10 ways to support your child’s vocation

Fr. Christopher P. Christensen blesses his parents, Pete and Maryanne, following his ordination to the priesthood last June. Parents — through example, prayers and support — can play a special role in their children’s vocational discernment.

When your child is young, pray with him or her for vocations. Make it personal by including a specific priest or seminarian by name. A poster and a list of Arlington diocesan seminarians are available through the Vocations Office, 703/841-2514.

If you have been blessed with little ones, you no doubt have
spent more than a few hours thinking, worrying and praying
about their future. Will they be able to endure the small
bruises and bigger heartaches life tosses at them? Will they
keep their faith, uncover their talents and find joy in
sharing them?

Amid the mix of parenting worries and prayers, your child's
future vocation might not make an appearance. Yet through
example, spiritual aid and unconditional love, parents can
play a powerful role in their children's vocational
discernment.

Here are five suggestions to cultivate an openness to a
religious vocation in your children and five ways to support
them if they choose the religious life.

While they're young

1) Give them "shoulder time" with priests, nuns

"Discernment happens by contact with priests and with
sisters," said Father Joel D. Jaffe, Arlington diocesan
vocations director. "Children need to see vocations lived
out." A few of his suggestions: Invite a sister or a priest
over for dinner, help out at a convent raking leaves, or
volunteer with a local Missionaries of Charity soup kitchen
or AIDS shelter. Expose children to vocations by giving them
"shoulder time" with nuns and priests, he said.

2) Don't be pushy

Keep a religious vocation as a possibility, but do not push
them one way or another, said Father Jaffe. Just as you
shouldn't shove your child into a career as a doctor or a
lawyer, so you shouldn't be pushy with a vocation.

3) Teach them to pray by example

Father Jaffe said to teach children to seek "clarity in what
God wants for their lives." Help them learn to ask for ways
they can use their gifts to "bring God's love and goodwill
into the world." And be sure to pray regularly as a family.

4) Share vocation stories

Tell them like you would a love story. Check out the Knights
of Columbus' Columbia magazine, or look under "vocation
stories" on religious order websites.

5) Pray together for vocations, religious

Pray daily with your children for a specific person by name -
your pastor, Arlington Bishop Paul S. Loverde or a local
seminarian (you can obtain a poster or list of diocesan
seminarians from the Vocations Office).

While they're discerning

1) Listen

"Listen to what they are going through," said Father Jaffe.
The discernment processes can be difficult; encourage them by
"helping them see their strengths and weaknesses." Remind
them that discernment does not end when they enter formation.
Even if they decide against a religious vocation, their time
spent in seminary or a convent is "not a failure and not
wasted time," he said. "They leave with graces and talents
they didn't have before."

2) See it for the good it is

The religious life might not have been what you dreamed of
for your child, but it's important to appreciate the beauty
of his or her choice and "see it for the good it is," said
Father Jaffe, adding that "you can be proud that you raised a
child" who has embraced this special path.

3) Don't let your plans or aspirations get in the way

Meredith Hinkle, mother of recently ordained Father James C.
Hinkle, parochial vicar of St. Theresa Church in Ashburn,
said while it can be hard for some parents to let go of
dreams of grandchildren, "be joyful" in your child's
decision. "You don't want them to feel guilty for their
choice or like they are letting you down," she said. You are
not losing a couple of grandchildren, added Father Jaffe.
"You are gaining thousands of spiritual children."

4) Be supportive of the process

Remember that this is a discernment period, and parents
should reassure their son or daughter "that they are there
for them, that they are in support of them always," said
Hinkle.

5) Pray for your child

"First and foremost, pray for your son or daughter that God
is calling them clearly," Hinkle said.

Pope Francis spoke about the importance of prayer on World
Day of Prayer for Vocations last year. "Behind and before
every vocation to the priesthood or to the consecrated life
there is always the strong and intense prayer of someone: a
grandmother, a grandfather, a mother, a father, a community,"
said the pope. "Vocations are born in prayer and from prayer,
and only through prayer can they persevere and bear fruit."

Some suggestions were adapted from material provided by the
Arlington diocesan Office of Vocations.

Find out more

For more information and resources to support your child's
vocation, call the Vocations Office at 703/841-2514 or go here.

A Priest in the Family: A guide for Parents Whose Sons are
Considering the Priesthood, by Fr. Brett A. Brannen, is
available at vianneyvocations.com.

Vocation prayers for parents and children in English and
Spanish can be found here.