Thursday, September 18, 2008

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall. The Salon Wall, That Is.

Well, ANTM gets sillier by the episode, which I didn't think was possible. The whole princess party/Miss Jay as the wicked witch/Mr. Jay as Prince Charming/Tyra "acting"... awkward. Awk-waard! Tyra has an odd way of presenting herself to the contestants -- one minute she's the best friend, then she's the den mother, then she's the show-off friend, then she's the judge/executioner. If I were one of the contestants, I would dread the day Tyra showed up in the living room.

Anyway, the photo shoot was fun to watch because the photographer was Russell James, who (whom?) I really like and would love to work with in another lifetime when I'm a photographer. I don't know what happened to his reality show, The Shot, because I really enjoyed it -- hello, I watch ANTM for the photography! So I guess it didn't get the ratings. Damn you, American Public!

Anyway again, the show otherwise was extremely anticlimactic for the makeover show. The only one who was upset was Elina, and I don't blame her. They weaved in this fuzzy sort of red poodle on her head. That dog was barking! Okay, I don't know what that means, but it was ugly. She got over being upset about it pretty well and lied lied LIED to the photographer and supermodel/bathing suit designer at the photo shoot and said she loves it, because she's not a complete idiot. Except for her pash on Clark, the snouted wonder. Most of the makeovers were pretty tame except they gave Clark dark brown, almost black, hair, and honestly, the only thing going for her before was her blondness. She has a look that we had a very non-PC colloquialism for when I was growing up; I can't say what it is because I may offend people, but I can hint that it has something to do with where the person looks like they live. Like her real name is Sharlena or Bambi or Brittnee or Rylee or Reba Garthetta or maybe even Sharlena Rylee Garthetta. Let's just say I don't think she's attractive and move on.

Most of the other girls ended up looking better.

Brittany, who (whom?) I should just rename Bitchany, seems to think she knows everything and has the right to set up inquisitions and judge the other contestants. See that superior look? That isn't a pose. All of the other girls let her get away with it, so I guess they have Only Themselves to Blame, but... me no likee her. She was grilling Elina because Elina said she hates her mom, and was all, Does she pay the rent? Does she buy groceries? Like that's proof of a good mother. That's the bare minimum of what should be expected of someone who BROUGHT YOU INTO THE WORLD. I wish Elina had stood up to her better, she just said You should know my mom. I mean, Duh, Bitchany, do you know her mom? Do you know what her life has been like? Her mom could manage to put a roof over Elina's head and get her the minimum amount of food necessary for survival and still be a horrible person. (Of course, Elina could be an ungrateful brat, but my point is that Brittany didn't KNOW and was handing out judgments like the Recording Angel or something. Just like she wanted to rake Hannah over the coals for racism, when Hannah hadn't displayed any racism at all! Well, at least not that we saw. Well, not yet. That we saw.Anyhoodle, I would have pushed Isis away from me in the hot tub, too, not because of racism or any kind of -ism other than I don't like people I don't know very well drifting into me in a hot tub-ism. That was rude, if you ask me. And I think Lauren Brie pushed, too, but Hannah got all the blame. And who's whiter than Lauren Brie? She's named after cheese!)

But guess what? Sometimes life is good and justice is served. Brittany, aka Bitchany, aka The Pretty Girl, got the AX. Or AXE, if you prefer. Yes! Every once in a while they get one right and it makes me happy. Honestly, I didn't think she was the worst model and I don't think she had the worst picture (hello, Clark!) but she was by far the most annoying one, so good riddance. As she was leaving she said she was too bright a star to just fade away, which may or may not be true, I can't say; what I can say is that I'm just happy she'll be shining her little superior know-it-all light elsewhere from now on.

Oh! We got to see Nigel's wife! She does exist! She's some sort of CoverGirl spokesperson and maybe model? I don't know. She's pretty, that's for sure, but I still think Nigel wanders. I mean, come on.

So. Some of the girls seem like fun, like Joslyn, Samantha, and Sheena. The others seem mostly boring, but maybe they've just been edited that way. I still say the winner will be ethnic, but it won't be Isis. Tyra will keep her around long enough to impress us all with her broad-mindedness and then BOOT. Besides, Russell James didn't know she was transgendered and said he didn't think she had the facial structure for modeling. So I think she's there more for Tyra than for her.

What am I saying? Aren't they all??!!

PS - As much as I hate Mr. Jay's hair -- it looks like someone spilled baby powder on it and he only had time to brush it half out and then just said To hell with it -- I still think he's good-looking. Why do so many people seem to think he's gross? And he's been much more likable the last few cycles, I think. Less orange, less strange, less hyper and mean and kiss-ass. I still don't see why Miss Jay gets to judge and Mr. Jay doesn't, but Tyra didn't ask me what I thought. If she had, this show would be a LOT different. And honestly, probably a lot less fun.