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Trailer Talk: “Fifty Shades Of Grey”

I have not read “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” I do not want to read “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” And I think a movie adaptation of “Fifty Shades Of Grey” that isn’t X-Rated is ridiculous.

While I may not have read the best-selling novel, I know enough about it. I know that the first draft of “Fifty Shades Of Grey” was just “Twilight” fan fiction. I know that “Fifty Shades Of Grey” is essentially soft core porn that includes a lot of sex using Vibrators Adult Toys with a flimsy excuse for a story to only serve as a vehicle to get to the sexy stuff.

And it baffles me that this would get to become a best-selling novel and become a cultural phenomenon. Especially with the abundance of porn on the internet, you’d think that novels about sex would have taken a dip in sales.

But, maybe it is because some people prefer that kind of stuff in written form, thus leaving much of it to the imagination. If that’s the case, then what’s the point of turning it into a movie, where nothing is left to the imagination?

If it were a porno, then I’d understand. But by making it an R-rated film and giving it a Hollywood-sized budget, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Well, maybe not financial failure, but certainly a storytelling and filmmaking failure.

Starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, and directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, this is “Fifty Shades Of Grey.”

Let me make this clear: There is nothing wrong with liking “Fifty Shades Of Grey” or even soft core porn. But there is a time and place for that, and works like “Fifty Shades Of Grey” should show that time and place. If the most lasting reputation of your novel is the pornography, then the same should be reflected in your movie adaptation.

However, something like that cannot be done effectively without it becoming a porno. When you try to mix a young adult Hollywood relationship, like those seen in “The Faults In Our Stars,” “The Notebook” and even the “Twilight” films, with sexy time, I honestly don’t know what you get.

I can say that I do not know what to expect from this film. Is it going to be more about the relationship between the characters, or about the sex? Will it fall into many of the other romance clichés and tropes or will it give the audience exactly what they got in the book?

In any case, I have no interest in seeing this film. If I want a sappy romance, there are several landfills full of those types of movies. If I want soft core BDSM porn, though I can’t imagine why I would, that’s what the internet is for. Google can solve many life problems now.

I don’t see “Fifty Shades of Grey” offering anything new or interesting. Just an excuse to cash in on the popularity of the novels.