For anyone who can't be bothered watching a new show to find out whether it's any good. Our team of writers review and recap the anime you've missed or should miss, bringing to your attention the best and worst anime.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Elfen Lied: Episode 2

Near the beach, in a storage/shanty town, a homeless girl tells her puppy that she's hungry. Above, SAT team leader informs his troops that, "the target is assumed to have an unidentified weapon with a range covering a two-meter radius." Which we all know doesn't mean much. Team leader prattles on, but Bando is already bored. While still in flight, he opens the back door, and demands to be let off right away.

At the shore line, Nyuu digs and digs, looking for that shell. All she finds, though, is this episode's title card:

Back home, Kouta remembers what we learned last time, but he learned, maybe, five seconds ago; Nyuu is looking for another shell. Before he can run after Nyuu and/or his cousin, two police officers come to the door. They're looking for a 'missing girl' and are brandishing a photo of Lucy. Instead of turning her in, Kouta waits for the cops to leave, then heads out in the rain with a girly umbrella. I know she's cute, and he found her, which apparently makes her his, but when the cops come with a scary picture of your new girlfriend, you might want to ask a few questions. I suggest preparing a list in advance. I keep mine in my pocket at all times.

Bando and Satou, his teammate, patrol the beach in full riot gear. Satou talks a lot, which Bando doesn't like. So, he turns his gun on his little friend and threatens. 'Bad guy.' Before Bando can pull the trigger, Satou points out Lucy, who is still Nyuu, a little ways down the beach. Just before they can reach her, Nyuu finds something in the sand and holds it to her chest, very proud of herself. Aww. Luckily, Kouta gets to Nyuu first and tries to help her to her feet. 'Cause women in the rain have trouble with that, I guess. For his trouble, Kouta gets a rifle butt to the head, and falls over. Bando wants to shoot Kouta for being witness to all the fun ('bad guy'), but Satou stutters that they 'didn't get that order.' So, after an attempt to flee with Nyuu, it's another hit to the gut for Kouta. That's why, no matter how tempting, I never bring home random, naked women with horns, no memories, and a one word vocabulary. Always trouble.

Yuka arrives to the beach to find only Kouta, laying in the sand, barely conscious. He's taken away in an ambulance, and Nyuu is carried away by Bando. Satou wants to call headquarters and be all official, but Bando doesn't like that. So, when he tries his radio, Bando hits him in the head with his gun. Bad... meh, you get it. After smacking her to the ground and threatening her some more, Bando finally gives her a good hard smack, slamming her head into a wooden plank. And if the Flintstones have taught us anything, it's that if a hit to the head can cause brain-damage, it sure as hell can cure it. So, when Satou closes in to finish the job Bando is suddenly too bored to do, Lucy returns and puts a foot wide hole in his torso. Somewhere, a puppy whimpers.

Bando opens fire on Lucy, who deflects the bullets with her unseen force, which turns out to be four invisible hands. Ducking behind some barrels, Bando waits as Lucy tosses random debris at him. She quickly gets bored of that, and picks up a boat. Bitch is strong. Bando thinks he's figured out Lucy's throwing shit maneuver, and jumps up, gun poised. However, he forgets that she can also use regular weapons. When his eyes reach Lucy, she's holding Satou's rifle, and fires off a few rounds.

Lucy is suddenly standing over the injured Bando, taunting him in a calm, collected voice. She rips off one arm. She breaks another. Bando makes the all-too-common mistake of telling his evil enemy that he'll 'never forget that face.' Prompt one inviso-hand with two inviso-fingers in Bando's eyes. She goes in for the kill, deciding to strangle him instead of ripping him apart or putting holes in him. Before she can get the job done, she realizes she's holding something; the shell. Seeing it causes her to have a migraine, then revert to Nyuu, who freaks out and runs away.

Homeless girl comes across the umbrella Kouta was carrying, which leads her to the wounded Bando. She ties off his wounds, since all homeless nine-year-olds have taken first aid classes, and runs off to call for help, puppy in tow.

At the hospital, Kouta is recovering from the night's beating with Yuka at his side. The cops from earlier enter and ask her to leave so they can ask Kouta some questions. He tells them of a soldier with a machine gun, which they basically shrug off. He mentions Nyuu, and they suspect that she's the girl they're both looking for. Kouta, thinking fast... ish, tells them that Nyuu is a girl with short hair and a bit overweight. The cops promptly leave. Like, immediately. Good work, fella's.

When Kouta returns home, Nyuu is waiting for him. She presents him with the shell she found, looking just like the one she broke. All is well, again. I'd 'aww' again, but really I just want more naked-violence. In a taxi, Yuka flashbacks about the last time she saw Kouta before he arrived today. She snaps back to the present and then remembers she has a key to the house and has to go back. Inside the house, Kouta gives a quick speech about how he'll never give Nyuu to 'them,' meaning the police or the military. Then he gets her out of her clothes, 'cause they're wet and she'll catch cold, of course. Eyes closed, he successfully gets her shirt off, and sort of gets a dry one on her. As he's taking off her shorts, Yuka walks in. The studio audience laughs until it wets itself.

Back at the detention center, Mr. Glasses walks his assistant to room 7, where they house Number 7, Nana. A young girl, with short pink hair and horns. Oh, she's also chained to a wall with a number of dents in it, covered in blood, and naked. She's how they plan to get Lucy back. We zoom in as Nana looks up to where Mr. Glasses just walked in, and whispers, "Papa..." *sniff*