What is it about bicycle lanes that turns people into shouty braindead panic robots? Case in point: This news report casts bike lanes as literally a terrorist threat.

Crusading anti-bike lane CBS 2 reporter Marcia Kramer is on the scene at a proposed Manhattan bike lane: "A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli Consulate," she says. "Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!"

We did imagine a pack of Huffy-riding suicide bombers bearing down on soft targets throughout the country, and it was terrifying.

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Which raises the questions: Why do we allow bike lanes at all? Why are we making it easier for environmentally-friendly terrorists to wreck havoc on our cities? If your house is on a street with a bike lane, you may as well have a big bullseye over your roof with the words "bomb me," stenciled in big red letters.

Outlawing bike lanes will eliminate the threat of bicycle-based terrorism, since you'd have to be a suicidal maniac to ride on a street without a bike lane. [CBS 2 via Gothamist]