Monday, January 27, 2014

There's nothing like watching a few minutes of the Grammys (or listening to Top 40 radio) to make one realize just how out of touch one is with popular music.

What happened to Nelly? I feel like the last time I was anywhere near knowing what was going on in hip hop Nelly was involved.

I've discovered something about myself while listening to Metallica: I really prefer songs with words I can understand.

On that note, I miss Adele.

I have developed an unhealthy disdain for Neil Patrick Harris, ever since he began dating Robin and How I Met Your Mother went down the toilet. I'm sorry that was crass. Allow me to rephrase: down the crapper.

You know what would be really cool? If those robots turned out to be Milli Vanilli.

I wonder if the Grammys will bring back Nickelback in 2024 and let all the current artists say how inspired they were by them. Yeah, probably not.

And introducing a brand new feature I like to call "Overheard in my living room while watching the Grammys." Or as it is less commonly known, IYROOBTY presents OIMLRWWTG:

"Good grief, what is with all the Band Perry ads during the Grammys?"
"Uh, that's Shakira."
#OIMLRWWTG

There. Now you've gotten to experience what it's like to watch the Grammys with Bone. And this way we didn't even have to have one of those awkward moments where we're sitting on the couch together and our hands touch and we wonder if we should just leave them there and see where it leads, or move them and never speak of it again.

Thank God.

Well, it's a Music Monday, on a Monday no less! I feel safe in saying you'll never see this song on the Grammys. And to date, I can't say I've ever actually heard it on the radio. Boy, I really should be in promotions or marketing or something.

Over the past several years, I've gradually lost interest in much of
what gets played on mainstream country radio. Thankfully, there are
still "country" options out there, you just have a dig a little.

I was introduced to the Randy Rogers Band 3 or 4 years ago. According to Wikipedia, they are classified as "Texas Country," which to me sounds a lot like what used to be simply called country.

They are coming to Marathon Music Works in Nashville next month, and I'm hoping to go. (After all, I do have a birthday coming up.) This is my favorite song of theirs, and it always seems to come to mind when the weather turns cold.

"I'm just not same / I walk down these streets / I swear I hear your name / But it's just in my head / Wish you were in my arms instead..."

Sunday, January 12, 2014

(This is the third article from/for my yet-to-be-established website, FakeOnion.com.)

Citing a fractured family life, general malaise, and the fact she doesn't even know the name of The Bachelor this season, Rochester's Anita Lyfe announced her retirement from the popular Facebook game, Candy Crush Saga, on Tuesday.

According to one co-worker, Lyfe had just completed level 417 when she put down her iPhone and said simply, "No mas."

When reached for comment, Lyfe deadpanned, "There's only so much jelly one person can clear."

Asked later what she planned to do with the ten to twelve hours per day she spent playing Candy Crush Saga, the mother of two
said she didn't really have any plans. "I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest. Obviously, I need to catch up on The Bachelor. And I guess I could try talking to uh, what's his name, my husband. Or finding out what's going on with my kids in school."

When informed her oldest child had graduated from school last year, Lyfe appeared confused, as if she didn't quite understand the words that were being spoken. And if only for that instant, some say she became an almost sympathetic figure.

As for a possible comeback, Lyfe didn't completely rule out the notion, saying only, "I mean, you never say never. But right now, I don't care if I ever see another green Chiclet thingy, grape hexagon, or blue ball in my life!"

Lyfe also revealed she thinks she may have the beginning stages of carpal tunnel syndrome. "Best I can tell from the WebMD symptom checker, it's either that, shingles, or osteomyelitis, whatever THAT is. So I'm going with carpal tunnel."

The money they will save from in-app purchases will more than pay for her carpal tunnel treatment, according to Anita's husband, F. M.
Lyfe.