This
is my story about what God has done in my life and the testimony which God has
given to me. My hope and prayer is that it might be used to reach out to others
who are struggling with the same afflictions I have experienced in my
life. If my testimony can be used by
even one person to find the way to the Lord, then it will be worth it all. “And they overcame him by the blood of the
Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto
the death.” (Revelation 12:11)

Looking
back over my life as far back as I can recall, I always "thought" I
was sexually attracted to other males.
Of course, at that young age I had no understanding of the feelings I
was experiencing or what they were really all about. I had been a "mistake" from the
moment I was conceived. My parents did
get married but it ended in divorce shortly after my birth. Not only did I not have a father in my life,
but there would be no other male role models in the years to follow. All I remember is that I had such a strong
desire to be held and to be close to another male.

In
the years that followed, the real reasons for those feelings would be twisted
and distorted by the enemy and by my flesh.
They became the base for the subtle lie of homosexuality which was being
laid in my young life. Eventually I
would accept the lies as the truth.
Event after event would be twisted and distorted, leading to yet another
lie; satan truly is the great deceiver.

My
mom and I started attending the local UPCI church when I was 4 years old and I
began to learn all about Jesus. When the
church doors were open, we were there.
I remember how I loved attending Sunday School and learning how to be a
“busy bee” for Jesus. I also remember
the hard wooden pews and the seemingly never-ending sermons. Back in those days children did not sleep
during church. To this “little boy,”
life was good and I didn’t have a care in the world.

When
I was ten years old there was a major split in our church. Half of the members left and the other half
stayed. I was included in the half that
left. It’s as though a switch in my life
was turned off and everything that was, was no more. No more church. No more Sunday School. No more Jesus.

During
those first ten years two defining events took place that would forever shape
and change the course of my life. First
was the planting of God’s Word, the “truth,” deep in my heart and mind. As John 8:32 says, “And ye shall know the
truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Second was the increasing awareness that there was something very
different about myself and that I was becoming more and more sexually attracted
to other guys. Another LIE ~~~ that
little boy was not looking for sex: he was looking for the love and the arms of
his Daddy: he was longing for what was normal and healthy and of God.

Without
church, the doors to things of the world were now wide open in my young
life. Without the godly direction I so
badly needed, I began more and more to choose the things my flesh desired. I started doing things and trying things that
I had never done before. I started
hearing new words such as gay, queer and faggot and I just knew that in some
way they related to me. Although I did
not understand what was going on with my thoughts and feelings, I instinctively
knew that it was bad and I began feeling shame and fear over who I knew I was
becoming.

By
the time I had graduated from high school and entered college I was actively
involved in homosexuality and alcohol was fast becoming my “best friend.” I was completely confused about my identity
and my purpose in life. I begin using
“substitutions” to fill the voids and emptiness and loneliness that filled my
life.

After
finishing two years of college I enlisted in the military, traveling the world,
drinking, partying and yes, continuing my involvement in homosexuality. After six years of military service, I
decided not to reenlist and so with my honorable discharge in hand, I headed
out into the world. For all practical
purposes I was a full-blown alcoholic by that time.

I
was 27 years old and it was at this point that I completely accepted the lie of
homosexuality and labeled myself as “gay.” My whole world was consumed with the
so called “gay life” ~~~ if it didn’t have something to do with homosexuality,
then I didn’t want anything to do with it.
I practically lived in the gay clubs and all I will say about the extent
of my sexual activity is that I was at the bottom of the pit of perversion. As my Pastor said, I had been duped by the
lies of the world: I had bought the lies, hook, line and sinker. It’s a total miracle from the Lord that I
never tested positive for AIDS and that I’m even alive today.

It
didn’t take long until I lost everything to alcoholism and I ended up living on
the streets and eating from trash cans.
For the first time in my life I seriously considered suicide. Satan almost had me; he almost destroyed
me. John 10:10 reminds us that “The
thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” But somewhere there was a mother who had
never given up on me and God began to answer her prayers. After spending a combined two years in
intensive residential treatment and a half-way house program, I never picked up
another drink nor did another drug.

With
my new sobriety I was able to complete my Bachelor’s degree and went on to
complete my Master’s degree as well.
With sobriety I was also able for the first time in my life to maintain
a long-term relationship and for the next ten years was in a monogamous gay
relationship. Once again, to me life was
good and I didn’t have a care in the world.

I
celebrated New Year’s Eve 1998 at a gay club.
God was the very last thing on my mind.
In fact, God had not been on my mind for many, many years. I had come to hate “religion” and Apostolics
were at the top of my “enemy list.”
Saturday morning, January 2, 1999, I was alone at my home. I had just poured myself a cup of
coffee.

Suddenly
I froze in my steps. From out of
nowhere, I screamed at the top of my voice; “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” In that instant, God broke the chains of
bondage and gave me back control of my mind and total power of choice: a mind
that was clear and able to think and choose freely. But it was still all about choice and I had
to make a choice. Right then I knew it
would be my last chance to choose God. I
CHOSE GOD!

After
all of the years gone by and with all of the hate in my heart, I immediately
went to my computer and began to search for a UPCI church. WITH GOD, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! At that time I lived in the New England
region and I knew that there were no UPCI churches close by, but I was hoping
to at least find one in the same state.
I found a directory of names and email addresses for UPCI members. Guess what I found?

Yes,
I found a name and not only was the person very near to where I lived, but there
was also a new UPCI Home Missions church as well. I was in awe, total and complete awe. I just
could not believe what was happening. So
I got real bold and sent off my email, asking about service times and
requesting that I be added to their prayers.
That’s it, nothing more. I
received a reply back that same day and was asked if I might be able and
willing to be a little more specific as to my prayer needs. Well, what did I have to lose! I was on a computer and they would never know
who I really was. So again, I got real
bold and typed the words "I’m gay" in my next email. I did not expect to hear from them again.

The
email which I received back within the hour was the most loving, caring, and
non-condemning message that I had ever received from a church person. It was also the most hopeful message that I
had ever heard about God's love for me and that with Jesus I could live a life
that would be according to God's will.
It also made it clear that sin is sin and that I was no worse because I
happened to be gay. (God bless you
Shawn!)

Soon
afterwards I met with Shawn and started attending church. It had been almost 40 years since I had last
set foot in an Apostolic church and God’s truth was still there. And so were repentance and forgiveness and
the Holy Ghost! No longer was I running
and hiding, keeping that horrible secret all locked up inside. I was able to start talking with my Pastor
and with others in my church family and receive their love, support and
prayers. This is what makes the difference!

It
continues to be a daily process of overcoming and growing in the Lord. If I told you that it has been an easy
journey I would not be telling you the truth.
I understand what it means to “deny myself and to take up my
cross.” I understand what it means that
“my flesh must die.” When God filled me
with the Holy Ghost, He didn’t give me amnesia.
He didn’t erase all of the old memories and mental images. He didn’t destroy the mental video library of
my mind. He didn’t take away the lust of
my flesh and the lust of my eyes. He
didn’t remove all of the consequences of my past choices in life.

I’ve
made mistakes, I’ve had slips and a few times I fell flat on my face. I have not yet arrived; however, I refuse to
give up. I refuse to stay down and I
know that the victory is mine, “because greater is He that is in you, than he
that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)

I'm
no longer alone and I’m learning how to “let God be God.” He is giving me the strength and the desire
to resist, taking captive the thoughts of my mind and the desires of my
flesh. He gives me the way of escape as
I set my mind on things above: no longer on things of the flesh. As I continue to focus on building a real and
a closer relationship with God, He continues to open my eyes and my
understanding to my past. Day by day the
lies are being exposed and they are being replaced, one by one, with God's
TRUTH and with His holiness.

This
journey, the transformation and healing: it’s not about “gay to straight” ~~~
it’s about “lost to saved” ~~~ No longer do I walk in condemnation. No longer do I live in the “slave
mentality.” No longer do I accept the
lies about my identity and who the world says I am. GOD’S WORD tells me the truth!

Today,
IN CHRIST, I am truly able to say, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he
is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become
new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Bro.
Nello

*************************

Reprinted with
permission from Beacon Ministries

Web Site: www.beaconministries.net

Note: Bro. Nello Pozzobon is the Founder/Director
of Beacon Ministries, a national and international Apostolic-based outreach for
those individuals seeking freedom from homosexuality. For further information you can e-mail him
at: director@beaconministries.net