Social Question

How do I get out of a project I told someone I'd do?

I know it sounds bad but here me out first, haha. This guy I know is making a web series and asked me to be in his film. I agreed, I did a few scenes and that was it. He wants me to be in more episodes. Only problem is, I really hate working with him. He has a wife and I think he only asked me to do it to get close to me because he tries to get us alone and flirts with me a lot.

He said he’d stop, and he did but I can tell he looks at me the wrong way…also, he sucks at directing and editing. His storyline and script sucks…I feel like I’m wasting more time by agreeing to do these so called episodes for his series.

You only agreed to do those few scenes, right? So you did your job. You aren’t obligated to do anymore for him. Tell him thanks for the offer, but you simply aren’t interested or that you no longer have the time to commit to it. If he doesn’t get the picture, then tell him that he is more of the reason why you aren’t comfortable to help him out any longer. Stick up for yourself. Oh, and tell him his scripts suck ass.

You did what he asked, and it seems to me that you went out of your way to do that. Nice of you to do that.

You didn’t sign any contract or commit to a lifetime endeavor. Just tell him that you’re busy, you have other plans, you have to wash your hair that day… anything you want. You could even tell him the truth, but… I guess I wouldn’t really recommend too much of the truth in this case.

I think the reason why I’d feel bad about it is, because he’d have to re-write the thing and find someone else to play me and start all over. I don’t wanna be a bad person to him about it even though I don’t like him.

You’re not a bad person to have “artistic differences”, and don’t think for a minute that you are. He’ll have to deal with his own shortcomings; you don’t have to be his crutch. Or his muse.

Actually, from the added detail you provided about him knowing all of your contact information and schedule, and writing himself into scenes with you… I would de-friend him, block him specifically, avoid him, and not be at all shy about saying why. He sounds stalkerish and potentially dangerous.

“Bad director” and “flirt” is the least you have to worry about with this type.

If you didn’t sign a contract, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Did you already verbally agree to work with him further? If so sure it could be awkward, but it makes less sense for you to put yourself through an uncomfortable experience and put so much time and effort into something you don’t want to do and a project you don’t believe in and something that it sounds like does nothing for you (if it’s a crappy project you are probably not going to use it as a portfolio or anything i imagine). If you were able to talk to him about the far more uncomfortable (IMO) issue of his flirting/trying to be alone with you, I’m sure you can have this conversation. You don’t OWE him, or the project, anything. Just take a deep breath and tell him you decided not to continue working on the project, thank him for the opportunity and wish him luck. And do it sooner than later, both out of respect for the project and because you’ll feel a whole lot better! Also, because of the issue of him flirting with you/acting inappropriate, I don’t think you have to meet him and tell him in person. Just write him and email or call. Be strong and to the point. Don’t leave it open like he can still change your mind or something. Good luck!

@chelle21689 You already said you agreed to only do a few scenes!! You say this guy is a creep and already crossed the line and you actually feel bad about telling the guy to take a hike? You need to get some courage to stand up for yourself. Your dignity is on the line here that should be the most important part of who you are! Tell him you are not interested and why would you want to further associate yourself with such a train wreck of a project let alone this dirt-bag???

I wouldn’t use an excuse that he’s moving as it leaves it open for him to explain how that is not an issue. Try not to leave any loose ends like that, that he could use as a string attached to pull you back into it. And if you don’t want to burn bridges I wouldn’t give an explanation, especially one related to his ability as a writer/director. Simply say you can’t commit to the project, if he tries to get into ‘why’ or whatever just say you have too much going on at this time… or some other non-specific answer.

And yes, in this business there are a lot of creeps, and many who will take advantage of you both as a person and as an actress- you HAVE to be able to stand up for yourself, know your boundaries and respect them, have standards regarding who and what projects you get involved in.

@chelle21689 Listen, I don’t know if this has already been said, but you have the right to pull out of something even if you agreed to do it. There are certain circumstances that make this okay, and I think the fact that this guy is making you truly uncomfortable and this shoot isn’t what you thought it was going to be, are valid reasons to stop working on the project. Tell him straight up. You’ll feel relieved afterwards. Good luck, hun.

You said ” he’d have to re-write the thing and find someone else to play me and start all over.” It started off as a small role and he added more and himself as a love interest?

In my opinion he is not creating a movie he is pursuing a fantasy.
He is writing you into his life.
The more you agree the more role you will play.

He is a creeper. De-friend him, block him, walk away. If he continues contact and begins to stalk you report him.

Do not worry about burning bridges because with his type, unless you sleep with him, your bridge will be burnt as soon as you refuse the script when it calls for intimacy which eventually I suspect it will.

Ugh. Creeper! I had a couple of guys in my improv classes jump into scenes with me so they could touch me, so I know how you feel. You did what you’d said you’d do. Tell him you can’t do anymore. When he asks why not, tell him you already did what you said you’d do, and that’s all you had time for. If he pushes, tell him the truth, that you think he’s a creeper and that you don’t like being around him. If he gets angry, well, hey, he shouldn’t have been such a creep.

Don’t worry about being “nice”. It’s your self-protection at stake. I’ve recommended it here before and now will do so again; People, read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. We have to learn to listen to our intuition about people and situations that we are uncomfortable with. Not anxious, as in trying new things, but in situations like @chelle21689 is going through.

Your intuition is your friend and is trying to tell you something in this case, @chelle21689. Listen to your friend!

Who cares about hurting this guy’s feelings! He’s made you feel uncomfortable. Tell him you’re done working for him and be on your way. If he tries to bother you on facebook, delete him. If he calls your phone and starts bugging you, block his number. You don’t need to put up with this pervert’s crap. Grow a pair and stick up for yourself.

i would just be really simple about it and tell him that you agreed to do a few scenes but didn’t realize it would develop into more, and you’re sorry you can’t continue with the project because you have time constraints. just keep saying no, and since it seems like you would not want to be friends with him anyway, if he gets mad then just stop taking his calls. simple, firm.

Don’t lie and don’t make up some phony excuse. Come right out with it, and as the current saying goes ‘man up’. Just tell him you are sorry, but you are having unexpected difficulties with it and you have changed your mind.

“Well he has my facebook, my number, and my e-mail address. I feel like he will know I’m avoiding him haha. He already has my schedule on my off days too.” Stalker? Overly obsessed? You should just tell him the truth. Just let him down easy and if worse comes to worse “become friend with his wife. Creeps most guys out” @filmfann I LOVED that! That just made my day!

Tell him the truth. You have no obligation to submit yourself to someone elses desires. Tell him you feel you have met your obligation to his original request and you are not interested in continuing beyond that.