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Topic : 06/24 For Better or Worse?

Number of Replies: 28

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Created on : Friday, January 30, 2009, 02:18:02 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/05/09) When a couple gets married, they recite the vows, "To love, honor and cherish for better or worse." But with a 50 percent divorce rate in America, do newlyweds really take these words to heart? Lancine wrote the show because she and her sisters want Dr. Phil to talk some sense into their mother, also named Lancine. The daughters are concerned because their mother, who is wealthy and owns three homes, left her husband for another man and now lives in a tent! The senior Lancine says she enjoys her life in the portable home more than living in the house and in an unhappy marriage, but her daughters say she's acting out of puppy love and might soon regret her choices. Do the girls have valid concerns, or are they overreacting to their mother's behavior? Then, Matthew had an affair with his employee and lost his job while his wife, Libby, was pregnant. He says he made the biggest mistake of his life, but does he understand the gravity of his behavior? Libby says she was devastated to learn her husband was living a secret life for almost a year. You won't believe what she learned from Matthew’s mistress! Will she forgive her spouse and salvage their relationship? Dr. Phil tells her what she must do for herself and her children. Join the discussion.

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It's her life!

What would these daughters say if Mom was unhappy with their choices? I'll bet it would be "It's my life, and my right to do what makes me happy." Mom sounds of sound mind and intelligent. I would tell them to get off her case and let her live her life the way she wants to. I wonder if their true objection is embarrassment over what people will think and how this will impact them. I believe if I had lived in a miserable condition, no matter how many material things, I also would find living in a tent with someone who made me feel good would be a good thing. If she has picked a wrong guy again, then SHE will need to be the one to figure that out. He may not be a good choice, but how can that criteria be based on if material things are not that important to him? I agree that legal protection for her is in order in the interim. Put it in writing that he has nothing financially to gain by his relationship with her. Another of my concerns is how this living arrangement is going to hurt her in court. If the state she is living in is anything like mine, she is going to have to face the husband's attorney showing that she is having an adulterous relationship and does not deserve a generous divorce settlement. That might not matter if she wanted to continue living in the tent, but it does not sound like she does.

02/05 For Better or Worse?

Has it never occurred to "Mom" Lacine to live without a man. Until she's not only finished one relationship, her third marriage, before entering yet another. But, spent enough time "soul searching" to figure out why she keeps entering relationships with the wrong men. That she's already "shacking up" with a man, already 50-years-old, who can't even support himself suggests that her daughters are right. She has a history of picking the wrong men. Lacine is obviously "head over heels" infatuated with her new boyfriend. But, I'll bet she was equally infatuated with her three husbands. Until her "lust" colored glasses slipped down enough to see that she'd chosen badly again. When she first met him, this third "controlling" husband "she "just can't live with anymore" was probably no less "wonderful" than her current boyfriend. And, when the "wonderful" wears off, I'll bet she'll be leaving him for yet another.Seems to me that "Mr Wonderful" is just using her. She expects to get out of her marriage with a nice house. Of course "Mr Wonderful" is treating her so "well" right now. He's looking forward to discarding the tent for a real roof over his head. Since he's an "intern" who can't even support himself. You're a patsy, "Mom" Lacine.

Dr Phil

I have to say I think the 'tent' is more like a camper with a breezeway. Dr Phil, kept calling it a tent, but really, now, that's not a tent. It's got hard walls not canvas zipping up the place.

I also thought the lady in question was a lovely woman. I would be happy to have her as a mom. I would be concerned though if she got involved with a man who she didn't know very long. However, love has always happened fast for me. I knew the first three days I was seeing my husband that we would be married one day, and that was almost six years ago.

02/05 For Better or Worse?

What would these daughters say if Mom was unhappy with their choices? I'll bet it would be "It's my life, and my right to do what makes me happy." Mom sounds of sound mind and intelligent. I would tell them to get off her case and let her live her life the way she wants to. I wonder if their true objection is embarrassment over what people will think and how this will impact them. I believe if I had lived in a miserable condition, no matter how many material things, I also would find living in a tent with someone who made me feel good would be a good thing. If she has picked a wrong guy again, then SHE will need to be the one to figure that out. He may not be a good choice, but how can that criteria be based on if material things are not that important to him? I agree that legal protection for her is in order in the interim. Put it in writing that he has nothing financially to gain by his relationship with her. Another of my concerns is how this living arrangement is going to hurt her in court. If the state she is living in is anything like mine, she is going to have to face the husband's attorney showing that she is having an adulterous relationship and does not deserve a generous divorce settlement. That might not matter if she wanted to continue living in the tent, but it does not sound like she does.

Lacine is expecting half her husband's property, because she's living in one of those "community property" states, I presume. Supposedly, the property is split 50-50 in the event of divorce no matter which partner earned, or acquired, it. During the course of their marriage. Dr Phil said that she'd lose half of this to her new boyfriend should they get divorced. Not sure about this, though, if it becomes hers before she marries him. But, if this adulterous living arrangement could "trump" the community property laws if her husband hires an attorney willing to go that route. Lacine could end up with much less than she expected. And, "lose" her boyfriend. If his main "interest" in her is the house she expects from the divorce settlement. A much nicer "roof" over his head than some tent that can't withstand the Santa Anna winds.

Own your mistakes

Dr. Phil was right on again today. My husband and I started having marital problems and I didn't realize just how serious they were until I happened upon some inappropriate emails between him and a flirty female co worker. Needless to say things were not very good after that for quite some time. I loved him but I didn't like him. He shattered the glass for me, broke my heart. Even though my husband did not "do the deed" with this coworker... it was only a matter of time and their actions portrayed that. I still felt cheated on. And I loved him but didn't like him...I would do things to make us argue, I wanted him to hate me so that I could escape the terrible feeling of insecurity and it be his fault not mine for leaving. But he never did and I never did. After 1 1/2 years of living with uncertainty and trying to raise 2 boys as if nothing was wrong....he finally asked me what he needed to do. I said that I needed him to say that he was sorry. A real sorry, a feel it from your toes - everything in me kinda sorry. I wanted him to fix us and put us back together again. I owned my part in the relationship troubles, my working late - getting absorbed by work, etc. and I wanted the same from him.... He must have thought about what I said because the next day he said the words that I had needed to hear for 18 months. It was so heartfelt and sincere and I knew that he meant it! He actually owned his part and was truly sorry for hurting me and bringing us to this point. That was in April of last year and that whole ordeal seems like a lifetime ago. That day we moved past this and I do believe that we love each other more now than ever before. We have never spoke of it again and it doesn't haunt us anymore. Because he REALLY owned his mistakes and really apologized for them, I REALLY forgave him. And I am so blessed everyday. Our entire family is much stronger than it ever has been. I hope that the man on today's show really listened to Dr. Phil and took in what he was saying. If he wants his marriage to last, he has to be willing to take some real responsibility in this and make his wife see that he has learned from his mistakes and is strong enough not to hurt her again in the future like that.

roll the dice...

I have been in a marriage that has been troubled for many years. We have been married for 36 years. My husband had several affairs and one huge one 28 years ago, to the point we were going to divorce. We stayed together and I have always felt or wondered if it would have been better had we divorced. We had just had our 5th child when he had his last affair. He told me that pregnancy was bad timing.:) My children have grown up in an angry environment and as I have entered menopause I have now desire to be near my husband. In my mind I will always wonder if I should have left. Is that a choice? Maybe. I push those thoughts aside, as I have many bad thoughts throughout my life, but they surface now and then. On the other hand I have friends who have divorced and one who has actually remarried the first husband she divorce, and questions that decision. Therefore my statement is that no matter what you do, unless it is a cut and dried situation of serious abuse, you will probably wonder if you did the right thing. Raising children in an unhappy marriage isn't any more pleasant than raising a child without one of the parents. I have grown children and they have encouraged me to get a divorce now. They are tired of seeing us unhappy.

Infidelity.Forgive or forget?

I am not sure what kind of advice i would give this women but i do have my story to share. two years ago i got to marry my best friend and love of my life!! but i was unaware of the strain and stress of beiing newly weds would bring. My husband is in the navy and within the first 6 months of us being married we moved twice and then he got deployed for six months. He was (at the time) the type of man who wanted me to sit around the house and pine over him do the house wife thing and not to have any friends. With us getting married so young this was very hard for me. I ended up going out and making some friends and loosing my direction I ended up cheating on him early within the first year. It was a very short lived affair and when i relized the wrong that i committed and how much it will hurt my husband i came to the relizeation that i needed to come clean and tell him what had happened. unfortinatly the only way i could get intouch with my husband as over email. I e mailed him and explained everything! now everything was getting very complicated. at first he told me he wanted me to move nack to our home town not to come watch his ship pull in from deplyment and wanted me out of his life. i was going to give up and do what he wanted but then i relized it was just his anger speaking and i wasnt going any where. Now still married and madly in love we worked through our hard times and remebered why we married each other. I know what i did was wrong and i recited the vowes to for better or worse and till death do us part and that is exactly what we inted to do. My husband said to me a few months ago that he is sorta glad that i did what i did because he said it opened his eyes and he doesnt want to loose our marriage and i feel that what happened just brought us closer together and now we have a very open relationship and can talk about everything and anything anad it tought us to be very honest with each other.