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They spoke for over an hour with one man doing most of the talking.He bragged about his money, ​​the corporate empire he had created and all the knowledge he had and what he had achieved.

Eventually the other man turned to him and said, 'It was very nice to meet you.

​It appears the two of us combined possess everything known to mankind.'

'Really?', said the other man with a smug smile.

'Yes. You seem to possess all the wealth in the world and know everything except one thing.'

'Oh...what's that?'

'You just don't know you are such an unpleasant person - and I happen to know that.'

*********************************************

This little story illustrates perfectly the definition of arrogance.The dictionary describes it as.. 'an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.'

Do you find yourself jumping to conclusions and assumptions easily?

Recently, a wonderful student of mine asked me 'how to find the balance between arrogance and confidence', - inspiring me to elaborate on the answers I sent him :-)

Confidence is based on focusing internally - ie; on yourself.Arrogance I see more as based on external - Focusing on others.

One is self comparison - Being better than you were yesterday.Arrogance is comparing yourself to others - Feeling better than someone else.

That's how I see it.

The more you know, the LESS arrogant I believe I have become.

There was a time I thought I knew it all -simply because I was blinkered and could only see my map of the world.Now I realize the more I EXPERIENCE and LEARN the better more confident I become..BUT I also realize I know very little ;-)

Learning to be humble is key....I believe we can be vulnerable, open and expose our weaknesses and that in fact this shows confidence.

The more someone tries to push how much they 'know', the more I think they have to learn.Of course it depends on context - for example; If someone asks for advice.

When we pass 'judgement' on others, even if it is with good intention - if it wasn't asked for it will be construed as criticism and therefore 'arrogance'.In other words they will feel we believe we know more or are more than them.

How to find the balance?

​What I do is...

1) Stretch my comfort zone daily - that keeps me humble! lol DO something different, unusual, slightly out of your routine. Mix it up! The act of stretching your comfort zone really shows you how much more is out there to discover!​2) Surround myself by people who know more/do more etc than me. This soooo keeps me humble but also inspired and increasing in confidence the more I am inspired by them.

4) Keep being aware.Remind myself of what matters and what's important. Remember to look at what's going on outside of myself. This helps me keep empathic and in tune with the world.

5) Keep an OPEN mind - look for being WRONG! This is great tip! EVery time you prove yourself wrong you have bypassed that natural instinct for Confirmation Bias to kick in. This most definitely expands our minds!

6) Again the FOCUS is on YOU and NOT compared to others. When doing your Mantra's etc, the focus is on YOU being the BEST you - NOT BETTER than everyone else. What is your INTENT behind what you say and do?

6) Everyone's on a journey of self discovery - We are in this TOGETHER! When we know something someone else doesn't, it does not mean we are better than them it simply means we are slightly ahead in that 'area' on the journey. Therefore, instead of 'pity/sympathy/ judgement' we can feel excitement to share it with them quicker!

7) As I said in my previous Blog - look for the BEAUTY/the gift/ the diamond in everyone. That helps keep me humble also :-)

That's how a lovely man I once knew used to greet me.I felt beautiful and it warmed my heart.

A few years later I had a moment of enlightenment when I heard the quote..'We get more of what we focus on.'

Suddenly things slotted into place.The signs, the words that were meant for me and the message was clear.

We have all at some point, (I admit that I have) complained, moaned about or judged someone.

'She is an ugly woman,'... 'He is a mean guy,'.... 'They are out for themselves,' ...People are selfish,'.... 'Nobody really cares,'.... 'The world is a scary place.'

Have you occasionally thought this way and what did it do for you?

'It's being realistic,'... 'Keeping myself grounded,' ....'Telling it as it is,'.....'Not deluding myself!'

Mmmmm or maybe ... you are deluding yourself.

Anger, resentment, frustration, jealousy and judgement simply get you...more of that! It's what you are focusing on - As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.'

I'm not suggesting you become a push-over or a martyr but simply that you focus on looking for the good. This way you have a much better chance of finding it ;-)

Our 'environment' is made up of the vibes, energy, words and focus we contribute to that environment. How do you affect yours? Is it a positive or negative influence?YOU are NOT flawed but your approach may have been misguided, as was mine.

Now...when I meet someone I often call them beautiful.Am I being disingenuous, false or patronising?

I am telling you now I 100% am NOT. I mean it FULLY -Because now,I automatically look and find the beauty in someone in an instant.

It may be something obvious, like...beautiful blue eyes, a great smile or glowing skin,but often it is something much deeper and something MUCH more beautiful.Their wit, their passion, their strength, their kindness.These are the things I can see and the more I see them, the more I get!

This is because a while back I trained myself to look for them and that is now what I always spot first.It makes life so much more beautiful for me to this way.

​So next time I meet you, how about you look for the beauty in me and say it back. I guarantee your world will become a much more beautiful place.

Once upon a time… ​there were a couple of clever men (with a passion for delving into the mind) who noticed something strange…. they noticed an unusual pattern.

​They noticed that troubled people who went to particular ‘teachers’ were becoming happier and having a more fulfilling life after talking to them.

The two men watched closely and observed the similarities, noting all the systems, particulars and strategies that these teachers used naturally and spontaneously to build rapport, influence, persuade and ultimately to get such phenomenal results.

They studied their notes, started experimenting and soon were creating new magnificent lives for all around them! They had mastered how to use both their physical and non-verbal language to easily convince people how to change their minds….These notes turned into what’s best known now as Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

Imagine if… YOU had the power to influence people’s minds?Imagine if… it is possible to use certain words to trigger hypnotic reactions.Now imagine… that as well as verbally you could do this in writing?

You may not believe this can actually happen, but I’m here to tell you that it can, because over your lifetime you’ve been hypnotized unaware to accept certain trigger words.The process started even before you could talk!

You might not ever suspect that these hypnotic words can hold such power because they are so simple – But when you start to use them consciously and correctly, they will explode your influential powers of persuasion!

So… I have already used six of them to keep you reading plus probably the BIGGEST hypnotic trick in the book…. do you know what it is?

Imagine you did know….Yes you got it ….the first one is IMAGINE…

Why is this so good?

Because it by-passes and sneaks past your critical mind and goes straight to the fun task of playing, fantasising, having some fun with your unconscious mind!

You see once in here, in this part, the unconscious – it cannot tell the difference between what is real or imagined. So as far as your brain is concerned, there’s no difference between visualizing it and it being reality. This is very powerful!

Seen as your unconscious is what rules you and all your decisions, it makes sense to stimulate it right? Simple.

Oh yes…So..the other 5 things and the BIGGEST Hypnosis trick (used above)…??​You will just have to .. join us onTHE NLP PRACTITIONER TRAINING in Dublin…. to find this out…. and a LOT more!!

Yes - I get asked this a LOT....'How can I help 'so and so'? He/She doesn't want help, doesn't want to address the issue or doesn't even know there is one! ....First, thing to keep in mind is, this is very common and you are not the only one tearing your hair out with love and concern for someone.

So...how DO you help?

Let me tell you a very short story....

Yesterday I was gardening. While weeding my flower bed I came across a very tired looking Bumble Bee. He did not want to move and I did not want to hurt him.

I poked him a little and tried to move him on so I could continue but he wouldn't budge, and I attempted to lift him but he kept curling up and moving away. I was afraid I would injure him.I wanted to put him somewhere safer but my help that he was adamantly refusing appeared to be doing more harm than good.

Then I realized...'Maybe he is just weak and hungry!'I ran inside, put a little honey on a spoon and brought it out to him.Tentatively he crawled nearer, smelling its scent and soon he was sucking it up with gusto.He ate all on the spoon and sat there for a minute as though looking at me.We stared at each other, he then buzzed...and flew away.

My 'help' in moving him was not what he needed. He did not need my self imposed beliefs, my viewpoints, my opinion on what he should or shouldn't do, my pushing.. or my poking and prodding.

What he needed was something sweeter, something more satiating, more fulfilling ...something more positive. He would then, naturally and in his own time, get the energy and motivation to fly away.When he was ready and had digested the 'sweetness'.

The end result was the same. The approach different.

Even though we mean well, pushing and prodding and offering your 'opinion' to someone, only moves them further away from us. Instead a 'sweeter' approach is to tell a story like the one I used with you above. Metaphors work. They access the unconscious mind on a deeper level and the listener will digest the info and make their own decisions from it.

Remember we are only ready for change when we decide to be.No one else can make someone change...but YOU can set an example.

Most of all if you are concerned about someone and want to help, the best approach is to listen -really listen (not so as to interrupt, judge or pass your advice - only if asked).To love and tell them you love them.To be present and constant and to tell them you are there for them whenever they need you.When they are ready they will come to you.

For the past two years I have been suffering with a dead infected tooth. Stories I kept hearing about terrible root canal procedures meant I kept postponing getting treatment. Every time I would mention it to someone they would oooh and ahhh in sympathy and kindly relay to me another horror tale, leaving me cringing and squirming at the very thought of white coats, drills and reclining chairs!

You see I also had an unpleasant incident when I was young. Well, the 'incident' itself was easy enough actually. I had my appendix out at 8 years of age with a standard run of the mill operation but the particular circumstances in my case - the world I was looking through at the time - had me feeling a little overwhelmed.

Six months previously my older sister nearly died from appendicitis. I watched as my parents cried and stood over her pale body in her hospital bed. I heard the tales of how she very nearly did not make it. On top of this, my parents were going through a tough time and I knew it.

My sense of 'security' was very unstable. To top it off when it was my turn, the hospital staff appeared cold and insensitive (at least that's how it felt to me at the time). I remember distinctly in vivid technicolour detail all the fine points of that day up to the moment I finally let go of resisting and fell asleep only to wake back up to a painted yellow aching belly.

It was etched in my mind for the next 35 years.

Since this time, letting go and giving someone else control has been difficult for me. Going to the doctor, dentist or even being a passenger in a car stretches my comfort zone. As long as I am in charge, I am okay...that's kind of the tape I have been playing.

So, deciding to take action and finally do this, was no easy feat for me BUT ........ I am a Life & Mind Coach and a hypnotist after all. Actually, I even had numerous people over the years attempt to help me with this, and I am sure it has helped. As the day neared I considered getting some hypnosis again ....BUT then I had a realisation.

I AM a hypnotist. I need to do it myself. I need to know I am doing the right thing for me. That this is MY choice and I AM the one in control. I thought through how I would like to feel and settled on feeling peaceful and grateful, like when I breathe in my dog's scent as I cuddle him.

So that is what I did. I used what we would call in NLP terms a 'Swish' technique. Basically I recreated that scenario (of cuddling my dog) in my head over and over with all my senses and associated the feeling with being at the dentist. I warned the dentist in advance I might be mumbling and talking to my imaginary dog and she appeared fine with that ;-)

And you know what...? It worked. In fact I actually laughed a good bit. You know why?

I (once again) realized that fear really does simply come from the stories we tell ourselves. I had been conditioned by stories I had heard and the story I had been repeating in my head since a little girl - my story will now be very different.

Taking back control and making my own decision and using my techniques brought me back to my power and even though, yes, I was allowing someone else to do something to me it was with my permission. I had asked for their expert help. Sometimes that is okay, in fact sometimes that is the right thing to do.

My old story has now disappeared and I feel so much more empowered. I feel grown up, I feel strong and I feel in control again.

I believe I have now finally really got to the root of this problem.Let me help you get to the root of yours,Danielle xx

Two priests are standing at the side of a road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads;“The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now — Before It’s Too Late!”A car speeds by them and the driver yells …“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”Just after the car rounds the bend they hear screeching of tires and then … a big splash.One of the priests turns to the other and asks …“Oh – do you think we should have written instead … ‘Bridge Out’ ?”****

Have YOU ever jumped to conclusions? Often people who come to The Bootcamp or avail of my coaching services say stuff such as…. I thought this was going to be much harder, more like..’work’, I assumed you would do x, y. z……, I presumed you were all fluff without the practical…. I assumed I would struggle more…. I didn’t expect to change my mind so quickly…etc etc…!

As I often say…being wrong is oh so right!

Once we give up the illusion that all is as it seems and that maybe just maybe..our map of reality is NOT the territory…then we can grow and expand and take so much more in!

Are you ready to grow and expand YOUR mind and discover what is truly possible??Are you ready to learn the secrets of language & communication skills and influence both in your inner world and the outer world?Are you ready to let go of those old limiting beliefs that are holding you back?

Discover the power of presuppositions as opposed to premonitions and learn how tongue twisters can be useful!

“What’s wrong?” he asked.The man held up a tattered bag and moaned,“All that I own in this wide world barely fills this miserable, wretched sack.”

“Too bad,” said Mula, and with that,he snatched the bag from the man’s hands and ran down the road with it.

Having lost everything, the man burst into tears and now, even more miserable than before,continued walking.

Meanwhile, Mula quickly ran around the bend and placed the man’s sack in the middle of the road where he would have to come upon it.

When the man saw his bag sitting in the road before him, he laughed with joy, and shouted,“My sack! I thought I’d lost you!”

Watching through the bushes, Mula chuckled...

“Well, that’s one way to make someone happy!”

Well...what do you do to make someone (including yourself) happy?

In 2007, Harvard conducted a study with some volunteers.They were asked to learn and practice a five-finger piano exercise.Half were told to actually practice playing, physically, two hours a day for a period of five days.The other half had to simply 'think and imagine' playing the piano.

The test resulted in both groups showing the stretch of motor cortex devoted to these 'finger movements' had taken over surrounding areas. This reaffirmed many other discoveries showing that greater use of any muscle causes the brain to devote more cortical growth to it. In essence - 'practice' rewires the brain.

The most incredible finding was... that the same region of the brain had expanded whether they were physically playing or merely imagining it!

What does this mean?

It means we have Neuroplasticity!

An ability to rewire our brain and also that the brain does not know the difference between what's real or imagined.

This means that we have to be smart as both good and bad stimulus will affect our brains, right? Therefore what we put in there is going to have an effect and stimulate new neural pathways. So which ones do you want?

You might know that I tend to joke a LOT. ....Why?Because yep..humour is good for me..and for you!

At the moment there is soooo much negative, depressing news out there in the media.How does that affect us? Well, if we know that our brains can't tell what's real and what's not ...and we spend hours reading, watching, listening to it...

Think about it. ...Our brain thinks we were involved. What does this do?It causes us stress, anxiety and bad feelings!

So ... how about we limit it and maybe...balance the scales?

Bring a little laughter and sunshine into yours and someone else's life today,they may REALLY need a little rewiring!

P.S: When Einstein was asked, was he happy? What did he reply?.......... 'Relatively.' . .of course :-)​P.P.S: Want to hear more terrible jokes and rewire your brain with some great NLP in the process? LAST chance to grab your spot on The Bootcamp this 11th February in Dublin! It's going to be awesome!

Would love to hear your thoughts...or bad jokes! ;-)

So I have just got back from a weekend in Rome. An impromptu trip for my birthday :-)I have to say I enjoyed it immensely!

I always like to boast about how I am a 'Roman Girl about town' when over there. Seen as I grew up there I like to think I am fairly 'street-wise' and savvy getting around and dealing with the persistent street sellers. However ... even I ... can sometimes be conned ... or was I? ;-)

The midday winter sun was high and we strolled along admiring the well known circle of stones that made up the Colosseum. A man in a colourful robe approached me holding up a little rope bracelet with a carved silhouette of an elephant on a little black rock.

'For you lady!', he said smiling.'No, no thanks.' I said smiling back apologetically but steadfast.'Thank you for the lovely smile, lady. You look happy!''Well yes... I guess I am.''You're on holiday!''Eemm ...yes.''Where from? I'm from South Africa.'Uh..Ireland....''Nice. My whole family came over here, but it's tough work .....'What is your name? I am Bongani.''Ah right, yes, ...Danielle.'He shook my hand and placed the bracelet in it.'No, I don't want it, thank you!''It's a gift!' he continued.'Ah no, it's okay, honestly, but thank you!''Please, from me, take it. I come from far. It's my gift to you. ''I am not paying you for it.' I say feeling bad immediately.'No, I don't want money. It's a gift! Makes me feel good and I need that!''Uhhh okay...''Here..take these two also for your family!''No..no, really..''I insist!' He smiles and starts to walk away.'Oh look, wait! Here let me give you something...!'

Yup.... I fell hook line and sinker for it.

How? Why? Should I have not known better??Well yes! I know this 'trick' but I still fell for it....because...I kind'a wanted to! In fact ... I enjoyed it! This guy was an EXCELLENT NLP Practitioner. A true expert at his craft. I loved falling for it!It reiterated everything I have learnt and since taught.

Can YOU spot the psychological things he did? Let's look at some of them...​1) He approached me at the RIGHT time. He knew instinctively I was in a good mood and that this was the most conducive time to influence me.2) He complimented me and acknowledged my facial expression. Causing me already to feel the Law of Reciprocity tugging at me and he Mind Read me (knowing I was happy) resulting in me feeling unconsciously understood.3) He thanked me - again setting off reciprocity bias.4) Again he used MindReading - knowing I was on holiday - easy guess - but making me feel a connection.5) He told me about him first, enticing me to follow suit - Pacing and Leading.6) I 'invested' in him by talking back.7) He built rapport and a connection by talking to me about himself.8) He told me he 'needed' to feel good - Unconsciously I was driven to help his need plus I admired his feeling good by giving a gift. I wanted to feel good to by giving back also!9) He over delivered - handing me even more than expected. 10) He walked away, leaving the ball in my court.

I could have just turned away. He took a chance. Maybe he has lost out on occasion.But it was a well planned and extremely well executed gamble and to be honest I had to hand it to him! Literally!

We all use these psychological games whether we realise it or not.It's natural and instinctual. Sometimes it's beneficial and sometimes it's not!Knowing how to use it to full advantage is extremely useful.

What could YOU do with these unbelievable skills?

I loved this impromptu lesson I received from this very expert gentleman in Rome and it was most certainly deserving of a few bob!

If you are ready to catapult your communication and influence skills to his level and more...join me and the others at The NLP Practitioner Course in March.(Read some past Testimonials HERE!)

The way to catch a monkey is to use a small box with an opening big enough for him to slide his hand in - Inside you have a few nuts. When he grabs it he forms a fist and won't let go.

With his hand in a fist the opening is now too small to get his hand out and so he is left with a choice – either let go of the nuts in order to escape before the captors come or risk being caught. Unfortunately often the monkeys are caught.

Now, you probably know by now I am a MAJOR animal lover, so I am not promoting ways to catch these beautiful souls, I just wonder are you like them, even more than you think?

You see we all have a habit of wanting to hold on to things, ideas, old beliefs, our usual ways, circumstances and material stuff.We are afraid of the uncertainty and the great ‘unknown’.We are not sure what the future may bring so we often refuse to change, even if it is more detrimental to stay the same….

A lot of this boils down to psychology and our wonderful instilled biases and beliefs –Such as Loss Biass.

We got those nuts and we're gonna hang on to them no matter what!You must be kidding! I’m not giving them back now!Just like your …. job, your relationships, your body, your routine.Its habitual, it's comfortable, it's yours…. but is it the best thing for you?

Often we fear the big things because we are vividly IMAGINING the worst outcome, so we do nothing. Yet, we still sit at home allowing the silent killers to take hold – smoking, eating, sedentary lifestyles, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling jobs….

You carry around the weight of your box and all you hold in it, even if it slows you down, even if it is slowly killing you….But…. what if you understood more about how you ‘tick’ and you hence knew a way to change these limiting beliefs?

What if you had less fear in your life and more excitement?What if you knew that your full potential was only a mindset away?Would you then Embrace Change more?​How about really stepping out and away from your box ...Embracing Change and coming on a transformational journey with me on Sat 16th September at my next Blackbelt Mastermind Bootcamp!

It's only the start of the New Year and 2017 ... but... are you halfway to quitting already?Happy New Year!

New Year's Day and I decided to walk up to the top of Mount Leinster.From there you can see five Counties I am told.I was enthusiastic setting off but when I parked and stepped out of the car the wind nearly carried me off the nearby cliff. I struggled on determined to get up that hill, but the wind was fierce!By the time I got half way my ears were throbbing, my chest heaving and my cheeks were burnt with the wind. I sheltered behind a boulder and thought about turning back. It was VERY cold!But I didn't. I buried my head in my scarf, tucked in my chin and marched on.In fact after that point it got easier and the wind seemed to ease a little.At the summit of my little peak I did a victory dance. I felt on top of the world! ;-)

I thought to myself mmm what's the lesson here?The half-way point can sometimes be the hardest. This is when your mind starts playing tricks with you - sabotaging your attempts. 'Sure what's the point?...Why bother? It's waaaay too cold!', it cries.Instead, I shut that churlish voice out at that half-way point and I made a decision to reward myself for reaching the top instead. I chose a hot chocolate and I played this out in my mind while walking up that hill, imagining the pleasure I would feel when back home and snuggled by the fire, toasting my toes and sipping my yummy chocolatey drink. The cold and the wind made the enjoyment of being warm after so much more powerful. I was driven by this and raced back down anticipating my treat.How about you also give this a go? ;-)Want to achieve something this year? Have a New Year's resolutions in mind?Then.... visualize the end result - imagine the reward with all your senses.See it, feel it, hear it, smell it and taste it! And the biggest tip.... what is your WHY? My 'why' is to really FEEl ALIVE. To feel like I have done my best and been present along the way. To have no regrets and to live a life of integrity and purpose. This is what makes me truly feel good.I said to myself half way up, 'Danielle, this is your year to shine. Break through any of that c**p that pops up in your head. Shut it up fast and replace it with something better!'This is my New Year's resolution. To break through my own self imposed limitations and to keep growing stronger and stronger. To step outside my comfort zone.To feel the fear and do it anyway!That's why...soon... I will be jumping out of a plane! Yep, that's right, I booked it and yea... I am mad! lol (to be continued!)So what is your 'Why'?Why do you really want to achieve that goal this year?Ask yourself how will you feel when you achieve it.If it gives you goosebumps then it's the right thing to do ;-)Go dream big and enjoy the journey along the way!Happy New Year,Danielle xxxYour Mind Coach & NLP Trainer!P.S: Want some help in getting there? Join us on the next Blackbelt MasterMind Bootcampin Dublin in February HERE! Read MORE of my Blogs HERE!