Yankee Transplant

May 30th: My husband and I just moved to Texas from upNorth. Now this is a place that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful.I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 10th: It’s really heating up. Got to 100 today!Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive anair-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sunevery day like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 14th: Had the backyard landscaped with westernPlants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breezeTo maintain. No more mowing the lawn for us! AnotherScorcher today, but I love it here.

June 30th: The temperature hasn't been below 100All week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At leastit's kind of windy though. But getting used to theheat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.

July 10th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degreeBurns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What aDumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got torespect the ole' sun in a climate like this.

July 15th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into theCar when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hotCar for lunch, Morgan had died and was swollen up to thesize of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leatherupholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smellslike Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No morepets in this heat.

July 20th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blowdryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on thefritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to driveby and tell me he needed to order parts!

July 21st: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3Nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't evenGo inside. Why did I ever come here?

July 22nd: It's 105 degrees. Finally got theair-conditioner fixed today.. It cost $500 and getsthe temperature down to 85, but this humidity makes thehouse feel like it's about 95. Dumb repairman peed in mypool. I hate this stupid city!

July 23rd: If another wiseass cracks "Hot enoughFor you today?" I'm going to strangle him. By theTime I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothesAre soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

July 24th: Tried to run some errands after work. Woreshorts and20sat on the black leather seats in the car. I losttwo layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my carsmells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

July 25th: The weather report might as well be arecording: Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It'sbeen too hot to do anything for two months and theweatherman says it might really warm up next week. How can itWARM UP when it’s already 1000 freakin’ degrees?Doesn't it ever rain in this desert?? Water rationing will benext, so I might as well watch $1700 worth of cactus just dryup and blow into the pool! Even the cactus can't live inthis heat!

July 26th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 105today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield outof the car. The installer came to fix it and said,"Hot enough for you today?"

My husband had to spend the $1500 house payment tobail me out of jail.

Damn the South! WHAT KIND OF A SICK DEMENTED PERSON WOULDWANT TO LIVE HERE?!?!??!!

According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.