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O/T - Please cheer me up!

bit of a pointless post really but am just feeling a bit down because although I knew DH would always have been happy with one lo but I also thought that since DS has come along he takes so much pleasure he would want another. DS is on 5 months old and I didnt one another straight away anyway, I wanted there to be a 2 - 3 year gap but everytime I raised it he said cant you just enjoy ds for the time being. I wasnt not enjoying I was just talking.

Anyway it got brought up again last night but instead of his usual reply he told me he had concerns because he is a lot older and that he is finding DS tiring and not sure he could do it all again. I am abs gutted. I really want another child and not just so ds has a sibling but because I want it also. Clearly if dh does not feel the same I wouldnt not be having another but part of me feels a touch misled and another part of me very sad, There is nothing I can do to put his concerns at rest. Yes a second child would be tiring and yes we both would be older but when you put it intoo perspective not that much olde r than we are now ( I am 28 he is 40).

I did get fairly upset and had a bit of a cry. I cant help how i feel but really dont want to exert pressure, be selfish or talk him into for the wrong reasons. I only want another if he wants it asmuch as me. Am I being selfish by being upset about this. What do I do? any advice appreciated xx

You have every right to feel upset. I wish I had an answer for you. :\( I'm in a similar situation. My lo is only 9 weeks old, but I always saw myself with 2 children. My OH feels with one child, we can offer him more. We won't be as stretched financially and we won't have to go through the newborn weeks again, which were pretty tough with lo's colic. He has a sister, who he isn't that close too. He spent most of his time with his male cousins. I on the other hand am an only child, and always wanted siblings. I would like that for my son, to have someone to grow up with, and be close to when he's older. I'm 35 this year, and if I wait too long I might not be able to have a 2nd child. OH will not budge in the slightest. He did for a short time humour me by saying he might change his mind. But I don't see that happening. I've got upset on numerous occasions. So you're not alone. You're DH has time to change his mind. Unfortunately it's a win for one and a lose for the other situation. xx

Thanks for your replys. I may try and talk to him again but am trying to do so without adding pressure and/ or getting upset. I dont think 43 is too old but i think it comes from both of us being the youngest and having older parents. I always felt like an only child as there was a 10 year age gap between me and my siblings and i did miss growing up with a sibling of a similar age. So i do want another for my ds to play with but most of all having DS is one of the few things in life that have not been an anti climax, even the tiring bits of pregnancy and the pain of brth. The feelings you get on birth are so wonderful and i would love to experiance that again.

mithical - I hope there is some way your OH will come around for you. The newborn weeks are so hard hopefully when things start getting better in terms of sleeping through and your lo starts developing and showing theri personality more your OH will start to change his mind. Benefit of 2 is there is always someone for them to play with ( so daddy wont be constantly nagged when he gets in from work!!lol)