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Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

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Well...This subject can get very..Interesting!

Before I answer completely Honestly because that is what I AM all about because quite frankly why would I even be here improving my life really? May I ask you a question please? Who is the person posing the question and what is your function and qualifications here at the Dr. Phil message boards. Thank You very much for your response to my questions. This is not a gun in your face nor do I take these questions light hearted airy or fun.. This place Dr. Phil.com actually saved my life 53 days ago I kind of think of it as a "Think tank" and I appreciate your response. Thank You. xox

I will

im sorry to here that

THATS WONDERFUL I HOPE IT DOES AND I HOPE YOU FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOUR LIFE COMPLETE AND MAKES YOU FORGET ALL OF YOUR WORRIES. NOW CAN I ASK YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING I KNOW THE ANSWER IS PRETTY CLEAR BUT I JUST NEED TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU WERE DATEING SOMEONE AND THEY COMPLETLY TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED I MEAN I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM YET NOTHING IS ENOUGH HE'S SO HORRIBLE TO ME HE ABUSES ME (VERBALLY,MENTALLY , AND PHYSICALLY) AND I KNOW ITS NOT RIGHT BUT I ALLOW IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AM I STUPID FOR STAYING WITH HIM. I'M ONLY ASKING BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO YOU IF I'M INTRUDEING PLEASE JUST TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE SORRY I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT.

KAYLEE

I was in an abusive relationship for ten years.I was 16 and he was 21 and I left him a numerous times before I finally grasped my own personality and left him for good.please dont stay in that relationship.It will get alot worse.If you want to talk to me more about that issue ill listen ive been there.my email address is najewski@yahoo.com

Body Image after pregnancy

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be. I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at. I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old. The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm. It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body. He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear. This doesn't really help my self-esteem. This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him. He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me. Is the problem with me? Am I making unnecessary strife between us? I cannot help the way I feel. As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday. It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life. I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general. But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room. He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing. It has an effect on us, and our sex life. He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off. Is there something wrong with me? Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

Body Image & Sex Appeal

hello everyone, i have a question to ask. i want to know if i should dump my boyfriend of almost 9 years because of this problem we have..i found i letter that my boyfriend wrote and this is what it said......

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"I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 8 years. She is a very pretty girl and she is also my best friend. We get along and agree on everything. We enjoy most all of the same things and I am very much in love with her. There is only one small little problem, She is skinny as hell. I mean she has a very nice shaped body, it is merely to thin. She is about 5' 3" and weighs between 115-117 Lbs. I always thought in the back of my head she would gain weight over the years, but she has not. Her mother is large and so is her brother, most everyone in her family except her. She always opts for low calorie foods and has a very small appetite in general. I however am suffering in a big way because I am VERY VERY attracted to fleshy, chubby women (whatever one wants to call them). I see them in stores, at the park on the streets, wearing their tight shirts and jeans. And as I notice the large soft supple beauty I feel my stomach go into knots because I know there is no way I can ever be with a woman of this caliper. I never have been able to touch and most likely never will *tears* You might notice the quagmire, MY best friend /love of my life or soft luscious beauty. Of course I am not so shallow, I need my best friend and I love her and do not want to leave her, but my craving for what I need on a sexual level is growing almost unbearable. Anyways, I tried to talk with her about it. She knows exactly how I feel but absolutely will not try to change anything to gain weight. She finds the whole idea to be repulsive and some form of self mutilation. She hates when I encourage her to eat or gain. The funny thing is , I love BBWs as much as the next guy but I am so desperate here that I would be really happy and consider it a huge improvement if she were to simply gain to like 130/140 Lbs Which is much better then 115Lbs. She will not even consider it. She actually loves me so much that she has fought with herself over this and occasionally caves out of frustration and says "I will do whatever you want" but that always lasts only for about a day. A day that feels very unnatural, I might add. She is miserable the whole time and It becomes very militant like I have her in boot camp. Not the kind of loving, feeding, nurturing I would like to share with her, as if it were to just be that way naturally. Some guys are so lucky just to have a chubby girl anyways and not have to be in this situation. I truly am burning with envy for all you lucky bastards, ( think of that next time you get to caress your womans soft belly roll in your hand. ) Atleast if I had that I could silently appreciate her chub even if she hated it. OHHHH I am sooooooo depressed. This has been a constant struggle in my head for 8 years. Please somebody help !!!!! Questions, comments , suggestions ,similar stories!! Anything would be GREATLY appreciated."&nbsp

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now my concern is that i dont want to be oblagated to change my body type. i wounder if im being selfish or to vain. this as become such a problem that, i think we may be better off not together. i dont really know what to do

YOU NEED TO LET GO

hello everyone, i have a question to ask. i want to know if i should dump my boyfriend of almost 9 years because of this problem we have..i found i letter that my boyfriend wrote and this is what it said......

&nbsp

"I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 8 years. She is a very pretty girl and she is also my best friend. We get along and agree on everything. We enjoy most all of the same things and I am very much in love with her. There is only one small little problem, She is skinny as hell. I mean she has a very nice shaped body, it is merely to thin. She is about 5' 3" and weighs between 115-117 Lbs. I always thought in the back of my head she would gain weight over the years, but she has not. Her mother is large and so is her brother, most everyone in her family except her. She always opts for low calorie foods and has a very small appetite in general. I however am suffering in a big way because I am VERY VERY attracted to fleshy, chubby women (whatever one wants to call them). I see them in stores, at the park on the streets, wearing their tight shirts and jeans. And as I notice the large soft supple beauty I feel my stomach go into knots because I know there is no way I can ever be with a woman of this caliper. I never have been able to touch and most likely never will *tears* You might notice the quagmire, MY best friend /love of my life or soft luscious beauty. Of course I am not so shallow, I need my best friend and I love her and do not want to leave her, but my craving for what I need on a sexual level is growing almost unbearable. Anyways, I tried to talk with her about it. She knows exactly how I feel but absolutely will not try to change anything to gain weight. She finds the whole idea to be repulsive and some form of self mutilation. She hates when I encourage her to eat or gain. The funny thing is , I love BBWs as much as the next guy but I am so desperate here that I would be really happy and consider it a huge improvement if she were to simply gain to like 130/140 Lbs Which is much better then 115Lbs. She will not even consider it. She actually loves me so much that she has fought with herself over this and occasionally caves out of frustration and says "I will do whatever you want" but that always lasts only for about a day. A day that feels very unnatural, I might add. She is miserable the whole time and It becomes very militant like I have her in boot camp. Not the kind of loving, feeding, nurturing I would like to share with her, as if it were to just be that way naturally. Some guys are so lucky just to have a chubby girl anyways and not have to be in this situation. I truly am burning with envy for all you lucky bastards, ( think of that next time you get to caress your womans soft belly roll in your hand. ) Atleast if I had that I could silently appreciate her chub even if she hated it. OHHHH I am sooooooo depressed. This has been a constant struggle in my head for 8 years. Please somebody help !!!!! Questions, comments , suggestions ,similar stories!! Anything would be GREATLY appreciated."&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

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now my concern is that i dont want to be oblagated to change my body type. i wounder if im being selfish or to vain. this as become such a problem that, i think we may be better off not together. i dont really know what to do

Sorry Guy but you need to let go of what ever image you think you want. If you love this girl as much as you say you do, then why on Earth would some girl at store catch your eye that much that you would insult your girl and tell her to gain weight. She NEEDS to be happy with herself and it's overly selfish of you to expect her to step below her own standards to satisfy your personal attraction. No way should you make her feel like she is not good enough, and that is what you are doing. You will drive her away with this attitude. She wants someone that will love her for her and not care what her weight is! I am sure you are not perfect, as none of us are. So please for the sake of her feelings and self worth, STOP with the nonsense. Or let her GO and you can go find what you need and then realize, looks and weight don't make one happy.

i hear ya

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be. I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at. I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old. The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm. It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body. He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear. This doesn't really help my self-esteem. This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him. He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me. Is the problem with me? Am I making unnecessary strife between us? I cannot help the way I feel. As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday. It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life. I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general. But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room. He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing. It has an effect on us, and our sex life. He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off. Is there something wrong with me? Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

I have two children my self. I am 5'7 and weighed 109 lbs when I was prego with the first one. I struggled to get back to my weight after both babies and I too felt so terrible about myself. I had so many stretch marks and flab on my tummy that doesn't ever seem to go away. My husband loved me no matter if I was 109 or 160 when I gave birth. I refused to let it affect us. I did the whole cover up thing too but got over it. You are still getting through this at an early stage. If you work on your mental being, you will be ok. After having baby things don't add up emotionally and mentally and we take things out of context. So your hubby says he loves you, so go with it. Wear something for him, there are outfits you can wear in the bed room that cover up enough but that are still sexy. Work with your need body, not against it. Hope that helps a litte =)

I'm right there now!

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be. I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at. I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old. The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm. It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body. He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear. This doesn't really help my self-esteem. This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him. He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me. Is the problem with me? Am I making unnecessary strife between us? I cannot help the way I feel. As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday. It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life. I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general. But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room. He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing. It has an effect on us, and our sex life. He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off. Is there something wrong with me? Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

Oh Gossssh!

I 'm too going through just exactly the same! I have a 3 months old baby boy and my belly is messed up real baaaaaaad because of the Csection I had and the stretsh marks .....etc. I gained 60 Ibs in my pregnancy and I was initially about 20 Ibs Overweight...I wasn't looking bad at all before pregnancy in fact I was so pretty as everyone was saying about me.now I look like a huge whale with scarres on the belly and hair allover...go figure what my hubby would feel like now!

well he says that he loves me and that he understands why I look like that now...blah blah..but whenever we go out and one of those blonde skinny tight jeans pass by him he almost drewls on her and stair as if he didn't see a female before,we don't have sex at all after a lengthy hot relationship for over than 4 years....he makes comments about my weight and I know he hates me being so fat. once I turn my back to him he looks at me with disgust because of all the fat I carry on my back...I'm not stupid ..let him say whatever..I know he hates fat women...

that's the only difference between you and me! you have a loving boyfriend.I have a selfish hubby otherwise everything else is quite the same!

Just your metabolism...

Its sounds gross, but i dont have a eating disorder and i dot have any bones sticking out of my body. Im picky eater. but i eat alot. especialy fatty foods&nbsp

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i dont know whats wrong with me.&nbsp

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You see all these people on dr phil with there weight problems.&nbsp

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Does weight problems only mean you need to lose weight?&nbsp

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like i wish i could gain weight, i try. i eat alot.&nbsp

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YET!&nbsp

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im so skinny.&nbsp

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It's just your metabolism.
I was just like you when I was in high school. I was sooo skinny, everyone thought I was anorexic. My gym teacher even pulled me in her office to "talk" about it.

Yet every day, I was stuffing so much food down my face. Lunch consisted of twinkies and ho-ho's with some chocolate milk. And NO, I did not throw it up later. I hated throwing up! I would never do that on purpose.

But by the time I went away to college, I started gaining a little weight. I filled out and looked normal. I was still far from being overweight, but I was normal looking for my height.

Now I am in my mid-thirties and I noticed that my metabolism has slowed WAY down. Over the last few years I gained an extra 25 pounds. I just shed that weight a few months ago and am back down to my college weight again (my normal weight). :)

Anyway, all I am saying is that you will eventually grown into your body. 14 is still young and your body hasn't finished growing yet. Believe me, it will and you'll fill out. Just try to lay off the fatty foods... and eat more veggies :)