intermittent thoughts on my life and work as the chess coach at IS 318, a public middle school in Brooklyn

Thursday, October 1, 2009

part two of A Child's Plan, for adults to counter: shock therapy basics

Shock Therapy basicsShock therapy lessonIntroMany ventured already into this form without thinking, what should I do or when should I do it. The bottle (points to bottle) is just a explanation. Here you will learn to fully use shock therapy. Just remember, it could leave your child, toasted?

Teaching #1Shock therapy is always a resort unless you want your child to be cured of any stupidity in the first place. This is for people who um say, want a great child that has no social life (for now) so you use this method when they’re very young. With this though your child follows a completely random phase pattern. You hope for the rebellious phase and stupid rebellious phase to be early so the child doesn’t mess up they’re future. I for example follow a different pattern and was even introduced new phases.

*****’s phasesIndependent, obedient phase (obedient and independent, what more could I say to describe it) - 3-6 yrs old

Sadistic phase (hello, enjoys other’s pain)-7- now yrs old

Enlightenment phase (Buddha wide awake like)- 12-now yrs old

Ninja (likes to dash around) phase- 12-now yrs old

Evil Phase (don’t tell me I have to explain it)- 0-now (parents said I was naturally evil, hmm)

See very different indeed. If you haven’t noticed I never had a normal mental phase. Do you see normal anywhere, no of course not. This is what shock therapy does to you, it makes you weird. It’s like a slot machine though, a slot machine of their life!!! If your not lucky then don’t ever do this or you might get the super rebellious phase. Well to help you out with random phases here’s a chart to help you out with it

Super bad phases- not mentioned

Super rebellious phase- um like having broccoli and potatoes together in a storage bin and your boss came in for inspection(The boss has a very keen nose) bad. Also you fail the inspection you lose your job and will close down. (Wouldn’t want to be in that situation)

Full fledged Otaku- When you’re completely an anime freak. You spend thousands and thousands of dollars on life sized plush dolls, your comics, pc games, video games, action figures, you name it.

Monster Hikkamori- um locked up in your room so much you can’t even get out for food so you leech on the family hikkamori, oh of course you can’t forget about the craziness, either it be the conspiracy plots or whatever just a lock up person. Heard they enjoy their life though.

Misanthropic phase-Um you know, misanthrope (points at guy in the corner murmuring stupid world, dumb humans, I hate them). You don’t want your child to end up like this but you have to lump the bad with the good right?

Since it’s very hard to name all the negative phases (This method is unexplored) it’s time to learn the good ones. ( The ones I know at least)

Good phases

Determination phaseWhen you are extremely hard working, determined and extremely focused. During these times a child would usually persevere in almost any activity. They’d work hard on every project, beat a almost impossible game, solve very hard puzzles, and almost any other thing. These kind of kids have great potential in life due to they’re amazing perseverance.

Curious phaseDuring this phase it’s best to leave a lot of book around the place because we will read them. It’s also best to leave a lot of learning guides around because we will read them also. We basically would learn almost anything because during this phase we love to know and learn about things. When we’re children we go through this phase but with shock therapy, learning days can come back again.

Leader phaseIf you shock them enough they may become more efficient in doing things such as maybe leading? Yep, leading is a symptom of shock therapy. I remember a child who was shocked a lot by his parents. He’s still my friend but he’s very great influence. I can resist his leader abilities because I’m a leader as well. Also, what I mean by leading is:Able to lead a crowdA great influence to othersBrings out the other’s good sideCan help a group persevere through hard times

Skill phaseSometimes you could throw a person into a shockingly strange phase, which makes them centered on a certain subject such as art. People like this, well you know become great person in that field of studies. For example, a child has endured years of shocking may turn to writing to escape the trauma. Simple but a very compelling phase, I wonder if it fits in both categories though. Well I can’t think of anymore of them so let’s get to the main point of the Shock therapy Tutorial.

How to shock EfficientlyWell the easiest way is to indirectly shock the child. For example, my family's long history. When my sister started to become very rebellious my parent would yell at her and I would use that as a taste of what it was like. Of course I was yelled at after whenever I do something bad by accident like spilling water on the floor. Well since I would witness the extreme shocking to my sister (who needs to fry more) I was indirectly shocked thus explaining indirect shocks, right?

Ways to do indirect shocksWell it only works with siblings. Have the oldest sibling (if twins, the one who came out first) be in trouble, whether it be fake or real get into trouble. Then with the other sibling watching, express huge fits of rage with of course, screaming, yelling (big difference), or if you must, hits. Then just repeat this every week at a maximum of three times a week.

What to do if you have a only childYou have to teach your child a lesson so why not shock into them so they remember? Wait you have an only child? That’s hard to do because it’s all in theory. Well according to my plan, give the same dosage told on the bottle (points to bottle), and do it for one year. If your starting on a young child, simply reproach them for everything they do that’s very naughty. Here’s the naughty things list:

That’s about it with the naughty list. Single children are usually hard to raise even if they are young though. Just be careful not to fry the children with too much shock therapy. You have to give some love to them also or they will hate you, deeply.

More advanced treatment needed? What, the child is still not fixed! This rarely ever happens. Usually after a year or so the child should have a different phase and get out of being stupid and rebellious. Well here’s what you should do in response to the resilient child, lock them up! You have to teach them a lesson, completely unload on them. Here’s how it should be. If they don’t listen to what you said just say “for every single word you spent whining you are grounded for a month." Here is the climax where you two have a show down in who will crack first, you or the child. To win just stay calm and patiently wait. You must not lose this battle and never forget about it. Also, you must stay true to your word and give the child no excuses. Just say when they try to justify you “I do it so you could have a better future than that of I”. Oh one more thing, this can be used as a indirect shock, just have the other child there.

Appropriate and inappropriate timesShock therapy is very a very delicate process and should be used only when it suits the case. Screaming everyday for no reason wouldn’t help at all. (it’ll just make you look crazy) Times to unload will reveal themselves but sometimes (to meet your dosages) you unload on them when they make just plain stupid mistakes. Also, you may already know but I’ll repeat it, LOVE YOUR CHILD. People always seem to forget this, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! If you forget this key feature, all you did was in vain and you will be doomed to have a rotten child. So please, cherish your child and remember to love!

Here’s a example if you need it. I’m doing homework and my mom just yells at me when I ask what’s for dinner. Also, when I’m taking a bath my mom yells at me from the kitchen to stop taking a bath while I was in for only ten minutes. Then my mom completely ignores me. You could say that I have a miserable life but don’t you remember that I find my ways to be happy. (points all the way up to *****’s phases, Sadistic phase)

Teacher’s help with shock therapyTo further your reasons to yell at your child speak to the teachers. Ask for any disruptions caused by your child. With that have a deal with the teacher to not talk about anything about you to your child. With that you can monitor your child carefully and observe what’s going on at school and at home. Remember to write this down also or you will forget unless you have great memory or prefer to use a computer. (Note: should only be used during high school and college, this option is kind of a personal exposure or you can keep it a secret from the teacher and just ask if anything’s wrong)

THE BIG BOTTLEHARDCORE TO OMG!!!!!!!! SHOCK THERAPYWARNING (REALLY LISTEN UP)THIS METHOD IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING A PARENT WOULD DO TO THEIR CHILD. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO HANDLE EXTERME GUILT, THEN DO IT, just remembers, it’s for the good of your child.

The Plans of pure evilHere are the darkest things ever used to snap a child out of their phases but they have very extreme changes. One day your child will be normal, the other day, a depressed mentally pressured child. There are still good extreme changes, such as a sudden feeling of sense in place like um you leading the family in place of your parents ?

Well here are some great plans to use (welcome to the dark side)

The evil plans:The divorce plan(Ku Ku Ku Ku) This is a very devastating blow to a child’s mentality. Able to send your child into a great depression, this method is used to completely change the moods of your children. It’s very guilt entrusted because you will be faking it (Ku Ku Ku Ku) unless you really want to do this for real. Here’s an example (Trauma switch on). Back in my days as a 7th grader I had a very bad experience with the divorce plan. Only now I am revealing this because it’s over with. Every night I would sit there hearing them yell. Not a good thing but soon with my help I saved there marriage (trauma switch off) thus showing how I took controlled of the household. I’m the leader now and my parents, everyone that lives there answers to me.

The Big Argument PlanMuch like the divorce pan it evolves your child being blamed with causing the fight (the way we see it). A great mix of turmoil when mixed with the divorce plan. Here’s a example:

M: I don’t see what’s wrong with him why can’t he understand how important school is?F: There’s nothing wrong with him and school; just leave him alone.M: What do you mean? His grades are obviously dropping he failed his test. (Will go great with teacher’s help too (Ku Ku Ku Ku)F: Just leave him alone (pretend to be agitated)M: But……F: (fake smack) I said leave him alone!!! (make sure he’s watching)M: (fake cry)F: (silently sit there)

Mon dieu! Just beautiful, more beautiful then a coup de grace in a one-sided battle, if performed this would give your child the proper shock a child should receive. (Ku Ku Ku Ku)

Coup de grace of the DGXThe elegant final blow to this stupid culture; your mission is to completely destroy infestation in the child’s brain by going to extreme measures to inflict the amount of mental pain to finish it off so here’s how it’s. (this could leave the kid to be in a highly unstable depression so use this as a final blow. (hello Coup de grace?)) follow this plan.

Use the big argument plan and repeat it five times. Then use the divorce plan only this time you add a twist to it. You separate for a while, (of course do it during a vacation if your wondering when you have the time). With this you will send a huge blow, enough to wipe the virus out thus ending this lesson.

Read the conclusion to review.

Conclusion:So we learned how to:Use minor damage of the advanced shock therapyUse medium damage of the advanced shock therapyUse the maximum damage of shock therapy

3 comments:

Here’s a example if you need it. I’m doing homework and my mom just yells at me when I ask what’s for dinner. Also, when I’m taking a bath my mom yells at me from the kitchen to stop taking a bath while I was in for only ten minutes. Then my mom completely ignores me. You could say that I have a miserable life but don’t you remember that I find my ways to be happy. (points all the way up to *****’s phases, Sadistic phase)

I don't think in phases like that much. I tend to divide life up by the Buddhist Wheel of Life Picture. There in the clutches of death, with dependent origination in the outer circle like the twelve hours of a clock, and with the upward and downward paths and three poisons in the middle, reside the varous states of mind. There is the animal mind, slumbering, eating, and largely ignorant of everything. There is the hungry ghost mind, desiring, consuming, but never satisfied. There is the hell realm divided between the cold hell of shame and depression and the hot hell of anger and hate. The human realm is where we are able to stop and look at who we are and what really matters in life. The realm of Titans is the striving competitive mind. The wish giving tree represents whatever winning is. It could be a chess game, a human object like a boyfriend, or overcoming some deficit. The heavenly realm is the mind of bliss. We have tasted of the tree and we are happy. None of the states are permanent and we cycle through them often. Good behaviors and practices lead to more time in pleasant realms, but all the minds come and go.

I guess good parenting would be being aware of our internal state, and recognising what mind the child was in, and applying some sort of skillful word-deed, or non-word-deed, as the circumstance warrants.

I wonder what that might be?

Thanks for the information from Spock to shock.

Being a parent or child can be far more difficult than chess. And it can be far better too.