Favourites

Is it just my children that don’t really have favourite things? They have ‘transient’ favourites certainly, where the thing they’re playing with at the time is their ‘favourite toy’ if asked, but generally they have never had that one thing that they gravitate back to, or can’t live without.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this is a massive problem. I’ve seen parents of children who are too attached to a blankee or particular toy with panic in their eyes as their little one is having a minor meltdown because 5 minutes ago they dropped it on the floor and only just noticed. I’ve seen them scrabbling around looking for the ‘spare’ one they bought for this very eventuality, and I do not envy them.

Our Youngest is slightly more likely to ask for a particular thing, especially at bedtime, be it the build-a-bear monkey we got him for introductions, the chimpanzee he picked to commemorate his first ever trip to the zoo, or his soft torch that he got for Christmas. The thing is that he isn’t overly attached to anything, he wouldn’t be upset if we gave him something different.Our Eldest is more extreme than that. He’s never shown interest in a particular object, the closest thing was a train he got for Christmas 2015. I can’t remember him ever asking for a particular thing at any point and I have to admit to wondering if his first 2 years has something to do with it.

He lead a fairly nomadic life when he was with his birth family, he has far too many known addresses against his name and probably a number of unknown ones too. I know that a few times he and his family had to up and leave at very short notice, and I wonder is this the reason he doesn’t get attached to certain objects?

He went into foster care with nothing at all that belonged to him, so has he lost so many of the things he has liked over his short life that he no longer sees any point in having favourites? Is this self-protectionism?

That is the worry. Not that he doesn’t have any favourites, but that he may not be capable of having one. We have tried to encourage him to form a few more attachments to his toys by putting some of the things that are his into his room where his brother can’t get them. They are his and no-one else’s. Hopefully he will start to realise that he can love these things, and that no-one will take them away from him.