APRIL 1, 1953 – Third District Supervisor Marvin Loveless has been implicated in the United Nations’ nefarious Agenda 20, an initiative that promotes unsustainable development and economic inequality over the second half of the 20th century.

Were it implemented in the U.S.A., Agenda 20 could lead to all manner of useless and impractical transportation projects, relaxed development standards and political initiatives funded by anonymous donors, some wealthy. President Dwight Eisenhower has warned of such consequences.

The accusation has been advanced by Sharon Blanks, the unsuccessful and embittered challenger in the recent Third District Supervisor election, who wrote a My Word editorial in the Humboldt Times newspaper titled, “Look Out for Heavy Hand of the U.N. in County Planning Process.” In it, Blanks asserts that Agenda 20 uses a “Cold War mind-control technique” to impose social engineering on the masses while convincing them that it was their idea.

Over the next 50 to 60 years, the county is planning to focus new development away from existing urban areas where it makes sense and into sprawling suburbs in remote locations like McKinleyville, an area currently so undeveloped that it won’t even have a post office for two more years. The plan also seeks to increase car use and driving distances by locating new housing far away from jobs and commercial services.

Loveless has pushed for a package of tax breaks and incentives to stimulate conversion of working farmland into “all-American asphalt.”

“We conquered the Axis Powers, and now it’s Mother Nature’s turn,” Loveless brayed. “She claims to be our ‘friend,’ and you know who else did that? Hitler!”

Blanks was not assuaged, championing what she claimed were some fancy, newfangled thing she called “sustainable values.”

“They’re using social engineering to take people out of walkable communities with lots of nearby services and amenities and forcing them into suburbs so that they’ll have to drive everywhere,” Blanks whinged. “They’re limiting our choices!”

Forcing people to drive more is a part of a larger strategy to accelerate the plunder and depletion of the Earth’s resources, according to Blanks. Other aspects of Agenda 20 include damming rivers, draining wetlands, clearcutting forests, strip-mining the hills and generally paving the living shit out of everything in sight. Under the plan, anything left growing would be sprayed with poisons until the only green left is money.

Before he was elected, Loveless was the leader of the Hefty Humboldt Coalition, a special interest group that advocates for getting people off of their feet and into their cars. The group also supports greater ADA access for Auto-Dependent Americans by expanding use of drive-up windows until no one ever has to leave their car again.

Loveless has asked the Humboldt State College engineering department to investigate the possibility of strapping small gasoline engines to children’s backs, with a mechanical linkage to their skeletal structures to help the kids “run their fastest and jump their highest.”

Under his proposal, children who fail IQ tests administered at age four would be designated “tanker tots,” and charged with wearing full-body rubber bladders filled with gasoline to act as roving refueling stations for the more able, hot-rodded kids.

The elite, gas-powered youths would be tattooed with a prestigious “Team 20” on their foreheads. Loveless noted that the transmission system would assist students with marching in lockstep when they become soldiers and then disabled veterans later in life.

In a letter presented to the Board of Supervisors, Blanks wrote “I urge the Board to convene a Grand Jury investigation into whether Supervisor Loveless has violated his oath of office by serving his U.N. overlords instead of our community.”

Loveless questioned why anyone would have a problem with un-sustainable development. “We all know that the Earth’s resources are infinite, and we should be able to plunder them with reckless abandon without ever having to think about the completely logical and predictable consequences of our actions,” he reasoned.