I emailed U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokeswoman Angelica Decima, and told her how desperately I wanted to be cool. And how the Valle de Guadalupe scene is booming (so is Tijuana's craft beer scene). And maybe I said real getaways require souvenir wine and food gifts for Americans afraid to go to Mexico.

Then I asked her how much of the good stuff I can cross the border with.

A:California residents over 21 can cross into the U.S. with a liter (33.8 fluid ounces.) of booze every 30 days.

My metric question answered (no six-packs of cerveza can make the journey with me, apparently, but a big bottle of wine might), I started to wonder what foods were border-hauling no-nos.

So I asked what were the top confiscated foods at the U.S. port of entry.