REAL Dominant Women Who Live The Fetish Lifestyle in Real Time

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by Mistress Didi*

THE most important thing a Domme can do is to develop Herself – which means to develop Her own Self-Control (starting with avoiding being needy and focus on being choosey) because the truth about Control is there is only Self-Control = what you will and will not allow.

To ensure that You communicate clearly and present Yourself from a place of authority — which is something the new Domina can often have difficulty with — remember:

1) Please consider VERY carefully how you communicate. Choose your words carefully and monitor your tone. You don’t want to come across as desperate because that attracts trolls and worse;

2) Be careful of whom you trust. Most of these jokers talk a good game – especially when they believe that You don’t know any better. So, make them prove worthy of Your attention. This practice weeds out the fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers; and

These steps will offer You comfort and build Your confidence so that it is easier to pay attention to what is actually being said and offered, rather than getting carried away in the notion of “having submissives.”

A Gift from The Mistress Didi*

I conduct Mentoring and Training classes and workshops in person and via webcam. I’ve also created The Domina101™ Collective as an opportunity for Female Dominants to learn and share Life Knowledge, techniques, and general-how-to information from and with Quality Fetishists.

The following is a Domina101™ Mentoring Program Preparation Guide to assist You in becoming clear on Your goals so that You may clearly communicate them.

I encourage You to use My Rules as guidelines to develop and enhance Your own. Here are a few of My Tips to avoid some of the stupid, “substandard” games people play:

Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;

A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and

Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other. To enhance comprehension:

1) Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2) Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3) Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Click The Flyers To PARTICIPATE:

BECAUSE the average person is more interested in playing the “make-wrong game” than in truth, intelligence, logic, and – Universe knows – integrity (look at politics), that movie based on a silly book is going to cause problems — many problems – for the Fetish Community and for the population at large. When this movie comes out, there WILL be more stories of vanillas inuring and killing each other from “50 Shades-ing.” There WILL be crackdowns on Our events and re-zoning of communities where We rendezvous. There WILL be a lot of other annoyances and infringements on Our liberties. It is true that when popular books are made into movies, an entirely different strata of people flock to be easily, thoughtlessly influenced. So, you have a choice:

You can navigate through the foolishness that WILL come at you faster than a speeding bullet by every moron who suddenly has a fantasy that they want to be a Dominant/submissive/whatever and hope that you don’t waste too much time and deal with too much crazy; or

You can prepare yourself for the inevitable outcome of predictable stupidity.

While I’m busier than ever, Living My Joy and creating My Next Life Adventures, I want to raise funds for My Charities in the most efficient ways that I can at this time. It is also clear that the best way for Me to offer assistance to the many beyond My Ask Mistress Didi* Advice Blog is to conduct Webcam Workshops again. Since there are so many people who:

have financial/time/etc. constraints

have trust issues (with and without good reasons)

have ego battles, though they KNOW that what I offer is of Value to them

And since I have great sympathy for the vast majority of Fetishists who are “lost in the sauce of sleaze” and who cannot indulge in My ClassicFetish™ Excellence with Me in person, I am offering a one-time-only, SPECIAL DEAL:

Participate in a

Domina101™ Basics Webcam Workshop

Monday, September 15th, 8-9:30pm and Sunday, September 14th, 1-2:30pm

and/or

Superior submissive™ Basics Webcam Workshop

Tuesday, September 16th, 8-9:30pm and Saturday, September 13th, 1-2:30pm

It is important that when you make contact with me for consideration as a member of my household that you follow basic etiquette. Know that how you type, and the efforts you make or don’t make will indicate if you are a knowledgeable and polite person.

Read my entire profile and peruse my writings first. Make sure that you know what I am looking for so that you don’t waste your time or mine. If you are still not certain, please ask.

Be sure the Subject: field accurately reflects the content of your email. A few well-chosen words are all that are necessary.

Until we are well acquainted, avoid using abbreviations, such as IMHO (in my humble opinion) or TTYL (talk to you later). Don’t assume that I am familiar with them.

Emails with typos are simply not taken as seriously. Take time to spell and grammar check, if you expect me to take my time to read it.

Don’t over or under-use punctuation. It takes me that much longer to process what you are trying say.

If you are sending an attachment, make note of it and describe what the attachment is for in the body. I am very wary of attachments due to the threat of computer viruses.

Be sure that you understand the meaning of every word you use. There are too many Internet sources so you cannot claim ignorance or no resources.

Read your email out loud to ensure the feeling is that which you desire. I realize that it is challenging to capture nuances of mood and feeling with messages and will make some allowances. However, a few additions of the words “please” and “thank you” go a long way!

Never assume the intent of an email from me. If you are not sure – ask!

If your email is emotionally charged, walk away from the computer and wait to reply. Review my email again so that you are sure you are not reading anything into the email that simply isn’t there.

Don’t hesitate to say thank you, how are you, or appreciate your response and generally end your emails with something gracious.

Just because I don’t ask for a response doesn’t mean that I don’t expect one. Always acknowledge my emails in a timely manner. Three days is acceptable; seven to ten days if unable to sign on due to life-in-general issues.

Posting or forwarding of private email is downright rude. You need to request and receive my permission first!

1) I am very particular about how I want things done and design My plans for maximum efficiency and enjoyment. I do NOT wish to repeat Myself unnecessarily. I have a 3-strikes-you’re-out rule unless you offend Me in a heinous manner. I have patience for your evolution, but no tolerance for immaturity. I’m a Domme; not your mom.

a) I say things in a very, straight-to-the-point manner. If you’re one of those people who needs to be coddled, you will not be comfortable in My Domain.

2) THE most important thing to understand about My Domain is that Trust and Respect are given to and expected from all. My commitment is to evolving on personal, spiritual, and communal levels to enjoy the best that Life has to offer and that We can offer to Life as a Whole.

a) Don’t start none, won’t be none.

b) Offenders will be horribly punished in ways that are in no way enjoyable.

3) Instructions

a) A Domina Journal is REQUIRED for notes, instructions, etc. to be recorded. Your Domina Journal will serve as a reference and resource for excellence.

i) I recommend that you have a Travel Domina Journal and, in case you lose your travel journal, a Main-Domina Journal to keep at home to rewrite your notes of the day.

ii) Carry your Travel-Domina Journal at all times you are required to be in My presence, along with 2 writing utensils.

b) To ensure that instructions are fully understood, I will ask you to repeat them in your own words to ensure clarification.

c) If you are assigned a task that cannot be completed to My specifications for whatever reason:

i) Contact Me immediately for further instructions. Do NOT make decisions for Me.

ii) To avoid creating difficulties, DO NOT wait until the last minute to carry out tasks.

d) If you offer a suggestion, give full details – do not make work for Me and waste My time to have to ask for any more information to get to the next step

4) Responsibilities.

a) BE PREPARED ahead of time with instructions, location and directions, etc.

b) Show up when expected and be on time.

i) Call AND text Me immediately if you are unable to make any appointment with Me and/or concerning Me. This includes running late.

ii) ALWAYS identify yourself. NEVER dare to presume I should know who you are because of your phone number, email address, etc.

d) Loyalty. Do not share information about My Domain to anyone – period – without My express permission. Our relationship is unique and special to Us. Only those who are worthy will be invited to join Us.

5) Schedules. This is VERY important.

a) To make things easier on Us, you will receive an email reminder (from _____ and/or from Me) early Wednesday mornings to submit your schedule.

b) You are to provide your schedule (to the best of your ability) by using the form located at _______________________.

c) Weekly schedules are designed from Saturday through Friday and are due no later than 11PM on Thursday prior to the Saturday for the form you submit.

d) If there is a change to your schedule that may affect your service to Me, notify Me immediately via EMAIL (_________________) AND TEXT to _________.

6) Rewards

a) ALL rewards (Play, events, training, etc.) are earned. This is not a barter situation; your purpose is to serve My desires.

b) Best behavior is expected at all times. If you have an issue, you may discuss it with me with the goal of creating a solution. “Acting out” and other expressions showing lacks of self-control are grounds for dismissal.

i) Again, I’m a Domme; not your mom. I have no children by choice.

c) I prefer to reward and will not tolerate anyone who requires punishment of any kind. Dismissal will be imminent and public.

7) Training

a) The purpose for your training is to make My situations easier and My Domain more comfortable.

b) My goal is to offer you guidance to the fulfillment of your spirit, mind, and physical experience through your dedicated service to Me. It is your responsibility to discuss this process with Me as We go along.

c) If at any time you feel that your service to Me is not a good fit for you, you are expected to discuss it with Me. The intention is for Us both to be happy and evolving.

i) If We agree that your service to Me is no longer fulfilling, the goal is to move forward with good will for each Other.