I've been getting very different opinions from friends so I would love to get more thoughts on this from the TLS community. Some have said it sounds overwritten while others really like the type of language used - it's really just the way I write but of course that can be edited. Another thing is that the topic I wrote about, a fashion magazine, is obviously not the most intellectual sounding field but I tried to avoid talking about anything actually related to fashion and more about establishing the magazine itself. Hopefully that comes across.

And sorry for so many blanks - since it's so college specific I had to cut out a lot of identifiers...although some can probably still figure it out haha.

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PM me if you'd still like to read or exchange!

Last edited by pixelated on Wed Jan 02, 2013 5:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is one the most interesting PS's I've ever read. On the one hand it shows a great command of English (this isn't a first or second draft, is it?). On the other hand it's just a head-scratcher.

1) What about a football game? 2) The whole thing has a very Legally Blonde vibe to it3) I tend to be suspicious of writing that talks bad about people. Never dis your previous employer in a job interview.4) I'm not sure your argument for law school being necessary for a career in publishing is very convincing. Or is it that publishing is like law in some philosophical way, and so you feel like that's a good career change because... idk. Once you go into law mode I get lost. 5) Seriously. Legally Blonde.

^^ I definitely agree. This is really well written and that is often enough to drag the reader in and make them pay attention. I like what you were trying to do with the first paragraph but I don't think it worked here. Maybe talk about another occasion in which your group got together? Maybe even inject how something in that certain get-together made you think about law (though VERY subtly) so that your last paragraph will bring this initial thought full circle, as it seems like too overt a plug for law-school as is.

Thanks everyone -that was incredibly helpful! I agree with the first paragraph - I was struggling with the opening for awhile. I guess it does need more reworking, hopefully in a way that will tie in better with the end.

bluepenguin - yeah, I know...the legally blonde vibe is there but hey, if it helps, I'm not blonde in the slightest