Real advice from real people

“I have feelings for a work colleague”

Okay here goes – so there is this guy I work with, for the past few months he’s really caught my eye but for the past week, ever since a work’s night out drinking, I feel that I have developed something even stronger. I just have this gut feeling that he has as well but there are some issues.

I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, my boyfriend was my first and I’m pretty sure his girlfriend was his, we’ve both been with our partners for a long time.
Although I’m not a geek, I feel he’s a bit more popular than me, he’s not like the most popular person on earth and we have a lot in common really, just his girlfriend in my opinion is prettier and skinnier than me which leads me to believe this is all in my head as why would he like me when he has her?
I feel he’s showed me signs he might have an interest but because he has a girlfriend he wants to hide it which is making it very hard for me to understand whether he feels the same way or not.
He’s a friendly guy in general so I’m worried I’m mistaking his kindness for something else.

Every time he’s around and especially when he talks to me, I get very nervous, you know blushing, sweating, nervous shakes, unable to look him in the eye for a long time. On this works night out we chatted a lot but because I’ve convinced myself it’s all in my head I feel like maybe I was the one who was chatting and he was going along with it? He was asking me questions about myself etc and about my boyfriend etc just to get to know me and I was doing the same back. He talks about his girlfriend every now and then, just like I talk about my boyfriend, but I think it’s so we both try to act less obvious that we like each other?

Anyway.. we’re both early twenties. Neither of us show that we’re unhappy in our relationships but is it just an act? I’m not unhappy in mine I just feel attracted to someone else which is already making me feel like an awful person so please no judging, maybe he feels the same way? He blushes when he speaks to me but I think he goes red a lot anyway so I don’t know. We sit back to back, it’s hard to tell a lot of the time, but one major thing is that he finishes his shift before mine and every time he’s left this week he’s engaged in a very quick look and eye contact with me every time he’s left? Even after he’s already said bye? He must be aware?? Help!!!

2 thoughts on ““I have feelings for a work colleague””

Oh boy. If you don’t mind I’ll just say it. Not a good idea to start something without finishing another. It’s not fair to your boyfriend that you are in this state. So there’s that. Same thing with this guys girlfriend. If he does it to ger, will he do it to you down the road? Also, if things don’t work out what about being at work with him after the mess? Sorry, but I’d shit this one down in a hurry. I’ve made a similar mistake and it didn’t end well

I kind of agree with Rob. Starting one relationship before you finish the other will only leave a mess. But I also know of relationships that started that way and now the couples are married. They did of course end what they had going in first but the point is you can’t always let something like “oh if you breakup things will be awkward at work” stop you from going out and acting on the feeling. You’re still young and you are allowed to make mistakes and learn lessons. Good luck.