Pro Bowl makeover, eh? Here are my event proposals

You can’t say the NFL isn’t trying very hard to make the Pro Bowl something you’d want to watch.

Sure, the decision to throw out the AFC vs. NFC matchup in favor of a “fantasy” draft was — like a morose Will Smith Christmas release — something no one asked for but kept getting anyway. But that’s all over with now, a wise decision which also released Jerry Rice from the private hell of being the worst fake general manager in sports history.

On Monday, the NFL announced details of a “re-imagined Pro Bowl Week”, which returns the league’s all-star game to a traditional AFC vs. NFC format while also adding a Skills Showdown to the mix. Cool.

You shouldn’t always listen to concentrated public outcry — this is how you end up with things like Johnny Manziel and “Zoolander 2” — but in this case, the NFL was smart to cave to annoying Internet folk (like me!) who wondered why the Pro Bowl skills competition ever disappeared in the first place.

Here’s how the league described, in a press release, the new competitions that’ll take place in Orlando:

» Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball: Pro Bowlers will compete in a game of dodgeball.

» Power Relay Challenge: Four team members will compete in a timed relay race.

» Precision Passing: Two players on each team will battle it out, trying to hit moving targets of varying size and distance.

» Best Hands: Quarterback and wide receiver duos from each team will show off their skills, connecting on as many pass attempts as possible before time runs out.

These are all solid events, though I feel it’s only fair that “Epic” is included in each title, not just dodgeball. While we’re here, I’ll go ahead and add a few more …

» Epic James Harrison Murder Mystery Night: A player chosen at random will slash the tires of James Harrison‘s favorite luxury car. Afterward, Harrison will host all the stars for a dinner and deduce who jacked up his ride. Once the culprit is identified, James Harrison will deal with him.

» Epic Win Vontaze Burfict‘s Money: All of Burfict’s fine money will be collected and put into one of those glass-case things where there is cash flying around inside. Players will get 30 seconds in the case to collect as much of Burfict’s surrendered salary as possible.

» Epic Spot The Hack!: Five strapping young 20-somethings and Christian Hackenberg are placed in a lineup. Various Jets players are asked to correctly pick out who is Gang Green’s mysterious second-round pick.