it's morning in america

Trump Asked For White House Job, Wanted To Build Obama a Ballroom

What did Donald Trump use to do for “fun,” before he started accusing Barack Obama of being a Kenyan space lizard with lousy SAT scores? Oh, you know, he would drunk dial David Axelrod and beg him for a job, of course. Zounds! Probably best to take a pinch from the snuff box before you proceed. Ready for this?: Donald Trump contacted David Axelrod in June and asked “to be put in charge of the operation in the gulf to seal the oil leak.” (Haha, he wanted to “fire” all of the sea creatures, probably, and watch as they burst into flames. Because that’s what happens when you mix fire and oil-soaked dead baby dolphins.) Anyway, historians tell us that Donald Trump was not put in charge of butt-plugging the oil leak, because Obama knew that would have been an impeachable offense. In a different embarrassing exchange, Donald told Axelrod, “I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.” Yes, he wanted to build the White House a ballroom that would “cost maybe $100 million,” completely for free. Aww. Donald Trump is a schizophrenic. [WaPo]

The weather Insanity in the South continues: “Baseball-sized hail” has been pummeling Arkansas, and Missouri’s levees are just about ready to explode. Please stay safe, everyone! [CNN]

An alleged al-Qaeda militant suspected of blowing up hotels and churches in Pakistan was (is?) an informant for MI6, the spooky British Secret Intelligence Service. Who are we fighting again? [BBC]

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

All they had to do was stuff Donald head first into the blowout. Seems like his hair would have absorbed all that oil & the baby dolphins would be alive now. Why does Barry hate the Gulf Coast? Oh, Haley Barbour & Bobby Jindal, got it!

“I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.” Sounds like a pickup line in a geriatric clinic.

BaldarTFlagass

The name's Bond, Muhammad Bond.

freakishlywrong

Well, Trump won. The vaunted Long Form was released this a.m. I'm ashamed of this country, of wingnuts, and Donald Trump should be spit on at every opportunity. What a disgrace. This, of course, will not shut them up. He could dye his hair blonde and bleach himself and these awful racists would still bray.

Dr_Zoidberg

Unfortunately, you're pretty accurate. I wish that the birth certificate hadn't been released at all…but maybe the asinine birthers will finally shut the hell up.

freakishlywrong

What he released was sufficient for every white mother fucking President we've ever had. They'll never stop.

Dr_Zoidberg

Damn right. I don't recall this kind of bullshit with any presidents in my lifetime (42 years). Why don't these asswipes just come out and admit they're racist?

BobSalem

The really funny part of all this is the fact the Trump is not a Republican and has supported the dumocraps most of his life and has donated much, much more money to the dumocraps. Hillary Clinton started all the questions about his birth certificate, not the Republicans yet all you people claim it is the right wing birthers.

SorosBot

Nice job just flat-out lying again! Clinton had nothing to do with that. But hey, we can't expect much in the way of facts from someone who actually denies the proven reality of global warming.

BobSalem

You are the one flat out lying here. Or are you simply trying to rewrite history as usual? Billary was the one all over Obummer during the dumocraps primary and now she didn’t start the questioning about it. Very comical that you would even try to deny it. However is it not unexpected from libpuke. And as for global warming issue, you are nothing but a fool and a tool box.

SorosBot

Billary? Obummer? Dumocraps? Libpuke? Man, you are even dumber than usual when you try to be funny. And here you are again, proving you are a moron by denying proven science. Tell me, do you believe in creationism / "intelligent design" too? How about denying heliocentrism, or claiming Earth is flat?

SorosBot

All this will do is encourage them; next he'll release his college transcripts, and they'll demand his first grade report cards.

mumbly_joe

BUT IT STILL SEZ CERTIFICATE OF LIVE BIRTH NOT BIRTH CERTIFICATE #justforinstance

NorthStarSpanx

Yeah, why wouldn't the most powerful office building in the land take a free-of-charge $50 million ballroom from a thrice-bankrupted Realtor?

Build a golf course in Ireland and then get back to us, The Donald.

Captain_Quark

So, Donald T. Rump wants to plug a hole. How is this not buttsex at the bottom of the sea?

bureaucrap

It MUST be a forgery – it's too authentic-looking. There's simply no possible way a person named HUSSEIN could be born in the United States.

Dr_Zoidberg

That's what I'm thinking. It was photoshopped!!!

El Pinche

We're assuming he was even born at all. You guys are thinking like you were state educcated or somthing.

I know some of the people on that project; it's very sad. They designed some really revolutionary antenna feeds. I'm not sure their goal was very worthy, but there were some hella smart people working on it.

NorthStarSpanx

Curious how the weather insanity quickly brings out demands for Big Government.

And a health scare.

And a corporate swindle.

And a foreclosure.

And a pothole.

And a single toll lane open on Easter.

WinterOuthouse

sTrumpet got his feelings hurt. In typical middle school fashion, he decided to be mean to the President by running against him on trumped up charges.

SorosBot

No.

WinterOuthouse

Nope. They won't know if it is real or a really really good fake

BaldarTFlagass

Given their response to the Kenyan birth certificate that Oily Taint pulled out of her snatch last year, they can't even tell the difference between real and really really bad fakes.

At first I thought, "How could you spend $100 million on something and still have it come out looking cheap and tacky?" then I remembered that they spent $1 billion on Cowboys Stadium and got the same results.

SorosBot

As the South is the home to most of the nation's global warming denialists, and they're now facing serious consequences of the global warming that is actually happening right now, would it be wrong to laugh at their suffering?

anniegetyerfun

Haha, the Onion's article about impending blood storms is actually really fucking right on the nose, then.

Pragmatist2

"Ballroom" as in – "the room where Donald Trump would store the massive balls it takes for him to think he is in any way qualified to be President?"

Schmannnity

I believe Clinton's balling room will suffice.

harry_palmer

“I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.”

Not getting his wish sparked his Presidential ambition, sort of like Lincoln when they wouldn't outlaw slavery.

You know how your dog whines and whines and whines and you finally give him a biscuit because you just can't stand the whining any more? Does that shut him up? Only as long as it takes him to chew and swallow. Then it just gets louder.

emmelemm

I'm late to reading this morning thread, but I HAVE to say: best analogy ever!

Arguing with the shitwit just encourages it. Although if it is cathartic for you, please continue. I just hate seeing it smear it's feces all over the drapes, and it does a lousy job licking it all clean.

AJW@[redacted]

FAKE! "African" is not a race!!1!

Negropolis

You try to tell that to a birther. Hell, I'm sure they probably still call us Ethiopes.

Pretty sure the WH already has a ballroom. Why can't Trump offer something useful, like an Advanced Center for Practicing Infanticide or some such?

BobSalem

Ah shucks now, aren’t all you asswipes special (special needs that is). If you assholes pulled your heads out of your asses and smelled what you assholes are shoveling all the time you would realize that you assholes are all neck deep in your own shit piles. I am still ROFLMAO at the possibility you could be an attorney.

doloras

"aren’t all you asswipes special (special needs that is)"

QUIT MAKING FUN OF TRIG ;-(

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

That wasn't "baseball sized hail" in Arkansas. The Mariners' bullpen was just having an unusually rough outing.