“I just decided to just Google what the Bible says about vaccinations…”

Guess what. Vaccines are not part of the Christian creator’s divine plan for the universe. We know this because they are not mentioned — anywhere — in the Christian Bible. So says this lady, as reported by this website.

To quote:

I just decided to just Google what the Bible says about vaccinations. There’s NOTHING in the Bible that talks about vaccines.

So, I just want you guys to think about that. So, if God knew in the future that he was going to help create these amazing things that were going to just change our health and be the best, you know, scientific advancement, it’s just, oh my gosh they’re so great, like, why isn’t there anything, any inkling of talk about these things called vaccinations coming into being later to save people? If that was really God’s plan and they’re so amazing, then why isn’t it in there at all?

Maybe there’s a chapter where they talk about somethinglike an injection, this ‘health injection’, right? Like, why didn’t God talk about that, if he knew it was going to come and save the world?

Good point well made. (But I have a question: what does your Bible say about Google? Should you really be dabbling is such dark internet-based arts?)

There. That’s told you. If you are one of the majority who “believe in vaccines”, then according to our correspondent, you have nothing less than a disordered mind. You are insane.

However, if you believe that an invisible-man-in-the-sky-who-hates-gays once wrote a book predicting all the good things that would ever be invented well, then, your mind is just fine. You don’t have to worry. You don’t have a disorder.

So, then, while I have your non-disordered attention, what do you think about guns? Guns are good, aren’t they? Are guns mentioned in the Bible? Where does God stand on the second amendment?

It turns out that, yes, as well as being anti-vaccination, God is also pro-gun!

Earlier this week, this man told us that owning a machine gun is a core tenet of “the Christian faith” and that going gunless makes you a heathen:

…you must have the means of self-defense. And in our society today, that means a firearm in the similitude of an AR-15…That is a biblical requirement…if you are not prepared to defend your family and your neighborhood and your community with the force of arms, you have denied the Christian faith and you are worse than a heathen.

[Correction: it makes you worse than a heathen.]

And just yesterday this man told us that Jesus himself was an advocate for personal gun ownership:

He also turned to Luke 11:21, which reads, “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe.”

“Think about that. There’s Jesus advocating for the Second Amendment, the right to keep and bear arms, to defend your own house, to keep your possessions, not to mention your wife, your children, to keep them safe,” Barber said.