Recently a friend sent me a link on facebook. The link was about Bullying and how you can get through it basically by pittying the bully.
It says that bullies feel insecure and unhappy about themselves and they treat others the way they feel about themselves. And by being sorry for them and knowing that there is nothing wrong with you as a person, and you just got to be the target, you get through it better.

I read it and I disagree wholeheartedly.

I was bullied myself. It was really bad, and I spent hours and hours in my room crying.
I needed teachers to make the bullies go home so they don't get me after school.
I ran from them on foot, while they were on bikes.
I got hit, and even followed to the toilet.
They did everything to get me down and to have me feel bad.
They made kids in my neighbourhood dislike me.
They beat up my brothers.
And and and...

It was not an easy time
BUT
I had to get tough and that was all.

It was partly my fault, and partly their stupidity.
I did not fit in because I was too smart and not interested in their shit at all, and that made me a target. They were ignorant fools and I was too young to know how to react.

But I changed myself:
After we moved away from the old place, into the big city, I still came back to visit a friend sometimes. On the way I usually met some assholes from my old school. The last time one of them opened their mouth was this scenario:
Boy on bike out of fist reach: "URGH Leeeelaaaaaa!"
Me: "Get down from your bike you chicken, and I show you 'urgh leela'!"
He then rather left me alone.
I did that in such an agressive tone, that the word must have spread. I was never again approached haha

What did I do after we moved away and it was about to continue in my new school?
I fucking changed myself!
I checked out the cool kids, I checked out what they did and I reflected on my own behaviour.
And slowly I started changing.
And guess what, I didn't only survive, I wasn't afraid of school anymore, I just went there, I even made friends....
What did I change? Just small quirks of mine. Not my personality.
Small quirks and I stopped wearing the clothes my mother bought me! hahaha. Some where so bad, unbelievable

If you do it as the guy in the article states, you end up a victim, and you will suffer from it for the rest of your life.
If you reflect on yourself WHILE knowing that the stuff in the article is correct to, to a certain degree, and then you change your behaviour just a little. You are in charge, you are not a victim anymore. Yes, that's not a lazy solution, but it is much more healthy!!!

I got bullied a lot as a kid. I was skinny as a rail, timid, shy, and my mom (oh my dearest, dearest mother) never bought me a pair of actual shorts; she simply cut the legs off of my jeans. Unfortunately, she knew fuck-all about what I or other kids wanted to wear, so as the below-the-knee style was gaining momemtum, she gave me Daisy-Dukes. She sent me to school in shorts cut to the top of my thighs, and Elmo/Scooby Doo t-shirts. My personality and style of dress made me the perfect target for all the little apes who wanted to experiment with alpha-male expressions of status.

Then in middleschool, I started to demand that I at least look a certain way, but my timid nature was still a major factor and the bullying continued. In fact it was worse, because I was still quite a weakling, and the rest of the boys were bigger, stronger, and stood in packs of 10 or more. So, that's when the actual beatings started. I'd be cornered in the bathrooms, the locker rooms, even in the gym out in the open. In middleschool I had my first "girlfriend" (loosely-termed at that age) who was also exploring the world for herself, and I suppose at some point she wanted to see what it was like to take control of a "relationship" and to be spiteful toward someone who was attracted to her. She had no real reason, of course, but kids like to experiment with various roles. So she broke things off with me and cuddled up to those she knew were bullying me; intentionally trying to hurt me. It's worth laughing about now, but back then, it was a total betrayal, and it augmented the already sharp blows of their boots into my gut as I lay curled in the dirt.

I eventually found my own strength, but looking back, I'm disappointed that I didn't find it sooner. Otherwise, I would have fought back. People like to believe that bullies are all just trying to compensate for something, but the fact is that much of the time, they're just immature minds trying to experiment with the world. The way many of them do so is through bullying. This is the case throughout the animal kingdom. Young wolves wrestling and attacking one another; or chimps or gorillas. They're learning how to socialize in a group, and many of them are trying to become the alpha - just as their genes are telling them to. Then, of course, you have the ones who aren't compensating or experimenting, but are simply bullying because they like it. They victimize others because they find it enjoyable. Either way, they need to be put in their place. They need to realize - not simply be told, but realize - that they are not the alpha of the group; that they are not going to victimize anyone without cause. Sometimes, the only way to inspire that realization is by fracturing a greater portion of their facial structure or setting their backpack on fire (lol).

In a wolf pack, if a member is being needlessly victimized, they will snap at their aggressor. Nip at the ears or grab their throat in their jaws and wrestle them to the ground. This tends to settle the issue.

The wolf who submits to the aggressor gets fucked in the ass or eaten.

happy cricket: As I stated in my OP sometimes it is the target's fault sometimes it isn't. But the target always has a reason to be targeted. A funny walk, a funny voice, a wart on the nose, being too quiet, being too hyper, different clothes, pretty much everything that is different from the majority.
So either that person toughens up and ignores and let's things happen to them, OR (and that's the better solution) they fight for themselves.

Look at Misanthropic. Probably setting a schoolbad on fire is not a good thing, but it made the bullies stop! I changed my antisocial behaviour (at least at school) to blend in better.

You know, yes it is mainly the bully who has the blame! It is a huge character flaw of a person to attack someone weaker. But the weaker needs to get stronger or at least have someone to stand up for them, or it's not gonna stop.
Sad truth.

(31-12-2012 06:20 AM)bemore Wrote: Bullying is not human nature, its not part of "nature" because if it was we would all be bullies. Im sure you can see similar actions within other animal species, but they are still other animals.

Bullying is a choice, by those who either dont know the full consequence of their actions or those who do know.... choose to disregard them anyway.

I fully know the reasons why I did the shit I did, in full awareness of what I was doing.... people standing up to me wouldnt of stopped me, that is where you have to be carefull.

Bullying is most certainly part of human nature, and Nature as a whole. That's why it happens ALL OVER THE PLACE. The fact that it's part of our nature doesn't mean we "would all be bullies". Homosexuality is part of our nature, yet we're not all gay. Enjoying music is part of our nature, yet not everyone enjoys music. Sex is part of our nature (a MAJOR part, in fact), and yet not everyone engages in it.

(31-12-2012 06:20 AM)bemore Wrote: Bullying is not human nature, its not part of "nature" because if it was we would all be bullies. Im sure you can see similar actions within other animal species, but they are still other animals.

Bullying is a choice, by those who either dont know the full consequence of their actions or those who do know.... choose to disregard them anyway.

I fully know the reasons why I did the shit I did, in full awareness of what I was doing.... people standing up to me wouldnt of stopped me, that is where you have to be carefull.

Bullying is most certainly part of human nature, and Nature as a whole. That's why it happens ALL OVER THE PLACE. The fact that it's part of our nature doesn't mean we "would all be bullies". Homosexuality is part of our nature, yet we're not all gay. Enjoying music is part of our nature, yet not everyone enjoys music. Sex is part of our nature (a MAJOR part, in fact), and yet not everyone engages in it.

I would say that power systems are in place for nature.... survival of the fittest and all that, I wouldnt call it bullying though.

Bullying takes place on a social level, its not about survival.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

(31-12-2012 06:44 AM)Misanthropik Wrote: Bullying is most certainly part of human nature, and Nature as a whole. That's why it happens ALL OVER THE PLACE. The fact that it's part of our nature doesn't mean we "would all be bullies". Homosexuality is part of our nature, yet we're not all gay. Enjoying music is part of our nature, yet not everyone enjoys music. Sex is part of our nature (a MAJOR part, in fact), and yet not everyone engages in it.

I would say that power systems are in place for nature.... survival of the fittest and all that, I wouldnt call it bullying though.

Bullying takes place on a social level, its not about survival.

Our standing in the herd (or pack) has everything to do with our survival. If some animals are sick or unruly, other members of the pack will kill them for the overall good of the group. You might not "call" it bullying, and that's fine. We can call it "super-awesome-fancy-pants-time" for all I care. The underlying drive is still the same.