Monday

Mother Needs Help Guiding Abused Child

I have recently gotten custody of my 2 young children. I am there mom and my concern is mostly my daughter. Her father was emotionally and verbally abusive and now her whole personality has changed. She refuses to eat she keeps putting herself down and is very angry all of the time. She is 7 and her brother is 8 but she is struggling more than him. Her school work is suffering as well and I am at a loss as to how to help her.

11 comments:

BlahMom
said...

My very first thought was "Why is this on a nanny website? It has absolutely nothing to do with nannying." Having said that ...

OP, you should get that child in therapy, stat. You don't say how you knew the children, or if you did, but being taken away from an abusive parent is a very traumatic thing with a lot of conflicting emotions for a child. A child psychologist could do wonders with helping both children, and helping you with things you can say/do that will help them.

Yeah, I am not sure what we're supposed to be able to say here other than get everyone into therapy ASAP. If you can't afford a traditional therapist, google sliding scale therapy, or just start calling social workers/psychologists via the whitepages. Ask them what they would charge based on your income.

I aggree with the other posters...Everyone needs to be talking to someone and my advice is that the three of you each see someone seperately rather than as a group.

I have a masters in psychoanalysis so i consider myself qualified to give sound advice but more importantly i come from a background of child abuse and i think that the sooner you get some help the better.

I am also sorry this has happened. I agree, don't try to handle all of this yourself. It is tough, but I think you should all get in therapy. They will have issues with their abuse experience and with you as well as many abused kids will test even the most caring adults, because it's a pattern they will expect to continue. Good luck. Hope things get better soon.

Get both of them some help, either a person with a Masters in Social Work (MSW), Child Psychologist, or a Child Psychiatrist. If you are not sure who would be a good fit, you can ask her Guidance Counselor at school, or even their pediatrician.

Therapy is something that most def needs to be done. Just be patient with her as recovery may take a lot of time. Also, I hope she is not having any contact with her father as this will make any therapy counter-productive.

I agree with all of the above- therapy! Also, consider some recreational activities that will help her build confidence, allow her opportunities for positive socialization, as well as provide an outlet for emotions (could be sports, arts, chess club, etc, whatever she's into)

Set clear boundaries and follow through consistently. Do not be tempted to slack off on discipline because you feel bad about what they went through. Be understanding towards the children, but realize that maintaining structure in your home will help them feel safe.

Uh... everyone already said it, but... counseling. Go as a family so the counselor can help you understand what she went through. Also try to spend as much positive time with her as possible, doing things she enjoys. Can you sign her up for a mentor or big sister? That can often help a lot, to have an extra adult who is there just for her, to boost her confidence! Also, her teacher should know about what she's going through, so that the teacher (and other staff members) are sensitive towards her.

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