Time to break up with snow

It's the same thing every year. When you first come to town, I just melt.

You're so gorgeous, what with your sparkling, twinkling flakes dancing down and blanketing the ground.

Then, there are the snow angels and the cheery snowmen. I love going sledding and skiing and ice skating with you. And I especially love you for those snow days and the giant piles of excuses you provide for not getting out of bed to go to church.

But then you never fail to totally overstay your welcome. And suddenly, all the things I loved about you become, well, your downfall.

Like your temperature. Do you really have to freeze the nose off my face every single day?

Seriously, you sleigh me.

Furthermore, you're always underfoot. Every time I try to back my car out of the driveway in the morning, there you are -- in the way, making my wheels spin. And when I try to take the garbage out the side door, there you are, leaning up against it. You are such a blocker!

Oh, and stop being such a blamer. Every time you bombard me with more than I can handle, you always blame it on "lake effect."

Puh-leese. That's like me blaming my back fat on the Cheetos.

And it's not like I'm breaking up with you because you're so heavy, but seriously, I almost popped a vertebrae shoveling you off the driveway.

Another thing. You are so freaking slick. I think you actually like making me slip on the sidewalk and do an unintentional triple axle in the office parking lot just as my boss is walking by.

And then there's the unpredictability.

Really. Do you think you can just blow in and out of my life anytime you want? What a drifter! You don't even bother showing up for Christmas, but come Easter, I can't get rid of you. Seriously. Stop being such a flake!

This relationship blows. I'm done.

Frosty freaking schmosty.

I'll stop the world and not melt with you.

The forecast is: you are finished. Well, at least a girl can hope.

Follow Monica on Twitter at twitter.com/sassnthe city or e-mail her at lewis.427@hotmail.com.