What families do.

If you were to go back in time, say 10 years or so, to ask each member of our family where we saw ourselves 10 years hence, I’m pretty sure that not a one of us would describe our current location.

10 years ago my 3 oldest would have told you that they envisioned themselves as having graduated from High School and living away from home!

(woot!)

I may have said something about getting my masters degree or being in the midst of building a new ( bigger and better!) home.

Notice I didn’t mention things like setting a goal not to spend more than $100.00 this month on groceries, or making my own bulgar or yogurt.

But life doesn’t always go as planned.

(How’s THAT for an understatement?)

College is expensive.

Jobs are scarce.

Scholarships are drying up.

Sometimes parents have to put all of their savings (college funds included) towards medical debt and trying to keep the youngest of your tribe alive.

Because now is NOT a good time to graduate from college with a huge load of college debt, the three previously mentioned oldest who entertained dreams of moving out for their college years……are still at home.

I’m proud of them for making hard choices now so that they can be debt free when they graduate.Â Learning to delay gratification is hard.

Just ask the millions of Americans who areÂ having to master this skill the hard way these days.

I’m a bit surprised at how many parents I know who charging their college aged kids money for both rent and food.

We don’t charge our kids, but we sure do expect them to pitch in with their time and talents to keep the wheels rolling around here. Â Â Â Helping with the cleaning and cooking and picking up Parker’s meds on their way home from work.Â Â Daily life skills kinda things.

My 18 year oldÂ gives my 11 year old private flute lessons, making the money we spent on HER lessons go twice as far.

The 23 year old helps the 21 year old write a resume.

Okay, so she actually wrote the whole thing for him after he got down on his hands and needs and begged.

It’s the process we’re focusing on here, folks.

Not to mention that the 21 year old really, really, really needs a job.

And while I know that living at home wasn’t the first choice for any of my oldest kids, itÂ hasn’t hurt them in the least.

About The Author

8 Comments

I enjoy reading your posts so much! I don’t have kids old enough to go to college yet, but I know it’s right around the corner. I can’t believe some parents actually charge their own kids for rent and food. That’s crazy! You and your family are an inspiration! I love your insights! Keep them coming! And believe it or not, it has helped me on more than one occasion.

I hear ya!! My 20 year old is back at home to and desperately looking for work!! It is so tough out there! I never thought that I would be raising another child, I thought I would be on an island some where enjoying my upcoming 40th bday!! But we are enjoying life in a different way now.

Hmmm – can you send some that wisdom my oldest kid’s way They just may have to suck it up and learn the hard way too – since our money tree doesn’t seem to be blossoming – what the heck is the deal with that? I’m sure I water is frequently……

SOOOO true and SOOO real. You would need to go back 11 years and ask me where I thought i’d be. I think I am pretty close to where I envisioned but I never expected to be in a wheelchair and doing it but I am !!! and I love my life despite what could have destroyed me.

VivianJan 28, 10

Well, I was an empty nester for a few years, really loved it and felt I deserved it, since I’ve been a mom since I was 18. But something happened… it’s called the lousy economy in St. George, UT (and everywhere else). Grown-up children moving back home is now becoming a reality for many people. I don’t mind it, and I don’t charge them rent (but they do pay utilities), but I get really, REALLY annoyed that my daughter is working and my son-in-law ISN’T working and spends all his waking moments on WoW. Yes, I understand that their employer closed the doors and it isn’t his fault that he was laid off. And he’s depressed. But PUH-LEEZE!! There is a come-to-Jesus meeting in the making!!!! I really, REALLY didn’t think I was going to have to be dealing with THIS sort of issue…again! Married a deadbeat once, got rid of him….is he back by reincarnation in the form of my son-in-law?????