While the world struggles to find sense in this post-Katy and Russell World, we also struggle to discover why, exactly, the marriage failed. So far we’ve seen “Russell cheated,” “Katy didn’t want to start a family,” “Russell didn’t get along with Katy’s parents,” as well as “they just drifted apart.”

Well, now Buzznet is pleased to jump onto this bandwagon with “10 Possible Reasons Katy Perry and Russell Brand Ended Their 14 Months of Marital Bliss (TM).” These are 100% factual, we heard all of this from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard from Katy and Russell that this is why their marriage ended.

Russell developed a latex allergy. While this didn’t affect their birth control methods, it did mean he couldn’t hug Katy in 90% of her outfits.

Turns out that “Purr for Him” was not only an awful idea, using Russell as the tester ruined the marriage.

Ideological falling out: Russell finally had to tell Katy that not all girls smell like strawberries.

Alien Mind Control: You thought that ET video was just good special effects? THINK AGAIN.

Katy tried British food.

Russell tried American beer.

Actually, they were never really married. You see, Katy’s evil twin kidnapped her two years ago and took her place.