Life is a journey. The destination is death. This blog is all about the musings of a sojourner in her thirties, curious about the stops, the fellow passengers, the driver(s), the conditions of travel and the highlights and lowlights. All the while in a place of tranquility: the sanctuary.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Know Thy Man

Knowledge is power, as they say.

In the dating game, women choose, men display. That is how it has always been. That is how it will always be.
It is Nature's way.

A man is on a parade his whole life. From time to time, a woman chooses him. If she makes the right choice and is the right kind of woman, he will get off the parade and will happily stay off.

If she chooses wrong, or is the wrong kind of woman to begin with, he will get violently tossed back into the parade at some point in the future, usually stripped of his dignity, assets and children, in what is known as divorce-rape hell.
Or he may be trapped indoors but looking longingly at the parade outside because he is in a lonely, private hell.
Men are on a constant parade to as many women as possible (usually sexually), in the hope that one of them chooses him (read: will care enough about him to be his loyal, faithful lifelong mate).

Why do women choose, and not men?

Because a woman's eggs are expensive. She has a finite number bestowed on her at birth. And she loses them at a rate of one (occasionally two) a month beginning at puberty until she runs out altogether.
Men are continually renewing their supplies. In reproductive terms, their merchandise is 'cheaper' compared to a woman's.
It is simple biology. And economics.

A woman is therefore programmed to seek the highest bidder (whatever this may mean to her) for her eggs. Cue hypergamy.
She needs to be choosy.
Moreover, she gets even more choosy as she gets older.

Why?
Some men scoff at this apparently illogical phenomenon in ageing women.
This is another example of what I will call 'Masculine eye syndrome' from now on.

To a man's logical mind, an ageing woman should take what she can get, because her overall package is less and less appealing to a man. Because men are attracted to youth and beauty.
Makes sense.

But, from the female point of view, she gets choosier because her eggs are getting more expensive. There are fewer left. They are becoming rare. She needs an even higher bidder for them than ever before.
To men, this is a losing strategy.

Yes, and no.

To a marriage-minded woman in this situation, viewing herself as 'expensive' in a mindless fashion with no insight into the intricasies of the market in which she finds herself is indeed a losing strategy. Failure to understand her true value in the Sexual Market Place (SMP) combined with an inflated sense of entitlement will ensure she never succeeds in her Nature-driven goals.

To a marriage-minded woman who correctly assesses the SMP and adjusts her thinking and therefore actions to best place her in a position to allow her enough suitors to choose from, this could be the best time-period in her entire reproductive life.

Because there comes a time in a women's life when she achieves a state of equilibrium. This coincides with a time when she experiences little or no cognitive dissonance. Her youth and beauty are still intact. She feels 'ready' to take her romantic life seriously. Her maturity suddenly shines through. Her conscious mind finally catches up with her subconscious mind in her pursuit of feminine goals. There are no more inner conflicts left. Her thoughts are aligned with her actions. Her ducks are all lined up. Everything makes sense. This woman, if already feminine becomes 'super-feminine'. If not already feminine, she starts to show signs of it.

In the old days, this moment in a woman's life occurred much earlier in her life.
Nowadays, it happens a lot later.
This is one of the unintended consequences of feminism.

This woman will not be atrractive to the PUA types. Because she lacks the allure of the very young. As the french say, tantmieux! (just as well!), because in fact, this woman, at this time in her life is a very poor match for the PUA.
In fact, being with a PUA is against her best interests, and will put her right back into a state of cognitive dissonance.

For a certain kind of marriage-minded man, this is the perfect woman. For she exudes a certain kind of feminine confidence which attracts only the marriage-minded man. It is a kind of social pheromone. This confidence is not to be confused with the 'strong and independent' feminist balderdash.

Nature aids and abets this woman in her quest to do Nature's bidding.

Note: By Nature's bidding, I am not referring only to copulation of course. I mean the whole package. Nature intended copulation as a way to beget the next generation, sure.
The mission to get this process started was clearly assigned to males. The mandate appeared to be: impregnate as many women as possible in order to guarantee a steady stream of offspring.

But Nature also intended the survival of said next generation. Nature accorded this task to women. Not just by way of endowing her with nurturing qualities, but also by way of giving her strategies to keep the seemingly wayward man focussed on her and not the entire female population. This is why relationships are a woman's domain, in general.

Nature's way to aid and abet women is a double whammy approach.

1. Keep the men simple, straightforward, uncomplicated. This makes it easier for a woman to read a man than the other way round.
2. In addition, just in case 1. is not enough, Nature endows a woman with a special 'female intuition' to allow her to sniff out a man's true intentions (read: character).

A man is usually deeply honest with a woman at some point or other during their encounter. In his actions, his words, his behaviour, his thinking. There is always a clue. Of course, women do the same to men too, but most effectively after he has, first. It only works if she follows his lead.

A woman knows a man she is 'studying'. She may lie to herself following her study, but she knows. Because she has to know. Because Nature gave her that job.

But she has to be ready for the job, otherwise she will do it all wrong.

It would be too simplistic to say that men don't choose. I agree with you there. I am only saying that for the overall longterm success of a relationship, and to avoid the awful consequences of divorce rape, child custody hell, etc, it works best that a woman chooses who she will 'submit' to.It is crucial that she is not a reluctant bride.To avoid being a reluctant bride, she has to choose wisely...and then stick to her decision.I know this is not a popular view, but I am sticking to it simply because I know that is what would work best. All the successful relationships I know followed this formula. It might not be the ONLY formula, but it is one of many I have seen works.

Men make more choices of women than women make of men. So success is more likely if the one who makes fewer choices (women) 'syncs' with the one who makes more choices (men). Because the one who makes fewer choices is the bottleneck in the system.

Of course you will avoid all those types you mention above. That's a given. I am only saying that amongst those you DO choose, it works best if she has put YOU as her Top Choice. Because then she will not try to stray to another guy in the future. It is your surest bet against 'hypergamy'.I hope that makes sense.

I am sure there is a better way to explain all this. It just eludes me for the moment :-)Hope someone cleverer can chip in...

Yes, Anonymous, of course, men choose too. We still do have that measure of freedom, that we can say "no" to a woman who doesn't satisfy our wants.

But she is a wise woman, who knows what she brings to the table (what she has to offer in exchange for a man's commitment)and who recognizes the difference between her needs, her wants, and her wishes. By comparison, all too many of today's women act as though that they deserve it all - a studly, handsome, suave and wealthy gentleman who will sweep her off her feet and then worship at those selfsame feet (no, not a fetish!) -and that her Prince Charming should be happily content with whatever crumbs of return she throws to him.

Sadly, Society, the Courts, and the Legislature side with "Princess Pamper-ME" when she decides "it's over." His is all the commitment, the responsibility, the paying-out of the costs; Society doesn't expect her to give or do ANYTHING in return.

It is a fortunate man who is chosen by a woman who gives commitment herself, takes responsibility for her side of the social contract, and gives him "good value" for his contribution to the life they share. But where do you find such a virtuous woman? Her price is indeed greater than rubies.

Very insightful and interesting! This definitely lines up with my experience in dating; I shudder to think of the guys I almost chose when I was younger. Here's to having higher standards as time goes on. And yes, this does benefit men, too, because what man wants a wife who is always wishing she had held out for something better? Isn't a marriage automatically going to be better if a woman marries a man who she thinks is the best man in the world? (Assuming, of course, that's right in her assessment of him.) How can you go wrong with that?

"And yes, this does benefit men, too, because what man wants a wife who is always wishing she had held out for something better? Isn't a marriage automatically going to be better if a woman marries a man who she thinks is the best man in the world?"

If only some men would take this seriously...it is CRUCIAL for a woman to see him as No 1 and no-one else comes even remotely close. Otherwise there is no chance, longterm.