Calculating the Moby Quotient

BY

December 31, 2007

If you spent your musically developmental and formative years in the basement of a college radio station, you know the satisfaction that comes from championing some unknown alterna-electro funk band from Portland. With this satisfaction comes the devastating emptiness when they inevitably sell their catchy debut single to Mitsubishi for use in a commercial for a sedan with above average gas mileage. The rise of illegal downloading, the shrinking of radio playlists, and the decline in CD sales have forced many artists to "sell out," often in television commercial form, to make ends meet.

The Washington Post recently enlisted an expert in hyperbolic geometry (!?!) to devise a formula that equates the precise degree of sell-out your favorite garage band has committed, bringing new meaning to the subgenre specific term math-rock. The mathematical result is represented by the Greek letter mu, here as "The Moby Quotient," named for the electronic artist that (in)famously sold every single last song on his 1999 album, Play, to varying commercial interests.

Being an expert in both barely relevant indie-rock minutiae and crippling sell-out related heartbreak, I've compiled a list of the most egregious offenders and punched their stats into the sell-out calculator.

Of Montreal for Outback Steakhouse

Song: "Wraith Pinned to the Mist (And Other Games)"
Not only did Of Montreal allow the steakhouse to use the song, they also changed the words from "Let's pretend we don't exist/Let's pretend we're in Antartica" to "Let's go Outback tonight/Life will still be there tomorrow." Nothing says 18 oz. rib eye medium-rare like Indie-pop!!

Mu =114.98

Devo for Dell Computers

Song: "Watch Us Work It"
Certainly tired of being portrayed as a chubby guy in a suit in Apple commercials, PC company Dell has turned to the next logical place "“ satirical social commentary disguised as angular new wave punk. The Devo track "Watch Us Work It" appears here hawking laptops.

Mu = 39.51

Nick Drake for Volkswagen

Song: "Pink Moon"
This Cabrio commercial not only sold lots and lots of cars. In a perfect stroke of synergy, it also sold lots and lots of Nick Drake albums. The relatively obscure English folk songwriter developed an American cult following based on the success of this advertisement featuring his song "Pink Moon". This commercial was also directed by Little Miss Sunshine duo Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Farris.

Mu = 29.46
(let's not be so hard on him, he'd been dead for over 25 years when the commercial aired)

Sting for Jaguar

Frustrated with regularly selling mere millions of albums, former Police frontman Sting granted British luxury carmakers Jaguar the rights to not only his track "Desert Rose" but also himself. Team Sting shot the video for the single with the intent of pitching it to Jaguar as a commercial. It worked, and Sting gave his song and his likeness to Jaguar for free, figuring it to be worth the asking price in free advertising. Ultimately, Brand New Day became Sting's best selling solo record to date.

Mu = 32.48 (plus an additional one million sell-out points for living in a castle"¦literally)

Band of Horses for Ford Edge

Song: "Funeral"
Northwestern indie-rock group Band of Horses appears in this commercial despite the obviously questionable choice of having a song titled "Funeral" to promote your recall-prone Ford brand. The alternative label Sub-Pop, once famous for anti-commercialism, has seen a handful of their roster promoting such products as M&Ms, McDonalds and Walmart recently. Movin' on up!

Mu = 145.61

Mangesh, Jason and Matthew for Enron

Say an editor or two from mental_floss joined an upstart writer like me (I'd play bass) and formed a dance-punk band, promptly selling our first song to Enron. We'd be so indie that nobody would have ever heard of us. Plus, we could quit these boring day jobs and focus on what really matters "“ the music, man.Mu = 170.44

Netflix might know your TV habits better than you do. Recently, the entertainment company's normally tight-lipped number-crunchers looked at user data collected between November 1, 2016 and November 1, 2017 to see which series people were powering through and which ones they were digesting more slowly. By analyzing members’ average daily viewing habits, they were able to determine which programs were more likely to be “binged” (or watched for more than two hours per day) and which were more often “savored” (or watched for less than two hours per day) by viewers.

They found that the highest number of Netflix bingers glutted themselves on the true crime parody American Vandal, followed by the Brazilian sci-fi series 3%, and the drama-mystery 13 Reasons Why. Other shows that had viewers glued to the couch in 2017 included Anne with an E, the Canadian series based on L. M. Montgomery's 1908 novelAnne of Green Gables, and the live-action Archie comics-inspired Riverdale.

In contrast, TV shows that viewers enjoyed more slowly included the Emmy-winning drama The Crown, followed by Big Mouth, Neo Yokio, A Series of Unfortunate Events, GLOW, Friends from College, and Ozark.

There's a dark side to this data, though: While the company isn't around to judge your sweatpants and the chip crumbs stuck to your couch, Netflix is privy to even your most embarrassing viewing habits. The company recently used this info to publicly call out a small group of users who turned their binges into full-fledged benders:

To the 53 people who've watched A Christmas Prince every day for the past 18 days: Who hurt you?

Oh, and if you're the one person in Antarctica binging Shameless, the streaming giant just outed you, too.

Netflix broke down their full findings in the infographic below and, Big Brother vibes aside, the data is pretty fascinating. It even includes survey data on which shows prompted viewers to “Netflix cheat” on their significant others and which shows were enjoyed by the entire family.