Men Express ThemselvesWhere men can share their points of view and more.Where women can learn about men.

DRAWING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

By Russell A. Irving

Who hasn't had 'one of those days'? A day when everything seems to go wrong. From the major events of a job loss or auto accident. Or news of a health crisis. Loss of a loved one. - To things which normally you could shrug off, except that they came on the heels of the aforementioned. Or, so many came at once. A check bounced. The dog went on the rug. You burned dinner. You forgot your wallet or purse at home. - Or...

Point is that these are the days when you should be reaching out to your spouse for that emotional (or physical) hug. Asking them to 'just listen' without judgement. Letting them 'take care of you'.

I cannot count the number of times that I have heard someone say that they wish they could have asked their wife/husband for some sympathy. But, they feared judgement, instead.Or, if describing a really tough day, their spouse has to 'one-up' them, instead of realizing how much their partner in life is hurting. So that the next time, the one hurting won't even try to get appropriate comforting.Sometimes, I hear of a spouse literally ignoring an overture for physical contact at these times. Imagine!

If you are that spouse who is not offering emotional comfort, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?This is Your Lover, Your Life Partner, Your Best Friend... Are you so narcissistic that you can't allow them to take 'center stage'? Even the coldest of folks can muster up some level of compassion, if they try!

On the flip side, there are too many of you who won't allow yourself to ask for or accept emotional support from your spouse. Male or female, you have this facade that you feel must be kept up, at all costs. Perhaps, you were abused as a child or by another lover. Perhaps, you feel so insecure that you fear your spouse will see that, and abandon or make fun of you. Perhaps, someone let you down in a big way, when you did reach out, in a moment of great sorrow or need.

All of that is well and good, except that you supposedly married someone whom you could trust with your very life! Someone whom you trust with your body when making love. You trust to share a home and finances with. Someone who perhaps is the father or stepfather to your children. Someone whom you trust will not harm you while you sleep in the same bed. Whose food you eat. Whose driving you
trust. - Even those who appear fragile or non-supportive, often rise to the occasion in a grand manner, if you only allow them be there for you.Need I go on?

Adding insult to injury, I have heard of spouses refusing to accept or ask for emotional support, and then turning around to a friend or other relative for it. Not giving a thought or care to the fact that their spouse probably feels hurt and rejected by this! Or, not caring how others view the situation. (Believing that the spouse never even cared enough to offer comforting words or actions.)

You cannot legitimately refuse to ask for or accept emotional support and then criticize your wife/ husband. And, as with many other inappropriate reactions, there will undoubtedly be a negative response, when you least want or expect it. Their hurt, frustration, or even anger, at this will undoubtedly show somewhere, sometime in your relationship. And, like it or not, you will be responsible
in large part for it.

Bottom line is that you and your spouse should feed off of one another's energy. And if you are hurting or drained or worried, please let them show you how much you mean to them. How much they can do.