Resident Tempts Fate, Sits Down at Nursing Computer

JACKSONVILLE, FL – Greg Schmidt, an internal medicine resident at Mercy Hospital put his career in danger earlier this week when he chose to sit down at a nearby nursing computer. “I just couldn’t help myself,” an exasperated Schmidt explains. “The nursing computers always have the best chairs, ergonomic keyboards, and a prime location on the floor. It’s entrapment!”

Witnesses reported seeing Schmidt leave the inpatient’s room, look around for a few seconds, and then sit down at a computer claimed by the nursing staff in an egregious disregard for unspoken hospital rules.

It was clear to everybody on the 3rd floor general medicine wing that the computer in question was nursing property. “The ‘NURSING ONLY’ sign or the ‘HANDS OFF’ stickers were clear warning signs,” stated fellow resident Bridget Johnson. “Not to mention the computer screen was adorned with pictures of small dogs and take out menus.”

This inexcusable physician takeover of a nursing computer is not without precedent. Several years ago, a medicine intern sat down at a nursing computer to complete a note. He reportedly even moved a fluorescent green Nalgene bottle out of his way in an obvious attempt to draw the ire of the entire nursing staff. The consequences were severe as the poor intern was paged relentlessly for increasingly complex diet orders over the following 3 days.

Schmidt is already feeling the repercussions of his unconscionable decision. “Not only am I getting hourly blood pressure reports and direct pages from patients’ family members, but the social workers and physical therapists won’t even talk to me,” explains Schmidt. “The nursing influence runs deep. They own this place.”