Saturday, April 30, 2011

Just so you know, there are several enormous changes happening here in Encyclophobaticsburg! I can't tell you much more, but it's very very exciting!

As a small hint to one of the new developments that we are developing, I have added magical properties to this post! Merely by reading these words, you are now magical! Of course, in this case it's an entirely honorary position, but still!

A small side effect of this magic process is that commenting has been knocked offline (although this also happens to be a reference to one of the changes going on...)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Remember the days in which I actually posted regularly on this blog? Well, I am here to tell you that those days may once again be ours to remember as the current situation which has been brought to us through the mystical outbursts that time sends spiraling through six reverse clauses and a cactus to meet us and greet us here at the present, which is not the past nor future nor coffee break but in fact right NOW.

As a reward for a) making it through that paragraph battered and scarred by the destruction of at least 2/3 the remaining brain mass you may possess after reading earlier posts of mine, or b) skipping it wisely in an attempt to save yourself, I shall tell you more about the Encyclophobaticsburg fruit shop.

You see, recently the fruit shop filed for bankruptcy. Now I know what you may be thinking if you read my other posts, where you will notice that the fruit shop is richer than all the other corporations in the country put together, including the government and national reserve. However, don't worry, the fruit shop only filed for bankruptcy because they have a new CEO named Burk Burgundson, and he is... well... let's just say he knows what a room with rubber walls looks like.

Anyway, Burk decided to file for bankruptcy out of pure boredom, because he finds that following the laws of both logic and the Encyclophobaticsburg government are very boring. So he clogged up the offices of the government with 43,001 bankruptcy filings, which caused all the employees to be redirected to the Commerce, And Business, And Other Important Things branch (CABAOIT). Shortly afterward, he invaded the country and took over the government.

So now Encyclophobaticsburg is a Fruitocracy, which means Rule by an entity that also sells fruit. Fruito is a greek root meaning "To sell fruit" or "Grow/Create fruit", so curiously enough, the country would have the same name if it were ruled by a plum tree.

Well, that's all I have to say, just your average government takeover and greek roots lesson in one. Thanks for reading. Kinda. Well okay, since I have no idea who is reading this, it is rather hard to personally thank them for reading these words. Whatever.

It has been brought to my attention from at least 7 of my staff members (including my stapler, which for some reason seems to have gained sentience) that my previous post regarding the adventures and life of one World Peace Man is too small for the general public to read. Because this crucial mistake has undoubtedly been tragic. Current estimates show that over $14 million dollars worth of resources were lost in a an accident that could have been averted if this had not happened.

Apparently, an old man was driving down the road and met six cats, each of whom were holding a protesting sign about war. The man was angry and devoured their signs, reducing all but one of the cats to tears, which promptly started an economical collapse in 3 countries.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Here are some facts that you should definitely know to be successful in life:

7 out of 8 Whales in the Indian Ocean are threatened by threats such as Plant Life, Other Whales, and Knives.

6 out of 14 Dinosaur Fossils found today are actually fossilized rock formations from the moon, known as fossilizedrockformationsfromthemoon in scientific communities.

There is no reason to doubt the obvious, unless it is obviously wrong.

Nothing that one can see from any given point on Earth have any life forms, unless you look down.

Twelve occupational hazards are used as excuses for buying shoes every year.

19 out of 18 people in the Northern Hemisphere suffer from a rare form of lung-disease known as "dry dock research"

While it is possible that this false statement could be false or true, the first part and third part may or may not be possibly true or/nor false if the false section is also false, but since it may be false that either section is false then the truth lies in the possible parts that are not false but true. However, this may be false.

There are seven ways to injure yourself in a blimp. They are from jumping out, getting hurt by explosions, engine malfunction, food poisoning, food contamination, food getting up and attacking you, and of course, captains who have not reviewed all safety procedures.

This is the second-to-last fact.

Out of every color that is visible to humans, most tend to slobber uncontrollably when placed within 6 inches of a toadstool-microwave hybrid.

Now that you know these things, go and show the world* your wisdom.

*Note: Blog of the Pizzas is not responsible, and therefore will be held entirely harmless and released from all legal obligations, for any laughing or ridicule that may result from this course of action. Blog of the Pizzas would like to remind you that this is a suggestion only, and is merely used for the purpose of instruction and/or benefiting the reader in one or more ways. By reading this sentence or any of the aforementioned sentences, you obviously agree to hold Blog of the Pizzas harmless and possibly submit any bunny slippers you may be wearing for testing purposes.