I’ve been living in New York for just over three years now. Recently, when I was in a less-than-pleasant mood, small things that generally don’t bother much were making a huge impact - namely, the lack of subway etiquette on a downtown 6 train at 5:30 pm. When I got on, the train was already crowded, with a horde of people pushing to get on behind me. I asked a man to move in and make more room, which he did. Train etiquette really boils down to simply being aware of your surroundings, and being considerate of other people. These helpful and versatile tips can be taken to any public transportation system around the world.

Take your backpack off - as a short person, I constantly get backpacks in my face when it’s crowded. This simple act makes so much more room for other commuters.

Move down into the the center of the carriage to make space for others. It doesn’t make sense to jam everyone against the doors when there’s free real estate in the center.

If you cannot fit onto the train car, wait for the next one. The likelihood of the next train being just a couple minutes away during peak hours is high, and keeping the doors from closing delays everyone.

Stop hogging poles by leaning on them; this is just plain rude, and inconsiderate.

If you’re sitting on a crowded train, try to keep your bags on your lap or underneath the seat, in order to make room for standing commuters.

Check your card balance before swiping in - clogging up the turnstiles during peak hours is frustrating to fellow riders.

At the end of the day, riding sardine-style sucks for everyone, but making it slightly less uncomfortable for yourself and your fellow commuters goes a long way. Further suggestions to making a crowded ride more pleasant are welcome, simply leave a comment below.

This may seem like a very #FirstWorldProblem post at first, but I’d like to address some observations I made while living life disconnected from the web for a week. Think about it - when was the last time you didn’t have your smartphone for more than a day? Perhaps a moment of panic when you realized you’d left it on the kitchen counter, followed by thoughts of the friends you wouldn’t be able to contact throughout the day.

Recently, my iPhone was stolen out of my purse at a music venue - the thief unzipped my bag while I was wearing it. I didn’t feel it because there were so many people around that I didn’t think twice about being jostled about. New York giveth, and New York taketh away. Thankfully, nothing stolen was irreplaceable.

The first thing I noticed about myself in the coming days was how much more present I was in face-to-face interactions. I took a day trip to Sleepy Hollow the morning after my phone was stolen. The train ride was about 45 minutes, and since I didn’t have my phone I spent my time looking at the scenery instead of scrolling. I noticed throughout the day when people would default to checking their phones. This is certainly a social norm nowadays, but it really sticks out when you don’t have a phone to look at yourself. After a couple days of being with a dumb phone - I had an old flip phone that could call and barely text - it felt quite liberating to not be “on” all the time, and people actually had to call if they wanted to talk to me.

What is baffling to me is how unaware people can be, especially in a bustling metropolis like New York. I observed so many people step out in front of cars, or walk into another person, or trip over something because they were looking down at their phones. I observed a lot of this, and it really made me think - is that text message really worth your life?

I’m back in 2018 now, and have equipped myself with a brand new iPhone so that I too can continue to peer into the endless abyss that is a little blue screen. I survived for the first 18 years of my life without an iPhone. I didn’t die when I was “disconnected” for a week; it was an unexpected, albeit important lesson in being more present and aware.

Someone once told me that I should write about what I know. I've received many questions about how I seemingly packed up and moved to New York right out of college, without a job, in the midst of winter. A lot of young people have this aspiration to leave the city they grew up in, or get out of the college town they've been in for the past 4+ years. I was no different. I spent half of my life in Bangkok, and the other half in Portland. I needed a change, and I wanted a big change. A very close friend from college had moved to New York a couple years prior, and suggested that maybe I give it a shot.

Here are a few things I feel are most important to consider when contemplating a move:

finances

career

housing

adaptability

Finances

I was coming up on my final semester of school, and due to officially graduate in December of 2015. I had been working at the same company for five years, since I started college. I had some money saved up but I knew that if I were to move to a super expensive city without a job, and no place to live, I was going to need as much cash as possible. I had this idea of moving cross-country back in March 2015, so I picked up a second job as a server during the summer when school was off, and saved all of my tips. Seriously, save up as much as you possibly can.

I was only planning to bring one suitcase with me on this move, so I had a lot of stuff to get rid of. I sold a lot of clothes, and shoes, and put that money into my moving fund. If you have a car, I suggest selling that too, since you won't be needing it (or even wanting it) in NYC - plus, it will provide you with a good chunk of change to add to your savings.

Career

"Why did you decide to move without a job lined up first? Are you insane?"

It was a seemingly insane decision, but in my mind the risk far outweighed the reward. Believe me, I did not make this decision over night. It took months of careful planning and running through "best case, worst case" scenarios. I made the assumption that no one in New York would hire me, given that I was in Portland still, and only had a few years of admin and marketing experience. As soon as I landed, I applied, applied, and applied to jobs like crazy. I would spend my days in Starbucks or the library, writing cover letter after cover letter. I got in touch with headhunting firms, and went on up to three job interviews a day. I didn't find anything that was a good fit for me or that met my salary requirements. I kept interviewing, and about 6 weeks in I started to panic - the sizable chunk of money I had moved with was quickly dwindling despite my frugal habits - and so I took a temp job as a receptionist to generate some income. I was still applying and interviewing, but I felt like I could breathe a little bit since I wasn't solely living off my savings anymore.

Eventually, I found another job with a large salary increase. I worked there for about 6 months, and realized it wasn't for me. The thing is, sometimes you think you know what you want to do, and then you try it, and find out that maybe it isn't for you after all.

I am now on my third job, which is much more in line with my career goals than the previous positions I held, and I have been with the company for almost two years now. Finding the right career path is like trying on outfits - you have to try different things to see what fits you best, and even if something looks good on the hanger, it doesn't always mean it will be a good fit for you.

Housing

Downsize. Assume that you'll be living out of a small to medium size bedroom when you first move to the city. Let me tell you, there's nothing like trying to pack your life up into one suitcase to give you a true reality check of how much stuff you've accumulated over the years. I had friends come over and rifle through bins of clothing, and told them to take what they wanted. Anything else left over was donated. I still have a few things left in storage at my parents' house, but I managed to get rid of most of it. Purging felt really good.

My number one piece of advice about moving, as well as traveling, is this: bring extra money, more than you think you might need, because you never know what emergencies may arise, and bring half the amount of stuff you originally planned to bring.

My friend was generous enough to let me stay with her for a month while I sorted out a job and an apartment. At the end of that month, I still hadn't gotten a job, but I certainly needed to get out of her hair and find a place to live. So, what are you supposed do when you still don't have a job, but need an apartment? Sublet. I made the decision to sublet a cheap room for $800 per month in Brooklyn. I found it on Craigslist, and moved in with three girls I had never met before. I didn't know where I'd be working, and therefore couldn't commit to anything more expensive without knowing what kind of salary I'd be receiving. The sublet was for four months - in which time I'd either have a job and a salary, or I'd be completely broke and flying myself home to my parents'. The great thing about subletting is that you're free from long term commitments. I knew that if I hated the location, or the apartment, or the house mates, I'd only have to be there for a few months. I didn't hate the apartment or the house mates, but the location was far from the new job that I finally landed. Eventually, I found a suitable home closer to work within affordable means of my new salary. I've been in the same apartment for over two years now.

Adaptability

Lastly, I want to address some differences in day to day life I didn't think about until I arrived. Depending on where you are from, these changes may be more or less drastic. I have always considered myself a city gal, growing up in Bangkok (8.2 million in 2016), and I am no stranger to crowded public transportation, constant noise, and pollution.

Big cities are not for everyone. Fast paced lifestyles are not for everyone. I've had friends stay with me for a weekend and say, "This city is so great to visit, but I can't see myself living here, it's just too crazy for me".

Here are some other questions you might consider asking yourself:

How do you feel about being in big cities; do they give you anxiety or do you thrive on the energy?

How important is convenience and ease of life? Car-less, I quickly learned that I could only buy things that I could schlep back to my apartment on foot or by subway.

Does public transportation gross you out? Are you claustrophobic? Maybe this isn't the city for you.

Are community washing machines a deal breaker? Unless you are ballin' out, most people go to a laundry-mat to wash clothes, or drop off to have it done for them.

I will say this - money doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy convenience. You can get just about anything delivered to your door - groceries, booze, your clean and folded laundry, et cetera. In my two and a half years of living here, I've only had my groceries delivered to me once (thanks Amazon x Whole Foods) and I felt incredibly bougie doing so.

I hope that this post has been helpful to anyone aspiring to make it in the Big Apple - questions are always welcome below in the comments section.