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Today, at home instead of work, I am suddenly aware of time. Not that I wasn't before. Just today I am particularly aware of it. Oh it is always there, sometimes stretching long and brittle in moments when your child vanishes from sight in a busy department store; snapping back into place as he emerges from a clothes rack at your side. Sometimes, it compresses the 480 minutes of a work day into such a flurry of activity, you begin to measure your life by the gaps in between, and a year is 48 weekends and a two week vacation---your adult life blurred into years where time is measured in births and deaths. When I disappeared into the dark spiral of depression and anxiety some two years ago, time became elastic. In the emergency room, time stretched long and thin with no resistance, giving way to one, lone moment. Most of my recovery was what I call tick-tock-time; each second echoing in your head along side the looped messages of your internal critic : "You need to fix thi…

February is here and the ground hog, at least the one I listen to, Wiarton Willie has said that spring will come early this year. I struggle to keep my optimism afloat as I look out the window today at the 2.5 feet of snow that fell overnight, cancelling school, busses and even closing my place of work! Still, I like this better than the dull grey skies suffocating the world and clogging up my brain. The snow is fluffy and white, and while I cannot get Youngest out of bed most school day, I am in awe of how quickly the opportunity to enjoy a day off school that is NOT a weekend will launch him from his bed! I predict backyard dog wrestling will be followed my me dog wrestling a snowball packed canine into a tub to de-snowballize her. Everyone is home, except oldest, and half of us have showered and are dressed. Once the snow slows down it is all hands on shovels and the snowblower. Seven o'clock found me on the back deck in my pj's and boots, frantically shovelling a path for t…

Ok so this has been way harder than I thought. Last year, January was my dreaming month and it all just seemed to happen. It was about cocooning on my couch with books and movies and my electric fireplace. It was about coffee and reflection, mediation and renewal, and out of that came the guiding lights that identified what made me happy. And naturally, if they made me happy, I wanted more of them--even if they were hard. This year, January has been full of work. Back to work full time, parenting full-time, Middle moving in with us, Spouse off travelling for work and pleasure, three demanding puppies, trying to eat well and continue my soul work. The gym has vanished and the last visit with Sista was way too long ago….I feel it slipping away. Bits of me. That is where Wellness Wednesday came from. The one hour dedicated to me...each week. But how do you try to recreate what came so naturally last year, an hour a week? Well you find time right? Yes of course you do! Except for…

About Me

Lost--48 (yes I updated it and yes, it is accurate) year old woman of two, well educated, employed full-time, stable relationship.
Appearance -- well dressed, coiffed, professional.
Distinguishing characteristics - stooped shoulders, harried look, short tempered, angry, depressed, poor diet, exhausted.
Last seen: answering work e-mails from bed between doctor visits.
If found: please return.
This is my journey to self-discovery...and as always....is a work in progress.