The "Not So Innocent" Old High School (Girl)Friend

The "Not So Innocent" Old High School (Girl)Friend

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are absolutely great for each other. We spend the majority of our time with each other and practically live together.

During the course of our relationship I have always known that he is still friends with two different women that he went to high school with about 7 years ago. They are both married and one has kids. I have met them and we occasionally hang out.

However, I have just recently found out that the relationship was more serious than the puppy love I thought that it was back then. He told me that about a year and a half ago at his birthday party she told him that after high school if he were to have asked her she would have married him.

I trust him and I don't believe that he would cheat on me. But I feel like the wool has been pulled over my eyes and I am confused on how I should feel about this. Weirded Out Wendie.

Dear Weirded Out Wendie.
Everybody's got a past. You have to remember that and as much as you don't like having to be friendly with his, I am sure you've got baggage of your own that makes him a little bit uneasy. Such is life.

Try and gain a little bit of perspective on the situation. Your boyfriend had the chance to be with this girl long before he met you and he chose not to. He's with you now, and he chooses to spend all of his time with you, so I am sure he's happy.

If he didn't want you to have this information, he wouldn't have told you. He's letting you know so that the wool isn't pulled over your eyes. You need to understand that he took a big risk in telling you about what she said.

What if you don't want to be friends with her anymore? What if you ask him to choose their friendship or your relationship? He took the high road, so just be appreciative of the fact that your boyfriend is just being honest with you.

It's only normal for you to feel a little bit territorial right now. You thought it was just an innocent relationship, but really this girl was deeply in love with your boyfriend. I think you have a right to feel a little bit funny about this, but the bottom line is that he's with you now and she knows that. You've got to trust him.

The ability to remain friends with an ex, esp. those that have clearly moved on (hello...married and 1 has a kid) is a sign of maturity. He's the person he is today in part because of his past relationships and if he's such a fab boyfriend, guess where he honed those skills? I'm friends with almost all my exes because frankly, they are awesome people but we weren't right for each other romantically. So I've lost a couple of so-so boyfriends and now I have great friends in them. The older ones offer dating advice even. I can tell them stuff that's going wrong in the present and they can basically tell me what I'm doing poorly as a girlfriend. My friends that I haven't dated can't do that because I'm much nicer and more honest with friends than with boyfriends. They can say "he's mad at you because you have a habit of being cold and you put everything and everyone on your to-do list except for dates." I think I've helped them and they've helped me become better and you should look as this as a positive. I'm sure you have exes that you're friends with and there's not even a bit of romantic love between you two. If not, well, you probably haven't dated anyone good enough to be a friend. Until now.

If he was doing the dirty he would never have told you what he did. People are attracted to other people all the time - some of your friends are attracted to him, some of his friends are attracted to you, the important thing is not the chances that anyone has to be with anyone else, but the choices they make. and he chooses to be with you, so dont stress out over it!
and just because someone was in love before dosent mean they aren't completely over it. i have started telling all the people i was in love with in highshcool that i was in love with them and its wonderful letting go of that secret and seeing the pleasure in the face of someon who knows they made your school life just a little more tolerable.
bottom line - he loves YOU.