-Went to a party with Garnet and Avery at a swingers’ club. It was fun, hot, and at times kind of surreal. Garnet beat me with thosetinyglowsticks that connect into bracelets, which hurt A LOT. They are very, very stingy and they leave surprisingly long-lasting marks. I got to watch Garnet and Avery fuck in one of the private rooms, which was really, really hot. I got beaten extensively, mostly by Garnet (though Avery helped), with a bunch of implements but most excitingly with canes. I had missed being caned so much. They beat me as much as I could take…I was kind of disappointed I couldn’t take more, actually. But when it was over, I collapsed to the floor, sobbing and thanking both Garnet and Avery, and they took turns pushing their fingers into my cunt while I crouched on the floor and cried. It felt so good to be beaten and used like that.

Also I ran into someone I know from my job (it was cool, don’t worry), there was oil fetish porn on one of the TVs all night on a loop, I drew a cuttlefish on someone’s underpants, and there was a breakfast buffet. Avery, Garnet, and I ate breakfast while watching the oil porn. These were the surreal parts.

-Garnet came out of the bathroom and asked why I wasn’t licking the piss off of their cunt. I knelt behind them and got to work, lapping at their bits, sucking them into my mouth, pushing my tongue inside them. After I’d licked them clean, they ordered me to eat their ass while they got themselves off. I licked and sucked, pressing my tongue against their asshole, feeling the tight, slippery ring contract and move under my mouth, fingering their cunt until they came around my fingers and against my mouth. I felt very well-used when they were done.

-I gifted Garnet with many toys, including a very textured vibrating dildo in an amazing shade of bright pink. They wanted to try it out, and asked me to fuck them with it. We tried it with the vibrator on, but internal vibration felt really weird for them. Also Ineedto work on my stamina when it comes to fucking them with handheld toys. After I kept slowing down and/or switching hands right when they were getting into it. They decided tofinishthemselvesoff, so I laid beside them, snuggled against them while they made themselves come. When they were done, I masturbated with the little bullet vibe from inside the toy. I should have asked for permission first…but I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to get off with a tiny one-speed bullet.

Things are changing. So much is going on. Garnet and I are working on intensifying the D/s aspect of our relationship as we work on moving in together. We also had a serious talk about boundaries around their having sex with other people for literally the first time in years, which was actually a really awesome conversation to have. It was really nice to take stock of where we’re at, both with D/s andwithnonmonogamy. I’m still kind of nervous about living together, but I’m excited, too.

Things have been kind of hectic lately, but also kind of really awesome at the same time. Long story short, Garnet is sort of moving in with me. ”Sort of”because my house is tiny and not a great amount of space for more than one person, and also because they have other options for places to stay and will probably be doing that some of the time. But we’re spending lots of time together and also working on getting back to where we were with D/s before everything became super chaotic last summer. Also, I’m working a lot and have written some guest posts for Submissive Guide. So there’s a lot going on, but the majority of it is good stuff.

So with the living situation, and the D/s situation, masturbation has seemed complicated to me. I haven’t really been on a masturbation schedule since before I started on mymeds, but I’m supposed to let Garnet know if I’ve jerked off. But I feel weird, like, furtively wanking in another room if they’re home…and possibly even more weird just doing it when they’re right there. I brought this up the last time I felt like masturbating, and they laughed. I asked if I could jerk off, and they said “Of course. You can also ask to be fucked, you know. I know sometimes just jerking off is what you need…”

“Um…would you be interested in fucking me, Sir?”

“What do you want?” they asked.

“Fingers?” I said. Finger fucking is, of course, one of my favorite things. They agreed and I wriggled out of my pyjamas and laid down. They stroked my bits, then slid their fingers over my clit, teasing and warming me up before pushing their fingers inside me. Once they were in, they gradually increased speed and pressure, making me squirm and moan and try to push against them, trying to get more. I felt so yummy and filled up, and as they fucked me they asked how it felt, if I liked being filled up and used. Of course I did. I felt like their toy, a plaything to be fucked and opened and filledinwhatever way amused them most. I felt so much like a toy, in fact, that I was starting to wonder if it made sense for me to actually get off while this was going on. I held up the Form 2. ”Um…Ifeel kind of selfish asking this, Sir, but may I use this?”

They smirked, “You know I like feeling you clench around me when you come.”

“Oh, yes,” I said, “I guess even dolls and playthings get to come when their owner wants them to, huh?” They nodded encouragingly, and I held the vibrator to my clit. Everything felt amazing, but I just wasn’t getting there. They asked if I needed to switch to the Hitachi and I nodded, they picked it up and pressed it against me, flipping the switch. They started playing with where they put it, teasing the almost-too-sensitive head of my clit. I must have made a sound or a face orsomething then, because they stopped and asked what I needed. ”Could I hold the Hitachi, please, Sir? Just so I can come once? You can torture me with it after if you’d like…” They agreed and handed me the wand.

When I did come (the first time at least), it was amazing. My orgasms have been super intense lately and I don’t know why, though I’m not complaining.

They kept fucking me, pausing occasionally to slap my tits or bite my thigh. It continued to feel amazing, and after a little while they had me get out a new dildo I’d recently acquired so we could try it out. It’s bright and colorful, with a sharp curve, and it’s kind of…pokey. It was hard to take it very deep, as the end was pokey enough to actually hurt, so they pulled back, rocking the tip against mygspot. They worked mygspot and pressed the Hitachi to my clit, and I came more, until I lost count of the orgasms. Finally, I was gasping that I felt like I was going to squirt, and they pulled out the dildo and pressed down with the Hitachi. I cried out as I squirted, not really noticing or caring that I was just laying on the bed with no Fascinator or even a towel under me. When it seemed like I was done squirting, they shifted the wand and suddenly even more liquid was pouring out of me, splashing against the bed, and Garnet was laughing delightedly. ”You totally just pissed the bed!” they said when it was over.

“What? Did I?” I asked.

“Yeah, can’t you smell that?” They were grinning. I sniffed. It definitely smelled like pee, and the second rush of liquid had felt distinctly different from the first, when I’d definitely beensquirting. I was laying in a puddle of my own piss. And I’d come so much that I wasn’t sure I could move. Garnet laughed at me more, telling me how dirty I was, what a slut. They examined the bite mark bruise that was already coming up on my thigh. I love bruises from their bite marks.

And, of course, I have to write about it here every time we play or have sex. Which includes writing about pissing on the bed, and myself, which is maybe causing me to blush right now.

Like I said, there’s a lot going on right now, but so much of it is good.

So when they asked if I wanted to help them in the shower, even though I’d just taken a bath, like, the night before, I was pretty eager to help. I stripped and hopped into the shower behind them, my hair tied back to keep it from getting too wet.

I shampooed their hair, trying to make it as pleasant and relaxing as possible. Then I pulled on the scrubby gloves and lathered up with the tea tree oil soap they like. (Seriously, those scrubby shower gloves are, like, my favorite thing ever.) I feel like I write a lot about body service type stuff, but without really articulating what it’s like/why I’m so into it. The scrubby gloves in particular really emphasize it for me–it’s super intimate. I love Garnet’s body, which is delicious and curvy, and I love the way their skin feels and smells, and obviously I love touching them. But I especially enjoy doing things like that to give them a feeling of luxury, to make them feel good. To take care of them.

I feel like I’m really terrible at articulating this, but it just pushes all my submissive and service buttons.

I was crouched by their feet, running my soapy gloved hands over their calves and feet when they indicated that I should give their bits some attention with my mouth. I was very happy to do so. I pressed my mouth to them, licking and sucking at them, feeling like I was being such a good girl. They twined their hand in my hair, pressing me closer, while I sucked at their clit and they pushed and ground against my mouth, basically fucking my face. They asked me to finger them, so I pulled off one of the gloves and slipped two fingers inside, pressing against that firm, textured spot inside them. The sound of their breath and the occasional moanabove me encouraged me, and I was getting really into a submissive headspace, moaning and whimpering against them while I licked and sucked at their delicious bits. (At one point I got so into what I was doing with my mouth that I completely forgot to do anything with the fingers inside them, and they smacked me in the arm and admonished me to move my hand, so I was maybe not a very good girl.) After a little while they pulled away.

I started to stand and they pushed me back down to a kneeling position. ”I didn’t say you could get up,” they scolded, and I apologized. After a moment’s pause, they angled their hips a bit and began to piss, the hot liquid pouring over my tits for a second before they grabbed my hair and pushed my face back against their bits. I lapped at them eagerly, drinking everything down until they pushed me away.

I was practically dizzy withheadspacey feelings after that, and it took me a second to respond when they asked if I needed to get under the shower spray to get clean. ”Yes, please,” I said, and they pulled me to my feet and wrapped their arms around me while I stood for a minute until I was rinsed off.