Okay, so now you have your tool box ready to go with the basic stuff. What’s in your tool box is up to you of course, as an expression of your individuality, but here are a few suggestions.

A Leather Blindfold
This is by far the most valuable item in the box. Sensory deprivation is amazing: it allows control freaks the much-needed opportunity to surrender and let go, and gives the meek a chance to have the upper hand. It is a fun, totally accessible exercise in TRUST. A small investment in a well-made, simple, leather blindfold will pay dividends for years. Leather because it’s sensual, sturdy, and it cleans and wears well. Sam found a great one at The Pleasure Chest for under $30. We like it because it is comfortable as can be, doesn’t allow for any peeking, and vaguely recalls a pair of Prada sunglasses. What could be better?

A Paddle or CropWhether it’s a simple ping-pong paddle, a leather one that leaves the word ‘slut’ on the bottom’s ass, or a simple leather crop, it is a natural with the blindfold. A good rule of thumb is to only swat someone else as hard as you would swat yourself – and you definitely need to swat yourself first to master this tool and know how it feels firsthand. Once upon a time, I swatted a tender bottom with my fraternity paddle (which, incidentally, doesn’t fit in the toolbox), and I swung a little too hard. It took us right out of the moment, killing the wood and the mood for the next half hour.

A Selection of Cock RingsNeoprene is our preference, for general use, hands down. They’re black, and sized so they’re snug but not too tight, you can wear them for hours at the bar for a bigger package. Get the right size. Plus, it’s really, really hot if your leather shop’s staff (Mr.S, by the Faultline in L.A.) encourages you to try them on right there in the middle of the shop. In second place are clear jellies, which can be a little fragile, but they’re also comfy and effective.

If you’re really into rings, and you’ve got enough meat, there’s nothing like a big beautiful, chrome ring with some heft. They can be a little spendy, but worth every penny. You might enjoy the feel of the weight, which keeps you stimulated and definitely enhances the package. It’s imperative that you get the right size: too small and they can be painful when you get erect; too loose and you’ll be chasing it across the dance floor. It’s also a total trip to wear one under a suit during a meeting or presentation at work. Try it. You’ll feel like a total bad ass.

Video Head Cleaner
The heads on the VCR can get dirty at the oddest times, like just before you’re about to lay some pipe. That’s when you break out the head cleaner. Jungle Juice gets your heads clean in a jiffy. Wow. A VERY SERIOUS NOTE: don’t clean the heads on your VCR if you’ve taken Levitra, Cialis, or Viagra. If you were to accidentally inhale the fumes while taking these medications, you could experience very serious adverse effects, including death.

A Jockstrap or TwoVintage, or colors. Red is nice. If you prefer ’em a little gamey, don’t wash ’em so much. They’re also good for stuffing into someone’s mouth if they get too chatty.

Cheap, Mirrored Cop GlassesWhether it’s cop or 70s porn star play, or you’re being photgraphed, these are crucial. The unexpected bonus is that the bottom can see their reflection in the lenses while you’re topping. Hawt.

Knee-High Striped or Soccer SocksBow-chicka-bow-wow. Transport yourselves to high school, a 70s porn flick, or the Galaxy locker room with a pair of these. They’re amazingly sexy, and if you coordinate them with the jockstrap, all the better. Also good for impromptu blindfolding and stuffing into someone’s mouth.

A Stiff-Bristled Hair BrushIf you’re into tickling feet, there’s nothing better than this. If you don’t believe me, take myfriendsfeet.com‘s word for it.

BandanasThese are essentially handcuffs for the rest of us. They’re handy (although not blinding) blindfolds, and great for tying wrists together. Plus, they’re kinder than metal handcuffs, and you’ll never get the lube out of your good silk ties. If you really get into the rough stuff, go for the handcuffs, but unless you’re into heavy cop or interrogation scenes, they’re more trouble than they’re worth.

Safe WordGreat sex is about abandon, excitement, and even fear or danger, but all within a truly safe context. Given the tying, blindfolding, and tickling we’ve discussed, you and your partner have to also establish a safe word. It allows you to say “No!” or “Stop!” all you want, during the course of the play while still being able to communicate when enough is enough. So, it should be a word that would be really out of context when you shouted it, like, “Bananas!” Whatever it is, it is to be absolutely respected, or else trust is lost, and safe access to the emotional components of great sex are too.