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Man Buys Crypto T-Shirt; Friends Afraid to Tell Him He looks Like an Asshole

One of the more fascinating developments attached to the cryptocurrency subculture is the rising popularity of so-called “crypto-wear” — t-shirts, hoodies and other clothing items imprinted with popular crypto lingo and coin names.

Local man Tyler McNaughton, a crypto-wear enthusiast, was thrilled when he received a box full of crypto-themed T-shirts in the mail.

“I bought about a dozen,” he said. “I have one that says ‘Eat, Sleep, Crypto, Repeat,’ and another that says “Hodl Gang’ — I feel this is a great way to show that I’m in touch with the community.”

His friends and family, however, had a different reaction.

“I’m legit embarrassed to be seen with him now,” said McNaughton’s girlfriend, Gretchen Castro. “I mean, I’m no fashionista, but I’ll be damned if I go out in public with a guy wearing a “Keep Calm and Hodl” t-shirt on. No way.”

McNaughton’s best friend, Raphael Silva, echoed that sentiment.

“I try and walk at least three paces behind him now in public,” he said. “The other day I was talking to this stunning Jamaican woman at the bar, and Tyler walked up in his ‘I’ve Got 99 Problems but Bitcoin Ain’t One’ T-shirt. I managed to divert him away from her and act like he was a tourist looking for directions, but it was a narrow escape.”

Silva said he has no problem with owning Bitcoin, but that he draws the line at wearing crypto-wear.

“This shit makes a Members Only jacket look like Chanel,” he said. “It reminds me of those assholes who used to wear Coca-Cola rugby shirts in the 90s. Wearing a crypto T-shirt is basically like wearing a Von Dutch hat with an Ed Hardy tuxedo — it’s an aesthetic atrocity of the highest order.”

McNaughton does have one fan of his new look — his 54-year-old father, Elmer.

“I think crypto-gear is pretty neat,” McNaughton Sr. said. “I put Tyler’s Got ‘Crypto?’ T-shirt on the other day when I was grilling some franks in the backyard. It was comfortable and it paired well with my pleated slacks and penny loafers.”

Silva said he could only see one upside in his friend’s fashion transformation.

“In five years crypto-wear will makes an ironic comeback,” he said. “Brooklyn hipsters and Kanye West will be wearing the shit out of it.”