The comedy showcase opened with a scene from Wednesday's Capitol Hill spectacle, with Kenan Thompson playing U.S. Rep. Elijah Cummings, D-Maryland, who presided over the Cohen hearing and laid down the rules.

"Please do not ooh and ah," he said. "This is not 'Married... with Children.'"

The NFL mogul, played by Beck Bennett, portrayed himself as "the only person ever to take a private jet straight to a $59" sex act.

"I respect a man for getting a great deal," responded conservative lawyer Alan Dershowitz, played by host John Mulaney.

Jussie Smollett (Chris Redd), the actor arrested for allegedly making up a hate-crime attack, also sought advice on "Shark Tank." Fox News' Jeanine Pirro, portrayed by Cecily Strong, was elated by the allegations against Smollett.

"I wrote Fox News fan fiction about this, but I never thought it would come true," she said.

Later, the "Weekend Update" news segment returned to Cohen who, co-anchor Colin Jost said, "looks like he shaves in his car."