They are freakishly bony, squeak like a baby book all day and are scared of their own shadows. Thank gawd we were just caretakers for the weekend – give me a snake any day!

Check out those red eyes, and no truly, it’s not the camera’s fault, they have some serious death stares going on there!

3. CHICKEN LEGS

‘They’ say that if you walk/bump in to things that you don’t usually knock then it’s a sign that you’ve put on weight (totally have – but how did ‘they’ know? – wankers).

But this week I nearly broke my chicken-leg-shin in half – after four days it’s still sore. I walked FULL TIT into the kid’s new play table.

The Husband laughed (and totally lost his ‘action’ privilege for the month – that will learn him!). Seriously though, why can’t they fake their sympathy like we fake giving a shit about their boring day at work??

Okay, okay, so it doesn’t look like life or death here but truly there is still blood showing (isn’t there?).

4. SLEEP OVER

My five-year-old left for a night sleeping away, a two-hour drive I might add – for the FIRST TIME EVER!

I missed her the second she got in to her nanny’s car :(.

Could she be any cuter – notice the boots – she is much trendier than her mum!

She called me four times in as many hours and then again just before she fell asleep.

I miss not giving her a lullaby and back scratch – our nightly ritual.

The feeling that part of my heart is not sleeping under the same roof as me is a little unnerving :(.

5. GUNS

My kids found a toy gun, teamed it with my sun hat, my size 10 men’s ugly boots, and then proceeded to play.

Surely someone is going to complain that she is pointing a gun at me – notice my gorgeous boy in background with googles, surely this makes up for the gun-toting child?

Now back when I was a kid we played “cowboys and itchy bums” and I turned out okay – in fact I am more socially/racially/emotionally sensitive than many people I know.

So when my girl pointed a toy gun at me, why did I flinch?

Was it because I know that innocent lives are being lost by guns?

She doesn’t know this is happening and I certainly don’t want her to – especially at this age, surely we can’t stop kids from being kids?

Have you been shot at with a toy gun and kinda felt a little wrong?
Do you fake giving a shit about your other half’s day?

And just in case you didn’t get the hint to grab my button to see it properly the first time.

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You should start stalking me

Do I look a little bit crazy in the above photo? Me thinks yes. But if the shoe fits right?

A little bit about Emily

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life. Contact me - GO ON - emtoxward@yahoo.com

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I prefer domes but here’s some buttons of what I do, who I do it with!

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