"The pure impulse of dynamic creation is formless; and being formless, the creation it gives rise to can assume any and every form." --Kabbalah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be darned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your porch swing."~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

Good morning everyone. Gail, prayers you are feeling better. Sharon, prayers that you are recovering and doing well. Please keep my best friend Sandy in your prayers. She is in A Fib again and gotten a cold on top of that. She gets worn out just walking a few feet. They are going to Zap her pacemaker again when she gets over the cold. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Waffles, Pancakes, Bacon and Eggs, and Hot Chocolate in the NC.

So who here will be plonked in front of their tv at 1930 CST tonight to cheer on Al? We will be drawing straws tonight to see who we are cheering for so we have at least one person cheering for each team.

Safelight is on the way to replace the windshield in our van. It was a casualty of the road last month. Once they leave I think I'm going back to bed. I slept great while I slept, but woke up waaaaaaaaaay too early. I didn't get up but now I'm really tired.

Son and I are hoping to get the monkeys out for a walk and of course there is Mt. St. Laundry to climb and some books to bake, broil, or stew. Too cold out to grill.

Back later

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

All I have left to do is vacuum and I did manage to get the dogs in for their hike as well. Peter came with which was a rare treat. I'm going to jump in the shower so that I don't get thrown out of dance class tonight.

Hi Everyone!! Sure been missing it here but with good pc ill and hubby ill and..... I will get things sorted out soon, I hope! Ana, do you ever stop for five minutes?? You are a paragon of work-ly virtue!! Where is Eveylene??? Still engrossed in her classes? Hi SharonB...need to read up on older posts but I am glad to see you back here again. A dark and rainy day here. Perhaps some time to continue my most enjoyable book, Culpa Innata.... ! Happy Gaming!!!

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LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.