The 10 Worst BCS Teams in College Football

As the first college football game of 2012 fast approaches, we turned to our gridiron guru Danny Sheridan to name the teams that are in for a disappointing season. Here is Sheridan's take on the teams that will struggle the most this year, plus his odds on who will win the Heisman and who to bet for the college football crown.

No
need for a playoff system for this group. Don’t expect an at-large bid
to The Foreman Forklift Bowl for them, either. These teams will have
plenty of time to study for finals, as their chances of going Bowling
will be over before the leaves change colors.

10.
UCLA – UCLA’s film school has produced several Academy Award-winning
directors. If this year’s class is looking for a senior project, perhaps
they would like to film the sequel to last year’s horror show of a
football program. Once upon a time, the Bruin program was a perennial
Rose Bowl threat as legendary coach Terry Donahue kept the NFL well
stocked with UCLA alumni. Last year, however, UCLA produced a grand
total of zero players drafted by the NFL. New coach Jim L. Mora and
offensive coordinator Noel Mazzone plan to throw the ball a lot. The
only problem is they don’t know who’s going to throw it. Redshirt
freshman Brett Hundley and senior Richard Brehaut are competing for the
opportunity to star in Survivor: Southern California
by escaping behind an offensive line that is made up of more character
actors than leading men. Defensively, the team didn’t add any star
power, giving up over 190 yards-per-game on the ground and 31.4
points-per-game, which puts them 92nd on the NCAA depth chart. It’s a
good thing the Bruins play in the Rose Bowl; that’s the only hope their
fans have of seeing the place for a while.

9.
Kentucky – In the early days of Kentucky football, legendary coach Bear
Bryant left his coaching job with nine years still remaining on his
contract, primarily because he didn’t want his football program to be
overshadowed by the basketball team. Even Tim Donaghy couldn’t predict
the future with that kind of accuracy. While John Calipari brings in a
collection of future pros to take one-year sabbaticals at UK to win
national basketball championships, the football team remains like a New
York City construction site: a work in progress with no apparent
completion date. Senior quarterback Morgan Newton and sophomore
quarterback Maxwell Smith will arm wrestle to see who gets the keys to
drive this lemon of an offense. The Wildcats offense may as well move to
an unmanned drone at quarterback, as it was declared a no-fly zone last
season with the ball in the air for only 135.6 yards per game. A
surprisingly decent defense loses six starters this year, including both
starting cornerbacks to graduation; so expect to see more opposing
thoroughbred receivers off to the races this year. Kent State, Western
Kentucky and tiny Samford should help Kentucky get into the win column,
but UK students are already counting down the days to ESPN’s Midnight
Madness.

8.
Ole Miss – What do you get when you lead your team to a 2-10 record and
one of the worst seasons in school history? The boot! Coach Houston
Nutt’s not-so-rebellious performance led to the hiring of Hugh Freeze,
who brings exactly one year of collegiate head coaching experience at
Arkansas State to the table. With three quarterbacks—Randall Mackey,
Zack Stoudt and Barry Brunetti—returning to share snaps, Mr. Freeze
decided to ice the quarterback controversy by bringing in junior college
newcomer Bo Wallace to run his spread offense. Ole Miss’ run defense
gave up real estate faster than a foreclosed homeowner, yielding 225
yards per game last year, including 26 one-way trips to the backyard.
Highlighting last season’s debacle was losing 27-7 at home to Louisiana
Tech’s WAC-attack, a definite no-no for a SEC team. Central Arkansas,
UTEP and Tulane early in the season should build up the team’s
confidence just in time to have it shattered by a relentless SEC
schedule. If at first you don’t succeed, secede!

7.
Duke – Many parents light candles and pray for their children to
receive a four-year scholarship to Duke. Unless, of course, their
children play football. Duke has had perfect attendance on the 10 Worst
list over the last decade, and they’re sitting in the front row again
with their hand raised this year. Back-to-back 3-9 seasons has ruined
the reputation Coach David Cutcliffe earned at Tennessee and Ole Miss as
a champion recruiter. The Blue Devils bring back seven starters on
offense and nine starters on defense to give the team some continuity—a
continuity of terrible football. Duke likes to throw the ball—they aired
it out almost 500 times last year. Then again, that tends to be the
offensive strategy when you need a lot of points and fast. The good news
is senior quarterback Sean Renfree has shown some accuracy, completing
65 percent of his passes. The bad news is many of those passes are short
of the first-down markers. On defense, the Dookie’s bring back several
players who think a 4.0 is the minimum number of yards a runner should
gain against them. With over 5,000 yards in total offense given up last
year, you can expect to see some smart kids matriculating in their pants
when the other team’s offense is on the field. They may have a
Luck-less Stanford, NC Central and Memphis on the schedule, but even the
eggheads there couldn’t create a schedule weak enough to help this team
find a winning season.

6.
Arizona State – When Arizona State defeated USC and Missouri last
September, the future looked bright. But it was only a desert-induced
hallucination. The Sun Devils would lose six out of their last seven,
including an ass whipping from Boise State. Out goes Dennis Erickson; in
comes Samsonite’s favorite coach Todd Graham, who has packed his bags
and skipped town previously after one-year stints at Rice and
Pittsburgh. Graham has inherited a bone-dry program, starting at
quarterback. Talented quarterback Brock Osweiler left after the 2011
season to carry Peyton Manning’s clipboard in Denver this year. Like a
college student choosing a major, Graham has said he would make up his
mind on who the new quarterback will be in September. Fans will memorize
the numbers of the Arizona State cornerbacks quickly this year, as they
will see their backs frequently as they chase receivers to the end
zone. Northern Arizona and Illinois will help Arizona State get off to a
quick start again this year, but it will be a mirage. Watching this
team will be as exciting and graceful as watching Madonna age.

5.
Maryland – Terrapin fans had high hopes when UConn’s very successful
coach Randy Edsall took over the program in 2011. Unfortunately, they
got an Edsel instead. The team stumbled badly, winning only two games,
including one against tiny Towson State. Edsall’s reign of error
resulted in several players getting kicked off the team, both starting
offensive tackles transferring out of town and starting quarterback
Danny O’Brien graduating in three years, just to get away from his new
coach. O’Brien took his ball and eligibility with him to the University
of Wisconsin. CJ Brown showed some promise on the ground, running the
ball 79 times for 574 yards. But sadly, he’s the quarterback and he only
completed 49 percent of his passes. Maryland takes on a few contenders
for the 10 Worst list this year in Temple and Connecticut. After that,
they may need to road trip to DC to apply for disaster relief.

Photo by Sarina Finkelstein

4.
Minnesota – Golden Gopher fans were optimistic about Coach Jerry Kill
taking over the program. After back-to-back 3-9 seasons, the team is
just thankful for having Indiana to keep them out of the Big Ten’s
unfurnished basement. MarQueis Gray is a big quarterback (6-foot-4, 240
pounds) but his stats are small. Sure, he ran for 966 yards and six
touchdowns. But when he had to actually give the ball to someone else,
they may well have put yellow tape around the scene. Gray threw for only
eight touchdowns and eight interceptions. As a team, the Golden Gophers
completed only 134 passes last year, so you can expect opposing
defenses to bring the party to the line of scrimmage, cause ain’t
nothing going on in the defensive backfield. Opponents had a great time
in Minnesota’s defensive backfield with quarterbacks completing 68
percent of their passes and ball carriers averaging 4.9 yards a carry.
When you look at last year’s highs (wins over Illinois and Iowa) and
lows (losses to New Mexico State and North Dakota), it was a season only
Vegas bookmakers could love. Maybe that’s why the team has a terrible
UNLV on the schedule this year?

3. Indiana – The good news is that the Hoosiers are returning seven offensive starters and eight defensive starters. Like American Idol,
however, the returning talent this season is questionable, if not
downright bad, as last season was the worst in Indiana history. With
only one win against miniscule South Carolina State last year, don’t
expect to see Gene Hackman leading these Hoosiers to a miracle
championship on the big screen any time soon. Indiana’s
equal-opportunity defense did not discriminate, giving up nearly 3,000
yards on the ground and over 2,500 yards in the air. Coach Kevin Wilson
inherited a recruiting mess in his first year as head coach and it will
take some time before he can bring in enough players to make the program
less than average. Indiana starts the season against Indiana State,
UMass and a Ball State team that may have to start 65-year-old alumni
David Letterman at wide receiver. After that, expect more losing than
Michael Jordan at the blackjack table. Look at it this way, Indiana. At
least you’re not Penn State, am I right?

2.
Kansas – From the people who brought you one of the most underwhelming
eras in Notre Dame football history comes your 2012 Kansas Jayhawks!
Turner Gill is out as coach and Charlie Weis is in, which is sort of
like trying to smother a fire with paper and then trying to drown it in
gasoline. Weis brings in two transfer quarterbacks, Dayne Crist from
Notre Dame and Jake Heaps from BYU. Both, like Weis, were once
considered sure-fire NFL stars, but are now on their second schools
battling to accomplish anything. Compared to the defense, the offense
was NFL Films worthy. Kansas was the most promiscuous defense, though,
in college football, as teams scored on them at will to the tune of 44
points per game. Opposing quarterbacks completed 70 percent of their
passes last season, a better rate than most people throwing footballs
through stationary tires at the state fair. Kansas’ athletic director
may have rejoiced when he pushed respected coach Mark Mangino out of
town, but he has a much heavier coach to shove this time around. Rock
chalk, Jayhawk! Bet the opponent!

1.
Colorado – Remember when Colorado was a mighty football program that
threatened to be a championship contender? Neither do we. A program on
its way down when coach Dan Hawkins took over five years ago is even
more toxic now. Colorado alum Jon Embree inherits a program in meltdown
since moving to the PAC-12. He may need to check Craigslist to find some
skill players as his team lost every starter at an offensive skill
position from last year. Even the one promising returning starter, wide
receiver Paul Richardson, blew out his knee in spring practice and will
miss the season. The news isn’t any better on defense, as the Buffaloes
got stampeded for 37 points per game. The plan at cornerback looks to be
to rotate freshmen in there who hopefully won’t get tired chasing
receivers to the end zone. Colorado State, Sacramento State and Fresno
State may allow Colorado to match their three win total last year, but
once they get to the conference schedule, only the Department of the
Interior can save these Buffaloes from getting slaughtered. If the
American Indians were to give Colorado’s opponents an Indian name, it
would be “Dances in End Zone.”

Dishonorable Mention

These are teams that I predict will under perform, and win seven or fewer games this season:Auburn,
California, Georgia Tech, Iowa, Kansas State, Miami, Missouri,
North Carolina State, Penn State, Tennessee, Texas A&M, Virginia
and Washington.

Danny Sheridan is a sports analyst for U.S.A. Today, for which he provides the daily odds on all sporting events for its website. He is also a frequent contributor to Cigar Aficionado. To read his picks for the 2012 NFL Season, see the August issue, on newsstands everywhere.

Excellent analysis Danny! ESPN commentators should take notice. Playing in a BCS conference does NOT make you an elite program.

Ian G. Heller August 15, 2012 9:34pm ET

I have no idea how good Danny Sheridan is as a prognosticator, but he is a brilliant and entertaining writer. What a hoot to read this treat!

Don Miller August 17, 2012 6:07pm ET

List isn't complete without Idaho

Bert GreenJackson, Mississippi 39211, USA, August 22, 2012 2:55pm ET

Why was Ole Miss rated so high? Surely they are worse than Colorado. Hey, they can be first in SOMETHING !

Mike Walker August 30, 2012 6:11pm ET

hahahahaha this is the worst list ever. Here are ten teams worse than all the teams on this list. Wake Forest,Iowa State,Purdue,Temple,Syracuse,Rutgers....ohh wait the whole Big East! Take note. You write for a USA today and they put your acrticles in a cigar magazine you know jack sh*t about college football.

James MooreAugust 30, 2012 9:53pm ET

I feel like an idiot for even responding to this garbage, but Danny Sheridan is a first class moron! His biased ignorance towards Auburn is nauseating and ridiculous. Ole Danny boy is still butt hurt that he couldn't pin anything on Auburn over the whole Newton ordeal. Well, being that the only source that will publish his garbage is a cigar magazine, I think that pretty much speaks for itself. Lol. Dude is a loser and couldn't be any more wrong. Everyone INCLUDING Danny Sheridan knows Auburn will win at least nine games this year. AT LEAST.

Has anyone else noticed how off this analysis was? Apparently UCLA is terrible, and Kansas State is underperforming. Baylor is the only team that can confirm that last part, so don't bother asking anyone else about Kansas State's season so far. If Texas A&M is failing to meet expectations, I'd love to meet the Aggie who thought they'd be two close losses away from the national title picture, and Alabama would not be one of them.

It seems that most of this article was very predictable, and the stuff that wasn't Danny Sheridan got wrong. But alas, not all is lost, Danny boy! Mr. James Moore, who called you a "first class moron" in this very comment section, now must eat his own words, as it would appear Auburn will not finish with the minimum of nine victories he so assuredly promised.