signs of emotional abuse

HOW DO YOU BECOME IMPERVIOUS TO ABUSE?

The most important thing to remember is that you have the full right to protect yourself if someone is abusing you, threatening you, or not allowing you to live the life you deserve. Here the real tragedy is that the person abusing you is the person you love. Here you have to learn to protect from the abusive behavior by separating the interaction with your husband from the relationship you have with him.

Questions like: why is he abusing me, if is he is supposed to love me? Is this the love he promised, etc, etc…are basic, and necessary…but not here in this post. Probably you have cried enough bitter tears about this painful contradiction: How is it that the person who has to love you the most, is hurting and humiliating you the most? Here I beg you to move from that agony and accept that (whatever love promises were there) you need to protect yourself. Is your basic human right to protect yourself. You are not doing anything wrong with your loved one; you are just defending yourself and that is your fundamental right.

Here are 10 Steps to Defend From Verbal Abuse:

1. While he is abusing you, your husband is measuring your reaction. Try not to show a big impact, so his attack is blunted. Calm yourself doing controlled breathing and pausing your response. Don’t cry. Don’t beg. Don’t explode. Is better not to cry, if you can control yourself.

2. Don’t give explanations or information that answers his accusations. All the abuse is imaginary, so don’t respond to any insult. Keep breathing and make an effort not to hear the venom in his words.

3. You are not obligated to listen. If you react, you will find yourself back under the abuser’s control. Detach yourself from the abuse, and repeat to yourself: “this has nothing to do with who I am.” If more hurtful words are coming your way, ignore them and walk away.

4. If you want to stay and respond: Say: “I’ve stated clearly what I will not accept. …I want you to stop doing negative comments about me in front of friends or family. When you’re ready to respect my requests, let me know. I look forward to being together at that time.”

5. Later, when the anger is gone and you feel strong enough, let him know the impact of this abuse on you. Watch carefully if he is ready to listen, or there is a possibility that he will go in another tirade against you. Use some of these phrases, avoiding accusing him:

“I feel hurt when you say negative things about me.”

“I felt your critiques of me humiliating.”

“Hearing so many negative aspects of me, makes me feel depressed.”

6. Ask for positive feedback, to see if he is capable of giving it t you: “I want to hear what do you really appreciate in me.”

7. If he offers only more sarcasm or negative words, walk away. Have a plan to do some task, visit some relatives or go to the movies, but leave the house so you can collect yourself and feel calm again.

“I want to be with you, but if you call me any kind of name again, I will leave for a time. … If you persist in making that accusation, I will end our conversation.” …

8. Clearly state what you are willing to accept and are not willing to accept from the abuser.

“I want our relationship to continue, but I’m not willing to listen to name calling. …

“I’m not willing to hear your endless accusations.” …

“I’m not willing to endure any longer the pain of you using crude words to describe me.”

9. Have a mental plan ready, step by step, on what would you do if you decide to leave him. How safe is this plan?

10.Build support for yourself. Talk about abuse with your friends or relatives, get some free counseling from state entities, or join a chat online.

A CRUCIAL POINT TO REMEMBER:

The task of rebuilding your self-esteem after so many denigration accusations from the person you love, is still ahead of you. You will need time and effort to learn again to appreciate who you really are…and it will be the best effort of your life. Look ahead and think of the day you will live in an atmosphere of love and appreciation!Want more help to have a great self-esteem? Here is your copy of our book: “Boosting your self-esteem.”

Wishing you well,

How To Defend Yourself From Emotional Abuse, How To Defend Yourself From Emotional Abuse, How To Defend Yourself From Emotional Abuse, How To Defend Yourself From Emotional Abuse

Here you can find what each of the lessons in this course are about. Keep in mind that each of these lessons has extra tools to use, too, as well as a way of sharing your comments with others!

Lesson #1: Basic Ideas About Abuse

What if there was a new way of thinking about abuse that gave you power instead of taking it away? Of seeing yourself as a champion instead of a victim? Once you start talking about all that your abuser has taken away from you, you lose the critical skills you need to stop emotional abuse. What you instead need are the tools to see your life as yours, not your abuser’s, and that what he has taken from you is your confidence, not your power.

Lesson #2: Framing Abuse as Control

Why do people abuse others? Why does your abuser abuse you? These are questions you’ll need to answer as you begin thinking about how you’re going to put a stop to the emotional abuse in your relationship. There are some very simple concepts about an abuser’s mindset that will help you understand how little about you abuse is, and how insecure your abuser really is.

Lesson #3: The Price You Pay for Emotional Abuse

It’s also critical that you learn what can happen if you decide to “ride it out.” The time for passiveness has passed; now is your time to see your situation for what it is. You will understand what your abuser has tried to take from you, how he has tried to crush you, by taking a realistic look at what awaits anyone who stays under the toxic influence of emotional abuse.

Lesson #4: Do You Fight or Leave?

Many will tell you to just give up on your abuser. We don’t. We accept that many women will want to do all they can to stay with their abuser, whether out of love, loyalty, financial difficulty, or mutual children. What we give you here is a breakdown of how you can stop emotional abuse both in and out of a relationship (that is, whether you fight abuse in the home, or fight it by leaving). Each of these options is harder than it seems, and that’s why you need a checklist of the preparations and precautions you need to keep in mind.

Lesson #5: Recovering Your Best Self

Only you know how deeply hurtful emotional abuse has been for you. Your personality will determine how long it will take to recover from the shock of being abused by a loved one. Although each person’s recovery time is different, there is a process that each person must take in order to recover critical aspects like self-esteem, self-love, confidence, strength, and the ability to stop abuse when or if it occurs again.

Lesson #6: Fulfilling Your Life Mission

Your last task in overcoming emotional abuse is to halt the worst effect of abuse: the idea that you need your abuser to make you a real person. With a strong sense of what you want from life, and how you’re going to get it, you can become a person who is strong and tall as a castle wall – abuse can’t break through your protective barriers! You will no longer give any thought to those people who try to tell you that you’re nothing without them.

This is a new course in overcoming emotional abuse, made specifically for women who are in emotionally abusive relationships, and don’t know where to turn for help. This course is the continuation (part 2) of our new book, called Healing from Emotional Abuse. If you have not read this book yet, we highly recommend that you read this book before taking the course, as it will introduce you to concepts that will be helpful to you.

When you register, this book is included in the price of your registration

In this course, you will receive in-depth lessons on both the basics of emotional abuse and the harder aspects, such as leaving and protecting your mental health. Each lesson is a way for you to both learn more about the toxic abuse in your life, and respond to us with your concerns, doubts and struggles (each lesson has a private survey at the end for you to participate in).

We made this course because we believe that no matter how strong a woman is, she can be crushed by emotional abuse’s toxic barrage of:

Membership in our forum, where you can support and be supported by other women taking the course

Online webinars given by Coach Nora.

Private phone coaching with Dr. Nora

New materials provided each month to keep you growing and thinking!

Through this course, you can take a deep look at your life and your abuse situation, and make the important decisions you need to make regarding the future of your marriage, your emotional well-being, and how you want to stop the emotional abuse in your life.

Are you wondering how Healing Emotional Abuse + the Overcoming Emotional Abuse course will help you? It’s simple.

You may start here…

But you can end up here!

Make no mistake: this course will change your relationship. If you’re willing to put this course into practice, you will have the tools you need to stop emotional abuse. You may decide to leave, or decide to stay, but you will no longer have the same attitude about your life. You will demand respect as a human being, deny humiliation and control attempts, and fulfill your need to be deeply appreciated and loved. You will be given the tools to seek out the life that you want, and happily pursue it! Here is the link to the Overcoming Emotional Abuse Course: