\nQuestion: What were you doing right before started reading
this article? You may have been sipping a latte or
listening to music, but chances are, your head was
elsewhere — ruminating about something from the past or
plotting about the future, like that guy you hope will call
or the Hawaiian island you plan to visit once you can
finally take off time from work. It's a perfectly common
state of being. But by never experiencing the moment, we
miss the chance to savor life's many small pleasures, like
that latte and chocolate-chip scone. In fact, studies show
that simply being aware of what's happening this minute is
linked to greater optimism, self-confidence, and
happiness.

Of course, the question is, how do you stay mindful like
that? Well, it takes some effort, honestly. There are
distractions in every modern woman's life that make just
being in the present difficult. But once you see what the
snags are, you can navigate around them to a more
pleasurable existence.
"And when you're not distracted by all the things you're
juggling mentally, you see things with more clarity," says
psychologist Sylvia Boorstein, PhD, author of Happiness
Is an Inside Job. "That helps you make better decisions
and be more resilient when you hit hard times." So start
here to free yourself from the stuff that holds you back
from being happy right about now.

Part of what makes your 20s and 30s so awesome are
celebrations that spotlight how far you've come as an
adult. But those graduations, engagements, and promotions
aren't finish lines. They're just markers along the path.

"Investing too much emotion in thinking about exactly how
you'll feel when something big happens — like 'I will be so
happy when I'm finally walking down the aisle' — may prevent
you from enjoying what actually happens," says Daniel
Siegel, MD, author of The Developing Mind and
associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the
University of California at Los Angeles. "The end result
may not look quite the way you thought it would...or even
appear at all."

Tunnel vision also blinds you to joyful mini experiences
you could be enjoying along the way. "We're so anxious to
get to that yearly vacation with friends that we can
overlook fun, impromptu girls' nights out or chats over
coffee," says life coach Valorie Burton, author of How
Did I Get So Busy?

How to pull it off: Make a conscious effort to
notice how ordinary events can swell into extraordinary
pleasure. "Focus on the sensory power in your routines,
like how great your guy smells when you cuddle or the first
delicious bite of your lunch," says Burton.
Also, treat yourself to three little things each day that
make you happy, whether it's meeting a friend for mani/pedis
or walking by your cute coworker's office just to get a
glimpse.

Goal 2: Do One Simple Thing at a Time

Your talent for doing about 83 tasks at once gives you
superstar status at work. That instinct sneaks into life
off the clock too. You can't just cook dinner — you have to
do it with the TV on mute while chatting with Mom as music
plays in the background. Hell of a downtime.

"For whatever reason, women often feel guilty if they're
not accomplishing several meaningful things
simultaneously," says Boorstein. But teaming up on
activities saps your ability to delight in individual
experiences. "And the ironic part is, you can't even
remember doing half those important tasks because your
brain allocates focal attention to only one thing at a
time," explains Dr. Siegel.

How to pull it off:
Once and for all, ditch the "Do something!" guilt complex
and realize that not every moment has to be an exercise in
superwomandom. "It is enough to just spend a few minutes
laughing at a stupid YouTube video or lounging on the couch
with your head on your boyfriend's lap," says Boorstein.

In theory, posting up-to-the-nanosecond reflections on your
mood on Facebook or Twitter is the epitome of staying in
the moment. But publicizing real-time emotions makes you
like that chick at a party who can't stop snapping photos.
"You're so busy documenting the present for other people or
so you can reflect on it later that you don't even register
your own emotions," says Dr. Siegel. "And you end up
feeling numb or scattered instead."

Also, you wonder, What would my boss think? Or that guy
who just friended me? By the time you've tweaked your
update, you've censored what you really feel or forgotten
your impulse to post it in the first place.

How to pull it off: Take a hiatus from posting
status updates online. "Not having to process everything
for an audience will help you home in on what's happening
now and enjoy moments as they come," explains Burton. And
if you get the urge to share, do it the old-fashioned way:
Call a friend. Also, check e-mail or Facebook three set
times per day. "It gives you something to look forward to,
but you won't feel enslaved by it," says Burton.

Goal 4: Liberate Yourself from the Past

Everyone gets drop-kicked by life at some point. And as a
smart chick, your inclination is to ponder your way out of
a problem: How could I have been so stupid as to date
him? or Why do people act this way? But getting hung up
on the whys can be just as damaging as the blow that
knocked you off your game in the first place.

"Women ruminate over past mistakes or hurts, believing that
if they just think about them hard enough, they'll see a
solution or sign of closure," says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema,
PhD, author of Women Who Think Too Much. Here's the
reality: For many dilemmas, no amount of head-scratching
will ever deliver an epiphany. Adds Nolen-Hoeksema: "Even
if you're aware that you need to do something to get over a
bad situation, you'll be less likely to take action if you
let yourself think about factors out of your control, such
as what motivated someone to hurt you."

How to pull it off:
Rather than feel hamstrung by the mysterious behavior of
others, free yourself to take action on your own
terms. "Examine what you can do differently the next time,
resolve to do that, then move on," says Nolen-Hoeksema. And
when obsessive thoughts launch their insidious attack,
distract yourself. Take 30 seconds to breathe slowly and
deeply, concentrating on the in-and-out sensation. "It's so
simple — just five breaths can clarify your thoughts and help
balance your feelings," says Dr. Siegel.