Thursday, January 30, 2014

During our last vacation to India,
we visited Madurai.We have never been to Madurai before.So it was fascinating.Some facts about Madurai.

Madurai
is more than 2500 years old.

It is the 2nd largest city in Tamil Nadu, next only to
Chennai. (Sorry Coimbatore.
You may be the 2nd largest metropolitan city.)

It is said that once it was the seat of Tamil learning.

This city was planned and built in shape of a lotus. (BJP
influence? No no. Not 2500 years ago.)

There are so many tourist attractions.Since we stayed only for 2 days, we could visit
only 4 places.

MeenakshiammanTemple.It is believed Lord Indra constructed this
temple.This temple was destroyed by
Malik Kafur.It was rebuilt by the
second Nayak King, Thirumalai Nayak, in 1623.It was in the list of top 30 nominees for the “new 7 wonders of the
world”.

Thirumalai Nayakkar Mahal.This palace was built around 1626 AD by King Thirumalai Nayak.
Architecture is a combination of Dravidian and Islamic styles.There is a light and sound show in the
evening narrating the story of Silappathikaram, both in Tamil and English
languages.We were kind of disappointed
because we had too much expectations.We
somehow thought it would be something similar to Musical Fountain show in
Akshardham in New Delhi.

Aayiram Kaal Mandapam (1000 Pillar Hall).This was built in 1569. An engineering
marvel.It is said each pillar, when
struck, produced different musical notes.Over the years it has lost that ability.

MuruganTemple in Thiruparamkundram.This is the first and foremost temple for
Lord Muruga in India.This is the first veedu (camp) of Lord
Muruga’s AarupadaiveeduAarupadaiveedu
means six battle camps for Lord Muruga.

Finally, how can you leave Madurai without drinking Jigarthanda.I am told it means cooling of heart.Very famous in Madurai.It is supposed to cool your body and heart during summer.So we ordered not one but 2 large glasses for
each of us.Tasted good. I don’t know if it
cooled our body and heart.But it sure
did raise our sugar level.

Here are a few photos.(I could not take any photo inside MeenakhammanTemple and Aayiram Kaal Mandapam because
the week before our visit, there was some bomb blast in Hyderabad.Therefore, they prohibited any camera temporarily for 10 days.If they banned cameras permanently I can live
with it. I do not understand the logic
of temporarily banning cameras in Madurai for 10
days as a result of a bomb blast in Hyderabad.)

There is a saying in Tamil “Kumbakonathil
idi idithaal Kutralathil mazhai peyyum”.In my English translation, I will change the names of the cities for
betting understanding.Here goes: If
there is a thunder in Ahmedabad, it will rain in Allahabad.Same way – Bomb blast in Hyderabad,
ban cameras for just 10 days in Madurai. That too, only during our visit.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Ah yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Winter Olympics are
finally here. Starting on February 7, 2014 and ending on February 23, 2014
the XXII Winter Olympics will be held at Sochi,
Russia.For those of you who are Roman Numerically
challenged, XXII is the same as 22.

Speaking of the number 2, do you know what a bathroom stall
looks like at the Olympic games next month in Sochi? Look below:

This is the double-toilet stall in the men’s
room at the Sochi Winter Olympics.

(Courtesy: Yahoo)

Everybody, Somebody, oh what the heck – ANYBODY Please tell
me what the hell is going on here?

What is the purpose of having two toilets in the same room
without some sort of divider/wall/barrier?This absolutely baffles me.

Here are some of my thoughts after seeing this:

This is for those happy couples who have to do EVERYTHING
together.They can’t stand (or sit) to
be separated.

Russia “only got” 50 billion
dollars to make the Olympics happen so you know they had to cut corners and
save money (and some politician had to make FAT money on this deal).Therefore here is the result of cost
cutting.And you thought India was bad
for cutting corners.

You know that you are always being watched in Russia, so one
toilet is for you and the other one is for the military police.You get no privacy!Anywhere!

Perhaps this is a new sport at the
Olympics.Synchronized bowel movements.
Would prefer that it be played at the Summer Olympics though.It’s gotta be brutal to go through this at
freezing temperatures.

Russia is known for trying to reward the
lower walks of life.Perhaps this new Olympic
sport – the defecathalon (similar to decathalon) is the only sport where
someone can get a gold medal for a “crappy performance”.

Why is there a trash can in the middle of the two
toilets?Why is there no toilet
paper?Exactly how is this supposed to
work?Oh my…I just vomited a little bit.

I guess I can be positive and say - Thank God they are not facing
each other. Or built like the pic below:

Thursday, January 16, 2014

(This
post is a tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor.This is not a serious post.Therefore, please do not come out with merits and demerits of the
issue.)

Due to the Devyani Khobragade
incident, the government of India
is now in the process of taking away “non-reciprocated privileges” for American
diplomats in India.This includes taking away special airport
access for American diplomats.India is also going after spouses of U.S. diplomats,
who are working in American schools, for tax evasion.

If India takes retaliatory action, do
you really think that the Americans will accept this and remain quiet?Of course not - they will also retaliate.

I know Barack Obama.Barack Obama is a friend of mine.He asked me for ideas on how to retaliate
against Indians living in the USA.Here is what we discussed:

Indian diplomats in the USA enjoy having
24 hours of electricity.However, American
diplomats in India
do not have electricity for 8 hours a day.Therefore, the American government will now cut off electricity for 8
hours a day in the homes and offices of Indian diplomats living in America.

Indian diplomats in the USA enjoy
having a water supply that is non-stop.However, American diplomats in India have water in their taps only
every other day.Therefore, the American
government will now turn off the water supply to the homes and offices of
Indian diplomats every other day.

India
does not give H1B visas for Americans to work in India.Therefore, H1B visas will stop being issued to
Indians.People who are already in the USA on an H1B
will be made into US citizens so they will never have to work for an Indian
company in the future.

Unleash the IRS (Internal Revenue
Service) to go after the non-working H1B visa dependents.These dependents baby-sit, teach music to
kids, teach dance lessons, or teach language and they collect money but never
pay taxes.Go after them for income tax
evasion.

Raid all the gas stations, 7-11
stores, as well as Indian operated restaurants/hotels/motels for undocumented
illegal workers and deport them back to the motherland.

Hire thousands of people across India to shout
pro American slogans and create traffic jams.All you need to give them is a quarter (bottle of rum), a briyani
packet, and Rs.200 per person.

Not all American movies are
released in India
simultaneously.However, a lot of Indian
movies are released simultaneously in the USA.Restrict the number of Indian movies each
month only to the number of American movies released in India.For example, if 5 American movies are
released simultaneously in India
in a month, then allow only 5 Indian movies to be released simultaneously in
the USA.Americans will not have a problem with it
because all American movies are in English.Let the Indians fight it out as to which languages the 5 movies will
represent.

Direct all Indian diplomats in the
USA
not to shout at their household maids “I want my curry in a hurry”.

If you have any other ideas,
please let me know and I will forward them to my friend Barack.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Because it is winter and due
to time change to Pacific Standard Time, it becomes very dark in the evenings
in California.In the streets, 7 PM looks and feels like
midnight.

Yesterday evening, my wife
gave a list of groceries to buy and asked me to go to Safeway (a grocery store
chain).So, at about 8:20 pm, I leave my
house in my SUV.After 5 minutes of
driving, I stop at the STOP sign.It was
pitch dark.No one was in the
street.No pedestrian.No other car.Still, I came to a full stop. Then proceeded to drive.

I could immediately see in my
rear view mirror a police car.But he
did not flash his headlights which is an order for me to stop my car.Therefore, I kept driving.I knew he was after me because he did not try
to overtake me.He followed me for a
full 2 minutes.Then, flashed his car’s
headlights.

I then pulled my car to the
right and stopped my car.My hands on
the steering wheel all the time.That is
what required when the police stops you.In USA,
police officer will take about 5 minutes to get out of his car and approach
you.He will not get out of his car
immediately.In those 5 minutes, he will
get all the details about the car and its owner from his computer through your
car license plate number.

He got out of the car.The police officer is more afraid of you than
you afraid of him.He walked slowly and
stopped at the back seat of the opposite side (right side). He had a flash
light and asked me to roll down the back right side window.I roll down the window.Now he sees me and confident I am not a
criminal with a gun and therefore comes to the front seat at the passenger
side.Asked me to roll down the
window.I did.Here is the conversation:

(Google Image)

Officer:Sir, do you know why I stopped you?

Me:I don’t know.

Officer: Sir, at the stop sign, you did not stop your
car behind the line.Your car stopped
after crossing the line.

(My mind was thinking – What
the F? Is this a big crime? Have you been waiting in the cold dark night just
to catch me crossing the line and stopping my car at the stop sign? Hey, you
should be happy that I did stop my car at the stop sign.) (But my brain is
saying – Don’t show your smartness to the police officer.If he wants to, he can give you all sorts of
trouble.)

Me:Is that so officer?I am sorry I did not notice that.I will be careful in the future.

Then he gave a 3 minute
lecture about how these laws are for my own safety.

Officer:Sir, can I see your Driver’s License.

I gave him my Driver’s
License.He said please wait and I will
be back.He goes to his car to check if
I have any arrest warrant against me.He
comes back after 3 minutes and gives my driver’s license back.

Officer: Please drive safely
and that too in this weather.Where are
you going? Any drinking plans today?

Me:I am going to Safeway.I don’t know if I have a drinking plan or
not.

Officer:You can go now. Please be careful.

I start my car and go to
Safeway – cursing him all the way.At
the same time happy that he did not give me a ticket.Just a warning and lecture only.If he had given a ticket, that would be
considered a “moving violation” and raise my car insurance fees.

Monday, January 6, 2014

We all do stupid things when
we’re younger and then laugh about it later. Right?I’ll admit that I did
something stupid a few months after I got married.

I had a Tamil Brahmin friend (guy
named R) who was in love with a Bengali Brahmin (girl named P).Back in the day, a Tamilian marrying a
Bengali was not easily accepted by the parents.My friend had a lot of confidence that he could convince his parents to
accept his decision.The problem however,
would be convincing the girl’s dad.

One day my friend went to the
girl’s house to meet her father at their home.He expressed his desire to marry P.Now P’s dad is a straight up gentleman.Instead of yelling at my friend or kicking his butt out of the house, he
told my friend R to bring some elders from his family.He said the elders from both families will
discuss the issue and decide.

Now the ball is in my friend’s
court.He has to take an “elder” from
his family to talk to P’s dad.The
problem is that my friend has not yet told his own family anything about his
love for P.Therefore he’s unsure on
which elder to take from his family.

So what did he do?He asked ME if I could come to meet P’s dad
and represent myself as R’s uncle.I
said: Who?Me?As your uncle?Dude, you and I are the same age. Who on
earth would ever believe that I am your uncle?

My friend said, here’s the
plan.“My girlfriend P will let her dad know that I’m bringing my youngest
uncle.My uncle is the youngest of 11
children and R’s mom is the oldest.Therefore they’ll appear to be around the same age.”

But still why ME?His answer was that I was the only married
guy in our group of friends…so I was the chosen one. And of course like an
idiot, I agreed to do this.

So one evening my friend and I
go to P’s house.Her father welcomed us
in and offered us tea and biscuits.He
asked me for my name and what I did for a living.Here is where I made the mistake.I told him my real name and where I really work.I also told him that I got married recently.He then talked about some problems associated
with inter-state marriages, different customs and culture, different food
habits, problems with raising kids, etc. etc.

I had absolutely no interest
in what he was saying.I just went there
to help out my friend and his girlfriend.While the dad was talking, my eyes were wandering around the house.I saw a room that was partially open.I could see P was listening to our
conversation intently.When we exchanged
glances, she could tell by my facial expression that I really didn’t want to be
there but I could see her expression and it was “thank you soooo much for doing
this for us.”

A few days later…

Well it seems that P’s dad
works at an office and has a best friend there whom he tells his problems
to.P’s dad said that his daughter loves
a Tamil guy and he is unsure about what to do.He said that he even met his R’s young uncle to get more perspective
about R’s family and potential issues.

That office friend then asked
for more details about this young uncle.P’s father told him the details.The
office friend then said, don’t believe these guys.They are trying to scam you. I know this young uncle.He is my nephew. He has no sisters.He’s not the youngest of 11 children.And he certainly is not R’s uncle.

Later that night P called me
and told the whole story and wept on the phone.There was absolutely nothing I could do to fix this.

Epilogue: A few months after
that incident, my wife and I came to the USA.Two months later we received their marriage
invitation.Last year, they (R and P and
their 2 grown kids) visited us in California.I was narrating this incident to the 2
children. R just listened, smiled
throughout and laughed it off.P was blushing
non-stop, still a little embarrassed as she just ran out of the room before I
could finish the story.