“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.”

–

Alan Bennett

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Life is tricky. While there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door sometimes … well … you look outside one morning and they have all gone to have a scone at starbucks. Gone. All the second chances gone. And you are alone.

This is “now” and you can’t play the ‘next time’ card or ask the next second chance to come on in. You can’t say “uhm … can you wait a minute?” <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>.

Nope.

Its now or never.

And this gets even trickier because while I suggested a line of second chances typically hangs out outside your door — they don’t really stand around. You just kind of envision, and hope, they are hanging around.

What that means is this is a judgment call on your part.

Now. If it helps the anxiety wracking your body at the moment, the odds are with you. Life DOES give you a shitload of second chances and timeouts and next times. Probably more than you could ever use in a lifetime as a matter of fact.

But that’s not the point.

This is about the moment when the odds say “oops … none of them available.” It says “now or never”. Life walks right on up to you and says … ‘what’s your call?’

I would note that recognizing this moment is actually a judgment call – judgement as in actually recognizing all the second chances are gone and ‘this is it.’ Yup. Life doesn’t say (in an aside whisper) … “Hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

(sorry about that)

You just gotta know. I guess the point of this is to remind everyone that while Life is extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances, there are going to be now or never moments.

And you have to be prepared for them.

And do your best to recognize them.

And make a call.

Oh. And, I imagine, it is also important to recognize afterwards, if you fucked up and didn’t see it, that it was a ‘now or never’ moment. That is important because … well … you cannot undo or go back or ask for a second chance. Yup. There is no going back, or undoing, or even a glimpse of a ‘do-over.’ Because, well, it was a now or never moment.

It is done with you and you are done with it.

It is gone.

Move on.

Don’t beat yourself up (wasted energy).

Don’t try and fix it.

Live & learn.

It sucks but, trust me, more often than not you will get another ‘now or never’ opportunity again one day <whether you want it or not>

And … at that moment … remember … “sometimes there is no next time” because it pays to recognize one of these moments when they arise. It pays because, uhm, now or never moments tend to matter.

At some point in our lives pretty much all of us have had a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’in us. Of course, that was before the world & Life beat it out of us and suggested that maybe we aim a little lower.

Ok.

A lot lower.

Well. The world, and Life, was, and is, wrong. This is one of those things we should never have beaten out of us.

Let me repeat.

NEVER let it get beaten out of you.

Let me tell you why this may be one of the most important things we should pay attention to.

There is no lack of problems in today’s world.

There is no lack of people who need saving.

There is no lack of ideas that need saving.

And let’s be clear … you do not need an “everything is fucked and we’re all going to die” attitude to see this.

It just is.

Its quite possible when you do ponder this it may appear easier to just say “I need to focus on my own happiness” .

Well. Research has shown over and over again that our true happiness and self worth is attained when we aspire to being dynamic beyond our own purpose <be part of something bigger than just ‘me’>. Our happiness is actually more like ‘meaningfulness’ and meaningfulness is most likely achieved when our purpose isn’t about us (self), but rather investing energy in just making things better. There are a number of people who I highly recommend (Zach Mercurio, Perry Timms, Gustavo Razzetti, Dr. Jason Fox) who will speak to this thought with research and psychological underpinnings.

I take a simple approach to the topic.

Here is a Life truth.

Life can suck if you let it.

And things will always remain sucky if you let it.

You can either do something or not do something. And you can do some important things or you can do unimportant things.

That’s the gig. Simple as that.

But here is what I can tell you for sure. Doing something … and doing important things … gives meaning & purpose and all that Maslow stuff which makes you feel self-value. In other words, in a world that may suck or at least may appear to suck <and has some obvious sucky things about it>, if you choose to try and save the world in some way you will not suck.

You don’t have to save the world all at once. You can start saving small … a penny at a time. All you gotta do is choose any frickin’ penny you see lying on the ground <that’s a bad metaphor for ‘some issue’ by the way>.

Just pick a problem and start saving the world one penny at a time. Before you know it you will have made a dollar difference … and maybe more if you are really lucky.

There are so many to choose from you cannot go wrong in saving the world … you can start saving at any time in fact.

Will you solve it? Most likely not.

Will you contribute to the solution? Most likely yes.

Most importantly … will you make a difference? Yes.

Like small pebbles dropped in a pond the ripple reaches much much farther than you can see from where you stand.

And you know what?

You will feel better about yourself. Even if you are only one penny richer at the end of the day … well … you are richer.

So, maybe, rather than falling in love with yourself or investing in ‘being resent’ or even actively seeking to make yourself happy, you might do well to get to work on solving the problems that prevent the world from being truly exceptional. You become richer by making the world around you a richer place to live.

By the way.

If along the way you are the only person you save … well … you have done good, kid.

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Are you a good friend? A kind companion? How do you treat others?

Those are the things that are a better definition of beauty.’

—-

Sara Ramirez

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I imagine all of us want to be seen by everyone as ‘something.’ In my mind this ‘something’ isn’t fame or some high falutin’ title or even being rich, instead, its to be recognized characteristically as something. This is not something shallow, but something a little deeper that defines you. Yes. I think we all want, in some degree, to be recognized for character, not some material or tangible thing.

That said. This means, in reality, driving toward that ‘something’ is incredibly fairly innocuous & incredibly difficult to define in a way everyone knows what good is and what bad is. The ‘something’ will vary from person to person meaning a shitload of us want to be seen as smart, or well rounded, or beautiful, or funny, or … well … pick your personal poison.

I could suggest that is kind of a shallow something.

Okay.

I will.

That is a shallow ‘something.’

And what makes that shallow worse is that by making that a fairly significant portion of how we choose to define ourselves we spend an inordinate amount of time & energy planning for ‘someday’ when that ‘something’ is played back to us as our defining characteristic.

Uhm.

Well.

If you are not careful … someday stealthily sneaks up on you as ‘today … and then yesterday … and then day by day it just becomes your Life.

Unfortunately Life is not just an image.

Unfortunately Life is ultimately not that shallow.

Unfortunately you have to leave the shallow end of the pool at some point and venture into the deep end in order to find … well … value.

Despite what marketing & advertising & branding folk may suggest, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

Despite what Instagram suggests, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

This doesn’t mean it isn’t tempting nor does it mean society doesn’t spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to convince you image matters.

But the truth is image without substance is simply a façade … a mask.

I can unequivocally state that the number of people who can maintain an entire life behind a mask is minuscule. It is extremely difficult to maintain that façade for an entire Life. It is like trying to play out an act … forever. Someone can do it for a while and fewer can figure out how to build the trappings which can hold the act together, but to hold all of that together for a Lifetime takes some luck, some clever skills, some bravado to appease the cynics & skeptics and, ultimately, some ability to keep the lack of substance out of the spotlight & questioning.

Suffice it to say … it takes a lot of work to wear a mask an entire Life.

And maybe that is my larger point.

We all want to eventually be seen as ‘something.’ And we all would prefer that something be of value to those who recognize it and of value to our self-worth.

That means.

If you are not careful you can spend a significant portion of your Life chasing some definition, some ‘something’ you are recognized by — that has little or no real value to oneself.

By the way. I am not suggesting this is easy. Society encourages shallowness. It can do so in a variety of ways but the main way is simple – measurement.

The shallowest ‘somethings’ are easy to see, easy to assess and easy to measure versus either society standards or versus others. Likes, followers, being labeled an ‘influencer’ or, heck, even earning some ‘label’ which could be construed as approval are all measurements which make the shallow aspects of Life more tangible.

The deepest ‘somethings’ – good, soul, character, integrity … shit like that — are difficult to measure and, frankly, the definition is earned over time and with consistent behavior. You cannot expect instant gratification, at least external gratification, if you pursue a ‘deeper something.’ In other words, you are less likley to gain the visible rwards in as large a quanitty versus pursiing more shallow value.

Sigh.

Well. Here is what I know:

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Image is just an image.

How about this.

Image is like masturbation.

A deeper something is like making love.

I tend to believe we all want more.

We all want that kind of self-value that is deeper.

We all want more than just an image.

….. impact of Warehouse of Images (before Instagram existed) …..

It is a Life truth that Image is seductive. And, in fact, this is where technology has made Life more difficult. As Alvin Toffler pointed out in Future Shock before the internet our visual comparisons were limited by the sphere of physical contact with external interspersed creating a semi-controlled universe of ‘standards.’ With the advent of the internet Toffler warned us the sphere would increase exponentially which would be additional psychological pressures upon people they had not faced before. I would argue he was prescient and much of the social pressure young people feel today is driven by a larger universe in Instagram, Facebook, etc. of unrealistic comparisons.

The good news? Shallow pursuit of personal value is, well, shallow. And most of us, given the opportunity to pursue a deeper more meaningful value will choose that path.

We find that path attractive because, well, it is a Life truth that if you want more than image, and look deeper within for that ‘something’, you will find a better definition of yourself.

Every year around “Black Friday” I get asked about the value of marketing in a capitalistic society. Here is my view on whether Marketing is evil (or ethical versus unethical). Vilhjamur (from the quote) was a kick ass anthropologist (known for his description of the “Blond Eskimo” which is a Copper Inuit), his discovery of new lands in the Arctic, his approach to travel and exploration, and his theories of health and diet. I am not sure what the hell he knew about advertising, but he did say the quote I used.

I believe marketing people generally fall into three buckets.

1. Those who fabricate unimportant truths and tell you that they are important <these people are hacks and should be fired and told to pick up trash on the sides of highways>

2. Those who use existing unimportant truths and convince you that they are important <this is the largest group and will vary on a spectrum between those who do this knowingly – which puts them close to the highway garbage category – and those who are blissfully ignorant of what they are doing>

3. Those who take important truths and tell you that they are important <scarily this group may have the toughest job because we people are consistently uninterested in many important truths>

It would be nice to suggest this is a simple 1 to 3 scale or, at minimum, a one to 5 scale, but I believe someone could quite successfully argue this three group scoring would be a 1 to 10 scale with lots of broad interpretation and lots of caveats & excuses. Before any marketing person starts blathering about with caveats & excuses please make sure you read Bill Bernbach’s “Do this or Die” advertisement he wrote to advertising & marketing people (see marketing is evil part 2).

All that said I empathize with people who suggest marketing is evil (evil being a broader term for “convincing people to buy shit they don’t really need or want to buy before they saw the marketing”).

I empathize because if I were to do some scoring I believe I would tend to see a lot of 4’s and 5’s.

I empathize because I just don’t see a lot of marketing that seems to approach selling stuff from a “what is in the best interest of the people” perspective.

Look. I am all for capitalism and selling stuff, but a lot of marketing seems to lack a deeper moral/ethical substance. Not all, but some <a lot>. What makes it even more difficult to defend and discuss is that it is really difficult to put your finger on the core issue/rot/compromise that seems to creep into the internal moral compass one would hope marketers would have.

Why? Because of what I called ‘unimportant truths versus important truths.’ Both of which are truths just with some interpretation issues thrown in to make it all fuzzy.

About marketing truths

A beginning thought:

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“Record companies are in the marketing business. Fashion probably wasn’t evil before marketing people got involved and tried to invent themselves and sell it to America’s youth by convincing them that the rest of America’s youth was already partaking. Fashion probably began as a groundswell of beauty: the tribe enjoying the way the buildings look and music sounds, right now, in this moment. That’s valuable because it allows for substance to shift styles. But marketing will do anything to avoid substance and engage only in style. No longer beauty that falls from trees like apples, fashion becomes shiny, scary chemical candy, unnatural and unhealthy.”

Kristen Hersh

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Ok. There are so many great thoughts within it … well … it is scary.

‘fashion probably began as a groundswell of beauty.”

Think about this one. This is a big thought, much bigger than just about the fashion industry, & relevant to all of marketing. This whole thought revolves around substance versus style as the issue. It suggests marketing has no substance … hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … or, maybe better said, it thrives less on substance than style. Here is the bigger thought hidden in there … “valuable because it allows for substance to shift styles.”

So. Substance creates beauty all on its own and marketing creates style to showcase that which may, or may not, have substance. Or, as earlier noted, maybe marketing becomes dependent upon unimportant truths.

Oh, even worse, “created truths” (a creative way of saying ‘lies’).

Ok. Does this alone make marketing evil? No. Ok, well, not all the time.

Because the key is substance and the truths that reside within.

Marketing has a habit of “creating truths.” Yeah … yeah .. yeah … someone is gonna come back and suggest “no, we aren’t creating truths, we are simply uncovering truths.”

Semantics.

Marketing is in the business of tearing apart the fabric of thought and identifying specific threads within the fabric that may be worth pointing out to people. In the end? It is a thread. And not the fabric.

An example?

“Stores Create More Holidays; Tissues Made for Summer, Pink Irons for Fall”

(Wall Street Journal in august 2011)

People see 4 seasons (unless you live in California or the North Pole) but retailers see anywhere from 13 to 20 seasons. All designed to get shoppers into their stores and buy stuff.

The fabric? The season. The threads? The 13 to 20 “seasons” retailers see.

Once again, is this evil, or lying, or even “unimportant truths”? This is a really really gray area. Creating more holidays. They are creating more sales, but inevitably they are just trying to create more interest. They do all of this because retailers want impulse purchases (oh, by the way, which naturally happen to any of us … and marketing doesn’t create this … you <your own head> creates this).

Anyway. Suffice it to say what they do is try to get you in the store more often because the more often you visit the more likely you are to buy stuff. Marketing does all of this quite thoughtfully.

So. Research says the average retail shopper visits a store once every two to three weeks. And shoppers go to the grocery store every seven to 10 days. That means traditional retailers added grocery items hoping to make people make more frequent shopping trips.

Do I begrudge retailers this? Nope. They have a business to run. And by being so “thoughtful” are they evil <in their quasi-manipulation of us shopping folk>? Nope.

And are they lying? Nope.

Let’s tear apart the fabric a little more.

In other words, let me try and and help you understand why there are a boatload of people out there who say marketing is evil. Because this next example really starts talking about “unimportant truths” and, in the end, we are talking about some sense of mental manipulation.

Let’s look how they do it to see if its lying or evil. Let’s look at a retailer’s 4, oops, 13 season year:

– Superbowl

– New Year’s Resolutions (January)

– Lawn and Garden (April)

– Back to School/College(July through August)

– Gifts for children; early entertaining décor (October, November)

– Last-minute gifts, stocking stuffers, food/entertaining (December)

– Health and Wellness January features exercise equipment, supplements and vitamins, items tied to shoppers’ New Year’s resolutions

– Holiday Entertaining and Gifting (November, begins the day after black Friday)

– Organization and Storage(January)

(and I am sure I missed a couple in there as well as I probably got some of the dates wrong, but, you get the point)

Why do they do this? Research shows that people are usually willing to spend more during “special seasons” and even more dollars if they are spending on their children.

Look. I don’t believe marketing is evil, but it is surely “wily smart” in that it is always seeking to find conscious or subconscious triggers to motivate behavior to encourage people to consume things.

But. Here is a truth. Impulse or not, marketing cannot really make someone do something they don’t want to do. I would also point out in today’s world with return guarantees, free return shipping, etc., it is almost next to impossible to maintain what could be construed as impulsive behavior decision (because it can so easily be “undone”).

Marketing is a business. You can certainly expect a retailer, and marketers, to make shopping as much of a science as possible. By “science” I mean by often “managing unimportant truths.” In addition, they will build model stores, displays and end-caps (things at the end of the aisles) to see what makes people buy the most.

Once again, is that evil? Nope. It’s just being smart about your business.

In general I don’t think marketing is the embodiment of the Evil Empire. I think most Marketing people just try to do the best job they can to sell things they represent.

Now. “The best” can be pretty bad at times.

Simplistically. Bad marketing is bad. And ignorance, or doing what you believe is the right thing to do, is no excuse for bad marketing or making the unimportant important. Good marketing sells substance or (still good) expresses the existing emotional relationships people have with products.

On marketing’s good days it ultimately helps the best companies and products win over the bad stuff.

On marketing’s BEST days they actually get people to believe the important truths.

Next.

Evil: confusing evil messaging and evil actions

I brought up the unimportant versus important truths upfront because I believe marketing‘s evilness really should be defined by that. But. issues gets compounded not just by what they say, but also by how and when they say it.

So beyond the message we shouldn’t get confused by marketer’s actions (which are mostly not evil, just absurdly annoying – which I imagine could be construed as some level of evilness). I do wish more marketers would pay attention to information available to them. According to Pitney Bowes research, consumers surveyed in France, Germany, the UK and the U.S. have indicated which marketing activities draw them closer and which act as a repellent. If marketers would pay attention, people are quite clear about what they want from marketing interactions. If marketers would pay attention they would clearly see many of their actions are simply not having the intended effect. Worse, inappropriate communications often diminish a brand’s attractiveness, thereby losing people’s interest and ultimately even existing customers opt out.

So. The good things? Customer satisfaction surveys. 75% were fine with them. Great opportunity for marketers to “not sell” but rather learn and create customized messaging/experiences based on each consumer’s preferences.

“This survey confirms that brands should listen to consumers before they send out their communications. Every interaction must honor the interests of the customer first, only then is a relevant offer or call to action acceptable to consumers. Each conversation between a brand and a customer is an opportunity to delight or disappoint. We’re all learning how to do more of the former and less of the latter.”

PitneyBowes Reasearch

On websites, 59% say they appreciate personalization such as “Welcome <name>.” For transactional sites, especially where purchases are being made, it can be reassuring to know that the site recognizes your personal account details and has a record of interactions to draw upon <note: ‘personalization’ is being discussed in some fairly absurd creepy ways these days>.

Okay. Now the annoying stuff. And where marketing, I believe, just doesn’t help itself. Efforts which are meant to be inviting but are just plain irritating to most consumers.

– Asking customers to support a brand’s charity or ethical concerns (84%)

– Sending offers from third-parties (83%)

– Encouraging interaction with other consumers via an online community (81%).

Is this stuff evil? Of course not. But if you add these actions on top of the fact a marketer is most likely communicating an “unimportant truth” it is not only annoying but it is irrelevant. You have been intrusive and unimportant.

The double kiss of death.

Anyway.

Evil is always associated with people.

Truth or lie.

Annoying actions or relevant actions.

It all comes down to who is pulling the trigger. Here is where marketing runs into its most trouble: marketing people. Ok. Maybe it’s not the people , it’s just their common sense decision-making that seems to run into trouble. All too often it seems the marketing people manage to run into troubling ethical dilemmas and inevitably make some really bad, or certainly questionable, choices (with a consumer’s perspective in mind).

Most of the time these bad choices consist of less than the entire truth … or full disclosure of information the customer would want to know to make a reasonable decision. Let’s call this “selective truth telling.” Or, as earlier pointed out, selecting one thread in the fabric to point out. Or even “trying to convince you an unimportant truth is … well … important.” And, at its worst? Trying to convince you an unimportant truth is REALLY important. This is probably the best example of “the lie of silence” (which I have written about before). It’s all very tricky because most products & services tend to be good, useful products. And the ethical dilemma is how much information is it okay to hide <not tell> from the buyer to make a sale.

Oh. Silence. Omission. This is where many marketers will hide behind the excuse “but we only have so much time to capture someone’s attention.”

Shame on those marketers. You always have time to tell the important truth. And, in your heart of hearts, a good marketer knows that honesty and important truths win in the long run.

In the end, I do believe the thought of marketing as evil (in a true sense) is absurd. In an abstract sense (like Kristen mentions in her quote I used)? Well. Possibly. Evil is a strong word. It could be truly that marketing, when gone awry, can warp the true essence of the intent. And that may seem evil, but it is just wrong.

However.

Evil or not.

As a marketer myself, I would like to remind all marketers we have a responsibility. What we say and what we do DOES impact what people think and ultimately can affect what they do. With that ‘power’ comes a responsibility.

And it would be evil, yes, evil for us to forget that.

Black Friday seems to bring out the worst in marketing. Maybe it is because on that one day, above all, Marketing people forget their greater responsibility in their pursuit of a business responsibility – sell shit. And maybe that is where I should end. Its not about evil or good, or ethical versus unethical, its about not being a shit while selling shit. Period.

“Each one of us, then, should speak of his roads, his crossroads, his roadside benches; each one of us should make a surveyor’s map of his lost fields and meadows.

Thoreau said that he had a map of his fields engraved in his soul. And Jean Wahl once wrote … [“] The frothing of the hedges / I keep deep inside me [“] … Thus we cover the universe with drawings we have lived.”

—

Gaston Bachelard

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“You have to live a life to understand it. Tourists just pass through.”

—

Prince

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Well. This is about Experiences and how each experience we have creates an imprint. In other words. Why experiencing things & experiences are important.

Let me give you a reason not only for living, but experiencing Life. And I don’t means “savoring Life” type trite bullshit. I mean experiencing what is going on around you and being aware, to participate in Life … and actually experience the realities of the here & now <and not divert your attention toward some imaginative “boy, I imagined something completely different than what is occurring”>. Nor am I going to hijack any of that nutjob Eckhardt Tolle’s “live in the now” nonsense.

All I will suggest is that each experience, especially when you pay some attention to it, etches something in us.

Think of it like acquiring a tattoo. If you do accept the tattoo metaphor <or is that an analogy?> it seems to me you should take some care with what gets engraved upon you.

Why care?

The fact is Life is in constant movement and it can become incredibly tiring trying to dance with it all day long. In addition, your dance partner, named either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, typically arrives without invitation. I would suggest more of us would be slightly more content if we didn’t focus on the fact our dance partner made us smile <lets assume that is “good”> or is a complete asshole <lets call that dance partner “bad”>, but instead focus on the dance itself.

That, my friends, is experiencing Life.

The steps, the movement, that path and arc of the dance and the fields upon which our feet are placed in their movement. Thoreau tells us ‘ he had the map of his fields engraved in his soul.’ That is because he not only walked them, but he saw and felt the steps as he placed them.

This is all about recognizing the value of being aware. And it is this perceptive appreciation of the time & place, past & present, permits us a healthy balance of reality and memory.

Even better?

This awareness actually permits us to embed the moments better in our heads. This isn’t to say we will remember it correctly <because psychologically we suck at correctly & accurately remembering things> but rather the moments themselves are engraved upon us.

To be clear. This ‘thing’ we embed is actually a reflection of the natural gap in our minds between the complexity of reality and our ability to experience the complexity. What I mean by that is we tend to view reality heuristically. Therefore we don’t truly see reality but rather a simplified translation. Unfortunately, this simplified version naturally builds in some blind spots.

Now. There is a whole bunch of psychological mumbo jumbo about ‘dimensions of recognition’ and ‘symbolic complementariness of the person’s first-hand life events/involvements’, but it is much easier for everyday schmucks like you and I to think of it in a linear fashion — any initial connective personal involvement in a moment begets some reflection <how it may relate to other moments> which inevitably creates some ongoing narrative in our head.

Aw. Forget all the psychological stuff. Simplistically, the map of our Life is engraved upon our minds (if not our soul) assuming we actually are aware enough to experience the map as we traverse it. That is why awareness matters — our universe deserves to be covered with our drawings.

I am fairly sure a lot of people will read this and be shaking their heads going “I have great memories … I could cover my universe with drawings, you aren’t telling me anything of value”.

And you may be right. Absolutely. You may be.

But I would suggest that most people would actually end up papering their universe with someone else’s drawings of their experience … like taping postcards on the wall of everywhere you have been. That is not covering your universe with drawings of what you have lived.

Those are simply superficial surface expressions of real actual experience.

Let me go back to my tattoo metaphor.

If I were to get a tattoo on my soul I imagine, at least me, I would not choose a tattoo of a postcard, but rather I would prefer choosing an expression of what I felt when I placed my feet where that postcard was. In other words, I don’t want my tattoo to be a tourist with Life, I want it to be an expression of how I lived it.

It’s after Thanksgiving but I still have a couple of thoughts because … well … I had them on Thanksgiving and forgot to share the thoughts with everyone.

My thoughts center around 2 things.

Thanks.

And … ‘giving’.

First.

Thanks.

And this one will be different from me.

I am an unequivocal diehard ‘love my independence’ person but instead of celebrating independence I am suggesting maybe we give thanks for dependence.

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“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.”

—-

William Jennings Bryan

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Maybe it is the one day we should celebrate dependence on friends and great company and those around us who help life not only be bearable … but actually good.

Maybe it is the one day we should celebrate dependence upon other citizens and great people who enable us to get up, earn a living, have freedom to think & say what we think & want to say and … well … drive our cars from here to there without getting in an accident everyday.

Celebrate the fact we don’t, and honestly cannot, be happy and successful in life solely by being independent.

Life is meant to be dependent upon others in some form or fashion. We are social beings.

Without social & socializing and, well, I don’t know what you are <other than maybe a hermit>.

So.

Celebrate those you are dependent upon for being a better person.

Those who walk the way with you.

Second.

Giving.

Once again I will take a different path to giving. I speak not of giving to others … this is a selfish giving.

Maybe on Thanksgiving after contemplating thanks for those we are dependent upon … we take a moment and be a little selfish … and give ourselves a good dose of hope.

Yup.

Maybe we should use his day to give ourselves a little hope.

At minimum, no matter how you celebrate or don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, remember this …

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“Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths. At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings.

—-

Moskin

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Sure.

It is just one day in a year.

But.

Sometimes individual days can serve to be good reminders for all the rest of the days. I know it sounds a little desperate but … well … “at whatever straws you must grasp.”

Thanksgiving is a straw.

It is a good day to take a moment of reflection on new beginnings and hope for what comes next.

So maybe we should take a minute and grab a big plate of hope.

Anyway.

That is what I meant to say on Thanksgiving. Kind of seem like it still works, and is worth saying, on this little day after Thanksgiving.

“In London, everyone is different and that means that anyone can fit in.”

—–

Paddington Bear

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The great advantage of having a bear as a central character is that he can combine the innocence of a child with the sophistication of an adult. He gets involved in everyday situations. He has a strong sense of right and wrong and doesn’t take kindly to the red tape bureaucracy of the sillier rules and regulations with which we humans surround ourselves.

As a bear he gets away with things. Paddington is humanised, but he couldn’t possibly be ‘human’. It just wouldn’t work.

Michael Bond <Paddington author>

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Well.

Michael Bond, the Paddington Bear author, died yesterday.

First.

Michael … thank you for a fabulous contribution to millions of people’s lives.

My sister and I poured through your books as children.

I still have the original set of Paddington books our parents bought for us and in the first book, A Bear Called Paddington <where the marmalade-loving bear from Peru arrives in London>, you would find a neatly placed label where my sister’s name is written as the owner of the book.

Second.

To many in this generation Paddington is a charming movie. But it is within the books where children find some of the lessons which bear fruit in growing up and viewing Life.

In general … it is a story about fitting in and helping someone fit in … and the struggles that inherently come with this.

While Paddington is a refugee … or a likeable harmless immigrant without a home … what child hasn’t found themself looking in the mirror thinking they were different? How many children have found themselves in a new school or a new home or a new neighborhood facing the struggles of what you think you know and what other people think they know? Paddington, as a bear, permitted any child to step into his life and see what he sees.

He also taught us we can change not by changing but by seeing things about ourselves or about Life that we have overlooked.

He taught us to always polite and well-meaning <always addressing people as “Mr.”, “Mrs.” or “Miss”> but through his simplistic well-meaning ways he is consistently faced with spectacular gaffe after spectacular gaffe within the traditional 1950’s middle class world.

He also taught us to view Life as if in a mirror to showcase some of the absurdities we place upon ourselves and … well … how we have a nasty habit of making the unimportant important and the truly important often gets overlooked.

For example.

When he makes his well-intended errors he finds that ‘very proper persons’ <adults and those in authority positions> tend to glare at him.

What does he do?

He responds with a penetrating, long hard stare of his own <thinking this is the proper response>.

Lastly.

One of my favorite parts is this:

Mary: We can’t just leave him here.

Henry: Of course we can, he’s not our responsibility.

Paddington is as much about the people around Paddington as it is about Paddington himself. Time after time in his simplistic slightly bumbling way he reminds people of … well … our general source of humanity.

Responsibility for others.

The importance of home.

Friends.

Intentions.

Perspective.

Not all mistakes are created equal.

The list goes on and on.

Within a charming tale about a Peruvian bear in London a child gets glimpses of many things that adults seem to have forgotten.

Within this charming tale a child learns some of the little lessons parents forget to tell you when you are growing up.

Within this charming tale adults, like me, can pull a well-worn book off the shelf and be reminded that a good heart and good intentions can defeat the most established stuffy rules adulthood can often, quite absurdly, place upon all of us.

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

—

Shakespeare

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“The future is an inﬁnite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

–

Howard Zinn

=============

So.

This is about not being silent & a moment in which I believe I, and many others, will be defined. This topic has been on my mind for a while but I hadn’t figured out how to talk about it without being apocalyptic or overly dramatic. I know it has been on my mind since Trump entered into our lives <when is the last time you had a conversation where he wasn’t mentioned?> and lately I have found myself placing tags on my posts like “enlightened reading” or “enlightened thinking” or “enlightened politics” or … well … I guess I have been thinking about enlightened a lot. But this doesn’t feel like an ‘enlightened issue.’

And then I had lunch with a good friend the other day and out of the blue he says “this feels like one of those times when years from now people will be asking you what you were doing … or not doing.”

Yeah.

It does.

This does feel like “a moment in the tide in the affairs of man.”

This does feel like a moment in which people will define themselves. It does certainly feel like a time of angst.

An ‘apocalypse’? Certainly not.

Unrest and uneasiness and uncertainty? Absolutely yes.

And, frankly, in times like these it is tempting to sit back maybe, to be harsh, be lazy and fall back on our opinions and “what we believe” and mumble to ourselves, maybe bitch with our friends or just remain silent. But this seems to be more a time … uhm … no … this is “a time” more than ever to be defined.

Look around if you don’t believe me.

You can see it, if you look hard enough, that a shitload of people feel the same thing. You may get confused in thinking it is “whining democrats because they lost” or “establishment people afraid of losing their gravy train” or even simply “people afraid of change.” It’s more than, and less than, that. It’s the tide in the affairs of man.

And, yes, we can blame Trump for this defining moment time. But he is less relevant in this tide than you may think. He is simply riding the tide … and we are the many drops of water within the tide … the ebbs and flows and crests and furrows are ours to build and destroy.

Take note of what is happening. People feel this is a defining moment.

I don’t care if it is Hannity who has attached himself to Trump to rise and fall with the man himself <and not an ideology>. He is all in.

I don’t care if it is Jake Tapper on CNN who appears to be attaching himself to truth & facts. He is all in.

I don’t care if it is Meryl Streep who has attached herself to celebrity moral authority. She is all in.

I don’t care if it is the millions who walked in a women’s march without any real reason other than it felt like they should. They want to be all in <on something>.

I don’t care if it is someone who fills out petitions and sends $5 to whatever organization possible. That person is all in on something.

I don’t care if it is a white nationalist who now attaches their feelings to real words said in public or statement clothing. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone who has their senators on speed dial and calls them every morning during their commute to just leave a message with whatever is on their mind. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone who attaches themselves to ‘deplorable’ without really knowing what embracing deplorable really means other than it permits them to make a statement. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone like me … someone who hasn’t given a rat’s ass about politics up until now … who now writes pieces, posts almost every day and emails writings & thoughts to different people … from Mark Cuban to John Lewis to John Kasich … The National Review to The Guardian to CNN … hoping that someone somewhere will affect this tide of affairs of man. I am all in.

People are choosing sides, and places, to be “all in.” That is what I mean when I say I tend to believe we all feel the tide of affairs shifting. As we feel this ‘tide’ a range of emotions surges — some excited riding the tide and many many others desperately, and helplessly, feeling like they are fighting a tide they don’t like or do not understand <and this where we see some angry people … as they feel helpless struggling in this tide of affairs>.

This is a defining moment.

I think we all know that this moment is different. In the past, maybe without truly consciously thinking about it, we recognize most moments actually create their definition … because, for the most part, they are all about creating something from nothing. That is different than this moment.

In this moment, in this time and place, something is happening of which we have to create … well … nothing. There is so much actually existing & around us that we are only being asked to shape it. And, in doing this shaping, we are actually building something a little different within the moments we elect to stand up and define ourselves … well … building “us” … okay … maybe it is building “me or I.”

This moment is different because it demands that we take a whole bunch of seemingly meaningless little moments … almost unrecognizable … that have got us to where we are attitudinally, intellectually and physically … and stop and speak out in some way that will be meaningful to us for the rest of our lives.

And. In this moment … I would suggest that this is not the time to define yourself by standing against something but rather standing up & for something. This is not the moment to be “anti” something but rather “pro” something. ‘Anti’ suggests you can turn, or stem, the tide of affairs when the reality of ‘affairs of men’ would most likely suggest a tide is a tide and affairs will be affairs and by being ‘pro’ it may be possible to show which harbor the tide should enter. Don’t define by what you are against … define by what you are for.

That said. I could suggest that for many of us this is a “now or never” time.

========

“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.”

Alan Bennett

============

In the general tide of affairs of men there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door.

And then, in the tide there comes a time when you look outside one morning and all those second chances are gone to Starbucks. Just gone. And you are alone.

And you can’t play the next time card or ask the next second chance to come on in. or say … uhm … can you wait a minute? <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>

Nope. It’s now or never. Life is looking right at people, right at you & me, and saying … ‘okay, what’s your call?’

And this is actually your judgment call and no one else’s. This is your defining moment and your decision. Life is not going to help you out on this one … Life isn’t going to lean in and whisper in your ear … “hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

That is my job today. My job today is to tell you what I believe is the truth … that while Life is typically extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances … this feels like a ‘now or never moment’.

===========

… “attack everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

Douglas Adams

============

Yeah. It’s exciting but also a daunting feeling. Because while you may actually have done a gazillion things in your Life to prepare yourself for this ‘now or never moment’ … I seriously doubt anyone feels competent for this moment. It is slightly daunting to think this is a ‘now or never’ moment which will live with us for years to come.

Yeah.

It certainly feels slightly daunting to think that what you do will define you … for eternity.

Yeah.

On top of uncertainty or excitement or helplessness or a feeling of freedom to do & say what you have always wanted to do & say you are being asked to choose how you want to be defined.

The kind of thought that makes us think about choices and what we elect to do because, well, what we do echoes in eternity. The Gladiator quote was perfect. It suggests that the way we live, and what we choose to do, not only affects our present but also determines our eternity. He suggests what we do in the present will affect not who we are and what will happen but also our future … beyond death.

He suggests that you … well … matter.

That your thoughts matter.

That your choices matter.

That your actions matter.

And not only within this moment but in the moments which end up in eternity.

Your life matters. What you do is up to you, but your life matters to the degree that you choose it to matter. Life means something … especially if you defiantly define who and what you are.

To be clear. Defiance is not easy. It is much much easier to not push back, to not push yourself forward, but go along for the ride … wishing it were better than it seems to be.

Defiance is a choice. And, I would remind everyone, that choice defines destiny … not chance.

If you are defiant, and push back, you are more likely to control the destiny of your definition and how you will be defined. And that is what today’s world feel like. a moment to be defined. A moment to be defiant with regard to who you are, what you believe and what you stand for.

It feels like you cannot be silent and you have to choose.

Now. I purposefully have tied “I will be defined” with an attitude — one of defiance. I do so because of … well … Trump.

He has far too often been called a ‘disruptor.’ In businesses a disruptor is not one who creates & encourages chaos but rather one who ‘overturns conventional wisdom’ to take what exists and reshape it into a new way of doing things. A true disruptor envisions what can be <let’s call this ‘a plan’> and dismantles only that which encumbers in the here & now to enable the “what will be.” In the business world Trump is more often called ‘an agent of chaos.’

He is one of those managers who cannot tell the difference between chaos & doing — they are of equal in his mind. He holds up doing as proof of his value. A true disruptor holds up ‘what can be’ as proof of value. Calling him a disruptor is an insult to the true disruptors.

This means, even more than ever, those who choose to stand in this time & place and define themselves will have to be defiant. Defiance is standing still, standing strong, speaking out amidst chaos.

This will not be about the one, or ones, who speak the loudest but the ones who speak the smartest and steadfastly.

This will be about the ones who defiantly stand in the face of chaos and stubbornly defend what they believe and what is right. And, in doing so, the country will be defined by who and what we coalesce around. The fragments <which are what some people will call “divisions”> will cluster until the cluster of that which is the country itself has spoken and defined itself. As a country … it is false to suggest we are divided … we are fragmented. There is a huge difference between those two thoughts. And it is actually within that difference in which Hope for something better resides.

Yes. In this time, at this place, I do believe this country will be defined. And it will be defined by those who not just endure the moment, the tide of affairs of man, but rather the ones who stand up and say “this is how we will endure.”

You may be angry, you may feel helpless, you may feel excited … but whatever you feel it is because you are caught up in a unique tide in the affairs of man … and you will be defined not because you endured but rather by how you endured.

My friend was right. This is a “moment.” We will look back in time at this ‘moment’ and you will be defined by what you did do … or didn’t do.

As for me? I have made my decision. In this time, at this place, I will be defined.

This doesn’t mean the pendulum is swinging at rocket speed … or even fast at all … just that it seems to feel like it is swinging back.

It will move more slowly than people like I want … mostly because people my age will continue squeaking <the squeaky wheel was their generational wisdom> and espousing the merits of being squeaky.

Suffice it to say … this will be another one of those generational tectonic shift things which older people will espouse some wisdom <squeak> and younger people will chafe at the wisdom .. believing squeaking is just noisy.

Now.

While that may be true <and it is> you still have to pick your battles. You still have to speak out when speaking out matters. And, yeah, you gotta scream if you have to.

This is not an age thing.

Sometimes you have something you feel is so important you just sit there and want to scream.

And this happens when you are young … and when you are old.

Basically … the desire to scream something is … well .., a formula:

Having a feeling that something is important

+

frustration

=

the possibility to desire to scream

With the young I often believe this desire is often about finding answers.

We older folk can be quite frustrating at times for young people with our disregard for their questions.

Far too often we brush them off as naive or lean back in our comfortable chairs and sagely say “… just wait … you will see and understand.”

But the impatience of youth wants answers now.

And you know what?

They know they deserve some answers because … well … they understand that finding some enlightenment … some understanding … permits them to progress a little better off intellectually or knowledge wise to address the next thing in life.

Without the answer the obstacle remains and while they may not see it as an obstacle they scream out what they believe is important.

I am fairly sure most of us older folk do not address their impatience with any ill intent … we just see impatience and we want to teach patience. I guess the odd thing to me is that we older folk espouse this whole squeaky wheel thing <which is kind of absurd advice in the first place> and then when someone cares enough to squeak … and then … well … just like that nagging noise under the hood every time we start our car … we ignore it <until some light pops up on our dashboard>.

For older folk the desire to scream is … well … shit … almost the same as a younger person <go figure>.

Desire to scream is mostly not about some bravado or self righteousness … it is more about demanding that there are answers or demanding to be heard.

And maybe that is what screaming is all about. Demanding. Maybe it is about kicking some damn doors down because … well … the damn door needs to be kicked.

Sometimes life, and business, gets so frustrating you just wanna start kicking down doors.

And you do.

Well.

Sort of.

Lets say … you try and kick down the doors but at minimum you scream & kick.

“When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things.

Where is beauty to be found?

In great things that, like everything else, are doomed to die, or in small things that aspire to nothing, yet know how to set a jewel of infinity in a single moment?”

―

Muriel Barbery

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“The human soul can always use a new tradition.

Sometimes we require them.”

―

Pat Conroy

=======

So.

I just had a discussion with a smart friend about … uhm … the crap you see sold in those obnoxious “call now” tv commercials. And it reminded me of the importance of rituals when thinking about innovations, new products and positioning your business or communicating to someone something you want them to purchase.

Now.

Having worked with a couple of the best new product/idea innovation groups in the world I have seen stage gate development, innovation funnels and a variety of modeling systems which are an attempt to develop innovations which have a likelihood to succeed <i.e., people want them>. I even think I have a white paper on innovation available on my site.

Anyway.

Anytime I discuss innovations and rituals I bring up Snuggies. Yeah. Snuggies. Stupid name. cheaply made product. But talk about maximizing a ritual <”curling up on the couch and ….”> this may be the new product development idea of the century.

Okay then… why do so many new products die? Shit. A variety of reasons but many die because they attempt to fuck with someone’s ritual.

Some of the blandest new product innovations one can think of <and I have worked on> have been successful because they have enhanced a ritual and not detracted from one … think of thicker softer bathroom tissue, bathroom scents and water proof radios for the shower.

For marketing people I would also suggest that finding a consumer insight which is within an existing ritual can be one of the most powerful insights you can discover.

That said.

Let me take a minute and talk about the role of rituals in our personal Life. We all have rituals. And I don’t mean any planned ones to ‘improve our Life’ but rather the subconscious rituals that are scattered throughout our day.

“Having my coffee in the morning” is maybe the most famous … but think about how you take your shower and the order you do things … brush your teeth … what you do as soon as you get in your car in the morning … heck … even your “morning constitutional.”

Many of these very personal rituals manage transition moments in our daily lives. In other words … they are not simply ‘task routines’ <even though they may simply look like necessary evil type tasks> but rather ‘prep’ moments for managing our Life and days.

Rituals play an incredibly important role in terms of successfully navigating our Life. In a world in which far too many people stress out over too many things to do and not enough time and distractions and technology and … well … just lots & lots of stuff trying to cram its way into someone’s Life … we maintain rituals as either as momentary barriers to the barrage of stuff or they are also quite possibly the epitome of a ‘slow down to speed up’ tactic in our Life.

“Slow down/speed up’? The rituals are the moments in which we seem to calibrate ourselves. I could argue that personal rituals may be the most important thing in grounding someone’s Life.

Now.

Let me be clear on the rituals which I believe are important and, to marketing business folk, the ones that matter.

I am talking about the unplanned rituals, non-contrived behavioral aspects of our Life, and not any of the numerous “6, 8, 12 rituals to improve the quality of your Life” type crap you find strewn across the internet.

I am speaking of the rituals that are so common in our lives we tend to overlook them. But we absolutely love them. They anchor us. They provide some reliability and security and … well … a safe haven from change.

Rituals actually play an even more important role. In their inherent ‘slowing down within Life” these rituals remind us of what is important and provide a sense of stability and continuity in our lives. In our minds these rituals, subconsciously, help us to work more effectively and stay focused on desired goals.

And while there are gobs of articles about how to build rituals into your Life to improve your life <and I assume create some happiness … although … ‘creating happiness’ continues to sound absurd to me> I will suggest the most natural rituals are the most powerful ones.

And the ones we naturally build into our lives tend to fulfill four requirements <I lost the source for this>:

It must be intellectually satisfying.

It must be emotionally satisfying.

It must have a strong beginning.

It must have a strong ending.

You may haggle over the words but this simplistic formula makes sense. It balances satisfaction and relevance and meaning <practical output> as well as fulfills a self-interest aspect <which feeds into a belief it should be maintained>. And the clarity of a beginning and the end creates some relationship with significance … or not wasting time & energy. That significance is fulfilling as well as enabling.

If you doubt this formula … well … go back to Snuggies.

Intellectually I have smartly <good investment> made the ritual easier to enjoy. Emotionally I feel even more in balance with the potential of the ritual. The beginning, putting on the Snuggie, clearly establishes the entry moment to my ritual. Taking off my Snuggie establishes a well defined ‘ending’ to my ritual <… in your head … ”okay … that was great but Life demands me to start something else … sigh.”>

In the end … something like a Snuggie, or something that enhances a ritual … does something John Green suggested … some infinities are bigger than others.

Ok.

But let me go back to the happiness point.

I think part of the reason we try and actually consciously try and build rituals into our lives is because … well … some ritual activity is actually necessary to achieve happiness.

But, once again, I would argue that real happiness is created, and maximized, because of the natural aspect of the personal ritual … not through any contrived ritual. It is the subconscious ritual which builds some structure & consistency into our lives.

Therefore when we consciously attempt replicate, or create, the subconscious ritual benefit … we are … well … kind of missing the whole point of the subconscious ritual.

The most effective ritual is one which you don’t try … it just happens. They provide a form of structure that makes life flow more easily. They are the ultimate in “life lubricants.” You do them without thinking which kind of means your mind rests and therefore your body kind of rests. And within this kind of structure you calibrate and orient yourself for what comes next.

Marketers who attempt to affect people’s behavior need to remind themselves of the importance of rituals … and how they should not attempt to fuck with them <because it is fraught with peril>. Without rituals, or changing a ritual, people lose some basic structure. And important structure … the things we like and calm us. The things that sometimes make us quietly happy in their consistency which, inherently, help to construct a new day with aspects of predictability and certainty <which makes us happy … just as increased unpredictability & uncertainty tends to make us unhappy>.

Regardless.

Businesses seeking to tap into consumer’s attitudes & behaviors and develop new products completely fuck up rituals in a variety of ways. Mostly they either try and force new behavior <which never is received well> or use gimmicks to try and show people it could be easier, more fun or ‘smarter’ to use the new product. They screw things up mostly because there is massive pressure to differentiate and be unique which inevitably steers someone the wrong way.

When dealing with rituals you are more likely to be successful if you can almost seamlessly slide into the ritual and enhance it from the inside out rather than attempt to get someone to ‘rethink their ritual.’

I could be completely nuts on this but in reviewing some of the best new product innovations I have ever worked on … if I strip away all the business hyperbole <which almost seems like a mandatory these days to convince people you have a great idea> I see that the best ideas weren’t viewed by a consumer as a ‘completely new way of doing something’ but rather ‘slipped seamlessly into my daily rituals and made that ritual even better.’

Look … maybe that is just a reflection of what I have worked on and not real truth … but it sure does sound like it makes sense. Think about all of this the next time you get shown a new idea or an “innovation.”