Monday, July 22, 2013

Perfect for short leg

It should be obvious by now that Australia’s First XI must
take the first step toward redemption by sacking Michael Clarke and appointing
Kevin Rudd as captain. While he might not be able to match the current leader’s
batting average, it speaks in his favour that he has never been romantically
involved with Lara Bingle – proof that he is at least somewhat more intelligent
than the younger man, who cannot be given out without squandering yet another pointless
appeal to the Third Umpire. If Rudd were to don the baggy green, Fairfax and the
ABC could then report his every rash and ill-considered stroke as examples of
genius. We might (no doubt will) still lose the next Test, but Australians would never have to
endure the ignominy of hearing reports that our best had been bettered yet again by a bunch
of pasty, hollow-chested Poms raised on diets of warm beer, baked beans and boarding school sodomy.

No doubt others will point this out Prof, but this amusing piece is based on a misconception about the LBW rule. To quote Wikipedia, "[t]he basis of the law is that, following an appeal by the fielding side, the umpire may rule a batsman out lbw if the ball would have struck the wicket but was intercepted by any part of the batsman's body except the hand holding his bat".

Re baseball, I think that at one point, possibly during WW2, a one-armed man played in the major leagues. Cricket Australia could not do any worse.

Your tag "and if it doesn't work PNG can have 'em" might well be adopted for general use to describe a gigantic snafu. Just as "knitted the kangaroo" is becoming our equivalent to "jumped the shark".

1. Chap named Peter Gray, of the St Louis Browns in 1945,http://www.baseballlibrary.com/ballplayers/player.php?name=Pete_Gray_19152. And the statutary involvement by Abbott:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Abbott