Unconfirmed sources report that the Gallup polling organization will release its latest nation wide poll of pets. The poll shows that among DLVs (Dogs Likely to Vote) John Kerry leads George W. Bush 60% to 24%, with 16% undecided. This poll is sure to be controversial because Gallop has refused to release its methodology. The Bush campaign is already calling the poll ‘nonsense’ and ‘a load of bull pucky.’

“These numbers just don’t make any sense.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “A 34 point lead in DLVs? Forget it, our polling indicates that The President holds a healthy lead in all pet voting groups. We figure we are ahead with the dogs by 5% and are leading with cats and parrots by large margins. I just don’t think the Gallop organization knows squat about the voting patterns of pets.”

“Wow. This is really a crazy result.” Said Ruy Teixeira, polling expert of the Emerging Democratic Majority web site. “I mean it is good news for us, but I think Gallup maybe missing something. They have had lots of trouble in the past with their election polling. I think that they really need to get under the hood of their polling methodology. Polling pets is a tricky business, but a Kerry lead of 34% in DLVs, that is a little hard to believe.”

“We stand behind our numbers.” Said Kip Leavenworth from Gallop’s Pet Polling division. “We have worked long and hard on our polling methodology and the proof will be in the pudding. When this thing is all over and we have nailed the dog vote cold you guys will be begging us for pet polling numbers.”

Our researchers made an independent study to try and confirm the results published by the Gallup organization. Our methodology must be bad for our results found that 55% of DLVs were hungry, 30% wanted to go for a walk and 15% wanted to drink water out of the toilet.

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.