December 2010

April 26, 2009

Could Have, Should Have…EXpress is the stage of EX where you: 1) Obsess about all the things you didn’t say or do in your relationship. It’s a mind numbing cycle of self effacing guilt and sadness. 2) Have an irrational desire to speak to someone, anyone. You want to share your personal tragedy with friends, family, shop-assistants, hairdresser, and complete strangers. You want sympathy, comfort and a shoulder to cry on. 3) Are stuck in a permanent mind loop. Feelings of anger, despair, frustration and pain dominate your life.

Why ME?It’s important to realize you have not been handpicked by some spiteful deity for this painful experience. Change is the only constant. What used to be “until death do us part” is now “until it doesn’t feel good anymore” or “we’ve changed, let’s move on”. No judgment, love is a victim of change, the nature of all that exists. , So count yourself lucky that you’ve been given the opportunity to start over again. My mother found out about my father’s affair at age 48, and died of a broken heart two years later (they called it cancer). She didn’t have the support infrastructure or will to live without him. She died and he lived happily another 25 years with the women of his choice. That to me seems a very sad outcome for a woman who deserved better.

Don’t Call Your Ex!!You’ve spent countless hours analyzing your ex’s shortcomings and you figure it’s time to give him a call and tell him in precise detail how he ruined your life. But STOP, before you pick up the phone, don’t do it! Buy a journal, eat chocolate or buy a small indulgence for yourself - its far less humiliating. He doesn’t want to hear your anger or tears. Even if it makes you feel better, it doesn’t matter anymore. Trust me on this. Most men (and I know there are exceptions) have their own way of dealing with divorce and separation. They compartmentalize, deny and move on. Quickly.

Sherry Halperin: Rescue Me, He's Wearing a Moose HatHalperin goes on 40 dates, which she finds through web sites like match.com, professional services that cost up to $5000, blind dates, singles parties, and more. Each chapter is a short vignette — often funny and poignant, sometimes sad, and always candid — with a humorous caricature of the featured man.

John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting OverThe struggle, as Gray points out in Starting Over, isn't just to find a new partner, but to get over those feelings of abandonment or loss or anger or whatever else gets dredged up by the end of a relationship.

Sharon Webscheider-Cruse: Life After DivorceCreate a New Beginning Afer Divorce. Sharon shows you how to care for yourself through the crisis stage of divorce, welcome new feelings and turn an angry ex into a future friend