A Forgotten Valentine – Why Our Partners Have Grown Lazy

Robin Kahler is a patient who was diagnosed with affective bipolar disorder in 1988. She works from her home in Tucson, Arizona, as an...Read More

Ladies; it’s time for us to unite over this growing situation concerning husband’s (or similar partner’s) who neglect us on holiday’s; especially, Valentine’s Day. I know I’m not the only one who failed to receive a card or a trinket. I heard on the news that 2 out of every 10 men failed to purchase a card or a gift.

I read some recent articles on the subject, interestingly they were all written by men, and they all basically rambled the same excuses: “We should show our love every day, and it really isn’t necessary to go to a fancy restaurant or send a bunch of flowers for Valentine’s Day.”

To that I say, “Boulder-dash!”

I for one, am tired of emailed cards with dancing cats. I want a real one that I can set on my desk. And after nearly 40 years of marriage, I still want to be treated as though we were courting.

On Valentine’s Day I had a great many thoughts in my head about this romantic holiday. I remembered one year when my mother phoned and she said to me, “Please don’t spend money on Valentine’s cards this year, I took out some of the dozens you’ve sent me in the past and I set those all on my piano.”

Of course I still sent her a card. She passed away with cancer 13 years ago, at the young age of 61. After her funeral I found a box under her bed that sat filled to the brim with cards my brother and I had sent her throughout the years: Mother’s Day, Valentine’s, Easter, Birthday, Anniversary and many more. Yesterday I thought, “She wouldn’t have saved them, if they didn’t mean anything to her. I’m glad I sent them every year. I wish I could still send them.” And then I cried.

Monday was a roller coaster of emotions for me. At first I thought it is because I’m bipolar and menopausal, but I believe there may be other women, who are more “normal” who may have had a roller coaster ride, too. I felt a bit sorry for myself. My son’s forgot to phone, my husband forgot it was THE DAY. I felt embarrassed when I went to my Facebook page and read all of the glowing accounts of the wonderful Valentine’s days other women had. Romantic husband’s, candlelight dinner’s and tender moments.

At first I thought there must be something wrong with me. (Am I that insecure?) I ALMOST went into depression. And just before I sank into the depths I thought, “Wait a minute, it isn’t me! It’s men who have become lazy, men who are stuck in the daily grind!” As I thought of the articles I’d read, I decided that some men have become caught up in a circle of excuses, each telling the other that they don’t have to do anything special for the day, because they love their wives and (maybe they think) because they show it every day, they don’t need to set aside anything for a special event. Well, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I disagree.

I thought about the reasons WHY I always sent my mother something in the way of recognition and I realized that it wasn’t just my love for her, it was my respect. I respected her for all that she was and did for me as a child and as an adult. I respected her because she was my mother and she deserved to be acknowledged on a special day. (Am I THAT old-fashioned?)

When I cried to my husband just before midnight on February 14, that he hadn’t said a word about Valentine’s Day all day long, he looked surprised and said, “But you know that I love you! Didn’t I just buy you that pretty pin 2 weeks ago?”

You know ladies, they just don’t get it, do they? It’s more than just an, “I Love You.” I happen to think that we deserved to be acknowledged on these set-apart days. It occurred to me that there may be other women who may be depressed today, because of this (lazy?) trend our partners are taking. If it happened to you, it isn’t your fault, unless you’re Lucrezia Borgia, it’s NOT your fault. So if you’re in depression, shake it off and don’t be embarrassed. I went to my Facebook page and told the world that my husband and son’s forgot me. You should see the attention I got on Tuesday! My husband even pulled out my chair for me as I sat down to type this! Of course I know it’s only because he feels guilty, but I really don’t care. I want him to know how I feel and I want him to do something about it.

I told them all, “This Easter while I’m over a hot oven basting the ham, I better see a card, a lily, and a fancy coconut cream chocolate covered Easter egg!”

I wanted to write this, so that you may know that if it happened to you, you are not alone. I hope you will take affirmative action and tell your partner how you feel and not allow depression to take over. I think it’s time that we tell our partner’s that yes, we should know that we are loved every day, and no, it doesn’t take a fancy restaurant or a diamond bracelet. But that doesn’t mean they can ignore the day.

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