Regarding Polanski, I was about to say that Ed Harris didn't stand and applaud, but I think that was for Kazan, actually. He definitely remained seated, glowering. And aside from Polanski himself, I think it's definitely Whoopi ('it wasn't "rape" rape') Goldberg that comes across as the biggest cunt of the whole sorry episode.

Anyway, onto happier things...

The Lady Eve (Preston Sturges)

Sparkling dialogue, big laughs, nimble direction and two superb performances from Henry Fonda as a naive millionaire and Barbara Stanwyck as the con artist who falls for him, make this sheer class from beginning to end. My exploration of Sturges this year has possibly been my filmic highlight. (4.5)

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ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.

Following ten minutes of really bad dance footage seemingly filmed to fill a little time, a stripper leaves a nightclub and gets raped in the car park by three zombies. When she tells the police, they not only don't believe her, but the detective rapes her. When she tells her best friend, she gets laughed at. When she tells the nightclub bouncer, he throws her out on her arse. Then she gets raped by the zombies again. In the middle of all this there's a mad scientist who runs a video rental store and keeps a giant baby-man in the back. He brings a prostitute home for the baby-man then orders the baby-man to kill her. Then to rape her corpse. The girl who keeps getting attacked by the zombies meets a guy who got beaten up by the zombies and then beaten up by his dad for being beaten up by the zombies. Together they figure out the zombies were created by video rental dude and track him down. At which point a jester appears and asks for a blowjob.

I'm not making this shit up. It's awful. The kind of film that gives dumb as fuck low-budget sleaze a bad name.

Handsomely mounted, this dramatisation of a stand-off between a Russian sharpshooter (Jude Law) and the Nazi general sent to kill him (Ed Harris) on the battleground of Stalingrad really would work better as a silent. The visuals are striking at times, with planes strafing Russian convoys trying to arrive at Stalingrad by boat and Russian officers shooting their own soldiers who have the temerity to try and flee the carnage they're being thrown into. However, once the characters open their mouths, it all falls apart. The script gives them nothing to mouth but platitudes about the cruelty of war and with not one attempt to affect a foreign language of any kind, it really does make the cast seem awkward and ill-fitted to the roles - Bob Hoskins as Kruschev and Ron Pearlman as a Russian veteran in particular. Occasionally it feels like greatness is within its grasp, but the other factors really do make it dramatically stillborn. (3)

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ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.

I'm going out to the states to redeem the social outcasts. My only real ambition is to cultivate Texas. I love Texas. You must watch "The last picture show". That film! It was my first real sexual relationship.

I'm going out to the states to redeem the social outcasts. My only real ambition is to cultivate Texas. I love Texas. You must watch "The last picture show". That film! It was my first real sexual relationship.

I'm not the biggest fan of the films anyway, so this was always going to have a more difficult time with me, but I can't join in the general love parade that's met the film. Yes, there are some superb action sequences, yes, the ape scenes are magnificent and every time Caesar is on screen he gives the film an almighty kick up the arse. At times it even feels like a five star film, but that script is fairly abysmal. The dialogue in some scenes, especially the one where Franco takes Caesar back to see the lab, feels like the first take of some improv. Franco, who I usually like, never seems that interested in anything around him. Lithgow is over the top, and the humans in general do really badly. A better script and performances from the humans to equal the apes would have made this a gem, as it is, it's merely decent.

Edit - Oh, and that Harry Potter kid, fuck me, who told him he could act? He's as bad here as he was a decade ago in the first Potter film. Surely he could have picked up some acting tips from the likes of Rickman?

I always like to see how ineffectual the human race can be in film when up against anything remotely out of the ordinary. You get the impression that the dweebs in this film couldn't have stopped worldwide domination by three hamsters in an exercise ball. This is probably the best Apes so far, but I don't really like any of the previous films that much, only the original novel and the TV series standing out until now.

The last half hour had some of the silliest bits. I laughed, very loudly, at the complete idiocy of the fact that the cops hold a standoff against apes on a bridge, thinking they'd all walk calmly down the road towards them. Idiots deserved to get taken over.

But Caeser was great. I particularly liked that little nod he gave to the other ape to say he could push the chopper off the edge.

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So, sir, we let him have it right up! And I have to report, sir, he did not like it, sir.

But in terms of pacing and direction it was a brilliant action sequence. There was a certain scene that provoked unintentional laughter, but other than that I thought it was some of the strongest stuff in the film. The weakest was any of the scenes with the annoying Potter brat. Especially one certain line.

I would guess that they probably thought they had to have that line in somewhere. And, yes, he's not very good, is he? Having said that, he still fulfilled the part of being an annoying little shit, so he managed a small victory.

On the whole, though, I really liked it and hope that a) there's a sequel and b) there's a longer director's cut to come on blu-ray.

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ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.

Along with a couple of his very first films, Spartacus tended to be the film that Kubrick was most dismissive of and you can see why. Parachuted in by star Kirk Douglas to save a troubled production, it's a Roman epic that bears precious little personality from Kubrick himself. Indeed, at times it's merely bland, with long scenes of conversation (usually between Douglas and love interest Jean Simmons) that could have been filmed by anyone. You can only imagine how itchy and restless Kubrick would have been with these scenes and it's a feeling that can't help but bleed into the film itself. You want to urge the film on to the more epic and grisly scenes of rebellion and carnage - in fact, Kubrick probably felt a lot in common with the film's hero, both striving to be free from under an autocratic dictatorship telling them what to do. It's an irony Kirk Douglas probably wouldn't have appreciated. But at times, the film firmly becomes a Kubrick film and unsurprisingly that's where it really sings. The scenes of gladiatorial training, crushing any spirit out of the men whose only purpose is to die, is a neat precursor to Kubrick's visit to Vietnam two decades later and when Kubrick allows himself to go epic, with some truly stunning vistas or the furious and visceral action (those Romans really do look like they've been set on fire), it works far better than he gave himself credit for. Often compared to Ben Hur, it at least has a better leading man, even if it is one of his lesser works. Instead, the best performances (and the scenes where you suspect Kubrick had the most fun even if they don't have the feel of take 75) come from Olivier as the sneering bad guy intent on putting down the uprising and taking control of Rome in one fell swoop, and Charles Laughton and Peter Ustinov as the senator and gladiator trainer scheming against Olivier's plans in the corners of Rome. (3.5)

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ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.

It feels too much of a wink at the audience though, and I thought it actually stripped the scene of some power. I hope there's a sequel too, maybe it could work out some of the problems I had with this one. The effects truly are magnificent though, and it's not just "Oooh pwetty!!!" effects, they're actually used to deepen the characters. Caesar is just incredible, possibly the most sympathetic character in cinema this year.

Along with a couple of his very first films, Spartacus tended to be the film that Kubrick was most dismissive of and you can see why. Parachuted in by star Kirk Douglas to save a troubled production, it's a Roman epic that bears precious little personality from Kubrick himself. Indeed, at times it's merely bland, with long scenes of conversation (usually between Douglas and love interest Jean Simmons) that could have been filmed by anyone. You can only imagine how itchy and restless Kubrick would have been with these scenes and it's a feeling that can't help but bleed into the film itself. You want to urge the film on to the more epic and grisly scenes of rebellion and carnage - in fact, Kubrick probably felt a lot in common with the film's hero, both striving to be free from under an autocratic dictatorship telling them what to do. It's an irony Kirk Douglas probably wouldn't have appreciated. But at times, the film firmly becomes a Kubrick film and unsurprisingly that's where it really sings. The scenes of gladiatorial training, crushing any spirit out of the men whose only purpose is to die, is a neat precursor to Kubrick's visit to Vietnam two decades later and when Kubrick allows himself to go epic, with some truly stunning vistas or the furious and visceral action (those Romans really do look like they've been set on fire), it works far better than he gave himself credit for. Often compared to Ben Hur, it at least has a better leading man, even if it is one of his lesser works. Instead, the best performances (and the scenes where you suspect Kubrick had the most fun even if they don't have the feel of take 75) come from Olivier as the sneering bad guy intent on putting down the uprising and taking control of Rome in one fell swoop, and Charles Laughton and Peter Ustinov as the senator and gladiator trainer scheming against Olivier's plans in the corners of Rome. (3.5)

Ah, a Kirk Douglas film...

Ustinov is brilliant, but I think this is probably Kubrick's worst film.

I'm not the biggest fan of the films anyway, so this was always going to have a more difficult time with me, but I can't join in the general love parade that's met the film. Yes, there are some superb action sequences, yes, the ape scenes are magnificent and every time Caesar is on screen he gives the film an almighty kick up the arse. At times it even feels like a five star film, but that script is fairly abysmal. The dialogue in some scenes, especially the one where Franco takes Caesar back to see the lab, feels like the first take of some improv. Franco, who I usually like, never seems that interested in anything around him. Lithgow is over the top, and the humans in general do really badly. A better script and performances from the humans to equal the apes would have made this a gem, as it is, it's merely decent.

Edit - Oh, and that Harry Potter kid, fuck me, who told him he could act? He's as bad here as he was a decade ago in the first Potter film. Surely he could have picked up some acting tips from the likes of Rickman?

It's not really about the humans, though.

SPOILERS

There was laughter during the 'Get Your Hands Off Me...' line and then stunned silence for Caesar's NO when I saw it. Did you not like that bit? Tied in wonderfully with Cornellius' monologue in Escape... (although I'll admit I didn't know that until I watched Escape..., which was after Rise...)

ORIGINAL: rawlinson Ustinov is brilliant, but I think this is probably Kubrick's worst film.

The Shining is his worst film by a considerable distance. Sooooooooooooo happy that it didn't come up in the HOF!

Nah, I'm not a huge fan of The Shining, but Spartacus is fairly bad.

There are still gaps in my Kubrick viewing, but of the ones I have seen Spartacus is his worst. Some individually brilliant scenes, but they're scattered among long scenes where he clearly has little interest.

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ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.