Wednesday, 25 March 2009

8.30 Saturday, people. Mark it in your diaries. Have a romantic candlelit dinner, a slumber party, a picnic; play murder in the dark, hide and seek, spotlight. Me? I'll probably read by torchlight. Or see if my guitar playing improves in the dark.

Better still, I could go to bed early (it would be so good for me!) but we all know that's not going to happen.

Monday, 23 March 2009

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

This is a reproduction of a poster from, I don't know, the early 1900s in Australia that was part of a calendar printed last year in Victoria to celebrate 100 years of womens' vote. It's a powerful, inspiring and generally awesome picture, although I notice that her clothing is pretty skimpy...

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Ladies, meet Craig. He's 35, has an extensive DVD collection and is looking for a girlfriend.

He likes fancy dress but draws the line at men in tights. He's keen on "doing stuff", but not stuff that includes cheese or kites. And he's pretty sure he's invented a time machine.

Whether he's a prankster or a prodigy, there's no doubt Craig has the people of Windsor captivated.

Craig has posted a series of signs on street furniture in Chapel Street in Melbourne's south-east, but his real identity so far remains a mystery.

The posters are now making their way across the internet, earning Craig a mention in Time magazine, on a radio station in Seattle and at least two Facebook groups, 'Mystery Man Craig from Windsor Appreciation Club' and 'We love Craig!'.

Keen web-watchers are already pointing out similarities between the work of Craig, thought to be Facebook identity Craig Dick, and a New York man named Chris.

There is also conjecture that Craig's posters may be a marketing ploy for online classifieds site craigslist.com.

But Craig has shunned the spotlight, calling instead for secrecy as he boldly ignores threats of $500 fines for hanging posters ("If you see me putting this up, can you do me a favour and not tell anybody'') and organises rendezvous to visit his grandmother ("she's a bit deaf so you'll have to speak up''), discuss cake decorating ("please bring photos or sample cake ... as proof of experience'') or give away a queen-size mattress ("it's like new except for some small burn marks'').

But he's not just a lonely guy with a printer and a penchant for caps lock.

Craig is a good Samaritan ("Did you walk past here at about 5.30pm last Tuesday? I may have your copy of Metro that you dropped ... the crossword is only half-filled in so you should be able to identify it").

He's also an entrepreneur ("For sale: this lamp-post. As is where is") and, like many of us, he's concerned how the global financial crisis will affect him ("If you know and would like to tell me then meet me here at 4pm tomorrow").

But perhaps most important for prospective girlfriends, he's well-mannered, even during time travel: "I'm pretty sure I've invented a time machine. All going according to plan I'll materialise right here at 11.37am on Friday. This is just a courtesy note to make sure you're not standing in this spot at the time."

Craig-watchers are on tenterhooks waiting for the next instalment.

In the meantime, if you're a woman with a big TV, Craig is waiting for you in Windsor.

He'll be wearing one white thong and one brown thong so you can recognise him.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Last night I watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and I have to say I wasn't impressed. I know it's supposed to be an exploration of love in all it's forms, and he did present some intriguing scenarios, but I would not call this Woody Allen's best film.

I don't find Javier Bardem particularly attractive, but his accent was pretty sexy. The narration, on the other hand, was just weird and unnecessary, since, for the most part, it stated the bloomin' obvious: "Juan hurried out in the middle of the night." The music, however, was very good.

I thought this was one of Scarlett Johansson's more convincing performances. Her character seemed fairly shallow, but she played the so-called free spirt Cristina better than I've seen her in anything else.

Vicki (Rebecca Hall) was fantastic, rival to Cruz (no easy feat), a complex, emotional and uncertain character I could relate to. It's a cliche; she knows (and is getting) what she wants in life until she meets and sleeps with Juan, who turns her world and what she thought she wanted upside down, but it doesn't feel like an age-old story line. Except for Maria Elena, she is the most interesting character in the film, and Hall does her complete justice.

Penelope Cruz is the real star, as the bitter, sulky, borderline madwoman of Juan's past who still and will always hold his heart. She smoulders, with intensity and ferocity, showing she is truly deserving of her Oscar.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

People don't just meet organically anymore. If I want to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go get a new haircut - I update my profile. That's just how it is.

I saw He's Just Not That Into You on Friday with Sara. It was funny, romantic, and made some interesting points about the modern dating game. My favourite couple was, far and away, Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long. Aw. They're so cute!

Most people might think Goodwin's character seems desperate and gives women a bad name, but she was just wearing her heart on her sleeve, and good on her for hoping, and putting herself out there.

Sure and it's somewhat cliched, but I actually liked that they weren't all happy endings (although I wasn't a huge fan of the Ben/Anna story) but here are ten cliches you won't see in He's Just Not That Into You:

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Apostrophes drive me straight up the wall. It's not the apostrophes' fault - it's the dumbass people who frequently misuse them and consequently send me into a tailspin, because I see it everywhere. What happened to all the editors in the world? Did they forget the basic rules of grammar? Did they lose their copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves? DID THEY ALL HAVE A MEETING TO CONSPIRE AGAINST ME? In the eternal words of Osbourne Cox, "what the fuck"?! An IGA ad proudly proclaims "1000's of new stores;" in Target AND Big W, there are many "DVD's" and "CD's" on sale; the 80's and 90's are making quite the comeback. IT IS HURTING MY EYES, EVERYWHERE I TURN. For goodness sake people, this is primary school stuff.

I know that "its" looks funny without an apostrophe and people throw one in just for good measure, figuring it can't hurt, BUT IT DOES. It's not hard, people, but its significance is far reaching.

Your stupid.You're bag is over there.WRONG!This one is easy. You're is CLEARLY a contraction for you are. You're funny. You're pretty. CONTRACTION. See above. Your means yours, as in you OWN it. Your life. Your lack of grammar, &tc.

Who's is this?Whose this?WRONG!Whose means who does it belong to? Possessive. Ownership. Who's means who is coming to dinner? Who is that at the door? WHO IS GOING TO BLOODY PUNCTUATE PROPERLY?!

It's Gabriella Cilmi! Which, admittedly, makes me kind of proud. Oh Gabriella, your annoyingly catchy and also somewhat whiney songs may have won six ARIAs, but I honestly don't know if I can condone and/or accept you for this kind of dress. If it could be called that. I mean, she looks great; young, beautiful, charming, confident; she can almost pull it off and make it look cool. But they're ties. Is it ironic, a bold fashion statement or just bad taste?

Please Gabriella, think of the children, the tens, or (if you're lucky) hundreds of misguided children called your fans! After all, we wouldn't want them to think this kind of thing was fashionable.

GAB on Demand

Better bitchy viewing

About Me

I'm a cute brunette and a chronic giggler with a BA and not much hair. I decided I'm going to change the world, one student at a time, so I've started studying to be a primary teacher. I suffer from a fatal sweet tooth that will probably lead to a diabetic demise. I live with my head in the clouds and my heart lost in fiction. I'm told I have a smile like Cassie from Skins, and I talk with the speed and frequency of Dory in Finding Nemo. I'm half American, half Aussie, part poet, hugely romantic and wholly optimistic. My friends call me the Energizer Bunny; I don't stop. I see so many movies and buy so many books that I'm usually broke. I watch too much TV. But hey, you only live once, and dammit, I'm going to enjoy it.
I'm just a girl, but you can call me JAG.