This blog is dedicated to my Maxie. Max was only 9 and a half months when he stopped breathing at daycare. We are devastated by the loss of our most beloved baby boy. Hopefully, this blog will give readers a sense of what a beautiful spirit he was and will help to keep his memory alive.

Homely

Saturday, October 20, 2012

As long as I am bragging about how brave and honest I am:

I am embarrassed to say that I am feeling pretty homely these days. It should be about the very last thing on my mind, but whatever - I am human. My hair has only been cut twice all year, I died it a darkish brown that I am not loving (although I got some highlights done a few weeks ago- by Ted - that is for an entirely different post. Turns out Ted is very good at doing my highlights. I may never need to go to a salon again), my boobs are HUGE and not in a good way (luckily, my husband thinks that huge boobs are always "in a good way"), I have about 15 pounds to lose, and I am still wearing maternity clothes. My transitional clothes after Maxie was born were almost all work clothes, so I have pencil skirts, slacks, cardigans and silky blouses that fit but I am not about to wear those around my house or to the Saturday Farmer's Market. I wasn't lying about wearing the same two pairs of sweats for 15 months now. One pair is green, one pair is grey. I wear them every day. When I leave the house, I put on one of two pairs of maternity pants and one of my five or so maternity shirts. The pants are always falling down because there is no waist band, just stretchy material panels that pull up to my gigantic chest. I finally caved and bought new sweats but that doesn't really help me with the "leaving the house" wardrobe and I am actually leaving the house more and more.

So, after lunch with a friend on Thursday, I dragged Mozie to the Burbank Nordstrom Rack in search of a few good transitional items. We spent about an hour in there. I searched the "casual" section, the "juniors" section, and the "plus size" section and ended up with about 20 pieces to try on. We got a big dressing room and got to work. I hadn't even tried on one item when Mo started crying and chewing on his fists...so, I sat on the bench and nursed him. Somehow the lighting in dressing rooms are never optimal. I wished the bench hadn't been facing the mirror, giving me a shot of myself, shirtless, nursing my sweet boy - it didn't do much for my self-esteen. I also looked up and read the sign telling me that the dressing rooms were being monitored by video camera. AWESOME!

After he was done nursing, I burped him and he spat up over my shoulder right onto the bench. Neat! Luckily it didn't land in a pile of the clothes I was about to try on. I laid him back into the stroller and then - loud poop! So, I got him back out of the stroller and changed the poopy diaper on the bench. Of course, I've now been in this dressing room for about 20 minutes and I haven't tried on one piece of clothing. So, I got Mo all cleaned up, put him back in the stroller and got to the task at hand.

Why oh why do things look SO much better on the hangers? I worked my way through shirts and sweaters and pants. NOTHING fit! UNTIL.......one pair of jeans....one pair of "NOT YOUR DAUGHTER'S JEANS" Jeans. What has become of me?!!! Even my own mother was wearing a cute pair of "Seven for all mankind" jeans the last time I saw her. I couldn't do it, but not because I am above NYDJ Jeans, mostly because I am pretty sure that they will only fit for another month. So, I am waiting to lose a little more weight before purchasing my NYDJ jeans. Ay Caramba or just plain "Ay", as my Mo says.

I couldn't leave empty handed, so on the way out, I loaded up my cart with a bunch of the register crap - eye shadow, lip moisturizer, nail polish, eye makeup remover....I'll be all made up in my new navy sweats. Mission totally not accomplished. And, now that I am done posting, I am going to go decide which pair of maternity pants to wear to the Farmer's Market today.

5 comments

rebecca Patrick-Howard
said...

When I had Iris, a friend wrote me and asked me if there was anything I needed or wanted. I wrote her back and told her that I wanted stuff to make me feel pretty. She sent me a box full of nail polish, bubble path, lotions, and all kinds of goodies. There was only three months between Toby's pregnancy and Iris' and I spent a good portion of both of their pregnancies in the hospital. I hadn't seen my old clothes literally in years. I felt fat and slobbish and greasy. I am just now, almost 3 years later, starting to feel attractive again. I don't think that a makeover, losing weight, or buying pretty clothes can help with the grief part, but it does help the self-esteem.

Abby this post made me laugh!!! I have been there-- RIGHT THERE-- with the spit up, poopy diapers, giant boobs, wearing maternity long after it is acceptable to do so. There were a few times in the early days that I took photos of myself because I couldn't believe the person I was seeing in the mirror was ME. (I still feel that way sometimes). But remember one thing- you are exquisite to Mo just as you are!!!