Friday, December 21, 2007

10 Things Commando Comics Taught Me

German is made up of the words: 'raus', 'schnell', 'Gott in Himmel', 'achtung' and 'schweinhund.'

Japanese soldiers, despite the tyranny of distance and not sharing a Germanic based language with their foe, had a better grasp of English and could say 'pig dog'.

If, as a boy, you encountered a German youth and had a falling out due to his arrogance/cheating/cowardice you would be guaranteed to encounter him again in the skies over the fields of France/ sand dunes of North Africa. You would then both be shot down in order to continue the duel with sidearms or fisticuffs.

If, as a boy, you encountered a German youth and struck up a firm friendship you would be guaranteed to encounter him again in the skies over the fields of France/ sand dunes of North Africa. You would then both be shot down in order for him to see the error of his fascist ways and aid you in killing the arrogant, cheating coward and blowing up the secret weapons lab / oil depot. You would both survive the war and your children would become firm friends.

Ghosts, curses and alien plant life were encountered in abundance during WWII. They would always side with the Allies.

Australians were all named 'Bluey' or 'Dingo'.

Italians were all named Marco.

High explosives detonated under a person of Japanese origin would cause him to cry 'aaaiiieee.'

All British Tommies were plucky and that pluckishness was enough to see them through your garden variety bayonet charge against heavily fortified machine gun emplacements.

British 'Stars of Speedway' had highly amusing haircuts in the late seventies.