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Oh Sabine, thanks for the pep talk. I know this stuff and yet it helps so much to hear it from someone else - especially someone who is on the same journey! And sometimes the hugs are also just what the doctor ordered I am going to embrace this incomprehensible and at times frustrating journey and just keep on keeping on.

I DO feel so much better and my clothes are better than they were when I started out. I weighed this morning and despite my panic from yesterday I have lost another pound - only one but at least it is down - I was expecting up from the way I was feeling. And yes, I love the food I eat, I feel much better and the crap just has no attraction for me anymore. As my dear funny husband loves to say, "you can polish it all you want, but it is still a turd!" Well, that store bought crap may be highly polished, but it still feels like crap in my body. Not fooled anymore!

OK, today was again pretty miraculous. During Easter season it has always been impossible for me to not binge.... I would make all kinds of resolutions and within no time at all I would have started bingeing on some of the favourite candy's that you only see over Easter. I would go through many pounds of chocolates in the weeks preceding Easter and after would be the bonanza because the stuff would go on sale. I can scarcely believe that I can say in all honesty that I have not had a single one of the old favourites. I even had some stashed in my dresser for weeks and never even felt tempted!!! Today I had 3 squares of dark chocolate - really enjoyed them and savoured them, but three really was one too many. The last one was not as nice, because I had had enough. It is incredible to me to be able to look at chocolates that have singlehandedly brought me to my knees on a myriad of occasions and not even salivate! I am in awe! I just ate 'normally' today.

Breakfast: We had a late brunch of bacon and eggs and I had half an orange as a treat. Black tea with cream and stevia. 3 squares of dark chocolate
Dinner: Pot roast beef, artichoke with garlic butter, salad with homemade dressing, berries and cream. An absolute feast - more than I would have usually eaten, but I had planned on celebrating today as Easter is really special for our family. I just did it with good healthy food.

Today is truly a major breakthrough for me emotionally, as I see real evidence of being free from the chocolate/sugar siren song that has devastated me for so many years. If I can go through Easter without falling off the wagon, there is indeed hope for me yet! Had a lovely day - beautiful spring weather and the kids had a blast hunting for their eggs. (I, of course, got carried away with my hiding and there is a lonely egg out there waiting for Wiley Coyote to come by for dessert) I clean forgot about the quarters in the eggs as we actually had plenty of stuff for them. We also included a little treasure hunt as an aside too where they had to follow a few simple clues to find the Easter basket and a little gift we had hidden away I think DH and I had as much fun as the kids.

My son asked me yesterday if he could get a loaf of bread for Christmas - poor kid I felt kind of bad for him. He has always eaten so much bread and has given it up without even a single complaint (which I think is amazing for a 6 year old!) But we did explain the whole rationale behind it and he understands to a point. I was telling him that I think he might find he doesn't like it so much then and that his body may not enjoy it either. I know there is going to be loads of bread at our family reunion in August and I am sure the kids will have some, I am not going to forbid them. But, hopefully they will take note of the effects it has on their bodies.

I have been thinking about the ways I can fine tune without overwhelming myself. I have decided to just go with one cup of tea in the morning and make it a good one (one less shot of HWC), I am going to cut out the greek yoghurt as much as possible too, it just isn't satisfying and apparently the dairy of that type is not the best for fat loss. Otherwise I think I am doing ok.... just need more sleep and definitely more exercise. As of tomorrow I am going to be getting lots of exercise as I will be doing the backyard as I mentioned. However I do want to try to be more on track with the 'program' if you can even call it that. I have also found a spot in the backyard that is relatively private where I am going to try and take the time to sunbathe often. At the moment I am lily white with purple/red polka dots (the DSAP) and it really looks nasty! Shall have to take a few pictures now as I am hoping that in a few months time we might actually be able to see an improvement.

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Hi Coll! How's your DD doing? Did her immune system beat the sickness? Hope so! Your Easter sounds fabulous! The tradition here is that you hide chocolate eggs, but we went on a different egg hunt yesterday.. hunting for the vending machine with eggs! There's a lot of chicken farms here (there's even a chicken named after this part of Holland: The Barnevelder) and we read that there were several vending machines with eggs (daily fresh, biological free roaming chicken eggs). So we went hunting for eggs! Found them! Only 1,30/10 so really cheap! I'm trying to make a poached egg today. Not sure what to put it on, maybe a salad?

Aunt flo has got more impact on a body than you'd think, doesn't she? I always gain a kilo with my egg, that keeps, then another kilo at flo, but in that week I do lose both of them. (plus more, sometimes )

I'm pretty sure your plateau came from the lack of sleep last week. You'll be down more soon!
And otherwise: if you plateau, you give your skin time to get back in place. No saggy skin for you!

Is your husband off today? I'm so happy the business is picking up! Hope you can save up for a half a cow soon!

Enjoy the rest of Easter!
x

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Hi Shamia, yes DD beat the cold. Never got a fever and had only a slightly scratchy throat and a tiny sniffle for a few days too. DH had the day off which was lovely. We love hanging out together as a family ... nothing better And I have high hopes for a side of beef in the next season!

Well, I had a lovely sleep last night - no-one woke me up and I got to bed at a good time and slept right through to about 6:45! So I weighed myself (Aunt Flo forgot her heaviest bag and seems she came back during the night to pick up the last one) and I dropped down to 203.5lbs!! Yippeeee! I got on the scale 4 times because I was sure it was wrong - but same each time.

Yesterday I felt tired and unmotivated to do anything much - so I washed dishes, did laundry and lay on my bed and read books! I just figured I needed a very slow day. Today I am feeling much more energetic and am looking forward to going this afternoon to pick out a wheelbarrow to haul soil in This should be fun, the kids love to help mommy so I will have the two of them with their little people shovels helping me load the soil into the wheelbarrow - or their own kid sized one They just love to be useful and help us - it is very heartwarming seeing these two cuties working away next to us. Then before you know it they'll be playing with the chickens or climbing the tree, moving small rocks around to fit the imaginary game of the moment. Kids are such a joy (and a challenge too!)

Yesterday was not a very good day as far as how I ate. Nothing particularly bad - just didn't feel satisfied and then snacked which I don't like to do - too much like the old days of eating junk. I had quite a lot of nuts yesterday - haven't had many nuts for a while and then felt too lazy to make myself breakfast and so had a nice selection of raw nuts (macadamias, pecans, almonds, cashews, filberts) Had about 5 squares of dark chocolate over the course of the day. My usual cup of black tea. A can of kippered herrings, a handful of baby carrots, a piece of apple (1/8) and a tiny wedge of tangerine. Dinner was a burger patty wrapped in lettuce and a bowl of berries and cream. As you can tell ... not exactly overflowing in inspiration or energy! It was low key foraging with emphasis on convenience

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Pretty good day, didn't get much exercise aside from moving slowly most of the day. BUT, I did lie in the sun for a while with the kids while we read a story together. It was nice to feel the sun on my skin! I actually fit into my XL two piece swim suit, not for public display but at home with the kids and hidden behind the shed and chickens I was good Yeeeehaaa!

Shamia, I know the Barnevelder chickens I was really interested in getting some but the one's over here are not good layers and I ended up deciding to go with a different breed. It is very difficult to get breeding stock from another country - VERY expensive to go through all the customs stuff! I wish I could see some of the ones you have there - they are beautiful birds.

I was thrilled today as our favourite little bantam pullet laid her first blue egg!!!! Gorgeous! I knew she was going to start laying any day as the cockerel has started mating with her and they don't bother until the female is fertile. She has been in and out of the nesting box for days and at last today a stunning pastel blue egg! Kids are thrilled too - we haven't had one of the blue egg layers before - always brown or light. If my incubator hadn't messed me up last fall I would have had a whole flock of little blue egg layers. Oh well, I will just have to get some more Ameraucana's when we get full size laying hens

We headed out this afternoon and splurged on a lovely wheelbarrow. We left our other one just like this in SC when we moved last year. It is one with the double wheels and an 8 cu foot tub. Awesome for moving soil, mixing soil, moving a couple of hay bales etc etc! You can load both of our kids with plenty space to spare! I LOVE the double wheels! So much more stability - I have moved a lot of dirt with one of these, and even with a big load you don't have to balance it, just lift and push. My dad was watching me one day as I shoveled the wheelbarrow full and said, " there is no way you'll be able to move that!" Needless to say his mouth was hanging open as I pushed it over to the spot I needed it I may be fat but I am still pretty strong and the design really does help. Otherwise I think the load would have dumped me in a heartbeat as I went over the bumps etc.

So, tomorrow I start with filling in holes in the yard. Going to go to the local feed store and see if they have some decent grass for me to seed with. The lilacs are starting to open up their blossoms and I am loving it! The whole trailer is lined with lilacs ... we are going to have some lovely scents to mask the odour of dog that has returned with a vengeance in the warmer weather.

DS got pecked in the eye by one of the young chickens! Honestly, there is never a dull moment in this house! I have been watching it and have been putting a natural antibiotic in there, it seems to be ok. Will check tomorrow and hopefully it has cleared up totally - otherwise may have to take him in to see an eye doc. He hasn't had any pain from it, but it is a little pink. I hate eye stuff - got to be so careful!

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Busy day today and I am pooped this evening. Got to go shopping on my own this morning as DH had nothing on this morning and could stay home with the kids. It is amazing how nice it is to just go and run errands on my own. Amazing how efficiently one can get things done when you don't have anyone else to take care of

I worked in the garden this afternoon with the kids. Heavy digging with a fork, digging up rocks and grass clumps and irises. Did this for a few hours. The kids had a blast - we found 33 grubs that they got to feed to the chickens, and they were in the dirt with me the whole time. Chattering away and laughing and feeling like they were being really helpful. Great company and it kept me going a lot longer than I would have otherwise. My back and butt are rather stiff and sore this evening Ended up not moving soil today as it rained last night and part of today and there is no way I am going to shovel wet soil - it is heavy enough without that! I did repot some pansies that we bought yesterday as well as some herbs that I got at the same time. Found some grass seed for the bare spots in the backyard and hopefully it doesn't have anything in that will upset the chickens.

Our dog was fussing this afternoon late while I was making dinner so I opened the front door to see if there was anything out there. There was a red fox about 3 yards from the door! It just nonchalantly trotted across the yard, slipped through or over the fence into the east pasture and then waited next to the road for a car to go by and then trotted into the 'yard' across the street. When I say 'yard' it is not your typical urban yard - pretty rural and open. It was quite a thrill to see it so close and so clearly. Of course there is always the other side of that kind of thrill that says, "Hope your predator proofing is up to scratch or you'll be feeding the local wildlife!!"

Dinner was pretty odd as we had to run off to town to go and watch a raptor educational program. They have them once a month at the libraries and are very interesting. They bring some of the raptors that have been unable to return to the wild and you get to see these beautiful birds up close and personal! Such a fun part of school for the kids They don't even realise it is school - best kind sometimes. So we ate sausage and apple slices and nuts on the way over (about 40 minute drive) It felt so good to sit down after being so energetic all afternoon.

I don't think I drank enough today though. In fact I know I didn't - end up drinking a bunch in the evening and of course that ends up affecting my sleep. The kids passed out in record time this evening and I am not far behind them.

I do find that some days I get too caught up in what I am doing and don't really plan very well what we are going to eat. It helps if I have leftovers. Some days I am not sure what to do about lunch... I feel as though I shouldn't eat and yet I feel a little hungry and if I am going to be exerting myself physically I figure I better eat. Today, I had to stop work from time to time as I felt dizzy and winded. That is when I came in and got myself a date roll and a square of chocolate - that seemed to help me for a while.

Oh well, the journey continues and sometimes I feel so clueless, just flying by the seat of my pants half the time ... sleep well ladies, I am off to shower and hit the sack.

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How wonderful to have a red fox in your backyard. I have only seen one once in my life. They were ripping up a swathe of scrub for a new tollway and disturbing a lot of wildlife. As I was going along the frontage road, there it was, trotting across a bare patch. Just beautiful.

Yay for leftovers! Right now we have some pot roast, stir-fry chicken and veg, and broccoli with lives. It is nice to know there is something healthy available anytime.

Was not feeling the greatest today, tired and that always means I graze too much! I shouldn't have had lunch - really wasn't hungry but seeing the kids having a lovely picnic I joined in. We took a bike ride up to the lake and had a picnic next to the river. Perfect spring day, blossoms everywhere, trees just barely starting to green up, birds singing and very busy all around us, the river is rising now that the snow is melting and the kids are just thrilled to watch how it changes every time we go. During the winter the water was barely even running - many places it disappeared under rocks and appeared to be dry. Then we had a blast one day wading across the river to go and look at one of the cliff faces. Today, there is no way we could have crossed as the water has risen a lot and is running fast. I got a fair amount of sun this afternoon - my shoulders are ever so slightly pink, as are my legs. Such fun to poke around in the shallows looking for pretty rocks ... the kids picked up tons of rocks and then went through them all to decide which ones they would cart home in their backpacks. DD lugged an 8.5lb rock home!!! I was waiting for her backpack straps to break - but the only casualty was her glass water bottle that came off second best. I just didn't think of padding it with something so we got home to find that the glass had cracked and broken sad girl.

So the slow bike ride was part of my exercise today. The other bit was having to deal with mouse poop in my kitchen drawers!!!!!! There is nothing that gets me as riled up as mice pooping all over my utensils .... I could commit dastardly deeds without a second thought if I found the culprit. We can't figure out where the darn critters are getting in! DH pulled the place apart this evening trying to figure out where they are getting in. When we first moved in the place was covered in a layer of mouse poop and the renters had never done anything to close up the entry points!! Couldn't believe the mess! We spent the first few days vacuuming poop and wiping down everything, and DH was crawling around sealing up every hole he could find - just love that spray foam stuff! The previous renters dogs look like they chewed the bottom of the storm door - guessing that could be the latest mouse highway. Now that the weather is nice I have the front door open and just the storm door closed so I can get air movement. Now that I look at it, about 5 mice could stroll through at the same time! Mmmm, we'll see what DH comes up with to sort it out.

Tomorrow I am going to attack the 'rock' garden again and see if I can finish digging up all the rocks and weeds and cacti. I need to replant the irises I am digging up. And the new wheelbarrow will come in very useful in carting all the small rocks away And I also need to get going on some loads of soil for the backyard. I hope I can get a bunch of it done tomorrow... but I am not in the best condition, so will have to pace myself.

I have been reading the PB 21 day transformation and it is inspiring me all over again. I need to get more sleep - I was doing well until DS got sick and I just haven't gotten back into a good routine since then ... DH is a night owl and I am not - but if he is up and busy with stuff I tend to get sidetracked into doing stuff and then next time I look at the clock it is late, again! Tonight am going to get into bed nice and 'early' and try to get a good nights sleep. I know that has a huge impact on my day and my emotional state as well. I felt kind of down and dispirited today ... hopefully I am more upbeat tomorrow.

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Hey you busy bee! Sounds like you've been up to some cool stuff over there! Wading rivers, hauling rocks. I'm sorry the bottle broke, was she really attached to it? Maybe you can find her a camelback type water bottle/sack? we've got a couple of sacks that hold about 16 oz of water. So easy, if they're empty, they roll up to nothing.

How the bantam been? Another blue egg already? The fox sounds amazing too! Just not in combination with the bantams

Sleep works miracles for me as well, but, like you, I've got to make myself slow down 2 hours before bed, and then go to bed in time. Seems there's always something there to distract me. Bit of washing to do, oooooh, look! Cool magazine, hey, I got to google this.. hmm..shiney websites.... a bit of cleaning up.. and there you have it, past midnight again! Not sure who that is that keeps forwarding the clocks..but if I ever get a hold of him? He's toast! And I do not like toast!

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Ok, another day down in this tiny 'town'. The last few days my weight has been up to 205 ... not worried about it, just interested as I have not been eating badly and I have been exercising - maybe too much actually. Today the kids and I headed out to the 'rock garden' for a couple more hours and then I headed in at about 11:15 to make myself some 'breakfast'.
Breakfast: Not hungry, lemon juice and stevia in water while working
Lunch: omlette with onion, spinach and bacon, cheddar cheese too, 2 squares of dark chocolate. Black tea with cream and stevia
Snack: Macadamia nuts
Dinner: Org Grassfed ribeye steak Sauteed cabbage and onion and mushrooms, garlic butter on top. Bowl of berries and half a banana with cream.

After lunch I headed out again to the garden and did some more. I think only one more stint and I will be done prepping the bed for flowers etc. This turned into a huge job, there is a reason the mountains are called the Rockies!! Whew, this has been heavy work indeed and I think I have been overdoing it... I find myself getting dizzy and then when I came inside I was exhausted and felt nauseated. I had to go and lie down for about 45 minutes before I felt better, feel fine now after dinner. I just love being out there digging in the dirt. It is so cool watching the piles of stones and rocks growing and the garden getting clearer. I really need a better way of pacing myself. I tend to just keep pushing until I have accomplished my goal - not very good at listening to my body on this level.

I finished reading the PB 21 day transformation book today. I really want to copy the challenges at the back and work my way through those. I know that my days with the book are numbered as there is someone else waiting for the book - no renewals on this one. I would really like to own this at some point - it would be great to be able to lend it to my folks. I know my mom is interested (though sceptical) and both my parents have some issues that would definitely be helped by a primal lifestyle. Mom has type II diabetes and high blood pressure, high cholestrol and a lot of inflammatory issues (including IBS) and the same autoimmune disease that I have, and my Dad is struggling with blood pressure and joint pain and autoimmune stuff too. It would be so awesome to get them on board. But I first need to walk the walk so they can see it really works. I have done too many failed efforts at losing weight and trying to be healthy for me to be a particularly inspiring advocate of another health fling. They really need to see me slim and healthy before it is going to be believable.

On a positive note here, my pants that I took my before pictures in, are so loose I have to wear my belt with them. They are drawstring pants, but the drawstring is not enough anymore. My weight loss is slow but I do feel that inches are quietly vanishing. Will have to measure myself again one of these days. DD says I look just perfect now and I must not lose any more weight because she likes me just as I am! Funny girl But it does make me feel better, glad she doesn't think I am the ugliest mom on the planet! I used to worry about that, that my kids would be embarrassed to be around me in public because I looked so big. I am looking forward to being able to play more physical games with my kids. A little dream - for our family to play hackey sack together ... sounds kind of silly, but I used to have so much fun with this and have so many good memories from places all over the globe. Travelling across China and Tibet by bus and playing hackey sack with friends at stops along the way, a lot of memories from when I was a lot slimmer and very into sport and physical activity. It has been a long time, but I am not giving up until I can run next to a horse in an endurance race again if I want to. I have always loved being outside and on the go physically ....

Oh well, goodnight all. Sweet dreams and may you all wake up refreshed and ready for a fun weekend!

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I have had a few hard days. Not too sure why, just feeling a bit down and unmotivated and hopeless. I have been trying to regain my perspective and remember that I have already lost a bunch of weight, and I am feeling better (even on a bad day) than I ever did on SAD.

Yesterday I had brusselsprouts again for dinner. I made a point of taking an even smaller helping, chewing really well, and it wasn't as bad but I still got stomach ache and bloating. Now, however, I am not 100% sure that it was the brusselsprouts as I had a lot of nuts (again) and even quite a bit of cheese - raw but not particularly aged. So, I really don't know if it was the sprouts or the overindulging in the other things that caused my stomach to feel upset. I guess the next time I have them I need to be sure that I have not been overdoing other stuff first. I want to know if they need to be avoided. Not doing too well on my research there huh!?

Today, didn't do much. Nasty weather - very windy, rain, snow, hail all mixed up together! Felt tired - up late again last night. I am doing SO badly with getting to bed on time. I have fallen off the sleep wagon quite thoroughly! I wonder if that is what has me feeling tired and low, mmmm, kind of silly if I look at it like that huh? I have been feeling like I am missing some nutrient, maybe it is the sleep one! I have been cruising for food, fortunately there is only primal food here so I haven't been eating crap (correction - the kids have Easter chocolate around but I don't want it, not what I am looking for!) I really think that the sleep is part of the missing link for me! Only as I have been writing this does it seem clearer. I am going to really try and make an effort to be in bed before 10:30 tonight and then work the time back a bit at a time until I am going to sleep much earlier. As a kid I used to be in bed by 8 pm and then up with the dawn and I felt great. Even before I got married I would wake up at about 5 am everyday, and to sleep by 9pm every night. I had loads of energy even though I had a bad diet. I know I am a person who needs more sleep, always have. However, I do find that if I go to bed before DH (most of the time) I will fall asleep immediately. BUT, when he comes to bed I almost always startle awake and then can't get back to sleep! Drives me crazy! And he is not noisy at all - I am just hyper sensitive to the slightest noise or movement or glimpse of light. Sometimes I wonder if it is all the years of night duty that has affected me and then of course the kids. But I think that if I just make an effort to get to bed about the same time every night hopefully my body will settle into a better rhythm. I do find that taking a melatonin helps me when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. But, I don't like to have to take them so much.

I want to try and track every amount of everything I eat tomorrow and get a feel for whether I am doing ok for macronutrients etc. I don't have a great example to model how much of each I should be getting and how much I am actually getting. This is for me to try and get a realistic picture of how much I am taking in and where I need to tweak my portions. Be interesting to see.

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Hi Coll, I hope you're having a good night of sleep and feel rested and energized today! I know that sleep deprivation made me crave (sweet and greasy junk) foods, so not getting enough sleep might indeed be causing your cravings.

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Hi Candy, thanks for dropping in I did sleep better last night - not early enough, but I slept the whole way through with no interruptions and woke up as the sun was rising. Am aiming for an even earlier night tonight.

I said I was going to measure and weigh everything I ate today but it was a rather crazy day with no time for anything like that. So just ate normally and will try to do the food journal tomorrow. I ended up running up to the mountains to buy a used dog run (for our chickens) My daughter and I went and our son went with Daddy today. It was so much easier just having one kid to deal with. And they missed each other and are playing beautifully now Such stunning scenery today - the lake looked like a fairyland this morning! DD was in raptures over the scenes we passed.

DS, who is a SUPER picky eater devoured 1 1/2 slices of the meatloaf and declared that it was the best thing I have ever made! Please make it again mom! I nearly had to pick myself up off the floor I was so shocked! Thrilled too! I have been just about tearing my hair out trying to figure out what to feed the boy! The nice thing is that I can get various veggies into him without any fuss either! WOW, that was a breakthrough! Many times he will start to cry at dinner time because he hates the food... he would have happily eaten toasted Ezekiel bread for every meal if I had allowed it. But, he is starting to change. He had a boiled egg and some sardines for breakfast! He is eating a lot more protein than he did before and really enjoys a slice of butter with his salad.

Poor DD, has had an issue with constipation since I introduced her to solid foods! It was really bad today again and I find myself desperate to try and figure out what the cause and cure are. I have a hard time getting her to drink enough water - one of those areas that have turned into a minefield, but she drinks more than a lot of kids do nonetheless. She likes veggies and loves the primal way of eating. Just wondering what I can do to help the BM to settle down for her...

Not much exercise at all today. Lots of driving with a few minutes break to load the dog run and a couple of stops on the way home. Tomorrow am hoping to get finished with that rebellious 'rock' garden! I also have to get going on filling in the bare patches in the backyard.