Monday 30th May – Even more mixed messages. I am really struggling with medics saying one thing and then changing their minds. Maybe they do this to suit themselves or maybe not? I don’t know but the way I am feeling at the moment it is like someone is playing mind games with me. Do they not understand that if the path that is planned is moved off I will start to wonder why?

It all started with my last visit to John the oncologist. The plan he then told me was
that I was to see the surgeon, have the SNLB, phone his secretary a week later when she would then send me for more blood tests and arrange an appointment with him. All very simple and straightforward I thought. So this morning I phone his secretary and explain that I had the SNLB last Tuesday and was ringing as advised the last time I saw John. She took the details and said they will need to follow up the results and they would then be in contact with me regarding my appointment. I shared with her that I was due to see the surgeon again on the 8th if that was of any help really thinking it would be perfect if I could have both appointments on the same day. She explained that John would be away that day but she would be back in contact. To my surprise she has just phoned me with
the instructions that I am to see the surgeon on the 8th as planned, see what his future plan is and then contact her again. This has completely thrown me and I immediately said “but I’m sure that is only a check-up?” She replied yes but to see what he had to say and phone her back.

Now considering the wound is much bigger that I had anticipated, I thought I was just being naïve, now I’m wondering if something else is going on but that they are waiting for the surgeon to tell me. On the other hand maybe it’s a case of holidays etc. and I’m just being delayed a bit. Argh I don’t know but I do wish they’d tell me as I’m discovering I am
not good with plans being changed again.

This surgery has knocked me more than I thought it would. My leg is sore, not so much sore as uncomfortable and tender but overall I’m just not really feeling well, as if
I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. I am wondering now if everything has just caught up on me and it is my body’s way of telling me to stop. I am nauseous and have a constant nag of a headache and I find I’m back to getting tired very easily so resting way more than I thought I’d have to. My pre surgery idea of having to be tied down is gone completely out the window, it’s quite the reverse!