Jokes: The Gritty Hollywood Reboot

A: To get to the other side. The better question is: Why did it subsequently cross back later, under cover of night, with a sawed-off shotgun and its wattles streaked with blood.

- - -

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Marlene, why must we continue this charade? It’s not going to bring our son back.

- - -

Q: What time should you go to the dentist?

A: At “two-thirty.” Because that’s when the hygienist is out to lunch, and you can properly “interrogate” him over whom he sold the dirty bomb to.

- - -

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?

A: The streets of Gotham, as my parents’ bodies slumped to them before my 12-year-old eyes.

- - -

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “Hey doc, my brother’s crazy! He thinks he’s a chicken.” The doc says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” — and motioning to the couch, he continues, “Let’s drill into that. Sounds like you and your brother are still working out some trust issues from the ‘boating accident’”

- - -

Q: When is a door not a door?

A: When Sergei and his thugs smash through it, spraying the entire kidney-harvesting lab with bullets, and demanding to know, “WHERE’S BLUKOWSKY????”

- - -

The only thing worse than being talked about is being eavesdropped on by The FatherBorgs, as you and the other Selected Ones crouch in your cells, awaiting battle in the dystopic twilight of TeenKill Arena.

- - -

Yo Mama’s so fat — as a result of the American agro-industrial complex, which we will now spend 70 minutes exploring.

- - -

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter named Nan
Ran away with the man
And as for the money, it’s currently going to fund a maverick teacher’s plan to teach inner-city schoolchildren how to raise their test scores — and self-esteem — through playing bocce ball.

- - -

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” and all three look at each other and say, “An answer to what kind of God allowed what just happened in this small Pennsylvania steel town.”