Smash Mouth Bassist & Wife Accused ofEXTREME Domestic Violence

4/8/2012 7:00 AM PDT

Paul DeLisle -- the bassist from the band Smash Mouth -- is an evil, violent wife-beater ... so says the rocker's wife ... but Paul claims HE'S the real victim in a crazy domestic war.

DeLisle and his wife Mary have obtained dueling restraining orders against each other ... both accusing the other of extreme violence.

Mary obtained her restraining order back in December ... after an incident in which she claims Paul, "Called me a 'c*nt' and told me to get out of his house ... he threatened to kick my teeth in."

She claims Paul has been terrorizing her for months ... "[He] has slapped me in the head and back, thrown objects at me, locked me in a closet, locked me out of the house, broken down doors to get to me, pinned me on the ground and sat on my chest, dragged me out of bed by my ankles."

In the court docs, filed in Santa Cruz County Superior Court, Mary also claims Paul spit in her face and poured drinks on her head.

Paul got his restraining order just a few weeks ago ... after telling the judge Mary "grabbed my hair and struck me with several blows, she kicked me and tried to break my fingers."

In his petition, also filed in Santa Cruz, Paul claims Mary "repeatedly goes for my fingers, in an attempt to render me unable to play music, which is what I do for a living."

Paul says Mary has also threatened him with a knife ... and now he's in fear for his life.

The same day a judge signed off on Paul's restraining order ... Paul filed for divorce from Mary.

The worst part of the whole situation -- the couple has a 2-year-old daughter. Paul is asking for sole legal and physical custody.

We reached out to both sides for comment -- we're still waiting to hear back.