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I have tried to quit drinking on my own for the Several years.. I will go months or even a year without a drink and am really happy. I then think I can manage it and go back to drinking. Each time I go back, I put myself in a worse position and feel increasingly depressed. Last night was one of those hard nights and this is about as low as I have felt after a night of drinking.

Hello Rcws, and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I have found there are more people start drinking when times are good then when time are bad. Our minds plays tricks with are memory. I forget how bad I was when things are good. Two things I learned early on is one I needed sufficient substitute for my drinking and a reminder of the way I use to be. AA has given me both.

hope you find what I have found in AA

Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!

Rcws wrote:I have tried to quit drinking on my own for the Several years.

I have tried.On my own.I can do it myself.I'm strong enough.I'm good enough.

All of those statements above were things I told myself for my first 10 years of attempts at sobriety. All they got me was 10 years of attempts at sobriety. Then I gave AA and the Big Book a chance, a real chance. I learned that my best attempts, alone, were futile. I learned that I was not the center of either the universe or my happiness. I learned that I needed other people and power that was not within myself.

With more than a few "one days" under my belt now, I've also learned that I will never, ever, be able to manage IT. IT is unmanageable without others and without what I have found to be my higher power.

So the question I would ask is this question -- if this is about as low as you have ever been, do you think it is as low as you are willing to go before getting serious about stopping your inexorable slide into the pit? If so, we can help -- both here on e-AA and in the physical rooms of AA. It's your choice, friend.