Still Feeling Heartbroken about My Friend and the House Fire

My friend in the Philippines died last week, tomorrow will be one week since he died, he was buried today.

I still feel shocked, down and sad, I want to cry all the time.

I play things in my mind that I’d love to tell him, but don’t like writing it on his FB.

I have so much regrets, its been 2 years since we last met. Due to some existential crisis and depression, I haven’t been there nor talked to him, I was invited by my cousin last year.

I regret so much that I didn’t go, he asked once to my mom when I’m going back there.

I wish we made more memories like when we were kids. Even though we weren’t the closest of friends, him being gone and accepting it hurts.

Every day I think of him, when I think of my friends there I think of him being there. I made a promise I’d come back some day.

He was only 30 years old and was trapped in the house which went on fire.

The thought of him in there hurts, I even saw the photo, it didn’t look like him, wish I never looked.

I regret not being in contact with him for 2 years, I regret not going there last year when I had the chance. Been battling my own life crisis.

Every time I tell myself he’s gone forever now so accept it, I get that tingling heart break like pain.

It’s so hard to accept he is gone and I will never see him again.

I regret I became insecure through my 20s and I wish we made more memories.

Ever since I saw my auntie’s house burning on the local news there, my heart shrank, since then my feelings of anxiety and depression has come back. All those happy memories, everything gone, including their clothes etc. Same with the neighbours.

I feel anger towards the ones responsible who could’ve prevented it and not alerted the fire brigade until it was too late.

I feel sad that all of this didn’t have to happen, it could’ve been prevented. They had lessons 20 years ago.

He buried now, it looks like everyone are starting to move on over there…. I’m not really sure, but maybe it’s because of religion.

I don’t know what happens after death, but it all scares me and I’m gutted for him and everyone else.

If you live a long, full life, you will mourn the loss of many people that you love. That is the nature of existence. It may be hard to accept or endure, but this is not unique to just you. Everyone experiences the same thing. This includes everyone alive today and everyone who has ever lived. And the key word is “lived.” Even with the pain of loss, all of these people have gone on to live their lives. They have cried and mourned, but they have all gone on. Your pain of loss is great but it will lessen month by month and year by year. Your love for those that you have lost, will not lessen. You will feel the love without the pain. It takes time, but what you are experiencing has been experienced by all those who have come before you.

Here is a famous quote for you. It is by Alfred Lord Tennyson. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” An English poet said those words two hundred years ago and they are still repeated today. Yes, you have lost one that you love, but you are better having lost that love than if you had never known that person and thus never developed that love. He is gone but the love lives on. The pain you feel is a small price to pay for the love that you keep with you and will keep with you always.

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Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference Randle, K. (2019). Still Feeling Heartbroken about My Friend and the House Fire. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 7, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/03/06/still-feeling-heartbroken-about-my-friend-and-the-house-fire/

Last updated: 1 Mar 2019 (Originally: 6 Mar 2019) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 1 Mar 2019Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.