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I will preface this by saying that although I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am the only one who is responsible for my body, I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I recall tipping the scale at 70kg (150lb) by the time I was 10 years old, 102kg (225lb) by the age of 15 and most recently 146kg(320lb) at the age of 22. I grew up in one of those families where being morbidly obese wasn’t looked as being out of the ordinary, in fact my mother is even larger than me so she probably thought it would have been a bit hypocritical for her to say anything.

I wish she had though. Please, if you are reading this and have overweight children; feed them healthy food, make them move away from the technology and go outside and play. Even if they get angry, they will thank you later in life.

Back to me. Despite being diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome at a young age it was only recently that I realised how fat I actually was, being tall I had always managed to hold the weight pretty well and somehow had still deluded myself that I still looked fine a few kilograms shy of 150. It wasn’t until I actually stepped on the scale that it clicked.

Holy shit, I’m over twice the weight of a healthy person.

Every time in the past I had noticed my weight going up, I gone onto a diet and done some mild exercise, stuck with it a maximum of a month and fallen back into my old habits after noticing I hadn’t managed to shift more than 3kg. For a good few days I was seriously considering getting put on the waiting list for lap banding surgery, but thankfully before I got to that step I ended up breaking down and admitting it all to a friend of mine. He suggested duramine, noting that he had managed to loose about 15kg on it, although he had slipped back into his old eating habits not long after and gained it all back.

Nonetheless I was intrigued once he explained to me that it suppresses your appetite and kicks your metabolism up a notch. The very next day I headed to the doctors and asked about this miracle drug and was prescribed 30mg.

I may consider duramine an amazing advancement in science, but I’m not going to sugar coat the side effects. It was hell for the first couple of weeks, all my energy was zapped, yet I still couldn’t sleep properly and even eating the smallest of meals would make me feel nauseous. One thing about me though, is when I really put my mind to something I become obsessive to the extreme. I was going to loose this weight even if it killed me, because in my mind if I didn’t I was as good as dead within the next twenty years anyway. I didn’t exercise due to the constant fatigue, but in exchange for that reprieve I cut my meals down to between 800-1000 calories each day.

Within a month I was down 11kg.

Another month, my appetite was completely gone and I would fluctuate between 500-1000 calories each day. Sometimes I would even forget to eat for the entire day, I’m aware it wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world, but the weight loss was enough to counteract any concerns that I had. I still had some nights where I couldn’t sleep at all and I started getting wicked mood swings, I would get ridiculously angry over the smallest things. Also a couple of times when I tried to counteract an entire day of not eating with one semi-large meal I would feel so full I was physically ill.

I will admit I had become obsessed with food, I was counting every single calorie and weighing myself was the first thing on my mind every mood. A drop on the scale would mean I was in a good mood for the day, whilst a gain would mean that I was in a foul mood and prone to lash out over the smallest thing.

On the plus side, I was slowly starting to regain my energy and even started to regain a social life which I had all but given up on about a month into taking duramine. My moods started to even out somewhat and I even managed to make it through a couple of ‘gain’ days without lashing out.

By the end of the second month I was down a total of 19kg.

This was when things became complicated, my doctor was a little concerned about the speed of my weight loss and requested that I leave two weeks between now and getting my new prescription (duramine is addictive…. Blah, blah, blah…general disclaimer). Ok, I could do that… or so I thought. I was fine for the first couple of days, distracted myself with friends and refused to weigh myself. My energy levels dropped considerably though and I found myself not wanting to get out of bed and I don’t think I did on both days three and four. About mid-afternoon on day four I couldn’t resist anymore and dragged myself out of bed to go and weigh myself.

I had gained almost 2 kilograms! Oh shit.

For the next three days I didn’t eat. I was still a kilo heavier than when I started. Shit. My stomach was constantly growling and I was miserable; so I ended up blurting out how I was feeling to the same friend who had directed me towards duramine in the first place.

Warning: 'real' drug references ahead.

His response was to laugh and say, I quote “you know duramine is just legalised speed right?” I imagine in that moment one of those cartoon light bulbs lit up above my head.

Let me say here, I don’t feel too strongly either way about drugs; look as long as long as it doesn’t affect me I’m not going to get involved in the shit that you put in your body. I’ve dabbled in the past and yes, I dabbled again for about a week and a half, I was constantly laughing, not hurting anyone and proving that I was far more addicted to seeing the number on the scales decrease than duramine.

The second I was allowed duramine again, I came off the drugs, no worse for wear. Although I’m not condoning using illegal drugs as a substitute at all, I have seen some people really mess themselves up on that shit.

It’s been almost a month since then now, my third dose of duramine is almost finished and I’m feeling much better all round. I’ve finally managed to kick the obsession with weighing my food, although I still jump on the scale as soon as I wake up each morning. My energy levels are almost back to normal as well and I’m going for walks at least every second day. Also, after a couple of intense dizzy spells from periods where I’ve gone without food, I’ve become much more aware of listening to my body when it tells me to eat.

I’ve currently sitting at a total loss of 27kg (60lb).

In conclusion, I personally feel that the long-term benefits of weight loss are worth the side affects that I’ve experienced and i will be continuing taking duramine. But please take as nothing more than my personal opinion if you're in the same situation, I have a great support network around me and my bmi was above 50 when I started. Basically if I didn’t loose weight very soon I would be both diabetic and my polycystic syndrome (which has already lowered my chance of conceiving to about 30%) would have rendered me sterile within a few years.

Honestly though, the mental side-effect of complete obsession with food and weight loss has been without a doubt the most difficult side-affect i've had to deal with and although less common than those listed above, i know others whom have experienced the same thing.

Registered

Thanks so much for sharing this I just want to tell you that when you finally do get to your goal weight dont just stop taking duromine. You need to slowly ween your self off of them or you will gain weight again because you will be super hungry and such. My doctor was telling me that when I get down to about the weight I want she will give the 15mg for two months and in the final month stretch them out. So one ever two then three says and such.

This way, just like a drug addiction, you body wont go into withdrawals.

But anyway I would love to know how you are going now almost three months later.