Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

Following the Super Bowl’s surprising end, surely there were thousands, tens of thousands, of fans who felt an aggressive reaction to what had just transpired.

That was my original thought when I read this headline on CNN.com this morning: “Feds: Man at Super Bowl had rifle, ammunition.” It must have been a Patriots fan who, compelled by a few too many stadium brews and an unruly group of fans around him, got out of control and went to his car for a stashed rifle, I guessed.

“A would-be bar owner angry at being denied a liquor license threatened to shoot people at the Super Bowl and drove to within sight of the stadium with a rifle and 200 rounds of ammunition before changing his mind, federal authorities said.

Kurt William Havelock, who ultimately turned himself in, had vowed to “shed the blood of the innocent” in a manifesto mailed Sunday to media outlets, according to court documents. “No one destroys my dream,” he wrote.”

The man wrote a manifesto (eight pages?) promising to kill innocent people as a revolt against the Tempe government—over having his application for a liquor license denied? More than that, the license was to be used for a “Halloween-themed bar” named either “The Haunted Castle” or “Drunkenstein’s?” The simultaneous hilarity/horror of the whole situation baffles me.

Thankfully, Havelock never went through with his plan—imagine having to live with the knowledge that your loved one was killed over a man’s inability to cope with his denial of opening a bar named “Drunkenstein’s.”

To Henry: I’ve got Re-Up Gang Vol. 3 on in the background. This is for you.

Men are measured by many things. I choose to measure myself this morning by my ability to be gracious, humble, and completely and unabashedly honest.

To the Giants and their fans, congratulations.

To the Patriots, fuck you.

I’ve had that inside me for weeks now, just churning in my loins (Will Ferrell can’t just be Ron Burgundy with a basketball uniform on, that’s not original). Like all things kept inside, it grew with each passing suppressive day of silence.

Well, the rationale for silence came crashing down around me last night, so silence, be gone! Get out of here silence (sorry, I just watched There Will Be Blood the other night—you’ll get that if you’ve seen it)!

Although my weekly NFL picks stopped after Week 12 (which may or may not have anything to do with the fact that my pick percentage took Reggie Wayne-like hit), they are back just in time for this season’s most important day.

With the lay-off comes a change to the format. Whereas before I was picking against the spread, these picks are straight win/loss. Reason being, at this point in the season, I care more about the excitement of the big game than I do worrying about the margin of victory. All that matters is winning, do so however you can.

So now, in reverse order (due to a New England bias, naturally), my Championship Weekend predictions:

The sports world collectively upended itself over the past couple of days, and I am reeling. Not in a “my favorite team just got knocked out of the playoffs” kind of way (sorry Colts fans). It’s more based on the insanely high crazy stuff per hour ratio. With so much to weigh in on, I find it only right to bring back the bullets and work my through them.

For the life of me I cannot figure out Terrell Owens. Is he really crying because he thinks his quarterback might be criticized by the media? Isn’t that a little bit like crying on Sunday because the next day is Monday and you have to go back to work?

While my hat is T.I.’d (not arrested, tipped you idiots), one to you as well, Boston Celtics.

Why the hat tipping? Here’s one for sticking it to the haters.

With talks of easy scheduling, cheating, or any other nonsense that is “unearthed” on a near daily basis, the Patriots and Celtics continue to live by this simple mantra: win always, against whoever, however it is necessitated.

You see, professional sports are hard. Yeah, amazing right? The athletes are so uber-gifted it should give you a headache. Get off your butt (in between games), go down to your local gym, and find a group of high-school varsity players some time. In any sport, I dare you. They’ll eat you alive.

In every writing workshop I ever had–or the one’s that were worth a damn at least–the professor would make a general comment on the first day of class along the lines of this: “Leave the disclaimers out of your work; don’t put one in your piece, and don’t give us one before you read it aloud.”

You know what you’ve got to love? The ineptitude of damn near 80% of the NFL reporters and fans this year when it comes to the New England Patriots. It has gotten to the point that Tom Brady—born with a composed intellect, Ralph Lauren model hair, and the faint odor of Stetson cologne—finally allowed his frustration to reach a low simmer. SportsCenter played a voice clip of Brady telling a reporter that yes, in fact, the Patriots are trying to win by as much as they can against every opponent.

“We’re trying to play extremely well. We’re not trying to win 42-28. We’re trying to win–we’re trying to kill teams, to blow them out if we can. You want to build momentum for each week. You don’t want it to be 42-7 or 35-7 and then all of a sudden you look up and it’s 35-21.”

Want to know how to instill confidence in your readers about your picks for Week 11? Simply start off your post with this statement: There’s a good chance that I will go 2-14 this week. On the same hand, there’s an equally good chance I will go 14-2. Apparently, Vegas got sick of being burned by the common-sensical fan (like myself) who realized that a good number of the lines they were putting out lacked, you could say, intelligence (Green Bay -6.5 versus Minnesota? Baltimore -5.5 against Cincinnati?). In response, this week (with the aid of a strangely divided schedule) they decided to try and scare away bettors in an attempt to hedge their losses. In a week where all of the “might be good, might really suck” teams are squaring off, with the exception of the 3 1/2 powerhouses (Indy = 1/2 a powerhouse right now) playing weak opponents, Vegas basically said “Since we obviously don’t know what we’re doing, we’ll make the line a near pick on the tough games and extremely high on the lop-sided games–you go sweat it out!” Thanks Vegas, I feel like Patrick Ewing at the free throw line 39 seconds in to a game.

After having a few people ask me for my NFL picks due to recent semi-success in my Pigskin Pick’em Sports Guy League, I have decided to make my picks a weekly post on commaPause. I’ll give a little rationale behind each pick, but keep in mind, I am by no means an NFL expert (which is probably why I have been doing fairly well this season–a lack of expertise keeps me from over-thinking match-ups, plus I have relatively little team/player bias in the NFL as compared to the NBA). And remember, I charge 20% of all winnings, but the fine print at the bottom removes any responsibility for money lost from my picks. Or at least buy me a damn drink if you make some cash of me.

Results:

Week 1: 13-3

Week 2: 9-6

Week 3: 7-9

Week 4: 6-8

Week 5: 6-8

Week 6: 10-3

Week 7: 7-7

Week 8:10-3

Week 9: 9-5

Season: 77-52

Week 10 Picks (Home team in CAPS, lines based on opening week odds found on ESPN’s Pigskin Pick’em):

Atlanta (+4.5) over CAROLINA:
Carolina has looked horrendous for the past few weeks, with Steve Smith getting very few touches due to merry-go-round of quarterbacks. With Carr out this week, and Testaverde injured, I’ll take the Falcons on this one. (more…)