Worst: Whoever Had The Temerity To Put Heath Slater In A Match Against Brodus Clay Is An Ignoramus

Heath Slater is not Curt Hawkins, no matter how much they look alike, and should not be used as such.

I hate giving Worsts to Heath Slater matches. In theory this could’ve been good, but Brodus has kinda plateaued in the ring, and even the One Man Band (Baybay) can’t sell spectacularly when his opponent’s moveset is “stand still” and “move forward slightly”. The match had its high points (Heath’s attempt at explaining how he’s the One Man Band at the beginning of the match, humping up and down like he was trying to churn butter from Clay’s neck during a front facelock and crawling across the ring on his knees with his hand over his face to sell a forearm), but no, it was literally nothing.

Now if I could figure out how to translate it to Tout. The only sentence I know in Tout is “ah lack wartchin’ Raw” followed by six consecutive crotch-chops.

Worst: MizTV

I don’t say this a lot, but the guy who chanted “boring” during Miz TV was on the right track.

I can’t think of a more straight-up boring four minutes in recent memory. Triple H doing that thing where he closes his eyes and lowers his head between sentences to remember his lines (“this business”) and/or absorb real or imagined crowd response is more entertaining than Miz TV. It wasn’t necessarily BAD, but man, my brain at that moment in time was not prepared to handle it. Everything before the ending was as bad as the ending was good. Maybe I couldn’t recover from him failing to mention Carlito’s Cabana, I dunno.

Hopefully this will be the last-ever edition of Miz TV, and next week will start with Miz walking out in a suit with a microphone and Ryback rushing out to immediately crush his body with the big light-up M. Too bad the live mic that ended up in the crowd fell into the hands of a troglodyte and not somebody who could’ve spat out PUSH DAMIEN SANDOW or something before it was whisked away. GAULDBARG, GAULDBARG, GAULDBARG~! At least shout your blogspot URL, dude.

Best: F**K YO COUCH

I’m not kidding, I would pay good money for a ‘Storage Wars’-type show where Vince McMahon bids astronomical amounts for storage units at auction, then just opens it up and tells Ryback to throw everything he can find inside. Just a show about him throwing couches and partially-built jet-skis and old arcade cabinets and shit.

We wanted Ryback to move on to something other than squashing the Stans Stansky of the world, and here it is. Whether it’ll lead to an ersatz Goldberg vs. Raven United States Championship Match or not, it’s enough to make me tune in next week and see where it goes. Miz’s Backstage Fallout interview should be two sentences: “I am not prepared for this” and “has anybody seen Alex Riley?”, only to find that RYBACK has seen Alex Riley and that ALEX RILEY HAS BEEN EATEN.

Best: You Know, Honestly, If The Sock Gives His Arm Magical Striking Power He Shouldn’t Be Able To Use It In Matches, It’s No Better Than A Loaded Tennis Racket Or Whatever

I really dug this match, even though the WWE Fan Nation video starts with that weird botch/Lex Luger forearm attack Ziggler did and just rolled with. For some reason (as you might’ve picked up) I’m fascinated by Santino Marella and extremely into any match featuring him getting beaten up. It just feels right and makes sense to me. Ziggler screwing around with him before Zig-Zagging him twice was glorious, as was the continuation of Santino’s story about being too distracted by prop-hand shenanigans to win a wrestling match. You established that the Cobra was just a puppet on your arm, bro, there was no puppet for like the first two years you did it, just do the Cobra and win without the puppet.

The “Let’s Go Ziggler” chants were encouraging, although they’re starting to feel more like what a WWE audience thinks they’re supposed to say when Ziggler’s wrestling, rather than an actual cheer for Ziggler. Regardless, everyone looked effective here — Ziggler got to actually show off in a match without looking like it was gonna make him lose, Vickie got to be a useful hand at ringside by keeping the snake puppet away from Santino, and Santino got to make 12,000 people go AHHH HE’S GONNA DO THE HAND JIVE WE PAID TO SEE before getting super disappointed. Win, win, win.

I feel like Santino needs to get back into a tag team and get shuffled back into the growing tag division. Put him with Brodus again, that was fun for a minute. Tag him up with Big Zeke and call them “E-snake-ial”. Put him with Sgt. Slaughter and have them feud within the team because of how much Sarge hates Cobra. Who cares? Everything’s a good idea.

Those were both good, but this one (save for the Ryback ending… because Ryback’s job is to show up at the end of terrible skits and threaten people until it gets good) was terrible. It presented too many questions. Was Truth manipulating the politeness of a stranger by making Jared assume he was out of his mind just to get two subs instead of one? Why were those subs hanging out of their wrappings? I worked at a Subway, we don’t just wrap the ass end of it and hand it to you. If Subway doesn’t think an off-white paper tube looks appetizing, why wrap it like that in the first place? How is Jared from Subway still a fitness and health spokesman when his boobs are bigger than AJ’s? How did Kofi not know Truth was talking about Subway’s birthday when he walked into the Subway sandwiches room and it was full of balloons? WHO THINKS WE’RE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT DAMIEN SANDOW WOULD EVER EAT AT A SUBWAY. It should’ve just been Jared going “hey Truth and Kofi, it’s Subway’s birthday! Here, eat this loaf of garbage”.

I’m also really upset that Daniel Bryan dropped his veganism a week before the Subway promo, so he couldn’t storm in and start yelling about how Subway advertises “fresh food” but their only options are salted meat-approximations and the “veggie delight”, which is f**king high school cafeteria salad good at best. These guys are so ignorant to how vegetables work they treat an avocado like f**king Ripley had just stumbled out of the jungle with it in a butterfly net and dropped it off at Subway HQ. I’m also sad that Kane didn’t show up and set Jared on fire.

Fun fact: I am 99% sure that Destiny once dated Jared from Subway. He looked exactly like that and ate Subway every day.

Sadly, no. I’ll have to check in on it. I feel guilty because I never go onto Tumblr except to dump gifs on it because I really don’t understand Tumblr and only go onto like 5 different websites. I’ll have to look into it, though, because Ebessan is rad. Thanks, Wrestling Bro!

I was a co-contributor to that at the beginning, but I don’t know how to make .gifs, and that’s what all the cool kids want to see. All credit for that amazing Tumblr should go to Vince Morales, who defines the words “cromulent” and “problem alcoholic.” I’m only making one of those ones up. WHICH ONE IS IT?

Alright, one last time I’ma drop a question in here: If you went to Trios, should I buy all three nights or is night 3 all I need to see. THESTINGER is the only reply I’ve gotten so far, and while I respect the crap out of his opinion on wrasslin, his Trios boner is like, the biggest boner. Howevah, if his feels are the same feels as the majority of you TrioBros, then I think that’d sell me on it.

I look at it this way: I texted someone after night one and told them it was the best and most fun I had ever had at a wrestling show. Night two kept that feeling up, and by night three, I figured we’d plateaued, and I’d end up enjoying the conclusion the way you do a good book. I figured it’d be a denouement, and a nice little bow on everything I’d seen.

It starts out with the Sendai Girls vs. ROH, and I vividly remember Brandon and I looking at each other and saying “They’re STARTING with this?”, because The Sendai Girls had been consistently the best thing there so far. Then the match happened, and was, bar none, the best Trios match of the weekend. At the conclusion we both said “How in the HELL is anything going to follow that?”, and ran off to give the Sendai Girls as much money as humanly possible.

And then things DID follow it, and ALL OF IT WAS AWESOME. By the end of the night, you have no idea how you got to where you are, but you don’t want it to end, ever.

My point is, you need to see the goodness from nights 1 and 2, so that when 3 blows you away, you can sit in awe of how unreasonably good the entire event was.

That Swagger story was really well written. Anyway, I actually liked Kofi in the specific context of the match. Kane’s this big powerful dude so Kofi’s trying to do a bunch of ridiculous moves at a really fast pace to get an advantage because he’s not as strong as him.

This is on a different note, I was searching around on the net and found that Jello Biafra, the guy who should really be our President said something like wrestling is a symptom of America trash or something like that. Obviously that’s ridiculous but I was wondering why wrestling is still considered trash. Wrestling hasn’t been hardcore ridiculousness since the 90s but it still has that stigma from people who don’t watch it and I don’t know why. I mean WWE is blocking all of their WWF Attitude footage because Linda’s opponent who probably hasn’t watched wrestling ever is using it against her negatively. If wrestling was super boring and no one had any personality, and everything was just guys doing good technical wrestling would people have anything to complain about?

Also, wrestling can be about 99% of in ring actual wrestling and still allow people to have amazing personalities and tell compelling stories. I was in fucking tears at three different times this past weekend, and I didn’t hear anyone say shit except for the time Chuck Taylor called me gay.

Huh, cool. I know you told me you voted for him in of the Raw live chats which kind of suck ass to have a conversation with someone on because there’s so many comments going through. What bothers me is that he said something about how its ridiculous for people to vote in Jesse Ventura because he’s a pro wrestler which is implying that all wrestlers are stupid or whatever which I feel is stereotyping. Still, I do love Jello.

Like, wrestling fans are the worst. I mean, most groups of people greater than 13 (or whatever size we had at Trios, that group was perfect) is probably pretty shitty. But, I get really protective around here when people come in and are all like “BUT CENA SUCKS FOREVER” or whatever bullshit the internet believes.

There are thousands of wrestling websites that people can read and comment on. And 99% of them are the same and just jerk off about how they want a return of the Attitude Era or whatever.

This place is special and different, and not at all representative of wrestling.

I can’t blame Jello, except to say that most Dead Kennedys fans are fucking scum.

I’m not against Punk losing because the ref said “meh, I missed that shit and I just don’t care” but, if the WWE really wanted to make Punk look evil, Punk should have beaten the ever-loving crap out of the referee.

Not even to make Punk look evil, but to keep the theme of “if you disrespect me, I will hurt you” he gave as evidence for kicking Lawler weeks ago. So an old man that bumps into you gets a (shitty) roundhouse to the head, but a referee that screwed up, admits he screwed up, but won’t do anything to correct it just gets berated for a few minutes? Bleh to you, Punk, bleh I say!

How cynical was it for Raw in Connecticut 7 weeks before the election to really pound home the breast cancer awareness thing and make a big deal out of BAStar? It just felt crass and awful and I hate Linda McMahon and would not trust her to wash my car.

Also, everyone has homework and should watch Trios before Brandon’s write up on Friday. Because Trios is magic.

This week, read JSOM while listening to Bowie’s “Life on Mars” – I realize it’s a little on the nose, but still. And by next week, I’ll see if there’s a third Bowie song about space.

Re: Kofi – There’s no bigger “Welp, this isn’t gonna happen” moment in WWE than him clapping for that kick he does, but sweet merciful crap last night was the most hilariously poor attempt ever. He just did the kick 6 feet in front of Kane and landed facing him without ever coming close to actually kicking him.

Also, I’m starting to feel about you Trios people the way I felt about my college friends who came back from a semester overseas. This is 100% jealousy, but if you all start saying cheers or gracias instead of thank you I’m gonna go read PWInsider. I swear.

Brandon, I think you should find a copy of NoC and do a B&W because it really was a great (relatively speaking) PPV, with a couple of exceptions. Of course, I might feel that way because you have to do all the work of writing and I get all the fun of reading.

Also, I wholeheartedly agree that all announcers should be Southerners. For some reason, the accent brings it all together.

D-Bry was on morning radio today in PA and besides being an awesome wrestler he was somewhat out of character and was just a pretty cool all around guy. Talked about not being vegan anymore, stockpiling freeze-dried foods, and dating one of the Brie twins from what I heard.

Important question: How did Sandow not start gagging or dry heaving when he was that close to the meatball sub? I guess either prop sandwich or he had perhaps some lilac oil dabbed under his nose just prior to appearing on camera.

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one yelling “Serena… Luke… BRING ME JARED FROM SUBWAY!” at my tv. Eagerly awaiting KoT but I was glad we had the open thread for those of us who missed awesome.

Great B&WoR this week!! Especially considering the Jet/Car Lag. JBL put over more of the guys these past two days than Cole & Lawler have done… ever. It gave me a chance to Sandow Educate the MR on some old school wrestling references.

“FENG SHUI MORE!”- Ryback, Interior Designer

I cried tears of joy during Jack Swagger of Marth. I’m so worried for our hero!

WHAT HAPPENED TO CHAPTERS 2-29!?
Is the story of JSoM a compilation of old tablets collected from Mars, meaning we have to jump to Chapter 30 for now because our space archaeologists have not recovered & deciphered the other tablets yet?

Brandon, I’m with you on the WWE’s lack of moral code. I’ve been trying to figure out why it bothers me so much because, really, there has to be a personal stake in it for me to care this much.

It reminds me of high school. Cena and Sheamus are the popular jocks or the popular guy who says stupid shit and everyone laughs at and you just don’t get it. They get away with stuff because, hey, people like them! And any time someone points out the stupid, asinine crap they get away with (no lie, one of the players on my HS baseball team parked in the ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL’S parking spot with no repercussions, yes this galls me).

What I don’t get is why the WWE caters to those guys. How many people in the WWE’s audience are actually like that? It’s the anti-be-a-star era.

The only thing I enjoy more than seeing Heath Slater getting beaten by literally every opponent he faces is not seeing Heath Slater at all.

I really like JBL on commentary; he effortlessly slides into the “heel” commentator role and sounds confident and authoritative in everything he says. I know he’s got lots of money to count, or whatever he does these days, but he would be a welcome permanent addition.

Now, I know I’m not the only one whose favorite part of the write-up is becoming the Jack Thwagger Thaga. It’s compelling and well told and I can’t wait to find out how Hunico and Camacho fit into all of this.

A sizable portion of your readers are Republican and Libertarian “right wing nutbags,” myself included, who really don’t want to feel like we’re unwelcome interlopers. I know its an election year, and the snake-dancing crowd are always fair game, but we just want to talk and laugh about wrestling like everyone else. Would you enjoy it if you were reading an article about the Philly Phanatic. You probably wouldn’t care if you knew the author was a Libertarian, but would you like it if the otherwise hilarious author decided to devote a paragraph to how honey-puffed Kashi is really honey-puffed Katsh1t and vegans who eat it are echinococcus granulosus vectors? Yeah, exactly.

It’s not a good feeling to be told you’re not part of intended audience. You know, like whenever Brodus Clay is on RAW dancing with children or Cena writes “JBL IS POOPY” on a car.

Yes, because there is nothing fascist about a modern political movement that wants to give over government services to corporate interests, frame anyone that doesn’t meet their view of “American” as somehow other, continuously wants to bomb the rest of the world, is openly racist and intolerant of Muslims and Mexicans, gets erect over the thoughts of strength and power, and can’t go two sentences without talking about “American Exceptionalism”.

There is literally nothing at all fascist about that. At all.

Outside of just being awful and up their own ass, the 1960s American counter culture movement’s biggest crime was stripping the word “Fascism” of any meaning when it does, in fact, have very specific meanings that we are seeing right now.

Wow, that escalated quickly. For what it’s worth, Fancy, I find it a little disconcerting that an opinion columnist who titles his columns “Best and Worst” makes you feel like an “unwelcome interloper” when he takes a shot at right wingers. From what I’ve been able to see, the only reason for me to read these reports is because:

a) Brandon is a better writer than 90% of the people who talk about wrestling on the internet (myself included) and;

b) Brandon looks at issues from a vantage point that I find weird and fascinating.

I would assume that many people that lean right read the reports. Brandon has written things that I find ridiculous. He’s an opinion columnist and I suspect it’s going to happen again. If I’m really confused, uproxx has a comment button and I can discuss my issues with everyone here. I don’t want Brandon self-censoring because he’s worried about my fragile feelings.

I’m also confused by why theStinger (who makes assume gif’s) thinks his list includes examples of fascism. You don’t like the Republican party and think that fascism is a good insult. For instance, while the government granting private businesses an increased role in the economy may bother you, government’s limiting their control over the services provided in the country is not fascism. Read a book yourself and consider making it a dictionary. Also, thanks again for the gifs.

I can always tell when I’m discussing a topic with a true intellectual giant when s/he sees everything distinctly in black and white, falls back to dependence on loaded terms to try to make a point and calls anyone that questions him/her in any way some form of “stupid”.

TheStinger is nothing more than the liberal equivalent of those on the right who scream “Socialism!” every time the government involves itself in any economic realm, no matter how benign or the precedent for government involvement.

Or he’s doing an incredibly well executed troll job based on overstatement, almost a best and worst on steroids. The WWE is fascist comment (that I missed below) is either the work of an invented character, crazy dog whistle analysis or something else. In any event, it’s entertaining.

So, instead of actually saying where you disagree, you two would rather just jerk each other off? Have fun with that. You guys are not welcome in the family of Wrestling Bros.

And I did not call you stupid because you disagreed with me, I called you stupid because you disagreed in a stupid way. Of course there are other viewpoints than my own that are not fascist. But when actual fascist things are happening, between corporatism to talks of American exceptionalism to scape goating non-whites to a fetish for power and violence, then it is probably a little fascist.

But, yes, if you two want to deal in reality and actually discuss issues instead of attempting to dogpile it would be great. Otherwise you two should probably go play some XBox or ride your bikes or do whatever it is kids do these days.

TheStinger, I’ll be glad to discuss politics in an intelligent way when you show that you are more than a one-trick pony. Your posts on the subject show absolutely no level of nuance or a desire to do more than demonize your opponents. In short, my response was completely at the level which your posts deserve.

And, Brandon, completely no offense intended, but you lose the high ground to call for people to not discuss politics in a wresting column comments section when that very column discusses politics.

I love the way they’re bringing Sandow along, and it’s exactly what they should have done with Del Rio. Sandow comes out, says his piece, then proves himself by beating someone on the lower to midcard range. He’s now firmly in the IC Title picture, which he should win and hold for like 6 months. Then, BAM, he’s ready for the main event and all the fans will buy it because they just saw him kicking ass for 6 months.

Instead, they immediately throw Del Rio into main event matches which he rarely wins and then put him in some half baked feud with Sheamus, who continuously makes him the butt of his jokes because MEXICAN. He should have been snapping half the roster’s arms with the IC Title around his waist for his entire first year in the company. At this point I’m waiting for a flashing ‘THIS GUY IS IMPORTANT’ graphic when he comes to the ring, although I guess that’s what the cars are for.

I feel like everyone knew he was suppose to be a big deal because WWE told everyone he was supposed to be a big deal. But I also think I might just be trying to rationalize why I don’t care about him as much as I should, because he’s good in the ring and I don’t have any major gripes about him. I want to like him, but for some reason I just don’t care.

Brandon, you have always been, and will always be, wrong about Kofi Kingston. You are no more objective about it than I am. If you watched it objectively and think he is a terrible wrestler, I don’t know what to tell you.

Here is a guy in Kofi, who is pretty athletic and doesn’t really put it to good use. He does a huge flying clothesline and a cross body off the top. Fine and well, but I saw Ricky Steamboat do those 30 years ago and do them better. I’m not comparing Kofi to Steamboat, I’m just saying, try to evolve. Kofi is also the guy that SCREAMS out what he is going to do before he does it. “Hey bro, you know I’m about to drop both my legs into your stomach when I get the whole crowd to yell out BOOM BOOM BOOM with me. Also, same thing with my finisher.” It compromises the intelligence of both his opponent and the crowd when all the guy does is lay there waiting for Kofi’s feet to hit him. In the case of his finish, why would you just stand up and feed into him when you can hear him screaming in the corner. You mean to tell me his opponent can’t hear a large man and 10,000 people screaming along in the crowd?

Great read. I want to hold off on your Trios report until I get a chance to watch it, but there’s no way I can keep myself from your writing for that long. Especially since I know most of the Indy guys you are referencing. Can’t wait for Trios and the write-up.

Sooner or later I’m going to write AU Wrestling fan fic and it will be all of you whom will be held responsible. (The absolute horridness of it will make your eyes bleed like outbreak) Also, Solid report as always Brandon of Trios.

I say this every week, but this is great Brandon. Thank you for these awesome articles. To break the spell of repeating myself, I’d like to say that at the top of every comments section is that little banner saying “Hi [profilename], Got something to say?

I read that every time as Dan Castellaneta doing itchy’s voice speaking to poochie. And it makes me smile.

At the Smackdown/ATX taping recently, Sheamus had punked out DelRio by stealing his car and then gets mad when Sheamus calls the cops and has his ass beat by the police state thugs. My rant from the top row of the Frank Erwin: SHOULDN’T HAVE STOLE HIS CAR!

Then, Daniel Bryan is about to tap out Orton when Kane’s music ‘distracts’ him. He gets scared. Whatever. Randy beats him with an RKO. Lame, that’s completely a heel victory.

But then, out of nowhere, HHH comes out and jumps a defeated Daniel Bryan and hits a Pedigree?
A ‘good guy’ jumps a ‘bad guy’ after the bad guy spent almost 15 minutes fighting a dude and the crowd cheers. I let the fans know how stupid they all were.

God, I wish I got those front row tix.

I hate WWE’s version of modern morality. But ‘rasslin’ has always been a reflection of current cultural thought. Perhaps this is an indictment of the ‘entitled, I get what I want no matter what’ mentality youth culture has now?

America is very rapidly becoming a nation of white men who feel alienated from their labor and communities, and who view multiculturalism as an attack on their culture. The blue collar middle class is destroyed and economic anxiety encourages the most ugly and vile tribalism.

The WWE reflects this by having ethnic heels, East Coast intellectual types, and villainous vegans. The WWE is a power fantasy for an increasingly fascist nation that feels insecurity and alienation.

1.) JBL can only stay if he gets himself a less whiny and grating voice! His voice is close to Vickie Guerrero painful, and I’m almost glad I missed Raw now that I know he was there. I saw the (surprisingly decent) divas title match from the ppv thanks to someone’s twitter linkage and I seriously had to pause several times because his voice is just that unbearable to me.

2.) Still don’t get the Kofi hate. You’re going a bit nuts on this, but I’ll agree to disagree for now.

3.) Besides, or perhaps because, Subway has some semblance of redeeming health content, it’s pretty much the only mega-chain fast food-type place I can eat at without feeling disgustingly horrible afterward. Charley’s is the best chain sub joint by light years, but Subway is edible.

4.) Fuck the WWE’s ass-backward moral code and whatever societal excuses that lead to it. Seriously, to hell with this shit.

1) Really? I just hear a slightly more trebly Jesse Ventura when JBL is announcing

2) It’s that Kofi’s offense doesn’t make too much sense in a fake fighting way. For instance, everyone has taunts before their favorite attacks. But it seems everything Kofi does is preceded by an appeal to the crowd. Second, he’s just awkward in the ring. Even his efforts to dump Dat Boy D Bry out of the ring looked like he was about to Press Thesz, and got confused halfway to Bryan and decided “welp, time for a double leg,” and then got confused even further before he remembered that maybe he should just hoist DB over the ropes.

3) Edible should be the baseline for anyone purveying food. If I’m going to pay cash monies, I want my food to taste like something I’d want to eat. Also, I’m certain Brandon is also speaking from a vegan standpoint here, in which case Subway’s food is probably a) scarce and b) even shittier than cheeseless stale nachos.

I’d just like to say that I completely agree about Nexus. Everything about it. Nexus should be the underlying story. That is to say, it should still be the underlying story. Hell, The Rock would have made the ultimate “Bigger Picture.”

But, now, they could be even more evil slash ex-Nexus dudes. Like, they could have the armbands except they’re in varied states of dilapidation. And they mostly act like The Boondocks Saints.

I’m pissed about the pink too, but whatever, at least Sandow finally showed up on RAW again.

“It wasn’t necessarily BAD”?? MizTV was terrible, much like most of the talk show segments, but it was REALLY BAD. I was surprised how much you hated on children internationally but gave Miz blathering about while Booker T tried to get a word in edgewise, and how sad is it if I’m think Booker T should get a chance on the mic? Ryback should have his own interview segment, if only to throw more things at different things.

Sadly, JBL is climbing a mountain in Africa this weekend, according to twitter, so I don’t think he’ll be returning. I’m going to miss him so much.

In regards to the WWE moral code (which I dislike) I think maybe I understand what they think they are doing. By having the “Faces” do horrible unprovoked acts of terribleness to the heels, they are doing to assholes, what EVERY bullied kid wishes they could do to bullies who harass them constantly. They run the Be-A-Star campaign, because they don’t want people to be bullies, and they want people to be proud of who they are. And then all the “good guys” stroll out and kick the ever living shit out of every bad guy as a way of putting assholes in their place, because fuck bullies and quit being a bully bitch face. Even if the heel has yet to do anything other than having a different opinion, by labeling them a heel, everyone is supposed to associate that person as being an awful douchebag bully who makes people feel sad. Therefore, when “faces” come out and do awful things to them, it is giving them what they deserve for being aligned with the bullies and assholes of the world.

For example, Del Rio didn’t steal cars or anything like that. But because he is a heel, he is a bad guy. And people want to see those bad guys get humiliated every day. Because people who get bullied get humiliated every day, and they want some payback. So when Sheamus takes Del Rio’s car, its like getting back at the prick who stole your marker and drew dicks on your notebook. Del Rio didn’t draw dicks on Sheamus’s notebook, but by being a heel he is associated with people that do draw dicks on people’s notebooks.

Ziggler used to wear a pink shirt, and unprovoked and like a 5year old, Jericho implies Ziggy of containing a butt load of gayness, even though Jericho wears a light up jacket. This represents a kid getting made fun of for his pokemon shirt, and wishing he could tell the bully, “FUCK YOU, YOU’RE A HOMO WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM!”

And the examples go on and on and on.

I of course disagree with this logic, because then you are telling your audience that if someone is an asshole, be worse than them and assault them. Instead, they should go back to the old method of having the heels be super awful and steal cars and use gay jokes, and have the faces win clean fights and take the high road regardless of the situation. Because thats what good guys should do and promote to kids. “HEY KID! DON’T FEEL SAD! JUST KEEP BEING YOU, AND YOU WILL WIN IN TIME, AND ALL WILL WORK OUT!”

Sadly, the WWE won’t do this, because it will mean every Raw will consist of good guys getting beat down, leading to kids feeling like bullying never gets resolved and feeling sad.

So instead of constant heel behavior, and faces surprising everyone by overcoming at ppvs and select Raws, we get faces constantly beating on bad guys who basically have a difference of opinion, with the heels occasionally overcoming good at ppvs and select Raws.

“It’s the world we live in! God help us all!” – Remember the Titans

This realization helps me sleep at night, and convinces me that the WWE does care about bullied kids, and wants them to feel like bullies always get what is coming to them. While they are going about it the wrong way, I can at least understand.

I’m several days late to the party, but I agree with your assessment. I don’t know if WWE is putting that much thought into it, but it makes sense. It’s also a case of: they want their audience– bullying victims or not– to always be happy.
So instead of the old days when the Horsemen got the better of Dusty for weeks (months?) at a time, and *finally* got what they had coming in the end; it’s just the feel-good scenario of “the good guys always win!”