WCW Nitro

12.10.98

BLAH

If you get a moment, check for the
rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Year-End Awards Call for Nominations on the newsgroups. The end of the
year is fast approaching!

We open the show with CRACKA
EAZY-E telling the security guy at the door
not to let Ric Flair in the building. Somebody forgot to tell the
security guy his part in all this, 'cause he keeps saying "who are you?
Do you have any credentials?" TV-PG-DV closed captioned. Bischoff
continues to the outside, where he's brought in a bunch of local security
to help the (apparently inept) DOUG
DILLINGER.

We cut to a clip of Nitro from Last Week, where Sting is being fitted with
a neck brace and a stretcher as a result of his backstage brawl with Bret
Hart.

Live from the United Centre in Chicago, IL, it's WCW MONDAY NITRO! It's
Columbus Day - or is it *Indigenous Peoples Day*?
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

Halloween Havoc Promo #1 - because you can't start the hype too early.
For no reason, halfway through there's a Bride of Chucky mini-ad. Oh, and
there's some MANIACAL
LAUGHTER during this ad.

First hour FIREWORKS! Four minutes in and they're already testing my
patience!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegendcheermefearme
Larry Zbyszko. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week on Nitro, where Hart and
Sting do that thing they did last week where we've already seen a clip but
hell let's see another one. By the way, *I AM BIASED*. I just saw a
GREAT RAW is War and I know I should have done this show first. Anyway,
having said all that, this match was pretty good last week, as these clips
bear out. The Treacherous Three talk some more about Hart and Sting and
then we fast forward in reverse to THUNDER! where Bret Hart issues a
challenge to Sting in what was a pretty good interview. I'm telling you,
Hart is *carrying* this company for me at this point. I don't know
for whom those of you who don't like Hart can possibly be watching this
show. Wicked grammar! Tonight we'll here Sting's response to the
challenge (does that mean he'll TALK tonight?)

Let's take a special video look at the saga of Hogan, Hart, Sting, Hogan
fighting Hart - and let me just say that this must PROVE that wrestling is
fake if Hogan can do all those moves and Hart isn't hurt a bit - Hart
turning on Sting after Steiner and Bagwell take out Konnan and Luger.
Hogan and Hart with the high five. Let's go to our first ad break!

This portion of the Nitro Cavalcade of Advertisement and Interview is
brought to you by Valvoline.

Let Us Take you back to 1 October where WCW invaded Wall Street. No, not
MICHAEL Wallstreet, the stock market, where the sure-to-be-a-winner WCW
credit card was announced. Dr. Harvey Schiller (who suspended Eric
Bischoff - no, wait, I guess he didn't) makes an appearance. They go to
great lengths with editing to not show mortal enemies within arm's reach
of each other yet acting civil, but a shot of Page and Hogan does make it
through. I thought he thought he was scum!

Almost thirteen minutes in, as good a time as any for the opening credits.

Zbyszko drops the names of his cousins in his commentary - I HATE it when
people do that (oh, hi, John Lankford).

Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Meng takes what's left of Gentleman
Chris Adams' dignity, and no one cares. Later, Wrath (he is NOT
undefeated!) shows up and takes it to Meng.

That's your first quarter hour, Neilsen fans.

LODI v. WRATH -
tonight's main event is Goldberg vs. Giant, no DQ, for the
World Heavyweight Championship. Also, Bischoff tries to keep Flair out of
the building (and we know what THAT means). And also again, a big 6-man
tag: Hall/Ray/Norton vs. Nash/Luger/Konnan. Gather 'round my children and
you shall hear Great Uncle Larry regale us with festive tales of yore, and
Twenty Glorious Years. Wrath hits like a flying shoulderblock and the
Meltdown and that's about it (1:31,
counting :30 of stalling at the
beginning). Of course, MENG comes out and
they start to brawl - quickly
we shift away from anything resembling action because it's the first
hour...

Let us take you back to Nitro last week, where Bischoff talks, then Arn
talks, and then Reid Flair comes out, then Bischoff is taken down twice to
the delight and glee of the commentary team. Hey, you think it's EASY to
execute a takedown while wearing a lump of metal 'round your neck? Keep
watching as Bischoff gets Beth Flair on the cel phone, then Ric Flair
walks out, then the NWO comes out, then the Horsemen come out, and the
best part is - are you ready for this? - NOTHING HAPPENS!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, You Don't Know Jack, Jim
Palmer's house of mortgages, Moen kitchen faucets, and THE CLUB, AND
Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops - geesh, six sponsors in this block?

WCW MasterCard ad.

Halloween Havoc Promo #2. Goldberg/Page. With heavy bass.

Why do they HAVE a first hour?

KENDALL WINDHAM (no entrance) v. DALE
TORBORG (no entrance) - actually you
can hear them be introduced during the Promotional Consideration, somebody
left a mic on. I'm so glad to see Torborg with his WCW Pit Crew uniform
on, because this gives me the chance to do a "This week in WCW Motor
Sports" Parody - "Lance Hooper, in the Team WCW car, raced to a thrilling
Top 27 finish!" (In those reports, that usually means "he finished 27th,"
but it sounds better when they do it that other way, for some reason.)
What, you wanted blow-by-blow for this match? No, you didn't. The
crowd's chanting "Boring" when they're not being deathly quiet, then
booing. Windham dominates the match, but Torborg manages to hit a high
kick, landing on his foot wrong and injuring his other knee in the
process. Quick thinking referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson quickcounts the 3
so Torborg can get his win (4:22).

WCW/NWO Magazine ad - with exciting pictures from the PPV from three
months ago!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! They've still got Torborg in the ring, by
the way. I know you care, because this is the type of detail that makes
Wrestlemaniacs.com your NUMBER ONE STOP FOR RECAPPING OF ... whatever.

Interesting - they don't show Giant in "Water Boy" ads during Nitro.
What's up with THAT?

Goldberg T-shirt ad.

The Treacherous Three talk up the excitement we'll see later in the show,
and at Halloween Havoc. I wish there'd be some excitement NOW, in THIS
show, but they don't put these things on to please me. Believe me, I am
WELL aware of this fact. In fact, I think sometimes they put these things
on just to torture me. Well, not really. Nobody knows who I am. Oh
wait, something's happening...

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Raven, Lodi and Kanyon take it to
Dallas Page until Goldberg makes the save. Oh wait, this is another clip.
I'll be back in a minute.

"Get Well Mark Curtis" sign in crowd didn't come through well on the
screen, so I'll note it here, and second it. Definitely get well soon,
Mark. You are the least blind of all the referees I watch!

The Wolfpac theme plays and out walks (THIS IS) STING. He's
got a mic,
so I guess we WILL hear him talk tonight. "Last week, Bret Hart and the
Stinger were beating themselves into submission - beating themselves into
submission out there. And I crossed off every single day of this week so
I could get right here, right now, front and center, and tell you, Bret
Hart, I am calling you out in Chi-Town! I'm not done yet...Hogan! You,
as the motivator behind all darkness that goes on around here, I'm gonna
put you in a black box and send you back to Hollywood, I'm calling YOU
out!" Zbyszko: "Hope he doesn't mean a cable box." What the HELL,
Larry. "Hold it right there!" Oh great, it's MR. DESTRUCITY come
to muck up the interview. "Speak to me, Waryrs!" To my trained ear, it's
about 50% boos. "Sting, I think you have to agree with me, it's amazing
to see how far a little dab of paint will take you! Far from the
beginning, far from OUR beginning. No doubt, I'll leave the history
lessons to others, but I will say, as I have viewed your career from afar,
I have watched with a Waryr's admiration and unconditional respect.
For all intents and purposes, Sting, WCW is your battleground, not
mine - and it is for that reason I intrude during your interview time to
make a one-time request. Let me preface this request by saying it is
fatal to enter any battle without the will to win. As you may now, I have
an ongoing battle with Hollywood Hogan set to culminate at Halloween
Havoc. My (boat?), my Waryr's (vote?) allows me to win but one battle at
a time. If it is your intention to call out the anti-heroes of our time,
then I make a request - I make a demand that for this evening I stand
alongside you to fight. Same Waryr time, same Waryr place, same Waryr
channel..." I'd say it's about 70% boos now. Sting has no response.

AFTER THE
FACT: That word was "foke," yeah.

Halloween Havoc promo #3 - Goldberg/Page.

Closed captioning where available brought to you by Western Union - no,
not LITERALLY. That'd be funny, though.

Second hour fireworks (twelve minutes early) as Tony says "holy smokes!
What an hour it's been!" I want to scream "WHAT A CRAPPY FORTY-EIGHT
MINUTES IT'S BEEN!" but Tony has already gone on to call Warrior/Sting vs.
Hart/Hogan one of the biggest tag-team main events of all time. Not that
anybody said it was gonna happen, but oh well. Tenay says this will be
the first time Sting & Warrior have teamed in twelve years - do you want
to be letting out big numbers like that?

The Voodoo Chili is fired up and out come YOU KNOW WHO, CRACKA EAZY-E
and NO SMOKIN'
GIANT. Anybody see Angelique Kidjo do "Voodoo
Child" on
Sessions at West 54th last weekend? It was...interesting. That's, like,
one of those non-wrestling tangents that I'm apparently famous for.
Bischoff talks, Wood talks loud and says nothing, calls Giant "My Giant,"
which makes him the fourth person to see that movie, I think. He promises
that Giant will beat Goldberg, oh, well, I'll put down all the cash I can
muster on the basis of that. Hogan says that he and Hart would seriously
enjoy a match with the Painted Horses, it'll be the "Ultimate Encounter,"
4 life. Giant leaves the ring first chance he gets. Schiavone:
"Challenge accepted! Match made! We got it on TONIGHT! Hollywood Hogan!
Bret Hart! Tag team spectacular SUPER MAIN EVENT against Sting and the
Warrior for the first time in twelve years, two of the greats who Mike
Tenay said started their careers together, went their separate ways, will
FINALLY TEAM AGAIN!"

Fortunately, this drudgery is broken with a security officer telling
Bischoff that the Horsemen are in the building. Hmm, four minutes to the
hour and the start of RAW...Horsemen...Bischoff...hmmm. Bischoff walks
outside, where a white limo is pulling up. Bischoff yells to every
security guy within earshot (or the state) that he doesn't want them in
the building. THE MAN
exits the limo and springs a surprise - his
special
guest is BRUCE "WIRTZ"
MacARTHUR, who
is apparently the guy who owns the
United Centre, and has a nice skybox, and is good friends with the
Horsemen. While Eric keeps saying "it's my building!" MacArthur counters
with "No, it's *my* building!" so they walk in. Now, I won't go into any
kind of theft of idea comparisons or anything, but watching Bischoff and
Flair, I can't help but notice that as RAW starts, right now, the first
thing I see is McMahon and Austin...naah, coincidence.

TV-PG-DV WCW goes on sale as they come to Toledo, Auburn Hills,
Pittsburgh, and Grand Rapids for Nitro!

TV-PG-DV again just for the heck of it. Let Us Take You Back to Last
Week with a clip of Warrior's interview (why? It wasn't worth watching
LAST WEEK!) For an encore, let's go to the incredibly lame "Everybody not
named Bischoff sees Warrior in the mirror" segment. How fuckin' stupid.
That's right, I swore. THAT'S how stupid it was.

Let Us Take You Back to that exciting double pin that Alex Wright and the
British Bulldog had on Nitro a while back. You know, last Saturday Night,
for an encore, they battled to a double countout. You think this'll
culminate at the Pay-per-view? You care?

FIT FINLAY v. DAS TANZENKIND ALEX
WRIGHT - Nice to see they've decided to
spell Finlay's name correctly, at least this week. "Achtung! Achtung!
Hier ist Alex Wright!" I took German in high school, so I know that means
"Orange! Orange! Trunks of Alex Wright!" even though they're red. He
says that Finlay ended Wright's father's career, so tonight he'll end his.
Well, that's almost interesting. Finlay quickly rushes Wright before the
bell, now they're outside and Finlay's choking him with his own jacket.
Now he's whipping him with it. Fit's the freakin' man, y'all. Wright
with a surprise rollup for 1. Scoop slam by Wright. Finlay with an
armdrag and a short clothesline. Fireman's carry into a throatdrop on the
top rope. European uppercut. Whip into the corner, but Wright makes him
miss to the outside. Finlay with a shoulderblock to come back in but he
hits the boot jumping from the top. Now Wright hits the European
uppercut. Whip into the opposite corner, knee up by Finlay, big lariat.
Fast pace, duck under, Wright throws him OVER his head and throat-first on
the top rope - Wright covers, feet on the top rope, 1, 2, 3 (1:59) and now
BRITISH BULLDOG
is out and tossing Wright back in. And now Finlay and
Smith are taking turns pasting Wright. Wright rolls out - can it be that
the Irish and the British are coming together? No, Finlay pastes Smith as
well (good for him!) and runs out after Wright. 10-10-321 brings us the
replay of the pinfall. I wonder if we could get a triangle match out of
this. Put Finlay in the mix and the my interest in the match SKYROCKETS.
Seriously.

Coming up after Nitro - Mortal Kombat: the Series - cartoon violence to
follow...er...hmm.

Shot of the Owner's Box - lots of lovely ladies, and a really rich owner,
and the Horsemen.

LA PARKA, CICLOPE (HALLOWEEN), y
VILLANO V v. PSYCHOSIS, SUPER CALO, y
CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. (con Pepe) - I hope they
actually HAVE this match
before having Eddie Guerrero come out and try to put that LWO stuff over,
because I LOVE me some lucha libre. Calo and Psychosis start, they've had
a nonfeud brewing for like eight months. Villano clubs Calo in the back
and Parka clothesline him. Of course, when Villano comes in, Calo ducks
and Parka hits his partner. Again, Calo ducks a kick and Parka kicks
Villano. Park bodydropped to the outside by Parka, so he somersaults off
the apron to the floor and hits Villano. Parka dances on the apron, then
trips in a comical fashion, hitting himself on the apron. Psychosis takes
this opportunity to swandive onto La Parka. Now Ciclope hits a tope of
his own. Who's left? Chavo with a springboard splash onto everybody.
Calo and Villano back in - Calo misses a swandive off the top. Powerslam
by Villano for 1, 2, everybody waits for Psychosis to dive off the top
with the guillotine legdrop. 1, 2, everybody waits for La Parka to break
it up. Sloppy. La Parka with a chop (woooo!), whip into the opposite
corner, follow lariat and Parka dances again. Lunge, but the feet are up.
Psychosis runs at him but powerslam counter. 1, 2, Chavo makes the save.
Chavo with a suplex. 1, 2, Ciclope makes the save. Chop (woooo!) by
Ciclope. Spinebuster into a Boston crab - no I guess it's a Rocking
horse. Psychosis comes in to break it up. Psychosis runs the ropes but
Parka kicks him in the head on the apron. All the rudos are in - now
Psychosis and Ciclope are out. Chavo and Calo with the double missed
dropkick. Villano and Parka run them into each other. Chavo whipped into
Calo, who slingshots him over the ropes but on his feet. Chavo whacks
Villano, Calo covers - 1, 2, Parka breaks it up and Chavo slingshots in to
break THAT up. With me so far? Double dropkick and they're out of the
ring. DOBLE TOPA SUICIDA by Calo and Chavo!! Now Ciclope and Psychosis
are in the ring. Back and forth, counter, counter, big kick, now he runs
at him but Psychosis ducks and Ciclope between the ropes to the outside
and lands on his butt. TOP ROPE SENTON BY PSYCHOSIS! And NOW EDDIE
GUERRERO and the LWO are walking out - but it looks
like Chavo is going to
hit the Tornado DDT on Ciclope and we'll have a pin (5:31) before anything
can happen. Park and Psychosis are still fighting, but Eddie stops them.
"Now you see what I'm talking about? They keep making us fight each
other! It's obvious that Eric Bischoff doesn't respect our people - he
doesn't respect our traditions! He doesn't respect la raza! I would like
to see any NWO guy come out here and wrestle, and do the things this man
does, or the things this man does, and wrestle out here with his heart.
Uh uh, see Eric Bischoff, you take advantage of the economical situation
at home and you bring these wrestlers in and you pay 'em peanuts, and then
you treat them with disrespect, now let me ask you, does he treat you with
respect? (Spanish) Does he give you respect? No he doesn't give you any
respect. So I tell you now, united, something, la raza, we can do this
together. Eric Bischoff, we are your future whether you like it or not,
and I just got one more thing to say to you, Eric, we're gonna get our
piece of the cake, and whether you like it or not, all these guys, that's
right, you're part of us now, as far as all of us are concerned, you can
kiss our..." and they point to their rumps. Psychosis is in. Chavo walks
off without putting a T-shirt on. I guess none of the other guys was
recruited. What, they aren't Latino enough?

Hey look, it's the Nitro girls! And they're showing their cheeks! Chae
gets a solo dance, and I watch.

The NWO theme plays - oh boy, it's time for a SUPERSTAR SCOTT
STEINER
interview! Conspicuous by his absence is Buff Bagwell. Zbyszko hands the
headset off to Bobby Heenan in the meantime. Steiner says this, and that,
and Chicago sucks, and I know how to satisfy a woman, I hook up all the
freaks, and generally whips the crowd into a frenzy. He then turns to the
Bagwell situation, running down Judy Bagwell and ... well, I wasn't paying
attention. Anyway, BUFF & JUDY BAGWELL
come out and I start to pay
attention again. "Let me get something straight Scotty Steiner, we
haven't worked out anything, and we DO have a problem." Steiner says he
can break Buff's "frickin' neck, just like that." Buff says he listens to
his momma, things have gone too far, and he's the reason. "Sounds like
Mommy's boy is getting a little soft. Maybe I should rip that shirt off
your back right now." "You know what, Scotty? Last week this wasn't so
clear to me. But now it seems to be real clear. Maybe right now we just
go one-on-one in Chicago." Judy holds back Buff. "Hey Mrs. Bagwell!
Hey, you old bag!" Crowd: "Ooooh!" "I told your son if he got in my
bidness he would have problems, and you would have problems. I should
have slapped you last Monday Nitro - Marcus, you don't get her out right
now, I'll put this old scalawag on the mat - you got that Jack?" And Buff
pops him one. Crowd pops. Steiner Golottas him, then gives him a
throat-drop on the top rope. Steiner rants on the mic a bit more, ending
with "4 life." Then, he talks some more as we fade out. Hmmm. Maybe
they're FINALLY going to not swerve us this time. Well, I'll wait another
week.

Another shot of the owner's skybox, the horsemen, the women. We learn the
"the General" is the godfather of Reid Flair - gee, that would have been a
good thing for Bischoff to know, I guess.

NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA v.
PRINCE IAUKEA (no entrance) - before
the match starts, DISCO INFERNO is out to tell them that the crowd isn't
here to see "JuvenStoogee and Prince Kuklafran&ollie wrestle, but insetad
to see him dance." As soon as they hit his music, Iaukea hits him from
behind and he drops from the apron to the floor. Iaukea rushes Guerrera
but Guerrera ducks and clotheslines him to the floor. Whip, reversal,
flying head scissors by Guerrera. KIDMAN is out with a
chair and chasing
Disco away. Meanwhile, Guerrera is having his way with the Prince. Back
elbow turns the tide. Sunset flip for 2. Superkick and Juvi goes down.
1, 2, kickout. To the chinlock. We haven't seen Iaukea for a long time,
by the way, just thought I'd mention it. Guerrera powers out but gets
knocked down and there's another two count. "Promotional consideration"
voice spontaneously interrupts commentators, but Tony's a trooper and
ignores it. I missed some stuff in here but it's basically back and
forth, more damage done from missing moves than hitting them, you know.
Snap suplex by the Prince for 2. Again we're with the chinlock. Again
Disco is sneaking out while they're battling in the ring. Chop by Juvi
(woooo!), to the corner, whip out, foot up (yuck! barefoot!), to the
other corner, up and over, Juvi grabs the nub and takes him to the apron.
Top rope dropkick by Guerrera, nip up, Juvi driver hand motion - slam,
nope I guess it's 450 time. He climbs the top rope but Disco pushes him
off. Again Iaukea waffles him. Meanwhile, Juvi hits a Juvi Driver (he
landed on his fit after flipping off the top rope after the push, ok) on a
distracted Prince to score the pinfall (4:02) while Kidman
grabs Disco
and they brawl around the building. Play along with me at home: which one
does not belong? Disco Inferno, Kidman, Juventud Guerrera....Prince
Iaukea, yup.

KEVIN NASH is
out in a FUBU jersey to make some noise of his own. Now I
may not know much about this crazy business that, try as we might, we
cannot help but love, but I do know one thing, and that one thing is this:
Big Sexy is most definitely in the house. Nash says before he was a
wrestler, he was a bouncer, and one thing that bouncers do well is beat up
drunks. "Come on out Scott Hall, it's last call!" Hall staggers out,
drunk - or pretending to be drunk? "Hey, yo! Hey Kev! Did you say 'last
call?' Hey, make it a double, and give me a syxx to go. And hey, hey Big
Sexy! You wanna fight? You wanna fight me? I'll fight ya. But I ain't
gonna fight ya here, I'll fight ya down there. Down where? Down - HERE!"
and the camera quickly changes views while Hall chops his crotch. Nash
runs (sorta) after him and the camera follows. Hmm, I wonder if this is
all a setup. Well, we follow Nash for a while, all the way to an exit -
outside, a limo with Hall in it is pulling out. Nash (apparently) gets
into his Caddie and (apparently) follows. Well, wait a minute, aren't
Hall and Nash supposed to be in that giant six-man tag later tonight?

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. RAVEN for the
WCW World Television Title - We
don't get Jericho's entrance, which I guess would presumably mean this may
be an actual wrestling match as opposed to a comedy bit. Tony announces a
six-man tag later in the show, we'll see. Lockup, to the corner, clean
break (?), lockup, to the corner, nope, round and round they go, to the
outside, where they break. Jericho invites him back in, then pulls him
from behind and sends him to the barricade. "Those are Jericho's rules!"
Jericho grabs a chair, but when he fails to unwrap the cables from it, he
throws it down, then pushes David Penzer out of HIS chair and grabs that
one. Back in the ring, Raven dropkicks the chair into Raven's face.
Raven sets up the chair in the corner, then whips Jericho - no, reverse
and RAVEN is whipped into the chair and now he's out of the ring. Raven
tastes the STEEL post. Jericho runs at him, Raven steps aside and Jericho
hits the post. Kick by Raven. Chair in the ring, Jericho in the ring,
Raven in the ring. Drop toehold spot set up, whip, drop toehold, ow.
Evenflow attempt - Jericho slips off and puts Raven in the Liontamer.
Raven taps out (3:10)
and apparently he's in a big losing streak, and this
is a different Raven, and why did we notice this all of a sudden and what
angle is going to come out of it? eh.

Third hour FIREWORKS! are *exactly* on time. Bravo! Coming up in the
third hour, that match, this match, and don't you DARE forget THIS big
match! But first, this ad break.

MEAN GENE
OKERLUND
puts in his cameo for the night by TV-PG-DV
interviewing RICK
STEINER, who comes out not to his new music, but
to
"Steinerline." Man, I thought we lost that 45 once and for all. Before
Rick can totally lose me, that MANIACAL
LAUGHTER starts up, and on the
video wall is the source of all this laughter - that's right, it's the
movie star that's been so heavily hyped, it's ... it's ... CHUCKY.
Apparently he has some relationship with Scott Steiner and...no, fuck
this. I ain't gonna describe it. I'm doing you a favor by NOT describing
it. It's so lame, I just KNOW we'll see it on THUNDER!, Saturday Night,
next week's Nitro and the rest of my pathetic life. Do they TRY to lower
the bar EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN' WEEK? I honestly thought they couldn't do
worse than that Warrior-in-the-mirror crap last week. What the hell was I
smoking?

Tomorrow, WCW and NWO take over QVC. Spend money! Subsidize this
garbage! LET THE POWERS THAT BE KNOW THAT THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING!

The Awesome 3 talk about the six-man tag - gee, now it might not happen
with Hall and Nash out of the building. Who'dathunkit? Well anyway,
Giant/Goldberg later, and "truly, one of the biggest tag team matches
ever, if not *THE* biggest tag team match ever!" All I want to know is
who could possibly turn out of those four? Since we've had no action this
segment, let's take an ad break!

I hear the theme from "NWO Monday Nitro," which must mean CRACKA EAZY-E is
out to make noise. Isn't it great that Bischoff reminds us of one of the
(formerly) dumbest moments in Monday Nitro history with EVERY walk to the
ring? He's got words for MacArthur, he runs the company, he leases the
building, he doesn't want Flair in the building, he calls out J.J. DILLON
and DOUG
DILLINGER
who come down - hey, remember when Bischoff was
suspended? Bischoff says he wants to go to the skybox now and he means
now, so Dillenger leads the way, with Bischoff and Dillon in tow.
Fortunately for us, we can follow them on that long walk - see Bischoff
pelted with garbage! See a shot of the crowd! We cut to a shot of the
Awesome 3 who have to fill some time while they get to the skybox. This
is a thing I like to call "dead air." Crowd chants "We want Flair." With
a little more time to kill, Schiavone reminds us that Reid Flair took down
Bischoff twice just last week on Nitro - we finally cut to a shot of
Bischoff (hair slicked back from all the drinks thrown at him). Bischoff
demands that Flair be thrown out - MacArthur answers the door and tells
Bischoff he was trying to be nice, but...well, Bischoff cuts him off and
tells him to throw Flair out. MacArthur tries to 'splain it one more
time, finally Bischoff shoves him, and that's it. The security turn on
Bischoff and take him down. Dillinger has a shit-eatin' grin on his face,
and Tony makes fun of him. Tony says "is this great TV or what?"
Wellll... Anyway, he's cuffed and escorted away...well, they say he's
hogtied. They get in an elevator - the doors close - the doors open
because there's too many people in there - they quickly cut to the
commentators, who show unrestrained joy. Some woman who isn't Bruce's
wife gives him a big ol' mouth kiss. Flair Riverdances. Let's take an ad
break, no wait, we're still here. Looking at the commentators again.
Tony calls for some replays. I'm guessing that RAW is in a commercial
break right now because they NEVER take ad breaks while RAW is in an ad
break. Commentators are STILL talking. Look at Heenan and Schiavone
share a fake laugh. We cut to backstage where they haven't decided how to
get Bischoff out where the camera can follow them - do they PLAN this
stuff out beforehand? We cut back to the commentators, who hype the
upcoming matches. And NOW we're back to backstage where they've finally
found a way to get Bischoff from point A to point B. An unmarked car
complete with flashing red light speeds away, and NOW we mercifully take
an ad break.

By the way, how does this advance the Horsemen angle?
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT!

Goldberg T-shirt ad (again).

(bill "149-0" [I guess he really DIDN'T
lose by countout to Jericho last
Thursday on THUNDER!, hmm?] ) GOLDBERG v. NO SMOKIN' GIANT in a "no DQ"
match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship -
Dillenger didn't have
enough time to get back to the dressing room, so we see some other guy
walking Goldberg to the entryway. This (probable) 150th victory is hyped
as a big milestone for Goldberg - man, it'd be sweet if he lost, wouldn't
it? Lockup, nothing. Lockup, to the corner, big blow from the Giant,
Goldberg roars. Giant with a dropkick!! To the corner, repeated knees
from Giant. Whip, follow lariat. Side Russian legsweep by Giant.
Headbutt. Head to the turnbuckle. Repeat. Goldberg blocks, and blocks
again. Goldberg takes Giant's head to the turnbuckle. Twice. Spinning
kick. He bodyslams the Giant (!) Wow! And here's STEVIE RAY with a
chair - good thing it's no DQ! Chairshot is no-sold but when he turns
around, Giant chokeslams him! 1, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
with an elbowdrop
to break it up. Stevie Ray gets a diamond cutter. Giant is ready to
chokeslam Page, but Goldberg spears him. Everybody scatters. Aww, give
me a break. Giant is going to be counted out (entrance 2:45, match
2:47)
and we'll take an ad break as Goldberg tells Page he's next, or something.

Let Us Take You Back To Earlier Tonight As Eric Bischoff Is Escorted To A
Better Place And I Can't Stop Capitalising Words

Shot of the big party in the skybox - why not. God grant me the strength
to get through these last twenty minutes

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

MICHAEL BUFFER
is out to kill some time with ring introductions. He has
the unmitigated gall to refer to the upcoming event as the greatest event
in the history of Monday Nitro. Hey Buffer, blow me. Before a SINGLE
introduction, let's take an ad break!

As Hart and Hogan come out together (to the NWO theme!) they Penzerize
Buffer's mic so that we can't hear the introductions, then they figure it
out and fix it. Hey, they don't pay this guy so only the people in the
arena can hear him! That's Penzer's job! Remember, friends, Mortal
Kombat follows Nitro. As Sting comes out, I am reminded that that great
big 6-man tag match didn't happen - or will it happen after this match?
Somehow, I doubt it. Tony reminds me that this is the Warrior's first
wrestling match on Nitro. I FINALLY hear what Warrior's mumbling at the
beginning of his theme, and it is this: "The target is scoped and locked
for destruction. Take the target out." I think that was a line from one
of his straight-to-video movie releases. Warrior runs to the ring and
shakes the ropes - well, he BETTER. Crowd actually seems to get pumped
for him here. The Batsignal is displayed on the wall. Will we go
straight into the match? Why, maybe we WILL!

YOU KNOW WHO & BRET HART v. (THIS IS)
STING & MR. DESTRUCITY - notice I've
managed to get this far without saying "Blade Runners-" oops. Hart &
Hogan spend a lot of time conferring outside the ring, 'cause there's ten
minutes left in the show and they CERTAINLY can't waste it all with
WRESTLING. I keep waiting for someone to turn on someone else. Hogan is
in and pointing to Sting, which commentatorss point to as a sign of
cowardice. Finally, the bell rings on this megasupermain event. Lockup,
to the corner, Hogan to the eyes, repeated rights, blatant choke, Sting
ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. Atomic drop by Sting. Hogan
loses his 'do-rag! In the corner, lotsa punches, kicks, chops. Hogan
falls over and reaches for Hart, who hesitates, then tags. Slowly, Hart
enters the ring. Lockup, to the corner, Hart strikes and misses. Sting
with the punch. Now the ten punch count along by Sting. Kick and Hogan
is in to stop the damage, hitting Sting from behind. Warrior wants in but
referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson stops him, which means he's distracted
enough for Hart to Golotta Sting from behind and under. Hart goes to
work, forearm to the face, head to the abdomen, second rope elbowdrop,
cover, kickout at 2. Hmm, STILL haven't seen Warrior wrestle in WCW.
Again Warrior is goaded into the ring and again Sting is Golotta'd (this
time by Hogan) while Dickinson is keeping Warrior from doing anything
illegal. Repeated chokes for 4 by Hogan. Right hand and Sting goes down.
Hogan steps on his head and uses the ropes for leverage until the 4 count.
Sting meets Hart's boot, and Hart is tagged in. Doubleteam hard into the
turnbuckle. Again Warrior distracts the ref and the doubleteam continues.
Sweet DDT by Hart, but only a 2 count. Hart argues the count, then goes
back to Sting. Side Russian legsweep by Hart. Legdrop by Hart. Sting
manages an inside cradle for 2. Hart is quickly back on him.
Backbreaker. Hart to the second rope but the elbowdrop with a twist
misses. Sting manages to tag Warrior even though Hart has the heel.
Clothesline and Hart goes down. Another clothesline. Another
clothesline. Damn, he hasn't lost a thing, har har. Hogan comes in from
behind and whacks him. Warrior no-sells and wags a finger at Hogan.
Hogan acts suitably scared. Well, here's NWO HOLLYWOOD come
out to cause
the DQ. (5:40)
The ring fills with eerie smoke (and garbage - Hart is
trying to shield his eyes from flying debris) but Giant and Hogan have
thrown the Warrior out of the ring so he won't disappear (or so the
commentators say - sheesh) Sting has a baseball bat AND a cricket bat and
Vincenzo gets Scorpion Death Dropped. Warrior, meanwhile, has stolen
Hogan's weight belt and whipe anybody he can find with it. Warrior
singlehandedly chases off the ENTIRE New World Order. With Hogan's belt,
apparently. Oh, I don't know. I give up. See you next week.