Kenneth Knepper: Antibacterial ointment for computers?

Kenneth Knepper

Monday

Feb 23, 2009 at 12:01 AMFeb 23, 2009 at 11:21 PM

Fumbling through an array of colorful icons on my new computer screen, I tried finding a button that would allow me to print a test document. I was working with a computer my wife and I purchased hours before when suddenly I realized I liked my old one even more.

Fumbling through an array of colorful icons on my new computer screen, I tried finding a button that would allow me to print a test document.

I was working with a computer my wife and I purchased hours before when suddenly I realized I liked my old one even more. The old model contained an icon with a little picture of a printer on it, unlike the new one, which seemed to have no similar functions anywhere on its vast screen.

It’s too bad the old computer could not be repaired by a service technician, I thought, as I opened each setting.

Hours earlier, I received a crash course in the finer qualities of computer components and their uses at an area computer store.

Sure, I could have researched the features of Windows Vista before diving into ownership, but I’ve learned through the years people who speak in techie-talk usually lose me shortly after a salutation.

Still, I was surprised by the upgrade the sales people said I needed, just to download an occasional photo or video clip. I remembered the old computer seemed to handle the tasks without once catching fire or making strange, screeching noises as it prepared to explode.

The sales person seemed to imply I was lucky, however.

He explained memory was a key to my computer’s abilities.

“You’ll need plenty of storage, also,” he said.

Honestly, to me, a terabyte meant no more than a pterodactyl. In addition, for all I knew they were distant cousins.

While I never considered myself computer-savvy, I felt I had a pretty good grip for the needs of our family before going in for a new unit.

I even outlined them on a piece of paper: a larger hard drive, plenty of RAM, a larger screen and enough USB ports to plug in a variety of accessories I already owned.

However, moments into the conversation, I found my old accessories might make good weights for a trotline. Therefore, I acknowledged my technology gap and listened intently.

“You’ll want plenty of dedicated RAM,” he told us as we considered a couple of models.

“I can tell you have a good understanding of computers, so I don’t want to put you in anything that isn’t going to meet your needs,” he said, looking at me.

For an instant, I thought I had somehow managed to speak in computer jargon — obviously impressing the sales person. Either way, I could tell my wife was impressed. But moments later, when he had to explain a terabyte was not something from the Mesozoic era, I lost my edge.

It’s actually equivalent to 1,024 gigabytes. Those are derived from megabytes, which come from kilobytes.

So on and so on.

While I didn’t feel any better about purchasing one or more of them, I learned some new words — something I might want to use in conversation, sometime.