one queen, two princesses, & their jesters

We’ve been parents for- (does some quick math… okay some kinda slow math… carry the one… um…)- oh, hell, I don’t know. Maggie is 5 and she was born in the spring and we switch the clock back and forth twice a year, so probably 9 or 10 time changes. Whatever.

The point is, we haven’t really had much to deal with each time as far as sleep issues or anything. I remember when Maggie was a baby/toddler, we kind of ‘lucked out’ (if you want to call it that) because she just always happened to be sick those weekends, so her sleep was all whacked out anyway, so we could have turned the clocks 4 hours forward or backward and none of us would have noticed. And then, by the time she was two, she turned into this Magical Awesome Sleeper and never put up a fuss about going to bed. Like, EVER. (Except for that one time when she snuck downstairs without us realizing and watched about 75% of Little Fockers while she hid around the corner under my desk chair. It was… kind of hilarious, actually. But we worried she may have heard the word ‘shit’ a few too many times. heh)

Same goes for Audrey. She’s an amazing sleeper, you guys. I try not to talk too much about it on Twitter because I don’t want anyone to start throwing things at me. I don’t know how we got so lucky with her, but just about every night between 7 and 7:30, she starts fussing and yanking on the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. We fill a bottle of milk, she carries it upstairs, we brush her teeth, put on her jammies, she drinks her bottle and… she goes to sleep. Like it’s nuthin’. Sometimes she squirms off of my lap and walks over to her crib and tries to CLIMB INTO IT. Crazy.

(Just an FYI- she still wakes up usually once or twice for a pacifier retrieval. But it’s so quick and she lays right back down and a lot of times I can’t even REMEMBER if I had to go in at night. So I count my blessings, for sure.)

(Also, I feel I’ve earned the right to a dream sleeper after the first 5 months or so of Audrey’s life. FIVE VERY SCREAMY, VERY REFLUX-Y MONTHS.)

Anyway. So you’re seeing where all of this is going, right?

LAST NIGHT WAS INSANE, YOU GUYS.

The girls spent the afternoon at my parents’ house while we went to the Penguin game (THANKS MOM AND DAD!!!). It was a beautiful day- SIXTY DEGREES!- so they spent a while playing outside. Then when we came home after dinner, the neighbors were outside and it was still pretty warm so Maggie and Audrey played outside again. It basically consisted of Maggie and the neighbor girls playing hide-and-seek and freeze tag and Audrey tried her hardest to keep up with them.

I went for a run while they played, and the third or fourth time I ran past our house, Audrey suddenly got VERY VERY PISSED that I was running without her. So she started chasing me and Dan grabbed her before she ran into the street. I was finishing up my run so I came back to the yard and she was inconsolable and we realized it was going on 8pm. Her normal bedtime, for sure- but it was Time Change Day so we didn’t think she’d be ready. But… well, one look at her face and you could tell she was DONE.

Except she wasn’t. For the next hour, she wailed and screamed and yelled and kicked and THREW HER BOTTLE AT ME and spun around her room like a whirling dervish. We took turns with her, trying to rock her, give her the bottle again (NOPE.), letting her run around her room a bit. Which she did- SCREAMING. At one point, she opened her bottom drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans and tried to convince Dan to put them on her. Like it was time to go somewhere? Or something?

Mostly we just went with everything she was trying in order to distract us- like we’d FORGET it was BEDTIME, or something. We just watched her, knowing that the combination of exhaustion and the time change had her in overdrive and you guys, it was honestly kind of HILARIOUS watching her. I mean, it was IMPRESSIVE. She’s shown us her tantrum abilities recently but this… this was Next Level Stuff. And she NEVER, EVER does this kind of thing at bedtime. We rarely have to go back into the room once we lay her in the crib. (PLEASE DON’T THROW THINGS AT ME!!! I KNOW!!!!)

Eventually it was my turn again, and this time she kept pointing to her closet. So I pulled down a blanket to see if that’s what she wanted. She threw it on the floor. Another blanket? NOPE. Finally I handed her a bath towel and she QUIETED DOWN IMMEDIATELY. Then she marched to the door and tried to pry it open with her fingers (adorably pathetic!) and I asked her ‘Do you want to get a bath?’ ‘BAT!’ she said.

So into the tub we went. She splashed and played and I washed her hair (it wasn’t her normal bath night, but whatever kid! We’ll get a bath!) and we finished up with our normal after bath routine. I sat in the rocker with her, gave her the bottle, and she drank it down.

Her eyes were drifting closed, she was getting drowsy. I put her in her crib and… she went to sleep.

Nutso.

Just to add to the fun of last night, one of our smoke alarms started chirping in the middle of all of this. And OF COURSE we had no 9-volt batteries left. So while I settled Audrey in after her bath, Dan had to run out and get some. HE BOUGHT EIGHT, JUST IN CASE. It wasn’t quite as dramatic or impressive as the time he replaced the battery in the chirping smoke alarm inside Maggie’s room at 3am while she was sleeping and she didn’t wake up AT ALL, but still. It added to the mayhem.

I always think that once your kid has slept thru the night for awhile, those rare nights that are insane are ten times harder. Your body has adjusted back to consecutive hours of sleep and then it has a WTF moment when that’s disrupted unexpectedly and you don’t know what to do.

Also, I hate those freaking smoke detectors. That CHIRP could be considered a form of torture. Esp when you can’t exactly figure out where it’s coming from.

Totally! It’s hard in the newborn phase of course, but you expect it and your body adjusts to it. Then they tease you with good sleep for a while… then BAM! It all goes to crap. And it physically HURTS. Thankfully Audrey has only had a few nights like that since 6/7months old. We are seriously seriously blessed. *fingers crossed* *knocks on wood*

I used to love DST, at least in the fall when it ended and we got that extra hour. With kids, I abhor it.

Peanut was all confused about bedtime for her sister because it was still light out. We’ve had to pull them both out of bed each morning this week. Gizmo, no problem. She is an amazing morning baby. Peanut? Holy hell it is a battle.

Dude – daylight savings time can go ahead and BITE ME. Although, I will admit I like that it stays light longer, since I don’t get home from work until late – it gives me a chance to spend time outside before dark. But still? Bite me.

You’re lucky my second baby has turned out to be a Magical Awesome Sleeper, because after 2 1/2 years of a non-sleeping child I would have thrown things for sure. And you are FAR AWAY. But I would have made it happen.