There's no getting around it: dating can suck. More often than not it can feel something along the lines of awkward, forced, and downright confusing. While you may often wish that there was a guide to dating etiquette, the truth is we're all winging it.

Keep in mind that many of these reference relationships between people who identify as men and people who identify as women, so experiences may vary depending on your gender identity and sexual orientation. And all people are different, so this is just a few experiences of many daters around the country.

1/

Who initiates the date:
Northeast: Anyone.

"Everything is so casual that women are feeling more and more comfortable asking a guy to grab drinks after work, compared to years ago when it may have been looked 'desperate' for a woman to ask a man on a date" - Kayla, New York, told Elle

Northwest: Anyone.

"[I'm in college and] on my campus there's a strong sense of feminism, so the girls often feel that they have the same right to initiate a date, pick up the guy for the date, and pay for the date." - Ari, Oregon, told Elle

3/

Southeast: The guy.

Not the person quoted.
Julian Finney/Getty Images

"Usually the initiation still comes from the guy, but it isn't unusual for the girl to initiate." - Kaley, North Carolina, told Elle

4/

Southwest: Anyone.

Not the person quoted.
Chris Greenberg/Getty

"Women's and men's roles are becoming less concrete in terms of dating. I've found myself making the first move." - Jennifer, Los Angeles, told Elle

5/

Midwest: Typically the guy.

Not the person quoted.
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"The dating scene is less traditional than our parents' generation. Oftentimes the girl expects the boy to initiate, but boys expect to receive effort back — you can't rely on the other person to start all the conversations." Ashley, Chicago, told Elle

6/

How the first date is spent:
Northeast: Meeting for the first time.

Not the person quoted.
Unsplash/Sweet Ice Cream Photography

"The dating scene in D.C. right now is heavily app-based, so the first date is typically the first time you're seeing each other face to face." Prasana, Washington D.C, told Elle

"Firstly, we met on Tinder (yes I said it out loud). After a couple of weeks of texting and talking, we decided to meet on the Upper East Side of Manhattan at a local bar that made fresh drinks with amazing ingredients." - Adrianna, New York, told INSIDER

7/

Northwest: A quick drink.

Not the person quoted.
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"In San Francisco, people want to meet for a quick drink and see how that goes, then schedule a second date — dinner or some fun activity — if the night goes well." - Ilana, San Francisco, told Elle

8/

Southeast: Grabbing food.

Not the person quoted.
Reuters/Eddie Keogh

"Most of the first dates that I've been on were either lunch or dinner dates." - Nicole, Georgia, told Elle

"The average first date is either getting coffee or going out to dinner. Coffee is usually very casual, and can be more of an ice breaker and not always received as an actual 'date.' Going out to dinner is usually more official." - Kaley, North Carolina, told Elle

9/

Southwest: Working out together.

Not the person quoted.
Liderina/Shutterstock

"Workout dates are big in L.A. People ask to meet at yoga or go on hikes. Guys think it takes a little pressure off and if it's a bust, at least you got a workout in!" - Danielle, Los Angeles, told Elle

"Hikes are great if you already have a sense that you like the person — it gives you a really significant period of time to get to know each other and crack the next level." Stefani, Los Angeles, told Elle

10/

Midwest: Drinks and maybe dinner.

"Drinks seems to be the way to go for a first-time meeting, and it's usually a weeknight thing if it's someone you met on an app. I don't think creativity comes into play until the second or third date, because at that point you know that you're at least attracted to one another, so there's a little more incentive to impress." - Danielle, Chicago, told Elle

"My first real date with my boyfriend was at a restaurant in downtown Indy." - Sydney, Indianapolis, told Elle

11/

How you get to the date:
Northeast: Meet after work.

Not the person quoted.
Iakov Filimonov/Shutterstock

"During the summer, it's more common for people to go out for happy hour directly after work, and a date is usually at a rooftop bar or a light dinner" - Kelsey, New York, told Elle

"The traditional elements like a gentleman picking you up, bringing you flowers, and opening your car door does not happen." - Hannah, Boston, told Elle

12/

Northwest: Meet at a neutral location.

Not the person quoted.
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"There are a lot of breweries here, so it's pretty common to do a date at one. Generally, first dates seem to be meeting at a bar for a drink, which is like the 'screening test' before actually spending time and money on someone" - Karen, Portland, told Elle

13/

Southeast: Meet at the location.

Not the person quoted.
Shutterstock / YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV

"People are starting to meet up at the designated location rather than the man picking them up, especially if it's drinks after work." - Cornelia, San Antonio, told Elle

Who pays for the date:
Northeast: Do what you want.

"I got myself a drink and asked him what he would like which I knew was unorthodox because let's face it, the man is supposed to pay on a first date. That being said, for some reason I didn't mind ordering him a drink." - Adrianna, New York, tells INSIDER

Southwest: Both pay.

"He was super thoughtful to plan and pay for our picnic supplies, which left it open for us to grab dessert at a nearby spot / I can contribute to the date and at least offer to pay for that." - Alexya, New Mexico, told INSIDER

20/

Midwest: The guy wants to pay.

Not the person quoted.
Shutterstock

"... Usually on a first date, if it's going well especially, I feel like the guy tries to pay. I usually insist on splitting — sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't." - Jenna, Cincinnati, told Elle

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