Study: Marijuana Not Linked to Behavioral Issues, Dad

A new study from Penn’s Perelman School of Medicine shows conclusive evidence that recreationally consumed marijuana does not have the negative effects on behavior that were previously associated with the drug. So get off my back about it, Dad, Jesus fucking Christ. You can't stop me from smoking.

Additionally, the study shows that marijuana has “little to no impact” on academic performance for high school and college-aged students. So like, leave me alone about my grades. Why are you so obsessed with my grades? What are you, the grades police? I’m honestly trying really hard, and this literally has nothing to do with weed, so, just like, fuck you.

Furthermore, marijuana consumption is not linked to emotional outbursts, so suck my dick, Dad. You are literally the worst and I hate you.

You know, Mom’s new boyfriend Toby smokes weed too sometimes, and he’s way cooler than you. He introduced me to Phish and he drives a convertible. You drive a Ford Focus and teach middle school Spanish, you loser. It’s pretty obvious that Mom loves him more than she loves you. So how about you chill the fuck out about my weed smoking and work on yourself for a little bit, Dad.