The mystery of the Death Race: the incompatibility of Death Metal and the cycling world

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Female Toilets and Metal Concerts: An exploration of what it means to be alone.

Judging by the many metal concerts I have been too, metal is a male dominated music type.

Whenever i want to urinate at a concert, I have to put up with huge lines, awful conversations, smoke so thick i can barely see, as well as facing the fact that it was all my choice to go through it.

Women's toilets, on the other hand, must look a little like this at a metal concert:

Indeed metal concerts may in fact be the only place on earth where females can take a piss quicker than a male, and with less fuss. Heaven forbid, they could even take refuge in a cubicle, when they realise that the band they went to see is nothing more than a bunch or ageing fat men playing terrible riff salad wearing kiss makeup. I, on the other hand, when i have the same realisation, have to slip into the urinal and become stoned just by breathing the air.

The only thing more indignant than taking a piss at a metal concert, is taking a piss while wearing bib knicks, and the awful "forward lean of eagerness" that ensues. Why can't they include a small fly? Would it be so difficult? Do my testicles have to be compressed every time I need to wee?

The dubious moral of this story, it seems, is to go into the female toilets at metal concerts to save yourself face, mental health and lung capacity. Also, when you next ride your bike, channel this dude: