In the days of my youth we understood it was actually 6 – 6.5 inches (15.24 -16.51). What happened? Did the penis shrink? Did Wiki of the 70’s not do their research correctly? I have thus always believed any penis less than 6 inches was not worth straddling.

Yes, there is a very small non-shallow part of me that feels sorry for men not averagely endowed but I still don’t want to fuck them. I don’t do charity.

Wiki also presents scientifically, a penis less than 3 inches is known as a micropenis. In my world that’s a clitoris. Surely cells had a battle deciding whether to go male or female on this one? How is it possible for a penis to be that small? Sadly many Shallow Sisters’ fieldwork has brought this phenomenon to the fore. Our latest seminar (which took place on a balcony with wine) had us comparing decades of well-documented research. We all noted that 25 years ago, our sexual history (which was prolific (in the interests of science)) produced, at worst, two small penises. Not even a micropenis. In the interests of recent scientific discovery our investigations have turned up more than a few clits posing as penises. I present you two possibilities. The first is Shallow Sisters’ have accrued appalling karma. It is likely we have impaled babies in our last life to now be avenged with the micropenis. The second possibility is that women have emasculated men by forcing them to do the washing up, change nappies and be stay at home husbands. Honestly? Neither option works for me as a good enough reason.

I grant you it must be devastating to be a man with a small penis. But not half as devastating for a woman to discover she has taken one to bed with her. We have little way of knowing what we are getting until we say those words. ‘Is it in yet?’ to meet the response. ‘Well, yes’.

It is true men with micro penises/clitoris’ have had to learn how to please a woman so she won’t notice a missing few inches. They keep their tongue working on our clitoris hoping we won’t detect it is bigger than the penis. Call me greedy but I don’t want to consider an either/or situation. I want my men to be oral experts with a penis I can find.

Few of us can settle for a penis below the average regardless of the man’s financial wealth, kindness and good mouth action. You can always teach a man to use his tongue but you can’t get one to grow his penis.

What are us women expected to do with a micropenis? Jerking it off with the tips of two fingers? Most owners of the mini dick don’t trim, wax or shave their pubes and when these hairs are longer than the shaft no woman wants to take only a knob into her mouth plus the forestry. We did not sign up for this when we said, ‘Sure, I’ll have a glass of Chardonnay’.

This being the case we are entitled to check the wares before investing horizontal time. Ask the direct question. ‘How big is your penis?’

If talk like that scares your date away you’ll know he’s a pussy. And if he responds: ‘I want to lick you’, then insist upon a toilet recce before disrobing. You may well find your karma sucks because that’ll be the only thing that does that night.