My first high school was in this awesome old building. How awesome? Down in the basement like cafeteria the walls were painted in a mural of what I imagine at the time of inception was very popular musical acts.

The Who and I think Elton John. There was some others but for the life of me I can’t think of what they were right now. I’d look in my yearbook but I think those are in the black hole that is my parent’s basement storage room.

(I shit you not there is a baby swing down there circa 1978. I’m waiting to see my mom show up on Antiques Roadshow with that thing and look all disheartened when they tell her it isn’t worth the gas she used to drive there.)

Moving on.

School was old.

How old?

So old that one day I was sitting in health class (shout out to Ms. V- the best PE/Health teacher I had) and noticed that the walls looked for lack of a better word, fuzzy. They weren’t fuzzy like the walls in our church in Montana which for some god only knows reason they had put up a wallpaper that had a velvet like pattern in the color of snot. Imagine trying to get your worship on in Liberace’s sinuses. It was gross. But the walls at the school weren’t like that.

It was more like when plaster starts to bubble and crack and there’s a bunch of little pustules in the wall. Jesus this is starting to sound like the walls were being infected by the Flood (I don’t imagine many people who read this will get that reference but it is what it is).

Back to my point. I would not be at all surprised if someday I (and the hundreds who also attended that school in it’s last days in the old building) end up needing a Mesothelioma support group. Because those walls? That shit ain’t natural.

Unless asbestos is a naturally occurring substance that just happens to have numerous adverse effects in which case the saying “ain’t natural” doesn’t apply at all. But I have little desire for factual integrity here so I’m going with ain’t natural anyway.

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About Amanda Broyles

Amanda is amazing. Amanda is spectacular. Amanda is humble.
Amanda is also a full time college student so take pity on her and don't complain when her TV reviews aren't up immediately following an episode.