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I was told that in life, I would come across some trying times — that I should be prepared to be strong and fight with all of my heart. Those trying times are now upon us but my heart…was built for war. ~Toi Powell

Memories of my past and moments not so distant, reverberate within my chest as I summon the pain I once buried. The pain, it hurts. It burns within me like hot lava beneath a violent earth, promising to rupture at the slightest disturbance.

There ought to be another word to describe the breaking of ones heart besides “heartbroken.” The word just doesn’t do the act, nor the result of it, justice. It is much deeper than that. A heart and spirit so shattered and bruised should not, by any logical standard, function, at all.

The calluses surrounding my heart has formed a protective barrier, enshrining the glowing red shards left over from life’s battles. Whatever is left of it still feels, still hopes, still hurts.

When the first thing you have ever loved introduces the sting of betrayal and dishonesty, there is a special kind of “pain” that seems unrelenting. No matter how much modern medicine has tried to heal it, it cannot heal this. The pain of disappointing, hurtful, abandoning parents/loved ones, the first gods before you knew one, that kind of pain, it never leaves you. Therapy is but a tool, although helpful, tricks your mind into looking past it — to move forward so that you can function as a decent human being in society. But the heart, it knows. It never forgets.

Love is, of course, what our souls desire. It is our purpose. It is what the universe is made of. Procreation, mating and passion, begets life, creation and continued existence. So beautiful, so magical, yet at times, so unattainable. How exhausting is the journey, to have found it and in no fault or in every fault of your own, you have lost it?

Oh the heart, my 5 star general-ess, tired, worn and battle ridden. On the front lines, disabled, yet always charging full steam ahead. My general-ess is bold and brave. She feels and fights not only for her host, but for others who have fallen in life’s battles along the way. She expands, beyond her capacity to love those who cannot love for themselves. Her compassion reaches to the darkest corners of the earth, straining to touch them all. But compassion comes at a price.

Compassion cannot exist without feeling. As overwhelming as it is, one must feel. But how can a broken, wounded heart absorb the pain of others, being so close to the brink of its own devastation? Displacing ones own pain to make room for more, is like playing shuffleboard in a small box, the size of a deck of cards. The worlds pain is my Titanic, and I am desperately stuffing it into a small…box of cards.

Everything hurts. I feel everything. From war ridden countries, to babies without mothers. Genocides to homicides my heart aches to a throbbing beat. Civil rights, women’s rights, Immigration, religious rights, African American rights, LGBTQ rights, Native rights, justice for rape and domestic victims rights. Any basic rights denied to a simple human being on the face of this earth infuriates me. It tears at me. It haunts me.

My fore-fathers and fore-mothers taught us what institutions of education has failed to instill within us. When pain becomes unbearable, and betraying thoughts of surrender to the forces of evil begin to weigh down, there is a moment, if you catch it, where your fear blossoms into courage.

My ancestors had courage. They learned how to live with the pain and used it to fight for freedom, for equality, to fight for the right to love. Blockades of injustice tried to sever their spirits from their souls purpose, tearing families apart, litigating against them for being, different. Still, they used that pain to push on, the fire in them ignited forever. Every strike against them, armored their hearts for long, weary battles and equipped them with the capacity for compassion along the way.

I am a daughter of my forefathers and mothers and I am learning, as they did, to live with and to use the pain. Harnessing strength from them and within, I summon the pain from my memories past, and moments not so distant. I exhume the horrifying truths and disturb the slumbering, violent earth. I arm myself with ammunition against tyranny, patriarchy, discrimination, racism, sexism and greed.

My chin ascends to the heavens from which I came as I use these tools life has given me along the way, to fight. My compassion isn’t without consequence as I grasp the red hot blade of the worlds pain to wield it in battle against the rising evils.

Love is my saving grace. For it is because of love that I have the courage to fight. My 5 star general-ess is bold, strong and brave. She lives to fight another day. I was told that in life, I would come across some trying times — that I should be prepared to be strong and fight with all of my heart. Those trying times are now upon us but my heart…was built for war.

Surprise! We have music for Blood of a Queen! So freaking excited for this! I get to combine my love for music and writing into this very unique reading experience and I can’t wait to share it with you all! After spending hours of songwriting, recording, producing and mastering we finally have a finished product!

Why is it So Important to Have Music to Blood of a Queen ?Music, the magical combination of sounds, harmonic voices, instruments and emotions– is the invisible force that connects the listener to a specific experience, usually one that the writer wants to induce.

We’ve cried, laughed, been afraid and even sat on the edge of our seats in suspense while watching a movie unaware that it is the music that is drawing us in even more. Sometimes the music alone can affect you in ways the dialogue and scenery can’t.

That’s the magic of music. Without it, our experience becomes 1 dimensional. But not anymore. Experience my novel Blood of a Queen like you’ve never experienced a book in your life.

How Will Music Work For Our Book?
Just like how a movie soundtrack supports scenes in a movie by describing a current mood or emotion, our music will do the same by enhancing the mood of the book. Placing you in a similar emotional experience as our protagonist, Ruby.

As our characters experience love, heartbreak, betrayal or courage we want the music to add another layer to the readers experience. See the book like a movie, flow with the story and be taken deeper.

Launch Buddy, by clicking below, you will be among the 1st to experience the music behind the book!

Click the audio link below to preview our song, Blood of a Queen!

Written by LaToya (Toi) Powell, The TOI House
Co-written by James Aaron Foster.
Performed by LaToya (Toi) Powell
Produced and recorded by James “A-Natural” Foster for Natural City Music. Mixed and mastered by Stefon Moeselle for Secret Sounds Productions

Available at the following locations: on 8/7/16

iTunes, Apple Music, Google Play,
Amazon mp3, Tidal

Don’t forget to share the journey with your friends and family by clicking on the share buttons!

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I’m back with a sneak peek! SBLJ: Ep 4

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 4

**Count how many times I drank wine in my video, leave it in the comments to be entered into the sweepstakes to win a free signed copy of the book and an invite to the Book Launch Party in NYC July 2016!!**

Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 4 of our Social Book Launch Journey! In this episode, not only do I update you on our book launch progress, but I FINALLY give you a sneak peak to our Book’s plot. Read below and don’t forget to check out the links I mentioned in my video and make sure you SIGN UP FOR OUR MAILING LIST for freebies, new videos and a chance to win a signed copy of the book and invite to the Launch Party in July 2016!

Make sure to watch the video all the way to the end to see Bonus footage of some of my most funniest moments while filming episode 4!

A forbidden love interest emerges on her quest for truth and Ruby struggles between following her young heart, or remaining loyal to a long lost childhood friend who is the very one who recruited her help to solve a crime; a crime that would put their friendship in jeopardy.

With the help of her favorite cousin Sheila, the duo uncover hidden secrets from not only her past, but Sheila’s as well and re-sets the wheels in motion to overthrow a troubled, yet, powerful Kingpin upon her arrival.

Skinny Fox Detox Review & Social Book Launch Journey: Ep 3, Toi

Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 3 of our Social Book Launch Journey! In this episode, not only do I update you on our book launch progress, but I share my Skinny Fox Detox results with you! How exciting!

Check out the links below and make sure you SIGN UP FOR OUR MAILING LIST! This new reader experience has never been done before and you don’t want to miss out!

Make sure to watch the video all the way to the end to see Bonus footage of some of my most funniest moments while filming episode 3!

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 1

Hey everyone! If you haven’t heard by now, I am launching my 1st book! Scary and amazing all rolled into 1. PLEASE SIGN UP FOR THE BOOK MAILING LIST BELOW…

Anyway, I have been working on my book launch since last summer– slowly but surely and now it’s time to kick things into high gear. We are on schedule for a June 2016 Book release and there is still so much to do!

The book has already been written…for 9 years to be exact but launching a book is a completely different monster in itself. I’ve researched the best ways to do this and I’m trying my hardest to accomplish these tasks as well as the unique tasks I’ve set up for myself.

I figured, there have to be other self- publishers out there, just like myself who are just as lost or maybe they’ve been there– done that. So, I wanted to document my journey in episodes, telling you what I’ve done, which tasks I’ve yet to tackle and how close we are to our book launch.

Doing this with you is me forcing myself to be held accountable by you…the viewer… the reader. And in doing so, I am pushing ahead to complete all of my tasks (which I will share with you) because I don’t want to make myself into a liar. I said I’m launching book, dangit….I’M LAUNCHING A BOOK!

If you want to be a part of this Book Launch Journey and email campaign I mention in the video, see the links below. And make sure you follow me, subscribe and comment too! I want to hear from you!

Motivation Monday – You…A Flicker of Existence

When you stop to think about how vast the universe is, how many planets, comets, asteroids and stars there are, remember your place within it.

You are but a grain of living energy sailing within a single galaxy, within a minute solar system drifting among millions, on a tiny infinitesimal planet, orbiting but 1 star, literally floating in the blackness of space.

You actually exist within a colossal body of glorious life which literally spins of its own accord with 8 sister planets in a harmonic dance that has lasted for millions of years.

And then, there’s you…you, who is only here but for a mere half of a blink, a flicker of existence. Living life, giving life and ultimately exploring it. Would you waste this miraculous moment, which is you, dispirited, tormented, dissatisfied and unmotivated to be anything but?

Your life is the most precious, most miraculous gift the star-dust of galaxies has ever formed, ever created. Live in your moment. Breathe your purpose. Explore your being and never waste it on anything less than the miracle that is you.

Overall, the endless vastness of space and all of the immaculate life it holds is somuch bigger than any type of adversity you shall ever face.

Be encouraged and be motivated to make your moment, your time, your existence in this universe worth it.