My Gametag:typepad.com,2003:weblog-1237880446699824752018-03-05T15:16:40-05:00TypePadIs this art? I don’t care. | 835tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09f8f83a970d2018-03-05T15:16:40-05:002018-03-06T09:24:23-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Monday, March 5, 2018 # 835 (countdown) - Woke up 4:40 am. Still struggling financially. January and February sold ca. 40 used items on a site similar to Craigslist, which was not bad. I have 90 more items there but it stalled...Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Monday, March 5, 2018

# 835 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:40 am.

Still struggling financially. January and February sold ca. 40 used items on a site similar to Craigslist, which was not bad. I have 90 more items there but it stalled and last week didn’t sell a thing.

Several times I thought about taking items people give away for free there and then trying to sell them through that same or a different site. Haven’t done that yet as I personally still have many unused things which sit in our apartment. Will see.

Meanwhile I created an account on a site called SAATCHI ART (which looks great as far as the functionality and all goes) and added my first photos for sale. I had this thought already in August last year but I guess back then the pressure to find a new source of income wasn’t big enough. Plus I needed to shop around a little bit for a proper platform where I could offer my art for sale and until recently the one I liked wasn’t free (I would have to choose one of their monthly plans) and monthly plans are the last thing I need nowadays.

Optimistic though. Positive that there are people in this world who will want to support my work and pay for my art. And that they will do it eagerly. I simply believe in what I do and I believe there is value in it for people.

I think my biggest strength is that I can show people how to bypass illusory obstacles and go for what they thought they could only dream about.

Besides offering my photos through SAATCHI ART I still work on my subsequent books. Last week I had a new idea for a book. I don’t even count those ideas. They pile up. Write every single one of them down and sooner or later they will see the light of the day. Producing them takes time. The only thing that could stop me now that I already have six self-published books is my death.

Excited too! Ideas for books are not the only things that are piling up in my head recently. Last week I had at least ten ideas for art projects. Wrote them all down. Want to try them all. Performance art and installations. Performance art probably because it’s the cheapest form of art I can think of right now (apart from photography), but also because those are my ideas right now. I didn’t choose between one form or another — it so happened that I got inspired and performance art it was. Installations really cool!

It will be my debut as an artist and I think of all those poor newcomers who need to please the establishment before they can call themselves artists. So I’ve got an idea. Let’s say those will not be art projects and I’m not an aspiring artist who will have a debut on the art scene.

I will do some projects I came up with and that’s all. You don’t even have to pay attention. It’s not for you (I mean the art establishment). I’m not trying to please anybody from the establishment. I’m not trying to enter the field of art, nor am I trying to make a name for myself in the art world. I will do a couple of projects which include appearing before the public and attempting to convey some kind of a message to those people. To all those who will want to watch.

Is this art? Of course, it depends on the definition of art. Honestly I don’t care if it is or isn’t. It’s just a matter of interpretation. I have one, you have one, everyone has one. So I will definitely not cry if art critics will tell me that what I do is not art and that I am not an artist. I’m not an artist and what I do is not art. But guess what? One thing nobody will be able to deny. That I fucking did it and someone saw it and that it influenced him or her.

On smiling at death | 836tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b7c953202e970b2018-02-25T15:38:59-05:002018-02-25T15:38:59-05:00[ 4 min read ] My Author Journey, Sunday, February 25, 2018 # 836 (countdown) - Woke up 4:00 am. I wonder if I’ll be able to smile at death. Look it in the eyes (heck, why the idea that death should look like us? we’re so full of ourselves...Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Sunday, February 25, 2018

# 836 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:00 am.

I wonder if I’ll be able to smile at death. Look it in the eyes (heck, why the idea that death should look like us? we’re so full of ourselves as species), so maybe it’s better if I said that I’ll be able to look it in the eye (or eyes) and be able to smile and say “I won”.

Even if it doesn’t resemble us, it must have at least one eye, must it not?

Why do we think of death as of a creature? Why do we talk about cheating, beating, or escaping it? Why do we want to look it in the eyes if that’s nothing but a technical problem which isn’t solvable?

Must have to do with our survival instinct. I think so. It’s difficult or even impossible to fight if there is nobody we can fight against

We had to invent death as a creature which we can face. Now it’s us vs. our enemy.

I guess in some cases it can help us escape death (I mean find / develop some solution to a certain technical problem where there was none, or where we thought there was none). Or that’s just a story we like to tell ourselves because it gives us the impression that we’re so powerful. Maybe it’s all chance.

I guess in this case (when we’re talking about death) it can be something more than our mere storytelling. Survival instinct very likely plays a vital role when we’re about to die, as it does throughout our lives.

I believe those who didn’t lose their hope and who fight on might actually have much better chances of surviving than those who have lost all hope and can’t fight on.

We behaved and still behave similarly when some plague or disaster is killing many people and threatening to kill also us or destroying the world they lived in (like war or financial crisis). We like to give those phenomena a humanlike appearance. We personify a lot of things. In art especially.

I think it’s our way of dealing with those phenomena that are part of our lives, particularly those which we can’t grasp or touch. It’s easier to fight and mobilize people when some enemy is in sight. When we have something which we can beat.

So even if death isn’t our enemy, as we often view and depict it, even if objectively it has no qualities of a human being (by the way, do we ever personify birth as the opposite of death? is birth really the opposite of death? I think the opposite of death isn’t birth, as we often like to say, but no-death), even if it’s just an unsolvable technical problem that in the end causes all our bodily functions to stop (or the aftermath of such unsolvable technical problem), we fight against it because we have this survival instinct in us and because we have come to believe that it’s only fair if we die after reaching an old age.

We thus think life or death can be unfair. But the truth is we invented the concept of fairness and objectively it’s bullshit that life or death can be unfair. Our beliefs and our expectations provide the basis for our conclusion that something is or isn’t fair.

Life is the existence of something which has certain systems which are basically an engine which keeps this thing alive until it ceases to exist (shit didn’t happen yet, engine still works). Death is the the end of this existence of something (shit did happen, the engine will work no more).

Beating death | 837tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b7c95287c7970b2018-02-23T11:56:24-05:002018-02-23T11:56:24-05:00[ 4 min read ] My Author Journey, Friday, February 23, 2018 # 837 (countdown) - Woke up 4:00 am. I still watch those documentaries about our history as human beings (on YouTube), but recently I’ve switched to watching documentaries about famous writers and artists. In a documentary about him...Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Friday, February 23, 2018

# 837 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:00 am.

I still watch those documentaries about our history as human beings (on YouTube), but recently I’ve switched to watching documentaries about famous writers and artists.

In a documentary about him Ray Bradbury said

I worry about rejection, but not too much. The real fear isn’t rejection, but that there won’t be enough time in your life to write all the stories you have in you. So every time I put a new in the mail I know I’ve beaten death again.

I also have this feeling that every time I publish a new book or a new article I’ve beaten death again.

I also often wonder if my thoughts of my sudden and unexpected death are justified. If that’s a prelude to it (my sudden and unexpected death) being the real thing. What is a sudden and unexpected death? Is there something as an expected death? If we have no idea when we will die, how come we talk about sudden and unexpected death? I think that not knowing when we will die doesn’t stop people from being entitled to reach an old age. That’s why we talk about a sudden and unexpected death. One of the most ludicrous concepts we came up with.

Back to the Ray Bradbury’s quote. It seems weird to me that we both feel this way. Being a writer (doing what a writer does every single day) I cannot imagine a situation in which I will be depleted of all that was in me. It’s simply an impossible scenario.

Each day I have new experiences, observations and thoughts. Each day brings new inspiration. Each day I come up with at least several ideas for a new blog post. Each month I have an idea for a new book (at least once every two months).

So I will never deplete myself entirely of all the stories I have in me. Through writing I deplete myself of the ideas I had, but it doesn’t mean I will not have new ones.

New ones always come, so no matter how ferocious I will be, and how prolific, I will never be able to beat death entirely. If that’s the arena we compete on.

It seems to me that death will always defeat me and its victory would be the same today as it would be tomorrow or one year from now. That’s of course true provided that my assumption that I will always have new ideas will prove accurate. I’m only guessing.

So maybe I shouldn’t play a game which is designed for me to lose. Maybe I should play a different game?

Besides, who said that the life of a writer should be about depleting yourself of all the stories that are in you? If that’s my belief, it is my belief because I told it myself and believed in it. It’s only my opinion/ belief. One of many. Why should it be the ultimate truth? Is there someone who can dictate it? I think there isn’t.

Maybe the life of a writer shouldn’t be about depleting yourself of all the stories that are in you, just as the life of a painter shouldn’t be about depleting yourself of all the paintings that are in you.

Maybe it should be about writing? Just writing. Writing without expectations. Without being entitled to being heard, understood, accepted, liked, recognized, famous, or that writing should make you rich, or that you should be able to deplete yourself of everything that’s in you.

Back to the question of death. | 838tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09f54f44970d2018-02-21T15:34:11-05:002018-02-21T15:34:11-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Wednesday, February 21, 2018 # 838 (countdown) - Woke up 3:30 am. I believe that even one year (maybe even one month) spent living my life the way I wanted would give me a huge relief if I discovered that I’m dying....Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Wednesday, February 21, 2018

# 838 (countdown)

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Woke up 3:30 am.

I believe that even one year (maybe even one month) spent living my life the way I wanted would give me a huge relief if I discovered that I’m dying. Not that I’m dying slowly, like the majority of people, gradually reaching an old age, but dying very fast of some terrible illness, or being aware that my hours are numbered because I’m stuck in Himalaya unable to rescue myself or be rescued by others.

I wonder if people who know that they will die, but have this awareness that they were able to spend some portion of their lives, not being who they are (because I’m of the opinion that we’re always who we are, that we are always 100% us, and at no point in our lives are we only 80% or 50% us - this kind of statement is an utter nonsense to me), but actually doing what they want because they were aware of the fact that other people’s expectations and expectations of the entire society (which I would equate with tradition) might very easily eliminate the possibility of living our lives the way we want, and strong enough to be able to oppose these forces, if those people are able to make peace with the fact that they will die soon (or at least not be greatly disturbed or upset by such prospect).

What’s perhaps even more important, those who did what they loved in their lives make it much easier for their loved ones to come to terms with their death.

Knowing that this person spent most of his / her time here on earth doing what he / she loved and believed in (or at least constantly searching for that thing) must be a huge relief. I genuinely believe that it is this way. Watch relatives and friends who recount the life of such person and you will probably come to the same conclusion. Of course no documentary is shot several hours after someone’s death (this should be obvious), so the first reaction might also be a huge pain and grief, but after this initial shock those relatives and friends have something they will remember this person for, something which was this person’s passion, and thus something which they will concentrate on. They won’t focus their attention on how much pain they feel that this person is no longer among them, but on something else. They will focus on telling this person’s story.

Just think about it. Would somebody care enough to tell others how you dragged yourself out of your bed each morning saying “Oh f*ck, not again”, and right after that made the same daily commute during which you dreamed of a better life, or of a world in which you wouldn’t need to work at all (because you were brainwashed to believe that life is just the way it is, that it has to be this way, and that you need to accept this sad reality of the world), and how you complained each day, and how nothing seemed to be able to cheer you up, and how you bitched about the world and people, and how you blamed your parents or the government, or your ex-wife for the way your life turned out? Who, besides perhaps a sick person, would want to focus on that? Nobody will want to go back to those stories. Heck, the fact that this person’s life was so average and meaningless will only add to our sadness.

We only recount the stories of people who did what they loved, or were courageous enough to pursue their dreams, or simply loved their life (because it was their life, not life which was imposed on them), and through it left their mark on others, provided inspiration for others.

Probably that’s also how legends are born, which might lead to idolization of that person, which then leads to viewing ourselves as not as good, but anyway, it’s way better than focusing solely on the fact that someone died and how much we suffer because of that (plus maybe on the fact that this person had plans and dreams which he / she will never realize).

It’s all about the story. If this person’s life was an exciting story to tell (an adventure, a life filled with passion, a life driven by a purpose) it changes a lot in how you look at this person’s death. I guess it would be a huge relief for me.

Take Mark Watney in the movie The Martian. Of course he is a fictional character and the story is also only a fiction (Andy Weir’s vision of what could be), but it was invented by one of us, a human being, and if so it reflects, or I should say reveals, how Andy Weir sees the question of death.

Here’s the message which Mark Watney wanted passed on to his parents in case he died on Mars (there is a reason he wanted this to be his last message to his parents):

If I die, I need you to check in on my parents. They'll wanna hear all about our time here on Mars. I know that sucks. And it'll be hard talking to a couple... about their dead son. It's a lot to ask. Which is why I'm asking you. I'm not giving up. We just need to prepare for every outcome. Please tell them... Tell them I love what I do... and I'm really good at it. And that I'm dying... for something big... and beautiful... and greater than me. Tell them I said I can live with that. And tell them... thank you for being my mom and dad.

It can happen to you too | 839tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b7c9514cdc970b2018-02-19T14:32:16-05:002018-02-19T14:32:16-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Monday, February 19, 2018 # 839 (countdown) - Woke up 3:30 am. Call me crazy but this time is perfect for me to wake up. I think it’s best for my writing. That’s what I feel. Important case of death happened again....Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Monday, February 19, 2018

# 839 (countdown)

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Woke up 3:30 am. Call me crazy but this time is perfect for me to wake up. I think it’s best for my writing. That’s what I feel.

Important case of death happened again. Year after year.

A young person died of cancer and she was 40 years old. Roughly my age.

In spring last year, touched deeply by the death of a 30-year-old man, I wrote a post in which I pointed to the lunacy of those who think everything can be planned perfectly in their lives and that everything will go according to this plan.

We don’t know our future and we will never be able to know it. So how come most people conclude that their plan will pan out?

I’m talking about people who assumed they have ‘later’ and thus they decided that they will postpone the joy of living until later.

I don’t know anything about the lives and life choices of those two people who died of cancer to whom I’m referring in this piece of writing. They weren’t even my acquaintances. They were the loved ones of people I know. The husband, the father, the son, the grandson, the sibling, the uncle, the cousin. The wife, the mother, the daughter, the granddaughter, the sibling, the aunt, the cousin.

I’m talking about people in general.

They tell themselves (because that’s the advice they get from all those well-meaning and experienced adults) that right now it is important that they get a well-paying job (even if it’s a far cry from something they’d enjoy, even if they hate it), so that they can buy themselves a nice lifestyle, and they will really enjoy life in their 50s, 60s, 70s, or when they’ll no longer have to work.

They call lunatics people who want to enjoy life, do what they like doing, feel excited about and what they really care about each day, even if those people make very little money this way, even if they struggle.

And who are they (those who call lunatics the dreamers, the visionaries, the artists, the free spirits), if not a different breed of lunatics?

They think they’re so smart, that their plan couldn’t be better, that they are those reasonable, wise individuals. But that’s just a nice little story they told themselves to feel a little bit better despite the fact that they hate their job and are pissed that they need to work (their ideal plan would be to make a shitload of money so that they’d never have to work even a single day in their lives).

They think they’re so smart but they hate most of what they do.

They wish they could do something else but they’ve been brainwashed to believe that such move would be irresponsible. It’s too risky. Things might not go according to plan (I mean, how can you be sure?). There is a script for ambitious young people and it’s safer to follow that script.

They wish they could do something else but they think that they owe it to their parents (other members of their families) to provide them with a peace of mind and a sense of pride (because it’s the norm in their culture that children provide their families with those two things), and thus they’d feel like they failed them if they didn’t have those well-paying jobs and this “normal” lifestyle most of their high school or college peers have.

They wish they could do something else but they assumed (because they’ve been brainwashed to believe a lie) that in life you don’t have to enjoy what you do. That’s the most common approach to work people have, and thus most of us are likely to conclude that it’s the only right approach. We tell ourselves that work just sucks and we need to deal with this “fact”. It’s the belief we form in our heads that then leads to staying in a job you hate all your life and telling your kids the same bullshit story about work (teaching them the same approach/ passing it down to them).

Work fills a large part of our lives, and if you are climbing the wrong ladder it’s not a life well lived. It’s not a life well lived when you live only for the evenings in your cozy apartment in the best part of town, for weekends, summer holidays, a ski trip each winter, and those couple of days when you can avoid work (traditionally all sorts of religious or state holidays).

If you postpone the joy of living until later, or if you tell yourself over and over that work doesn’t need to be satisfying, rewarding, that its only purpose is to pay your bills (because traditionally that’s how people think) you will have lots of regrets as an old person. If you will have a chance to be an old person.

Joseph Trapanese’s music!!! Absolutely fantastic!

Hope my writing does to people at least half of what music like that by Joseph Trapanese can do to me. There is no greater win. That’s the ultimate success. Not the awards, not the titles, not the red carpets, not the private jets, not the bank accounts, but the awareness that what you did inspired even one person. That your work helped this one person. That through your work you made a difference in this person’s life. That’s always my hope when I write and share my stuff with people.

On making parents happy | 840tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09f42b97970d2018-02-17T13:59:56-05:002018-02-17T22:09:57-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Saturday, February 17, 2018 # 840 (countdown) - Woke up 3:15 am. Two days ago I visited my mom and I suffered greatly that I couldn’t write as I normally would. Of course, it wasn’t entirely impossible. If I so chose I...Lukasz Laniecki

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My Author Journey, Saturday, February 17, 2018

# 840 (countdown)

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Woke up 3:15 am.

Two days ago I visited my mom and I suffered greatly that I couldn’t write as I normally would.

Of course, it wasn’t entirely impossible. If I so chose I could do it, but A/ I visit my mom sporadically and I made this pact with myself that each time when I visit her (more or less once a month for a little bit than a day) I’ll devote as much time as possible to her, by which I meant that I will not:

take phone calls from people other than family,

work during the day (will work as much as I can during the night),

meet other people,

tend to other business, etc.

and B/ my mom would probably feel that she isn’t important.

I have no problem with most of those things, but not being able to maintain my writing routine (even if it’s just one day) is hell of a challenge. I can call myself very lucky if I can squeeze in three hours in the morning (compare that to eight hours which is the norm).

I should be more relaxed as I often end up getting some inspiration from talking to my mom or interacting with people I accidentally meet while being with her. Had a chance to chat with a cobbler whose services I also used when I still lived in this city. And this conversation provided an inspiration too. It’s the silver lining, and when you look closely you'll always find it. That’s my belief.

But nonetheless I’m pissed when I can’t write.

I often wonder what my relationship with my mom would be like if I and my family lived in the same city as my mom.

Would she expect me to visit her more often and be disappointed if I didn’t? I guess she would.

Parents whose children moved out and moved to a different city or country often say they wish their children lived closer to them.

Should we as their children be glad that they crave this closeness?

Should we satisfy their needs? Should we make our life choices based on what our parents want / wish?

Should children be responsible for making the lives of their parents “perfect”? Should children make their parents’ dreams come true?

Shouldn’t parents audit their lives and at least ask themselves if the dreams they have, and if their happiness, should really be linked to someone else’s behavior/ choices? If that’s really best for them?

What if they will never audit their lives? I don’t think children should teach their parents how they should live their lives. They didn’t ask for it so I think children should keep their mouths shut as far as their parents’ life philosophy is concerned. They often can’t keep their mouths shut and this is a huge mistake in my opinion.

This causes many dilemmas, problems, or even conflicts.

For example, when my mom tells me she wished I had never moved to another city (and she immediately adds that she understands that it’s the way life is), should I sort of ignore it (treat it as childlike wishful thinking) and only tell her “Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in the same city?”(probably the best approach when your five-year old child is sad and says he wants a cookie when there are none)?

Should I explain to her (probably for the tenth time) why I think that my decision to move to a different city was good for me and that I don’t regret it. Should I add that nonetheless I wish I lived closer to her, in an attempt to make her feel good (even if that is not what I wish necessarily)?

Or maybe I should feel guilty for having made such decision and thus potentially rendered my mom unhappy? Apparently it’s the only thing that causes the unhappiness. She didn’t mention anything else. Could I have really rendered her unhappy by making my own life choices (which were different from what she hoped for), or the unhappiness was caused not by those choices of mine, but by her expectation that my choices should match the reality of the world she dreamed up?

Who is to blame? Won’t even go into that as it would require an entire discussion on life philosophy and when their own children try to tell them that they see things differently, parents often take it personally/ treat it as an attack on them, or an attempt at undermining their life philosophy (they become defensive, instead of seeing it as a yet another, equally legitimate, life philosophy).

Should it be my obligation to make sure that my mom can live in a world she dreamed up? And if yes, whose obligation then should it be to make sure that I can live in a world I dreamed up? This can’t be my obligation for I already have a different job to do. And obviously our dreams don’t have to match. Should it be my son’s obligation? If I believed that it’s on me to make sure my mom can live in a world she dreamed up, wouldn’t it be fair if later someone else will do the same for me? Otherwise I would feel that I had been screwed and probably become very sad and bitter. That’s why I as a parent (with such mindset) should infuse my son from as early as possible with the conviction that I matter more than he himself matters and that my needs should always come first. Only when he feels that he has this obligation and that it is socially acceptable to expect that from children I can hope that he will care enough to make my dreams come true. Will live nearby, will give me a grandchild, will choose the career that will allow me to enjoy a peace of mind.

Music for this writing session: David Bowie (various tracks on Spotify).

The future will be freaking fantastic! | 841tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09f0e712970d2018-02-06T15:18:25-05:002018-02-07T00:40:50-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Tuesday, February 6, 2018 # 841 (countdown) - Woke up 5:00 am. I weirdly feel almost excused from keeping this diary on a daily basis when I don’t shoot photos on a daily (almost daily) basis. I got used to (married) the...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 5 min read ]

My Author Journey, Tuesday, February 6, 2018

# 841 (countdown)

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Woke up 5:00 am.

I weirdly feel almost excused from keeping this diary on a daily basis when I don’t shoot photos on a daily (almost daily) basis.

I got used to (married) the idea that each of my diary entries will have my photo attached to it (one of the photos I took that day) and now I’m crippled by this attachment to this idea.

Since the beginning of 2018 I broke that rule several times already (I attached photos which weren’t taken on the same day I wrote those entries - I even used some of my photos I took in NYC in 2015 ) but I still feel like I was cheating each time I did that. Maybe I am cheating. I want to be able to keep this diary, and if the lack of new photos is keeping me from keeping it (what a sentence!), no wonder I’m looking for ways I can write new diary entries despite the fact that I suspended my daily routine of taking a walk in the afternoon with the intention to shoot photos.

Anyway, yesterday I took two photos in the Warsaw subway so I’ll use one of them for this entry.

Do I miss my walks and shooting daily? Not yet. I had one occasion to shoot more photos (on my visit to the National Museum in Warsaw on January 23) and apart from it I shot sporadically whenever I was outdoors and felt the urge. From the beginning of 2018 I probably took no more than 50 photos, which, when you compare that to those five months in 2017 (August through December) when I hit the pavement almost daily, seems like a joke. In those five months I would take ca. 80 photos a day (total of 12000 photos).

It was my conscious decision to suspend this routine for one month and concentrate on producing two more books which I wanted to self-publish in the beginning of 2018. Meanwhile I realized I’d need two more weeks so I suspended the routine until February 14.

This break helped me realize that although I enjoy photography a lot (and on several occasions called it my second passion, or second component of one passion - for creating), writing is undisputed number one for me right now and my gut feeling tells me that it will be this way for a long time.

But I might be wrong, and I won’t cry when it will stop being number one. I will move on to the next thing, because being entitled to something you already have and assuming that once it’ll be lost nothing like it will ever happen again in your life is a terrible assumption and can only bring misery to your life. As long as we live great things can happen to us. At least that’s my approach (assumption) and it is just as legitimate as saying (assuming) that nothing like it will ever happen to us (we don’t know the future). Probably because I was born an optimist. Couldn’t tell people how to switch between those mindsets. But one thing I’m sure of - we don’t know the future, so we can just as well assume that the future will be freaking fantastic.

This is how I work nowadays | 842tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b8d2d3db0d970c2018-01-26T16:07:12-05:002018-01-26T16:07:12-05:00[ 4 min read ] My Author Journey, Friday, January 26, 2018 # 842 (countdown) - Woke up 4:40 am. As I said before, though back then this was only my plan, I spend most of my time at home nowadays. At the moment I made this plan I had...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 4 min read ]

My Author Journey, Friday, January 26, 2018

# 842 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:40 am.

As I said before, though back then this was only my plan, I spend most of my time at home nowadays. At the moment I made this plan I had doubts whether I will be able to be as productive as in my favorite Starbucks store. Clearly I didn’t know how it will all work out.

But nevertheless I decided that I will try this new solution as I planned to publish two books in January this year and wanted to eliminate commute time so that I can use it to produce those books. Now I know that my second book of 2018 will be released in February — I realized that in order to release those two books in January I would have to stop producing new content for my blog and probably also disappear for the whole month from Instagram and Quora (or severely limit my activity in those places), which I didn’t want to do, so I settled for January and February as the time horizon in which my two new books will appear on Amazon. Trade-offs, we need to do them all the time (something needs to wait or be rejected so that something else can be done). That’s life.

Back in the days when I worked from my favorite Starbucks store I couldn’t even imagine that I could not go there each day (or almost each day), not sit at my usual table, not order the only coffee I drink there — a freshly brewed short black coffee, no sugar, no extra ingredients, and not spend there 5–6 hours (sometimes even more) writing. I was afraid that a different environment will make it impossible to work as efficiently. Something I feared each time when I thought of moving to a different Starbucks store (only to find out later that it was possible to work from this new place).

The things I feared the most before I started working from my apartment were the usual noises of adjacent households and yard. A vacuum cleaner moving around the floor and sucking air, a washing machine whirling, a coffee machine making coffee, a person preparing a meal for the whole family, a dog barking, then two dogs barking, then three, etc., a child calling for her mother, a mother calling for her child, a janitor mopping the stairs, disabled people collecting bags of recyclable trash, people locking and unlocking their doors an walking up and down the stairs, a doorbell ringing (could be a postman, or someone who only wants to deliver leaflets), a person shovelling snow (with a traditional snow shovel or a snow blower), a person de-icing car windscreens, a person starting a motorbike, a person mowing a loan, a person calling his dog, a person dropping something on the floor. On and on.

I don’t live in a house in which the walls are made of chipboard, usually all those sounds aren’t that bad and that much pain in the ass. It’s only when I work that I need to be cut off from the outside world entirely. And because those are the sounds of people doing their chores I find it extremely hard being able to ignore them and work. In other words, each such sound makes it extremely hard for me to write.

So I knew that I would need a special solution for this problem and I surprised myself how quickly I managed to find the right solution. Obviously I stick the earbuds into my ears and play music from spotify (only classic music nowadays), but that’s not the whole solution. I put on a hoodie so that I can put the hood on my head and block my vision (almost like a horse with blinkers) and additionally I close the door and roll down the blind in my room so that I don’t see the outside world. I know, like a f*cking monk in the Middle Ages copying books in a scriptorium. Weird, but it works perfectly.

I don’t even mention muting my phone. That’s the most important thing regardless of the place that I work from.

A different kind of mindset | 843tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b8d2d2d52b970c2018-01-23T20:13:49-05:002018-01-23T20:13:49-05:00[ 7 min read ] My Author Journey, Tuesday, January 23, 2018 # 843 (countdown) - Woke up 6:50 am. Today I visited the Gallery of Polish Design in the National Museum in Warsaw. I liked the Museum a lot (hard to believe, I’ve never been to this museum before)....Lukasz Laniecki

[ 7 min read ]

My Author Journey, Tuesday, January 23, 2018

# 843 (countdown)

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Woke up 6:50 am.

Today I visited the Gallery of Polish Design in the National Museum in Warsaw. I liked the Museum a lot (hard to believe, I’ve never been to this museum before). It’s huge and it made an impression on me. I plan to visit it again in the near future.

I have this weird feeling that I need to hurry up. That I can’t wait. That creating every single day and writing and publishing as much as I can is of the utmost importance. If I could I would probably write non stop. Or I wouldn’t. That’s just my vision of this alternative life and it might or might not happen. We can say what we would do if the circumstances of our lives were different, or if for example we could live without sleep. But that’s just our image of what might be. A fantasy. Basically a fiction. And yet we so often naively believe that everything would go according to this image.

So it is quite possible that even if I could, out of a sudden, miraculously have 10 more hours each day, I wouldn’t be able to write for more than say 10 hours per day. I guess it’s safer to say that I could never be able to write non stop, even if we agree that non stop doesn’t mean actually non-stop (I mean you need to eat, drink, take a shower, change clothes, go to the toilet, take a walk, or else your idea of working / writing non-stop would quickly become unfeasible with you being dead).

I guess it is this possibility that I could die any moment. If I did my work would stop and so many of my ideas and thoughts would never see the light of the day and because I believe what I do is important I fear that it wouldn’t be enough, that my contribution wouldn’t be big enough.

Is it my ego? Are my ideas and thoughts so important? Am I irreplaceable? If Alexander Graham Bell died before he invented the telephone, would nobody invent it, would nobody come up with the same idea? Would we still send letters? Or wait! Maybe we couldn’t even do that? Paper was also an invention of a certain human being (traditionally paper and papermaking process are inventions attributed to the court official Cai Lun), so what if he never walked this earth? And If Thomas Alva Edison didn’t develop a reliable lightbulb, would we still use candles, gas lights and oil lamps today?

They invented those things but what if they were never born?

Is it really so important that they invented it? Or that Einstein, Currie-Sklodowska, Tesla, and a number of other famous people made their discoveries? I doubt it. I doubt they were the only people on earth who could have accomplished those things. If they were never born there would be others.

I mean, think about it. If we assume that Alexander Graham Bell wouldn’t have raised his hand and said Look I discovered a telephone! (because he wouldn’t have existed) is it possible that nobody in the whole world would try to accomplish it? Before Alexander Graham Bell walked this earth a great number of inventors and explorers managed to push our race forward through their discoveries and inventions. And who were the first inventors and explorers? The caveman and the cavewoman. And if we realize that we all have curiosity and we want to learn more about the world, and we all want to make our lives easier, we can be rather certain that somebody else would do what Einstein, Currie-Sklodowska, Tesla, Bell, Edison, Newton did.

Why is it thus so important that I publish my ideas and thoughts (all of them). And why am I in such a rush? Why am I feeling and acting like I was racing against time? Why do I have this feeling that the humanity could miss something important should I die prematurely? Why unexpected (premature) death has become so much of a factor in my life? Is any death premature? Fidel Castro used to say that nobody dies before it is their time to die, and I think he was right about this.

One explanation is that I want it to be my legacy I’ll leave to my son. I don’t care about leaving money and material possessions to him — in my opinion that is not what parents should give their children when they’re alive and what they should leave to them after their death. The whole idea of leaving inheritance (especially to children) is flawed in my opinion. It definitely brings more evil than good.

The other explanation could be that I really think that this is it. That what I currently do, to me is what telephone was to Alexander Graham Bell, and what the theory of relativity was to Albert Einstein. That this is the greatest contribution I can offer other people. That this is something I was born for. And if that’s what I was born for I should do precisely that. I shouldn’t spend my time on other things, because that’s not the best use of my time here. Even If I could be replaced, if my thoughts, theories, and ideas (those I already published and those that are yet to be published, those that are in my head and those that are yet to be born) aren’t something only I can contribute, I nevertheless should dedicate my life to developing and sharing those thoughts, theories, and ideas with the world.

Should the fact that anything we can offer the world can potentially be offered by someone else stop us from giving it to the world? I think it shouldn’t stop us. We should nevertheless do everything in our power to make this contribution as big as possible, in this time that we have here.

I have this feeling that my contribution will never be complete. I imagine myself in 40 or 50 years still having new ideas, thoughts and theories that will be worth sharing with others, if only to offer them a different perspective, inspire them to look at the world using a different lens. And I can imagine that I will die having hundreds of unwritten articles, and dozens of unwritten or unpublished books. And that, having the mind and drive that I have, I could never see all my projects through. That, even if I could live 50 more years and be in good shape, my contribution would never be a done deed, because new thoughts, ideas and theories would continue to flood my head.

So it’s definitely futile to obsess over seeing all my projects through as I will never be able to accomplish it. But I doubt it will allow me to relax and reduce the number of hours I put in. Why? Because I like to put in those insane numbers of hours — I enjoy working a lot (that’s #1), and #2, even if I acknowledge the fact that my contribution will never be complete it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t make it as big as possible (I still feel this responsibility that comes with having this talent that I have).

It’s a different kind of mindset than most people have. I don’t think this ‘Spend more time with your family because this is the most important thing in your life’ kind of thinking is the right way to approach life. It is a yet another cliché in our nearly endless menu of clichés. I doubt whether it really is the best approach to life.

It’s an utterly selfish way to live a life, and it’s selfish in a bad way for you basically care only about satisfying your needs and the needs of your small clan, and overlook the potential contribution you could make for the whole mankind (and universe).

Of course, from the standpoint of passing down your genes it’s the only thing that matters. As human beings we’re so programmed that the most important thing we should care about is the offspring we produced and the clan we and our loved ones formed which should guarantee that as a group we will be better equipped to fulfil this all important mission. If each of those units (families) cares only about producing offspring and raising it there is almost a guarantee that the job will be done. But think where we would be as species if everybody would really only care about being there for their loved ones and working only in order to put food on the table.

We would still be hunter-gatherers. I’m not saying it would necessarily be a bad thing, but since we’re fascinated by progress, we should realize that no progress would ever be possible if all people cared mainly about spending time with their loved ones and putting food on their family’s table. In order to push our race forward (and I think there wouldn’t be many people who would be eager to bring that progress to a halt now) we need people who would think about their contribution to the whole mankind and not only about putting their loved ones first and food on their family’s table. And those who think differently are extremely hard to find because almost everybody in the society is repeating this cliché that our family is the most important thing in our lives (which causes us to overlook the rest of people, because we usually don’t think about all people as our big family).

I’ve found this collection of fantastic historical documentaries called PBS American Experience and I decided that I will watch them all. This led to my cancelling my paid subscription to Netflix as I won’t have time to watch it in a foreseeable future.

History fascinates me. I realized that I’m not only WWI and WWII freak recently as I initially thought. I like to learn about history in general. But I’m not into specific dates, names, events. Of course history is specific dates, names, events. That's what history is essentially. In history lessons we can learn what happened when, who married who, who led which armies to what battles, who defeated whom in which battle, who ruled when and who succeeded as a ruler after whose death. That’s history. And it’s still f*cking boring to me. I couldn’t care less what was the name of the guy or gal who ruled Austro-Hungarian Empire in the XIX century, who was the first Pope, or which battle was the longest or bloodiest in the history of all battles. Some people are fascinated that they can learn all those facts (sometimes those are “facts” not facts), but I’m not one of them.

I never thought that I would be interested in history, let alone that I will be so fascinated by it. And I can’t even tell people what exactly triggered this interest in me. My adoptive mom was a history teacher back when I was in kindergarten and elementary school, but she never taught me (my class) in school and she wasn’t on a mission to sell me on history as a subject. I mean sporadically she might have told me some interesting facts or “facts” from the history but I can’t even remember if she actually did that. And history was never my favorite subject. It was dull for the most part. Back in my school years I had this sense that all it revolved around were those super important dates, names, events, but what did I care what happened 500 years earlier? No wonder my son is wondering why they have to learn history in school.

Obviously I can rule out the possibility that I inherited some history freak gene from my adoptive mother, and I guess I can also rule out the possibility that she triggered that interest in me because history was a subject that was always discussed in our house. It wasn’t.

My adoptive father, on the other hand, was fascinated by old things - anything which was at least 50 years old he had to have it. In other words, he collected antiques. Of course he couldn’t have bought everything, but his collection was impressive nonetheless. To the point that I felt like I was living in a museum or art gallery. Could this be a reason I’m into art? Could be. I guess I can’t rule it out. Was this the mysterious link between me and history? Could be. I guess artists care about people, they want to show the human condition, way more than they care about the name of the first Pope or of the last ruler from certain dynasty.

And that’s precisely why I’m into history. I’m into history because I want to learn more about people and the world in general (how everything is connected, what leads to what, what are the indisputable laws, and what are the laws and rules that we invented), not because I need to know what happened when, who ruled when - I will never remember all those facts anyway. I have problem remembering what is the name of my son’s best friend’s dad. I never remember any names. You can introduce me to someone and there is a huge chance that five minutes later I will ask what was the name of that person. I don’t know, names almost mean nothing to me - I want to learn about the mindset of that person, this is important to me. Of course it’s easier to remember names of people I meet over and over, but that’s not some special feat, everybody knows what their parents' or children’s names are.

And I won’t go to Quora and ask people Is it to late to learn more about history at the age of 41? like so many people do. If that’s what I want to do I’m going to do it. I don’t want to know other people’s opinions whether or not I’m too old for this. I mean who are they to tell me this? F*cking Gods?

I don’t care if someone will laugh at me or conclude that I slept through elementary or high school, or that I’m an ignorant, or that my parents sucked since I don’t know the basic facts (must be because they didn’t send me to private school). Let me tell you something about those people. People who have time to gossip about me and ridicule me must have a lot of free time. And having a lot of free time is the best indicator if someone is really realizing his / her full potential. If they have a lot of free time it means they don’t work half as much as I do - I don’t have time to gossip and ridicule people who try to accomplish something in their lives.

I guess I like history so much because it let’s me find numerous flaws of our species. And knowing those flaws makes connecting the dots so much easier. And I f*cking love connecting the dots.

[ 4 min read ]

My Author Journey, Thursday, January 11, 2018

# 845 (countdown)

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Woke up 5:05 am.

I think most parents over-exaggerate the need to impress their children, satisfy all their needs (or wishes), or otherwise put them at ease. Actually I would say that they mistakenly assume that it is their job to impress their children or put them at ease.

In my late 30s I chose to quit the legal profession in favor of doing things nobody would even suspect I would be doing. I became an artist who writes (mainly) but who also has this need to try other forms of expression, and it is a shock to many people. Some of them probably think I’m crazy, that I went mad, that my brain has been damaged, or that I have some genetic flaw, or that I let someone from the self-help industry brainwash me.

I’m this weird character in their otherwise orderly world.

Now, it’s quite possible that I will become this weird character to my son too. I wish it never happened, but this is something I can’t rule out entirely.

He is under the influence of other people, most of whom are “normal” (have normal jobs, don’t freak out, don’t “embarrass" other members of their families with their weird ideas, think the way most people think, believe what most people believe). That’s probably somewhere around 95% of people he meets each day. And he is a young boy on the brink of becoming a teenager. And when you are a teenager you want to be like your peers. You don’t want to be different when you are a teenager.

You don’t want to be like your parents (who by the way desperately want you to be like them - most of them), but it doesn’t mean you would fancy being an outsider. You want to belong to this group of people who are your age and you desperately want to demonstrate to your parents that you are not like them (your parents). It should be pretty obvious that as a teenager you’re not like your parents, but because there is this strong desire on the part of most parents to mold their children so that they resemble them (behave like them, believe what they believe, etc.), and because parents generally assume that they have the right to demand obedience and that everything their children do should be approved and understood by them (that in a family all members should speak the same language and behave according to family standards), teenagers often need to show their parents that they don’t have to be like them.

Nevertheless 95% of their peers have “normal” parents and if you want to be among this 5% of weirdos (which means that you want to behave differently) your child might not like that idea. Why? Because your child wants to be like his peers and inevitably most of his peers’ parents are so called “normal” parents, not weirdos. So if you are weirdo you may find yourself in a situation where your child will think that you suck because all his peers have “normal” parents and you are a weirdo, so in a sense you create a predicament for your teenage child. And if you don’t want to upset this young adult you should stop being a weirdo.

But we don’t owe it to our children to predicate our life choices on whether they will feel comfortable with them or not. We are free to do whatever the heck we want and if that’s makes them uneasy they should ponder why is that. That’s of course if they don’t want parents who in one year, two years, or five years will demand that they (the young adults) predicate their life choices on whether we (the parents) will feel comfortable with them or not.

Music for this writing session: various tracks from the playlist Best Piano Music (on Spotify).

On buying time | 846tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b7c9440e9f970b2018-01-10T13:31:18-05:002018-01-11T04:26:16-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Wednesday, January 10, 2018 # 846 (countdown) - Woke up 4:20 am. During war the countries or the sides involved sometimes find themselves in a situation when they need time to organise themselves. They lost too many soldiers, machines, weapons and other...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 5 min read ]

My Author Journey, Wednesday, January 10, 2018

# 846 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:20 am.

During war the countries or the sides involved sometimes find themselves in a situation when they need time to organise themselves. They lost too many soldiers, machines, weapons and other resources and unless they have time to rebuild their army they’ll not be able to fight. Or they want to enter the war but their army isn’t ready (the case of America during WWI). Of course they can engage in next battles but they are well aware of the fact they will not be able to win - the enemy is simply too big/ too strong for them. They will perish if they don’t have the time to gather more troops and prepare and equip those to fight. They're in a position when they need to buy time.

How do you buy time?

For example you plot with your allies that you (whatever is left from your army) and they will attack the enemy on other fronts and force him to concentrate a significant part of his army on that front. If you and your allies can manage to engage the enemy in a battle for long enough, say a month, three months, or maybe even half a year, you’ll have the time necessary to rebuild your army which will allow you to send the enemy back to where he came from (or to hell, anyway away from your country). And if you and all your allies will be able to achieve this goal the war will be won by you.

When do you plot to buy time? In other words, when does it pay to buy time?

It pays to buy time (and make an even bigger sacrifice) when you believe that you can win that war. When you are overwhelmed and hopeless surrendering to your enemy is usually a wiser option. When you are overwhelmed and hopeless, buying time will only prolong your agony. Anything you will decide to throw at your enemy will be wasted. All resources and people’s effort to produce those resources would be wasted. It would probably be a better idea to sell those machines, guns, clothes and other resources to your allies, before the enemy will seize it and use it in his attempt to crash them too.

I've just realized that I also need to buy time. Actually that’s what I’m doing already. I have this strong belief (conviction) that I will one day be able to live off my writing and other creative pursuits. Who knows, maybe even live comfortably off it. I know that this is something I’m best at (this is my best contribution to the world) and should I continue down this path I will only be better. That’s why I think buying time makes sense in my case.

In late spring last year I self-published my first book. Then I added three more books, so to date I have a total of four books on Amazon. At least as many will appear on Amazon this year. Actually I plan to self-publish at least six more books this year. Ideas for more books continue to flood my head. In 2016 and 2017 I did a lot of writing and I continue to write every single day (several hundred words a day).

I remember what Seth Godin said in his book Linchpin

I've produced more than a hundred books (most didn't sell very well), but if I hadn't, I'd never have had the chance to write this one. Picasso painted more than a thousand paintings, and you can probably name three of them.

I’m at my fifth book which sounds unimpressive when compared to SethGodin’s number. But, knowing how much I enjoy writing, I’ll probably end up having more than 100 books under my belt too. But of course, it’s not about how much books you can produce. It’s do you have anything interesting to say on those pages. Seth always had something interesting to say. I believe I will have, too.

How am I buying time?

Currently I'm buying time by selling online unused and unneeded things which piled up throughout years in our apartment. Things which only gather dust. If I can sell something each day we’ll be fine for two or three months (taking into account that my wife has a steady pay check). I almost hear this voice in my head asking me What is steady in this world, you fool? Of course it’s a myth that we can have a steady pay check. I mean it might happen that this steady pay check (we call it steady because it’s been steady for quite a while) can be gone very quickly. Many unfortunate events may lead to this. So there is this history of it being steady, which doesn’t mean it will be guaranteed in the future. We fool ourselves that those things are steady, but it’s foolish to assume that something will last based on what was true in the past.

Anyway, having this pile of unused crap which I can sell now (and which we didn’t touch for months or even years, and nobody would even bother to think that it might generate income) is an advantage. No question about it. Thanks to this pile of crap I can concentrate on publishing new books, which no doubt will bring me several steps closer to my goal. Even if I won’t be able to make decent money off my books this year (and this is something I need to factor in - maybe I’ll need 30 or 50 books for it to happen) I will use this time (those two, maybe three months) as best as I can, being the most productive human being I know.

And what if I’ll have nothing else to sell? After all the number of unused items that piled up in our houses is finite. I’ll have to think of other ways to earn some money. I like the idea of selling other people’s unused crap — those who will not do it themselves and who wouldn’t mind having someone else doing it for them (I elaborated on this “business idea" in one of my previous entries), as it would allow me to stay out of day job, and day job would mean that I would have significantly less time to do my thing, and the money I’d get would never compensate me for this huge loss of time.

Music for this writing session: various tracks from the playlist Best Piano Music (on Spotify).

Those weird thoughts. Part 2 | 847tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09e71594970d2018-01-09T14:04:38-05:002018-01-09T14:04:38-05:00[ 5 min read ] My Author Journey, Monday, January 8, 2018 # 848 (countdown) - Woke up 5:10 am. Yesterday I wrote that I have those weird thoughts by which I’m haunted now that I’m no longer a lawyer and am doing weird things I never studied for. In...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 5 min read ]

My Author Journey, Monday, January 8, 2018

# 848 (countdown)

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Woke up 5:10 am.

Yesterday I wrote that I have those weird thoughts by which I’m haunted now that I’m no longer a lawyer and am doing weird things I never studied for. In my audaciousness I dare to call myself this or that (depending on what I take on as a new pursuit), and yet the only thing that I studied was law (5 years of law school + 3,5 years of additional studies to become an attorney), and negotiation and mediation collectively referred to as alternative dispute resolution (1 year).

I stopped being a lawyer which is unthinkable to most people, but what's even more unthinkable to them (more unsettling to their orderly minds), and what worries them (or maybe I should say, what they don’t feel comfortable with) is the fact that I refuse to acquire a new label. I didn’t go back to school or college to acquire a certain new label for myself which from now on should stick with me. Don’t we all know that one can only do certain, clearly defined jobs?

I didn’t acquire a new label. Anyone wanting to create a business card for me or even introduce me to people would have a serious dilemma.

What if this idea of being this or that (having a certain label) is flawed?

What if we didn’t attach those labels to ourselves and call the things we studied in schools “our fields"? Wouldn’t it be a lot easier for us to switch to something else?

What sense does it make to call myself a lawyer if I’m 24, fresh out of law school? What if I’ll die the next day and will never get the chance to work even a single second as a lawyer? And yet that’s precisely what I’ve just become - a lawyer. And from now on everybody else also knows that I’m a lawyer. Will I end up being (working as) a judge, a prosecutor, or an attorney? is a different question, and in the future. Now, in this vital moment in my life when I'm proudly holding my law school diploma in my hand one thing is clear to me and the rest of the universe - I’m a lawyer.

I acquired this label for myself, can print out business cards and people will have no problem introducing me to other people “This is my friend Lukasz. Lukasz is a lawyer”. A guarantee that everyone will be pleased to see that the world works the way it should. Everything is how it’s supposed to be, people are pigeonholed - nothing unsettling about this situation, we expect it to be this way).

Now, if I worked my entire life as a lawyer (even in my 80s and 90s I did something which was related to this field, in other words I dedicated my entire life to being a lawyer) then I would agree that calling myself a lawyer made sense.

Of course, it’s hard to imagine our society without those labels. Where would we go if we needed a legal advice? It’s much easier this way - with those labels. But that we as a society invented those labels (so that navigating in this society isn’t that much pain in the ass) is something none of us can deny.

Those labels are our invention. And if so we are not obliged to wear those labels. We will feel the pressure to acquire them and tell other people who the heck we are. No doubt. But it doesn't mean we absolutely need to wear those. We have a choice.

But wearing those labels by and of itself wouldn’t be that much of a problem. If I go to war for a year and my job is to fight I’m a soldier, that’s obvious, and it helps as I will not assume that I’m there to catch butterflies. But once the war is over I’m not a soldier anymore.

Something else is a problem - thinking that since people graduated from this school or that school they should stick to those careers / fields, and equally (but in reverse) that those who didn’t study a certain subject in their late teenage years / early 20s (didn’t go to school or college and didn’t get their diploma in this field) can’t or shouldn’t touch those things. And the conviction of most people is that trying to be something you’re not (entering a new, unrelated field), especially if you’ve already reached the magic age of 25, is immature, and a sign of a wishful thinking at best, and ludicrous, and a sign of lunacy at worst.

And that’s the point I’m trying to make here.

We think we’re married to those labels we acquire as young adults. We’re not. We can wear them for 5 or 10 years, and after that we can do something else. And what’s even more important, we can study for four long years to acquire those labels for ourselves, but it doesn’t mean that once we got this diploma we’re sentenced to this career for life. And many young people have problem with that.

[ 6 min read ]

My Author Journey, Monday, January 8, 2018

# 848 (countdown)

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Woke up 7:10 am (went to bed 2:00 am).

Spent several hours this weekend designing the covers for my two subsequent books. Graphic design was always something that I liked to tried myself in. Many people told me they like my projects, including my son.

I believe it to be an extension of my work as an artist.

Apart from looking at other projects (logos, typography, elements of interior design, elements of visual identity, branding) I never took any lessons in graphic design. As a lawyer I had a colleague (also a young lawyer) who did great designs (people liked his work) and who earned some money taking commissions here and there. He also did several designs for me (websites, logos, etc.) and I was always eager to pay for his work because I loved what he did. No doubt he knew more about design than I, so it was also a chance for me to learn something from him.

Oftentimes I encouraged him to consider focusing solely on graphic design (because of his apparent talent for it) but he wasn’t so sure about that. Law was something he spent a lot of time and energy on, it also seemed more profitable to him in a long run, and something that would offer him a greater security and stability in the short run.

Funny how we all tend to blindly and entirely trust all those stereotypical images of certain professions and never factor in that apart from the general condition of a certain profession and the prospects it offers according to the general belief within the society (something almost all parents and their adult children take into consideration without fail when those young adults in their late teenage years pick those “practical” traditional or potentially in demand careers, which from this moment on they will treat as “their” careers, something they should do until retirement) there's also such things as passion - love of the craft and thus also of the process, being able to try new things, being able to make changes, hence all potential and unexpected pivots, unexpected blends of several different interests (intersections), and all the other factors which may influence our behavior and affect the shape of our future career and render us victorious so to speak.

Anyway, this is more or less all I know about graphic design. I know something about colors and their meaning to most people.

Of course when I make cover designs for my books I also look at other cover designs of non-fiction books (of books that were published and are available on Amazon and in other online bookstores), study them, and try to figure out what it is that I like about them and which are the crappy designs in my opinion.

There are many crappy designs out there, even the bestsellers or books which are critically acclaimed have poor book cover design - I see them as crappy, I don’t like them and those are designs which would discourage me from buying the book unless I knew the author and was sure that he or she has something valuable to say regardless of this crappy book cover design. When I know the author and am sure that this person writes good content I don’t even look at the cover (unless I really love it) - I don’t want this poor book cover design to stop me from reading something I might enjoy and which may be of great value to me.

I can understand my colleague, probably one of the best graphic designers among lawyers. I too have those weird thoughts that I shouldn’t be doing it. That now after I had studied to be a lawyer and almost became an attorney and acquired this label for myself I shouldn’t touch all those other things. Like I’m not supposed to.

I think most of us have those thoughts and doubts. We’ve been brainwashed to believe that we need to pick something “practical” as young adults and stick to it. That what we pick as young adults will be our job until retirement. That we have only this short time window in our late teenage years / early 20s to make those all-important decisions and to learn (and if you want to learn you absolutely need to go to college) and those who will sleep through their late teenage years / early 20s will be left behind. That later we will have our families and it will be impossible.

All those damn clichés! Statements almost all people repeat without pondering them, which then become their beliefs and prevent them from even trying. Those f*cking clichés are our greatest enemies. They have the power to shape our beliefs (what is and what isn’t possible in life) and in reality they do shape them. And those are usually debilitating beliefs - limitations.

That’s why we see all those questions on Quora, I’ve spent four years of my career in a field that I absolutely have no interest in. Is it too late to switch careers now? and the like. Tens, probably even hundreds of them each day, only I don’t see all of them (it’s impossible - there are too many new questions each day on Quora).

And those who dare to transition to something else, who don’t want to be pigeonholed for the rest of their lives, like myself, have those weird thoughts that they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Because they see all those people who do it “the right way”. How do we know it’s the right way? We’ve been instructed by our parents and teachers that this is the tried and true method, that all ambitious young people from so called good or normal homes (consisting of reasonable and responsible people) do it this way. That trying out other methods is too risky. And we conclude that this must be the right way. This sucks!

On wishful thinking and patriotism | 849tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b8d2cd0a73970c2018-01-05T17:14:12-05:002018-01-05T17:14:12-05:00[ 7 min read ] My Author Journey, Friday, January 5, 2018 # 849 (countdown) - Woke up 5:15 am. In the last days of December we returned to Warsaw and I finished editing my third book The 27 Biggest Myths About Passion and managed to publish it, as planned,...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 7 min read ]

My Author Journey, Friday, January 5, 2018

# 849 (countdown)

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Woke up 5:15 am.

In the last days of December we returned to Warsaw and I finished editing my third book The 27 Biggest Myths About Passion and managed to publish it, as planned, on the last day of December.

Meanwhile I watched lots of documentaries on WWI and WWII. I don’t know why I suddenly became this WWI and WWII freak. I think it was after I had watched the documentary Five Came Back (I wrote about it in one of my previous diary entries) and after I spent two months studying Robert Capa’s photos (many of which are war photos). We can learn a lot about the human race by watching those photos - the look in people’s eyes when they run for shelter when air raid alarm went off, the expression on their faces when they found out that the war was over, or when they’re forced to flee their homes, or the devastation in the eyes of soldiers who lost their battles and were taken prisoners or who look at the bodies of those who were killed.

I have many questions. Apart from the obvious function of war and other armed conflicts (to have more power, dominate, retaliate, defend), are there any other, hidden, less obvious functions (and if yes, what are they)? In other words, what is it that the war brings to the world (besides destruction, terror, horror, death, atrocities, trauma, starvation, new world order, etc.)? The economy is different before, during and after war, but that’s also rather obvious thing. War is known to have huge effect on the economy. But are there other things which happen because of wars that probably wouldn’t have happened otherwise?

For those who survived (and for the posterity) war is a superb chance to learn a lot about the human race. Wars show us many different faces of humanity.

And the next question. What is and what isn’t human? Which behavior is inhuman?

Isn’t everything members of our race ever did, human? Isn’t calling the atrocities some of us are capable of in the face of war inhuman a wishful thinking on our part?

And another question. Who should decide what is and what isn’t human (or what is inhuman)?

We? Are you kidding me? With this biased thinking we all are capable of? With this tendency to build narratives in our heads which serve one purpose - make us feel better about ourselves?

As a matter of fact we defined humanity, and we also invented and use the words ‘human’ and ‘inhuman'. And I think what we did was, again, nothing but a wishful thinking.

I mean, we can go on and try to fool ourselves saying that this or that behavior is inhuman. That killing an innocent baby by an American soldier during the war in Vietnam by cutting his throat was inhuman, or that raping German women by Red Army soldiers during WWII was inhuman, or that killing millions of innocent people (mainly Jews) by Nazis during WWII was inhuman.

But who did those terrible things? Aliens that visited the earth and decided to play war games? Members of a different species which inhabit the earth (non-homo sapiens)?

Or we, human beings (members of the species homo sapiens)?

So I think it is a wishful thinking to assume that something members of our species ever did was inhuman. We strive to portray ourselves as this superior species with special characteristics, best among all living creatures. Better than wild animals (members of any other species) who can ruthlessly kill other animals. We can think better than members of any other species. We can talk and communicate better than members of any other species. We can empathize better than members of any other species.

But we often forget to mention (because we don’t want to) that we can kill better than members of any other species, and what differentiates us from members of other species, we usually kill because someone sold us on some ideal, a scenario unheard of in other species, which means that our habit of comparing people who did awful things to animals is actually an insult to all other animals who never plot and persuade or force members of their clan to invade other creatures (and ruthlessly kill even those who aren’t a threat - babies) because they have some ideal, or because they feel entitled to some part of our planet (part of a pale blue dot in the whole universe - I love it how Carl Sagan called our planet! couldn’t have said it better).

Wars (the history of waging war against a common enemy) also helps unite people and gives them the identity. Were it not for their long history of armed conflicts, their victories, or heroic feats, patriotism wouldn’t exist (or we would need to invent something akin to it). The core values of patriotism are identity, self-determination and solidarity. It’d be impossible to unite people around those values if we had no history of wars.

Without identity and solidarity who of us would care that a person who lives in the same country, but miles away, and whom we never met or even heard of before won this or that tournament, competition, olympic medal, etc.? We would be indifferent to this, like other animals.

Recently I listen exclusively to classical music when I write. I like Franz Liszt's music. Lang Lang and Evgeny Kissin are my favorite pianists. By the way, a lot of beautiful music and poetry and other art forms are inspired by war.

I decided that in January I will not shoot photos. I have other plans. I will publish two books (hopefully) in January alone, will still write new content each day, and each day I will spend dedicate a portion of my time to selling things through platforms like ebay (old items we neither use nor need).

Music for this writing session: Franz Liszt (various tracks on Spotify).

I like this photo

More thoughts on Christmas (having vs. not having them) | 850tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b7c9409e07970b2017-12-29T05:57:23-05:002017-12-29T05:57:23-05:00[ 7 min read ] My Author Journey, Friday, December 29, 2017 # 850 (countdown) - Woke up 6:20 am. More thoughts on Christmas (having vs. not having them). Why not, right? Enough of this mindless going through the same things each year without stopping to ponder them. I’m of...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 7 min read ]

My Author Journey, Friday, December 29, 2017

# 850 (countdown)

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Woke up 6:20 am.

More thoughts on Christmas (having vs. not having them). Why not, right? Enough of this mindless going through the same things each year without stopping to ponder them.

I’m of the opinion that for most people not having Christmas (and New Year's Eve, Easter, and other occasions when they don’t have to work, but can meet with members of their families, and friends - generally likeminded people, and commiserate with them, share familiar stories, or complain about the unfairness of life, or bitch about the government and other things, and exchange best wishes) would be a serious loss. It would be a loss that could lead to them having some sort of a mental breakdown.

Even if they’re “not particularly religious”. So many people call themselves “not particularly religious” nowadays, but does it make any sense to call yourself that? I think you are either religious or not, but those people don’t want to upset their parents and families, so they figured that they will call themselves “not particularly religious” - it will allow them to pick the religious obligations and traditions they like (like Christmas for example), and skip the rest, and they will still kinda adhere to the same belief their parents do, so the parents will not freak out.

By the way, I thought about those best wishes - we repeatedly wish people good health and good fortune and it’s kinda nice, but what value does it represent, really? Usually we know who wishes us well and who doesn’t anyway, and best wishes on Christmas Day is not how we figure it out. We conclude that from people’s behavior.

Those best wishes we receive and offer have no magical power of giving people what they want and need (if only it was that easy). I think telling them about some book that could actually bring them closer to those things would be a better use of everyone’s time. I bet most people don’t like those tired cliché best wishes anyway, especially if they have a large family and meet on Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve. I mean, how many times can you hear the same cliché statements? But I bet most people don’t think about it and kinda believe the kind words they offer others might actually miraculously help someone (so it’s better to stick to that tradition).

I think those several occasions interspersed throughout a year and the tradition of meeting and talking with likeminded people on those occasions, as well as exchanging best wishes serve a special purpose. It’s what helps people cope. They are a promise that despite their day-to-day they bitch about most of the time there is something else they can count on, something that will happen each year no matter what, cheer them up a little bit and give them strength to carry on in more or less the same fashion (complaining that life / the reality isn’t what they wish it was).

It’s like most people need those occasions when they will be able to sit with others, talk to them and see that they’re not alone with their problems, that not only they have assholes at work for example, or that not only they feel that their lives lack purpose. We're in it together. Lives of people can’t be any different, but we will always be able to find likeminded people (who abide by the same traditions and have similar beliefs) whom we will be able to commiserate with, goes the thinking of most people.

Yes, most people need something that will help them cope with their lives, their shitty day-to-day, as they’ve been brainwashed to believe that life is just the way it is and that normally people are doomed to have a job / career which they will want and need breaks from in order to recharge their batteries and reset.

They don’t realize that maybe they should think about changing their job / career so that they don’t desperately need those breaks. They assume that those breaks guaranteed by law and other breaks interspersed throughout a year, like Christmas for example, plus retirement, are the answer - a scheme that makes it possible for people to go through their lives when it’s so hard.

They have this bullshit belief, this mindset that work is this part of your life you unfortunately won’t be able to enjoy (only few very lucky types can really enjoy what they do professionally), and that most people won’t be able to find purpose in their lives, so you need something that will soothe this pain of existence.

Occasions like Christmas are perfect for that. You will hear people talk in the same language. Experienced adults (people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond) know what kind of problems occur when in the course of a “normal" person’s life, so they are able to accurately predict them, and, of course they have an advice for younger people on how to address those problems (they’ve been through it and now others will go through the same). Almost nobody factors in that someone could make a different choice or develop a different mindset and their advice would be worthless.

“Normally” what you need when you’re not fully satisfied with your life is not a different job / career (don’t we all know the only time to pick one was in your late teenage years / early 20s?), or a different partner, or a change of your habits, but the newest TV set, fancy newest car, pretty house, winter break, summer break, weekends, public holidays, religious holidays, and all kinds of secular holidays (anything which provides an excuse to meet and commiserate with others, instead of working or really pondering your moves / life choices). That’s the “normal” way you approach problems in your life, the most common approach (the path of least resistance).

As to religious holidays, even nonbelievers or people who call themselves believers, but are actually only “believers” (those “not particularly religious”) will gladly take a day or a couple of days off in order to celebrate something (have a good excuse not to show up at work, and not to work) and meet and talk with their family and friends about life they all know so well.

So on those occasions people who lived longer will tell younger people what awaits them. Whether they like it or not they will end up being like those older people, behaving like them and believing what they believe. They somehow assume it has to be this way for everyone. That we as people are doomed to follow the flock. That herd mentality is unavoidable. And it’s unavoidable if we never ponder our actions and our behavior.

A word about people who call themselves believers, but are actually only “believers”. Those are people who have been raised in their parents’ religion, their parents dragged them to church each Sunday for example, but now they have other, more interesting things to do on Sunday, so you’ll see them in church twice a year, maybe three times - on Christmas, on January 1st, on Easter (when everybody is watching), they don’t pray, they stopped observing most of the rules and commandments this religion imposes on its followers, they don’t really care if there is God or not, they only call themselves believers and pretend to be believers in order not to upset their parents / entire families, or to avoid scornful looks of their family members, being called a black sheep of the family and on everyone’s lips (most of them are doing it not even realizing they’re doing it - they’ve been taught that they shouldn’t disappoint their parents and other members of their families by being different so they’d better do and believe what those folks do and believe - they won’t have any reason to be pissed and we will be one clan).

Just a couple of thoughts (and several hundred words). My theory. I’m not saying it’s the truth. Just my thoughts. Maybe some of it is truth?

Glad Christmas is coming to an end. I don’t need it, but come December next year it’ll be back and dominate, whether I like it or not. | 851tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01b8d2ca5099970c2017-12-26T16:26:00-05:002017-12-26T16:26:00-05:00[ 6 min read ] My Author Journey, Tuesday, December 26, 2017 # 851 (countdown) - Woke up 4:40 am. Fourth day of our stay in Istebna. On Sunday I didn’t take any photos, but yesterday I did and I like them a lot. I shall provide the village of...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 6 min read ]

My Author Journey, Tuesday, December 26, 2017

# 851 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:40 am.

Fourth day of our stay in Istebna. On Sunday I didn’t take any photos, but yesterday I did and I like them a lot. I shall provide the village of Istebna with a link to my photos and let them use those if they like. Would be nice if they did, but I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t either.

I wouldn’t mind if there was no Christmas. I’m not the least baffled by its widespread success. So many people abide by this tradition whether they're believers or not, whether they know what it’s about or not.

Having those extra few days off certainly is enough of a reason for most people to like it. Getting presents and the chance to give presents also contributes to this appeal Christmas has. Having an excuse to call our relatives and high school peers and / or try to reconcile with people we’re not on good terms with is another reason Christmas sells well. It is this magical time when all people love each other. You can send greetings to people you normally don’t care about, inquire about their lives only to forget they exist for the whole coming year.

Yes, Christmas is magical. From childhood we hear what you’re not supposed to feel and do on Christmas. For example on Christmas you shouldn’t be pissed with people. You can be pissed with them 360 days in a year, but not on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and generally near the end of December when this tradition is most commonly observed. Most people know that in order not to offend the tradition and not to spoil Christmas for other members of their families (and strangers too) they need to pretend they’re nice and easygoing. Life gets easier each year as the end of December is close. Of course, there are still assholes who seem not to get what Christmas is about and they will spoil this magical time anyway.

Not only I call myself a nonbeliever, I also actually don’t believe in God, and, which is a natural consequence of it, I don’t go to church, I don’t pray, I don’t live by those rules and commandments (I have my own commandments and they suffice). Nonetheless some people would like to still see me as a believer and they have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’m not (I have this weird feeling that those people in our families actually don’t believe that the people who they know were raised as believers, don’t believe - but that’s their problem and if that’s what they want to occupy their minds with I’ll let them do that).

Christmas serves as an excuse to be nice to people. We need an excuse for that. It’s similar to starting good habits and eliminating bad habits. Most people wait for New Year’s Eve in order to be able to do that, make their New Year resolutions (and most will not stick to those resolutions).

We need death of a close family member to be reminded of our mortality and of things that we should care about in life. When everything goes fine (all members of the clan in good health), most parents will try to realize their own egotistic needs when raising their children (have a peace of mind and something to brag about, or at least not have things they would need to be embarrassed about) and care little about the things those young people really want and need. Under the guise of parental love and special caring for their offspring’s wellbeing parents’ needs usually take precedence over children’s needs (and almost always parents have no idea what is really happening - they don’t realize how all of it is about them). But when the child is seriously sick parents wake up so to speak, and they forget about their needs or the needs of the whole family - the child's needs are what really matters.

Would it be possible for me not to have Christmas? I guess I would have no problem with that. I don’t need the magic of it for anything. I don’t need days off, presents underneath a Christmas tree (I don’t need a Christmas tree and other Christmas decor in the first place) - I can invent a different excuse to give presents to my son and other people, and not having Christmas they would also invent some reason to give me presents (maybe giving and receiving presents is better when you least expect it? I think it is), I don’t need to overeat for three days in a row, and I prefer to be a decent human being 365 days in a year, which means that I don’t need an excuse to reconcile with people I genuinely care about. I don’t need the magic of Christmas to force me into something I wouldn’t otherwise do. And if I never stay in touch with someone what’s the point pretending on Christmas Day that we are one clan?

But other people might have a problem that I don’t celebrate it. Should I care about their feelings being hurt? I wouldn’t do anything that in its essence would be bad. But to them it would mean that I’m not one of them. They might even think that by not celebrating Christmas I offended them and their tradition. Does it mean they would be right? Or maybe it would mean that they lack tolerance and want everything to be how it’s always been? Maybe it also means that not having Christmas would scare the hell out of them as the harmony would be disrupted (that’s certainly true for those for whom Christmas is merely a longstanding tradition and nothing more, they were raised in this tradition and that’s what should be part of their lives, otherwise they’d get uneasy).

But there is also a different problem, challenge actually. Christmas is part of pop culture. It’s everywhere. You will be part of this Christmas tradition (craze) whether you like it or not. It’s in every store, in malls, restaurants, cafés, hotels, schools, gas stations, you name it. It almost feels weird if you are not part of it. Everyone else is part of it. Everyone else is waiting for it. Everyone else talks about it. Songs about Christmas, movies about Christmas, books about Christmas, plays about Christmas, commercials about Christmas. Christmas dominates our lives November through December. Wonder if there are any places in Warsaw (or other big city in Europe), like hotels, restaurants, cafés, where I could go and not feel the magic of Christmas. If not, the choice we have is between being participants and living in a cave in December and part of November.

The mindset of a successful vs. an unsuccessful creative | 852tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a01bb09358d5e970d01bb09e2a0b3970d2017-12-24T06:19:58-05:002017-12-26T14:53:34-05:00[ 7 min read ] My Author Journey, Sunday morning, December 24, 2017 # 852 (countdown) - Woke up 4:40 am. On Thursday and Friday I didn’t take any photos. On Thursday we were preparing to leave for Christmas so there was not enough time to shoot photos (but I...Lukasz Laniecki

[ 7 min read ]

My Author Journey, Sunday morning, December 24, 2017

# 852 (countdown)

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Woke up 4:40 am.

On Thursday and Friday I didn’t take any photos. On Thursday we were preparing to leave for Christmas so there was not enough time to shoot photos (but I did my writing). We won’t be spending Christmas in Warsaw this year. We packed and on Friday morning drove to the south of Poland, Istebna, for a few days. Yesterday my son and wife went skiing and I took a walk and shot some photos of this place.

Found out that shooting photos is more exciting to me than snowboarding. I used to ride a snowboard (kinda enjoying it too, but I didn’t go crazy for it). Had some bad looking accidents in the past and took it as a sign that maybe I should quit doing it. It’s not something I have to do. I don’t love it, only like it, so knowing that I might get some serious injury I decided that I won’t be doing it anymore. At least in foreseeable future. Besides this kind of activity is not free (quite the opposite - it is a costly hobby), so I’m definitely out. As I don’t make as much money as I used to I need to live frugally.

I liked this first photo session in Istebna. So different than the ones I have in Warsaw almost daily. Forest was great to shoot, but I guess this is one of those places where a better camera would make all the difference (especially on a day like this (clouds everywhere, snowy day). But, what the heck, I shot anyway. Found out that I like those photo sessions when I can shoot nature a lot. Walking in a forest (and off road) is quite an exercise (very soon I wasn’t cold at all which felt good). Wondered if there are some obese photographers in this world - from my experience it’s hard to imagine, if you shoot daily, that is (otherwise are you a photographer?).

There was this great moment in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s (I guess it was missing in Truman Capote’s book with the same title):

In Breakfast at Tiffany's Paul Varjak introduced himself to Holly Golightly as probably a writer (“I'm a writer, I guess”). There is doubt in him. He doesn’t know whether he can call himself a writer. He knows that he doesn’t show up every day, therefore telling people he’s a writer doesn't make sense, even to him.

If he wrote every day he would be a writer, period. His opinion about it wouldn’t matter. He would be a writer regardless of his opinion.

Calling yourself a writer / filmmaker / photographer doesn’t make you one. Doing what a writer / filmmaker / photographer does every single day does.

So, back to my thought, it’s a good hobby (passion) for those who struggle with being overweight (luckily I never had this problem).

On Thursday I listened to the book Linchpin by Seth Godin (this is something I do when I have my almost daily 25 min. workout in the morning). Seth said something that was very important and inspirational (of course he does that daily but it was something that caught my attention that morning). He said

I've produced more than a hundred books (most didn't sell very well), but if I hadn't, I'd never have had the chance to write this one. Picasso painted more than a thousand paintings, and you can probably name three of them.

I’m at my fourth book which sounds unimpressive when compared to Seth Godin’s number. But, knowing how much I enjoy writing, I’ll probably end up having more than 100 under my belt too. But of course, it’s not about how much books you can produce. It’s do you have anything interesting to say on those pages. Seth always had something interesting to say. I believe I will have, too.

Something else is more important in this quote however. I've produced more than a hundred books (most didn't sell very well), but if I hadn't, I'd never have had the chance to write this one. Picasso painted more than a thousand paintings, and you can probably name three of them.

It’s something I said at least once in the past (in my writing). It’s impossible to produce masterpiece after masterpiece after masterpiece. Nobody can do it. But if you painted one thousand paintings some of them will kick ass (same with photos, music, songs, drawings, books, films, etc. - anything you create).

Of course, with books it’s a little bit different - I don’t know if it’s possible to produce a thousand books in one’s lifetime (maybe, if they’re short books - 5,000 words, something like that). With writing it’s the number of words you write that writers count - 500 a day equals 182,500 in a year, equals 5,475,000 in 30 years of writing, and if you have a very long career as a writer (like Carmen Herrera in painting) it’s 10,950,000 words in 60 years. That’s 2,190 short books (5,000 words), or 1,095 books which are double the size (10,000 words). Of course, a book can have even less than 5,000 words, so we can imagine that the number might be even higher, but I’d say 5,000 is already a low number of words for a book. So it might be doable, but we should not forget that writing those words doesn’t equal having a book - production always takes extra time.

But the punchline is the following. You can’t expect all of it to be great and commercial success, and that all people will applaud you each time you put something out. It won’t happen.

You can’t (shouldn’t) quit only because your first 5 or 10 books didn’t sell well.

There is a scene in the movie The Fundamentals of Caring when Jodi (the main character - a disabled teenager) asks his caregiver Paul (the second main character - a retired writer):

Jodi: You never told me what you did before you got into the ass-wiping business.

Paul: I was a writer.

Jodi: No, you weren't. Really?

Paul: Yeah. I wrote a couple of novels you've never heard of.

Paul quit being a writer because of his personal tragedy (so it was probably a change he needed), but his approach to being a writer (a creative for that matter) was wrong. He hoped that writing a couple of novels should be enough to put him on the map, and was embarrassed that it didn’t happen.

With this mindset I bet he hoped that his first novel should put him on the map. And the truth is that there is one J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter) or Andy Weir (The Martian) for every couple thousand writers whose first book (books) won’t sell well (won’t sell at all). Thus people who hope that they will be big after writing their first book (couple of books), people who feel entitled to this kind of outcome have no prayer. It’s like starting a blog or your social media presence and hoping that the same month one thousand people should fall in love with you and what you do. It’s a ridiculous expectation! It’s called entitlement.

Recent progress on my fourth book: 0 min in the last three days. I’m nonetheless optimistic about releasing it in December this year as announced. Will need to defocus solely on this book from Dec 25 through Dec 31.