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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Debbie Rules (not as in I'm cool...as in my guidelines)

Rules for life should change based on the person. You can't follow everyone's rules all the time. Case in point: you can't believe Jesus was the lord and savior and still be waiting for the Messiah to take all the chosen people to Jerusalem. That said, one of my all time favorite TV shows is NCIS and I love Gibbs and his rules. Provided I know there are a ton of them, the one everyone recalls is "Never apologize; it's a sign of weakness." I decided to sit down and figure out my Top 10 Rules for Life...or as I shall now call them, Debbie Rules. It took longer than you might think. Five or six of them were no brainers, but the remaining rules took some thought. I then organized them into a Top 10, although truth be told they aren't in order of importance. I make Top 10 lists...not most important lists. That's how it works. I don't make the rules...

10. Too many cooks in the kitchen leads to quickly burnt food. I can't recall the reason I chose to label this rule this way, but whatever. I thought I was brilliant at the time. The point here is that you can't let too many rules or opinions mold your world. Six people will tell you to do one thing that eight others think is the wrong thing. What is most important is what you think is right.

9. Don't repeat Exes. Life is about experience. To quote Aerosmith, life's a journey, not a destination. There is a reason someone came into your life. That reason is to teach you something. It doesn't matter if you learned that all the red flags you overlooked were there for a damn reason [yes, this is in direct reference to my ex] or if you learned that you don't actually want to get married, you learned something. Why would you waste time in your life (and in the life of another person) by trying to re-learn the same lesson twice. You ARE smarter than that, right? Take my advice, if someone is dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them leave.

8. Have a "Happy Song." No matter what happens in life, you need to have something that will keep your spirits climbing Mt. Everest. I have happy songs, but you can have happy anythings. Happy clothes, happy movies, happy friends, happy wine bottles...hell if I care. Example: when my D-bag Ex [the one referenced in the post above - no I'm not bitter or harping on him...I just only have 2 real ex's to base my life on] broke up with me almost a year ago, my bestie - Amanda - came over for moral support. I was a mess (for about 2 days...not the point though) and was unable to be cheered up. Amanda promptly asked me if I wanted to listen to Hall and Oates. Yes. I did. A lot. Why? Not just because there is a simple joy in loving the highest selling duo of all time, but because "You Make My Dreams" is a song that forces you to dance like a bumbling idiot and smile. If that doesn't work for me I switch to "September" by Earth Wind and Fire. Still not smiling? Try D.A.N.C.E by Justice ft. MSTRKRFT. You're welcome.

7. It's never a bad time for a glass of wine. Yes, this makes me sound like an alcoholic. No I do not care. If there is one thing I've learned about myself in the last 6 months or so it's that wine makes me a happy drunk. Having a rough day? Pinot. Celebrating a raise? Pinot. Your sister gave birth to your 5th niece or nephew (and second filipino)? Pinot!

6. Never stop learning. My opinion (as important as I KNOW it is to all you mother effers) is as follows: the second you close your mind off from learning something new is the second you accept death. I know it sounds like a big jump, but every day brings something new. Nothing will ever be as bad or as good as it is in this exact moment. If you decide you're done absorbing new information or experiences, you're claiming life in the future is non-important and may as well be non-existent. You don't have to continue to be in school, but you do have to continue to be a student.

5. Accept them at their worst if you want to enjoy them at their best. This is more for the people in my life than for me, but I firmly believe you don't deserve the awesome side of me if you can't handle the terrible sides of me. I am more than a smile and a brain and a face. I have many facets. I have sides and layers and depth. If there is something you don't like about me, cool. If there is something you won't accept about me, feel free to walk away.

4. Be accountable. At ALL costs. I pride myself on my reliability. If I tell you I will do something, I do it. Even if it's detrimental to me. I've gone out to party with friends at 2am on a school night because I promised I'd be there for that friend. I've flown in from out of town exhausted, shotgunned coffee and met people out because I know it's needed (for me and them.) If you say you're going to be at a job on time, fucking do it. If you offer to help someone do something, do it. It's simple. If you make a commitment, follow through. Otherwise, do not make that commitment. End.

3. If it doesn't match, wear it! There's no surprise here that my sense of style is unconventional. I wear whatever colors I want to and mix patterns. Don't like it? Doesn't matter, you're not the one wearing it. Gold nail polish? Done! Multicolored splatter paint sunglasses? Worn. Orange watch with purple and green dress? Super! I probably appreciate this mix of styles because it fosters conversations about whatever it is that doesn't match. I love when people point out my watches or my terrible sense of style. It makes me memorable. Or at least I like to think so.

2. Never sext more than you receive. Sure, I sext. Or at least I used to a lot more than I do now. The key to sexting is to have equal dirt on whomever has dirt on you. Examples: Paris Hilton, Vanessa Hudgens, etc. These non-savvy ladies had the misfortune of giving someone ammo with no available retribution. Well, maybe they had dirt on these guys, but who in America gave a flying fuck about the sexy pictures the dudes were sending them? If I were a celebrity, I'd only sext with other celebs. Quid pro quo would suggest that they keep their presents to themselves lest I open my vaults and let the shit fly. Ipso Facto and other legal terms.

1. Don't censor yourself. This one is HUGE for me (or, if you're my dad or Donald Trump...UUUge.) Life is too fucking short to care about how others are going to misread a situation. Yes, I get it. Perception often IS reality, but only for those who are perceiving it. Does my facebook status say I am having a date night? Who the fuck cares! Maybe I am on a hot date with my boyfriend (eww, I hate that term) or maybe I am having a nice night in with my bestie. What the fuck do I care if you choose to look at it one way or another. I don't. Sure, this makes me a bit insensitive, but my job isn't to guess how you are going to take my words and read them. People always get all bent out of shape about how their ex, or their mom or their monkeys favorite stuffed animal is going to react to what they choose to do, but seriously, if those people are upset about what you've done you have two options: cut em loose or don't do that thing in the first place. Am I right or am I right?? (If you think I'm wrong, I don't care...I don't pay you to agree with me. And I don't make the fucking rules.)

End.

Editors note: I'm aware that I used the word "fuck" in one form or another 6 times in this post prior to this sentence. I'm also aware that four of those times were in the last item (#1). I'm blaming this on the wine, because of #7.