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Friday, January 20, 2012

The Week Has Worn Me Down Like A Pencil

You will be EXTREMELY tired on the Monday, Wednesday and Friday
of EACH AND EVERY WEEK

Dig my horoscope for today:

Today, karen, you're probably feeling especially sexy and passionate. Don't be surprised if you find yourself browsing through catalogues with luxurious underwear or delicate fabrics! Erotic novels could also be very appealing to you. If you're currently involved, you'll probably want to spend the evening alone with your partner. If you aren't, don't be surprised if you pull in someone new! Either way, you'll probably attract admiring glances from strangers you pass on the street.As freaking if.

Catalogues with luxurious underwear. Pppffft.

I'm re-writing this thing, RIGHT NOW.

Tonight, karen, you're feeling exceptionally burnt out. You will have reached your zenith of intolerance over children constantly shouting questions from other rooms. You will employ a new rule over this that says 'if you want to talk to someone and he/she is in another room, you must actually GO to that room and ask her/him in person.'

You probably were forced to go get groceries at a really retarded hour on a Friday night because you were out of MORE THAN ONE KEY ITEM, and if you plan to go bargain trolling through thrift stores with your sister tomorrow, you have no choice but to go to the heinous and evil Wal of Evil to get those groceries on a Friday night.

You had an upset tummy all week, and yesterday you may have had a mild but nagging pain in your right side ALL DAY. You concluded you had the following ailments:

No worries karen, it is probably just air bubbles caught in a mangled inner part of your body after they yanked out your gallbladder.

You have embarked on your 2 week PMS bloat, so your tummy is sticking out. You'll feel a strong urge to just wear the same cream coloured cotton shirt and black yoga pants today, because--f*ck it--choosing new outfits every day is both pointless,tedious and exhausting.

Tonight at dinner you were still nauseated by food, so you made fish sticks and broccoli for your daughter, and a tuna sandwich for yourself, because The Man was out of town.

Earlier in the week, there may have been a power outage in your area. This may or may not have wiped out the last 2 messages from your MOTHER on your answering machine, left not long before she died, which you managed to keep on there for nearly 2 years.

This will send you into a tailspin of bummer-dom

Take a break from those black yoga pants. Yes, they are the most comfortable pants known to MAN, and yes, they're a nice break from your jeans, but every day is a little much, don't you think?

Go outside and get some fresh air. Laundry is a job, not an accomplishment.

Oh no! The answering machine thing made me get an actual tear in my eye. That sucks the big banana. I have a video of my Mum that I have never even been able to watch and she has been dead for 16.5 years. Now I'm sad again. Wow, what a whirlwind three minutes this has been.

Great horoscope. I don't think there is a problem wearing yoga pants everyday, jeans are not very comfortable. I heard on the radio there are some schools banning yoga pants in school. Too revealing, ah what about those cheerleader outfits.

Aw man, you had a long and crummy week! But hey, it's Saturday, I hope you are able to get outta the house and get some fresh air. And may you never, ever have to deal with the Wal of Evil on a Friday night again.

Shitty week, huh? My kids yell from the top to the bottom of the house too, and like you I have tried suggesting being in the same room before speaking, but you know what? They take no bloody notice.Food shopping - hate it. Any time.Upset stomach? Hate it. Being bloated? Hate it.Laundry? Hate it.Losing something precious? Hate it.What I LOVE is how you manage to write about all that crappy stuff and still make it funny. Wear your yoga pants if you want to, Karen! xxxxxxxxx

sigh - that is a crummy week. I hope the weekend treats you better, that you found some great bargins with your sister today and that you have yourself a crusty wife this evening. I have the rule about being in the room with the person you are talking to as well, only I am exempt from it of course. Like I'm actually going to drag my ass upstairs to tell the kids when dinner is ready.

I haven't read it Paula, but I read the forward Gabaldon had written in the book, and it falls in the timeline right around Voyager. Does it come before Voyager? It must. I thought it was focused more on Lord John Grey, and I'm not soooo interested in him as the star of the novel.

it is a lord john novel but it is about an adventure they go on together.the book takes place around the time of voyager,while jamie is still a groom at hellwater.even the first few lines are about jamie[and kind of erotic too]so i would highly recomend it.btw, the scottish prisoner refers to jamie, in case you did not guess.

Oh yeah, I figured it was all about Jamie--and there's a blog you might want to check out Paula, because it's ALL about Jamie love! That's how come I knew this book would mostly be about him. http://www.myoutlanderpurgatory.com/

Ah that sucks the big one about losing her messages! Sorry to hear that Karen :(Every Friday I am at Walmart for groceries and yet i work at a grocery store lol !!!! Just be happy you don't have to go to my job five days of the week! Now that sucks the big one!!!!!!

Pam, I seriously think of you all the time when I want to whine, because I hated serving the public SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much when I worked at the casino. Oh yes, and I've seen how burnt out the poor Sobeys ladies are here!!

Yeah, it did bite big dicks about the messages. I'm not going to sugar coat it. That answering machine had been chirping out for 2 years that it had a "LOW BATTERY" every time I'd play back new messages. I ignored it. I knew the days were numbered.

Yeah, those yoga pants are soo, soo, awesome. And not all super tight and revealing. I'm sad because they got wet on the bottom taking Jack to school this morning and now I have to wear my stupid stretch jeans.