Do most men want to marry virgins?

okay so men want sex... it seems all the time and will do all sorts of things to get a woman in bed with him but when it comes to marriage and...
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okay so men want sex... it seems all the time and will do all sorts of things to get a woman in bed with him but when it comes to marriage and serious relationships what he wants in a wife or girlfriend... does he want a virgin, an innocent female who has never been with another man and for him to be her first? Or is he willing to be with a woman who knows how to do the deed and do it well? I feel like there is not win her for women... were prudes if we wait and where whores if we give it out. If there is an in between then where is it?

Updates:

i was asking for what you would want as a man do you want to marry a virgin? or do you not want a virgin? or you don't care?

Most Helpful Opinion

Anonymous

No. I'm a virgin at almost 25. And I want an experienced girl who will totally corrupt me and make me whimper. (Is that hypocritical of me?)

What Guys Said 18

But that's because society still teaches us that women should be virgins at marriage, when that concept is TOTALLY INCOMPATIBLE with a society where the average marriage age is 30!

Our biology says that we're supposed to start having sex once we go through puberty, and throughout all of history, that's pretty much what happened. Prior to 50 years ago, women married at an average age of about 15, worldwide, and since at least the beginning of written history. And that's just an average. Even in the US, girls marrying at 13 and 14 wasn't at all remarkable until the 1960s, and some married as early as 11 and 12, though that was rarer. Men on average were a year or two older, but still just barely into their sexual peak years (16-25 or so). Being a virgin on your wedding day wasn't really asking a lot; it was a realistic expectation.

But you also need to realize that in much of the world, women either didn't go to school AT ALL, or went through 6th Grade or similar. Most men did have some formal education, but even in the US, prior to WWII, most men only had an 8th Grade education; high school wasn't by any means a requirement, and most people lived rural lives that didn't require high levels of education. College was strictly for well-to-do families and a handful of extremely gifted students who were given scholarships.

Today, a HS diploma is considered the absolute minimum requirement to even be a shopping cart fetcher at Walmart, and most people consider college to be vital for getting a decent job, for both men and women. Hell, many jobs that used to ask for a HS diploma 30 years ago want a MASTER'S degree today. By the type you start career, you're often 25, deeply in debt, and in an entry-level job that will take you several years just to get stable. It's no wonder that people don't get married until they're 30, and often have kids even later. But it's totally unrealistic to expect people to remain celibate for an extra 15+ years, especially given that this means men would be celibate through their entire sexual peak years. It just doesn't happen.

These changes in our society have happened in just 50 years, or 2.5 generations, and that's so fast that our societal attitudes, rules, and expectations just haven't been able to keep up. People are still teaching their kids rules that simply don't apply in this new paradigm. It's not much different than teaching kids that the earth is flat and the sun revolves around it; those ideas just have no relevance today.

Until we accept that these old mores are simply not applicable anymore, we'll continue to be hypocritical in our expectations and struggle with the conflict that brings.

I think its accurate that most men prefer their partner to have not been with other men. For some men this is very important, and others its cool little fantasy but not very important.

It is likely men have some drive to seek out virgins for serious relationships because, for most of our evolution, that guaranteed paternity. Having sex with random women was an effective mating strategy for men, so was finding a woman who would sleep with ONLY him and 'falling in love' and supporting her and the children (which since she was only with him, would be HIS kids).

In a sense there is 'no win' for anyone in this. I think the traditional approach most cultures undertook was the best effort to address this - young female virgins were married off to relatively young men who had very limited experience outside of perhaps a prostitute. There -was- no long stretch of 'if you do you're a whore if you don't you're prude'. They just skipped straight to the marriage step. Note that people used to remarry very frequently in past centuries as people died off.

The 'problem' today is that marriage is being pushed way back (far beyond men's sexual peak, and frankly up to the point where female fertility is starting to drop). People are waiting to marry for social/economic reasons but being celibate from puberty till you're mid 30's is not very appealing.

I suspect most men now just accept they will marry a non virgin. But some don't.

Unfair (life isn't) and hypocritical (it is, but it's not that simple) as that seems, you see this correctly. A poster here posted a thoughtful and thought provoking article called "Why Men Watch Porn" which offers an explanation for that but also a plausible explanation for the apparent hypocrisy of male sexuality in general. Read it not just to understand why we like to watch BJ's online but why we can "love 'em and leave 'em in our late teens and 20's but become "TV Dads" by age 35. This is it.

The sophisticated "sex in the city" lifestyle of modern women, looking at sexuality as a gourmet pursuit: "Well, I think I will engage in some multiracial/transgender triple penetration tonight!"...is a lie perpetuated in the media and on the internet. For those women, including posters here, who have been down with several different men by age 21, I question whether they can ever transition into stable, monogamous, loving relationships. They may be good for sport when they are young and firm but not as wives and mothers over the long term.

Women's modern sexual politics and fixations have turned them into men with Vaginas who pride themselves on lacking and rejecting traditional feminine strongholds like parenting and home making as servitude who will inevitably be washed-up before age 30 when the next batch of fresh puzzy comes along. That's when they seduce some poor sucker with good career prospects into marriage and then begin compiling financial data the following day as they program their divorce lawyer's number into their I-Phones.

Men: Call this the fukking you get for the fukking you got.

Cynical? Experience can do that. Minus me as you wish. You all know it's true.

Speaking as a woman who was married to a lying, cheating, abusive man, divorce was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a stay at home mom. I even homeschooled my kids. I was a good wife and mother. Then one day my ex decided he did not want to be married anymore. So we divorced and he married the woman he was cheating on me with. Which was a blessing. But now I can't ever trust a man again. So some of those poor suckers...get what they deserve.

Opinion Owner

I lived your life in the mirror. Her 3 studs only wanted the wet spot and when she closed on them, they bailed out. She divorced me, I shopped in SE Asia (she's only a few years younger) and live happily ever after while she lives in self-imposed squalor. Lucky me.

Asker

im not for sure what you are trying to say? and what you posted after the link. I don't think that most women are like that. so what if she wants to have sex? how does that make her unfit to marry or to be a mother? what if your a woman you have to be a virgin to get married and have a child? otherwise your going to be a washed up whore by the age 30? what about men? does having sex before marriage make you unfit to be a dad? sounds like bullsh!t

I used the same word in both ends of the phrase to describe 2 different ideas, " inexperienced or experienced" I mean in numbers of how many times have been banged. and in " I would like virgin for the experience I meant I would like to do it with a virgin for to see what its like to divirginize someone, and to experience that particular feeeling

Asker

okay but my question was about marrying a virgin not if you wanted to have sex with a virgin.

Yes, absolutely, most just realize it is very unlikely to happen so they rationalize it doesn't matter, even if they really would had prefered it.

Not guy in his right mind would prefer to marry someone and know that other men used her and enjoyed her and made her a woman, and now he only has the leftovers.

Guys would just shot those images and try not to think about how other man penis and semen was inside his girl, how other men were the ones who made her feel that first pain and know that she remembers it vividly.

Sometimes you just have to work with what you have. If you love her, I guess you can put up with that and just try to not think about how your children will be inside a house where other men have been.

if a woman is a virgin she is probably waiting for marriage and looking for a virgin man waiting for marriage. Also what if a woman looked at you and thought eww you have had sex I don't want to be with a man that isn't a virgin.

Women thing the whole opposite way. Hence they are the whole opposite gender.

Asker

that doesn't even answer the question... besides we could lie you know... I mean how do you marry a virgin? unless your married off or you get married right out of hs and you never had sex. I mean at some point in time your going to try to get in her pants even if your dating or whatever... if a woman with held sex until marriage would you respect her wishes and marry her before you had sex with her? I find it hard to believe any man would stay with a woman till marriage and not have sex.

Opinion Owner

Actualy that's more of a reason to get married, don't get me wrong guys will try but if she resist he will marry happier, LOL!n From a muture perspective this doesn't make sense, but that's the truth, I mean obviusly you want to get marry with someone you feel compatible in bed before hand, it is the smart thing to do, but in reality if a girl plays it different, it's a gme well played.

Either you sleep with your boyfriends, or you don't. By the time you're in your late 20's, you've probably dated more then 3 people seriously.

Opinion Owner

I am totally serious about this, and I know or have known quite a few women that weren't changing partners every month when they were younger. I think that's part of the selection process too, to be emotionally stable.

Asker

how young of girl are you hoping for? she would have to be like 18 to 24 to have had less than 3 guys... and most women who aren't virgins were in serious relationships when they had sex... it's not like they are hookers.

Anonymous

I don't consider women prudes for waiting, that's the last thing I'd think. I respect it.

Based on my own beliefs and preferences, yes I'd like to meet someone like-minded, but in these times it seems almost impossible.

What's with you chicks? You always jump to the conclusion that we're doing the same thing. I'm not sleeping around, and no where in my answer did I allude to that. I even said "I don't sleep around either."

I want a virgin or a girl that has had very few sexual partners much like the guy below me. If they do have sex, it has to be within a relationship and not casual partners. However, due to your last comment to him, I shouldn't get my hopes up. Seems that most are going to be worthless to me.

Asker

sorry I misunderstood. what I mean was that if you have sex are you on the same level of a female who has also had sex? like the girls you have been with before are they on the same level as you after you have been with them or are they less honorable? does that make sense.

Opinion Owner

Alright. That's better clarification. Well, if she carried herself the way I carried myself, then I would think of her as on the same level. But, if she hinted around for sex really early on or I knew that she was doing it with little or no effort by other guys, I would think less of her as far as dating goes. I don't mind being friends, but nothing more than that.

However, with all that being said, I can partially understand the thinking of guys that you are referring to here.

your a whore then... your worse then the girls you had sex with because at least they don't expect the men they marry to be virgins. Also you will probably get an std and then the virgin girl you want to marry will be disgusted with you and leave you all alone.

Opinion Owner

Every one is entitled to there opinion...

Asker

but it is heartless and mean that you look at women in that way... are we nothing more than an object for sex then when your done with us were worthless and used to you? and that only after you have made these other girls unfit to be married in your mind you will choose a virgin to marry?

Opinion Owner

I never said worthless . I would never say that. All I mean is when I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with someone I want it to be a virgin... that way there is no secrets, her vigina is not all used and loose and I will be special for the rest of her life... ( cause women always remember their first...)

Asker

a vagina can't be loose and isn't used after having sex... it's a common misconception... my p*ssy is just as tight as the day I lost my virginity...

Opinion Owner

Thats what girls tell each other and want to believe...

Asker

no It is something I learned at college in a human sexuality class...

Anonymous

If I were to get married I'd pick a prude over a whore any day. My idea girl wouldn't have to be a virgin. That would be hypocritical of me because I was with two girls in my life. However I wouldn't want a town girl and truthfully if she's been with more than 3 or 4 people that's a little scary for me.

Used car? EXACTLY! Less enough miles to keep AIDS, Hepatitis B,C Syphilis, or Herpes out of the ride, Genius.

Asker

that is so mean... you guys are such hypocritical @ssholes... so any woman who isn't a virgin is a used car? how demeaning can you be?You want to marry a virgin but you dump girls that won't f*ck you?

Opinion Owner

No make that one hypocritical @sshole. Are you a blond by chance? You need to reread my comment and look at how jackphlegm responded to me. Then I responded back to him sarcastically just as he did me.

Opinion Owner

Okay I don't know if Jack was being sarcastic or comical. Maybe a apology is at hand. Either way by the way I've never ever dumped a girl because she wouldn't f*ck, but on the contrary the opposite was true she did me. And no I'm not making that up either. That was an actual fact and her name was Michelle.

Asker

i was responding to the person who commented sorry I didn't mean you...

What Girls Said 4

Anonymous

i've heard both ends...although I think it is hypocritical. because if a man expects sex in a relationship it isn't fair for him to only want to marry a virgin.

Its not exactly hypocritical to want it. Its hypocritical to seek it out or expect it, perhaps.

Many men clearly have a drive to have sex with virgins.

Maybe the problem is people getting married too damn late. Biologically we should be settling down in our teens. Some men do want to have sex with a lot of women, but many might be happy with only having sex with one. Its the being celibate till 15 years after their sexual peak thta's an issue.

Opinion Owner

I've been celibate for 21 years, and it was my choice. It wasn't that hard to suppress my sexual drive all these years. I wish men would do the same, but instead they sleep around and when they get tired of banging "promiscuous" girls, they demand a virgin wife.

It's extremely shameful when men characterize women as sluts just because they have a sex drive too.

With the same logic, men who sleep around are "damaged goods" too.

Anonymous

Guys are insecure hypocrites, they don't want to be compared to former lovers but they watch p*rn and compare us to p*rn girls! ridiculous, I say if your under 30 and you can count em on one hand then your doing alright, the few virginal 20 year olds I've met have never had a boyfriend and are ridiculously shy, and that's not all women. Sorry guys, you can drop the creepy virgin fantasy.