5 Bands Studies Show Make You a Bad Person

According to "science," listening to Justin Bieber makes you a better person.

We've been hearing for years that rock music makes us bad people. We've heard it from our parents, from teachers, from those goody-goody kids at school. AC/DC has probably written at least 100 songs about the subject. But what if I told you that scientists in the Netherlands have proved definitively that rock music makes you a delinquent?

According to these scientists, "unconventional music" like rock, hip-hop, and metal not only makes you more likely to end up a bad person, but it also leads to you infecting those around you with your diseased musical taste. The study goes on to conclude that people who listen to Justin Bieber, One Direction, and other "highbrow" music become better students and better people.

Far be it from me to question the validity of these claims. I mean, I did grow up on "unconventional music" and now look at me: writing about it for a Web site and drinking beer while I do it! But it got me thinking, what bands made me the delinquent, criminal, beer-swilling, drug-taking piece of garbage that, according to this study, I am today? Where did we all go wrong in life? Here's a few of my guesses.

Photo by Marco Torres

5. Jay-Z
When I was a kid, I thought Jay-Z was so cool. I still do, I have to admit. This guy was rich and famous, yet he still went hard in the streets and openly admitted he came up from nothing. He had to be smart to get to his level of success. I idolized that in a big way.

But let's look at it. Jay-Z has been frequently misogynistic, he used to sell drugs and is unrepentant about that fact, he raps about drinking alcohol and partying, and he stabbed a bootlegger! After thinking it over, I realized that maybe this is why I've also been to a lot of parties and stabbed a lot of people who tried to make bootleg copies of my records! Damn you, Jay-Z!

4. Pantera
The cowboys from hell always got big props from me, and I'm sure most of our readership here at Rocks Off, because they were local. No matter how much shit the rest of the nation could give Texas, we had Pantera to shove in their faces, a band who lived and breathed the very attitude that the rest of the nation condemned us for. They were the embodiment of the real Texas man who could just beat those people's asses.

But upon further examination, Pantera endorsed drinking, suicide, smoking marijuana, violence, taking pills, and having sex with other people's girlfriends. Are these the values we grew up with? Is this what the Texas youth of today is living like? Clearly this must be the band who made us go wrong!