A God Called Bruce Pt. 03

I woke up in Hera's bed with her naked body pushing into my side. This is a dangerous thing to do to a man with a piss fat as she found out when I turned her over and ploughed into her without as much as a tweak of a nipple or a rub of her twat. She didn't need it, she was dripping wet.

"Why is it we always start our fucks with a violent grab and no foreplay?" I asked over breakfast.

"I don't know exactly, it is just when I touch your body I have this overwhelming need to have you inside me."

"You didn't show much of it yesterday when you and Demeter held me down so Hestia could give me a hand job."

"Oh, but you are so wrong. It drove me crazy. For hours afterwards I was running around in circles not knowing what to do. In the end I just abducted you."

"I don't understand you Gods. You are above us all, you don't need sleep, you don't need to eat or drink, you don't need sex and yet you are the horniest, pisspot, gluttons I've ever met. This Oympus is worse than Peyton Place."

"What you don't understand is that we are as human as you, we just have an extra dimension. When we tap into our human side we are human with all the beauty and flaws of humanity that implies. We don't need to eat or drink, true. If we do, we need to go to the toilet and get pissed like everyone else. You've seen me drunk and horny and asleep. Throughout all of this I was still Hera, the supreme Goddess with enormous powers. I just chose to indulge in my human side. The Gods did not create the universe, even though some of us claim credit. We are not creators, we are administrators. I should know. I have been around long enough."

"Then why indulge in human pursuits, with all the troubles that go with it?"

"Believe me, being God is boring, being human is much more fun. But enough of that. You must go to work now, your destiny awaits you. Call me when you want me."

"How do I do that?"

"Use Demeter's charm. In case you don't already know, the three of us come as a package. Think of us as a trinity. You deal with one of us, you deal with all, whether you are aware of it or not. The men are the same, when you deal with Zeus, you deal with Poseidon and Hades. Now go, before I bed you again."

Hera put her arms around me and kissed my cheek, the next minute I was standing in Bruce's backyard.

The whole gang was there as usual at that time of day. They all stared at me and burst out laughing.

"Whose bed did you get tossed out of?" said Bruce amongst gales of laughter. That's when I realised I was bullock naked. That bitch Hera had sent me here without clothes.

Marge was being a proper little shit. Instead of hexing some clothes onto me, which she could have easily done, she went into the house, got some of Bruce's clothes and put them on the far end of the table. I had to walk around the whole group to get to them and get dressed in front of everybody. They were still howling with laughter.

Having provided the entertainment for the day, I sat down and had some of the ever present beer. I needed it.

Eventually everyone settled down, disappointed because I would not tell them where I'd been. I wanted to know how the technogeeks were getting on with the computer interfacing. Gadeirus told me that they had managed to contact the AI of the system and were getting help. The interface was completed but hadn't been tested yet. That was today's job.

We went to the complex together. Gadeirus was using a terminal in the workshop, rather than one upstairs in the control centre.

"This is a maintenance terminal," he explained to me. "From here we can test things without affecting the system. The AI reckons we are ready to connect my tablet. I am having the jitters."

"Why would you have the jitters Gadeirus? Don't you trust the AI?"

"The problem is, I have only that one tablet. If the tablet gets destroyed in the process we are left with nothing. And yet, connect it I must if I want to hand the data over to the AI so we can communicate in English."

"Didn't you tell me that you have managed to connect the tablet to Earth type computers so it could use the internet?"

He nodded.

"Connect the AI to Darrin's computer. If that blows up we simply get another one until you get it right. When you are satisfied that everything works, have the AI access your tablet via Darrin's computer. I realise that this introduces a bottleneck with the digital interfaces but after a short while your AI should have enough data to access the tablet directly and safely."

Gadeirus looked at me in astonishment.

"I knew there was a reason you are the boss and we are the shit-kickers. That's it! No doubt this is the way to go. Never occurred to me. I'll get onto it right away. Thanks.".

I went to see Vulcan. He was busy in the big metal workshop with its lathes, milling machines and casting equipment.

"Sit down Alec," he greeted me, "have a beer, I need a break anyway, my leg is giving me pepper."

"Hang on a sec," I said, went to the power spot and teleported home. I got some Tiger Balm from my cupboard, the stuff I use when I have muscle pain.

"Here, try this. Rub it into you leg and see if it helps," I said when I returned, handing him the jar with the red salve.

I could see he wasn't really keen but he tried it anyway. He had probably been given a lot of stuff over the centuries that did nothing. After a few moments his features relaxed.

"This stuff is good," he said, "It doesn't rid me of the pain, but it sure takes the cutting edge off it. Thank you. Now I am fit enough to go home and shoe a horse."

"That's something I haven't done for a long time, can I come with you?"

"You know how to shoe a horse?" Vulcan seemed surprised.

"This is how I got into engineering," I explained. "I grew up in a small rural town. Down the street from us was a blacksmith. I liked the old man. Like you, he had a bad leg and couldn't get around as well as he wanted. After school I ran little errands for him, got him his groceries, his laundry and things. I got to hold stuff for him when two hands weren't enough, that sort of thing. I was only a kid, but a strong lad for my age, so after a while he started teaching me things like knocking a piece of steel into the shape you wanted, how to harden and weld and how to shoe horses. There were still a lot of working horses in those days, so there were one or two every day that needed doing.

"He didn't like factory made shoes, he made his own. While he was doing that, I talked to the horses, took their old shoes off and prepared the hoofs for shoeing. The old man would then hot seat them and nail them in. I loved it all, even the acrid smell when the hot shoe hit the hoof and made it smoke. When I graduated from High School I went to study engineering. The old man died during my first semester. No one told me, I could not even go to his funeral. There are no blacksmiths in town any more, no more working horses either. I miss them."

"Shall we go then?" I had a feeling Vulcan was eager to find out if I had been bullshitting."

"Just a sec," I said, went over to where Bruce was working and asked him to whip up some cube sugar for me.

"What do you want cube sugar for?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Vulcan and I are off to shoe a horse."

"That's one way to keep a horse happy," he grinned and gave me enough to fill my pocket.

I went back to Vulcan and he took me to his place. Vulcan's forge. A place where few mortals have ever been. It didn't look much different from the blacksmith's shops I had known. The Forge was a fairly modern forge with an electric blower.

"I thought you used a small volcano for a forge." I said.

"No," he said, "pissed that off long ago. The thing stank too much and was blowing sulphur fumes where I didn't want them. This is better."

The usual pliers, tongs and hammers hung on the wall, an anvil, nothing I had not seen before and all the bits and pieces that belong in there including the pissbucket in the corner.

"Bet you don't know what this is for," said Vulcan pointing to the bucket.

"Sure do," I said, "the old man had one of these. Got us all to piss in it. He said that nothing will put a harder edge on a chisel than tempering it in piss.'

"I think I would have liked the old man," said Vulcan.

We heard a bit of a pop and there was this magnificent stallion before us. No other horse I knew of had a green mane, it had to be Arion, Demeter's son, Vulcan's cousin.

"Aren't you a beautiful boy?" I said, stepping up to him, stroking his neck softly and offering him some sugar with my other hand. Arion took the sugar gently and hardly moved as I went around him, stroking his hide and telling him what a well built fellow he was. Once I had made my round I gave him some more sugar.

"You seem to get on with horses, now lets see what you can do." Vulcan tossed me a leather bag with farrier tools. I picked up one of the leather aprons that were hanging on the wall, donned it, grabbed the bag and went to start on Arion's right back hoof.

I took off the old shoe and got rid of the nails. Next, I carefully cleaned and trimmed the hoof, being very gentle around the frog, where a horse is very sensitive, That done I proceeded to plane the sole at the correct angle using a rasp. While I was doing this I told Arion the story of Cinderella. The old man had written this version and inserted little songs. If you did it right, by the time the story was over, the horse was ready for the shoes. Horses loved it.

Vulcan watched me closely as I did the first hoof, then nodded his approval and went to make the shoes. As I worked my way around the horse Arion stood like a statue, listening to every word I said.

When I finished I gave him some more sugar and said:

"Is that alright for you Arion?"

"How do you know my name?" Arion seemed surprised.

"Ain't too many fucking horses around with green manes," I said.

Arion laughed out loud. "That's exactly what Bruce said when I asked him the same question."

Vulcan went to burn in the shoes and nail them down. He didn't need me for that.

I kept talking to Arion.

"Why did you tell me a story and sing me little songs?"

"The old blacksmith who taught me wrote this. He said horses loved this kind of thing. You are not the first horse I told this to. They all seemed to like it, even really nervous horses calmed down once I started."

"You had a good teacher. You are a kind man, no wonder my mother likes you. You know, she no longer runs around looking like a whore because of you?"

I said nothing. I felt I was better off not to get into this can of worms. By that time Vulcan had finished. Arion thanked us both and disappeared.

"Arion likes you. It is good to have a friend like that. One day you might need a quick getaway."

I laughed. "Vulcan," I said, " why does Arion need horseshoes? Wild horses don't need them, as their feet wear down naturally. It is only because of unnatural conditions that horses require them."

"He likes chasing cars. I had to build him a pedometer so he could tell how fast he was going. He reckoned his fastest ever was 120 kilometres per hour on a German Autobahn."

"Doesn't he freak the motorists out when he does shit like that?"

"Nah, he just makes himself invisible. Problem solved."

The medallion around my neck started to glow.

"Someone wants you," laughed Vulcan, "see you tomorrow."

I grabbed the medallion, wondering which one of the three wanted to talk to me. Next minute I stood before Hera, naked.

"I though you might want your clothes back," she grinned, "but first, some of this.'

She grabbed me and we both tumbled onto the bed. It was on again.

Chapter 22: A Chat with Zeus

I woke up in my own bed for a change. Hera must have thought I needed to recover a little, that's why she hexed me home. I had a shower, got dressed and was on my way to the kitchen when I saw Zeus' door open. I stuck my head in and gave him a wave. He sat on his favourite bench. Kia was with him.

"Come in my boy," he said, "have breakfast with me. I feel like company."

I excused myself for a second and went into the kitchen to get a bowl of cherries for Kia. As I bent down to put the bowl in front of her she licked me across the face again; Kia's thank you. I gave her some scratchies and after that she munched happily on the cherries.

"She loves cherries. I must get some more, the box is nearly empty."

"Kia loves these cherries because they are special," said Zeus. "She could manifest mountains of cherries to feed on if she wanted to, but they would be ordinary cherries, not like these."

"What makes these cherries so special to her?"

"These cherries are imbued with love. You went out of your way to get them for her because you love her and wanted to see her happy. This is what she feeds on. She loves you. Kia knows there is no malice in you, if there was she would not let you see her."

Zeus waved his hand and a table laden with food and two chairs appeared. He pointed to one of the chairs and bade me to sit down. There was a huge American truck style breakfast where I sat and the usual Greek titbits and a pitcher of Retsina where Zeus sat.

"I thought you needed a big breakfast after last night," he grinned.

I looked at him stunned. How the fuck did he know? Zeus saw my surprise. He chuckled and said: "In spite of the shower, you still smell of Hera. She would have torn you half to pieces considering the mood she is in lately. Eat my boy, you need your strength if you want to keep up with those three."

"And you don't mind?" I stammered.

"Not in the slightest. This is the best possible outcome, especially for me. Ever since I seduced Hera and made her my wife the bitch has been on my back. Especially whenever she found out about my little extra marital excursions. Even after she stopped screwing me, centuries ago, she would not leave me alone and have her spies on me. That all changed when I caught her with your cream running down her leg.

"I had never been caught in such an obvious and blatant display of marital infidelity. She, on the other hand, had been well and truly caught. Since then she has left me alone. After millennia I am my own man again. No spies, no accusations, no confrontations, just peace. I actually get on with her alright now. Demeter isn't sore at me any more either for putting her up the stick. She has even forgiven Poseidon for raping her. You are making a lot of difference.

"In spite of how they carry on, the three of them are actually very horny bitches when they get going, apart from Hestia, of course. I made my dick thinner than a pencil and still could not get up her, neither could Poseidon. Hestia would have loved to play, she just couldn't. Now I hear you want to get that fixed too. I hope you can free her of that curse. The poor thing could do with a break.

"In answer to your original question; no, I don't mind you putting a bit into Hera or the others. If it was up to me I would make you a God right now. But this I am not allowed to do. It's in your destiny and will happen one day, but not now. You're needed the way you are for the time being."

"If you can't make such a decision, who can? Who is senior to the Supreme God of the universe?" I was mystified. Hera had hinted at this. I wondered who or what that superior power was.

"Even the Gods are subject to the Fates, whatever they are. What the Fates decree no God can rent asunder."

This wasn't going anywhere further so I changed the subject and told Zeus how Vulcan and I had shod Arion so he could go and chase cars again. Zeus laughed at the story.

"I knew you would get on well with my son," he said, "I am happy. He has few friends. Like Hera I did not like him at first. He has grown on me over the centuries because of his skill and steadfastness which is unsurpassed in Olympus. He is the only one who ever put Hera in her place and extracted his revenge from her."

"This I've got to hear. Will you tell me what happened?"

"You have possibly heard that when Hephaestus, as he was known then, was born Hera took an instant dislike to him because she thought him ugly. She threw the newly born from Olympus into exile. After sailing through space for a full day he landed on Earth, breaking both his legs in the fall. One of his legs did not heal properly and he has been lame ever since.

"There are various accounts as to who cared for him and raised him. Hephaestus never talks about that period of his life, so no one really knows what happened. All we know is that he took up the trade of a blacksmith. He was, and is, the ultimate craftsman. His fame spread, not just because of his superb work, but also for his honesty in dealing with his customers.

"The Gods became his clients after a while and it took some time for someone to realise just who this talented craftsman was. Some of the Gods pleaded with Hera to re-admit him to Olympus but she remained hostile to the idea.

"Over time all the best weapons as well as most of the thrones on Olympus had been forged by Hephaestus. I had to admit that this son of mine was good and valuable and I went to see him. I made my peace with him and took up his cause with Hera. She remained adamant.

"I suggested to Hephaestus to make a throne for her as some sort of peace offering. To my surprise he readily agreed. He created a thing of unrivalled beauty. When it was shown to Hera she fell immediately in love with it. She had it installed in her throne room and arranged for a big banquet. At the end of the banquet she sat on it for the very first time. Everybody expected her as her first act on the new throne to release Hephaestus from exile.

"No such thing happened. Hera broke into a big rant about the disastrous day on which she had born the abomination called Hephaestus and insisted no bribe would ever be sufficient for her to release him from exile. Her decree shocked most of those present. Even Gods that didn't like Hephaestus thought her treatment of him undeserved and cruel.

"The fun started when Hera began to scream and curse in the foulest language anyone had ever heard on Olympus. It took a while before we found out what had happened. Hephaestus had done something to the throne that prevented Hera from getting up or using her powers. All she could do was scream and yell, no muscle followed her command. She was stuck.

"The mirth in the banquet hall was unequalled. Never had Olympus roared with such laughter. Demeter and Hestia tried to pull her out of that accursed throne but they couldn't get close enough to touch her or the throne.

"You know what happens when the Gods indulge in food and drink. Nature calls. Hera held it for a while but soon it became too much and brown and yellow issued forth from her orifices running down her legs and dripping through the seat. This did nothing to improve Hera's mood, especially when they found that the only way to get rid of the worst of the stuff was throwing buckets of water at her from a distance.

"Hephaestus let her sit in her shit for a very long time. After a while Hera was all angered out and fell into a deep depression. The Gods sent delegations to Hephaestus asking him too release his mother, to which he answered: What mother? I have no mother.

"Eventually Dionysus had an idea. Being the God of wine and drunkards he knew that Hephaestus was partial to a drop. They had often got drunk together in the past, so when he turned up at the forge with a barrel of premium wine Hephaestus did not think it unusual. Dionysus got him so drunk he lost consciousness. He transported him to Olympus on the back of a donkey and dumped him in front of Hera. Word got around and everyone turned up for the show.