North Korea announces bold new peace plan (satire)

Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Kim Wu-hu, the highly respected director of North Korea’s Ministry of Everlasting Truth. She is variously believed to be Kim Jong-un‘s sister or illegitimate daughter.

Dear Leader Kim’s plan is radical only in its overwhelming simplicity and has just two parts:

1. The illegitimate criminal regime known as the Republic of Korea (“ROK”), which unlawfuly occupies a southern province of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea (“DPRK”), will disarm immediately and turn over all of its weapons to the DPRK for safekeeping. Neutral international inspectors from the DPRK and Iran will travel to the ROK in one week to verify the ROK’s compliance. Should the ROK be found not to have complied, the DPRK and its ally Iran will make merciless war on it to force its voluntary compliance.

2. At least seventy-five percent of all males over the age of ten years living in the DPRK’s southern province under the rogue ROK regime will adopt Kim’s hairstyle and, within one month, present themselves to international inspectors who will determine whether they have complied in a satisfactory manner. The DPRK will provide suitable antiaircraft equipment to deal humanely with any who have not.

Many nations, even those which — for unknown and inexplicable reasons — have previously considered the DPRK less than trustworthy, responded enthusiastically. Even Obama, leader of the illegitimate regime known as Obama’s America, promptly held a televised press briefing. He announced that, in a show of solidarity with the DPRK, He will promptly (a) adopt Dear Leader Kim’s hairstyle, (b) issue executive decrees requiring all U.S. and allied military personnel to do the same and (c) seek to disarm his own rogue regime under terms similar to those graciously offered to the ROK. Suitable terms of American surrender to Russia, China and Iran will also be sought.

Obama expressed sincere regret that Republican warmongers will oppose his historic peace efforts for partisan purposes. He also noted that they are racists (as all opposition to Him clearly shows) and are therefore alligned with the apartheid Jewish regime that still occupies Palestine despite his vigorous efforts to impose a two state solution. He stated that their treasonous opposition will not matter, because He will accomplish everything He desires through Executive Decrees.

Barack Obama

Here is a photo of Obama showing off his new hairstyle. (A wig was needed because his hair will take time to grow to the necessary length.)

During the press conference Obama also announced the immediate withdrawal of all U.S. military forces from the ROK and termination of planned joint military exercises there to prevent brutal attacks by the DPRK on the ROK and, indeed, on his own illegitimate province.

He proudly proclaimed, again, that peace and negotiation are always better than war and stated that his Secretary of State, John Kerry, had already left for Pyongyang, Tehran, Moscow and Beijing to meet with his counterparts.

Immediately following Obama’s press briefing, and in lieu of a question and answer period, the reporters broke out spontaneously in song to praise Obama.

Kerry, fresh from his Herculean successes in negotiating the surrender of Obama’s America (as well as the rogue Jewish regime occupying Palestine) to Iran, expects to face difficulties in negotiating the terms of surrender to the DPRK, China and Russia. Iran will not be a problem, Kerry stated proudly but humbly, because his diplomatic skills are well known there and he is highly respected because of them.

The science is settled and can no longer be disputed. A brave new world awaits. We have only our chains to lose and true world peace and prosperity to gain. We must thrust ever onward and upward together until we finally achieve all of the changes we have been waiting for!

Editor’s comment: Due to limits on North Korea’s internet, Kim Wu-hu was unable to provide suitable graphics. I provided them for her.

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About danmillerinpanama

I was graduated from Yale University in 1963 with a B.A. in economics and from the University of Virginia School of law, where I was the notes editor of the Virginia Law Review in 1966. Following four years of active duty with the Army JAG Corps, with two tours in Korea, I entered private practice in Washington, D.C. specializing in communications law. I retired in 1996 to sail with my wife, Jeanie, on our sailboat Namaste to and in the Caribbean. In 2002, we settled in the Republic of Panama and live in a very rural area up in the mountains.
I have contributed to Pajamas Media and Pajamas Tatler. In addition to my own blog, Dan Miller in Panama, I an an editor of Warsclerotic and contribute to China Daily Mail when I have something to write about North Korea.