Nihil was the one who took my meatface away (I think) so he's special to me.

YOU HEAR THAT NIHIL? YOU SPECIAL.

I know, boo. I know.

Originally Posted by BrowneyeWinkin

Really dude? You're going to pull this shit with me in this thread too? I don't expect anyone to understand how I feel so spare me the fucking ridicule. God forbid I be allowed to mourn without someone treating it like a call for an argument.

Or your guys could just shit on me some more. I'm sorry that my honest feelings worry you but that's how I feel. I didn't share them so that they could be understood. Clearly they can't be since the only justification you people can comprehend is that my life must be shit. Fuck you. I'm sharing for myself so that I can start to move on. I'm not refuting anything that you guys are saying apart from the personal attacks so stop trying to rationalize with me. That's not how love works. And I mean love in the truest sense of the word.

I will not fuck off in a box, I will not fuck off with a fox, I will not fuck off in a tree, I will not fuck off while you pee, I will not fuck off in my house, I will not fuck off (I'm your spouse), I will not fuck off, not gonna lie. I will not fuck off sweetest Brownpie.

Nobody attacked you browneye. Everybody acknowledged that you're sad. Everybody wants to understand why because that's how we are. It's fine that we want to know, and it's fine if you can't or don't want to tell us. Please don't antagonize us, we try to be here for you.

Or your guys could just shit on me some more. I'm sorry that my honest feelings worry you but that's how I feel. I didn't share them so that they could be understood. Clearly they can't be since the only justification you people can comprehend is that my life must be shit. Fuck you. I'm sharing for myself so that I can start to move on. I'm not refuting anything that you guys are saying apart from the personal attacks so stop trying to rationalize with me. That's not how love works. And I mean love in the truest sense of the word.

I love Destructoid. I am sad. Kindly fuck off.

Funny. You say you didn't share your feelings so they could be understood, but after this post you made, I think I do understand. At least, to some degree.

I'm not sure what the right choice of words here would be. I'd like to say I empathize, but I'm afraid I don't love Destructoid on the level that you seem to. So...I feel for you?

Time for me to make a depression thread post myself. This 'ought to be fun (as usual). I feel like putting this out there might help, though. And maybe it will help some people understand how my mind has been working a bit better.

Okay, so let me start off with saying something that I don't think I've ever told anyone. This may come as a surprise or it may not. I don't know. I have an inferiority complex. A fairly bad one. I don't know when it started, but I'm willing to bet that it developed sometime throughout Middle School and High School. That sounds about right. Unsurprisingly, this creeped its way into multiple aspects of my life. Although not necessarily in bad ways. For instance, I think my high grades in school can be attributed in part to this complex.

But anyways, you've probably guessed that I'm not here to talk academics. I'm here to talk about the social.

Normally I do a pretty decent job (I think) keeping this complex in check in my social life. Heck, the fact that I survived Middle School and High School is a testament to that. I found a way to deal with it.

Okay, now I'm going to go (seemingly) off-topic for a second. Someone told me fairly recently that they felt like I look down on them. I denied it, but thinking about it, this might have been a rather perceptive remark. I think I do subconsciously act superior at times (which isn't easy to admit, believe me). Because what's the opposite of being inferior? Being superior. That's not to say that I try or want to act that way. It think it just sort slips into my personality sometimes to make me feel better about myself.

I think with that, I've become a leader of sorts. Thinking about it, back in Middle School and High School I was the "leader" of my group of friends. Or at least, in my mind I was. And you know what? That mindset carried over here to the Destructoid Forums. Not in regards to the whole forums. But in regards to the Tunnel Snakes (which refers to myself, Firion, Browneye, and Lion). I think between being the only really regular streamer for a long time (which I took as kicking off streaming in the community) and kicking off the anime watching thing (with Firion)-among perhaps a few other things-I had myself convinced that I was the unspoken leader of the Tunnel Snakes.

Then this summer rolled around.

Things changed this summer. Or at least, it felt like a lot of things changed this summer. Streaming was no longer a regular thing (don't even ask me for the specifics on that). Anime watching, which was once an almost daily thing, fell off. Although now it's back (though it's now much more of a spontaneous thing), which is good. But most importantly, the Tunnel Snakes grew.

And as the group grew, I lost my mental position in the group. I started asking myself stupid questions like "would it really matter if I'm gone?" (That was around the same time I took a break from the forums for a week a month back.)

But anyways, long story short that inferiority complex has been flaring up lately. The response I got for Destructoid Story R gave me some relief from it. But some other stuff's happened between now and then. And now I find myself thinking more stupid stuff. "Why can't I be more like this person?" "Why am I the only one who feels like this?" "Have I changed over the course of this summer?" "Am I losing my identity?" "No, stop with all that. You're being stupid and overdramatic. Only you overthink things like this." "But am I overthinking it?"

Shit like that.

And there you have it. That was a bit hard to type. Because...well, I'm sure that doesn't make me sound like a very good person. In fact, it probably makes me seem like a pretty weak person. And I don't think anyone wants to make themselves sound weak. I said it earlier, but I've never told anyone about my inferiority complex, because it would just bring my persona crumbling down around me. Or something like that.

But you know what? At the same time, it feels good to type this out. Just by admitting all this, I feel like I'm letting out something that's been bottled up for many years. And in retrospect, I'm glad so much has (seemingly) changed this summer. If it hadn't, I wouldn't have to deal with this like I have to now (as in, trying to overcome it). I'd have just stayed in my little bubble here on the forums, allowing my complex to continue to control me.

So now...I don't know. I don't have anything to wrap-up this post with. I guess we'll just see what happens after I hit "submit reply". *shrug*

I think it's a good step that you're able to admit something like that. I don't think lesser of you as a person, if that helps.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You shouldn't be striving to become someone else; you should be trying to become someone others want to emulate themselves. For example, I wish I could've created something like you did. You created a visual novel AND an RPG whereas I did nothing of the sort.

And there you have it. That was a bit hard to type. Because...well, I'm sure that doesn't make me sound like a very good person.

It makes you sound like a person. I really don't think anyone will hold that shit to you. Said it before, will say it again: it seems like everyone who is a regular here is carrying some sort of baggage with him. Never took you as someone who looked down on people though.
And you most likely have changed over time. That's just how time works. We all change. Be it due to the things we experience or just time itself. Points of view and opinions on things change. People change. That is something normal and something you can't really fight, unless you want that fight to break you. Just try to remember that, don't try to forcefully chase others because you want to be like them (in fact, I think because of the games you created, there are a few people that envy you over your skill).

"Because...well, I'm sure that doesn't make me sound like a very good person."

I ought to slap the shit out of you, Marche. You are a kindred spirit. But you have to be realistic with yourself. If you think at times you are being overbearing, look at your actions from a different viewpoint. If you speak from the heart, I don't see how you could ever be condescending though. You seem to speak from the heart a lot, with your contributions to this community (that take you an incredible amount of time), to posting about things like this.

No one is perfect. People fuck up, act superior at times, wallow in self-pity and defeat at others. Sometimes you can question yourself so much that it turns into self-pity, so you have to be careful not to devalue yourself. But you sound like a leader to me. You can embrace that role, but remember that whether or not people "follow" you does not diminish your integrity.

Just think of Solid Snake. When everyone is around and no one is around, he acts with less concern for himself than for others. He understands his strengths and weaknesses and keeps focused on the task at hand. He maintains his strength throughout, knowing that loss is inevitable but you can always remain the human being you are regardless of what you gain or lose.

Just like everyone else in this community, you are a pillar that holds it up. Change will happen all around you, but you can still maintain who you are. If things crumble around you, or if other shittier pillars fall apart, you can still remain standing if you wish to.

Marche, that's such a small "offense" I wouldn't even call it that. Don't beat yourself up over trying to be a little bit more important than everyone else, you might also call it competitive thinking, and everyone engaging in anything competitive has to adopt a similar mindset.
Sure, you still might have an inferiority complex, but that's more a hindrance to yourself than to others. It's something you can work on if you want to. Acknowledging it is the first step.

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