the audio storytelling arm of Critical Point Theatre

May 24, 2016May 24, 2016

CCRH #5: Insist on Love, Chapter 5

Pastor,

Before you release the next episode of your podcast with those creepy conjoined twins I was hoping you could take a look at this passage from the novel I was working on. I think that once this is done my sister will FINALLY understand that it doesn’t matter how many times you are on the “New York Times Best Seller List”, what matters is which one of us has the most HEART! Which is me. I’m talking with some publishers about getting this guy out as fast as possible so she can see it. Any notes you have would be greatly appreciated!

***Quick note: Obviously, for legal reasons, this work it not yet copy-written so please don’t show this to anyone! These ideas are gold and I don’t want them stolen!!***

“Well, that depends on what you mean by once” Alice said with that trademark smile of hers. The kind of smile that could melt the walls of a bank vault. A really really big bank vault. That was normally really hard to melt. “In a lot of ways I feel like I’ve never really left Vegas, so yes, i’d say I’ve been more than once”

Don-er-I mean Ron, wanted to be the big, tough, police man he normally was but something about the way Alice smiled as she answered that question melted the walls of the bank vault he normally kept around his heart, metaphorically speaking. “Funny,” he said in his deep, sexy voice, “I feel the same way about Paris”

Alice’s attraction to him was obvious from the way she began vigorously licking her lips in the kind of way that seemed to scream “even if I was your sister I’d still want to make out with you.”

“Duhhh” Ron’s partner said with his big dumb stupid mouth that wasn’t even that hot. Certainly not as hot as Don’s mouth thats for sure. Everyone in town definitely agreed on that point. “I need to go potty! I gotta poopy!” Then he started crying like a baby.

“Wow, I can’t believe a big dumb idiot like that is your partner. I’d never want to be married to him.” “Someone has to take care of the poor idiot, isn’t that right Rodd?”

“Duhhhhhhhhhh”

“Ew, how gross.”

Ron rolled his eyes. He would never solve this case with a big dumb, not even a good writer like Rodd slowing him down. Sometimes when you are a bad ass police detective like Ron, you gotta make the hard choices. This was one of those times. He slowly removed his awesome sunglasses and fired his laser eyes at Rodd’s head which caused him to explode and it was really cool.

“Wow! You have laser eyes?? I bet if you burned down a house it wouldn’t even really be that big of a deal because what, Todd can’t afford another house??? Just sell your stupid Pulitzer Price that you shouldn’t have even won anyway.”

“I couldn’t agree more. I know that I’d definitely forgive someone if they did that. Especially if they wrote a book that was way longer than anything Todd wrote.”

And with that, they started making out and it was REALLY sexy.

Any notes are greatly appreciated!!! Thanks Pastor!!!

-Don

Featuring Matthew Schott, Catherine Santino, and Katherine Lazarus

Created by Matthew Schott
Edited by Trevor Scott
Theme Music by Chris Callahan