Funnily enough, I never actually believed in "good" and "bad" foods. My goal was always to lose weight and to keep losing - the lower the better.

All diets I tried (from the cabbage soup diet and what's that one drinking salt water?? to Weight Watchers) had only one focus in mind, to lose weight.

ETA: Actually, that's everyone's goal, isn't it?? What I meant was that I did not care how I lost, I guess - good, bad, drastic ways... until last year. So from a BTDT POV, I think that's probably why there is a consensus.

So you were really just focussed on low low calories it sounds. Does this mean if you ever ate like a cupcake you didn't feel bad thinking it was "unhealthy". I guess you would just feel bad thinking it was "too high in calories". Also, I hope I don't sound dumb, but what is BTDT? I know POV means point of view.

I sometimes go back to threads I havenīt read in a while and when I realize that nothing has changed, I know that staying away is the better choice. I really hope a lot of people read here and feel the same way. You can eat everything and lose weight/be lean.

If any of you need further motivation the author of the book I am reading has a YouTube Channel and I love all her videos. Search "josielenore"

I love that josielenore!! I actually mentioned her videos earlier in this thread but could only remember her as josie someone. It's her videos that really got the ball rolling with all this for me.

Since I'm relatively new to non-dieting, I find the forums helpful; not only threads like this one and the IE thread, but reading the insanity on the other ones as well. Keeps me focused on staying sane about food.

I had posted here about the continuing saga of the returning dieters, you know the ones (and I was the same way)... losing and gaining, losing and gaining. I moved the post to the IE thread but it addressed what you have said above. The saddest part, to me, is that they truly believe this time will be different! But we all know it won't be.

Maybe some of them will find their way to this thread. One can only hope.

I also have the goal of one day being free of even needing to participate in a forum, but right now I need it.

Xena, I have watched Josie's videos. They are great. As soon as I get my iPad updated so I can download the Kindle app I'm going to get her book.

I just added a quote to my sig file that was written by a participant in another forum dealing with IE (I asked her permission, and she said yes ) I don't think she had any idea when she wrote it how much it would speak to anyone, but it certainly did to me. I think you will appreciate her comment.

Southernmavin I love your new quote. It's just wonderful!! I didn't know josie had a book. i might have to get it now

So you were really just focussed on low low calories it sounds. Does this mean if you ever ate like a cupcake you didn't feel bad thinking it was "unhealthy". I guess you would just feel bad thinking it was "too high in calories". Also, I hope I don't sound dumb, but what is BTDT? I know POV means point of view.

Lol, BTDT = been there, done that

I was trying to say that we (as in most of us posting on this thread) are in a consensus because we've been down the restricting path (for whatever reason) and ended up worse-off because of it.

You're right. I would feel guilty because the cupcake had too high calories, not because it was unhealthy for me. I'm as healthy as a horse can be actually - hardly fall ill, vital stats was always fantastic and so on, so the fact that it is crap food per se was never a focus of mine. Simply the calorie content.

Honestly, you should do what YOU feel is right for YOU. Don't worry about what others are saying because we are all individuals and our journeys are individual journeys. Millions/billions of matter/particles make up a body and none of us here will ever know the composite picture of another person.

I think where I am coming from is how hard the battle must be to get to the size each of us wants to be at. As we all know, the harder it is, the higher the risk of failing is.

For me, for example, I want to take the path of least resistance. I want to be the type no. 5 thin person category (being the person who finds it easy to maintain weight, comfortable with the person she is and gives no thought to food other than to use it as fuel but at the same time, enjoys the food she eats and lifestyle she leads). To achieve that, I know that I have to get rid of my bingeing because my problem has always been (a) bingeing due to restrictions and (b) me not accepting that my comfortable weight is actually around 125-130, not 115-120. My restrictions and bingeing (rather than overeating) is what led me to put on weight. It has taken me so many, many years to realize this and to stop not just the restricting, but to stop the mental agony and mental battle I have been bearing all this while.

I am finding it easy at the moment because I don't have any bingeing urges. Yes, I still buy junk (chocs etc) but the great thing about it is when I bring it home, I have no desire to binge. I eat one/two and am happy. This has been so since I switched from rigid restrictions to a totally free from restriction mode in May 2012. Best thing is that I tried on my smallest pair of jeans yesterday (the one I use to measure the size I am) and it fits me pretty well. Sure, 5 years down the road, it may get harder, I don't know. If/when that time comes, I have to put on my "thinking cap" again.

Again, I want to emphasize that each of us has our own way of doing things. The only thing that is different is how easy or how hard our way is and how high the risk of failure is. However, for some people, they need to be disciplined and they need to have rules for eating and exercise. To them, if they do not have rules, the risk of failure is high. For others, too many rules and restrictions mean failure. It doesn't matter which type we are, really, as long as it works for us.

What I am sad about is for those that have that uphill battle and must face that uphill battle everyday. Those are the ones that need to find a better way to lose or maintain the weight they have lost.

Good post. Do you think though that it has to be hard for some people? I almost wonder sometimes if people subconciously want it to be hard because it makes the accomplishment have more meaning. I mean, most of the time people really enjoy being able to accomplish something that is difficult like climbing everest or persevering in school and obtaining a doctorate or post doctorate. The fact that it was difficult makes it mean more and gives oneself an ego boost. I'm not saying I believe this or not about people making losing weight harder than it has to be, just an idea. Also, in a book I read recently says that people like to have a set diet or plan because it allows them to "check out" and feel like everything is taken care of. People don't want the burden of having to think about what they actually want spontaneously. It is too uncertain. People want certainty and comfort without any wild cards. Just some random thoughts I've had.

Also, congrats on the jeans fitting magical!! Must have felt just like southernmavin did when she got to tighten her belt an extra knotch.

And as for me, doing better than ever today. Have not thought about food AT ALL these last couple days. Everything is so spontaneous and I really feel I am busy LIVING LIFE now instead of focussing on what I'm eating or will eat. I've also noticed I have way less negative self talk, not noticing my imperfections and critisizing myself. Instead i look at myself and think "wow, looking pretty good!". It's a nice feeling. My sister came over today with her little girl. It was kind of in between meals and we went for coffee and split a brownie. And it was so satisfying. If it was before she would have had the brownie and I would have sat there being hungry and pissed off at her. Actually she probably wouldn't have had it because she would have known it would upset me. This no dieting thing actually brings us closer now. Also, she arrived with an apple crisp my mom made for me (my mom has always done stuff like that and I usually just give her stuff away or throw it away or I've ended up bingeing on the stuff). The crisp has been sitting in my kitchen for a several hours now and I actually forgot about it and just remembered when I went into the kitchen to make some tea. I would have never just forgotten about it before. It would have been a huge source of anxiety and I actually probably wouldn't have even accepted it from my sister. Now I think I will be able to enjoy it if I feel like it. I haven't yet. Maybe I will have it for breakfast tomorrow .

Also, with my sister having a little girl, it is nice knowing we will not impose a diet mentality on her. That is actually my greatest fear. Both my sister and I had hoped it was a boy simply because boys are a little less prone to eating disorders and there is plenty of evidence out there that women whose mother had an eating disorder or obsessed about dieting and image are way more likely to be disordered eaters. When she was born I just thought how I didn't want her to waste so many years like I have. I want to be a good example for her. I want her to value herself for who she is as a person and not for what she looks like. My sister has done a lot of research into this to avoid raising a daughter with body image problems. She will never compliment her on how she looks, and only for the things she does. Anyways, that's off topic but I couldn't help rambling on. I saw her today and I just love her to death!!

Good post. Do you think though that it has to be hard for some people? I almost wonder sometimes if people subconciously want it to be hard because it makes the accomplishment have more meaning.

Another good insight, VD. I believe that people DO make it harder than necessary for that very reason. It's like they want to believe they're doing something very difficult that requires special knowledge and techniques, like magicians mixing potions: must balance this macro with that one, eliminate foods X Y and Z, eat within a certain window, etc. None of that is necessary for either weight loss or good health, but magic potions are a lot more interesting than the prosaic "eat less, move more."

Good post. Do you think though that it has to be hard for some people? I almost wonder sometimes if people subconciously want it to be hard because it makes the accomplishment have more meaning.

Certainly, I think that is true.

I also think that some people fear that "going off plan" will be too risky for them. This is especially the case for people who keep trying one method after another. If they find one that works for them, it will not be easy for them to move away from the plan EVEN if the plan is full of rules and requires a lot of discipline to follow.

After all, aren't non-restriction and IE actually "plans"?

Many people who are calorie counters advocate non-restriction of food types and limit their food intake by only counting calories.

On the other hand, IE followers could well be on the Dukan diet for example and they eat as much lean meat as they want until they feel full or sated. This is the basic premise of the Dukan diet after all.

And then there is us - the ones who advocate non-restriction AND intuitive eating. That's our plan to lose/maintain weight, isn't it? And we're sticking to this one because it works for us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

Also, congrats on the jeans fitting magical!! Must have felt just like southernmavin did when she got to tighten her belt an extra knotch.

Thank you!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

And as for me, doing better than ever today. Have not thought about food AT ALL these last couple days. Everything is so spontaneous and I really feel I am busy LIVING LIFE now instead of focussing on what I'm eating or will eat. I've also noticed I have way less negative self talk, not noticing my imperfections and critisizing myself. Instead i look at myself and think "wow, looking pretty good!". It's a nice feeling. My sister came over today with her little girl. It was kind of in between meals and we went for coffee and split a brownie. And it was so satisfying. If it was before she would have had the brownie and I would have sat there being hungry and pissed off at her. Actually she probably wouldn't have had it because she would have known it would upset me. This no dieting thing actually brings us closer now. Also, she arrived with an apple crisp my mom made for me (my mom has always done stuff like that and I usually just give her stuff away or throw it away or I've ended up bingeing on the stuff). The crisp has been sitting in my kitchen for a several hours now and I actually forgot about it and just remembered when I went into the kitchen to make some tea. I would have never just forgotten about it before. It would have been a huge source of anxiety and I actually probably wouldn't have even accepted it from my sister. Now I think I will be able to enjoy it if I feel like it. I haven't yet. Maybe I will have it for breakfast tomorrow .

Also, with my sister having a little girl, it is nice knowing we will not impose a diet mentality on her. That is actually my greatest fear. Both my sister and I had hoped it was a boy simply because boys are a little less prone to eating disorders and there is plenty of evidence out there that women whose mother had an eating disorder or obsessed about dieting and image are way more likely to be disordered eaters. When she was born I just thought how I didn't want her to waste so many years like I have. I want to be a good example for her. I want her to value herself for who she is as a person and not for what she looks like. My sister has done a lot of research into this to avoid raising a daughter with body image problems. She will never compliment her on how she looks, and only for the things she does. Anyways, that's off topic but I couldn't help rambling on. I saw her today and I just love her to death!!

Wonderful, Veggiedaze. So happy for you. I'm really glad things are working out.

As for your greatest fear, yes, I have a daughter and that is my greatest fear as well. She is 12 so I'm really conscious of what I say to her and I have told my parents and my in-laws as well to NOT talk to her about size all. I pray that she will never develop an eating disorder.

Honestly, you should do what YOU feel is right for YOU. Don't worry about what others are saying because we are all individuals and our journeys are individual journeys. Millions/billions of matter/particles make up a body and none of us here will ever know the composite picture of another person.

Again, I want to emphasize that each of us has our own way of doing things. The only thing that is different is how easy or how hard our way is and how high the risk of failure is. However, for some people, they need to be disciplined and they need to have rules for eating and exercise. To them, if they do not have rules, the risk of failure is high. For others, too many rules and restrictions mean failure. It doesn't matter which type we are, really, as long as it works for us.

What I am sad about is for those that have that uphill battle and must face that uphill battle everyday. Those are the ones that need to find a better way to lose or maintain the weight they have lost.

I definitely agree, it's not easy for anyone and we all have to choose which way we go about it. For me dealing with an eating disorder is a journey. The start of my journey caused me to binge daily up to 3x! I don't do that anymore, couldn't do that even if I wanted to!! I'm at a stage now that I am ready to guide myself to good choices and really taking a good look at how food makes my body feel rather than how it makes my emotions feel.

I guess that's a form of intuitive eating. While I may want the fried chicken sandwich I usually opt for the salad with grilled chicken just because I know that I feel so better physically when I choose that. There are days I choose the fried food, and I no longer hate myself for it. But that's only because now I trust myself to make better choices most of the time.

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"No matter how developed you are in any other area of your life, no matter what you say you believe, no matter how sophisticated or enlightened you think you are, how you eat tells all." - Geneen Roth

I definitely agree, it's not easy for anyone and we all have to choose which way we go about it. For me dealing with an eating disorder is a journey. The start of my journey caused me to binge daily up to 3x! I don't do that anymore, couldn't do that even if I wanted to!! I'm at a stage now that I am ready to guide myself to good choices and really taking a good look at how food makes my body feel rather than how it makes my emotions feel.

I guess that's a form of intuitive eating. While I may want the fried chicken sandwich I usually opt for the salad with grilled chicken just because I know that I feel so better physically when I choose that. There are days I choose the fried food, and I no longer hate myself for it. But that's only because now I trust myself to make better choices most of the time.

I just downloaded the josielenore book yesteredy. I'm not too far in but it is so great so far. I might actually have to check out bethany frankels book. I find her quite abrasive but that doesn't mean she doesn't know a thing or two about eating. It sparks my curiosity only because from what you say she does not advocate calorie counting/eliminating anything.

I might actually have to check out bethany frankels book. I find her quite abrasive but that doesn't mean she doesn't know a thing or two about eating. It sparks my curiosity only because from what you say she does not advocate calorie counting/eliminating anything.

No, but if her idea of a portion is 3 bites, then she and I are living on different planets.

Another good insight, VD. I believe that people DO make it harder than necessary for that very reason. It's like they want to believe they're doing something very difficult that requires special knowledge and techniques, like magicians mixing potions: must balance this macro with that one, eliminate foods X Y and Z, eat within a certain window, etc. None of that is necessary for either weight loss or good health, but magic potions are a lot more interesting than the prosaic "eat less, move more."

No, but if her idea of a portion is 3 bites, then she and I are living on different planets.

F.

ha ha yeah, I can't imagine systematically eating 3 bites of anything. But maybe there are some good thoughts. Who knows. I just likke reading material although as we already mentioned, some things can be detrimental. I guess I will see.

I am finally starting to see my appetite normalize a little bit. I think i have actually eaten at around maintenance for a few days, which is a huge "yay" considering i was eating waaay over maintenance for the first week or two after giving up dieting.

It all seems so clear now. I really do think if i eat whenever i'm hungry, and just stop the OVEReating, i will lose weight. In the past, that seemed like such a hard thing to stick with, but the older i get, the more i realize that food does NOT solve my problems. I think it's a process of emotionally maturing. I used to get depressed about stuff and turn to food. Now, i am able to tell myself, "you know what, life is just not fair, there will be **** that makes you sad, and that's just the way it is, but you WILL survive." Once i am able to accept that, food doesn't really help things anymore. It then becomes not a matter of control at all--it's not like "oh i so wish i could eat this chocolate, but i'm not going to because i don't want to give in to emotional eating"--rather, it's like "i feel sad. would chocolate help? no...not at all. going on a walk might help...but it might not...but chocolate definitely won't." Once you have that paradigm shift, then losing weight is not about controlling yourself (i.e. restricting) at all. I have finally realized this!

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Trying Intuitive Eating! Want to be happier and have a healthy relationship with food