Friday

Columbus finished a disappointing 52nd in the rankings of the 100 most mustache-friendly cities in the country.

As a man with a mustache, I must take exception. I have never been ridiculed, denigrated or criticized for my mustache -- at least not to my face -- in Columbus. (Perhaps people were too busy ridiculing me for my opinions.)

And as I have explained before, after a mustache has obtained a degree of longevity, it becomes akin to a third eyebrow. Shaving if off would subject me to two weeks of people saying, 'Is there something different about you? Your face doesn't look the same."

I don't want to go through that. I have no choice but to keep it.

The rankings were determined by the American Mustache institute, "the world’s leading facial hair advocacy organization and think tank protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, Mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the lower nose forest."

So, no, they're overly serious about this issue.

Chicago was named most mustache-friendly. "As a result," AMI says, "Chicago will play host to AMI’s annual the annual Stache Bash benefit on October 28. The event will serve as the Chicagoland kick-off event for Movember, the global moustache-growing charity campaign raising awareness and funds for the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVE STRONG, the Lance Armstrong Foundation."

Here, in case you feel a need to flee mustache persecution, are the Top 10 cities:

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