Month: June 2016

My mind is literally in a thousand places all at once. Producing a clear thought has been nearly impossible for me. My mind is so loaded up with activity that I feel like my head is going to explode. Between having a baby on the way, trying to get my first car, huge disputes within my family, work and starting a new project that I feel as though the Lord is willing me toward, I haven’t the slightest clue what to place my focus on. I have never been so troubled in my life as far as focusing is concerned. I lay down at night and close my eyes for several hours but it feels like I haven’t actually slept in days. My life is like a whirlwind right now and there are so many reasons for me to panic and worry but instead I choose to keep my faith in God. If it were not for the word of God (which I’m barely able to focus on right now), I would be extremely burdened, but the Most High has comforted me with a bible verse each day to keep me on track and to help me to understand that my life is spiraling INcontrol not out of control.

The Icing on the cake was when my wife said to me today “obstacles are put in the way to build character” and she told me always to remember, Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.”and she summed it all up with “Do your best and let God do the rest, and to frog it ASAP through life (Fully Rely On God, always say a prayer)” If there was ever any doubt that God speaks through people, it would be put to rest after that. I hope my wife’s advice to me through my struggle can help whoever is reading this right now.

My wife an I are so incredibly close! Over the years we grew closer to one another and more importantly closer to God. We were always inseparable, but instead of people seeing how in love we were all they could say is, “don’t you feel like you need some space?” or, “you two really need to spend some time apart, its not healthy to spend that much time with one person.” It really used to annoy me when people would say things like that, but I would listen despite my disdain toward the concept. This led me to make a lot of mistakes and almost kept me from the beautiful marriage I have today.

I’m a block away from home with a suitcase in my hand and a big smile on my face, “finally I’m home after an amazing vacation with my wife’s family.” This is the very thought that ran through my mind when suddenly my eyes began to burn. I can taste the potent and bitter taste of it before I can tell what “it” is. “Weed” I say out loud followed by a huge sigh and a head nod. That’s when I remembered, “She’s still here.”