The Absolutely Should-less Blog

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

It
seems that everywhere you look there is someone talking about Marriage
Equality. From the Supreme Court to local churches, from Barack Obama
to Dan Savage, everyone has a point-of-view on how they prefer marriage
to be acknowledged, validated, and celebrated. Yet no one seems very
interested in discussing the actual work, skills, and resilience
involved in actually participating in a committed relationship. It's
like arguing for your right to buy a car, without taking the time to
learn to drive.

No matter how two people define
"relationship," they all involve a certain degree of work, organization,
focus, and commitment. In my sixteen years of practicing therapy with
couples and individuals, I have found these five secrets indispensable
for those who
seek to enjoy long term nourishing and loving relationships:

Creativity vs. Conformity: Couples
who experience joy together are able to create a structure and
framework that is uniquely right for them, as opposed to automatically
conforming to what society says they "should" do. For example, in the
world at large it may be considered "wrong" or "selfish" for one to go
on a vacation without a spouse. But what if one person in a couple
loves traveling and the other hates it? It is quite possible, and I
would argue necessary, for couples who want to avoid resentments and
bitterness to create arrangements that are specifically right for them.
This pertains to travel, handling money, sexual frequency, child
rearing, socializing with friends, any action or situation that impacts both parties can be served by being respectfully created and negotiated.

Communication vs Conclusion: So
often couples think they know each other well enough that they can
conclude what the other person is thinking or feeling. A partner might
say, "I know my husband doesn't want to see that play so I'm not even
going to ask him." What gets lost here is the ability for two people to
communicate, and again create, a solution that is right for both
parties. Even if it's true that your husband doesn't love theater,
people do change, and he might still appreciate being asked. It is so
easy for us in a busy world to assume we know what our partners
want and need. These assumptions can often lead to missed
opportunities, hurt feelings, and more resentments. I encourage couples
to respectfully communicate and ask questions even if you think you already know the answer.
Counseling can be a great way for couples to learn unique and effective
ways to communicate thoughts, needs, desires, preferences, and goals.

Compassion vs. Condemnation: So
what if you have a partner who doesn't share many of your interests?
What if you can't wait to get to City Hall to get married and he's
expressing concerns or doubts? What if you're wanting sex more often
than him? These areas can all be created and communicated utilizing
compassion. When you are compassionate, it does not mean you
agree and go along everything your partner wants. But it does mean you
make a genuine effort to be empathic, that is, to see and feel things
from their point of view. Compassion is recognizing nobody wakes up
saying, "I can't wait to be a jerk today." We are all trying to do
the best we can with what we have, and some days are easier than
others. The opposite of this is condemnation, which involves blaming
your partner for how you feel, putting him or her down for having
different perspectives or needs, and making him or her "wrong."
Condemnation results in anger, resentments, at times domestic violence,
and mostly definitely plays a fundamental role in divorces and
separations. Couples counseling can be instrumental in helping couples
shift from condemnation to compassion in their interactions.

Contribution vs. Control: In
successful long-term relationships there is a sense of two people
contributing toward a common goal, as opposed to one person making all
the decisions and seeking to control the other. This can become tricky
in relationships where there is a significant difference in income, age,
health, or other power imbalance. However, even when circumstances
contribute to power differentials, it is still possible, and necessary,
for both members to feel they are contributing something vital and
essential to the relationship. This can be accomplished by using the
previous three tools above (creation, communication, compassion), and
figuring out areas where both can feel empowered. If one person is the
breadwinner, perhaps the other can bake the bread. Any opportunity for
both members to feel they are giving to the one another, and
contributing to the relationship as a whole, will increase their
satisfaction, enjoyment, and sense of pride.

Connection vs. Completion: Unfortunately,
many have been taught by pop culture and Hollywood films that a
relationship is meant to "complete" them, or help them find their
"missing soul mate." This, in my personal and professional experience,
is one of the biggest misnomers and crimes ever perpetuated against
long-term unions. Not only is it impossible for someone to meet all
your needs, but it is no one's responsibility to or ability to "make"
you feel anything. Every great philosopher, therapist, or relationship
expert, from Epictetus to Dr. Albert Ellis to Tina Turner to Oprah
Winfrey, has discussed the importance of taking responsibility for one's
own growth and development. Another person in a fulfilling
relationship can promote and enhance that growth, but does not
"make" it happen. Partnerships thrive when they are based in the
authentic and pure desire to connect with someone, not to hold them accountable for your "completion."

Good
counseling can promote wellness, love, respect, and sustainability in
all stages of couplehood. To learn more, please do not hesitate to
contact me Shouldless@gmail.com, or call 347-227-7707.

Friday, April 5, 2013

It
seems that everywhere you look there is someone talking about Marriage
Equality. From the Supreme Court to local churches, from Barack Obama
to Dan Savage, everyone has a point-of-view on how they prefer marriage
to be acknowledged, validated, and celebrated. Yet no one seems very
interested in discussing the actual work, skills, and resilience
involved in actually participating in a committed relationship. It's
like arguing for your right to buy a car, without taking the time to
learn to drive.

No matter how two people define
"relationship," they all involve a certain degree of work, organization,
focus, and commitment. In my sixteen years of practicing therapy with
couples and individuals, I have found these five secrets indispensable
for those who
seek to enjoy long term nourishing and loving relationships:

Creativity vs. Conformity: Couples
who experience joy together are able to create a structure and
framework that is uniquely right for them, as opposed to automatically
conforming to what society says they "should" do. For example, in the
world at large it may be considered "wrong" or "selfish" for one to go
on a vacation without a spouse. But what if one person in a couple
loves traveling and the other hates it? It is quite possible, and I
would argue necessary, for couples who want to avoid resentments and
bitterness to create arrangements that are specifically right for them.
This pertains to travel, handling money, sexual frequency, child
rearing, socializing with friends, any action or situation that impacts both parties can be served by being respectfully created and negotiated.

Communication vs Conclusion: So
often couples think they know each other well enough that they can
conclude what the other person is thinking or feeling. A partner might
say, "I know my husband doesn't want to see that play so I'm not even
going to ask him." What gets lost here is the ability for two people to
communicate, and again create, a solution that is right for both
parties. Even if it's true that your husband doesn't love theater,
people do change, and he might still appreciate being asked. It is so
easy for us in a busy world to assume we know what our partners
want and need. These assumptions can often lead to missed
opportunities, hurt feelings, and more resentments. I encourage couples
to respectfully communicate and ask questions even if you think you already know the answer.
Counseling can be a great way for couples to learn unique and effective
ways to communicate thoughts, needs, desires, preferences, and goals.

Compassion vs. Condemnation: So
what if you have a partner who doesn't share many of your interests?
What if you can't wait to get to City Hall to get married and he's
expressing concerns or doubts? What if you're wanting sex more often
than him? These areas can all be created and communicated utilizing
compassion. When you are compassionate, it does not mean you
agree and go along everything your partner wants. But it does mean you
make a genuine effort to be empathic, that is, to see and feel things
from their point of view. Compassion is recognizing nobody wakes up
saying, "I can't wait to be a jerk today." We are all trying to do
the best we can with what we have, and some days are easier than
others. The opposite of this is condemnation, which involves blaming
your partner for how you feel, putting him or her down for having
different perspectives or needs, and making him or her "wrong."
Condemnation results in anger, resentments, at times domestic violence,
and mostly definitely plays a fundamental role in divorces and
separations. Couples counseling can be instrumental in helping couples
shift from condemnation to compassion in their interactions.

Contribution vs. Control: In
successful long-term relationships there is a sense of two people
contributing toward a common goal, as opposed to one person making all
the decisions and seeking to control the other. This can become tricky
in relationships where there is a significant difference in income, age,
health, or other power imbalance. However, even when circumstances
contribute to power differentials, it is still possible, and necessary,
for both members to feel they are contributing something vital and
essential to the relationship. This can be accomplished by using the
previous three tools above (creation, communication, compassion), and
figuring out areas where both can feel empowered. If one person is the
breadwinner, perhaps the other can bake the bread. Any opportunity for
both members to feel they are giving to the one another, and
contributing to the relationship as a whole, will increase their
satisfaction, enjoyment, and sense of pride.

Connection vs. Completion: Unfortunately,
many have been taught by pop culture and Hollywood films that a
relationship is meant to "complete" them, or help them find their
"missing soul mate." This, in my personal and professional experience,
is one of the biggest misnomers and crimes ever perpetuated against
long-term unions. Not only is it impossible for someone to meet all
your needs, but it is no one's responsibility to or ability to "make"
you feel anything. Every great philosopher, therapist, or relationship
expert, from Epictetus to Dr. Albert Ellis to Tina Turner to Oprah
Winfrey, has discussed the importance of taking responsibility for one's
own growth and development. Another person in a fulfilling
relationship can promote and enhance that growth, but does not
"make" it happen. Partnerships thrive when they are based in the
authentic and pure desire to connect with someone, not to hold them accountable for your "completion."

Good
counseling can promote wellness, love, respect, and sustainability in
all stages of couplehood. To learn more, please do not hesitate to
contact me Shouldless@gmail.com, or call 347-227-7707.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I have some AMAZING news to share with you today! But first, some background...

After 16 years of working with couples and individuals in various
treatment settings, I have come to understand that relationships don’t
have to be that hard. We are all walking around on this earth
trying to connect with others and build meaningful and satisfying bonds.
But for so many there is something getting in the way of this
experience, something preventing individuals and couples from having the
joyful life they want and deserve.

You would think it would be different by now. After all, humans
have been roaming the planet for hundreds of thousands of years, somehow
we humans have made it this far. We have more ways than ever to stay
connected: smart phones, e-mails, text messaging, e-mail chatting,
Internet social networks, access to travel. Go to any bookstore and
you’ll find dozens of books which instruct people how to stay in
fulfilling relationships. Turn on any daytime talk show and you’ll see
“experts” sharing how to have better communication, more pleasure,
happier unions. More and more American states and worldwide governments
are legally recognizing marriage equality. Given all this, why are so
many relationships so unsatisfying?

Because most people are never taught the intelligent and
practical tools and skills of Rational Relating that create and enhance
serenity, joy, and fulfillment in an intimate connection. They are at a
loss how to maintain authentic connections with other humans on a
consistent basis. They do not have role models or guides to demonstrate
and teach the intricacies of negotiations and compromise. They do not
understand that love, attention, respect, and honor, are given to one’s
self before they can be truly received from someone else.

Today I am thrilled to announce that my new book, "Rational
Relating" has been picked up for publishing and distribution by Red
Skies Publishing for a February, 2013, release date. "Rational Relating"
is a mindful and cognitive approach to enhancing relationships with
others. It offers a step-by-step framework that enables couples to
expand joy, serenity, and pleasure, while minimizing, pain, resentment,
and suffering. It demonstrates how relationship "pillars" can be
strengthened and maintained by promoting integrity, communication,
compassion, responsibility, and compromise in connection with others. It
is the culmination of my 16 years of practicing and studying the art
and science or relationships, and I can't wait to share it with you!

If you are interested in learning more, booking me as a speaker
with your organization or group, or coming to see me in New York City
for counseling or education, feel free to contact me at
Shouldless@gmail.com, or call me at 347-227-7707.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Summer of 2012 is going down in my mind as the best ever.
Even though, like you, I am witnessing record breaking heat, random acts of
violence, an unstable economy, and a nasty political campaign. At the same
time, I am feeling more joy, fulfillment, and potential than at any other point
in my life. Why? Because I have been reading new books written by
two of my living heroes that have completely changed the game for me on how I'm
approaching this thing called "world."

The first is written by spiritual leader, author, and "demotivational
speaker," Jacob
Glass. For the last two decades, Glass has shared his
messages of wisdom, inspiration, and peace with mass audiences in the Southern
California region. He has assisted tens of thousands of people (myself
included) in making permanent changes by eliminating toxic relationships, and
finding ways to pursue dreams with humor, patience, and love. Now anyone
can access his work. His latest book, "Starve
A Bully, Feed A Champion" provides a series of helpful and insightful
tips for coping with the stressors that we are all facing in today's
world. Chapters such as, "An Attitude of Gratitude," "Just Like Me!", "The
Proof Is In The Fruitage," and "A World Of Wonder", offer essential tips for
helping you to see the world, and your relationships with others, in a
completely fresh way. It reminds me that although I cannot change the
violence, the extreme weather, or political mudslinging, I do choose how I
experience and react it to it.

The other book that is helping me tap into a whole new level of empowerment
and self-efficacy this summer is titled, "The
Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive."
Written by New York Times best-selling author Brendon
Burchard, "The Charge" offers a concise and brilliant outline that
helps the reader, regardless of your location or situation, access a focused and
conscientious ascension in your daily life. It helps you to note where you
are getting "stuck", and then how to take focused and intelligent steps in a
healthier direction. What I love about Burchard's work is that he presents
profoundly instructive concepts in ways that are down-to-earth, easy-to-follow,
ethical, and effective. His ideas are grounded in Positive Psychology, a
decade of training some of the world's top speakers, and advances in
Neuroscience. I began reading his books and studying his trainings about a
year ago. And I can honestly tell you that his information has made a
substantial difference in my work, in my income, and most importantly, in the
joy I experience on a day-to-day basis.

In my
private psychotherapy practice in New York City I help individuals
and couples cope with feelings related to global and personal violence,
challenges in relationships, and the basic "blahs" of daily living. While
each person's emotional experience is unique and personal, I have found
unequivocally that emotional pain becomes alleviated when perspective is
changed. When one stops fighting reality with "shoulds", and begins living
reality with humility and acceptance, then they make room for emotional
changes. My work helps people understand how they can integrate tools of
healing, growth, and resilience, into every day situations and
circumstances. To learn more, feel free to respond to this email, or call
me at 347-227-7707. Also feel free to check out my Therapick
profile where you can see a short video of my work, and free profiles of other
therapists in your area.

So please don't let these long hot messy days bring you down. Take back
your mind, take back your mood, take back your life by checking out
this new reading material. Let me know how I can help.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Loving someone with a severe mental illness is challenging. But
losing that person to suicide is one of the hardest things a family can
ever go through. Surviving such a loss takes patience, courage, hope,
and even humor. Fortunately, New York playwright Richard Sheinmel has
brought all of these elements together in his groundbreaking new play, "Lost In Staten Island," now playing through July 1st at La Mama in Manhattan, 74E E.4th Street in the East Village, for only $18.

Based on true events that took place in Sheinmel's family, "Lost In Staten Island"
offers the audience a glimpse of how a family absorbs the shock and
horror of losing a son and a brother in such a tragic way. After the
death of his brother, the character of Mitch (Sheinmel) must return home
to accompany his mother on a day full of difficult but necessary tasks.
Alternately humorous and heartfelt, the drive takes them to unexpected
places, where nerves are bared, secrets revealed, and confessions made.
Although he grew up in “the forgotten borough,” he finds the familiar
roads hard to navigate when landmarks change.

I am proud to be hosting a discussion panel following the performance on Thursday, June 28th,
that will address the themes brought up in the play, and will help the
audience learn practical and effective ways to survive such
devastation. I am thrilled to be joined on stage by following panel:

Richard Sheinmel (Playwright, Performer) was born
on Coney Island, and is a graduate of both LaGuardia HS for Music
and the Performing Arts and NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. His produced plays include Downtown Dysfunctionals (librettist; Zipper Theater, 2001) where he met his longtime collaborator composer and lyricist Clay Zambo, Jitter (Arclight Theatre, 2006), and the Modern Living series which began in 2006, in the club at La MaMa ETC and is currently now playing, of which the Post Modern Living edition was published in “Plays and Playwrights 2011” and is available for download at IndieTheaterNow.com. For more information or to contact Richard go towww.sheinmel.com.

Deniece
Chi (Family Coordinator at National Alliance On Mentally Ill) turned to NAMI for help in January 2005, two weeks
after her daughter Lucy was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. A single
mom at the time, Deniece decided to educate herself about her daughter’s
condition, particularly since she was finding that the existence of
mental illness was often denied in her Caribbean culture. Her commitment to the program led to her
hire in January 2010 as NAMI-NYC Metro’s Family and Basics Coordinator
and State Trainer. Since then, Deniece has taught over 50 classes and
has graduated over 500 parents and professionals. Deniece has been
instrumental in NAMI-NYC Metro’s use of NAMI Basics to train workers in
the child welfare system and parent advocates in the mental health and
child welfare systems. She is honored to be able to help family members
find the support, respect and services that they deserve.

Kathy McGuire (Volunteer with American Foundation For Suicide Prevention) provides support, aid, and comfort to those who
have lost someone to suicide after losing her own father to suicide in
1971. Her day job is a Sales Assistant with a Wall Street brokerage
firm. Kathy was born and raised in New York City in the exact middle of the baby
boom and remained a lifetime resident. Her favorite things in the
world: swimming, kayaking, birdwatching, book clubs, and the Russian Bath-House. Ongoing reminder to herself: To get to LaMama ET more
often.

So please consider joining me for a night of entertainment, education,
and healing. Even if you can't come on June 28th, the show is
definitely worth seeing. Tickets are only $18 and available for purchase here.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

History was made this past month when President Obama endorsed
same-sex marriage in the United States. There has been much media
coverage and celebration of this courageous and progressive statement.
But what I find missing in all the arguments around same-sex marriage is
how people intend to maintain the quality of their equality.
In a country where over half of heterosexual marriages end in divorce,
do GLBT couples truly want to replicate the exact same dynamics? Or is
there a way to change the approach to couple-hood so that all relationships can be politically and emotionally satisfying?

Of course I am completely supportive of equal marriage rights for
all. But I am also in favor of couples becoming better educated, more
prepared, and further counseled about taking this legal step in their
relationship. I believe that Marriage Family Therapists like myself
would see a lot less business if people learned basic relationship skill
sets before they committed to a lifetime together. My
psychotherapy practice assists individuals and couples in learning
effective and proactive tools that can be easily implemented outside the
therapy room, so that relationships remain a source of empowerment,
fulfillment, and fun.

I have always believed that arts and entertainment, especially
theater, can be a great source of learning and reflection. To that end, I
am thrilled to be facilitating a panel discussion after "A Dance For Rylie"
on Wednesday, June 13th, at 45 Bleecker Street, at 5pm. This
innovative and groundbreaking musical examines the political and medical
intricacies of a serodiscordant relationship (meaning one is HIV
positive and the other is HIV negative). It demonstrates the essential
role of compassion, communication, and compromise, in building and
sustaining a long term and joyful union. I hope you will join me on
June 13th, or any one of the other performances, for this beautiful and
eloquent play. The tickets are only $18, and are on sale here.

The biggest mistake one can make in a relationship is to wait until
it's over to ask for help. Would you wait until the house burned down
to call the fire department? Then please consider how counseling can
help you maintain the quality of your equality before the arguments, the resentments, and the anger build up. To discuss further, please feel to reach me at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call at 347-227-7707. If you or anyone you know wants to see a video profile of my work, please check out my Therapick page.

I hope your summer is starting "should-less"! Let me know how I can help.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I recently was listening to a podcast during which a discussion ensued about the importance of effective HIV prevention, education tools. and fundraisers like the AIDS Walk. During this dialogue, the guest repeatedly told the hosts, "It goes without saying...", as if everyone was in unanimous agreement about how to help prevent HIV, and this "should" have already be known. This exchange made me realize how assumptions, shaming, and "shoulds" can impair effective communication not only in public spheres, but in personal relationships.

From where I sit, nothing goes without saying. It doesn't matter if you are communicating to a million listeners, or one primary partner, believing that something just goes without saying, and you shouldn't have to use words to express yourself, greatly impairs your ability to relate with others, to build trust, and to form deeper connections. Nothing compromises a relationship as much as verbally shutting down. When someone says "I shouldn't have to __________[show affection, say 'thank you', give attention, or say 'I love you']", they are literally damaging the structure of their relationship, and creating a breeding ground of disconnection, fear, and withdrawal.

My private practice assists individuals and couples learn how to use effective communication strategies that enable deeper intimacy and joy with others. A significant part of that has included challenging and unlearning harmful "shoulds" that impair one's ability to connect and build loving relationships with others. And another essential ingredient involves reducing the amount of assumptions and misunderstandings that take place verbally and non-verbally throughout the course of a relationship. It is through these changes that it becomes possible to make choices and decisions that allow loving connections with others to flourish. If you are interested in learning more, please don't hesitate to contact me at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call me at 347-227-7707. Or to see a video preview of my work, please check out my Therapick profile where you can see me and dozens of other therapists in your area. Late night appointments are available on request.

Speaking of communication and HIV/AIDS services, I am proud to be walking again this year in the 2012 New York AIDS Walk. The funds raised provide meals, medical care, mental health, and case management services that maximize the quality and quantity of life for people living with HIV. If you are able, please donate what you can here.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

You've Heard Relationships Covered From Every Perspective...Except This One

Relating with other humans doesn't have to be that complicated! Why do the majority of relationships end in pain, hurt, and anger? Because most people are never taught the intelligent and practical tools and skills necessary for finding and enhancing serenity, joy, and gratitude in an intimate relationship. They are at a loss as to how to maintain authentic connections with other humans on a consistent basis. They don’t have role models or guides to demonstrate and teach the intricacies of negotiations and compromise. They don’t understand that love, attention, respect, and honor, are given to one’s self before they can be truly received from someone else.

After 15 years of helping couples and individuals in relationships, I have found certain "pillars" to be the present in all successful relationship "structures." These are:

**Integrity**Communication**Compassion**Responsibility**Compromise

As with any structure, these pillars need to be proactively attended to and reinforced consistently in order to weather the storms and stressors of every day living. This workshop will offer participants the opportunity to learn fun and effective ways to integrate these pillars into their every day relationships.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I recently had the good fortune to spend time with a five-month-old
child. He was patient, calm, loving, totally open to giving and
receiving kindness and affection. He did not have to be told that he
was valuable or perfect, he simply lived that truth. I found
myself wanting to protect him from the inevitable messages he will
receive from this world - that somehow he is not good enough, strong
enough, deserving enough. I wanted him to grow up remembering every
day: YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Sadly, most people grow up being told
the opposite. Children are rarely given clear and effective
instructions of how to dismiss toxic messages that instruct that
difference is bad, individuality is inferior, emotions are weak. Adults
tend to internalize these messages and use them to negatively perceive
themselves as "old," "fat," "addicted," "damaged," "weary,"
"unaccomplished," "infected," "disappointed," "unlovable," and
"inadequate." These pejorative labels then become the templates upon
which people build unhealthy relationships, make harmful decisions, and
suffer great emotional difficulty.

It doesn't have to be this way!! My book "Absolutely Should-less" offers a step-by-step guide to challenging and unlearning any
message that suggests you are not worthy, not valuable, not good
enough. My therapy practice helps people understand there is no
universal committee that is judging how much you should weigh, how much
money you should be making, whom you should and shouldn't be attracted
to, or what you should look like. These are all internalized messages
people receive that are designed to make them depressed, powerless,
defeated, and consequently spend money on products they don't really
need.

Clearly, a newborn child needs no help in this area. But
as adults living in this world, we need to be disciplined and determined
to challenge and dispute harmful or painful beliefs. Therapy can
help. To learn more about my work, or to find a therapist in your area,
please feel free to check out my Therapick profile. From
there you can also search for therapists in your area, and see a 2-3
minute video describing how each counselor works. This service empowers
the consumer to investigate and learn more about the professional they
may wish to see.

My private practice assists individuals and
couples learn the long-held (and usually unconscious) thought patterns
that result in anger, stress, depression, hopelessness, and suffering. I
have found unequivocally that when people challenge and alter certain
beliefs they experience a sense of relief, calm, satisfaction, and
empowerment. It is through these changes that it is possible
to make affirmative and effective decisions that last a lifetime! If
you are interested in learning more, please don't hesitate to contact me
at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call me at 347-227-7707.
I hope you have a wonderful spring, and let me know how I can help!

Monday, November 7, 2011

This marks the fifteenth year I have been working in the the mental health profession. The one thing that I have seen remain constant from year to year is the amount of stress that takes place during the last two months of each calendar year.

For many people, the
holiday season can be a time of fear, guilt, sorrow, loss, social
pressures, and financial pressures. For the first time ever, I am
offering my tried-and-true tips to experiencing "should-less"
holidays. In this FREE video series, I will guide you through each
step toward challenging and unlearning stressful "shoulds" around
spending money, giving gifts, and navigating social obligations.

In this series I cover:

-The "Should Pie" for challenging stressful holiday "shoulds."
-The 7 simple questions you can use to reduce and eliminate any harmful "should."
-The 5 Tips For Reducing Gift Giving Guilt
-How to incorporate these tools into the rest of your life 365 days a year.

Please come visit me at www.shouldless.com and learn how to make the rest of the year a time of joy, fun, and fulfillment!

Damon L. JacobsLicensed Marriage Family Therapist

I am a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in New York and California. My sixteen years of work have allowed me to develop comprehensive and effective tools for reducing stress and depression while increasing peace and happiness. I specialize in treating Addictions, Obsessions/Compulsions, Anxiety and Panic, Caretaking Fatigue, Social Conflict Resolution, Depression, Anger Management, Gender Identity & Transition, Grief and Loss, HIV related issues (including coping with a new diagnosis) and Sexual Identity & Coming Out, all with a sensitivity toward diverse cultural and spiritual backgrounds. My writing brings these elements together in fresh ways in order to challenge and eliminate harmful "shoulds" in my book Absolutely Should-less.

I am now accepting new clients in the Flatiron neighborhood of Manhattan. In addition to my therapy practice, I educate and recruit for HIV Vaccine Clinical Trials through Project Achieve, and also regularly contribute features regarding the social and psychological relevance of soap operas at We Love Soaps TV.

If you are interested in scheduling a counseling appointment, please send me an email at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call me 347-227-7707. I accept ComPsych insurance, and otherwise use a reasonable sliding scale. Late night appointments are available.