This weekend, I attended a three-day training with MY coach and mastermind group in Louisville.

I went in with NOT the greatest of expectations.

NOT because my coach isn’t the PERFECT coach for me, (because she is) but last time we were together in November on a business retreat in Cabo, I was SUPER TRIGGERED.

My business had just started to take off on a whole ‘nother level, (thanks to her guidance), and I started to question if it was all just a fluke.

My old starving artist belief of living a “feast or famine” lifestyle resurfaced.

I had just left my assistant job that was not only a safe financial support, but it was emotional leaving such a wonderful and loving boss.

I also had just ended things with a Peter Pan I really knew how to pick, so when I got to Cabo,

I WAS OVER MY FEAR ABOUT MY BUSINESS, AND MY RESISTANCE TO LETTING MY HEART HURT IN MY DATING LIFE.

This of course cued MAJOR SHAME, as this is what I coach my clients on, on the reg!

So I did what I’m proud to say I always do— when I returned to LA, I took a good hard look at my thoughts, let Stacey coach the you know what out of me, and got clear about what I wanted to create.

This is what I do with my clients.

I coach. They do the work. They evaluate the results. Do more thought work, and then implement more action. And look at their results.

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

I then embarked on 2019 with all the excitement and CLAIRE-ITY I think I ever had in my life.

I saw in 2018 that I really cancreate ANYTHING with my mind, and how changing my circumstance (ie leaving a job or Mr. Wrong) requires me to UP-LEVEL the management of my mind.

The guy didn’t do anything to me.

Leaving the job didn’t causeany financial burden.

It was my THOUGHTS that made me feel pain and fear around both those circumstances.

So naturally, my desire to implement the action of discussing a three-year plan for my business with Stacey back in November, was PRACTICALLY NON-EXISTENT.

And how can you create what you want from a place of fear and sadness?!?!

Ya can’t, loves. Ya just CAN’T.

So, I knew I was arriving in Kentucky this past weekend as a different woman from even three months ago!

She was more CLAIRE about her business on the plane ride there, and is having the MOST FUN in her dating life that she’s had in a while, and FULLY BELIEVES WHAT SHE WANTS TO CREATE IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

And so it’s NO surprise that the right kinds of guys and NEW CLIENTS are now showing up!

They’re literally FINDING me on Instagram and Google! (the clients. Not the guys--that would just be creepy, you guys;)

So when I addressed how I’m now starting a PODCAST that focuses on heartbreak and looked at how the name Claire Your Mind doesn’t really explain what I do, it was clear to Stacey that we’re getting rid of my business’ name and it’s time to retire the blog.

GAHHHHH!!

Not gonna lie—I def felt a dagger to my heart.

Claire Your Mind is my BABY!!

But you know what’s SO AWESOME about hiring a coach?

I made a decision to do EVERYTHING she tells me to do.

Of course she’s always going to coach me to get to what is best for me, but there are certain things she just knows that are right for me, and I don’t need to indulge my mind drama anymore about things like,

WHAT IF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW CLAIRE YOUR MIND’S LAST NAME AND THEY LOOK FOR ME AND CAN’T FIND ME?!?!

That’s like me being worried that the guys I was supposed to go out with during the first two weeks of January were gonna find another woman they were more interested in, after I kept having to cancel because I was so sick.

Sure, the thoughts that create feelings of LACK and INSUFFICIENCY will naturally pop up, because that’s just what ALL of our brains do when we make big changes or things happen outside of our control,

But I LOVE that I’m not going to let it be some big dramatic decision because it just doesn’t HAVE to be.

The right clients are finding me at the right time.

And the right guy is going to wait for me to feel better OR find the right woman for him sooner, which would have been how it was always supposed to be!

Like, MY sickness could be the reason why two people ended up finding the love of their lives!!

HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!

I know it’s time for this change. I’m ready. And I HOPE you all are too, because my heartbreak podcast is gonna be GOLD.

I’m gonna bring on exes, clients, and one day when I have a beau, hopefully HE’LL be game to have a laugh and honest conversation on an episode with me.

Notice how I visualize the latter…

He’s not even here yet. And MAYBE the right guy for me won’t feel comfortable doing such a thing and that would TOTALLY be ok…

But I love how far my brain will go, picturing what this podcast WILL become.

We’ll get deep. And probs a little dark. And then have cathartic laughter the whole way through, and come up with REAL solutions to not only heal heartbreak, but TRANSFORM SO MANY HEARTBROKEN LIVES!!!

Thank you for all the love and support for Claire Your Mind over the last three years.

I hope you’ll stay tuned for the podcast coming in February, and continued updates on highs, lows, ahas and wins that will continue to unfold, so please stay on my mailing list!

Much Love from My Very Claired Heart,

Claire

(As in Claire of Claire Byrne Coaching…Nice to MEET YOU!)

PS Interested in getting uncomfortable so you can uplevel YOUR life?Message

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

Was it as un-smooth of a start to the New Year for YOU as it was for ME?

I was bed-ridden with strep throat for the FIRST 10 DAYS of 2019, which didn’t allow for much INSPIRED ACTION to take place with my goals.

Maybe you had a rough EMOTIONAL start to the new year or feel frustrated that you NEVER CARVED OUT THE TIME to get clear on what you’d love to create and achieve this year…

Well, I’m super honored to share an article that was published by The Every Girl yesterday, where I offer steps you can take RIGHT NOW to get clear on how to propel your life forward, without shaming yourself about TIMING.

“I NEED him to understand where I’m coming from, in order to feel better.”

For the first 10 days of 2019, I was sick as a DOG. (where did that expression come from anyway?!)

Things like having a clean place, getting to exercise, or going on a date, let alone having someone understand where I’m coming from, were completely off the table, for this pretty organized, type A, vulnerable, DOER, if you will.

But the universe had other plans, and I was for sure bummed, to say the least.

All the things I thought I “needed” to stay sane went out the window.

The only thing I could use to stay sane was my MIND.

Funny how that works, right?

Sure, it’s scientifically proven that we release endorphins when we exercise, or connecting with loved ones can ignite our souls, but sometimes those things we THINK we need aren’t available to us…

SO THEN WHAT?

Do you indulge a bunch of mind drama, fighting a reality based on a limiting belief that you need something outside of yourself to FEEL BETTER?

OR

Do you love on yourself EXTRA hard and have a tough love convo with the self-sabotaging thoughts that for sure, DON’T SERVE YOU?

THIS IS WHY YOU WANT A COACH.

I’ve been connected to my coach every day, whether it’s been direct coaching, reading/watching her posts, following her personal journey of never letting any obstacles derail her, listening to her podcast and watching her coach my peers like the baller she is.

I stay in the conversation with her about SELF-BELIEF and consistently HOLD MY VISION of what’s POSSIBLE, DESPITE THE INEVITABLE CURVEBALLS LIFE WILL THROW ME.

But damn those curveballs can really F with my mind.

Stacey shows me what’s possible by being an example of going from nothing to EVERYTHING with her mind.

And she holds the space for me to create so much more from where I am right now— when I could so easily use all the evidence of what is or what was to PROVE I’ll never become December 2019 Claire— to where I want to go.

But the truth is, I don’t NEED Stacey.

I’ve got a great strategy for the next 12 months and already have learned a TON from her, so it would be easy to save my money, and THINK, I can do this on my own.

I also have a bunch of friends who speak my coaching language, who I can bounce stuff off of…

But I know myself.

I know it’s January 13th, which might as well be Jan 3rd, as the first 10 days were kind of a wash, and eventually, I’LL LET my excitement, energy, and focus be derailed by external LIFE STUFF.

And no friend is going to hold me accountable the way Stacey has and WILL.

I don’t need her as my coach—

I WANT her as my coach.

I WANT someone to consistently hold the space to point out my blind-spots and not let my bullshit get in my way.

I WANT someone who’s already gotten to a place in her business and personal life in the most authentic, badass, unapologetic way, to be a guide for getting me to that place too.

I WANT someone who 100% believes in my potential and has promised me, she will not let me NOT achieve my 2019 goals.

How BORING would it be if I just coasted and ended up in the same place this time next year, which by the way— IS NOT TOO SHABBY!

I have a GREAT life right now. Friends who are my family. A DREAM city I call home. And a career that gives me all the giddy feels to wake up to every day.

I’m not under the delusion that eventually getting married, having kids, and expanding my business to a magnitude beyond what my mind can fully fathom right now is the answer to my happiness, but I KNOW FOR SURE, I want to keep growing and thriving during this very precious length of time I get to walk the earth.

If you are like me, and wouldn’t want that any other way either, but don’t know how the hell to manage your mind in order to get there, CALL ME.

Friendly reminder: Your thoughts create your reality.

YOUR THINKING HAS GOTTEN YOU TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

How will you learn to THINK differently without a coach to show you the ways your mind has NOT been serving you?

Time, money, kids, the weather, and your unsupportive partner will always be great excuses to keep putting off the life you were MEANT TO LIVE.

Choose NOW. Choose YOU.

Think of all the things you’ve REALLY wanted, and figured out a way to make it happen.

Whether it was that gorgeous bag that cost more money than a week’s paycheck, but you THOUGHT you were worth it, and it would make you, “FEEL GOOD.”

Or that exotic, fun, girls trip you weren’t going to miss out on because you THOUGHT…FOMO.

OR, you THOUGHT investing in freezing your eggs would offer you relief about having children later in life…

I’m a totally a fan of doing ALL of the above, but if you’ve done those things and STILL find yourself unsettled because you’re single, lonely, heartbroken, broke, stuck on your career path, or too bruised/bitter to date again, GETTING SAVVY AT MANAGING YOUR MIND around those things, should be your FIRST PRIORITY.

I’m not here to say this work is sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. But I am here and living proof to say that this work will transform your LIFE.

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

This is a common disbelief I hear clients and friends on the dating scene often say, and here’s my response:

Why do you THINK he has all the power?

Because you like him?

Because you texted him and you haven’t heard back?

Because you want more than he’s willing to give?

How does this make him powerful, and therefore, YOU, powerLESS?

What if you just like someone a lot, and let that be ok?

What if him not reciprocating what you want is a bummer, but also, TOTALLY OK?

And then I hear, “But Claire, how is it ok that someone who’s the object of my affection, doesn’t want me back?!”

YOU TOTALLY GET TO BE BUMMED.

And I 100% ENCOURAGE you to let yourself feel that disappointment.

But then we gotta get back to your BELIEF that your person is out there.

Because if you, in your heart of hearts BELIEVE that your person is out there searching for you, the way you’re searching for him, you wouldn’t be thinking twice about the guy who hasn’t responded to your text.

You’d be movin’ and shakin,’ focusing on other prospects, plans with friends, your self-care regimen, and so jazzed about your dream job, that you don’t have time to check your phone.

GIRL. I’m A WIP on this stuff, mySELF.

But what I know for sure, is being the woman WHO’S ALREADY IN THAT IDEAL RELATIONSHIP, is going to bring you that much closer to him.

What THOUGHTS does that woman think?

Here’s for sure a thought I know she’s NOT thinking…

Uch, it just felt like that guy I was dating before this dream guy I’m now with, TOOK ALL MY POWER AWAY.

BECOME THE WOMAN YOU’RE STRIVING TO BE RIGHT NOW.

Think the way she would think.

Feel what she would feel.

And behave the way you know she’d behave.

That’s when he’ll show up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

It’s hippy dippy woo-woo horseshite you think you “can’t” wrap your head around, even though the IDEA of it sounds great.

I hear from my clients all the time, I INTELLECTUALLY understand it, but I’m having trouble believing it ACTUALLY works.

But here’s my question: IS YOUR WAY WORKING?

Do you have the results you want right now?

Not necessarily with dating, but in ANY area you’re struggling in?

What are the excuses for why you aren’t where you want to be?

Not enough time to put into the task? Not enough money? Or is someone else to blame?

Like the all the man-children that infiltrate Los Angeles, or the douchey New York dudes who are always looking for the next best thing?

My coach just gave me homework to look at an area of my life where I’m NOT taking responsibility.

DAMN, that was a humbling task to say the least.

Without shaming myself, I found multiple places I was relinquishing responsibility.

It came up with a guy I recently dated, a client who was struggling with the guidance I was offering her, and a falling out with someone I deeply care about.

Looking at MY part in any situation allows for the growth, the healing, and ultimately, the TRANSFORMATION.

And when I take this challenge head on in EVERY area of my life, I feel the MOST POWERFUL.

You always have the power, my loves.

And when you think you don’t, just remember, you get to change that thought ANY time you want…

With your thoughts, of course.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.

xoxo

Claire

PS. Did your 2019 start out as ROCKY AS MINE? I’ve been sick for the first 7 days of it, which became a bit of a wrench in my plan to kick off the new year with all the big ideas I implemented to quickly become December 2019 Claire. Well, there’s NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT. If you’re interested in becoming your most empowered, transformed, self, MESSAGE ME for a FREE CONSULTATION.

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

December 2017 Claire didn’t know she was going to only be a few thousand shy of her “impossible business goal” that she set for December 2018.

She knew she WANTED to grow her business. She knew she WANTED to travel. She knew she WANTED to become a BADASS BOSS BABE serving women to help them STOP WANTING HIM BACK.

BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW.

Cue hiring a serious, amazeballs coach.

Yes. Life coaches need serious, amazeballs life coaches.

December 2017 Claire had a “fine” business. She practiced the tools on her self that she taught her clients, and participated in business and coaching programs that provided some value, but not enough to achieve baller, next-level, high-end coaching status.

Frustrated with her lack of significant growth by the time July 2018 rolled around, she knew it was time to START LEVELING UP.

You know how they say the perfect book pops off the shelf at the perfect time?

Well, the perfect coach was referred to me at the perfect time.

Stacey has given me genius marketing and sales tips that have been monumental in the growth of my business…

But none of my success would have happened WITHOUT her being A GUIDE TO MANAGE MY MIND and show me how the way I’D BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY BUSINESS, WASN’T WORKING.

MY ACTION STEPS WEREN’T GOING TO YIELD ME THE RESULTS I WANTED, (like blogging more or networking more) WITHOUT RESETTING MY MIND TO FULLY BELIEVING IT WAS POSSIBLE TO CREATE THE BUSINESS OF MY DREAMS.

But these aspects of growth are par for the course towards getting to be the person you wish to become.

Who is the December 2019 version of YOU?

What’s your relationship with your body?

Your finances?

Your partner?

With food?

Alcohol?

Your ex? (you don’t have to be in contact to heal the relationship)

And whether single or in partnership…YOUR SELF?

Overwhelmed by all the THINGS?

HA! So was 2017 Claire!

Her coach encouraged her to focus on ONE thing.

Choosing my business was EASY, and as a result, so many other areas of my life elevated ORGANICALLY.

Pick one area of your life you’d LOVE to thrive in. Go ALL in.

THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE ABANDONING YOUR OTHER DESIRES.

It just means that when you GO ALL IN on one area, you’re not only creating SIGNIFICANT RESULTS, you’re growing your SELF in a way that will HELP you fulfill all your other desires at the right time.

OR they organically unfold as you elevate yourself in ONE chosen area.

Maybe, as you grow your business, Mr. Right “magically” appears when you least expect it!

Once you’ve picked that one thing, DON’T LET ANY MIND-MADE BS DISTRACTIONS BE AN EXCUSE to not make it happen, like not enough time, money, or blame on someone else being the reason you’re not achieving your goal.

And for the love of God, GET COACHED.

You have the results that you have right now because of the way you’ve been THINKING.

Your thoughts create your results.

Always.

You THINK online dating sucks? It will be.

You THINK getting over him is too hard? It will be.

You THINK being IN a relationship is hard? It will be.

I’ve learned the “hard” way that without guidance of a trusted mentor, the likelihood is you will continue to produce the SAME RESULTS until you have an elevated thinker holding the space to UP LEVEL your mind and therefore yield results beyond your wildest dreams.

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

It has been a heavy time of year for a few of those close to me, and frankly, for myself.

There are illnesses and several deaths that I simply cannot fathom and continue to be in complete denial about. Also, several clients are in a lot of pain dealing with heartbreak and loneliness, which feels extra amped up over the holidays.

As a heartbreak coach, I’m someone who isn’t afraid to lean into the pain of such tragedies that are occurring around me. And when the tendency to judge my denial arises, I gently remind myself that whatever I’m feeling is completely OK.

Things hit us when they’re supposed to—like when I attended a kundalini yoga class for the first time in ages last week, and the unexpected, cathartic tears spilled on to my mat. I felt lighter, calmer, and at ease.

However, when I left yoga, (and apparently my heart and body),I let my head indulge in ALL THE MIND DRAMA AGAIN, reminding me of how I didn’t hit my business goal for 2019, and how irritated and EXHAUSTED I felt, putting so much energy back into my dating life.

Later that night, I got an unexpected reach-out from a client who was #TAF. (Triggered As F$#%) She was devastated by the news that her ex had moved on with someone else, and he wasn’t making it a secret to their mutual friends.

ALLLLL the very human thoughts that were all too familiar from previous heartbreaks that I’ve experienced, came up for her :

He replaced me

His relationship with her is more serious than the relationship we had.

He was a terrible partner and yet he managed to find someone before me.

He won.

He’s doing things with her that he never did with me.

So much of what I do as a heartbreak coach, is guide my clients in diffusing their painful thoughts, but when they say, “I know those thoughts aren’t true,” I know that’s actually NOT true for them in that moment.

We NEED to look at what we’re believing, because what we believe creates the painful feelings that drive the actions like asking friends about his life, which then results in MORE HEARTBREAK.

I see so clearly how badly she wants to heal, but HER COMMITMENT TO INDULGING HER LACK OF SELF-WORTH, BASED ON HER EX’s ACTIONS, is still stronger than her desire to heal.

And we’ve all been there…. Wanting to lose the 10lbs, but finding it way easier to indulge in fast food and remain sedentary instead.

Wanting to quit over-spending, but OMG-- that DREAM DRESS I’VE BEEN EYEING IS NOW 70% OFF!

So we remain heartbroken, uncomfortable in our bodies, and anxious/pissed at ourselves, every time the credit card statement arrives.

My client admitted, “I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to stop asking friends or checking social media,” as this has been a goal of hers in our work together.

My tough mama-bear came out:

IT’S A DECISION YOU DRUDGE UP FROM WITHIN.

NOTHING ELSE NEEDS TO HAPPEN OUTSIDE OF YOU, IN ORDER TO DECIDE YOU WILL NOT TO BE IN HIS BUSINESS, OR MAKE MEANING OUT OF YOUR WORTH BASED ON WHAT YOU LEARN ABOUT HIS BUSINESS ANYMORE.

It’s AMAZING how much our brains want to also indulge the “I-don’t-know-how” story, which is what she responded with, despite having gone over ALL the things she could do to actively move forward many times, that go BEYOND the THOUGHT-WORK.

This is NOT to shame my client. Again-- WE ALL DO THIS. It’s like “we know how” to lose the weight, but do we really?

Because if we did, WHY AREN’T SO MANY OF US DOING IT?

I reminded her of the many actionable steps she could take:

1) STOP CHECKING SOCIAL MEDIA.

2) STOP ASKING YOUR FRIENDS FOR INFORMATION.

3) TELL YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS TO NOT GIVE YOU INFO IF YOU SLIP UP AND ASK. (It’s like getting sober and asking friends to go for a hike with you instead of going to the bar.)

4) MEDITATE WITH THE PAIN DAILY

5) DO THOUGHT WORK EVERY DAMN DAY

6) REREAD A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT DIDN’T WORK FOR YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP

7) REACH OUT TO CLAIRE EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA

8) DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM MUTUAL FRIENDS

9) VISUALIZE AND START THINKING ABOUT THE KIND OF MAN YOU DO DESERVE AND THE WOMAN YOU NEED TO BE TO ATTRACT HIM! HE’S OUT THERE!

Sure, time and space can heal wounds…but TEACHING YOUR BRAIN JUST HOW GOD DAMN STRONG AND WORTHY YOU REALLY ARE, is FOR SURE, the quickest way through it—all the while cultivating the UTMOST self-compassion for the pockets of pain that come up.

I woke up the next day, thinking about my huge-hearted empathic client, and it was just plain and simple to me that SHE’S NOT BELIEVING it’s possible to get over him. She’s NOT BELIEVING she’ll feel the connection to someone else that she felt with this guy.

And I was reminded by what my coach offers in times like these: When your clients aren’t doing something you KNOW they need to do, in order to get where they want to go, ask IF YOU’RE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN LIFE.

And it hit my like a ton of bricks. I’ve been in MAJOR disbelief about managing my business and dating life simultaneously. For so long, I thought, I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING, and I still see the power in doing just that.

But I made an empowered decision with my coach a couple of months back that I REALLY WANTED TO FOCUS ON BOTH. And not only did I believe it was possible to have success and FUN in both areas, my coach believed I could too!

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

Is this the antithesis of what a life coach SHOULD be offering you this holiday season??

Well…#sorrynotsorry.

Last week sucked for me. IT JUST DID.

Everything I touched seemed to go to SHIT.

Srsly.

My 2019 goals have felt oh so far away, based on the efforts I’ve made and the amount of no’s and closed doors in my face that I’ve received over the last couple of weeks.

Obviously, the life coach in me KNOWS that I’m not in alignment to attract all that I want to achieve and create in my life right now...

Which then makes me want to BEAT MYSELF UP!

Claire. You teach OTHERS how to get out of their own funks, why aren’t you getting out of YOURS?!

The vrittis (what the yogis call the modifications of the mind) had taken over, and I was not in a good way towards the end of this week.

My best friend asked, “Well, what would you say if you were talking to one of your clients right now?”

I was irritated by the question because it reminded me of how I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching for a LIVING.

I immediately responded with, “I’m in too much of a blind-spot right now to think about that!”

Then I paused and remembered that I do this to her all the time, so it was definitely my turn to rise to her occasion!

You know what? I’d tell them it’s totally ok to feel like everything SUCKS right now. I’d tell them to just let it suck.

And it just so happens that a lot of my clients ARE feeling extra heavy in the heart this holiday season, so that is what I’ve been offering them, but the over-achieving coaching student within, felt like I wasn’t allowed to give myself that permission.

Sometimes thought work feels too INAUTHENTIC to take on, when the emotions feel so heavy.

I still think thought work is the GOLD I’d been missing for a majority of my life…

I still KNOW that it’s our thoughts that create our suffering and our joy.

I had believed such painful stories about myself that I played out for way too long. I don’t say this with regret— I say it because once I learned how to do it, IT TRANSFORMED MY LIFE.

But I’m still human. I still get rejected. I still want to love and be loved. And I still find myself wanting other humans to step up the way I pride myself on stepping up.

Giving myself permission to let myself THINK everything sucks, is the greatest gift I could give myself this holiday season.

And wouldn’t you know it… ONCE I DID THAT, things didn’t suck as much anymore.

My head and heart felt that much lighter, and I was able to step into my vulnerability and speak my truth from my clairest, highest self, without fearing what those on the receiving end would think or say.

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THIS WORK, WORKS, MY LOVES?

Are you ready to step into your 2019 with the clairest head and most self-compassionate heart while you create the life of your dreams??

The self-help nerd in me thought, YAASSSSSS! for her, and ME TOO!, so I was selfishly excited about what we’d uncover for us both:)

Although I don’t like to indulge ANYONE’S “I’m-just-SO-busy” story, this woman legit has a busy life:

Full-time job, studying to become a physical trainer AND a health coach, married, and takes care of her child solo for part of the week, due to her husband working out of town.

AND…they just MOVED.

So lots of adjusting with finding the right school for her daughter, settling into the new home, her new job, and… still in the process of selling their old home.

I’m not gonna lie— even I feel angsty listing it all out for you, but GUESS WHAT?

This is life, and as I mentioned… SHE’S A BALLER AT IT.

HER ONLY TWO PROBLEMS ARE:

A) she doesn’t fully recognize (though she’s come a long way!) the baller she is and

B) she wants to control how everything is “supposed” to go

So, when she delegated the inspection issues of the home they’re selling, to her husband, her DISCOMFORT took over, because— OBVI— she THOUGHT she would do a much better job at it than him.

Have you ever been there? Where you’re SO CONVINCED that your way is the right way?

But think about it…

When you THINK your way is so much better while you’re not the one doing the task, (whether you relinquished control or never had it) HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Liz felt anxious, fearful, irritated, and…well…. CONTROLLING.

And when she feels all those fun feelings BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE’S THINKING, ironically, her ACTIONS end up being that she tries to control her husband by following up and making sure he’s doing it the “right” way anyway!

It really is so funny when you SLOW DOWN and look at how you THINK you’re taking something off your plate, but really, it can potentially create MORE anxiety when you’re NOT MANAGING YOUR MIND AROUND IT.

This is why I’m quite biased about hiring a COACH:)

So I asked Liz: Is this still something you are SURE you do NOT want to deal with? Are there other priorities in your life like your health coaching program and self-care practices that matter WAY MORE than you taking on this task?

100% yes. But I’d feel more relief knowing that the inspection would be done MY way! How do I let go of the shitty way he’ll do it?!

Ooooooh I thought this was so good!!!

YOU GET TO FEEL RELIEF WHETHER YOU DECIDE TO TAKE THIS TASK ON YOURSELF, OR DELEGATE IT TO YOUR HUSBAND.

If you’re SURE you’d prefer him to do it, tell me what you need to be thinking in order to STILL CULTIVATE RELIEF for yourself.

I’d need to be thinking that I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW BUSINESS IDEA I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT YET, CLAIRE! Which is why I don’t want to take on the inspection. This is what I want to be focusing on…. As well as getting my daughter to start eating other things besides PBJ’s and grilled cheeses!!

GREAT! So every time you want to check up on your husband, remind yourself that you made a CHOICE to give him the task because there are way more important things you want to focus on, and how LUCKY you are that he’s willing do it for you!

And let’s say his way isn’t perfect… (or your idea of perfect), remind yourself that YOU CHOSE FOR HIM TO TAKE THE REIGNS ON THIS.

Our brains have a real fun way of letting us forget our WHY’S behind making decisions to BENEFIT us, versus DRIVE US NUTS.

Slow it down. Pause. Breathe. And remind yourself of what matters most.

When it’s all said and done, I’d go out on a limb and say that for most of us, perfection wouldn’t be the answer.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday

PS Interested in working with me? I’m taking on 5 new clients for the new year AND OFFERING A YEAR LONG SPECIAL THAT EXPIRES DECEMBER 31st! Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION where we’ll discuss how to make 2019 your BEST YEAR YET!

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

How many of you are or have been heartbroken and you want SO BADLY to get over Mr. Wrong?

Or maybe you’re not convinced he’s the WRONG one, but he’s chosen to walk away so therefore, YOU JUST WANNA GET OVER HIM!

I’ve been there one too many times…

Wanting to CHANGE MY FEELINGS for him because he no longer wants to be in the picture.

And I’d start to indulge a story that there must be something wrong with me that I’d long for someone who not only didn’t treat me well, but WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO BE WITH ME?

Here’s the thing—this kind of resistance and self-judgment KEEPS US MARINATING IN THE HEARTBREAK.

What if you ALLOWED your heart to hurt from feeling rejected?

What if you ALLOWED your heart to long for the guy who at one point, swept you off your feet?

What if you ALLOWED your heart to cultivate self-compassion instead of self-judgment?

And my clients say, BUT CLAIRE, I HATE HOW THIS FEELS SO MUCH.

I DON’T WANT to want him back.

I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

I don’t want to feel this dread when I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night.

What if I offered that YOU DO WANT TO THINK AND FEEL ALL THESE SAD EMOTIONS AND STORIES YOU’RE INDULGING?

Yes, they are stories and you ARE indulging them by allowing the brain to run amok by thinking and feeling the worst meanings you’re making out of the split.

When you argue with reality, you suffer… but only 100% of the time. Thank you Queen Byron Katie!

One of my coaches, Brooke Castillo, offers that life is 50% negative and 50% positive.

What if we leaned into the pain we are feeling for ALL the losses life will inevitably present to us?

I’m not asking you to necessarily LOVE WHAT IS—even though this is EXACTLY what Katie preaches and is actually the title of her book—but it would be A GREAT START TO PERHAPS EXPLORE NOT RESISTING WHAT IS…

This is a work in progress for me ALWAYS, my loves.

Not just in my love-life, but in my friendships, my business, with my family, and my health.

I can hate that I have a recurring cough that exhausts me for months. I can hate that a friend is hurt by me putting myself first. I can hate that setting higher goals for my business alerts my brain to MAD PANIC.

OR I can surrender to the uncomfortable feelings that comes with the 50% of life that is unavoidably negative.

Lean into the discomfort, loves.

From there, your heart will absolutely soften.

And THEN, you get to DECIDE how and when you want to shift your story.

I’m often asked, HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE?

As long as it’s supposed to.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear…

But what I’ve learned is, that when I’ve wanted to get over him SO BADLY, allowing myself to feel the hurt, the longing, the rejection, and the shame, is always a much quicker way to get there.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.

PS interested in working with me? Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION to finish off 2018 with a bang, and start 2019 off with the utmost authenticity, vigor and GRACE.

Ready to Claire Your Mind and Heal Your Heart with me?

An ex once asked, “If you hate small talk so much, why did you become a life coach?”

Ummmmm, it’s EXACTLY why I became a life coach.

I much prefer BIG TALK vs. small talk.

I WANNA GET DEEP. I don’t want to talk about the weather or traffic.

I want to know what eats you up inside. I want to know what makes your heart soar. I want to know what you’re DYING to do in this lifetime, and how you’re gonna go about doing it.

So, you can only imagine how much FUN I have when I take an Uber ride.

To put it mildly, it’s my worst nightmare.

When I returned from Cabo, my driver wanted to argue with me about the name of my hood, West LA. Most people in LA don’t know that there’s an actual little area between Beverly Hills and Santa Monica that is referred to as West LA.

He literally GUFFAWED at me, and tried telling me about the lay of the land I’d been living in for the last 5 years.

He then conveniently let me know that he’s struggling to pay for better upholstery for the interior of his car as I was scrambling to get out as quickly as possible, upon arrival.

Then you’ve got my all-time favorite interactions at Trader Joe’s. I swear to God they have GOT to offer their check-out employees better conversation-starter topics.

Look, I’m ALL ABOUT BEING POLITE AND GENUINELY APPRECIATIVE TO ANYONE WHO IS IN A SERVICE POSITION, (or anyone period!) but I don’t feel like telling you “what I’m up to for the rest of the day.”

You seriously want me to rattle off that I’m heading to a gyno appointment, then spending a solid 2 hours looking for “the one” on Bumble after my gyno yet again reminds me that I should have started trying to conceive yesterday, and after that? Probs drown my sorrows in the bottle of Two Buck Chuck you thankfully, so carefully packed.

HOW ABOUT YOU, JOE?! What are YOU up to after work?

So as usual, I braced myself for an invasive conversation when I hopped into a cab to LAX, heading for Ireland last week.

It was going to be a long 45 minute ride, thanks to rush hour traffic.

I don’t know what it was, but we got into a lovely, ORGANIC chat, which led him to asking what I did for a living, prefaced with: I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING…

Jason’s mama raised him with some MANNERS!

I explained that I’m a heartbreak coach, which inspired more questions that were intelligent and genuine.

(Trust me: I know the difference between skepticism and judgment, vs open mindedness and polite curiosity)

Jason wanted to know what led me on this path. I shared MY HEARTBREAK STORY with him, and his immediate response was:

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

PLEASE DON’T BE!

I explained that I attracted that guy because of my very low self-esteem at the time, which was an invitation to wake up and take a good, long, hard look in the mirror and get real about how poorly I’d been treating myselffor so many years.

The bottom line was, if my self-esteem was high, I NEVER WOULD HAVE TOLERATED THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Lovely Jason offered yet another polite preface before asking a question that most Trader Joe’s employees and Uber drivers I’ve met apparently were not taught to do, with:

“Forgive me for asking this…and you don’t have to answer and I don’t wanna sound…”

Jason. We’re practically besties. Whatchyou wanna know?

Well I hear this a lot…Attractive women like you, talking about having low self-esteem and I hope it doesn’t sound ignorant, but I don’t understand how someone like you would have low self esteem…

I wasn’t offended at all, and I thought it was a great question.

Forgive the not-so-humble brag by sharing his flattering observation, but I totally understood what he meant, as I have the most beautiful clients and girlfriends on the inside and out, WHO DON’T THINK THEY ARE WORTH THE GREAT SALARY, GUY, or JOB.

They’d do ANYTHING for their friends, family, and emotionally unavailable partners, and put more effort into cheering them on from the sidelines…

But they find themselves hurt because those loved ones might not necessarily do the same for them in return. Or they’re exhausted from giving, giving, giving, or financially spent because they’d never say no to an expensive birthday getaway, or a wedding that they realistically can’t afford.

There are SO many reasons why I had low self-esteem that were never properly addressed for too long. (But of course, I believe timing is everything so no regrets on when I embarked on this healing journey)

As a kid, despite having a family who was ALWAYS there for me, I still felt “not enough” in my social life, even though my childhood friends are still some of my closest.

It wasn’t a reflection on them. It was a reflection of my THOUGHTS ABOUT MYSELF and the values that seemed to be so important in the culture of my hoighty-toighty hometown.

Being skinny, pretty, and rich were basic requirements to feel accepted, where I grew up.

Looking back, I recognize I had a very privileged childhood, but at the time, compared to my friends, I was the taller, more awkward, less rich, and less pretty one throughout middle school into high school.

Then I picked the most soul-sucking career an insecure girl in her early 20’s could pick—

FECKIN’. ACTING.

Acting is still my first love, but alllll the mistakes I made and missed opportunities I messed up because I had my low self-esteemed-head up me arse, allowed for that lack of self-worth to continue to play out.

Sure, I’ve had some great experiences acting over the years and continue to appreciate the auditions I get today, (thankfully with a lot more skill and confidence) but again, I found myself cheering my more successful friends on, accepting that them being the stars was always going to be “the way it is.”

And I didn’t have this acute sense of self-awareness until I hit rock bottom in my love-life.

The pain was unbearable and my strong conviction as the victim bled into every other area of my life, which broke friendships, (some irreparable) and again, destroyed a lot of incredible audition opportunities I was fortunate to have during my years in NYC.

The universe served me someone on a silver platter to reflect back the poor treatment I’d been giving myself for years prior, based on false beliefs that disguised what true worthiness really meant to me at my core.

I’m actually glad it happened because without that experience, I wouldn’t be doing what I do NOW.

Does this make sense, Jase?

He said it totally did. And then proceeded to tell me about his biggest heartbreak that happened not too long ago…

He wasn’t interested in opening his heart again any time soon, but of course I gave him unsolicited coaching advice and told him that the more we’re willing to let our hearts break by staying open and being our most authentic and vulnerable selves, the greater the chance of finding our person.

Then.

Wait for it.

I asked for a hug at the end.

Yep. Ms Anti-Making-Friends-With-Strangers hugged it out with her Uber driver, and it was the greatest kick-off to the most EPIC week I had with my family and friends in Dublin!

Where do you feel most insecure in your life? Is it one area or several areas?

Although I offered a therapy angle to Jason by connecting the dots from my past, as a life coach, my approach is to focus on the PRESENT and start cleaning up what’s not working, right here, RIGHT NOW, in order to create an incredible FUTURE.

If you’re intrigued to finish off 2018 with a bang, and kick off 2019 with a CONCRETE approach and PLAN TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, contact me for a FREE CONSULTATION!