The VPD expects the changeover to take about four years and anticipates the new fleet of Chargers will use 25 percent less fuel and emit 32 percent less pollution.

The new cruisers feature all the mod-cons including an idle-management program that runs the emergency lights and sirens but keeps engine idling down to a minimum, perfectly in keeping with Vancouver’s ambition to be an “idle-free city”.

And because today’s Vancouver drivers will stop for a coffee or to give each other the bird but many will not pull over to let emergency vehicle pass—possibly because they’re cocooned in their own beat box—the new VPD cruisers come equipped with a “rumbler” siren, which projects a deep baritone burst to “further gain attention at those critical moments”.

What the "F" was the emergency?

Oh right. The police were at the McDonald’s responding to a call about a fellow pushing and shoving a homeless person.

The homeless person in question—a McDonald’s manager pointed him out to me—is always so harmless and quiet (“studious” comes to mind).

I couldn’t imagine how he could cause offence, besides simply being a homeless person, which can be enough these days.

This fellow never talks and ceaselessly collects and cashes in bottles at whatever supermarket or liquor store he can.

Up and down West and East Broadway he goes. He appears to do this until he has enough money to buy a senior’s coffee at McDonald's, which he drinks while he reads and underlines passages in one book after another.