How would you fix the Oscars?

Once again, the entertainment savvy that goes into making memorable movies was almost entirely lacking from this year’s Oscarcast. The show's efforts to come off as young and hip were about as relevant as Nehru jackets and love beads. Partly it was the fault of inflexible Oscar traditions: the show begins with an hourlong prologue where people walk into the theater.

Then there was the writing, with strained references to Tweets, the Internet and Facebook (you know, that email stuff the Academy voters’ grandkids like.) James (Novocain face) Franco deserves a share of the blame for a stiff, smirking non-performance. Any show where the highlight is the suspense generated by Kirk Douglas taking 127 hours to announce the best supporting actress is a show that needs help.

So I throw it to you, Oscar viewers. If you were given total creative control over next year’s Academy Awards broadcast, how would you inject some excitement?

Hire Ricky Gervais to write a sarcastic live blog commentary to run onscreen?

Institute a swimsuit competition?

Take a hint from the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards and shoot a few presenters with a forceful geyser of green slime?