Expert tips to bring you closer to your partner during sex

Bring on the lovemaking
- byMolly Triffin

Jun
2016

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Sometimes you want it rough and animalistic, complete with hair pulling. And occasionally, you’re in the mood for a scorching-hot quickie. But chances are, you also crave the kind of intimate sack sesh you’ve read about in romance novels.

“Being connected to your partner makes you feel desired, which is a powerful arousal trigger,” says sex therapist Linda De Villers, author of Love Skills. Here's how to get close to your guy (or girl!) between the sheets.

Slow Jam

After spending plenty of time on foreplay, have him enter you sloooowly, inch-by-inch. Ask him to slide in partway and then pull out once or twice before immersing himself completely, says De Villers. Once he’s inside you, move in a slow, deep, grinding rhythm, as opposed to jackrabbit-style thrusting. “Feeling emotionally close is about going at a leisurely pace,” says De Villers. “When you take the time to enjoy each other during every moment, you’ll feel more connected.”

Give Him The Gaze

We know it sounds corny, but stay with us: Look into your partner’s eyes and imagine that you’re trying to see his soul. (If his eyes are closed, say, “Open your eyes. I love looking at you.”) “People feel truly understood when someone is looking into their eyes,” says De Villers. “Not to mention, one would be hard-pressed to think about things like the grocery list while making intense eye contact.” It ensures that you’re both 100 per cent in the zone. Of course, there’s a fine line between a loving gaze and a stalker stare. When things start to feel intense, maintain eye contact just a couple of beats longer than comfortable before breaking away.

Go Back To First Base

When was the last time you played a serious game of tonsil hockey? Many couples let good old-fashioned makeout seshes fall to the wayside once they’re in a LTR. But tongue-on-tongue action has big payoffs in the intimacy department. “Kissing during the act deepens your connection because it makes sex less goal-focused,” says De Villers. It’s not just about trying to get off; it’s about heightening your bond. If you’re in a position where you’re facing each other, slow down your movements and lock lips for a minute or two.

Get Out Of The O Zone

Consider taking a quick breather from the below-the-belt activity to kiss and caress each other from head to toe. “Being attentive to one another’s entire bodies—instead of honing in on the obvious boobs and crotch—makes the experience so much more romantic,” says De Villers. “It’s practically impossible not to feel closer afterwards.” One super sensual spot that many people forget about: the face. Stroke your fingertips along the sides your partner’s face during intercourse. “This is particularly intimate and tender,” she says.

Matching your inhales and exhales to your partner’s ensures your focus stays on each other. “Synchronized breathing is a part of a tantric approach to sex, which is all about forming a union,” says De Villers. Place your hand on his chest until you feel the rhythm, and let your torso naturally rise and fall in tandem with his. Just make sure you’re both taking deep breaths. “Not only does this calm you down, making you feel cared for, but it leads to more satisfying sex,” she says. “Your body has to be relaxed in order to trigger the sexual response cycle.”

Feel All The Feels

Spoon-style sex, where you’re lying on your sides with his torso curled around your back while he penetrates you from behind, is one of the most intimate positions, says De Villers. Not only is it the ultimate skin-on-skin option, but he can wrap his arms around you and you can feel his hot breath on the back of your neck. Other intimacy-boosting positions are those that bring you face-to-face with your bodies pressed against each other—like missionary or cowgirl.

Sweeten Up Dirty Talk

Instead of carnally-charged phrases (“I want you,” “You’re so sexy,” “You get me so hot”), use words that emphasize your connection: “I love you inside me,” “You feel so good in me,” “I feel so close to you,” or the obvious but powerful, “I love you so much." Another intimacy-enhancing tip: “Talking about the way your partner smells and tastes is incredibly personal,” she says. During oral sex, tell him, “I love your scent,” or “You taste so good.” Can’t get much more intimate than that.