Mean Betty: Does Lindsay Lohan Have A(nother) Case of Sticky Fingers?

Mean Betty: Does Lindsay Lohan Have A(nother) Case of Sticky Fingers?

Lindsay Lohan was named a “person of interest” by the police in another burglary! Is Mean Betty surprised? Not so much.

-Mean Betty

Hmmm. Meanie thinks that Lindsay Lohan doesn’t seem to be learning her life lessons too well, Kittens. Of course, it could also be that Lindsay wants to stay inside the pokey… but before Meanie gets ahead of herself—like the time she accidentally wore a maxi dress on her treadmill—let her explain the latest Lohan foible.

You see, Lindsay was at a house party in the Hollywood Hills last Sunday. Whilst she was there, she had two friends meet her at the home. Sounds perfectly innocent, right, lambkins? Well, somehow, some way, and possibly in some other dimension, two watches and a pair of sunglasses up and vanished. The total value of these goods according to TMZ is around $100,000. Speaking of good old TMZ, police sources told the gossip site that LiLo may not have “borrowed” these items, but quite possibly was in on the heist with her friends. Allow Meanie to repeat: “Hmmmm…”

But wait! While the police have called LiLo a “person of interest” in the watch and sunnies liberation, there’s another twist! The owner suddenly recanted the theft and wrote a letter to the police stating nothing was stolen! Gee, it sounds just like the rumors that swirled around La Lohan when she used to do fashion shoots for magazines. You’d hear that she had walked out with thousands of dollars worth of merch; but then another rumor would float saying that Lindsay was, in actuality, a little angel!

Let it be said, though, that Meanie does idly wonder whether Lindsay engineered the whole thing because she has a fondness for orange jumpsuits and living… shall we say… minimally. Kittens, don’t you think that if Lindsay really wants to wear orange jumpsuits, she just ought to buy them? It’s so much simpler than arrange an elaborate heist and aiming to get caught! Then again, she doesn’t have much of a disposable income right now, so perhaps it’s cheaper for her to try to get on the wrong side of the law again.

Goodness, kittens! Don’t you wonder why the owner of the allegedly missing items suddenly and surprisingly changed his story? Did angels from on high whisper a little something in his ear? Or did Super Dad, AKA Michael Lohan, have anything to do with the homeowner’s sudden change of heart? Well, Michael did tell TMZ, “After personally speaking with the homeowner, there was NOTHING stolen from his home. Lindsay has no involvement and the owner has told the cops that.”

Wowza! I guess unicorns really do fart rainbows! If someone is going to take the word of Michael Lohan—a man who’s been in and out of rehab and jail so many times that they’ve installed a revolving door just for him—then the Easter Bunny and Mogwais really do exist.

Speaking of Mogwais, remember the two cardinal rules of never feeding them after midnight or letting them get wet? Well, add onto that list never, ever, to let Lindsay Lohan be alone in a room with expensive baubles.