Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Adrift // At Home

It's been nearly a month since we packed up a moving truck with our life's belongings and moved from Chicago to Rhode Island. It's exciting, undoubtedly a new adventure, and also very emotional.

For me, Chicago was where I grew up. Not where I was raised, but the place I went from being an 18 year old college student to an adult. It's where I found myself. I learned independence there. How to make real decisions. It's where I discovered that idiot boyfriends are just that, and if you have to you can pack up your car, sublet your apartment on craigslist, and drive far, far away. Or you can meet the man you are going to marry and start a life together. It was the place that I bought my first car. And learn that even if your parents aren't paying for it they can still be very, very, very mad that you sold a perfectly good car. It was where I had a few different jobs, but spent most of my time in school. Northwestern always called me back. That campus is good for my soul. I certainly made some mistakes. And I grew.

Moving "back home" is simply weird. There are things I am so excited to experience. And there are pieces that give me deep anxiety. Raising our children near my family means the world to me. This time, this phase, this transition is so full of unknowns. It has so much potential to be amazing. But right now I feel adrift. Last night was our second night in our new home. We have moving boxes everywhere. I know that feeling settled is going to take some time.

We officially closed on our new house a week ago. Mr. Fix-It has taken to calling it a shithole. We have to laugh because a 1910 house in New England is a very different thing than a 10 year old condo in the city. Drywall vs. plaster. Character vs. cookie cutter. Old creaky floors vs. shiny and new. Chipped paint. Iffy patch jobs. Dents, dings, wear and tear. We will have a great time making it our own. And probably suffer a few headaches along the way. Ultimately it's our next chapter. It's the first home our twins will know. Likely the first home Little Fix-It will remember. It's where we will become a family of 5. It's where that school bus that stops on the corner will pick up our kids and bring them to school. If Chicago is where we began as a couple, this is where we will truly begin as a family.

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