My husband’s best friend got married last summer, and my husband was the best man in the wedding. We never received a thank-you card for the gift we sent. I sent our gift at the same time I sent my mother-in-law’s, and she received a thank-you note. I don’t really care about them not sending me a thank-you card, but I do want to know that they actually received the gift (I assume they did, as UPS tracking and everything says they did). How to handle? Although the guy and my husband are good friends, let’s just say the wife and I would never be friends if she weren’t married to him. They’ve had a rough year (lost a baby at 25 weeks) so I don’t want to assume that they’ve just forgotten a card vs. just have too much on their plate right now… would you say something? Like, “Just wanted to make sure you got the gift,” even though it’s been over a year?

You’ve given yourself away, my friend.

Had you been all like, “I’m just so worried they didn’t get the gift,” I would have said sure, give them a ring to make sure they got it. But you lie. You know they got it. You’re either looking for a thank-you note as a pat on the back for your wonderful gift-giving skills, or you’re looking to shame the wife (who you admitted you don’t like) for not sending a card.

The old, “I just wanted to know if you got my gift,” trick is totally transparent and passive-aggressive. It’s not like you sent it off via Pony Express. This is how you handle it: let it go. They’ve had a hard year, things fall through the cracks, and really, they’re not even your friends–they’re your husband’s friends. If he wants to ask his buddy, “Hey, did you ever get that pickle dish we sent,” he can, but you can’t make him and you can’t ever ask him about it again. Okay? Okay.