Share January 18, 2008's comic on:

Transcript

CEP presents to the board of directors
CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention.
Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye

Share April 30, 2008's comic on:

Transcript

Dogbert says, "You can thwart this unfriendly takeover by using something called a poison pill."
CEO: I keep one in my watch. I'll take it immediately."
Dogbert: That's not...I suppose I could feed your tainted CEO carcass to the executives of the other company.
CEO: Gurgle

Share July 30, 2008's comic on:

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Where were you on the day that Dilbert was pushed out of your office window?" The CEO says, "I was directly behind him, in this position, yelling 'die, die, die!'" The CEO says, "The first question is just practice, right?"

Share January 25, 2004's comic on:

Transcript

The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions."
Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?"
"I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week."
"Do you work 28,000 hours per week?"
"Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?"
CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!"
"Golden egg. One every ten minutes."
"Good answer."

Transcript

The CEO is at a lecturn. The CEO says, "Our company is too good to have results this poor." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." The CEO thinks, "&#037;#!* Engineers." The CEO says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Are you saying the laws of cause and effect do not apply?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, if we were good, we would generate good results." Sitting between the Wally and Alice, Dilbert continues, "Is it not more likely that we are pathetic losers who get exactly what we deserve?" The CEO says, "Yes, individually you're all losers. But together we're a great company. Thanks to my leadership." Wally says, "I feel like squirming but I don't have the energy."