Grocery Store Jagoffs

So I’ve used the Jagoff-estrator to highlight two things. I didn’t want you to think that the buggy (as we call in in Pittsburgh) was left there by a random person and that you should feel sorry for driver of this car who may have received damage from the errant buggy. Beeeecauuuuuse…..the person who left the buggy where you see it is the driver of the car that you see.

Just loaded her trunk and put the buggy right there!

As you can see, she’s about 4 parking spaces away from taking the buggy back to the store and, behind the camera, she’s about 6 parking spaces from putting it in the buggy-wrangler.

I was tempted to say something to this woman and video record the interaction on my phone but I chickened out. So, I thought, I’d post a “Missed Jagoff Connection” for her. Her ya go:

M4W (actually Jagoff Blogger 4 Shopping Buggy Jagoff)

You were walking with your cart. A very capable walk. You quietly put your groceries into your car. Of course, this was right after you pushed that buggy out of the store, in front of me, while trying to read you phone, therefore causing me to want to run you over. I was desperately looking for my “18-wheeler air-horn” soundboard to scare the @#$@ out of you and help you focus on the task at hand….getting to your car so that I could also get to my car.

You slowly approached your car and pressed your automatic trunk button as your hair tossed in the gentle breeze. I passed you, went to my car and loaded my Poptarts, Saltines, 2-for-1 bag of tortilla chips and the large container of guacamole that I got for 99-cents with a coupon.

Then there I was getting into my car and, there YOU were pushing your buggy about 15″ from your car so that it would be out of YOUR way but in someone else’s way. I picked up my smart phone and told myself, “Go talk to her. Make a difference in her life. Let her know you care aaaaand… get her reaction to what you say on video just in case she laughs like Chewbacca Mom! ”

But I didn’t… I just sat there and stared at you with as you backed out of the parking spot and took a picture, later which I drew on! I held my breath with excitement…

I’ve thought of you every day until I could write this blog post. Email me if you see this post because I’d like to spend time together showing you how to be a more considerate person. But if we remain a missed connection, know this…. I was wishing sooooo hard that you would have backed into that damned buggy. But you diddn’t… I was highly disappointed. Too bad you’re a better car driver than a buggy returner, Ya Jagoff!

I have in my hand, one Mega Ball (or whatever you call it) lottery ticket. I decide that I’m having a chocolate craving. So I run around the grocery store end cap, grab a Peppermint Patty (because it’s breath-mint properties are worth the calories vs a Kit-Kat), and head to the self-checkout line. The line that has a big, bold sign, “15 Items or Less” and usually can zip right through with one candy bar. But NOPE!

One register tied up with 3 people trying to figure out how to scan their bread.

The other? This guy!

You can see from my use of the Jagoffestrator that this guy, is not only in violation of the 15-item rule (which is such and age-old compliant) but he’s shattering the #$@#! record!!! He has sooooooo many groceries that they can’t all fit on the scale where the bags are, so he has to keep moving bags to the floor, which then causes the register computer-voice to scold him about “placing the item in the bagging area.” So he has to keep moving his frozen pizzas and stuff around and re-scanning.

On top of that, the register assistance light is flashing like a jackpot casino light on a 1,000,0000 to 1 payoff on a penny machine! But the guy keeps scanning and moving bags without regard to anyone else. Kind of like a teenager with a smartphone in the middle of a pack of senior citizens… but only even more ambivalent and irritating.

Dude… seriously? I had so much time to broil about this that I was able to put a mathematical calculation to it:

My guess is your next move was to head to the lottery line and rattle off 18 sets of numbers based on your dreams last night! Well, have fun with that, because I already beat ya to THAT line, YaJagoff!

“This was by my car. The #JAGOFF who left it was parked BETWEEN the cart corral & the abandoned cart”

Just last week, we talked about shopping cart, i.e. buggy, jagoffs on the YaJagoff Podcast with all of our guests. Basically, wanting to know if, when returning a buggy, do you walk the buggy back to the cart rack or do you shove it from a long distance.

But this shopper, didn’t do either. Just left the cart write there, a mere 18-feet, as noted by the Jagoffestrator Markings from the place where any considerate person would have placed it. Left it sitting there in the lot, just tempting it to go dancing in the wind….right into the side of someone’s car. Let alone, making it more difficult for the buggy-ranchers who walk all over the lot corralling the buggies.

Guess this shopper had to scurry home so that they could get their chipped ham and olive loaf into the fridge before it spoiled! Hey.. what kind of time would it take out of your self-absorbent busy day to move the cart where it’s supposed to be. Maybe you were just in a hurry to get in your car to hear the new Justin Beiber song, Ya Jagoff?