Hey all lpsg members out there. I need help. Ive been through a really recently, trying to figure out exactly what my sexuality is. I find it hard to decide whether Im straight or gay, as I feel that I have a certain attraction towards both sexes. Sometimes I find myself more turned out by women, whilst other times I wonder if I could find a guy. I see that on lpsg, members can classify themselves as being a certain percentage of straight or gay. What I dont understand is, I often see people who classify themselves as being 80% straight talk vividly about their sexual experiencesabout other men. This is what confuses me! I mean, I wouldnt mind having sex with both a guy or a girl, but I just dont know how to define my sexuality! Everyone out there, could you please help me out and give me some suggestions? How should I go forward in addressing this issue?

I used to think I had to choose straight or gay too and was very confused. My feelings only made sense when I realised I was bisexual. I don't think you should worry about defining your sexuality, just be open minded and listen to your feelings.

VerifiedGold Member

The first time I fell in love with a girl I was confused about my orientation as well. There's no need to though. Labels are just that: labels. They don't describe who you are, they shine a light on a very small part of you. Not every single part of you can stand in the spotlight all the time, they change position on a regular basis.

Might sound silly, but I adjust my percentages all the time depending on how I'm feeling. For a few weeks last month I was getting off on a lot of straight porn, fantasizing about having sex with women, and even considered going out and finding one to fuck.

This past Friday I went out with a guy who I couldn't stop thinking about fucking so hard he'd scream.

This whole debate really screwed with my head for a very long time because I thought that being gay meant you had to be feminine, lisping, and limp wristed. How could I be attracted to some women the way I was attracted to some men?

Somewhere on this site is a great post by Industrialsize that essentially says that labels were born to describe things that already exist, not for things that already exist to describe themselves. The label follows you. You don't follow the label.

Sexuality can be fluid. Sexuality can be indeterminate. Just do your thing and let the doctors and philosophers worry about what to call it. The most important thing is that you accept yourself and enjoy the good fortune of being attracted to both sexes.

Technically I am bisexual but I find that word is loaded with so many biases in the minds of others that I just say I'm gay. It also fits me better because I am primarily attracted to men. The argument over what means what is, to me, wasted time and effort and so I avoid it.

sexuality is fluid and shouldnt be put in a box. most people struggle with this major part of their lives because they feel that they have to be straight/gay to make other people comfortable by being defineable. just have fun with your sexuality. enjoy the journey not the destination

It took me a long time to decide what my sexuality was. at first i was terrified that i 'might be gay' (it sounds like i thought it was a disease at the time, society and its classifications...) but after a while i realised that just because i like the idea of sex with men as well as women, dosnt make me different. Sexuality is something we cannot change, it is NOT a choice no matter how hard society tries to say so. in fact homoosexuality is extremely common amongst animals. there is even a species of chimp who have sex to greet each other where other animals might sniff their butts, or shake hands. male monkey have sex with other males when the meet them, and women with women. its no use trying to pretend to be otherwise.

i agree with everyone else, be who you are, be honest to yourself, and eventually you will realise that acceptance is easy.

IMO, there are a lot of people here who are just starting to be honest with themselves about their sexuality. Those guys who say they're 10% or 20% gay and going on about how hot other guys are ... I think they're in an exploration and building-self-acceptance mode themselves.

LPSG is a place where it's cool to be straight, gay, or bi, and people use it to help get themselves some sense of what their sexuality is.

If people ... like the OP, who are just being honest with themselves about being attracted to some guys and some girls ... just say to themselves, "You know, I guess I'm turned on by some members of both sexes," I think that's a great first big step.

Gold Member

maybe you're bi bruddah? despite what most peoples think, bi guys exist. and i've said it here before, but i truly believe everyone on the planet, whether they have the testicular or ovarian fortitude for admit it, is bisexual. even if they've just had the thoughts.

VerifiedGold Member

First of all it's really impossible to "rate" your sexuality in percentages...and that's
why I hate labels. I believe we're born with our sexual attractions already imprinted
and they can not be changed or learned.....what we are is what we are......

I have rated myself 50/50% because it is probably the truest way to describe me.
I don't like it, but is more honest that giving nothing. My "feelings" do fluxuate,
depending on how I am attracted at the time...so one day it may be high on one side
and low on the other...and at another time the opposite. But, since I am in a LTR,
I can only look and not touch......:smile:

To me.....if you are "extremely" attracted and "equally" attracted sexually to one of
the opposite sex as you are to your own sex, then you are probably a BI-sexual.
As a BI, your attactions can be very fluid....at times, it can be "greater" for one sex
over the other, and then at other times it will be for the other sex.

However, I also believe that a straight, and even the straightest of persons, can be
attracted by the same sex.....which does not make that person Gay or BI.

You either have an attraction or you don't. Now that does not mean that you have
to act upon them. I believe you can find one of the opposite sex attractive, and
yes, even be turned on by them, but not act upon this attraction. For example, a
straight can live in a completely monogamous relationship with a wife or gf, and
still find another woman sexy, hot and sexually arousing. You might even fantasize
about them and even get off on them through wanking. The same can be said about
a BI, being in a relationship and finding attractions to the opposite sex and not acting upon them.

However, if you really are interested and it will not hurt another, then try it. You
just might help you discover which you are....straight, gay, or BI. OR....just a person
with attractions......period! That I like!

When you say that sometimes you are more turned on by woman, are you asking yourself it that may not only be the lies you are feeding yourself to stick with the cultural norms. used to be my problem. stand up straight after a good wanking.

before the wanking, collect your very favorite male and female pics, search everywhere, be really true to yourself, try to explore your wildest fantasies, it doesn't matter if it's not normal, hope it is with still adult humanbeings lol,jk, then after the wanking, watch these pics, slowly and thing the wildest thoughts about what you want them to do to you.

sexuality is fluid, but that 10% diffrence would mean the world for you

Gold Member

The first time I fell in love with a girl I was confused about my orientation as well. There's no need to though. Labels are just that: labels. They don't describe who you are, they shine a light on a very small part of you. Not every single part of you can stand in the spotlight all the time, they change position on a regular basis.

Don't try to define it, be who you are and enjoy!

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Wiser words are hard to find.

People are obsessed with labeling. I'm white. I'm straight. I'm Asian. I'm post-queer alterna-punk. I'm from West Queen Street West. What tha fuck? I don't give two shits what my sexuality is and I couldn't be happier. There are gay men out there who build houses and shave with the full moon, and there are straight guys out there who gargle with cum. Words cannot constrain the continua of human experience.

Like many have said here, my attractions fluctuate. I am constantly attracted to men, but my "gay" percentage goes up or down, depending on different things.

I understand the confusion. Labels put everything in a tight little box don't they? Though that might appear comfortable, it really isn't. Instead of labelling yourself, accept that you are attracted to both or even one more than the other. Acceptance is the key.

Forget about the labels. The journey into the fullness of your unique sexuality may find you in relationships (at different times) with men and also with women. If you give of yourself in a relationship you will find that the response is such that you both need and want to express the bond sexually. That's the beauty and mystery of your time of life. Where you will end up is not something you want to lay out too firmly. Even long-term relationships end, but when two persons have bonded in genuine friendship and love and have sealed that bond sexually, even though the sexual contact ends, the love you have for each other remains. You may eventually come to the time when you know and appreciate the fact that you are ambisexual: that is, you can enjoy and sustain a long-term relationship(including sex) with either a man or a woman. It will also make you a person who values love whether that be in a relationship with a man or a woman. Casual sex may be momentarily exciting but it pales in comparison with sex in a loving relaltionship.

Forget about the labels. The journey into the fullness of your unique sexuality may find you in relationships (at different times) with men and also with women. If you give of yourself in a relationship you will find that the response is such that you both need and want to express the bond sexually. That's the beauty and mystery of your time of life. Where you will end up is not something you want to lay out too firmly. Even long-term relationships end, but when two persons have bonded in genuine friendship and love and have sealed that bond sexually, even though the sexual contact ends, the love you have for each other remains. You may eventually come to the time when you know and appreciate the fact that you are ambisexual: that is, you can enjoy and sustain a long-term relationship(including sex) with either a man or a woman. It will also make you a person who values love whether that be in a relationship with a man or a woman. Casual sex may be momentarily exciting but it pales in comparison with sex in a loving relaltionship.

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Don't forget the labels, they are there to give answers, maybe it isn't that great. But some people wonder what they are and then it is hard to hear that you just enjoy life and sexuality. But actually they wanna know if they are straight, bi or gay. When youc an give it a name, you can accept it better. It is also a thing other people will ask and they also want to have an idea, and the words straight, bi and gay give them the right idea.

Like for myself, I noticed that I love the person, not the gender... So I'm probably bi... But prefer the straight side, because I just love women more.

let me add my 2 cent's worth: I don't know what age you are. That means something but let me assume you're under 30. I admittedly don't have an exact answer for your dilemma but I would tell you what I tell other people confused about their sexuality. I believe that no one is truly bisexual--someone told me once that a bisexual just a gay person living in denial. I don't know if i'd go that far but a bisexual almost always has a lot of emotional baggage to deal with.

I dealt with understanding my sexuality for many years and it took me years to come to grips with it in my early-mid 20s. One thing that aided me was NOT having sex until i figured it out. It was a painful and depressing time but with time I knew I liked guys--dating girls was not for me and VERY unfair to women, too. If u can afford counseling do it. I'm not saying a gay or gay-friendly counselor but some trained professional who can be impartial and objective in helping you figure things out. I believe it's my mission to help people figure out who they are. I've seen too many bi guys suffer, struggle w/depression, suicide, medication, heartbreak, divorce to know better. PLEASE get the help you need or you'll live an unhappy life I can vitrually guarantee it. Know that someone does care out there and praying you'll be happy GAY OR STRAIGHT! Good luck and God bless Pyreath

Gold Member

Hey all lpsg members out there. I need help. Ive been through a really recently, trying to figure out exactly what my sexuality is. I find it hard to decide whether Im straight or gay, as I feel that I have a certain attraction towards both sexes. Sometimes I find myself more turned out by women, whilst other times I wonder if I could find a guy. I see that on lpsg, members can classify themselves as being a certain percentage of straight or gay. What I dont understand is, I often see people who classify themselves as being 80% straight talk vividly about their sexual experiencesabout other men. This is what confuses me! I mean, I wouldnt mind having sex with both a guy or a girl, but I just dont know how to define my sexuality! Everyone out there, could you please help me out and give me some suggestions? How should I go forward in addressing this issue?

Much help appreciated.

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Just be a sexual person. Not an either/or. You have many days and nights ahead in your life. And life is emergent. Changing.
Only when you look back to where you've been, then you can pen your autobiography with some modicum of certainty and describe who you were and have become.