I am a 35 year old female. Never married most likely will never have kids (other than my dogs). Is it to late for me to become a republican? Or should I just remain a horrible warning for the young ones at family gatherings?

1) We need golden statues of Reagan. I won't vote for you unless this is a major plank in your platform.

2) Are there any books I should read after I graduate high school and am no longer forced by an "English" teacher to read things written in Latin (like Romeo and Juliet)?

3) If I like eating with chopsticks, does that mean I have a subconscious desire for communism? Also: is this sensation some sort of side effect from the spring rolls I eat at my local American-Chinese fast food place? MSG as an opiate for the masses is upon us, isn't it?

_________________"Mine broad, crisp steak fry will smite thine meager potatoes like an axe splitting a log. For ketchup and empire!" --nickvicious"I'm sick to death of the world not ending." --Pi_Face

2) Are there any books I should read after I graduate high school and am no longer forced by an "English" teacher to read things written in Latin (like Romeo and Juliet)?

Though I am not Mumbles, I'm pretty confident I have the answer to this, and it's a resounding YES. There are many great writers out there, both dead and alive. Ayn Rand, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Rielly all spring to mind. Fox News should do a fantastic job of telling you who to read.

1) We need golden statues of Reagan. I won't vote for you unless this is a major plank in your platform.

We should also carve Reagan's head into Mount Rushmore, replace the Statue of Liberty with a towering statue of Reagan, and preserve what's left of his body for public viewing in the Reagan Mausoleum (we can build that on top of the Democrat Party headquarters--it's not like they're going to need it anymore). Mitt Romney should accomplish all this on day one of his presidency, or he's a failure.

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2) Are there any books I should read after I graduate high school and am no longer forced by an "English" teacher to read things written in Latin (like Romeo and Juliet)?

Bekki has the right idea. Avoid fiction--most of that stuff is liberal propaganda, or worse, European. Except Ayn Rand--her stuff is barely fiction. It's telling that liberals have to invent things to get their unworkable ideas across, while the good guys deal in non-fiction: reality may have a liberal bias, but history belongs to conservatives.

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3) If I like eating with chopsticks, does that mean I have a subconscious desire for communism? Also: is this sensation some sort of side effect from the spring rolls I eat at my local American-Chinese fast food place? MSG as an opiate for the masses is upon us, isn't it?

I eat everything with the only American utensil, the spork. But if you can't get one when you're out at a gay orgy or whatever it is you people do, you should use disposable plastic cutlery. Even when eating pizza. Donald Trump has the right idea--we aren't savages, like Muslims or Italians.

I'm in the military and I pay taxes. Do I have to be a republican too?

Wait, how did you get into the military without being a Republican? The liberal infiltration of America has made more progress than I thought.

But she is also PAID by taxes. So how does that work?

What if she gets an abortion or purchases birth control with her paychecks? Isn't that tax-payer funded baby killing?

_________________"The Tree is His Penis"

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear

Though I am not Mumbles, I'm pretty confident I have the answer to this, and it's a resounding YES. There are many great writers out there, both dead and alive. Ayn Rand, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Rielly all spring to mind. Fox News should do a fantastic job of telling you who to read.

Dead and alive? It's good to know zombies are represented amongst Republicans. I was worried for a while.

Though I am not Mumbles, I'm pretty confident I have the answer to this, and it's a resounding YES. There are many great writers out there, both dead and alive. Ayn Rand, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Rielly all spring to mind. Fox News should do a fantastic job of telling you who to read.

Dead and alive? It's good to know zombies are represented amongst Republicans. I was worried for a while.

i knew coulter was a vampire.

_________________"rise from the ashes of douchebaggery like a fancy vegan phoenix" - amandabear"I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is: fork pants." - cq

i can't take your word for it; of course you're going to defend her. so now i have to lug around all these crosses and garlic bulbs and rhyming layabouts of the old forest while i'm scouring her home for jeweled goblets.

_________________"rise from the ashes of douchebaggery like a fancy vegan phoenix" - amandabear"I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is: fork pants." - cq