Before you can start to develop your social skills you must get rid of your worst fears. Just "going out" or
trying to socialize won't work! You will only make a fool of yourself by being clumsy. You will start to sweat or blush
because your fear and anxiety will distort normal social interaction.

Try seriously to identify situations, in which you feel most uncomfortable! For instance, I still hate to call
a person I have never met before on the phone. It is important that you don't lie to yourself. Some people are extremely
uncomfortable when they have to complain about something in a shop or return a bad product. Other people are afraid of public
speaking. Most people become extremely nervous if they have to walk on a stage and give a speech in front of a large audience. (I
almost got a heart attack, when I had to give my first life interview on radio. No wonder I messed up horribly). By the way - many
men are extremely afraid to ask a woman for a date - really!

Once you know, what is most uncomfortably for you, try to get yourself into these situations. Sorry! But that
is the only way. This technique is a well-known method called behavioral training. In my experience, it works quite well to
get rid of irrational fears. There are numerous books and scores of psychologists who offer such training. But you can also save
your money and do it yourself. The basic rule is quite simple. Get yourself in those social situations, which are uncomfortable to
you or cause real anxiety attacks. Do it slowly and gradually. Start with situations that cause mild discomfort and then proceed
to more unpleasant social situations. After a while you will get used to these uncomfortable situations and your anxiety will
decline. In most cases this works. However, in very serious cases of phobias and extreme social anxiety you need professional
help!

Being shy doesn't mean that you are socially incompetent and afraid of social contact in every respect. Many
people are only shy in very particular social situations, while they are bold and self-confident in others. If you are in one of
those special situations where you feel the jitters and butterflies in your stomach you can also try to focus on something rather
ordinary. For instance, if you have to talk to a person who intimidates you with high social status or authoritative behavior,
focus on how he or she would look like sitting on the toilet. This usually works well with all kinds of powerful people -
teachers, bosses, and political or religious leaders. Many people are extremely afraid of public speaking. If you have to get up
on a stage to give a speech in front of a large audience, focus on two or three people which you perceive as sympathetic. Look
them directly into the eyes and imagine you would talk to them one-to-one. You will be surprised that they often respond directly
to your speech - by giving your subtle signs, such as nodding or shaking the head or smiling.