Monday, November 26, 2012

Pressing question

I bored and cold and my brain can't seem to reach a definitive conclusion about a matter that is really gnawing at me:

Who would win in a Celebrity Deathmatch between Gandalf and Darth Vader? Note: I'm thinking of latter-stages Gandalf the White, not the bumbling Grey guy in the Hobbit.

If I crowdsource this question to my teeming horde dozen or so readers, we should be able to reach a valid answer. I'll tally the results from the comments and we'll finally put the issue to rest. Or, we'll end up with a muddled mess like the BCS standings. Either way, it'll be more fun for me than just sitting here.

PS: Hey, Manhattan Infidel! When I do a Google Image Search for Gandalf, your pic comes up in the #2 spot! Congrats on your mastery of the internet!

33 comments:

Don't let Infidel's head swell too big. Google does that now. In their image (and word searches btw), they give preference to people you have had contact with (either through their blog, or from your e-mail exchanges, contact lists...yada yada yada...

If I try the same search, it'll be entirely different. Hang on...lemme try...

I'm going with Darth Vader - the force (farce) was strong with him and I don't think that Gandalf could spell Midi-chlorian even in elvish.

Turning to Wikipedia: "Midi-chlorians were intelligent microscopic life forms that lived symbiotically inside the cells of all living things. When present in sufficient numbers, they could allow their symbiont to detect the pervasive energy field known as the Force. Midi-chlorian counts were linked to potential in the Force, ranging from normal Human levels of 2,500 per cell to the much higher levels of Jedi. The highest known midi-chlorian count—over 20,000 per cell—belonged to the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, who was believed to have been conceived by the midi-chlorians."

I rest my case. Gandalf is toast, and his staff would be split by the red lightsaber.

That's what I see happening in a small arena. Vader would sabre Gandy into steaming slabs of lunchmeat almost instantly. But what about a larger venue, with more space between them? Since Sith prefer the personal touch of slicing up their enemies, Vader would have to close the distance. Gando would have time to cast a spell or two, and I think things would get much more interesting. I mean, if he can beat the Balrog, he ain't exactly a chump.

Being the deep studier of wizardry things that I'm not, I have no clue what Gandalf would do against an evil power. I mean, he gets short people to do the dirty work. Really?! So I'd side with Darth Vader here. His knowledge of both the Dark Side and Light(Lite?) Side of the force would win the day. In the final seconds in which one of them says something clever like, "Now is the moment when the decision between good and evil is settled" Darth Vader would summon up the good inside of him and slay the old guy. But as for the flip-side of the question, who would lose, the answer is, France. Also, off subject but also a pressing question. Why can't we have a word better then 'good' for something, well, 'good? Bad has 'evil'. I just think it's unfair.

Question: Gandalf the White, Darth Vadar and a Moderate Muslim go into a bar, order a pitcher of Henry Weinhardt's Private Reserve, and start a game of darts. Gandalf shoots first, hitting three bullseyes. Darth steps up, and splits Gandalf's darts right down the middle with three exact bullseyes. Not to be outdone, the Moderate Muslim toes the line, and tosses three dead to nuts bulls eyes.

Well, if Gandalf goes down, as you and LL seem to agree, then I say he goes down like Obi-Wan did... Stronger! which never really came through after that. just sort of ghostly appearance and a voice like he's talking out of his... er, cave.