Today the Pond, Tomorrow the World

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Jerky Men

Tig’s gave me a couple titles this week and I honestly wasn’t feeling them. No fault of his own, more of a me thing as I write this after grading midterms. This one seemed the most joke title, but by god I’m actually going to try and do this seriously. This is written with the bare minimum of research.

Jerky Men

A young boy dressed up as Robin (the boy wonder) stands next to his father at a small comic/entertainment convention. His father seems occupied standing in a line and he wanders off. He looks around in awe at a lot of cool booths before finding a older sad looking man sitting in front of a sign that says “Johnny Brennan of the Jerky Boys”

He approaches the table and Johnny starts doing a voice and bit before he notices it is just a young boy. He gets into a funny conversation with the kid who doesn’t understand prank phone calls. Johnny is vulgar and bitter. The kid asked how just Johnny could be the Jerky Boys and Johnny explains he had a partner but they had a falling out and don’t talk anymore. The boy’s father comes over and takes him away making the boy give back the CDs Johnny gave him.

We cut to Johnny in his own in Queens. There are empty beers everywhere and he’s eating alone. A knock at the door reveals a trashy looking escort, Lori, who Johnny has clearly used before. He brings up them actually dating and she takes it as a joke but we see this hurts him. They start having sex when the phone rings. He ignores it but it rings again. He answers frustrated to find his old manager telling him his old partner Kamal, is dying.

He steps out of a cab and is let into a nice looking home by a nurse. In a chair attached to some medical machine is Kamal. They talk a bit and tensions rise. Kamal has been smarter with his share of the money and set himself up but has some bad cancer. Kamal kneads him about how Johnny couldn’t change with the times. Johnny said he didn’t want to be Ashton Kutcher or Jamie Kennedy and filmed pranks suck. Johnny says they were geniuses of comedy using only their voices. Kamal tells him they could have pivoted in other ways.

Kamal’s nurse enters saying he needs some fresh air. This breaks the tension in the room and Kamal asks Johnny to take him to a nearby park. They get to the park and the conversation turns a bit nicer. Johnny notices Lori with a young boy. Kamal notices Johnny staring and starts yelling his name in a character voice. Lori notices and comes over to them. Kamal uses his illness to invite Lori and who we learn to be her young son to dinner with them.

The four of them start to spend time together and Johnny and Lori start to be more attracted to each other. Kamal gets her to leave her son with him and his nurse while the two go out for dinner. Johnny screws it up by joking about her work and she leaves. Johnny arrives back at Kamal’s who gives him a hard time. He picks up the phone and dials. He begins to do a prank phone call to cheer Johnny up. He tells Johnny to do one too and dials. As he begins to prank the caller he realizes its Lori. He apologizes and notices that Kamal smiling at him.

She agrees to meet up with them again and Kamal helps Johnny do much better again this time. Johnny makes a really great impression with her son. The two kiss but her son screams out. They turn to find Kamal passed out on the floor. Johnny dials 911 and we see him make an extremely serious phone call.

We cut to a doctor talking to Johnny about how poorly Kamal is doing. He allows Johnny to say goodbye. Johnny gives a sweet speech to Kamal who is seemingly asleep. Kamal laughs and gets up. He tells Johnny it was all a prank. He isn’t sick but wanted to help him. They run off together laughing. We see a montage of them with Lori and her son, them on stage together at conventions with a huge riotous crowd, etc. We then see the two of them doing a crank call. Johnny is the one on the phone and it starts beeping loudly, then the dial tone rings out a steady tone.

We cut back and it’s Johnny back at Kamal’s bedside. Kamal has died and Johnny was imagining the better life. He heads out to the hallway and leaves with Lori.

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2 thoughts on “Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Jerky Men”

You brilliant bastard. The whole time I’m reading it I’m thinking “this kamal bit is a prank it has to be” then shout with joy when it is, then am hit with utter dispare when it turns out to be a fantasy. Well done sir!