A blog about my life and transition from male to female. My worries, hopes and dreams.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Dealing with Pain and Dating

What I went in to see my Doctor for was intermittent pain in my right
leg. The concern was that it was because of blood clots. Dr Shelly
thought it was probably a pinched nerve but we were going to check for
clots to be safe. I think she was right. I think it is a pinched nerve
or something else and we just coincidentally found a clot. The pain
seems to have become constant on some level. It is not always intense
but it's there. I can deal with it. It seems the worst when I'm
driving. Something about how I hold my right foot sets off pain in my
foot or ankle and then my thigh and then my lower back. If I'm able to
put the car in cruise control, it's better. If I'm in stop and go, it's
hell. Several people have suggested its sciatica and it could well be. I
just know I hurt ... a lot! And I expect that it won't be quick, easy
and cheap to fix.

So it wasn't easy to drive from downtown Seattle to Issaquah at rush
hour on a Friday to see the woman I've been dating. We've been mostly
just friends, maybe special friends and there may have been some
benefits to the relationship. We were going to go to a woman's perty, I
thought together. I was wrong. She was already in Seattle and had
plans for getting home. I had thought I was her only way in to the party
and back. Because of the pain and if were just me, I would have skipped
the party. Which is what I'm going to do now. I am not a happy camper.
Not happy at all.

As for dating and finding the right partner? I've been deciding to stop
looking for her. It's a very difficult thing for me to follow through
on. I've always found my self-worth in a relationship with a woman. But
I've decided I need to find more balance in my life. I need to explore
who I am as a woman beyond being a mom, especially now that My Girls are
growing up and are more and more living their own lives and needing me
less. I need to find my self-worth dating a new woman who has been
there all along. I'm going to start dating, courting me.

1 comment:

Girl, stop looking, and start focusing on you. When you get yourself to the right place in your life, someone will come into it, and it'll be perfect.... Nor Robyn, or I were looking for a relationship. Robyn had sworn to never ever date let alone marry again, and I didn't want a relationship.... and here we are, married 3 years in April :) It will happen for you, but the timing has to be right... So, work on your health, work on you, and your passions and your loves, and at that time, she'll come out of the woodwork, and you'll be together forever.... always! {{hugs}}