As I was browsing around PTO the other day, I realized that Iíve been a member for almost 8 years! I couldnít believe itís been that long so I decided to look back at some of my old threads/posts to see how much has changed. I came across this piece that I had found on the internet and that I had posted in September 2010. I hope it helps all the newer parents to see that not all is lost and that there is something good that can come out of this experience. And, yes, it still brings tears to my eyes!

I AM A PRISON MOTHER

( A True Story )

April 5, 2004

I am a Prison Mother. This is not something I chose for my life. This is a road that I am working my way down, because my son made poor choices in his life. Drugs became his best friend, and crime became his pastime. Now he will be living in a prison, until he has paid his debt to society. This is exactly where he needs to be. I would not change his life right now, even if I could. My son has made some serious mistakes. He knows this, and so do I. But, after he puts all of this behind him, he will be ready to step forward into the community to be the man God meant him to be.
This morning I am up very early. It is visiting day at the prison and I want to be in the line before it gets too long. I shower, dress, take time for a dry piece of toast and a cup of yesterday's coffee warmed over ... and, I'm out the door and on my way.
Where my son is incarcerated, it costs $7.00 to park your car. I pay my money, park the car and walk over to where the outside line is already wrapping around the corner of the outside waiting area. I go to the end of the line, and prepare to be patient. It is now 8:00 A.M. Some of the people at the head of the line have been here since last night. They have sleeping bags, blankets, sacks of food and sad faces. Some of these people I see over and over. They are there for a visit with their loved one each time I go. Sometimes we talk to each other. Sometimes we don't.

That's very good to read. Even for moms like me, whose son has been out over eight years, it brings back the feeling of going to see my son. A world that I never knew, but learned much about from his adventures.

It is a world that many know nothing of, yet many are in that world, and silently still being parents to the children they bore. With them through it all.

The recount of going to visit did bring back memories for sure. My husband has been "released from Prison" for two years now and ....the experience changed me for sure. Thanks for reminding me. I appreciate it.

__________________"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."

I just had to add this - Since being on this journey with my son I have learned: New lingo, new recipes (some good, some uggg lol), more about the different short cuts driving to see him once a month, and have grown even more closer to my son than I thought imaginable!

I just had to add this - Since being on this journey with my son I have learned: New lingo, new recipes (some good, some uggg lol), more about the different short cuts driving to see him once a month, and have grown even more closer to my son than I thought imaginable!

And adding to what you've learned, I've also had to learn PATIENCE - not only at visits, but in everything prison associated. You have to take it a day at a time or it will drive you crazy!

I just had to add this - Since being on this journey with my son I have learned: New lingo, new recipes (some good, some uggg lol), more about the different short cuts driving to see him once a month, and have grown even more closer to my son than I thought imaginable!

Me too. Though I have yet to discover any good recipes from the concoctions they come up with. In AZ, the food choices to send him through Securepak or commissary are not very good for cooking, but I give them all kudos for their inventiveness. One Christmas I sent him a book through Amazon which had prison recipes. His buddy who worked in the kitchen and had done a number of years was surprised to find new ones.

I am closer to my son too. But, I admittedly wonder how much is real and how much is manipulation so as not to lose mom's support. Yet, from conversations, I can also tell he has has had some good role models - some who have lectured him on being good to his mom and some more practical who have lectured him on quid pro quo with mom.