Finding my tribe.

On 01/01/17 when I quit drinking, one thing that scared me was losing my friends.

Why was I worried? Because at the time, all (OK probably 98%) of them were drinkers. And that’s what we did together most of the time when we hung out. We got wasted.

What was I worried about? Two things. Firstly, getting a lot of shit for becoming alcohol free. And sadly, this did happen. It was awkward and unpleasant for about the first two months but I stayed true to myself and didn’t cave to the peer pressure. Secondly, would I still HAVE any friends as an alcoholfree person?!? Scary thought!!!!

To explore these fears, I confided in my wonderful, lovely fitness coach from http://www.swellfitliving.com She gave me some advice back in January that I’m forever grateful for. And I want to share this with you – it’s been a powerful life lesson for me! She said:

That as I embark on my new journey, I WILL find a new tribe. That I willl attract positive people including new friendships, centered around positive, supportive, healthy lifestyles

My real friends will love, respect and support me on my alcoholfree journey. Rather than drinking, we can do brunches, lunches and real friendships will grow stronger and stronger as time goes on.

And you know what? She was absolutely right!!!! I was sooooo wrong. I spent time and energy worrying about nothing. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I don’t like to admit I am wrong about things. But I was so wrong in this case!

The reality of what happened was as follows. Over the last few months, I:

Have lost a small handful of ‘friends’. But we’re we really friends or just drinking acquaintances? If they don’t what to know me for the alcoholfree me, that’s their loss. I’ve moved on.

Have re-established and strengthened existing relationships. Including some previously strained family ones. Which is all positive and I’m really happy about.

Have made and continue to make a bunch of great new friends through yoga and meditation classes. Like-minded individuals that share common bonds is a wonderful feeling.

Quick note! It wasn’t all smooth sailing. The first two months felt a bit lonely at times and a bit isolating. Largely because I was finding the new me. But don’t give up! It somes with time. Keep busy, keep focussed, keep willing to try new things. Believe me, you WILL find your new tribe.

Anyway, I hope this helps give you some confidence that when you become alcoholfree, you WILL find your new tribe. Your old one will reshape and morph for positive, rewarding and wonderful reasons. You’ll get to be a better version of yourself in a safe surroundings.

21 thoughts on “Finding my tribe.”

This is brilliant 💜
Your new tribe sounds like an amazing group to surround yourself with & it also sounds like you have plenty of old friends that stuck around 🙂
It’s amazing how the energy we surround ourselves with affects every part of us in either a negative or positive way 💜

This is the most wonderful blog. I know you got advice, but it sounds like you’d already made the decision and you would’ve found it out on your own. I know I don’t know you in real life, but this is pretty inspirational. X

I was listening to an older episode of the Home podcast today and Holly said something about how her friendships now are so much more authentic than when she was drinking because SHE is more authentic. I believe that to be true and look forward to the day when I have friendships like that.

Happy Friday TFML, that is a lovely concept. Thank you for sharing, I really like that. Isn’t she right! If we are more authentic, we attract others into our lives that are also more authentic.
These friendships will come, I think it just takes a little bit of time. You have one such friend right here 🙋🏽 xoxo

This has always been my fear especially as I don’t have many friends due to trust issues. And has always stopped me from either starting my committed journey of sobriety or staying in my sobriety even though I love how I feel in it. Even how to word it to people has stopped me from the worry of what they will think. Sounds so silly reading it now to put off being the best version of myself because of a few irrational fears. Who cares what they think, I know it’s what I think that matters and maybe that’s they real place I need to look at so that I commit.

Not irrational or silly – I honestly believe we all come out the other side much happier, healthier and confident if we just get through those initial few months. You will attract new, supportive friends – and you have so many of us supporting you from afar. Wishing you all the best xoxo

the line about it strengthening other relationships–SO TRUE. it was shocking when I realized (when i stopped drinking) that most of my hangouts with friends had been over drinks for TEN YEARS. rebuilding our relationships outside of alcohol for almost every one of those relationships was so magical–in a strange way it felt like falling in love with the world and my close friends and family all over again! of course there were some friends that fell away, but the ones that have stuck, so incredible…! ❤