Wingnuts Make 2013 Predictions

The wingnuts didn’t do so well on their 2012 predictions, so let’s see how they do for 2013. Kevin Swanson and Dave Buehner of Generations Radio offered up some amusing prophecies for the coming year, including the Presbyterian church merging with Islam:

Swanson: There will be a merger of PCUSA [Presbyterian Church (USA)], a liberal Christian organization, denomination, there will be a merger of PCUSA and a Muslim sect to form the first Mustererian denomination. How do you say that? Musterian denomination.

Buenher: Chrislam.

Swanson: So the Muslims and the liberal Presbyterians get together to form Chrislam. There’s just synthesis going on, so I’m just waiting for that mix. Now, chances are Dave, that at the end of the day they’re all Muslims anyway.

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

Doug Little

Can I get in on that action? I’ll put up everything I have.

fastlane

Any amount, and I’ll give ’em any odds they want! Do they take Paypal?

Didaktylos

What’s far more likely is a merger between Southern Baptists and Shiites – new denomination to be called Homophobic Misogynists R US …

http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

Wake me up when the Zen Sufis start their wanderings.

http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

Zen Sunni, sorry.

http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

The stupid; it doesn’t burn, it incinerates! Like the heat of a billion stars.

Now if they had said the Unitarian Church, or maybe Episcopalians I could maybe see it. Because Unitarians are all devil-worshipers, or something, just like the Islamists and some of the Episcopal churches do icky gay marriages. And we all know how swimmingly gay people and Muslims get on.

davidct

This is an example of what happens when you add a small amount of “Red matter” into a wingnut brain. You get intellectual implosion and a spreading vacuum.

http://dododreams.blogspot.com/ John Pieret

“Mustererians”?

Will they then merge with Grey Poupon to form the Dijon Musterians?

matty1

I’m sure Mustererian Crislam was a character in Star Wars.

http://rationaldreaming.com tacitus

Isn’t the human brain remarkable? It’s amazing how some people can believe such arrant nonsense and yet are still able to operate as functional human beings in the rest of the lives…

John Hinkle

I kind of envy Buenher and Swanson, apparently being naturally and perpetually high.

raven

at the end of the day they’re all Muslims anyway.

That is a new one for their To Hate list. Presbyterians. And no, they aren’t Moslems.

The fundie xians own the dark side of our society.

yet are still able to operate as functional human beings in the rest of the lives…

Don’t bet on that. Fundies score low in intelligence, education, and socioeconomic levels. In some parts of fundie-land, the average lifespan of whites is dropping and quite rapidly.

baal

Excuse me, I’ll be off practicing my prana bindu in light of the coming syncretism.

For the folks who might agree with Swanson and Bruener (one or two must exist right?), secularism ensures your favorite religion won’t be overrun or forced to merge with the one that captures the government. In other words, when the muslims set up the caliphate in the US, you’ll get to keep your version of christianity if only you fight hard enough for secularism (gov / church separation) now.

dugglebogey

Bigots would always see them the same way. Just like if a person’s parents are one white and one black person that person counts ONLY as a black person, a religion that’s half xtian and half islam would count as 100% muslim. Only purity counts.

lldayo

Wow! My conservative, Presbyterian, right-leaning wife will be surprised to hear this! I didn’t know I was having relations with a Muslim. Does this make our kids half Muslim, half infidel and half fundie? What about our cats?

http://www.facebook.com/elysebhart elysehart

Muslim in this case meaning “person I don’t like.”

busterggi

Nothing new here – I heard an interview some years ago on a fundie radio station about how outraged a Southern Baptist was that some of his fellows were talking with Presbyterians, Lutherans and even, horror!, a Roman Catholic.

To the most extreme fundies everyone else is too different to be allowed personhood.

Doug Little

What’s far more likely is a merger between Southern Baptists and Shiites – new denomination to be called Homophobic Misogynists R US

Do these fucktarded shitstains even understand that words have meanings? I swear, they just have a big category of, “Things that I hate!!!” Since everything on the list shares one important quality, that they hate it with every fiber of their being, then it must share all other qualities with everything else on the list. Muslims, Gays, Atheists, Liberals, Catholics, Furriners, Ni**ers, Mexicans, College Professors, Jews, non-Real ‘Murrikans, Women, Babies older than Fetuses, Hollywood, People who go to that other church down the street that does everything the same as us, except for this one thing… Since they’re all on the Hate List, the terms can be used interchangeably on any occasion.

kermit.

As a former Southern Baptist child I sometimes joke about the heathen Presbyterians. I remember the occasional comment to the effect that they weren’t really trying, they were “Christian lite”, so to speak. But this… really?

.

Sigh.

.

Of course for the Fundie mind this make sense. Christians Lite, atheists, gays, Muslims, are all evil – they reject the one true loving god. We’re all doing it because we hate Jesus and want to have the forbidden love* without guilt, So naturally we were united in bringing about the downfall of True Christians, the Southern Baptists. And maybe the Pentecostals, I’m not sure, I haven’t been to church in half a century.

.

* Meaning, or course, whatever the Fundie in question does on Saturday nights and subsequently feels guilty about.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

kermit.“So naturally we were united in bringing about the downfall of True Christians, the Southern Baptists. And maybe the Pentecostals, I’m not sure, I haven’t been to church in half a century.”

I’d say. Your references are out of date. After splitting over massively inconsequential doctrinal conflicts, there is also the Southerner Baptists and the Pente(plus one)costals. The first is really independent and really authoritarian (relying on individual spirit and bowing and praying five times a day to the not-Pope) and the latter sits in their seats while spinning around and speaking gobbledegook (it’s more comfortable, you see, and old white people aren’t as spry as they were before they were old).

http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

…the first Mustererian denomination.

Man, I used to love that show. Though I could never understand how Frankenstein and a vampire ended up with a werewolf for a kid.

iangould

It’s obviously intended as a joke not a literal prophecy.

Kind of like if I were to write “Swanson and Buehner will be fucking like a pair of bonoboes.”

Except that one has more likelihood of actually happening.

caseloweraz

I may cry 96 Tears over this attempt to hijack the name of the 1957 movie The Mysterians and make it sound like a bad thing.

Seriously, though, Musterians is already taken. It refers to the Neandertaler culture that produced the tools found at Ein Avdat, made there some 80,000 years BCE.

vmanis1

Mousketeers?

Azkyroth, Former Growing Toaster Oven

It’s obviously intended as a joke

Not this shit again.

dingojack

iangould – You’re saying the “* not intended as a factual statement” tag has been sheared off? Really?

Dingo

bradleybetts

“…at the end of the day they’re all Muslims anyway.”

Pffffff BahahahahahahahaHA!

Is there no end to these peoples’ stupidity? Or indeed their capacity to amuse and exasperate me all at the same time?

uzza

— Mustererians , man. You know, the Mustererians, man?

–Oh, yeah, man. I played with those dudes, man.

–WHAT?

–Yeah, last year at the Philmore, man. Me and the base player sat in, man.

–Oh, hey, man, you think Mustererians are a group, huh? No, it’s not a

Group, man.

–What? They break up, man?

–No, man. It’s one guy, man. Y’know, from a red state, man, with

a white padded suit…you know the guy, man.

–Oh, yeah…he’s with Motown, ain’t he? Yeah, I played with that dude,

Too, man.

–No, no, hold on, man. He’s not with Motown, man.

–Well, then he’s with Buddha, man.

–Aw, man, you don’t know who Mustererians are , man!

–Yeah, well, I’m not from here, man. Like, I’m from Pittsburgh, man. I

Don’t know to many local dudes

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About the Author

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. Read More...