Making everyone happy is impossible. Pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

A confession

I hate cancer.

There: I said it. It's fairly uncontentious; I can't imagine that people are sitting in front of their screens thinking, "I can't believe he said that!" But today there is a specific reason why I hate cancer...

... it has made me feel sorry for that appalling professional gobshite, Jade Goody. To go through all of that shitty treatment and then find that the cancer has spread to your other organs and that you are, at the age of 27, effectively the walking dead is unbelievably an unbelievably crappy situation.

Former Big Brother star Jade Goody has confirmed the cervical cancer she is being treated for has spread to her bowel, liver and groin.

The mother-of-two was diagnosed with the illness in August and has been receiving chemotherapy ever since.

Her spokesman, Max Clifford, said the 27-year-old was "trying to put on a brave face" for her two children.

She told The Sun: "I am devastated, frightened and angry. I don't want to die, I have so much to live for."

Goody, who appeared on the Channel 4 series in 2002 added: "The reality is I have gone from a 40% chance of a cure to seeing how long I can stay alive.

"The whole thing is absolutely terrifying, I am hoping a new type of treatment will suppress and control the cancer, which is very aggressive. I am in a nightmare."

Clifford said the team of doctors and surgeons who had been treating the star at London's Royal Marsden Hospital were now discussing the best way to treat the three tumours.

The truth is that our means of treating cancer are still pretty primitive. If cutting the bastard out doesn't work, then we can resort to radiotherapy and chemotherapy, both of which embrace the same philosophy: we flood the body with poisons and hope that the cancer dies before the patient does. Chemotherapy, in particular, is painful and debilitating.

she could have started blaming someone...she didn't, just took the shit life threw at her.... just like she's taken all the insults.I did a piece about her last Octoberhttp://haddock-somethingfishy.blogspot.com/2008/10/jade-goody.html

OH, it's normal when blogging, when implying that someone has 'slept with hundreds of men, to put in a link to some sort of supporting evidence......or you run the risk of being labelled a fucking big gob.

She could have sued the arse off the NHS..."The 27-year-old has stage three cancer. It was misdiagnosed four times, but Jade says she won't seek compensation from the hospital, as she thinks taking money from the NHS is wrong."

People say 'you are what you eat' OH, you must have had a great oral sex life....

What utter, utter crap. As someone who owns a fully functioning set of ladies rude bits and recently had them thoroughly checked over, I can tell you that although HPV is a precondition for cervical cancer most gynaecologists do not consider it a risk factor for a woman of Jade Goody's age for the simple reason that virtually every man or woman who has had sex ever will have been exposed to it. For most people the body fights it off and that's the end of it. For some people it doesn't.

Shagging about is not the only cause of cervical cancer, same as smoking isn't the only cause of lung cancer and excessive drinking isn't the only cause of bowel cancer. There's no evidence that Jade Goody has slept with hundreds of men and no evidence that she has brought this cancer upon herself. Because she hasn't. While I've never been a fan of the girl in the past I do feel sorry for her now and respect the way she's handling it. Do you not think the poor lass has had enough shit thrown at her without the likes of you labelling her a slut and insinuating she caused this by her behaviour?

It's estimated that 90% of sexually active adults will be exposed to sexually transmitted HPV. Not all HPV is sexually transmitted, and not all cervical cancer is caused by it, although admittedly the overwhelming majority is. But when 90% of sexually active adults will get a particular condition, describing it as a "risk factor" is only marginally less idiotic than describing breathing or drinking water as risk factors.

Anyone who knows how to use a search engine could find this out for themselves, but why bother when you can just label anyone with cervical cancer a promiscuous whore, eh?

This level of argument on classical liberal blogs is unseemly. We should be setting a good and chaste example to the enemy, not rending our own flesh and dirty linens in public.

It is very sad for this poor young woman to be faced with such a situation so young. She is no different from any other more-or-less-useless 27-y-o celeb, or more pertinently any other kind of human being. The real losers will be her poor children, as is always the case, for she is their mum.

There is also a very good weight of evidence in support of OH's position. But all I would say is that this was not the time and place to air it.

Moreover, the internet is effectively a public space, and poor suffering JG, be she ever so exalted, might even have seen this thread.

I rest our case. And I second The Devil's condolences; we all have to die sometime, of something. That's it.

Goody has found that a thorough bullying was the making of her. So much so that she is now a millionairess, and has graduated from her victim status to becoming an accomplished bully herself. Perhaps it is pure altruism that is leading her and her chums to give Shetty such a hard time.

So, we have a fat, ugly, racist bully with the IQ of a Mueller Rice, done nothing at all in life, yet has accrued over £8 Million from gullible voyeurs willing to watch the monkey drink tea from a proper cup.

OH, fucking Indians with their caste system calling people racist..... fuck me you have lost it big timehttp://haddock-somethingfishy.blogspot.com/2007/01/sticks-and-stones.htmlthat paragon of non-racism was the one doing the cooking if I remember rightly so that she wouldn't have to be contaminated by eating food prepared by an 'untouchable' or similar.http://haddock-somethingfishy.blogspot.com/2007/12/racism.html

Haddock, you dolt. Jade Goody is a squat little troll and her death will raise the global IQ by a couple of points.

Shilpa Shetty is as hot as all fuck and I would gladly chuck one up her.

If you cannot see the difference, I must weep for your apparently dead heterosexuality, and and if you cannot see that a dead Jade Goody is a net gain for the human race, I must weep for your apparently dead common sense.

Great post DK. My thoughts went through the same steps as yours when I saw the news.

I later wondered if I'd feel sorry for Gordon if he got some sort of cock cancer. I'm not sure I would to be honest.

I really never thought much of Jade Goody but I do feel genuinely sorry for her, and I guess it says something about the depth of hatred I feel for Gobshite Brown and his associates that I wish this fate on the whole lot of 'em.

Regarding having slept with hundreds of men. There's one obvious piece of evidence to suggest this is not the case; Ms Goody's face.

Also whatever you think of her, I don't really believe she's done anything to warrant this kind of hate. Sure I'd wished she'd get off my TV on occasion, but I wouldn't wish this on her, completely disproportionate... Gordon Brown on the other hand, there's not a piece of his body that doesn't deserve this.

Hang on a minute. This pig faced imbecile wasn't "misdiagnosed". She was told she had cancer whilst actually "starring" in Big Brother India. She knew she was ill and had agreed for the verdict of her tests to be given over, live to a zillion people.

Not sitting at home with a cup of tea and her best mate.

Sitting in the fucking diary room of BB India, live on TV.

She is a symbol of much that is wrong with British Society, so her terminal condition seems strangely comforting to me. I make no apologies for it either.

I wish her a swift and painless demise. The less of her ilk on the planet, the better. Her kids will be well provided for by Max Clifford, as will Max Clifford himself, the tabloids will go into overdrive and there will be a national blubbing day when the "Princess of Heat!" magazine shuffles off this mortal coil.

Thousands of Z list celebrities will congregate to tell us plebs what a fantastic person she was, how tirelessly she worked for good causes (feeding her fat face, hoarding £8 million taken from anywhere and everywhere and shouting a lot) and cry crocodile tears as a pink stretched Hearse led by topless pole dancers from the Basildon Tufnell Estate delivers her bloated corpse to the crematorium where small children will offer Big Macs to a monument made of MDF by Tommy Walsh of Changing Rooms.

Meanwhile, quietly and with dignity, in hospitals up an down the land, 7 children will die of kidney failure, because the NHS can't afford the £8 Million req'd for dialysis machines.

Fuck Jade Goody. She was a cunt when she was alive and she'll be a cunt after she's dead. I can only hope that she dies in a comical way to provide me with some small degree of amusement.

And you po-faced pricks can all go and shite. If Jade Goody moved next door to you, your house would be on the market the very next day. You'd cross the road to avoid Jade Goody and her types. The entire right blogosphere is stuffed to breaking point with critiques of the culture that Jade Goody exemplified. You bastards pour bile on her and her ilk every single fucking day.....but now that she's dying you're all adopting the expressions of a constipated owl and whining about how sad it is and how you wish she wasn't in pain.

Righteous fucking hypocrites. Piss off and join the Labour Party. It's where you belong.

OH, you fancy accompanying me to Goody's funeral? We can roast some marshmallows and have a singalong....

Thanks to all (especially "anonymous"at 3:53) for providing such a stern test of my belief in free speech. I read this on a cancer ward and resisted reading it out to my companion undergoing chemotherapy, as I often do the exchanges here at the Kitchen (to her amusement)

This thread provides harsh but valuable insight into the human condition. Can I try to sum up? Being sick doesn't make you a better person. If you were a healthy rogue, disease will just make you an unhealthy one. However, a little sympathy for a fellow-human (especially a young one) facing premature death is a pretty good litmus test of humanity. Jade Goody is a mouthy young woman, vulgar and naieve. Cancer won't fix that. But, trust me, her fate is too great a punishment for her minor failings. There, but for the grace of God, go all here - including you Anon at 3:53 you unutterable ****.

I don't think better or worse of Jade Goody for her situation. But I do think worse of people who can display such inhumanity as some here. A lot worse. I still support, diligently, their right to their views, but I maintain - ardently - my right to despise them.

Big Brother and all that attends it are shite. I wish I lived in a country where there was no appetite for it; and I despise particularly the cynicism of the production company, Endemol. That does not mean to say I have to gloat when one of its graduates succumbs to a horrible disease and leaves her children motherless.

OH and Anon. 3.53, there is such a thing as common humanity. Your remarks are shameful. Would you make them in her presence?

And there's such a thing as being a hypocritical pants-wetting hand-wringing crybaby.

Your remarks are shameful.

And you're a prick. What's your point, shit-for-brains?

Would you make them in her presence?

I'd never be in the fat cow's presence, thank the fuck Christ, so the question is pointless but, to allow the hypothesis, yes I would have no problem telling her to her face what a useless lump of shite she is and that the world would be a better place without her.

You, on the other hand, would pity her and sympathise with her and smooch her fucking sphincter and then, as soon as she was out of earshot, go off about what a cunt she is.

I said exactly that to my wife this lunchtime, having read that Jade Goody's cancer had spread. I said she was going to die very young. She has young children too which compounds the shame of it happening. I really felt sorry for her.

Clearly "hypocrite" has stopped meaning what it used to mean and started meaning "not being a cunt". Which is why, if I'm honest, I don't actually care if not gloating over Goody or anyone else dying of cancer makes me a hypocrite on Planet Anonymous Sociopath.

As she steps out of a Porsche 4x4, on her way back from yet more filming of BB, waving at her £8 million in the bank and on the phone to Max to extract yet more filthy lucre.

Sorry, no tears from me. And I DO wish cancer on plenty of people, although I have never specifically wished it on her. I thought she'd be electrocuted hoovering in the bath or eat cyanide thinking it was cinnamon.

I have plenty of humanity thanks. I usually reserve it for humans though, not shaved attention seeking money grabbing bullying baboons like Goody. In my honest and frank opinion, the world will be a better place when she is gone.

I'm visiting friend next week who has just been diagnosed with cancer and given an 8% chance of surviving more than three years. She's riddled with it and yes, she blames her promiscuous past for it entirely.

She has decided to simply enjoy her time. She will never set foot in work again, she will spend her money doing what she wants to do and completely accepts that she will not see her 50th birthday. She is looking at three years of fun and then a dignified, quiet death, surrounded by friends and loved ones.

So, Jade Goody should do what your friend is doing? And if she doesn't do that, and chooses to make some money in her last few months (to leave to her two small children, remember them...?), then you feel free to mock her and speculate on the cause of her llness and the value to the world of her early death?

Goody may well be a money-grubbing, dim, over-exposed chav. But I suspect she'd be better (and more honest) company on a night out than some..

Oh, and I thought you'd given up blogging after you tossed all your toys out of the pram the other day?

Because I called you a prick? You have a high opinion of yourself, cuntbubble.

You have no evidence that I am a hypocrite.

I have plenty of evidence that you're a prick.

Instead of making an argument, you descend immediately to insults.

Do you actually know anything about this blog, you useless retarded bastard? Go look up "swear blogging" and then contract something painful and die slowly.

What's more, you don't even have the imagination to give yourself a name.

Wow. That's a fucking awesome comeback, you dickless arsewipe.

Clearly "hypocrite" has stopped meaning what it used to mean and started meaning "not being a cunt".

No, it still means "Someone who's spent the last five years howling about how revolting Jade Goody is and who then gets all teary-eyed and sad when the bitch dies". It means "Someone who hangs out on a blog that spends most of its time calling for the murder and torture of politicians but who pisses their pants when a useless Z list pseudo-celebrity catches a self-inflicted and entertainingly painful STD". Hypocrite: it's you and the rest of the shitbirds in this thread with your whining and wailing about someone that you'd sooner see dead than living next door to you.

Which is why, if I'm honest, I don't actually care if not gloating over Goody or anyone else dying of cancer makes me a hypocrite on Planet Anonymous Sociopath.

If you don't care, you brainless worthless toffee-nosed sanctimonious snatch, why did you bother responding? Go catch something embarrassing from a Nigerian.

For a blog that regularly employs the tag "Death by Insect" and includes long and very detailed murder fantasies, you all are a bunch of squeamish bastards.

That's what makes you hypocrites. Next time you decide to go off on a rant about how you want to hang Miliband or set Prescott on fire or shove jumping jack ants up Broon's jap's eye, just remember how you all pissed your pants when confronted with one fucking cancerous chav.

OH and I are at least being honest. That's a damned sight more than can be said for any of you middle-class sissies. You'll all dry your little tears today and sniffle at the thought of poor Jade's worthless bastard chav criminal-in-training children.....and next week you'll be baying like a lynch mob for the death of this politician or that; you'll be screaming, as you usually do, about the thieving underclass and the evil immigrants and the Great European Federalist Conspiracy and then you'll all post your comedic little comments and feel pretty impressed with yourselves.

"then you feel free to mock her and speculate on the cause of her llness and the value to the world of her early death?"

Yes, I do. It's my voice, I'll use it as I like. Just because you don't agree with me, don't assume I will be silent. You can be absolutely sure I will be the first to defend your right to do the same.

I don't care what Jane Goody does. I would never have heard of her or her recent condition if she didn't want me to. And Jane Goody wants EVERYONE to have heard of her - as long as she's earning money out of it. So seeing as she has invaded my space, uninvited, in the pursuit of money and nothing else, it seems only fair that I have the same right to retort. I don't charge by the way. So don't ask for a refund either.

As I said in my very first post here on this thread, she has the chance to save millions of women. A REAL opportunity to influence the sexual behaviour of a lost generation, to make things better.

She won't. She just wants the money.

There are a million cancer victims out there doing a million things to make things better, from cycling around the world to raise funds or financially supporting research with their fortunes.

Jane Goody just demands cash for interviews from the News of the World to show her bald head, her pimps standing behind her desperate to squeeze a few more quid out of her stupid mouth before they need to find a new "tom" to supply their lavish lifestyle for them.

Cancer will take one in every three of us. Spare your sympathy for those around you who it will take, not some pig faced monster who couldn't give a fuck who you were as long as you paid (sic) attention to her 24/7.

"OH and I are at least being honest. That's a damned sight more than can be said for any of you middle-class sissies. "

No, you're just being shocking for the sake of it, and to get attention. Much like when a toddler interrupts a dinner party to yell 'Pee, po, belly, bum, drawers!' before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

They grow out of it. So should you.

"It's my voice, I'll use it as I like. Just because you don't agree with me, don't assume I will be silent."

No-one's telling you to shut up, or demanding that you be silenced for your views (I bet that'd give you a bit of a thrill, wouldn't it?).

They are simply poiinting out how hollow they are, and how indicative of the truly wrothless 'personality' you assume Goody to be.

"As I said in my very first post here on this thread, she has the chance to save millions of women."

And as everyone and his dog has pointed out, you are operating from a false premise.

"Spare your sympathy for those around you who it will take, not some pig faced monster..."

I thought she was a human being. Am I wrong? Or have you watched too many episodes of 'Demons' lately?

"Politicians are entirely different: they actively harm other people through their ignorance, bigotry and venal corruption.

I don't think that Goody has. Do feel free to correct me on that."

DK. Go and take a good, long, hard look at Britains youth.

Go and listen to the aspirations of a generation. They'll either be a premiership footballer or on Big Brother. Sorted.

Jane Goody IS the ambassador for a million chavs, happy to do fuck all, contribute nothing, bully and scowl, thick as shit and yet magically end up a millionaire, driving a Porsche, grinning from ear to ear with their smug faces all over the paper everyday. She is an icon of what New Labour espouses.

OH..? Why the bile? What's she done to you? Broken into your house and pissed on your chips?

So, we have a fat, ugly, racist bully with the IQ of a Mueller Rice, done nothing at all in life, yet has accrued over £8 Million from gullible voyeurs willing to watch the monkey drink tea from a proper cup.

I'd have thought that you, as an apparently unreconstructed capitalist, would approve of the woman parlaying her modest talents into a reasonable sum of money by providing "entertainment" for those of meagre intellect.

Unlike many venal politicians and their "lackeys" (many of whom I'd happily see dead) she has done nothing to me, and, I suspect nothing to you. She's not disadvantaged us in any way, taken money from us, caused nanny-style bans of pleasant activities.

What's up? jealous 'cause she's made more money than you without the advantage of your huge intellect?

I can't hate Jade Goody because she is 'ugly'. I have never watched Big Brother, and I have never bought a magazine with JG in it. She has done nothing to me, and her influence on my life is nil. Blaming her for all the ills of our society seems a little bizarre. The blame for that should be reserved for the generations of politicians who have fucked over this once great country with their meddling and lies. It is their fault we have generations of illiterate people who want to read about the non-entities who appear in the gossip mags. As for JG and her cancer, I feel deeply sorry for this damaged young woman who is going to leave two children motherless.

I gather, Old Holborn, that you do not like Jade Goody. But may I ask if there is some irrational fear that drives you to make such vile statements about a fellow human being who is almost certainly dying of cancer?

I am sure you will assure us you are fearless in all things, but once she is gone, OH, how will your life be better? How will society benefit?

Will her passing illuminate some darkness for us all and make the world a better place? Will the streets be safer, our economy back on track?

Perhaps even these questions will be met with a torrent of anger, but I think your lack of charity towards this woman does you no favours.

Jade Goody has NEVER been responsible for hers, hence she isn't. I'm pretty sure my last post explained that in detail.

Jade Goody was made a hero, by the people who it suited to have a million chavs "inspired". From Max Clifford, Rebecca Wade, Cherie Blair, Ken Livingstone and the great unwashed who voted for her on BB.

Jane Goody is the reason feral youth kick innocent citizens to death.Jane Goody is the reason millions of people are scared to go out after darkJane Goody is the reason X factor or Big Brother is the only dream of youthJane Goody is the reason why our kids cannot read and write when they leave schoolJane Goody is the reason why people who don't have a pot to piss in carry gold Visa cards with £20K debt on them.Jane Goody IS New Labour.

I think the key word that would describe this 'debate' is empathy (or its lack thereof in some truly hideous posts).

I don't particularly consider Jade Goody. I think she is a product of a damaged family, education system and environment. I do however think that anyone, regardless of who they are or what they've done deserves some element of sympathy if they discover that they are being eroded internally by an insidious disease.

She may be 'milking' this for all she can get or she could be simply trying to find a way to provide for her children so that the State doesn't have to. She could be feeling sorry for herself and indeed, I would argue that she has a pretty good reason to.

In any case, if she really was after all the money she could get her hands on, then why she would hold back from going after the NHS for repeatedly misdiagnosing her?

Leave her be. And those that can't, I hope that they never find themselves in a similar situation because what goes around, comes around.

If one wanted an example of the merits of total freedom of speech, this is about as good as it gets. The world will always be full of stupid cnuts, but in dialogue like this, the really evil cnuts stand out a mile.....

"If one wanted an example of the merits of total freedom of speech, this is about as good as it gets. The world will always be full of stupid cnuts, but in dialogue like this, the really evil cnuts stand out a mile....."

Indeed. And there are degrees even in that - though his comments are vile (and on the subject of HPV, factually incorrect), he has at least used his Internet 'handle' to stand by them.