Dear Harlan: I’ve been in a relationship for the past five years. We started dating in high school and have been together ever since. My girlfriend is a part of my family. My parents and sisters love her. We are spending the summer apart because she had to stay at school and work. I thought our relationship was rock-solid, until last weekend. She confessed to kissing another guy the night before. This is someone she told me was just a friend, although I’ve never felt good about their friendship. She reassured me that it was just a friendship, and she cried on the phone, explaining that she had been drinking and it didn’t mean anything. I reacted by wanting to break up with her; however, it’s now been a week, and I miss her. I want to give her a second chance, but I’ll always wonder what she’s doing with her “friend.” Is there any way to still make this work? — Broken

Dear Broken: Of course you miss her. She’s been your best friend your entire adult life. But if you can’t trust her, you can’t date her. Trust is the glue that holds you together. When she violates that trust, the foundation that has kept you together becomes weak. Don’t make this about the kiss; make this about trust. That will help you to see whether the relationship can be fixed. Before you have any conversations, trust and believe that you have options. You must believe that you have other women to date. When you have options, you can listen to the truth. When you don’t believe you have options, it’s hard to listen because you’re too scared of being alone. Talk to her from a place of curiosity and concern (not just hurt). The time apart will help you to be less emotional and confrontational). Why did she do this? Does she need a break? Does she want to experience something else? How long has she been feeling like this? Once she can explain why she got drunk and kissed another guy, you can decide to either stay with her or move on. If alcohol and this guy are the issue, feel free to ask her to give up both. If she can’t, then you can’t trust her.

Dear Harlan, I kissed a guy at a bar a few months ago. We were both pretty drunk, and the bar was really packed and chaotic, so we didn’t really get to talk. We didn’t even exchange names until an awkward run-in on campus a few weeks later. I found him on Facebook, messaged him and he gave me his number. I want to text him, but I’m not sure if I should since I’m the one who Facebook messaged him and he hasn’t made any contact since (he also has my number). He just graduated and isn’t sure where he’s going to end up, so that may be part of the reason he hasn’t contacted me. Should I wait for him to make a move? My friends are telling me to text him, but I have no idea what to even say. – Speechless

Dear Speechless, This is a beautiful love story. The only thing missing is a conversation. Forget making a move — form a complete sentence and share it. Listen to your friends. Reach out to him and engage in coherent dialogue. That’s all. For example, you can wish him a happy graduation via text. Then, you can ask him what he’s planning on doing this summer. Forget looking for a kiss or a date — see if you can get a response. Once you can have a real conversation without expectations of something physical, you can figure out what, if anything, will happen next. And if you can’t even text him a complete thought with a complete idea, completely give up on the idea of him.

Dear Harlan: I’m a 34-year-old gay man, partnered to a wonderful man for about five years now. We have a great life, a solid relationship and an excellent sex life. For about a year now, we’ve experimented with an open sexual relationship. While my partner is in New York for the next week, I decided to catch up with some friends. Last night I went out with a few people, and we ended the night at my place. Because they couldn’t drive, two people had to crash. One I’ve known for years; he’s a straight guy, really cool. The other person crashing is this girl he’s sort of into. By “sort of into,” I mean he just wants to get into her pants. He eventually crashed in the guest bedroom and she crashed on the couch. At some point in the night – I’m seriously the world’s heaviest sleeper – she decided to crawl into bed with me. I don’t recall what time, but the first thing I remember is waking up to some serious “activity.” I was asleep. I also realize that my physical reaction to her was simply the reaction to the activity, not the individual. However, at the time, my reaction was split between sheer panic of having a naked woman in my bed and all over me, and “should I just go with it?” I eventually stopped her, but now I feel creepy for several reasons. First, I did kind of enjoy it, and that’s freaking me out. Second, if the straight guy sleeping in the guest room came on to her the way she came on to me, he’d likely be a registered sex offender by now. Third, my partner and I are “open,” and we do have a don’t-ask, don’t-tell rule, but I feel like messing around with a gal kind of goes outside those boundaries. Finally, how do I make this not awkward? – Awkward

Dear Awkward: Your penis might have consented, but your penis doesn’t know the difference between a man or a woman. Waking up in this situation is totally confusing. Processing it is even more confusing. Let’s call it what it is: sexual assault. You didn’t consent; you were sleeping. Now, you need people in your corner. You did nothing wrong. Talk to your partner, contact a professional and talk to law enforcement. Oh, and countless gay men have slept with women throughout history (while awake). Many even fathered children. Yep, still gay. Don’t let this one drunken sexual assault confuse you.