Tuesday, November 17, 2009

so alot has happened since i last posted on here. ive been in and out of a few relationships and now im back with nate from the last post. we broke up because he was partying with some friends and he got so drunk that he made out with another chick and he had to get some shit straightened up. when he did he told me that he was done with all that stuff and asked for me back i said yes but it was going to be a little bit before we would actually date because that day i broke up with someone. so then we hung out a few times but i didnt want to wait anymore so we made it official. people have been saying oh how long is going to be this time because i was boy jumping. but now im with nate whether people like it or not, I'M NOT LEAVING HIM :) i kinda wanna punch some people in the face because they wont keep their mouth shut. but oh well in a year and a half im out of here :) things have gotten better at home and im doing better in school and hopefully things even out. i now have a job at subway :) i love eating there and now i get free food when i work :) but anyways im not excited for nate to leave. he goes to afghanistan on sept. 4, 2010. i just hope that he comes home safe and back to me. im falling in love with this kid pretty fast :) but i getta see him later tonight :) so peace for now. :)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Wow so my life has been crazy since i last posted. i have gotten a new boyfriend, which is that one guy i talked about last time. i like him alot and im really falling for him. but there is a slight problem... my parents dont like him.it's because he smokes and he is 18 and he doesnt live with his parents anymore. so i went to his house after school one day and my friend brooklin came with because we were supposed to go to youth group later. but i decided that i didnt really feel like going so we stayed at his house until we had to be home. everything was good until my mom started asking me about youth group. i answered like i had been there but i didnt know that the guy who normally runs the youth group wasnt there and i got caught. my step dad tried telling me that i had to break up with him because they didnt like me dating him and if i didnt break up with him they would call the cops but i told them to go ahead and do it because the cops wont do anything about it because they cant. we arent doing anything illeagal. so i dont know but im still going to stay with him because i like him alot. im thinking that it could turn out to be me falling in love.....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Everyone goes through relationships, whether they are intimate or just as friends. I have had many of both. There are many people who actually criticize me for how many inanimate(boyfriend/girlfriend) relationships i have. Really i just have learned to move on fast so it doesn't hurt as bad if i get dumped. i also am the type to give people a chance. i dated this one kid for about 5 days and then 3 days later i started dating someone else. I broke up with him like 4 days later. that was yesterday. i do actually like a guy right now but he's almost 19 and he is in the army and he leaves for Afghanistan in a year. im not too sure what i want to do. in a way, i wanna be single to avoid getting hurt and avoid hurting people but i dont necessarily want to be just going around from guy to guy. everyone is telling me to slow down and not be concerned about guys but i will openly admit i flirt wayy too much to not have a guy that im either dating or having some kind of relationship with. but i dont want to be labeled as a whore. But for some reason i dont stop myself from hanging out with nate, the 19 year old, and i dont know. he wants to hang out with me later today and i want to hang out with him but i dont know if i have the flu or not and if i do i wont be able to hang out with him. but i dont know. so on with the crazy life... :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Yesterday, I saw the one person that I have been through a lot with... Micheal, my ex-boyfriend. We dated about 2 years ago. We dated 3 different times but have had a thing, kind of, the whole time. There were rumors of him cheating on me and lying to me about a lot of things. His best friend, Aaron, was telling me that he cheated on every girl he ever dated and that he has a girlfriend now. Well he decided to show up at our school yesterday because he misses people here and he used to go here but then our freshmen year he got expelled. Every time I see him, all of the feelings that i have and had for him come rushing back to me. I know what happened in the past and I remember all the crap he put me through. But I still have such a strong hate for him, no matter what. I know that I will always love him but I could never be with him again. So I told him at school when I saw him to call me sometime because his friend never tells him for me. Later at night, my phone starts going off, and i hear the ringtone, "Here We Go Again", by Demi Lovato and i knew exactly who it was. That song can describe my relationship with him and it's set to when ever he calls me. So I answered it without thinking really. We talked for about 5 minutes really and he told me that Aaron was lying about a lot of stuff that had to do with Micheal. But he told me that he had to go eat and before he said goodbye he said, "I love you". And out of instinct I said, "love you too", without even thinking. I was almost in shock when I realized what I just said. I am always mixed up with him no matter what happens. And I know that I mean it when I tell him that I love him, but it gives him that hope that we could be together again. But I know deep down that it could never happen because of my fear of getting hurt by him again. He has broken my heart so many times but I don't know why I always go back to him after all he has done to me. But hopefully I'll get set on the path I need to be on.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Most teenagers have problem with their parents. but i dont think a lot of them have to call the cops because people cant just get along. well tonight i got the chance to expierience that feeling. i was at my dads this weekend and when he took me home i was in an okay mood. im never really that excited to come home to my moms anyways. i needed to have a door handle be put on my door because my mom and my step dad got mad that i was locking the door all of the time. so when my step dad put it on again he put it so it locked from the outside and it was hard in general to open it so i had told my dad what happened because he was still sitting outside with my little sister. he had told me to let them know that if they didnt take it off then he would call child services. well my step dad didnt like hearing that at all, so he marched outside and started yelling at my dad and then my step dad walked towards my dad and was yelling at him. i was getting scared so i ran to my kitchen to get then phonebook and i looked up the cedar rapids police department number and i called them and explained what had happened and who was there and everything. the cops had shown up about 5 min after my dad had left so i wanted to explain to them what happened but my mom of course turned the story around to make it seem like my dad was the bad guy in all of this but really its my step dad that i dont like. he is really controlling of everything i do. im really getting annoyed with it because im always in trouble because im the disrespectful teenager.

So normally i have been writing about love and relationships, but lately ive been going pretty steady with one guy. we started out not really knowing eachother but we have a lot of mutual friends. he got my number from his friend zach and i just thought he was just being like how he always is, just kinda random. then zach was texting me and told me that he thinks that rowan likes me, which is the guy im going steady with now. at first i didnt really believe him because we didnt really know eachother. but when i asked zach how he knew he just said well im his best friend i think i should know. so i was a little surprised to hear that but i didnt mind getting to know him and seeing what could happen. i had to go to a wedding that weekend so i didnt really hangout with anyone but i did talk to my ex boyfriend tyler, who is friends with rowan. i told him that i heard that rowan liked me and tyler goes oh yeah i know that and i asked him why he didnt tell me and what all rowan said. he goes i dont know and he said that he thought that you were hot and i was lucky that i dated you but he was like goddamn you tyler now i cant date her. so i asked tyler to talk to rowan for me because tyler knows that i wont ever go back to him. so a couple days later on tuesday we had just got back from a 3 day weekend and i didnt feel good so i went home early after 1st hour and i went home to rest. rowan texted me and said that tyler had talked to him and said that rowan and i should date. but we both thought that we needed to get to know eachother better. so we texted some more and later that night rowan asked me to go to homecomming with him and i said yes. i was pretty excited because i have been to homecomming before but this was the first year i actually had a date to go with. so we hungout a few times during the week and i have really started liking him a lot. and we are taking things slow which i think is great because we both have had some bad luck in relationships and i think that this will turn out pretty good. well at least i hope it will.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hahaha so I know this isn’t normally what I talk about on here, but I just had to share this story. I was hanging out in the spot where I normally do during passing time at school and I was standing with my best friend and the guy I like. We were just chatting like we normally do, and my other friend’s brother Trevor saw a kid who he didn’t like I guess. Trevor got up in Ian’s, the kid he didn’t like, face. Trevor was yelling saying, “Oh, I hear that you wanna fight me huh?!” Ian was just like, “Yeah, I do!” so then Trevor threw a punch and there was a little 2 minute fight. It was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. But I do have to admit Trevor is a good fighter.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

They will tell you all different things like you are special and that it's only you in their life. But there are those guys that will just play you like you're just a toy in their little toy box. Me, personally, I have been from guy to guy. I have figured out that they are almost all the same no matter what they tell you. Sometimes you will find someone who will treat you right and give you all that you deserve. But once you lose them, they are gone for good. Just be careful who you get involved with, some of them can turn out to be crazy in the head. Wait for the one guy who says you're beautiful, instead of hot or sexy. Wait for the one who loves you for who you really are. They are the keepers. Believe me.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Everyone goes through realtionships. People are always going through drama, whether they want to admit it or not. You hear stories of this person broke up with them or so and so just asked me out, it gets old after a while. I have been through many "relationships", if you want to call them that. People are always saying to me, "Who is it this week?" and of course they are just teasing me but it gets old after a while. Guys are hitting on me a lot and it doesn't bother me as much anymore. But guys tell me they love me and I wonder if they really mean it. But you can hardly ever be certain when someone means it. But it isn't always like that for everyone. I recently had a huge deal with one of my ex-boyfriends. He was dating this one girl, who I don't really like all that much and she had someone check up on him when he wasn't answering his phone the other day and that person saw me sitting next to him talking and took it the wrong way. So now she hates me and there is just a bunch of drama. He says he still loves me but i wonder if I truly still love him. There is so much to love that I get confused.