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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Dear Little Me

My back was turned to the TV last night but I heard some commercial where one woman asked another what advice she would give to her teenage self. She (I believe a celebrity but again, my back was turned to the TV.) said that she would tell her teenage self not to be afraid to say no.

And I immediately in that same breath knew what advice I would give my teenage self. And my 20-something self. And the self who just looked at me in the mirror an hour ago.

Don't be afraid to say YES.

While I have a complete inability to say no in regards to volunteering, I do not live the rest of my life that way. I think in some ways I live in fear of the yes.

What if I say yes and then I fail? What if I say yes and everyone thinks I am insane? I am generally considered to be left of center. Just not the norm. Unique. And while I embrace my "specialness" on most days, I don't like the idea of being thought of as weirder, nerdier or crazier than I already am.

But in the process to be, what in my little head I have always referred to as a C (not as in C grade, but as in average), I tend to sit while others stand and run and bounce. I don't take risks that come so easily to others. I am stiff. I am manicured (not my nails though because I don't like my fingernails to be painted).

I absolutely know the root of this part of my personality. It stems 100% from my childhood. Which was a hot mess of yuck and abuse. My life goal was to just blend in and go unnoticed. My daily life already made me stand out in unpleasant ways. And I have forever been both creative and academic. Kids don't generally dig being different though and I was no exception. I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be a C.

So this post sort of took a strange turn because all I meant to tell you was that if I could give my teenage self one piece of advice, it would be to stop fearing the yes. Take chances. Live your life BIG. Follow your gut every day, even if others might think you to be crazy.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Well my problem is that I have lived my entire life in the "no thank you."

New goal. Live in the "YES!"

If you could give your little self a piece of advice, what would it be?

3 comments:

I would tell myself to acknowledged and deal with the problems that I ran away from so many times. That fear of dealing with them has had a much deeper affect. Just because you are a child or young it does not trivialize a problem that is important to you.I wish I had asked for help or talked to someone.