So I went out with Sally last night. And it went very well. I didn’t know beforehand whether it was a date in the conventional sense, or just friends meeting and eating together. And by the end of the evening I was still none the wiser. Nothing happened to suggest it was anything other than friends eating food together, except perhaps the erection I was hiding under the table throughout the meal, which was particularly potent. (The erection I mean, not the meal.) Oh, and maybe the fact that Sally was very complimentary about how much weight I’ve lost and how I have ‘lovely eyes’. (I don’t. I don’t think.) Oh, and maybe the fact that she split up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, then is suddenly asking me out to restaurants willy-nilly.

I don’t want to keep bringing up Charlie Kaufman in Adaptation, but I keep being reminded of him, of the scenes with Amelia, when it’s clear she wants him and he’s so full of self-loathing that he just can’t see it. Because there are definitely, obviously signs that Sally might be interested in me. Sexually I mean. And if my life were on film and I were watching it, I would be thinking, it’s obvious – of course she wants him – why else would she invite him out and tell him he had lovely eyes? That fact alone is proof enough. But then, back in the real world, I know what I look like and I know what she looks like and I know therefore how unlikely it would be that she would consider meshing her face and body against my face and body.

But then I think, ‘oh, shut up. Not everyone is obsessed by looks. You’ve got a delicious little personality and a sterling sense of humour and that’s obviously what interests her. There’s more to you than an oversized head, a bunch of eczema scars and an arse like a pair of malignant airbags.’ And then I slip my trousers around my knees and pleasure myself to emission.

I’m sorry I had to share that. But I did.

So anyway, whether it was a date or not, it was a lovely evening and well worth sacrificing a speed-dating session. At the very end, Sally gave me a hefty hug and a slightly wet peck on each cheek. Furthermore, we agreed that we’d go to the cinema sometime, maybe at the weekend.

So. Are we going out together now? Have I got a girlfriend?

I have no idea.

The great thing about keeping a blog of course, is that I can simply take all the questions I’m too terrified to ask in real life, and ask them right here!

Crafty eh?

....

A couple of projects I’ve been working on come to an end today, which is a great relief and means I’ll be able to do some more interesting writing next week. Hopefully. Actually I have something in mind, which I’ve been working on sporadically for the last couple of weeks. An interactive thing which will hopefully stop me getting so depressed about plummeting traffic. I know I’m destined to sound like a petulant worm just mentioning it, but lack of traffic and comment really brings me down. I feel all alone. I’m pathetic I know. But I can’t help it.

Oh, and I have to move out of my house. I knew this might happen ages ago and I did nothing about it. Now I have just over a month to find somewhere else to live. I’ve decided that as I have to move, I should move properly – out of South London. I’ve never lived north of the river before, so I figure now’s the time. And if there’s anyone out there who can help, that would be grand. Basically I’m looking for a one-bedroom flat, Pablo-compatible, somewhere nice, like Hampstead or Belsize Park or St John’s Wood, for about £800. Yeah, whatever. Price is negotiable for the right place. If you happen to have a place yourself that you’re moving out of or renting out, then please let me know. Thank you!

21 comments:

caroline
said...

Well, for what it's worth, I think it sounds very promising with Saly.Especially the hug AND two wet kisses, even if they were on the cheek.My fingers are crossed for you.Good luck with finding a new home and have a good week-end.

Well I'm not much of an agony uncle, but that picture suggests a method for bypassing the awkward does-she/doesn't-she phase*: hire a lunatic in a bowler hat to mesh your faces for you. Regrettably I gave my bowler hat away.

*which, for your information, is a byproduct of being male, irrespective of arse-malignancy.

Sorry to hear that the plummeting traffic has been bothering you. I'm sure it's not really plummeting at all. Just that the lurkers aren't commenting much these days. I haven't commented in a while myself, as I got a bit bored with the sound of my own voice. And a bit disillusioned that everyone else has a fancy nickname, while I'm just plain old 'anon'. Maybe I'll invent another fancy name for myself (I did have one here a while ago, but got bored of that eventually).

Anyway, let me tell you about Sally. The reason you don't really know what's going on is simple. It's because she doesn't really know what's going on herself. She likes your words and your personality. She's flattered to be featured on this blog. And she's quite intrigued by your legendary manhood. But she doesn't actually want to be naked with you on a regular basis. Sorry to be brutal, but that's the way it is. So, no, you haven't got a girlfriend. But there's no harm in pursuing this until she decides what to do with herself while she's rebounding from Mr Silver Eyes. (Much like Patricia did, and that wasn't so bad in the end, was it). Well, not for Patrica at least.

Finally, I'll try to check in here more often, if only to abate your depression. Though my posts are generally a bit more narky & negative than those of your other readers, they are all I've got. And they're all yours. Whether you want them or not.

I have to agree with the "anonymous" who posted before me: Sally doesn't quite know what she wants, so she's leaving her options open by kind of/sort of pursuing something with you. By spending time with you that is similar to a date, she's trying to picture herself actually dating with you, and seeing if it's something that she wants, but without making any sort of commitments at this point.

Sorry I don't have any constructive advice for you, but if it makes you feel better I'm a regular reader from the States who happened to stumble upon your blog, and I've found it very helpful in putting my life at university in perspective.

Hmm... give it time. She sure wants company, she may want more, in time. As for the moving house thing, I sympathize. I shall be homeless as of the end of May, and without the means to even afford a room full time. Back into the suitcase whence I came I think, and away...

I'll apologise in advance for pissing on your chips, but the way I read it, Sally is indulging in a well-known female technique. She just split up with someone, right? Well, she'll be feeling a little rejected - even if she did the binning, and so we girls like to spend time with men we know fancy us, even if we're not so sure we fancy them. The more ambiguous the terms the better; that way, we get to feel attractive and wanted but without finding ourselves in the position of having to declare our feelings. Some call it cock-teasing, I wouldn't be so harsh, but if she wanted you, she'd have made it known by now.

Has anyone seen whats been going on at blogography? Dave has become one delusional egomaniac. Pathetic pathetic pathetic. The loser wont even publish "negative" comments. Honestly Bete your blog is so much better, dont worry about few comments, you have loads of lurking readers. Just plz dont start organising competitions with pathetic rules on how many comments you've posted in order to win a prize....

About Sally and you... err, I respect what everybody else has written in their comments replying to your post so far but I dont share those opinions.

No one knows what someone else has inside of his/her head. Ok, you could try to guess it or have an idea, but no one will ever have the capacity to read someone else mind.

It isnt humanly possible.

Thats why I strongly feel that the most appropiate is just to enjoy the moment, dont think about what will happen tomorrow or next week, enjoy today. Live today to the fullest and please, do not spend a single moment trying to discover secret meanings behind her words or actions.

Basically, go with the feeling.Is more natural and less dangerous, I guess.

I dont think shes playing games with you. I see no reason for that. And if she only wanted a one night stand then she would already had it.

If she invited you to spend sometime together first of all, she obviously accepts you. And whats more important: she values your sense of humour and all the rest of virtues you posess!

Probably she feels alone and everything else due to the break-up with her ex, but I dont think shes making a "therapy" by having dinner with you.She feels like getting to know you. Like having a friend or who knows, starting something with someone. I dont think that shes thinking about getting married with you but either about forgetting her ex by having an affair with you.

Good luck and be patient, time will tell!

I read your blog everyday but not always comment because I usually get carried away and write such long replies that I feel a bit embarrased haha

Well, good luck with your move, and congrats on your "un-date". I think the most important thing is whether you had a good time or not. The wet kiss, which was probably intentional may be a sign of good things to come ... don't quote me though :) Thanks for dropping by my blog - I'll be dropping by often to keep up with you!

I agree with Ms. Puss up there. It is entirely possible she's feeling just a bit dejected (even if she was the one who ended it) and needs some reassurance that she's still "got it". Insecurity comes in many forms. I say just up and ask her if she'd fancy a real date. Worse case? You still have a lovely friend to hang about with.

To the lady in Oregon...London is compatible with NYC when it comes to the cost of living and 800 (1600 dollars American) a month is cheap for a big city.

My apologies for not commenting. I always look forward to seeing a new feed under Bete de Jour in my Bloglines listing and love reading your posts. I have to say I would only ever tell a man he has "lovely eyes" if I was interested in looking into those eyes close up. But of course, I can't speak for her.

I was GAGGING for you this morning. I couldn't wait until lunchtime. I've not even done any work yet (and thats what I'm meant to be doing). I've even ditched LC for you - well who wants awesome pecs when you can have malignant airbags? If I disappear it will only because i've a) died tragically young b) developed a mad all consuming stalker-like obsession with you and consequently feel dreadfully unfaithful towards my BF.

I agree with everyone's comments re Sally - even if they do conflict. I've told someone 'hey you've got a really nice X' if I've thought they needed telling for whatever reason - of course I've had to mean it to. Sally might be 'using' you for a bit of a boost. Or she might be thinking 'I really WANT him big-time'. She may think different things on different days. Or even be somewhere in the middle. You're a) going to have to ask or b) just wait to see how things turn out but in the meantime don't pin all of your hope on to the possibility. Anyway, things might have moved on over the weekend....?

Hmm, a difficult limbo between friend and possible rebound guy...this is the half wayy point where she may be entertaining ideas of dating you. So,I say be the catalyst and take the initiative and ask her out on a real date.

If she says yes then you'll be one happy man, dating a girl with silver eyes.

If she says no- you'll just be right back where you are now, so what's there to be scared of? She called you, so why not go for it.

Just don't get depressed and start listening to the Smith's over it if she says no.

At least you won't be in this terrible does she or doesn't she, flower plucking state.

From the fact that you have not updated your blog in a minute- I am hoping that things are going well for you on all fronts:Dating, work, friends, life, etc.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. (I'm especially happy to see you back, Curly. Hurray!) It's great to have you all opining. Some of you worry me. Some of you give me hope. And some of you confuse me. What's an NT person, DJ?

Hen - no, I don't own my own flat. But I'm pleased I have the air of one who does.

Peter, I do know what you mean but Dave's popularity is something I yearn for, frankly. 40 comments on an 'I'm too tired to blog' post. That would give me such a horn.

Lady Lush, if only, yes.

And welcome, Missus Mint, 42 and Artful Kisser. You are all my wives now.

'...I enjoy reading Stan Cattermole’s writing as much as I enjoy Mark Twain and Charles Dickens and Kurt Vonnegut. In fact, I have rarely read anything more painfully humorous and delightfully moving.'

In a nutshell..

I am a good man - loving and funny and true - wrapped in the body of a brutal, brutal mess. I also have a face like a bag of elbows. This is my curse. If you see me limping down a London street, do not judge me - because you do not know me. Just give me a smile, or if that proves too difficult, please try to look away without wincing. It really is the least you can do.

‘You are such a wanker, you really are! People like you make me wanna vomit. My got [sic] the world would be such a dull place if you had your way, wouldnt [sic] it?’- Anonymous Sebastian Horsley fan

‘[Bete de Jour] is an awesome writer, and has the balls to write about some ridiculously personal stuff…. Read his 'significant moment' posts… they're all great, and revealing, and refreshingly honest.’- TheTelf

‘I salute your great honesty, unless you made it up, in which case I salute your great dishonesty.’- Larry Teabag

‘Your blog is really good and interesting, even when you are writing about disgusting things like vomit and poo.’- Uncle Did

‘I knew it! Surely there had to be something worth reading out there in Blogland. And now I've found it. I did read the one track mind girl for a while, but then everyone told her she was a good writer, so she started writing like someone trying to be a writer, which was tiresome. I hope that doesn't happen to you… More power to your elbow(s).’- Brian