Archive for August, 2014

If you are frequently troubled by or experience being restless, despondent, worried, anxious, fearful, irritated, dejected then this post is a must read for you. The fury, heat and carnage of hell is already being experienced by you now; can hell get any worse? Therefore you need to ask yourself the question how can I make my present life more joyful, liberating and fulfilling. The answer lies in eliminating many of the toxic feelings and thoughts that we are prone to get addicted to as a result of challenges, failures, rejections that we may have been subject to or visualize as being part of our fate.

Get rid of the following and you will never be carrying your personal hell in mind or spirit.

Anger –Anger is a self destructive bomb we carry around. It can explode leaving behind not just a mass of debris but that debris would include you too. Walking around with anger inside, shuts of our ability to be discerning, appreciative or forgiving. This is akin to being a pressure cooker without a release outlet. Our rage within imbalances our physiology as well as our psychology. We are consumed from within.

Jealousy – A jealous person is always comparing. The comparisons are invariably futile for the other person will still have what he/ she has but we will be still wanting for more. Jealousy can also trigger one to take irrational decisions, take away our attention from our abilities and instead waste our energies on plotting against others and most of all it makes us restless.

Greed – Greed is the trigger for jealousy. Our greed makes us crave for more. It makes us pine for what we do not have. It makes is feel inferior to others who have what we too would covet. Greed embroils us in a confusion between desires we cannot afford and the temptation to take dubious means to fulfil our desires. Greed adds to our pain of us feel inadequate as compared to others.

Revenge – Getting even with someone who has wronged us is a boiling cauldron within us that is called revenge. Revenge blinds us to the consequences of our action. More dangerous is the fact that when obsessed with the thoughts of revenge we forget that we are wilfully endangering ourselves. Revenge enslaves us by binding us with a frenzy and fury of our own making.

Deceit – Making a quick buck or gain is never easy. Yet we are tempted to attempt that. Except when one gets lucky like winning a lottery or getting an inheritance making wealth is the result of hard work. However many a time we are tempted to indulge in a little deceit to make some gains. It could be cheating the tax man or betraying the trust of another or deliberately conning another. Deceit will disturb our peace of mind in more ways than one. From feeling guilty to being fearful of getting caught or having to suffer the retribution of those cheated, we are always on tenterhooks.

Telling lies – This is the most common and frequently indulged trap we fall in. Lying to others may occasionally help save our skin but it is fraught with the risk of being exposed. A lie is heavy burden on our conscience and pricks us often. The worst lie is the one we tell ourselves. By refusing to accept our faults, by failing to acknowledge our weakness and by ignoring the fair and honest criticism given to us by our elders and well wishers we are only lying to our self. These lies compound and act as sores in our conscience that are always festering.

Try this:

You are approached by a very good friend for a major contribution to a charity. You already have many commitments over the next few months and you do not want contribute anything. What will you tell the friend?

Your colleague at work has suddenly been given a plush car and a huge increment. You have no idea what the reason for such largesse by the management is. At the same time in the appraisals you have been given accolades by the management. How will you react to this situation?

Your bachelor uncle who lived with you died after a prolonged illness. Your family has spent a lot time and money and sacrificed a lot to take care of him. In his will he has bequeathed his massive property to you and your family. However verbally he has told you a number of times that 5 % of the share in the property must be given to charity and 20 % to a cousin. Neither the charity concerned is aware of it and your cousin has never cared to inquire about the uncle. Would you happily abide by your uncles instructions or prefer to go by the will.

Looking back wistfully may not be a waste but looking back with regret is disastrous for the life ahead of you. When wistful, our thoughts go back to the pleasant memories of days gone by, the growing up years, the warmth and affection of loved ones, the lessons learned some perhaps in painful ways but each memory triggers a nostalgia tinged with sadness but filled with love. On the other hand, looking back with regret evokes a host of unpleasant, loathsome and burdensome thoughts each sending a stab of pain and anguish. We never seem to get over the ‘if only’ syndrome and add a garnishing of bad luck, stupid decision making and other peoples faults to make a pungent potion of an indigestible concoction which we refuse to spit out.

While the past cannot be changed we can certainly change our view of the past. Begin by taking stock of what you are blessed with today. It may be frugal, it may not be anywhere close to what we hoped to have but the fact is you still have it. Now focus on what you want to get. You can dream big no matter what your circumstances, for you are limited only by your dreams. So now you have a dream and a reality which outline for you your present and the future. The missing link is the past which has played a crucial role in helping you reach where you are. Now see the past as a bridge that allowed you to cross a chasm. You didn’t have much of a choice at that point unless you changed tracks to explore alternate routes. Having crossed the chasm the bridge is no longer there for you to reverse your steps so all that you can do is walk on.

Starting today, as you journey ahead, be aware that many of those unpleasant events of the past have actually nudged you in the right direction and enabled you to attain far more than you would ever have otherwise. Perhaps it was a failure that nudged you to pursue a different profession than what you had planned. In many cases we never had any plans and life was kind enough to lead you to where you are today. Starting today remember also that you have numerous choices ahead. Choose wisely for your choices today, will tomorrow become, the bridges you crossed yesterday. If you have a plan, a dream a goal you are better placed to make wiser choices. Youngsters reading this post be more aware that what you post on social networking sites could mar your career tomorrow for they reflect your personality, beliefs and attitude far more astutely than what you portray in an interview. If you have big dreams then think more clearly today about your values, your character and your convictions and let them come through in your choices.

Try this:

Outline 3 decisions of the past that you would have taken differently. How would each of that decision impact your present?

Can you think of 3 incidents from the past which you hated/ regretted/ wished didn’t happen but latter realized that they actually benefited you in the long run. How did it benefit you?

What will you do when faced with the following circumstances?

You find a wallet with Rs.10,000 in it but no other papers or details of the owner of the wallet.

You are driving out of a parking lot and you were distracted by a call on your mobile. Unfortunately you rammed into a parked Mercedes car. The damage to the other car is significant but fortunately for you there are no attendants around and you can drive away without being noticed.

Your roommate is out of town and you borrowed his /her camera when going for a picnic. The camera slipped from your hands and has stopped functioning. There is no external damage marks on the camera.

Your best friend at work has requested you to tell a lie to cover up for her /his unauthorized absence from work.

Mistakes happen and when we realize it, we are often tempted to keep it under wraps. The logic used is that perhaps the mistake will never be noticed. Invariably though, mistakes do get noticed and the consequences are not too pleasant. The worst mistakes are those we make in our relationships. Here invariably we cannot hide the mistake but equally true is the realization that the mistake can strain and possibly break a relationship. It takes a lot of courage therefore, to admit to a mistake and apologize for it. We will be greatly relieved once we admit our mistake and sincerely apologize for it for that is when we discover our inner strength and character which in turn makes us brave enough to own up our fault. The consequences notwithstanding, be the first to admit to a mistake and apologize; for that is when your values and upbringing prop you up and define your personal and moral courage.

If you put yourself in the shoes of someone against whom a mistake has been committed, the natural reaction is to fly into a rage, seek revenge and hold grudges. Assume further that the mistake committed is by someone very close to you then you will definitely be seething with anger. If the other party has been brave enough to admit a mistake and apologize for the same, your character, upbringing and values will be severely tested at this point. How you react will be the defining moment for you. If you are harsh, rude and stubbornly unforgiving, it will belittle your personality. On the other hand if you can keep your rage in check, remain calm and composed when listening to the apology and thereafter magnanimously accept the apology and forgive the wrong doer, it will be testimony to your core values and inner strength.

It is relatively easier to apologize and to forgive, but is almost impossible to forget a hurt or slight suffered. Revenge, ill will and an eye for an eye are the normal dictums that keep buzzing in our mind. Invariably then, it is impossible to get rid of the feeling of hurt and forget the incident that triggered our angst. Unfortunately we do not realize that keeping a hurt alive only gnaws us from the inside; it seethes, it simmers, it is like an acid that corrodes the very container it is stored in. If one can imagine the futility of keep in mind a past hurt it would be easy to forgive and forget. The bad memories once erased offer space for more positive and pleasant thoughts to reside in the recess of the mind. It helps flower within us the seeds of happiness. Count blessings, forget hurts and live happy!

Try this:

Recollect a couple of negative feedback given to you by your

Teachers

Colleagues

Friends

Bosses

Family

Do you think any or most of it were unjustified? Did it help you improve? Do you still carry a hurt or grudge about any of the above persons who gave you a negative feedback?

List out names of 3 people (other than your family members) who have had a deep positive influence on you. Recount at least specific incident that you cherish about your interaction with that person.

So now that you have tried everything in pursuit of happiness which is still elusive, perhaps you have resigned to your fate or Karma, accepting that you have to make do whatever you are destined to. The good part is that it brings a closure to your yet fruitless pursuit. The bad part is that you find it still tough to accept the situation. The good news though is that there is still hope, for you can still get served what you deserve.

Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on how you can get to the right feast.

Ensure you get invited – This is a lot different from forcing yourself to a feast or getting invited by stealth. Step back and visualise who gets invited. It is invariably those, who the host has an urge to invite. This means that you need to be known to the host, you need to be accepted by the host as worthy of being invited and the host will miss your presence if you are unable to make it to the feast. To ensure that your karma is aligned to the hosts expectations from the guest, you need to work on your attitude, your character, your worth and you can then hope to get what you deserve.

Sit at a table – In a movie the balcony seats are prized most whereas for a play or musical the front seats are for the privileged. At a banquet you get served if occupy a table. Unfortunately there are no buffets in Karma Café so you can’t serve yourself. In Karma Café you choose and set the table by ensuring that thoughts and deeds are aligned to your personal betterment, the betterment of the society around you and by leaving the world a better place than what you inherited.

Don’t be greedy – At Karma Café you will never want for anything. However this is possible only when on your journey to Karma Café you have taken care of those along the journey with you, sacrificed for those in greater need and by not amassing and hording for yourself especially at a cost to others. If you fed the hungry, clothed the naked , visit the sick and befriend a stranger then you are well on your way to a sumptuous meal at Karma Café.

Be grateful and gracious – At a banquet the guests have little or no control over what is served. Long before you are a guest, you are a host for all those who you come in contact with. Be grateful for the privileges you have that can be shared with your guests and be lavish and gracious in sharing with them. Only then can you expect to be a privileged guest at Karma Café.

Do unto others as you want them to do to you is the one line philosophy of the Karma Café !

Try this:

List the names of 3 people who have annoyed you a lot. Find 2 reasons( for each person) and pardon them by removing your ill feelings towards them. It would be extremely beneficial for you to actually tell them that you have no ill will towards them.

Think of the worst act ( maybe dishonesty / perhaps lies you said / possibly grudge you hold etc) that you have ever indulged in. Think of ways to atone for it.