Life in general

Yes, this IS what you’re thinking it is; an obligatory New Year post talking about resolutions and all that annual bollocks. Sorry about that. Sort of.

Now, Facebook will have us believe that 2016 has been a bad year because a lot of well-known and talented celebrities have died throughout the course of it. This doesn’t constitute a bad year in my books and, without being entirely unsympathetic, people die all the time, famous or not. Bad things have happened each year, we’re just more aware of them because of the 24/7 news and social media cycle we are immersed in. These things do not have the ability to ruin my whole year and undo the personal achievements I and others around me have made.

So, let’s have a quick look back at 2016 – highlights include hubby relaunching his business with vigour and watching him thrive, win awards, do interviews and generally be awesome. Even if that did involve me having to be at the other end of almost nightly conversations about Google search rankings *yawn*.

For me, I am about to run the last leg of my MA in Online Journalism, (which gets a name change in 2017) having restarted in January after a few years off to have the kids. And I’m thankful to my good friend Kate for pushing me back on that track, because I could quite easily have let it go. What the MA has and continues to teach me is that knowledge is power, feeding the mind feels great and working hard (and trust me, it IS hard) to achieve good marks is an unbelievable feeling. When some days I struggle to put contact lenses in, find matching socks and get the kids to nursery on time, knowing I’m working at postgraduate level is both shocking, monumental and addictive. The MA has also motivated me to re-examine my career aspirations and given me the confidence to follow those dreams… so let’s see if 2017 brings them to fruition.

And let’s not forget I have survived another year being mum to Irish twins. At the time of writing this I am the proud owner of TWO three-year-olds (born either end of the same year) and we have all survived the tantrums (theirs and mine), throwing stuff (them and me) and inability to put shoes on quickly (mostly them). They test me every day and make me laugh every day and they’re my proudest achievement to date.

So, looking ahead to 2017, here’s what I’ll be focusing on:

Giving less fucks

My resolution of 2016 was inspired by Sarah Knight’s awesome book which taught me not to give a fuck about everything. If you want the full lowdown, get the book, but in short, not feeling guilty about declining invites, saying no to things and ignoring stuff was truly liberating and freed up a lot of time to focus on the things I enjoy. My resolution also inspired other friends to take the same stance and when you’re a busy parent/employee/boss/wife/athlete/sister/dog walker/creative person it’s absolutely okay not to give a fuck about everything. Sarah Knight also has a new book out about how to get your shit together *adds to Amazon wishlist*

Limiting Facebook time

Did I hear a gasp then? Yes, that’s right… Facebook is great for keeping up with friends I don’t see very often or catching up on a bit of gossip. But it’s also filled with a lot of small-chunking shite. And I don’t have time for it. I should not be a slave to notifications. As thus, I may reduce my Facebook intake slightly and focus on other channels later in the year, like using Instagram to drive traffic to my blog (hmmm, will need to start writing more posts before tackling that one).

Meal planning hell

This is a family related one but I cannot get my head around meal planning and grocery shopping. I can easily implement efficient systems at work and home to get shit done, but the food shop/meal planner thing simply baffles me. Earlier this year I tried meal planning and just found it a huge headache and more expensive than dashing into Aldi and scraping a few things into the trolley. I also want to change up our grocery list a bit instead of getting the same old stuff. If you have any systems that work for you, I would love to hear them.

Graduation

The biggest one for me is to complete the MA. By the middle of May I’ll be all submitted (shit, that means I have A LOT of work to do), should have passed (I won’t hold my breath) a few weeks later and graduate few weeks after that. I literally cannot wait for this. The MA has taught me so much, not just about online journalism, but about me as a person, my capabilities and what I want in the future. I’m also excited because completing the MA will free up a ridiculous amount of time for me to focus on all of the above and new things to boot. This blog, for starters, will get a complete makeover and some regular posts. Bring it on!

Education

The MA is educating my mind, but my body and soul are lacking. The body bit is as simple as eating better, getting some exercise and getting enough sleep. And healthier food shops, better eating habits (which I’ve learned from doing the Clean 9 earlier this year) and going to bed earlier (possibly with some wind down time courtesy of the Headspace app) are all well within my control. I’m not yet sure how I will educate my soul and this will become a focus for me post-May when my MA is complete and I have time and mental capacity to focus on other things. Thoughts welcome – Volunteering? Writing? Mentoring? Watch this space.

Have you made any resolutions?

What are your achievements from 2016 and what are you hoping to achieve in 2017?

Signing up for a Masters degree seems like a strange thing to do to find time for yourself but, for me, getting some much-needed ‘Robyn time’ has been a surprising consequence of studying.

When I started the MA four years ago (pre-children, with a full-time job) I enjoyed study but was resentful of the amount of hours it consumed each week, especially in the run up to an assignment deadline. I was caught in this limbo land of enjoying the topics, the learning and the upskilling, but begrudging the time, the brain strain and the effort required. Alongside the fear of failure, of course.

Now I spin many more plates, I work the equivalent of four days a week, I have two toddlers born 11 months apart (which means more of everything – washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking), have a dog to walk, a netball team to play in and, occasionally, some friends to catch up with. Oh, and I LOVE sleeping. So free time is pretty non-existent.

NB I said more cooking above and this is a blatant lie – hubby is the cook in our family so this is one thing I don’t generally have to do too much of. But I am in charge of the washing machine!

What the hell am I doing?

To remind you all (do you like how I phrased that, to make to make it sound like someone is actually reading this?!) I’m embarking on the second half of the MA in Online Journalism, part-time via online distance learning with Birmingham City University. And hats off to them, for welcoming me back to study (first year completed before I had Child Numero Uno) mid-way through an academic year and extending the limits of flexibility. A week-by-week approach works less well for me (some weeks will be quiet and others manic). BCU handed over a whole module block to me, to work through in 12 weeks in any way I pleased and giving me complete control over which tutorials to do when. And my tutor (the guy who reassures me I’ve got the right end of this online journalism stick) is a call or email away if I need him.

There are lots of positives that come with immersing myself in a world of learning, but the most surprising thing has been that I feel like I’m getting quality me time. The time I spend on tutorials and project work and research is time for me, to get some quality alone time with the Mac or iPad Mini, read some interesting stuff, try some cool things, talk to some inspiring people. It’s all about me, and that feels pretty good – a common side effect of being a busy working mum with hobbies and interests is that time for yourself drops by the wayside.
Here’s why the MA is proving worthwhile:

1) It’s a confidence booster

Just being accepted onto an MA course (I don’t have a degree) was a huge confidence boost and I confess to being hugely nervous about returning to study post-kids, confident in the fact many of my brain cells were thrown out with the placenta during childbirth. That’s two placentas in the space of a year so probably a lot of brain cells. I repeat myself, forget things and talk shit far more than I used to (and that was quite a lot). So being able to grasp concepts, contribute valuable ideas and communicate at MA level does wonders for self-confidence. It’s easy to lose a sense of yourself when you’re a working mum and this claws some of that back. I’m remembering what I like, what I’m good at and that I’m multi-dimensional. I’ve discovered that…

2) I have a brain

I definitely have a brain, although it malfunctions on a regular basis. But my brain is starting to work in a different way, thanks to the MA. I’ve always been good at getting shit done but I’m now asking questions and looking at different ways to approach, organise and do things. I’m becoming more strategic. The way the MA is delivered – online and with a ‘learn by doing’ approach, I’m being forced out of my comfort zone and stretching those brain cells. Don’t get me wrong, my brain is working so hard I probably have some kind of internal bleed, but when you come out the other side of a mental block it’s quite a nice feeling. I am not an academic by any stretch of the imagination but I do have a brain. Which leads nicely into…

3) Impact on work

The MA directly relates to what I do for a living and it’s having an impact on how I conduct myself at work. I have more knowledge stored away and more resources – from contacts to apps to books to technology – to help me. I’m approaching ideas from a journalist’s point of view again and having that external focus really helps when trying to promote an organisation from the inside. On the flip side, work is also helping with the MA. I’m getting to test theories and tools during the working day which contributes to my learning journey without eating into personal time. And…

4) It’s good to talk

I have more to talk about beyond business as usual (work), toddler tantrums and threenagers (home). This latest module on enterprise and innovation is helping me to help my husband, who runs his own web design agency, and we’re swapping advice on entrepreneurship over the dinner table (our dinners on our laps on the sofa). I’m swapping ideas with colleagues about the way we brainstorm content and campaigns, the way we tell stories, the channels we use and confidently doing things that stretch me at work and tick an assignment box at the same time – mobile video interviews and editing, for example, which I’ve been doing for both. Trust me, I like talking brainless shit too but it’s nice to talk semi-intelligently at times too. This also helps build…

5) A growing network of useful contacts

It’s no coincidence that my network of followers on Twitter has grown since jumping back on the MA trail. Not only do I have more to talk about offline, I’m more chatty online too. I have more to say and on a different range of topics including entrepreneurship, digital marketing and small business and this is reflected in my new following. I’m not showing off here, by the way, just pointing out that growing a following organically is a nice consequence of study and learning new shiz. Add all the points above together and this means I am…

6) Making more of my spare time

The spare time I get now is hugely limited and therefore massively valuable. So I make the most of it. When I collapse on the sofa to catch up on The Night Manager or watch a movie with hubby, I know I truly deserve it (I know, a movie night, I’m so rock and roll). I think the more you do things, the less you enjoy them and I was guilty of using up my spare time slumped on the sofa, thinking it was the only way to switch off and relax after a busy day. Now my sofa slumps are rare but utterly earned. So I’m enjoying everything else outside of study a bit more. Don’t get me wrong, my life consists of shifts, juggling acts, running to and fro and my social life has taken a huge hit as study comes first. Me and the hubby are like ships passing in the night but I have a little over a year to go and it’ll be worth it. Family holidays, breaks and date nights in between will be enjoyed all the more during this hectic time. Learning to make the most of your time is, to me, just as important as learning how to critically evaluate a project. And finally…

7) I want to leave a legacy

I’m the first member of my family to enter university-level education. I don’t believe university qualifications are the best route into careers and won’t be pushing my kids towards uni if it’s not for them (I ignored it when I was 18 and it did me no harm), but I’m proud to be doing it now, aged 36. And I feel like I’m setting a good example for my children – that you can achieve things at different times of your life and you can combine work, family and education and survive (I say that, I still have a year to go so will report back then. If you don’t hear from me, maybe I didn’t make it). I literally cannot wait for my graduation, should I be lucky enough to get there. And how awesome is it that my tiddlywinks will be able to be there and be as proud of me as I am of them.

But…

There is a downside though… studying means there is no time for reading for fun so I have a huge backlog of novels to catch up on. And I’m juggling more to do lists than ever before – thankfully, Wunderlist makes this SO much easier.

2016, it’s all about me. Sound a bit selfish? Abso-fucking-lutely. But there’s more to it than that; it’s about looking at things from a different perspective, making the most of the year ahead and doing things that make me happy, and that I enjoy. Not because I feel obliged. Life is too short to make other people happy by making yourself unhappy and I must accept that I can’t do everything.

For me, 2016 is about being honest, liberating myself from the constraints of the ‘must do because you should do’ and being mindful. A happy me, generally, means the people around me are happy too. That all sounds a bit gushy and deep, but I’m keen to tackle this year in a different way; I’m bored with the same old shit approach. So… I’m writing my New Year blog post in February…

This year I’ll say no to the kids if they ask to build a gingerbread house. Here’s why.

1) I’m saying no and I won’t feel bad about it

I’m actually pretty good at this anyway, but this year I’ll be better. No more agreeing to go to works dos/family parties/events if I won’t enjoy them/don’t have time/can’t afford it/or just don’t feel up for it. After reading this Guardian article, it reinforced something I already knew: it’s okay to say no to things and not feel bad about it. I can’t make that leaving do but best of luck in your new venture. I can’t make the family party but send love and hugs to Uncle Bob. I can’t make training tonight but I’ll see you at the game tomorrow. I’m not up for that cinema trip, but maybe next time. And you don’t even need to give a reason, just saying no is fine. I’m saying goodbye to obligation and it feels liberating.

2) Only working for me, myself and I

No more crappy freelance. I’m being harsh here, freelance isn’t crappy but helping other people out leaves no time for me. It means that my notepad full of ideas and personal projects get left right there in the notepad and never put into practice. Whenever I get a surge of motivation I’d think ‘Gah, I don’t have time, I need to finish something for someone else.’ As 2016 is all about me, not taking on anything outside of my day job (apart from point number 4 below) frees up time to focus on these projects. No more displacement activities, or whatever you want to call them, means I can crack on with my ‘me’ projects.

3) Making an effort

Last year was about family really and I think, like a lot of parents, I let a little bit of me go. This year, while time is and always will be an issue, I want to make the effort to wear earrings, paint nails, buy boots with heels instead of flats and trainers, and occasionally pop on some red lipstick (thanks to my Secret Santa!). They’re small things but they make a difference. I’m currently writing this post in knee-high boots… (not JUST boots, you sickos, I’m fully dressed!).

4) Return of the MA
The year I fell pregnant, I was part-way through an MA in Online Journalism with Birmingham City University. I was awarded a scholarship and supported by my employer; opportunities like that don’t come around every day to degree-less, non-academic bods like me.

I decided to interrupt study to enjoy the last months of pregnancy and birth of ‘Bean Child’. And I use the term ‘enjoy’ loosely. I then popped out the Boy Child, endured a period of mania, lack of sleep and resettling into work. Now is my last chance to get on and finish the MA and I’d be an absolute idiot to ditch it now. Hard work is ahead but it’ll be so rewarding and challenging. I know I’ll love it, moan about it, get excited, swear a lot and other contradictions but it has to be done. I work at The Open University and see, firsthand, the amazing educational achievements of our students who complete qualifications while spinning many plates. And I see their proud families, their new careers, their sense of self-achievement and I want me a slice of that. Distance learning makes it possible and BCU have been really accommodating, putting more flex into flexible so I can work at my own pace. When I get my arse in gear, you can read about my progress here.

5) Pass the endorphins
I’ve started running. It should be noted that I am not a runner, and I don’t really like it that much. However, given time and budget constraints lack of time and cold, hard cash (MUST shake off the work jargon!), running can be done anywhere, at anytime and is completely free. I walk the dog every other evening anyway (me and hubby take turns) so I might as well run a bit, even though Ralphie’s not so keen because he likes to stop and sniff. I now say I’m taking him for a drag, not a walk.

Also, and this is important, I’m setting limited expectations (there I go with the work jargon again). What I mean is, just doing it is enough – the time/distance/pace/calorie burn etc doesn’t matter. I’m not working my way up to run 5km and I’m fully accepting of my run/walk/run/walk approach. I can only run in short bursts and that’s okay because it’s better than nothing. And if it gets easier and I can go for longer, great. But if it doesn’t and I can’t then that’s okay too. Secretly, I’m kind of enjoying it. I feel great and smug that I’m excercising beyond my weekly netball match and thanks to my new running trainers (Christmas motivational present from hubby, modelled by Ralphie over here ——->), I’m positively bouncing off those pavements. Well, almost.

6) Recognising those who support me
Being truly selfish requires help. And there are lots of people I could mention, I thank them all, but there’s one who needs naming. Richard Bateman. Our time together has been a whirlwind of romance, marriage, kids and juggling all the things we love to do. And it’s because we’re really good at the sharing, supporting, balancing act of being responsible adults that I’m able to do all of the above as well as raise two children and get to work on time (dressed and washed, too). For me, the juggling of our family life is split between us and I recognise this is not the norm: mums often play the lead role and make more personal sacrifices when it comes to raising a family. We are not traditional in that sense and take an equal role in family, work and social stuff. And it’s not easy. It’s not easy for me that the kids often run to their dad when they’re ill, instead of me, or for him to manage running a business when he’s expected to be flexible. Yay for us!

So, here’s to tackling 2016 in a different way. But I’m not totally selfish… if you’re stuck in a rut, I can offer you this: read Thrive. It’s an eye-opener (how to reprioritise and emasure success in different ways) and this book by Sarah Knight, if for nothing more than the fact is has a swear word in the title.

New Year’s Resolution number one: to blog more. Well, to actually blog at all. Given that much of my husband’s Christmas break was spent firefighting the billion hack attempts on this site, I owe it to him, at least, to put up some content.

I won’t blather on about why the last couple of years have been a bit thin on the blog side (two kids born in 2013!), I’ll just get on with it…

It’s been a while since I blogged, and even longer since I blogged regularly. Somehow, having kids and all that that entails, has seen my writing slip to one side and I fear I’m not as good at it as I once was. I’m out of practice. So, stealing inspiration from this post, here’s one to ease myself back in…

Reading: Well, I’m not actually reading anything at the moment, in anticipation of the publication of The Atlas of Us – tomorrow! It’s author, my good friend Tracy Buchanan, had two dreams: to have a baby and to get a UK publishing deal. Typically, both arrived at the same time but she’s so super talented (and a bit bonkers) that she’s managed to write a book and raise a lovely little girl all at the same time. Hats off to Buchy! The last book I read was The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult and it’s utterly amazing. I urge anyone to read it and not want to change their life for the better afterwards. It’s just fantastic. Continue Reading