Inspired!

BN Hot Topic: When To Do the ‘Do’?

There is no way you can be in a relationship without sex in our generation!- Anonymous

My friend, Bisi recently gave up sex. To her it clouded her judgment in relationships. It was always difficult for her to determine if the guy was in it for her, or simply in it, for ‘it’. So for the last 2 years, she has been celibate. Coincidentally (or maybe not so coincidentally) she hasn’t been in a relationship for the last 2 years. Why? Because any guy she mentions this to, suddenly stops calling her. At first, she thought it was because she was meeting the wrong kind of guys. So she started paying more attention to the ‘church’ brothers. You know, the ones in the choir, Protocol department and Ushers, only to find that they were even worse. They’d talk all holy while their hands would find different ways to slide up her skirt. Frustrated, she brought up this conversation during our regular drinks session with the girls…..

“I’m I being realistic? Really, maybe sex is what every guy wants and somewhere in between these marathon sexathons he makes up his mind if he wants to be serious”.

Another friend of mine Jennifer, is 32 and swears she is a virgin. She got engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years on New Years day and believes, Bisi should be patient. To her, any man who loves you, will wait and would respect your decision to wait. Although she admits, that waiting is difficult and that she almost gave up many times, she is happy she didn’t. She believes taking sex off the table allows a couple to focus on other intimate parts of their relationship, which in turn creates a better relationship.

“Nduka (her fiancé) waited for me, because he saw beyond my physical assets. I can’t wait for our wedding night, when we can finally do it as husband and wife”

Eloka, a male friend of ours is the honorary ‘female’ member of our group. He gives the male perspective in all discussions and helps to cut through the emotional cycle we girls go through in relationships. For him, sex is just, well…sex. There are no emotions attached. He thinks Bisi is completely out of her mind, particularly as she isn’t a virgin. Sex is how he lets a woman know he is into her, to him its ‘abnormal’ for any man to be with a woman he claims to like and not sleep with her. Although he does admit that a guy would be weary of committing to a relationship if he senses that a girl has ‘slept’ around, so he advices that women wait at least 3 weeks before sleeping with a guy. Anything longer is pointless.

“Guys, don’t see sex the way you women do. It’s a simple thing. As long as you use protection, sex isn’t a big deal. Enjoy your life Bisi!”.

Nneka agrees with Eloka. She thinks Jennifer is crazy to get married to a guy she hasn’t been with. What if he is horrible in bed? What if he doesn’t satisfy her! The whole concept of waiting is completely foreign to Nneka. She thinks Bisi is even crazier and is completely bored by the subject. She however disagrees with Eloka about waiting at least 3 weeks.

“Whether you sleep with him on the first day or 3 months later, point is you’ve slept with him….sex isn’t only for the man, women enjoy sex too and we don’t loose anything by having sex! Next topic please!!!!”

What about you guys? Who do you agree with? Have you been in a similar situation with Bisi? Do you think she is being unrealistic? Should she give up on being celibate or should she follow Jennifer’s example and wait for the “right” kind of man. Is Eloka right to advice women to wait for at least 3 weeks? Is this enough time? Does Jennifer make a valid point by saying the length of time is immaterial if you intend to sleep with him anyway? What are your thoughts?

Well, its ideal to wait for marriage before sex, but if you do not wait for marriage does it really matter how soon you sleep with a guy??cos once the deed is done it cannot be erased.
But i believe that if you want to have sex just know the person you are doing it with and surely 3 weeks is not enough to know the person…But nobody should be pressured to have sex just to maintain/get into a relationship.You should decide for yourself

I for one can not stand those that beat it into your head that you should wait until you get married. My question to them is, are you a virgin??? Did you marry as a virgin???? If your answer is no, the shut the hell up. For Bisi, I respect your choice and if you are happy with it, more power to you. But it defeats the purpose to be celibate without prayers. Use your new found purity to pray to God and tell Him what you want. If not, you just wasted 2 years girlfriend

GOD in His word said sex is reserved for marriage…otherwise, it is FORNICATION and its a sin…our culture also places high value on that..guys would wanna have sex with u..but most of them would never marry the girl they have had sex with…they want whores but in marriage they want virgins!

maybe those people who aren’t virgins regret losing it. and want to warn others not to fall into the same trap. kinda like recovered drug addicts warning others to stay away from drugs. so where do you get off condemning them and saying they have no right to say anything? talk about judgmental

lets ask ourselves…….who created sex?…..why did he create?……until u understand d reason for its existence…u will abuse the purpose of sex….read ur bible, read ur quran….wat does it say. stop giving sex meaning as u so desire…find out its true purpose and STOP abusing it……Ecc 3:1

So true. No matter how modern the world becomes, the word of God remains the same. Sex is meant for marriage, nothing more or less. Take it or leave it.
Those who show patience and wait will have a more fulfilling purpose driven marriage.

Riggghhhttt!!!…Bisi doesn’t know wot she want, I culd understand if she doesnt wnt sex but eventually she will do it…the only valid reason I can tink of is dat she hasnt found the right guy dt makes her heart go “giga giga boom”…
Nevertheless, I wish her gud luck. EoU

You know,I used to boast and gloat of how the moral fibre of my country was still very much intact to my counterparts here; until one december I went home and every single person was on some other tip. I was shocked. Both girls I held in high regards thinking they were waiting, all join no one was waiting anymore.

I met a couple of guys too who would say, they had no business with virgins. My own is this, most naija people are having sex without condoms, I have sisters and cousins who are doctors and they say that the next highest rate of infection (HIV) is Nigeria. I was shocked (again). So while people are doing big girls and bois, some getting pressurized into doing ‘it’ without understanding what they are doing, one day in the future you’ll start seeing that it-girl and it-boi dying off from the HIV infection(except they take ARVs).

I have seen young it-bois and it-girls who start loosing weight, complexion, drying out, dried lips, boils etc. Although they never tell you that they’ve got it, but you can see something is up with them.

The whole point of waiting, avoids such wahala and please even after waiting and you get married, go and get tested (and get tested again after 6months).

i think she meant the highest rate of newly infected people. The southern region has always had a higher percentage but western african is slowly following suit due to lack of proper information regarding prevention and testing and living positively. Also there is not much awareness of the virus most people especially in the rural areas think it is a myth and that is aiding the spread. Poverty is another catalyst where a poor young girl will sleep with a rich man without using protection in the hope that he will drop some bucks which she can use to take care of herself and her family. Sad but true…

I haff laff and tire … religion or no religion? morals or no morals? societal expectation or no expectation? there is no hard and fast rule, so whatever floats your boat… at the end you gotta do what you gotta do BUT I believe there’s a no 6 and a small voice that always reminds you of the right thing to do … ok.. what I don’t get is this: guys that “say” they cannot marry virgins? sounds like a sorry excuse to encourage sex without commitment.. hahaha .. yet to come across one though .. but if there is truly any .. and if there is truly any from his heart of hearts, I would definately be surprised. surprised that a guy would prefer his lady or wife to get the supposed “needed experience” from other men, when he can show her how to please him, and then she can practice on him to get the “supposed experience” , isn’t love patient?.. sorry, if I am being too graphic, just my thoughts .. trying to decipher the thought process behind it … whoever even says or thought that (for lack of a better word) non-virgins would know their way around better than a virgin who gets her experience after marriage? When you get sound theories, praticals aren’t always that difficult! hehehe

Please she is not being unrealistic. It is possible. Might be really tough even you both decide not to but it’s a decision you have to ensure you know why you are making. Can’t be because you want the man to love you because some guys will chill for months till they do the deed and then still dump you.

The best justification I can come up with is this: Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

I know many are enticed into carrying on after making a mistake because of people like the guy who says they can’t understand why you wouldn’t have sex if you have done so before. But that is just one of the devil’s many gimmicks into keeping people in perpetual bondage. It is possible to start afresh and stay pure. Don’t let any guy deceive you oh, I have lived with men all my life as I have no sister and trust me, any man will value your stance. They might do ‘shakara’ for a while just to see if you will give in but trust me, that is a weeding exercise. The users and losers flee and the strongest survive.

For whatever reason you give, you’ll realise it really wasn’t worth it at the end of the day. Whether to keep a man, to prove your prowess and knowledge, to be adventurous … At the end of the day, the Word of God stands sure, let all others be liars and God be true.

***There is no other way I could have approached this topic without sounding preachy. But I speak to myself too so there you go!***

I married as a 30-year old virgin to a 35-year old virgin. No neither of us is a freak or frigid. In fact quite the contrary. I want you (especially the younger readers) to know that waiting is VERY doable (with God and good old discipline) and it’s much more rewarding after marriage because there’s a bond of trust that can’t be broken. DON’T BE DECEIVED BY THOSE WHO’VE THROWN IT AWAY AND THEN BASH VIRGINS BECAUSE THEY CAN NEVER GET BACK WHAT THEY HAVE LOST.

I agree!!! totally.. all they will do is to bash you and make you, the virgin/celibate one to look like you are doing the very wrong thing..to the point where u look abnormal and they look normal. which u know is wrong and should be the other way round. They, the addicted fornicators, are the abnormal ones and the ones who know what exactly DIGNITY is, are the normal ones. Selah!

“They might do ‘shakara’ for a while just to see if you will give in but trust me, that is a weeding exercise. The users and losers flee and the strongest survive.” Really??? When the men themselves are out there looking for how to sleep with the next thing in skirt and it is okay for them to test us and weed out the strongest abi?

Sex is pleasurable for both a guy and A WOMAN. You are not a bad woman just because you are having sex.The same way the “weeders” have sexual urges is the same way a woman too has sexual urges!It is not rocket science.Nobody should let any idiot man make her feel small..That been said, sex is a BIG deal.There is the issue of STDs, unwanted pregnancy et al. However, the onus falls on you.If you want to do it, go ahead and do it but make sure you protect yourself cos you alone will bear the consequences.
All my friends that had sex b4 marriage are all married and some married with children. Not every man sees you as a hoe just because you committed a natural act!

sister, i don’t believe the bible (or any of the references temi quoted) implied the girl should stay pure and the guy go wild. she (and most of us commenters) are dwelling on the woman’s side because the character in the post is ..A …WOMAN! No one denied that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men. Trying to justify illicit sex because ‘the men too are having it’ is just a by-product of some feminist snake oil that has not done any one of us women THAT much good since it got on the scene anyway, so why don’t we just admit it’s wrong?

Temi, I totally agree with you!
The truth is no one can say no to sex and abide by it except it is from a deep conviction and values gotten from God. If it is just to keep the man or maintain your dignity, i tell you you will soon fall flat and be back to square one, for “it is not by power or might” but it is God that gives the grace to stay away from fornication and other sexual sins.

I’ll be very honest with you here, it pays to wait. I have been married for 6 years, i did not wait but neither did i explore. I had sex just once with an ex just because i was pressured ( you know how guys do). When i met my husband, i made it very clear i wasnt into it and he was cool with it. For a while! After waiting for about 8months we got into it( not very often though). The truth is, it was after we got married a year after that i found it fulfilling and more enjoyable. Till today, i still feel it would have been worth the wait. So ladies my advise to is wait!

true bimby!i lost this guy 1st cos i refused to have sex then got into another r/ship had sex ( cos of pressure from him & the relationship that ended) i am not married now but i intend to wait this time around that is how God intends it and its better that way entirely my opinion sha

There was a time when 3 months was the standard. Having said that some people hook up immediately and spend the rest of their lives together while others wait for months and the guy takes off once the woman gives in because the thrill of the chase is gone. I suppose it is more important to look at how the man treats you and if you are both headed in the same direction before getting intimate. Unless of course you are just looking for a ‘take away’ ……

Let face reality nd speak d truth.i ve been a victim on several occasion of losin sumone by nt yieldin to sex.close associat friend as guy, said d can neva married a girl witout havin sex wit d lady, i was even compel to carried out a research on woman nwadays dat were married, almst 99.9% said d had sx blf marriag.am currently n a waitin game relatnship,dough a xtrian at heart,it dificult,blcas it wil take up to 3 yrs to get married to hm. can we actually wait? easier said dan done.

God’s word IS reality. And it is do-able. Might be tough and yes, actually it IS tough—I know that for a fact but lemme tell you guys one story. A guy aid the same thing about not being able to be with someone and not have sex so babe felt pressured as she didnt want to lose the ‘gold’ she had discovered. Fast forward 8 months, the guy dumps her. Why? You won’t believe it but he said it was because she was stifling his spiritual growth and he wants to be close to God. Now what shall we say to these things? Stick to what is right. Don’t be pressured by those liars that make u compromise. They want a good thing too. Trust me. It might not be easy but His strength is made perfect in our weakness and if we fall, don’t let the devil be making you feel all hope it lost ’cause no, it is not. It is never worth it.

TRUE!!! PEOPLE DONT BE PRESSURIZED TO HAVE SEX. WHEN A GUY LOVES YOU, HE LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. SEX IS JUST AN ICING ON A CAKE NOT THE CAKE ITSELF (if that makes sense). IF YOU AREN’T A VIRGIN AND YOU WANT TO CELIBATE, MORE POWER TO YOU COS I KNOW IT’S NOT EASY BUT ALWAYS PRAY AS YOU ARE CELIBATING. IF YOU ARE A VIRGIN, PLEASE DON’T GIVE IT UP TRUST ME. IF YOU ARE HAVING SEX ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT STOP AND CELIBATE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. IF YOUR BOYFRIEND ISN’T HAPPY AND HE’S CALLING YOU ALL SORTS OF NAMES…THEN YOU NEED TO THINK AGAIN COS HE MIGHT BE IN IT JUST FOR SEX….shikena

Its not easy, but can be done with the grace of God. If u get totally lost in the word of God, u will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Don’t be deceived by the enemy who is controlling all these people going against the Spirit of Truth. That is the only true worship we can give God according to Romans 12:1-2… God has told us to wait for a reason, He is not stupid it will sure pay to wait. I’ve been in both situations before, where I waited and where I did not wait. In fact the guy did not wait for one week to stop ignoring my calls. It pays to wait my sister.

I totally agree with KaKai, Three months should be a minimum standard if you don’t want to wait till after marriage but then again that is not a guarantee that he will marry you.
Celibacy is good but not for the fainthearted obviously… If the dude really cares then he will wait for you Shikena!

Well I feel waiting is the best because once u get married to the right person u guys can have all the sex in this world and I bet it wld be worth the wait. To be truthful asides HIV there r lots of STD out there which r very harmful xpecially to the woman we have PID, Clamadia, Cervical Cancer to mention but a few and let me tell u condom isn’t 100percent safe so girlffriend wait and u won’t regret u did!

My take – be true to yourself. I’m not the kind of girl that feels comfortable with premarital sex, not just because I’m a Christian. If I slept with every guy I dated, gosh I would have slept with over 50 guys by now, lol! And if I slept with every guy I was in a relationship with, hmmmm….you sleep with John, thinking he’s the ‘one’, he’s not the ‘one’, you breakup. Move on, and start dating Dapo and sleep with him, he’s not the ‘one’, breakup and the vicious cycle continues, lol!

My sister, u don talk am….I have lost many guys ’cause whenever I give the terms of the relationship and include “no sex”….they just say, “eh! na wa for you, oh!” and just walk away. I pray the ONE will soon come along…’cause at some point, I almost gave in, thinking “maybe one of them will stay”.

thank you ! As much as me being a Christain plays a big role in my being a virgin at 26, the thought of sleeping with every guy I dated /had a relationship with irks me, whoops that would have being no less than 20 guys ! I remember some of them & wondered what I was doing with them in the first place, so imagine remembering any sex experience with them, oh dear I would be sick to my stomach !

Several times I almost gave up but when I get past the kissing & smooching stage, I just control myself to not go further ( I know it is the Holy Spirit pulling me away as this dampens me from praying often) . I have studied myself and I know I would have a high penchant for sex. Guys would do the shakara after I state my decision & later come back in the morning with breakfast to beg me, one even came back after 18months ! I have dated a guy for 3yrs without sex, we were strongly attracted, yet he respected my decision even though he has been active in his prior relationships, I left him 4 times out of fear that he could be cheating on me, but yet he kept coming back within the same day to win me back, that’s love ! If a guy truly loves u, he would stick.For me sex is a one way street that if I start, no going back, I would never be able to stop myself from having sex very often, I know me and that would destroy me outside of marriage but I love myself so much to do that to me.

as far i am concerned it is an individual thing and am speaking for an eperienced point of view. when you are not a virgin it is actually more dificult to be celibate but when you are a virgin its easier cos whenever you are tempted you tell your self i am a VIRGIN cant afford to do it. i am a relationship nw and it has been 4 months nw initially, i told him i would wait till marriage and i love him so much and last month it happened i dnt regret it cos it was nt forced we both wanted it.
as for Eloka as far as am concerned wether you wait three weeks or not if a guy is determined to sleep with a chick he would be patient till he finally get in between those legs.

Biblically,its should be after wedding,but we v seen marriages crash after few weeks bcus of sex issues.On another hand, i know of a couple that did it the very first day they met and happily married with children now.

When we do things God’s way then we’re assured of His protection, providence, blessings…and we can have peace of mind even when the hard times hit as they’ll surely do. If you willingly disobey God who are you gonna run to when you’re in the pit? Sooner or later we all find ourselves in a pit of some sort and believe you me sometimes even your nearest and dearest won’t be by you side! We thank God for His mercies and loving kindness. I hope that you will choose true love which is what God offers you even when we don’t listen. How? He’s still there to help us pick up the pieces even though we don’t deserve it sometimes.

Left to me, a guy wanting to have sex with you b4 marrying you doesn’t prove he loves you.
@Nneka’s point, being sexually satisfied isn’t all there is to marriage. Also, what guarantees that after you try him ‘out’, you’ll get satisfied wen u get married.
My point, Love ≠Sex. If he loves you, he should wait!

I think its splendid to wait, am telling u there’s less hassles that way am married and my husband was my first dont worry this is not an old lady speaking, am in my 20’s and i’ve been married a few months, i happen to have some of my exes as friends with my husband but we can all relate comfortably with each other without the hassles of i’ve been with them b4 and it’s driving everyone crazy being together, it was’nt easy waiting but it was worth it, oh i had a guy dump me becos i would’nt put out i was hurt at the time but now i just grin at him and flash my ring, his in a complicated relationship but cant get out, so i finally had my revenge, cos i can see the envy in his eyes,

Well said Temiloluwa; I totally agree with u. I cudnt av said it better myself. @ Ogabo Chrisiana: You can wait, you can do it dear with God on your side & I say this 4rm experience; I will be 31 in march and I am still a virgin. It hasnt been easy but I say this to show you that it is possible. I support waiting till you are married because God the maker of the whole world says so; there should be no other valid reason than that the creator says so. I do not need to indulge in any experimenting to try to identify whether my husband-to-be can satisfy me in bed: what to do, how to do it & whether or not he would be good in bed will be taken care of by God. Marriage is not an end in itself; there are still discoveries to be made abt each other, adjustments & so on.

If U̶̲̥̅̊ r 30 yrs old n above n an unmarried girl n still a virgin or don’t av sex often U̶̲̥̅̊ ve wasted your sex age!…sex it sweet!…enjoy it with your Bf with a condom or go get tested n enjoy skin τ̅☺ skin!…unless U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t enjoy sex but if U̶̲̥̅̊ do pls av it as much as U̶̲̥̅̊ can(safely)!…am not saying U̶̲̥̅̊ shuld sleep around o!…J̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊t̲̥̅̊ enjoy it with who Eva U̶̲̥̅̊ r with!if U̶̲̥̅̊ enjoy it, U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t feel used n U̶̲̥̅̊ will find out dat it will b U̶̲̥̅̊ dat choose who U̶̲̥̅̊ will marry!am married!so U̶̲̥̅̊ see I no wat am talking about.

Oooh BN, this is a hard one! IMO, what matters is how you feel about having sex with the person. If you feel like doing ‘the do’ is a stumbling block to your relationship, social life, etc – don’t DO it! Ultimately, your lover/partner either want what’s best for you or not. If they pressure you into sex, guess who they are putting first? Do you wanna be with someone who will rather fulfill their sexual desire than make you happy without making you feel guilty?
ps. Waiting DOES help with regard to picking a time to sleep with someone. For one thing, you figure out whether it’s just a momentary bout of lust pushing you, or whether it’s a physical experience you really wanna share with that person.

Well I think people should ask themselves why they are staying celibate or choosing to wait for marriage. Sure, there is the reason of religion but most times if you dig deeper, a lot of women think they are keeping themselves “pure” for their husband. They see their virginity as a gift to their husband and hope it will keep them in a high standard in his eyes. Unfortunately, this does not always work out as planned and some then use their virginity as a weapon during arguments. As in,
” I cannot believe you are doing this to me, did you not meet me as a virgin ?!”
” Am I not a good woman since I kept myself for you ?! ”

So in my opinion, you should be a virgin for yourself and God (if applicable). If you want to avoid sex because you want to know someone better without the cloud of orgasms confusing you then go ahead but remember your virginity is not a prize to your husband. It is between you and God.

Personally, I am not a virgin and I think it is good for healthy serious relationships to engage in it. I would not encourage random sex with a “maybe” boyfriend. However, if you are with someone you trust and you are in a relationship you know is going somewhere (as in, met his friends, family and etc) then I do not see anything wrong with that.

** 3 weeks is not enough in my opinion to be in a serious relationship **

You are right funmi about keeping oneself for husband, that means the husband has become God, any one can abstain for different reasons but I will not advice any one to make a man God in her life, I bet you when this so called man you have finally married and saved your virginity for breaks your heart with incessant adultery you will begin to wonder what happened. If you must remain a virgin do so because you are a true christian all round not being a virgin who tells lies, steals, gossip and has anger and bitterness in her heart.
Being a virgin does not make one a saint, fornication is not the biggest sin or the smallest sin is sin. An again why can’t a man be a virgin why must chastity be a woman choice? this is another poser who wan answer that one?

Please don’t make marraige the be and all of you, I know some people aho are at their best when they are alone an

@nok1o i 100% agree with. I always feel used nd ashamed of myself when after the whole sex thing, i find out we r not compatible, we “break up”. Move 2 d next with sex attached nd loo….u break up again. haaa, like u said vicious cycle continues…
In conclusion, only God knows the best.

personally,i think sex is too overrated! and waiting is worth it…guys are full of deceit and all they want is to get inside u and that’s the end.it takes the grace of God to wait tho + he already said u can do all things through Christ that strengthens u.u not being a virgin but deciding to be celibate takes a lot cos of the pressure u get from the opposite sex.if a man truly loves u,he will definitely wait (as seen in a movie-jumping the broom) will u rather he satisfies his sexual urge and leave u living in guilt?

people like to use their myopic and brainwashed beliefs to judge other people’s lives! pluuuuueeeessseeeeee, if you use society’s expectatations to guide your decisions, you will forever remain in the gutter.

have sex, be a virgin, whatever rocks your boat. as long as its what YOU want to do and not what african or religious bruhaha says. after all how many traditional chiefs and elders and even our religious “leaders” dont cheat on thier spouses.

wow. how judgmental of you. so if someone is christian or muslim they’ve been brainwashed? you forget that people choose their religions OUT OF CHOICE. so someone going by so called ‘religious rules’ do so because it FLOATS THEIR BOAT as you would put it. it is what they want to do. so don’t insult them

and wats wrong with one’s values being detremined by their religious beliefs…..its interesting when pple say others judge, but are actually judging others with alternative views n principles….if i decided to do as i will, i will be truly misguided, absolutely nothing wrong, with using God’s rules are my guide

In these ‘modern’ times, women have made themselves objects and have not held on to their pride and glory. The reason men flee is because there are other girls out there who are willing to give them sex without the stress of being committed.

I would advice any girl to wait solely because sex does cloud your judgement and not having sex is more for your benefit that for the guys benefit because in reality (and unfortunately) you do lose more. Guys are moved by the eyes and they can have sex without any emotional attachment. So I agree with Eloka when he says sex is just sex. Now with girls, it is almost impossible (though I am aware that these days, girls claim to be able to have sex with multiple guys without any strings attached).
Trust me, if a guy is willing to spend time with you without the intimacy of sex then it does show he really loves you. While sex is a major part of a marriage it also should never be the main part or foundation because when you speak to married people they tell you they go days/weeks/months without sex because of the kids, work, stress, life etc. And it is the friendship which you formed without sex that holds the marriage together.

Also, taking the point of not waiting a girl that has slept around, isn’t that difficult? If you expect sex from the girl but may end up not marrying, she dates the next guy, sleeps with him (because it is expected) he ends up not marrying her and it continues.
If a man has had all of you consistently before marriage what makes the marriage special or different? Only thing different is that you spent millions of pounds and wore a wife dress and oh yes, maybe you live together now if you weren’t doing so already.

As women, we need to take the control back and become the priced jewel a man desires and cannot wait to marry, love and care for.

AS FAR AS AM CONCERN, CASUAL SEX WITHOUT SERIOUS RELATION WOMEN FEEL THE PAIN. MEN EVEN WANT TODAY THEY ASK IMMEDIATELY YOU ACCEPT.THEREFORE THAT womanhood IS THERE PRIDE,FUTURE,WEALTH ETC… THAT THE REASON THEY HAVE BEREAUCRACY IN IT.

hmmmmm, Ive been reading a bunch of peoples 2 cents, n its beginning to look like schools of thoughts in here, n to those schools of thought, i’ll add my own 2 kobo.
To those saying that, u need to have sex with him to find out if he’ll be good in bed wen u get married n if u guys will be sexually compatible, I ask, what is sexual compatibility sef. Listen carefully…….sorry read carefully, lol. When God made sex, he made it as a gift to the married couples, as something they could share n strengthen their relationship. Thus, sex experience with ur husband should be the only experience u should have! There should not be any other experience to compare it with. Sex outside marriage is ‘sweet’ cos, just like stolen food taste sweeter, casual sex feels better with more men to compare n more fantasies to fulfill. Sex goes deeper than the great orgasms, like someone said, when u sleep with a guy, u enter a covenant with not only him, but every other person he’s being with, hence the emotional ties, clouding of judgement.
To the school of thought saying u shouldnt waste ur ‘sex age’, of which @faith seems to head……….You guys are the main resaons, being virgins is getting tougher but will continue to be marveled at n be more appreciated, I hope im not being judgemental, but if uve lost urs, why mislead other too. Guys will definitely want to have to have sex with their gfs, but will always want to end up with someone they would grow sexually with, someone they would teach to love them and learn how to love.
Besides sef, God says to abstain, shikena!

It is amazing how some people play with SIN. If God says don’t do it, then don’t do it! If you’ve sinned already, then repent before it is too late. The wages of sin is death, and everyone who sins will end up in HELL.

I agree totally with Temiloluwa for the only reason being – the Word of God is anti- premarital sex. It’s one of the hardest things ever… guys believe im weird, avoid me like a plague, girls bitch…thinking one is trying to make them feel inferior.
I don’t even have my future spouse in mind when i focus on abstinence, i just try to focus on making God happy. I pray like daily for God to keep me away from temptations and distractions (btw, some guys are just devilishly tempting mehn! I’m battling with one right now)
But overall, its possible, though rare in this generation to abstain till marriage.

guys believe im weird, avoid me like a plague, girls bitch…thinking one is trying to make them feel inferior.
Tell me about it. I had many guys disappear when I mentioned i was a ‘virgin’. In their words they didnt want to make a good girl turn bad. My girl friends think im suffering and a goody too shoes.. lol.
But I met my fiancee and he is an absolte star! He’s waiting for me and respects my decisions. One of the things that drew me to him was that he wanted that as well not like I forced it down his throat. So there are MEN like that!!!

Very well said Funmi. Any woman who is keeping her virginity as a prize for her husband is in for a rude shock. It won’t stop him from cheating on you. Neither will it give you immunity from the challenges that ‘non-virgins’ face in marriage. If you want to get married as a virgin, please do it for yourself. Certainly not to please your husband.
There are no hard and fast rules regarding sex before marriage. It’s a personal decision. What works for one adult might not work for the other. Some women hold out till their wedding night yet the marriage still ends in divorce. Some give it up on the first date and go on to have happy relationships that may even lead to marriage (this is more the exception than the rule though). I’m all for sex in a healthy, steady relationship. If two consenting adults want to express their love for each other by worshipping their bodies, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
I find most to-have-sex-or-not articles mildly irritating because they always make it seem as if sex is something a woman does at a loss. Women enjoy sex too. A lot of women sleep with men purely for pleasure with no expectations of a relationship or marriage. I’ll take the debate seriously when someone starts asking men some hard questions too.
I don’t if this helps, but it’s a question I recently asked myself: ‘If you sleep with him and the relationship ends someday, would you feel hurt, ashamed and used, or would you enjoy the memories and get on with your life with no regrets?’
Pick an answer.

thank you my sister!!! all i keep hearing is sin sin sin they seem to forget that we who are born of a woman are sinners as long as you pray for forgiveness. Even Jesus Christ said we as humans should forgive 7 times 7 so God will forgive you no matter how much or bad your sins are as long as you are truly sorry and moreover we are now at the age and time that there is nothing new under the sun..

Sin is sin abi?sinc u knw d bible so well u shld also knw d verse that asks if we should continue in sin that grace may abound.or mayb you’ve torn it out or its not in ur own bible.keep ur devlish opinion 2 urself nd stop misleading people

Gemma, your reasoning is absolutely realistic! A lot of the comments on here in my opinion sound very hypocritical. At a point, I began to wonder if everyone on here all of a sudden is a virgin of some sort or what!!!A lot of the arguments have been lop-sided, weighing more on the female gender. Sexual relations is not a unilateral act so why are we not talking about the man side of it?

With no disrespect to anyone’s religious beliefs and based on various experiences I have heard about or personally been through,saving yourself for a man is indeed an awkward perspective to operate on. In the same breathe, it is not licence to be frivolous but if you want to keep your virginity, do it for the right reasons, not as a weapon for future “wars” with your spouse. That is witchcraft born out of ignorance.

An older aunty friend told me her story one day. She married as a virgin. As at the time they were dating, I knew both her and the then fiance very closely. They were very active members of a Pentecostal Church. Fast-Forward 14yrs after their marriage, they are separated, heading for divorce! Ok, so what went wrong.

I see arguments here about how having sex clouds your judgement. They didn’t have sex before marriage but from what i gathered when she personally narrated her story to me, she realized he is an out-rightly lazy bozo that lacks fundamental life values & principles. *Applying brakes*…..how did she miss that? She should have been in the relationship then with a clearer sense of judgement since there was no sex involved!

I believe before your judgement can get clouded, you need to first of know what you want to judge! So the issue of to do or not to do is independent of what you are looking for in a relationship. In my opinion, you short-change yourself when you do not check the fundamentals before taking the leap.

This topic runs deeper than you can imagine and i have a whole to say on it but enough said for now!

ok I have read all the comments n here’s my two cents. @Funmi, I agree with you about staying celibate for yourself and God, not because you think it’s a prize. I was in a 5-month relationship with a guy who I told my stand and he at first said he was cool with not doing it. But, after a month or so, he started to complain about how he cannot be in a relationship with someone for a year or so without doing it, and I still wasn’t giving it up o lol. When he finally broke up with me, he made the excuse that he was waiting for his parents (who are general overseas of a huge church in naija, by the way) to pray and confirm from God that I’m the one God wants him to be with. Omo, I cried like it was the end of the world, but I thank God I did not let it weigh me down for too long.
Months later, I’m with the most amazing guy God made, and I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am, and there is no sex involved. Not because we are not attracted to each other, but because we both understand the value of waiting, it’s a choice. My ex is still there, drooling whenever he sees me. Moral of the story? God tells us to wait, but not every man (that claims to be a Christian or not) will wait with you o. Sex or no sex will not keep a man! When God knows that you’re ready, the man that is meant to love you will love you, value you, choose to only hold your hands on the days when he feels like ripping your clothes off you, and you will both come out fulfilled in the end…God cannot lie!

“When God knows that you’re ready, the man that is meant to love you will love you, value you, choose to only hold your hands on the days when he feels like ripping your clothes off you, and you will both come out fulfilled in the end…God cannot lie!”
absolutely love your response! Indeed, God cannot lie!

Wat has worked for u might not work for others ok.Keep waiting and waste ur years.Except u are still a virgin o,if not it wont be easy.And let me tell u,don’t u think u get used bcos u want to be used?Search,watch understand who he really is before u leap.

I’m writing you as someone that’s been there and done my dirt but now I know better. My friends if you’ve not already then consider giving your life to Jesus. He loves you so much and can’t wait to show you who you really are, your purpose on earth and give you His treasures in all you lack. From mind-boggling peace to joy security, clarity, understanding, insight, health, wealth, the list is endless. Taking God’s idea and doing it our way will not give us the results we seek. Being celibate in itself does not guarantee you’re gonna get it right. God knows your suitable partner, He knows how to get you together and when. The one decision we need to get right is who and what we are gonna let be our god. But the God that I serve all He requires me to do is put Him first and He’ll take care of everything else about my life and He is. Nobody’s gonna rock you like Jesus, friends. God bless you.

Hmmmm i would have to say it s extremely hard to stay a virgin before marriage. I used to be one of those people who are like no sex until and hence i was never in a serious relationship until few years ago and he s a very good christian but men we were hot for each other. Every time we have sex, we both feel so guilty and make pacts like we wont have sex till when we get married but men we always break the pact.
Luckily for me i am now married to him and he is the only person i have ever had sex with n my entire life

Not having sex before marriage solely depends on your reasons,if you remainx a celibate cos of religion then it is the best thing to do but if its cos of dignity, respect or whatever gurl you r wasting your time cos a man wil always remain a man when he must ve satisfied his urge.

Whatever you compromise to gain, you will surely loose. God’s word is true and should be our foundation for living. No matter the trend of ‘civilization’, it pays to remain strong in God. People may not understand and think that you are foolish for not going along with the flow but God rewards holiness. Sex clouds your judgment and makes you make unreliable decisions and in the end you pay for it. The choice is yours……

The bible does say sex is good in marriage. It also says that sexual intercourse is a covenant. So for every person you sleep with, you enter into a covenant with them, hence the emotional ties. It goes further to say that for every person you sleep with, you also enter into a covenant with everyone they have slept with.

Sex goes deeper than the temporary satisfaction that you get from it…. I say wait!

I agree with those that say there is nothing wrong with sex in a loving committed relationship. I’ve been with one guy for over 5yrs now, more of those years have been long distance. Are u saying after going months without seeing each other, wen we finally see we shud be looking at ourselves?
I used to battle with guilt before till I realised that even if we broke up now, I wudnt feel used or dumped becos he has truly brought out d best in me.
BTW wen we met, he was a virgin, and I wasn’t. No other man can cherish me d way he does. And I so love me becos he despite d long distance, he has remained faithful to me. Can’t give dt up for anything.

Why shuld I lie dat am married?I met ♍γ̲̣̣̥ husband on a Monday n dat wkend we started doing it…no big deal….b4 I married it neva occured τ̅☺ me dat dia was a right time for sex…I wonder y girls see it as a big deal…♍γ̲̣̣̥ sister woman pls av fun now o…cos by d time U̶̲̥̅̊ marry children n work will take d whole of your time . Am still saying it”don’t waste your sex age”

Thanks but no thanks. Some of us prefer to do things God’s way because there is more to life than constantly having someone’s private part in one’s body and exchanging body fluids. HIV/AIDS is real and there are STDS that a condom will not protect you from. For those of you that want to hump every dude you date, that’s fine. For those of us that do not believe in doing things man’s way but God’s way should be left to live our lives the way we see fit. Judgement day awaits us all once life’s short journey on earth is over.

Honey, if you are religious as you sound, then shouldn’t God be enough reason to stay celibate before marriage? If you have to buttress your point with the warning of STD’s and AIDS, then it means you are not being 100% genuine. If the reason you are not having sex outside marriage is because of AIDS, don’t worry your cheating husband can also give it to you in marriage.

wow!! i see we have celibates everywhere. Biko if everyone here is abstaining who are those still sleeping with people’s husbands? where are the girls sleeping with their bosses on official trips? It is very easy to sit here and SHOUT at the top of your key pad about abstinence, how many actually practice it? And that bull shit about being pressured is absolute crap. If your boyfriend told you to follow him to a native doctor before he marries u, and if u dont do it he will leave you, will you go?
Sex is such a delicate issue because we make it delicate, sex is highly over rated. If you do it and your conscience doesnt kill u, good for you. If your sure that ur no dating within the same circle, meaning that if you break up with your boyfriend and date the next person, it wont seem like you have slept with half of lagos good for u(although that would be very difficult to prove, especially in this our small lagos. Also if you feel like you want to wait for ur hubby who will certainly cheat on you after marriage den good for you. IN ALL obey God’s rules and Allah’s rules. If you make a mistake your human ask for forgiveness. BUT PLS stop deceiving your self.

@ Triangle : Sorry couldn’t help but comment. Perhaps thats why you’ve ‘been together’ long distance for over 5 years, lol. Seriously though, he’s probably hitting you on the side when he’s in town. Think about it….

hmm! interesting topic…keep the post coming…i still advice that waiting is the best but certainly for d best reason(not cos of a man o!) im not a virgin but i seriously WISH i was…i was sexually molested at a tender age so,i don’t see sex as any thing but the word sex is extremely overrated(there is no biggie about it)

personally i feel the decision to have or not have premarital sex rests solely with the individual. what worked for mr a may not work for mr b. we’ve seen people who got married as virgins and are living a totally happy life, we’ve seen others whose “inexperience” posed a big problem to their marriage. iv heard of ladies whom impotent guys deceive into marriage all in the name of “waiting till that night”. i’ve seen cases of virgin ladies whose husbands are proud of at first cos they’re virgins but soon start cheating on cos they lack experience under the sheet. i’ve also seen ladies whose husbands worship because they married them as virgins. it all boils down to what works for u as an individual. im not a virgin, neither have i slept with every guy i’ve dated. i follow my hrt when it comes to sex. for me, sex is about how i feel about you. i’ve not had sex in the last six months, not bcos i wonna go celibate but cos i dont wonna do it yet with the person im with. he complains about it but im always like u can stay or u can go, i cannot be coerced into having sex with who i don’t wonna have it with. frankly i will not marry a guy without hitting the sheets with him first cos of what i’v seen o. sex is the most important part of a marriage, love without good sex in a marriage is deception. one party will definately cheat on the other. i want good sex in my marriage and u must be good before i say i do. however, what works for me may not work for others. i have a friend who says she won’t do the do until she says i do. i love her stand, i respect her for that but me i cant marry u without knowing what u can do in bed. born again or no born again, old fashioned or new fashioned, its all about what u’re cool with but in all, i preach moderation. don’t go humping with every chukwudi, demola, abdullahi and michael. even if u no be virgin, u can still be decent! peace!

Ok so I’m very inquisitive. I have been having this debate since like forever. Does oral sex count as sex? Because there are many “virgins” that have not done the do but do engage in oral sex. Abeg I need answers.

See me see frakpas o!! All of these comments fa!!! After ALL said and done, YOU and ONLY U have ur lyf to life. And only you will account(to Baba God) for all u’ve done.. So, I’ll only say,’whatever works for you and God.’

Here we all go again trying to shove each others opinions down our throats…Set aside religious (yeah i said it), cultural or social sentiments, whatever decision you make let it be yours! if you choose to remain a virgin or become celibate after becoming sexually active, let it be because you made that decision and not because of some perception of what society wants you to be or not, and on the flip side if you do choose to have sex, let it be a carefully thought out decision that you have made because you want to!

There are no hard and fast rules to sex, and what i always find sad is when we women judge each other, do we consider those who did not have a choice in it? those who were raped, molested or forced into prostitution? How many of our brothers or sons do we ask to remain virgins before marraige? or is it only women God mentions in all scriptures? The sooner we can actually have a healthy conversation amongst ourselves about sex, the better for us all!

I wonder if men are the one with all the libido since women seem to just “dole” it out. What happened to a happy healthy sex drive. I’m very happily not a virgin. I’m not sitting down waiting for Mr. Right. I don’t regret the men I’ve slept with because from every relationship, good or bad, I have learned something about myself that will hopefully make me a better person. I enjoy sex and I’m paranoid about safety and get tested regularly. I’m not promiscuous by the way. And I think that waiting 3 weeks or whatever is rubbish. If someone is not going to respect you, you definitely do not need to be with that person.

Very inspring topic and discussion. I personally think it’s good to wait. i’m not saying im a virgin but i wish i were. sex clouds your judgement, and mars your relationship with God. Ever wondered how many men u will have to sleep with before u gt the right one? it can be emotionally traumatizing leaving one for the other only to come out with the same wahala again.Best to abstain and save yourself from stress. its not easy at all, i know but just give it a try as i have also decided to. In any case if u want to go ahead with it, make sure u r doing it because u r sure of what u r doing and not as a tool for committing some guy or as a parameter for determining if he’s here to stay. there’s no positve r’ship between sex and committment. Ladies look sharp.

sexual compatibility is actually one of the many cornerstones potential couples ought be ascertaining before marriage night otherwise what do you do if after saying I do and you find out that you have just sentenced your Virgina to a life time of torture or lack of one, depending on how you like it.

For me its a no brainer. Ladies pls wait. We are the ones who lose out. I v been there, done that with as many men and in as many positions as possible. Countless relationships and Abortions later, I wish I had had the presence of mind to wait. I have been celibate for a while now, and enjoying it. I have more respect now and am closer to God. My ex weirdly enough now wants us to be serious unlike before when he used to treat me like shit. But I no get his time.
My point is in the course of looking for MrRight I gave in to a lot of wrong things of which am no better now. But after God warned me not to have sex outside marriage again if I wanted him to answer me, I gave it up. I didn’t think it was possible cos of my high sex drive but believe me it is.

It very ironic how ppl are saying they will wait till marriage and want to preach the Bible to you ever chance they get.. One question I have is that….do you really practice every single thing the Bible tells us to do or do we pick and choose what benefits us the most. Most of you are Hypocrites! I ‘m sure most of you that’s preaching the bible do not obey your parents fully, I’m sure most of you have even stolen before even if its 50 kobo, 50 cents or whatever! Stealing is stealing. So let’s not used the Bible to makes us place judgment if someone wants to have sex before marriage because who really goes and live by the Bible everyday of their lives not sometimes but all the time……Who cares, just make sure you protect yourselves and get tested. Think about STD’s before pregnancy…..that’s all!!!

My dear, I practice what I preach and live by the bible. Is it possible to live a sinless life? Yes, Christ gives victory over sin! You probably tried to live a holy life in your strength, but discovered that it’s impossible; to make yourself feel better, you’ve let the devil deceive you into thinking that nobody is living right. Let me tell you, there are those living right, and those are the people that will be raptured when Jesus’ returns.

As a caveat, don’t look at those who claim to be Christians, but still commit sin. There is no such thing as a sinning Christian. Anyone disobeying God’s word is a sinner (even if that person is a pastor!). My advise to you is to repent before you get left behind or end up in hell.

@the person that took time to reply me up there.
What exactly is ur point? I’d be bothered if u knew me and d ramifications of my relationship. Has it occured to you that being in a rship for 5yrs means we met in sch? Imagine meeting someone at 18 and today u’re 24 is dt too old. The normal process of graduating frm sch, getting a job and then deciding to settle down must follow. You dnt expect an 18 year old chic and a 21 year old guy to get married.
So dnt insinuate that d sex is wat is making us still unmarried. I have been in dis same rship and hv watched my friends change guys severally, and are now frustrated because time is ticking and they still haven’t found mr right.
I see nothing wrong in sex in my scenario, d problem wud hv been if in those 5yrs, I’d changed like 4-5 men and slept wit all of them.
To each his own o!

Please let us clarify what the Bible says specifically about sexual immorality (sexual intercourse is just one of the immoralities);
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies
Using the Bible as a guide, Sexual immorality defiles the body because our body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, also abstinence from sexual immorality is in honor of God and not for our spouse. With that being said I took the pain to research the appropriate scripture pertaining to this topic because I have come across women who claim not to want to have sex until their wedding day but as a compromise would engage in other acts such as smooching, oral sex, anal sex etc. I am sure these acts are also sexually immoral. It is even much more hyprocitical for you to claim to follow the tenets of the bible on sex and yet in your day to day dealings you do not exhibit other equally important fruits of the spirit such as love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, forbearance , etc (Galatians 5: 21-23).
Even more so for those condemning others for having had premarital sex, one of the ladies that was impacted by our lord Jesus Christ was a prostitute. So the point here is that rather than cry wolf over each other’s sexual abstinence or lack thereof let us focus on getting our lives right with God and every other thing will fall in place.
From a guys perspective please understand that sex is unfortunately not the most important factor for deciding who to be with or without.

yeah three weeks ke?! I have often heard 6 months. lol… okay seriously if you’re that religious celibate is the way cos we call it fornication on that part of the island. But if you are a no send person then for the sake of all things sensible pls use a bloody condom at least!

u just sound ignorant n one of poor principles….u think u r suddenly of a higher standard, n dat ur indiscipline is justified just becos he married u? at the end of the day, u attract wat u r, so if u r married to a promiscous person like u, its no biggy really. wat the hell is a ‘sex age’ anyway? just ignorant

Lol @ the comments,especially faith(so sincere).I have learned one or two things from the comments posted.Well said everyone. Bella naija, more power to your Elbow.I look forward to more interesting topics concerning real life issues on your site. This is one of the best topics ever.

Sex is sweet. The problem with sex is when it starts affecting your self-esteem or self-confidence. People marry as virgins and end up divorced. People marry impotent men and end up divorced — sex should never be the thesis of a relationship. My advice, follow your heart and guts. It never fails.

SEX!!! should be left alone for married couples. Really my experience with my ex boyfriend whom at first when i told him I was a virgin was willing to wait. I was so much in love with him and us been from the same church and all I trusted him 100%. I can’t count the number of times our pastor preached against sex before marriage. Anyway to cut the long story short he started asking for sex. I was so in love and I didn’t want to hurt him so I allowed him to make out with me but will never allow him to go all the way. Day by Day the pressure increased but I wasn’t going to let him go all the way. You know what happen by darling ex left me for one of the so called sunday school teacher and in less than 9 month He got married to her. I was so unhappy for several months not because he left but due to the fact that I let him make out with me and he still left 2 weeks after and started dating these other sister in church. Really I wonder what would have happen if I had sex with him all the way.

Now I am engaged to be married to the love of my life we have been together for more than 2 years without sex or making out ( am still a virgin by th way) and he proposed to me last week and he said one of the many reasons why he loves me so much was because I was the first girl He would ever date with so many weird rules(NOT having SEX until marriage not negotiable)and He still wants to be with. He also said in the absence of SEX we were able to talk more and he was able to know many lovely things about me and also said he can’t wait for me to be his wife so that he can discover many more amazing things about me.

I have never seen such long posts by bella fans. Sex is a personal decision each person has to make. it is funny becos I believe it clouds ur judgment the other way. I am in my mid 20’s and have just had sex for the first time after 6 months in a relationship with my boyfriend and we are now going into our 2 years anniversary. I believe sex clouds your judgement and makes u somewhat paranoid about guys’ intents because when you are looking mr. right, you start doing everything to see if the guy is the right one. you judge his every move, analyze every word and action, which at the end is not really healthy and clouds you from truly seeing the guy for who he is and what he is bringing to the table because you are too busy checking and making sure he will be worth giving your virginity to. This is my 2 cents; waiting is a personal decision, I initially was waiting for marriage becos my mother was the same way and brought me up that way,but the more I grew up, the more realistic I became about what having sex means for 2 people in a relationship. So I say, it starts from home with good mothers. In your teenage years, just focus in your education becos I don’t know any guy at that age that understands the true reason to have sex. In ur adults years, don’t just date one guy after another, and by the way, dating a guy does not mean you have to sleep with them. Be very selective with who you choose to date, and when you choose, take your time until your are sure that you are both sincerely into each other and wants to be in each other’s life for the long haul. I can tell you that you can attract what you are, because if you are busy focusing on yourself, your education, job or whatever, a guy will see that and know that you don’t have time for games. So bottom line, if you are truly not ready to have sex, or if never wanna have sex until marriage, THEN DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP. I know y’all will think am crazy, but I say that to all my friends, because I believe in having a sound and healthy relationship, and also because I don’t know how many guys out there who will be willing to wait. it is not fair to the sincere guys who are equally looking for what you are looking for. I even believe it turns the goods ones away, because sometimes it sounds like a wedge we use against guys to get what we want, and it can also seem hypocritical especially when we use the name of God as a reason but in all other areas of our life we are not being as holy, forgetting that all sins, big and small is all the same in God’s eye. If you wanna wait for religious reasons, go ahead, but make sure you are working in the right at all times and in all aspects of your life.But we have to stop this notion that if we wait for our husbands, they will love us more and know we were good girls. Virginity DOES NOT equal good moral character and being a good human being. I do believe there is a good time to have sex, and for women it has to and should be much later in our adulthood, because when we are younger, guys our age are all raging with hormones and just want whatever is under a skirt. So wait, but in the knowledge that you are waiting for when the time is right and good for you and your principles and expectations. Focus on urself and make sure u are building a well rounded life. When you finally have it, please enjoy it, yes ladies, it is a two way street.

You couldnt have said it better!!, if you chose to be a virgin or celibate or have sex as a result of your relationship with God, make sure ALL aspects of your life fall in line too, or…it almost equals wasting your time…wether big or Small sin its the same in Gods eyes…but I tire this topic..Its all about a personal Choice…Since our lives are all on different paths, a decision of mines might not be the same for you…Ultimately Do what you feel is right at that point in time. but dont forget that little voice within you…

Why is Sex synonymous with Women? Does society hold guys to the SAME standard of Abstaining? Or is it ok for the husband you marry to have slept around while You are the Virgin? What man wont be happy if hes had his share of other women and when he wants to settle down gets a Clean Virgin? And Now adays WHAT really is a “Virgin”? is it someone who has their Hymen intact, while they have Anal sex, kissing, Oral sexing, Porn watching, Fingering, doing EVERYTHING short of penetration? If you are a virgin wether male or female, and do all of the above, You are no virgin in Gods eyes….on the other hand I would say holding off on sex, is the way to go. NOT for the guy, but for God first, then Yourself. Now if you Dont believe in God, then go ahead. Your husband wont love you any more or less if youre not a virgin/vice Versa. Providing its YOUR husband, the man who God wants for you. If its the man who you’ve sought Gods mind about, YOU will be HAPPY regardless. But how do you know Gods mind? First step, Draw close to him, having sex doesnt help you in this regard. God KNOWS we as Humans, male/female, are not perfect have a tendency to fall. He Made Sex, so He knows. If you arent a virgin, and you dedicate all to him, in his eyes you are the same as that Virgin. If you are a Virgin, and dedicate everything to him, same goes for you. He LOVES YOU wether Virgin or Not. I am not a Virgin, I am celibate, and I have never had an intimate relationship with God as I have now, NOT even when i was a virgin. I KNOW the difficulty many of you might be going thru. I have NEVER regretted not being a virgin, because through certain experiences I have been thru, I am the more wiser..Coupled with a renewed intimacy with God, its priceless. Now my life is not the same as yours. On the other hand, if you decided not to have Sex, are a Virgin, its your personal Choice and God will Honor you, so Hold on to it with your life…If you had sex, more grease to your elbow, but get closer to God, not for anyone but Yourself…sooner or later we all hit a wall…If you are of marriageable age, Ive come to the realization that its when you draw closer to God that he opens your eyes to see the man he has you for..and at that point it wouldnt matter wether youre a virgin or “reborn virgin” So in a nutshell, its not about waiting or having sex…its about intimately loving God.

Umm lets just say i didnt even read the article. I attempted to but had to stop myself. I scrolled through some of the comments and I figured id had enough.So here’s my two cents. Sex is as real as air. No denying that. Instead of talking about “the right time” why not talk about prevention of STI. I mean national HIV/AIDS awareness day was just last month. I’M JUST SAYING WE CAN DO BETTER

hmmm all this people claiming to be Mary Amaka’s na wah for u!! I am not supporting pre-marital sex but our generation of today has made sex something which is common in every relationship.However, the problem comes in when you decide to sleep with every tom dick and harry u get involved with. Its important you master a guys character and know exactly what he wants from your relationship. If his feelings are sincere and you guys are really attracted to each other then the sex can come in. However it is important you use condoms cos many youths of our generation neglet the importance of condoms and go around sleeping strapless..bikooo make wonna be careful oh! AIDS is real! Talking about marriage, sexual compatibility is veryyyyy important in a marriage. I have seen homes where the husband sleeps around cos their wives can’t give it to them in bed and the marriage in some cases comes to an end..So do not entirely criticise marriage b4 sex cos it always comes in handy at some pt. and girls please if you are with a guy and he pressures you to have sex with him please bikooo end dat relationship cos its obvious the guy is only after the sex…i have been in such a situation before when i just got into the university..back then I was basically the only virgin amongst the other girls and then i meet this guy i fell for and he kept on persuading me about sex and after 4 months i gave in..off course the relationship ended weeks later with me being seriously hurt..so girl be careful

Lol @ al d comments. Sex is a very personal thing as much as it is a religious and cultural thing. D definition of being a virgin shud be spelt out because there r so many girls dat do boob fuck, blow jobs, kissing, smooching, masturbating dat stil call demselves virgin, same goes for d guys too. Av been having sex ryt frm my teens cuz I believed u give ur boyfriend evrything.Dat school of thut dint work for me ooh as much as it works for a very close friend of mine.I went thru this vicious cycle of changing bfs, sleeping wif dem, breaking up and moving on.I made up my mind 4mths ago nt to av sex again, nt because Sex is bad bur cuz I just wantd to give myself a clean slate and deal with my own being first.A male friend gisted me abt his ex who is a virgin.He complained abt au bored he was in d relationship, au she lacked d ability to be intimate and make d relationship lively.it just made me wonder and conclude dat a boy and a gurl shud look for what makes their relationship tick bur shudnt lose their own personalities in d process.
**Girls who are virgins shudnt continue wif d mentality of giving their virginity to their husbands.In this world we r in now, dat mentality keeps u on a long thing**

I have ‘smashed’ 15 guys in my adult life, some were my boyfriends, some one night stands, some f- buddies. I enjoy having sex and I am not ashamed to say it. Call me a whore, slut, one-with-a-friendly p-, ashewo, harlot, whatever name you can come up with. hain!. You know the interesting part, you that you are a known virgin or you only sleep with your boyfriend or you even do everything except from ‘penetration'(as long as the hymen is intact right?) , and you commit all these ‘lil’ sins like white lie, malice, do you know wearing a top that shows your cleavage is a sin?? and oh that above the knee skirt you are wearing is making that brother down the road commit a sin??; yáll f- hypocrites are ending in the same hell with me if the rapture happens (don’t try to judge me. it will increase your sin count). The sad part would be i got to enjoy great sex, different positions, different places more than you did. And you would be standing next to me in that burning flame.
Free yourselves ladies, do whatever pleases you. If you are going to use God as an excuse, pls obey his entire word and not f- choose what suits you best.
Whenever a woman is ready, it should be her choice. When is 18, 21, 1day relationship, 3months, whatever she wants. Be f- liberated and enjoy life. It is never that serious, well as long as you are being safe and smart. No regrets!!
God loves us all, even the harlots. (i think he said he loves them more)
*all you hypocrites on here make my stomach turn*

lmao there is nothing we wouldnt read on Bn oo!chai anyways what makes you think that the commentators that want to stay celibate are hypocrites? that u love having sex outside marriage doesnt mean that others donot keep to the commandments written in the bible. i for one am not a virgin but ive bin celibate for close to 2years and i donot begrudge my friends that have sex with their boyfriends or the ones that are virgins(never kissed a boy before kinda virgin) Truth is at the end of the day you account to God for your life and not the life of others. remember that if anyman be in christ he is a new creature old things have passed away and all things have become new. no where in the bible states that we must be a virgin to go to heaven or tobe able to be married but the bible does speak against fornication and that is why no matter who you are or what you have done his blood can still wash away every stain. sorry for going all preachy on you.

some people have gone on to have beautiful marriages and they slept with each other the day they met and some people have decided to keep themselves till marriage and they are currently still single in their late 30s .
Personally with the experience I’ve had , as a Christian, i would confidently tell my daughter /son to wait until after marriage not just from a religious point of view but from all angles, sex complicates things, its just too much emotions to be wasted on just anybody, if a guy/ girl truly loves you and plans to have a future with you then he/she would wait.
I have realised that truly whatever is written in the bible is not there to torture us or deprive us as human beings , it is indeed there to guide us to a life of TRUE fulfilment and happiness.
When I ask God for something i don’t want him to work around it , I need him to do exactly what I want and I’m sure he expects that of me too, so I’ve learnt to not try and work around God’s expectations of me.

sex is a personal things so lets not all go so bibilical cos every sin carries the same measure which is judgement.the bottom line is if ur having sex before marriage den let there be moderation in it.if ur having 2 go clibacy then fine.however,whoever doesnt respect that bit can go else where.your decision would best or should best work for you cos the fact that amaka waited till marriage doesnt make the men around you wait for you.if u must engage in it,let there be moderation not geting down with any tom ,dick or harry.

I wonder y so many people behave as if they r Joan of Arc,I met my fiance a few months Τ̲̅☺ my eighteenth birthday,we have sex regularly and we’ve been together for 6yrs,he respects&adores ​M̶̲̥̅̊ξ and we will b married in a few months. The bottom line is there r different strokes for different folks.

of course,this is the kind of topic that would yield 138 comments by the next day…and for all those quoting and unquoting scriptures,sex before marriage carries exactly the same weight as lying no matter how ‘small’…so sorry to burst ur bubbles but you who lies is no different at all from that sister who has had sex before marriage,whom you eye and gossip about….just saying!

carries the same weight in the eyes of God yes, but the consequences are not d same! u can’t compare a teenager who lied about her grades and getting scolded by her parents (consequence) and a teenager who had sex and got pregnant (consequence).

The sin of sex doesn’t carry the same weight, the bible even says that all other sins are outside the body but this is with your body.

People are not sounding preachy, its the truth, that’s what the bible is. God who created sex, knows the best time for it, so why is everything talking like they know better than God. Abi u guys know better than God ni. Please tell me o.

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body. 1 Cor 6: 16-20.

I just love nigerians!!! They still have morals.
@ij, You are so right. Having sex involves so much emotions and it is not to be wasted on just anybody.
Women are proven to be more emotional than men. Where most women go with the heart, most men go with the pleasure of the moment.

I’m no saint but i do agreee with the wait untill mariage theory because i’m yet to meet a woman who is pleased, i mean PLEASED with herself after having sex for the first time outside marriage, and we all know that the first reaction is always the best one.

Nevertheless, it comes down to the individual involved. I mean even God does not force you to choose salvation even though He knows it’s what’s best for you. All I can say is ppl perish because of lack of knowledge.
Lots of love!!!

hmm…I’m 20years but me o I will wait till Im married. God never disappoints if you heed to his instructions. And as a christian girl, why would I even marry someone I”m unsure of his ways while we were dating/incompatible with? I know one can be tempted to have sex in a relationship but if u stand on your word and always rem. that it pays to wait till the marriage night, I think you will never regret that decision.

Nice comments everyone.It is a delicate topic but my question is what will you tell your teenage daughter if she were to ask you this same question.Do you say follow your heart or tell her to wait.The fact that everyone is sleeping around doesn’t make it right.Whoever is waiting please continue and bear in mind you re doing this for youself.We can’t chose what part of the bible that suits us to obey.If we must honour God then honour Him with our body and deed.It is not about the men.

At 25 I’ve had 10 sexual partners, a termination, and a std. Based on my experience, i would say it would have been prudent to have saved myself as i would have probably avoided a lot of heartache. However i’m engaged now after being with my partner for over 4 years, even though i wasn’t a virgin when we met, and even with this std(which possibly came from him as he wasnt exactly innocent either lol), he loves me to death and can’t wait to call me his wife. Yes i regret certain choices i made in the past but i am grateful that my fiance looks past my history. I am in no position to judge anyone, to each his own, do what you like but be aware that although it doesn’t always end in heartache, you may/may not regret your choices later in life.

what i do believe in, is to follow God’s way, because probability does not pay still ,when you know you can follow a very sure way(God’s way) that can never fail you. After all the bible says “what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul”.to cut all this my preaching grammar short lol.What i am trying to say here is even after things worked out well (happy marriage and all that) for those that are virgins or non virgins if you don’t follow God’s way,you are still no where because believe it or not there is still life after death.(heaven or hell). There is more to life than sex O. He or she that has ears let them hear O! It is better to be wise when you still can be.

1. I dont mean to sound judgmental or anything, but some ladies here and generally speaking that have lost their virginity regret it,wish they could undo the deed and since they cant ,they want to draw more people to the ‘dark side’ while the ‘form’ that its not a big deal..LIE!!
2.i have lived with guys all my life,as the only girl and i know most of their under-G things.most guys will tell you that they cant be with a girl keeping herself,bla bla blah..just so most of you know guys are very funny and spacial creatures..they want the whore to bang, but to choose a wife they dont mind going to look for the decent virgin in the thick forest.they will not say this in the open,but deep down every guy wants a decent woman to take home to mama and to be the mother of his kids..if they say otherwise its a LIE.
3. if you are keeping yourself based on religious grounds, you better keep to God’s commandments to the very last..which means no malice,hatred and a those things we tend to consider as ‘little sin’..sin is sin,yes some are bigger than others,but dont take God to be a Fool,cos he is not!
4. waiting is do-able only by the grace oF God and thats why we need to hold on to him to help us.My cousin who go married at 30 or 31 not sure,she told me thats one of the best gift you can give to your husband.theres no (reasonable)man on earth that wont respect you for that..
5. Popular opinions does not mean the RIGHT opinion,and there are consequences for every decision we make..be wise!!

These comments do not line up with the reality i see amongst the demographic who are regulars of a blog like this. It is either we are saying one thing and doing another thing, or the bloggers who have commented here are outliers. something just does not sync. If we practice all that we have written here, then change is on its way. God knows the moral fabric of our society needs it.

Sex like gossiping, stealing,lying r sins, all sins point in one direction. Being a virgin also isn’t the same thing as being pure or chaste. A human being shld always strive for sth higher (spiritual) than “earthly” things. We r much too involved in “physical” things thus we hve so many problems. That being said, relationships these days r a means to hve sex, especially for teenagers. Adults who hve relationships for sex shld b ready to face wotever consequence. Hving a relationship in my opinion is for companionship, a companion is a friend, a friend is willing to do all he/she can do that is best for his/her partner, he/she is patient and understanding. This shld continue evn in marriage, cos some marriages breakdown not bcos of lack of “sex” but lack of companionship. If we can look beyond sex (its not food really) though it is good and necessary in a healthy adult relationship (prefarably marriage), the world wud b a better place. But alas we just too much into “physical” things, sad.

Well for those people who feel its not possible to get married without sleeping with your bf or fiance. God’s standards never change. Think about it if you are sure you will go to heaven if the trumpet sounded while you were sleeping with your bf or fiance then go ahead. Its true its not the only sin. However, the bible says that its the only sin that one commits against their own body. Plus if you wont mind someone else sleeping with your husband in future then go rite ahead. For those people who are still virgins, dont get discouraged keep keeping on. Even though virginity does not guarantee a good marriage. It ensures that you have nothing to hide from your husband plus you have a clean slate before God.

A few things I know about the deed:
– it’s an emotional minefield for women, so if you’re very young, don’t go there, it may confuse you.
– Nigerian men usually show their self-absorbedness in bed. I guess Nigerian women need to ask for more.
– it’s most fun before you actually get what you want, then it gets old. I have no idea how you can do it with the same one person for 30 – 80 years. That’s why people break up, some people cheat instead.
– get tested, get protection. if you can afford it, pay for the “nice” protection.
– girls, it IS true, boys are knuckle-heads, so don’t go giving up your life for their pleasure. Get strategic.

very wonderful n thougth provoking comments………well,the truth remains that “let all men be lairs n let God b true………evry form of sexual immorality is sin against God and whether we believe it or not,sin cheapens us…….if your conscience pricked you the very first day u had premarital sex,n u get to d point where it’s like,well,it’s an acceptable thing n go ahead having premarital sex,then it means God has handed you over to a reprobate mind…..if u r wise,the only option left for you is to run back to God.waitin pays because it is God that repays u not ur husband.

to have sex or not to HAS TO BE YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE! staying a virgin does not mean you will have a happy married life likewise not being a virgin. it has to be your own choice. i am reading the comments here and most of them seem to think that being a virgin suddenly guarantees some beautiful spouse and wonderful life. I have a female cousin who got married a virgin and is in the worst marriage anybody could be in. It is so bad she will file for a divorce soon. so biko, it is a personal not for anyone, but yourself

Spot on,your comment about the spritual aspects of unlawful sex is so true.May God help us all,it is one thing to abstain but is the partner doing the same?We have alot of dysfunctional marriages today ,reason?one person may not be adhering thereby bringing these spiritual negatives into a marriage.This is where you hear that a virgin or a celebate got married and is not having fulfillment

Talking from experience i will advise any Lady or Guy to wait for the right time before having SEX… Guys take sex to be no big deal its just one of those things that should be done in a relationship, just like eating and drinking to keep the body and Soul… A responsible adult who truly has value for his or herself should know that such things eat deep into a person soul it takes away the grace of God from One’s spirit. My advise is to abstain from SEX and wait for the rite time. Having Pre marital sex is like stealing meat from a pot of stew and it can never be done proudly…Ciao

thank you my sister!!! all i keep hearing is sin sin sin they seem to forget that we who are born of a woman are sinners as long as you pray for forgiveness. Even Jesus Christ said we as humans should forgive 7 times 7 so God will forgive you no matter how much or bad your sins are as long as you are truly sorry and moreover we are now at the age and time that there is nothing new under the sun……

i have to commend Jennifer, a 32 year old virgin is really hard to find these days, and Bisi do not be deceived, just cause you are in church doesn’t mean that every man there is ‘saved’ i have heard of so called pastors that sleep with their church members, and guys in choir that sleep with older women in church…so just cus he’s in the protocol department or an usher dont mean anything…if you are trying to live without sex, its hard and u cant do that without the grace of God and serious prayers cus its a hard thing to do, trust me..but always remember don’t ever get pressured to do what you don’t want to do, a lot of people have mentioned that, sex is actually a big deal (for guys and ladies, i know some people would probably disagree with the guy part but thats a discussion for another day) and when you do decide to give it up make sure its with the right person, and if it means waiting for sometime (i would say about a year) wait! but always remember when u give it up, u cant get it back again…also dont have sex with too many guys, i was having a conversation with one of my guy friends and he said the advice he would give his sister is that she should keep her number as low as possible, he said he has given up on the prospects of marrying a virgin especially cus hes not one and its kinda unrealistic in this day and age having that kind of expectation (sad, but true), so ladies if you are going to have sex, do it with the right person and with protection if you are not married

wait for it I would say again and again….other than not going spiritual(donot defile the marriage bed!!…)….as a woman: this commandent I would say was made to protect us especially. It would help you both concentrate and build on other parts of your relationship…as stated “it sures beclouds our judgement”…WAIT FOR IT I WOULD SAY PLEASEEEEEE….

I married at 30 and me and my husband were both virgins. In this day and age it is possible to remain a virgin till you get married. It is shocking to see people condemn others for staying virgins till they get married. Na by force, cause you having sex doesn’t mean everyone else is having sex.

Marriage is more than sex and a man will not decide to marry you and a woman will not decide to marry a man because they are sexual winners in bed. Marriage is more than sex biko. I wonder people are so focused on sex. If they are married they won’t be speaking that way. Sex is a beautiful thing, but marriage comes with commitment, children, intimacy that is more than sex, paying bills. Marriage is a patnership not having a sex partner. Marriage is a commitment, covenant and it comes with sacrifice

Like I said above in reply to someone’s comment, it seems that those who are having sex are trying to justify why they are doing and condemn those who don’t.

God is God, He created sex and He knows the best time to have it. When you have sex, you are creating a blood covenant with the other person. Like someone said above, its more than the transfer of fluids, its spiritual, its the way that you becomes one. Something that the bible actually calls a mystery.

Abeg, if I was in Bisi’s shoes, I will wait. I waited. If a man or a woman sees worth in the other person, why hurry. Won’t you marry and have sex for the rest of your lives and get tired of it.

The bible says it all. God is not a wicked God trying to keep good things from His children. He actually loves us and knows the best for us. Going against His will is saying that you know better. Do you know better than God. If you are having sex, you can decide to wait, cause you started doesn’t mean that you continue.

I quote 1 Cor 6: 16-20 from The Message version. Its says it all.

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body. ”

If you think “keeping yourself” for your wedding night is a passport for a successful home and a God-fearing man who will respect you then get ready for a rude awakening . It takes the grace of God to have a God fearing man and a perfect marriage because that is the whole basis why most cultures demand that a woman preserve herself for her husband, by discovering she is a virgin he will respect her more. I do not condone whoring around but i detest it when people turn to hypocrites when it comes to the issue of sex, cos even inside the house of God atrocities are been committed between the so-call brother’s and sisters right under the pastor’s nose and people keep it hush hush. Frankly,there is no time bracket for when a woman should sleep with a guy. I have heard of stories of people who had sex on the first date and today they are happily married with children( i guess chemistry was in place). What matters is that you are careful about whom you are getting involved with, that you dont sleep with a guy because he is placing you under any pressure (na ya bodi) and more importantly that you USE PROTECTION.

hmnnn.sex before marraige or after.interesting topic.Truth is some ladies lost their virginity out of naivity.probably dating some older guy who dey rily loved and wanted to please.one tin abt God is dat,He has given the Commandment and has also given us d ability to make choices,n once u realize dat all d tyms u made out you wronged him,u ask for forgiveness n ur past is wiped.I advice evry young lady,to make a choice on wat u want ur life to be,trusting God solely cos He wud neva fail.Sex beclouds ur judgements,and it doesnt make anyone love u more dan dey ought to.Its best for us to define how we want our future,work towards that.Dont initiate environments dat wud trigger d urge.wen u decide to get married and are ready make sure u v gotten ur life right with God in all areas n u’d get a partner dat fits in.Staying witout Sex or not doesnt make ur marraige fulfilling,Living right,retracing ur steps n trusting God always is what enables u meet dat right person,that would love u for hu u are n d sex wud b out of ds world#wink#

wow….hypocrites everywhere…..if you all are celibates or staying virgins, pls who are the ppl buying all the condoms are the supermarkets and all the contraceptives at the drugstores…..gosh.. nigerians, pls change.

honestly, there ARE still men out there who respect your decision to be celibate and who probably want to be celibate themselves… *contrary to popular belief*. the key my dear, is PATIENCE. you need to be PATIENT. Dont settle for less! if it is not something you want to do, then dont give in just because you feel as if you will never get a man. because trust me, you WILL get a man. Just be patient and never lower your standards. Once you do that, when you meet the man of your dreams.. and are married.. it will feel SO rewarding on your honey moon night! You are worth SO MUCH MORE than CHEAP SEX!!

SEX…very personal topic..i really have never seen this many comments here. My dear ladies we all know what is right in the eyes of God but we are human and sometimes its really hard to do the right thing. Just like Bisi i went off sex for 2years..u can’t begin to imagine the kind of men i have met in that time. When some dude i had started dating told me he was leaving me to marry his ex i fell off the wagon. What you need to ask urself is “how do i feel a few hours later?” if you are like me and you are consumed with guilt, then you need to close your legs. Besides you walk around thinking that not having sex or being a virgin has anything to do with landing yourself a good man..it goes waaaayyyy beyond that. Believe it or not men look beyond the things we think we have to offer. So what if you are a virgin? Good for YOU but that doesnt mean you are not a spoilt brat, bad cook, terrible mother, lazy bones etc. take the vow of celibacy for YOU not for any man. If you do it for the right reasons then you won’t consider breaking it till you are ready..whether that is before or after marriage. A confident man doesnt really care where you have been(as long as u ain’t a ho) as long as you love him right u’ll be fine. SEX is entirely personal.
visit: http://www.theheartofmen.wordpress.com

The Truth about Sex – I think the decision of whether or not to have sex or be celibate depends on your understand about the spiritual nature and consequence of having sex outside marriage.

Sex is a physical as well as a spiritual act which is why is intended to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage. As a woman when you get married and have sex, you have proclaimed in the spiritual that your husband is your spiritual head (it is sort of a spiritual covering). Sex outside marriage with different people means you have invited and allowed different kinds of spirits into your life, mind and body. These different spirits with different ideas etc then become your head fighting for a superior position – hence, the often confused state, thoughts and philosophies women sometimes find themselves in after sleeping with a man. Also when a women has sex outside marriage, she gives a part of her body and spirit to that person. And when he leaves, he takes a piece of her with him and she never gets it back (she becomes lost, confused and hurt). Ever wonder why a woman never forgets the men she has slept with? Because he is a part of her.

When you understand the spiritual truth about sex, you will appreciate why some people have decided to remain celibate. If you are a virgin, i praise you for your courage and strength. If you are not and understand how 2 minutes of passion, ok 5 minutes of passion will affect your life, you will only practise sex inside marriage as God intended. Just my 2 cents!!!

i wish I could just give u a very big hug right now……..u took it right out of my fingers, the ‘bestest’ n most sensible n reasonable comment, u truly have divulged the truth about sex. I wish everyone could scroll down n read this!

P.S – Ever notice that as married couples get older, they tend to look alike, its the bound of sex that they share. Two are truly becoming one. This only shows that there is indeed a transference of spirit when you have sex.

As a guy, I actually respect girls who are virgins. And I don’t judge girls who aren’t, we’re human and we’re bound to make mistakes. However, the non virgins here saying they’re not being judgmental and leaving biased comments are ironically being judgmental. “Being a virgin doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage”? Hello! Get real, marriages fold up not because you’re a virgin or not but for other pressing and perplexing issues. We guys like virgins, maybe not as girlfriends but certainly as wives. Girls that are non virgin’s who haven’t had too many Sexual partners, guys like too. So To you people saying you know virgins who didn’t have successful marriages, please.
Being a virgin for girls should be all about Dignity. They’re over 6 billion people in the world, if 3 million buy condoms, doesn’t mean they’re no virgins; stop with the ignorant comments.

From a Christian standpoint, it is what it is…sex outside of marriage is a sin in God’s sight.
1 Corinthians 6:16-20
“16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”[b] 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”
“18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality SINS AGAINST HIS OWN BODY. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in
you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

What this basically means is when you have sex before marriage you’re actually hurting your own self. This is the one sin that God says its actually against your own body. Sex is a spiritual thing, believe it or not. If you doubt me, think of someone you know who broke up with a person they slept with and how hard it was for them to get over such. You are bound, LITERALLY. You don’t want to become ONE with a whole bunch of people before you marry your spouse (this goes for both guys and girls). You’ll end up carrying loads of baggage with you. It WILL affect you, make no mistake about that. I know many people that are struggling with serious issues in their lives today because they have become “one” with many, thinking its purely physical but end up desperate for God’s deliverance and He’s always willing to do so.

Celibacy is a gift, people who are truly celibate don’t have any desire to get married like many of us so they simply can’t be bothered and their lives are dedicated to serving God. Its a common mistake people make with that word. So if you don’t want to have sex before marriage let it be because you want to be obedient to God as opposed to pushing yourself to the limit or testing other people you come across. When you honor God and decide to obey Him, He empowers you with grace (His ability) to keep His Word.

Sex is not a need! You won’t die like in the case of not having food or water. You can and should wait till marriage if you decide to obey God, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Who cares what the world says, I’m a living testimony and I refuse to be conformed to the status quo. God bless Y’all! #peculiarpeople.

i wish I could just give u a very big hug right now……..u took it right out of my fingers, the ‘bestest’ n most sensible n reasonable comment, u truly have divulged the truth about sex. I wish everyone could scroll down n read this!http://www.memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com

she is not being unrealistic. she can achieve what she desires. To me sex without love is just an excercise. You cant truly love in three weeks. There are really good guys out there who can wait till they say i do. All that is needed is DISCIPLINE

well spoken guys, believe me………… the longer u wait the better for u. even our children has started doing it, this the time we should educate our kids. we lack education whn it comes to sex issues, so if u want to do the rite nothing then u should start educating ur kids, so they don’t end up making same mistakes as u. we all need a good discipline as Amina said!

This is my take on it. Everyone has a valid point. Sex is such a touchy thing (no pun intended) that everyone needs to make the desicion of waiting (or not) on their own. I like the part where you said Eloka doesn’t believe that Bisi is a virgin. I get that same reactions from all my guy friends :). This was another well written article. Thanks for letting us in you life :).

i got disvirgined by my fiance some month to planning marriage after we both finish NYSC, and all d yrs i didnt allow him touch me all in d name of no sex before marriage and he still dump me and marry anoda girl……he said we are not compatible..how about dat peeps

i totally agree with Jennifer…sex is much more than just “sex”….it hinders a woman from facing reality and seeing those very minute things that should matter in a relationship. i and my boyfriend recently decided to stop sex and believe it or not, it feels soooo goood just being around him. we see things we hadn’t seen about each other before, we are getting to know each other to the point that we hide nothing from each other…he’s my bestfriend and i thank God that i met him. the reality though is that, we may never get married because am yoruba and he’s ibo but we have at least found a friendship that pleases God with each other that will last forever.

@Tunmise
Not trying to get or your nerves or ridicule you. I’m guessing you’re above 20. Why are you in a relationship that you’re sure there’s a possibility you might not eventually be together? I mean, in this case, you’re sure. It’ll seem like you’re washing your time. Spending years with someone is intense and hard to let go over if one doesn’t end up being together, talk more of a sexual relationship. I’m no way trying to belittle you as mentioned; just found your comment odd. But oh well, to each his own.

Forget tribal sentiments, am an Ibo woman and you guys should pray, I see two very mature young adults actually working out what a relationship should be, is it the guys family that is against your union, because the truth is that we Ibo’s can be frightfully meddlesome and is there someone in his family that really likes you, call your guy and let two of you talk to this person to be your champion and spokes person, get your pastor involved and let him talk to the resisiting parent(s).If it is your family then vice versa, since both of you love and care for each other, like I will always tell people close to me, love should be selfless and a very deep friendship.

Every thing good in this life is worth fighting for, am rooting for you guys, your man is actually leading in this relationship like a man should. I pray both of you marry, please fight for your love, I will put you in my prayers.

I think Bisi should wait, if a guy really loves you he will wait. I’ve been in that situation before. Relationships are not about sex (well except u are married then it becomes a major part of it) there is much more to relationships than sexual intercourse. If ur are having sex, after a while that is all what it becomes about. As for Eloka sexual immorality is sexual immorality if u wait 3 weeks or do it on the first day it doesn’t matter as long as u do it before marriage. Let’s not go with what we think is the norm, and think of what God really wants us do which is honor Him not our men, with our bodies.

Thes things i know has gone beyond waiting or not waiting. We all know the hard rule and no one should gloss over it. Take it for what it is.

If you think you’ll wait, how do u keep ur man who we know is driven by what he sees? The societal pressure on the men folk and that need to massage that ‘wantedness’ ego is always a driving force; so how do u manage that?

If you will not wait, how then do you contend with knowing if he is the one or not?

Whatever position we take, let’s realize that this is a battle and only the courageous, strong and determined and prayerful win it. Sex is a strong bond and i am really sad at how our generation has made it such a trivial issue.

I m 25yrs old. I have bn dating my fiance for 6yrs and we both remain virgins. We are getting married in few months and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It pays to wait, it might b tough bt on the long run u wil b fulfilled. As for those who are going celibate, its best for u to do so, u will get to enjoy sex with your husbands for a lifetime. On the other hand, the non virgins (for lack of a better word) who are non repentant should desist frm misleading others, if u cnt b celibate den b quiet pls instead of condemning others. Silence is golden!

waiting for the wedding night is one of the most difficult decisions a guy can make. it takes a considerable amount of self-discipline and determination, with a tremendous amount of love to boot. the question is, how many guys around these days can claim to have these qualities rolled into one? truth be told, you are asking for a one in a million guy, not that you cant get that, but i want to assure you that he is probably finding solace somewhere else. guys find it easy to be in a sexual relationship and not be committed and unfortunately there are girls out there are willing to live a lie. one who loves you enough may result in masturbating as against sleeping around. my point is, you should be willing to bear the cost of the sacrifice the guy is making by not sleeping with you. there are always consequences, and it may be good or bad, but more often than not the consequences are not usually palatable. unfortunately, and i wonder why, women are always at the receiving end.

I completely agree with Bisi, if you take sex out of plenty seeminly happy and loving relationships you will see that its only few, i mean really few will be left standing. and it is really hard i mean hard to find a guy who is also practicing celibacy so Bisi i totally understand where you are coming from (especially in the area of church guys #rollingmyeyes#). however be patient, the reward is when that guy finds you, you will be sure that he loves you for you and not becos he enjoys the sex you give him.

as for the scare of marrying a man who you havent slept with and wondering if he will be able to perform. LADIES, A man who is practicing celibacy isnt a piece of wood, just cos he say he wont have sex till he is married doesnt mean that you wont see him sometimes struggle with desiring YOU sexually. sometimes when you hug for long and you will feel his erection, and he wont want let you go. if you neva notice these things, ABEG RUN O!.

whats the fuss about sex anyway?As much as God says sex before marriage is a sin,every moral standing also frowns at it.Everyman to his own believe.For those that have had sex before marriage and are still having it,goodluck to you,And for those that are still virgins,goodluck finding a man that will appreciate ur obedience to God.Above all,sin is sin be it fornication or lying.Lets all work towards being better people so we can stand just before God and man…..my opinion.

I believe its right to wait after marriage. I advise all those who are still virgins to maintain their stance and those who have gone into it to repent and abstain. whatever the world turns into, the word of God still stands, and we all know what His stand is. Pls dear ladies, do not let any man pressurise u into having sex with him before marriage and we ladies should develop a shield for self control too because we all know its not easy but with Gd by ur side, U can do all things through Christ who strengthens U. Goodluck

Funny, i was in church the other day, and the ministration was about relationship/marriage. in the bible it was noted that sex is very tempting, and it also says that if u can not withstand the temptation then get married. in this day and age how much harder is it to avoid temptation and with relationships being as tough as it is, with everyone tryna be independent unlike the old days. how and why would someone wanna get married younger just so u can have sex…

The comments on this post are to be expected seeing as we are Nigerians, but I can’t help but go ‘really?’ It’s a bit strange because in the real world, people aren’t really waiting for marriage to have sex. I actually still used to think of Nigeria as a traditional society where sex before marriage was frowned upon and not that common. haha what a mumu I was.Maybe the comments from the anti-celibacy-pro-fornication team were deleted, or maybe you all are just a bunch of hypocrites.

I have managed to read most of the comments on this post (pretty much I must say) and felt compelled to add my own thoughts on this. I was of the school of thought to wait and fast forward to age 28 and unmarried, it became very difficult but …i still waited. Like most of us I always had the usual thoughts like…’What if we are not sexually compatible?, What is we don’t satisfy each other? and so on. I have now been married for 3 years and my husband was my first! The whole sex thing is not just an act, its emotional, physical and spiritual… no wonder God says and two shall become ONE! Like many other things you grow and learn with sex, you explore and discover how to best satisfy each other, you communicate you needs and desires and work at meeting your spouses needs and desires as well! It is definitely well worth the wait. If our generation continues in ‘giving it up without much thought’ what are we going to preach to our children? I once read a book about a mother who was teaching her children about Abstinence and one of her daughters asked her the dreaded question.. “where you a virgin when you married dad?” With a regretful heart she said NO but went on to explain how she regretted her decision then and how she will not want her children to make the same mistakes she made. A man should love and value you irrespective of the sexual bit as someone rightly said earlier its ‘the icing on the cake’ and you are my dears ‘the ever so delicious cake’.

my take on this is that, if you want to “do”, then DO…..whats the point waiting 3 months into a relationship, meanwhile once it crosses that “set targeted time” you become worse than a nympo….just apply a sense of moderation to what ever you do…..Definately not gona go all preachy on any1 up in here, cos no man is righteous…..like a pastor friend of mine used to say….if you want to sin,sin welll! if you want to be be,BE GOOD! there are no “in btws”….if you know that you allow sex in your relationship,then so be it…..and if you dont, den dont go near it!
PB

wow….interesting topic………hmmmmm,okay for me its been this way,i ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6yrs and we had been vin sex for 4yrs out of d 6yrs, but about 2yrs ago,i made up my mind that i didnt want to ve sex again,nt bcos it wasnt enjoyable bt because i know understood the spiritualty that is invovled,making d decision was quite difficullt cos i did not seek his consent prior to making up my mind and also its reali nt easy to fight temptations..Well i told him and initially he thot it was all a jke n i would change my mind but after ots of pressure and i still didnt change my mind,he called me and asked me is that how i reali want things to be,and i said yes ,no sex until after marriage and that day he cried and told me he will do same cos he loves me.For me i ve come to understand that a guy that loves u will love u,sex or no sex,n d fact dt u r nt vin sex would nt even push him to cheat cos its u n u alone he desires.There still very many good guys out there that truly love n respect ur decision and once they know you are been sincere with them they would also be sincere with you.Its been 2yrs since we had sex last…..cant wait for the day we get married cos that nite,wil be so different,he would know he is now just getting the real deal.*wink*. So ladies its all about choices if you are comfortable with having sex no problem and if not no problem,always follow your ur heart and neva get pressurized into doing things you will rather not be proud of….By the way i found out that most ladies have sex in relationships cos they think dts wt everyone does……so wrong u reali need to know that so many girls lie just to feel important or hard d truth is that they have not even seen a mans *…….* (lol). Its now that i found out that alot of my friends that i thot were doin it ,ve nt even tried lol……And if any guy dumps u for abstaining for sex,jst let him tk a walk he never reali loved you.There is more to a relationship dn sex……..though i miss it (covering my face) bt am happie i tuk the decision i did and my baby has been supportive…..

wow….interesting topic………hmmmmm,okay for me its been this way,i ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6yrs and we had been vin sex for 4yrs out of d 6yrs, but about 2yrs ago,i made up my mind that i didnt want to ve sex again,nt bcos it wasnt enjoyable bt because i know understand the spiritualty that is involved,making d decision was quite difficullt cos i did not seek his consent prior to making up my mind and also its reali nt easy to fight temptations..Well i told him and initially he thot it was all a joke n i would change my mind but after lots of pressure and i still didnt change my mind,he called me and asked me is that how i reali want things to be,and i said yes ,no sex until after marriage and that day he cried and told me he will do same cos he loves me.For me i ve come to understand that a guy that loves u will love u,sex or no sex,n d fact dt u r nt vin sex would nt even push him to cheat cos its u n u alone he desires.There still very many good guys out there that truly love n respect ur decision and once they know you are been sincere with them they would also be sincere with you.Its been 2yrs since we had sex last…..cant wait for the day we get married cos that nite,wil be so different,he would know he is now just getting the real deal.*wink*. So ladies its all about choices if you are comfortable with having sex no problem and if not no problem,always follow your ur heart and neva get pressurized into doing things you will rather not be proud of….By the way i found out that most ladies have sex in relationships cos they think dts wt everyone does……so wrong u reali need to know that so many girls lie just to feel important or hard d truth is that they have not even seen a mans *…….* (lol). Its now that i found out that alot of my friends that i thot were doin it ,ve nt even tried lol……And if any guy dumps u for abstaining for sex,jst let him tk a walk he never reali loved you.There is more to a relationship dn sex……..though i miss it (covering my face) bt am happie i tuk the decision i did and my baby has been supportive…..

i would advice any woman to wait till marriage. trust me its stressless. you dont have to calculate safe periods and be afraid of getting pregnant. and besides its a commandment we have to keep. am married but but before i had sex i was 25 yrs old and i did it with only my husband. though we were not married at the time but we had been together a long time like 4 yrs and he never asked for it for once, the day it happened it just happened. he was happy he was my first and he values that fact. he is my first and last.but another person could try that and it might end badly. so to avoid unknown trouble pls wait. i dont have any regrets after i did it. because we were best friends already. and we were preparing for marriage. this is just my experience it might not work for you. if i have a daughter , i will do my best and make sure she waits. its pays

Why is sex in this part of the world a woman’s responsibility, men are called champions and hailed as studs if they are promiscous, but a woman is labeled a slut if she behaves alike, sexual responsibility should be handled by both sexes and sex outside marraige is fornication period. I ended a relationship because the guy blantantly told me he does see any thing wrong with adultery that he will marry me and still be sleeping around oh boy I walked.

Most people here have not heard about the world soul tie, when you sleep with someone you pick up there emotional, psychologoical and sprititual traces and I bet you woe betide who so ever has sex with someone with serious issues, I mean spiritual issues, have you ever wondered why suddenly a friend of yours it could be a guy, adopt a different mannerisn once he starts sleeping with a particular girl it alsohappens to women too.

If you watch closely these things are true. Even the person one marries, one should be careful, sleeping around and being sexually impulsive I bet you will land one in hot water if one is not careful.

There is so much immorality these days that I begin to wonder if we have become crazy. Then there is the scourge of hiv/aids, am practicing siddon look these days because I have not seen or heard about someone who has died from not having sex.

If one is not married find something engaging and worthy and do with your time and for those here who said they will educate their daughters on the merits of waiting, abstinence before marraige should please educate their sons too.

It is a very warped way of thinking when a daughter of a man understands the dangers of promiscuity and then the son is a randy dog.

Hu Tunmise,Forget tribal sentiments, am an Ibo woman and you guys should pray, I see two very mature young adults actually working out what a relationship should be, is it the guys family that is against your union, because the truth is that we Ibo’s can be frightfully meddlesome and is there someone in his family that really likes you, call your guy and let two of you talk to this person to be your champion and spokes person, get your pastor involved and let him talk to the resisiting parent(s).If it is your family then vice versa, since both of you love and care for each other, like I will always tell people close to me, love should be selfless and a very deep friendship.

Every thing good in this life is worth fighting for, am rooting for you guys, your man is actually leading in this relationship like a man should. I pray both of you marry, please fight for your love, I will put you in my prayers.

My greatest desire would be to marry that guy who loves me deeeply and is also willingly to wait till marriage before we enjoy sex cos that is where God meant it to be enjoyed. God is a merciful God, if u have made the mistake of engageing in sex before now, ask for forgiveness and vow not to again with the help of the Holy Spirit. He will be glad to help u. God’s word cannot be questioned!!!!!!!