Bringing Home Baby: Doctors and Parents on Making Big Decisions

By Alice G. Walton

What would new mothers do differently if given the opportunity for a do-over? Reconsidering circumcision and breastfeeding top the list.

That parenthood is stressful is no surprise.
Potty training, hospital visits, struggles in school, driver's
licenses, and first dates are just a few of the adventures that parents
have to shoulder as their kids grow up.

Some of the earliest decisions can be among the most challenging.
The choices that parents have to make leading up to and just after the
birth of their children can have long-term implications. Should you to
opt for a C-section, breastfeed, circumcise? These are some of the
questions that parents face in the days leading up to and just after the
birth of a child. Of course, the state of mind parents are in just
before and after the birth of their child may not be the best for making
these important decisions, some of which can affect a child for years
to come.

The months and weeks prior to parenthood --
especially of a first child -- are filled with uncertainly and
conflicting information. Baby books can be hard to digest for many
reasons, not the least of which is they can offer contradictory theories
and advice about parenting.

We wondered how parents feel when they look back and recall those
early life decisions that they made for their children and themselves.
What do they wish they'd done differently? We talked to several readers
who volunteered their experiences, and to two knowledgeable doctors -- a
pediatrician and a family physician -- who offered their advice on how
to make the toughest decisions. Richard Polin, M.D., is director of the Division of Neonatology at New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital. Rallie McAllister, M.D., M.P.H. is a family physician in Lexington, Kentucky, and coauthor of The Mommy MD Guide to Pregnancy and Birth and The Mommy M.D. Guide to Your Baby's First Year.

Circumcision Rates Decline -- Should You Skip It?

According to a new study by the CDC, circumcision rates are down in hospitals by 4-7 percent in the last 10 years. (1) Why is this? The previous ten years had been marked by a significant
increase in circumcisions, so that rates are now declining is a fairly
new trend. There are mixed opinions of circumcision: on one hand, it's
been shown to decrease the risk of spreading certain STDs like HIV and
HPV, while on the other it causes pain and stress for the tiny patient
(and parents). Some groups across the country, such as the Whole Baby
Revolution, are advocating banning circumcision in their areas, which
underlines its changing status.

Parents: Opting to Avoid Pain

Circumcision is a choice parents of boys have to make.
Often someone appears at the door of your room and asks if you want
your baby circumcised, and if the answer is yes, the baby's foreskin is
cut out of sight and (perhaps) out of mind. Some parents view it as a
health issue; others see it as a religious or cultural obligation; and
still others think, "How will my son feel if his penis looks different
from other kids' in gym class?"

So how do parents feel about the practice when and if they have time
to think about it? One mother we talked to, Francis*, told us, "I
really wish I didn't circumcise my son -- I was in the room when they did
it, and afterwards couldn't even believe I had considered it."

Another mother, Melissa, had attended a bris, the Jewish circumcision
ritual, a year before her own son was born. She had heard the newborn
cry in pain, so she told her husband (who is Jewish) that if he wanted
their son circumcised, it would be up to him to secure a mohle and hold
their son for the procedure. When the time actually came, her husband
couldn't bring himself to go through with it, so their tiny son was off
the hook. Since the procedure can be stressful for a newborn, it's
understandable that parents would wish to avoid it altogether.

Doctors: Circumcision Is a Cultural, Not Medical, Decision

Dr. Polin underlines that while there's some evidence
that circumcision cuts down on conditions like HIV and urinary tract
infections, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not recommend
circumcision. (2)
In the end, he says, it really is just a cultural and religious
practice, not a medical one: "over time, that message is getting
through. It's simply not mandatory."

McAllister agrees that "the declining circumcision rates are a
reflection of the increasing availability of information about this
surgery. When parents have more knowledge and a greater understanding
about the immediate and future impacts of circumcision, they're better
able to make a conscious, educated choice about whether they want their
baby to be circumcised."

She adds that people should read up and talk to
friends about the decision, even though it can be a tricky conversation
if you're shy. "If the baby's father is circumcised, it might be
helpful to have a conversation with an adult man who wasn't circumcised,
to get another perspective. This might sound like a questionable topic
for discussion, but it's similar to asking a woman about her experience
breastfeeding or having a Cesarean section.... After parents have fully
educated themselves and given very careful consideration to their
options, I encourage them to do what they feel is best for their child."

The bottom line is that circumcision is a personal decision, not a
medical requirement. There may not be enough good evidence to warrant
the practice for health reasons alone. On the other hand, if your
cultural, religious, or personal beliefs encourage it, there is little
evidence that it does a child any long-term harm. Researching it though
books, Internet, friends, and, of course, your doctor, is always the best
tack to take.

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed?

Another issue that parents face upon the birth of
their child is whether or not to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is a topic
of fervent debate, and, fortunately, increasing research. Less
fortunately, despite growing evidence that breastfeeding is linked to
multiple benefits, from fewer infections (3) to better cognitive skills (4) (along with the Surgeon General's recent "Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding"), a recent CDC study suggests that hospitals may not be educating new parents adequately. (5)

In almost 80 percent of hospitals surveyed, newborns were being given
formula when they did not need it medically, which makes getting started
breastfeeding more difficult. Only 4 percent of hospitals provide the full
gamut of lactation support services available, and just 14 percent have a
written policy on breastfeeding education.

Rebecca, another mother who spoke to TheDoctor, said that the fact that
there was so little lactation advice given in the hospital made the
whole process feel overwhelming and isolating. The lactation nurse did
not make an appearance until her son was a day old, and she was not
aware of the fact that she could ask for one earlier. Her son had
problems latching on, due to a slight "tether tongue," where the baby's
tongue doesn't have the full range of motion to do the suckling reflex.

She ultimately stopped trying when her son was a
few weeks old and switched exclusively to formula, which also has its
benefits: Rebecca says its convenience and the fact that her husband
could feed just as easily as she could with formula, with no pumping
required, was quite a nice benefit. On the other hand, she was always
slightly sad that she didn't experience more of the mother-child bonding
that comes with breastfeeding, and looks back on those early days of
frustration with an inkling of regret.

New mothers are often emotionally quite delicate,
not to mention exhausted. So the problems that can come up when
learning to breastfeed (it is a skill that needs to be learned by
mothers and babies) can feel overwhelming. Some babies have trouble
latching on to the breast, mothers may find positioning their baby on
one side or the other, awkward. All of these difficulties are easily
overcome with a little help and practice, but too often, women don't
receive the instruction they need to move the process along.

Doctors: Educate Women Early

Dr. Polin has a firm opinion that there's really no
excuse for the hospitals that leave new mothers to fend for themselves
on the breastfeeding front. "Our department always encourages mothers
to breast feed," he says, "especially in the NICU [Neonatal Intensive
Care Unit]." He adds. "Most hospitals offer lactation consultants.
Every mother should meet with one. A good lactation consultant can make
all the difference." If your hospital doesn't provide one for you
right away and you have questions about breastfeeding, it's crucial ask
for one. A little help can make all the difference.

Dr. McAllister makes the point that the timing of breastfeeding education may be the root of the problem. "[Breastfeeding] education needs to start early
in a woman's pregnancy," she says. "It's often too little, too late to
see a lactation consultant the day after the delivery. I hear over and
over from other mothers -- even those who are physicians -- that they didn't
feel that they had enough education about the 'how to' of nursing prior
to giving birth."

Talk to your doctor or nurse while you are
pregnant, and bring it up in your childbirth class if it isn't
mentioned. Of course, much of the learning process clearly has to do
with the practice itself, which has to come after the birth of the baby,
but there is still something to be said for absorbing as much as you
can beforehand so you'll be familiar with all the issues involved.

For some women and some babies, however, breastfeeding remains
impractical or impossible. There is no evidence that formula-fed babies
have any significant health or developmental problems in the long run.
As Polin says, "if you don't have breast milk it's fine. There should
be no sense of guilt." So if breastfeeding doesn't work for you -- as
it doesn't for many women, for various reasons -- don't fret: your baby
will turn out just fine.

C-Sections or Vaginal Delivery: Should It Be a Choice?

C-section rates have reached an all time high in this country. (6) Some of the reasons for this, according to a Healthgrades study, include the
convenience (for doctors and parents) of choosing a delivery date and
time; a lack of awareness of the complications associated with it; the
rise in multiple births, which could require it; an increase in
age-related risk factors in the mother; and a rising willingness of
doctors to perform the surgery.

What's particularly apparent is that more women are opting for
scheduled C-sections, both for reasons of convenience and perhaps for
physical or aesthetic reasons. But the surgery has its risks, including
a longer recovery period for the mother and potential health risks to
the baby -- therefore, C-sections should not be viewed as a simpler
alternative to the old-fashioned method.

Parents: Expect a Long Recovery -- No Matter How You Give Birth

One of our readers, Rebecca, offered that although her C-section was
necessary and unexpected, the recovery was long, painful, and
exhausting. She says that very early into her recovery she tried to
take on more than she should have, which lead to prolonged bleeding and a
prescription for additional bed rest, not to mention the tears of pain
that were produced from the simple act of rising from her bed.

Had she just taken time to allow her body to
recover slowly and steadily, she says, the recovery would have been a
lot faster than it was when she tried to speed it up. "It took weeks
for me to be able to move normally and get back to all my regular daily
activities. Picking up the baby without a lot of pain took a number of
weeks, too." It's important to remember that C-sections are major
surgeries and hard on the body in multiple ways. Allowing your body the
time it needs to heal is ultimately the fastest way to recovery.

That said, there's an intense recovery involved with vaginal delivery
as well. Sandy tells us that she wished someone had told her about the
time that it takes to recover physically from childbirth. The stitches
after a vaginal delivery, she said, were exponentially more painful
than she'd anticipated, and it took her a very long time to feel normal
again. Melissa, echoing Rebecca's experience but without the C-section,
said, "It felt so great to feel lighter [after giving birth]; I was so
excited to be a mom, that I did too much too soon and had extra heavy
bleeding." Giving birth is a natural event, but it's a radical one.
Treat yourself accordingly.

Doctors: Planned C-Sections Pose Risks to Mother and Child

Beyond the seriousness of surgery for the mother, Polin tells us that
what most people are unaware of are the risks to the child. "The NIH
has done maternal-fetal network studies on the C-section issue," he
tells us. "There's a great concern that premature babies -- even
slightly premature, as with a planned C-section -- are at higher risk.
This is because of C-section demand. These babies can have a lot of
problems."

Even having a child a week before their natural due
date can be hard on their little bodies developmentally. According to
Polin, the risks to the infant that can come from planned C-sections
include "respiratory disease, mortality, and neurodevelopmental
handicaps." He also points out that the March of Dimes has launched a
campaign to reduce unnecessary "late pre-term" C-sections (those done
before week 39), because of the associated risks.

Of course, it's clear that when C-sections are required, they can be
life-saving, for both mother and child. But planned C-sections,
particularly early ones, come with real concerns that should not be
taken lightly. It is critically important to learn about all the issues
associated with C-sections and vaginal births for your particular
situation before making a decision.

Where to Give Birth: Options Beyond the Labor and Delivery Ward

Though the use of alternative locales and methods
of giving birth seems to be on the rise, many women may still not be
aware that there are other places to give birth besides hospital
delivery rooms and that people other than doctors and nurses can assist
in the delivery. Midwives are trained individuals who can do certain
medical procedures, lab tests, and assist with the birth and the
newborn. Doulas are not health professionals, but offer other types of
services including emotional support for the parents leading up and
after the birth of the child.

Birthing centers have a homier feel, some offering
Jacuzzis, comfortable furniture, hardwood floors, rugs, and tasteful
decoration. And while they typically don't have doctors on staff, they
offer nurses or midwives, who can handle a range of complications.
According to the American Association of Birth Centers, more widespread
use of birthing centers would save the country millions of dollars in
healthcare costs per year, not to mention cutting down significantly on
the number of C-sections. (7)

Since most birthing centers foster "natural" births, many don't offer
epidurals, drugs to induce labor, or C-sections. For women who are
concerned about this, some hospitals actually have their own birthing
centers, which can put a mother's mind at ease: The latest technology,
doctors and specialists, and equipment can be only an elevator ride away
should the need arise.

One reader, Theresa, said that she sincerely wished
she'd known more about alternative birthing options before having her
daughter. Her hospital experience was OK, she tells TheDoctor, but a
birthing center or other environment that offered more personalized care
would have made the process much more enjoyable in retrospect.

In the same vein, Rebecca says that she was so terrified of the
process, a birthing center could have made all the difference -- if she'd
only known that they existed. "In retrospect," she says, "I would have
used one. But knowing myself, because I was so scared of the birth
process in general and its potential complications, I would have 100 percent
chosen one offered by a hospital. A home birth was the only other
option I knew of, and I wouldn't have felt comfortable on that end of
the spectrum."

Doctors: Have the Best of Both Worlds

Dr. McAllister agrees that she would also want the
peace of mind that comes with giving birth in a hospital. "Although I
would have loved to have delivered my babies at home, I have to admit
that it still makes me a little nervous. Having witnessed dozens of
hospital deliveries in which either the mom or the newborn required
emergency care, I wanted to have immediate access to the highly skilled
physicians, nurses, and other trained professionals that could provide
that lifesaving care if my baby needed it."

This is another decision that's very much a matter of personal choice
-- and comfort level. In many cases, alternative options can work out
problem-free.

"The vast majority of pregnancies are uneventful, and mom and baby
do just fine," says McAllister. "Women have been delivering babies
forever, and our bodies know just what to do!" If you are interested in
other, less conventional options (and there are several), they may be
worth looking into, by talking to doctors and friends, researching
options on the Internet, and the best method -- touring the hospital or
birthing center and talking to the staff yourself.

Zeroing in on the Best Information

Given the almost comical amount of information out
there on pregnancy, childbirth, and babyhood, finding the right sources
can be challenging. Books, websites, and television shows can be
informative, but they can also overwhelm. For a life event that is
already stress-inducing by its very nature, it's important to find
clear, research-based information that serves to educate, not to scare.

It may be tempting to just put off informing
yourself, or to make a quick decision, but as the comments here suggest,
the decisions you make regarding the birth and early care of your baby
have a way of staying with you. They are life decisions, and you will
be happier if you do your homework. Even if you end up deciding to do
something differently the next time around, knowing why you made the
choice you did is bound to produce more peace of mind.

Parents: Stay Away From Anxiety-Producing Information

One reader, Heather, told us that she wished she had
laid off the advice books about the birth process during pregnancy, and
spent her time on reading up about the baby's needs. She says,
"especially towards the end of the pregnancy, I spent a ton of time
reading books about childbirth in the hopes that somehow I would learn
what it would feel like and get a sense of what my experience would be
like, which of course is impossible from books. It did nothing to quell
my anxiety."

Another mother, Sandy, said that she wished she hadn't taken the
hospital tour before going there in earnest to have the baby, because it
only served to scare her. The equipment, the sterility of the place,
and the sounds from the birthing rooms were not what this mother needed
to experience prior to "D-day" itself. These parents agree that though
it's good to be prepared in some ways, there's a fine line between
awareness and anxiety.

Doctors: Look for Cited, Expert-Written Sources

McAllister underlines that education is good, but it's all about where
you get your information. "As the old saying goes, knowledge is power.
The more moms-to-be know about pregnancy and delivery, the better
decisions they'll make. I think the question is not so much whether new
moms should educate themselves, rather it's how they choose to educate
themselves." She recommends staying away from "scary reality shows and
books that focus on all the things that can go wrong during pregnancy
and delivery.... Worry and emotional stress isn't good for anyone,
especially moms-to-be and their unborn babies."

It is important to pay attention to where the information comes from.
That means the information you use has to have references or clearly state the source of the facts and figures mentioned in
it so you can determine how valid the information is. Check who
authored the health information you're using.

Go to trusted sources like the National Institutes
of Health (NIH), CDC, the American Academy of Family Physicians, and the
American Academy of Pediatrics. These are all excellent sources for
information on pregnancy, childbirth, and baby's health and behavior,
says McAllister. Try to stay away from sites that have no author
listed or no biographical information, or which don't give references --
cite journal articles, reputable websites. or books -- for their
information. Pay attention to who is behind any websites you use.
Avoid sites sponsored by commercial enterprises that would appear to
have a vested interest (such as a baby formula manufacturer) in the
information.

Remember that the process of having a baby is not a one-size-fits-all
situation -- so it is helpful to seek out multiple takes on any issue
and choose the one that fits you and your baby best. "Often, there's
more than one way to do things right, and there's more than one good
answer to any problem," McAllister tells us. "The more you read and
understand the facts, the better prepared you'll be to make the
decisions that are best for you and your baby."

Be Prepared ... To Be Anxious -- And Trust Your Baby

It's important to keep in mind that women have been
having babies for millennia, and in many ways, the female is well
prepared for it, in body and mind. The idea behind educating yourself
before having a baby is the same as it is for buying a car -- so you can
make a better informed decision you are more likely to be happy with.

Yes, there is a lot of information out there, and
it can easily have the unwanted effect of making one feel as if she
doesn't know what she's doing, or is ill-prepared. As Sarah told us, "I
wish I knew to trust my instincts. I wish I knew all babies are not the
same. Just because a book (or the Internet) says a baby does X,
doesn't mean your baby will. I was concerned if the book said babies
drink 16 oz of milk and mine was drinking 'only' 13 oz., etc. I called
La Leche for advice so many times, I finally could diagnose myself just
by listing the answers to questions I knew 'the experts' would ask.
After about a year, I realized I was doing it correctly!"

Polin agrees that keeping it simple and using your intuition is the
way to go: "You don't have to be perfect," he says. "When I was growing
up, mothers just did what they thought was best, and the kids turned
out OK. Maybe we should do more of that these days."

It's true that the days and weeks before and after a baby is born can
be overwhelming, draining, and full of questions. But relaxing into it
as much as possible can help it along. Like anything else that is new
and challenging, having a baby is bound to make you a little anxious.
So be prepared for that.

Sarah adds, "My biggest thing is I wish I knew the baby is the true expert -- only he or she knows what he or she wants, and it may be
different (more or less, earlier or later...) than other babies; and
that's OK." The process can be overwhelming, but it can also be
wonderful -- though it's easier said than done, worrying and comparing
yourself to others less helps highlight the joys, so that the hardships
can fade away.