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I thought I knew Him then

Yesterday when we got home from grocery shopping I carried Teal (our 2 month old) & Avonlea (our 2 year old) inside and proceeded to unload the groceries while Blake and Cole got out of the car by themselves, or so I thought. Blake helped put the groceries away but Cole was taking quite a while to get out of the car. When I went back out for another load, and to check on Cole he was still sitting in his seat. Waiting. He was waiting for me to unbuckle him. He didn't realize that his brother had already unbuckled him. So he sat and waited - it was as if he was strapped in, even though he wasn't. I said "Cole, you're already unbuckled - you can get up." He smiled, got up quickly and ran inside. It immediately made me think of how often I do the same thing in regards to my faith. Jesus Christ has so much to offer me - so much power, so much grace, so much love - and yet I often live my life as if I'm strapped in. He has broken my chains and set me free - and yet, so often I just stay seated. This week, after being reminded of the power we have in Christ (at the Homeschoolers of Maine Annual Convention) I was able to draw from that strength and power so much more. I was far from perfect, but in those "I can't do this, I have no idea what to do" moments that I'm confronted with so often in this parenting adventure - I stopped myself and prayed IN FAITH, "Lord I KNOW I can do this in You. I am IN CHRIST and I know you can and will give me the strength and ability to do this and do this well." Sometimes it wasn't in so many words...like I may have just prayed/thought I am IN CHRIST...and in the some of the same situations that I monumentally failed last week, I saw extreme progress. I know I'm just at the very beginning of experiencing what God has to offer. It is amazing to me that I have been a Christian for most of my life and yet I am just beginning to "taste and see that the Lord is good" Ps 34:8.
Most of you know that I have four young kiddos. Almost everywhere I go (when I have them with me) people say things to me like, "I don't know how you do it", "I could never do what you do" "wow, you must be a saint" and even - "your crazy". I'll admit, it used to bother me. But it doesn't any more (well, most days) because I have finally realized that they are right (well, I don't know about the saint part...or the crazy part ;). But as far as the first two statements go, I absolutely, positively in NO WAY can do this - in my own strength. That very fact however, sends me clinging, begging, grasping for God in a way that I have never had to do before...and because of that, I have more power, more strength, more energy, more passion than I ever have before. The verse "my power is perfected in weakness" 2 Cor 12:9, finally makes sense to me. Please don't think I'm saying that I've got this thing down and/or that I don't have my weak moments. I definitely do. And, there are often times that I don't draw on the strength that Christ offers. I have to admit, though, that I am really excited about discovering, enjoying, and relying more and more on His incredible strength. And, I have a feeling that in a few years I will look back and think to myself, as Brad Paisley sings, "and I thought I loved knew her Him then" And, a few years after that, I'll think "and I thought I knew Him then" and that pattern will continue until one day, when Heaven's gates open wide and I see Him face to face - and know Him fully.

"Now you're my whole life
Now you're my whole world
I just can't believe
The way I feel about you girl
We'll look back someday
At this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then"

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