Is your girl/boyfriend too clingy?

You may be lacking in sleep or your boss notices that your cellphone keeps beeping with new messages. You may require surgery to have this malignant tumour that is clinging to your side removed. Let me know and I'll be right around with a chainsaw.

How many times does he/she call you?

1-2 times a week.

Every second day.

Once a day.

2-3 times a day.

3-5 times a day.

5+ times a day (you poor thing you).

Does he/she get upset with you if you don't check in with them after going somewhere?

No - I've got them trained.

Yes - I have to wear bodyarmour when I get close.

Is your partner's behaviour acceptable and justified so far?

Yes - I have the perfect amount of freedom.

No - I need the key to my ball and chain.

Does your boy/girlfriend get upset with you at the drop of a hat when you do or say something wrong?

No - I'm pretty careful.

No - We get on really well.

No - I try to hide it when it does go wrong.

Yes - But they get over it pretty soon.

Yes - It takes ages to dig myself out of my hole.

In public does your boy/girlfriend go over the top when you speak to members of the opposite sex?

No - They're pretty cool about it.

No - But I hear about it when I get home.

Yes - But that's because I'm far too attractive.

Yes - I haven't spoken to anyone else but my mom.

Yes - And then they beat that person up.

On the phone - is it hard to get rid of your boy/girlfriend without them getting upset?

No - Calm as a coma.

No - I cut the phoneline.

Yes - I am frightened of my phone.

Are you so sick of how clingy your boy/girlfriend is that you are seriously considering dumping them?

No - I love them.

No - They have something I want.

No - Have you seen Fatal Attraction?

Yes - I just don't know how to do it.

Yes - I'm doing it now.

Do you want me to come over with my chainsaw to cut them off making you free? Free! Do you hear me? FREE!