Enneagram 6 and 4 relationship contract

Enneagram Types in Relationships. ONES Do your share of responsibilities and follow through on agreements you have made. Work together on common goals; this gives them energy for the relationship. . In Relationship with a Six?. Subtypes have been linked to successful relationships based on deep self (and For example, a “Warmth Six” may have an easier connection with a Self Pres influence of largely unconscious agreements about what is possible, or what is. 1 | Page. Enneagram Love Relationships. Contents. Type 1. .. The Six can even feel set up by the Two to be the vehicle for their personal ambition. Already .

Self-control, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, practicality, industry, attention to detail and ordinary life tasks. Become more grounded in the present. Hear and even welcome negative feedback. Maintain a healthy pleasure orientation and encourage the Perfectionist to embrace more pleasure. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Protectors often join together in pursuing causes related to fairness, justice and shared interests.

However, conflict arises over their considerable opposite tendencies. When this interaction becomes polarized, it can lead to entrenchment, angry outbursts, withdrawal, and eventual destruction of the relationship. What To Appreciate In Protectors. Strength, leadership, decisiveness, directness, exuberance for life, pursuit of truth, generosity. Become more spontaneous and appreciate this in the Protector. Develop genuine flexibility, not just flexibility based on an internal standard.

Stand firm regarding core values. Express your own desires and needs. Develop comfort in expressing anger. Recognize and work with the polarity in the two types. A tendency toward excess, going from impulse to action, an all-or-nothing style of attending my way or the highway stanceinsensitivity regarding impact on others. What To Appreciate In Perfectionists.

Subtypes in Relationship - Enneagram Monthly

Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, striving for improvement, industry, fairness, attention to detail. Practice moderating impulsivity and impact. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Mediators often join together in attending to detail and leading an orderly, steady life.

Mediators, however, can feel criticized and prodded instead of encouraged by Perfectionists. As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior. In attempting to please, they over-accommodate and build up stubborn resistance that annoys and frustrates Perfectionists. A cycle of escalating conflict can follow, leading to further prodding of the Mediator, which creates a power struggle: This pattern is compounded since both types have difficulty knowing their real needs and desires.

Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy. To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences.

Develop flexibility and patience. Supportive structure, clarity, industry and effort, conscientiousness, improvement and fairness in orientation. Pick up your own pace. Take positions and make initiatives. Face anger and conflict. Type 2, the Giver, with Another Type 2 Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers join together in valuing a focus on relationships and in appreciating the nurturing quality and sensitivity to feelings in each other.

Having little awareness of their own needs, however, they may become overly solicitous with each other, compete for approval, and feel unappreciated, unfulfilled, and ironically unconnected. Failure to get into the natural flow of giving and receiving, can lead to emotional upset and to who is dependent on whom. Ultimately hurt feelings may then ensue leading to angry, emotional outbursts and ultimately to withdrawal or rejection. There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship.

Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval. What to Appreciate in Other Givers. Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings. Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same.

Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving. Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention. A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work.

This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship. Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations. Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force. Directly express own needs and desires.

Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment. Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image. Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others.

Balance goal and relationship orientations.

Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs. They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention.

Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally. Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction.

Express own desires and needs. Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present. Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive.

Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility. Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide. This relationship is truly an attraction of opposites.

However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact. Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages.

Angry outbursts, alienation, and even disruption of the relationship can ensue. Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self.

Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection. Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus.

Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance. Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention.

A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional.

Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress. Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions. Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance.

Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired. Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life. However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take.

Givers can then feel neglected and unappreciated and become emotional, demanding, and guilt provoking. Epicures, on the other hand, can find Givers overly focused on others, intrusive, and too needy of attention. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can occur as the Epicure, feeling smothered and limited, can respond with escapism and rationalization and the Giver with angry outbursts and emotionality, possibly resulting in alienation and deterioration and even destruction of the relationship.

Disowned needs and desires, preoccupation with relationship and connection, and tendency to become inadvertently emotionally controlling. The many interests and ideas, healthy self-interest, idealism, flexibility, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Develop autonomy the separate or independent self. Work on providing the Epicure with space while maintaining connection. Express own deeper feelings, needs, and desires.

Allow for slowing pace and increasing receptive force. Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas. Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries.

Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger. Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship.

Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors. What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs.

Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling. Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating.

But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.

When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy.

Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals.

They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship.

Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force.

Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship.

Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship. This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth.

Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship. Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered. Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient.

Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.

As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings. They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners.

Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged. Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings.

Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace. Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm. Practice staying engaged and connected. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level. Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings. Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis.

When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action.

The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust. This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement.

Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors. Practice expressing own true feelings.

Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements.

Practice trusting in plausible positive actions. Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge. Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced.

This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both. If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve. Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise. Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. First, the inadequacy of the language is evident practically any time the Passions are presented. Enneagram authors and teachers typically reframe the traditional Passions to better describe them.

Certainly, when the Passions are overused as egoic coping mechanisms, they quickly become addictions, and in addiction sin can be present. During one of their discussions, Ichazo expressed his curiosity about the dogmatic inflexibility of people who rigidly use his traditional terms for the Passions without reflecting on the meaning behind the words. Considering he was working in his second language to portray such a profound teaching, Ichazo mentioned to Goldberg that the English translation for some of the terms used with the Passions was insufficient, only an impression of what was meant by the substance of the Passions.

Like a fractal that shows a naturally occurring infinite pattern replicated in a feedback loop, the hidden dimensions of the Enneagram come forward through its triads.

The harder you focus your attention to see the 3D picture emerge, the more difficult it is to see it. You have to unfocus or relax your gaze to allow the embedded image to be revealed. Focusing on the shape of the Passions only gives them more power.

This helps us own them, integrate them, and make peace with them—finding the humor in the humility of our humanity. I elect to scrutinize the Passions through the lens of the Intelligence Centers since our Center is our primary mode of perceiving ourselves in reality.