Category: Culture

Often in my work, I hear stories of those who have fallen to unfaithfulness. In a four part series, I will be writing about some different aspects of infidelity: the statistics, the motivations behind an affair, the consequences of having an affair, and finally, ways to protect your marriage. I would love to hear your stories in how you have helped someone, how you have protected your marriage, or how you have been impacted because of unfaithfulness.

Some of the Statistics

First, in a recent Barna study, 4 out of 10 Americans believe that infidelity is morally acceptable. For Christians, that number was 1 out of 10. Perhaps this is the reason unfaithfulness is on the rise.

When reading research about those who have affairs, the statistics can vary greatly. Most researchers come to this general conclusion:

That over a third of married men will cheat on their wives;

That nearly a quarter of all married women will cheat on their husbands;

And that more than 50% of all marriages will be impacted by one of the spouses being unfaithful. Grim statistics if you think about them.

Here are some other interesting facts that we know:

Back in the 1960’s, it was usually the husband who was unfaithful. Today, researchers are finding that women are just as likely as men to have an affair.

Here is some more interesting data (Lampe, 2000):

10% – “One night stands”

10% – The affair lasts no more than a month

50% – The affair lasts more than a month, less than a year

40% – The affair lasts two or more years

Perhaps you are thinking, “This can’t be a problem in the church. Certainly the moral standards of Christians are higher.” There is growing evidence that infidelity is also a tremendous problem in Christian circles. While the research was done almost twenty years ago, one of the latest viable studies showed that 45 percent of Christians indicate having done something sexually inappropriate, and 23 percent were unfaithful (Anderson, 2000). These older numbers are not encouraging and are most likely higher now.

Here is maybe the most important statistic—a recent University of Chicago study discovered that a third of all marriages end in divorce because of an affair. A summary of this study: if you have an affair, it is likely you will lose your marriage.

It is vital that we understand how infidelity happens and effects individuals, marriages and families. Countless times I have sat with couples or individuals who been swayed into being unfaithful to their spouse and then have to face the ramifications of those choices.

And I am not immune; in my own life, I have experienced this same struggle and temptation. I too am bombarded by the message of my culture, “You are your own. You don’t have to answer to anyone. Go ahead…No one will know.” While I have been faithful up to this point in my marriage, I know that without being intentional in protecting my marriage, I also could just become another statistic.