Monday, September 12, 2005

Confession: I wake up almost every morning with a pain-in-the-ass headache. Or two. I can't tell if it's stress, sinus, blood pressure, a bad pillow or what. It sucks.

Fact: I am in the worse health EVER in my life. Last month when I saw the doc I about fainted when I saw what the scale said. And comparing myself to the gals on Celebrity Fit Club II -- well, I should've been comparing myself to the MEN.

Fact: This taking care of myself is for the birds. But one has to do it...no one is forcing my hand to put crap down my throat -- or not to take the pills that make feel so much better. I still don't get it.

Fact: I HATE being one of those people who take pills or vitamins or enzymes or WHAT HAVE YOU at the table. But today, because I was feeling so lousy, I just took my damn blood pressure pill and my anti-depressant (YAY Lexapro) then went to a nice Persian restaurant for lunch/dinner. And there I was taking two acetaminophen (Tylenol) at the table. Not to mention I wanted to taste the persian ice cream -- and I take two digestive dairy enzymes. Oh god, I'm one of those people! How did that happen?!

I will say, however, that the ice cream was really good -- unique! She said it was "Pistache, with saffron and rosewater." Hmm... flowers plus a spice that's usually in Indian food... sure I'll try it. I love green tea ice cream, so I'm easy. And it really is tasty, but I can see how some of my food snob six friends would hate it... too weird. But this is MY gut, and I like it. I said my "Shenorhagal em" (thank you in Armenian -- they were Armenian from Iran, via France and Sweden) and went to get my glasses adjusted at the Galleria.

Fact: My EYES are the worse they've ever been. I know I need a new prescription because I can see better from far away -- but I can't read shit up close. I'm one of those old people who hold their papers a yard away from their face, or just take off my glasses and put my reading up to my nose. Geez. My discount health insurance (best for catastrophic, but shitty for every day stuff like pills, appointments and glasses) doesn't pay CRAP for eye exams... and hell, if I'm getting bifocals, they better fucking look hot. AARGH! I may be biting the bullet on this and asking Mom and Dad for a pair or the cheapest things in the world because historically, my bad eyesight is what has caused me the most headaches.

Fact: I'm at risk for diabetes and heart disease. Today was the first day I actually seriously am admitting it, as much as my mother reminds me of it everytime I'm on the phone with her until last week when I told her she couldn't talk to me about that anymore. And see, Mom... leave me alone for a bit and I'm actually now interested in my own damn health.

I have relatives with both high blood pressure and diabetes. Not immediate family, but next circle out... plus a whole nationality (Filipino) who is susceptible to these things just by their blood type and lifestyle. Great. I have a friend who to test himself everyday and is insulin dependent -- he's half Filipino -- and is so slick about his diabetes you barely know he's doing what he's doing at meals. Except that we're all very aware that we go NOWHERE with out his little blue fanny pack or we'll all be in trouble.

I am not going to go there. Nope.

Fact: I haven't returned for my follow-up appointment with my doctor because I'm too cheap and scared to find out what this damn treadmill test might say. WISH I HAD BETTER FUCKING INSURANCE AGAIN!

Fact: I ate a bit too much at lunch (but not everything :) and kept burping up saffron (that was weird)... and all I kept thinking was I NEED TO WALK. If I can just get this body moving for thirty minutes on a daily basis, I will feel better and hopefully these headaches will go away.

So I went to the park where I used to walk the dogs. And guess what... as much as I used to hate how the dogs would dilly-dally (first part of the walk was for them, the last part was for me), it's really hard to motivate yourself to take a walk in the park by yourself. All these holes in the ground to trip on, someone else's dogs' crap... forget it! So I walk on the street and just concentrate on the pretty houses on the side and the other dogwalkers around, none of whom I know anymore.

(Can I tell you how weird it is to see people out on walks with untrained dogs -- they're practically being dragged -- and smoking cigs at the same time? Kinda self-defeating as me overeating then trying to walk it off, I guess.)

As I'm debating ONCE AGAIN about getting another dog or two... I trip on a pothole and almost fall on my face. Now I have a twisted knee. Lovely. SEE HOW BAD YOU NEED TO GET IN SHAPE? Ugh.

All I keep thinking about is Andrew's website, DynamicFitness.us, that I'm still working on. I need help... and $$ for that help. (I loved having a trainer when I did the "Alive and Well" lifeover but that's another). And maybe I need an IPOD too.

Fact: I might have to go back to Overeaters Anonymous - H.O.W. to get support -- or somewhere. I don't want to do this by myself. Which is funny, and the reason I LEFT OA-HOW before... I lost 1o0 pounds in nine months but didn't feel like I had any ownership of it. Hmm...

Fact: I'm drawn to yoga and tai chi... and according my blood type and every other frickin' book out there, those are the two kids of exercising (plus walking) I should be doing... things that calm me down. Who knew my head held all my stress?!

Probably my astrologer! (I'm an Aries Rat after all.)

Fact: After 30 minutes of walking... I can't find my headache. Very, very happy! Now... out to visit my brother who's in town for the evening... headache-free!

Fact: Gonna find a different route to walk... or at least walk early enough to catch the horses near the LA Equestrian center. Walking as a natural tylenol... loving it.

Fact: I do care. I just have to prove it to myself, right? Right. Moon must be in Cap right now -- discipline is on the table!