Monday, October 2, 2017

Obviously none of us exist in a vacuum, and an important part of this journey is to understand ourselves and our position in the wide web of the world. A spread to mull over, the big picture spread provoked a lot of thought on the part I play in the world around me as well as its impact on me.

Central to the reading, I was surprised to find myself represented by the Queen of Pentacles. I wouldn't say that financial abundance has blessed me, but the aspects of being grounded, strong and firm as an oak—certainly. She is a Queen willing to give of herself and help others. Her abundance is more than wealth, and she shares freely. In a reading many moon ago by a professional reader, she told me that I poured too much of myself out without those that I gave of myself to returning what I've given. She told me that this constant giving always left me empty and unfulfilled, mostly because I was looking to have my cup refilled by the wrong party. I expected the people to whom I gave of myself to return the favor. She reminded me that most people don't have enough of themselves (spiritually) to fill their own cups, let alone share. I needed to look to the divine to find my fill. The Queen of Pentacles is able to give without losing herself, and I feel that this is an indication that my spiritual work has brought me in the right direction.

To my left if the reversed 8 of Swords for family, and to my right is a reversed 3 of Wands for my lover. Family has always been a tricky business and a source of feelings of being stuck. The more I struggled against them, the worse it was. Over time I have been slowly navigating the tangled briers to freedom. As for my boyfriend, there is no guessing our path forward or waiting for our time to come. We have a plan for a future and we are moving toward it sure-footedly.

To the furthest left from my card is the world reversed signifying my culture or society. I feel appearing reversed, this card indicates that I have unfinished business in the world... or perhaps the world has some unfinished business with me. I don't truly have a 'group' or 'society' that I run with, though I am slowing growing friends among the online tarot community. Perhaps there is more for me to do, more work to become part of something.

Furthest right in the position of my helper, the 8 of Cups appears. I felt some initial uncertainty about how this card could indicate a helper. I was finding myself particularly short on answers as I've become increasingly cloistered over the last few months. A great suggestion from within my Discord tarot community was that this helper is something internal. Something that allows me to cut away and leave behind the things that no longer serve me. Suddenly it dawned on me—endarkenment. I feel I have been moving closer to the Dark Goddess, and as we know, the closer you draw to her, the more you must leave behind to be ready.

The bottom-most row contained my ancestors (left) and guides (right). It makes sense to me that my ancestors appear as the 10 of Wands, supporting the world built on top of them. I also see it as a call to continue my studies and build a greater understanding of their belief systems. In addition, honor them more actively. The Fool yields its exuberance to my Guides, an energy of bounding forth as though we have never been burned.

The top-most row consisted of Earth/Nature, my higher self, and humankind respectively. My higher self is the energy of the Page of Cups. As I mentioned earlier, another reader once said I was pouring myself out. With this page appearing, I believe it is saying I am beginning to learn the way of grounding myself in order to allow the current of emotion and intuition pass through me. The Queen of Cups fills the role of Earth/Nature, and I believe it is a promise of the energy I can eventually embody if I continue to connect with the world and root myself deep in the now. Particularly in the time when humankind shows up to the party as the Chariot reversed. The people of the world are torn down the middle, and amid this chaos it will take much work to remain calm and centered.

And with that folks, I bid adieu for the night. This spread felt much like performing surgery on myself, and I have one last night of this work to go before we return to a regular programming.