Monday, January 26, 2009

because it's only in The Bay that you can ride a BART train (Bay Area Rapid Transit)and witness this en route to the South Hayward Station.

Yes, SHE is standing up and pissing on the train.

Here is the story.

Last Friday night, James was coming home from his friend's house after work. When he got on the train, the woman we now see standing up and bare-assed was dead asleep in a seat. He moved past her and sat in the corner. Then out of nowhere, she wakes up about 45 minutes into the ride and realizes she has to relieve her bladder. So she gets up, grabs herself, pulls down her pants and does "the damn thing". If you will notice you will see there are a few people in front of her. As she is "doing the damn thing", one of the guys in front of her yelled back to James, "Yo- what the fuck is she doing? Is she pissing?" James replies, "Oh yeah! She's pissing!".

Then the winner of the classiest woman award kinda snaps out of her daze and realizes that there are other people around and everyone just say her pissing on the BART train. She got off at the next exit.

A few weeks ago I was having dreams about 4 kittens. The first night of the dream, James and I were somewhere that I'm guessing was our new home and it was Texas of all places. On the patio, there were four sweet little kittens. Two were orange tabbies and two were the black and grey striped kind (whatever those are called). One of the orange ones and I completely clicked. I wanted to keep it so bad but I knew that I couldn't. A couple days later, I dreamed about them again, but this time they were older and a little bigger, but still kittens. I don't remember the circumstance, but the orange kitten was there and came up to me and I was sad I couldn't keep it. The third time I had the dream, they were like teenager kittens. Older, not fully grown, and in that awkward stage of growth. But the orange one and I still really clicked.

Dude...these dreams were bugging me because I could not figure out what they meant or why they were growing each time I dreamed about them. So I texted Danielle and asked her to break out the dream book because I wanted to know WTF was going on. She told me that cats mean you're going to have a huge fight with someone, the growing symbolizes an ongoing issue, and then she asked me if there was a storm brewing any where. And there wasn't that I could think of. Then I started to worry that it was going to be Sami because in the third dream I had, Kenny (Sami's boyfriend) had the kittens and he was trying to give them away.

Flash forward to last Tuesday (weird that I'm asking you to flash forward to the past, but go with it). Happy inauguration day!! Woohoo! All will be right with the world. My cool friend Tom posted a funny little story about people throwing shoes at a blown up doll of Dubbya on inauguration day. I reposted it and my fucking psycho "friend", who is a Republican because she took 3 quizzes on the internet that told her so, emailed me and told me how disturbing it was.

Now, if you feel like going back through my blog, you will see that her and I had some problems after election day. From that point forward, I decided I will no longer discuss politics with her because she is ignorant and doesn't know what she's talking about because she has not done any research aside from 3 quizzes on like...I dunno...fucking Pyzam or some stupid shit like that.

It all rolled into a giant ball of fury on Wednesday. I will spare you the details of the ridiculously looooooong emails she sent me full of bullshit lies but I will say this: she really should be on meds. I told her never to contact me again. Do you think she listened?? OF COURSE NOT!

Of course I kept Danielle in the loop the whole day. She's my bff and there will never be another. She was laughing with me and could not get over the fact that 3 quizzes can actually determine your political party affiliation. Then I brought up the cats again and she kinda freaked out (not like the psycho Republican) and said she had completely forgotten about the cat dream and we decided that yes, in fact, the cats referred to the psycho bitch who's name I will not mention.

What's even crazier though is that I was talking to Sami about it last Wednesday and told her the dreams. She said that the cat was orange and spotted because psycho bitch has strawberry blonde hair that is kinda orange-y and she has freckles.

OK, this is getting to be too crazy.

OK, so long story short, I'm done with this crazy bitch. But she can't seem to let it go. She went as far as to email me this morning to tell me what a shitty person I am and how she bought me a Tiffany's necklace for my birthday blah blah blah. A gift is a gift. I didn't ask for it, I certainly wasn't expecting it. The email goes on to say that I don't need to bother replying to her because she's blocking me again. LOL

I texted psycho path to get her address so I can send it back to her. She told me to grow up.

In the morning I:woke up at 4:15 because I fell asleep shortly after 9 last night.

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:I dunno...that's a little too weird for me.

Once, at a bar:I was waiting to meet with someone and the two bartenders said, "Don't we know you?" Then I realized that they were Lawrence and Eddie. I went to school with them. Further, Eddie and I had a few make out sessions in high school. I didn't recognize either of them.

Last night I was:playing the DS!

There's this guy I know who:I love more than myself. Sometimes I forget though.

If I was an animal I'd be:a cat

A better name for me would be:Tiffany is good for me.

Tomorrow I am:working. Shocking, right?

Tonight I am:cooking dinner, doing homework, watching the inauguration on my DVR, watching American Idol, and doing laundry in between all that

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:iPod, cell phone, Nintendo DS, washer and dryer, stove, and a lap top. I'd be do it all Barbie.

I have an irrational fear of:snakes, worms, slugs, snails....again...basically anything with less than 1 leg(excluding people).

What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?my grandparents are all dead. But it used to be lots of baked goodies, kick ass home made lasagna, stuff bell peppers (because I hate cabbage), and my grandma used to make the best ham sandwiches. I can't explain why they were the best; they just were.

What weight were you when you were born?I have no idea.

I am most opposed to:organized religion.

Do you stalk anyone on myspace?No. I don't have time for all that.

I am too old to be:Involved in drama.

I find the thought of childbirth:pretty fucking awesome. I really wanted to get my degree in health care to become a labor and delivery nurse. Then I realized that I have a lot of doors open for my in the corporate world, so I switched my major. Oh well. Maybe next lifetime.

Next door to my house is:I live in an apartment.

My feet are:in need of a pedicure.

My preferred style of jeans is:bootcut

I know how to cook:anything with the right recipe. But without a recipe, I'm not that good of a cook.

I am annoyed at:not much really. Can't think of anything. Actually, I take it back. I'm just not gonna go there.

Men should always:clean up the mess they see instead of saying "we need to do XXXX".

Women should never:let a man cost them their smile. I promise you, it's not worth it.

What child-related smell do you not like?paste

What sea creature scares you?giant squids

What color hair do most of the people you are around have?black.

What object have you broken most recently?magnets on my fridge

Name one of the Spice Girls?Posh...that bitch has my fantasy man.

What was the last thing to make you cry?The Family Guy because I was laughing so hard.

I would like to be in an advertisement for:not sure. I know I would not like to be in advertisement for some STD related medicine. Remember Joey on Friends? No thank you.

What are the stems of wine glasses for?to make you feel like you're not an alcoholic because you're drinking out of a pretty glass.

My favorite shoes are:flip flops

My mothers' greatest fear is:I don't know exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was that I would take the same path in life that she did.

Ummm...wtf? There are really places like this? REALLY? Gotta love Google because I googled The World Famous Redneck Shop and would you believe this place has a MySpace page?? Seriously, I'm not kidding.

www. myspace. com/theredneckshop

So of course I click on it. And honestly, I don't know what disgusts me more...the fact that there is a store and people actually shop there and support it, or the fact that people actually shop there, support it, and befriend the store ON MYSPACE!

Curiosity always gets the best of me. So I start reading the comments on the page. And as one would guess, the people are generally as fucked up as the store and the concept behind it.

I expected the white trash.

I didn't expect this guy.

www. myspace. com/black_whitekid

Further, his comment blew my mind.

"how you doin long time no see guess what i am bout to be the first black guy in this ferturnity at schoolthats what sothern prides all aboutSAE..whitepower "

I would just love to show you the picture of him sitting in front of a confederate flag doing this whole white power hand salute thing but I can't copy it. It's disgusting.

Now please don't get me wrong. I think that EVERYONE has the right to be proud of their heritage and what they believe in. I do not think that the way these people go about it is ok.

I am not trying to start a racial MySpace war or anything like that. But dude...this is just crazy. I had to share it with all of you.

And if by some crazy chance, I happen to have closeted racist friends and blog readers who think this shit is ok, stop reading my blogs from now on. I want nothing to do with you.

Monday, January 12, 2009

In celebration of Chris coming home from New York, we had a bit of a party on Saturday night at Sami's house. Well, Sami lives in a very small one bedroom apartment. Having over the number of people she did, meant that I could not sleep off anything I decided to drink and come home on Sunday morning. And of course I was going to drink. Why wouldn't I? James had a bottle of Grey Goose. I can't sit by and watch him drink Grey Goose and keep myself sober. I knew that I'd have to cut myself off early so I could sober up enough to go home. Or just drink something other than my beloved tequila.

I thought I was so smart.

I bought Malibu and some Dole Pineapple/Orange juice. Let me tell you, this is one delicious concoction for those of you who have never tried it. But if you know me, you know that I'm too lazy to continue to mix drinks for myself. Even if it consists of simply two liquids in one cup. So I only had one glass of whatever this drink would be called in a bar. I moved on to Corona.

mmmm...Corona....

Then Kenny, Sami's boyfriend calls and says he's coming home and asks if we need anything. Of course we do! We need Cazadores tequila!! Why you ask? Because Chris and James are taking shots of Grey Goose. And I'm not taking shots of anything. And shots are the best. Plus, I have to hurry up and get drunk so I can sober up before I have to drive home.

Duh.

A short time later, I have a bottle of Cazadores. Yum.

And so everyone can learn from my mistakes: 5 shots of tequila, a glass of Malibu with juice, and 4 Coronas over what I think is a three hour period, is a really bad idea. Extra word to the wise: do not chase shots with beer.

I ended up doing the purge over the porcelain God. So I figured, OK. I'm gonna go lay on Sami's bed for a little bit because I need to drive home.

Everything's going good. The bed stopped spinning like Hef's round bed. I was in the middle of a blissful nap. Then the unexpected happened.

James decided he wanted to go home. And he wanted to go home right now.

I'd be lying to all of you if I told you I was sober enough to drive home. But I wanted to go home too. Kyle followed us and we made it.

I woke up yesterday morning still drunk and with the worst hangover of my life.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

In my efforts to avoid writing this paper that still hasn't magically gone away, I turned on my TV in my room and flipped it over to E!. I was just in time to watch E! True Hollywood Story - Young Hollywood: A to Zac. And the first half hour is about Taylor Swift.

Now I've been curious about this girl for awhile. I hear about her and her putting guys on blast in her songs and not seeming to think like a celebrity. She also frequently blogs on her My Space.

So I decided to sit down and watch.

Turns out, she seems like a pretty cool and down to earth chick. Well as cool as one can be for being 18 years old. Haha! Anyway, one of the things they discussed was these videos that she makes to songs from home videos via her cell phone. So I went to check it out.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

So I'm coming off a 2 week break from school for the holidays. I have this paper that I have to write for Cultural Diversity. It was due yesterday. I haven't done it. I was planning on working on it this past Thursday - Sunday but I didn't because as you know, I was sick.

My problem is that I was really looking forward to this class. Now I hate this class. And I cannot get myself together to write this paper. I'm screwed. :(

So if by some crazy chance one of you just loves to write papers....here's the assignment.

• Write a 1,050- to 1,400-word research paper identifying the linguistic, political, social, economic, religious, and familial conventions and/or statuses of four Hispanic groups living in the United States. Your paper should cover Mexican Americans, Puerto Ricans, and two groups of your choice from Ch. 9 of the text.

• Dedicate an equal portion of your paper to each Hispanic group.

• Conclude your essay by summarizing major differences and commonalties apparent among the groups.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The long lost cousin of La Princessa is just going to be called Crazy Chick. Because I'm not cool enough to think of a witty name.

Crazy Chick strikes again! Today, my friend/coworker sent me a Skype message asking if Crazy Chick was at my building because she's been gone for 20 minutes and her car is MIA.

I took a look around - nope. Haven't seen her.

Time passes and Crazy Chick pops back up at her desk at the main building. Turns out, she had a problem.

She unexpectedly got her period and left without saying anything to go get "supplies"....actually - here's her response.

Enjoy!

I got my period, and had to go get “supplies” I thought it was a 5 minute thing, but I got really lost and totally fucked and couldn’t find my way back. I am soo sorry, I thought it was 5 minutes. I will stay the extra time. I am so stressed, I was totally lost

OK, well I told you earlier that I've been hella sick. And I thought I was doing better today minus the lightheaded dizzy thing I have going on. But it now appears that I'm not. I should be at home sleeping because I'm just about to fall asleep right here at my desk.

Since I don't feel like "Do Work Son", I decided that I'm gonna do the Tiffany + Google thing that Temple did. Only hers was Temple + Google. Obviously. I'm thinking if I keep shamelessly stealing cool stuff from her that maybe someday I too, will be graced with a kick ass blog award.

So here goes:

1. Tiffany needs bigger breasts. * No I don't. Any bigger and I won't be able to breathe. Thank you very much.2. Tiffany needs love and support. * Thanks for reminding me that I'm a needy person. :) But I do love attention and support. Especially support in the breast area. Not joking...I really don't need them bigger.3. Tiffany needs to pray. * To whom? I don't get down like that.4. Tiffany needs to be stopped. * Fuck that. The year has just begun and so have I.5. Tiffany needs a dream house. * I believe I've been mistaken for Barbie.6. Tiffany needs an epiphany. * Well yeah..those are always cool.7. Tiffany needs some reminders and supervision with regard to self-care activities and taking care of her personal belongings. * I'm not sure who this Tiffany is, but she sounds kinda fucked up.8. Tiffany needs to be placed in a loving and caring home environment. * They must still be talking about Tiffany in #7.9. Tiffany needs to be checked for weaknesses by a muscle testing chiropractor. * I scoff in weakness's face. Weakness is for sissy cry babies.and last but not least...10. Tiffany needs plastic surgery sooo badly, and Tiffany should start wearing a paper bag if she won't. * ouch

And here's a cool "Tiffany needs" picture courtesy of Google just for shits and gigs.

It is currently 9:10 am on Monday morning. I get in to work at 7 am. So far today, I've accomplished absolutely nothing. Part of it has to do with that I have no work to do. The other part is that I've been sicker than a dog for the past five days and I'm lightheaded. I'm sure I could drum up something that looks like work if I could just think clearly. Anyway...

the last two weeks, my company decided to close down the sales department so that they could cut back on some payroll expenses. One of our sales assistants seems to be quite a bit like La Princessa from Temple's blog. I won't name names for fear that the crazy bitch will somehow come across my blog.

There are many stories about this girl who is yet to be named. Should anyone have suggestions, please feel free to fill me in.

Let me give you a little background on this girl. At first she seemed really nice. Then it was revealed that she might need to be on meds. The stories range from the police coming to our work to question her, to her telling us horrid stories about restraining orders on her parents, to her coming to work early and falling asleep in her car causing her to be an hour late to work.

And now for the first story of the year:

She told everyone how Big of Rob and Big fame bought her a drink in Reno over the holiday. "You know...the big guy from Rob and Big....what's his name?"

Friday, January 2, 2009

Go here for a random date. Then go here for the Top 40 charts from the week of your random date.

Then tell the whole world via your blog a story about the song you chose.

First of all, let me just say that my Top 40 week is pretty freakin' hilarious. I think that music during this week was kinda crappy and shallow. But I like and remember almost every song on the list.

My random date is July 24, 2000.

During this time I lived in Minnesota and had a live in boyfriend that I really didn't care much for. But since I am not one for change, I sucked it up and dealt with it for another 2 years. Another story another blog.

The song I selected is It's Gonna Be Me by N 'Sync.

My son was 2...almost 3 years old at this time. He got the music gene from his mama. No, we're not musically talented. We just love lots of music. And he loved N 'Sync. So much so that Danielle bought him an N 'Sync action figure and he thought it was the coolest thing ever.

My loser boyfriend at the time had twin younger siblings; Katie and Bobby. I remember Katie being a bit more mature for her age than a typical girl. And Bobby being the typical teenager. We'd go to the family's house and they'd be watching TRL. But whenever N 'Sync came on, it seemed like everyone was drawn to the TV. I'm not sure if it was just because of the time we were in - pop music was dominated by teenagers and boy bands. Or if they were really a talented group. I mean, all these years later, we can only account for Justin Timberlake, right?

Anyway, I don't really have a crazy story for any of these songs on the Top 40 for that week because all I really did at that time was work. But I remember that N 'Sync just kinda took over that whole summer.