No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

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I'm not disagreeing at all; not making a comment on her method. I'm reporting ours.

It takes a certain kind of person in America in the Year 2012 to be willing to listen to criticism: too many people disregard it or take offense, rather than see it as an opportunity for improvement. So it goes.

No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

I'm not disagreeing at all; not making a comment on her method. I'm reporting ours.

It takes a certain kind of person in America in the Year 2012 to be willing to listen to criticism: too many people disregard it or take offense, rather than see it as an opportunity for improvement. So it goes.

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It's not about criticism, necessarily. It's an interpersonal relations thing that goes much deeper than that.

Say Mr. Sphinx's mom would like to come visit the grandchildren. She tells us she will be here one week. Say I feel like that visit is too long.

It would be a very bad idea for me to call Mr. Sphinx's mom and tell her four days is the max. The reason is that it would cause any insecurities to bubble up more than if Mr. Sphinx made that call. He knows the best way to phrase the "suggestion." She would feel most comfortable voicing her feelings to her son in whatever way she always has.

I'm not saying it always has to be this way. I do think sometimes people fail to recognize just how sensitive even small things can be in in-law relations. Especially once grandchildren arrive.

It's not about criticism, necessarily. It's an interpersonal relations thing that goes much deeper than that.

Say Mr. Sphinx's mom would like to come visit the grandchildren. She tells us she will be here one week. Say I feel like that visit is too long.

It would be a very bad idea for me to call Mr. Sphinx's mom and tell her four days is the max. The reason is that it would cause any insecurities to bubble up more than if Mr. Sphinx made that call. He knows the best way to phrase the "suggestion." She would feel most comfortable voicing her feelings to her son in whatever way she always has.

I'm not saying it always has to be this way. I do think sometimes people fail to recognize just how sensitive even small things can be in in-law relations. Especially once grandchildren arrive.

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Cindy, I'm not giving you advice. You seem to be on the right path.

As my words set this forth, my comments were about MY family's communications. At no point did I recommend this to anyone. Take a look at what I wrote.

In the case I am thinking of, the individual who becomes upset generally feels unappreciated. This causes her to look for instances in which proper levels of appreciation are not shown. Christmas becomes an exercise in showing appreciation, which must take the form of expensive gifts that are exactly as the recipient wanted.

The funny thing, though, is the person I am thinking of is a huge shopper. She loves shopping herself, which means she owns everything and is impossible to buy for. She also doesn't think shopping is a huge chore, so if someone doesn't spend enough effort, well . . . this shows a lack of appreciation.

My sample size is just one, but it does explain how an adult acts out on Christmas day.

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Happy New Year Cindy! And other Talk Tennis members.

I do know of one person who acts this way also. But she has a serious problem with alcohol, so I blame the behavior on the alcohol.