Sunday, December 24, 2017

Saturday morning, I
officiated Gia and Bayo’s Jewish-Muslim wedding ceremony, at Brenner’s
Restaurant, in Houston, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with
them and their guests:

One of the most beautiful
things about weddings is that there are no right ways or wrong ways to
celebrate this occasion. Every couple is different, and they may make different
decisions and choices, depending on any number of variables. In interfaith and
intercultural weddings, specifically, some couples choose to build a ceremony
that minimizes and deemphasizes their differences, while other couples choose
to highlight their differences, and celebrate them.

Now, if you know anything
about Gia and Bayo, you know what choice they would gravitate towards. They
both come from interfaith and intercultural families themselves, after all.
This figured into their relationship before they even met. As Bayo says, “I was
curious about her Jewish-Italian heritage because it reminded me of stories my
dad told of the ancient Roman Empire and the journey of the Israelites from Egypt.”

And, whatever differences
they had, they were very much in sync from the start. Gia says, “I knew after
talking with him that we shared the things that mattered most, and our values
and ideals were so similar. We both value family, spirituality, compassion, and
optimism. We both love adventure… and are very determined to reach our goals.
These things are so important to share with your partner…”

And Bayo acknowledges that,
though he “was captivated by her beauty and brain”, what sealed the deal for
him was much deeper. He saw in Gia, “a woman of high moral standing. In my
culture, good morals, trump material things. My mom always told me her prayer,
was for ‘the Lord to bless me with a good woman.’ I believe she can consider
her prayers answered, because Gia is the definition of a good woman.”

Once you have established
that you share what is most important, values, morals and character, you can
use your different characteristics to enhance your relationship. A Jew and a
Muslim, for instance, can bond not despite, but because they begin their
relationship during the holy month of Ramadan. As Gia tells us, “Bayo and I
started dating during Ramadan… We would meet in the evening after sundown
during the non-fasting period of Ramadan. Ramadan teaches Muslims how to
practice self-discipline, self-control, and empathy for others who are less
fortunate… Although I was not observing Ramadan with Bayo, my respect for his
practices… taught me these values as well…”

Bayo shares his
recollections from that time: “Gia was quite supportive and respectful of my
religious beliefs and practices during the entire period.” He adds what will
surprise no one who knows anything about Jews’ and Italians’ eating practices,”
She sometimes brought additional refreshment to supplement my meals for added
nourishment.” By the time Ramadan came to a close, Bayo says, “It felt like we
had known each other far longer than a month… Our relationship grew from there…
We began to see each other more often, and grew fond of each other… I soon
realized that I could trust her with my vulnerabilities as a lonely immigrant
trying to find his path and place in the land of the free.”

I recently heard a moving
interview with Julie
Lythcott-Haims, who talked about her upbringing and her journey growing up
in American society, straddling different cultures and identities. Her voice
cracking, she summed up what she felt was at the root of many of our challenges
today, in this land of the free: “We are suffering from a lack of compassion.”
It is in this context, that Gia and Bayo give me great hope, because the
strength of their relationship lies in the compassion their faiths taught them,
the compassion their families instilled in them, and their shared compassion
for others. Let us heed their call, and follow their call, and follow their
example.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Saturday afternoon, I
officiated Heather and Octavio’s wedding ceremony at Hotel Mazarin, in New Orleans, Louisiana.
Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry
to write an essay about themselves. This enables me to get to know them better,
and shape their entire ceremony. And their words also serve as the raw material
for these personal remarks.

I can’t tell you how much I
loved reading Heather and Octavio’s essays. They are so evocative and rich, and
you can really feel the depth of their love for each other. With such beautiful
writing, remarks like these almost write themselves.

Listen to Heather:

“I want to marry Octavio
because I can’t imagine the rest of my life without him. After eight years, I
feel like I know him as well as I know myself... He’s extremely caring,
patient, honest, hard-working, and romantic.

He’s helped me be more
patient, understanding, strong, and open to new experiences and cultures. We’ve
both been ready to get married for at least a few years now.”

And listen to Octavio:

“I feel lucky and blessed to
have her in my life, and have the opportunity to call her my wife and start a
family together is a dream come true.

She’s honest, funny, and
beautiful, but most important, she has a big heart, not just for me or her
family, but her friends, co-workers, and any person who she thinks needs help.

Para dios, nos casamos la primera vez que estuvimos
juntos. In the eyes of God, we have been married from the first time we met. To
love her is easy, marrying her is going to be one of the happiest days of my
life.”

Wow. See what I mean. Their
writing is almost like poetry!

What Heather and Octavio say
about each other, coupled with that phrase Octavio used, “To love her is easy,”
reminded me of one of the most unique songs of my childhood, “Lovin’ You”. You
owe it to yourself to go back and watch it on YouTube. When I did, I said to
myself, this is exactly what Heather and Octavio’s love story is all about!

The song was written by
another interfaith and intercultural couple, Minnie Riperton and Richard
Rudolph, and produced by Rudolph and a young man named Stevie Wonder.

To millennials, like Heather
and Octavio, Minnie and Richard’s claim to fame would be that they are the
parents of the great comedienne, Maya Rudolph. In fact, baby Maya’s name is in
the unedited version, because mom was trying to calm her.

“Lovin’ you is easy cause
you're beautiful... Lovin’ you is more than just a dream come true. And
everything I do, is out of loving you...

No one else can make me feel
the colors that you bring. Stay with me while we grow old, and we will live
each day in spring time.

Cause lovin’ you has made my
life so beautiful. And every day of my life, is filled with lovin’ you...”

Heather and Octavio, may
every day of your lives be, indeed, be a dream come true, filled with
mutual love.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Saturday afternoon, Rev. Grady Roe and I co-officiated Shelby and Alex’s wedding ceremony at Ma Maison in Dripping Springs, Texas.
Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

When I was thinking about how Shelby and Alex have lived their
lives, as individuals and as a couple, I was reminded of the well-known saying
of Robert F. Kennedy, “There are those that look at things the way they are,
and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” I don’t know if RFK, who was a great friend of the Jews,
knew this, but he was channeling a very Jewish sentiment. After all, the answer
to the question, “Why do Jews always answer a question with a question,” is
just that, “Why not?” Seriously, though, there is something quintessentially
American about the willingness to push the envelope. It might be the most
pronounced marker in our cultural DNA. We see this in Alex, who out of the three choices available
to Jewish children, doctor, lawyer or accountant, entered college to pursue
that money-making juggernaut, film... But we also see it, perhaps because his
parents were wise enough to let him learn and develop his own ideas, in how he
adjusted course and chose marketing, allowing him to continue pursuing his
passion for creativity in a very practical fashion.We see this in Shelby, who coming from a family of lawyers,
naturally vowed she would never be one... She opened up to this idea, when she
discovered she had a knack for the law. Still she kept her options open by
studying business too, and working in the business world for a little while,
which solidified her passion for the world of law.Where we really see it, though, is in Shelby and Alex’s love story. Because Alex
had a “Why not?” attitude when he moved out to California to pursue what looked like a
great professional opportunity. Unfortunately, that didn’t pan out. (Spoiler
alert: Something else did…) Now, knowing he was about to return to New England, dating a Pepperdine student was a little
risky, all things being equal. As Alex says, “Before Shelby and I met, I was
apprehensive to even go on a date, because I knew I would be moving back to the
northeast so soon. It took some convincing… We went on a date, and then another
date, and another… We had such great chemistry right off the bat. We couldn’t
stop spending all of our free time together… We both knew that what we had was
something different, something special.” Shelby poignantly talks about
her feelings when Alex left California,
“When Alex moved 6 weeks later I was crushed, because I had developed strong
feelings for him and I thought I might never see him again… After he moved, we
talked to each other all-day every day… I went to visit him in Boston for New Year’s Eve and I think that’s
really when we both realized how special this was… After I graduated, I moved
to Boston to be
with him. This was a risky move… However, I had a gut instinct that this was
the person that I was going to marry…” If you are listening to this, you know
the rest of the story.There is a great lesson here for all of us, in life and
love. Objectively, at many different times in our lives, there is a strong
argument to just go with the flow. No one could have argued with Shelby and Alex had they,
as individuals and as a couple, chosen not to heed that advice when it seemed
that the odds were stacked against them. Happily, they did, deciding to just
give their relationship a chance and see where it went. In each and every one
of the pivotal moments in their relationship, they said to themselves and to
the world, “Why not?”

What struck me about Stacey and
Dean, is that if you didn’t know otherwise, you wouldn’t believe they had only
been together for three years. In that sense, they are reminiscent of
their respective cultures. To us, in the 21st Century, it might seem like the
interactions between the Greek and Jewish cultures are fairly new. However,
when you look a little closer, you discover that our relationship goes back a
very long time, and our cultures mutually influenced each other, across
history. Our cultural relationship
began through a brief introduction, just like Stacey and Dean’s did, with the
Persians likely serving as the Karen of Stacey and Dean’s story. We each liked
what we saw. There were clear similarities in our Mediterranean ways of life. With Alexander’s conquest
and the advent of the Hellenistic Culture across the empires founded by his
generals, came one of the most significant events in Jewish and Greek history,
the translation of the Hebrew Bible into Greek. And, so while Jews throughout
the world were exposed to Greek ideas, the Hellenistic world was exposed to the
ideas of Judea. None of this would have been
possible without mutual respect, patience and understanding. The same was true
in Stacey and Dean’s story: Just like Judea and Greece, Stacey and Dean came
together from different backgrounds and each had busy lives, but together they
found common ground.The relationship between Greece and Judea
continued to grow. From acquaintances, we moved on to become friends.
Eventually, we became so close, our lives became so intertwined, that you
couldn’t even picture us apart. And guess what? That is exactly what
happened to Stacey and Dean!Now, like Stacey and Dean, Greece
and Judea were different. We came from
different places, had slightly different accents, sometimes spoke very
different languages. However, like Stacey and Dean, we were confident in our
relationship. We knew we were inseparable. Eventually, a strong
succession of rabbis came along and affirmed something fascinating: If you are
just Greek, without that relationship to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, you’re not
the best Greek you can be. And if you are just Jewish, without that
relationship to Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, you’re not the best Jew you can
be. If you know Stacey and Dean,
you see that same sentiment not only in their verbal interactions with each
other; you see it in their body language. Stacey is essentially saying, I am
not the best Stacey I can be without Dean. And Dean is essentially saying, I am
not the best Dean I can be without Stacey. That is probably why Stacey
told me a few weeks ago, and I quote, “Now marry us. The girls and I can’t
wait for Dean to be my husband and (their) step dad.” And if have learned anything
in the last decade, it’s this: Don’t argue with the bride, Jewish, Greek or
otherwise, so let’s get to it!

Monday, October 30, 2017

Saturday evening, Reverend
Kip Gilts and I co-officiated Jenn and Ian’s wedding ceremony at Moffitt Oaks,
in Tomball, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with
them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry
to write an autobiographical essay. I think Jenn is the first person who
included the title of her thesis. Don’t get me wrong; it does sound like a
page-turner: the Influence of Fluid Properties on Geometric Complexity and
Breakdown Pressure of Hydraulic Fracture. I don't know about you, but I can't
wait to read it...Seriously, though, this
title might surprise you, once you discover that she started off as an English
major. She says she was in it for the money. (Not really.) Interestingly, the
way she started dating Ian reminded me of Pride and Prejudice, just the other
way around. I, unlike Jenn, never
studied English that seriously, so my understanding of that book is largely
based on the acclaimed BBC miniseries. One of the themes that comes up again
and again is the complex set of rules surrounding asking people out. And, of
course, we heartily laugh at the wacky situations that result from those arcane
ways. Except, we do the same today
too! Listen to Jenn: "I met Ian when he was working at the corporate
fitness center at Noble. The group I was in at the time worked until 6 or
6:30pm, and afterwards some of us would go to the gym to blow off steam from the
long workday. Ian and I would have casual conversations when he’d be at the
front desk, and we always made each other laugh. Eventually I started taking
longer in the locker room after the workouts so that we could talk more as he
was closing up the gym and we’d walk together to our cars. I could tell that he
was enjoying this, because he would nervously talk nonstop, and he also does a
high-pitched laugh when he’s happy/nervous. I figured that he probably wasn’t
allowed to make a move because of his job, so after a few weeks of this I gave
him my phone number..." Another theme in Pride and
Prejudice is the utter and non-ironic seriousness with which the characters
take themselves, and with which they feel a need to present themselves. We, as
the audience, get to laugh at this, because we never do that, right? Well, this
is not a humorous statement when it comes to Jenn and Ian! Listen to Ian, "​I
desire to marry Jenn because I truly believe she is my perfect match and soul
mate. We complement each other in almost every way. Things I am not great at
she is great at and vice-versa. We have different personalities in a lot of
ways but we both view that as a good thing. Dating ourselves would never work.
I love her quirks and oddities, the things she is passionate about and the
things she does not like. She makes me laugh constantly and also laughs at my
jokes (or just at me in some cases). She keeps me on my toes."Now, there is one other
important theme in Pride and Prejudice, as well as in modern adaptations of it,
like Bollywood's Bride and Prejudice or Hollywood's
Bridget Jones' Diary. Most of the characters' neurotic behavior has to do with
the fact that they live entirely in the future, and not in any positive way.
They spend most of their time worrying about what will be, and assuming the
worst. This is an area where these fictional characters could really learn from
this very real couple. Listen to Jenn, as she looks
back on the entirety of their love story. This really needs no further commentary
from me: "Ian took me on fun and thoughtful dates, and pretty soon into
seeing each other I could tell he was something special. He has this fun-loving
and easy-going nature that I admire so much, and he’s so passionate about
everything he does. It’s rare to see someone who is equally laid back and
passionate about life. He’s taught me that it’s okay to relax and not rush
things, because you miss out on the entire experience in the process. Being
with Ian has helped me enjoy and appreciate more of the individual moments,
rather than just focus on the end game. I’ve never been a big risk taker
because I’ve always been afraid of not knowing how things would turn out. But
when I’m with Ian I’m not afraid of the unknown – I’m excited."

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Sunday evening, I officiated
Evonne and Roberto’s wedding ceremony at Ma Maison, in Dripping Springs, Texas.
Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

At a recent wedding I
officiated, the groom walked out to a string version of one of the best songs
about romantic relationships, in my opinion, Lucky, by Jason Mraz. When I sat
down to write these remarks about Evonne and Roberto, I couldn’t help thinking
about this song, not just because of the name, but particularly because of one
specific line. I think it speaks to the deep love these two share. Jason sings
a duet with Colbie Caillat, and it’s kind of a dialogue between two lovers:

Do you hear me, I'm talking
to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy, I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love
with my best friend…

Why did this remind me of
Evonne and Roberto? Well, the last line I just quoted tells us that the
characters in the song didn’t just have a fling, or some type of superficial
love at first sight nonsense. No, this is a deep relationship, where the lovers
have a deep connection based on a foundation of friendship. That, my friends,
is Evonne and Roberto’s story. Luck may have brought them together, but they
took it from there.

Evonne says, “Roberto and I
met through a summer internship program… I can still remember the very first
day we met and it wasn’t long until I knew that him and I were something very
special – two old souls…” Roberto says, “I could tell there was depth there. We
started dating shortly after when I asked her out to dinner, [and] we…
designated Wednesday nights as our date nights away from the group. Through
these dates we built a bond of friendship…” And what did this bring about?
Evonne tells us, “I remember the very last day of the program when Roberto’s
flight was hours before mine. He calls my cell phone to say hello and not long
into the call we became emotional. I believe in this moment I knew – he
was for me as I was for him.”

Wow, is that cool or what?

There is one hazard, not
often thought of, connected with this type of thinking, and that is that you
might take yourself too seriously. Not Evonne and Roberto, though. Roberto says
that they “always keep… life together interesting,” and he adds, “If there’s
one thing I know [it] is that we strive to always remember to enjoy life.” And
Evonne tells us, “There is nothing that compares to the joy this man brings
into my life. He makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, and this
to me is his greatest quality.”

Evonne and Roberto, what we
wish you is that continue to follow this path of deep love and friendship,
continue to recognize how lucky you are, and continue to laugh together as
often as possible. Do that, and you will have this “marriage thing” made…

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Saturday afternoon, Father
Steve Cook and I co-officiated Allie and Alex’s wedding ceremony at The Guild,
in Kansas City, Missouri. Here are the remarks I shared with
them and their guests:

The beginning of Allie and Alex's
relationship was, how can I put this, interesting. Here's Alex describing their
first interaction: "On her first day, I was driving to lunch and almost
ran into her as she was walking around the corner in our campaign parking lot.
I like to say that I was so enamored by her I got distracted, but I’m also a
klutz."

And, here's Allie describing
their first date: "Alex spilled pizza sauce on his shirt... I knocked into
the table as I slid out to go to the bathroom. I should have realized then and
there that I would always be able to be myself around him and vice versa.

Seriously, though, there is
something deeper here that Allie and Alex's relationship is emblematic of. You
see, Allie had studied well, and was working not one, but two internships. She
knew what she wanted to do, and where she wanted to work. Alas, there were no
openings there, so she went to work on theMcCaskillcampaign, just for the meantime.

And Alex? He knew what he
wanted to do too. He needed a change of pace in his work, and he saw that in working
on the McCaskill campaign. And, he very specifically was putting his dating
life on hold.

Care to guess what happened
next? Alex's plans to put his dating life on hold got pizza sauce all over
them. Allie's plans to quickly return to the place she had planned to work,
knocked hard into a restaurant table. Alex says it succinctly, but than again
you would expect that from a marketing guru, "As these things so often
happen, the moment I stopped looking for a partner I found one."

So, why did Allie and Alex
upend their lives, and change their plans? They followed the maxim, "Seize the day!" This does not mean don't plan. Plans are
a great thing to have. The best type of planning, though is looser and ongoing.
It's planning that still allows you to, "Suck the marrow out of life!" Come to think of it, this
is the flexible type of planning that makes for a successful political
campaign. Just ask any successful politician.

Wonderful things can happen,
when you live your life this way. You can find someone like Alex, who Allie
describes as, "the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met. He is
incredibly smart and hardworking... He allows everyone, not just me, to be
their true, genuine selves. He makes people feel at ease and comfortable...
What an amazing partner to find and to have."

And you can find someone
like Allie, who Alex says, has made him a better person: "Being with Allie
has opened my eyes to the importance of slowing down and spending time with the
people you love... I’m much more emotionally available than I was five years
ago and that is entirely because of her. Allie and I make a great team..."

With that in mind, Father
Steve, I think the phrase used in the Royals' dug out would be, "Batter
up!"

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Saturday evening, I
officiated Sharon and Tim’s wedding ceremony at
the Trophy Club Country Club, in Trophy Club, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with
them and their guests:

One of the most iconic movie
villains in the history of American Cinema is the villain in Die Hard, a man
named Hans, who arguably had the best last name a movie villain could have.
That's right, Gruber. Hans is up against the hero of the film, played by Bruce
Willis, a New York City
cop.One of the reasons that this
movie was so popular and remains iconic today, even though it has not aged
well, and is barely watchable, is that it is SO American, and not in a good
sense. It portrays a battle between good and evil, as one between two
quintessentially flat male characters, full of bluster and bravado. Good is
absolute, evil is absolute. All other characters are mere props.And, so, naturally, even
though the whole plot rests on the fact that the hero and his wife are
estranged, largely due to the hero's behavior, all he has to do is vanquish her
captors, and she, the prize, falls into his arms.It is almost poetic that
later in life the same man, who played my erstwhile and flat cinematic relative
in that forgettable film, played one of the most complex figures in modern
popular literature, Severus Snape. And the world Severus Snape inhabits is as
rich, as Die Hard's world is flat. Perhaps that is why Alan Rickman said,
"When I am 80 years old, and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading
Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, 'After all this time?’ And, I will
say, ‘Always.’"Now, if you know Sharon, you know that she
could have uttered those very same words. That is why Tim proposed to her at,
that's right, NakatomiPlaza... No, not really.
He proposed to her at Harry Potter World.I, like, Sharon, and so many
others across languages, cultures and borders, love this world, because of its
complexity, its depth, and its characters' struggles. This makes so much of
what happens in that world much more realistic than the world of Die Hard, and
certainly more applicable to our lives.Harry, and his friends, are
introduced to us and to each other through a world of magic. You might not know
this, but Sharon and Tim were introduced to each other through magic too. After
all, as Arthur C Clarke once said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic." You have to admit that the complex array
of electrons and algorithms that brings people like Sharon and Tim together in
our world is hardly distinguishable from the Sorting Hat, that brings people
together, in a slightly different way, in Harry's world.What makes that world so
easy to identify with, though, is the realism of the internal lives and
interpersonal relationships of the characters. Few can see themselves in John
McClain from Die Hard, but magic aside, we can see ourselves in Harry, Ron,
Hermione or Ginny. And the friendships and romantic relationships in that world
are very very real, with all of the messiness and beauty that comes with
them.And so, we know that
Hermione and Ron could truly identify with how Sharon describes her relationship with Tim,
"He is my best friend and there is no one that I'd rather share all of
life's experiences with." And, as we see theclosing scenein that magnificent
series, in just the body language, we know that Harry and Ginny could identify
with how Tim describes his relationship with Sharon, "We are a team, which is one of
the things I love most about her. Together we are unstoppable!"Unlike the characters in
that closing scene, we don't get to see where life will take us. And, even in
that scene, the lesson is that the future is not predetermined. However,
interact even a little with Sharon and Tim, and I believe you can see them in
that scene, years ahead from now. You know that Tim can see that, when he says,
"Sharon is
the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life and grow old with
her." And you know that Sharon
can see that too, when she says, "Ultimately, Tim is everything I could
want in a life partner, and my life is better with him in it."