When gurus talk about giving yourself self-love and not being so hard on yourself (ever wonder what they mean exactly?), here’s a more tangible look at what they mean:

1. When you are less than who you know yourself to be (when you screw up), love yourself enough to own up to it. That’s self-love even if it doesn’t immediately sound or feel like it. Whenever we see that what is happening “to us” is ABOUT us and about that something inside we haven’t grown or expanded emotionally to fill or healed yet, we love ourselves most.

Responsibility hurts way less than resistibility. When you get into a practice of things hurting you less, you’ve found a zone of self-love. Keep following that feeling.

2. That said, stop apologizing so much. Be more precise with your words and own up by having purposeful conversations AND, let’s face it, sorry or SORROW isn’t always what you mean. Sometimes “I’m sorry” is the meaningful, divine and direct response and sometimes it’s unloving to self.

You needn’t ever apologize for taking up space, for speaking your truth in love or for bumping another human in yoga class. Next time you want to say I’m sorry, pause and see if another expression or touch of humor isn’t more exact and loving — to both of you.

3. Whatever the specific grievance is around what someone else hasn’t done or isn’t doing for you, bring the focus back once again to YOU and get out or go IN and give that to yourself.

4. Remember that everyone is naked. In other words, EVERYONE is imperfect. Your friends, neighbors, family, and mentors all have issues and problems RIGHT NOW they aren’t necessarily talking about (and frankly don’t have to for you to feel the love that comes in accepting that in your imperfections your growth (and sexiness!) lies). The most attractive and emotionally strongest you’ve ever been is when you’ve surrendered to emotion and let yourself be seen in the mess, the slip or the fall and allowed others to give to you.

As a “strong” woman, I’ve never felt more soft and more loved by yours truly as when I’ve cried and ASKED girlfriends, in no uncertain terms, for support through my grief journeys and new normal as of late.

5. Don’t monitor what you want to say when it’s in service to your expression or growth of your art, your values OR your love for someone, especially when that someone may be someone who others disapprove of.

Self-love comes in following what our hearts say EVERY TIME and loving others fiercely especially when it’s the unpopular thing to do.

6. When nervous to speak in front of a room or in front of ONE person in a conversation you know needs to be had, repeating the words “I own my energy and no one else’s, I own my energy and no one else’s, I own my energy and no one else’s” while you love yourself enough to breathe deeper and deepest is soothing and loving to the nervous system who has done her best to be with you on this long, wild ride. The truth is that this kind of nervousness is not necessarily always aboutUS. Many times, it’s about what we think will be conjured up in THEM. In other words, spending too much time thinking about what they’re going to think or how you’ll look in their eyes or the space you’ll take up in their minds takes you out of your heart.

When you’re taken out of your heart and transported into your head, self-love feels really, really far away. And it is.

The higher vibration (of LOVE) brought on by these practices is how you’ll know it IS love, she/he, your truest love. . .

Something that you might have been afraid of is something that I used to be afraid of as well…

This idea that losses, health challenges or setbacks or of any kind would not allow me to grow my business to where I truly wanted.

Have you ever felt that? Do you feel that way right now?

If you’re fearing that you just may never get there because of what has sidelined you or caused a detour of sorts, you’re not alone.

You and I have both gone through times that hurt…that have detoured us…that have paused plans or that, at the very least, made us FEEL like we HAD to detour or HAD to pause our plans.

You and I have both gone through times that hurt…that have detoured us…that have paused plans or that, at the very least, made us FEEL like we HAD to detour or HAD to pause our plans.

We may have even felt (or currently FEEL) like we’d surely never get back to doing our purpose work or living the dream.

But the truth is it’s all purpose work. Your pain — those trials and tribulations — just as my trials and tribulations have been purposeful.

They have led you on a path, to a career, to a soul mate, to our full-bodied yes OR more full-bodied no. In other words, it has all brought you right here and right now, to you reading this — to me doing this work and you doing yours.

Weeks back I talked about purposeful pain and it’s true…this is how I see today’s pain. It eventually helps us (if we genuinely desire it) to grow tomorrow’s business.

Want to grow tomorrow’s business?

If you have ever felt like today’s pain was not going to move you forward or allow you to grow tomorrow’s business, let me tell you my story, not necessarily by telling you about what happened (though if you’ve been reading my work/words the last few years you will already know) but by sharing with you how I got through and still get through today’s challenges with the least amount of suffering.

It’s what’s worked for me.

Between experiencing three years of debilitating arm injuries as I started to write the Walking Momtra book, then back-to-back grief journeys with my brother and mom’s tragic passings (or simply said, one longer grief journey), I can assure you that going down this path in exactly this way on a daily basis with the “little things” and even with the big emotions has supported living inside my purpose and dream…

Let’s take a walk while we chat, shall we?

The B-SIDE: You’ll love this…we had to end the recording where we did because though my dog Holland never barks when he’s near me, he started barking loudly when I was about to conclude and say my official goodbye…

Here’s to your inner strength and resolve, Creative Heroine, keep moving from problem to solution in hopes of expressing to the world who you really are.

Enjoy your business, enjoy your life!

Life is good,

Michelle Ghilotti
Couture Brand Creator & Success Coach

p.s. I can tell you exactly where I was when a fellow entrepreneur friend said to me, “I feel like your business has actually grown since Dino passed away…is that true?” It shocked me as I hadn’t made much time to think about it through the journey. But she was right, it had. Through the work I had done on myself and what I had learned from wonderful teachers and healers, I had discovered something that moved me through the pain that really did work. Check it out HERE. xo