69 Sex positions

I was having a discussion with a friend a while back when
she claimed there are 69 positions. I felt that in fact
there are only 68, and bet her £50, on condition that she
prove it. She accepted my bet, and we arranged to set
aside the next weekend to settle the matter.

We warmed up in a 69, my favorite number, then got down
to serious business. We did it doggy style, we did it
several ways in a chair, we did it standing up. We
spooned, we did it in full and half lotus, we did the
wheelbarrow. We had sex in ways I can't remember, and
often we would return to soixante neuf to re-lubricate.

Late Sunday evening we had tried 66 positions, and my
friend could not think of any more. She asked me if I
could think of any we'd missed, and being a gentleman I
replied, "Well, there's head to toe."

She lay on the bed, legs slightly apart, and I got on top,
taking a big toe in my mouth to add to her pleasure.
Suddenly she remembered the airplane position, and told me
to spin slowly like a propeller, maintaining penetration
all the while. This eventually brought us into the
missionary position.

Best fifty quid I ever lost.
Unknown

After two months of uninterrupted
intercourse, he loves me better
every day, and my health
improves, too.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If whoever invented it, you know,
didn't want us to have intercourse,
why did he make us fit together
so perfectly?
Robert C Sorenson

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told
me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'.
For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

The big difference between sex for
money and sex for free is sex for
money usually costs a lot less.
Brendam Behan

Masturbation: the primary sexual
activity of mankind. In the nineteenth
century it was a disease; in the
twentieth, it's a cure.
Thomas Szasz

Western man, especially the Western
critic, still find it very had to go
into print and say: "I recommend you
to go and see this because it gave me
an erection."
Kenneth Tynan

In Europe, men and women have
intercourse because they love
each other. In the South Seas,
they love each other because
they have had intercourse.
Who is right?
Paul Gauguin

Love is something far more than desire for
sexual intercourse; it is the principal
means of escape from the loneliness which
afflicts most men and women throughout the
greater part of their lives.
Bertrand Russell

Of the delights of this world,
man cares most for sexual intercourse,
yet he has left it out of his heaven."
Mark Twain

Two dwarfs had just won the lottery, so they go out and hire 2
prostitutes and 2 hotel rooms. The first dwarf tries desparately
all night to get an erection. But all he can hear from the next
room is, "1, 2, 3, unah!" and this goes on all night.

The next morning, the second dwarf asks, "So how did it go?"

The first dwarf replies, "Shit, I couldn't get an erection.
How was your night?"

The second dwarf turns around and replies, "Even worse,
I couldn't even get on the bed!"