Tchaikovsky Sounds Funny

Is this where I put in key words such as sex, lesbians, vampires, Christopher Lloyd and others things to which this blog do not pertain, but by putting them here, I may get hits from all the Christoper Lloyd lesbian vampire fans (and you know who you are)?
This is the primarily humorous and occasionally rambling writings of Leon Tchaikovsky, humor writer. Enjoy.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Kisses Tweeter than Wine

Sad to learn that Marcia Wallace has died. Her wit expressed from her talents through his hair colors will be remembered and respected.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13h
God just sent me a direct message: "I thought you were dead."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13h
@geneweingarten @TheTweetOfGod God, send Your message to your messenger Justin Bieber and have Bieber forward it to Gene Weingarten.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23h
If you are a bad Satanist, do you go to heaven?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
What does one expect from a health care named Kaiser? That is just one step away from health care named Fuhrer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes "Bravehearts" stereotypes Scottish people.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
If the Redskins change their name to Bravehearts, at least absolutely no one will think they were named after Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
Washington Bravehearts? An insult to all people born with heart defects.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
"18 straight whiskeys. What do you mean that's not the record?" said the guy who lived to see another day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
I tweet a puppy drowns if you un-follow me, and two people un-follow me. Two cruel heartless people who hate puppies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@MonicaHesse Badass Helen Thomas. Make male journalists mingle with female journalists.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes After which, millions have wondered "what on Earth does Liz see in Jon?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@ReliableSource Not that you were wondering, yet am one of those tweeting because I have no image to protect. .Rep. Weiner looks down at me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Oct
@petridishes I still think Abe Vigoda would be perfect for "Fifty Shades of Grey".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Newly released sealed documents show Lee Harvey Oswald killed President McKinley.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
No, wait, that was only a false myth about First Lady McKinley, who only tried to drown President McKinley.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Remember, every time someone un-follows me, First Lady McKinley returns to life and drowns a puppy.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Now trending: #Pedoria who gets hits and will next sing the National Anthem.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Cincinnati is where more trends start than anywhere else. #CincinnatiTrending
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@JamesTaylor You're right, it is one of those songs.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@geneweingarten BONG (whoever fixed me made me bong three minutes late)
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@geneweingarten You know, I've ridden roller coasters.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
I did the "which state should you live in?" test. It responded by asking me to renounce my American citizenship.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
I did the "which state should you live in?" test. I was told to live in "denial".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
I am in the top two million in Kindle sales this week! Yeah, I have achieved no success,
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Who remembers the prediction that there would be death panels now? I sure appreciate that warning. I will avoid that which does not exist.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
I am upset "Hoarders" has been cancelled. I wanted to add to my stacks of episodes of "Hoarders" I have collected.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@TheTweetOfGod What does Justin Bieber have that I don't?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
Governor Christie: If it will make you feel better, you are welcome to come to my funeral.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@geneweingarten Pat Robertson can heal the deaf, but he is unable to do anything about his followers' dumbness.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
I was hoping Woody Allen would be picked to write the next "Star Wars" screenplay.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
To my actor friends: Break a leg. No, seriously. Then sue the theater owner. That's the only way to make money in theater these days,
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Oct
@monicahesse Don't forget you had an appointment over an hour ago. And one again next week. (Maybe I should remind you closer to then.)
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
Comic Con weddings come with an optional zombie attack. Well, that clinches it for me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
You may legally get married at Comic Con. The only problem is most attendees don't even have dates much less marriage prospects...
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
@ReliableSource So, you're saying the Washington Post "is a big singing bird?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
Happy early merry Christmas to my Christian friends. To my non-Christmas friends, enjoy Halloween and ignore the Xmas decorations.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
After years of research, I have concluded that JFK sadly died while cleaning his gun and it accidentally went off.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
@geneweingarten Doth thou protest too much, I thinks?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 23 Oct
PA. Congressional District 7 is a pencil necked moose kicking a large rabbit.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
@MonicaHesse Elvis shot JFK in jealousy over Marilyn Monroe. (That's my book. What are you writing?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
@MonicaHesse No, you didn't kill JFK. I would have remembered if you were there (Oops, did I write that out loud?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
Dear drug users: If your pusher has some of that new stuff, krokodil, say no. It has a nasty bite to it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
Technique grows hair on mice might work on humans, but who wants to grow mice hair?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
To the "religious" leader telling us not to buy community lesbian cookies: Why not? Communist lesbians might make great tasting cookies
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
@geneweingarten Agnew did not replace Tom Eagleton. Agnew already was Vice President under Nixon.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 22 Oct
The problem with dating Catholic women is they feel guilty afterwards and I can't help but take that personally.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 21 Oct
Let us celebrate this Halloween season by putting up our Christmas and/or Chanukah decorations.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Oct
It has been days since Congress once again repealed Obamacare. I am beginning to miss that wild and crazy gang and their misadventures.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct
Soylentgreenesque #MyLifeInOneWord
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct
Ad of the Year: "Do not vote for Bob Wiser. I am Bob Wiser and I approve this message."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct
I don't understand Americans. They say that want to watch what happens when a group of tigers meet a group of cardinals. Weird.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct
To the universities who fund raised for studies on the inferiority of races: There is a long line of people of all races outside for you.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Oct
To the Tea Partier with the class action suit against gays: There is a long line of gays outside ready to pay you back what you deserve.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
Maybe now would be a good time to move the Dodgers back to Brooklyn.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
If you put your penis into a toaster or a chainsaw, you may also be a stupid redneck. Just saying.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
Also, do not massage your penis with a chainsaw, It does not feel as good as you may have thought.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
I fear for the guys who actually have tried putting their penises into toasters since this story emerged. They wonder why they're single.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
Oh, and in case the message was not clear from before, do NOT put your penis into a toaster.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
If you set yourself afire while lighting a cross, you might be a stupid redneck.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
@sutterink Pied crow: You mean the African crow or the ones that fit into a pie?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
Secret revealed: JFK assassination was a well orchestrated suicide.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Oct
I remember when you only had sex to procreate children And you weren't allowed to enjoy it. The orgasm had not yet been invented. Good times
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
There is a radical new teaching method that seems to be successful. It is called Turn Off Your Computers and Listen to the Teacher.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
I declare, Boyd Crowder, something about you looks different. #SAOFX
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
At last, a sitcom with a Black character who has a friend who is Black and...oops, nope, they just killed him.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@Joshakabamaboy Hey, thanks for the spam. I always appreciate it when spammers think of me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
Why is it when I hear a huge serpent was caught off the California coast my first thoughts were "your momma is so fat..."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
Birthers: Ted Cruz was born in Canada, which is part of the USA. Obama was born in that foreign country Hawaii.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
So is John Boehner now the Democratic House Speaker?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@petridishes Yes. In 2009. I am now part of the lacing in an elaborate "Kinky Boots" fusion group costume.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@HorrorNights Go Whatsamatta U, the Fighting Procrastinators.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
My condolences to friends of U.S. Rep. Bill Young whose death was incorrectly announced earlier today.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@geneweingarten I'd lose all my followers by tweeting "thank you joining our cell. The NSA has found us out..."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@GarryMunn Thanks for the follow. Glad to hear of your hits (you are a musician, right, and not with the mob?)
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
Why is it the only women who write to me do so in duplicate spam messages?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@MonicaHesse I hope Mayor Stubbs runs for President.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@thebobbieoliver Harry Houdini and John Boehner both returned from the dead to thank you for the favorite.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Oct
@petridishes Is it me, or have the pandas put on some weight?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
If Harry Houdini hasn't come back yet, why not give it one more try? Reminds me of Congressional Republicans trying to repeal Obamacare
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
Congress averts government shutdown with loss of only one stenographer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
OK,all you Federal employees, Fly back tonight from Tahiti and get back to work tomorrow.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
Remember, what the Tea Party wants is to cut any benefits other than the benefits they get.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
@CSPANBen Thank you for the retweet. More people I know watch CSPAN late night than watch NBC prime time.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
You know, I was also on the Hallmark channel. No one saw that either. I have loyal friends.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
One friend saw me on E! but said she fell asleep in the middle of it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
3 friends call to tell me they saw me on CSPAN at 3 am. I am on NBC on prime time and no one I know watched.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
So Ted Cruz obtained the names of two million potential donors on a petition. I am glad these last few days were not wasted.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
And future Presidential candidate Marco Rubio has just won out over Florida Senator Marco Rubio.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
92% of all political tweets are incorrect, which is still a better percent that the % of misinformed tweets sent out by Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
No, I am not a cast member of "Walking Dead". This is how I look ordinarily.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
I always say delaying important emergency decisions until February is the way to go.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
Anthony Weiner. That's it. #MorePatheticThanBoehner
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 16 Oct
Washington has become such an embarrassment that the Nationals want to move to another city.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Oct
The first rule of fight club is...wait, I can't talk about that Never mind.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 15 Oct
In my decades of scholarly research, I am left with the question: "what does the fox say?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
God spoke to me once. He said "Leon, don't do a thing. I'll handle things myself."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
@MonicaHesse I am more concerned that the only Twitter account "God" follows is Justin Bieber.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Sometime every one will get one fifteenth of a second of fame.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Chelsea Handler is today's Mark Twain.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Congressional Republicans opposed signing the WW I Treaty to embarrass Wilson. Glad Congress will never repeat such actions as that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
News of NSA gathering buddy lists makes me realize I should never have accepted that friend request from Kim Jung Il.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Sears commercial where the squirrel mates with the guy's mouth brings no disapproval. Even the Radical Right gives pass to big business.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Woodrow Wilson turned down to lead the Baseball Association. How different might the world be if Wilson went into sports, not politics?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
New GOP strategy: "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Do you get a discount on our taxes for the days the government was shut down?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
@petridishes Then where would the distributor send the bill for her order of foam fingers?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Overheard in Hollywood restaurant: "It s "Despicable Me" meets "The Walking Dead.'"
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
@MiniPalin Thank you for the favorite. I could be wrong, but I suspect that mean Big Sarah is not taking you with her to Iowa?
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Horror Nights ‏@HorrorNights 14 Oct
Choices are 1) Miss HHN, 2) Bring Izzy or 3) Guilt my niece I just hooked up with free tickets into baby sitting! What should I do? Vote now
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
@HorrorNights Hire a babysitter. Or add a baby to a Bill and Ted sketch and have your 8 month old join the actors guild.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Sarah Palin is visiting Iowa. That news just ruined Ted Cruz's day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
So, today we celebrate a man who can't tell apart continents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 14 Oct
Overheard taunting on the Metro: "I'm essential and you're not."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Oct
@therealninjabob Thank you for favoring and retweeting a tweet. The tweet now feels special and is demanding a higher salary.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Oct
Overheard mother to young son: "Just cut through the line and push aside anyone in your way." Son will someday make a great U.S. Rep.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct
Did shows on 3 different networks today. Yes I am a network whore.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct
Bobbie Oliver's "Tao of Comedy" is a fun teaching guide for comics. Why can't all instruction books be that much fun?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
The new definition of insanity is you approve of Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
This is not a joke. If a court ruled you're dead over 3 years ago, your being alive can not undo your being legally dead. Live with that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
Now trending: #ThankYouJesusFor #PricelessBaseball
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Monday, October 14, 2013

Hoofer and Tweet Return to the Stage

@MiniPalin Thank you for the favorite. I could be wrong, but I suspect that mean Big Sarah is not taking you with her to Iowa?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27m
@HorrorNights Hire a babysitter. Or add a baby to a Bill and Ted sketch and have your 8 month old join the actors guild.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Sarah Palin is visiting Iowa. That news just ruined Ted Cruz's day.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
So, today we celebrate a man who can't tell apart continents.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1h
Overheard taunting on the Metro: "I'm essential and you're not."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 13 Oct
@therealninjabob Thank you for favoring and retweeting a tweet. The tweet now feels special and is demanding a higher salary.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 12 Oct
Overheard mother to young son: "Just cut through the line and push aside anyone in your way." Son will someday make a great U.S. Rep.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 11 Oct
Did shows on 3 different networks today. Yes I am a network whore.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Oct
Bobbie Oliver's "Tao of Comedy" is a fun teaching guide for comics. Why can't all instruction books be that much fun?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
The new definition of insanity is you approve of Congress.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
This is not a joke. If a court ruled you're dead over 3 years ago, your being alive can not undo your being legally dead. Live with that.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
Now trending: #ThankYouJesusFor #PricelessBaseball
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
I am worried: the only dating responses I get are from http://GhostSingles.com #GhostSingles.com
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
@MonicaHesse Great, I can continue being rejected even in the afterlife. #GhostSingles.com
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
Dog poop is more popular than Congress (true poll) if only because we keep electing crap.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Oct
California law allows more than two parents. No, Dads, this new law is not mandatory.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
They had a weight provision in the "Baywatch" contracts. Well, that explains why I wasn't cast...
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
I am a great magician. I just made the Federal government disappear.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
A nine year old snuck onto a plane. He only got caught when he refused to pay ten bucks for a warm beer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 8 Oct
I twerked for Ross Mathews. I may now die happy. In fact, I believe doing this did kill me.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 7 Oct
I know you are tired of always being asked this, yet let me be the one to ask: Will the Quarrymen ever get back together? @AskMcCartney
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
@thebobbieoliver Sadly, many will not let facts detract them from erroneous preconceived political notions. Obamacare is Muslim Commie plot
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
Abortion Dr. Zhivago #AddAWordRuinAMovie
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Oct
Gay marriage is the same as, according to Sen Santorum: bestiality; to Gov Corbett: incest. Where do Penna. Republicans learn sex education?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Oct
@geneweingarten I married a Republican. I am now prepared for death.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Oct
@Not_Woody_Allen Thank you for the favorite. You do realize you could be my father. Or not.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
Memo to KGB: I finally figured out how to bring down US government. We create this thing called "Tea Party".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
RussUlbrich has shown someone can make use of a Penn State education.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
We could all be Frank Sinatra's child. Or, from what I've heard, Milton Berle's.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 3 Oct
My mother just told me Frank Sinatra could be my father. Or Woody Allen. Or Woody Guthrie.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
If one were to live a life like Jesus, one would be living with 12 guys and a prostitute.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
Due to the government shutdown, the Panda Cam is off. Now the pandas, unnoticed until it is too late, can start their apocalyptic invasion
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
The Marlins have shut down the playoffs until their demands to be in the playoffs have been met. #GovernmetShutdown
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 1 Oct
Have you considered doing an album with your son James? #askMacca
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 30 Sep
@petridishes Why don't we just tell the panda cam person to leave the camera on before leaving for the shutdown?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
FYI: "Try and take away my gun and I'll shoot you" is not the best argument against gun control.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
@DaTwilightZone Thank you for the posting allowing me to enter the twilling zone and return. I did return, right, or is this a new dimension
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I love those "I know you don't have the guts to repost this" posts. Guess what, they're right.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
Article headline: "Ken Cuccinelli is losing women." Can't he remember where he put them?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I hate the political games where, after you find out if you won or lost, what the rules were.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I hate it every time there is a natural disaster and I forget to remind Gilbert Gottfried to tweet about it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
Overheard someone stating "you have to take that with a gander of salt." I guess his goose is cooked salted.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
I'll give you that. If a priest makes you believe that mastrubation kills millions of souls, that may explain some later emotional issues.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 27 Sep
The issue is simple. If it is consensual, it is fine. If not, it is wrong and illegal. If it is a Real Housewife, it is for public relations
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
I love it when someone favorites a tweet, follows me, then minutes later unfollows me and removes the favorite.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Good point. When is the last time you saw a cashier compare your signature to the signature on the back of your card?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
@ninfalajarasatu Thank you for favoring a tweet. It always knew you liked it better than its brother.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
In US, British can't donate blood for fear of mad cow. In England, Americans can't donate blood for fear of Jersey Shore.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Wait, you mean "Yakety Sax" is not a romantic song?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Hawaii is offering homeless one way tickets out of Hawaii? Crap, that means me -ex is coming back.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
@StephenKing Calling the Twiling saga porn is not going to hurts its sales.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
So white wine with ice cubes is out. When was it ever in? When was it ever done?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
There will be Naked Juice on "Sons of Anarchy." This is not a product placement announcement. @SOAFX
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
"I'm in the holding cell because I shot my drug dealer." "Me, I'm here over a tweet."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
I foresee the day of journalist gangs and stand up comic gangs staking territories and conducting drive bys.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Stand up comic arrested for punching Washington journalist over tweet. I am now amazed no one has offed me by now.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 26 Sep
Love panic messages from paranoids who tweeted yesterday Obama would declare martial law. "Yes,it happened. Stay indoors for 10 years."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
If you think you have parent issues, think what a child of parents who sold her into human trafficking must be dealing with.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
This is not a promoted Twitter ad. Yet please feel free to send me money anytime.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Senator Alan Simpson refusing to sign a football for Dick Cheney's 15 year old granddaughter is literally today's "political football" story
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
The Facebook porn filter can't tell the difference between bronze and real breasts. Porn filter geeks need to learn more about real women.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Memo to front office: If you don't tell us there will be major service disruptions, we probably wouldn't even notice.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Of course George H. W. Bush approves of gay marriage. Don't most Republicans support individual freedom?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
True story: A testicle eating fish has been captured in New Jersey. But enough about Snookie...
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
I have this recurring nightmare that Fox News asks me to be their ineffective liberal commentator.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
@MonicaHesse On Wall Street, the term for "wet dream" is "liquid assets".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 25 Sep
Ted Cruz has not gone to the bathroom so long I suspect he really is an alien from another planet. That would explain a lot.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Ted Cruz is not on cruise control.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
My friend tells me the biggest difference being on Chinese TV versus U.S TV is you don't get a limo, to which I respond "you got a limo?"
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Hitler wanted to run a museum when he retired. "Hi, I'm Adolf, and I'll be your docent."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Now that Ted Cruz has praised John Edwards, I now realize I have been abducted and placed into an alternate universe.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Remember, before you comment on eating babies, you can be arrested for your thoughts on eating babies, so: Be against eating.babies.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
When the Christian Science Monitor came out against eating babies, I wonder what the vote of the Editorial Board was.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@SisterGracieLou Thank you for favoring a tweet, or as the tweet would say, "OMG LOL".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@DianaRChambers Thank you for favoring a tweet. Of course, my other tweets are jealous, but I'll deal with it.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@sirensongs Thank for the retweet. It is a tweet to be retweeted.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@evilangelfiji Thank you for the retweet. The tweet appreciates living a bit longer in cyberspace.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@sha_merirei Thank you for the retweet. The tweet appreciates being read.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Ted Cruz hopes to filibuster until his Inaugural Address.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
@SonsofAnarchy @sutterink Torture porn makes a comeback? When did it leave?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
Christian Science Monitor comes out against eating babies. The hard part will be Fox News trying to find a way to refute them.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 24 Sep
The problem with politics is the public hates Obamacare yet loves the Affordable Care Act.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep
If we cut aid to food stamps because of 1% fraud, what should we do about corporate bailouts?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 20 Sep
Have you observed similarities between Physics and Philosophy? We indeed all are from each other. #yokoQandA
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@Miss_Kitzy I agree it would ask a lot of Kurt Sutter yet he is an amazing writer and creater.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
There is a fragrance that claims you will smell like the Pope. You will feel guilty wearing it and it will become the smell of guilt.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@realwoodyuk Thank you. I hope if enough people make it clear we'd read the journals, they will be written.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
@sutterink Are there plans to write and publish JT's and Jax's journals?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
If Beanie Babies don't pay their fair share of taxes, how may we expect corporations to pay their fair share?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 19 Sep
I love how my high school bully posts anti-bullying messages on Facebook.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@thebobbieoliver Your book made my cry, as well. It gave me one wicked paper cut. Seriously, I'm still reading it, Looks great so far.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
Congratulations to Rep, Joaquin Castro and his girlfriend who are expecting a child. I remember an era when such news used to kill careers.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@sutterink I never knew until now that we are neighbors.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 18 Sep
@petridishes This is all your fault. I read about how real men don't read, and now I've lost my manhood.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 17 Sep
I think everyone will be happier if Charlie Hunnan portrays "Batman" and Ben Affleck appears in "50 Shades of Grey".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
Are people in Colorado too stoned to realize the usefulness of gun laws?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
Notice how no one in "Sons of Anarchy" goes to couples therapy. #SOAFX
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
News that men with smaller penises spend more time with their children was not the best way to get more men to spend time with their kids.
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6:46 PM - 10 Sep 13 · Details
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
It's only been the first week of play, and already Los Angeles is eliminated from going to the Super Bowl.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
New York Giants decide "you know, maybe we need a running back."
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
I just hope "Sons of Anarchy" doesn't kill off Lady Sybil. #SOAFX
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
One site states Irish men are the worst lovers. Another states porn stars rates Irish men as best lovers. Maybe Irish are just into porn.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@geneweingarten I shall try. Let's see if I get something by her. I guess what day is best to commit stock fraud is too obvious....
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@sutterink Do you have any plans if the President blames MC clubs for selling Middle East weapons?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@geneweingarten She screens and chooses questions. You should see what she rejected from me. Maybe there is no such thing as Uranus rising.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@KimJungUn If you don't give your people more freedoms, we will keep sending you Dennis Rodman.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
@sutterink Well, each Commissioner fines at an average rate of...oh, wait, you meant fine for the "word".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 10 Sep
OK, I could be wrong here, but I suspect George Zimmerman might possibly have anger management issues.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
"Batwoman" will not allow a lesbian marriage Sorry, Batman and Robin, but your time may have to wait a bit longer.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@carolLUSH Thank you for the favorite. I would love to read JT's and Jax's journals.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@sutterink Are the JT journals going to be written and published?
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 9 Sep
@LadyGrew Not until all of Pussy Riot have all been released from prison for over a year may the woman may say they as "so last year".
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Sep
During an emergency landing, I think it is beyond rude when the person in front of you refuses to bring his seat forward.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 5 Sep
Well, for someone who has been in three emergency landings, let's see if I can survive a fourth. If not, remember me, the faceless Tweeter.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
Has anyone seen BabySexiestLyingWit while I've been on this computer for the last hour? How far can babies crawl? #BabySexistLyingWit
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexiestLyingWit can't crawl yet but already has an application for private elementary school and Harvard. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexistLyingWit eyeing the dog. Not falling for it, it's you, the baby, I smell. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
BabySexiestLyingWit just said "ahmalama" because he is too young to talk. #BabySexiestLyingWit
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
If you have a Twitter account in your baby's name, you are spending too much time on the computer and not enough time with your baby.
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Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit 4 Sep
I could never be in that "50 Shades" movie. I can't even wrap Christmas presents right.
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