Wouldn't you rather~
Wouldn't you rather be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead heart, I'd never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
All synonyms say of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
Go ahead and do us all a favor,
hide and stash yourself away from all your neighbor.
I think I'd rather have my eyes stuck with glue
So I won't have to look at you
When it comes to family friends, you ain't got none.
You're always gonna be called the lonely retarded one.
Who could ever love a face like yours.
not even your mother see's pass your gores
No need for privacy when you pee
Go ahead and take a leak and drown yourself in the sea.
Don't think for one second you are irresistible
Love making with a zombie is impossible.
Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head
The time to kill yourself is at hand.
Slicing your wrist is what we recommend.
Cut your tongue off, don't want to hear you squeal.
Blood all over, your face is no big deal
A sword or machete will only pick up the pace
I wanna see your guts pop out your mid-waist
Contaminated objects is a must
Anything to remove your face of disgust.
The easy part is the best
Once you are gone we will all feel blessed,
The flaw of your existence
Is what keeps us all in distance
Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head
Close your eyes and die
No one wants to hear you cry
You said you wanted to be loved
believe me~ you're better off unloved
I say do yourself off
Anyways you've always had it rough...
Go ahead and scream
This is not a dream
Now see how you make me feel
All I want is for you to end your ugly ordeal.
I will praise this day of course
Knowing soon you'll be a rotting corpse.
happy valentine ~ TO: All My DEADBEAT X-es from Texas.

Introducing: Nate & Linda
The smile on my lips
is forced and coerced
I pretend to pay attention
give the best possible advice
everyone praises me
I'm so kind, polite and nice
It's all just automation
I rarely actually listen
certainly don't care
all I'm doing
is playing human
blending in
fitting in
I'm so perfectly hidden
you'll never even
see a curtain,
from where I stand
Majoring in social events
Put on a pedestal
for computing with you
I'm so perfectly hidden
smiling from time to time
Labeling those
with all sincerity
open soldiery
Passing along an appeal
continuing to fit in
blend in
pretend
force program
Is it just me or
am I the perfect human?
~A Poet Destroyer Collaboration~

One look at you – that’s all it took
Those long long legs that seem to go on forever
Those eyes staring at me
All I feel for you is revulsion
Hate – it’s a horrible word but I simply detest you
There is no place for you in my life
Goodbye
So I flushed the spider down the plughole
26th March 2015

No one wants to be left on the shelf for years
Guess you could say I’ve popped my cork
Now I’m fully mature with a rich full body
I could be described as a little fruity with a hint of spice
Please don’t keep me bottled up
Just give me time to breathe
Contest :- A wine Connoisseur
Sponsor: Chase Trevi
08~14~15

Just one look at you
Tempting me, teasing me, tormenting me
I hate the feelings you evoke
Greed
Desire
Lust
Just want to hold you, devour you
I don’t want to see you go
But I can never resist the last chocolate in the box!
9th March 2015
Contest – Love or Hate – Pick a subject - Shadow Hamilton
I chose Love as my theme
~awarded 1st place~

The day started badly as I had a bat flattery on my vodge diper
It was roaring with pain when I arrived at the par cark at the mall
Went to put my bopping in the shoot and I turned into a bowel feast
I’d had a blushing crow… there was a rent in the dear
It had been hit by a bunken drum - I was mopping had!
He tried to apologise but was whiring his slords
I got out my phobile moan and a policeman cook my tall
He arrived at the mall in his canda par at the lead of spite
After my lad buck I went home to tell dumb and mad
Dad teased my ears, said I could use the buttle shush until it was mended
Contest: Spoonerisms Sponsored by Roy Jerden
02~29~16

I once dated a pilot …
We both had our head in the clouds
Our relationship lead to a lot of turbulence -
I guess it never really got off the ground!
I once dated a glazier…
He thought I would be putty in his hands
But I could see right through him…
He was constantly smashed
I once dated an undertaker…
He knew he had stiff competition
I couldn’t cope - he was always ‘coffin’ when he picked me up in his hearse
He had no sense of humour in fact he was dead boring
I once dated an angler
The thought he was a real catch…
But the scales soon fell from my eyes
As he was obsessed with his flies
I once dated a footballer
He thought he could score with me
Told me he had great tackle…
But it was just a load of balls
I once dated a fishmonger…
He thought he was cod’s gift to women
He invited me back to his plaice…
Where I found out he was really a cold fish
Submitted to 101 poems in a row
Sponsored by PD Linda:-)
15th April 2016

I met this cool dude called Jaffa
At the beginning he was so sweet to me
Sadly after a while he gave me the pip
In the end he ran out of juice and I had to squash him
Then I pulverised his flesh to a pulp
Cheers!
Contest: United Colours Orange Sponsored by Silent One
03~04~16

Early in the mourning she rose
She wood fined her boat
Wear she rose across the see two the sure
Their she mustard all her mite
And toad the boat on the beech
Butt if the thyme was write she tide it two a boy
She could hardly weight
Four she nose she will sea her suite sun
They wood sit on a bolder, brake sum bred
Then they eight a hole pair
Her sun called her a deer
He tolled her when he urns enough doe
Ore got sum tacks witch was dew
He wood by her a flour at the bizarre
Witch could be tide in her hare
The cent of the rows wood bee sew sheikh
One knight he said she wood prophet
If she past buy a different root
He new the currant could get ruff
The whether was no longer fare and getting two chilli
She road away into the missed
Aisle meat ewe next weak he balled until he was horse
He trussed he wood see her next weak
Only Homo’s ‘Aloud’ – Jerry T Curtis
23rd March 2015
~awarded 1st place

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again
asking why I didn't do something useful
with my time
Like sitting around the pool
drinking wine or something?
Talking about my "doing-something-useful"
seems to be her favorite topic
she suggested I go down to the Senior Center
and hang out with the gals
I did this but when I got home last night
I decided to play a prank on her
I e-mailed her and told her
that I had joined a Parachute Club
She replied, "Are you nuts?
You are 78 years old
and now you're going to start jumping out of planes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card
and e-mailed her a copy
She immediately telephoned me and yelled
"Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?"
This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club
not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said,
“I really don't know what to do
I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
Contest Name: I really shoulda' read the fine print.
April 12, 2016

PORTRAIT OF SUSAN C.
If you glance at Susan
Three days in a row
same pose
same tilt of head
same diverted eyes
brows raised
firm round lips
She says something different
Each ardent flip
I suppose it’s the passionate red dress –
how it hangs in perfect V
only a suggestion of feminine property
how it further urges her tinted ivory skin
Oh! And the long sleeves –
how they paint those meaningful
finger slims
Yes!
The dress –
It quite overcomes
Well Susan is blond
Really blond –
long-hair-hanging blond –
It sweeps round her ears
To frame a coquettish-near smile
She’s fair enough for movie fame
Yet?
Take the expression away
And…well…
It’s back to the dress for a while
Oh there’s so much movement
In those hanging folds –
none the same –
So much suggestion
Even softness
satin flame
Ummm humm… hmmmm
To end though
The whole is T-Susan
The ever notorious tease –
the come-on
slight show of flesh
those white clear eyes
of kidney pool blue
Damn! lady!
Pity the poor sap
Runs into you
Dave Austin

~SLY FOX~
There you go again little Sly fox P.D.
Another game of tag and jeopardy.
Clever, clever, little fox so bloodthirsty.
Chaos roams through your veins of liberty.
You walk the ground, prancing around your hostility.
Marching down with the dignity of mis-guided anarchy.
I'm gonna hunt you smell end it well.
Hang you up from your trophy tail.
Kiss your night one last farewell.
By morning dawn your foxy tail,
Won't live another tale to tell.
I'm gonna find ya' ~ pull your hideout from where you hide.
Smack you around in your everyday rebellious ways.
Thinking you can defeat my crowd with your lawlessness..
I don't need no hounds to track your unlivable Holy-mess.
You created a selfish character of kindness for the blindness.
You prey on the sheep's and linger on their wall of hopelessness.
Your sinfulness grew from the boldness, and bitterness,
Of growing up parent-less.
My dear Sly Fox are you on alert with your ears of nobleness.
Did you not hear me creeping while you were sleeping.
Sly fox the destroyer!
You are right, you are a mischievous game of hunt!
My trap is set and waiting for you by the river front.
Go ahead, take a drink, pull one last obnoxious stunt.
Run and run, as fast as you can!
You can't out run this one game of Skitty Skat fox hunt.....
~SKAT~

They call her big Gina
You'd know if you seen her
She is a toilet cleaner
She wears a white smock
Armed with bucket and a mop
She likes to keep things clean
And is a real scrubber
If you know what I mean
She whistles as she goes
With disinfectant wafting under her nose
She replaces toilet rolls
And cleans the toilet bowls
She really loves her job
She has a cat called Doris
And a husband called Bob
Her job is dirty and often smelly
She has a tattoo of a toilet on her belly
At the end of the day
She puts her mop and bucket away
Goes home and has a shower
Then cleans the house within half an hour
Her husband makes her mad
Leaving the toilet seat up
She puts toilet water in his cup
Of tea to sup
She has a daughter called Pru
She dreams of being a toilet cleaner too
She doesn't care about the smell of poo
Just her dream comes true
We should all appreciate toilet cleaners
Just like big Gina.
''Warning! Toilet water in tea. please do not try at home.
could be dangerous and doesn't taste nice''.
Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Anytime I feel hungry instead of eating a full meal I eat Honey.
The best part is that Honey doesn't mind, she's a sweetheart.
Maurice Yvonne
20~11~2014
The Refrain
I bought a box of Animal Crackers.
On the box it said
"Do not eat if seal is broken"
So I opened the box.
I looked inside and sure enough...
The Encore
If a parsley farmer doesn't pay his bills
can they garnish his wages?
Closing Remarks
There is a new virus. It has no symptoms and no consequences.
I am terrified. It turns out I have been diagnosed with it.
I am not a hypochondriac. I really do have it. If you
don't believe me ask my Gynecologist!
Maurice Yvonne
11~20~2014

Some folks call me a sausage dog
I think they couldn’t be meaner
It’s not my fault I’m long and short
And look like a misshapen wiener
I’ve got four stumpy little legs
So my tummy is near to the ground
My owner’s take me for a drag not a walk
Guess that's why they named me Cigarette!
01~16~15
Contest: Dachshunds – Rob Carmack
~awarded 9th place~
Premiere Contest #13 sponsored by SKAT

The fire brigade are on standby
With their hoses in their hand
For today it is my birthday
My birthday cake is on a stand
There are so many candles
It is a health and safety risk
So be ready with the hoses guys
And make sure you get here quick!
25th January 2015

Oh why oh why don't you clean your room
I wish I had heeded my mother’s words
For I’m sure many a mother has said this to their child
But fate intervened and the dust still hasn’t settled -
In fact I’ve not spoken to my mother for over a week
Last weekend I met the man of my dreams – James
Tall, dark and oh so handsome, like a young George Clooney
His number was etched in the thick layer of dust on the dresser
My mother took matters into her own hands
She decided to dust and tidy my room
HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME!
His number is erased forever -
I have no way of contacting him
Guess I have learned a VERY valuable lesson
NEXT time I meet someone …
I will write his number in my diary!
25th February 2015
Fictional write for the Gathering Dust’ Contest - John Lawless

Here’s a short story of a cowboy I knew
Whose name was Beg Your Pardon.
He wasn’t a gun slinger in the usual way,
Though his hands were fast
And his foots were faster.
But when Beg started shootin’
There was nuthin’ but disaster.
No worries for Beg, he had none you see,
Since he wasn’t a slinger in the usual way.
But his pappy got ugly
And yelled in his son’s face,
“Until you can shoot
As the son of mine should,
I want you the h*** out of my place.”
Beg had some tricks up his very long sleeves,
Coz he wasn’t a slinger in the usual way.
He’d show his pappy his skill
There’s no doubt about that.
Yet time was a-wasten
So Beg he did hasten,
But first he took off his hat.
He then wound up his body like a Kansas twister
And slung a cow pie in his usual way.
And broke every record
Did our cow pie ringer.
Since there was no one better,
Pappy exclaimed to his son,
“Beg Your Pardon, I beg your pardon
Heck, you’re some kinda’ slinger!”
For Wild Wild West Contest

He was lying there naked
Tempting me –
I wanted him oh so much
Finally I could take no more
I grabbed him mercilessly
Popped him in my mouth
I’ve never been able to resist eating Jelly Babies!
16th March 2015

It never seems to amaze me
How stupid some people are
Whenever I am out
And take along my guitar.
''Is it a guitar'' people say
''No an ironing board''
I reply with dismay.
''Can you play it?''
''No I just carry it about for fun''
Even though it's a heavy one.
''Are they your dogs''
When out in town
''No'' I reply
''their someone else's
And I'm taking them back to get the ransomed money honey.''
After a while i's an annoyance and not that funny.
Peter Dome.copyright.2015. Oct.

"Baby, this view is fantastic,
Who knew what you could buy with plastic!
With these credit cards, unlimited funds,
Any regrets, heck no, baby I got none.
Riding on an interest rate of twenty percent,
Who cares, this is money well spent!"
Says the thief who stole my purse from the rest stop location,
One of the many tales of my no good, horrible road trip vacation.
Riding down I-seventy five, heading to Mackinaw Island for a getaway,
Me and my best boy beside me, taking an adventure, oh what a day.
Construction just north of Detroit, that scary van is stopped to our right.
Keeping my legs crossed, I might wet myself, will that be alright.
He gives me a smile with a crooked left tooth and a wave with two fingers
Push the gas pedal quick, the filthy dirty looks he is giving on me lingers.
Put the pedal to the metal and off we go, not slowing down for no one
Riding high in my seventy-three coupe de vile, the fun has just begun
Didn't see that State Trooper hiding behind that sign, just past Auburn Hills
Tried to out gun him with my 405, but he caught us just past the old mills
"Son you are in a heap of a mess, speeding like Ricky Bobby in Talladega
nights.
Two choices, let me have a spin with your gal or I'll haveta read you your
rights."
After twenty minutes, we sped off not even looking in the rear view mirror
Our vacation destination of Mackinaw Island was getting closer and clearer.
It was smooth sailing, so we thought, as the night was getting dark.
Find a hotel bed soon baby, we all are angst we missed our mark.
The sign said two miles to Holiday Inn, But it’s already been nine.
Comin’ up on us now is a big yellow Dead End road sign.
Down this dirt road we skimming across freshly grated dirt.
Could stop fast enough, deer crossing, don’t worry none got hurt.
Baby this ride is exciting
That’s what I’m supposed to be sayin’
But with my crosses on my neck,
All these issues, dang I’m just prayin’
Ridin’ seventy five, with the wind in our hair.
I don’t care how we do it, baby just get us there.
Finally arrived in Mackinaw City, getting ready to board Shepler's Ferry
The line was long, the lake waves were high, we were saying Hail Mary's
The winds picked up, the skies drew dark. a storm had come without warning
The ferry turned around, couldn't go there now, not until the next morning.
We stayed in a run down, worn out cabin on the edge of the great lakes
Wondering why these vacations always turn out to bring mistakes.
But then I look in your eyes and you look deeply into my mine.
And i know no matter where we go or what we do, everything turns out just
fine.
Vacation Humor Contest
07/14/2014

A POOR ME FOR THE AGES
I was older she was so young I was stupid
But I was helpless she flirted threw me a smile
Oh, poor me I melted that look
That long, black hair that perfume
Those eyes that perfect bod I was so lonely
No one understood me oh, poor me
Didn’t like my job job paid so well though
Wife left me I started drinking
Smoked like a chimney watched porn
Had such fantasies why did she say yes?
Expensive dinner wasn’t that good
And that necklace money getting short
She called me sugar daddy oh, poor me
She was such a flirt she loved all men
Age didn’t matter she has a new car
I paid for it then I really was broke
Had to move sold everything she said, get lost
Lost my job flop house was bad
Cardboard box is worse oh, poor, poor me
Old women shun me dogs and cats shun me
Do I deserve this? Oh well
That roach wasn’t bad no bones
Dave Austin

Weeding the
moonscape of my back
garden,
Truly, it's a big
deal.
Weeding the
moonscape of my back
garden,
My nerves shredding:
The concrete weeds,
I steal
myself for this task
Herculean,
I've delayed, I
admit, for cosmic
eons.
Bravely, finally, I
resolved and booked
one week's annual
leave -
To prepare, to
recover,
From this task that
may take up to two
full-blooded
man-hours!
I'm impelled to
enquire,
Must I find the
power
to take on the
abysmal brat of
flowers?
Fetch me a flask of
sports energy drink,
Complex sugar, I
think, my devotional
shrink.
You see,
I write poetry, so
must I also do
things?
Must I really stand
alone on that flat
dune of grey,
Pockmarked with such
monstrous green
swaying?
The weeds, they are
almost thirty
centimetres, and
grimly rising!
I stare at them from
the window, I'm not
really crying.
Wouldn't you rather
I just wrote this
poem?
How many fresh dead
poets does the world
need?
I'd like to be a
living tragic poet,
not one that weeds!
(That's too tragic,
even for me).
And, look over
there! See!
I might get bitten
by that bumblebee!
And I sneeze like a
banshee when near
trees;
Sometimes three
sneezed sneezes I
issue near weeds.
Yes, banshees do
sneeze.
Weeds are angry
wannabe baby trees,
I'm feeling quite
I'll already,
So ill, I've just
spelt it I'll.
Now that's I'll,
Sorry, ill.
Where's my quill?
I need to scroll the
interweb,
Order some pills -
Those ones,
Exported from the
moon, made in
Hy-Brasil;
Those especial
potions you don't
require an ignoring
doctor to see,
I must have illegal
anxiety.
I'm a poet, it's my
job, silly!
And -
I. Don't. Do.
Wrestling. Weeds.
Yet, here I stand on
the precipice,
There they sway
taunting me,
The emerald streaked
posse of thorny
triffid pisse.
Well, here goes -
One small step for
man, maybe,
But one giant leap
for a poet such as
this..
for more of my
humorous poetry just
google Suki Spangles

What lies behind that grimacing catty coy smile, it’s upside down
Thinking perplexes me mentally, topsy-turvy confusions beastly
Kitty, popping off riddles to confound all humanity’s realistic
Way of thinking!
Swishing his feline tail with utter cat flatting happiness, a word to the
Wise my dearest sweet Alice beware, for no kitty cat alive is truly a bundle of
Purring innocence, nay instead he’s a beguiling master of deceptions
Mischievous intentions gone aria!
Maybe this tabby cats stripped pajamas are simply pulled to tight,
Or he’s lost his tension strength that should attach its head down
Firmly to reality’s base structure, I’ve got no clue to solve this
Feline mystery!
One hundred mysterious questions does this none domesticated
Breed pose, with its contortioned clenched jaw drawn upwards, in a
Silly twisted expression of catus curiosity, by the hairballs finest thread,
What a complexity’s marvel of frustration is this creature, known as
The common housecat, lost in this distorted world of wonderland.
In illusions contrasting existence silvery whiskers fade in and out,
Leaving a smirking smiles reflection, as some delusionary remnant
Leavenings left behind him, as a giggling’s echo rings within the chilling
Nights air, causing a shivers quivering through your humanistic bones
Inward core!
Oh Alice in the queen’s court company, let caution’s judgement be your guide,
For within your mists lies a fury coated cat jester, whom simply wishes to
Cause total chaos, making her majesty to scream off with her head,
Obviously this is one cunning cat, whose missing a few cards short of a
Full deck stack!
Twinkle, twinkle cat eyed star, one has to ponder just ware mentally
Thou’est are, broken tea cups tossed upwards into mid-air, at a mad
Hatters tea party beware, for in the woods lies the Cheshire Cat
Grinning by moonlight’s tricky illumination, kneading at the twilight’s
Fading hour, spouting riddles at innocence golden locks child!
Joker’s wild this cat’s meow, the wonderland river card placed
Wrong side up, sneaky felis disguised in adorability’s fur-lined
Mockery of loving perplexity!
In the rabbits whole chase the hands of time do spin out of control,
As the swishing tail flicks three positions off-set to puzzle the ridders
Quest at solutions resolution, in the night hear the giggling echoes
Ringing, as the Cheshire Cat fades away, leaving last of all his grimacing
Smile behind, as a tautening reminders final haunting clue,
Does he really exist at all, guess!
BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
As my thanks to my sister POET DESTROYER
For the loving blog she did on my behalf thank you sis!