I'm Living In A Nightmare I Can't Get Out Of.

So i'll give it to you straight. I'm warn out. I'm tired. I'm drained. I visited a psychologist who explained to me that i have severe depression. I'm 20 and my acne has led me towards psycho therapy. Great huh? I'm a wreck. I haven't hung out with my friends for the past year now. I look at myself, and i think, what do i have to do? What changed? Why did this come to me? Now we can all go ahead and ponder on different theories on what causes this horrible disease as i like to refer to it by, but at the end of the day, nobody in this world knows what causes acne. Iv'e heard everything, from diet (gluten, dairy etc) from washing your face with this and that and this and that, to staying positive and being happy all the time and so many others. I despise it when people try and land all these theories on top of me, claiming that it's worked for them! But i'm not you, and iv'e tried your method, and iv'e only gotten worse. What do you do when you have tried everything in your power to be rid of this nightmare, but it continues to beat you and get worse each day. I have been drugged and spaced out on so many different 'magic pills' i can't even explain. Having a facewash plan wasn't the answer, cutting out gluten and dairy for a year, wasn't the answer. What is left that would do this to me? I'm all out of ideas. I just literally stared at myself in the mirror for about 10 minutes thinking how low my life has become. This disease has taken over everything in my world. I am wearing a mask of a different identity. The hat i wear to make sure my fringe covers up my disgusting forehead, that's not me. My hair being so so long because i don't have the self esteem or confidence to be seen like this, that's not me. Wanting to kill every person in sight with clear skin, that's not me. Accutane. That is my last and only hope i have left. My seclusion from this beautiful world is getting to me so much, and i'll be honest, there is only so much a human can take when he is trapped like this, before something explodes, and i do something terrible. I honestly can't take this shit any longer. Every fucking day is the SAME! NOTHING HAS CHANGED OR IMPROVED IN 2 YEARS! WHAT IS CAUSING THIS! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME! I could talk and talk for hours but i'm not going to. Whoever is reading this, and has clear skin, or even the odd pimple, you don't know how thankful and how lucky you are. To be able to live the life you want to. To be able to look a person in the eye when talking to them, to be able to be YOU.

I'm going to stop typing now. And i'm not going to be optimistic, because now i'm so used to my hopes being crushed.

Dude I really want to tell you to hang in there, that it'll be okay. But that's a load of shit, no amount of positive vibes will help you. I know how you feel though, it's ruined my life for sure. The only thing I can say is go to a doctor, preferably one that focuses on the inside of the body, versus jus the outside, and have them take any and every test to figure out what's causing it. I'm talking imbalances and stuff you might be allergic too. Someone told me I might have a yeast infection, which causes acne, not sure if I do or not but if everything else has failed for you there's something wrong on the inside of your body. No amount of external products will help.

You could have tight capillaries, or insulin problems, you might have digestion issues or bad kidneys. Or it could even be something as little as an imbalance of hormones or vitamins. I know you probly don't want to hear how I drastically improved my situation, but i'm telling you anyways, because i'd rather take the risk of it not working, and doing nothing, versus it actually working, and finding happiness again.

Idk if you've heard but accutane is a bunch of vitamin A. Among poisons and chemicals, so before you go on accutane i'd seriously look into this. I started mega dosing vitamin A about a month ago, and now my skin is amazing, within that short amount of time. It might take longer if you have worse acne then I did, but it definately will work to some extent.

I wake up in the morning and take 3 8,000 IU pills of vitamin A (for drying out the skin) one vitamin C pill (for immune health) one vitamin E pill (for healing inside and out) one ginger root pill (for a healthy digestive system) and one niacin pill (for cleansing your system, and widening your capillaries, which in turn delivers more nutrients and oxygen to your skin) and one zinc pill (to balance your hormones). Also around 5 or 6 pm I take another 3 8,000 IU pills of vitamin A, for a total of 48,000 IU's daily.

I know it sounds like a lot to do but really, you spend like 30 bucks on everything all together, and you pop some pills in the morning. But don't forget to take the other three vitamin A around 5 or 6 pm. It's important to split your dosage in half like that so you don't overdo it and that way it works all day round. If you find different doses besides 8,000 IU's per pill jus add em up to 50,000 IU's and split them in half, half when you wakeup an half in the middle of the day. Also it's important to start low and work your way up. Like when I started this I only took 8,000 IU's in the morning and another 8,000 IU's midday. Do that for three days then add another 8,000 IU's in the morning and midday, so your taking 16,000 in the morning and 16,000 midday, do that for three days an then add the last 16,000 a day so your at 24,000 in the morning and 24,000 midday.

It's important to workup to it so your body get's used to it. I'm telling you, this works. The only time I breakout now is if I drink alcohol or milk, or if I eat a shit ton of junk food. An even then i've lived off of little caesars pizza and burger king for the past week and have only gotten one spot, but that's cuz I got white boy wasted and it popped up next morning. But even then with the vitamin a, c, and e if you do get a pimple it heads almost immediately, and heals incredibly fast. I'm talkin two days and it's jus a pink scar, an that's gone in another day or two.

I must tell you tho as with accutane there's a chance vitamin A might cause depression. Not nearly as bad cuz accutanes around 300,000 IU's of vitamin A, but I feel you should know these things. Also you might want to get regular blood and kidney tests jus like on accutane. I haven't had any side effect since taking these but everybody's different, like you said, your not me. Anyways I hope this works for you, whether it clears you for good or not it will definately clear you to some extent.

Also it took about 3 weeks to start seeing results, and after about a week or two I got an initial breakout, and I know this because it was in spots I never had acne before. So don't let that discourage you, after a few days that's gone and it will only get better from there, and honestly, with how cheap this is and how little time it takes to try, you might as well do it, because it's a hell of a lot cheaper then accutane and doesn't have all the harmful chemicals, jus vitamin A. If you have any questions about what doses i'm takin with the other vitamins jus message me an i'd be happy to help.

You may have a yeast problem, like Tristen suggests. It might be folliculitis (which is fungal, not bacterial) and not acne. Definitely go to a doctor - a real one. I know dermatologists seem like they never listen and they rush you in and out, but there has to be one who will really try to come up with something for you. Shop around for a good one.

If you don't want to go to a doctor, there are good products out there. Neutrogena is crap; not sure if you tried it or not. AcneFree actually works pretty well; the face wash is formulated so the medicine stays in your pores even after you rinse off. It comes in kits, like Proactiv, but it costs less (not sure if they sell it at drugstores in the UK, but you can definitely get it online). I think the toner is kind of BS, but the face wash and the repair lotion actually worked really well for me when I got a bizarre bout of acne on my face last year.

As for your depression - it's good that you've sought help for it. It can make things worse. Stress produces cortisol, which seems to make acne worse, which makes you stressed, and the cycle continues. Try to remember that you're not going to feel like this forever. People will tell you that having bad skin isn't the end of the world - and it really isn't, but it sure effing seems like it, doesn't it?

Regardless... keep talking to your counselor, try AcneFree maybe. You can also try Paula's Choice, which is available online - she has a whole line for acne, and everything I've used from there has worked really well. I don't really get acne on my face; I get it on my back and chest, which is horrifying for a woman, let me tell you, and I use the Paula's Choice BHA weightless body lotion, which works great. I use it on my face in the AM, too, and it keeps it clear, even the itchy little yeasty lesions i get on my neck from time to time (which is NOT acne) are kept at bay. Definitely worth a try. Feel free to PM me for more info or if you want to talk; I hate to see young people suffer over this when they should be enjoying their lives. It's not fair.