A Chanukah Carol

In one moment of silence, my Jewish identity was born.

In fourth grade I transferred from an almost all-Jewish public school to a Quaker prep school.

I have made other big transitions since then. But that move to Mrs. Mitchell's classroom at the Friends School of Baltimore was by far the most traumatic transition of them all.

I was painfully shy, sincere, and insecure, a toxic combination for the new eight-year-old on the block. I kept on failing the tests on Greek history, which was the focus of the 4th grade curriculum, so day after day I was forced to stay inside during recess in order to study. This was actually a relief, though, since I was also failing in the playground. One day, the daughter of a judge with an alligator on her shirt came up to me with a group of snickering friends and asked, "Did you get your clothing from a junkyard?"

Music class was the worst. In earlier grades, my new classmates had learned a complex system of hand gestures that represented the notes of the songs we sang, but I had never learned these hand gestures in public school. I was always looking at the person next to me, trying to do what everyone else did, trying desperately to just fit in.

And then there were the preparations for the annual Christmas concert.

I was the only student who did not know the Christmas carols.

I was the only student who did not know the Christmas carols. I also found the words confusing. During a rehearsal of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" I asked our teacher, "Excuse me, Ms. Vidor, what does the word 'Christ' mean?"

Ms. Vidor, a devoted member of her church choir, lit up. "Excellent question! The word 'Christ' means the 'the Lord.'"

I smiled, "Then why do we sing "Christ, the Lord"? It's silly to say "The Lord, the Lord!"

Ms. Vidor gave me a sour look, and did not respond. I was embarrassed.

I had been a bad girl.

MAKING WAVES

Things started looking up when I began junior high school. I had learned, more or less, to dress like my classmates, to talk like them, to act like them. I was beginning to fit in at long last. It was a dream come true.

One snowy December day while waiting for the city bus to the Jewish area of Baltimore, my classmate, Erin, asked me "So, what do you do during the Christmas carols?"

For all those years, I had never thought about it. It had never occurred to me that I should do anything different than our Christian classmates.

But I admired Erin, who later became our student-body president and an Off-Broadway director. The last thing I wanted to do was make waves. But I knew that she was right.

So during that year's Christmas concert, when we got to the chorus of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" I looked towards the alto section and I followed Erin's lead. Right after we sang "Oh come let us adore him" Erin clamped her mouth shut and did not sing "Christ, the Lord." With a racing heart I did the same.

For the six years from that concert until my high school graduation, I clamped my mouth shut year after year and never discussed it with anyone.

But it was significant.

In fact, looking back, I realize that this was probably the most important annual event of my childhood.

With this moment of silence I am telling you that somewhere deep down I know that being a Jew is something important.

It was my own small way of declaring in front of my favorite teachers and my dearest friends, "Look, I don't know much about being a Jew. I pretty much only know that it means that I should not sing these words. But with this moment of silence I am telling you that somewhere deep down I know that being a Jew is something important. Deep down I know that it means that somehow I am different...

"And I really hope that doesn't mean that I'm a bad girl."

MY DAUGHTER

I am a person who cries a lot. I cry when I listen to Country and Western songs, when I read the Weddings section in the Sunday Times, when I hear the Israeli national anthem, when I read Aish.com.

But nothing makes me cry like my daughter's annual Chanukah play.

This year, for the fifth Chanukah in a row, I will watch one of my daughters perform in the Chanukah play at nursery school. This year, my Ma'ayan will stand with all the other four and five-year-olds, wearing a crown shaped like a flame, and singing the same song that they sing every year about driving away the darkness. Then Ma'ayan will hold a doll and a prayer book and sing the same song that they sing every year about hiding from the Greeks in the caves in order to live as Jews.

I will look around me at the other mothers with their dry eyes and their digital video cameras, and I'll know that when these mothers were children, they were singing these very same songs at their own Chanukah plays.

And I will cry because I will remember that Ma'ayan in her crown like a flame is the child of that same girl who was standing on those bleachers singing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful."

I will cry because my heart cannot contain the disbelief mixed with thankfulness that I feel when I remember that that girl with her moment of silence became the mother of children who fill the family's Shabbat table with stories from the weekly Torah portion, whose favorite song is "Jerusalem of Gold," who have no idea that Chanukah is not the only holiday that comes in December.

But more than anything else, when I see Ma'ayan singing these Chanukah songs at the top of her lungs, I cry because I realize that I am raising a daughter who will never ever have to worry that by being a good Jew she is being a bad girl.

About the Author

Chana Jenny Weisberg is the author of One Baby Step at a Time: 7 Secrets of Jewish Motherhood (Urim) as well as the creator of the popular Jewish Mom Video Series that can be viewed on her website www.JewishMom.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 41

(38)
Sondra Brown,
February 15, 2015 9:06 PM

Acculturate or assimilate?

In the 1950's we tried to fit in in Public School- we infuriated our Catholic teacher when 25 voices refused to finish Silent Night

(37)
Anonymous,
December 30, 2014 2:30 PM

We Are Blessed

No matter what hapens to us, our Jewish neshamim find a way to shine. No matter what. B''H.

(36)
Penina dror,
December 24, 2014 9:17 PM

Similar story

I am 42 and became observant in college. I grew up in a house where I was told that we are Jewish . However, it was an empty 6 letter word. We observed nothing. No shabbat, an empty mezuzah on the door post.... And kosher ??? Lol!!! Rosh hashanah and Yom Kippur were regular days that I attended school.
I also, miraculously , understood that singing those Xmas songs was simply, not right. I was always one of the leads in the school " holiday" concerts , and I would simply lip synch joy to the world, and the rest of the Christian music!
It is so comforting to know that other Jewish children survived the subtle pressures of assimilation . Btw, I am bh married to an amazing Israeli man from Yerushalaim and we have three beautiful children who attend yeshiva and are very proud of their history ....oh, we were married on the 8 th night of Chanukah 18 years ago!
Chag Chanukah Samayach!!!!
Am Israel Chai!!!

(35)
Anonymous,
December 24, 2014 3:48 PM

Grateful

I was so pained to read this. It makes me realize how fortunate I was that my parents sent my 4 siblings and to Yeshiva from nursery though high school graduation.My brother attended Yeshiva University and was ordained a Rabbi by Y.U.as my father had been. My father was raised in a secular home and attended prep school called Fieldston.the “Ethical Culture School”. My mother’s parents sent her to live with strangers when she was 6 so that she could attend Yeshiva.I believe she was traumatized for life as a result of being boarded with complete strangers.She spent part of her childhood in Yeshiva,and part in public school.Neither of my parents ever mentioned singing Christmas carols in school.My mother must have, in public school. I do not know if the “Ethical Humanists’at Fieldston believe in Christmas.I am pained for the author and all Jewish Children who are subjected to what the author has been.I am grateful I was spared.I am so glad the author’s daughter Ma’ayan is singing in a Chanukah play,and not Christmas carols.I hope that all Jewish Children will be free some day from being subjected to the celebration of Christmas in the schools. Happy Chanukah to all.

(34)
Marjorie Petersen,
December 24, 2014 3:13 AM

I amasses me how jewish children all over the country can make the same des idiom . I thought only my classmates and I did this in the 1950 s . We never talked about it we just stopped singing and since almost the entire class was jewish a large quite would depesend on the room.

(33)
steve zuback,
December 23, 2014 11:25 PM

lovely...

The piece was moving, inspirational, and brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of the challenges I and others faced in being a Jew among gentiles. The picture of your daughter is lovely. May Ha Shem watch over you and protect you and your family.

(32)
T. Gutwein,
December 23, 2014 2:53 PM

And I cry...

I too cry when I read such special articles from people like youself who have been there / done that, and now have true emunah. Though I'm a FFB, your story helps me through this american month of December. Thanks.

(31)
Anonymous,
December 25, 2008 5:21 PM

I was bawling

thank you for your story and the photo is exquisite. G-d bless

(30)
Lori Palatnik,
December 22, 2008 12:06 AM

"Don't say his name.."

This beautiful and touching article brought back a lot of memories: sitting on the floor in the gymnasium of our public school with all of the other kids. Being handed song sheets to sing together.
One of the teachers would be at the piano, and we all sang the Xmas songs together. My sister, 2 years younger, leaned over and whispered to me, "What do we do?"
I answered, "Just don't say his name."
Even back then we had a sense of who we were-- who would guess that years later my sister would lead the way in our family's return to Torah and mitzvahs. Today she lives in Monsey with her 6 kids and granddaughter, my brother and his family now living in Eretz Yisrael.
Chanukah is truly a time of miracles.

(29)
Chani Ganz,
November 17, 2007 9:23 PM

Beautiful!!!

This is a beautiful and moving story that I am hoping to share with my students at a sunday hebrew school where all of the children go to public school. Thanks for the inspiration!

(28)
Anonymous,
February 6, 2007 12:50 PM

i read this article with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. i was raised in a society where public schools were either catholic or protestant and jews were deemed "protestant" for public school purposes. jewish parochial was financially out of the question for the people in our neighborhood but we went to jewish school monday through thursday and on sunday morning.

i still remember recoiling at the little songs we were taught and my parents would tell me,"just don't let those things into our personal lives just as we didn't allow them to do in europe."ican still feel the loneliness we felt even though our school was 75% jewish.

i make it a point since then to let everyone know who i am and what we stand for. they may not always love me but they sure do respect me.

(27)
Anonymous,
December 31, 2006 3:41 AM

This article about a Chanukah Carol rings a familiar bell, to my childhood in a Public School in Akron,Ohio. We were one Orthodox family among very few, except for the Rabbi and Rebbitzen of our Orthodox shul. I to had to attend a public school in our area. I attended Talmud Torah after school.

When the non Jewish holiday season came around I to was expected to sing in the Christmas choir or play. I asked my Mother A"H what to do. Should I participate? She told me I shouldn't make waves, the school was very antisemetic and I was already suffering from it's ways.She said I can sing the words, until I come to the words about their Lord and then I can loudly sing Hashem is our Lord and no one will be the wiser, or I could open my mouth, and think of Hashem and not let the words they expected me to sing come out of my mouth. That's what I did.I sang without words when it came to those words.

I never doubted my Yiddishkeit and stuck to what my Mother A"H taught me to do.Nobody could dissuade me otherwise.I was the only one who could never bethe attendance monitor because I missedschool on the Yom Tovim. It's the only times I missed school. I was never out for sickness. I didn't receive a perfect attendance award at the end of the year because the only time I did not attend school was on the Jewish holidays. I felt sad that they did not recognize this and punished me in their way because of this.However, I knew I was doing what was right and never sorry that I suffered the consequences for my beliefs. It made me stronger and more involved in my Yiddishkeit.

I thank my Mother, may she rest in peace, for the way she taught us to get along with everyone and accept them for their religious beliefs, while respecting other religions. I never wavered on ours. This is how I've led my life into my Senior years and have taught my children and grandchildren the same . B"H my children and grandchildren are frum and have attended and are attending frum Yeshivas.

I feel Hashem has rewarded me for mystalwart "sticktoiveness". For being taught and shown in my childhood how to stay strong in my beliefs even though others were different.

I had to live in a Jewish Children's home at one time when my Mother was ill. My Father passed away when I was 5. In the Jewish Children's home I was punished because I refused to drink milk and eat meat at the same meal. I gladly accepted the punishment and asked to speak to the Executive Director and expressed my dismay for being punished for practicing what the Torah has taught us, not to mix milk with meat. After that I was never punished again for not drinking milk with a meat meal. They no longer served milk with meat meals.

It seems that this standing up for what is right, was passed down to my oldest son many years ago when he attend a "modern" type of Yeshiva" because our Orthodox Rabbi suggested he go there for the education he would receive there that was superior. He indeed stuck to what he knew was right. He would not write his homework on Chol Hamoed Sukkos.When he was called to the Principal's office he explained to the Principal that the law was that he was not supposed to write his homework on Chol Hamoed. When the Principal called our Rabbi to inquire if he was the type of person who was looking to get out of homework or was truly religious in his believes, our Rabbi responded that he was truly religious in his believes. That was the last time any of the students did written homework on Sukkos.

I feel I could have very easily gone the other direction when I had no parental guidance. But what our Mother A"H taught us kept us strong and unwavering. She taught us to practice our Yiddishkeit b'simcha. I witnessed her doing just that.That helped shape me and my childrenin what we are today. My husband was raised in an Orthodox home in an Orthodox area here in Boro Park all his life. He didn't have to experience and suffer what I had to suffer. I feel it made me all the stronger. I feel Hashem presented that way of life for a purpose.I thank him for helping me and guiding me all my life in his ways.

Mrs. Bea PollockBrooklyn, New York

(26)
Anonymous,
December 28, 2006 10:30 AM

This touched my heart so much & made me cry too. The memories just flood in..My children had a tough time in school too. Especially in a public HS in the south where they were the only ones wearing kippot and tzitzits. They became very strong in their faith and knowledge. You see..they had too!..we converted a long time ago. We had no extended family any longer, but we remained steadfast. Our eldest is now married and soon we will be grandparents to our first Sabra. I hope that we will, in a few years, be among all the other Bubbies and Sadies with tears in their eyes watching their little kindele singing songs of Hanukah.

(25)
Anonymous,
December 28, 2006 3:52 AM

Just LOVED this article.

(24)
Melchiorfamily,
December 23, 2006 9:55 PM

YOUR ARTICLE IS PRECIOUS TO US. MANY PEOPLE LIKE US THAT HAVE BEEN AWAY, EXPERIENCED THE SAME FEELINGS. A BA'ALE TESHUVA KNOWS MORE DEEPLY THE VALUE OF THAT HE HAD LOST.

(23)
linda,
December 23, 2006 6:06 PM

me too

I did the same thing in Chorus in HS. I didnt know what to do and I knew I couldnt say "those words". I thought something bad would happen to me if I said Christ the Lord. I think about it alot but, never told anyone. I'm 50 years old.

(22)
sk,
December 21, 2006 1:35 PM

crying

very moving article, please don't point fingers at those who don't cry, as ones who take for granted their upbringing. I am a proud FFB who grew up singing the same songs that my children do "Ima how do you know that song?!" and I too cry at their plays and siddur parties. Some people are just not as sentimental or emotional as others. I also think that the cameras and camcorders get in the way and distance those who use them from what is going on in front of them. Thank G-d I usually forget to bring the camera with me. I hope you continue to have much nachas from your children. Happy Hanukka!

(21)
Eliezer,
December 19, 2006 8:52 PM

Public Menorahs

What a beautiful article.One can now appreciate even more what a public Menorah lighting does to help boost the self esteem of Jewish children who find themselves today in similar situations.

(20)
Jerry,
December 19, 2006 8:18 PM

Christ does not mean "the lord"

For what its worth, christos is Greek translated to Latin and means "the annoited one."You know, like Samuel did David. So what they are singing, and probably don't know they are singing, is "the annoited one, the lord."

(19)
leah,
December 19, 2006 8:11 PM

I have been there, too

As i read this article I was shaking my head(positively) because I have stood on the same type of stage as a child(one of three jews-the other two were my brothers) in grade school. I was to sing all of the carols etc....I could never sing certain ones and was proud, too. I did not grow up with a formal jewish education. Now, many years and three children later I too, cry when any one of my children are in a play or something at school(especially when each one receives their very own siddur or chumash) . It goves me more pleasure than anything else in this world. To see my children practicing Torah is the most amazing thing. I was dating a non jew for many years and brokeit off becasue I knew inside that I could not make the same mistake that my mother made. I am glad that I made the choice that I made. I think it is confusing to offer kids different religions. Chanukah Sameach!

(18)
SaraRigler,
December 19, 2006 2:50 PM

Beautifully written piece

Thank you, Chana. I cried, too, while reading the last part.

(17)
ChanaLevi,
December 19, 2006 11:42 AM

Sad grandmother

RE: Anonymous 12/18/06

To the sad grandmother who is so concerned about her bright, enthusiastic granddaughter, I'm sorry to tell you this but you are already years too late. If your son's non-Jewish wife never converted to Orthodox Judaism, then your little granddaughter is a non-Jew. Period. No matter how many latkes you make with her or how much Hebrew you will teach her, she will not be considered Jewish unless she decides to have a halachic conversion someday. And if you think that the "other side is not really that different and we all worship the same G-d" then your knowledge of Judaism and Xianity is missing a great deal. This situation is tragic - part of the spiritual Holocaust of our people in the US. If your son attended a modern Orthodox Yeshiva but still married a non-Jew (with your tacit approval), there was obviously something lacking in his upbringing and education. The fact that he wants to expose his child to both Jewish and Xian teachings shows how mixed up he is and his daughter will grow up very confused. You say you don't want to lose your son. Sadly, he and his child are already lost - to Judaism and to the ancient chain of our people.

Anonymous,
December 23, 2014 6:10 PM

to ChanaLevi re Sad grandmother

How cruel! You acknowledge in your first four words that the woman is already sad, yet you pounce on her and attack her in her already depressed state. What does that say about you and your own upbringing and your “better than thou” attitude?

I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a lot of people reading your comments who wish that your own children would marry non-Jews who don’t choose to convert to Judaism at all, let alone with an Orthodox rabbi. Wake up! What happened to lo leva-yeish, not to embarrass, someone? You are not showing the “sad grandmother” any chesed, kindness, whatsoever. Is that really necessary? So you don’t like her choices in life; does that mean you can tear her to pieces? I’m ashamed of you.

(16)
Anonymous,
December 19, 2006 9:53 AM

Beautiful!

What a beautiful article!

(15)
Anonymous,
December 18, 2006 2:46 PM

I am so happy for you.

Your story made me feel that there is hope afterall for our world. My son, a graduate of a modern orthodox Yeshiva married an non-Jewish girl. They have one 6 yr old daughter and another on the way. Our granddaughter spends a lot of time with us and is exposed to all aspects of Judaism. My son has a business where he prepares students for Bar/Bat Mitzvah. He is quite knowledgeable in Judaica and practices what he chooses. So our little girl is exposed to quite a bit of Yiddishkeit. However, the parents do not want her to have to choose a religion yet. Her mother and her family practice Christianity by having a Christmas meal and an Easter meal. My son holds true to the High Holidays and to keeping Pesach; his daughter goes to Shul with him. Today, my son said that within a year he is going to look for a Hebrew School to send his daughter to for her to have the feeling of Chavurot and he and myself (a retired Hebrew Teacher) can suppliment her learning. I was thrilled. Then he dropped the bomb. They are also going to send her to CCD classes. I felt deflated. I have to be very careful (no matter what, I do not want to lose my son). I tried to explain to him that it wasn't fair to her to give her two things at once. That they should consider choosing one of them. And he could still show her that the other side is not really that different. That we all worship ONE Gd. etc. He did say that he would consider this advice.I am so worried for my very bright, very enthusiastic granddaughter. I write this as tears flow down my cheeks.Do you have any suggestions as to how I can make this easier for my granddaughter?A very concerned Bubbe

Joseph,
December 23, 2014 4:26 PM

nothing to be concerned about

Nothing to be concerned about. Their daughter is not Jewish. So let her just grow up a good Gentile , that's all required of her. Observe the 7 mitzvos of Bnei Noach. (noachides)

Dodi,
December 24, 2014 3:37 PM

Bubbe, As a seventh generation first daughter, I'm saying "Don't worry." In ALL things trust HaShem. Where HE leads, no one knows and it may be that this one little girl may be the one who unites a whole community. Never doubt that HaShem is not watching. As it is written, HIS Ways are not our ways. So it has always been. After all, Who Else would have chosen David over Saul? Who Else would have chosen Ruth? Never, ever, forget that the candle that is a child does not belong to us...we merely watch the flame that is their life. Trust that HaShem Knows what HE is doing, and enjoy the flame that is the child.

(14)
saranna,
December 18, 2006 10:51 AM

Made m cru tpp....

When I was one of the 3Wise Men in a Kinderbarten Christmas Play... I didnt have an identity crisis...bedause I hadnt identified myself as Jewish yet....being the first dhild of holocaust survivorsd from Poland and Austria... wjo were very young and desperately tring to make a living... they couldnt even turn up to the play... I was just happy to be part of something...now 55 years later, and 3 adult and one teenager later... I am a comitted Hebrew,made Aliyah to Israel twice..worked for the British and Australian Zionist Federation in Haifa in my early twenties.helping to welcome and settle new immigrants to Erets Israel... true identity alsways seems to come knocking... and now my 59 year old spouse is studying for his Barmitzvah which was denied him in the early sixties in Communist Poland,, and he is slowly joyfully recovering his true identity... thank you Jenny for your inspiring story... I am sure it has many parallels all over the World and I am very interested to hear these stories..

(13)
JeffreyM.Levy,
December 18, 2006 10:51 AM

Beautiful Story

As a Jewish child who's elementry school years in the early 60's all I knew was of Christmas plays. A lot of people now are up in arms aboput calling this time of year the holiday season because they selfishly won't except the fact that Christianity is not the only religion in this Country. I for one say it is appropiate to call this the holiday season, covering all holiday's people wish to celebrate according to their beliefs of their faith. Unregertfully, I married a Catholic girl and for the past 20yrs we've honored both holidays because we have alway's felt we should still respect each others religion and take nothing away from each other. Your story was one of the most inspiring story ever told. You're a beautiful person to even as a child to stand for what you believed in, and should be proud of your daughters (which I know you are). Having said that, I wish everyone in this country a very happy HOLIDAY in what ever holiday each person believes in.

(12)
MorrisRombro,
December 18, 2006 10:04 AM

Sweet, touching piece but what is a nice Jewish girl doing in a Quaker school. Also from Balto., I never heard of a Quaker until I was 23.

(11)
ChanaLevi,
December 18, 2006 9:36 AM

Beautiful story

Having grown up in small Canadian towns, I could really relate to this story. I also sang the carols in school but left out the forbidden J and C words. Once I went to a friend's house and enjoyed helping her decorate her tree but I knew it was not our custom and would never dream of asking my parents for one. They tried very hard to give us a Jewish upbringing in our small community. Years later, as a public high school teacher myself, I was disgusted when the Jewish principal encouraged all the staff (even the Jewish ones) to join in the carol singing. It was one of several factors that finally pushed us into making aliyah. B"H we are fortunate enough to live in Jerusalem now where all the lights are those of chanukiot. Last night a friend and I were traveling to a women's concert by bus when on the bus radio came the lovely sound of Israeli children singing the blessings for the lighting of the menorah. Our two sabra granddaughters (the younger one is also named Ma'ayan) thankfully will never know about singing those foreign songs I did.

(10)
ChanaZelasko,
December 18, 2006 5:17 AM

Felt like crying

I felt like crying when you described your experience being the new girl in school and being so unfamiliar with what was going on and the way you were treated. That was something that impressed me so much about the religious community when I was newly religious. I was 25 years old and barely knew anything. Everyone was so kind and patient with me. They made me feel so important and loved. Baruch Hashem you live in Yerushalyim.

(9)
Joyce,
December 18, 2006 2:48 AM

I love this article. When I was a child in Brooklyn I went to public school and even though we had many Jewish children and teachers, in our school during Christmas we sang Christmas songs. Oh, yes we sang the "I have a little dreidel" too. I know all the words to almost every Christmas song. Never really thought much about having to sing along with everyone, sining " Christ out Lord..." As an adult I realize I should have "clamped my mouth shut " just as Erin and Chana did! My children are lucky they have always attended Jewish Day Schools, no need to worry about learning Christmas tunes. And just like Chana I cried when my children had their first Chanukah plays. I even have photos of them standing proud with cardboard flames on their littles just like the photo Chana's daughter Ma'ayan. Thanks for sharing your story.

(8)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2006 5:01 PM

beautiful. thanks for sharing

believe me i doubt you were the only one in the audience. thanks for sharing your inspiring feelings. b'hatzlacha

(7)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2006 2:36 PM

Our core beliefs about ourselves acquired in childhood can influence us for a lifetime.

I remember the Christmas songs I sang year after year in grammar school very well. I even feel nostalgic each year when hearing them. Somehow when I read this story I found myself crying as well. I can't exactly tell why but I believe it has something to do with ref to being a bad. The sense of being bad is like a monster hidden in the depths of us but causing trouble in ways we may remain unaware of for a lifetime. We must embrace our being Jews from a positive and understand who we are is defined in Judaism and embrace this truth. The child in this story needed first to have been embraced by a mother, by parents who cared more for teaching their child the truth. It is amazing and wonderful how Chana Weisberg realized this in her way connecting thereby to her identity as a Jew as a positive and transmitting this awareness to her beautiful Jewish children.

(6)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2006 1:17 PM

Thank you!

With tears in my eyes I want to thank you for expressing the same feelings I had growing up going to a public school. My mind is flooded with holiday memories from my youth. One memory is being sent to the principal in 3rd grade because I refused to sing a X-mas carol. I remember some teachers wanting to be nice and saving a small corner of the bulletin board for Chanukah. I stopped singing in the choir so I wouldn't get in trouble. I played violin in the high school orchestra. I figured playing the music wasn't as bad as singing it. I am also a crier. But I am crying now because I am so grateful that my sons and daughter and granddaughters will never be sent to a principal's office for refusing to sing x-mas carols.

(5)
SUZICLARK,
December 17, 2006 10:29 AM

Even if you were not schooled as a Jew, if you are one there is a little light which shines within us and makes us want more, know more, and find more about being a Jew, and proud of it.

I am afraid this time I can't say much. My eyes are wet with tears of sorrow and joy for Chana. I was that little girl in some ways. I knew more and had access to my Jewish Heritage, but I was the outsider looking in. There was a need for more each day. More of being Jewish, more of understanding what that meant and more being surrounded by my fellow Jews. My heart cries out with joy and pride, my brain cries out for more knowledge, my eyes cry for those who can not, and know not, and lastly my voice cries out for more depth in our fellow human beings.

Thank you Chana, I was this little girl and my friend Surelle was my little friend "Erin." I have known and loved her since I was 9 or 10, for so many reasons. She showed me how wonderful it was to be us, and different, not that it was bad. My friend was wise beyond her years, and now she has caught up to her wisdom. Always loving, interested,concerned, and so intuitive. She is my hero.

Surelle and I closed our mouths when singing Christmas carols for the same rasons. We did so in a class where our teacher played the piano and sang the songs beautifully, but learned about two little girls who had rights also. This singing incident happened for me fifty four years ago, and we are still going strong. We live in different states, but the state of the mind is the same.

(4)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2006 10:09 AM

A small gesture can change a child's life.

Thank you for this wonderful story. And thank you to Erin, wherever she is today, for instilling this first piece of Jewish identity in the author.

When I was a child, one of the few things my brother and I knew about being Jewish was that many Jews had died in the Holocaust. When we were older, we decided that we would only date other Jews, in order to preserve and propogate the remaining Jewish community.

From that initial decision, we've both grown in our Jewish identity and observance, until we both, thank G-d, have religious Jewish families of our own.

Sometimes, all it takes is one piece Jewish knowledge to alter the life of a child.

(3)
IlseBrennecke,
December 17, 2006 8:51 AM

I'm a christian, and I admire you and love your story,be a proud and good Jew, may the Holy One bless you indeed

I am happy for you and could cry with you that you are raising your children in your heritage of judaism

(2)
FrancesBernay-Cohen,
December 17, 2006 8:25 AM

Loved it!!!!!!

I found your article so inspiring and will surely read more of your articles.

(1)
Jael,
December 17, 2006 4:13 AM

Thanx!

Thank you very much for your story- as a "Jew by choice" I had the same "feelings" when I stopped singing Chrismas Carols twenty years ago - and somettimes I till feel uncomfortable when my christian family starts to sing... you told me a great deed: I'm a good Jew remembering that not singing "Crist he Lord" is as importing as singing "maos zur" every evening this week! Thanx!

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...