I seldom allowed photos - this is not quite at the peak of my illness.

Me today

A little over two years ago, I was a different person than I am today. I was suffering from a chronic illness with which I'd struggled for more than 25 years to get an accurate diagnosis. Today, I understand that my issue wasn't a single problem, but rather an amalgamation of health problems that included celiac disease, lots of food allergies, sensitivities to environmental toxins, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, hormonal imbalances, and rampant inflammation from uncontrolled autoimmune disease. No wonder doctors had a hard time figuring me out!

Before I get into how I got my life back, I want to try and help you understand just how ill I actually was. I weighed over 300 pounds. I was in a chronic state of gastrointestinal distress. My stomach hurt constantly, and it was difficult to leave my house for very long because I never knew when I'd have to race to the bathroom. When I did use the bathroom (several times a day), it caused severe pain, and I'd wind up a sweating mess. Once those episodes passed, I managed to limp to a recliner in my living room, where I cradled my aching body. It's where I spent most of my time.

I had zero energy. I had chronic, severe indigestion for which I took a daily dose of omeprazole (Prilosec), as well as Tums and Zantac just to keep it under control. I had migraines 15 days a month. I was in constant moderate to severe pain in my back, legs, arms, knees, hips, and elsewhere. I slept poorly because of the pain. Movement was out, both due to pain and just general intolerance for movement. Most days, it was all I could do to get up and get dressed. I tried to make meals for my family, but we wound up eating out a lot because I just didn't have the energy. I seldom had the energy to clean my house, cook, or do laundry, and I certainly didn't have the energy do to yard work. As a result, my house was in disarray and my yard went to seed. I was embarrassed by the state of my yard and home, by the mountain of laundry on my laundry room floor, by the fact that I - someone who loves to cook - wasn't feeding my family nutritious and delicious meals but relying on fast food instead. I was deeply ashamed of how small my physical existence had become because I was certain all of it was my fault.

My world became mostly a mental and spiritual one. Because I was physically incapable of doing much, I instead journeyed inward. I've always been a creative soul, and my work as a writer kept me mentally, creatively, and intellectually challenged. Getting lost in my creative projects also kept me out of my body. I moved into a mental space where I decided to disown my body. After all, if my body was going to betray me so viciously for nearly three decades, then to heck with it. Instead, I stayed in my mental, spiritual, intellectual, and creative space and just pretended my body didn't exist at all. I used to tell people that I felt as if I didn't inhabit my body. If that meant I couldn't do things I used to love anymore like play the piano or cook, oh well. All I needed was my mind and spirit.

It wasn't always this way. When I was in my late teens and 20s, I was fit and active. I was an aerobics instructor, personal trainer, and competitive bodybuilder. I ran 10Ks, hiked, bicycled, went dancing, and had a vibrant, joyful, active life. Then, one morning I awoke and it was as if a switch had been flipped. I felt terrible. When I exercised, it made me sicker. I started to pack on weight very quickly in spite of a low-fat, low-calorie diet. At first, I sought diagnosis, fought the power, and tried very hard to get back to health, but I continued to deteriorate. By the time I was in my 30s, I'd given up hope that anything could help me, and I'd completely divorced myself from my body, focusing instead on relationships, spirituality, and creative and intellectual pursuits.

But I never completely gave up on my physical self. Somewhere deep inside, I still had a tiny seed of hope that somehow I could get my life back. Every few years, sought a new healthcare practitioner, hoping to find the one that could finally unwind the mystery that was my body. Many were dismissive, diagnosing me with "fatness" and stating all my problems stemmed from that. Few ever looked at my obesity as a symptom of a larger issue, which never made sense to me. After all, my obesity came along with and after other issues, suggesting to me it was a symptom of a larger problem. However, when I would suggest that, I'd often be accused of being in denial about my fundamental mental and emotional weakness as a fat person.

Occasionally, however, I'd find someone who would be willing to try a thing here or there. One wonderful nurse practitioner finally did some testing I'd been begging for from other doctors for years, and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Getting on the right type of medication and dose certainly helped, but it wasn't the entire puzzle. The same nurse practitioner put me on Topamax for prevention of my migraines. The Topamax certainly made the migraines go away, and it had another unexpected result, as well. It caused me to drop weight. Rapidly. However, even as I dropped the weight, I noticed that most of my symptoms - the aches and pains, the gastrointestinal distress, the hormonal imbalances, the exercise intolerance, the poor sleep - remained. This further convinced me that the diagnosis I'd received from so many others - fatness - wasn't at the root of my problems. Likewise, the Topamax made my IQ drop by about 30 points, took away my creativity, and made gave me synesthesia. It wasn't worth the weight loss. I discontinued after about a year, and not surprisingly, the weight came back on and the migraines returned, but I was unwilling to accept the side effects of the Topamax.

As I regained the weight, I saw the disappointment in the eyes of my loved ones. I felt that I had failed them on some level, not being able to keep off the weight, but I also knew that remaining on the Topamax was failing myself. I needed to seek another solution.

Finally, I realized I couldn't look to busy doctors to unwind whatever was going on with my health. It was up to me, and I entered into intense research. I was determined to find a way to get as much of my life back as I possibly could. As I researched my own health issues, I would take them to my health care provider. It was in this way I discovered an acute dairy allergy and celiac disease - which is intolerance to even trace amounts of gluten.

Today, I've lost 145 pounds. I can exercise again. I no longer have any indigestion, nor do I take medication for it. I occasionally have migraines, but they are mild and short-lived, and not nearing the 15 days per month of severe migraines I had before. My house is clean and my yard is getting there. I don't have laundry mountain anymore. My pain is gone. I cook for my family every day. I no longer live in only a mental, intellectual, creative, and spiritual world anymore. I have re-integrated body, mind, and spirit. I live in my body. I have my life back.

I am writing this post because I was able to work my way out of chronic illness and I believe many others can, too. I am listing what worked for me in hopes that if you, too, are suffering from chronic illness, you, too, can get all - or at least a significant part - of your life back, as well.

I'm not suggesting it is going to be easy. It took significant effort on my life. I had to eliminate virtually everything in order to find out what in my environment was contributing to my illness. I had to be my fiercest advocate medically, and often had rather contentious conversations with doctors or found new doctors in order to get what I needed. Many of the changes I made were pretty big switches in lifestyle. I had to enlist buy-in from my loved ones, who, by the way, have been tremendously supportive.

Step One: Elimination DietI write about this in a lot of my cookbooks for people on special diets - the elimination diet. It involves stripping the diet down to bare bones and then adding things in one at a time to determine which foods cause you issues. It's not the same for everyone.

I followed an elimination diet for four weeks. On that diet, I eliminated anything that could potentially be a toxin including:

I followed this diet for four weeks, and immediately noticed a difference in how I felt. I felt better than I had in years. After the four weeks, I began adding back foods in one at a time, noticing how they made me feel. If I experienced any level of a return of symptoms on that food, it was permanently no longer a part of my diet.

The process of reintroducing foods takes weeks. If you are coming off an elimination diet, reintroduce only a single food at a time. For instance, if you are reintroducing nightshades, try a little bit of tomato on the first day and monitor your body for reactions. A symptoms and food diary can be very helpful here. If you notice a reaction, no more tomato. If you don't have a reaction, try a larger amount of tomato (maybe trying something concentrated like tomato paste) the next day, watching for reaction. If you have any reaction at all, eliminate that food from your diet. If no reaction again, then try a different nightshade, such as a bell pepper and watch for reaction. If you continue to have no reaction after a week of eating nightshades and different nightshades, you can assume this is a safe food group for you and add it back into your diet.

Do this for each of the food groups you've eliminated, keeping all processed foods, industrial seed oils, fast foods, foods with artificial colorings, flavorings, additives and preservatives, artificial sweeteners, table salt (sea salt is fine), and sugar out of your diet permanently.

Currently, I eat a modified low-carb paleo diet. It helps keep my weight in control and keeps all of the toxic ingredients that cause me issues out of my diet.

Step Two: Environmental Elimination "Diet"

The next thing I focused on was environmental toxins. Many people don't realize just how toxic some of the things we have in our environment actually are. Many act as xenoestrogens, causing hormonal imbalances in the body. For my environmental detox, I removed potential environmental toxins from my life and my home for four weeks before starting to add things back in again to see what affected me. Below, I'll list the things I eliminated and what I used in their place. I found most of my replacement products through the EWG's Skin Deep database, which lists the toxicity of products.

-Laundry detergent - I used soap nuts (they work well!) in their place and eventually switched to a fragrance-free, more environmentally-friendly version of laundry detergent.-Fabric softener - I use wool dryer balls, to which I add a few drops of an essential oil for fragrance-House cleaning products (like Windex, Spic n Span, Lysol, 409 spray, etc.) - I purchased a steam cleaner and started cleaning with steam with a few drops of essential oil added. Now, I use either the steam cleaner or less toxic versions of house cleaning products, like Meyers Clean Day products. -Air fresheners - I switched to essential oil diffusers and soy essential oil candles.-Shampoo - I used the EWG database to find a shampoo that didn't have toxins. I have since then found two brands of shampoo that don't affect me - Kerastase and Pureology, so I use those.-Skin cleansers, moisturizer, lotion, makeup, etc. - I used the EWG database to find suitable substitutes.-Perfume/fragrance - I use essential oil based fragrance now instead.

As with the elimination diet, I tried things to see what affected me. I discovered that, for me, one of the biggest environmental toxins is artificial fragrance in products, and I was able to switch to products that used essential oils, or switch to fragrance-free and use essential oils, instead.

Step Three: Stress Release

If you are chronically ill, chances are you are stressed out. Chronic pain, frustration, depression - these are all part of chronic illness, and they can quickly lead to adrenal exhaustion, which becomes a complicating factor in an already complicated health picture. Therefore, self-TLC is a huge part of recovering from chronic illness. I used a combination of techniques to help with this part of my recovery.

- I started meditating daily. Meditation doesn't have to mean sitting on the floor in the lotus position chanting OM. Meditation can be anything that takes you out of your head and allows you to be focused in the moment. Given the right frame of mind, activity can be just as meditative as sitting and chanting. So can listening to music, walking, or anything else. I meditate daily for about 30 minutes.- I began to notice how I breathe and changed it. I focused on breathing deeply into my belly instead of taking shallow breathes into my chest. Whenever I felt stressed, I would pause a moment, place my hands on my heart, and take three deep belly breaths.-I learned to let things go. I listened to my internal dialogues about myself and, as I caught myself thinking unkind thoughts about me (or uttering unkind words), I quickly changed them to positive affirmative statements instead.

Step Four: Visualization and Affirmation

My internal dialogues about myself were a mess. They went something like this...."I'm fat and disgusting." "I'm so sick all the time." "I don't feel well." "I'm an unhealthy mess." "I can't exercise or I'll get sick." "I'm so sick all the time."

You get the idea. I realized that in order to make external change, I had to change my internal dialogues to thoughts and words that were more supportive of myself.

-I started monitoring my thoughts and words and when I caught myself in the act of self-denigration, I changed what I thought or said.-I wrote affirmations daily in positive terms, using phrases like, "I am healthy."- I began daily visualization, seeing myself as whole and healthy. One visualization I still engage in daily is visualizing healthy life force entering into every cell of my body, filling me with vitality and healthy energy.

Step Five: Sleep

I used to believe sleep was for wimps. Now I understand that it is extremely important to honor all of our bodies needs - including the need for sleep. I began practicing better sleep hygiene and listening to my body's desire for sleep, even napping mid-day if it was necessary. For better sleep hygiene:

-Make the bedroom a place for sleep only.-Create an environment conducive to sleep. Eliminate excess light in the room (with blackout shades, etc.). Move your clock across the room so it isn't glowing next to your head. Set a comfortable temperature in the room. Drown out ambient noise using a white noise machine or white noise app. Consider an aromatherapy diffuser with a relaxing scent like lavender.-Stop using backlit screens at least two hours before bedtime (this means computers, laptops, tablets, cell phones, etc.) I go screen-free and read for a few hours before bedtime.-Have a bedtime routine you follow every night.-Go to bed at the same time every night and try to wake up at the same time every morning.-Honor your body's unique sleep needs. Just because your partner only needs six hours of sleep a night doesn't mean you can get by with that little. Listen to your body's sleep signals.

Step Six: Exercise

When you're chronically ill, exercise is the last thing you often want to do. And, in many cases (like mine), you may have developed exercise intolerance, where a workout exacerbates symptoms. I totally get it. The trick with exercise, then, is to engage in a very gentle form of it and honor your body's signals. I know for me, I always thought if I wasn't exercising balls to the wall where my body ached afterward, it just wasn't worth it. I had to re-conceptualize what exercise meant for me, listening to my body's signals and acting in concert with them. The motto no pain, no gain was no longer an option for me. - I started by engaging in very gentle activity, and only as much as my body would allow. For me, tai chi was a good place to start, as was gentle walking following my body's pace.-I learned to listen to my body's signals, stopping when it said it was done and resting afterwards as long as my body indicated it needed. -I gradually worked my way up to greater levels of activity and shorter rest times.-Today, I engage in an hour of Nia three days per week and an hour of yoga three days per week. I always listen to my body's signals as I exercise, adjusting the intensity as my body indicates it needs and resting when I need it.-When my body says STOP and doesn't support high-intensity activity, I listen. Our bodies send us signals for a reason...

Step Seven: Energy Healing

This isn't for everyone, but it has been a huge part of my healing journey. I am a Reiki master, and I practice Reiki healing on myself daily, even if I only do it for five minutes (although usually I incorporate it into my meditation, so it's longer). There are many forms of energy healing, including sound healing, movement healing, hands-on healing, and more. For a few ideas, you can check out my energy healing handouts from the class I taught.

Step 8: Self-Acceptance

I also had to heal my mental and emotional impressions I had of myself. You can do this through talk therapy, journaling, or any other way you go within to learn more about yourself. I had to acknowledge the deeper shadow aspects of myself and get in touch with those. To do so, I spent time working my way through past hurts (usually self-inflicted wounds) that I'd buried deeply inside. I find Byron Katie's The Work to be very helpful in working through this. Journaling is also an excellent way to come to terms with your shadow self.

Step 9: Let Go

This may be the most difficult step, but it's also one of the most valuable. It is important to learn to let go. Let go of what?

-Let go of expectation of results. Expectation only serves to limit what the universe can deliver. Instead, be open to any and all results that come to you in support of your highest and greatest good.-Let go of relationships that no longer serve you. Sometimes we hang on to relationships that no longer support our highest good, just out of habit. It's okay to gently step away from those relationships and instead seek out those that are loving, joyful, and supportive.-Let go of your vision of yourself. Often the vision we have of ourselves only serves to limit us. Instead, allow a new you to emerge without trying to set limitations.-Let go of your preconceived limitations and notions. Often the way we think and believe about ourselves, our environment, others, and the world in general seeks to limit the universe. Be open to all possibilities, knowing that the universe will deliver situations, people, and experiences that serve our highest and greatest good if we allow it.-Just let go. Be open to the possibilities. Be open to miracles. Anything is possible when we stop trying to set limits on the universe.

Step 10: Seek Support

I've never been great at asking for help, but I realized that on this healing journey, I needed to surround myself with supportive and loving people. Therefore, I enlisted the help of a supportive network. I released or stepped back from relationships that weren't supportive and surrounded myself with a tribe of people who brought joy and love into my life. I also released other things in my life that no longer served me in order to allow myself to truly thrive.

A Note About Supplementation

I also did research and found supplements that worked for me (vitamin D being one of the main supplements). Since I am not a doctor, I am uncomfortable recommending any supplements here, but do the research and see if you can find some that help you - or talk with a naturopath.

So those are the steps I took on my healing journey. Yours may look a lot like mine, or it may be something else altogether. The important takeaway here is that healing is possible.