THE Walkie Talkie skyscraper at 20 Fenchurch Street in central London is melting cars. Martin Lindsay sis the rays melted the panels, wing mirror and badge on his Jaguar XJ saloon with warped panels along one side. He said: “They’re going to have to think of something. I’m gutted. How can they let this continue?” Agreed. Once upon a time, Jaguar was the mark of solidity and style;’ now it’s made form plastic and looks like painted Tupperware on wheels.

As a result of the melting Jag, people hzae been pictured looking up at the building and shielding their eyes, lest they too melt (like their hands).

City AM journalist Jim Waterson cooked an egg by skyscraper rays. This was presumably because he does not own a Jaguar car.

He then ate it, proving that solar power can replace natural gas.

It was so hot that a lemon in the window of a gentlemen’s grooming shop (eh? Best not ask) across the street from the 37-storey skyscraper at 20 Fenchurch Street blistered. One day the groomers hope to grow lemons and peaches.