I'm yelling at Darren- what do I do? what is happening? she is choking! I'm calling 911!

I sense Darren is concerned but he is calm.He is quiet.

He tells me not to call because she begins to throw up.

I put my hand way back in her throat and I can’t feel anything.

My hands are shaking.

I try to remember all that I learned about CPR.

I have had CPR training for four years through work.

What the heck is wrong with me.

I start to cry.Connor starts to scream.Darren is now dealing with 1. choking baby2. frantic mother3. worried sonHe tells us all that Carlee is fine.She isn't FINE! Darren remains calm and continues to pound her back.

She throws up more and more...

and finally she throws this up-

Carlee starts to cry. Her face is white.

She can breathe.

I sit in the floor and cry.

Connor starts to laugh because she is ok and he is relieved.

He tells me to stop crying.

I get up and yell at the whole family that we have to be diligent about cleaning up!!!

and that could have been plastic sucked over her esophagus!!!

and that I need to throw everything away!!!

and that this house is too small!!!

Connor says it isn't his fault.

We both confirm that it isn't his fault.We know he was very worried.

I start to mop up the mess on the floor vigorously.

I clean when I'm upset.

Darren tells me to calm down,

and to sit down,

and that every kid can get into things.

If he had not been home, I don’t know what would have happened, but one thing is clear....

mom FREAKS OUT under pressure.and Dad is the hero.

10 minutes later...
unknowingly she just took 5 years off my life...
but I still gave her some of her favorite juice.