Friday, March 30, 2012

Hola monos, me parece que he perdido mi pantalón.

So I went to Mexico a few weeks ago with the Mr, my girl Waffle & Mr. Waffle (both heirs to the Mrs. Butterworth's syrup empire). I had no expectations for this trip, other than escaping MN and possibly playing "hide the tamale" with a Ricardo Montalban lookalike on a sunny beach while drinking (hopefully) non-roofied margaritas.

Other than the weather being kind of a dick for the first day and a half (super windy, gray, but still fairly warm) (Our condo is the one next to the palm tree furthest to the left),:

the trip was, overall, awesome. The first night, the restaurant we had dinner at was on a lagoon, and this guy was hanging out right under where we were sitting. He was about 5-6 feet long and was begging for treats like a scaly, man-eating puppy:

These guys were perched near our condo for most of the time we were there. If I have to pick a non-human mascot for this trip, I'll just go ahead and pick "scaly, bitey thingies":

The obligatory "toes-on-the-beach" photo. Mine were already chipped and my feet were pretty mangled, and this was day one. Why I even try to class up the dive joint that is the wonder of Me is anyone's guess at this point. It's like trying to put lipstick and false eyelashes on a wet cat:

Then the weather stopped being an asshole and decided to play nice. This would be day 1 of the "What kind of messed up sunburn will Whiskey get this time?" game. Here's a hint: my legs looked like I was wearing pink thigh-high stockings, and I had a mystery half-moon burn under one boob:

Hey! You didn't tell me that your sexy Italian grandpa was going to be here too!:

Sorry, no pics of yours truly as every single one had other people in it and I don't have time to doctor pictures right now. Just Imagine Sofia Vergara in a bikini with my face and you'll have it about right. On a related note- there were a bunch of clearly over-30-something gals that were still rocking the pierced belly button thingy. Now, I may offend a few of you with this, but I have to be honest- it looks ri-diculous. I don't care if you're totally in shape, curvy, stick thin or built like a large apple- you need to cut it out. There are some things best left to the early 20-somethings, and along with Hello Kitty and the "69" position, this is one of them. Stop it already.

I love, love, love vacations, but I'm usually ready to go home to this little dude when they're nearing an end:

Also, other highlights from the trip in no particular order: Sand in my buttcrack, drunken life-coaching a 7 year-old Mexican girl, obsessing over the many exciting varieties of Mexican snack chips, eating my weight in guacamole, many fruity cocktails, a city bus with a strobe light and Latin techno music playing, salt water turning my hair into a rastafarian nightmare, and me and Waffle successfully crashing a very swanky wedding at the adjoining Omni hotel.

10 comments:

"There are some things best left to the early 20-somethings, and along with Hello Kitty and the "69" position, this is one of them."

Bahahahaha. Preach! I definitely took mine out when I was 21, in recognition of the fact that I was, indeed, too old for this shit. I have kind of a cute little scar where it was, if you are the type of person that can find a scar endearing.

I feel similar it's-time-to-stop rage when I see men over age 20 who still have pierced ears. When I was in high school most guys had an earring or seven, but now when I see them I just want to rip them out.

FYI and a propos of nothing, given that you don't know me from Adam, but...I thought you might be pleased to know that I can no longer follow your blog from work. It's been blocked due to "sex". Badge of honour, perhaps?