kept by His grace one day at a time

Archive for July, 2011

I watched the tiny head crown and emerge from her depths. I stood transfixed. When she had asked me to be with her, I eagerly accepted. We had not spoken of the actual moment, or if she would rather I stand at her head or feet. But I could not tear my eyes away from that little wet head poised to enter the world. My heart was a mess.

I felt profoundly thankful for her choice to give life to her baby, yet I so desperately wanted to be the one giving birth to him. She had made an adoption plan and by God’s design, chosen my husband and me. The years of waiting on God to build our family had led us to this moment. One tenacious last push and amidst a swirl of fluid, there he was. Her gift. Our son.

My joy at his coming literally swept me off my feet. At last, at long last, a real flesh and blood baby filled my empty arms. I was at peace. I did not suspect that any hidden special needs slumbered beneath such exquisite beauty. For the alcohol and drugs she consumed had permeated the womb where he nestled. Lasting damage in his brain and nervous system had been wrought. It would be years before a formal diagnosis would come. Yet the unexpected world of special needs entered our life the day he was born.