Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

So this started out just being a cover reveal for Wounded Volume 1-- and then I realized I should probably show you Volume II even though it's not available for presale yet, just so you see the difference.

And, cause double the Bracken is double the frickin' FUN! *swoons*

He's beautiful, isn't he? And oh my God-- Bracken is #1 in my list of characters who took over and made me fuckin' love him. I was not expecting all of that dangerous smoldering sex appeal mixed in with a heart of tenderest gold. *happy sigh* I love Bracken so much, I'm thrilled to have two of him! (Even though that's not really why we decided to break up the book into two volumes. We decided to break up the book because it's a long frickin' book, and between pre-production and post-production, it was taking a really long time, so a broken up book made that go faster, and made the book a little cheaper, and, well, was just generally a good idea!

Cory fled the foothills to deal with the pain of losing Adrian, and Green watched her go. Separately, they could easily grieve themselves to death, but when an old enemy of Green's brings them back together, they can no longer hide from their grief—or their love for each other.

But Cory's grieving has cut her off from the emotional stability that's the source of her power, and Green's worry for her has left them both weak. Cory's strength comes from love, and she finds that when she's in the presence of Adrian's best friend, Bracken, she feels stronger still.

But defeating their enemy is by no means a sure thing. As the attacks against Cory and her lovers keep coming, it becomes clear that their love might not be enough if they can't heal each other—and themselves—from the wounds that almost killed them all.

*hums with happiness*

Oh, I am so excited!

Also, there is an excerpt for Quickening posted RIGHT HERE! So, you know-- HUZZAH! Now that Vulnerableis back in town, our Little Goddess is open for business and charging right along!

Monday, March 30, 2015

So, Squish's birthday is on Friday, and Easter is on Sunday, and we are rapidly approaching one of those weird periods where I'm living my life instead of blogging it, and no writing gets done.

Yeah, it scares me too.

Anyway, don't be afraid when nothing pops up on my feed for a couple of days (I can't yet determine when it's going to happen-- it could be on shopping day, it could be the day I get my hair done, it could be Friday, when we're running around the house cleaning it and screaming, "Oh hell! When do we have to be at the pizza place?"

Either way, I foresee an avalanche of domestic need dumping down on my head, and, well, I love y'all, but you're the first to go.

Anyway, just be aware, it won't last long-- I'll be back soon.

And as for what I did today? Well, I found my keys, which is a big deal, because apparently you have to forfeit a child or a pet or something when you lose your keys these days. Yeah, it's terrifying-- I left my keys and Chili's on Friday and the poor girl at the kiosk was like, "But you have to tell me what make and model the car was, or I won't be able to give you the keys and they're so expensive!"

I was like, "Uh, two lanyards, one with Dreamspinner Press and one with Beneath the Stain and a Gandalf Lego keychain and a Blackbird Knitting in a Bunny's Lair keychain and…"

She's like, "The type of car."

"Oh yeah. Odyssey."

"Here you go. YOu had me scared for a second."
She was very sweet, and I almost said Dodge Caravan. Which would have been fine, I guess, because those keys are still on there-- a last gasp of denial.

Anyway-- till tomorrow! Oh-- and speaking of tomorrow, I've got a couple of releases on their way, one of them Wednesday. Keep an eye out for Foolish Encounters at amazon-- it's a collection of April Fool's Shorts, and yes, I swear mine is funny and light. (Those of you who read Nascha may doubt me-- I understand, but it's true.) So anyway--it's out at Wilde City already, and I understand a lot of the stories are quirky fantasy/sci-fi, so it sounds really enjoyable!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Mate, looking through the cupboards this morning: You did a bad bad thing!

Me: What? Wha'd I do?

Mate: You bought bad things!

Me: (looking at the four boxes of Oreos) Well, you know. Four kids, two grown, no school for a week…

Mate: (flicking me on the head) Well I'm sure all they'll eat now is Oreos!

Me: Well I also bought acres of fruits and veggies. (I am very self-righteous as I say this.)

Mate: Which I"m positive they'll eat instead of Oreos!

* * *

We picked Zoomboy up from his school Yosemite trip the other night. Imagine thirty unwashed eleven- year-olds wandering around grabbing their gear and trying to reconnect with all their parents. In short… chaos.

But it did feature this one moment:

Zoomboy, grabbing my arm and looking into my eyes with all earnestness: And we saw a bobcat and we hiked to Vernal Falls and now you know I can hike a long way because we kept going and going and going…

Towheaded kid I don't know, grabbing my arm as ZB is speaking: And we did--we hiked all the way to the top of the falls, and it was wonderful and it was six and a half miles and we did it-- we had so much fun and--

Zoomboy: And we had to hide our stuff from the bears and we used the heater in the cabin so I didn't need my long underwear and…

Me, watching the towheaded kid wander off to find his parents: Was that your friend?

Zoomboy: Yes. We hiked together in the woods. And we didn't see any bears even though we had to hide our stuff from the bears and the thing on my wrist was so I could eat and…

Me: So when's the last time you bathed?

Zoomboy: Uhm…

Me: Let's say it's tonight!

On a general note, I'm saying the money for sending them on a "character building trip"was money well spent. He is even more of a character now than he was when he left.

And that towheaded kid ain't bad either.

* * *

Big T: The little kids and I have a plan. We're going to watch The Breakfast Club.
Me: Penguins of Madagascar? Peabody and Sherman?
Big T: (laughing) Well, yeah. Those look good too, but I think they'll like The Breakfast Club.
Me: Okay. The minute their eyes glaze over, you go ahead and put this in. Trust me. It'll go over better.
As it turns out, Mate and I sat down with Big T and watched Breakfast Club, while the little kids cleaned their rooms. Which meant that we saved them the opportunity to be cynical and hate their elders at too young an age. Go us!

* * *

Mate: You were good-- you wrote, you did laundry, you went shopping and cooked. I spent the morning watching… God. I can't even remember what I watched…

Me: That's because it was White House Down!

Mate: Heh heh heh… oh yeah. Yeah. Who wants to remember that?

Me: And yet, you keep watching it.

Mate: Shit goes boom.

Me: Of course.

* * *

And the cartoons of Crowley and Azraphel from Good Omens? Those are Chicken's work. She also designed my new avatar (which, alas, is temporary) so if anyone is interested in purchasing an avatar or art work from her, by all means visit THIS LINK. And besides her own art, she also publishes VERY funny .gifs and art from friends :-)

Friday, March 27, 2015

* Zoomboy got back from his trip to Yosemite. Never has one boy talked so much or so fast between the hours of 8 pm and 11 pm. He hiked to the top of Vernal Falls, saw a bobcat, hid his clothes from bears, and didn't bathe once. (Guess what mom made him do first thing. He was still wearing the same underwear. Everybody let that sink in and go shower.)

* Squish and I went to Starbucks after school, where they gave us free pup-a-cinnos. This is a small cup of whipped cream that you give to your dog. It's awesome, and my dogs will have many more to come.

* Riptide sent me flowers and Elizabeth North sent me a congratulations card, and it really isn't a dream, it's not it's not it's not!

* Julianne and I spent a substantial amount of time looking online for what amounts to a grown person's prom dress. And shoes. Mate has put a veto on the pantsuit, and I have dreams of losing a zillion pounds before July. I don't remember being this excited/nervous about my actual prom.

* This podcast happened, and I adore Jay from Joyfully Jay anyway, but this was her being brilliant and insightful about the genre and about book blogs in general. Yeah, yeah, the shoutouts did nothing to diminish my excitement over hearing one of my favorite subjects discussed at length by some stunningly bright women who love romance.

* CHICKEN IS COMING TOMORROW! Yup. That's exciting. From having hardly any baby birds at all to a full nest. Oh, holy crap, is this my HOUSE?

* I actually remembered to fill the tank before the tank was empty. This is me, alerting the media.

* And I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but Quickening is coming along. I already sent the first half to DSPP, and since it's being released in two parts (as is Wounded, Bound, and Rampant) that's exciting. That means the first volume of Quickening is done! So, for those who have been waiting? Well there's proof that your faith will be rewarded! Thank you!

* I'll do a cover reveal for Wounded as soon as it's available from DSPP!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

So, I saw Heidi Cullinan's tweet this morning. She was full of *FLAIL* because she'd been nominated for a RITA® award in long contemporary fiction forFever Pitch--the first gay romance writer to get the call.

I was happy for her, and so proud for our genre and…

Okay. I can admit it. HELL YES was I jealous. I mean, aren't we all, even if we like the person and admire their work? Don't we want the recognition? I wrote an entire Amy's Lane last year at this time about dealing with that let down, and about being happy for what we have, and proud for our friends and excited that there is such good literature in the world-- and I still stand by that piece. Every writer worth his or her salt really is the prettiest princess to a reader out there who feels absolutely saved by that particular book-- and to connect with someone in that way really is the greatest honor. You can't name an award after that--and it really is why we do what we do.

But, all that being said, when J. Kenner called me as I drove Squish to school this morning, I have to confess that I totally lost my fuckin' mind. Poor woman-- first I screamed, "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!" And then I gushed all over her because I adored Wanted and am now going to read her backlist. And then I bailed from the conversation because I was driving while talking on a cell phone which is illegal in California, and Squish was in the back of the car going, "Congratulations mom! I think I'm late!!!" (The congratulations were sincere-- she was such a supportive little Squish!)

You see, J. Kenner was calling for the RITA Award committee, andThe Bells of Times Squaremade the cut for best short historical.

And Lynda Aicher has an erotic story--Bonds of Denial-- in the nominations too.

Which means there are three RITA Award ® nominated authors who write gay romance. And I'm one.

Yeah-- I'm one.
Sarah Frantz, my editor for Bells called me as I sat in front of Squish's school, and we squeee'd on each other for about five minutes. I'm still in a bit of shock. (And oddly enough, I'm starving. Nobody tells you that's a side effect of being nominated for something, but the Oscar nominees who have to show up in the skimpy dresses must be miserable.) I'm nominated for a Romance Oscar. Holy fuckin' wow.

I was already going to the RWA ® Nationals this year-- but now, I'm one of the people in the black dress at the awards banquet.

Damn. Thanks to everyone who has offered congratulations, and to everyone who read Bells, or Beneath the Stain or any Amy Lane book and thought, "Damn. That's good stuff! I want to tell the world!"

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

If no, don't worry-- I'll probably be replacing it soon, possibly with my standard headshot, which you can see in the bio section.

If yes, I'm sorry-- don't get attached.

The thing is, I'm going to be re-vamping my website, my logo, my image, all of that stuff, and part of that is making everything uniform.

The problem is, uniformity is not my strong suit.

Also?

I like a bright, bold cartoon avatar for FB and Twitter-- something about the size of the thumbnail an my increasingly aging eyes makes the the thick lines and brazen colors appealing and easy to identify. To that end, I asked Chicken to make me an avatar that looked like ME. She tried twice to make ME a skinnier version of me, but even Mate said, "The chubby mom thing is very you." And the fleeing cat thing is just funny. I've been told that I'll probably have to get over the cartoon avi-- that I'm going to want to stick to my headshot, and if I don't like the headshot, I need to have a new one taken and get over myself. From a marketing standpoint, this is VERY SOUND advice, but from a personal standpoint, the bias against my own picture is very hard to overcome. The photographer did a lovely job, but I don't spend a lot of time gazing into a mirror, and so I'm always surprised that middle aged person in the picture is really me. And she was three years younger there, so I'm always mentally adding wrinkles, which is sort of an ego blow as well.

The colors are… well, you'll see when it all falls out, but orange, purple, and lemon yellow are going to be very integral to the new logo/website thing, so this is sort of a transitional avatar. It's getting you used to things--and hopefully making you smile.

I know it made ME smile, and since it is me, that's important too :-)

And about the dogs?

They dogs follow me throughout the house whenever I move-- but they don't just "follow" me. They wrestle/chase me. So every time I walk down the hall, I've got this tornado of small dog wreaking havoc in my wake. And when I do laundry, this happens:

Monday, March 23, 2015

Which is part of the reason I came unglued when I dropped Zoomboy and Squish off to school this morning.

We spent all weekend getting Zoomboy ready for his trip to Yosemite-- new long underwear, new wool socks, dad's old coat, old sleeping bag, old pillow, new alpaca hat made by mom at the last minute because she couldn't stand to think of her little boy out in the woods with strangers and bears and nothing from mama.

And I've sent my kids on trips before with their grandparents and such, but I was in the drop off queue for school and ZB got out and gave me a kiss and wrestled his backpack and pillow out of the car…

And was gone.

And I didn't get a picture or a big full hug and…

And I sobbed all the way back home.

Because I'm a weenie.

And I miss my kid already.

And it was a really nice fuckin' hat. (You can see Mate modeling it last night. Does he look tired? We were both tired-- got that kid ready for Yosemite like BOSSES oh yes we did.)

Mate and I went to see Insurgent on Friday night with my friend. This evening, as he was telling Chicken about it, he said, "Yeah-- the theater was depressing. Three old people and a theater full of teenaged girls with a few dates hoping to get lucky."

Beat. Beat.

Then Chicken faced enlightenment.

"Oh--was Auntie Wendy with you?"

Mate nodded glumly. "Yup."

Well, at least she didn't jump to the immediate conclusion that we were the old people… that was nice, right?

Sunday, March 22, 2015

I was watching one of those crime shows about the hacker who can get into any data base on the planet in two seconds while making wisecracks at the same time?

I love those shows.

I mean, hands down-- have fallen completely in love with them.

I'm mesmerized. I don't care if it's impossible for one person to out-hack a battalion of cyber-criminals and police in two minutes of snarky banter. I don't care if serial killers usually succeed by using simple stuff instead of hyper intelligent "No mouse is smarter than me!" mousetraps, and that there are (thank Pete!) not nearly that man psychopaths in such a limited space (even New York!) and that one of these shows usually covers a thousand years of serial killer and mysterious death and psychopath history + embellishment in the course of one season.

Doesn't bother me.

It's like magic.

In fact, it's exactly like magic.

Like the fairy princess and the snarky belligerent prince use their magic wands and various fairy godparents to elude the dark sorcerer and slay the dragon, with full acknowledgment that even if they slay the dragon and elude the sorcerer the battle will continue tomorrow.

And that's why we love those shows. Because the cyberworld is scary, and it's such a specialized science that to many of us, it is magic. Because monsters are real, whether they wear human form or not, and we want to believe that there are spunky princesses and snarky belligerent princes who can slay the dragons and vanquish the sorceress. Yes, computers are beyond our ken (some of our ken) and it's gotten to the point where the people at the help desk of our porn companies know more about our OS than we do, and that seems like a modern problem, but it's not.

A thousand years ago, people didn't know what was out there in the dark and they invented Grendel and Grendel's mother and Nimue and dragons and scary bears and giant sea monsters, because they knew there were monsters even if they didn't have a clear picture of what the danger was. We're the same people--we know there is danger, we know there are monsters so we invent shows that give us hope the monsters can be slain, that's all.

And it doesn't hurt that the princesses are pretty and spunky and brave and the princes are snarky and loyal and true.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

* Yesterday, the kids were awesome and took out the trash. I was sweeping up the floor when I noticed they'd forgotten to put liners in the cans.

"Hey, Zoomboy-- come here and put a bag in the trashcan, could you?"

He pads into the kitchen and reaches for the box with the bags in it. But first he has to move something.

"Oh, hey!" he says, lighting up like a firecracker. "Look! Sunflower seeds! I love sunflower seeds!"

And then he walked away, happily munching sunflower seeds, leaving me holding the broom and the dustpan in his wake.

* Today, I had to write two blog posts promotingFood for Thought.So, basically talk about the one thing I know least about-- the kitchen-- while sitting in the kitchen. I start writing about food rescue, and how cheese is your ultimate weapon, and thinking about what's in the refrigerator and...
An hour later, the kids come in.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Weird Moment: At the gym, getting out of the pool and heading for the jacuzzi, cause, 65 degrees, need heat! Anyway, there is an elderly woman sitting on the steps of the pool. She is wearing her bra and her underwear and holding her brightly striped orange and black swimsuit in her hands.

Yes. You read that right.

Anyway, I had sunglasses on, but that must not have disguised the fact that I was… uhm… surprised… and she looked at me and smiled sunnily.

"Buh-bye!" she chirped, her Russian accent heavy.

Then she proceeded to put the swimsuit on her head and paddle laps in the deep end, wearing the suit like a babushka.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

A. One of the girls at my McDonald's noticed my ticket to the Marvel show on Saturday-- which rocked, btw. Anyway, she told me that she liked superheroes. On impulse I pulled out my my knitting pouch and showed her Batman and Superman, macking each other hard.

She was shocked, titillated, and, I could tell, interested.

I drove away and left her like that. Maybe tomorrow, I'll give her a card!

B. I quit drinking diet soda in January. Contrary to all reports, I did not automatically lose weight, gain a better complexion, or develop heightened mental acuity.

The downside of this was that I giggled all the way through my dental cleaning, because IT FUCKING TICKLES.

They like me there, though. They've known me since I was a kid. They look forward to taking care of ZB's teeth, which will need more metal than the Bay Bridge to reconfigure. Hell-- my family? We've probably bought my dentist's motorcycle. We're solid that way.
C. I am not allowed to post this, but I wish I could. Chicken sent me a video of her and her friend dressed in costume dancing in a classroom. I still don't understand the school assignment that drove them to it, but a Super Chicken in Steampunk Goggles singing "Uptown Funk" is one of those things you will never forget.

Ever.

I want a still for her wedding album.

I want to show it to her children.

I don't

want to stop giggling over my little girl having fun, because it really was my happy for the day.

D. I blew up the picture of Geoffie-- I was was trying to prove she wasn't a muppet. Tough job, that-- she looks less like a real dog than ever.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

I used to think I was all about the cats, and while Steve the Cat is still my boon companion in the bathroom, and still very possessive of me when it comes time to be fed, the dogs have evolved into…

Giant furry pain in the ass relatives that I can't kick out and would miss horribly if they left.

Not a healthy relationship, no.

* In the morning, I have taken to traveling with dog treats in the car so that I can call them back from being "at large" on the front sidewalk as I walk from the car to the house. Does this work? Are they greedy little bastards who prostitute their dignity and dance backwards for a single scrap of "pup-a-roni"? You bet your ass it works.

* In the afternoon, if I end up taking a nap (and since Safari quit on me today, and refused to resurrect, it was like God telling me to "Go! Go! You'll get your work done eventually!") the dogs come with me. They're excited about nap time. The littlest one runs around and dust mops my face with her ruff and then passes out on top of the covers as though dead. The bigger one usually crawls under the covers with me and hangs. This afternoon, he decided he needed to go to the bathroom so he let him self out (and the back door was open, just to let the spring air in) and then came back. When he came back, he licked me, every so gently, on the lips. My eyes shot open and I peeled back the comforter, and then he dove in under the covers to his usual place.

As I fell asleep, I thought, "OMG-- I just let a dog into my bed for nothing but a kiss on the lips. Either I'm Sleeping Beauty or I'm easy as fuck!" And then I fell asleep, because, hello, NAP!

* They take turns bullying the cat, which saddens me on many levels. A. The cat is bigger than them, and I want her to triumph over their weenie asses. B. The cat doesn't DO anything to them-- she is sweet, and a little stupid, but mostly sweet, and she likes sleeping and clawing my leg for attention-- THE END. C. They are full of themselves, and I wish someone would take them down a peg. None of these reasons seem to get in the way of the dog/cat order of being in my house, however, so the poor thing is beleaguered…

Everywhere except on our bed. The TOP of our bed is neutral territory. BELOW our bed, on the other hand, is someplace they can harry poor Steve until she just runs away on general principle.

On the other hand, Gordie, Chicken's cat, scares them. Literally-- they look at that cat and wet themselves. On the few times they've taken Gordie by surprise, the whole family tells Chicken during her next phone call and her anguished protest of "My pussy runs from no man!" can be heard across the airwaves.

Yes, it sounds filthy. Yes, I think that is the point. Yes, her father blames me for that, why do you ask?

* The little one is still not potty trained. The other day, I caught her crapping in my bedroom and swept her up and charged through the house. "Get out of the way! She's still pushing out turds like a Pez dispenser of poop!" Needless to say, Zoomboy heard mom screaming about poop and lost it, laughing to hard to get out of my way, and the dog just kept turding, upside down and backwards, as I rushed her into the backyard. That's okay-- I made Zoomboy trace our tracks in turds from the back door to the bedroom and throw away the evidence, because, well, I'm the mom and I say that's what he gets for laughing while I'm running through the house with a shitting dog.

* They live comforted by the belief that everything outside the car is a bastard. This means that while I"m driving down the road, if we're standing at a stoplight and they see something walk by, it must be barked at and driven away.

Yes, little dogs, they are all bastards, bark at the bastards, get them! Get them! Bastards! Mailmen! They deserve your wrath!

Most people walking by to observe their wrath laugh their asses off, but that doesn't bother the dogs.

They have done their job.

And by the way, as you look at the pictures of the dogs, you may note A. that they have their own bedding exclusively for the car, and B. that the McDonalds bag (which I"ve thrown away, I swear!) says it all.

Monday, March 16, 2015

* I'm working on Quickening right now-- in fact, more than halfway done, and we've met some old friends by this time. I doubt this scene will be in the final cut-- in fact, you may see bits and pieces of it scattered throughout--but it was humming so hard in my head I had to write it down before I got on with the actual business of the book.

In fact, this little excerpts contains ***SPOILERS*** from Guarding the Vampire's Ghost, Rampant (which is in the re-release cycle) and Litha's Constant Whim.
But nothing too dire-- I mean, Shep and Jefi? You knew they were going to end up together at the end, right? Same with Whim and Charlie. And as for the reason Cory needed cookies? Well I'm pretty sure you could have guessed.

CoryCookies and Milk
The angels weren't usually in the hill this time of night--something about Jefischa's need to be outside at butt-crack a.m.-- but it had started to snow over the canyon around Thanksgiving, and Green's gnomes were busy shoring up their little tree house in the garden so it could stay heated.

As a result, when they were forced indoors they spent much of their night either curled up around each other on the floor, looking wistfully out the wraparound glass window at the silver light from the moon, or standing unmoving, their wings toward us like a shield, sentinels in the night.

Until Jefi started playing Nintendo, of course. Nintendo makes everything better. Sometimes Bracken even played with him, which was sort of awesome-- especially when Brack taught him how to swear.

Which melted like mist, because you just can't stay mad at that, can you?

Tonight, I was feeling still hungry--because duh--and ungainly, because, well, duh. I was only four and a half months along, and my baby bump was… disheartening, to say the least. I'd been trying-- hell, everybody had been trying, including Grace, Green, and Bracken. Grilled meats, steamed vegetables, tomato sauces-- I mean, I was starting to agree with Nicky and Brack. It wasn't fat-- it was all baby.

And they were big.

So. Goddamned. Big.

It was depressing. And I had to go back to school tomorrow, which was even more depressing. And suddenly, I didn't want all the healthy and all the careful. Suddenly, I wanted the cookie.

The yummy yummy shortbread and fudge cookies that Grace had made me and I had only taken one of that evening.

Bracken was staying up late, having a strategy meeting downstairs, and Nicky was fast asleep, snoring fitfully. I slid out of bed, put on my sleep shorts under my shirt, and made my way to the kitchen, where I got to watch Jefi both kick Shepherd's ass in Titanfall and master Bracken's swearing technique. They probably noticed me, but they didn't pay attention to me, because they were, as was typical, wrapped up in each other.

"Did you see Whim and Charlie?" Jefisha asked as they set their controllers down and stretched out their hands.

"Yes-- they looked well." Shepherd was such a nice man, uhm, angel, uhm, person. It was unfortunate that everything he said had the stentorian tones of a righteous member of the Puritan committee on witch burning.

"Yeah-- It was good to see them in the daylight."

I blinked over my dipped cookie, and it fell, kerplop, into my milk.

Shepherd also appeared to have a moment.

"You see them a lot at night?"

"I saw them at night. They used to wake up during my hour," Jefisha said solemnly. He nodded his head and his wild blond hair mussed and reassembled as though blown dried by a squadron of pixies.

Shepherd nodded back as though this made sense. "They were sad?" he asked, his voice dropping, becoming tender. I felt a little ashamed of my earlier censure. Of course Shepherd sounded stern and righteous--he'd been watching out for Jefi.

"Oh yes," Jefi said, gray eyes luminous in the reflection of the television screen. "They spent a lot of time thinking of each other when they should have been sleeping." I could see Jefi's fond smile. "Now they're only awake at that time to make love."

Shepherd's eyes hooded, and he leaned sideways and nuzzled Jefischa's cheek. Jefi's laughter was like the burbling of streams.

"Yes," he whispered, heedless of any observers. "The gnomes always leave by my hour of the morning anyway."

"Good," Shepherd said. "But we're no longer sentinels, and you are no longer on watch."

Jefi grinned, eyes sleepy and sensual. "But it will still be my hour of the morning."

I shoved the last bit of cookie in my mouth and drank down the cookie soup that my milk had become. Then I set my glass on the counter and slipped quietly away.

I didn't know which hour Jefischa's hour was, but I knew that if the gnomes hadn't warmed up their treehouse, I didn't want to be in the living room when it arrived.

But it made me sort of happy to think that, whatever hour it had been, when I'd woken up during that time worried or excited or grieving, that Shep and Jefi had been watching over me as I'd gazed into the night.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Archer
Okay-- so Mate was catching up on his Archer backlog, and I was subjected to another unwilling round of the world's crassest, most misogynistic, racist, ignorant dumbass ever to be animated lovingly by someone who got a huge boner from ripply muscles, dimples, and stunning blue eyes.

It was hilarious.

Archer is pure, unadulterated satire--it makes fun of every dumb jock who ever made your life hell by throwing frog guts at you in biology and every gorgeous overachiever who made you feel stupid by breathing. And then it lets you forgive them, because damn, do they recognize their own asshole-itude and they don't apologize for it, and you know what? They have to live in the hell of their own making, and they fully get that, so good for them.

And not only that, but, unexpectedly, Archer has a character arc.

See, Archer is what happens if the world's greatest spy is, in fact, a braindead lout with no sensitivity or self-awareness. And at first you hate him. You hate him, because he's the epitome of every high school football player who ever got a good grade on a presentation that he pulled out of his ass while wearing jeans with holes in the crotch. (Whereas I was the kid who got maybe ten points more than he did wearing my best dress and having stayed up for a week to try to get it done.) And he knows it. And he still does his job and you want to kill him but he's fucking teflon. But in the course of five season this animated wet dream actually has moments of conscience and epiphany and some stunning moments of vulnerability. You pity him-- when he, once every show, feels just as lost as the rest of us conscious, brain-functioning mortals, you're like, "See? Not so easy, is it!" And when he has more of those moments you want to pat him on the head.
And maybe its the voice (done by the H. John Benjamin who does Bob's Burgers, which is a whole other post) but there is this absolute cluelessness and heart in Archer's voice. He knows he's an asshole, he knows he gets away with murder (multiple, animated, and unapologetically bloody) but even he draws the line. And if he had a chance to play with an ocelot all day as opposed to murder mildly morally ambiguous people that his mother tells him to, well, he'd do that instead.

Maybe it's the dialog.

Sample?

Bad guys about to get tied up: Do you know who we are?

Archer: Do you know who we are?

Bad guys: Uh, no?

Archer: *belch* So blow me.

I don't know what it is. Honestly. I'll listen to it while Mate is watching, and I can blow it off and ignore it and suddenly…

That line will come, the one that makes me double up with laughter at my desk when I hate myself for it, and the next thing I know, I'm watching the next two episodes in the queue.

So that's today's favorite thing-- but then I just saw Cinderella and Mate won tickets through work to see the Marvel Adventures live action show, so, tomorrow, I may have something else :-)

Friday, March 13, 2015

Yeah, I know-- I'm not sure how the world turned without this feature beforehand, but now I'm getting my daily quiz on cows and dairyland and my life is complete.

Also?

I went searching for a website designer, because, well, my last website designer was an amalgam of me and Mate, and since neither of us are actually, uh, pro's at it, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd want someone who knew what they were doing, to make me look good. Vain, I know, but I'm sort of hoping good things will come of it.

Anyway-- I went through Thumbtack, because it seemed like a nice, impersonal way to interview people and check out their work, and since there's a general "decline" or "I picked someone else" button, I was thinking "Great! It's like speed dating! Except you don't have to look anyone in the eye!" Because, you know, the worst thing about dating is the, "Uhm, I had a great time at the build a burger place, and I understand that you thought $10 would cover the whole date, and no, your roommate didn't creep me out AT ALL, but I'd rather not see you again. Ever."

I mean, it sucks to reject people, right?

So I thought that maybe the Thumbtack thing would make it happen without the pitiful "I'm so sorry, it's not you, it's me. I swear, ME!" of looking around for a web designer.

I underestimated the competitiveness of the market, because this morning I got an, "Amy, was it the budget consideration?" email, and I heard it, clear like a church bell in my head:

"Was it something I said?"

And now I'm dodging a Thumbtack e-mail because I rejected a web designer.

It's a good thing I met Mate early, then grabbed on and held on for life.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

So, I've mentioned the Tales of the Curious Cookbook project that I'm working on with authors R.J. Scott, Mary Calmes, Marie Sexton, and Amber Kell, and I'm so excited to announce that R.J.'s novella and my own are up for pre-sale on the Dreamspinner page!

Emmett Gant was planning to tell his father something really important one Sunday morning—but his father passed away first. Now, nearly three years later, Emmett can't seem to clear up who he should be with—the girl with the apple cheeks and the awesome family, or his snarky neighbor, Keegan, who never sees his family but who makes Emmett really happy just by coming over to chat.

Emmett needs clarity.

Fortunately for Emmett, his best friend’s mom has a cookbook that promises to give Emmett insight and good food, and Emmett is intrigued. After the cookbook follows him home, Emmett and Keegan decide to make the recipe “For Clarity,” and what ensues is both very clear—and a little surprising, especially to Emmett's girlfriend. Emmett is going to have to think hard about his past and the really important thing he forgot to tell his father if he wants to get the recipe for love just right.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

* The dogs were the vanguard of the attack. The littlest is still stinky, she still shits in the bedroom, and she's still endearingly cute. The biggest one is still less than 13 lbs, and he still adores me.

All is well.

* Mate was exhausted. If you saw a car swerving a little over the road last night, it was Mate, trying to stay awake. It was a good thing I was right next to him and wired for sound.
"Do you want me to drive? I can drive. I'm wide awake, you look tired. Would you like me to drive? It's been a while, I'm not sure if I remember how. Isn't the moon pretty? It's red. I like red moons. It's not purple because if it was purple you couldn't see it. Look, fog! Do you want me to drive?"

"No, Amy--you're a little loopy right now."

"Okay. So. Did we tape my TV? I need my TV. Can we watch TV? I can't wait to…"

Yeah. You get the picture.

* The little kids missed me. Zoomboy was clingy. To the point that he climbed into bed with me and snuggled. It was okay, I was exhausted enough to let him.

Squish was articulate.

"My hair never got braided. I miss how soft it is when you braid it the day before."

We spent the morning trying to figure out the name of the Harry Potter stuffed animal I bought her… doesn't matter. Purple and fluffy-- it's the secret to life.

* I am saving my most valuable lesson for Amy's Lane, which is, hello, a week late. I'm working on it-- I needed a two hour nap first. Very very necessary!

* I'm going to be trying something new with the blogging, and writing shorter blogposts every day. The goofy shorts I used to put on FB are going to start ending up on the blog. If you don't follow my blog, you may want to hit the follow button, just so you don't miss something, yeah?

Saturday, March 7, 2015

* The family left in the dark. I was still so late they had to hold the gate for me. It was terrifying.

* Mate took the kids to San Francisco while I was flying to Florida. They had an amazing time.

* Julianne, Jaime, Jennifer and I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. All good things happened there…

… I saw a dragon.
… Julianne met her totem animal, and its name was Lucille Ball

… I drank butterbeer.

… Jennifer makes an excellent guide to all things Harry Potter and all things theme park and all things Florida.

…Julianne and Jaime are awesome fun companions. I'll ride the Hogwarts express with them any time.

… I hauled around a giant bag full of nuts and snacks and water and wet wipes and chapstick and knitting and my shoulders hurt. At the end of the trip, I asked myself, "Why, oh WHY did I bring this giant bag with all this stuff I didn't need! Why the sweater? Why the scarf? Why the knitting? And why do I hurt so bad?"

The answers?

A. Because I'm used to dragging around stuff for myself AND the kids.
B. The sweaters and the scarves were for the kids.
C. The knitting was for when I was waiting for the kids.D. I hurt so badly because I was used to passing the bag around to the kids to help me carry it because it was their stuff too.

I shall make note of this on my next trip with an adult only to a theme park. Less is more. True story.
* The hotel is terrifying and awesome…

… It has a four acre atrium.

… And a habitat with small alligators and many many turtles.

… Don't feed the alligators. They're busy trying and failing to eat the turtles.
* My life has gone into a whirlwind tailspin since I got here, as expected. Is why I haven't blogged sooner.

* My DSP peeps are amazing.

* Playing on the Twitter-wall is fun. I think we got #dreamer to trend!
* If you get zero sleep for three to four days and then go to your room to get one little thing done before you go back downstairs, it is very likely you will fall into a nap-coma so deep, you will come close to seeing God, and possibly say hi to grandma while you're there.

* After that, getting ready for a formal dinner is just a little bit surreal.

* While you are gone, the fact that the restaurant your family goes to every Saturday has burned down, and you were not there to comfort your melodramatic ten year old can be both sad and hilarious. (Mostly hilarious because ZB posed for the picture.)

* Family phone conversations are harder when nobody saves up any stories to tell you, and you are too tired to tell your own.

* The damned dogs suck at phone convos.

* You find out more about weather in the rest of the country when people's adventure stories are about flying through snow storms to get to you.

* Jessie Potts and her husband, Brock, are almost cuter than my dogs.

* Rhys ford is forever awesome. And she wants me to buy Chicken a bike helmet.

* I love this shirt beyond all reason-- Go Jennifer, and her amazing sister, Doloriane, who had it made for her.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Holy Cats!Folks, we have THE BEST *kermit flail* this month! I mean, remember last month? One person on the dance floor, shining? Well, that was pretty awesome, but now? We've got a whole damned party!And who best to start a party than the lovely, pixilated, amazeballs Miss Tara Lain, who's new release Winter's Wolf looks like so much fun!So, ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started with Miss Ta-ra LAIN!YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!!!

Winter
Thane was raised on the two cardinal rules of werewolf existence: don’t reveal
yourself to humans under penalty of death, and there’s no such thing as a gay
werewolf. It’s no surprise when his father drags him from his wild life in
remote Canada back to Connecticut to meet his old pack in hopes it will
persuade Winter to abandon his love of sex with human males. Of course Dad’s hopes
are dashed when they come face-to-face with the gay werewolves in the Harker
pack.

Winter
takes one look at FBI agent, Matt Partridge, and decides bird is his favorite
food. Partridge is embroiled in an investigation into drug dealing and the
death of a fellow agent. He can’t let himself get distracted by the young,
platinum-haired beast, but then Winter proves invaluable in the search for
clues, a move that winds them both up in chains and facing imminent death.
Winter quickly learns his father’s motives are questionable, the pack alphas
are a bunch of pussies, humans aren’t quite what they seem, and nothing in the
forests of Connecticut is pure except love.

Okay-- now this next book… folks, Angel Martinez is KILLING ME. Not only is her online presence funny and cool, but look at that cover… do we see the ears? *diez* So let's hear it for Angel Martinez and her lovely co-writer, Bellora Quinn, and their new urban fantasyQuinn's Gambit-- YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!

After a terrible magical accident at Berkeley created unpredictable holes between realities, all manner of non-human creatures started popping into our world. These displacements, called Random Anomalous Reality Events or RARE, have taken magic out of fiction and relocated it firmly in reality, resulting in a great deal of chaos and confusion. Displaced elf Valerian works with AURA, the Agency of Unnatural Resettlement and Assimilation, to intercept these beings as they appear in the human world, helping the peaceful ones and subduing the violent, malevolent ones. It’s good, satisfying work, and Val would be happy if he wasn’t so lonely.

Quinten is a young mage just trying to get by, but New York isn’t the easiest city to make a living in. If his methods are sometimes morally dubious, his heart is still in the right place. Of course, for Quinn, the right place means firmly locked away, protected at all costs. Living by his wits and sometimes magically induced luck, he works as a ‘freelance magic user’, or unregistered mage and small-time con, according to the authorities. The last thing Quinn wants is to draw the cops’ attention, but when an Event happens right on top of him, he’s forced to turn to AURA for help. Valerian isn’t at all what he’d expected in an AURA cop, and he certainly wasn’t expecting to join forces with the sexy elf, a snarky drow and a bitter incubus, when certain individuals in power try to stop the RARE by any means necessary.

Things are not all what they seem at AURA headquarters, and a greater evil lurks at the top than anyone could have imagined.

At Totall-e BoundNow, this next offering from Miss Annabeth Albert is from the Portland Heat series, and having been to Portland? I can't imagine a more awesome, offbeat, amazing and imaginative place to set a series. (Besides-- Grimm is set there, and I'm saying!) Anyway-- this one is set in a coffee shop, because, wonderful, and everybody give it up for Miss Annabeth Albert and her adorable book, Served Hot-- YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

Served Hotby Annabeth AlbertIn Portland, Oregon, the only thing hotter than the coffee shops, restaurants, and bakeries are the hard-working men who serve it up—hot, fresh, and ready to go—with no reservations…

Robby is a self-employed barista with a busy coffee cart, a warm smile, and a major crush on one of his customers. David is a handsome finance director who works nearby, eats lunch by himself, and expects nothing but "the usual"—small vanilla latte—from the cute guy in the cart. But when David shows up for his first Portland Pride festival, Robby works up the nerve to take their slow-brewing relationship to the next level. David, however, is newly out and single, still grieving the loss of his longtime lover, and unsure if he’s ready to date again. Yet with every fresh latte, sweet exchange—and near hook-up—David and Robby go from simmering to steaming to piping hot. The question is: Will someone get burned?

So, Jaycee Edwards and Helena Stone are not new to me as FB people. They're rollicking, adorable, positive, and they rock a mean fandom. My FB group Amy Lane Anonymous would not be the same without them-- and I'm so excited to be able to give them a shout-out here! Everybody please welcome Ms. Jaycee Edwards and Helena Stone to *Kermit Flail* and give a hearty welcome and a big time SQUEEEE!!! to their new release, Strangers in the Night! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

When Army veteran, Slade, stumbles upon an isolated cottage on a cold,
dark, night, the young man finds more than just the shelter he’s
seeking.

Former club Dominant Callum is surprised to find a handsome stranger
knocking at his door but invites him in despite his reservations. A nightmare
reveals Slade’s deep-seated emotional issues, and Callum knows he needs to get
creative if he’s going to help Slade leave the past behind.

Neither
man is prepared for the feelings Slade’s introduction into the world of BDSM
will unleash, and thirty-six hours will either be enough to bind them, or they
will remain forever strangers in the night.

And speaking of my FB group, can we say hello to Miss Nicole Forcine? About two years ago, she said, "Hey, do you have a group? I can start one for you!" It has almost 1000 members now, and I'm so tickled-- and I have this woman to thank. Now, I read her first book, but she has taken off at lightning speed since then. I can tell you she's funny, irreverent, powerful, and very human in her writing, and this next book looks no different! Everybody say hello and how are you and WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE! to Miss Nicole Forcine!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Shaken Upby Nicole ForcineTim Myers is the flamboyant and overly fastidious owner of the adult shop Little Earthquakes. In his spare time, he moonlights as a sub for his friend's BDSM classes, and while he'd love to find a Dom to cater to his domestic servitude kink, he's wary of exposing his body and his heart. When Jae Seong comes into Tim’s shop and asks him for help with a wax play demo, Tim is turned off by the idea. Jae is nothing if not persistent, though. He’s a skilled Dom and soon finds out why Tim is so protective of his body, his neck, and his heart. Over a series of play dates, the two grow close, and it dawns on Tim that he might be looking at a match made for collaring.

So, Felice Stevens is another one of those people… you know, those people? You read her reviews eagerly, even if she doesn't like your book, because she is thoughtful, critical in the most constructive ways, and kind. And after being a member of the m/m community for a long time, she totally jumped in with both feet and has been publishing like a madwoman recently. I adore her-- she's funny (I don't seem to know any non-funny people-- go figure!) involved, and brilliant, and people have been eating her books with an ice-cream scoop! It's amazing-- I'm so happy for her, I want her to publish MORE AND MORE AND MORE! So here she is, with TWO offerings, and one of them is giving 10% to a very special cause that I'll talk about in a second. So ladies and gents, let's give it up for Miss Felice Stevens! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAY!!!

Ruthless, Controlling, A Loner. All words used to describe Dr. Micah Steinberg by the hospital staff for their next head of surgery. When a letter arrives from his grandmother’s friend at the assisted living facility, his orderly world tilts dangerously out of control.

Josh Rosen had everything until it was revealed much of his world was a lie. Forced to re-evaluate his life, Josh gives up his career and returns home to New York City to care for his beloved grandmother. What Josh didn’t figure on was an attraction to a man who on the surface, appears to be exactly like the life Josh chose to leave behind.

As Micah struggles with the reality of his grandmother’s illness, the bond these two share deepens, as Josh helps Micah heal, then open his heart. Micah discovers there is more to life than work, control and success. Josh is in deep but has yet to tell Micah who he really is.When the fight for the hospital’s head of surgery turns ugly, Josh’s past and present collide. Micah must let go of the past and accept who he is, if his life is going to move forward.

Life is full of surprises, and as both Micah and Josh learn, love can happen whether you plan for it or not.

Buy at Amazon*NOTE-- Felice is donating 10% of her proceeds from Memories of the Heart to a project very near and dear to our community's heart. Christy Duke, who is… AMAZING-- just a person of such warmth and life and fantasticalness I have no words for her, has been an active, vital reader in this little corner of the net for a very long time. Her husband has just been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer, and while he's undergoing treatment, there are some things we can do to make their lives just a little easier. Christy has set up a funding account that explains it better, but if you haven't met her, all I can tell you is that these are two people who make the world better. Anything you can do to help will be appreciated.Her YouCare account is HERE and even if you can't donate? Just love and prayers and hopes for the future. Christy deserves the best.

Felice also has After the Fire coming out this month, and it's a second book in a highly acclaimed series. so give it up for Felice and a big couple of months-- and give her next one, After the Fire, a hearty welcome too!!!

A single bullet destroyed the dreams of Dr. Jordan Peterson. With his lover dead, Jordan descends into an endless spiral of self-destruction that nearly costs him his friends, his career and his life. When Jordan finds himself working closely with the aloof Lucas Conover, the investment banker’s mysterious past and unexpected kindness shocks him back into a life and emotions he’d thought lost forever.

The betrayal by the foster brother he’d worshiped, taught Lucas Conover never to trust or believe in anyone. Living a solitary life couldn’t free him of the nightmare of his former life; it reinforced his belief that he would never fall in love. When the death of one of his clients forces him to work closely with Dr. Jordan Peterson, he meets a person whose suffering exceeds his own. Though Jordan rejects his effort to help, something within Luke pushes him discover more about the first man to ever get under his skin.

As Luke lets down his guard and Jordan lets go of his pain, desire takes control. Each man must come to terms with past struggles if they are to create a future together. And learning to trust in themselves and love again after tragedy and a lifetime of pain, may be the only thing that saves them in the end.

Buy link is only from LooseId right now. the Amazon link should be up by the end of the week

Okay-- I've got to fess up. I sort of love this next book. I don't get to read nearly as many books as I really want to, but this one? This one I got to beta read in parts as it was being written. Ashlyn Kane and her co-writer, Morgan James, write the funniest, hottest, cleverest, most angsty-gutwrenching, awesomest sex scenes in the world. 'nuff said. Seriously. This is a fun, painful, awesome book, and you will love it! Everybody, give it up for Ms. Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James for a wonderful read, and let's welcome Winging Itto *Kermit Flail* in style! YAYAYAYAYAYAAYAAAYAAYAY!!!

Winging Itby Ashlyn Kane& Morgan JamesGabe Martin has a simple life plan: get into the NHL and win the Stanley Cup. It doesn’t include being the first out hockey player or, worse, getting involved with one of his teammates. But things change.Dante Baltierra is Gabe’s polar opposite—careless, reckless… shameless. But his dedication to the sport is impressive, and Gabe can overlook a lot of young-and-stupid in the name of great hockey. And Dante has a superlative ass in a sport filled with superlative asses.Before Gabe can figure out how to deal, a tabloid throws him out of his comfortable closet into a brand-new world. Amid the emotional turmoil of invasive questions, nasty speculation, and on- and off-ice homophobia, his game suffers.Surprisingly, it’s Dante who drags him out of it—and then drags him into something else. Nothing good can come of secretly sleeping with a teammate, especially one Gabe has feelings for. But with their captain out with an injury, a rookie in perpetual need of a hug, and the race to make the playoffs for the first time since 1995, Gabe has a lot on his plate.He can’t be blamed for forgetting that nothing stays secret forever.

My Little Goddess, in all her re-covered, re-edited glory, goes live on Tuesday-- and I'm so excited.

When I turned her loose on the world before, I watched amazon.com like a hawk. I have to admit-- the first review (long since removed) was mine. I knew what the other books-- the non-self-published books-- had on their pages. I knew there were reviews skillfully written, that would tip a reader toward a book or away, depending on their tastes, and I just didn't know how to get one of those reviews on the page.

But it's been ten years-- and she's been reviewed plenty, sometimes sweetly, sometimes savagely, but she's not a stranger to critical mass anymore.

So when my first blog review came out this time? I was trepidatious-- oh please let my m/m crew love my Little Goddess too. And they did. And I can't even… *flails* Yeah. I'm so happy. She's back, she's gorgeous, and she's badass.

I think she'll do okay :-)

So folks, don't forget to check her out at DSP Productions and on Amazon. And her first blog tour stop (and a chance for a free copy) has started already here at Books Make Me Happy (and bless Jennifer, whose blog it is!) and by all means check out all the dates listed:

About Me

I am creative, distracted, and terribly weird. I love my children to distraction, and I love my hobbies even when they piss me off. I come from a double line of extremely creative, intelligent people who hated authority so much they dodged higher education, and I married a wonderful man who is quiet, conservative, devestatingly funny, and perfect. Our children are constant reminders that God and Goddess have a profound sense of humor, and that all of the things you dislike most about yourself but pretend don't exist really do come back on the karmic wheel to kick your ass when you least expect it. My family keeps me young and humble and I try every day to make them proud. I've written a LOT of books--I can't even count anymore, most of them for Dreamspinner Press and Riptide Press, but some of them published on my own. I write to placate the voices in my head, profanity is the element I swim in, and knitting socks at stoplights has become my twitch.

Quickening

The Fifth Book of the Little Goddess series will be out in two parts, May 2nd and June 16th.

*Kermit Flail*

If you would like to submit a new release for *Kermit Flail* Monday, simply e-mail me at amylane@greenshill.com with your title, .jpg cover attachment, blurb, and buy link. It helps if I know you-- I'll say sweet things about you-- but even if I don't, I'm happy to put you up on the *Flail*.