Beyond Cuban Twitter

“The U.S. Agency for International Development masterminded the creation of a ‘Cuban Twitter,’ a communications network designed to undermine the communist government in Cuba, built with secret shell companies and financed through foreign banks.” —The Associated Press

Minutes of the U.S. Agency for International Development Web-Hacking Actions Team (USAID WHAT), April 2, 2014

Meeting minutes from March 2, 2014, are confirmed.

Team leader addresses news reports on Project FF. The shutdown of Operation #BayOfPigs2 is confirmed, although the code name FREEDOM FLASHMOBS will be preserved for future use.

Guest speaker Gwyneth Paltrow introduces Project Mandarin GOOP, an e-mail newsletter that will introduce the Chinese to such wonders of democracy as eating raw food, working out for eight hours a day, and being shut in dark, hot rooms for self-correction and prolonged meditation.

Updates on Project North Korea Google Plus. A commercial airplane has been chartered to paper Pyongyang with “+1” flyers in the hope that the questions raised by the activity—what is this sign? what is its purpose? how do I even use it?—will encourage the people to demand better services and more transparency from the government. Volunteers to deal with Kinko’s are selected.

The head of the Africa Team brings the room up to speed on Project Subsistence Farmville. Unfortunately, gamification does not seem to lead to widespread adoption of the modern agricultural methods outlined at last month’s meeting. Nigeria, in particular, seems to use the program solely for the purpose of sending messages to strangers requesting gifts.

Colombian Netflix is tabled. The project’s proposed centerpiece, a U.S.A.I.D. original series titled “Breaking Bueno,” about a cartel leader turned undercover D.E.A. officer who has a terminal cancer diagnosis, was dismissed as “derivative” and “tired.” Proposal writer is reprimanded for saying, “It’s better than your stupid idea for Somali Snapchat.” Meeting is brought to order.

Presentation outlining Project KremlinCupid, a dating site aimed at certain newly single Russian government officials to channel their lust away from other lands and toward other people. High hopes expressed for this project, described as “not so much a coup d’état as a coup de coeur.” Because there are no volunteers to go on a date with user VladdySugarDaddy1, names are drawn from a hat.

Going-away party for Team Member Natalie is scheduled for next Wednesday. She will be missed.

Meeting adjourned to test Flappy Taliban.

Photograph by David Lees/Getty.

Caitlin Kelly is a senior Web producer at newyorker.com and the editor of the Sporting Scene blog.