Their stories: Area gays tell of their lives here

January 16, 2004|By Beth Anne Piehl News-Review Staff Writer

Jason Vallad and Dave Scholl share a warm, well-maintained and roomy home together in Mancelona, where outside a gay pride flag flies high. Brightly painted walls and photographs complement a modern kitchen, while two dogs roam the spacious property that is tidy and kempt.

And they've even got a two-car garage.

Sound like any typical couple?

"We're just like everybody else," said Vallad, 35.

The two men met in Mancelona in 1997, when Vallad spotted Scholl, now 40, at the grocery store and pursued meeting him. They went canoeing down the Jordan River on their first date.

"I knew from a young age," Scholl offered, about discovering his sexual orientation. "Suddenly, all your buddies are starting to like girls and you're starting to like them."

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He was 30 when he came out to his family.

"Mine were awesome," he said. "They said, 'If that's the way you are, that's great. We love you.'"

Vallad came out to most friends after graduation from East Jordan High School in 1987, though he kept his male relationships quiet from his parents until he met Scholl at age 27.

The two held a commitment ceremony in their yard, and about six months later he told his mom, then his dad.

"From that point on, he's accepted Dave like a son," said Vallad, a Boyne City hairstylist.

The two say they've not experienced any harassment or prejudice because of their relationship. "I believe 75 percent of the population doesn't care whether you're gay or not," Vallad said.

And that goes for gay rights, Scholl said: "If I had the opportunity, I'd ask people to take religion out of it and tell me why I don't deserve …"

Finished Vallad: " … the same rights as they have."

Losing two partners, trying to move on

Chris G. met Maryann at age 29, and it was true love for the next 20 years.

Chris was the second of six children, and the first of two openly gay children in her family.

"My mother was ahead of her time," said Chris, a 59-year-old Pellston woman. "My mom was very accepting of anyone and everyone. I never really had to come out; I always knew I was different."

After Maryann's parents died, the two moved into a house downstate, hoping one day to move to the Douglas Lake area where Chris grew up. Her grandparents at one time owned the Douglas Lake Bar, and she attended Pellston Elementary School.

They didn't get the chance. Maryann underwent a quadruple bypass and Chris said her quality of life never recovered. She died in 1992.

Chris was alone for more than two years. "Finally, I decided it was time to go on with my life," she said.

She started attending a gay and lesbian church with friends in Detroit, where she eventually met Diane.

In October 1998, they held what Chris calls a holy union ceremony in their church and in 2001, they bought a home together in Pellston, where Chris lives today alone, with two cats and a dog.

Diane died this past August, after eight years with Chris, from a degenerative muscle disease.

She hopes by telling her story she'll offer a personal perspective on the gay community and help dissipate lingering prejudice.

"I did not choose this," she said. "My brother did not choose this. Who would choose to be considered a lower-class citizen in today's society? I don't think of myself that way, of course, but I know that perception is out there."

Please put this a factbox in the next section about the Boyne City men

Finding 'Friends'

More information about the Friends Up North social group for gays and lesbians in the region can be found on the Web: www.friendsupnorth.com

'Friends' founders

J. Michael Sehr says "I came out of the closet with a vengeance in 1968 and have never looked back. Never once in all these years have I ever not been willing to discuss my homosexuality with anyone."

Sehr and his partner, Gary Deters, are long-time Boyne City residents, Sehr owning Self Indulgence hair salon and Deters owning a real estate business. On several occasions, Sehr has had customers and clients react with surprise when told the men are gay.

"Makes you wonder what they were thinking about the two guys that lived together all these years," said Sehr. "Even now that we are in our 50s, people still refer to us as the 'Boys on Wildwood Harbor Road' …

"In fact, some just know us as a couple and forget that we are gay."

While living up north, the men have been open and active in trying to give the gay community a sense of togetherness.

They started the Friends Up North club, which hosts social events for gays. For the past 10 years, they've hosted a gay pride picnic, attended by more than 300, and each month they try to organize a regular activity (the Web site is www.friendsupnorth.com).

Sehr said he's happy to share his life publicly if it helps others understand what it is to be gay.

"I feel that due to the openness of our relationship, many people have put a familiar face to homosexuality and eased some tension about the stigmas and stereotypes," Sehr said.