Saturday, November 6, 2010

Nice one!

I stood in front of the counter, pointing to the cupcakes I wanted, as the cute blonde gal gathered them as requested. The aroma in the bakery was delicious, making it impossible not to buy something. As I paused, contemplating my next choice, I felt a curious tickle on my chin, followed by a small plop on my chest.

I looked down and saw a large red droplet soaking into my shirt. I looked back up at the girl, who stood quietly, watching me over the counter with a slight smile on her face. "Am I bleeding?" I asked. "Yes dad. AGAIN!" Jonah replied in an exasperated tone from my side. The bakery had several framed mirrors on the north wall, left of the counter. As I gazed at my reflection, sure enough, I noticed a large trail of blood running down from the puncture just below the lip, and dripping off my chin. 'Well those sutures are worthless,' I grunted to myself. 'And why is that girl so happy about it?'

Yes, I was privileged to spend all of my hard-saved HSA insurance money at an UrgentCare facility today. A little voice in my head reminds me, "That's what you get when you rush to meet the business end of a chain link fenced topped with coiled barbed-wire, biking at twenty miles an hour!" Hmph.

"Well aren't you the Clumsy One!" the attending physician who was to stitch me up sang out in a cheerful voice as I entered her domain. "Don't most bicyclists turn to avoid barbed-wire fences?" Ha ha. And the Utes are getting pummeled by TCU. Fan-freaking-tastic! A doctor who's a comedienne.

*Due to the graphic nature of these injuries, these photos have been heavily edited with bandages and sutures to protect the women, children, and innocent viewers.

Actually, all-in-all I was a very lucky on this crash. If it weren't for the barbwire and chain-link points, I would not have been injured much at all. As it is, my itemized list of injuries includes: a large contusion and scratch on anterior left thigh, two 4-inch scratches on anterior ribcage below left pec, one 3-inch scratch on left forearm, one quarter-inch puncture on left forearm, one 3x3-inch epidermis gash also on left forearm, a half-inch gash on chin, tiny puncture on left deltoid from the tetanus shot, one injured feel-bad and traumatized psyche due to sarcastic doctor. You know, that gash on my arm is a large enough pocket to carry a golf ball. Other than that, the only problems are the puntures on my chin and arm that won't stop bleeding.

The funniest part of the whole thing was the attending physician. She really wasn't sarcastic at all, and was quite humerous. Her biggest concern was the scarring, and she made certain to tell me in voluminous detail how she was stitching to reduce scarring. Of all the things I couldn't have cared about less. My biggest worry was making sure I received the tetanus shot.

I remember getting up from the crash, and taking inventory of my injuries and thinking that these were all superficial, notwithstanding the copious amounts of blood all over my chin, arm, clothes, and ground. I sat there musing, "This isn't so bad. If I wait until Monday to go to doctor, I'll save myself around $1500!" It was the whole tetanus thing that made me change my mind-that and the two-inch patch of exposed subcutaneous and muscle. I didn't even know about the chin until looking into the mirror and seeing a red goatee instead of the usual blond.

Well, enough belly-achin'! Following is some Halloween photos and stuff...