Great Court Quotes

The following article is taken from the New Hampshire
Business Review under the category of lawyers. This was one of
Richard Lederer's columns on Looking at Language.
Original date unknown.

From Mary Louise Gilman's two volumes, here are some great court
quotes, all from official transquips, all recorded by America's
keepers of the word:

Q.

What is your brother-in-law's name?

A.

Borofkin.

Q.

What's his first name?

A.

I can't remember.

Q.

He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you
can't remember his first name?

A.

No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from
the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for
God's sake, tell them your first name!

Q.

Did you ever stay all night with this man in New
York?

A.

I refuse to answer that question.

Q.

Did you ever stay all night with this man in
Chicago?

A.

I refuse to answer that question.

Q.

Did you ever stay all night with this man in
Miami?

A.

No.

Q.

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?

A.

By death.

Q.

And by whose death was it terminated?

Q.

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the
woods?

A.

No, I said he was shot in the lumbar
region.

Q.

What is your name?

A.

Ernestine McDowell.

Q.

And what is your marital status?

A.

Fair.

Q.

Are you married?

A.

No, I'm divorced.

Q.

And what did your husband do before you divorced
him?

A.

A lot of things I didn't know about.

Q.

And who is this person you are speaking of?

A.

My ex-widow said it.

Q.

How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?

A.

Well, a gal down the road had had several of her
children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.

Q.

Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?

A.

I will be three months November 8th.

Q.

Apparently then, the date of conception was August
8th?

A.

Yes.

Q.

What were you and your husband doing at that
time?

Q.

Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are
emotionally unstable?

A.

I should be.

Q.

How many times have you comitted suicide?

A.

Four times.

Q.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on
dead people?

A.

All my autopsies have been performed on dead
people.

Q.

Were you aquainted with the decedent?

A.

Yes, sir.

Q.

Before or after he died?

Q.

Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was
under the influence?

A.

Because he was argumentary and he couldn't
pronunciate his words.

Q.

What happened then?

A.

He told me, he says, “I have to kill you
because you can identify me.”

Q.

Did he kill you?

A.

No.

Q.

Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A.

No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

Q.

Did he pick the dog up by the ears?

A.

No.

Q.

What was he doing with the dog's ears?

A.

Picking them up in the air.

Q.

Where was the dog at this time?

A.

Attached to the ears.

Q.

When he went, had you gone and had she, if she
wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the
restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you,
meaning you and she, with him to the station?

MR. BROOKS:

Objection. That question should be taken
out and shot.

[Before we recess, let's listen to one last exchange involving a
child:]

Q.

And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral.
O.K.? What school do you go to?