Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Precious little joy in Dodgertown these days, so let's focus on the good: Andre Ethier, owner of the second-longest hitting streak in Dodgers history (tied with Zack "Cream of" Wheat). Ethier is currently at 28 29 straight games, with a decent chance at 29 30 — being 8 for 18 lifetime against Zambrano.

Lookit that goddamn lineup! Ho-leee SHIT, that sucks moose balls! Matty is growing his beard out so his friends won't recognize him amongst this bunch of no-good, half-blind, HGH-impotent stiffs.

And Ted Lilly, fer chrissakes! That asshole gave up 11 hits in 4 innings to these very Cubs just 11 days ago. And we get to enjoy 3 more years of this clown's pathetic attempt at being a cut-rate, Mets-era Tom Glavine.

That doesn't even take into account our cruddy bullpen! If they were prostitutes, they would get kicked out of the Bunny Ranch for being too slutty.

[Updated at 1:26 p.m.: Oh, now I get it. The Dodgers have a "B" on their hats today, so I thought they sent the B squad onto the field. Gibbons, Mitchell, Miles, Navarro, Gwinn. But the B is for Brooklyn Dodgers.

I was going to wear my Brooklyn ballcap to the park today but feared I'd be savagely beaten by idiot fans who thought the B stood for Boston, as in Red Sox. Fifth inning. Guy named Soto, with two homers all season, just hit his third. Cubs 1, Dodgers 0.]

SLIPPING INTO COMAS

[Updated at 1:45 p.m.: Now a guy named Pena, batting eighth in the Cubs lineup and hitting .162, just hit a home run that nearly landed in Eagle Rock.

Cubs 2, Dodgers 0.

A fan threw the ball back onto the field; probably someone worried that Frank McCourt can't afford any new ones. Now Marlon Byrd, a Cub with no homers, just launched a three-run blast into orbit.

Cubs 5, Dodgers 0.

All the fans near me have slipped into comas, much like the Dodgers themselves.

If you rearrange turds they are still turds. We suck big time. Like you all said all We can hope for is that Andre isn't in a Red Sox Uni and Kemp in a Yankees Uni next year....oh and hope Half this team isn't in a Dodger uniform.