Culture

Graphic Content: We’re talking about boobs

Women in comics get a bad rap. They really do. All the lady superheroes in Marvel and DC get slammed. They have no substance, feminists say. Which can be true. Think hard about comic books in the 70s and 80s with women superheroes in them? Can’t think of any? That’s because all the women in those comic books sucked. But they did offer one thing: sex appeal.

Women have constantly played background characters in comic books and it’s only until recently that writers have started using them has main characters. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. But series like X-Men brought female supes up in the world and showed readers, hey women can have strong personalities too! But the body types still stayed. You can’t just change the way Sue Storm looks because the times have changed. Hell, Wonder Woman was created by a man with a bondage fetish. Would you take our her Lasso of Truth just because it’s not “empowering?” So I’m making a list. Owning up to what my gender looks like in the printed world. I’m talking about DC and Marvel’s best racks and the brains behind them.

1. Power Girl (Superman universe, DC)
Personally I’m not the biggest fan of Power Girl. But damn if she doesn’t have some big boobs. I mean, those things are unnatural (see above). Thank God she is too. Power Girl was created during the Earth-Two reign in DC, where the company decided “Hey let’s create an alternate world with essentially the same characters and then mash them together in Crisis on Infinite Earths.” The rumor is that the original artist was so bored drawing Power Girl that he drew her breasts larger and larger every issue until someone noticed that they were some unearthly proportion. The rest is DC history.

2. Black Canary (Birds of Prey, DC)
I’ve always been a big fan of Black Canary. Where Power Girl is not the brightest character in the DC Comics, Black Canary has always been quick-witted, smart, and powerful. Her super power is kind of lame (she has a sonic scream) but hey, that’s why she joined Birds of Prey and more recently Green Arrow. She’s a good team player. Her fighting skills are up to par and if the team gets in trouble she can burst her adversary’s ear drums. And she obviously brings the sex appeal to anyone she joins. Look at that outfit!

3. Emma Frost/White Queen (X-Men, Marvel)
Emma Frost has been and always will be the biggest bitch in the X-Men universe. And that’s why I love her. She’s the perfect good guy with bad tendencies when she’s White Queen. Her soft side often finds her in heartbreaking situations but her intelligence and her telepathic prowess make her an outstanding foe. Her strengths even got her the job of leading the freakin’ X-Men. She’s the brains and beauty of the team. Plus she totally owns Cyclops’s ass when she’s dating him. Good for her. That man needed a good whipping.

4. Black Cat (Spiderman universe, Marvel)
Black Cat is to Marvel as Catwoman is to DC. They’re both elite thieves in tight catsuits trying to get all up on their respective city’s superhero. Black Cat isn’t always a bad guy (much like Catwoman as well) and frequently leaps across tall buildings to help out her friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Really Parker’s getting the best of both worlds here. He has Mary Jane, another comic hottie, who is the sweet girl next door. Then he gets Black Cat, the tempestuous thief who wants to ravage Spiderman. Win win.

5. She-Hulk (The Savage She-Hulk, Marvel)
Again, I’ve never been a fan of She-Hulk, or really Hulk in general. But she’s actually a nice addition to the sausage fest that can be the S.H.E.I.L.D. Her contribution to the Civil War series is pivotal, since not only does the woman possess super human strength and green skin, she’s also a lawyer. She’ll sue the shit out of you and then knock down your house just to further humiliate your manhood.

6. Poison Ivy (Batman universe, DC)
When you read the name Poison Ivy, a picture of Uma Thurman probably popped into your head. I need you to erase that image and replace it with the one above. Poison Ivy is not only a devoted vigilante but also a world-class scientist. She’s one of my favorite villains in the DC universe. She’s got a good body and an even deadlier intellect and knows how to use both to her advantage. Her knowledge about chemistry far surpasses that of her adversary Batman. And she’s always trying to make Batman fall in love with her so she can own his ass and make Gotham into the biggest greenhouse ever. Which hey, if she was the ruler of it all would you really be that mad about it?

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Some of the femmes in comics that come to mind and who are worthy of appreciation are Typhoid Mary, Star Sapphire, Fausta and Lady Luger. AC Comics seems to specialise in attractive females, good and bad, but before AC there was Paragon, which had some really potent females and some dangerously subversive content.