Flushing Away Those Little Etiquette Dilemmas

byadminonAugust 31, 2011

Today was just horribly weird. It involves me, my co-worker “S” and another girl “M”. lately my co-worker “S” and I have been noticing that there seems to be an appalling lack of bathroom etiquette lately; specifically, our co-worker “M” has recently started having ten minute conversations on her cell phone IN THE STALL.

We normally ignore her and quietly go about our business, but today was a BAD DAY for me. I rushed in the bathroom during a break in a long meeting and threw myself into a stall, and froze like a deer in the headlights when I suddenly heard her phone ring. She answered it. She started jabbering away, while I desperately tried to be…erm… ladylike. I was dying. I didn’t want to “disturb her conversation” but for all that is holy why on earth are people talking on their cell phones in the bathroom? Do you know where you are?! How are you not embarrassed about sitting on a toilet talking in the bathroom to your friend/husband/vendor? Really? Does he think that strange echo is feedback? Is the flushing sounds your new ringtone? WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE!

*deep breath.

As I am sitting there, trying to convince my colon that it wasn’t being punked by Asthon Kutcher and that the bad lady wouldn’t notice a thing (because she is talking too loud and is too self absorbed) my friend “S” comes in the restroom. She suddenly exclaims, “OP, are you still in here? The break is over and they are waiting for you.” I felt the blood drain from my face, and stammered something incoherent. At this point, “M” starts talking again to the person on the phone louder because apparently “S” is making too much noise. “S” laughed when she realized why I was frozen to the seat and then walked into the stall next to me and starts flushing the toilet over and over again. This finally had an effect on “M”, who suddenly goes, “Sorry it got loud in here, let me call you back”. She then proceeds to burst out of the bathroom stall and fled the bathroom. “S” cracks up and then tells me, “I will tell them you will be a few more minutes,” and leaves the bathroom. I sat there stunned for a minute, and then was finally able to get back to the meeting.

All through the meeting I couldn’t look at “S” in the face. We were somewhat hysterical all day, and avoided each other until our shift was over. As I was walking out to my car “M” approaches me in the parking lot and goes, “I just think you should know, your friend “S” is the rudest woman I have ever met,” and she flounced off to her car.

Perhaps it’s because I’m a man, but were someone to be having a conversation in the bathroom on the phone (public bathroom mind you) I have no qualms with allowing my bodily functions to make whatever noise they need to as it is a public restroom. If the person on the phone didn’t want said noises to carry across the phone s/he should take his/her conversation elsewhere.

I remember a short story I once read with a little girl who was worried she would get in trouble for using the toilet when she was at the movie with her sitter. It said “Ladies Rest Room” on the door. She wasn’t a lady and she wasn’t going in there to rest.

I will never understand why people think this is appropriate. The most mortified I think I have ever been was a similar situation – except the coworker was on the phone with her doctor’s office and was describing – in great detail mind you – a physical malady in her female parts. She was in the stall directly next to me and was inspecting herself and describing in explicit detail. I wish – like “M” above – I had been self possessed enough to complete my business and leave but I was frozen on the spot and actually too embarrassed to move. I don’t know which one of us was more relieved when the person on the other end of the line granted her the appointment to see the doctor that afternoon because she hung up quickly and vacated the ladies room and I was able to leave with some semblance of my dignity intact.

When I was in college, I ducked into a bathroom between classes. A girl came in on the phone, used the bathroom, DID NOT flush and DID not wash her hands as she left. And was on the phone the entire time. I was appalled. But there you go. Some people have no sense whatsoever. I just try not to touch handles anymore.

Oh man, cell phones in bathroom stalls! One time I was sitting in a bathroom stall and from the stall beside me comes a voice saying “Hey, are you there?” I hesitate, but I’m the only other person in the bathroom, so after a moment I say, “Um… yes?”

Then the person launches into a completely unrelated conversation… on her cell phone.