Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For those of you who think my Ode to the Lychee Nut was an attempt to suck up to Martini Mom... well, you might be right. Because she gave me this kick ass award, so it must be more than a coincidence.

Here are Martini Mom's rules for this award:

1. Do five jumping jacks2. Balance on one foot.3. Call a friend to say hi.4. Take a hot bath.5. Hug your kid.

Since I don't have a kid and I prefer not to stew in my own hot filth, I'm following suit with her 7 random facts about me that you probably don't want to know:

1. I love Christmas music, more than I should. If I could listen to holiday music 24 hours a day, from Thanksgiving to Christmas, I would. I honestly can't say why I love it so much. It's probably rooted in nostalgia, and the fact that I can sing along to every song. Mr. T despises this about me, to the point that if he'd discovered this before falling in love with me, we may not be getting married in two months. And add to this the fact that I'm an astronomically horrible singer, the poor guy has to listen to me singing along to Christmas music at full volume for the next month. It's so bad that even our cat, Hermione, runs away from me when I get going.

2. I once choreographed and performed a full dance routine to Britney's "I'm a Slave", and performed it in front of 50+ people. It was for a Halloween party, and four of us performed the routine. My costume that year was Britney Spears, so naturally I was clad in porno heals, fishnets, short shorts, and a boobalicious gurdle that pushed the girls up. There's something so disturbing fun about believing pretending to be a rockstar. (I am actively searching for pictures of this, so I'll post them if they surface).

4. I once bought an adult-size footsie pajama suit and wore it around for Thanksgiving day. While searching online for this outfit, I discovered a world of adult baby fetishes--- giant baby bottles, adult diapers, mommy services, and all. Ew. I would advise against seeking this out, even for a laugh. The cause of my adult baby suit was purely to make fun of my future-bro-in-law, who had a favorite green "sack" that he lounged around the house in. Every time his (ex)wife tried to give it away to goodwill, he'd sneak it back out. I looked like a giant blue teletubbie, but boy was I toasty.

I skipped #3, you say? Oh yeah, and I'm really impatient, too. We'll get back to #3.

5. I hate being drunk. There, I said it. But I like drinking. Please note the difference.

3. I'm an anal retentive planner. I guest blogged a while back at Wicked Witch of the Web, in a two part series (Part 1, Part 2), where I referred to myself as the Wicked Bitch of the Web. I was really pissed off shortly after writing these because I discovered Getting Things Done, and realized that I've been living GTD my whole life and if I'd beaten this guy to the punch I could be rich just for being a crazed lunatic.

6. When I was 14 I ate so much on Thanksgiving day that I threw up in my grandma's bathroom.

7. My parents decided to name me after misreading a tombstone in the Vermont sticks where I grew up, and my dad was admittedly stoned. The full story was only disclosed to me once I was in my 20's. I think they didn't want to pay for the therapy that would have been needed. Now that I'm an adult, I have to pay for my own therapy.

So, there it is.

Please refrain from telling me if the above list causes you to stop reading this blog.

Thanks again, Moms!

THE DAILY SASS:Why is Planes Trains & Automobiles like every family's Thanksgiving movie??? Anyway, this is my FAV scene in the movie. Enjoy!

I love the "full story was only disclosed to me once I was in my 20's". My dad's stories went from G rated when I was a kid to R rated when I graduated from college. They were the same stories, but when I was a kid, huge chunks were omitted.

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Sassy Two Tweets

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About Me

I am a sass. And sometimes I wear two socks. Sometimes one. I'm also a mommy of two cats, a second wife (to Mr.T), a runner who will never look athletic, a smartypants, a new yorker at heart but masshole by birth, a shopaholic, a boring ex-accountant turned internet exec, a foodie, a watcher of too much crappy tv, a cheese addict (probably the reason I'll never look athletic), and a wine snob. Oh, and I wish I had an afro.
sassytwosocks [at] gmail [dot] com