You only know one ghost story – the one everyone knows; But what she didn’t realise was… the killer was in the back seat of her car the whole time!

Yeah, that one. Everyone’s heard it a million times, and, anyway, ghost stories just don’t cut it any more.

If you really want to terrify trick-or-treaters this year, simply tell them there’s no wi-fi on your front porch.

7. Pumpkin carving

The 12-year-old in you would love nothing better than scoring some scary teeth and eyes into that pumpkin on your doorstep.

But the real you cannot bring yourself to lay a hand on it, given you paid well over the odds for it in Waitrose, so you bring it back inside and turn it into a lovely soup instead.

8. Biting into a toffee apple

That loud crack you just heard? That used to be your front teeth.

9. TP-ing your principal’s house

Only Americans do this. Correction: only Americans in TV shows do this.

Save the bog roll for when all that chocolate you’ve eaten wants to find a new home outside your body.

10. Lighting sparklers

Picture: Getty

Are you crazy?! Why don’t you just hand me a loaded gun?!

11. Fireworks displays

There may have been a time once when you would gladly stand outside in the freezing cold gazing up at some intermittent lights in the sky while consistent booming rips off your eardrums, but that era is gone.