Remember when we were young? We had nothing to trust but our intuition when dating women. The truth is those instincts were often smothered by lust and/or love but there was perhaps less at stake? We were ‘time rich’, money poor’, the opposite of a lot of us today. Our time is valuable but we generally, certainly in relation to most Thai people, have more money. So, we do not want to have our time wasted by some ‘e-doc tong’ (gold-digging bitch) But, we are wiser now than when we were young, surely? Love tends to make us innocents again and that same old juice starts pumping through our bodies making decisions on our behalf. It’s like putting a drunken sailor in charge of a battleship . . . danger ahead! My (Advanced Settings)Rules for Living in Thailand Don’t give a girl or ladyboy false hope by musing aloud about a potential life together until you are certain you can make it a reality. Like children, they will take you at your word even if you don’t know that you gave it! Learn to say, ‘No’! Don’t give in to emotional blackmail, make a point of doing the opposite of the requested action. Don’t discuss your financial situation or plans. Don’t expect Thai people to be on time. Build their lateness into your plans. Thai people are very patient and they may seem slow to act, don’t let this frustrate you. Love, Laugh, Be tolerant and forgiving. Be generous but nobody’s fool. Always ask a Thai person to repeat back to you whatever...

I was playing with a deck of cards recently and was inspired by the idea that each of the cards represents a type of person you may find in Thailand. These are stereotypes, of course but fun, nevertheless. Jack of Hearts The Jack of Hearts is like the many young, farm fresh ladyboys or girls arriving in Bangkok or Pattaya (if they are unlucky) and naively expecting the first foreign guy that takes her from the bar to become her boyfriend. Two lovely ladyboys told me they believed this in all earnestness. The Jack of hearts can go either way, towards the light or dark, becoming the Queen of Hearts or of Diamonds/Clubs, depending on her experiences. Jack of Diamonds A thieving hooker. Lots can be found riding motorcycles around on Samui island where they delight in stealing a man’s possessions when he’s in the shower. Laptops, iPads, watches, mobile phones all get sold on, usually to fund a crack habit. You can also encounter them along Sukhumvit Road where they will snatch off your gold chain before you can say, ‘how much, short time?” Queen of Hearts The Queen of Hearts is always the best bet. She understands foreign men and likes them. She’s looking for love and a home life. Her job or her past are almost immaterial in terms of...

By now, if you have been watching and listening to me talk for any length of time you will probably have assimilated ‘The Rules’. Some form of these “Rules” can be found on various websites and videos across the web. The Rules Don’t be “Captain Save a Whore”-whores don’t want to be saved, they want your money. Don’t let girls/ladyboys move into your apartment until you are ready If you feel yourself falling in love, take some time out Don’t marry a whore Don’t use your savings to buy land or property in a Thai person’s legal name Be prepared to walk away from any relationship even if it hurts. Rules are made to be broken but make sure you don’t break them on your first visit to Thailand. Give yourself a fighting chance before applying a broader, more sensitive approach to living. The most basic rules, like those above, are those you will have heard and read the most often and we need rules or maxims to live by particularly when we are vulnerable, as when we are in situations/environments that are new to us. Thai people often imagine foreigners as naive or even stupid folk who come from a land of milk and honey where even idiots can succeed with ease. Arriving in Thailand is jumping off a cultural cliff’s edge and we spend a lot of time walking around, enthralled, with our mouths open in surprise and amazement as we soak in this thoroughly alien but wonderful new world. But these rules are just maxims, stereotypical responses if you will and as...