HERE WE GO!

It's technically CD10, but I don't think that shit matters anymore because once you start stims, you are on CD1. I still use the Fertility Friend app, but it is not really perfect for IVF. You can put in the meds, but it is not good at saving other things in it.

I'm spotting, but just quit the birth control yesterday. A real period still be starting.

March 7: CD1feels like real period225 Follistim & 75 MenopurMenopur stings! If you haven't taken it before, just get ready for that. It is also different than the other shots because it is a powder and you'll have to mix it first with the sodium chloride that is provided. I went to Ferring Reproductive Health Injection Training Videos to look at how to do this correctly!

March 8: CD2Period bleeding225 Follistim & 75 Menopur

March 9: CD3Period bleeding225 Follistim & 75 Menopur

You can see 2 tiny marks on the left side of my belly button. I know that more daily shots will get me bruised. :-(

I use these at school to hold markers, glue sticks, scissors, and colored pencils for groups. I got them at Walmart and they just stack together and click. They were at Walmart during the Christmas storage time, but I know Michael's craft store has them. They are called SnapWare Snap N Stack.

March 10:CD4Mid-cycle ultrasound: things look good! Email from my nurse: "All follicles still small, <1cm...range 5-9 mm a total of 13 seen.Estrogen level was 165… so they are active and they will grow."Bloodwork (Estradiol)Follistim 275Menopur 75looks like bleeding is finally done!!!!!!! Hallejuah!!!

March 11:CD5Follistim 275Menopur 75Some spotting this morning, but it might be totally done!!!!!!!! Good Lawd!

March 14:CD8Ganirelix in A.M.Follistim 275Menopur 150Go to Maryland for mid-cycle check at 10:45Great checkup! Lining is 12.37...they like it to be over it. It was trilameter which was good too.Dr. Bromer was there during my check since he was in the building.Left side: 8 folliesRight side: 5 follies

My ultrasound results from March 14th--CD8

March 15:CD9Ganierelix in A.M.Follstim 275Menopur 225Another great checkup! Lining is at 13.61mmEstradiol is at 875Left side: 8 folliesRight side: 6 follies now!They like them to be around 18mm, so they are saying I should trigger tomorrow night and do the retrieval on Tuesday, March 18th!!!!

My ultrasound results from March 15th.

The trigger shot: Today we met with the nurse to go over the instructions for giving the Trigger shot. It is Pregnyl and like Menopur, it comes in a powdered form, so you have to mix it with 2cc of the water that is provided in the package. She marked on my lower back and upper butt area where my husband is to inject it. The freaking needle is longer than the other needles. It is a 22 gauge and the others were 30. She said if you draw blood when you put it in, you are to replace the needle and try the other side. My husband is very nervous and I am too! Ahhhh!

March 16:CD1014 follicles Left side: 9 folliesRight side: 7 folliesEstradiol was at 1209Lining was 13.37 mmTrigger at 8:00 p.m.!Update: The Pregnyl shot was not as bad as I thought. The video suggested your put your foot up to take the weight off the side of your back and that did help. I think my husband was way more nervous than I was. It pinched at first and then for a second after, but that needle is long, so I'm happy it wasn't worse!

Another OCD thing I do to check the growth of the follies using my iPhone. LOL

The nurse marked where my husband will be giving me the Pregnyl trigger shot. It is an intramuscular shot as opposed to sub-cutaneous.

March 17:CD11Nothing to do but take Zithromax pills at dinner time and nothing to eat or drink before midnight!

Surviving your IVF Egg Retrieval!

March 18:CD12Egg retrieval day!Show up at Shady Grove at 6:00 a.m. Retrieval will be at 8:00 a.m.

So after you come in, you have to show your license to make sure you both are who you are...wonder if people seriously try to let other people go in for them like on the SAT's? Hmmmm

Anyways, you will get undressed, etc and fill out the paperwork while you wait for the Doctor and Anesthesiologist to come in to talk to you.

I had on some crazy socks. It helps make this process more fun...lol...like you will feel the cramps, but the fun socks make it better? I don't know! It was right after St. Patrick's Day, so I thought what the hell! Might as well do it!

I was given anti-nausea meds because of my scar surgery last August made me sick! First of 7 surgeries to cause nausea, so they just gave me what they did for the hysteroscopy!

They were able to collect 14 eggs!!! Awesome!

Here are some tips that I heard from my BFF Vicki whose been through several cycles and what I learned!

1. Drink a lot of Gatorade or Powerade. I was very thirsty as the day went on and I was hungry too!2. Eat things with salt. Like beef jerky, chips, pretzels, nuts, etc. These will pull the fluid away from your ovaries.3. You will be crampy! Today was the retrieval and I'm taking the Vicodin! It feels like a bad period. 4. Stool Softener sooner than later. Passing gas is rough and so is peeing! There's so much pressure on the ovaries now that it's uncomfortable. Update: Take this stuff EVERYDAY or you will pay for it!!!!! Ahhhhhh!5. Heating pad will do wonders---they might give you a little heating pad thingy but it won't last long! We are driving 4 hours home after it and needless to say, it didn't last that long!

I will be starting Estrace tonight!

My funky socks!

Here's the sheet you sign in. Way better than just writing your name and then have the nurses/staff ask you a million times why you're here.

Not too bad of brushing luckily

Wednesday, March 19:CD13Estrace twice a day---well I woke up with a beet red face and it was super hot! I emailed my nurse but I was positive it was from the Estrace! Damn hot flashes like I'm 50! Crinone progesterone gel 3 times a dayHoping to get an update call today on how many eggs were fertilized with the ICSI!Okay so 8 eggs were mature and all 8 got fertilized! So glad we did ICSI!Very crampy today...took Vicodin!I decided to stop taking my Prozac. This was just a random choice. I figured since I quit drinking my hot tea every morning for the caffeine, I could stop the Prozac. So far so good with this!

Thursday, March 20:CD14Estrace twice a dayCrinone progesterone gel 3 times a dayDay 2 of embies growing!Update:3 embryos are at 5 cells4 embryos are at 4 cells1 embryo at 2 cells--a little behind, but still dividing!They like them to be 3-5 cells today.Everything looks great according to Dr. Bromer! We will be doing a Day 5 transfer on Sunday!!!!!!!!!We are going to transfer 1, but if Dr. Bromer thinks that the embryos are mediocre, we will do 2. I am all about listening to my RE!Super sore nipples! Major cramping!Nurse thinks the red face yesterday was from the progesterone? Who knows! Today my face was more pink, but normal, so that is great!Not to get gross, but keep taking your stool softener!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't take it today and I'm literally paying for it! Good LORD!!!!!!!!No Prozac today and doing just fine!

Friday, March 21:CD15Estrace twice a dayCrinone progesterone gel 3 times a dayThis crinone is making me so tired! I literally have been sleeping in my car once I get to work! Lmao! I've been so sleepy!Embryo update!Supposed to be been 6-10 cells on day 3.1 is 6 cells. 1 is at 10 cells.6 are at 8 cells. 2 out of those 6 are experiencing 10% fragmentation. Nurse said that 4 are looking great!If you are curious about embryo development, this was a site that I liked: Fertility Lab Insider

Saturday, March 22:CD16Estrace twice a dayCrinone progesterone gel 3 times a dayDay 4 of embies, so no update. :-( nurse said it is because they are at their most fragile state.

Supposed to drink 16-20 oz of water between 8:00-8:15. My RE needs a moderately full bladder for the ultrasound transfer. We had to be at the office at 8:45. My bladder wasn't hurting luckily cuz we ended up waiting until 9:10 to go back into the area. My husband had to put on shoe booties and I had to take my shoes off and put booties over my socks. I think I did mention that they say you are not supposed to wear heavy cologne or perfume? I just didn't even put any one. I was very conscious of this and made sure to use body wash that was unscented.

So....................around 9:30, my RE and a nurse came in. By now, my bladder was full and hurting! The nurse had to use an ultrasound belly scanner and it was like ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! My RE said we had:1 fully expanded blastocyst2 early blastocystsand several others that were getting close to being blasts!!!

We decided to just transfer the 1 fully expanded for that was our plan plus it was recommended by our RE.

He said that they will let the other embryos go another day or two and then call us on Tuesday to update on how may they were able to freeze! Nice!!

So what happens next is just like an IUI. You lay back and then you can see on the screen the RE inserting the catheter. The embryologist was in there to say "Transferring 1 now" LOL like it was very professional. I saw the catheter go in there and then boom! Like a rocket, that embryo shot out! My husband missed it and was like "What did I miss?" I was like "You didn't see it fly in there?".

I had to lay down for 5 minutes and they gave me this cute card with a photo of our blast! So cute!!! On the screen, they had a video playing of the transfer. I had my husband record it LOL! Kinda stupid, yeah, but I figured it's replaying, might as well!

After 4 years of this infertility crap, I cannot believe that I have an embryo in me! I cried in the parking lot!

I am to take 2-3 days of light activity and believe me, I am milking it for all it's worth! There's a shit ton of laundry to be done today and I don't care! My husband said don't do it! LMAO!

Beta will be on April 4th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so scared! I will be getting it done at a hospital near work, so it is done STAT and I'm so paranoid to get bad news while at work! But I will be beyond happy if it's positive!

March 25th2dptSame thing as before but not as hungry...got a headache later in the day

Shady Grove also called and said we had 3 embryos to freeze! Awesome! They will be sending me a paper in the mail about them and grading too.

March 26th3dptFeeling mild cramps...nothing significant.

March 27th4dptSkin is really broken out! Ughhhh...Feeling blah today and non symptomatic. I am just preparing for my period today.I always break out 4 days before my period.

March 28th5dptFeeling better today. Nothing symptomatic besides the sore boobs.I was having some difficulty getting the Crinone applicator in while sitting. I was also feeling some soreness and my nurse said I was could try getting the tip wet and changing positions. This made it a lot better. I went to laying in bed and the applicator went in much more easily. I also was taking the Crinone 3 times a day and my nurse said it was directed as only 2. I was prescribed Endometrin, but since it wasn't covered and Crinone was, I got confused from the discharge instructions that mentioned Endometrin 3 times a day. That also was probably contributing to my sore va jay jay!

March 29th6dptCrazy dreams today! Well I've had crazy dreams every night but today I took a nap and had a intense and vivid dream about neighbors house catching on fire and my husband dying to save people from a barn! Good lawd! Testing: I've had several people ask if I'm going to test at 9dpt. I just can't....I know I've seen almost 50 BFNs and I cannot see another. I'm glad I don't have any more Wondfro or Dollar Tree ones, because those have been long gone.

March 30th7dptSo another day comes and ughhhh getting closer to that beta or AF! Still sore boobs and crazy dreams. I had to wake up like 3-4 times to pee. Headache again but it was really sunny today, so who knows? Damn meds!

March 31st8dptSo another day and I'm still going crazy here. I found these 2 HUGE blue veins on my chest going down from my chest to my nipples. I mean I looked last night and was like what the hell! Of course I did what I said I wouldn't do and I looked it up and pronounced veins on countdown to pregnancy. Is it the meds?

April 1st9dptGoing to the Pittsburgh pens game tonight with my best friends! We got free tickets as a prize at a charity event. It will be my first game! Very light headed today around 4:00 it started. Just didn't feel right at all. Like kinda dizzy?

April 2nd10dptVery light headed all day today. It was just weird feeling all day. Like even if I ate, I still felt strange.

April 3rd11dptVery light headed again today. I've been drinking more water to help combat it. My BFF Vicki suggested adding some fruit to the water to make if taste better. I didn't mention I gave up on crystal light: it was causing my voice to be raspy I think. I love lemonade, so it could be the fake sugar aspartame or the citrus flavor. I dunno. Anyways, I'm laying in bed and going to get up at 5:45 to go to the hospital lab around 7:30. My heart is beating. I'm getting so tired of examining the damn toilet paper every time I go! No period yet luckily. Last time I was prego on an unassisted cycle, I found out on 15dpo. Today will be 16dpER.

April 4th12dptD-DAY!!!! Holy shit! Am I gonna be pissed all weekend or happy?Okaayyyyyyyyyy.....my beta was 329!!!!! I was shocked! Like HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Epiphany time! LOL

Well, I had an epiphany. LOL Yes I did!

I'm a very honest person and will talk about anything to others.

This infertility and miscarriage stuff is just not talked about enough.

People know what to say to someone who is undergoing cancer treatments like "You can beat this!"

But what do people say to us? Nothing. Or worse: insensitive things.

I will be the voice for the voiceless. I have no problem speaking up for us. We have been left out of the societal norms too long.

I shared my story in an online forum on Shady Grove's website. If you'd like to share yours, click here.

My story! Click here to check it out on their website! Shady Grove published my story in their weekly newsletter. This showed up on Sunday, March 16th! How cool!

Don't be ashamed of what you are going through! This is a lonely and scary road to be on with twists and turns that no one can predict. The more the 'outside world' figures out how we are, the better they can deal with us.

National Infertility Awareness Week

I recently was emailed by Shady Grove's PR rep concerning my newsletter story. Mary said we got a great response from it! She had emailed me about answering a question for a blog. My response would be featured in a blog for the week of April 20th-April 26th!

I picked this question: National Infertility Awareness Week is a chance to spread knowledge, get involved or support others going through fertility journey. What is an important message that you can share with people during National Infertility Awareness Week? (Goes with this year’s RESOLVE theme)?

If you want to get involved, support, or spread knowledge, then you need to get informed. I'm talking about finding out the facts and emotions that go with one's fertility journey. We are living with infertility: we are your friends, neighbors, cousins, or co-workers. We are everywhere: except we are not all living out in the open. This journey we are on is full of shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and fear. We experience these feelings daily on our own or through interactions with others. When you get informed, you are learning about this devastating disease that affects 1 in 8 couples. You are understanding that sometimes there is nothing to say besides, "I'm here for you." You see when others go through illnesses, we most often say "You can beat this" or "Get well soon". With infertility, there is often no hope to "beat" this. The couple has been through so many ups and downs, that you cannot even imagine it unless you too have experienced it. Being infertile is considered by some to be a blessing: you do not need to 'worry' about kids and have more freedom to 'live your life'. To what would you say to a couple that has lost 5 babies? Are they able to 'live their life'? Understanding what these men and women experience should only increase your level of empathy. Help us and others beat the financial barriers to having a child: contact your politicians to support acts for getting insurance coverage for infertility. Your friend, neighbor, cousin, or co-worker is afraid to bring out what they are going through for it is taboo subject and once out of the 'fertility closet', you are subjected to possible insensitive comments/questions. Rather than risk humiliation or judgement, for some it is easier to just stay behind the curtains. I won't do that. I won't stand back and let others jump to conclusions as to why you don't have any kids yet or why you don't come to your nephew's birthday parties. The societal norm of men and women following a traditional path of love, marriage, baby, and baby carriage is not for everyone: either by choice or not by choice. Heartache and sorrow command far more attention and to support someone going through infertility is to make their day a little bit brighter. By just being there for someone and letting them get thoughts off their chest, you are doing a huge service for them in general: letting them understand that it is okay and you will help them get through this. We are living with infertility and are not defined by it. We are loving women, smart businessmen, doting pet mommies and daddies, and amazing people in general. The more you get to know "us", the more you empathy you gain and lessen the chance of passing judgment on others. Be kind...the world needs a lot more kindness.

Tips and Tricks

1. Don't work out! LOL

I was doing T25's routine yesterday and when I spoke to a friend who underwent IVF and had a DEVASTATING 39 week and 4 days cord strangulation loss, she said she was told not to do anything but walk at like 3.5 mph.

So I am enjoying not having to work out lol.

2. Get ready to pee at all hours of the night.

Yeah, so when I was pregnant this happened and now that I'm paying $22,000 to get pregnant, this is happening again. Another cruel joke spent on us infertiles.

4. Use an app like RxMind Me to beep when it's time for your meds.Yeah, I know you're going to remember each time, but I tell you what: I've been watching tv and then my app beeps, I like "Shit, it's 9:00 already?" This keeps me from forgetting!