Monday, November 12, 2012

AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO WRITE A PUNCHLINE. I Own The World found out that in some Philadelphia precincts with a nearly all-black electorate, no one voted for Mitt Romney. Havoc! he cries, and lets slip the dogs of derr: "Obama is not a legally elected president," and --

Is no one going to do anything?

Where are our elected officials? Must we storm Capitol Hill and wake up our representatives? Are they going to force us to turn to mob rule? I’m ready.

He invents a stupid "Obama Resistance" logo and polls the delegation: "Anyone else have any ideas?" Some comedian in the comments steps up:

Um… I guess I could dress up as a giant vagina?

Raise a toast to this patriot tonight. He's got the right attitude.

UPDATE. Small edit for better set-up; thanks JennOfArk for the close reading.

103 comments:

Love the comment, but don't get the joke (hangs head in shame). I guess I'll have to mosey over there to see if context will help it sink in. And this after a day of doing battle with the herp-a-derps at Gay Patriot (who oddly enough, are more on about how Obama's 3% tax increase on millionaires and billionaires will destroy the republic, rather than the evil scourge of gay marriage, their usual bogeyman).

Excerpt from my favorite comment: Where is the American exceptionalism? Where is the American fighting spirit? Where is the American bravado I hear so much talk about?I have watched, commented (you regulars know) and read for the last four years on everything that was and still is happening, and at the end of the day I see not a damn thing being done about it. NOT A DAMN THING!

...no matte[r] what we do we’re going to be called racist. No matter what we do we’re not going to get the black vote. No matter what we do we’re not going to get the hispanic vote. No matter what we do we’re not going to get the youth vote. And the biggie, we’re not going to get the dead vote.It is time to take this country back or split in to two countries.Of course within one year the blue country would be out of food, and scrounging for their next meals out of garbage cans, but that won’t be our problem then.

We need a national leader to step forward and get the movement started – investigate the election or lets go our seperate ways.

within one year the blue country would be out of foodCalifornia is a net exporter of foodstuffs; I think Oregon and Washington are, too. I'm pretty sure Vermont and Minnesota are, too. We'll miss cheap corn, but we'll try to bear up.

Why do they think the blue country will be out of food? Because some farmers are in red states? Ignoring the fact that California has the largest agricultural sector of any state, are they imagining those farmers will stop selling to food manufacturers that sell in blue states? How are they going to make money with those sales, especially given that the blue state taxpayers won't be paying for the farm subsidies anymore? But really, the hole idea is silly. No state is a "red" state. Heck, in Texas, Obama got more votes than Romney in Austin, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, El Paso, etc. Do they think those people want to secede too?! The whole idea is stupid. Apparently butthurt makes wingnuts even dumber than usual.

"What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Ni**ers stole all the votes in Philadelphia? HELL no! What the fuck happened to the America I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this! Nate Silver? He's a dead man! Al Sharpton? DEAD! Rachel Maddow? DEAD! Who's with me? Lets goooooo...! Umm... anyone else have any ideas?"

"Yes, indeed, it's downright racist to not vote for rich, white Republicans that think black people are all moochers and looters.

"Why, in better times (when the pickaninnies were all 3/5ths of a vote), we didn't have this kind of trouble. No, sirree, bob. We are going to take our country back, one lunch counter and drinking fountain at a time.

"By Jesus and Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, we will be great again! God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all..."

Interesting observation that may, or may not, be revealing, but it seems when self-identified progressives or liberals make "I'm fed up with this shit" noises it's all about "I am going to move to X." When self-identified wingnuts make empty-promises of leaving, it's always a group thing, "We ALL need to take our shit and go away. Who's with me? C'mon, guys, I need the tribe to go with me and validate my paranoia, anger and fear of expulsion (while maintaining my pathetic illusions of individualism)."

I'd been wondering when they'd start to figure out that there must have been massive vote fraud. I mean, how could Obama have won when all the legitimate polls showed an easy win for Romney? In retrospect, it should be obvious to the more patriotic and wise among us that the real purpose of all the fake liberal polls was to provide cover for the coup d'etat the traitors and their allies in every nook and cranny of this great despoiled land of ours had been so meticulously planning for so long. It's amazing that we've been able to bamboozle them for this long.

On a less serious note, it's strange no one, no one that I've read anyway, has commented on the historical through-the-looking-glass nature of the whole "makers and takers" argument. It's not a new argument, it's just been flipped on its head. Not so long ago, the makers were identified as people who made things. They were known as "workers." The takers were those who profited from those who worked. They were known as "capitalists." So even in today's modern service economy when there aren't so many people actually making physical things, it's surprising anyone would look at, say, union members, teachers or community organizers like Obama on one side and, say, hedge fund managers, derivative traders or vulture capitalists like Romney on the other and come away with the conclusion that those on Obama's side are the takers and those on Romney's the makers. Of course one of the great prototypes of modern conservatism scornfully taught that "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less," so it's really not so surprising.

I'm pretty sure that if you asked Sheldon Adelson for his thoughts, he'd be happy to tell you that he could train a marmoset to deal blackjack, but it takes a real genius to set up a casino, to wine, dine, and flatter his investors, to figure out which local officials in Macao can be bribed, to weight the roulette wheel juuust enough to pay off well for the house without attracting undue suspicion from the marks, to rewrite zoning laws to skirt the building codes in Vegas and to deal with those mooching unions. Jeez... it's a wonder our man Sheldon gets any sleep at all, and a billion dollars a year doesn't BEGIN to cover the value of all he does for us.

Version 1: Makers are making profits! Where do these profits come from? Please, pay no attention to that white man behind the curtain behind the bulletproof window in that mega-mansion.

Version 2: Marx said the workers are the makers and the bourgeoisie are takers. Marxism = Socialism. Socialism = Nazism. By transitive bullshittery that means Marxism = Nazism. We all know Nazis are evil and therefore Marx was wrong.

Version 3: Unions are taking the future. Their pensions will ruin it for everyone. Makers are making money right now which increases the GDP and therefore America is strong because the makers!

I am actually one of those people who considered moving to Canada under Bush. I wasn't so much worried about what would happen to liberals like me as I was concerned not to raise my children in a polity that was going to commit massive war crimes for the rest of their lives. I'm ashamed of the impulse, really, but I lost faith in the ideal of democracy after 2000 and 2004--once was an accident (?) and the second time seemed like a wake up call. I'm glad I hung in there and worked with other people to get a better government.

>>>Why do they think the blue country will be out of food? Because some farmers are in red states?

Because THE MARKET that's why! Freed and unfettered from evil federal crop subsidies ($20 billion a year) they will finally make a profit by becoming net exporters, and they can gouge whomever they please! Or something! Grown in the Republic of Ozarkistan! Look for the non-union label!

"It's not a new argument, it's just been flipped on its head." Not exactly-- or at least, the flipped version has been around a long time too. Businessmen have been portraying themselves as the source of all good and complaining about the mooching masses for more than 150 years; Dickens was all over that.

Y'know I looked at house prices in Canada after the '04 election. I mentioned it to a friend and she said she & her Mom had done the same. We're still here, though. I'm sure glad I didn't move to Portugal or Ireland.

"Of course within one year the blue country would be out of food, and scrounging for their next meals out of garbage cans, but that won’t be our problem then."

It's only been a week since the election and I can't stop smiling. Maybe it's the satisfaction in knowing our country isn't as dumb as some would suggest. Maybe it's the wingnuts and their hilarious toddler tantrums. Maybe it's seeing Karl Rove humiliated and scorned. If this keeps up, I'll have to consult a doctor because my face is starting to hurt.

Okay, just when I thought it couldn't get better, I went ahead and read the comments on this post over at IOTW. They are certain we stole the election because not one blah voted for their guy in some districts but they are not sure what to do about it. Some suggest they search for Galt's Gulch. Others suggest they find two comedians and have a million patriot rally. Still others suggest they invest their energy in doing something that will really have an impact with their voting block, saving the Hostess Twinkie. I am not making this up.

Actually, the Philadelphia Inquirer did a little digging in some of the districts that recorded no votes for Romney. Here's what they found.

"Although voter registration lists, which often contain outdated information, show 12 Republicans live in the ward’s third division, The Inquirer was unable to find any of them by calling or visiting their homes.Four of the registered Republicans no longer lived there; four others didn’t answer their doors. City Board of Elections registration data say a registered Republican used to live at 25th and York Streets, but none of the neighbors across the street Friday knew him. Cathy Santos, 56, founder of the National Alliance of Women Veterans, had one theory: “We ran him out of town!” she said and laughed.

Eighteen Republicans reportedly live in the nearby 15th Division, according to city registration records. The 15th has the distinction of pitching two straight Republican shutouts – zero votes for McCain in 2008, zero for Romney on Tuesday. Oh, and 13 other city divisions did the same thing in 2008 and 2012.

Three of the 15th’s registered Republicans were listed as living in the same apartment, but the tenant there said he had never heard of them. The addresses of several others could not be found.

Even the Republicans that do exist are, um, actually Democrats.

James Norris, 19, who lives down the street, is listed as a Republican in city data. But he said he’s a Democrat and voted for Obama because he thinks the president will help the middle class.

A few blocks away, Eric Sapp, a 42-year-old chef, looked skeptical when told that city data had him listed as a registered Republican. “I got to check on that,” said Sapp, who voted for Obama.

On West Albert Street, Duke Dunston says he knows he’s a registered Republican, but he’s never voted for one."

...Of course within one year the blue country would be out of food, and scrounging for their next meals out of garbage cans... Just like the people in SPAIN and GREECE with their horrible "austerity" programs! Oh, wait. Never mind!

Liberals are the biggest bigots. The racist liberals in Port St Lucie hate Allen West. Port St. Lucie is but one of some 3100 counties in the United States. Their ballot records show that 141% of the registered voters cast ballots on Tuesday. West declares that if this one county can do this, what’s to say other counties in battleground states didn’t stuff ballot boxes to lift Barack Obama to victory?

Really? 141% - That means 41% of the liberals voted to keep the black man down....

No. You're confused. In St Lucie Co, as in other Florida counties, there was a two-card ballot. The image captured in the story shows the number of cards cast, not the number of ballots case. The latter is half the former.

The captured image is from page two of the "Statement of Votes Case" dated 7 Nov 2012, 1:39AM. (Go to www.slcelections.com.) On page 3 of the same document, the total number of votes is given. It's 123,591, which is 70.4% of registered voters. I repeat, the same document the writer cites explicitly states that the total number of votes cast was 123,591, NOT 247,713.

Continuing on the same document, we see that Romney got 56,125 votes (45.5%) and Obama got 66,246 (53.6%). Minor party and write-in candidates got 1,220 votes.

The alacrity with which the writer, and most commenters, latched onto this bogus story should give you all pause. ~

Florida Secretary of State Ken Detzner is sending three representatives to St. Lucie County Wednesday to try to figure out how 799 votes disappeared in Sunday’s partial recount of the tight, nationally watched congressional race between Republican U.S. Rep. Allen West and Democrat Patrick Murphy.

That poor dear. being an appointee of Rick Scott, can't possibly hope to deal with all the Democrat voter fraud. That poor, defenseless Office of the Florida Secretary of State, I don't know how they face the day, you barely-sentient motherfucker.

People, Porkboy has already shown us that because of mathematics the vote was skewed and even if it wasn't ,as some votecount people are saying, then it might have been if the thing Porkboy was saying was true. Just because it wasn't true it's no need to discount the thing that didn't happen and anyway BLACK PANTHERS!!!

If you really thought that one or more of your African American voters was suppressed in Philly why wouldn't you go out of your way to rescue them? Do they imagine that there was one black Romney supporter whose vote was destroyed? Two? Fifty? 300? If you think the number is dispositive don' tyou have a kind of duty--or wouldn't you have to white romney supporters--to try to find those voters and at least hear their tales of horror and woe?

The simultaneous conviction that no AA's are good enough to be considered real voters, and also that there is some kind of pent up longing among (people who sit on buses and talk to Megan McCardle) for AA's to turn the reins back over to white people who will fix things for them, is kind of jaw dropping.

Also: in Erick Erickson's recent post at Red State admonishing his readers to eschew seccession when you read the comments they pretty quickly devolve into wistful demands that we return to a property owner's franchise and stop letting transients and apartment dweller's vote at all as a realistic solution to the problem of the wrong people voting.

My guess is that the implication is that everyone in Blue states is a layabout moocher just collecting food stamps, which flow - like all that is right and good and valuable - from the hardworking honorfolk of the Red states. SNAP benefits are distilled directly from the sweat of their weary brows. Luckily, they pasteurize first.