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How to Buy A New Car and Still Remain the Most Boring Person Alive

*I have been going through all of my old drafts and either publishing them as is, finishing them, or trashing them. This one was from May 25, 2012.*

There is one thing I have perfected and that’s how to buy a new car and still retain my status as the most boring person on the face on the planet. No, I didn’t lease a station wagon or a minivan. I’m not that boring.

When I purchased my 2004 Toyota Corolla back in the Fall of 2003, I promised myself that I would drive it until it died…and I did. That ended up being nine car years. I expected its life span to stretch a bit longer, but apparently, my subconscious felt the need recreate Jane Manfield’s biggest mistake, minus the scalping and death thing, of course.

Bumping into a tractor trailer can cause irreparable damage to your car and/or yourself. Thankfully, Zeus was looking out for me that day and allowed me to walk away with only a bruised knee and an empty stomach…just like he did in February when Brian’s car bumped the neighbor’s. After the police discussed with me about the incident, the men in blue abandoned me on the side of Route 130 in a parking lot belonging to a establishment named the Liquor Barn and because I had no cash and didn’t particularly want to drink in a parking lot a few miles east of Camden, NJ, I did not venture inside.

Fast forward one week and I find myself in a car dealership. The world has changed since my last vehicular purchase. Even I have changed, but only slightly.

After picking out a sensible, economic car, one with low gas mileage, my husband and I sit at a desk in the showroom. The salesperson says, “You are already in the system.”

“I bought my Corolla here.”

“Do you still live at ______?”

“Yes.”

“Is _____ still your home phone?”

“Yes.”

“We also have ____”

“That’s my work phone. I’m still working at the same place.”

“We need two references of that don’t live within the same house as you. You have Deanne listed from last time, can we still use her?”

“Yes.”

“George is also listed. Can we use him?”

“Yes”

“He lives in the same place and has the same phone number?”

“Yes.”

Well. at least I am sitting in a different spot and the car is a different model and a darker shade of gray.