Category Archives: Life Lessons

You see, I’ve had this Gremlin for a companion, lo, these many years. He tells me I’m not creative. I’m many other wonderful things, but I’m not creative! AND I BELIEVED HIM!! I admit it, I did.

I spent years taking coaching training programs and courses, certifications, a leadership program, and had several wonderful coaches who encouraged me in every way possible to dump that Gremlin. And many friends who have told me ”what do you mean, you’re not creative!?? That’s clearly not true, look at this, that and the other thing you created!”

When I was a teenager, anxious for my life to evolve faster than it appeared to be doing, my Mother’s response to my angst always was: ‘your time will come dear”. Though annoying and frustrating at the time for me, her refrain proved true and wise.

Today my life is full and rewarding, and I am truly grateful for it.

The road ahead sometimes holds a vision of the destination, sometimes a mystery. But it is always there to explore, to follow, to divert from, to use as a guide, to plot our progress, to meet others, to find our way.

My mother’s wisdom was about faith in oneself, an optimistic belief in what the world has to offer us, and about appreciation … and patience.

On this Mother’s Day I remember my mom with love and gratitude, and realize how her view of life is a part of who I am and how I live my life.

On this Mother’s Day, what are you noticing or remembering or being grateful for from your mother, that is part of who you are and how you live your life?

Sometimes the obvious is in front of our own face, and we can’t see it for looking! It’s true for my clients; and more often than not, it’s true for me.

It takes my own coach – the wonderful, insightful, and wise Shahmeen Sadiq (Anjali Leadership), to point out the (sometimes not-so) obvious to me. As she does frequently. As she did today.

As part of my continuing quest to create a ‘platform’ from which to let my potential clients know who I am, what I stand for, and what I offer them, my coach pointed out what she knows to be my unique gift – connecting deeply with others so they can connect with themselves.

Funny – I often tell people my middle name is “connection”…..because I love connecting with people – my clients, my friends, everyone I meet! And I value those connections, and nurture them, because they jazz me, inspire me, warm my heart.

I am amused to look at the question I posed in my posting last May, that bears repeating now:

When were you aware of not paying attention to the messages your heart offered you?

I guess I’m aware now! My heart is telling me I know how to connect from the heart. People – especially young (35-45) professional women and men (the peeps who most inspire me!) – yearn for that connection, whether they are aware of it or not. On a 24-7 treadmill to succeed, meet their own and others’ expectations, be all things to all people all the time, they and their dreams and desires often get lost in the process.

Connecting with our own truth – what’s in our own heart – is one of the most free-ing, enlightening and powerful experiences we can give ourselves. And everyone else we connect with! So ask yourself:

It’s a long time since I’ve written on my blog. Not sure I can explain why I haven’t, nor why I am finally doing so today, but hope you’re glad I’m back. It’s something about listening to the wisdom in my own heart. Funny how the ‘teacher’ teaches what she has to learn.

What I do know is that I have my own process…. And that if I allow things to evolve, they will. Forcing never works. So the past number of months have been about ‘just being’, and enjoying life, while my subconscious works away in the realm of deeper knowledge and awareness than is on the surface.

I know that it is time again to step out into the world in this way. Time to participate, not just read, listen and watch. How I know that is by how moved I am, as are all of you I’m sure, by the horrors in Haiti. My heart is deeply touched by the devastation that is almost impossible to comprehend, the widespread suffering, the generosity of those who contribute financially because we can and so far it’s all we feel we can do — and more so by those who go to help because they have the skills, the resources, the compassion to serve in this long hour of need – whether they are medical personnel, soldiers, journalists, family members, friends or strangers.

I also think about what lies ahead – for the saved and the saviours – all of whom are no doubt traumatized in ways yet to be revealed. And yet I know the human spirit is tremendously resilient and resourceful and believe that, out of the horror, has come humanity; out of the devastation, a future will emerge; kindness and compassion along with concrete assistance, will alleviate the pain and suffering.

For some time I have struggled with defining my niche, my personal message to the world (a.k.a. my blog readers, clients, potential clients, friends and family, and… you!). Several close friends and coaches have encouraged me for years in the direction of ‘heart’ messages. I listened, but didn’t really pay attention, or if I did, absorb the significance — except when I named this blog Coaching HeartTalk.

Well, something was at work when I thought that name up! In fact, the name came to me when I brainstormed with myself a number of possible titles, and this is the one that resonated. And the tag line I created, as you can plainly see, is “Listening to the wisdom in your heart”.

However, while you may have all seen that, I am perhaps the only one who didn’t!! Duh. Until recently, when I decided that I really do have something to say about listening to one’s heart. And just to be sure I got the message, my heart reminded me, with a little jolt a few weeks ago. If you know me (or even if you don’t), don’t worry. I’m fine. And I got the message. My former coach called it a “cosmic joke”, meaning that the Universe just wanted to be sure I “got it”.

So suddenly I am excited about the possibilities there for me – and you – as I more consciously and intentionally write about how one can live and lead their lives, and others, from heart. And pay attention to our heart. And listen to its wisdom.

I started surfing the net and am discovering others are ahead of me, but not that many. And anyway, there is room for us all.

So today the coaching questions would be:

When were you aware of listening to your heart?

When were you aware of not paying attention to the messages your heart offered you?

What is possible when you get in touch with that amazing source of information?

More….much more to come, about ‘listening to the wisdom in your heart”.

I just watched it again. Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent. And teared up again. I think that would happen no matter how many times I watch it. My heart is full. Full of admiration, joy, inspiration, full of the music, full of her brilliance.

Full of the knowing that in each of us there resides our own gift to the world, if only we would walk out there, stand confidently in our knowing, and open our mouths to let it out for the world to enjoy and embrace.

It happened when I watched Paul Potts, another seemingly unlikely star with a brilliant singing voice,who won this contest a year or two ago, similarly stunning the judges, the audience and the world. I just watched him again on a You Tube clip, and teared up again.

And I ask you, so you can ask yourselves:

Am I letting my true self shine?

How am I hiding my light, my gifts? What am I cheating the world of?

With Susan Boyle and Paul Potts as inspiration, what is possible for me now?

I have always admired people who quietly persevere in the face of frustration. I think they are truly the successful ones in life. They are successful because by persevering, they ultimately achieve their goals, and – bonus – they reduce stress and anxiety.

I thought of this today as I tried to deal with some technical computer related issues. (Normally that’s guaranteed frustration, stress and anxiety for me!) Some emails have been bouncing that I sent to a former client I have written to for years; it appeared her company now has a new and very aggressive spam filter. Good for them. Except my emails aren’t going through. I had to negotiate with my internet provider who said it was the fault of my host, and my host who said it was the fault of my internet provider. I felt like a bouncing ball – and what’s more I just didn’t get it.

Fortunately my son is a computer programmer and patiently explained to me how this whole thing was happening and why, such that I was able to calmly call the Internet Provider again and explain, patiently, how I understood the problem. No doubt my calmness and lack of frustration helped her see the light, and she is going to fix it!

A small event in my day, and so much learning when I stop to reflect (fortunately it’s Saturday, and I’m not rushing to the next meeting or phone call or email).

I learned that:

When I slow down, I can deal with frustration better.

Frustration does not solve the problem and in fact delays a solution.

If am frustrated, I only cause myself and anyone nearby stress and anxiety.

When I stay calm and take my time, one step at a time, lo and behold, the solution emerges!

This morning, reading about Nicholas Hughes’ tragic death (the son of Sylvia Path and Ted Hughes committed suicide as did his mother 46 years ago), I found myself moved by something his father is said to have written him. “..the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all”.

That stopped me in my tracks. It made me question myself: Am I living boldly enough? Have I? Do I invest enough heart in everything I do? Do I love enough?

The answers to such questions don’t come quickly. Then again, good coaching questions (or ‘inquiries’ as we like to call them) don’t – they are not intended to. What they are intended to do is have us think deeply, reflect, recalilbrate, perhaps shift our perspective, and ultimately our actions.

I plan to do just that with these questions about living life boldly, with enough heart, and loving alot!

For you, ask yourself also:

What does living bold mean to me/for me? Am I living boldly enough?

Am I investing enough heart? What is enough? What does investing enough heart give to me? to others?

Do I love enough? Do I let others know of my love for them?

There are so many questions this thought raises. I’d love to know if it has inspired you and how you answer them.

So often clients come to coaching because they are “stuck”. Stuck in an old story, stuck in a way of doing things, stuck in an idea of what isn’t possible…. in other ways, nothing moves forward. A project stalls, an idea gets buried, a creation freezes.

As a coach, I work with clients to get unstuck. Usually by helping them see that there are more perspectives than their stuck one, and see that in fact they can choose the one that is more palatable.

This week I was reminded that in order to see another perspective, sometimes you have to just admit your stuckness and decide to do something about it!! I found myself ‘stuck’ in my own plan to do something that just wasn’t working. Yesterday I had a little talk with myself, and realized that in order to move forward, I just had to ‘let go’ of the plan I thought was so great.

When I did that, I was able to offer a way forward. It may or may not work out, since it took me so long to come to this wonderful realization…but you know what? It feels alot lighter to be rid of that load and however it turns out, I know that I am back ‘in the flow’.

So the coaching questions I offer you today are:

What place might you be stuck in?

What do you need to let go of?

If you did let go, what is the way forward that you now see that you didn’t see before?

These are strange times we are in. In what seems like short order, our perception and for many, reality, is that the world has turned on its axis. How do we look at this time we are in? It can be unsettling, distressing and downright depressing, OR it can be full of opportunity!

I do wonder how much of the current economic situation, real though it is, is brought about by fear, the pervasiveness and immediacy of both old and new forms of communication, and the psychology of fear. Fear feeds upon itself. Just as we know gratitude feeds upon itself. As does positive thinking!

It is interesting to observe who focuses on doom and gloom in these challenging times, and who uses the challenging times to create new goals, strategies, marketing approaches and the re-jigging of priorities. I see both, and fortunately lately, more of the latter!

Generally an optimistic person myself, I can get caught in the trap of “awfullizing” – i.e. “oh isn’t it awful”, etc. You know, I do think that brings on ‘awful’.

So I am choosing to pay attention to my thoughts and words, so I don’t bring ‘awful’ down around me and my business. I choose to bring opportunity to my business, and joy to my life.

I listened in on a telecall yesterday with Laura West, life and business coach and marketer extraordinaire (www.joyfulbusiness.com), who has created Joyful Business as her brand. Laura shared some of her secrets to attracting business. Listening to her, I was reminded, and inspired, to re-commit to my own goals and focus with positivity on what I am creating and contributing in the world.

So a coaching question for today might be: What is possible for you and your business or organization, if you create a climate of positivity within you and around you?

Marcia Dorfman, MSOD, CPCC, PCC coaches for the love of it - for the sheer joy of witnessing her clients discover and focus on what matters most. She inspires them to tap into their strengths, make powerful choices in work and life, and take action with confidence and determination.