How do we really feel the goddess in our being—from head to toe to yoni?

How do I empower myself as a woman (and not in the sensible-footwear, puppy-stomping, man-hating kind of way)? How do I become a representation of the divine feminine here on Earth?

Will it help if I let my pubic hair grow wild and free?

These aren’t easy questions to answer. Everyone’s different and despite what the media or New Age section of Barnes & Noble might tell you: there isn’t a series of steps or a particular foolproof method with which to actualize your goddess-hood. You kind of have to figure it out on your own.

The end.

Nah, just kidding.

Here are five things that have helped me on my journey of feminine empowerment and divine embodiment:

1. Stop trying

The truth is, working hard to embody “the goddess” is a sure fire way to stall your process.

Goddesses don’t try to do shit that other people are doing. I feel there is a bit of a stereotype or a generic “goddess” model that the popular spiritual mainstream offers women. An image of a curvaceous and serene, makeup-less, flowing-haired woman (add a couple grey hairs for good measure) with a gentle smile on her face, in some sort of angelic gown and bare feet.

Whatever context in which she is presented we are able to discern that she’s at peace with herself. Confident maybe? Sensual? Definitely nurturing and calm. Maybe she has some kind of 1970’s headband on that indicates her alternative clothing choices. Alternately (and less frequently) you get the image of the Kali-type goddess. She looks wild. Her sexuality is rampant…she will eat your face and your man’s face…then have wild war-sex with his near-corpse. And she probably wears a lot of scandalous red colors or is nude.

Yep. I like to rock that look sometimes—but what does that tell us? You can’t really show up to your PTA meeting like that.

Not, really.

Yes, these goddess stereotypes are awesome and even great aspirations if you can put your own meaning behind the visuals. I’m all for relating to known goddess archetypes. I would be lying if I said I have never felt the literal presence of Oshun or Inanna in my life. I enjoy calling in the spirits and deities that I resonate with or who come to me (or I to them) during different periods in my life. It’s a blessing. But as far as striving to achieve their essence, the quintessential, letter-for-letter goddess vibe…forget it.

Create your own.

Use their guidance to uncover your own unique and distinct divinity. Ask Goddess to reveal your magic to you. Ask your higher self—the genderless, omniscient you: what are you the goddess of? What are your divine attributes?

If you were an altar statue, what would you be holding in your hand? A lotus? A spear? A pair of Sennheiserheadphones and a Cuisinart? Do you make really good pie and love feeding it to people? Are you physically fit and love to run? Do you have huge boobs that are abundant and beautiful? Maybe you’re an adroit problem solver. Do you make people laugh? Are you wildly practical?

Knowing this and honoring it will make you feel confident and truly able to reign over your domain. It will make this whole goddess thing suddenly more accessible.

Build an altar to this goddess: you. I’m deadly serious. Don’t try to be all holy and ethereal about it…be real. Reality is magical too. What are your superpowers?

2. Give nary a fuck

Let me add the caveat that everything you do ought to come from the heart. And by “nary a fuck”, I mean: no fucks shall be wasted on those who matter not. (I’m not sure why I’m writing as if this is getting carved onto a stone tablet, but I’m going with it.)

Thou shalt not tosseth your fucks before swine!

Coming into my power required letting go of doing a lot of what I thought I should (this process is not over—it never is). You get better and better at it into infinity. But the process goes on forever until, like, you’re Buddha.

Man, what a drag it is worrying about what other people think. I don’t think this is news, of course, but I wouldn’t write it if it didn’t still happen every three seconds on Earth—especially by women.

Women apologize all the time for everything they do without even knowing it. We apologize when we tell people that we are working so much we can’t talk on the phone. And we aren’t apologizing for the missed phones calls: we’re apologizing by working so hard that it’s impeding our interaction with everything outside it. We apologize by driving ourselves that hard. We apologize by hesitating to say how we feel, to live our truth. We apologize when we bury a part of our true, genuine selves deep inside. We do this out of fear that our loved ones would cast us aside if they really knew, or that they’d think poorly of us (this kind of doesn’t apply if your genuine self is a serial killer).

Worse—we think we should bury it because our loved one’s peace of mind is more important than living into the way the universe expressed us during this lifetime.

The truth is we are doing a disservice to those around and with us, by apologizing for and cushioning the blow of ourselves. We are allowing them to live inside of a lie. We aren’t giving them the option to choose to grow or to not. And we do all that at the expense of our purpose on Earth. Lame and totally pointless.

Listen, I give fucks…I do. I use them to express my truth and to know that it is indeed truth when I say it. If I don’t know if it’s my truth—I say it out loud and discuss openly the way that I am feeling without blame, pretense or sugar-coating (and with lots and lots of love).

I will say, “I’m feeling this. I don’t know why yet. How do you feel?” And that is my truth for that moment. Those are the kinds of fucks I give. I will not say, “You’re a total asshole, I hate you, you wrecked my day”, because that’s never the truth. My most precious fucks are reserved for my life-long friends and family (insofar as I will hear what they have to say with an open heart). But I will not take on their judgments or projections and I will not be upset if they can’t see my side. They don’t need to agree with my lifestyle.

For my beloved (I don’t want to get into the deep fuck-giving that you do with a life partner here) there are a lot of fucks to give in that department, while still maintaining your truth. And if you can’t maintain your truth in a partnership…wait, how is that a partnership again?

Everyone else?

I give a fuck about them in the brotherly love sense. I give a fuck about the world, about the mother earth, about my human brothers and sisters and my plant and animal ones too. I try always to act and speak with love and be kind to those around me. I don’t have attachment to proving anything. I know who I am. This is all about loving kindness. Do your thing (or thang). I don’t think even Quan Yin gives a fuck what you think (and she’s all hearts and flowers).

How do you become free of fucks for the giving?

3. Do your work!

Don’t talk about the work. Don’t do a little of the work. Don’t do the easy parts of the work and avoid the hard ones.

That’s like filling in all C’s on a multiple-choice quiz, because you’re bound to get some of them right. That’s the level of commitment you’re giving with doing only the warm and fuzzy parts of your spiritual work.

Goddess is not a lightweight. Not very many goddesses would ask simply for you to give people lots of hugs and go to Vipassana once every three years. Attending power yoga once a week isn’t your work either. Neither is taking plant medicine from some young, Caucasian shaman (whom you’ve just met, in your apartment in Los Angeles) vomiting for 5 hours and not processing your experience into physical reality afterwards. Ingesting some entheogens recreationally at a party and running naked through the forest in total bliss…yeah, isn’t going to cut it either.

I’m talking nitty-gritty—more than chanting OM now and then. I mean facing demons and fears, opening yourself wide and making your spiritual life your whole life, not just another thing for your ego to identify with.

And believe me, your ego will find anything at all to identify with. Your life is spiritual. You want to feel like a goddess? Worship at her feet! Don’t post about it on the internet (she says from the internet). I’m being figurative with the worshiping at the feet thing. But I am saying that you must dive-in to the Divine; to live and breath it; to invite it’s guidance and presence. All the time: there is no context that is outside of your spirit.

Your job, relationship, sex-life, bank account, friends, that trip to Whole Foods, your kids and your spiritual growth—it’s all one thing. Your journey (the entirety of your deep calling to embody the goddess within yourself) is relevant in every situation that you will experience. Take responsibility for everything that you do and say. Do not blame anyone. Ever. Eat pure, clean foods.

WWTGD (what would the goddess do)?

4. Make art. Grow plants.

Paint a picture. Sculpt a statue. Grow tomatoes or flowers. It doesn’t matter if you suck at drawing or sculpt with Fimo. Render images of the world around you (or the world inside you) with your hands. I feel that for this, the purpose of empowering your feminine, your creative medium ought to be completely analog. Nothing digital. Use your hands.

Get old school: paint, pencil, wood, clay—tool in your hands or hands as the tool.

Growing things exercises the nurturing muscle. Nurturing is beautifully feminine (not just female, feminine). Get back to the origins and away from electronics—from screens and things that need to be plugged in. Unplug yourself (she says from the internet). The reason behind this will become evident as you explore the divine artist/nurturer inside you. If you get frustrated at first…good.

And finally…

5. Grow your pubic hair wild and free

Just kidding! I really meant—dress like a whore (joking again—sort of).

I said I would give you five things. And even though there are lots more (we all know how much I can expound on a topic) I already edited out about five billion words. Getting in touch with the goddess within has become less of a practice and more of an “is”, for me.

Feminine divinity, the goddess, the Mother Earth—all of this is inside us. I am surprised all the time by the way that the feminine embodies…me, itself and that guy over there. Once you get the ball rolling, learn to trust yourself more and challenge yourself, it becomes a subtle dialogue inside that is mirrored in your world. It’s a beautiful dance.

But, if I had to choose one thing for this last number that I feel is so important to empowering the feminine within, it would be: appreciate and honor the divine masculine.

Yin and Yang, baby. Mmm…Yang.

But truly, what better way to clearly see the goddess than to see the god, too? What complements the feminine?

Raw chocolate?

No, masculine (silly billy)!

The divinity within the masculine is the goddess’ mirror. Look there in wonder—in deep honoring that this is also you.

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"2. Give nary a fuck
Let me add the caveat that everything you do ought to come from the heart. And by “nary a fuck”, I mean: no fucks shall be wasted on those who matter not. (I’m not sure why I’m writing as if this is getting carved onto a stone tablet, but I’m going with it.)

Thou shalt not tosseth your fucks before swine!"

This is the funniest most awesomeist thing I have ever read on EJ. Thank you!!! LOL!!!