You blow up one conference room full of stuffed shirts and they label you a criminal.I'd rather work for Jack than Ronald McDonald. Jack would come to your cube "Harry. Let's walk and talk. This way, harry. you know, we really like having you around here, Harry. The people like you and you do real quality work. But you don't get to see all the numbers, Harry. Our Tilapia Breakfast Burrito was a flop. Marketing called it 'health conscious and a driver,' Harry. How can you argue with those metrics? Anyhoo, I have ware houses full of tilapia and contract with a Mexican tortilla factory to produce a million tortilla. Looks like I'm gonna have to shingle my floor with tortillas, Harry. Anyhow, through no fault of your own, we're gonna have to let you go. I'd give you a letter of glowing recommendation but no one reads those anyways and legal says no. Well, here we are, Harry. The street. Good luck and good bye. Security is dumping your stuff out. those cardboard boxes aren't cheap.

Back in the 80's, I kinda sorta remember the kid in the wheel chair was still wearing his Moto X gear. Sure didn't have a motorized chair, the crippled aristocrat. Thought the blonde would grow up to be hawt. I guess I was wrong.

So my kid was asking me the other day, "What is the Green Giant made of? Is he all one vegetable, or made of different vegetables?"

He's made of delicious vegetables. Every day, we have to pull veggies off of him. And if you don't eat your veggies, he will continue to grow. Look how freaking big he is now, kid. Scientist say that if you don't develop a healthy appetite for Brussels Sprouts (you don't want to know where those grow on him, believe me), he will grow so big that his weight will push the planet out of it's orbit. We'll freeze to death or burst in to flames depending on where he's standing.

It was a lot easier back in the baby boom years but you kids have got to pick up the pace. You might be looking at butter beans for breakfast. Yeah. it is just that bad.

Walker: Willard Scott as Ronald next to me back in the late 60's. I'm like "Who the f*ck is this clown?"

Lucky. I got to see one of his knock offs open a McDonald's in Chicago.. He appeared in a roped off area in front of the store, threw a handful of cheap toys in to the crowd and disappeared in to the store.

I wasn't the only kid disappointed. Later that year, when the plaza welcomed Santa, Ronald rode in the front seat of the fire truck while Santa rode in the back. Just before the truck passed in front of me, a kid hurled something at Ronald. Ron just shook his finger at the crowd. But he got the message: Don't bring your uptown attitude in to the south side.

Then Ringmaster Ned walked through the crowd. Now, that was a class act.