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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I guess its the camera angle, but every time I look at this cake I see a baby head wearing a giant bonnet. And yes, a body-less baby would be a little disquieting, but I think you could make the case that a Baby Burrito is just as bad. What's wrong with a Baby Burrito, you ask? Several things. Allow me to list them for you:

1) Ok, first off, check out the baby's expression. It's no easy feat to achieve a look that's both dead-eyed and horrified at the same time, but this baker just has those kind of skills.2) Next, try to imagine the position the baby's body would have to be in to have his (it's supposed to be a boy - more on that in a minute) chin lying flat on the table and his body stretched out behind. Who needs that pesky spinal cord anyway, am I right?3) Baby is packing some serious junk in the trunk: check out that badonk-a-donk rump*!4) There are no arms. Which, come to think of it, might explain reason #1.

Part of why I love all your e-mail submissions, folks, is that I have the option of grilling you for more details. In this case, I had to ask for a little more explanation regarding the, er, display. Wrecks reader Katie explained that the blue & white blanket was added to, and I quote, "boy it up", since the general consensus was that the cake was too feminine. And that black thing? That's a duck whistle. Yeah. It was also added to be, and again I quote "another signifier of the male gender". Yeah - a duck whistle.

Katie C, your family rocks.

*My sincere apologies to all R&B artists, individuals under 25, and non-honky people in general for attempting to use "hip" slang. I promise it won't happen again.

Alright, that does it. I move that we all write our congresspeople to establish an immediate moratorium on human-being-shaped cakes of all kinds. This has gone on long enough, and we need an intervention.

My next comment was going to start out with, "And did you see those eyelashes..." when it hit me—there's no way you couldn't have. So I'll leave it at this: while on the subject of the baker's mad skillz, let's not forget the often-sought ability to draw enormous, unmistakeable eyelashes that are completely disproportionate in size and darkness to the overall complexion of the cake.

And as to why cakes can ever have "complexions" in the first place, please refer to the first part of this comment.

"Mary? Yeah, she wound up with a c-section, but MAN, they had to cut it bigger than normal. Well, yeah, did you SEE the size of his HEAD??? Basketball comes to mind, no? And he looks so scared to be arriving, right?? Poor Mary, she thinks he's cute..."

That would be the catty sister-in-law talking to her friend about the new baby's arrival....

OK, so if I'm understanding this cake correctly, it's a baby lying on its front with a blanket pulled up so as to obscure all of its limbs and other human-type features (except the face). Not only is the poor dear about to be eaten in some sort of horrifying cannibalistic ritual, but it's also in danger of dying of SIDS first.

On reflection, I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.

Katie, if you're ever called upon to make a monstrosity like this again, I'd consider facing the head the other way around.

Okay- I've been on vacation the last five days so I haven't been able to check your blog. I so love it! Good grief, the cakes I missed being exposed to. The deformed foot had to be the grossest cake yet. Seriously, who wants to eat that? I'm sure everyone there had looks of horror and pity between their eyes. This particular cake however, I actually thought was a girl, and then upon closer inspection I realized that it was being eluded to as a boy. I agree with the above writer when he says we ought to ban all cakes that resemble human parts. ALL human parts. Good grief.

I've been following this blog for a couple of weeks, and this particular wreck has been haunting me since. If I'd been at that shower the idea of stealing that poor terrified burrito baby and hiding him somewhere safe would have certainly crossed my mind... I mean, how sadistic is this cake?

That said, if it's true that laughing lenghtens your life expectancy, I would like to thank Cake Wrecks for the extra fifteen or twenty years added ;-)

It is a very cute cake intended for a baby shower. I don't know for sure if this is one my store did or not, but we do something like it. It is very popular. The blanket "covers" up the baby. The face has been recently added to personalize. They were at first just "covered" up. No face. And yes - there are feet.

I'd like to see a picture of a baby cake you could do. Next time tell the cake decorators that you wanted a boy looking cake and the eyelashes wouldn't be so long and the blanket could have been given a different color. It's just a cake it's not like it's an actual baby it's cake it doesn't have to make sense.

All I can think is that the baby's mouth looks like it would actually hold up the whistle, so you put it there and press down and the 'blanket' that conceals some sort of plastic dealy that squeaks. (Because hidden jetsam is more fun than the obvious kind.)

I am new to this blog and thus reading all old entries...this one so far is the one that has caused me to laugh till tears are running down my face. I am trying to guess whether perhaps one of the parents is an alien and thus not familiar with human anatomy...? Also, that would explain the attempt to use a whistle to "boy it up." Huh? Do whistles=boys generally? My final thought is that if the actual baby in question ever sees this picture years down the road, he won't really need to do talk therapy because he could just give the picture to therapist directly...and that will explain all....

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