french literally meaning "I don't know what"...which is exactly what this blog is. It's everything and anything I'm obsessed with...which are all totally random and all totally amazing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

million dollar decorators

So right now there is a bomb squad in my building. OHMYGOSH! you say...what are you still doing at your desk? you say. Both are interesting points. Who knows...once again with Capitol police on the scene, you never will get a straight answer. But while I have a couple of minutes to ponder my existence before I die, I want to share my new Bravo obsession: Million Dollar Decorators. Ya'll...the shit is bananas. The show follows 5 designers in LA. All are crazy, all are amazing. Let's start in alphabetical order...

Martyn Lawrence Bullard

This picture was obviously taken about 20 pounds ago, as we found out in one episode, he is addicted to chocolate. Like addicted. Like made love to the chocolate. It was quite horrific. Martyn is the decorator to the stars...and doesn't mind throwing their names around. Elton John, Cher, the Ozbournes. I haven't seen much of his designs, but what I have seen seems to be red, black, white, and chrome. He also spends $25k on a Beatles picture. PICTURE. Not memorabilia, but a picture. One of his clients is the esteemed Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild fame. Little Joey has bought an amazing $25 million dollar estate and can't seem to keep the help. The reason for this is his temper. Whoa boy. His temper is out of control. He fires people just for breathing. He fires them for no reason at all. Suffice to say, homeboy is a dick.

Kathryn Ireland

Kathryn is from England. She has 3 sons that like to kid around. She is bohemian. She says the word "darling" a lot. She loves to drink wine. She's totally fine and lovely. What makes her the best, is her french cook, Jacqueline. I can't even describe her other than to say, I want to be her when I grow up. Except for all the cooking.

Mary McDonald

Of all the designers, Mary is probably closer to my aesthetic than any of the others. She's all about glamour. She has no concept of money or budget or minimal. Her poor assistant Kathy just stands by, shaking her head quietly chanting "no, no, no". She talks non-stop and is BFF's with....

Nathan Turner

I love Nathan, but there isn't really much to say about him. He's kind of boring. The first episode he introduced us to his crazy client who couldn't handle any dust. She was just sooo stressed that she spent $100k redoing her patio.
Jeffery Alan Marks

I've saved the best for last. Actually, I lie. JAM gets on my nerves like no one else. His life is just *so hard*. He feels that he is more important than the president...like, he actually said that. He spent $100,000 on a desk. And not a desk that you have a computer on or sit at, but just a desk that goes in a window. His business partner is also his boyfriend...the bitchy, hateful, hot South African named Ross.

Yes, he looks pretty but he is a nasty ass. He doesn't care who he offends as long as he gets his way. Now, I'm not sure how he can live with someone, work with someone, and go to the same gym with someone and not get sick of them. Because to be honest, I get sick of them very quickly. And his hair drives me crazy. Either grow it out a bit or just cut it. There should be a rule on this show that he can only do scenes with his shirt off. Word.

And that, my dears, is million dollar decorators. Get into it because while a bit trifling, it is fantastic.