Joe Bidet drums up votes in Sin City

Former Vice-President “Papa Joe” Bidet, mindful of the 2020 general election, visited Nevada to stake his future presidential bid on getting out the vote among illegal aliens, Antifa “protesters,” MS-13 gang members, and other “non-deplorables.”

Although Bidet hails from Scranton, Pennsylvania, and now resides in Bewilderment, Delaware, where he has lived since abandoning his hometown, he claimed to know more about Nevada than “anyplace else, except, well, certain bordellos.”

According to Bidet, President “Trump is all about the Republicans and himself,” whereas Bidet is “all about the Democrats and myself.”

He urged union members to “remember you're Teamsters, and the Teamsters take a dim view of anyone who's Republican, libertarian, or Independent.”

Cheers erupted from a group of scowling men in cheap suits with suspicious bulges beneath their armpits that made some in attendance wonder whether the men were “packing heat.”

“You don't want to see the mob—I mean, the Teamsters' bosses—pissed off,” Bidet warned the crowd of listeners whom the union had bused in expressly for his speech. “They're a thousand times worse than Antifa and MS-13 combined. Just ask Jimmy Hoffa, if you can find him.”

Former president Osama Hussein Obummer will visit the state later to remind his former constituents that “the new Black Panthers also take a dim view of people who don't toe the party line—and, by that," Obummer explained, "I mean the Democratic Party line.”

Bidet's speech was considered successful.

“A lot of union members were visibly shaken after hearing his address,” a man who gave his name as Guido “The Arm-Twister” Gotti-Lucchese said. “Papa Joe has a lot of butt buddies in Sin City.”

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