3/20/2005

It is Snowing on the First Day of Spring

It's been a while since my last post. I have been getting ready for our trip to Phoenix and, believe it or not, I have actually been working. I know you are as shocked as I am but it can happen to you too, so be prepared.

Pictures from yesterday:BloggerBot(I am still waiting for them to send or load or something)

Today is March 20th the birthday of my ex-husband and father of my two youngest sons. The boys haven't seen their dad in over two weeks and they are really doing great. Ashton isn't afraid to take a bath alone any more. He has been scared that someone will come in and take him for the last 4 months since their dad started visiting them again. Alec is minding better and better ever day. While he had visitation with Michael, he would go into screaming fits for no apparent reason. No more nightmares from either boy, so I am thinking all is getting better in the land of Oz.

My divorce papers say, "visitation is allowed when the custodial parent (me) deems is safe and appropriate. I originally stopped visitation due to the suggestion of Ashton's counselor. She wanted to see if there was a difference in his behavior. There was a great difference. She said that Michael's paranoia was bleeding thru to Ashton and causing him to be frightened again. Ashton has been in counseling for over a year and he was doing great until his dad stepped back into the picture.

Since Michael will be going to prison within the next month, I thought it would be wise not to get the boys used to him and then have him disappear again.

My greatest fear is that he will come over unannounced. I fear for my safety as well as the safety of my boys. Every parent has the fear of their children being stolen, but I have the fear of their dad stealing them and I will never see them again. When he did have overnight visitation, he did not take care of the boys. They would come home after spending one night with their dad and eat enough for 6 people and then sleep for about 2 days. Every time I would go to the judge to change visitation or complain about him not paying child support, she would just give him more visitation time. Some justice system.

So today, I appear to be calm and busy cleaning the house while on the inside I am a nervous wreck. Every time the dog barks I jump and make sure all the doors are locked. I have been carrying the phone around with me everywhere I go for the last 2 days, just in case.