Friday, May 29, 2009

And here we go with some more good stuff...may this make you LOL...literally. This should get ya through for a while...

April 25 - "Oscar, Toby, and I are founding members of the Finer Things Club. We meet once a month to discuss books and art, celebrate culture in a very civilized way. Sometimes the debate can get heated, but we're always respectful. There is no paper, no plastic, and no work talk allowed. It's very exclusive." (Pam)

April 28 - "I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure. Just less." (Jim, about his first night away together with Pam--on Dwight's beet farm)

April 29 - "So here's the deal. I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination lawsuit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs." (Michael)

May 9 - "This is what a true survivorman does. You simulate disaster, like a plane wreck, you can only wear the clothes that you have on, and you can only use the stuff that you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster [Dwight] is a serial killer, creepy guy, who has abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead." (Michael)

May 11 - "People say, 'Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace.' Well, I say it's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose." (Dwight)

May 12 - "I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I am a genie in a bottle and I am going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend." (Michael)

May 13 - "Four million dollars! Man. That's a lot of guacamole--a lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers and I've also thrown in some 'ers' and 'ahs' just to make it seem like it's not memorized. Perfect crime." (Michael)

May 14 - "The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The party-planning committee is my back-up, and Kevin's band is my safety." (Andy)

May 16 - "I don't talk trash. I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical. Like, 'Your mom is so fat she could eat the Internet.' But smack talk is happening like right now. Like, 'You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.'" (Kelly)

May 18 - "I lied to Michael, I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him, I will even let him die, but I will never let him lose his dignity." (Dwight)

May 19 - "He's just going to tell the truth. The truth is very, you know, complicated. So we went over it carefully. And, just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment." (Jan)

May 20 - "Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine Alfredo, and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Today I had a triumph of the human body. My guts. My heart. While I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I am very, very proud of that." (Michael)

May 24 - "I am totally alone right now with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm lovin' it! I can literally say anything I want. No one is going to hear me...Wish I could've gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! My girlfriend has plastic boobs! I--HAVE--HEMORRHOIDS!...Doesn't even matter." (Michael)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

So, are you having withdrawals yet? With the news of a certain power couple's new addition, I thought I would take us back to the days when it was just the 2 of them...and this is the first of a couple rather lengthy excerpts sure to make you grin...

April 24 - "Oh, hey, I know you--Elizabeth! Right?...Wow. Very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check for three hundred and forty dollars made out to 'science.' Make sure that gets into the right hands." (Michael)

April 30 - "Do I believe Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no I do not." (Dwight)

May 1 - Michael: "How can I get you to stay?" Stanley: "Money." Michael: "We all want money. But there is none in the budget so...tell me why you're really leaving." Stanley: "Money." Michael: "Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that."

May 4 - "I can make a difference. Remember I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this G.D. 5K." (Michael)

May 7 - "Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life, and business, are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy." (Michael)

May 8 - "Besides my relationships with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me." (Oscar)

May 15 - "Well, it's been tough. The geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial. And tonight they are airing the brain-dead version. So, welcome one and all to the world premiere of corporate crap-fest." (Michael)

May 25 - "Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who are both already prone to unpleasantness." (Pam)