Stephen begins with "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?" and chastises Fred Claus and bigthink.com. He then interviews Peter Hopkins, co-founder of that website. After Part 3 of "National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen," he announces that his portrait will be on display at the National Portrait Gallery by the 2nd floor bathrooms for the next six weeks. Finally, Stephen interviews Jared Cohen about his experiences in the Middle East.

Stephen begins by interviewing Benjamin Eckstein again, this time about the Nevada Republican caucus. The roulette wheel makes another appearance, and it chooses Mike Huckabee (with Stephen's help). In the "Colberto Reporto Gigante," Esteban Colberto "interviews" Lou Dobbs. The interview mixes clips of Dobbs' interview with Stephen on January 24, 2007, with Stephen's previous questions, asked in Spanish by Esteban. Finally, Stephen interviews David Levy about his book, Love and Sex with Robots.

February

Stephen talks about John McCain's rise in the polls, and jokes that since the media has said that a vote for Mike Huckabee is a vote for McCain, and Stephen is Huckabee's "running mate," then Stephen is really John McCain. He is soon interrupted by Jon Stewart and Conan O'Brien, who left the set of The Daily Show to continue their fight. After some playful attacks, Stephen gets them to leave and continues the show. He interviews Tony Campolo, an EvangelicalDemocrat, about his book on faith and politics. Next, Stephen interviews Jacob Weisberg about his book, The Bush Tragedy. At the end of the show, Stephen and Jon find that Conan has already left, so they go to confront him on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

"Hey Cupid, put on some damn pants! No one wants to see baby bits! This is The Colbert Report."

February 14

4024

Stephen begins with "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?," putting German comedian Oliver Pocher on notice for stealing his pose that he used on the front cover of GQ magazine. He then talks about the Roger Clemens hearing. He then interviews John Feinstein about the use of steroids in sports. In the "People Destroying America" segment, Stephen talks about Susan Pagan, who refused to give her daughter a free Happy Meal for getting good grades. Finally, he interviews Leonard Nimoy about his new book.

March

"If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it could be a terrorist. Shoot it either way. This is The Colbert Report."

March 3

4028

Stephen starts by talking about the Colbert Bump and how it has been proven to benefit people who appear on his show. He points out a Los Angeles Times op-ed by James H. Fowler that summarizes research showing that Democratic candidates who come on the show receive 44% more in campaign donations. He then begins a new segment called, "Das Booty – The Hunt for Hitler'sGold," in which he claims he will attempt to find two tons of Nazi gold. He then interviews Lorin Maazel about playing music in North Korea. Finally, Stephen interviews Shashi Tharoor about technology in India.

Stephen starts by talking about John McCain and his support from John Hagee. Stephen expresses his anger of Hagee's views about Catholics. However, as a Christian, he is forced to turn the other cheek. Therefore, Stephen gets William Donohue to express his anger for him. In "The Wørd," he talks about McCain's continued claims of experience, but only over certain things. Next, Howard Dean calls Stephen to talk about the primaries. In "Nailed 'Em," he talks about a six-year-old girl who was cited for vandalism after drawing on the pavement in front of her front door with chalk. Finally, Stephen interviews Jennifer 8. Lee about Chinese food.

"Daylight Savings Time starts Sunday. Maybe that'll get us out of this daylight debt crisis. This is The Colbert Report."

March 6

4031

Stephen talks about John McCain, and about him having a hot dog lunch with George W. Bush. In "The Wørd," he claims that phone companies should be allowed to tap phone calls. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA," Stephen talks about surgery and heart health. He then interviews John Legend about his music and his support for Barack Obama. Finally, Stephen sings "The Girl Is Mine" with Legend.

Stephen begins by talking about the Eliot Spitzer scandal. In "The Wørd," he talks about Hillary Clinton's claim that she is ahead in the Democratic primaries because she was won bigger states. Stephen then presents a special repor-t called, "The '72 Democrats: Alone Again Naturally" covering the history of the 1972 Democratic presidential race. Stephen makes clear his dislike of George McGovern, whom he then interviews. This episode marks the first appearance of the phrase "President Bush Have a Hot Dog With Me" in the opening titles.

"Hey blood bank, that cookie sucked. I want my blood back. This is The Colbert Report."

March 11

4033

Stephen talks about his hate for John McCain, which he is forced to set aside to support him as the Republicanpresidential nominee. In "The Wørd," Stephen explains how McCain is like a boyfriend who the country could get used to after getting to know him better. In the "Colbert Platinum" segment, he talks about fake Ferraris and the destruction of homes in Liechtenstein. Finally, Stephen interviews Geraldo Rivera about his new book, His Panic.

"If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I'd be broke. This is The Colbert Report."

March 12

4034

Stephen begins by talking about the resignation of Eliot Spitzer. In "Smokin' Pole: The Fight For Arctic Riches," Stephen talks about Alaska and how it may help America gain more control of the Arctic. In "Better Know A Lobby," he talks about the drug lobby and interviews Ethan Nadelmann of the Drug Policy Alliance. Finally, Stephen interviews Howard Kurtz about the media.

"We have a really big show tonight, but it's a little sensitive, so call it 'husky.' This is The Colbert Report."

March 31

4040

Stephen starts by talking about the start of the new baseball season, and claims that some of the people involved in rioting in Iraq were Chicago Cubs fans. He then talks about Philadelphia, claiming he has been studying the city's history and then moves onto "Stephen Colbert's Doritos Spicy Sweet Pennsylvania Primary Coverage Live from Chilidelphia: The City of Brotherly Crunch." He then mentions that Barack Obama scored 37 (out of 300) in a bowling game. Next, he interviews Eric Alterman about liberalism. Stephen then broadcasts a repeat of the seventh Tek Jansen episode, announcing that a new episode will be shown on April 3. Finally, he interviews Michael Reynolds about building houses out of garbage.

"It's not a recession, it's a correction. Correction, it's a recession. This is The Colbert Report."

April 3

4043

Stephen talks about his Peabody Award and claims that the award should be shared between him and Doritos. In "The Wørd", Stephen says that the 2008 Beijing Olympics are too important to boycott. He then shows the eighth episode of Tek Jansen. He then interviews Clay Shirky about the Internet. Finally, Jason Baker, one of The Colbert Report's editors, performs the song "You Are the Best", which featured in the Tek Jansen episode.

"There are eight million stories in the Naked City; most would look better with their clothes on. This is The Colbert Report."

April 9

4046

Stephen starts by talking about the Olympic Flame relay, believing that Tibetanmonks are being bullies and that the Flame is suffering the worst. In "The Wørd," he talks about the record donations being made to the Democratic Party and claims that it would be better for them to buy their own country. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," he covers living older, sexual health and surgery. Finally, he interviews Jeff Gore about retiring the penny.

Taped in Philadelphia, the program is introduced by a Benjamin Franklin impersonator. Stephen talks about his new set, which includes a giant map of Pennsylvania. Stephen then talks about the Pennsylvania Democratic primary and what has led up to it. He then interviews Michael Nutter, the mayor of Philadelphia, about violence in the city and his policy on guns. Finally, Stephen interviews Chris Matthews about the upcoming primary. The word that appears next to Stephen in the opening credits changes to SELF-EVIDENT.

At the top of the show, the screen behind Stephen goes out suddenly, until Hillary Clinton comes out and helps fix it. Stephen then talks about the ABC NewsDemocratic debate. Stephen interviews Patrick Murphy about his time serving in Iraq. Next, John Edwards delivers "Ed Wørds," explaining how white men are the key voters in the upcoming primaries, and how he still isn't sure who he will endorse for president. Finally, Barack Obama appears via satellite and declares political distractions on notice.

"If I learned one thing from the Liberty Bell, it's that crack is wack. Stay in school, kids. This is The Colbert Report."

April 21

4052

Stephen starts by talking about his visit to Philadelphia. He then talks about food shortages and predicts that cannibalism will grow in ten years time. Stephen then talks about Pope Benedict XVI's visit to the United States with James Martin. He then interviews Bernie Sanders about socialism. The show finished with Stephen eating his stage manager Bobby. "PRESIDENT BUSH HAVE A HOTDOG WITH ME" returns as the word next to Stephen in the opening credits.

"Nation, I'm really under the gun. Seriously, I stashed a pistol under my toupée. This is The Colbert Report."

April 23

4054

Stephen starts by talking about the Time 100 and attacking Rain, who is still ahead of him in the poll. In "The Wørd," he talks about the results of the Pennsylvania Democratic primary. In "Colbert Platinum," he talks about underwater convertibles, buying the remains of dinosaurs, and Caffé Raro, the most expensive coffee in the world. Stephen then interviews Mitch Albom about his books. He ends by talking about "The Lost O'Reilly Tapes," which he claims is two minutes of lost footage from his interview with Bill O'Reilly.

"Happy Cinco de Mayo. Remember, tomorrow's a great day to buy a used piñata. This is The Colbert Report.

May 5

4060

Stephen begins by talking about the Time 100 and losing again to Rain and, again, issues his dance-off challenge to him. In "The Wørd," he talks about Hillary Clinton and John McCain's plan for a gas tax holiday. Stephen then talks about Rain's movie debut in the film Speed Racer. In "Alpha Dog of the Week," he congratulates an anonymous Tennessee911 operator who fell asleep during an emergency call. He then interviews Carl Hiaasen about his book, The Downhill Lie. Rain then turns up for the dance-off.

Stephen begins by talking about an article which states that a woman's voice becomes sexier when she is ovulating. In "The Wørd," he argues that George W. Bush is not as big a political liablilty as Jeremiah Wright. In a special edition of "Stephen's Sound Advice," he talks about Karl Rove's advice on how to win the election. Finally, Stephen interviews Nathan Gunn about opera.

Stephen first talks about collecting his Peabody Award. He then goes on to talk about prisoners at Guantanamo being able to challenge their cases in civilian courts and interviews Neal Katyal about the decision. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," Stephen talks about Ken Griffey Jr. scoring his 600th home run, gambling in basketball, and Mike Forrester making it through to the next stage of his timber sports contest. Finally, he interviews Jonathan Zittrain on the future of the internet.

Stephen again starts by talking about his Peabody Award. In "The Wørd," he says that John McCain is distancing himself from President Bush by using another word to describe the War on Terror. Stephen then talks about Barack Obama going to church in a new segment, "Stephen Colbert's Barack Obama Church Search," and discusses if Obama should be a Hindu. He then talks to Uma Mysorekar about the faith. Finally, Stephen interviews Junot Díaz about his books.

"Beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder; I've checked. There's nothing in there but veins and goo. This is The Colbert Report."

June 19

4082

Stephen starts with a "Shout Out" to George Foster Peabody for winning the "Stephen T. Colbert Award in Excellence for Recognizing Excellence." He then talks about comments made by Sean Hannity. Stephen then talks about cookies no longer being the most popular snack for children under the age of 6, blaming Cookie Monster for eating fruit. This results in Cookie Monster making a guest appearance. Finally, he interviews N. T. Wright on Christianity and heaven. During the signing off, Stephen notices his Peabody is missing, which Cookie Monster noticed before and described it as looking like a cookie, but Stephen slaps his hand away. When he notices his Peabody is missing, he asks, "Cookie Monster, did you eat my Peabody?"

"Guests of The Colbert Report stay at the luxurious...crashing with a friend. This is The Colbert Report."

June 23

4083

Stephen talks about the anniversary of him breaking his wrist and points out cuts and bruises on his face, starting a campaign against "face violence". He then talks about South Africa ruling that Chinese South Africans are black. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at Barack Obama, then tips his hat to him. He wags his finger at California, tips his hat to condoms and the South Pole and wags his finger at high fuel prices. Finally, Stephen interviews Barbara Ehrenreich about the differences between the rich and poor.

"Good fences make good neighbors and good neighbors make good fences. Get on it, Mexico. This is The Colbert Report."

July 16

4089

The show starts with the song "Limelight" by Rush being played instead of the normal theme tune. Stephen complains to Jimmy, who claims to be a big Rush fan. In "The Wørd," Stephen says that we need to think that the economy is getting better in order to make it better. In "Alpha Dog of the Week," he praises George W. Bush for his attitude to the environment at the G8 Summit. Stephen then interviews Rush, who then perform their classic, "Tom Sawyer." The word next to Stephen in the opening credits reads, "ROCK ON!"

"Batman may have ruled the box office but Mamma Mia! ruled my heart. This is The Colbert Report."

July 21

4091

Stephen discusses Barack Obama's foreign trip in "Barack Obama's Elitist Summer Abroad." He then talks about John McCain's travel plans in "John McCain's Fiscally Responsible Staycation." In "Better Know a Lobby," Stephen profiles the environmental lobby. Finally, Stephen interviews Jim Webb about politics and his book, A Time to Fight. The word next to Stephen in the opening credits changes to "MULTI-GRAIN."

"Tonight's Colbert penny pincher: if you're out of milk, add water to yogurt. This is The Colbert Report."

August 13

4105

Stephen begins by breaking the world record for the number of episodes of The Colbert Report. He then discusses John McCain allegedly plagiarizing Wikipedia. He then blames Monica Goodling for most of the world's problems. In "Formidable Opponent," Stephen debates himself on the merits of offshore oil drilling. Finally, Stephen interviews Dick Meyer about his book, Why We Hate Us.

"Hey, autumnal equinox! If the nights are getting longer, why is my show still only a half-hour? This is The Colbert Report."

September 23

4119

Stephen talks about his show winning an Emmy Award for writing, but losing an Emmy Award to Don Rickles, and discovers one of his writers, Peter Gross, was at Rickles' show. In "The Wørd," he talks about the economic crisis. Stephen then punishes Gross by making him write insults to himself. He then talks about the Republican Party using songs without permission. Stephen then interviews Jackson Browne, who is suing John McCain for using his song, "Running on Empty." Browne then performs his song, "Going Down to Cuba."

October

Stephen begins by talking about the economic crisis, by saying that out of the companies in the S&P 500, only one saw an increase in its stock value on Monday: Campbell's Soup. In "The Wørd," he claims it is a good idea to report on news before it has happened. Stephen then talks about increasing voter turnout and says it is better for young people to abstain from voting. Finally, he interviews Dave Levin about KIPP.

Stephen begins by talking about O. J. Simpson being found guilty of kidnapping and armed robbery. He plans to bust him out by going to jail himself, so he shots the audience member he shot in the previous show again. In "The Wørd," Stephen talks about Sarah Palin not talking about the cause of climate change, and claims that causes are America's greatest enemy. He then presents a special financial edition of "Un-American News". Stephen then interviews Jim Cramer about the economic crisis.

Stephen is angry that some astronomers claim Jesus was born in June and complains about atheists. He is then visited by the ghost of his former stage manager, Bobby, which Stephen says proves the existence of God. He then interviews Michael Phelps about his career and new book, No Limits: The Will to Succeed. Finally, Stephen eats the ghost of Bobby.