Friday, August 14, 2009

Mustaches For Michigan, Carcajous And Dual Threat Quarterbacks

The first post on this new Michigan football blogging experiment of mine, entitled When Carcajous Attack!, proudly featured a quote from Ernest Thompson Seton, a renowned 19th century wildlife artist and author, as he described the animal called the carcajou (a.k.a wolverine) using a rather eloquent choice of words:

"Picture a weasel -- and most of us can do that, for we have met that little demon of destruction, that small atom of insensate courage, that symbol of slaughter,sleeplessness, and tireless, incredible activity --picture that scrap of demoniac fury, multiply that mite some fifty times, and you have the likeness of a Wolverine." Ernest Thompson Seton from "Lives of Game Animals". 1925 - 1928. Vol. II

And I was always rather fond, and dare I say jealous, of Mr. Seton's most distinguished-looking of cookie dusters.

Indeed some of you may be shocked to find out what you may look like in the mirror with a brand new facial shrubbery with coordinates due south of the nostrils.

Do not be afraid, for I submit to you what could possibly be a more profound gesture of solidarity and support for our honorable and mighty Michigan Wolverine football players than a distinct, and handsome mustache to hail our Maize and Blue brethren!

Listen to me when I tell you that a Michigan Stadium jam-packed with over one hundred thousand mustache-brandishing Wolverine partisans on September 5th would be such a stunning sight - so powerful and endearing - and far too magnanimous for resentment, no one will be able to capture such an event and put it to words or music.

Just how in the world can Western Michigan head coach Bill Cubit possibly prepare his Broncos for such a phenomenon so beautiful, and at the same time so horrific?

The truth is, he cannot.

"My God, Tim! It's full of mustaches!"

And while it is true that Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez may be yelling profanities in your general direction right now in the name of all upper lips unshaven, Michigan remains steadfast in it's full adherence to integrity, trust and family values.After being on the receiving end of such obscene tirades, perhaps some of you Michigan men (and women) might pause and consider quitting before those post-nasal bristles have even started their shoots.

Do no such thing! Do not pause nor hesitate!

The last great dual-threat quarterback at Michigan did not quit. He did not deviate. Quarterback Steve Smith ran the triple option attack for the Michigan Wolverines between 1981-1983 and accepted the punishment that was sure to come from the oncoming defensive ends and cornerbacks. He suffered a separated shoulder and bounced back to lead Michigan on to victory and offensive success! Most importantly, Mr. Smith proudly displayed is facial wares every Saturday for the Maize & Blue, weakening the very will of any and all Michigan opponents.

Oh, the message is so basic. So fundamentally sound. Even people who consider carcajous to make excellent house pets have received the directive and understood its meaning loud an clear: