Postpartum Depression & Anxiety: The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to who are worried and upset by the setbacks they experience while recovering from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. They have a string of good days and think they’re finally getting better, and then they have a terrible day and feel that all is lost. It’s heartbreaking.

I know exactly how they feel. I can remember starting to feel better after beginning my treatment. I’d have a few good days and begin to glimpse peace. I’d feel like I was turning the corner. I’d have a sliver of hope, for goodness sake. And then — SLAM! — the sadness, anxiety, misery and guilt would flood back over me. I’d think to myself, “Of course. How could I have been so foolish? I knew I’d never get better. I’ll never be me again.” I’d be crushed with disappointment, and angry for even thinking I could ever get back to my old self.

I did get better, though. In fact, I’d venture to say that the me who came out of my experience with postpartum depression is even better than the me who went in. It took a while, but that’s the deal unfortunately. Recovery from these illnesses is a process. I wish it was like bronchitis or strep throat: Call doctor. Go to appointment. Get prescription. Take one pill twice a day with food. Ten days later, all better. It isn’t. It can be scary to hear that, but it’s better to know what to expect so that you can be patient with yourself.

We all start out with more bad days than good, or perhaps even all bad days. Then you have a few good ones here and there. Then you start having more good days than bad. Then one day you realize you’ve had only good days, for a long time, and you have this slow and cautious realization that maybe the sun has come out for good.

In the meantime, don’t let bad days define you or defeat you. It’s okay to have them, and to feel the bad feelings. Just don’t let them convince you that the progress you’ve made up ’til now is gone. You’re still moving forward, even on the rough days. Just continue to do the things you need to do to take care of yourself.

There is one thing you can do to help your recovery process along: Don’t take it over as though you are a healthcare provider. The first time you feel better, don’t decide to quit your meds (if you’re taking them) cold turkey, or quit seeing your therapist (if you’re seeing one) cold turkey, or quit asking for help or taking care of yourself or following whatever method of treatment you and your doctor have decided to follow. This could impede your progress. I know lots of people who decide they know better than their healthcare providers, and so they start making decisions as to what they should and shouldn’t be doing without the counsel of trained professionals. That’s not a good idea.

If you feel like the professional you’re working with isn’t helping you or hearing you, that’s different. It’s okay to go out and find another one. But if you like the one you’re with, don’t ignore your physician’s advice just because you’ve started feeling better, or because you’ve bought into the false belief that you should be over this by now, or because you’ve bought into the false belief that you should be able to get over this all on your own. There is no set timetable for recovering from postpartum depression. And there is no law of nature that states that you’re a better person if you can get over it all by yourself. No one can get through life on their own without help, regardless of whether they’re ill or not. We all need support at some point. It just happens to be your turn.

In the meantime, try and accept that you’re moving in the right direction, even if you have a bad day. Try and find inspiration and patience in your faith, or in music and literature, or in nature, or in speaking with women who have long since recovered, who know how you’re feeling and who know you can get better.

We know how hard it is to wait for the clouds to lift. We know that there are ups and downs, and that it can take a while. We’ll wait with you. You’re worth it.

Katherine Stone is the founder & editor of Postpartum Progress. She was named one of the ten most influential mom bloggers of 2011, a WebMD Health Hero and one of the top 25 parent bloggers using social media for social good. She also writes the Fierce Blog, and a parenting column for Disney's Babble.com.

Comments

Bravo! Well said…couldn't agree more! While I was reading this, it felt like I had written it myself as this is the exact experience I had…relief was s-l-o-w to come and I'm not exactly a patient person to begin with, so playing the waiting game against PPMD was BRUTAL! All you warrior moms out there…rock on! For those of you who are in the thick of PPMD, hang in there…you will emerge victorious! xoxo

This will help so many women!! Thank you for writing it – it was exactly my experience too. I remember when I was "all better", every month around my menstrual cycle I would completely regress and become a mess. My husband and I would get into huge fights and I remember one day sitting on the ground in my side yard balling my eyes out hating my life (and I LOVE my life!) Because I had stayed in touch with my psychotherapist, she encouraged me to calendar these episodes and we noticed they were all within 9 days of my cycle. She helped me to be prepared for them and they never took me by surprise again. Within a few months they were completely gone…
Hang in there ladies! It has ups and downs till the end – but there IS an end!!

I think that as humans we take so very much for granted, and fail to realize just how fortunate we really are. We call the birth of a child a miracle, and truly it is, but are we willing to undergo the needed sacrifices. Your article brings to mind something I learned a long time ago. “For every adversity there is a seed, or equivalent of equal, or greater benefit.” I hope I quoted that correctly, but do you get the point. I’m sure the experience of postpartum depression (and the other ills that go along with it), are no pick nick. Take time to sit back and focus fully on what this is all about. You have just experienced the miracle of birth, and brought about the life of a distinct separate individual, that should make your life worthwhile. The down side is that the birth process for some does not have good side effects. I appreciate the realization expressed in the article of the need to be patient. Give you mind and body time to recoup and readjust. Is it not worth the while to fight for what would be a good outcome, and not give up? Your article also provided good tips that should be kept in mind.

Wow! Although this has been posted a while ago, it did so much good to my soul today! Just hearing that it’s ok to feel like I’m back at square one, but that I’m really not, and that it’s normal and still progress was very encouraging! Thanks!

Also, thank you for this site, not many websites talk about depression as in depth as you do, all they do is list symptoms and refer you to ‘specialists’. Which is all good, but sometimes we just need the support or extra info you provide. So, thank you, again!

THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE AND SITE. It’s so hopeful hearing how many other women have survived this awful illness and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue taking it moment by moment and remember to read this again when I am having difficulties. Thank you so much for your shares. You have truly impacted my life and helped me through a dark time.

I wanted to let you know that I linked to your post on my website’s blog. It’s refreshing to see a blog post that captures the struggle so many experience working toward healing from anxiety or depression. I will be keeping your blog in mind as a resource for clients who may benefit from your articles. Thanks!

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Disclaimer

Postpartum Progress exists to provide peer-to-peer support. The information on this site is for educational, advocacy purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or psychological condition. Please consult your own health care provider for individual advice regarding your specific situation and needs.