A New Jersey democrat is using her political muscle to force citizens across the state to register their bicycles with the Division of Motor Vehicles. The ridiculous maneuver would help the state offset its $10 billion budget deficit by enforcing a $10 per license plate fee and fines up to $100 for those, including children, caught riding unregistered bikes.

Assemblywoman Cleopatra Tucker (D-Essex) said balancing the state’s budget isn’t her motivation for the outlandish proposal; it’s protecting senior citizens from getting run over by kids on bikes.

Affixing license plates to every bicycle in the state would help these vulnerable senior citizens identify and rattle off the license plate numbers from the kids’ bikes to the police, ensuring the rascals are brought to justice, says Tucker.

Tucker’s proposal has been met with opposition by a diverse group of interests including bicyclists, environmentalists, business owners and even her own colleagues in the State House.

“That’s an outrage, for sure,” said Paige Hiemier, vice-president of the New Jersey Bike & Walk Coalition. “Basically, it’s outrageous for a number of reasons, and most of them are: Who is the legislation aimed at? Who’s going to administer it? How are they going to pay for it? Who’s going to stop the bicyclists and check their registration?”

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Just when you thought catching terrorists, drug smugglers and illegal alien invaders were among the top priorities of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agency, there comes news from the Canadian border that agents have also been tasked with confiscating kids’ contraband candy.

Linda Bird, a Canadian woman who recently attempted enter the U.S., was stunned when CBP agents seized a $2 chocolate egg that has been deemed a “choking hazard” by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The confection marketed towards children is commonly know across the globe as a “Kinder Surprise,” and contains a small toy safely embedded inside a chocolate covered plastic shell.

Canadian health officials have repeatedly said they are not concerned about the potential for youngsters to choke on the tiny toys hidden inside the eggs because the plastic shells are difficult for children of any age to open, especially toddlers that simply do not have the manual dexterity required.

Across the border in the Nanny States of America, the FDA and CBP remain committed to ensuring that contraband candy eggs never infiltrate our nation’s northern border and needlessly put a single American child’s life at risk.

“The U.S. takes catching illegal Kinder candy seriously, judging by the number of them they’ve confiscated in the last year,” reports the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC). “Officials said they’ve seized more than 25,000 of the treats in 2,000 separate seizures.”

International confectioner, Ferrero, introduced the Kinder Surprise in 1974, and since then, more than 30 billion eggs have safely been devoured by children across the globe. In fact, Ferrero notes on its website that it has taken extra precautions to ensure that “Kinder Surprise toys are designed and developed with safety in mind, rigorously observing international regulations as well as extra safety criteria voluntarily adopted by the Ferrero Group.”

Despite a thriving global market for a seemingly innocent and safe confection that has yet to be threatened with extinction by a frivolous class action lawsuit in any nation, the Kinder Surprise remains on the CBP’s list of items that, if found being smuggled in to the U.S., could result in a $300 fine and legal headaches.

Accused Kinder Surprise ‘smuggler,’ Bird, said she recently received a “seven-page letter” from the U.S. government asking her to “formally authorize the destruction of her seized Kinder egg” or pay $250 for it to be put in storage while legal matters are pursued.

“I thought it was a joke,” Bird said. “I had to read it twice. But they are serious.”

Do you support CBP’s silent crackdown on contraband candy or prefer they stick to performing the agency’s “priority mission of keeping terrorists and their weapons out of the U.S.?”

It looks like motorists in Tacoma, Wash., have a tough dilemma on their hands. Do they respect the parking laws of the city or the wishes of Subway?

“I’m wondering if Subway is sending these out and trying to override municipal parking regulations all across the nation,” asks ‘Justin,’ who submitted the image of dueling parking signs to Consumerist.com.

Las Vegas police say comatose Takara Davis must be in court on March 6 to face charges of jaywalking. We say, "Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Takara!"

There are no limitations as to how far nanny state bureaucrats will go to enforce some of their most nonsensical laws. Case in point: Las Vegas police last week hand-delivered a jaywalking ticket to a comatose 13-year-old girl because it seems that justice needed to be served immediately for this heinous crime.

“[The police officer] said, ‘Takara was jaywalking. She has got to go to court on March 6th,'” said Takara Davis’ mother, Kellie Obong. “If she was jaywalking, then she was jaywalking. But maybe you give it to me at a later time. Don’t give it to me when they are rushing her into the operating room.”

The Metropolitan Police Department issued a press statement justifying the jaywalking citation and the manner in which it was handled, completely discounting the family’s emotional state as young Takara clings to life:

“Our officers conduct themselves in a professional and compassionate way. We wouldn’t do anything deliberately insensitive.”

Does anyone else find it hard to believe that one of the most pressing issues for Las Vegas cops these days is to hassle comatose teenagers over petty jaywalking violations? Share your thoughts with Las Vegas’ finest morons:

J.Z. Zandi and his mom want the court to forbid high school students, including athletes, from using spray deodorants. That stinks!

Claiming his severe allergic reaction to “scented sprays” is life-threatening, a high school student is hoping a judge will force fellow students to stop wearing perfumes, colognes and even deodorants. Allergists say seventeen-year-old J.Z. Zandi’s condition is so rare that it smells fishy.

Zandi’s mother, Janice, said she is pursuing an Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) claim against Fort Wayne Community High Schools in Indiana. She said school officials refuse to take her son’s ‘doctor-verified’ condition seriously and still allow the use of “sprayed scents” in the building, despite J.Z.’s allegedly life-threatening condition.

“[T]his is not a true allergy,” Dr. Wesley Burkes, chief of Pediatric Allergy and Immunology at Duke University Medical Center told ABC News. Several allergists confirmed that they, too, had never heard of an actual allergy to sprayed scents.

“I know of no documentation that they cause actual primary allergic reactions,” said Dr. Miles Weinberger, director of Pediatric Allergy and Pulmonary Division at the University of Iowa. “It especially doesn’t sound credible for [an] allergy that various different odors, sprays, and scents have triggered the reaction.”

Zandi’s mother is trying to make the legal case that her son’s medically documented ‘allergic’ reaction to sprayed scents qualifies as a “disability” requiring special protection under the ADA aka “Americans with Back Pain Act.” Anything less than a total ban on sprayed scents in school, she says, puts her son’s life at risk.

“You have to help accommodate, help them attend school instead of banning altogether because there are too many products people are allergic to,” Burkes said. He noted that banning sprayed scents would “open up too many possible allergens to cumbersome restrictions.”

Weinberger contends that J.Z.’s problem just might be a psychosomatic illness. He said it is possible for “child to be having a psychological response with vocal cord dysfunction [instead of a true allergic reaction] … Never underestimate the power of mind-body interactions,” he warned.

What are your thoughts about this boy’s mysterious illness and his mother’s pursuit of legal action to prohibit hundreds of students from wearing perfumes, colognes and deodorants?

Is using the justice system to force the majority to accommodate a single student with a questionable ‘illness’ the new ‘American Way?’ If won, allergists warned ABC News that the Zandis’ case could open up “broader interpretation” of the ADA that civil libertarians say is “a coercive and fabulously expensive government venture into what ought to be private decision-making.”

A doctors’ group is scheming to fundamentally change the way high school football is played in New Jersey. They claim kickoffs are “the scariest part of the game” and must be banned immediately.

The Medical Society of New Jersey’s Committee on Medical Aspects of Sports will announce today their plot to spike kickoffs in high school football games played statewide, reports NorthJersey.com’s Darren Cooper. It is anticipated that the doctors will suggest teams start possessions at the 20 or 25-yard line so no bodies collide on returns.

“The kickoff is the scariest part of the game,” said committee chairman Dr. Vin McInerney. “It’s just not right and it doesn’t make sense anymore … Two teams are coming at one another full force like gladiators.”

Coaches across the state say they’re not convinced that eliminating kickoffs is going to reduce injuries and increase the safety of this full-contact sport that comes with its share of risks.

“I think if you do that, they have to eliminate punts as well and then you’ve really altered the game,” said Wayne Hills coach Chris Olsen. “I know people are trying to look for an answer for all the injuries, but I would hate to see them alter the rules of the game to that effect.”

Don Bosco coach Greg Toal acknowledged kickoffs are brutal, but says eliminating them isn’t the answer, especially when the same types of injuries “can happen on a defensive back trying to tackle a running back.”

At least one congressman and one former NFL player are expected to cheer on the anti-kickoff contingency today as they lobby state officials to make high school football less of a full-contact sport.

Ticked-off about quacks and bureaucrats trying to make football a kinder and gentler sport? Here are a few folks to contact:

Rep. Bill Pascrell Jr. (D-N.J.) – He is expected to attend the meeting today and lend his support to the doctors’ assault on high school football.Email:http://pascrell.house.gov/contact/Tel: (973) 523-5152 – Main District Office
(202) 225-5751 – D.C.