Monday, March 22, 2010

I am more than just books

OK, recently I have been thinking that although I started this blog as a way to review books, I never intended it to be the sole purpose. I had thought that this would be a good way to get things off my chest and work through ideas and thoughts and struggles even. Then I quickly discovered that anyone else stumbling across this can read all about the intimate thoughts I am putting down. So I quickly recoiled at this and have been using it for reviewing books and nothing more. However I wondered that with there being no personal posts on here at all, readers will never get to know me as a person and so why would they respect what I have to say when reviewing a book?

In light of this revelation I am going to try to be more personal in some of my posts. Now being an introvert, book reviews are much easier to swallow than a personal post, but I need to push myself beyond my comfort zone once in a while and this is going to be my new foray into the uncomfortable.

I guess you will have to bear with me as well on this journey as I am not really sure what to say that will be of any interest to those readers that stumble upon it. Do I talk about all my "woe-is-me" struggles? Do I include the mundane things or omit them in order to keep the reader awake? Well I guess all of these things can be mulled over at another time and I will simply begin with me and my family and friends.

My family is the only constant factor in my life. For as long as I can remember, and even before that, we have been wanderers, nomads of a sort. My dad was always working on a degree of some kind and when he finished being a student, he became a teacher. We bounced around from the Southern US to the North-East US and then back to Canada. There were many houses and schools and new friends to be made at each new place, not to mention mourning the loss of those I had just left behind. To this day the longest I have ever lived in one place is four years. To me that has become the norm, but when I state that fact I can see most people's jaw drop a little.

I don't say this to elicit any pity or even sympathy. This is just a part of who I am now and I think it created strong sense of independence in me. Some would argue that this is a defense mechanism and that I am using it as a crutch, I would disagree. If I had no working friendships and could never invest in others for fear of having them or me exit the relationship for some reason, then yes that would be debilitating and I would be in need of fixing. I however have many deep long lasting friendships that are very dear to me. We may not live in the same city but they are always close to my heart and in my thoughts often.

So why am I telling you all of this? Lately I have had several friends, that I have not talked to in quite some time, call me and we had a great talk that left me reveling in the warmth of all that a true friend is and should be. It was spectacular! My family is going through a rough time right now and it was good to reconnect with my beloved friends. Some of my best memories have been formed with these amazing people and I would love to gather them all to live close by so we could connect more often. They are a constant support for me in trouble, as they all display the love of God to me through their example.

It has also drawn me back to relying heavily on God. I am not sure about the rest of the world, but I tend to wander off the path God has set out for me. Not knowingly or maliciously, more like a curious child wanting to get a closer look at all the pretty flowers in the forest and then realizing she has wandered too far. The most comforting thing is that I just have to call out the name of my Saviour to find that he has been standing waiting for me, ever so patiently standing on the path and wanting me to rejoin Him on the journey we are taking together.