Is Christianity a anti-sexual religion?

Christianity is most definitely not "very pro-sex." It's my belief that, and correct me if I'm wrong, Christianity preaches that premarital sex is a sin, and adultery is a sin, and that every time you touch yourself, God kills a kitten. This is simply not conducive to a healthy sexual lifestyle.

Just look at "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Christianity claims that your wedding night will be the most special night of your life if you save it for your spouse. Of course, by "special," they mean "fumblingly awkward and unenjoyable."