This article explores the discordant nature of commercial bribery, public sector bribery's neglected twin. It maintains that the existing set of federal and state legislation inadequately protects companies and the public from commercial bribery, and it argues for specific reforms to curtail the offense in the private sector. Part I explores the history of commercial bribery criminalization in the United States and details the inadequate contemporary federal and state law approaches to punish the offense. Part II analyzes the public policy justifications for punishing the offense. Part III advocates for legislative action and proposes specific statutory reforms for federal and state governments to strengthen their responses to commercial bribery. It also recommends a series of self-regulatory measures for companies to adopt in order to protect themselves from the offense's corrupting effects.