Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
1939

Politicians
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." Tony C.

Tuesday

Joke
N°
1940

The Perfect Woman
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 40, and am looking for a woman with very big breasts. Vittorio F.

Wednesday

Joke
N°
1879

Happy Hunting
Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear. The Black Bear said, "Don, you've got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sex." Don decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Don soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him. The Grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake Don. Now you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex."
Again, Don thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge.
But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned round to find a giant Polar Bear standing there. The Polar Bear said, "Admit it Don, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?" Jack M.

Thursday

Joke
N°
1880

Relatives
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws." Ron C.

Friday

Joke
N°
1881

Truths About Growing Old1- Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2- Insanity is the only means of relaxation.
3- Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
4- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5- One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
6- God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will live forever.
7- I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
8- Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along comes today.
9- Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
10- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Lex C.

Saturday

Joke
N°
1882

Laws Of Slow People1- Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2- Slow people drive side by side too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3- Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors either.
4- Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5- If you stay behind a slow person in the grocery store, you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time. Ian B.

Sunday

Joke
N°
1883

Top 10 Things Men Know About Women...10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1- They have breasts Dave C.