The other day I was checking out at a local store and noticed the cashier was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. She talked and chatted with everyone in line, and then it was my turn to check out.......
It went down like this:
I walk up to the register and get no "Hi", no eye contact, no nothing.
Me: "How are you?"
Her: "Fine." (still no eye contact)
beep......
beep......
beep......
Me: "So, have you been busy today?"
Her: "No." (quick glance THROUGH me)
beep......
beep......
Me: "Whoever did your nails did a great job. They look really great."
Her: "Thanks. Your total is $17.26"

She could not have screamed "I AM NOT INTERESTED IN WHITE GUYS, YOU STUPID CRACKER!" any louder. It's not like I was coming off all overbearing, or smarmey, or even all that interested. I believe I merely offered plenty of opportunity for a light conversation. (Not to mention, at least a small signal that she realized I even existed). I realized that very few black women ever make eyecontact with me. So now I really pay attention when I go anywhere. I almost never get so much as a glance from black women.

Here's where the lightbulb came on.

There has to be a communication breakdown. It's not like white men and black women aren't attracted to each other, we're just putting out the wrong signals! It's like two kids with walkie-talkies pushing the button at the same time! We're both screaming, and neither of us can hear.

So my advice to black women on how to meet white guys is easy. Be aware of incoming signals. MAKE EYE CONTACT. LOOK AT US. If we're looking back and making small talk......we might be interested. I bet the next time you go out and just try looking every white dude in the eye, you'll at least have one that tries to start a conversation. The next one might be the one for you.

Now, any of you fine black women have any advice on how Joe Average White Guy can pull in some fine honeys?

20Comments

Ya know, I wonder, at least here in the South, if it is not cultural... Lots of whites do not talk to black cashiers and simply speak to them only as required to complete the transaction. It would be natural to reciprcate that behaviour. THAT BEING SAID (an you folks in the South know exactly what I am talking about from both sides of the interaction...) as our culture and society move forward, hopefully things will change. There is also the culture issues, in the South, of interracial dating. But that topic has been beaten to death already here in the blogs! *laugh*

i have a comment, dont always assume that a black woman isnt interested in white guys. the example you gave about the cashier could have been a misunderstanding on your part. maybe she doesnt flirt with people while shes at work. im sure your not the first man to show interest in her but really.. she was working and trying to remain professional while your flirting and dozens of other people are watching. people who arent into IR relationships and could complain and cause this beautiful black woman to lose her job. just something to think about. be aware of the settings in which you approach women. maybe she would have responded differently if she were on her lunch break or not being watched by co workers the boss. jealous women angry men. put yourself in her situation. its different being a black woman anywhere in america than it is for any man. just a thought.

LOLOLOL ...I MUST ADMIT, I LAUGHED ALOT AFTER READING YOUR BLOG . MAYBE THIS WOMAN IN THE STORE YOU ARE REFERRING TO ACTUALLY DID YOU A FAVOR AND YOU DIN'T CATCH ON, MOST EDUCATED, INTELLIGENT,EXPERIENCED WOMEN WOULD HAVE !!!! LOL

I say if you want to date black women use the same "approach" you use on non black women, that is one of respect and diligence. We are just women who want to be "chased" and "pursued" just like any other woman. If you want this then you have to know that it wiill take more than small talk at the cash register. PLus you must realize that the taboo is having a "relationship" with a black woman, not a one night stand or just casual sex. So WM must move with more caution not timidity towards dating black women and take all that I mentioned into consideration. No one likes rejection but some of us tend to be a bit "gun shy" if you know what I mean. Heck, in Georgia just outside of Atlanta a black woman, with her child in tow was beat up by a white man who didn't like the idea that she cautioned him by asking him to be careful because he almost hurt her child. See what I mean?! And just two weeks ago a white guy in Cheddars called a coworker the n word for just looking at him. So you gotta consider that even though this is the 21st Century some things die really hard, especially in the south.

Ya know, I wonder, at least here in the South, if it is not cultural... Lots of whites do not talk to black cashiers and simply speak to them only as required to complete the transaction. It would be natural to reciprcate that behaviour.

THAT BEING SAID (an you folks in the South know exactly what I am talking about from both sides of the interaction...) as our culture and society move forward, hopefully things will change.

There is also the culture issues, in the South, of interracial dating. But that topic has been beaten to death already here in the blogs! *laugh*

Ya know, I wonder, at least here in the South, if it is not cultural... Lots of whites do not talk to black cashiers and simply speak to them only as required to complete the transaction. It would be natural to reciprcate that behaviour.

THAT BEING SAID (an you folks in the South know exactly what I am talking about from both sides of the interaction...) as our culture and society move forward, hopefully things will change.

There is also the culture issues, in the South, of interracial dating. But that topic has been beaten to death already here in the blogs! *laugh*

Okay, I am in TOTAL agreement¿with what a lot of the ladies here have said. Not all black women are that way. Perhaps that one black cashier wasn't SURE you were interested or perhaps she may just not have been "comfortable" with the situation. Not all black women are, but not all white men are and vice versa. We are all individuals and have our own unique ideas about life itself ! Speaking for myself, I am a bit laid back and not one to approach a man and just because he attempts conversation,¿does not mean he is interested. Be clear and make it known ! The next time you see a beautiful Ebony Princess, just tell her so... if there is any sort of connection, I believe you will know ! You never know where it will go from there, but if you wanna find out for sure, just take a chance. It's okay if you get rejected, that just puts you one Nubian Princess closer to the one for you ! So, dare to cross the color line, you might just be pleasantly surprised !

And for any other WM out there that might be living in the condo next door to me in Clearwater, drop by, check out my profile¿and say hi to a sista ! I am READY to meet my Ivory Prince !!! :)

Hi Superlite 27.
There can be so many factors at play here. I would guess that if that lady had shown interest and dated you she would be a first timer. When I was in college the white guys started paying me attention. Class settings were great for meeting new friends. You see the same faces everyday and just kind of start talking. I remember one guy talked to me everyday. We went to see a required play for class together. Began meeting at lunch almost everyday. He was a tall blonde from of all places Texas. I really thought he was my friend. From time to time he would take and hold my hand. This went on for a couple of months. I was clueless the whole time. We went to another play and he had a friend with him and it turned out only two seats were available together. I told the two guys to sit together and somehow confusion incited and I ended up sitting with the guys friend. My friend quickly became cold and I senseed a bit of anger. We distanced and it was weeks before I realized my "friend" considered us to be dating the whole time. The lessons here? I should pay more attention to what is going on! He should have been more direct okay like an attempt at a kiss or something. He assumed that because I was 20 I had dated many times before when in fact I had only one date before in my life. That guy said "I'd like to take you out Friday night." That made me understand straight away that he was trying to date me. Uh duh some of us are a bit dim when it comes to crossing the color lines. I was not opposed to interracial dating the first guy was Mexican American. It just never occured to me that a big blonde Texan was interested in me.
It is difficult outside of work and school for a woman to meet a man save dating sites. I admire you men. I appluad you for trying to have a conversation with that lady. I'd go back to the store and choose her line a few more times. One day say I'd like to take you to dinner Friday night. She will feel more confortable saying yes.

Not all black women are like that, don't let this one experience hold you back from flirting or making samll talk with other black women. Plenty of black women are interested in white men, its just hard for both WM and BW to tell if the other is interested or how to approach one another.

Great evening! Well I would not think she meant stupid cracker,,,hehe
It perhaps was that there was someone ELSE in line yet so she may not wanted to have seemed to be to friendly with you. One thing I have learned is never take it personal. The way you come off here is taking it way too personal....

The advice I would give white men concerning meeting black women is to be more direct, even if it means being rejected because most of the time when white men make small talk with me the conversation does not go anywhere because they are not direct enough to let me know they are interested. I know in my town white men are very indirect and barely say a word even if I can see they are clearly interested. I am old-fashioned and I will not make the first move so the glances and the small talk goes nowhere.
Next time you see a GORGEOUS black woman you are interested in let her know that she is pretty and wait for her response. Then, you will know whether she's interested. But remember, its not everyday that white men flirt with black women, so personally speaking, I am not going to assume a white man who makes small talk with me is necessarily interested in me.
Good luck to you.

Where I live, it is not uncommon for black people to NOT look white people in the eye. Not at all. Especially a white man, especially in the service industry, especially if that white man is seemingly interested in conversing.

I live Georgia. Not Atlanta (chocolate city). in a smaller town farther east. I think that says it all. you have to consider many elements that we all like to forget. It wasn't that long ago that this type of flirtation would have been considered inconcievable, and it wasn't that long ago that she may have gotten fired, harrassed, or worse, for reciprocating.
All I'm saying is that part of the reason for the 'loopholes' is that many still harbor the old fears, old rules, old systems of the U.S. and many people, black and white, have been raised to also feel, fear, and oppress the same way as the 'old' days.
Don't be surprised when this type of thing happens, but also don't let it discourage you.
Many of us, myself included, have been raised to love everyone as we would ourselves. and that is my credo. but I really do think twice and read more into nonverbal communication before approaching a white or latino man. You just never know which one will call you out your name and end up tripping and falling on your fist (if you know what I mean).
My only advice is being more bold around black women, just to let them know it's safe to approach or be approached. Bolder without stalking or being weird, but bolder nonetheless.

My advice to you is to be yourself and relaxed.Just approach her with confidence and give her compliments.Dating and trying to find the right one is not an easy thing.I personally have dated all races and have no problem with white men at all.Just relax and if she comes off with attitude keep going.
Best of luck to you.
Peace and take care.

I personally think your handsome. Have you met the woman of your dreams yet? What do you do for fun? No, not all black women are afraid to make eye contact with white men or any other man or woman for that matter...from the conversation you wrote, she was not interested in you at all but hey, be bold, go back and ask her out...it might surprise you, she might say yes.