London to be relocated

'It seemed so obvious really,' said a government spokesman. 'We were getting ball-ache over flooding, HS2 and Eastenders plotlines,' he said. 'Then it occurred to us that if we relocated London northwards, say one hundred miles, then we could solve all three problems at a third of the cost of building the rail line. If Eastenders remains in what used to be called London then nobody would mind anymore, and if it relocates with London then the cast will start talking Brummie, and then nobody will care what they say anyway.