May 26, 2009Why You Can’t Find a GOOD Man

I was reading a blog that I tend to read very often by Shaun King called Shaun in the City, and he brought up a hot button topic for men and women (particularly here in Atlanta.) He was concerned about why “good” women here are not able to find a man even though they are highly educated with Masters degrees and Ph.d’s and are beautiful. He says “own their own, they are the bomb. However, without fail, they are overwhelmingly single and highly disappointed with the market for men in our city.” He says that they are falling for men who are married, heterosexual and permanently single, sorry (permanently unemployed, cheaters, dirty, bad habits, abusive, thuggish, etc.), gay (undercover gay, normal gay, flamboyantly gay) or caught up in the criminal justice system (in jail, on the way to jail, or just got out of jail.)

I personally think that the “problem” is a lot more simple than these single people know. They are “too smart” for their own good, I suppose. And as I surfed through the comments (mostly from the ladies) I noticed again some of the same problems that is leaving them currently single. I wanted to respond to every single comment but instead decided to post this blogpost.

So here is my disclaimer: You will probably be offended. Get over it. Somebody had to tell you the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts and is most times controversial. Do not try to come up with excuses as to why I am wrong. I’m probably not. In fact, I’m quite sure of it. I’m not single. I’m pretty happily married. I am where you are trying to be. So stop wearing your feelings on your sleeves. If you will listen you might be able to be helped. So here goes. This is why you can’t find a good man.

1. You are defining your success by the wrong standards: I noticed that most of the comments in Shaun’s post were saying “I’m educated, and beautiful” as if being smart and pretty guarantees you a good man. There is nothing wrong with having something going for you in the education department and chances are you didn’t have anything to do with how pretty you are. (Thank your mama for that.) So why do you keep bringing this up? Do you think that a woman who is less educated and not so pretty should get the second rate gentlemen that you are so frequently ending up with? The fact is that if you are defining yourself by these things it’s being shallow. Why aren’t you talking about the integrity that you have, the character you possess? Why haven’t you mentioned that you are kind, funny, non-judgemental? Did you say anything about being supportive, easy going? Did you let us know that even though you aren’t yourself perfect that you have identified areas of your life that are weak and that you are working on it? Your MBA or Ph.d is really nice. It is. It just won’t help you advance your relationship. Sorry.

2. Measuring Men by the Wrong Stick: While at first that seems like a double entendre, it’s not meant to be. Your problem you smart, beautiful woman you, is that you choose men by a different standard than you measure him with. It’s like comparing apples and oranges. What do I mean? Well you choose men usually based solely on those same shallow standards that you use to measure your own success. So you look for a guy with money, has at least the same level education, and is extremely good looking. And there is nothing wrong with that, except you eventually measure him by more core items such as his character. You wait way too long to start making his character mean anything to you. While men tend to look for good lookng women, they also know what type of personality, character, etc. that he is looking for. There are men who are out just to have a good time (and there are men out there doing that) but when these men get serious, they absolutely already know what type of woman he wants in most areas and he won’t take a woman home to meet his parents that don’t fit the bill. They don’t settle. Why do you?

3. Fear of being alone: My wife and I always tell young ladies that we found each other during a time that neither of us were searching for a mate. We were absorbed in bettering ourselves personally and being busy about life. She tells them to stop looking for a man. Seriously just stop dating period. Yet these women think that if they start taking time out of the meat market to work on themselves and enjoy the gift of singleness, that Mr. Right will pass them by. “My biological clock is ticking and it’s cold on Christmas!” So instead of being discriminating, ladies, you end up trying to get close to whomever shows you any sort of interest just because of fear. Don’t give me excuses on this one.

4. Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places: Everyone knows the adage, that if you continue to do what you’ve been doing, you’ll continue to get what you’ve been getting. Where have you been finding all these “winners” you’ve been dating. If it has been at the same consistent places, may be it’s time for a change. I hear you saying, “I know somebody who found her husband at the night club or on Twitter.” Good for them. We are talking about you. That hasn’t worked for you. Really, you should try finding somebody at a place where you two are involved in an activity and get to interact more than once before exchanging phone numbers. This way you get a chance to see them interact with people in action a few times. “But I met him at church!” So what! While church seems noble you still don’t get a good chance to interact with him unless you are involved in a ministry activities with him. Bottom line: you need to see this person a few times more than once in most cases.

5. Looking for Love Period: I am a believer that a man finds a wife. Sorry. I believe in the Bible where it says that when a man finds a wife he finds good. Ladies, that does not put you in a powerless position. It makes the man do the chasing and it puts you in a position to examine and send the dirty rotten scoundrels on their way. “But what if the guys don’t come looking for me?” Well, it looks like that fear of being alone creeping back in. If they are not seeking after you… why are you chasing them? The men that you chase figure that you are desperate. He knows that he can be sorry, married, a player, or whatever and still stay in your good graces a long time because you came looking for him. When you came chasing you gave your power away.

6. Making Things Options That Shouldn’t Be Options: One of the most disturbing comments I read in Shaun’s post was a woman who said that she considered “settling for someone else’s man.” Uh, this should not have even been an option. This is like saying you are looking for a new car and come looking in my garage. That’s not an option on the table for you. I am never sure why single women want married men, even if these married men come looking for you – he’s no-good ladies! The second thing I read is that the women think that the options mentioned in the post (married, sorry, in the justice system, player, etc.) are the only options out there. This list should be your “don’t date” list, not your dating options list. Once you eliminate these guys all that’s left are those good men that you have been in search of.

7. Stop saying there are no good men!: I commented on Shaun’s post asking women to stop saying that there are no good men out there. There are good men. I am one of them. And before I married my wife, I was a single man and my wife was able to see past all the crap guys to see me and I pursued her. Ladies, if you stay convinced that there are no good men, you will continue to settle for the ones that aren’t. Keep hope alive. There are good men. You just need to make sure that when he finds you, that you are everything that you want him to be. Because a good man is not looking for a woman that is less a good woman than he is a good man.

1. When I meet people, I do not tell them that I am working on my doctorate (I know you didn’t say that). If they ask me what kind of work I do, I can’t lie because I am a full-time student. I will also metion that I am former educator.

2. Not looking for a guy with money because that does not guarantee happiness or that a relationship/marriage will last. I have been approached by more married men than I care to admit, but that’s a different topic. It’s actually ironic that you stated most women are looking for men with the same level of education. I have never dated a man with a college degree and never stated that I would only date college-educated men. It’s just that I tend to attract those types of men. No, I don’t hang-out at the clubs, baring my body parts, gold teeth, etc. I am probably the most covered-up person there! Bottom line: I like to have a good time when I go out…joking, laughing, listening to music. I also love sports!
3. I have gotten over that since I have been single for 2 years. As I said in my post, I had to accept the POSSIBILITY that I could be single for most of my life….I have come to terms with that. It doesn’t mean I won’t date, but I have other priorities right now. Also, I know too many people who are unhappily married so I am not rushing to walk down the aisle.

4. Haven’t met too many men in bookstores or libraries so if those are the ‘wrong’ places, maybe that;s ok because at least I know the guys there like to read!

5. I refuse to settle so if I do not find someone who has the qualities I seek, then I will have to find contentment with my single status.

Thanks for the reply. Sometimes I like to oversimplify in order to get people to stop looking outward for the problem and to look at themselves. We can’t change others but the biggest change we can make is us.

I loved #1 and #5. However, I understand why women act out of fear. How many times do magazines create articles about the shortage of black men, creating panic nationwide? And what about parents, who pressure you at every turn about getting married. And sometimes men contribute to the fear too, boasting that ‘you’ll never find another one like me’. I am married now, and found my husband when I wasn’t looking at all. And I think the only thing that stopped my fear is that my mother and grandmother instilled in me the confidence to never settle. So mothers, never forget to tell your daughters how beautiful, special, and wonderful they are.

There is no right or wrong place to look. People find love is all kinds of places, and in all kinds of situations. Did you read the story about a year or so ago where a man in New York saw a woman on the subway, and was smitten by her. He got off the subway at the stop she got off, so that he could try and meet her, however, she was lost in the crowd, and he could not find her. He was so persistent that he went online, and eventually found her. She happened to be visiting the U.S. from a european country.

Great topic! You are so correct when you state that biblical principle states “he that findth a wife findeth a good thing….” We as women need to learn how to play the old game “hide and seek “and to just “be STILL and KNOW…”

“He that finds a wife”, is one of the most misinterpreted scriptures in the Bible. The scripture is not meant to define women as prey. This scripture supports the book of Genesis where it says something like, “God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so he created woman”. It s more about the benefits of a relationship with a woman for a man, it is not about a hunting game. If you go to the New Testament, Paul’s teachings are about relationships between a man and a woman. After all, Adam did not hunt for Eve, Abraham did not hunt for Sara, Isaac did not hunt for Rebecca, Boaz did not hunt for Ruth, the King did not hunt for Esther, and Joseph did not hunt for Mary.

Chew you out? You are right on the mark with your comments. Honestly though, I’m not looking to get into a relationship because like you said in the post, I keep doing the same thing over and over. Its time for me to sit back and re-organize. I also enjoy the freedom of being able to do what I want without checking in with my probation officer ie boyfriend…lol. And I’ve ALWAYS been that person that believed in the fact that its a mans decision to be in a relationship. I’m not perfect and I use to fall victim of chasing men all over Atlanta. But I’ve wisened up. I spend all this energy on someone who could hardly care less if I even ate today…lol. So now its to the point where I don’t even save mens #’s. If they call they call, if they don’t… they don’t. It filters out the men and makes me in a position to not rush BS…Besides, if I ever get desperate (which I doubt)..I’m Nigerian, I’ll just have my parents arrange a marriage…they’re always trying to do it now anywayz…hahahaha!

I agree 100%!! My husband is also a “Good Man” and I am tired of women saying there aren’t any out there. Women need to realize that no man can complete you. You need to work on becoming a complete woman first. Work on knowing and loving yourself for who you are, and leave the rest to GOD.

I’m single and I’m always the one telling my friends there are good men out there. I know it and I won’t lose hope. Personally, I am sick of hearing about this topic. The media is saturated with “how to get a man” books/articles as if women are inept in dealing with men. It can be frustrating sometimes because women are not always the problem.

I feel you!! I’m in the looking for love period relationship! I know he is not the one for me but for some reason I can’t leave him alone ! I’m usually the one tellin my homegirls to leave no good ass n — alone now it’s me ! I really need help!

I wouldn’t dare chew you out. Women need to hear the truth from a mans perspective. I think some have listened to men playing games for so long that they are not sure how to handle the truth from a real man. Also, you are right…the truth does hurt. But it is the sting from the truth that should provoke self reflection, change and then growth.

This blog was sent to me by a friend and it was right on time, coming off the holiday weekend I was just questioning my singlehood and coming to the conclusion that I have been given a second chance at being single and I want to do it right this time. I cannot do that by concentrating on needing or wanting someone in my life. I better continue this on my own blog.

Thanks so much, I don’t believe the truth can be told to us ladies enough!

This was a great read and I “Retweeted” it earlier on Twitter.com. Just as long as men understand that this isn’t why all or most single sistahs are single. Some of us don’t even fit any of the criteria discussed in your blog & not all of us can relate to every thing pointed out. I only say this because you can do everything right…according to black man’s standards and or our own standards and still end up single. I’m okay with owning up to my sh*t, admitting my flaws and faults but in my opinion…some men just want tooooooo much.

Another opinion I have is some women, (who I’d love to recall and deprogram), make it entirely too freaking easy for some of these men. The ratio is crazy, women are competing for single and taken men, and on top of that some are accepting any type of behavior. So by the time the dude gets to us non crazy single and deserving sistahs, he is not loving, caring, thoughtful, chivalrous, selfless, or any of the characters we would desire.

This isn’t the case for all men….just like the points made in your blog aren’t for all women. But I just wanted to make my own points because from my observation…some of us women are letting too much slide and some of these men forgot how to be GOOD men because of it.

I agree with you Claudia. This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch. This blog was in response to Shaun King’s blog post and the comments that the women were making on his post. This is the stuff they were saying about themselves.

You were right on the mark with all of your comments! I don’t fit into the criteria you mentioned (I am fiercely independent), but definitely understand why this can delay some from finding Mr. Right. I hate to admit it, but women do have a tendency to settle for less and it makes it much harder for those who do not subscribe to this mentality. Great post!

I agree with you all the way around. In fact you are right on the money. I was single until 4-5years ago. I prayed for god to send me my mate, but then I stopped focusing on men and begin focusing on me. I worked on me. I had a list of standards at one point, and I didn’t lower them. I just decided that a good man was a man of charcater, honesty, god fearing. I looked at myself, I am a good person, with a good heart, supportive, honest godfearing. I prayed for someone with similar qualities. These where all qualities that were important. So I stopped looking, in fact I didn;t even pay attention to men. They had to be pretty persistent to get my attention. I was amazed at how many folks tried to hook me up, and set me up on blind dates. They felt I was a good woman and should be married, and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t.

When I began to focus on me, and improve myself as a person. I stopped dating, stopped accepting blind dates. Then my husband came out of no where. I knew him from childhood. Saw him at a funeral. I invited him his brother and cousin to church, (just being friendly, I didn’t even expect him to come) but he actually came (I admit it surprised me). I still didn;t think anything of it.

He then asked someone that we knew mutually for my number and called to thank me about a week later for inviting him to church). I still didn’t think anything of it. However, he began to call regularly and I enjoyed talking with him. (We actually lived 400+ miles away from each other). We became good friends.

So I agree with you. I feel I went about things the wrong way for many years. I didn’t have the best luck with men. But I have a good one now, and I am blessed.

Great post! It’s interesting because with the exception of 1&2, these categories all describe the same type of single woman – a desperate one. I don’t see myself as falling into any of these categories, and have to agree with several of the earlier responders that it isn’t always the woman’s fault she’s single. A big problem I see is that men oftentimes stereotype women who are successful and assume we are like the women you describe in points 1&2. In my experience, the MEN are the ones who are uncomfortable with themselves and what they have or have not achieved, and are uncomfortable being with a woman who has achieved a certain level of professional success… particularly if they are not where they want to be in life. So while I agree that there are many women out there who are single because of the way they think, there are many others who are single because of the way men think. It’s really become quite the vicious cycle!

well, some of the stuff MAY be true for SOME women. however, i am not only “pretty and educated” LOL, but also consider myself a person of high ethical standards, i am sociable, understanding and honestly a woman that many men have claimed they wish they could have.

however, it’s still hard to find that guy who is decent looking, decently educated AND who is kind, honest, understanding and caring. yes I met that man, but he had a severe mental health issue because of which we had to part. very sad.

recommendation: in the future, please don’t generalize (not all women, or men, are the same), and PLEASE don’t write about how people should run their lives. everyone has a different life.

All I can say is thank you for this post. It was really encouraging and refreshing. I’m in New York and if people think Atlanta is difficult, they ought to move here and try it out for a few.

I feel compelled to share what a friend told me once a few years ago. She told me that she wants to be so caught up in serving and loving God that one day she wakes up and realizes she has a husband. So let’s be so caught up in God that we have no time to think about our singleness. I think that would take us all a long way.

I can’t chew you out because I agree. Great post, and great insights. Thanks for sharing.

I agree with loudmouthprotestant…if people think Atlanta is bad, (where I’ve lived) come to NYC (where I currently live) and try this “single” game. If you’re not around encouraging people, in the Word and focused on God, you can be utterly, and terribly discouraged.

BUT—thank God for God, and that what he has for ME, it’s STILL for ME (only..get out my garage!😉

Thanks for the blog. Interesting, and quite relevant. As a single woman, I have often felt like being successful, organized, discerning/discriminating and self-actualized was a curse. As a 38-year old woman, it has taken a lot of gumption to accept responsibility for all the games I played and corners I turned in my earlier years, and how those bad behaviors affected me psychologically and mentally.

Now that I am older, and more aware, and wiser, I am so thankful to be able to take care of myself and my friends and family; make a good living; travel and many more activities. I have a good, full life, and if it happens that my man cannot find me for all of the decoys in the field, then so be it.

Thanking GOD for his mercies, tender graces, for the example of those that went before, and for brothers like you who stepped up to the plate, stepped out and faith, and claimed your mate.

I just got this email from a friend and I love it! I think women don’t realize their power. They have the power to make men step correct. For example, #5 talks about the overly aggressive woman who loves to do the pursuing. Immediately she becomes powerless ( ex. Halle Berry & David Justice). When a man is sure of who he wants he will pursue her.

#1 is awesome because we’re socialized to value people by what they do (career) and not who they are.

One thing you did not talk about is women making projects out of men. A lot of times women fall in love with what she sees her man having the potential to be instead of who he is now.

I think we make it more complicated than it has to be. Lists like this worry me because it could make you believe that you dont have a man because something is wrong with “you” and that “if someone is married” or “dating someone” that they have it more together and are not struggling with some of the things on this list. Many women are not in relationships because its not what God has for you right now. If marriage is part of his plan, he will bring someone at his appointed time. I dont believe that God has preordained marriage for everyone but if he has planned it for you and purposed it in your heart, he will bring someone at his appointed time. I think its just that simple. Of course making it this simple doesn’t sell books or attract blog readers. Until God brings someone, we need to spend our time striving to be who God created us to be spiritually, emotionally and financially.

I understand where you’re coming from Harem. This list is not saying that “these are the reasons why you are single” the list is addressing 7 repeating comments from the readers of Shaun King’s post. I was answering those comments. I am also sometimes leary of lists. I also agree that there are people that are in relationships that struggle with items from the “list” however, that doesn’t exclude them from addressing the issues that they do have from the list. I say “if the shoe fits… take it off!”

I don’t believe in sugar coating life. Be honest, deal in truth. People need to realize that sometimes OTHER people are not the problem. Sometimes we are our OWN problem and that is not told to us enough. The people who I am addressing in the blog post… are in fact the problem. And if they were “destined” to be single, they wouldn’t crave marriage. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate you reading.

[…] the last couple of days. I had the good fortune of happening upon a great blog post entitled “Why You Can’t Find a GOOD Man“. The blogger, David, a married man of God living in Atlanta, really laid the whole […]

As a woman surrounded by ladies finding the “wrong man”, I have to agree with you for the most part. Of course details differ, but I think all your general concepts are dead on.

The one about the man chasing the woman is iffy to me, but you do have a point- When you chase, you give up the power.

I liked this article– you have a lot of good ideas that more women should read.

I especially love the first one. Character is THE most important reason you should be with someone.
And along the same lines, its also absolutely necessary to better yourself for YOU, not to attract a mate. A confident, competent, well-rounded, happy person with hobbies, interests and a liveliness about them is a much more attractive person than one who with a pretty smile and a PHD.

What is interesting to me is that when a woman is single, it is automatically assumed that she’s doing something wrong. Has it ever been considered that the demand exceeds the supply. There are more demand for eligible, good men than that are out there. This is why some women tend to settle and there is no reason for a man to settle because he has many more options than a woman has, so I think that your comment about a man not settling and a woman settling was a bit shallow.

Let me ask you. How can it not be in God’s plan to bring a mate to some individuals? Didn’t God make woman to be a man’s helpmate? Did’nt he instill in most of us the desire to receive and give love in our lives? Why would someone have the desire to have a mate if God didn’t make this part of his plan? I don’t like to see some Christians talk as if they are talking on behalf of God. You are not God. God would not have given us the ability and desire to love and receive love if he didn’t plan for us to have a mate in our lives.

I’m responding to your response to Harem. You stated in your introduction that you were married and the audience to which you speak is not so that somehow makes you the expert or show that you are not experiencing any of these attributes in your list. Thus, you are contradictory in your response to Harem when you say that there are people in relationships that struggle with those items in your list.

I am a 46 yr old black female. I never reveal my staus unless im asked, and only then i tend to not relickquish all my beautiful qualities. i beleive in, demonstrating instead of just alot of talk. as they say the proof is in the putting. Most of the time i’m truned off by men who constantly brag about themselves, and there “manhood” i have dated several men over time, and I always treat an individual as you want to be treated. i love the joys of life and just want a companion i can travel with enjoy nights out and be able to share my my energy with.the 30 to 39 age group of men i find that attracted to me, which is fine, I have no problem iving anyone a fair chance. So, on the 1st date, I meet them and instantly they become impressed by the vehicle i drive, ok all good.But after dating for a period of time, and things are progressing, I may decide to invite them over for dinner and cocktails, which always goes well for me. I get the compliments of how i carry myself and my home,which I adore because I have really worked hard for what I have accomplished being a single woman. then here comes the good part ” you sound like a white girl” why is that? I happen to live, speak,eat, differently then the average person, I think they feel threatened.I am not one to ask for things, because i feel they should be offered. I am truly old school. I like the flowers, candy, museums, as well as dropping it like its hot! I enjoy sports as well, but the men don’t last, is this beacuse they feel i don’t need them because of how i’m living? My friends say that i present myself as you better come correct.Which is truly not the case, im just confident with myslef. Why not take a chance at getting to know me instead of judging me on my appearance? what am I to do???? woman so confused

You say, “If they’re destined to be single, they wouldn’t be craving marriage.” And, “A good man is not looking for a woman that is less a good woman than he is a good man.”

I think it’s highly possible for a good woman to want to be married, to crave love and a family, and still not come across a good, honest guy who will love her. And in the meantime, you get to tell her she’s wrong for wanting to be partnered when it is against destiny AND, at the same time, for not being good enough for a good man?

Then you start attributing relationship problems to these women when they’re not even in a relationship? You make HUGE, wrong, and hurtful stereotypes here. There are good women who are single who aren’t doing anything wrong.

Don’t be so smug about being someone who got to “pick” a woman. You’re just flattering your own taste. I’m sure a little grace, humility, and understanding would make you an even better man.

Well said!!🙂 This is a great article for every single woman. I am single now and obsessed about finding a guy, but you are correct – my old options have not worked for me and it’s 100% true that first I need to observe a man for a while in his “natural habitat”, and only then show emotions. Also, a few weeks ago I wrote in my journal that I need to be the kind of a woman that a kind of a husband I want would wall in love with, and I loved seeing the same thought in your writing.
Off to work – on bettering myself – I go!!🙂
And obsession is out the door. I might print your article and post on the inside of my door so that my crazy mind doesn’t take over again…

I can’t believe that so many women have bought into this “if you are single, it is your fault”. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you are not married, most likely it is because you are, or have been attracted to men that have not reciprocated the attraction. This happens often. It does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It is simply that you haven’t connected with someone that connects with you. You know, the mystery between a man and a woman that Paul talks about. If you start to feel that you are the problem, and you have to change in order to marry, you are going to be disappointed. All of my close friends married god men, and have been married for over 30 years. Each of them has a different story as to how they met. But the one common denominator is that they met a guy, he asked her out, she liked him and he liked her. There were no lists, they were looking for a nice guy that was attracted to her, LOVED her, RESPECTED her, and wanted to marry her. It was the connection that brought them together and has kept them together.

as a straight man, i have to make my comment be known. it is more of the other way around. i consider myself an average good looking straight man that hates going out to begin with, let alone trying to meet a woman that is anything but nice today. most of the women in general, are very nasty with a attitude problem today. so how in the world can men out there meet a decent woman now, especially the way they have changed now? i myself meet the nastiest women, instead of the good ones. since there are many women out there today that are lesbians, that certainly decreases our chances to meet the good women today.

As a 55 year old femaie, I agree with you. It seems most women are miserable and or have such high expectations of men, they cannot win. On the other side, I notice the same with men. They want younger women who can beef up their ego or so it seems. I was married for 35 years and loved my husband more than life itself. But he chose to seek outside of the marriage just because I was standing my ground on his drinking. That too was his other woman so men and women need to look into their lives to see what can be seen as another outside influence within their relationship.

I have been hurt enough and life brings on so many issues and problems, I would rather be alone than to ever ever go through what I did again.
Prthaps I have the same problems of expectations

I really needed to read this blog.I am a woman that does exactly as you mentioned,I bring up my beauty,my accomplishments, my career, and my naughtiness right

away with men I am interested in.Consequently I have had my heart broken,or my self esteem bludgeoned into disgrace,and I always thought “But I am an amazing catch,”,Now I am near hopeless in the men dept.And if I was a great catch I now feel like a fishing pole that cannot catch the fish though my lure pulls them right into my territory,I ultimately cannot reel them in.I have always been in a relationship my last 2 major relationships were abusive,and I struggled to free myself of that,inspired by God,so now going on a year alone,with my children.I know I just want a partner .I appreciate this post as I have no advice from the male perspective and I just have no clue how to do things correctly.Thanks you

i have to agree, with the other man who commented on women. it is without a doubt very difficult connecting with the right woman today, for many of us men. i have noticed that many women nowadays are so very unfriendly with us men, when you try to talk to them. why is that by the way? i myself would like very much to meet a good woman for me to make me very happy again. i was married at one time, but she cheated on me. i did love her very much, and was very committed to her as well. i never mistreated her in anyway. i was a very good husband at the time, but it was not good enough for her. fifty percent of the marriages today, are ending in divorce. years ago, men and women were certainly committed to one another. that certainly explains why marriages lasted so long. just look at our parents, and grandparents. most of them sure made it work out. today it is obviously why marriages fail, women and the men do cheat a lot. many women and men can’t stay committed anymore. i am one of many men today that hates to be alone. i will go out every night, just not to be home, since i do not have no one to stay home too. if i had obviously met the right woman for me, then i would have a good reason to stay home, and just go out with each other. god made man to be with a woman, and that is how i feel about it. but it seems that many women do not need a man today. i do certainly have to agree, that many women today are the much stronger sex when it comes to being alone, and many of us men are not. now i will just go out and hope that i will be at the right place at the right time to meet a good woman for me this time around.

I’m a good man and been divorced about a year. Slowly accepting it could be a while yet. Spying on the other team😉 I’m nice looking by many accounts, talented and intelligent and sweet just the same. One can count on me to be nice, loving but I’m not some big sap. I’ve got style, but I’m mellow. I’m no alpha male, nor do i try to be anyone I’m not. What you see is what you get. I feel females still see me as only a friend basically. Makes no sense. Seems as though guys who “have game” ie exciting conversation/bnter, have the most success. I’m just a basic human being, and a good one I’ve gotta say. Sometimes i wish i happened to be big/loud/type A personality, i believe it’s in your genes to feel attracted to that. I can be fun, sexy, challenging too, you would just have to understand what I’m made of first. Plight of a nice guy, I’ll be waiting, will cherish, be committed and never cheat on the right lady when i find her. For now, just keep reminding myself it’s nothing personal when women blow me off. What women say they want is pretty much my traits? (honest, loyal, kind, intelligent) but what it seems is rewarded is guys who are not high in these traits except maybe intelligence..

i think it should be more like so many men that can’t find a good woman today. i hate going out as it is, and i seem to come across so many DYSFUNCTIONAL WOMEN that like to play so many games. so many women now, need to just GROW UP. i am in my late fifties, and i am very serious about finding a good woman for me. i wonder if they still exist, i sure hope so. hate to deal with this garbage as it is, and when i had been married at one time i thought that i had found the love of my life back then. years ago, there were much more singles dances than today. it just seems that the good men and women just can’t CONNECT with one another anymore.