Monday, September 6, 2010

Needing some Mommy Advice

Last night Mark and I watched Home Alone 2, Lost in New York. NYC is one of our most favorite places to visit so we always enjoy watching movies filmed there, even the ones we've seen a gazillion times.

I also love Christmas and can watch a holiday movie any time of the year. (I still have a Christmas CD in my CD changer from like 3 years ago that I listened to last week. Guess I'm trying to get geared up, because ready or not, we are on the brink of the most wonderful time of the year. Love it.)

Anyway, the mom in me has been struggling a little bit lately. I NEVER thought I was going to be one of those who would be broken hearted, upset or even cry when my kids left the nest but seeing as they are on the brink of adulthood, this reality is becoming very real.

At the end of the movie last night, Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) and all his brothers, sisters and cousins wake up in their posh Plaza Hotel suite and run into the living room to find presents mysteriously placed under their tree.

The mushy gushy side of me quickly rehearsed the past 19 years of waking up my husband and kids to the magic of Christmas morning. Then, once again, reality brought me back to the fact that before long, my kids will have families of their own to share the magic with.

Yes it will be a few more years (at least I hope). But it will happen one day (at least I hope, *grin*).

So, seeing as I am nearing this new phase of motherhood (aka, letting-go-hood), I am looking for some great advice.

To any moms out there that have made it through this transition, PLEASE help this mother out. How have you gracefully let go, moved on, cut the apron string, or whatever it is we are supposed to do?

Thanks to my hubs for drawing the name out of the hat for our little give-a-way from this past weekend. And the winner is... Melanie!!

This was her comment:

I love my husband now more than ever...even in the early days of love. Having watched him so tenderly care for our youngest son, Andrew (12), while going through brain cancer, I fell in love with my man all over again.

Our son is in Heaven now and I often think how no one loves our children like WE do...and even God has the capacity to love them more.

A shared love...a shared "mission" often draws husband and wife together in a way they may have never known.

Melanie, please send me your mailing address to tina@ccalachua.com and I will get it to you asap. And thank you for your comment. It is so true that when a husband and wife are working together toward a common goal, it not only brings the end result closer, it brings the couple closer too. Blessings to you and your family.

I pray you all have a great Labor Day and moms don't forget to leave your comments for me.

4 comments:

Great read, and congrats to the winner. But for your question I have no answers, do to Kendra is gone and it seems to me that I am always asking her the question when are you coming home to visit. Right now she is in Orlando then in June 2011 she will be in New York and then from there it is off to Spain in July. So me trying to spend all the time with her is hard when she does not do what I wont her to do. I am very proud of her but I was just thinking if Spain can hold me and her together. I do not know if my husband will let me go (then again for him toget rest he may tell me to go LOL). As for me this does not get any better, but God raised her and her brother and I just pray everynight that him and her would make the best with what God has given them. And for them to be happy, I never had a childhood and I would have loved to live the life that God has blessed Kendra with now. But I am very grateful that he has bless my kids to live and see this great big world that he has given us. And I just pray that I get alot of face time with them. I have talked to much once again Have a God fulled day my sister love ya Monique

Not an expert on how to cope with the "empty nest" syndrome, but here goes......

All of my sons left the "nest" before I felt I had finished raising them.....we do the best we can to instill God and His word in them then embrace the fact that it's God's Plan for "birds" to leave the nest.

Instead of losing sons, I gained daughters and wonderful grandchildren.....my home was fuller than before and I loved it.....

Well, my experience is that I still miss those days when my boys were with me, but luckily the transition comes slowly, like being pregnant- you have a while to get used to the change. I had to keep reminding myself that it is God's plan and nature's design for children to separate from their parents. (We wouldn't want them to be 40 and still living with us, after all.) That is their task from the moment they are born; to gain independence and go out into life to fulfill God's plan for them. We are blessed enough to be the ones chosen to provide a firm foundation in order for them to do that. I think that God instills in us more hopes and dreams and brings us to a different place of usefulness in life. It was difficult for a while there to figure out my place in the world, as I defined myself by my motherhood and children for so long. I believe that God has a plan for us in this time of life....I know that for Bobby and me, it is time for us to step into some other things that God has led us to. It has taken away some of the "sting" of letting go....made it bearable. I believe that God has put some things in your life for you to nurture- your "new babies", so to speak. It doesn't mean that letting go won't hurt, but there is also something else to turn our attention to as we go through the process. I also continually remind myself how very blessed I was to have my boys, and those particular boys. I told them once that if I hadn't been their mom, I probably never would have met them. I like them so much that it would have been a shame not to have been able to spend time with them.Melanie, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your loss. I am glad that you have been comforted in it, and that you and your husband have come to a closer relationship with each other. God bless you, Melanie, and you as well, Tina! You will get through this. (It was not always graceful for me...I would burst into tears at a song on the radio or something, but I'm better now. You will be, too!)

First of all this is the first time I have taken the time to read, Wow I have been missing a lot! Totally enjoy this. Well I have seen one leave the nest, and as my children are 12 years apart I am about to see the next. We can cry together :) I agree whole heartedly with Lori. It is what God had planned and it is so very rewarding to know you have poured your heart, His heart and a whole lot of time into your children and it comes out okay. I had a very different experience with my son, he left at age 16 and angry. He made very poor decisions and I blamed myself. I have since learned that it was his responsibility and recognized that I had done my best. He knows I never stopped loving him and never will. I know God is faithful and what was placed in him will not return to me void, that His Spirit is crying out to him all the time. This is what you don't want to (and won't have to) experience. What I learned...that is while I have my next one, my daughter, that I will love and cherish EVERY moment with her. That I will patiently teach and gently push her to stand on her own.That I will try to point out times when she needs to evaluate her choices and through it all trust God as I always have. What am I going to do?? Stay busy!! I want to always have time for Allie, yet I want her to have to set time with me, not just be available at the drop of a hat. The transition mostly does come slowly and for that I am glad, but as I have watched friends send theirs off to school and mourned the passing of the childhood, there is a richer, deeper, different relationship just beginning. It is something I have determined to get excited about, determined to appreciate. God has blessed this portion of our lives and He will bring the next phase in and bless it as well. I will ask Him daily for wisdom...mainly to keep my mouth shut when I need to :) and for peace and comfort. Fortunately I have a great church family and some new friends to cry with...but all in all, I'm excited to see her step out and succeed like I always knew she would. New adventures, new blessings, new beginnings...without the morning sickness.