Tuesday, September 23, 2008

so, two weeks ago, i finally started learning how to play the guitar. it was on sunday. we went to books a million and i bought guitar for dummies and then we went over to christina's house to stay there until mommy was finished working at daddy's place. turns out, that we'll be goin over there almost every sunday. but ya, mommy said that i could bring haley over and i told her to bring her guitar with her so that we could learn from my book together. but mr. sir was there and he knows how to play guitar proffessionally (he tuned mine and haley's guitar), so he offered to teach us. it was hard at first to get my fingers to push down on the strings hard enough, but i'm getting used to it. so ya, we're gonna learn how to play the guitar with him every sunday when we can.

i finally got my new laptop yesterday. mommy realized that i was going to need a laptop ALOT for school and stuff and she needed to get on it too for callin ppl and stuff, and that we couldnt exactly share my old laptop, so she said that i could get myself a new one. it's exactly the same as shelle's laptop but it's a newer version so it has some other stuff to it and the front of my laptop has a different cover. it's white-ish blue-ish with clouds or waves. i'll take a pic of it when i get the camera.

i'm still not used to having the numbers on the right side of the keyboard like my old laptop and i have to download all of my songs and everything onto itunes again and that is nearly impossible. hopefully, i'll be able to get all of the songs that i downloaded on limewire on my old laptop and put it on here. shelle explained it to me once, but i forgot. so if i cant, she can do it on the weekend.

i REALLY dont like transferring all of my stuff from my old laptop to the new one. it's like moving all over again. only easier (minus the itunes thing). i'm not done transferring everything yet, though. it's gonna take some time.

the anime con was last weekend. i couldnt believe it. i thought that we'd still have some time before it took place even though i already told haley and krista that goin this year was pretty much impossible. but still, it was like a slap to the face when shelle told me that it was happening right then.

the anime manga club watched ghost in the shell the laughing man (movie) this monday after skool. i only got to watch the first 30 minutes cuz i didnt know that we'd be watching anime so soon and they didnt give us any warnings, so i had told mommy to pick me up at 3:30 like usual. but yeah, they said that they'd give us a weeks warning next time that we did this.

about DBSK, i'm falling in love with junsu cuz of his super CUTE smile and adorably unique laugh. but jaejoong's still my favorite. it just seems that changmin is being replaced as third cuz it feels like junsu's my second favorite now. but i'm likin micky, too. he's funny (changmin, too) and when he laughs at something really funny, he practically dies from it and changmin, too. so i guess those 2 are tied for 3rd. but i like yuhno the least. he's always so serious. prolly cuz he's the leader and he has the responsibility, though. but i DO like him; just not as much as i like the others. :P

junsu and the little version of junsu are so CUTE!! >w<

jaejoongie looking awesome XD

and their new album is coming out on the 24th of this month! cant wait to hear it! their album's called mirotic. i forgot what it means... oh yeah! miro in korean means spell and tic was just an english word/ending that they added in the end because the album's music really does keep you in a spell. you cant stop listening to it. jaejoong was the one who came up with the name. :D

i think it's time to stop being a fangirl now. on to the next subject!

oh. this next one isnt very ...good news. here goes.

okay, there's this dood named michael in my science class. he's really smart in science (dont know about the rest of the subjects, this is my only class i have with him) and in the beginning of the year, he'd ask ridiculous questions about what we were learning, trying to be funny. a couple of weeks ago, we had to do this earthworm experiment in groups with at least one partner. i chose him cuz we kinda talked at the anime manga club at the first meeting. and a couple of days after that, we got to sit in any seat that we wanted and he sat with me (the seats are arranged so that 2 seats sit side by side right next to each other).

then, we started passing notes to each other (we sit right next to each other so all we had to do was slide the paper a little to the left or right) and he told me that his girlfriend cheated on him. and that she only went out with him out of pity. that the one person that he trusted, stabbed him in the back and twisted in. and he went out with her for 3 years. but that makes me think that she couldnt have gone out with him for 3 years all out of pity. but i still havent told him that yet; i keep forgetting.

and i asked him if he had any friends so that they could help him and stuff. but he said that he didnt have any at skool and all the rest were all over the world. and that he couldnt trust them or anyone for the matter. except for me. he said that i was his best friend at school a couple of days after that. but yeah, i told him that he should tell his friends about it cuz talkin to friends always help since he was in pain about the whole girlfriend thing, but he said that it wouldnt help and that he couldnt trust them.

and some time last week (i think), he got into an argument with this girl who was sitting behind us and when we started watching a video, he started running his pencil up and down his arm really hard. i started writing him a note while trying to be inconspicuous and asked him if he was really gonna go emo (some time ago, he said that he could go emo and i told him that i doubted it) for real. he said that he was getting there. and i asked him why. he said that he couldnt take it anymore. and then he asked if he should do a slow painful death or a short and painless one. and i asked him if he had anyone or anything that would hold him back from killing himself and he said no. he thought that he had his girlfriend, but now, no.

by now, i looked around the room and noticed that some people were sleeping and that the teacher saw it all and didnt care. so i gave up on trying to look like i was paying attention to the movie. i told him that he better come to skool on monday because i did not want to know that one of my friends killed themself and i couldnt do anything to stop it. he said that he was sorry and then the bell rang so i couldnt ask him about what. that he was going to kill himself or that he was just apologizing that he was being over dramatic.

come monday and he was fine. he told me that he was gonna try to do a different thing. he was going to change. to stop asking annoying questions in class and stuff. i told him that even though he's gonna change, dont become fake and he said that he was getting rid of all of his emotions of love, happiness, stuff like that until all that's left was rage and depression.

the other day, he told me that he needed a hug. i told him that i wasnt gonna give him one. i said that i was sick and that i didnt want to get him sick, too. a couple of days later, he said that i needed a hug. i told him, no, i dont. i dont understand him at all. and he wanted me to give him a high-five a whole bunch, too. i gave him light high-fives the 1st 2 times but after that, i just told him no. he quit askin for those but today, he asked if i still wasnt gonna give him a hug. why does he want a hug so much?!

normally, if it were anybody else, i'd give them a hug. but hugging michael is just something i dont want to do. i think half of my reason for not hugging him is because he's known as a weirdo with a reputation for being weird and stuff and i dont want to cause any misunderstandings for ppl to think that we're going out, and for me to also be associated with him, making ppl think that i'm weird, too. kinda mean, but that's one reason why i dont want to hug him. but yeah, ask me to hug a stranger and i prolly will do that before i hug michael.

i forgot if we wrote any notes other than that until today. today, he told me that he still felt alone. i told him that i wished that i could help (big mistake on my part) and he said that i could. i had this foreshadowing dread that i knew i shouldnt of said that last sentence, but i couldnt exactly tell him that no, i changed my mind. so i asked him how and he asked me if i wanted to go to the ROTC (army thing) ball with him.

i immediately knew that i didnt want to go, but it'd be mean to just say no, so i asked him when it was to think of an excuse. he said that it'd be later on in the year so i asked him if he could just ask me later but he said that it's being catered so they need to know now. i told him that i dont know if i can go and that i didnt want to get his hopes up and then let 'em crash and burn. and then he said/wrote (all of this is on notes) that he was really asking for something else and i already knew what he was talkin about in my mind, but i was hoping that i was HOPEFULLY misunderstanding what he was implying so i asked him what he was talking about now.

he said that he was asking me something else by asking me to go to the ball with him. so i finally asked him what i thought i was wrong about: are you asking me out? he said that he was. and i was confused. i told him that we barely knew each other. and then i told him, "honestly, i'm gonna have to turn you down. i dont know you enough. why do you want to go out with me, though?" cuz like i said, we barely know each other. and he said that it's because i was there for him and that i'm the only one who understands.

i told him that i'm pretty sure that if he told his friends, they'd understand too. and then he writes that i always know what to say (i find that hard to believe, half of the stuff that i told him as advice didnt seem like it helped at all), that i'm smart (i am not really smart, though, all i do is study the day before tests. i'm only book smart), pretty (i am NOT pretty. i am average. already discussed this with lindsey's letter and myself about me both academically and physically), and fun (how would he know this? i have not said anything that would make him laugh. i barely say anything at all).

and i told him that i think that he's still on the rebound and he didnt know what that meant so i had to explain it to him. and then he said that i remind him of his ex a little bit.

what's up with that?! do i remind guy's of their exes even if it's only "a little bit"?! i mean, kyle told me that too! altho it was with a girl that he was in love with who turned him down. but later, he realized that he didnt really like me like that. so am i a rebound girl or something?

but yeah, the bell rang and that was that.

i really should of seen this coming. i think that i did, though, just in a corner of my mind, i knew that something like this would happen between us. i just didnt dwell on it cuz it seemed conceited to think that he was being overfriendly-ish with me cuz he might like me.

but yeah, for a couple of days now, i've been thinking about myself and how ungrateful i am. i am selfish, spoiled, self-centered, ungrateful, and a whole lot of other things. here i am, complaining about how i need to buy new manga and dont have the money for it, when there are people all over the world who dont have the money to buy food. i'm complaining bout how mommy used to always tell us to eat and stuff just so that she could get on the computer when really, she doesnt want us to starve. i forgot that she used to live in vietnam and that maybe when she grew up there, her family might not have alot of food to eat like we do. especially since she has a much larger family than we do.

and i'm spoiled. i got a guitar and a laptop (stuff that i never said that i wanted but am now glad that i do have) and all of these other stuff that i cant live without now. when i need something like clothes or books, i usually end up getting them, from my parents or with my own money (which i get FROM my parents), and when i dont get what i want, i usually end up with a few tears altho nobody sees them.

and i realized that i AM really self-centered. i think about myself and my problems and needs before i think about anyone else's and sometimes, even then, i dont really care cuz IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. i only think about how somthing's gonna effect me and not really about anyone else until someone points it out.

i'm such a bad person. how can anyone like me. i dont deserve to have friends if this is how i really am. but i'm selfish enough to be glad that i do have some and i'm being honest about it, too. so that's a start, right?

9-9-08 Guess what day it is! It’s Nerd Day! It’s homecoming week. Today’s Nerd Day, tomorrow’s Support Your Favorite Team Plus Hat Day (stupid), after that is Color Day or something like that. Freshmen wear white, sophomores wear gray (I think), juniors wear black, and seniors wear red. And on Friday, …I forgot. I’ll tell ya later the next time I’m in the hall. Anyways, wow, so many people at school finally showed their true colors! They’re finally showing us how much they’re really nerds! And it’s hilarious. People are wearing: big glasses, sweater vests, different colored knee socks, suspenders, pants jacked up, someone even stuffed toilet paper into his shoe on purpose. I wish I had brought my camera, but I’m pretty sure that it’ll be in the yearbook. And now, I have to go and study for my 27 amendments test, which is in 10 minutes. I forgot to mention that the nerds are also wearing bow ties, taped glasses, and kick me signs taped to their back. It was really funny. Jeez! Some people here are friggin rich or something! My friend Michael travels the world in the summer. He “borrowed” a sword that was stuck in the Great Wall of China! Yeah! He was actually there! And he traveled alone cuz he has friends who moved all over the world. He said that this year, he’s goin to japan. I’m frickin jealous! And he has a sword collection, too. He wont show me a picture of them, though, cuz he said that he didn’t want me to steal them after I told him that I was gonna sneak over to his house and take them. Oh yeah, so I finally remembered what was on Friday. Friday is Spirit Day wher you’re supposed to wear the school’s colors black and silver. And on Saturday, we’re gonna have the Bear Ball where over 2,000 students can all dance in the lunchroom for a couple of hours. On a Saturday. LAME. Dude! Death Note 2 is showing in theaters for 2 nights only! On October 15th and 16th. We could go see that even though you guys haven’t seen the 1st movie. It basically goes along with the manga and anime but you know, slightly different. It’s dubbed so that means no reading subtitles. Argh! But it’s on a wed and Thursday! Why cant it be on a frickin weekend?! Still think we could go? It starts at 7. Gotta go, bell rang.

I just finished writing another letter to her but I’m too lazy to do it right now. Maybe later…

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Here’s a letter I just wrote to haley since I was stuck on my social studies project. I thought that this might give ya a little insight about what else been goin on and what I’ve been thinkin about.

So… I’m bored. And procrastinating like usual on my project. And since this is the first time in ages since I’ve last written to you, I thought that now would be a good time. :P it just so happens that I’m now working on a certain lame project instead…

Guess what? The interweb people came by today for a while! They said that we’ll finally have interweb tomorrow!!! Which is awesome cuz I have ANOTHER project to wrok on, too, that needs to use the interweb. No more bored outta my mind stuff, too!! XD

I found out that we could print stuff out at the school library for I think 30 cents a page. Not exactly sure, but maybe I could print some pics of stuff that I like on the interweb now? Oh! Then I could show you who I like from DBSK! Alright! Now I’ve gotta figure out how to do this!

o.O I just reread that paragraph. Wow… michelle was right. When I like things, I go all out. *sighs* I’m such an obsessive fangirl… :P

the other day, when I finally decided to unpack all of my boxes, I found all of these things that I’ve saved over the years that we did together. Do you remember the scrapebook that we started, I think, in 6th grade? Man, I couldn’t stop laughing and feeling nostalgic (heh heh, I still remember mrs. Callier explaining the meaning of that word to us) when I saw all of the pictures that we took. Everyone looked so much younger. Evan looked like he was in 3rd grade. :)

and I found a notebook that had some of the notes that we wrote to eachother in math and stuff. And I found my yearbooks that I couldn’t find! At, good times, good, times… cosmo, that idiot, he actually said something smart for once.

I really miss you guys.

It’s so ironic that while I was writing the last 3 paragraphs, sad songs kept playing. Right now, I’m Missing You is playing. How true.

Okay, I think that’s enough sadness for now! Oh! The funniest thing happened in English today! It went something like this:

I guess someone in the office left the speakers on on accident so the whole class heard someone talking in low voices.

So, just a couple of minutes ago, I was over at vinh’s house to print out my document for English tomorrow and to use the internet for a while to finish my powerpoint that was also for English that’s due tomorrow. I was only over there for around an hour but the first half, I didn’t even get anything done since the computers were actin gay and wouldn’t work with each other. So finally, vinh got the wireless interweb to work and the whole time, his mom was yellin and saying all of these crazy things about how I needed to hurry up cuz vinh needed to finish his work and all of this stuff. And that he needed to use the interweb, too, and that he had a tutoring session in 3 hours. For some reason, I couldn’t help but laugh and try to hold back the laughs. I mean, here’s vinh, trying to explain to his mom that the interweb will work and stuff, and then there’s his mom who’s all up-tight and wants us to be gone so that he can focus on his work.

It’s just so funny. I mean, I thought that my parents were bad when it came to stuff like that, but they are SO NOT. Nowhere near like his mom, thank god. I mean, every 5 minutes when I was on my laptop workin, she would come in and watch for a while. When I finally finished and needed to print out my paper and when we were alone, I told him that I felt sorry for him. He said that she’s normally not like that. It only happens when guests come apparently. Either way, I feel sorry for him.

While it was printing, he was askin me if I was really gonna go to the talent show since he was in it (it’s a musical talent show that HOCO has, and he was one of the ten who got chosen). I told him that it depends on when it is. Cuz if it was the weekend, I would of brought shelle with me, but he said that it was on the 30th of this month. On a Tuesday. I told him that I prolly couldn’t since it was at 7 and I couldn’t bring shelle with me. I dunno, it’s a while from now so we’ll see. I asked him if he was gonna go to watch our skool’s play once upon a mattress since I was gonna help build the props. He didn’t really get to answer since his mom came in then and it finished printing.

We left a minute after it finished printing. But yeah, for some reason, I cant help but find it funny and laugh at the situation. Mommy was a pissed cuz vinh’s mom was being so rude and stuff (on the way home, she got on the phone with daddy and was tellin him all about it), and told me that we were never goin over to his house again. Still cant help but chuckle. I should be feelin PO’ed too but I think that since it’s never happened to me before, I cant help but find it different. And to find out that my parents have never been as strict as his mom, was refreshing, I guess.

I really shouldn’t even be on here right now. I’ve got to finished reading my needed pages of the invisible man for our lit circles tomorrow and really need to get started on my social studies project. Not to mention, I failed the science test today so I really need to do something about that, too. And I need to double check on my English project that’s due tomorrow, too.

*sighs* such a busy week.

Shelle is now staying at daddy’s office in macon. On Saturday morning, daddy made us pack all of her things and moved it to the new house here in warner robins. It was so sudden, we didn’t know what was happening. But, for the rest of the day and sunday, she unpacked all of the stuff that she didn’t need to bring to daddy’s office and got the stuff that she did need for Monday when we were supposed to go there. So now, she has to wake up earlier and stuff and get driven to and back from skool like how me and brian had to do during our first few weeks of skool.

I thought that it’d be really sad and stuff to know that shelle was really gonna be farther away from me now that she’s gonna live in macon. And since we both didn’t have any interweb, it’d be even harder to talk to each other. But surprisingly, I’m okay. I expected to cry a little bit and stuff after skool, but I didn’t. I think it’s cuz I was kinda gettin used to it. You know, bein alone without her and stuff. She’s gonna be over this weekend, tho, so we’ll catch up then.

Found out that we get progress reports in 2 weeks. I need to keep my grades at what they are now or else I’m doomed.

I finally got to unpacking all of my boxes yesterday. Wow, I found my yearbooks and I was lookin through it for a while. It was so funny seein everyone and how different they were. And all of the stuff that I had packed away for months, wow, I forgot that I had all of that stuff. :P and I found all of this stuff that I saved from the previous years of the gang and stuff. Man, it really brought back the memories. I really wished that I could go visit them at skool or something.

And I got to thinking about how cool would it be if I really had a penpal. Someone who lived in another state who didn’t know about me unlike how it is with writing letters to haley and the rest of the gang. I really want to try it out and see who I’d be talkin to. It seems really interesting. And I’d love to give them secret assignments; that’d be really cool.