The Secret I’m Ashamed To Tell You (Living With Diabetes)

The Secret I’m Ashamed To Tell You

Living With Diabetes

Today is my birthday.

I am 44. The number itself doesn’t really mean much to me, as I’ve never let my age dictate my actions or attitude. But this birthday has a special significance, because I recently got a bad diagnosis from my doctor that has made me more determined than I’ve ever been in my life.

I’ve always been a big guy. When I was a kid, playing soccer (or, as it’s called everywhere but the U.S., football), my teammates nicknamed me “Bulldozer” because I had a tendency to go right through obstacles rather than seeking a way around them. I was younger than all my classmates by nearly two years due to skipping a grade, but size-wise you’d never have known it. My mom had to get my jeans from the Husky section, and I remember in high school being extremely embarrassed because we had to buy my pants for my performance in the One Act Play at a different store from all the other guys. At age 15, I was already a size 38 waist.

My grandfather was a big man, cut from hardy Scottish stock. My father seemed enormous to me, like a moving mountain. So, while I battled to keep my weight in check for most of my life, I never worried too much about it. The ladies seemed to like me, my size never held me back from going on amazing travel adventures, and my doctors never issued any cause for major alarm, even when I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol a few years ago.

But in late April, that all changedwhen my doctor told me I have diabetes. I wasn’t completely surprised, as I knew I had some blood sugar issues and had been making subtle adjustments, using Splenda rather than sugar, cutting back on alcohol, and eating more fruits and veggies. But it wasn’t enough. In our efforts to build GGT, I’d become a total workaholic, and the combination of stress, lack of exercise, and sitting at a computer 12 hours a day had broken down my system. I was sick, and being told that if I didn’t make some changes I could lose a leg, my eyesight, or even my life whipped my ass into gear.

I’m ashamed of the person I became, not just out of shape but completely out of touch with the work/play balance in my life. But I’m working my butt off to make changes. I’m working out 5-6 days a week now, varying between playing basketball, swimming and lifting weights to turn my fat into muscle. I’ve cut carbs almost completely out of my diet, painful though it was, and satisfy my sweet tooth with sugar free treats. I’ve still got a long way to go to look and feel like the man I’ve always wanted to be, but I’m proud of my progress so far.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to know that, no matter what obstacle you may have in your life, you can overcome it! I believe that miracles happen every day, and many begin with one simple thing: Faith. Whether it’s faith in a higher power or simply faith in yourself, there’s no greater magic than the power of positivity, and that’s what keeps me going when I want to give up.

With GGT, Mary and I are finally realizing our dream, and I’d like to think we’re doing our best to help others along the way. And that– as well as my deep love for Mary, my daughter, my friends and family– gives me something to live for, and makes me want to strive harder every day. Thanks for reading, and for being a part of our dream come true!

Stories You Might Have Missed

We understand that it’s difficult to keep up with everything that’s going on around the Internet on a day-to-day basis. So, just in case you missed it, here are links to some of the stories we posted this month:

First of all, Happy Birthday. And secondly, I want you to know that I’m really glad to hear about your desire to kick it in the butt and get healthy 🙂

I’m no stranger to health issues. I haven’t written about it yet for Marginal Boundaries or The Expat Guidebook, but you can read about my own journey at my Mediterranean Diet website.

Long story short….I used to have chronic sinus infections that were so bad I went through 12 rounds of antibiotics one winter. I had chronic tendinitis and a cyst in my ankle. After I moved to Bulgaria and started eating The Mediterranean Diet…everything went away. I haven’t had a cold, a sniffle, a cough or anything in almost 5 years now. My sinus infections disappeared. Cyst disappeared. Tendinitis went away. And I lost over 50 pounds in 2 years and then another 10 up until early 2012, when I started doing P90X to bulk up with muscle as I had turned into a scrawny (albeit healthy) traveling beast 🙂

Whole foods and regular exercise are the key, man. It’s awesome that you are taking the right steps. Sorry to hear about your diabetes, but thankfully it’s an entirely curable issue that just needs the right combination of foods and healthy living/regular fitness. The body is an incredible self-healing mechanism!

Well said, bro. When you initially told me about your condition, it startled me just a pinch. But when I looked in your eyes and saw that you were going to fight it head on, I knew it would be all right. If times get tough, though, know that you and Mary can lean on me and Zee for support. Always… Oh, and Happy Birthday!

Please don’t feel ashamed. Every one of us has something that makes us feel less than perfect. It’s part of being human. If you knew more people’s secrets, you might be amazed. Huge congratulations for facing up to this and making the necessary changes. And for writing this post.

Happy Birthday Bret!! And glad to see nothing is letting you give up on your dreams! It’s a very fast paced world out there and taking care of our body is not always the first thing to come to mind. It must have been hard hearing the news and now sharing it with all your readers but I know you will inspire quite a few during your journey as well as rise above in great health. I wish you the best of health this year and the best of birthdays!

Bret, Happy Birthday! Were all with you in the battle with life and yeah, age keeps throwing new stuff at us all to rise up and meet the challenge. It’s good to see you are doing just that. I work in the medical field and see a lot of diabetic patients say “I’ll do what I want and eat what I want”. They take the “I’m not going to acknowledge it approach” but you have to and you have to work at it because it will acknowledge you. It catches up to them, so keep eating healthy and exercising with some type of consistency, stay motivated!

One cool thing is you can take your smart phone and while you spend an hour doing cardio on a treadmill you can look at some tweets, scan the global bloggers network for info, etc. I do this all the time and It keeps my mind occupied so the time flies by.

Happy birthday, Bret! This was an excellent message. I’ve all but stopped working out in recent months, have been told I have high cholesterol, and even that my body type is prone to diabetes. Great kick in the butt to get myself back on gear!

You’re looking GREAT and what an inspirational post. So true that attitude – or faith – makes such a difference in how someone can view life and their experiences in life, I have to work hard at it as had serious episodes of depression so know of what you speak all too well 🙂 Have a wonderful b-day.

Thanks, Molly! I have friends and family members who battle depression, so I understand how tough that can be. I was severely depressed as a teen and have written a post about the suicidal thoughts I used to have, but mine was situational rather than clinical. Now, I always tend to focus on the positive.

Many of my clients have diabetes and have particular shoe requirements. But a couple who went on weight reduction programs have found their diabetes has disappeared and are now living a good life. So you’re doing the right things, paying attention to diet and exercise! Best wishes for you Bret! And with your Scottish heritage you’ve got the right body to win every caber tossing event at the Highland games!

My father was diagnosed with Diabetes several years ago. It ended up being one of the best things that has ever happened to him. He got on a serious fitness regime and ended up losing all of the excess weight he had been carrying for years. He eliminated bad habits such as over-eating and eating the wrong foods. Within just a couple of years he was no longer needing to take any medications and the doctor actually cleared him of having it. His blood sugar is now completely normal. Maybe you’ll have a similar story to tell in the not too distant future. Best wishes!

Hey Bret! Sounds like you’re tackling this thing head on, well done! Sometimes it takes a major bump in the road to help us get motivated on a new and exciting path, and you don’t seem like the sort of person to take bumps lying down 🙂 Keep smiling 😀

Thanks, Laurence! As a friend recently said on my FB page, I’m definitely the sort of strong-willed person who tends to get things done, so I feel confident I can beat it. I just hate that I let my health deteriorate so much before waking up to it. Oh well, live and learn…

Firstly, Happy Birthday! There’s lots of things in life that make you have to stop, think and take control of your life. Many people stumble and let the situation hold it back… so good on you for making changes and not letting it affect your ambitions and your future. The fighting spirit and determination always triumpths, and you seem to have that in droves!

Thanks, Becki! I definitely am a fighter, though there are days when I wish I didn’t have to fight so hard all the time. Hopefully things will settle down a bit soon now that I’m finding the work/play/exercise balance.

FIrst of all Happy Birthday Bret! I think the story you shared about yourself is SO important because so many people just accept life for however it turned out but you are proof that if you really want to change things you can.

Thanks, Ayngelina! I’ve never been very good about accepting things as they are, but hopefully as I get older I’m getting better about learning the lessons of the “Serenity Prayer” and accepting the things I cannot change. In this case, I know there’s a simple formula for beating all of my health issues, and I just have to find the time and energy to do it. It hasn’t been easy, but the overall improvement in my health is definitely worth it. Can’t wait to see where I’ll be a few months from now…

Thanks, Cole! I actually ended up working out twice on my birthday, doing some weight training in the morning (right before the photo, LOL) and swimming some laps at the lake last night. I feel myself getting stronger every day.

First of all “Happy birthday!” I know birthdays may not mean much but it’s always nice for people to acknowledge you.

I grew up a really skinny kid – quite the opposite of you. Heading into my senior year of high school, I was 5’10 135 lbs. I “bulked up” to 145 and now I weigh around 180 (if you’ve seen photos of me, I’ve not fat at all but not the intimidating physical specimen I once was) 🙂 With that said, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes a couple of years ago. My grandmother has it and I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents get it. It’s just a hereditary thing for me.

Exercise is HUGE so I commend you for working hard and getting in shape. I completely understand the workaholic thing because I do it as well. However, balance and exercise are key. Here’s hoping you stay on track and beat this to live a long, healthy life!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Jeremy. The funny is that I actually do enjoy being active and getting exercise, I just wasn’t doing it over the winter because we were so incredibly busy trying to build GGT quickly. We’d been supporting a family of three on a freelancer’s salary for two years, and I was really only working at the writing gig part-time because GGT took so much of our time and energy to grow. I’m glad we did it, but I’m also glad we’re at a place now where we can breathe a little and strive for more balance. But I’m still a workaholic… 😛

Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve made some really positive life changes and I hope you continue to see the effects. I used to work on a number of diabetes-related scientific journals so I know only too well about the side effects. There was one whole magazine called ‘The Diabetic Foot’! No joke. The great thing about travel is that it offers so many exciting opportunities to stay active. The downside is all the tempting foreign food! Stay strong and keep up the hard work. 🙂

Congrats on getting healthy, Bret! We also spend way too much time on our computers, and it’s starting to affect our energy levels and sense of well-being. So we’ve just made the commitment as well to be more active and eat foods that are super delicious AND healthy. It feels great to finally make that a priority.

Thanks, Christy! It’s funny how these things can get away from us, when they’re so important to our overall sense of well-being. It just feels as if there are so many things constantly competing for our attention, we barely have time to breathe! Best of luck with your new commitment.

Kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns, Miss Mason! With Mary, Alex, great friends like you and the adventures I get to have through GGT, I certainly have PLENTY of reasons to stick around for as long as possible.

I love posts like this that are from the heart. It shows that all kinds of people travel and everyone has things to worry about. Good for you for making changes to get healthy! It’s definitely gratifying to lose weight and the endorphins from working out are the cherry on top.

Thanks, Ava. We don’t talk about our personal lives all that often on GGT, but hopefully through the monthly newsletter we’ll be able to pull back the curtains a little bit on the people who make GGT tick.

Happy Birthday, Bret! It’s so easy to get caught up in life that we forget to take care of ourselves. Glad that you even went to the doc to learn the diagnosis. Now you can continue doing what you are doing and work on getting healthy! 🙂

I was honestly very slack about my health until I turned 40. But once i hit that milestone, I got self-employment insurance and began going for regular check-ups. There’s too much history of heart disease, cancer, etc. in my family not to. Now, I go every 3 months so they can monitor my progress… Thanks for the bday wishes!

Thanks, Jen! I’m certainly trying to treat myself better at 44 than I did at 43. I think sometimes I just get so busy that I forget how old I am, and that my body works differently than it did at 24 (which is about how old I feel most days).

Bret, Thank you for sharing. You (and Mary) are very inspiring and I am so happy you get to pursue your dreams and do so many amazing things. I especially love what you wrote about faith & positivity. I absolutely believe that, too. All the best to you & Happy Birthday!

I’m so glad that you didn’t do what so many self employed people do, which is to ignore their health. I’m glad that you caught this early while it is still manageable. Just fact that you continually strive to strike a balance between work and play is probably going to serve you well. I love your attitude! I think everything is going to turn out just fine. If you haven’t already begun, you should start reading Dr. Andrew Weil. He’s brilliant and my hippie ex-wife (diabetes nurse) had all of her patients reading his stuff. Happy birthday, Bret!

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you are having an amazing day:) Also, I just want to congratulate you on what you have accomplished. You are doing so well and have been so successful with your blog, and as I read, all other aspects of your life. Keep up the good work!

Happy Belated Birthday and thanks for sharing your struggle. The fact that you’re making goals to improve your health and actually reaching those goals is an inspiration. I was told I have borderline high-cholesterol a few weeks ago and it totally freaked me out. I, too, have been overwhelmed with life lately.

I’ve been making changes similar to you like eating more veggies and cutting out alcohol (agh!) and am beginning to feel a difference. We all think it can’t happen to us. I do triathlons, have always been healthy and athletic and am a medic in the Army, but if you don’t take care of your body on the inside it doesn’t make a bit of difference. I wish you the best of luck!

Firstly – a very happy birthday, and may your personal new year be healthy, happy & successful. Secondly – well done for sharing this. Sharing personal stuff doesn’t come easily to many of us, and I admire your courage in talking about this, so thank you. It will help others in the telling. Thirdly, congratulations on your attitude and positivity, which are inspiring, to say the least.

I’m 65 now, so health tends to be on one’s mind more than when one is younger, and I see folk all around me suffering some consequence or other of not taking proper care of themselves when younger. People I’ve known most of my life are beginning to pay the ultimate price for that too. The attitude was “I’ll stop smoking/do more exercise/eat less fats & sugar/whatever when it begins to affect me,” sadly what some have found is that once they feel the affects, it’s too late.

On a brighter note, my aunt was diagnosed some years back with diabetes and by sticking strictly to diet & exercise, she saved her own life last year when she had a slight stroke. Had she not been so fit (now 88 and still yoga every morning, and dancing as much as she can – before the stroke it was 3 ore 4 times a week!) the stroke would have killed her. Some of the fittest people I know are, actually, diabetic because they are conscious of everything they put into their bodies.

Thanks again, congratulations again and lots of luck (if you like good food it’s not easy!),.

Inspiring post Bret. I’m still quite a bit younger than you, but have often wondered if this sort of thing is out on the horizon and coming closer for myself. Actually, I don’t wonder…I know it. Thanks for kicking me in the pants…time to start running again…

Bret–Happy Birthday and thanks for your profound gift of honesty. We have FAITH that you will BULLDOZE your way to a healthier balance in your life. Your progress toward that goal in such a short time is inspiring. I am now going to get off my ass and go have a swim.

I’m so sorry the doctor had bad news for you, but I have to say I love your outlook! Already you can see a difference, and with that kind of attitude, it sounds like you’ll even end up healthier than the average person despite the diabetes.

Sorry to hear about that – I know a lot of people with diabetes, and it really depends on your outlook. Some just say “Screw it” and keep doing what they’re doing, while others make a complete lifestyle change and it actually becomes a good thing.

Diabetes is totally manageable, I know many people who have it, even severe cases who lead a completely normal life. This being said, never quit a healthy lifestyle, exercise and be careful about everything in your diet. Sadly, I have a bad case of diabetes in my family totally caused by self-negligence, and I can tell you that losing a leg and eyesight is the very beginning. I’ve cut refined sugar and other dangerous substances present in many of the products on the market, many people call me paranoid (and I probably am!), but once I got used, it’s not that difficult anymore and I actually enjoy my new lifestyle 😉

Happy birthday! And good on you for taking control of your health. The best thing about a good diet and regular exercise is that it improves so many elements of your life. Hopefully you’ll look back at this one day and see your diagnosis as a blessing in disguise! Good luck to you!

What a wonderful inspiring post. I read another post today on Family on Bikes about travelling with disabilities. It’s great to see that this hurdles don’t stop people from realising their dreams. Thanks you for sharing, and happy birthday!

Happy birthday (again)! You are a water sign — like me, I’m a Pisces — which apparently means you can change and adapt better than most. It’s great that you changed in response to the wake-up call, and I hope you keep “going with the flow” of being in tune with yourself and endeavouring to lead a healthy life.

Sorry to know about your diagnosis but its heartening to read that you have not been de-sprited by it. Hope all goes well for you, it will definitely because as you said faith cures even the incurable!! And yeah, belated Birthday Wishes:)

I also felt embarrassed but decided to change it and search sink, and the truth is that diabetes is controllable and curable, what is missing is information to people, I did not know I had a cure, but after I read about it and I began to follow certain rules, such as walking every day, different food, … and others … but now do not have to take so many medications and spend so much money .. very good information their congratulations