Archive for the ‘death’ Category

People have been enjoying the sweet nectar of pork we all afftectionately refer to as bacon on a overly indulgent basis for a long, long time.

Forget the dead rising up to walk amongst us and gnaw on our fleshy parts.

This story might be the first sign that something much more sinister is taking place on farms around the country…

A pig uprising.

On a small farm in Oregon, police have reportedly found the false teeth and a few remains of farmer 69 year-old Terry Vance Garner in the pen where he keeps his pigs.

According to Garner’s old brother, Michael, one of the pigs had apparently bitten Terry last year when he accidentally stepped on a piglet. While no one’s sure what exactly took place the horrific and creepy fact is that a bunch of pigs ate a farmer and had no problem with the taste of man-meat.

District Attorney Paul Frasier told local papers and news media:

“For all we know, it was a horrific accident, but it’s so doggone weird that we have to look at all possibilities.”

Yosemite. The word conjures up postcards and beautiful nature photography.

Not anymore.

It’s beginning to conjure up bad horror movie dealing with parasites and viruses.

That’s right, kids…

Yosemite’s hiding something creepy.

Health officials have made an announcement to 22,000 nature lovers that they may have been exposed to something called the Hantavirus.

A park-goer infected with the Hantavirus in July died just last week.

While investigators believed that only a small area in the Curry Village section of Yosemite had been affected, an eighth person infected with the virus spurred health officials into warning visitors of the problem.

Since 1993 only 602 cases of the deadly Hantavirus have been reported. But out of those 602 cases? 216 of those infected have died.

The CDC lists the symptoms of the virus which appears similar to the flu…

Fatigue, fever and muscle aches, especially in the large muscle groups — thighs, hips, back and sometimes shoulders … There may also be headaches, dizziness, chills and abdominal problems, such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and abdominal pain.

Within a week your lungs begin to fill with liquid and it’s practically guaranteed that it’s game over, man.

The transmission of the disease is rare and is typically transmitted by being in contact with infected mice feces or urine.

We’re suggesting that when you’re in the area, you hit a battered gas station, snag a postcard from one of those squeaky, spinning racks and just keep driving past all the fun that those nature-loving hikers are probably experiencing (yes…that’s sarcasm).

Because death and urns with your loved one’s ashes aren’t surrounded by enough creepy stories, a fun company called Cremation Solutions has decided to knock the creep factor over the wall. How?

By using a 3D printer to create an amazingly creepy look-alike head of your loved one that contains said loved ones ashes.

No…really…This isn’t a fun, faux site put up as a joke. This is legit, kids. You can now sit home and stare lovingly at the lifeless eyes of a remains-stuffed replica head of your loved one. These things make great conversation pieces too!

Guest: “That’s interesting. Are you into cosmetology?”

You: “No. That’s my ex-wife.”

Fun, right?

Before you get excited and click that Paypal button, there are some things to consider. The head doesn’t come with hair. It can either be added digitally (we’re not really sure what that means…but we’re guessing it’ll end up a lot like putting hair on those little Lego figures) or you can purchase a wig. We’re also not sure about the following line:

The full sized personal urn can hold all the ashes of an adult. For holding just a portion of the ashes, we recommend the keepsake sized personal urns.

Does that mean mini versions of your loved ones are available? We’re not sure.

Black Plague. Wiped out over a third of Europe back in the day. Everyone’s happy it’s gone and we’ve all moved on to live happy lives without any more talk of this contagion nick-named ‘Black Death’…or have we?

About a week ago, in Oregon, a good samaritan to mice attempted to rescue one such rodent from the jaws of a cat instead of just leaving the food chain unbroken. Guess what he got for breaking the rules?

The Black Plague.

It’s still out there lurking around just biding its time. Apparently it turns out that people still get the plague more than you think. One of the most feared contagions in history still affects between 1,000 and 3,000 people EVERY YEAR..WORLD-WIDE!

‘The Plague’ still hangs out in fleas and rodents where it just waits to get into your system when said animals decide to taste-test your precious skin.

Symptoms sound ridiculously enjoyable…chills, delirium, rotting flesh, broken blood vessels, meningitis, respiratory failure, coma, oh…and death. According to even more fun stats on the plague, only 1 out of 7 people afflicted with it end fatally.

Currently our ‘patient zero’ from Oregon is listed in critical condition with an 86% chance of being able to get back to normal.

A Colorado woman lied to her employer when she told them she needed time off because her brother recently died. An icky, if not uncommon, crime. But she went too far when she tried to pad the fib but publishing an obituary in the local newspaper.

Needless to say her brother, who is very much alive, was shocked to hear the news. His wife talked to the local television station about the mess.

“She (explained to work that she) had a family emergency that turned into a death that she needed time off,” said Erica. “She had missed a lot of days of work and that was her way to get out of it.”

Edgar is recovering from surgery and wasn’t able to talk about the situation, but Erica agreed to an interview and read a section of the obit to CBS4: Edgar Balderrama, 28, of Greeley, died on January 23rd, 2012. Edward was a real hard worker. He had a great sense of humor and would make everybody laugh.

The lesson? Only lie about the deaths of relatives who are already dead.

You’ve had a long life. It’s time to check out. It’s a peaceful time and you know it’s about to come to a quiet conclusion. Everything’s cool and right. You hear a calming voice, “Don’t be afraid. I am here to comfort you.” You sigh.

“I am sorry your family and friends can not be here for you right now.”

Created by artist Dan Chen as part of an installation called ‘Last Moment Hospitable’, the ‘Last Moment Robot’ was inspired by Paro – a robotic seal used to comfort people suffering from Dementia. Chen’s goal was to test the idea of replacing human intimacy on an extreme level.

A “doctor” greets the visitors where they’re guided to lie on a table where the robot’s squeaky padded arm begins caressing their outstretched arms.

The robot keeps caressing through its recorded script.

“Your family and friends love you very much. They will remember you after you are gone.”

The caressing continues quietly for several moments until the robot speaks again…

No really…how many of you have been shopping the tool sections of your local hardware stores or hitting up your local big box store for supplies to combat the impending undead parade across the face of the earth?

We’re right there with you.

Just when you thought random face-eating attacks were creepy, a report comes in from Belem, Brazil about a deceased toddler that may have come back to life.

Two-year-old Kelvin Santos had been declared dead at Aberlardo Santos Hospital after pneumonia took him.

An open casket funeral was arranged so that family members could pay their last respects. About an hour before the service Kelvin, sat up, asked his father for a drink of water, then just as quickly as he sat up, he laid back down and went back to being…deceased?

Kelvin’s father Antonio Santos is demanding answers from the hospital and believes that malpractice is to blame for the strange incident.

Automata have been around for a couple of centuries now. Most of the time they’re enjoyably amazing pieces of craftsmanship that cause people to smile.

There’s been a chess-playing automata, an acrobatic automata that does a trapeze act and even animals have been featured as these intricate works of what seems like robotic art.

Then there’s this.

A coin operated bank automata that features a scene guaranteed to wipe whatever smile you had after watching that whimsical tail-wagging, ball-carrying puppy right off your face.

The auction site has the following description for this fun piece of whimsy:“St. Dennistoun Mortuary” Coin-Operated Automaton, attributed to Leonard Lee, c. 1900, the mahogany cabinet and glazed viewing area displays a Greek Revival mortuary building with double doors and grieving mourners out front, when a coin is inserted, doors open and the room is lighted revealing four morticians and four poor souls on embalming tables, the morticians move as if busily at work on their grisly task and mourners standing outside bob their heads as if sobbing in grief…”

Expected to sell for between $4.000-$6,000, this uniquely strange piece of work blew the lid off that price and ended up as a fun conversation piece for the sum of $13,035!

That’s the excuse for a man claiming to be Zulu folk singer Mgqumeni, who died and was buried in 2009 on why he hasn’t be around. The would-be Mgqumeni says he’d spent the intervening years amongst the undead before freeing himself and returning to the world of the living.

The man claiming to be the resurrected artist, told The Times newspaper: “I have been suffering a lot at the place where I was kept with zombies. It was hell there and I am so grateful that I was able to free myself and return to my family and you, my supporters.”

The man has now been brought to a local court and authorities could exhume Mgqumeni’s remains to test them against his alleged incarnate. They are going to test his DNA against Mgqumeni’s and have warned him that he will be charged with fraud should they not match up.

Upon hearing of his return, many of the singers fans have flocked to see their possibly resurrected idol. Above is a picture of Mgquemi now after surviving the afterlife and below is a picture before.

A trip to the South Pole is not easy. Specifically not in 1912 when British explorer Robert Falcon Scott and his intrepid crew are trying to become the first explorers to make it there. Only after an arduous two and half month slog bringing them through inhuman frigid temperatures and grueling mountain passages did they finally get confirmation on their place in history.

100 years ago today they found out they were second.

“The worst has happened, or nearly the worst,” Scott wrote in his diary that evening.

They had been beaten. The party saw unmistakable evidence that Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen had been there already — the remains of a camp, and a black flag whipping in the frigid wind. “It is a terrible disappointment, and I am very sorry for my loyal companions,” Scott wrote.

Still they drudged on, wanting to complete their journey even if it was sloppy seconds. When the reached their goal, they turned around, beginning the desperate trek home.

Then things got even worse. They died.

In spite of the desperate struggle that followed, the men never made it home, yet the tale of their horrible journey survives in Scott’s own words. His frozen body was found in November 1912, his diary nearby. The last entry was in late March.

Rescuers who found the bodies buried their tents and let the corpses lay in the snow.

That was the challenge for one biologist who discovered that this plant, Philcoxia, was indeed consuming worms.

Yet it doesn’t seem to have any orifices to trap the organisms, or lures to bring the creepy crawlies out of the dirt to their doom. No, the Philcoxia does things the easy way. It grows sticky leaves under the ground to trap the wrigglers and slowly digests them.

Yummy.

The picture below shows a close-up of the worms trapped underground in the leaves.

When a someone truly great dies, everyone talks about how it relates to them. A testimony. As if to say, you could discount everything else about them, but I know my life was changed and here is how.

You will see many, many people write about the brilliant Christopher Hitchens today. They will all be honest testaments by friends, and enemies, he made in his all too brief 62 years.

I only have two anecdotes, both from the same dinner at a since demolished Ruby Tuesdays in the Stardust Casino on January 16th, 2005. Both, to my delight, involved alcohol. For me, watching Hitchens drolly fire off one liners about booze was akin to Paul McCartney picking up an acoustic guitar and strumming out Yesterday while we waited for appetizers.

Anyhow, this was right after The Amazing Meeting 3 where Hitchens was speaker. Thanks to Andrew Mayne, I was tagging along to a speakers and staff only dinner after the convention wrapped up. As everyone began seating themselves, we resolved to angle our way next to Hitch. We did.

Waiter: Would you like something to drink.

Hitchens: Yes, wine.

Waiter: Red or white?

Hitchens: (5% more serious than anyone you’ve ever seen order a drink at Ruby Tuesdays) Wine. Is. Red.

His wine was then delivered.

Hitchens: (Drinks wine, grimaces) Ugh, this is terrible. This is awful. This is sheep dip. (Turns to me) You want to know the only thing worse?

Me: What?

Hitchens: No wine at all.

Christopher Hitchens was a larger than life hero for me. As a prolific writer, ferocious thinker and fearless personality. He was a great man. The world is much less interesting today.

A woman in Kazan, Russia was rushed to the hospital by her husband after reportedly suffering chest pains and collapsing. Doctors soon told her devastated husband the sad news, his wife was dead.

Family was called and preparations were made for the funeral.

But there was one very special guest in attendance: Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, the woman who had earlier received the death diagnosis and was currently surrounded by mourning family and friends praying for her soul to go to heaven.

A hulking figure in the woods lunches toward you and your hunting party. In the woods, instinct and a steady hand are your only weapons and this is no different. In the split second before you pull the trigger, time slows down. You wonder if you’ll regret this, what this creature is and why he became so enraged.

Time’s up. Trigger pulled. The hairy creature slumps to the ground, drawing last breath in the form of desperate, sputtering heaves.

You just killed Bigfoot. The good news is, you aren’t alone. According to a compilation of press reports by RobertLindsay.com beginning in 1829 at least 36 people have reportedly shot and killed Sasquatch. The bigger question is what people do with the body?