Some crazy lady whose goal in life is to ride a camel. Passionate about Life and Learning. A sit-down point of view as a woman of mixed ethnicity and having been born with Spina Bifida.

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Becoming a “grown up” doesn’t happen overnight

I have news for you. It ain’t easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. So get that notion out of your head right now. No whining about how “hard” it is to be independent. Because whoever told you it was going to be easy flat out lied to you.

And after reading this, do yourself a favor and show it to your parents. They may not like it (ha, I doubt you’ll like it either, but hey, this is coming from someone who’s been there and knows what she’s talking about so all of your excuses are out the effin’ window).

Before I go any further, let me clarify something for those who get their exercise by jumping to conclusions. I’m not so limited to my own reality that I believe “everyone” can do “exactly” the same things I do. We all have strong points and weak points. BUT we can work on them, around them, get help with them. For example I’m good at managing finances and doing chores on my own. Sometimes I need help with things, like if my shoulder becomes injured. The point is, I’m independent, it is my nature but it was also nurtured by a family who recognized the importance of me being independent. Maybe you need a little help with finances (because frankly, it isn’t just us (people with disabilities) who sometimes need help in that department. And there is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you will find it helpful to enlist the aid of a Personal Care Assistant, or maybe reside in an assisted living facility.That’s what they’re there for. And who knows, maybe some where down the road I may find myself utilizing these services. Such is life.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The reason why I wanted to write this blog is because of the (too) many adults with Spina Bifida I’ve spoken with, who are completely capable of living more independently but aren’t because they haven’t been encouraged by their caregiver to be more independent (and who are constantly lamenting over how much they WANT to be independent). You may not have had much of a say in it when you were a kid, but guess what? You’re an adult now. Time to “step up to the plate” and “put your foot down”. Sit down with your mom or dad or whomever and let them know flat out that they’re not going to be around forever and they really need to look ahead and seriously think about how YOU are going to live your life as independently as possible once they’re gone, if they aren’t already showing you how to do it. There is no magical transformation, it doesn’t automatically happen. They’re setting you up for a world of hurt if they don’t. I’m not parent bashing either. I’m a mom and a grandma, I worry about my babies (yes, they’ll always be my “babies”). But I also know I won’t be around forever and they had/have to learn to be as self-sufficient as possible. And they are. Even my four-year-old has a say in making simple decisions – it’s called preparation.

Another suggestion. Don’t go off half-cocked and start the conversation when you’re in a bad mood or frustrated. Your point won’t be heard. Arm yourself with knowledge. Do a little research on the internet. Look up Centers for Independent Living and find out what services they offer that might be of help to you. Most of all, SHOW them you are capable, even if it’s starting small, like keeping your room clean if you’re physically able to do chores, or learn how to manage a bank account (people at the bank would be more than happy to show you, I used to work for a bank and part of my job was to do just that). No one will take you seriously if you don’t CONSISTENTLY make the effort.