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If A Man Tells You Any Of These Lines, Run

It doesn’t matter how much of a gentleman he has been up until that point: if a man you’re getting to know at a bar, on a date, or online says any of these lines,run — before he breaks your heart, or gives you the overwhelming urge to slap him.

I could never date a woman who earns more than I do

So essentially, this man’s sense of self-worth, his sense of having an equal hand in a relationship, his sense of being a man completely goes out the window when your salary exceeds his. It wouldn’t just bother him a little to not be able to treat you to nicer things. He is saying he could not stand to have a woman make more money than he does. Forget if she is happy in her career: if it makeshim unhappy, he’s out of there. Pretty selfish when you think about it that way.

I banged this one chick

Don’t trust guys who say banged in seriousness. Plenty of guys use that term jokingly, but men who use it in casual conversation, in lieu of “hooked up with” or “slept with” have pretty degrading views of women. Think about that word: “banged.” It implies asserting complete control over something, it can even imply causing pain to something, and it implies doing something rapidly then moving on. Gee. What a romantic.

I don’t find women funny

Science has actually found a connection between a sense of humor and intelligence. That study helps us make a quick connection to this next point: men who say women aren’t funny are essentially saying women are not smart. To be funny you need to be astute, to pick up on subtle, unspoken connections happening around you, to analyze people. A man who says a woman isn’t funny is saying that a woman can’t do those things.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

Anyone who actually uses this saying as a license to cheat on their significant other, get arrested for indecent exposure, pick up a street walker, and gamble away money is someone who is looking for excuses to behave poorly. And they’ll look for them Vegas or no Vegas.

I don’t like to use condoms

This is not an excuse not to use one! I mean, try a little harder like, “I just got all my test results back and they were negative” or “I’ve never had unprotected sex before.” I’m not saying a women should consent to not using a condom for those reasons, but at least it shows that you don’t think you’re completely entitled to putting a woman at risk of painful and even deadly illnesses, all because you don’t “like’ to use condoms. Sorry, do you also not like the crusts left on your sandwich little boy?

My girlfriend/wife just doesn’t understand me

Philandering men love to appeal to a woman’s sensitive side when looking for a hookup. They know women like to analyze and “understand” people and when they hear those little magic words, “My wife doesn’t understand me…” it’s like a challenge to understand the guy. And somehow, in the process, he can try to seduce you. If this guy actually cared about his marriage/relationship he wouldn’t be out telling strangers in tight dresses about his problems: he’d be at home fixing them.

She was such a H*

Are some women, well, slutty? Yes. Does anything good come of calling them so? No. Only a very angry man—typically with anger against women in general—openly calls his ex girlfriend a “wh*re.”

It’s just not something I liked to do

If this is a man’s reasoning for not doing something for his ex girlfriend, that was important to her, run. It’s like the “I don’t like using condoms” line. So…that’s it? You just don’t like to do it? It wouldn’t have harmed you in any way tohave done it, it definitely hurt your ex’s feelings that you didn’t do it, and yet, you still didn’t. All to avoid doing something you “didn’t like” to do.

So I just stopped answering her calls

Another non-communicator on your hands. You know all those guys who broke your heart and made you feel like you didn’t matter when they just stopped responding to your texts and calls? Well just because this particular guy didn’t do that to you, he is still one of them! He is the type who will avoid confrontation and open communication at all costs, even if that means making a woman think she’s done something wrong when she has not.

You won’t take shots with me? Lame

No buddy, what’s lame is you still think you’re in the frat house. Why is it lame a woman doesn’t want to take a profuse amount of shots with you? Because she wants to get a good night’s rest because she actually cares about her health? Because she wants to be a safe driver? Because she doesn’t want to be hung over at work because she actually cares about her job? Hmmm…starting to think that what’s lame is that you, sir, do not care about any of those things. And you’re in you 30’s or older. Enjoy managing a Sizzler forever.

FML, LOL, ROLF

Men who can’t speak like grownups are not grownups. It’s okay to occasionally—jokingly—speak in Twitter jargon. But a guy who speaks like this regularly, and seriously, probably also still drinks too much during the week and “bangs” chicks.

This one time I kicked this guy’s a**

Good for you. Your intelligence has not exceeded that of a Neanderthal’s. The thing you are most proud of is being able to throw a punch, something cavemen could do. God forbid you, oh, I don’t know, be a human being and control your animal instincts and use wit or words to assert your authority. Oh that’s right—you have no wit. That’s why you’re cranky and punching people.

I got hookups all over town

If a guy is telling you how he could get you into the busiest clubs, get you a tableright now at the most sought after restaurant, and introduce you to a celebrity this means two things: A) He is proud of some pretty stupid stuff and B) He is a major partier/playboy!