Scoreline: 2-2 (Australia winning at Brisbane and Perth, England claiming a victory of righteous vengance at the Adelaide and a Swann-inspired triumph at Sydney, with Melbourne a scrappy, hrad-fought draw).
Top Runscorers: Simon Katich (overall top runscorer in series), Johnathan Trott
Top Wickettakers: Doug Bollinger (will get Strauss at least five times in the series), Graeme Swann (overall top wickettaker, including at least 8 at Sydney)
Dumpings: Marcus North, Steven Finn (through injury probably)
Debutant/Returning Players: Usman Khawaja (though hopefully not from an England perspective), Chris Tremlett
Flop of the Series: Michael Clarke
Surprise PACKAGE: Hauritz to claim a five-for in one test and Aussie to return to the forum and proclaim that he actually thought him by far Australia's best spinning option all along.

In the runs: Ricky, as he bloody well always does - will get a stack of runs against us, but only once go on to make a face-in-the dirt epic. Hussey will score more runs than most of the world seem to think, whilst everyone else in the Aussie line up will flatter to deceive. For England, the top order will continue to misfire and Matt Prior will come through on the rails to top the runscorers list.

Wicket Takers: On the grounds that our seamers are way too inconsistent over the course of the five Tests, I have to go for Swanny to top the tally. For the convicts, Hilfenhaus will work his arse off all series, but consistently bowl half a yard too short to get anyone out (let me be the first person ever to compare him to Corey Collymore), whilst Mitch will somehow contrive to top the lists having sent down his usual mish-mash of jaffas and ****e.

Dumpings: Kevin Pietersen will find himself on the outer by the time my plane lands in Melbourne having failed to cross fifty all tour. Eoin Morgan will then come in and make a century in his first knock, before failing to make double figures in either subsequent innings and being nicknamed "Northy", who retains his Baggy Green due to the fact that he has some unbelievably compromising photos of Jamie Cox and Mitchell Johnson's mum.

New Blood: Tremlett will almost certainly play a Test match when one of our pace attack breaks in half: and it wouldn't surprise me to see Shahzad wheeled in from Perth when another leg falls off. Khawaja appears to deserve a crack for the Aussies, but I expect to see Steve Smith play more often than Haley Joel Hauritz.

WTF: an injury to Matt Prior means I need to take the gloves for the final glorious session at Sydney. Back in reality, Tremlett retains his place having come in for whoever ends up injured. North to make one score between 30 and 80 and stun us all.

Only a bunch of convicts having been beaten 3-0 and gone 9 tests without a win and won just 1 in 11 against England could go into the home series saying they will win. England will win in Australia again this winter as they are a better side which they have shown this summer. 3-0 doesn't lie girls.

Being serious,has anyone thought they may have got their prediction wrong after the way the Aussies keep losing?

I know it is a different format but it is still the majority of the same players and losing becomes a habit.

Whatever you think this is hardly ideal preparation for the 25th.

I know England need to show form yet but as it stands at the moment they look the confident side who are relaxed and know their roles and Australia are scratching round looking for the right formula.Such a reverse in roles from the last 3 or 4 ashes series in Australia and we all know how they ended up.

Being serious,has anyone thought they may have got their prediction wrong after the way the Aussies keep losing?

I know it is a different format but it is still the majority of the same players and losing becomes a habit.

Whatever you think this is hardly ideal preparation for the 25th.

I know England need to show form yet but as it stands at the moment they look the confident side who are relaxed and know their roles and Australia are scratching round looking for the right formula.Such a reverse in roles from the last 3 or 4 ashes series in Australia and we all know how they ended up.

You keep trotting out this ****, but England have lost here every series since before you were born.

Now THAT'S a habit.

WWCC - Loyaulte Mi Lie"People make me happy.. not places.. people""When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life." - Samuel Johnson

"Hope is the fuel of progress and fear is the prison in which you put yourself" - Tony Benn