Monday, November 3, 2008

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Poison Means Fish in French

After that first little exchange about "poison means fish in French" with Kim and her friend at the restaurant, I was feeling kind of like I did after seeing the preview show for the New York Housewives: "Even I can't bring myself to make fun of these people. Shame on Bravo for exploiting them, and I'll take the high road and aim my snark at a a fair target like the people on My Big Redneck Wedding."

But by the time we got to Kim's "they don't show their age, you know" line, I was too busy spluttering "Uh-uh. She didn't just say that" to be troubled by such questions and was thus free to enjoy the rest of the show impeded only by a small bout of idly wondering if any teenaged girls - or boys - [i]without[/i] self-esteem issues had ever actually existed, or possibly still do, somewhere in a little mountain village in Bhutan, maybe. Even so, that's still one big mission.

DeShawn said she spent $30,000 on her party, and received $10,000 in donations, thus depriving "her girls" - and her husband of only $20,000. Kim said the bracelet she bought cost $14,000. Maybe they were getting only a percentage of diamond bracelet sales. Kim had to text Big Papa immediately to inform him of the purchase. I wonder what the cut-off is. I mean, does she have to tell him if she buys a $6.99 hair clip at CVS, like the one DeShawn was rocking right before the Night of a Thousand Stars Diamond Gala? What about $800 or so for a pair of Jimmy Choos? $39.95 for a new Dynel (TM) wig?

None of the guests were interested in paying $7500 to have dinner with LeBron James, and Kim called Big Papa again, complaining that she was bored and the wine was bad, then stuffed the black satin sausage casing into which she had stuffed most of herself, with the exception of her mammouth faux mammaries, back into her limo and bounced.

Sheree was too disgusted to even buy any diamond bracelets. "No coat check?" she sniffed. What am I supposed to do with my fur? Earlier that day, she had revealed to Kim that she has always been popular and beautiful. Kim admitted that she was not always beautiful, having been afflicted with naturally black hair.

All in all, a pretty sorry little episode, with only the briefest flash of NeNe getting swabbed down for her DNA test to find out whether Curtis is really her father. That was the storyline that had hooked me in last week.