The Problem With Young People Today Is…
He’s the man. He will make you feel ashamed of yourself and then will make you laugh at yourself and then leave you confused between wanting to perform harakiri or laugh till your ass falls off.

Robotic Rhetoric
He has a fine way of making things sound so polished and polite and downright hilarious!

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In India, prom is not the kind of thing you have in any other country. Most of the schools don’t even have a prom. However, my school decided to have a prom. It was an amazing idea, but it would have been better if the school had actually googled it before they gave us the permission to have one. Maybe then it wouldn’t have scored a 8 in the Scale of Suckery.
Why did the Prom bomb? Here’s why-

1. The Dj sucked. Horrible bollywood songs were being played that one would tend to sing along to only if they had their stomach lined with hash brownies. Ok, not really. I’m just exaggerating. A bit. The english songs the Dj had the sense to play were stopped midway for reasons unknown to us. The music stopped altogether twice because of high levels of suckiness shown by the Dj. And to top it all, he wore a T-shirt that said, “Why Always Me?” And by the end of the night, we were all left pondering upon that very question.

2. The teachers’ eyes never left us for a single second. They were staring at us. All of us. And not just one or two teachers but an entire lot of 7-8 of them. I think. They just kept on staring at us, almost expecting some of us to start stripping on the dance floor. What was up with that? It felt so weird! The guys couldn’t even dance with the girls! And if they did, they had to make sure to have minimum contact with the girl. Which itself scored a 10 on the Scale of Suckery. Welcome to India, my dear foreign peeps.

3. Nobody was dancing. This was the direct result of the above mentioned point. Well, people were dancing, but they were dancing within same sex groups. Girls with girls, guys with guys. And I personally think that the teachers should have found that a little more disturbing than people dancing with the opposite sex. Don’t you think?

4. Dress code. You know how in proms in every other country, girls wear gowns or pretty sparkly dresses that look like they came out from a disney princesses’ wardrobe or wear something slightly or absolutely slutty? Yeah. In my school, we were only allowed to wear sleeveless. Nothing too short, n halters, no backless, no off-shoulders, no sweeheart necklines etc. Score on Scale of Suckery- 20 on 10.

5. No corsages and boutonnieres. Yup. You heard me. Nobody got the idea of it. Mostly people went stag to the prom, me included, but mine was a case of utmost stupidity (on my part). But even the ones with dates did not bother with corsages or boutonniers. Why? This is India. And it was not a typical prom. As you have already figured out by now.

Anyway, so that is why our prom bombed. But, it was still a lot of fun. It was just a get-together with a fancy name. But we all met, our entire batch, danced, clicked loads of photos and went back home. All in all,though it was crap, it was not a total waste of time. Atleast I got a new dress out of it!

I am in the train right now, have been in it for the past 25 hours, and I’m BORED. Travelling all the way from East India to South India has it’s up-side, sure, like the beautiful sights outside, ranging from sea to mountains and hills to cow infested fields. But the stinking bathroom, hours of doing nothingness and bad food more than balances out the goodies. Not to mention the company of my infuriating brother. His never exhausting energy channelized towards making up new startegies to irritate me is truly amazing. Not.
Why am I travelling? Because I have a college interview to give. Am I nervous? Yes. Very.

There’s nothing else to report. Unless you want to know about the other Bengali family in the train sharing our booth, who’ve been occasionally playing cards, loudly, if I may say so, and occasionally cracking lame jokes and laughing. Loudly. But they are decent. I mean, it could’ve been worse. Atleast they don’t smell like pee.

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My exams are over and I’m left with one and a half months of doing nothingness valuable time to spend wisely before college starts. But since I don’t exactly have any wise thing to do to spend my time wisely, my friend Aaheli and I have made a Bucket List. Why? ‘Cause we’re all going to scatter all over India or evn the world in a couple of months and then we wont be able to meet regularly and that will just suck. So, to spend as much time together as possible, we came up with this brilliant idea. Also, it seemed like a wise fun thing to do. So anyway, I’ll stop yapping not waste your time anymore by my cockamamie babble talks and launch into our Oh-So-Brilliant list of things to do.

#1 Get a job.
Let me tell you something, in India, the chances of getting abducted by aliens in bikinis is higher than the chances of somebody actually employing high school pass-outs. Even for a part time job. Why? Don’t ask me. Maybe because they think all teenagers are drug addicts or alcoholics. Or irresponsible. Or something. I don’t know. But, whatever the reason is, it sucks. Therefore, we will probably not be able to check this off the list. But oh, well…

#2 Learn how to drive.
Aaheli is already 18 and I will be 18 in June, so, Hello driver’s license!!
Well, as soon as I learn how to drive a car without causing mass genocide.
Or maybe I should just stick to the Flinstone’s kinda car… Yes!

#3 Roam around Park Street, Camac Street and Elgin Road on foot, and window shop!
Why? Because it’s fun. Also, it will burn some calories off. Which can only be AWESOME.

#4 Visit the Victoria Memorial.
Because even after living in Kolkata for so many years, we have never seen what’s inside the Victoria Memorial. Shameful, I know.

#5 Go to Nicco Park.
To all my non-Indian and non-Kolkatan peeps, Nicco Park is an amusement park! I’ve been there a million times but Aaheli has never been there, so we have to go there before we leave this city!

#6 Movie marathon. (sitcoms allowed!)
Because there’s nothing better than watching TV all day long! Atleast for one day.

#7 Shit craft on bags.
No, not really crap on bags. That’s just disgusting. What we have actually planned to do is, design a bag. Well, just decorate it actually. We bought plain solid colored bags and we plan to paint it and glue stuff on it to make it look pretty and then sell it on the net! You know, get in touch with our crafty side, ’cause we’re both good at artsy and crafty things..

#8 Get a library card.
Simply ’cause we don’t have one already.

#9 Go to the zoo!
Because we have not been there for so long! I’ll just have to be a little careful and make sure that the zoo people don’t shove Aaheli in one of the cages, thinking that she’s an ape or something… Lol!

#10 Go to the National Library.
Because even though we live in the city that houses the national library, we have not been there. So we absolutely HAVE to, before we leave the city. ‘Cause we are self conffessed book worms. Well, Aaheli, totally but me, sort of.

#11 Go to a night club
Because, in India, teens are just not allowed to go out after it gets dark. Atleast not the girls. But since Kolkata has some awesome discs, we just have to go there, don’t we? 😀

#12 Paint Aaheli’s room.
Because she is SO in love with Anime chacters, we will paint them on her walls!

#13 Write a story together on Wattpad!
Because we are both interested in writing! And also because she is an AWESOME writer! In fact, you should check out her blog! It’s called Thoughts Of A Venus.

#14 I’ll get a tattoo and break Aaheli’s hand.
Because she wont be getting a tattoo, and I will be, and she will be watching and laughing several body parts off while I will probably be screaming in agony. So it’s just fair to make her scream in agony as well…

#15 Take a video and make ScrapBook of us completing our Bucket List.
Because we couldn’t leave our list at fourteen and needed a 15th task. Also, because we should have some record of this entire thing.

And, that’s it. Lets just hope we get around to completing at least 10 of the tasks.
Oh, and notice how “lose weight” and “get a boyfriend” is not a part of our list. We tried to keep the list as realistic as possible.

I have been alive for 17 years now (I now feel obligated to insert all the hoopla concerning how people born in 1990-1999 have lived in two decades, two centuries and two millenniums and are not even 18 yet…) and have managed to survive through some pretty crappy moments and embarrassing situations. And considering the fact that I am pretty much jobless most of the time not living the productive workaholic life that I aspire to live one day, I spend most of the time whining and complaining reflecting upon those embarrassing moments, trying to figure out exactly what I did to deserve all that crap I learnt from those experiences. So anyway, I have decided to tell you about ten of the gazillion few lessons life has taught me. Why? Because I am really bored.

In no particular order…

Lesson #1 When you are in the middle of a heated online argument, and you type out a massively and brilliantly intelligent comeback, you will notice that you were not typing in the box and none of what you typed out in a super accelerated speed that you acquired due to adrenaline rush, was actually getting typed.

Lesson #2 The idea of hiding chocolate in your wardrobe is NOT a good idea.

Lesson #3 When your crush gets to know that you like him/her and asks you if it’s true and after you vehemently deny it, you text your friend about how he/she got to know about you having a crush on him/her through the grapevine but you totally denied it, you will end up sending it to your crush by mistake, and no matter how urgently you ask your phone to “CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL! DO NOT SEND!!“, the text will be delivered to him/her.

Lesson #4 If anything falls in the bathroom, it will fall inside the W/C.

Lesson #5 When the favorite part of your favorite movie is just about to come, somebody will distract you and you will miss it. This, however, will not happen if you are watching it on a DVD or a VCD or on the net or on any medium where you can rewind it and watch it again.

Lesson #6 One sock always manages to disappear.

Lesson #7 When you finally get all comfortable in bed, snuggled under your blanket, the temperature of the room is absolutely perfect and your pillow feels amazingly comfortable and you have even remembered to turn the lights off, you will suddenly have the need to drink water and the bottle will be nowhere near your reach.

Lesson #8 Kicking the computer never helps.

Lesson #9 The one day that you don’t do your homework, your teacher will ask for it.

Lesson #10 No matter how hard you try to walk carefully past a bunch of people playing some kind of ball game, the ball will find your face to land on.

Well,

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Okay, so, I was wondering exactly what to post on this blog (it’s the first time I’m trying it out) and I came up with a big handful of Nothing.
I came up with a few ideas but ended up rejecting them because if I post all that, even I wouldn’t read my blog. Some of the ideas were,

1. Post about my oh-so-interesting life, but the idea was instantly rejected because I’ve met me and there’s nothing remotely interesting about my life. Besides, if I post about my life, I’ll not have much to blog about because all I do nowadays is aimlessly surf facebook. Or stare at the homepage for hours. Or I google the weirdest things ever. (No, not porn.) Thank god for the option of Clear Search History. So anyway, that ruled out blogging about my life.

My Oh-So-Interesting non-existant life…

Okay, snap back to reality.

2. The second idea I came up with, was blog about the world. No, not news about the world or about global warming or how NASA denies the upcoming apocalypse or about blue-baby syndrome. No, none of that important stuff. I’m talkin about the shallow stuff. The gossip. Like how Lindsay Lohan denies that her Porsche caressed a man’s knee or that Charlize Theron pulled a Brangelina and adopted a baby boy named Jackson or the rumours about Alex Pettyfer getting engaged to Elvis’ granddaughter, Riley. That kind of stuff. But, the idea got ruled out because half the journalists of the world is covering that and you don’t need me to cover it in my own immature way.

Gossip feed!

3. The third idea I came up with was ranting about stuff. Like duck-faced pouts (I’ve already blogged about that though) or how people today are using words like “mah” instead of “my” or “yew” instead of “you” or “ua” instead of “your” etc. I mean, the purpose of writing incorrect spellings of words is to shorten the words while you are typing. Like writing “u” instead of “you”. But writing “mah” instead of “my” totally beats the purpose! You are writing an extra letter! And you sound like a moron as well! And words like “yew” and “meh” and “gawd” and “baws” and “hawt”! It sounds completely retarded! It makes me want to throw a dictionary at the faces of people who do that.

(oh, look! I launched into a rant! Lol!) Anyway, so this idea of rants was also ruled out because how many things am I going to rant about? Two? Three? Then what? I’ll be out of things to blog about!

4. The fourth idea I came up with, was…. Ok who am I kidding. There is no fourth idea. I kinda gave up after the third. I’d like to say that I got creatively exhausted, but the truth is too much thinking takes a toll on my mind.

So there. All my (brilliant?) ideas, and the reasons for its rejection. The conclusion- I don’t know what to blog about.
Wow, I’m so lame.