Hi everyone. I was doing well with the grieving and was getting better day by day, however my last appointment yesterday seemed to make my world crumble. I got back the results of the autopsy and it said that the baby was a boy!!! When they did the ultrasound at 19 weeks they said a girl and when I gave birth they said it was a girl but now the pathologist said it was a boy. A karyotype wasn't done so now I just feel more heartbroken and confused. How can I grieve properly when I don't even know the sex of the baby! What if I would have put a name down for the baby or had a funeral? Now I am just happy my husband and I decided not to. I also unfortunately found out that there is still protein in my urine a month and a half later after birth. I have to do another urine test in two months and hopefully it will come back clear. All of my blood work is ok so far but not all of it is in yet. They also found that by looking at the placenta, the membranes were inflammed. I called the pathologist and said that they can't conclude why, just that it was. I just want answers and I feel that I cannot seem to get any.

The journey after loosing a lil' one is anything but linear, which makes it so difficult, as you see brighter days and then have one that knocks you down. It's such a process of continually getting back up and it can be exhausting. What I've found is that as the years go by, there are still those days that knock you down, but the getting up becomes easier and faster as you've practiced it so often. I hope the same will hold true for you.

I'm sorry some of the test results coming back haven't been as healing as you had hoped, and what a surprise to find out it was a lil' boy! What a lil' trickster you have on your hands. I remember getting some of our results back and expecting to feel "better" after and it didn't happen, it was a let down, but I guess in retrospect I know that no answers would ever be good enough because I couldn't imagine a reason good enough anyone could have given me to have taken my lil' girl.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, This is a long difficult road best walked with others.Lauren

How confusing the boy/girl issue is! In my grieving I have thought a lot about how Millie might have grown and developed and those thoughts would be different if she'd been a boy. Is there any way to get a definite on that?

Getting answers about preeclampsia may be difficult because no one really has definitive answers. That's part of what really sucks about this. That you had inflammation of the placenta is not surprising to me; there seems to be a connection between inflammation and preeclampsia.