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Topic: Is It Rude Not To Clean Your Plate? (Read 7357 times)

A colleague is hosting two students from China for the next two weeks. (We are in the US.) She has noticed that at mealtime, both boys eat every morsel of food on their plates. She is concerned that maybe culturally they consider it rude to leave anything uneaten. She is more than happy for them to eat anything and everything placed before them, but didn't want them to eat to the point of discomfort.

She first noticed this when she took the boys to a restaurant where portions are notoriously huge. The boys are only 8 and 9 years old, so I don't think it's a case of having "hollow legs" that so many teens develop. So, for those of you familiar with Chinese customs.....is it rude not to clean your plate?

When I was 8, I could put away more food than you'd think. My mother once got told off by another guest at a wedding for letting me load up a plate from the buffet (there was plenty left, I promise!) and that I was going to waste all the food. She invited the woman to sit down and watch me eat. Said woman watched in a combination of horror and fascination as my tiny girl self finished every scrap of food on the plate, after which my mother informed her that as her parent, she knew EXACTLY how much her child could eat.

Perhaps a good way to check is to serve a meal where the food is all placed on the table and everyone takes their own portions (ala a buffet). That way your colleague can compare the size of what the boys choose to eat when given control of their portion size to her own servings.

MIL's family is Chinese. She was born and raised in Beijing. Before going out for a meal at the home of friends, the children were always fed because it was considered somewhat shameful to eat too much at the house of another. If a kid did, it might be thought that the child didn't get enough to eat at home. With seven children in MIL's family, this could be a valid concern for the hosts.

This might have been a quirk of MIL's family because she still does it. When we visit her, she always serves appetizers before we go to the dining room for dinner.

Since traditional Chinese meals are served family-style, cleaning the plate wouldn't be much of an issue. You just take what you want on your bowl of rice. It certainly wouldn't be like being served a burger with a pound of fries on the plate.

When DD was 10 (so not much older than these boys) I was horrified to watch her scarf down three chicken breasts at a go - and this is a child that was thin and in good shape, not someone with pounds to lose - but she did it daily. breakfast, three eggs, toast, as much bacon as she could finagle me out of, a pastry, and then by lunch she was ready to go at it again. Kids can, and do, need a TON of fuel when they are getting ready for growth spurts.

I'd agree with Cherry to try and either do smaller portions with extras on the table or serve it 'family style' and let the kids get their own servings. If they are eating everything, even when they fill up their own heaping plates, then I'd say they likely are getting ready to shoot up a few inches.

I'd probably be concerned they weren't getting enough (maybe not off the giant restaurant portions, but at home). I would explain that they are welcome to stop eating when get full or (at home) get more if they finish their food and still feel hungry, neither will be rude.

MIL's family is Chinese. She was born and raised in Beijing. Before going out for a meal at the home of friends, the children were always fed because it was considered somewhat shameful to eat too much at the house of another. If a kid did, it might be thought that the child didn't get enough to eat at home. With seven children in MIL's family, this could be a valid concern for the hosts.

This might have been a quirk of MIL's family because she still does it. When we visit her, she always serves appetizers before we go to the dining room for dinner.

Since traditional Chinese meals are served family-style, cleaning the plate wouldn't be much of an issue. You just take what you want on your bowl of rice. It certainly wouldn't be like being served a burger with a pound of fries on the plate.

This.

The notion of eating all the food served to you on your plate doesn't apply because people traditionally choose what to put on their own plates--ensuring that they'll always get the right amount. And it's considered rude for the guests to finish all the food from all the various dishes for everyone to choose from, but it's not a huge deal.

I think either MIL has just raised her children to eat everything (my own parents were raised this way--it's not cultural per se, just some parents are like this all over the world, I guess), or the kids were actually just that hungry.

I have no idea, but I know many that age that could put away a ton a food. I remember watching in fascination and horror as a friend of mine, at about age 9-10, ate a huge chef salad, a fully loaded large pizza, and two helpings of dessert. He was a toothpick.

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I remember at that age, going out with my older siblings and eating four large slices of pizza and then going home and eating a full meal again. Nowadays I can't even finish a personal pizza. Fascinating and horrifying age. I was also a toothpick (sadly no longer ).

But if they are worried, perhaps serve family style or casually say "If there are leftovers, we can save it/take it home for later."

I would mention to the boys that in this country people commonly take their leftover food home so that if they are full this can be an option for them and that they are not obligated to clean their plates. This is not a commonly done thing in all countries so it may never have entered their minds to do this. I know in the small German town where my daughter lives that the doggy bag is only now becoming something that a few restaurants do and is starting to "catch on". After mentioning this I would give no more thought as to whether their plates were clean or not. I have seen boys and young men consume an absolutely astonishing amount of food to the point that I literally don't know where it all goes.

Maybe their parents have raised them to finish every bite on their plates for different reasons. I know it wasn't that long ago in this country that many parents insisted on their kids doing this very thing.

It's never rude to not clean your plate. Some people could claim that it is but that does not make it so.

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Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

This is one of those etiquette minefields. No matter what (general) you do, there's someone out there who will think it's rude. Some hosts will read a clean plate as rude because it implies the guest didn't get enough. Others will think you rude for leaving food on your plate, because it's wasteful.

I've found this is only an issue at formal-ish dinner parties where everyone's food is plated. I have been to exactly one of those (not counting wedding receptions) in the past 20 years. Everything else has been buffet or family style, where nobody cares how much you put on your plate, whether you go back for seconds (or thirds, or fourths), or whether you don't finish a portion.

I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that some in the Chinese culture may actually find it rude to completely clean the plate because it implies that the host has not properly provided enough food. Is the colleague sure she is making enough to handle the appetites of 2 young people? I remember being shocked how much my guy cousin could put away up through college.

My older DD, skinny as a rail, can put professional football players to shame for the amount of food she has always been able to put away. My dad used to always ask why I was always at the grocery store, until he and my step mom took her to their place in the mountains for a week. My dad looked at me and asked how I could afford to feed her, and where the heck was she putting it??? Take their food consumption as a compliment, and instead of saying anything, just have your friend watch to make sure they don't show signs of discomfort after a meal.