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Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 5: "Charity Drive" Quotes

Michael: Hey, I can't believe you. I asked you two weeks ago whether we should use Dad's car, and you said it would be bad form. Now, I hear you're driving it!Gob: That is a lie. A bald-faced lie.Narrator: Gob was lying. He had been driving his father's car.

Michael: (on the phone with Lindsay, after he had said she was uncharitable) Hello?Lindsay: I'm in the wetlands. I've got a poker thing and I'm going to clean them up. So, the next time you wanna tell me that I'm uncharitable, why don't you just ask yourself, who called you from the wetlands?Michael: Who is this?Lindsay: Nice try. You're the selfish one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some nature to save.(Lindsay hits the ground with her 'poker', and a frog makes a croaking sound)Lindsay: (Lindsay gasps) AAAAH!

Michael: Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.Lindsay: The wetlands.Michael: To do what with them?Lindsay: Dry them.Michael: Save them.

George Sr.: I'm under a lot of pressure here. I'm trying to get my newsletter off the ground. I'm trying to decide which gang to align myself with.Michael: Is it pledge week already?George Sr.: I've got it down to two. But honestly, I don't even want to choose. I just feel... I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.

I mean, I guess it would just be a guy who you know, grabs bananas and runs. Or, um, a banana that grabs things. I don't know why. Why would a banana grab another banana? I mean, those are the kind of questions I don't want to answer.

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George Michael: Save yourself. I'll take the hit. My record's clean. Well, I got my bike seat stolen once, but I don't think it counts on your record if you're the victim. I mean, there is a record, but it's not like --Maeby: Yeah, thanks. I'll take the rap next time we do something like this, okay?