Need more time in your life? Feeling overwhelmed by your day job and other "worldly responsibilities?"

Check this out...

In an extraordinary move, destined to be emulated by movers and shakers everywhere, I've just outsourced all my sleep to a guy named Namdev in New Delhi. Yes, it's true. I no longer need to sleep. Namdev does it for me. It's astounding how much more productive I've been this week.

And, as if my sleep breakthrough wasn't enough, I've also outsourced all my exercise to a guy named Sung Lee in Malaysia. God bless Sung Lee! He's been on the treadmill three hours today, as I understand it, and will be working on our delts and pecs tomorrow. Needless to say, I'm feeling exceptionally buff at the moment.

I was just about to have a big piece of cherry cheesecake to celebrate my innovative, time-saving enhancements, but I've... er... outsourced my eating to a woman named Min Yung in Taiwan. I'm down to about 145 pounds, but I'm feeling absolutely psyched about the new contract I just got from GE. Starts next month. Wind generators in Malaysia!

The only thing I haven't outsourced this week is this blog and a visit to my dentist. (Do any of you know someone willing to get a root canal on my behalf?)

PS: While there's nothing inherently wrong with outsourcing (or delegating, for that matter), it's not the heart of the matter. For that, we need to go within.