Friday, February 05, 2010

A Stupid Plan

That's what this trip to Tucson, AZ for SSUSA is. No two ways about it. I leave directly from school at 12:30 tomorrow. I have just enough time to get to the airport, if all goes well. I don't even know what horrible thing is going to happen yet, but it's already sounding foreboding.

Chelada Challenge NewsBefore I go on, just in case you missed yesterday's post, you could go look at the post itself but here's the deal:

For every $50 that gets dropped into my Paypal account (donate button, upper right there) between now and tomorrow morning (Friday Feb 4th) by 11:00 AM, I will consume one tall boy of Chelada. DURING THE SSUSA RACE. What's that, it's too expensive you say? Exactly. I am not going to make this easy on you because it ain't gonna be easy on me. I will also be capping my intake at six cans. Just six cans OK. Only six. This doesn't mean that you have to donate $50 yourself, just so long as the total is $50. And to sweeten the deal I will be rounding up to the nearest $100. Which in my thinking means that if I raise $151 I will drink 4 tall boys of Chelada.

Documentation. All my cameras are working and will be along for the ride with me. I will either be taking Helmet Hero footage or Canon Digital Elph video footage of the drinking of each can. That I promise...um, dude.

As of 10PM Thursday night we have raised exactly $0.00 toward our goal, I'm going to take this as a gesture of kindness on the part of Big Bikes readers and not as a sign of the unfathomable unpopularity of Big Bikes. People just don't want to see me ON VIDEO puking tomato/clam juice and beer into Dejay Birtch's ample sideburns in the Arizona desert. Hey suit yourself.

To honor Eric and Zen's donations to "my cause" I will drink at least one Chelada during the event. I'm still curious just how horrible those things are.

We now continue with our regularly scheduled program...

I realized about two hours ago that "my" bicycle hard-case (really my equestrian friend Deborah's. She now has a much larger hard-case for when she flies with her horse.) was missing. Seems I forgot to retrieve it after lending it out last time around. Thing is I hadn't even planned to use it. I had this brilliant idea that I was going to screw the airline while they were trying to screw me; only they have the fine print on their side.

I thought I could get away with splitting my bike into two small boxes: a wheel box and a frame box. I recall only getting charged the $25 (now) standard baggage fee for a wheel box when I went down to NC a while back. But just to be sure, I checked Delta's baggage guidelines. They go with the length + width + height must = 62 inches or less total so we can totally screw you equation. My wheel box was bigger than that. I'm pretty sure most suitcases are bigger than that, but they look at a suitcase and go "suit...case," they look at a small box and go "smaller...but...not...suit...case...me...want...money!"

If they deem that your luggage is oversize or "special" they will hit you with a $175 fee per item. AAH! That means if they nailed me for both items (which according to their demented rules would be well within their rights) I would end up paying $375 as a result of attempting to get of the $175 bike case fee. Even I am not quite dumb enough to play the odds on that one. Long story short...oh wait that is the long story, I opted to go with the bike case and walk into Delta check-in fully prepared for the brutal financial reaming that awaits me.

Now I just need a bike case. Right now I'm waiting for my neighbors Matt and Mo (ya I got awesome neighbors) to get home so I can steal one of theirs.

I'll get into Tucson around 10PM and head straight to The Surly Wench (not The Surly Wrench as I've been calling it all week) for registration and maybe a beer. I'll be heading to The bar in Randy Jacobs car, which will also be serving as my sleeping quarters. Depending on how things go or go off, I will either be sleeping (Tucson man-raper-and-murderers stop reading...now) outside The Surly Wench in Randy's Honda (hey Tucson man-raper-and-murderers you can start reading again but will you go ahead and tell the Tucson bike thieves to stop reading...now) with my Superfly SS locked to a pole outside (OK Tucson bike thieves you can start reading again. Hi Tucson man-raper-murderers, why are you still here? Why are you looking at me like that? You're freaking me out.). I may head out to Sooter's house that night or wait until the AM. Of course if somebody says "hey you can sleep on our couch as long as you promise not to make us look like assholes on your blog," I might take them up on it.

At some point I have to find time to put my bike together before the 9AM roll out. Ouch, why so damn early? Grr, I'm a tough single-speeder, I ride really, really hungover, grr, grr!" Then it's 47 miles of riding with my new best friends!

2 comments:

I don't understand why a country as great as your own can never seem to get these things right.Clamato is not for mixing with beer in order to cycle better. Lets face it anything Bud sells really shouldn't be called beer anyway. Beer is too fizzy for optimal cycling. You should be riding with Bloody ceasars.That is the drink a Bloody Mary would be if it wa fro men instead of little girls and little girly boys.

Now putting away 6 of those on and epic race will assure two things.No excess gassiness to contend with and in the event of a get off No Pain. Please note these are made with Clamato juice before it has been sodomized with that somewhat beer like sludge from Bud.

About Big Bikes

I am a Blogger/Writer/Video-hack guy for hire. I write product reviews and other weirdness for BikeRumor. I cover races and do interviews for Cyclingdirt. I come over here to talk weird and curse a lot.