New here, never done this before

Hello to all, I've never joined a forum like this before. I am an introvert, and always keep to myself. I never ask for help in anything, but I think even though I don't want to ask, I need it. I am 18 years old, but have felt suicidal since I was 12. I'm at the breaking point, I can't hide how terrible I feel anymore. I have always helped others with their problems, but never shared any of my own. Helping others was what kept me going all those years. Now that I'm in college, I don't have anyone to help. I don't like meeting or speaking to people. I've distanced myself from friends because I realized that I've never really wanted to be with them anyway. I only spend time with people because they ask me to. Among friends, family, and classmates, I have always played the counselor. They come to me for advice and help, I never understood why. Work is the only thing that matters, but I can't get enough to do. I finish everything much too quickly, and just end up sitting at my desk, I even do tasks I'm not hired to do, but there still isn't enough to keep busy. I feel useless all the time. It gets increasingly hard to get out of bed each day. Yesterday I didn't get up at all, skipping school and work. I stopped exercising weeks ago. Normally I act cheerful around others, just to keep them away from me. Now I can't even do that. I really don't know why I'm here, I don't want others to know how I feel.

2. its o.k if people use you for advice. infact keep it up. never be tired of helping people out with their problems. sooner or later in life, you will see the law of sowing and reaping in effect. what goes around eventually does come around. every action always has an opposite and equal reactions. with no exceptions. it doesn't matter when and how; it eventually does. these are universal laws.

remember the only way to cure social phobia is to accept that the feelings of being anxious around people as normal emotions inherent in all humans, with varying degrees. the only way to get around this is to put yourself around others and experience that discomfort(which eventually passes away as time heals all wounds). yes face your fears. eventually, you will discover that practice makes perfect and you are nolonger scared and nervous. the only way to learn how to swim is to dive into the water. not to read a manual.
get ready to scared to death, but act anyways. life is an adventure, otherwise it would be very boring!

Hey, Kayetan. I know what you mean when you don't want others to know how you feel. I'm like that, and still am. It's really hard, and sometimes it feels like you almost need people to reach out to you, before you reach out to them. Just hang tough, and give things a shot. It sounds impossible now, but you'll find friends soon enough Feel free to PM me anytime or add me on MSN. I'd be glad to talk anytime, as well as many others on the site.

OMG i swear you could have been reading my thoughts! i identify with so much of what you said. there are many more here that do to so dont feel alone. :welcome: and i hope you find the suuport you need here.

:welcome: to SF. You have taken a huge first step in telling us how you feel. Some people have a great difficulty allowing others in. That is so understandable. Sometimes by helping others, we find answers ourselves. You may need to step back and listen to some of your own advice. I am glad you chose to share with us and i hope you feel comfortable in doing it again. Stay safe and take care. :hug:

kayetan :welcome: to sf. glad you're here and sorry to hear about your problems. i'm the same way as you in not wanting to be around ppl. i am afraid to leave the house. feel free to find me on msn or pm me if you ever want to talk.:hug:
take care and stay safe