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I fully intended to get to the gym today, my first day back at home. I really, really, REALLY did. Alas, it was not to be.

Here’s what I had to do today:

Pick up my car from the dealership, which is an hour away from my home. Yay, new transmission! Boo, half a day gone.

Sort through my 18 inch stack of mail (not counting the Yeti Bobblehead I put on top and the beautiful scarf my mom sent me from Italy, which I opened right away) and pick out important stuff that MUST be handled before the long weekend. Handle it.

Go to the bank and deposit the checks that have been sitting in my mailbox for two weeks. I really wish my clients would use electronic transfer, but they don’t.

Pay bills. Make sure nothing is going to bounce since my checks have been sitting in my mailbox rather than in my bank account because there was nobody here to deposit them.

Get groceries, since the wine and strawberries my house-sitting friend kindly left for me are pretty much my only current food options. And a few onions. Since onion and strawberry soup sounds disgusting – even with wine – I need to hit the store. Soon.

Go to Target. Buy a new microwave and basics like toilet paper and shampoo, which are both running dangerously low.

Go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Again, this is one of those things that’s tricky due to my travel schedule. My insurance will only allow a refill to be processed a few days before I’m out of meds, and my pharmacy will only hold the prescription for 10 days after it’s filled. Which means that if I’m traveling for more than a week, I have a very tight window to pick it up before running out. This time, I have two days. Luckily, it’s not a critical prescription and I will not die if I don’t get it in time (or ever, really.) But still. It’s a pain.

So. No gym. At the end of the day, I do have food, toilet paper, a running vehicle, and money in the bank. Plus a beautiful Italian scarf from my mom. So that’s a good day. But no gym.

The Motivation

I also had a conversation with my house-sitting friend today about why I do these crazy trekking adventures. It’s a valid question, especially since one thing that I haven’t shared yet is that I have a weird sleep disorder. It’s a circadian rhythm disorder called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. What that means is that I’m constantly jet-lagged, even when I’m not traveling. My body’s circadian rhythms – sleep, digestion, peak performance (both physical and cognitive) – are delayed by 3-4 hours each day, compared to what is considered socially normal. My normal sleep time is 1-2am to 9-10am, which is medically considered a moderate delay, and is significant given that most work days begin just as I am waking up.

I also have a very hard time adjusting to different time zones – especially moving east, and especially if it’s just a few hours. I find it easier to adjust to the other side of the world, as I can just stay up longer which is much easier than trying to get my body to fall asleep and wake up earlier. Still, it’s a challenge. I use various combinations of melatonin, light therapy, and behavioral coping strategies to maintain a relatively normal life. Many people with this condition have a greater delay than I do and are not able to maintain anything close to a normal social rhythm. There’s also a related condition known as N-24, which involves a longer circadian rhythm and sleep that rotates around the clock. These conditions can be disabling. The nausea upon waking that we call a “sleep hangover” is only one of many daily challenges. I am one of the lucky ones, as I can fight the delay for short periods of time as long as I have rest time to catch up afterward. Still, it’s hard. Living with a circadian rhythm disorder can be compared to someone with a normal rhythm having to wake up at 1 or 2am every single day for the rest of their life. I know this would suck because I hear all of you complain when the time changes by a single hour! Imagine that feeling multiplied by three or four, always. Every day. Forever. I have no sympathy when Daylight Saving Time rolls around. None.

So why do I travel and make it even harder? Why do I want to haul myself out of a sleeping bag at Oh Dark Thirty for weeks on end, for fun?

To be honest, the answer is that it’s not just for fun. I trek up mountains in challenging conditions because it helps me deal with my DSPS on an everyday basis. It has taught me to keep moving when I’m sure I’m going to collapse. I’ve learned that even when my body screams “NO MORE!,” I can still find a little bit more. I’ve learned that when a porter is at the tent door with hot water and tea at 4:30am, I might be so exhausted that I greet him in tears, but I can, in fact, will myself to unzip the tent door and still find the energy to thank him. The goals that I set for myself on the trail – “I’m not stopping to rest until I get to that rock,” – have given me the courage to set goals in my everyday life. “I can get through that 8am conference call, then I can go back to sleep.” My brain doesn’t work very well before noon. I’ve learned to accept my limitations and structure my days in a way that the heavy lifting of my job can often be done during the hours where I’m sharpest and my mind is clear. Trekking has helped me get through the times when that can’t be done. I’ve pushed through physical pain and discomfort before, and I know I can do it again.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually I will be standing at the top.

Just keep moving Post-Its off the to-do list on the wall and eventually I will get to 2pm and the nausea will go away and my brain will kick in.

That said, I want to acknowledge again that my delay is moderate and under the right circumstances, I can shift it by an hour or two for very limited periods of time. Many people with circadian rhythm disruptions are not able to will themselves out of bed or unzip a tent in the early morning hours or conduct an 8am conference call no matter how much they want to, how hard they try, or how many treks they attempt. I am grateful every day that with difficulty and a lot of hard work, I can manage to function in “normal” time on a short-term basis. I am one of the lucky ones.

Waking up is still the hardest thing I do each day. Adventure travel – and trekking in particular – has taught me to deal with adversity and to keep moving forward through the pain and discomfort. That’s why I do it. Well that, the breathtaking views, and the porters who bring me hot tea. It’s complex. And worth every painful step.

Well, my optimism was misplaced. The same person who told me I’d have time to work out before our meeting scheduled an 8am start to the day today, and we worked all the way up until the meeting with no break.

Then all afternoon in a workshop with our client, back to the hotel, and straight to the airport to head for home.

I arrived home after 11pm, far too late and exhausted to exercise in any way.

Since the hotel that I’m staying in actually has a gym, I was really hoping that I’d be able to get a good run in today. But it was not to be. Even though our meeting wasn’t until noon, we were required to sit in a room and “rehearse” all morning. After the meeting, it was more work on the next day’s workshop that we’re presenting, then a team dinner.

No time for exercise. 😦

However, tomorrow’s meeting isn’t until 1:00pm and I’ve been assured that I’ll have time to work out in the morning. Fingers crossed!

I wanted to run today. I really wanted to run today. I’m feeling good and today is another long run. I know I can do it, and I’m ready to do it.

But I can’t.

My current accommodations have no gym and I am not allowed to carry a cup of coffee or bottle of water in view of anyone else, much less go for a run on the property. I’ve also been advised not to run off the property either, as it’s a pretty rough area. The presence of the porn/smoke shop on the corner leads me to believe that’s probably good advice, and I’m going to take it.

I don’t even have room to do yoga, although I did manage to meditate. Today is a bust. Totally. Tomorrow will be the same. I am bummed.

I managed to get quite a bit of walking in again today, even though I only had time for one ride. Still, it was better than any other way I could think of to spend my day, and it was a good break from the never-ending work of the last few weeks.

Plus, look what I found!

The Gear

Of course, I absolutely have to have one of these to look like a pro on the trek, right? 😉

I arrive at my next location mid-afternoon and all I want to do is be thankful that I was able to drive the hour from the airport safely and then crash in the comfy hotel bed. Hard. And sleep for days.

However, one problem…it’s a running day. I have a headache from sleep deprivation. I have no energy. The very last thing I want to do on the planet is run. I am flat out exhausted. But the hotel has a nice gym, and I know this may be my last chance to get in a good workout for a few days. My next location is an unknown quantity for the most part, but I’m pretty sure there’s no gym.

So I tell myself that it’s not a sleep deprivation headache, it’s an altitude headache. I use one of the bottles of water in the room and mix it with the one random pack of Vega One that I found in the bottom of my backpack, since I haven’t had a chance to eat either. (I always pack Vega One and Vega Recovery, but this time they’re still in the kitchen next to the forgotten energy bars. I’m grateful for that forgotten emergency pack.)

Then I go down to the gym and I run through the discomfort and exhaustion and pain. By the time the run is over, I feel SO much better! I don’t even want to sleep. I’m energized and my headache is gone. I am amazed. It strikes me that this is what I’m really training for – I can’t actually train for altitude, nobody who lives at sea level can. What I can do is train myself to keep going through the hard parts. I can teach myself to get up when I’m exhausted and when I hurt and when I haven’t eaten or slept. I know from my trip to Peru that those things will happen on the trek, just as they happen in my real life. If I can’t handle them now, how will I handle them later?

So I ran.

The Gear

I think I’m in love. When I ran today, I tried out one of my new GoLite running shirts. Oh. My. Not only are they environmentally friendly, but the fabric is super, duper soft and comfy – and there’s the perfect little hidden key pocket on the side. That was a surprise to me, as I hadn’t noticed it in the store. And guess what? It’s exactly the right size for a hotel room key. Score!!!

I want one of everything they sell. Seriously. This shirt is that good.

Rest day! I did walk between my field sites again today though, so that was good.

The Gear

Okay, time to decide what to do about all that GoLite stuff from yesterday. The Universe answered this one for me, as it started pouring down rain just as I started to head back to my field site from lunch. After kicking myself for not throwing my new Typhoon rain jacket in my bag just in case, I realized that not only was I lacking a rain jacket, but I didn’t even have an umbrella. I saw a cool little travel umbrella at the GoLite store yesterday…good excuse!

I still didn’t have a lot of time, so I wisely decided to limit myself to the umbrella and a couple of running shirts. There were some great hiking pants, but my body shape keeps changing as I go through this process. I haven’t lost any weight or even inches, but clothes are fitting differently, so I’m going to wait until closer to the trek to buy anything new for the bottom half. The top pretty much stays the same no matter what, so I’m safe there.

While I was in the store checking it all out, I also met a really cool guy who is a photographer for an outdoor magazine. We started talking about hiking at altitude, and about the frustrations of finding the right camera backpack. He gave me some tips on his home-crafted system, and I felt a lot better knowing that even the true professionals have the same camera issues that I do on the trail. It’s not just me – the perfect bag simply does not exist.

I left the store with the umbrella, two running/hiking shirts, a travel dress, and a pretty blue fleece hoodie that caught my eye for a pittance. Can’t wait to test it all out!

The Culture

In between all of this work and shopping and writing and meeting cute boys and such, I also managed to arrange an interview with a person that Everest enthusiasts will find quite interesting! That’s all I’m going to say for now, but keep an eye out next month for some Nepali culture and Everest stories. As a hint, Khumbu Yak told me that my hard work will pay off later, but laziness pays off now. So true! He’s quite the fortune-teller, isn’t he?

First things first – a huge THANK YOU to all of my followers here, and on Twitter and Facebook! You are keeping me motivated today, because quite frankly this is the kind of day where I would normally just give up and skip a workout in the name of sheer exhaustion. I am totally overwhelmed by work and travel today, and finding time to run seemed impossible. So here’s what I did:

I skipped breakfast and went down to the gym to run on the treadmill in the morning. Those of you who know me know how hard this was for me to do. I often skip breakfast to get in an extra 20 minutes of sleep before heading off to a field site, but to run? Never. I have no energy in the morning. None. Zero. Even if I eat breakfast. Today was no different. Even though this run was shorter than yesterday’s, it felt much, much, harder. I got through it though, and I probably should have at least had an energy bar or some such thing before heading down to the gym. I was planning to pack a few, but I believe they’re still sitting on my kitchen counter at home. I was so rushed and overwhelmed trying to pack and get out the door that I forgot to throw them in my bag. So I struggled through this run, but I finished it and for today that will do just fine.

But in the spirit of my crazy week and Murphy’s Law, here’s the thing – I didn’t have to run today. It was a rest day. When I got to the gym and opened my running app, it warned me that I needed to rest today in order to be prepared for tomorrow’s run, and asked me if I was SURE I wanted to run today anyway? Um. What?? Apparently, after the long run I was supposed to rest TWO days rather than the usual one day. Crap. All the mental gymnastics about where I was going to fit running in and what I was going to give up in order to do so weren’t even necessary. But here I was, on the treadmill, ready to go. So I ran anyway. Lesson learned – check the schedule before stressing out!

One more note – if you ever have a chance to influence the design of a hotel, in the name of all that is sacred in the universe, please, please, please do NOT make sweaty people in gym clothes walk through the lobby to get back to their room. It’s like the walk of shame. You know you look like hell and probably smell a little bad too. In this state, you have to walk past 20 or 30 other smartly dressed hotel employees and guests, hoping that your clothing and water bottle scream “healthy and active” rather than “socially clueless and disgusting.” There should be a dedicated stairway or elevator right from the gym to the other floors of the hotel, so you can sneak through without offending any of the upscale guests with your sweaty presence. Really. It can’t be that hard.

The Details

Checking my email, I saw that I have one from ACTIVE Himalayas. From the subject line, I believe they’re confirming that the deposit I sent to New Zealand a couple of weeks ago has arrived. I don’t have time to open it – as it’s either check my personal emails or actually write this. Another compromise today. I’m glad to see the email though, even though it reminds me of all the other things I still have to do: coordinate the flight with a friend and book it, get travel insurance (with medevac!), book the Tibet leg of the trip, decide how many extra hotel days I need to purchase – so much to do! But right now, it all has to wait another week or so, until I get home.

The Gear

I’ve been eating many meals on-site at my field location, but today there was no vegetarian option so I managed to sneak out for a quick lunch. In doing so, I passed a Go-Lite store having a 50% off sale! I only had a few minutes to wander in and drool over all the running and hiking clothes that I both want and need, so after grabbing a few things off the rack I looked at the time and realized that I needed to get back to work. No time to try anything on today, plus I only had my business debit card with me. So I reluctantly put everything back on the racks and vowed to come back tomorrow. Eat lunch? Or shop for gear that’s on sale? That’s a compromise to worry about tomorrow. Hmm…

Today was a rest day, which is good because I also worked 15 hours today. The good news is that I have two field sites here that are each about a mile from my hotel. I intentionally don’t rent a car, so I spent a decent amount of time today walking in between them. Even on my rest days I try to remain active. “Rest” just means that I’m not doing any intense workouts and I’m giving my body a chance to recover from the last one. My body can still recover while moving normally, so I try to fit in some type of moderate activity whenever I can.