IF THE banning of biros seems a bit harsh, it is all part of the wondrous, strange and often arcane rules governing life inside the Palace of Westminster.

IF THE banning of biros seems a bit harsh, it is all part of the wondrous, strange and often arcane rules governing life inside the Palace of Westminster.

With many of its rules dating back hundreds of years, there are customs and practices living on in the Houses of Commons that exist nowhere else.

As you would expect, dress codes within the Chamber demand women MPs are smartly turned out while male MPs wear a jacket and tie. But what you would not expect to see in the Members' cloakroom is a length of red ribbon on every peg - designed for MPs to hang their swords.

This prompted one wry new Member to note, "Great, isn't it? I have a place to hang my sword, but no blooming office."

The recognition that MPs can carry swords lives on in the Chamber, and explains why MPs have to pray every morning standing up, with their backs to each other - because the benches cannot accommodate kneeling and sword-bearing MPs.

The Government of the day and the opposition parties are separated by two red lines which are two sword-lengths apart. It remains as a symbol that, in the Commons, battles are carried out with words, not with weapons.

The rules bible of Parliament, Erskine May, advises that "good temper and moderation" are the "characteristics of parliamentary language". That might come as a shock to anyone who has watched Prime Minister's Question Time but, even in the 21st Century, you will never hear one MP accuse another of being a liar or drunk - well, not in the Chamber anyway.

The sittings begin every morning with the Speakers Procession. Like a mini re-run of The Day the Earth Stood Still, everything and everyone stops for this ritual and the duty inspector of the police shouts, "Hats off, Strangers" so visitors can show due respect. Modern dress means that Strangers, or visitors, rarely have to comply, so it is left to the police to carry on this tradition.

Contrary to popular belief, the Chamber can still sit in private, and a motion enabling MPs to be able to carry out this rare function is sparked by the call, "I spy Strangers".

While every evening, to mark the end of debate, an MP will shout, "Who goes home?"

With the odd exception of an errant mouse or rat, the only animals allowed into the Chamber during sittings are guide dogs - despite the popular myth that King Charles Spaniels are also given freedom to roam the floor of the House.

Smoking has been banned in the Chamber since 1693 but the provision of snuff, at taxpayers' expense, is still found at the Doorkeepers' Box at the entrance to the Chamber.

But some of the rules and regulations are welcomed, even by 21st Century MPs: The alcohol is cheap, there are no licensing laws and, at the end of the evening, tired and emotional MPs have the right to leap to the front of the taxi queue. NOT THE RIGHT STUFF: Conservative MP Nigel Evans at the House of Commons showing pens he has been told to stop giving out Picture: Lindsey Parnaby