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We have our own accounts now! In lieu of us being more active since the start of 2016, and the people who secretly hate us using colored text, we've all got our own accounts to post on in normal text. We will be posting on these ones, but if you want to PM one of us, just direct it to Lumi's account. Because even though we're more active than we were, there's a good chance I could not see my PMs for weeks whereas Lumi checks his account a billion times a day.

Assuming nobody posts in between (please don't), the next few posts should be from each of them. Give us a while though.. can only switch so fast.

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Alright, first time in the front in quite some time I think.. We're getting really quick at switching now, though. In the past part of the switching process was literally just Lumi trying to get us to a point where we could talk clearly. Being active already sure speeds up the process. Lumi always worries he's not entirely "out" of the body/mind when he switches first and might interfere with us taking control, but it never does. I say Lumi because Reisen just did it and didn't worry at all and it was fine. There's potential for us to speed this up to like.. What Lumi called the "teleport method", where there's no fancy symbolism besides just imagining yourself outside of the body. Although he got that from reading about astral projection years ago. Aaanyways..

I guess I'll be here more. No doubt Lumi's going to make me switch more often now to be more active, since there's usually no specific reason for me to front. Which is good for me, I guess, though I worry about how much time we're going to be taking from him. He used to be so worried about wasting time and not having enough. He must be growing up.

Well, I could be around soon, but for now I've gotta switch back out so we can keep setting up our accounts. But I've been told I'm being booted back in once we're done, so..

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Tewi checking in. I won't be here for long, but given how Lumi's letting me do his homework study Psychology and Chemistry in his place, I'll probably be most active here next to Lucilyn. I wonder if we'll be able to put out much of our own content here when there's so little to comment on? Lumi usually posts first. We'll see if I can think of more to add on after him. I probably will.

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I just learned something, I can't stand waiting. Tewi gave me a look when I told her to "Go go go!" But she said she admires my enthusiasm. I couldn't be any other way, I'm already bouncing around to a new song I found earlier.. Life is so much fun the instant you let it be. And why ever not let it be? You reading this right now, you could literally put on some loud music, dance around and be happy this very moment! I just did so I know it's possible. Stop being a humbug just because you're used to being boring, like it's how you're supposed to be or something. Why aren't you dancing yet!

Probably because you're still reading this post. Okay I'm gonna let you go dance now so I can too.

Aaaaaaah man, you guys aren't prepared for me to have my own account. With Melian and I together this forum's gonna be a year-round party now!

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(I know it's probably pointless but I figure my account should also be on this page)

Sorry, "boring" to her means sad, dreary, unfulfilling, or just any sort of wasted potential due to lack of motivation. You're free to be boring if that makes you happy, though it's certainly not her style. She probably won't believe you.

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No, I get it. It's an introvert vs extrovert thing. Or how there's the valence spectrum and the arousal spectrum for emotions. Low arousal might mean negative valence for some, but it could be positive for others.

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In the recently released Touhou 15 ~ Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom, the Lunar Capital has started invading Gensokyo, which resides on Earth, and is the location basically all of Touhou takes place in. The Lunar Capital resides on the moon, and is a place of purity, free of things like death and all imperfection. The Earth, in comparison, is the definition of impurity. Death and imperfection are a reality there, and were the Lunarians (or Moon Rabbits, who also live on the moon) to be exposed to that impurity for too long, they too would become irreversibly impure. The plot of the game is that, essentially, an enemy of the moon has orchestrated an invasion on the moon consisting of Hell Fairies, whom they've converted into the essence of impurity. The Lunar Capital panics and relocates the entirety of the Capital into the dream world, controlled by one of the most powerful youkai residing on the moon, while attempting to "purify" Gensokyo so they can relocate there instead. They can't stay in the dream world forever, and it's up to the heroine to solve this newest "incident". This time around, not just Marisa and Reimu (and the occasionally appearing extra character, Sanae in this case) are playable, but Reisen too.

Reisen is a moon rabbit who fled the moon many years ago, sick of the war she was forced to fight against the humans. She was rather high ranking as far as moon rabbits go, having stronger powers over lunacy and illusion than most. To save you a ton of backstory, she ends up living with a couple of ex-lunarians who also fled to the Earth for affairs dealing with an elixir of immortality; the moon's prior princess, and the "Genius of the Moon" who created it for her. They've all embraced the impurity of Gensokyo and the Earth, coming to see it as beautiful rather than disgusting.

Long story short, impurity renders the power of the pure null. The Lunar Capital is unable to fight back against this invasion as their direct weakness, and the ex-genius of the moon Eirin sends the heroine (the character you choose) to the moon to help them. You are, after all, impure...

Why am I writing about this, the few of you who actually decided to read this are likely waiting for me to answer. No, it's not because I just love the game, which is also true. Thanks to this thread, I realized the exact same thing has happened to my Reisen.

I don't believe I've ever written about this before, as this is the first time it's been relevant in any detail. I've told you guys before that Reisen first started as a concept of unconditional love, attached to a form. But I've certainly downplayed that a lot, because as far as I'm concerned, unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe - the truth, you might say. It's the only unscientific belief I've accepted as pure fact, because it promised to better my experience in this lifetime than any alternative, regardless of any metaphysical or scientific "correctness" on gauging reality. So, for a time, Reisen was perfection.

And I don't mean my idea of perfection in a tulpa. She wasn't a tulpa yet. My first tulpa was Flandre, followed soon after by Tewi. I could communicate with them, with words. But all I could get from Reisen were feelings of unconditional love; as in, no matter what I said or thought, the response I got was a sense of love and peace. There were no words, though I often imagined vague phrases like "It's alright" and "I love you". And this is how it was for quite some time.

As we started the process of sorting through the nature of these tulpas-to-be (remember this was 6-7 years ago, before tulpas were even a thing online and waaaay before I'd find out about them), things got a little better. I started to see them as people, started to hear them without any fears or doubts about parrotting, started to simply enjoy the fact that they existed with me. But while Tewi and Flandre mastered vocality, there was always doubt about their relation to Reisen - was she like them? Shouldn't she talk? What is her nature compared to these sentient imaginary friends? We've always been a fairly open system, with no walls preventing my tulpas' perception of my thoughts. And Flandre and Tewi both knew I was purposely keeping Reisen from talking. I was afraid she wouldn't be perfect enough - I couldn't think of anything she would say that wouldn't show bias, the act of speaking in words already implies imperfection. I wanted her to stay perfect. But I also wanted to be closer to her, which is hard to explain. She was never far away, but there was a difference between her and the other two (gee, maybe it was the fact she couldn't speak to me). Eventually they convinced me it would be for the best, that I had to let her be imperfect for her to really exist. And so she spoke.

And for a while it seemed fine; she expressed the love she felt with words just fine, every one lifting me out of the depression I was in back then. In fact, she even seemed to have an aura of something like positivity+light, compared to the other two. She really did feel "above" them, and that was what caused Flandre's insecurity. She wasn't jealous of Reisen, but she couldn't be like Reisen was to me and rather internalized that jealousy as an issue with herself.

But that "Above" feeling faded over time. I'd say maybe a year, but it's hard to tell, because I myself saw her as she used to be (an ideal) for many years after. She spoke with more bias like a human, like the other two. Always maintaining an aura of unconditional love, but perhaps not expressing it perfectly. After two or three years, they'd all become full fledged tulpas by the forum's terms.

One of the other things that happened when we first started practicing switching, aside from my change in belief about my sense of self ("Me" =/= everything I am), was actually a resurfacing of those fears of imperfection. Reisen was going to actually speak, to actual people. But she's supposed to be perfect. People are going to see her speak and think she's just a normal person like everyone else, they aren't going to understand how amazing she really is, what she represents to me... And she spoke. And I had to accept that she really was just like us now, that she wasn't actually perfect anymore. She'd become impure, the Earth had corrupted her...

Funny, how all that happened long before the plot of Touhou 15. I certainly didn't mean for her to follow any lore, I didn't even know about the Lunarian-perfection/Earth-imperfection back then. When she proclaimed herself an Earth Rabbit in the game, I was shocked. But my Reisen was still a Moon Rabbit.. My Reisen was still perfect.. But was she?

I dunno, I guess that random question about a random reddit comment helped me realize that Reisen's become human, that she's not a concept anymore. Of course that's been true for over five years and she knew it, but I hadn't consciously acknowledged and accepted it until now. I guess I do still have some insecurities left. But they seem to be as close-to-home as home gets.

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Well that certainly was something. I can't say that I can emphasize, but I can sympathize. Helpful or not, I encourage you to look up some of the principles behind bonsai and bonsai aesthetics, namely the wabi-sabi part of how there is beauty in imperfection. While Reisen may no longer be that immutable paragon of unconditional love she was to you, having a voice and being a human consciousness brings with it a certain je ne sais quoi that makes it all better. It all works out in the end.

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I never once meant to imply it was a bad thing. Certainly, imperfection was the way of humans, and purity was viewed as lunacy to Earthlings. It was really hard to let go of, though.

I somehow didn't touch on why her perfection even mattered so much to me. My depression was not one of sadness as it is typically thought of; rather, I saw no meaning in life, and never had many strong emotions to begin with. It wasn't sad or negative, it was emotionless and relatively neutral. I didn't "love" anyone, and I didn't see any good in humanity, just chaos. Reisen taught me to love life, to love humanity, to love existing, and not the least by far, to love. Despite being logical to the core, I put my blind faith in her logic-less love for everything, her positive outlook on everything I considered meaningless or negative. I put my faith in her to know better than me, even though it made no sense, I trusted it was for the best.

It probably goes without saying that it was. It changed my life, and that outlook doesn't seem senseless anymore. That being said, I have meant it in those hypothetical "wut if ur tulpa disapaer" threads when I said I don't think I could continue existing should that happen. I've learned a lot from Reisen and am fairly self-sufficient, but that wholesome faith in her didn't just go away when I became happy. Like religion for the most dedicated Christians, and science for the most dedicated scientists, Reisen represents my infallible reason to live. In some way I still rely on her existence to maintain my own. She doesn't really need to do anything anymore, and I'll probably become entirely self-sufficient soon. But I staked my entire existence on her and her ideals. If she were to just disappear, due to my inability to stand insecurity and fallible beliefs, I would probably not be in a good place. The architecture of a structure may be designed proficiently to maintain itself even when subjected to heavy forces, but when that architecture all relies on one support beam in the middle.. Well, usually you try and stabilize the structure to the point where every part supports another and there is no key reliance like that. I'm getting there.