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The Bigger Picture

I am a single guy and online dater. My profile lists my attributes honestly, and I include pictures taken only within the last year. I often get responses from women who have read my profile, looked at my pictures and want to meet me. But their profiles don’t include any pictures of themselves. They claim that, for professional reasons, they do not want to include photographs in their profile. How does this strike you?

Brett, Portland, Ore.

These gals seem to be taking the concept of blind dating to maximum possible blindness. Still, I can understand why a high-school teacher or psychotherapist might not want to post her (or his) picture on a public dating Web site. So they should e-mail pictures of themselves privately so that you can make your decision on an equal footing. If they aren’t willing to do that, move on. Uncompromising selfishness is not conducive to healthy relationships. What’s good for the (single) gander, in this case, is also good for the (single) goose.

Tangled Up and Blue

Twice recently I have sat in the window seat on an Amtrak train. Another person has taken the aisle seat and plugged a cellphone or laptop into the outlet beneath the window and laid the cords across my lap — without so much as a word to me about it. Both times, I objected and asked the people to move their cords. And in both cases, the people freaked out. (I’m not kidding.) Am I in the wrong here?

Christina, Brooklyn

Good to know that Amtrak runs an express train to hell. If right and wrong are your sole concern, fear not, Christina. You are the big winner. But if you are interested in diminishing these unpleasantness cord encounters (and that would be the point of manners here), may I suggest a few anti-freak-out possibilities?

Photo

Credit
Christoph Niemann

Next time, say: “Would you care to switch seats? I don’t want the cord on my lap.” Or, if you want to keep your window seat, try a friendly, “Can we rearrange this cord so I don’t get all tangled up.” (Of course, an evil genius would plug her hair dryer into the outlet the second she sat down and avoid the whole kerfuffle.) Remember: Even though these folks are being aggressive, you may be stuck with them for several hours.

The Price Is Right

A friend and I went out to dinner. I placed my white sweater on the seat beside me. During the meal, the woman next to us spilled her glass of red wine on my sweater. She apologized profusely and handed me $20 for dry cleaning. I returned the money because it was an accident, and I saw how badly she felt. Later, she sent us two large desserts, which neither of us wanted. Would it have been wrong to accept the money?

Not at all. The clumsy drinker was only trying to live up to the time-honored tradition of china shops (and former Secretary of State Colin Powell on Iraq): You break it, you bought it. And what did you get by thwarting her attempts to be a do-right woman (other than a couple of hot-fudge sundaes that nobody wanted)? Some folks can’t rest until they make things right; we’re lucky to have them. Next time, take the money and thank her — or tell her not to worry, you’re sure you can remove the red wine at home. (And good luck with that.)

A Dog’s Life

We live in a university town with sharp racial and town-and-gown divisions. So we value our good relationship with our neighbors, who are on the opposite side of both divides. We maintain a shared driveway together, chat across the fence and give each other’s children gifts. Just one problem: They have a cocker spaniel, which they chain up outside, all day, every day. He is skinny, has matted hair and never goes on walks. We feel terrible every time we see him, but don’t know what to say. Is there a way to improve this dog’s life without ruining our relationship with the neighbors?

Anonymous

If it takes a village to raise a child, why shouldn’t it take a neighborhood to raise a cocker spaniel? Many will sympathize with your (and the pooch’s) plight. I know I do. But I suspect that any pet pointers you give your neighbors will go over about as well as nutritional lectures to the parents of children wolfing down Happy Meals. Nobody likes a scold — especially when he’s right.

How about knocking on your neighbors’ door and saying (with a big smile) that you are going to start walking in the evening for exercise. Then add, “Would you mind if I took Spot along?” It’s hard to imagine their saying no. It may even kick-start their own pet-ownership skills. And a peaceful walk may do you the world of good, too. If you don’t want to pitch in, that’s fine. But you should probably keep quiet about this one, and remember your decision the next time you look into those sad spaniel eyes.

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