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Rumors of the death of Sony's PS4 controller thumbsticks are---hopefully---greatly exaggerated.

I know I've said we should abandon all this next-gen rumor-mongering, but I simply must comment on this latest bit of possible information on the redesigned PS4 "SplitShock" controller, even if it is all rumor and speculation stemming from questionable sources that are likely just trying to punk news outlets.

We've heard already that the controller will likely have touch support, either on the front or rear (or both) of the controller, leading to some of the buttons being moved around a bit. Apparently the controller will look and feel rather similar to the DualShock, but will have other changes as well.

Now VGRevolution is reporting that the PS4 controller may abandon thumbsticks altogether in favor of those rumored front-facing touch pads, if their source (apparently an ad PR agency) is accurate.

From the item sent to VGRevolution:

The first and most immediate change when a consumer looks at the SplitShock is the removal of the analogue sticks and the inclusion of touchpads in their place. The touchpads serve the same function as the analogue sticks.

When a consumer is not playing a game, the SplitShock touchpads function as a track pad with both halves making a larger area to swipe and select items. The touchpads are also fully programmable by developers. This gives them the freedom to use the touchpads as they see fit. For example, if the game doesn’t require analogue controls, the touchpads can be used as an alternate input device. This allows games ported from IOS or Android the ability to retain their original control scheme.

Meanwhile, it would render PS4 games almost as useless as the vast majority of touch-based mobile games out there.

This would be an abomination of the highest order. If Sony goes this route, they're making a huge, unforgivable mistake.

I don't care how well the touch pads work; the thing that makes even the Vita itself an attractive piece of hardware are the thumbsticks. You simply cannot achieve the same level of accuracy with touch that you can with a pair of thumbsticks. The shooter genre would die a grizzly death on PS4 if this is true; action-combat games like Demon's Souls would also be woefully hard to play.

The lack of dual thumbsticks is why I'm irritated to no end trying to play games with the Wii nunchuck set-up (or, rather, one reason the Wii controllers irritate me so much.)

A PlayStation controller with no thumbsticks? That's like a sandwich without bread, or beer without alcohol.

I hope---and suspect---this is a bad prank. If Sony is at all serious about catering to the so-called "hardcore" gaming crowd, they'd be courting disaster with such a bizarre design decision. I've reached out to Sony to see if they can comment, but I wouldn't expect anything solid at all until the 20th (if then.)

P.P.S. Some people have asked why I'm "reporting" on such an obviously fake "story." So to be absolutely clear: sometimes these prank stories are frightening reflections of real business decisions made by big companies in the gaming and tech world. For instance, motion controllers were taken very seriously for some time, even though there's no way any of them are anywhere as accurate or as fun to use as a traditional controller. Likewise, touch-screen gaming and various other trends are constantly taking the industry by storm. So is this a ludicrous and almost certainly fake story? Yes indeed. Is it worth pointing out why this would be a terrible idea? I think so. Truth can be stranger than fiction, after all. And sometimes it's just fun to post a little rant....