‘Just Another Fucked Up Lesbian’

Written by my friend Anisoj who is currently contemplating her status as a newly single woman and time spent going around town on the rebound

“You’re just another fucked up lesbian,” she said jokingly. On one hand, as someone who only came out last year, I was happy to be seen as part of the club.

On the other hand, I was alarmed. Was I becoming that person that acts in really destructive ways and then blamed it on a previous relationship? ‘Oh I’m just so fucked up right now’, ‘My ex was a real bitch’ ‘I’m not in control of what I’m doing’ etc etc.

I’ve had it done to me. I didn’t like it. I’ve thought ‘what kind of asshole can’t take responsibility for their actions?’ but also ‘how evil was their last ex to cause this lovely person to be so damaged?’

Some context, I’d recently had a nasty break up after a year and a half together. Three months of being unhappy, where the girlfriend was acting distant and shitty. I thought it was either for no reason or my fault, but I found out she had a new playmate and couldn’t decide which one of us was her favourite. Unsurprisingly, we’re no longer on good terms. I’m pretty sure she blames either me or her cheating exes for her behaviour.

Newly single, I’m out with friends a lot more (including the lovely dykeroad author) and have met some wonderful girls. And there’s been times where I’m apologising for being emotionally unavailable, using the ‘fucked up breakup’ defence.

So, I’ve decided not to be that person. Because it’s cyclical. We’ve all got a rubbish ex who we can blame for us acting like dicks to someone else. But we shouldn’t. Take a step back, don’t inflict your hurt on the next woman you meet. In the words of Jerry Springer, we have a responsibility to take care of the women we fuck. And ourselves.

I will be celibate and reflect on the relationship and my own behaviours until I feel capable of honouring the future women in my bed. Whoever the woman is, she deserves my respect and full attention. Regardless of the headache I got from the last one.

Gotta say that’s some fucked up shit so can’t blame you for being that mad. That being said I think its good that you’re taking some time to yourself in line with Jerry Springer’s teachings. Here’s a quote for you: “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson. I really enjoyed reading this post so let us know how things turn out. I hope she doesn’t read this and decide to turn up with the right kind of peanut butter

honestly, you should be celebrating and not feeling pathetic, angry or hurt. You are free, you learned your lesson, you learned a thing or two about yourself and what you want in your life.

Now you know, that you should be more careful about partners you choose. Honesty, respect, good values, good personality, a great friend – that is what you want.

You should not get into any relationships just because you met somebody you like as they always end with a heart break. However, you should get into a relationship with a person that you know – you know their values, you know that they have a good heart, you know how they treat people around them, you know their dreams, their hopes, and you know that they are right for you.
It is not worth wasting your life on people who can’t make you a better person. Be patient, be open and forget about your ex. There was nothing good about your relationship that would make you miss it. Remember, it was in the past. Now you have a chance to meet that special person. The person who will respect you the way you deserve to be respected.

You are not a victim. Yes, you got hurt. Yes, she was not a good person. Move on…Why would you waste your precious time thinking about a person like that?

Dace and Anita B, I find opposition to same sex marriage to be absurd. Why is it opposed by people who it has absolutely no affect on? I am not gay myself, however, I find it offensive that the gay community is subjected to any form of discrimination.