Challenging Feminism

Not because of any fashion or makeup trends…although, I will say…I don’t quite understand the reemergence of the shoulder pad.

But because of all the recent hyper focus on…feminism.

The Women’s March, International Women’s Day, protests, walk outs, I mean, we get it already…

But to be honest, I am confused by the whole matter.

Women are not marginalized in the United States of America.

What are they fighting for? Why all the anger?

Now listen, I know that this post is probably going to garner a lot of backlash, but you know what, that’s okay. I would love to hear thoughts on all sides of this issue. Truly. Every person is entitled to their own viewpoints, and I respect those feelings, even if they differ from mine. And of course, there is always room for improvement in removing some lingering issues, (representation in senior management, ensuring equal wages), but there is no attack on women.

But again, I don’t know what women are fighting for.

Is it because we have access to health care?

Is it because 57% of enrolled college students are female?

I’ll repeat that….57% of college students are female.

Is it because women can hold any job they desire, up to and including the President of the United States?

Is it because women can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, drive a car, vote, go to school, worship freely, and have/adopt children here without the say or approval of a man?

I just don’t get it.

Perhaps they’re marching for the end to rape. Okay. That’s truly a phenomenal cause, and I salute that.

But I honestly don’t think a march is going to change that. You know what might? A change in our culture. Maybe we need to reconsider the messages that we’re sending to young boys and men in society about how to treat a woman. Perhaps we shouldn’t be referring to women as “bitches and hoes” in our music and television. Perhaps we shouldn’t be objectifying or infantilizing grown women in our advertising. When we reduce a person to mere body parts or tools for pleasure, it’s no wonder that men feel they have the ability to take advantage. Perhaps we should challenge the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Perhaps we should be changing the narrative on that, and reclaim our dignity as women and prize our sexuality and virginity for what it is.

And women, we’re not off the hook either. Listen, I love a little black dress more than anything. Especially if it’s backless. But if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble. Of course men should be able to control themselves. “Asking for it” is never, ever, ever an excuse. But if we’re not respecting our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to?

The biggest thing I have a problem with, is women who are marching for abortion rights.

So much of feminism is tied up in the sexual revolution and the emergence of The Pill. The cry of feminism for women to have the sexual freedom that men “have” is the exact antithesis of what true feminism really is!

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

“But we’re fighting for a woman’s right to control her own body.”

Okay, terrific. That’s important.

But here’s the thing. Abortion is different because it involves two bodies: the mother’s and the baby’s. Her decision is not just hers, but her child’s. How is ending another human life controlling her own body? That sounds to me like controlling someone else’s body.

You want to fight for the marginalized? How about you start with the smallest and most vulnerable of them all? – The child in the womb.

Frankly, I have been so disappointed to be a woman here recently. All the photos of women wearing red, and proclaiming that they’re boycotting work to show what it would be like to have a world without women.

This whole feminist movement thing, it just smells of domineering, desperate estrogen, if I’m being really honest.

I am uniquely female. God made women as the crown of creation. We bring life into the world. We are relational. We are receptive. Feelers. Communicators. Soft. Delicate. Those things are who we are by nature.

Frankly, it is unnatural to try and dominate a man and emasculate him.

I think one of the most beautiful things we can do as women is to let a man be a man, and challenge him to rise to his highest form of masculinity: providing for his family, protecting, guarding, leading. That is what a man’s heart longs for: adventure. Rescuing. Providing.

Their inherent natures and our inherent natures are a complimentary pair. Perfectly in harmony.

Maybe if we call out men to be those types of upstanding men, and we their equal partners, complimenting each other’s traits, perhaps all the other things will work themselves out. Because a man called to true masculine greatness will respect a woman, her body, her mind, her talents, abilities, passions.

Because at the end of the day, feminism is not a bad thing. But its definition has been bastardized in recent times. Feminism is the revolution of femininity – in all its forms.

We, as women, bring with us, our uniquely feminine traits – our feminine genius – into each and every role we take on, whether that be a teacher, a business exec, a mother, a nurse, the President, a professional athlete. Those uniquely feminine traits make us exceptional at those things, and should be celebrated.

A woman is a unique being: capable of all that a man can do, and more. We are the bearers of life. Why are we fighting that which makes us most powerful?

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700 thoughts on “Challenging Feminism”

Wow. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t agree with what feminisim has become but I could never figure out how to put it into words. This post is exactly it. Especially they part about rape. I don’t know why men and women are compared. It is like comparing apples and oranges. Thank you!!!

BBB, thank you for finding the courage to say this! I agree that the harmony between a man and woman is a beautiful thing that has been lost to the majority of our culture.
I don’t comment on each of your posts, but I pray for and bless you after each one! Keep up the good fight! 💗

Perhaps we shouldn’t be objectifying or infantilizing grown women in our advertising. When we reduce a person to mere body parts or tools for pleasure, it’s no wonder that men feel they have the ability to take advantage. Perhaps we should challenge the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Perhaps we should be changing the narrative on that, and reclaim our dignity as women and prize our sexuality and virginity for what it is.
^ Part of the problem is women are objectifying THEMSELVES. They don’t need the media, porn, or men to do it for them. An Instagram account has served quite nicely. And, by all means, let’s Free the Nipple! *rolls eyes*

Oh my gosh SO true! That is absolutely a big part of the problem. Yeah, i am not keen on that “campaign” either. it makes me sad, frankly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to read! i really appreciate it! hugs xo

I think you are a great writer but I have to say I disagree on some of the points you’ve made. I guess for me personally the main one is where you write about the “very essence of being a women is the ability to bear children”. I’ve never been maternal and as an adult I still don’t want to children. I don’t think this makes me any less of a women then those women who want children but physically can’t have them, for whatever reason.

Secondly, I find your descriptions of men and women very stereotyped and old fashioned. I know women who better fit your description of what a man is and vice versa, and I think they should be encouraged to embrace themselves as they are, rather than feel ashamed or upset that they are not a masculine man or a feminine women. A man can also be receptive, delicate and soft. A woman can also be the provider, the protector, the leader and the adventuror.

Thank you so much for sharing this perspective, Natalie. You bring up a lot of great point. You’re right, we are all unique in our personality traits and our make up and physical tendencies. And that doesn’t make us more or less women than the next. And it’s true, women can absolutely be the providers! I guess i was just trying to say that she is exceptional in that role because she brings her uniquely feminine traits to that…be it powerful critical thinking skills or strong relational prowess. 🙂 Thank you so much for joining the dialogue! I truly love hearing all viewpoints and ideas. Have a great night! hugs xox

This was also my thought, and I thank you for sharing it so well – not sure I could have worded it as nicely 🙂 I am a happily married woman n a marriage in which I am loved, cherished and insanely happy – that being said we are the complete opposite of the gender stereotypes – my husband is the quieter, gentler and more emotional one in the family. We have discussed adoption and he would love to be a stay at home father should that work for us. I, meanwhile, am the A type personality – driven, career motivated and planning on continuing to be the provider in our home. The difference in our roles I don’t believe define who I am as a woman, or him as a man, and we compliment each other beautifully.

Thank you so much for sharing this. i think you’re right, males and females are a perfect pair and complement each other wonderfully. and we each have unique traits that we bring to our different roles, whatever they may be, that make us exceptional at them! you bring uniquely feminine traits – such as strength and empathy and strong relational skills and critical thinking and multitasking – to your career, and that is so awesome and should be celebrated! 🙂 thanks for sharing this. so glad you stopped by! hugs xox

Love. This. POST. I feel too many people are concerning themselves with *sameness* instead of equality. A woman doesn’t have to be “like a man” or “do what a man does”… You make an excellent point about the uniqueness of being female and the lengths people are willing to go to dismiss it completely. We are made differently for a reason! Not to be less than, but to bring something unique and irreplaceable to the world. I don’t think it’s just women though. There’s a noticeable change in men and how people view traditional masculinity as well.

Thank you so much 🙂 I’m so glad this resonated with you. Yes! We bring our uniquely feminine traits with us into whatever role we occupy — and that makes us exceptional! 🙂 Yes!! Love what you said there. thanks for sharing your thoughts! big hugs xox

As a man, I have found it to be tantamount to a suicidal mission to talk about feminism with feminists. I have “committed suicide” many times!

Voices like your’s are needed in our society and culture. You are clear in the articulation of your opinions and beliefs, AND you speak as a woman who is fully engaged in the very culture that the feminists are demanding ALL men and women to change in accordance with the current Feminist paradigm. (The “ideology” of Feminism has dramatically changed over the years).

Great post. I love how you addressed the sexual revolution and connection to the increased marginalization/objectification of women. If you haven’t already done so “The Birth of the Pill” and “Adam and Eve after the Pill” were two really helpful reads for me. Keep up the great work.

Mic dropped this post out of the water! So incredibly well written and thank you for posting this!!! It’s so refreshing to hear such a beautiful young woman as yourself standing up for the unborn and just unapologetically owning your stance. Bravo dear friend! Bravo!

ahahahah thank you so much Apes 😉 It’s a bit of an unpopular opinion, especially among us millenials, but I think more people secretly hold those feelings, they’re just afraid to speak about it. Or they hold those feelings without really knowing they do. They just need a little nudge of encouragement to realize it — in whatever way that is…a blog, a school presentation, a positive-lyric’ed song.. 😉 love ya Apes!!! xoxoxo

Well it’s not often we see such brave words in a lopsided society such as ours. Having issues that we don’t agree with crammed down our throats daily will become a thing of the past, I hope.

Thank you for this post because it says EVERYTHING I’ve ever thought of Feminism. The thing I worry about most is my 8-year-old son growing up and feeling as though he has to apologize for being a man. NOT ON MY WATCH!

I also try not to perpetuate the Princess Syndrome with my young daughter. Telling girls they are princesses their whole lives does not promote equality. I do encourage her in every way that I can, but no one should be placed on a pedestal simply because of their gender.

Thank you again. I would give you a thousand standing ovations if I could, but I think The Rock will have to do. 😉

oh my gosh, thank you again for the encouragement. it sounds like you are an absolutely awesome mom. your kids are going to grow up to be the ones to make the positive changes in our world! i’m applauding you for that! just like The Rock 🙂 hehe thanks again for joining the dialogue! big hugs xoxoxoxo

Hi this is a really well balanced article. You are right to point out that in most western cultures being a woman shouldn’t mean you are repressed or limited simply because of your gender. There is a balancing argument that men have a lot of issues in society (violence against, incarceration rates and sentencing times, paternity rights etc – and that’s before we get into the subliminal man shaming bullshit dished out by men and women).
The clear difference is that they don’t have a voice, well, because its not a valid argument to complain about being a man. Ok that’s fine, I really don’t have an issue with gender, I’d rather be respectful and celebrate the good things about being a human and being male or female.

Thank you so much for this reflection. Yes! we should celebrate our humanity and everything that we each uniquely bring to the table, because we have special abilities and talents, no matter what gender, religion, race, nationality, etc. I appreciate this food for thought! big hugs xox

I think everyone has their own definition as to what feminism is. I’m not on board with those who believe in abortion and all that, but that’s just one spectrum of it all. I believe in fighting for women because so many people in the world do not see us as equal. When I was growing up, I was often told I could not do things that my YOUNGER brother could do because I was a girl! When I was in high school, I worked at a Quiznos where all the guys hired after me were offered 2 to 3 dollars more an hour because my bosses were super racist and sexist. When I asked them for a raise that was equal to my coworkers, they literally told me I was too small and weak and not valuable to the team. I quit immediately! I’ve also been harassed just walking down the street in a t-shirt and jeans, and when I ignore the cat calls, I’m called a bitch! Do men have to deal with that? Not usually. I may not agree with all the reasons as to why women feel they need to march and protest, but I support my fellow women in their fight to show the world that we are equal and that we deserve respect!

Thank you for sharing this, Emmy. I appreciate the perspective. Yeah, that’s not fair about your wage inequality. Again, there are still some issues that need to be resolved, fair pay being one of them. And I can definitely relate to the street calls – in NYC if you’re female that can walk on two legs, you get catcalled. we need a change in culture where that is no longer acceptable. Respect is a non-negotiable….no matter who, what, where, when, etc. Thanks for the great food for thought. i sincerely appreciate it! hugs to you xoxo 🙂

Yeah, definitely! But I also agree with you that ultimately, change needs to start with us within our culture. My son is only 6, but I do my best to raise him to be respectful. Luckily, my husband is an amazing example for our son, and unfortunately, not all boys have a great father figure to look up to (and that’s a whole other subject on what’s wrong with our society !!) Anyways, great insight! Have a great day!

Hi bbb, just getting back into the dating mess,,, ah, er, mix, yes that’s it after the scarlet “D” divorce, and after a few tries it seems I do not want to get entangles in the whole High School drama thing again. Thank you for the hope of maybe being fortunate enough to meet a like minded woman. It is a mess out there. Hope you find your Godly man. I at least think I have an eye half open for an elusive woman who is kind and loves God deeply.

Awesome post! You are right on all counts. I truly believe that men are just absolutely confused as to what women want from them because there are so many signals all shooting different places. I also understand the women’s argument on that we should “control” our bodies and I have never heard it put so beautifully as you did, abortion IS to control the body of another. And if they would take a moment and see just how girls and women are treated in many countries and cultures they would know just how blessed we are. We desperately need a move back to the sanctity of marriage, I really believe much of this rage and hate stems from young women who have really felt pressured by society into sexual relationships, one after another, because society says that is what people are “supposed” to do and then they are left hurt, and wounded because something that was designed of God to be precious has been lost.

Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection, Nina. I think you’re right – we are so incredibly blessed here in the United States. And you’re right, that preciousness or perhaps innocence – has been lost, be it by peer pressure, what society dictates, or what pop culture demands, but it has been lost and that is a very sad thing. thanks for stopping by! hugs xx

I was at a forum on resource exploitation. The presenter held capitalism as the cause of that evil. In the Q&A, I was pointed out that his definition of capitalism read like it was written by the Soviet Politburo.

I’m having somewhat the same reaction to your piece.

Feminism is an attempt to elevate issues that historically were considered to be in the home, often managed by women without compensation. On the seamier side we have sexual exploitation and abuse, but it doesn’t stop there. It also has to do with the long-term social consequences of policies that place enormous stress on families. An example might be corporate welfare justified by the economic elite under the rubric “poor people are just lazy,” but it includes the failure to recognize the positive impact of parental leave in cementing family bonds.

Historically women “made do” when these problems came up. I think that “feminism” as understood by its founders meant making these issues part of the public debate, in part to ensure that problems were not exacerbated by legislatures whose concerns were focused by lobbyists for moneyed interest. Such self-serving policy-makers hypocritically claim common cause with Christian middle-America, many of whom are under stress enough without upending the social contract that supported men as sole breadwinners.

Your selection of issues is familiar from conservative think tanks interested largely in delegitimizing feminism. I think that even the original feminists had a far more nuanced view. If they sometimes chose issues that seem prurient now (“Free the nipple” was mentioned above), that should be seen as taking a page from Mohandas Ghandi, who led a salt march and spun his own cloth in protest against British monopolies. The feminists weren’t about showing nipples. They chose a universal aspect of the female experience with the goal of encouraging women to be comfortable with their bodies, rather than allowing corporate America to profit from the insecurities instilled by Madison Avenue. Given that many of the teenage girls in my son’s high-school class went in for breast augmentations, I believe that we still have a great need for the feminism (properly understood).

Thank you so much, Brian, for this thoughtful response. There’s a lot of truly terrific food for thought here. I agree, that making these issue part of the debate is important, especially for change. Thanks for stopping by and sharing this perspective!! hugs xox

Sorry if I went over-the-top, Caralyn. I get a little crazy sometimes. I try to see what is good in every situation, and can become a little unhinged when the emphasis is placed on what is in the shadows.

And that’s super interesting about Ghandi. I did not know that about his march. I really puts a different spin on the whole “propaganda” aspect of it. Clearly, your words and ideas here are still spinning around my brain as I’m falling asleep 🙂 haha

Feminism like race is a social construct. Or better, its promotion is creating a separate race and losing its conscious effort toward the inclusion of women in society on all levels. Like, similar efforts of inclusion from other activists. Can all women receive healthcare centered toward women? I agree, they are different mammals. Can all women really make it to college and represent all women in professional careers? Most graduate programs are slowly churning the single digits for females and even worse is wasting 8 years and a quarter million on education and not able to get a job. We accept a social contract as Americans and if you are not “American” in look, traditions, or social standing you are behind and just, unnecessary. That’s what a lot of these protests are considering and I agree that abortion is not accepted in Christianity but neither was accepted slavery, favored classism, passes for plundering plutocrats, abuse toward women, and polygamy even though the church did allow all these ideas because of the social contract of the time between the church and its people or relieving these chosen few of their money in support of the church and their causes. To counter feminism is okay, I would like a better world for my daughters that includes them because it sure didn’t include me.

thank you for this great food for thought. lots of great points to ponder here. I would love a better world for our children too. theres a lot that society dictates that i wish we could change. one day hopefully. thanks for stopping by. hugs ox

My mom was raped. I didn’t ask to be born. She didn’t have the money for an abortion so she left when I was born. I’m glad you had a pretty good life, college, apartment in Manhattan…just be aware of not being too self righteous to those that do no walk your path. That, is probably the biggest problem with society is it requires a bit more responsibility among the poor and a bit less patronizing at the top.

Gosh, Kenzie. That just breaks my heart to hear what your mother went through. I am so sorry to hear that. You’re right, there are a lot of things that I haven’t personally experienced. My sincerest apologies if this came of as insensitive. That was truly not my intent. We all have different journeys and every encounter presents an opportunity for compassion and growth 🙂 and i for one, am glad that you are part of this world and alive to share your powerful thoughts and perspective. i am grateful to have you in my life! hugs xox

I think Kenzie and Brian elevated my thinking. I believe the ‘feminism’ we react negatively too is a manipulation by the media etc to derail and deflect from the issues at hand. Instinctively I reacted to the post getting into the idea yes, there are I,prove wants so why all this agitation. But the fact remains, more women are compromised, subjugated, marginalized that we like to think, and the ongoing presence of this ‘agitation’ in our midst is a clear indication of this. If we all sign up in principle to the idea of inequity, just like we would with ‘racism’ etc then we get somewhere. But to pick on certain issues like ‘for’ or ‘against’ abortion or ‘marriage’ versus ‘co-habitation’ then we focus ‘personal choices’ rather than on systemic and societal inequities. So in principle we have to battle with the the problematic word ‘feminism’ and remember at its core it is about injustice and inequity. All of us therefore could agree on that.

You go, girl! I’ve been a vocal critic of modern day feminism mainly for my pro-life convictions and I’ve gotten tons of literal, visceral hate for it, so I wanted to leave you a positive comment and to show everyone like us that we aren’t alone.

Thank you so much rebecca! oh gosh, I’m so sorry that you’ve been receiving backlash for your beliefs. sending big hugs. hang in there. I really appreciate the encouragement. You’re right, holding these beliefs today can definitely be a nerve-wracking thing!big hugs xo

Excellent post, BBB. Ironically, we both posted an article on feminism within minutes of one another! (I will refrain from unabashadely posting a link to it here.) We absolutely need to here more voices like yours on this topic. Blessings 🙂

Somehow I think you are missing the point, although much of what you write is quite true. I appreciate your writing very much even though I often disagree with the “politics”. However. The truth is that despite it being a fabulous thing, having children is something that has been used to keep women under control for a long time. In terms of having a viable world? and healthy children? having no ability to restrict pregnancy does not produce a positive result, either. Poor child health and nutrition is a HUGE problem, and nobody really seems to be talking about that. I guess abortion is more “exciting”. Having reproductive control over herself, and not having some male or insurance company decide what can be done, is crucial to a woman being able to, in many cases, support herself and the family she chooses to have. If you disagree with abortion, that’s fine and you should not have one. But I do not believe it gives you the right to prevent others following their own dictates. There can be concern with late term abortions, for sure. But early term abortions are not terminations of viable human beings, which makes blanket rejection a somewhat specious argument. I generally wonder what people’s positions on the death penalty are, too, when abortion is a question. Also. Women ARE under attack. The pay inequity is stark. The opportunities are, in truth, limited. Health care, child care, basic things like that? are not available to many- it’s all a matter of money and who has it. You may not yet have had your fill of salacious remarks, inappropriate touching, (and not related to provocative dress, to be clear) dismissal of ideas and contributions and downright rip off of same in combination with being trundled off to second class work world unless total obedience to the paradigm is manifested- but all that exists and is getting stronger, and serves no one. Feminism, like every other -ism, and language in general now, gets distorted unimaginably. But women ARE a dispossessed group in many ways and feminism seeks- or should, anyway- to educate everyone in order to rectify a dysfunctional situation. Oppression of women allows men to not be who and what they are, as well. Enabling people to stoop to every occasion is not a recipe for success. I also agree that stridency, name calling, isolationism and intolerance are not acceptable in ANY venue. Patriarchy has been, to say the least, debased over the centuries and it doesn’t serve the highest interests of men OR women. This is what needs to change, and what I believe the essence of feminist action truly is. Responding to your point of view as well, I think the essence of what Christ tells us is: love is the way. Let’s hope we can work on all this together!

Thank you so much for joining the dialogue and sharing your thoughts so eloquently. I truly appreciate hearing all sides and learning from others! In terms of abortion, for me it goes down to my belief that life begins at conception, therefore, no matter if the abortion is partial birth, 2 weeks or even a “Plan B” pill, for me it does not matter because life is life. But I respect that other people do not hold that belief, and that’s okay. Also, one thing that I didn’t add in my post, is that I have actually been sexually assaulted. So I have experienced the malicious degradation of women first hand. But I’m right there with ya on that: love *is* the way. And there in lies the hope 🙂 I have so appreciated hearing your views and perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read! big hugs xox

I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. Women are definitely marginalized in the US. It’s not just a pay gap, it’s the fact that women don’t receive the same opportunities as men. Yes 57% of women are college students, but a majority of those women never make it into STEM positions. Technology is a male-dominated field, I would know, I live in a technology-dominated area. Women don’t get casted to direct action movies. And that’s just women who aren’t POC or part of the LGBT community. It’s even worse for those women. That’s why intersectional feminism matters.

Traditional female representation is pathetic. It depicts women solely as objects of male desire which brings me to your point about women “sexualizing” themselves. That’s not what it’s about. A traditional view about women is that women dress up to impress men and that isn’t the case. Plenty of women dress up for themselves and that’s okay.

Lastly, to your point about abortion, I firmly believe it’s a woman’s right to choose whether she has a baby or not. It impacts HER body because SHE has to eat for two for 8 months, SHE has to go through morning sickness and hormones for 8 months, SHE is considered legally disabled while pregnant. Pregnant can and does destroy teenage girl’s lives. That’s why they need access to abortion and illegalizing abortion doesn’t just magically make it go away. Women just try to abort the baby by themselves and they could get very badly hurt.

Hey girlie! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and joining the dialogue. You bring up a lot of really great points. Yeah, there are definitely a lot of areas that need improvement in terms of equality. And I fully appreciate that I’m saying these things as a caucasian female. There are lots of things I have not personally experienced, and i agree, all people, no matter gender, race, orientation, nationality, etc, *all* people deserve respect and equality and dignity and to feel welcome and valued. Lots of great things to ponder here. thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a great rest of your night! hugs xox

Absolutely! I sincerely value the dialogue! i appreciate hearing all different viewpoints. that’s one of the beautiful things about life, is that we can share different beliefs and yet still respect each other and be friends! 🙂

Beautybeyondbones you are a feminist and dont even know it. Feminism is fighting for equality. Thats all. So even though its come to mean many things we need to bring back the true meaning of feminism and show people what it means to be a feminist and bring more equality in the world

I think if our goal is to increase the amount of women in STEM fields that means we make sure they are adequately prepared for such a track while they are still in high school…that is a whole other discussion though.
May I ask how you think women are legally disabled while pregnant?

Just because you aren’t feeling or witnesses the effects of why we need feminism doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
On paper, we all have EQUAL rights. Sadly, reality tells a much different story.
How people are treated for just being a minority or a woman is atrocious. The United States is ruled by old, white men who are out of touch with reality.
I was sexually harassed at a place of work years ago by the boss/owner of company. You know what the general consensus was by my recruiting company/counselor/co-workers? I was wearing something that “showed the shape” of my breasts.
Yes, blouses that completely cover my chest and were plain somehow made this boss of mine bold enough to make comments and stare at my chest for long periods of time (I was the admin assistant/front desk person). I caught him many times and asked him what he was doing. No answer, kept staring. I quit. I fought a mental battle with myself and hated myself.
But that isn’t a unique story: this happens to so many women (and men, too).
Now please, not all men are like this and not all women are constantly angry or threaten/feel threatened by men. What people see when they see feminists on TV is anger and marches; rarely do you see the why’s (or choose not to).
Words like “triggered” get thrown around every time a woman has an opinion that isn’t the general consensus.
It’s fine to have religious beliefs and/or be pro-life; after all, your body is your body! But…in no way, shape or form does anyone have the right to tell another person what to do with their body. More to the point, some of these politicians have zero knowledge of the female anatomy. Some of them actually believe we can hold in our blood and make it come out at will. I don’t want that moron to be in charge of what he clearly knows nothing about nor care (or the life a goldfish, for that matter).
But above everything else I’ve seen on this particular post is the men agreeing with the idea feminism is overrated. It’s almost funny, if not a little sad.
Of course they agree; they have all this privilege and never had to think what others are thinking or feeling or, GASP, what other people might be going through.
They give men with intelligence and common sense a horrendous name. No, it’s more scary than anything else, come to think of it.
I don’t care what religion or lack of anyone has: don’t hide behind any deity(ies) to justify ignorance or bring others down. Don’t hide behind religion and dictate why certain people need to be treated differently.
But, when I also see stuff like this, I have a small sigh of relief. I genuinely don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve gone through. The story is just the tip of the iceberg. I used to have the same opinions, like “we don’t need feminism” and think it was all in someone’s misguided head.
So, I hope you keep your misconceptions about feminism. I hope you never have to see and experience what myself and so many others go through. I applaud you for having your opinion, even if we disagree.

Hi Alleh, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective on this. I can tell you are very passionate about these things, and I definitely respect your opinions and beliefs, and I thank you for joining the dialogue. I’m so sorry that you experienced that at your office. That type of harassment is never okay. And I’m so sorry it led to those challenges you described. I have been there too. I was sexually assaulted at a night club in NYC several years ago. So I too, know the ugly side of dominating masculinity. One thing about being uniquely feminine women is that we take those special traits with us into every role we fill, every relationship we have, and every conversation we participate in, and I can definitely see your passion and strength, empathy and compassion shine through! Thanks again for stopping by. big hugs xox

I appreciate your willingness to take a risk and start a conversation of this nature. You made some good points, and you explained them well. I am aware that a significant segment of our culture needs to improve its attitudes towards women, but your perspective helps to provide a balance.

I had to agree with everything except being disappointed with being a female. I own my femininity, and am not shy (especially when backed into a corner, which is how I feel these days) about reminding people of the true roots of feminism – equal pay for equal work, and equal rights (to include the right to vote and ability to leave the house without a male escort).

I am disheartened by the women protesting in America, simply because I have done my research – and women in America aren’t, as you point out, marginalized *or* oppressed. Other countries still subject women to genital mutilation, marry off child brides to men four times their age, and one country in particular still does not allow women to take a walk without a male relative escort… and, the last one is a country which the U.S. routinely allies herself with.

So, when I compare the marches to true atrocities against women – for being women – I fail to find much sympathy for their plight. If they were demonstrating for the women oppressed in other countries, urging the U.S. do something for *those* women, that is a cause I would find a little more substantive.

Thanks so much Anni! I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. You’re so right – there are other countries around the world where those horrible conditions are a reality for women. We have so much to be thankful for. Let’s celebrate all the freedoms that we enjoy as wonderful and powerful females! hugs xox

I am sure you had some backlash, but if I am really, gut-wrenchingly honest, there’s a darker side to the coin of feminism. Sure, we can have good jobs and provide for our families now. But on the other side of that, the commonality of a dual-income family has made it much harder for women who choose to stay at home and raise (even school) their children. Some women cannot, and others can but end up filling both roles. Childbearing is so, so incredibly special (and to be honest, somewhat important for, you know, survival of the race and all that), but I know so many women who feel that they have had to choose between raising their children and conveniences like feeding and providing medical care for said children. Pros and cons to everything for sure!

This is a great perspective too. You’re right, there are pros and cons, and every situation is different. but one thing is for sure: whatever vocation or profession we choose, we bring to it our unique feminine traits. thanks again for the support. hugs xox

I completely understand why you may be confused about all the attention on feminism lately. I want to shed some light on how I feel about feminism and what it means for our culture today. I am going to try and take this issue by issue as you lay it out in your post, so bear with me.
Women are marginalized in the United States. Whether you want to believe that or not, it’s the truth. One example is the dollar bill. Every single dollar bill that is made in America has the face of a man. What about the great women who helped shape America? What about the notable women who changed history? Why is it that men are so important but women get forgotten?
Another example are veterans. Surveys show that women veterans are less likely than their male counterparts to find employment after service. Female veterans have written on Vantage Point (http://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/7887/progress-in-treatment-of-women-veterans/) about these challenges and those while seeking VA care as a woman.
Another example are the gender pay gaps. All you have to do is google a few things to realize this is a troubling problem in America. I learned, by googling really quickly, that women who are chief executives earn 69% as much as their male counterparts. And on average women earn more than men in only 7 professions out of 534. SEVEN OUT OF 534. That is 0.13% of the processions listed.
Abortion bans. I understand you are prolife and I am not going to argue this with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The problem I see with abortion bans and all the hoops women have to jump through is that we as women are still not trusted to make our own decisions about our reproductive choices.
Now, on to the fact that we can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, go to college, etc. You’re right, we can do all of those things. Because of women like Alice Paul, Francis Willard, Carrie A. Nation, Jane Addams, Fannie Lou Hamer, Rosa Parks, Betty Friedan, Margaret Sanger, Anna Howard Shaw, and Carrie Chapman Catt. And if you know anything about women’s history, the Progressive Movement, the Feminist Movement of the ‘60s, and the Civil Rights Movement you will know that these women are the reason we have birth control, can vote, have equal rights, etc. These women didn’t all agree. Some wanted temperance while some drank. Some wanted birth control while some were strictly opposed. And some were racist while others were inclusive. Feminists may not always agree but we are all fighting for equal rights. We are the ones that are standing up for those who can’t or won’t.
I agree with you, that marching will not end rape and we need a change in our culture. But I disagree with the fact that women should wear more conservative clothing. By you saying “if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble.” you are telling anyone who reads this that it is their fault they got raped because they wanted to wear a backless dress. You even follow it up that “”Asking for it” is never an excuse” but that’s what you’re saying by telling your readers they are asking for trouble if they are dressed a little skimpy. That’s bull shit. I should be able to walk down the street topless, just like a man, without feeling any sort of discomfort, ridicule, judgement, or terror.
The abortion subject is touchy and I don’t like to argue this issue. My husband is very pro-life and I have had two abortions. I would never take those back. I do not regret them. I would never judge someone who has had one. I would never judge someone who refuses to have one. All I want is the choice. Because I didn’t have that choice I would have gone to a back alley doctor, like back in the 20’s. I could have died tried to get the abortion I wanted and had a right to.
Feminism is not about sexual revolution and the pill. It is not to have sexual freedom. Feminism is to have equal rights. To be treated equally on all platforms. The ability to have children is uniquely female, but it should also be a choice. We should not be forced to have children or denied birth control because a man chooses that is what is “right.” I obviously do not believe that “child in the womb” is actually a child until a certain point, but again this is not a fight I want to get into. We can disagree and that’s fine. That’s part of being a feminist. Letting everyone have their own thoughts and ideas and not judging or criticizing them for it.
I’m sorry you feel that the whole feminist movement thing “smells of domineering, desperate estrogen” but please, take a minute and research women like Alice Paul, Margaret Sanger, Anna Howard Shaw, Carrie Chapman Catt, Francis Willard, Betty Friedan, and Jane Addams. Once you’ve done that tell me how many rights you would have as a woman without these strong and courageous women. You wouldn’t have your blog. You wouldn’t have a job. You wouldn’t have education. You wouldn’t have the right to choose when to have children. You wouldn’t have the right to own land. You wouldn’t have the right to vote. You would not have a voice what so ever. You would have been property of your father or husband. You would have been taught to be seen and not heard. These women made all of this possible by being feminist. By fighting for what they believed what right and going against the grain.
If you feel it’s unnatural to try and dominate a man you fall into the typical paradigm that our culture has taught. You complain about our culture calling women bitches and hoes, why not complain about our culture teaching our young girls that they are below boys. Why not complain about the saying “boys will be boys” and letting them be aggressive, dirty, rude, loud, mean, etc. because, “boys will be boys.”
As a mother I do not feel that being a bearer to life is what makes me powerful. Being educated, talented, funny, strong, independent, outspoken, honest, a good person, a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, and a good daughter are what makes me powerful. Not the fact that I can simply have children.
I hope you never have to experience rape, unwanted pregnancy, assault, name calling, or have any of your rights taken away. These are the things that make you open your eyes to “what all the fuss is about”.

If I may —
You brought up some excellent points. Obviously, I don’t know exactly what she was thinking, but this is what I interpret some of the things that you did not agree with:
I gathered that she is fed up with present-day feminism. The kind that doesn’t seem to be fighting so much for equal rights because, really, we have so many equal rights today. (I agree that this has to do with the rise of feminism in the last century).
Pay gap may be an issue still, but how is taking a day off work to march for your right to earn a paycheck logical?
As for the dollar bill — it has taken a while to change things, but I have never seen the face on any denomination change in my lifetime (that I can recall) and I know that the decision to put Harriet Tubman — a wonderful leader — on our $20 bill has already been established.
That’s a huge step — one that probably had nothing to do with the women’s marches in DC.

I also wanted to bring up the dress thing. I think her main point was, how do you expect someone to respect your body if you don’t respect it yourself? The female body is hyper-sexualized in tv, advertisements, music, etc. We know this. Choosing to wear nearly nothing because it should be a “right” in a culture that is so perverse when it comes to women probably isn’t wise. It has nothing to do with rights — only social and cultural attitudes (as mentioned above).
I do believe that if we want to see change, we should stop objectifying women — especially media. I do not call this feminism, though. This falls under basic human decency.

I don’t say this as an argument, simply as a discussion. Hope I haven’t offended. 🙂

There are still problems with men seeing us as equal and even as women seeing themselves as equal. She makes that very clear when she states that men should be the breadwinners. There is nowhere in our genetic make-up that makes men better at working than women. There is nowhere in our DNA where women should be considered soft and men should be considered strong. Those are all gender roles and stereotypes we have fallen into.

I agree that it has taken a long time to make any sort of positive change for women when it comes to currency, but the small wins are very positive.

And when it comes to the dressing I will politely disagree. I have a lot of tattoos that I love to show off. I am proud of the artwork on my body and enjoy showing it off. I should not be scared I’m going to be raped because I have a backless dress on. It should not be assumed that I don’t respect my body because I wear low cut clothing and short shorts. – Or whatever the clothing type may be. But I agree completely that objectifying women in our culture through the media is not feminism. It’s our culture, it’s something that needs to be changed but to do this our attitudes towards sex and the body (both male and female because they are sexualized too) need to change.

Thanks so much for this, Samantha! You’re right, there is a lot of room for improvement, but you’re right — there is no crisis. steps are being taken, like on the dollar bill and the equal opportunities available to women. And you’re right, i was hoping to create a dialogue. every person brings with them unique perspectives and insights, and i am truly grateful to learn from everyone. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 big hugs xx

Hi there, thank you so much for joining the dialogue and for sharing your thoughts and perspective. I love the passion with which you write about these issues, and I sincerely appreciate you sharing them. There is so much to be learned from each and every person and I am incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to do so. I am very grateful for the work the women who went before us did to ensure that we have the rights and freedoms that we enjoy today. Feminism is a complex issue, and there are many sides and approaches to it. There is obviously room for improvement in our culture around these issues, but i think there is a lot to be grateful for too. And again, I respect everyone’s stances and positions on these issues. We’re all coming from different places that make us feel and believe the way we do. For me, the sexual assault in my past, coupled with the anorexia in my past and the fact that I am unable to have children is what influences my positions on these issues. I was hoping to create a dialogue, because these are not cut and dry issues, and respectful conversation can lead to understanding and healing 🙂 Anyways, this is getting long, so thank you so much for sharing your heart. it really means a lot 🙂 big hugs xox

I have so many thoughts on this as well. However, all I will say is this also confuses young men who we moms try to teach to be gentlemen. You know, the “old-fashioned” open the door for a woman (let her go in first) out of respect and so on. Our young men are getting mixed signals because some young women get offended or give the men a stink eye for being courteous and respectful. There is nothing wrong with manners and putting yourself ahead of others (man or woman) but this whole movement is going to bite us all in the end. Not only are women confused by all of this “movement” but some men are as well.

Thanks Deanna! You’re so right, I feel, as a society, we’re walking on egg shells so as not to offend or send the wrong signals. I for one love a held door, but I know others who feel the opposite. So much to be confused about. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! big hugs xox

Yes yes yes! Thank you for writing about this and approaching it from another angle than so many others I read about these days. I completely agree with you.
Except for the shoulder pads – I don’t mind those so much as the re-emerging mom jeans trend — could someone explain that to me?? 😉

thank you so much Samantha! I really appreciate your support and encouragement. haha oh gosh, the mom jeans — yeah, I’m not quite sure about that one either. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read! big hugs xox

Never dismiss as fiction the struggles others face simply because you have not faced them. You lost me at wanting women to take some responsibility for sexual assault in I suppose some percentage related to the amount of our bodies that are not covered. You can say “I’m not saying she was asking for it” but you absolutely said asking for trouble. Having been sexually assaulted in broad daylight at age 16 wearing knee length shorts while walking in a park with a friend, what percentage of the blame would you assign to me based on the amount of clothing I was wearing? I have many thoughts on feminism but if you are still in that place where maybe sometimes we bring our own rapes on ourselves, it feels useless to discuss it more deeply.

Hi there, thank you so much for joining the dialogue, and for sharing your thoughts. You’re right, all of our journeys are different, and we have a lot to learn from each other. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been assaulted as so. That breaks my heart to hear, and my heart and prayers and love goes out to you. And I’m sorry that you took my words as that, they were absolutely not meant in that way. I too, was sexually assaulted. It happened my 3rd year in NYC at a night club. So I agree – we did not bring those things on ourselves. I would love to continue the dialogue on this. I so appreciate you sharing your story and your thoughts. sending big hugs xox

You have turned a corner here, BB, this a serious look at this topic and an intelligent piece of writing.
It shows the strength of your courage to stand up for your convictions, your reasoning, wisdom, and ability to communicate clearly, making you truly an example of Paul’s advice to Timothy, ‘let not anyone despise your youth’.
I think your writing gift is headed for great things as you keep being true to yourself.
God Bless, and keep blessing us your audience. 🙂

Wow, I have not seen writing like this in a long time. I so appreciate your views here, including pro-life. But there is a need to discuss and make known one important topic. It’s called domestic violence. Most often it’s against women. I doubt if you see it, but if you go down to your local police station and get a copy of the stats you will see horrendous numbers crossing socio-economic lines.
But is so refreshing to see your perspective, and seeing the views of a Godly woman.
And your glasses! ☺lol.

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. domestic violence absolutely breaks my heart. It pains my heart to think about the women who have to endure that vile conduct. I have been blessed to have been brought up in a home where that is not an issue, but i fully realize that that is not the case for everyone. And my heart and prayers go out to those women and families. Violence against another person, is never *ever* the answer. Thanks for this powerful perspective. I appreciate you joining the dialogue! Big hugs to you xox

Definitely some of the longest comments on here in a while! Of course you knew this was coming, pro and con! I have to applaud both your courage in tackling issues that are sure to draw reactions and your ability to express appreciation for other people speaking their mind. Very well done. Direct comments at Patreon… where everyone should go anyway!!

Thanks Jeff! I know! my eyes are getting a workout reading! between that and trying to watch Dancing with the Stars out of the other eye! haha Yes, Mr. Level Headed 🙂 haha just like my dad 🙂 pros and cons for sure. can’t wait to read your thoughts! you always bring such a powerful perspective! i always end up learning so much 🙂 big hugs xox

I have to root for Mr. T! I watched The A Team when that series was on. George Peppard was a hoot; smoking a cigar and always saying, “I love it when a plan comes together.” I’m glad to see Peta back. A regular family affair with her and the brothers, then Sasha and his wife. I daydream about being able to do that, but despite doing fight choreography in theatre, add music, call it “dance,” and watch the hilarity begin. *sigh*

hahah that fight choreo is no joke! it really is a well choreographed dance!! 🙂 Yeah, his dance was pretty awesome. Never saw any productions he was in, but I’ll take your word for it! maybe i can find a clip online 🙂 hugs xo

I grew up in Norway where women’s equality and rights was something I kind of took for granted. Women have also stood strong in Norway, I think has to do with our Viking heritage where women were both Warriors and home makers, adventurers and mothers, priests and wives.

But, when I moved to India, I realized that this is a country where things I take for granted doesn’t even exist. Here, a woman can’t inherit, she can’t choose her spouse, she is auctioned away for dowry, and, after marriage, she has to change her entire name to show that she is the property of her husband. Of course modern India is changing, but it is still against the law her do reveal the gender of a baby on an ultrasound screening because so many women choose to have an abortion if it is a girl. So I guess here, old-school feminism is needed, I mean the feminism that fights for equal rights and worth for women.

But I think, all in all, I am a bit of a humanist (is that a word….). What I mean is that I believe in every single individual’s rights to define themselves, to be the way they find natural and to act according to their own convictions. I don’t like labels. I don’t like when someone else tries to define my personal womanhood, how I am supposed to be to be a woman, wether that is coy and sweet or “bad ass”. I just want to be myself.

Having said that, I think there are discussions we need to have about values. Here in India for example, many women say they are grateful for the prostitutes because they reduce the amount of rapes. I mean, WHAT? What they mean is that men have no control over their needs so either they have to molest a girl or buy one. That is, to me, a sick way of looking at what masculinity is. It is the opposite of the protector. So, my point is, here in India, there is need for a re-definition of what it means to be a man. And to me, that definition needs to be about chivalry, and protection and care. But I think, being caring and kind are values we ALL should strive for, and they certainly do not put a lid on personal expression and individuality.

Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. India was actually one of the countries I was thinking about when I was writing this piece, because they are being so oppressed over there. it breaks my heart and I’m sorry to hear that you have to witness that first hand. Yeah, that is *shocking* about the prostitutes. You’re right – being caring, and just as basic as respect is something that everyone deserves, no matter their gender, race, age, nationality – respect is a non-negotiable. Thanks again for joining the dialogue. big hugs xox

I find it all a mystery feminism a word that I truly do not wish to be described as. I am unique and say exactly what I mean and fashion , celebrities, do not define me or what I think about. I am a fighter and always have been.

I wish I could like this post ten times! I’ve been struggling with the whole feminism thing lately, and like many others, I’ve been wondering if I am a feminist or not. This post really helped me figure out where I stand. You’re so amazing, and I am so thankful for your posts. It seems like each one relates to something going on at my life at that time, and I truly think that it’s a God-thing. Thank you so much!

Oh my goodness! I was literally just reflecting on this while reading this morning….Feeling obligated, as a woman, to be feminist. And what that means for our role in society as women of faith…loved reading about your insight!

Oh I love this post- as I love all of yours. especially the pro life part. I feel the EXACT same way!

the ironic thing in this modern world of North America (in from Canada but we are similar in many ways) is that we are supposed to be fighting for the minorities. well those are the unborn children, without a voice!!

I have to admit, as I first started reading this post I was thinking that this was an anti-feminist post. As I continued to read, I realized that you speak truth. We as women have come far, but our fight is not over. Viagra is covered through health insurance but some birth control methods for females are not…
Unequal pay in the workplace….
The topic of abortion is at an all time high, I am pro-life as well. I think it’s wrong to rid yourself of life just because you made the choice to have sex. That’s the choice, not abortion. Agreed! Rape victims, that’s another story. I wish the option for abortions did not exist, but I do not judge those because I am not perfect either. Thank you for sharing this post. I love that you uplift women and document the successes we have made over the years!

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I appreciate your taking the time to read and response, i know it was a bit on the lengthy side! You’re right, we have a lot to be grateful for, but you’re right, there’s a long way to go. And it’s true, there’s so much talk about abortion right now. i definitely am not perfect either and i have a lot of things in my past that have caused my body and others pain with the anorexia in my past, but that has given me such appreciation for the value of human life. thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts. big hugs to you xo

I enjoy some of your posts, probably most of them, but not this thread. It suggests that you have experienced a relatively sheltered life, and simply have no clue about the rest of the US, much less the world.

A good portion of this country is still in the early 1900s, and some of it craves for the early 1800s from a social perspective — and that means treating women as property, and beating your spouse to where she requires a doctor is a $25 misdemeanor, if there is an arrest at all. (Yes, I can cite recent examples for this, and I’m not kidding about the penalty. As one abuser said, the entertainment value was worth the $25.)

Some of the facts are obvious and well known, or should be:
(1) Women are paid roughly 2/3 of what men get for the same jobs.
(2) Women are underrepresented in the C-suite in major companies.
(3) Women cannot become President of the US. They can hold that position in other countries, but enough people will vote against them in the US simply based on gender to prevent them from winning. That was one of a number of factors working against Clinton in the last election, and a factor in analysts saying that any MALE candidate would have won against trump.
(4) The US is behind most other industrialized countries on maternity leave practices. For example, The Netherlands gives women 16 weeks of leave at 100% pay even if the mother is self-employed, plus a home health aide. Where exactly in the US can you find that? (OK, if you are a member of Congress, maybe.)

Domestic violence and incest are far more common in the US than most people are willing to acknowledge. There’s a lot of work to be done. If you haven’t seen it, you need to look more carefully. Even in affluent areas, it’s all around you. Who’s wearing dark glasses when they aren’t needed? Who has a little too much makeup? Long sleeves on a hot day? LOOK.

I’ve no patient for symbolic politics. I don’t care whose face is on the dollar bill. I care about the physical and mental well-being of people. Anything that distracts from that or that might take resources away from that is at least annoying and at worst horrific.

The Declaration of Independence promised “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” If people don’t have the opportunity for that, it’s a problem. If the problem results from their own bad decisions, well, can’t do much about that. But if the problem is based on skin color, accent, gender, sexual preference (which I don’t see as a choice), that’s something that needs to be fixed.

I also disagree with you on maternity choice. The is no role for the government in someone’s womb. What she does is between herself and her Deity. If Congress can tell you that you cannot abort a fetus, someday Congress could change and will be able to tell you that you can only have one child and have to abort the rest. Do you really want to give the government that power?

(I lose patience with so-called “right to life” people. They show no sign of caring for what happens to the child after it is born, so it’s not life they care about, just birth. And they don’t want to pay extra taxes to help the babies abandoned at firehouses.)

Instead, one of the key issues of the century is what to do with the workers whose jobs are being killed by automation. Are we going to see women with low education pushed into sex work? Store cashiers, restaurant workers, drivers, some medical positions — those jobs are going away. What will happen to the people doing those jobs? That’s going to be a gender battle, when people wake to it.

There are a lot of very real issues that will be addressed in the next decade. Whose face is on the dollar bill isn’t one of them. What you do with your womb shouldn’t be one of them.

Pretty sure that true feminism isn’t about dominating a man and emasculating him but I do recall that argument was used to try and keep women from voting and essentially being treated as human beings instead of property.

I think we can be pro-life – for all life and not just fetuses – and still give women choice. Apparently some states are allowing rapists to sue victims to keep them from aborting the baby created from the rape. Somewhere in there we need to allow for hard choices to be made.

I’m not an expert in these matters but I think the advances we see are tempered by sad realities. For example, while more women are in university I believe that the fewer men get more of the jobs and then are often paid more for the same work as a woman is doing (very capably usually).

While more opportunities exist now than ever before I believe feminists see the significant inequalities across society between men and women and the violence against females of all ages as intricacy linked. One begets the other.

thanks brad, for adding to this dialogue. again, i am grateful to hear from every viewpoint and side. everyone comes to the table, bringing with them their own experiences and perspectives, which then influences their beliefs and positions. There is obviously room for improvement, and these issues are not cut and dry. theres a lot of gray area to navigate, and coming together and hearing everyone leads to respect and understanding. (I think i just mixed 3 metaphors there 🙂 ) But thank you for this insightful contribution. I really appreciate it! hugs xox

Hi Vic, thank you for sharing this response. i appreciate you joining the dialogue and for adding your thoughts. it is clear that you are very passionate about your position, and I just want to say, I hear you. I respect every viewpoint and sincerely am grateful to hear all sides of the issues and learn and grow from each and every person. that was a very thoughtful response and i thank you for sharing it. Lots of things to mull over, here. hugs to you xox

Reblogged this on LADYHOOD and commented:
Women have come so far. I reblogged this post because of the validity of some of the points the original blogger made. Truly valid. I think we as women have made much progress but there is still more to fight for because equality is essential in all areas of life for women and men. Keep marching, keep fighting for our rights, and continue to value human life. It is.important to me to educate women to be the best versions of themselves because.it is The emotional and psychological struggles that cause women to doubt their potential!

Oops hit send, lol, anyways, I can see why you might get some backlash, but I understand your viewpoint. We have come so far. But you are right, we have an emotional and social barrier with men, that causes an extra hurdle to jump, in my opinion as a black woman, all areas. There have been countless times that a man, in the workplace, white or black, have talked down to me or made me feel inferior. But, this only happens when I am in a power position! There is a long journey ahead getting over that!

As long as feminism is even remotely associated with purple haired women dressed as vaginas marching, and carrying signs that lecture on morality then I’ll reject feminism. My own definition more closely resembles yours as depicted in this article. A good read and one that provokes thought, as the comments following the article attest.

Well, well, didn’t you open up a can of worms 🙂 I love opinions. I like to see what people think on subjects. It’s how we learn, grow and understand people in the world around us. I am particularly impressed at how you voiced your opinion, with out being malicious. That says a lot about a persons character 🙂 No attacking, no condemnation, just your opinion. It’s the way civilized people should behave and we’d get a lot more accomplished. When the vicious, venom starts is when things come to a screeching halt and we all stand stagnant, rotting in the position we are in and nothing improves. As always, it was a pleasure to read.

Thank you so much 🙂 THat’s so kind of you to say. I think you’re absolutely right – there is something to be learned, new insight and perspective to be gained from every person. and a healthy dialogue is a really great tool ! vicious attacks, especially when it gets personal, is a far cry from beneficial. thanks for the support and encouragement! big hugs xox

Hello my dear friend, finally some has the nerve to call it like they see it. I stand with you on more than one issue. I too am confused about the marching and I don’t live in America. Your post was exactly what need to read. America needs to read this post. Women are beautiful creatures yes that I agree with. However changing the narrative is what America needs right now. Every thing you said about women in the post tonight speaks volumes. Although I would never refer to women as those in the music and television industry does. The marches happen because of liberalism. I agree that some laws need to changed for example Obama Care, Wages, and bringing the Bible into schools. I don’t think women need to reminded that they were not favoured years ago. Time has passed. Women and Men everywhere are appreciated by me and others. After all.. I appreciate you, and you appreciate me. We may have our disagreements but at the end of the day we still pray to the same God. THUS making you a friend indeed. Oh by the way, don’t even get me started on the “industry” It’s truly a trap door into the pit.. Sex is a beautiful act of two people coming together in Love, mind you they have each other’s ring on to be in that state of love to partake in such things. However America has given over to the lust of the world and pride of life. Most certainly the lust of the flesh. God created love to create life. The enemy has defiled the act of love and turned into lust and thus creating disease. See the difference?

Lots of powerful food for thought here, A. thanks for sharing this. You’re right, i think we need to change the narrative on a lot of things. But healthy dialogue is a great key for change, and i appreciate you joining in! and yes, i definitely see the difference! big hugs xox

“But if we’re not respecting our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to?”

So, wearing something that makes us feel sexy and honoring ourselves in that way is not respecting our bodies? I’m confused.
Also, I don’t think you completely understand what feminism is. There’s been a lot of branches come out of it and the most mainstream one has always been about wanting to do what men do. Feminism is not an attack on men. It is not about emasculating men. It is not even wanting to take the place of men. This branch has dampened and clouded the entire truth of Feminism and where it came from. It’s distorted. Feminism is about what you mentioned above. It’s shifting away from the idea that we’re “only made to have children.” That is ludicrous in my opinion. It’s about the right to choose, the right to have control over their reproductive health, and the right to walk around in this world in whatever it is they want to wear without being catcalled or susceptible to sexual assault. Women are seen as objects. Point blank period. We are constantly sexualized and it’s always a “surprise” when our intelligence or humor is noticed, almost as though we’re not actual human beings. Girls are not allowed to wear shorts, tank tops, leggings or v-necks, especially here in the south even if it’s 100 degrees, because it’s a distraction for the boys. We aren’t allowed to be comfortable because it may rile them up. It’s about equal pay. It’s about having the same opportunities as any man, provided they would be interested in pursuing them. It’s about having a voice, not being ridiculed or brushed off because we’re “irrational” or “on our period.” Just because you may have had more privilege or better experiences does not mean it’s the same for others. Far from it. You’re lucky, and should be grateful for that. I lovingly ask you to not project your personal reality onto others. It’s subjective. Encouraging feminism (the true basis of it) is actually what will help even the scales between the masculine and the feminine. I appreciate your candidness here and courage to share your thoughts, but I simply do not agree.

Hi Kayla, thank you so much for joining the dialogue and sharing your thoughts. I sincerely appreciate hearing the different viewpoints and ideas. You’re right, as a caucasian woman in America, i definitely have a lot to be grateful for, which I fully am. I just wanted to clarify that i don’t associate *all* feminism with emasculating men. i just have seen that as a trend in the marches. again, feminism is not a bad thing – i just prefer a slightly different definition that is more about celebrating our differences as uniquely female. but there is a lot of great food for thought here that i am taking to heart, so thank you for sharing that. big hugs to you xox

I think there is still a place for feminism. However, skipping work, because it is the International Women’s Day, that message is lost on me, and seems to come from a place of privilege and arrogance.
I live in a fairly liberal college town. Those who would identify loudly as feminists have their flaws like anyone else does. It is one thing to participate in a march. It is another thing to actually DO something on a grass roots level that would improve conditions for all women.

Regarding an earlier comment about not all birth control methods for women being covered, but that Viagra is, I’d suggest you do more research on this. Sildenafil(generic Viagra) is also used to treat pulmonary hypertension, and have heard through some of the patients who take this that is not cheap.

I think the brand of feminism that has come out of the election has been somewhat troubling and assumes men face no issues of their own. Having a son has made me more aware of these issues than I had been previously.

Hi Kate, thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful response. You’re right, the type of feminism that has come out post election has been an aggressive type that is not taking into account the feelings and views of all women, and it is troubling at best. I can only imagine the hurdles you’re facing as you raise a strong son in today’s society. Hang in there and take heart. it sounds like you’ve got a really solid foundation upon which you’re helping him grow him into a great person 🙂 big hugs xox

Best thing I’ve read all day! Thank you for this. I completely agree. I feel these women are doing more harm then good by their marches and fights for feminism. They may think they’re representing women, but they are definitely not representing me. God made us to be different, so let’s celebrate that and fight for something that’s worth fighting for.

Thanks so much Carla! I really appreciate the support. you’re so right! God gave us unique, special, feminine qualities that we bring with us into whatever job we do! Yes, let’s celebrate that! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

Love this post, agree 100%! For things to get better we don’t need marches and feminism we need for men and women to embrace their God given roles which are perfect compliments to one another. Eve was made specifically to be Adam’s help meet, women are the glory of men, we are treasures to be cherished as precious blessings from God. Not objects to be used, abused, and discarded. The bible is very clear on the roles of each sex on their own and in relation to each other. If those roles were once more instilled into society (whether you are a believer or not the roles themselves presented in the bible are complementary and good.with women being viewed as equals to men. I know it says they are the weaker vessel, this means in brute strength, not lesser.) then the issues we see in all societies between men and women would cease to exist. But when we turn our backs on God and his ways then we get what we have today – a bunch of people hurting each other and themselves in the name of pleasure. (Yes, that includes killing the unborn after a few moments of sexual pleasure had consequences that were undesired! If a woman wants to choose what happens to her body then choose before it happens to have a second body in it. Choose before there is another soul depending on her for protection, choose not to do those acts which create that innocent life within a woman’s womb if you don’t want children. Virginity till marriage is admirable, is biblical, is practical. It’s the only 100% sure way of not creating another life. I know that not all pregnancies begin by choice, my first one didn’t, I was raped, but the added wrong of brutal murder (let’s be honest that’s what it is – a person is a person no matter how small, the soul is there at the moment of conception) of that innocent baby is not going to fix it. Two wrongs will never make a right.

Sorry, off my soapbox now. You’ve read my posts and know my feelings on these issues, it sometimes pours out of me. I weep and pray for our world, for the littles. Thanks again for speaking it much more eloquently than I am able and for speaking for the children.

thank you so much for sharing this and for joining in the dialogue. First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you went through that devastating event. I am so sorry that that person did not treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve. you did not deserve that, and my heart just goes out to you. you are in my heart and prayers, my friend. I also agree with you about men and women. we are a perfect compliment to one another, and we should celebrate those uniquely feminine qualities that give us awesome talents and abilities. we bring them with us into any role we fill. Thanks again for stopping by. sending all my love 🙂 hugs ox

Thank you. It happened over 20 years ago, I was young, I was planning to keep the baby but it wasn’t meant to be, I miscarried at 4 mos. I am always reminded of it when I hear people use rape as a valid excuse for abortion. That’s the same as saying it’s a valid excuse to kill the rapist. Either is murder. I know one day I will see that my first child again, and God brought my amazing husband into my life a month after the miscarriage. 12 years ago we were blessed with our amazing son who will one day meet his brother or sister in heaven. God uses all things for good and even though I wasn’t saved when it happened in fact not for another 13 years, God used that situation to shape my believe about abortion. It was a hard situation but it made me who I am today. Thanks again, friend. May God bless and keep you.

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry about that. gosh, it breaks my heart. Yes, you will. I always find comfort in knowing that we will be reunited with our loved ones one day in Heaven. And yes, your baby will be waiting to give you a big hug. Yes, He works all things for good. Amen. Thanks again for sharing this.you are an incredible person. xoxoxoxox

“But I honestly don’t think a march is going to change that. You know what might? A change in our culture. Maybe we need to reconsider the messages that we’re sending to young boys and men in society about how to treat a woman.”

Nailed it. There IS an attack on women, but it is not coming from the places feminists say it is, and it is not targeted towards the places feminists say it is.

I am not sure if I can call myself a feminist but this is what I believe in: Us females have equal HUMAN rights as males BUT I do believe that man should be a step ahead of us women. We shouldn’t bereft them of their ability to become a man, a family provider, a hero; everything that makes a man a man. I agree to this blog!

Love this post. I have long hemmed and hawed about how to address this issue on my own blog, but I’ve worried I wouldn’t be able to say it eloquently or lovingly. 😉 You said it beautifully and respectfully, IMO. I just cringed a little at the end when you wrote, “A woman is a unique being: capable of all that a man can do, and more.” And I just have to ask, why must we be MORE? Why isn’t it enough to be on par or even, heaven forbid, a little inferior than man? Not inferior in WORTH, but just look at our body structure—you take the strongest man and put him next to the strongest woman and that man is going to be stronger. Sorry, ladies. That doesn’t mean it’s a BAD thing. And again, our worth is not on the line. So what if we’re a little less capable in certain areas? Men are a little less capable than women in other areas. And it’s only when we come together that we can make a whole. But our intrinsic value is the same in God’s eyes, no matter our sex, our race, or the baggage we carry.

I don’t know why our society is so fixated on making everything equal–or allowing the pendulum to fully swing in the opposite direction. Even Jesus’ parables in the Bible didn’t show equality (the three men with the different number of talents; the workers who worked all day vs. those that came in at the end, yet they were all paid the same amount). For that matter, Jesus wasn’t fair among his disciples! Only three of them went with him to the Mount of Ascension (imagine how the other nine must have grumbled). 😉 And think of all the times in the OT when the younger brother got the blessings and the fame instead of the older ones (Jacob, Joseph, David, to name a few). Jesus himself said the last shall be first, to gain our lives we must lose it, and that he didn’t come to serve but to be served. We’re not a very “serving-oriented” country these days. (Trying to push God out of said country might have something to do with it—haha.) 😉

In the end, the issue is being respectful of others’ strengths and weaknesses, and not getting jealous or resentful or feeling threatened when someone else has something–be it material or a character trait, etc.–that we don’t have. We have a tendency to look up or down at others when comparing, when instead we should “keep our eyes on our own papers,” as someone recently said to me. Such a hard concept in this land of plenty!

Again, thanks for having the guts to post this. I pray God blesses your socks off for being faithful to His call. 🙂

wow, what an awesome (and eloquently put!) response! thank you so much for sharing this. it was a joy to read. you’re so right, the bible is full of that. and also, the bible was not “anti-women” in the least! so much of what you said – nay, ALL – resonated with me and I found myself nodding my head. to clarify my “and more” statement, i was merely referring to our childbearing capabilities. 🙂 but you’re right, men have uniquely masculine traits and we have uniquely feminine traits and yes, together we make a complete pair. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! big hugs, and God bless your socks off too! 😉 xoxox

I have to say i disagree with this midset that the US does not need feminism. Feminism has been twisted around by a lot of people but at its essence it is equality between all people. Men and women. Not sameness, equality. Too many so called feminists twist that to mean that it is time for women to have their day in the sun and push it to the point that they treat men the exact way that they don’t want women to be treated. And too many people think that things are so good in the US that feminism is not needed anymore. But even though the US is better than most countries for equality it still is not equal. You see that yourself when you talk about how there is still unequal wages, issues with rape, and so many other things. Plus add on all the constant flicks women get daily. Flicks like your landlord being surprised you actually know how to handle tools. Flicks when guys think they are complimenting you by telling you you are too pretty to be an engineer. Flicks and flicks and flicks that are all socially acceptable. It needs to stop. That is why we need feminists. Real feminists who help it pull feminism’s name back out of the gutter. I think there is even a feminist in you because you see we aren’t equal yet. Even if you think the US is pretty damn close at least be a feminists for all thise countries that aren’t.

thank you so much for this thoughtful response. i really appreciate you joining the dialogue and sharing your perspective! i do feel you on the “flicks.” that’s a great way to put it. i think there needs to be a change in our culture, and the depiction of women in the media to help combat that. it is such a challenging issue because the solutions are hard to come by and implement. but it all boils down to respect. for all people. and that is a lesson that is learned in the home. love the dialogue! and i sincerely appreciate hearing from all sides. 🙂 big hugs xox

I think that women are not yet in a balanced position beween men and women. I can only compare it to Europe: In politics they are still minorities and do not have that stand as men have – so more male politicians determine the direction of the politics. Another point is salary: Women do not yet get the same salary for the same job with reference to men’s salary. There are surely more points that show an imbalance in comparation to men. On the other side there is always a risk that women protests may just aim at reaching the imbalance but then just vise versa. Anyway it is their right to fight for the balance. If there are equal rights for women and men – then all is fine – and then there is no longer the separation between women and men but the respect that we are all, first of all, – human beings – which should be treated equally.

Hi Didi, thank you so much for this thoughtful response and for joining the dialogue! you’re right, there is definitely room for improvement in those areas. and that is so true – everything comes down to respect – for all people. that is a non-negotiable. thanks again for sharing your views. i am less up-to-speed on the conditions in Europe, so i appreciate you shedding light on that 🙂 big hugs xox

I totally agree with your opinion, even i feel the same. But some where and maybe those who are passing through this problem of not geting equal opportunity in society will be fighting but even around me i see everyone is getting the opportunities but some are there who may not get up and take the oportunities.

Hi Sona! thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I think you’re right, i think the opportunities are definitely there. of course, there is room for improvement, but women are not “second tier.” they’re movers and shakers in the business world, starting and running companies, inventing and innovating things, doing all that a man does, and more! it’s worth celebrating. thanks for stopping by and for passing on my blog on your site! big hugs xox

No wonder Emma Watson was very confused about the ruckus over her posing in an open crochet top. Where are the pro-feminism topless female marchers speaking up in her defense? What are women are fighting for? Is it because 57% of enrolled college students are female? Is it because women can wear anything or openly bear their chests as in the topless culture of Bali?

On Tue, Mar 21, 2017 at 6:59 AM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

> beautybeyondbones posted: “Lately, it’s been really weird to be a woman. > Not because of any fashion or makeup trends…although, I will say…I don’t > quite understand the reemergence of the shoulder pad. But because of all > the recent hyper focus on…feminism. The Women’s March, Int” >

thank you so much for sharing these thoughts! yeah, there is definitely a lot of media coverage over Watson’s words and actions here recently. it’s fascinating to watch it play out, to say the least. hugs xox

Reblogged this on WildTangents and commented:
Feminity redefined
. I had to reblog this because of the very valid points the author made. Feminism has gradually evolved into a man-hating movement whilst propagating a lot of immoral ideas. It is alright to teach young women to love themselves and their bodies. It is alright to want equity. It is alright to speak out for the millions of women that are oppressed all over the world. The most important thing is that we teach and encourage young women to look within themselves and discover that which makes them unique. And then look out into the world and effect positive changes.

Hey Anthony! thank you so much for repost ing my piece and for saying such kind words about my blog 🙂 haha oh gosh, a magician never reveals her secrets 😉 jk jk — i have a studio of sorts in my apartment in NYC with a tripod and lighting and such for my acting audition videos. so i use that. but in ohio, they’re just good old selfies! hahaha you caught me!! 🙂

Reblogged this on The Recovering Legalist and commented:
Trust me, whenever I reblog something from another writer, it’s worth the read, and this is no exception. The world needs more women like this – REAL women – who love being women, and want men to be REAL men.

I support feminism too, I have a friend who is a Feminist and pro-life with some objections but, God knows I have those same objections He knows how I feel about it and I think he understands me for it. I really think abortion should be allowed in extreme circumstances for example a result of rape or the health of the mother is evidently at risk by proceeding
Anyway hope you and your mother are well 😘 sending you both lots of love and prayers 💜 xxx

thanks for this thoughtful response, Benjamin. And for your continued prayers for my mom and i. that truly means the world. and thank you for sharing your views! it is definitely a delicate and emotionally charged topic, and I thank you for joining the dialogue! hope you have a great day! big hugs xox

thank you so much for asking, she’s doing great – better every day. still a long way to go, but she’s amazing, and is a fighter! 🙂 and ohhhhh i hate the dentist ugh….well, at least it’s over and done with for another six months 🙂 hugs xox

oh my goodness, you are so kind Benjamin. thank you. i’m doing okay. just trying to take it one day at a time. i’m really trying to figure out what to do with my life haha and more specifically where i’m going to live. i’m being pulled in both directions. so who knows. just trying to trust. thanks for asking. you’re a great friend 🙂 xox

You know something I’ve been a way left liberal in the past. I even got into it with over your views but even though I still don’t support that guy for more obvious reasons than ever. I have to admit that I’m leaning more conservative on most of these other views. I agree with you completely on this post. I see a lot growth, you go at both side; both men and women. I’m actually considering dropping out of art school because I shared my views to these liberal so called open minded individuals and got crucified for it.

Thanks so much 🙂 oh no, I’m sorry that you experienced that at art school. I hope that things work out there so that you can finish your schooling, i know how much hard work that is! sending you big hugs for that. i was just hoping to start a dialogue, and I’m so grateful for people taking the time to respond! thanks for stopping by. great to hear from you and i hope you have a better week at art school this week 🙂 xo

I think you pretty much nailed it here. When feminism becomes all about wanting to do everything males do whilst disregarding all the things males CANNOT do then the entire concept loses its validity and becomes nothing more than a laughing stock. Neo feminists are the new militant vegans and nobody is taking them seriously. I hope posts like this make them see that and readjust their goals.

thank you so much Paul. i think you’re right, it should be seen as a competitive jockeying for the upper hand. it leaves me feeling cold if i’m honest. haha i’m actually vegan 🙂 but because i have a digestive disease and its part of my therapeutic diet to keep me in remission 🙂 lolol but seriously, thank you for sharing your insight and joining the dialogue! hugs xox

I have nothing against vegans of course. I was just meaning in terms of them being the butt of jokes. It was a post worthy of commenting on as I think feminism is starting to make a mockery of itself in some ways and your post reinforced my suspicions. I’m not surprised it has received as many likes as it has x

I am so saddened by this post on more levels than I can probably address in a short comment but mostly about the comments on abortion. I’m a woman of faith, but I was raped, by a family member, repeatedly when I was young. As a young teenager I became pregnant. My ONLY way of gaining some control over that situation was to choose to terminate that pregnancy – one I had not consented to. I prayed for a way to see how I could love a child forced upon me, how to explain to that child what it had been created from and who its father was but there were no answers to those prayers. I prayed I could forgive, I prayed and prayed but I have never felt fear or loathing or desperation like it. Having a choice was my life line without a doubt, having a choice saved my life, having a choice bought my situation to the attention of those who could help me out of it. A woman’s body is hers alone to choose what to do with it, have sex, tattoo it, dress it, have a baby, not have a baby – for years I had that taken away from me, the choice of what to do with my body and someone else abused it. To suggest that someone/anyone should have say in what another woman would choose to do with her body disturbs me.

And as for letting a man be a man…is it ok if that man in all his masculine glory, thinking he is the highest form of masculinity when he is guarding, protecting his family, thinks it is ok to beat the women in it, to abuse them, to rape them…is that ok? Is it ok to say that is in their nature? No, it is not.

I am female. I am woman but I am no longer soft and delicate. A man changed that. I am strong, I have choices.

When I march for women I don’t just look at the narrow view that I’m marching for the women I live and work besides, damn we are the lucky ones…. step outside your confines and see how women in other parts of the world live in abject poverty and with no rights, no education, married without choice, and try to fit your arguments to that. That is who we march for – ALL women.

Hi Reena, thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart just goes out to you. I am so sorry that you were put through that growing up. My heart breaks to think that the family member, who was supposed to love and protect you, would do harm to that little life they were entrusted with. that is not right. you did not deserve that. you deserved to be cherished. protected. honored. respected. and i just, am so saddened to hear that you went through that. That man was not strong or masculine, he was a coward. and the anthesis of a Godly man. and i am just so sorry that happened. Thank you for sharing your stance on these things. I sincerely appreciate learning from every single person. we all have different experiences and perspectives that we bring to the table, and it creates a beautiful and powerful dialogue. Though i have not been raped, i have been sexually assaulted. And that coupled with the anorexia in my past has contributed to the beliefs I hold on life and some other issues. Again, thank you for sharing your story. that took a lot of courage, and i just want to say that you are such a strong woman. and i admire your fortitude. hugs xox

Amen, thank you for this. Especially for articulating the pro-life position. Some might say I don’t have a right to weigh in, because I’m a man, but I will only say this: I have always endeavored to treat women with the utmost respect, principally because of how my Dad treated my Mom. He wasn’t perfect of course, but honored her.

I have had friends justify their infidelity to their wife our girlfriend by saying things like “I’m only human, just a man, I have needs.” These are the lies of the enemy.

We are commanded to love our wives as Christ loves the church. There is no higher standard. Men need to step up to their commitments to their families, leave a legscy for their sons and daughters.

Hello! thanks so much for this encouragement, and for your continued prayers for my mom. it really means a lot. I don’t think you’re “not allowed” to have an opinion because you’re a man! you are *definitely* allowed! as a society, we’re all in this together, and it’s going to take a dialogue and honest conversation from all people in order to heal from this stark divide right now that many women feel. We need more men like you! 🙂 That’s so great: respect is what it all comes down to. amen amen amen – Christ is that perfect example of self-giving love. loved reading your words. thanks for sharing! hugs xox

Great article and thank you for sharing your thoughs on what feminism is and is not. Yes, females need to be respected and given the same opertinities in life as men do. Yet, here is the key females and males are different, they are not the same. These differences are both biological and socially driven. It is not just that men need to respect women for who they are and for those differences and what they bring to the table; and most men do I think. I know that I myself as a male have great respect for the female half of the human race; but females (feminests) need to do the same as well for men. Men need to respect and acknowlege the “womanness” of females, and women need to respect and acknowlege the “maleness” of men. Read the two books by Louann Brisendine “The Female Brain” and “The Male Brain.” These books really claify just how different males and females are and yet through those differences just how close to each other each are. The two sexes are not the same, yet really do complament each other. We really can’t live with out the other, and yet sometimes it does seem we cannot live with eachother.😅

Thank you so much, Chase, for sharing this thoughtful response. there’s a lot of really great food for thought here. you’re right, we each were made uniquely male and uniquely female, and we are a complimentary pair — both physically and emotionally. The unique traits we bring to our various role specifically equip us to be the best we can be at them! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

Another fearless well written post speaking the truth in love and concern. Admire you all we can do is use the opportunities we can to witness to what we know. Thanks for doing that. And besides, you write so well. Cannot wait to see what next you are lead to write. John

Thank you so much, John. That’s very kind of you to say. You’re right – we all bring different experiences and viewpoints to the table. and i love, in a dialogue, hearing all of them! that’s how we grow 🙂 big hugs xox

Yes! me too! i love the dialogue and I am humbled that people would take time out of their busy lives to share their thoughts and feelings. i am very grateful for that, as I sincerely appreciate hearing all sides and viewpoints! we all have a lot to learn from one another 🙂 big hugs xox

Yes, it’s about control and self-destruction in our country. But as some have commented there is a remnant saved by grace. Those like you who have true wisdom and a God given voice to proclaim that are doing very well. Very well indeed. Keep growing in strength as you move forward with shrewdness and cunning at times.
Thank you.

It seems that today’s society attempts to solve its problems by demonizing someone.This only diminishes common ground and takes away opportunities to build relationships. It is nice to see that someone like you is looking at what is wrong but including men in the solution instead of defining men as being the problem and looking for ways to reduce them to impotent relics of the past.

thanks Mike, for sharing this thoughtful response. i really appreciate the encouragement. yeah, i don’t think demonizing one whole *group* is going to do any good. it’s communication and working together that will make progress happen. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

This topic isn’t a new one. Back in the ’70’s’ we visited it big time. Rights of women were shoved down our throats. Hundreds, thousands of years ago this was an issue. It wasn’t until I viewed my role as a women in the eyes of how I was created that I was freed from the bonds of world views. God has a plan for all women. Seeking what that is through the Bible (yes, the ‘B” word) is how we know who we really are. Not eyes on our society, nor our friends, but freedom in Christ.

Thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective. i am right there with you! God was definitely *not* anti-woman! He has a beautiful plan for all of us, and it will include our uniquely feminine gifts! that is something to celebrate 🙂 thanks for stopping by and sharing your heart 🙂 big hugs xox

Hey BBB! I’ve been off blog for a while but I am working on catching up with your writing. You know everyone’s view is different so everyone’s experience is different. As someone who has been guilty of reducing women to objects in my head and in relationships I know that women are marginalized by such objectification. As someone trying to broaden his scope on feminism and females in general I appreciate anything anyone can tell me about feminism. It’s not easy to admit that I was once (and still have impulses) toward reducing women to objects that can fill my needs (not just physical but also emotional needs) but I hope that in my humble and sorrowful admission the conversation can start. Women in the U.S. have it great compared to so many other countries, but that doesn’t mean the conversation stops. We are never done getting better as individuals or as a country. Thanks for posting and expect a flood of comments on your old stuff as I get caught up 🙂

thank you so much for sharing this. i think you’re right – continuing the conversation is important for healing and our growth as a society. and it’s so true – everyone is coming to the table with different experiences, beliefs and ideas — and that’s what makes the dialogue so fruitful! thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

Feminism hasn’t always been perfect, but it has done a lot of good. Some of the earliest first-wave feminists were abolitionists who spoke against the moral evils of the institution of slavery back in their day. They challenged the idea that the feminine ideal was the Victorian standard of beauty. The prevailing school of thought in their time was the Cult of Domesticity / True Womanhood which held that a woman’s place was in her home. Back then, it wasn’t acceptable for women to work and they had to rely on the charity of their churches to support them. Next time you sing ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus’; remember that the widow who wrote it had to raise her daughter on the charity of her church because it wasn’t acceptable for her to work; though to some degree poor women have always worked, they always had a lesser wage in those days. We had Feminists stand up against the evils of alcoholism and push for Prohibition; after it was repealed the won the vote for women. The second-wave feminists used the era of civil change in the 1960s to challenge the status quo; they abolished the need for women to have a man’s countersignature to take out a loan among other things. It’s the third-wave feminists who have fought for abortion as well as better paid maternal leave – something America comes in at last place; for some odd reason, men over the last century or so have missed that one and sometimes they need a little help in seeing other areas where their policies are short-sighted or unfair as they’re not women and don’t fully understand the need for such changes. What else could there be that needs attention if they’ve missed that? I think that there’s always room for improvement. Christianity leaves a lot to be desired; as the rules sometimes prohibit or limit women from becoming pastors or otherwise lets them become ‘directors’ but only of the womens’ and childrens’ ministries (so long as they aren’t actually given the title or pay of a pastor they can carry out basically the same responsibilities of one.) The idea that men and women have complimentary roles doesn’t help Christianity’s singles feel as if they belong without somebody to lead or somebody to follow. One woman told me about her search for a church where women were kept quiet so that she could be as biblical as possible while wearing her head covering in submission to her husband’s authority over her. I’m pretty sure that some denominations have never had a woman take up the highest seat of authority in their group; however high a woman can climb, there must always be a man whose role is to be in charge above and beyond her level. So feminists and Christians both are against the objectification of women; they are simply each going by a different definition of what they think objectification is. If our policies could ensure women could have children without it negatively impacting their career, they might feel a lot more comfortable about being both a mother and a worker; just as fathers do.

Hi Jamie, thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful response. there’s so much powerful information here. Early feminists have definitely brought about a lot of changes that I personally have benefitted from, for which i am grateful. it makes me sad that some religions put down women like that. because God was definitely *not* anti-woman. He made us to be uniquely feminine, with incredible traits that are uniquely feminine that we bring with us to every role we take on. and those special qualities make us awesome at those roles! men and women are a complementary – and equal – pair. and it all goes back to respect. for all people. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
synonyms: the women’s movement, the feminist movement, women’s liberation, female emancipation, women’s rights; informal women’s lib.

I’m glad you do not experience any negative issues being a woman in this country. And some of your points are valid. BUT, I cannot believe you don’t understand what women are fighting for in this country. Equal pay, ending blatant sexism (just read/listen to our sexist President for examples), the treatment of women in the workforce and society in general as the “weaker sex” or “bitchy vs authoritative” and so on, reproductive rights (I understand you are pro-life but that’s your choice), healthcare provided without considering being a woman as a “pre-existing condition”, dismantling the rape culture, etc.

You say a woman can wear whatever they want in one sentence, but in another you state that if a woman wears something provocative or sexy (“lingerie” style is what you mentioned), that is not okay as it could encourage the wrong type of behavior by a male. You have a number of contradictions in what you state and that is concerning.

I do agree that dressing like a vagina is not a way to be taken seriously. I did not participate in the “Women’s Strike” as I felt that was ineffectual and honestly bratty. I also agree that women in the US have it better than a lot of places in the world. But as a feminist, I am not just fighting for things to improve here. I am fighting for women to be treated equally throughout the world. It’s small minded to think that women here only care about what’s happening in our country.

Thank you Aniela, for joining the dialogue and for sharing this response. You’re right, conditions for women in other countries around the world are not as they are here in the states, and that needs to change. i appreciate the passion with which you hold your beliefs. that is so awesome. thank you again for taking the time to read and respond. i sincerely appreciate hearing from all sides and having a dialogue. big hugs xox

Thank you for this post. Well thought out, well organized, well written. One of the best statements of practical and reasonable thinking regarding feminism I have read. Hat tip to you for this. Keep up the good work!

One of the many great thoughts in your post: “Maybe if we call out men to be those types of upstanding men, and we their equal partners, complimenting each other’s traits, perhaps all the other things will work themselves out. Because a man called to true masculine greatness will respect a woman, her body, her mind, her talents, abilities, passions.”

Thank you for this. Men need to stop being lazy and selfish regarding their own masculinity. Real men will “respect a woman, her body, her mind, her talents, abilities, passions.”

Thank you so much for this encouragement ! it really means a lot. i was incredibly nervous to publish this piece, so the affirming words are so very appreciated. so glad you stopped by and i’m glad you enjoyed the read! big hugs xox

Although I am a male, I do support feminism–and not because I’m some “hipster, touchy-feely, so-and-so” type of guy. You know and I know, and I’m not afraid to own up to it, that I’m Christ first and world second. After I say that I usually tell Christians and non-Christians alike that Christ secured me and nothing changes that.

As Merriam-Webster defines it, feminism is: “1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes”. What is, in my view, the biggest thing to take home is that it’s aiming for…where is my italics…*equality* of the sexes. I have feminist friends–heck my girlfriend is feminist (and Christ-centered)–and without a doubt they all understand that, like you alluded to, a *lot* of progress has been made for women! No one denies that. Talk to my mom, who is like, 63 years old, and she will straight up say, “Heck yes we’ve made a ton of progress, it used to be way more unfair–way worse.”

But she would also say though that progress is still to be made, as with anything in life. We can’t deny that culturally (and remember, I’m a man speaking here), men still hold a powerful grip of the cultural narrative. Sure, we had a woman run for President–but you have to admit there was some strange cognitive dissonance going on in terms of how voters regarded words and actions of one candidate to another. Yes, it may be true that 57% of college students are female–that’s great. But the issue, generally speaking, is a statistic like this: in my state alone, as of 2015, the median annual earnings and earnings ratio for full-time, year round workers was
$47,092 for a male to $35,753 to a female. That’s a staunch 76% gap, and when you consider the same measurement to the US average–$51,212 to $40,742, that’s an 80% gap–even worse (AAUW).

I will say that there are some people who misconstrue feminism, or misuse the agenda to be crazy. I am not excusing those people at all–heck, we as Faith-First believers in Jesus Christ have our fair share as well. Feminism, however, is not meant to be “women are better than men” by any stretch. It’s just about a fair shake in the arena. If God blesses me with a daughter, I would want her to have an equal shot and doing some great things, just as I have.

The good news is, with good people like you who are open to discourse and discussion, even if we disagree or don’t line up thought-wise, we can empathize with each other and be above hatred, slander and stooping to an otherwise hurtful and low standard! 🙂 That’s why I like reading what you write!

Hi! thank you so much for this powerful perspective and thoughtful response. i appreciate you joining the dialogue with such an eloquent and insightful reflection. i sincerely enjoy the dialogue because i learn from every single person on here (which, i am so grateful for! 🙂 ) i’m so with you on there – there is definitely room for improvement. those statistics are disappointing that you shared. because you’re right, equality is important. God made us equals, with unique characteristics – both masculine and feminine – that we bring with us to whatever job or role we take on that make us awesome at that job. one is not better than the other. and i’m with you on that – women and men should have an equal shot 🙂 thanks again for sharing your thoughts. God is good!! 🙂 big hugs xox

For further reference, as stated in the document, the data collected of earnings (and used to calculate earnings ratio) is provided directly by the ACS, or American Community Survey. There’s also a lot of great material regarding pay gap broken down in the 36 pages–I would encourage you if you’re interested to read the whole thing!

ALSO to clarify, in case anyone gets mixed up, the 76% and 80% are speaking to the earnings ratio! To clarify, the actual pay GAP nationally is 20% last measured. So, to explain simply, the US national earnings ratio between women and men is 80%–which means women were only being paid, statistically, just 80% of what men were paid. THAT’s the gap of 20%!

So to further the example, my state has a EARNINGS RATIO of 76%, which means women are only getting paid 76% of what men are being paid, which is worse than the national average.

I think what has been driving events like the Women’s March is fear – fear that the political and social gains the women have achieved might be partially undone. Fear that because we now have a President who unabashedly demeans women, misogynists might feel justified in their mistreatment of women.

One of my sister’s was considering participating in the Day Without a Woman, but she decided not to because she didn’t know what the goal was. She felt that making a statement like that should also have a specific goal in mind.

I think your sister was right – I can understand trying to make a statement, but it just fell a little flat to me. But i respect that those women who participated felt really passionate about it and I would love to hear why specifically they chose to take part.Anywho, loving the dialogue!! xox 🙂

This is such a good article to read – I’ve never “picked a side” as it were when it comes to feminism, and instead just appreciated all views on it and gone from there! But I found this to be so genuine and considerate of all points, and I also found it particularly refreshing seeing how kind and open you were to every single comment you received on this post.

Oh my gosh, Abby, you are so kind to say that! thank you so much! Yeah, i totally feel you on that – I feel like society kind of dictates that we need to be cut and dry on where we stand on certain things, like feminism, and the fact is, it is a very complex issue, and there is definitely more than one way to approach it or go about it. and i’m with you, i sincerely appreciate hearing all the different viewpoints and learning from everyone. because each person brings a new perspective and experience with them to the table. any who , this is getting long now. just wanted to say how much I appreciate your encouraging words. it really means a lot 🙂 big hugs xo

Thank you for saying it so eloquently. I have a wonderful wife, almost of 18 years, and she is a very STRONG WOMAN. She is part of the 57% going to college, has a full time career and does a wonderful job as a mother and wife. However, she longs for me to lead her, encourage her. And although I haven’t been great at it all the time, we are working through it.

So here is where Feminism got it start, Gen 3:16 at the curse of man and woman. God said to the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will give birth to children;…..” I have seen it four times in my life and yes, women have the blessing to give miraculous life, but it is hard. However, I have yet to meet a mother, who after giving birth, will not look at that child and fell overwhelming love.

The second half of the verse is where many strong women hate it, “Yet your desire and longing will be for your husband, And he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.””

Here is the twofold curse, women will long for men to to lead them. But with all sin, it gets perverted on both side. Women will want to rule over men and men will take the dominating posture toward women. BOTH are wrong.

Thank you so much, Coleman, for this thoughtful refection. it sounds like you and your wife have a beautiful marriage. That is so awesome. You’re right, we are products of a fallen Adam and Eve, and with it comes that unquenchable thirst for power or dominance on all sides. the fall created an imbalance and a restlessness in our hearts that was not meant to be there. and therein lies the trouble. thanks for stopping by and congrats on 18 beautiful years of marriage! that gives me hope 🙂 haha hugs xo

Love your topics! It’s so true: we women in the western world have it wonderful! I’ve traveled and seen it myself. But I’ve been thinking…What would the world look like if women took over in the political scene? If women ran the key government positions? If women ruled the powerful nations in the world? That is worth thinking about.

Because I don’t believe most women as leaders, would go to war over oil, or religion, or controlling more territory. Mothers would not condone the killing of the sons of other mothers. Women would not spend money on weaponry over food supplies for starving children. We recognize that values, giving to and loving others, are a much higher priority than men’s pride and dominance. Women know other ways to achieve the outcomes they want. Now, that kind of influence is something to work for. That is our divine purpose for seeking empowerment for the feminine gender!

Because if women ruled the world, can you imagine what it actually might look like? Hugs to all my sisters out there!

Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection, Jane. That is definitely an interesting thought. And gosh, how eloquently you put that. you’re right- those uniquely feminine traits would do wonders if put to use leading a country. that was really powerful to imagine, thank you for inviting me to do so! 🙂 glad you stopped by! hugs xo

[…] In light of an interesting yet controversial post that I recently read, I felt like I needed to write a response. BeautyBeyondBones wrote about her thoughts on feminism, titled “Challenging Feminism.” […]

I am beyond thrilled to read any of your work, but this post in particular resonates with me! I have felt so alone as a woman in this super strange time where it feels like being a woman isn’t enough anymore and I am extremely pleased to see it’s not just me that’s embarrassed by all of the happenings lately. There are so many other things to march and fight for, besides the things we as women in the United States already have. I am also pro-life and I have never understood the abortion arguments stating it’s strictly the mother’s body at stake. Thank you for putting everything I have been feeling into such beautifully written words.

Ditto! Well, I’m all the way over the other side of the earth but I’ve been scratching my head too. It seems really odd. Really, really odd.
And totally get you about the CULTURE being the fix. Not a march. I’m trying to raise 3 boys to respect all they come across in life & most of that is about taking into account the other person’s views & needs.
What I’m not hearing enough tho is that it is also the father’s rights (& in a lot of ways, body & mind) that is also at stake when abortion is considered. I’m firmly pro-life & completely behind what you said above.

I agree, it all comes down to changing the culture and the narrative we are spewing on TV, in advertisements, and in the home. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. and you’re right, abortion does effect the father too. it is a loss of life, and that has an impact on all parties involved. it’s just not something that people are sympathetic to in the popular pro-choice narrative. but loss is loss, no matter what way you slice it. hugs from the usa 🙂 xox

Girllllll you went off but in a very good way!!! I love it !! I think women now a days just want to do whatever they want because they can. It’s sad really because that life does not bring you any peace what so ever. But all of this stems from sin and the corruption in this world. Women need to realize that being a woman is beautiful. If you weren’t sleeping with people that you shouldn’t be sleeping with then you wouldn’t even think about an abortion. Hence why waiting until marriage works best. Nothing is wrong with dressing modestly . It makes a woman look even more beautiful . This world is lost and I don’t even speak about this to other women because if they aren’t women of God their views are totally different than mine and they just don’t get it .

Oh Cristal, I am giving you a standing ovation on this response!! thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. Everything you said, I was nodding along with in agreement. Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement. I was really nervous about publishing this one, so your affirmation really is appreciated. And i think you’re right – there is so much beauty to be found in womanhood, and all it entails and in whatever role it entails. reading this was one of the highlights of my day! hugs to you xox

Between you and Ms. Caralyn, I think this topic has been beautifully covered! May I just add one thing?

The last bit – not speaking about this with other women – I would encourage you to reconsider your stance on that. As girls (I dunno, maybe guys do this too), talking to each other is often our best way to encourage one another. When you openly stand for your views, you are encouraging other women to do the same. Also, not all believers know where to stand on this matter. It is my belief that your “neighbor” in Jesus’s command to love your neighbor, is every living person you come into contact with. Including the unborn ones. Thus, you should treat them as you would yourself. However there are girls that are raised in pro-abortion homes but they want to honor God. How can we help them face that divide if we do not speak to them? Or what about the girls who already had an abortion? I know many who regret that decision and have a lifetime of hurt to overcome…..it’s good to talk to these women.

Even the women who blatantly disagree with your views and your obedience to God are important enough to hear the truth. It’s useless to argue with them. What we can do is give them an opportunity to think about what we believe, and what they themselves believe.

Thank you so much for your words! I never looked at it like that , you made very valid points , it’s easier for me to talk about Jesus and loving one another and spreading the gospel then it is to talk about abortion , only because I’m not sure if I’m able to have kids myself so I get scared that one day someone may throw that in my face when we are discussing abortion and why I’m against it .

[…] In light of an interesting yet controversial post that I recently read, I felt like I needed to write a response. BeautyBeyondBones wrote about her thoughts on feminism, titled “Challenging Feminism.” […]

Okay….so I have two sons I want to introduce you to, as I’m pretty sure you’re meant for one of them. (Just sayin’.) And on a personal note: while reading your article I could hear 🦁 lions roaring in the background! Not aggressively but confidently. And I stand behind you because “I too am Woman…hear me RoaRrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

hahaha oh Dawn, I am not even joking when I say give him my number!! hahahah 😉 But seriously, thank you for the encouragement. i was super nervous to push the publish button, so i can’t begin to express how much i appreciate your kind words. 🙂 Hope you have a great afternoon! hugs xo

You are so brilliant. You, once again, hit the nail on the head. I don’t understand the need for women to make men look like feeble-minded, overgrown children. It’s everywhere, including our TV shows. And the idea of fighting to destroy the ONE THING that makes women unique, special, and “greater”- the ability to give birth – just blows my mind. Perhaps that’s what “feminists” want – to be so equal to a man that they no longer give birth. I’m so glad you wrote this piece. You are truly a lily among the thorns. God bless.

Oh Julee, thank you so much for this encouragement. I think you’re right — i’ve found a trend in commercials recently about the “stupid male” or the “dumb dad” trope. it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Building oneself up does not have to involve tearing someone down. Very interesting thoughts! — thanks again for sharing! hugs xox

I think you may have missed the point here. There are very significant issues regarding inequality that do not involve belittling men or wearing vagina hats. The fact that there is not equality in pay, 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted and the long history this country has in treating women as less than, makes this very much a civil rights issue. It is beyond theological or philosophical ideas when we discuss other people’s rights and freedom. It sounds like your major disagreement is the method but that isn’t the same as discrediting feminism itself. With regard to anger, I’m not a huge proponent, but I’m also hesitant to criticize the anger of those who have been injured or victimized.

Thanks Clifford, for joining the dialogue and for offering this thoughtful response. it’s in coming together and listening and sharing our individual viewpoints and thoughts and ideas with respect and understanding that true change and healing can come about, and I really appreciate you doing just that. Yeah, as a victim of sexual assault myself, I definitely have seen first hand that ugly side of men who think they’re dominators. That is a change in our culture that needs to happen, pronto. Very eloquent thoughts, thanks again for sharing. hugs ox

This is a valid point when the person’s anger is contained into their own life and surroundings; but I’d say when their anger is infecting a lot of young girls who haven’t been given a reason to be angry, then it is going too far and they should not get away with it. I heard feministic messages when I was a little kid and not old enough to know if they were true or not, so I speak from personal concern.

Thanks for the response. I don’t want to hijack this forum with too much back and forth so I’ll limit my response. We are all subjected to messages from parents and others long before we have the executive functioning to discern. Alternative views and passions are unavoidable. And I will reiterate, I think we have to be cautious about judging other people’s anger without knowing their story- but for the grace of God err go I. We may be splitting hairs at this point and arguing over the extreme ends of things though, my comment was directed toward feminism in general. I appreciate your concerns and your civil retort.

Loved this post 👍. Although I’m still so young, I’m not an ignorant individual but this really showed me how much more I still need to learn about society, feminism and the social issues around us. What a thought provoking post, great job 😊.

thank you so much 🙂 i’m glad this struck a chord with you! oh yes, i still have a lot i need to learn too, and i am so grateful for all the different perspectives and insights people are sharing here! 🙂 thanks for stopping by and joining the convo! hugs xox

I love your argument here. I also feel that society would not comprehend it … And, I have to say, abortion/pro life is not an easy question. It is in essence not all about those women who wish to use termination as a contraceptive because they’ve slept with someone and got pregnant while using sex as a recreational activity. Having legal, clinical, means to end pregnancies is a sad but necessary thing, because, in this world, there will otherwise be illegal,dangerous, terminations which will kill both the woman and her baby. There are also places where there is still teenage marriage (very young teens, say 12, 13, 14) and they could die having a baby. There is rape of many kinds including marital rape. These are hard questions, but legal termination was not, basically, brought in so that people could just get rid of a baby because it;s inconvenient. People working in the area knew what was happening, they also possibly knew or possibly didn’t realise, the full extent of how legalisation could/would be exploited. The same is true of the contraceptive pill. It is so fraught with complications that being totally, utterly, pro-life is something I personally gave up, along with volunteering with a pro-life organisation doing pregnancy counselling. After much thought & prayer. It’s a secular world, one which doesn’t put God first, and somehow we have to live in it and with its limitations. That’s how I see it (personally). But idealists are also necessary to balance out the arguments for ‘anything goes’ I so agree. Love your passion on the blog, for what you believe! Hope you read this, Carolyn!

thank you so much MariHoward 🙂 you’re right, it is an incredibly difficult issue, and one that is very emotionally charged, for many of the reasons you listed. I respect everyone’s views and beliefs about it, and i sincerely appreciate hearing them, so thank you for sharing!! the world is definitely not idealistic, and there is a lot of “gray area” in terms of pregnancy and life and situations. In the mean time, we can use pray and ask God to show us the way 🙂 big hugs to you xo

Sending us all Light and blessings. Funny, I’m looking at attending a women’s day on leadership — what is true leadership for me in my own integrity? <3 There's a blessing in connecting to our own wisdom regarding what qualities and expressions line up for us. Thanks for bringing it forward, and so many blessings to you.

Also, can you send blessings? I'm starting a "Making Peace with Yourself" program (online) for women to apply forgiveness to an area of their lives. Thank you so much. Love and blessings, xo Debbie

Thanks so much Debbie. Oh wow, that sounds like a pretty awesome seminar you’re attending. And yes! i think you can definitely send blessings 🙂 and I love that online program you’re starting. i think making peace with yourself is incredibly important! good luck with it!! big hugs xox

Thanks so much for sharing this. yeah, it’s silly that men “aren’t allowed” to have a voice on the issue. Because, in my opinion, we’re all just journeying through life together, and it all comes down to respect. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for joining the dialogue! big hugs xox

I agree about men not being allowed to have a voice. It’s especially frustrating because, though I don’t agree with every aspect of feminism, I still respect and support women. And yet, because I can’t refer to myself as a feminist per se, that support isn’t enough for many people.

Yeah, it’s sadly a no win situation 🙁 But you’re winning in my book 🙂 That respect and support goes a long way, and it is evident in how you interact and speak! so keep on being awesome. it goes a long way 🙂 hugs xo

Preach!! Ive had a similar convo with my friend on the ques of “What are women fighting for right now? The actual message really is lost for me.
I believe women should be empowered to go places n do things they would hve felt inferior to do in the past, but i dont get the Feminist fight.. we shld all be ‘FAIRminists! 😊

You just summed up all of my thoughts into 1 blog post. Thank you so much for posting about topics like this! As a young girl in today’s society, it often seems like there is no one else in the world who understands this point of view, or that it’s somehow “wrong.” I love how open you are about such a crucial and prevalent area of life. Sending love your way!!

You are so brave to talk about this. I am pro-life too and one of the things I struggle with women’s rights being synonymous with abortion rights. People preach that they are for female but not that of an unborn female. I truly don’t understand the disconnect.

Thanks Kerry. I’m right there with ya, it seems to be a huge disconnect. The baby girl in the womb is a woman too…??? Anywho, thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. i really appreciate the encouragement. big hugs xox

I do not know if your thesis is meant to be provocative, but Women are the marginalized gender in American society. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the person’s feelings. We may both stand at an intersection, witness a 2-car crash, but our different vantage points may cause us to focus on dissimilar details and arrive at opposing conclusions as to who is at fault. Likewise, our different experiences may also reveal latent prejudices that color our perspectives.

I do not know what it is like to be a European American Christian Woman from the Midwest, but I can tell you as your African American Muslim (former Christian) Sister raised in New York City, and I do not expect you to understand some of my struggles, but what I do expect from you is to respect me when I say, “I’m in pain. The struggle is hard. The system favors some more than others.” Because it does. Anything less than that empathy trivializes YOUR humanity. I am not delusional. Pain is pain and it is real.

My African ancestors did not deserve to be dragged to these shores, exploited in every way a human being can be, pay every levied tax, and all the while have their humanity systematically and LEGALLY denied. Was it hard for our predecessors? Yes. Is it still hard for some of their descendants? Yes. Is the system fair? No, it is not. Take it from you Black American Sister, we (Women) are marginalized.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It hurts my heart to hear that you feel marginalized, and to that, i say, *i hear you.* Because you’re right, we do all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences and perspectives that influence our beliefs and positions. I do not have the same ones as you. And so I can listen and learn. For me, having been sexually assaulted, coupled with the anorexia in my past has shaped what i believe. My hope in writing this was to create a dialogue where we all can voice our opinions so that we can learn and listen so that we can understand and respect one another. thank you again for sharing this. i really appreciate it. big hugs xox

Sis, You’re welcome. But understand, I do not feel marginalized on the contrary. Society attempts to marginalize us and with some, they are successful and with others the fail miserably.

Whatever challenges you have faced or are facing, understand God’s got you. He won’t let you fall. Sometimes we crash but He won’t put you into something that you can’t get out of and God Willing, you’ll be a better person because of the experience. The thing you have to realize is the pain and struggles are a normal part of life and are your badges of honor.

You are a Warrior Queen and no one can wear battle scars like you. Take the world by horns and knock that toro bull down and then…Keep it moving. 🙂

THIS! Spot on… And I used to be very much feminist until I realized how counterproductive it really is. Men and women are equal but NOT the same. I don’t want to give up who I am to be ‘equal ‘ to a man.

One of the things that I think we don’t do so well as a society is truly listening to others with differing opinions and experiences. As I read the responses to your post and your responses, it does sound like you are truly listening. So with that reading, and hope, I will add this thought to the discussion.

I am not sure what theory you subscribe to in terms of the etiology of anorexia. Certainly the research agrees about the prevalence of control needs in its development. I cannot help but see it, however, as a visual of internalized sexism. What do we do to ourselves when we starve ourselves but destroy the visual reminders of our womanhood? Our breasts shrivel, our periods stop… we lose curves and look gaunt- anything but nurturing and mothering. Certainly there are other ways we could exert control if that were the only dynamic powering the self-destruction. The form of anorexia- a very dominantly woman’s experience – seems to me to be a living metaphor of how we have internalized the indoctrination that we are inferior.

Certainly as women we all have differing experiences- based on race, class, geography, and family experience, among many other factors. One of the my deepest sorrows is the failure of women to support each other across those lines. One of my hopes is that we will learn to do so.

Hi Aurora, thank you so much for this thoughtful response and for asking this delicate question. i’m going to be honest, i’ve never thought about that link before, and it is quite interesting to consider. For my personal situation, it was a symptom of not believing i was worth being loved. i felt i was a burden. Not enough. Being female didn’t enter the equation for me personally. but i do think that that could hold true for a lot of other women. because you’re right, it is a predominantly women’s disease, and the pressures placed by upon women to achieve an unattainable standard of perfection, dictated by society, definitely plays into it. so i think that definitely could ring true. thanks so much for stopping by and for starting this dialogue. big hugs xox

Beautifully written. I consider myself feminist, but not the feminism I see going on right now. Maybe there should be a spectrum of feminism, but I’m much like you in terms of what I see and what I think the real solutions would be.

You are a person of great insight and gifted with the ability to articulate them in very readable and empathetic prose. Thank you and I’m grateful to God that almost 24,000 people are getting this message with more to follow as you get re-posted. God bless you!

oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. thank you!! i am grateful that people would take the time out of their day to read and respond. i am truly humbled and touched. thanks for stopping by! big hugs to you xox

Women and men complete each other in the symmetry of humanity…and marriage. Neither one is complete without the other. Neither can stand alone without the other. And today’s fight of feminism, abortion, et al, is not really a fight for equality or for moral virtue…but a cry for legitimacy, validity, and of a subtle defiance masked as legality. Well said, Caralyn. Well said.

Amen, sister! Exactly what I’ve been thinking lately! I have always considered myself a feminist – which makes the modern “feminist” movement very confusing. There is so much to celebrate about women and being a woman; so why are we fighting to be more like men?

I’ve asked myself and others the same question – why the anger? What are they angry about? Who are they angry at?

And to be so open and honest about pro-life, abortion, and the rights of women, unborn children, etc is brave. You opened yourself up to trolls and anger, yet you calmly and bravely post your thoughts. But, you also spoke/wrote what so many are thinking/feeling but haven’t spoken.

thank you so much. I can’t begin to express how much i appreciate the encouragement. yeah, i was definitely nervous to push the publish button, but i wanted to offer an alternative viewpoint and narrative than the one that is being pushed by the mainstream media, and hopefully start a dialogue. So i really am very grateful for the affirming and kind words. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read and respond! big hugs xox

Hey! I understand the general thrust of your argument, and I applaud you for discussing such an interesting topic.

I think there are a number of conceptual errors contained within this article. I will detail just a few of them. First, this piece critiques “feminism” but it never attempts to define what feminism actually is. It is important to remember that feminism is not a monolith. There have been at least THREE waves of feminism; and there are several different schools of thought within the so-called feminist camp. There is intersectional feminism; radical feminism; socialist feminism; ecological feminism; post-structural feminism, etc. Which strain of feminism, and which particular feminists are you critiquing here? Unless you highlight the specific strain of feminism and specific feminists – the entire argument is a straw-man. The essay is guilty of shadow-boxing – responding to a caricature of feminism as opposed to its reality.

Second, you argue that “women are not oppressed in the United States of America”. This is demonstrably false. At certain moments throughout this essay, the points you make betray your own argument. You pointed out that there is still wage inequality. Right. But this is the point you are missing: wage inequality IS an attack on women. Wage inequality IS oppression of women. Latinas are paid 54 cents for every dollar a white man earns. Black women earn 64 cents for every dollar a white man earns. Women of color are more likely to be impoverished. Earning less money means women of color are less able to feed, clothe, and shelter their families. This is an attack on women – and in particular, women of color. Native Americans are the most likely to be impoverished; and Native American women have rates of rape 4x the national average. So when you make the argument that “women are not oppressed” or “under attack”, your position departs from a baseline of whiteness and the privileges therein. I encourage you to read some of the articles I have written and posted under the “Sexism” tab on my blog.

Third, you take a strong position against protesting in this article. This argument only makes sense if we completely ignore history and how we got the rights we currently have. 150 years ago, workers had no rights at all. People were trapped in factories all day, working 16+ hours, for dirt wages. Children could be put to work in these dangerous conditions. How did workers gain occupational rights such as an 8-hour work day, health benefits, pension, and a minimum wage?? They protested. Workers went on strike, unionized, and caused hell to gain the rights we have. If it were not for the labor unions, we would still be working long days in hazardous conditions for almost no money. Every single right we hold near and dear came as the result of a social movement. If the suffragettes – the first wave feminists – did not PROTEST, you, as a woman, would not have gotten the 19th Amendment which gave you the right to vote. If second wave feminists did not PROTEST throughout the 20th century, you, as a woman, would still be banished from work – and would be confined to the household as an object for a man. Without the protests during the Vietnam Era, men could still be drafted against their will into war, etc. I repeat: every single right you have came as the direct result of other people protesting. It is easy to condemn protesters as “rioting” and having no concrete agenda because a lot of the heavy lifting has already been done for you. Our ancestors protested for us to make the world a better place … and we owe it to our unborn children to protest for them to make the world a better place in turn. When we condemn protesters, we are essentially saying: “there is no need to fight” – which, if one is a rich white man (or internalizes these values) makes a lot of sense. But most of the world needs to FIGHT, especially women. I urge you to keep that in mind.

Hi Daryl, thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful response. the passion you have for this topic is evident in your words, and i really appreciate you sharing you insight. and so i want to say, i hear you. Thank you for offering this perspective to the dialogue. i am sincerely grateful for the conversation this has spurred. because you’re right, we’re all on different journeys, and are bringing different experiences and perspectives to the table. and i believe we all have a lot to learn from each other, and so thank you for sharing this. i think the conversation can lead to greater respect and understanding. thanks again, and i hope you have a great day. and i will definitely check out the articles you mentioned 🙂 hugs xox

I’ve been skimming the comments so I apologize in advance if this has already been said.
The more I think about it, the more I am troubled by the statements like: American woman have it better than most so what are you complaining about?
So many issues with that… my first thought is that reminds of the house slave praising the amenities of the master’s house.
But I would say BECAUSE of American positioning and propaganda (We’re number 1!) it’s even worse, on a huge scale, that women are treated as they are. It’s even worse that there’s huge inequality in a place that proclaims all men are created equal.
It’s even worse that white women are treated better than women of colour.
It’s even worse that 1/3 women experience sexual assault AND even worse that white upper class perpetrators of that violence often don’t face justice for their actions and can even get elected to high government office.
It’s even worse that police often don’t give as much attention to crime against women.
The black women I know face racism on a daily basis while most of the women I know have been sexually abused at one point in their life. Here in Canada, we have what’s called the Highway of Tears. It’s a stretch of highway where dozens upon dozens of women, mostly native, have gone missing and their disappearances were largely ignored by police.
To me these issues, which I believe feminism speaks to, are more important than women’s “femininity.”

This is a breathtaking post..
A balanced diet well served…
I really admire you.. Your ability to speak the truth irrespective of its unpopularity is beautiful..
Caralyn!! Thank you for this post and for defining what true feminism is all about…
You are amazing…

Thank you for your post! I’m not in the US, and I can honestly say I’m clueless to the big buzz around “women’s freedom”. I’m Sudanese, living in Sudan, and I also happen to be an engineer. I’m not aware of any women in my circles who are being oppressed – unless it is their choice to be so. We get to enjoy all faces of life as men, so I’m really confused by all the buzz. Thank you for putting this in words!

Thanks so much, Azza, for sharing this interesting insight! I’m so glad to hear that! i think you’re right, it’s hard to get an accurate depiction of what is going on around the world, so i really appreciate you sharing what life is like for you in Sudan! Sending big hugs from across the pond 🙂 xoxo

I JUST LOVE EACH AND EVERY PART OF YOUR ARTICLE. great insights . i must say too much of everything is harmful, i was talking to a friend the other day and we both consider ourselves as Feminist but i was shocked when i asked her to explain to me what she meant by a sentence she had said. you are so brave and earned a lifetime reader

Thank you for liking my post although you do it so often you’re making me blush. Because of your help along with many others today I said it all time record so thank you to you and about 49 other people