get himself together. Let's say you're in your 30s, you own your own home, own car, great career, no kids. You meet a great man the same age as you (he's hilarious, smart, tall, dark, & handsome, no kids)....he has all the personality traits (and look) you're looking for EXCEPT he doesn't have his financial $hit together. He's looking for a better job, trying to go school, get a better car, and take care of his credit. On one hand I say help him out, motivate him, help build the brotha up....but.....on the other hand I'm like yall the same damn age so why couldn't he have gotten his stuff together by now too.

Would you wait for him to get this $hit together or would you keep it moving?

Okay, you have got to think of Black men JUST like other men. They do not need your pity nor for you to prop them up because they are having a hard time. DUH! They will resent you for it in the end and dump you.

He is a man … so let him be a man. Geesh!

I think your relationship with this fella is ‘star crossed’ and ill-timed because if at this moment you are doing well, on your feet, financially, etc and you say he is trying to enroll in school so that he can gain an education and get a decent job, pay off his debt and get on his feet?

Well, then basically he is starting all over again … at ground 0.

This means you will have years and years of ‘waiting’ for him to work his way up to your level and in all that time .. do you think he is going to want to be with a woman that has to pay for dinner, pay for vacations, pay for pretty much anything that cost more than a movie and a box of popcorn? He may even have another setback have to start all over again … twice.

Nooo. Maybe it will be okay in the beginning but as you earn more, try nicer things .. the further away he will fade into the background … this will be crushing to his ego.

Likely he will meet some nice girl in school who is doing worse than him. She’s got a good personality etc. too but she LOOKS UP to him for a change so he can play the ‘man’ with her! This is the natural order of things afterall.

So then you would have wasted your prime baby-making years on a man...that has moved on without you. Maybe that was not his intention … but life happens.

I think if you like this guy, sure you can remain friends but DATE other men because you deserve to have a real relationship and move on with your life.

(Maybe in 10 years after he has broken up with several gfs and you have broken up with several bfs AND he is on his feet .. you can make a go of it. But .. this would be a BIG maybe so don't hold your breath.)

But as it stands – NO, do not wait on this man to get it together. Date other guys.

You are without a doubt.. the epitome of the ideal product of patriarchal conditioning.

You are so conditioned, you call it natural. Your conditioning is so successful, not once have you ever thought you may be conditioned.

You are the kind of slave Harriet Tubman wished she could save but could not because said slaves did not realize they were slaves. I think you're a smart person but damn. Florida Evans damn damn damn.

Him to get a Grown man job, his credit together, his toe to stop hurting so he can work, him to start Intro to Biology at 34, him to be able to afford to feed you from a spot that dont have a drive thru. You know stuff that is not important.

I think I would keep in touch with him such as going out frm time to time, talking on the phone, maybe even sex. But i dont think I would make a serious relationship out of it until he is on the same financial leval(if not better) than me.

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