DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: When Helping A Friend Backfires

DEARSUGAR and Recruiter Ruthie need your help. Should she bother to warn her friend that she's doing a terrible job at work, or has she done enough and should she just stay out of it?

Dear Sugar
I just helped an old friend of mine get a new job. Well, it was actually she who got herself the job, but I put her in touch with a friend of mine who is a top manager at the company, passed her resume along and then helped to get her the salary that she wanted.

I think that she's a great girl and I wanted her to be happy so I really went out on a limb with a glowing recommendation. The problem is that I haven't seen her in about five years even though I talk to her every couple of months. We used to study together in college and she was extremely diligent and hard working.

I guess I really put her on a mental pedestal because my manager friend is terribly let down and she's taking it out on me. She claims the girl comes in late, is lazy, has a rotten attitude, doesn't pay attention to detail and is super careless with her work.

I don't know what to do about it. She's asked me to talk to her and if things don't change, she's planning on letting her go. Should I get involved in this or should I tell my manager friend to do what she thinks is best for the company? Recruiter Ruthie

yeah, let the manager deal with it and when she calls you cryin', say, 'oh, well I remember you as a hard working girl, I really put in a great word for you, my friend is very precise in the right person for the job, I'm so sorry it didn't work out'...hey you did a good thing for your friend, she just took advantage of the situation knowing that you 'know' her boss.........you know how that goes..

you know, her careless attitude doesn't really sound like the girl you used to know. since you haven't been in close contact for five years maybe something else is going on in her life that you and her boss are unaware of. just calling her to see whats going on in her life without mentioning that you have spoken with her manager might help you make this decision.

I say to stay out of it. Did this girl even thank you for getting her this job? If she's not benefiting the company, then the best thing to do for the company is to let her go. The girl would have no reason to get upset with you about it, either. Let your manager do her job and stay out of it.