Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

So when I go looking for ladies I usually go out by myself, or with female friends. I never understood why dudes felt the need to bring more dudes out to hit on the women they could be hitting on. Anyway on the rare occasions I do go out with other guys there usually newbies, that know nothing about Game, and are amazed at my bravery to go up and talk to hot women. (Like this is some major feat. lol) When I’m finished usually collecting a couple of numbers I’ll go back to the guy table and the conversation will go something like this.

OPENING is the most OVERATED part of game hands down! It’s ridiculous to see how many people idolize the pickup lines. Or even worse! The aspiring PUA that spends several hours each day reading multiple e-books on pickup lines.

They get suckered into these lame books by clicking on stupid links like “How to Get Her into Bed by just Whispering this Simple Opener” Argh, it disgusting! The people that write that crap should hang themselves.

For those poor chumps that are just getting started in the Game, or maybe even those who have been in the Game for a long time, but still struggle on openers, allow me to provide you with some clarity. If you’re saying “I don’t know what to say to her” what you’re really saying is.

A) I have Approach Anxiety, and can only rationalize this fear as “not knowing what to say."

and/or

B) I haven’t learned how to have a basic conversation with an attractive female.

Let’s examine this for a second shall we. You have been searching all week for the greatest opener of all time, and you found it! I mean it’s like the pickup gods came down from the heavens and handed you the world’s greatest pick up line chiseled onto a stone tablet. You cannot wait to try this baby out!
So you get to the club, look towards the bar, and see two smoking hot blondes nursing their vodka tonics. This is it, the moment of truth let’s see what happens.

Scenario 1

*Inner- monologue* “Whoa, those girls are hot. Should I go up and talk to them? They look like there in a serious conversation. I don’t know, I think that pickup line may not work in this situation. I’m sure if I use that pickup line I’ll just look like an idiot and get blown out. Damn! I knew I should’ve just paid that thirty dollars and bought the One Hundred Pickup Lines That Instantly Turn Her On e-book. Well… I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call this night a wash, I’m mainly here just to hang out with my friends anyway. Tomorrow I’m gonna buy that e-book, and then I will know exactly what to say!”

Raise your hand if you see the problem in this scenario? I’ll give you hint, it ain’t the opener! (It almost never is.) It’s approach anxiety which has unfortunately reared its ugly head in the form of needing more information.

“Don’t worry poor fragile ego, because once I learn THIS, I’ll be able to do THAT.”

Wow! Well isn’t that a conveniently easy way to pussy out of talking to girls. I am amazed to see just how many people believe that they’re struggling with openers, when in reality they’re struggling with approach anxiety. Know the difference!

Scenario 2

Aspiring PUA: “Excuse me ladies I don’t mean to bother you, but I just had to tell you [Insert magic pickup line of greatness here]”

Alright gentlemen, who wants to take a wild guess what the problem was here. Again it ain’t the opener! If you said poor conversation skills Ding! Ding! Ding! You win one hundred fictitious points!

One of the biggest misconceptions about openers is the first few words are the most important. FALSE! A lot of times when you’re in night clubs and bars women don’t even here your first few words. Instead they judge you by your non-verbals. (I’ll go into this in another post). The fact is it’s way more important to focus on basic conversation skills, rather then what your introductions is going to be. Look at the conversation as a whole; don’t just idealize the first few words.

*inner monologue* “But how do I begin a conversation with a women I know nothing about?”

I may give my personal take on filling the gap between you’re opening line and flowing conversation, in another post (there is also plenty of good articles on transitioning) but for now the best advice I can give you is BE IN THE MOMENT. Stop thinking about what your pickup lines gonna be, and what the line after your pickup lines gonna be. That is weak, low value, needy, BS!

Remember you’re the boss here! And you’re looking for the right employees. Is she cool enough to hang out with you? Does she get it? Or is she just simply being awkward and boring. What kind of girl are you looking for? Yes, I know a girl who will have sex with you, but I challenge you go beyond that. Think about the qualities you are looking for in a girl, and constantly be looking for these qualities in every girl you meet. This is what will force you to be in the moment, and will inevitably lead to your success.

So my aspiring PUA friends I urge you to put down that e-book (metaphorically speaking), go out, and get in the game! I promise you the best way to learn this stuff is Ready, Fire, Aim! It’s about jumping into the deep end, then learning how to swim. And when you see that cute girl you want to approach, don’t think about your opener, don’t think at all, just GO!

Re: Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

also might i remind the noobs that pickup is a numbers game; its like how in baseball the players who score the most home runs also have the most strike outs. you'll probably talk to 10 wemon to get 5 numbers to get 2 dates to get one 2nd date. you got to hang in there and work on getting experience

Re: Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

I'm a newb in approaching strangers and although I do have anxiety, it doesn't cripple me when I plan my first line. I know I have to say it and just do. When I'm feeling confident the transition is smooth. Sometimes, though, I don't feel my best and it doesn't progress.

So openers do help yes. It's not as easy as just saying do it. Do what? How? I've been not-speaking to strangers my whole life. I had learned some game 3 years ago which made my life at uni really cool. I even got a LTR for almost 3 years. At uni everyone is pretty much in the same boat and it's easy to start a conversation. But I never really learned how to approach strangers. The opening line helps imo.

Re: Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

Sometimes for me when I'm opening a stranger I pretend we are best friends, I do stuff like walk up to them and "say can you just hold this a second?" and hand them my beer.

Or I hug them and say "OMG what time do you call this?" if you smile and don't act creepy weirdo style it will work for you. Lastly the reason you ask "do what?" when talking to women that's precisely it.. it has to appear natural, don't do anything forced just relax.

Re: Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

This goes back to what many PUA's suggest, which is, women are turned off by hesitation and the best time to approach a woman is with the first 3 seconds of seeing her. My question would be what do I do when the girl I want to talk to is with a group of girls or a couple guys and a few other girls? And, what if there are guys by her, but I can't tell if she is with one of them?

Experienced both of these last weekend and took too long to decide to approach, so had my chance taken away by other guys.

Re: Don't know what to say to her? READ THIS!

As has been said here, to an extent it doesn't actually matter what you say to women to open. It almost doesn't matter at all what you've said, this was one of the biggest suprises when I realised this. You just have to go up, say something and then take it from there, as has been said it's what happens next, not what happens first.

If you're in a club and start talking to them, they will assume that you are trying to open on them. So, take advantage of that, the framing is there and if they want to rebuff you immediately then at least it's saved you a long conversation with them not to get anywhere.

In the street, you can say anything and then just let the chat flow and see where it gets. You know what you want to be saying and so almost create points in your head where you direct the conversation but don't get over run by these. If you end up just having a fun chat, then it's still a fun chat.

Oh and one piece of advice is that you should never think too much about what you will say next, just relax and flow with it. Try not to put too much pressure on it, yup you want it to happen but most importantly just enjoy the moment. If you're having fun, you're likely to be showing fun and this elicits value which is more likely to see you be successful in your pursuit for the woman.

Someone please tell me if I'm spouting BS.

And remember that one bad chat doesn't ruin everything, it's just a learning experience and another woman that you've had the balls to go up to and chat with.