173. Potpourri of my new Domestic Discipline

MANTRASAs I shared in Post 169. Adding Ritual to Our DD, Mike told me (see Vocabulary below) to create a Morning Mantra to recite when I first wake up, and a Nighttime Mantra to recite when going to bed. Per his instructions I submitted several from which he could choose.

MORNING MANTRA“Today I desire submission;through humility, not humiliation,through service, not suffering, through being present, not in painthrough being useful, not used, through discipline, not punishment, through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.”

EVENING MANTRA“Thank you Mike. Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.Thank you Mike for deciding, as I trust you.I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

I say them three times whenever I am to recite them, and must do so whether or not Mike is with me. I must also be prepared to recite them anytime Mike asks. Again, the purpose of these is a focusing exercise to help put me in or keep me in a submissive mindset. I am working to get these memorized by the 17th when they will be required.

QUARTERLY GOALSOur new Contract has a Quarterly Goal Setting Requirement with consequences for not achieving the goal. Each quarter Mike sets a goal for me that is focused on my “inner peace or self-development.” It could take many forms. Mike said perhaps it would be to read a certain number of books and provide him a book report of sorts, or research a topic he has in mind and provide him a paper on it. The first goal was a bit more personal. It is to lose 18 pounds. That would put me at my weight when we were married.

That averages to 6 pounds a month, or 1.38 pounds a week (yes, I did the math). I think I can do it. And, although I accepted this goal without question or comment, Mike said he would commit to losing 12. That did prompt me to ask why not 16, which would put him at his “wedding” weight. He slyly responded, “I’ll commit to the extra four if you commit to another four.” Yikes! “No, Sir, 12 is great, thank you.”

There was a time I would have freaked out over Mike commenting on my weight. Today, I am inspired by his comments. The biggest difference, beside my submissiveness, is that I am completely confident in my appearance and Mike’s love for me. I will feel better, be healthier, and look even better for Mike. It has also helped that in the last two years I’ve shed about twelve pounds without really focusing on it. I did it mostly through just eating healthier as we had more home cooked meals and less take out.

Another 18 off would mean I would be down 30 pounds from my peak weight! Yea! The biggest challenge is that this has to occur over the holidays, where over indulgence is an easy thing – but I have a powerful additional motivation. I reminded Mike that I may have to buy MORE new clothes when I am done. That’s more motivation to me than any discipline I may receive if I don’t reach my goal. No spanking AND I get to shop!?!? This goal is going to be reached!

VOCABULARYMike noticed that, whether in my blog or in speaking, I often refer to things that he as “asked” me to do. He said this is not proper submissive thinking as he does not “ask.” Asking infers I can consider whether or not to comply. From now on he wants me to use words like, “told,” “ordered,” or “instructed.” Wow, this would be like a slap across the face of the pre-DD Jenny. But the today-Jen loves it!

WARDROBEAs shared in Post 168, my wardrobe is getting a makeover. Out with the t-shirts, pants, jeans, and sneakers (a select few will remain). In with dresses, skirts, and heels (and some new flats). Mike is allowing me to wear flats around the house. The heels are just for going out.

I have to give a big THANK YOU to jadescastle. She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration. I loved their selection and when I showed Mike, I was floored by his reaction. I am not disrespecting him when I say that his love for fashion is basically nonexistent – he readily admits it. However, he flipped out – in a good way – for what he saw. His reaction to many of the clothes was, “That’s exactly what I was imagining for you, let’s get that one, and that one, and that one too.” Well, guess what? That meant a bump in the budget! Maybe I should have Mike shop with me more often? Mike joked that it made sense for my clothing budget to at least match our sex toy budget – after all, I am his ultimate sex toy! By the way, Kayla’s getting some new clothes too!

KAYLASpeaking of Kayla, I haven’t written anything about her in all my posts about the new Contract. Simple reason is that she isn’t a party to the Contract. There isn’t anything in it that pertains directly to her, or with my relationship to her. But, I will say that watching her thrive under Mike’s Dominance was helpful in getting me to open up about being more submissive to Mike. Their dynamic has always been D/s with a dab or two of M/s. It is still different than what Mike and I have, but now has a few more similarities.

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SUBMISSIONThis point may have been lost on my prior posts, but this new Contract also marks us being willing to display our dynamic more publicly, even among family and friends – including our children. This doesn’t mean anything sexual or discipline wise – but does include how I speak and act (and dress).

Mike also told Kayla she is free to explain our relationship, at a high level, to whomever she wants – when it is appropriate. Mike advised Kayla there needs to be proper context such that her mentioning anything is actually relevant. In other words, she just doesn’t blurt it out, but she can explain it if asked about her relationship status. In addition, the explanation should be high level. For instance, Mike said that when she feels any explanation is warranted, the words she must use is that she is in a “polyamourous submissive relationship with a married couple.”

Beyond that, any other details are really no one’s business; however, it is reasonable to assume a typical reaction would be, “What does that mean?” Kayla’s response is to state it simply means what it means. She can answer some yes/no questions they pose, but she is to avoid details. Mike also told her that she needs to let him know any time she shared any information like this – who she shared it with, why, and what was shared.

REFLECTIONWow. This is so crazy when I think about where I was two years ago and where I am today. A full 180 degrees from DD Jenny Style to perhaps a somewhat more traditional D/s dynamic, if there is such a thing. I always say DD is about what you want it to be and what two people consent for it to be. It follows no specific formula, no specific rules, other than whatever brings joy and fulfillment to the couple participating in it. And as I’ve demonstrated, the things that bring joy and fulfillment can change over time and I am fortunate to have a Dom who changed with me.

In many ways Mike is now the “a-hole” that I once thought John was. (Post 20. Putting on a Show). Of course I mean that in the affectionate meaning of the word — HA! I state that because my only reluctance or doubts about what we are doing is in what others may think of Mike. While Mike is fine with this and said he doesn’t care what others think, it still concerns me. I want people to see him as I do. No matter how “D” Mike is, he is still my sweet, loving, and caring husband that he has always been.

i was so excited to pass on the information and had a feeling that you would all really immediately “get it.” It is inspiring, no? 😉 If money were no object, my “uniform” of sorts would be entirely from those stores or jeans. There is also a store i’m fairly obsessed with but haven’t bought from as of yet. It’s called Universal Standard, and has some really lovely classic pieces (pencil skirts, etc). Many of the pieces are in a section that if you buy them and loose weight within a year, you can return them for your new size. The returned clothes get dry cleaned and donated to women in a shelter. They very intentionally carry the same clothes across all sizes and i appreciate their political sensibilities tremendously. They are on facebook. If i find other ideas, i will let you know. i also think you might really enjoy an essay from a couple that deliberately lives their concept of a 50s household, “Paradigms of Power”, edited by Raven Kaldera. The book includes a number of ways people practice M/s, but i think Mike will really enjoy that one a lot. i’m so happy for all 3 of you….and a teeny bit envious too. 🙂

FYI. We found a great website for clothes for Kayla. Mike is getting her a few things from the sites u recommended, but wanted to get her stuff more fitting her age — FashionNova. He also wants us both to have a few more revealing, sexy, outfits. Shopping continues!! 😄

I know that I don’t know you two personally, but from what I gather reading your posts, Mike is a strong, confident, and consistent Dominant, who not only takes you in hand, but who also makes you feel loved and secure. That is a very special bond 🙂

Thank you! That’s exactly how I would describe him and I want others to view him. Of course, in my blog you read about him through my “love filter,” but I am happy to see that he comes across this way. It is a very special bond indeed! Thanks again!