My Wife Cheated On Me – Question & Answer

NEWS: Want to discover the 7 principles to recovering completely after your wife cheated on you? These principles are the key to your healing – but 99% of men get them wrong or in the wrong order. Find out what they are here in my eBook below:

If you’re saying to yourself, “My wife cheated on me, now what???” well today I’ve got 5 rapid-fire questions and answers for you.

You can either watch the video as I answer these questions from readers just like you – or read the page below.

Let’s dive in…

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QUESTION FROM A READER
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Kevin, I do want to say a hearty thank you for your help through the information you send out. I am continuing to deal (which makes me mad that I even HAVE to..) with my wife’s affair; the images, and how can I now trust her, are at the top of my mental/emotional/spiritual list.

Carry on, my friend, helping us cope with a matter ‘we never truly thought’ would happen.

Sincerely,

– David

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MY RESPONSE
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Hey David,

You touched on an important part of why us guys get so screwed up emotionally when our wife cheats.

And that’s the fact that we didn’t ask for our wife’s affair – but now we have to deal with the gut-wrenching mess she made.

It feels so “unfair.”

And it’s easy to see that it IS unfair.

We did a great job – not a perfect job – but a great job as a husband, we were faithful, we honored our marriage vows, perhaps we were a good father… and now we get rewarded by our wife ripping out heart out.

Now, a lot of guys stay in the “it’s so unfair” stage for months, even years.

You know where it gets them?

Absolutely NOWHERE.

So dive in and really feel how unfair it all is… but at some point… we’re going to need to move on.

Otherwise we get stuck… in what I call The Victim Seduction.

The Victim Seduction is the seduction of seeing ourselves as a victim.

It’s a seduction because it’s tempting to see ourselves this way after our wife cheats.

We get to feel self-righteous.

We get to feel “right.”

We get to feel “wronged.”

And this – in a twisted way – can actually feel good.

Don’t get stuck here. It’s no way to live a life.

Eventually you will reach a point where the affair doesn’t define you.

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QUESTION FROM A READER
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Kevin

How do you define “deep remorse”?

– Craig

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MY RESPONSE
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Hey Craig,

I talk about “deep remorse” being one of 4 indicators that tell you how much of a chance
you have of saving your marriage.

Deep remorse means your wife feels like shit about having the affair.

Now, in some cases, it’s clear that the wife does have deep remorse.

This is a positive sign, because it means she still cares about the relationship, about your
feelings, and she’s at least somewhat out of the “Fantasy Stage” of the affair.

But in many other cases, the wife DOESN’T have deep remorse.

She may feel a little bad about what she’s done, or not at all.

Either way, it’s not ENOUGH.

And it bugs the HELL out of us.

It indicates that – for the time being, at least – she doesn’t respect our feelings, doesn’t care enough about the marriage, or is still in the Fantasy Stage of the affair.

When a wife doesn’t have deep remorse for breaking her marriage vows, it makes it virtually impossible to be at peace in the relationship.

It’s fairly common for her to be in denial when the affair is still fresh, but if it
continues and continues… it can be a deal breaker.

The emotional “work” of pursuing a relationship with a woman who doesn’t care about the
emotional hell she’s created is almost impossible to get past.

*** By the way, if you want to know the other indicators that will tell you how likely it is
your marriage can be saved, go here:

My name is shavonna. You have sent me a number of emails about wives that cheat. I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy reading the different stories about all those no good women who treat good men bad.

I feel so sorry for them….

– Shavonna

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MY RESPONSE
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Hey Shavonna,

I like the way you put that:

“…stories about all those no good women who treat good men bad.”

Some of us guys, when our wife cheats, we’re marriage SO badly that we lose sight of the fact that our wife cheating is simply a BAD thing.

We’re good guys… and we got treated baaaad.

Simple as that.

Now, I don’t believe that our wives are “no good women.”

In psychology that’s called Over-generalization.

Our wives aren’t ALL bad. They’ve got some good parts that we love… and some bad parts that can make life hell.

And those bad parts made some decisions – and may be still making decisions – that are bad for us, bad for our family… and just plan bad.

It’s important to remember that no one is “all good” or “all bad.”

None of us were perfect husbands, either. But most of us honored our wedding vows.

Thanks for writing in.

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QUESTION FROM A READER
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[My wife] tells me about this affair she been having with a co worker… said it was may-july 1988 and only lasted 3 months.

I find that hard to believe.

Well anyway it hit me like a bomb! And even after 20 year’s it still hurts real bad, and I don’t think I handeled it the right way cause now she is real defencive and wont talk no more about it! Which really pisses me off!!!

– Dan

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MY RESPONSE
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Hey Dan,

Yep, hearing the news that our wife has been unfaithful – even if the affair happened YEARS ago – can still make us an emotional wreck and send us into a tornado of pain and anger.

And, to add salt to the wound, our wife may not want to talk about it, admit what she did was wrong, etc.

You touched on something here simple but important:

You said you must have not handled it the right way because now she’s defensive.

EXACTLY.

When someone cheats and we attack them, make them wrong, etc., how are they going to respond?

Right… they’re going to defend themselves.

We’d probably react the same way.

It takes a certain level of character development when someone is attacking you for doing something wrong, for you to turn the other cheek and say, “Yep, you’re right. I screwed up.”

Many times the woman doesn’t have the self-esteem to do that – so instead she gets defensive.

Here is where you need to do some Mental Jujitsu….

Don’t attack her.

Don’t criticize her.

Just give her some space for 7 days.

Be a great husband for that week – even though you don’t feel like being one after all she’s done.

Giving her space like this will make it easier for her to admit that what she’s done is wrong.

You want HER to come to YOU. Pressuring her to talk about it often backfires.

Of course, if she doesn’t eventually come around you’ll need to approach her. If this is the way things go, have some compassion for her as you’re speaking to her, but also let her know you guys need to talk about it if the two of you are going to make it through this.

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QUESTION FROM A READER
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I have a question. I caught my wife having an emotional affair with a guy from our daycare. His wife actually caught him and alerted me to it, things got pretty messy, but I stayed. Things seem ok, but I’m paranoid its still going on. This was last year it went on, I watch things like hawk now. They both said they never met, I have reservations about that, we agreed to not discuss it anymore, but it still bothers me! What should I do or can I do? I don’t want to lose my wife.

Thanks,
Ted

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MY RESPONSE
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Got a question for ya:

How does it feel to have to be “paranoid” and to have to “watch things like a hawk” now?

My guess is it would kinda suck.

I don’t think you want to live the rest of your life this way.

In other words – it’s “unsustainable.”

Got another question for ya:

Why not say to your wife:

“Honey, I love you so much, I want to feel close to you, and I know it’s a bit of a pain, but for me to feel better we need to talk again about what happened with the guy from the day care. It’ll help us put it behind us.”

The fact that you said the two of you had agreed not to discuss it anymore seems like a red flag to me.

My gut’s telling me you agreed to not talk about it before you had got all your questions answered… and that’s why it still bothers you to this very day.

Yes?

And this is a lesson for all of us:

You need to discuss the affair until 100% of your questions have been answered.

Otherwise, as in Ted’s case, a year later you’re still going to have questions.

(This isn’t uncommon, by the way. It can be 12 months, 24 months, or even longer after an affair happens that discussions like these take place. It depends largely on how much communication you have, not how much time passes.)

It’d be great if your wife understood how “crazy making” affairs are… and that if you have unanswered questions, she can play a huge part in relieving your stress and doubt.

If she doesn’t understand this, or doesn’t care… could it be that she’s wearing the pants in the marriage?

Could it be she knows she can control you, that you’re not going anywhere, and so shedoesn’t have to give you any more info than she feels like?

That’s one guess.

I want you to save your marriage, but not at the expense of your self-respect.

Ask for what you need. If she doesn’t give it to you, start creating a life where more and more of your needs are met outside the marriage.

I call this “You – Round Two.” It’s a new version of yourself – or at least bringing back the things in your life that used to bring you joy, besides your wife.

I’m not necessarily saying start dating other women –

I’m saying make a life for yourself where your needs are met… especially when your wife isn’t willing to meet them.

=========== And If You’re Reading This Right Now… ===========

…and you’re thinking, “Ok, my wife cheated. I love her, and I’m a mess. I want to save my marriage. I want to feel better. I want to protect my kids. I don’t want to end up alone. What do I do?” then you’re in the right place.

As you can see, I have guys like you coming to my website and asking me for advice just about every day.

Why?

Because it’s not obvious what us men need to do when our whole world gets shattered by the news that our wife has been unfaithful.

That’s why I wrote the first and only eBook available anywhere that is specifically for men who have a wife who cheated.

I know where you’re at.

Hell, I’ve been through it, personally.

I’ve come through the other side – and I want to show you how you can to.

How many therapists or experts out there have first-hand, real-world experience of affairs in their own personal lives?

What you’ll find inside my eBook (it’s called Survive Her Affair, by the way) is a ton of practical, easy-to-use advice to speed up your healing process, get relief from the pain, start feeling better, and begin making damn smart decisions from this day forward.

“I want to thank you for your book. I just found out 3 days ago that my wife of 14 years has had 4 affairs. The first one was 2 years into our marriage, the most recent being 1 month ago… The pain is unreal. I couldn’t figure out how to deal with it and I looked online and found your book. I appreciate the fact that you are not a psychologist, but someone who has been through the pain I am feeling now.

I made my wife read your book as well, and told her you are describing my feelings almost verbatum…. This has been so difficult, as I realized I don’t have any close friends I can speak about this to. My wife has always been the one I’ve gone to, to help me deal with things. It was nice to know I am not the only one who is going through this. Once again, I sincerely Thank You.” -JB

I personally stand behind my eBook so it comes with a simple guarantee:

If you’re unsatisfied in any way, I insist you email me and I’ll refund every last penny… and we can still be friends.

Kevin Jackson is an internationally recognized infidelity expert who, after being betrayed himself, has gone on to help thousands of men recover when their wife had an affair. He’s been featured in popular news outlets such as The Huffington Post and Bloomberg Businessweek, and he is the creator of a proven 4-step approach that gives men the “blueprint” to successfully heal from infidelity. If your wife cheated on you and you want to recover as quickly as possible, grab his free report “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Men Make When Women Cheat” or his powerful eBook system “Survive Her Affair.” He’s available for interviews and speaking engagements.

20 Responses to My Wife Cheated On Me – Question & Answer

My story is probably unlike any you may heard before and the details aren’t all that important but maybe our story will help someone. The bottom line is I have cheated and my wife has cheated. The difference is my affairs started 25 years ago and I confessed some of it to her. We didn’t handle it properly because we were young but we stayed together. I had confessed to her there was a child from one of the affairs. 16 years later when I met that child, I had a second affair with the same woman. (Really stupid comes to mind here.)
My wife and I met in High School and have been married 25 years now. This past year was multiple “red flag” year for me. My wife turned 40 a couple years ago and went off the rails. I finally cornered her and I just found out she had a year long affair that ended 3 months ago. She was trying to have several other affairs that didn’t materialize fully but were inappropriate. She found her affairs at the grocery store where we shopped and the laundry mat where my dry cleaning was taken. Hell, she even had a sexting affair with one of my customers. Once she started confessing she told me she had an affair 20 years ago when she got pregnant with our first son. She considered abortion, suicide, and who knows what else. She dealt with it alone for 20 years.
Now my mind is reeling and my world is upside down. Like you said…payback is a bitch.
In all, thru 25 years of marriage I have cheated on her 23 different times with different women and she has cheated twice. The natural question is what the fuck were we thinking and how can we still be together? I don’t know and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done…even tho I’m the biggest offender. But we were always best friends and had deep love for each other. All those affairs were just sex.
It’s unclear to me how I can feel so one-sided. It could be that she was a virgin, (like I said, we met young) and I held the fact that she had never been with another man in high regard. Then she kept lying to me and let me believe that she had never been with another man even 20 years later.
But she did have an affair 20 years ago and for me it just happened. Now I question if I’m my son’s father. I question everything. Our whole marriage has been a lie. But we made it that way. We lived in a shallow relationship.
Your book has been a life-saver. Yes, I wanted to die, wanted her to die, wanted those men to die, anything to stop the pain. Pretty one-sided huh?
It’s taken us 3 months using your material and reading it like “surviving his/her affairs” together. So we decided we still loved each other above all else. So we renewed our vows on our 25th anniversary, June 12. We wrote our own vows and read them out loud in front of our family and friends, most of them knew what we were going thru. We recommitted our lives to each other to create a new marriage where we are dedicated to each other and where we will grow together and communicate openly and honestly. We see where we have failed…in our communication and serving each other. Having each other is a privileged and an honor…not a right.
I am hurting and she is hurting and we have done this to each other. But now we are talking and sharing like never before. We are learning things about each other we never knew. I had a porn star wife and never knew it! We have stopped inhibiting each and we can see a glimpse of a life even better than we had before. We are free of holding in our lies and covering our tracks.
Thank you for sharing your pain and the drive and tenacity to use it to help others. We are so keenly aware of others pain now and hope we can help when the opportunity presents itself.

My wife admitted to cheating on me for a month, only after I produced irrefutable evidence of the fact. I had to make her call the guy and tell him that they couldn’t be “friends” anymore…I had to delete and block his number, and eventually, I knocked him out. It took her months after admitting that she cheated to admit details, including duration, frequency, and to retract many things that she said to minimize what she did and probably to spare my feelings. Just before blocking the guys number on her phone, he sent her texts accusing her of cheating with at least two other guys. One of these guys in question also told his own girlfriend that he cheated with my wife. I have since ordered a polygraph machine. I have asked her to be honest with me about what really happened, and I will work on forgiving her. She sticks to her story, even going so far as to tell me that after meeting a dead-beat dad who doesn’t even own a car that she met in a drug-dealer’s $15/night sleazy hotel room, that she had no idea that he wanted to have sex with her until after she went to a bar with him as “friends”, got drunk, went back to his hotel room to “play dice”, was sitting with him on his bed, still drinking, and he began to touch her. He was a relative stranger at this point. This was only the second time she had “hung out” with her “friend.” Should I leave her if she fails a polygraph? Should I even forgive her if she admits what she does beforehand? I just want more than anything for her to admit of her own volition what she did, own up to it, take responsiblility, and ask forgiveness for what she actually did, not her watered down version of how events transpired. What are your thoughts?

I believe every marriage is salvageable. Kevin’s words are 100% spot on…she has to show deep remorse…and you’ll be able to tell if she is truly broken. Asking for details can be both positive and negative…so be careful in what you ask when the truth comes out. I speak from experience. More than 20 years and 4 kids…with who I thought was one of my good friends…Stay strong…you didn’t fail…but don’t linger in victim land to long.

Brother Brian,
You say that every marriage is salvageable. That may not be the case. It depends on what your personal values are, what you expect from marriage, and the nature of the offense against the marriage. If you are a non-religious person who has had a checkered sexual past yourself, and sees marriage as a essentially a civil contract, then your wife’s indiscretions are an annoyance but not necessarily a deal-breaker. If you are a Christian with a strong sense of the sacramentality of marriage, then infidelity is a sacrilege that cannot be tolerated.

It depends also on the nature of the offense. If you are both worldly people who did a lot of hooking up when you were younger, then you have to cut her some slack for old habits of hooking up whenever a choice opportunity for zesty sex with an attractive prospect comes in view, especially if she was under the influence of alcohol/drugs. You might forgive a drunken one-night stand at an out-of-town conference, but if it was a prolonged secret affair that required constant deception, it most likely will happen again in the future.

Then you have to decide if that’s something you can out up with. If that’s the case, then you need to tell her to make sure that she keeps it out of your circle of friends and neighbors, preferably in another city. Tell her you don’t want to know about her secret sex life, but you don’t want to hear about it from one of your friends either. Counsel discretion, and give yourself the same permissions. Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Hello Kevin,
Here is my story:
After 16 years of marriage my wife one day in last April stopped having sex with me. She claimed having “headache”, them high bloodpressure (this one is true, for many years), then “changing hormones”. I waited and tried to be patient, as she was always very asexual (with me), letting me approach her once a month or so for all these years. I lived in marriage and without marriage with 5 women before her, the sex was always OK, just other things did not match. Two of my exes even approached me when I was already married on her. With other women I felt like with some kind of sisters, if you understand.
I never spied on her, I trusted her. I did not cheat on her, I did not have urge for that. This is my second marriage, first I became widowed at age of 29. We have two kids, 16 and 13 y/o. She did not work since got pregnant with the first, so she could be a „soccer mom” taking children to sportsfield twice a week. In summer we had an awful holiday in a spa resort, I was with the kids, she was always somewhere else. We met only at meals and in evening. We had 2 rooms, but slept separated. I tried to take care of her health, and in thouhgts I damned her changing hormones, I have tried to let her see a gynecologist, but she did not want to. She said it will be OK with time.
Once in October I needed a teacher’s number, so I took her mobile (I did not do it for years) to open contact list. There I saw a man’s first name without last name. It was strange, so I checked the history. There were several in and outgoing messages (with text part deleted) for past months, long in and outgoing calls, during the day and even in the night. When I asked her who this was, she told me this is a man who returned from the USA after working there for years (we are Hungarian) and he just helped her with her English learning. He would have a woman and a kid in Canada, not visiting them. I found out he was playing soccer at the same sportsfield and exacltly on the days when my kids were. That evening she left on the table her calendar written how the affair developed, when they met and where. This I matched with my calendar, and found that these days were exacltly when I had to stay longer at work. When asked her, she told it was not true, she wrote this in purpose to make me feel bad because I did not trust her.
Next time they went to the sportsfield, I went with them, sat next to my wife and asked her if this is that guy, or this one, or this… She always said „NO”. Once I saw her eyes met with one man, she shook her head lightly and he passed. I had the phone number stored, and now I called – there was a ringtone from the guy’s sports bag. I went to him, called his name and told him not to call my wife and not to send text messages. He told it is not his name, he did not call and did not text to my wife, and he spoke to her only once. I was really angry, and he was really afraid, face grey and lips thin.
When later in despair I wanted to move out, standing at the door with suitcases, wife hold me back, embracing my neck. But this was the last time when she touched me or let me touch her. When we meet in the house, she steps out of my way, when gives me the keys, does it so that her fingers do not touch my hand etc. We stayed together only because of the kids, but we speak only the necessary stuff, what to buy, who pays the electricity bill etc. Once she cried and told she wanted to forgive me (what?), but she can not because she does not love me any more. But does not want me to move out either.
One year has passed, this is October again. For one whole year nothing changed for better, but got even worse. I am not sure if the affair goes on, but I know she got more careful, deletes history from her laptop and mobile, and has always a good alibi with her woman friends. The pain in me got blunt. I still love her, but I do not want to live all my life this way. Still, I can not decide to make a radical step.
What would you advise me?

Thank you for these blogs and website. My advice to you all is to figure out your own worth, your wife, your relationships worth, honestly and how your relationship is, was, and where you want and need it to be and where she thinks, feels, and knows it should be. None of this is easy, but when it does become easy take advantage. Get help and if you love her and she loves you and you can give each other the time and effort to make it all work together again than go for it…..but it takes two and the timing has to be together and right.

My story. Is so long and complicated yet only with the past year and a half. I had a great almost 3 years of nothing but goodness. She has gotten out of a previous marriage and we lived together with her kids 75% of the time in her apartment for a year before I bought a home for us. We lived there full time at our place. After job losses on her side and family problems and my own problems with jobs I stepped it up and started working first 2 and than 3 jobs for two almost 3 years. On the 4th year together things started to fall apart when she started hiding money from me and her online accounts, cell phone, email, all of a sudden and the stress of 3 jobs and money problems begin to break me. I suspected a few things and confronted her, but since she did so well before and I had absolute trust in her I let her handle it. However it got worse and worse and like many of you here the time spent apart started happening too much. I started catching her friends bring too many guys over my home and since I was never home for more than few hours on the weekend nights and only home on the weekdays consistently. I just felt something was going on and confronted her and it resulted in us separating for a month and half at home. Than she came back and we made up. Than right before we married and invested so much money into it. A couple months later we got into a small fight that she blow up and than she started to distance herself from me and go out with her friends. Well I caught on and came home early one night from work when she was out of town and I found her and another man in our home in our room naked. Now she had enough time for her, but not him and she tired to cover it up. My pictures where all taken down and I was denied even being in a real relationship and accused of being a wife beater when the most I have ever done is hold her down to talk when I confronted her on the first time I caught her cheating from that separation but let her handle it. I than said if I was this crazy violent guy I would be attacking her and him and out of respect for not hurting her. I did not. She than run off with this guy in separate cars after confronting them that it was to talk about how bad of a person I was that he was there just to talk to her and I was home here now and I asked lets talk than. She ran away. I didn’t want her to stay that night since she claimed to never be married to me and love me anymore. Sadly I had to have her and the kids my step kids move out because of her refusing to stop seeing this guy and going out with friends and to concrete on us until we fix things. We ve almost worked things out a few times but something always comes up and she is now living with her ex and mom and brother to take care of the kids. I had a massive heart attack and died a few months ago due to the stress of this, genetics, and my work stress and money problems. I still love her and she loves me, but not in love with me. I am in recovery from my health issues and have not been work for 2 months since it happened. Thank you everyone on this site the stories I’ve read and advice I’ve heard makes me feel I’m not alone. I’ve burnt out all the help I can get from family and friends. I am Lost at times and confused. I wish you all the best and luck. I am in the social workers field and was training in bjj and mma and a straight edge guy. Im not perfect I could have done more time and made more money for her and the kids and the fact that I want my own child with her as well. That’s changed and recently she came back into my life after the heart attack and wanted to try and just like that it all changed a few weeks ago. So painful and tiring. I still am tiring to take things day by day. I know I’m lucky to be back here.

I found out my wife had been having an affair a year ago. She was lead on a project in 2008 when she & her project engineer started hooking up for couple months. Project ended so she stayed at local corporate company he went to companies Europe location. 2009/10 was therefore more sexual email letters and pics vice physical. Same period me met & married a gal who found emails my wife sent him. Spent 1+yrs finding me to force her husband to provide me respectful opportunity to know about the affair. He called & I put him on speaker for her to listen & just start denying it all. Needless to say with your ebook and sarah’s pckg, & txting pckg, and blog reading, we”ve talked enough I now know this was her 3rd affair in our 20+yr marriage (all with engineers at her jobs over the years). The problem…after initial fights and bad attitudes (& her denial verbally always), she finally admitted to 1 bad mistake of them having 69 but stopping knowing was a drunken mistake. Was then I started text program, talking about things calmly; during which she mentioned first 2 from years back at other jobs but never coming clean to validate the last guy and his 2yr affair details with my wife. So ive been back to my normal even keel. Except now more sexually aggresive & proactive than in previous 20yrs! She is also back to normal. What isnt is this last guy. Im still addicted to wasted hours finding little crumbs of his existence in our computer world and she continues to sneak through and destroy my notes/crumbs I find of this guy. She wont honestly fess up & im pathetically addicted to finding details for proof, she hopefully doesnt find & destroy. We’ve both been through your ebook. The other 3 professionals & their programs I Ordered via ur email strings I never shared w/her. problem is she still denies & plays dumb & im still looking for respect, honesty, & ultimately, closure. Any ideas for guys stuck in a rut going in same cycle 1yr out now too afraid to verbally bring it up again year later in hopes of finality?

my wife of 25 years was using a taxi company for doc visits. she had as many as 3
per week. her driver who is HIV possitive sweetalked and got her to stay with him in
his cab after her sedated med appointments. some we e counselor appointments where he would talk bad about me, and build himself to have the talk to be about how bad i was. he would then continue this talk asking how her talk went with the counselor. he would bad me and build himself. he lived in his cab and cold weather was coming for 5 winter mo. he convinced her to take 20 thousand from our jpint account

and used it to live w/him in motels for the cold months. she exposed me for over11 months and cops say its no crime. im in divorce proceedings cause of the HIV and being teribly afraid of it. they have worked together to. orcestrate a protection order on me. its an attempt to take back my use of house possition and custody of my boy. im vrry affraid of her using fake abuse along with being disabled against me in the courtroom. they want everything i built in this 25 years. ive done the good spouse thing and it seems to her im not a man. i have so much evidence but it seems it dorsnt matter. what can being the faithful honerable spouse mean? im an emotional wreak but we get by. she is off living w/ this guy. he has hrr fooled.

i love her but cant be with her now.anymore. i have to yry to love again with another
i guess. is it waisted, the 25 years? do i tell any othet girls of my exposer? he ijad a huge advantage to convince her to keep it quiet. he knew she would expose me but didnt care. this life i live is forever changed and its all based on a desperate person/things needs. he walked out on his family 10 years ago an is trying to take mine. he has my wife already.

I had a 6 mo coworker affair 4 years ago, my husband bluffed me into confessing (I lied and said 4-6 times when prob 12)- he stayed obsessed shaking down the guy, the hotel ( only stayed at 2-3) and I tried to answer all, even super personal details. He doesn’t believe me ( have had no other indiscretions and no contact for almost 3 years. Yet he continues to say I haven’t answered everything (I’m sorry I really don’t remember exact dates and exact details he’s asking/ he says hotels say 20 (no way if forget that much) and I’ve supported us financially 90% of marriage (he has gambling prob and doesn’t work just hustles)- we have 2 autistic kids what do I do?? He found out 18 mo ago and things worse not better. Any advice when it seems situation reversed? I’ve apologized 1000 times and he still brings it up every fight.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years(married for 2 years). Due to work we live 650km apart. In December 2013 I found out on her Facebook that she had been intimate with a colleague since September 2013. At first she got angry and said I invaded her privacy and was not even willing to talk about what happened. When she talked, she said nothing really happened and she was going to end it. I once cheated on her years before we got married, I confessed back then and she forgave me after months of me bending over backwards to prove to her that I had repented. I asked her if this was payback for my past indiscretion, she said not at all. Two days later she told me she ended her ‘relationship’ with her colleague. I believed her and asked her to cut all contact with him, to which she agreed. she said they would only discuss work, if necessary. For the following 9 months I kept finding proof that they were still very close. We had a lot of fights over this during this period, where she keeps telling me she will end it, I believe her and I find out that she didn’t end it. Finally, earlier this month she decided to confess. She told me she felt neglected and lonely and this guy was giving her lots of attention and doing things for her which I didn’t do. She said they slept once during a work seminar and she regretted it coz it made her feel dirty and they never slept again. she said that even after I found out and decided to be more attentive and caring she still continued with him coz of the favors he would do for her. I asked why he would continue with her if they never had sex again? she said she doesn’t know. After this confession she said she would only talk to him about work (AGAIN!). Two days later I discovered that he has been helping her with her school work and continues to help her. I also help her with her school. I haven’t told her that I know this. I think her confession was just a bunch of half truths. I have decided to inform her parents(in her presence) of what has been going on. AM I WRONG?I want to see if they can help us. She lives with her mother who is divorced from her father. I love her a lot and would like to work things through but logically thinking, SHOULD I? IS THIS A SERIAL CHEATER? Help me

My wife and I have been together for 16 years. We are both 33 years of age with two boys.

I found out in January 27th 2015 that shes been having a sexting relationship within the school district she works in. It had been going on for the better part of 3 months with some very graphic video and pictures to one another.

It just so happened that the man pursuing her (which she did not reject) is a principle within the district. 48 hours after all the details came out I confronted the man before school started and told him he had 24 hrs to resign or I would be coming forward with all the details making it very public. I didn’t feel a principle, someone around children should have such little character.

2 months later it is as if he never existed, all indications are that he is gone for good.

My wife is remorseful & I know she can see all the pain she has brought on me. I find days where I am a complete emotional wreck. I am suffering with the images, & the fact that she is rationalizing it, calling it fiction. “Not real” Her real love is for me.
I am afraid of being stuck in the Victim mode for to long.
I cant sleep at night, so I do chores.
Not a big workout guy, so I am doing house task such as staining the fence.
I have tried planting a garden.

The worse part & most will laugh at this, she now wants to have a physical connection with me all the time.

It has this bittersweet feeling, I have always wanted a closer relationship to my wife. But not at the cost I had to pay.
Picture saving and working hard to buy the car of your dreams. Then after you bought it you find out its price has been cut in half the following month. You still have what you want just not at the cost you had to pay.

How can I get out of this state of mind, how can I get to a state where I enjoy where I am at in life.

We are happily married model couple for the last thirteen years with two kids 11girl, 6boy. I had one and only one wish from her. I wanted passionate sexual intimacy once a day, but she could only give a mediocre intimacy once a month for the last 13 years. Especially no physical intimacy in first two years of marriage despite me making every day like a honeymoon day with spending more than 12 hours with her. Never shouted on her in the last 13 years even with this significant issue and others.

Now I know the reason why she couldn’t fulfill my need. She had a lover before our marriage and they were physically intimate at the age of 17(wife) having it 3-4 time in a week. Sad part is after 10 years of breakage with him (due to our marriage) they got connected there years ago and having extreme passionate phone sex as often as they could. They talk every day at least for two hours (100% of the available time between India and USA). And if they are not able to talk for a day they feels as they missed each other for year and she shows deep depression with me on that day. Another much more saddest part is when I approached her for intimacy just an hour after their extreme passionate phone sex she denied me the intimacy saying she is sick or tired (Happened multiple time).

Funny part is when I realized they are having the affair I laughed to myself; how could she resorted to this destructive behavior without a single reason to rely on. As I said I never shouted on her in the last 13 years, I am romantic and huggy kissy, I have absolute no bad habits, gave her financial freedom unlike no one, I gave equal or more respect to her, I treated her parents like mine, I took care of kids so much my friends spouses wished they had an husband like me:-) and finally I had such a great work life balance that the rest of my friends envied it. The list goes on.

Actually I came to know this affair in Jan 2015(Not Disclosed here yet), between then and now (05/20/2015) I showed much more love on her and made my wish crystal clear that I need LOVE. NO CHANGE what’s so ever. Strangely I even became close to her lover and discussed in general about the lack of the intimacy between me and my wife and how strong I am in in general (to say I can give divorce) in the hopes they both get my thoughts very very clearly.

All along she is crystal clear that, I pardon incidents but do not condone patterns. She clearly known that I do give divorce if I came to know it. Still me being very clear about my wish, me making it clear about consequences of patterned bad behavior, me showing the ocean of love until the affair and the universe of love after the affair the change I see in her is virtually zero. By the way the small change I was hoping to see in her is ; she being intimate with me the same way she is with him.

With universe of love I showed on her, I could not make her forget him after 10 years gap between them or even I could not make here show the same love she is showing on her lover. Could I keep after revealing their affair? Does she have mental capacity to suddenly change? Is she worth keeping in the name of the kids?

Please advice. Should I keep her or divorce her.

Please let me know if you have any additional information.

Note 1 : I gave abundance of clues to both of them that I know the affair, they are in a shell made of of diamond that they are not able see through my clues. So far I did not reveal it to them openly.
Note 2: I am preparing the divorce papers in the meantime.
Note 3: I have audio and video recording from my home surveillance like bay monitors etc.
Note 4: I never doubted my wife until accidentally she dropped a clue in the form of residential phone call logs.
Note 5: I left my family in India in the April 2015 in the name of kids education in India.

Hello. I hope i can get some advise because my relationship is in critical state. I cheated on my boyfriend this year with a co worker. I feel absolutely terrible what happened after the affair. We are currently at 8 months after the affair so far. We never fight or even have an arguement within the 4 years I’ve been with him.

We have going to couple therapy and it’s not effective for him. What can i do re-gain his trust and show him i do truly love and care for him. I am already in the process of looking for a new job, so he start to feel less insecure.

We are not married but we are both still very young adults. What i do on my behalf to see there is potential for a re building a healthy relationship with him ? He have no family and I am all he have that he consider his own family. Any advise?

My wife has cheated before we got married and admitted it.but after she was caught lying about guy relationships and found out more.she has a four leaf clover in an envelope in her panty drawer. What could that mean.she is a lying whore.need advice pls

Hi Kevin,
My wife has had 2 LT affairs in our 24 years of marriage, the first was 18 months with the next door neighbor about 12 years ago. More recently her boss for 12 months. I never cheated on her but I’d like to stay together for our 3 college age kids. Should we just have an open relationship until something better comes along? At this point, I believe cheatas don’t loose their spots. Not sure how open relationships go though. Thanks

Hay Dave , My wife ( A Very sexy stunning indian school teacher) has had an affair some 18 years ago which she never end . It was as if i had no choice but i gave into her and after about ten years that past i gave in allowed her to see this guy, thinking that at some point it would end but recently about four weeks ago I have caught my wife having an affair with another guy that i was not found of and of some past disputes about seven years ago , For some reason he came back into our life ( god knows how but i kept a smiley face ) , this guy lost two marriages in two years but for some reason i’m assuming that my wife went after him. It could just be because the first guy had two heart attacks or This second guy is young and he used his sad story of his past marriages which wife may have felt as a easy target. This is so recent that it i caught them out through text messages (Whats App) and things that they did. ( i have emailed that chat to my self) She denied this but the problem , In allot of our past problems of her 1st affair and where i felt that i was not getting the attention that i needed from her , and we used to try and talk this out where she used commitment or tiredness and just a friend to her problem , i found that talking directly to her about those problems never helped me and i ended up pushing allot under the rug to keep carm at home because of young kids, but now with this fresh problem of her affair , im hurting but i want her to open up which she is in denial and now i feel that talking is not going to help , if she don’t open up to me , We stilling living together but in a silent way , we sleeping on the same bed and im becoming a nervous wreck , What should i do and how should i face this problem. i feel that why talk if she is in this comfort zone and feels like in the past i overlooked lots of those problems , I still love my wife but where do i go from here and what do i do????? Could you please advise me

"Hi Kevin, thanks for your eBook. I must say it has me more than anything else since I found out my wife cheated on me. So much of the stuff out there is bullcrap... your book is helping me get my balls back out of her purse and maybe even a little bigger to boot."
- Brad S.

"I Would Have Been A Basket Case By Now..."

"Thanks for writing your book. I would undoubtedly be a basket case by now had I not stumbled across your experiences and insights to help me rationalize what is happening with my wife's affair. Keep helping other Kevin.. you have a gift!"
- Ed C.

"Haven't Been Able To Put Your Book Down..."

"Kevin, I bought your eBook yesterday and haven't been able to put it down... To make a long story short, since I started reading your book I have had epiphanies... around the emotional investment I made into the marriage... Thank you so much for your book."
- Dave C.

"Kevin, your book does wonders..."
- Ryan G.

"I sincerely thank you..."

“I want to thank you for your book. I just found out 3 days ago that my wife of 14 years has had 4 affairs. The first one was 2 years into our marriage, the most recent being 1 month ago… The pain is unreal. I couldn’t figure out how to deal with it and I looked online and found your book. I appreciate the fact that you are not a psychologist, but someone who has been through the pain I am feeling now. I made my wife read your book as well, and told her you are describing my feelings almost verbatum... This has been so difficult, as I realized I don’t have any close friends I can speak about this to. My wife has always beent he one I’ve gone to, to help me deal with things. It was nice to know I am not the only one who is going through this. Once again, I sincerely Thank You.”
- Jason B.

“Your book makes sense and is spot on the roller coaster of emotions I've been going through..."
- Taylor M.

"This Book Is A Real Great Thing..."

“I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m everything in this book… I started surfing the internet and found this ad when I was on Google... I bought your book. Great read... I know I’ll survive... Let it be known that this book is really a great thing... I’m in a much better head space..."
- C.

(These results may or may not be typical and your results may vary depending on your situation.)