Author
Topic: Potluck Etiquette Opinions? (Read 17711 times)

It's not about discrimination, even though you are trying your best to make it out to be.

You're able bodied. You're an adult. You're able to serve yourself and move on without assistance. This system is to make sure that those needing and providing the assistance can do so without being trampled or having to wait in line for a long time (in cases where they can't stand for long or carry young children long).

It's not about you being single and it's ridiculous to make it about that. You're able to walk up to the table and serve yourself without help. If you want a particular dish, it's best you make it for yourself. It's a potluck, not a buffet. There's never going to be enough for everyone and if you're holding out for the "best" you're going to be disappointed every time.

And as someone pointed out up thread, those needing assistance can just as easily go at the end - or have their helpers go through with everyone else. But the "these are going to go first and you get to go last always" is wrong and hurtful. If you don't see why it would be - then why is it not acceptable for those needing assistance to go last?

It's not about discrimination, even though you are trying your best to make it out to be.

You're able bodied. You're an adult. You're able to serve yourself and move on without assistance. This system is to make sure that those needing and providing the assistance can do so without being trampled or having to wait in line for a long time (in cases where they can't stand for long or carry young children long).

It's not about you being single and it's ridiculous to make it about that. You're able to walk up to the table and serve yourself without help. If you want a particular dish, it's best you make it for yourself. It's a potluck, not a buffet. There's never going to be enough for everyone and if you're holding out for the "best" you're going to be disappointed every time.

And as someone pointed out up thread, those needing assistance can just as easily go at the end - or have their helpers go through with everyone else. But the "these are going to go first and you get to go last always" is wrong and hurtful. If you don't see why it would be - then why is it not acceptable for those needing assistance to go last?

Because there are more important things than making sure you get a full plate of the best food at the potluck?

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

How incredibly condescending. In other words "It's ok for you to be discriminated against...but don't worry there will be enough of the stuff others don't want for you to eat." If organizations expect people to bring more than their share ( and singles usually end up doing this at pot lucks ) then they need to treat us fairly - and not relegate us to the leftovers that others did not want.

I don't understand what is condescending about their post and I don't see any discrimination by letting elderly and people with children go first. you do seem to think that is is some huge slight against families, but I don't think that it what it is was a way to make use that Everyone got something, if the elderly had to wait until after the teens and children I truly think that there would have been very little left for them and if they need assistance with food them the people that would able to help them would probably be eating and wouldn't want to let their food get cold. I also doubt you want a bunch of children milling around while you are trying to get your food and walk back to the table.

It's not about discrimination, even though you are trying your best to make it out to be.

You're able bodied. You're an adult. You're able to serve yourself and move on without assistance. This system is to make sure that those needing and providing the assistance can do so without being trampled or having to wait in line for a long time (in cases where they can't stand for long or carry young children long).

It's not about you being single and it's ridiculous to make it about that. You're able to walk up to the table and serve yourself without help. If you want a particular dish, it's best you make it for yourself. It's a potluck, not a buffet. There's never going to be enough for everyone and if you're holding out for the "best" you're going to be disappointed every time.

And as someone pointed out up thread, those needing assistance can just as easily go at the end - or have their helpers go through with everyone else. But the "these are going to go first and you get to go last always" is wrong and hurtful. If you don't see why it would be - then why is it not acceptable for those needing assistance to go last?

Because there are more important things than making sure you get a full plate of the best food at the potluck?

The same can be said for every group there, but it seems only one group is asked to be continually last and judged mean spirited if they say "enough and no more of the favoritism. Engage in it with out my help."

Because it's gracious to let those not as able as you go first. It shows empathy and humanity to acknowledge that they have it harder than you at this point and they need some support and assistance. It's supporting someone who needs it, not putting them above people on this imaginary human hierarchy of disabled vs. single people. If it's more important that you get the "best" stuff than show compassion for your fellow man who aren't as able as you, well - that really says a lot.

It's a potluck. Unless it's the last potluck before the Apocalypse, I promise you it won't be the last time you go to one. It's called a pot luck because you never know what you're going to get. If there's never enough food, that's one thing, but the idea that all the "best" things are taken by the disabled, elderly and children when they get to go in line ahead of you is eye-roll worthy.

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

How incredibly condescending. In other words "It's ok for you to be discriminated against...but don't worry there will be enough of the stuff others don't want for you to eat." If organizations expect people to bring more than their share ( and singles usually end up doing this at pot lucks ) then they need to treat us fairly - and not relegate us to the leftovers that others did not want.

I don't understand what is condescending about their post and I don't see any discrimination by letting elderly and people with children go first. you do seem to think that is is some huge slight against families, but I don't think that it what it is was a way to make use that Everyone got something, if the elderly had to wait until after the teens and children I truly think that there would have been very little left for them and if they need assistance with food them the people that would able to help them would probably be eating and wouldn't want to let their food get cold. I also doubt you want a bunch of children milling around while you are trying to get your food and walk back to the table.

But it's ok for those with out young kids or elderly folks to always have that "very little left" that you mention, all the time? There is a limited amount of everything. Everyone contributed - some more than other proportionately- everyone therefor should have the same chances at first,last, and middle.

It's not about discrimination, even though you are trying your best to make it out to be.

You're able bodied. You're an adult. You're able to serve yourself and move on without assistance. This system is to make sure that those needing and providing the assistance can do so without being trampled or having to wait in line for a long time (in cases where they can't stand for long or carry young children long).

It's not about you being single and it's ridiculous to make it about that. You're able to walk up to the table and serve yourself without help. If you want a particular dish, it's best you make it for yourself. It's a potluck, not a buffet. There's never going to be enough for everyone and if you're holding out for the "best" you're going to be disappointed every time.

And as someone pointed out up thread, those needing assistance can just as easily go at the end - or have their helpers go through with everyone else. But the "these are going to go first and you get to go last always" is wrong and hurtful. If you don't see why it would be - then why is it not acceptable for those needing assistance to go last?

Because there are more important things than making sure you get a full plate of the best food at the potluck?

The same can be said for every group there, but it seems only one group is asked to be continually last and judged mean spirited if they say "enough and no more of the favoritism. Engage in it with out my help."

'Only one group' being the non-disabled and the people without small children. You realize that's the vast majority, right?

Quote

"enough and no more of the favoritism. Engage in it with out my help."

We were and are talking about a church potluck. I don't think the above quote would find much place there.

But it's ok for those with out young kids or elderly folks to always have that "very little left" that you mention, all the time? There is a limited amount of everything. Everyone contributed - some more than other proportionately- everyone therefor should have the same chances at first,last, and middle.

If there's very little left all the time, the problem is with the AMOUNT of contributions, not who got to go first.

Because it's gracious to let those not as able as you go first. It shows empathy and humanity to acknowledge that they have it harder than you at this point and they need some support and assistance. It's supporting someone who needs it, not putting them above people on this imaginary human hierarchy of disabled vs. single people. If it's more important that you get the "best" stuff than show compassion for your fellow man who aren't as able as you, well - that really says a lot.

It's a potluck. Unless it's the last potluck before the Apocalypse, I promise you it won't be the last time you go to one. It's called a pot luck because you never know what you're going to get. If there's never enough food, that's one thing, but the idea that all the "best" things are taken by the disabled, elderly and children when they get to go in line ahead of you is eye-roll worthy.

But it's ok for those with out young kids or elderly folks to always have that "very little left" that you mention, all the time?

But really, how often does that happen? Young kids and elderly folk generally don't eat all that much, not to the point where there'd be slim pickings by the time you got to the table. And there's really not a whole lot of them in comparison to the non-elderly/disabled people without young kids. So if you let the non-elderly/disabled people go first, then it's likely that the families with young kids and the elderly won't get much. But the reverse does not hold true. Just because A -> B does not mean that B -> A.

If there's an issue with a particularly popular dish *always* being gone by the time you get to the table, then you can always talk to the potluck directors about only setting out some of the dish immediately, waiting until the first wave of people have gone through, and then putting out the rest of it. Not all of the food has to be set out on the table all at once.

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

How incredibly condescending. In other words "It's ok for you to be discriminated against...but don't worry there will be enough of the stuff others don't want for you to eat." If organizations expect people to bring more than their share ( and singles usually end up doing this at pot lucks ) then they need to treat us fairly - and not relegate us to the leftovers that others did not want.

I don't understand what is condescending about their post and I don't see any discrimination by letting elderly and people with children go first. you do seem to think that is is some huge slight against families, but I don't think that it what it is was a way to make use that Everyone got something, if the elderly had to wait until after the teens and children I truly think that there would have been very little left for them and if they need assistance with food them the people that would able to help them would probably be eating and wouldn't want to let their food get cold. I also doubt you want a bunch of children milling around while you are trying to get your food and walk back to the table.

But it's ok for those with out young kids or elderly folks to always have that "very little left" that you mention, all the time? There is a limited amount of everything. Everyone contributed - some more than other proportionately- everyone therefor should have the same chances at first,last, and middle.

Unless there was a huge number of elderly and children then I do think that the would be a significant amount of difference in the amount left over with the children and elderly going through versus everyone else going through first .

But it's ok for those with out young kids or elderly folks to always have that "very little left" that you mention, all the time? There is a limited amount of everything. Everyone contributed - some more than other proportionately- everyone therefor should have the same chances at first,last, and middle.

If there's very little left all the time, the problem is with the AMOUNT of contributions, not who got to go first.

same could be said in the reverse - if the teen go first and there is not enough left for the elderly - then the problem is the AMOUNT not who got to go first.

Because it's gracious to let those not as able as you go first. It shows empathy and humanity to acknowledge that they have it harder than you at this point and they need some support and assistance. It's supporting someone who needs it, not putting them above people on this imaginary human hierarchy of disabled vs. single people. If it's more important that you get the "best" stuff than show compassion for your fellow man who aren't as able as you, well - that really says a lot.

It's a potluck. Unless it's the last potluck before the Apocalypse, I promise you it won't be the last time you go to one. It's called a pot luck because you never know what you're going to get. If there's never enough food, that's one thing, but the idea that all the "best" things are taken by the disabled, elderly and children when they get to go in line ahead of you is eye-roll worthy.

Beautifully put, Goosey.

Thanks

(P.S. Your snake looks very fine in a top hat and monocle. Perhaps he would like to join my goose for tea sometime? )

But isn't that just as true for everyone? How are those things more true for some people at the potluck than others? And if the food will be cold if the caregivers are last to get through the line, isn't that also true if able bodied adults are last?