Fantasy. Just could never really get into it as much as some other people have. Doesn't mean I don't respect stuff like Lord of the Rings and the like. I also have an immense dislike for Furry. I also don't really care for Slice of Life unless there is something to figuratively flip the table so it doesn't end up so monotonous. Like a werewolf luchador running in and punching a chick in the mouth. That'd be something to break up the boredom!

~~Dearborn, Michigan(S-Mart)~~

"My name is Ash and I am a slave. Close as I can figure, the year is 2016 and I'm being forced to my feet by some big brusier in a hockey mask while his pal snatches up the book that ruined my life. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job. Well, I still do. But who's telling this story, huh?"

"I had a wonderful girlfriend Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomiconexmortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rights, funeral incantations, and demon resurrection passages, it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods, something evil. It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist."

"From there? Things only went from bad to worse. But I did end up going back to medieval times, oh yeah baby. The real deal, none of that restaurant phoney baloney crap. King Arthur, knights, the real deal. I saved an entire kingdom. Could have stuck around and been king. Decided my place was here in the present though and speed-forward a couple years later, bam! Here I am now. So, what'd ya think? That get ya interested in taking a little ride on the Ashmobile?" The fifty five year old Chosen One asked the girls who seemed to be around college age who didn't seem interested in the story at all.

"Uh, yeah like we just came to wait for our boyfriends to get off shift?" Glancing over at two beefy looking guys who were probably in much better shape than Ash could ever hope to be, they giggled and made their way off. "Thanks for the time-waster story, Gramps! I bet it kicks ass at the retirement home!" Watching as the girls laughed at his expense and the boyfriends flipped him the bird, Ash rolled his eyes.

"Yeah! You wish, you little hussies! Ashley J. Williams is a free man and ain't nobody gonna shove him onto some green acres where I can live out the rest of my days waiting for grandkids who never come unless they need something!" Slumping up against a shelf as another attempt to get laid went south, a younger employee who for some reason or another looked up to Ash of all people approached him.

"Ash? That story you told? About the Evil forces and the book of the dead and everything? That was all true right?" Pablo asked as Ash turned to him and narrowed his eyes. "Was it real? Course it was real! You think your good buddy Ash would ever tell lies to get what he wants? I may be a bit past my prime but lemme tell you something my Venezuelan-"

"Honduran, Ash."

"Right, right my Mexican friend. You see the fingers on this wooden hand here?' Ash asked holding out said hand as he counted off each finger.

"One, two, three, four, five! Five Pablo!That's how many women I could get if I wanted to. But you know how it is Pablo. Sometimes you just gotta wait for the right one and you don't find the right one by telling tall tales! Or well least I didn't. But you wanna know some of the juicer bits I left out of that story?"

"Oh do I ever! I mean...I-If you don't mind sharing I mean, Ash." Pablo asked as he pulled out a nearby chair and took a seat on it as Ash grinned. "Lemme ask you something before I start, Pablo. You ever believe in magicians or magic?"

"Well, I mean my uncle's a shaman, Jefe. I think I know a bit or two about magic."

"Yeah, well so did I. But that was before these goons showed up. It all started a month ago..."

~~Ash's Trailer Park~~

"Day was going about as well as they tend to these days. Was catching up on some of my old tunes, cleaning out the trailer, feeding Eli"

"...Eli? You mean the best friend who's always sick?"

"Uh...Yeah, best.... friend."

(Eli was actually his iguana)

"Anyway, I was just sitting on my bed and about to catch some zzzs when I hear a knock at the door. Naturally it being around midnight, I grab the boomstick and head to the front door. I pull it open and do you know what I find-"

"What???"

"Geez Pablo! Lemme finish the damn story and you'll find out!"

As Ash pulled open the front door of his trailer, he would have been greeted with quite the strange sight. It appeared to be a rather tall man. Tall enough to have to look down to look Ash in the eyes. Though Ash couldn't quite see his eyes behind the creepy mask he wore. Reaching up to grasp the brim of his hat, the man tipped it forward slightly as he spoke.

"Ello, ello. You're Ash Williams, are you not?"

The man asked seemingly content to appear here and ask a question like that. Lowering the shotgun since it wasn't a deadite or a crazed ex girlfriend wanting her stuff back, the demon-killer raised an eyebrow and leaned up against the doorframe. "Yeah? I'm Ashley J. Williams. Employee at S-Mart and resident casanova of Dearborn, Michigan. What's it to you, bud? If it's directions for the freakshow auditions, I think they're in the town over."

Seeing the masked man as some kind of nutball, Ash turned and attempted to close the door. But as his hand gripped onto the door to close it, it felt as if there was some kind of force pushing back against it. Looking over his shoulder, Ash noticed that the man hadn't seemed to have moved from his spot but his right hand was held up and through the slits on the mask, Ash could finally make out his eye's color.

"Classy, classy Mr. Williams! I've heard you've quite the aerobic wit about you! Even in your old tired age, you still have a barb or two to throw my way. But I'm afraid I didn't come here to trade witticisms with you. I came for something far more important." Stepping inside the trailer, the man kept his right hand pointed in the direction of the door.

Not quite getting what this masked weirdo's deal was, Ash pointed the boomstick right at the back of his head. There would be no weird hocus-pocus this time.

"I dunno what you did with the door. But the second I see you move those hands again? I'm gonna make your head into a modern day Picasso masterpiece. I already cleaned this place down once, so don't make me have to do it again. Take your weird masked self and head on out. Pronto, today," Ash gestured with his head in the direction of the door and the man slowly began to raise his hands.

"Oh, yes. I can feel it's energy nearby. The magic omitting from it is almost overwhelming."

"...Magic?"

Raising his hands above his head, the man suddenly pulled them downwards and Ash's finger reached to pull the trigger back. Before he could however, Ash felt something sharp dig into his shoulder blade. Glancing over, he would have seen that it appeared to be some kind of human-sized Ancient Japanese monster with a weapon in hand.

Stepping forward and ripping himself free of the weapon, Ash turned and blasted the creature straight in the chest. As the smoke cleared however, it would have revealed little to no damage. "Oh, for christ's sake-" Ash began before the creature's free hand lashed out and gripped him by the throat as it picked him up off his feet.

"Yes, magic. Though I truthfully wouldn't expect a philistine like yourself to understand true magic."

The masked man quipped as he reached into a drawer under Ash's nightstand and pulled out what he'd be sensing since he had stepped into the room: The Necronomicon Ex Mortis aka the Book of the Dead. Tucking it under his arm, the masked man turned to walk towards the door. All the while his left hand's gestures made it clear he was manipulating this creature in some way.

"But that's quite alright. You and the rest of humanity will have plenty of time to learn once you're all together at the end of the world!" Knowing full well the kind of damage and destruction that damnn book brought, Ash wasn't about to let Mister Fancypants just walk in here and waltz off with it. Sticking his shotgun right underneath the chin of the puppet, Ash pulled the trigger. Blasting off the lower jaw and catching the masked man off guard.

As he turned to see part of his beloved creation's face falling to pieces quite literally before his eyes, he thrust his left hand hand out towards Ash who charged at him. It was then that Ash could finally tell what this guy's whole deal was even as he was strung up into the air like some kind of human kite. "I get it now. You're some kind of freaky-deaky magician who controls...those...puppet things. The hell do you want with the book? Seems like you got enough power with these things running around."

With the Necronomicon still tucked under his right arm, the masked man twitched the fingers on said hand to get the puppet sans lower jaw to take the book and step outside the trailer with it. Now having more range with his hand's movements once again, the man laughed, even going to the point of throwing his head back while he did so.

"Why? Do you expect me to simply list out my plan step by step? I thought it was quite simple enough to capture the gist. My partner and I knew you were in possession of the book after hearing about your 'encounters' back in the 1980s and we figured it'd fit our goals just fine. The only thing left to do was take it from you and as you can see, that was quite easy." Dropping Ash to the floor but throwing the boomstick out on the ground outside the trailer, the masked man shook his head.

"Unbelievable, I can't believe I was so rude! My name is Chirico. Remember it well, Mr. Williams. Once we're through? It'll be the last name worth hearing." With that Chirico turned to leave.

"Hold on a second, pal! I don't care what kind of crazy plan you got or what your deal is. But I know for a fact that I'm not letting you off with that book!

Pulling his chainsaw off the workbench he had set up in his trailer, Ash slipped it over his stump and pulled the cord. As the gasoline pumped through to the chainsaw's engine, that familar buzz rang out as he stepped out towards Chirico but was stunned at what he'd seen. It was absolute carnage. Bodies strewn about, other trailers seemingly torn to pieces. Was he and whoever the hell his partner was responsible for this? Narrowing his eyes at how calmly Chirico was heading off, Ash ran towards him with his chainsaw raised above his head.

He'd never killed another human being before unless they'd been possessed by Deadite. So he'd settle for the bastard's arm and then let fate sort em out! But before the chainsaw came down, Chirico stopped. Almost as if he was expecting something. "Wha...? Is he just waiting for the saw to take off his arm...?" Ash pondered to himself but before the saw hit home, he'd have seen it come to a dead stop against what appeared to be some kind of gauntlets with runes insrcribd to them.

Or at least Ash thought those were runes. He tried somewhat to keep himself up to speed on these kinda things. But he hadn't tried hard enough as the hand with the gauntlet gripped onto the saw and Ash couldn't seem to wench it free no matter how hard he pulled. Glancing up, up, up at the newcomer, Ash's eyes widened.

Keeping a tight grip on the chainsaw, the man smashed his other fist right into Ash's stomach. Sending him flying back but minus the chainsaw. Crashing right into the side of his trailer, Ash struggled to not cough up a wad of blood as he slumped down onto his rear. What the heck were these guys? More importantly, where the hell were they taking the book?

"H-Hey! Where the hell are you nutjobs planning to start the end of the world tour?" Ash mocked although he wasn't in much of a position to be doing so. Though, his life had already been pretty shitty before these two showed up. S'not like they could have made it any worse. Ash had even half-expected the two of them t to ignore his quip but the big guy seemed to stop and spoke in a deep British voice.

"Tokyo. That's where we'll be heading. Stop by, say hello, die..."

It was clear by the body language that Chirico didn't seem to appreciate his partner handing out such information so casually. Perhaps he thought Ash was a bigger threat than he let on. Or maybe he just didn't want to deal with a pest. The former sounded a lot cooler.

"Yes, what my partner says is true. You're more than welcome to come and try and stop us. But, heh...I think you've got bigger problems to worry about..Ashely J. Williams goes mad and slaughters entire trailer park has a nice ring to it on the nine'o clock news don't you think?"

With that the two goons headed off with Necronomicon in tow and Ash faced with a serious problem. He had to get the hell out of here before the police came and arrested him for the wrongful murder of a lot of innocent people. That and he was going to try have to try and scrounge up the money for a first class flight to Tokyo!

~~S-Mart~~

"Hey, uh, Jefe? Not that I'm doubting you or anything...But I don't remember hearing about anyone dying at the trailer park. Maybe it's because I don't watch TV often enough anymore but.."

"Hey! I told you to trust me! I wouldn't make up any of this! You got two masked guys who want to see the world burn and they're gonna use my book to do it! Now, you don't wanna hear about how I got to Japan because we'd be here all day and I don't know about you? But I got a bar date with a lovely lady tonight and can't be standing here jib-jabbering all day. So, I was on the flight there and little did I know what was going on in the Land of the Rising Sun..."

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