One thing I’ve learned with having children is that it’s easy to give a certain child more attention than another one. You don’t mean to do it. You may give one of your kids more attention because he gets good grades, and it’s easy to praise him. You may give attention to a different child whose behavior is ALWAYS on the edge. It’s negative attention but it’s still attention. And it draws away your time and energy from the overlooked child.

We have the situation of one of my kid’s has a medical issue so we spend a lot of time going to a variety of doctor appointments. And there is only a certain amount of hours in the day. Or you may have a child who is highly involved in sports and his team events are all over the state. It draws your attention away from the other children.

Then to add to this predicament, there’s the issue of you just getting along better with one of your kids than the other. It’s easy to spend time with Child A for different reasons but you’re not spending as much time with the Child B.

So Mamas, out there, I don’t have an answer other than take a serious look at time spent with each of your kids. I’m constantly having to review time and energy spent with each child. And it’s work to be as fair as I possibly can. Think about it today and see if you need to make any needed adjustments in your actions and in your head.

Can you share with me any thoughts that can help other parents balance their time with each of the kids?

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10 responses to “Equal Time For Each Kid?”

Love the artwork. I see myself, split in two (only more like three) with my three kids running around me. It could be my pin if I were in the Hunger Games. It’s so hard to give equal time, damn near impossible. I have a child with severe food allergies and that requires a lot more of my time. But I do try to alternate bedtime rituals to get quality time with each child. Even my 11 year old likes me to come sit in her bed at night and talk about her day. My nine and six yr olds like me to read or even watch a show with them. Of course my hubby travels and then it goes to pot, but it’s a simple way to try.

Kids are really aware of this. My adult children told me they felt I had done of good job of not showing preference for any one of them. Now that they are grown up, one of them has more problems in life, and it is tough to keep remembering that it is not my fault and there is nothing really I can do about it.

The guilt thing…Oh…I’m trying to look at what my kid’s do in high school is their responsibility and not mine. It’s a struggle for me. Great reminder that I better work harder at that now. Parenting is not for wimps!

It is hard to balance the attention that you give to your kids especially with all the other things that demand time in your day. I have two boys and the youngest is develop mentally delayed, at least that’s what they tell me. In the past he was given much more attention because he truly had a lot of problems that were easy to see, my others son’s problems were more emotional. Now that they are teenager’s and have such different personalities I find that my oldest boy spend more time watching tv together, which is an effort for me because I do not like television. My youngest son just likes for me to sit where he is and talk about what he is doing, whether drawing or reading.

I find that it really doesn’t take much time, an hour a day does wonders for our ability to get along with one another. When I put in some time with them their attitudes seem to improve. They are older now and spend time with friends, but when we are indoors for the night, we spend time together. Sometimes we play board games, cards or watch a movie.

A good reminder, Jan. It’s honest of you (and others) to accept that we don’t always get along or even like each child equally. One may push buttons that the other never does. I try really hard to spend time and praise equally but I know when one is pushing my buttons or getting on my nerves that I tend to veer away from him/her and focus on the other for a while (or, heck, just focus on myself or my work for a while!).

Beautiful sculpture! I appreciate you bringing up this topic. As an only child myself, this is a focus for me as a mama. I really want to share myself equally with both of my sons, and I know that as time goes by there will be ebbs an flows of being able to do this. I think it’s near to impossible to be equal all the time, but at least having it in my mind will help. And, Lisa, thanks for the reminder to focus on myself! Easy to forget ourselves and our partners in this mix :).

How about the fact that too much attention is not a good thing either? I often feel that my kids benefit from the fact that there are three of them and we parents have to split our attention. That gives them room to grow and do their own thing. I still try, however, to find time each day to connect with each one of them. One might require more time than another, and I think that’s OK if it balances out over the long run.