This Blog is Dedicated to the Investigation, Transformation and Correction of the Human Constitution as the Entity of Separation that it has become - to Shape, Manifest and Establish a Physical World and Reality that Ensures a Dignified Life for All Living Things from Birth till Death

Pagina's

zaterdag 18 februari 2012

System design of Imagination Self-Forgiveness

My experience with Imagination. I decided to write about my experience with 'imagination' because i have defined myself as 'an imaginative' personality (thought) based on what my environment told me and how they judged my expression within words i spoke and paintings and pictures that i drew.

Another description is 'deep', 'profound' and 'mysterious' (thought), which are basically all aspects of 'imagination' as the 'inner realm' and 'the unseen'.

It is fascinating that my desire to become an imaginative person (feeling) as someone with a 'deep, vast and profound inner reality' actually came from the experience of myself as 'shallow', 'superficial' and 'empty' (thought/judgment). And the reason why i would experience and judge myself in that way obviously has all to do with sex and relationships - wherein i would want to be as interesting, fascinating and intriguing (feeling) as possible for other humans so that they would notice me and pay attention to me, as that is what i really wanted: attention

I felt like I didn’t get enough attention from especially males (emotional experience of jealousy and thought of 'i am not good enough') and I was searching for a way to ‘stand out’ and to be recognized – so, I started making efforts to build my ‘inner richness’ as imagination as what would be judged as apparently ‘deep’ and ‘profound’ so that people would be interested in listening to me and my ‘experiences’ and ‘insights’.

I have been priding myself in having ‘an interesting/great imagination’ (thought) compared to other people, whom I then judged as ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’(thought), not noticing that I have created my own imagination and fantasy and apparent ‘imaginative abilities’ myself because it is what I wanted to experience.

Also while I always felt ‘superior’ (feeling) towards other humans that apparently had ‘less’ imagination’/inner richness than me, I was actually feeling very inferior when it came to the actual real-live experience of myself when I was faced with people. When I had to communicate, especially with people that I didn’t know or that I didn’t have a defined relationship with, I would feel very fearful, tense, anxious and insecure (emotion) – so really, my imagination was like my private reality in my mind that no one could actually see and that wasn’t actually real to hide from the fear and inferiority that I experienced in the ‘real world’ towards real beings, because in this private reality I could basically make myself up and build myself up to be superior like a star in the Hollywood theater show that is my mind, wherein it seems like I am the center point of all the attention and I could feel good about myself.

Though I never noticed that this is actually a vicious circle of the mind, wherein the more that I run from my fears and anxiety within positive energetic experiences in my mind as imagination and fantasy, the more I am confirming that this fear is real and that it has power over me, which then again leads to me wanting to escape from it.

So, based on this specific ‘ability’ of having a great imagination/fantasy (thought), my great desire was to become famous through for instance acting (feeling) where I would be able to show off my ‘inner depth’ in how I can express myself, showing that my expression is superior to that of others – so in that way I would stand in the middle of the spot lights with all the attention directed at me, as that is the only way that I would be able to feel good about myself – because from the moment that I am faced with the actual reality of communicating with human beings, having simple conversations and ‘social interaction’, I would experience all this emotional turmoil within myself and feel like a nervous wreck because along with the desire for recognition came a fear of being rejected and criticized (emotion).

So, existing within and as imagination, occupying myself entirely with fantasies in my mind the whole time – I would obviously be very obsessed with television and movies as that would be my primary source that feed my mind as pictures. Thus pursuing my imagination as the 'realm' inside of myself wherein i could feel good about myself and experience this energetic charges that i had become addicted to and that i had defined myself as - i became more and more isolated and separated from all beings around me, and in a way i had become like a 'walking television', where i would immediately judge everything that i saw, connecting the images with other images in my mind of what i had seen on television and built up in my imagination - experiencing this energetic charge within myself immediately as if i am constantly watching television. Fascinating.

So, needless to say, i felt very 'lonely' and alone, as if i 'don't belong here', not 'understanding' this reality - and not realizing that i had created 'reality' this way as how i experienced it through 'objectifying' everything, reducing it to 'just a picture', that i then use to experience energetic reactions inside of myself as i was constantly searching for that energetic experience of excitement as sex/relationships/recognition as picture-based.

Self forgiveness on imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have a great imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have an imaginative personality and i am therefore an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the thought that i have a great imagination and that i am an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to imagination

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my ability to imagine 'alternative realities' within myself as pictures, music and words as the ego that i have allowed myself to become wherein i believe myself to be 'better than others' based on these 'imaginative abilities'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the thought that i am an imaginative person and that i am superior to other people because i have a 'bigger imagination' through comparing myself with others based on the belief that 'having a big imagination is better than having little imagination' based on sex and relationships wherein i noticed that those who have lots of 'experiences' and lots of stories to tell, can 'entertain' others and get most attention, wherein i have allowed myself to become a programmed robot with one main driving energy of desire for sex as the survival of the ego-system as the mind - instead of realizing myself as the eternal expression of life itself as oneness and equality and not just a robot following a program based on energy and belief systems

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having lots of imagination as an apparent 'rich inner life' is better than having little or no imagination as an apparent 'poor inner life' - instead of realizing that imagination as images in the mind is a systematic expression that in itself only limits itself to the system-expression of for instance television as images that are presented to me that i then copy, therefore

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that 'having a rich/big imagination', wherein i believed that i am 'more expressive' than another, actually means that i have become the opposite, as a very limited systematic pre-programmed expression as i have accepted myself as the limitations of the mind by defining myself according to 'my imagination' as the pictures and images in my mind and by actually believing that this is who i really am - instead of realizing just how limited this expression is and instead of realizing that none of those images in my mind are who i really am as i have simply copied them from what i saw in my environment

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that the only reason why i believed and felt like my imagination as the moving pictures in my mind is valuable and apparently makes me more valuable is because of the desire for sex and relationships as attention and recognition that i had allowed to exist in myself wherein i saw my imagination as something that i could use to manipulate my environment to get them to notice me by entertaining them

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to connect the thought that i have a big imagination with the energetic feeling experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the connection between the thought that i have a big imagination and the feeling experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the connection between the thought that i have a big imagination and the feeling of excitement to exist within me in separation of myself instead of realizing myself as responsible for the existence of this construct as the thought-feeling connection as a construct that is based on the desire for recognition that i have copied from my father

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define imagination within the thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in imagination as the secret, hidden, alternate reality within myself as images as a reaction to the belief/thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am not good enough and to react to that belief with the desire to create an alternate reality of images within and as my mind wherein i can build myself up as a fictional character that is seemingly better and superior than who i really am here as who i have accepted myself to be as the belief/thought that i am not good enough - instead of realizing that this reaction of desiring to create an alternate 'positive' mind-reality is the balancing-point of the experience/thought that i am not good enough as the 'negative', which is nothing but a pre-programmed construct and thus not who i really am as a being

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the thought that i am not good enough

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought that i am not good enough, with the emotional experience of sadness and guilt within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the connection between the thought that i am not good enough and the emotional experience of sadness and guilt to exist within myself in separation of myself as a mind-construct/personality-construct

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the connection between the thought that i am not good enough and the emotional experience of sadness and guilt - instead of realizing that this is a construct that i have copied from my parents and accepted as 'the truth' by trusting my parents rather than trusting myself as who i am here

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the emotional experience of sadness and guilt

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the emotional experience of sadness and guilt, and to therefore participate in a polarity system that searches for a balancing point like participating in imagination as the feeling energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i havent allowed myself to realize myself as one and equal with the thought that i am not good enough as what exist within myself as my creation - by allowing myself to be directed and defined by it in separation of it - instead of realizing that i am responsible for the existence of this thought within myself as it is my creation through my participation in the mind consciousness system as separation

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the polarity construct as energetic friction of believing that i am not good enough and experiencing myself within and as sadness and guilt as inferiority and imagination as the inflated image of self as the belief that i am superior within and as the experience of excitement - as the bi-polar existence of the mind consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become - instead of accepting myself and expressing myself as constant and stable as the natural self-honest expression of myself here in and as oneness and equality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the energetic polarity-construct of the emotional experience of sadness as depression and the feeling energetic experience of excitement - wherein i generate constant energetic friction within myself by not standing constant and stable as the expression of myself as a real being within and as self-honesty

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept and realize myself as one and equal with the emotional experience of sadness within and as the realization that this is an experience that i have allowed to exist within myself, therefore it is me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an illusion reality within and as imagination wherein i create the feeling/belief that i am superior by not being self-honest with how i actually experience myself and by not wanting to take responsibility for myself as what i have allowed to exist within myself

i forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to balance out the emotional energetic experience of sadness by reacting to it with the desire to participate in imagination as the generation of the experience of excitement - not realizing that i am herein only furthering and continuing the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as imagination as the escape from the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness and inferiority - attempting to balance myself within energetic experiences as the energetic mind consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become - instead of realizing that i am not 'inferior' as 'negative' and i am not 'superior' as 'positive', as both are but parts of one polarity that need each other to 'exist', like a system, and i am not a system, i am life as oneness and equality

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that the emotional experience of sadness as inferiority is part of a system as the mind as polarities and thus not real, not who i am

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to take responsibility for the emotional experience of sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough by allowing myself to be defined by it and by allowing myself to react to it with the desire to experience superiority as the energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that both sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough as well as excitement as a reaction to imagination as the thought that i am superior and better than others - is of the mind as ego as the desire to be special and separate from here, as the desire to experience something 'more' than what is here, wherein i feel 'special' and thus

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to accept myself as here, as existence as simplicity, constant and stable within and as self-honesty - neither inferior nor superior, good nor bad, right nor wrong, but simply HERE, one and equal with all that is HERE

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that both the emotional experience of sadness as well as the energetic experience of excitement is based on the belief that there is a god looking down on me and judging me - as both are energetic reactions to judgments as words that i heard from my environment, which i had allowed myself to separate myself from and look up to as if they are 'God' and their word is the 'Holy word of God'

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize myself as self-responsible, as alone within and as myself here, responsible for my existence and the experience of myself here - by having allowed myself to be directed by energetic experiences within myself based on judgments of 'good' and 'bad' in separation of myself

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to stand one and equal with my expression here, within and as the realization that i am responsible for myself here - by having allowed separation to exist within myself wherein i have accepted myself as 'a slave of God', subdued to 'His' judgments of 'right' and 'wrong' and 'good' and 'bad'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself within believing that there are 'other people' around me that are judging me and that think stuff about me in terms of 'good' and 'bad' - and that i am but the victim of these judgments of 'other people' - as i have allowed myself to believe that i am an inferior being as a mind consciousness system as separation - instead of taking responsibility for the fact that these judgments and 'people' exist in my mind as words and pictures and that i am therefore the creator due to having allowed it to exist within myself and i am thus responsible for it

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the emotional experience of inferiority and to therefore continuously attempt to run from that emotional experience within imagination and thoughts, instead of standing one and equal with inferiority as what is here as what exist within myself and standing up within and as self-honesty as oneness and equality as life within the realization that to run from myself is an illusion as i am always here

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to imagination as images in my mind wherein i build up an image of myself in separation of myself based on the desire for recognition that i have allowed to exist within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use imagination and fantasy as the mind to generate the energetic experience of excitement within myself in separation of myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from imagination by reacting to it with the energetic experience of excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as 'an imaginative personality'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to imagination by allowing myself to react to the images that i see in my mind and with my eyes with the energetic experience of excitement, wherein i allow myself to be directed by imagination as a pre-programmed construct - instead of being the directive principle of myself as life in every moment of breath as one and equal with images and pictures and one and equal with excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the energetic reaction of excitement as an automatic pre-programmed reaction to imagination and fantasies about relationships and sex as getting recognition and attention

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the automatic pre-programmed reaction of excitement as a reaction to imagination and fantasies by allowing myself to be defined by it

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other people based on 'how much imagination they have' within the desire to be and feel superior - instead of realizing that this feeling of superiority is not real as it is all based on the competition that i have allowed to exist in myself as the desire to survive, which is a mind reality and not the actual reality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate positive energetic experiences within myself based on sex and relationships by participating in fantasy and imagination, without realizing that i am actually creating and supporting negativity to exist within myself as the fear of being rejected and pushed away

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire participating in imagination wherein i build up my 'self-image' and thus generate the energetic experience of excitement within myself to which i have allowed myself to define myself with

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i exist within and as imagination as images within my mind - instead of realizing and accepting myself as HERE as the living expression of oneness and equality as the physical here-ness of life itself

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to accept myself as the physical expression of myself as the reality that is here as the 'I am' as the natural, simplistic expression of who i am as life itself and to therefore desire to escape/run away within my mind as an alternate reality of energy generated by pictures and words as a self-image of perceived 'superiority' through comparing my 'image' to the 'image presentation' of 'other humans' in this world that i see with my eyes

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that these images within my mind wherein i exist as the 'i' of consciousness as definitions and judgments based on accepted and allowed belief systems are but a construct, a program as a 'self-image' that is constructed upon ideas, beliefs, words, concepts and judgments that i have heard/seen from my environment that is all fueled and based upon the emotional experience of fear as the belief of myself as 'inferior' towards my (apparently superior) environment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every child should have an imagination and that a 'healthy' child is one with a 'big imagination'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'having a big imagination' is normal for a child

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that imagining different realities, personalities and creatures is normal for a child and even mandatory and 'healthy' within childhood - instead of realizing that that is in fact the child getting lost in a delusional world that is completely separate from the actual world as a result of the powerlessness and inferiority that the child experience within itself wherein it believes that it has no real power within its presence here in this reality, thus it attempts to escape within a fake mind-created reality wherein it can feel 'special' and important

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit childhood as the physical expression of a child in this world by believing that a child should have an imagination - instead of allowing a child as a physical being here in this reality to express itself freely and unconditionally in oneness and equality with adults

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought/idea/belief that 'imagination is natural and normal for a child's expression' - instead of realizing that that is actually a justification for the existence of imagination in children as the attempt to escape their experience of themselves here of fear, powerlessness and uselessness wherein they balance out the polarity of 'negative vs positive' by generating positive energetic experiences within themselves through participating in imagination as the 'personalized alternate reality of the mind'

i forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that imagination and the desire to participate in imagination is in fact the desire to create a fake reality in an attempt to escape this one - from an experience of being displeased/unsatisfied with the experience within self towards this reality as what is here due to the separation that one has allowed to exist within self - wherein one does not take any responsibility for ones experience here by trying to escape ones own inner experience

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use imagination to feel powerful as a energetic reaction to the experience of powerlessness and inferiority that i experienced within myself towards my parents, teachers and grandparents - instead of forgiving myself for having allowed myself to separate myself as my parents, teachers and grandparents from myself and for having allowed myself to accept myself as a victim of fear and standing up within and as oneness and equality as all as one within and as myself as the living expression of who I am as life itself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and escape from the fear that i experience within myself towards my environment within imagination, building and constructing a self-image within myself through words and pictures to 'feel better' about myself - instead of realizing that in this i am only perpetuating and fueling the energy of fear as inferiority as this is a polarity that needs a balance point to be able to exist, wherein the energy of excitement as perceived superiority is the balance point of fear and vice versa

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to get lost in imagination, within the belief that everything is 'good' and 'positive' and 'of light' as i wanted to escape myself here as the experience of inferiority, powerlessness, worthlessness and weakness - instead of realizing that both the 'negative emotional experiences' based on memories as well as the 'positive feeling experiences' generated by imagination are part of a polarity mind-construct of energetic experience of consciousness system, which is not who i really am as oneness and equality as life itself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my imagination as the pictures about 'reality' and the energetic reactions is real and to therefore trust my feelings/emotional reactions towards my imagination , wherein i experience myself as the victim of 'reality' as picture defined - instead of realizing myself as one and equal with all pictures that exist within myself within and as the realization that it all exist within myself therefore it is myself and therefore i am completely responsible for reality and my experience of/in it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive energetic charge to the word 'imagination'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word imagination with competition

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word imagination within competition

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from competition by defining imagination within competition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from childhood through defining imagination within childhood

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the desire to make money through defining imagination within the desire to make money

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from imagination and from the desire for recognition through defining imagination within the desire for recognition

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the emotional experience of powerlessness through defining imagination within the emotional experience of powerlessness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and the desire to experience power through defining imagination within the desire to experience power

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the word 'special' through defining imagination within the word 'special'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from seeking comfort through defining imagination within seeking comfort

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from having a rich life through defining imagination within having a rich life

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from comparison through defining imagination within comparison

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination to individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from individuality through defining imagination within individuality

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the desire to be unique through defining imagination within the desire to be unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the belief that i am unique through defining imagination within the belief that i am unique

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with the word/judgment of 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within the word 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the word 'shy' through defining imagination within the word 'shy'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word imagination with 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word imagination within 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from 'being asocial' through defining imagination within 'being asocial'

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought that i am an imaginative person with the memory of my classmates who told me that i could draw really well and my reaction of excitement

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills from my classmates and the energetic reaction of excitement within myself - instead of realizing myself as one and equal with this memory as a picture and an experience that exist within myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the memory of getting recognition from my classmates for my drawing skills and the energetic reaction of excitement within myself by connecting this memory with the thought that i am an imaginative person

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the connection between the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills wherein i reacted with the energy of excitement and the thought that i am an imaginative person to exist within myself in separation of myself through defining myself according to this connection as a 'personality-construct' - instead of realizing and accepting myself as one and equal with this construct within the realization that it exist within myself therefore it is me

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize myself as one and equal with the memory of feeling recognized/excited as a reaction to my classmates saying that i can draw really well by defining myself with it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit my experience of myself within and as reality here to the experience of excitement as an energetic reaction to people giving me recognition for what i do by having identified myself with the memory of reacting with energetic excitement to my classmates telling me that i can draw really well, thus limiting myself to the expression of imagination based on the desire to experience that energetic excitement as pre-programmed reaction to getting recognition from people - instead of realizing that even though the energetic excitement gives me the feeling that my expression is special and superior, the reality is in fact the opposite as i do not stand as the self-directed principle of myself as life itself within and as self-expression -- I have allowed myself to become but a pre-programmed system/robot that is directed by energetic experiences/reactions, thus not even really existing as an actual living being

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself with the judgment of 'shy' and 'quiet' as how people judged me - because i was lost in my imagination all of the time, running away from the fears that i experienced towards my environment as teachers and parents as the very beings that judged me as 'shy' and 'quiet' - thus perpetuating and supporting the personality-design that i had allowed to exist within myself of 'an imaginative person' and 'someone who thinks a lot' and 'someone who is with her head in the clouds' as the apparent 'character' as the 'role' i took on within this human reality based on judgments and definitions that my environment used to describe me

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, through participating within imagination and through having allowed myself to separate myself from imagination by reacting with energy to the images that i generate within my mind, to have constructed the illusion that 'reality' is images that exist outside of myself and that i am but a victim of that apparent 'image-reality' as the energetic reactions that i experience within myself - instead of realizing that i have constructed my experience as energetic reactions to images myself, by not taking responsibility for my imagination as the images within and as the mind and by not realizing myself as one and equal with the images within and as the mind and realizing myself as the creator of the images within and as the mind and the energetic reactions to the images

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing imagination as a pre-programmed, pre-designed construct that is based on survival as separation and ego to exist within myself as apparently a 'personality-trait' that defines who i am - instead of realizing that this is a pre-designed program that i have allowed to exist within myself and to direct and define me by having allowed myself to define myself as a consciousness system as ego as survival and separation, wherein i searched for 'survival techniques' as certain 'traits' and 'talents' that will ensure my survival in human society, such as imagination

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to express myself within and as oneness and equality as life itself, by expressing myself within and through imagination as the expression and experience of competition, conflict and separation as ego

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to even consider believing that imagination is an expression of myself as who i really am and to not realize that imagination is based on one purpose only, which is to manipulate human beings' feelings and emotions to ensure my survival in this human society as a mind consciousness system as what/who i have allowed myself to become

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate human beings' feelings and emotions through imagination wherein i aim to please humans within their energetic experience within themselves from the starting point of fearing rejection and thus fearing death and suffering - instead of realizing that i am only manipulating myself by not realizing myself as one and equal with all beings here, only supporting myself within and as the consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within manipulation through imagination from the starting point of using human beings to ensure my survival - wherein i try to manipulate their emotional/feeling experience by giving them a pleasant/good/nice feeling about themselves so they will support my existence - instead of realizing that in this i have reduced/diminished my existence to being a slave to human beings, a slave to the mind as separation and that this is not who i really am

Writing the correction

Realizations:

I realize myself as the eternal expression of life itself as oneness and equality and not just a robot following a program based on energy and belief systems

I realize that imagination as images in the mind is a systematic expression that in itself only limits itself to the system-expression of for instance television as images that are presented to me that i then copy

I realize that 'having a rich/big imagination', wherein i believed that i am 'more expressive' than another, actually means that i have become the opposite, as a very limited systematic pre-programmed expression as i have accepted myself as the limitations of the mind by defining myself according to 'my imagination' as the pictures and images in my mind and by actually believing that this is who i really am – and i realize just how limited this expression is as none of those images in my mind are who i really am as i have simply copied them from what i saw in my environment

I realize that the only reason why i believed and felt like my imagination as the moving pictures in my mind is valuable and apparently makes me more valuable is because of the desire for sex and relationships as attention and recognition that i had allowed to exist in myself wherein i saw my imagination as something that i could use to manipulate my environment to get them to notice me by entertaining them

I realize myself as responsible for the existence of this construct as the thought-feeling connection between the thought that i am an imaginative personality and the feeling of excitement as a construct that is based on the desire for recognition that i have copied from my father

I realize myself as the directive principle of myself as life in every moment of breath as one and equal with images and pictures and one and equal with excitement

I realize that this feeling of superiority is not real as it is all based on the competition that i have allowed to exist in myself as the desire to survive, which is a mind reality and not the actual reality

I realize and accept myself as HERE as the living expression of oneness and equality as the physical here-ness of life itself

I accept myself as the physical expression of myself as the reality that is here as 'I am' as the natural, simplistic expression of who i am as life itself

I realize that these images within my mind wherein i exist as the 'i' of consciousness as definitions and judgments based on accepted and allowed belief systems are but a construct, a program as a 'self-image' that is constructed upon ideas, beliefs, words, concepts and judgments that i have heard/seen from my environment that is all fueled and based upon the emotional experience of fear as the belief of myself as 'inferior' towards my (apparently superior) environment

I realize that that imagination is in fact the child getting lost in a delusional world that is completely separate from the actual world as a result of the powerlessness and inferiority that the child experience within itself wherein it believes that it has no real power within its presence here in this reality, thus it attempts to escape within a fake mind-created reality wherein it can feel 'special' and important

I accept and realize a child as a physical being here in this reality to express itself freely and unconditionally in oneness and equality with adults

I realize that the belief that it is normal and healthy for a child to have a ‘wild’ imagination is actually a justification for the existence of imagination in children as the attempt to escape their experience of themselves here of fear, powerlessness and uselessness wherein they balance out the polarity of 'negative vs positive' by generating positive energetic experiences within themselves through participating in imagination as the 'personalized alternate reality of the mind'

I realize that imagination and the desire to participate in imagination is in fact the desire to create a fake reality in an attempt to escape this one - from an experience of being displeased/unsatisfied with the experience within self towards this reality as what is here due to the separation that one has allowed to exist within self - wherein one does not take any responsibility for ones experience here by trying to escape ones own inner experience

I realize that in participating in imagination as the experience of excitement as superiority , i am only perpetuating and fueling the energy of fear as inferiority as this is a polarity that needs a balance point to be able to exist, wherein the energy of excitement as perceived superiority is the balance point of fear and vice versa

I realize that both the 'negative emotional experiences' based on memories as well as the 'positive feeling experiences' generated by imagination are part of a polarity mind-construct of energetic experience of consciousness system, which is not who i really am as oneness and equality as life itself

I realize myself as one and equal with all pictures that exist within myself within and as the realization that it all exist within myself therefore it is myself and therefore i am completely responsible for reality and my experience of/in it

I realize myself as one and equal with this memory as a picture and an experience that exist within myself

I realize and accept myself as one and equal with the construct of the memory of getting recognition for my drawing skills by my class mates and the energetic experience of excitement within the realization that it exist within myself therefore it is me

I realize myself as one and equal with the memory of feeling recognized/excited as a reaction to my classmates saying that i can draw really well by defining myself with it

I realize that even though the energetic excitement gives me the feeling that my expression is special and superior, the reality is in fact the opposite as i do not stand as the self-directed principle of myself as life itself within and as self-expression -- as I have allowed myself to become but a pre-programmed system/robot that is directed by energetic experiences/reactions, thus not even really existing as an actual living being

I realize that i have constructed my experience as energetic reactions to images myself, by not taking responsibility for my imagination as the images within and as the mind and by not realizing myself as one and equal with the images within and as the mind and realizing myself as the creator of the images within and as the mind and the energetic reactions to the images

I realize that this is a pre-designed program that i have allowed to exist within myself and to direct and define me by having allowed myself to define myself as a consciousness system as ego as survival and separation, wherein i searched for 'survival techniques' as certain 'traits' and 'talents' that will ensure my survival in human society, such as imagination

I express myself within and as oneness and equality as life itself, instead of expressing myself within and through imagination as the expression and experience of competition, conflict and separation as ego

I realize that i am only manipulating myself by not realizing myself as one and equal with all beings here, only supporting myself within and as the consciousness system that i have allowed myself to become

I realize that in this i have reduced/diminished my existence to being a slave to human beings, a slave to the mind as separation and that this is not who i really am

I realize that this reaction of desiring to create an alternate 'positive' mind-reality is the balancing-point of the experience/thought that i am not good enough as the 'negative', which is nothing but a pre-programmed construct and thus not who i really am as a being

i realize that this is a construct that i have copied from my parents and accepted as 'the truth' by trusting my parents rather than trusting myself as who i am here

i realize myself as one and equal with the thought that i am not good enough as what exist within myself as my creation - by allowing myself to be directed and defined by it in separation of it - instead of realizing that i am responsible for the existence of this thought within myself as it is my creation through my participation in the mind consciousness system as separation

I accept myself and express myself as constant and stable as the natural self-honest expression of myself here in and as oneness and equality

i accept and realize myself as one and equal with the emotional experience of sadness within and as the realization that this is an experience that i have allowed to exist within myself, therefore it is me

i realize that i am herein only furthering and continuing the inner experience of myself as 'not good enough' within and as sadness

i realize that i am not 'inferior' as 'negative' and i am not 'superior' as 'positive', as both are but parts of one polarity that need each other to 'exist', like a system, and i am not a system, i am life as oneness and equality

i realize that the emotional experience of sadness as inferiority is part of a system as the mind as polarities and thus not real, not who i am

i take responsibility for the emotional experience of sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough by allowing myself to be defined by it and by allowing myself to react to it with the desire to experience superiority as the energetic experience of excitement

i realize that both sadness and inferiority as a reaction to the thought that i am not good enough as well as excitement as a reaction to imagination as the thought that i am superior and better than others - is of the mind as ego as the desire to be special and separate from here, as the desire to experience something 'more' than what is here, wherein i feel 'special'

i accept myself as here, as existence as simplicity, constant and stable within and as self-honesty - neither inferior nor superior, good nor bad, right nor wrong, but simply HERE, one and equal with all that is HERE

i realize that both the emotional experience of sadness as well as the energetic experience of excitement is based on the belief that there is a god looking down on me and judging me - as both are energetic reactions to judgments as words that i heard from my environment, which i had allowed myself to separate myself from and look up to as if they are 'God' and their word is the 'Holy word of God'

i realize myself as self-responsible, as alone within and as myself here, responsible for my existence and the experience of myself here - by having allowed myself to be directed by energetic experiences within myself based on judgments of 'good' and 'bad' in separation of myself

i stand one and equal with my expression here, within and as the realization that i am responsible for myself here - instead of allowing separation to exist within myself wherein i have accepted myself as 'a slave of God', subdued to 'His' judgments of 'right' and 'wrong' and 'good' and 'bad'

i take responsibility for the fact that these judgments and 'people' exist in my mind as words and pictures and that i am therefore the creator due to having allowed it to exist within myself and i am thus responsible for it

i stand one and equal with inferiority as what is here as what exist within myself and standing up within and as self-honesty as oneness and equality as life within the realization that to run from myself is an illusion as i am always here

Self corrective statements:

Till here and no further – if and when I see imagination coming up within myself, as images that are separate from what is physically here – stop and breathe and I do not allow myself to participate because I realize that this imagination as the desire to participate in and create an alternate reality within my mind as images is in fact the desire to escape from the experience of myself here

So I do not allow myself to go ‘higher’ in the realms of the mind as imagination, but I rather look within myself at what it is that I am trying to escape from, what it is that I find so unpleasant about my experience here – and I direct myself through applying self forgiveness and self correction to stand constant and stable within and as oneness and equality – not allowing myself to participate in any energetic reactions as I realize that all energy is part of a polarity, which will eventually shift to the balance-point, thus creating a continuous loop of the same energetic experiences/reactions

Till here and no further – if and when I see the memory of getting recognition from my classmates for my ‘talents’ and ‘skills’ coming up within myself, I stop and breathe, and I do not allow myself to react with the energetic experience of excitement as I realize that this is a pre-programmed thought-construct that exist as a energetic charge for the consciousness system as separation as the mind that I have allowed myself to become and thus it is not who I really am as life itself as oneness and equality

I realize myself and accept myself as one and equal with the mind as imagination as all that is here – yet not separate from it as I realize, and I stand within and as the realization that the images in the mind, the thoughts, perceptions, feelings and beliefs about myself and reality of the mind is actually already HERE as the mind mine the physical reality to construct its illusion reality as hidden pictures and thoughts

Therefore I stand up within and as all of reality – and I realize that imagination is a very limited construct of the mind as it gives the impression/feeling that it is very ‘grand’ and ‘superior’ when in fact it is like a prison of the mind wherein I will only experience a small part of reality as the pictures in my mind, based on energetic experiences

So, I stand up as all of existence within and as myself and I do not allow myself to define myself within imagination as the limited construct prison of the mind as a ‘personality’/’identity’ as a personalized version of what reality is – as I realize that this is basically existing in a complete illusion so that I can feel special, which implies that I don’t even really exist as I do not stand one and equal with and as existence by simply refusing to be self-honest about who I am as what is in fact real

Till here and no further – I stand up within and as the realization that it is completely unacceptable to ‘faze out’ from the real world, as what is here, to get lost in my personalized alternate reality in and as imagination wherein I am apparently the ‘god’ of my reality as pictures and experiences – as I realize that this is in fact being a very abusive god that is out for power and that is thus in fact a victim of its own creation

So I stand up as the god that I really am as life as oneness and equality, taking responsibility for all that is here as me – taking responsibility for all that exist within myself to direct myself within what is best for all, to create a heaven on earth for all life as me

And I do not allow myself to faze out and tune out from what is here as myself as my presence here by participating in imagination, based on the belief that I am not alone responsible for myselfhere – therefore I stand up within and as the realization that I am completely responsible for myself here and I take complete responsibility for all of myself here, for all of my creation by accepting myself as one and equal with imagination, one and equal with the energetic experience of excitement and one and equal with the pictures and images that I see with my eyes in reality here- because I realize that I am here, so I am responsible for all that is here as myself

till here and no further: if and when i see the thought that i am not good enough coming up within myself - i stop and breathe - and i do not allow myself to react with the emotional reaction of sadness and inferiority to this thought as i realize that this is a mind-construct based on the belief that i am not alone responsible for myself

And i do not allow myself to exist within the belief that i am not alone responsible for myself - as i stand up within and as the realization that i am here, one and equal with all that is here

i stop the mind-construct of believing myself to not be good enough and the emotional reaction of sadness and inferiority within myself because i realize that this is a system, and i am not a system

i realize myself as life as constant and stable within and as oneness and equality

i realize and accept myself as self-determined, and self-directive

i realize and accept myself as self-respect within self-responsibility

i realize and accept myself as alone as all one

and i direct myself in each and every moment within and as absolute all-one ness, taking responsibility for all life as me here, within and as myself here

Redefining the word "imagination"

Gathering information:

Establishing self’s allocation point:

i see 'imagination' as a 'trait' that i can use to make money, become a person 'of worth' in the world of human relationships, for instance to make movies, music, paintings, drawings that human beings will like and feel good about, which makes them then like me and want to support me and my survival in this reality.

"imagine - nation" - the act of imagining an alternative 'nation'/world within and as images in the mind, as being completely separate from reality here, and existing in this fake alternate reality that is not actually real

"image - in - negation" - the act of creating and existing in the alternate 'nation' of images in the mind, in complete and deliberate negation of what is real

Investigating the information of the word that has been gathered

The current definition that i have given to the word, is definitely within a positive charge - as the word implies the very desire to experience a 'positive' alternate reality in and as the mind as images, to escape from the negative reality that is in fact here. However the definition that is given by the dictionary:

"theactionorprocessofforming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses"

is a more clear definition that does not have a positive or negative charge

New definition

"theactionorprocessofforming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses"

Checking the definition

Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?