This Week In The Laboratories Of Democracy

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as you know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where I'm whispering to myself, so I can pretend that I don't know.

Let us begin in Ioway, which has a bizarre pride of place in how we elect our presidents even though it is approximately as demographically similar to the entire United States as Finland is, but much, much dumber. Before we start pumping the egos of the state's god-bothering hayshakers for 2016, let's take a look back at 2012 and see who's going to jail, shall we?

Kent Sorenson, of Milo, Iowa, admitted in federal district court that former Rep. Ron Paul's presidential campaign secretly paid him $73,000 after he dramatically dropped his backing of Rep. Michele Bachmann in late 2011 and endorsed Paul's White House bid, saying at the time that Bachmann was no longer a viable candidate. A furious Bachmann charged then that Sorenson was being paid to flip his support to Paul -- an accusation that Sorenson, Paul and his campaign officials all denied.

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Pause for a moment and consider that $73,000 changed hands so that a man would say publicly that Crazy Uncle Liberty (!) would be a better president of the United States than would The Girl With The Faraway Eyes. This guy took a bribe to endorse a crackpot and to un-endorse a nut. Imagine the thought processes that go into a decision like that. To paraphrase Robert Bolt's Thomas More, it profit a man not to gain the entire world for his soul, but for Ron Fking Paul? It is to weep. Pro tip, Kent: when you get to the sneezer, tell your cellmates that you shot puppies for hire. They'll respect you more.

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(And the guy who managed CUL's campaign in Iowa back in '12 is now running Mitch McConnell's re-election juggernaut in Kentucky, so anybody who wants to make a career out of flipping endorsements for cash should get down there immediately.)

Meanwhile, a member of the Republican National Committee, also from Iowa, would like you to know that Honduran toddlersare coming for you and for your children, there in Ottumwa.

"But we know back in our revolution, we had 12-year-olds fighting in our revolution. And for many of these kids, depending on where they're coming from, they could be coming from other countries and be highly trained as warriors who will meet up with their group here and actually rise up against us as Americans."

Also, too: G.I. Luvmoney's non-candidacy is kicking everybody else's ass out there right now. The Libertarian Moment seems to be over. On to the Ames Straw Poll, mes enfants!

Let us leave Iowa to its own farm implemen...er...devices and journey on down to Georgia, where outgoing Governor Nathan Deal is proving himselfto be truly outgoingwhen it comes to the DREAM Act kids who keep showing up when he speaks.

Goodhue pressed on, and Ruiz chimed in with his own points, to which the governor asked, "Let me ask you this, can you give a Social Security Number?"

Und you haf relatives, maybe, in Waycross?

While addressing the governor, please make sure to display your Mark Of The Beast. Thank you.

Rebecca and Michael Bates, who live on East River Street, were in the area designated as Division A. Although their well has not completely run out of water, Rebecca said they were experiencing water-pressure problems. "We're worried about running out of water," she said. "A neighbor 20-feet from us ran out." "We're trying to conserve water. We don't know how long it will last," Michael Bates said. Jesus Alfaro lives on Park Street in Division A, and his water well still works. Although offered bottled water, Alfaro said he didn't take any. "I don't think it's fair to those who don't have water," he said. "I'm glad the county and city are doing this, especially for those with shallow wells. It's a good thing somebody is doing something, at least giving us hope that something will be done in the future." Alfaro said his well is 120-feet deep and the pump is currently set down at 40 feet. "I'm giving water to about 20 houses right now," he said. "I could not leave them without water. They're humans."

I would like to nominate Mr. Alfaro for emperor immediately . Thank you.

And we conclude, as usual, in Oklahoma, where Blog Official Blue Norther Tester Friedman Of The Plains brings us a storyof how kindhearted Sooners believe in second chances.

On July 23, Joseph Rudolph Wood's execution at the Florence prison took nearly two hours while the inmate snorted and gasped for breath, witnesses said. Wood was injected 15 times with an experimental combination of drugs, including midazolam, records show...Hetmer's name appears in many of the communications included in Arizona's report on Wood's execution. Baich confirmed to the Tulsa World that Hetmer was present at the execution. An Arizona DOC spokesman said Hetmer was warden at Arizona State Prison Complex-Florence and that carrying out the execution was his last significant official duty. He retired on or about July 24, the spokesman said.