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Sunday, 16 November 2014

Letting go...

I have to start the process of letting go: Mum is still here in body, but the spark has gone. I am already starting to glimpse the void that she will leave when she exits this world. I wasn't going to post any more, but I've come this far and I have no idea if there is someone out there reading this who is going through the same thing thinking that their feelings aren't normal, so I'll continue but without all the details; I owe Mum her dignity, and Dad his privacy.

Dad has been wonderful at getting on Skype and letting me see Mum. Yesterday she managed a short conversation and she sat whilst I read her some messages and talked. I asked if she wanted to go when it was evident it was getting too much, but she said she liked listening to me talk so I continued (I touched on this briefly in yesterday's post). Then today Dad brought the iPad to Mum so we could all Skype once again, and the physical difference in Mum was shocking...I would have thought it was impossible for someone to decline so rapidly in the space of less than 24 hours had I not seen it with my own eyes. I am so sorry that she and Dad have to go through this...I can see why people get bitter and angry.

Tonight I found the courage to say a prayer...that God would take her peacefully tonight whilst she sleeps. I have wanted it for her and Dad for a few days, but haven't be able to bring myself to actually say the words out loud until today. Tears fell steadily, and an overwhelming realisation of what we still have to get through washed over me. I don't know how we are supposed to go forward, but I do know one thing...the world will be a lesser place without Mum in it.