Seeking to answer the question "How could they throw that away?" by posing the equally problematic question "Why in the hell did I just buy that?"

Sunday, May 04, 2008

JUNKNTOWN JALOPIES

So, how do you roll? To the thrift store that is? My feeling is that you could rock any car, bus, bike or wheel barrel as long as it's got room in the trunk for some precious junk. But I have been rather amazed at the variety of goodwill gas guzzlers sitting in the parking lot.

My own car? Just you're basic reliable Japanese econo-box. But from time to time it does send me demonic messages warning about the dangers of my thrifty addictions. Like this note to stay out St. Vincent DePaul's. Did I listen? Hells no.

Most thrift store people are, if not mildly friendly, rather respectfully pleasant. However there are a few that have very strong feelings about subjects, such as sports, that they feel especially compelled to share with other drivers. I wonder if he (she?) is the thrift shopper or is he just dropping off his grand-ma-ma.

I'm trying to think if there's any subject I feel so strongly about that I'd emblazon my car with an f-bomb. Maybe "I Saw that 1950s Lamp First F--k Face!" Na. Way too venomous.

Speaking of venom. I know some thrift stores are kind of like the inside of a dark and dirty garage, but sheesh. Actually, the exterminator who drove this spider sedan had just emerged from a Goodwill... so be careful reaching into that box of ancient Xmas ornaments. :<Does somebody want to to tell Pedro that's not a guitar? His music teacher must have been a huge liar head. That or he's into Dadaism. "Ceci n'est pas une saxophone"

Okay, pop quiz. Can you spot the perfect thrift store vehicle in the picture? Answer: any car with a trunk and enough gas to haul your haul back home is just right.

But the one in the middle is tre bad ass, no?

And then there's the car you're driving just to be seen... at the thrift store. Totally not my style - I like to blend in, not stick, sift through the piles of junk in relative blissful anonymity. This dude obviously doesn't have those hang ups.

I don't think I could drive a car this nice and strange to the thrift store. I'd be too worried about who was messing with it while I was flipping for through the stacks of LPs looking for a Depeche Mode 10 inch -- or whatever cool kids who drive cars like this look for at thrift stores.

Now this is a classic thrift store 'mobile. A Caddy crammed with crap. And a little nest carved out in the front so at least they can turn the steering wheel. Now, I say this with all do respect: but for the grace of the old man in the sky go I. Hell, on a really good day my car is nearly this bad.

Volkswagen van at the thrift store: classic or Cliché? I will say we all probably owe a debt of gratitude to the hippies who once drove this VW for making clothes shopping at thrift stores so darn hilarious. Thanks you hippies.

Now, one can only imagine what wonders, what priceless joys were shoved into garbage bags and roughly thrown into the back of each of these workhorses. Any thrift store with a FLEET this nice must be rolling in the dough. I'm pretty sure I could never work at a thrift store -- as a stocker, cashier or truck driver. I'd spend all the time in treasure hunt mode.

Okay, this is a tiny cheat. But I was leaving a thrift store... and a Jack in the Box. But I just liked the scene of a totaled Italian sports car on the back of a flatbed. HAHAHAHAHA!

Was that mean? I like to think the guy that drives this car buys all his clothes new, if you know what I mean.

While I've never been in a fender bender in a thrift store lot (fingers crossed, no cooties, cootie protection, no touch-backs) I have been humble enough to heft my sacks of schwag down the street to the nearest...

Well it's better than hoofing it, no?

Here's hoping your shopping carts are full, that your favorite shady space if empty, and that your gas is less than $4 a gallon. Oh, and resist the urge to check out that cool 1960s bowling trophy you just bought until you get home -- don't thrift and drive.

How pathetic am I...I just spent an hour perusing your old posts...and occasionally laughing my head off. I was recently let in on your gem of a blog and now it is a must read. Looking forward to your next foray into the world of Junqueworld!