Sunday, November 25, 2012

It's hard to believe you've been our little buddy for a month now. It feels like you've been here for about 5 minutes, which makes my momma heart sad, because in about 5 more minutes you'll be one year old! Slow it down little buddy!

You really are a good boy. You like your sleep and can sleep through almost anything! I'm really hoping this continues and isn't just a newborn phase. The last few nights, you've had some 5 hour sleep stretches, but usually only go 4 hours. During the day you eat every 3 hours and are pretty content between feedings, with the exception of the 7pm-10pm stretch. This definitely seems to be your fussy period.

You've taken to nursing like a little champion and we haven't really had any feeding problems with one exception: you are a puker! At least once or twice a day, you'll spit up what appears to be entire feedings. Determining which feedings result in a spit up bath is like playing russian roulette, so you're always within a short distance of a towel. Theres usually always a load of towels in the wash as well. But as of your last appointment, you're gaining lots of weight and not terribly fussy, so no reflux meds for now. Just lots and lots of laundry.

In honor of your 1 month old status, we all took our first trip to church this morning! I greatly appreciate that you were quite the little trooper and didn't make a peep the entire time. You didn't spit up either! Talk about a win-win!!!

We'll see Dr. Canales on Tuesday and get your official 1 month weight and length. Two weeks ago you were 9lbs and 10oz, so I'm thinking you'll have easily surpassed the 10 pound mark. You're wearing 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers! My big boy!!

Update: You weigh 10lbs and 15oz!! You are 22.25in long! Wooowee!!

We love you so very much Isaac! You have brought such indescribable joy to my life - never would I have imagined loving a pooping, puking, crying little ball of dark hair and chub chub so SO much. You are my little treasure.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Each day the Raising Godly children blog posts on all sorts of topics related to children -duh- and also marriage (the 31 days of praying for your husband post is what initially drew me to the blog!) and is truly a wealth of Biblical-based knowledge and advice. I have been following the Raising Godly Children blog for sometime now and connected with today's post in a profound way. I thought I'd share what was posted, so check it out and go pay RGC a visit soon!

The Truth about Pain in Childbearing

It's that day again---the photos are everywhere on Facebook and Twitter: scrubbed faces, neatly trimmed hair, un-scuffed shoes, and bulging backpacks all heading out the door. The faces in the photos are all smiles---it's behind the camera where the tears usually spring up, as mothers everywhere faithfully create a steady record of that bittersweet morning when the kids return to school.

Jewish rabbis taught that pregnancy is a mother's most blessed season. During pregnancy she could know with certainty that her child was safe, warm, nourished, and near---a certainty that would vanish as soon as the child entered the outside world. With a measured inhale, a steady exhale, and a mighty push, she would irreversibly move her child from safety and provision to separation and uncertainty.

The rabbis may not have been far off the mark. Birth is euphoria tinged with the ache of separation, the loss of a kindred closeness. It feels a little like a betrayal of a trust, thrusting a tiny person from a place of relative self-sufficiency to a place of complete dependence. It is undeniably natural and necessary (I'm glad my 15-year-old is not still in utero); nevertheless, we are stunned by the pain it involves and astonished at the amount of adjusting to come to grips with our new reality as a mother.

As the years unfold we begin to understand that we have been introduced to the great truth of pain in childbearing, a pain we naively believed would be confined to labor and delivery, but that visits us at every transition we nurture our children toward: the measured inhale, the steady exhale, the mighty push. And separation. Preschool. Kindergarten. Middle school. High school. College. Career. Marriage. With a familiar aching euphoria, we push them out---from safety and provision to separation and uncertainty. It feels like they would be safer just staying with us, as if safety were the greatest gift we could give them.

Somehow, this painful separation process is for our sanctification as mothers. For years I was not sure what the Bible meant that women would be saved through childbearing, but it grows clearer to me now. I once thought it referred only to giving birth, but its meaning encompasses the span of motherhood. Children are born in an instant, but they are borne across a lifetime. Childbearing saves me because it faithfully (albeit painfully) reminds me over and again that I am weak. It reminds me that I am not self-sufficient, that I do not have what it takes to preserve and protect my children, but that my heavenly Father does. It saves me from the belief that I am God.

Motherhood teaches women the imagery and language of the gospel on an intensely personal level. How appropriate the intertwined imagery of childbirth and the Cross: the necessary spilling of blood for the commencement of life, great loss holding hands with great gain. How appropriate the intertwined language of motherhood and the Great Commission: at the threshold of an unkind world we smile bravely at our children and say "go," though our hearts may whisper "stay" as the door closes behind them.

My maternal feelings mislead me. There is no betrayal of a child's trust in sending him out into uncertainty: there is only opportunity to further teach him the one worthy Object of his trust---and to learn the lesson again for myself. To paraphrase a favorite author, I cannot raise my children to be safe, but I can raise them to be strong.

So on such days of transition, I will steady myself to take those precious photos and send those precious children out. Inhale. Exhale. Push. And it will hurt the way great loss holding hands with great gain tends to do. I may cry for a little while after they go, but I will also give thanks for God's faithfulness---faithfulness in turning the pain of childbearing from a curse to a means of grace. Only he can do that. He can be trusted, and he alone.

Jen Wilkin is a wife, mom to four great kids, and an advocate for women to love God with their minds through the faithful study of his Word. She writes, speaks, and teaches women the Bible. She lives in Flower Mound, Texas, and her family calls The Village Church home. You can find her at jenwilkin.blogspot.com.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Our world contains a menagerie of emotions these days. Learning how to do life with a baby is both exhausting and endlessly joyful. Being both flexible and patient. Realizing what is important and what can be laughed off at the end of the day. Figuring out how to change a boy diaper without getting christened. Add in crazy mom hormones and you've got a great recipe for potential meltdowns. My incredible husband has both put up with my weepy tendencies AND helped out around the house AND changed yucky diapers AND loved all over our little Isaac. My heart is so very full.

One thing is for certain -- my refrigerator (and subsequently, my tummy!) has never been so full. Jordan and I are so SO thankful for the people who have cooked meals for us each and every night since this little bundle was born. A girl could get used to this! I am humbled by the outpouring of love that we have received and can't say "thank you" enough.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

So when we left off, I was getting frustrated and had made very little progress. I had forgotten to mention in the last post (See? Already forgetting things) about how hungry I was! I was a bad patient, (don't be like me), and had eaten some breakfast before coming in at 5:30 because I knew it'd be a while before I got to eat again. Well apparently, my apple and Spark was just enough to rev up my metabolism and my body chewed through that in about 45 minutes. From that point on, I was absolutely ravenous! Thankfully, Dr. Canterbury lets her patients have popsicles during labor, and I literally went through every flavor in the freezer and multiple cups of ice chips.

But enough about being hungry, lets get back to Isaac.

I had kicked my family out of the room and had a little pity party as I was coming to the realization that I may not get the "dream delivery" that I was hoping for. I was running very low on patience, was tired and hungry. I began mentally preparing myself for a possible c-section and kept reminding myself over and over again that at the end of the day, ideal delivery or not, our baby would be here. I spent some time in prayer, thanking the Lord for his unending faithfulness to me during this pregnancy. He had graciously granted my every desire for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby and allowed me to be surrounded by sweet friends and loved ones on the day of this baby's birth. I knew that his loving faithfulness was not gone from the situation and asked for renewed faith in His plan.

A short while later, Dr. Canterbury came back around and checked my cervix once again. I was now 6.5 cm dilated. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I can't be sure, but I don't think that baby boy had dropped any at this point. I was still unhappy and frustrated at my minimal progress. We were doing everything imaginable to make progress happen and progress was being evasive. Carin was helping me reposition routinely, the pitocin was cranking out, and we were still waiting. On top of that, I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. It was easily tolerable, and I didn't want to be any more numb than I already was, so for the most part, I just stuck it out.

A little bit after we learned I was 6.5 cm, I sent Jordan out to hang out with the family in the waiting room. I wasn't interested in having visitors, but I knew he probably needed a break. A few minutes shy of 6pm, Dr. Canterbury came through once again to see how things were going. She checked my cervix and a big smile spread across her face and she excitedly announced that I was an anterior lip (like 9.5cm!!!!) and the baby was very low! Relief washed over me and I let out a few weepy laughs. With just a few good laughs and sniffles and some manual manipulation by Dr. Canterbury, I was 10cm and ready to push! Carin was a ball of energy, getting the room prepped for delivery and calling in a special friend/nursery nurse to attend to my little one. Jordan was summoned and I think just as relieved to hear the good news as I was. I let our family come in for a minute for hugs and well wishes and then got to work.

I still was a little uncomfortable with my contractions and could feel a little baby pressure, but could also feel baby bottom and legs up in my ribs. How in the world was this baby so "low" and yet still making me feel like I couldn't breathe?! This was especially frustrating when I began pushing and felt more like hurling than anything else. But with the help of Carin and Jordan, I hoisted my dead legs back and started pushing with all my might. It was a little past 6pm and it was go time. After a few pushes, Carin announced that this baby had some dark hair. After a few more pushes, she tells me that I'm getting pretty close. I still felt like barfing with every push and spent my time between pushes trying to keep my popsicles down. We discussed pushing only twice (instead of 3 pushes) with each contraction to try to keep my nausea in check. Well that would've been a great idea if I'd actually gotten a chance to implement it, but with the next push, Carin called for the delivery team!

My legs were in stirrups, and the spotlights were on, and the team was in place. It was time to meet our baby and finally know if baby M is a boy or a girl. I only pushed a couple more times and heard Dr. Canterbury say, "Open your eyes and look at your baby!"

And like that HE was here! Our perfect boy.

The very first thing I said (before we caught a glimpse of those boy parts) was "Oh my gosh, you are huge!" Little did I know how huge he actually was!

To say that I was completely and entirely shocked that this child that I just pushed out (in 35 minutes!) was NINE POUNDS & SIX OUNCES would be an understatement. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed that this boy would be such a bruiser! I guess I feel a little vindicated for that whiny post a few weeks back! And no wonder he still felt so high -- He was 22 inches long! It's totally obvious now why the labor took a little longer than I was anticipating, although in hindsight, I realize it didn't take nearly as long as it felt like at the time. Crazy kid.

A little father-son bonding time

And just like that, we became a trio. We were completely smitten with our big boy. Even though both Jordan and I were anticipating that this baby was going to be a girl, almost instantly, I couldn't imagine having anything but our sweet guy to snuggle.

One of the very first to learn of this pregnancy, Dr. Canterbury has been apart of this baby's life from the very beginning! I wouldn't have wanted anyone else by my side on this special day.

My amazing friend and labor nurse Carin who has been praying for this baby from the very beginning. She was at the hospital at 5am, stayed until almost 8pm and never faltered. She will always have a special place in my heart.

So, after all that worrying and anxiety, I truly got the "dream delivery" I had envisioned for 9 months. From being delivered by my own doctor all the way to having a great IV in the ideal spot, everything was absolutely perfect. My coworkers were amazing and gave the 3 of us the royal treatment. I even got to stay in labor & delivery for the duration of my stay (we left Friday night), where I felt most comfortable. I couldn't be more thankful to everyone who was apart of our special day. We had several people come in from home on their day off just to be there for us, and for that, I am so very grateful. And most importantly, I am reminded of and humbled by the Lord's faithfulness to our family. Blessed with a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby, and beautiful delivery, the Lord has certainly shown us His great love and grace.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

My sweet boy is a week old today! That just completely blows my mind!!! Each day that goes by, my brain shrinks a little more and a little more, so I want to get my birth story down before it gets all muddled and weird. Thank goodness that with each day that goes by, my heart grows by leaps and bounds. I just love this little guy.

When I envisioned my "ideal" delivery day, it came with so many special people and so many variables, that I was certain that it wouldn't actually come true. Of course, I wanted my doctor to deliver me. And being that I work in L&D, I had a labor nurse, charge nurse, nursery nurse, and anesthetist that I really wanted. I wanted to bring snacks and goodies for the unit. I wanted my baby to be bathed at the bedside and stay with me, and I wanted to stay in the labor unit for the duration of my admission. Most of all, I wanted a vaginal delivery with that super special moment where we finally learned whether this baby was a boy or a girl. So many ideals. I was certain I had set myself up for failure-- I mean, the nurse curse is real and I was waiting for the hammer to drop. Are you tired of hearing this yet? I mean, lets get to the question everyone wants to know: How'd you get that big boy out? Lets start from the beginning....

Room 281 - It's showtime!

First off, I was induced. We had lots of reasons for choosing this route and that's that. So we arrived at the hospital at an early 5:30 am, where my dear friend/labor nurse Carin was waiting for us. We did all the admit nonsense: paperwork, consent forms, lab work and an IV. I was already contracting some and the baby looked perfectly healthy on the monitor, so at about 6:30am or so, my pitocin was started. This all sounds pretty routine, but I was a nervous wreck. I was not happy being on "the other side." I kept telling Carin to ignore my elevated blood pressures, as I was sure they were high because I just couldn't relax.

The contractions came and they really weren't as bad as I anticipated. Carin let me be up and moving around the room, which certainly helped, but even when I was in the bed, all I felt was pressure with them. So far, so good.

Our last photo as a family of two!

Dr. Canterbury dropped in around 10 that morning and checked my cervix and broke my water. I was 4cm dilated and doing just fine. I told her to ignore my elevated blood pressures also, but she didn't listen to me and when she saw my swollen ankles (I'd gained 6lbs in a week! After not gaining any weight since 28 weeks!! Maybe there was something going on...), she ordered some additional lab work to check for Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. In the meantime, I was still pretty comfortable. I was contracting regularly, but even with my water broken, all I felt was pressure. I continued to move around the room but was also fine sitting in bed. I had really imagined the contractions to be much more painful than they ended up being. My PIH lab work came back a little wonky and Dr. Canterbury suggested I go ahead and get an epidural to help keep my blood pressures a little lower. I still like to think everything was purely anxiety induced, but on paper, I definitely met all the PIH qualifications. So I guess it's a pretty good thing we were there to have a baby before I got any sicker.

Carin called anesthesia for my epidural to be placed and my "favorite" CRNA came in from home to get me all set up. By this point in time I was 5cm dilated and it was around noon. Again, I was anticipating the epidural to be somewhat uncomfortable, but honestly, I hardly felt anything and was completely shocked when Dirk told me he was all finished. I definitely wanted an epidural for labor and wouldn't change my mind now, but definitely didn't like the creepy crawly heavy leg feeling. (Can you tell I have a few control issues?!)

Fast forward 2 hours and I'm still 5cm dilated. By this point in time (I can't remember exactly, but I think it was around 2pm), I'm getting frustrated and my L&D nurse brain is on fire with thoughts of labor curves, c-sections, shoulder dystocias, pushing for 3 hours, vacuums, forceps, arrest of dilation, arrest of descent... I was a bundle of nerves once again. I'd been there since dark thirty and only made ONE centimeter's worth of progress??? I was sure that I was doomed. Carin kept trying to be encouraging and I rolled my eyes at her. We initiated all the superstitious labor tricks and crossed our fingers that my uterus and this baby would start to cooperate soon.