Question

How can I convince my mother-in-law that safety is more important than saving money when it comes to buying baby stuff?

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My well-meaning but cheap mother-in-law buys used baby furniture and toys from garage sales and other secondhand stores for our baby-to-be. This wouldn't be a problem, except she never bothers to check whether the items have been recalled for safety reasons, or pose safety hazards due to wear and tear. She recently picked up an old play yard, even though almost all of these yards have been recalled because they can collapse and suffocate a baby. How can I convince her that safety is more important than frugality?

Mom Answers

She is just trying to be helpful and it disgusts me that you expect her to get the best things for your baby and that you expect her to know all the things on the recall list just because you are on top of it. Stop being selfish and go buy your own things if you have such a problem with it.

Im a wimp and have yet to stand up to my mother in law, What I do now is I keep the stuff hidden away except for visits and i just find excuses not to put my daughter in them. I cant stand hurting peoples feelings. I know probably not the best advice and you really should talk to her but if your like me my advice can be very usful!

Wow...I thought that I was alone. My MIL has a granddaughter already (my niece) who will be 11 in June. She insisted on many occassions that we take her old crib that had been in the outdoor garargae for all of these years. And that she had paid for half of the crib for her elder son years back.I told her that I dod research with consumer reports..She looked at me like I was crazy. Then she said that I probably want something that matched anyway. Not for nothing, I want new stuff for my newborn..On occassion, she kept bringing up the crib. She ended up giving us half of the money for the furniture. I recently mentioned that I have a playayrad that I was going to bring to her ouse. She said, Oh i told you that I have Brianna's (my niece's) playpen in the basement. And that she was gonna clean it out in the back yard. ILL...Now she goes and buys us this Precious Moments Musical art set to go on the wall in the baby's room. I already have a theme going. I cannot put it up!!!

i was worried about this type of thing happening to me, but my mil has basically disappeared since she found out we are having a boy. she had her heart set on a girl. now the in-laws are going on vacation about 2 weeks after my son is born.

this isn't specifically about mils but every mil type woman you encounter. i am so tired of older co-workers chastising me for reading books, surfing this site etc. they keep saying "you can't go by books or websites - that is all just garbage...i raised x many kids and i didn't have any of that stuff" blah blah blah. i can't decide if they are jealous of the resources available now or just being old hens...

I can totally relate to your frustration. When my 3 yr old was a baby, my MIL (who is a VERY domineering and controlling woman) called her sister-in-law and had her bring over one of those jumperoo-things that hangs in the doorway-it was left from when her SIL's grandkids were babies. Now her youngest child at the time was about 7, so that jumperoo was stored in an attic for YEARS. I told my MIL NO WAY to using it, because after being stored for years somewhere where the elastic could have been melted in the summer and frozen in the winter in an uninsulated attic scared the heck out of me. Plus it was at LEAST 12 years old and three other babies had already used it, so it wasn't in real great shape to begin with. MIL had FIL hang it up in their doorway anyway, and the next time we were at her house she tried putting my son in it and I had to tell her AGAIN that the answer was NO and she got VERY VERY snotty with me and said "OH, so MOMMY'S NERVOUS" in a really sarcastic tone. But whatever, I had made my point.

We are expecting our first baby, but his family's 4th grandchild. Our nursery is packed with baby stuff (not quite sure where we're going to put the baby at this point!), and we have only spent a total of about $400. We bought a barely used crib for $150, a barely used high chair and changing pad for $60 and a new glider/ottoman set for $150. Everything else at this point has been given to us by either my sisters-in-law or my boss. I Clorox wiped EVERYTHING plastic and washed all fabric (clothes, seat covers, etc). My family bought our new Britax carseat, and we registered for very few things. I personally don't see a problem with 2nd hand stuff...when you know the "1st hand".

Probably it is awkward to discuss so much on safety.You can say you already have those things or get your husband to tell his mom,that your mom is buying/bought alot of gifts.Explaining safety issues to relatives or friends can use up alot of energy.Just buy what you need-car seats,play pen etc.And Don't use the old items!If she's not living with you,MIL won't see it.I tried to explain to my MIL about natural fibers vs synthetics,but she never understands and huffs and puffs a bit,but I'm not comprimising health of safety of baby because of anyone's lack of knowledge of safety for baby!

I really feel for your situation. However, I am one of a lucky few that does not have to deal with this problem. My MIL is almost non-existent. I rely heavily on my parents and my FIL to buy those things that we cannot afford, but need. (My in-laws are separated.) And thank the Lord above that they are all too happy to buy the newest and most advanced products on the market. Not to say that we beg them for items that we need; this is a first grandchild for everyone, so our little girl is already spoiled and we still have 5 more weeks until she is born! And if my MIL did happen to buy something for her first grandchild, I know that my husband would let her know, in no uncertain terms, that she is not to buy anything that wasn?t safe or was on a recall list. Please, make sure that your MIL knows how you feel! If you accept the items she buys without making your feelings known, she?ll keep buying those products that you know are not safe for your child.
Good Luck!

I know some men are difficult about these things but you should not be dealing with this. Your husband should be talking to her, would you expect your husband to talk to your mother about something similiar? I have a mother in law that is very similiar but my husband and I have an agreement that we take care of our own side of the family. It solves the problem without akwardness and hurt feelings.

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