What Does Your University Degree Say About You?

“Geography students love rocks. And flags. They take holidays just to see landforms.”
“And they will explain those landforms to their companions.”
“Always.”
“Geography students are very friendly people.”
“They want to have children just so they can make those exploding papier-mâché volcanoes with them. Which is a great reason.”

“Medics are exceptionally good drinkers.”
“It’s because they know exactly how much abuse a liver can take, and are determined to test this theory.”
“Medics will be the most likely to try and steal glasses from a pub. Also, they don’t sleep. Because workload.”
“Most people I know who do medicine are the last people I would trust to keep me alive. (Having said that, I’m still super grateful. Thanks, doctors!)”

“Engineering students will happily put your IKEA Billy bookshelf together.”
“And they know the best way to chill beers very quickly. This annoys the physicists, but everybody else loves them.”
“Lots of them run triathlons for fun.”
“Oh, and they’ll probably end up being pretty much the richest people you’ll ever meet. Bastards.”

“All the really friendly girls from school studied Dentistry. I think they just want to make a difference, even if it’s small and tooth-based.”
“They’re essentially doctors mixed with miners.”
“They’d be sincerely happy for their crush to be in a happy relationship with someone else.”
“They would cook a meal for their crush and the person their crush is dating. They’re that selfless.”

“Everyone who does Travel and Tourism is very, very tanned.”

“People who study Computer Science are very popular because people always need their Wi-Fi fixing.”
“Though they hate fixing people’s Wi-Fi.”
“But they all end up with much cooler jobs than all the people who bullied them when they were 12.”

“I feel like Maths students did not sign up for the the level of sheer weirdness that a Maths degree entails, and it’s slightly broken them.”
“They often take an extra few seconds to get jokes.”
“There is always one insanely hot person in any maths class.”
“And you can tell they’re slightly sad that most of their classmates are the kind of people who wear walking boots to lectures.”

“Nursing is made up of girls who will always hold your hair back when you puke. And boys who like those girls.”
“They actually have to get a good night’s sleep so can’t act like real students. They’re always tired. Kind and tired.”

“People who do Law have those pencils you have to add bits of lead to.”
“They take pub arguments way too seriously.”
“And their voices could be described as ‘booming’.”
“Also, they really like telling people the law at inopportune times, but then when people actually ask what the law is, they suddenly become very shy.”
“I think they get very annoyed with people who just did a conversion course.”

“Business Studies students love PowerPoint presentations. Love them. They know all the special effects, like making the text appear one word at a time.”
“They’ve read Steve Jobs’s autobiography twice. They think he founded Microsoft.”
“They have aggressive haircuts, and are very keen on ‘minimalist design’ (which basically just means white bookshelves).”
“Secretly they’re still using their A-level textbooks.”
“And yet, somehow, they’ll be inexplicably successful.”

“People who picked Media Studies have no clue why they’re there. They meant to pick Marketing. Probably.”
“Don’t tell anybody, but they find the course actually teaches them useful things.”

“Philosophy students had hoped for a better world when they began their course. Now they know there is no hope. But at least they can explain that concept in German.”
“Lots of them are actually German.”
“Or could pass for German in an identity parade.”
“They’ll often go weirdly vacant when you’re in the pub, and you’ll ask them if they’re OK, and they’ll sigh, and look like they’re going to try to explain, and then they just shake their head and sigh again.”

“Mostly wannabe ministers do Theology.”
“The men are weirdly intense. They look at you like Kevin Spacey in Se7en. ”
“But the girls are all dreamy Buddhists in floaty dresses.”

“Psychology students = serial killers. Maybe.”
“They like to think that they can understand you after the first term, but actually are transferring all their crap on to you.”
“Dating a psychology student is a nightmare. ‘I’m quite upset you were an hour late for our date.’ ‘But what are you really upset about?’ ‘That. That’s exactly what I’m upset about.’ ‘Hmmmmmm.’ *strokes chin*”
“Imagine being the parent of a first-term psychology student at Christmas. ‘MUM, WHY DID YOU GET ME SOCKS YOU KNOW THAT REGRESSES ME.’”

“The most normal of all the science students are Biology students.
“You could take a Bio student to a wedding where they didn’t know anybody and it would be fine.”
“Lovely people. Make a cracking cup of tea.”
“Although they do sometimes mutter ‘interesting’ during sex.”
“And also after. Which is even more disconcerting.”

“Physics students struggle with basic life skills. They make logical decisions, yet stuff just doesn’t work, and then they just sort of stare at the thing they broke like a dog trying to read a Haynes manual.”
“Gentle. Like donkeys.
“They keep it quiet, but Physicists can party so very, very hard.”
“I imagine they get quite excited when shots in bars are served out of test tubes.”
“No, that’s Chemists.”

“I imagine Chemistry students get quite excited when shots in bars are served out of test tubes.”
“They’re very smiley, because they’re worried that everyone thinks they’re trying to poison people. Which ironically just makes them seem more like poisoners.”
“They love Breaking Bad because it’s got science in.”
“But they hate people who base all science on Breaking Bad.”

“Agricultural Scientists are farmers who aren’t ready to take on the family farm yet.”
“They all play rugby and are incredibly buff.”

“All English students are unreasonably attractive.”
“If you date them, they send you poetry in texts.”
“I think they used to read for fun but their degree has made them hate it.”
“There’s always a mature student who sits at the front and just wants to talk about Margaret Atwood.”
“They’re constantly imagining they’re somewhere else.”
“Daydreamy fuckers.”

“History students are like English students, but genuinely interested in having a conversation with you.”
“They realised in their first year that they actually have basically no lectures, so just started living a normal adult life.”
“They subscribe to The Economist, but don’t read it.”
“Yes, and they like making jokes about the Danegeld.”

“Ever tried to split a bill with an Economics student after a date? Hours of fun.”
“I feel like every opinion you have about news will be countered by them. They’ll probably be right but you won’t understand why.”
“They’re the kind of people who try to lifehack things that simply cannot be lifehacked.”
“Good dancers, though. Unexpectedly sensuous moves.”

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“Land Economists are people who have inherited a lot of land and need to learn how to look after it.”

“Journalism students are constantly outraged, but seldom moved to act upon it.”
“They tweet. They tweet so so much. They’re always tweeting, mostly at each other.”
“And they have opinions on everything, which may or may not contradict each other.”
“They’re like an opinion tsunami. Overwhelming amounts of opinions.”

“Politics students love garden parties.”
“They either have posters of Che Guevara or Maggie Thatcher on their wall. Sometimes both, if they didn’t really listen in lectures.”
“Basically, they don’t care how, they just want to be in charge.”
“No other students are more likely to stand you up on a date. Except possibly Journalism students.”

“People taking Education are people who still want to do potato printing and worked out a way to justify doing it for a living.”
“They’re the kind of people who go to the zoo at the weekend instead of just getting drunk.”
“They all got their driving licence at 17.”
“Sensible. Have a life plan. Are executing it efficiently.”

“People only do Hospitality and Leisure because they’re trying to save the hotel that’s been in their family for generations but has fallen on hard times. A nasty property developer wants to take it over to turn it into a supermarket. Eventually they will have to put on a show in the space of a week in order to raise enough funds to stave off the property developer. The whole community will come together to help them and it will be a beautiful heartwarming moment.”
“…or they want to run a golf course.”
“One of the two, yeah.”

“People take Modern Languages because they saw the ‘Year Abroad’ option in the prospectus and made a snap decision.”
“They’re the kind of people who call themselves ‘travellers’, not tourists.”
“Most of them own several nice notebooks which they will never write in.”
“Yeah, hessian-bound hand-crafted notebooks. They think Moleskines are so mainstream.”
“They’re massive fans of Jean-Pierre Jeunet films, but not Delicatessen.”

“Music students probably put on an opera once and their parents came to see it.”
“Their hairstyles change drastically every four months and they’re always very happy when you notice. They have a lot of sex.”
“They’re having a great time because they know they’re about to be unemployed.”
“Really lovely people.”
“Which is why they have a lot of sex.”

“Some people who do Film Studies are secret geniuses who will make films that will change your life.”
“The rest are pretty stoned. This is the larger group.”
“They’re very insistent that Film Studies is actually a proper academic subject, and then write their thesis on Frozen.”
“Really good to have DVD nights with. Really terrible to go to the cinema with.”

“I never understand why people study Drama at university and not at drama school.”
“Because, like Film Studies, they bang on about it being an academic subject.”
“I imagine they’re good friends with their teachers.”

“Art and Design students are profoundly cool. Like, way too cool to speak to anyone else.”
“They have really well developed Etsy pages, obviously.”
“They have unnatural coloured hair, but not that red colour that most people with unnatural hair colours go for. More like blue. Or green.”
“You can see their nipples in the majority of their Facebook photos, but in a really classy way.”
“I’m pretty sure they are the best at sex.”

“Sociology students like to think that they are unlocking mysterious secrets that will give them the power to manipulate the masses.”
“Also, they take fancy dress very seriously.”

“You will definitely fancy at least one Art History student in your life.”
“They’re the kind of people who notice an error on a sign at an art gallery and write to the curator about it. And end up getting offered a job as a result.”
“They love being naked.”
“So much naked.”
“They have postcards of artworks instead of photos of their schoolmates on their walls.”
“Naked artworks.”