I'm divorcing a narcissist after 8 years of crazy. This is my story of getting out and healing from the abuse.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I found out earlier this week that after The Narcissist’s car accident, he received a substantial amount of insurance money back for all of the upgrades that were put into his Jeep. What is interesting about this situation is that The Narcissist did not tell me about the money, did not offer to share the money with me, and still allowed me to use my bonus to pay off some of our financial obligations without even offering to help.

I am understandably furious about this. I mean of all the things that The Narcissist put me through it really feels like he was just looking for absolutely any way to screw me over. Apparently 8 years of physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual and spiritual abuse wasn’t enough for The Narcissist. For me, the final nail in the coffin that I really needed to cut all emotional ties to The Narcissist came shortly after I moved out when he immediately was ‘in love’ with Southern Rose. But this financial f*ck is really just icing on the entire cake that is The Narcissist.

What I find most interesting about this entire scenario is that as only a narcissist could, The Narcissist made the entire situation my fault. You see, I wasn’t speaking to The Narcissist at the time he got the reimbursement because I had told him to go to hell after the Southern Rose incident… I also told him I didn’t want any of my stuff, or anything from him and never wanted to speak with him again. So, The Narcissist claims that since I didn’t wan’t anything he didn’t think I would want the money. He basically spent the rest of the phone call telling me that he loves me more than he even knew he was capable and he can’t even imagine loving anyone else as much as he loves me and he will always be there for me and always take care of me no matter what happens in life. When I hit him with the “actions speak louder than words” argument… he told me I was just being angry and he wasn’t going to speak to me any further if I had that tone.

So to summarize this awesomely deep extra stab of the knife:

While married, The Narcissist and I spent our (MY) hard-earned money… well over $10,000 on upgrades to his Jeep Wrangler so he could feel like a bad-ass.

I dropped everything and came to his rescue when said Jeep was totaled and he needed staples in head. He spent the entire time in the ER sending selfies to who I now assume was Southern Rose.

After he had me babysit the dog for him so he could take Southern Rose on a romantic weekend, and then came back from that weekend and attempted to have sex with me… I stopped talking to him and told him to go to hell.

The Narcissist received some large chunk of money back from insurance to cover all of those Jeep modifications, as well as the full value of his Jeep.

Even though I was furious at him and never wanted to see him again, I continued to pay things off for us as agreed upon and The Narcissist let me without ever even mentioning the money to me.

The Narcissist spent the insurance money “to pay off credit card debt” and he “donated a lot of it to people in need.” When I accused him of using it to buy things for all the girls he was courting he reminded me “that I don’t know anything about him” and “there were no girls.”

Then The Narcissist also sent me this gem of an email yesterday….

“So don’t come and take your anger and jealously out on me because I picked myself up. Because GOD lifted me up. And put me in a better place than ever before.

You REALLY don’t know me. You stopped listening and caring about me years ago. You seem to have convinced yourself of so many false and damaging things. That was apparent when you spoke to me on the phone last night and were saying things that haven’t ever happened. I don’t tell anyone anything about “what a great fucking person” I am. That’s your illusion. So you should stop convincing yourself that because others appreciate me and want to be in my life, that it’s not genuine. My focus is on God.

You will not ever get what you are seeking this way. God doesn’t support those who attack me. Don’t believe me? Okay. Time will speak for itself.

Whether you like to acknowledge it or not, You ran away. You abandoned our marriage. You choose yourself. No matter how much you deny the truth about how you really feel about me and your choices it won’t make it not true. You are in a very dark place personally & spiritually. You have been for a LONG time now. And you will never love yourself this way, let alone others.

No matter how much and many times you lash out and attack me, I still choose love and kindness. You think I ruined your life? You think I’m to blame for your anger… hate… sadness… I’m not. Your past does not define your future, you do. And you left me almost a year ago. These past 11 months you have had the opportunity to become any woman you wanted to be. So today if you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror you need to realize I wasn’t apart of it. You made sure to make that very clear every step of the way.

I’m willing to help you. All the way until you get your bonus. That’s actually why I called you yesterday. To offer my financial support. I was honestly going to offer to bring you a $1000 check every month until you got to a place where you weren’t financially worried anymore. I was going to let you decide when that would be. I was going to offer you my financial support even when you made more than me this entire time. Even after you cried and yelled at me on the phone I still offered my support. YOU SAID NO… multiple times yesterday.

I’m still willing to help you. But I won’t help those who attack me. That would just be stupid. If you want my help you will need to call me. Because I’m not doing this through email. And if you take my kindness and put this on your blog to criticize or attempt to shame me… then I’m not giving you another chance.”

*note the blaming, gaslighting, threatening, and all around tarnishing of my life choices in this message?!?! This is what every single day was like with The Narcissist! I am actually in a place where I can read this and laugh… because I am so damn happy to be away from this hell. Looks like I am out of chances with The Narcissist… awww shucks!!

So, there are a few lessons to take away from this one readers:

Narcissists love to talk about how great they are, what good people they are, how much they love you, all of the good things they do. Ignore the spew of poop coming out of their mouth and pay attention to their actions… the things they actually do, not the things they saw they do.

Don’t give a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. If they have the chance to be selfish a-holes they will take it and they will not even think twice about it.

If you are going through a divorce with a narcissist, get a lawyer and give them hell. I was nice, I was compassionate, I wanted things to be simple and easy and not hostile… and in the end I got f*cked over and The Narcissist got everything he wanted.

I started out my divorce being extremely nice and naive. All I wanted was custody of my kids. But I can’t play nice anymore because he and his attorney are maliciously lying in court, making all kinds of stories about me. So I’m pulling out all my evidence.