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Preliminaries 5January 28

A wresting
history teacher, a Jiu Jitsu chiropractor, a former fly girl, and a
46-year-old former marine and AG contender walk into the Arena. The
punch line will be them if they don’t make the final 8.

Mark Baker5’11” 185 lbs
Chiropractor

Alex Rai
5’8” 150 lbs
History Teacher

ON THE CUT
Molivann Duy
18 pts, 2’13.0 (-1)

Toni Oppliger5’5” 121 lbs
H.S. Athletic Director

Kim Marciniak
5’3” 116 lbs
Fmr. Knicks Dancer

ON THE CUTVenus Ramos
12 pts, 3’37.6

Our
opening round features the evergreen event of Powerball. The women lead
off going against the team of Stealth, Siren, and Venom. It stays
scoreless until Kim gets one in with 22 seconds left. She adds another
to give her a 4-0 lead.

The men
also have to handle Powerball and the trio of Titan, Mayhem, and Toa.
Mark tries to avoid conflict and actually gets his four off the jumper.
However, Alex gets 6 and starts with a 2-point lead. (C-Note: And for
the first time, we go one Powerball round without someone getting
thumped out of the competition)

We
continue on with Women’s Joust. Toni starts and goes against Siren.
The Glad’s exuberance may have gotten the better of her in the first
match as she falls to give Toni 10 points. Against Kim, Siren seems to
be okay, but then she drops to two knees. That’s apparently a no-no and
so Kim also gets 10, making it 14-10 at the half in her favor.

Off we go
to the men and Earthquake, which is Milita’s house. Alex gives the Glad
a tough match, but Militia is able to shake him off for 0 points. Mark,
on the other hand, bum rushes Militia and is able to take him down in 6
seconds for 10 points and a 14-6 lead after 2.

Round 3 is
Hang Tough. The women start and will go against Fury. Toni has some
issues, but is able to pretty much avoid conflict for 5 points. Kim,
not so much. She gets dunked, giving Toni a slim 15-14 advantage.

The men
follow up and have to deal with Wolf. He and Alex clash, but the
contender is able to dodge and score 10 points in 20 seconds. Mark is
not so lucky. A bit of smack later, he’s all wet, and Alex is back on
top 16-14.

The women
wrap up their side with Assault. Hellga mains the supercannon but is
able to do nothing but witness history, as both female contenders fire
off the crossbow, making the event a 4-4 tie, and allowing Toni to keep
a 19-18 lead.

Round 4
for the men is Hit and Run. Swinging those 100-pound demo balls are
Justice, Titan, Mayhem, and Wolf. Alex starts and gets 4 points before
the Glads can reset from their first salvo. Titan’s directing does
nothing as the teacher makes history with FOURTEEN POINTS. Mark
is nowhere near Alex’s speed, but manages to get 8 and only trails
30-22.

It’s
crunch time as we head to the Eliminator. We start with the women and
Toni’s lead being only ½ second means anything can happen. In fact,
anything did happen: Kim can’t clear the first wall, leaving Toni to
cruise into victory. Unfortunately, a stumble on the top of the
Travelator costs her a spot in the semis, but she does clock in at
3’44.6. As for the men, Alex and Mark have been lighting up the scores,
but Alex’s 4-second head start is enough to assure a wire-to-wire
victory. What makes victory that much better is that he won in a flat
98 seconds, kicking Moli out and putting the teacher in.

And there
we have it. Our four men and four women have been chosen. Tune in next
week as the semi-finals begin on Monday Night Gladiators.