Denizens we start this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend…by talking about basketball.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): Who are you and where is my husband?

MERLIN: Relax, m’lady. He does this about every other year or so.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): Hmf.

Anyway, I found this article about a 30-year-old basketball tradition over in Arkansas that I thought was damned cool.

Well, here’s a call that won’t ruffle anyone, and also one that is never disputed. It’s the technical foul that gets called at John Brown University (in Siloam Springs, Ark.) every season when the basketball team sinks its first field goal and the fans respond by blanketing the court with toilet paper.

Roughly 500 rolls of TP take flight, in a tradition that dates back 30 years for the Golden Eagles. This season’s opener, Oct. 28 against Hillsdale Freewill Baptist, figures to be particularly celebratory, because it also will showcase the new Bill George Arena.

Damn, I wish I coulda been there for that.

Now, it’s one thing when it happens, and the other team just stands there looking all annoyed about it. But when the opponents are actually wanting to be part of the festivities, that just makes it all the more fun.

Can you imagine being the ref that gets to call that tech? I dunno if I could do it – I’d be too doubled over laughing my ass off.

Let’s get on with the football. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be wrong tonight when I predict the end of the football season for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. They’ve got Killeen in the area round of the playoffs over in Waxy-hachet (for the Uninitiated, that’s my personal nickname for Waxahachie).

That’s “Killeen”, as in the ones who beat Stephenville earlier this year. That’s “Stephenville” as in, national “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football power Stephenville.

Get ready to be plugged into the PFW, Bucky.

Saturday, Gary Patterson brings his 19th-ranked (gawd, it feels good to be able to say that again) TCU Horned Frogs for a couple of victory-lap games. Tomorrow’s is against the Colorado State Rams – and, while CSU always puts the fear o’ Cthulu into me, they never do all that well in Ft. Worth. And Vegas would seem to concur; they’re giving CSU 34 points.

And since UNLV is here next week, basically it’s win this one and force Britton Bernowsky Craig Thompson to don the stiff upper lip as he hands the Frogs their fourth – and last – Mountain West championship.

Mheh.

Also Saturday, fifth-ranked Oklahoma has to go down to Waco and put up with all the swooning over 22nd-ranked Baylor and ARRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! all night long.

Truth be told, I’d feel better about this game had the Cubbies not nearly stunk up the joing against Rock Chalk. Now they’ll be on their guard. Bob Stoops, have a care.

Early in the day, Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers go to the Big House and square off against Denard Robinson and the 18th-ranked Michigan Wolverines.

Vegas has it as a toss-up (Michigan minus 3½ at home), but I don’t like this game – the Huskers always have trouble against fleet-footed QBs, and Robinson is as fleet-footed as they come -and he’s got an arm. Things don’t look good here.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys travel up to Warshington to play the Foreskins.

OZY McCOOL: Admiral…

[Venomous silences Ozy with a mere glance.]

OZY McCOOL: …uh, right. Forgot for a second. Sorry.

Back in Dallas, they could only manage six field goals. But that was BD (Before DeMarco). Dallas has gotten better since then, while Warshington’s gotten worse.

I’m actually pulling for Dallas in this one, since you will never – ever – catch me pulling for the Foreskins.

We’re back Monday for the recap. In the meantime, Rock Chalk visits Texas A&M, and I don’t think even A&M will be able to blow this lead. And Bucky will travel to Champaign and run roughshod all over the Illini.

So, as we exit, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather play in UIllinois’ regular stadium…or in Wrigley Field?

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)