Blue Ivy's Real Mom Might Take Her Back

According to the website MediaTakeOut, which was once almost right about something in 2012, a woman named Tina Seals carried Blue Ivy in her belly for nine months and is now suing for custody. According to HollywoodLife.com, which takes completely unfounded stories and then hires experts to give quotes to make them seem legitimate, the surrogate mom might actually have some custodial rights even though she contractually bound herself to a womb-for-hire arrangement. It has to do with complicated family law in the State of New York that has yet to catch up with the multiple ways in which rich and famous people are making babies magically appear these days.

During Beyonce's pregnancy, many conjecturing assholes such as myself contended she was faking the entire swollen belly bit and that the future stripper named baby was really being carried by a surrogate. This is an extremely common practice among high profile women who make money off their figures. Beyonce skipped all those trendy naked pregnancy photos and when it came time for the birth, the couple rented out the entire floor of the hospital so the baby could be born in extreme privacy. It was all very suspicious. Leading to opportunistic crazies like Tina Seals to now come out of the woodworks. Since the baby presumably carries no DNA link to the surrogate mom, I'm not sure how you prove your carried Blue Ivy in your womb. Maybe it still smells of Shalimar and gold. None of this is true. But it's fun to imagine annoying things happening to super annoying people.