Monday, December 21, 2009

So...did you hear in the paper or whatever form of celebrity death driven breaking news that they found a hut that dates back to about 2010 years ago in Nazareth...they also found a box with some poetry with some of the titles being: Who is my real dad? Your not my real dad, Joseph better clean up his own damn mess or I am going to get some lighting shot at that jerk, why does everything I touch turn to flowers? Pretty odd...but anyway, LONG weekend, and plenty of stuff to write about and pictures and smiles, and candy canes and yeah, but not today, tomorrow, I just wrote this to make this the most productive blogging month The Rial's Blog Street Pharmacy has ever had (except fort March, but we are coming for you, you Pisces/Aries infested lunar cycle, you)

Real Quick, a list of "guys"

The Abbreviate Guy.This lazy sack of crap has either never learned what the true root word is or just thinks its cool, which it isn't, to abbreviate things. these dudes are usually long winded so I don't think it is to save energy time.Examples:San FranVegasCoyotes (pronounced KI-Yot-s)CincyCali

These nomenclatures are normally fine, but in my experiences, the Abbv. Guy doesn't ever not abbreviate them. I have stricken conversations and PURPOSELY said"I wonder what the attendance issues would be like if the Coyotes franchise moved to San Fransisco, California has a sizable snow bird/immigrant population, it may work or it may be better in Cincinnati"

and gotten replies of

"San Fran in no good for the Ki-Yot-S Cali isn't a hockey state,. it would be better in Cincy"

And again and again, I would over enunciate the elongated proper name, still they stick to there guns.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Welcome back to our review of the year that was (and according to our fake christian calendars, this year will be ending soon, but the Rial blog Human Waste Recycling Clinic use a far advanced set of random dates and numbers to measure the turn of the earth and its circles around the sun, so advanced we can't even share it with, its like a hipster calendar)

Well...it has come to my attention, that apparently my switch from whiskey cola to straight whiskey wasn't in fact THAT huge in 2009. Neither was 140k in debt, or playing in a mildly successful band on a mildly local level in a mildly apathetic town. And apparently a couple CD's that I really liked wasn't that great either. Well...people that apparently know my life so well (and if your reading this, you probably should, unless your here for the label tags, which is the reason I am here) what was sooo HUGE this year for us at The Rial Blog Machine Gun firing Range? Huh? What?

Oh...what is that? THE BABY!!!! Oh shit! your right, that was pretty momentous. Hmm..well, I can't believe that slipped my mind, you know I got alot going on, like basketball games on TV, contemplating types of whiskey I could be drinking with out cola, trying to clean my newly purchased house, pretending to get my act together, you know, some full slate kinda stuff. I can't believe I forgot the baby.

Well. How huge was this baby (emotional/financially, not actually big). I would say, and no offense to anyone else with the sir-name Rial, but this is probably the raddess Rial born in 2009. I said it, so singer-song writer Robert Rial from Seattle, if you had a kid this year, bring it, lets test your mettle, and Marta Rial who lives in Vilagarcía, Galicia, Spain, if you got any grandkids or something and you think you can test this, well, fly me out and I will reimburse you if your seed can hold a candle to mine.

Penelope Amelia Frances Rial has been one of the most pleasant surprises, coolest additions, and of course most life altering events that has ever happened to me. (I hope all your panties and male panties are un bundled, did you think I wasn't going to talk about this, come on...you probably also forgot about Dre as well).

When she was born and all new born and stuff, that stuff was wild, it was really really weird, I didn't even know what to think, she was delicate and little and..well little. And I thought it was cool, but then she got older and holy cow, shit is amazing. Once she started getting a little personality and started doing things independently and started reacting and blah blah blah, it was really awesome and I am so glad I got to experience it. And have butt loads more to experience, and I am psychedLets take a little picture walk down the first 9 months of Penelope's life:(if you have corny music, don't play it, actually question the reasons why you have said music)She is like 5 minutes old or something here. This was crazy, it was hell on Sarah, it wasn't as scary or shocking as dudes with smaller male genitalia than mine have said. something like 36 hoursin labor, but prolly more. (there is no 36 chamber...right...huh...Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang!)Hospital in the first week of being born part two, she spent 60 hours or something a couple days after she was born in Phoenix Children s Hospital for some dehydration that was fixed a couple hours after we were checked in, this sucked, but it was better to be safe than sorry. She also got a spinal tap, which is pretty gnarly.We have already shown this one before, but this is some classic Penny.Back when wearing bonnets was cool, and hanging out in swings and sleeping like all day, she is sooo over that now, she plays pinball and smokes...wait that is me.this is when she finally realized...holy crap, that is what you look like dad, I hope I take after mom (sappy and corny, I know, but really she said that:reference the increased whiskey intake)Out on the downeating for the first timeArmy crawl actionOnly thing that can get me to stand is my own reflectionHalloween"I can't take 12 steps homey, what you know about that?"Last Week (she dress like that, I told her we are southwest, not southeast, she then told me to shut up and go crack corn, i have no idea what that ment.)

So yeah, Penelope has opened a whole new world of touching feces on a daily basis and being semi ok with that, a world were eating off the floor isn't just for me anymore, a world were me and Sarah are totally and fully stoked on having this tiny little person in our lives.

Ok, so the year is ending soon (and the world, but that is best told in the new blockbuster 2012 starring John Cusack, go see it and don't tell me how it ends, or ever talk to me again while your at it) So us at the Rial Blog Robotic Massage Parlor and Saw Mill have decided to start a multi part series of things that made this year HUGE!

Lets get a small recap about this year Anno Domini 2009.I went from drinking whiskey with cola to drinking whiskey straight.I experienced a -15 degree day at a funeral.I bought a house.I had my possessions stolen from a previous house.

Hmmmm...what else happened this year....buying the house was pretty huge....uuuuggghhhh...yeah I think that was the milestone...the house.....well this is an ongoing series, so maybe I will think of something bigger and more life changing than the house purchase.

But, part one of this series will be a little more focused then a free flowing one sided discussion, oh yes, direction, goals, vision, that is what we are aiming for here. So Part one of 2009:

MUSICSo this year kicked off with my band, Said Gun playing our first "show" and I put that in quotations a it was a new years party, but it was a show non the less, all Said Gun shows are a show in some sorts, and sometimes we play music. Since that night, we have played around 20 shows, three outside of Phoenix and 2/3 of those weren't disastrous, we recorded a 6 song demo and made some stickers and shirts and have had a great time. This has been pretty fun.

Now this year has seen my musical taste go from crummy vocals, emotional lyrics, post hardcore instrumentation domination to sludgy, drudgy, swampy, heavy. I still very much love the before mentioned music, but the heavy has really drawn me in.

Baroness - Blue AlbumA quick google search has resulted in these adjectives to describe this Heavy band from Georgia:sludge metal, progressive metal, post-metal, Southern rock, the dissonance of Fugazi, the classic gallop and twin guitar work of Thin Lizzy, and the stripped-down, straightforward approach of a jam-oriented indie rock band, pure heaviness offset by an often startling knack for arresting melodies.What does that all mean? These guys friggin rule, and I highly recommend that you see them live, it is really important in your quest for heaviness (if you are on such a quest and you should be) Don't let the metal part turn you off, these guys are more HEAVY than metal, think Fugazi and Helmet mixed with Built To Spill and early metallica.(Right Click the links for vids)Swollen HaloA Horse Called GolgothaThe Sweetest Curse

Russian Circles - GenevaBorder line fantasy music...more like instru-metal, classic combination of quite loud quite, but done from a more "indie rock" sensibility, excellent driving music, work music, house cleaning music. Exceptional drummer as well. This band has been getting better and better with each 6-7 song release, shit is tightGenevaFathomMelee

Pelican - What We All Come To NeedAnother "stonor" "doom" "post rock" band that is a kind of blend aggression with a pop sensibility. A more working class version of Russian Circles, these dudes really brought with the new album as well. Again, shit is tight.GlimmerEphemeral

propagandhi - Supporting CasteHoly crap this record is soooo good. I thought Less Talk More Rock was the pinnacle of albums and the end all be all of how I think a record should sound like and be layed out, track wise, subject wise recoding wise, concept wise. But shit man, this one blows that away. With the departure of the Weakerthans guy ushered in a new an awesome era for propagandhi, that has helped bring me into the fold with regard to heavy music, 2001 Todays Empires Tomorrows Ashes, then Potemkin City Limits and now this, Supporting Caste, it is what all the previous post Sampson albums have been leading up to. This band as never ever been better, and they have a fourth member.Night LettersDear Coaches CornerPotemkin City Limits

Friday, December 4, 2009

No more, this is it! The end, its been fun...but I cannot and will not take anymore. Vampires are sooooo lame. Never have then been cool, Count Dracula? Dude was stuck in his stupid castle and could only really travel as far as that crummy Transylvania to eat out, and let me tell you something about eating Hungarian's, its no Samoan. Plus what was he the Count of? Was he the count of the rocky, vampire infested little burb that he terrorized? Why is this a big deal, that polygamist dude in Northern Arizona/Southern Utah had a bigger district to terrorize and he isn't glorified. I am sure there are plenty of blood drinking, flesh tearing, awkward sexually ambiguous dudes all over the forgotten margin towns of eastern Europe. But I will give it up to the Count for at least being an OG (never mind the legend of Vlad the Impaler were this story emerged from, because, well, history is for game shows involving 5th graders and channel 71 Cox Cable, not for blogs.)

What is really tipping the scales here is this situation we have with all these G-D vampires that have nice hair and hunky looks and are driving me nuts. Lets take it back a good 15 years. Interview With a Vampire. This is the gold standard of modern day vamparism, homo-erotic, powder faced, foppypansy's with a lust for blood and being totally lame. Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and that one girl with the weird placed eyes...not scary, not cool, totally dumb. What is it that attracts the masses to this level of total mediocracy, because that is all vampires are, mediocre. They don't savagely tear flesh like say a zombie or even a werewolf (who are also on thin ice with me) They are sexually repressed and take it out by being creepy and not by being sexual psychopaths like say a jack the ripper of mass murder. They are just run of the mill immortals, and not cool immortals like Highlanders, just lame ass blood drinking immortals.

Friday, November 27, 2009

My sister Amy came over to the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat last night after thanksgiving, in which Penelope awed the Masses with her feets of assisted walking strength, and we watched NOTORIOUS the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, and she left interested and wanting more. So with out further adu, here is the Rial blog quintessential guide to hip hop.

right click the links to have them play uninterrupted this chronicle

GravediggazDiary of a MadmenA group from New York well-known for its dark sense of humor and abrasive, menacing soundscapes. The group was formed in 1994 bringing together Prince Paul (The Undertaker), Frukwan (The Gatekeeper), Too Poetic (The Grym Reaper) and RZA (The Rzarector).Taking the WU an dmaking it evil, tight!

Souls of MischiefFrom 93' Tila group from Oakland California that is also part of the hip hop collective called Hieroglyphics The Souls of Mischief formed in 1991 and is composed of emceesA-Plus, Opio, Phesto, and Tajai. Totally skateboard hip hop, and totally the reason Hiero is legit, Del is cool, but the mighty Souls add to the group so much more

Jay-ZAin't No NiggaHe is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America,having a net worth of over $150 million,selling over 30 million copies of his albums in the United States alone and receiving several awards for his musical work.Still making great songs.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Penelope is making all sorts of gestures and expressions of emotion, Laughing, pretending to laugh because other people are, and the laugh, the real one, is cute, because it is real, its her real voice making a giggle like sound. Warms the photogenically frozen heart right up. She makes a face when she doesn't like a food we are giving her (looking at you carrots and sweet potatoes) and its this super puckered "I just ate 45 atomic war head" face. Any way, people love, or at least like to tell you, about there baby's progress. And on the whole its boring right? I kinda think it is, unless its:

"my three month old made a sign proclaiming her hate for homo's"or"my one year old just told me to shut up and clean the kitchen, Adam didn't eat the forbidden fruit til women kind temped us, at least you can do is scrub that casserole dish"

Right, that kinda stuff would be epic, but no, we share weekly progress reports to the masses. Its not like your baby was the first to pull there crap out of there diaper and smear it all over the wall, it is not like a first step is THAT important, tell me when they take there final step after having to deal with 75 years of crushing defeat after crushing defeat. Well...guess what, it is kinda important. And I speak for every parent every where, its true, I have a signed affidavit stating so, I also have all your social security numbers, so get ready for some phone sex charges on credit cards you didn't know you had parents of the world...where was I?...oh, yeah, this shit is important because last week, the baby didn't do that. One week ago they laid on there backs with there waste taped to there bottoms, they made intangible nonsense with there teeth less mouths, they woke up every 3 hours. It is friggin insane when a baby goes from one week staring at you blankly, to the next recognizing you and calling you dada (i am fairly certain this hasn't happened to me yet).

I mean, what the hell did you do last week? Not learn the lesson that playing Bejeweled Blitz when you should be headed out the door will make you late for work? Not remember that Taco Bell only tastes good when your drunk or you haven't had it in 2 months? This friggin things are evolving. baby's are growing so fast it is making us look bad. In a weeks time we couldn't meet all the goals on our to do lists, and we are all ready "evolved' or "grown up". In a weeks time we will do nothing to improve our lives, and mostly do things to make our lives worse. Its wild, that is why parents tell you about the boring crap there kids do. because that shit is insane and waaay cooler then watching Law and Order marathons and promising yourself the diet will take next week, after you get one more bucket of KFC or whatever is hot on the streets now a days.

And speaking of expressions, we need to get on the baby chain, eff feelings. When we don't like something, lets start saying:

"naw, thats out man, I don't like it"instead of"WEEELLLLLLL, umm, maybe, but I don't really know, I am probably going to think about it"

Man, forget that, say no, say you aren't going out, do you really think your going to have a lasting negative effect on a person by shooting them straight. Honesty, don't be a dick, but don't be a subliminal dick by trying to not hurt the persons feelings. Come on ego maniac, you think you can ruins every ones day by disapproving of there ideas or actions, every day I am told no and tuned down, sure it phases me, phases me to up the anti, to make a better product to bring some better ideas or to just go to lunch alone, its ok, there will be around 500000 more lunches or something like that.

So lets be like baby's and where our emotions on our sleaves, I am sure it will get us all where we are destined to be, alone, eating lunch, the way god intended.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Ok, so I haven't had a potentially harmfull confrontation with a complete stranger in a long time. Maybe having a kid has taken me out of such situations...less frequently in those situations should I say, because I went to go see the band Dillinger Four and I was riding in a van from the house show to the bar show and some stranger was getting bummed and aggro that my knee kept touching his knee in a sardine packed clown van and when we finally arrived to our destination I grabbed his knees rubbed em real nice, told him to eat a dick and disappeared into a large crowd. But other than that occasion, no real hairy situations.

This was a semi common occurrence for a while lets say between 2003-2007 to be the prime lets try and fight Corey years. There was this huge, 40 year old gangster dude, like some Mexican Mafia or some silly street social club, in my electronic music class at Glendale Community College who wanted to fight me for making fun of him after he kept blowing me off about an assignment we had...long story, but I got the hell out of there after he stood up to throw down. There is the guy at Greenway Village Cocktail Lounge that wanted to stab me after I asked him to "meet me half way" (that's arm wrestle for you uncivilized, and he asked me to play pool, I said no, wanna meet me half way, no reason to want to stab some one)....(well, he also started talking about how he hates Mexicans and I started talking about how I love venereal disease and open sores....and if it wasn't for my brother in law who was in the middle of a knife fight standoff, I would probably have a couple gills). There is the guy I "accidental" flicked a lit cigarette on and it burnt a whole into his sweater and some old man wanted to test his mettle. There is the underling co-worker who tried to fight me for all the reasons above complied into 8 hours a day every day.

But anyway, yea, there are alot more examples, and quit frankly, boy am I glad I never actually got into Said fights, and I am glad that these situations are not occurring as much as they used to. I haven't actually thrown a fist in anger or whatever constitutes fighting know a days since I was 15 years old, so yea. Anyway, I am developing some sort of new perspective I think, I will run a battery of tests on myself, including and not limited to electro-shock, water boarding, hypnotherapy, and starvation, see if I could come to some new level of enlightenment.

On another note, my sister and her boyfriend puked all over a couch I had and essentially ruined it, people either don't like my snarky signs or don't understand how toilets work and I have been so full of food since Saturday.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

You know something about walking 804 kilometer or something , but this is considerably shorter.

Let me preface this a bit.

Penelope, disputatiously (spell check may be pulling my leg), has very poor taste in music, and really can you fault her, she was raised by migrant farmers for the first 6 months of her life, you know with the recession and all, you can get what you can take. But I digress, her taste in music is the topic at hand, and oh brother is it bad. War'sLowrider really gets her bouncing in her one pieces, and while that isn't all that bad, it gets worse, that song is the best in her playlist. What really gets her amped is Solange Knowles (Beyonce's little sister) Children's album. Man does this thing suck, but the baby can't get enough.

So, as part of our training for her to be oblivious to counter terrorisminterrogation techniques, we push the demo on her Solange Cd and then place the item well out of reach. Well, this time, the baby had had (is this proper grammar? Where is my copy of wordperfect 1997....) enough, she rose to her feet in defiance, mouth grinning as wide as it can get, and she walked over to the book case to retrieve her favorite CD/chew toy. Well, of course she failed, it was 6 steps then the floor, but that is pretty crazy right? I mean not in the Pontiac Silver Dome being sold for 500k crazy, but to this small and humble Quaker family it was pretty heavy.

That is the URL address in the title...you like that, full circle. Any way, sooo...how are you readers of borderline interesting blogs doing?.....well, I can't hear your reply so i am going to assume miserable. The type of miserable sunny 75 degree days can bring, the kind of miserable low of 50 and clear star filled nights can bring, the kind of miserable good gas mileage brings. i know I know, we all pine for the days of summer spent thanking the all mighty gods of wind and sand for the microwaved potting soil-esque conditions of May-Sept, but this miserable extended fall will end soon enough, to not worry. Just stay inside and shut the blinds.

Penelope has taken steps, independent of any type of support (not counting emotional support, but she doesn't get that either, we are trying to crush any hope or self esteem she has so we can fuse adamantium to her bones and unleash her into the Canadian wilds) She even has this walker thing, like the kind old people and crazy obese people use, but it sings jazz standards and has wheels, and she tears ass all over the place in it. She even paces up and down the side walk, cussing at young kids for being too noisy and for cars driving to fast. it is cute, cuz she is like 8 inches tall and the fact that she can do this defies all odds.

But she is growing into a very cute little person, hair coming in, pants being worn, phrases crudely repeated, its pretty effing rad.

We at the Rial Blog Corporate Headquarters and Brain Trust Frozen Depositary are having an annual party/pyramid scheme seminar Saturday that will involve eating textured soy protein and drinking fermented wheat. I am excited, I would be "need to change my pants" excited if a representative from the Clan Candela could make it, but I understand that there can be only one and the constant pursuit of other sword wielding immortals is a full time job. But it would still be cool. My sister is heading down from the great white north to hang, she is very pumped, as am I. We like each other more when we see each other on every solstice, but I am more excited for her to she Penelope, as she has progressed into a stealth fighting machine, and my sister really needs to practice against a worthy opponent. Also attending is...well who cares, it should be fun, and maybe I will post a blog about it with pictures and haiku's!

That is all for now, I promise on the United States Constitution that more of this insight will come flowing out of the Internet much like the Colorado river once it makes to Mexico...errr. like a stream...eff it. I will write more.

Monday, October 12, 2009

i was sitting down and actually got half way thru a fairly lengthy post about lotion....BORING, i know, what happened? i some how fell off, not to toot my own horn (ha, toot my own horn!) but I did used to write somewhat funny/interesting things right? Well, you know on sitcoms when they run out of ideas and they just give you a montage? Well, here is our greatest hits over the past year. Read it and weep suckers.

Monday, December 29, 2008

"...let me leave you with the plans for our guest bedroom. In order for us to save some money, pay down debt and me to get Internet phone, we are canceling the cable and upping the netflix/reading. So we have begun setting up an arts and crafts room in one of our spare bedrooms, we have a table for Sarah's sewing machine, an easel, and a noose for me to hang out on, it is going to be great. Sarahs belly has begun to do weird things like in alien right before the creature burst out that dude, so if we aren't heard from in a couple days, send a re-con team to our house, but don't send the android Bishop, he always gets killed and that white stuff they use inside him is really gross looking, and I have a new rug so yeah, that would be great..."

Saturday, December 27, 2008

"...I have also be getting crap from family members who A) note that I have a red beard and brown/gray hair, and apparently that angers them; and B) I look like a long shore men, which doesn't fly in the desert southwest because of lack of a shore and any type of deep sea fishing industry..."

Friday, February 20, 2009

"So....still no baby. I don't think i can wait anymore, I know Sarah can't. The people at work claim its a boy because boys are lazy, and they think my unborn baby is being lazy. So I quickly retorted with "this is America and you can love it or leave" and they proceeded to love it, then I left it. Work that is, to go home and have a nice lunch with Sarah when low and behold...I had been robbed. (enter organ crash and other cinematic sound effects designed to create an uneasy seems of excitement)"

Monday, March 16, 2009

Monday, May 25, 2009

"UHMMM...the baby cools, so is Sarah, the long weekend has given us all a chance to get to know each other. For example, Sarah feels all brown skinned people should be counted as 1/5th a human and the baby prefers straight chocolate over neopalontin ice cream. (made all that up, except the parts about ice cream and brown skinned folk.)"

Thursday, June 18, 2009

"This little black kid maybe 11 years old max with high water pants and an exceptionally dorky long sleeve polo come up to me and asks me what I am staring at. Kid looked like a tiny Steve Urkel, I look around befuddled, and reply "I was just staring dude, nothing in particular"

He counters with a " cause if you were looking at me, I will bust you up"

Monday, August 10, 2009

"So we last left you with Penelope eating rice cereal, she still does that, she likes it and is better at eating but the smallest distraction steals her attention, much like me when I am driving...wait...no nothing like that, I am focused like a serial killer in a women's gym."

And that brings us up to date. Read these again and remind yourself why I thought I can write a blog.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

So, we steped out our front door and up Sub Trail101, a branch of the 15 mile or something trail 100 that stretches thru the Phoenix mountain preserves. Hiking a mountain is so much fun when you walk stright home to a glass of water afterwards.

At the top sunnyslope side, our house is the one on the very far left corner3/4th the way up. Not sweaty from having a baby strapped to me yet.Sarah and P overlooking the Phoenix sideLooking at Squaw Peak, basketballer players live in the valley between me and freeway...wierdSarah and baby hanging out

Thursday, October 1, 2009

So, we have a 12 megapixel camera, and I have no clue what setting it has been on, because these pics should look so much better, but here ya go!Penelope sippin' water on the walk around the neighborhood, lettin' suckas' knowSquirell chillin on our pine tree out front, he is keeping it warm for the Quail and the roadrunner that usually hangout therethe sunset looking down our block...the neighborhood is called Sunnyslope, and not becuase of the drug dealersPenelope liking what she see'sMexican standoff/full body stare downplaying with what seems to be a white squid, in her room"i aint go back in, not for the life of me, that place changes a man"