Tell them you love them and your here if you need them. No flowers, they can be depressing. Food if you want to give them something or food gift card maybe? Honestly they are likely so lost in grief with 100 feelings going there isn't a lot to do unless they want to talk.

Does she have other children? Offer to help or clean, bring food. So sorry for her loss. I think most importantly remember that after the dust has settled the pain is still real and that she needs a friend and a shoulder weeks months and years from now.

"It is probably for the best, there was probably something really wrong.

"God just needed another angel."

"At least you have other children."

Truly, just make it known that you are available in whatever way, she needs. It may mean meals, prayer, or just needing time and space. Everyone is so different. Remember her baby, say their name, let them know you are thinking of their little on milestones. Love her wherever she is.

I emailed my friends soon after and told them what happened and that I wasn't ready to talk about it but likely would be one day. People gave me space but I noticed that I really appreciated getting a brief text- emoji hearts or simply "thinking of you". I felt like someone was out there wishing me well and that they had paused to think of me and baby- that life was moving forward but the pain wasn't forgotten. That was really appreciated. We also had a friend bring a bag full of nice treats and leave it on the doorstep and then text- I really liked how he thought of us and wanted to do something special but didn't put any pressure on us to visit or coordinate. Also- this might sound silly but there wasn't any alcohol in the bag. I drink wine but didn't have any interest in drinking following the loss and I appreciated that he didn't assume I'd want to right away. Everyone is different. Follow her lead but let her know you are there.

After losing my baby girl I knew all my friends were there for me. I didn't respond to texts or calls for weeks though. Just understand that she might not have the strength to talk about it yet. Bring food to her house because the idea of cooking and eating will probably be the last thing on her mind. Say the baby's name when you talk to her and remind her the baby is always a part of her heart, soul, and family and will never be forgotten. Just make sure she knows you are there when she is ready to talk.

What a great friend you are! Losing a child at any age is difficult. I lost a daughter at age 5. Some of my friends provided meals, but I also think sending a gift card for a "take out" meal is appropriate.

I agree with others that your friend will need some space. The hardest thing for me to overcome was the fact that life went on for everyone else...but it changed dramatically for me. Just be ready to listen when she calls. There were many people praying for our family, and we could feel the prayers!

I gave birth to my baby girl at 21 weeks. she survived an hour and died afterwards. It was the most horrific and traumatic experience of my life, much so to the point where I had a nervous breakdown and left the military.

Please just offer an ear for your friend. She will need someone to LISTEN to her. I didn't want to hear anyone tell me:

It will be ok, God doesn't make mistakes

She's in a better place right now

At least it happened now instead of when she was an actual baby

It's just a fluke, these things happen.

At least you can have more children.

It took me SIX years to conceive again. The best place for my angel baby is in my arms, I didn't care if God made mistakes or not, I just wanted my baby, my baby WAS an actual baby, she was BORN, she has a birth certificate!! Those were all horrible things to say to me.

Please just provide support for your friend, but at a distance at first because the combination of grief and post-natal depression is going to eat her alive. Let her come to you if she needs anything, but offer to help. Help her in any way you can when she feels up to it with maybe running errands, helping with other children, maybe make a memory box with some nice things inside to help commemorate her baby, etc.

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