Monday, August 13, 2012

There is G-d's beauty in a sunrise...

B'H
My favourite time of the day is morning. We wake with 'Modai ani' on our lips, rinse the night from our hands and then wash the sleep from our eyes and a new world is created full of promise and hope.I saw through the window of the bedroom this.

The picture does not do it justice.It is living poetry. My son is sleeping soundly. So unlike where we were in the city when he would come crying to my room saying he cannot sleep on top of the abuse from the children at the school where he was at previously. I do not blame the children but their parents for their prejudices and assumptions. He was told that 'You have girlfriends'. (I did not understand what he meant until it was spelt out for me by a cocky year 6 boy and his friends in the school yard. Quite pathetic really using your child to spread lies about a person and say that they are a 'lesbian'. I am definitely not, but even if I was it would not be your business. After my stint at dealing with the secular parents at that school, I do understand what gay people go through and it makes me very glad I am not one. Their hatred of religious people is quite astounding though, and for people who say they are for gay rights and minority, it beggars belief that they could do what they did to me. I guess if you are religious and believe in G-D it is open slather. the thing is these people did not understand that I grew up in the country and I am very comfortable being by myself and I am a loner who does like people but I do have the emotional resources to be very self occupied. What they did was just hurt my son by isolating him by not allowing their children to play with him and encouraging them to hit him. When I queried my son as to why he thinks they may have hit him and kicked him in the groin, he said, "Mummy, they hit me because of you. They hate you because you are religious. They told me I was not a Jew and that you are not a Jew. They said you are mad and deluded thinking you are a Jew.'
So I told him, 'Honey these people are not rabbis. They are very ignorant secular or not religious Jews whose neshamas feel an enormous guilt that they are not practising Jews. They feel very bad that they do not follow their religion properly and so they take it out on us.' Then he told me that some of the kids hurting him were non Jews and thus I had to say that there are some Non Jews who know very little about Jews and Jewish belief and so they are afraid because they do not know much about Torah and Judaism only what they have heard from self hating secular Jews who hate the religious Jews and who feed lots of lies to the non Jews which many non Jews take up because they want to live corrupt lives free of the disciplines and morality of Torah and Torah values. Torah is for everyone and even non Jews have the seven noahide laws to follow and some of them do not even want to do that.
Hashem gives all people responsibilities but Jews and our Jewish nation he has chosen for a special role which involves a lot of responsibilities that many Jews let alone the other nations do not want to accept. If we want our connection with Hashem to be strong, we must follow Torah and live a committed and honest life with peace in our hearts and in the way we behave with others even if it is difficult. Even Mummy finds it very hard not to be nasty to be people who are very nasty to her, but we have to try.'
Unfortunately my son told two teachers about the incident with this boy Daniel who wacked him on the leg. They did nothing and did not even write an incident report. I was told that my son has an 'intellectual disability and his account is 'unreliable' because he is 'not very bright and unable to express himself'. I disagree about their assessment of my son's intellectual ability. I believe he is very bright. They just cannot deal with his hyperactive behaviour and if anything they need help in dealing with him. I think he is quite a bright kid who was very keen to learn until he was bullied out of the desire to learn because he was not in the 'norm' range and the worst thing I did was allow them to bully me into doing the ridiculous IQ testing instead of just taking him home and teaching him myself. I think people preconceive notions about others that control the way they think, act and speak about them. I do not blame Daniel, he is a very troubled young boy. What I do want is that his parents get him some help before he really hurts another child, worse than what he did to my son. I have only used his first name, but I do know who he is. I was told that I should just shut up and forget about this. I had played with the idea of writing an impact statement to his parents and begging them to get help for their child, but I was told that they would not listen.
I feel very sad that there is another Jewish child out there who is so very troubled and angry at the world and at members of his own faith that he would deliberately hurt another child, Jewish or not Jewish. I have to work with my son who is now furious at me that I did not go up and smack Daniel one in the playground of his school because he was teased and bullied repeatedly and told he was a non Jew and that his mother was a pig lesbian. He may have said 'big'lesbian. I certainly hope so. I may be big and fat, that part is correct, but I am not a lesbian. They also have feelings and even though I am not one, I feel a sense of pity for them. I was told not to write such a letter as that child's parents will sue me for defamation and it will achieve nothing. It is a sad day when a child who is hurt has to leave school to go to another school because of it. The child who does the hurting gets no consequences and learns that if he hurts another child it is ok. The victim is the one who is the 'criminal' and the bad guy. Maybe he has been hurt and wanted to hurt my child, who knows? I have to helpmy child deal with this sort of garbage and sort through the anger and the despair of another child. The greatest evil is done by those who watch evil happen and cover it up or stand by and do nothing.

So now what I am saying quite categorically the following:
1. I am not a lesbian
2. I do not watch any forms of pornography of any kind - I believe that sort of thing is quite sick and people who do watch it have something wrong somewhere in their lives. Something broken and I do literally thank G-D I have never desired to view such things
3. I am an Orthodox Jewess and underwent a conversion al pi Halacha according to Orthodox Jewish law in 1989. I have no shame about this. I am proud to be a Jew because Torah is about guidelines to a good and honest life. I try to live my life well and people can tell all the lies that they want about me, but I will not deviate from the way I live my life whether I live in a castle or a hovel. I am who I am.
4. I may have deviated from a Torah lifestyle at some time in my life and while this shames me, I have for the past just over nine years tried to do better. I will continue to work on myself and not be fazed by abuse from other people.
I can see G-D's design in a sunrise, the peace of the countryside and know who I am before G-D and that is enough. I try to deal honestly with others. We need to be true to ourselves and G-D and without truth, Torah and Tzedaka we are nothing but a speck in the universe. G-D is merciful and loves peace. Those who do not pursue peace in their dealings with others will never understand the connection between G-D and themselves.

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I will post at will anything from my opinion on current affairs, my daily boring life, my meditations, my philosophizing on the meaning of living and G-d and the purpose of it all.You are welcome to join the ongoing debate and contribute criticisms, compliments or your own wafflings so long as they are not crude and vulgar; so long as you can express yourself in English. I welcome your input.