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Quite literally anyone can call themselves whatever they like, and anyone can call anyone whatever they like. There is, as you have noticed, a very small group of very loud people that are calling themselves feminists while fighting equality.

So I went and I looked on tumblr, and I tried to find examples of this, and it was difficult, because I didn't start from anywhere in particular, I just skipped around until I found a rabbit hole I could follow to find this truly uncommon tendency towards anti-equality.

Case in point, there are cases of blatantly sexist, racist, transphobic, and homophobic people being terrible. And, humans being how we are, if the far edge of one side of the spectrum is terrible, the other far edge of the other side of the spectrum will be terrible.

Of course, in the case of the Tumblr post, it's almost saved by the following statement:

you damn well know which people we’re talking about so don’t change the subject and make it about yourself

Okay, not talking about my friend John, right? Because I've seen him get a black eye from stopping a man from raping a woman, he's kept people on track with pronouns when a mutual friend comes out as trans, he's stood up in unpopular circles to protest homophobic language, and he's specifically stopped and educated friends when they said something that betrays their ignorance of race issues.

He's made me a better feminist, a better civil rights advocate, and an all around better person. He's truly taught me to more self aware in my own thoughts, not just my actions and words. Long ago, I once valued men's opinions over women's, and that was shitty of me.

But John saw that I wasn't willfully misogynistic, just unaware of and mired in the subconscious systemic misogyny in society. He showed me why I was wrong, why I shouldn't trust anyone's opinion more than someone elses, unless they had a distinct perspective.

When it comes to misogyny, a man can try to understand it, and try to explain, but a woman will know more about what's going on, and what the subtle pains are that the system inflicts. Minorities have experienced racism, and the bitter pains associated. Cis people can learn, they can ask, but they can never know how it truly feels to have people mock who you are, and refuse to call you the right pronoun. Straight people can never know what the pain is like to hear someone shout "F****T" at them for kissing their spouse.

But straight white cis men can learn, help, and try to be better about fighting against the disadvantages foisted on people who aren't them.

Most straight, white, cis men aren't fully aware of the disadvantages thrust upon non-heterosexuals, racial minorities, non-cis people, and women. It's just not in their head as to what society is really like for everyone else.

They don't know what's going on, and while they are benefitting from it, they just have no idea. And so when people come shouting at them for being terrible, horrible, racist scum? That doesn't make loving allies, it makes bitter detractors. So, please, for the sake of feminism, for the sake of not alienating potential allies, before you make a statement like "Cis people are scum", reverse the statement, make sure you wouldn't jump to a conclusion too.

Because I know I'd get upset and start yelling if someone said "Trans people are scum." Something like that would bother me severely, because 4 of my friends are transgender.

So, if someone like me can slowly change from a

racist

homophobic

transphobic

misogynistic

cisgender

straight

white

man

to a

cisgender

straight

white

male

feminist

then anyone can learn.

When I say that anyone can be terrible, I've met transphobic women, homophobic black men, misogynistic transwomen, and racist lesbians. Everyone has the power to be a terrible person, it's just whether we choose to embrace it to hurt others.

Obviously, many of these were probably stated by some of the same colleagues, and probably had some tone or context that implied a chauvinist perspective, but a couple of them just seemed like they might not have involved her gender at all.

“How did you learn to do all this?!” The ancient Spider-Goddess Llorothaag came to me in a harrowing blood-soaked vision. In exchange for perpetual servitude as her handmaiden, she imparted knowledge of IP subnetting.

It seems like they were apparently talking subnetting, and to be honest, the entire concept seems to fly over the heads of a lot of people, including network engineers, who really should know what they're doing. The fact that anyone knows how to do subnetting correctly at all would probably draw this comment from me. A lot of other subjects, and I'd completely agree with her, but subnetting is apparently REALLY hard for most people, so someone learning how to do subnetting right would be astonishing to me.

You know about making coffee, right?

Uh, so he's not assuming you have skills stereotypically associated with your gender? Am I reading this one wrong somehow, or is the person actually avoiding gender based assumptions?
Seriously, I'm confused, this doesn't seem bad to me.

Haha, that guy thought you were the receptionist!

So the colleague was laughing at someone for making a gender-based assumption? Like, "that's absurd, she's a techie like us. She belongs in the logic and bits like any other dev, not answering phones because she's a girl"
I mean, if you don't want to hear about other people making the assumptions, cool, but it doesn't seem like the person saying this was actually thinking or implying anything himself.

Seriously, I have called people out for some shit, and not nicely like Larry David does. My standard, if I can make it work, usually involves telling them that I would probably crack a smile and a beer should I ever hear they get what they deserve. Lately I've been finding dirt bags and manipulating them into fighting with each other over ironically chosen reasons. Make fun of a someone's insecurities? Now there's someone fighting with you and calling you out on it as well as s showcasing your insecurities for all the world. You didn't "technically" cheat on your husband, because he didn't find out? Now he knows you cheated Cheat on your girlfriend? Now there's a guy accusing you of cheating with his girlfriend, and she found out you cheated on her.

People don't get what they deserve, because Karma doesn't exist. So i make sure they do.

Edit: let me be clear, I don't make shit up. I just don't sit back and let these fucking douchebags get away with screwing with people. I'm tired of the god damned bystander effect. You cheat on your girlfriend with your best friend's girlfriend? Everyone finds out. None of this "not my business" shit.

Well, they probably have statistics on how often this occurs, and if you exceed that threshold by too much, they'll kick you out. Sort of a "you should run into this every 5 months, but you rib into it every 2 months. You're fishy."