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I put a nifty little gadget on my sidebar that shows what some of the more popular posts on my blog are, and to my surprise the most popular blogs seem to be the old Forbidden Wednesday posts! These posts are all about sex and, quite frankly, I can’t remember why I stopped writing them. I have stopped reviewing sex toys for companies, which may be why I stopped writing the blog posts, but the posts didn’t start with reviewing items, so why not start it back up again? I’ll get back to writing on Wednesdays, but today I’ve been…inspired, and I want to write about something that a lot of people in my neck of the woods don’t talk about.

BDSM.

BDSM – bondage, domination, sadomasochism – that’s what those four little letters stand for. Where I live say the phrase BDSM and you’ll quickly find yourself the recipient of a lot of nervous laughter, and then the topic will immediately be changed to something else – like when the sap is going to start running. I was raised in a very conservative household. I don’t mean that sex was forbidden or that it was something that was considered “bad”, but it definitely wasn’t talked about. So for a very long time I actually felt guilty acting on any of the little fantasies that popped up in my head. Since then I’ve done a lot of research about all sorts of different things about sex, and one thing that has especially intrigued me, likely because of it’s “sinfulness”, is BDSM.

Lesson number one that I’ve learned about BDSM: it’s not all the same. When people who aren’t acquainted with BDSM hear the word they immediately think of a woman being bound up against the wall and whipped until she has welts popping up on her backside. While this is something that might happen, it doesn’t necessarily have to. To one couple BDSM could simply be the woman being tied up and tortured with a man’s tongue and hands. Or it could be a man kneeling for his woman and doing whatever she asks. That’s one of the things that’s beautiful about BDSM, it’s completely subjective. There are no rules that you have to follow.

Lesson #2: All people who are into BDSM aren’t “freaks” or even easily picked out. If you’ve ever seen pictures from San Francisco’s Folsom Fair, you may think that all people who are into BDSM walk around wearing leather masks and pulling along their submissive on a leash. The truth is that someone that you work with is likely involved in some form of BDSM. It’s much more prevalent than most people think, and there’s no real “face” of BDSM because it’s something that intrigues and interests so many different type of people.

Lesson #3: BDSM people actually tend to be much more accepting than those who are not involved in BDSM. Tell someone who’s into the lifestyle that you’re interested in receiving a golden shower and they won’t blink an eye, nor will they judge you. (For your information I’m not one of those who is interested in golden showers – but I do know people who are – no, not Scott LOL). In many BDSM communities it doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20, you’re liked for who you are and for what your interests are. It’s one of the most welcoming communities that I’ve ever found online, and that’s saying something as I tend to get around the net pretty well.

Did you know that one of the most shared fantasies that women have is the rape fantasy? Not that they actually want to be violated, but they want to feel as though they’re being violated. They want a man (or woman) to subdue them somehow and to take what they want from their body. This could be considered a form of BDSM and as long as everything’s consensual, what’s wrong with that?

The lesson learned: there’s NOTHING wrong with someone who is interested in BDSM, no matter whether you have a serious toe fetish or you just like to tie someone up in rope. It doesn’t matter if you’re a dom or a sub, or even if you’re into pet play. As long as you’re having fun with what you’re doing, and everything is consensual, and you take all the safety precautions that you can (which includes having a safe word! Never forget the safe word!) you should never be ashamed to be interested in BDSM.

If you want to learn more about BDSM, and to talk to others who are involved in the lifestyle, one great resource is Fetlife. It’s basically Facebook for kinky people!

The Woman Behind the Curtain

I'm 32 years old and still reconciling myself to that fact. I have a husband named Scott who is six years older than me (and I rag on him about that constantly) and 2 children. Toad is our 11 year old son who loves the Wii and hates doing chores. Babygirl is our 7 year old daughter who thinks she's a princess and is a bit...dramatic. I'm a full-time freelance writer and own my own photography business. And I love the fact that I can work in my pajamas. This is my world. Run away...quickly.