YOUTH JUSTICE

The healing journey towards forgiveness

Janet Smidt

A central principle of restorative justice is
rebuilding lives and relationships rather than just punishing and
rejecting offenders. Janet Schmidt, trainer and co-ordinator of a
conflict resolution programme in Canada, writes of the task of mediation
between offenders and victims. It is a careful and time-consuming
process. What do we learn for practice?

Forgiveness is defined by many as one piece of a
longer healing journey. It represents that time when an event no longer
has control over the lives of both victims and offenders. Nonetheless,
forgiveness is rarely, if ever, a one-time event and may take years to
complete. Both victims and offenders cycle through and revisit
forgiveness in various ways at different times of their lives. Indeed,
the experience of forgiveness is itself a journey which is dynamic and
always changing. Although the larger healing journey is unique to each
individual, several general stages can be identified for both victims
and offenders. But the journey of forgiveness need not be a linear
process. People not only move through the process repeatedly, they often
move back and forth between the stages. Sometimes two or more stages can
happen almost simultaneously.

The victim's journeyDenial
The first stage in the healing journey for victims is often denial.
Certainly, the level of violation will influence how this denial is
expressed. Victims may say, "This is not really happening," or "I must
have done something to cause this." Mediators don't often see
participants at this stage as cases are usually brought to their
attention only after victims have begun acknowledging their experience.
Where victims are still in this stage, the effectiveness of a third
party intervention is limited. Victims will minimise an apology and will
be unable to articulate their need for a complete release from the
experience. Even more disconcerting is the impact on offenders, who may
conclude that the offence is unimportant, therefore increasing the
likelihood that it will be repeated. The following four stages are based
on Lewis B. Smedes' book, Forgive and Forget.

Hurting
The victim may next experience the stage called hurting. The victim has
acknowledged a violation has occurred, feels emotional pain, and is
primarily interested in finding release from pain. This is a significant
motivating factor for participation in a mediation. For instance, a
victim may readily agree to a meeting, hoping it will take the pain
away. If the offender apologises, the victim may quickly grant
forgiveness, hoping this will stop the pain. Even at this stage victims
are often unable to articulate what they will need from offenders in
order to continue their healing journey.

Anger
The victim's next stage is anger, directed at the offender and the
offence. The harm inflicted upon a victim is acknowledged in this anger.
Here victims are less likely to participate in meetings as they are
angry about the injustice and may feel the offender should be punished
"to the full extent of the law". If the victim does agree to
participate, their motivation can include a need for revenge. It is not
unusual at this point for the victim to vilify the offender, defining
them only by the action that caused the pain. If the victim granted
forgiveness before reaching this stage, it may well be retracted now.
Final agreements at this stage are frequently unsatisfying for all
parties involved.

Mediators who see victims at this stage must work
with these additional dynamics, being patient and gentle with the
victim. Often it is helpful for victims if the intervention is not a
one-time event. A second session, scheduled after a given period, can
allow victims to consider the new information received during the
mediation, thus freeing them to move on. Mediators must also learn to
recognise the difference between anger at the offence, and the type of
anger expressed in the anger stage. The latter anger is unfocused,
delighting in the suffering of the offender. Anger at the offence
expresses itself in different ways and is often a necessary ingredient
to motivate positive action, protect against further victimisation, call
for accountability and even protect others. Anger at the offence should
he encouraged by third party interveners throughout the healing journey.

Understanding
Once through the anger stage, the victim can move towards understanding.
It is here that victims can experience healing, in that the violation no
longer controls them. Here, too, victims often ask for three things.

First, they want to know why the event happened.
They ask the offender questions to understand, not only the event,
but also the circumstances that made it possible.

Second, they want some form of compensation,
perhaps a sincere apology, counselling or financial remuneration.

Third, victims often want assurance that the
event will not be repeated, which is important for their peace of
mind. The understanding stage is an ideal time for victims to enter
into a third party process.

Victims are often able to articulate what they need
in a constructive manner and are better able to hold the offender
accountable. It is at this stage that victims may grant an offender's
request for forgiveness.

Reconciliation
At the understanding stage there is also potential for the victim to
move on to reconciliation. Reconciliation occurs when the relationship
between the victim and the offender experiences transformation,
evidenced by new understandings and greater intimacy. Healing, however,
does not depend on whether the parties choose to reestablish a
relationship. If they are able to pursue reconciliation, there will be a
further healing effect for both of them. But reconciliation is not
always possible or necessary and in some situations is unwise. Victims
need patience and support throughout this process. In the earlier
stages, mediators can anticipate questions victims will have later on,
and can gently encourage offenders to answer the questions many victims
have during the understanding stage. Mediators also need to be
comfortable with the victim's anger and see it as an essential part of
the healing process.

The offender's journey
Following a conflict or violation, offenders also need to find some way
of putting the incident in the past. While victims seek healing from the
"offence", offenders often wish to change old patterns of behaviour. For
many, their offence continues to control them, whether through guilt,
self-hatred, emotional turmoil or a predisposition to re-offend. Only as
they move through a healing process can the event lose this power.

Denial
Like victims, offenders first experience denial. At this point they make
excuses for their behaviour and acknowledge very little, if any, of
their wrongdoing. When the offender is in denial, a face-to-face
encounter is rarely safe for the victim. Only when the offender begins
to take responsibility should a meeting be arranged. Unfortunately, this
may take years or it may never happen.

Remorse
The offenders' second stage is remorse. Offenders have some feeling of
wrongdoing but qualify their actions with excuses, including "Yes, but
..." comments. They may be able to acknowledge their deeds and even
apologise for them, yet focus on the circumstances that "led" them to
behave in this way. They have difficulty taking responsibility and often
look for a "quick fix" which will allow them to "forget" the incident.
Many offenders enter into mediation at the remorse stage. A mediator has
a number of responsibilities when an offender is at this stage. Victims
will interpret offenders' behaviour justifications as attempts to avoid
taking responsibility. If victims accept a quickly given apology without
sharing their pain, offenders will not complete their healing journey
and are more likely to re-offend. For the sake of both, mediators must
encourage victims to speak about the emotional, spiritual and physical
impact of their experience, and assist offenders in hearing the victims'
stories.

Repentance
The third stage is repentance. It is here that offenders confront the
consequences of their behaviour and take full responsibility for their
offence without making excuses. Offenders experience significant
personal pain, realising the pain they have inflicted on the victim.
Offenders not only offer restitution to victims, they also seek help to
change their behaviour. True repentance is displayed when offenders take
steps to ensure this happens. Mediators should encourage offenders to
enter this stage. It is unlikely that offenders entering mediation at
the previous remorse stage will experience the profound, life-altering
experience which the repentance stage can bring. Offenders can, however
be brought to the threshold of repentance and encouraged to explore it.
It is very difficult to journey through repentance and mediators must
feel comfortable entering the realm of strong emotions.

Forgiveness
During the fourth stage the offender authentically asks for forgiveness
and is able to apologise with no strings attached. Offenders recognise
their wrongdoing and wish to express this regret to the victim.

Conclusion
Understanding victims' and offenders' journeys of healing is crucial for
mediators. In many situations, however, the journeys are somewhat
blurred as participants play the roles of both victims and offenders.
This is particularly true in cases involving longstanding relationships.
The challenge is to be as helpful as possible for all participants in
their own healing process and not inadvertently bring more hurt.
Regrettably some mediators give the impression that mediation is the end
of the healing process. Experienced mediators know that other
experiences may reactivate the hurt and the victim may need to recycle
through some of the healing stages. In cases of significant
victimisation it is important for the mediator to contact the victim to
see how they are doing and assure them that mediation does not
necessarily mark the end of the healing journey. Also, if mediators make
it too easy for offenders to move from remorse to forgiveness, they
deprive offenders of the true healing and forgiveness they need and
often long for. Forgiveness is not a one time event, and may even take
years, especially following deeply wounding or repeated offences.
Forgiveness is something offenders request and their victims grant.
Mediators must understand that this is only possible after victims and
offenders have taken a healing journey so that the difficult events no
longer control their lives and both victim and offender are enriched by
their new understandings.