Saturday, July 9, 2011

Love is in the Air

From the people who brought us the indescribably (though I did try) stupid, pointless and utterly inane "It's a big deal, this boat" featuring a bitter, mouthy shut-in and her squatting toad of a husband, another "don't try to figure out what this has to do with insurance, we are so twisted and sad we think this is funny" slice of life. Awesome.

I'm sure someone out there can explain to me why this ad is supposed to be even remotely amusing- I Really Hope The Plane Just Crashes Dad, sitting at the airport surrounded by his unruly, jackass spawn, mutters something about how he can't imagine wanting to spend more time with the little creatures who live in his house and are apparently related to him. Clearly every moment spent with these People Who Share My DNA Doesn't Mean We Are Close Or Anything is pure agony. We can see the last of this guy's soul just oozing out of his body as he contemplates the bizarre actions of his neighbors, who actually seem to (gasp) ENJOY being with their kids, even to the point of being willing to drive across the country with them. The thought is absolutely horrifying to this man.

"We'd kill each other" he deadpans. Yes, and that would be a loss to whom, exactly? You sure look like you are ready to die. Your kids look like chips off the old block- disconnected little runts who have long since given up any hope of getting even the smallest amount of actual affection from you, dad, and are instead taking solace in the electronic devices you've tried to placate them with.

This is an ad for an insurance company that "understands the way you live." Ugh, really? So this commercial, and the one featuring "this boat," are supposed to be compelling because they cut through the happy happy joy joy BS that dominates most ads and shows people as they actually are? Well, ok, I'll give them that- I've been in enough airports to know that this is a pretty common sight. But that doesn't mean I find this level of sadness and despair (again, presented as somehow amusing) compelling or even slightly entertaining. I sure as hell don't find it funny.

Tell you what, guys: Show you really understand me by producing an ad explaining why I should buy your f--ing insurance, and spare me the "We understand you- you are a very sad person surrounded by very sad people, in a very sad situation which for some reason you want to protect from disaster, although let's face it, a disaster which shatters this reality would actually be quite welcome." Stop showing me people who really ought to be warmly contemplating the sweet embrace of the grave, and financially screwing over the would-be legatees who made existence a living hell. Because this stuff is just depressing.

(BTW, where's Mom in this ad? Hey Bitter, Soulless Dad- it doesn't take that long to get a latte at Starbucks. I think Mom's made a run for it!)