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Topic: parenting backbone sighted! (Read 20702 times)

thank you parents of "girl" for not giving in to her tantrum and for making her behave.

i saw them in a few stores and the mum had a firm grip on the childs hand and i heard her say "if you hadn't misbehaved you wouldn't have to hold my hand, but now you are holding it until we get home!"

girl tried to pull her hand free and whined and wailed but to no avail.

mum say us at one point and said "sorry" , i replied "don't worry about it".

I just want to hug those type of parents when I see them out..instead of the lady I saw the other day who told her kid (about 7) no. Kid started screaming at her and hit her, telling her he hated her, so she grabbed what he wanted and put it in the cart I just shook my head.

Agreed. We were in the airport yesterday and there was a family of four - mom, dad, baby I guess to be about six months and girl of about three. Mom was holding the sleeping baby and dad was trying to entertain the little girl, but she kept trying to run across the concourse to the candy display. When dad physically stopped her no less than five times, she began shrieking, stamping feet, flailing arms.

Dad picked her up, sat her butt firmly in a chair and said, "It is now time for you to be silent." She opened her mouth again and he cut her off. "Nope - silence - NOW." Little girl obviously knew he meant business because despite sniffling righteously a few times, she was quiet! I don't need silence to play Candy Crush in the boarding area but it sure is nice to be spared the screaming!

Saw one at an outdoor music festival we went to last week. At the end of the day, we were waiting for the shuttle bus to take us back to the parking lot where our car was. There was a family with 5 little girls, from about 8 down to an infant. When the bus arrived, it pulled in a few yards beyond the place where we were all waiting. The little girls got excited and started running towards the bus, when their mom called them back: 'No! You are in a line and you will stay in a line. We will all get a turn to get on the bus'. And they all stopped dead and went back to their parents, to wait in line for the bus.

Years ago when I was a store worker on a military base , I overheard a Mom in the PX tell her 9 year old daughter " You have not yet earned the privilege of being allowed to walk around in this store unsupervised ."

To which her child replied " Yes Ma'am ."

I wanted to hug her . Heck , I wanted to clone her...

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The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

I don't think it is parenting making a comeback, as much as we are starting to notice the good parents who are the quiet ones who don't make scenes in dealing with their kids. We are used to the screeching non stop the the whole store kids whose parents just ignore it or say 'honey, sweetie, lovey, mummy will do anything you want..what will make little snookie ookums a happy kid?"

30 years ago, when we first moved into the neighborhood, the kids were terrors. There were restaurants we liked but wouldn't visit because there were always little children playing hide-and-seek around the legs of waitresses carrying trays of hot food. It was too scary to watch.

A generation or so down the line, things are completely different. Recently we had lunch at a sushi place. Seated next to us was a table of six. There were four young boys fresh from a soccer game in the park. The boys were accompanied by two adults.

The boys enthusiastically discussed the match but weren't overly loud. They stayed in their seats and ate their food nicely. If it wasn't for the childish voices, you'd think you were sitting next to a table of adult sports fans discussing the recent victory of a local sports team.

It's interesting to consider that the four-year-olds who were allowed to create havoc in 1983 may be the parents of these very well-behaved young men in 2013.

I think it is making a comeback. I think it is based on prevalent parenting philosophies. I was born in 1970. I remember many friend's parent's seemed to think that "As long as we love them and don't spank them, then all will be fine." Then there was the permissive "I don't want to squash his/her individuality." Then there was the "Praise for every little thing and tell him/her 'you are smart' so that it will be true." Lots of exceptions, of course. But now the idea seems to be leaning more toward the Love and Logic idea of natural consequences, or the straight old-fashioned parenting ideas.

I also think that social pressure comes into play. I think people are more disapproving of a badly behaved kid in public. There is no "kids will be kids" attitude. (Not that I disagree)

Nayberry, your story sounds just like what DS and I went through a few weeks ago.

Our rule is that DS can walk by himself if he follows the rules (stay close, no touching, no running). We were in a store and he kept touching things, so after a warning, I decreed that he had to hold my hand. He immediately dissolved into a puddle of wailing torment. The end result is that we marched out of the store, across three parking lots, and back to the car with him screaming the entire time.

I was incredibly embarrassed, but I received *several* kind smiles from my fellow shoppers, and one even saluted me.

Happily, DS has been a model of good shopping behavior ever since.

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"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

I think part of it is that we've got a lot of religious/moral/societal issues which have come under social debate in the last decade or so, with people holding very strong (and opposing) opinions. The only way to ensure your kids grow up feeling the same way you do about homosexuality/religion/feminism/racial relations/politics is to to parent them in a way which puts *you* as more important than what the rest of the world is saying to them - you never know what kind of messages they're receiving at school or from their friends, but if you make sure you're an authority figure they look up to, you know they'll at least give your own opinions weight.

(I don't think this is necessarily a conscious thing, honestly, but it happens anyway. I want my daughter growing up thinking that it's okay to like math and engineering, it's good to follow our religious teachings but it doesn't make someone else less of a good person for not following them, and that it's important to be tolerant of people who are different than we are. She's not going to learn those things on her own!)

I was in Publix last week, and a mother refused to buy the Trendy Brand of Chips that were being demanded by her nine-year-old-ish daughter, in favor of selecting the exact-same-tasting Less Trendy Chips. The way her daughter was carrying on, you would have thought her mother was buying Chips that Hate Justin Beiber And Cause Body Odor and Acne Breakouts On Purpose. Mom looked at her, arched an eyebrow, and stated: "Less Trendy Chips, or no chips. Your choice." When the whining continued, Mom turned her cart around, took her daughter's hand, and started for the checkout. As they were walking away to the daughter's protest of having her hand held, Mom replied "you seem to be acting like (what I guess was a younger sibling's name), so that's what's happening."

I wonder, could it be some parents are insecure about wanti sir kids to like them, so ey give in all the time? I remember when I studied teaching, I could always Stan behind the phrase "I'm not here to be liked" so I cold ignore when I was called mean for saying no to something unreasonable.