3/11/13

I admit, pregnancy has been hard on me. The aches and pains, mood swings, nausea, migraines, body changes.... I feel like I have lost control of everything! But more than that, I have been struggling on the inside. Feelings of inadequacy can be all consuming at times. So many nights I have cried myself to sleep feeling that this baby deserves better. She is a special daughter of our Heavenly Father and she deserves the world. I know that Satan would have me feel inferior, incapable, unprepared. Last night I knelt and earnestly prayed for comfort, support, and love. I want to see myself the way God does. I want to know that he has sent me this beautiful little girl because he knows I can do this. All I know is I do love her. I know I would and will do anything to protect her, and provide her with all of the happiness this life has to offer. I will stop at nothing for her. Last week Ernest and I got to hear the heartbeat again. It was wonderful to have him there with me for that special experience. He lit up at the sound of her heart, as I always do. Even though he isn't the biological father, I am so lucky to have his support and unfailing optimism. It really takes a special person to do what he does. In a couple of weeks we have the ultrasound to check on her kidneys, and tomorrow I have my glucose test. YIKES! Wish me luck!

6 comments:

I just wrote a post today about the lies Satan wants us to believe about our bodies. I am starting to realize that he wants us to feel incapable and inferior in every way and not just spiritually. How often do we feel we are not good enough? Too often. You are wise to realize Satan is the mastermind behind self-doubt. The Lord doesn't want us to feel that way, ever. You will be a great mother -- you already are! Keep it up Nadia!

I think every mother has feelings of inadequacy before the birth of their first baby...I know I did! But Heavenly Father would not send this beautiful, special spirit to you unless he thought she would be looked after and taken care of by a loving and capable mother :) Just follow your instincts and remember there is a whole network of mothers out there to help you along the way. Stay positive! They are so worth it :)

I’ve been through many life changing, decision making sessions myself. None so incredible as you are going through right now. But I do know this:Any time I have made a decision to do something, and start acting upon it, if I have feelings of self doubt I stop what I am doing and look at the alternative answer. I do all the research I can on the alternative answer and see if that one offers me more happiness and joy with less self doubt. It’s true that most of the time it is Satan who tries to steer us away from good decisions. But sometimes the underlying tone of the things that are steering us away from a good decision is our Heavenly Father saying, “No my precious little one. This is not the plan I have in store for you.” While we are trying to figure out which path is the one he wants us to make. Many times we have secret hopes that our desire is the one he desires for us too, but need to realize it’s not always the case!These decisions that you have decided between, raising your daughter or placing her for adoption are BIG decisions. They are also the most selfless decisions you will ever make! It’s not about what is good for YOU it’s all about what is good for HER. No matter what you will always be her mother. She will always be your daughter. It’s biology! She will always love you and you will be an amazing mother no matter your decision. But perhaps the selfless decision involves allowing someone else to raise her and guide her back to Heavenly Father. Adoption is not all closed doors, never see your child again, anymore. Now adoption is very open! It’s all for you to do research on, not me to tell you. Here’s an amazing place to start: https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/pregnant/what-are-my-options/adoption/?lang=engAnd then if you would rather talk to people in person, who are able to help you clear your head and find joy and help you stop doubting yourself, these people here at the Mesa LDS Family Services Office (235 South El Dorado Circle, Mesa, AZ, 85202-1044. (480)986.2995) are amazing people!I wish you the best of luck, and pray that you may have your heart and mind open to hear whatever calming answer it is our Father wants to share with you. I also pray that you have the courage to follow through with the answers he gives to you. You can do it. You are already an amazing mother by doing the best you can and looking for the best situation your daughter should have.

Nothing frustrates me more than anonymous comments. Especially in regards to something as delicate, and sensitive a subject as the well-being of my unborn child. I can't help but feel that leaving an anonymous comment like that is cowardly. First of all, I get the feeling that you haven't read my blog in depth, nor do you know me personally. Because if you had, or if you did, you would know that I have been extremely prayerful about this decision. It wasn't until I received a warm, overwhelming answer to an ongoing and earnest prayer that I decided to keep this baby. I attend church every Sunday, I read my scriptures, and I pray daily. I feel that I am at a point in my life that I can discern between the warm and comforting feelings of the Spirit, and Satan's lies. I have no doubt that you meant well with your comment. And I may sound angry but I'm not. I just want to set the record straight. The decision to keep my daughter wasn't made on a whim. It was made with prayer, and a confirmation from Heavenly Father. Sure there are still sleepless nights and tears. That is because I love this child and I want what is best for her. The decision to keep her was not a selfish one. It hurts me to think that anyone would question my intentions.