Thursday, August 5, 2010

I see a lot of people out there are wagging their tongues about Lady M deserting Big Guy on his alleged 49th birthday. First off, Big Guy wasn’t home alone in Chicago: he took little Bo with him:

Little Bo, boarding Air Force Won for Chicago visit. Like they say, if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

Secondly, Big Guy had a swell birthday party at swanky Chi-town restaurant Graham Elliot with Valarie, Oprah, Gayle King and 2 other unnamed “friends.”

Jack Sprat and Oprah, leaving after the alleged birthday party

I feel compelled to clear the air. It’s not that Lady M didn’t want to spend Big Guy’s “birthday” with him back in the ‘hood from whence they came. It’s just that Toes really wanted to downplay Big Guy’s “birthday” altogether. As you know, we have real official looking “papers” claiming that this is Big Guy’s birthday, but every time some one looks at them up close, it just raises all those pesky questions again, like why Big Guy’s mom’s passport records from his alleged birth year have mysteriously disappeared? And then there are those pesky Kenyan newspaper claims (via Don Surber) about Big Guy being born in Kenya. All lies of course, but I presume you see the wisdom of Toes’ redirection.

So Lady M volunteered to take a “vacation” in Spain on his “birthday” to deflect focus on the celebration of the alleged blessed event. And I think the ploy has worked pretty well. Now everyone’s talking about MO’s extraordinarily good taste, physique and “cleansing” regime which doesn’t involve beets, organic or otherwise.

LHJ, in which Lady M speaks out on the value of “cleansing”

But here’s the real headline from this official-combined-with-personal trip: “Lady M ends racism in Spain upon her arrival.” It’s true! Coincident with MO’s arrival, the U.S. Consulate lifted the warning to travelers to Spain that "racist prejudices" could lead to the arrest of African-Americans who visit the country. Wow! All Lady M has to do is show up and voila! Another post-racial, post-partisan society is born! We’ve really got to package this. Oh wait, we have!

Not that there isn’t still some controversy swirling around Lady M’s visit to sunny España. Apparently not everyone here approves of the stimulus MO gave the local economy prior to her arrival. They paved roads, planted trees and otherwise spiffed up the Mob joint a bit. Some people, including Socialist congressman, Juan Luis Rascon, complained that Spaniards should be "more natural and behave less like hicks. Idolatry and servility do not sit well with a dignified democracy." Hmmm. Luis sounds like a socialist trouble maker, no?

Now, before I get back to our private Spa pool, let me just address the haters out there who are complaining that 8 vacations in one summer is too many for our FLOTUS to take in the middle of a deep recession; let me just point out that Lady M pays for all of her non-official, personal expenses. So far, that includes the breath mints,Tums and Sasha’s barrettes.