Steve: His head is an evil skull so he attacks by burying himself up to his evil skull and then you think it's just an evil skull laying on the ground in a dungeon and you're like, "Huh, free evil skull just laying here, let me just grab that and-"

Zack: BOOM!

Steve: "Waaa! Where'd this cartoon body come from? Guys, it wasn't just an evil skull like you said. It's a whole monster."

Zack: It says it moves around by jumping like a spring. I can only assume it makes a really screechy BLAAAAAAA! noise while it's doing it to complete my image of an annoying amusement park ride come to life.

League of Legends has 600 characters and 11,000 skills. These are the only ones you need.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.