Him: "Hi, Sweet, how was
your day?"Me: "It was pretty good. I went to
see... Him: "It looks like it's going to
rain tonight. Did you put your Jeep top up?"Me: "No, not yet."Him: "Well, you better get it done.
So how was your day?"Me: "I had a great meeting with...Him: "Hey, you know what happened
to me today? I talked to my buddy Kenny and he said that
he and his wife.....

Get the picture? Now, when we first
started dating, this man hung on my every word. He adored
me, and listened to me when I was happy, or sad, or
grumpy. Now I can't get a word in edgewise! He used to
come over and cut my grass, wax my Jeep, fix my light
socket, whatever. Now I get this:

Him: "I'll come
over and cut the grass."Me: "You don't have to do that. I
can get it."Him: "No, I'll do it. I can get it
tomorrow."Me: "You don't have to,
though."Him: "But I will."

A week later, do you think that grass
has been cut? Ha! So I proceed to cut the grass, and he
fusses at me! "Why did you do that? I said I'd cut
the grass!" Well, yeah, but in the meantime I have
Axl Rose in my yard singing "Welcome To The
Jungle." So this week, he promises he will cut the
grass. So I wait. And he calls, and says "Hey Sweet,
I'll be over at 6:00 to cut the grass and in return you
have to cook me a delicious meal!" Fair enough,
deal. So 6:00 rolls around and no Greg. The clock strikes
7:00 and still no Greg. Finally at 8:45 I get a call from
him, "I'm on my way over. Do you want me to pick
anything up?" Many smart remarks, including cuss
words, are running through my mind at this point about
what precisely I'd like him to pick up.

And he can't figure out why this
irritates me. Now, I'm not new to this marriage, or
sorta-marriage, thing. I was married for nine years to my
children's father. I guess I'd just forgotten how this
thing works. Greg has reminded me. He calls me in to
watch a particular program on TV, then, when I start
getting interested, he channel surfs. I'm cooking dinner,
he calls me in to see what the kittens are doing. I come
look, we coo a bit, then he turns to me and says,
"When's dinner going to be ready? "He says,
"Sweet, where are my purple sleep-shorts?" He
talks to me when I'm on the phone with a friend, or
worse, he talks to the friend through me. He looks over
my shoulder while I'm reading and says, "Whatcha
reading?" When I'm grouchy, he asks me, "Is it
your time of the month?" Aaaarrrrgh!

Why do I keep him? The same reason any
woman keeps an annoying man around. He dances with me -
sometimes, for no reason, he'll twirl me around the
livingroom. He sends flowers - big bouquets of roses with
the thorns removed, from the florist, not the ones from
the Quickie Mart. He has a great sense of humor - he can
tease me out of a bad mood. He's a great father to my
children - takes my son out to shoot model rockets and
takes my daughter to the mall. He has big brown puppy dog
eyes - they look like melted Hershey bars. He rides a
Harley and doesn't get too upset when I call my helmet a
"hat." And he has wonderful parents, my future
in-laws, that I thank God for every night, because they
raised the beautiful man who will be my husband. Except
the nights I'm irritated with him.