DRUSILLA: Oh. Such a hungry little kitty.
Meow.
You"ve been a starved one, haven"t you, my sweet Willy?
WILLIAM: I"ve got you to feast on now, pet. Is this your home?
DRUSILLA: Their home.
Ambassador to...something and his plump, lovely wife. Till their spirits flew away on fairy wings.
Psst. When Angelus took them for dinner.
WILLIAM: Angelus? Who the bloody hell"s Ang-?
DRUSILLA: Look what I made. It"s called Willy.

WILLIAM: William.
DRUSILLA: Where"s Darla? I want Darla to see William.
ANGELUS: Darla and I had a little spat. Her precious master sent for her. You know Darla. Master"s pet.

DRUSILLA: Oh. Poor Angelus.
ANGELUS: Ah, don"t fret, Dru. We"ll make up. Always do.
Mmm. Ow. After a little tit for tat. Shouldn"t let that spoil our fun here.
So, instead of just feeding off of this William... you went and turned him into one of us. Another rooster in the henhouse.
DRUSILLA: You"re not cross with me, are you?
ANGELUS: Cross?
Do you have any idea what it"s like having nothing but women as travel companions, night in and night out?

WILLIAM: Touch me again-
ANGELUS: Don"t mistake me. I do love the ladies. It"s just lately... I"ve been wondering...
what it"d be like...
to share the slaughter of innocents... with another man.
Don"t... don"t think that makes me some kind of a deviant, hmm?
Do you?
Au ah! I like this one! You and me, we"re gonna be the best of friends.
ANGEL: Get the hell away from me, Spike.
SPIKE: Would that I could, you big ape.
"Til then, why don"t you make us both happy and give me what I want?

ANGEL: You"re not getting an office.
SPIKE: You selfish sod. The rest of your lot get to go home to their nice and cozies. Me? I gotta nest in somebody else"s roost. It"s not bleeding right.

ANGEL: He"s not gone. He"s on a leave of absence.
SPIKE: Yeah, right. Boo-hoo. Thought he killed his bloody father.
Try staking your mother when she"s coming on to you!
HARMONY: Well... that explains a lot.
Spike.
SPIKE: Look, that was a long time ago. She wasn"t herself.
HARMONY: You got mail.
SPIKE: What?
HARMONY: It"s addressed to you, care of here.
SPIKE: Who the hell"d be sending post to a...
HARMONY: Ghost?
Doesn"t say. Kind of heavy. Here.
Oh. You want me to-
SPIKE: If you don"t mind.
Well, that was a slap and a tickle.
HARMONY: There"s nothing-
Morning, Wolfram and-aah!
SPIKE: Any more fireworks for me, I"ll be in here telling your boss what a miserable bastard-
Bugger! That hurt.
Hold on...

Opening credits.

SPIKE: Hey. I"m-
I can feel.
ANGEL: Hey. Stop touching me.
SPIKE: Mmm! I can-
ANGEL: Hey.
SPIKE: Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Oh, God. It"s bloody ambrosia.
Is this otter?
GUNN: Hey, what"s going-
SPIKE: I"m back, Charlie boy! That"s what"s going!
GUNN: He"s corporeal. When did this- I mean, how?
ANGEL: I don"t know. He just-
SPIKE: I got it. It must"ve been that box of flash I got in the mail.
ANGEL: You got-from who?
SPIKE: Don"t know, don"t care. But if you see him, give him a bloody kiss on the mouth for me.
ANGEL: Harmony, what is going on with the phones?
HARMONY: Nobody knows. It"s, like, all over the office.
And all there is is, "eee!" on the other end. Plus, now my computer"s freaking.
SPIKE: Harm.
HARMONY: Get off.
Ew.
SPIKE: That"s the idea.
I need to borrow your Gal Friday for a bit.
ANGEL: Permission denied.
SPIKE: I wasn"t asking.
HARMONY: My God!
Oh, my God. What? You think just "cause you"re all... solid now, that I"m gonna go-

WILLIAM: And then, when you leapt up right in the middle of the ceremony, grabbed the priest"s head, and squeezed it until it popped like...
ANGELUS: Rotted melon.
WILLIAM: Yes! Eyeballs dangling from the sockets, and you shouting, "Frankly, father, thine eyes offend me."

Bloody priceless. And beating the groom to death with his own arm, I mean, honestly, you"re a bloody killing marvel.
ANGELUS: Yeah. Have a drink.
WILLIAM: No, that"s your spoils, mate.
ANGELUS: I"ve had my fill. Go on, take her.

WILLIAM: Nah. I think I might go and find Drusilla. She"s prowling for street urchins in the east end. Make her happy if I joined her for a bit.

ANGELUS: She"s special, isn"t she? Our Drusilla.
WILLIAM: More than that. She brought me into this world. Where I was meant to be. It"s like... she"s my destiny.
ANGELUS: Yeah, she is a sweet plum. I mean, a bit dotty and brain-addled, but-

WILLIAM: She"s not- She"s just- It"s like she"s still got a bit of a child in her.
ANGELUS: Perhaps 2 or 3 by now.
Driver! Stop the coach!
Happy hunting. Go on. Just be home before sunrise.
SPIKE: You. We need your office. Get out.
MAN: What?! I don"t take orders from a gh-
Hey!
SPIKE: Come on, then.
MAN: You can"t-
Get your hands off-
SPIKE: Piss off!
MAN: You"re not gonna believe this, Jerry. I just got thrown out of my own office. That ghost pal of Mr. Goodfang, I guess he"s-

JERRY: Toner.
MAN: Jerry?!
JERRY: Nobody...replaces... the toner!
ANGEL: Kill "em. All of "em. The phones, the computers, shut "em down. Find out if we got some kind of bug in the system and who put it there.
GUNN: Figure we"re under some kind of attack again?
ANGEL: I don"t know what to figure yet.
FRED: Angel?
ANGEL: Oh, let me guess. The lab computers are on the fritz.
FRED: Well, yeah, but that"s just the tip of the fritzberg. The needles on our atmospheric gauges suddenly started spiking into red. Totally blew out the instruments.

FRED: Well, yeah. That"s what I thought at first, but I think it might be something else.

ANGEL: Never simple, is it?
He drank all my blood.
Harmony!
GUNN: She"s off having a nooner with Blondie Bear, remember?
FRED: She"s what?
GUNN: You know, "nooner." When you have sex in the middle of-
FRED: I know what a nooner is, Charles. You said she"s with Spike?
ANGEL: Uh, yeah. He"s corporeal again.
FRED: Corporeal?
GUNN: Yeah. He got something in the mail. Flash, bam, boom... he"s a solid citizen again.

FRED: Oh, my God why didn"t you call me?

ANGEL: I"m sorry. We just, you know, we"ve had our hands full dealing with the glitch in the office system... which just so happens to coincide with Spike being back, and I can"t believe I"m just getting that.

GUNN: You think whatever recorporealized Spike"s doing a number on the building?

FRED: Well, obviously they"re connected. Maybe when Spike"s matter was reintegrated into physical form, it had some sort of ripple effect on the immediate environment. Or, if those gauge readings are correct, it could be the start of something bigger, like-

ANGEL: Which is?
EVE: It"s a harbinger.
FRED: Harbinger?
EVE: Upshot is we"ve got trouble with a capital "T," and that rhymes with "P," and that stands for "prophecy." Shanshu. Maybe you"ve heard of it?
ANGEL: Oh, God. That again. Yeah, I"m familiar. So?
EVE: So it talks about a champion. A vampire with a soul who"ll play a pivotal role in the apocalypse.
For good or evil. Anybody"s guess. That part"s hazy.
FRED: I thought the Shanshu had to do with Angel becoming human again after-

EVE: I don"t think anything. All I can tell you is his very existence is disrupting the order of things.
ANGEL: No argument here.
GUNN: This doesn"t add up. There were already 2 souled vampires in the universe before Spike fried. Why is this happening now?
EVE: The keyword here is "champion." Spike gave his life to save the world. That gives him the cred. But when he died and became a ghost, case closed. Now that he"s back, all bets are off, kids.

ANGEL: Where are you going?
GUNN: To check on something.
FRED: You knew this would happen. All that time I was working on recorporealizing Spike, you never mentioned-

EVE: Hey, would"ve said something if I"d known, sweetie. My universe, too, you know. How"d you pull it off, by the way, bringing Spike back? You guys... did do it, right?

ANGEL: Something came in the mail for him.
EVE: The mail? Like the amulet.
ANGEL: Yeah. Never did find out who sent it.

LORNE: Yeah, well, then I see Mr. Considerate here, covered in blood, making mashed potatoes out of this fella. And before I could get to, "What"s wrong with this picture?" He clocks me right in the coconut.

SECURITY GUARD: Sir, we have 2 more attacks. One fatality.
ANGEL: OK, seal off the building. Nobody in or out till we know what we got here. Spell, virus, mass hysteria.

SECURITY GUARD: Yes, sir.
All channels, we have a code black. Affirmative. We are closing Pandora"s Box.

LORNE: Hey, say, fearless leader, uh, if you don"t mind, what do you say I, uh, nurse this bump with an ice pack while I barricade myself in my office, huh?

ANGEL: Your call. Hey, Lorne, do me a favor first. Stop by the lab and tell Fred I need to know the second she figures out what"s causing this.

LORNE: Yeah, gotcha.
EVE: Come on, Angel. You know what"s causing all this.
ANGEL: No, Eve. I don"t.
EVE: This is just the beginning. The fabric of reality is starting to unravel. For my money, it all comes down to you and-
ANGEL: Spike.
SPIKE: I don"t know what you"re putting in the water coolers around here, but your secretary just started crying blood and tried to rip me a few new ones.
ANGEL: Harmony?
SPIKE: Had to put her porch lights out. For the best. I"m sure you understand.

SPIKE: Our problem?
ANGEL: Eve"s got this theory.
EVE: Fact, Jack. There"s only supposed to be one candidate for the vampire with the soul hero part in the big show. Two of you, and the wheel of destiny starts to spin off its axis. That"s why everything and everyone is going mad.
SPIKE: Hold on a tick. You"re blaming this on us?
ANGEL: No, she"s blaming it on you.
EVE: This town might not be big enough for the both of you.
SPIKE: Well, screw this town, then. Screw this devil"s funhouse, Angel.
And screw you for good measure. I think I"ll take the new flesh and bones across the pond back to Europe.
EVE: Spike, by town, I mean this entire plane of existence.
You won"t solve this disequilibrium by leaving.
You might even make it worse.

GUNN: Let"s not make it worse. We don"t want worse. I just went to the white room to see what the big cat had to say.

EVE: Cat"s gone means the conduit"s gone means we"re alone in this. No contact with the senior partners. Just us and a big, gaping tear in the balance of the universe.

ANGEL: Spike... stay.
Please. Europe"ll still be there after we"ve worked this out.
GUNN: Maybe.
ANGEL: Probably.
SPIKE: How exactly are you gonna work this out, boss man? You tell me we"re making a tear in the galaxy or whatnot? You think you"re just gonna sew that back up?

EVE: If there was just some way to determine which one of you the prophecy"s really about, maybe-

ANGEL: I just read the Shanshu prophecy, and I"m telling you, there was nothing in it-

SPIKE: Hold on. You read the prophecy? The one you don"t believe in?
Uh, load of rubbish, you said? Well, isn"t that bloody interesting.
ANGEL: Spike?
GUNN: No offense, Angel. What we need is someone who"s an expert on the Shanshu scriptures.
ANGEL: Fine, but Wesley"s not here.
EVE: No, but his department is. Maybe somebody there can-
ANGEL: Do what? I"m telling you, I read the prophecy.
SIRK: You didn"t read the prophecy.
ANGEL: I didn"t?
SIRK: You read a translation of the prophecy.
It"s like comparing the King James Bible with the original Aramaic, the Hebrew. Much of the flavor, the subtlety of usage, the historical context has been stripped away.
Read the prophecy: you may as well have read a 12-year-old"s book report on the subject.
GUNN: I miss Wesley.
ANGEL: OK, Sirk. Point made. Listen, is there anything in the Shanshu that can help us with what"s going on?

SPIKE: Yeah. What"s it say about me?
SIRK: There is a newly translated group of verses which may perhaps prove relevant. "The root of the tree will split in 2. And each thing will seek nourishment from the buried river."
SPIKE: Sounds like a gardening tip.
SIRK: It"s metaphor. Please tell me I don"t have to explain metaphor to you people.

ANGEL: Sirk, the text.
SIRK: Ah. Here we are. "Storm unleashed. The balance will falter until the vampire with a soul drinks from the cup of perpetual torment."
ANGEL: More metaphor.
SIRK: No, that"s real.
EVE: So there"s a cup.
SPIKE: Perpetual torment? Just know that"s not gonna taste very good.
SIRK: "He will have the weight of worlds upon him, binding his limbs, grinding his bones to meal until he saves creation... or destroys it."

SPIKE: Uh...right. So, what"s in it for me?

SIRK: The vampire will have his past washed clean.
ANGEL: And live again in mortal form. Yeah, that part I know.
SPIKE: Yeah, I bet you do.
GUNN: So, Angel drinks from this cup. Our computers go back on line, phones stop ringing, and people quit turning into homicidal maniacs?
SPIKE: Who says it"s Angel supposed to take the swig? Who says it"s about him at all?
ANGEL: Aw, come on, Spike. You really think this is about you?
SPIKE: Oh, why the bloody hell not? Just "cause you-
EVE: Boys, let"s focus on the problem at hand. We don"t want to be wrong about this.

SIRK: There is no wrong. The drinking of the cup is predestined. That can"t be changed. Whoever drinks from it was meant to. When one is confirmed as the central figure of the prophecy, the universe should realign itself.

GUNN: So, this cup thing. Where is it? Does it say?
SIRK: It does offer some details, yes. Housed in the hidden city of Petra. Mm-hmm. Disappears during the crusades. Surfaces again at the Vatican. Vanishes in the third year of the inquisition. Then...yes. Interesting.

ANGEL: What?
SIRK: It"s in Nevada.
GUNN: Nevada?
SIRK: Death Valley, to be exact. "The earth will thrash and mark the appearance of the cup at the columns."
ANGEL: Columns? That sounds vaguely-

SIRK: "And the desert will swallow cup and house whole and-" this can only be loosely translated. "And the fat lady will sing no more."

ANGEL: Opera.
EVE: Opera?
ANGEL: The columns was an opera house in Death Valley. It was buried in an earthquake in "38. Made headlines in Los Angeles. That"s only a few hours away. I can get there and back before-

GUNN: Angel, we got a seriously major crisis going on here. Might not be the best time to go running after some mystical cup.

ANGEL: I really don"t have much of a choice. If it"s there, I"m just gonna have to accept that the prophecy"s real, and hope that it stops this madness. In the meantime, you"re in charge.
Keep this place quarantined till I get-
Where"s Spike?

ANGEL: You think this is a game? People are dying.
SPIKE: And one of us is going to stop it. Hey, what do you know? I vote for me.

ANGEL: There"s no voting. It"s a prophecy. And the Shanshu"s not about you, Spike.
SPIKE: Still can"t accept it, can you? Sad, really. All these years believing you"re the signified monkey, only to find out you"re just a big hunk of nobody cares.

ANGEL: I really wished you stayed a ghost.

SPIKE: But I didn"t, did I? Burned up saving the world, and now I"m back for real. Wonder why that is? Oh, wait. "Cause I"m the one, you git!

ANGEL: Spike, I don"t have time to-
SPIKE: What that? I"m losing you. You"re-
What do they call it?
Oh, right. Breaking up. You"re breaking up.
ANGEL: Spike, don"t-
SPIKE: Ponce.
ANGEL: Idiot.
GUNN: Yeah, I know she"s a vampire. Just shoot her up with some elephant tranqs and put her in some kind of restraints.
Uh...yeah. Whatever. That"s OK. Just, look get it done. Over and, you know, out.

EVE: Always something with this place, huh? I mean, ghost fights, id monsters, killer cyborgs. It"s a wonder with all the hijinks you people ever get any work done.

GUNN: Funny, you always seem to be around for the...hijinks.
EVE: Lucky, I guess.
GUNN: Yeah? And what else are you, Eve? Besides lucky.
EVE: Am I supposed to know what that-
GUNN: Playing like you"re just a fresh young thing from Santa Cruz who somehow winds up connected to the senior partners of Evil, Incorporated.

EVE: Never said I was from Santa Cruz. Just went to school there. And if we"re talking about being connected, Charles, you"re the guy that talks to the cat upstairs.
I think that makes you a lot more connected to this place than I"ll ever be. As far as the senior partners are concerned, I"m just a messenger.

GUNN: Right. And I"m just a mild-mannered attorney.
Don"t be fingerin" the robots.
SPIKE: Here we are, then. 2 vampire heroes... competing to wet our whistle with a drink of light, refreshing torment.

ANGEL: Is that what you think you are-a hero?
SPIKE: Saved the world, didn"t I?
ANGEL: Once. Talk to me after you"ve done it a couple more times.
SPIKE: Done talking, mate. Got a prophecy needs fulfilling.
Ta.
ANGEL: Spike!
Damn it!
WILLIAM: Well... looks like you haven"t had your fill of her after all-
DRUSILLA: The little children didn"t come out to play.
Did you miss me, pretty William?
ANGELUS: I"m sure he did, Dru. After all... you are his destiny.
DRUSILLA: Oh. That"s so sweet.
SPIKE: Thought it"d be a little less goldeny, what with the torment and all.

ANGEL: So... what do we do now?
SPIKE: What do ya think?
Come on! Let"s see how much soul you really got in there.
ANGEL: Spike, we don"t have time for this.
SPIKE: Keep your knickers dry, Sally. You"re not gonna last that long.
ANGEL: Fine. We"ll do it your way.

SPIKE: Ha ha ha ha! Oh, yeah. Look at you. Thinking you"re the big savior-fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms-but you still can"t lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?

ANGEL: Like you"re any different.
SPIKE: Well, that"s just it. I am. And you know it. You had a soul forced on you-as a curse. Make you suffer for all the horrible things you"d done. But me... I fought for my soul. Went through the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over, but I kept fighting. "Cause I knew it was the right thing to do.
It"s my destiny.

FRED: None. There is no common thread. Gender, age, position, psych profile, blood type, med history- there doesn"t seem to be any pattern to this thing. It seems like it could affect any of us.

EVE: Is there anything we can-
GUNN: Why are you answering her questions, Fred?
We don"t trust this bitch.
She"ll kill us all.
FRED: Gunn!
GUNN: What are you, huh?
FRED: Gunn, no!
GUNN: What"s really in there, huh? Huh?!
Well, heh, guess you gotta breathe. Good to know.
You liar! You think we don"t know that you"re behind this, that you"ve been playin" us?! What are you, huh? Show me! What are you-a monster?
Show me!
SPIKE: Used to hit a lot harder, gramps.

ANGEL: No, your head"s just gotten thicker.

SPIKE: You"re not gonna win this time.
Vampire with a soul. Nobody knows what side he"s gonna fight on... when the big show comes down. Except we already know what side you"re on, don"t we? Already made your choice. Traded in your cape and tights for a nice comfy chair at Wolfram & bloody Hart.

ANGEL: Little more complicated than that.
But you always were a bit simple... Willy.

WILLIAM: Don"t touch her!
ANGELUS: Little late for that, Willy. And I really don"t like it when you raise your voice to me.
DRUSILLA: William, don"t play such a sad tune.
Give us a kiss, then.
WILLIAM: Why did you...? You knew. You knew she was mine.
ANGELUS: Did I?
WILLIAM: You knew bloody well!
ANGELUS: Just don"t get it now, do you?
Well, you"re new... and a little dim. So let me explain to you how things are now. There"s no belonging or deserving anymore. You can take what you want, have what you want... but nothing is yours.
Not even her.

WILLIAM: You"re wrong. We"re forever, Drusilla and me.
DRUSILLA: Are we?
ANGELUS: Ah, still the poet now, aren"t we, Willy?
WILLIAM: William.
ANGELUS: Right. William. You know, you really should find a new name for yourself. It just doesn"t strike the right note of terror.
Tell you what... William. If you want her...
come and take her.
SPIKE: Come on, hero. Tell me more.
Teach me what it means.
And I"ll tell you why you can"t stand the bloody sight of me.
ANGEL: Tell it to your therapist.
SPIKE: "Cause every time you look at me...
you see all the dirty little things I"ve done,
all the lives I"ve taken...
because of you! Drusilla sired me...
but you... you made me a monster.

ANGEL: I didn"t make you, Spike. I just opened up the door...
and let the real you out.
SPIKE: You never knew the real me.
Too busy trying to see your own reflection... praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I"m nothing like you!

ANGEL: No. You"re less. That"s why Buffy never really loved you: Because you weren"t me.
SPIKE: Guess that means she was thinking about you... all those times I was puttin" it to her.
ANGEL: All right...
let"s finish this.
FRED: Take small sips. It"s gonna hurt to swallow for a while.
You"re gonna be OK, just-
EVE: You don"t have to pretend to care.

FRED: What?
EVE: Oh, come on, Fred.
I know what you think of me. What you all...
FRED: Look, what Charles said, about us thinking you"re behind... you know, everything. He was under the effects-
Eve.
EVE: I am not the bad guy.
ANGEL: How"s it feel?
SPIKE: You tell me.
Probably should"ve dusted you.
But honestly... I don"t want to hear her bitch about it.
ANGEL: Spike, wait.
Wait.
That"s not a prize you"re holding.
It"s not a trophy. It"s a burden. It"s a cross.
One you"re gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know.
So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?

ANGEL: It"s still going on?
FRED: And getting worse. What about the cup? Did you...
ANGEL: Ah, it was a fake. Somebody set us up.
FRED: What? Who?
ANGEL: I don"t know. Sirk was the one who sent us there. Maybe he"s-
SPIKE: Gone. Cleaned out his office and pulled a puff of smoke.
FRED: Stairs, huh?
ANGEL: All right. Sirk"s gone. The cup"s a fake, but the madness is real. So what are we gonna do about it?
GUNN: I say we start by untying the brother.

FRED: Charles.
HARMONY: Am I in trouble?
GUNN: Hey. What the hell happened?
EVE: Senior partners stepped in. Apparently they were working on the problem since it started. They managed to temporarily stabilize the universal equilibrium.
ANGEL: Temporarily? For how long? What about Sirk and this fantasy he fed us about the cup?
EVE: Partners don"t know a thing about it. They"re as angry as you.
ANGEL: Really doubt that.
EVE: Don"t worry, Angel. Sirk can"t hide for long. We"ll bring him in, find out who put him up to it. Now, if you"ll excuse me, I have to go home and ice my neck.

GUNN: Any more days like today, and there won"t be another day.
SPIKE: Yeah, well... meantime...
this souled ex-ghost vampire"s got some corporeal drinking to catch up on. What do ya say, Charlie-boy? Feel like gettin" pissed?

GUNN: No. No, my head feels like it"s gonna split open and toss my toys and candy all over the floor.
SPIKE: You"re way ahead of me. Fair enough.
ANGEL: Maybe you should have Fred check you out.
GUNN: Nah, she"ll just wanna strap me down again. You OK?
ANGEL: I don"t know. He beat me, Gunn.
GUNN: Who, Spike? Looks to me like he got as good as he-
ANGEL: No. He beat me to the cup.
GUNN: You mean the fake cup? The make-believe, fairy-tale cup? So what?!
ANGEL: No, you don"t...
He won the fight, Gunn... for the first time. Doesn"t matter if the cup is real or not.
In the end, he... Spike was stronger. He wanted it more.
GUNN: Angel, it doesn"t mean anything.
ANGEL: What if it does? What if it means that... I"m not the one?
EVE: You know, funny thing about throwing the universe out of whack... not as fun as it sounds.
On the plus side, they totally fell for the cup of torment thing. Just like you thought they would.
And our Mr. Sirk pulled off his vanishing act without a hitch. Right under the senior partners" noses.
And you might be happy to know... Team Angel is on red alert.
Could be they think the partners just fired a warning shot across their bow.
Oh, and, by the way, Spike didn"t kill Angel, but they did beat each other to bloody pulps.