"You can use the Illness Communication Exaggeration Curve, or ICEC, to find the mode of communcation that best suits your goals.

Use stage five, or no exaggeration, if you have nothing to gain from the communication — for example, if you are talking to somebody who has exactly the same sickness that you do.

Stage six is a low-risk, low-return exaggeration without falsification of symptoms. You can use this to engender low-grade pity and as a one-time excuse for poor performance.

For extremely high-value, time-sensitive communication, use stages one or two, or extreme under-exaggeration.

It should be noted that these stages are extremely high-risk and must be carried out for the entirety of the day until you can return to stage five in the privacy of your own home. Returning to stage five at your desk or cubicle runs you the risk of being referred to as "that asshole who comes to work sick".

If you have low self-esteem and wish to leverage your illness to look cool, use stages three or four. These stages include an admission of illness along with a public announcement of your actions in spite of your condition.

Use stages seven or eight to leverage small favours from loved ones. Stage seven includes the random announcement of symptoms, while stage eight feigns the inability to deal with the symptoms at hand

Use stage nine, or mild falsification of symptoms, to leverage the irrational fears of people with children.

Use stage 10, or extreme falsification of symptoms, to avoid major life duties."

From The Show with Ze Frank

I don't wanna take out the trash; watch me use an eight on the ICEC to have Tom do it for me:

"Man, it feels like all the nerves in my skin decided to work overtime. Could you take out the garbage?"