Firstly are you using lube for playing with yourself? Your clit can get very sensitive very quickly of rubbed or touched the wrong way. As for the big O, this used to happen to me. Took years for me to achieve one. I would get the build up to one and think "woohoo this is it"And then nothing. Personally i think it's because your trying so hard for it. It won't happen unless your fully relax and let your self go.

I had this exact same thing when my oh was trying to make me squirt by giving me a g-spot orgasm the other day, one minute I was really close to orgasm and the next I was in serious pain- shooting up the bed, stop touching me kind of pain! I have no idea what it was so will be looking out for answers!To the previous suggestions, I was definitely lubed/wet enough, I was lying on my back so not position problems. And I was very relaxed, I often have an orgasm from having sex with no clitoral stimulation in that position so definitely know I can!

I know what you mean! I was, again on my back, playing the other day, PLENTY of lube, trying g-spot and clit stimulation and I got right to the brink of "this is it" then it was suddenly so painful I had to stop.

So I wouldn't necessarily say something has gone awry, in the fact it's not just you, but I can't help as to why either!

Okay, this is just my experience and therefore it might be different to what you experience but I can literally change the way sensation feels against my clitoris or g-spot by how I think.

Yeh that sounds strange but I have suffered from bouts of anorgasmia during my years and through the frustrations I managed to figure this out. Has there been any occasions where you are lying there playing with yourself but not really in the mood and you might as well be rubbing your nose because you are not feeling any tinglings or building up sensations from your strokes, and then you notice this, and start to focus more and a naughty fantasy pops into your head and suddenly the strokes down below begin to feel tingly, nice, like you are building up.

It works the opposite way too. So you are lying there fantasising, enjoying the sensations and thinking or watching or reading something that works for you, not really focusing on how close you are. Then, as you get quite close, suddenly your mind shoots out of its fantasy, and is now thinking things such as "Oh I think I am close" "Am i close" etc, suddenly you are now focusing on the sensations rather than the fantasy, you are thinking too much about it, but at this point (Unlike at the start) your clitoris is erect and sensitive and all the nerve endings are tingling like crazy, and now you are rubbing at it without being in the right frame of mind (For me this can only happen all in a few SECONDS) and suddenly, it just bloody hurts to continue.

As you get closer and everything gets so intense, you start thinking about that, maybe slightly worrying or tensing up, suddenly no longer in the fantasy but in your own head thinking too much about what is happening in your body.

It is such a balancing act when you struggle like this because literally jumping into your head for more than a few seconds to contemplate what is going on around you or inside you can just change things so much

Its almost like, at this point, when all your nerve endings are firing off sparks and highly aroused, that if you are suddenly not in "the moment" you get kicked right out of it by pain. Imagine rubbing at any sensitive nerve endings. You can imagine that it will be highly sensitive, painful even, unless you stay in this arousal in your head too.

Oh I am so bad at explaining things sometimes but all I can say here is, relax, don't thnk about what is going on in your body, if it feels good and you feel yourself building up, let it, without thinking about it, stay with the arousal in your mind and relax relax relax, sometimes when I get close, I have to slow down because it does get more and more sensitive. Try moving your stimulation. For example, during the build up, i prefer the sensations to be at the side of my clitoris because touching directly at the tip would send me shooting through the headboard at that time and only the gentlest of touches or it hurts. if things are getting slightly too intense and becoming painful, back away a little from the area you are rubbing and try stroking close to it but not direct.

Lots of women struggle to orgasm and for most of us it is mental, like you said, your mind shuts down. As soon as the mind shuts down for me, its over. And then things just get sore if I try to force it which it sounds like what you are doing, for your partner maybe? I would suggest trying to do this alone at first, so you can completely relax without worrying about time, and him watching, or him getting impatient and all the other things that fly through your mind and totally detract from the pleasure. Just know you are not alone or abnormal. So many women struggle, some of us just for short times and others who have never had an orgasm. Him asking you to see the doctor will not help with the pressure you will be under to orgasm.

of course I am only guessing that this pain you are talking about is that sharp, deep shocking nerve type pain from an over stimulated clitoris or g-spot rather than pain pain, like you cannot even touch yourself due to pain, even when unaroused etc. The first pain is quite normal and we all experience it from time to time, heck even men experience it, as they approach orgasm the head of their penis can become so sensitive they have to slow down or cannot continue touching the tip when they go over. try asking a man to stroke the head of his penis just after orgasm and he will most likely find it so intense as to be almost torture. Some especially sensitive men do not like to be licked or touched directly on their head. Its the same with us ladies, it depends on your own tastes and arousal levels too. This is normal pain.

THank you so much Fluffbag [apologies for the late reply! I lost my net!]

I think I understand what you're saying about the fantasy thing, as for the pain, you are completely right in your description.

I will admit, since focusing on the fantasy of it... I've had my first clit O [i think] honestly.. it was weird, feeling everything tighten up before getting the oddiest sensation [it was like there was that popping candy on it!] to the point where I could feel internally as well, the popping candy sensation i mean.. but other that nothing really. There was no 'bang' that some of my friends had told me that they experienced during they're O's...

I guess I'll just have to find a fantasy that works for me... which is difficult as I find it V.difficult to get aroused in the first place. and as a solo player [no men/women in my life] I'm finding my play time is less and less frequent.