In news that will only be shocking to 53 percent of Rebeccas that voted for their lord and savior, the House Judiciary Committee said that Russia’s most entrenched bedbug did, in fact, betray America by being an absolute albatross and spineless sack of pig vomit.

Advertisement

On Monday, the House Judiciary Committee released a scathing report “laying out the rationale and charges that accuse [the president] of betraying the nation for his own political gain.”

According to the Boston Globe, House Democrats have charged two articles of impeachment against President Heinrich von GotHisAssNow: not wiping correctly and talking with food in his mouth abuse of power and obstruction of Congress.

Advertisement

The initial charge stems from Trump’s phone call with Ukrainian president Voldemort Vatkin (seriously do you know or care what his real name is?) in which America’s dumb-ass president figured that since he had ole Voldemort on the phone that he could strong-arm him into looking into his possible 2020 political rival Joe Biden. Oh, and the president was just going to hold onto Ukrainian aid that keeps Russia from going full Nipsey Hussle’s bodyguard on them. The second article of impeachment came after the House Judiciary Committee tried to conduct an investigation and the president did everything to prevent it.

From the Globe:

Detailing its case against the nation’s 45th president, the Judiciary panel released a 650-page report just after midnight. The document, which formally lays the groundwork for the vote, said Trump “betrayed the nation by abusing his high office to enlist a foreign power in corrupting democratic elections.”

The report was submitted to the House Rules Committee, which will meet Tuesday to set parameters for Wednesday’s debate.

The panel summarized the evidence for impeachment compiled by the House intelligence committee and said Trump “has demonstrated he will remain a threat to national security and the Constitution if allowed to remain in office.”

Trump, by refusing to cooperate with the House impeachment inquiry, violated the Constitution’s system of checks and balances, the report said.

The White House press secretary tweeted Monday, because no one in the press office meets with the media anymore, that the impeachment report being released “in the middle of the night” underscored that the impeachment effort was a “partisan sham.”

The White House press secretary is Stephanie Grisham.

Stephanie Grisham is full of shit.

Trump, who becomes the fourth U.S. president to be charged in impeachment proceedings, has insisted he has done nothing wrong, the Globe reports.

The House is expected to vote Wednesday on those impeachment articles and if approved, Trump will be impeached and then likely acquitted in GOP-led Senate trial as Mitch “Turtleneck” McConnell has already given a blood oath that he will be in full cooperation with the White House.