Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Warped Reality

Seems like outrageous behavior, lack of self-control and poor decision making create more celebrities than talent these days. Want to be discovered? Film yourself doing something hilarious, daring, disgusting, disturbing or morally corrupt and you're liable to get your own reality show.

While there are a few nonscripted shows out there worth watching (Duck Dynasty, The Incredible Dr. Pol) the majority are far from any reality I would hope to expereince.

Plastic, fighting housewives? Not in my neighborhood. Seaside drunk guidos? Not interested. Talentless sisters pimped out to the media by their mom? Wouldn't want to hang with them. Guys with night vision goggles hunting squatches? Nah. I got shit to do.

Then, after "reality" hits, what do you do for more attention? Make a sex tape that gets leaked (wink-wink) to the Internet. I'm pretty sure if I ever saw myself having sex that I'd never have it again. But, if I ever WAS so inclined, I'd insist on body makeup, complimentary lighting and one of those blurry lenses that smooths everything out. (Madonna's people know where to get those.) Post production airbrushing would be a must.

Once you're a celebrity, the next step seems to be marketing your own fragrance. Fact: I'd rather smell like Marlboros and Cool Ranch Doritos than a Kardashian or a Jersey Shore strumpet.

Ring! Ring! Oh, who's that calling now that you're (in)famous? Why, Hugh Hefner of course! He wants to see you tastefully photographed gardening without panties or naked, spread eagle on a rock. Hef seriously creeps me out. Am I the only one who thinks he surely smells like ass rot and skank?

Celebrities of any origination must also canoodle. The paparazzi always catches them canoodling. I'm not quite sure what canoodling is, but it sounds like some kind of weird pasta fetish. I'm against it.

Reality? I'm much happier with my own than any I can watch on television.

About Me

I'm an artist with a masters in sarcasm. I loves me some vodka and I tend to use the F-word more than a "lady" should. I am childless by choice. The Hubs and I just never wanted children, so we didn't have any. No biggee.
However, our lives are not childfree by any means. Between those of relatives and friends, we have more than a few kiddos around. This works out great for the parents because we enjoy spending time with them and their kids. It works out even better for us because we can take the little boogers home when they aren't so much fun.
After 25+ years together, there's no one who can make me laugh more or who I'd rather share an adventure with than my Hubs. Thankfully, for some bizarre reason, he feels the same way about me. :)