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Feeling the Burn

This week finds me a lot happier and healthier. My weight is coming off, my endurance is up and I've found a great guy to date who's really enjoying my new muscles! I'm eating clean, but I still love a glass of wine with dinner. My body really aches after our workouts and it's the only thing that relaxes me -- especially after the 3½ hours riding in a car everyday.

My strong work ethic is starting to reappear as my depression fades into the background, I have stopped all my anti-depressant meds and tossed my Lipitor for cholesterol, I am feeling like a new person.

This episode's workout, "Bringing Out the Inner Warrior," is in Irvine, California at The Orange County Fire Authority. It's the training ground for all the firemen. I was excited when I drove in. My father and 3 brothers were firemen so I grew up immersed in the idea of people helping other people. My oldest brother, James, recently retired as a Battalion Chief in Franklin, Wisconsin. A little trivia about me: I was on the Ski Patrol in Wisconsin. Yes, we had a ski hill there! Coming from the Midwest and having that public service background, I knew this was going to be my day to shine. Besides, I can get dressed faster than any woman I have ever met.

Having a man in my life makes a huge difference to me. I know I talk about my relationships a lot and it annoys Stacy. We aren't getting along that great. She doesn't appreciate my wanting to help everyone; something about myself that I am trying to stop and change. No more enabling!

This is my favorite workout so far. It was tough racing up six stories in all that gear and hot, heavy boots. The fire station we visited has had some amazing stories lately. During a recent brush fire, they had 25 men trapped under silver foil tents on top of a burning mountain for 15 minutes until the airplanes could dump water and retardant on them. Listening to all the stories was really exciting. We got to experience a lot of training, not all of it was shown on the program, and now I actually feel like I am better prepared for disasters. Everyone at the station was so encouraging. I hope we showed them the respect they deserve; they are true heroes to me. Last week was the big memorial motorcycle ride for Jim Owens, OCFA fireman, who passed away during training. In lieu of flowers, a donation was sent to the Fallen Firemen Foundation's families charity.

We were all so frightened when Bryan got heat exhaustion; he always gives 110 percent and I know he was disappointed to not finish. Mandy and I loved this drill. Mandy is kicking ass this week. My weight loss isn't as rapid as the people who have a lot to lose, but I am doing it at my pace. I'm ready to change my life, but I won't hurt myself doing it.

Any time I can spend with Kara I love, so this episode is especially fun for me. She is becoming such a great young lady! I don't always agree with everything she says, but I do respect her right to her own opinions.

I dreaded the workout with Jackie because it looked like rain. Running in the rain doesn't appeal to me. The mud was so thick I felt like I was going to break my ankles. A test of my inner warrior! You can tell Bryan and Joe really have been working on their cardio. I need to step mine up. Shay and Mandy are like the Energizer bunny; they just keep going and going at the same pace. I'm not able to run the whole way. I'm more of a sprinter/walker. Stacy's sniping at me to keep running kind of irritated me. I'm grumpy and not in the mood for her opinion. She's half my age! I zip my lip and keep walking. I don't know why Stacy accuses me of not doing my laps. It's true I didn't count because other people where doing that for us, but I know I lapped her many times. Running in the mud like Secretariat, I feel the rain on my face and pray for the end. Mall walker?! It was our hardest workout to date and my drive home was wet and long.

Some of the injuries are affecting the workouts. Joe's ankle, Shay's knee, Stacy's feet, Bryan's heat exhaustion and back problem, Nikki's -- well she's just Nikki. I'm glad I'm healthy.

My party on the Pacific Avalon yacht for my BF, Rebecca, didn't turn out the way I expected. Jackie showed up and caught me eating a coconut shrimp and drinking champagne. The girls with me are actually my workout partners and in great shape. Serena owns the Hair Extension Company and rides bikes with me. Natasha is our belly dancing teacher and she has lost 100 pounds! My friend Victoria Cooke, a former-Playmate, too, rides mountain bikes and runs with me. Rebecca does spinning with me. None of us eat fried anything; it was just there, so we tried it. When Jackie took me outside for a chat, I was scared. I hate to do anything wrong, being Miss Goody Two-Shoes, and was ready for her wrath. It never came. Jackie was amazing to me, and I really listened to what she said. I'd never realized I had such an aversion to being alone before that aha moment.

By the way, this is the fourth week; no bread, no pasta, no rice, two workouts a day. We are all getting stronger. I hate being overweight, and I'm going to try harder. I was surprised I had so much fun at the grocery store; I never grocery shop. I'm an impulse buyer so I always send someone else. A lot of what I learned, I had already read in Jackie's book, but having her go through our shopping carts helped. Bryan and Joe had us all cracking-up with the go-kart thing and the cane.

Dating several fun guys and going out every night to dinner, really slows down weight loss. Jackie has ordered us to eat at home for the remaining weeks; I'd better change my eHarmony profile to say: Need men who cook the clean diet! This has been Jackie's hardest request so far. Now we have to take pictures of every meal we eat. Rats! I'd love to take pictures of giant cakes just to tease her.