Monday, January 23, 2012

Accidentally in love.

Assalamualaikum
w.b.t.

When I
was Form 5, I conducted a performance for Teachers Day. I chose the
song; accidentally in love.

Somehow,
I just remembered it.

I was
thinking to myself just now. I asked myself, “In Islam, is love
probihited or not?” What I meant with love was the feelings between
normal teenagers nowadays. Among brothers and sisters. I know for a
fact, in Islamic point of view, love is after nikah. Love is after
marriage. However, if you are about to marry someone, you most
probably will marry the one whom you like.

Again,
I know, there were cases where people doesn't know each other and yet
still happily married. But, it doesn't apply to most of a million of
other cases. The probability of marrying someone whom we already like
is higher than to marry with an unknown someone.

So is
it wrong to be in love before marriage?

For
me, I don't think it is wrong but it truly depends on how you handle
the feeling you called love. I prefer to use the word; accidentally
in love. Because, well, let's face it. Most of us doesn't even plan
to fall in love, do we? We accidentally fell into one, or many. We
don't pick the one we want to fall in love with. It happened suddenly
and out of the ordinary.

Basically,
we have to (as a teenager and a Muslim) know what is the best and
correct way to channel our feelings.

I'm
telling you to get married.

Okay,
kidding (or wasn't I?)

First
of all, of course, you have to distinguish your feelings whether it
is true love or just nafs. Is it you like that particular someone or
it is just that you want to own that someone? That might came out a
little harsh, but haven't you heard of the word “boring”? Most of
the time, if we only have the feeling of want to own something, we
usually get bored after we own it for a certain amount of time. On
the other hand, if we like something, the chance of being bored out
to death is much more less and unlikely will happen.

So,
take a deep breath now and ask yourself.

“Do
I really like that person?”

If
your answer is yes, let us move on.

The
next step will be, ask your own age. If you think you are in the age
when people usually get married, then you have another green light.
Don't tell me you are 17 or younger and yet you want to get married
as soon as possible. It wasn't that I don't want to be married when I
was 17 but I hold my feelings and waited until I was 18 to have a
clear mind which says, 'Okay, I should probably get married by now.'

I am
19 now, by the way.

For a
sister, 18 and above is okay for me personally.

While
for brothers, I couldn't actually say anything. I don't think there
will be a certain age but for me personally again, 20 might be a good
mark.

Stop
right there, don't be flustered, I am just talking about age.

Then,
you will have to do the most amazing thing in your life yet. You have
to tell the parents. Yes, both of your parents and his/her parents.
That is 2 set of parents for you. Tell one and let them settle to
another one. Because if you have a green light from yours, they might
be the one who will do the talk to your spouse's parents.

This
part is the hardest. I remembered myself telling my father that I
wanted to get married and he said, “Find a guy who memorize Yasin.”

So it
wasn't hard for me, telling my parents. But I do believe it would be
a lot harder at the brothers side. I can imagine the question aroused
of what you should feed you wife and children if both of you are
still studying etc etc. Well, that you have to prepare the answer.

Some
sister like me, doesn't care if we will go through nikah khitbah. Or
even normal nikah without any nafkah zahir as long as we are
studying. The parents will still give money for respective children
and whenever the husband starts to work, he will handle all the
responsibilities. I do propose you to make your own “Nikah
paperwork” if you want to get married early. You have to have a
Masterplan, Action Plan, Back Up Plan, Estimated Budget and
Expenditure etc. Then, send you paperwork to your parents for
approval. Give them at least 3 weeks to evaluate. Sometimes you even
get the answer early. Whether approved or rejected.

If it
is accepted, then move on.

Istikharah.

I know
some people might ask, “Shouldn't istikharah be at the first
place?” I reply with this: “If you performed your istikharah and
the answer is yes, but then you proposal is rejected by your parents,
then...?” Sometimes, we perform istikharah prayer to know whether
he/she is the right one but we didn't do other prayers on whether it
is the right time or not. If you do istikharah after you have all the
green lights, the answer you might get probably will help you a lot
better. Let just say, Allah knows best. He gave us our own mind to
think. Don't let you nafs overcome your 'aql.

When
finally you have all the answer and it had proven that you are in the
right path, then don't forget to invite me to your walimatul urus.

Sometimes,
whatever we planned will not work out. We planned, Allah also had
planned, and He is the best planner.

Writing
this, I remembered when I received my first proposal. It was more
than 6 years ago and I received three in a day. I was called Goggle
at that time and I pay more attention when people called me by my
name, Mira. So he asked,

“Will
you marry me?” and I said no.

Another
asked the same later that day and I said no.

Another
asked on the night and I said, “you are the third one to ask
today.”

And he
asked me, “Is it [he mentioned the name of the first guy] that
proposed?” I said yes. The change of his look was obvious.

“Accept
him, will you? Not me, not [he mentioned the second guy]” he
continued. He left without a smile.

The
three of them were 5 years older than me and were about to finish
school.

It
might be the reason why I don't care people talking about marriage. I
had been exposed to it long ago. And yet, I am still finding my own
way to find the right one. The one Allah chose for me. Is he here in
this world?

InsyaAllah,
on my way to be a good daughter, student, muslimah, chaliph and
servant of Allah, and future-wife-and-mother-to-be. I just need to
find a proposal which I will reply with a yes.

Tazkirah itu peringatan.

Hamba Allah fisabilillah,

Bismillah.
The name given was Amirah Hazwani. Early educated by parents and grandparents. Move on to certain level in her life with different names along the way. Kira, Gogal, Umairah, Hawani and so on. Currently studying Medicine at Al-Azhar University, Cairo. Which of course, aroused a new name: Umayr. A full time Muslim.