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Thursday, December 15, 2011

3 Babies Later: The Evolution of Our Family Bed

Welcome to the Safe Cosleeping Blog CarnivalThis post was written for inclusion in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival hosted by Monkey Butt Junction . Our bloggers have written on so many different aspects of cosleeping. Please read to
the end to find a list of links to the other carnival
participants.
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Baby Number One
Our sweet Maddie came into the world surrounded by surprise and drama. Born just a day shy of 33 weeks, she was lacking womb time...and boy did she show this! We were in for a real shock when we brought her home. Not only were we new parents, but we were also parents to a preemie who was high needs.

She never slept. She cried a lot. And we were newbies, scared and unaware that we could say no to "mainstream" parenting advice.

One day, when she had been home for about a week, out of sheer desperation for sleep, I picked her out of the bassinet and laid her on my chest in our bed. Within moments she was asleep. And I was left wondering, "what do I do now?" So I gently laid her next to me, curled my arm around her in a protective circle and fell asleep.

From that day on, she slept in bed with us. And we all slept reasonably well. Now that we were officially a bed-sharing family, I began to do more reading and research to make myself feel comfortable and secure with that choice. What I found was a wonderful community of like-minded parents and authors who were the ones to introduce me to the world of Attachment Parenting and how to co-sleep and bed-share safely.

I found it quite surprising that I seemed to wake up before she did, just in time to nurse her. I remember when she started sleeping for longer stretches I would till wake up frequently and wonder if/when she would wake up! At some point we started noticing that it wasn't working out as well anymore.

Maddie slept well in our bed until she was about 6 months. Then she began squirming and not settling well and fussing, and I started to not sleep so well either. So we tried laying her down in her crib and she was happy. So, we knew she was ready. It felt good to have met her needs and to see her reach the ready-to-be-in-crib milestone on her own terms.

Baby Number Two
Having witnessed the benefits and simplicity of co-sleeping and bed-sharing first-hand, we did not even hesitate to welcome little baby Isaac into our room, and into our bed. The little monkey was also a crier. But his cry was different. I knew there was something going on with him. He wanted to sleep. He even wanted to fall asleep on his own, without needing too much assistance. But he just couldn't. So we suffered and he suffered until we figured out what was going on. Once we finally did, and he and I did not eat wheat anymore, the little happy baby he was, finally came to be! He began sleeping in his crib beside our bed at around 5 months, beginning the night there and then coming into our bed after his first late night wake-up. At around 9 months, he was ready to move into his own room. No fussing, no crying. Though he did still have his fair share of nighttime wake-ups, at least he would go back to sleep with a bit of rocking and singing. But again, we were so happy to see that his needs were met and that he learned to associate positive feelings with sleep. Now at 2 years old he sleeps wonderfully in his own bed {and has been for a good while}. He sleeps all night! Isaac, the little boy who I thought would never sleep through the night and who may need me to lull him to sleep forever, has shown me that meeting his needs to be close to us resulted in happiness for him and for us.

Baby Number Three
And now we have our sweet baby Elsa. She is an easy-going kiddo. Maybe it's because I have done this before, but I can read her cues so well, so she barely cries. I barely wake up when she wants to nurse, so I maximize my sleep time. And that's a good thing when I have 2 other kiddos to tend to beginning at 6:30am! I don't think I would be functional if I had to get out of bed, go get Elsa, nurse her, settle her back down. That's at least 30 minutes of potential sleep time, add it up with multiple wake ups and I would end up a total zombie!

She is now sleeping in our bed and in due time {probably soon, as she's starting to show signs--waking up when we come to bed, or when we move around in the bed} we will start putting her to sleep in her crib beside our bed. And down the road, when she is ready {and we have the room!} she will start sleeping in her own room.

But all in due time. For the duration of these short, sweet-baby-days having my babies close for sleepy time works for us. I love snuggling them and smelling them and really getting to know them. And I love that we all get to sleep {because I love sleep}!

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Thanks for reading a post in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival. On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the #CosleepCar hashtag. Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
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Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign - Miriam at Diary of an Unconscious Mother talks about her feelings on Milwaukee’s anti-cosleeping crusade and its latest advertising campaign.

Black and White: Race and the Cosleeping Wars - Moorea at Mama Lady: Adventures in Queer Parenting points out the problem of race, class and health when addressing co-sleeping deaths and calls to action better sleep education and breastfeeding support in underprivileged communities.

Reflections on Cosleeping - Jenny at I’m a Full Time Mummy shares her thoughts on cosleeping and pictures of her cosleeping beauties.

What Works for One Family - Momma Jorje shares why cosleeping is for her and why she feels it is the natural way to go. She also discusses the actual dangers and explores why it may not be for everyone.

Crying in Our Family Bed - With such a sweet newborn, why has adding Ailia to the family bed made Dionna at Code Name: Mama cry?

Dear Mama: - Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares a letter from the viewpoint of her youngest son about cosleeping.

Cuddle up, Buttercup! - Nada of The MiniMOMist and her husband Michael have enjoyed cosleeping with their daughter Naomi almost since birth. Nada shares why the phrase "Cuddle up, Buttercup!" has such special significance to her.

The Truth About Bedsharing - Dr. Sarah at Parenting Myths and Facts discusses the research into bedsharing and risk - and explains why it is so often misrepresented.

Cosleeping as a parenting survival tool - Melissa V. at Mothers of Change describes how she discovered cosleeping when her first baby was born. Melissa is the editor and a board member for the Canadian birth advocacy group, Mothers of Change.

Dear Delilah - Joella at Fine and Fair writes about her family bed and the process of finding the cosleeping arrangements that work best for her family.

CoSleeping ROCKS! - Melissa at White Noise talks about the evolution of cosleeping in her family.

Cosleeping Experiences - Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure describes how she ended up co-sleeping with her daughter through necessity, despite having no knowledge of the risks involved and how to minimise them, and wishes more information were made available to help parents co-sleep safely.

The early days of bedsharing - Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her early memories of bedsharing with her then new born and gets excited as she plans including their new arrival into their sleeping arrangements.

4 comments:

Such a great post on cosleeping! I love how you discuss cosleeping with each baby. Like you, I stumbled upon cosleeping and Attachment Parenting in the early weeks of new motherhood and it was the best thing that could have happened for me.

This is such a great carnival and I'm loving all the wonderful safe co-sleeping posts... This one especially!! It's interesting to see how it has evolved for you, and developed for each babe you've welcomed... with the principles still staying the same. Beautiful! :) <3