Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The following is a picture of Yasmin I took on a casual sunday afternoon in 2005. I was at her apartment in subang for a casual chit chat in and to browse her DVD. she was calm and we talked about everything from how her apartment was renovated really nicely to look very open and I love how she stacked her books on a step ladder leaning on a wall. She asked me about my girlfriend, my parents.We also talked about ghosts.I still can't believe she's gone now... I wish I had more sundays like that with her but as it is...it was one day.One precious day....

Sometimes in life, we don't realise how precious moments are really....

This is something written by yasmin on life and death four years ago on july 29 2005.I think Yasmin has alot of wisdom to share with us in it.

"Like clockwork it happens,tick by tock by quick tick by hurried tock,but quietly,its decibel perceptibleonly to the cat and the dog.The watch on the wrist tries to warn us,tapping its tiny untiring beatagainst the hesitant pulse of our blood;the clock on the wall tocks on,in defiance to the time-honoured tradition ofsilence in the school hall.We were not listening.

The body was doomed to stopeven before it started.Death has a life of its own.Time marches doggedlyto the cliff of its own end.

We were not listening;deaf to the decay of the planets and the suns.Stars were exploding and dying in the night.We were making love;making life.We saw it happen in the garden;to the trees and the pets,and still we watched our own dyingwith blinkered optimism- “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” -oh yes, and by the way,also one day closer to the end of it.And curiously, when it happens,everyone is surprised.Everyone is visibly moved.Eyebrows are raised, eyes are lowered,mouths open like unsuspecting clams,tongues click.Surprised, as if we had no knowledge of it,as if it were a newcomer,as if it were a sniper.And when it’s over, everyone walks away,lamenting the weather and the price of fish.The grave is forgottensooner than it was remembered.

What wisdom descends when I pause to listen to death?Nothing really.Except, my beloved’s eyes dancewhen he tells me about his day,and I must remember to kiss thembefore they finally close."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Tuberoses. they are yasmin's favourite flower. Everyone was holding on to one standing in the rain as her body was taken out of the house after her wake and loaded into the hearse.Many have come to mourn her.It was a sad moment but beautiful.almost like a movie...perhaps it was God's gift to celebrate her one more time. I've slept largely the whole morning after being up the whole nite at Yasmin's wake and then following her funeral proccedings.It was truly a sad day. I've lost my teacher. I felt even more sad at how much and how good she's been to me. Deeds that can never be repayed. But Yasmin would have wanted it that way as she was always kind and always giving.I am currently preparing a short video, edited from some behind the scene footage I've collected during the filming of sepet and my latest short film house. I've never shown this video to anyone but I hope now to celebrate her spirit. Below are my other blogposts on yasmin.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

In 2003, I had the blessing of meeting someone; who I feel so honoured to have been able to call a mentor and friend. Her enthusiasm for life and spreading love initially seemed coy; but eventually you'll understand that she is one of those very few people who really does see all the beauty this world has to offer, while dismissing the common modern stereotype that being cynical and cold is cool. She has no qualms about holding someone in a warm embrace, she had no reservations about telling you how beautiful you are and she never forget to tell you how much she loves you.

The sepet family 2003

Then,I was rather young and brash, she will actually catch me off guard without a response when she randomly ask me, do i love my mother and have I hugged her? Why would I be caught off guard ? Because it's sad but true that I am more open to voice my anger towards my mother than loving her for all she is to me. I can't bring myself to say a big resounding yes as I should.

She made me realised how important love is in a world that has largely forgotten it. "Love linus, love the world and you will understand the world"she'll say to me with a voice tinged with sweet sentiments.

Remembering all this, I really could not hold back tears today...as I was marching around aimlessly, almost like a ghost in the room just outside the hospital's CAT machine waiting anxiously for any news of yasmin who had collapsed just an hour earlier. Everyone was really anxious as to her condition and reciting the words pray pray pray....she's in a critical condition...pray for her.I did pray. I said the our fathers, hail marys and dedicate them to her...I looked upon god through the window and said God please...but I wish I could do more than to just pray. I wish I could just go up to her and wake her...but I can't and so I cried...

Just two weeks ago, Yasmin was acting in my short film for 15malaysia. She was all smiles and so full of life...I went up and thanked her for coming in for the part...and a suprised reporter asked her why she came...she just said..."i like Pete(pete teo-the producer) and I like Linus"...in a child like manner with a voice so full of joy you can almost hear a "they are my friends yay!" after... That's yasmin for you.So giving, so sentimental, so loving...it gets addictive...and you find that you can't help yourself but want to love and love with all your heart too seeing how much joy loving really can be .

This afternoon while having a meeting at TV3, Yasmin felt unwell and fainted. She stopped breathing for awhile. Everyone immediately jumped on the gossip bandwagon and started sayingthat she's kicked the bucket, RIP Yasmin, Yasmin died and etc.. Facebook went wild.Nobody aside her friends ever try to just believe she could be all right. Maybe Yasmin is right to worry about how cynical the world has become. The emergency ward at the hospital was filled with reporters trying to photograph her in her dreary state.With no respect at all they marched armed with their cameras.It's crazy. They weren't praying for her to be well but trying to get the best angle...well maybe they are doing their jobs....but I bet if Yasmin could say anything she'll say "please don't report me being sick, please tell the story of the baby coming into the world next door..."

Yasmin was a true advocate of prayer. She had her telekung and prayer mat everywhere. She always excused herself to pray. She prayed with so much enthusiasm she could say I want to pray again right after finishing one prayer. I once inquisitively asked "do you pray to ask for more blessings?" to which she answered no. I quicky responded " To thank God for all his blessings" She smiled at me and said..."you finally got it."

About Me

Living Life to the full...I hope to live by the principle that success doesn't mean making a tonne of money though I am blessed that i do make a decent sum...but success equates to appreciateing all the God given wonder this world has to offer before my time is up...