(Closed) Maid of honor; my sister mad at me for not loaning her money; help

Ok a long story as short as i can make it. When i got engaged almost a year ago my first instict was to make my best friend debra who ive been really close to for 20 years, to make her my moh. When i told my sister i was getting married she insisted on being the moh and sort of pressured me into making her it. My best friend was hurt but was still supportive. My sister all this time doesn’t even want to hear about the wedding and of course she doesnt even want to help. Both my sister and my best friend live states away. My friend debra is going to be here a month before the wedding to help out. My sister the moh will be here the day before the wedding and leave the day after.

My sister is really bad with money/to the point where i had to buy her dress and accessories for her (i didnt mind). Last year she was about to loose her house so i loaned her 8,000.00. Later to find out she bought new furniture with it!! For the hole year she didnt pay me anything. I dont understand how she can be so bad with money, she doesnt have any kids and i have two kids and I get by better then her. We came into some inheritence money and she wasnt even going to pay me anything out of it. I told her that yes i was mad she didnt want to pay me any of the money back ;so a week later she sent me a check for 1,000.00. the day after i recieved that check she called me up crying that she lost one of her jobs. (this girl mind you wont give up things like netflix and cable tv. or any luxury). I could tell she was reaching out for more money. I told her geez jess im sorry to hear that you lost your job. Her reply was “your not telling me what i want to hear right now, im going to let you go!” she hung upp. she wont take any of my calls and she told my aunt that she is so tiered of hearing about my “stupid” wedding and she even went as far as calling me selfish and saying that i never do anything for her, and that she didnt even want to be my moh.

I guess my question is… what should i do? I dont have anyone helping me. My bridesmaid and best friend debra is coming soon and Im wishing now that i had followed my first instict and had her be my moh. Am i being a selfish bride for wanting to discuss things that im doing with the wedding to my wedding party? Im so fustrated. My friend debra said that i could always change my mind and make her the moh and my sister a bridesmaid. As much as i want to i dont want hurt feelings and my sister is one to hold onto hurt feelings for years to come. 49 days until the wedding. ugggg…. im so tiered of doing this planning alone. what do you think?

I really think it would be a bad idea to “demote” your sister to BM from MOH at this point. She is already giving you grief and doing that will cause more. Yes, Debra is basically acting as the MOH, but I’m sure she understands the situation with your sister and why things are like they are.

You are not being selfish about wanting to talk about the wedding to your bridal party – all brides get excited and want to talk about it! With your sister losing her job and having all these money issues, she is just becoming increasingly aware that you are successful and have a wonderful family and she is probably just getting jealous about it all. And while it sucks for you because you get the brunt of her anger, there is not much else to do.

Try to focus on your wedding and spending the time with your other friends when they arrive to help you. I would try to get a hold of your sister to make sure she is somewhat ok with everything (although she may still be mad or upset) and just assure her you are there for her. However, with that said, don’t send her any more money. You have your own life and family and wedding to pay for and she should not be relying on you for financial support. She is old enough to make her own decisions and if that means she needs to give a few luxuries up, then hopefully she will realize that sooner than later!

Given the way you’ve described your sister (she seems a little unreasonable!), I probably wouldn’t want to cause a bigger rift by asking her to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH. Like you said, she might hold a grudge and who knows how it’ll affect your wedding. I’m sure your friend Debra would be willing to do anything to help you though, and would be gracious enough to do it all while still just being a bridesmaid and not the MOH. With that said, I’d reach out to Debra for help and not ask your sister for anything since she has her own issues and doesn’t seem interested in helping with the wedding. I wouldn’t loan her any more money if I were you since she hasn’t been responsible with the money you previously loaned her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! My wedding is a few days after yours so I know how stressful it can be. Good luck!

I think there’s different questions you have to answer: What do you want from a MoH, what do you think they do, and does it matter alot to you?

My personal feelings are that if I had a sister, she’d be my MoH even if we didn’t get along because of the whole adage “family first”. But I wouldn’t be upset if she didn’t do anything and we didn’t get along because that’s not what I envision when I hear MoH. I just see, person at top of altar (if they’re standing) or last person down the aisle.

If MoH means more to you than that – you want it to be the person who supports your marriage or you the most.. maybe it’s worth it to demote your sister. If you really want to honor your friend (who sounds so supportive and a blessing) in front of everyone and that matters alot to you – maybe promoting her.

So if you feel like me I’d say – just leave her, don’t expect alot out of her, ignore her – family sucks sometimes. But if you feel that MoH means something to you, then it may require more thought and consideration.

You sisters is a user and a master manipulator. I know the type all to well. Full of drama, takes no responsibility for her actions causing the messes that she continually gets herself in, then wants some one to come in rescue her. Don’t send her another dime, I’m glad you pointed out that she;s not cutting back where she can. She won’t be destitute but she will complain to anyone who will listen. Her type needs to Grow Up.

Having said that, I wouldn’t demote her cause that will cause a larger rift. you could highlight your best friend with toast during the reception. I’m sure your BM will hear you out because you sister is such a piece of work