'Extraordinary' repartee falls to zzzz-force

It was a week of the French Open (Seven, Fox Sports) and a little Sandy Roberts and John "J.A." Alexander magic was exported to the world. Lord have mercy.

During the Albert Costa-Juan Carlos Ferrero semi-final, the boys were seeing so many signs they came over like a cross between newly licensed mystics and burned-out driving instructors.

"He knows that, in this situation, the Ferrero serve is more than vulnerable," determined Sandy mysteriously of Costa, with the latter down two sets and a break. "I don't think this is over yet," he said even more mysteriously. This is the same guy, who, in the same set, commented: "Can he (Costa) come back from two sets down and the break? I think not."

Quoth JA, re Costa: "I'm just wondering if he's still harbouring thoughts he can get out of this." The reigning Open champ was down two sets and had two match points on him at the time. You'd guess J.A. is one of those "glass is half-full" kind of guys. "If he has, they've just gone!" trumpeted Sandy by way of the bleeding obvious, as the inevitable happened and Ferrero closed out the match on that very point. The glass was half-empty after all.

J.A. is a great one for banging on - in sturdy patrician tones - about not all that much. "It certainly has been played in a very sporting and respectful manner," was one classic Alexander-ism in the third set.");document.write("

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He also regularly serves as a kind of human underline for what you have already seen. After a Costa drop-shot winner, J.A. told us he had used his "touch" to "impart backspin". Ohhhh, so THAT'S how it works.

There was something astoundingly typical about their exchange when Costa took a tumble on the clay late in the final set. Sandy's response: "He's OK, but the old dry-cleaning bill could be fairly expensive." Ah, the old dry-cleaning bill. Yes.

J.A. chose an inopportune moment to "go deep" and launched into a full and comprehensive investigation of the incident, claiming that fatigue, the tension of the tournament and a lapse of concentration had all contributed to Costa's tumble.

To the naked eye, it just looked like Costa had overbalanced and gone cleft over hairstyle.

"Extraordinary feat!" said Sandy of Costa as the match slid away.

"Extraordinary display of fitness, courage and bravery," burbled J.A.

"Extraordinary waves of sleepiness," responded one viewer, as the commentary and Morpheus tag-teamed him into submission.