Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm back!

Well, the trip was great in some moments, sucked during others. We argued and I found out some things that I don't want to go into right now...maybe never. I don't know yet. Anyway. I am too tired to actually do a post about the trip right now (we just got in at 7:30 this morning), or what happened or whatever. So I am posting a post that I wrote a while ago but never posted. (Sheesh, how many times in a sentence can one use variations of that word?!?) Why did I never post it? Because I didn't think Beloved knew that I was looking into his phone without his permission. Not that I feel I really did need his permission, but I didn't want him getting mad and blaming me about it after reading the blog. Which he says he hasn't done since he told me he wouldn't. Either way, it doesn't matter. Because here is the post I was holding onto:

Baby did a bad bad thing.

Well, I guess I didn't do THAT bad of a thing. I mean, it may have been a little invasive of privacy, but really, does Beloved deserve privacy or trust of any kind right now?

I didn't think so, either.

Which is why I decided to look in his phone during a rare moment that he put it down and left the room. I have been avoiding doing it. And I know it was Satan trying to get me to do it, and I admit, I totally gave in. I am weak and I am human and I am doing this without a manual, so give me a break. I already feel bad about it. And I paid for it, too.

Because I opened up the phone and I opened up his chat window and there was her little smiley face insignia saying 'available'. (ooh, side note-I have been toying with the idea of going on his account and changing 'available' to read 'married' so it shows up that way on hers. hee hee.)

Would you like to know what her screen name is?

You would?

Oh, I'd be happy to oblige.

It's 'tiny dancer'.

Now. Don't ask me why, but this really ticked me off beyond rationality. I was so irritated. Beloved has never had a nickname for me and this is what he gives to his mistress? I mean, it really bubbled and boiled in me for a while.

But then I got to thinking. Maybe it isn't a nickname. Maybe there is more to it. I mean, could she in fact be a tiny dancer? Who knows, she may very well be a 4 foot 7 choreography wiz!

Or maybe she is just average-sized but dances really tiny steps, like the mini cabbage patch or the teeny roger rabbit or the running toddler instead of the running man.

It has become very perplexing...

Now, it could have reference to the song by Elton John. I did think of that, too. Which irritates me, because about a month ago a friend loaned us the 'american idol sing it' for the wii and he wanted to sing that song several times. Which could just be coincidence. That's what sucks about this, is it pollutes every thing and makes everything seem shrouded with ulterior motives, etc.

OK, back to 'tiny dancer': So, if it does refer to the song by Elton John, then all I can think of when I hear that is "hold me closer Tony Danza", which makes me smile. And so that is how I refer to her in my mind. Tony Danza. Although, I love Tony Danza. I really always wanted him to be my dad when I was a kid watching 'who's the boss'. Such a great show.

But, I mean, really. Doesn't it make you smile to picture my husband going all loopy over this man:

I know it makes me smile. Oh. Word of warning. DON'T do a search for images of Tony Danza without checking the filter. Wow. I didn't know he posed nude....

I don't think I EVER wanted to know that. Though, I will say...Mr. Danza's 'tiny dancer'? Not so tiny.

This post had both J and I in stiches, singing hold me closer Tony Danza all night and yes, I think you have by yourself started a rise in hits on image searches for Tony Danza's not so tiny dancer. Thanks!

So, I'm back, just to say, Google has not given me the goods on the "boss" yet. Hmph. :)And I also agree with mama-face.I was young when that show was on, but somehow I always knew he should be my man, not my dad. Weird and creepy, huh?

About Me

15 months ago my husband told me he was in love with another woman. I was completely blindsided. I would have told you the day before that I was married to my best friend and soul mate.
Almost a year ago Beloved came home. We are working through this mess.
Why am I keeping this journal? Because I don't know how else to think through everything without driving myself crazy.
At least this way I feel like I am talking to someone.