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Friday, 11 October 2013

Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber: celebrity friends for ever

In a Rolling Stone interview, Cyrus reveals that she views herself as Bieber's mentor. Think of her as Ben Kenobi to his Luke Skywalke

Wordsworth and Coleridge, Van Gogh and Gauguin, Lewis and Tolkien, Cyrus and Bieber. To the canon of Significant Artistic Friendships, then, and a thrilling new entry, as Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber reveal the role they play not just in each other's lives, but in the cultural life of the early 21st century.

As your records will show, Miley recently deposed Gwyneth Paltrow as Earth's most polarising figure, with the entire planet required to stop what they were doing and declare whether they were for or against her. No vignette better sums up the hilarious overreaction to her VMA performance than the fact that Fox Sports actually dredged up the creator of the foam finger, who genuinely appeared to feel Miley rubbing herself with one had compromised the innate nobility of his invention. "Fortunately, the foam finger has been around long enough that it will survive this incident," this gentleman concluded. But: "She took an honourable icon that is seen in sporting venues everywhere and degraded it," he lamented, studiously ignoring the fact that the foam finger has itself degraded any number of classic rock tracks, and even elements of sport itself. (Anyone who can hear Queen's Another One Bites the Dust without imagining his creation being waved idiotically at some departing Twenty20 batsman's back is a purer soul than me.)

Mostly, as far as Lost in Showbiz can work out, you're supposed to be against Miley, with your outraged brothers-in-arms featuring everyone from all human parents to a zombie Walt Disney, who has been freed from his cryonic bonds beneath Cinderella Castle in Disneyland, and is hellbent on avenging the twerking of his legacy, of which Miley – who made her cultural debut as Disney's Hannah Montana – was once such a cookie-cutter custodian.

Is it wrong to really want Miley to simulate a threesome with Mickey and Minnie on her next stage outing? I expect so, but Lost in Showbiz can't help but see her as an amusing rejoinder to George Bernard Shaw's dreary suggestion that youth is wasted on the young. A rebel whose only cause is herself, Miley is incapable of opening her mouth without unleashing a weapons-grade version of the solipsism of the average teen – and an old square like me can get quite wistful just listening to it.

"I'm not that much older than him, so I never want it to feel like I'm mentoring him," began her discourse on Bieber. "But I do mentor him in a way. Because I've been doing this shit for a long time, and I've transitioned, and I don't think he's done it yet."