Pavlov would love the Internet.

I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.

7. Scent of a place: I am not driven much by scent, as my inefficient nose should qualify me for a Handicapped sticker

8. Beloved movie:Duck Soup

9. Book on the nightstand: My Kindle, on which I just finished John Blumenthal’s (highly recommended!) Three and a Half Virgins. Physical book: Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad, my next read.Actually, I don’t read much in bed, and I don’t mean that in a dirty way.

10. First and best kiss: First, age 17; best, I’d better say age 32 when I started dating my wife or I’m in big trouble, though I have a powerful memory of one at age 25.

11. You couldn’t do without: My laptop

12. How you would like to die: In my sleep, lying between Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry. Just kidding about that last part. (Maybe.)

13. Song you sing in the shower: I don’t sing in the shower. But lately I have been singing Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” a lot, so if you see my name in the news as a homicide victim, that will be the reason.

17. Ideal first date: Your place or mine?Just kidding. (Maybe.) A dinner at a nice Italian ristorante, a good movie (one not involving space aliens, serial killers or multiple explosions), final stop for a cup of coffee.

18. Favorite present: The one I got last week: an illustration by my daughter that will be the cover of my book.

19. In the train: Alternately looking at the scenery and reading a book, trying to ignore the a-holes chattering loudly on their cell phones.

21. Your addiction: heroin.No, wait, I meant the Internet.I always get them confused.

22. Now on your left: a glass of Arizona iced tea, today’s mail

23. Now on your right: a stack of CDs, headphones, pens and pencils, To-Do list, window; wish I had something less practical

24. Now in front of you: computer, checkbook, so-far-unwatched Netflix DVD of Paradise Lost

25. Now behind you: shredder, pile of books and magazines, my wife’s desktop, small trash can, a box containing a painting by a former OS blogger, for which I do not yet have room to hang (I mean, hang the painting, not hang the blogger)

26. Names for your children: Michelle and Nicole, though when my wife was first pregnant we joked that we would name the kid Bullwinkle

What Cranky says, many of them anyways - except for the obvious, such as names of children and which fantasy lovers I'd prefer dying between and some other specifics such as books, movies, songs, beady eyes (mine aren't beady, are they??) and favorite gifts and stuff. Actually, come to think of it, not much of what Cranky says.

@Con Chapman - My wife and the kids cry at nothing. I'm the crybaby in our family, which is probly why I spend most of my time hiding in the house with my laptop.

Ah...a day with Cranky is a day with sunshine! I printed this up, sat out on my porch with a cup of coffee and read it. You always bring a smile and a laugh ~ a writer I always look forward to reading. Thank you, Mr. Cuss!