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Saturday, May 14, 2011

OK, I give up. I had thought two blogs made sense--one was more private and belonging to a specific subject, and then there was here, which was free for me to write about whatever. I sheared off and talked about maternity because I didn't want to bore the socks off my friends who weren't enormously interested in babies. But I've found it isn't just about babies.

And, of course, I find myself exactly where I was when I finished teaching high school. Closure. The end of something that frustrated me. And I said good-bye to that space in hopes of finding something better. This place, field | work, was about existing in a time spent in graduate school, chasing down that dream of the MFA. And I love it here, and I might come back to it. Because I'm not done writing.

But what I have learned, in the months since Maya was born, is that little time belongs to me. Little space is my own. Our house has been typically taken over by the piles of little things--little pants and little diapers and little rings of wood to teethe on. And I love it.

But it's all I can do to keep up with the photographs I take, the little narratives of progress, and since I have the privilege and opportunity to be a stay-at-home mama for a little while, I'm going to take it and embrace it. Once in a while other things will sneak in, but probably always with the context of this enormous change in my life. When I found myself closing the doors to Lind Hall with Maya in my arms and I turned to that blog to write about it, knew I would post about the poetry reading after not here, but on that blog, I knew it was time for me to set this one to rest.

I might come back. But for now, I don't want to feel guilty that this space hasn't been updated in weeks, that I've neglected to write about my surgery and my maternal grandfather's passing and whatever else. I want to relish this time I have with Maya because it passes so quick.

So I'll be over at roots + wings, and though it's essentially a mama-blog, I hope that isn't off-putting to anyone who stops by for more general reading. I'll also keep updating flickr. And I may come back here, you know, when the world doesn't have this filter, but right now, I think that blog is good, and I'm enjoying writing in my notebooks and working on my manuscript and keeping quiet.

Oh: and I'm happy. I've never felt happier or luckier in my life. And it's not just about Maya, but about the wholeness of the world, though she's made the tough stuff easier. So it's time for me to celebrate that.