Being able to forgive someone for something they did or said takes work and constitutes PURE BRAVERY in its truest form. It takes commitment and evolves in phases from anger to sadness, perhaps idling between the two for some time, culminating in the eventual recognition that you will be much lighter if in fact you can forgive.

As Jack's mother grew weaker, another little hospice miracle unfolded: it seemed that the weaker Jack's mother became, the sweeter she became. She stopped cursing her son and began to melt the ice she had packed around her heart.

Occasionally you realize someone you thought was a dear friend is actually a foe, their true character finally revealed. But how do you forgive the unforgivable? Here are my 10 steps to handling betrayal with elegance and grace.

Killing people in cold blood in a sacred space, trespassing on holy ground, I don't fully understand it, nor do I fully understand the faith of those still standing at Mother Emanuel's, after the horrors they've faced there.

I now recognize that before offering my forgiveness I must acknowledge and understand my own feelings and emotions therefore, giving myself the opportunity to know myself better and grow as a person every step of the way. Forgiveness is my way of freeing my soul and moving on with an open heart!

In this way those of us who bump up against the challenge of all-out forgiveness could learn to let go while leaving those proponents of pain mentally behind. And maybe then we can forget, and, therefore, forgive; not exactly a proof-back guarantee that a future generation will escape the memories of trauma, but close.

For me, truth lies in the faith of forgiveness, and when I surrender to this "faith of forgiveness," a newfound freedom enters my life. I don't believe that forgiveness is a one-time act, but rather an unfolding process.

Forgiving yourself is another way of giving yourself permission to get out of your own way. To see the truth for what it is, rather than hide behind it. If we take self-forgiveness moments, it changes our perspective, and therefore our approach to life. Our mood lifts, and we return to feeling happy and having that inner calm again.

Maybe forgiveness is a muscle we've allowed to get flabby and weak. Maybe we've been holding out for an apology from our perpetrator that may never arrive. The truth is that when we refuse to forgive others, we only imprison ourselves.

Why would I, a physician, stop to discuss the act of forgiveness? Mind-body medicine focuses on the interaction between the mind and the body and the powerful ways in which emotional, mental, social and spiritual factors can directly affect health.

Forgiving yourself means more than just learning to live with what has happened. Sometimes, it means you have to rebuild, start from scratch, pull up the old foundations and lay new ones. This can be the hardest part.