Your Only New Year’s Resolution Should Be To Shoot Your Shot More

Let me start by saying that I am, by most standards, a complete fucking loser. I spend most, if not all, of my time online. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll understand what I mean.

Every now and then, I’ll pick up a phrase floating in the shallow end of the internet cesspool and dissect it. “Shoot your shot” is something that has been tossed around on Twitter for a long time to reference diving into a girl’s DMs with a devil-may-care attitude. The first time I ever saw it applied in a practical situation was several years ago. Some guy on Twitter had posted two screenshots — one was a girl tweeting about how her boyfriend had recently died, and the second was the guy sending her “So you single now?” in a direct message. Magical. I will never understand how that website is still free.

Upon first glance it may seem incredibly simple, but shooting your shot is so much more than just sliding in the DMs trying to hit targets with your flesh arrow. It’s the feeling you get while interrupting that boner from HR while he’s talking to the new girl at work. Fuck off Harold; she doesn’t want to hear about your new Kia. It’s that fourteenth beer you need to finally send that “wyd” text at two in the morning to the girl that sits behind you in Corporate Finance. It’s that intuition that your client needs to hear that he or she sucks at what they do, and you’re going to help them un-fuck their problems. It’s letting go of whatever is holding you back from hitting send on that flaccid dick pic.

In totality, “shoot your shot” is an attitude more than anything else. It’s a complete disregard for the possibility of an unpleasant outcome based on action that you’re about to take. This new year has brought forth a litany of opportunities to challenge ourselves to be more (or less) of something. Drink more beer. Crush more pussy. Be less of a doucherocket. Time is expiring, and you have the ball. Let go of whatever is holding you back from becoming your true self and pull up for that three. Fuck tomorrow, ball today.

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shitto is a fifth yearsixth year lifetime underachiever. He spends his time posting drivel online, waiting to be consumed by overwhelming apathy. The only thing of value he has ever given the world is a collection of old tweets. He's been called "a jealous hater" and "an idiot."