Welcome to my comic strip* wip thread which probably will fail. Since this is my first, I will try to keep it simple as much as possible. This is going to be a four-page comic inspired by a quatrain by a Turkish poet Ataol Behramoglu, one page for each verse.

First, I need a not-so-cheesy translation of the quatrain. I'm going to beg may English savvy friends for that. Here is my poor translation:

Headsman awoke up some night
"My Lord" he said "What a dilemma is this riddle:
While I kill, men increase
I'm dying out while I kill"

Looking forward to it! Why do you say it will probably fail? I saw your strips on Azrael and they were nice! But somehow I can't see your attached picture.

Anyway, I think the first word of the poem should be "Hangman" or "Executioner" instead of "Headsman"... but that's about all the help I can offer you...

paperclip

02-28-2005, 02:03 PM

This is sounding really cool! I can't wait to see the finished product.

Ilikesoup

02-28-2005, 05:58 PM

Anyway, I think the first word of the poem should be "Hangman" or "Executioner" instead of "Headsman"... but that's about all the help I can offer you...

Certainly makes sense. For wording you might consider:

Hangman awoke one night
"My Lord" he said "What a dilemma is this riddle:
While I kill, men multiply
I'm dying out while I kill"

I hope that's still in context with the poem. Sounds impressive -- like the executioner is questioning how useful the death penalty is in preventing crime. Does "dying out" mean that he's aging or becoming less human/numbed by the process? I'm looking forward to seeing this develop. :thumbsup:

augustus

02-28-2005, 06:26 PM

That definitely sounds better, thanks guys :love:. While we talking about the translation, the poet actually uses "to be depleted" instead of "to die out". Is that OK?

Story wise... Well, there will be no real story. Briefly, "Hangman" (:)) wakes up, goes out and kills somebody, turns back to home and goes to bed. That's all, enough for first try I think. I'll focus on the getting right mood.

I'm planing to finish character/environment designs and thumbnailing first page this week. It may be two pages per verse, to get better layout.

Thanks again.:love::love:

augustus

02-28-2005, 10:50 PM

First character concept. (http://august.f2o.org/Comic0305/hangman_design1.jpg) This is also pretty much how I'm plannig to draw.

.:ZRDwD:.

03-01-2005, 07:26 PM

I'm loving the first character concept. Very well done. Simple, yet complex.

You got my attention. :thumbsup:

augustus

03-01-2005, 11:20 PM

Thank you:). Here is another one with more painterly approach:

http://august.f2o.org/Comic0305/Hangman_design2.jpg

I think I'll go with this one (with a little simplification). He should look older though.

I'm almost finished thumnailing first page by the way.

DoInferno

03-01-2005, 11:26 PM

Wow! IŽll subscribe for this one! it seens pretty mean! At first i was imagening a medieval type of guy. And them... This man with the tie! Wow! Liked very much!

Loulu79

03-01-2005, 11:46 PM

Okay, I'm testing the waters(heeehee) :Dto see if my image is shown to y'all. Okay it works as a test. This is the character I noted earlier...about the inspiration I got when watching the Gundam series. He's no longer that favorite character...he's just a spawn of my own from years safely hidden in my head. My comic strip is like a little version of Meet Joe Black...and a mixture of the inspirational SandMan by Neil Gaiman. The story goes like this: It's the year 2060 and we are in outter space as part of our humbug life. Nothing's special, just like getting over the TV idea. After ten years, a captain meets his estranged "death". You see, no one can cure him...because no one ever encountered this situation before: one after another his organs disappear with no sign of such symptoms. Only an enemy who died ten years ago...has the answer. What do you think? Sounds interesting?

And btw: Augustus, you're not the only one who thinks your own original work would fail. I think we artists have an "art inferiority complex"...which in time can be cured by supporters (which would be the rest of us:D )...

I think you're character is swell! It sounds as if your character has a multiple split persnality: one day, a normal guy, but at night a hangman, and the next day back to normal...(I could be wrong).:thumbsup:

augustus

03-02-2005, 12:51 PM

DoInferno & Loulu: Thanks.

I've said this wip probably will fail, because there are too much things to learn in a little of time. One month is too short for a person has a totaly unrelated full-time job and no art education/experience. So, this is my learning thread:)

With your type of talent, you don't need to go to school to learn art. And yes it is a learning experience for most of us. So don't expect to grasp it in one month. Look at this as a monthly practise. Thank goodness it's not a Weekly Comic!:argh: :argh: :argh:

And I still have to draw my first pages together! You'll do fine. Like you said, it's just practise. In time you'll be a pro at this:thumbsup:

augustus

03-03-2005, 12:05 PM

I hope so:)

So, first page first thumnails. (http://august.f2o.org/Comic0305/page1.jpg)I really need crits at this stage:wavey:

I like it so far -- the water going down the drain is nice symbolism for your character's decreasing/dying. Seems like your 3rd panel is what's got you down. My suggestion is to eliminate it and make panel 2 into to #3. In #1 he could be asleep and having his nightmare. In #2 he wakes suddenly and bolts into a sitting position. By panel #3 he's rubbing his head and will make his way to the bathroom. Should be clear enough to the reader what's happening, plus you're showing that the dream really bothered your character.

Nice work so far. I like that you're making this a true WIP and showing us the process you're going through. I'll try to the same with mine rather than just posting finished pages.

augustus

03-03-2005, 07:00 PM

Hey, thanks for crits and suggestion:love:

You're right about #3, it breaks the continuity. Not sure about nightmare and sudden wake, I was plannig to avoid fast movements till verse #3, action scene:bounce:. I think I'll break this part into two pages, so I can get a cut from the bed to the bathroom. I'll also try a wider look of the bedroom as frame #1.

By the way Soup, how did you change the title of your thread?
Edit: Oh, Kirt did that for you.:)

Loulu79

03-03-2005, 11:24 PM

Augustus: At least yours is up and running. You're doing the sketches and getting critiqued. As for me...no one has gone to my post. (lol) probably bcuz I'm a newbie here. (lol)What went wrong???

augustus

03-04-2005, 07:15 AM

Edit: Argh, don't talk like a stupid:banghead:. New rule: Talk as much as you want, just don't say stupid things.

Loulu, keep it up:thumbsup:

augustus

03-05-2005, 12:52 PM

Search for style:

Edit: The picture is deleted. It was a crap.

augustus

03-05-2005, 03:25 PM

Here is the 2nd frame:bounce:

Edit: The picture is deleted. It was better than previous, but still a crap.

Three more, and first page will be done.

augustus

03-07-2005, 09:40 AM

Note to myself: Let the right side of your brain hanle this thing.

After a little bit self-administration, here is the page one:

http://august.f2o.org/Comic0305/page1sketch.jpg

yonna

03-07-2005, 08:47 PM

your comic-strip has a bit of a storyboard feel. A very fancy one. Im looking forward how you develop this one.

AcidArrow

03-07-2005, 08:53 PM

I'm happy you deleted those other two pics (they weren't bad, but the sketches have a lot more potential).

Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to this one. Hopefully the writing will also be as great as the art seems to be.

No, I should get back to trying to make some character deisgns...

Loulu79

03-08-2005, 11:19 PM

Thanks Augustus! Right now three responded. And the reason being is because I showed only one pict of one of the characters. They want to know more about my characters...more drawings of the work and ... well...the thing is I'm on it...but it's tedious,:banghead: time consuming and so much thinking and effort into this project:banghead:

And about me and attachments...well...I'm sorry for putting them in other's WIP Thread. I do apologize...

And here's my WIP (btw: comic drawings are in process...do be patient with me!)