Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

Wrong!
Third rule about fight club: dont talk about the rules of fight club, because by doing so you are talking about fight club!
Fourth rule about fight club: SHHHHHHHHH
Btw i know these are not the real ones

No it isn't. Peter started a bar, not a fight club. Re-watch the episode so you can save yourself from some of the embarrassment you'll suffer when you realize I'm right. Plus, you spelled awesome wrong. There's no excuse for that.