Where there's never an unspoken adorable thought.

Don’t Be Such a Boy

One great thing about being born a female is that I learned how much girls suck from a very young age, starting with when I was told not to be “such a girl!” That tone used with the word girl, like it was the worst thing you could be. Later in life I learned that pussy, bitch and cunt were not cat, female dog, vagina, but really bad names for really bad people.

Doesn't Play Like a Boy

Even today, to be good you need to have balls, man up or take it like a man. If you are a loser, you are a faggot, wimp or wuss, which are all essentially female-like. And If you’re in a bad mood, you are obviously on the rag.

I’m not aiming to be the person who asks everyone to drop their use of all these terms. Besides, I know full well that there’s no hope for those guys who drive Lexusi. I just want to supplement our language with some negative masculine equivalents.

So, the next time your co-worker is afraid to do something challenging at work, tell her not to be such a penis. If your friend is nervous, tell him to grow some breasts. If a girl isn’t throwing a baseball well, tell her to stop playing like a boy. If your uncle is devastated by something that seems completely stupid to you, by all means tell him to woman up. And don’t forget to ask guys when they’re being kind of jerky if they have a hard on.

Let’s adjust the male ego a bit and make them feel like crap about themselves for a change. Let’s bring ’em down; treat ’em like the sires they are! (What’s a sire? It’s a male dog used for breeding purposes. SEE! No one’s even heard of it!)

In conclusion I’d like to remind everyone to please continue saying, “don’t be a dick,” when someone is–well, being a dick. That one works just fine.

And in my second conclusion, I’d like to say I don’t hate men. I just think they can be kind of scrotumy.