Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

(I work tech support in a call centre, which can involve long and draining days. I take a break and head down to the mall adjacent to us and am browsing some items in an electronic store. Many of the items are the same ones I provide technical support for. I approach an employee to ask a question about a sale they have on their wireless routers.)

Me: “Hi, I wanted to ask about these wireless routers.”

Employee:*suddenly looking scared* “…Yes?”

Me: “I notice the sale is for the tri-band routers, but does it also apply to the quad-band?”

Employee:*looking surprised* “Oh. Sorry, it’s just I’ve been asked very different kinds of questions today.”

Me: “Let me guess. They’re surprised you have to plug them in because they should be ‘wireless?'”

Employee: “Yes! How did you know?”

Me: “I work tech support across the street. I had a call today asking why the ‘box of Internet’ had to talk to the clouds, and ‘why was the Internet all the way up there in the first place?'”

(My aunt is teaching me how to do dispatch at the gas station she owns, for whenever they’re busy. I’m too young to sell any cigarettes to a customer and someone else has to do it. If she’s busy or needs to help a mechanic she lets me run the front as long as I don’t sell any cigarettes, so I need to call for help on that a lot. A woman and her young girl walk in the store. The woman is on her phone playing a popular game.)

Me: “All right, I’ll—” *I get a phone call from my aunt saying she won’t be back for a while and that I should call a coworker to help me with any cigarette sales* “—Okay, I’ll call her right away. Thank you.” *click*

Woman:*has put her phone away* “I find it very rude that you would talk on your cellphone while dealing with a customer! You young people must have those d*** things glued to your hands or something. You won’t even take the time to do your job!”

Little Girl: “Mommy, I got a [Candy Bar].”

Woman: “Yeah, okay.”

Me: “I’ll… just ring those up for you. That’ll be [total]. Have a nice day.”

(I work in returns and customer service for a large electronics retailer in Denmark. A customer enters with a desktop PC, and I can tell, before he even opens his mouth, that he is going to be trouble:)

Customer: “I bought this gaming PC and it’s supposed to be the shit and hardcore and everything, but I installed a game and it’s lagging and I want a new computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a problem; but let me just see if I can’t figure out what the problem is.”

(I take the PC out back and hook it up. Once it booted, I noticed a single game icon on the desktop. I started the game and sure enough, it was sluggish and unstable. Going on a hunch, I looked at which programs are running and found exactly what I was looking for. I pack up the computer and go back to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m unable to help you with your problem, as the game is a pirated version.”

Customer: “What? This is total bull-s***. I bought this game yesterday from this store and it runs like s***.”

Me: “First of all, this game is three years old and not currently available in our store. And secondly, I can see from your µTorrent download list, that you are currently seeding the game, which is illegal. I cannot help you any further.”

(The customer hits the roof and starts ranting:)

Customer: “What? You won’t help me? What am I supposed to do with this piece of s*** computer now? It doesn’t work! Fix it.”

Me: “As I explained, I cannot help you with issues pertaining to pirated software. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to figure this out on your own.”

Customer: “I’ll just go buy an extended warranty and then smash the computer in the parking lot. You’ll have to give me a new one.”

(I try explaining to him that such abuse won’t be covered by the warranty, but he won’t listen. So while he walks inside the store carrying his PC, I calmly add a note to his receipt:)

Note: “This customer expressed intent to purchase an extended warranty for his PC and then deliberately smash the item, in order to get a refund.”

(10 minutes later I see the customer kicking his PC across the parking lot. I immediately look up recent receipts in the system and find a note on his extended warranty:)

Note: “This customer has been advised that smashing his PC intentionally will void the extended warranty, but he was adamant. We sold him the warranty, but can’t wait to refuse his claim.

(I used to work for an Internet broadband company, and in addition to technical questions, I would also have to be able to resolve billing issues. The customer who calls this time, however, has an interesting take on things:)

Me: “Let’s take a look at your account. Just give me one moment to call—”

Caller: MY INTERNET’S BUSTED!

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; it will take just one moment. Ah, here we go. It seems that this account has not been paid on for three months, so we have suspended yo—”

Caller: “WHY’S MY INTERNET SHUT OFF?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, but due to non-payment, we’ve suspended your account. However, if you would like to make a credit card payment over the phone, I can go ahead an—”

Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD! WHY IS MY INTERNET NOT WORKING?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t turn you back on until a portion of the balance is paid off. if you are able to make a partial payment o—”

(I’m one of the managers at a video game store where we also buy other electronics, including TVs. We typically don’t pay a lot for LCD TVs because people bring them in all the time, and we have TONS in overstock due to this. I had just gotten a customer’s total figured out for their LCD TV…)

Me: “All right, you’re looking at [total] for your TV.”

Customer: “WHAT? I paid $150 for this TV. Why am I only gettin’ that much?”

Me: “Honestly, bud, people bring in LCD and LED TVs here so often that we have a lot of TVs that have just been collecting dust in our warehouse for months. Because of that, we haven’t been able to pay as much for TVs as we used to.”

Customer: “Well, my buddy’s got a plasma at home that he’s thinking about sellin’. How much you guys pay for that?”

Me: “Plasmas are a completely different story. We don’t see many of those, and they still have a lot of value on the market, so we’re able to pay way more for those.”

Customer: “Yeah, that makes sense, since you gotta refill ‘em every year.”

Me: “Refill… What?”

Customer: “Yeah, my buddy was sayin’ that he had to have someone come out and refill the plasma in his TV a couple weeks ago. He said you gotta do that like once a year or they go bad.”

(I was so dumbstruck at this point that I couldn’t even begin to explain to him how wrong he was. He seriously believed this is how plasmas worked, too.)