Namaste: Hot Yoga for Newbies

I know I promised another Quick Calorie Reference today but instead I’m writing about hot yoga. Calories will come tomorrow! So why do I feel qualified to write this post? Well, I finished my first Red Hot Yoga class a little over an hour ago so that definitely qualifies me as a newbie.

I got my ClassPass that I mentioned yesterday, and I was so excited I had to sign up for a class tonight. There was a Red Hot Yoga class near me so I reserved my spot! I don’t do yoga…in fact the only yoga class I’ve ever taken, I was thrown out of for having a case of the giggles.

I had SO much anxiety today before going. (Which should tell you right there that I am the worst person to be attempting yoga.) I’m so type A. I had every terrible thought in the book. What if I pass out? What if I throw up? What if I fall on my head. What if I die?

Just watch the first six seconds.

I did not pass out, throw up, fall on my head, or die, but I DID come up with a list of things that I wish I knew before I went.

#1. It is HOT. Like hotter than I imagined. I walked into studio and said “oh this isn’t so bad” to which the instructor replied, “Sweetheart, this is the lobby.” Strike one. Go Hel.

#2 The closer you are to the heater, the hotter it is. This one I did actually know, but only because my instructor told me when I got there. Typically the heater is on one side of the room or the other, so if you are as concerned about dying as I was, pick a spot on the opposite side. Also, bring two towels. One for your mat and one to dry yourself.

#3 The ceiling fans are just for show. I think it’s a mental game, because they did not turn them on once.

#4 The men do not wear clothes. Every man in my yoga class was in a banana hammock. They also take their breathing very seriously and they are very loud. DO NOT laugh or you will receive the stink eye from your instructor. Strike two. Whoops.

#5 Along those lines, yoga is not the place for people watching. If you attempt to watch the people around you, your instructor will come and whisper to you about focusing on your own breath/poses/etc. If she has to do it more than once, she will get huffy. Strike three, four, five, and six.

#6 Start drinking water 24 hours in advance because you sweat like crazy, and since you’re full of water, use the bathroom before you go in the room. Once you enter, THEY LOCK YOU IN! I am not kidding about this, and it did not help my anxiety. These classes are an hour and a half. GO PEE.

#7 Bring Chapstick. With it being so cold outside and so hot in the studio, you get a little thermal body shock going on. I got over that pretty quickly, but the chapped lips are about to kill me.

#8 Take a hot minute (pun intended) to regroup at the studio before you drive. You will be lightheaded, and it’s very possible you will drive right past your apartment. No? Just me?

#9 Embracing the hippie stuff will make it more enjoyable. I do not speak yogini so I had a hard time a) following along and b) concentrating. However, I finally got into it when we finished the class with some word that sounds like Sha-pasta and you get to lie on your mat in the dark. I was superrrrr relaxed and it really brought the hot mess (pun intended again) full circle for me.

#10 Don’t hurt yourself. Sometimes your body just doesn’t bend that way, you know? Go at your own pace and modify. People aren’t supposed to be watching you anyway. Do your thing girl.

Have you ever done hot yoga? Do you have any other tips for me for next time?

Hot Yoga is definitely an experience. The last time I went I thought I would be okay if I just chugged a water bottle before hand. I definitely lost sensation in the tips of my fingers and got sent out by the instructor because I had severe dehydration. Whoops! But great tips for other newbies.