Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

(2016)

In 1971 George Lucas wrote and directed a swell little film called THX1138. (He couldn’t leave it alone. Some years later he went back and added some special effects. He does that a lot.) Then in 1973 he wrote and directed what is probably the best movie about high school ever made: American Graffiti. Then in 1977 he revolutionized Hollywood, changed it forever by making Star Wars (now known as Episode IV: A New Hope, with some added SFX).

But what has he done lately? Mostly managed the Star Wars empire, I think. He did direct I, II, and III, and that’s it. He’s written or produced some stuff, including Radioland Murders (Didn’t see it? No one else did, either) and Howard the Duck, which was actually a turkey, even though it quacked.

So now the Star Wars franchise is expanding beyond the seven filmed and two planned movies from the original outline and into the realm of back story. This one apparently fits in between III and IV. The last scenes can fit seamlessly into the first scenes of the original. I sort of liked that.

But frankly, I’m getting tired of the whole thing. Looks like we’re going to get a Han Solo back story, too, and who knows what else? I read speculation that there might be a movie made about Bobba Fett, whoever the fuck he is. Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if we followed R2D2’s manufacturing at the droid factory to who knows where?

And they’re all really the same story, aren’t they? I mean, there are now so many things that get tiresome, things that I’ve seen way too any times. If I never see another light saber battle I’ll be a happy man. C3PO is still as whiny and annoying as he was in the first film. Chewbacca is still a stupid character. Whoever functions as the “cute” droid in this picture (and I’ve already forgotten what its number was) is just R2 warmed over. And the storm troopers. You know how they pick them? They stand each storm trooper candidate ten yards from a barn door and hand them a laser rifle. If they have not managed to hit the barn door once in ten minutes, they enlist them. I mean, has a storm trooper ever hit anything? You’d think that since they can see exactly where their laser beam is going, they might adjust their aim … oh, well, fuck it, never mind. Like I said, tiresome. I really don’t think I’ll go to see any more of these.

Oh, but I must mention what may be the most remarkable thing. George resurrected not one, but two dead actors, Carrie Fisher and Peter Cushing. There’s something really, really creepy about that.