How To Talk Dirty In Esperanto : Kiel Paroli Maldece en Esperanto

Introduction : Enkonduko

Be warned ! This is not for prudes.

I received an anonymous essay in the mail entitled How to Talk Dirty In Esperanto. In addition to
explaining the vocabulary of insults and sex, it is one of the best explanations of the grammar and suffixes I have
found. I have transcribed it here and augmented its vocabulary with other sources. Not all the words in this mini
dictionary are rude, but they may still be useful in sexual situations. There is much debate over the best terms. I
have included all I could find, even ones grammarians would reject.

Why Does this Essay Exist? : Kial Ekzistas Tia Eseo

My anonymous correspondent Brikan writes:

Some years ago (in 1972, to be exact) an article with this title appeared in the
National Lampoon and caused quite a stir on campuses across the country. It was however quite unreliable from the
linguistic point of view, since the authors had no qualms about inventing items they couldn’t find in their
(obviously very chintzy) dictionary. Even if you don’t wish to talk dirty in Esperanto or if you can only talk
clean in it and possess the same chintzy old dictionary (which fails to list everyday items like 'cock',
'cunt', 'fuck' etc.), you may find the following has some entertainment value if not immediate
practical use! (You may not, for example, know many native-speakers of the language. although they do exist! However,
you might consider composing a graffito in it the next time you visit your library shithouse — you’ll be amazed
at the number of racist and xenophobic comments that will evoke and who knows, you might even get a reply in
Esperanto depending on the intellectual level of your present educational establishment! Or you could always impress
your untravelled friends with your obviously profound grasp of another language after all, how many dirty words did
you manage to pick up after years of highschool French of Spanish? The present article is we assure you, quite
linguistically reliable!

What Is Esperanto : Kio Estas Esperanto

Esperanto (a.k.a. the International Language) is intended to be the common second language for all, a sort of
half-way language for everybody, to be used when dealing with fucking foreign bastards who haven’t had the wit
or foresight to learn our language. It was begun by Dr. L.L. Zamenhof in Poland (then Czarist Russia) in 1887 and is thus about to celebrate its centenary. There is a tremendous amount of literature
available in it, even including original erotic poetry, pornography and collections of dirty jokes. There are now
people who speak it (clean and/or dirty) in just about every country of the world, although it is perhaps most
popular in Europe. and especially eastern Europe, where those mother-fuckers seem to be much more aware of language
problems. There is even an international organization of cock-suckers and dykes who use the language. In 1985, UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation) accepted yet another resolution in favor of it, yet incredibly there are still lots of
ignorant ass-holes in North America who have never heard of it. Well then, pull your finger out and your knickers up
and let’s get on with it!

Pronunciation : Prononco

The language is perfectly phonetic — a letter always has the same sound and are no silent letters (as the p in
swimming). Unless you have a forked tongue, no lips or a cleft uvula you shouldn’t have any problems.
Pronounced just like English are: b, d, f, h, k, 1, m, n, p s t, v and z. As for: the rest, pay attention! First the
vowels (a, e, i, o and u) have approximately the same sounds as in the sentence "Pa,
may we go too?"

Esperanto Consonants and Dipthongs

aj

as in 'Spanish fly'

aux or aý

as in 'fat cow'

c

always sound like ts in 'tits'; 'cico' (nipple) then sounds like
'tseetsoh'

Grammar : Gramatiko

Esperanto has the easiest grammar in the world. If you can’t grasp this, you must be really fucking dumb and/or
else you spent too much time wanking in your grade 8 English classes. Memorise these basic rules and you’ll
have no trouble with the language. All Esperanto words consist of a root + an ending. The root gives the
meaning of the word and the ending tells you what part of speech it is. nothing could be simpler and there are
no exceptions! Read these explanations a couple of times, then study the examples.

Esperanto Parts of Speech

Part of Speech

Ending

Notes

nouns

(root) + o(n)

All singular nouns end in +o (if they are subjects) or +on (if they are direct objects.

(root) + oj(n)

All plural nouns end in +oj (if they are subjects) or +ojn (if they are direct objects.

verbs

(root) + i

infinitive, e.g. mangxi = to eat, sucxi = to suck. The verb endings never change to agree with
singular or plural etc. as in French or spanish.

(root) + as

present

(root) + is

past

(root) + os

future

(root) + us

conditional

(root) + u

imperative

adverbs

(root) + e

bone = good, well, rapide = quickly.

Esperanto examples

Examples

Esperanto

English

Sxekspiro sucxas bone.

Shakespear sucks well.

Kaco estas bona ilo.

A cock is a good instrument.

Mia fratino mangxis mian viandon.

My sister ate my meat.

Lia onklino ne mangxas varman viandon.

His aunt doesn’t eat hot meat.

Grandaj mamoj estus belaj.

Big tits would be beautiful.

Sandra lekas fratajn kojonojn.

Sandra licks brother’s (fraternal) balls.

Sandra lekos haran pugtruon.

Sandra will lick a hairy ass-hole. Fektruon is shithole, preferred by Non-Engish
speakers.

Fiku vian patrinon rapide.

Fuck your mother quickly.

If you have studied these examples carefully enough, you should now be able to say (among other things): My beautiful
cock will be big. His balls are hot. Your aunt licked big tits well. A hairy instrument would be beautiful.
Shakespear fucked my beautiful sister. Suck his hot cock quickly! Lick beautiful tits!

Affixes : Afiksoj

One extremely useful means of word-building in Esperanto is through the use of affixes (prefixes and suffixes) stuck
straight onto your root. Let’s try out a few.

That’s really not bad for a beginner! Just think what you could do after a few hour’s study!

Vocabulary : Vortareto

Esparanto Dictionary

aj

ouch

akselo

armpit

ambauxseksema

bisexual

amori

to make love, have sex

anuso

anus

anusulo

asshole (person)

atleta

athletic

bugri

to bugger, fuck in the ass

cico

nipple

cxuri

(cxuri sin) to jerk off

cxiesulino

prostitute, whore

cxuro

come, cum, jism

damne

damned

dauxra

lasting

dika

thick

ekshibiciulo

exhibitionist

fek

Shit! (interjection)

fekado

the act of shitting

fekajxo

droppings, shitty thing

fekero

turd, piece of shit

feki

to shit

feko

shit, faeces

fektruo

shithole, asshole

fendo

crack, slit

fikadi

to go on fucking.

fikantino

female fucking now

fikanto

male fucking now

fikatino

female being fucked now

fikato

male being fucked now

fiki

to fuck

fikintino

female who has fucked

fikinto

male who has fucked

fikitino

female who has been fucked

fikito

male who has been fucked

fikontino

female who is about to fuck

fikonto

male who is about to fuck

fikotino

female who is about to be fucked

fikoto

male who is about to be fucked

fikuntino

female who would fuck

fikunto

male who would fuck

fikutino

female who would be fucked

fikuto

male who would be fucked

fingrumi

to masturbate

forfikigxi

to fuck off

forta

vigorous

frandzi

to perform cunnilingus on

frapeti

flick

frapi

hit

froti

to rub

furzi

to fart

furzo

fart

gadmeso

dildo

geja

gay. Not derogatory.

glano

head of cock, knob

hara

hairy

harega

very hairy

hareta

slightly hairy

huj

ouch

kacego

big cock

kaceto

little cock

kaco-sucxi

to suck cock

kaco

cock

kacujo

jock strap

kaki

to poop, make do-do

kisi

to kiss

klabo

club, whopper, dong, whang

kojonoj

balls

kondomo

condom

korpulenta

fat

kreteno

an idiot, a moron

kurba

literally bent. It is derogatory British slang for gay

leki

to lick

liki

to dribble, leak

longa

long

magra

lean

malcxastulino

a slut

maldika

thin

mallonga

short

malmola

hard

malpli

less

malrapide

slowly

malseka

wet

malstreta

loose

malvarma

cold

mam-pinto

nipple

mamo

breast, boob, knocker, headlight

masagxi

to massage

masturbi

to jerk off

merdo

shit

midzi

to suck cock

mola

soft

mordegi

bite hard

mordeti

nibble

mordi

bite

naz-muko

snot

onani

to jerk off (oneself)

onanigi

to jerk off (someone else)

ovoj

eggs, balls

patrinfikulo

motherfucker

peniso

penis

picxo

cunt

picxo-leki

to lick cunt

pisi

to piss

pizango

whopper, big banana, plantain

pli

more

postajxo

behind, bottom

prepucio

foreskin

publikulino

prostitute, whore

pubo

pubic hair

pugo

bum

putinfilacxo

son of a bitch

putino

whore, tart

rapide

rapidly

razita

clean-shaven

rektumo

rectum

rigida

rigid

ronda

round

samseksema

homosexual

seka

dry

seksumi

to fuck (intransitive), to copulate

sid-vangoj

ass-cheeks

skroto

scrotum

sodomii

to have anal sex (intransitive)

sodomiigi

to sodomize, fuck in the arse (transitive)

spili

to bore, screw

streta

tight

sucxi

to suck

sxmaci

to kiss noisily, smack lips

sxpruci

to spurt, shoot

umbiliko

belly button

vagineto

small vagina

vagino

vagina

varma

hot

viando

meat

vipi

to whip

volupta

lewd, horny

voluptama

lewd, horny

Dictionary : Vortaro

You should be able to find a complete list of these and other affixes in any decent Esperanto grammar or dictionary
in your local library or bookstore. Just ask the librarian where the dics are. If the response is not satisfactory,
threaten to get your own. Then, next time you’re there, take it out and show it to him/her.

Greyed out stores probably do not have the item in stock. Try looking for it with a bookfinder.

A good one is John C. Wells’
Esperanto Dictionary. At least he gives most of these words in the Esperanto to English. section, but
not in the English to Esperanto half. Failing that, look up Esperanto your local telephone book and give them a
call. However, we wouldn’t recommend trying out your newly acquired linguistic abilities on them, even though
most Esperanto-speakers are usually pretty broad-minded!

Links : Ligoj

Good Bye : Adiaux

For obvious reasons the authorship of this introductory lesson must remain discreetly anonymous!

Farewell, fair reader! We hope you have been entertained, if not edified and can now talk dirty in Esperanto.
N.B. It is also possible to talk clean in this language and we hope you will try that too! Now, go and wash you
mouth out, you evil pervert.
~ brikan