12 April 2010

Size 6, my ass. Not.

Still quite mired in the pooped-out-holy-crap-my-arms-are-leaden experience of early pregnancy. Intense feelings of crapiness, but again, no better reason in the world.

Wore maternity jeans all weekend which felt like pure bliss.

Fit note: old navy, WTF? thanks for taking my very clearly always size 10 kateness and making me a maternity size 6. Makes for much sending of stuff back and forth. Size 6 my ass.

But the shirts? TINY. silly tiny. doll tiny. not sure what is up with that. gave up with old navy tops.

The jeans, boot cut, low, worn in feeling/looking, stretchy but not messy, $25. I bought short, I am 5'4".

Found one great, basic t-shirt at gap online, a little tight in the arms but how great to tent over The Belly-- basic V neck with stretch, short sleeve, comes in 3 colors (knock yourself out gap)-- black, white, and kelly green. I got white. 12.50. Ordered another. The long sleeve version is only available in black and white and not white in my size (M). SO help me, if I were independently wealthy, I'd design and sell basic clothes in many colors. They have a cute overstiched u neck t-shirt in great colors-- a great purple-- whose fabric is so clingy and thin that you can see the details of my inny belly button without trying. Not recommended unless you are into that sort of thing. Soft soft soft, but dang. 19.50. Might sleep in it.

Since I am not out at work yet, I do this trick with an elastic band on my ordinary pants-- around the button through the button hole twice and back around the button. I know that soon I will not be doing that second wrap through the hole-- it is easy, simple, works, stretches since The Belly grows during the day, shrinks back over night....

Started worrying about the little one for no good reason other than it has been a week since my last reassuring glimpse and I am feeling so worried about my heart should anything bad happen-- I feel *almost there*, almost into the second trimester-- just a few more weeks, right? But being almost there makes me fear the universe's cruelty. I know you know what I mean.

I have a tilted uterus, so now, at week 11, do you think I might have luck with a doppler? Or should I wait? Anyone out there similarly tipped who can advise?

And spring! magnolia buds are cracked open enough to see pink...

frost due tonight though

peas to plant in a sunny spot on the south side...

things are greening up, budding out, maples dropping their red blossoms... the sun is warm even when the wind is cold like today-- it feels hopeful, it really does.

the other morning the sky was moving so fast, clouds whipping by up there, holes of blue dragged across behind the trees.... it always amazes me when the sky moves like that and I am sitting in stillness, trees at rest, no roaring wind.

I miss my magical hikes, but they are inherently darned strenuous for fit-not-pregnant kate, so they are off-limits until I have the little one in a pack-- I look forward to maybe trying yoga again soon (I cut out everything since all of my energy has been simply gone)-- but now, psychologically I am feeling ready to move, at least a little, and I hope my body begins to want to too....

Sorry I've dropped so low and have been so quiet and so off-line- I hope to resurface soon. But for now, quiet, low, slow all seem to be necessary not optional.

So good to hear you sounding hopeful and taking it easy. There's a lifetime of vigorous hikes and yoga and whatnot ahead, but for now slow sounds good. Slow sounds safe. Slow preserves your precious energy for baby growing.

Hoping the tranquility sticks around for the remainder of your pregnancy. Thinking of you and quietly smiling about the fact that you're having the opportunity to post about your expanding belly and maternity wear. LOVE IT!

Oh yea, Old Navy maternity sizes are totally wack! I've had to ship things back and forth a few times already. But I can't complain about them too much - their maternity stuff is actually reasonably priced as opposed to the highway robbery I see everywhere else.

As for tilty - I am one too! And it did make it harder for the Doppler to pick up the h/b, even at the OB's office until about 13 weeks. Once I passed 13, it seems that my uterus had gotten big enough that it straightened out and from then on, I had no problem picking it up.

So, if I were you, I might wait a week to order and then have it ready on hand @ 13 weeks. You might drive yourself crazy with worry if you try too soon.

This is the one I order, $65 from Ama.zon and I've been very happy with it:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002ZHTVEM/ref=oss_product

And finally, I can second that the Be Band at Target is awesome! I have one in black and white, I think they were about $16 each. It definitely helps you continue to wear your regular pants until about 16-17 weeks and after that, sometimes I like to wear for support or so that there's not an unsightly gap between my shirt and skirt, it just looks like layering. :)

Also - I forgot to mention, make sure to get ultrasound gel if you get a monitor - you don't need the fancy stuff, even Astrog.lide works great. But without the gel, sometimes I can't even pick up the h/b now, at 19 weeks. As soon as I apply the gel, I find it in 2 seconds!

I had great luck with Target's knock-off Bella band. I wore it and my regular pants until 6 months. Very comfy and much more flattering than most maternity pants.Tops are another story...I have yet to find a top that fits my small shoulders and bust AND my enormous belly. I feel like the guy at the ballpark that ate one too many hotdogs. You know, the guy who has the bottom 4 inches of his pot belly showing between his pants and t-shirt. Totally me right now.

um... how to say this. i weigh 25 pounds more than you do, at last meeting. AND i wear a size 6-8 at old navy (which translates to a 10/12 back in the 80s, 14 in the 60s. which means my grandmother, a woman we always thought was fat, was not. but i digress)

and i use the rubberband trick all the time and i'm not pregnant, but that the thickest waist known to man.

maybe you can just give your body permission to move itself slowly and gently however it wishes during a floor session at home if you don't feel quite ready yet to head to yoga class? I find that even five minutes of free movement feels wonderful to me ...

Bella bands rock. (wearing one right now!) My tilted ute 'straightened out' at about 12 weeks, and it's been easy to find the heartbeat ever since. It was almost impossible before that - of course, I'm a bit chubbier than you are, so...

Also, Target sells good decent maternity tops that are comfy without being see-through. I got a few basic t-shirts in basic colors and I've been happy with them so far.

have I said lately how delighted, thrilled & otherwise beside myself with happiness I am that we're going through this at the same time? COULD NOT BE HAPPIER FOR YOU!!!

Also - I forgot to mention, make sure to get ultrasound gel if you get a monitor - you don't need the fancy stuff, even Astrog.lide works great. But without the gel, sometimes I can't even pick up the h/b now, at 19 weeks. As soon as I apply the gel, I find it in 2 seconds!

About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

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inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."