TV Season 2014 Has Been Loosed

I want you all to know that I made a brave attempt to watch the last 10 minutes of Gotham, but I died laughing between the weird affect in McKenzie's voice and the way Tiny Bruce looks like a tiny serial killer in progress, along with the suspicion that this show might actually force me to think about comic book mythology at some point and thus angry up the blood, so...no. "King of Queens" reruns will be infinitely more palatable.

The Mindy Project, season 3 premiereI REJECT AND DO NOT ACCEPT YOUR GROSS DANNY BACKSTORY. I got so creeped out at the end I had to turn it off.

It also made me realize how many actors on my shows have to either play a stripper or otherwise do some sort of stripper dance even when it's not in their character description. This should not be a skill people are expected to have in their back pocket! It should definitely not be more commonplace than horseback riding. Like, I cannot imagine a scenario in my life where I would need to do some sort of sexy dance for my partner, or where him doing such a thing would be appealing instead of mortifyingly embarrassing and a giant turn-off. (a lot of men became a lot less attractive to me after .gifs of Magic Mike)

I guess what I'm saying is #Y'ALL NEED JESUS and also #HOW IS DANNY SUPPOSED TO EARN HIS KEEP IF HE DOESN'T HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF BEING A GRUMPY OLD MAN WITH LIFELONG STUFFY VALUES #and the moral high ground in every possible situation

I vaguely remember giggling at other aspects of Danny/Mindy last week, but now I can't remember anything funny that happened. I tried to ask the internet and they just kept reminding me there were a lot of references to oral skills, which has the opposite effect of making me smile, and then it also told me that Betsy is no longer on the show (only "asked to guest star"), which WHAT THE HELL.

In conclusion, there should definitely have been good ways to play off Danny being private vs. Mindy gossiping in the office, but they didn't find them here.P.S. The internet did manage to remind me of Danny starting to play "Let It Go" on the piano, so that was clearly the highlight.-------------Sleepy Hollow, season 2 premiereI learned a very important lesson tonight: if this show ever kills Katrina for real, I will walk on the spot. I had one foot off the bed to change the channel to see what I thought of Scorpion until I managed to convince myself to give the show until the end of the episode to backpedal. It did this nicely, but I was so very shaken by the thought of a TV show not playing by shipping rules that it colored my perception for the rest of the hour, and between that, my intense hatred of Jeremy's face and the lack of epic-looking monsters, I couldn't concentrate on this episode very much.

(There is probably also still some leftover resentment from this summer, where people just could not stop talking about Nicole Beharie and Abbie Mills, and it is just baffling and irritating when the character is so basic and the actress is nice but so lacking in magnetic charisma. Or maybe I was just in a mood to hate every show that isn't Under the Dome, irrationally angry at them all for being back while my reason to live is going into hibernation after only 13 episodes a year; WHO KNOWS. Actually it's probably the latter combined with my instinctive mistrust of anyone and anything popular.)

But in retrospect, I did enjoy Crane being confronted (and affronted) by Happy Birthday traditions, and also the brief return of Andy, looking almost like his old self and still wearing his gigantic crush on his sleeve.------------Under the Dome, season 2 finaleYou know, I usually make a point of trying to challenge arguments for shows being misogynistic based on how they treat their female characters, but even I have reached the point of "wtf is wrong with you stop killing women*." At this point I feel like their ultimate goal is "seven at one blow." And even though I didn't care about one of those women, it was still so ugly and horrible to watch Rebecca's doom that I don't know how anybody watches shows where people get murdered on cable channels, with license to actually be graphic.

The only thing worse was the lame writing that led to her death. Because yeah, I'm sure that Rebecca -- a very logical person who has also previously been threatened by Big Jim when she crossed him -- would go ahead and tell him she helped his wife die. Especially while he's already teetering on the brink of sanity in manic need to save her. What could possibly go wrong!

[*it is possible that, if I went back through the whole series, I might find it's more balance than I think it is, but it's not often I side with popular outrage and I want to stay this way]

But Andrea? A.k.a. Kindly Widow of Survivalist/Sweetbriar's Second Owner? Son of a bitch, that hurt more than Linda, and not just due to the coldblooded nature of it.

I mean, I appreciate you putting poor Mr. Pig Farmer (I should really have learned his name) out of his misery and giving Julia and Barbie a Plucky Young Orphan to take care of in the process, but that is not an acceptable tradeoff.

However, I did really like Big Jim's chilling Premeditated Murder speech, which gave me actual goosebumps, and when he was coming after Julia, my heart was pounding so hard it physically hurt. I have not been that unspoiled and terrified of what a TV show might do in a very long time, especially since I watched the sneak peeks yesterday and have spent the past 24 hours imagining horrible "what if" scenarios in which he gets his way on at least one of those kills.

Joe and Norrie had some nice moments, though I could have used a kiss at some point before the end, but I greatly enjoyed Barbie's exasperated "what the hell" upon returning to find them climbing out of the hole he foolishly did not explicitly ban them from entering.

And last but not least, the real reason I came here tonight:"I love you.""I love you too."

I am so happy with this moment I'm not even going to throw a fit about them being separated again at the end. Well, a tiny fit. But I have faith that the showrunners will protect her and there will be an even more epic reunion next summer than their 14 other reunions. Until then, I have about fifty-seven romance novels to comb through until I find just the right ones to have these two star in.

(and I would end the review there, except that this is probably not going to be my last Dome post of the season, and also I really want to emphasize my happiness with their mini-reunion underground, where in the space of about forty seconds we get to hear relief, concern, and homicide in Barbie's tone, followed by gentle support of her limping attempts to walk. But back to the homicidal voice: if Big Jim doesn't get crushed to death in the Dome or bleed out from his wimpy wound, I want a spectacular takedown from Barbie once he learns that Jim attempting to kill Julia is not merely a hypothetical fear.)

...guys, I'm not ready to live in a world without them on my screen every week, even if it's only for the length of a school year. (the show isn't officially renewed yet, but I am hearing a lot of good things re: its profit margins, despite lower ratings, so I think we're safe at least one more year) The only thing even remotely close to how hard I anticipate this show is Castle, and while my catchup project may prove a suitable transition, I still feel like my grounding anchor has been ripped away and now I'm in free fall, to mix metaphors.

Update: I forgot to mention that I'm apparently the only person who read the interviews about how the creators now have a plan for 3-5 seasons, and am thus not angry about the ending. I am excited to see where Ethereal Melanie will lead us, because if they came up with the great twist of escaping to Zenith, I can only imagine their next twist will be even better. My only concern is how hard it will be to get back to Julia and whether Big Jim can get to where she is.--------------In related news, between the intensity of my Shiny Renewed Obsession Love and the blitzkrieg of new episodes everywhere else, Glee is starting to feel like a hazy dream I made up. I'm thankful for that. I know it won't stay this way forever, but the longer I can keep it at bay, the more content I'll be.