Polish Commish Ray Kelly may be angling to become Mayor, or, if Hillary Clinton becomes President, her Homeland Security chief. A math teacher in Brooklyn got Mickey Rooney and Celeste Holm to star in his $50,000 indie romance flick. Ron Burkle hung out at Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel with Kate Hudson and two other blondes. Giselle is selling her West Village two-bedroom (replete with hot tub and grilling deck) for $10.9 million. Page Six contends that Vanity Fair is not killing a piece on Bill Clinton buddy Jeffrey Epstein and that Vogue's Meredith Melling Burke did not go around Nantucket trying to pick up townies, contrary to what Gawker says. Diddy reportedly called a door girl at Gold Bar a "fucking bitch" when she asked him how many people were in his party.

The Max Azria show was jam-packed with socialites and celebrities alike, but none of them seemed to matter once the lights dimmed and Nicole Richie — wearing a bump-concealing, floaty thing — made a beeline for her seat. "You can only tell she's pregnant by her boobs," squealed the girl next to us. "She looks so much better with the baby weight on," announced another as we all stared at the wings tattooed on her less-bony shoulder blades. Well comparatively less bony. But it's a start.

Forget about the clothes, it's the parties! There are too many to fêtes to mention all of them, but here are five you don't want to miss. Don't have an invite? New York's Jada Yuan and the Fug Girls will be there to report back on the glamour and the gaffes. Check our continuing party coverage throughout the week for all the photos and gossip.
What: Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week kickoff
Where:The Box, 189 Chrystie St., nr. Stanton St.
When: February 1, 9 p.m.
Who: Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Michael C. Hall, and L.A. band Shiny Toy Guns.
Why to go: Patrick Bateman may not be there, but Jessica Stam can still cozy up to Dexter.
What: Vionnet launch
Where:Barneys New York, 660 Madison Ave., at 61st St.
When: February 2, 6 p.m.–8 p.m.
Who: Everyone. Victoria Bartlett, Gilles Bensimon, Valerie Steele, Phillip Lim, Olivia Chantecaille, Meredith Melling Burke, Padma Lakshmi, Sally Singer, and, of course, Sophia Kokosalaki.
Why to go: To get a first glimpse of the resurrected French label.
What: Rock & Republic after-party
Where:Hiro Ballroom, the Maritime Hotel, 371 W. 16th St., at Ninth Ave.
When: February 2, 10 p.m.
Who: Mark Ronson, designer Mark Ball, and a gaggle of catwalkers. Lady Sovereign will perform at midnight.
Why to go: Promises to be the best concert of the week.
What: Marc Jacobs after-party
Where: The MJ bash is the most sought-after invite. Details are on the deep DL.
When: February 5
Who: The Olsens, the Roitfelds, Jessica Stam and every model worth looking at.
Why to go: If you have to ask, that's why you're not there.
What:Heatherette after-party
Where:Roseland Ballroom, 239 W. 52nd St., nr. Broadway
When: February 6, 10:30 p.m.
Who: Lydia Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer, Amanda Lepore, and Paris Hilton.
Why to go: Best place to fly your freak flag.