Casey knew he was trembling. But it needed to be done. It was over."I'm just coming to tell you ... I'm leaving!"

Zeke looked at him with blurred eyes. He had drunk too much yesterday, again, Casey was sure. Finally he smirked and shrugged. "Fine, go ahead! You will be back soon enough."

Casey took a deep breath."You don't understand ," he said softly."I'm gonna leave Herrington. Ohio even. There is nothing what still keeps me here!"

Zeke blinked confused."What's with me?"

"With you?"Casey laughed sadly."You will do what you always do. Or do you wanna tell me, that you will miss me? You give a shit, Zeke! You don't need me!"

He noticed Zeke's narrowed eyes and how his nose started to twitch with anger."Don't make a drama, Casey! You love me!"

Casey swallowed. He knew he needed to shut down his feelings or at the end he would give in. Again! He had tried to end this several times before. They argued heatedly so often lately. Zeke withdrew more and more from him. Only when they had sex everything was different. Zeke's hands, his lips were warm, gentle, caring and Casey felt safe in his arms. But when it was over, it was over. One moment he still held him tight, the next he was out of reach and cold again. Casey fought his tears back. The decision was made. Next week this time he would be on his way to San Francisco. It was about time to think about his own future.

"I love you? I don't know any more, Zeke. Sometimes it feels more as if I hate you. Do you actually know, what you are doing? How much you hurt people?"

"It's Gilly, isn't it?"Zeke snorted."Oh my God, you're jealous of this stupid bitch? But I was drunk! It was just a stupid one-night-stand. And it was lame as fuck!"

"You don't get it, Zeke! It's not about Gilly, it's ... just about everything. The booze, the drugs ... you care about nothing. I can't stand it any longer."

Zeke stared at him annoyed."Great," he snarled."So go and leave me the fuck alone. I don't care. I'm used to it. My fucking parents left me when I was not even twelve and ..."

Casey took a deep breath."Don't blame your parents for all the shit in your life, Zeke," he said with a slightly trembling voice."What they did is sad. But you have had the chance to change something. More than one. Stokes and Stan, they were good friends and wanted to be there for you. Mr. Furlong tried to help you to graduate and finally get into college. Me ...

But you ... you act like an prick against just everyone. You think you can use people as long as you like ... and finally you kick them away."

Casey sobbed. He knew Zeke hated this but it didn't matter anymore.

"I'm not gonna wait till you dump me too. Yeah, I did love you, Zeke, more than I can say. But I want you, not the asshole you tries to be. I can't get through to you anymore. Every time I come a bit closer, you back out even more."

"What a bullshit," Zeke growled.

Casey shook his head."It's true, Zeke," he whispered."You are so afraid that someone is able to break through your tough shell. They used to call you the King of Herrington High. You did like that, didn't you? All this stupid dumbheads who would have kissed your ass to get your booze or porn or whatever shit you've sold. It felt good to have so much buddies, right? Parties without end. Sex with almost everyone.

Is it this what you want, Zeke? Because it feels safe? Because this means you don't need to risk it to let someone deeper into your life? But where are they, Zeke, all your friends? Most of them are moving on.

But you ... you still go into clubs when you can't stand it any longer to be alone, get drunk, find some much too young girl for a night ... "

He stopped, sucked in his lower lip, thinking about all he had said. That he was going to leave, that Zeke would stay back here in Herrington, without friends, without any perspective. He almost wished Zeke would pull him into his arms, bring him to bed, fuck him senseless. But it would change nothing, he knew it. It would just make it even harder.

"It's a lonely life, Zeke. But it's yours. If you want to fuck it up I can't do anything against it. But don't expect from me to wait and watch you end up in prison ... or worse."

He didn't try to hide his tears any longer. And for the first time this evening Zeke looked unsure."You don't leave me," he murmured.

Casey was trembling all over. This was the end. It was time to go ... now ... or he would never be able to do it. With one last look at Zeke he turned to the door."I'm sorry!"

"Fuck you!"

When he closed the door behind him, he could hear a loud bang. Zeke had grabbed the almost full ashtray and threw it against the wall. Bits of broken glass were flying around the room. Zeke stared at them, still breathing hard. He was sitting on the old couch, motionless, without feeling anything, for almost ten minutes. It was then that he put his head onto his arms and started sobbing.