If you just happen to find yourself in the ‘never-been-in-a-relationship’ basket, here are eight things you need to remind yourself:

Just because “everyone else” is in a relationship, doesn’t mean you’re missing out

One of the biggest reasons people worry if they aren’t in (or have ever been) in a long term relationship is because it seems like everyone else is.

Perhaps everyone else in your circle of friends really is all loved up — and you’re always the third wheel.

Remember, you don’t have to have the same relationship status as them in order to fit in and be ‘normal’. You still have value to add to the other people in your life — even if they happen to come in pairs.

You don’t need to exile yourself from the group in search of other singletons.

Stop worrying, stop waiting — just enjoy yourself

You don’t need a partner in order to feel fulfilled and enjoy life. Until you find a long-term partner to share life’s experiences with, be happily single in the meantime.

Maximise time with the people already in your life — the ones who uplift you and bring joy to your days.

Spend time with yourself.

You’ll look back at this time and remember what you did and how you felt — and not necessarily on who you did or didn’t share it with.

Revel in your freedom — do the things now that don’t necessarily come so freely to those who are ‘committed’ to other people.

3 Responses

I’m 22. I delved into career mode from an early age- 16 to be exact. With no intention of sounding cocky, I feel like I would make a great girlfriend. I’m average looking, spontaneous, fun to be around, not the clingy cliche, understanding of the male species and how to carry myself like a lady. As much as I am fun and outgoing, much of my weekends revolve around doing chores, reading a good book, and playing mom to my 4 year old brother, who has been in my care for a long time. I support my family’s financial and other needs, and sometimes I look at my life and its not where I want to be. I would surely like to be in a relationship…not in a way to suggest that a relationship will make me “whole”, because I am 100 percent comfortable in my own skin. I love who I am, and I crave for someone to love me too. I just don’t know where to look.

In all my life, despite being quite social, I have never found someone that I truly want to be with…well at least not someone who isn’t my cousin’s ex boyfriend. I kissed him once. We were hanging out, drinking and he started going on and on about how much he loves the person I am…at that point, I started to feel all of these amazing emotions, but there was guilt too. We’ve been great friends for years. He has every quality that I have been looking for- even the imperfections that my cousin genuinely hates. I am not a deviant person, and I don’t feel she doesn’t deserve him. I love her and I love him. I want them both to be happy and I know that they still love each other…I have always rejected the guys that I am certain were insincere, and although I know my cousin’s boyfriend is a bit of dick, I feel like he genuinely cares for me in a way that no one else has…from the way he stares at me and smile, to the respect and love that his family treats me with.

After we got a bit tipsy, he told me how much he loves who I am and wishes his girlfriend (my cousin) was more like me. He kissed me and I kissed him back. we made out in the backseat of a taxi for about half of an hour. I even ditched work that evening. We both knew it was a mistake and agreed not to talk about it. Shortly after that agreement, he called me to say that he wasn’t that tipsy and didn’t regret kissing me. It was the same case with me, but I didn’t let him know this.

A few months later, they broke up. My cousin, without knowing that I deceived her trust, said that it couldn’t work between them because he, apparently wanted to be someone she was not- more like me. I’m still having mixed emotions about this. I know he still genuinely cares for her though…

I realize that I’m ranting, and I don’t mean to, but its hard not having people who I can explain this to, who would not judge me. I never wanted him to leave her or anything like that. I don’t want to be a home wrecking character and “snatch him up”, but I do wish that I had someone like that in my life who was not tied to another woman. I feel like because he knew her first, and we hung out as friends, he got to know me in a way that most men don’t, and its not that I don’t want men to know me and all of me, but I just don’t seem to meet the right guys. I may need help.

I feel dumb writing this, but whoever is at the end of this email, I would love it if you can help…I want to find love. I want to be in love, I want to get married and have kids and balance my career. I’m not asking for a life of perfection. I am prepared to put in the work and face the struggles…my whole life has been about struggle, and I just want someone to hold on to and make out with, and feel loved. Am I crazy?

This article really made me feel better about myself. I am 31 and constantly feel like a failure because I am single and have been for almost ten years now. My last relationship was with a verbally abusive man and I hated how I put up with it and became desperate to make him love me. After that ended I felt good being alone and as years went by, I became more scared to date and become that girl again now all these years later all i get is pressure and comments from people. I just don’t want to date anyone. Everyone I’ve ever had feelings for has rejected me so i don’t see the point. About a year ago i forced myself to meet guys I was so lonely and at least I can meet guys for casual sex so I am not so alone and I like having 0 expectations for a relationship.

I have an okay life. A good career, I’m in grad school, I own my home and i have a couple good friends…I just am single because i haven’t met anyone in person…online dating is too scary…I also am afraid to be tied down..I love doing whatever I want without stsring at my phone .

I think eventually I’ll find someone x but I’m just tired of being c criticized and judged and bothered and looked at as if I’m abnornal… ugh