#OnRepeat – Born Again

So everything’s getting better, feeling better, looking better. The prayers are kicking in, the advice is kicking in, the supplements are kicking in. Damn it even the weather is kicking in.

OK, I’m exaggerating. F*ck English weather!

One of the side benefits of an increasingly positive outlook is the ability to turn a more nuanced eye on the path taken and the path not yet trodden.

Stop Hitting Yourself

I have to be the first to say that my mildly depressed state of mind was the root of my history of recurring disappointment, failure and knock-backs in my relationship history. If you believe that every chance is your last chance because you many never find anyone for you then of course you’re going to be desperate and start acting desperate.

Coming out of the blues allows you to start seeing things (almost) as positively as the happy clappy internet crowd keep telling you it is. There’s not just someone out there for you – there are lots of people out there for you. The sun comes out within you, light fills every nook and cranny and you begin to shine. People begin to notice and they want you to be around more. A virtuous circle begins.

Ain’t Nobody Like Me

So you start thinking more about who you are and what you have to bring to the table. You realise you’ve allowed yourself to become a bit of a shut in.

Yep, that about sums it up

So you stop being your own jailer. You get out and do more of the things that interest you. Not because you want to get to know others but because yo want to re-acquaint yourself with your former self. Your real self. Your true self. Your inner self.

Yep, that about sums it up.

Why so serious?

Slowly. Bit by bit you come out of your chrysalis. You are who but you aren’t what you were. You still have a thousand yard stare but there’s a warmth in your gaze that wasn’t there before. Your smile isn’t for show. It’s for showing the world how you feel. Your strength returns. Your energy returns. Your mind sharpens. Anything seems possible.

I think my turn around came when I starting being more intentional about everything and less reactive. I know that the rest of my life’s success hinges on the things I intentionally put in place. It is a great feeling.