The bit about personal hygiene is interesting. Mr LB is quite honestly the biggest clean freak I've ever met. His nails look like he's just been for a manicure and he's always showering. If he DOES stink, say after a run - I say "you stink".

Why would you let them get so out of shape before taking action? I would expect someone to help me realise that I was getting out of shape before it got that bad, and encourage me to do something about it. None of us let ourselves go overnight, unless triggered by some life changing event such as death of a loved one. I guess the situation is a bit different then.

Blimey Kryten. But I wouldn't consider 6 months to be a particulalry long term relationship so I an understand why you ran. Not easy to say anything in that situation without upsetting her.

I was thinking of people who have been together years and years, and the middle age spread starts to take hold. Couples who have been together that long should know how to tell each other things without causing upset.

I'd want to be told and I hope that i'd tell them. To be honest; there are times when hubby is less active but he goes through cycles of doing sport every day and then going back to doing it once a month. He eats crap and sometimes gets a bit of a belly but then within 2 weeks of his sporting cycles - he's back to his normal size again.

I tended to previously have a low self esteem when it came to my looks. I was a size 10 and when i looked in the mirror I saw size 16. This has changed over the years but I think it's one of the reasons that i'm more likely to be harsher on myself than hubby.

Some people have illness or disability but still respect their initial feelings.

Some people are scared of change and financial insecurity.

Some people stay together until the children are older.

Some people have the old "it's not you it's me" conversation and walk......

Well it is supposed to be all about love but people are afraid to use that word. The longer your relationship lasts, we are told love matures. Does it really come down to putting on weight, big bellies, letting yourself go and no longer having sex.

Oh yes! What would I do? I don't know but I am only too aware that relationships can change without very much warning. This does suggest lack of communication or complacency whatever the issues.

Mr. Frog - they don't always know. When I was at my biggest I had a kind of inverse body dismorphia. I honestly thought that I only had half a stone to lose. Not the three stone that I did eventually lose, and the rest that I never didt. I wish that someone had taken the time to point it out to me in a friendly way as it was a symptom of so much more going on in my life that I needed to come to terms with.

I also thought that I was fit, because I had a physically demanding job. And then I took up running and discovered just how unfit I was.

Thing with weight gain is it's at the total opposite end of the compassion scale for friends to point out.

For instance, lads who've known each other from their teens but dont see as much as each other any longer may greet one another with some swear words and an inquiry as to what your mrs is feeding you followed by a thump in the belly. That's an indication you might be putting the pounds on and need to do something about it.

Women are far more likely to suggest they hit the gym together or ask the friend she's noticed gaining size if she would like to accompany her to the gym as she feels she's the one putting weight on.

Either way, l imagine someones friends to be the first ones to broach the issue first.

My OH did put on some weight and has been steadily losing it again since going to the gym and being a bit more active.Physical appearance has never been an issue for me as my OH has a condition called Neurofibromatosis and on our first date I found out about this as they had a lump on their arm and being tactless, as I can be at times, I asked what it was and was told. In the 17 years that we've been married the NF has gotten worse with several trips to hospital being required to remove those lumps that are most irritating because of their location.As a friend said to me some time back I'm more interested in a person's personality and intellect that their looks. Ok, looks might help initially but I'd lose interest very quickly if they weren't interesting.

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