fallen

Welp, it only took me a year, but I finally had my Fallen teasers updated with the new website (yay adulting!). I’ve posted the full collection under Fiction Fans so they’re accessible to all my beloved Cannes-Can’s. They’re there for sharing, so don’t hesitate to save and post them EVERYWHERE. Seriously, spread that shit like a mouth-herpes outbreak at a college beer pong tournament. I know that’s gross, but I fucking mean it.

If you haven’t already, don’t forget to register for Reading Until Dawn Con. Party with me in person and collect a plethora of booty while you’re at it! (Like, pirate’s booty, not literal booty; get your minds out of the gutter). Anyhoo, RUDC is in less than two weeks, which means pantsless dancing is bound to ensue; you don’t want to miss it.

It’s not that I hate romance. I know it probably looks and sounds like I do, but I don’t. Truly. Like everyone, I have my preferences. Maybe it’s because I am literally the least romantic person I know, but romance just doesn’t make my list of favorites. This is not to be confused with me actively hating the entire genre.

That being said, there are some conventions trending within romance that unsettle me. Before you tell me that “It’s just a story,” or, “It doesn’t mean anything,” I disagree. There’s this thing called cultural narrative and, in a nutshell, it refers to the stories communities tell that help assign meaning to things. There’s more to it than that but for our purposes the simple explanation will do. Fairy tales and fables are popular examples of cultural narratives. Let’s for a moment ignore the watered down happily-ever-after versions of fairy tales that Disney tells and remind ourselves that the original versions of the same stories had a very different mood and significance. Generally, the purpose of the stories was to reinforce social norms, teach children what characteristics are valued or considered taboo, and often to teach moral lessons. You could argue that Disney is doing the same thing, but the norms, values, and lessons have shifted. What it all boils down to is that the stories we tell at the individual and societal level mean something.

You want to know what a society values, hopes for, dreams of? Look to the stories being told.Click & Tweet! What are the underlying themes? What message(s) are being transmitted? Why are particular stories being told? It’s not just entertainment, everyone has an agenda. True objectivity doesn’t exist. Our experiences, and the stories we tell about our experiences, inform our perceptions. In a very literal way our perception is our reality, which means that the way we think about things has a profound impact on our feelings, behaviors, and interactions with the greater world.

At this point I have to issue a very stern warning: if you’ve read Fallen, think of what follows as mandatory because Fallen probably isn’t what you think it is; if you haven’t read Fallen, continue at your own peril. I’ll be keeping them as vague and minimal as I can within the context of this post, but there will be spoilers. Waiting… Waiting… This is your opportunity to opt out if you want to remain surprised. Waiting… If you opt to wait, I strongly urge you to come back to this post after you’ve finished Fallen. Waiting… I am so serious. Waiting… Okay, last chance. Waiting…

As I imagine many writers do, I have more story-lines in my head than I do time to work on them, which means that sometimes I’m hit with a case of the “Squirrels!” and I deviate from whatever my primary project is. For Game of Thorns— originally a secondary project that I had to back-burner because it grew and changed (as stories do) and will now be my primary project after I finish the Fallen Series— I had the opportunity to do a great deal of research about 18th century France. Being the lover of language that I am, some of my favorite research had to do with French idioms. It’s true that people say the darndest things, and turns of phrase seem to be proof of that.

Since learning is fun and I love sharing knowledge, here are some of the best of the best of the best, Sir!

…Anyway:

1. When something is easy for you, you do it “fingers in the nose” (les doigts dans le nez).

I couldn’t not share this one given the Greco-Roman influences and references in the Fallen Series. I mean, obviously.

6. Pussy (in the vulgar sense) is still “pussy” (chatte) in the vulgar sense.

It’s just nice to know that some things are cross-cultural.

7. Settle down you “hot rabbit” (être un chaud lapin), there’s no reason that last one should have made you horny.

It would seem that rabbit references related to sex and horniness are also cross-cultural.

And now I can’t stop with the sex stuff, I’m on a roll.

8. You’ll need to wash your sheets in the morning if you “made a map of France” (faire une carte de France) during the night.

Nope, you didn’t “get lucky”– sorry– you had a wet dream. Better luck next time.

9. Alright, let’s class it up a little. You can find any number of literary references to la petite mort, “the little death;” more commonly known as an orgasm.

If it’s in literature, it’s high brow.

*That’s right. Isn’t that right?*

10. Last, but not least, if something goes down smoothly– as in down one’s throat smoothly– it is “the little Jesus in velvet underwear” (le petit Jésus en culotte de velours).

While I’m at least 20% certain that this one only sounds sexual, all this talk of underwear and things sliding down throats makes it hard to tell.

**And as a bonus idiom– as it is the second half of my title– “to make the sausage” (faire l’andouille) is to do something ridiculous. Something I would know nothing about. But now I’m mixing metaphors, and with that, I bid you adieu.**

October of last year, I plunged ass-first into the world of self-published writers. Almost a year later and I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. Don’t care, it’s still some of the most fun I’ve ever had. Just maybe don’t use me as the foremost authority on writing, or publishing, or adulting.

While I’ve done pretty well staying focused on the writing part of publishing…sort of. Focus is relative… Anyway, by choosing to indie publish, I am not just responsible for the writing, but everything else that comes with it. Like PR. To do this effectively, I’m told I need to find a niche. You know, brand myself, or something. Apparently drinking gin and ripping my pants off in public is only ideal marketing for strippers. Or so I’m told. I don’t know, it’s hard to remember when I’ve been drinking.

But I digress.

It’s likely that I will continue refusing to wear pants (viva la revolución), but that doesn’t mean I can’t also attempt to focus. And by focus, I obviously mean meander less. As a natural scatter-brain, focusing on just one thing is sort of like attempting to force a square peg into a round hole. It doesn’t matter how hard I push, it just won’t fit. However, there is something I already do on a consistent basis that doesn’t involve drinking or pantsless dancing– shocking, but it’s true. Drum roll, please…………

It’s research. When I write, I do stupid amounts of research. This is partly because I care about getting the details right and partly because I’m prone to falling down the rabbit hole once I get started. I come across a number of strange and interesting bits of information in my quest to find the exact piece of data that I’m looking for. What better place is there to share all the often useless knowledge that doesn’t make it into the final cut than right here? You’re welcome.

Without further ado, as the Fallen Series was largely influenced and inspired by Ancient Greco-Roman society, I’ll kick things off with some fun facts about the ancient world:

In Ancient Greece throwing an apple to a woman was considered a marriage proposal. In part two of this fun fact, catching said apple meant she accepted the proposal. So, ladies, if you’re single and intend to stay that way, beware of flying fruit.

Anyone that saw the movie 300 knows that in Ancient Sparta boys began military training at age 7. But did you also know that military service lasted until age 60? Assuming, of course, they lived that long. That’s what I call job security.

Music in Ancient Greece was a form of mathematics as well as art. This might explain why I’m terrible at both; they’re actually the same thing.

Beard trimming became an art in Ancient Greece. So much so that barbers became leading citizens. So, basically Greeks were the first hipsters. At least we know who to blame.

Ancient Olympic competitors ate sheep testicles to enhance performance. So evidently, performing enhancing drugs have been a problem since the outset. Go figure. In additional news, only men were allowed to compete in the early Olympics and they did so in the nude to ensure that no women participated in the games. Imagine running that way. Was the chafing worth it, boys? Was it really?

God I love useless trivia so much. Bask in it with me for a moment. Do you feel that? That warm tingling sensation is the feeling of information you’ll probably never need burrowing itself into the synapses of your mind. Ahhhh… Enjoy 😉

As I sat listening to another lecture from my boss about punctuality and found myself on Amazon’s pre-order blacklist for missing my deadline, I couldn’t help but wonder what it is about being on time that is such a struggle for me. Even as I write this blog, which I had every intention of posting about three weeks ago, I’ve managed to distract myself somewhat continuously by browsing unrelated memes, group messaging my friends, generally contemplating the meaning of everything, and pondering all the reasons anyone might take time management advice from me. People must learn about the existence of catermelon.

But I digress. My friends are the first to tell me I have the time management skills of a carrot, the meaning of everything is forty-two, and while I’m aware I’m not off to a promising start demonstrating my credibility as a time management guru, the truth is, I get shit done when I need to. The problem is that I’m either moving from task to task with the speed of a two-year old on a sugar high, or I’ve passed out in the corner with my ass in the air. Basically, I do all of the things, or I do none of the things.

It was as I sat in a pit of self-loathing, worrying that my editor might fire me for postponing delivery of my latest manuscript for the umpteenth time, that I decided to sit back and honestly examine what is is during those times that I’m “on” that works and figure out what’s missing during those times when I’m “off.” The first thing I learned, infuriatingly, is that my mom was right. It isn’t until you’re older and catch yourself saying the very things you repeatedly heard growing up that you finally admit, maybe your parents knew some stuff. I’ve always known my mom was smarter than the average bear, but it was during my musings on time management, and my lack of it, that I acknowledged her old adage “Work expands to fill the time you have”Click & Tweet! as a reality, not philosophical mumbo jumbo.

Basic Principles of Time Management

1. Work expands to fill the time you have.

This sounds made up, but it’s true. Think about your morning routine. We all set our alarm and plan our morning according to the number of tasks– drink coffee, shower, get dressed, do hair/makeup– we’d like to complete before heading off to work for the day. Some of us budget lots of time to include workouts, cleaning house, curing cancer, etc., while others barely budget enough time to pee and don fresh underwear before tearing out the door. But no matter the number of tasks you strive to accomplish, like most people, you probably keep at them up until the time you have to leave. Or in my case, 5-30 minutes past the time I should have left. Now, think about that same morning routine, only this time you’ve overslept your alarm. Simmer in that moment of panic for a minute. Good? Okay. Now, we can cram an incredible amount of getting ready into 2 minutes or less when we’re forced to. And guess what? It works exactly the same in other areas of our life.

When we know we only have a short amount of time to complete a task, every second counts, so we work pointedly. But the longer we have to do something, the easier it is to be distracted by something else and put off the original task, because a) it doesn’t need to be done until later, and b) the new task is more pressing, more interesting, more fun– just more.

In college, I once wrote a 15 page, 10 source paper that I had to do a 50 minute presentation on and comprised 50% of my grade for the class the night before and the day that it was due. Mind you, I had an entire semester to finish said paper and I literally did not crack a book on the topic until the night before it was due. In case you were wondering, I was two minutes late to my own presentation. I also got an A- on the assignment. What can I say? Some people thrive under pressure.

2. Set a deadline.

I’m motivated by deadlines. I know, I know; I mentioned chronic tardiness at work and a missed deadline for submitting my manuscript as the reason I will be unable to put anything up for pre-order for a year, so you might think that deadlines themselves don’t motivate me. And you’d be right, because it’s not the deadlines themselves so much as the consequences for meeting the deadline or not meeting it, as the case might be, that motivate me. I’ll address the idea of consequences in more detail when I discuss motivations, but for now we’re going to stick with deadlines.

From the time I started putting words on paper for Fallento the time that I actually hit publish was about two years. Undoubtedly, I still wouldn’t be finished with it if a friend of mine hadn’t given me a reason to publish by a certain date. She was organizing and hosting her own author-reader con and as one of my beta readers and earliest fans, she told me she would include me as one of her featured authors, but only if I published Fallenbefore the con. Challenge accepted.

3. Figure out what motivates you, and incentivize yourself appropriately.

There are intrinsic– internal– and extrinsic– external– motivators. Intrinsic motivators are things like pride, desire, a sense of accomplishment, while extrinsic motivators are things like material rewards, such as a paycheck, praise/attention, avoidance of punishment. I always believed I was a highly intrinsically motivated individual. I like to excel at the things that I do, so I work hard to build the know-how and skills to do them well. What I didn’t realize until very recently is that while my motives for the quality of my work may be internal, the incentives that drive me to actually finish things are very much external. And this is an important distinction because the reasons for how we do something are not necessarily the same as the reasons for why we do it, which includes why we do it within a certain amount of time.

Take, for example, the situation with my friend. She was going to feature me as an author at her conference if I published my book beforehand. It didn’t matter how much before, just that I commit and get it done. Day one of Reading Until Dawn Con 2015 was October 8. I hit publish on the paperback on October 2. If you’re thinking that is pretty impressive given my track record for timeliness, I didn’t hit publish on the ebook until day 2 of the 3.5 day con.

I learned a lot about myself and my writing process during those two years. So I thought publishing my second book would be a breeze. I knew when I needed to get the first draft to my editor, how long to expect the first round of revisions to take, and when I would need to have the final draft submitted if I were to put it up for pre-order, so I set my deadline. I watched my hopeful deadline approach, and then I watched it go screaming past. No problem. This is exactly why I set two deadlines. I’m smart like that. I then proceeded to watch my YNTTTIRFNOYWPOT (You Need To Turn This In Right Fucking Now Or You Won’t Publish On Time) deadline as it barreled toward me and continued to plow right over me.

Three months after I missed my YNTTTIRFNOYWPOT deadline, I turned the first and very ugly draft of The Beauty of the Beast in to my editor. This was shortly after I worried that she might fire me for being impossible to work with and well-beyond the point that I realized I was going to miss my pre-order deadline, landing myself on Amazon’s naughty list for changing the release date. Oops. By this time I’d acknowledge that I am not as intrinsically motivated as I’d always thought and it was through this experience that I learned that it is not enough to have a deadline, I need an external consequence for meeting or missing that deadline. Annnnd the consequence must be bigger than the more that might try to take up residence in my list of priorities.

As a brand new self-published author, being featured at an author-reader con next to New York Times and USA Today best sellers Darynda Jones, Jeffe Kennedy, and Cynthia St. Aubin was a huge incentive for me to finish Fallen. Being banned from using pre-order for one year because I wasn’t going to finish on time and changed my publish date for The Beauty of the Beast? Not so much. In the next year, I’ll probably only publish two books: The Beauty of the Beast (re-set for May 2 *aw, it’s really cute that I still believed that when I initially wrote this*) and Destroyed, the second book in the Fallen Series (set for October 2016 *my reasons for missing this deadline are a lot less quirky and adorable and a lot more FML*). Because I’ll only be publishing two books and I really don’t yet have a big enough audience to make pre-order a necessity, when I should have been writing and I felt like, you know, not writing, the knowledge of my upcoming restriction wasn’t enough to incentivize me to crack down and focus.

You know what did get me to finish? A burning desire to start working on Destroyed. Like the temptation of the forbidden fruit, nothing ignites a fiery passion to do one thing, like being forced to wait because you have to finish something else first. You might be wondering why wanting to work on Destroyedwould be an incentive for me to finish The Beauty of the Beast. There was no external force stopping me from just working on both at the same time, right? Well, yeah, but that brings me to my next point.

4. Multi-tasking is a myth.

I have a hard rule about only working on one book at a time. This means that while I might, and usually do, have multiple story lines running in my head at any given time, I am only allowed to put words on paper for a single story at a time. This can be really difficult because sometimes the voices that are loudest in my head are not the ones from the story I am presently working on. I know there are writers that will work simultaneously on multiple books from multiple series and the quality of their product is in no way diminished. I would argue that these writers are few and far between and I readily admit that I am not one of them. I tried working on multiple series at the same time, but quit when I thought my writing style, characters, and content were all starting to sound the same.

What happened to me isn’t all that unusual either. Our brains aren’t actually capable of multi-tasking. I’m not talking about the talking and chewing gum kind of multi-tasking, I’m talking about the kind of multi-tasking in which both undertakings require higher cognitive function, like critical thinking. When we think we’re multi-tasking, what we’re actually doing is ceasing to focus on one thing in order to focus on another, and then switching back. When we alternate our attention back and forth like this, we ultimately perform both tasks slower and less effectively even though we might believe we are being more productive. So if you want to do something and do it well, focus on one thing at a time.

5. It’s not about starting, it’s about finishing.

The book that my Kindle estimates will take 3 hours to read, took me 2 years to write. That would almost be depressing if it wasn’t so cool that I wrote a book. I wrote a fucking book! That’s awesome. Boom baby!

We’re wired to seek out instant gratification, but when we’re talking about our some-day goals, we’re usually talking about our big goals. The goals that are tied to our hopes and our dreams. As much as we might wish they were, these are not the type of thing that can be achieved in a day.

Writing a book takes time. A lot of it. Since I couldn’t up and quit my day job in order to focus on writing full time– because, you know, life costs money– I had to fit writing into the cracks of my life. Fifteen minutes here, a couple of hours there. Through diligence, the hours added up and eventually I had a completed product and a desire to do it all over again. You don’t have to know everything in order to get started. Time is going to pass regardless of whether or not you do that thing your inner voice has been whispering at you to do, so just go for it.

6. Make a plan.

Did you know that writing something down increases the chances that you will do it? Busy people are excellent time managers and it’s because they have to plan their time diligently in order to accomplish everything. Whether it’s in your phone, a day planner, or a sticky note on your computer, plan your time for the day, the week, the month.

Be strategic about it. Give yourself an appropriate amount of time, but don’t stretch your deadlines so far that
you allow the clutter in. Understand what really motivates you and incentivize yourself accordingly. Interweave the things you want to do– things like your some-day goals– with the things you have to do– like work your J.O.B. Limit distractions and work with focus. Concentrate on one task at a time before moving on to the next and be specific. For example, schedule social media time so it doesn’t interfere with working time. Then get started and don’t quit.

Did you see what I did there tying it all together? Not bad, am I right? All right. And now, more cat videos.

Augustine made his way slowly through camp with Cato by his side. The sun had been up for several hours, but many of Augustine’s soldiers were still sleeping off the previous night’s debauchery. Arms were thrown over eyes. Heavy snores disturbed the stillness of the morning air. Looking at the disorder around him, it was hard to believe they would be ready for an invasion by sundown, but Augustine knew from experience they would be.

“Everything is in place.” He meant it as a question even though Augustine framed it as a statement.

Cato had more than enough familiarity with him to know he expected an answer, though, and hummed his assent. “Yes, we’ve been assured the bulk of the guards around the perimeter will have been removed from duty and none of the guards will be in place outside the bedrooms. Grabbing the royal family should be simple.”

Even if they did not have inside help, taking control of the palace would not have posed a challenge. The place was severely under protected. The real test would be in ensuring everything was done quietly and without raising alarm in the rest of Galilae. This was why Augustine had decided to enlist help, even if it was risky to trust such an important task to a man that was about to betray his own kingdom.

Quiet laughter drew Augustine’s attention. A small group of his soldiers sat around a makeshift table playing a game of dice.

“I cannot believe you returned to camp so early,” Lucius teased good-naturedly. “Were it me, I might have never returned.”

“She was a sweet girl,” Seneca defended.

“A very sweet girl,” Lucius insisted, indicating to the rest of the players that she had a large pair of tits.

A much louder bout of laughter followed that statement.

Seneca shoved Decimus. “Take your roll, or should we skip you while you take your cock in hand?”

More jeering ensued, but Decimus grabbed the two dice from the table. “Not a chance, boy. General. Captain.” Decimus greeted both Augustine and Cato with a nod. The other soldiers hadn’t noticed their approach and snapped to attention. “You care to join us?” Decimus continued, the only member of the group un-phased by their presence. “This is a new round.”

“I think not,” Augustine said lightly.

“Feeling unlucky? That does not bode well,” Decimus jested.

“I make my own luck,” Augustine retorted. “This is a game of chance, there is no skill involved.”

Decimus smiled genially and raised his hand to roll. “Suit yourself.”

Before he released the dice, Cato interjected. “Just one roll, General, lest your men think you believe yourself too good for them.”

Augustine met his friend and second’s smirk with a glare that held no heat. “You are a real shit, Cato,” Augustine said, to which Cato’s mouth curved in spite of the jab. “One roll,” Augustine agreed. “Where does everyone stand?”

“I do apologize for making you look bad,” Decimus teased and handed over the dice.

Augustine snorted as he rolled, wasting no time on superstitious rituals. Cheering erupted at the double sixes staring toward the sky and Augustine smirked at his Lieutenant. “The Throw of Aphrodite,” Augustine told him. “You lose.”