Tuesday, February 28, 2006

It seems the City is accepting RFP proposals for what to do with Governer's Island, now that the Federal Government has given it to the city (follow the title link to the application).

Might I humbly suggest that the collective resources of UMOUR are best equipped to determine precisely what to do with Governer's Island?

Certainly, Loudmouth Bill can come up with the germ of an idea that UMOUR can collectively work on and submit as an official RFP to the City as an official (and hopefully permanent) UMOUR Event.

Some of the more obvious possibilities are as follows:1. Do nothing. Prohibit any mass conveyance from reaching the Island. Canoes, however, are acceptable.2. Do almost nothing...import Llamas and other animals and allow Umour Island to become something like a vast urban terrarium.3. Create a sort of Guantanamo on Umour Island, but where we'll deposit (and keep an eye on) Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and others.

Alright, these are Lame. What should we do with Umour Island?Oh, and in case it's not obvious I don't consider it highly likely that the city will actually adopt the UMOUR Plan for Governer's Island. But imagine how fun it will be forcing City Officials to review a UMOUR Proposal, complete with seething implications and political overtones. If there are pictures, etc..., they would be forced to be exposed to UMOUR Ideas as part of their job!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene."I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and wasconvinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky!" he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."