After attending three years of college at two different
schools, I consider myself a collegiate expert. Now, I know what you’re
thinking, “where do you get off labeling yourself an expert?” And to that, I
respond with, “ha, you said “get off.’”

Moreover, I have come home to discuss college life with my
best friends FIVE times! That’s almost eight times! Point is, I’ve become a
pretty good bullshit detector. Everybody has the one high school friend who
talks about how many girls/guys they got with, how many parties they went to,
how much booze they drank, etc. In addition to that, I’m going to address a few
other stories and comments that your high school friends will inevitably run by
you, and what they actually mean. Pay close attention the gender of the person
saying.

What he says: Dude, this semester was two words: IN. SANE. Different
girl every night, parties every weekend, basically just drunk the whole time.
So much fun.
What he means: First off, his vocabulary needs work. Second, he was likely
drunk the whole time, and there were parties every weekend, however he was not
attending them. The different girl every night? You’d be amazed how many girls
there are in the adult entertainment industry.

What she says: Oh my god I had so much fun! My roommate is
the best. We go out a lot but it’s not too crazy, although this one time”¦no I
shouldn’t say. But it was so fun!!!
What she means: I have syphilis. And after three weeks of investigation, I have
figured out that I had to have gotten it from one of seven guys. Also my roommate and I make out a lot. Want to
watch for ten bucks?

What he/she says: I got a 4.0!
What he/she means: My school and/or major is really easy.

What he says: I don’t know man, I’m really feeling this
music thing. A couple of guys and I started jamming together, and we sound
good, bro. Am I crazy for thinking that?
What he means: Next time I see you, I won’t be in college anymore.

What she says: I miss you guys! High school was so much fun!
Do you remember that time [insert random story here]??
What she means: I am not nearly as popular as I thought I would be.

What he/she says: Damn, it is cold! I feel like I can’t wear
anything but sweatpants!
What he/she means: I have gained at least 40 pounds from beer and beer alone.

What she says: Your father and I had a great time while you
were gone! I haven’t felt love like that since”¦well since you were”¦er”¦CHICKEN’S
DONE.
What she means: Exactly what she said. Stop trying to talk about college
stories with your mom, weirdo.

Remember readers, your friends from home are an integral
part of your life. For some, they are your best friends. For others, they
provide a low, low bar at which to set your standards for college. But for a
lucky select few? Well, they can damn well be both.

Besides the stars and stripes trend in fashion, the Cards making it to October, and our God-given right to buy 64 oz. cups of soda, there is another reason to love AMURRICA. Guilt forces us into a high school gymnasium, patrolled by the local Council on Aging, to check off a box on a sheet... MORE »

As the much-anticipated sweater weather season and the equally-exciting midterms season have finally come upon us, the natural habitat of the WashU student has shifted dramatically. On a late night studying for midterms, you might ask yourself, as I do, what is this new territory of academia and imprisonment? Of studies and dungeons? Of all-nighters and... MORE »

Team 31 would like to formally apologize to Student Life and any other student organization that advertised that Wolfgang Gartner would be coming to WILD. “The truth is, we actually wanted to approach WILD differently this year. Nobody ever likes the bands, but everybody likes food, so we pooled the budget and hired Wolfgang Puck... MORE »

A scientifically minded person like myself often wonders about the inner workings of this turbulently changing world. For example, how does one double space a word document? Forever a mystery! But today I bring you the greatest mystery of all. And no, it isn’t the reason why people actually choose to sit in the B... MORE »

I am a huge proponent of eating breakfast. There is nothing like a good Chobani session. Am I right, ladies? And what could be better than Greek yogurt and/or four-month-old boxes of stale cereal to fuel you through your day? Let’s kick things up a notch… to something super secret, super special, super sweet and/or savory, superhero level of... MORE »

There was a horse-drawn carriage on campus today (it might still be roaming around if you wanna chase it). See the photo for confirmation. I can’t be the only person at WashU wondering what in the world that was doing here. These are my thoughts on what the administration must’ve been thinking when they approved... MORE »

Everyone’s got that girl…she lives in your building, on your floor, is in one of your classes. You see her everywhere and she refuses to acknowledge your existence. Here’s my ode to you. We’ve all got one, in spring through fall,The evil girl from down the hall.She may be short, or maybe tall,The evil girl... MORE »

Wellbridge Athletic Club & Spa located in Clayton, MO is home to the fittest and richest Wash U students. But you are in luck, Stud Life is offering a one-week free trial for you to get a sneak peak of all that you love and everything you can’t afford. Act quickly, this offer expires on... MORE »

WUSTL.EDU’s official video “Life at Washington University in St. Louis” Showing prospective freshmen the true highlights of our campus and daily college life”¦OUR STUNNING TULIPS. We get it”¦Wash U likes flowers. Check it out at http://wustl.edu/about/sightsandsounds/ MORE »

I know what you’re thinking. You think you’re helpless, a lost cause, a waste of an abominable amount of tuition money because one week of the first semester has gone by (for those of us in the B-School) and you’ve yet to attend a single class. And why? Those damn crafty eyelids won’t slide up... MORE »

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! I couldn’t be more excited. Of all our 6000 some-odd students, I get to write the review of 2011 at Wash U! This is truly an honor,... MORE »

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! It’s the moooooost, wonderful tiiiime, of the yeeeeeear! Holiday season gets me so excited. Family, presents, homecooked meals, no schoolwork, and that odd thing called “a... MORE »

Consider my Campus Basement writing cherry popped! With the semester coming to a close, I thought I’d steer clear of finals for my first article here. Finals are like my beloved Washington Redskins: they suck. So, I thought it best to avoid them and to focus on next semester. And, if you’re anything like me... MORE »