Guess How Many More Piping Plovers There Are On The Cape After 10 Years Of Conservation?

07/30/201407/30/2014

Ten years ago, in 2004, 124 Piping Plovers fledged (were born and lived long enough to fly) on Cape Cod’s National Seashore. 124. Now, after 10 years of conservation. After closing miles of beaches to vehicles. After closing miles of beaches to humans. After placing cages around their nests. After banning drones. After banning kite surfing. After trying to murder crows with chemicals. After all of this, ten years later, do you know how many Piping Plovers hatched and lived (fledged) in 2014? 27. TWENTY FUCKING SEVEN! Less than 22% of the amount that were hatched and survived ten years ago. We are officially at Schiavo levels here folks. It’s time to pull the plug. There is just only so much you can do.

So please Mr. National Parks Head Bug Counter Guy, could we have our beaches back now? Maybe do a little camping? How about a little surfing? Maybe go fishing without having to walk 18 miles around a nest? Can a brother have a picnic up in here? Could the 215,888 of the humans that live here year round maybe enjoy our home again instead of being held hostage by 27 birds?

We gave you over 10 years to save them. You have failed miserably. It’s OK though, we won’t blame you, maybe the Plovers just aren’t cut out for life on Cape Cod. I know how hard this is for you Mr. National Parks guy, I’m sure it’s not easy when you realize you aren’t god. Most of us don’t remember that moment, since it happened to us when we were like 8 days old, but still, I’m sure it’s not easy, but it is definitely time.

P.S. Nauset spit has been closed for 8 years. Zero Piping Plovers survived there this year. ZERO.

P.P.S. Imagine the day the last Piping Plover finally dies and the ropes come down? It’ll be like caddy day at the pool at Bushwood Country Club.