Monday, September 24, 2018

Passwords and Heaven

9/25/2018

Seriously, What if, I mean What If getting into Heaven was as easy as remembering your
Password?Just to make those shimmering
Pearly Gates crack open, all you have to do is remember your Password.You know, the one with one capital letter,
two numbers, a special character and the answer to a riddle worthy of “Indian
Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark.”Yea
that Password.

The hours I have personally spent tormenting my family with
the modern-day question “What’s the password?” to…our home internet, my own cellphone, the
itunes account, amazon, my personal email.Shall I go on?Oh, I forgot the
internet in the new car, the Kroger Card account, the bank account, Venmo, Somebody
Stop Me!

Are you freaking kidding me?I remember the 12 months of the year, my times tables, the entire Soviet
Army Order of Battle, my wife’s Social Security number, no wait, still don’t
know that one.But for the love of Peter,
how many things have we all had to remember and memorize over the course of our life
time.For God’s sake, I have a Master’s Degree,
graduated from the U.S. Army Flight School, know a boat load of songs and
prays.So why the Hell can’t I remember my freaking Password?It alludes me on a daily basis, and most of
you just like that winning Lottery ticket.

So going back a few years when email and such were just
becoming a thang, a good friend of mine
said “Oh my God, how many times can you type in your kids names?”.Oh, how prophetic that one little group of
words became.For over the course of my
electronic life time I have used my kids names, my wife’s name, my dogs names,
my birthday, their birthdays, Password, drowssap, 123-456, sports teams that I
love, I hate, horses that have won the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, the
Bellmont, the Soap Box Derby!Somebody STOP
ME!For all things holy, it’s only eight
(8) characters.

So I can see it now.There I am, all spiffed up having left my earthly body far behind, ready
to punch in my Password to get into Heaven, Nirvana, the Great Beyond.I see St. Peter in the guard tower by the passgate
looking down upon my wretched soul waiting to see if I’ll pass the test.

“How may I help you.?”Says St. Peter himself.

“I’d like to enter my password St. Peter, for entrance into
the eternal Land of Milk and Honey.”

“Just punch it into the keypad right there in from of you
Mark.Don’t forget you only get three tries.”Says he.

So my shaking finger slowly, but confidently I might add, slowly
pushes in THE PASSWORD.

“Jesusis#1”….“Nice
try, but that’s nine characters.” Says The Lion.

“LuvAll!!”?

“Very nice Mark, but you’ve used two special characters.”Peter retorts.