Before we had Leela, I posted about being sad and confused that people who just recently had a baby could end up splitting up, after they'd been through so much to conceive their baby. Since we've had her, I really notice that it has kicked our conflicts up a notch. Before we really were two independent functioning adults, and didn't have much to disagree on, but with a little one that we both adore, we find ourselves in conflict sometimes and less willing to just back down.

Its funny because it comes from love for both of us. But our priorities are shifting and I think we're trying to figure out how to communicate that. He is fantastic as a Dad - he looks for every opportunity to be with her and snuggle her, and he is so into learning about babies now. And he is still great as a husband - constantly checking in and being supportive and sweet. Its just interesting how much changed.

I love this!

Me and Mr. J have definitely gone through intense struggles and growth since having children. We've gone from "Let's be independent together" to "Let's be interdependent together." It's tough, and before he started to get help with his debting problem I was pretty sure we were going to get divorced. It's all working out. He is an awesome partner. He's my best friend. He loves that I'm vegan, supportive of it, tries everything I make, encourages me to do things that makes me happy, supportive of my sobriety, is an awesome dad, and still writes me love letters. Since we work opposite shifts, I often wake up in the a.m. to sweet little notes or he's stopped to get me a chocolate bar on the way home. He's getting better because he recognizes he needs to take care of himself like he takes care of me. That's a pretty recent development on his part, and it is truly transforming his spirit.

He's also pretty awesome because when he proposed to me, he did it at a monkey sanctuary. He also consented to a Simpson's themed wedding and dressed up like Homer. Everyone else I've ever been with would break up with me after meeting my family. He proposed.

My partner was so awesome today. Yesterday was my birthday, and today we were ging to celebrate by going to this vegan holiday festival in nyc. Unfortunately, our car broke down (wouldn't leave the driveway). So instead, he spent the entire afternoon cooking for me. He made:

V has been so amazing today. I was super bummed after our visit with the midwife because I really felt like something could potentially happen soon. I am an impatient person and am having a hard time just going with things.

Not to mention his mom is all over me lately, saying how she just knows this baby is coming soon. She's starting to drive me nuts with multiple calls a day, continuing to insist that we let her know once things start happening even though we have told her a million times that we won't be calling people until after the birth to avoid exactly what she is doing now and having me feel pestered and stressed. It's not just her either, my mom & dad are doing the same forking thing. That combined with our visit makes me feel like I really have no clue what is happening and kind of stressing me out even though I know I should just relax and let things happen.

Anywho, what I was getting at was V was super sweet when we got home. He set me up in bed, gave me a big hug and told me to just relax, have a cry if I wanted and to just holler at him if I needed or wanted anything. Then later on he took me out to get a steamed soy milk with hazlenut (yum) and we took a drive to look at Xmas lights, one of my favorite holiday activities that we missed out on last year. It might snow here soon, so he made sure the carseat was all installed in the car just in case we have to go to the hospital for any reason.

Before our appt with the midwife, we went for a little walk around the waterway nearby and saw a whole bunch of swans. The whole walk he kept asking me if I wanted him to time any contractions I was having and didn't want us to go too far just in case something started happening.

Despite feeling super discouraged today, he made me feel like everything will be okay and that allowed me to relax a tiny bit, which is huge because tend to fixate on things sometimes and have a really hard time realizing that they don't matter all that much.

V has been so amazing since Jordan was born. At first he was really nervous to hold him, change a diaper and be left alone with him but he still did all of those things to help me out. I haven't really slept at all, I have been trying to sleep when he does but sometimes I just can't. I had a little moment of panic the other day when I thought he stopped breathing and V was so calm & collected, I don't know what I would do without him. I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

Aww Jordan! That is my little brother's name! I couldn't sleeep at all when wolverine was first born. It was a mixture of not wanting him to leave my sight and needing to know he was still breathing and the excitement of it all.

My partner has been really great. He gets up with me, changes most of the diapers, does chores, etc. pretty much running as ragged as me. Everyone that visits goes on and on about hOw wonderful it is that he is helpful, which is great, but also kInda insulting to fathers in general and sexist. It shouldn't be some amazing parade worthy thing that he is helping to parent. No one comments on my work for the baby. It's just assumed that I'm supposed to do everything.

I am super sick with The Cold From Hell today, so my husband took poopiebaby out for over FIVE HOURS so I could rest! I took a three hour nap! I still feel like crepe, but not nearly as bad as if I'd spent the day chasing around a toddler.

Since you mentioned Tealeaf - are you watching Black Mirror? It's brilliant.

I loved it! I could not believe they actually put the one about the PM on TV (I haven't thought that about anything since Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights)! It would be great if there were more episodes. I bought an exercycle* this week and now I can't stop imagining myself earning merits.

Hubby and I agreed not to buy each other holiday gifts as we're penny pinching with the baby and me being off work for a year, but he got me a gift anyway. I opened a little gift bag to find half a pack of cigarettes and his lighter - mine to throw away! Every time he asks me what I want for a gift I always say for him to quit smoking, so this was the best gift EVER!

Chris is so excited about the baby coming (due date is 6 weeks from today!) that he put together the bouncer and cosleeper we bought on Friday night when we got home. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but he's the king of procrastination, so it kind of is.

Also, he makes up little songs for the baby while we're getting ready for work in the mornings. It's adorable.

_________________Never wear your good pants when you go to fight for freedom.