Tag: pumping

Yesterday was my first day not lugging my black pump bag to work. It was liberating, that’s quite sure! … But also a bit strange to not see my calendar blocked out four times a day; not to pack up all my laptop, etc, and bring it into the mother’s room; not to schedule meetings around said blocked-off time slots … and it was also more emotional than I expected it to be.

I immediately walked into the office and went to drop my bag off in the mama’s room, which I’ve done every day since coming back to work March 14.

But there was no need … so I turned on my heel and strode the other way to my cufice.

Today, while discussing weaning with a friend who is pregnant with her second baby, I got to thinking about these same notions with respect to nursing and pumping and thought I’d share them here on the blog — if for nothing else than to memorialize how I’m feeling at this very moment.

Because in the next few weeks, if not days, my pumping and nursing days will be done. I’m down to just five pumps a day plus one nursing session at night and at this point, I don’t think that I will be dealing with any engorgement issues that so many nursing moms deal with (as my supply is so low to begin with) when I do stop.

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I can’t believe how bad I’ve been about 1) blogging and 2) holding to my own “commitments.”

Despite my best efforts, I discovered that AM workouts are not going to happen at this juncture in my life … and that I need to accept it and make the most of my evening workouts.

Why? Well … I gave it a trial run, the old college try. I slept in my gym clothes (things I used to do to make getting to the gym in the AM easier), laid out my sneakers and set my alarm for 5 AM. Should have been a piece of cake, right?

For as much as I’m the eternal optimist, I also tend to be a worry-wart : hoping for the best, but freaking out about the (potential for the) worst. I blame my dad for this personality trait.

“It might snow on Thursday — we should cancel the weekend plans!”, he’d say if the weathermen (who were usually wrong) predicted a storm. In truth, it’s just that he is concerned about all things weather and safety related, and he’s passed down his neuroses to me, his first-born daughter.

For as impulsive as I can be when it comes to shopping and food, as a Libra, I tend to hem and haw before making a decision, seeing both sides to every story and often struggling the find the “right” answer.

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If my breasts were a business, any financial analyst would have recommended I close shop a long time ago. My ROI (return on investment) sucks.

You see, I pump all day long … including four sessions at work … and make 10-12 oz. of milk for Maya. Basically, two bottles of the five she drinks in a day.

And it’s exhausting.

While our little munchkin has been sleeping through the night since she was eleven weeks old, I am still waking up to pump most mornings around 2 or 3 AM. I’d love to just skip that pump, but it’s an issue of supply and demand: my supply sucks as it is, and I don’t want to make it any worse by not pumping.

On top of that nightly annoyance, I’m sick of lugging my Medela Pump in Style Advanced bag and gear to work with me every day and I’m sick of leaving my desk four times a day to pump at the office and I’m sick of being tethered to tubes while we watch TV or I blog at night.

But yet I keep on keeping on.

Because while one little angel on my shoulder whispers, “Breast is best” and encourages me that any little bit I can give her is better than none and reminds me of all the health benefits of it … the other little angel on my shoulder says, “You’ve given it your all. Maya has gotten a great start. Be kind to yourself; it’s OK to stop.” (Notice they are BOTH angels; there is no “right” and “wrong” here, only what’s “right” for me — and what is right for me seems to change day to day). Continue reading “Breastfeeding ROI”→