If baseball insists on using kids in this event, it should be altered to employ them in a more amusing way. First, it should be renamed the Home Run Pitching Derby. Then someone should construct a giant catapult, like a medieval siege engine.

There would be a little seat in which one of the children would be strapped. The seat would be connected to a spring, which would in turn be operated by a lever with a target on it. The game's best pitchers would line up and attempt to hit the target. Each time there was a hit, there would be a huge SPROINGGGG and a child would be launched out of the stadium. The pitcher with the most children landing in the river (or the parking lot, depending on where the game was being played) wins.