Monday, May 2, 2011

Daily Top 5 >>> 5/2/11 All About Osama Day

·“Barack”I was sitting on the couch watching Sportscenter when I heard about bin Laden.The first thing I said, no lie, was “my nigga Barack”. Sure there’s no video of me actually saying this, but I tested it against my family’s history of reacting to things and it came back 99.9% that I said it. Has anyone ever had as good a weekend as Obama did? It was like one long, real-life episode of Chappelle’s Show. Like the Player Hater’s Ball episode mixed with a little Black Bush in there too. Killed Donald Trump figuratively and Osama bin Laden literally. Presidential swag levels have to be at the highest levels since 1997, when Bill Clinton crawled into bed with Hillary for the first time after getting some mouth from Monica Lewinsky.

·“Proof”All the excitement aside, I need a little more than Obama’s word that bin Laden got got. I know that, as a good American, I should just take what my leader says and roll with it. But that’s the type of shit that has us fighting the entire Middle East right now. I need to see some photo evidence. Osama got killed in his mansion. You know there were surveillance cameras everywhere.

·“Twitter” I didn’t really watch much of the TV coverage last night. After Barack said what he had to say, I hit the Twitter streets. I used to hate on Twitter hard before I got one. I thought it was silly and superficial, which is why I spend 95% of my time on there making fun of people. Last night reaffirmed that. There were so many hilarious comments on Twitter, I couldn’t even choose five. One that stuck with me was this, though: “Imma pour out a gallon of gas tmw for my nigga Osama RIP”. I’m a believer in Twitter.

·“Barbarism”

The reaction to Osama’s death seems pretty clearly divided. Most people have been celebrating since last night, wrapped in flags, throwed, and feeling that warm, tingly revenge feeling. Many others have expressed their disappointment with the public bloodlust, usually in the form of quotes from books written by ancient Middle Eastern shepherds with curiously European names. Some of us are just sitting back and observing it all, usually in blog form. I honestly don’t think there's a right or wrong reaction to this. I cringe at the fad-like patriotism that’s going on right now; on Sunday morning, this was still “not my America” to a lot of people. For those directly affected by attacks like those on the USS Cole or during 9/11, I fully endorse you dancing around and throwing bin Laden death afterparties.At least they're being sincere. For the rest of us, it's both disappointing and refreshing to see people rejoicing in murder. Disappointing because we are treating a government-executed and sanctioned quadruple homicide like New Years Eve. Refreshing because it’s forcing us to confront ourselves. We talk shit about other countries and their barbarism – see: any stock footage the mass media of Arab people rallying in the streets of their cities after a crucial military attack – yet, when it comes down to it, we are no better. I’d say worse because we deny it. I’ll let a comment I saw on CNN speak for how we look right now: “I’m not somebody who believes in ‘an eye for an eye’, but I’m glad to see justice was done.” Retarded. And for those saddened to see your fellow countrymen celebrating a person’s death, stop. If you find me such a thing as a rational or fair human being, I’ll bring Bigfoot so they can finally meet after all these years. People are incapable of rationality, pure logic, and unwavering compassion. Virtues and morals are nice things to remind people of and to live by but, when you lose a father/mother/brother/all of the above to a random act of violence that gets internationally televised and replayed for the foreseeable future, then the Bible, Quran, Torah and Confucius quotes get thrown out the window. People are animals. Intelligent, social, sometimes good-looking animals, but still animals. When shit gets real, our true nature comes out. “An eye for an eye” sounds barbaric until we’re talking about your eye.