A while back, we asked women to share the worst things anyone had said to them while they were giving birth. The results were as hilarious as they were cringe-worthy, and it got us thinking – bystanders aren’t the only ones to say strange things in the delivery room, labouring women utter their fair share of doozies as well.

A recent Ask Reddit called on doctors and nurses to share the strangest and funniest things they’ve heard from mums-to-be in labour, and the results were awesome – here are some of our favourites, as well as a few pearlers from around the Kidspot office …

“When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out. My mom saw them and screamed: ‘THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODDAMN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!’” – Reddit user jpuckey

“My mother’s labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust. When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible. My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling ‘DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE’. We have never let her forget that one.” - Reddit user im_a_sheep_ama

“I shouted at the doctor, ‘What was THAT?!’ (my first was breech and it was a bit confusing. For that record THAT was a shoulder being born.)” – Ella Walsh

“I’m white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black. Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby’s hair. My wife, who can barely breathe at this point, blurted out ‘the hair isn’t red is it?!’ Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.” – Reddit user DONT_PM_ME_NUDEZ

“Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realise she was pregnant and called us for ‘abdominal pain’. Patient: ‘You are an idiot! I am not f**king pregnant!’ Me: ‘Well, I can see a head crowning.’ Patient: ‘That must be a f**king tumour!’ The tumour was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards, BTW.” – Reddit usermarunga

“When my sister was in labour, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting: ‘It’ll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It’ll be over soon.’ Then my sister looks up at our mom and says, ‘You have no idea what this is like’.” – Reddit user baconated

“My mum apparently said, upon viewing my brother whose head and face had became rather misshapen during his protracted journey down the birth canal, ‘Noooo! Put it back in!’” – Zoe Meunier

“My mum said, ‘What did i have?’ and the nurse said ‘you haven’t had anything yet, dear.’ she was high on gas, my mum …” – Penny Flanagan

“Patient fully dialated, started pushing, then changed her mind. ‘I don’t wanna do this, I’m going the f**k home.’ And then tried to get off the table.” – Reddit user jinx614

“When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled, “Why the f**k does he look like a raptor?’ I lost it.” – Reddit user Gfy_ADOOM

“I’m a nurse, but I’m also a mom. My husband told me when I was breathing the laughing gas I screamed “I’m lady Darth Vader!” as I was pushing. Then I asked the doctor if he felt my tonsils when he had his arm up there. These are my coworkers.” – Reddit user Fezzin