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San Antonio – Current Ground Zero for PvN

It has song, it has dance, it has pirates, and it has a Ninja King. I find it cute that Ninjas would bother having royalty amongst themselves. I mean, so what if you’re king of the pajama-wearing shadow puppets? You’re still a pajama-wearing shadow puppet, just like all the other pajama-wearing shadow puppets.

11 thoughts on “San Antonio – Current Ground Zero for PvN”

Well to be fair… they were born from a Shogunist system of government. Would only make sense to have a “king”.

As much as I love pirates and partying….. a ninja can completely kick a pirates ass. I’m just saying. That’s what they do. Pirates are inferior (like dogs) because they need numbers to actually amount to anything.

Wow, Q – I think you’re well on your way to getting yourself banned for life.

Ninjas are like ants. Or robots – all the same, and controlled by nothing more than hardwired algorithms from which they cannot stray. Defeating them is easy as they have many exploitable weaknesses:

1) If a ninja makes a noise, he or she must instantly commit sepuku. Line the decks with bubble wrap.

2) Ninjas cannot resist sushi. Throw a dead fish at their feet and then lop off their head while they’re busy consuming it.

3) Ninjas lead an exceedingly sheltered existence. If you have cleavage to reveal, do so – the ninja will be struck with many unfamiliar emotions and then explode.

4) Ninjas can’t resist transcendential riddles – sound of one hand clapping and all that lark. Simply ask the ninja some high-minded sounding gibberish with no answer (“If you kill me at sea, how can I be late for my own funeral in the spring?” or something). The ninja will cease killing you and begin to ponder. This is when they are weakest.

5) If all else fails, remember that a ninja can only see you while you’re in motion. Stand very very still until they give up and go away.

1. If you toss rum, gold, jewelry or tobacco over the side of a ship, the pirate will jump over board to try and catch it. Subsequently drowning themselves, or marooning to a small island if they are lucky.

2. If you blind a ninja, they shall rely on other senses where a pirate has no such discipline.

3. A pirate only has one shot per gun. Blind him/her with flash or powder and they will miss and be unable to volley again before death.

4. Pirates are generally malnourished making a poor fighter. Combine this with various amounts of STDs and health conditions.

Let us also look at weaponry if we are speaking in a one vs. one non surprise modified fight.

Pirate:
Flintlock pistol: One shot only.
Cutlass (but more then likely a puny knife): Crap.
Maybe a bottle of rum: Also crap.

Ninja:
Katana: a sword made from centuries of blacksmithing knowledge. 8 times the strength of a European blade.
Poison darts: Ooops, dart in your neck.. you’re dead.
Ninja Star/Throwing Knife: Death from 20 paces.
Flash Powder: You cannot kill what you cannot see.
Stink Bomb: Probably won’t overpower the pirates own personal stank.

Last night I watched a dorky show called “Deadliest Warrior” (on Spike, I’m ashamed to admit). It was Pirate vs. Knight. Duh! Needless to say, the Pirates whooped the Knights’ chromed fannies 2 to 1, but I’m thinking they missed a golden opportunity to pit Pirate vs. Ninja. Unless, of course, the Ninjas were afraid to take up the challenge…