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The Academy Awards Opening Polylogue

tl;dr: The Academy can't find a single host for this year's Oscars. This show has FOURTEEN. This is the real show!!! And also it's first!!!

So many comedians dream of hosting the Academy Awards. And yet, only one, sometimes two (2010), and occasionally ZERO comedians (2011) are given this opportunity every year. That's about to change: at this show, we're giving as many comedians as possible 5 minutes to perform whatever their opening monologue would be.