TO date, I've received five Christmas cards. The first arrived on November 28.

By the middle of last month, I'd bought a few presents, eager to avoid the last-minute rush-around I usually conduct.

Last weekend, in an attempt to get everything sorted over the internet, I found almost all the toys I had earmarked were "currently unavailable" or plain sold out.

I got so mad I nearly uttered the "F" word... but after hours of fruitless browsing I didn't think I could bring myself to say F...F...F... festive ever again.

But hark! (the Herald Angels Sing) I'm not alone, because headmistress Sue Lines has banned children from uttering the "C" word at her school in Ipswich. Yes, cute and cuddly though it may be, Sue has gone curmudgeonly over C... C... go on, say it, girl... Christmas.

Now that it's getting earlier every year, she has banned any mention of "you know what" until December 7.

That means "it" is out of mind until - with just over two weeks to go until the magic day - "it" is allowed to rear its ugly head.

Sue says she's doing it so that her pupils don't become over-excited and to emphasise "the true meaning of Christmas".

What's that, then? For the stores, who dictate that Christmas starts in August, it means £1.7billion rung up in the run-up. For teachers, it means having to cram Christmas play and carol rehearsals into an already packed timetable.

For mums, it means organising invites, not offending anyone, sorting the presents, the cards, the tree, the decorations, the food, the wrapping, the cards... Aaaaahhhhhh! I feel stressed out again.

For children, it means Santa and presents. Unless they're eight or over, in which case it just means presents.

Oh, I nearly forgot dads. For them, it means, um, a couple of days off work, doesn't it? And that's the true meaning of Christmas in the 21st century.

Sue Lines is a heroine for restricting it to just over two weeks, in an attempt to wrench back the true spirit.

I'd go even further - do it once every four years. Only the retailers wouldn't allow that, would they?