How you know you’re not the narcissist: your proof

2. Blaming you: Similarly, the narcissist cannot accept any responsibility for any negative behaviours. A preferred ‘go to’ when attempts are made to hold the narc to account is to blame you for the issues raised.

In this scenario, you will get a dose of projection (i.e.: a diatribe about your narcissistic traits) being the cause of their behaviour. For instance, ‘you made me look elsewhere at other men/women. If you weren’t so abusive/controlling/focused on yourself, I wouldn’t have needed to’.

3. The ‘poor me’ routine, used:

a) with you to reinforce doubts as to who is the abusive party and triggering both your empathy for them, and fear of retribution if you do not amp up your supply; and

b) in smear campaigns with others, also used to obtain sympathy for them as the ‘injured party’ and to garner support that you just might be the narcissist.