"Hotel California"

"Oat Cell Carcinoma"

The Lyrics

On a dark wretched FridayTooled in for some careLong spell of bronchitisCausing me to be scaredSputum red with persistenceI viewed the symptoms in frightMy breath was wheezy and the signs were grimI had to stop for a light

Wearing scrubs, they explored meI heard them wish me well With high-tech thingy's I was delvedThey stood bewildered and just couldn't tellThen they switched on a panelHad me glowing with raysThere were noises and a horrid roarMy doc emerged to say

"Well, chum, you've got oat cell carcinomaWhat an ugly case, (what an ugly case) - such an ugly wastePlenty of gloom with the oat cell carcinoma And your time is near, (and your time is near) - anytime, we fear"

My mind knew whiffing was riskySo thought my persuasive friends They plotted lots of pretty shifty ploys 'Bleep' all themHow I danced with the hazard Sweet cigarettes Some cancers dismemberSome lead to your death

So I called for the chaplain "Please bring me my lights" He said, "We haven't let that curse in here Since nineteen patients died" And still my choices appalling were dark and grayWaking up to go piddle in the night I could hear him say

Fear and disbelievingMy shrink complained in spite, and he said"We are all just visitors hereAll go home each night"And in a last ditch effortThey lathered and degreasedThey jabbed me with their sterile spikesBut I just can't get released

Last week of December, I was veg'ing in the wardI had a mind to pull the plug and to face my Holy Lord"Alas," said the night nurse, "We have orders to reviveYou can pass out anytime you like... but you can never die"

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Leo - You have that knack for brilliant syllable matching. This one kept me entertained all the way through. I didn't need to listen to the OS as I know this Eagles song all too well and it flowed flawlessly. Absolutely astounding performance. This is Am I Write! TMGLTM but esp liked:

So I called for the chaplain
"Please bring me my lights"
He said, "We haven't let that curse in here
Since nineteen patients died"

I know what carcinoma is but what the hell is the "Oat Cell" type? Is this for real or just something to bang against "hotel"? Doesn't matter - it works and that is where the bang for the buck is at.

Thanks all!!!
TJC: No, fortunately for me, this is not autobiographical.
Guy: Oat Cell Carcinoma really is a form of lung cancer. I noticed it several years back while trying find something else in the index of The Merck Manual. It stuck with me, because it seemed like such an odd thing to name a medical condition. If you want to learn more, there are some Wikipedia articles that describe it.

You really changed up the rhyming in the beginning, that threw me off a bit because the OS is one of those that you just kinda know by heart--it'd stretch it bit odd as written during singing, maybe it's just me. I don't know, this one was alright, though I have to be honest and say I didn't get much of a laugh out of it, sorry Leo.