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Month: December 2014

In your mind what is the worst thing you could do?
In my opinion the worst thing that you could ever do is wait. When you’re waiting you really can’t do anything, but wait. It is as if you are helpless to the very act of waiting. That is exactly what is happening, when you’re waiting you are helpless. you don’t make the change, you don’t act, you just wait. You’re counting the minutes, looking at your phone every couple minutes, time is a chain and your its captive. Why are you waiting is it really worth being a prisoner, your sanity in the hands of a clock? If the answer is no it’s time to stop waiting. It’s time to either move on, or attack the source. If the answer is yes, then you just keep waiting and either that will push you to another moment of ambivelance or finally the subject of your heartache is ready to initiate. Waiting is a game of the mind and the heart, you have to do right by both. If your mind is constantly telling you it’s not worth it your heart will be at unrest. If you heart is telling you it’s not worth it your mind will constantly be thinking of the what ifs. Your mind and your heart need to find harmony and you need to be ready to wait. I hate waiting that is no secret. I know however that I need to be able to wait, because the best things in life are worth the wait.

I feel something building up I feel my heart racing and my lungs failing to catch a full breath my eyes can’t seem to focus on what’s here and my ears can’t seem to listen to the current I want something to change and I think it’s coming a new year a new day I don’t know if I am waiting with excitement or with anxiety is my heart racing and my lungs failing due to the rush before something great or is it the due to the anxiety of the unknown

How will my life turn out? What will I accomplish with the short time I have on the earth? What do I want for this world? Why ask the questions at all?

I know that this inquiry makes things worse I know that fear is present when the future lives in it but what am I to do? I want to know where I’m going but how does one truly determine their path? there are so many options so many ways to go how do you pick how do you choose? I love the options but I also hate them I want a defined path a defined future but that is to much to ask for no one truly has what they want no one truly knows what they need and no one truly knows where the future will take them

But I’m the person who wants to know who seeks those answers even if it causes anxiety or panic this desire the unequaled fire that consumes everything it touches it has no limit but one burn out and I want to know that day I want to when will that fire burn its brightest?

I want to reach my fullest potential as a person but I know to start or where to go I don’t what my dreams are because they are fleeting some people, they know; but I am not one of them.

So what is it excitement or anxiety? where do I fall? am i excited for the potential or anxious to find answers I know will never come

All in all I live in the grey ambivalence forever waiting to pick a side a perspective to live by.

I’m on the brink
waiting, watching
trying to see how it will all play out
I keep waiting for something new
something that will bring me to the edge
I need to discover
I need something new
a change
I feel the dullness of everyday
never ending, foreverness full of monotony
I want to find something that enlightens inspires and fulfills
but I’ve been falling flat
I’m on the brink I know it’s out there
I know it’s just around the corner
but the brink is so far
the brink is so taunting
I don’t know if I can wait for the brink to break
for me to make those final steps
The brink has never been so frustrating as the day before it’s reached
so close to the end but never quite making it to the end
I’m stuck on the brink