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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Ten Days

We had an appointment with Dr. P. yesterday and I'm sad to say that the news wasn't great. L.E.'s hips still aren't fusing into the sockets. He told us that if that's still the case in ten days, she gets out of the harness. In six months she'll be put into casts. This is absolutely NOT what I wanted to hear. The casts look horrible. They cover her whole legs, go around her waste and have a tiny hole for her diaper area. Couple that with the process of getting the casts on: it's done in the operating room with all sorts of injections and tests. She'll be in one cast for six weeks; then they take it off, repeat the tests and put her back into one for another six weeks. That's three months total. I never thought I'd be rooting for her to have the harness on longer but I sure am now.I'm trying to be optimistic that her hips will be fine in ten days but I'm still mentally preparing for the casts. Dr. P. was actually more forthcoming at this appointment than he had been through this entire process. That could have been because I had my mom (an orthopaedic nurse) with me at the appointment. He also explained that none of these are fool-proof. She could be in the casts and still need surgery afterwards. How am I feeling about this? Devastated. I feel like I failed somehow. No matter how many people say there is nothing I could have done, I still feel like an inept parent. Maybe I didn't have her harness on right. Maybe I could have place her hips out more while she's sleeping. Even Dr. P. said we've done everything we can. But guilt is a nagging feeling that I don't shake easily.All I can do over the next ten days is make sure her harness is on right and pray to God.