Sunday, June 18, 2006

Babies Are Evil!

Paris, France: Chaos hit the streets of the Capital of Culture today, as gangs of brawling babies turned violent. The rampaging rogues in nappies upturned cars, smashed windows, and burned bikes in a day of protests aimed at dummy-reform laws introduced into Parliament by the Chirac Government.A typical evil baby.

President Chirac and Prime Minister de Villepin held crisis talks today about the baby problem. "We cannot give in to the demands of these babies," stated Chirac, "whatever the demands these babies are making happen to be." At this point, he pounded the table for emphasis, forgetting that he did not have a table.What can have caused these babies to turn violent? Several theories are current, including: they are following orders of a shady international conspiracy of toddlers; they are hungry and want a drink; or, they just want their mummies.But it is clear that something must be done about these babies, and done now.

IN OTHER BABY DEVELOPMENTS:Canberra, Australia: - Angry babies marched on the Prime Minister's office, demanding immediate change. Although they didn't so much march as crawl. And it's not entirely clear what sort of change they were demanding, as they hadn't learned to talk yet. But they did gurgle quite eloquently. One politician has suggested that their nappies may need changing.

Smigginston, Ohio: - Two naughty babies were found in a movie theatre watching Bride of Chucky without having paid for a ticket. Their parents have been notified.

Dusseldorf, Germany: - A gang of naughty babies called the Terrible Toddlers have successfully annoyed their parents by pissing, pooing, vomiting, bawling, and conspiring to take over the world.

DID YOU KNOW: - In 1926, the Prince of Austria attempted to start WW II by sending the Prime Minister of France a baby. The baby was so cute, that they both agreed to forgive all their differences, and peace was declared.