Monday, February 1, 2016

Tapping Out

Well, I made it seven days on the island of potato. Yesterday afternoon I just had kind of a meltdown. I could not stomach the thought of another potato filled meal. I just wanted to cry. To be brutally honest, I felt a slight urge to binge, and I haven't felt those urges in years. This potato only diet was taking me to dark places. When I was a little kid my mom was a single mom, and we weren't rich. We were vegetarian, so she would buy eggs and one vegetable for the week, and bless her heart she would try to make different things with the eggs and veg, but still. Ans as an adult I've had no food, some food, and everything in between. I've had to make a bag of lentils, and onion and a carrot be all three meals for a week. In addition I spent many years battling anorexia and bulimia, so the feelings of deprivation were triggering dark feelings and memories. I told myself that I would sleep on it, and see how I felt this morning. When I woke up I still really wanted lentil soup, so that's what I had for breakfast. I feel like seven days of eating potatoes as my main calorie source is nothing to be ashamed of. The cleanse was something I wanted to try mainly because i wanted to feel better, and up until yesterday I did feel better, but at the same time i don't ever want to feel guilty about eating lentil soup! I also started getting that dangerous feeling of obsession with weight loss. I was watching High Carb Hannah's video yesterday, and she mentioned that she had lost three pounds, and so I started wondering if I've lost weight, and even thinking I should do the potato cleanse longer than thirty days! I think when you've dealt with any type of eating disorder or serious body image issues, you have to be really careful with anything detox/cleanse related. You just have to make sure you're not taking it a bit too seriously.
I'm glad I took on the challenge. You have to experience things in order to learn what works for you and what doesn't. I think for me any type of cleanse or detox is best three days or under. I'm also trying to actively work on losing my beer flab, while not getting obsessed with my body, or being lean. I've never in my life had a normal relationship with my body, so I am learning as I go.
Here's what will probably be the last picture of oven fries you see in awhile, it was my dinner last night.

One thing I can say about the potato cleanse, I can cook some potatoes! My oven fries have never in my life been better! And, I learned if you steam your potatoes before mashing instead of boiling them, they come out so much fluffier!
And here is a picture of the best tasting soup EVER!! And it had no potatoes in it!

I was scared at first to admit that I couldn't hang in for just three more days! There are tons of people doing this for thirty days! But, not everything is for everyone. Anyway, I feel great, and I feel good about my decision. Here's to a week full of VARIETY!
Happy Monday!

You did such a great job!! Seven days is really great and a huge accomplishment but I definitely agree with you that anything really cleanse related can be a trigger. I know I get really obsessive when I'm on a cleanse. I'm glad that you are listening to your body and doing what's best for you!

Thanks! I am proud of the seven days. It was a hard decision, and i felt a lot of shame admitting that I couldn't continue. Especially because it really sounds so easy, and Hannah and many others are doing so well. But I really was starting to have some disordered thoughts that I haven't had in a very long time. I'm really glad I listened to my body too!

I am glad you listened to your body. I don't think I could ever so any cleanse like that, mostly because I like eating tons of different foods! I think the closest I could get are the three day smoothie cleanses because you get savory "soups"

Well done on the seven days and well done on recognising those feelings. I am sure there are other people doing the cleanse too who are having them but not admitting to them. After eating just potatoes I reckon you will enjoy other foods so much more this week.

Dylan Boo Boo

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I have cared about animals and their well being for as long as I can remember. I feel like it's just part of my very being. I have a hard time dealing with people who say they just don't like animals. I started my blog as a way of reaching out when I was living in a very small town feeling very isolated and alone. I also started writing because I want to help spread the vegan message, and also I might be able to help someone who is going through the same struggles I've gone through.