If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Many of us allow others to treat us in ways that are
uncomfortable, unhealthy or disrespectful. We remain silent rather than address
our disdain for fear of retribution: what will happen if I speak up? Will I
lose my job? Will my best friend get angry with me? Will my family choose to no
longer speak to me? Will someone argue with me and tell me I'm wrong for
feeling the way I do? There are risks involved whenever we voice our feelings
and expect change. Not everyone is eager to accommodate our new requests. Some
will argue, coerce or try to manipulate us back into our old patterns. But if
we are unhappy and remain silent, we run the risk of becoming angry, bitter,
resentful, and possibly explosive. The relationship will suffer and possibly disintegrate
unless someone takes action.

All healthy relationships contain guidelines and rules.
Boundaries are designed to enable each party to be treated in a way that is
comfortable and acceptable to them. We all seek to be treated with dignity and
respect. However, those words may have distinctly different meanings to
different people. How can one fully know how to treat someone unless that
individual tells them? My husband smokes. I do not. I needed to tell him that I
did not want him to smoke near me. How could he have known how offensive the
smell is to me or my concerns for my health had I not voiced my feelings? He
chose to honor my request and in seventeen years it has never been an issue
between us.

We each have certain rights and responsibilities when
setting and enforcing boundaries.

1. Each party has a right to be treated in a manner suitable
for them, however different from that of others.

2. One must be crystal clear as to how they expect to be
treated.

3. Make certain what you are seeking is fair and reasonable.
If not, reconsider your position.

4. As soon as possible, clearly express your boundaries to
the other party. Let them know exactly how you want to be treated, and the
actions you will take should they choose not to accommodate your request.

5. Be prepared to enforce the consequences and follow
through in a timely manner. Expect results. It may take a few reminders but persistence
pays off.

6. Respect the boundaries of all parties involved however dissimilar
from yours.

The benefits to setting and enforcing healthy guidelines in
relationships is that both parties are treated with the dignity and respect
that suits them. Unhealthy interactions are limited or removed, stress and
anger are mitigated, and there is greater opportunity to simply enjoy one
another's company. Boundaries make for
healthier relationships in all areas of life.

For more on boundaries, read The Secret Side of Anger
available @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

America, despite all of her current woes, still remains the
greatest country in the world. One of our ultimate freedoms is the right to
openly express ourselves without fear of retribution. Journalists, reporters
and news broadcasters are all guaranteed protection under the Constitution.

Free speech isn't as free as some believe. With it comes an
expectation of great responsibility and respect for the rights of others and a
strong moral code of behavior. Within our own families we often blurt out
whatever we want without regard to how the other party may feel upon hearing
it. We can be rude, hurtful, mean-spirited, and hateful. "It's a free
country. I can say whatever I want and if they can't deal with it, oh well! Too
bad! That's not my problem." This arrogant attitude reeks of selfishness
and disrespect. The cost of "free speech" can be wounded self-esteem,
fractured relationships, alienation, damaged reputations, and in cases such as
the Journal, putting others in harm's way.

While I fully support the First Amendment and encourage open
and honest expression of one's feelings, I also believe we have a
responsibility to take great care in the way we exercise our right. My rights
do not supersede the rights of others. So before speaking, consider the
following questions:

Is what I'm about to say
or do kind?

Does it emanate from a
place of love for all parties?

Is it based on truth
rather than speculation, lies, jealousies ormy own insecurities?

Does it care for the
well-being of all those concerned?

Does it take into
consideration the feelings and needs of the other?

Is it absolutely the best
choice I can make at this time?

Will it achieve
long-lasting and far-reaching benefits for all those concerned?*

In all areas of life we have options as
to how we handle ourselves. Let us vow to always make choices that are life-affirming
and beneficial to all of humanity.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

We all have them: the obnoxious siblings, the drama queen
mother, the trouble-maker cousin, the gossip monger, know-it-alls, rude,
selfish, and even mean-spirited family members. We try to avoid them yet fate
often intervenes and brings us face-to-face with our nemesis. We dread family gatherings and holidays are
preceded by weeks of anxiety and fabricated excuses for absenteeism. "I
like my friends much better. You can choose them and if they get on your nerves
you just cancel your subscription. I don't have to put up with their nonsense.
But you're stuck with relatives forever!"

While severing familiar relationships is an option for some
and a necessity for others, it is a drastic step not everyone needs to take.
There are other alternatives which allow us to maintain a somewhat workable
rapport even with those we are not particularly fond of.

Consider the following suggestions:

1. Remember they are family and you share dna, other
relatives, and a history. Each component has value.

3. Examine why you allow this person to bother you. What
issues are they triggering within you? Examine and heal those first.

4. Keep in mind they are probably loved by someone you love.
Treat them kindly out of respect for the other party.

5. Find something about them you admire, like or respect.
(Everyone has something.) Remind
yourself before, during, and after your encounter with them. Your thoughts
generate how you feel and ultimately how you treat them.

6. Remind yourself that everyone has personal issues that
are reflected in their behavior. Be understanding and compassionate of them.

9. Always try to bring out the best in all whom you
encounter, especially those who present your greatest challenges. Be the
example of kindness for them to follow.

10. Limit the amount of time spent together. Less can prevent
a buildup of tension and hostility.

And here's a bonus suggestion from my favorite doctor,
Bernie Siegel: "Keep saying 'I love you' for three months. Then stop. They
will call you." ("Repeated acts of kindness will eventually affect
and reshape a relationship."*)

While many would prefer to simply avoid those family members
they don't care for, it is oftentimes not possible. But more importantly, you
will miss an opportunity of being a vehicle for personal growth healing. One
person, one time, can open another's eyes, mind or heart which allows them to begin
the journey to wholeness.

About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.