Kindergarten Communists invading our schools

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna go to the sea-shore in pants made out of French fries… and let seagulls peck me to death?

You know how we keep hearing where 80% of Americans think our country is going in the wrong direction? I got news for you – it’s worse than that. I heard something yesterday… I now believe I might have woke up on a different planet. There are Kindergarten Communists invading our schools.

There is a elementary school… somewhere… that is sending home permission slips parents can sign if they don’t want their kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag.

And I’m sorry – I don’t remember where this is going on – on account of when I first heard it… my brain got so white-hot… I might have busted a blood vessel and I didn’t hear nothing else – for a good 15-20 minutes…

This is a great step for America – ain’t it? Conscientious objectors… in kindy-garden?!?! Think about that. I mean – I understand there’s all sorts of reasons y’all might object to pledging your allegiance to the greatest country the good lord ever invented. Like… I don’t know… you hate America. Maybe you’re a freedom hating Communist. Maybe you’re a deranged, illegal terrorist. Or maybe you’re one of those brain-fart, self-righteous ACLU-types.

But here’s the thing – don’t go spreading your weirdo, hateful ways to your kids. You’re just singling them out for scorn and ridicule. Yeah – in a second grade class full of little patriots… we got one little Commie. That’s cute, huh? Yeah – out where we live – he’d gonna wish he was transgender. Because out our way – that would be more acceptable.

Wake up, America!! I think we can solve all this by sending you nitwits a second permission slip… our permission to leave this country. And as you leave – we’ll put our hands over our hearts and say…. ‘See’ya!!!’ I’m Earl Pitts, double-upset American. Pitts Off.