Saturday, October 17, 2015

I Live in a Busy World

This is not a phenomenon I noticed recently, it had been here for some time, bugging my mind again and again. Nowadays, among friends, co-workers or even strangers, when you ask 'How are you?', the answer was no longer the standard 'fine'. I used to mock how that 'fine' was so auto that it didn't mean anything, but oh, how I miss it now.

People started conversation saying they're busy. Oh, whoops, so should I end this conversation now so that you can continue with your busyness? People giving you a list of their activities trying to tell you their schedule is too busy to include your suggested activity. Erm, okay, I get it you don't have time for this. Excuse me, I'm too busy to know your timetables too. People disappearing from act because they are too busy with whatever they are doing, when it is a teamwork. So... do I still call you a team mate or...? People grumbling about how heavy their workload is now, literally every time you see them. I know you are overworked, everyone is overworked. Wait, are you okay? Are you coping? Is this a distress signal?

Don't get me wrong, I was not immune to this 'disease' either. I read back those delayed posts I had in this very blog, how many times had I use the 'busy' word as an excuse? The truth is, when that happened, it has nothing to do with busy, at least most of the time. It was just, this blog post might not be on my priority list anymore. When I was a student, I tended to say I was busy studying. But, really? Did I really learn a lot? No. That just showed how bad a student I was, because that showed I haven't even manage a student life properly, I can't cope, I was not good enough.

And then, things changed. I looked at myself from outside me.

I disgusted myself with myself. It showed me how incompetent I was. It showed me a person who used excuse to cover excuses to dodge away whatever responsibilities that was thrown to me. It showed I was not being true to myself, to admit I changed my priority. Yes, blogging is no longer my top ten purpose in my life, get it straight, and admit it. It showed I was bad at managing my time, my study, and my priorities. You are a student, you are supposed to at least try to be good at studying, dude. It showed how sloppy I was. It showed how self-centred I was, telling everyone I was the one busy, that I mattered, the things I do is soooo much more important or bigger than them. And the truth is, how big is your work, is your own perspective. It showed I was not mature enough, with a big chunk of arrogance. I took it as though I have the biggest problem in the world, I was owed, I was the most unfortunate person in the world. What actually happened? I was not humble enough to realize everyone in this world has their own problem, and by doing that I'm shoving other's problem off and enlarging mine to hundred times, until I live in my own little bubble. It also could meant, I was not smart and wise enough to realize and solve my problem. Here you go again, I'm literally hanging a 'I AM DUMB' sign on my neck and be very proud of it. Dumb!

There are so many more examples that I can give, and most of them are not very good, cheerful ones.

In the process of doing all this 'busy stuff', not only did I belittled people around me, I belittled myself. I underestimated my own potential. I buried my dreams. I overshadowed my own chance to shine. And one of the worst things? When it is really 'busy', it doesn't add up to the effect anymore. My message here is not to tell people not to admit busy-ness when it is true. There will be times when you can't cope and is on the verge of collapsing. That's time when you need to ask for help, signal people around you to keep an eye on you. And if you have been stating your situation as 10/10 all the time, when it is really serious, there's no 11/10 for you. It was a bit of a cry-wolf effect.

In the end, I admitted to myself, that this is bad, for me, for my friend, for my family and for my entire life. I have to take responsibility for my life and what I really want to do with my life, I need to take charge and do something about it. And so I started to change, mentally, with attitude and action.

So far, it was going great. Most of the time, my respond to 'How are you?' became 'Great.' I see the world in a more positive light. It gave me hope to push myself further with every step. I also started to understand myself better in time, my strength, weakness and potential, limitations. I can see places I need to improve and certain aspects of my life I should feel proud of. I appreciate life better and looked forward to a better ones. The world no longer became about me, it became world, so much bigger and many to explore.

These are my take from the lesson I learned and purely my own interpretation and thoughts. I thought this post had a lot of 'I' and 'me' inside, but I wrote this from my own point of view, to not generalize too many of you. I hope it tickle your mind a little and make this world a better place.