- Ok...so maybe the gods are just getting a kick out of twisting my life around to the point where it's just plain laughable. I swear...I don't know how I keep up with it myself. Sometimes I just wish the whole world could stop spinning for JUST a day or two so that I could catch my breath.

The easiest part of the day was the morning, even though I totally FAILED my last History test. I'm just gonna pretend that that didn't even happen. Especially while I'm still at my dad's house. He'll flip out and wanna 'help' and..it's just a hassle that I don't wanna deal with right now. Besides, the faster I get back home, the faster my life can get back to normal again. Or so I'm hoping.

I was expecting to see Sam today, but he was absent. Couldn't understand why. He didn't tell me about ditching or anything, so I hope he's not sick. I mulled it over a little bit in my mind, and a certain worse case scenario came to me. I mean...what if he found out? About Joanna and Jamie Cross, I mean? I mean...my high school is only so big. And Jamie Cross is a pretty 'expensive item' to suddenly be taken off of the dating market. How long did I really expect him to walk the same halls as the two of them and not catch wind of it sooner or later?

I tried calling his house, but I didn't get an answer. Awwww...what if he's hurting right now? What if he's totally crushed? I'll try to call him again after I finish this. I just wanna make sure he's ok. Sighhhh...do I suck for being glad that it wasn't 'me' that had to tell him the truth? Because I am. I truly am.

You know...Trace came over to talk to me at my locker today. He put an arm over my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. Like, he was just being playful and all...and that's fine. But sometimes I think about the fact that I haven't found a solid reason to cross him off of my list just yet...and I wonder...if just 'MAYBE', you know?

He's so cute. I could totally go for him if I knew him a little better. I love his eyes. He has really big, really sexy eyes. And he has like...really lender swimmer's muscles, and they kinda show through his shirt sometimes. Cute butt too. I kinda wanna touch his hair. Hehehe, those little sandy blond dreads are so pretty on him. Imagine what it would feel like to tangle my fingers in them while he's, like...sucking me off or something. Oh GOD!!! Hehehe! Let me just stop fantasizing before I get myself all hot and bothered here.

Anyway, Trace was like, "Listen...my big pig of a father is gonna fly the coup this weekend. He says he'll be back the same night, but I know my dad, and he'll either be shacked up with some bimbo, forced to spend the night in jail, or just too liquored up to come home until Sunday. So...what do ya say?"

I was like, "What do I say about what?"

He giggled, "Coming over. We were supposed to hang out, remember?" Now, mind you, the whole time that he's talking to me, Trace has his ARM around me. Like, just resting his wrist limply over my shoulder. And his breath smelled a little like candy. The sweet suckable kind, you know? And I think I got a little...shiver from it.

I asked him, "You having a party or something?"

And he was all like, "Most definitely...except it'll be just you and me. And the bottle makes three. Hehehe!" He has a sexy laugh. My mind is so in the GUTTER for that boy.

I told him, "Uhhhh, I don't know, Trace. I think my drinking days are over. It's really not worth it, believe me. I'm pretty sure I threw up my LIVER last time anyway, so I don't have the proper equipment left to drink with."

He said, "I'll give you a piece of my liver then. I keep it in a jar in the fridge." He giggled, and then he was like, "C'mon, what the hell else do you have to do this weekend? Come on by my house, check it out, I've got games, I've got music. You can meet my brother, Mikey, he goes into total spaz mode for company. He's gonna love you." I thought about it for a second, and he leaned closer to my ear, which really kinda made me tremble a bit. And he's like, "C'monnnnn...it'll be fun. Don't make me waste a whole weekend and an empty house on doing 'nothing'. Chill with me for a bit. You'll have fun. I promise." Promise. There's something about the way he said promise. Mmmmm...wishful thinking.

I do have to admit though...I kinda looked at his lips up close a few times. They look sooooooo soft. Like all...awesome and pillowy and pink. If a pair of lips were ever meant for kissing...they were Trace's. Well...him and Jamie Cross, of course. And Lee. Hehehe!

Sigh...I can't believe that I said yes. I'm *NOT* fucking drinking any alcohol though. NONE! He's not gonna get me with that one. That's one lesson that I actually wanna learn right away from my one bad experience.

I hope me and Lee can still get together on Saturday for some more...um...nookie! Hehehe! Yeah, I know...I'm bad. But Lee has the most addictive body in the WORLD! He really does! I totally want him all day, every day. The way he moves, the way he moans my name...GOD! I can't help myself.

Which is a part of what made things so weird...when he showed up at my school today after the final bell rang.

I was coming out of the back door and getting ready to walk to the bus stop when I caught a glimpse of him standing there in his private school uniform. Naturally, I did a double take, just thinking it was some random extremely hot boy standing on the school lawn for no reason. But once I saw that it was my sweetie, it was like...'what the hell'???

He smiled when he saw me, and I nearly dropped to my knees and put my mouth on him right there in front of EVERYBODY! He looked sooooo good in his navy blue uniform all neatly put together and wrinkle free on that tasty body of his. It HURT to be close enough to smell him and not suck hungrily those sexy lips. Mmmmm...my baby.

I was like, "What the hell are YOU doing here??? Hehehe!"

He actually blushed a little bit and he said, "I came to see you, what did you think?" And when I asked how the hell he got out of school before I did, he said, "My last two classes were cancelled today. So I left." Then he lowered his eyes a little, and his smile faded a bit. "I got your email last night." He almost looked...I don't know, ashamed to say it. He was like, "I'm sorry if I've been...well...I don't wanna seem like I...like I don't..."

But I didn't even let him finish his sentence before I jumped forward and wrapped both of my arms around his neck, and said, "Don't even WORRY about it!!!" I think it was just this...uncontrollable burst of joy, and I didn't really realize what I was doing until Lee laughed at me and started literally 'peeling' my arms off of him.

He was like, "Billy! Hehehe! Jesus!" He turned beet red and looked down at his shoes to avoid the eyes of everyone else coming out of the building. Yikes...that WAS kinda 'gay' of me, wasn't it? We both saw some of the other students staring at us...but a big part of that might be from Lee being so damn cute. He was still giggling in the cutest way, still blushing, his soft hair sweeping lightly over his forehead with a gentle breeze. I just kinda stared at him for a few seconds. It made him even more bashful than he already was. He was like, "So...you wanna...get on the bus with me on the next block? Maybe we can stop by the jelly bean store?"

I smiled, feeling my heart racing...yearning for another touch of him. I said, "Is your mom home today?"

He said, "Unfortunately." But added, "I just wanted to say that I was sorry, k? Maybe spend a little time getting...'reconnected'. Hehehe..." He started to walk with me, and he was like, "I wish I had more time today. But we still have the weekend, right? You wanna get together Friday night?"

I was like, "Sounds cool to me." I was lost in a dreamlike state of mind. He's gorgeous. But as we took a few more steps forward, I felt like I was forgetting something. And that's when I was like, "Omigod...wait!" Arrrgh!!! Noooooo!!! Lee was right here, and he wanted to spend some TIME with me! But...but..."Dude, I'm sorry. I can't go. I kinda promised this guy, Bobby, that...well, I'm sorta trying to work something out with him. And I gave him my word that it would be today."

Lee was like, "Well...work something out with him like what?"

I said, "It's a long loooong story. Believe me."

Lee asked, "Well...I mean, are you sure. I can come along if you want..."

But I was like, "NO! I mean...it's a personal thing. For HIM, I mean! Not for me." Lee gave me the weirdest look, and I felt soooo bad for ruining his little surprise...but I figured that if I hurt Bobby Jinette one more time he was going to literally IMPLODE from despair. And the LAST thing I wanted him to see was me and Lee together.

Yeah...the LAST thing...

Sighhhhh...

I said goodbye and totally apologized, but Lee is easy going about just about everything. So it's not like he was upset or anything, although he was a little disappointed. He wanted to get out of there before Joanna caught sight of him though. She's been flooding him with problems one minute and flooding him with 'Jamie praise' the next. I think he had gotten too much of an earful. Hehehe! The BAD part is...just as Lee was leaving and I was getting ready to go back by the back door to catch Bobby....

...Well...

...I guess you could say that Bobby caught me first.

He was just standing there. Shocked. Hurt. I didn't have anything that I could say. I mean...OTHER people might have just seen two boys standing there talking after school...but Bobby knew better. He knew me better. And before I could even take a step towards him or open my mouth to explain...he stormed off. He didn't want to hear it. I think I'm honestly getting WORSE at this sort of thing.

Shit...you know what? I'm just gonna give him some time to cool off and just...try to stay out of his way for a while. I don't know how to NOT hurt him. I guess he'll just have to...not think about me anymore.