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There is a substantial penalty that we have to pay because we are paying the mortgage out early. Should I ....

A: Split this penalty with douchebag 50/50. This infuriates me because of what's happened. I don't feel that I should be fair in splitting this with him. He's the one that wanted a divorce so he could find his own "happiness". One month later his 22 year old Twinkie is pregnant! The sensible side of me says "get him the fuck out of your life".

B: Have the lawyer hold on to the proceeds until we can come to an understanding. This could take a while since he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong.

Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada

movingforward13♀ 38405Member # 38405

Posted: 6:38 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013

Can you afford the loss? I would do anything to be free of him before the baby comes if possible.

If it was me I would go with B. It is the principle of the matter. Why should I have to pay for his road to happiness?

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 5:17 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

A.
Think of it as a garbage removal fee and move on.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 5:37 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

A - unless its money that would make a significant difference.

If not then just get it done and dusted.

You won't get justice via courts. Just legal bills, drama, contact and prolonging this hideous ride.

Pregnant 22 year old OW? That there is justice enough for me - he gets to watch his UnicornFartLand go up in smoke, she gets to see exactly what a great father and SO(B) he is.

I don't want my girls to have to go through it nor an innocent new baby but aside from that I'd LOVE for the sad clown to be a shit husband and father with any of the OW. Doesn't matter which one.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5882 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia

TrustGone♀ 36654Member # 36654

Posted: 6:54 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

If it is not a lot of money and it would cost in legal fees, I would just let it go. The lawyers love to fight this shit out and suck you dry. BTDT. It's not worth the hurt or being in contact with STBX and his pregnant little girl. When OW texted my husband and told him she needed to tell him something, I was hoping he got her pregnant with triplets and would have to start over again. Instead she told him she had cancer (not).

Why should you pay for his path to happiness? Because unless your province has some kind of provision for fault, a judge would probably tell you to. You could try to negotiate it, but his L will probably want a concession somewhere else. His L knows just as well as yours what the judge will most likely say, so it will be argued accordingly.

For anything like this, please be very clear what a judge would rule before paying for a huge fight about it. Remember, divorce is about business, judges in no fault are not going to "punish" anyone. So often people pay Ls way more than they stand to gain by engaging in the fight in the first place.

Could you feel him out? Maybe now that OW is knocked up he will want to rush through the D process...if you suggest the fees will hold it up, he could be more eager to be the one to pay.

Otherwise, I agree that sometimes it's worth the money to get rid of trash sooner rather than later. If it looks like he's willing to truly fight it, don't bother.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11468 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo

Douchebagfree♀ 39267Member # 39267

Posted: 9:53 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

Some of you are probably going to be a little disappointed but I've decided to split it with him.
As soon as my mind was made up I felt relieved, another weight lifted. He had already said that he wasn't going to pay all of it and dragging it out would just cause more misery. At this point, I want to cut all ties with him and given his PA personality this could cause me more mind games down the road.
It was terribly difficult to swallow my pride and play fair with him but I truly believe now that it will be for the best.

I take some joy in knowing that he'll blow through the money by the end of the year. He's always been terrible with money and the fact that he bought 2 brand new vehicles in the past 5 months proves that. I just hope that he took a big enough hit when he traded the first one in Or the fact that he doesn't even have $200 for a permit that we need to get even though he's been living at his parents house for the past few months rent free!

I sure married a winner!

Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada

persevere♀ 31468Member # 31468

Posted: 11:59 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

I don't think anyone will be disappointed Dbf, you have to do what's right for you, and it sounds like you did it for the right reasons - YOU.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4875 | Registered: Mar 2011

neverbeokay8275Member # 8275

Posted: 6:04 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013

Good for you, be done with it and move on.

Posts: 327 | Registered: Sep 2005

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 7:05 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013

As soon as my mind was made up I felt relieved, another weight lifted.

That there is priceless my friend. Good decision.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!