24 February 2008

I'm so tired...

...I can't even sleep. Sigh.

Wow, I'm actually burnt out.... again. Luckily tomorrow is Sunday and I'm forbidding myself from leaving the house (good thing the gym closes at 4:30pm for staff party and since it's almost 7am now, chances are I won't make it).

It's hard for me to describe what I'm feeling right now, it's like after a week-long session of doing so much, you're all done but now is when you really pay the price, when you're body is really aching and your mind is really, really sore. I did another back-to-back Chinese/English comedy session tonight, honestly, it takes a lot out of me to do two shows especially when I myself have expectations that just mount on top of all the pressure I'm already under. It's a good pressure really, but it sure wears me down over time. Much like how if you've been following my posts from when I started, I was productivity crazy and don't get me wrong, I still am, but in many ways I'm reaping what I sowed so I'm able to do so much more. The problem is, much like everything in life, too much of anything isn't good. Too much of a good thing can wear you down just as much as too much of a bad thing.... oddly.

I had a great time doing comedy tonight, everyone had a great laugh and in general it went well :). I'm getting more and more comfortable on stage but no matter how many times I've done it, those 12 minutes I'm on for is brutal. I have to make sure for those 12 minutes I'm in tip-top condition.... and entertaining! That's the real pressure! Anyways, I don't want this post being me bitching about pressure, it's really a good pressure after all.

I've come to realize I'm quite a greedy person. When given 24 hours, I want 25. Not because I don't appreciate 24 but because I know I can definitely appreciate all 25! For this past week, every day has been a jump-start day for me in the sense I wake up and it's time for me to be alert and working. I've been putting in a lot of effort trying to keep on top of my work, my social life, my band, my comedy, my facebook friends, my family, my drumming, my fitness routine, my goodness, a lot of my's involved. Like I said, I'm greedy! I want, I want, I want more! But is it so wrong?

In 2 days, I will mark the 1 year anniversary of my blog. 1 Year! Woah! Once again, I can say no more than "so much has changed!" Boy, I could talk a lot about that but I'll leave it to my 1 year entry (ie. my 2nd Major Entry). I don't want to repeat the same stuff I said in my 1st Major Entry, but boy oh boy has stuff changed!

I was walking home tonight after the comedy show and some food and it was peaceful. I was, as you know, exhausted. I realized at that moment, I really just wanted to sit somewhere with someone and relax. Like hear them talk for a change. I could use a massage (but who couldn't) and just pamper myself a bit. It's 7:01am right now, I'm feeling my eyes slowly close but my brain is still clogged up and I know if I go to bed now, I'll still be awake.

There's a lot I want to do and a lot I will do. I was talking to my band's guitarist, Hypno last night and we were talking about our dreams as a musician. Actually all the guys in my band have similar ideas about themselves and the band which works great because that way we complement each other as much as possible and a lot of synergy comes into play. I'm excited about so many things happening in my life and as one of the other comedians said today "Vivek, this is your year." It really is. Like I said when 2008 started, Carpe Diem and Bring It! I really meant it, I may be burnt out right now but I'm not broken. I may be mentally clogged but I'm not shattered. As long as I'm alive and still in one piece, I'll always have at least an inkling of faith that I can do what I want to do.

I may be exhausted now, but at least I know tomorrow when I wake up I'll feel better. And even if I don't, so what? I'm still breathing, I can still get up and walk around! I can still see the world around me and best of all, I can still enjoy life. I know, I know, I may be sounding too optimistic here but honestly, this is how I think now. I've got no time for pessimism. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an eternal optimist! Far, far, far, far, far from it! I'm a realist as much as I along with my values will permit. I'm not the type of guy to say "Oh well, that's life." and try to accept what I'm served. I think that's an excuse to tell yourself you don't have a choice but to take it and move on. I'm the type of guy that says "This is not what I want! So I will change it because I know I can." I'm that type of an optimist.

Anyways, I hope you all have a good, relaxing and refreshing weekend ;). Good night and good morning, I'm greedy, so I want both :).