Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4301

Golfing with the Ladies
Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow and were holding up the men's game.
"Don't they know they're supposed to let us play through?" asked the first man.
The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through," said the first man emphatically. "Enough is enough."
He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.
"Oh God," he said to his friend, "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife and the other is my mistress."
The other man shrugged and said: "No sweat." He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, he turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said: "Small world!" Geoff T.

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4302

Always By My Side
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said: "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Matthew R.

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4303

A Beautiful Thing
"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Richards as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Martin."
"Martin? He’s just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Richards said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did -– Mrs. Martin’s tit." Richards said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."
Harry S.

Thursday

Joke
N°
4304

Natural Disasters
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said: "I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
Puzzled, the lawyer asked: "How do you start a flood?"
Martin Y.

Friday

Joke
N°
4305

Just Knitting
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen." Sean R.

Saturday

Joke
N°
4306

Silent Burglar
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant.
“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
Matthew W.

Sunday

Joke
N°
4307

Blonde Fishermen
Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any,” replied the first fisherman.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second fisherman, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.”
And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the first fisherman, said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!” Johnny G.