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Archives for April 2014

I tucked her in bed and pulled up the cozy pink comforter to her chin. “Mommy?” she whispered after prayers were said.

“Yes, honey?” I waited.

“I am sad.”

“Really, why?” trying to remember what would cause this statement.

“I’m sad I don’t have my own iTouch like my friends.”

SAY WHAT?

“A lot of my friends have them and iPhones, too,” she said as she rattled off half her first grade class.

“Why do you want one?” I asked, even though I could have guessed her answer.

Because my friends have one.

And then I went on to tell her this wasn’t right for her at seven years old. But this wasn’t about technology (although- really?)–she could have asked for a purple pony named Lucy or a giant stuffed marshmallow that all the kids must have now. The point is, we cannot give our kids stuff just because their friends have it.

And we cannot give in to giving our kids stuff because our friends are giving it to their kids.

It’s a dangerous cycle that is hard to break.

These over-the-top two year old birthday parties are more about the moms competing with their friends than the cake-covered baby having a meltdown due to exhaustion. I watched a mom at my daughter’s tumbling class tap on the glass and give her little girl a stern look and whispered through gritted teeth to “stop having fun” and then I overheard her comparing her daughter’s skills with another mother.

That little girl flipping on the mat just wanted to have fun. Her mother was the real competitor.

We cannot make our parenting choices based on what others are doing. We have to purpose our lives with intention or we will just end up being like everyone else, caught in a trap in our culture that demands we fit in.

What do we say to our kids when their friends get everything they want?

1. We don’t do what everyone else does. We will not try and keep up. Sometimes we just need to say no.

We must choose what is best for our own family today, so that when the latest fad or must-have is hot on the market, we have a plan that isn’t tossed around by the gimmes or the pressure to give in because everyone else is.

2. We remind them about perspective: Not everyone has this or (fill in the blank). It may seem like you’re the only one in your class or in your grade or on this planet who isn’t fitting in or keeping up. But if we are going to compare ourselves to others, let’s also compare ourselves to kids who live in poverty. That way we will live in the middle of those who have everything and those who have nothing.

3. We have to plan for what we say yes to. We are intentional. Saying it too often only fans the flame of entitlement.

4. We are more concerned about who you are than what you have. I love seeing my kids happy. But keeping them happy all the time isn’t my number one priority. Parenting is a marathon and we have to remember our longterm goal of raising beautiful people who love God and others.

Sure, your kid might end up with the latest technology that you require them to save their money for and you may throw that one over-the-top 13th birthday party you’ve been planning all year. There isn’t anything wrong with these things when they are a part of your plan.

Because here’s the thing: When we parent with intention and moderation and our kids end up getting something they really want or have worked for–That gift will be intentional and not just another thing to add their pile of stuff. It will be appreciated.

Because we have to balance the natural desire to give our kids the world without giving them over to it.

Motherhood is messy.

But we can say yes in the mess and live a life that is making a difference in our world and most importantly, in our home. Because families who choose to live different do.

He has Stage IV cancer.
Our strong, healthy friend is dying.
This killer invaded his body quietly. It's wild to think of the silent battle we don't even know we could be fighting. How close we walk to death in life...
We can't answer the when's and how's, we can only hold onto the truth that God can do anything.
Because we are people of the Resurrection. We believe in the impossible. We hope for the improbable.
I have watched our friend give even more of his time and energy to ... Read More

I used to think my greatest fear was inadequacy.
I believed these words for a very long time.
You could never do that.
You aren't good enough.
You cannot make a difference.
You will fail.
But the day I said yes to something bigger than my capability, I discovered being inadequate -not having all the answers, not being successful, not being enough--these weren't my deepest fears.
My deepest fear was rooted in the unleashing of my yes. I realized the unbelievable, unspeakable ... Read More

I spent 10 minutes looking for my denim jacket the other day. I looked everywhere--in my closet, car, laundry room. I finally gave up, scratching my head in wonder.
It turned out my teen daughter looked quite stylish that day at school.
Can anyone else identify? I'm just glad we aren't the same shoe size anymore.
A friend told me it was a high compliment--that my teenager thinks (some) of my wardrobe is cool enough to wear. I'm honored. Sort of (because I was also a bit cold without my ... Read More

I get it.
I know just how hard it is to get dinner on the table and five people around it who are all going five different directions at five o'clock.
Mondays my oldest has church youth group and Tuesdays my son has after school honor band practice and Wednesdays we meet with other families for Bible Study and Thursdays, we have dental and eye appointments or --well, you get my point. Some days the window for all of us to be together is so small, it would be easier to just eat on the go or ... Read More

Sometimes I don't even know I need to hear the words.
Until he says them.
And then I'm like a sponge and I soak them up like my life depended on hearing them.
The whole family spent the entire Saturday knocking down dead trees, pulling up weeds and pulling down thorny vines tangled in our trees. We turned up the earth and planted tiny okra, pepper and tomato plants, already dreaming of summer. If it sounds exhausting, that's because it was, but it's my favorite kind of day. We were all ... Read More

There are problems.
And then THERE ARE FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
Like these real comments left this week on Disney's Facebook page by irate mothers who can't find Frozen merchandise for their children (source):
I have been staying up late every night checking the site. I didn't think the site would refresh during the day. SO irritated! My girl has been waiting for a classic Elsa doll since Christmas. She can't understand why Santa didn't get her one since it was what she wanted most. Now she ... Read More

I'm a mom.
I have a lot of messes.
Currently: there is a science fair project involving 1000 paper clips most of which are scattered under my dining room table and an entire package of broken Girl Scout cookies on my kitchen floor. (One of these is more fun to pick up, by the way).
But there's always been an internal mess too... struggling with who I am, what I'm supposed to do, wondering if I'm a good enough wife and mom...
After years of wondering if I was enough, I decided to say ... Read More