Thursday, July 16, 2015

I used to believe that spiders were proof that evil exists in the world; that spiders themselves were the embodiment of pure evil.

I was so very wrong.

Spiders are, in fact, merely the over worked minions of their terrible overlords: scorpions!

The overlords of terror, pain, and death have set up shop on the farm, have attacked me twice in bed resulting in 3 stings (no one else, just me, figures), and are proving difficult to evict.

We took a trip to California the week before last to watch my step-daughter graduate and visit with family. The night after we got back, a scorpion viciously attacked me in bed while I was reading, and stung me on the arm just above my elbow. The next day we set off foggers to evict all things creepy crawly, and I felt a bit safer. But not for long.

A week later, I was sound asleep in bed when, once again, I was viciously set upon by the commanding officer of pain, Overlord of Terror, Ser Scorpion Sonabitchshit himself! It was CRAWLING ON ME! I still taste bile in the back of my throat when I think of it. And when I shooed it off of me, not knowing fully that I was actively TOUCHING evil incarnate being mostly asleep, it stung my hand! I then became vaguely aware of immense pain on my thigh- I have no idea when it stung me there, but man it was painful! An inch higher and I would've reported him to the cops!

The next day, another one in the hall that I barely missed stepping on. They're the same color as the wood floors, so it's pretty dangerous. I got some UV flash lights at Wal-Mart, so now before bed I search the room. It is literally littered with bodies of scorpions. Apparently the foggers killed the ones that were already in, laying in wait to attack me in bed one by one, but the line apparently stretched out the door, and they're still coming!

Someone please remind me why I thought moving to the country was a good idea. The poison has reached my brain and I can no longer think clearly.