame. And i am getting sick and tired of being very much alone all the time, and that is not fair at all. I am 59 years old, and as you can see it hurts me even more. I was married for 15 years before she Cheated on me, and i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well. But it wasn’t good enough for her. Yes, God can certainly be a very rotten person too many of us, and i wish that he would stop hurting us when it comes to having a love life that he gave so many others.

im tired of feeling slighted by God any time i hear or read when people claim God brought them a spouse
i really got angry a few weeks ago when i read not one but two people claiming that God “handpicked” them
one gal insists that God handpicked their spouse just for them except this was not the persons first marriage smh
another gal decided that God handpicked her to be the mother to her son

ok where is this handpicked by God analogy coming from? Im not only single I also cant have kids
yeah i feel very slighted by God

i also am fed up with this notion that singles must be content with being single, see it as a gift and to embrace it
its actually up to me what i feel and its not a decision its what i feel !!

i feel very alone, forgotten, neglected and well slighted by God

he created marriage yet i am to miss out – why exactly ?
i have never heard an actual answer only peoples opinions and yes they vary from who i spoke to smh !!!

HI Kathryn, i feel very bad as well. It is always the good people like us that have to suffer when it comes to finding love. God has really forgotten about us, and i will never understand why. So many of us men too just can’t meet a good woman to settle down with. I really hate when they advertize family commercials on TV about trips to Florida, and why in the world would a single person go to Florida by themselves? Certainly not me. They should stop showing these type of commercials on TV which makes it worse for us, which adds insult to injury. It is very bad enough that we don’t have a love life as it is. Hopefully our luck will change for the good, and i wish you the best as well.

You can search all over the world, but I promise you it’s nothing like a TRUE woman of God. A woman who truly loves God and honors Him in every area of her life, who will raise and train your children in the ways of God, who will serve, support, and submit to your leadership, who doesn’t flaunt her body, talks in perverse speech, who is not club hopping every week, who is not rowdy, boisterous and full of drama, but discreet, sweet and gentle spirit, who makes mistakes but is so sensitive to the Holy Spirit that she confesses and works on her faults, who is teachable and has room to grow as a wife, mother, and a woman of God!

{Proverbs 31 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain She does him good and not evil All the days of her li

I like the article about singleness and that no one should tell someone they are called to be single. I think they should also not tell them “Mr Wright will come at the right time”. That’s not fair either – cuz he might not!!

I am 50 and never married – I don’t like that phrasiology but many ask: “Have you ever been married?” “Did you ever want to be married?”People just don’t understand why someone would be single. When I tell people I am single they seem to want to know if I ever married or ever wanted to be married. I don’t ask them “Why did you GET married?”

What you did not address in the article is what married people should NEVER say: “you are not alone, God is with you.” That statement is NOT FAIR!!! I have come to tell married people up front, with tears running down my face as I express my dissatisfaction at being single when surrounded by couples, Please do not tell me I am NOT ALONE. I live alone, come home to an empty house and feel mis-placed when surrounded by couples. What I am telling this “friend” is that I am lonely and could use a friend to do things with but couples with children are busy – I get that. Please, just don’t tell me I am not alone – because even with God in my life, I am physically alone in my home and what I need is companionship, compassion and a friend to ease the lonliness.

Now, I know it is up to me to make friends and make those invitations – but really, it’s exhausting.

True story. Well my cousin went to a Singles dance years ago which he was Very Blessed to meet the love of his life. Today they ‘re married wit two children, and now is older son is married with a lovely daughter. My cousin like i just mentioned went to the Singles dance with his friend, and saw the girl that he really wanted to meet and told his friend that i am going to marry that girl at the time. And sure enough now starting their 43rd year together, and it is very true that God Blesses many people to have a love life and Punishes many of us Innocent ones that really want it. Makes me wonder why would God be so very Evil to us when all we want is a normal Love Life that he gave to so many others. Not Fair at all.

I am a 29 year old single Christian woman. I spent my teens and early to mid twenties living a horrible life of sin and idolatry. I was born again at age 26. I alot of pre-marital sex and other forbidden activites. I was also a militant feminist before being saved. The Holy Spirit has changed me so much that it is shocking. I know a peace that I never knew before. I am still seeking atonement and forgiveness for all of my youthful mistakes. I think God may want me to be single, and I can accept that. Perhaps I had enough intimacy for a life time? Maybe I don’t deserve marriage? I have changed my life and am just happy that Jesus died for sins to give me Eternal life in Heaven. Isn’t that enough? I think it is.

Jesus is enough, whether He has marriage planned for you or not, seek His face and get to know Him. We serve a gracious God, so gracious it’s far beyond our human understanding so through His mercy He will enable you to endure singleness if that is part of His plan but enjoy Him, seek His face and trust in Him. Marriage is not the ultimate achievement but is a gift of God and so is singleness. He will prepare you for whatever he has in store for your life, every single human being on earth is fallen and Jesus died for us all so if you’re in Christ, you’re forgiven and you deserve every good gift from Him.

It’s people like you and opinions like this that are very much the problem
Jesus is enough ? For salvation yes but I’m not talking about Salvtion
God was not enough for Adam so he created eve
I’m not sorry but jesus is not substitue husband

Can I get you to take a look at Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs….He is a Christian Psychologist. Also have a look at Erik Erickson’s 12 Psychosocial Emotional Needs that every human being experiences.

…is being Christian AND single REALLY that bad? I think the issue is that we view it as an epidemic. Honestly, I feel like sometimes my desire to date/be in a relationship is a direct/indirect result of it being impressed that marriage is what we have to DO after graduating college and getting a job (well, during, really). :\

Wow really glad I found this article. Yes its very discouraging I always was careful to obey God’s commands and this is my reward no marriage no kids at 38. Everyone I know who is married even in the church slept around cohabited had kids got married and now happily back in church. I used to try and encourage them to stick to Christ before marriage but know I realise they were the wise one and i was the silly one. Nothing more hurtful than people asking if you want children or your very pretty why are you not married i have prayed,fasted broke every curse I can think off. Now i realise I will probably end up undergoing IVF or similar by 42 at least if i cant have a happy marriage i can have a child.

I went to a church where the pastor understands the plight of singles he’s praying encouraging and standing with the singles to find their partner Him and his wife are amazing I have already seen my prayers answered and broken known and unknown barriers on what could be hindering me from finding partner

At 22 years old, my high school sweet heart asked me to come and live with him in a town 200 miles away from my hometown. I said NO, because i loved God and wanted to live Holy and righteous. I wanted the will of God for my life. NOw, I am 42 years old and never married and no children. I have NEVER been pregnant. I dedicated myself to this life style, because I was told that if you put God first and obeyed his plan, he would give you the desires of your heart and direct your steps. Well guess what, he has 3 children and I have none and no husband, and just like you said, people who lived how they wanted have the blessing of babies and children. Some of them are now in church and some of them are not. How am I supposed to not feel cheated, broken hearted and hurt. My reward also, for trying to do this right and be pleasing in his sight, is that I am I dried out barren old maid. My pastor says that the barren women is supposed to sing, according to scripture. I feel like that scripture is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard in my entire life. How in the world, why in the world, would a barren woman sing.

My goodness, i loved this post! God in His perfect kindness doesnt force us to accept a cirucmstance we’re struggling with, He prepares us. We have to look at His Word and His beautiful promises. Thank you!

Singleness and a relationship with God will eventually lead to sin. The flesh is weak, yes the spirit is willing.. but wake up to reality!!!! we are human beings created by God to be attracted to the opposite sex. I don’t know about you women, but when I look at a beautiful woman (not lustfully) something inside me comes to life.. my heart jumps, chemistry starts.. that’s how God made me…He has made me to need to be with a woman .. God cannot be here in Physical format. I have Physical needs, (no not sex) – I’m talking about being with someone, sitting having coffee or dinner.. sharing a story, going on a walk, heck, rolling over in the morning and hugging your spouse and say “good morning dear” – God cannot do these things. He is spirit – a ghost we cannot process with our senses – only our spirits. I know a mate in my life is a missing piece of the puzzle.. God Said “I know the thoughts I think towards you thoughts of good and not of evil – to give you a future” – if God thinks that I am to be single and I have this desire to want to be a woman, then he needs to reboot me with different software. I sure as hell am not going to be single all my life, doing his work, helping others be “blessed” and possibly meeting theirs mates… call me selfish, hard heart-ed, bitter, etc… I call it being honest, real, and not lying with myself..

just wait til you young christians get to me almost 40 and god never answered your prayer… but yet you see your friends and everyone around you grow up, get married have children ..

BAM! You hit the bullseye 100%. That is exactly the difference between having a relationship with Jesus and an earthly spouse here on Earth!!

“He has made me to need to be with a woman .. God cannot be here in Physical format. I have Physical needs, (no not sex) – I’m talking about being with someone, sitting having coffee or dinner.. sharing a story, going on a walk, heck, rolling over in the morning and hugging your spouse and say “good morning dear” – God cannot do these things. He is spirit – a ghost we cannot process with our senses – only our spirits. I know a mate in my life is a missing piece of the puzzle. ”

It worries me reading all of this… I just turned 18… seems like all the girls I know met someone by my age. I may have crushes, but more often then not they are celebrities or complete strangers who I don’t have contact with. Others… well… to be honest there’s one who I don’t think I have much of a chance with. I don’t even know if he knows I exist.
I just have spaz attacks sometimes thinking about how girls I know met their husbands or fiances by my age… I even have a step-aunt who hasn’t met anyone yet. I love her, and I think she’ll end up with someone someday, but my personality is so much like her that I just might end up like her.

This was quite refreshing and encouraging.thank you. My only addendum might by to change the sentence in final paragraph to read, “Marriage is one of the greatest blessings.” It is not THE greatest blessing. Otherwise as a 46 year old single woman passionate for Christ and living life to the fullest, this was VERY encouraging!

First o singleness is not a gift it is punishment. I have been single my whole life and it does not seem like a gift. It has made me bitter and hard hearted. l know what I did to deserve this punishment but it does not make it any easier.

Will I wish you were here in London for a amazing singleness conference where our pastor was breaking the spirit of singleness of people as well as spirit of delay! It is God’s will you get married. But there is alot of wrong teaching going on in the churches God said it is not good for man to be alone he also said 2 are better than one. Please the same thing you commented on here tell God everything man can not help you only God get your bible and speak to God pour out your complaints before him. I will copy and paste on decent article on singleness thanks also to Ruthie Dean for penning this blog and allowing people to be honest I will get married on August 28 after much suffering

You write, “God promises to give us the desires of our hearts. This doesn’t translate into ‘right now’, but He’ll either give you a husband or change your desire.”

Really? I disagree with you wholeheartedly. That line of thinking is naive and overly simplistic.

I am single and in my early 40s, yet I have five or six good friends who are in their late 70s and even 80s. None of these women has ever married either, though each has longed to. They are strong Christians, hard workers and faithful servants in their churches. Yet God has not given them husbands.

They are socially appropriate, intelligent and attractive, and they have not been overly selective in dating. There is no earthly reason they should be single in our culture.

And here’s why I disagree with your Ps. 37:4 reasoning: They tell me that the desire to marry never goes away. The passions get easier to deal with, but the sadness that one has not been chosen to be loved is lingering. In fact, one 80-year-old friend confessed this to me, with teary eyes.

The discrepancy between God giving us the desires of our hearts and our unfulfilled desires (to marry, to have children, to whatever) is not a contradiction, however. It is an antinomy, or paradox. We cannot understand it this side of heaven. But one thing we can understand is that Ps. 37:4 isn’t referring to what you mention.

Maybe you should join a club like a book club or running club. something you enjoy. And also life and death are in the power of the tongue if u keep confessing negatively its not helpful and just because your friends did not get married doesn not mean you will not get married. Are you in right church?city? country? God created marriage for his children not this unhealthy culture of singleness that seems to be an epidemic in the church. LEts go on a fast ask God to remove anything that will keep his children single and to to show us strategies. And if too many single christian men who are too spiritual or effeminate God can save a unsaved moral man. Speak to the mountain of singleness and get honest with GOD. Reject Asmodeus

I don’t believe a word of your post. Very few women in that generation’s married. In reality, you won’t come across very many of.them. The only real disadvantage to not marrying is economic, and it is significant. Why would an eighty-year-old desperately yearn to get married and have to take care of some old, sick man? No woman in her right would want to get married late in life.

Again, thanks to shaming women who aren’t wives and mothers, never married women can feel inadequate. That doesn’t mean they didn’t choose to be single. Or course they did.

Ummmm, I am 42 years old. And not one time did I choose to be single. I have dreamed of being a wife and mother since I was a little girl playing with barbie dolls and rocking baby dolls in my arms. I am kinda offended by your comment. I want to sick kathryn on you.

Sorry for the Long post but this is what has come of me after turning 35 and going on 36. This is how I have come to feel after trying to pray and delighting myself in the Lord for more than 9 years.

I’m a little younger 35 going on 36 this year. More than 10 years ago, I met a wonderful man. He was a believer and with time and patience, I felt that God would help to prepare us for marriage. We were already talking about an engagement and what our wedding might be like. We were so happy together and we never fought. Of course, like any couple, we had disagreements but we talked them out like civilized people. Then one day after three wonderful years, he ended the relationship. My dreams of being married to a godly husband and having a family some day were shattered in a matter of moments. I got into a deep depression for about 2 years. I tried going out with other men to forget him within those two years but to no avail. A year later, I finally was over my ache over losing him and I started to go out again. I started to pray to the Lord since I met that wonderful godly man that I was ready to settle down. It has not been a little over 9 years and I’m still waiting. Every time I went out with a man, I had hopes that he would be “the one”. I would look at wedding magazines to keep my faith as to what I would like my wedding to look like when the right man comes into my life. Now, I have so much pain, ache, frustration, and disappointment that I have just about used up my last mustard seed of faith. As a cause of this, I have developed anxiety and insomnia some times at night and have to take anti-anxiety medication at times. Now, I have grown so bitter because of my pain that I hate looking or hearing at anything relating to weddings, engagements, showers or babies. The other day I even told mom to try her best to be discreet to not talk about those things around me. Whenever I’m at work or someone mentions if I have found someone, they hit a really raw nerve and I have to try to smile and just shrug. Sometimes, when nobody sees me and I hear about stuff like that, I get so upset that my wrists ball up into a fist so hard that I could feel my nails against the palm of my hand. God says in his word that he doesn’t forsake us, then why do I feel that He has forsaken me? My prayers lately have turned to ask forgiveness for being jealous and envious of others. I love God with all my heart and then again, why do I feel like I was betrayed by the One that I had my trusted my life to? I’m afraid of him having other plans because I don’t want to be alone. I would like to have a godly husband and try to have children before it’s too late. I know that Jesus loves me but, I want to hear my husbands humanly voice tell me that he loves me. I want to feel his arms around me. When I go to bed at night, I don’t want to go alone. In fact, sometimes this makes me cry. It’s sad to say that as a cause of my loneliness I have cried more than ever. Married people out there think we have the ideal life be we don’t because we have to face loneliness everyday. What I would do in a heartbeat to have a husband and family at my side. I’m sure all you know how frustrating it is to not be able to share your success with your husband or to have him there to say some kind words. Let alone, he might be going through successes of his own and I want to be there to share in his joy. If he has a bad day, I want to be able to be his crying shoulder (Yes, I believe that men have a right to cry too) and try to comfort him too instead of having to go it alone somewhere. Jesus is there but in Spirit, not physically as posted earlier on here. Sorry if this post is very long, but I wanted to put out there how I feel as a frustrated single and I’m sure many of you out there feel just the way I do. I suppose all we can do is pray for each other. I know I can’t do it physically but I send a cyber hug to all the women out there who need a supporting hug. May the Lord bless you real soon with your future husband and that He not let another year pass. I don’t know if it will interest you but here is an article that I read that may relate to many of as it does to me.

Just to let you know, the beautiful woman in the picture is Sarah, single and frustrated as you and I as she waits for her godly husband.
Blessings to all of you,
Frustrated lonely single woman in waiting.

How about us all going on a fast refusing to accept this situation and asking God to break whatever keeps us from getting married. asmodeus the feared spirit of singleness can not win or we pray against delay. Marriage is a beautiful institution and the enemy wants to stop christians getting married or to cause divorce.

Thank you for sharing your story. I sit in the back of my church and weep bitterly. I can’t stand to see pregnant women, families with toddlers or chidlren make me cry bitterly, even when I am out shopping at the grocery store. I am crying right now for you. And secretly, I wish that i would get some terminal disease so that I can hurry up and just die.

Also remember that words have power keep confessing scriptures and positive speak to your mountain! Resist spirit of delay and Asmodeus this tips I use when i can
I repent for not guarding the gate of my mouth, and the door of my lips.
I renounce and reject the lie that God doesn’t have a plan for my life.
I renounce and reject the lie that God doesn’t have someone for me.
I renounce and reject the lie that I will never find someone.
I renounce and reject the lie that I will never find my counterpart.
I renounce and reject the lie that I will forever be alone.
I renounce and reject the lie that there is no one out there for me.
I renounce and reject the lie that I am not loveable, nor am I worthy of love.
I renounce and reject the lie that no one could ever love me for who I am.
I renounce and reject the lie that I will wander forever never settling down.
I renounce and reject the lies and falsehoods of the enemy, and I now declare proclaim and declare the truth of God over myself.
I declare, that God does have a plan for my life, to give me a future and to give me hope. Get honest with God its great to vent but human beings can not help us We need the Almighty GOD to answer us . The thief comes to steal,kill and destroy but Christ comes to give us life abundantly. No more delay,we need to ask God the roots of singlessness is it generational? Is it self inflicted? are we in right church? country sometimes people get married just by moving to different city. Lets not lose hope but lets go on the offensive in prayer in jesus name amen

I’m a married christian male and I can tell you without hesitation, if you’re single YOU DONT KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT. The rise of feminism, even among christian women, has made marriage into a joke. Men, you are MUCH better off where you are…..even Paul said so as long as you can learn to control yourselves. DO NOT MARRY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE MEN, YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING.

Im 32 years old and I have basically been single my whole life nothing ever works I’m saying this because im really having a hard time dealing with this and its getting worse I love God and I want to live a life that is pleasing to him but its getting worse and I really feel no one really truly understands. Im so tired of hearing all the cliches you all mentioned of peiple saying to you as well and um to the point now that its all I think about. How do you deal woith this.it seems so much like not a big deal to others but its really like a fairytail to me to ever have a sumple boyfriend … I dont want to be that lonely bitter woman but I find myself getting to thar …oh and if one more person tells me im single to closer to God or til I.give him 100% um gonna scream…but how do u deal with it …I never had anyone in my life can anyone relate? If so how do you deal with it I really need help

Well with so many Not so nice women anymore to meet, that certainly would do it as well. Certainly not like the old days when most of the women i would say were Raised very well by their parents to find a nice man to settle down with, and today most of them are Everything but Nice.

Maybe it is the type of women you choose to date I know many lovely christian girls who were raised very well by their parent. Stand on the word of God about what type of wife you want including her personality. I found many similar testimonies on line such as one I pasted below.
There are so many beautiful humble christian women some of whom have ended marrying non Christians because they knew/know christian men are not interested in getting married.
Well I was in my 30s no kids no wife and seemed like I was a worse position than ever to get married. I was kind of desperate. So I went to God, I did a study on prayer. I didn’t want to learn prayer from anyone else but God. I prayed that God would help me learn. Well I found out that if I prayed and did not doubt I would have what ever I asked for in prayer. So I prayed that God would give me a wife, 10 years younger than me, blue eyes, blond hair, with a good family, liked where I lived, super nice, about yea high.

I said I wanted to meet her not in two years, not in two months but in two weeks.

Ya that’s what I said, sounds crazy but it said to ask for what I willed. Now I got to go with the “no doubting program.”

Well then I had all kinds of thoughts on how stupid that was, how it wouldn’t work etc. I came against those thoughts with this, “No, now I did my part I asked, Gods going to do his part and I got to believe like I all ready received it”. As long as I kept it in my heart like it was mine God promised it would happen and it was going to happen. Either this stuff was all true or it wasn’t. Well that week a wonderful girl came over and by the end of one week she said she would marry me. She’s 10 years younger than me blond hair, blue eyes, good family and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. everything exactly like I asked. I gave God two weeks he did it in one. That’s the kind of God we are dealing with here. Suuuuuuuuper faithful, Super nice, super Good. If you ever decide to cut through all the religious stuff and find him you’ll find out too.

Well many of us are certainly not single by choice, that is for sure. And meeting that special person for us has become the hardest thing right now, especially for many of us men that really hate being alone and having no one.

M
perhaps men need to ask a lady for coffee or something??? Pray and ask God to lead you. There are more women than men in the church. I have had some unbelieving friends who have asked me a many times why christian men quote don’t like women, God said in his word it is not good for man to be alone. god is the one who created marriage it is confusing that many outside the faith are getting married and many in Christianity are not. It may be I the minds God also said he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from The Lord why not stand on these scriptures and remember faith without actions is dead if you really hate being alone then do something about it. god has given you the desire to be married there are so many good christian ladies

I grew up hearing the Word of God all the time—in church, in my house, and through my mom, who was a church leader. I loved God and even suffered a lot of persecution in school because of my faith.

This a marriage testimony

When I was in college, I started to pray for a Christian wife, but I could not find anyone to date. It was some years after graduation that I finally found someone I liked, but she broke my heart and I cried for many weeks.

I started to question God and ask Him why this was happening if I had been so faithful to Him. Even after I moved to the United States years later, I was still crying and begging God for a wife. I kept reminding Him of how good I was, how I kept myself pure because of Him, and how I deserved to have a wife.

Later, I began dating Christian girls and became serious about one of them. But she broke up with me and that made me resentful because I had treated her well. At the same time, I also felt condemned because I kissed her and I thought I was not “pure” anymore. I kept asking God for forgiveness but it only brought more condemnation.

From then on, I began looking at girls all the time with lust in my heart. I heard these accusations in my head: “How can God bless you when you have that sin, when you are full of lust? God won’t bless you and He won’t give you a wife!”

I repented and promised God that I would not lust after girls again. I did my best to spend time with Him by praying and reading the Bible. I also forced myself to look elsewhere when an attractive girl passed by. After a while, I would feel “full” of God’s presence and confident enough to pray for a wife, only to slip back into feeling lustful. And then the cycle of these religious efforts would start again.

I even increased my time of praying and reading the Word. I also fasted and went to church six times a week! However, after a few days, I would be back to flirting with girls on the Internet with my head full of lust for them. Then, I was back to crying and asking God for forgiveness. All these only brought more condemnation and guilt into my life and I started getting deeper into sin, even developing an addiction to masturbation.

I thought God was not going to bless me with a wife because of my actions and thoughts, and at the suggestion of a church leader, I made a vow to God. I promised Him many things including stopping masturbation in exchange for a wife. But after a few weeks, I was back to sinning again and I felt even more condemned about breaking the vow. I thought God was going to curse me.

By then, I was thirty-eight years old and still not married. I was angry because friends my age were already married and blessed with children. I felt that following God’s laws and statutes was a curse.

The turning point for me came when I saw one of my favorite pastors posting an update on Facebook about a book he had enjoyed reading. It was the book, Destined To Reign, by Joseph Prince. I believe that the Holy Spirit put the desire and curiosity in me to buy the book, and I started to read it after I got it in the mail.

At first, I did not agree with what Pastor Prince was saying. However, the more I read the book, the more I understood the gospel of grace. I started to go to a park every day first thing in the morning to read the book. I started to meditate on the gospel truths in the book.

It took me about two months to complete reading the book because it was so rich. At the end of it, I let go of all the disagreements I had because I saw myself as the righteousness of God through Christ. For the first time in my life, I did not have condemnation hunting me down! I still had the problem with masturbation from time to time but instead of crying, I began to confess, “I am the righteousness of God through His Son, Jesus!”

Knowing I was completely loved, completely blessed, and completely forgiven somehow kept me pure. I was also confident that God was going to bless me with a wife, not because of my good behavior, but because of what Jesus has done for me. I even told God to renew my youth and bless me with someone who was completely “out of my league.”

Finally, my miracle occurred when I felt led to create a profile on a Christian dating website. Soon after, I found a beautiful girl on the website, and I sent her an email. Unbeknownst to me, she had created her profile just fifteen minutes before I sent her the email, because she wanted to prove to her friend what a bad idea the website was. On that website she received tons of emails from guys wanting to date her. She deleted all those emails but she said that when she read my profile, something impressed on her spirit, and she wanted to get to know me better.

After communicating via email, we met and got to know each other better. I am much older than her but God confirmed in many ways that we are meant for each other. Her parents, who were against all her earlier relationships, also approved of me and our decision to get married. So now, we are married, and I can say that she over exceeds all the expectations I gave God! I could not be happier!

Both of us have read the books Destined To Reign and Unmerited Favor together. We are starting a group with neighbors and friends called “God’s Unmerited Favor Study Group.” I have bought all of Joseph Prince’s materials and we enjoy hearing his preaching every week.

Thank you for making me understand and welcome God’s grace in my life. His grace has changed my life forever! Now, I am passionate about showing people the true gospel of grace.

The writer has requested to remain anonymous | Tennessee, United States

To Giray, well the women today are certainly a lot different than the women years ago since they have become very Rude when many of us men will try to start a conversation with the one that we would really like to meet, and then they will tells us to get lost and don’t bother me. Very sad women that are out there nowadays which does make it a lot difficult for many of us men looking to really meet a Good Woman to settle down with. And i would say that many of the women today have been very Abused by the men that they were with at one time to act this way. So as you can see for many of us how hard it is, and many of us Innocent Good Men are having trouble since the bad ones have also caused the problem.

Let this encourage you : my wife was given to me as a gift from God literally.
I was single, and not really looking for a wife or even a friend. I really didn’t have time to look, and wasn’t even in a church—just a home bible study. I was caught up in Evangelism with a passion.

Somehow knew within that I needed a mate—you know a help meet. I had plenty of love to spare to give away.
Well one day while sharing Jesus in my neighborhood, A fellow around my age got out of his car with two girls. They were going into the store, but I stopped them to share Jesus. They all were born again believers and were out inviting people to come to their church for a hay ride.

1. they were 20 or more miles from their church
2. Others were inviting a young lady in that church area to go on the hay ride also.

We didn’t meet on the hay ride but we did go to the youth meetings and then met. A anointing came over me one night letting me know that gal would be special in my life. We were so perfect for a match, even were raised by a alcoholic father.
That’s beautiful. My wife was given to me by God, as well. I was walking in rebellion, and dating woman after woman outside of marriage. Each one was crazier than the last. Finally, after unhinging from the last one, I cried out to God to bring me the perfect wife. I basically recognized I had no idea what I was doing when looking for a mate.

All the promises of God are yea and amen in him 2 Corinthians 1:20 (all God’s promises are for you)

By his doing you are in him. 1 Corinthians 1:30 (it’s by his work that you are in him, not your own efforts)

So the promise of “none will lack his mate” is for YOU now based on the word of God and only the devil or your flesh is trying to talk you out of it being true for you.

He that finds a wife (or husband) finds a GOOD thing. Proverbs 18:22

God has plans for you for GOOD and not for evil for a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So this means a mate is included in the good things. You can believe for a mate and know your believing a GOOD thing, and it is in the will of God for you to have GOOD. You can also believe that the devil will come to talk you out of it so be ready. (the devil comes immediately to take out the word)

http://eyobberhane56.wordpress.com/2011/03/12/what-the-devil-wants-from-you-part-one/
Keep on keeping on.
Jesus says “when you pray believe that you HAVE all ready received it. If you have all ready received it there is no room for despair or worry because you have it. You believe Jesus words, trust him and you have it in your heart and consider it a done deal. You have received it by faith. You give Gods word and his work through Christ glory or weight by doing this. That Glory you have given God is the substance of your future answer. It is the seed. Confidence in God’s word is something God will support. However the thief and the “birds of the air” are coming to steal it, and they are coming for it right away.
If you have anxiety worry or despair it’s because you do not yet have it because you did not believe you received when you asked, or you doubted, or the devil gave you a good reason to believe that you didn’t have it and might not get it. Once the faith is gone there is no substance since “faith is the substance of things hoped for” No seed, no blade, no stalk, no corn. Your prayer answer was eaten by the birds when it was a seed

I often have taken things by faith and had the devil try to talk me out of it, I say well if I all ready have it its a done deal, the questioning part is over. My name is Tim, waters wet, fire is hot, and i all ready (past tense) received it. Too late Mr devil, done deal, done deal.

To Giray, many people like you have been Very Blessed to find your perfect mate. And many of us were certainly not which i will never understand why. God certainly Punishes many of us with Loneliness, and it certainly doesn’t make any sense at all the way i see it. why should many of us have to be Alone since we never asked to be born to begin with? I certainly don’t want to be Alone the rest of my life that i have left, it would certainly be Very Depressing, and the way i look at it Cancer kills you quicker, where as Loneliness is a very slow and painful death.

Real answer have you really read my comment??? You too can get married have faith believe and act. As a man think with his heart so shall it be. God does not respond to pity but faith please read what these men and women did to find their spouse. It is up to you not God God has done all he is going to do we have his words and promises. I beg you do not let the enemy of your soul win. We are living in a spiritual world come against spirit of delay. Depression put on the armour of God. God bless praying for you

There are alot of single men of God, I see them preaching in street corners all the time but no women are out putting thier lives on the line and preaching the Gospel, or dont even make contact with the preachers they just get back in their cars and start texting on thier cell phones again, it seem like none of them have any passion for soul winning for God, I think women are really scared to preach in my opinion, not all of them though, I just don’t see any though and I do experience this all day every day, I even left my last job because my General Manager told me not to mention religion to the new employees, I don’t see women doing that at all, so where are these women of God, doesn’t your Bible say in Matthew Chapter 28:19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen, then where they at?

Hi there- thank you for your article! I just stumbled across this website today and I really appreciate your outlook on life! I’m not sure if this has been said yet, but in my experience (27 and as single as you can possibly be ), singleness becomes easier to swallow when it stops being a villain. I think the main cause of discontentment in singleness is unwillingness to deal with the possibility of being single for the entirety of one’s earthly existence. Because, in grappling with that concept, you find that marriage is an easy idol that takes our eyes off of Christ. Marriage is not promised in Scripture, and so I can’t afford to have marriage as plan A, with perpetual singleness as the lesser plan B, especially given that more women than men are attending churches today. In our generation, God will call more women to singleness, based on that reality, and so I think we need to stop telling women to wait for God’s best because truth be told, He already has in Christ. If God chooses to bring one of His sons into the picture, I’d definitely be okay with that, but counting on it would only distract me from what God has called me to here and now. Thanks for your ministry…hope it doesn’t sound like I’m rambling

I am just about ready to give up on god. I am 29 years old, have never been in any relationship despite praying for many years, for a wife, i even went to a bible study for 3 years where many people prayed for me, i now realize it was all in vain. I am a pretty decent looking guy, in good shape, and i have a good personality, i have approached my share of women, so it’s not a lack of trying, but at the end it is always rejection for one reason or another. I had a classmate i really liked, i guess you could say i fell hard for her, she was beautiful, classy, smart, polite–everything i want in a women , on the last day of class she came up to me and complimented me, she seemed very interested in me, at that is how it appeared, at the end i got her phone number but sadly she never answered a single text. It broke my hart, i cried, and to this day i still think about her.

I’m am fed up with the none sense that many people say about god finding them a spouse, even worse is people sharing their testimonies about how they met their spouse as if that has any relevance. Has it ever occurred to anyone that god did not help you and will never help? Does anyone actually believe that god has “a plan” for you, if that is true many people have gotten and will get the raw end of “the plan” a plan that includes (poverty, sickness, loneliness, death, ect). Is god real? I like to think so, but with the way things have been going and the circumstances for people around the world i begin to question god and how he allows such disgust (don’t give me the devil BS either) god can prevent all evils but instead he sits back and lets it happen as if he enjoys it. I guess people like me deserve to suffer because god made a mistake by creating Adam and Eve which then decided to eat an apple. How fair is that?

Anyways, back to topic. I did not choose this life, i have always lived a quite life, did good things, and prayed but yet i deserve to be alone? I am lonely but at piece, i stopped believing in the entire fairytale of god having a wife for me. Not happening.

actually im probably not going to get married. its sucks but honestly. i WISH someone had told me the truth about the circumstances of my life early on. my parents lied to me bc they were living a lie in an affair and they raised me thinking I would have a relatively normal life get married etc but I was under jugdement when I was born. it actually hurts MORE to be toLD u will Have a bouncing baby and youll have a whole normal healthy family when that is far from tru. yes God can do anything, but even He states its HARD for a rich man to get to heaven, not impoosible but very hard. I agree we should speak the truth in love and perhaps that mean ole lady who said her baby was gonna die was not in the right spirit, but ive lived w someone like that who is HARSH BUT still sometimes they are telling the truth. yes it hurts but what hurts MORE is me approaching 41 having been lied to my WHOLE life about something God NEVER had for me in the first place to realize this late no one asked me to be bridemaid bc I was never going to be a bride anyway. living a lie is NEVER a happy place to be. you can have faith but telling some Jesus is gonna give u a husband when He may very well not the cruelest, more cruel then that mean ole bitter lady telling you boaz isnt coming. been there done that.

Perhaps it is possible that God is calling you to be a rapist. Even Jesus probably got his rocks off with the Magdalen – clearly he had no problem with hookers, but hookers are not very satisfying, at least not unless they are young, hot and clean.

Such an interesting article. I’m glad I came across it. I’m 29 years old, still single, and at that cross road of being glad I’m still independent and yet yearning for my own family. I’ve been praying for a husband for a few years now. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to meet him. Although a few years back I thought I had found someone only to be rejected quite harshly. I’ve even applied to an online Christian dating site but I’ve not gotten many hits. The funny thing is that when I was younger and fresh out of high school, none of this marriage business was on my mind. I just wanted to go out in to the world, have a good time and make a difference. But as the years crept by, my singleness and lack of never having a boyfriend troubled my parents greatly. Their nagging for me to marry and have kids has only increased the older I’ve gotten. And it’s something society expects greatly. At 29, aren’t I supposed to be married to a loving husband with little ones running about my feet and a house in the suburbs?? I keep telling myself that this is not the year 1950 and to just take a breath. When God has the time right, he may decide to bless me with a loving husband….or he may bless me in other aspects of my life such as maybe an adoption in the far-off future. I don’t really know. All I can do is trust, and pray for discernment that He will guide me where I need to be.

Well the old days was certainly a lot more Easier finding love like our Parents, Grandparents, Aunts And Uncles did since they really had it made back then since the times were totally different since they were very Extremely Blessed by God which God has really forgotten many of us Good men and women out there that are still looking today.

Needed this today. Thanks for the post. And the example of the baby was the best. Most people (elders) don’t seem to understand us. And its extremely frustrating going on making the same mistakes again and again and again in the search to find someone.

I’m just 24, but I sometimes feel a lot older, looking back. And yes I am scared out of pants about never finding the right girl. Guess I just have to be stronger and hold on through this spell.

Well in my honest opinion that many of us Good men that are still single today as i speak is that with so many women out there that are very independent, high maintenance, selfish, and very spoiled certainly has a lot to do with it , and we really have No reason to blame ourselves since many of us today would’ve preferred to been married with a family which i am sure many of the other men out there would certainly agree with me too. Many of us i would say are Not single by choice, except for the ones out there that really enjoy being single and really Don’t care at all which i will say more power for you. And for the women that are still single, i am sure many of you would love to find a good man to settle down with too, except for the ones that really want to stay single.

Well for many of us Good men out there that really wanted to get married to have a family, is that with much more women that are Gay today certainly tells the story since us Good Straight Men always seem to meet the real bad ones instead of the real goods ones which by now all of the good ones are all Taken.

I pray you will find the right one Seems to me many men go after the unfaithful ones but so many lovely ladies to choose from stand on Gods word remember when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac? You can pray and ask the Lord to order your footsteps and remove anything unknown or known that would hinder,delay or stop you from getting married theres a spirit of singleness trying to keep Christians from marrying we need to fight it with prayer and action Faith without works is dead.

I just happened upon this blog and could so much relate to many of the comments above. I was very happily married for many years, so although I’ve gotten used to being “single again, I still know full-well what I’m missing. I was quite content as a single in college, but of course that’s all I knew at the time. Yes, it’s quite possible to be happy as a single person, and even to enjoy it at times, but I can’t help but feel that I’m no longer living life to the fullest; things are just better when shared! For me, it’s like the world changed from technicolor to black & white. And many churches, sadly, are some of the worst places to find yourself as a single adult/parent, because they just don’t know what to do with you. It amazes me how needed and valued I felt (and was treated) as a married man in my church, and how quickly that all changed once I was single. No wonder so many singles end up drifting away, discouraged, and feeling unwanted. Anyways, if singleness is a gift, it’s a gift I want to return! I believe that love is the reason we’re here, and being in love makes everything so much more enjoyable.

Well since many women these days that are very high maintenance, selfish, spoiled, and very independent , is a very Good reason as to why many of us Good men are still single today which we really Can’t blame ourselves either.

First this will be in regards in the firstborn of David and Bathsheba. The baby didn’t die because God planned for it to die, and actually God doesn’t plan deaths, he does deliver/cast judgement. David was punished for the sins of adultery and murder, and baby was allowed to die.

Back on topic, ultimately it’s a person’s own choice. Paul chose to spread the gospel and remained single despite those were different times and persecution was bad in his times.

It’s a pretty safe bet to say if you haven’t been married by age 40, male or female, chances are you won’t. It’s not God calling you to singleness. If you’re single by default, chances are no one wants you. That’s the honest truth. There is something about that is making you unattractive to the opposite sex and you might as well face it. lol

To Maria, with that comment that you had made which you would be Better to just Grow old all Alone with your Cats anyway since many of us Good men would Not want a woman like you anyway in the first place since you seem to have a problem with us men.

Well keep praying and putting faith to action. They are so many lovely traditional girls nothing is impossible. Maybe join an international christian dating agency many christian ladies in europe and all over the world do not lose hope remember the power of life and death are in the tongue. Ask God to lead you. No good thing will he withhold from the righteous. The only one doing the withholding is the enemy of our soul through the spirit of delay and / or unrealistic expectations or our own negative thoughts formed through negative experiences. GOD bless you will pray for all of us.

It’s the one thing you didn’t want in your life: To be alone, single, unloved, and feeling unlovable.

You blame yourself. You blame others. You might even be blaming this on God.

But the truth is, you may actually be “blocking” yourself – probably without knowing it. Unintentionally, you have installed emotional, mental, and spiritual obstacles that physically block the happiness that’s supposed to come into your life.

Maybe the realm of darkness is hindering your success in love!

Do you remember what the Bible foretold us?

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” – Ephesians 6:12

The evil powers of hatred, aggression, and anger are driving us mad!

They may not be letting love come towards you – the love which you deserve and crave!

Or maybe the time is not ripe yet!

Yes, admit it or not, dear friend! God has His own timing! Maybe you are linking all the dots in the right way, but it is just not the right time for you! In this case, you feel discouraged, disappointed, disillusioned and distressed! What should you do?

You should know that when each and every of your efforts fail to give any results, it is the best time to wait for the best time! While you wait, why not soak your love story in anointed prayers? Why not powerfully invite God’s presence to bring all the finishing touches together?

That’s why you’ll want to read the new bullet-point prayer guide:
Own Your Love Story
by Malia Wofford

testimony
In it, Malia covers all the hidden problemsfaced by singles in your situation. Revealing lessons she learned from her own personal story of struggles and triumphs – Malia helps you work out the issues you’re dealing with so that you can actually PRAY for and pave the way to GET the love you WANT!

It’s easier than you think, once you know how to think and PRAY about your love story – and not subconsciously block it all the time!

You’ll delight in Malia’s insights… her sincere and genuine style… and her humorous anecdotes that we can probably all relate to!

I am not buying the nonsense by many on this thread that they didn’t choose to be single. Of course you did. If you has really wanted to get married, you would have done it. It’s just that in religious circles it isn’t acceptable to choose to be single, especially women, since they are repeatedly told they are nothing unless they are wives and mothers. Just be honest and stop whining about your “lonely” fate. My b.s. detector goes off when I read this nonsense.

This from a sixty-year-old who doesn’t need a man and kids to validate my existence.

To Susan, how in the world can you expect us men to be married if there are No decent women out there these days to meet to begin with? And years ago the good old fashioned women were the Best back then since Most of them i would say were Raised very well by their Parents to find a Good man to settle down with to have a family, and today their Parents Aren’t decent themselves to Raise their children Right From Wrong. Don’t you understand today is Totally different than years ago? And today you just Don’t get it.

Susan , this opinion is the nonsense ! People who didn’t choose to be single
Had no choice to be otherwise !!! To me choosing to be single requires an actual option of getting of married
When a person is proposed too but says no I’m choosing to stay single instead . If people wanted to get married they would have – to who the invisible man ?

My bs detector went off when I read YOUR POST Susan
Quit whining ? Why don’t you ? Yeah I had to say it

Susan, why did you come to this site. What is wrong with you that you would seek out this site to make the comments that you are making. You have nothing better to do with your wonderfully fulfilled life than to torment men and women who could not the happiness of having and being a family. You didn’t want anyone, GREAT, leave this site and the rest of us who do, ALONE. I think that you are the one that is full of bullshit. Take your wonderfully lonely and barren fulfilled life and go do what fulfills you. You shouldn’t even have time to be on this site, since you have such an awesome fulfilled life.

BEN There are soooo many decent women out there!!!!! More decent women than men in fact most decent women are forced to marry non believeing moral men because the men in the church just arent interested seen this first hand.
I am single but I am not planning on being single at this year end as I have many offers from non Christian guys looking to settle down I always expected to marry a Christian but I have seen many of them treated me like dirt I spent so many year thinking I was ugly wondering why they were horrible when I dont have a mean bone and i believe in the old fashioned way. After hangong out with my friends being outgoing and actually realising I am not ugly has been liberating and I am looking forward to not being single’
As for there being no decent girls they are so many maybe your just looking in the wrong place or wrong church if you ask the Holy Spirit to guide you even pray and fast I am sure he will lead you to the right one as I said more women than men so it will be so much more easier for you

Don’t listen to women like Gigi. Marriage today, even in christian circles, is nothing more than a license to steal from men. The “old fashioned” women you speak of were Proverbs 31 women….they don’t exist anymore. The church has been overrun by “Jesus Feminists” (yes, its a real book…look it up) that want to have it both ways. They want you swim through shark infested waters to rescue them and tell you what a dumb@$$ you were for doing it after you rescue them. There are stereotypes about marriage for a reason. It’s not viable risk for men to take anymore. There is far too much to lose in a society controlled by feminazis and corrupt family courts.

If you don’t remember anything, remember this:
The relationship will be about her
The engagement will be about her (her ring)
The wedding will be about her (her party)
The marriage will be about her (her wants, her needs and your money to buy them)
The divorce will be about her (her wants, her needs and your money to buy them)

Oh, yes, the holy grail of finding a “decent” woman. How do you define decent? Are YOU truly a ‘decent’ man or are you just some picky righteous jerk over age 50 who secretly hates women but is afraid of being labeled gay so you use the excuse you can’t find ‘decent’ women! Look around, we’re out there…we’re just not perfect. Not looking like a supermodel or being someone who has never made a single mistake in our lives doesn’t make a person decent or indecent. While you’re looking for some Christian version of the purple unicorn, you turn your nose up on a nice age appropriate girl who happens to have some extra pounds, or you think someone who is divorced is ‘damaged’ goods no matter how much she has turned her life over to Christ and has repented. Some of you guys DESERVE to be single so as some hapless woman’s life isn’t ruined by your relentless negativity!

Your welcome Ben its true if you really seek GOD he will lead you to the right women not all women are bad. It is just some men prefer to give such women the opportunity to marry them and leave lovely woman sitting on the sidelines and i mean stunning ladies i have seen it happen for example a certain Christian I knew decided to marry this lady she wasnt that attractive but was quite slim and she would always wear revealing clothes anyways after 5 years of marriage she left him for another man he was heart broken in fact she is now a atheist!! But there were plenty of beautiful women with good hearts and he overlooked them all.!! I know similar stories but I also know more stories of really happy marriages obviously the commentator above is very bitter but if men prefer the gold doggers why do all women be painted with the same brush?

1 Timothy 4 1 – 3 Says demon’s would forbid to marry in the last days, people who think they or spiritual, pastors and teachers and single men and women, are hindered by religious spirits and lying spirits and seducing spirits ! When people say wait on God, Satan has time to steal your mate, he doesn’t want you to be married, so he gives you bad advice from someone who you think is Spiritual, You NEED THE HOLY SPIRIT FOR ADVICE , NOT FAMILY OR FRIENDS, OR CHURCH MEMBERS OR COWORKERS ! Remember Eve wanted to be god of her life, and control her Man !

The Bible speaks mostly about standing true to His Word, and the cost of following Jesus than it does about marriage, children, a wife, a husband………don’t believe me? Crack open your Bible and read it. It’s right there.

My Christian walk started later than most (late 30’s), and to Christian women that’s a “red flag” because I have a past drug addiction. I wasn’t raised in the church. I am obviously not ‘mature’ in my faith to handle a real woman of God. I don’t have a high paying job to be a “provider” to her (neither did the Disciples, and countless followers of Christ over the centuries….yeah….shocking isn’t it………obviously every one of these men were failing the Savior)

Fine. I know who I have believed. I know I have changed for the better, and so does my Savior (Glory to Him btw).

I will turn 45 this year (2015) and frankly, many of my “sisters-in-Christ” don’t have it all figured out either; despite what the pulpit / pastor tells them, despite what their “best friends” say about them. Despite the “feel-good” and “I -deserve-happiness” doctrine that is being purported and taught in most churches today.

Frankly after about three years or so after becoming a Christian I gave up on marriage and thinking about being a father someday. It’s really a bad idea today. For men that is. Women……..believe the feminists on this one. We’re terrible, immature, no good, sex-craving animals, dullards, silly, childish, not-spiritually-mature (and the list goes on and on)

Men, the courts will back her every step of the way if she ever decides to divorce you (70% of Christian divorces are filed by women because “she’s not happy”). The church will justify her choices. The fellow gossipers in the church will back her up.

You will become the ATM machine, and somehow you will be blamed for every problem the marriage…real or imagined.

Marriage for women in Christ today (for most) is about their wedding. Not about honoring The Savior. It’s a contest, not a Holy Sacrament. Marriage is only about ” her happiness” today……..not work, not struggles, not forging a bond with each other.

Christian men who do submit to Christ in humility, own up to their sin, have honest Godly sorrow for their past transgressions, and a determined WILL to serve Christ in His church are viewed as: weak, losers, not attractive, wimps, simps, not-real-men, lacking confidence, and of course the classic…………they must have a porn problem, or play video games all day long.

Like I said earlier. “I know who I have believed” and that step of confidence, and total repentance and of being a new creation is enough now. I was given a second chance at my life by Him.

The spirit of single ness is actually a evil spirit Some people on this page FORGET it was GOD that vreated marriage He said it is not good for man to be alone you see but the enemy wants to pervet this Just seek GOD in seeking tight spouse

Well if women wouldn’t be so very picky since many of them want a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet, then many of them would’ve been married with a family already. And there are many of us men out there that aren’t as picky like them, and many of us are very much hoping to meet a good woman to Accept us for who we’re. There are many of us good men that are still available that would know how to treat a woman very well and with Respect too.

You are believing a lie but declaring all “christian” ladies believe the feminists is a lie I know many Christian wives and mothers who are beautiful souls !!! Your problem is you “gave up” according to your faith was it given to you!! Sorry but such attitutes explains why the creme de la creme of godly women get married to non believeing men who are moral you have been unfair and biased!! But its not too late for you to find a wife the BIBLE SAYS HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING AND OBTAINETH FAVOUR FROM THE LORD!! no wife no favour!! And its so much more easier for men than women perhaps you should have looked at another church or asked GOD to direct your footsteps ask GOD to remove whatever is sending wicked ladies your way!! Did you do any of those things or did you just “give up!?? you sound bitter

The Bible also says you are not to be “unequally yoked” (married to a non-believer).

Sister, you can’t “pick n’ choose” which verses you are going to follow in His Word.

He finds a wife finds a good thing. I agree with that, but it is not a requirement for salvation, or eternal life. Solomon even said in Proverbs that is was ‘better to be single than to marry a quarrelsome woman”

Could this woman be you?

I was bitter. In the world, in my addiction. Striving in my career…..doing every silly trained monkey routine to get a woman to like me. Following the advice of what ‘women want”

Well sigh According to your faith be it unto you you believe Christian women are like that so it is Christian women do not have to prove themselves. I never said it was right to marry an unbeliever but with attitutes like some Christian men it is easy to understand. God bless you I no longer wish to have this discussion with you However I will say many Christian brothers have found wonderful wives and many Christian ladies have found good spouse in and out the churches and many have led their husbands to Christ!! I wish you all the best singleness is good for those who choose to be!

You no longer want to have the discussion because you know for a fact that many Christian men who do love the God. Who do serve. Who do believe. Who are not ashamed of the Gospel, just don’t see a reason to marry.

Too many of us woke up to the fact that we could never “be Jesus” to many women in Church. We were expected to be Christ, yet rejected by our fellow sisters because we just were “too nice” or didn’t fit the mold of the secular world that most women insisted we men become. We got tired of laments in Sunday school of “where are the real men?”

When the question should have been asked ‘Where are the real men with high paying jobs, perfect Hollywood looks, a house, that I am attracted to?”

God isn’t an American.

While living in overseas (before I was a Christian) I saw Christians in destitute poverty walking miles to church. I saw marriages, I saw people trusting God first (men and women) and living a life worth His favor and being thankful for “this day, and their daily bread” People putting their absolute trust in God. Viewing marriage as a sacrament to honor God. Not an expensive wedding. Not an “upper-middle-class-lifestyle” in a large suburban church.

Here, back in the USA? Shame filled sermons about how men are “boys” and won’t grow-up……..and thunderous applause and laughter by women.

Is it any wonder why men DON’T want to marry? Is it any wonder why divorce rates by “proclaimed Christians” are only slightly lower than the secular world? Messages that don’t even uplift, or teach men………..remember now, most men my age and lower (mid forties) were raised by single mothers. Most were taught by women in schools. Dealt with “girls rule, boys drool” nonsense throughout our college years…….

Women have told US that they don’t need US. In and out of the church.

Now, as these men drift further in age……it’s time to shame them, belittle them further for not being Jesus and husband material.

Instead of churches uplifting. TEACHING men who are in church now how to be a future husband; like always were just expected to know. Instead of the women of the church on their own just getting together to earnestly, full of blood and fire to pray for the men in their churches to be filled with the Holy Ghost and lead……….it’s more of the same drivel “These men are boys, they MUST have a problem with porn. they are weak, foolish, and humble……..that’s why we women date non-Christians…because these men won’t step-up and can’t handle a ‘real woman'”

As too many of you claim to “love Jesus” yet belittle men that show love, humility……….Let’s look at Christ. Here we have a sorrowful Savior who washed His own disciples feet, and openly wept for them because He loved them.

Many men in Christ understand Holiness, and they are not seeing it with too many of their sisters.

So go ahead, be “tired” of this conversation. Lament further. Defend dating, and sleeping with non-Christians. Tear us all apart. Blame US for YOUR actions.

As I recall, the prophets and Godly men of the Old Testament were laughed at, shamed and ignored when they set themselves apart from the greater community.

Well im not American I live in another part of the world all the best to you bro!! For the record I dont know what church you attend but if they make fun f men perhaps you should not be going there and secondly alot of what Christians go through is because of a “lack of knowledge my people perish for lack of knowledge”
When you begin to see yourself as a man of GOD and start BELIEVING what God says you will be victorious as for men I think majority of ladies in church already knows what that means and I have seen many ladies get married to normal men who didnt have the 6 pack and was a multi millionaire but when they got married God commanded a blessing. Seems to me you are picking and choosing which parts of the bible you want to follow Im getting married this year and you are truly content being single so leave the church ladies alone you have constantly said how horrible they are but that is NOT your problem as you are called to a life of singleness.

Please save your prayers for someone else i reject negative or evil prayers in Jesus name. Good day and thanks for confirming the attitute of many christian men when oother christians would warn me i refused to believe that anyone could be so mean spirited towards their fellow sisters in Christ NOT once have you ever mentioned that you pray for them not once have you said any thing Christ like it is a good thing you have chosen a life of singleness poor woman would probably suffer from someone who has a grudge towards women that is my final say

My journey with Karen began in 1998 after a mutual friend introduced us. I instantly knew there was something special about Karen, and we developed a close friendship. After several months I wanted to take our friendship further, but Karen was not ready at that point to enter into a long term relationship.
I was very discouraged and fell into a depression about still being single, having believed Karen would be a perfect fit for me. One Monday, a client and her friend come to my music studio to record. She could tell I was in a very sad state and asked me to share with her why I was so down. I did and it turned out she went to a Full Gospel church in Dallas. About that time the alarm technician arrived to install an alarm system. Turns out he attended a charismatic church in Houston! Soon all three surrounded me, laid hands on me, anointed me with oil, and prayed for me. Then the lady from Dallas prophesied that I would marry Karen. I have to admit I didn’t put too much stock in her prophesy at the time, but I knew this was no coincidence and I did feel a powerful peace and the depression lifted. Fast forward to March of 2013. God had sent me to Lakewood Church as a direct answer to a prayer. I prayed asking Him to help me meet singles my age. When I first stepped into the church on March 2nd I could feel a Holy Presence I had never felt in a church before, and knew I had to be there. I had promised God that if he would provide a singles class for me, I would do my part and overcome my fears of rejection to receive his perfect provision of a wife. I found myself however avoiding the singles class as I had done in the past, and after one very stormy Saturday night I left Lakewood Church without attending the class. During the drive home, I felt a very powerful impression that I was to re-dedicate myself to attend the singles class faithfully. The impression was so powerful I began praying that the following weekend I would meet the girl I was supposed to marry!

The next weekend I attended Lakewood Church full of faith, knowing something special was going to happen! I walked upstairs by the elevators, and a friend of mine told me there was a bible study the previous Thursday, and the teacher had a ministry to singles to help them find their mate. I had heard of her ministry previously, but had never been able to find out her name. He gave me her name, Bethany Scanlon. I thought this could be God’s answer for me. But after going upstairs to the singles class another friend of mine said to me: “There she is”. I asked “Who?” He said “The lady with the singles ministry, Bethany Scanlon”. I turned and there she was. I had never seen her in the singles class before and subsequently never saw her again in the class. I waited for an opening and introduced myself. Asked about her books, which she told were available on Amazon. She asked if she could pray for me about my mate, and I excitedly says “Yes!!” She did and I knew that God had setup a divine appointment! That was May 4, 2013. I ordered her book, Where’s My Mate?, and was amazed at the faith she had and the way in which God had spoken to her about her future husband. After a powerful leading of the Lord, I soon began believing and praying that I would be married by June of 2014 and I would spend my first Christmas with the woman I would marry in December of 2013!Soon after I found Bethany’s Facebook page and found out about a 6 week Want to Find your Mate? Bible Study she was teaching beginning September 6th on finding your mate. I attended and immediately Bethany confirmed all the teaching about singles I believed God had shown me over the years. (Years of false teachings had me frozen in time, afraid to move in fear I was going against God’s will, or feeling that I was on my own without the help of God, to find a wife I felt I was totally unworthy of anyway.) After 35 years, I finally felt peace about God’s plan for me being married! After the study, I called Karen and asked if she would be interested in attending the following week. We had rekindled our friendship and she had even attended Lakewood with me, knowing that God was doing some amazing things in my life there. I wanted Karen to find someone special to spend her life with and thought the bible study might help her. She came with me the following week and Bethany’s husband Lucas, began the study by speaking a word of prophesy over some of the attendees. Lucas spoke over me and then moved to Karen. Lucas took a step back and said that he was unsure how to approach the word he heard from God concerning Karen. He then looked at Karen and said: “I see you helping him (Me) with his music”. Then Lucas asked us, “Do you two know each other?” At that point Karen and I looked at each other stunned. Lucas had no idea that 16 years earlier Karen and I had written several songs together! And to me it was a second prophesy that Karen and I were to be together in some capacity. So I began to pray for direction from God about Karen and her place in my life. I had given up on us ever being together, yet I had a love for her I could not explain. I would have loved for her to be my wife, but I just wanted her to have someone. It was a love that can come only from God: Unselfish and pure. I continued to pray for God to close any door if Karen was not the one He had for me. Unbeknownst to me, God was working in Karen’s life, and unlocking her heart to accept my love. As we approached the final night of the bible study with Bethany, we decided to move our relationship past a friendship. That was October 13th. It was during this time Karen heard God tell her “Walk with Gary”. On October 20th we informally agreed to marry. The following weekend we purchased a ring and I formally proposed November 3, 2013. We married May 3, 2014. A full month before June of 2014 and we spent our first Christmas together in December of 2013. Just as God had led me to pray starting in June of 2013!
Fro God where is my mate Bethany Scanlon

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