Once upon a time, in an alcohol-soaked land not so far away, there lived a lovely girl who was known far and wide for her blunt honesty...
This is her version of how it all went to hell in a handbasket.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Things I learned at bar tending school.

I have more personality in my little finger than a lot of people have in their entire bodies.

For some inexplicable reason, red food coloring makes jugs of water smell rancid… but this only applies to red.

Brown food coloring makes pour tops look like they have herpes.

When alcohol is involved, I rock at life.

I love gay men.

Gay men love me.

When mixing drinks and you are using water in the place of cola, your drink will likely not be the right color.

Some people think it’s ok to make a vodka tonic with Jack Daniels. (Those people are idiots.)

Oh yeah, and I also learned how to make some drinks...

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Yeah, I LOVE bartending school! (And I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" or anything, but I'm frickin' GOOD at it!)

My instructor is a HOT gay man named Anthony. (If he were straight, I would marry him and bear his children, or I'd at least molest him on a weekend... but alas that is not the case.) (Michael, you would LOVE him!)

As far as mixing drinks goes, I am probably the quickest (at least top two) and as far as accuracy goes, I am pretty damn close to being tops on that as well. (I had one cosmo turn out more orange than pink, and I forgot to add soda water to a Tom Collins today, but aside from that I'm GOLDEN!)

There are a few hopeless cases in my class... I kinda feel sorry for them because they definitely paid a lot of money to take a class that they suck at... and it's really hard to have fun doing something when you suck at it as badly as they do. I've tried to help a couple of these people, but it's really hard to help someone when they think there's tequila in in a Grey Goose gibson. (I mean really, there's only so much I can do for you when you don't know what kind of liquor is in the drink you're supposed to make.)

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In case you can't tell, I (heart) bartending school!

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I keep forgetting my camera, so I can't post my alabama pictures just yet, but I promise I'll get to them VERY SOON!

================================Here are your quotes:

QOTD

Kirsten:"Ok, serious question: Would you be willing to trade your life for the existence of unicorns on earth?"Liz: "If I were 8, the answer would've been yes, but now, I'd have to give it some thought."Kirsten: Yeah, it has a lot to do with how in touch you are with your inner child, and how depressing your life is... On a Tuesday or a Thursday, I would say YES!"

"I come up with all of these really cracked out questions when I'm all viked up... I come home of an evening and spend 6 hours essentially alone, so I occasionally take a vike or two and sit around thinking shit up to pass the time." ~Kirsten

"My doctor doesn't know shit from apple butter! I'm pretty much convinced that I could go on WebMD and do a better job with my medical care" ~Kirsten