October 23, 2009

The heart attack on a plate

Editor Amanda and I were discussing Top 10 lists yesterday and the balance between ones that generate a lot of interest but have been overdone (crab cakes) and ones that have limited appeal (best places to get foie gras).

So she suggested "the heart attack on a plate."

This seems to me to fall into a third category. I'm just not sure what that category is. It has elements of horror -- the heart attack part -- but at the same time, there's a fascination. You just feel that whatever the food is, it might taste really good. ...

To make it interesting, I think these should be dishes you can get in restaurants.

Editor Amanda suggested the obvious one: the beer-battered burger stuffed with cheddar and deep fried at Mother's Federal Hill Grille, which is actually called the Heart Attack on a Plate.

OK, I actually don't think that would taste good, but it might be a matter of my brain getting in the way of my tastebuds. Other people love it.

I would go with the 48-ounce porterhouse at Shula's. It seems, I don't know, more refined somehow.

I don't think we'll be able to come up with eight more quite so ostentatious examples. But there must be other incredibly rich entrees, side dishes (the ultimate mac and cheese, perhaps?) and desserts worthy of inclusion.

(Photo by Mike Buscher/ Special to the Baltimore Sun. When I put in the key words "heart attack on a plate" to find this photo in our archives, it also brought up a photo of a Major League baseball umpire who died.)

The Dizz's Fat Ass Crab Skins: Baked potatoes hollowed out filled with cheese, bacon, crab and served with a side of sour cream.. i love them and can't finish more then two ( six on plate, i think last time i was there)

Not sure why beef automatically gets the bad rap of being cardio-unhealthy...

I would imagine that a huge honking platter of spaghetti carbona or fettucini alfredo would more easily qualify, but since we've collectively drop-kicked Italian restaurants as a genre, maybe it's some other local or ethnic dish like cream of crab soup of Egg Foo Yung.

Chick & Ruth's in Annapolis has something they refer to as "The Colossal Challenge." From what I remember, it consists of either a 6 lb. milkshake or a 3 lb. burger or sandwich. I think you get either a free t-shirt or a cardiology referral if you win

I know that this isn't local, but I can't pass up the opportunity to mention it. While on vacation with my wife in Atlanta recently, we stopped into a local place called Vortex. They had a burger on there called the Coronary Bypass (I think) that was two big patties, cheese, four slices of bacon, two eggs, and the bun was actually two grilled cheese sandwiches. Unbelievable. I was very tempted to order just to see what a monstrosity it was.

There is a Burger that Japanese Burger King's are selling right now that has 7 Whopper patties on it. It is called the Windows 7 Burger. It comes in at 2100 calories and it doesn't even have cheese on it (who would want it).

PS- Have you heard of the new Windows 7 Whopper Burger at Burger King? In tandem with the Windows 7 launch, the Burger King in Japan is advertising a 7 patty whopper. Here's a video of some Americans taking on the challenge.

Someone I work with had heard of a Cheddar Bacon burger on 2 halves of a crispy creme doughnut, grilled. Naturally, we had to try it, and it was delicious. There are some Man v Food incidents that come to mind, like the stuffed habanero and salsa appetizer.

The late Gordon's crab house used to have a French Fried Crab Cake - crab cake in between two slices of white bread which are sealed together with Cheez Whiz. The whole thing is dipped in batter and deep fried. Mmm, mmm, good.

When we go to Bill Bateman's Bistro, my husband's favorite order is a plate of wings and the Shakin' Bacon Fries - a plate of fries, smothered in melted cheese and bacon and served with ranch dressing. I hate to tell him no, but I can feel his arteries hardening every time he insists on ordering it. Neither of these could possibly be good for you.

Bill Batemans did indeed have a 22 oz. burger on their menu, at least at their original location in Cub Hill. It was called the Steer-Buster. I can remember about 18 years ago, a roomate of mine ordered it. It took him about an hour and a half, but he did finish it, and they comped his check. I don't remember him eating anything else for about 10 days after that!

Thanks Bill, I thought Bateman's once had a huge burger. The guy I knew did work at the Cub Hill location. Can't remember exactly, but he could have been one of the cooks. I just remember seeing it, about the size of a softball on a big bun.

PCB Rob, I recall that Bill Bateman's Cub Hill location (wasn't that the original place, by the way?) had a Garbage Burger, but I can't recall if it was just a burger with dozens of toppings on it, or a larger than usual burger (probably with dozens of toppings on it, to boot).

Bateman's in Towson did have a huge (1-1/2 pounds?) burger. Several years ago our choir went there as an "end of the year" celebration, and one of the men ordered it, ate about half, and took the other half home to his wife. I think he swore off beef after that ... at least he doesn't eat beef any more.

Della Rose's on the Avenue at White Marsh has "loaded French fries" on the menu. It's a platter of fries smothered in cheese and bacon bits, then slathered in a garlicky Ranch dressing. Inordinately good!

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember personal info?

Comments: (you may use HTML tags for style)

Verification (needed to reduce spam):

About this blog

Richard Gorelick was appointed The Baltimore Sun's restaurant critic in September 2010. Before joining the paper staff fulltime, he contributed freelance criticism and features articles about food to area and regional publications. Along the way, he dispatched for short-distance trucking companies, shilled for cultural non-profits, and assisted in cognitive neurology research – never the subject, always the control.

He takes restaurants seriously but not himself, and his favorite restaurant is the one you love, too.