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Monday

Today is May 24, 2010, which means that Mr. Smith's trial starts today. It goes until May 28 where they will hopefully come to the conclusion that he has a mental illness that makes him likely to commit another sex crime. If they do come to that conclusion then instead of being released on April 28, 2011, he will be sent to a mental health facility. After that, he will be re-evaluated every year. If at some point during his stay at the mental health facility he is found mentally fit, then he will be released.

This trial makes me very anxious.

The emotional side of me wants him to be found mentally ill so that he won't be released and my life can continue as usual. I mean, if he is released next year, I'm going to have to alter my entire life. My children's lives. They will no longer be able to walk to the bus stop with out me, which is going to be a big alterations seeing how my daughter starts high school next year and her bus comes at 7 am while my other two are still sleeping at that time because their bus doesn't come until 8:30. I will have to wake my younger ones up earlier so we can all go to the bus stop with my oldest. Yuck!

There will be many other alterations. I'm choosing not to think about them too much. It isn't necessary yet.

Do you want to know something really weird? When I pray about this trial, I don't ask God for the jury to find him mentally ill so that he'll be locked away longer. I just pray that God's will be done. I'm afraid that what God wants might be different than what I want. I know all too well that sometimes God's plans don't always agree with our plans.

So, when I pray, I simply tell God that I trust Him and I know that no matter what happens...I'll be ok. Right?