From my heart through a computer to heal my soul

At fifteen years old, when I started to be a little distracted by boys, one day I turned to looked back to my father to keep up with his stories but I never saw him again. A huge plane felt over our nearest city and he was coming out from his work, going back to my mothers socks small factory and he never made it. Plane felt over a factory and killed him. At the age of 49 he left this existence and become my world guide from a different form. It took me more than 20 years to understand what have happened that day. A common day, a simple day, another day that changed my life.

After three years of traveling all over Colombia with my mother and brother as if we were looking for my father soul or his voice or his stories, I finally found a place where I felt I was again home: The Rainforest. I arrived there at the age of 18 years after looking everywhere for my fathers visions and thoughts. Nature was part of my life since I was born. Fishes and the forest were all over my dreams and experiences and in just one day everything was gone. So when I finally returned to the rainforest I found a perfect place where to started my life again. I found more than I thought. I found not just nature which provides me what I needed the most but I found friends. New ones. Women and young people with their own stories. Children with hope. Families with faith. Love and tenderness in each Afro Colombian I met inside the jungle. With many of them I built a new family and learnt new ways to get connected to the world. They taught me about compassion and illusions. Their stories about their slaves relatives help me to understand a human race we should never be again. Life was perfect. I got in love and got a baby which grew up there for a few years until paradise was gone. I had to leave the rainforest as one of my best friends got raped over his dead husband and I had also a tremendous experience with five guerrilla boys. They almost raped me while I was nurturing my kid and my husband almost got killed as he tried to stopped them. As I write this, I can not stopped the tears over my cheeks as I still can not understands specially what have happened in those boys childhood to get such a bad hearts. I hope their mother might have done their best, buy I also know those mothers might have had difficult lives themselves.

I encouraged women to get out their silence. Any type. All. Anyone. I started working with them as the young one´s to help them to find a way. With a small computer connected to a social telephone line gave us all hope. It show us what was happening out there....and still is.

Martha,
I enjoyed reading your journal entry. I think you did a great job of writing an engaging, deeply personal story. I like the description of your journey after your father died, I think that really draws in the reader. You mention working with "little ones," I was wanting to know more about your work with children and exactly how you're helping them to "find a way." I was also wanting to know more about your personal vision to help others end their silence. How do you see yourself using the online community to help reach your goals?

Thanks for sharing, I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Sincerely,
Lisa

Thanks for reading my journal. It is so nice to received emails letting me know someone read what came from my heart......
I used to work with little ones and their mothers in the rainforest but now l do not lived there and here in the mist I work with women groups.

Back there I showed them different ways to find a path. They did not believe they have a chance to find ways to play, enjoy their childhood or to get out of their difficult life in the rainforest. Through art, movies, internet buy mainly observing their whole world which was close to them they find new perspectives which expand their mind.

I believed that when we speak we heal. I will encourage everyone to speak so they can feel the amazing experience of freedom. Spirits are free and we might allow them to fly, to go everywhere, to dream and to spoke to all of us through ending silence. Silence is just beautiful in nature and although we are nature if we need to tell something we will have to give our personal stories to universe to help us to understand the whole picture.

Online allows me to reach a network I do not see but which I know it exist. Getting to that invisible lines I do not see but I feel, helps me to believe we might be getting to many other existing points. You are at some point of this existence living some experiences while I am here in the mist having my own living experiences, dreams, fears and many other feelings.....and despite how far we are I feel my thoughts and my mind is sending messages to my computer to find listeners at some other points...my goal is to communicate, to let others known that life is so precious and so short....

I am awed by your story. Your writing is even more powerful this week and I could hear your voice loud and clear. My attention was riveted by the story of your father, your mentor. Martha, your writing is more eloquent this week and extremely poignant. I found myself tearing up at you having to leave your rainforest life. I admire your fortitude at not hating the almost rapists, but instead wondering what had happened in their lives to cause them to veer onto such a violent path.
Brava!
I look forward to next week.
All my best Terri

I found myself surprised being able to tell the story. We keep experiences in our hearts and allow them to make our lives a better or a sad path. I have decided to made my life a beautiful path even though experiences might not be what I dream, what I have wished.

Some nights I still found my self here in the mist looking at the trees as if those guys could come out from anywhere. I am still healing. From them and from leaving the rainforest. My kid is always waiting to go. Every time. Everyday. He is waiting for every rain as his spirit might feel finally home.

Just writing this while I am with some friends at a coffee in the nearest city my house made my self really sad. But it is important for me.

I was touched by your story and sense you are a very strong willed and determined woman in a time when we need women like this the most! You persevered in such hard times and have overcome terrible circumstances. You are a hero to all of us, and especially to your family.

You are a beam of light in a dark world and a beacon to others lost amidst the corrupt. Bless you and all that you do! Keep on keeping on!

Thanks Jan for your post. It also touches my heart. Specially when down here things are so complicated. Right now I am in a deepest point, but I am in the rainforest very close to a high tree and I am starting to climb it......and for sure I know that even it is going to be hard...when I reach the top I might see all the beauty I imagine there is.....I can feel it deep in my heart.