Part I: Spiritual Seekers and Spiritual Teachers

1 Cultural Considerations

Cultures play a large role in shaping the form of the personal interactions of their members.
Just as the child-parent relation differs from one society and time to another, so does the
relationship between spiritual seeker and spiritual teacher. It is only natural, then, that the
relationship will differ according to whether the parties are both Tibetan, or both Western, or one
of each. Trouble occurs when one or both sides think that they need to mimic an alien culture or
expect the other to adopt foreign ways. For example, Western students may think that they need to
act like Tibetans, or that Tibetan teachers should behave more like Westerners. Alternatively,
Tibetan teachers may expect that Western students will act as Tibetan disciples would. When each
side understands and respects the other's cultural background, however, flexibility and adjustment
become possible. This often eliminates some of the problems. To understand a few of the
differences, let us profile the average spiritual seeker from each of these cultures.

Traditionally, most Tibetan spiritual seekers, as well as their teachers, were celibate monks or
nuns with limited knowledge of family life, gained primarily from their childhood. Most had limited
knowledge also of secular matters. Nearly everyone entered monasteries or nunneries as illiterate
children. Premodern Tibet never developed a public education system and, in fact, had hardly any
secular education at all. The major exceptions were in the capital, Lhasa, which had a government
school to train civil servants and a medical and astrological college. Admission was normally
limited to children of the nobility. Further, monastic education covered only subjects directly
related to spiritual matters. Even in monasteries that also taught medicine and astrology, these
topics were strongly interlaced with Buddhist theory and ritual.

Few opportunities existed for spiritual study for laypeople. Nearly the only possibility was to
study with a
ngagpa (sngags-pa), a married tantric yogi devoted to meditation and to performing rituals in
people's homes. Ngagpas, however, normally taught only children from their own families and a few
local youths who would live with them. While staying for several months in a patron's home in a
distant region, they might also instruct the adolescents in the house and several other teenagers
from prominent families in the area. The number of ngagpas in Tibet, however, hardly compared with
the number of monastics. Lay spiritual seekers were the exception and not the rule.

Some ngagpas were also
tulkus (sprul-sku, reincarnate lamas) and were usually the lay throneholders of one or more
monastic institutions, responsible for giving empowerments and for leading major rituals.
Discovered as children to be the reincarnations of previous tantric masters, tulkus stand at the
peak of Tibetan society. Monasteries and nunneries normally did not admit lay students.
Nevertheless, if ngagpa tulkus were associated with monastic institutions, they often received much
of their education there. Similarly, their younger family members and later their children might
also take classes in the monasteries or nunneries. Thus, lay spiritual seekers such as these often
had close contact with monks and nuns.

Traditionally, Tibetans joined monasteries or nunneries at a young age. The prerequisite was to
be healthy and old enough to chase away a crow. This ability indicated that the children had enough
self-assuredness to live away from home. Most who joined were about seven or eight years old,
although tulkus were sometimes as young as four.

The decision to enter a monastery or nunnery always came through mutual agreement between
parents and child. The initiative could come from either side. Becoming a monk or a nun was not
only prestigious in Tibet, it was a commonplace occurrence. Over one-sixth of the population were
monastics. Moreover, because sending some of the family's children to monastic institutions helped
to prevent the overfragmentation of inherited property, almost every household subscribed to the
custom.

Although child monks and nuns shaved their heads and wore robes, they normally did not take
novice vows before early or middle adolescence or full vows until age twenty-one. Unlike their
Christian counterparts, they normally maintained contact with their families. If they lived in
local monasteries or nunneries during adolescence, they frequently spent summer holidays at home
helping with the fields or the herds.

One could argue that children hardly qualified as sincere spiritual seekers. Many, of course,
wished to join monasteries or nunneries to enjoy the camaraderie of living with other children
their age. Others, who yearned for knowledge, were keen to go to monastic institutions since
studying Buddhism was the route to receiving an education. Spiritual interest often manifested
first in playfully imitating the older monastics meditating and performing rituals. Sincere
spiritual interest came mostly with education and maturity. Many monks and nuns, however, never
actually developed that interest, but remained in monastic institutions for a secure way of
life.

The young monks and nuns traditionally lived in the homes of their teachers. If they entered
great monasteries or nunneries outside their native regions, the students and teachers from one
area lived in the same compounds, forming subunits within the larger institutions. They had their
own temples for communal prayers and, like most mountain people, bonded strongly with each other
through regional loyalty and common dialects.

During both childhood and teenage years, the young monks and nuns performed household chores and
joined the adult attendants in serving their teachers. They received strict discipline from both
their teachers and the monastic authorities. Scolding and beatings were normal fare, even for
tulkus. Nevertheless, children also received a certain amount of physical affection from the older
members of the household, who served as substitute parents. The teachers fulfilled the parental
functions of being the authority figures and role models.

The Tibetan refugee community has reestablished many of its major monasteries and nunneries in
India and Nepal. The new institutions maintain most of the traditional customs, although those in
South India require communal agricultural work of most of their able-bodied members. Joining a
monastery or nunnery is less widespread than it was before. Mostly poor families and new arrivals
send a few of their children to become monks or nuns, primarily because of financial pressure.
Often, novice candidates receive at least some secular education before entering monastic
institutions, and many wait until adolescence. Tulkus, however, still join at a tender age. Since
the early 1980s, modern schooling forms a part of the monastic education, but only at the major
institutions.

The households of tulkus and senior teachers in exile still have young disciples living in them.
Many monks and nuns, however, now live either in dormitories with communal kitchens or with a few
others in small houses. The larger monasteries and nunneries still have regional divisions.
Although the reestablished institutions lack many of the modern conveniences of the West, they have
far more than their original institutions did in traditional Tibet. Consequently, maintaining a
household requires far less menial work than before. Thus, serving the teacher plays a less
dominant role in the disciple-mentor relationship than it did previously. Some service, however, is
still standard fare.

As in traditional Tibet, child monks and nuns do not receive special treatment. On the other
hand, child tulkus have always had, and continue to have, better food and clothing than everyone
else. Their person and everything around them are kept scrupulously clean. Waited on by special
attendants, they have almost no contact with ordinary child monastics, who are considered too rough
and filthy for them to play with.

Strict discipline has traditionally prevented most tulkus from becoming spoiled. Nowadays,
however, young tulkus having considerable contact with Western people, culture, and electronic
entertainment face greater disciplinary problems. This especially happens when visits to the West
disrupt the stability of their home lives, interrupt their education, and introduce cultural
conflict.

The spiritual education of both ordinary and tulku monks and nuns still retains its traditional
form. The only difference is that formerly only tulkus and the most promising youngsters learned to
write. Tulkus receive private tuition when they are young; the other children study in groups. In
traditional Tibet, the position of nuns was inferior to that of their male counterparts. Only in
recent times have steps been taken to bring their education and meditation training up to the
standard of monks. There is still a long way left to go.

Up until the age of thirteen, education consists, for the most part, of learning to read and
write, memorizing prayers and texts, and attending rituals. Buddhist prayers and texts are in the
classical language, which is as intelligible to the average Tibetan as is Latin or Hebrew to the
average Westerner. In almost all cases, the children receive no explanations and do no meditation.
They are better able to advance in these areas at an older age, whereas in childhood their powers
of memorization are at their peak.

The role of the teacher during the initial phase of education is to supervise by enforcing
discipline and testing students each day. The children's youthful energy is channeled into
screaming at the top of their lungs the texts they have memorized. All of them shout at the same
time, with each one yelling something different. This helps them to develop the ability to
concentrate despite any distraction. It also keeps them awake during study sessions that many find
boring.

Teenage monks and nuns, including tulkus, study by means of debate. The debates are also
extremely loud, punctuated by strong ritual gestures, and with several different debates taking
place simultaneously, next to each other. Through them, the teenagers learn to think logically for
themselves, to question everything, and to withstand defeat. Adolescents build their character on
the debate grounds.

Despite the universal advice that tantra practice is not for beginners and the long list of
prerequisites for becoming a disciple of a tantric master, almost all Tibetan monks and nuns
receive tantric empowerments at a tender age. If the students do any meditation, then, it consists
of reciting
sadhanas – ritual texts of tantra visualization. Because they lack the qualifications to
study tantra, most have only vague ideas of what to do with their minds while reciting the texts.
Similarly, many learn the tantra rituals and perform prostrations, but few are aware of their
deeper significance. Most focus, instead, on building self-discipline from the practices, honoring
their pledges to their teachers to repeat them each day, removing obstacles by the power of the
rituals, and planting good instincts for future lives.

In ancient India, the main spiritual activity of lay Buddhist adults was to offer food to the
monks and nuns who came to their homes on daily rounds for alms. Twice a month, the monasteries and
nunneries would open their gates to laypeople, who would come to hear lectures in the form of moral
stories. Both at home and at the monastic institutions, laypeople would also engage in devotional
practices, such as lighting incense and making other offerings. Moreover, wealthy families would
occasionally invite groups of monks or nuns to their homes. After serving a meal, the family would
receive a short discourse from the senior monastic. Rarely, however, did the lay patrons learn the
more profound teachings or receive detailed instructions on meditation, unless they were perhaps
members of the royal family.

As in Tibet, a few laypeople studied with Buddhist tantric yogis, but they constituted a small
minority. The custom of widely teaching meditation to Buddhist laypeople began only in the
nineteenth century in Sri Lanka and then spread to Burma. Influenced by the Protestant model of lay
congregations receiving religious instruction, it arose in these countries with the revival of
Buddhism after missionary suppression under British colonial rule. The custom of teaching
meditation to the general lay Buddhist public never spread to Tibet.

Tibetan monks and nuns never went to people's homes on alms rounds, perhaps because of the
remoteness of the monastic institutions and the severe climatic conditions. Instead, laypeople
occasionally went to the monasteries and nunneries to make offerings of butter and grain and to
perform devotional practices such as circumambulating and making prostration. This custom still
prevails in exile. The main spiritual practice at home for the vast majority of Tibetans was
lighting butter lamps and incense, offering bowls of water, and reciting mantras. A
mantra is a set of words or syllables to recite repeatedly in association with a
Buddha-figure. In premodern Tibet, after all, most laypeople were illiterate and therefore unable
to read Dharma texts. Whatever knowledge they gained was through listening, watching, and
repeating.

Neither in Tibet nor in exile do lay Tibetans have Dharma centers where they may learn Buddhism.
Schools run by the Tibetan Government-in-Exile normally employ a monk to lead the children in daily
prayers. They have not yet started to hire nuns. The monk, however, gives only rudimentary Buddhist
teachings. Systematic study materials on Buddhism are unavailable in the colloquial Tibetan
language. Only recently have a few Dharma talks by His Holiness the Dalai Lama appeared in print in
Tibetan. Although Buddhist values permeate the society, much like Christian ones pervade the West,
laypeople who know something deeper about Buddhism and who meditate are mostly former monks and
nuns.

Great masters in premodern Tibet occasionally lectured to large audiences on the classic texts
and gave tantric empowerments. Most of these took place in monasteries or nunneries, and few, if
any laypeople attended. Occasionally, however, masters conducted long-life ceremonies, gave
empowerments, and explained basic teachings to the lay public. Most who attended did not even
attempt to understand what was happening and did not subsequently engage in meditation. The
prevalent attitude was that they were planting seeds of instinct for future lives, hopefully as
monks.

Nowadays in exile, the reestablished monasteries and nunneries are no longer located in isolated
areas as they were in Tibet. They are within or close to the lay communities. Consequently, most
laypeople have daily contact with monastics, but still do not receive spiritual guidance from them.
Tibetan Buddhist monks and nuns never developed the custom of engaging in community service such as
teaching school or running orphanages, hospitals, or nursing homes. A few, however, serve in
government. As in premodern Tibet, the major spiritual contact that laypeople have with monastics
consists of inviting monks or nuns to perform rituals in their homes or commissioning them to be
done at the monasteries or nunneries. The rituals are mostly for removing obstacles and bringing
success to the sponsors' worldly affairs.

Great teachers occasionally explain texts and give empowerments to large crowds of both ordained
and laypeople. They make a special effort to give general Dharma advice to the laypeople who
attend, but the attitude of the public remains mostly as before. They go to receive "blessings" and
to lay instincts for future lives. Tibetans do not have the custom of asking questions,
particularly in public.

The situation is totally different with Westerners attracted to Tibetan Buddhism. Few start
their Buddhist education as children, other than those who attend the equivalent of Sunday school
arranged by their Buddhist-convert parents. Almost all Westerners, then, come to Buddhism after
having received a modern education and after having read some books on the subject. Because the
books are in colloquial modern languages, Westerners can learn from them without a teacher.
However, they are usually weak in absorbing the material, since they neither memorize the texts nor
debate every point.

Westerners go to Dharma centers, not monasteries or nunneries, and, as laypeople, they wish to
learn the most profound teachings and to gain meditation experience now, in this lifetime.
Although, like Tibetans, they receive tantric empowerments long before they are qualified to
practice tantra, many want to receive the full instructions and to engage in the practices
immediately, without waiting to gain the prerequisite skills. The attention span of most Westerners
is short and, without periodic external stimulus, they quickly lose interest. Almost no one thinks
of future lives or is satisfied with planting seeds of good instinct. Some Westerners, in fact,
entertain the romantic fantasies that they are Milarepas – the famous Tibetan yogi who meditated in
a cave and attained enlightenment in his lifetime. They forget, of course, the hardships that
Milarepa underwent to receive any teachings. Tibetans would never be so presumptuous.

With certain exceptions, the few Westerners who eventually become monks or nuns take robes only
after much study and meditation practice. To gain access to the teachings, however, Westerners do
not need to renounce family life or life as a single, nor do they need to take robes. Hardly any
Western Buddhists live with their spiritual teachers as part of the household. Some, however, live
at Dharma centers where their teachers may also reside, but separately from the students.

Coming mostly from egalitarian backgrounds, Western laypeople expect the same opportunities as
monks or nuns receive. Further, they have no tolerance for sexual or any other form of
discrimination. They wish to have all the texts available in their colloquial languages and not in
a classical tongue. Even if they chant rituals in Tibetan, most will do so only if they know what
they are reciting. Very few are willing to chant the scriptures, let alone to memorize them.

Unlike Tibetans, most Westerners are impatient with learning slowly. This derives from their
leading busy lives. Few can spare more than one or two nights a week and an occasional weekend to
go to Dharma centers. Many have little free time during the day to meditate. Accustomed to the
speed of modern conveniences, they want instant, complete access to the teachings and quick
results, especially when they need to pay for Dharma instruction. Tibetans would hardly share these
expectations.

With these vast cultural differences between Westerners and Tibetans, no wonder that
misunderstandings often arise when spiritual seekers and spiritual teachers come from different
societies. Persons with deep understanding and full appreciation of the two cultures are very
rare.