Merged Traditions: Two Religions, One Happy Holiday Season

Alyssa and Scott Greiner have found ways to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas with daughter Emma.

(Photo Credit: )

The holidays are about hope, peace, and celebration. But
when you’re married to someone of a different faith, whose traditions should
you observe? It’s a question a growing number of couples wrestle with each
year, as more than 15
percent of weddings in America now involve people of different religions.

We spoke to three Jewish/Christian couples about how they
acknowledge their different backgrounds while honoring the love they share.

“You Never Have to Choose”

Jill Valeri, of Howard County, MD, started dating her
husband Joseph, a Roman Catholic, when she was just 16 — which gave the Jewish teen
plenty of time to learn about his religion. “Christmas at his home was always
vibrant, warm and welcoming,” she says, remembering the many times she was a guest
on that special morning.

Now married 22 years, Jill and Joseph celebrate both Hanukkah
and Christmas, doing up both holidays to the hilt. “For Hanukkah, we observe
all eight nights, and if it falls during Christmas we’ll first light the menorah,
then get our Christmas celebration going,” Jill says. “On Christmas Eve, we
have a huge Italian ‘Feast of the Seven Fishes’ [a dinner incorporating seven
fish dishes] and invite the entire neighborhood. We probably have 150 people pass
through the house that evening!” The guests are a mix of religions, “just as we
are,” Jill says.

The best part of their dual-religion identity, says Jill, is
that her three children enjoy two time-honored holidays — and are able to forge
their own identities. “We explained that they never have to choose between Mom
and Dad’s religions, and they can even pick another faith altogether,” she says.
“Faith is, to us, a very important and personal choice.”

“It’s Comfortable and
Accepting”

Jenna Barnett is a newlywed: She and her husband, Tyler,
tied the knot in April. But when it comes to blending holiday traditions, the
Los Angeles couple — she’s a born-again Christian; he’s Jewish — have plenty of
experience. “On our first date, nearly five years ago, I told him I was
Christian and wasn’t ever going to be Jewish, and he said he was Jewish and
wasn’t ever going to be Christian. We thought, ‘Should we just have this one
date and that’s that?’ but we really liked each other, so we found ways to
compromise.”

Jenna Barnett and her husband Tyler just married, but have already begun
incorporating both Christian and Jewish traditions in their holiday
festivities.

Tyler had previously dated a girl whose Christian family had
made him feel unwelcome at Christmas, so “as soon as we started celebrating
with my family, I made sure he felt included and that there were lots of gifts
for him to open,” Jenna says. Now, she adds, “Tyler is now in charge of frying
the bacon on Christmas morning!”

For her part, Jenna made every effort to be an enthusiastic
guest at her future-in-laws’ Hanukkah celebrations: “I learned as much of the
Hebrew blessings as I could and would hum the rest,” she says.

The newlyweds still plan to celebrate Christmas with Jenna’s
family and the first night of Hanukkah with Tyler’s. “In the future, if the
first night of Hanukkah is ever on Christmas Day or Eve, Tyler’s mom is
flexible and says we can come another night, since Hanukkah lasts for eight
days,” Jenna says.

Meanwhile, in their own home, the wide assortment of holiday
decorations makes it clear they’ve enlarged each other’s worlds. “We put blue
and silver balls on the Christmas tree, since they’re the traditional Hanukkah colors,”
Jenna says, adding, “My stocking is red and Tyler’s is blue.” They hang right
by the couple’s brand-new menorah.

“I See It as a
Benefit”

For Alyssa and Scott Greiner, of Merrick, NY, the holidays
feel like a nonstop party. “I’m Jewish and he’s Catholic, but neither of us was
terribly religious growing up,” Alyssa says. Still, when their daughter Emma
was younger, Jill admits to worrying that Hanukkah would be overshadowed by
Christmas. “I hadn’t grown up with Hanukkah Harry” — modern Judaism’s answer to
Santa — “but I began that tradition for my daughter,” she says. “Each
night of Hanukkah, Harry would leave her a gift when she least expected it.” And
Alyssa has always made sure they celebrate at least one night of Hanukkah with her
family, “to reinforce it.” Her Catholic in-laws, she says, send her daughter Hanukkah
presents.

Those gifts often share space with a Christmas tree. “We
have one, and I love it,” Alyssa says. “I see it as a benefit of marrying
someone who is Catholic.” Another bonus: Christmas at Scott’s parents’ home.
“It’s putting out cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer on Christmas
Eve and waking up to presents,” she says.

Emma is now 12 and still believes in Santa and Hanukkah Harry
(“or claims to,” Alyssa laughs). As for Alyssa, she no longer believes
Christmas puts Hanukkah in the shade. “This year, the last night of Hanukkah is
on Christmaseve. For a little while
I wondered if we should bring a menorah to my in-laws’ house. But I decided
I’ll let it go.

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