Well, after
all, 'ee is moi bruvver ain't 'ee, the daft spendthrift, so 'ow c'n Oi refuse?
D'yew know, 'ee already owes me more money'n wot there is in all the Bank of
England. Anybody sensible would fink that that would make 'im at least a bit considerate
(there's a fancy word fer yew) towards me, but there ain't nuffink doin'; 'ee
still treats me loike as though Oi owed 'im somefink, when the truth is, it's
'im wot owes me.

At 'ome,
'ee ain't so bad, mostly; but when 'ee's tergevver wiv Stinky an' Itchy, 'ee
gets real insufferable. Oi suppose it's ter show off ter them as 'ow 'ee's the
boss. But loike Oi said, it don't wash wiv me, an' 'ee always gets back as good
as wot 'ee gives, even though 'ee's a year older. Boys (wiv a few rare
exceptions) are mostly jus' more immature than wot girls are; an' that's about
all there is ter that…

Sunday, 2 June 2013

Ain't
dreams peculiar? Oi 'ad a dream the ovver noight where Oi visited an island. It
were an island wot yew can't always see, 'cos, loike a submarine, it c'd go
down under the water so's yew couldn't see it no more. When Oi first come towards
it, Oi was feelin' pretty miserable, 'cos only the very top of it was showin',
an' it were slowly goin' under. Oi 'ad ter open my eyes real wide ter keep on
seein' it (only Oi din't really open 'em, 'cos Oi were asleep, weren't Oi?)

Any'ow,
the more Oi opened moi eyes, the more the island came up out of the water. An' as
Oi got closer, I saw a notice on the beach wot said as 'ow the island was
called 'Ope. An' then underneath, in little squitty writin', it said as 'ow,
unless yew opened yer eyes real good, so's enough light c'd get in, yew wasn't
allowed ter come ashore, 'cos wivvout yer eyes bein' wide open, the island would
sink down agen.