Many times in a person’s life they may come across another person who is violent to the extreme. Sadly they end up with ongoing physical, maybe neurological, difficulties with their health from that moment in time. Reading this might cause some triggering, ‘bad emotional response; anger, anxiety, sadness, pain). However I do feel that what I’m discussing here is more critical for you to know than to ignore because of possible negative response. Please do take the time to read, share, respond. This is our ongoing multitude of issues revolving around our history of tolerating personal violence inside our homes, which simply ‘trains’ our children to tolerate this in their life, affecting their children, who then accept their own level of suffering in their life, which then affects their children and so on, etc……..

Our topic of Head Trauma from Violence can be viewed as the same information provided for the football players in repeated concussions. The biggest difference, the football player has a helmet and body pads. Inside a home of violence however, you never know when things might go extreme and if you are a child, to have a person twice your size and maybe 3x your weight; the end result can most definitely be death or lingering physical or neurological issues from the trauma.

We, our ‘decent’ human society, often feels as if this subject matter is being discussed to either get pity for things they have already survived or climbed above, or it is considered to be ‘Too Intense’ for common conversation. How about the fact that most of us know someone who is being violently or sexually attacked on a regular basis, or at least once in their lifetime anyway. The length of time a person endures these traumatic experiences depends on a few specifics;

How old are they? – Do they have the ability of age to speak up, get help, drive a car; get away, or work to support themselves?

What is their level of tolerance learned? – How long have they been living in this pattern of accepting violence?

What is their perception of self? Do they feel they deserve this type of treatment? Do they believe they can survive to pay their own way through life without someone who hurts them verbally/physically/sexually?

Do they have a close friend to talk to or who will get them help when needed; hopefully medical help and a police report?

This constant level of extreme violence, which quite often involves threats with weapons, use of weapons, threats of death or sudden violent attacks without cause of anger. This happens more often when people on are heavy types of illicit drugs such as Meth or even heavy drinking. I personally know a lot of people who are affected by drinking Whiskey or Tequila. Drinking, rather it is wine or whiskey is a very common act which happens in almost every household. This is something our kids learn as social behavior and many of them in our inner city or urban areas see drastic levels of drug or alcohol use on a regular basis. This is not to leave out our rural or rich society, because it most definitely is a staple of coping life in their homes as well.

Since I’ve worked much of my life as a bartender, (an excellent backup skill to always have an income); also I grew up in an alcoholic and drug enticing environment; I’ve seen people under the influence on different levels of drinking or illicit drugs. In this type of human acceptance of drinking and the BAR environment; I’ve seen first hand how alcohol has the greatest negative response for many people. They are trying to cope with the struggles of their life, maybe past trauma, but instead of finding a peaceful place they find an angry place. This will cause many family arguments, many of those simply because someone was in eyesight so they end up getting attacked. Violence is an instant reaction caused by someone who has reached their angry place inside. The choice to act against another person can be triggered by conversation, being in a difficult environment, around people they feel are a threat to their identity, or from the chemical reaction of the alcohol itself.

The violence usually begins on a verbal foundation, suddenly a rage in the person’s reactions; slamming a fist on the table or couch, stomping their foot, throwing an item, or suddenly grabbing the person who is closest to them. The violence can quickly become intensely dangerous, which results in kicking, punching, strangulation, or by slamming the person’s head against a solid surface. This is when it becomes most life threatening and could cause a lasting trauma within the brain itself from possible bruising on the brain, just like what happens in the concussion injury of our major NFL Players or the controversial high school football when they begin to get more physically developed to cause an injury.

Myself, I lost count of how many times I was actually knocked out or had my head bashed against a solid surface in a violent attack. I’ve been slammed repeatedly against dashboards, windows, mirrors, stoves, refrigerators, doors, walls, even a huge tree slab that was meant to be a table top about eight inches thick. There was NEVER any type of medical follow up to confirm a concussion, especially during my childhood. No way could my parents risk taking me to the doctor and having my leather strap lashes and bashed up head examined; the state would have taken their family slave immediately. This is why most people in a violent home rarely receive the necessary medical treatment. I’ve had cracked or broken ribs, couldn’t move or breathe well for weeks. I’ve had both collar bones broken at the end from having my shoulder area smashed against a wall or stomped on while being kicked in the head.

Today, in my mid 50’s, there are a lot of chronic pain issues from injuries. There is also the Fibromyalgia from living in a constantly high stress environment. Our medical community have confirmed that Fibromyalgia ‘can be directly connected to the Fight or Flight Response’. Our human system is designed to enhance our adrenaline and heightened response to threat. However, if you cannot change your situation and cannot avoid being harmed, your body’s reaction to stress becomes confused. Your nerve endings go into an intense reaction from the heightened response, yet you are physically not able to do anything to get away; this causes a ‘trained’ intense neurological response to any sense of ‘threat’ and becomes a cramping, burning and intense pain in the upper body, pressure builds up in your forearms and calves, then shoots down into your fingers and feet as if they are on fire. I’ve found that Lyrica is the best medication for this type of pain, but Coping Skills must be used to calm your intense reaction so that your body & adrenaline response also calm, which then loosens the muscle contraction and burning sensation. Fibromyalgia is commonly found in those with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It is also found more in women, but I believe that men have not yet been fully examined in this research as they are just beginning to seek out help when in a violent relationship. Fibromyalgia is also found in those who have been in a threatening situation for a long period of time.

These are just a few lasting injuries from violent trauma, which are directly linked to possible ongoing disabling and chronic results which impact our nation’s healthcare system. Since many of us are harmed as children, we tend to accept a certain level of violent (verbal, physical, sexual) depending on what you lived through during your formidable years. It’s important to consider the types of influence on our growing deficit as well. The cost of those who cannot work for their independent survival income, either because of physical or emotional injury from violence and abusive actions; these millions of persons become a national responsibility, which we all know is already crippled, bankrupt, and out of control.

However, if we are trained to spot the WARNING SIGNS OF TRAUMA & VIOLENCE, as given from many reputable organizations who are experts on these traumas. I have also developed a presentation which connects all factors of violence, sexual trauma, and the result of what can become human trafficking or exploitation. ‘A View from the Inside’ is available for viewing but is copyright research which has taken about three years to put together in the total connection of what can become the most dangerous place in the world; the connection of ‘Family Violence & Human Trafficking’. This is a crucial topic in our society and should be a priority topic for all of our elected officials and our service providers, regardless if you are a neighbor, family member, educator, law enforcement, or healthcare professional. You NEED to know what are those unspoken signs of trauma?

In closing, think of Shaken Baby Syndrome, if we consider how detrimental to natural development is interrupted by shaking a baby, causing their brain to bounce off the skull, then what is also the cognitive and lasting affect after concussion or bashing a teen or adult head repeatedly for an extended period of time? This is something I am researching now as I focus on the growing impact of violence in our society, especially in family violence with rarely any type of medical attention received. Most of the injuries go unreported as a whole, and the victims are taught to ‘simply walk it off’ type of conditioning to tolerance. We cannot end the travesty in our society of street violence or school violence, until we tackle the growing pandemic of ‘Family Related Violence & Trauma’.

Thanks for reading and I do hope you will help share this crucial information. When we can provide needed medical help, we reduce the possibility of permanent injury and in the end also reduce the high risk of injury and early disabling conditions.

This is no joke my friends. In January I was asked to present for the Illinois Department of Public Health; April 8th for the Women’s Health & Family Wellness. Unbelievably the lead coordinator for this conference contacted me last week and stated they would have to cancel. When I asked upfront if it was something specific about my story or my presentation, she quickly responded;

‘Your story is really a bit too much in your face. Perhaps if you tone it down a bit and focus more on what we can do to help, then maybe we can invite you back. We’ll keep you on the list of presenters and see what happens.

Let me say first, any time that anyone has asked me to speak – all they have wanted is my horrific victim story. I have learned how to ease my story through but it’s not an easy feat, especially when you consider the true horrific nature of the story itself and how many persons circled through my childhood and adult relationships without ever saying a word.

Quickly I emailed this lead coordinator the presentation I have used to help more than 100 survivors, used on more than 200 radio shows, and have built a website for educational & empowerment for every person. It is NOT a VICTIM’S STORY. In fact, it is ‘Steps to Recovery’.

In this presentation I share first our protective law history, the stats of some 2.3 million discarded reports because the sole intake worker decided they didn’t warrant further investigation. The presentation also covers the very serious truth about molestation, a crime which leaves no physical trace. When someone has molested a child, there is rarely any trace because it’s not like rape. It is touching and groping, therefore without seeing a child’s physical response to another person, or listening to how they play and interact with other children or their toys; you may never know your child is being molested. If the person/s molesting the child are the parents/guardians, then this child may have been going through this since before they can remember. It could be that sexual contact and stimulation is all they know. If they have just started being molested, you will see the outward signs of trauma and challenges in the child’s appearance, interactions, and their school work.

Anyway, also in the presentation I go through the Five Steps of Recovery which came from what I had to do in order to help myself change from victim to victorious. These are goal lists, positivity lists, understanding the impacts of my specific trauma, and it is the work which VICTIMS have to do, NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THIS FOR THEM. It is about empowering every victim with the one thing taken from them which leaves them in a victim state of life, it is about teaching them to use their voice and not to be ashamed of what someone else has done to them. It is not a crime they did but rather a crime committed AGAINST THEM.

Think about this for a moment, if we tell victims they need to ease up on the facts of what someone else has done to them, isn’t this the same as the abuser telling them that no one cares, no one wants to hear, no one will help them? In my eyes, having gone through my own very challenging and life pattern changing recovery; silencing a victim is like putting them in a cage with a bowl of water and a blanket for comfort. It’s like gagging them and only letting them talk when you want to hear them. It’s like taking away their power and their strength to find their balance again. It’s very hard for a victim to find trust and safety to speak at all. They must reach deep down inside to find that one point of them that they feel matters and then believe that someone else will think that it matters as well.

Now, having the Public Health Department tell me that they had professionals who had seen video of me, had seen photos and read a few emails; then decided my story was just too ugly to sit through. If we cannot educate the professionals about the honest truth of how vicious these crimes within our homes, hidden under the parental control and inflicted terror against a child; if we cannot be honest then how will we ever teach our children that they have nothing to be ashamed of? How will we teach them to tell someone when they are being touched, probed, sold, traded, beaten and degraded by the people they live with, the persons who control their very existence? I ask you friends, although we should definitely use age appropriate measures when talking with our kids about these topics, how can we teach them if the professionals do not want to hear the details of their suffering?

I very much believe that the voice of a victim is the one solid tool which will lead them to feel victorious in their life. One step at a time they learn that as they release the details of their suffering that are no longer afraid of the sledge hammer of hell coming down to destroy them. It is the locked up silence which traps them in living a victim pattern of life. This much I’ve learned in the years of not having insurance or money for a therapist so I lay in bed crying for days, screaming about the how & why of what happened to me, why wasn’t I worthy of protecting as they protected my siblings? Why did I have to be a slave, forced to answer the ring of that little brass bell, whatever the ‘master’ needed? Why was I the only one forced to spend days scrubbing the corners of our house, then two years after I move out, the house is so over run with roaches, not even the exterminator can keep up with the battle? Why didn’t it matter that I was covered with filth and infection, my teeth black, plaque covered and broken, my body covered in bruises day after day? Why didn’t someone in that town help me, why didn’t I matter as a human being?

Because no one ever stepped up to say; ‘Hey Trecia Ann, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. You deserve to be safe, take a bath in your home, a toothbrush, some tenderness.’ Sadly as a result of all those people who either witnessed or took part in the sadistic games with me as the prize, but yet not one ever found me worthy to acknowledge as a human being; it is these types of actions which led me to believe this was my life. This is was what I deserved, and I should never think that I deserve anything better. It is all of this that left me living in a victim state of mind. I was everyone’s perfect victim and completely submissive for any person who showed me a hint of kindness. I just wanted to be loved, to be safe, and I would give anything of myself to not have someone hurt me, even to the point of regulating my breathing so as not to give cause for another attack.

I know many exactly like me and I hope you have taught the children you know the true power of their voice and our professionals need to know how monsters like this make it their mission to silence their victims. As ridiculous as it may sound, my stepfather still has me terrified of my afterlife; afraid that I might have to endure him all over again. This is a real fear for me. This is how evil and how horrific his actions were and not a single person in the middle of that town would ever want to hear my voice, my plea for mercy, my begging my mother’s help, my prayers for God to take me away.

Readers, I hope as you’ve read this it made some sense and that you will watch the children in your circle of life and family. I assure you, I am not the only survivor of such atrocities. I assure you, evil like this is happening in the smallest of communities across the country. As many advocates I work and share with have found, more cases of parental child sex trafficking & web-based exploitation of their children is happening in small communities across the country. The internet has a lot of great uses, but the deviate mind who wants to make money; they find that charging people to watch them molest, traffick and exploit their children is sadly more than our services can possibly take down. All of us within a community need to be aware of the children in our neighborhood. Do they seem like good kids? Are their people coming and going at all hours? Is there a lot of adult men and strangers coming to the house? Our educators can help by watching how the child’s school work is completed, are they up to date, interact in class, have reasonable social skills with others, are they reasonably clean and well cared for?

Our health care professionals & law enforcement are the frontline for their safety. You need to know how dark it can become and exactly what adults will go through to silence a child for what can turn into decades of their life, remember the fear and silence has to outlast any statute of limitations so that the predator is never held accountable or prosecuted for their harm done. We should never tell ANY victim to be quiet, ‘tone it back’, ‘get over it’. They may want to have us ease our stories, but for this victim who has worked so hard to become victorious and put every ounce of devotion possible into helping make sure we are able to help others trapped today, the frontline defenders will not tell this victim; ‘it just doesn’t matter’.

To me this reprehensible, and it feels a lot like the weapon and slap used to silence me a long time ago.

Please forgive me if this post seems a bit gruff or harsh, I surely do not intend for it to be disrespectful in any form.

What in the world is going on here???????

This morning I’m waking up and catching the early morning St. Louis local news broadcast, which I always do, with an excellent team I enjoy @KMOV News 4. Once again they did a wonderful job in bringing attention to 2 local area recent ATTEMPTED CHILD ABDUCTIONS by a predator. They also focused a few moments on sex abuse, which once again a victim of a coach is coming forward to speak up about what happened seventeen years ago while under the coach’s direction.

I am so proud of the silent victims who find the courage to speak up about any case of sexual abuse. It is a truly SILENT CRIME. Molestation leaves NO PHYSICAL WOUNDS to show the child has been touched, fondled, violated. Oral Sexual Abuse leaves NO PHYSICAL WOUNDING for us to see; something to confirm right off the bat our child has been harmed. Sexual abuse of children in this form is just the beginning for a pedophile, if not caught early on, the abuse could last for 10 years or more. This is the need we have now to teach our children the power of their voice and speak up when they are being violated by these acts, NO MATTER WHO THE OFFENDER MIGHT BE!!!

Back to the direct topic, about the victim who is speaking out against the coach who abused them and the media coverage of these cases….

Now I absolutely do not have a problem supporting the media finally bringing attention to this topic, it is most definitely about time. The issue I thought of as I listened was simply this;

Why is it that when a victim comes forward about an abduction or another person who had charge of them and then abused that power, our media is more than happy to share? However, when it is a victim coming forward about a childhood filled with nightmarish abuse and evil sadistic attacks by their parent(s) – NOT ONE PUBLIC TELEVISION NEWS WANTS TO BE THE ONE TO REPORT THAT STORY????

Sadly our society knows inside, that this type of abuse happened for many children decades ago, and still today, ON A CONSTANT BASIS!!! Their homes which should be filled with laughter and love of family, are turned into a whirlwind of degradation, violent attacks, threats with weapons, and the worst of continuous sexual contact. The abusive acts are suspected by others or witnessed by others, but then dismissed or discounted; minimized so the child will remain silent and believe they are crazy for acting out. Even on a deeper level of predator control; their lives or the lives of other family members or pets may be threatened with death if the child speaks up, or we will lose our home, our family will be torn apart and it will all be YOUR FAULT. This is the truth about what the daily abused child lives with and what many hundreds of us as adults, parents & grandparents now, are finally trying to break down the barriers of family silence about these acts and give the survivors comfort to heal, resources to help mend their broken lives.

Why do we NOT want to bring media attention to these types of cases?

Well it is this survivors opinion that because this type of abuse and evil violent attacks have touched so many of our lives in the past. Many of us have become numb to these cases because it runs so deep within our past generations. Many more of us believe that if we bring this type of evil to the surface it will invade our family and then what will we do?

I’m asking, as I always do, that survivors of these past types of childhood attacks find the courage to break their silence and allow the media to draw attention to the vast numbers of beings we represent as a whole. We are an estimated 50 to 60 Million Survivors Strong so you will NOT STAND ALONE as you speak up. Those around you may not wish to hear your toxic words, but until we can make these types of cases a fact in our society and teach everyone the importance of protecting their family circle; then how can we expect our children who are living in this constant threat from their parents to ever find the courage to speak up?

I, and many millions of others, know how harmful these heavy secrets can be to a person’s emotional state and how years of accepting these personally violating attacks day after day will take away the value you should feel about yourself. It traps you in believing it doesn’t matter; many victims find themselves trained into a continuing pattern of acceptance and maybe even harming their own children?

When will the vast majority of these cases be a sign that we need to do something about it now? When will these horrifying stories of vicious incest and even the common practice of handing our children off for someone else to violate, be as important in the media as the cases of the coaches, pastors, scout leaders and others such persons of society? These are the ugly truths that must be brought forward in order to help change what we have always passed on to our children.

Don’t get me wrong here, we must continue to teach our children to defend against a predator from outside the family circle, but when will we also empower them to believe it is just as important to see that ANYONE, even your parents, can be a predator??

I am a strong voice against the abuse or violence against any other being, but my focus is directed at the attacks which happen inside our homes every second of every day!!! When we empower society to end the tolerance of these types of abuses, then we can truly begin to feel we are making a huge change to influence a safer world for our kids. They will be the ones to pass on the knowledge, the human behaviors we teach them, the socially acceptable practices we drill into their heads every day, this is what they will be teaching their children.

What happens when we continue to teach silence about the acts of sexual, physical, or emotional harm that happens within their family unit? We get yet another generation infected with a higher rate of premature death; heart & pulmonary conditions; other health related issues both physical and emotional. Is this what we want to pass on in their lives, so that they are broken parents who then influence their children with emotional harm or worse?

It is my hope that if you read this blog, you pass it on to another, and then another. It’s not about fame or attention, it is about passing it on to empower another survivor, who was once a child victim, to believe in their voice and the courage they carry inside to break down those cage like walls then finally walk free from these life impacting wounds today. Join with me and many hundreds more as we share our voices to empower children today. Join us in letting kids who are being harmed at this very moment, to know there is a life outside of these attacks and they too will one day break free to begin their own path in life, they will have freedom & safety when they use their voice to end the constant abuses.

It is also my hope that our country’s media resources begin revealing the ongoing numbers of parental victims of vicious childhood abuses who are sharing their stories to enlighten, empower, and educate society today; hoping they can make a difference in saving just one child from this lifelong pain of secrets.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, please help me share this message. Again I am not condemning our media or the many victims of society’s abuses who are speaking up today, I am merely hoping that someone will help bring focus to the daily attacks that happen within our homes, killing the souls of men, women & children every second of every day!!!

Visit the website for Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery to find out how you too can take back control and feel your strength to break free and finally find the path to your own true happiness. Find me through many social networking platforms @triciagirl62

**Don’t forget to grab your copy of ‘My Justice’ today!! When you purchase this memoir of a tortured life who finally finds the love she’s longed for to protect and give her strength, you support our ongoing community outreach programs of empowerment and education against these types of abuses.**

***You can find ‘My Justice’ through most online book resources; Amazon, Barne’s & Noble, Authorhouse.com. If you wish to try it out first, because it is one truly powerful read which may cause a lot of emotional reactions especially for survivors, YOU CAN READ THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS FREE before you purchase. I assure you it’s a page turner which everyone should be reading. As quoted in many reviews received ‘A compelling story which strikes such a deep impacting nerve you want to stand up and scream as you walk the path of this incredible survivor’. You can find many of the reviews for ‘My Justice’ along with marvelous testimonials for Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio and the growing website resources by visiting our direct link above.***

Talk to your kids about Bullying!!! Parents are your kids being bullied or maybe they are the bully????

August 1st Kicks off National Month of ” Don’t Be a Bully”!! Our kids will be starting back to school and there is so much to worry about. However I do hope you take a few bits of time here and there to address the subject of Bullying with your kids. It’s my opinion that we cannot just say “Deal With It” any longer to our children. As you have seen shared across the web and I’m sure your local news channels, BULLYING IS A SEVERE & TRAGIC LEVELS!!! It is the epidemic that plaques our children.

We have seen and heard how vicious these attacks of bullying have grown. We have also seen and heard how many of our young children either succeed at committing suicide because of bullying or they have stated a threat of suicide. I’m not talking about just the dramatic teens; I’m talking about children as young as NINE years old. I’ve seen and heard this first hand from my own grandson.

Many times in his third grade year he went to the teacher with a complaint of harassment, teasing, even physical pushing from other classmates. When my daughter tried desperately to get the school active at helping with the worsening situation, she was ignored; even told her son needed to learn how to cope with the teasing of other kids,

“Kids will be Kids”.

How true that simple statement is, but do we realize just how bad it has gotten? When I was a kid the teasing happened only at school. These days our children can’t get away from the constant torment of others. They are using cyber bullying, texting, phone calls, and even bold enough to video tape themselves to try and get famous on YouTube!! There is a difference between some teasing that all of us have been a part of, but our children are suffering Anxiety attacks just trying to get to school each morning. They dread so badly what the Bully/Bullies might do or say, that it causes severe emotional distress. In fact, if your child rides a bus to school, it’s likely that the bully they dread might be on that same bus or at their same bus stop.

We can’t expect the teachers and our educators to take full responsibility for educating our kids about this growing epidemic. We as parents have a larger responsibility because they are OUR children; teaching them about life’s issues is the responsibility of the parents. All schools need to enact some form of Early Learning Anti-Bullying Program. This needs to be addressed to K-3 grades. I believe that if we can make a greater impact on our younger children about how NOT to be a bully; how to report acts of bullying; how to understand we are not all the same and that’s alright because it makes the world a great place, these are some basic early learning skills that our kids are smart enough and capable of understanding. It will give them knowledge, which instills confidence, this grows personal safety awareness, allows our children to develop a caring for others in society, and gives them courage when reporting ANY ACT that is perceived as wrong; including abuses that may be going on at home, which results in greater safety for our kids.

As schools vamp up address the school officials in your area and find out their policy on bullying; record any reports your child makes; if the problem is not addressed properly and promptly, please take it to your NEWS MEDIA and hold our schools responsible for the balance of safety within their boundaries; including on the buses!!!