Teenage Pregnancy and Adoption

This last weekend my wife and I have been entranced by the show 16 and Pregnant and the follow up series Teen Mom. Normally I don’t like to watch too much TV, but seeing these kids having their own kids made for some interesting viewing. I was particularly taken by one of the stories featuring a couple that was still at school when they fell pregnant and had a child. Neither of them had jobs, they both still lived at home and they ended up making the decision to give the child up for adoption to a couple that was unable to conceive.

Most of the couples in the show decide to raise the child themselves and eventually end up breaking up with each other, and in most cases there is a lot of resentment towards the other person. It would have to be tough being in school and having a child. I have found it challenging having our son with all the different things you never had to think about before. I just couldn’t imagine how I would have handled everything should I have had a child at 16.

My wife and I spoke a bit about the one couple that decided to put their child up for adoption. We both agreed that we could never do something like that with our little boy, but that it was probably the best thing for the child that it was going to be raised by the older couple that obviously wanted a child, but for whatever reason couldn’t have one. Without jobs and education these teens would never have been able to provide for the child the same way that the adoption parents would be able to.

What I found the most interesting is that the teens parents wanted them to keep the baby and were very much opposed to putting it up for adoption. I hadn’t seen the start of the episode and I assumed that it was the parents idea for them to go through the adoption process. To me this shows a high level of emotional maturity on the parts of the soon to be parents and I think it is probably the best outcome for everyone involved. I do wonder though if in a couple of years time if they still feel like it was the right choice to make. For me personally it is easy to sit back and say that I wouldn’t be capable of providing for a child in my teens, but if it had happened to me I am not sure what I would have done. I didn’t think the same way that I do now when I was a teenager, and I know that my life would have been so vastly different that I would invariably be a different person at my current age.

Question

There is probably no right or wrong answer when it comes to putting a child up for adoption when you are in that situation. I am sure many people make do when they find themselves in a similar spot in life, but I am interested in what you would do.

If you were 16 and were having a child, would you keep it and do your best, or put it up for adoption?

There are a lot of responsibilities when it comes to having and raising a child. A lot of these kids shouldn’t be having babies in the first place. But having to be mature enough to give your first born up for adoption is a tough one. I can say I would have kept my first child and would have tried my best to make it work. Then I don’t know how things would have worked out but I just know thats what my heart would have side I needed to do.

Speaking as the child of a 14 year old mom. My mom was 13 when she got pregnant and had only been 14 twenty 24 days when I was born.

Give us up for adoption, don’t be selfish. Do what’s right for the baby and give them parents that has an established life. People don’t jump through hoops for nothing, they honestly want to be a parent. And adoption is a very emotional process.

I missed out so much on being a kid and had to grow up and take responsibility for myself at a very young age in order to make my life less hurtful and to become the person I am today.

To this day, my mom is still very selfish and childish and I don’t have much to do with her. I try but it only leaves me hurt and sad to not have a mom or a dad because she doesn’t know who he is, or so she says.

I had acquaintances in High School that had babies and I think they were okay mothers but they had a fantastic family support system at home but they still gave up a lot.

There was a couple in high school that got married and had a baby in high school. They made it through school together but divorced sometime after (this was 30+ years ago). But both parents had great families.CJ recently posted..The Month of May

I’ve seen bits of these shows at the gym. I think the grandparents of the babies play a large part in the teens assumptions, if not the decision making. The hope for greater responsibility and maturity through the baby.

Also fully fledged adult couples also split after babies.

Me, I’d have kept it dependent on the due date. As a woman theres a few times I’ve thought maybe I’m pregnant and I wouldn’t be ok with abortion but adoption really is like “so close but so far away”. Just not a viable option – which I think is a function of Australian society. The couple that adopted did so with an open adoption from memory – my assumption is that that’s not available either here, but I say this with little research or knowledge

That is a tough question. As a parent myself, I would say that I could never put a kid up for adoption. However, having a child as a teenager is something completely different. I am not certain what I’d do, but I do know that there are plenty of families out there who’re unable to have children that can benefit greatly from adoption.John S @ Frugal Rules recently posted..How to Invest in Stocks When You Do Not Know Where to Start

It’s a tough situation. I know myself well enough to know that I would have kept the child. I matured quite young and would have found a way to manage. Thankfully I did mature quite young and wasn’t dumb enough to get pregnant at 16…I had a friend who got pregnant when she was 16, it was tough on her but she managed. She had a supportive family who allowed her to graduate high school on time, go to college. She’s now married with 3 kids. She’s a success story though. I have a patient who’s just quit her job because her daughter just had a baby at 16, it’s a bad situation…I’m blogging about it so will share the whole story. I wish there was a way of turning fertility on after passing some sort of test haha.

Um, isn’t it illegal to be blogging about a patient of yours, Catherine?

Also, I would argue that most teen pregnancies are not the result of “stupidity”. Neither condoms nor the pill protect you 100% of the time, and frankly, poor sex education is to blame. The number of teens who think the “pull out method” is a reasonable form of birth control is astonishing. If you didn’t get pregnant at 16, it’s because you were either abstinent, using multiple forms of birth control, or lucky.Sarah @ MarvelousDarling recently posted..Life Lately

My wife and I have watched this show off and on the past couple years. I would like to believe I would put it up for adoption, but at 16 who knows what I would be thinking? I do think putting it up for adoption is the best choice and is a win for everyone involved.

I think the key would be having a supportive family, as they will be helping financially and with taking care of the baby if the teen mom would have any hope of finishing school and getting a decent job or career. We have some good friends who adopted a baby from a 15 year old Mom. They go to see his biological family every year or so. I think if you can have that sort of relationship it makes it easier on all parties as far as guilt and questions. The birth mom had another kid a couple of years later, which she kept. It will be interesting to see how the siblings are alike and different as they get older. Where I grew up teen pregnancy was pretty common and most of the teen parents did split up and had lots of issues. I can only think of one couple who did well and is still together.

This is a very difficult question. I really have no idea what I’d do. I do know that I would never give up a baby for adoption now, but maybe at 16 I would have. I think it would have been highly dependent on how supportive the mother, mother’s parents, and my parents were about the whole thing. It’s very difficult for two 16 year olds to do it on their own.Jake @ Common Cents Wealth recently posted..Why I Canceled Our Satellite Television

I know that I wouldn’t have kept a child if I’d gotten pregnant at 16. I’ve seen how hard that is and I had no desire to go down that road. Even now, at 23, I’m not ready to have kids, there’s no way I would’ve been ready at 16!Jordann @ My Alternate Life recently posted..June 1st NETWORTH Update!

It is surprising, I never thought I would be ready, but since having our son I love it and wouldn’t change a thing.
Granted I am a lot older now, but still…Glen recently posted..Online Grocery Shopping in Australia

I was raised by a privileged family so there would have been plenty of space and money to raise the baby so I think I would have kept it. If I’d live on welfare in a dump I would give it up for adoption.Pauline recently posted..Little house in Guatemala, week 26-30

Oh, tough question. I have had friends adopt babies, so I do know there are many wonderful would-be parents waiting for babies. I think adoption is a very loving choice and a recognition that one is not ready for the responsibility. I honestly don’t know what I would have done. Looking at my girls now, I couldn’t imagine giving them up, but I didn’t have them at 16 when I was most definitely not ready to be a parent. I would say that most of the kids they feature on those shows make a strong case to give up your child for adoption, of course, they are not trying to show a balanced show, but an entertaining one. 🙂

I would have been a terrible mother at 16. Selfish, self-indulgent and self-centered. Parenting is hard enough (I’d imagine-I don’t have kids) at 30 when you’re in a stable relationship and relatively settled in your adult life. Having a child at 16 is something I can’t even imagine. Heck, I’m 30 and I still can’t completely imagine myself as a mother now.

I would have decided not to have it, in some way. I was too immature at 16, and while I would have had family support, it would have been horrid. That show is an interesting one, I always try to get behind what is in their minds.

I almost got a girl pregnant when I was 17, and although it turned out she was very, very late it clearly got me thinking. I think I would have pushed for keeping and raising the child. I am sure I would be living in a very different situation right now, but part of me likes to think I could have figured out being a good father, worked hard, and so on. On a side note, the girl was almost callas regarding abortion, and that disgusted me. It was like she screwed up a drawing, “just toss it and start fresh” kind of thinking.

I agree with Grayson – tough call here, but usually just a sad situation. We need to start teaching kids why they should value their bodies and their childhood enough to leave adult decisions/situations until adulthood. 🙁

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