Cultural pressure to submit to the scissors after a certain age seems rife with an unkind and unspoken subtext that because long locks are a sign of vibrancy and sexiness, it’s a social contradiction to see such styles on women who have wrinkles and crow’s-feet.

When I was 15, I cut my long hair because I wanted to look serious, sophisticated and strong. I wore it that way for almost 20 years, sometimes in a cut so short that even my lesbian boss referred to it as “butchy.” Then I dated a man who loved long, Barbie-style hair. He encouraged me to grow out my chin-length bob. Unfortunately, his campaign for longer hair felt controlling, so I rebelled by keeping it short. When our relationship crashed and I started dating again, I grew it long. (Why yes, there was an element of “fuck you” to that decision. How’d you guess?). Now, it’s halfway down my back. But will I have to cut it short again someday to conform to society’s stereotype of middle-aged women?

Judging by this week’s FFT, we’re all quite proud of our glorious manes. Feel free to weigh in on long vs. short and whether “age-appropriate” applies to hairstyles.

35 Responses to “Hair Matters”

I don’t think there’s anything inappropriate about Madame Secretary’s hair in that photo, but I admit, I find it “age inappropriate” when my co-worker in her 40s pulls her not-very-long hair into high pigtails. I don’t find pigtails cute on anyone over, say, 12.

I also see far too many women in their 50s and 60s wearing the hairstyles of their youth. I don’t know if that’s quite the same thing, though. I’m talking about a woman in her 60s who gets the same 1960 weekly wash-and-set she wore in her high school yearbook in 2010, and women ten years younger with the same long, parted-in-the-middle, untrimmed hair of their 1970s youth. Is looking dated a question of age-appropriate?

My best friend and I often talk about what kind of older lady we want to be. She’s set on a sprayed football helmet hair style, and she plans to terrify small children by throwing hard candy (Brach’s butterscotch, natch) at them from her giant convertible.
I hope to wear my hair long, and let it be pure white. I also plan to wear denim shirts with khaki pants, lots of silver and turquoise jewelry and cat-eye glasses. I plan to hang around in Parisian cafes, chatting to handsome (and possibly sexually conflicted) young men, sharing thoughts about theater and the arts as I sip a cappuccino and nibble a madeleine.

It has never occurred to me that short hair makes a woman look serious and that it is recommended for older women. I cut my hair when I was 16 and liked it very much. I rarely let it grow to my shoulders but then cut it short again, because I like it so much. Sometimes my mother tells me that it is time to grow it because I look like a child, it is time to become a “real and serious woman”, since I am already 28. I just like it short and don’t give a damn about seriousness, dress code, hairstyle code, etc. Most of my boyfriends really like it the short way too.

I want to cut my hair very short, not as an act of defiance. but because I really hate the feel of hair on my neck. I never style it except to pull it into a bun or ponytail, so why have it at all? (I guess it is an act of defiance of sorts.) Right now the only thing that’s stopping me is that I don’t have a stylist, and I’m afraid as a walk in, they’ll take one look at me, see a woman in her mid-thirties and give me that weird, asymmetrical Kate Gosselin cut. (I already had that hair — in 1988.)

On a more serious note, my grandma wore long hair throughout her seventies, and never succumbed to the pressure that women must have shorter hair past a certain age. I think it looked less dated than the cropped, permed cuts her sisters had.

I had short hair as a kid and teenager. It looks good on me, but I can’t stand the upkeep of getting it cut all the time and styling it. It tends to get all out of control unless there’s enough to weight it down. So it’s been hovering around shoulder length for the last 20 years.I intend to keep it longish and eventually start rocking an old lady bun.

As soon as men are required to change their hairstyle based not only on age but also current fashions, or risk being laughed at, I will care what hair women decide to have. Until then, I’m going to stick with my philosophy: if it feels good, wear it.

As a genderfluid person, hair is something I give quite a bit of thought. I currently have a sort of a pixie cut (although since my hair is naturally wavy, on a bad day I look sort of like Morrissey, with a puffy pompadour thing in front…) but I’ve always liked the idea of having really long. I’m a little afraid to do so not only because it would inhibit my naturally androgynous personality, but also because it would be an enormous hassle to take care of because my hair’s so damn thick. But the reason I got my current haircut in the first place nearly a year ago is to confound expectations, to myself as well as to others—prior to that I’d had literally the same haircut all my life, and I don’t want to get in that kind of stasis ever again, especially since I’ve come to discover this year that change is an intrinsic part of my self-expression, although I’m still working on getting comfortable with it. (And my femme side is more of a kooky faux-queen thing anyway.)

Woohoo, long hair! Mine has pretty much always been long, and I’m working on growing it as long as I can–right now it’s creeping past my butt. (I’m short, so it is a little easier for me than for others.) I think if I were ever to cut it, I would have to cut it really short–a bob or shorter–because a) a bob would look great on me and b) since I just stick it into a bun or braid most days, I wouldn’t want the upkeep of a serious “style.”

And you know, I might cut it someday. But if I do, it will be because I want to, not because society tells me to.

As I have mentioned before, my hair was down to my butt until I was about 18. I cut it off and it’s hovered between my ears and shoulders ever since. I definitely plan to be the sort of old lady who has very long white hair worn in a braid, but between now and then…who knows?

Mikki – I helped my old boss win a successful big for mayor in our town, despite his long white ponytail. Although mayor of a town of less than 10,000 in Connecticut might not really count as a “politician”.

I tried to rebel against the long-hair-as-sexy look when I was 18 but discovered a super short cut made me look like a chubby eight year old rather than “serious, sophisticated and strong”. Right now I’m resisting the Mom Haircut, just out of pure stubbornness. There’s nothing strong OR sexy about Mom Haircuts.

I’ve thought a lot about what I’m going to do with my hair as I get older. It’s wavy and thick and looks terrible short. I’ve decided my hair idol is Anne Bancroft. She always looked fantastic and put together. I love that as she got older she embraced her amazing silver hair instead of covering it up.

I had short hair for most of my teens, getting progressively shorter. Then I started to grow it because there was a wave of formal events that I couldn’t do fun things with my hair for. Then I got sick of it (always just pulled it back anyway, so why bother) and got it cut REAL short and spikey, which I loved.

I recently started growing it longer, specifically so I could have pigtails. I’m 26 and yes, I do sometimes wear them to work, since my hair is inbetween and it’s hard to style without lots of effort. I’m 26 GO ON JUDGE ME. Well, I also dyed my hair blue, so I guess it’s not the first thing I’m being judged on.

I’m growing it now because I am pretty sure it’s going to be short short short when I’m older. I often miss my super short hair. Basically, if I don’t look like I could blend into a manga, I feel out of place.

But the idea of long white witch hair is so tempting. We shall see, I guess…

I used to live in Finland, and one thing I really liked there was that women of all ages wear pigtails or braids, even in “professional” settings. I always liked wearing braids, but after about 12 or so I got the message from people around me that they were somehow too “Lolita”-ish, and then that I was too busty to wear them because I looked like a woman or almost-woman trying to be infantile. Also, they weren’t at all fashionable at the time (early ’90s). I really dislike the idea that there’s age-appropriate and age-inappropriate hair. I’m going to go back to wearing braids, as soon as I grow out this awful-on-me fashionable expensive mullet for thirtysomethings that I keep getting from hairstylists even though I say “NO LAYERS PLEASE–I want to be able to braid it!”

I hate the idea of age appropriate hair! I’m the 30 year old who often sports pigtails (high up, braids, double buns, whatever) and braid concoctions. Sorry to those who don’t like it but well…deal with it, it’s my hair and I think my face is much better framed by the pigtails look.

My best friend and I have vowed to not to cut our hair shorter than chin length after our 30th birthdays. We have a pact to keep each other from the “mom” or “teacher” cut.

@waxghost Ayyymen! I agree that the whole discussion feels so sexist it shouldn’t be dignified. Maybe women are sending a distinct, unified, deliberate message with every hairstyle, or maybe *shock* each woman chooses what she likes based on how she individually feels about it. My hair’s super short right now, and I’ve been called a dyke over it. When I had long hair, I wore it up all the time and could never achieve that “effortless” long, straight, Jennifer-Aniston-perfect look so I finally said screw it and abandoned that particular performative gender element. Never looked back, either.

(I do confess to wanting to be the sort of older lady who has snow white hair and wears it in like, a Hello Dolly pouf-bun thing)

Genderqueer here! After having boyfriends who demand I wear my hair long (on unspoken threats that The Sex would stop if it looked too butch), I finally decided to stop asking and start cutting. My current girlfriend enjoys playing with it, messing it up, smoothing it down. Clearly she likes me for me, not for her idea of me.

Men are required to change their hairstyle based on current fashions. In the Edwardian era, men wore a variety of styles based on long flowing locks or lush whiskers. Check out Dundreary whiskers, muttonchop whiskers. By the 1950s, any man who tried to continue wearing the styles of his youth would have been attacked as un-American, un-masculine, and probably a commie. Hair past the ears didn’t become safe for men again until the sixties. Now the rules are somewhat relaxed, but power-contexts like corporate management and state- or national-level politics still impose very tight dress codes and hair codes; it’s just made invisible because most of the policing takes place before they reach the halls of power.

And the fact that men outside the halls of power have more license in matters of hair provides a certain camouflage effect: men can wear ponytails these days, they can wear loose-and-shaggy hair, so the extra restrictions on certain ranks are harder to notice. Senator Campbell, linked above, had to be Native American in order to get away with wearing a ponytail in the Senate.

I think a similar thing happens with women. Ann Coulter wears sexyfemme flowing locks, but she doesn’t really have power; she’s a gadfly who is expected to look like a ‘proper, feminine’ woman. Power isn’t seen as feminine, and an awful lot of women in elected office or heading NGOs do find they’re almost required to wear the short/matronly/female-politician styles. Not accepting the hair-policing is seen as evidence of cluelessness, hence disqualification from power.

HRC has always faced scrutiny for her hair choices, mostly because those choices are fluid. Long, short, headband, whatever, she wears her hair the way she wants. And apparently some people get the vapors when women exercise their own agency even in something as personal as hairstyle.

I have had every length of hair from waist-length to #4 guard on the clippers. My constants- I am short and wear bangs and glasses, all else is subject to change without notice. I don’t take opinion polls about my ‘do and neither does Hillary.

BTW, I momentarily read JetGirls last phrase, “nibble a madeleine.” as “nibble at madness.” For a second, I thought it was lovely, because true brilliance always nibbles at the edges of madness. Tiny, little fish-nibbles. But cookies are good, too.

Kathmandu, what I want to see is a long-haired male politician who dons the 18th-century period clothing look, tying his hair back with a ribbon and also wearing a tricorn hat, a cravat, a frock coat and breeches. There’s no way that could be called informal! Unfortunately as someone who likes historical genderfuck, I’m sad that the Tea Party is hijacking the look.

Another hair rebel here, though my rebellion was in the opposite direction. My mother insisted all through my childhood that I couldn’t possibly grow my hair out like I wanted to because it would look terrible on me. As soon as I was out on my own I grew it out and discovered that, hey – long hair looks pretty darn good on me! I haven’t gone back since, keeping my hair between shoulder and mid-back length. I’ve thought about cutting it short several times, but given my very fine, straight hair and roundish face, short haircuts require quite a bit more maintenance work than do long, and I’m all about keeping it simple.

I have curly baby-fine hair and, until recently, have always worn it short, mostly because I hate spending time messing with it.

Now that I just turned 50, I wear it just below shoulder-length (the longest it’s every been) and it’s way more salt than pepper. It’ll be interesting to see how long I can actually grow it.

It’s amazing to have people comment on it because I hated my curly hair since I couldn’t do the Farrah Fawcett look as a teenager. I’ve come to terms with it over the years, I guess.

I agree with the upthread poster that HRC’s hair looks messy in that picture, but it may just be an unflattering one. She’s gotten grief over her hair since she was First Lady of Arkansas; I sure hope all the “controversy” amuses her after all this time.

I’ve worn my hair short since I was about 8 years old but mostly it’s because it often looked horrid when I grew it out. I have “wavy” hair. Although I now can afford and have found a stylist who cuts my hair in a way that it looks good when it starts to grow out, after so many years of not doing anything with it besides wash and comb now I can’t be bothered.

At this very moment I am cue ball bald. I am going through chemo and when my hair started to fall out I had my head buzzed. Then I shaved the remaining hair myself. I don’t mind being bald. Honestly I forget about it and sometimes startle myself in the mirror. The only thing that bugs me is that I’ve started occasionally getting called “sir” (and I have GIANT breasts so people are just not paying attention) and last week I nearly got chased out of a public restroom.

So, in short, people should wear their hair how they want regardless of their job, gender, age, etc but I know that’s not likely.

Obviously there is more social pressure for conformity in female appearance, but to say that men can do whatever the want with no ill effects is a bit off. I used to wear the close cropped ‘man cut’ for years, then I realised I wasn’t an automaton. I’ve gotten into the habit of growing it to donation length and then cutting it back down. Keeps me to one haircut a year. I guess that’s odd. I enjoy going through the stages, but that’s probably mostly because I have no concept what what would make my hair work wonderfully.

Hmm, I’m a bit tired atm, so I hope I don’t sound bitter or whingey. I only wanted to say that the conformity of the close cropped spikey semi-military cut is still so pervasive it drives me insane.

Does your boat hold two? And I’m really quite enjoying my current ultrashort cut (yay, washing hair over a sink!)… sometimes it comes down to a matter of which is more important to me, physical convenience or giving the finger to ridiculous societal expectations. Ah, well, I’ll have a couple of decades before that becomes a real issue…

@aspiringexpatriate, @Iron Lesbian – My (male) fiance, who has mid-back-length hair, and I (female) walked up to a makeup counter so I could buy a few things yesterday, and were greeted with “Hello, ladies!” by the salesperson. o.0 Um. He’s 6’3″, broad-chested and -shouldered, with a dark, neatly trimmed and VERY VISIBLE goatee. My ex, who also had long hair, would get the same “Have a nice day, ladies!” sort of thing when we went places together, too. I’ve come to the conclusion that, of the various gender signifiers one may have (clothing, mannerisms, voice, etc) hair is THE overriding signifier. A person with every other signifier pointing in one direction and their hair pointing the other direction has a very high probability of being read as the gender their hair conforms to. Weird, innit?

I am fascinated by this thread not least because I just realised I have absolutely no idea what a mom haircut is. I will now have to go and spend time on google. My own hair is currently shorter then any time since I was 22 which basically means it’s now above rather than below my shoulders. Between 15 and 17 though I had an excellent super short crop and looked like a very moody, pretty boy. I loved that look back then but I no longer have the figure or youth to pull it off.

Something not yet mentioned is that as you get older you might get old lady hair. Even if it’s not processed or colored, if it’s already fine, it gets finer and frizzes out. If you color it, you are even more likely to enter frizz city.

If you want to avoid the frizz, you can’t drip dry. So shorter hair is easier to take care of because defrizzulation takes less time.

And really, anyone who wants to judge a politician by his/her hair? Look at the men first.

95 percent of male US senators have hair from a different era. John Edwards’ hair looks a little weird not because his hairstyle is old, but because he’s actually got enough hair to do it big. The same cut is ubiquitous among fellow male top-level politicians.

Do a Google image search for men hairstyles, and compare to a Google image search for us senator. Then do the same with women hairstyles. There is a lot more overlap for the women.