Q&A: Fixes for Friendship, Family and Relationship Problems

My friend has diabetes, but she's not taking care of herself. She eats unhealthy foods, won't exercise and quite honestly, I'm angry at her! My husband says I should mind my own business, but that's just not me. How can I help her?

Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares so much about her. Your anger, no doubt, comes from a fear of losing her to this dangerous condition. I don't think you should mind your own business (even if you could) because your concern might nudge her in the right direction. That said, there's a difference between a nudge and a shove. She may be struggling to change her lifestyle, and feeling judged by you for succumbing to that chocolate lava cake will not help—and could drive you apart. Your friend needs to find her own motivation. That's something that, no matter how much you care, you can't give her.

So here's what you do: Sit her down and say, "I'm only going to say this once, because it's your life. But it kills me to see you not doing more to deal with this condition. I know it's a big change, but people do it and I'm here to help—if you ask." Then just be a friend: Invite her to yoga or to take walks when you go, and serve healthy foods when she's at your house. When she makes a good choice, give her a quiet thumbs-up. The most important thing is to convey how much you care and are rooting for her, and keep your anger to yourself.

My daughter-in-law becomes moody and sullen at every family get-together when things don't go her way. She has apologized, but this is not a one-time event. What do you think I should do?

The fact that she apologized bodes well. At least she is aware that she has been a pain, which means she may make an effort to change. Look, you have no idea what's really up with her. She could be battling depression or panic attacks and feel overwhelmed by family shindigs, or you all may be unconsciously doing something that truly bothers her and she doesn't know how to express her feelings constructively. I'd extend an olive branch. Take her for a walk and say, "You seem to have trouble at our family gatherings. Is there any way I can make them easier for you?" Perhaps just knowing you're in her corner will put her at ease. If that doesn't work? Next time she goes into a sulk, ignore it. Do not obsess about it. Of all the brilliant things I learned from my mom, this was the most life-changing: "Everyone has a screw loose somewhere. Get over it, accept it, move on."

Six months ago, I was dumped by my boyfriend of 29 years via email! He said he hoped I would forgive his cowardice, and he won't return my phone calls. How do I find closure?

He's right about one thing: He's a coward. It is tremendously hard to live with unfinished business that leaves you searching for answers. But you're not going to get them from that weasel, so don't call him again. Instead, look for support from good friends or a therapist, who can help you make sense of what happened. He or she will no doubt push you to figure out why you didn't see this coming—someone that selfish and unkind didn't become that way overnight. It's not your fault he did what he did, but perhaps there were other ways in which he wasn't treating you well, so the question is, why did you accept it for so long? Happily, you will grow from this experience, and pursue a more loving relationship. Don't worry: One way or another, he will get what he deserves. Karma never forgets.

BETH LEVINE is a psychology/health writer who wishes she'd take her own advice more often.

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