Alright, due to some recent inspiration on this site, I am going to be keeping an online journal for myself. I previously have been doing it somewhat in Word, but I feel that this will help me monitor my progress better. (sidenote, this ocurrs in Madrid).

Tonight was a good night for me. I decided to go out by myself, and my intention was just to go out and have a good time, and not necessarily focus on approaching girls. This did help subside some of the nervousness that I would usually feel b4 going out alone, but it was still there. I have just decided that my goal for 2009 is to no longer feel nervous when going out. Be it to anbody’s house, a party, a bar with friends, day game, or bar/club alone. This is an ambitious goal, but I feel like if I can get this down I will have improved so much. Besides the results that this will be able to produce in field, it will mean so much towards what I have done for inner game; knowing that I have enough value to fit in anywhere and do anything. It will definitely require going out a number of times completely sober.

Anyways, as for tonite, its funny how quick my initial goal reverted back to pick-up. I guess there’s only so much you can do in the way of talking to guys when you go out, which for me tonite was basically none. Hah.

Anyways, the first bar that I went into I ordered a beer and chilled at the bar for a minute. I noticed this waitress that I had been joking around with the last time that I was there so I went over and resumed the convo. She’s not necessarily that attractive, but she’s pretty cool to talk to, and was social proof for the bar. It was early so I went down and sat at a table and just focused on enjoying myself with whatever I was doing (sitting). The waitress girl would come back and talk to me a bit so that was cool. There was a two set sitting on the other side of the room with a guy sitting down to talk to them. About 5-10 mins after he left I got up and went and sat next to them. Set didn’t run that great, the unattractive one was into me, and the good looking one not so much. Atleast I am able to chill in a “bad” set and not feel the need to do anything, if that makes sense.

Next venue, again there was only one set of 4 girls. They were all huddled around this barrel, and I gave one of them a hip-bump to open. Turns out they didn’t speak English, but I feel I did well for myself talking in Spanish. I actually spoke really well, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying all the time. Hah. Apparently they were filling out a complaint form about the bar. I couldn’t figure out why, even though they tried to tell me like 4 times.

Bounced to this jazz bar that I love, not really to open sets but just to chill and listen to music for 20 mins. Next I stumbled upon this salsa club and danced my balls off in whatever manner I felt like for a while. I’ve only taken one salsa class for a month, so I know the basic steps, but after that I just kinda do whatever the fuck I want and its awesome fun. The girls love it too. I was dancing with this hot brunette for a while and she was having a blast, and then she said she should go back to her boyfriend. Haha and he was standing right next to her when I asked her to dance.

One thing that is still wrong with me internally, is the fact that I need so much validation. Not even from stangers, even tho I do still enjoy that, but from friends. I think that I am around my computer too much, so I am constantly checking my email and facebook for ppl to respond, and then when they don’t I feel very discouraged and wonder why they haven’t. I start to think about possible things that I have done to make them not want to talk to me. While this may be important to consider, I am placing entirely way too much value on it.

During writing this I was contemplating the entire time whether or not I should be keeping this online journal. Maybe I just need to open more sets when I go out so that I don’t feel the need to elaborate so much on each one. Hah, but I think it’ll be good to monitor my progress online, especially since I feel my day 2 rate is far lower than it should be. O well, I just hope that I get out enough in the next couple weeks since I’m in finals right now..

Alright so I went out tonite for about an hour. What's good (or maybe bad) is that I might not have gone out if I hadn't started this thread, cuz I want shit to put on it :)

I went to a language exchange meeting, and I know it makes it soo much easier since girls immediately open to you since thats why they are there, but its good the fact that I went out and had 3 really good interactions, atleast as far as good interactions in spanish go for me.

What sucks is that even though my spanish is probably good enough to approach easily, I just don't have the confidence in my skills in spanish. I think its just something that I need to overcome, and if I do then it'll make me that much better in english. I'm only here for about another week tho..

Alright so its been a while since I've posted on here. Its also been a while since Ive been out and done cold approaches, which is not to say that I have gotten immensely better in my social circle.

Im in Amsterdam tonight, and went out with the guy I was couchsurfing with. After chilling in a bar and talking to random ppl, he had to go home in order to get up early for work. I was not going to follow him.

I got in line for a club, and I was actually feeling suprisingly good. My presence has gotten so much better lately, so I was just chilling and feeling good in line despite the fact that I could not understand any talk that was going on around me.

People could tell too. This girl started flirting with me in line for the coat check. But then once I got on the dance floor everything changed.

I did good in opening. It was a small venue and I opened 5 sets, each with prolly a 5 min interaction.

But the problem was that the enviornment was just soooo foreign to me. My mind would not let me access that cool part of my personality and go into state.

I could feel during my interactions that I was holding back. My arms and hand motions weren't as expressive as they would usually be. Later I also realized that my voice probably wasn't as powerful.

The things that I was saying weren't necessarily all that different from what has found me success in the past, but its just a matter of comfort in the foreign enviornment.

I tried to get past it, and on my last set I just started plowing to get something to hook. I pulled a guy into the conversation to try and throw him onto one of the girls, which typically would push her onto me. But they started talking to him in Dutch, and basically telling him to get rid of me. We had a little verbal sparring, but he eventually won out. Unfortunately that was my last set of the night.

I wasn't necessarily expecting to do well tonight given the circumstances, but I just want to keep forcing myself into this shit while I'm still in such a foreign enviornment. Should make going out back in Albany a helluva a lot simpler.

Alright so tonite was my first night out in London, and it was definitely a good one. Just being out makes me realize just how long its been since I've done some serious sarging. I've learned so much about myself and life in the past few months, and now its time to translate all of that into success in the field :)

I did a pub crawl tonite, so it was really cool to make some friends early. The first couple of bars it was just chilling with a bunch of ppl and flirting with girls and whatnot, no really cold approaches besides the initial one to meet these ppl.

There was one girl whom I didnt think was that attractive to begin with, but its funny how that changes how the night goes on.

Anyways, about the third bar was where I started doing some real cold approaches. There was a small dance floor downstairs, and I was delivering my openers really well. Good positive energy and conviction. I mostly just used the classic "I need a wife for 5 minutes" and just went from there. This really made me realize the importance of plowing since one girl I approached and clawed in was uncomfortable at first, but I just kept talking nonsense until I moved her to the side of the bar and kept it going. We talked for a while (actually I was doing most of the talking). I just kept telling all these future projections, I could have been in the dancing monkey role. I thought it was going really well until her friend came and they had to leave for some reason. I don't think it was necessarily a cockblock, but I also don't think that the girl was heartbroken to leave, probably dancing monkey. I need to find a way to get her talking more in that situation.

I made a couple of more approaches, one girl that didn't really speak english too well. Walking through the dancefloor a girl bumped into me and started apologizing, boom open. I talked for a bit and then went into the wife future projection. I tried an almost kiss that I had just read about, but she said she didn't want to kiss there for some reason and that she wanted to go upstairs. We go upstairs, and boom makeout. I grab her number for reason even though I will never call her. Meanwhile this is all building jealousy with the first girl, and then its time to bounce to the next bar.

Me and the first girl were kind of playing jealousy plots with each other all night, and then would come back to each other and flirt hardcore, moreso than with the other guys IMO.

Next bar I'm still feeling really good, until we go down to the dancefloor. There was a more unattractive girl on the pub crawl who really liked me and wanted to dance. I didn't really want to, but I didn't want to be mean. So we start walking to the dancefloor, and we might up with the first girl (HB7) who is by herself. Now I would obviously much rather dance with this girl, but I had already said I would dance with the nonattractive one. This start to makes me really uncomfortable since now both girls are wanting to dance with me. And that made ME uncomfortable? Stupid. I think the problem was that I was to attached to hooking up with the HB7 which was the cause of making me want to lose the UG. If I had just been more cool and indifferent about it, then I wouldn't have worried about it.

Anyways a large group of the crawl ends up all dancing together in the middle of the floor. I end up making out with the HB7, but then I think I took it too far by trying to play with her tits. She didn't like that. I think often times I get too touchy feely on the dancefloor, or maybe I just don't do it right?

I leave and go make a bunch of more approaches. The first 1 or 2 were pretty good, but then I just started walking around too much I think and started to lose it. I opened probably 5-6 more sets for the rest of the night, but looking back, when I delivered them I just did not have the same vibe in my voice that found me success at the previous venue. I was also using my "I am not good with women opener", and I think my lack of state just made it sound too scripted. Not to mention I did not have state. Hah.

Not sure if this was b4 or after, but when I was in the group of pub crawlers the HB7 had been dancing with another guy but didn't seem that into it. I tried to physically pull her away from him, but it did not work. It probably just made her want to stay there more. I think this is where I lost her, but I didn't really stick around for that much longer to find out.

I left rather early so that I could get a good nights sleep b4 the 100 set challenge tomorrow!!! I look forward to posting about it.

Alright so for my day game I was out for about 4 hours and got 33 sets opened. I made a bunch of realizations of things that I already knew, but I guess just that I haven't experienced first hand. Realization #1, its been way too long since Ive been out consistently.

Realization #2, if I'm going to be spending my time out approaching, I am going to be amused. Pump my own state. Not to mention the side effects that this would have with girls.

Realization #3, day game is different from night game, and state is incredibly important.

Some of the things I've been typing I am embarrassed to put down because they sound so noob, but fuck it, Im not here to impress anybody.

The first few approaches I was approaching with "I'm such a gentelman, and then giving future projections". At first it worked pretty well, but then it either became too contrived or I didn't have enough state, or both, and I would get blown out.

After that I just went real and started doing almost nothing but introducing myself. I approached as just wanting to meet travelers, or would just through out some funny comments and share a couple of laughs.

I think that this challenge is good for some things, but I feel that I was too focused on opening a large number of sets rather than having quality sets. Like once sets were opened and we talked for a couple of minutes, I was ready to go find the next set. Not really what I need to work on the most, but atleast its still reference experiences, in a foreign country nonetheless.

One thing that I really noticed was that at first I would get that feeling in your body when you're walking around looking for cold approaches. I'm talking about that slight mix of apprehension, nervousness, and adrenaline. Probably some resistance mixed in there. Then when I started to walk around being real that feeling really subsided a lot more. Also I noticed that when Im walking around with a purpose I find it so much easier to approach than if Im walking around with only the purpose of approaching. Not really sure the reason, maybe its because Im subconsciously afraid of showing too much interest by walking around only trying to pick up girls, or just the fact that Im doing nothing but that.

But on that note there were several sets where I opened telling them that they were number "13" or whatever. Then I explained to them that I was trying to talk to 100 women that day. And they didn't really seem to care. I actually had a couple of girls seem supportive that I was out doing that and working on myself.

Its still funny how good and experienced I think that I am, and then I go out and its not necessarily the case. I can have a level of success, but I think most I need to work on running a set from start to finish and close. Which is why this challenge might not be the best for me.

I am going out to a club tonight, and do not really expect to make it to 100. 67 is a lot of sets for one night out. I will open as many as I can, but again, hopefully I don't need to because I find one that I can just run for a long period of time. Anyways, I'll post back with how it goes.

Alright so finally I can post my FR from Saturday night. Met a group of girls here at the hostel and they were heading to a club and invited me along with them. Second night in a row that I was supposed to meet up with Roc off this forum, but didn't work out. Hah he was even in the same club as me but I didn't even realize it. Hmm come to think about it I did see a guy claw a girl and make out within 30 seconds...was that you Roc?

Anyways we went to Ministry Sound, and it was a wild freakin time. Unfortunatley Im not too familar with the club scene (yet), but this one was really cool cuz it had 3 diff areas, one being a huge rave party.

There were two attractive girls in the group I was with, HBwild and HBindie. HBwild was a blond and def a wild party girl. HBindie was more chill and laidback and had an indie-rocker style to her. Def a plus for me.

So we get in the club and I split off immediately with HBindie since everyone else wanted to check their coats and we just wanted to throw them somewhere. We go out on to the dance floor and start dancing for a bit, makeout, and then go rejoin the friends.

After all of us chilling and dancing and whatnot, the girls started acting weird and like leaving w/out telling me and whatnot. Found out later that they were meeting up with friends so that a couple of them could do molly. I'm glad that I didn't know that because it would have been tempting.

When they started disappearing, I went off to do my own thing for a bit. I didn't want to go approach crazy or be too obvious about it because I was assuming that it was on with HBindie for sex back at the hostel, and it was too easy to pass up given the logistics.

I went upstairs and approached a 2 set of girls standing at the railing overlooking the dancefloor. They were French and didn't really speak english. Luckily tho the only one that I actually talked to could understand spanish, so I talked to her for a bit in spanish. Ran out of things to say, stood there for a sec, and then just started dancing and hip-bumping her. Good save. We start dancing my free-lance salsa in the open space behind me, which escalates into face to face grinding. She was really good at this and moving in circles a lot, and me not so much. I panicked because I know that I sucked at this and I didn't want her to get frustrated with it or whatnot, so I go back into salsa dancing, which was de-escalation. Bad move. Lost the set shortly after.

I had just read Alex's post about fun things to do in the club, and I decided to try the one where you attach 3-4 straws together and then stand behind a girl and put it in her drink and try to steal some of her drink. It def worked to open and get a big emotional spike, but I couldn't get the straws to actually get me some free alcohol. Those goddamn straws are freakin hard to put together by the way! Hah but either way the point was to open and it did. I did it a couple of times, and I think I might not have had enough state to pull it off really well, or maybe I just didn't transition into something good right away, or both. I should probably just claw them in right after I do that since I open with such a bold move anyways, not to mention that the claw rocks!.

One of the sets that I opened with this I saw guys handing girls the drinks and I thought that maybe I shouldn't do it on that one. Mistake #1 was thinking about it. Obviously then I didn't have that great of state. So I went in and did it, and I got a better reaction than when I did it the first time, and I probably should have clawed her in. But I just kinda stood too far away and didn't really transition well into anything else, and then they started saying that this guy was her bf. I look at him and he's a big guy. He looks down. Chode.
The girls keeping talking about him and start saying that I should like run away and shit. I probably should have transitioned and plowed with something. But I just laughed and looked at the guy again and stood there, just to prove that I wasn't scared of him. Then I turned my back on the group and started dancing looking for another set to open. Didn't find one so I walked on. Maybe I'm too picky with sets, which leads me too walk around too much? Maybe I should have just opened any nearby set immediately?

I think the only other real approach that I did was after I had been dancing with HBindie in the rave-like scene for a while. I was so exhausted all day, and it was catching up with me. I just wanted to go upstairs and chill on one of the couches for a bit. I sit down arbitrarily with no real intentions to approach, but then notice that an adjacent couch turned away from me had 2 girls and a guy, guy in the middle. The guy was obviously macking it too the far girl, and I saw him turn his head once to the girl closer to me to make a comment. I figured I'd do us both a favor and talk to his obstacle. I just tapped her, introduced myself, and extended my hand. She responded really well to the authenticity of this approach, and turned her entire body towards me.
Shortly after I told her that I need a wife for 5 minutes. I start going into future projection within 2 seconds of it I decide that I can't talk to her with us both leaning to be heard, so I drag her onto my couch. We have great body contact as I go through my "routine" and she is loving it. I do an almost kiss, but I don't remember who was the first to pull away. We go back to talking. A couple of minutes later I try another almost kiss. We hold it for a few seconds, and then I break and go in for the kiss. She pulls away and I just end up kissing her teeth. I joke with her about it, and she ends up coming in to give me a small kiss.
I had a hard time transitioning into anything else once again. I think it was the enviornment that Im not used to that was messing with my head and not letting me be that free about things. I should have just sat back and said something like "Tell me about your day". I had already gotten her to qualify herself, not to mention that responded really well to me introducing myself in the first place.
Her friends came over, a guy and a girl. I should have immediately started talking to her female friend and bringing her up to speed on what we were talking about, but I didn't. Shortly after that my girl mysteriously got really thirsty and needed to go get something to drink. Huh. Funny.

Hah overall it was a really fun night for me. I had a bunch of other realizations that I wrote down elsewhere and had planned to put them here, but are now feeling too lazy to do.

I didn't end up hooking up with HBindie girl which is too bad, but hey shit happens and I still learned a lot. Rock on.

Went out again in London last night. This is a fucking fun city, and Im a bit sad to be leaving it tomorrow. O well, just gotta move on to the next adventure.

A couple of Austrian guys checked into my room last night and they were heading to a club to meet up with girls that they knew, so I went along with them. And it really blows my mind how so many guys go out and do nothing but stand at the bar and drink and talk only to each other. Not to mention that they flew all the way from Austria to do this.

The venue was a lot smaller, and was a really young bar with a small dance floor. It was also cock central. Makes me realize that when Msytery said "The louder the music the hotter the women" it was very very true.

Either way I made a bunch of approaches and had a lot of fun. Well the venue wasn't nearly as overwhelming as Ministry Sound on Saturday night, I did a lot better with just feeling good on my own and doing whatever. This did involve some dancing on my own, but I have a lot of fun with that so whatever. But also there were plenty of times when I would want to go to the dancefloor to do some approaches, and it was nothing but guys until the center, so I would have to push through and whatnot and then look superchode just trying to do that.

First approach- I leave the bathroom and find a cute brunette standing near the bar. I claw her in and go into future projections. I think she was kind of into it, but she left after a bit. o well, its just the first set of the night.

I dont remember the order of a lot of the sets, but I remember one that I opened on the dancefloor somehow. Probably just taking her hand and spinning her. Then I went into salsa dancing, we might have done some grinding. Hah honestly I remember so little about it which is weird. I wasn't even drunk either.

I need to work on dancefloor game, if thats even important. This wasn't like a really high energy dancefloor so I couldnt really just get in her face and like immediately go for the make out or anything (who knows tho, since I didn't try). One thing that I did do good tho was pumping my own state on the dancefloor. I would just jump around and clap my hands and throw out a few screams. Haha one time I didn't stop jumping when I started talking to a girl. She thought that was weird. And it was probably incongruent since I was jumping around all high energy and then said something like "how are you" which is low energy.

I also realized the importance of having energy when approaching a group of girls. There was one time when I just got done jumping off the dancefloor and walked towards the bar. Maybe I had a state crash, or maybe its just because I was wicked tired but kind of forcing my body to have energy, but I had no energy when I approached and only the UG was really into me. I think looking back tho if I could have plowed with something good tho that the hot girl would have been interested. I'm just not too familiar with how to run three sets effectively.

So far I've only talked about the bad tho, but there was good also. There was a brunette standing by herself and I go up and pull her in by the waist and start talking. Don't remember about what. But I start to teach her how to salsa dance. After that we came in to do some face to face grinding, which she liked, but I don't think she was incredibly comfortable with since she wouldn't really allow our legs to interlock to the point to get some serious grinding going.

At first I could feel that it was a bit on the awkward side and that she wasn't comfortable with it, but as soon as I started like singing really loud and crazily and shit she loosened up and started to have fun because she could see that I was there trying to have fun and not there to just rub my dick on her. There were no signs or anything for a makeout, but there was a good point where I said something, and then I just pulled her hair down to lift her head up and I went in for it. We made out briefly and then she pulled away. I think that she was probably just wicked young like every other girl there. I like how I went in for the makeout because it means that I am getting (re)calibrated very quickly because when I went out on Friday I might not have had the balls to just go in and do that.

Her friend came over after a bit, and I learned from the mistake that I had made the other night, and I immediately wanted to fill her in, and so exclaimed that I was teaching her how to salsa dance. Haha I think I might have been too enthusiatic about getting that point out tho. We kinda did a three person dance circle for a minute before her friend dragged her away to the dance floor. I know that the friend didn't necessarily want to go because she squeezed my hand real tight b4 she left. I never did see her again that night. Damn I need a wing for shit like that because her friend was goodlooking also. Or maybe in this case I just needed to talk to her for a bit to get in with her. Wasn't sure what to say (even though I didn't even think about it at the time). Maybe I need to stop going out when Im wicked tired. Maybe thats just an excuse.

Hah so after that I told one of the Austrian guys about what just happened and he got real excited for me...because I was talking to a girl. I was busting his balls asking where he was and shit and that I needed him, and then he started monotonously running down a list of excuses solely for his benefit as to why he did not go talk to the girl. Fucking chode.

Then came another time when I needed a wing. I saw two girls sitting down on the couch by themselves and I walked up and introduced myself. I introduced myself to the hot one first. Maybe I should have done the UG first. Maybe it doesnt matter. Right after I shook the HBs hand they said that they were together. I said cool, and then extended my hand to the UG. She asked if I had heard that she said they were together. I answered that I did, and I was still introducing myself. Talked for about 20 secs standing. Then squatted down for about 30 secs. Then got up to take a seat on the other side of the couch. It was fun talking to both of them since a lot of what we were talking about revolved around our different cultures. We were like doing impressions of the different cultures and whatnot.

Come to think of it, I was also telling a joke on the fly about our encounter, and in the future I need to put the girl in a bratty/slash dorky role whenever Im doing future projections or anything like that; I had just heard Tyler talking about that on Foundations after I left the club. And this is super important since I obviously use these all the time if you've read the above posts.

Anyways, I wasn't sure how to split up the two girls. Also on that note the interaction made more sense to me when I learned that these girls hadn't even finished high school yet. I remember talking about school, and then realizing that they were still in HS, and I asked the hot one how old she was and she goes "eiggghhteeen". LIEEEE!! Haha maybe the drinking age being 21 isn't all that bad because having 16 and 17 year old girls regularly being in clubs and shit is kind of weird IMO. On that note tho I know that I was in a really young venue and Im sure that there are others where its not so common.

Anyways the conversation was starting to die out and they said that they were going to dance, and asked me if I danced. I immediately got up and said to the UG, yes I would love to dance with you. And grabbed her hand and led them to the dancefloor. But 3 person dance circles are just weird. And it didn't really feel right to just start grinding with someone. But I still did after a minute the hot girl but she went back to her friend. I left on a high note by messing up her hair again (I LOVEEE doing this) and she punched me as I was walking away. Again, never saw her again tho.

I think that that's more or less it. Im getting better calibrated and comfortable being out, but of course still have a long way to go in both of those areas. Also I know that girls are often attracted to me at first glance and I can often approach well and get attraction going early, but then I just fizzle out and usually lose the set. Not really sure why. Maybe its because I run out of things to say, which I know is bullshit and should never happen. Maybe its because return to inside my head. Maybe its because I realize whats going on and I become outcome dependent. In any case, I think that if I just work on my presence and my ability to hold my state it will take care of it. Haha lately I’ve been thinking that almost anything can be solved with presence. Not really sure if that’s true or not, but I do know that it will help, and we’ll just see to what extent as I improve my presence.
Alright well I gotta take a nap so that I can go out for my last night in London, and the last night of my Eurotrip.

Alright so tonight I went out in Albany for the first since I've been back. One thing that Im realizing, the more and more you think about something, no matter what it is, the harder that it is to do it when the time comes.

In this case, I had been thinking that coming back to Albany I was going to fucking rock out and get everything handled as far as pick up goes. Which makes sense. But problem is that I thought it too often.

So when I got out, either consciously or subconsciously I was thinking "alright, this is it. do your thing". And it fucked with my head.

I got out early with a couple hold friends. We got to the Bayou about 9 or so, and played pool for a while. But its fucked because workers would walk by that weren't even that good looking and I would get this weird feeling in me like I was supposed to do so much and immediately go get her, because this was what I was home for. Fuck it sucked.

After a bit I was able to just chill out and have a good time just being fucking stupid and doing w/e with my friends. One girl even came up to our pool table solo and tried to talk to us, I kind of ignored her because I was in the heat of a game for $, but I could tell she wanted to talk to me. Later I would see her again and I clawed her in and whatnot. I was talking to her in her ear, and my buddy was like "I can't hear what you guys are talking about!!" and shit. Haha not hatin tho because I had been talking to him about game for a bit and walking around opening sets w/ him. He's def got an amazing amount of potential in this since he is just SO much about doing his own thing and having fun. He doesn't even know what he has. If we keep going out together tho he will.

Anyways, after we played pool the band started up and I went to go dance and enjoy myself on an empty dancefloor. I was doing my jump around like crazy and just do w/e thing, and there were a few girls that would dance near me to try and get my attention, but I was still doin my thing because it was fun and I feel it prolly woulda been chode to try and open in that situation.

I encountered A LOT of bitchiness tonight. For instance when I was dancing there was group of 3 girls behind me who apparently I had been bumping into accidently while I was dancing, and they were pissed at me. I mean cmon. Its a fucking dancefloor. If youre that upset about a little bit of bumping then go somewhere else. Im sure the senior citizens bar has open spots at it.

There was only one good set that I could remember, one of the 2 girls that kept dancing near me. I was talking to her for a bit and trying to claw and whatnot. I dont think that the claw was too bad here, but I feel like it had farr less success than I had with it in London. Not sure the reason exactly, but prolly if I just had more state it woulda worked out fine.

One girl who was really good looking imo had been trying to get my attention early on on the dancefloor. During the music I had messed up her hair and she would hit me and shit, and then we would go back to dancing and doing our own thing. During set break I tried to claw her in with a bad response and her just squirming away. But then later in the night I ran into her again and we had more playful hitting and whatnot, but again it went nowhere. Maybe she was just after validation from me. Its too bad that I dont remember really what happened in the second encounter.

Another instance of serious bitchiness was when I was walking by the bar with my buddy and he told me that he really liked some girls hair. So I poked her and told her that my buddy really liked her hair. I grazed her hair as she turned around, and it was just bitchiness from the start. And I was holding solid eye contact and doing nothing but saying like "No, but it looks good" with breaking rapport, but she would just respond "great, please don't touch it", which escalated to "just get the fuck out of my face". Hahah god damn, I've never had that response about someone's hair, and one of my favorite moves is to deliberately mess up a girls hair. I wonder what she would have done if I had done that to her...

Anyways, overall it was just fucking hard for me to feel comfortable for some reason, and a lot of what I was doing was bordering on chode. Like I remember clawing a girl in on the dance floor and just asking how she was doing. She would immediately try to escape. In the future I need to just worry about me having fun, since I really dont care how she is doing. And to honestly care how she is doing is just showing how much higher value I think she is, because I DEFINITELY dont care how someone is doing when they are clearly lower value. Next time I need to claw a girl in and use something like my "I am not good with women" opener, or the (in)famous "I like salad".

Anyways, this was def a different atmosphere of female energy than I have been used to experiencing in Europe. In Europe girls responded much more positively to anything that I did (granted Im only comparing that to one night out here).

But if the above line is true, maybe its because everybody is always traveling in Europe, so they have that "lets meet new ppl mindset" all the time. Maybe because they can instantly tell that Im the foreigner and they want to meet me. But again, I don't want to generalize from such a short pool of experiences, I just wanted to throw this down for my future reference.

But my next time out I just want to focus the most on feeling comfortable and worrying about nothing but my own fun and happiness, since that is of course more important than anything else.

Also looking forward to the week because I have some cool events planned that I found that should be fun, and a cool place to meet ppl. Rock on.

I just got back from my first poetry reading at Lark Tavern and it was definitely a cool time. I don’t think I really learned anything specific, but maybe not everything has to be a learning experience. Its like what Tolle was saying about stimulating the mind. Of course its not necessarily a bad thing, but I think that too much would definitely lead to a lack of presence.

I was listening to Tolle all day and was feeling great. I was listening to him on the way to Lark Tavern, but was still feeling a little nervous about going out, not as bad as Ive had it tho. So I suppose that is progress.

But one thing on me being nervous, I think that I just built up me being home way to much, like I would come home and go out and just have girls swarming me all the time. But these things take time, and you can’t necessarily be so aggressive. You need to calibrate when you should be and when you shouldn’t be. But I do believe that it is incredibly good to have something fun/good going on other than meeting girls. For example when I got there and sat down I realized that there was a girl sitting by herself at a table near me, and my instant thought was to go sit down there. One reason being all this mind clutter that I’ve been infected with about social proof at bars and 3 second rule and blah blah. But I knew that the show would start soon and so we wouldn’t be able to talk, nor should we be talking. It would show that I care more about her than the supposed reason that I was there, and I did actually want to see the poetry reading too.

So I just chilled and sipped my Jim Beam, and noticed another girl at a large table giving me eyes. The show started up shortly, and it was a cool time. Both girls that were eyeing me left mid-show, so my plan to talk to them afterwards went out the window. There were really no other prospects there. I flirted with the bartender a bit when I got my drink, and one of the waitresses was trying to not look my way but kept flipping her hair in front of me and shit.

After the show I just left because I wasn’t really sure about running hired gun game on ppl who were busy when I was just chilling by myself. Plus I will definitely be returning in the future, so I didn’t want to blow myself out and ruin a potentially good thing.

I thought about going somewhere after the show since it was still early, only 9. But I had no idea where to go in Albany on a Monday night, and I was assuming most places would be dead. And since its such a small city and there are only a certain number of bars I didn’t want to walk into a dead bar and blow myself out in bars that I would need to return to.

That’s obviously an excuse, and the big problem with that is that I was just focusing on the potential negative outcome of the situation. In the future I should be focusing on all the great things about the situation: I can just talk and chill and have normal conversation, I could have a great time and set myself up at the same bar in the future, I could potentially meet someone really cool and it could be easier in a lesser octane environment.

I just feel really weird approaching in a dead bar. Because everybody is always watching, but I guess if I do it and come across as a cool guy than it would be showing even more vale. Im not sure how I would approach either, but then again I prolly should be thinking about it beforehand. I overthink things wayy too much. Where’s my Tolle CD. hah

Went to go out to a salsa dancing night tonight. It was dead and I didn't want to pay the 5 dollar cover to go in. Every other bar that I looked at was also dead, so I didn't even go in anywhere.

This could easily be looked at as a failure, but one very positive thing about the night was that I hardly felt nervous at all driving down to the bars. I was listening to Tolle on the way down, and had been very present all day.

In fact the only times that I felt nervous on my drive were when I realized what I was doing and thought that maybe I SHOULD feel nervous. HAH. How ridiculous. My mind makes up scenarios in which I SHOULD feel nervous. Atleast thats a battle that I seem to be winning at the moment...

"this did help subside some of the nervousness that I would usually feel b4 going out alone, but it was still there. I have just decided that my goal for 2009 is to no longer feel nervous when going out."

I feel you buddy, this may or ,may not help, but I really can't get "rid" of being nervous, I just realize that the nerviousness is GOOD, it means I pushing past my comfort zone, when it really hits you, I get into state from the nervious engery. I keep saying to myself, it is madness, this is chaos, lets kill it.

"I start to think about possible things that I have done to make them not want to talk to me. While this may be important to consider, I am placing entirely way too much value on it."

yea man I do this to, mainly with girls though. Start to run thru the future projecting BULLSHIT ! one if the chicks I fclosed a few weeks ago, randomly has been not talking to me for five days, I was never even "into " her, but something inside of me is telling me to be side. I have to keep telling myself, this is bullshit, why the fuck are you sad, to snap out of it. Its a mother fucker, but remember what you can't control, fuck it.

"But the problem was that the enviornment was just soooo foreign to me. My mind would not let me access that cool part of my personality and go into state."

You know this already, but state is so in your head its not even funny. Just try to not care, truly not care, and BAM state.

"This start to makes me really uncomfortable since now both girls are wanting to dance with me. And that made ME uncomfortable? Stupid.'

Seems to happen to me to, I just continue to have fun, dance with BOTH of them, and as long as it seems " normal" to you, and no big deal, they easily follow along

"Also I noticed that when Im walking around with a purpose I find it so much easier to approach than if Im walking around with only the purpose of approaching. Not really sure the reason, maybe its because Im subconsciously afraid of showing too much interest by walking around only trying to pick up girls, or just the fact that Im doing nothing but that."

Most def, when I walk around and try to apporach, I NEVER do it, ever. when I am just doing whatever, and then I approach, it seems to go a hell of a lot better.

"Anyways we went to Ministry Sound, and it was a wild freakin time. Unfortunatley Im not too familar with the club scene (yet), but this one was really cool cuz it had 3 diff areas, one being a huge rave party."

SICK SICK SICK, man Ive heard about that place, club secne, esp with rave/ techno music is where I shine, I think its just beacuse I TRULY want to be there, and not just to pick up, then the picking up just kinda happens. Too bad there aren't any around me.

"I decided to try the one where you attach 3-4 straws together and then stand behind a girl and put it in her drink and try to steal some of her drink."
Lmao thats epic man ! btw do you drink when you go out? I started to, I used to not at all, just a buzz it seems to help me. Is it healthy in the long run, doubtfull but ohh well for now.

"I start going into future projection within 2 seconds of it I decide that I can't talk to her with us both leaning to be heard, so I drag her onto my couch. We have great body contact as I go through my "routine" and she is loving it. I do an almost kiss, but I don't remember who was the first to pull away. We go back to talking. A couple of minutes later I try another almost kiss. We hold it for a few seconds, and then I break and go in for the kiss. She pulls away and I just end up kissing her teeth. I joke with her about it, and she ends up coming in to give me a small kiss."

dude congrats, for real, look back on where you have come from, the BALLS to just lead the girl to the couch, most could never do. Not trying to stroke your ego, but its always good to realize progression.

"Shortly after that my girl mysteriously got really thirsty and needed to go get something to drink. Huh. Funny. "

HA YUPPPPPPP, this happens all the effing time, its so funny when it does too. I always so to the girl loud as hell, I"M DONE. They always say what, and I just go I'm done I lost you, bye bye and walk away. First I find it highly funny, and second I got pulled back once from doing it, the rest just thought I was werid, but I pretty much am :) Pretty sure the "im done" is from blueprint

"And it really blows my mind how so many guys go out and do nothing but stand at the bar and drink and talk only to each other.'
Right ! like dude it makes me smile and laugh so hard, not that I'm better then them, but how everyone, every dude in the club talks about chicks the ENTIRE time, but won't ever do shit, ever. Fuck most of the time I just stand there too, but its time to grow up, do work son, rocknroll

"I need to work on dancefloor game, if thats even important. This wasn't like a really high energy dancefloor so I couldnt really just get in her face and like immediately go for the make out or anything (who knows tho, since I didn't try). One thing that I did do good tho was pumping my own state on the dancefloor. I would just jump around and clap my hands and throw out a few screams."

I think its important, maybe not a great pickup tool. But to one, get over the fear of dancing infront of people ( ohh my god there watching me haha) and two I learned a few techno dance moves on youtube, I bust them out, really enjoy doing it, get into a killer state, and before you know it you are seeing and taking ( aka grabing the girls you like on the dance floor, like a little kid seeing a cookie and taking it) its nuts what you can do with the right state.

__________________

"At the end of your life what have you've got except memories? That's it. And then poof. You know, we're all just passing through. You really do have to be selfish. You really can't love anybody else unless you're Goddamn in love with yourself. Be delusional. Be really delusional. Consciously, I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but when I walk into a room I'm so convinced I'm good-looking that I *will* go home with your girlfriend. " Gene Simmons