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Like the epic brain-drain that the world seems to be suffering, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Foetal Fears’, Mike tells SexyShorts66 that he’s reluctant about attending church with her, because he’s only true religion is his constant adventures on two wheels. SexyShorts66 blasts him by saying, “Leader does not appreciate blasphemy. Be careful Mike, for you may have just unleashed your own private hell.” SexyShorts66 is now offline. Will Mike change his mind?

The hillbillies burn down Tobias and Whitney’s home. When they go inside to find the carcasses, they are surprised by a completely empty house. There is nothing or no one inside! What could’ve happened to Tobias and Whitney?

Trying to overcome post-wheel depression, Hel-Met gets back on his bike. Alas he can’t go any further and he collapses into a foetal position, surrounded by a puddle of tears. Diana tries to assure him that everything will be okay and that Petro is a million miles away from them. But as she says that, Petro quickly jumps out the shadows and puts his hand over Diana’s mouth, muffling her screams. What will Petro do to Diana and Hel-Met?

I’m really impressed with Christoph Sauser! Not only is he a world champion cyclist, but he’s also got a heart of gold!

Bike Pure is auctioning off a signed rainbow jersey of Christoph Sauser for the Songo.info charity, which the rider has officially backed for the last couple of years.

This local charity aims to support the children of Kayamandi via sport and education, and try keep them away from a path of drugs and crime.

The rainbow jersey aka The World Championship jersey, was won in June 2008 in Val di Sole, Italy. It has spent the past year travelling on display as a symbol of Bike Pure’s efforts to promote clean, doping-free cycling.

Last week, Fred stupidly reversed over his bike while it was in the garage. Just imagine this: a huge Hummer vs. a tiny Merida bike…the winner is very obvious. Anyhow, Fred was rather upset about it because we had our annual ‘best friends’ race on Saturday, and at this stage, his bike was beyond repair – it looked more like a Transformer robot stuck in a sad morphing stage!

After wiping the tears from his eyes and the snot from his lip, he took out the phone and called his local cycling shop. In an unexpected turn in the Era of Bad Customer Service, the store managed to organise him a similar bike (and set up too) in just 24 hours! Fred couldn’t believe the amount of effort the guys put into helping him and in such record time.

Needless to say, Fred managed to make the event and even grabbed second place, just a couple of seconds behind me…the champion!

Kids, the moral of the story is that connections are really important. Remember these key points which will help you build a better rapport with your cycling shop:

Visit regularly, even if it’s just to buy a magazine or stupid accessories for your bike.

Like the weird, conniving ways of politicians, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Cultnomics’, Mike continues to chat to SexyShorts66, who always talks about a strange church that she attends. She tells Mike that he should attend a service, because it’s a really amazing experience to see all the people chanting and doing what their ‘leader’ tells them. Will Mike go to this ‘new church’ and find the leader?

Tobias puts on his old cycling gear as a disguise and spray-paints the town hall with the words: ‘Love never dies, but inbreeders will!’ The hillbillies go nuts when they see the desecration – immediately assuming it was Tobias. They grab their pitchforks and torches, and head towards Tobias and Whitney’s home. Is this the end for Tobias and Whitney?

The nightmares don’t stop for little Hel-Met and Diana decides to take him to see a psychologist. The shrink tells them that Hel-Met is suffering from post-wheel depression – it’s a new disease that happens to burnt-out riders. The only cure is for Hel-Met to get back on his bike again and conquer his demons. Will Hel-Met be able to overcome post-wheel depression and the lurking shadow that reminds him of Petro?

Next weekend is the 3 day, multistage mountain biking race known as the Nando’s Magalies Adventure. Starting on the 14th and running until the 16th August, this event will prove to be a fun event for nature fundis and MTB fanatics alike.

The event will kick off on Friday night with a night stage of 25km, followed by a second stage of 75km on Saturday, and a shorter 45km on Sunday.

Magaliesburg is a beautiful, conservation area and I’m sure that you’ll have many mental Kodak moments after this event.

Local cycling star, Greg Minnaar, experienced a high speed crash at the UCI Downhill World Cup in Mt. Ste. Anne, Quebec. Yet despite this, he managed to get back on the saddle and finish in 22nd place. This misfortune has unfortunately cost Minnaar in the overall standings as he slipped from 1st to 3rd.

In the same event, Steve Peat claimed his 50th career podium when he finished in 2nd place. Clap, clap Stevey!

Some mad-cap friends, a hit-and-miss 10-week training programme, a crash-course in racing in the dark, and a sense of humour is enough ammunition to tackle the Trans Baviaans 24-hour mountain bike challenge, as rookie rider Neill Erickson shares …

RACE DAY – 18 August

A buzz of nervous anticipation was felt in the breakfast hall and then it was down to the start area to take the bags to the trucks, where the local brass band was leading the drummies.

And then we were off, about 450 mad riders with 224km’s to go!

The aim was to slipstream the bunch until the 1st stop. The pace was fast. After about 30km the groups had spread a bit and the tempo and heart rate eased slightly.

After a brisk 23.5km/h average, we were at the first check point – 50km. Two minutes later, off again but now on our own – the field had split up.

This section of road is very corrugated and a bit tedious. Occasionally teams caught us and the urge was to climb in behind but we thought it best not burn ourselves out. After a further 25km, we took a short planned stop to get the butt off the saddle and access some food.

Yes food, now this was scientific. The heart monitor was set to alarm every 20min to remind us to eat and drink – it’s essential to prevent dehydration or bonking. The science went like this. A jelly baby takes 20min to suck (and keeps the throat moist) so a stage of 2.5 hrs = 7JB’s + pieces of dried mango & few roasted salted mixed nuts per ½ hr and a baby potato. The juice in the camel pack contained all the electrolytes and list of other stuff which you needed a year’s med school study to understand. We also carried some energy bars and gels, just in case.

In this area the farming communities sporadically lined the route to give us support. We would move to the side of the road, put our hands out and have a moving hi-5 with the kids. One of the highlights of the ride was the uninhibited squeal of delight as I stooped particularly low to include a tiny girl at the end of a 7 kid line up.

The next stop and check point was Geelhoutbos after 107km and almost 5hrs of cycling. Our first PnP bag to refill food and drink was much needed as we’d run out of juice. I grabbed a delicious chocolate muffin, took a short stretch and then went off again.

This is where the beauty and fun part of the route started – water crossing and mountains. We had completed half the distance and I had my only energy gel of the ride, so I attacked the pass taking timeout at the top to appreciate the awesome beauty and to regroup. Mike got his smile back on the 275m descent over 6km – heaps of fun (max 72 km/h). This stage, although only 18km took 01h19 and got us to Doornkraal at roughly 16h00.

We were going better than expected and 1 hour ahead of schedule and decided to stop longer than planned – by this time the muscles knew they were on more than a casual outing. Here we stopped to put on lights & get some warmer clothes and food. And so with stomachs full and smiles on our faces the next stage awaited – the 2 fangs (short steep climbs) and the Bergplaas mountain – a 480m climb over 10km.

Imagine this setting: no-one else in sight as we quietly made our way through buffalo and rhino territory in the late afternoon shadows with the surrounding mountains displaying the ever changing sunset moods – what a privilege! We were now probably half way time wise. Not wanting to be heroes, when the going got tough, we got off and pushed, but still cycled most of Bergplaas. We reached the top as the sky was burning in a display of red and orange rays reaching from behind the silhouetted undulating depth of mountains – awesome!

But there was still another 2km of gradual grind till the summit. The lights came into play as the light show behind us disappeared and left nothing besides your breathing and a patch of LED illuminated road. We had entered into the next phase – night riding.

Bergplaas was the major stop. Warm soup and rolls and a mass of bikes and riders all vying for a share of the scarce available dim light. I had my own bag for all my paraphernalia. Picture this – wet shoes stuffed with newspaper, dry socks, shoe covers, cotton tights to go over the cycling leg warmers, windbreaker (to go over the 3 layers already worn), balaclava, full finger gloves (to go under existing cycle gloves), and not forgetting one helmet with 20W downlighter and 12V battery plus makeshift fastening device which I decided to take along after all – for the Bergplaas decent. Due to detailed planning & well rehearsed activities this entire stop took only 3.5 minutes – NOT – I’m amazed we only took 35 minutes!

Lights blazing, we set off like chokka boats in a sea of absolute darkness, and gathered a following of about 8. Tjaart’s lights were reasonable, so I told Mike to stay next to me as his lights were not great. Now there is a 2km slight descent until the start of the 5km hectic descent, which has a rutted surface, tight turns and no barriers to prevent certain death if you happen to go off the sheer edges. Here’s the twist, because all vehicles stay clear of the edge, this is the smoothest ride – how’s that for tempting? This was the absolute and uncontested highlight of the entire event. Whooping and hollering in delight as we cranked it down a pitch black Bergplaas on the edge at 40+km/h.

In less than no time the entourage, including Tjaart, disappeared and our unison screams of delight echoed in the still valley night. Regrouped at the bottom and headed for Komdomo, our next stop.

The reception at Komdomo was fantastic – also another highlight. Family and others making us feel like we were heroes and had just won. Well 174km is something to get excited about, it was already the furtherest single distance any of us had cycled. Some hot, hot chocolate, a concoction energy drink, specially requested chicken bun, stretching and 40min later we were like Willy Nelson – on the road again.

After a short 3km tar section reprieve we encountered the next challenge – the 17km long “never-ender”. After sitting for 180km on a small saddle, you want to stand once in a while to relieve the butt pressure, and stretch the calf muscles, but you had to peddle to keep moving and the legs were not keen to stand and peddle.

We saw 2 cyclists at a Y-junction stopped ahead. They had waited for us and were studying the instruction book (which we had mistakenly left in the car at Willowmore) because not only was this a physical and endurance challenge, it also entailed orienteering from the book. I could spend the next page telling you about how we decided not to follow the disappearing cyclists ahead and take a left fork. Suffice is to say when we saw the checkpoint lights, we let out screams of delight and relief!

A little nibble and we were off again, teamed up with the two cyclists and their book. Only 22km to go – we were almost there! Through farm gates, down a steep overgrown farm track to an unmanned self check in point, over a marshy drift, then up a steep hill – we had to push near the top. Then there were J-Bays lights in the distance. Mike warned that it wasn’t over till the fat lady sung. We carried on cycling and J-bay stayed in the distance. This is what spinning class prepared us for – peddling yourself silly but going nowhere.

We dipped slightly, the lights disappeared and a wide, proper dirt road appeared. Going along on autopilot, Tjaart and I suddenly wiped out in mud patch. Here we were on a dark deserted road 10 or so km’s from the end at 1 o’clock in the morning and we had our first drama – It really wasn’t over till the champagne cork popped!

At 01h17, we reached the end and still felt strong. The three of us came in together to cheers from our wives, clapping from the small crowd and our team IMCOR as our names were announced over the PA system.

Some mad-cap friends, a hit-and-miss 10-week training programme, a crash-course in racing in the dark, and a sense of humour is enough ammunition to tackle the Trans Baviaans 24-hour mountain bike challenge, as rookie rider Neill Erickson shares …

It all started at the beginning of June last year with a call from an old squash mate of mine, Tjaart Pretorius. He asked me if I was up for a challenge – the 24 hour, 240km Trans-Baviaans Mountain Bike race.What? Was he crazy? There wasn’t enough time to train I thought. However, after some convincing, I finally committed.

We had 10 weeks to race day.

On our 1st Saturday cycle, I mentioned to Tjaart that another mate, Mike Armstrong (Mike – not Lance!) was also keen to do the race, and finally our three member team was established. I joined a gym for 3 months, and went after work 3-4 times a week. Saturdays and Sundays we cycled, mostly 60-80km from 3.5-5 hours. Tjaart drew up a training schedule which we loosely stuck to around our other commitments. The bike even went with me to the Grahamstown Festival, where I had fun exploring tracks and roads on the many surrounding hectic hills.

Spinning classes at the gym turned out to be essential to our preparations, pushing you past your VO2 max threshold preparing your muscles to cope with lactic acid buildup (which usually leads to cramping) and increasing strength and endurance. After our first long, slow road ride (120km) – our legs were finished and my bum hurt even worse.

Two weeks later, a group of us met up with Mike Glover, the owner of Red Cherry Adventures, who had entered a couple of teams for the race and had arranged a training ride through the Baviaans to give us some “real” experience. This was the first ride that Tjaart, Mike and I were doing together as a team. The objective was to do the distance at an easy pace and get to know some of the route… The difference here was, we were doing it over two days and not just one!

We still had a lot of preparation to do and now only had 4 weeks to race day.

According to schedule, the next Friday was a night ride to test our clothes and lights and to get some dirt road night time experience. After much deliberation I decided not to use the effective but heavy 12 volt creation with limited battery life, which I had made myself, but opted for the LED’s which were lightweight and use negligible power. We set off in horrendous weather and were fine doing 12km/h up an incline and even okay doing 23km/h on the flat, BUT, sufficient illumination takes on a whole new meaning when you’re going downhill at more than 40km/h! It’s an adrenalin rush, but also a bit freaky when your back wheel suddenly lurches violently sideways, and you don’t even see the rock that caused it. Lesson learnt: more training and investigation into warm clothing and lights was required!

The following Sunday was our looooooong ride including the never-ender (part of the route). Mike paid no attention to my warning of the steepness and took off down the mountain with glee – he’s such an animal! Tjaart was a bit more cautious. I was the slowest and clocked 68km/h. At the bottom Mike discovered his shocks were locked out – as I said, he’s an animal! Once again, our aching legs were happy to reach the end – still 104km short of the race distance.

Our training was coming along nicely, and we could’ve been ready in 2 months time… pity race day was in 2 weeks.

The next two weeks we tapered down training with some easier rides and we started sorting out

lighting and clothing and checked out the supplied race info. There were 7 compulsory stops (6 with energy drink and food available) where we had to check in and out as a team. We were issued with 4 Pick ‘n Pay freezer bags for our team that refreshments, clothing, lights etc. could be packed. Each bag was marked and placed onto separate trucks, at the start point and dropped off at check points.

We had a final meeting to discuss strategy.

And then ready or not ….it was time. Five kilos lighter, I looked like a fit, lean racing snake!

Arrived in Willowmore on Friday, 17 August, went straight to registration to collect the team’s 106 checkpoint lanyard, bike race numbers, route/rules book etc. and our freezer bags. Next, we checked into our 4 bedded school hostel room, to pack and prepare cycling kit etc. The next hour or so was a jumble of sorting and carefully putting planned provisions into the correct bags. After the obligatory pasta meal which the local ladies served with Karoo hospitality, it was off to the hotel for more carbo-loading. Sitting quietly by the fire we were entertained by the boeremusik and locals. Then it was time for bed.

Like the bad ways you can choose to end a story, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘I heard you through the telephone’, Mike joins an online cycling networking site, where he meets a woman named SexyShorts66. They immediately hit it off online, chatting about the same interests and having a great fun time getting to know each other. Will SexyShorts66 turn out to be Mike’s new love?

Tobias and Whitney’s marriage is delayed after the town’s hillbillies set fire to their barn. Tobias knows that this is a message from the town that they don’t want strangers there. Will Tobias and Whitney run or will they stay and fight against the inbreeders?

Hel-Met enjoys watching the Tour de France and even manages to get some cycling tips from winner Alberto Contador. He feels content, but can’t help cringe every time he sees a shadow that reminds him of Petro. Is Hel-Met really, really safe?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter images of municipal workers kicking over dustbins which they’ll have to clean up later anyways*

I just read that an annual cycle show is going to be taking place at Earl’s Court, London on the 9-11 October. I think its awesome news, but it got me wondering: does SA host any local cycling shows or expos?

I know we have shows like the Rand Easter Show, Soccer Expo, Auto Africa and even the computer one, Rage, but I’ve never heard of a cycling expo… I’ve tried googling it, but I can’t seem to find anything :/

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see the latest MTB gadgets and hot promo girls handing out branded water bottles, which are so much better just because they’re free? It would be the perfect opportunity for various companies, such as those involved in navigation devices and energy drinks, to showcase their latest products and developments.

Organisers, here’s your chance to pioneer something new for the local MTB community! You can thank Ricky and MTB Shorts by giving us a free booth if this ever happens…