"The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore."

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

When Bad Movies Attack

I watch a lot of random bad movies on cable. Frequently, I'll find some way to justify watching something bad - "oh, it has Gary Oldman/Christopher Walken in it" (I use that one a lot) or "come on, it's Billy Madison, how can you not love Billy Madison." But I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why I got sucked into watching Rumor Has It.

Admittedly, the movie wasn't horrible - I've seen worse romantic comedies (Runaway Bride and Forces of Nature immediately spring to mind). In case you're unfamiliar with the plot, a young woman (Jennifer Aniston) returns home to Southern California for her younger sister's wedding, where she realizes that her mother and grandmother may have been the inspiration for Mrs. Robinson and Elaine in The Graduate. So she seeks out Beau Burroughs (aka Benjamin Braddock - played by Kevin Costner) and ends up sleeping with him and freaks out, because she thinks he may be her father. This much of the film is actually not that bad in theory, but the execution is questionable. Jennifer Aniston is cute enough (although suspension of disbelief is required to figure out why someone as attractive as her can't meet men), but I haven't found Kevin Costner attractive since Bull Durham and even that's only because of the "Well, I believe in the soul..." speech* he gives to Susan Sarandon's character. Now I really want to watch Bull Durham...

Anyway, because having Jennifer Aniston end up with a man old enough to be her father is vaguely icky, there is another character. Enter Mark Ruffalo, whose character is completely superfluous. He plays Jennifer Aniston's fiance and is basically only there at three key points in the film: the beginning, to establish their relationship; the middle, to tell her that the engagement is off because she's fooling around with Kevin Costner; and the end, to tell her that he accepts her apology and wants to marry her. I adore Ruffalo as an actor, but there is nothing interesting about his part in the film. I guess Rumor Has It gets points for having a cute idea, but unfortunately, it still... sucks.

And yes, I am fully aware that I devoted nearly 500 words to a crappy romantic comedy. I'm sorry. What do you want from me?

*Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.