It appears that you're running an Ad-Blocker. This site is monetized by Advertising and by ">User Donations; we ask that if you find this site helpful that you whitelist us in your Ad-Blocker, or make a ">Donation to help aid in operating costs.

If you can find a funnier website, I will splooge my pants at how funny it is, because I am on the verge of splooging from laughter at this site. Whatever you thought you were gonna do with your time tonight, go here instead.

lol i guess unreal and Devi are the only ones that noticed. i got the link to his "I Am Better Than Your Kids" article from Seph. Right now I am in the first year of the archives, and everything is still funny.

On one of his older sites (links to them are near the bottom of the page) there's an interview with him (maddox) and Michael Bolton, it's the funnyest [censored] ever. In case you guys don't feel like going to the site and searching for it, here it is. (Sorry, I just thought this was [censored] halarious!)

Recently I had a chance to sit down and talk with Michael Bolton. Here's how the interview went:

Ruler of the Universe: First I'd like to say thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me.

Bolton: No problem, anything for a fan-

Ruler of the Universe: Fan? Woah, easy there jackass [I proceed give him the one finger salute].

Bolton: Oh my, there I go again assuming people like me...

Ruler of the Universe: Yes, about that fan business, nobody seriously likes that [censored] you play, right?

Bolton: Actually I've won 3 Grammy awards for Best Pop Vocal Performance by a male...

Ruler of the Universe: [yawn]

Bolton: ...and I've won 2 American Music Awards in Pop/Rock and Adult Contemporary...

Ruler of the Universe: Yeah, anyway. Rumor has it that you suck [censored]. Is this true?

Bolton: Yes.

Ruler of the Universe: I thought so. You know, your music is way shitty. How is it that you suck so much [censored]?

Bolton: Well, every morning, I wake up and smear my face in pig [censored]. That makes me pretty damn shitty [laughs]. Then I pay a visit to my gynecologist to make sure I don't have any growths-

Ruler of the Universe: Woah, hold it right there. Way more than I needed to know. Speaking of you being a wuss, I bet you're pretty popular with the ladies, eh?

Bolton: Well.. I guess. But I only have sex with llamas. I don't know what it is about women and shitty music. Maybe they'll pull their heads out of their asses some day. In the mean time, I'll milk it for all it's worth.

Ruler of the Universe: Man, you sure are a dipshit.

Bolton: Yup, that about covers it.

Ruler of the Universe: Well, before I let you go, I'd like to thank you again for your time, good luck with your future projects-- no wait... choke and die.

Bolton: Hey, no problem. Nice to meet you [reaches to shake my hand--denied].