It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to peruse the wires and Internet and find something that made me start typing when I first read it. But there is a legitimate reason why a dead raccoon wasn’t removed before a Pennsylvania road crew painted a yellow double line over it.

PennDOT spokesman John Ambrosini told the Tribune-Democrat newspaper of Johnston, Penn., that paint crews usually have a foreman on the job who clears away any dead animals before the paint-spraying truck equipment passes by. This crew didn’t have a foreman and the equipment was too big to turn around in traffic, remove the animal and repair the paint. Thus, the “the squirrelly geometry” of the narrow road didn’t help.

But the crew did try to stop the paint gun. And they did remove the deceased and clean up the area.

The motorcyclist who snapped a photo of the mistake and submitted it to the paper said he was laughing so hard, he almost crashed. Wonder if he would have moved out of the way in time before they painted him and his bike, too?

• Here’s a word of advice. It’s been the hottest summer on record, we know that already. But when you’re out of beer and need a ride to get some, don’t call 911.

The Columbia Daily Herald in Tennessee reported city police arrested Allen Troy Brooks, 67, after he allegedly called emergency dispatchers at least nine times last weekend. Most of the calls were hang-ups, but a dispatcher said at least once, the caller asked if someone could send him a ride so he could buy beer.

Police Officer Seneca Shield said he told Brooks if he cooperated, he would just receive a citation. But authorities said Brooks denied making calls and claimed he didn’t have a telephone. Brooks was arrested and charged with making 911 calls in a non-emergency situation. He was released on bond.

A phone number listed for Brooks was out of service on Monday. Too late, obviously, but nobody asked me

• A Washington musician ordered a flat-screen TV from Amazon.com, but was shocked when he got a semiautomatic assault rifle instead.

Seth Horvitz, 38, said he purchased the 39-inch television from a third-party seller. A box arrived from UPS on Tuesday evening, and it seemed too small to contain the TV. He said he initially thought it contained accessories.

When he opened it, he found a Sig Sauer military-style rifle. He said he had never held a gun before he felt the trigger of the rifle.

An invoice showed the gun was intended for delivery to a firearms dealer in Duncansville, Pa. Horvitz called police, who took the gun and are investigating how the mistaken shipment occurred. Amazon and UPS had no immediate comment.

• It happens: You burn something accidentally in the kitchen, the smoke alarm starts screeching and you hurry until you get to hit a button or pull out the battery to shut it off. (Don’t forget to put the battery back in, like I do.)

But a fire alarm at a Pittsburgh-area public housing complex was finally shut off — after more than 15 hours.

Residents of Glenshaw Gardens in Wilkinsburg said the alarm’s strobe lights began flashing and a high-pitched screech began sounding Aug. 5 when a resident burned some popcorn. Allegheny County Housing Authority officials said the alarm was turned off Monday morning.

Building president Bud Joyce said the delay occurred because the housing authority began managing the building in May and didn’t have a key to the room where the alarm’s control panel is located because the room also contains access to a bank’s automatic teller machine.

Accessing the room in a way that would safeguard the ATM caused the delay. He apologized to residents and said, “It won’t happen again.”

All that noise, and only burned popcorn to show for it. Good enough reason for me to head to the movie theater.