What once ensured that I sat at a table next to the teacher is now posted, Monday through Friday.

I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dear Occupant...

I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems that all I get in the mail is bills, requests for donations, advertisements, perhaps the odd thank-you card.

Dear Aunt Pearl,Thank you so much for the $50 for graduation. I'm saving to fill my tank.Love,Grateful Nephew

When I was young, I had a number of pen pals. Remember the pen pal? A stranger you would write to for no good reason, with little hope of ever actually meeting, just for fun?

Of course, we’re all too busy for that now. I mean, who writes to random strangers in the hopes of making connections? That would just be silly…

Ahem.

There seems to be a dearth of letters nowadays, though; and let me tell you, I won’t stand for it!

And so, my sister will be the recipient of a card, probably receiving it tomorrow.

It started in 1992. We worked in the same office, a dreadful little place run by two brothers, one of whom was drunk on his own power and the other who was perpetually flatulent. It was a smelly, unpleasant place.

One day I went to my mail slot, and there it was: A fifty-cents-off coupon for Beano.

For those of you who don’t know what “Beano” is, it’s a pill (or something) that you can take prior to eating gas-producing foods, so that you didn’t end up like the gas-producing co-owner.

The coupon for Beano went between us for several years: in the mail slot, stuffed into coat pockets, slid under the car’s windshield wipers, attached to a pillow.

I wonder whatever happened to that coupon?

My sister and I don’t work together anymore, nor do we live together, as we did in those years, but it’s time she saved some money, don’t you think?

I’ve sent her a coupon in the mail with this little quasi-limerick attached to it:

There once was a girl named KarenWho, when laughing, wet the pants she was wearin’.But a pair of DependPut that all to an endAnd you can hardly tell she’s wearing them, they’re so smooth and comfy.

Enjoyed your latest Pearl. As I said before some publishing house should snap you up. Also enjoyed the retort from Suranga of Ugich Konitari ...Thanks for linking to my blog 70 Plus and Still Kicking. Do you know about my creative writing site? www.journeysincreativewriting.blogspot.com I have now linked to you from both blogs, so will see you lots more!