Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Seven Christmas Things I'm Surprised I Don't Like: My Grinch List

by Stella Atrium 12/20/11____________________In
the spirit of writing a blog as a list (the newest route to securing
blog traffic), I thought I would write out my Grinch list. There's a
plethora of these lists circulating, so please view mine with a grain
of salt.

1) Articles Written as Lists: Too obvious to explain.

2)
Andy Williams Christmas Specials: When I was a kid (I'm giving away my
age here), we waited all day for the hour of the Andy Williams Show
with the in-jokes and set decorations and his colored voice that
everybody recognized. The Osmond Brothers were introduced on that
show. Now a mock-up of William's voice is used for Target ads. The old
hour-long episodes are faded and jaded, looking sadder than "Lawrence
Welks" or "Sing Along with Mitch" from a decade before.

3)
Christmas Blow-out Giveaway on Twitter: Think about lead time, folks!
Twitter is for last minute planners, I know, but a Christmas list is
not. Any woman who plans for a large family knows the gift packages
were wrapped ten days ago. She's now in the stage of polishing silver
and making fruitcake before the real cooking begins. She may not
return to Twitter until time to return gifts starting on Monday.

5)
Warnings about a Hard Chicago Winter: Supposedly, the hardest winter in
twenty years is coming, touted with images from last year's blizzard
just for good measure, when it's 44 degrees outside. This is why
everybody's so dissatisfied; the doom and gloom of the news
broadcasts. We had one hard freeze and no snow. The grass is still
green and making buds. Let's enjoy the moment.

6)
Over-cheerful Helpers at the UPS Store wearing Santa Hats: Don't you
just want to slap them? They're celebrating the slow death of the US
Postal Office so they can charge three times as much for the same
services.

7) Dry, Smelly Christmas Trees; The Most Grinch
Dislike of all: At least the men no longer chain smoke in the same
room, because I make them go outside. Next year the men can decorate a
tree outside, and maybe light the gas grill and cook their own holiday meal. Just my luck, though, it
will snow in Chicago in December 2012.