New Schizophrenia Drug could cut number of sufferers by half.

In recent trials, it was found to be very good at reducing multiple personality traits.
According to the 2 spokesmen, it was so effective that eventually two people could have just one personality between them. Apparently, David Cameron & Nick Clegg took part in the trial

An innovative drug treatment for Alzheimer's disease was today approved by NICE. Previous treatments have focused on taking Aricept alongside Ebixa, Merz’s latest drug. Unfortunately, the combination is prohibitively expensive and NICE has previously been unwilling to prescribe it in the majority of cases, causing significant controversy.

However, in a brand new treatment protocol, drugs companies Pfizer and Merz have agreed to a joint venture to produce new drug Aribixanide. This combines alternating packets of Aricept and Ebixa in one and a lethal dose of cyanide in the other; both packets are indistinguishable.

Both companies hope people will be tempted to take the new drug on the 50:50 chance of getting the best possible formulation, thus maximising profits. The new drug will be promoted with the slogan ‘Go on, give in to Aribixanide.’

NICE commented today to say that it was admittedly an unusual move but given the fact that the Government was probably going to shut them down next week, they had basically given up.