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Sunday, September 04, 2016

Saint Jeremy? We may have to wait a while yet.

Mother Teresa
of Calcutta is in the news at the moment, as she’s been elevated by the Vatican
to sainthood.

I admit that
I’m not fully up to speed with the criteria for canonisation, so I’ve visited
the Saints for Dummies web page to check whether Jeremy Corbyn also qualifies. (It’s
written by a couple of priests, so it must be kosher.)

My mission
has been prompted by the way in which some of Jez’s loyal supporters talk about
him online.

Take this
example, for instance, of someone writing to the bizarre Corbynista blog Vox Political and comparing the
Islington North MP to the author J K Rowling. The Harry Potter author is noted
as having the ‘Judas Trait’ about her, which stands in stark contrast to the
Labour Leader.

The
correspondent notes that Mr Corbyn is a man ‘who did not let fame go to his
head and instead, rather than paying lip service to human suffering, was
actually willing to do something to alleviate it’.

It’s
certainly a touching portrait of an individual prepared to go the extra mile. To me, it has a saintly quality about it, as
God knows I wouldn’t be able to aspire to these standards.

But is it
enough for actual, proper canonisation? That’s a whole other question and we’ll
come back to it in just a bit.

First, I
want travel to Ramsgate in Kent, a place where Jez has apparently just received
a rapturous welcome.

Very
confusing.

Was it
ram-packed, like traingate? Or was it... err... just Ramsgate?

Anyway, the
rally was advertised under the visionary slogan, ‘Another Thanet is possible’.
And as the veteran socialist has lived on another Thanet for the past 40 years,
that seemed strangely appropriate.

Commenting
on the event, one of Jez’s fans on Facebook described him as ‘inspirational’
and she also told us that the sun came out while he spoke. I wasn’t sure whether there might be some
causal connection between the two phenomena. If so, it’s the kind of thing that
I reckon a Papal team of enquiry might take into account.

And what
about musical tributes? My thinking is that before you become a saint, you’d
have people singing your praises. Literally.

There’s
plenty of evidence that people do feel strongly enough about Jeremy to burst
into song. Some are worthy individual efforts.

In the
spirit of communality and camaraderie engendered by Jez, however, the Unison
branch of Barnet in north London has created a touching collective foot-tapper– presumably with the blessing of The Specials.

But enough
of my homespun speculation. I am no theologian, after all.

Rev John
Tregilio Jr and Rev Kenneth Brighenti are the experts. And they tell us that
the first thing to bear in mind, when considering whether someone is eligible
for sainthood, is that they don’t have to be ‘sinless’. That’s impossible
apparently.

Good news
for Jez, as it means that all that stuff about the IRA and Hamas and Hezbollah
and so on can be set to one side.

Corbyn is
also on strong ground – judging by the testimony of his supporters – for
another of the Reverend Fathers’ criteria: ‘evidence of having led an exemplary
life of goodness and virtue worthy of imitation’. Things are looking up.

Here’s an
interesting one. You can be considered for sainthood if you have ‘undergone a
major conversion of heart where a previous immoral life is abandoned and
replaced by one of outstanding holiness’.

Hmm. Well, Jez did have a major change of heart on
the EU.

He supported
it 0 out of 10 in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and 2000s. But he’d got up to 7 out
of 10 during the 2016 Brexit referendum. Does that count?

Fundamentally,
however, it seems to come down to miracles. You need a couple of them.

His victory
in the 2015 Labour leadership contest was obviously the first, which qualifies
him for potential beatification. He
needs another though.

If he
performed the same trick twice, would that be seen as cheating?

Regrettably,
we are confronted with what seems to be an insurmountable obstacle.

The miracles
are judged post-mortem.

In other
words, it’s simply not possible to be elevated to sainthood while you’re still
alive and kicking. The fact that your political philosophy may have died in,
say, 1986 doesn’t count. You have to physically brown bread yourself.

So those who
hope for Saint Jeremy to be recognised may have to wait until long after his
second term in office, which would finish in 2030. Then, at the age of 81, he’d
possibly have another 15 years of blissful retirement on his allotment, while
John McDonnell took over.