30 June 2013

Dark roses

I find myself being in a small "changing" period of my life. I can feel some of my old interest fading away and new waiting to step in.
I started working. I moved. I turned 25. My life has a different rhythm but I haven't started dancing to it yet.
I've gotten a smaller amount of free time and I'm still in the phase where I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with it. Since I don't have the same amount of time to create my own things I want to understand if photographing or illustrating makes me most happy. I don't think I have to choose one, but sometimes I need to ask myself that question. One or the other always gets boring when I start to create for the people around me. Getting stuck on what I think my viewers want to see.
And I think I've done it with both... I need to get away from my path a little bit to clear my head. After all, I can't make copies of the same project my whole life :) I'm illustrating for the next years calendar in black and white but when the 12 illustrations are done I think I want to start creating more with color.
As for photography... and don't feel the desire to dress up as a princess anymore...haha, but I'm not sure yet what I feel a desire for. I still want that fairytale-like cosy feeling... but perhaps a bit more grown up.

5 comments:

I have followed your blog in many years and this is my advice: a little less self-portraits and more portraits of peoples around you would have been great. (Those pictures are beautiful.) Illustraitions in colors is also a great idea. I like best your illustraitions in colors.

After I left uni (where I had studied illustration and needed to be creative all the time) and started full time work (admin work that requires zero creativity unless you count colour coding spreadsheets!) I went through a period of several months where I just didn't really enjoy anything, and drawing felt more like a chore at the end of a long day. But finally things just clicked, I got used to my routine, and started feeling inspired again. I now find that I have more freedom; as I'm not creating for money but for love I can do whatever I feel like! I think sometimes we just need to take the pressure of ourselves!

Hi Hannah, thanks for the wise words :) I think you're right... I probably need to get into the new pattern of my life and then the photography and art will come to me naturally. Now I feel like I'm really forcing it to happen.

Most people who are transitioning into a new job - especially full-time - end up feeling the same way for a few months, even if you are in love with your job it can feel like it robs you of the time and space to be creative. My advice is to hang in there since a change will happen and you'll find that often you will be more inspired and productive with shorter bursts of time.

Moreover, be gentle with yourself. You are getting used to a new pattern with demands. Your interests will come and go and then come around again. The best thing to do as a means of consolation is to be nice to yourself and have lots of cake. :) Best wishes!

I'm in a very similar place to you right now and however much I feel the 'pressure' to get back to regular blogging/sharing of my work it just hasn't felt like a right time yet due to the very same reasons you describe here. On the other hand, it just feels right to be in this quiet place now and freely, without anyone watching, explore where I want to take my creative journey next.