it gets harder and harder to live off of $552 per month. i have struggled with this problem since i had children to feed. and when i did get a little money it was spent on car notes and car insurance and apartment rents. which left little to eat properly. when my husband came along i hoped that he could change all that but i was mistaken. in maryland i was taught and prepared for my position. it seemed that the jews and scientist thought that it was a good teaching tool to make me struggle moneywise. that was at least 10 years ago. i don't understand why i don't move forward. why my husband cannot support me as he wishes to. the russian duma agrees with this mode of teaching. i have had enough of it. they are always hindering any progress that i make. one step forward and they make sure that i take two backwards. it keeps me uncertain and unhappy. they cannot force me to choose another man. bill clinton is my equal. any other man is too easily controlled and that is what they want for me. they want me to fall into the wrong hands and then swoop me up into a world that i wouldn't fit. that isn't putin's position because he understands. that wasn't yeltsin's position either. i do not endorse talking to the duma since they tortured me when they first learned of my existence in 1993. it seems that i am stuck. my children understand but i will like them to go forward with their life rather than be stuck with me. how do you say to a bad people that i will not be a threat to you if you change your ways? it sounds like i will intentionally harm them. it sounds like i would want to kill. i am non-violent but circumstances have led my protectors to retaliate. i have one need-my husband. i don't require or want anything or anyone else. you bribes and money offerings don't mean anything to my happiness. the fbi have been saying that they are sorry all over the place. is it not customary to say it appropriately? enough! dee is having night sweats very badly. he goes tomorrow to mcv and his doctor. he said that he will complain then. his fistulas are acting up as well. i ate a can of canadian chicken and my underarms are seriously breaking out with boils. it is under my right arm. this signals not only that the chicken was bad but that it was contaminated with salmonella or some other food poison. i have hardly healed from the last time and that was the cookout food. i hope that the pain of the boil extracting toxins leaves soon-that hurts. dee's lawyer has postponed his disability appeal to september. i must leave virginia. no one is threatening me but i can't abide the evil and the indifference here anymore. i must have been born to protest things that are cruel. there are those who can sleep at night and not care what happens. i still sleep at night but i think on how to change things. some times i am allowed to speak out immediately. sometimes i store this information until officials understand. eventually they say that i must now speak because it has gotten out of hand. their shame is obvious. i soften the blow. i wonder will the russians let everyplace i go be my albatross. i wonder if they will let my husband take care of me now.