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Posts tagged ‘Church service’

“WE criticise what the other person loves about themselves without even realising it”

BINGO!! Hallelujah. At this point i was still praising as if i were in an actual church service. Gungor went on:

Relationships are not about ego appeasement or resolution, but validation. My God, why is this obvious point such a revelation to me (and I’m sure many others)? How can something so simple be so astounding? How do we lose our way and forget that validation and respect are such needs to us, yet we deny our partners this ?

Gungor spoke specifically about men at one point and how women (because it was in church, but I substitute that with “partner”) should honour their men. Remember I said I attended the second day only, so the women had their turn the day before.

Again, light bulbs went off above my head. He said that you should validate people BEFORE they are supposed to earn it. If you love someone, why should they have to earn your validation? Why not give it and let the two of you be on equal playing fields? In this way, you empower your spouse.

“By criticising your partner, you are teaching them that they can’t share their dreams… They will find validation elsewhere… You need to let your partner know that you are their number one fan!”

I couldn’t have improved on this. This floored me. My jaw was on the floor. My bff always says that we teach people how to treat us. So I don’t know why this one had such an impact on me. I do believe that the onus always falls on the individual. This is not to say that you are responsible for others, but you are responsible for what you ALLOW to happen in your life. And if you do not treat someone right, another is usually waiting in the wings to step in and do your job.

He said, rightly so, that affairs start as emoional detachment from your partner and trying to fill a void elsewhere. This eventually becomes sexual.

I have not felt this before, but it made perfect sense. If you were to treat a child or pet this way, they would grow to e unhealthy and destructive. They would retreat from themselves and their demeanour would change. Unfortunately (and in rare cases, fortunately) adults have the wherewithall to react to this ill-treatment and instead of addressing it, they stray.

Respect is the name of the game. Don’t let a situation get to the point where you even need to say sorry. But it might have to.

Until later, i hope you are all gaining the insight I did when i attended the seminar.