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at 190 I am going to have a 1 dinner of pizza and beer!
at 175 I am going to get my hair done and new bra from VS,
at 160 I am going shopping.

So I did eat a fresco steak taco for dinner after only eating an apple yesterday and lost 1.5. 150 calories from taco bell. I needed a 'treat'.

Tonight I went to Applebee's and had a 7 oz sirloin and steamed broccoli. I had a little ketchup. All I had else was an apple. Hopefully I will at least be at 204 in the morning. I also had a ton of green tea. Came home and well had a 'cleansing' episode. LOL...

My mom brought over my favorite coffee cake.. My husband and son had a piece but after she left I threw the rest away. I would cheat for sure.

Being at the restaurant was difficult. Beer, ice cream, french fries, and fried food. I almost caved. Then some obese girls walked by me. One had a fatty deposit almost hump looking thing on her back. I always feel like I have one of these. I can grab the fat between my shoulders just below my neck.. When I am in my 170's that is gone. It's sad to say but i think seeing that girl made me not cheat.

Another thing is my husband.

You see, my husband is 8.5 years younger then me. He is very fit, a roofer. He has a beautiful tattoo'd body. He is 6'1, 25 and just sexy. He doesnt see it. I was about 170 when we met. I am 5'9 and normally nicely curvy and have a bigger chest (now droopy due to having a baby at 33). I honestly think if I looked like this (204lbs) when we met, it never would have happened. Ugh. I took great care of myself. He told me today, he didnt think I was fat, he thinks i am perfect. I love him so much. Anyway, I think I deserve to keep myself kept up for him. He adore's me. I love it. He is a wonderful dad and husband. God forbid he gets turned off by how I look.

We are an odd pair. He is 25 and I am 34. I have a Master's he didnt finish High School. I have an 11 year old, they love to play video games together. He is covered in tat's and works in construction, I work in corporate america and usually have to dress in yuppie garb. His dad's a biker, my dad was a Gideon. He likes dubstep and classic rock, I love country and euro-rock/brit pop. These are only a few.

He is sleeping soundly to my left, our 3 month old in his cradle on the right. I realize I am so blessed. With these two and my 11 year old, I can't go wrong.