New Horizons Shock Discovery Rocks Westminster!

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Earth-shattering news came out of Finland yesterday when detailed photographic analysis of the New Horizons pictures of Pluto’s moon, Charon, appeared to show an artificial object partially buried in the moon’s surface.

Sleepy Finland may seem an unlikely place for detailed cosmological research to take place but faced with the constant fear of invasion by the marauding Lapps from the other side of the famous Kone Northern Ostrobothnia Barrier, the Finnish army maintain a highly equipped photo-reconnaisance laboratory in Haukipudas’s main university – Iso Poro Yliopisto and this, until now, top secret institute, has been tasked with examining the Charon photograph series on behalf of NASA.

Speaking exclusively to Finnish television channel, Yle, Professor Pekka Runkkarri said, “The object’s sharp and straight edges, protruding out of the ice, appear to be man-made and under the very highest magnification, we can just make out what appear to be upside-down English words in a black font.” Pushed on what the words said, the emeritus professor confirmed that they appeared to be two incomplete lines of text: ‘ACTION ON REN’ and ‘abour Ed M’.

There therefore seems little doubt that the artefact is in fact the ‘Edstone’, a stone plaque bearing the Labour Party’s election pledges which has been famously, and mysteriously, missing since the United Kingdom General Election in May this year.

This shock revelation is bound to add weight to previous Westminster rumours that Ed Miliband is, in fact, from another planet. These rumours began following the famous ‘face-slip’ caught on camera last year which was quickly covered up with the ‘bacon sandwich’ explanation. Observers of alien infiltration into the European Region formerly known as Great Britain, as well as other parts of the world, will know that examples of artificial faces have been shown in documentaries such as Total Recall (1990), the Men in Black series (starting in 1997) and even as early as ‘V’ (1983).

It’s a fact that many of the cheaper models are prone to fail under stress conditions as demonstrated in the above documentaries. So this then begs a number of questions… What does Ed Milband want? Why is he here?? How many other figures in political life are in fact human-face wearing aliens??? Some seem obvious – Ed Balls with the characteristic early model defects in the eye department, Harriet Harman, one of the least realistic ones and, and, most obvious of them all, Nicky Morgan, of course

If proved to be the case then it is expected that the respected institute, Search for Extra-Terrestial Intelligence (SETI), will shorten their name to Search for Extra-Terrestials, A well-placed source at SETI has confirmed that they have already trained their instruments on Westminster, in search of intelligence but over the last fifty years, have found none whatsoever.