Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Well, no sh*t sherlock.

iPhone, it's more than a phone (Conan Obrien)

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Drunk Irish man: So, your screenplay is about a paralyzed chicken?Blonde tween: No, it's about a boy who makes his whole family paralyzed, including his chicken.-6th St & 1st Ave

Chick: Good-bye [departs train].Guy #1: Good-bye.Guy #2: Eddie*, your sister is really pretty.Guy #3: Don't call her that -- 'pretty' is something you say about nice girls, not whores like that.Eddie: What are you talking about?Guy #3: Ed, don't take it out on me, but at Dave's birthday party your sister was in the bedroom working for 10 dollars.Eddie: ... I'm gonna kill Dave. Why didn't you tell me about this?!Guy #3: Because she was right there! [Silence, then Eddie departs.]Guy #2: 10 dollars? What's her phone number? I've got 10 dollars.Guy #3: I know, best 10 bucks I ever spent.-D train

Girl #1: Britney really needs to stop showing her hoo-ha all over Hollywood.Girl #2: Seriously. If I see one more picture of her vag, I'll vomit.Girl #1: What, her mother didn't teach her to put on panties?Girl #2: Or get out of a car without showing her cooter?Girl #3: I was on Perez Hilton dot com the other day, and they fully had pictures of her in all her glory.Girl #2: Oh my god, was it bald? I heard it actually looked nice and neat.Girl #3: Yeah, I guess it was okay. One of the nicer ones I've seen.Guy at next table on cell: What? ... Oh, sorry honey. No, I'm paying attention to you. I'm just at Starbucks, and some girls were, uh... talking really loud at the next table.-Starbucks, Union Square

Girl #1: Hey, remember that time you got laser hair removal for your lip?Girl #2: Stacy! Stop talking, there are people around!Girl #1: Oh, right, as though you will ever see any of these people again.Random guy: Actually, I'm in her Computer Science class.-6 train

Nerdy teen: Dude, I really want to see what Lord Voldemort looks like in the movie.Friend: Yeah, man. I really want to see Lord Voldemort get naked.Nerdy teen: Oh, yeah. Me, t-- What?-Borders

Girl #1: Hey, how're you doing?Girl #2: Hey! Aren't you--?Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You're a fucking bitch!Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven't seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex-girlfriend, whom I've never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye.-Starbucks, 4th & University

[firefighter pointing]: Look -- he's stuck.

Drunk dude drives his SUV into iced river

An Iowa man was charged with drunken driving after officials say he drove his vehicle onto the ice-covered Mississippi River.

Steven A. Parker, 51, is accused of driving his sports utility vehicle off a boat ramp to do "doughnuts" on Sunday when the ice broke and his vehicle sank in 4 feet of water, about 30 feet from shore, said officials with the Iowa Department of Natural Resources.

Parker and his son, Steven A. Parker, Jr., 28, of Waynesville, N.C., made it safely back to land. Parker is charged with third-offense drunken driving and driving with a revoked license.Article here.

Lazy Wii dude...

Paris Hilton sues to shut down ParisExposed.com

Paris Hilton filed a federal lawsuit Monday, seeking to shut down a Web site that displays personal photos, videos, diaries, and other belongings once kept at a storage facility.

The Web site was launched last week claiming the items were auctioned off after Hilton neglected to pay the Los Angeles-area storage facility. It also promises visitors who pay a fee of $39.97 access to Hilton's passport, medical records and other legal documents.

In her lawsuit, Hilton said she put her possessions in storage two years ago when she and her sister, Nicky, moved out of a house that had been burglarized. The 25-year-old heiress said a moving company was supposed to pay the storage fees and was "shocked and surprised" to learn her belongings were sold at a public auction.

The lawsuit alleges defendants Nabil and Nabila Haniss paid $2,775 for the contents of the storage unit and later sold the items for $10 million to entrepreneur Bardia Persa, who created the site ParisExposed.com. Article here.

A message from my friends regarding my girlfriend:

An Iraqi traffic jam... wow, what a cluster f*ck.

Why is yawning contagious?

Compounding the mystery is the odd way in which the contagious power of yawning is largely unconscious. We can see someone yawn, yearn to replicate the action ourselves, and do it, all without thinking about it. Other times we’re aware it is happening, though it still floats somewhere beneath the realm of reason and of purposeful actions.

So what gives? In an effort to find the answer, the Finnish government recently funded a brain scanning study. The results turned up some hard-to-interpret, possible clues. It also confirmed the obvious: yawn contagion is largely unconscious. Wherever it might affect the brain, it bypasses the known brain circuitry for consciously analyzing and mimicking other people’s actions.

This circuitry is called the “mirror-neuron system,” because it contains a special type of brain cells, or neurons, that become active both when their owner does something, and when he or she senses someone else doing the same thing.

Apart from the physical brain mechanisms of yawn contagiousness, researchers have offered different reasons as to why it exists. Some have proposed that in early humans, yawn contagiousness might have helped people communicate their alertness levels to each other, and thus coordinate their sleep schedules.

This might be part of a more general phenomenon of unconscious signals that serve to synchronize group behavior, the authors of the Neuroimage paper wrote. “Such synchronization could be essential for species survival and works without action understanding, like when a flock of birds rises to the air as soon as the first bird does so—supposably as it notices a predator.” Full Article Here.

Heidi Klum with no makeup... whoa?!?

bungee jump + alligator = no bueno

thanks kevin

NOTE: Not to worry — it never really happened. The camcorder-style clip is part of a television commercial for Foster's Beer that aired in 2003. The crocodile (or alligator, according to some versions of the email) was added to the image via special effects wizardry.

The commercial, which originally ended with the voice-over (since deleted), "New Foster's hit tap. Don't lose your head," was the subject of some controversy in England, where the Independent Television Commission received nearly 200 consumer complaints alleging it was in "bad taste." The Commission ruled in favor of the advertiser, however, noting that the actual images "were not graphic, bloody or realistic." Source.

Study shows 'chick flicks' are not just for women

According to research by Richard Harris, professor of psychology at Kansas State University, guys like romantic movies, too. Harris said his survey results are surprising and go against common stereotypes.

"Everyone thinks that women like romantic movies and that they drag guys along to them," he said. "What was significant was that the guys also liked the movies, and that the choice to view a romantic movie was usually made together as a couple, not just by the girl."

Using a 7-point scale, Harris asked men and women to rate how much they liked a romantic movie they had just watched, according to a press release. He also asked them to rate how much they believed their date enjoyed the movie and how much they think men and women in general like romantic movies.

Although in the study both men and women generalized that men as a group wouldn't like a romantic movie, when men rated the romantic flick they had just seen, they gave it a 4.8 on Harris' scale. When women were asked to rate how much their dates liked the movie, they gave the same 4.8 rating.

"We found that women really do enjoy romantic movies," Harris said. "They rated how much they liked the movie at about 6 on the 7-point scale. However, we also found that men liked the movies as well. They rated how much they liked the movie at about 4.8, which is higher than most people would have guessed." Article here.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."