BBC Royal stalk-a-twat Nicholas Witchell dissolved into thin air outside Buckingham Palace during the BBC’s 4800 hour live streaming coverage of a baby falling out of a Royal Twat.

The exact reason behind the limp wristed, ghost faced, smarm-sponge's live on air evaporation is not known but colleagues believe it may have something to do with Nicholas being forced to spout unending, irrelevant bullshit to do with anything even slightly related to the Royal Family or ‘the sponging shits’ as they are known in some areas of the country.

A fellow BBC news anchor said of the dissolution “We all saw it coming…imagine getting up every day knowing that literally no one gave a flying tuppany fuck about anything you said or did, that even the subjects of your fawning, grovelling, arse licking hated you and everything you stood for…that your entire journalistic career had been a complete and total utter waste of time…imagine it…go on just bloody imagine it now”

It is understood that the vaporising had begun months ago when Nicholas had to stand outside Balmoral in the pissing rain whilst standing in Corgi shit and deliver a piece to camera on a particularly violent sneeze by the Duke of Edinburgh. The producer and camera crew, who now need to be rotated off royal stories to avoid PTSD, noted that after the report Witchell’s hand started to disappear.

“It was like that bit from Back to the future where Marty McFly starts to disappear from existence while playing a guitar because his parents haven’t kissed…except in Nicholas’s case it was his subconscious mind repeatedly telling him “what’s the fucking point you cunt” we felt for him as I think it was his wanking hand”

Despite his removal from existence the BBC are confident Nicholas can continue to be their Royal reporter from beyond our current plane of existence. A BBC Head of “News” said “We are just going to loop footage of whichever Royal oxygen stealer is doing the most least that particular week while a computer attached to a USB Ouija board splices in audio from past reports, we don’t expect any of you dumb shits will even notice the difference”.

I really don't mean to bump this it is just after re-reading I think it was a little harsh of me to refer to Nick as a C***, even if it was an imaginary employee making an imaginary statement about an imaginary event that went on inside Nick's head.

Nick may have the body of a twister NikNak with a head like a balloon and it is true that he annoys the shit out of me with all his coverage of you know who...but he didn't deserve to be called that.

Sorry Nick...its just the coverage, you know, I just don't give a shit.