Tag: letting go

2019..new beginnings. I find myself being very thankful and grateful. In retrospect, I’m thankful my insides were turned outward, sideways and upside down all last year. Peeling away the layers and layers of my ‘false self’ and revealing my True Self…I know that’s part of the journey. If I don’t do the journey, I don’t grow and learn more about myself.

**I’m grateful for my very dysfunctional family. In the grand scheme of things I know I’ve selected all of the players/actors in my 3D life for my growth. I’ve learned how to establish boundaries, let them go about their journey the way they wish to do it, and stop judging them and having expectations of them.
**I’m grateful I decided to sign up for the Heart Warrior program through transCodes, in March of 2016. Little did I know then the beautiful and loving relationships I’ve had the honor to develop with others in the transCodes community, with similar resonances to mine.
**I’m grateful to have learned what I’ve learned with energy work and how it relates to me.
**I’m grateful I respected and loved myself enough to kick myself in the butt to learn, not only energy work, but discovering new elements of my own energies.
**I’m grateful I’m starting to get the feeling of “letting go”. It feels like only in spurts, but at least it’s happening, and those moments are getting longer and longer.
**I’m grateful I’m finally giving myself permission to fuck up and not feel like a jerk whenever I do.
**I’m grateful I’m part of this website, which allows me a platform to share and perhaps prompt a visitor to go within for answers, and if they’re already on a journey, encourages them to continue on, no matter what the challenges are.
**I’m grateful for the obvious, and not so obvious, lessons Mother Earth continues to teach me.
**I’m at a point in my spiritual journey where I look forward to anything that’s NOT comfortable, in regards to myself, so I can learn from it.
**I’m grateful I’m not judging others, or situations, as much as I use too. For when you’re judging anything, all you’re doing is judging yourself, right?
**I’m grateful to “own” my journey and not blame my life’s circumstances on others.
**I’m grateful I can eventually laugh at myself whenever I screw up.
**Lastly, I’m grateful I Love myself…my True Self…a Light Being of Source.

One thing at a time. Slow your breathing and you’ll slow your mind, then everything else will follow. Take your time. It is all OK as it is.

It is so hard to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. I often find myself racing from one thing to another without being consciously present in any of it! This is actually detrimental to any progress and a misguided notion that we “should do more”… for example, I am a firm believer that multi-tasking is a myth and has misguided MANY of us! As we become more and more separated and distracted from being fully present in a moment or task, we ultimately find we aren’t really being “good” at any one thing at all!

As I’ve become more aware of this, I have found this is a root of much of my anxiousness. I actually feel better and in tune with my inner voice when I pay attention to this “signal” and remind myself to slow down. Lately this has been extra intensified and with all the energetic shifting going on around all of us, I know I am not the only one.

For example, right now I feel a strong need to “de-clutter” more. But letting go of things feels difficult. I know this is a sign that I have some work to do in this area. I’ve tried a little at a time by focusing on one area or theme. i.e. clothes, stored items.. things where I KNOW I have things that can “go” and I won’t “die” if I actually DO get rid of them, (haha) but you know, I still only end up being able to ditch a few things! What the heck?! I can actually FEEL the anxiety underneath, the “fear” of “what IF” I need this “someday”?! Another “thought” is about how the item reminds me of something, someone, or an event/time.. and I worry I will “forget” the memory. I take a next step and wonder WHY is this coming in like this? What is the REAL reason I am holding on?..
Knowing from my inner heart space that this is necessary for me to “make room” for anything new, why is it still so hard? I also know that it pulls me into the past, which intuitively I know can serve a purpose, (understand and learn from the past type of thing) but can becomes a problem when I can’t “hear” or “see” a flexible future. Instead I feel limited or restricted. Those are signs that I’m not in the moment or trusting my heart. Instead there is an overlay of a fear of something…

So I keep going back to “one thing at a time”, over and over and over. Resetting myself… starting by just realizing it and then trying to just focus on the moment and asking myself if this (item, situation, person, feeling) is important for me or to my “best/ true inner self “.
Sometimes it is, and is clearly only “for now”, sometimes it is not, but I have to acknowledge there is something deeper going on if I cannot “let it go”. Either way, it is important to not get caught here and thus not be able to move on, one way or the other.

Therefore, right now, all I’m able to do with those moments, is to practice another form of “one thing at a time” and realize that some things I’m just not ready to deal with, so I set it aside and work on NOT getting caught up in a mental loop about it.

It’s been such a theme this month that it has felt important to share. If for no other reason but to say “hang in there”. “One foot in front of the other”. “One thing at a time”. And I’m discovering that it doesn’t mean that each “thing” always gets “done”. Sometimes, it’s just being in the moment of whatever is going on, and then moving on to a next moment while accepting that becoming overly “obsessed” about finishing something, is probably going to end up counter productive.

So join me and pick one “focus” at a time and take it easy… Enjoy, appreciate, and fill it with love.
After all, it is what will provide us the support and solid base for all things that will come to us in our future.

As an energy worker I found myself wondering, for the past number of weeks, if I was still in touch with my Heart. Things that would normally move me to tears just weren’t doing it anymore. Mentioning of my mother’ name (she made her transition back in 1995 due to cancer), observing a stray dog or cat wandering the streets, or seeing an elderly person in a room full of younger people and not one person talking to them, all would wet my eyes. But lately, not anymore.

My critical inner voice would heckle me with: “I’ve become cold hearted.” “I don’t seem to care about anything anymore.” “I’ve lost touch with my soul.” Within collective society the majority of people are conditioned to believe crying is a form of weakness. Now it’s acceptable if you initially cry over unexpected bad news, but don’t let that crying linger on. “Real men don’t cry, they just handle it” (whatever ‘it’ is). It’s crammed down everyone’s throats to “be strong and tough”. “Don’t let people know you’re weak.” “Don’t show people you’re vulnerable.” All programmed collective B.S.!!!…… mmmmmmm……

A little research shows there are substantial benefits in the art of crying. The tears we shed have chemicals that actually make us feel good! Oxytocin and endorphins are released to help relieve pain and elevate our moods. Tears help to kill bacteria and keep the eyes clean with a fluid called lysozyme. Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which helps us to relax. Little did I know of the physical benefits of crying, other than it usually feels good to get that ‘stuff’ out afterwords.

Now, what’s got me writing about crying? A series of recent personal events all manifested within a 3 week period. One right after another, culminating with one of my best friends dying in a car accident, first thing in the morning on Valentine’s Day. As I was leaving my work place for lunch, a mutual friend called to let me know. After disbelief passed through me, I cried and cried and cried in the cab of my truck for the hour, not even touching my lunch. Memories flooding my brain with all of the times we spent together. How we met each other. How we hit it off immediately through the same sense of humor and observations. The mutual respect and admiration we had for one another. After lunch, I went back into work sobbing. For the next couple of days I alternated between crying and sobbing. Reflecting, I was also aware I wasn’t only crying because I lost a best friend. I was releasing stress built up over all of the unexpected events that slammed me from the last weeks.

What was cool was I had made the transition from feeling guilty and self conscious for crying to knowing it was my God given right to cry…and I was proud of it! I looked at the ‘gifts’ my pal gave to me. His humor, understanding, and most of all, his humbleness. He was a very knowledgeable man who knew a little of just about anything and yet very humble. I guess you could say he taught me, by example, the virtues of humbleness. My friend’s passing couldn’t have happened on a more appropriate day, Valentine’s Day, for he had a BIG Heart!

I realized I had to ‘let him go’. I also realized dwelling on and on about the ‘news’ of his passing wasn’t fair to him as well. The stray animals, my mom’s passing, the elders being neglected…gradually I had to let them all go and not ‘hang on’ to them. Energetically it could be stagnating if I didn’t, for all concerned.

Acceptance gradually entered my life over the past number of months. Accepting that “everything’s perfect the way it is”. And in accepting life as it unfolds I come from the power of choice. Do I choose to engage in conversation with the lady in the wheelchair? Do I feed the stray cat at work? I wasn’t becoming cold hearted or insensitive. Instead it’s the opposite. I was becoming more accepting and compassionate without judgement as life’s events unfolded. I never did lose touch with my Heart. Out of acceptance I was nurturing it.

All of these realizations wouldn’t have come to me if I didn’t participate in the art of crying. Pass me a tissue please.