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I was at a college party with my brother and the cops showed up to bust it up. Well, one wasted guy heard that the cops were there so he did the first logical thing he could think of... he dove out the window. Not too crazy, except the window was closed. He shattered through the window and started running. The cops saw him do this and chased him down. He ended up resisting arrest which was entertaining for a while. Found out he was 22, and had no reason to run but he was just that wasted.

A friend was drinking steel reserve all night, he passed out on a couch pretty early. At the height of the party, he awoke (while still completely blacked out), stood up and walked about 10 feet before beginning to piss on the floor. While peeing, he let go of his hand that should have been holding his dick. I don't recall exactly how his dick ended up pointing to the sky, but seconds later he was peeing on his face and chin, in front of everyone, for at least 15-20 seconds. He then started walking towards the couch, probably so he could pass out again, but immediately slipped in the piss (it was a tile floor) and his head put a hole in the wall before he landed in his urine. Then he just started moaning in pain until a urine-immune friend helped him up and put him elsewhere.

We are sitting in a circle around the coffee table, it is 3 AM. The guy across from me is wearing a gold track suit, his hair in a dirty pony tail, and he is telling a story about a girl he banged or something. Mid sentence he starts to barf. He cups his hands and catches a foamy handfull, but a considerable amount of vomit ends up all over his chest.

Bug eyed, he looks around the circle, and promptly re-drinks the shit in his cupped hands. Like, just chugs it, right down the gullet. Then he stands up, wipes his hands on his legs and exclaims:

"You didn't think I was ready for this? You didn't think I was prepared? I AM ALWAYS PREPARED."

None of us can speak. What the fucking fuck did we just see? But he was prepared, and we were not. He rips off this filthy track suit, just tears it off in one complete motion, the legs perfectly snapping apart, buttons popping like a machine gun. And what he is wearing underneath is: another gold track suit. We are dumbfounded, amazed; he just danced around like he'd scored the winning touchdown.

My college neighbors were having a party once and they kicked someone out. The guy came back and started trying to kick down the door, someone at the party ended up stabbing the guy in the leg. My friends and I were on the front stoop watching all this unfold. Last I heard/saw the guy he was running down the street with one shoe on, on the phone screaming "I'M LEAKIN' DOG, I'M LEAKIN'!!!!".

There was a dude pretending to be passed out on the floor so he could look up girls' skirts. One of the girls happened to notice what he was doing and started doing a seductive bump and grind while standing over his face. After a minute or two, she took off her panties and kept up the show. She kept squatting lower and lower until she was inches over him and she proceeded to shit on his face.

Somehow it took him about five seconds to process exactly what was happening so it gave her time to step over him after her first turd landed on him. She calmly clinched it off and walked to the bathroom to finish up her business. I never did see that guy at a party again.

I got invited to a frat party my first week of college. I showed up late and started walking up the hill to this converted plantation home frat house with a sprawling front porch on both the first and second story. I got within about 20 ft of the house when everyone on the ground floor started screaming at me. I had no idea what was going on but there were about 40 people just yelling at me saying "what the fuck! Stay back" and I was confused. I wasn't drunk and they clearly were and I had no clue what what was happening. Was I wearing an offensive color? Had something happened and no one else was allowed in, I had no idea. I made one more step towards the house when I large flaming sofa came crashing down a couple feet in from of my face. It was apparently something that had happened upstairs and the couch was on fire so they threw it off the balcony and I almost died. For 2 years I was known as that guy that almost got crushed by a flaming couch

I remember being at the party. I don't remember leaving. I also don't remember how I came into possession of a 4ft high metal sign on a stand with a Thai menu printed on it. I think I must have had help - I couldn't lift it by myself the next morning. None of my friends recollect helping me carry it home. I Googled the Thai restaurant. It was on the other side of the city from both the party and my apartment.

I took a shit in a dresser. Years later I was at an AA meeting where some dude was telling his story. He was describing how some stoned out drunk chick took a dump in his dresser drawer at a party and that morning he decided he needed to sober up. I almost approached him after the meeting but I decided not to.

Kid randomly walked out of a party we were having. He was blacked out and nobody heard from him for a while. Got a call about 2 hours later from a taxi driver on his phone. Apparently our friend asked to go to the airport and didn't have his wallet to pay so the driver was about to kick him out on the side of the road. He came back with a whole bottle of vodka and still no wallet.

Massive party at my place, toward the end of the night a few of us were in my hot tub passing around a bottle of belvedere black (and other suh substances) when my best friend said he had to get up and go home (he was absolutely annihilated) and left the hot tub.

The next morning everyone is gone home and I have an enormous mess to clean up, I check my phone and its full of texts from his girlfriend asking if he was still at my place because he never came home. Years ago he tried to walk home from my first house party while we were in our teens in a similar state and fell into a ditch and was brought to hospital by passers by so I'm horrified that something like that has happened again.

I call everyone, no one has seen him. I call the police. I decide to go look for him along the street toward his parents' house but head out back to the deck first to make sure I put the hot tub top and cover back on from the night before and there he is, behind the hot tub curled up in the vinyl covering fast asleep.

We got in the habit of having 'lingerie parties' back in college. Occasionally the kids would find ecstasy or moly or some kind of feel-too-good pills and odd things would happen. Finding peoples clothes in weird places etc... never saw anything too awkward in the open somehow. I remember a good friend of mine sitting in a massage chair in her corset/outfit/thing for about 3 hours and not letting anyone else have a turn for I believe this same reason as your intoxicated friend.

At one of the lingerie parties I went to, there was a fat girl sitting on the front steps outside. A guy came up behind her and said her name. When she turned her head to look, the guy had his dick out and just stuck it in her mouth. She proceeded to go to town on him. Weirdest thing I've ever seen at a party hands down.

I was sitting in a bar when three young fellows come in asking for "Gin Sniffers" like the bartender should know all about it. We thought "gin in a snifter" maybe? Nope. They wanted to snort gin out of the dimple on the bottom of a rocks glass.

In Mayville, ND they serve Chilly Willies. Everclear in the dimple and you snort it out. Never have a partaken in this event, but I have been dumb enough back in the day to accomplish the stuntman shot. Snort the salt, Lemon in the eye, and shoot the tequila. Or a prairie fire which in my drunk stupor is honestly one of my favorites. Tequila with Tabasco in it.

I was at a bar a year and a half ago and this guy said he was going to do the Strongman shot, did anyone wanna do it with him? I said sure, since I didn't really know anybody and thought this would endear me to their group.

Turns out it's just a tequila shot... but you snort the salt, do the shot and then squeeze the lime into your eye.

It was the biggest party weekend of the year at my college and I was hanging out at a friends apartment. It wasn't the traditional party spot for that day but it got even more out of hand. It started off with someone puking on a couch in one of the other units. The guys at that party dragged it out into the courtyard where it was subsequently lit on fire. Other apartments had had similar furniture fatalities and brought out more couches and chairs and threw them onto the growing fire. One of the guys visiting my friend was a forestry major and a goddamned lumberjack so he grabbed an axe and started felling tress in the nearby woods and dragging them onto the fire. Meanwhile out in the parking lot some guys decided to break into an unregistered Saab 900 that had been abandoned years ago. They put it in neutral and push it down into the courtyard. The guy behind the wheel picks up a little speed, aims for the fire and bails out. Now we've got a house worth of furniture, several entire trees, and a car on fire in the middle of four housing units. While everyone had been watching the fire the police had shown up stealthily and in force. No lights, no sirens, buildings surrounded. All of a sudden teargas canisters come raining down into the courtyard and the police rush in with riot gear.

Me and my buddies book it back into their apartment and stay holed up until the arrests were made the fire was out and the sun rose the next morning. Since no one that lived there was involved they were spared from arrest or eviction. No one else knew who the lumberjack was and he was off in the woods getting another tree when the cops showed up. The guy just said fuck it and slept out there and came back for his truck the next day.

All of us were hung over eating pancakes at an ihop looking at each other like "did that shit really happen?"

I don't like telling this often to non-Australians because it confirms the world's views about us.

But once at a uni dorm party my two friends and I dropped acid at around 10pm, and amongst other things, spent the next three hours befriending a bunch of rabbits in the grounds, until they lead us to a majestic creature which we believed to be "the king of rabbits" and we lived and dined with him.

But according to everybody else next morning there were just three dudes tripped out of their minds chasing a kangaroo across the grounds at 2am.

I saw a girl crying because there were fish in a fish tank. She was upset these fish were in "fish jail". She wanted to console them. The more and more wasted she got the more obsessed she got with fish oppression. She ended up trying to get in the tank with the fish to swim with them so she could transmit her love to them.

I was at a party where a guy had a samurai sword on his back, was wearing a prison suit, and had a "toy" gun. (This was a halloween party) Well someone did something wrong and the guy in the jumpsuit decided to pull out his "toy" gun, which turned out to be a real glock 22. We all were baffled as to why he would pretend with a gun until a friend of ours fought over the gun, and seconds later everyone was out running because he actually popped a round off in the apartment. My friend and i Jumped down a two story balcony, and got to my friends car and left as soon as possible. Later on, we found out the kid with the gun got beat so bad he went to the hospital with broken ribs and a broken nose. Craziest night ever. EDIT: This was in Tucson Az, and I dont know much about guns, BUT it made an exremely loud noise when it was shot.

Friend's bachelor party -- we took a party bus to Chicago from Indiana, I blacked out before we even got there. Wandered the streets and came back to in an all black club where I was chillin by myself in the corner (I am not black). Went outside and a homeless guy high fived me and knew me by name. Didn't know where I was and asked the cops to take me back to where I was staying, and they did.

A high school party I was at was busted by the overly aggressive local police force. Needless to say, half the party bolted out the back door and over the fence in the back. Little did we know, more police officers were waiting on the next street over and began chasing people. One kid screamed at the top of his lungs "I'M THE HIDE AND SEEK MASTER!" and then dove head first into a leaf pile...kid stayed there for a good two hours and watched a lot of his friends get caught

EDIT: This happened in upstate New York, and no I was not the kid that hid in the leaf pile. He actually didn't get caught, and ended up walking home at around 4:30-5:00am. I was fortunate enough to hop into a buddy's car as he pulled away; actually scared the shit out of him because he didn't know I was behind him.

EDIT: Rochester, NY. More specifically, the town of Brighton. BPD has done some crazy shit to catch high schoolers partying...and in turn the high schoolers have obviously done some crazy shit to avoid them

EDIT: This happened about a year ago, maybe a year and a half. Funny how many people seem to have experienced similar run-ins with small town police though

I grew up in a small farm town and we always used to just bolt for the cornfields when parties got busted. People would be wandering around out there for hours, once all the cops were gone we'd have to come back and flash headlights into the fields to draw out all the lost drunk people as if they were moths of some sort. Surprisingly easy to get lost in a cornfield - they go on for miles and you can hardly see anything.

I was having a party in my apartment on the same day that I had started dating a girl I had met a couple of weeks earlier. Shortly after my brother arrives at the party and gets introduced to her she announces that she has a trick she would like to show everybody. She grabs a full beer can and a bottle of lotion then proceeds to tell everybody to gather around as she covers the unopened beer in lotion. Everybody at the party gathers around me and the girl I had recently introduced them to as my girlfriend while speculating about exactly what this trick could be. She managed to get her pants around her knees, revealing her lack of underwear, before I grabbed her arm and asked her wtf she was doing. Apparently she thought she could impress everybody by making the beer can disappear. My brother was happy I dumped her but rather disappointed that I didn't wait until after the trick to kick her out

I lived with my college boyfriend in a frat house. There was a party he forgot to lock our bedroom door. Later go into the room to find a random girl on our bed. She had her tits out and her pants pulled down. I was worried something happened, until I realized she was having phone sex with her boyfriend. Needless to say I had control of the door keys from that night on.

For my 21st birthday myself and seven other of my friends took shrooms and threw a huge party. One by one those that took the shrooms would either get couch locked or go hide somewhere because they were tripping too hard to deal with the chaos outside. Nobody knew I (or anyone else) was on shrooms so naturally I get corralled into a keg stand. My logic was to give them one ridiculous alcohol drinking feat so that nobody could approach me with random shots or something. So, I was hoisted into the air and managed a 33 second keg stand. After this, I had to pee and found two of the girls that were also on shrooms nearly on the verge of tears from giggling so much in the bathroom. I joined their sphere because the vibe felt good, and we ended up having a threesome, drunk, and on shrooms in my friends walk in closet. It was a good birthday.

This probably isn't to crazy but being a little Canadian white boy..it made me poop my pants. I went to a Detroit Red Wings game for a bachelor party a year back. I was wasted by the end of the first period and decided to go looking for a Jimmy Johns that apparently doesn't exist. I managed to leave the arena and get myself lost walking down what i'm assuming was Downtown Detroit. After what felt like hours of looking for my party bus and friends I decided to balls up and ask 3 fairly large african american fellows chillin out on the corner for directions. I slowly wobbled over and made sure not to spook any of these fine citizens...I started to ask for directions and before i could finish one of the gentleman politely asked what the fuck i wanted. My instinct was to just turn around and run but for some reason I stuck around.. I repeated my dilemma to them and they seemed to just stare at me for a lifetime until finally one of them said " Daamn Oscar, whiteys fuckked.. we should help dis cracka out"....and thats exactly what they did. Turns out Oscar and his homies were scalping tickets befor the game and I was literally still minutes from the arena. Oscar and his crew guided me back to the arena and even helped me find my bus. We had oodles of beer on the bus so I grabbed a 2/4 and gave it my newly acquired homies.

Ghostface Killah from Wu Tang Clan playing beer pong in a frat basement and looking like he would rather be anywhere else. Frat bros were animatedly giving him tips while he just kept looking for the blunt to be passed back around.

Ghostface Killah played a Fordham show and showed up at my friend's afterparty. He took two freshman girls into one of the bedrooms and by the following Monday the university banned rappers from performing on campus.

He had a bunch of girls dancing on stage at his show, and I was one of them. After his set he brought us all backstage where we chilled for a bit. Some annoying kid kept pushing Ghostface to go to his frat, and after the 20th time the kid asked, Ghostface and his crew finally agreed. All the girls piled into his giant SUVs and we all went to the frat together. Before beer pong, we went up to a room in the frat and smoked a bunch. The whole time he was super chill and never creeped on anyone.

this is not mine, i just remember saving it....if anyone knows whose this is, i encourage you to say something:

"So one of my friends is in a frat. They were having a party, and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Awesome, I know. Anyways, the cops show up, and the party is on the third floor. Capt. Sparrow looks at them when they come in, throws open the window and yells, 'Gentlemen, you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.' And jumped out the window.

Broke both legs, still got his Minor In Possesion."

EDIT: bolded the top line since so many people seem to think this is my story. i don't really care if it's fake or not...just a funny story i saw once.

I once accidently walked in to a crowded gay bar (me being a straight 17 year old guy at the time) and we stayed there for quite a while. After a couple a drinks the bartenders notices that we are not gay and asks me and 2 friends to come to him and whispers "if u strip on-stage for these guys i'll give you free drinks the whole night"... So there we were, stripping (as a drunk 17 y/o) for 80+ horny homosexuals.

Back in high school my buddy was having a party at his house, that his family had not moved in yet, but were planning on moving in the next day. Everyone got wasted, two dudes start wrestling in the living room. One of the guys smashes the other dudes head through the wall... The entire room of 30 people went silent. I yell out, "who here can drive??", cause i sure as hell couldn't at that time.. some girl drove me to my parents house, we were in the process of renovating a room at that time. I busted in at 2 AM walked to the room, cut a massive piece of dry wall out of the wall, grabbed some screws and a drill, parents asked wtf I was doing, told them nothing and ran out with the supplies, drove back to the party where everyone is trying to figure out what to do. patched the hole with my parents dry wall, textured and painted the patch, looked alright.. the next day his parents are none the wiser, that patch is still there to this day, 5 years later.

Also the next day when i returned home, my parents were still confused as to why i cut a massive piece of dry wall out of our wall at 2 AM. Told them the story, we laughed it off. The good news was that wall was coming down anyway, was glad i cut the correct wall, because i sort of remember playing a little guessing game that night as to which wall was the correct wall.

House party/day drinking, decided to take our 300$ pool table, douse it in gasoline, place firecrackers in the ball pockets, and then throw a flaming hatchet at it. Cops got called because we live in the middle of the city. Three cop cars show up and are asking WTF is going on, but by then we had put the flames out with a fire extinguisher.

Long story short the cops had us drag the half burnt pool table to our backyard, put more firecrackers and gas on it and do it again so they could see it (we were all of legal age and on private property so drinking wasn't an issue). They were genuinely amused and were taking pictures and laughing as we stood there in drunken glory. They left and told us to be safe, the party escalated after that and raged on till about 5am.

At 10/11am I was woken up to a firetruck in front of my house and half a fire department on my porch ringing my doorbell. Evidently they had heard over the police scanner the night before what we were doing and had come in the morning to politely ask us to do the 'flaming hatchet trick' again. However the pool table was basically in ruin so we showed them all the ashes and they had a good laugh and rolled off down the street in their firetruck. It was a proud moment I'll tell about till the day I die.

tl;dr At a house party we threw a flaming hatchet at a gas and firecracker infused pool table. Cops showed up, called the fire dept and politely asked us to do our 'flaming hatchet trick' again so the fire dept could see it.

Very drunk friend wanders out of the back door of the house at a party in the middle of winter, but thinks he's going out the front. Nobody sees him leave. Thinking he's on the driveway, he staggers out onto the frozen pool cover, breaking through the ice and falling into the foul rainwater that collected beneath. He loses both shoes and cuts his feet (probably on the ice) as he somehow manages to pull himself out. Still, nobody sees this happen, when suddenly a very wet, hypothermic and bloody friend plasters himself onto the outside of the sliding glass door in right front of the bulk of the party guests like some unholy apparition. Girls scream, and the party lurches to a complete stop. We pull him inside, trying to get out of him what could possibly have happened, but all he kept repeating was "I droke the briveway." My adult self realizes that its only funny because nobody died, but damn, what a story.

Friend left a party went outside, stumbled around and got confused, walked into the neighbors house and into the living room and must of made enough sound to wake up the neighbor. The guy wakes up the next morning in jail, apparently the neighbor knocked him out with the butt of his gun, no recollection.

My friend did the exact same thing but lost his jeans in the process. However, he woke up on the sofa with a blanket over him and a hot cup of tea (UK). The neighbors had guessed where he'd come from and gave him directions come morning.

I bought a Chewbacca mask earlier in the day (the okay one that is movie quality), took it home and went out for a pint with the guys. They all retired super early and I was pretty disappointed as it was Friday evening and I was in ultra party mode.

I couldn't find much else to do that night, so I just went home figuring I'd liquor myself up and chooch my way into unconsciousness.

I have a few drinks at home, wander into my room and the most brilliant purchase of my life is leering into the depths of my infantile soul, saying "I want to be on top of you"

I toss on what later would become my alter ego, and begin my journey around the block accompanied by a cigarette, as I do.

So I'm practicing my beastly wails when all of a sudden, unbeknownst to me prior, there's a party happening just down the block.

ULTRA MEGA CHEWBACCA PARTY MODE ENGAGE.

It was only about 1am but EVERYONE was plastered. I roll up and got the red fucking carpet "AYYYYYY CHEWBACCAAAAA" (yeah, the fonz was there).

The only thing that came out of my mouth that night were primal screams rolling out of the back of my throat and they FUCKING LOVED IT. I was instantly the life of the party. At one point some guy tried to take the mask off my head and I swatted his arm away. From there on, anytime someone tried to make a grab, I had a posse of fanboys quick to snatch them.

Half of them were on the jazz cigarettes and started getting into these absolutely retarded philosophies about the socio-economics of different races in Star Wars, then would ask me my opinion and I would only respond in tongues. Those guys nearly went into boisterous guffaw induced comas.

At one point they had me doing keg stands and bong hits. I really wish I could have been at an outside perspective watching all this.

Things start getting hazy, but thankfully for me, the more fucked up I am, the louder I get. At one point I jumped on a table, ripped my shirt off (still pissed about that, I can't find that shirt anywhere), poured a beer over my head and let out a furocious roar. I'm a pretty hairy homie, so they ate it up

I really have NO fucking clue how in gods name this actually came about. I don't remember any of the content that came out of this girls mouth, but apparently she wanted me in there.

She leads me to a room upstairs. Pants are still soaked from booze. Like a true tribal thespian, I'm still payin' homage to my furry compadre. This girl pulls my pants down and starts giving me a blowjob and the force is strong with this one.

Tells me to finish on her face. Proceed to do so.

Immediately thereafter leave the party, go home and pass out in my underwear. I'm still wearing the mask, in the middle of the livingroom.

Roommates wake me up and ask what the fuck happened. I told them they suck at partying, that's what.

So turns out this girl was actually seeing one of my coworkers who I'm decent buddies with. I had no idea, I'd never met her before. Shes actually been over to my house with my buddy a couple times since. She still has no idea

I'm still debating whether or not I should leave the Chewie mask out for her one day.

Edit: my big furry paws don't do so well with typing

Edit 2: WOOKIE WHAT WE HAVE HERE. Sweet merciful science you guys, 7 golds? I don't think I've ever broken a 40 karma threshold in my entire reddit career. I'm going to have to get a gold plated Chewie chain with all of this.

Years ago at a high school party, a kid I knew wanted to see some boobs and was trying unbelievably hard to make his dream come true. He was appropriately blacked out and was willing to do just about anything to make it happen. Every girl he knew said "fuck-off" like we expected, until he finally found a girl with low enough standards to complete the job (so he thought).

She hesitantly said no at first, then maybe, and then said okay I will. She said, "But... First you have to do something to impress me". He tried a variety of tactics and stunts but everything failed and she was almost ready to go back inside the party. He asked her to wait, and told her he had one more trick. Remember folks, this man was blacked the fuck out... He pulls out his bottle of liquor from his backpack, whips out his penis and yells, "WATCH THIS MOTHER FUCKERS!" as he pours liquor onto his pants and genitals. With everyone's attention at this point, he yells one more time, pulls out a lighter, and lights his dick on fire in front of at least 50 people. Screaming ensued as he stopped-dropped-and-rolled, and laughter emanated from the spectator gallery. Someone close-by doused his crotch region with their mixed drink and he went quiet. We were all still uncontrollably laughing our asses off at this point. To our amazement he managed to get up and let out a couple words while staring at the girl directly. He quietly asks, "Now can I see your boobs?"

She is laughing too and coldly says, "No you dumbass, I never was going to show you anyways," and promptly heads back into the party. The dick-lighting kid suffered no permanent damage except irreversible damage to his pride and dignity. Might have been one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen. TL:DR High school kid lights his dick on fire to see boobs, fails

At a geologist party. Its all grad students and their profs. Some dude is mixing liquid cocaines (jager and goldschlager) . He gets blitzed and goes for a walk to the super market. He comes back with a watermelon. He takes off his clothes and goes to sleep in the host's bed. She yells at him. He comes back out to the party in his underwear and starts dancing with his watermelon. Waltzing. He falls on the watermelon and it explodes everywhere. He rolls on his back in the watermelon and his dick pops out of his shorts... in front of all his peers and professors. I went home with a cougar and banged on her couch listening to noma noma yay.

I went to a party where a guy got
Drunk enough that he went into a closet thinking it was a bathroom , shit in the closet and threw up on himself and then passed out in the closet , 4 guys had to drag him out and for some reason they lost his pants .... I'll try to find the picture of him

My brothers and i had a LOT of parties at my parents house over the years, big yard, set back, pool...popular spot. One of my favorites was actually one of the smallest, just me and about 5 friends hanging out and my younger brother, who was in high school at the time, with 3 of his friends. The drinks and smoke were casually flowing...nothing serious. But then my brother and his band of butt nuggets disappeared for about 20 minutes and reappeared with a few "for sale" signs in the trunk of one of their cars, ha ha...mild laugh. They disappear again, and again reappear with more plus a road sign or 2. This goes on for hours. Traffic signs, mailboxes, store signs, an entire pole WITH concrete base, stop sign and 2 street signs. My friends and i are very amused and also impressed with the now very large and growing pile of increasingly daring municipal thievery these giggling, red eyed scamps have absconded with. Then they go again and don't return...the pile is at least 12 feet in diameter and 5 feet high. Hours go by and dawn is not far away when my scratched to shit, mud encrusted, exhausted and sober brother appears from the woods and this is the story we get..."Well we thought it would be the crowning jewel if we could get some police license plates and call it a night" I vaguely remember him loading up a toolbox..."so we went to the police station and snuck around and got 3 of them" ...this town only had 4 cruisers.."feeling like pros we went to the next town to get theirs but as we got the second one 2 cruisers pulled in with lights and we ran and jumped in the car" Long story short they had a brief chase, tried to ditch it in a driveway with the lights off to hide behind a rock wall, misjudged and hung the car up on the wall, bailed out and ran into the woods only to be stopped by a swamp. The other 3 gave up but my brother, God love him, crawled into the swamp and hid up to his eyeballs in the goo until the cops left with his friends, who never gave him up. He then proceeded to bushwhack his way 4 miles in shorts and sneakers back to my parents house where he had a swim, beer, and smoke and tell us the story as we rolled on the ground laughing. He wound up with head to toe poison ivy and to this day is severely allergic. He's a great brother, a good boy scout, and a fantastic father of 2 boys. The main reason i wrote this is to show his boys in a few years :)

I was at a party at my friends' place where for reasons unknown to me there was a young pig present - too old I'd say to be called a piglet, but also not super big. It started humping a leather armchair pretty forcefully, which everyone found hilarious...up to the point where the pig released this shrill squeal and busted its pig nut all over the chair. My friends didn't even throw that chair out afterwards.

I don't know when this happened, or what state/country, but at least where I live; if there's a(n) [attempted] rape going down, that will trump minor in possession/consumption, and the cops will take the guy and leave.

In high school I was at a party with some jock kids that I didn't usually hangout with too much. We were drinking in the woods near a giant bonfire in the winter and one big jock farm boy said, "You guys want to go hunting?" I explained how bad of an idea it was to walk around in the woods drunk. He then explained we would be hunting with rambo like knives. I was alright with that since I couldn't imagine a deer sticking around with a bunch of stumbling drunk guys walking through the woods. So we came to a brush area in the woods and the we rushed it from all angles and a deer came running out towards the big jock farm boy standing on the other side of a small creek and when the deer went to leap the creek so did he. They collided mid-air and then he proceded to stab the deer like a mad man, killing it. I couldn't believe this shit. They gutted it in the woods. We took it back to the bonfire where they would cut meat from the dear and cook it over the fire. It was the freshest meat I have ever eaten.

I had a friend who was notorious for blacking out at parties. Usually he was a friendly drunk, but every once in a while Mr. Hyde would come out to play. During a previous bout of drunken belligerence he had been banned from a local bar. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, after blacking out again at a party, we wound up at the same bar, drunken friend in tow. Bar staff recognize him, and after trying unsuccessfully to try to get him to leave, call the cops to have him arrested for trespassing. While he had refused to leave the bar, he was being a very friendly drunk nonetheless. When the cops arrive, he drunkenly but cheerfully greets them, and readily agrees to leave with them. As he is being escorted from the bar, he calls shotgun on the two officers. Apparently he had been friendly enough thus far, and they actually let him ride up front on the way back to the station, while the other cop sat in the cage in back.

TL:DR Friend gets arrested, is friendly to cops and calls shotgun, gets to ride up front. Did not expect to see that ever happen.

I asked two police officers for a ride home when I was shmammered in my college town. They agreed. When we arrive, the cop-driver gets out to open the back door since I can't open it from the inside. I say "OOOohohoo. What a gentleman!"

My phone died one time downtown, I lost my debit card, and I lost all my friends. I decided I would attempt to walk the roughly 3 miles home stumbling drunk. A lady cop pulled up next to me about a mile into the walk and asked me what I was doing. I told her don't worry my phone died and I'm walking home. She asked where that was and when I told her she demanded that I let her drive me home. I would've had to walk through a pretty sketchy area of town at about 4 am drunk with no money and no ability to call anyone. After struggling to direct her to my house, I forgot she was a cop and tried to pay the Taxi. I had 3 dollars and no debit card. I tried to give her the $3 and she refused multiple times, told me to have a good night, and watched me get into the house. I woke up to my closet door on the ground, my mattress about a foot off the box springs, and my printer upside down. It took all day to piece together what happened and a good amount of ibuprofen to boot.

I got arrested once and was so nice to the cops that they never put me in a cell, and bought me pizza. They were joking around trying to fingerprint me because I'm very tall, have freakishly long fingers, and they just couldn't get the prints to work right so they made me promise not to commit anymore crimes. Then they let me hang out in the front office with them, uncuffed and just sitting around. They ordered pizza and asked what I wanted. I said the only things I didn't like were mushrooms and peppers. So they ordered a pizza with extra mushrooms and peppers and told me I didn't get to pick toppings, I was in jail.

Being arrested was one of the funnest days I've had.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!, and no I'm not telling you what I was arrested for. I like to let the mystery endure.

Back in high school, a guy at s party I was at was really drunk, so his sober "buddy" decided to play a brutal prank on him. He went up to the bathroom and filled an empty beer bottle with piss. Then he brought it back down, and offered it to the drunk guy as his next beer. Sure enough, drunk guy pounds it back, not even wondering why it was warm. Meanwhile, the sober guy heads back to the bathroom and fills ANOTHER bottle with piss. Again, the drunk guy pounds it back, totally oblivious. He even said at one point "man, this beer tastes like piss". The drunk guy didn't find out for several years later. I still want to vomit everytime I think about that night. Sorry for spelling... On my phone.

I was once at a small house party, probably 30-40 people there. It wasnt a very loud evening, everyone was more or less relaxed. I was casually talking with these two girls and another guy about who-gives-a-crap, when he started laughing uncontrollably. I dont think anyone had even told a joke, the guy just spontaneously burst out laughing. We chuckle nervously, and suddenly, the guy's anus explodes. And I mean, just explodes. He shit himself so bad that he literally was pushed forward by the force of his fecal matter rapidly escaping his innards like rats from a sinking ship.

You know in submarine movies, when theres a leak, and the doors are shutting, and the water is flowing in like a fire-hydrant? Or have you ever seen an oil-derrick spew raw oil into the sky? Or seen a Blue Whale surface and jettison air and water fifty feet up? Or visited Old Faithful in Yellow Stone National Park? Or tore open an above-ground pool? Or seen videos of a mudslide, destroying entire neighborhoods in its wake? Or witnessed the eruption of an active volcano?

None of that compares to the force at which this dude sprayed that entire party with his Taco Bell fueled nightmare.

Now, you must be thinking, "totallynotsquidward, this guy had to have been wearing pants and underwear. No way does he shit through clothing!" And he was. While most of the shit was directed downwards, the force was so great that it flowed above his waistband, spraying onto the ceiling, and forcing his pants down off his waist , revealing his ever-spewing rectum.

All was quiet for about 10 seconds, before a girl, who was covered with chunky-bits, quietly uttered to herself, "holy shit..."

He passed out, I believe an ambulance was called, and people resorted to hosing themselves off rather than wait for the shower.

While the house may be a calm home of a family of 5 now, every time I drive by, I am reminded, that, for a few seconds, this place was Armageddon.