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Tonight, Fox unveils the Kiefer Sutherland drama Touch, about a 10-year-old boy who can’t connect with other people. In the same time slot, MSNBC is premiering a similar show, about a 64-year-old presidential candidate with the same tragic problem. Here’s hoping that one of these productions gets the axe come November.

The 2012 Oscar nominations were announced today with the award ceremony scheduled for February 26. While who will capture the coveted Irving Thalberg Award remains as unpredictable as ever, here are some other things you can pretty much already see coming up the red carpet...

We've now offered Idiotical readers twoopportunities to figure out what will be on our next cover. We have provided cropped images. We have provided hints. But still, the answer eludes you!
Let's review:

Fresh on the heels of last night’s CNN debate, where moderator John King asked Newt Gingrich about allegations that he wanted an open marriage, and Gingrich responded with a blistering charge that the liberal media was attacking him while protecting Obama, this explosive newspaper appeared on newsstands this morning. We always thought the former House Speaker was an egotistical, paranoid blowhard. And after reading this, we’re more convinced than ever.

Today’s superb Spy custom not only celebrates the 50th Anniversary of the Spies, but ALSO heralds a brand new season of Archer on FX! This superb Sterling-esque Spy was done by two members of the Archer staff, Thomas Weiser and Casey Willis — complete with gun and…ping pong paddle. Kinky!

Today, Mitt Romney's campaign released a new Blu-ray set aimed at the children of potential voters. It’s considered a brilliant political move. Even if Romney doesn’t win this time around, the set will position him well for the 2024 election, when all these kids are of voting age.

Recently video was (ahem) leaked of four Marines urinating on the corpses of Taliban fighters. (And they said waterboarding was bad!) Having never been on the battlefield, we’ll reserve final comment. But on the surface it certainly looks as if the Marines were “going” down the wrong path with this. In a related development, there are unconfirmed rumors that two of the Marines have just signed deals to act as spokesmen for Flomax.