Archive for June, 2015

So, I think we managed to achieve some genuine personal growth this weekend.

Historically, at Lemons, my driving style has been to stay out of everyone’s way – this basically means yeilding the line (the most optimum path through a curve) – in fact just staying out of it at all times. This is not exactly a way to race, although it does make for a nice sunday drive in a racecar.

However, on Sunday, I came up behind the Snipe, and had one of those character defining moments.. I seem to recall my exact thoughts were ‘fuck it..’, and I dropped to third and passed.. and then (since I was up to mid-4th gear speed anyway), I rode out the course in top gear, holding the line about 50% of the time, tires protesting at every turn.. I probably took 20 seconds of my average lap time. I went from sunday driver to apprentice hoon.

(Also.. my team won the top prize at Lemons, the IOE!)

Morever, on the way back from the race a van tried to occupy the same spot on the road I was. Now, I’ve always had no problem doing evasives in this situation, but historically it introduced a emotional state similar to a panic attack. This time.. I was amused.

From my experiences running from the police, I know deep inside me is a genuine racecar driver – anyone who can drive a Honda Oddessy at 120 mph through US 101 without so much as scratching the paint clearly has what it takes to be a hoonatic in terms of driving skill – what I lack is the confidence and emotional/mental configuration to believe the line belongs to me as much as it does everyone else out there.

Numerous times in my childhood this was a major problem as well – I failed to assert myself or understand that my point of view and needs and wants were just as valid as my parents’.

When we purchase water, there’s sort of a unspoken compact that we’re part of a closed loop system. We’re not going to pollute this water grossly and then lock it up far outside the water table, we’re going to use it and return it via the sewer system to be, in essence, recycled. Earth is based on a closed water cycle, which I’m sure you all learned about in grade school. The people who are fracking are opening that water cycle up – rendering the water uncleanable by mixing it with extremely disturbing chemicals, then locking it up deep in the earth.

These people should be paying *enormously* more per gallon. Water is the most valuable liquid in the world and they are, in essence, reducing our total available fresh water. A $10/gallon tariff doesn’t sound outrageous under the circumstances.

So, I financed some of the upgrades to the house on aa 1 year same as cash plan, assuming that interest would accrue only on the unpaid balance after one year. Judging by the 6750 in interest I just got hit with, i would say that in fact interest has been accruing the whole time and possibly on the original purchase amount.

I really, really want out of this system. I understand that I can not win. I do not want to play any more, I am requesting a exit.

One of our long term goals, as a race, if we want to continue to exist, should be to whenever possible not *consume* resources that are not renewable, and to encourage the rewewing of resources. I’ve talked numerous times about how fracking renders clean water polluted beyond the ability to easily recover it – that in fact once water has been used for fracking it is no longer part of our usable water pool. Now, I would hope that common sense would tell everyone on the planet that water, being the #2 requirement for our type of life after air containing oxygen, is the most valuable liquid on the planet. However, as far as I can tell, that is not the common consensus despite it appearing to me to be a obvious truth.

We have learned.. the hard way, sadly, after much destruction of value.. that we shouldn’t cut down forests unless we plant and maintain new ones – this is the only way that our children’s children can still be loggers if they want to be, or indeed have anything made out of wood. We are slowly beginning to realize that we should not suck dry every oil and water resource on the planet – however, the question is, will we realize that we need to stop before our children’s children end up living in a bizarre dystopia where there are no resources aside from what they can mine from our trash?

Sadly, the current resource allocation system is at the root of all of this. Products are made, rather than to be durable, to be as cheap as possible. This is a decision that looks like it makes sense from a “money” viewpoint but actually makes no sense at all when you put on your “value” glasses. To the extent that we can, we should be building everything that involves resources that are even remotely scarce to last through so that our children’s children can be more wealthy than we are – rather than, as is currently the case, leaving the question open as to whether humanity will even exist 500 years down the road.

Now, if we’re all hypervised, this may not matter, because some diety or hypervisor operator may step in and set things right. However, at the moment we have no clear and obvious communications from anyone who might happen to be running the universe, and the majority world religion has a number of enormous gaping flaws that makes one question deeply whether it was written by a mind more enlightened than ours.

I feel so old, and tired. I’ve recorded a track a day, and I’m not sure if any of them are good enough to pass off to Tory. I feel enslaved, like I have no choice but to work for another 30 years at a job i’m increasingly tired of, and I feel sometimes like i’m trapped in a world of idiots.. things could be so much better..

aand yet, I should have more gratitude for what i’ve got, because I do have a lot. A lot of friends, a job I don’t hate, the freedom to explore musically with some amazingly powerful tools.. and the hope that humanity will get it’s collective shit together. Looking at ffacebook, it’s clear everyone cares about something, at least.

it’s so strange.. in another age i might have been sage or luminary, but here and now, i’m nothing very special.

i haven’t been persuing self-growth as aggressively lately, and I think that may be part of why I feel old, and tired. Or maybe it’s trying to keep up with a puppy with the strength of ten puppies.