10.12.2009

I was looking at the football standings this morning, and thinking how badly our Florida teams are playing this year. The Tampa Bay Bucs are 0-5, the Miami Dolphins are 1-3 (pending tonight's game), and the Jacksonville Jaguars are 2-3. 3-11 is a pretty bad aggregate record. But there is a state that is doing worse: Missouri, or Misery as they sometimes call it.

The Kansas City Chiefs and the St. Louis Rams are both 0-5 after yesterday's losses. Combine that with Nebraska beating Missouri in college football on Thursday night and the St. Louis Cardinals being ignominiously swept in three games by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the National League Division Series, and it was a pretty bad weekend in the Show Me State.

I read somewhere that Rush Limbaugh wants to try to purchase the St. Louis Rams. I guess that's because last year's winless team, the Detroit Lions (who have won a game this year) were unavailable. I think that Rush could bring the Republicans back to a winning record before he could make the Rams winners.

Today is Columbus Day, when we celebrate the European discovery of the New World in 1492. It is the most politically incorrect holiday on our calendar (yes, even more than Christmas!). I have to wonder how many more years it will be a holiday.

Christopher Columbus and his Spaniards, after all, showed a callous disregard for the natives, enslaving and torturing many of them in the search for gold, silver and other riches in the Americas. That narrative was pretty much disregarded when I was in elementary school and America was 80-90% white, but as the nation grows increasingly more multi-ethnic and our leaders dwell more on our historical faults rather than our national manifest destiny, Columbus has become symbolic of America's original sin, at least in the eyes of those on the political left.

The Italians would be unhappy if Columbus Day were to be dropped from the holiday list, but hey, how many of them are there? It's not like they're likely to become suicide bombers and start blowing stuff up, like certain other groups would if they were miffed.

Times change, and reality changes with the times. If Pluto can be dropped from planetary status, then Columbus Day could be demoted from legal holiday status to an ethnic festival like St. Patrick's Day. I figure it will happen about the same time as the Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians are forced to change their team names.

What would be likely to replace Columbus Day in the legal holiday pantheon? Well, like the Nobel Peace Prize, there's only The One logical choice: August 4th, in honor of Barack Obama.

Now, some might say, "Wait a minute! George Washington and Abe Lincoln have to share a holiday, and Barack Obama gets his own? What's up with that? And isn't he technically included in 'Presidents Day' anyway?"

Well, yes, but they were only presidents; Barack Obama is also our new Messiah! Consider this new holiday one to be awarded not for anything he's done, but for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." It's not like that would be unprecedented.

10.09.2009

Apparently not. The Nobel Peace Prize, already awarded to reprobates like Jimmy Carter and Yassir Arafat, has hit a new low. The eggheads in Oslo have awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama, for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." Note that the deadline for the award nomination was February 1st, meaning that the fledgling president had been in office for a grand total of 11 days.

Don't you remember all of the totally awesome stuff he did in those 11 days? He brought peace to the Middle East and established a Palestinian state that now lives in harmony with Israel, he ended the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, he got North Korea and Iran to end their nuclear programs, he persuaded China to end their occupation of Tibet and allow the Dalai Lama to return home, he convinced the Russians to pull out of Georgia and stop menacing their neighbors, and he got every nation in the world to give up all of their nuclear weapons and promise to use nuclear energy for only peaceful purposes from now on. Gosh, he did so much in those 11 days that he was the only possible choice for the...

Wait a minute! You mean to tell me that he didn't do ANY of those things? You mean to tell me that even almost nine months into his term, he still hasn't done any of those things? You mean those wacky Svensk fellows just gave him the award because of his complete and total awesomeness, not because of anything he actuallyDID?

You mean to tell me that they gave an empty award to an empty suit of a president for his empty accomplishments over 11 days? Yup, that's exactly what they did. How appropriate. But I guess that $1.4 million will spend the same either way, deserved or not.

If there was any justice in the world, Stevie Wonder would be at the award ceremony to sing "You Haven't Done Nothing."

10.02.2009

And all I could think was "Thank God we had this paragon of virtue to defend us from immoral people like Sarah Palin's slutty daughter!"

But as Whoopi Goldberg would probably say, "It's not sexual harassment-sexual harassment!" Right? Notice that it was sex with female staffers, plural; women whose careers Letterman had considerable power to help or harm. So this wasn't a single incident of a boss boinking a subordinate, but an ongoing pattern of behavior. In your office or mine, the guy would be fired for cause.

I already thought Letterman was a schmuck. This just confirms it even more. But as Glenn Reynolds noted at Instapundit, the timing is excellent for Letterman; compared to Roman Polanski, he doesn't look like so much of a heel.