My Before and After Life

A story of the sometimes prickly relationship between adult children and their parents

In Risa Miller’s new novel, the first since the highly–acclaimed Welcome to Heavenly Heights—one family member tries on a faith that seems like a bad fit for the rest. Honey and Susan, two sisters in Boston, are shocked to learn that their elderly father has embraced Orthodox Judaism whA story of the sometimes prickly relationship between adult children and their parents

In Risa Miller’s new novel, the first since the highly–acclaimed Welcome to Heavenly Heights—one family member tries on a faith that seems like a bad fit for the rest. Honey and Susan, two sisters in Boston, are shocked to learn that their elderly father has embraced Orthodox Judaism while on vacation in the Holy Land. His daughters fly to Israel to convince him to return, but when they get there they find it hard to communicate their concerns as he tries to educate them on the finer points of religious life. Honey feels abandoned and angry. But the anger turns into an emotion she can’t quite identify or accept during the course of the trip. And while she is still enraged, it becomes increasingly difficult for Honey to figure out exactly why she has condemned her father’s choice....more

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published
January 19th 2010
by St. Martin's Press
(first published 2010)

Community Reviews

Risa Miller is everything I dream of being. She's the author of two books, a professor of creative writing at a respectable secular college, and was the first woman to receive the PEN Award while wearing a sheitel. So I read this, her second book, not just for enjoyment, but for instruction.

I liked this book even more than her previous one, probably because of the familiar American setting. As the title suggests, it's a teshuva story, ie the story of someone who makes the transition from secularRisa Miller is everything I dream of being. She's the author of two books, a professor of creative writing at a respectable secular college, and was the first woman to receive the PEN Award while wearing a sheitel. So I read this, her second book, not just for enjoyment, but for instruction.

I liked this book even more than her previous one, probably because of the familiar American setting. As the title suggests, it's a teshuva story, ie the story of someone who makes the transition from secular Jew to Orthodox Jew, but with some unique twists. The person doing teshuva is the main character's elderly father, not some young college student. And the main character's reaction to this is largely negative. This is not a happy book. It is, however, a realistic portrayal of some of the anti-Orthodox attitudes that pervade the secular Jewish world.

There are many interesting details about the family that exacerbate the conflict. First, the mother died when the main character was only twelve, so the shadow of death looms large for this family. Second, the main character is a lawyer assigned to a case between her local community and an Orthodox day school, a subplot that gives voice to all the anti-Orthodox prejudices of her clients. And third, her sister runs a non-kosher seafood restaurant - lobster, clams, the works! (One of the things that really got me in the gut was the portrayal of that sister's mother-in-law, but I won't share the details. Suffice it to say that she sums up the older generation of assimilated Jews I grew up with.) The sister herself is in charge of the decor of the restaurant, living a life absorbed in the superficial. But because of this, she's unmoved by the father's changes and therefore, less conflicted than the main character.

Like I said, this is not a happy book. As a frum Jew raised secular, I find it very true-to-life, but I wonder what a secular Jew would think.

In the first part of the book, the author writes as though she is leading up to a big life-changing event. And in the second part, the author writes like there WAS a big life-changing event. But the event itself is really downplayed, and could easily be missed. Additionally, the secondary storyline of the day school was handled horribly and didn't have as much relevance as the author clearly wanted it to have.

An excellent example of why you need to show not tell a story. The conflict never grabbed -- even though I was poised to allow credibility to both sides. The telling was also not very coherent. In all, a disappointing read.

This book was very hard to get through. The author seems to be building to a big confrontation between religious Jews and a neighborhood group, with the actual resolution a total let down. (It basically boiled down to, "If the ghost of your mother could see you now, what do you think she'd say?")

On a personal level, the protagonist seems to be struggling with her own religious views after her father becomes a "born again" Jew. Her ending seems just as disappointing as the above.

I've read much beThis book was very hard to get through. The author seems to be building to a big confrontation between religious Jews and a neighborhood group, with the actual resolution a total let down. (It basically boiled down to, "If the ghost of your mother could see you now, what do you think she'd say?")

On a personal level, the protagonist seems to be struggling with her own religious views after her father becomes a "born again" Jew. Her ending seems just as disappointing as the above.

I've read much better books about Judaism. Do yourself a favour and avoid this plodding mess....more

I REALLY wanted to like "Before and After Life." I wasn't raised in a "frum" family, and had my own experience with teshuva. I certainly have relatives who don't seem to get it (but none who are quite as obstinent about it as Susan and Honey). I've also read many lauditory articles about Risa Miller.

I simply couldn't get into it, but kept reading. As I read further, it became more and more unreadable. I think what I couldn't handle was the way that it felt so scripted and all of the charactersI REALLY wanted to like "Before and After Life." I wasn't raised in a "frum" family, and had my own experience with teshuva. I certainly have relatives who don't seem to get it (but none who are quite as obstinent about it as Susan and Honey). I've also read many lauditory articles about Risa Miller.

I simply couldn't get into it, but kept reading. As I read further, it became more and more unreadable. I think what I couldn't handle was the way that it felt so scripted and all of the characters seemed to be put into a box. ...more

Having read Risa Miller's first book, I was eager to pick this one up when it came out. I tried so hard to get through it, but got bored of it halfway through. There just wasn't anything particularly gripping or interesting about it, I didn't like the characters. I wish I had liked it, but I just didn't.

This would have probably been a lot more meaningful read if the main characters had ever managed to actually finish a conversation instead of changing the subject, dropping the subject or swallowing what they were going to say next.