To Face My Future I have to Face My Past

Tag: religion

Yes there are pros and cons with religion, but right now I’m feeling a lot more “cons”.

Faith, believe, patience, long suffering, missions and on and on is what my mom feels like she has to endure. Why can’t she feel like she can have happiness? Wtf is she waiting for????

I told her a few years back that she can move with me. Why is she so busy worried about what EVERYONE else thinks?

1. It’s nobody’s business what I do in my house.

2. She’s done enough labor and her children want to take care of her.

I don’t understand what she’s thinking. She told me she thought she was going to get a professor job with the school she’s working with. To be honest… I don’t think so. If she was, she would’ve gotten it a long time ago when she first got there because of her “religious credentials”.

Right now she’s with my sister, and my sis no longer wants to be there. My Mom Does not need to be there by herself!!! –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

In the past month weeks I’ve heard of several deaths and illnesses from friends and family. Yesterday 1 and today another. I feel like the universe is telling me something. It’s an overwhelming feeling. I need to write. I need to write NOW. This book needs to be released and “he” needs to read it.

Found out he got married a couple days ago. After so many woman he’s been engaged to and left, he finally did it. I doubt that he’s a changed man, but maybe she can soften him up to read it or she can read it to him every night as a bedtime story. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

It’s really getting scary these days. I’m looking at a lot people around me experience their parents pass away. Their children are going to grow up without living grandparents. The ones who’s parents haven’t passed, they have illnesses. It’s so sad.

I’ve felt that the only way I can talk to my father is after he reads my book. I feel really strongly about that. It’s just hard as hell to write it. When I write about my life, I relive EVERY detail. It takes me to a dark place. I feel like I have to stay away from everyone. I don’t want to bring anyone into my black hole. It’s damn near depression.

BUT… If something happened to him, and I didn’t finish this book for him to at least attempt to read it… no words…

I have to finish it. With no money and no encouragement. Just the one last hope of my father knowing how I really feel. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

You know what had me scared shitless to try anything? It was Christianity. Maaaaan, it had me feeling like I could never do shit!

I heard stuff like, “Don’t go into business with unbelievers”, “You’re a Christian”, “You need to go to church to be under a covering” ( wtf does that even mean!!!???), “You need to pray in tongues more”, “You need to stop writing your book, you just need to forgive and be healed of the past”, “The Lord told me you were pregnant, so I made you this blanket”, “The Lord doesn’t want you to step out without him, you will walk right from under his covering”…. etc etc… that’s what my life was, and it’s been hard to get rid of all this shit that was put in my head. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Yep my fathers a pastor of a church. Yep my mom is a preacher/minister. Yep I was raised in a strict household. Nope I absolutely do not believe in the same things I did when I was growing up.

Life is so much more than Christianity and whether a person is “saved” or not. I’ve heard people put so much emphasis on being a “Holy Ghost filled, tongue talkin Christian” like that’s the only type of person they can associate with. This is stupid.

After everything I’ve experienced with Christianity, I no longer call myself that. I believe in God and I respect religion, but I will never be religious again. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

What is Christianity? Where did it come from? How many wealthy people consider themselves a Christian? How many Christians are wealthy?How many Christians are miserable? How many Christians are Happy? How many Christians are Black? How many Christians are White? How many Christians are “other”? Who started Christianity?

Maybe not all of those questions are relevant, but maybe they are. From a child I was taught, but growing up I taught myself. Know who you are and what you’re doing. With that being said, I lost my religion a long time ago. I said I was not a Christian, I follow God. In some people’s eyes, that makes me a horrible person, a blasphemer. Well I’ve said worse… -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Yep you’ve heard that silence is golden. No it’s not. Too many times I’ve seen people keep their mouth shut and what happened. Not a Damn Thing. So why the hell do we talk about silence is golden.

I could keep my mouth shut about my life and deal with it internally and regret not expressing my feelings earlier. Some of us handle things differently than others. Accept it.

It’s been 2 years since I started this blog and have yet to finish the book because of the potential consequences. But everything has consequences. You just need to figure out which consequences you want to deal with. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter