Thanks! I really liked the idea of the Destroyers from SCP-1050, and this tale is the result of trying to figure out a way to make them more menacing than most of the stuff the Foundation comes across.

In a way, it's sort of meta. The Destroyers are sort of the "cancer" that often inflicts boards like SCP Wiki; the magic sometimes just is gone, and what's left is just a pale, dead imitation of what used to be.

Not to say that SCP Wiki is dying! (I love this place, and they have excellent quality control.) I've just seen good writing boards die from their own success, and this is sort of a piece about that.

It's from Mass Effect, the Reapers are giant semi-alien, semi-biological, and semi-artificial constructs that live in dark space and periodically exterminate sapient life so they don't get killed by their own creations. Indoctrination is a process that strips away a sapient creatures free will and creativity, prolonged exposure leads to mindless drones dependent on the Reaper for basic instructions.

A person suffering from Indoctrination will experience memory loss, lack of focus, loss of memories, loss of personality, depression, nightmares, and if the victim can resist long enough to retain concious control despite the mental damage done they will typically turn to suicide as the effects of a Reaper invasion/Indoctrination are irreversible.

Hmmm, but what if it was the GOC, who'd somehow figured out a way to rewrite reality to not just destroy all the anomalies, but make it so they never were? And they knew that it would result in the world becoming a dreary, dull place, but they though the price was worth it.

Oh, and the thing about Uganda. Is that in reference to some existing article?

I suppose that's a good plot hook in the future, using the GOC as a foil, but I don't see them really going so far as true "scorched Earth" tactic… I think their leaders fit better as a "power-seeking" few that manipulate their lower ranks under the guise of "eliminating all occult threats" than really wanting a "magic-less" world.

As for Uganda, I pulled a random nation to give a more global feel for the Foundation's efforts rather than any specific reference. It was to show that the agent writing the doc was experienced and had "been around" to give him some flavor rather than have him or her say that "I'm so experienced and I've been in the shit". Nothing more than that, I'm afraid.

Those filthy piles of flesh and cloth are the most abhorrent, disgusting things in all of existence.. But at least they ARE things. The nothingness would obliterate me as well, and they are but a barrier to be kept up.

Eh… This isn't terrible, but it's pretty much just a generic, paint-by-the-numbers apocalypse tale with some kinda 'eh' Jung references. I like the genre, but really want something more from stories than what's here. Doesn't have to be a lot, but… Something.

Fair enough; I'll be the first to admit that it was a somewhat conservative first attempt. Mostly this was an exercise in style, formatting and to explore the idea of "The Destroyers" as something more than an overpowered alien threat.

If I may ask: what did you like? What left you feeling flat? What would you have done differently? I genuinely would like feedback, because I haven't stretched my writing muscles in years, and was wanting to get back into it. I'd actually love some real criticism that I could work from, and I'm comfortable enough in myself that I can handle honest talk.

If I may ask: what did you like? What left you feeling flat? What would you have done differently?

Well, … most of it left me feeling flat. The romanticization, the suicide, the use of Jungian archetype, the plotline, the use of PTSD symptoms - 'dead inside', 'something just… gone from their eyes', and references to commonly known genocides… the way you use all these elements is pretty generic.

I did like that the narrator really believed in what they were doing at the Foundation, and I liked the reflections on what humanity lost (the specific examples helped). And I like the first line, even though I absolutely don't like the suicide. Too obvious in the way it's done.

EDIT: As for the writing itself, I didn't feel an impact either (minus the opening lines). I would agree with Clef's critique, though I was less cognizant of those factors than he was.