In modern football, only three things matter: Goals, points and haircuts.

Arsenal train equally hard in all three of these areas, and have been one of most successful teams since football began in 1992.

Here, we attempt to place the current squad members in order of best to worst (haircut).

Will your favourite player come out on top? Or will he languish at the foot of the official hair table (disclaimer: Official hair table does not exist)?

Let us begin...

21. Petr Cech

Looks like a hat.

20. Hector Bellerin

Looks like Peter Andre and Dave Grohl's lovechild. Which is actually fine, I suppose.

19. Nacho Monreal

A great haircut....

...

IN 1995.

18. David Ospina

Ospina has the haircut of a dad who only recently gave up on his youth. It's a haircut that audibly screams "I'm married and have kids".

17. Santi Cazorla

(See: David Ospina)

16. Laurent Koscielny

Mate.

15. Per Mertesacker

Mate.

14. Alexis Sanchez

Clearly too busy spending time with his dogs to go to a decent barbers. Which is something you have to respect, really. It's one of those haircuts that just... exists, never changes. He can just go into the barber every two weeks and ask for his usual.

13. Carl Jenkinson

Sometimes scruffy, often inconsistent and out of place... and then there's his hair.

12. Gabriel

He literally has hair on his head. I don't know what more to say. I'm sorry.

11. Theo Walcott

Easily the most consistent aspect of the enigma that is Theo Walcott. Solid mid-table hair position.

10. Francis Coquelin

I think it's a divisive haircut, but I like it, and at the end of the day - I'm writing the article and you aren't.

9. Lucas Perez

Big fan of this. Sure, it's not the most original haircut, but it's smart, it's stylish, it works. It's the kind of haircut that still gets you into the club even though you haven't strictly adhered to the dress code.

8. Aaron Ramsey

Bloody beautiful haircut, he should be a model. (The joke is that he is actually a part-time model).

7. Mesut Ozil

Resplendent in length, texture and colour, the only thing letting Ozil down is the lingering memory of *those* curtains he used to rock.

6. Granit Xhaka

The thing is, even if his hair was bad (which it isn't), you wouldn't say it his face, would you? So he pretty much comes in the top half of the list regardless.

5. Rob Holding

A surprise inclusion in the top five. Enough to earn him a place on the first team, surely.

4. Shkodran Mustafi

Top quality beard and hair combo, and the proof (alongside Holding) that defenders can have good hair. Hear that Koscienly, hear that Mertesacker? Get your priorities sorted.

3. Alex Iwobi

A masterful fade, and clearly the result of some very, very careful shaver-work from his barber.

2. Mohamed Elneny

What's not to love? One of the best haircuts since records began.

1. Olivier Giroud

(Image: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)

I can, and have, written essays about Olivier Giroud's hair, so I beg you, please don't get me started. Have you noticed how it never changes length? It's because he has it cut every day, once in the morning, and once before bed, by the Arsenal groundsman.

The Frenchman is the deserved winner of the Best Arsenal Haircut Award.

He also has a decent range of facial expressions, which makes it kind of a package deal.