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Help Me! Harlan

By Harlan Cohen

Posted:
04/07/2014 12:01:00 AM CDT

Updated:
04/07/2014 09:36:14 AM CDT

Dear Harlan: My ex and I had a difficult breakup over a year ago. It took me a long time to get over it, but he continues to try to be a part of my life. I've tried to stay away, but he keeps insisting on being involved in my life. How do I deal with an ex who wants to be part of my life but has a girlfriend?

-- Ex

Dear Ex: You love to hate this guy. When he texts you a message, you're the one who sends him a text back. When he calls your phone, you're the one who picks up and answers his call. When he reaches out, you're right there for him. Want to get rid of this ex-boyfriend? Stop being there for him. Set firm boundaries. Tell him in the clearest terms that it's not healthy for you to have him in your life. Tell him not to reach out to you anymore. Make it clear that you will not respond to him in the future. If he texts you, ignore him. If he calls you, don't answer. If he cared about you, he would respect your boundaries and want you to move on. But he likes to manipulate you. If you can't set boundaries, set up an appointment with a therapist and get some help.