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Are Affairs Really About Sex?

Many Betrayed Spouses have a tendency to blame men as a gender for infidelity, or that cheating is mostly about sexual opportunity. In fact — these are myths! The reasons for affairs are, in actuality, largely the the same for women and men – EMOTIONAL DISTANCE IN THE MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP. The following is a reprint of information about this question: Are affairs usually about sex?

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“A survey of counseling professionals sheds dramatic, new light on infidelity. Surprisingly, it’s not about the sex. Instead, emotional dissatisfaction is the number-one reason both men and women cheat, according to these experts, while sexual dissatisfaction comes in second. Only 8% of respondents say men are “hard-wired” to “spread their seed.”

It may sound surprising, but many men are really looking for someone to connect with, to be their best friend and their intimate partner, and when they lose that connection in their marriage, they may look elsewhere.

Meanwhile, Dr. Susan Heitler adds, “While there are many factors that can lead to an extramarital sexual encounter, emotional distance is one that couples can prevent. If there’s been distress, dissension or too much distance, take a marriage ed class to learn how to stay more comfortably connected.”

While nearly 50% agree that technology is a catalyst for cheating, only 7% indicate that Facebook has increased the number of affairs significantly. 90% say that dating sites like Match.com just provide the opportunity; if someone wants to cheat, he/she will find a way regardless of the sites or services available.

The top two measures to prevent cheating are: (1) for both partners to feel valued and important to each other and (2) to have good communication. Satisfying sex clocked in third.

“This data is consistent with our previous research that underscores the real problem for most couples is less about sex and more about feeling valued and communicating successfully,” states Andrea Miller, CEO and Founder of YourTango. “And while 50% of affairs play out sexually, emotional affairs constitute the betrayal a whopping 40% of the time. It’s the lack of closeness that overwhelmingly leads to cheating and discord.”

Thankfully, there’s hope for the unfaithful. 81% disagree with the adage “once a cheater, always a cheater.” YourTango Expert Dr. Shoshanna Bennett explains this result saying, “Sometimes certain factors collide in one’s life which may lead to cheating. Once those circumstances are handled or worked through (usually regarding the primary relationship), the temptation to cheat frequently disappears, never to return again.”