As I’m writing this, one of the Boston marathon suspects is still at large, and I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Mark Wahlberg collars him. But forget the perps for a second, let’s focus on the victims. Specifically the ones Bradley Cooper visited in the hospital. Cooper was in town shooting an untitled movie about… whatever’s going on here…when he took time out of his probably not actually that busy schedule to visit Jeff Bauman, above.

The Oscar-nominated star, 38, in town filming a movie, paid a visit to hospitalized Jeff Bauman Jr., who lost both legs below the knee in the blasts at the Boston Marathon. [People]

The picture was taken by NFL wide receiver Julian Edelman, who was also visiting the hospital. So if you’re keeping score at home, Bradley Cooper is an Oscar-nominated actor, he cheers people up at hospitals, he speaks decent French, and has eyes of a color that don’t exist in nature. He’s so good looking and famous that to get an Oscar nomination, all he has to do is put a little dirt on his face. Rich and handsome + dirt = Oscar. He’s so good looking that he literally had to wear a garbage bag to get an Oscar nomination. If you write a movie right now where Bradley Cooper plays an orphan who has to plow a field for some reason, your movie will win an Oscar.

“Do it, pussy. You wanna kiss me? Huh, you wanna take me home to mom?”

Yeah, that reminds me. Have they yet worked out how this could have happened in Marky Mark’s home town? I mean, we all know that Marky doesn’t stand for terrorism on his watch, so what went wrong? Was he in, like, Peru or something?

… Both legs? Fuck. I do not know how a guy can be smiling so soon after something like that.