Oh Fishy. Well at least you tried. Maybe it's all for the best - I mean, her crazy licky-licky tongue was not sexy.

I admire your persistence though, but it does remind me of text-stalking Stephen who I snogged a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes girls don't want boys to ever get in touch again. At all. Just leave it as it was and move on. Of course, blokes will never know when this is true. Well, apart from they get the silent treatment, but even then it amazes me how long it takes some guys to cotton on.

Ohh I feel bad for you:(I hate the text message game where you wait for a bit and then text.... Like fuxk that's just rediculous. the same Sort of thing happened to me, the Guy and I had a really good night, leaving after was lovely and then I stopped getting the morning texts and then the texts just stoppped... Don't understand why?? :(You'll find a better one soon. You are the guy that gets the most first dates hahatoodles xx

ooh ooh I know this one. Women often dislike one night stands but alcohol makes them do crazy things. In the morning she hates herself for doing it and in her head, you're in some way responsible for her behaving slutty (you could have declined her invitation thus saving her honor).

One way around the mental fallout is if it happens by "accident". It's a whole lot less slutty if it wasn't intended. ie you/her just popped back for a coffee before calling a cab, it just happened by accident before the cab got called. Obviously travelling to the next town for a coffee before coming all the way back isn't very realistic :p

Oh the rejection of the sexually adventurous. Best (or was it worse?) blow-off (and yes, dirty) I ever got was when I called HIM the next day and he answered, "Oh. Hi Julie" (“Jodie,” I corrected) then said,

"I just didn't feel the chemistry."

Guess that was after he came. He was fun though, a fireman. Very nice abs.

This has nothing to do with her feeling slutty. I suspect she is having coffee with her best friend right now saying something in the likes of: "I give him a taste of my fishpie and he can't even call? I'm so sick of boys, I really want to start dating men!"

Omg, I cant believe she just ignored your witty texts! I mean this text alone - Me - 7:36pm: Will you go on a second date with me if I promise not to share my battered sausage? xx - would have gotten you a second date with me. It was sheer poetry!

I love your last text to her! I actually laughed out loud at my computer... makes me seem like a creeper to the other people in my office.

I agree though with the commenter above, I like getting the phone call. I'm not so into the ackwared texts. Texting does have its time and place, like on the train on the way home, just not to ask someone out on another date.

Aww I had few of those minus the actual one night stand. Usually goes like this: I kinda like the guy on a night, he's fun to play with, alcohol makes sparkles fly, I can tell he's trying but I don't mind the efforts, then I give him my number because I kinda like him.. And then when he calls I don't answer but that's because I never answer, they need to know to text me instead. And if he texts, I string him along for a while because I kinda like him, and stop in the end because I only KINDA liked him and decided it's not worth the effort... Sorry for an essay but you get what I'm saying, right?;)) As someone said up there in comments... NEXT!

Fishy,Hello from Mexico City. I do agree with a previous comment: Boys text; men call. Most of the times you seem to be very worried (mortified) about the amount of money you will have to spend when it comes to dating. I think you would spend more money sending a bunch of empty text messages than in a 5 -minute call. That is, if we consider that here in my country texting is more expensive than a call.Better luck next time ;-) Marina.

maybe she has the, I've-slept-with-you-now-and-there's-no-romance-left syndrome. I've done that before. You meet someone, they're funny, easy to talk to, you have too many vodka and raspberrys, invite them back to yours, have drunk sex, and now that thats all happened the whole night is tarnished because you did to this person what you would do at a club to some insignificant stranger...

The mystery and romance of the whole thing has turned to fart and maybe now, she is a little embarrassed.

Your tried...just be thankful you don't need to put up with more face licking! At least she replied in a sort of nice way at the start. I went on a date with a guy who told me via text I was too fat to date but if I wanted to sleep with him that was fine...I replied with I would but I'm too fat to fit out my front door right now...

I've been keeping up with your site for awhile now. Good stuff! Overall, pretty good game. However, your text-game needs a little work. First(ly), never respond that quickly- it makes you seem overly eager and a bit desperate. You have tons of fun things going on in your life that distract you from texting a girl you barely know. Second(ly), the texts "Shall I take that as a no?" and "I take it no second date?" are NOT allowed. I don't think I need to explain why.

That minor criticism aside, your final text was spot-on. I think if you would have kept your first texts as irreverent and funny as the last, you could have been eating more fishcakes.

One thing we haven't covered here yet: how hot is she? I could put up with a lot more than just face licking and general hard-to-get-cuz-I-feel-bad-for-being-whorish attitudes if she is really, really hot. Or, since she's a doctor, if I was planning on getting really, really sick.

Fishy this is hilarious. At the very least, she owes you some medical advice after that 8-minutes of bliss.

But since she failed to step up, in the 1950's folks used clorox foot-baths. I'm thinking if also applied to your upper extremity you might solve the problem of face-licking (where the fuck did she learn this? a cattery?).

OUCH she soo did not enjoy u eating her fishcakes did she? Next time U should be more unavailable...like leave a first date with a great kiss and her wanting more and then don't text her or call (U should call over text, Its more assertive) until a couple of days later. Be funny and sweet. U'll deff get laid on more then just one date...even if ur not looking to have more then a first date to get to know someone.

I found this blog totally by accident and I'm glad I did it's brilliant and funny and just awesome.I say move on mate, she's not even woman enough to say "I'm not interested lets be freinds" you don't need her in your life. Plenty more fish ay? :L

It is certainly interesting for me to read that blog. Thanks for it. I like such topics and everything that is connected to them. I would like to read a bit more soon.Don't you think design should be changed from time to time?

Sorry man, think you played it all wrong. I like you though so I'm going to give you some pointers. First off you texted too soon, and asked about a second date waay too soon. Unless you made out, had sex, or had some sort of amazing chemistry don't text the next day asking about second dates. It reeks of desperation.

Step 1: Text a couple of days after the date and don't even mention the previous date or try to make plans for a future date. Don't respond to her texts immediately if she's not responding to yours right away.

Step 2: If she responds to your texts give her a call either later that day or in another couple of days based on how responsive she is. If she doesn't answer leave a short and funny message. If she doesn't at least text you back give her a few more days and try one more time. If you get voicemail again specifically imply in your message that you won't be calling again. If you don't hear from her the game ends here (usually).

Step 3: If you get her on the phone or she calls you back chat her up for a bit. If the conversation goes well let her know that you think she's fun and you'd like to get together again soon, most likely she'll be open to it or even hoping for it if you've been chatting to you for awhile and enjoying it.

Just stumbled across you... nice and witty. I like. Kind of scared to read all of it though, as I seem to go on a lot of dates and I am worried one of my dating disasters could appear on here considering we are from the same city ;)

I'm so glad that I discovered your blog....well, kinda. Is this what I have to look forward to? I'm fresh out of a 5-year relationship, and I totally forget how to date. And though your blog is amusing, it makes me not look forward to it.

I'm sure I'll have some of my own dating misadventures to share. Take a peek at my blog, if you'd like: http://projectbreakingupwards.blogspot.com/

LOL! Thats funny. It happend to me too but in Prince George, BC. Its a small town and there are not enough guys to go around! Yet I never got a second date from a doctor after she shared her sushi with me. I thought everything went well but, there was never again a good time to go on second date! Maybe she was just after the free dinner?

Hey man, if a girl asks you a question (anything new?) or talks about something she said earlier instead of answering one of your questions (I'm embarrassed....I think less of myself...ya dah dah dah), it means that's what she really wants to talk about. Always answer her questions, even if it's just a quick answer tagged onto what you were going to say anyway. Honestly, I can't tell whether this girl liked you or not, but as soon as you aren't willing to sacrifice your plan A (getting a date) to talk about what is really important to her, she will begin to think that you don't really care about her as much as the date (which might be true), and stop texting you back. Girls don't care as much about a date as a relationship, and dates are a way they figure out whether they respect or like you enough to be your friend/more than friend.

Clearly she was mortified of your night together. Although I think it was nice that you actually tried to turn this into dating instead of completely walking away which most men would do. She just probably like many men would consider a wham bam thank you ma'am to not be the start of a great relationship. It sounds like she needed some courting.

I love your blog, so funny and insightful, great to see dating from a man's perspective. I have my own dating blog too at: http://sextingthecity.weebly.comGive me a visit and let me know what you think! :)

About the author

Plentymorefishoutofwater

Liverpool, United Kingdom

Hello, I'm Fishy. I'm 29, I'm from the north of England and I own a depressed and arthritic cat called Mildred. My friend Mark says I go on more first dates than anyone he knows - and fewer second. This is my dating blog (last updated in 2011). Send enquiries to jimmy-rice@hotmail.co.uk or visit jimmyrice.org.