I had a wonderful time putting something together for the writing/reading followers of Debby’s blog. However, I made her promise that she would write something suitable for the readers of ADDandSoMuchMORE.com — as soon as she had a bit of that illusive free-time that seems to be in short supply for most of us.

And so she deliberately set aside time in her super-busy life to return the favor. I was thrilled when I discovered that she decided to feature self-esteem, one of the topics she covers in “Words We Carry,” a wonderfully heartfelt book I devoured on my Kindle and recently reviewed.

Because so many of us in Alphabet City have heard so many times that “we’re not doing it right,” we frequently develop low self-esteem as a result. A few of us struggle with it still. I’ll let Debby explain a bit about how she battled that particular demon below.

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Words We Carry by D.G. Kaye

Thank you for inviting me here today, Madelyn, to your esteemed blog. For those who don’t know me, I’m D.G. Kaye, a Canadian nonfiction writer/author. All my books are written from my own experiences about some of my life’s triumphs and tribulations.

I wrote Words We Carry by taking what I’ve learned through life, relationships, people, and growing up with a low self-esteem.

This book contains short essays on those elements, sharing my own insecurities and how I overcame them, creating awareness on relationship pitfalls, and sharing some of my own hang-ups and quirks I developed through the process of growing my own self-esteem.

I titled the book Words We Carry because much of our character is built on the way in which we’re treated by friends and family when we’re young. When we’re not given any confidence boosts by the people in our lives and endure teasing about our flaws, those are the qualities our self-doubt tends to focus on. Alternatively, if we grow up in a healthy environment where we’re made to feel secure and loved and appreciated for who we are, we will look at ourselves in more positive light.

I use an example in my book where I talk about growing up in my teen years struggling with weight issues. But as I started working on boosting my self-confidence and finally lost the weight, I still had body image issues because I was the same me who looked in the mirror and still saw myself as the chubby girl. This is a common issue that many girls struggle with and often wind up turning Anorexic because of what their minds continue to focus on regardless of what they see in the mirror.

Growing up with family nicknaming us ‘pet names’ they might think are cute, but in fact are demeaning, implants those words within us, and I can tell you it takes a lot of mental work and willingness to learn to love yourself, especially when nobody is offering a helping hand. I was fortunate that I had the determination to learn to love myself and spent many years reading self-help books which finally brought me to the point where I was happy with myself and those hurtful words finally became hidden scars instead of remaining open wounds.

Words are powerful. They have the power to break us or inspire us. Nobody is a bigger person because they belittle someone. In fact, they become the smaller person when inflicting hurt on others.

I’d like to share an excerpt of my book here relating to some of the issues I’ve just talked about here.

Negativity and Jealousy

It’s a fact that negativity underlies our fears, and our guilt can play a big part in lowering our self-esteem. All of these traits connect with our levels of confidence, our strength of character, and our wellbeing. When we’re constantly berated and not placing ourselves in positive circumstances, our energies are drained, which can hinder our ability to maintain a positive outlook on life.

Our fears can cripple us, holding us back from living our lives to the fullest. If we can take a moment to assess the things in our lives that aren’t fulfilling us, and acknowledge what we feel is holding us back from what we wish to attain, we can begin to do some damage control. But if we choose to live our lives in the same unhappy patterns we’ve grown accustomed to without bothering to figure out the root cause of our problems, those problems become nearly impossible to overcome.

Sometimes facing our demons is hard, but that’s the only way we can grow and become stronger. If we choose to remain complacent in our unhappiness, we become trapped there, and many people’s lives remain stagnant because they fail to recognize why they’re unsatisfied.

It’s all about taking the time to stop and listen, paying attention to the things that bother us instead of surrendering to them. If we can learn to take charge of ourselves and dig deep within to confront our fears and the injustices we face, we’ve made a great start, and we can then begin taking action to resolve our issues. We have to make a positive out of the negatives in order to become happy and emit our positivity, attracting similarly positive people into our lives.

Many women tend to surround themselves with negative people, resulting in damaging effects to their state of mind. We not only have the ability to inflict our own negativities, we sometimes find ourselves existing in negative surroundings because of the people we allow into our lives.

Take our moods, for example. Have you been in a great mood but found yourself in a conversation with someone who complained about everything, unable to show any happiness for any of the good things you share with them about your life? This type of negative force sucks out our enthusiasm like a leech.

This negative power can also linger from childhood.

As children, we experience negative forces from incidents such as being reprimanded by a parent. In those moments when a parent is disciplining us, we immediately recoil and begin to feel inadequate about ourselves. If our actions are not explained to us with kindness, we’re inclined to shrivel back in fear, a fear created by the negative approach used to rectify our wrongdoing. Incidents such as these are the beginnings of allowing negativity to steer our emotions.

The critics, naysayers, and unhappy people we allow into our lives have the ability to drain our good energy, leaving us feeling unoptimistic, as though they have let the air out of our enthusiasm. The influence of negativity becomes the barometer for our moods. People who constantly live under this umbrella of negativity get so used to it that they may not even realize where their happiness has gone. They’ve simply adjusted to living that way.

If a child grows up under those influences, he or she will more than likely grow into a person with low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. As we mature, we may also acquire friendships with people who have flawed perceptions of life and the world because of injustices that occurred in their own lives.

I’m the type of person who is very sensitive to energies. When I’m around negativity, I feel low. My compassion for others forces me to try to uplift them. If I try with my best efforts to no avail and don’t walk away, I feel very uncomfortable and begin to question my own optimism. This is not a healthy situation. Some might call this a bad vibe. However we choose to label them, these energies are very contagious.

It has taken me half a lifetime to learn to walk away from those situations.

For the first few decades of my life, the veil of negativity I felt in my mother’s presence made me very uncomfortable. The unhappiness she felt in her own life reflected in the way she spoke to my siblings and me. Eventually, through enduring her moods for decades, I made a decision to walk away. Nobody should have to subject themselves to toxicity, whether from friends, family, or strangers.

Sometimes we make bad choices about who we allow into our personal lives. We may overlook someone’s flaws or feel as though we can make them better. When it turns out we can’t, we find ourselves unhappily saddled in those relationships. We tend to feel obligated to these friendships out of some sort of loyalty instead of allowing ourselves to walk away.

It took me decades before I realized I couldn’t be the caretaker for everyone in my life. When I reached the point of feeling brought down by those negative influences, I learned to leave. It wasn’t easy for me to do this as a young adult. At the time, I was much more susceptible to allowing negative thoughts and people into my life, and this took a toll on me emotionally. I discovered I wasn’t feeling inner peace, yet I stayed in relationships for too long to avoid hurting others’ feelings.

Dwelling on negative thoughts doesn’t open us up to appreciating and attracting positive forces or people. When I began to reassess my life and discover ways to better myself, I read self-help books and uplifting stories about spirituality. One book in particular that made me begin to understand the effects of being positive was The Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It’s a universal fact that we attract what we project and focus on.

The old cliché “Misery loves company” is profound. It equates well with the theory of the law of attraction. Just think about it for a moment. If we’re miserable and go through life moping around with nothing positive to offer anyone in spirit or with words, what can we hope to attract? Most likely, we’ll attract likeminded people—or possibly nobody at all. In the event that we may be lucky enough to attract a high-spirited person who extends a helping hand to us, it would be a blessing and a longshot.

ABOUT the Author

D.G. Kaye is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir writer who writes about her own life experiences and about how she learned to overcome emotional abuse and low self-esteem. She writes on topics such as: kindness, forgiveness self-growth, and compassion. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When she isn’t writing books, you can find her on her blog at DGKayewriter.com where you’ll find an eclectic mix of life lessons, rants of injustice, writing tips, book reviews, and featured interviews of guest authors. She’s known to inject humor into her work whenever it’s warranted. D.G.’s motto is: Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!

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About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCACAward-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life.
I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves).
For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world."
I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime.
Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

Thanks for sharing this insightful excerpt of “Words We Carry” here, Debby. You sure have a way with words. Everything you say sounds so familiar and to the point. I recognize what you describe in regards to your mother in a relationship I have with a dear loved one. You are correct about the loyalty feeling. And, while I initially thought I could be the positive and encouraging side of this relationship, after years, I have to give up. I have realized that I have become more negative because of it. So draining…

I am so sorry to hear that you struggled for so long with a difficult relationship out of loyalty – but it seems as if you distinguished that loyalty could be a good thing or a bad thing, and that sometimes you have to walk away when your your own emotions are being dragged down repeatedly. (Been there myself – and I know it isn’t an easy choice to make.)

I agree that Deb articulates it wonderfully, as well as giving us hope that we, too, can get beyond it. Thanks for ringing in.
xx,
mgh

Wonderful post! It’s true that words can bless or curse, and as children we don’t know that we have the power to agree or disagree with words aimed at us, so everything seems to stick. Until we become adults and hopefully learn that we have the power to unpack the bad words and decorate our lives with the good ones. Thank you for sharing this.

Yes, it is, and at the end of the day, it is how we handle those words which we can use to heal us or bring us down. Which is why Debby’s book title is so true.. We at the end of the day choose to carry them.. ❤ xxx

Thanks, Madelyn. I have read one of Debby’s books, but must read some of the others, for sure. I think that, like a lot of people, sometimes I can churn over and delve on what others tell me, but in recent years I try not to take things personally, as most of it has more to do with the person saying the words and how they are feeling than with the person they address them to. Great advice.

I, too, have other books by Deb on my TBR list – and now that it is getting blustery outside I may get to more reading, snuggled up on the couch with my puppy.

It took me some years to jettison a tendency to personalize, but it gets progressively easier — the older I get, the less I care what they think – and the more empathy I have for the folks who have to be snarky to feel good about themselves.

It’s amazing how a negative nickname can be so damaging. Your article, Debby, along with so many comments on this made me think about Trump’s tactic of demeaning people by giving them nicknames. It is mean and cowardly to raise yourself up only by demeaning others. A well timed and well needed article.

I felt the same way, Luna. I think most of us struggle with self-image and self-esteem until we work on ourselves. Even those with excellent parenting have to deal with school bullies, taunting and mean comments from kids where were NOT so fortunate, and those words sting as we take them in, too young to have developed cognitive defenses.

This post hits home to writers like me who must reckon with assaults on our self-esteem merely by choosing the writing life. Those who get published usually have to bear criticism (well-intentioned or not) from beta readers, editors, publishers who reject, etc. Writing of any kind is not for sissies.

Like many others here, I have many of Debby books on my Kindle shelf, including Words We Carry. Thank you, Debby and Madelyn! 🙂

Thanks for the comment, Marian. IMHO, this book is deceptively “simple” – big changes in thinking possible as we easily follow Deb’s words about her journey toward self-acceptance, hardly aware that we are changing some of our thoughts about our own lives as we read.
xx,
mgh

Took me a while to get here, but definitely better late than never. Fabulous post by Debby. You can see by all the comments how much many of us relate to ‘naming’ and self-esteem. When I was pre-teen, my dad loved to called me ‘Tubby.’ I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t thin, either, like my mom, who was tiny and lithe. From then on, I always thought of myself as chubby and ugly. I’m not blaming my dad. He loved me. He thought it was a cute nickname. But it took me many many years to not think of myself as a “Tubby.”

PERFECT example of how supposedly “cute” nicknames can affect us negatively. I wish all parents – all people, actually – were aware of how powerful repeated words can be, and how long-lasting.

Too bad your Dad didn’t know to show his fondness by calling you “beauty” or something with a totally positive connotation. It makes a HUGE difference.

I did it to myself in a couple of situations, but fortunately for me they were at opposite ends of the spectrum.

In one place we lived I had a friend who was extremely thin, so, by comparison, I labeled myself fat. When we moved I had an overweight friend and my label (to myself) was “skinny.” In reality I was at the perfect weight for my height in both situations. Fortunately for me, neither of my friends (or anybody else) ever called me names based on a comparison between our physical appearance – so I was able to find my way relatively quickly, with a little help from my Dad.
xx,
mgh

Reblogged this on When Women Inspire and commented:
This is an article about self-esteem that I highly recommend you read when you have a few minutes. It is written by author D.G. Kaye as a guest post for Madelyn Griffith-Haynie’s quality site ADD and So Much More. The sections of the article about negative power and pet names in particular were educational to me.

On a personal note, I consider Madelyn and D.G. to both women I look up to as they are intelligent and openly express their opinions in respectful ways without apology. They inspire me! Feel free to leave a comment for me below about a women (whether you know her personally or not) who inspires you.

How wonderful to see Debby here at your site, Madelyn! I love the reciprocal posting 🙂

These lines in particular spoke to me: “It’s all about taking the time to stop and listen, paying attention to the things that bother us instead of surrendering to them.” Yes! It’s so much easier to ignore what feels uncomfortable but that won’t help us grow emotionally.

I never really thought about the damage that “pet names” could do until I read that part of your post here, Debby. I will be extra careful if ever I happen to use one for somebody. I wouldn’t want to unintentionally scar them!

I love you both so much, Madelyn and Debby. I already have my posts set for today so I will reblog this one on the weekend. ❤

Hi sweet Christy. Thanks so much for coming over to read and your offer to share as you are always so generous with your sharing. Sometimes we aren’t even aware that we hurt someone with no intent with such things as pet names. Sometimes these names are given in childhood because a family member thinks they’re cute or funny and they stick way longer after the cuteness has worn its welcome. As I just wrote in my newest book on a chapter about Fighting Fair, hurtful words we use will stain the archives of our minds long after apologies and forgiveness have been granted. ❤ xoxo

SO true, Deb. Our brains are designed to hold on to “dangers” to keep us safe. Unfortunately, our brains can’t tell the difference between a physical danger and one that is psychological (like hurt feelings, for example). As a result, it files the info for instant retrieval, so feelings get hurt repeatedly, even when the person understands intellectually (consciously) that no hurt was intended.
xx,
mgh

I was glad to see that too, Jane. Hopefully it will make folks think twice about nicknames. Many would probably be stunned to learn that what they now think of as fond demonstrations of long-time acquaintance (or use simply out of habit) STING.
xx,
mgh

Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Non-fiction author D.G. Kaye also known to us as Debby Gies, is the guest today of Madelyn Griffith-Haynie. The subject is self-esteem, which is a precious commodity. Not the showy, narcissistic ‘I am the greatest’ kind of esteem but one that allows you to live life to the full, happy with who you are and able to share that with others. It is a fragile state that if not carefully nurtured in a child can turn into a life long fear of being who you really are. Debby does not sugar coat the actions you need to take when in a relationship that is toxic…. head over and heed wise words. #recommended

A very interesting post, Debby. I thought your comments on nicknames were intriguing. Everyone in my family has a nick name and I have nick names for both my boys. I will have to check now and see if they don’t like it. I do recall that my youngest sister, who we used to call baby, requested that we stop calling her that name when she was three years old. Just as well or she would probably still be Baby.

You are such kind-hearted person to immediately think about asking your boys about their nicknames, Robbie – even when the nicknames are simply truncations (Rob for Robert, etc.). My mother Jackie and my sister were both named Jacqueline. It turned out my sister never liked JJ, Jaydie, or Jayde (“Jaydiebird” as a tiny girl) – but she never spoke up about it until she was an adult and insisted on Jaye. It was so tough to remember that after several decades of calling her JJ – but we all really tried and eventually succeeded.

I was like your “baby” sister. I forcefully corrected adults who called me Maddy when I was about three as well — too young, even, to pronounce my own name correctly (which led to a different nickname which my father used until he died – the ONLY person allowed to do so).

A Spanish teacher in the 7th grade gave us all Spanish names and made us use them – and, as the perpetual “new girl,” I really hated that stupid idea. Some kids didn’t ever learn my “real” name before my family moved again and I changed schools. (it almost ruined my eagerness to learn Spanish evermore!)

Even today it really rankles when people assume that calling me some truncation of Madelyn is cute – “friendly” even. Some actually DEFEND that bad habit when I nicely correct them. I tend to avoid those folks – ONLY a very few people in my life who’ve known me for decades get a pass on that one, emotionally.

I learned early on to ask for another reason, too. In my childhood, family friends were always referred to by their first names – Mrs. or General so-and-so was NOT a sign of respect. It meant “keep your distance” in all but a few cases. So I find it actually off-putting to use the more formal convention, but I don’t automatically assume others feel “closer” when I call them by their first names, even now. I use the name by which they introduce themselves.
xx,
mgh

Interesting, Madelyn. I have been called Robbie all my life and never Roberta. I don’t like Roberta. I do get some interesting variations like Robyn, Rebecca, Ronnie and even Mr Cheadle [smile]. When I was young we called all adults by their surname, teachers and parents. Relatives were Aunt or Uncle. This was a sign of respect. I like it and wish it hadn’t fallen away.

Most people do the last name “restpect”” thing. Personally, it makes me feel older than the gods when people use my last name (plus they usually omit the first part – folks STILL can’t handle double last names ::sigh::) — ditto,”ma’am”. Different strokes.
xx,
mgh

It all makes sense M. I love calling you M, but remember, I did ask your permission 🙂 I have a habit of shortening names of people I become friends with, especially ones with 3 syllable names, lol. It’s amazing I can keep track of the so many writer friends just by their initials like you, and at least 5 others I refer to by initial. Call me crazy, ok, but they know it’s done with affection. I think we have to earn those freedoms. 🙂 xxx

“mgh” came about to distinguish me from another of the only 7 TeleClass Leaders in the world at the dawn of that particular day (phone-based training). Otherwise we would both have been “Madelyn from New York” (how both participants and TCL’s identified themselves before speaking) — which would have been very confusing for the participants.

Earlier in my life, working as an indie contractor for a Big Eight Consulting Firm (at the time), members of the team had to initial communications. We developed the habit of identifying ourselves in the same manner over the phone. I didn’t mind since we all did it – so when it came up in the Coaching universe, it seemed the best way to handle “the Madelyn problem.” It stuck (and certainly is quicker and easier to type). 🙂
xx,
mgh

Hi Robbie. I’m glad this post made you stop and think. It’s so easy to take these nicknames for granted and they stick, not always a good thing as I share more in my book about a childhood name that still remains out of habit today with my siblings. Sounds like your sister was smart at age 3! 🙂 x

Madelyn, thank you so much for having me over to your esteemed blog. I was thrilled to share a little bit about a topic that I feel strongly about. So many of us suffer or suffered self-esteem issues. Fortunately topics like this have been brought to light and discussed with so much help available, therapy and books. Books helped me overcome many issues I suffered from growing up in a dysfunctional family, so I felt compelled to write one myself. I’m astounded by the amount of people that took so much from this book. So I continue to write about life.
Just a treat to be here my friend. 🙂 And you know I’ll be reblogging this too after it’s marinated here for a bit, lol. 🙂 ❤ xx

Such a powerful post, Madelyn and Deb. At times, people don’t even realize they’re troubled, much less operating from a place of fear. As you said, Deb, getting to the root of the problem is crucial. This requires a heightened level of awareness that escapes some folks. Perhaps if we were not afraid to be honest with one another regarding our behavior, more of us would evolve positively. You exemplify this so eloquently in your books, Deb. And you, Madelyn, are the queen of candor on your blog. I love you, girlfriends, and am so grateful to know you ❤❤

Great post from the two of you, Debby and Madelyn. It is amazing how long those negative experiences hang on, what a significant impact they had on our formative selves. It takes a lot of painful work to undo them, but how liberating to step out from under the old hurts and realize that we don’t have to lug them around forever. ❤

ABSOLUTELY! Change and growth ain’t for sissies – lol – but its the only way to move into the light of understanding and turn our wounds into scars that remind us of how far we’ve come.

Spent Sunday night snuggled in bed with my Kindle reading Catlings Bane, so I can’t help reading your comment thinking about Catling’s early hurts (and now her most recent scars).

WONDERFUL book, Diana – with fascinating metaphors for growth and development as well as imaginative descriptions of the ills of the “powerful” (especially relevant to what’s happening with American “influencers” these days, IMHO).

I’m still digesting, but will be giving it a much deserved 5-star review as I continue with this 4-book series. Even though fantasy and sci-fi are not normally what I am drawn to read, the world you have created has hooked me through your wonderfully complex characters. Kudos.
xx,

What a lovely comment, Madelyn, thank you. I can’t help reflect on my experiences and values as I write and they filter into my characters. I put poor Catling through the ringer, but she eventually… ha ha. No spoilers. ❤

I think that “spoilers” would be impossible in my case, Diana. Even if I knew the entire plotline, I’d still want to read the way you wrote about it. As for being put through ringers, nobody really escapes — just like in life! This series would make an amazing movie (or four?) – rivaling the Hunger Games.
xx,
mgh

No doubt – but I’ll bet many get tossed aside after the first paragraph. Yours would not. You could also think about who would play your characters and send books to THEM with a note explaining why you think they’d be perfect for the project. More than a few films were developed in exactly that manner.
xx,
mgh

Thanks Diana. No, we don’t have to lug them around forever, but it’s a lot of work to cover to get out of that place where hurt lingers. We have to want to do the work, but it beats being unhappy and so gratifying. 🙂 ❤

Brilliant Debby- its naked honesty makes it truely relateable. I think many of us struggle with self esteem in various times in life especially in the shadow of a negative relationship. I think that points of learning to deal with it are extremely valid: the past cannot harm you it’s a ghost and you can with patience try to relearn your habitual reactions to old circumstances that seem much like those that triggered it all in the past.

Finally I always thing we need to bear in mind that we should show ourselves the same compassion we would grant to a troubled stranger without a second thought. Thank you for sharing and Madelyn thank you for hosting.

Another thoughtful and multi-layered comment, Paul. Thank you. I am eager for Deb to read it.

SPEAKING OF READING – I still haven’t found the time to give ‘Rhymer’ the 5-star review it deserves. I don’t know how I can say anything that Sally hasn’t already said better, however. I agree with every single word of her review.

Read the “look inside” preview of ‘FInn’ last night, and can’t wait to dig into that book too.
xx, mgh

Dear Madelyn…. now I know this is not going to make me popular… but to be honest the review isn’t important. What is important is that someone whose work I respect. And that I now have grown to value and love as a friend because .. well because of a hell of a lot of things actually… likes my work. Again (not a very popular thing to say) but knowing that is worth more than all the five star reviews in the world. Luv from yor m8 Px

Thank you Paul. You’re so right, it’s the ghost of the past that haunts us. But there is always a way we can learn to rise above, either by nurturing from friends or loved ones, therapy, or like me, self-help books taught me a lot. It’s a giant leap but if we don’t take it, it’s so easy to get stuck in that unhappy past. 🙂

Yes absolutely. This is what humans are. Animals that can take second hand experiences (often from the comfort of our armchair) and with a little imagination make them our own and learn from them without the agony of having to go through them.

. . . animals who can take those lessons and pass them on by weaving them into tales of imaginary adventures of imaginary people in imaginary lands . . . so vividly we can feel as if those adventures are our own, even though we’ve never left the comfort of those armchairs.
xx,
mgh

I love the inclusive supportiveness of the entire writing community here on WordPress, Michael. So when I am able to do some little bit to get the word out within the context of what I do here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, it is my honor and pleasure to do so.
xx,
mgh

It’s a sad statement on society that I know very few people who don’t have issues with low self-esteem. Like you, Debby, it took decades before I was happy in my own skin and had learned to love myself. Something has to change in society and specifically in parenting to end this.

It IS sad, isn’t it? And I agree that a great deal of it begins at home when we are so young we simply take it all in before we can defend against it. Our schools must change as well.

Parenting is a difficult job in the best of situations, but the legacy of “tough love” parenting has done humanity no favors, sending even folks who are otherwise psychologically healthy in directions that are harmful to the next generation.

I often think it’s too bad we don’t need to obtain some sort of a “drivers license” to procreate — after reading some sort of manual (or at least mandatory classes – lol).

It probably could change the world. Most of the nastiness and abuse comes from those who need to bully and lord their power on others to make themselves feel better for what they’re lacking in self-esteem. Someone ‘orange’ comes to mind, lol. 🙂 xx

It is a constant battle for me to feel worthy of the good things in my life and I have been so blessed. I’ve had dark times, too, of course and some resulted in me being at the lowest points of my life thus far. I, too, have found I must limit my exposure to toxic/negative people or it will bring me down. I am very protective of my psyche and my husband is also good at identifying when I am on a negative bent and lovingly points it out to me so I can change direction. I love Debby’s positive message!

I’m sure I’m not alone in my amazement at how many people admit they struggle with self-esteem – and I just felt it again reading your comment. Thank you so much for sharing.

I think most of us believe we are alone in the self-esteem challenge – a “just me” kind of thing. I believe we ALL struggle with it to some extent – self-doubt has deep roots that are tough to kill.

How lucky you are to have such a supportive husband, willing to hold up a mirror in loving ways. I’m with you on limiting exposure to negativity. It tends to drag me down in a heartbeat. Humor helps, but I simply cannot be around the folks who seem intent on dwelling on the negative, as much as I’d love to help by giving them a positive boost.
xx,
mgh

Thank you Molly. I’m glad to hear you’re learning to stay away from those negative forces, that’s something that took me a long time to realize that negative people surrounding us don’t do any good for our enrichment or self-esteem. I’m glad to hear you have such a supportive husband, so you’re on the right path. 🙂

Personally, I have always had a problem with self esteem. For most of my life I never thought I deserved any, but I seem to have picked up a little along the way. Something about old dogs and new tricks comes to mind!

That is not a friendly name for a child. I”m sure it was intended to mean you talk too much, and telling a child they talk too much hinders their creative freedoms. I know the world isn’t perfect right now, but the last generation had a lot to learn. Thank you. 🙂

STILL, unfortunately, Deb. As products of the parenting they received they have my sympathies, but I cut them NO slack for neglecting to take steps to endeavor to overcome it and stop passing it on.

My mother stopped abuse in a single generation. COLD. She was one of the most supportive individuals in my life (and the lives of all she touched) – even though she got nothing but hatefulness from my grandmother. It really is up to us to transform that negativity in our world. I LOVE your books because you do exactly that.
xx,
mgh

Awwwww – my mother would have LOVED you Deb (and this book would have connected more than a few dots in her own life).

I wish she could have read it, actually – as she was in denial about the truth that her mother was sadistic (pleasure from causing pain – physical OR mental) – still making excuses for Millie, right up to her own death, even though she would never have done to us what was done to her.

I spent a few years in therapy to be able to face the truth myself, actually – and I wasn’t raised by my grandmother.
xx,
mgh

Wow, that is powerful how abuse from 2 generations ahead of you can even affect you because of how it affected your mom. Your mom must have been a rock to endure that abuse and come out being a good mom. ❤

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