Thursday, October 15, 2009

I had my exam in our literature class this morning and I was just confident that it will be easy since out teacher gave us some pointers to study. I studied naman even if I hate the type of test she gave us, as usual objective type, and considering that literature is just like history. You will just study the history of literature in our country. When the test paper was already in my hands, I found out that the exam was really difficult. Difficult in a sense that you have to remember those specific details, like the authors, dates, and everything about it; and what's worst? There are some questions which was not found in our photocopy. That's really far out! Because I have a low memory, some things that I studied was forgotten...

I had really a hard time answering the test questions since I don't know most of it. I really had a headache and I am worried because we have a cut off in that subject and I'm afraid if I won't reach it considering that it's already my retake.hehehe.. I just hope that God will have mercy and He will let me pass the subject.

Nitong mga huling araw lang, I had some confusions in mind that bothers me all the time, publication responsibilities, school, people around me, my family, there are actually a lot of them that bothers my mind. Every time I wake up in the morning, I always think of these things and even before going to bed. But the thing that bothers me most is on the decision I was about to decide which is to quit or not in the publication. Since the publication is already a part of my life, I really have to be ready for the consequences that I will face if whatever my decision would be. I was thinking about it for how many days and I have decided to quit because I thought to myself that I am not already doing my job. "Waht's the use of staying in the publication?" I just thought. I was governed by my thoughts and emotions that time that I really had to quit to focus on my schooling since we were also pressured with our requirements. I also thought that it will not make any difference if I will quit but I was wrong. As days were passing, something inside me lacks all the time I felt that medyo may kulang talaga.

I started not to attend our meetings anymore and people started to wonder where am I. That thought of them makes me feel that they also remember me pala. According to some of them, marami na palang naghahanap sa akin sa office and I was touched. When our eic knew that I was planning to quit, he texted me and he wanted to talk to me. We actually did but when we were already conversing, I cannot anymore utter my words. It was already difficult for me to talk to him and tell him why I wanted to quit. Hindi niya ako pinayagang mag quit dahil napaka shallow naman talaga ng aking reasons. As he was talking, I realized that I was just over reacting and just making things complicated. That thought came to me and knock my head off. I said to myself that why am I making it complicated when in fact I can still do it. The only problem would be is that I just have to control myself from being lazy and just do some sensible things.

Right now, I'm already here again. Continuing what is supposed to be continued and finished. May He enlightened my mind and my heart to be more responsible enough dahil nakasalalay naman dito ang future ko eh...