Jamie Oliver’s not judgmental… but we are

I don’t know about you, but it’s getting harder and harder to talk about multi-millionaires these days.

I mean, I’m not judgmental, but I’ve spent a lot of time in rich communities, and I find it quite hard to talk about modern-day wealth.

You might remember that scene from Jamie Oliver’s Fucking Expensive Dinners where there’s this millionaire eating Italian peasant food, and behind him is a massive fucking Range Rover. It just didn’t weigh up.

I mean, the fascinating thing for me is that seven times out of 10, the richest families in this country choose to pay through the fucking nose for food that, elsewhere in the world, people pay next to nothing for. They ponce along to their local Lidl, nodding at each other as they search for the lobster, when they could be shopping at Fortnum and Mason’s or Harrod’s.

Some of them even put their ugly faces on the packets of ready meals.

I meet rich people who say “You don’t understand what it’s like” – I just want to hug them and teleport them to the Qatari Prince who knows how to eat proper rich food. He has 50 cans of beluga caviar, 10 cases of Dom Perignon, and a wagyu steak, and he knocks out the most amazing 15-course dinner. We’ve missed out on that in Britain, somehow.

It’s as if our rich have forgotten how to be rich. They flounce around with their scruffy hair and their hooded tops and jeans, pretending to be like the rest of us. Some of them even try to put on accents and use words like “spazzing” and “wazz” and “innit”, and then drive around the countryside in an old banger, “wazzing up” meals that apparently take 15 minutes but require an entire day to cook.

They don’t even know how to eat. It’s all “ooh I’ve got some houmous” or “oooh look at me, I use my stale bread in an Italian stew” when real rich people are throwing this stuff down the chute so their staff can eat it. Some of the most inspirational food in the world comes from areas where people are literally shitting money.

Not from poors with their massive fucking tellies and their stale bread.