Written by a practitioner of mathematics, philosophy, taiji, gluten-free cooking, chant, meditation, gardening, and renovation, with no particular end in mind. Were there an end, it would come too soon, and the Path would cease to Wander.

15 December 2005

*sighs* Last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep, the phone rang. It was my mom: Grandma had fallen (she'd tried to sit down in a chair with wheels and it rolled out from under her) and Mom couldn't get her up off the floor. I hurriedly put a few more clothes on and drove over there. I can't remember ever seeing my grandma cry before. She was just...horrified and depressed that she was so helpless. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten her off the floor on my own, and with Mom's help it was no challenge at all. Physically, she wasn't hurt. Emotionally...well...

So I did a stupid thing. I opened myself up as a channel for her emotional distress; taking up the overflow, as it were. It's the kind of thing I do instinctively when someone else is in pain, only now I'm aware enough to realize when I've done it. It did seem to help her calm down, but it left me with a huge overflow of negative emotion. I thought I had grounded it out last night, but I woke up this morning and was extremely cold. When I did my usual morning meditation, I discovered that the inner portion of my aura was a pale, sky blue (it's usually yellow). [If you don't believe in auras, then translate that to 'my synesthetic perception of my inner state was pale blue'] Anyway, several cleansing exercises later and I was starting to warm up, and the yellow was starting to show through again. Several rounds of the taiji form helped even more. So I think I'm back to "normal" now, for a given value of "normal," anyway.

[Just a sidenote: emotions are primarily energy, i.e. qi. The more I practice taiji, the more aware I become of the energetic component of emotion. Just as I can borrow qi from an opponent in push-hands, I can channel emotional qi from someone in distress; at least, if that person allows me to. But if you think about how good and bad moods are "infectious," you may have an idea how this would work. If you just think I'm insane...*shrugs*...honestly, I don't blame you, but such is life.]