Monday, June 17, 2013

As I was writing the previous post, I had an old comment floating around in the back of my mind. A comment from a reader a few years back, when I just started finding my voice in this raw style of journaling. She thanked me for my courage in posting my work, and then she commented about needing to work through her recent divorce in a similar fashion. She was still processing and didn't think she would be able to share that pain with anyone else. It made me sad for her, and I was curious if she, like so many others (myself included), have been told not to share their inner most fears/thoughts. This short conversation whispered in my thoughts for the past year, and was screaming at me as I finally sat down to write my previous post. Is this subject matter just to damn personal?? I had kept it from so many the past year as I went through a year of separation, another attempt at reconciliation, and even up until days before my divorce was finalized a short time ago.

This is why I write, journal, and paint about difficult moments in my life. I learned long ago not to hold onto the unspeakable as it creates a hollow dark space in my heart. I eventually have to bring it to light, as nothing dark can stay dark for long once it is confronted and exposed to the light.

How about you? Do you write, paint, draw, or speak about difficult moments in your life? Do you keep it all tucked away in the depths of your being? Or do you find a way to release it all? I am curious about your processes.

6 comments:

Liz
said...

I have a lot going on right now which I would definitely not be comfortable sharing at large. I can't even really talk about it with friends because of the "sensitive nature" of the whole situation. My journals are lifesavers. I pour it all out there, but none of it will ever see the light of day.

Oh yes, I completely get it Liz!! I too have many, many pages that I write out all my "stuff" just to get it out of my head. Believe it or not, I am a very private person by nature. So, all that stuff that I don't want anyone to read gets painted over so just tiny ineligible bits show through. I know it is under there, I know what it says, I protect those vulnerable words and in the process it brings more depth to my journals. Because, then I can keep writing, covering, writing, covering until my energy is spent, and I have nothing more to say. I am so glad you use your journals as a way to process when you can't say the words out loud. Sending you hugs and good energies during this time!

hello lisa, thank you for sharing. i have actually turned to painting at age 37 when i was seeing no road ahead of me where i was. i needed a change, a break, a new door. painting was a refuge, but sadly i got sucked into the business side of it too soon. i somehow lost my voice, although i was selling my art. now, i turned 50 and am being pulled back to inner work. visual journaling and sketchbooks are my venues, and probably a novel in the future. i have many pains which faded away in memory not because they were healed but because i just keep them shut down. i know i need to let them go and out into the light. the people involved are not in my life anymore, so they cannot critic me down to silence. turning 50, this is my gift to myself. thank you ever so much for your voice of courage!

I have come to realize that it is important to bring things into the light or they never get resolved. it can be via a private journal, a piece of mixed media art that can be interpreted many ways, a blog post. for me, the private conversations become a way of distilling the message that will become public- whether to a few trusted friends or a larger circle. I have come to realize that as much as I am a blabbermouth I haven't always used my voice to grow. thank you for your courage in sharing and the lessons that you've shared-

Thanks again, for putting to words the things that sometimes hold us back the most, I was raised by old world care givers and you NEVER spoke of personal things to people outside your immediate family and sometimes not even with them there were just some things that a genteel person kept to themselves, lol, it wasn't til I was into my late teens I realized we were far from a genteel family. I have come to learn that there is nothing too sacred to share if it helps someone else and betters the world we try to live in. I must admit I have a pair of rose colored glasses but I have learned when to take them off. Hugs