Abe Simpson

Abraham J. Simpson is Homer Simpson's father on TV's The Simpsons. He lives at the Springfield Retirement Castle where he likes to stake out a good spot at the staring window. His hobbies include writing angry letters to magazines and telling stories that don't go anywhere (like the time he wore an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time). He is surprisingly active for a man of his advancing years. His memory isn't what it used to be, however, so any information about him that comes from his own recollections should be treated with a grain of salt.

We don't know much about Abe's early years, although we do know that he was spanked by Grover Cleveland on two nonconsecutive occassions as a child. As a young man he fought in World War II as a part of The Fighting Hellfish platoon where he served as the group's leader. During his tour of duty he entered into an agreement with his fellow Hellfish in regard to a cache of looted German artwork. The agreement was that the last one of the group alive would take possession of the artwork. Later in the war Abe was seperated from his platoon and was forced to masquerade as a Germandancing girl until he was able to escape. After his tour of duty Abe returned to Springfield where he began dating his future wife, Mona. However, during this courtship Abe met a carnival girl whom he had an affair with. The resultant child, Herbert Powell, was given up for adoption and Abe never saw his carnival mistress again. Mona forgave Abe for his wandering attentions and the two were soon married.

Several years later the couple gave birth to their only child, Homer, after Abe had injested some of his homemade love tonic. Abe felt that Mona was responsible for naming their son and caring for him, and that his responsibilities included spanking and discipline. The family moved out to the countryside to Amos Pierson's Moose Farm where they lived until the cows began to give sour milk, thus ruining the farm. They then moved back to Springfield. Mona soon grew tired of Abe's "plastic-fantastic-Madison Avenue-set" and left him and Homer to join a hippiecommune. With Abe left to raise Homer alone, he began to age at an alarming rate. Homer proved to be a constant disappointment to him, and often told his son so. This negativity led to Homer failing at most of his childhood ambitions. Years later, when Homer needed money to buy a house for his own wife and son, Abe sold the family home and came to live with his son. However, two weeks later the family sent Abe off to the old folks' home where he has lived ever since. It is roughly at this point that The Simpsons TV series begins.

In 1991 Abe began an affair with Beatrice Simmons, and following her death Abe inherited her estate. Abe used the money fix up the retirement home, adding in a formal dining area, game room, recliners, and basically just fixing the place up. Abe's other romantic interests over the years include Marge's mother, Jacqueline Bouvier, although things did not work out between them. Abe was also nearly reunited with his long-lost son Herb in 1991, but Homer's blunders ruined any chance at a meeting between them. Abe gained some temporary fame in 1993 after Bart and Lisa used Abe's name as their own on a script for Itchy and Scratchy. Abe was oblivious to what was happening until he accepted an award for "his" work, at which time he blasted the series in one of his trademark tirades. This was the end of his cartooning career. In 1994 Abe and Homer went into business selling the family love tonic out of the trunk of the family car. The venture proved to be a failure in the long run, but Abe and Homer did confront their mutual anger towards each other, and their relationship has been warmer ever since. 1996 saw Abe on an adventure against Charles Montgomery Burns to find the Hellfish treasure. Abe and Bart went up against Mr. Burns, who felt that the treasure should belong to him. In the end the government recovered the artwork and returned it to its rightful heir. When Abe's kidneys burst in 1998, Homer donated one of his own to keep his father alive. The donation almost never came to be, however, after Homer chickened-out of the surgery twice. Eventually a car fell on Homer, and while the doctors were fixing him up they helped themselves to a kidney.

Abe continues to be primarily a background character on the series, and chances are he will remain that way up until the time the show becomes unprofitable.