Literature /
Spells R Us

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Spells R Us is a Shared UniverseWeb Original created by Bill Hart in the 1990s. It has accumulated a fairly decent fan base, and many stories have been authored for it (though not all of them by Bill Hart).

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The series begins with "A Strangeness at The Frat House". The story follows two college students, Chris and Terry, who need to find girls for the frat party or they will be kicked out of the fraternity. Desperate, the boys go to Spells R Us. The Old Man gives them the spell, and "forgets" to tell the boys that for one night, they (and the other frat house students) will become girls in body and mind. Naturally, they botch the spell; now, anyone in the house after 7 a.m. will turn into the opposite sex. While "Crissy" and "Terri" retain their male memories, anyone else acts, thinks, and looks as if they were always female until 2 a.m. (when the spell wears off).

The story was written by Bill Hart, and establishes the universe in which many of his subsequent stories take place. Many fans have now written their own stories involving the shop and the Old Man, though they tend to focus less on the events with Terry and Chris, and more on the other vic-*cough*- uh, customers of the Old Man (while ignoring Bill Hart's saga). This unofficial canon led to many sub-universes; the most popular of these is Bikini Beach, which revolves around a magic women only, gender-bending water park somewhere in the U.S. operated by an old gypsywitch (known commonly as "Grandmother") who is a good friend of The Wizard.

All Men Are Perverts: Invoked many, many times. In fact, this is the in-universe reason why the Old Woman built Bikini Beach: she wanted a place where women could be safe from the advances (and eyes) of lecherous men; thus, any man who enters the park is transformed (via the park's enchanted water) into a woman for the duration of his pass.

In the early BB stories, the Old Woman does indeed see (almost) all men this way. However, her views gradually soften thanks to Anya (and meeting more genuinely good, decent men).

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Alan Jenkins (from the Bikini Beach story "Peeping Tom"), a nerd who is caught spying on (and photographing) the park's customers, is punished by being permanently changed into a sex-crazedbimbo porn star with absurdly massive breasts. Who is very much aware of her predicament, and utterly disgusted and horrified by her urges and behavior, but unable to stop or control herself.

Fortunately, the story does have a happy ending: in "Customer Service", Anya takes pity on "Allison's" suffering and removes the bimbo and sex drive aspects of the transformation. While the Old Woman is initially angry with Anya for acting against her wishes, she eventually comes to see the error of her ways, apologizes to Allison, and allows Anya to alter Allison's transformation (changing her into an ordinary, average-looking college student).

The Apprentice: Many early stories attempted to give the Old Man an apprentice/assistant without much success, until "Possibilities" introduced Danni. Anya is this to Grandmother, as well as her granddaughter (hence the nickname "Grandmother").

Some of the transformations brought on by the Wizard's wares are less than pleasant.

In "Bikini Beach and the Bomb Plot", two villains-for-hire go to Bikini Beach to acquire a gender-bent disguise to hide explosives in a fake pregnancy belly. The (still male) member of the duo is so taken by his gender-flipped partner that they have sex right there in the changing room... causing him to get stuck inside of her and sucked up into her body — where he regresses into a fetus within her womb.

Characterization Marches On: Grandmother is noticeably harsher and more vindictive in the earliest Bikini Beach stories. According to the Universe's creator, ElrodW, Grandmother's lingering hurt from being treated terribly by men in the past causes her to be more vindictive. Anya was even brought in to help "soften" and act as a Morality Chain to her character.

Clingy Jealous Girl: Dee Dee to Terry. The reasons why are a long story (the short version of which is a Love Potion gone wrong). Luckily, by the end of "A Strangeness Returns," her memories of Terry are erased.

Crossover: In addition to crossing over many times with Bikini Beach, the Wizard plays cards with The Trickster goddess Miss Chiff and Molly the Fairy Godmother (both created by fellow TG story author Morpheus) in "The Wager". The story also features an unnamed transformation goddess (referred to as the "Butterfly Goddess") who appears in Morpheus's story "Finders Keepers".

Depending on the Writer: The Old Man's behavior and personality in each story. Sometimes, he's a nice guy who will sell you something to help you with your problems, or help you with any problems that resulted from selling you an item (only if you ask, though). In other cases, he's a Jerkass who transforms people for the hell of it (and then alters their memories so he doesn't get in trouble).

Grandmother doesn't take kindly to people who try to sneak into her park without paying. Subverted in "Bikini Beach: Midnight Swim" and "Bikini Beach: Pardons and Decisions". In the first story, Vicky and the boys who sneak into the park for a midnight swim have to work in the park until they pay off their damages. In the second story, one hardworking and effective employee, already secretly outraged and embittered by the transformations, is pushed over the edge (by one particular lifetime membership/transformation sale) and becomes overtly disgruntled. This motivates Grandmother to end their work requirement early.

The transformations are almost always male to female, and always one-way. In most of the cases, the Wizard could change his costumers back; he just can't be bothered to (or finds their predicament too amusing to do so). In others, the shop itself will have vanished when the customer tries to seek help.

In the Bikini Beach stories, the length of the customer's transformation depends on the duration of their pass, which can vary from one day to a lifetime. Roughly half of the stories involve a one-way transformation (either because the transformee is being punished, they did so for the sake of others as an act of kindness, or they simply find that life is better in their transformed state. The latter is especially common among men who are elderly, sick, or otherwise disabled).

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: A few stories have the Wizard as this, in which a customer seemingly falls into his trap, only for said trap to save a loved one's life (or prevent another disaster from occurring).

Jumping the Gender Barrier: A common plot device involves a man becoming a girl and hooking up with his former best friend (who may be either a straight man or a lesbian girlfriend).

Karmic Transformation: Happens quite frequently, particularly to the male customers in the Bikini Beach stories. Lecherous men will find themselves subjected to the Male Gaze and harassment once they leave the park, men who prefer giant breasts will wind up with a pair of their own, etc. It's openly stated that Grandmother can see into the minds of her customers — and will make sure they receive a female form that's in keeping with their character by customizing or "tweaking" their transformation. She can also make it permanent, if need be.

In the Bikini Beach story "The Skinheads", a trio of racist male skinheads are permanently transformed into non-white women.

Laser-Guided Amnesia: Sometimes the change will also involve the victim(s) or victim's associates' memories of their former life being erased or altered, or the changes becoming retroactive (as if they were always that way).

Strictly Formula: Most Spells R Us stories follow the same premise: an unsuspecting person (usually male) is shopping at their local mall and finds the store; after mistaking the Wizard for a "crazy old man in a bathrobe", they buy an item (which the Wizard always claims will solve their "problem"). The item will transform the customer and/or the people around them; the transformation isn't what the customer expected, and ends up permanently altering his life in some way. The story will typically end with the Wizard watching the denouement through his crystal ball, chuckling to himself while commenting on the outcome.

On changing gender, most people end up taking on that gender's societally expected mannerisms, usually because The Mind Is a Plaything of the Body. In the case of Spells R' Us, this usually results in guys becoming stereotypical valley girls.

Justified in the Bikini Beach stories: the park's magic typically gives the transformees "training wheels" (i.e. built-in knowledge of how to move, act and generally live as women).

Two-Person Love Triangle: And a weird one at that! In the very first story (after the "curse" is placed over the house) Dennis falls for Chris' girl form "Crissy" and thinks Terry is trying to steal her away. Then later, Dennis is under the spell and "Denise" falls for Terry and thinks Crissy is trying to steal her away. No one is into Dennis or Denise. Of course, things get worse when Terry takes a Love Potion in front of Crissy...

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