Rafa Benitez has said that Chelsea will spend 100M on new players this summer. Probably because they are in desperate need for quality and depth. Desperate, desperate need. Mata, Hazard, Oscar, Ramires...far too wooden.

Having just won the Europa League by being rewarded with entry to said competition for their failure and subsequent knock-out from the Champions League, they can truly be proud of their certified blueprint of success. Spend money you don't have, take the club to the brink of bankruptcy and foreclosure, wait for Oligarch to fly by in helicopter. Can't argue with the results or the genius of appointing interim managers to oversee plucky cups wins. Watch and learn Levy. It isn't about profit if you're looking to beef up THFC to make us a viable option for someone to buy. You've got it all wrong. It's not about being in the black it's about being in the red. See, that colour can be good after-all.

Parting word on Chelsea - here's a club that stopped us from entering the Champions League only to then be well jel and tings, drop into the Europa, play half as many games and win that instead. Fly those Mourinho banners with pride, you crazy diamonds.

Elsewhere, one of the kids from One Direction came to the aid of a hassled waitress at some West End meat market bar where three Tottenham players and Jake Livermore we're enjoying drinks (with a spending limit of £5000) in preparation for the Sunderland home game this Sunday. Apparently the pop star squared up to Aaron Lennon. By bending his knees?

Season ticket renewals this month so the conspiracy theorists amongst us have dismissed the plentiful rumours of David Villa to Spurs as nothing more than seasonal propaganda. Maybe renewals shouldn't take place so early in the summer. Perhaps we can all wait until the final 15 minutes of deadline transfer day instead to wire our £750 to a couple of thousand pounds across to Tottenham. Or perhaps we can be facilitated with a 15% discount if we once more fail to sign a bona fide superstar striker.

And finally...

tehTrunk is back with a new episode. Check it out here. It's proper LOL.