"When G-d will return the captivity of Zion, we will be like dreamers. Then our mouths will be filled with laughter and our tongues with glad song." Psalm 126

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Time for Some Humor

We knew from the beginning that making Aliyah would be challenging at best, and in order to cope with everything (bills in Hebrew, no vowels; dealing with a phone representative who cannot speak English; cultural differences; navigating health care in a foreign country; you get the idea); we decided early on to find the humor in every situation. It’s a great survival tool.

So, today I thought I’d share some of the “funny” with you to lighten your day as well.

First of all – English translations and Englishisms in a country where English is a foreign language and much is transliterated. Just gotta wonder:

Is it a saloon? After all there’s a Coke bottle on the marquis. Nope. Just your everyday Beauty Salon/Bar.

Misspellings are particularly funny for us. Like “Elbow” instead of “Elmo.” He is good friend, haha. The grocery store is another place we see all kinds of mix-ups and just plain weird (to us) flavors. What WERE they thinking????

I think they spelled carp wrong. Or just from the looks of it, maybe they’re telling us to stay away. Really far away. Oh well, at least I finally found some f-ing cotton balls.

So is the yogurt from sheep or goat milk? Or a combo? Guess will never know…

I bought what I thought was salad mix or salad herbs a few weeks ago. Got home, opened the box, THEN looked at the writing. It was a box of salad WEEDS. Gourmet weeds for salads!!!! Not joking! But it was hysterical.

Being in the Holy Land, tourist items are a bit weird. Here’s a take home pack of incense for all those guys named Frank who want to do home liturgies. But only if your name is Frank! If it’s not, you’re outta luck….

Even finding a bathroom can be cause to laugh. Here’s one from a kibbutz, the others just great. Completely assesses my situation.

Going to the hospital is always a fun experience…NOT!!! But in the North of Israel it can be a bit surreal. Very recently I had a bout of kidney stones. One of the better hospitals is in Haifa, about 40 minutes away. Assuta is located- wait for it- on the third floor of a large shopping mall. Yup. You read right. Cinemas and restaurants at one end; stores on floors 1 & 2; full service hospital on floor 3. Love it when they gave me an IV drip and told me to walk the mall for 90 minutes so they could do a CT (pronounced ‘city’ here… just to add to the confusion).

As if things aren’t crazy enough, guess who shows up during check in? No help at all… she was a mime. Translator please???

As I mentioned in another post, Israeli drivers are notoriously bad. Here are some great examples of parking jobs that just leave you head scratching… better to shoot a picture than to shoot a driver.

Yes. We were behind a kid on a mini ATV and behind a tour bus trying to navigate narrow, serpentine streets in an Arab village. It’s not uncommon to get stuck by a tractor slowly buzzing down Main Street in a village or to see pensioners driving their golf cart on the highway. And no, there is no golf course within 100 miles.

People shop like they drive. Cue up your shopping cart at the checkout and leave an empty basket while you finish your shopping. Or – how many people will jockey to cue up? Line? What line? Rules? What rules???

Reading menus, especially those great translations are the best!!! I’ll have a medium rear please. Note the inside of the meat is served worm temperature. READ THE DESCRIPTIONS!!

So, despite the situation, we are always reminded. At those most difficult moments, don’t forget to smaile…. 😉