God's Miata (or "What is the One True
Color?")

By Chuck Price

We might as well settle this colour issue here and now. Once and for
all. In late 1990 there was a celestial meeting of the Kansei Council who report directly
to God in all matters regarding automobiles such as: "racy - well designed - pleasant
to gaze upon and drive, affordable, etc". After all, the original concept and design
of the Miata was a divine inspiration directly from God herself to begin with. While She
sees all cars of all colours in an equal light, it is no secret that Her personal roadster
is a BRG-SE Miata.

When She was asked of Her colour choice for Her Roadster by the
council, She said (and I quote, this is all in the BRG Registry if you want to look it
up): "Go forth and colour My Roadster the colour of the deepest lake combined with
the colour of the darkest forest and the black of the midnight sky. And verily, I say,
make of the interior the colour of the sands of the eternal desert of the Earth.. This,
then, shall be the TRUE Miata colour for My Roadster and I shall call it BRG! Then make
4000 more of them for the 'Special Ones' on Earth. And number them in the sequence of
their build and create a plaque for them upon which shall be inscribed 'Special Edition'
with the Special One's name and the car's number of build. But take care that ye make no
more than 4000!" And when she saw her BRG-SE, She said: "I am pleased!, REAL
pleased!".

Now God has a lot of cars, and She loves them all. But her favourite
one is her BRG-SE Miata. After all, every day in heaven is 'top-down' so it gets driven a
lot! Her SE number is #0 of 4000. (Mine is #896, by the way.) And that, you infidels of
the other colours, is the true story of how the BRG-SE came about and why your car doesn't
have a plaque. 'Nuff said about this colour stuff.

Apparently, before the First Council of the Buddha's disciples, one
of the Arahants died unexpectedly, and with him was lost a handful of Suttas. But recently
I've discovered that, somehow, these lost discourses of the Buddha have been returned to
us. Following is an excerpt from one of these texts, Digha Nikaya 42, the Miatipatthana
Sutta.

Thus have I heard:

On one occasion the Blessed One was approached by the Venerable
Phredd, who asked, "Revered sir, on my journeys I have seen many twisty roads. Is
there not a way to more easily traverse them?"

And the Blessed One said, "What is the noble truth of the
twisty path? Just this very noble eightfold path: right shocks, right sways, right tires,
right braking, right shifting, right steering, right knob, right colour.

"And what are right shocks? Those which keep your tires firmly
on the ground. These are called right shocks.

"And what are right sways? Those which flatten your turns.
These are called right sways.

"And what are right tires? Those which always stick to the
road. These are called right tires.

"And what is right braking? Neither braking too early, and
wasting time, nor braking too late, and missing the corner. This is called right braking.

"And what is right shifting? Upshifting at redline, and
downshifting to always keep the revs up. This is called right shifting.

"And what is right steering? A smooth transition, following the
proper racing line. This is called right steering.

"And what is the right knob? A Voodoo knob, as it cures
baldness, improves your sex life, keeps you dry in the rain, and makes your stereo sound
better, in addition to 15 extra ponies. This is the right knob.

"And what is the right colour? Redd. This is the right colour.

"This is called the noble truth of the twisty path."

God's Miata is red!

...and some thoughts on the Dark Side

By Greg Reed

Satan does NOT drive a Miata!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is an old witch who lives in a deep wooded area of West
Virginia. She practices the black arts and is on a first name basis with THE BAD ONE. When
I read your message I took my Bible in hand and placed my soul in the Lord's hands and
proceeded to hike to her residence. As I approached her residence I could feel the evil
pressing down. The air was stagnant and had the odor of decaying flesh.

I approached the door to her house and it opened as I was about to
knock. There before me stood the hag with a crooked nose and warts on her face. She was
wearing what appeared to be a human skin cloak. Her teeth were rotted and her nails were
long and curled with filth underneath. She snarled and gave an evil laugh.

I stood my ground and advised her I needed some information. She was
impressed with my boldness and told me to state my question. I asked what vehicle the
Devil had picked as his favorite. She looked at me with a cruel smile and said, "You
are wise to be aware of the machine that motivates my master when he roams the
earth." I could tell that what she was disclosing was of the utmost importance to
citizens everywhere. She continued, "In every country he chooses a different
automobile for his works.

In this country he preferred to drive a Honda Civic del Sol. Some
cars are inherently evil in their nature and and are more suited to his need." I then
asked if in any country he preferred a Mazda Miata. She reeled as if in pain. "NO No
No" she said, "He would NEVER drive ONE OF THOSE!" She told me that the
"car which she could not name" had so much love and beauty that it brought
terror to satan's followers. Her eyes were wide in fright as she spouted these words. I,
with a gleam in my eye, left her residence and got back on the Net to allow my fellow
Miata-ites to rejoice in their decision to purchase such a wonderful car!

About the Miata.net Animation...

Rebecca Zook wrote...

All right you people. . . I did consider making the Miata red. Yes,
Merv and I have a red one as well as a Laguna Blue one, but I felt red is used soooooooo
much. Just look at all the logos for the national events. Let's be fair and give some of
the other colors a chance. The Miata is staying BLUE. Because. . .Because. . .I say so. .
.and I drew it. . .so there. . nanny nanny boo boo!

Rebecca Z

To which Paul Turin responds...

Finally!!! Someone with the courage to stand up to the droves of
goose- stepping automatonic lemmings mindlessly marching, eyes locked straight ahead on
some misty land of exclusive redness. They march to the cliffs, mesmerized by the endless
nattering and gibbering of the twirling Peid Piper PhRed The Unholy, his red cape
billowing seductively as he preaches the Underlord's One True Color as if it were the only
source of salvation for the lowly wriggling scum that debases itself by pervertedly
coveting any other hue.

But Behold! Rebecca the Blue! She stands at the cliffs edge, her
saffire shield held high; the sun's rays break through the roiling clouds and strike the
shield, bursting through in infinite shades of brilliant azure. The searing beams strike
the madman, blinding him. He screams, and frothing and snapping like a dog gone mad; he
stumbles to the precipice, where he slips! His corpulent corpse lies shattered and oozing
his favorite red on the rocks below, but his mean little soul will burn forever in the
Dark Master's furnaces, eternal payment for his failure to complete his mission.

Above, the stunned troops wander about, rubbing their eyes and
blubbering in confusion. The mist rises to reveal the ranks of their Miatas in the parking
lot. But, lo! No longer are they endless rows of dreary red. They now dazzle the eye with
a thousand disparate hues - every color sparkling in the sunshine with a brilliance not
seen since the darkness first came. But, what's this? There are even a few red Miatas -
but they are merely ordinary red, and the people realize that its only another color,
after all.