It has been ten years now, and I have never looked at a cucumber in the same way. Gay Panda has to go grocery shopping today and will yet again look askance at the bin in the produce section.

Loose Screw was fresh off her second or third divorce, and she had decided it was time to go wild. The husband was out; the kids were grown and gone. Everyone had been having fun in life except her for the last 60 years, and now she could make up for it. Threesomes. Toys. Foursomes. Leatherwear. Bisexuality. Phone sex. Swing clubs. She juggled up to three relationships at a time and transformed her bedroom into a jungle of revolving partners made up of long-term friends and newly-acquainted. It was 50 Shades of Gray for the retirement set.

Over the Internet she made a new friend to welcome to the jungle. A wealthy and attractive man from Europe, he was the heir to a shipping empire. Flirty conversations ensued over the keyboards, and she invited him over to her house for introductions in the flesh and sexy times. Then she waited for the knock.

When it came, she opened the door. He stood there with a bright smile and a giant cucumber in his hand. You might be wondering why he had brought a cucumber as a sexual aid when he was fully functional in his nether regions, and let me explain.

It was not for her.

Afterwards, they made a salad with it.

You’re welcome. And now I have to go shopping.

Me to.

yeah, but "hey i'm Khan the sword king" is not normal.... the universe is being fickle... this is a thing... ignore me for a few weeks.

HA! Me, too! About 9 years ago... synthroid does not help you lose weight, it just keeps you from gaining a ton when the slow side takes over.... and the older you get, the more the slow side takes over... O to be in my 30's when the last the fast side took over and I lost 150 lbs in 6 months. I thought I was FABULOUS. Then it did a quick U-Turn and came back with a vengeance. However, I did get cleared for bariatric surgery because of it. Fat lot of good that surgery did! Just take your meds faithfully and maybe you won't lose too much hair. It grows back!

I don't want to lose any more hair than I already have!

Luckily, I haven't been knocked quite as flat on my ass with this increase in dosage. Only semi-flat. I don't have much energy, but I'm awake enough to work.

sorry. please let me introduce myself. I am a lurker. I have been reading this blog and I feel your pain. At 7 years old, I was put on antibiotics for one year per doctors orders due to consistent strep throat. My first school pic after that shows a fatter, blown up tic version of me. Years later, I was struggling as a teen with several ED's due to trying to lose weight, a life long struggle. I did over aerobics (go Flashdance albumen!)* and only lost weight when I was starving and working out like a "maniac". I struggled my whole life until, I was 325 lbs. I thought I was the problem. I walked and took ephedra until I could walk no more. I felt like a total failure because I could not keep the weight off. I went to the doctor for exhaustion. I had lost 150 lbs in 6 months and she checked and re-checked my charts to make sure I was the same patient. She held out a piece of paper and I could not keep it steady. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I went into a back slide (thanks thyroid!) and gained back to 284. I was on 300 mcg of Synthroid and still had thyroid storms. I was cleared for bariatric surgery in March 2007. I lost very slow, I was crushed. I was not a success story. Eventually, I lost enough to be at 175 lbs. And my body TANKED. I began the upward crawl to 240 lbs. even though I was starving, working my ass off, and going to Weight Watchers (losers!) and I was still crawling. I gave up wheat, and then through this website, all grains. NO CHANGE. I thought hard.. What if, when I was seven, the docs unknowingly killed all my flora, good and bad. What if, I took probiotics, I could lose?
I have been taking Primal Flora for 2.5 weeks. I am down 6 lbs with no changes to my diet. This makes sense! My gut flora had been wiped out when I was 7 and my family heredity gave my a thyroid disease. Did I mention I live near TMI? So much pain not necessary. I have made the medical industry a LOT of money.

I'm sorry it took me so long to read this. I've gotten caught up in a viciously stupid book and wanted to finish it before I leave on a road trip this week. Your gut flora story is fascinating! I hope the probiotics continue to work for you; I'd like to learn more about that when I return from my trip. And it's awful how we feel like total failures when in this aspect of our bodies, we are not in control.

Speaking of erotica, I was reading a Look Inside of a naughty book the other day and ran into this description: 'her breasts were like small countries'.

Is this erotic to you? It just seems awkward to me, and I wondered if that made her nipples the capitols of these countries.

Ugh, not erotic. That goes in the same category with descriptors such as 'turgid' and 'tumescent'. One can only hope the author continued the metaphor all the way through the entire story. I might read that, but not for the reasons the author would hope.

I also couldn't get through the Twilight series and I will read just about anything. I made it through the 1st book with all of the pent-up enthusiasm of a 14 year old girl, and slogged my way through the 2nd. I gave up partway through the 3rd, when reason and a love for genuine dialogue forced my hand. I feel some shame for having enjoyed the 1st one enough to keep going, but that series was designed for horny 14 year old girls who want to experience lust but are afraid of the reality and I still remember what that feels like.

There are a couple of other books I couldn't finish - Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis was a stinking pile of poo and it made me angry that he probably made a bunch of money to write it. I hated it so much that it was thrown on my bedroom floor and left unloved and unwanted for months. So many months, in fact, that the library informed me that I was now the proud owner of said book. My rage returned and I went down to the library and paid the $25 fee, then promptly donated the book back to the library. I told them they were welcome to burn it to save others from my fate, but it turns out librarians don't respond well to suggestions of book burning.