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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thankful For The Journey

I don't want to jinx it but the weigh in this week should put me at my lowest weight since I first began this journey to take off 200 lbs on Thursday, June 18th, 2008.

There have been some ups and downs.

There has some weight lost and regained more than a few times.

There have been some changes both large and small.

There have been some moments of revelation.

Yet most of all this journey has been one of discovery. Back when I had given up all hope of ever being thin and never knowing that I could lose the weight, I knew that there was this woman inside me screaming to get out. She had a voice but no one could hear her under the layers of fat and self-loathing. The shell that she existed in was her prison that stifled everything that she was or what she longed to become.

It hasn't been an easy trip this journey of mine. Discovering exactly who and what you are is a painful process when you are buried under mounds of once protective fat that has long since caved in on you. It is a process of peeling back the damaged layers to reveal the flesh beneath that is throbbing and crying out against the chill of the fresh air. The newness of it all is frightening. You walk through each day unsure of how to proceed because you've sat in one spot for so long. The path beneath your feet is so odd and alien. Even the most simple of things feels like a monumental undertaking. But you do it. You've got no choice. This is what you dreamed of - having a chance to live your life instead of watching it pass you by. So, you deal. You work it out one step at a time. You are thankful for each of those steps because they have all taught you something along the way.

You learned that there is nothing that you cannot accomplish after moving the immovable mountain.

You learned that you have more confidence and belief in yourself that you ever realized.

You learned that there are many people that will stop and cheer you along the way.

You learned that with small change there can be big change. The immovable mountain does not have to be moved all at once. You can carry one grain of sand, one pebble, one rock, one boulder at a time in whatever weight you can manage at that point in time. Eventually that mountain gets moved.

You learn that just because your heart gets broken, that you don't get broken. You learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and press on. The journey must be completed.

You learn that 2 lbs lost a week is better than 7 lbs lost if you eat a balanced diet and not attempt to play tricks with the scale.

You learn that as you take this journey that you want to bring other people with you. You want to help them walk that same road because you know what is at the end of it. You don't want anyone to feel as hopeless as you once did because there is an answer.

In the end, you find you. You find the real you. And that makes the entire journey worthwhile.