Friday, December 14, 2012

BSNYC Friday I Can't Even Pretend To Care Anymore.

Hey.

You know how I used to kinda care enuf to spell rite and use OK grammer and put those dot things at the end of sentences and also use commas? Well sorry, those days'r over cuz I dont give a fuck anymore about anything. I'm ofically becoming a nihilist--and an illitarate one at that! Here's why:

I saw this on Twitter and I was like, "What the fuck?!? So I went to school and I watch my credit and I pay my taxes and do all the other crap you're supposed to do and all this shit is a simulation? What a fucking ripoff!" I don't know about you, but I was operating under the assumption that there was a point to all of this, and that if I did my best over many lifetimes I'd eventually get upcycled into an enlightened Buddha-like being with a shitload of money and an awesome house and a sports car where the doors open up instead of sideways.

Apparently not.

Not only that, but you know who's looking into this theory now? Some people at Cornell University, which is like the MicroSHIFT of Ivy League schools:

In 2003, University of Oxford philosophy professor Nick Bostrom published a paper, "The Simulation Argument," which argued that, "we are almost certainly living in a computer simulation." Now, a team at Cornell University says it has come up with a viable method for testing whether we're all just a series of numbers in some ancient civilization's computer game.Researchers at the University of Washington agree with the testing method, saying it can be done. A similar proposal was put forth by German physicists in November.

Glad the University of Washington concurs, and I'm sure it couldn't have anything to do with the easy access to legal marijuana they have out there. No doubt this brain trust of slackers and stoners will quickly get to the bottom of this universal conundrum.

And if you're wondering how they're going to do it, here's your answer:

"Using the historical development of lattice gauge theory technology as a guide, we assume that our universe is an early numerical simulation with unimproved Wilson fermion discretization and investigate potentially-observable consequences."

Yeah, no duh.

Then, once they confirm this is all a great big computer model, they're going to try to talk to the people who made it:

Interestingly, one of Savage's students takes the hypothesis further: If we stumble upon the nature of our existence, would we then look for ways to communicate with the civilization who created us?

I'm pretty sure that line of communication exists already, and it's called "LSD." A huge stoner like Savage should know this. Also, what's this nonsense about "communicating" with them? This is America! Let's find out who these bastards are and NUKE THEM for fuck's sake!

So how do you feel knowing that you're probably just a useless part of a fake universe created by some kid who was dicking around on a free computer in an intergalactic Apple store while waiting for some free porn to download? (Actually, maybe we are the porn.) And how do you feel knowing that that kid's universe is probably also a simulation, and that existence is merely an infinite circle-jerk of simulations within simulations within simulations within simulations and so forth? Are you just going to shrug it off and keep "foffing off" to your Strava? Or are you going to find out which highly evolved consciousness is ultimately responsible for this and make them pay dearly for wasting your time?

I mean, whoever's behind this must be pretty loaded. Maybe we can sue.

Which I mean, come on. What's the point of a stupider cat you have to take for walks?

But did you also know this?

"Yorkshire is a region of outstanding beauty, with breathtaking landscapes whose terrains offer both sprinters and attackers the opportunity to express themselves. We have encountered a phenomenal desire from the Yorkshire team to welcome the Tour de France and have no doubt that passion and support will be particularly evident for the Grand Départ of the Tour de France 2014.”

Yes, I love when sprinters express themselves:

(Sprinter Mark Cavendish expresses his nipple.)

As for the "outstanding beauty" claim, I conducted an image search using a popular search engine, and it's not too bad:

But who really cares, because it's all just a simulation anyway.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're not you'll see a short documentary about bicycles.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and give up on life like I have and spend the weekend drinking and crying.

Thor is still real, doing circuits of Valhalla with his Best Made hammer stuck in his shirt where mere mortals keep their keys. Physicists just can't find a place for him in their "universe". Or their top 50?

Well if any of you pretend to care about the Dead Babys I am the original founder. Me. When I started the club it had nothing to do with bicycles except that they were how we got around when we weren´t walking. So back in the 90s in Seattle me and some friends were looking for a safe and relaxed place to hang out and jerk off. Like I mean in the real way of tugging on your knublet. So we started meeting in my step-dads garage for cars after he closed at night, just me, Piggy, the kid and ole Jack Merridew. So the club was about busting a load and chilling and grabbing a rack of Hamms, listening to some Tad and enjoying eachothers company in a sincere and honest way. Our philosophy was to spill as much seed as we could on the ground so like to reduce the population of the world and that is why we called it Dead Babys. Maybe we got some jizz on our bikes once in a while but we were never riding around all up in the air and shit. I think these dudes today saw our name and stole it and now people think the club is about something that it never was about. It was never about these whack looking bikes, it was about some young dudes communicating with eachother and being cool with our bodies and stuff and not having kids. Whatever.

Snob, the universe is a simulation. It emits various impersonal phenomena which we sense and then interpret personally, much to our individual and collective detriment. But the personal interpretations don't have any relationship to the preceding impersonal phenomena except in our heads. Its all open to interpretation, no matter what the sky-god believers or even the scientists say. You're coy sometimes but its obvious you know that.

And there can be no beginning cause. If there's a beginning cause you can legitimately ask what the cause of the beginning cause is, and so on recursively until you need a potty break or want to look at some porn.

After reading this blog for several years, I feel I know and care less about anything to do with them.

I am, however, much more culturally attuned to the male anatomy, nooks and crannies of cycling culture, the nature of existence, time traveling, nekkid recumbent riders, and an (evidently) extremely sexually active readership who comment aggressively. My acronym knowledge must have at least doubled. I can name at least one professional Italian cyclist who has an obsession with eating pussy, and one who is dating a former page 6 girl.

This simulation has been awesome so far, I can't wait for the next OS update!

Trebeck, as someone who took the red pill, thanks for the Coles/Clif notes version of the last 5 years. Everyone else here's taken the blue pill, so filth it up a bit if you want to get your point across

Edna Boil cannot be mathematically simulated; this is prima facie, a priori evidence that we are not living in a Sim City and that life "matters". I leave it up to youse guys to say whether this is good or bad.

Xlnt quiz question wrong answer video! No really; The mysterious circumstances, a walk down memory lane with those old bikes in remarkable condition, (wingnuts!). Best of all, the thoughtfull narrators funny accent, (you guys really talk like that back there?), and many assumptions and confessions. So much to like. Gonna go watch it some more

Hi admin i do not know how we give any comments on the blogs but we have read your post and i am wordless about your blogs that is a good kind of blogging its really awesome work...my website: http://spammyspamspamblahblahblahspam.org

Grew up in New Milford, lived in Danbury, briefly Newtown and then of all places, Shelton during the 90s before moving down to the big Dirty.

One of my favorite rides was a '6 town' loop that would take me past the crazy Newtown flag pole in the middle of the road and down Church ave. and left toward the river right next to where that school is.

Mr. Bike Snob, I can't remember the title of the episode, but check out Star Trek; Next Gen episode with Dr. Moriarty. Maybe that is where they got the idea for the universe being a simulation. Trust me, if you watch it, it will explain a lot. Think about it, those same PhDs who are testing the simulation theory are the ones dressing up like Spock or Klingons (no not the failure to wipe ones) and paying to go to Star Trek conventions. "Live long and prosper!"

I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here regularly.I am quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here!Good luck for the next!my website :: borkum riff original

Mr. Fingers, you may be too young to remember it, but my first apocalypse was the cold war. People were fearful of the idea that Soviet ICBMS would come raining down on us at any moment and life would end as we knew it. Y2K came along and people were fearful because everyone knew the computers would fail and life as we knew it would end. Now we have a fiscal cliff that we are all going to fall over and civilization as we know it will come to an end. One of the things that clears my head and soothes my soul is a bike ride. Always. I’ve ridden through the ICBMs, Y2K, and now I will ride past the fiscal cliff. Please ride on.

...so, flammer...when you get tired of that job stuffing 10 pounds of shit into 5 pounds bags down at the factory, you could always come to america & express your righteuos indignation of what you see by volunteering to disarm the automatic weapons crowd...

...you know, the "...i'll give up my full auto heckler & koch hk416 when you pry it out of my cold dead hands !!!" bunch...

...they're pretty emphatic about their constitutional "right to bear arms" dealy, so you will be busy...even IF you change the constitution...

Greetings from Florida! I'm bored to tears at work so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the info you present here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, fantastic blog!Also visit my web page :: african mango boost

Damn,FLAMMER. Where you from, boy? Ain't no huntin' with a full auto here in Canada's grab bag o' bullets! Full auto is for personal protection. 'Cuz if the man comes for ya cuz he don't like yer politiks, he ain't comin' with the PTA. You sound like somebody that likes the man. You from Chicago?

FLAMMER Go fuck yourself, you fucking idiot. You are a fucking liar. NO automatic weapons are allowed for hunting. Semi-auto is not "fill the air with lead so the animal can't escape." Good grief, you are fucking retarded! Where is that legal? Where has that ever happened legally? Hell,illegally? Your totally uninformed post about guns not being able to stop tyranny is unbelievably stupid! We're stopping it right now, fucktard!Why do you think the gov doesn't want concealed carry? Go back to the basement,asshole.

Yo flammer. here's a simulation for you. You're on your knees. A 'murican has his cock out. and a gun to your head. What do you do? You know what. Because you already know how. And you're not gay. Just a coward. No guts. No integrity. Swallow it all, bitch. And then he shoots you anyway.

Heya i'm for the first time here. I found this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to offer something back and aid others like you aided me.Also visit my homepage - spyware terminator

I rode a road bikecycle Saturday. I rode a mountanious bikecycle today. I watched a gay-ass movie about messenger culture and how they will band together like so many Visigoths when their back is against the proverbial wall.

I feel that is one of the such a lot vital info for me.And i am happy studying your article. However want to commentary on few general things, The site taste is great, the articles is really nice : D. Excellent job, cheersCheck out my pagetreating acne

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!