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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Lord Bonkers' Diary: David Grace vs the drones

Another day with Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer. These days, of course, David Grace looks more like a Rear Admiral than a Wing Commander.

Tuesday

I sometimes think if that it were not for sales of my own works – I run a scheme whereby estate workers can have the cost of them deducted from their wage packets – the bookshop in the village would have closed long ago. For these days the skies over it are black with squadrons of drones delivering books from a warehouse near Bletchley direct to their purchasers.

Last night we held a meeting in the village hall and passed a resolution that Something Must Be Done nem con. I know just the man to turn to: someone who saw off squadrons of social democrats in some of the most fiercely contested by-elections of the Alliance years will not be afraid of these flimsy craft without pilots.

So here I am at the aerodrome talking to Wing Commander David “Gracie” Graceworth as he sits at the control of his Bonkers Liberator – a fighter designed by the great Barnes Common himself. I helpfully remark that the best way of dealing with doodlebugs was to flip them over with the tip of your wing, but Gracie replies that he will “give the blighters a squirt and prang them in the custard”. I take this to mean he intends to shoot them down over Rutland Water, but it can be hard to tell with these RAF wallahs.