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I know many of you out there will whip out and rub to this, and that’s fine. But honestly, this just made me hungry. The girl is cute and all, yes, no argument there, but this fella took the time to fuck a McDonalds worker and never once does he shout “I’m Lovin’ It!” during his performance. To top it off, we don’t even get to see her get his special sauce. I’m goin’ to Burger King. The King, now there’s a guy who knows how to have a good time!…

Hello humans! It is October 25th! What’s so special about that, you ask? Why human, I am surprised at you, quite honestly. Even I, a mere forest troll, knows that October 25th, 1955 was the day Doc Brown told Marty McFly to meet him at the Twin Pines Mall for his first time travel experiment! And being that I do not have any Back to the Future porn to offer you, here is something that I hope will suffice – a young redhead with car trouble and a shifty mechanic who informs her she needs a flux capacitor two and a half minutes in.

But she has no money! Sadly, 1.21 gigawatts won’t get her out of this scrape. But do you know what will? Getting cummed on in the dirty auto shop! Hehehehe I can’t wait!…

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What’s that? A big budget blu-ray 3D porn parody of AVATAR is not enough? Oh, ok then… well, how about a big budget blu-ray 3D porn parody of AVATAR which also includes a special blue “alien” Fleshlight that you can use while you watch? Better? Yes. I thought so.

For years, increasing accounts of an Unidentified Fucking Object have been reported by mystified Fleshlight fans with little or no substantiating evidence. The denial of the existence of this object has driven the scandal to levels of near hysteria. Finally, after publicly rebuffing the existence of exxxtra-terrestrial fuckery, the once top-secret “Alien” is now being made available to the public from Fleshlight, the maker of the #1 selling sex toy for men.

Introducing The Alien by Fleshlight and This Ain’t Avatar XXX in 3D — The ultimate alien fantasy has landed. The new Fleshlight Alien is an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way! Use the Alien Fleshlight while watching Hustler’s new 3D epic, “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” for the ultimate in E.T. ecstasy.

As amazing as this is, I am a bit upset. For some reason, this money-saving set is only available with the regular DVD. If you’re seeking the blu-ray version of the film, you’ll have to purchase both separate.

Grab it HERE and make Tsaheylu! (“the bond”). Watch the trailer below!

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Hehehehe!!!! As a small Troll of the forest, I am used to seeing creatures of all types fucking. Yet I, just like you, longed to see more of the hot blueball love of Jake and Neyteri last December. And when the “Extended” Edition came last month, the only thing that I was hoping would be extended was my TrollJohnson, but alas, this did not happen. But now, my little Avatards, NOW, FINALLY, we can all pop in a BLU-ray and become extended with Hustler’s THIS AIN’T AVATAR!!! Now if only this was playing in IMAX…. Hehehehooo!….

“The highly anticipated 3-D journey inside a brand new world with a deep, dark secret in the most ambitious project ever from Huster Video. A feature that is the first ever adult movie made specifically for 3-D televisions!”…

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Watch the characters from Hustler Video’s “This Ain’t Celebrity Apprentice” raise the stakes even higher as they compete for the big win!

You’re fired, so lets fuck! Horny celebs try to make good by getting it up and on for a greater cause. Sharon is a yummy mummy and Cyndi just wants to have fun! This parody of the hit celebrity show will give you a hard boner that the original one can not achieve…

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Dear Troll,
I loved the film E.T. when I was a little kid. I love it even more now as a grown man. I love it so much I wanna fuckin’ fuck that little fuck, E.T. – should I seek help?
Keep it UP, yours, Aliengorged.

Well, son, to your question I will answer NO! You do not need to seek help, for all the assistance you require is contained in the following embedded video. Just pull you pants down and gently rub off to these beautiful femaliens who are surly from ET’s green planet…

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Dear Troll,
I just got the new iPhone 4 and it is the best thing available to buy in the history of the planet. I love it so much I wish I could marry it. I love it more than I could ever love another human being. Is this wrong? — bergitchcock

Well, Bergitch, you are not alone. And while it may seem you’re close to having actual sex with your lovable device, just relax – REAL sex with a live girl is not far away, according to a recent report…

According to 11 million plus images indexed by users of dating site OK Cupid, iPhone users get laid twice as often as Android users. Check out the stats HERE!

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Over the last few months, Kayden Kross has won me over, not just with her hot looks, but with something rarely seen in today’s porn stars… class. Kayden has a way about her that manages all at once to be slutty and smart.

Her personal blogs on Xctric to her interviews on location, she has a way that ropes you in. Of course, it also doesn’t hurt that she takes a long stiff piece of dick inside her anus, as demonstrated here on this sunny day…

Sometimes it’s so nice to get your wanker tugged by a young girl in a pink polo shirt. It’s so very nice and relaxing, wouldn’t you say? What’s that? You say you’ve never had your wanker tugged by a girl in young girl in a pink polo shirt before? Well now, don’t fret, my horny friend! I have just the video for you!