Another birthday is here, so let’s assess how I’ve done with my goals since the last one:

Get in shape: That shape is “rotund”.

Read more: The disclaimers that come with my prescriptions go on for pages.

Make new friends: First step was to alienate most of my old ones.

Travel: Some nights I make as many as three trips to the bathroom.

Learn a new language: I now know how to say “mofo” in Armenian.

Find something to be thankful for every day: On those mornings when I step into my slippers and don’t discover a hairball in them, I am thankful.

Love more: Carol is curious where I go on the weekends.

Watch less TV: Thank God for streaming services.

Get closer to the earth: I’ve slipped and fallen to the ground several times.

Worry less: I’m concerned I haven’t made enough progress with this one.

Speak truth to power: Stop letting authority figures intimidate me, so I use my cellphone in the library.

Embrace failure: Actually, I found this one on Carol’s list. No wonder she’s been hugging me so much lately.

Years ago I worked at a company where the director was fond of saying, “Every day I can wake up and put both feet on the ground is a good day.” His words inspired me to set my expectations at an absolute minimum.