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22 April, 2013

Saturday!

On Saturday, I said that we would be talking about my namesake today, and now I shall provide you with how the family line came into existence, as well as the very day of Satursay.

It's time for me to provide the synopsis of a story that has been passed down from generation to generation. I say only a synopsis because it is not my 27th birthday yet, and the reason that is relevant is because, as the eldest male child of my father, I have the first twenty-seven years of my life to collect familial information, and the second twenty-seven years to re-transcribe the story into an epic to present to the matriarch of the Saturday family on my 54th birthday.

I think I have all the information, but there are a few things that still don't make sense. I have to visit the family vault by 4 June of this year, as that's when I'll be turning twenty-seven.

(Ed. note: for those not in the know, twenty-seven years is how long Saturn takes to revolve around the sun.)

Here are (some of) the facts I've been able to gather thus far:

Saeternesdaeg, the matriarch of the whole Saturday line, was born out of time. She was unable to communicate directly with the outside world, but could influence ever so slightly. After 729 years of 6-day weeks, a man came in to her non-life and he was capable of manipulating energy like none other.

She extended his life while whispering to him, so that he could tug the strings of the fabric of reality, and along with his apprentices, the five of them managed to arrest the halt of time, allowing Saeternesdaeg to coexist with the man she had grown to love.

In this non-time, she became celebrated by his people as a deity, but soon they longed to rejoin their ancestors in the afterlife, so the original five had to start time back up again.

Little did Saeternesdaeg, her lover, and his five apprentices know, but she carried so much psychic weight with her into existence that it weighed the planet down, slowing it's orbit around the sun. There were now SEVEN days in a week! What to do?

This started a holy war, as the patrons of the other days became furious! A seven-day week? DISGUSTING! Saeternesdaeg's lover managed to rally an army together, of beasts and monsters, mostly, but they were eliminated after a while. All of Saeternesdaeg's associates and children, save one, were slaughtered. And that one, eventually grew into a man, and petitioned the rest of the days to show their victory by naming the new day after his mother.

He was also saddled with the job of being the Saturnal patron.

And there you have it! The 100% true synopsis of the origin of Saturday and my family line. My father says that the auspices of my birth indicate that I am the reincarnation of Saeternesdaeg herself, which could mean some pretty big things in time.