The Core Blog » Parodyhttp://blogs.bu.edu/core
news, events, and commentary from the Arts & Sciences Core CurriculumMon, 23 Mar 2015 14:30:13 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1Tenth Circle Added to Rapidly Growing Hellhttp://blogs.bu.edu/core/2015/03/18/tenth-circle-added-to-rapidly-growing-hell/
http://blogs.bu.edu/core/2015/03/18/tenth-circle-added-to-rapidly-growing-hell/#commentsWed, 18 Mar 2015 14:46:00 +0000http://blogs.bu.edu/core/?p=4411To current and former Core students, Dante’s Inferno brings to mind images of a nine-tiered Hell filled with sinners of various sorts. CC102 students, studious as they are, know the nine circles and their inhabitants like the back of their hands.

Reporting by the Onion, though, indicates that Dante’s descriptions are out-of-date: recent years have spawned sinners “far more evil than the original nine circles were equipped to handle.” Built for the likes of downsizing CEOs, telemarketers, and TV-exercise-show personalities, the new tier is known as Corpadverticus, or the Circle of Total Bastards. It promises to alleviate the serious overcrowding issues at the price of skewing the realm’s carefully arranged allegorical structure.

To read more about Inferno’s recent expansion, check out the full article here.

The taxi service Uber is taking Boston by force. With its mixed reviews in the media, riders wonder about their drivers as well as what services are offered outside Beantown. Lucky for us at the Core office, Professor Hamill left a copy of the New Yorker open to an article providing Uber reviews for Charon, boatman of Hades, who offers rides to anyone seeking cheap cab fare across the River Styx.

His services were met with mixed reviews: one rider complained about Charon’s refusal to play Beyoncé, and another rider was frustrated about his being wrapped in shadows and stabbed with a thousand blunt daggers upon attempting to delete the Uber app from his phone. Another rider appreciated Charon’s acceptance of different forms of payment, including ancient drachmas, babies’ blood, and Chase QuickPay.

What do you think, Core-ites? Has Charon become more or less accommodating since Virgil described him all those years ago?

The Onion rarely fails to deliver… this time it is their excellent twist on Dante’s Inferno which has caught the Core’s attention. All those who remember CC102’s Dantean struggles will appreciate this. Here is an extract:

CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL–After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.
…
“A nightmarishly large glut of condemned spirits in recent years necessitated the expansion of Hell,” inferno spokesperson Antedeus said. “The traditional nine-tiered system had grown insufficient to accommodate the exponentially rising numbers of Hellbound.”
…
“In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates–downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we’ve finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve.”
…
Among the tortures the Corpadverticus Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending Drive-Thru Bank, the Bottomless Pit of Promotional Tie-In Keychains, and the dreaded Chamber of Emotionally Manipulative Home Shopping Network Products.
…

His face contorted in the Misery of the Damned, a Disney lawyer said: “It’s hell here–there are no executive lounges, I can’t get any decent risotto, and the suit I have to wear is a cheap Brooks Brothers knock-off. I’m beeped every 30 seconds, and there’s no way to return the calls. Plus, I’m being boiled upside down in lard while jackals gnaw at the soles of my feet. If I could just reach the fax machine on that nearby rock, I could contact some well-placed associates and work something out, but it’s just out of my grasp, and it’s out of ink and constantly blinking the message, ‘Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge.'”

He then resumed screaming in agony.

]]>http://blogs.bu.edu/core/2013/10/18/the-onion-tenth-circle-added-to-dantes-hell/feed/0Thus Ate Zarathustrahttp://blogs.bu.edu/core/2011/02/25/thus-ate-zarathustra/
http://blogs.bu.edu/core/2011/02/25/thus-ate-zarathustra/#commentsFri, 25 Feb 2011 19:25:10 +0000http://blogs.bu.edu/core/?p=803Woody Allen gives a comical and tongue-in-cheek summary, complete with excerpt, of Nietzsche’s alleged lost book on dieting to The New Yorker:

No philosopher came close to solving the problem of guilt and weight until Descartes divided mind and body in two, so that the body could gorge itself while the mind thought, Who cares, it’s not me. The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? It was Leibniz who first said that fat consisted of monads. Leibniz dieted and exercised but never did get rid of his monads—at least, not the ones that adhered to his thighs. Spinoza, on the other hand, dined sparingly because he believed that God existed in everything and it’s intimidating to wolf down a knish if you think you’re ladling mustard onto the First Cause of All Things.

Is there a relationship between a healthy regimen and creative genius? We need only look at the composer Richard Wagner and see what he puts away. French fries, grilled cheese, nachos—Christ, there’s no limit to the man’s appetite, and yet his music is sublime. Cosima, his wife, goes pretty good, too, but at least she runs every day. In a scene cut from the “Ring” cycle, Siegfried decides to dine out with the Rhine maidens and in heroic fashion consumes an ox, two dozen fowl, several wheels of cheese, and fifteen kegs of beer. Then the check comes and he’s short. The point here is that in life one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.

Read the full text here. Can you think of any other Core authors’ approaches to food? Feel free to leave your thoughts below.