Like Beyoncé and Radiohead before him, Louis C.K. took to his website last week and self-released a new old movie to his fans, a feature film he finished back in 1998 but had kept in film cans since its 1998 Sundance Festival debut. (He did a similar thing in 2011 when he released his Live at the Beacon Theater standup show exclusively through his site.) For $5, fans are able to go on his website and download the movie, and all proceeds will go toward him making another film. So far the reviews have been mediocre, which probably has you wondering: "Is spending $5 of my precious money really worth it?" Now you don't have to decide — we went ahead and watched the movie for you.

Here's an insert shot of Louis (playing the hose holder) spraying passerby Amy Poehler. The film is riddled with "that person looks familiar" or "that person wasn't famous then but is now" appearances.

The movie focuses on monotone-voiced Charles (Chuck Sklar) working at a photo shop. He's Asperger-y to his customers, a kind of never-cracks-a-smile guy who's fed up none of his customers have come by to pick up their packets of developed film. He starts phoning them up and threatening to throw the film away unless they stop by.

You see, Charles is into sloshing: sexual acts with food. Charles's way to relax and release pent-up sexual frustration is to put on a record of old time-y music, scoop out some ice cream (perhaps Baskin Robbins? Or maybe Edy's?), proceed to methodically take his pants off, and, well, you get the drift.

This gives new meaning to the scene on Louie in which C.K. eats a pint of ice cream while mumbling "babies with AIDS." A disclaimer at the end of the film says the ice cream bit is "based on my uncle Timmy" — which may or may not be true.

It's always a good idea to befriend your neighborhood mailman, especially since they're full of invaluable relationship advice.

The introverted Charles strikes up a conversation with gregarious postman Mel, played by then-unknown J.B. Smoove. Charles tells Mel he asked Ms. Vagina on a date and Mel responds with: "She's gonna rip your dick off and feed it to her cat." This statement doesn't deter Charles and he goes out on a double date with Mel and his girl Wanda Sykes (in her film debut).

As the film progresses, things get weirder and weirder. Charles meets Florence when he takes a packet of film over to her house. She, like Charles, is seeking camaraderie, and they discover they're both fastidious. Thus they form a relationship.

If you're waiting for a problem to go away, there's always the chance that problem will be eaten alive by a pack of wild German Shepherds, right in the middle of New York City.

Cut to the Army and the reason Florence hasn't received his letters: post office workers Robert Smigel and Steve Carell. They've been throwing all of Willie's letters away, and they fk with him to the point where they trick Willie into thinking they've bought him a bus ticket home to see his mother, when in fact they've put him on a bus to Mexico City.

Charles keeps going back to a MacGuffin of an enigmatic orphaned film packet, and finally at the end of the film, Charles opens the packet and discovers the photos are of him, right now, and there's a photo of him dead! That's how it ends. Only C.K. knows what this means.