How To: Get Out Of Jams

no toilet paper

You're at a party, you just finished the paté, and you rush into the bathroom stall. Well, you've relieved yourself, but you break into another cold sweat once you realize that you have no toilet paper.

What do you do? There are several options; the easiest would be to ask the guy next to you to spare a square . If you're alone, quickly step out of the stall and get paper from the next one, or resort to the paper towels (okay, not the softest option, but viable). If it's a single bathroom, your next option is to pull up your pants (I know — gross), knock on the door of the ladies' room, and get toilet paper from there.

If you're at a cocktail party at someone's house, for instance, you can:

1- Use your cell phone to call someone else at the party that you know and trust, and ask them to come to your rescue.2- Just pull up your pants and make a quick exit (assuming you didn't just have a bad case of the runs).

Sometimes you've just got to do what you've got to do.

Next time... I know how easy it is to forget to check out the toilet paper inventory before leaving your mark, so try to carry some Kleenex in your pockets — you never know when you'll need it.

And if you always cover the toilet seat with toilet paper before sitting, you'll know whether or not there is any off the bat, and act accordingly.

no money

If your wallet was stolen and you're in a foreign country, then you have bigger problems. But there are times when you forget your wallet or for some reason don't have access to it. You need money for food, transportation (if your car isn't nearby) and a phone call.

What do you do? If you're completely strapped for cash and in a desperate situation, perhaps you have something you can pawn or barter, like a fountain pen or a fake Rolex (I never said anything about a real one!).

If you need to make a phone call and have absolutely no money (and no cell phone, that's a given), there are a few options:

1- ask a store, restaurant or café to use their phone.2- dial collect if it's a close friend or family member, and explain later.3- ask someone on the street for change (the more presentable you look, the more likely someone will give you a quarter or even a dime). Don't say you need it for coffee, but explain that you lost your wallet and really need to make a phone call.

Next time... Get a calling card and memorize the number so that you can always use it when you need to (especially if you leave it in your wallet). Also, make a habit of carrying cash in your pockets, or dividing your money amongst your wallet and pockets so that you'll always have petty cash on you.