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I posted a week or so ago about my grandmother (92) breaking her hip and the frustration of being far away and not able to get any reliable information.

Spoke to my mother today (it's my dad's mother) and we had a very frank conversation about it. She told me that she also believes that "the children" all kind of have their heads in the sand. Right now, grandma is set to come home after 3 weeks of rehab (that is all her insurance will cover). She also stated that there really isn't adequate supervision in there - my Mom spent the night and repeatedly had to prevent grandma from getting up to use the bathroom.

She has dementia (probably related to repeated minor strokes) and forgets about the injury. She agreed that grandma likely won't recover from this - largely due to the mental element (she doesn' tunderstand she's injured) and that she needs full time care. However, her children seem to think that she will bounce right back.

Mom is going to go back and spend a couple of weeks there to provide some more support and supervision for grandma. She told me that aunt & uncle (that grandma lives with) are not handling the stress well - snippy, my aunt has always been histrionic (everything is about her and how this impacts her, that my uncle wont' be home to make her lunch, etc), and really in denial.

I told her I was taking a long layover there on my business trip to see grandma and possibly say goodbye. She thought that was a good idea.

She said that she looked up some stats on hip breaks, recovery, mortality and shared them with my dad - he was somewhat surprised about the realities of it. I don't know what will happen.

Personally, I think that this is the beginning of the end for her. On the one hand, it's very sad, on the other hand - she's 92 years old!! At some point her children need to recognize that she will not live forever.

Anyway, just sharing th eupdate and a shamless plea for hugs.

Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15606 | Registered: Jun 2006

authenticnow♀ 16024Member # 16024

Posted: 7:03 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014

(((((hurtbs)))))

Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.

Posts: 52133 | Registered: Sep 2007

caregiver9000♀ 28622Member # 28622

Posted: 7:10 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014

OMG, I thought SI's gma had broken her hip.

(((hurtbs))) many hugs, and strength to you. Listen to your gut and do what you feel.

I remember your original post and glad my minor panic brought me in here for the update.

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 5197 | Registered: Mar 2011

Kodi♀ 16237Member # 16237

Posted: 7:31 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014

(((hurtbs)))

Posts: 1403 | Registered: Sep 2007

metamorphisis♀ 12041Member # 12041

Posted: 7:35 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014

((((((((hurtbs)))))))))))
I am so sorry for your continued worry and for grandma. It's encouraging to read that your mother sees what you see and that at least between the two of you, someone is dealing with this.

Really it was reassuring that there is someone there is being practical and has some realistic expectations. She even told me that the physical therapist told them all that it was unrealistic to expect that grandma would be entirely self mobile (e.g. pivot her walker around), but she thought some good goals would be that grandma would be able to use the bathroom without additional assistance (since the break she's been in diapers). However, the rest of teh family seems to think that in three weeks she'll be back to normal!! I had reconstructive knee surgery at 20 - was in great physical shape and f-ing 20 and it took 3 months before I could walk without struggle or aided by a cane!

Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15606 | Registered: Jun 2006

still2suspicious♀ 31722Member # 31722

Posted: 5:14 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014

hbs

We went thru this with MIL. H's siblings in complete denial! She also had dementia, and 89. The docs were great, in that they would NOT release MIL until they knew where she was going, who was gonna take care of her, etc. She did go to a home, and did recover enough to walk by herself. She did fall, again, and broke the other hip, which like your gma did not even know she did it. again, she recovered enough to walk around.

Maybe your Mom can talk to the docs, see if they can put some pressure on the family. It helps, in that then the family cannot blame anyone in the family. Just the docs!