It’s an amazing milestone: ten years ago this
September, we proudly launched our main website
RainbowWeddingNetwork.com as the first wedding
gift registry specifically dedicated to the LGBT
community. Since then the resources our company
provides have expanded exponentially and, to say the
least, it’s been an honor to witness firsthand so much
growth within the gay rights movement during this
historic span of time. In commemoration, my partner
Cindy Sproul and I will be publishing a wonderful
little book this Fall. It is a collection of personalized
insights and experiences regarding the evolution of
LGBT marriage equality: “My Dangerous Commute –
Witnessing Gay Marriage Rights Across America.”
Pre-order online this Fall at www.MyDangerous
Commute.com! And as ever, we enjoy hearing your
comments: rwneditor@gmail.com.

One Plastic Ring
-an excerpt from “My Dangerous Commute –
Witnessing Gay Marriage Rights Across America”
by Cindy Sproul, co-written by Marianne Puechl
Some of the best hugs I’ve ever been lucky enough to
receive have made their way to me sort-of in slow motion.
I can see them coming at a distance. Usually, across the
field at a Pride event, or across the ballroom at one of our
Expos, some complete stranger with his or her partner
in tow will bound across the way with arms expanding
to finally reach me with a wide smile and enfold me in a
squeeze of sweet appreciation.
Couples have been teary in greeting me and my staff, so
thankful for the resources we’ve provided. The whole Big
Picture is distilled down into salty drops of joy on their
cheeks, and while it’s precious and beautiful… it’s also true
that these simple tears are of historic merit.
The journey to equal rights is in that flow of emotion.
The meaning of equal access, fairness and justice is framed
on those faces. The story of authentically living life -their
own story- is told therein. And yet the tears are ironically
impermanent.
Granted, I have many moments at the office where I rant
and rave about the latest conservative propagandizing or
strategies. But when I seriously think about it, if I could
share just one of those heartfelt hugs with the opponents
of marriage equality, progress in finding common ground
would propel itself instantly by lengths untold.

6

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

At one Pride celebration in South Carolina, a young woman
approached our booth and chatted with us awhile. She
was especially glad to see that we’d expanded to offer the
wedding magazine. She had met us two years prior, with
her partner, at another event and they had taken small
promotional items from us at that time. -Two plastic rings,
which at that moment those years ago the women had
exchanged symbolically and with a sacred promise.
‘We’re students,’ the woman told us. ‘We couldn’t really
afford rings yet, so yours were perfect. We know we’re
getting married; we just have to wait until we graduate.’
Obviously she was young, but she couldn’t have been more
sincere.
As she recounted the story, she held up her left hand: the
ring finger was bare. ‘I wore that band for almost two years
day and night,’ she told us. ‘I couldn’t and wouldn’t take it
off, not for anything.’ For months, she had showered with
it, worn it while gardening or washing dishes or changing
the oil in the car. The tiny, thin plastic ring worth perhaps a
penny had weathered the days loyally for nearly two years.
‘But it finally broke,’ the woman told us. She kept it gingerly
in a drawer at home. Trying not to be too obvious, she
now squinted over the paraphernalia at our booth, across
the magazines and sign-up sheets, the magnets, the lapel
pins, the brochures… Sure enough, we still had a basket
of rings.
Meekly, she asked if she might take a new one. Needless to
say, it was about as wonderful as a warm hug.
…That’s how much the legitimizing of same-sex
relationships through the idea of marriage actually means
to people.
The number of men and women who let us know they
disagree with what we do or they don’t like how we do
it far exceeds the number of those who are appreciative.
But it doesn’t matter. When the days or the weeks get
tough or rigorous, I can always go back to moments
like the afternoon with the engaged students and their
plastic rings. Their sentiments are something beyond
inspirational: they’re uplifting. And more than just to me,
personally. Somehow, with the tender promise they made
to one another that day over two years ago, those women
changed the world. When you see it often enough, you
realize such things are truth.

Real Couples Real Weddings
by Susan Hart Hellman

contributing writer

Photo: Matthew H. Smith

“Weddings,”
“civil
“marriages”...
“Weddings,”
“civil unions,”
unions,” “marriages”...
The public sometimes flounders at the choice of words to use when describing the celebrations of commitment
between same-sex couples. The couples themselves, however, do not have difficulty.
At the heart of the matter is Love, any gay or lesbian partner will proclaim, without a moment’s hesitation.
Our ceremonies and celebrations may not have a definitive legal name at this time, in this place,
but they are as common and as stressful, as unique and as moving, as sacred and as wonderful as any wedding has ever been.
In anticipation of the day the state of Iowa would legalize same-gender marriage, Dean Genth and Gary Swenson of Mason City,
having had a Holy Union Ceremony in 2004, planned on simply appearing at the courthouse, signing the papers, being wed by a
judge, then going on back home. However on April 3, 2009, the day the Iowa Supreme Court struck down the Iowa legal code’s 1998
One Man/One Woman law, Dean and Gary’s expansive list of friends asked to be in on the historic wedding celebration. Gary and
Dean realized their ceremony plans would need expanding too, so they began indulging in ideas for a May 31st wedding in Music
Man Square, a 1912 River City Streetscape, reminiscent of the movie “The Music Man,” and home to “Music Man” composer Meredith
●● cont’d
Willson.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 7

Real Couples Real Weddings
But Dean and Gary also had another, perhaps
more vital reason for their change of plans. In
their wedding program, the couple explained
this personal heartfelt goal to their guests. “If
one young man or young woman attending,
who has been told by society, church, or
even family that they are ‘less than,’ could
come away from our ceremony with a hope
for the future, a hope that includes love,
companionship, and recognition that they too
are of value, then we’ve been successful.”
For these two men to choose to include the
inspiration of others as a priority for their
Wedding Day was not unexpected, as Gary
and Dean are considered the North Iowa
“Poster Boys” for same-gender relationships.
“We have worked with One Iowa (an advocacy
group dedicated to supporting full LGBT
equality) since its formation,” Dean says. “...And
also with Executive Director Brad Clark on the
State’s Anti-Bullying legislative efforts.” Dean
and Gary co-founded PFLAG-North Iowa, and
Dean is president of the Iowa State PFLAG
Council of Chapters and Chair of the Iowa
Stonewall Democrats Caucus.

Happily
Ever After
Begins Here.

8

Dean and Gary’s History
As part of their ceremony, Dean, a retired
business executive, and Gary, a radiologist,
made use of their 27-page written program
in part to tell guests about their life together,
including how they met when their careers
took them individually to Chicago 6½ years
before. Soon thereafter, Dean joined Gary in
Mason City, Iowa, and the couple celebrated
a Holy Union Ceremony at First Presbyterian
Church on November 27, 2004 in front of
almost 200 friends, family and community
members.
But to make their May 31st wedding truly
inspirational, Dean and Gary also told the
story of their lives before they met. “The
story,” they detailed in their program, “of two
boys who grew up in unfriendly times and
sometimes hostile circumstances.”
For Gary, those circumstances included
growing up the sixth of eight children in a
traditional Mormon household. He says that
when he was old enough to realize he was

“different” and began to discuss his feelings
and questions with church leaders, he was
advised to pray, read scripture, and marry
a “good woman,” and those awful feelings
would go away.
Likewise, Dean was raised in a conservative
environment, a rural Indiana farm. In the
wedding program he explained how in his
youth he also had followed what society,
church, and family dictated as the “recipe for
happy living.”
Both men married, had children, and
established themselves in their respective
churches and communities, but there were
consequences, which they explained candidly
in the program to their wedding guests.
“The dissonance and heartache grew in the
hearts of two men who were living what they
considered ‘irrational roles’ - roles society
created, had created for them. And all the
while, they lived in fear, living false lives.” Both
recall being obsessed with certain thoughts.
“What if my family and church members found
out who I really am?”

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Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

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Real Couples Real Weddings
be,” they concluded at the time.
“It couldn’t work.” Gary lived in
Iowa; Dean lived in Ohio, but most
importantly, they believed that all
they’d worked for – jobs, families,
community standing - would be
sacrificed for what they felt was “an
insane proposition.” There was no
logic! There was no common sense!

In their Wedding Program, Dean and Gary candidly shared the story of
their chance meeting, the challenges faced in coming out & the joy of
their new life together. Photos: Matthew H. Smith

In their wedding program, the couple further
explained, “It took many years before we could
realize we are indeed beautiful, and that God
means for us to be happy.”
That day arrived, unexpectedly, in 2002. “It was
destined. Our souls had to fly, and that flight
began on December 2, 2002 when we met in
Chicago and fell in love.”
But the doubts remained. “Let’s give it a year,”
Dean recalls saying. “If we still feel the same,
we can make arrangements to merge our
lives.” However, it was only three weeks later
that he proposed to Gary. “Will you marry
me?” he asked.
The couple then faced a whirling mix of
thoughts and emotions as they considered
their prospective future together. “It couldn’t

But there was love, and Gary
answered Dean’s proposal in just five
words: “Dear Dean. Yes. Love, Gary.”
However, the fears continued. “We
had difficulty shedding the years of
conditioned self-loathing and shame
that accompanied our situation,”
the couple acknowledged in their
wedding program. They felt as if
they should retreat to a “safe” place,
somewhere larger than Mason City,
and bought a house in Cincinnati.
“Cincinnati was a big enough city that
we felt we could become anonymous,”
they explained, “and live our lives
quietly, giving us a chance to adjust to
the concept of being a gay couple in
straight America.”

But those plans, like their eventual
May wedding plans, were transformed
by friends. When Gary gave his
medical partners notice with little explanation,
one of them took him aside and asked, “Why
do you have to move?”
Gary’s many excuses didn’t work and he
recalls, “Finally, I simply came out with the
truth.” Then he told all his partners about
Dean, and each one had the same response: “If
you think it matters, it doesn’t, so please don’t
move away.”
After eventually telling others too, the couple
was still concerned. “We were reeling from
the immediate psychological trauma of
coming out to families, friends, churches, and
our communities,” they explained to their
wedding guests. “We felt the loneliness and
isolation that comes with internalizing all the
negative opinions of society. The trauma was
real. Wives and children were no longer a
part of our daily lives. Excommunication and
expulsion from lifelong church affiliations had
just been endured.” In addition, they were
facing what they believed would be the town’s
potential negative reaction to a gay couple
●● cont’d
living in its midst.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 9

your Special Day at the Johnson & Wales Inn.

• We can create an intimate
wedding reception for 25
or a gala reception for 550
• Our wedding specialist has
over 25 years experience
making things perfect
• Enjoy the culinary expertise
of our Johnson & Wales
graduate Chefs
• Bring our experience to
your location with our off
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• When traveling to the
Cape, try our Pride Package
which offers overnight
accommodations in a Deluxe
Room and appetizers for
two in Audrey's Restaurant.
(based on availability)
• Reduced group rates available
for overnight guest rooms and
include continental breakfast

Marriage is a commitment to life, the
best that two people can find and bring
out in each other. It offers opportunities
for sharing and growth that no other
relationship can equal. It is a physical and
an emotional joining that is promised for
a lifetime.
Within the circle of its love, marriage
encompasses all of life’s most important
relationships. Two spouses are each
other’s best friend, confidant, lover,
teacher, listener, and critic. And there
may come times when one partner is
heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the
other may resemble the tender caring of
a parent for a child.

But then, they heard the song that changed
their lives. “Quite by accident,” Dean explains,
“we found ourselves on the campus of St.
Olaf College in Northfield, Minnesota. As
we walked along, we saw a sign announcing
“Gay Men’s Chorus Concert, tonight in the
chapel. That evening, feeling as if we were
the only gay couple in all of the rural Midwest,
we timidly entered the chapel and saw 100
members of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus.”
The couple watched hundreds of people filter
into the chapel. “Young, old, gay couples,
straight couples, students and professors,”
Dean recalls.
“All smiling,” Gary adds, “welcoming, and
happy. It was an epiphany! We weren’t alone!”
For the first time, Dean and Gary held hands
in public, unafraid, and at the evening’s end
they grasped the hands of those around them
too as the 29 year-old Chorus sang what had
always been its signature song, ‘Walk Hand In
Hand.’
Dean and Gary were in awe. “The choir and
audience sang together words that would
forever change the hopes and dreams of two
frightened men from Iowa.”
On November 27, 2004, Gary’s business
partners, and nearly 200 other guests joyously
witnessed the couple’s Holy Union Ceremony

at First Presbyterian Church, right there at
home, in Mason City.
The Wedding Ceremony
On April 27, 2009, the day marriage licenses
could be legally provided to same-gender
couples in Iowa, Dean and Gary were first in
line. By this time, their initial plan -a simple
visit to the judge- was just a laughable
memory, and the preparations for the larger
event, for 400 friends, relatives, co-workers,
and community members, were in place.
They had decided that this time when they
donned their tuxedos, they wanted the day’s
meaningfulness to extend beyond a wedding.
“Our event was a day of Marriage Equality
Celebration,” Dean explains. “We envisioned
this being a teachable moment for the
community here in Iowa.”
To accomplish this goal, they wished to create
a multi-faceted and relevant ceremony,
beginning with pianist Brian Snell’s renditions
of songs including “I Am What I Am,” “If He
Walked Into My Life,” “Somewhere My Love,”
“One Hand, One Heart,” and “Impossible
Dream.”

Marriage deepens and enriches every
facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories
are fresher, commitment is stronger, even
anger is felt more strongly, and passes
away more quickly.
Marriage understands and forgives
the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It
encourages and nurtures new life, new
experiences, and new ways of expressing
a love that is deeper than life.
When two people pledge their love and
care for each other in marriage, they
create a spirit unique unto themselves
which binds them closer than any spoken
or written words. Marriage is a promise,
a potential made in the hearts of two
people who love each other and takes a
lifetime to fulfill.

Then several narrators, including Rev. Paul
Collier and Mr. Allen Burch, began telling the
story of Dean and Gary’s lives. As part of that
●● cont’d
story includes their families,

standing alongside the grooms were Dean’s
nieces, Lynne Utterback and Deb Baker, and
Gary’s son, Adden Swenson, Gary’s youngest
brother, Mark Swenson and his husband Craig
Coburn, and Gary’s nephew, Aaron Swenson.
As the narrators spoke, The Twin Cities Gay
Men’s Chorus, directed by Dr. Stan Hill,
accompanied by Timothy De Prey, performed
songs related to Dean and Gary’s story.
“Once I Had a Secret Love,” they sang. Also
intertwined within the story were the songs
“If You Only Knew,” “We Kiss in a Shadow,”

12

Also interspersed
were the narrators’
readings of several
significant pieces
including Edmund
O’Neill’s classic work, “Marriage Joins Two
People In The Circle Of Its Love.”
But in addition to being informative and
inspiring, Dean and Gary’s wedding was also
designed to be very personal. “Our vows this
time,” Dean says, “were more secular than the
Holy Union Ceremony, but were written by us
to be extremely personal and meaningful for
us.”
It was personal to them on another level

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

too: the inclusion of Reverend Mel White,
internationally known author and founder
of Soulforce, an organization focused on
obtaining freedom for lesbian, gay, bisexual,
and transgender people from religious and
political oppression through the use of
nonviolent resistance.
The choice to have Rev. White officiate at their
wedding stemmed from Dean’s appreciation
for Rev. White’s book, Stranger At The Gate - To
be Gay and Christian in America, which Dean
says enabled him to “come out” and live life
honestly and authentically. Dean then served
as Director of Logistics for Soulforce’s 2007
East Bus Equality Ride, and having struck up a
friendship, Rev. White was happy to officiate at
the couple’s wedding.
After the vows, the ceremony closed with the
Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus singing the song
that had so positively impacted Dean and
Gary’s lives several years before. “Walk hand
in hand with us,” Dean and Gary invited their
guests. Guests grasped each others’ hands as
the Chorus sang its signature song.

Real Couples Real Weddings
rainbow colors in keeping with the wedding
theme. Photographers Matty Smith and
Ed Lynn recorded the day in pictures, and
videographer Jeff Platt captured the fun and
festivities as well.
Cherishing the Day
But amid the celebration, Dean and Gary
invited their guests to also seek the deeper
meaning of the day. “Look around you,” they
told their 400 friends and family members.
“Here is a cross-section of Iowa. In this room
are folks at all levels of the income spectrum.
We have well-dressed fashionistas and those
whose clothes reflect the care of long-term
repair, conservation and thrift. We have gays,
lesbians, bisexuals, and straight individuals.
We have those who were born male and
are now female, and those who were born
female and today sport beards and dapper
masculinity. We have all flavors of religion
represented, as well as those who profess
no religion or belief whatsoever. We have
Democrats, Republicans, and Independents.
We have pastors and priests, doctors and
lawyers, those who serve us sandwiches at the
counter and those who clean up after us when
we are long gone from work or business.
“No one here is unacceptable. No one here
is ‘less than.’ You will be hard-pressed to find
a gathering in the United States as diverse as
this group of people in this room today. And
you will be hard-pressed to find a moment in
time when you are as accepted for who you
are, than this moment right now. Cherish this
moment.”
Susan Hart Hellman is a freelance writer
based in California.
susan@susanharthellman.com
The Happy Couple and their guests socialize at the unique reception in Music Man Square; over 400 friends were in
attendance. Photos: Matthew H. Smith

The Reception
The Chorus also entertained at the reception,
as did Kirk’s DJ & Sound. The reception
theme, the Music Man Square Streetscape
décor, featured rainbow flags of all sizes and
floral displays, centerpieces, corsages, and
boutonnières, created by Randy Black of HyVee Floral, including tulips, roses, daisies,
and irises in bright rainbow colors.

and insightful tips for all gay and lesbian
couples - to ensure that you’ll present your
most beautiful face on your Special Day!
TIPS for WOMEN

by Maura “Mo” Lewit
contributing writer

If you enjoy wearing makeup, there is
no right or wrong, just wear what feels
comfortable. One partner does not need
to be the male, nor does one need to be
the female. If you both enjoy wearing
makeup, wear it! Many photographers
suggest brides and grooms wear at least
a little makeup so they don’t appear
washed out in photos; here are some easy

1. Get a professional! If you can afford it, by all
means use a professional makeup artist. Many
resorts, chapels and ceremony sites offer
makeup services or have several artists they
can recommend. This is your one Special Day,
but makeup artists build their careers working
with brides (and oftentimes grooms.) -That is a
lot of experience! Makeup artists know which
foundation is right for your skin color and which
hues will appear best in photos. Enjoy their
expertise; it’s one less thing to worry about on
this important day.
2. If you are going to buy your own makeup,
try it out at the counter first. When it comes
to foundations and shadows, it is hard to tell if
they will work for you while still in the package.
Many makeup counters offer a free make-over

with purchases. Pick out a few shades you
would like to try, and have the artist apply them
for you. If you have the time it is always best to
have a technician show you one side of the face,
and then try to repeat the same technique on
the other side yourself. Many women purchase
colors or foundations that look wonderful when
applied by a professional, but when they get
home they can’t recreate the look. The makeup
then gets thrown in a drawer. For women with
darker skin tones, be sure to choose a color that
is closest to your complexion but not lighter.
Blend well to avoid uneven tone, otherwise it
will appear like a chalky layer and can translate
poorly in photographs.
3. For eye shadow, choose a tri-color makeup
palette with hues made for your eye color.
Almay makes some great eye shadow palettes
that are formulated specially to complement
different eye colors. Generally, cool colored eyes
like blue or green contrast well with shades of
brown, peach, or bronze. Warmer colored eyes
like hazel or brown look nice with plum or rosy
shades. Use the softest color in the palette to
highlight your brow bone, apply the deepest
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 15

color into the crease of your eye and then sweep
the medium toned color to your eyelid until it
reaches the crease.
4. A great lip-tip to make color last longer is
to first apply foundation over the lips, use
lip liner to define them and then apply the
lip color. Wait a minute or two, then dab the
extra color off with one touch of a clean tissue,
and then reapply the color, touching it up with
a sealer and possibly a dot of shimmer in the
center of the lips. Using a long wear lipstick is a
great choice too, especially for the Wedding or
Reception. Just be sure to apply the long wear
lip color to a completely clean and dry lip. You
may use a little lip liner after the color has set and
then you can use a gloss to blend.
TIPS for MEN
1. For the more natural man... if you do
not really have a predilection for makeup, ask
your professional or a friend to apply a light
liquid foundation or tinted moisturizer that
matches your skin tone. Apply a little concealer
afterward to the areas that need extra coverage.
Applying the concealer after the foundation
prevents the concealer from being smudged
by the blending of the foundation. Be wary of
powders, they do not reflect light well in photos
and have a tendency to wear off quickly. Also,
a non-iridescent bronzer on the cheekbones is
a great way to add a little color naturally. Lip
balm finishes off the look for supple lips. I tell
all my male clients, both gay and straight, to try
and remember that these photos are forever; a
little basic grooming and makeup is always an
excellent idea to ensure that you look your best.
2. If you want to wear drag for your wedding, I
recommend that you have a makeup artist or an
experienced friend lend you a helping hand. If
you enjoy wearing drag you have probably done
your makeup yourself a time or two. Just try to
keep in mind that most modern photographers
have gone high-tech, meaning enhanced photos
that can show every blemish. Even if you are
made up in drag, you still want your face to
appear soft and not over the top.
3. Unless you are Freddie Mercury, mustaches
and beards do not go well with foundation
and eye shadow. So choose one or the
other. Replace foundation with a bronzing gel on
the bearded area.

16

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

Photos: Mary K. Wood, Atlanta

TIPS for WOMEN & MEN
1. Have your eyebrows professionally
shaped for the ceremony. Don’t tweeze your
eyebrows the morning of your Wedding - you
will create redness and irritation. Get your brows
professionally shaped about a week before your
ceremony and check for strays two days before.
If you do not have a preferred professional, ask
your friends who they might suggest, and make
sure you like the way your friend’s eyebrows look
before taking their advice.

2. Get a facial. Facials are very beneficial to
the skin and they are also a wonderful way to
relax, but the main purpose of a good facial is
to improve the skin’s quality. This often means
pulling any imperfections and blockages to the
surface of the skin so they can be treated and
removed. A facial can leave the skin red and
blotchy, so do not get a facial any sooner than
two weeks before your ceremony. This allows
the skin time to heal and look its best for the
special occasion. The better your skin looks the
less foundation is needed.
3. Liquid foundations work best. Apply your
foundation first, and then add your concealer to
places where you need a bit more coverage. Be
wary of powders, they do not reflect light well in
photos and have a tendency to wear off quickly.
Indulging in the services of a makeup artist on
Your Special Day is one easy way to pamper
yourself, and perhaps your partner as well!
Applying your own makeup while you’re stressed
is a big no-no; plus, there is nothing more
relaxing than having your makeup done for you.

But if you do choose to do your own makeup,
whether you are a man or a woman, these tips
will help you look your best all day long.
ABOUT MO LEWIT
Celebrity makeup artist Maura “Mo” Lewit is best known for
starring in the Lifetime reality competition TV series “Blush: The
Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist.” Mo is a graduate of UCLA
and Joe Blasco’s School of Makeup. Over the span of her career,
Mo has worked with Cirque Du Soleil, the Duchess of York Sarah
Ferguson, Rachel McAdams (“The Notebook”) Omorosa ManigaultStallworth (Donald Trump’s NBC show “The Apprentice”) and
Norma Strait for The Country Music Awards. Her regular clientele
includes actress Jennifer Tilly and author Lucie Venture. She is
currently a senior makeup artist for The Bellagio Salon in The
Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, and she is also currently the
head makeup artist for the Las Vegas based cable television show
“In My Corner” starring Rasheeda Ali. Most recently, Mo teamed
up with fellow “Blush” contestant Farah Carter to form their own
company, Advanced Hair and Makeup.

Photo: Mary K. Wood, Atlanta

You can visit Mo at www.myspace.com/momakeup
or at www.advancedhairandmakeup.com

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 17

Portraits of Change
Committed Allies Speak Out for Gay Rights

by Ira Adams
contributing writer

It’s now part of the history books... Opponents
of equal marriage throughout the nation
descended upon California last fall and
poured millions of dollars into influencing the
public to ensure the success of their measure:
Proposition 8. And while our
community fell short of achieving
the level of involvement needed
to secure equality at that time,
since the passing of Proposition 8
and its being upheld by the state
Supreme Court this spring, the
LGBT minority has rallied together to
renew our collective sense of purpose.
We’ve revitalized our vision and the
necessary determination to ultimately
prevail. For the moment we may be
left with the bitter taste of defeat in
California, but other recent victories
help to remind us that change is on the
horizon.

“

have been focused on the goal ahead, we
have in recent years gained several strong and
sometimes unexpected advocates: hopeful
reminders of the dawning of a new era for gay
rights. Their efforts are not to be overlooked,

The black church must
not be refuge for those who
want to scapegoat and use
violence on any community,
including the gay and
lesbian community.

While many within the LGBT community

”

as their important contributions will likely
reshape the landscape of the LGBT Equality
Movement in the years to come.

What makes these individuals so remarkable
is that they have decided to take a step off the
sidelines, often reaping little or no benefit,
risking professional standing and perhaps
more. They have chosen to take a stake in the
issue of human rights. The following is a brief
introduction to just some of these influential
allies.
Coretta Scott King
Taking the helm of the American Civil Rights
Movement after her husband’s April 1968
assassination, Coretta Scott King spent her
life working on behalf of Women’s Rights and
advocating equality for the African-American
and LGBT communities.
On numerous occasions she openly voiced
her support for the LGBT community and
called upon civil rights leaders and the African
American community at large to advocate
for LGBT rights. Speaking out at Chicago’s
historic Palmer House Hotel in April of 1998,
King stated that “Homophobia is like racism
and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry
in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of
people, to deny their humanity, their dignity
and personhood... This sets the stage for further
repression and violence that spread all too
easily to victimize the next minority group.”
She understood the unique challenges facing the
LGBT community and saw parallels between
the philosophies of those individuals who have
sought to suppress both the African-American
and LGBT minorities. In her now famous 2003
speech at the 13th annual ‘Creating Change
Conference,’ King publicly likened the Civil
Rights Movement of the mid-1950’s and 60’s to
that of the current gay rights movement.
“I still hear people say that I should not
be talking about the rights of lesbian and
gay people. ...But I hasten to remind them
that Martin Luther King, Jr. said, ‘Injustice
anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’
I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin
Luther King, Jr.’s dream, to make room at the

18

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

Coretta Scott King and family at the annual MLK Day March, 1998 / Atlanta, GA Photo: Cindy Sproul

table of brotherhood and sisterhood for lesbian
and gay people,” she remarked.
Facing tough criticism for her views linking
the gay rights movement to that of the Civil
Rights Movement, King did not relent. She
openly commented that her opponents were
“misinformed” and that she was simply
continuing her husband’s message of equality
and inclusiveness.
The African-American and LGBT communities
lost a great advocate and visionary when
Coretta Scott King passed away on January 30,
2006.
Rev. Al Sharpton
It’s reassuring when our minority is able to
garner support from arenas where it is not
necessarily expected. Case in point: the
religious sector. Despite facing the obvious
obstacles and harsh criticism from peers, Rev.
Al Sharpton has strongly aligned himself
with the LGBT community. He is a southern
Baptist minister leading a movement to
eliminate fear and prejudice against gays and
lesbians from within the church. Working
against generations of instilled tradition to help
open the eyes and hearts of people who would
not otherwise readily embrace such ideas, Rev.
Sharpton’s message is clear and decisive.

As keynote speaker for The National Black
Justice Coalition’s Summit on Homophobia
in Atlanta, GA on January 20-21, 2006 Rev.
Sharpton expressed marked opposition to
the church’s stance on LGBT issues. “The
black church must not be refuge for those
who want to scapegoat and use violence on
any community, including the gay and lesbian
community,” he said.
His goal is to place accountability back on the
church as a whole by encouraging individual
members and leaders to speak up for equality.
“Martin Luther King, Jr. said there are two
types of leadership — there are those who are
thermometers, who measure the temperature in
the room, and those who are thermostats who
change the temperature. I come to tell you to
be thermostats. Turn up the heat in the black
church. Make these people sweat,” states
Sharpton.
He also offers criticism regarding the stances
taken by several churches that he feels have
given in to pressure from more conservative
groups on the issue of gay rights, specifically
those backing President George W. Bush’s
2004 campaign to ban same-sex marriage.
As a strong advocate for the LGBT
community, Sharpton is building support in
places often left unturned. The impact of his
work will no doubt provide lasting foundations
for the years ahead.
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 19

Portraits of Change
Rocky Anderson
Mayor of Salt Lake City, Utah from 2000
through 2008, Rocky Anderson has been
charged with having “attracted the entire gay
community to come and live in Salt Lake
County,” according to Utah State Senator Chris
Buttars. As with many of our community’s
advocates, Anderson has faced pointed
opposition to his stance on equality for LGBT
citizens. Regardless, he has allied himself
strongly to the issues, even being described
as having “gone out on a limb to defend gay
rights.”
As early as his bid for US Senate in 1996,
Anderson has been a proponent of marriage
equality. Merrill Cook, his Republican
opponent in that race, targeted Anderson’s
pro-gay position as a focal point and wedge
issue for the campaign. Despite criticism
and disfavor among constituents, Anderson
remained committed to protecting the rights of
the LGBT community.

20

In 2005, during his term as Salt Lake City
Mayor, he extended domestic partnership
benefits to all city employees through Executive
Order. “Fundamental principles of fairness
and justice obligated me to grant equal benefits
to same-sex domestic partners of employees,”
remarked Anderson in a 2008 Times Online
interview. “While my Executive Order granting
equal benefits was unpopular in some quarters,
even spurring lawsuits, it was the right thing to
do.”
Today Rocky Anderson remains committed
to protecting the rights of gays and lesbians
and other minorities. He is currently serving
as President of High Road for Human Rights,
an organization devoted to the defense and
awareness of those affected by social injustices
throughout the world.
At times, it is difficult to comprehend that in
the United States our minority continues to find
itself in the position of striving and fighting
for the same basic rights and acceptance that

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

so many others in our nation take for granted.
That LGBT citizens must continue to work
against the same prejudicial arguments which
have sought to suppress us for decades is
ludicrous. No doubt we will continue to face
these obstacles on some scale for years to come;
however, it is with recent victories in places like
Vermont and Iowa and New Hampshire that we
are reminded that the promise of equal rights in
America applies to the LGBT community too.
And no matter what lies along the road ahead,
we can rest assured that it is not a journey that
we will have to take alone.

Circle
of
Love
Creating Your Own Wedding Rings

by Susan Hart Hellman
contributing writer

Jennifer Spearel & Belinda Romero of San Diego work with
WRW metalsmith Jay Whaley to craft their own ceremony bands.

What do wedding rings and rugby have in
common? Nothing, you may be thinking!
Ironically, there is a connection: Wedding
Ring Workshop (WRW), where couples
spend a romantic day creating each others’
personalized wedding rings.
The concept for the original Wedding Ring
Workshop, in London’s Hatton Garden,
began as a challenge between two rugby
team members. One recently engaged
player asked fellow rugby enthusiast and
Master Jeweler, Simon Lewis, to create his
wedding rings. Simon jokingly suggested
that his friend and his betrothed do the
work themselves under Simon’s guidance.
Challenge accepted, and Simon, in the
business of creating fine jewelry for over
20 years, recognized an unfulfilled niche:
facilitating the desire of couples to express

their love by personally crafting the rings
they would soon exchange. The idea of the
Wedding Ring Workshop quickly became a
reality.
Over the next few years, Simon’s Wedding
Ring Workshop became so popular he
decided to expand this unique experience,
and with the aid of fellow Englishman and
San Diego marketing firm owner, Lewis
Barnes, he established Wedding Ring
Workshop-USA. Soon, the first WRW-U.S.
was open for business. Lewis says, “An
apartment romantically decorated with a
New Orleans-style wrought iron balcony,
was found in the Hillcrest area of San Diego.”
The business opened in October 2004 under
the direction of Martin Kasper, a graduate
metalworker and jeweler, and the first
clients were Randall McNames and Victor
Kazakevich of Del Mar, together 33 years.

When
Martin
moved to
Chicago,
Jay Whaley, metalsmith and 25-year
veteran of the craft who had taught in
Arizona, Hawaii, and at San Diego State
University, took over the business. Jay was
a WRW natural. “Wedding rings,” he says,
“the most personal expression of love and
commitment, are often bought, ready-made
from a jewelry store, or possibly custom
made by a jeweler. Wedding Ring Workshop,
however, is something else entirely, and it is
one of the most gratifying enterprises I have
ever known.” Since then, Master Jewelers
have signed on as licensees, offering the
same service in San Francisco, Seattle,
Chicago, Boston, and Washington DC, with
Honolulu due shortly.
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 21

Circle of Love

Belinda and Jennifer display cups of metal fragments that will form their rings.

The Wedding Ring Process
It is a precise process, Jay explains,
beginning when he shows couples a
tray of sample rings. Jay says, “I discuss
many options involving shapes, widths,
textures or special elements they want to
incorporate into their rings.”
Jennifer Spearel and Belinda Romero of San
Diego, who made their rings in September
2008, explain that this was one of their
favorite parts of the workshop. “Jay Whaley
greeted us in such a warm and open way
and he encouraged us to be creative, laugh
and enjoy the day.”
One decision that Jennifer and Belinda,
and other couples, have to immediately
make concerns the metal to be used.
Lewis explains, “Precious metal jewelry is
manufactured from three main families of
metals: gold, platinum and silver.” (Please
see sidebar for more information.) He adds
that gold can be further broken down into
three favorites: yellow, white and colored
gold, and that the platinum family includes
palladium, rhodium and platinum.
Randall and Victor, who chose making their
own rings as a sentimental, meaningful
mutual act to demonstrate their

22

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

commitment to each other, had the idea
for their metals and design prior to arrival.
“Quite simply, Randall says, “it was a white
gold ring, sandwiched between two thin
yellow gold rings, signifying the unification
(the white gold) of two individuals (the two
smaller outside gold rings).”
James Daniels and Scott Colvin of La Mesa,
together 7 years, had a different experience
when creating their rings in 2005. “We did
not have a design idea,” James says. “Instead
we solicited ideas from Jay Whaley and
made our decision based on his expert
advice.” Jim and Scott decided on “simple”
bands of 18k white gold in a hammered
finish. “We identified with that idea,”
James says, “because we live our lives with
simplicity in mind. We chose the hammered
finish because it symbolized the craftsman
look and like all craftsmen you must work
with your hammer in order to build your
house, like building your relationship. ...Not
to mention it has a shimmering finish.”
For Jennifer and Belinda the experience
began a bit differently. Jennifer explains,
“We started with two little cups of platinum
and had no idea what the final design
would look like.”
Jason Ray and Gregory Clune of San Diego,
together 9 years, discovered the concept for

their bands while attending one of WRW’s
informational open houses where Jay
explains the entire process to couples.

the most challenging. “This had to be done
carefully without cracking it, or you had to
start all over again.”

Of the initial concept creation, Jay says,
“I try to be as creative as possible, to
let them make rings that are unique to
them.” He documents the dimensions
and descriptions of the planned rings,
estimates the amount of metal needed, and
weighs out that amount. Then he begins
documenting the couple’s process too.
“With the disposable camera we provide
each couple, I photograph them holding
the two little dishes of metal bits, as they
start off their ring-making process.”

However, showing just how individual the
wedding ring creation process can be, Jason
and Gregory said this was their favorite part
when crafting their own bands in March,
2009. “We loved annealing the platinum,
especially after the ring took shape,” Jason
explains.

Melting
The first step after selecting the metal is
melting it, which Lewis says most couples
find fascinating. James Daniels and Scott
Colvin found this to be true. “Melting down
the gold and turning it into an ingot was
our favorite part,” James says.
Jay explains that couples don protective
aprons and safety glasses, and using a high
temperature jeweler’s torch that is fed a
mixture of oxygen and gas, he coaches
them in melting their metal. “When it is
molten,” Jay says, “they pour that liquid
metal into a steel mold and create the
ingot.”

Milling
Next comes milling, and Jay explains, “From
the poured ingot I supervise the couple’s
use of a manual rolling mill, a handle
operated machine that slowly forms that
rough ingot into a square rod of the correct
width for each of their rings.”
James and Scott explain how they
completed this part of the process. “We
milled the rings into a stretched shape,
which would later become the foundation
of our rings. We stretched the ingot into a
large wire, and then we bent the wire into
rough-looking ring shapes and trimmed
them.”

Using a high temperature jeweler’s torch Scott
melts the metal to form his ring.

Lunch!
The next step is a much-needed break
and lunch, whereby the jewelers provide
menus from local restaurants. “We call in the
lunch order,” Jay says,” “and have our meals
delivered to the studio where we eat, and
get to know each other better.”

Bending, Sawing, Soldering
Back at work, the afternoon is spent on
the remaining stages of the process, Jay
explains, all of which he photographs.
“When the metal strips are finally rolled
into the correct shape, width and thickness,
I help the couple cut these strips with a
jeweler’s saw into the correct length.” The
strips are then hammered around a mandrill
into bands, and Jay shows the couple
how to solder the ends together with the
propane/oxygen torch using more of their
precious metal and the appropriate colormatch solder.”
For Jason and Greg, this step presented a
challenge. “We found the hardest part to be
soldering the rings,” Jason explained. “The
small pieces of solder would fly off very
easily.”

Hammering the ring around the mandrill to create
the proper shape.

Jason solders his ring, under the supervision of Jay
Whaley of WRW.

Shaping, Buffing, Polishing
“Then it’s on to the three final steps,” Jay
says, “including shaping, where the excess
solder is filed off and the ring is shaped.”
Rings are then buffed to remove remaining
file marks, the shape is refined, and jeweler’s
polish is applied.
●● cont’d

As part of the finishing process, Greg files and
polishes his ring.

For Randall and Victor, annealing during this
stage -reducing stress within the metal by
heating to a prescribed temperature- was

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 23

Circle of Love

The Precious Metals

James & Scott exchange their WRW wedding bands during their
historic ceremony at the Marston House Formal Gardens, Balboa
Park CA on June 21, 2008. Photo: Big Mike, San Diego CA

Lewis Barnes of Wedding Ring Workshop
has provided the following information for
couples to take into consideration as they
select and create their own wedding bands:
The Metals:

Precious metal jewelry is manufactured from three
main families of metals: gold, platinum and silver.

Each karat is a weight measure of fine gold
present in the alloy equivalent to 1/24th.
There are numerous qualities local to areas such as
Europe and the Far East. These include 8K, 9K, 10K,
20K and 21K, but there are only three hallmark
qualities recognized internationally: 14K, 18K and
22K.

Pure gold is too soft for “everyday” jewelry. It will
bend quite easily and dent, scratch etc with very
little pressure. So jewelers blend it with other
metals (such as silver, copper, nickel and zinc)
using a technique known as “alloying,“ giving it
durability and wear-resistance..
The technique also allows jewelers to vary the
color of the resulting alloy, giving a range of hues
for yellow gold alloys and creating families of red,
green and white gold alloys.

14K is 14/24ths or 58.3% fine gold by
weight

•

18K is 18/24ths or 75%

•

22K is 22/24ths or 91.7% fine gold

Yellow Gold

In nature there exist only two true colored metals:
gold and copper. All other metals are various
shades of grey. Not only is gold a precious, inert
and highly reflective metal, it also possesses a
naturally beautiful yellow color that has captivated
humankind for thousands of years.
Are All Yellow Gold Alloys
the Same Color?

The lustrous deep natural yellow color of gold
is only possible when it is pure. It changes as
other metals are mixed with it for strength and,
sometimes, to meet the demands of a currently
fashionable color.

The Karats of Gold

The different levels of gold found in alloys are
measured in “karats.” (The word “karats” is derived
from the time when gold was compared to a
specific number of carob beans.)

24

•

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

If the alloy contains:
· High percentage of copper = pink hue
· High percentage of silver =
gold with a greener shade of yellow
· Equal amounts of copper or silver =
gold that is “neutral yellow”
· High percentage of nickel or palladium =
white gold
Do Karats Affect Colors?

As the karat level of an alloy is decreased, the
yellow color is also decreased. However, when
added to lower karat alloys of gold, silver and
copper, zinc helps restore richness.
22 KARAT GOLD - This high karat metal, close to
pure gold, has a desirable color but is too soft for
use in jewelry, especially rings.
RED, PINK & ROSE GOLD - All 3 of these high
copper/silver/gold alloys have similar properties.
Adding more copper to the alloy = reduction in
percentage of silver, giving the metal a warm hue.
WHITE GOLD - Regardless of karat, white gold
alloys fall into two categories: those that use
nickel to bleach the yellow gold, or those that use
palladium.
NICKEL ALLOYS - The majority of white gold
jewelry in the US is manufactured using alloys
containing nickel as the bleaching agent, because
nickel has the strongest “bleaching power” in gold
alloys. Nickel and gold do not mix together well,
so rings are commonly plated with rhodium for a
bright, silvery appearance.
PALLADIUM ALLOYS - Palladium –a member of
the platinum family- is also used to make white
gold alloys, and plating of jewelry is not needed.

Circle of Love
while sitting on a boulder at the edge of
the ocean late that afternoon, near the
Pacific Beach pier in San Diego County.”
Jennifer and Belinda chose to leave
their rings blank. “We haven’t had them
inscribed yet,” Belinda explains. “It’s a
forever sort of statement and we want it
to be right.”

At this point, most couples’ rings are
finished, but those designs incorporating
gemstones take an additional few days.
“Of course, stone setting is a skill all of its
own,” Lewis explains, “and cannot be taught
in one day.” Those rings are left with the
jeweler for mounting the gems at a later
time.

Jay says 90% of couples who want
gemstones choose diamonds, which he has
readily available or can order. But he adds
that couples often bring in diamonds from
relatives’ rings. “That’s an amazing thing,” he
says. “It’s a way of saying ‘I want to include
this, incorporate this into my own band.’
That way they can have grandma’s ring
with them.”

Randall and Victor chose a special date too.
“That date (7/9/76),” Randall explains, “is
the day we actually committed our lives
together by exchanging simple words

James and Scott chose the date they met
for their inscription: 01-20-2003, along with
one another’s initials.

All the jewelers concur that at this point,
most couples gaze “into” their rings. “They
remember all the processes that went into
this creation, and that they made these
perfect rings themselves, for each other,”
Jay comments. “It’s more touching than
you can imagine.” He adds that tears are
not the exception.
Jason and Greg summarized their day. “We
liked the idea that we could design and
make our own rings, instead of it being
such a generic process. The experience
was great! We felt very relieved when it all
came together.”
●● cont’d

Champagne!
Whether a couple’s rings are complete
or will await the inclusion of gemstones,
a celebration is now in order and the
couple toasts their sparkling creations
with champagne in crystal flutes. This is
the ultimate photo op of the day, and
also the moment for engraving. “At this
time,” Jay concludes, “while they enjoy
their champagne, I engrave any personal
message the couple might want inside of
each ring.”
Jason and Greg chose an inscription based
on the South Park movie. “The scene shows
Saddam Hussein and Satan having a lovers’
argument,” Jason explains. “Saddam says
to Satan, ‘Who’s my creampuff?’ to which

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 25

Circle of Love
Randall and Victor admit that their
emotions ran the gamut. “We went through
a range of emotions... everything from
‘why didn’t we just go out and buy some
rings?’” Randall laughs, “....to a great sense of
satisfaction that we actually fabricated each
other’s rings.” Randall adds that this was
one of his favorite parts of the process. “It
was the realization that I (being someone
who is not at all artistic) could -under the
supervision of a professional- actually
create a work of art that would be a lasting
expression of my commitment.”

Jennifer and Belinda found their day filled
with emotion too. “There was nervousness
about making something perfect for each
other,” Belinda explains, “laughter about
our special bug-eye protection glasses, a
relaxed sense of achievement when we
really started to see how wonderful they
were.” She adds, “And of course, love -the
experience gave us an opportunity to really

Photo: Nancy Robbins Photography

be with each other and focus solely on the
experience.”
James and Scott saw this as a contemplative
moment as well. “This entire process
brought us closer together,” James says, “as
this was an opportunity for us to reflect on
our relationship. We felt as if the Wedding
Ring Workshop was the perfect symbol
of creating our future together. There was
nothing like the feeling of looking at each
other and seeing the excitement and joy in
each other’s eyes as we made the other’s
ring.”
When asked about the most challenging
part for them, James and Scott agreed.
“What was the hardest part? Leaving
the workshop because we had such a
wonderful experience.”
Wedding Ring Workshop
866.583.6982
info@weddingringworkshop.com
www.weddingringworkshop.com

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On February 23, 2007, Elena Cardona
and Liz Quinones were one of the first
couples in New Jersey to enter into a legally
recognized civil union. They were also the
first couple ever to be featured on the cover of
RainbowWeddingNetwork Magazine!
2009 finds Elena, Liz and their family
celebrating another exciting milestone.
Congratulations, Quinones Family!

(For previous articles about Elena & Liz,
including the Q&A from last issue prior to
Baby Eli’s birth, visit us online at
www.RWNMagazine.com)
RWN Magazine (RWNM): Tell us a little
bit about your relationship as it is today, now
that you two have journeyed together through
friendship, romance, a historic civil union
celebration, been newlyweds... and now look
toward your future.
Elena (EQ): Since we had the ceremony for
our Civil Union, life has just been wonderful.
You never realize how much one day (meaning

32

our Wedding Day) really does
mean to you until you have finally
done it. I will never forget how
Liz used to tell me when we were
just friends that she would never
get married, but if you ask her that
same question today her answer
would be that she would do it
over and over again if we could. It
meant that much.
It wasn’t long after our Wedding
-actually March of 2007, to be
exact- that we started talking and
thinking about adding a little
someone to our family. I have
Surrounded by friends & family, Elena & Liz celebrate their civil
biological children of my own,
union ceremony in February 2007. One of the first couples in
who we are raising together and
New Jersey to commit to each other under the then-newlyLiz has been in their lives for many
enacted civil union legislation, Elena & Liz planned their
celebration in just six weeks. Photo: Lauren Guiliano of Ultrax
years. But we had never shared
Disc Jockeys, Photography & Videography
the experience from the beginning
and Liz has no children of her own.
stress of losing my only brother at just 27 years
So we both decided that it would
old, we also lost the pregnancy.
be the perfect completion to our family. So our
journey began.
We decided it would be best to take a break
for a couple of months before trying again. We
RWNM: What metaphor would you use to
decided to switch doctors and start fresh. To
describe the process of becoming pregnant?
make a really long and tumultuous story short,
What were some of the high and low points of
after about 8 more attempts, several heartbreaks
the journey to your successful conception?
and so much more, our dreams were almost
coming true. We found out that we were
EQ: The best way to describe our process
pregnant in July 2008!
of becoming pregnant is a long, scary roller
coaster, which we almost jumped off of plenty
RWNM: Would you mind sharing a bit
of times! We are so happy that we had the
more about the process of conception and the
courage to hold on.
pregnancy itself?
We don’t think that there was anything that
EQ: It was something you can’t even describe
could have prepared us for what was ahead.
I guess, or prepare yourself for. I didn’t plan
We decided to take Liz’s egg with a donor
my other kids and here I am doing it the ‘right’
sperm and have me (Elena) carry the baby. This
way (getting married, actively planning to have
process sounds a lot easier then it really is. We
both had to take shots in our stomachs everyday another child…) and we had so much trouble.
And still, even trying 10 times like we did was
for about two weeks to prepare our bodies for
actually under the average.
the process. We were extremely blessed to
become pregnant after just two attempts. But
●● cont’d, p.52
our happiness was cut short when, due to the

The luxurious Hilton Garden Inn on Staten
Island is celebrating a recently completed
$2.5 million renovation featuring dramatic
design with metropolitan and international
influences. Nicotra’s Ballroom, the special
events venue of the Hilton Garden Inn
Staten Island, is a 30,000 square ft. banquet
space which boasts a new look while
featuring the same client-focused staff and
highly regarded Executive Chef, Sonny
Soemarsono, formerly of the St. Regis
Hotel and the Rainbow Room. Along with
its trendy and elegant refinements, the
Hilton is adding a committed new focus to
targeting LGBT clients from Staten Island,
Manhattan, New Jersey and beyond.
The Hilton is proudly hosting kick-off
festivities for the 5th Annual Gay Pride
Parade on May 31st, offering a buffet and
dancing as well as a free pool party for the
children of gay and lesbian parents who
may be in attendance. The hotel has also
offered several Tea Dances specifically
catered to the LGBT community; the next
upcoming event date is scheduled for
September 13th.

The interior renovation is highlighted by
sumptuous wall coverings and beautiful
gilded seating that the Nicotras first saw
featured in the St. Regis Hotel. Gorgeous,
dramatic draperies manufactured by
the company that provided sets for
Broadway’s Wicked and other productions
frame striking views of the surrounding
preserved woodland setting. The warm,
vivid color palette allows Nicotra’s Ballroom
to maintain an intimate feel within each
unique banquet space including the
cobblestoned, silk tented, heated Trevi
Garden and the contemporary, glassenclosed Japanese Tea House featuring
indoor water elements and an outdoor Koi
Pond and pagoda.

The Hilton Garden Inn’s 150 guest rooms
also received significant upgrades with
flat screen plasma televisions and opulent
duvet covers as well as new draperies,
furniture, bed systems and carpets installed
in every room. Hallways and entranceways
feature new wall coverings and carpeting.
Owner Richard Nicotra enthuses, “We are
intent on offering our guests, including
gay and lesbian couples planning their
receptions, the upscale service, style
and setting of a Manhattan venue with
a weekend’s worth of amenities and
entertainment onsite. We take pride that
their destination-style wedding can be
●● cont’d

Hilton owners Richard and Lois Nicotra
embarked on the renovation in their quest
to provide special event clients and their
guests with a catering facility featuring
the finest dining in a luxury setting. A new
$100,000 Fountain Plaza and fresh signage
greet guests in the valet circle; timeless, rich
fabrics and furnishings carry the guests into
pre-function areas and ballrooms including
imported Belgium floor coverings and the
fabric work of Broadway set designers.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 33

34

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

Hilton Garden Inn, Staten Island
achieved with
onsite events
from Friday night
through Sunday
morning at a venue
their guests can
access easily.â&#x20AC;?
Minutes from
Newark Airport
and Manhattan,
the Hilton Garden
Inn Staten Island
is easily accessible
and offers a free
shuttle to and from
Newark Airport and
the Staten Island
Ferry to Manhattan.
Mr. Nicotra and
his staff look to the same-sex marriage
legislation under consideration in New York
as a promising and exciting milestone for
their guests, hopeful that favorable pro-

marriage laws will soon
pass throughout the
Empire State.
The Hilton Garden Inn
Staten Island houses
Lorenzoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Restaurant,
Bar & Cabaret and
the swanky Lobby
Lounge which further
illustrates the Nicotrasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;
commitment to upscale
dĂŠcor. World-renowned
stars popular with LGBT
audiences such as Lucie
Arnaz, Marcus Simeone,
Jason Graae and Danny
Aiello perform regularly
on Lorenzoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stage while
the adjacent Lobby
Lounge serves as a sophisticated setting for
private parties and dancing on Friday and
Saturday nights.

Nestled in 415 acres of protected
woodlands, this grand hotel offers a full
service spa, world-class cabaret, and the
elegant Nicotraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ballroom. The Hilton
Garden Inn Staten Island is an exceptional
gathering spot for gay and lesbian couples
and singles who seek fine dining, gracious
service and sophisticated elegance.
For event information:
Carroll Tavella, 718-477-2400 ext 3410
For more information on Hilton Garden
Inn, Staten Island and Nicotraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ballroom:
www.NicotrasBallroom.com
www.LorenzosDining.com

With this one word, AFFIRMED, on April 3,
2009 the history of same-gender marriage
in the State of Iowa was positively amended.
History of Social Issues in Iowa
Although Varnum v. Brien surprised
many who believed such a ruling would
never happen in a “heart-land” state, the
legislation is actually in keeping with Iowa’s
history of leadership in social change.

Far before the Civil War, in 1839 the Iowa
Supreme Court declared a Missouri slave
free once he entered Iowa. In 1851 the
Iowa General Assembly removed an interracial marriage ban, 102 years prior to a
similar federal ruling. Iowa was first to allow
married women property ownership in their
own names in 1851.
In 1868 the Iowa Supreme Court ruled
that a student could not be barred from

receiving an education due to race, and a
year later Arabella Mansfield became the
United States’ first female lawyer thanks to
the Iowa Supreme Court. In 1873 that same
court declared that a woman of mixed-race
had the right to dine in a “Whites Only”
restaurant.
Is it any wonder this State’s motto, created
in 1847, proclaims “Our liberties we prize,
and our rights we will maintain”?
History of Varnum v. Brien

In 1998, Iowa seemed to take a giant
leap backward when its gay and
lesbian citizens’ liberties and rights
were withheld via the passage of the
state’s “one man/one woman” Defense
of Marriage Act. But in 2005 six Iowa
same-gender couples requested marriage
licenses from the Polk County registrar
Tim O’ Brien. In compliance with the 1998
law, licenses were denied.
Lambda Legal filed a lawsuit on behalf of
those couples, including Katherine Varnum
and Patricia Hyde, in the Polk County
District Court. Varnum V. Brien claimed
inequality in the protection of these
couples’ constitutional rights.
On August 30 2007, Polk County District
Court judge Robert Hanson issued a ruling
striking down the 1998 law, but the next
day, he placed a stay on his ruling pending
appeal by the Polk County Attorney to the
Iowa Supreme Court.
However, on April 3, 2009, the Iowa
Supreme Court upheld his ruling; the 1998
act was struck down, and Iowa became the
third state, and the first “heartland” state, to
legalize same-gender marriage. Courts were
instructed to begin issuing licenses to samegender couples on April 27, and hundreds
of couples applied, including some from
Minnesota and Nebraska.
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 37

Carrie says when she heard they
could legally marry, she couldn’t
believe it. “It’s a dream,” she says. “I
am still in shock. I cried when I heard
the news. I was at work and I couldn’t
stop thinking, ‘We can really get
married!’”

Carrie (left) and partner Crayola.

THE COUPLES
Carrie and Crayola
Among those married since the April 3
decision are Carrie Visser, a nurse, and
Crayola England, a photographer. Carrie
and Crayola of Des Moines, together for two
years, chose a wedding set at their home.

38

Carrie and Crayola met at the
Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival 16
years ago, and Carrie says although
they didn’t connect at that time,
Crayola revealed later she’d thought
Carrie was “really cute!” A few years
later Carrie’s daughter met Crayola
and asked her mother, “Why don’t
you ever go out with anyone cool like
Crayola?”
Eventually, Carrie did go out with the very
hip Crayola. She recalls, “The spring of 2007
we were both having lunch on Easter Day
in the same restaurant with our separate
friends. I sat facing Crayola in the next

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booth.” Carrie had recently ended a five-year
relationship and for the first time in quite a
while was feeling good about herself. “I now
believe that self-love attracts romantic love,”
she says.
Although the couple didn’t connect that
day either, Crayola set out on a mission to
find Carrie. After a very long string of calls
to friends and friends of friends, at last she
found the woman she would eventually
marry. The couple clicked. At that point,
Carrie says, “We knew right away that we
were meant to be together.”
So their first wedding, April 11, 2008,
shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone,
but by design it was! “We invited friends
and family to an ‘Anniversary Party,’” Carrie
explains, “and once they were there,
we announced we were really having
a wedding.” For that first ceremony, it
was Carrie who had done the asking, so
upon Iowa’s legalization of same-gender

Décor included potted plants, which
guests took home as gifts, and a caterer
friend prepared a delectable array:
prawns on ice with gourmet shrimp dip,
skewered marinated beef and chicken
with vegetables, bacon-wrapped grilled
asparagus, sausage stuffed mushrooms, and
a dark chocolate cake with red and black
raspberries.
Crayola and Carrie exchange vows before friends and
family (May 10, 2009.)

Culinary delights at the reception (May 10, 2009.)

marriage, Carrie told Crayola this time it was
her turn to ‘pop the question.’ “Later that
day,” Carrie recalls, “when I least suspected
it, she got down on one knee and said, ‘You
are the love of my life and I want to be with
you forever.’” Carrie replied, “Are you asking
me to marry you?” When Crayola said ‘yes,’
Carrie said ‘yes’ too.
The couple planned on an April 11 wedding,
a second anniversary celebration, but
because licenses weren’t issued until April
27, Crayola and Carrie -who has three
children and two grandchildren- chose
Mother’s Day instead.

Rev. Rich and Rohn
Davenport, Iowa residents Rohn Rich and
Rich Hendricks, pastor of Metropolitan
Community Church of the Quad Cities (MCC
QC), married on May 3, 2009 at the MCC
Church. Rohn is an independent consultant
for insurance companies and Rev. Rich is
a full-time pastor, who says he has a deep
interest in social justice issues. He is also
a licensed Illinois attorney. Prior to their
marriage, the couple had been committed
to one another for nine years.
Rohn and Rev. Rich met at Holy Covenant
MCC in Hinsdale, Illinois. “I had met the
pastor there,” Rev. Rich explains, “and asked
if he knew of anyone who had space to rent,
as I was moving from Mississippi to Chicago.
The pastor suggested Rohn, and when I
went over to his place we really clicked and
the rest is history.” On the first anniversary

of their relationship, they exchanged rings
in a private ceremony.
In August 2004, Rev. Rich began officiating
ceremonies himself. “I was contacted by
my denomination to come to MCC QC to
perform “I Do” ceremonies,” he explains.
“Couples had applied for and been denied
wedding licenses.” In response, they were
organizing a series of non-legally-binding
ceremonies, to bring attention to the issue.
Rev. Rich continues, “They wanted to have
lots of people attend their holy unions
publicly to make a statement about the
need for equality. Twenty-one couples were
united in God’s Love during that weekend,
and I performed 16 of the ceremonies.
Twelve of them were held jointly at MCC
QC.” During that time he realized how much
he liked MCC QC, and since the Church
needed a pastor, he applied.
He and Rohn knew that when Iowa
legalized same-gender marriage they would
marry again, and when the announcement
of legalization came, they knew when and
where to wed. “When the Church began
planning a special ceremony,” Rev. Rich
explains, “we knew it was the right thing
for us to do.” This historic event was to be
a shared ceremony with seven other samegender couples from the Church.
●● cont’d

Rev. Rich married several couples on May 3, 2009 including Daren & Curtis, pictured with Rev. Rich (top middle) and Cara
& Erin (top right.) Rev. Rich and partner Rohn (lower right) were also among the couples to tie-the-knot. After all the
ceremonies were performed, couples joined in a group reception to celebrate the day (left vertical.) Photos: Cathy Bolkcam

The May 10 ceremony was all about spring,
Carrie says. She chose a spring-patterned
dress and Crayola wore light blue and white
to reflect the theme. Their eleven-yearold granddaughter played piano and sang
“Ave Maria,” and their officiant, Reverend
Amy, read a Laguna Pueblo prayer the
couple requested, stating “I add my breath
to your breath, that our days may be long
on this earth, that the days of our people
may be long, that we shall be as one person,
that we may finish our road together.” They
exchanged the rings worn since their first
ceremony in 2008, after a blessing from
Reverend Amy.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 39

Each couple received a special wedding
keepsake from the Church, and also
a spring flower bouquet donated
anonymously by supporters of marriage
equality from other states. Rev. Rich
comments, “There has been an outpouring
of love and support from people in MCCs
and from total strangers all over the world.”
Dean and Gary
Mason City residents Dean Genth and
Gary Swenson who were wed on May 31
in Mason City’s Music Man Square, were
the first same-gender couple to be issued
a marriage license in Cerro Gordo County,
Iowa on April 27, 2009. Gary, a radiologist,
and Dean, a retired business executive,
met while on a business trip in Chicago 6 ½
years earlier and soon thereafter, in 2003,
Dean joined Gary in Iowa.

Rev. Rich (left) and partner Rohn exchange vows.
Photo: Cathy Bolkcam

The couple celebrated a Holy Union
Ceremony at First Presbyterian Church

In that May 3 ceremony, Church member
Ruby Nancy officiated for Rev. Rich and
Rohn, then Rev. Rich, in formal black
clerical robe and with a silver cross on a
cord of woven rainbow colors, officiated
for the other couples.
Church member Clayton Peterson
provided the décor. “There were beautiful
new white tablecloths on all of the tables
in the social hall,” Rev. Rich says, “sterling
silver flatware and special crystal glasses
for toasting at the head table for the newly
married couples.” He adds, “Friends and
members shared a sumptuous potluck meal
with more food than the Church had ever
seen before!” A three-tiered wedding cake
featured male and female same-gender
symbols.
A special CD of love songs was created for
the occasion. “‘The Gift of Love’ was used
as a song and a theme for the service,” Rev.
Rich says. When asked about other music
and entertainment he adds, “The joy and
laughter of friendship and love shared in
community…” This festive tone served as
backdrop for the moving and momentous
occasion.

40

Millie and Yvonne
Of course, there are hundreds of samegender weddings planned across Iowa over
the next few months, including September
2 nuptials for Millie Cowles and Yvonne
Jones of Des Moines. Millie says this date
was chosen to commemorate their Holy
Union Ceremony of September 2, 1995.
Millie, who works for the State of Iowa, and
Yvonne, who works for a local insurance
company, have been together for 19 years.
They met in a nightclub, Connections, in
Kansas City, Missouri, where Yvonne was
living at the time, and while Millie was
visiting friends. After being together for
seven years, they celebrated their love with
a Holy Union Ceremony before 75 guests.
“We said our commitment vows at MCC Des
Moines,” Millie says. “A friend of ours wrote
poems for both of us to use.”
Although they had a distinct theme for their
Holy Union -black and white décor and
attire- for which Millie donned a traditional
tuxedo with maroon cummerbund, the
couple is planning a more casual affair in
September. “A simple, private ceremony,”
Millie says, with Pastor Peg Esperanza of
their Church officiating.
They are also looking forward to a joyful
post-nuptial celebration. “There are plans
for a big party,” Millie says. “Friends, family
and colleagues. At the Holy Union we had a
●● cont’d

Dean A. Genth (left) and partner Gary W. Swenson

in Mason City on November 27, 2004
with 200 guests, but this time when they
donned their tuxedos, they wanted the
day’s meaningfulness to extend beyond a
wedding. “Our event was a day of Marriage
Equality Celebration,” Dean explains. “We
envisioned this being a teachable moment
for the community in Iowa,” he says, “since
same-sex marriage is such a new thing
here in the state.”
(Please see the details of Dean and Gary’s
ceremony in the “Real Couples, Real
Weddings” section of this magazine.)

Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

Millie and partner Yvonne at their Holy Union reception
in September, 1995.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 41

barbeque, and probably
will do something similar
to this or we may rent a
hall.”
All wedding preparations
are going smoothly for
this couple, but with one
big decision left to make.
“Our biggest discussion,”
Millie says, “has been
over name changes!”

“I imagine someday our
children and
grandchildren will look
back at this time and
see us as part of a huge
civil rights movement,”
Carrie Visser says. “I will
be forever grateful to the
couples who took their
case to the Iowa Supreme
Court and won this victory
for all of us.”

Liberties and Rights

On the day of his marriage, Rev. Rich
Hendricks wrote, “Today, Sunday, May 3,
2009, was like the realization of a dream,
and coming full circle as I was privileged
to conduct legally-recognized samegender marriages for seven couples in a
joint ceremony. Today was our time to
take advantage of the equality extended
by Iowa law and to celebrate our love
together.”

Iowa’s motto, “Our liberties we prize, and
our rights we will maintain,” has been
upheld, and whether couples have already
married since the legalization of samegender weddings in Iowa, or are planning
their weddings, the sentiment concerning
the new law is the same.

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But there is concern for other states and
countries too. “We are so pleased to be a
part of history,” Rev. Rich adds,” but we will
not stop fighting for equality until people
all over the world share equal rights.”
Susan Hart Hellman is a freelance writer
based in California.
susan@susanharthellman.com

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 43

Same Love, Same Rights

®

... tours the nation!

Our 2009 Expo Calendar features events in New York City,
Chicago, Detroit, Seekonk MA, Hartford and Seattle. Plans are underway
for upcoming events later this Fall and Winter in New Hampshire,
Philadelphia and several additional locations.
Always, our Same Love, Same Rights® Wedding Expos turn out to be a
dynamic mix of celebrating the LGBT community as well as rallying for
true Equality, all founded in the local flavor of the city in which they are
held.
To find out more, visit our Expo website online at:
www.SameLoveSameRights.com.

woodland forests and breathtaking
overlooks to the heart of the French
Alps, taking in a view of Mont Blanc,
the highest peak in Europe. Brave
the gondola ride down into the glacier
of Mer de Glace, where the ice is
stunningly blue and an amazing exhibit
of ice sculptures await you.
Leisurely wander through the narrow
medieval roadways of Bruges –
Belgium’s quaint ‘Venice of the North.’
Surround yourself with the history of
landmark stone buildings erected during
the Renaissance and the simple wonder
of the Flemish windmills at the outskirts
of the village. Stroll along one of many
picturesque canals, taking in views
witnessed by travelers for centuries.
Indulge in the art of dining, Europeanstyle, while enjoying leisurely
conversation and sampling a variety of
French cheeses after the main course
and before dessert. Familiarize yourself
with local wines, Belgian beers, breads
and delectable hand-made chocolates...
Escape!

These are the quaint and inviting excursions
that come to mind for many gay & lesbian
travelers, as they consider a trip to la

Canal in the village of Chanaz, along the Rhone River / France
Photos provided courtesy: Jackie Grandchamps

Republique Francaise or to the countryside of
Belgium. Yet imagine enjoying these moments
not so much as a tourist, but as a visitor
immersing him or herself for a week or two in
the culture and activities of everyday locals.
Imagine experiencing Europe as a native.
This is the travel concept offered by Jackie
Grandchamps, a Belgian scientist now living
in the San Francisco area, who realized in
2003 that her love of travel was indeed her true
passion. “Don’t be a tourist, be our guest,” is
the tagline she chose for her business: French
Escapade.
“With every trip, the common point is that
we’re looking to give an authentic travel
experience to people,” Jackie explains. “I
don’t like to say that I offer tours. –People get
the idea they’ll be on a big bus, with scheduled
activities. We don’t do that. We limit our

groups to eight
people, many of
them gay and oftentimes lesbian-only groups,
and although I do have an itinerary and I do
have a minivan,” she says jokingly, “...we’re
able to provide flexibility and a truly unique
experience where our guests actually meet
locals and get a taste of the everyday culture,
firsthand.”
A highlight for many who travel with Jackie
is the opportunity to visit with European
residents in their own homes. “For example,”
Jackie says, “during our trips we don’t tend to
visit a lot of museums, but in Belgium one of
the itineraries does include a visit to a museum
dedicated to the Battle of the Bulge. Afterward
we stroll through a nearby cemetery where
many of the Americans are buried...” Several
years ago, Jackie had a chance meeting with a
woman in the area who
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 45

Vivats! Guests enjoy a traditional European dinner, based on the local cuisine.

was ten years old during WWII.
She continues, “Because we’re such
a small group, this woman is happy
to invite us into her house. She
makes coffee and such, and she tells
us the story of how the Americans
saved her life back during the war.
Usually at the end of the trip, people
say their favorite part was a moment
like this.”

wild black bulls, raised for the Race
Camarguaise. (In France, the bulls are
not killed in the arenas!) “This farmer
demonstrates how he herds the bulls
with trained horses,” Jackie explains.
“And he does not make money to
tour people, he makes money racing
bulls. So it’s very down-to-earth: my
travelers always love the outhouse on
his ranch!”

A similar opportunity takes place
during one of the trips to France:
In Provence, French Escapade
travelers are welcomed into the
home of a lesbian couple who
recently bought a winery there just
outside of town. Unlike a tour
in Napa Valley, for instance, this
experience brings travelers directly
into the women’s living room and
kitchen. “One of the women is
French Canadian,” Jackie says,
“and one is French. They truly
enjoy meeting the guests. We go
out into the vineyards and sample
the grapes; we taste the wine.
Everyone shares stories about
themselves and we just get to know
each other, so it’s a combination of
enjoying the wine and also making
friends. It’s more intimate.”

The quality of travel experiences is
diverse and uncommon, to say the
least. “It’s about the culture,” Jackie
comments, “but mostly my trips are
about meeting people. When we tour
a castle, for example, we schedule a
guide who meets us and talks about
the basics... but they also tell stories
about the castle and its history and
its surroundings. They make it more
lively, more real.”

A visit to Provence with French
Escapade, however, also allows
for many of the more traditional
regional highlights: leisurely
hours spent in the Provencal
marketplace, an afternoon exploring
the expansive lavender fields
and the opportunity to savor the
masterpieces in museums featuring
Cezanne, Van Gogh, Picasso, Degas
and many others. One day brings a
visit to the famed Pont du Gard, the
2000-year-old bridge pictured on
every Euro. The group learns the
basic architectural details about how
such a mighty structure could have
been raised without mortar -in just
five years- and how it has withstood
the test of time.
Yet another afternoon brings
the adventure of a jeep safari in
Camargue, where a local farmer
invites the group onto his ranch
to see rice fields and a herd of

Truly, her guests actively participate
in the culture – through the food,
through the wine, through the history,
through nature, through the variety
of rich experiences. Visiting France
or Belgium with French Escapade is
to see, hear, taste, touch and feel the
destination firsthand.

A typical excursion with French
Escapade begins with the
arrival at your destination and a
sumptuous welcoming reception.
Accommodations are most often
provided by small, luxury guesthouses
or traditional inns, or sometimes
by Jackie and her partner, Valerie,
at their fully restored 19th-century
French country home. Certain
itineraries include home-cooked
meals by Valerie, with regional menus
prepared to correspond with the travel
adventures of the day. “If we went to
the south,” Jackie explains, “Valerie
cooks a meal typical from that village
or that region to enhance the guests’
experience. Food,” she smiles, “is a
big part of the trip!”
“A European dinner,” she goes on to

say,” is three to four courses and lasts about
three hours, from 7-10 pm most nights. So we
play games, we talk.” During trips to France,
she and Valerie make sure that four different
types of cheeses are served at each dinner, so
their guests have the chance to sample an array
of regional flavors. “There are more than 500
types of cheeses in France,” Jackie adds. “So
after an eight-day trip, you’ve tasted at least
thirty of them. And these are all cheeses you
cannot get in the United States.” She teaches
guests the proper way to slice the French
cheeses; each night a different person slices
for the group. Wine selections are offered
to best complement the culinary experience.
“Cheese,” Jackie adds, “is a big part of every
dinner!”
Trips with French Escapade range in cost
from $2400-$3400 per person, and include
accommodations, many and sometimes all
of the breakfasts and dinners, activity fees
and transportation throughout the 7-14 day
excursion. The cost does not include airfare.

Many itineraries are
centered around particular
interests, such as regional
destinations or writing,
painting, cooking or
golfing getaways. Artists
and authors are booked in
advance to offer workshops
and ongoing assistance as
travelers find themselves
inspired at corner cafes or
toting an easel and brushes
along the footpaths of St
Remy de Provence in the
footsteps of Van Gogh.
“Travelers pay a deposit
Hanging houses in Pont-en-Royans, a 16th century medieval village.
up front of $600,” Jackie
Jackie Grandchamps
says, “basically so I can
count on the fact that they
packet of helpful information: resources about
are committed to the trip. I
travel agents, insurance and currency exchange
can then set up installments so that their entire
and an overview of typical regional weather,
fee is paid three months prior to departure.”
what to consider bringing along, and an outline
Once guests initially commit to a particular
concerning the activities and accommodations.
itinerary and travel date, Jackie sends along a

●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 47

Groups vary, in that sometimes an
entire family may book a trip… or
a few friends may vacation together
and find themselves in a group with
another couple and perhaps a single
traveler as well. Oftentimes, Jackie
finds that her niche is providing the
single person or couple an opportunity
to travel within a small group, thus
enjoying the inherent benefits: lower
costs, visiting Europe in the company
of a guide familiar with the area
and fluent with the language, seeing
the sights within the security of a
group that is intimate enough to offer
flexibility but large enough to provide
a sense of camaraderie.
Recently Jackie booked a trip for
a group of women who were all
related but whose husbands were
not interested in the adventure. “So
eight of the women in the family -a
grandmother, daughter, cousins- all
got together to go to Europe,” Jackie
recounts. “But generally we offer trips
for women-only, gays and lesbians,
gay men only and some that are
available for everyone. 60-70% turn
out to be women-only.” Many on the
guest-list are returning clients, she
says.
When asked about the issues
concerning gays and lesbians, as they
travel through small villages and
stroll through rural Europe, Jackie
offers, “Belgium is a country where
you can marry legally, so Belgium is
very liberal. Except if you really go
into the deep countryside, but they’re
not homophobic. They just might
think it is a little strange to see two
women holding hands. In France, the
metropolitan areas like Paris are quite
liberal, of course, but we don’t tend
to visit those areas; we focus on the
countryside. But we really have never
had any problems. Once, at a castle,”
she recalls, “a guide there spent the
morning with us and she asked why
the group was mostly women… I
told her it was a trip for lesbians and
she happily suggested that we go to
the nearby town for lunch and visit a
particular restaurant – it was owned by
two gay guys.”

48

The travel experience Jackie wishes to
provide is not necessarily a visit to the
tourist hotspots. As she emphasizes,
her goal is to allow her guests to
participate in the everyday culture as
they explore the landscape and history.
“Bruges,” she points out, “is a favorite
with all the travelers. Not so much
because it’s gay-friendly, but because
it’s quaint and wonderful.”
She adds, “Most of the time, as an
American traveling abroad, you can
go by yourself or with your family to
Paris or to the other big cities. But
traveling in the countryside becomes
more complicated. That is the niche
we offer at French Escapade.”

One of Jackie’s favorite travel
moments took place unexpectedly,
during a trip in which a lesbian couple
happened to be celebrating their 25th
anniversary. “We didn’t know about
it prior,” Jackie explains, “and they
saw this vintage car one day –a Deux
Chevaux, which exists only in France.
One of the women said, ‘Oh I love this
car! It’s one of my dreams to drive
one!’” Discovering it was the couple’s
anniversary, Jackie and Valerie
planned to make a cake and organize
a sweet celebration, but then Valerie
realized she knew someone who
owned a Deux Chevaux. “So,” Jackie
continues, “we borrowed the car and
we decorated it with balloons and a
sign that said ‘Deux Chevaux are for
Lovers…’ The American women
couldn’t drive in France of course, so
Valerie drove them… Then all of our
guests wanted a ride too, so everyone
switched off, with my little minivan
following along behind.” She smiles
brightly, remembering, “Everyone
who was on that trip even now (four
years later) says that this was their best
souvenir.”
Since 2003, Jackie Grandchamps has
been offering a multitude of travelers
unique and joyful excursions through

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The Village of Gordes, perched on a rocky hillside with an incredible view
overlooking vineyards and the surrounding countryside.
Mer de Glace, a glacier on the northern slopes of the Mont Blanc massif, in the Alps.
Virieu castle, built over eight centuries ago.
Photos provided courtesy: Jackie Grandchamps

French Escapade. For several years,
she was certain her business would
focus entirely on trips to France.
Ultimately it was the travelers
themselves who changed her mind.
Recalls Jackie, “The guests would tell
me that they loved their trip; it was
like traveling with friends and not
touring… They’d say, ‘But we want
to come back with you and visit other
countries.’” After several requests,
she added trips to her native Belgium.
And soon she plans to book a group
for Italy, specifically Tuscany.

I’m going to hire a guide and I want to keep
my returning clients happy, so I’m branching
out. I will tell the local guide exactly what I
want: cooking in Tuscany, not in a school but
in someone’s home…”

“I’m reluctant,” she comments,
“because I don’t speak Italian. But

2010 will also spotlight a trip to Senegal, an
area to which Jackie has traveled ●● cont’d

Also now available are excursions throughout
the San Francisco Bay Area, where Jackie
resides for six months during the year.
Travelers may choose from a variety of trips,
from customized visits to the National Parks or
Napa Valley, to a behind-the-scenes adventure
through the City by the Bay where the gay
rights movement gained such momentum.

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 49

her travel guests. “This
will be a trip for womenonly. And we are going
to meet Senegalese
women – one day they
are going to teach us
African dances, one day
we are going to cook
with the locals. One day
we are going to a school
and we’ll meet teachers
who are women... we’ll visit
the market and buy supplies
and take them back to the
school... We will meet a panel
of Senegal women sharing
their life stories. It will be
amazing.”

Annecy, France or ‘The Little Venice of the Alps’

herself many times over. “I love Africa,” she
says. “And in Senegal they speak French.
Also it is not like Kenya or Tanzania, where
Americans commonly tour. Senegal is not a
tourist-type country. So it remains authentic.”
In keeping with her vision, Jackie chose the
destination to provide a cultural experience for

50

Several years ago, a family of seven journeyed
to Europe on a trip through French Escapade.
As the holiday ended, they were saddened at
the departure and told Jackie, ‘We came here as
a family of seven, now we’ve become a family
of nine.’ Leaving Jackie and Valerie behind left

them particularly sorry to end the beautiful trip.
This tender sentiment sums up the experience
available to travelers who choose a vacation
with Jackie Grandchamps, who stays in touch
with her clients for months and often years
after the trip is over. “Who I work with,” she
says, “are people who want to discover a new
culture. I offer the opportunity of an authentic
experience, so that they will not be a tourist but
a guest.”

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 51

Elena & Liz – two years later...
●● cont’d from p.32

as a couple during the process?

My mom was so supportive – without her
we wouldn’t have been able to do this. She
took care of our older kids when I was put on
bedrest. And everytime I went to the house to
see them, she took pictures of my belly and of
all of us together.

EQ: Everyone at my company has
been so amazing. It is a small finance
company and I’ve been there over ten
years now. Back in 2007, twelve out
of the fifteen employees came to our
wedding. So they’ve always been
great and really supportive. They
held my job open when I had to take a
leave for the pregnancy and my boss
told me, ‘Don’t worry about your
job at all; it’s waiting for you.’ They
couldn’t wait for me to come back to
work. And for the baby shower, my
co-workers sent a check and gifts.

I actually lost my stepdad to lung cancer two
weeks after we got pregnant the second time. It
was so hard, because those last two weeks of his
life he was in the hospital and I was not able to
see him, because of the risk with the pregnancy.
He was the only grandpa my kids have ever
known; he actually attended our wedding
against doctor’s orders (he had pneumonia at
that time…) He’s been there for us all along.
Losing him was so difficult.
Liz Quinones (LQ): I just kept whispering to
her, ‘Don’t get stressed, don’t get stressed.’ We
didn’t want to lose this baby too.
RWNM: As a couple you’ve been through so
many unexpected challenges throughout the
process of this conception. Your family has
been through so much too. Our condolences.
EQ: Thank you.
RWNM: Would you mind sharing how the two
of you decided to have Elena carry the baby?
EQ: Again, I have biological kids while Liz
doesn’t, and because of her occupation and her
age (Liz is 43 and Elena is 31) it made sense for
me to carry the baby. Our doctor actually said
that if we’d wanted Liz to carry the baby after
all, the only way for it to work would be for her
to use my egg (because of the age issue.) And,
I’m sure that it was harder for us to conceive
-ultimately- because we did choose Liz’s egg.
I was put on full bedrest at 11 weeks and I was
still spotting at the beginning... Early on I
thought I lost the baby but I actually lost part of
the placenta. I had had a hematoma (bruise on
the uterus) so that’s why I was put on bedrest.
So at that time there was no way I could
commute the 1 ½ hrs to our older kids’ school;
that’s when Justine (13) and Patrick (10) went
to stay with their grandmother.
RWNM: Wow, this was such an intense
journey for you and your entire family. How
did your co-workers and supervisors handle
everything? Were they supportive of you two

52

I was allowed 24 weeks of disability
coverage and the rest was picked up
by long-term disability. –That covered
the last month of the pregnancy and
eight weeks after the baby was born.
All the guys Liz works with came to
the shower and gave us gifts. Her
chief came out and played with the
baby since he’s been born…
LQ: I am a police sergeant and I had
just started my job three years ago.
But with New Jersey’s Family Medical
Act I was allowed up to twelve weeks
unpaid leave to care for a loved one,
and I did have to take some of that
time. I was the one who shuttled Elena
back and forth to doctor appointments,
usually at least two appointments a
week.
It was a tough, long road. It seemed
like every other day we had to go
to the doctor for something. Elena
developed gestational diabetes, so we
were checking her blood at home five
times a day there toward the end, and
we had to go in for routine bloodwork
too.
But it was definitely all worth it in the
long run.
RWNM: Did you two encounter any
awkward moments, being a lesbian
couple?
EQ: I was referred to a doctor from
family, and he’s Spanish, which we
wanted, and he’s been so great with

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Elena & Liz – two years later...
both of us. All our doctors and nurses and their
staff have really been great.
We really had very few issues, but there was
one at the hospital. I was in for observation.
The guard gave Liz such crap.
LQ: Yeah, we’d taken Elena in and I had to
go back to the car for something. The security
guard gave me the third degree and wouldn’t
let me back into the hospital, even though I told
him that my wife was upstairs and pregnant and
in pain. He’s asking me all these questions just
because we were two females... Had I been in
uniform or a man, he never would have even
questioned it.
EQ: He had seen her go up the day before, so
why was he giving her crap? We later went to
his boss and he got ripped – the supervisor was
really great about the situation.
RWNM: So, you made it through the first
trimester and the second… How exciting! I
know the due date was early March, and there

you were –you’d finally made it to February
with everything proceeding along. What was
the story of the baby’s birth?
EQ: I had started bleeding once again at
36 weeks. I had actually started getting
contractions at 28 weeks and I was on med/s
to hold on to the pregnancy. We were in the
hospital at least once a week at that point. Then
when it happened again at 36 weeks, the doctor
decided just to go ahead with a caesarean.
LQ: The delivery was so graphic; it was hard.
I was standing on a chair, taking photos from
there. I was scared –well, more nervous than
scared. We’d just been through so much with
the conception and pregnancy…
EQ: She was nervous too about holding him,
but she did just fine. Liz was the first one to
hold him.
RWNM: And he was rather healthy, even
though he was premature? What did you name
him?!

EQ: He was healthy! And his name is
Eli, from Liz’s full name ‘Elizabeth.’ We
considered the middle name ‘James,’ after my
brother who passed away, but my mom said she
couldn’t handle that. So he is just simply Eli
Quinones.
RWNM: Congratulations, how wonderful!!
I’m sure the family has been so very happy and
busy with the new Little One.
EQ: Yes, Justine and Patrick love being back
home and having a new brother. They both
want to feed him and take care of him. They
take pictures to school and brag about him...
The school’s been great about it too, very
supportive. And my mom is all over Eli. And
we’ve already taken a trip to Puerto Rico to
introduce him to Liz’s mom, which was great.
RWNM: What was it like filling out the birth
certificate? Does New Jersey have the new
documentation in place to accommodate samesex couples who have entered into a civil union
and are having children?
●● cont’d

Vol. 4 Issue 2 Summer/Autumn 2009 53

Elena & Liz – two years later...
EQ: They do have ‘parent’ and ‘parent’ on the
final birth certificate. But on the application for
the birth certificate, it said ‘mother’ and ‘father.’
The director of the hospital told us to cross out
‘father,’ which we did. So, on the final birth
certificate which was mailed to us later, you
can’t actually tell which one of us gave birth to
Eli. But on June 19th Liz will formally adopt
him. We decided to do this, because the birth
certificate would hold up under New Jersey law
but not in other states.
LQ: Say I was driving Eli through another
state and there was an emergency… I might
not have the same rights as a (fully recognized)
parent to take care of him.
EQ: So we have to go for a second parent
adoption. Liz had to go through everything like
a regular adoption: luckily at her job they offer
legal aid where we could pay $25/month and it
happens to cover adoption. This ended up being
a couple hundred dollars rather than $6K.
RWNM: That brings me to my next question…
Do you mind sharing a ballpark figure on just
how much this pregnancy ultimately cost?
EQ: Over $100,000 easily. Our insurance only
covered the basics, like ultrasounds... No med/s
like the follistim or the progesterone, which I
needed to hold on to the pregnancy.
RWNM: So now what? How is Eli doing?
How is everyone adjusting?
EQ: We’ve switched our work schedules so
that we trade off time at home with Eli. My
company allowed me to switch hours so I’m
there now from 7:30-3:00 with a half hour
lunch. Liz drives to Justine and Patrick’s school
and brings the baby, so after work I pick up all
the kids and take them home with me while
Liz works second shift. The school is just five
minutes from my office.
Daycare is so expensive... $95/day for four
hours. And I didn’t have the opportunity to stay
home with my other two kids, so I feel blessed
this time. And Justine and Patrick are a big
help in the car. They switch and take turns in
the back seat with Eli, feeding him during the
long ride.
LQ: Eli does have serious allergies, so he has
to be fed often. It took us awhile to figure it all
out, but he is allergic to dairy and soy and such.
Even with special formula he has trouble, but

54

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he’s getting better.
EQ: The formula is from the pharmacy: it’s a
liquid, and one can lasts about 2 days. Each can
costs $60.
RWNM: Oh my gosh, the bills just keep
coming!
EQ: Yeah, but it’s definitely been worth it. Eli
is amazing and it’s great to see Liz with him.
They look so much alike!
LQ: Yeah, just watching him grow everyday –
it’s a miracle, it really is. It’s a gift.
RWNM: And do you have advice you’d offer
other couples who are considering bringing a
child into their lives?
LQ: Don’t wait! -That’s my advice. I know
a guy at work and he’s twenty-five years old
and he and his wife just think because they
are young they’re not going to have any
problems… I tell him not to wait. You never
know what’s going to happen or what it’s
going to be like. That is my only regret. Elena
actually wanted to become a surrogate mother
for a gay couple, but at this point I think it’d be
too much for her body.
RWNM: Again, our Congratulations to
you all! We know that Eli is an adored and
cherished little boy.
EQ: Words can not come close to describing
the happiness that we feel in our hearts. We
have become so much closer during the whole
pregnancy. There were many times along the
way that we didn’t think we were going to make
it; as a matter of fact before we got pregnant, we
had decided that this was going to be our last
try. We were so drained, emotionally, physically
and financially that we just couldn’t keep going.
But our Faith and Love through it all kept us
strong. We could not think of anyone else in
the world that we would want to share this
amazing, life-changing experience with than
one another. ...And of our course our family at
Rainbow Wedding Network Magazine! Thank
you for giving us this opportunity once again.
RWNM: Thank you! And again, All the Best
to the entire Quinones Family!