In making the most obvious joke possible about Rex Ryan losing 90 lbs., Adam Schefter kept the god damn in “god damn snacks” while on-air. My stars! Such ribaldry! Either it’s the best evidence yet that Schefter is not actually a cyborg or his makers have added a swearing patch in his latest “human colloquialisms” update.

– On the outside chance you haven’t seen the profile of Justin Bieber that Drew wrote for GQ, get on it. The outtakes are also up over at Deadspin. As Kogod has noted, the greatest is yet to come when the Beebtards spew all their hate at Drew over Twitter for disparaging their swaggy lover boy.

– Got an extra $4,275 laying around? You could win the chance to have some fun out there while tossing the ball around with Brett Favre. Or if you have a set of tits, he’ll let you toss them for free.

– Further evidence that people are the worst: the home of Junior Seau was robbed five days after he committed suicide. Could be Junior Safehouse wasn’t the right wording after all.

– Because of the effects of a concussion, former Giants kicker Matt Bahr didn’t know where he was when he made the field goal to win the 1990 NFC Championship Game. Same goes for Lawrence Taylor, but that’s more on account of being coked out of his mind.

Thank god for my senior year Lit Crit professor who told me, in the midst of my anguish of choosing between grad school in English literature or genetic engineering, that enduring the realm of the printed word is a living hell.

Now I can see that she was more right than she could ever have imagined.