Friday, March 11, 2011

Insert Extremely Cheap Fist Style Here

The entire world of 300X was at ultimate peace and prosperity. Ever since the destruction of the entire Maruhage Empire by the two new warriors that had fell from the sky. Their names were Rando Sam Haru Adam Hikaru Yami Mish, and Usagi Ami Rei Makoto Minako Chibiusa Haruka Michiru Setsuna Hotaru Mash. Just a week previously they had fallen from the sky, conveniently on top of a certain blue jelly man with serious issues. It turns out that they had been incredible heroes in their own world, and the only True Fist practitioners. Rando's Fist was called Fist of Power, and was the increasing of one's power infinitely, which meant that the one using it could never lose. Usagi's Fist was called Fist of Planet, and it was the manipulation of the planets and their power to win any fight. Upon arriving, they quickly fought and defeated every member of the Nonsense Team at once, and then proceeded to defeat the entire Maruhage Empire in a single attack from each. After this, they quickly pursued Heppokomaru and Beauty. This was easy, since Rando looked so perfect that he put statues to shame, and Usagi looked just as perfect, so they soon got what they wanted. However, that was all about to change.

It was a bright and sunny day. The entire Nonsense Team, Rando and Usagi included, was sitting, was on the verge of having a picnic in a grassy meadow with a hill at the end of it. They were just starting to unpack when two voices in total unison shouted "STOP!" at the tops of their lungs. The entire group turned, and gasped. There, standing on the hill, were two extremely strange people. One was at least 5'8, and was dressed all in black, wearing the Shakespearian mask of tragedy, and holding a short and plain sword, wit ha straw hat on his head. The other was a boy of around 16, but tall, with short brown hair, an all white outfit, and a black bladed sword and a golden hilt studded with gems. On the center of his forehead was the Japanese kanji for magic, literally burned into his scalp.

"Who are you?" Rando asked, grinning at the prospect of a battle.

"I'm Michael…" the black clad figure said.

"and I'm Willie!" the white clad figure continued.

"We are from the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and we are here to end your reign of fandom pollution!" they said in unison again, bringing a grin to Usagi's face as well.

"Well, took you guys long enough to show up. And what's with two of you. Afraid that we're too powerful for just one member?" she said, her voice sounding like smooth, sleek poisoned milk.

"Actually, I'm just here to help Willie here out. This is his first mission for the Society, and I want to make sure that he doesn't mess up. Now, Willie, shed some light on the situation!" Michael shouted, prompting a grin from Willie.

"With pleasure. Revelation of Truth!" he shouted, shining a bright light from his sword which struck the Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu with incredible force! After a few moments, the light faded, and when it did, everything but the self-inserts were frozen, and the two over-perfects were not what they used to be. Rando now had skin that was gray and rough, tentacles instead of feet, and snakes instead of fingers. Usagi now had a face that would turn Medusa to stone, a body that looked misshapen and fat, nubs for fingers and hands, and feat that were giant pimples.

"Ahh! What did you do to us?" Rando and Usagi shouted, horrified at the loss of their beauty.

"That was my Revelation of Truth attack. I am a master of magic, and when I combined my sword with Society technology, I was able to create awesome attacks. This one takes people, or demons in your case, and turns their inner beauty into their outer beauty. Therefore, you changed from perfect on the outside, to hideous caricatures. It also freezes canon, giving us time to fight, " he said, prompting a gasp from Rando.
"But that sounds like something that…" he began, before Willie cut him off.

"A Gary-Stu would have as an attack? Yes it is. But it also is an attack that the major character of a fandom would have. Think about it," he said, right before realization dawned on Rando's face.

"You mean.." he said, right before Willie cut him off again.

"Yes, Rando. I am the major character of a fandom, or rather was before I joined the Society. But more on that later. Michael, I'll take Little Miss Perfect. You take Gary," Willie said, before rushing off to find Usagi, who had run off just as Rando realized that Willie was a major character.

"Glad to," Michael said, before entering a stance with his sword, and rushing toward Rando.

"Fool! Even hideous, I still have all my powers! Super Fist of-" Rando shouted right before Michael leaped up and slapped a Prohibitor on his wrist, removing all of his powers, and canceling his attack in its tracks. Michael landed quickly, and decided to throw theatrics to the wind, and end the battle quickly. Once he reached this decision, he grinned and plunged his sword through Rando's chest! Rando, caught completely off guard, could do nothing but cough up blood before Michael removed his sword and leaned in close to him, grinning.

"And so ends all Gary-Stus. Burn in Hell for a thousand years or more," he whispered before Rando's eyes lolled back into his head, and he collapsed to the ground and disintegrated. "Well, that takes care of that. I wonder how Willie's doing," he asked himself, a thoughtful look on his face.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

Meanwhile, at the other side of the meadow, Willie and Usagi were having a dramatic staredown, both grinning. "Well, aren't you going to pull a Prohibitor on me?" she asked mockingly.

"I prefer to trust my magic and sword skills. Besides, I want to fight you at full power," Willie said, preparing to attack her with his blade.

"Okay. Your funeral. Super Fist of Planets! Mercury's Wave!" she shouted, before a giant wave of water shot out from her hands and moved to crush Willie! But, before it could, he quickly slashed it in two, and, rushing over to Usagi, slashed her multiple times before ramming the hilt into her stomach, knocking her down and planting his foot on her chest.

"Any last words before I send you to hell?" he asked calmly.

"Yes. Look: An innocent child about to fall into a alligator pit!" she shouted. Willie gasped, and quickly turned around, getting his foot off Usagi's chest. He saw nothing, but then heard a soft whirring noise behind him. He turned again, but was only able to see a plothole closing, with Usagi in it. Once the plothole had vanished, he blinked, and then shouted out in anger! He screamed for a good 2 minutes, and by the time he was done, Michael was already right next to him.

"What happened?" he asked.

"She got away, and all because I fell for the 'child in danger' routine," he said, sadness and frustration filling his voice.

"Relax, kid. Everyone fails his or her first time," he said, grinning. At that moment, Willie noticed that his mask was gone, and had been gone since a minute after the mission started.

"That statement kinda loses its meaning when you say it, since you didn't fail your first mission," he said, laughing, and making Michael laugh with him.

"Alright, alright, I see your point. But, let's change the subject. How did you, the major character of a fandom find his way into the Society? And what fandom are you from, anyway?" he asked, causing Willie to get a grim look on his face.

"Are you sure? It's a long story," he said, prompting a larger grin from Michael.

"We have time," he said, causing Willie to sigh.

"Alright. Sit down. This will take awhile," Willie said, before he and Michael sat down on the soft grass. "Back in my fandom, I was the major hero, a warrior of magic blessed by a goddess. Everything was as perfect as a fandom is normally, as in a major villain, several monsters-of-the-day, etc. It was great. But then, she came along. It was that Mary-Sue you guys have been pursuing for ages, Willowe something or other. She came, seduced my allies, turned my foes good, and drove me out of the spotlight. I was furious, but then I began to think. Why wasn't I subjected to her charms, and made her follower? After several weeks of thinking, it hit me. I was a self-insert," Willie said, prompting a gasp from Michael.

"What? A self-insert at the head of a fandom? How is that possible?" he asked, surprise filling his voice.

"That's what I thought. But then I realized something else. What if this entire world was a self-insert? I did some research, and found everything out. An aspiring fanfiction author wanted to create an extremely powerful character, but hated Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus. So he decided to create an entire world, and but me as the main character. That way, I could be as powerful as he wanted me to be, without becoming a Gary-Stu. Once I found this out, and found out that I was an author avatar, like you guys, I left my world, found the Society, joined, and you know the rest," he said, frowning as he did so.

"Wow. That was incredible," Michael said, his mouth opened wide.

"Yeah, I know. Pretty weird isn't it?" Willie said, starting to grin.

"Yeah. Anyway, let's get going. We better tell Tash that we got half our mission completed, and we have a new Mary-Sue on the loose," Michael said, grinning.

"Good idea. You know Michael, I think that this may be the start of a beautiful friendship," Willie said before getting up and opening a plothole.

"You're probably right, Willie. You're probably right," Michael said, before grinning, getting up, and then the two Society members walked through the plothole, ready to fight any foe, even a sugar-deprived Tash upon hearing bad news.