KGO-810 AM Newstalk Radio just called and asked me to be in a debate tonight, starting at 6:10 PM (PT) on the subject of “Age of Consent.” That is, what should be the legal age of consent for sex? Usually, I can do these radio interviews in my sleep (and sometimes I do), but this is a tough question. After all, different human beings mature at very different rates. I know some 14-year-olds who are quite mature, physically and emotionally, and can handle sex and all that it entails with responsible awareness. I also know some 40-year-olds who are still too immature to handle sex responsibly. It is simply impossible to come up with a *perfect number* for the legal age of consent that works well for everyone.

That said, I do think that 18 is a little high. Especially when I see 18-year-old guys going to prison and being branded as “sex offenders” for the rest of their lives because they had consensual sex with their 17-year-old girlfriends.

Of course, we need to have some age of legal consent because it shouldn’t be legal for an adult to have sex-for-candy – or any kind of sex – with a child. But what should that age be? Honestly, I’m not sure, but if I have to come up with a number (and for this debate, I do), I’ll say 16. Why 16? Maybe because “Sweet 16” is already considered a mark of sexual maturity in our society. I mean, let’s get real: Isn’t the sex factor the reason that 16 is so “sweet”? Or maybe I’m picking 16 because I had my first sexual intercourse a few weeks after my 16th birthday (with my boyfriend who was 15), and look how great I turned out? ;-) I’m not stuck on 16. It could be 15 or 17. Even 14 (isn’t that the age of consent in New Mexico?).

Keep in mind that just because the age of consent is 16 doesn’t mean anyone HAS to have sex at 16. You can have it anytime you want. It just means the state can’t arrest and imprison a person for having consensual sex with a 16-year-old.

When I had sex at 16, I didn’t even know that I was *underage.* This was the 1970s, and “age of consent” was not the big deal that it is now. Nowadays it is a HUGE deal. Conservatives think that this makes us all more *moral,* but I think that the unnatural focus our society places on teenage sexual *purity* winds up making them even more intense objects of desire for many adults.

Teenagers are maturing faster than ever, physically (thanks to our protein and hormone-rich diets) and emotionally (thanks to the Internet). In that sense, they are ready for sex even earlier than they were in the *old days* of Queen Victoria when 13-year-olds would get married without anyone thinking anything of it. Despite (or perhaps because of ) this high level of maturity, our society makes teenagers sexually taboo, issuing draconian punishments to anyone who touches the little darlings (who are often, thanks to those hormones, bigger than we are). This turns the teenager into forbidden fruit, and we all know how tempting forbidden fruit is. You can see it all over the Internet – sites that trumpet their “Barely Legal Babes,” “Jail Bait,” “Lolitas,” “Cradle-Robbing” and the like. I don’t think so many adults would be interested in teenagers at all if they weren’t so temptingly forbidden. The result is that our society now fetishizes adolescence, and this doesn’t strike me as terribly healthy for anyone.

Anyway, there are no easy answers to this question, which does make it interesting. So tune into the debate on KGO, moderated by Greg Jarrett, and let me know what you think. Remember, if you post a comment here and give me your email address, I will give you a free BACKSTAGE pass. But only if you’re over 18! I may believe the legal age of consent should be lowered, but I do NOT want to break the law.

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In the Chatroom

9 Comments

William Patrick Haines
01 · 9 · 06 @
5:04 pm

Dear DR Block:Thanks for including my comments on your blog. Your piece on the age of sexual consent is very well-written. I think society ought to face up to two things: There is a difference between growing up and growing old, and there really is no Quantum leap in maturity after adolescence. I have seem it first-hand: MOST ADULTS I COME ACROSS REALLY ARE NOT ALL THAT MATURE ! Lack of passion or energy does not equal maturity. Our society puts teenagers in a no-win situation. If they have no intimate relations, then there is something wrong with them. And if they are sexual active, there is something wrong with them. With these kinds of mixed messages, it’s no wonder so many are messed up.

On an unrelated issue – I happen to admire Diane de Poitiers, the exquisite mistress of King Henri II of France; there is much contradictory information about her (I do not know even for sure if Diane was a blonde or a redhead _ I’d prefer the latter), and she is so overshadowed today by the towering image of Catherine de Medicis. Diane was about 20 years older than her king, so that by the time Henri became the monarch at last, his lady love was 48… I wonder just how sexy Diane might have been in her fifties, as she was at the apogee of her fortune and influence. I know that she had her wisdom, noble courage and good advice to offer to Henri, but did she also manage to keep her exciting beauty to the last? I so hope…There are some malicious people writing as if her cold baths and long riding trips and alchemy didn’t spare Diane from the devastating work of Time _ and these who demonstrate that the years had no power over her. What do you think is more truthful, Susan?There are, of course, women who have inspired love in middle age and kept it till death intervened, without the aid of plastic surgery or replacment. The stories of Diane de Poiters and Madame de Maintenon, both of whom in middle age won and kept the love of a king of France who might have had as concubine any of the most beautiful women in the country any time he wanted, are encouraging, if only because they imply that there is more to a woman than two taut breasts and ankles that she can cross behind her head. Neither of these women would have looked good in shorts. The author speaks of Diane with admiration here; on the other hand this writer does not like her at all, but seems to grant her attraction some more endurance:Anyway at dinner Diane de Poitiers aka Madame de Valentois would wear a top that had much gauze and exposed her nipplesâ€”or left them bare. It’s not clear from the French description. and then there’s that magnificent picture that I can’t get out of my head.

As I understand the law here in Oregon, there is no “age of consent” as such. Instead, anyone can have sex with anyone — EXCEPT if you are under 18 you can only have sex with someone who is no more than three years older or younger than you. (Also incest is illegal, but that is not age related.) So instead of fretting about whether 15-year-olds can have sex, we only worry if 30-year-olds are trying to seduce 15-year-olds.

Where do we start.First, thnaks to KGO/SF, last intellegent talk station on the planet for broaching the subject.I agree with the Doc: since we HAVE to have an age of consent, let it be at a sensible age of say 15 or 16.Now to Angel. Paste this in your browser: http://www.nymag.com/sexpoll My question is, do you know what YOUR little darlings are doing right now?? If your kid is at least 14, he/she has either had sex, been approached about sex, been in a sexual conversation, or seen a picture depicting sex.The question is WHAT do we tell our kids….and WHEN. I say as early as possible, and make it as positive as possible.polybi

*********When I had sex at 16, I didn’t even know that I was *underage.* This was the 1970s, and age of consent was not the big deal that it is now. Nowadays it is a HUGE deal. Conservatives think that this makes us all more *moral,* but I think that the unnatural focus our society places on teenage sexual *purity* winds up making them even more intense objects of desire for many adults.**************WOW. I was 14 in 79 and although I did not have sex until I was 21, I had boyfriends and some of that involved heavy petting. One of these was 20 years old and from my church! lol. There was never any discussion of “underage,” he was from the church and my mother did not mind in fact she liked it and thought that an older boyfriend would be better behaved with her daughter than one of the 14 year old punks from school. lol. I don’t recall anything horrific about that experience at all. I do remember hearing about “statutory rape” but it didn’t seem to apply to anyone I knew or to me. Having an older boyfriend was a badge of honor for a teenage girl. lol. My mom told me that she dated a 28 year old guy when she was 15. This would have been in the 50s? Not sure if that involved sex or not. Tho…. I do have to wonder sometimes about these men who have to have it so much younger than themselves as if they do not have the mental capacity to relate to women their own age. That’s pretty pathetic in my opinion. ;-D But whatever.. you are right, in the 70s this was not a big deal and people did not go to jail over it. It’s also ridiculous that you can get drafted to go die for Bushco in Iraq at 18, but you can’t drink a beer. The drinking age is another “age law” that needs to change.I think 16 across the board for everything, vices and sex would be a good idea.pt

Hey Dr. Suzy…Such a curious topic to debating, especially in front of an audience. Being a sexologist, or an ologist of anything, requires courage. So my hats off to you for your courage and voice. Sex rocks.But about the age of consent… If I’m understanding you right, I quite agree that there is no answer for this. An accurate answer (y’know, to do it right without consideration of time or monetary expenditures) would be to set an age for each person. Of course since who we are, as individuals and as a society, is always in flux and always morphing to that next slight alteration we may well regress at times. For instance, since mental, emotional and physical capacities are requirements for maturity in most any area we might at one point in our Lives be very ready for sex and be mature enough to make sex work for all parties involved. But perhaps somewhere along the line of Life that same person experiences some manner of emotional or mental trauma… well then you wouldn’t want to have sex with that person. For instance, having sex with dominating, controlling or manipulative people is not healthy nor mature (well… consenting domination ain’t all that bad… ha ha ha).So you’re right, at some point, in order to make beaurocracy, legislation and Life easier somebody had to pick a number from a hat and say “This is a good number to match this particular question.” It’s just a number. It doesn’t mean anything. But… that number is deemed by a group of people to match the peak of the bell-curve for maturity demographics.I hope to be a father someday and with that said… I’m fine with the 18 age point. However I also am pretty sure that any child of mine will be having sex before that point.No number will be perfect. No person will be perfect. Changing it to 16 doesn’t make it latently okay to have sex with children. What will, I believe, make sure that people aren’t feasting on the flesh of children is to unplug from the internet, the TV, our telephones and to reach out to help somebody else, and to learn to help people on their terms – not ours. Doc Suzy. Thanks for a great site. I’m looking forward to the Eros party. Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah.

Amazing, I just listened to your interview on KGO radio (the internet is great). You Americans are full of morality. Who was that woman from save the children, or the family? She said something about if you are married then you can have sex with a 13 year old, but if you are not married then you are a sex offender? The fact is you are still having sex with a 13 year old.I had my first sex when I was 7 years old under an old iron bed in Rome Italy. We were caught and she got sllaped around the bedroom like little a raga muffin. She was so sweet and here parents so violent. I never forgot that, it changed me. What the parents did changed two children forever.The bible says thy shalt not kill, yet people kill and in America you kill the killer!The age of consent is when we consent and in some cases when we don’t becuae we are to young to resist. Yet children are great seducers and adults are sometimes the victems but we hear no talk of that.The rightious right, conservative wing around the world is one of depravity and rightious upbringing.God have mercy on us as I know you are like George Bush wachting and listening to everything we do. All knowing and all seeing :) Yet in America and many countries, watching and listening is a crime unless it is approved by a judge. God is no judge and the conservatives of the world are the great pervets that have spawned great litrature and have brought perversion to the common people.I am Carlo Filangieri, google me.

Great interview, Doc Suz. That woman from Focus on the Family was a real jerk. Of course, that’s to be expected, consdiering her organization. Personally, I prefer older women (like you). But I hate to see people going to jail for having sex with mature, ready and willing 17-year-olds.

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