What parents must know about play dates

Parents need ground rules about play-dates to avoid confrontations, stress, or embarrassment when their children are out of their supervision at other people's homes.

The ground rules of play dates should be established well ahead of time to avoid difficulties when invitations are extended or children begin begging and parents don't have time to make the considered decisions they would like.

Explain to your children that play-dates will not go ahead if you are put on the spot

Being asked for a play-date in front of other people's children (or parents) can create pressure for parents who may be uncomfortable about their children playing with people they do not know well.

Explain to your children when play-dates CAN be arranged

It may be your preference that your children play only at certain times due to other activities and commitments. Discuss this with your children to avoid spontaneous pleas for play.

Teach your children what circumstances might preclude their playing at someone's home

Children must be taught to look after their own safety at other people's homes. One mother taught her daughter that it was never appropriate to play in bedrooms when at another person's home. A father taught his daughter that she was never to be alone with a male, whether it was a big brother or an adult, when she visited friends' homes to play. It's up to you to teach what you think is safe for your child and to help them maintain safe play dates.

Discuss your values and standards with your children

Explicitly teaching standards to your children helps them to make their own decisions about spending time with other people. If your child is visiting another person's home, he or she should know what is acceptable in your family and be taught how to deal with a difficult situation if it occurs in their friends' home.

Teach your children that if they are ever in difficulty or uncomfortable, they should call you immediately

The courage to take action is vital. Ensure that your child knows how to contact you, and if things don't work out well at a play-date, that she is able to.

A few other brief ideas that can influence your decision to have play-dates may include:

talking with the parent of your child's friend and discussing your values and standards with them (especially regarding computer and television use)

considering whether you should stay for the play-date (especially if you have younger children)

where you are most comfortable having the play-date's“ at another home or perhaps only in a more public place like a park or indoor play centre

asking who will be in the home and watching the children.

Many of these topics can be confronting, but with a smile, a laugh about how protective you are as a parent, and a direct approach, most parents will happily accommodate your standards and do what they can to foster friendship between your children and theirs.

A brief word on sleepovers

Some parents are very uncomfortable with sleepovers, others feel pressure to allow their children to participate despite their discomfort, and other parents think sleepovers are a terrific idea. It is up to you to discuss the issue with your children, and again, make up your mind ahead of time so as not to be put on the spot.

Sleepovers can be great fun, but they also present significant risks. Children are less likely to be supervised during sleepovers, they may be exposed to unsavoury media images, and are potentially more susceptible to abuse. While such scenarios are unlikely in most homes, communicating your concerns appropriately to your child (or other parents) will usually result in understanding. Many parents will even agree with you!

This article was written for Kidspot by Justin Coulson, Ph. D. Justin is a relationships and parenting expert, author and father of five children. Find him on Facebook, Twitter, and at happyfamilies.com.au.

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