I did not enjoy this book. In fact, I'm not sure how anyone could given the subject matter, but it's probably one of my favorites of the year. LittleI did not enjoy this book. In fact, I'm not sure how anyone could given the subject matter, but it's probably one of my favorites of the year. Little Peach is raw and unflinching story of how one girl finds herself knee deep in the world of child prostitution. The subject matter is a heavy one, and Kern does not hold back the reality of Michelle's, AKA "Little Peach," world. Little Peach is a 200 page powerful story that with knee your feels right where it counts, make you curl into a ball and cry.

Michelle grows up in a troubled home with her grandfather, her primary caregiver and protector. However, when he passes away, she loses all of that and is forced to find her own way. So she decides to go to New York in the hopes that she'll be able to stay with a friend. When she arrives, her plan falls through and she realizes just how dire her situation is, and is picked up by a seemingly charming and helpful boy named Devon. Desperate, vulnerable with nowhere else to turn, Michelle accepts his help and is swept into a world of drug addiction and prostitution.

Devon, her "daddy," establishes himself as a new provider and protector of Michelle and the other two girls who reside with him: Baby and Kat. With promises of love and a new family, Michelle accepts her lot in life and becomes "Little Peach," believing this is the best that's out there for her. When your mother is a drug addict who chooses her slimy boyfriend over you, there aren't many options. Still, there are times when she regrets her new life, especially when she sees the mistreatment of the other girls and the horrors of her "family." Then there are times when she fleetingly finds peace and happiness: When she, Baby and Kat are "off duty" and enjoying a fun day. You can tell she longs for a normal life, one any girl should have, but the realities of her life continue to creep back night after night in the form of getting high and hotel rooms. It's a sharp contrast as she battles to hold onto her childhood during the day, while slipping on her adult personality every night along with the dresses Devon makes her wear.

Michelle's voice is strong, broken and raw all at once as her narration flips between the story of how she became Devon's Little Peach and chapters told from a hospital bed, wanting to reach out to the social worker assigned to her case. The former displays a voice of innocence lost as Michelle tells of her time not only with Devon, but also with her grandfather. While the latter feels sharper and harder, more distant and tougher thanks to many of the horrible things she's encountered. It made me want to hug her and take all her pain away. Kern captures all of Michelle's longing, desperation, hopelessness and sadness perfectly. She creates a voice that can't be ignored or forgotten, one that begs us to for help and demands our attention, leaving the reader horrified, fascinated and disgusted all at once.

The worst part of Little Peach is that everything thing in the book is real. There are no happy endings, no easy answers or closures. This is real life. And that's a hard pill to swallow to think that this is happening right now, even as you read this review. This book left me an angry, weeping mess and I know it won't ever leave me.

I’m proud of myself for finishing this The Queen of the Tearling even though it’s turned outWell, this was terrible. I hated everything but the cover.

I’m proud of myself for finishing this The Queen of the Tearling even though it’s turned out to be one of my most disappointing reads this year. HarperCollins was really pushing this title marking-wise, and while it’s not considered YA, they did offer it to quite a few YA bloggers for consideration for review. I had to be the special person to request it. I wish I hadn’t have done that.

The Queen of the Tearling tried to do a lot of things and that’s its biggest problem. You can’t have a high fantasy, historic society set in the future and NOT do any type of world building. You can’t have set rules up in your world only to break it because MAGIC. It’s not nice to tease the reader from the very beginning of SECRETS and have you supporting cast dangle it in from of us like a carrot for the entirety of the novel and NEVER TELL US by the end. Because that’s exactly what happened. It really made me question what the point of the novel was considering I learned nothing new about the plot or characters by the end.

I’m also surprised this was marketed as Adult to YA readers when it really is just a poorly plotted MG fantasy. For all this book had going for it — and it had a lot, including a movie deal with Emma Watson attached to star! — I expected so much more. I expected to be blown away, and maybe that was part of the problem, but really the level of SUCK contained in The Queen of the Tearling is baffling. I don’t recommend it at all....more

This is the first review I've ever written where I'm leaving a book unrated. I both loved and hated this book equally. There were parts that really frThis is the first review I've ever written where I'm leaving a book unrated. I both loved and hated this book equally. There were parts that really frustrated me, bored me, excited me, and completely hooked me. I'm not even sure what Red Rising is really classified as. One half of the book feels very Dystopian/sci-fi while the other half reads like an entirely different genre, perhaps High Fantasy. If I were to even attempt to describe what this book is I'd say image Gladiator and Lord of the Flies having an illicit love affair on an acid trip. Their baby would be Red Rising. How do I fit a book like that on a 1-5 star rating scale?

Darrow is a Helldriver on Mars, drilling in mines with the belief that one day his people will live on the surface once the planet is ready. He and his people live under strict rules. While Darrow is more than happy to keep his head down and do his job, his wife Eo, has a different dream. She considers her people slaves to the Gold, the ruling class, and wants to take action to free them from their chains. Through a course of unfortunate events, Darrow finds himself on the surface disguised as a Gold, and with the help of other rebels, enrolls in the Academy with an ending goal to rise in the ranks of the Gold's society. The only problem is that the school is literally a war among the students.

I was initially drawn to this book because of the interesting premise and the glowing early reviews from my friends on Goodreads. I was a little surprised to not have heard of this book, but was eager to find out what the fuss was about. The only thing that worried me was that a few of my more critical friends had either DNF'd or gave it a lower rating. As I started reading I could immediately see why so many gave up. Red Rising's beginning is very slow and often times a little dull. I did struggle through the first 100 pages and almost gave up myself a few times. Darrow isn't the most interesting guy to read about in the beginning and I didn't really connect well with him at first.

HOWEVER

When Darrow goes through his transformation and enrolls in the school SHIT GOT REAL really fast. I don't know what I was expecting when he got the academy. Desks, chairs, tests, teen drama on a grander scale, probably. What I didn't expect was for Darrow's first test to include killing a boy with his bare hands, placed in a House Mars with other killer teens with the expectation to conquer the other Houses through warfare. I mean, WHAT. That's the part where I had to go back and re-read the blurb, because WHAT WAS I READING? (Let me just say I can see this all playing out marvelously on the big screen. No wonder they optioned it for a movie.)

So naturally I abandoned Real Life and become hopelessly addicted to the story. Darrow, a boy filled with rage due to the injustice placed on him as a Red, is placed in House Mars with a bunch of other hotheads and psychopaths. Due to their nature, it's hard for them to agree on anything and the House quickly becomes divided with the stronger tribe being controlled by Titus. The House struggles to find food and water, some resorting to eating animals raw. Tensions continue to rise between the Housemates until it ultimately results in a few brutal deaths.

The Houses continue to battle between each other in a battlefield that resembles many High Fantasy stories, complete with castles and Grecian allusions, while their teachers watch on. For Darrow, winning this "game" means more than just getting a better career option in the Gold's society like the other students. It means being in a position of power to help the rebels free the Reds from slavery. Over the course of months, battles are lost/won, enemies are made and alliances formed. Darrow begins to see that it's not just Reds who are trapped within their color.

What I loved most about Red Rising was the action and premise. I don't think I've ever read a book that had such a jarring genre mesh up that actually works to the point where it feels like you've read two different books at once. The strategy of the battles and ambushes were well thought out, the characters were well-developed and the world building very rich, reminding me of The Bone Season. There are a lot of slang words that initially turned me off because there's so much and each color (think: caste system) has their own. The terms blooddamn, glorydamn, and goodman were the three that seemed to annoy me the most, but by the end, I felt I really had a good grasp on it all.

I also enjoyed Darrow as a character and his development from a person who was willing to stay under the Golds' boot to someone who was willing to poke the lion. I'm not sure at what point I started rooting for this guy, but by the end where Darrow is going HAM on everyone, I was completely entertained and couldn't turn pages fast enough. He reminded me of Huntsalone from The Seven Realms series in that way due to how tactical he had become. I also have to agree with the other reviewers that say Darrow is a Gary Stu, Mary Sue's more perfect and cuter brother. Ha. It's so true. He's one of those The One characters where it can only be him that brings the society to his knees. No other Red has gotten as far as him, who is as smart as him, has been this awesome. He does have his moments where he does fail and almost die, but for the most part he's The One. I personally didn't really care because I was having too much fun by the end, so there's that.

If there is one thing that really bothered me it would be the way rape was handled in the story. I understand that in times of war this happens and I wasn't bothered that it was included, but it was the way it was used to develop certain characters that did not sit well with me. This is one of the reasons why I'm just unsure what to rate Red Rising. The rape really bothered me to the point where I saw red, mainly because it was so unnecessary. But, at the same time, I did really enjoy the novel. I'll go into that deeper in my spoiler tag.

(view spoiler)[Titus' character was one that I felt lacked. His entire back story involves a tragedy where his wife was raped by Golds. So in an effort to gain revenge, he decides it's only fair to rape Gold women from other Houses who were captured during different battles. This is not a great way to use rape in a story. Titus' character is demonized and therefore viewed as unredeemable by the reader because he's done The Ultimate Bad Thing by raping women. This later justifies his death and makes Darrow look like a savior.

Then, while Darrow and a female character are camping out in a cave, boys enter and sexually assault her while Darrow is away. He comes back to see her in her underwear tied up. He punishes these boys by hunting them down and killing them. Again, he is the awesome savior of women.

Later, another situation of almost rape comes up when Darrow is in charge and he's left with the responsibility of punishing the criminal. Rape in that situation was used as the catalyst to make Darrow out to be The Ultimate Hero for stopping rape. Why is it that most of the Bad Guys are sexually assaulting women just for Darrow to come swooping in to the rescue? Using rape to condemn certain characters and raise others up is tasteless, in my opinion, and is a complete turn off. The sad thing is that Red Rising didn't need any of it to show the brutality of the Academy's warring Houses. There was enough killing to go around to prove that point. Having your female characters sexually assaulted just because they have vaginas and because rape must be the worst thing to happen to a woman is not the way to go. (hide spoiler)]

The ending was nothing short of entertaining. Lots of planning, revenge, battles and death. Just how I like my action. There really isn't a cliffhanger, thank goodness, but I REALLY want to know what happens next. I'm wondering if Golden Son will have as much action given where Darrow is headed next, but Pierce Brown has convinced me that I need to stick around to find out what happens next. I would recommend this to mature YA readers as this is considered Adult with crossover appeal to the YA audience. If it feels like you're stuck on those first 100 pages, take heart, the second half will blow your socks off, sucker punch you in the kidneys and feed your innards to the dogs. But you'll like it.

ARC was provided by the publisher for an honest review. No monies or gifts were exchanged.

More reviews and awesome things at Cuddlebuggery.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more

There is always a certain nervousness that comes with being the first critical review of a book. Not only are you instantlyActual rating: ZERO STARS.

There is always a certain nervousness that comes with being the first critical review of a book. Not only are you instantly the black sheep, but you may be worried how others will react. Now, combine that fear with the fact that your review may make a rather bold statement. Perhaps, it's something along the lines of accusing the book of being a direct rip off of one of the world's most beloved children's novels: Harry Potter.

But, yeah, I'm about to take it there.

I was recommended this book by a fellow "blogger" or so I thought at the time. No matter. I'm determined to let this book stand on its own merits, which are few and far between. I was told this book was an amazing new series. That it was original, exciting, funny, entertaining, etc. Adela Arthur and the Creator's Clock isn't any of those things.

Right from the beginning, before I was bitch slapped with glaring HP similarities, my eyes were accosted by poor use of the English language in the prologue. There were sentences repeated in an overall general condescending tone, choppy writing style that mostly consisted of very simple sentences and awkward sentence structure that was clearly attempting to be prestigious.

Never have I ever encountered so many cons within just the first 5 pages of a book. But here I was. I had accepted this book for review and when I get print copies, I feel this moral obligation to finish or at least give it the good college try. Yet, as I continued to read, the novel never improved.

With almost every character or plot deceive, there was a clear reference to either Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter, the latter stronger than the former. Shall we do a quick check list? (I attempted to draw a vinn diagram, but there were too many similarities and it wouldn't all fit in the middle.)

-MC is orphaned by the villain (the mother risks her life to save the MC)-MC grows up away from her "magical" world-MC finds out she belongs to a very powerful family -MC is the only one who can stop the villain -MC goes back to her world and studies at a boarding school castle that has 4 houses (each mirroring one of Hogwarts')-Everyone seems to be afraid of saying the villain's name except for the headmaster-There is a Hermione like character named Hector-There is a Malfoy like character who attempts to a form friendship with the MC because of her powerful family. MC refuses, embarrassing the Malfoy like character. -Villain has a special interest in coming for MC and attempts to enter into MC's mind-MC must take "mind defense" private lessons to keep villain out of her mind-MC joins the school's sports team (think Quidditch, but under water)-MC finds out her mother was a legend at the school's sport and everyone tells her, "It's in your blood!"-The school's dining hall is just as magical as Hogwarts', changing its decor magically-The school is run by elves -The villain mind controls a student to cause the MC problems at the school-At Christmas, the MC receives a mysterious gift that was her late father's accompanied with an anonymous note-One of the MC's school books screams. (I mean, c'mon. Really?!)-The villain has Deatheater like companions. They even travel in black, hooded robes.-Everyone seems to know the MC's name ("It's Adela Arthur!") -Birds deliver the mail -Adela and her posse end up in a forbidden forest, fighting an ogre, rescuing unicorns. *sigh*

(There are more smaller references, but I honestly can't be fucked to pour any more energy into this book to list them.)

Now, sure there were some differences like the MC's blatant lack of self-preservation that would rival Bella Swan's. After a classmate dies from an attack from a creature from her home world, she discovers that she must go back and fight the villain that no one can seem to defeat. The same villain that appears to be eating her people for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Does it matter to her that she knows nothing of her power or her world? No! Does it matter that many people sacrificed their lives for her so that she never had to come back to have her "mighty power" taken by the villain? NO!

But what does Adela do when she finally gets to her world? She complains about the burden of all the responsibilities she now has. She misses the human world. Why did she ever journey to this evil place? OH WOE IS ME. MY LIFE SUCKS! To put it bluntly, Adela is a brat and whenever she whines hard enough about anything, another character comes around or a plot device shows up to solve her problems. To say this was frustrating is an understatement.

Since I was apparently reading a proof, I can't comment too much on the grammar used. However, there were many instances in the narrative when repeat phrases or sentences over again on the same page or improper use of inflection. If character is yelling at another one, why not use exclamation points? Why is the reader constantly told by the narrator how a sentence is to be interpreted? This kind of writing style didn't work for me and made me consider on more than one occasion to whip out my red pen.

The world building leaves much to be desired, though, this is partly because there is hardly any world building at all. The most the reader is told is a very general story on how the magical world was formed and how the villain came into power (think: Voldemort). After that, Adela and the reader find out more by little info-dumps from other characters that often didn't work well with the novel's swift pacing.

In conclusion: I personally could only find one small redeeming factor: the author's attempts to include a lot of equally strong female characters. However, the cons heavily out way that one small ray of light. I've never gone so far as to tell another reader to not read a book, but in this case, I really can't make a good argument for someone to waste their time reading a Harry Potter knock-off. If you're looking to relive the magical world in which J.K. Rowling worked incredibly hard on for years, my advice would be to blow the dust off of the Philosopher's Stone, journey back to Hogwarts and don't look back.

**Small note on the controversy surrounding this book and author**I'm not sure if I should be extremely creeped out that someone went to such great lengths to get me to read a book or incredibly flattered that someone valued my opinion so much that they took to stalking me with various account across various social media avenues.

P.S. Why is there a big fat grammatical error in the title (On the cover)? Yikes.

I have to give the narrator, Elizabeth Knowelden,some credit here. She tried. She really, really tried to salvage this book by giving the main charactI have to give the narrator, Elizabeth Knowelden, some credit here. She tried. She really, really tried to salvage this book by giving the main character tons of personality, but not even she could change the source material. The fact is that Cruel Beauty made absolutely no damn sense.

How does the magic work? I dunno.

Who are the real bad guys? I dunno.

Wait, what's the SECRET. Well, I dunno because Nyx learns it and then FORGETS it on the next page to conveniently keep the plot rolling. Awesome.

HUH? There's time travel? ....Maybe, but not really. It's a SECRET that you'll never find out and/or stop caring about.

Cruel Beauty was like a mixing pot of great ideas that didn't get mixed very well. The oil rose to the top and the cake fell flat. Also, I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, kinda like this book. But the narrator's voice was nice....more

One of the biggest reasons for me wanting to read 3:59 was because it took place in a location very familiar to me. Like manyActual rating: 1.5 stars

One of the biggest reasons for me wanting to read 3:59 was because it took place in a location very familiar to me. Like many other readers, when I hear about a book that's set in my state or near my hometown, I feel this incessant need to read it by any means necessary. Unfortunately, 3:59 proved to be one big fat disappointment.

The book follows science wiz Josie Bryne who starts having dreams at 3:59 of a girl who looks just like her. As her own life begins to fall apart around her (she finds her boyfriend and best friend sleeping together, her parents divorce and she loses her job), she desperately wants the life she catches glimpses of when she sleeps. The girl Jo seems to have everything Josie wants: A perfect boyfriend, happily married parents and a perfect life. But when she finally gets the opportunity to cross over to Jo's world, she learns things are far from perfect.

This sounded like such an interesting concept with it being pitched as Parent Trap meets Event Horizon. I don't even know what Event Horizon is (Okay, so Kat says it's a really scary horror movie. 3:59 is neither of those things.), but Parent Trap (the one with Lindsay Lohan before her life took a decided turn for the worse) is one of my all-time favorite movies. Throw in some sci-fi alternate universe action and I'm totally there. Sadly, 3:59 bares no resemblance to Parent Trap at all and I really need for Harper to stop this whole "Awesome movie/book/concept" meets "Even more Awesome movie/book/concept" thing that they do. Frankly, they are usually so far off and misleading. It's like they're overcompensating for their novels. And let me tell you, there was some serious overcompensating going on for 3:59.

The Writing Style:So I took 3:59 with me one afternoon while I journeyed on the metro to my favorite children's book store. I read exactly 5 pages and had a sinking suspicion that this book was not going to be my thang. The writing style immediately had a very choppy weird feeling that never felt natural or smooth even as the novel progressed. There were inner monologues from the narrator found in between each section of dialogue, making the exchange seem very long. Someone would say something to Josie and then there'd be a paragraph monologue about what she was thinking or a bit of info-dumping. I couldn't help but to wonder what Josie would be doing in these time spans instead of answering the character's question. Was she staring at them while her brain worked to keep up with her mouth? Perhaps.

Flat Characters:I don't think there is a single character in this book that I liked or saw growth from. Everyone remained exactly the same from beginning to end. The narrator tells us that Josie had changed, that she was smarter and stronger, but I never got a sense of any of that. Each character had one trait that they encompassed and that's basically what they were for the entire novel.

The Plot:3:59 relies heavily on science to explain why things are the way they are. It's supposed to be clearly logical. Josie and her friend, Penelope, are supposed to appear smart. And I do appreciate McNeil having intelligent female protagonists solving the mystery. My problem was that since the science behind the book was so very complex, I had an extremely hard time seeing a high school student (or several of them!) knowing that much at such a young age. Is everyone a physics prodigy and able to keep up with all those formulas? Josie just happens to know more physics than her teachers?

But, okay. Maybe I could get behind this idea if all the science jargon didn't create so many opportunities to info dump. Let's be honest, hardly any readers will know what Josie knows. So whenever Josie and Penelope went off of their science talk, there was conveniently another character in the room asking for the For Dummies version. Look, I am not the kind of reader who is easily impressed with an author's ability to recite Big Science Words. So I need to be able to see some type of explanation, and I never really got that. Instead, I got more questions: Where did the mirror in Jo's room come from despite Josie never having one in her room until she moved it there? Why did Josie only start having the dreams recently even though the connection to both worlds had been open for 6 months?

Then we move on to the actual logical fails 3:59 was filled with. There's this part in the book where Josie and Nick go on a tour of Fort Meade (a highly guarded military facility that houses different government divisions like NSA) where they are given a tour by one of the Directors. Somehow, Josie convinces the Director (because he's attracted to her) to give them a tour of a floor they have no business being on. Somehow, conveniently the halls are deserted. That is so inaccurate, I can't even. Then she conveniently leaves her purse on that floor in the bathroom only to later bat her eyelashes at the Director for his access card so she can retrieve it alone. I understand that this is fiction, but Josie was given way too many free passes in this novel. I don't care if she batted her eyelashes so hard that her eyes got stuck in a permanent twitch, there is no way someone is handing over their security badge at the Fort. And there is no way she would make it back up to that same off-limits floor with no one stopping her. You can't just walk around the Fort unescorted. It doesn't happen for security reasons. Where was the research done here?

But I get it. Sometimes you just have to go with it when it comes to some books (hard as that is for me most times). This book was supposed to be built around scientific logic, so I expected basic common sense rules to be applied in other aspects as well. Clearly, I was asking too much because later in the book, Josie just thinks to ask her father (in the alternate universe) to steal a government laser from Fort Meade. The exchange went ridiculously something like this:

"Hey, daddy? Can you steal that government laser for the highly guarded military facility? I need it. I love you so much! xoxoxo!"

"Anything for you, princess! Shall I pick you up some Burger King on the way out the Fort?"

Are you kidding? For Josie to be so smart, I am actually surprised she thought this was legit a possibility even after her real mother specifically told her to trust no one.

Then, right after a character is brutally eaten to death by the nox (creatures that haunt the alternate universe and eat people) right in front of Josie and Nick, these fools start making out right there. Things get hot and heavy, Josie has a moment when she realizes she's in love and she reaches up and grabs the dude's severed ankle.

"OMG, I freakin' love this guy I'm making out with!"

"This is so hot."

"Oh, shit. Is that a foot? Gah! How did this body get here?!"

"Oh, right. He just died."

Gag me, please.

It was there 3:59 and I had a strange turn of events. The book went from giving me a lot of these moments:

To where I could barely suppress a laugh:

Honestly, though, I was still being entertained... just not in the way the author probably intended it.

Insta-Love:So as if this couldn't get any worse, this happens:

She'd never felt this way with her ex-boyfriend. This was something different. Something deeper. Even though they had only known each other a few days, Nick knew her better than anyone else, and loved her even more because of it. - Quoted from 3:59 ARC, page 348.

Sure, sure. She's in love with this guy even though they've had maybe a handful of conversations (all of them related to the plot and had nothing to do with actually finding out things about each other), one of which was sparked by him pointing a gun at her. Boyfriend of the year!

I never once felt the connection between the two. They were these character stuck in this situation and randomly, romance was thrown in because, hey, every YA book has to have its romance. (Obviously, that was sarcasm.) But in the end, the romance didn't add anything extra to the reading experience and felt contrived and forced.

Predictability:However, I might have even forgiven all of that if only the entire mystery hadn't been so predictable. I know 3:59 is being pitched as a sci-fi thriller, but I never once felt the urgency because things were so painfully obvious. I knew who the bad guy was, what happened to her parents, who was attacking the humans, etc. Josie is depicted as a really smart protagonist, but again, spouting off science words is not enough if the reader is two steps ahead of your detective. The really sad part is that the mystery wasn't bad at all, but really lacked better foreshadowing and a much tighter plot. If I've already figured out the mystery by 50%, there's really no reason for me to stick around.

Not only was the plot predictable, but the character actions. And this is where I feel good old fashion character growth would have helped. Josie, as trusting and sweet as she was depicted, was, frankly, TSTL. I don't think this was intentional, but when you keep telling the reader how smart your character is, but they continually do really dumb things, it rarely works for me.

To Conclude:In the end, 3:59 didn't live up to my expectations. Had the plot and mystery been tighter, the characters better developed and the romance cleaned up, I would have probably really loved this one. Would I recommend this? My first reaction is, "Eh, no." But I do think if the above doesn't bother you much in novels, you may enjoy this one. I would, instead, strongly recommend checking out a sample to see if the writing style works for you and then abandoning all sense of logic at page one.

EDIT: Okay, here's the thing, I feel the need to clarify a few things. This review is in no way, shape or form alluding to the fact that the author isEDIT: Okay, here's the thing, I feel the need to clarify a few things. This review is in no way, shape or form alluding to the fact that the author is sexist. Are there characters in the novel that are depicted as sexist? Yes. Do I think the author is sexist and that he was trying to write a sexist book? No. Did the book come off as sexist to me? Yes.

This is just an interpretation of the novel and has nothing to do with the author's intention. Just so we're clear.

--------------

Actual rating: NO STARS

I can't believe I survived. Should I laugh? Cry?

Definitely both.

Full disclosure: I went into this book with a suspicion that I might not enjoy it after my bookish twin panned it. But since I requested this book and was sent a paper ARC from the publisher, I thought I'd try to go in with an open mind and try it out.

That was probably not the best decision I've ever made in life.

It goes without saying that this review will be long, contain spoilers and quotes that might possibly make your eyes bleed. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

There are two reasons why I felt I NEEDED to have this book. (1) Just look at that cover! (2) The blurb made it sound like a fun summer read. On both of those counts I was mislead, but especially when it came to the blurb. If you think this book has romance, guess again. If you think it will keep you on the edge of your seat, guess again. If you expect this book to be coherent in any fashion, guess again!

What you will get with September Girls is an anti-climatic plot, slut shaming, gendered language, poorly represented feminism and sexism. Oh and penises. Isn't it everything you could have hoped and dreamed for in a mermaid novel?

Terrible Characters:

Okay so the book follows this boy named Sam. His mother has just left him, his brother, Jeff, and his dad for some mysterious placed called Women's Land (more on that in a bit.) Sam's dad quits his job and they journey to this strange beach that is brimming with girls. Not just any girls. Highly sexualized, blond, perky breasted, toned-bottomed, tanned girls. And guess what? They all want Sam. Sam, who slut shames, starting from page 25 where he reminisces about groping a girl's breasts "through her deliberately slutty Alice in Wonderland costume." Sam, you can't feel a girl up and then slut shame her once you've gotten what you want, silly!

Then you have Jeff, who's only care in the world is having sex as much as possible over the summer. He doesn't particularly care who it's with as long as she is hot and preferably drunk. You know, the usual standards.

"Oh, who gives a fuck," Jeff said. "The point is they're hot and they're here. I hope they're already drunk when we get to the party. I hope they are ready for a piece of this." He groped his crotch obnoxiously.

Such an outstanding gentleman. Ladies, don't rush this stud all at once!

Sebastian was a really random character who didn't even have physical presence in the book, but I've decided I hated him slightly more than the others. You see, Sebastian was just full of dating advice for Sam. And when in doubt, Sam would always wonder what his good old buddy would say.

Oh, Sebastian, I'm such a boring character with absolutely no depth or personality and this hottie is talking to me. What should I say?

"Girls like to talk about themselves. If you can't think of anything to say, just ask some dumb question about nothing, and if you're lucky she'll go off and you won't have to say anything else for another ten minutes and she'll think you're a great listener."

He's like a Dr. Phil, I swear. He clearly understands the complexity of the female mind.

But... I think I might be falling for her even though we've only interacted a few times. I'm thinking about her all the time, but she seems smart and appears to be ignoring me. What now?! Should I go looking for her, find out where she lives, visit her at her work place until she relents?

"Wait, this is all over some girl? Don't be such a fucking vagina, dude! I mean, dude! You go to the beach for a month and you turn into a human tampon!"

What a guy! I just love it when someone uses the name of my genitals to insult someone! For those of you like me with small female minds, that roughly translated as:

Were any of the above quotes supposed think, "Oh hells yeah. These guys sound so authentic. This book is so--" Wait, let me see what the back of the ARC says. Oh yeah, "poetic and punchy, sarcastic and true," says Sara Shepard. Well, damn. Who am I to argue with that logic and quotes that were clearly "sarcastic and true." I suppose I'm just a sensitive little female with no humor bone in her body. In fact, I have no bones. I am made of tampons.

What I really don't understand is why Madison couldn't make any of his characters likable. Having your male characters degrade women with their words at any chance they get isn't authentic. It's insulting to both genders and a disservice to humanity.

Anti-climatic plot:

There were times when September Girls attempted to actually tell a story. The only problem is that almost nothing ever happens. Oh, I lied. Sam does do things. Here is his routine:

-Wake up-Monologue-Walk around the beach-Monologue-Have women thrown at his feet-Monologue-Stare at a Girl's "heart-shaped ass." *raging boner* That slut.-Monologue-Come home-Skip monologue. The Price is Right is on.-Monologue-Jerk off-Ahhhh... sweet self-satisfaction!-Sleep

Oh shit, I hope not!

Slut Shaming:

September Girls' biggest problem would have to be the amount of slut shaming and the overall deeming attitude toward women. (And if you are unfamiliar with what slut shaming is, here is a great article at The Book Lantern.) Jeff just looks at them as conquest, something to satisfy his pleasure. Sebastian can't be fucked to show any human decency. And Sam follows after the other two, except he takes it a step further when his brother starts hanging out more with a certain Girl named Kristle:

"He had clearly entangled himself in that dire pussy-web he'd warned me about on our first night here."

That's right, guys! Beware the female "pussy-web." It'll gettcha! What kills me about this is that it isn't assumed that his brother may like Kristle just because she's a person. Instead, they reason that if a guy falls for a girl it is strictly because of what she is offering sexually, therefore, objectifying her.

"And by the way, Kristle's a total slut, so I hope you haven't caught anything from her yet."

Tell us how you really feel, Sam.

"Okay, she's not a slut," I said testily. "Just a skank."

So glad we got that cleared up!

Not only do the men in this novel have a blatant disrespect for women and slut shame, but the Girls do as well. The one Girl who does this the most is one special ray of sunshine named DeeDee. Now, mostly DeeDee just talks a bunch of shit and makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. She was also their resident Ho-olgist. She knew all about dem hos in the bible. Those are her favorite stories. Dem hos. See if you can keep up with the poetry she's spittin':

"I like the parts about hos, even if they always come to a bad end. Eat a fucking apple, you're a ho. Open a box, you're a ho. Some guy looks at you: turn to stone, ho. See you later, ho. It's always the same. The best one is Lilith--also a ho, but a different kind of ho. She went and got her own little thing going, and for that she gets to be an eternal demon queen, lucky her. No one likes a ho. Except when they do, which, obviously, is most of the time. Doesn't make a difference; she always gets hers eventually."

Wut.

"Is that really in the Bible?"

"No. Some of it. Well, the ho with the apple at least."

"I never thought of her as a ho."

"Think again."

The ho... with the apple. I... HUH?

"God," DeeDee said, reaching for an ashtray and stubbing out her cigarette. I couldn't take my eyes off her. "Kristle can be so ridiculous. But who knows what I'd do without her. Total ho, by the way--not that I'm judging; I actually like hos myself. Maybe I am one--I barely know what counts anymore. Being blond certainly never helped anyone's case."

She's probably even got hos in different area codes. I wouldn't put it past her.

Poor Representation of Feminism:

And this is the part that really made me rage. So Sam's mom was a housewife from what I gather from the book. Now the thing is, when you are a parent or mate that stays home, it can be very easy to fall into the rut of *exclusively* taking care of everyone else and forgetting your needs too. Moreover, everyone else in the household might forget. That's why it's so important to find a hobby, get outside the house, do things for yourself for your own sanity and health. There is a scene where Sam and DeeDee are talking about housewives and how she feels being a housewife would be fun because they don't work and they are apparently "free." Sam has a monologue moment where he says "my mother spouted about something called the Feminine Mystique" and he considered it "pure shit."

Then he goes on to say this:

"If you were housewives you could just sit around all day with your feet in footbaths full of Epsom salts."

This is a common misconception of the role of a housewife and it's one of the most under-appreciated jobs a person can ever have. That passage is problematic and further perpetuates the stereotype of a housewife being lazy and doing nothing all day. I REALLY don't appreciate the attempted humor here when in the 1950s, suburban living had a very high rate of suicides among women. (Richard Yates highlighted this a bit in his novel Revolutionary Road. There was also a film adaptation where the DiCaprio/Winslet duo wrecked havoc on my feels yet again!) Managing the home and kids while being separated from society literally drove some women insane. Even in today's world, women who stay at home suffer more emotionally then their working counterparts.

Back in May of 2012, Gallup.com did a survey of over 60,000 US women between the ages of 18-64 and their results were depressing.

Stay-at-home moms also lag behind employed moms in terms of their daily positive emotions: They are less likely to say they smiled or laughed a lot, learned something interesting, and experienced enjoyment and happiness "yesterday." Additionally, they are less likely than employed moms to rate their lives highly enough to be considered "thriving." - Gallup.com

Mothers at home also can have feelings of worthlessness and lack of accomplishment. Many of what they do, volunteering in schools and taking care of the children, goes ignored in our society. I think it was in very poor taste for Madison to use this as joke fodder in his novel. Sam was only one step away from calling her a "bored housewife." At this point nothing should surprise you in this book when it is nothing BUT female stereotypes.

So his mom stayed home to take care of her family until one day she discovered FaceBook. First, she would post things on his FaceBook wall, but then she moved onto Farmville (which I hear is ridiculously addictive). He complains about her always being in the basement on the computer all day playing this game. And when she's not playing, she's always talking about it. But according to Sam, the real problem starts when she makes friends. Because his mother having a life is definitely a major problem! I guess he expected his mother to do his laundry and cook him dinner forever and ever!

"She got all interested in this weird crap that she wouldn't have been able to tell you about before. She's reading all this poetry; she has a Tumblr, although I avoided looking at it. She won't shut up about this thing called the SCUM Manifesto..."

Sounds to me like his mother developed a hobby and found a means to have other human interaction. And hey, that's a good thing!

In the Gallup study, stay-at-home moms found other ways to cope with depression by continuing education, blogging and joining the gym to have some social time with others. - CBS Atlantica

What I also dislike is the reason why she decided to leave her family. Madison had an opportunity to show feminism in a positive light, but he instead showed an extremist. Right after she reads SCUM Manifesto this happens:

"Then one day I'm getting ready for school and she knocks on my door with a bag packed and she tells me she's going to live at something called Women's Land, where no one ever has to talk to men."

Of course. Here is evil feminism breaking up a perfectly good family. I supposed this is just as good a time to reveal my master plan. Ladies, are you ready take over the world, moving all men underground only to be used for breeding, whist women rule the world? Muahahahahahaha!

The next section spoils the ending, so click only if you are burning with curiosity or rage. Either will do.

The Girls are all bound to this little beach by a curse placed on them by their father for... reasons. I didn't really understand why this was, but I think it had something to do with seeking revenge on their mother. BTW, their dad is the Endlessness and their mother is the Deepness. Don't ask me what that means. Anyway, it's really not important. What's important is this curse because it's the reason for why the Girls are so sexual. The book has sections where the Girls narrate and they describe this "knife" they have. This supposed "knife" is basically good looks. Perky breasts, perfect butt, blond, overall hotness. This is another stereotype I picked up on where women, who approach men instead of waiting for a guy or use their looks to gain things, are looked at as "predators."

But, of course, when the summer ends the Girls go into some weird lethargic state where their hair skin become dull and their faces sullen. No boys, no "knife." So basically this is how I pictured them:

The only way each one of them to break the curse is if they have sex with a virgin boy. And they can't even initiate the encounter. They have to wait for Sam to talk to them first. So let's recap here: Not only do the Girls not have a choice when it comes to breaking the curse (well, they kinda do: break it or die), but it must be done by a male penis swooping in to liberate them. Their sexuality is not their own. It is owned by men.

I mean, goddamn! I really think this book hit on almost every way to demean a women. That is quite a feat considering I never thought I'd read a book that offended me more than Fifty Shades of Grey. Congrats, September Girls! You get the new title of Worst Book I've Ever Read right up there next to Revealing Eden.

If it isn't obvious, this book is terrible and I could never recommend it with a good conscious. But what do I know? Both Kirkus and Publisher's Weekly thought it was brilliant and gave it glowing reviews. Clearly, this is the sign of the end of the world because here's the truth: Reading September Girls was like being swept away by the ocean and drowni--

CLEAR!

ARC was received via publisher for an honest review. No monies or favors were exchanged, though, I guess that's pretty obvious.

Also, check out Debby's review from The Snuggly Orange for an even bigger aneurysm.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more

"I believe that anyone who reads the novel will understand its strong stance against racism."-Victoria Fyot (Judging A Book By Its Cover Gives Birth

"I believe that anyone who reads the novel will understand its strong stance against racism."-Victoria Fyot (Judging A Book By Its Cover Gives Birth To Racism)

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you failed. Badly. To say Revealing Eden is offensive is such a massive understatement. I couldn't even stomach more that a few pages at a time. It was like taking a spork to your eye, but then it breaks leaving you with only the handle to carry out your dark deed. Even with the obvious racism aside, the Revealing Eden is simply not good. From the dialogue to the characters to the plot, it was very badly written. A tragic mess.

There are a few things you should know before reading this review:

1. I am an African-American.2. I went into this book knowing I would probably dislike it. Why? -Because I'm obviously masochistic. -Because I'm taking one for the team. You're welcome. -Because Foyt made a statement that not many African-Americans had read her book. Here I am and yes, we still exist.3. I will most likely address a few statements made by Foyt about her novel as it pertains to Revealing Eden.4. Oh, and this review is kinda long. Sorry about that. LOADS to cover. >.<

Apparently, according to Victoria Foyt the population of white people have plummeted due to an increase in sun radiation, leaving black people in charge. My first issue was with the lack of science in that premise. (And no. Throwing out random scientific names of insects, animals and plants does not signify that you've done your homework.) If the sun's radiation was *that* bad, being black won't do you that much good. What's even more odd is that for majority of the novel, Eden is hanging out outside in the sun without her coating (more on that later).I kept waiting for her to complain about how hot it was or that her skin felt burnt, but it never happened. Her father is working in a lab attempting to genetically alter people so that they have animal traits and no one has created a better sunblock or, I don't know, CURED CANCER?! Where is the logic in that?

Whites in this novel are considered a burden to society since they have such a low rate of survival. If one does not have a mate by age 18, they are to be sentenced to death. There seems to be an obvious solution to this hypothetical problem: breed out the weaker genetics. But instead white people are oppressed just for the sake of oppression. And even though Eden knows she has had two mating offers, she refuses to accept either one, choosing to wait for her "Dark Prince" in hopes that he will pick up her mating option. Her reasoning?

"Because I don't want my child to be all Pearl. I'd rather be dead than mate with one of my kind."

*sigh* I can't believe I have to break this down, but if a black person and a white person have a baby, that doesn't automatically guarantee a dark-skinned baby. In fact, some may have very fair complexion. Funny thing the way genetics works. But what did I expect? Almost all the dark-skinned people in Revealing Eden were black as night. The one person who is mentioned with brown skin is assumed to be mixed. *Shaking my head* It was then I should have realized that logic was not going to be Revealing Eden's strong point.

In order for Eden to fit in, she walks around with a coating of "Midnight Luster" on her skin and hair. She talks about dying her hair black and I couldn't figure out why she was doing that. Doesn't Foyt know that black peoples' hair is not actually black? Is that a common misconception even today? It's weird because it's something I've never thought of before. Sure, there are some whose hair is black, but it's not very common at all. It was the little things like that were I noticed a trend beginning: Foyt did absolutely no research on African-Americans or any other race for that matter. It is very evident by her constant reliance on black stereotypes applied even to white characters.

*Warning: Many quote-inducing headdesking ahead.

Applying black stereotypes to a white female to generate sympathy for the main character:

Oh and I can't forget about the constant theme running rampant that black people are out to get the white people. As if black people, that are now in charge, have nothing else better to do with their time than antagonize others. White women everywhere are doing the "White Woman's Workout." >_>

Every black person in the world is out to get white people:

"She suspected that each and every Coal passerby wanted to hurt her..."

It's always black people:

"All of a sudden, she heard two men behind her. Coals, she figured by their careless, drunken laughter."

Songs about black men raping a white girl:

Little Pearly whirly,lost inside the mines;tossed from Coal to Coal, in fear, she whines,"I'm sorry, Mother,he said he only wanted to see my white skin shine."

Even more rape comparisons:

She felt more violated than if she'd been raped.

Go on and scream. Let it out.

And on and on it goes. But then it gets worse when because there doesn't seem to be any indication that slavery or the Civil Rights Movement ever happened. How was she being oppressed? Well as far as I can tell, white people were well-fed, had their own places, had jobs etc. The biggest thing against them was the mating age, having to wear their "coating" (I'm not sure if that was a law or anything) and getting rude remarks from black people. On a few occasions Eden even wishes the world could go back to a time where white people were free to go outside with their white skin without being persecuted. She frequently says that a black person couldn't possibly understand what it was like to be in her shoes. *slow blink*

"Someday, when you're locked up in a cage, Bramford, maybe you'll understand what it feels like to be an outcast."

If only Bramford knew what it was like to be an outcast.

Maybe now he would know how it felt to be judged by your appearance.

What did Bramford know about disappointment?

Yeah, that's not offensive at all. Not one bit. #sarcasm

And then there is the issue of the FFP A.K.A. the Federation of Free People, "a militant organization of Coals that vowed to rid the planet of Pearls." Pause. *deep breaths* How am I supposed to take that? The Federation of FREE People? Get me off this planet. I'm just going to leave that alone before I start seeing blood-red. Too late, I just saw red. Excuse me.

Okay, sorry about that. That was a tad awkward.

I also want to address the titles given to the races.

White- Pearls

Asian- Ambers

Latino- Tiger Eyes

Black- Coals

Albino- Cottons

Are you kidding me? Coals? As in black as coals? Pearls? As in precious pieces of jewelry? Cotton? As in what my ancestors were forced to pick in the fields? Do I even need to explain how offensive that is? And Foyt's response to the backlash of these titles?

"Why are whites called Pearls, while blacks are called Coals? Imagine a gritty, post-apocalyptic world where all that matters is survival. What good will a pearl do you when luxury items have no use? Coal has energy, fire, and real value. It is durable and strong, not easily crushed like a pearl. Pearl is a pejorative term here. Coals are admired. Coals oppress Pearls because they fear that those with light skin will add to a population unable to survive “The Heat,” and drain meager resources."

No, no, no, no. NO! You do not give a title that has been used as a racial slur to a people who have been oppressed. You do not do that. And if you think any of that is okay, something is deeply wrong with you. By no stretch of the imagination can "Pearl" be considered a racial slur. Unless, along with common sense, this society has happened to lose every dictionary in existance. In which case, I shall provide the definition.

pearl1 [purl] noun1. a smooth, rounded bead formed within the shells of certain mollusks and composed of the mineral aragonite or calcite in a matrix, deposited in concentric layers as a protective coating around an irritating foreign object: valued as a gem when lustrous and finely colored. Compare cultured pearl.2. something resembling this, as various synthetic substances for use in costume jewelry.3. something similar in form, luster, etc., as a dewdrop or a capsule of medicine.4. something precious or choice; the finest example of anything: pearls of wisdom.5. a very pale gray approaching white but commonly with a bluish tinge.

Yup, that is just the title I would give to a group that is being oppressed. Tell them they're worthless while giving them a name that literally means precious. Moreover, if "Coal" supposed to be a positive title, highlighting their strengths, then why is "Cotton" considered derogatory? By definition cotton is a very useful resource. It's strong, durable, able to withstand cold and hot temperatures. So what's the deal here?

Only Cottons, the derogatory word for albinos, were lower, and they were extinct.

I don't think for a second Fyot didn't know what she was doing when she wrote that because in the beginning of the novel she calls "Coal" a racial slur herself.

Before she knew it, she blurted out an incendiary racial slur. "Gets your hands off of me, you damn Coal!"

First of all, I'm surprised she was still alive after saying that to someone of the elite class. Surely if Pearls are so worthless and oppressed, there would be severe consequences for an action like that? Second, Foyt is again baking her cake and trying to stuff her face with it too. Which one is it? It's either a positive term or a racial slur. It cannot be both. I'll tell you what I think. I think Foyt was just trying to smooth things over with her choice of words. And failed, I might add, because my bullshit meter is about to explode.

In the second half of the novel I had no idea what was going on half the time. The scenes were very jumbled with no clear direction of where the plot was headed. World building left way too many holes in the story. Because surely there are more races on Earth that just the ones listed in Revealing Eden. Character interactions were much of the same confusion. But I think that it mostly had to do with the fact that Eden was a fucking idiot. Her stupidity burned. For real.

From this day forward I can never say Bella Swan was the worst. Eden is the worst protagonist I have ever read. Not only does she completely miss the point over and over again, regardless of how many times it is spelled out, but she is extremely selfish and all around unlikable. There is a scene in the novel where Eden happens across an anaconda and I felt myself rooting for the snake. Sadly, he didn't win. *weeps*

One thing that was clear was how Eden suddenly became attracted to Bramford after he became half beast. One minute she is talking about how sexy he is and the next she is calling him names, even after he saves her life several times. (Bold is mine.)

That dumb beast had been gone since yesterday afternoon.

And why had she thought the dress would please such an insensitive brute?

"Is this where you lock up your victims? You're an animal, Bramford."

The selfish beast simply dropped the subject and ignored her.

Also she likes to ride him like an animal:

She sunk her fingers into his long silky hair, like reins on a horse. As if she controlled the beast. Eden knew it wasn't true, but she enjoyed the illusion just the same.

What. The. Hell. A black man is turned into an animal and you have your white protagonist daydreaming about riding him like a frickin' pony? I just... can't.

When I finally finished reading Revealing Eden I had to ask myself what kind of person would think any of this would be remotely okay? Foyt says:

"So yes, this book is meant to provoke the white community that has never experienced racism or been oppressed because they have been in the majority in this country."

I take issue with the white community only able to be provoked by featuring a white girl who is oppressed by black people using the very same stereotypes we fight against everyday. So, yes. I taking extreme offense to that. If Foyt is indeed "color blind" as she claims then making readers connect with a black character shouldn't be a problem for her. But instead she chose to "turn racism on its head" and say, "Black folk, I know you guys have dealt with some really rough shit in the past, but what if it happened to white people?" No, just no. The African-American community exists *because* of the oppression. It is our history, our roots. It is the one thing that must be left alone. You can't just take that away from us and apply it yourselves and make us look like the bad guys in your novel! This is one of the few times where I had to sit back and wonder who could possibly enjoy this book.

"And if you ask if all these reviewers are white then consider that you have a racist point of view."

Oh, really? Racist point of view? Racism isn't dead. It's something that many of us has to face everyday. As a people, it is ingrained in our society that our features are less desirable than that of whites. There are somethings some people will never understand. They have never had to walk in the shoes of another race and therefore they have limited understanding on what it means to be a Person of Color. When you get followed around in a clothing store because of your skin color, when you can't go into the 7-11 with your hoodie on, when a job tells you your natural hair is "unprofessional," when your 4-year-old daughter asks you why her hair doesn't "go down like a princess" as if hers could never be considered as such, when you see celebrities of your race white washed in ad campaigns, when your male relatives are arrested for looking suspicious, when you see your grandparents cry after Obama was elected because they thought they would never live to see the day where a black man held office, when you know there are some parts of the country where you are just not welcome because of your skin color, or when you walk down the aisle of your local book store and all you see on the book covers are white people, with a small section devoted to African-Americans, you realize you are living in a white world. Racist point of view? Wherever would one have gotten that?

I think this goes without saying: NO STARS FOR YOU!

*SARCASM ALERT*

You didn't think I'd just leave it on that unhappy note did you? Pfft, as if!

Ay yo, if black people truly ruled da world we damn sure wouldn't be toting 'round some whack name like "Coals." Naw, we'd go for something MUCH more gangsta like, ChocolateThundas. Then we'd go n' elect Snoop Dogg as our president and Dave Chappelle as our VP, ya feel meh? We'd give women back control of their bodies. We'd legalize MJ and the national anthem would be "Young, Wild and Free." We'd move the capital to the ATL, where we like to "throw dem bones." Grillz would be covered by dental insurance. Free health care to all citizens. Oppress white people? Naw, we ain't got time fo' dat shit, man! We'd be too busy spending our reparation money from da Gov'ment, giving back to the economy.

Chicken spots n' drive through liquor stores would be on every corner. You welcome! (So what, we get drunk...). 12pm would be a mandatory nation wide nap time, which no one would pay any attention to. Fuck the system! (So what, we don't sleep...). Though dey should 'cause "The Itis" is a very serious condition affecting 1 out of 2 black folk e'rywhere. And finally, random flash mob dances would be to songs like "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It" and "We Fly High" (We just havin' fun and we don't care who sees...).

We stay fly. No lie. You know dis...

Book was provided by publisher/author via NetGalley for an honest review.

I feel like I'm in a slump right now. I've been craving some sci-fi, but they last two books have done less than impress me. What is going on? What doI feel like I'm in a slump right now. I've been craving some sci-fi, but they last two books have done less than impress me. What is going on? What do I have to do, start lowering my standards? Is it too hard to ask for a dynamic cast of characters, action, drama, mystery and romance?! Oh...wait. Didn't this book promise me that? Huh. Well, let's get one thing out the way right now. That blurb is misleading.

But before we get into all that, I want to take you on a flashback. Yes, a flashback. Back to yester-year...

I don't know why, but I have this soft spot for robots. Perhaps even more than the average person should. Every time I see a book or TV show about them, I have this strong uncontrollable urge to read/watch it. Now, a few years back, there was this show that came on FOX called The Sarah Conner Chronicles that showed John Conner's life as a teen on the run with his mom. I faithfully DVR'd it every week. I thought it was gripping and amazing. Though, clearly my opinion mattered very little because the show was eventually moved to Friday night - which is the kiss of death in TV land - and then, later cancelled. I was pretty bummed out about it. I mean, why do they cancel all the good shows? WHY?

*ahem*

Right, so about Revolution 19, because I'm betting you didn't click this review to find out my life story and robots (or did you?). Believe it or not, the above paragraph had a point. The point being, when I heard about Revolution 19 I knew I had to have it. I was SO excited and hoped that I could somehow fill the void in my robotic heart that FOX left in my chest like a leaking hole of utter despair. But I was failed again! A-a-and the hole just keeps getting bigger with every awful YA sci-fi book I read until I feel like it's just gonna swallow me whole and I can't breathe and I'm sitting in a corner, singing a Justin Timberlake song, crying a river and, and, and.... oh dear. It's like I've become the Anti-Steph: Bella Swan. I've become emotionally compromised. Quick! Someone get Spock!

Long story short, Revolution 19 disappointed me for three very good reasons.

The Characters:

So the blurb says, "With a dynamic cast of characters..." Okay, yeah. Let's go with that and pretend that was the case here. Maybe, just maybe this book could have gotten 2 stars from me if I cared about one character. But the truth of the matter is that none were developed enough. Ever heard of the phrase 'one track mind'? That's similar to how I found these characters. They were all 'one track-traited'. The three protagonists are each given basic traits that they embody throughout the novel. Kevin (13) likes technology, Cass (15) is athletic and Nick (17) is brave/stubborn/fearless/determined/stupid?

That's all we know about these characters and it seemed that was all they knew about themselves too. Take, for example, Kevin. Everything was going to shit and all he could think about at times was, "Oh! Is that a 3D TV? Check out the resolution on this!" He did this every time and new, shiny piece of equipment was introduced like clockwork. Nick chose any and every opportunity to do something stupid at the personal risk of people trying to help him. He displays a blatant disrespect for the family that takes him and his siblings in by sneaking out and disobeying their rules of remaining hidden from the robots. But he's labeled as being brave. Is he remorseful for the trouble he causes them? Not in the slightest because he does it over and over again. I have a feeling that this novel was extended thanks to the sheer stupidity of most of his decisions. Don't get me wrong, I expect a certain level of mistakes being made by a teen cast (or any cast of characters for that matter), but I also expect common sense to be utilized.

And then there is Cass, whose role I'm not entirely convinced was needed besides Rosenblum throwing an athletic girl into the story just to say, "Hey, look! Progression!" Great. She can run. But, of course, she gets subtly sexually harassed by two characters, one of whom throws so many sexual innuendos at her, that she later ends up liking. Of course. The other one really disturbed me: The kids find some guy living in the woods, who stares at Cass the entire time, licking his lips. She folds her arms over her chest and the narrative alludes to her being uncomfortable. Who wouldn't? That was the book's first biggest strike for me. Some dystopian/post-apocalyptic novels do this thing that irritates me:

I just do not like how female characters are used like that. And one could argue that her role will be larger in book two (based on the ending), but it just feels like a convenient way to include her into the story line. Or better yet, move the plot along when it's clear her role serves no other purpose.

The supporting cast only serve to provide a way out to the main characters. Every time they get in trouble we are then introduced to another character that has just the skill set needed to get them out of the fix they're in. They have no substance, especially Lexie, who claims she risks her life for them because she is bored and is looking for some fun. -_- Right.

Furthermore, there is no romance. A couple of smiles dispersed throughout the novel and two kisses made of random, do not equal romance.

The Writing:

Definitely not my cup of tea. I like my narrative with a little more depth and complexity than Revolution 19 offered. Have you ever read a movie script before? That's how this book reads. It's very fast paced and not in the sense that things are just happening rather quick. It's more of an issue of things not being properly explained, giving off an over all rushed feeling. Though this should not surprise me since Revolution 19 was planned from the beginning to be both a YA series and film. And in that respect, I could see this working well on-screen with good actors, but it didn't translate well in book form. For example, there is virtually no world building and it feels like the author is heavily relying on the reader's knowledge of The Terminator to build his story. There is a brief prologue saying robots took over world and that's pretty much all you get. Let me not forget the weird slang/terminology of the time period that seemed entirely forced and distracting.

The Robots:

I knew going into this book that the author and company was pulling heavily on The Terminator to create this story. And I was okay with that because in my mind I got to see scary robots destroying things, chasing little humans around. Not unreasonable, right? Well imagine my surprise when robots are described as having flat and featureless faces except for rectangular openings for their eyes. Oh and did I mention they roll? So basically, the world has been taken over by a bunch of Wall-es, huh?

Oh, whoops! They are also 8ft tall. So the more accurate depiction would be Number 5 from Short Circuit.

Awesome. Mankind gets enslaved by evil robots, whose true crime will be reminding us forevermore of bad 80's movies. The world is so screwed. (Okay, so I totally loved that movie, but that is besides the point, people!)

I mean, is that even remotely scary? The other 'bots' are no better as just pieces of metal that hovers. But the thing that gets me, is that the robots take themselves so seriously that they TALK IN ALL CAPS. All the while, I'm thinking why are humans afraid of these robots? Oh, right. Their "lasers". *snort* You remember that moment in Toy Story where Woody is chewing out Buzz at the gas station? Well, every time one of those 'bots' came rolling around I'm like:

Random Thing that Has Nothing to do With the Story, but Still Annoyed Me:

Why is the cover model a girl? (Yes, it's a girl as she is wearing eyeliner, eye shadow and mascara on the cover.) In the novel, it's Nick that has the robotic eye and I'm pretty sure he is of Y chromosome variety. Cover, y u lie 2 meh?

In conclusion, I'm sad this didn't do much for me and I can't say I'd really recommend it to anyone either. When it all boiled down to it, Revolution 19 is a lackluster novel with a premise that had potential, but instead yielded a boring plot, boring cast of characters and equally boring robots. I will have to continue on my search for fabulous YA Sci-Fi reads. Unfortunately, this was not one of them.

On the back of my ARC it reads: "It's Graceling meets Eon in this action-packed fantasy adventure by debut authorActual rating is around 1.5 stars

On the back of my ARC it reads: "It's Graceling meets Eon in this action-packed fantasy adventure by debut author Ellen Oh." In all honesty, I think that statement does a huge disservice to all three novels. And because of that one little sentence, I went into Prophecy expecting something epic with rich descriptions, epic fight scenes and a main character worth rooting for. Unfortunately, I found none of that. I tried to love Prophecy. Truly, I did, but it just never worked out and I'm really sad it didn't because I love Ellen to bits.

Prophecy and I had a very rocky time together that could mirror a relationship from a Taylor Swift song. The saddest part of it all is that I know I could have enjoyed this novel a lot more if it weren't for three very important factors.

The Characters:

Cookie cut-out, cardboard characters. That's the best way to describe every last character in Prophecy. Sure, the bare bones was there. We have Kira, the main character, who is a strong, warrior girl. Her sworn duty is to protect her younger cousin and Crowned Prince, Taejo, from any and all harm. She is also hated by everyone in the land, despite the fact that her job is also to protect those very people from demon attacks. In fact, the people call her The Demon Slayer, which is kind of funny considering we are told the people are kept in ignorance of the existence of demons. So why do the people call her that? No clue. It really never made much sense, and really, that's the least of Prophecy's problems. All of this is TOLD to the reader in the first two chapters. What does Kira like to do? Fight demons. Does she have any long-term aspirations? Protect the Prince forever and ever. Is that nobel? Sure. But how is it really any different from Bella's obsession with Edward? I'm not sure it is.

The other characters are no better. We are given a brief introduction to Kira's mom and we are TOLD how kind she is. We are TOLD her dad is a great general. And Taejo. Taejo is the most infuriating character out of the bunch and only serves as a damsel in distress to give Kira something to do since her life long goal only includes taking a bullet for him. In the beginning, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but as the novel wore on, I began to wonder if he possessed any sort of training at all or courage or bravery or balls. Apparently, none of those things. And don't get me wrong. I love a strong female character that saves herself and friends, but not at the expense of the others looking useless or helpless.

The rest of the characters did show promise, but they were never fleshed out and served more as sidekicks than anything else. For example, the love interest, Jaewon, I did like. He seemed to have a good story behind him. Troubled past filled with pain and a chance for redemption. Unfortunately, it was never really tapped into. Though, perhaps Oh is saving that for the subsequent novels along with the romance that was never fully formed, but instead thrown in at a blasé sort of way. Because of that, I felt the little line where he says he'd "always do whatever she asked" was a little much. Why would he? What sort of connection did he develop with Kira with their brief interactions in between fight scenes? However, I will say that I did appreciate the romance not being in the forefront.

Show. Don't Tell:

Immediately, from the first chapter I had a sneaky suspicion that this would be an issue. Readers are told entirely too much about the characters instead of getting to know them for themselves. With every character we are introduced to, the reader is told what kind of person he or she is. There is no surprise with thinking one character is good, but later turning to the dark side. It made Prophecy incredibly predictable and with flat characters, the element of surprise could have saved this novel. I'm supposed to like Taejo because he is young and the prince and is good. But I don't. I'm supposed to like their uncle, King of the neighboring Kingdom of Guru. Then Kira decides she doesn't trust him because slight ruthless nature, but it doesn't matter because I never liked him anyway. I'm supposed to like Kira because she is the main character who has poor self-esteem and must find her way in a kingdom that doesn't appreciate her. But I don't. See the problem here? I'm not shown enough about the characters to actually develop any feelings toward them one way or another.

Also, because there was mostly telling the fight scenes were shorter and less descriptive than what I would have liked, making them just as eventful as if they were all frolicking through a meadow. This caused the pacing to feel very off at times. One paragraph they are fighting, then the next it's suddenly over and they're walking to an inn.

Basic Writing:

And even with the other negatives, I could have enjoyed it more if the writing style meshed better with me. This is the biggest problem with it being compared to Eon and Graceling. It's like a little kid trying to put daddy's pants on. He looks awfully cute in it, but just isn't ready to wear those digs. This is where I really think Prophecy would have been better marketed to the Middle Grade audience instead. There is just way too much hand-holding and explaining terms that are better left inferred to my liking. Prophecy does a lot of what Stormdancer did, where it used foreign terms (in this case Korean) that readers my not be familiar with. If there was more showing, the reader could have easily used context clues to guess the meaning. It just felt like there was a lot of "talking down" to the reader and it completely turned me off to the story. This lead to a very basic plot with predictable twists, causing the heroine to appear very slow on the uptake. And that in turn caused me moments of great frustration similar to when Eona couldn't figure out how to call her dragon for majority of a 531 page novel. *headdesk* (Oh, hey, look! There's the comparison.) Sad to say, veteran high fantasy and critical readers will not be impressed by this.

Still, while Prophecy did hold significant faults for me, I do appreciate the amount of research Oh obviously invested into the novel. She had a clear outline of her world building and it showed. And there were a few lines that made me chuckle. I just wish there had been a little more time to develop everything. Truthfully, Prophecy isn't a bad novel and if my daughter was around age 10, it'd be a book I would buy her. For anyone else, I highly recommend anyone considering it to seek out a sample chapter first. But as for me? It's not really my thing. Maybe the series will get better in the next book. Maybe all my concerns are cleared up. But Prophecy and I are like a pair of incompatible, bickering lovers. Fine on our own, just not so great together. And we're probably "never ever, ever getting back together."

If there is anything good coming from the newer crops of dystopian fiction these days it's one thing: Evil, ravenous vampires are back. With books likIf there is anything good coming from the newer crops of dystopian fiction these days it's one thing: Evil, ravenous vampires are back. With books like The Immortal Rules and now The Hunt, YA thiller fans are sure to be pleased by this turn of events. I know I am. Unfortunately, The Hunt failed to WOW me on that factor alone.

In a nutshell, The Hunt is like an inverted Immortal Rules with a Hunger Games-esque twist. Instead of our young, male protagonist, Gene, being the only vampire among humans, he is one of the only humans living in the lion's den. In order to pull this off he must shave off all his body hair, clip his nails, polish his fake fangs, and bathe rigorously every single day. In addition to the intense grooming, he must suppress his basic human mannerisms such as laughing, sweating, singing, flinching, clearing his throat, ect. when in contact with "people." All of this is done because Gene lives in a world where he is considered a "heper," barely a step above a farm animal. In order to survive he has to hide who he truly is or risk being eaten. So when he is chosen for the Heper Hunt (think Hunger Games arena), you can only imagine his uneasiness. "Awkward" is an understatement.

The Hunt has a lot of potential because regardless of how I feel about it I can't deny that it's creative. It features an entirely different spin on vampires that both intrigued me and weirded me out. It's also very readable and easily holds a reader's attention. I also felt myself enjoying Fukuda's prose as well, especially when Gene thought of his past memories of his family. That's the main reason why I ended up giving the book two stars instead of one. But like I said earlier, that alone won't win anyone points with me.

World Building:

*sigh* I feel like a broken record saying this, but if we are going to write a dystopian novel, please supply some background info. I don't need to know everything under the sun, but I'd at least like to know how your world ended up in its current cesspit state. Is that too much to ask? How did the vampires come to take over the world (literally)? Where did they come from? They managed to eat almost ALL the humans? Why did Gene even bother to try to blend in with vampire society? Why not run away? Have vampires taken over the entire world or did only the U.S. go to hell? Again. Is the rest of the world still partying like it's 1999? Why does Gene know so little about his world? Did the humans - excuse me, hepers - not pass any knowledge of their histories down to their children? So many question, with too few no answers.

Characters:

I think I hated almost all the characters in The Hunt, but Gene? He takes the number one spot on this here shit list. My biggest issue of the book resides with him because he was an idiot. A very selfish idiot. At the Heper Institute (where the hunters stayed and "trained" for the Heper Hunt) he begins to go thirsty since vampires don't need water, but there was a lake right in front of him the entire time. He talks about it and never thinks to go drink from it when the vampires are sleeping during the day. *facepalm* The plot twist - if you can even call it that - was so easy to guess, but guess who was incredibly shocked? Ding, ding, ding! Gene. And no, this was not a case in dramatic irony because everything that was revealed to the reader, Gene already knew. Hell, he's the one who narrates the story!

But that's not even the half of that. I could deal with a slow main character, but what I couldn't deal with was his "I'm better than these dirty hepers!" attitude. When Gene first arrives to the Heper institute and finds out the heper can talk, read, write, comprehend things, he is blown away. Shocked! This does not compute. I just wanted to yell at him, "YOU ARE A HEPER! If you can bloody do it, uh duh, so can they, genius." But it gets worse. Gene knows the hepers will be hunted, but they don't. Does he tell them? Attempt to help his people? NO. He just goes on business as usual, thinking that once the hepers are sent out to their deaths he can sneak away. That made me so angry. These are your people - perhaps the last humans alive - and you are going to sit and let them be eaten without doing anything about it? No, instead, you drink their water, eat their food and work their deaths into your escape plan. (view spoiler)[Even by the end when Sissy ("Head Heper in Charge") tells him, "We don't abandon our own" all he is thinking about is Ashley June. Not one single shred of remorse for his original plan to lead them to their deaths. Unbelievable. (hide spoiler)] Cast him out of the human race. He is not one of us.

I mean, what did he expect he would do after the Heper Hunt? Go on living in his fake life where he could die at any moment? Who would want that kind of life? That makes not sense. If the world happens to end with vampires devouring humans and I'm left with an idiot like Gene, I'm tripping him as I run from the vamps. And don't get me started on Ashley June. She was just as bad as Gene and can die in a fire for all I care.

Believability:

The Hunt reminds me a lot of another book I've read called Glimmerglass. Not because they are similar in plot or anything, but because the reader must abandon a certain amount of logic and "just go with it." If anyone is familiar with me, they will know that it takes a lot for a book to convince me to "just go with it."

-Gene has learned to suppress basic human instincts like smiling, laughing, coughing, squinting, flinching? How the hell is that possible? So what happens when Gene gets sick? He stays home? And what would be his excuse for not being in school? The vampires don't appear to fall ill in this world.

-Sex by armpits? I'm sorry, that one, while creative, was a little too hard to swallow. Or were they making out?

Before she could regain her footing, I shoved my elbow into the socket of her armpit. The way I had read about in books, seen in movies. I had her. Her body tensed in anticipation as my elbow locked into her armpit. And just like that, her body lost all tension and softened. I swiveled my elbow in long, luxurious circles, and her body moved in rhythm. Salivary wetness slivered between and around her snarling teeth. I concentrated hard after that, keeping up with appearances, making sure that the snarls came out in the right fevered pitch, that my body oscillated with enough passion and frenzy.

-Vampires couldn't tell Gene was a heper just because he shaved all his body hair off. Really? He still had hair on his head. Does that somehow smell different than facial, leg and arm hair? If they could smell the hepers in the dome even when they weren't sweaty, then they should have been able to always smell Gene is school.

The Ending:

It left me dangling of the edge of a cliff with three words.*tries to repress a very human sigh* *doesn't work* *LE SIGH*

I'm sure there are a lot of people who will love The Hunt. It's different, interesting, creative and action packed. And while it didn't really work out for me here, I'm tempted to check out book two to see where the story goes. But as I say in the rest of my two star reviews, the next book can hang out on my "You're on Probation" shelf.

ARC was provided by the publisher via NetGalley. Thank you!

More reviews and other fantastical things at my blog Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!

Fifty Shades of Shit

Haters, please exit stage left.

I'm not

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!

Fifty Shades of Shit

Haters, please exit stage left.

I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.

Recently I discovered one of my favorite publishers, Random House, has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statement:

"An orig­i­nal work, and said to us that James had war­ranted the books were, indeed orig­i­nal. Mes­sitte added she was “aware of the nar­ra­tive that [50 SHADES] started as dif­fer­ently titled piece of fic­tion, but that they were and are two dis­tinctly sep­a­rate pieces of work."

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to call bull shit on that. Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe (the original fan fic) are essentially the same thing. The biggest difference being Edward and Bella's name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively. And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading, I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty. I'd go through and give you examples myself, but other people have done it already here and here. So if you must read this book, do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online. You even get the second book too!

I know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit, I'm allergic to all the bull shit. Do I really need to point this all out? Because it looks pretty obvious to me. The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same. They even say similar things the original characters say. The whole "dazzle" line and Edward asking Bella to trust him. Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen. Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past. Edward still stalks and controls Bella, only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of line.

*facepalm* Shall I beat them both? Yes?

I struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn't figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one. And then I figured it out. I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind. With a rusty nail. Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike, yelling obscenities at me. Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight. I stand corrected. If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this: Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids, high on ecstasy, in a dirty little corner. A very dirty corner. With badly written sex. Lots.

Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful (but of course she doesn't know it), naive virgin, Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god, Christian Grey. Of course, sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can't seem to stay away from this incredibly, unremarkable girl. Ana discovers Christian is into BDSM and desires her as his submissive fuck buddy.

There are a myriad of problems with this novel, many of which ironically can be found in Twilight. Never saw that one coming! Christian/Edward is still a controlling bastard, only now he hides behind his BDSM practices to camouflage his abusive tendencies. However, Ana doesn't see it that way. She thinks of him as a broken person and it's her duty to fix him. Even when he says things like this:

"I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take."

Can you believe she let's him beat her after that? And please don't even bother to tell me that it's just BDSM. No, just fucking no. Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the "punishment" aspect of their relationship. But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship. And that's what really gets me. I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight, because that is exactly what happens. When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that "situation" before they could continue. What?! Since when is your virginity a "situation?" But, that's not really the kicker. Oh, no, because that is when we are introduced to Ana's two best friends. Everyone say hi to:

Anna's inner goddess, who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her. She's also quite annoying, doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related. Simmer down. Where did she come from exactly? Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chains?!

And... Ana's sub-conscious, who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating. When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian, well, her sub-conscious only has one thing to say,

So after the "situation" is handled, Ana has to sign a "contract" agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won't do. It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing. He exploits her, stalks her and abuses her! She cries after sex. She is afraid of him being angry! Even when he is angry at something else, she thinks it's her. Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she's afraid to lose him. That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle! In fact, that's not even really "consent!" These quotes just scream domestic abuse to me:

Yeah, he's a real catch, that one. Barf. No, excuse me. That's not right. The barfing came when the little ass-wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER. OMFG. Yes, the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading. That is not sexy, that's foul.

Whenever Ana thinks about leaving him, he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her (literally) and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance, forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb. They fight, they breakup. They kiss, they sex up.

The writing is a shitty mess too. I mean, if I had to sit and read Ana saying "Holy, shit!" or "Holy, Fuck!" or "Oh, my!" one more time, I was going to lose it. I wanted to take my red pen and have at this "book" so badly. It was the little things like Ana's roommate saying over and over, "You never cry Ana," and what do we find Ana always doing? Crying. I'm not sure where the hell the plot was. *smacks forehead* How silly of me! Didn't I mention this was a Twilight retelling? Why was I expecting a plot? And another example of poor writing: for these characters to be American, they sounded very British to me. They used phrases that Americans don't use.

And now I'm trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Why do so many women love this book? I get the appeal of the bondage even though it's not my usual cup of tea. Whips? Chains? Sounds exciting!

Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and criWell, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scrolling through twitter. It's sort of like following Yoda, Darth Vader, Snape or my personal favorite, Lord Voldemort, on twitter.

His tweets are mildly offensive, but admit it. You lol'ed, didn't you? So, in that context the quotes found in Sh*t My Dad Says are funny. But what happens when you put it all in one place? The short answer is simple: It's not very funny. Okay, wait. Some of the quotes are funny and in the beginning I did laugh quite a bit, but as I got further and further into the book, the novelty wore off. What was once humorous as an occasional tweet, turned into just a very vulgar book.

My biggest issue with Sh*t My Dad Says is that most of the quotes were directed towards Halpern when he was a child. This did not sit right with me at all. Cursing at and shaming children is wrong on so many levels and I failed to see the humor in that. It totally killed the entertainment factor when his dad is directing the F-bomb at his young son left and right. And I was sitting here waiting for an adult to correct this guy, but it didn't seem like it was anyone's issue but mine. It was very shocking because if my dad had said half of the things Halpern's did to me, I would cry a river. I'm not saying his dad didn't love him or care about him, but wow. I just don't understand how someone could show so little respect and talk down to a child like that.

So as far as I'm concerned, these quotes would have been better off remaining on twitter and not in a book. Sh*t My Dad Says is the perfect example of the age-old rule: If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

-I've never had a boyfriend before meeting my love interest and for some reason people at my school find that hard to believe.

-As soon as my love interest catches my eye, I can't get him out of my mind. He's the mysterious type, but he only has eyes for me. He quickly becomes my boyfriend and we fall deeply in love. *swoon*

-My boyfriend happens to have a sibling who simply adores me. How could she not, I'm so awesome! She has a super special sight too. P.S. her name starts with an "A."

-My b-b-boyfriend---sorry that was me swooning again; he's so super howt *giggle*---also has another sibling that doesn't seem to like me at first. They are always glaring at me! It unnerves me. But I can get through anything with my boy toy by my side! Oh, and P.S. their name starts with an "R."

-My boyfriend just happens to save my life with his mysterious powers. At first when I confront him about it, he plays it off. It really upsets me. It just wasn't fair!!!

-He later tells me that he can't stay away from me any longer and soon after he takes me to his home to really introduce me to his family.

-I find out he's been stalking me for a while. But it doesn't bother me. I find it incredibly romantic.

-*Psst*, if my boyfriend and I were to have a baby, it would be some strange half-breed child.

-Randomly out of nowhere I'm kidnapped by a Tracker. I'm not sure where he came from because this book is all about me and my one true love.

-When I'm not hanging out with my boyfriend or getting abducted, I can be found brushing my teeth, eating cereal, doing homework or cooking for my dad. Oh, and I hate being the center of attention. I'm so selfless.

-By the end of my book, I end up in the hospital.

So....who am I?

If you guessed Bella Swan you are correct! But if you guessed Megan Rosenberg, you are also correct! Don't bother looking up to the top of the screen. This is indeed a Carrier of the Mark review or as I like to call it Twilight 2.0 or better yet, Carrier of the Twilight or Twi-remix or Twilight goes to Ireland or, or, or...okay you get the picture. And no, I'm not kidding all the above actually happens in this book.

I feel like I need to start saying how sorry I am to Leigh Fallon. Truly, I am. You see, I'm in the middle of re-reading the Twilight series and as a result, I am hyperaware of the Twi-likeness this book has. I was really eager to get my hands on Carrier of the Mark, but you have no idea how disappointed I am in this book. So, it is with a heavy heart that I review TwilightCarrier of the Markagain.

Seventeen-year-old Bella Swan Megan Rosenberg moves to Forks Ireland after her dad, Charlie Caleb, accepts and new position at a yacht club. On her first day at school she notices a mysterious boy, named Edward Cullen Adam DeRis, staring at her. She literally cannot stop thinking about him for the rest of the book. I'm not going to retell the book here, but if you've read Twilight just sprinkle on a little Air Bender, add a pinch of Captain Planet, and toss a creepy baby on top and you pretty much have the recipe for Carrier of the Mark. Instead, I'm going to be pulling a few select quotes with commentary pour moi.

Adam randomly confesses his feelings to Megan after have several staring contests:

They told me from the very beginning that it wasn’t safe to ‘consort,’” he said, slightly wincing at the word, “with you. But I’m not strong enough to stay away."

Now where have I heard that before?

Twilight:

He heard the change in my tone. His eyes tightened. "I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you..."

A little PDA action:

I put my hand on Adam’s face and felt along his cheek and down along his jaw, reveling in the softness of his skin in comparison to the light stubble. He closed his eyes.“You have no idea how good that feels,” he murmured.

That sounds so familiar...

Twilight:

"Do you mind?" I asked, for he had closed his eyes again."No," he said without opening his eyes. "You can't imagine how that feels." He sighed.I lightly trailed my hand over the perfect muscles of his arm, followed the faint pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow.

Rosalie Rian doesn’t like Megan at first:

“Rían has a tough time accepting who we are and our purpose...I think he’s just finding it hard to accept that you would opt in when you have the chance to walk away.”

Now, who had the same issue?

Twilight:

He sighed deeply. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous...You're human." He shrugged. "She wishes that she were, too."

There is a Tracker following Megan:

It’s been years since we have even seen a tracker in Ireland.”“Is that what the guy in the theater was? A tracker?”“I think so. We can’t be sure at the moment, but he fits the usual profile. There’s something different this time, though; he’s getting around our defenses. We just don’t know how he’s doing it.”

Funny that's just who was following Bella too.

Twilight:

"He's a tracker, Alice, did you see that? He's a tracker!"

Love interest serching for a way to protect heroine from the Tracker:

“Don’t apologize. I hate to see you hurting like that. Please believe me when I tell you that I will make you safe.”

Didn't Edward promise the same thing in a very similar situation?

Twilight:

"Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." His voice was hard.

A bad guy was snooping around Megan's room and house. Adam has his family guarding her, but somehow they manage to slip through:

“Someone was in her room, for Christ’s sake. In her room!”“But I don’t think he was still there when Megan got home. If he had been, he would have acted right then and there. I’d say her Mark was sensing that he’d been there earlier.”Rían shook his head. “How is he getting around our senses? We’ve always known when the Knox are close. This is bad.”

Can't seem to put my finger on it..oh wait, I can.

Twilight (Eclipse):

“He was in her room, Alice. He could have still been there — waiting for her.”“I would have seen that.”Edward threw his hands up in exasperation. “Really? You’re sure?” Alice’s voice was cold when she answered. “You’ve already got me watching the Volturis’ decisions, watching for Victoria’s return, watching Bella’s every step. You want to add another? Do I just have to watch Charlie, or Bella’s room, or the house, or the whole street, too? Edward, if I try to do too much, things are going to start slipping through the cracks.”

shitdamn

Oh, but the similarities don't end there. Right after Adam reveals his feelings to Megan, the very next day he takes her to meet his family. And if you remember that is exactly what Edward did after he revealed all his feelings to Bella in the meadow scene (Confessions, chapter 13). Aine Alice, Adam's sister also has a "sight." Fionn Carlisle is Adam's adoptive father. Adam admitted to stalking Megan just like Edward did to Bella. Megan confides in her best friend, Caitlin, in math class. What do you know? That's the same place Bella confided with Jessica at. Both Adam and Edward's eyes change color (interestingly, both share the same original color: green).

I just couldn't get past all the Twilight references. I'm honestly baffled at how this book got published with all the shocking similarities because Carrier of the Mark reads just like a Twilight Fan-Fic and not a good one. I'd give this book a freakin' "A+" for following the "Twilight book disaster" recipe to the T, but an all around "F" (FAIL) for YA literature. I went though several different emotions while reading this book: shock, disbelief, finally settling on anger. Anger? Yes. Did the author sit with her editor over tea and crumpets with their Twilight copies on their laps pulling plots, quotes, and carbon copies of the characters? Did they really think no one would pick up on the similarities?! Well, I'll tell you something. My Twilight copy is open on my lap right now and I am NOT AMUSED one bit. This is something I expect from the usual offender Cassie Clare, not a debut YA author. And, man, I feel so bad writing this review. I absolutely hate giving a 1 star review to debut authors, but wow. I'm just blown this even saw the light of day.

And what's a Twi-Fan-Fic without insta-love? This book has plenty of that and co-dependency. Keep in mind they have been dating for 2 weeks. Let me count the ways:

"I feel like I could take on the world when I’m with you.”

I felt a new confidence building. I could take on the world with him by my side.

This felt so real. It seemed like my future was suddenly very clear. I had a whole new purpose—and it all revolved around this boy by my side.

Everything else paled in significance. I could not live without him. As much as it upset me to hurt the others, it was nothing compared to the stabbing pain I felt when I thought of being parted from him.

And the more time that went by, the more I realized I could not live without Adam.

WTF. I'm so tired of co-dependent relationships! Is it a wonder why young girls think they need a boyfriend to survive? Are these the ideals we want our youth to grow up learning? I don't take issue with Megan being in love, but reading the statements above disturbs me. The entire book revolves around how in love she is with Adam, so don't expect much of a plot in this book. The major conflict in the story comes out of nowhere and ends before it even begins, just as it did in Twilight.

And, OMG the mythology. It will make your head spin. We learn most of the world through god awful info-dumps. I read those pages over a few times and I still don't understand. Perhaps if the author showed the reader instead of telling us, maybe I would have been able to keep up. The only thing I think I understood was that Megan is Carrier of a specific gene that would enable her to produce children to bear the Mark. Since Carrier's are rare the Order (a society that "looks after" the Marked) specially selects the Carrier's mates. I suppose being gay is out if you are a Carrier, because you have a duty to produce babies! Anyway, apparently it is forbidden for Adam and Megan to be together because if they have a child it could destroy the world. Yeah...I don't get it either. Once finding that out, Megan decides she doesn't want to be a Marked one anymore and help save the world. She wants to be with her Romeo. 'Cause being in love is more important than the safety of the world, donchaknow. And, please don't get me started on the whole 25-year-old pregnancy. I can't even.

Fallon, you had all this potential. The setting was perfect: Ireland! And you wasted your descriptions on Megan eating her wheaties and putting on her red Converses? *points to face* This is me not giving two shits.

Enclave was a breath a fresh air. If you are looking for a book with lots of action, a strong, ass-kicking heroine, and romance that takeUmmm....WOW.

Enclave was a breath a fresh air. If you are looking for a book with lots of action, a strong, ass-kicking heroine, and romance that takes a back seat, Enclave is your book.

This book is marketed towards, "Fans of The Hunger Games." Ummm...why? The only similarities I can possibly see is the strength of the main characters. Katniss and Deuce (how awesome is her name?!) are both hunters and get into a lot of fights. And both books do feature dystopian societies.

Enclave is very fast paced in the beginning. The book begins right before Girl15's naming ceremony. She finds out her name is Deuce and she officially owns the title of "Huntress." As a Huntress, it is her job to brave the dark tunnels and bring food back to the enclave. It is a very dangerous job. Why? Because there are Zombies Freaks!The zombies in this world are rather interesting. They do not seem to infect anyone, they just want to eat you.

Deuce lives in her enclave which is underground. She has never seen the sun and no one in her enclave lives very long. They are lucky to live to be 25. (view spoiler)[lack of vitamin D, perhaps? (hide spoiler)] No one seems to know how they ended up there and where the freaks came from. The enclave has strict rules that she firmly believes are there to protect everyone. However, after she is paired up with Fade, a boy who grew up Topside, she slowly begins to question everything she is taught. One day Deuce and Fade are exiled from their enclave and forced to live Topside where vicious gangs battle it out over territory. Add in the zombies and you have one hell of an adventure!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE strong heroines. I can not stand a damsel in distress. Thankfully, Deuce can hold her own and then some. Seriously, the girl was a badass. She had me sooo happy at parts, I found myself saying, "Oh Hells yes!" during the battle scenes.

One thing I really appreciated about this book was the question of, "What is strength or weakness?" In the beginning of the book Deuce measures that with how well a person can defend themselves. As a huntress, she was always taught showing emotion was a weakness. However, she later learns that strength can be measured with ones ability to endure. This proves especially true for the character Tegan. She is viewed as a very weak character, but IMO was the strongest of all. Deuce realizes she doesn't possess the physical strength of most fighters, but Tegan has a mental strength that keeps her pressing forward. Deuce later acknowledges that those emotions are not a weakness, and that causes her to reassess her own character.

I really liked how this book moved fast. It is a quick read, but the way Ann Aguirre writes it, it feels longer. There were a lot of unanswered questions about the world they live in and I expect it will be answered in the next book based on how this one ended. I can't wait!

More reviews and more at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more

I should have known that when Lauren Kate blurbed this book I wouldn't like it. No, wait, that doesn't fully express my hatred for Starcrossed. How about this:

After reading this shit storm of a book I feel like I should go straight to my book shelf and give "Catastrophe": Hush, Hush, "My Eyes, They Bleed!": House of Night, "Kill it with Fire!": Twilight, and even, yes, "Are You Fuckin' Kidding Me?!": Carrier of the Mark all 5 glorious stars.

This is the worst book I have ever read.

Why, oh, why did I read it? I should have listened to the Fates (Kat, Paige, Phoebe). They warned me of this, but I didn't listen. I almost ALWAYS agree with them on books. Why did I think this would be a different story? I will never doubt your wisdom again, ladies.

This one time I let myself be influenced by another popular reviewer who claimed to absolutely love this book. I was conned! Fooled! Bamboozled! Hoodwinked!

The only logical answer is that Hades himself was behind the plot to fry my remaining brain cells. *rubs chin* Yes, that must be it. I've been trolled by the Lord of the Underworld himself.

HADES!!

ARE YOU HAPPY?!

ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?!

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!

Y-y-you heartless bastard.

This review will not be nice. No one will be spared. Not even the children.

*flips through her notebook*

Good thing I took plenty of notes then. Hahahaha!

The Writing

Dear, Gandhi! It was terrible! Immediately when I started to read, I felt my eye balls start rebuking me. "Noooooooooo, don't make us! You are evil! You are heartless! Why do you hate us! We've been good to you!" I'm not exaggerating when I say this was amateur at best and eye-bleeding bad at worse. The book is littered with ridiculously simple sentences that remind me of a children's book. "See Helen Spot run? Helen Spot can run fast! Run, Helen Spot. Run!" Metaphors and similes exsit for a reason. Let's use them. But that's not event the worst of it. There were countless pages of info-dumping as well. SHOW DON'T TELL! And the dialogue...OMFG. It was painfully obvious that they were trying entirely too hard to sound like "hip" teens.

"What the holy hand grenade was that?"

It felt goofy as hell.

"Unbefrickinglievable," Hector cusses quietly into the silence.

I just wanted to shake them. Shake them all.

The Plot

The plot was a damn mess. Basic run down:

- Lucas and his Brady Bunch family move to the neighborhood.- Helen and Lucas almost kill each other.- They break curse/spell/whatever and fall in love over night.- Oh noz! Helen is in danger.- Helen suddenly becomes a sex kitten.- Lucas denies her advances.- Helen wonders if he is gay. Contemplates sex change.

"...she decided that if Lucas was gay then she was going to have to get a sex change operation. He would be so worth it."

- Demi-god training.- Oh, but wait! Now, she is invincible!- "Sex, please," says Helen. "No means no, Helen. It would destroy the world!" Lucas cries.- Shit happens, people die.- "OMG! So we won't destroy the world after all! I'm horny. Let's do it," Lucas declares. *rams tongue down throat* "Ew. We are first cousins! We can never be together! Fuck our fuckin' life!" she whines.

Fin.

Keep up Hades!

Angelini tries to confuse the readers with her many plot twists, but all the plot really does is run around the mulberry bush chasing the weasel. There was nothing clever about it. I could tell that I was supposed to be like, "Whoa! My teeny little brain never saw that coming!" IT NEVER HAPPENED!

Helen

Let's play Name That Sue! But first you're going to need a few clues about her personality:

Most of the novel she's running around with twinkling stars in her eyes and clueless to everything that is happening around her. She is beautiful in every way. So much so, that it is normal for people to just sit and stare at her. Everybody loves her and the world kisses her ass every chance it gets. Her favorite hobbies include going grocery shopping, cooking for her dad, doing homework, and personal hygiene. Oh hey, Bella! I didn't see you there!

The moment Helen and Lucas stop attempting to end each other's life, they immediately start holding hands and declaring their love for one another. (Oh, insta-love! How I hate thee!) She's never had a boyfriend or been kissed until Lucas and his family move into town. There is just something about Lucas that brings out everything in Helen. And I do mean everything. Her entire life she has had all these powerful mystical powers, but she never knew about them because whenever she would use them unknowingly in front of mortals she would get a nasty bout of menstrual cramps! Little does Helen know that her cramps were a cursed placed on her by her very own mother. But it was totally for her protection. Of course. *eyeroll* If that isn't some bullshit, I don't know what is.

So anyway, with every new plot twist, Helen seems to get a new power. Which basically means she keeps getting more and more useless. All she does is say, "Oh, but I don't want to hurt anyone! Even if they are trying to kill me, I can't justify their deaths!" Are you kidding me? She has no sense of self-preservation.

"I knew if I started blocking him he'd just get angrier, and then I would eventually have no choice by to hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to hit me back."

She.is.a.demi-god.

Go on and let it out, Hades!

That was during a SELF-DEFENSE session. How is it that a character can be so powerful and do NOTHING with her powers? What is the point?!*breath in, breath out* Sorry, guys. The stupidity makes it hard to breath. Thankfully, one of the other characters noticed this madness and said:

"She'd better get it in her. Because I don't want any of the people I love to die defending her lazy ass."

That was the only good part of the entire book. >_>

Then I hit the next chapter and Cassandra has a sword aimed for Helen's head and she JUST STANDS THERE.

Cassandra swung her sword. In that millisecond Helen knew she'd had a good life, because she suddenly loved it so much that she could have wept with gratitude. She'd had amazing friends, the best dad in the world, and a strong, healthy body...

I thought she was going to finally die! I was like, "Yes! KILL HER NOW! Doooo iiiittttt!" And you know what happens? She levels up out of nowhere!

Why won't she roll over and die already?!

So now she's invincible and can't be killed by any weapons AND she's the most powerful demi-god. REALLY?! >Implied Facepalm<

Yet, believe it or not all those things I could have semi-forgiven and gave this book 1 star, maybe 2 for good effort. The biggest problem with this book: It's SEXIST. This book offended me on so many levels, it's not even funny. Let me count the ways:

Causal jokes about domestic abuse:

"I'll just tell him you abuse me," she said with a shrug. "And I'll tell him you like it," he teased back.That shit is not amusing. AT ALL. Lots of women suffer from domestic abuse every day and Angelini pokes fun?! What messages are we sending our young girls? That this is romantic banter? This is why young girls think it is okay to tweet crazy shit like they would let Chris Brown hit them any time. This is why we are seeing people happy about him singing songs with Rihanna. We need to speak up against this. IT IS NOT OKAY! OMG, I'm so angry right now, I'm seeing red. RAGE.

Use your powers in the kitchen!:

Everything about Ariadne was so feminine and round and lovely that Helen simply couldn't imagine anyone hitting her. "Do you guys do this to each other often? The fighting, I mean." Ariadne was shaking her head before Helen had even finished talking. "No. We spar together to stay in shape, but only the boys really fight, and only when they need to get something off their chests."

WHAT?! The only reason why they fight is to stay in shape? THEY ARE DEMI-GODS!!!!!

He kissed her neck and said he was sorry over and over, but try as she might, he wouldn't let her face him. She began to feel like she was being used.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

"Is Zach after you?" Lucas asked with wide eyes."Oh, not really. He wants to talk to me about something, I think," Helen said as if it wasn't important. She shut her mouth before she could say too much."Yeah, I'll bet," Lucas said with a sneer, his blue eyes turning nearly black as he sensed her untruth. Is there any reason for Zach to think that you might be single?"

At this point he never even asked her to be his girl friend! He goes throughout most of the book just holding her hand, but telling everyone else they don't really have a relationship. And then he pulls this line:

"Are you trying to make me jealous or are you just so frustrated that you're already looking for someone else? Someone who would give in to you?"

I just... can't.

Women should be held to high standards and oh, yeah, they're evil:

"A lady never cheapened herself by using foul language."

And:

"He had sworn to remove the feminine evil of the cestus from the world so that all men could control their lust.

Yup, thats right. It's totally a woman's fault a man can't control himself. I can't believe women have been fighting for RIGHTS just so we can write about this kind of stuff! Around 80% this book gets super ridiculous with making Helen and her mother out to be "semxy sex pots". Helen is so damn useless powerful and horny that she pretty much starts playing Lady GaGa's Love Game, trying to take off Lucas' clothes at every opportunity she gets.

Let's have some fun this beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!

I suppose this is what she is supposed to look like:

I can see you staring there from across the block with a smile on your mouth and a hand on your HUH!

There are a ton of other problems with this book, but I've wasted enough of my life with Starcrossed. I probably have enough anger and quotes to write a damn book myself. I just... can't. I'm offended this was written. I offended that it was published. I offended people think this is okay.