‘I’m not ashamed of my abortion’

IT’S been almost three years since I had my abortion, and I haven’t regretted it for a second.

I was 22, had a good job, and was living with my boyfriend of four and a half years when I discovered I was pregnant. From the outside it may have seemed like I was in a good situation to have a child; except for the fact there was no way I wanted one at that point in my life.

It was a dreary September day, and my period was late. I’d been on the pill for years, but decided to buy a pregnancy test to calm my nerves, not really suspecting I was pregnant, but checking just in case. I wanted the reassurance that could only be provided by peeing on a $17 plastic stick and waiting three minutes to see the one pink line indicating “not pregnant”.

Only there were two lines.

I called my boyfriend and burst into tears. I was in shock, and the only coherent thought running through my head was that there was no way I wanted a baby. I was 22, about to graduate university, and had so many plans for my life that were incompatible with a child. There were no questions in my mind, and I knew without a doubt that I wanted to have an abortion.

I’m not alone — statistics show that almost one in three women in Australia will have an abortion in their lifetime. Yet it’s taboo, and women are frequently shamed when they dare to discuss their terminations.

After a recent decision by the US House of Representatives to defund the main provider of abortions in America, Planned Parenthood, feminist and writer Lindy West decided to take a stand. She started the #ShoutYourAbortion hashtag on Twitter, encouraging women to speak about their experiences without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. There are thousands of tweets on the hashtag already, with brave, resilient women sharing their stories.

I had an abortion at 23 - a decision that allowed me and my two young ones to escape their abusive father #ShoutYourAbortion

Every woman’s story is different. And while some women feel sadness or regret about their choice, many are completely comfortable with their abortions. For me, it was unfortunate that I became pregnant in the first place, but the abortion itself was fairly unemotional. I had made peace with my decision, and didn’t feel sad or upset by the choice I had made for my body.

I chose to have a medical abortion, booked into the local Marie Stopes clinic, and waited the three weeks till my appointment with an anxious knot in my stomach. The day of the procedure my boyfriend and I went to the clinic, passing the religious protesters who stood outside the entrance praying. Maybe we didn’t look like we were there for an abortion, because they didn’t bother us.

Women are greeted (read: harassed) by anti-abortion protesters like this every day outside clinics in Australia.Source:News Corp Australia

In the waiting room, there were two other couples, both older than me and waiting patiently. I got called in to see the nurse, and had no hesitation or fear. The staff ran tests, asked questions about my medical history, and performed ultrasound to confirm the stage of my pregnancy, which I was not required to see. After this was done I was given the first RU486 pill to take to begin the medical termination. The next day I would take another pill at home, and 24 to 48 hours later I would no longer be pregnant.

I went home, made my favourite comfort foods and watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer DVDs. The next day I took the second pill, and felt noticeably relieved to know it would soon be over. Apart from some relatively mild pain, and a lot of blood, it was fine. I went to work on the Monday feeling happier and less stressed than I had since I bought the pregnancy test.

For a while, I felt guilty that I didn’t feel more. The rhetoric espoused by both anti-abortion and pro-choice campaigners led me to believe that it should have been a difficult decision, one I struggled with and agonised over. It was neither, and for a while I thought that made me abnormal. But I’ve never regretted my choice, and over time realised that while for some women an unplanned pregnancy does offer a difficult choice, for me it didn’t, and that’s OK.

In the end, with almost a third of women having an abortion in their lifetimes, we shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed and be quiet about them anymore. Only by talking about it can be break the taboo and ensure a safe and legal environment for any woman exercising her choice over her own body.

My abortion didn’t emotionally cripple me, or make me a monster. It wasn’t a large part of my life, just a medical procedure I had one Friday morning. I will continue to #ShoutMyAbortion and tell my story, and will never be made to feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty for the choice I made.