This is a fantastically ridiculous romp of illogic and silliness. I hope you continue to apply the occasional update.

jster1983 chapter 18 . 5/16/2011

You know if anyone out of this team of Heroes should be in charge it's Chiyo. After all she's the smartest without question. Plus in this case it's usually the one without superpowers that is in charge.

If you have writer's block, the least we fellow writers can do is to give you some ideas. For example:

-The team's name: The girls (with Dr. Strange) visit Uatu the Watcher. He gives the girls a really boring explanation about the other universes (MC2, Ultimate, Age of Apocalypse, etc), and reveals this one is named "the Azumanga Universe" (he doesn't know why) and Dr. Strange tells that their team reminds him of the Avengers. So the girls name their team the "Azumanga Universe Avengers" or "Azuvengers" for short.

-Chiyo's role: I think about Chiyo wearing a Armor Suit of her size, courtesy of Stark Industries.

One of the most epic and hilarious fics i've ever read. At first I was confused about their powers, but now I know that: Yomi turns in a Hulk-like giant, Osaka is Dr. Strange's apprentice, Kagura has great fighting skills, Tomo can stretch like rubber and Sakaki has demi-god powers. But which are Chiyo's powers (apart from her vast intelligence)?

This is a really cute, interesting concept. The personalities of the girls are captured well, and I'm interested in seeing what happens next. The plight of Sakaki is particularly compelling. However, that leads me to an area of criticism.

In my experience, it's almost impossible to have plots involving genuine character development work in tandem with zany, off-the-wall wackiness. Oh, it can be done, but only with the greatest of care. And to be honest, I've only seen it work in comics or other visual media. I have my doubts that it can be managed with pure writing. It's just a bit too much. Because in trying to follow the characters, I find I'm constantly distracted by the parodies and riffs which pop up every few sentences. Every time the plot moves forward in a meaningful way, these comedic tangents show up and diffuse any dramatic tension. It's a bit frustrating, because as someone interested in seeing said tension resolve itself I must first wade through the various nonsensical goofery. Now, don't get me wrong, as goofery goes this stuff is top notch. Really, it's good fun. But it mixes with the actual story like water and oil. And it's coming a mile a minute.

The fight between the girls and HYDRA went off into so many weird directions so quickly that I had real trouble finding the patience not to skim past the whole thing. And the talk between Sakaki and her mother was shaping up to be an interesting scene until the dialog went off into yet another weird tangent right out of the blue. Is this going to impact the story? Are we going to have to balance this on our plates as well, this "hunter destiny" subplot? There's so many subplots already! Or is it yet another quirky pop culture reference, with no lasting significance to the plot whatsoever? Should the troubles of Sakaki or of anyone be taken seriously, or is the whole point of this just to have a bit of fun?

In college I was taught the rule of KISS. "Keep It Simple, Stupid (no ofense, that's just how my professors said it)!" So my advice to you would be to simplify, slow down, and sober things up a little. Neither Azumanga nor Marvel were ever quite this screwball. Don't introduce so many new elements at once. Take the time to develop scenes and bring plot points from one place to another without the scenic detours into comedy. I mean, sure, let's have comedy, but let's not smother the story with it! Oil and water can go quite nicely together when one merely complements the other. The best comedy complements the plot, and doesn't overwhelm it. In film, that's the difference between classic movies which pulled their punches just enough to keep the story real, like Young Frankenstein, and modern fluff like the "Movie" movies, which simply use the plot as a loose frame on which to drape an hour's worth of aimless pop culture references with no rhyme or reason. Not that that's what you're doing, of course! No, you're better than that. And I'm not saying to abandon the wackiness altogether! But still...

As wacky as Azumanga is, the environment the girls live in is always played more or less straight. The wackiness and wonder comes from their own attitudes and reactions to the world around them. Yes, living in the Marvel universe, with its monsters and machines and superpeople would surely give them many more opportunities to go a little crazy. But even the Marvel universe isn't crazy all the time. It's intrinsically straightforward. The characters are the driving force, what makes it all fun to watch. The world is not the main character, it's the backdrop on which the story is read. Because there really is a story here that I'm becoming invested in, and I'd like to see it take just a little more prominence over the kookiness running rampant in this hybrid world you've made.