Category: Aging process

It seems like every year something happens…something unexpected, unalluring and unwanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very aware of the alternative to getting older and I am grateful for the opportunity to be alive, but, can I just say…..WOW! This getting older is not for the faint-hearted (literally) and here are 5 reasons why.

#5. Huh? What did you say? Say again? These ears that once could hear a baby sigh in another room or hear a bag of chips open in the other end of the house, now evidently cannot hear my husband and vise versa. We carry on a conversation and 89% of it involves saying, “What did you say?”

How can this be? Soon our children and grandchildren will be raising their voices and mouthing their words while standing right in front of us. H i M o t h e r, h o w a r e y o u?

#4. The “eyes” have it! Cataracts, floaters, flashes, glasses and the always popular, “I’m not comfortable driving at night anymore.” These brown eyes once could spot a misbehaving student while my back was to the class. I could ask, “Are your hands clean?” and know the answer instantly from 30 feet. I even remember so long ago, when I could actually read without adjusting the length of my arm or the lighting. Sigh…..

#3. Snap! Crackle! Pop! Creak!….you guessed it, the knees. Oh, I know, some of you still have good knees, even cute knees, but for the rest of us, it’s just not pretty. You know it’s REAL when you train your 3 year old grandchild to help you up off the floor. Goodbye mini skirts….farewell long jogs on the beach! Hello Aspercreme, knees braces and Motrin.

#2. I hate to even get started on teeth, but I must. Perhaps you are one of the few who still have all of your own pearly whites. Maybe you are the lucky one who doesn’t know what a crown is or a root canal. But, for some, our dental bills look like a monthly mortgage payment. For many, the reason our teeth look so good is because we paid for them! The good news is, no one really has to know if they’re the originals or not, as long you keep smiling and don’t tell! (Be careful with the popcorn!)

#1. Last but not least is food. I remember when Nacho Doritos were not synonymous with heartburn….when Mexican food or Italian dishes could be eaten any time of day with favorable results. Now, it seems that almost anything we eat demands a Tums, Gas-X, Pepto Bismol or Prilosec. It seems that some of the things we used to eat and enjoy, now, are not our friends and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s something we think about and plan for. Goodbye, eating late at night! Farewell, spicy foods! Hello, low-carb, high-fiber and probiotics!

Yes, it does seem that every year something happens; there is something that changes, disappears or pops up. I truly believe getting older is not for sissies. In fact, as we get older we get smarter, wiser and enjoy life more fully; it just takes a little planning. Motrin? Glasses? Gas-X? Dental floss?

Auntie Sue was the heart and soul of our family. She understood the importance of being together to love and laugh. She inspired us all to be better people and at the same time, not take ourselves too seriously.

She could be tough as nails when she had to be. At 4’11” and 100 pounds soaking wet, she was a force to be reckoned with and a heart full of compassion all at the same time.

She faced aging with grace and humor. She lived modestly yet gave generously. She had a kind word for everyone and lived each day with integrity and faith.

I hope you know how much I miss you, Auntie Sue. I’m pretty sure you’ve got things all organized in Heaven with weekly Skip Bo tournaments and shopping trips. I like to think you’re sittin ugly with me every morning, enjoying your quiet time and encouraging us all to seize the day!

As Dad shuffled out of his 122-year-old home, he went back to his bedroom to take down the large wooden-framed portrait of his daughter, Kelly Ann. Kelly died on September 25, 2004, and he sobbed while he unsteadily carried the picture towards the front door. I met him there and took the picture, wrapped it in a Christmas angel blanket and stacked it atop the miscellaneous mess crammed into Dad’s Pontiac Vibe. After he painfully plopped himself in the passenger seat he remembered Momma. “I forgot Gerry,” he said as he started to struggle to get up out of the car. I stopped him with, “I got it. I got it. The big photo on the hall table, right?” He nodded sadly as I hurried back into the lonely house to retrieve the black and white photo we had blown-up to display at Momma’s memorial in 2014. These were Dad’s farewell actions before I pulled shut the heavy front door of Grandma’s house. (Even though my parents had lived there since 1972, 420 S. 2nd St. would always be “Grandma’s house.”)
In Annie Hall Woody Allen says, “A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving or it dies.” Does the simile work for life in general? We keep moving on or we die, either literally or figuratively. And a big part of moving on is learning to let go: of places, of things, of people. The week before Christmas my sister Gayle, our close friend Mark, and I started cleaning up and clearing our Grandma’s house. We organized items in piles: Trash; Goodwill; KEEP; Leave for the house. (My cousin Chiquita had bought the house and she let us leave all the stuff we did not want to take! Merci beaucoup, Chickie!) Gayle kept quoting the book about decluttering: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up , “Does it give you joy? No? So throw it.” Mark would sometimes argue over the value of an item. “This old kitchen clock is wonderful! It would remind your dad of his home. Take it.”
Since we had limited space in Dad’s car, I had to make tough decisions. I wanted Momma’s china and Mama Joe’s pie safe. Period. But then a portable hair dryer from the 1960’s and a stack of old 45’s would remind me of the freedom and freshness of being 12 years old. I caught myself putting a tube of lipstick from my momma’s winter coat in my own pocket and setting aside the dented aluminum bun warmer Momma used a lot. I opened stiff books and touched the handwritten dedication from a dead relative to a dead friend.
Later my brother Emile arrived and he made piles of old things for his three children and five grandchildren. Then someone thought of gift-wrapping unique or sentimental items to put under the Christmas tree: a tarnished tennis trophy, a pair of iron wolf book ends, a biography of Carl Sandburg. The gift tags read “from Grandma’s house” or “from Eunice” or “from Mr. Snowball.”
From December 17 to the last day of 2016, we were slowly saying good-bye to Grandma’s house, to Momma and Kelly’s memories, and to our own childhoods. We let go of stacks and even rooms of furniture, clothes, knick-knacks, and even some treasures. However, each of us took the items we needed to hold on tightly to ( two audio cassettes of an interview with Grandma, a Latour coffee cup Uncle P.J. gave Momma, Kelly’s copy of Walden.)
I let go of almost 60 years of objects from that home even as I squirreled away an LP here or a cast iron skillet there. I know that the things I took are just things, but they hold powerful memories of parties and suppers and stories and games and bad times and good times. Dad and I did not finally drive off in the Vibe until I ran back in for my final treasure from Grandma’s house: the extra-large Bulova kitchen clock from the 1940’s. Time to let go and move on down the road.

“The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets…” Christopher Morley

I’ve always loved to ride my bike. I’m a professional amateur. I have all the bells and whistles, yet I just cruise the neighborhood.

My husband bought me my first adult bike fifteen years ago. I love that old, green bike! We’ve taken it to the beach and almost everyone in our family has ridden it at least once. However, time, stress and a few mishaps have taken its toll, not to mention that it needs new brakes.

Last year I purchased a fancy, light-weight, thin-tired, sleek-seated, lightening-fast, silver bike. Then, my husband said I must have the padded biker shorts and loud printed shirt to go with. Next, gloves were added because these arthritic hands need the extra padding!

Truthfully, the padded shorts and gloves feel great, but when I get all decked out, I feel a little foolish, especially riding the one mile to our mailboxes. Oh sure, we’ve taken longer rides and occasionally I ride to the HEB for a few lightweight items (sans the outfit), but still I am an amateur in professional clothing.

I do feel conspicuous in my gear, but what I really feel is exhilarated! As I pedal through the neighborhood, I may look like a senior citizen in biker gear, pumping the brakes and weaving a bit; but inside, I’m riding like the wind! I’m blazing new trails and I’m a good twenty-five years younger!As you pass me by on the streets, don’t honk, just give me the “nod”. That’s what we bikers do…we’re cool like that.

Life is like riding a bicycle..in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving. Albert Einstein

It will happen to all of us, this aging process. If we are ‘lucky’ enough, we will grow old and eventually need more care, possibly more care than our families can provide. This is a part of life.

Perhaps, we are the ones making choices for our loved ones. We are making decisions on where to live and how to be cared for. “This is your new home,” we say.

I see it in their eyes and feel it in the atmosphere; “This is not my home.” they think. Oh, some people adjust, like Auntie Sue. She was positive, grateful and kind no matter her circumstance; no matter where she was. But it is hard for others. It’s not familiar or comfortable…it doesn’t sound like home or smell like home. “My heart is not here,” they think. “I want to go home.”

I don’t have a response or even an alternative suggestion; I wish I did. For it is not always possible to give our loved ones the answers they want. So, we dig deep into our souls and bring out our bowels of compassion, love and care. We remember the dignity of others. We respect privacy and requests for certain things….familiar things. We do the best we can.

Yes, it will happen to all of us, this aging process; if we are ‘lucky’.