Halloween Just Another Day in America’s Hell, More Candy

United States – Following a long month of terrifying news cycles, including the shooting at Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life synagogue, the Pipe Bomb mailer, an investigation into Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s sexual assault allegations, a warning from scientists illustrating the last twelve good years left before the Earth boils, and news of an impending bankruptsy of Sears stores, Halloween is set to be just another Wednesday in American hell.

“What- like I’m supposed to be afraid of witches or zombies right now? Have you seen the national debt?” Kassie, 6, decided against trick or treating this year in order to study the long term environmental impacts of fossil fuel consumption levels in the United States. “My mom told me I could make any costume I wanted for the Halloween parade, but I reminded her that Flint still doesn’t have clean water, and that settled that.”