Car Review: 2012 Audi A7

Originally published: January 18, 2012

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Rumour has it that Sophia Loren could act. I doubt many cinema critics ever noticed. One can rail against society all you want and condemn movie goers — men in particular — until the cows come home, but it won’t change the fact that worshipping beauty is as instinctual as breathing or eating. We lust for it beyond measure, forgive it sins we would not do for others and, especially if one happens to be a male of the species, are willing to sell our very soul for ownership, however temporary. “Beauty,” as renowned esthete Oscar Wilde once noted, “is the wonder of wonders.”

Let’s be absolutely truthful — those who possess beauty are seldom adverse to using it. Yes, the halls of Hollywood teem with starlets lamenting that no one takes their “art” seriously, but, then, that’s always after they’ve made their millions. Rare is the aspiring actress who says, “Oh, please, don’t take a picture of me in this clingy dress over this sewer grate lest I become stereotyped,” before she’s headlining her own movies. When you’re working your way up, one takes advantage of every opportunity.

That’s why I am guessing Audi Canada will not be too upset when I reveal that its new A7 has won the Canadian Automotive Jury’s Best of the Best for 2012 award largely because it looks awfully comely in a slinky set of 19-inch dubs and fetching Midnight blue paint job. Oh, as much as my fellow jurists will talk about sleek aerodynamics, taut handling and the frugal muscularity of Audi’s supercharged V6, the real reason all of us auto critics — males with the exception of one — couldn’t resist its charms is that we fell for its rear haunches.

The A7 follows a familiar formula. In fact, Audi is rather late to the party. Mercedes invented this four-door “coupe” segment with its alarmingly gorgeous CLS. Jaguar then followed suit with the almost as dramatic XF. And even BMW got into the act with its GT, although one has to think the German giant missed the lecture on beauty — not purported practicality — being the lure of this particular subgroup of sedans.

Eventually, one has to drive the car as a justification for ladling out 70 large (just as we had to get over the negligee scene in Marriage Italian Style and actually marvel at Loren’s ability to act 50 years old). And the A7 is a mighty fine automobile.

Unlike the original Mercedes CLS, for instance, the Audi’s swoopy rear roofline doesn’t make sitting in the rear seats feel like a jail sentence — that particular CLS’s minuscule windows reminding me of the tiny, high-mounted windows adorning the cells of any good prison movie.

For all its good looks, the A7, like most Audis, sports the practicality of all-wheel drive (what, Sophia cooks, too?). And, despite not having a V8 in the lineup, the A7’s 3.0-litre V6 powertrain is ideally suited to the A7’s role as the sleek but affordable luxury bolide.

Indeed, the A7 feels like an A6 that’s been lowered and stiffened, its steering a little sharper and tauter than the more family-oriented Audi. There’s all manner of adjustability to the chassis as well, computer controls readily available for the driver to adjust everything from suspension damping to steering effort. You will fiddle with it and then, more likely than not, return them to their standard settings.

The performance of the A7’s V6 is equally excellent if not quite superlative. Three litres of displacement fortified with an Eaton supercharger has resulted in 310 horsepower and, more importantly, 325 pound-feet of torque at a rather low 2,900 rpm. The result is almost diesel-like pulling power (I had just returned a Q7 with a 3.0L TDI V6 and noticed a marked similarity), with a little quicker throttle response and the ability to rev higher. This is a solid engine that sees duty in everything from the fuel economy-oriented Porsche Panamera Hybrid to the performance-oriented Audi S4. Such polyvalence is the mark of a very flexible motor and, although the A7’s overall fuel economy of 11 litres per 100 kilometre didn’t match the 10 or so I averaged in the hybrid Porsche, I also spent most of my time in the big Audi noodling around town. The best thing I can say about the blown 3.0L is that one never misses the two extra pistons Audi’s 4.2L V8 offers.

The A7 offers such practical benefits as a substantial trunk (with an available power lid opener), adequate rear-seat legroom, and, if one can place such a thing in the plus column, an onboard computer. Most useful is the navigation system, which is easier to decipher and more helpful than most.

Those of a more pragmatic nature might note that the A6 offers essentially the same platform and powertrain with more interior space (but less cargo capacity) than the A7 for slightly less money. That, however, is to miss the point. In almost all things, given roughly similar abilities and performances, people will always choose the more attractive option. We chose the A7 as our car of the year simply because it caught our eye. Or, as Wilde, the world’s greatest epigrammatist, concluded, “It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.”