Thursday, June 4, 2009

Nothing seems to bring out the whackies and WTF's quite like a full moon. This isn't just my opinion, it's a fact. You can track it by ER data, police calls, etc. No one knows why. My guess is that it activates some primitive unidentified hormone, or cell group, or something, in our brains. Maybe related to the things that cause other animals to spawn, or howl, or whatever, when the full moon is out.

But I digress.

This afternoon an irate elderly lady called. My secretary is out, so my nurse and I are fielding the calls ourselves.

She chewed me out. "Dr Grumpy, my husband, Mr. Backpain, has been in the hospital for 2 days waiting to see you. Dr. Brilliantinternist is his regular doctor. Anyway, they're ready to discharge him home, but are still waiting for you to come say it's okay".

I told her I'd look into this. I hadn't received any hospital consults on this guy. Neither had my nurse. I even called my secretary at home. Nope, not her either. I listened to all 4 of the office's voicemail boxes to to see if something had been forgotten. Nope. Zip. Nada.

So I called Dr. Brilliantinternist to get to the bottom of it. I pride myself on seeing patients when called to do so, and it ticked me off that someone might think I was slacking off.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hey, Dr. Brilliantinternist, it's Ibee Grumpy"

Dr. Brilliantinternist: "Hi, Ibee. What's up?"

Dr. Grumpy: "A lady is calling saying I was supposed to see her husband, Mr. Backpain, at the hospital?"

Long pause.

Dr. Brilliantinternist: "He's not in the hospital. I just saw him here an hour ago."

Dr. Grumpy: "WHAT?!!! Why the hell is his wife calling me then?"

Dr. Brilliantinternist: "No idea. Sounds like SHE needs to see you, though. I'll have my secretary set it up".

"Ma'am, can you please tell me exactly what, if anything, you've been smoking? And your dealer's name, too. Because I'd like to share in some of that good sh&t myself"

I'm on call tomorrow night too - nuttin like a good 30 hour shift to enjoy the "educational opportunities" of medicine residency..... It brings out the crazies, but I'm pretty crazy myself by the end of that shift! If I get any good ones, I'll send em your way!

My theory about the full moon is that it makes evenings (at least up here in the Middle of Nowhere) very bright. This makes people do things out doors, like hiking, stabbing each other, etc, that they would have trouble doing in less-lit conditions.

You have GOT to divulge your location. Because there is either something seeping into the groundwater, or they have relocated the lower IQ population to your quaint town. Tell me, how does it feel to corner the market?

I mean we have some eccentric oddballs (hey, it's the Keys!) but your demographics take it to an art form!

Hey, I'll be thinkin' of ya this weekend, that is if I get a chance to think at all. I'll be working, too; and I'm sure it'll be balls-to-the-wall in the ER where I work both nights. By Monday morning, I'll be needing breakfast with the Captain (Morgan)!

There is something this almost full moon time, not the pt's are acting up, but the families sure are. On the floor yesterday (TR) and today, there are several sets of families that have been, well, nicely put-difficult. Even security was fed up with a set. I feel your pain, I had my own crazy set too...You are NOT alone!

I 100% agree about the full moon. I work in a hospital on the graveyard shift, and I must say, you can absolutely tell when there is a full moon. The ER always gets packed with stabings, shootings, motor vehicle accidents, etc., etc... I have a term for the stupidity that ensues from a full moon night, and that is "full-moon-itis".

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

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