Friday, 29 July 2011

I have my laptop back and fixed! YAY! Unfortunately I have to report a pound gain this week.Could've been worse though,that gym damage limitation did salvage a bit.And usually if I fell off the wagon on Sunday I would eat my body weight in Ben and Jerry's till WI Fri.Just trying to focus on the small victories and deflect the feelings of failure ;PAs for other news,the visa ball is well and truly rolling and we will hopefully be lodging it at the beginning of September.Such a mountain of paperwork and evidencing considering we are 2 professionals,no kids,with savings and one of whom is an Aussie :SAnd Mum is STILL going on about the wedding dress.....

I just feel so sorry for her family who had to watch on as she destroyed herself.She had so many chances and the resources in life to get help and get clean.

OK,you may say I'm addicted to food and have tried many attempts to curb my addiction.True.I am also far from an angel and am a (well in my younger days) 'try anything once,twice,thrice' kinda gal.luckily those days are behind me and I am now sensible and dare I say it,grown up!!!!

Fortunately/unfortunately I've seen addiction take hold of one of my closest friends.I've dealt with the violence,the lies....oh my God the lies that go with addiction!The emotional blackmail,guilt trips,the Jekyll and Hyde personality,the constant phone calls from worried parents,from bosses as they once again didn't wake up from last nights bender and were late again,the constant worry that the next phone call was going to be bad news,not being able to trust any of the words that would come out of their mouth.Spending what was meant to be a fun night out with friends babysitting your friend and hoping to hell they dont tet into serious trouble.Watching on as they would rather spend their last pennies on their poison than on food if they even ate at all.

The helplessness as you watch a dear friend lose themselves further and further into the depths of addiction and knowing that you can't do anything because YOU CAN NOT HELP SOMEONE WHO WON'T HELP THEMSELVES.

I eventually cut my losses and cut my friend out of my life after one too many lies,and one too many chances to be let down again.I feel guilty about it to this day but you can't help someone who will not help themselves and believe me we tried and tried and tried.

I hope that Amy finds the peace she lacked in life.I hope that my friend,wherever he may be has found his peace too.