Anyway. The word does throw you off a bit. It’s a contradiction even a type of an oxymoron.

Bland + Eloquence.

“Bland” … without strong features.

“Iloquence” , from which you get eloquence, which means “persuasive … powerful discourse.”

So maybe it suggests a person without strong features, but with some persuasiveness?

For example. Chichikov, a character in one of Gogol’s books, is a lower-echelon civil servant with a corrupt past who specializes in what Gogol calls “blandiloquence” or elaborately empty compliments in the pursuit of persuading others to do things..

And that example leads me to why I decided to write about this <beyond the fact I learned a new word>.

There are not many things I dislike more than empty words. These are words that are ingratiating empty of any feeling or deep truth <or even simply a thought>. They are so light and empty of anything that they just seem to float along the top of meaningless drivel.

These words are NOT ‘less is more’ but simply words that are empty, vacuous, devoid of any meaingfulness. Use one, use many, nothing from nothing is still nothing. It does not matter when one is blandiloquent because.it still, aggravatingly, equals nothing.

Ok. The one thing I dislike more than empty words?

The empty person who uses them. The blandiloquent few.

Maybe I should just call them the bland people using eloquently empty words. The blandiloquent are vacuous shells, masquerading as people, who victimize us with words vacant of any thought.

You can recognize these people.

First. They are bland.

Without strong features.

Colorless with no depth.

Physically they swim hither and yon wherever the tide may take them. You have no idea what they stand for or what they believe in, they have never had an original thought in their life, and they seemingly have gobs of friends but no real friends.

Second. They are eloquent.

Persuasive in that they can weave a narrative/story with pretty vacuous words.

They know the words but don’t know the value of the words. In their eloquent flattery they find solace in a belief it is self-effacing while others see it as it is — a cheap blanket of words to warm the hearts of all they perceive as powerful, pandering to the powerful weak & pissing off the true with power.

Advertising great David Ogilvy once said this:

“Our business is infested with idiots who try to impress by using pretentious jargon.”

These idiots … the blandiloquent … stalk the hallways of every business, not just the advertising business <sorry Mr. Ogilvy, it has spread far far beyond your own domain>. The blandiloquent spend everyday spreading their cheap honey to anyone who deigns to stop and accept it.

Shame on anyone who accepts this cheap gift.

And shame on those who waste words as if they were a dime a dozen.

And, worst of all, shame on anyone who empties words to a point where they become hollow when used.

Words should have weight … gravitas … color … depth.

People who understand this embrace the burden of words.

Blandiloquence.

A beautifully horrible word. And a word we should all take note of.

To conclude.

We should take note of the fact this important word is teetering on the brink of extinction and, yet, it is quite possible it is needed more than ever in today’s world. Why? Because in its eloquence it can be used to prick the balloon of vacuous speech with its harsh uncompromising truth.

It seems like in today’s politically correct world a word like blandiloquence is too harsh a truth to recognize let alone speak out loud.

Well. We all know at least one person who is always trying too hard. Or maybe they always seem to be overcompensating for something. Or even that they know they are ‘not as good as’ and spend far too much time trying to convince everyone they are at least better than maybe we know they are at something.

We like these people because we like the overall sense that someone is dissatisfied with the present person and seeking a better person.

We don’t like these people because we don’t like the overall sense of desperation and the trappings that often come with it.

We look at these people and … well … we think about ourselves and the crazy shit we do.

Let’s face it. Life makes us do a lot of crazy shit.

Okay. It doesn’t actually “make” us. It just full-throatedly encourages us to do some crazy shit.

It does so because it makes us desire a shitload of things that can chip away at the better version of ourselves. And by better version I don’t mean external stuff but internal stuff … soul, integrity & character. But life has a nasty habit of encouraging us to think more about external stuff than internal stuff.

The size of your bank account.

How you look and what you wear and whether you sport Gap or Brooks Brothers.

The size of your house and whether you have gold drapes or Pier1 window hangings.

This kind of crap can screw you up let alone destroy you. You can get so caught up in what Life is whispering in your ear as what is important over time that is all you can hear and see.

Life becomes almost a parody of itself.

‘Less is more’ becomes the mantra of everything but to you, personally, where ‘more’ just seems to look less & less. Life can twist you into a pretzel trying to match up with all the external trappings of what it suggests you should desire. And as you get twisted all it really does is squeeze out character & integrity & principles drop by drop as Life twists harder and harder.

And as you get this squeezed out of you, well, you will naturally get thirsty. Therein lies the big Life choice … what do you drink?

What do I mean?

Remember that kid you knew growing up who was always the bully, always the exaggerator, always the one trying so hard to show everyone how great they were? Well. At some point they realize that they are thirsty. Either thirsty for more or thirsty for what is getting squeezed out of them.

Now. That said. Don’t think Life is standing by silently. All the while Life will whisper sweet nothings in that kid’s ear telling them what to drink to stay on their path to a ‘better person’ <and it is most likely the sweetest, least healthy alternative>.

Look. At some point we all get thirsty, even that young bully, and your Life gets energized by what you choose to drink <and I could suggest you get addicted to what you drink at a fairly early age>.

That said.

What I do know is that almost all of us end up being constantly nudged to believe we neither have enough nor are we enough.

And it is within those ‘not enough’ spaces, the voids if you wish to call them, in which we commit our gravest sins.

We commit our sins most often as we overreach.

Okay. We are tempted to overreach — in our words, our resumes, our successes, even our recaps of our ‘what we did today’ lists.

Some overreach more than others, but, we all get tempted. And, just as I noted above, it is explainable and understandable. When Life is trying to constantly tell you ‘not enough’ you will constantly be trying to showcase ‘more than enough.’ That is a natural response.

And this is where people separate themselves into two basic generalized groups:

those who define how they matter <enough> by an internal balance sheet

versus

those who define how they matter <enough> by an external balance sheet.

I am not suggesting it has to be 100%, internal or external, because most of us figure out how to commit a few ‘sins’ as possible and try and manage what they desire in a way they don’t ultimately get destroyed by their desires. Most of us figure out our ‘best version’ is pretty good … maybe less than some but more than others.

=============

“And so we all matter – maybe less than a lot, but always more than some.”

John Green

============

But some people truly do end up in the 100% column.

It is quite possible someone like the Pope is close to the internal 100% judgement, but I imagine a lot of people actually slide close to this Life self-framing. It comes with some external expenses, but a shitload of people are willing to sacrifice those things because they know the gold curtains fade, the money can be lost and the houses can burn down. External trappings can only provide so much comfort.

On the end of the spectrum are the hollow people. They look glitzy. They sound confident <if not arrogant or blowhards>. They have all the trappings of success. But their sacrifice is whatever internal compass that can guide goodness or true fairness as well as empathy & compassion. They have sacrificed counting internal cues … because external cues are all that count. All the while they are trying too hard, seem to be overcompensating for something and spending a shitload of time trying to convince everyone they are at least better than maybe we know they are at something. They fill their spaces with sins and laud them as virtues.

All that said. We all know at least one person who is always trying too hard.

This is the person who desires the things which will destroy me in the end.

This is the person whose sins are attempts to fill voids.

This is the person we know, & often wish we could change, but is quite possibly the most unchangeable person we know.

We all have voids.

We just need to be very very careful that what we fill that void with doesn’t destroy us in the end.

I tend to believe most of us are pleasantly surprised by how well we overcome shit.

The reality is 99.9% of the time we overcome anything thrown our way.

Well.

That is if you assess success as “short of death.” If you do not, then overcoming gets judged on a variety of fairly creative, and absurd, measurements.

But if you strip away everything but ‘death’ as the only failure measurement that means if you recognize you cannot be destroyed, you actually recognize you can overcome just about any and every thing.

That affects how you make choices & decisions.

That affects how you feel about yourself.

That all sounds good, and relatively simple, but it is relatively difficult to embrace as a thought and attitude.

I actually do not believe this is a Life lesson. I believe it is something we simply struggle with throughout Life.

We gain & accumulate things as we grow older. Life experiences, titles, professional experience, money, things and acquisitions … oh … and family.

That is reality.

And reality hates, absolutely frickin’ hates, to be destroyed.

We face shit everyday, some big shit and some small shit, and as we face it we view it through bifocals — what reality will be destroyed and how do I protect against it and what do I really want to do.

If you focus solely on the latter, you will feel really really good about yourself <in a semi selfish way> but I can almost guarantee that doing so will come at the expense of some reality in your life. It may be a small expense and it may be a huge expense — but an expense nonetheless.

If you focus solely on the former, you will most likely have a fairly comfortable reality but I can almost guarantee that doing so will come at the expense of some moral relativity <sense of self stuff> in your life. It may be a small expense and it may be a huge expense — but an expense nonetheless.

That is why I said this is a constant struggle for us in life.

We know most of the decisions and choices we make will not kill us, but we have to weigh what that choice & decision will kill in our reality.

On this one topic I can actually share some personal experience.

I have shed the former stuff at some point in my Life & career. I dropped the titles, the compensation, the career, the responsibilities <I do not have a family> and all the past stuff <as well as I could>.

Now. That doesn’t mean that simply destroying it all meant it went away mentally. Destroying everything you feel like you have earned <not deserved> doesn’t translate into some personal ‘slotting’ from that point on – I had that salary so anything less is bad, I had that title so anything less is bad, I had that type of home so anything less than that is bad, etc.

That mental aspect takes some time <at least it did for me>.

But once I reached a point where I recognized that the only way I could actually be destroyed was death itself, well, doing the right thing and doing what I wanted to do became a shitload easier when trying to overcome shit.

I admit. While not a luxurious life, it is a luxury not many people have to do what I did. But to attain this luxury I almost had to destroy reality. That sounds kind of extreme. I imagine there is another way to do it <one would hope, wouldn’t one?>.

Ok. Look.

That isn’t really the point. It isn’t because I am certainly not suggesting people ditch their reality just so they can always make their decisions based on what would make them feel good as a person. Reality comes with some responsibilities which deserve to be acknowledged. I imagine my real point is that more of us should recognize everything is overcomeable. Your worst day, your worst decision, your worst choice, your worst anything … if it doesn’t kill you, can be overcome.

I say that because far too often in the moment where the worst is occurring most of us aren’t thinking about the fact we cannot be destroyed, we are worrying about being destroyed. That in and of itself most likely puts us in a position in which we are much more likely to make the worst worse <and, at best, make the worst as palatable as possible>.

Shit happens. That is a given.

But not all shit is created equal and not all shit outcomes are created equal. And while all shit can be overcome, if you are a little more fearless when the shit hits the fan, a little more inclined to believe “what the hell, I am not going to die,” I would argue you may actually be more likely to come through the shit not only alive & well … but not as stinky.

And even better? You will sleep well that night knowing you had destroyed what may have destroyed you without destroying your soul & character.

My bottom line? The reality is we can all overcome more than we think we can, you are better at overcoming shit when it occurs the less shit you fear losing and you can overcome shit without sacrificing soul & character — and all those things are connected.

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

–

teen blogger Taychyka

====

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

–

Winston Churchill

===

So. I have written about ‘the art of rhetoric’ but that is one side of the equation in communication – the actual speaking and what to say. The other side of the equation is silence.

And I chose to begin my thinking with a 16 year old quote … and a Winston Churchill quote.

Huh?

Yup. Sometimes teens really do get it.

The funny thing is I believe all of us know, especially when we are younger, that there is a time to ‘not talk.’

Then.

School makes “filling space with words” a competitive arena and starts making us believe it is a way of life. And in the business world this competition for words and ‘speaking your ideas to get credit’ goes to an entirely new level … it’s on steroids.

That said. It takes courage to not speak.

It is often leaving something unsaid that is the most difficult thing to do in conversations and dialogue.

Silence is a funky thing to most of us.

Most young speakers appear to have a deadly fear of silence. And as they proceed into ‘not so young’ their behavior continues and become aggravating non stop talking machines.

Unless someone says “pause and think.”

But. It seems we are becoming a people who if for even a fraction of a second nothing is coming out of their mouth they feel that something is wrong.

The result?

Well. Actually two things:

1. Space fillers.

The ever aggravating “uh,” “um,” “eh”, “ah”, “you know” and other useless things that dot the monologue <all barriers to an actual dialogue by the way>.

We employ these unnecessary noises seemingly because we dread the “sound of silence.” It’s as if someone has told us that that something must always be coming out of their mouth, at all times, under all conditions, no matter what.

We all know, in fact, that is not true.

Even the non stop talking machines understand this <in whatever quiet moments they may have with themselves assuming they aren’t talking to themselves in the mirror>. We all know that silence is a natural and necessary part of any good presentation of whatever you are talking about.

2. The wrong thing.

It is quite possible we all need a lesson in what saying the wrong thing means versus silence. I often believe we forget that. Saying the wrong thing, especially at the wrong time, kills ideas, kills conversation, kills relationships … it just kills.

I just don’t believe we teach this enough.

Shit. I just don’t believe we think about this enough. And, this may be an ironic suggestion in this post, I just don’t think we speak about this enough. We discuss “silence versus missed opportunity to say the right thing”all the time. “Speak up if you have something to say” is the message we start teaching early on in life.

Balance.

We need to teach balance.

Anyway. I try and keep it simple in my own head. “Don’t fill empty space simply because it is empty.”

In a non-stop world, we have become non-stop speakers. For this reason alone, silence is a powerful tool. Think about beginning a presentation with silence. It takes courage. But it gives your audience time to breathe as well. We live in a crazy world where silence is not easy to find. And, frankly, it’s just not that easy to use either.

Silence. Don’t shun silence. Embrace it.

One of the most poetic thoughtful thoughts I can think of with regard to silence comes from lyrical wordsmiths Simon and Garfunkel:

—

“People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening.

No one dared disturb the sound of silence.

Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you.

My words like silent raindrops, fell and echoed in the wells of silence.”

—

Oh. One last, kind of odd, thought on speaking and silence.

Think about this.

This is a legal thing.

Legally you must speak out in order to benefit from your right to remain silent.

No shit.

So. In a narrowly split decision the Supreme Court recently expanded the Miranda rights limits. The decision reflects that suspects must break their silence and tell police they are going to remain quiet to stop an interrogation <just as I guess they must actually speak out to tell police they want a lawyer>. What this means is you still have the right to remain silent, but if you want questioning to stop you need to invoke it by first speaking. The goal here is not to protect the constitutional right to silence, but to tell the police when questioning must stop.

I am not sure what to do with this information but maybe if you get arrested silence isn’t such a good thing <I think>. But maybe the bigger lesson is that speaking & silence, when used well and in balance, insures due process … for truth.

“Aesthetics is the shop window, ultimately, if there’s nothing in that shop, it has no longevity, do you know what I mean?”

====

Geri Halliwell

———————-

Well. Of all people in the world I never thought I would read ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell <Ginger Spice?> saying something relevant to business … and actually use it to write something.

Anyone who has ever worked with me has heard me use the “fluff and fold” reference.

Fluff is the aesthetics.

Fold is the value.

Fluff is puffery.

Fold is the substance.

Look. We like the aesthetics. Maybe even love it, adore it and bond with it. But without the fold, the value and functionality, we end up disappointed in the aesthetics and will inevitably move on to the next thing to adore.

And while I have never articulated this thought like Geri did I have tried to say it over and over and over again in meeting after meeting after, well, meeting. Perception is not reality. Reality is reality and if your aesthetics don’t match reality you are screwed.

I do know it is one of the most consistent discussions in business positioning, selling and marketing. and it will continue to do so because there is a natural tension between “fluffers” and “folders.”

While the most strident of each wish it would be 100% at the exclusion of their kindred enemy … most of fall into a natural 80/20 versus 20/80 Pareto rule.

A fluffer understands that substance is necessary, just maybe as a period at the end of the interesting fluff.

The folder grudgingly accepts that aesthetics are necessary, just maybe as a “once upon a time” entrée to the main story of substance.

It really doesn’t matter which side you fall on in this discussion the debate revolves around the same issues time and time again:

If they are not interested <sometimes confused with ‘entertained’> they will not pay attention

Everybody is stressed for time and if you don’t engage them in the first 10 seconds you have lost them <hyperbole statement at best>

People are tired of bullshit and just want you to cut to the chase <flawed logic because this assumes substance sell itself>

But regardless of how often all of us fall into this tired argument, this is where most trains go off the tracks.

Suffice it to say, businesses get mesmerized by aesthetics.

If I hear one more quote about “first impressions count” or “they have to like you before they can enter into a brand dialogue” or, well, any of the semi-intellectual strategic crap that flippantly gets tossed around like the newest office toy sitting on the conference room table … I will puke.

In the simplistic dialogues that take place you inevitably find people debating what is more important — when it isn’t a matter of importance; it is a matter of balance <or proportion>. And, yet, while I sense we all know that balance is the answer we seem to consistently slide down the slippery slope of fluff under the guise of “the substance is complex and we need to simplify!”

Huh?

Everyone wants ‘the one thing.’

Everyone wants ‘the formula.’

Nuts.

That is what I say to that.

Nuts.

Substance is substance. I am not suggesting you have to serve it up in some complex unpalatable way, but substance, more often than not, is not simple. And if we try and simplify substance too much, uh oh, it becomes … uhm … fluff.

In the end.

You cannot just have fluff.

You cannot just have fold.

You have to have both in some form or fashion. And more often than not there is no formula, but <I have to tell ya> if you can balance your fluff and fold in a quasi-50/50 split <maybe 40% fluff & 60% fold> you have a very good chance of delivering relevant information in a palatable way.

Oh. That word may get me in trouble … “palatable.”

Look. I am clearly in the substance <fold> camp.

While I enjoy the fluff I find that it maddeningly takes up an excessive amount of energy and focus away from substance <fold> which is inevitably what represents the effectiveness of whatever idea you are sharing.

But I have also learned, and have the scars to show, that ideas … even great bigly ideas … do not explain themselves, do not sell themselves and are often not attractive in their black & whiteness. I have learned that, while starkness has its time & place businesses <and people in general> engage with things that have a more rich & royal hue.

I imagine all us business folk should remember the famous words of that ex-Spice Girl Geri:

Aesthetics matter … but … if there is nothing in that shop … well … there is no longevity … is there?

when youre unapologetically comfortable with yourself, people really dont know what to do with you.

—-

from monochromaticblack

====================

people get mad when they don’t understand the source of someone else’s confidence. lol thats wild.

—

from monochromaticblack

===============

Well.

I loved both of these thoughts written by a young African <Nigeria I believe> woman on her tumblr site.

I love them because they do not mean you don’t want to improve <in fact most of these people acknowledge they are work in progress which actually is the foundation for their confidence and comfort with self>, but rather espouse a strong belief in self – or being comfortable in your own skin.

I say that, yet, most people see these things as cocky or not willing to listen or be accepting constructive criticism.

They are wrong.

It is just a reflection of a strong self-awareness. And an awareness of what is going on around them. And a willingness to adapt to the situation at hand <therefore each situation aligns with the appropriate confidence rather than trying to stay a square peg and face a round hole on occasion>.

To me … this type of discussion around self awareness driven confidence is almost like discussing the difference between the actually appropriate “I couldn’t care less” versus the more common less appropriate phrase “I could care less.”

They clearly mean different things and, yet, misused so often they are misheard and misinterpreted. But … about the self awareness the quotes suggest.

I like the stubborn kind of love of thyself.

I like the semi-unconditional love of who and what you are.

I like the persistency and acceptance of the undeniable compass that resides within.

I like the understanding and almost commanding hold this belief has on someone’s character and behavior and attitudes.

I like the fact it leaves someone nowhere to go and, yet, at the same time enables the ability to embrace some type of expanded self.

I like the sense that this is a different type of self love which one can never escape no matter how hard you may try <because Life suggests you should ‘escape it’>.

I like the thought that it remains a version of a good friend to rely on regardless of the time of day, situation or crisis.

I like the fact it suggests a version of ‘home’ regardless of how far you may be tempted to stray.

I like it represents a source of healing from which one can replenish who and what you are … no matter what happens.

I like the sense of true companionship strength <thru thick or thin>.

I like the unapologetic faith in head, heart & humanity.

I like the … well … consistency … and the flexibility. I call it a consistent flexible personality.

=====

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.

If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Friedrich Nietzsche

======

I like the idea someone can change innumerable times, yet in each iteration, will remain fundamentally the same.

I like the idea that the personality & character doesn’t change for, basically, functional reasons.

I like the idea it maintains the attitude of ‘the self’ and continuing to change, constantly aligning itself to changing world and what it learns.

And, I imagine, what I like most is that this type of self-confidence and belief in self insures that no matter how often Life and the shit it throws at you tries to put an end to its existence … you exist.

The dictionary tells us you cannot ‘put an end to the existence of something’ more than a single time. I would argue with the dictionary <which is surprising because I like unequivocal truths>. Life can, and does, put an end to the existence of lots of ‘self’ things. Sometimes for good, but more often for the bad.

All I would say is that if you are unapologetically comfortable with yourself you are more likely to insure the existence of what matters and put an end to the existence of that which does not matter… when it matters.

People may not know what to do with you, but you will always know what you can do.

“We’ve all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don’t want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest.”

–

Four <Divergent>

==============

“Virtue refuses facility for her companion … the easy, gentle, and sloping path that guides the footsteps of a good natural disposition is not the path of true virtue. It demands a rough and thorny road.”

–

Michel de Montaigne

===========

Dauntless and being dauntless.

I thought about this the other day after reading this quote from Rob Estreitinho: “Serve the idea. Solve the problem. Everything else is ego talk.”

In order to live your business Life to this ideal one would have to be, well, dauntless.

I love the word Dauntless.

I rediscovered the word in an otherwise incredibly poorly written great story <the Divergent trilogy>.

The book places society into five different factions — each espousing one specific virtue <at the expense of other virtues>. I imagine one of the points is that making one virtue your Life focus is bad in that we are a complex balance of a number of virtues.

Anyway. The factions are <virtues>:

Abnegation.

Amity.

Erudite.

Candor.

Dauntless.

But it is in the Dauntless idea in which I found something that truly struck a chord. Something I found valuable to think about. Okay. Not just for me but society, business and people in general.

—

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”

Dauntless Manifesto

—

Well. There is a thought. No. there is a BIG thought. In a me, me, me world <or at least it sometimes feels that way these days>, in a world where if I see something like ‘no one will stand up for you but yourself’, or, hear ‘the only one you can count on is yourself’ one more time, I will begin thinking we have lost our humanity compass (or, at least, lost sight of what is important).

Important?

Ordinary acts of bravery.

Bravery as in everyday actions and not in running into fires to save someone or stepping in front of a bullet.

Bravery as in stepping in front of criticism.

Bravery as in stepping in front of ‘doing nothing.’

Bravery as in stepping in and doing what is right <even if it may not be the easiest thing to do>.

Bravery as in stepping up for an unpopular idea.

Or. How about these words:

“We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves.”

I am not suggesting shouting, but rather speaking out for those who only whisper and defending those who cannot defend themselves. This includes ideas.

Look.

The world is made up of a bunch of different people. It is crazy, fucking crazy, to criticize and diminish the people who only whisper or do not always defend themselves. Yeah. We may not like it, we may wish that they stood up and spoke out, but just because they don’t doesn’t make them ‘lesser than.’ It is simply what it is. Accept it. And if you can make a difference, and you want to make a difference; then make a difference. You are no better than the other person, you are simply doing what you do.

In other words. If you are dauntless, then be dauntless.

But, I imagine my real point is, if you have this dauntless virtue than accept the responsibility.

It is who you are and you should be it.

My next point? Fearless and dauntless are two completely different things.

Dauntless doesn’t mean you do not have fear … it simply means ‘going the way despite maybe having fear.’ Dauntless is a relentless pursuit of what you believe is right.

As Montaigne suggests, it is not an easy gentle slope of living life; it is a rough and thorny road.

I found it interesting that the author of the Divergent trilogy in an appendix suggested the following lyrics to this song captured the essence of what she was writing about <and I thought it also was relevant to being dauntless>:

“Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for

There’s some strength left in you yet

Hold on to the world we all remember dying for

There’s some hope left in it yet

Arise and be

All that you dreamed.

Flyleaf <Arise>

Ah. Arise and be all that you dreamed.

Do we not all dream about standing up for those who cannot stand on their own?

Do we not dream about speaking up for those who can only whisper?

Or defending those who cannot defend themselves?

If that is being Dauntless … well … sign me up.

Now. We may all dream of being ‘that person.’ But that is not for everyone. And it shouldn’t be. Because sometimes being dauntless means you are simply clearing the way, opening the pathway, so someone can get through and do what they do. And what they do is make the world a little more like the world we remember worth dying for.

What does this suggest? Roles & responsibilities. We all have roles & responsibilities.

Regardless. The Dauntless Manifesto has some thoughtful thoughts. Things we should all think about. Things that may remind us of the world we remember worth dying for.

Anyway. Parts of the Dauntless Manifesto are silly … but it is a poorly written young adult book so just focus on the sometimes breathtaking choice of words:

—————————–

Dauntless Manifesto:

We believe that cowardice is to blame for the world’s injustices.

We believe that peace is hard-won, that sometimes it is necessary to fight for peace. But more than that: We believe that justice is more important than peace.

We believe in freedom from fear, in denying fear the power to influence our decisions. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

We believe in acknowledging fear and the extent to which it rules us. We believe in facing that fear no matter what the cost to our comfort, our happiness, or even our sanity.

We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves.

We believe, not just in bold words but in bold deeds to match them. We believe that pain and death are better than cowardice and inaction because we believe in action.

We do not believe in living comfortable lives. We do not believe that silence is useful.

We do not believe in good manners.

We do not believe in empty heads, empty mouths, or empty hands.

We do not believe that learning to master violence encourages unnecessary violence.

We do not believe that we should be allowed to stand idly by. We do not believe that any other virtue is more important than bravery.

——————————-

All that said.

Being dauntless is not easy. Its about accepting fear, accepting doubt and accepting your own demons. Or maybe its just about living with them.

—-

”We never lose our demons. We only learn to live above them.”

Dr. Strange

—-

Ok. Here is what I know about living dauntlessly. It sounds like a simple choice but it is not simple. I believe it was Jaime Lannister on the Game of Thrones who explained it the best:

So many vows… they make you swear and swear. Defend the king. Obey the king. Keep his secrets. Do his bidding. Your life for his. But obey your father. Love your sister. Protect the innocent. Defend the weak. Respect the gods. Obey the laws. It’s too much. No matter what you do, you’re forsaking one vow or the other.

No matter what you do, no matter which direction, or fear, or decision, you face; as you turn away from one thing you will end up facing another. You will forsake one thing to deal with another.

What this means to Dauntless is, well, you may as well take action. You may as well do something.

You may as well try to improve your station and lot in Life despite whatever fears you may have.

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“If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…”

Sure. Some of the best of the fearless-like dauntless people have an inner fear compass which enables them to navigate fear little better than the rest of us everyday schmucks.

To be clear. They actually have dauntless guardrails which keeps them from chaos of ‘do anything just to do’ which truly only a psychologically screwed up person would ever embrace. That means they don’t simply ignore fear & doubt; they accept it and manage it.

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“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”

Andre Gide

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Look. I am not suggesting that fear doesn’t exist I am simply suggesting we often permit fear to take on superhuman powers and intergalactic sizes in our minds. I am suggesting seeking to be successful through being dauntless means not eliminating fear but simply making it into bite sized portions more easily swallowed <or however you elect to deal with fear … that was just a suggestion>.

Here’s the deal.

All people fear failure.

Everyone.

Even the dauntless.

And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

It’s just that some people set it aside and strive to seek something that lies somewhere beyond the fear. Across the chasm as it were. That is what being dauntless is.

Remember. Fear is defined as the emotional response to an actual or perceived threat of immediate or imminent danger or pain. The capacity to experience fear is part of human nature that has been hard-wired into us. And it is debilitating to most people. It is a fact that a large number of people suffer the often debilitating impacts of fear and anxiety. They suffer a sense of being overwhelmed and helplessness leading to an inability to take action or make changes.

Interestingly I believe we tend to tie bravery and courage with being able to overcome that helplessness brought on by fear.

Well.

I don’t think that’s right.

In most cases it is more about having the ability to see <or conceptualize> what is somewhere across the chasm and using that as the focal point to step toward. That’s not courage … that is simply focusing on what is important.

Or, let’s say, an ability to focus.

Or, let’s say, an ability to envision possibilities.

Or, let’s say, being dauntless.

The ability to keep going with their plan of action, in spite of feeling scared, because they were generally resolute in their decisions, knew the risks attached to what they were doing and in many cases believed that their actions served a larger cause for a greater good <and they had a chance of achieving an outcome they could be happy with>.

People like that don’t lessen the fear … they simply accept it … and focus on the objective.

But.

Here is the true value of being dauntless: it enhances the chance to provide greater joy and expansiveness in other’s lives.

According to a psychologist quoted in a 2009 Psychology Today … “the inaction that stems from excessive, irrational fears or fear-based thinking often shows up as a decision to live life from a “safe” position and not take risks, even if that means forsaking opportunities that might provide greater joy and expansiveness to one’s life.”

As for being dauntless?

What’s important is the action. We take action all the while seeking our own version of the Dauntless Manifesto.

And maybe that is the important closing thought. “My version of dauntless.”

Being Dauntless is a personal choice, personal decision and personal attitude. Comparing dauntlessness is stupid and wrong.

You version is yours, mine is mine. How we do dauntless isn’t comparable; it should only be judged by your reflection in the mirror. That is the only judge that counts.

I love this thought. A contributor named ‘Infinite’, a tween from Spain I think, posted this on weheartit.com.

And then I found that it is a name for a blog <for the independent fashion bloggers of all people>.

They say this <which I am using because I am pretty sure I couldn’t say it any better>:

Another way to think about it, are you voicing something original, or are you just echoing what you find to be the most popular? Granted nothing is truly original, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have your original angle on a particular story or niche. It doesn’t mean you can’t make the connection between two things that have never been connected. It doesn’t mean you can’t point out what others have overlooked.

Just because there is a formula out there for success, doesn’t mean you need to echo it to achieve your own success. Be your own voice, let others echo you.

Well. “… be your own voice and let others echo you.”

That, my friends, is a nice thought.

Speak your own mind using your own knowledge and experience and what you think … and not just mindlessly repeat what you’ve heard … is not really that difficult.

Yet.

We seem to make it difficult.

We seem to do a lot of ‘echoing’ these days.

We seem to maybe not think as often as we could … or maybe should.

Look. I am not suggesting everyone needs to be a leader or even a thought leader — all the time. Echoing smart thinking and thoughts is, well, smart.

The difficult part <I imagine> is discerning the smart from the not-so-smart.

But that isn’t what this thought is about.

It is simply about speaking your mind.

Thinking before you speak.

Saying what you think.

And that it is okay to follow <choicefully and smartly> when appropriate, yet, you still should lend your voice and thoughts when you have an idea.

I am not going to suggest such trite or vapid thoughts as ‘be an originator, not an imitator’, but I will remind everyone that being yourself <which includes your own thoughts> is a good thing. If you follow, just make sure you are echoing what you think and want to stand for. If not? Speak up. Lead the conversation. Spark some thinking.

Oh.

Yeah.

Spark some thinking.

I imagine another point I could end on is:

a tween

independent fashion bloggers.

Think about that for a minute or two. I admit. I like that I just listened to, thought about, and actually wrote citing two sources that on the face of it would seem highly unlikely to have inspired such thinking.

What do I mean?

All voices matter.

Anyone can think.

Anyone can be smart.

And it is okay for an old semi-experienced guy who has seen a lot of shit in his life <that’s me by the way> to echo the thoughts of a tween or some fashion bloggers.

“It’s a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”

Naguib Mahfouz

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“It is lack of confidence, more than anything else, that kills a civilisation. We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs.”

Kenneth Clark

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Well. I sometimes believe we confuse lack of confidence and skepticism.

Yes. I am sure they are aspects of the same thought <on occasion> but suffice it to say whenever you are skeptical with regard to something about, or for, yourself … someone will contritely suggest you are simply lacking confidence.

Look. There is no ‘how to live Life’ handbook. Most of the time we do the best we can as we make it up as we go. And, yes, I am fairly confident all of us sit back at some time or another and say ‘what if we don’t know what we are doing.’

What that typically translates into is a life in which we constantly get tugged one way by optimism or hope and the other by skepticism. In other words skepticism slows you down — sometimes even strong enough to stop you.

Having skepticism as an acquaintance isn’t necessarily a bad person to have in your circle of acquaintances. It will give you the reasonable caution to consider a little before oblivious optimism grabs your hand and pulls you off of some overly optimistic ledge. But having skepticism as a so-called ‘friend’ is a bad person to have close to you. Its nagging presence insures you always feel like you truly have no idea what you, personally, are doing. It makes that hesitation personal. And it makes you forget that everyone doesn’t know what they are doing and making it up as they go and doing the best that they can.

Life is bigger than just us and while we are individuals and unique in our character we all pretty much share the same rules and challenges in Life.

Skepticism is personal.

It pulls you out of the bigger ‘us’ and makes you a smaller ‘us.’

I thought about this when I found this teen written letter written to herself written to her so called friend ‘skepticism’:

Dear Skepticism,

Oh, why must you infect my brain with your contagious thoughts? You are not content to let me simply accept, you find any way to twist my beliefs into doubts. When I am truly happy, you shatter the illusion and show me exactly why my life is nothing to be pleased about. Mirroring me, images of success and loneliness, you know how to get under my skin. Skepticism, you know my inner self more so than any other, thus you know which strings to pull. I am your marionette, controlled by your twisted intentions. Push and pull the words in my mind, formulate sharp sentences designed to drawn blood from my fragile humanity. The way I hurt others, is multiplied in the way I myself am torn apart.

In this distance, in this loneliness, skepticism welcomes itself to my chemically dyed head, taking it’s place amongst longing and deep hurt. Underneath the surface intelligence, beneath the mathematical formulas and psychology terms, is my fragility. This I admit, not much effects me, except my own carefully targeted words. Why would I allow myself to feel pain at the words of others, when my own mind is so much capable? My inner demons are muted when I am amongst others, when I am laughing with my best friend or in the arms of my boyfriend, but in silence they scream demented tones. “Why would anyone love you?” They taunt me, pulling at my weaknesses. “You really think you have anything going for you besides your intelligence?” They laugh at my naivety. “If you were worth something, to anyone, would your phone really be so silent?” They say the things I do not want to hear. They speak the truths I try to forget.

Skepticism, please take leave and allow me some peace of mind. A good night’s sleep would be beneficial, I am sick of this restlessness. The distance itself is enough, I do not need your constant reminders of what it might mean. I know you find pleasure in twisting at the corners of my mind, but please fuck off. I do not need the constant doubts you provide me with. This weekend has given you sufficient time to point out exactly how I feel, I get it. Skepticism, I know you only want to protect me, but it’s much too late for that. I am old enough to make my own mistakes and hold my own beliefs so please, fuck off. I am done with you telling me who does not care about me. You are not a good friend, understand that I want nothing to do with you. You only bring me down.

Sincerely,

Gloria

Skepticism is sly. Even though we don’t really know what we are doing <in general> we do know something and yet actually doing it is something very different. Therefore, skepticism sets limits for you <under the guise of protecting you>.

You know you should stop procrastinating.

You know you should be writing, or doing something to improve a skill, or practicing something, or decluttering.

In business they have something they call The Knowing-Doing Gap. Gobs of companies pay gobs of consultants gobs of money to increase their effectiveness and limit the knowing – doing gap. And after all the gobs of whatever, they know what to improve, but still don’t actually implement it.

Why can’t we put what we know to do … into actual doing? What stops us?

The answer is simple and difficult. Skepticism. Skepticism determines limits.

“Why do you, or they, or anyone get to determine my limits?”

Veronica Roth

All that said. It takes a teen to remind us how to deal with skepticism:

“dear skepticism … so please, fuck off. I am done with you telling me who does not care about me. You are not a good friend, understand that I want nothing to do with you. You only bring me down.”

We may not know what we are doing. But most of the time we know what we should be doing.

We all have ‘heart’ and will always be afflicted with a skeptical mind.

“Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road.”

―

Voltaire

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Losing is part of Life. And, if you are a business troublemaker, you almost have to get used to losing because if you are worth half a shit as a troublemaker you will most likely reside in an 80/20 world. 80% of the trouble you make won’t give you any satisfaction if you are seeking a ‘win. So the 20% wins need to be enjoyed.

Now.

I will point out that all that losing doesn’t make you a loser, but that’s not my point today. My main point is that troublemaker ideas create some fairly intense feelings.

Oddly, and maybe incorrectly, I’m going to lean in on Maslow to discuss this. Maslow’s original formulation identified five levels (three more, including curiosity or exploration, aesthetics, and religion were added later.)

The first level comprised biological needs – such as food, shelter, warmth, sex, and sleep.

The second focused on ‘safety’: protection from the environment, law and order, stability, and security.

The third level concerned ‘love and belonging’, including friendship, acceptance, love, and being part of a group – not only family, but also at work.

Fourth were the needs for ‘esteem’. These included both self-esteem (dignity, achievement, independence) and respect from others (status, prestige).

Fifth was ‘self-actualization’ needs covered self-fulfillment, personal growth, and particularly intense, ‘peak’ experiences. To flourish, the top level of self-actualization must be reached.

I share this because flourish and losing seems like it creates a fairly visceral intense reaction.

This makes me share two thoughts:

Investing in big loss opportunities.

Go big or go home comes to mind. If you are a troublemaker you will absolutely invest energy in small wins and losses. Let’s call those ‘nudge opportunities.’ But your Maslow self will be defined by the big wins and losses. If you want to survive. you have to get good at 2 things:

Not investing intense energy on small things. in other words, you only have so much to give and you cannot give it away all the time. Contrary to much popular advice, sometimes ‘just enough’ is essential to success.

Effectively discerning the big things. it may be obvious, but at the onset little things can look like big things and big things can look like little things. Your survival as a troublemaker may balance on how well you can discern the difference between the two.

Choose wisely.

Embracing big losses gracefully.

Once you decide to go big or go home your personal intensity naturally increases. You are vested and invested in the idea or thinking. Most times at this stage you never think about losing, only winning. Not in ruthlessly competing but rather in “I cannot envision how anyone could ever not see the benefits of this.” Losing, therefore, becomes either a failure in them (they couldn’t see it) or a failure in you (what did I do wrong). Failing is the worst version of losing. How you lose often defines who you are.

Act wisely.

Anyway.

Hugh McLeod

I began with Maslow to emphasize how challenging both of these things are. The higher you go up on the Maslow pyramid the more personal it gets. That means the importance of gains & losses increase in importance. Which brings me back to my opening 80/20 breakdown. Even the best of the best troublemakers only win 20% of the time.

So.

All I really know is you better learn how to lose well or everyone will think you are an asshole. And, before you dismiss that thought as “who cares, I am a troublemaker”, in the real world troublemakers are dependent upon (a) being in positions & places in which they can make trouble and (b) other people to actually bring the ideas & thinking to life. If you are an asshole, no place will want you and no people will want to have anything to do with any of your ideas and thinking.