From “Zombie President Brayne’s July 4th Address” by Cree Bral-Cortez

Zombie President Brayne, duly elected leader of all American zombies in accordance with the Thirty-Fifth Amendment, spoke today on Independence Day in a ceremony at the Blight House. Critics were quick to point out that President Brayne’s speech included multiple references to the eating of living brains by zombies, which is specifically prohibited by that same Amendment. He also earned criticism for the detainment policy followed by his administration, in which non-citizens caught in zombie territories are systematically milked for cerebrospinal fluid.

In response to this, Blight House Press Secretary Amy G. Dala noted that the address’s mentions of consuming living brains were “harmless jokes” that were “blown out of proportion” by politicians from the rival Necrotic Party. Secretary Dala also laid the blame for the cerebrospinal milking detainment program at the feet of Necrotic politicians and his predecessor Thrax Omerta. “Where is the outrage at Vomitory Calliphora?” said Ms. Dala, speaking of President Brayne’s defeated election rival who has not held elected office for over six years. “That’s the real story, the pro-Necrotic bias in the zombie news media.”

Reached for comment by Z-Span, former President Omerta called Brayne’s remarks a “national tragedy for the post necrotic everywhere.” Queried about his administration’s similar, but much less drastic, policy of measuring non-citizen brains for “census purposes,” Omerta declined to answer.