Friday, August 24, 2012

Adoption & Bon Bon's..Part 2

I want to continue this series from this post. The post I wrote back in December. I want to continue it on now, as I have a little more time under my belt. And I am inspired to write this, based on this post.

*BUT, I first want to post a disclaimer to this post by saying that God commands us to adopt and if he lays it on our hearts to do so, we should, it is truly His handiwork that allows a woman to love a child that she did not form in her own womb with the same love, and--that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

With that same token, adoption is not for sissies. Plain and simple.

My intent here is not to discourage you from adopting. That is the last thing I want. One of the main purposes of this blog is to help you see the real, raw truth of raising a family after adoption...which includes the funny, cutesie, frustrating, and hard things. Plus this is the closest thing my kids will have to a scrapbook or a finished baby book...

So, this is what I want to say. The easiest part of adopting is choosing a little face on the 'available children' page of your agency listings. Honestly.

Blake's first orphan listing picture.

After that, you pray, fast, pray some more, seek out guidance from friends/family, pray, attempt to consider the reality of adopting a child (let alone with special needs), pray, check financials, see if you are a match to that child's country or agency, pray, and then....commit.

From here on out, it's just tough. First of all, in adoption there are NO guarantees. You may fall in love with a child, feel that God has laid him or her on your heart, and then the child is swooped up by another family, becomes unavailable for adoption, or you do not meet the qualifications for his/her country, or his/her country stops adoptions altogether, indefinitely. But sometimes, it can lead to stories like this one...Rise. And have a happy ending.

In complete honesty, I don't believe all families are called to adopt. Truly. I believe lots of families feel compelled to do something when faced with the truth and reality of how many orphans live and are treated in other countries (and even in the US). I think their hearts are moved and touched and softened, which is great. But I think sometimes this emotion is confused with God's leading. And eventually we tag our desires with God's desires, and set ourselves up for disappointment and heartache in the end. I believe we should all be doing something to help with the orphan crisis, but that doesn't mean bringing a baby home. It can mean hosting fundraisers, donating money, praying, encouraging a family in the mid-adoption process, it can be advocating on FB for the children who are seeking families. Many things. So discernment is a HUGE piece that I think should be taken very seriously in the initial fasting and praying period. And then revisit this discernment piece throughout the adoption, because doing God's will is first and foremost...don't let your desires get in the way of what God may have planned otherwise.

I mentioned financials earlier. Phew! That is one of the biggest obstacles that most families face going into adoption. Money is the make or break point for many families. As it is very important and crucial in the rescuing of your child. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't go into this process assuming and resting on the assurance that God will provide all the money you need to adopt. Let me explain. There are some families, who, yes, seem to get all the money they need in a short amount of time, without having to move a finger. But, this is not the case for most. Fundraising and advocating go hand-in-hand in this process. And fundraising should be something you start working on right from the beginning. Making people aware of the need. Of what the money is for. And how you plan to get it. I think its fair for donors to have all the answers before writing out checks to your cause. And I think you should be fair in your explanation. As well as in how much you really need. Understand now, that adoption may require you to leave your bio kids behind to save on costs. Understand that you may have to stay in country longer, to save on costs. Understand that you may have to give up a lot of your 'extras' to save on costs. You may have to sell things, downsize things, cancel things, to save the money you need. And its humbling and its tough, but its the only way. You have to be willing to ask, to put in the time, to brainstorm, to enact, and to live on the bare minimum's for a while. Not sit on the couch and eat bon bon's and hope God "works his magic."

Also, grow some thick skin and a strong backbone. People aren't always nice. They don't always understand. They aren't always willing to try to listen and understand. They won't help you out. They will destroy your efforts. And they won't go away. And sometimes they are family members, close friends, or people you work with everyday. This is when you pray for those who persecute you...through clenched teeth...

This is just the second part in this series, that I want you make you aware of and be completely honest with you about, in the initial stages of adoption. I'll get into the challenge you may face, more, further on down the adoption road, in the next part.