Donald Trump Pumps Up the Dillon Panthers

Alright. Dillon Panthers. That’s great. Let’s talk about the other guys. The other guys, the other team, they have their quarterbacks, and they’ve got their receivers and their returners, and all this. And believe me, I know how it works. I’ve known their coach for many years. Can I be honest? I don’t think he’s the best at his job. He used to be. He learned a lot, watching me. But since he stopped listening to me, my analysts tell me he’s lost over a million games. Very sad.

So they’re coming at you and scoring these points, and they’re not gonna score points against me. People tell me, people tell me this all the time, they say “Donald, nobody can score points against you. You’ve got the best defense. You’ve got the best offense. The best this and the best that. Best best best best best.” That’s what they say! “You’re beyond anything we’ve ever seen in high school football before.”

You know, the media, they ask me “How are you going to beat the other team?” That’s what they ask me. How am I going to beat the other team? I just couldn’t believe it. Terrible people. We’re doing great. All the news stations have us ranked number one. We’re gonna beat the other team. By the end of the game, we’re going to shut them out by many, many touchdowns – the best touchdowns – and I’m going to have them scoring touchdowns against themselves.

It’s just going to take some tough coaching, something this team, frankly, has not had in a long time. For a long time, this team has been happy with, what, you go out. You run the little ball a few yards. You stop. You run a few more yards, you stop. It’s pathetic. No energy at all. As your head coach, it’s gonna be very different, believe me. No more of this second string stuff. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the second string loves me. I have a great relationship with the second string. We get along great.

Everyone’s asking me about Jason Street. “Jason Street,” they say this to me. “What will you do without Jason Street?” And let me tell you, I’ve known Jason Street for a long time. Very beautiful girlfriend. Very nice face, nice body. Some people think he was a great quarterback. Me, I like the guys who weren’t permanently injured. That girlfriend could do much better, if you ask me.

The quarterback now, Saracen. How incompetent is he? That stutter. “We—W—W—W—We’re just gonna—.” Total loser. I’ve been speaking for many years. I’ve spoken to many people. Matt Sarecen, he’s nice, but he’s getting walked over because he’s a loser. All the cheerleaders tell me that, the cheerleaders talk to me. Not just the high school cheerleaders. College, NFL, all of them. The NFL, they want me to come coach for them. They beg me all the time, you’d be shocked. “Donald, when will you coach for our teams?” The NFL, it’s a total dump now. I know the commissioners personally. Good guys. Terrific guys. But it’s a mess.

So how are we going to win? We’ve been over and over this, as I’ve said many times. I’ve answered this question many times. I have a tremendous brain for football. I’ve been winning football games for many years. I was winning football games back before anyone was talking about winning football games. And when I show you how we’re going to win this football game, I think people are going to be very, very happy with it.

So now, Texas, right? That’s where we’re all about here, Texas and forever. That’s terrific. So, we’re gonna go, we’re gonna get out there, we’re gonna beat the other guys, and it’s gonna be the best touchdowns, beautiful touchdowns.

My name is Tyler Huckabee. I'm a writer living in the South. I've written all sorts of things. Magazines. Plays. Television Shows. Music and film reviews. This very interesting list could go on and on. Anyway, this is my homepage, the beginning of a wonderful journey. Thanks for stopping by.