Life: Are We Doing It Wrong?

Am I doing it wrong? I’ve asked myself this question countless times in the past. I don’t do that very often anymore. These days, when I do ask myself this question, it’s more about whether or not I’m sticking to the plans I’ve made, relative to reaching the goals I’ve set for myself. It’s asked in the spirit of brainstorming and strategizing, as oppose to worrying if I’m making the right decisions for my life.

We can spend our whole lives questioning and second-guessing ourselves and our choices, but frankly, that’s just a waste of time and a waste of a life. I’ve spent a whole decade thinking about all the things I did “wrong” in the decade prior; all the choices I made that led to chaos, and those that led to insurmountable brick walls. I wasted so much time beating myself up because my life hadn’t taken the course I’d originally plotted, and putting myself down because of the choices I’d made. Then a few years ago, I suddenly realized what I was doing and how it was negatively affecting me in the present moment. Most importantly, I realized how misguided my self-criticism had been. Because, over time I’d started to separate myself from my past experiences. And before long I’d become a stranger on the outside of my own life, looking in, and being a judgmental little jerk. I had to remind myself of all the reasons why I did the things I did, why I made the choices I’d made. And in doing so I was reminded that almost every choice was made after careful consideration and was in fact the best decision, for me, in that moment. This was true for almost all the things about which I’d been criticizing myself. For every job, project, friendship or relationship I’d ever walked away from, there was a very good reason for doing so. I’d weighed the pros and cons and had decided what was the best course of action for me at the time.

What I needed to do was accept that, for better or worse, this is where my choices have led me. In order to ensure my own happiness and peace of mind, I had to reconcile with that and try to build a meaningful life from that point onward; using my past mistakes as a guide. And that’s precisely what I’m doing now.

So, are we doing it wrong? The easy answer is: No, wrong or right is relative. The not-so-easy answer is: Yes…and no. Yes, because sometimes we make mistakes and those mistakes frequently make things difficult for ourselves and others as well. But no, because for the most part, I believe we make our decisions based on what we know; the information we are given or have acquired on our own, and the tools and resources we have on hand at the time. That’s what it means to survive!

The fact of the matter is we’re human, we can’t know everything. And for that reason we will undoubtedly make mistakes. Lots of them! Things won’t always go the way we’d like or the way we’ve planned, but when we do the absolute best that we can with the resources that are available to us, that is when we’re doing it “right”. Take care!