There weren’t a lot of thruples on the red carpet at the Met Gala last night. But that’s ok, you only need one when that one thrupple is as extra as Jared Leto, Lana Del Rey and Alessandro Michele, the creative director at Gucci. I feel like there’s a long hair in my mouth, Yuck. I actually feel like I have hairs all over me now. Shit!

Seriously, Jared? “We came, we saw we had a fucking blast”? That’s the best you can come up with? How’s this for a Headline: Gucci Gang Sought For Questioning In Olive Garden Dine And Dash Incident Following yhe Met Gala. You’d think a method man like Jared might come up with something more specific like, “We’re going for Baroque, tonight bitches!” He should have had that one locked and loaded.

It sounds like Alessandro found a lot of this gaudy stuff hanging around his apartment. He probably shops the remnants bin at Joann and trolls the Vatican City Party City on the regular for a lot of this stuff. Lana’s outfit has some very direct Catholic references. She’s modeled after Mother Mary and The Seven Sorrows.

Lana Killed The Met Gala theme . I’m not he biggest Lana del Ray fan but I find this one most inspiring pic.twitter.com/y1LsbAcoXg

I’m sure you’d have a hard time keeping your energy up too if you have a bunch of swords piercing your heart and Jared Leto was your date. Lana even went so far as to bring an extra set of fake eyes so you can’t tell when she’s nodding off.

lana knows her iconography and i also would pluck out my eyes like st lucy if i had to stand next to jared leto at an event pic.twitter.com/wSsLE3aInt

Some people have said that Jared is dressed like Jesus but I’m not seeing it. I’m actually not convinced Jared’s dressed up at all. I’m pretty sure he was spotted at the side of the road with his thumb out in Wyoming a few weeks ago wearing this exact same outfit. A lot of people seemed to think Jared is supposed to be Jesus but the only Jesus I see is me saying “Jesus, Jared! Get over yourself. And stop bogarting all the breadsticks!”.

Here’s the album cover for The Gucci Gang’s first single, All Eyz On Thee.

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