I was reviewing for the House Cup, when I saw the summary to your story and just had to check it out. It was just so interesting, since the summary gave away very little. So I did not know what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised.

You're really good at descriptions. The first two paragraphs were so well described, that I saw the whole place in my head. Your words just flow, and you create beautiful images. And I'm so jealous of that, because I actually struggle with descriptions myself. But you're really good at it.

I loved how you chose to have an OC as your main character. When I started reading the story, I though she was actually talking about the Battle of Hogwarts and The Second Wizarding War, but then she mentioned Frank and Alice and I understood. But it was really interesting seeing it from the perspective of someone other then those we know from the book to be fighting in the first war. And I really liked how you could see her struggling after the war - that the memory of Alice and Frank's torture still haunts her, and she's not the same person anymore. I think it's really believable that she'd go through something like that after having experienced something so traumatic.

So to sum up, it was well-written, believable and your description was flawless. You're definitely a talented writer.

- Lotte

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hello! :D

I just love these kind of summaries! I think they are pretty effective, so I never leave a chance to use them for my stories. I'm so happy you liked this! :)

Thanks! Description is always a very tricky part and it takes me a lot of time to get it just right, so I'm glad you thought I was good. :) I used to be poor at descriptions and imagery, so I know how problematic that part can be. :)

Yeah, we just never think about the OCs that might have lost their everything during the wars. That was the motivation behind this story.

Hi there! I'm here reviewing for the house cup! Stories like this, with summaries which don't give a lot of information away, really intrigue me and I loved this when I got to read it!

The description in this piece was great, and I really felt like you managed to introduce your OC to me and I got a grasp on Ilena Willows' character and personality in just 500 words, which is really impressive! It conjured up some very vivid images and I felt really sorry for Ilena as I read this. It wasn't exactly nice to read how much pain she was suffering, because obviously she's been through a lot - I loved the mention of Frank and Alice which helped to anchor the story into canon - but I thought you wrote it brilliantly. The only bit of CC I'd suggest is that your first three paragraphs all start in exactly the same way - 'Ilena Willows' - which feels a bit repetitive. But other than that it was great and I thought that you wrote and explored the effects of war on a previously unknown character really well, which is great since it shows how many people were affected by the war.

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hello Sian! I was so happy to see this sweetly unexpected review! :D

Yes, summaries of that kind fascinate me too. Most of my one-shots have summaries like that and I have to spend like ages to get them just right. But yes, they are the best. :)

Thank you! Writing in just 500 words was pretty tough, especially because this story was about a particular character and a state of mind. But it was fun and a whole new experiance. I think As authors, we all should be flexible about our word counts. Right?

Yeah, I sort of did that on purpose. Does that sound too repititive? PM me if you think so. I'll definitely change it.

Hello! About the review swap, I've been pretty busy too, so when I logged on again after posting about the swap, I had two unanswered reviews, and two comments on the status. My second review was from someone very new who hadn't put any stories up, and I just thought they didn't understand what I had meant by review swap, so I didn't even check who had replied. Lol. This is a surprise, and I'm glad I got to read this story. +]

Ok, this was very well done. The pacing is perfect, and you managed to create a very vivid picture and tone with your words. I love the 500 word count stories. You've managed to create a dynamic and interesting piece, an actual deep story. Congratulations! I don't really have any CC, sorry.

Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey! :D

I can totally understand! These confusions happen a lot to me too. :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! It is extremely hard to write a one-shot with just 500 words, so the nice reviews I receive for Changed are a bit more comforting. :)

In the first paragraph - I say you did a very lovely job starting it off. It's like watching you paint the scene literally!

The second paragraph is quite intriguing. It shows how I feel. Being alone has its benefits. It's relaxing and nice, and you described very well here. ^_^

Reading the third paragraph - I loved how you transitioned Ileanna from a normal girl - to a woman who's been through a lot without going into too much details (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) But you showed that we as people [whether old or young] all may be fortunate now, but everything can be taken away in just in a blink of an eye. So yeah. :)

In the fourth paragraph, you brought an eerie haunting to your character - it was greatly written in such a small paragraph. I applaud you for that! :D

And towards the end - you did a marvelous job leaving a deep meaning... and just the depth of last sentence - I have to admit, you packed a punch.

I definitely give you a million kudos for being able to manage this insight of a broken woman in only 500 words.

I want to do it myself, but I keep finding myself doing less or more. :(

But anyways, great work! Good job indeed!

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hello Alishya! It was nice to meet you. :)

I really liked your reviewing style. You write your review as you read right? I think it gives a more descriptive and kind od true feedback to a story .

I'm so glad you enjoyed the whole thing! It was a bit hard to fit everything in just 500 words at the beginning and I also had to edit this quite a few times, but it was loads easier than I had thought it would be. :)

I loved this story. Your summary doesn't really let the reader on to what they should be expecting when they read this story. It does however make them want to see what is inside. Which is a fantastic read. I think that you do a really fantastic job of incorporating both detail and emotion into such a short story. The idea of only being able to write 500 words terrifies me. I can't even do a chapter under 1000.

I love the amount of description you put into the setting and the characterization. You make them blend so perfectly and I think that's a skill to be admired. A lot of people, myself included, struggle to incorporate the detail of the setting with the characters. So bravo!

I love review swap because you never know what you're going to get. Thanks for a fantastic read!

xoxo LL

P.S. I said fantastic a lot.. whoopsie!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm so glad you liked the summary! I love one-lined catchy summaries and I tried to use them myself too. :) I thought a short summary would go lovely with the plot.

Thanks! Maybe I could fit everything in 500 words as I am always comfortable with short word counts. I'm not a descriptive person and I always end up writing chapter in 800 words and then go add more descriptions and detail. :P

This was short and sweet, and I liked it. Well, not sweet. It was pretty depressing, I won't lie.

I like the idea about Ileana becoming an entirely different person. She doesn't care how she looks anymore. She doesn't care how other people look. She just wants to forget what happened to her and her friends and live her life. And I can respect that.

This was really good. I guess the challenge was to write a short SHORT story? Well, you definitely did that. :P And I think you did a good job. It was interesting, and I wouldn't have really minded it being just a bit longer. :)

Thanks for doing a review swap with me. :)

~Smit

Author's Response: Haha, no it definitely wasn't a sweet one-shot. ;) But still, I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought that I was able to fit everything in the short word count.

The change in Illeana is the focal point of the story, so I'm happy to hear it was believable and you liked it. :) Some incidents can change a person completely, like the one I set up in the story.

Well, the challenge was to fit everything in just 500 words, our minimum word count. I thought this story might have been boring if it was longer, so I used the plot for this challenge, but I'm always happy to hear you wanted to keep reading. :)

So I'm always impressed when I see someone managed to do the Every Word Counts challenge, which is why I chose this to review. I wrote a 500 word story for the QTR halloween competition and it almost killed me! But, just liked with 'Creeper', you really show a talent for making the most of a short amount of words. This is perfect for the every word counts challenge - you really do utilise every single one of your 500 words to make a really touching story!

I absolutely loved your character. She had such a fragile sadness about her that was fascinating to read. You gave her a really distinct personality even in such a short amount of words.

Your description is beautiful too! I loved this line:

Her perfectly straight blonde locks, her crimson lips, electric blue eyes, perfect figure and style. She was a sensation! Now she was skinny, pale, and grim-faced. Her blonde strands hung lifeless over her shoulders.

It really shows the changing effect war can have on people that doesn't end, even when the good side may win.

Well done, this was an awesome story, especially in so few words!

~Maia

Author's Response: I am always comfortable with short word counts! I strongly believe that a story should be short and simple, so maybe that's why I manage to fit everything in 500 words. The plot was meant for a short word count too, so it all matched perfectly. :)

I'm so glad you like Illeana! She's one of my favorite original characters, so I love it when people pay her compliments!

Thank you for the lovely review, dear! I'm currently writing a sequel to Changed, so keep your eyes peeled for that. ;)

You really get across her pain and how regretful she feels over the incident.

Cannons

Author's Response: Hi there! :)
I'm glad you thought I used to words wisely. I was a bit unsure about that! So it's a relief that you thought this was well written. =]
Thanks for the lovely review!
Ashwini

This is a really poignant and well written oneshot. Every word really does count xD You utilise every one really well, and it all comes together to tell a great little story that has a lot of impact.

I think you use sentence lengths very well too, they are so well wrought that it reads very dramatically but the character comes across as a very quiet, broken voice.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there! It was really nice to wake up and see this lovely review of yours waiting for me. :)
It's really hard to fit everything in 500 words so I had to edit this several times to get a satisfying result. I can't explain how glad I am to hear that every word does count!
Thanks for the wonderful review!
Ashwini

I think this is so beautiful! I mean, all of these every word count challenge entries are. I think it's great that you've challenged yourself to work within boundaries because I think it really helps develop description skills.

I love her quiet sadness. I would actually love to read a short story or something about this character! I think it's very interesting that she left the life of an Order member to become just a muggle teacher.

It would be great to see the scene with her Frank and Alice, although it would be horrible to imagine. I've never even heard of the concept that someone else might have been in the room while it was happening.

The only thing I didn't like about this was the paragraph about how she changed from school. I feel like you used much better and descriptive words throughout your story. That paragraph seemed a bit juvenile for some reason. It didn't feel like the same narrator was speaking.

Overall, I really liked it! I think your writing is definitely promising and I really would enjoy watching you grow.

Author's Response: Hey there! :)
Thank you so much! The challenge of writing a one shot of such a short length was really challenging but fun. Illeana is inspired from the interview I watched on the TV. It was a survivor's interview and it touched my heart.
As I was sure about what Illeana would be like, it was easy to describe her through her life. Though I went through the chapter again and really found the paragraph you mentioned a bit off. I'll edit it later.
Thanks for the lovely review! You really helped a lot. :D

I must apoligise, for I;m not able to send reviews while signed in for some reason :S
Anyway, on to the review... the length took me by surprise. Then I went back read the summary and realised that you'd written this for The every Word Counts challenge.
Kudos to you! It's something I've always wanted to do, but I've never really managed it. I'm planning one right now... And it's really really difficult! So I admire you for this.
I really loved the descriptions you've used. it adds to the overall angsty feel of the story and it made me feel her pain. I can't imagine having to live through that, having seen and been through everything she's been through. You did a great job of describing her emotions here.
There were a couple of things I REALLY liked and I thought that they stood out from the rest of the story!
"How could she forget the way they grabbed the ground, trying not to scream? The pain in their eyes?" This really hit me. I empathized with her and the Longbottoms, but at the same time, I felt a little bit of anger when she spoke about her selfishness. But I love how you've written her. It makes her more real, and it's probably the choice most of us would have made.
" her soul found peace in the silence. Because the silence punished her for every single moment. She found peace in punishments too."
This line too was really powerful. It conveyed to the reader just how much she actually repented her actions, how guilt had washed over her, prompting her to start over, as a whole new person.
One bit of CC. the line about how looks didn't matter in the war or order slightly trivialized the issue here. War is a big thing, and I thought that that particular line might have taken away from it slightly,

Overall, a great story! You have a talent for description. :)

Author's Response: Hi! It's great that you want to try your hand at the Every Word Counts challenge. It does seem a bit hard first, but it's pretty easy when you have the plot ready in your mind. =]
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the descriptions. As the plot and Illeana's characterization was perfectly understood by me, it was easy to describe her. Will go through the chapter again and edit it surely. =]
Thanks for the lovely review! It really made my day. :D

I love reading entries from the Every Word Counts challenge, so I couldn't resist!

I like how this is just a snapshot of what life is like for Ileana. All her reminiscing about the past, and very few mentions of the future suggest to me that she's still stuck there.

I liked the way you opened this with that descriptive paragraph. Aside from being an exercise in descriptive writing, it really helped to set the scene and the mood of the piece.

I enjoyed this! Well done! I'd love to read more stuff like this.

Author's Response: Sorry for responding late dear! My non hpff life is currently so hectic that I didn't have any time... But I had read it and I loved it! :)
Thanks for the compliments and the lovely review!

Oh wow. That's so sad to think about! You've used your 500 words well here, though I think the description in the introduction could have been cut down just a little bit to make room for more introspection on Ileana's part. Of the first four sentences, three focus on the way the sun looks, which is beautiful description, but I'm more interested in the story of Ileana's role in Alice and Frank's torturings. It brings up questions such as why she was there in the first place, and why Alice and Frank were trying to protect her.

Even so, you have a beautiful way of describing things, and for 500 words, you've given a ton of information. Good work!

Author's Response: Hello!
I know its pretty angsty and sad, but that's what I wanted to try. I had written 560 words first and then edited everything, but I loved the first descriptions so much that I just couldn't cut them off. :P Sorry if it seems odd to you!
But you're kind of right, I should describe more about Ileana. Maybe I'd edit everything out soon.
Thanks for stopping by! :D

Wow, this was really sad and I think you made a great choice of putting it in third person as I felt liked I was really able to view her and take her in and understand her emotions clearer. I also liked the fact that there was no dialogue - it almost made it more haunting and hollow because of it and really helped make the angst side of the story more prominent. I just felt so sorry that she'd had to endure it and now suffered even after it.

Your descriptions were lovely too, I really liked the way you talked about how she had cried her heart out because that seemed to true and open and overall, heartbreaking. That last line was really good and sounded it off, great job!

Author's Response: Hi!
I'm happy you were able to understand her feelings. =] I'm not fond of first person at all. It's hard to write first person. I had avoided dialogues just to fit everything in 500 words but looks like it turned out to be good! :P
Aah, relieved you liked my descriptions! I was once so bad at them that a compliment for them means a lot to me.
Thanks for leaving such a wonderful review! :D

I absolutely commend anyone who can write a one shot in 500 words so firstly, well done for that!

I thought this was brilliant. Spelling and grammar were great. What captured me most though we're your descriptions, they were simple yet very effective.
I liked that you linked this to Neville's parents being touted and how it completely changed your characters perspective on things.
Really great job :)

Author's Response: Hi there!
I too used to wonder how authors around here write one-shots in just 500 words. But when you begin to write one yourself, you find it challenging and fun.
The Alice and Frank part came to my head at the last minute. I had written about two unmentioned Order members first, but then I thought mentioning Alice and Frank would be more realistic.
Thanks for the lovely review! You don't know how much it means to me. :D

It makes sense to me that someone whose experienced what your main character has would hide from the world. Would punish herself for being a coward. It shows how much the war and the event affected her. I mean, i think if anyone is faced with that decisions to save oneself or your friends and they chose oneself it's going to leave them hollow afterwards. Or, at the very least, questioning who they are. I liked how you rolled that into this story. How she's doing penitence for her regret and it makes me think like it is easy for us to make the decision that of course we'd chose to stand up and fight for our friends but when you're actually in that situation I can't imagine it being as easy as that.

I wish there could be more and I almost feel like having a bit longer story would have made this a little more impacting. Sometimes it is hard to get the emotion and the horror really apparent in such a small amount of words. You spent a quite a lot of time describing her looks and the beauty around her. Sometimes horror relies on the way you use words and how you describe these things. The hopefulness of some bits of this (how you describe the autumn, the colour of the sunlight etc) negate the horror that she went through a little.

I don't mean to say this isn't a good story because it is. I think you've done a nice job at capturing an OC's role in the war and the pressures that people face, namely my life or theirs? Really lovely work, thank you so much for entering my challenge! i really enjoy being introduced to this piece!

Author's Response: Hello!
First of all, thanks for the wonderful challenge. It was hard to fit everything in 500 words, so I was afraid the story wasn't effective enough. Your review made my day! :)
I know I should've written more, but at the same time, I wanted to try my hand at the Every Word Counts challenge. =]