Menu

Tag Archives: Ship of Relation

Anonymous asked: I’m in a relationship, and we’re both strong Christians. We’ve never “gone too far”, in terms of wandering hands or sex. Ever since we started this relationship, however, lustful thoughts permeate my thinking a lot more. I think we respect each other when we’re with each other, but the temptation or distraction is harder to resist when I’m by myself. Do you have advice on how I can shift my thoughts away from the physical?

When I was younger, someone told me to make “The List”. The List was to comprise of things I wanted in my future husband. As an excited little Christian girl, I quickly got to work making a list. I remember putting 1) “Loves God” and 2) “Loves music”. And then I stopped, because I wasn’t quite sure what else I wanted to write.

Over the years, I added things to my list, most of which were things I found logical. (I wrote stuff like “faithful, loves children, etc”) But once something happened that made me reconsider the importance of that list. I met a man with a child. His life had been a wreck before, but he’d turned around and found Jesus. He had an amazing story, and I was so encouraged. One thing though, he still had his child from a previous relationship.

I thought to myself – could I, goody two shoes, fall in love with that man and his daughter? No, the question really was, would I allow myself to love such a man? Because I knew God loves him, and I should too right? (I didn’t actually end up falling for this guy, but stay with me)

I’ve been dating a great Christian guy for a little over a year now, but I still think back to that particular time because that was the point I started to question the importance of “The List.” God’s only condition is for the believer to be yoked with another believer. That’s it. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to know the qualities you love in a partner. But I remember being told “if a guy doesn’t match your criteria, cross him off your list.” That advice worked out well for me as a 12 year old – it kept me out of the dating scene for quite a while. But after a while, I realized that I was setting more requirements than God. That can’t be right.

May I propose asking another question?

Do you/can you love this person the most?

This is just a thought; something from personal experience. I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, but way back before my special someone and I got together, I had realized that he is the person I am most patient, loving and forgiving with, as a friend.

You know how there are some people you can’t tolerate as well as you can others? I think there are people you can tolerate and love particularly well compared to others.

Again, these are my own thoughts, I realize that I can be completely wrong. I’d love to hear what you guys think about this. 🙂

My maximum love, patience and tolerance might not be a whole lot (I still get to see so much of my flaws as we live life together) but at least I know that I’m giving my best to the person I love.

26 Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You’ve deceived me, and you’ve carried off my daughters like captives in war. 27 Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn’t you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of timbrels and harps? 28 You didn’t even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters goodbye. You have done a foolish thing. 29 I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, ‘Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ 30 Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father’s household. But why did you steal my gods?”

31 Jacob answered Laban, “I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. 32 But if you find anyone who has your gods, that person shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.” Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.

—————————————————-

I find it interesting that Jacob had no idea that Rachel had stolen her father’s household gods. Let’s go back a little to Gen 28:1-2. This is what Isaac, Jacob’s father, has to say to Jacob before he leaves:

So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him. Then he commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman. 2 Go at once to Paddan Aram,[a] to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

So when Jacob married Rachel, he married someone from his people, Abraham’s people. God’s people. To put this in modern Christian terms, this would mean people from the church.

But notice how far Rachel’s heart was from God. Was it something Jacob had not known when he married her? Gen 31:32 says Jacob did not know that Rachel, his beloved wife had stolen the gods.

Are you looking for a partner who fulfills a criteria – someone who goes to church – or looking for someone with a heart that truly seeks after God?

“I will not break up with you unless God tells me to.”

Was reminded of my own words yesterday.

I’ve always been uncomfortable with the idea of dating because of the different idea of commitment in dating compared to marriage. How can one have the motivation to work together through the toughest things and not give up if there is an option out?

“What is your magic secret, my darling, of your being everything to all of us, as if there were only one of us, yet never seeming to be hurried, or to have too much to do?”

uttered to Lucie, who weaves the invisible golden thread that holds her husband and child, father and lifelong friends together.

“I look only to sharing your fortunes, sharing your life and home, and being faithful to you to the death.Not to divide with Lucie her privilege as your child, companion and friend;but to come in aid of it, and bind her closer to you, if such a thing can be.”