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Division I
The Leaflickers (BigC90210) 2 - 0 Goes Well With Port (Alini)

Rookie Wood Elf vs. rookie Skaven, you'd think the score would end up a 6:6, right? Well, it started with one my linerats dying on turn 1 and ended with around 4 rats on the pitch by turn 16...

Wood Elves were receiving and after spotting the gap where a foolishly positioned stormvermin left a clear path to a gutter runner, set up a form of cage on the line of scrimmage. On my first turn the rat ogre offered to wriggle into the cage. Both down? Oh alright, knocks him down, but also weakens the cage... Unfortunately it also knocked the rat ogre out and for the rest of the game. A couple of failed go for its for the rats and a couple of solid punches by the Welfs and soon the elves were just dancing about, passing the ball to and for, victimizing any rat that dared stand up (including the ball carrier hunting down a poor, innocent gutter runner for a blitz). They finally scored by running the ball to the end zone, passing it back into the field, then running back and handing it off in the end zone.

Alright, two turns left, not impossible to score for the rats. Positions everyone! Riot...

Then, only one of the gutter runners ran forward making him an instant and easy target (including for a foul later on). An impossible scrum on the left hand side forced a move of the ball and its few remaining guardians to the centre and its inevitable loss to the savagery of a leaping wardancer. After an unlikely one dice block and a massively desperate attempt to pick up the ball in three tackle zone went badly it was all over... Well, save for several more turns left for hitting rats.

Played my game against Heliocentric. He won 2-0 and this image sums up how it went for my team. He managed to get roughly 18 SPP from the game while I got 1SPP for a completed pass and the MVP went to the star player.

After two games against other elves I've been beaten up both times. I'm just glad I haven't faced a bashy side yet. Oh wait, Norse are next. Better get that Apothecary ASAP! It's been a rough start for my new team. I just hope they survive the season.

Played my game against Heliocentric. He won 2-0 and this image sums up how it went for my team. He managed to get roughly 18 SPP from the game while I got 1SPP for a completed pass and the MVP went to the star player.

After two games against other elves I've been beaten up both times. I'm just glad I haven't faced a bashy side yet. Oh wait, Norse are next. Better get that Apothecary ASAP! It's been a rough start for my new team. I just hope they survive the season.

I also have to hand it to Helio that he played a very good match and made the most of some early knockouts to really steamroller my team. He deserves the promotion that looks likely to be coming his way.

So, this happened.The Brain's The Point Eared Pricks (Delf) Vs Heliocentric's Tzeenchian Spirit(ProElf)
Fresh off the back of a 3-0 Victory the Tzeenchian Spirits were at peak condition, all 4 catchers, both guards match fit and only 1 loner. The dark elves would have an epic team value difference (490) and Heart ripper had been seen entering negotiations with match organisers.
This was a replay after a warp storm devoured almost the entire village the match was being played in (disconnect) up to that point the Spirits were winning practically bloodlessly, clearly Tzeentch look issue with that and issued a do over. The do over brought spikes. I received the ball just as before and begun suppressing heartrippers stabby potential, secured the ball and started KOing Dark Elves, it wasn't surgical, but it dint really need to be. The block dice were favourable and the armour dice were low, the odd triple dice block was employed for safety, loners were marked and a cage set around my ball carrying catcher. Yes the wizard was a threat, but I was half baiting him to use it early with such a loaded cage. A 2 man foul on heart ripper did nothing and went unnoticed by the ref. A scuffle on the wing and a blitz saw my ball carrying catcher take a tumble, but the ball's resting place was well flanked and unavailable for the dark elves.

The wing players created an opportunity for some chain-block surfs and the spirits graciously accepted bringing the number of sleeping Dark Elves to 4 by the end of turn 3, including heart ripper. My sidestep blodging catcher secured the ball and arrogantly moved to the line of the melee, he received 3 blocks in the opponents half, all pushes of dodged stumbles and he sidestepped his way closer to scoring with each one.

After taking my "D with block dodges I realised lots of Delves were lying down and I would need to pass a 2+ (with dodge skill) dodge roll to score, which would wake up most of the bastards as they had blood wiser babes. I decided for a violent stall. I closed around the DElves and started hitting, a safe 4+ dodge was attempted by a would be marker of my ball carrier he rolled a 5, but my diving tackle blitzer wrote "try harder" on the report card and sent him tumbling.

Turn 5 I dealt my first injury, just a BH, but its always good practise to warm up gently. Turn 6 saw my line up a 3 die block on the only unmarked player and blitz him with the ball carrier, this was a risk, I could have scored, but the hope of further crippling my opponent rang loud in my ears. Turn 7 saw turn over on another 3 Die block... But, it needn't be a problem... Right? Turn 8 started with 7 DElfs off the pitch in some kind of resting posture, and it ended with the a turn over... GODDAMN IT! The ball had just been knocked loose by a desperate 1 die blitz, I secured the area and failed to pick up the ball on turn 8... I deserved that, but all in all, it was worth it.

Turn 9 was my kick, and heart ripper woke up (as did everyone knocked out thanks to babes.) so I played a wide LOS with the least valuable bastards I could spare, (which included my level 2 thrower). Heart ripper attempted his first and last stab attempt on this thrower, and failed. A friendly Delf Blitzer made my thrower take a nap in the KO box and the Pricks earned their 1 SPP of the match with a quick pass. A wide thin and L shaped brawl broke out around the Delf ball carrier and stuns were liberally distributed, and heart ripper decided to sit out the rest of the match in the injury box after being introduced to a Pro Elf spiked gauntlet.

A sloppy set of pushes by me only allowed me a 1 die block on the DElf ball carrier, I took it and the ball spilled into the waiting hands of my nearby kicker. The brain attempted a similar 1 die block and was rewarded with double skulls. My kicker walk the ball upfield and the rest of my team focused on violence, involving 2 crowd surfs and lots of stuns

Turn 13 saw me finally score, and with the delves down 8 eight men I piled a 5 man lineup of my bravest and boldest to receive the dalf elf drive... The wizard was still chewing a blood sausage hot dog when he muttered an incantation but he was no amateur and the fireball fell down right in the middle of my line. 2 players injured but no-one else (out of 5)fell, only 1 with a meaningful wound (-av) the team apothecary poured a bucket of "holy water" on the injured guard-lineman and declared him cured, while he wont be in my next match he is apparently going to make a full recovery.

Then the dark elves starved of rerrolls at this point failed 2 consecutive pickups from my midfield kick as a brawl consumed the LOS, and on turn 15 my +MV catcher found himself without a marker and ran to the ball,picked it up, dodged free and clenched his teeth for the impending blitz. The Brain rolled "Push push" and he was safe, the dark elves formed a 3 man cage on him, they refused to conceed a second touchdown.Lets take a moment to admire the injury box.

I consolidated the players I could around the cage as best I could and the catcher blitzed himself free for a classy turn 16 touchdown, oh... "Push push"? a 3+ dodge passed, and then the 2+ all without a reroll. YES IT WAS TO BE.

The Brain's The Point Eared Pricks (Delf)0-2Heliocentric's Tzeenchian Spirit

Despite picking up 18 SPP (a loner I couldn't afford got MVP, and heartripper got The Brains MVP) I only got 1 skill up a roll of 10 on my thrower, while I know that technically I should take strong arm, he earned that SPP with violence, so guard remains tempting. I know its wrong, I'll sleep on it.

Division K:We're All In It Together (Vamp, me), vs. Official Godzilla Fanclub (Liz, Eard)

So, Vampires eh?

"You, go stand over there"
"I've got a better idea, I'll stand miles out of the way over there instead, then knock out a team mate!"

"You, make 4 dodges through tackle zones then hypnotise that skink while marking a saurus, while you make 3 dodges through tackle zones and blitz down the ball carrier"
"No problem boss"

Eard played a tight game with the rookie lizards, nursing his two re-rolls carefully. I played a bit of a mad game with the vampires, blowing all five re-rolls within the first six turns of each half and still contriving to end most of them in turnovers. Blood Lust was a particular problem (Cuddly Cameron failed 7 out of 15 rolls, though Cutsy Pie Clegg didn't fail any all match - guess he's lost his appetite), but the main issue was me not really having much of a clue what to do with this madly backward team.

My first drive collapsed within two turns when a potential saurus crowd surf lead to a turnover, exposing the carrier to a blitz. The rest of the half was an insane mix of blindingly simple stuff failed in very complex ways, and outrageously ambitious moves pulled off without a problem. Eard guarded the ball well throughout though, and ran it in on the last turn. Mercifully only one thrall was injured, though a couple didn't recover from their knock outs.

The second half started with Eard trying to pick up the ball with a Saurus deep in his own backfield, but a quick turnover on his second turn allowed the vampires to pounce. Several turns scuffling ensued, but a steady stream of thralls being knocked out, plus Cutsey Pie Clegg failing blood lust, failing a dodge and leaving the field, gave Eard the numbers he needed to cage up and run the ball through. Despite the sterling efforts of Prole I, badly hurting the carrying skink, then injuring the saurus that blitzed him but could only roll two both downs, there was nothing the remaining vamps could do to stop the lizards scoring again at the end of the half - 2-0 to the Official Godzilla Fanclub.

I have very little idea what to do with the vampires and Eard handled the lizards well, but it was certainly fun (in a Dwarf Fortress kind of way). Surprisingly I won the injury battle, one badly hurt thrall vs. a badly hurt skink and saurus, plus a randomly smashed ankle Cuddly Cameron inflicted on a saurus on the penultimate turn. Clearly a lot more practice is needed, though the potential is there. Going to need more re-rolls though.

Things started going badly for me when I realized I didn't save after nuking my TV bloat and went in at 440 TV higher.

Everblue chose Morg n Thorg.

Things started to go worse for me when Everblue started KO'ing, stunning, and BH'ing dwarves. Some of those were Morg, sure, but at least two were from poncy elf shoves.

I was beginning to give up on the game as I pushed my cage forward, but couldn't get anything going. I saw a nice break and handed the ball off to a centaur who dashed up the sidelines. Unfortunately, he couldn't get the TD in one go, so he had to sit and wait.

I moved some help up, but it was for naught as everblue caught up and knocked him down, scooped the ball with his thrower, ran up two spots and ... snakeyes.

It was the first bit of real luck for me (I was still depressed over the shalacking I took earlier), and the start of the downturn for everblues dice.

I manage to scoop up the ball and with some lucky rolls get a TD a turn later.

I set up with a flat line to keep the sneaky elves at bay. Everblue is happy to whore SP with a series of passes until turn 7 when he busts out and smushes part of my line with Morg. The elves swarm in that direction and there is little I can do but get my guys sorta in the way.

The touchdown is inevitable now, as one of his elves moves into position with another set of snakeyes on a dodge.

Half over.

Second half did not go much better for Everblue. He fumbled the ball at the start, allowing me to get both centaurs and a helper surrounding the ball. I eventually moved it towards the goal line and in.

Final highlight for Everblue was Triple skulling Morg and failing the loner roll.

2-0 Chaos Dwarves.

The win did not come damage free, however. 1 blocker was -1MV and my sure hands hobgob died a horrible and predictable death.

As others have mentioned, week one ended last night! Get going with your week 2 games! If you haven't played yet, I'll be defaulting them on Sunday, unless i hear pleas otherwise.... remember the defaults will be based on what I see in the group chats, so make sure some record of your organising attempts is in there!

Me and Axler played our Div F game yesterday, ended in a 1-1 draw due to gutter running.

Damn Gutter Runners! I would have got away with it too if it wasn't for you pesky Gutter Runners! :D

Well that and if My Bloodweiser Babes had managed to wake my star Werewolf up at some point during the match, he must be teetotal I guess. I don't know these modern athletes. Back in my day George Best would run through a wall if you said there was a half of shandy in it for him.

I think the biggest thing with vampires is reroll management. Don't move vampires for the sake of it to avoid unncessary bloodlust rolls. Always have a plan A, B and C and be prepared for all plans to go tits up. Try to avoid rerolling bloodlust if at all possible especially in the early days of the team when you need your rerolls for failed dodges/blocks. If a thrall gets bitten, gather round and have a meal. I wouldnt buy more rerolls either - as your vamps pick up block/dodge you'll find you're using rerolls less and less and you should be looking to trim a couple off the roster. First double on a thrall picks up leader to save you some TV too.

Highlight of the game: Rats setting up a +MA sprint gutter for a one-turner, only to be hit by a rock and injured. Apologies to 20phoenix, can't have been much fun.

Wow.

2 rats injured and one KO'd first turn then it snowballed from there. I had chances - wizard took down an exposed carrier but the reroll was burnt picking up the ball so couldn't risk the 5+ pass to get the ball safer. Nurgle retrieve the ball but a stormvermin dodges, double GFI's and 1d's the carrier down putting the ball out of bounds and throws it just inside the nurgle half near the big hand gutter who scoops it up and scoots clear. However he failed the one GFI needed to be out of blitzing range and promptly dies (apo'd to badly hurt). One turner gets injured by rock. Ball goes out of bounds from kick off and a pitch invasion allows big hand gutter to get clear and pull one back. Blitz on the kickoff but too far back to retrieve. Ball carrier gets double marked a couple of turns later by ogre and SS gutter. Janek attempts to chain push free but rolls both down which injures ogre off. Carrier doesn't get free of SS gutter and next turn is 2d uphill blitzed which after reroll floors the pest however the scatter ruins any chance of getting the gutters big hand onto the ball and once the ball is secured and there is only two rats left on the pitch I just pass out my remaining turns.

Some facts and figures:

D6 - fairly even -6.9 for me -4.14 for Janek although 1 is my most common roll by 4
2D6 - -16.67 for me 22.00 for Janek. No surprise here considering my injury box. I broke armour twice in the game
Block dice - 59% for me 75% for Janek

The main man,
of which all are a fan
Grayland.
Not Eomund, his brother,
the one like no otherBGThat is he
Forty Seven times he took the field
Nine times he did yield
To injury
Twelve times he was brought low
by a KO
He was tripped twenty times
but did not mind
Ever ready, he stayed steady and kept on going.

Raw facts,
lets get down to brass tack.
He could Sprint down the track
Agilty of Four
Sure Feet to go for more,
than his raw Move of Nine
but he was more than just a fine moving machine.
Block
because with the the best he could he could sock
it out.

One hundred and seventy four yards short of one thousand
yard rushed but thirty times ball in hand
over the try line for touch downs
Unselfish as a hound
He passed the ball too
Twice.
Nice.
PAssed for Thirty Four.
Never on the floor

BG
Bertolf.
Grayland.
Two Hundered Tee Vee
You see
It is he,
who has died.
But undying.
Ref Deesno AKA Cacamas AKA The slayer (and raiser) of Giants amongst men.

I have a new skeleton on my team; his name is Bertolf Grayland and he used to be quite fast. Yes, the ridiculous human 1 TTD machine is dead, buried and resurrected.

Oh, and my undead team lost despite my best efforts. The TV gap was just too large, in combination with the fact that the human ogre was a wrecking machine, MNGing one mummy and KO'ing the other. Without my str5 guys, the highly skilled humans were too much for my relative rookies.

I have a new skeleton on my team; his name is Bertolf Grayland and he used to be quite fast. Yes, the ridiculous human 1 TTD machine is dead, buried and resurrected.

Oh, and my undead team lost despite my best efforts. The TV gap was just too large, in combination with the fact that the human ogre was a wrecking machine, MNGing one mummy and KO'ing the other. Without my str5 guys, the highly skilled humans were too much for my relative rookies.

In the only way this could be said from a member of the internet generation: