Fashion Week

Since day one, I’ve always ran this blog with a purpose. Many purposes as a matter of fact. One of them was to find a way to allow my creativity to run its course in the best way that it could. Another was to help me find focus in terms of my strengths (and the areas that I wanted to make even stronger) in styling, writing and creative direction. But what I can sometimes say that I love even more than creating is sharing . . . to inspire others . . . to bond over similar ideas, motivations and thought processes. What I found through blogging was a path towards finding my uniqueness and my originality. These were the two most important things that I learned that I should never try to erase for the sake of fitting in on this so-called digital realm. As a matter of fact, these were the exact things that helped me stick out. It’s funny, because on the day-to-day, we never really think about the things that set us a part. We spend so much time just trying to get our jobs done, we forget why the individual aspect of what we do is so important. Why sometimes people can be said to have a calling to do what they do, because for them nothing else makes sense. And they don’t even have to know exactly why that is true. That doing what we do, and why we do it, can be the most special thing of all. And these special sort of things are meant to be shared, on different levels of course (some more personal than others), but shared nonetheless because someway, somehow, it will make a difference for somewhere out there. Even if that is just one person.

We just came out of a publicized (and very, very digital) celebration of International Women’s Day. But of course, every single day, and especially so in the past few years, has continuously felt as special as yesterday did. In a way, each day kept leading up to the next one in the most powerful way. Over and over again. As I grew older, my realization of my strengths and emotions grew stronger. Everyday I wanted more. I expected more out of myself. And with this sort of in-tune with oneself perspective, there is no real end goal. The process is endless and relentless. It’s a continuous sort of growth that never stops. Much like the growth of support amongst the women in this world who are coming forward strong and speaking loud and clear. We as woman know what we want and the way to get what we want. It’s hard not to listen to us for we are so great in numbers and our actions speak tenfold. And we never can stop even when what we say or do seems to go in one ear and out the other of the patriarchy that we see ourselves as equals of (even if they don’t make us feel that way most of the time). We’ll show them the ways we are that they don’t make us feel, and we’ll show them that we are worth every damn cent put into us. And we’ll never stop doing what we love, even when people make it harder for us to do so every single day.

So now I just want to get to what I originally wanted to say about setting sights with a purpose. To spread love and support and creativity on this online realm is one of the most important things to me right now. To surround myself with women of passion even if I just admire them from afar, my sister, my mother, thoughtful and likeminded women I meet unexpectedly, the few fellow bloggers who have become some of my best friends even from across the world, the one’s who were inspired to reach for their dreams by visiting my site and spreading their vision in their own ways. These are the kinds of women in our lives we should be thinking about and supporting and letting them know how we feel. We as women need to stop comparing each other and scrutinizing to the point where walls are built up between us. These kind of walls just make us weaker. Instead how about we create a unified wall together? The Women’s Marches are a perfect example of that. Not how about we take that mindset and infuse it into our daily, personal relationships? How much we drive each other positively is so important to the future of our success, not just as individuals, but as a part of the human race. Keep note on the daily, even on days that seem to not be going exactly as planned, to never give up on pursuing life thoughtfully, substantially, passionately and genuinely. And that goes for every relationship. Cutting out the bad to make room for all the good. Cheers to all the women, and especially my sister Natalie who sticks with me even on the most tough and annoying of days, who remind me to keep my head up and my back straight.

When I wear Anna Sui, I feel absolutely invincible. In the way that the lead singer of a rock band feels when he or she performs on stage. Attending the Anna Sui show this past NYFW just reiterated my love for Anna’s aesthetics, which is grounded so deeply in music and rings so true of her passion for it. You feel the beat in the bones of her designs. The way they move down the runway. The way they shimmer in the light. They layer together in a way that gives light on what is beneath all the way to the bottom. Every single texture speaks boldly and confidently like a tune you can’t get out of your hair. The past is her muse . . . but so much of the future is felt when I see Anna’s designs float (or should I say sashay) down the runway. Every season is a literal transport to a story in time that existed once, but can be touched upon again through the threads put on one’s shoulders. That’s the beauty of Anna’s retelling. She doesn’t change the story in history . . . she sheds light with her own perspective. What I feel when I view her collections is that no matter how history rolls out, the idea of playing to the beat of one’s own drum should never be lost. And that perspective is the coolest thing ever. Long live Anna Sui, the woman who made me care about the clothes I put on my body when I was a pre-teen, and the feeling they gave me when I walked out the door.

Everybody is talking about that feeling of gaining that first spring back into one’s step around this time of the year. When the weather shifts, and all of a sudden hope seems to be popping up out of every hidden corner. The sun, the warmth, a feeling of something brand new even more new than the other brand new that we thought we just had. The energy changes and all of a sudden we are shaken up in a way different than when we were ringing in the new year with expectations of all sorts just two months ago. Was it really only two months ago?! And now here we are, spring around the corner, and some of those expectations may or may not have fallen even lower. But for some reason, at least for me, right now in between seasons of a desolate winter and an approachable spring, there seems to be no reason to skip a step or lose a beat. My experiences and the happenings of the past two months of my life I have found were never predictors of my future. Because I know and believe that things can change in an instant, for both the good and for the bad. So instead I looked at the last two months in a way that showed me a taste of what could or could not come . . . bits and pieces of an entire spectrum of possibilities (some that maybe I did not even think of before or never felt like I could ever be ready for). It’s easy in today’s day and age of competition and distractions and frustrations and road blocks and self consciousness, to turn a blind eye to the possibilities that seem impossible. In a way, turning a blind eye to these things is like turning what feels invisible even more invisible. Throwing them away as if not an ounce of life could thrust forth from within them. I think I knew I have finally become an adult when I stopped throwing the idea of these sort of possibilities away. The impossible sort of possibilities, if that makes sense. And as I held onto them longer, the stronger I started to feel. Happier, like the marigold color of this jacket I’m wearing in this post. And now here I go again, turning the color of my clothes into a real life feeling. Holding onto bits of sunshine and comparing it to something like looking hope right in the face and handing myself right over to it, and saying whatever it all is that is meant to cross my path, I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready for what shows up on my doorstep. And I’ll be ready for what doesn’t show up at all. And like that, no longer do I feel like a prisoner to old expectations.

It seemed impossible to continue to keep on falling for a man from thousands of miles away, but still my heart has never beaten faster and I can’t image that happening for me with anyone else. It seemed impossible a year ago that true friends who really got my back could exist in this cutthroat industry (not to mention city), but that was only because I kept letting the one’s who made me feel down around too long. I may count my closest friends on only one hand and maybe an extra thumb nowadays, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It seemed impossible to feel fresh and renewed at the age of 29 after years of the daily grind, but today I’ve never felt my best. It’s like just yesterday I was 18. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll be 17. It’s easy to feel young when living doesn’t feel like a 9-5 job. I was looking into making my first home purchase on a whim a few weeks ago, stressed and forced because of lack of time, only to lose out on it. Will it ever be possible to get such a deal again? Should I have fought for that harder? But deep down inside I know with all my heart that something better for me is meant to come along. And so it is absolutely possible to have no regrets. Because something new is always waiting on the other side. As long as you see it that way.

And so here I go, wearing my FEELS in the form of a marigold coat that makes me feel as full of worth as gold, a sunshine yellow dress with a fit that reminds me why being a woman is incomparable to anything else, and a fuschia pink top just for the heck of it to represent my love for hope and the possibility of love itself in every sort of situation (and to not freeze to death on the streets of NYC even though both this top and coat together are actually not really cutting it AT ALL . . . but hey it was fashion week).

There was something about red lately that kept me incorporating in many of my fashion week outfits. A color that I have usually been most fearful of because of its drama factor (I’m known to be a very non dramatic person). Maybe I’ve just been in more of a bold mood lately. A mood that makes taking chances feels more second nature and effortless. A mood that makes me not care whether the decisions I make make turn heads or not. A mood that makes stepping through life in pursuit of something great, and that something can be something you don’t exactly have your fingertip on. And boy you can be sure that something is meant to be special, whatever the heck it is. That’s how I stepped into this NYFW. I felt unstoppable. Not guarded. Just overflowing with energy. And just simply making the most of it as much as I could. Even with blisters on my feet, and my nose nearly frozen off, and the mud marks on my barely worn YSL pumps. There was something there that kept me going. A something that was maybe lacking in seasons before. Maybe that something was confidence. A gradual bump up from last year; gradual but the difference was substantially felt. Here’s to making changes, and feeling bold and recognizing all these sort of things. And maybe not recognizing them all exactly, but at least a note of them, a hint of them. Those little notes and hints can be the drive behind it all. And so I’ll let these red shoes kept carrying me along.