The Top 10 Worst Gadgets of 2007

To responsibly critique art, wrote W. H. Auden, requires "an inclination to praise rather than blame, and regret when a complete rejection is required...." But we've done our share of praising this year, and instead of another round-up of the products the online world collectively drooled over during 2007, here are our picks for the worst. Rather than going for the most obscure or ludicrous gadgets, we based our choices on missed opportunities, hype gone awry and some mysterious fumbles. And while we tried to bash constructively the gizmos we've tested so extensively in the lab, sometimes the most useful response is, in fact, a complete rejection.

10. Ironman Resolution Vibration Trainer | $2000

"Finally, a type of exercise everyone can stick with." So says the product page for the Ironman Resolution Vibration Trainer. There are at least two problems with that statement. First, it's not an exercise--you get on the machine, and it vibrates. You can do sit-ups or push-ups or squats, but let's be clear: Being vibrated is not an exercise. And second, we challenge anyone to "stick with" this so-called exercise. Of the six staff members who tried it, everyone reported some level of discomfort, from near-instant headaches, to lingering nausea to, no kidding, "stomach problems." Bathroom-related ones.

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This $2000 machine does one thing, and it does it hard. It vibrates like a jackhammer. Even at the lowest setting, we could feel the rumble through the entire office. Again, from the Web site: "Vibration training is low impact and gentle, enabling anyone, regardless of their age or fitness levels, to benefit without putting strain on joints or other parts of the body." Nothing about this thunderous pedestal was low-impact or gentle. One suggested position--a kind of sustained push-up with both hands on the platform--chafed our hands (the non-slip surface feels suspiciously like the business end of a sander) and rattled our wrist bones. Sitting or reclining on the Vibration Trainer wasn't much of a workout, unless you count the ensuing bowel problems.

A final note: We received our test unit ahead of schedule, because it had been returned early by the short-lived Megan Mullally Show. Even rapidly tanking daytime talk shows have to draw the line somewhere.

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9. 3001 AD Trimersion HMD | $595

Remember virtual reality? The dream--embodied in movies such as The Lawnmower Man and Brainscan--was simple. Instead of controlling a game using a clunky joystick and CRT monitor, you could don special goggles or an electrode-studded headset and enter a limitless world of polygons (neon gridlines optional). Turn your head, and your view would swing along, and sensor-filled gloves would you let you interact with this polygon-filled cyberspace. Taken to the ultimate extreme, this would somehow allow for a new breed of superheroic hackers.

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Instead, we ended up with widescreen HDTVs, complex wireless controllers and the ability to scream profanity at Halo players anywhere in the world. Still, 3001 AD is keeping the dream alive with its Trimersion HMD gaming interface. Intended to make first-person shooters more immersive, the headset/gun-controller-combo is compatible with the Xbox, Playstation 2, Gamecube and PCs. Even if every single current-generation gaming console is absent from that list, the idea seems cool enough: use the headset to look around and the gun to shoot things. Awesome... right?

Actually, the gun is a just an oddly-shaped controller, with buttons and a directional pad. So, technically speaking, you do use it to shoot. But to aim at your target, you have to use your head. That is, you literally wag your head around until the crosshairs line up with your target. This does not simulate being a real person with a real gun; it recreates the experience of being a unicorn with a rocket-launching horn. From a virtual reality perspective, the 20-year-old Nintendo Zapper light gun is more advanced.

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8. Microsoft Zune | $150 to $250

To take on the iPod, Apple's sleek little Goliath with record-breaking sales and a spot in the Museum of Modern Art's permanent collection, Microsoft last year unveiled the Zune: a larger, heavier, equally-expensive device. What did it have that the iPod didn't? The ability to temporarily share songs with others Zunes. Of course, this interesting feature was crippled by a three-play or three-day expiration (whichever came first). Microsoft also had the questionable logic of offering the brick-shaped device in brown. Quite simply, instead of killing the iPod, the Zune barely made a whimper when it was introduced.

Cut to this year. Apple has revamped their entire iPod line, shrinking their already-tiny Nanos and adding the iPhone's multitouch interface to a non-phone media player. So how does Microsoft respond? By matching the size and feature set of the previous year's iPods and not even attempting to compete on price (the updated Zunes cost pretty much exactly the same as the new iPods). It's almost as if Microsoft didn't anticipate Apple making a single update or change to their constantly evolving line of players.

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7. Husky 5-in-1 Drywall Tool | $15

The best multitools are a designer's sleight of hand, deftly cramming a drawer-full of tools into one pocket-size product. Husky's 5-in-1 Drywall Multi-Tool, however, has no such tricks up its beastly sleeve. It includes a utility knife, a drywall rasp, a prybar, a keyhole saw and a tube/seal punch, all of which are stacked together like an overstuffed sandwich.

Not a single millimeter of space is saved by combining these tools--the utility knife at the heart of this product isn't a handy, pop-out blade, but a full-size utility knife. Surrounding it is an array of injuries waiting to happen, since none of the four remaining tools are secured while opened or closed. The saw, seal punch and surprisingly sharp prybar are all hinged to the same bar, ready to swing out and wait in ambush for an unwitting hand rooting through the toolbox. But the real horror show is the drywall rasp, a rough, cheese-grater-like strip of metal that's fully exposed along the bottom of the product and actually serves as the finger-side portion of the grip. This means that whenever you're cutting, sawing, punching or prying, your fingers are clamped down against what amounts to a vicious washboard. So an awkward, boxy grip becomes dangerous for the ungloved. This isn't just a lack of ergonomics. It's a tool for masochists. Duct-taping your own tools together might not only work better but look a little classier, too.

In its defense ... it comes with its own pouch. Wait, it doesn't fit in the pouch very well, so scratch that, too.

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6. Violet Nabaztag | $165

Meet Nabaztag, perhaps the world's first toy that purports to be a Wi-Fi-enabled rabbit that beeps, moves its ears, reads your e-mails, says snarky stuff and responds to voice commands. Of course, when we say "rabbit," we mean a white plastic cone with plastic oblong ears that tend to fall off a lot. So if your idea of what a hare should look like comes from watching animals in the park, or even watching old Bugs Bunny cartoons, you will be sorely disappointed. Also, it often ignores your requests and kind of doesn't work.

Nabaztag is essentially France's answer to Japan's alchemical ability to turn cute into cash. It costs $165, and getting it to actually read our e-mails was more harrowing than setting up a wireless network (our old Teddy Ruckspin could have done a better job). We're honestly stumped why anybody would ever want a device like this to read their e-mail out loud. Most of our messages are along the lines of "Vi@Gra 4 Cheap!" and "Sounds good, see you at 7"--not exactly the kind of thing that needs to be spoken aloud by a frightening doll.

Still, this thing dances, although dancing seems to knock those ears off again. The best part: If you can somehow find a way to love this rabbit as it reads your spam aloud and interrupts your day with the occasional "Ex-cuse me!" then you can join the worldwide online community of Nabaztag owners, who bewilderingly spend their free time keeping track of each another's "rabbits" on Google Earth, watching videos of their antics on YouTube and, we're guessing, chatting about why this community is so very, very ... select.

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5. Black & Decker SPT100 Specialty Performance Hand Tool | $40

They can't all be home runs. This is especially true when a company like Black & Decker feels inclined to flood stores with new products every year. But despite its solid, well-designed and genuinely affordable offerings, Black & Decker occasionally squeaks out a clunker like the SPT100 Specialty Performance Hand Tool.

Apparently, we weren't the only ones confused about what to call this thing. On one end, it's a low-powered screwdriver, with two included bits (flathead and Philips). But the other side is a pair of pliers, and it also has some LED lights and a live wire detector. While this is all useful stuff for an electrician, no self-respecting one that we know would waste space in his toolbox with this bulky, toy-like contraption. And if you're inexperienced enough to think this odd jumble of functions is enough to let you dig into your home's wiring, perhaps you should consider hiring a contractor.

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This tool exists in a kind of twilight zone and can only be explained as the ultimate bait-and-switch: You buy it as a gift for someone who either is handy or seems like it, and while he or she surely accepts it graciously, the chances of them ever using it are virtually nil. Still, it's the thought that counts, right?

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4. Ugobe Pleo | $350

In all fairness, the Pleo isn't out yet. But from all of Pleo-related online chatter, magazine features and morning show appearances, you'd think it was the next Wii. This robotic baby dinosaur is, on paper, a technological marvel, with a slew of sensors (including foot-mounted ones that detect texture) and behavioral software. It's the kind of product some geeks can't resist following. But look closer. What, exactly, is the Pleo?

This $350 toy, which has been delayed for more than a year, is the follow-up to the Furby, everybody's favorite chirping mechanical fad. The Pleo will supposedly do many things, such as respond to your voice and face, which could make it a loveably creepy step up from Wowwee's successful robot toys. Unfortunately, for most of us, it isn't. Sure, the kids will be begging for it, but if you are past Bar Mitzvah age, Pleo will likely do more to frighten you than stimulate you.

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3. LG Chocolate VX8550 | Price Varies

It's easy to hate your cellphone. As months and years go by, that mixture of disappointment and luddite rage becomes a virtual guarantee (we're looking at you, iPhone owners). But I had barely opened up the box on my LG Chocolate before I started to detest it. The Chocolate debuted in July of 2006, with a then-revolutionary touch-sensitive interface. The keypad buttons were standard pushers, but the function buttons (send, menu, cancel) responded to finger taps. However, sometimes you had to tap a little harder, or twice. Sure, it stuttered through contact lists and twitched to the wrong menu option.

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The worst part, however, is what happened when I tried making calls. You see, the Chocolate liked faces as much as fingers, and it didn't know enough to shut off those touch-sensitive buttons during calls (something the iPhone got right). So I'd hear a beep for call waiting, look at the screen, and see that I was in the process of sending a garbled text message to an ex-girlfriend. My face, troublemaker that it was, would hang up on me, and even occasionally attempt to delete voice-mails. Before long, I lost the phone and all hope of smashing it in a blind rage. The Chocolate was by far the worst phone I have ever tested, and I'm including those little green ones designed for preteens.

The Chocolate may have come out last year, but it's on our 2007 list for a reason: LG won't let a bad phone die. This year's update, the VX8550, dials down the number of touch-sensitive buttons and adds some haptic feedback by vibrating when you tap it. It's an improvement, but in this era of the iPhone, touch-sensitivity has no margin for error. The new Chocolate is still unresponsive and clumsy, and its very existence seems like a stubborn refusal to admit defeat (and to justify last year's pre-release media blitz).

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2. Apple TV | $299

There is nothing wrong with Apple TV. Unfortunately, there's nothing overwhelmingly right about it, either. This is the rare black mark in an otherwise spotless multi-year streak from Cupertino--a product that was not only completely overshadowed by the company's own iPhone, but by the larger industry of video-download devices and services. This was the year that YouTube showed up on Oprah, TiVo went hi-def and a startup called Vudu debuted a novel peer-to-peer service with a surprisingly large selection of movies. The field has become very crowded, very fast, with Sony recently announcing video downloads for the PlayStation 3 to compete with the Xbox 360's equivalent service. Even Netflix, with its reliance on hordes of plastic media and snail mail, now streams entire movies.

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What makes Apple TV such a disappointing gadget is Apple's relatively tiny yearly output. One lackluster product stands out more prominently when its one of only a handful of products introduced. It's also a squandered opportunity, since so many users have already begun to associate the concept (and action) of downloading video with iTunes. The problem with Apple TV isn't the interface or the hardware, which are up to Apple's current high standards. The issue is competition. DVRs and Video On Demand have fought their way into American living rooms. The only way Apple could have trumped them was to offer a huge selection of movies and monthly, all-you-can-eat plans. They did neither, becoming an online version of your nearest FYE, with decent (but not surprising) prices, and a spotty selection of new releases and mysterious B movies. Owning music in any physical way may be a swiftly fading memory, but not so with movies. If you're going to pay $15 for Wild Hogs, you should at least own the DVD, so you can share the "laughs" with "friends."

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1. Palm Foleo | $599 (not available)

Sometimes, a product makes a Worst of the Year list for all the wrong reasons. Take the Foleo, Palm's perfectly reasonable attempt to revolutionize ultra-lightweight laptops. We tested this 2.4-pound computer, which ran for up to 5 hours per charge, and despite a relentless pre-release trash-talking from the tech world (mainly from bloggers who hadn't touched the thing) we liked it.

The 10.2-in. screen and meager flash-based storage were good enough for word processing and Web surfing. Without even realizing it, we started carrying it everywhere. Within days, the tiny machine was a fixture in our dorky lives, tucked under our arms, popping open at every meeting, and drawing as many chortles as breathless questions. Like it or pity it, the Foleo was generating a buzz.

But before a single Foleo hit the shelves, Palm killed it, claiming that they needed more time to develop the Foleo 2. The bloggers won, Palm lost, and our review unit became a bizarre unreleased prequel to a product that might never exist. It wasn't perfect, but the Foleo deserved better.