Negative Self-Feeling

Description

Persuade other people to comply with your request by saying that if they do
not agree to do as you say, they will feel worse about themselves.

Talk about how they know that not agreeing with you would be wrong or bad.
You can exaggerate this by indicating how other people will suffer unless they
comply.

You can also counteract fear or cowardice by talking about how such emotions
are shameful or 'not the real you'. An alternative is to emphasize the regret
they will later feel if they do not comply.

Example

Doing that would be rather selfish, wouldn't you say? You'll
feel bad if you do that.

This is your only opportunity. If you don't do this now, you
regret it forever.

Don't do it. It may make you feel good today but think about
how you will feel tomorrow. How will you live with yourself then?

Discussion

When we act against our
values, we feel the inner conflict of
cognitive
dissonance as our actions and beliefs mismatch. Sometimes we try to ignore
this or make excuses to ourselves ('I had to do it'). But when somebody else
points out that our actions are (or will) in contradiction to our values, then
we cannot avoid feeling guilty and think less of ourselves as our self-worth
declines.

Regret is a powerful
emotion that can ruin lives. It can also be called upon as anticipated regret,
where the thought of the bad feelings of regret are enough to stop you doing
something today.

Negative Self-Feeling is also written as 'Self-Feeling (Negative)'.

Negative Self-Feeling is the 52nd of the 64 compliance-gaining strategies
described by Kellerman and Cole.