Mother’s Day Reflection: What I’m Sorry and Not Sorry For

Assuming that I know what you needed, without asking you what you needed.

Being distracted when you spoke to me because I have 1001 things on my mind which you shouldn’t have to suffer for.

Rationalizing that I needed to be thinking about or doing something else so that I can eventually be more present with you.

The circumstances where I overreacted and didn’t take the time to check in with myself as to how I was thinking or feeling.

For carrying over negative personality and character traits that I’m personally responsible for and some which go back many generations.

All the times I wasn’t the best role model for you.

Not following up with you on things that were important to you.

Embarrassing you when I meant to and the times when I didn’t mean to.

Not being there for all your proud moments that we can never get back.

Worrying about you, keeping you from doing the things you wanted to do because of the worry, and inhibiting your independence and maturity in the process.

Insisting that you acquire and cultivate my set of values, rather than formulate your own.

Accusing you of things without hearing your side of the story.

Insisting that I know better, even though I know you have taught me a thing or two.

Having hard times saying I’m sorry and struggled to admit that I was at fault.

Judging you and automatically expecting that you’ll behave a certain way.

Expecting that you would be my corrective experience and that I could work through how I was parented through parenting you.

What I’m Not Sorry For

I’m not sorry for..

Letting you fail, failure is our best life lessons.

For allowing you to feel a full range of feelings, even the negative ones. As a human being, we feel all feelings. The experiences will better enable you to develop coping skills.

Working as hard as I do, sometimes at the expense of family time, to ensure that you have access to the resources you need.

Worrying about you. With love, often comes a lot of worry.

Ensuring your safety. The world is a different place than it was when I grew up.

Being rigid about the household rules. Structure and predictability is helpful for you.

Sometimes making decisions on behalf of you instead of including you in the process. My maturity and experience enabled me to learn a lot about life and decision making and I often talk from firsthand experience.

Being imperfect. I try my best and commit to continued growth as a person and as a parent.

Asking or initiating you getting out of your comfort zone. It helps you to build resilience and grit.

Teaching you morals and values, and constantly repeating them, even though I may sound painfully annoying to you. Repetition is what helps your learning.

Letting you know all that I do for you and expect that you’re respectful and show gratitude toward me. Gratitude is not inborn, it’s developed over time.

Informing you how difficult life can be and sometimes is. I want to prepare you for whatever may come your way as you grow older.

Saying I’m sorry lets you know how deeply committed I am to my parenting. I will continue to examine myself and strive to be a better parent. You deserve that.

I write this because life is much sweeter with you in it. I’m grateful for you and all that you are. Even though we may not always see eye to eye or feel connected, know I’m here for you. I’ll be the first one to help you when you need help of any kind.

You’re my most prized possession and everything I ever dreamed you would be. I love you in my heart and in my head. I will forever and always cherish and adore you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to parent you. I’ll never be sorry for loving you, nurturing you, or being your biggest fan.

Mother’s Day Reflection: What I’m Sorry and Not Sorry For

Michelle Maidenberg, Ph.D.

My name is Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., MPH, LCSW-R. I am the President/Clinical Director of Westchester Group Works, a Center for Group Therapy in Harrison, NY and maintain a private practice.