#1: Feeling flattered Author: Artorias, Location: ChicagoPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 10:44 pm — "Artorias the Abysswalker, meanwhile, is like one of those cheap pansexual nymphs you face at the end of Street Fighter games. The ones that spam the same super mega hyper combo until you're cowering in the corner waiting for the continue screen to pop back up. All of his attacks involve hurtling himself and his gigantic compensating sword directly at your face, leaving only a split-second window to stop, drop, and roll yourself to safety. Though, to be fair, when you figure out that his shadowy burst attack is actually a Super Saiyan power-up move that you can interrupt, the fight becomes manageable. But excuse me for not realizing I'm supposed to run toward him when he's about to jizz dark energy all over me."

This is a description by an unknown gaming website of the Dark Souls boss called Artorias, my namesake. Oddly enough, this would also suffice as a description of myself. Tater can attest to that.