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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Two Breaths Too Late

by Rochelle Maya Callen

9.30.14

Young Adult

After years of secrets and bruises, Ellie Walker takes her own life only weeks before her high school graduation. She expected to be free, but instead is forced to face the brokenness she has left behind.

This story isn't about happily-ever-afters.

It is about the millions of terrible and beautiful moments that make up a life and the hope that lives in even the darkest of places.

A Message from the Author:

EXCERPT:

Death,

I
let you take me. I handed you a rope, a chair, and a hollow shell of
a girl forgetting that I didn't have to be hollow at all.

I press my forehead against the
glass. The feeling rakes through me. There is no relief or freedom
here, in this in-between, in this limbo. This is not the sanctuary I
wanted.

Hope can't be a hollow wish or
dream. It needs to be filled, levied, brimming over with intention
and action and belief and reaching, reaching, reaching, stretching
until your muscles ache because you want it that damn much, and you
won't stop reaching until you hold it.

Until it is yours.

I let go too soon.

Review:This is by far the longest review I ever wrote. I guess because
it hit so close to home and a subject that I’m adamant about supporting in any
way I can. I can’t thanks Author Rochelle Maya Callen for bravely writing this
story that is also close to her heart and for supporting suicide prevention
through this book, her new project HoldOn2Hope, and for supporting To Write
Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). I actually wrote the second part of this review in
the middle of reading Two Breaths Too Late. I was inspired by a revelation I
had by seeing things through Ellie’s eyes and seeing the things she realized
too late. Ellie has a less than perfect home life, one that she does everything
she can to keep secret while trying to find any way to protect her hart and
find a way to escape. Her school life doesn’t fare much better and as she sees
her hopes and dreams start to crumble she does what she the thinks is the only
way to escape the pain and misery. The problem is she doesn’t realize that she
gave up and lost all hope when there was still hope to hold on to. She realizes
that she wants to live two breathes too late, then when she isn’t immediately
welcomed by the peace of death she comes to grips of the harsh reality of how
much she really lost and the pain she caused the people around her. In one moment
of desperation she forgets the tiny moments of hope that she let slip by that
could have saved her. I tried my best not cry but in the end my heart broke
knowing a life was lost too soon and also from knowing too many people close to
me who have either contemplated giving up on life by taking their own, came
close to losing their lives too soon by failed attempts, or who have succeeded
in having their life snuffed out by their own devises because they felt
suffocated in their pain and trapped in circumstances that seemed to no hope in
escape. There also needs to be an awareness of how those who struggle mental
illness are affected by emotions that overwhelm them to the point that they can
only see the wall crumbling in on them, they see no other way out because their
brain isn't trained to see the positive, not because they don’t want but
because their brains aren't rigged that way. They can be taught to see things
that way through therapy and counseling but due to society’s stigmas on mental
illness they steer away from getting the help they need afraid of being labeled
and ridiculed. Generations before us were taught to ignore and hide their
illness or their love ones who were ill so they would not be judge by society. Sadly
this still lingers in some people’s minds and they deny that these illness or
real, they think “it’s just in our heads”, which the funny part is, it’s a
chemical imbalance in our heads or they think it’s just another gimmick that
the pharmaceutical and medical community made up too get more money. And this
may sound weird to you but it is the harsh reality that we live in, that I live
in because I myself and love ones who suffer from mental illness or some kind
of mental/emotional/social/behavioral disorder yet those in our immediate
family who are supposed to be our support system who deny these things exist
leaving us to feel criticized, abandoned, and alone. However, I thank God every
day for my best friend who may never know exactly how much of a blessing she is
to me or how much she has given me the strength when I felt like crashing to
the ground and not getting up. She never judges me and understands me as no one
else. I also am blessed and thankful for the countless book friends I’ve found
online who have been a support system for me, most of them suffering from some
kind of mental illness and some even have wrestled one time or another with attempts
of suicide when their world seemed too hard to deal with and they thought all
hope was gone. True hope is never really gone, it just may be harder to find
and must be sought out in the deepest of cracks hidden in our lives. Just Remember
YOU ARE SPECIAL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WITH IT, and YOU ARE LOVED!!!!

I see from both sides of the fences now. I’ve been where all
I could was my own pain. I couldn’t comprehend the pain it would cause others.
I couldn’t see that I was being selfish. No way could me being gone change
anyone’s life that drastically, surely they could get along without me. I was a
no body. Yes, I had friends who cared about me but I also had many who used and
discarded me for something better. I was many times the subject of ridicule,
teasing, and bullying far as long as I could remember. I could never live up to
my sister’s image or fill her shoes academically or socially as much as I tried,
it was to no avail. I had very very few friends who accepted me for me and didn’t
let my sister steal away the lime light and push me to the back burner. She was
always smarter, always more outgoing, always the one the guys wanted. She was
so much the dominate one that my friends and boyfriends became her friends and
boyfriends leaving me a shadow that just tagged along. My parents never really
saw me. They were too busy with their own problems, with their health issues, marriage
problems, money problems too even see their daughter was just a hollow of who
she could be. I so wanted to die but when I couldn’t bring myself to go through
with it, I went in search of something to fill the emptiness inside, to stop
the pain even if it was temporary. I would do anything to feel accepted, to
feel like I belonged somewhere but truth be told I never felt like I was
accepted or belonged no matter what I did. One day I did find a place that I
was accepted and belonged, it was there all along but I was blinded by my own
self-centerness and consumed with all my pain and regrets that I didn’t see it
til years later. I finally saw the Light, My Heavenly Father loved me and
created me in His image, I was enough for Him, I was His beloved daughter whom
He loved and cherished. I was pretty enough, I was smart enough, and I was
worthy enough to love. And to prove it He had His Son take my place of Death
for all my mistakes, who was beaten, shamed, and ridiculed so all my physical and
emotional pains could be healed. Now I don’t always see the fact that He
created me to have this life so I would have a chance to know Him as a
blessing. Many times when life gets tough I wonder why He made me, how could I
be so special that He has saved my life and forgiven my transgression countless
times ,and has accepted me back into His arms every time I’ve run away. Life is
a struggle and even the greatest of Prophets of God and Disciples of Christ
went through hardships and wrestled with their humanity, they had doubts, they
wanted to give up, they messed up, they felt despair but they eventually got
back up, dusted themselves off and trudge through life’s murky waters til the
day God called them home to Glory. I wait for that day, sometimes beg God for
that day to be now but now I still have a job to do here one Earth. I have two
kids and soon a grandbaby who need me no matter how many times they may say
they don’t need me or how many times I believe those lies, if I truly pictured
their life without me I know if would be devastating to them and hurt them in
countless ways, the consequences would be vast. And I know God isn’t through
with me yet and I want to live a life worthy of Him, He gave all for me, the
most I can do if give back to others what he has given to me. And yes this is
the side where I see from other side of the fence. I see what would truly
happen if I would have ever or would ever follow through on the dark emotions
as Ellie did. I have also seen it from a mother’s point of view, the pain that
would encompass losing a child who decided life was too hard and they were in
the stage of where all they could see was their own world crashing down around them,
they couldn’t see how their decision of ending their life would affect others,
they just wanted a way out from the pain. So I’ve guess I’ve come full circle
from being in Ellie’s shoes and only seeing my own pain and not seeing the
world around me and how my life or death affected others to actually opening my
eyes to see more than just myself and how my choices affect those around me to
being the parent of a child who was in Ellie’s shoes only seeing their own pain
and their own world. If you are wondering, no my child did not end up like
Ellie but she tried a few times and the last time was the most scariest time
and could have resulted in her death had not it been for the Grace of God
intervening and convicting my child to seek help for medical attention before
it was too late. She was also on a self-destructive path like her mother was, for
2 and half years and those were the most stressful, scariest years of my life because
I never knew what trouble she would get into next or what crazy thing should
would do to get around whatever rules I tried laying down just to do what she wanted
to do, and I was terrified to sleep at night afraid I would wake up with one less
child.

Mental illness is real, abuse of all kinds is real, bullying
is real, suicide epidemic is real, and you never truly know what goes on in other
people’s secret lives, in their homes, their minds, and their hearts. So be kind,
be aware, and be open to the world around you. No matter who or where you are
or how insignificant you may think you are, you can make a difference in
someone’s life. Just reach out to them, be friend, give them hope, if you have
Jesus in your heart, let His Light shine through you .Even if you only ever
touch one life, save one person from making that awful life ending decision,
only bright one person’s day or life with a smile or kind word or friendship, then
you have done something to change the world!

About the Author:

ROCHELLE
MAYA CALLEN is a bestselling YA author. Her first novel became
a #1 Hot New Release on Amazon in 2013 within 24 hours of its
debut. She has pet
llamas in Ecuador, built homes in Mexico, played with orphans in
Argentina and has spoken the words of Mother Teresa in front of
27,000 people at Reliant Stadium. She has been
a speaker to young people since she was a teenager and has been a
behavioral coach for 10 years. She
lives with her husband and young daughter near Washington, D.C. Her
personal experiences of loss and
strength
inspired her novel, TWO BREATHS TOO LATE and the #HoldOn2Hope suicide
prevention project.

I am so excited for this book. I adore Brooklyn and am thrilled to pieces with her newest novel. Check out this amazing book and be sure to enter Brooklyn's giveaway!!

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About Bone Deep:
The boy who wants forgiveness…
Haunted by the train accident his father instigated, college freshman Krister Ledoux is obsessed with finding the person sending him cryptic hate mail. He knows it’s one of them—a family member of one of the accident victims, and he’s willing to go to hell and back to find out which one.
The girl he can’t forget…
She was a stranger who kissed him in the middle of the train station, and now she’s the girl who pleads with her eyes for Krister to be the distraction she’s so desperate for. Krister doesn’t know what it is about her, why he’s sucked into playing Cambria’s game… All he knows is that when he’s with her, he isn’t consumed with thoughts of the crash.
The collision that can’t be avoided…
Cambria doesn’t know who Krister is—that he’s the son of the town’s most infamous killer, and he knows if his true identity surfaces he’ll lose her forever. However secrets can’t stay buried forever, and now Krister must fight to prove that their bone-deep connection is far more powerful than the hatred she now has toward him.

Brooklyn Skye Bio:
Brooklyn Skye grew up in a small town where she quickly realized writing was an escape from small town life. Really, she’s just your average awkward girl who’s obsessed with words. She writes young adult and new adult fiction. You can follow her on Twitter as @brooklyn__skye or visit her web site for updates, teasers, giveaways, and more. www.brooklyn-skye.com She is the author of FRAGILE LINE, STRIPPED, Without You, and STRIPPED Without You

In a constant battle between good and evil, evil is dominating the battlefield and leading mankind to its destruction. With our Creator's intervention, a creature destined to conquer and destroy is created. He gives mankind hellhounds to fight back and reclaim freedom.

Join seventeen year old Kasadya Levourne as she fights against evil to protect us. With each step, she faces destruction, and yet she has the talent to give it back tenfold. Stubborn and hard-headed she makes her mark in the Fallen world and starts a battle none can escape. Not even her trainer, the very attractive Chax de Luca, was prepared for her presence.

Will evil prevail? Or will Kas and her Fallen friends succeed in protecting us against it? Hold on to your seats, this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Special Note:

The Kasadya Series is read back to back, book 1- 3 ends with a cliffhanger.

There was a time when heaven was filled with peace and serenity. God, Jesus Christ, and all the Angels lived in harmony; no evil and no sin existed. Until one fateful day...
With all gathered to hear their Sire speak, God rose and addressed his Angels. Before all, he proclaimed His Son, Jesus Christ, was equal to Him. That Christ’s words should be obeyed as if they were His own. Christ would command the heavens, with the same authority as Him. All the Angels bowed down before Christ and accepted their Sire’s proclamation, all except for one…
An Archangel was furious with this proclamation. He was his Sire’s right hand, the deliverer of justice, the commander of many legions. He had served his Sire for centuries, and never failed him. It should be to him that God bestow power, not a Son whom had never even seen battle.
With his heart filled with hatred and jealousy, he gathered all the angels in secret. He told them that their days of sweet liberty were at an end. That God has now placed Christ as their ruler and that they should now obey his wishes. Many angels were angered at such a false statement, but many also agreed with the Archangel. He had led them for many years; why should they now question his leadership?
The faithful Angels fled to God and told Him what was happening, and together they prepared for war. With the sun rising on a new day, God and his Angels stood ready for battle against the Archangel and his followers. The battle only lasted a day, the Archangel and his followers defeated before the sun set for the night.
Seeing the angels on their knees before Him, He gave them one final chance… “Repent and declare your loyalty, and I will forgive you, my children.” He told his beautiful angels, tears falling with each word. This was His family. This was His love. How could they betray Him? Some of the Angels cried their penance, begging Him to forgive them for their deceit. They claimed that the Archangel deceived them, and they followed him into battle, as they have done for centuries.
God took pity on them, but still believed that their deceit must not go unpunished. He had spoken many times about the importance of punishment, that lessons learned must be earned... “I herewith grant you mercy, but as punishment you will be sentenced to an earthly realm. I will take your beauty as payment for my children lost today. In the place of your beauty, I will give you purpose. In mercy, and because I love you still, I give you life in this realm. Let this be known, that I was merciful this day,” God finished.
He placed them in an earthly realm, and called it Exsilium. In this realm they would carry their deceit, and earn their place with him. He took their beauty and replaced them with elements of his earth. Half would be of animal and element, and would resemble punishment. The other, in a humanoid form, and would resemble mercy. He called them his Fallen.
The Archangel, and those whom did not repent, were not that lucky. God looked into the eyes of His once faithful angels and only saw destruction, hatred, jealousy, and heartache. He knew that His beloved ones had died this day, and that others needed to be protected. But how could you destroy one you loved? He placed the Archangel, and his followers, in another earthly realm, but where Exsilium was above the earth, this one was in the center. With one wave of His hand, their beautiful forms were replaced with forms as ugly as their hatred and deceit. Using His word and blood, He sealed this realm from any other.
As He looked into the many eyes of hatred, He spoke his final word... “This realm will be called Hell, and you will be called demons. You, my once faithful Archangel, you will be called the Devil. Your angel name will be erased from the past, present, and future. You will be forgotten,” He proclaimed and left them to their demise.
Many years have passed since that day. God created mankind and cherished his new children. The male and female were his new hope; in them he would find peace again. But the Devil had grown strong through the years, and somehow managed to enter God’s garden. Here, he found the female God created, using her to strike back. He whispered words of deceit in her ears, and watched as God’s new children stepped into sin. With her first bite, a crack appeared in the seal around Hell, and demons escaped to earth.
From that day onward, the Devil and his demons created chaos amongst God’s new children, leading one after the other into sin. God looked upon this and decided to fight for his loved ones. He went to Exsilium and spoke to the Fallen... “You, my children, have proven your loyalty in the years that have passed, and so I came to offer you another chance at Heaven. If you slay the Devil and his demons to protect mankind, I will give you a place in my Heaven once again. With your last breath on this earth, you will join me and your brethren in Heaven,” He finished. The Fallen agreed and God gave them the power to move in and out of Exsilium to battle the demons. The war between Good and Evil began.
But as mankind spread over the earth, sin became their followers. And with each sin, the demons grew stronger and created more demons to torture mankind. The Fallen were now fighting against millions; they needed assistance to ensure victory. God had watched the battle from Heaven and saw that they were failing because of their numbers. He also saw that the demons grew stronger than the Fallen. He intervened and created a new creature. This creature would have features encompassing the best of both worlds. One half was as strong and loyal as the Fallen, while the other was as hard and enduring as a demon. This was His ultimate weapon. This would be His greatest creation. To ensure that these creatures could not be swayed, He placed Heaven’s soul into them. He called them His hellhounds.
The hellhounds delivered justice swiftly, as strong and just as the Fallen. Yet hard and durable like the demons, they conquered the earthly realm and the demons retreated. Not one hellhound could be swayed. All stayed true to their calling. God, knowing that the Devil and many more demons had retreated, gave His hellhounds life, and offered them a place among the Fallen.
Until this day they still watch over mankind, protecting them from evil. Will we be worth it?

Book Info -
Title: Kasadya Hellhound Twisted
Series: Kasadya #2
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Audience: YA/NA - 14 years and up
Formats: E-book
Publisher: Karen Swart
Edited by: There for you Editing Services & Blue Butterfly Editing
Cover by: Melody Simmons
ISBN: 978-1301357192
Pages: 251 Pages
Date Published: 15 February 2013
Kasadya: Hellhound Twisted (Book #2 of the Kasadya Series)
She fought against all odds and became the warrior she was meant to be … or so she thought. In a world where the rules have changed, can she embrace her destiny and become the hellhound she was meant to be?
Kasadya is back in Exsilium and finds her world a little different. Her half-breed fallen friends join her, and they are ordered to complete their apprentice training in order to obtain the right to be guardians. She must learn that her own fate cannot be denied and that others are set to follow. But most of all, she must learn that to trust is the greatest battle of all.
The tables are turned and Kasadya is put to the test. Will she be able to prevent her own death, or that of a friend? Or will her actions call forth the destruction of Earth and Exsilium? For a Phoenix to rise, it must first die. —Chax De Luca

Book Info -
Title: Kasadya Hellhound Born
Series: Kasadya #3
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Audience: YA/NA - 14 years and up
Formats: E-book
Publisher: Karen Swart
Cover by: Melody Simmons
Edited by: MAI-Editing-Services & Blue Butterfly Editing
ISBN: 9781301863594
Pages: 235 pages
Date Published: 15 August 2013
Kasadya: Hellhound Born (Book #3 of the Kasadya Series)
In a world filled with evil, the Fallen prepare for the ultimate battle against the demon world!
Kasadya is ordered to unleash her crazed born transformation to complete her divinity. But there is a chance that her born will be uncontrollable, and she will be destroyed. There is just one person that can save her; her charm, her destined mate. Left without a choice, she must surrender, and place her life in his hands.
In a race against time, the Fallen must stand together and fight the evil threatening to invade earth. If her divinity was in reach, victory would be theirs. That is until she starts having visions of the final battle, and her true destiny is revealed. She just found her love and place in the Fallen world; will she be able, and willing, to sacrifice it all?

“Kasadya, don't do this to me,” Chax spoke, using Corra.
I stopped completely and looked at him. Reaching for my necklace, I held it.
“I am so sorry, Chax. This is the only way; we can’t win any other way. I know; I have seen the end too many times,” I replied.
His face fell even more and he looked around, searching for a way out.
“I want to thank you... for being there for me. For searching for me when I went missing. For enduring all of my crap. I am sorry I messed up so many times. But not this time; this I promise. But most of all, thank you for loving me.” Even my mental voice broke down on the last part.
Chax started to scream and pound at the invisible wall, while others joined him. I looked at Nanini, shocked that she couldn’t get out.
“Take care of Max for me,” I sent to her.
Tears formed and ran down her cheeks, but she nodded.
“Kas, let us help you!” Lotan yelled. My friends, my family were still trying to save me. Tears ran down my own face now.
“I love all of you. Thank you for always being there for me.” Finally my mental voice began to a sob.
I turned away, afraid that the sight of them would stop me.
“Kasadya! Don’t do this to me. I beg you!” Chax yelled at me.
Demons were closing in around me, but my heart was so broken I just let the tears and heartache spill out of me.
“I am so sorry, Chax. Forgive me.” With that, I stormed forward.
I used my g-force punches to clear the masses out of my way. When that stopped working, I started shifting. Demons grabbed at me and some got in a slice or two. But I wasn't stopping.
I saw Ballen trying to flee from me. He thought I was heading for him. Good. I needed him on the other side when I blew it up. Using my wings for momentum, I sent a massive g-force punch into the horde that remained between me and my target. They flew backwards, clearing the way for me to advance. I swiped at a few too close and took their heads. Blood sprayed all over me. Searching for the hole to make sure I was heading in the right direction, I saw the shoulders and arms of something freaking big, already beginning to breach.
I need to move faster!
I lifted up with my wings. They were tired, but I had no other option. Now I had the flying demons to contend with. We fought and sliced and I sent a few down to earth without a head. At last, I was advancing on the hole. Pain shot through my left wing and I tumbled to the ground, hitting hard. At the last moment I made sure that the front of my body hit the ground and not the back. Demons jumped me all at once. Ballen was yelling at them to stop me. I used everything I had left and flung out with my wings and arms. They went flying and just in front of me was the hole with the devil stuck in it. Ballen was standing at the entrance watching me, his face a mask of shock.
With a deep breath, I reached for the pouch and took hold of the balls. Now armed and ready, I just had a few feet to go. I stormed through the demons, not caring if they sliced me open. I wasn't stopping for a fight anymore. I held the balls to my chest, sealing them from any other impact. Then, finally, I was at the entrance of the hole. With the last of my strength, I leaped into the air and went flying straight for it.
There were many things that go through your mind that moment before you die. I remembered my first step into Exsilium. Meeting Lada and Nanini. Meeting Chax and hating my first day. I remembered our fun at the beach, the Hellhouse and the grub spot. Seeing Lada and Lotan kissing for the first time. Meeting Max and Ryan, and then all of the rest. My heart no longer troubled by Kali or Seth or all the others who had betrayed me. I remembered finding Chax and the Fallen again. Seeing my parents again. So many memories bombarded me at that last moment. I remembered my day and night with Chax, and how it felt to be loved.
“I love you,” I sent a final message to him.
He was still screaming my name, begging for me to stop.
I remembered why I was doing this. For them I gave my heart, my life. Ballen's shocked face was in front of me, right in my path. Just when I reached him, I dropped the balls and slammed into him.

For centuries his only reason for existence was to destroy evil. But when he finally found his mate, that all changed for the deadly Chax De Luca. When the hellhound Kasadya captured his heart, he surrended it to her, thinking he’d finally found what he’d been looking for. Little did he know that his mate would sacrifice herself to save them all.

His fury is legend. His wrath, merciless. His love for his mate, undeniable. He’s going to hell to retrieve his heart, and if that means that he must destroy hell itself, then so be it.

Kasadya awakes to a world in peril, her mate forever changed, and a war filled with evil creatures intending to enter Earth’s realm and destroy all that she holds dear. Can she complete her divinity in time to save her loved ones and mankind? Will she have to choose? Or will all be lost in the final battle?

The final battle is here, and with it, secrets are revealed and worlds are changed forever.

Review:
This series kept getting better with each book. I felt every emotion from love,betrayal,loss,and hope.It was an adventure of twists,turns,ups and downs,conspiracies,war,self discovery,destiny,and determination.This is a series that you will not want to put down!

I am a complete book addict, and really proud of it. My entire world is made of books. From reading to writing to blogging to helping other authors. A day without my world of books would be impossible. I am a mother of three, two boys and a little princess. Happily married for 8 years with my high school sweetheart. I live in South Africa, just on the rims of the Kalahari Desert in a small town with one shop and friendly faces. Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Blog / Amazon

Tour Schedule - Month Blog Tour for The Kasadya Hellhound Series by Karen Swart from Sep 1 to 30, 2014