January, I Really Wish I Liked You

I must confess, I really have never been a fan of the month of January. Of all twelve months, this one in particular stands out as one that I simply cannot wrap my arms around and give a big squeeze. We need to have a few words…

January,

You are not dear to me, so you do not get a “Dear January” as I begin this rant, er, I mean, letter. To me you are the longest, coldest, dreariest month of the year. You begin on a day that I have stayed up much too late the night before, and I am bone tired on the first day of you. Every. Single. Year.

Sickness is your companion, January. Colds, coughs, flu are all best friends with you, and I am stuck inside, lonely, avoiding sickness as best as I am able.

I cannot even enjoy two consecutive days of sunshine with you around. You are hoarder of cloudy days where I live, more than 70% of you is overcast, and that makes me a mighty irritated person – you Vitamin D depleter!

Oh, and thanks for all the cold, sleet, snow, and wind, too. You are much longer than your thirty-one days with weather like this.

My cheerful Christmas decorations all come down on your guard, and my home looks plain and unadorned, as I refuse to decorate for Valentine’s Day until February.

And all those awesome Christmas gifts I bought come back to bite me on my credit card statements that you so graciously deliver early in your tenure.

And those thoughtful resolutions I made prior to your arrival to be better and do better? Well, they slowly fall apart under your smarmy gaze.

All that indulging in delicious holiday food manifests itself when your name appears on my brand new calendar: on my belly, my hips, my thighs.

January, you are where professional football goes to die each year because my team isn’t quite there yet.

The only thing I like about you January is the fact that we have some birthdays to celebrate when you’re around; the only bright oasis in a desolate winter tundra.

Now February, I await for your arrival like a romantic date with my beloved, with your short weeks, vacation time, and dynamic holidays.