What She's Thinking When You're Sexting Her

What She's *Really* Thinking When You're Sexting Her

Sexting is fun. The word play, the teasing, the build­up — it’s like having the best flirt ever, but better, because you can keep your tv show on in the background and don’t have to worry about taking off your zit cream. Oh wait, did you think she was actually lying around in a lace garter and heels waiting to hear from you? That’s cute. Delusional, but cute.

No, sadly (or not) we actually have better things to do like, well, live. But that's not to say we don’t enjoy it ­— we do, we really, really do —­ I’m just saying that the convenience of being able to flex the stellar imagination muscles we’ve naturally been blessed with without having it get in the way of our regular routine is not lost on any woman. The truth is, when it comes to sexting, for women anyway, the reality is much more different (and probably much less “sexy”) than you might think.

She’s doing it for you, mostly

The simple fact is, if sexting was about getting the woman off, our phones would come with much stronger and longer vibrate options. But they don’t. And so the truth is, this is yet another thing we do that is kind of all about you. Because you are literal, visual creatures, and you can get to where you’re trying to go this quickly and simply.

Our payoff is that we get to be the one that takes you there, and reap the benefits that come with that; the love, the sex, the dinners, the shoes, the not having to take out the trash.... all of it. I mean sure it’s some genuinely good fun, but not enough that we’re seeing stars over it. This is just a part of the long game; a fun and naughty gift we get to give you to remind you or make you realize how totally lucky you are to have such a cool girl like us in your life.

A lot of it is fake, as in... almost all of it

But this shouldn’t really come as a surprise. I mean, the whole idea here is that it’s fantasy, right? It’s storytelling. It doesn’t matter that she’s not actually wearing those cute panties you bought her, or that the picture she just sent is one of the many stock photos she keeps handy in her phone for moments exactly like this, and was probably originally taken for something or someone else. That’s not the point. The point is you two are here, now, fantasizing about what you want to do to each other, later. The fact that she’s really just sitting around in her sweats, with her hair up and Cheeto dust on her chin is irrelevant.

Her mind is with you (well, at least during commercial breaks it is), and that’s all that matters. And truthfully speaking, the best part about this, for us, is the show. The power of the performance; the kick we get out of shaping how you see us, and not the (empty) promise of an orgasm. I mean seriously, if we can’t even get it with you inside of us, why would we think a little not-so-groundbreaking wordplay is going to do it? If we’re lucky, we might get a little flushed or parched, but it’s the freedom to be and say whoever and whatever we want without judgement that really gets us off, so to speak.

If you're going to talk the talk, then you better walk the walk

The only thing worse than bad sexting is good sexting that is all talk. There is no point to any of this ­— not the time, not the effort, not the energy — if in the end the words don’t turn into action, and the actions don’t live up to the words. Especially when they are as explicit and deliberate as this. It’s just got to match up.

We’re not looking for any big shiny moves or life-changing experiences; ­ we’re just looking for you to follow through — that’s it. This is the build up, the pre­-show, the foreplay; don’t go too big, or too far, or talk about things that you don't know about to impress her, because consistency is key. In fact, that’s really all we’re ever looking for in a man. So whatever your style, whether it’s talking dirty, or dominant, or even just mildly suggestive puns, if she’s responding to it in text, then you better believe she’s expecting it in person. Do not fuck that up.

Use it wisely

The last thing sexting is supposed to be is predictable. Or worse, a chore. And while it’s a great way to add some spice into the mix, there’s a fine line between finding a naughty new hobby and establishing yet another routine.

You don’t want it to become too regular and blow the element of excitement; that's the whole point. And while sexy pictures and BJ talk may never get old for you guys, there are only so many lines and angles and poses and words we can use to describe the same thing over and over again. So space it out. Pull it out when she least expects it. Build that want and longing and teasing, and if you have to (read: you absolutely should do this), make her have to beg for it.

Words are enough (for her)

Speaking of pulling it out, we need to get one thing straight here: unless she explicitly asks for them, leave pictures of your junk out of this. The truth is, as much as she may say she loves your penis and rave about how beautiful it is, what she really means is that she loves what it does to her, not literally what it looks like. Penises are not pretty. Even less so with flash and from sky view. Or ground view for that matter. Or any view that is not well angled, groomed and properly lit. Seriously, I have literally seen girls almost choke to death on their lunch over what can only be described as rather assaulting dick pics ­— it’s just not OK.

What I mean is, there is a time and a place for that, and she will be very clear in letting you know when and where that is. In the meantime, have it ready and waiting if you must, but it’s your words that should be at attention. She’s actually here for the story; the play­-by-­play of what you’re going to do with her, to her, later. So paint the picture with that.