ForMomsOnly Community Group

ForMomsOnly is a group of adult women who are "grieving forward" despite the loss of our children. We are dedicated and committed to continuing our personal journey of discovery and change for ourselves in order to live more fully. We will support other grieving mothers and we wish to spread hope and healing through information, experience and kindness.

What do you do with holidays?

Holidays were always a great source of joy for our family, especially Corrie. She loved Halloween (always dressed as Tinkerbell or a Pixie), Thanksgiving (a vegetarian she ate lots and lots of pumpkin pie) and Christmas (piles and piles of presents under the tree and lots of silly stuff in stockings for everyone in the family). We're going to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and mother (who also need TLC this year) so that will be a blessing for all of us. We were thinking about a vacation as a break from our usual at-home extravaganza for Christmas but perhaps we should do what Corrie loved so much. Thanks for your input ~ Debbie

I don&#039;t know what the answer is to this i am afraid. I am battling with this myself at the moment as it is the first christmas without Cheryl. (She was 22) She sounds just like Corrie. She was a big kid at heart and threw herself into things like christmas. It is no point pretending. You are all going to miss her. I am planning on changing our routine this christmas, maybe inviting more people so that it is different but still celebrated. It will be easier next year. We just need to get through this one as best we can accepting we are all going to have our moments. Let&#039;s remember our daughters, light candles, drink a toast to the lives and the love and happiness they bought us.

My son Tony loved Halloween. Now that he is gone I do not give it a second thought.

My second husband died a few days before Thanksgiving. When Tony was alive we started thinking of Thanksgiving as &quot;dead bird day&quot; nothing more nothing less. By renaming the day it made it easier to ignore. We chose not celebrate dead bird day.

Since Tony is gone. Christmas like all the other holidays I don&#039;t bother with anymore. There is no need....holidays are for kids and families. I have neither. It is easier emotionally and financially to let them pass like just another day.

Last year (my first without Jenn) I ended up cooking Thanksgiving dinner and had my other daughter join us. Before that we had gone to Jenn&#039;s inlaws for dinner and I could not face that.
Last Christmas I could not celebrate, I did not decorate only put a wreath on the door.
Christmas we were invited down to their home for dinner and we went. I ended up breaking down and sobbing and sobbing... really was a downer for all.
The kids gave me a present. I know that Jenn had bought it before she died. I still have not opened it.
I think Kate&#039;s family and I are going to my sisters this thanksgiving... not that big a day for me
I am dreading Christmas again this year.
MaryLou

for years we had celebrated Christmas morning at our house wih lots of presents and Ian always in the same chair and the 3 of us taking turns open our gifts. That 1st Christmas with no Ian I knew I could not spend Christmas in that livingroom. We did put a tree up in the livingroom but with all different ornaments and a big section of the tree decorated with bluebirds and ornaments that were given to me by friends in rememberance of Ian. We took one string of lights and put them on the wall in the back portion of our house in the shape of a tree. My husband and I sat on the floor and cried and opened our gifts. The money that we would have spent on Ian we divided between our nieces and nephews and sent them each a check. By doing that we felt like we were at least doing something good. As in the past we went to my sisters for brunch which was hard on not just me but all the rest of my family as well. My grown step son did surprise us with a visit that morning and that meant an awful lot since he has his own family and also lives a drive away.
Please do whatever you have to do to get through the holidays. Remember to go and light a candle on Compassionate Friends Sunday.
I know this first holiday season comes with much fear, you can do it. Do it for other family members, for yourself, for Corrie, yes it will be way different but it doesn&#039;t have to be all bad. And remember........This too shall pass!!! Hugs, Nadine

This will be my 1st Christmas since the accident. Matt and I cannot stand to be home, we are going on a road trip. Last Christmas was one of the best Christmas&#039; ever and the memory is bittersweet.

I lost Nigel in January of this year&acirc;&brvbar;.so this will be the first season of holidays without his infectious smile and practical jokes&acirc;&brvbar;..he was also the master cook of the Thanksgiving turkey. I want to celebrate the holidays as if he was still with us&acirc;&brvbar;(of course, he will always be with us in spirit.) His 35th birthday was last Sunday and we celebrated it as a family&acirc;&brvbar;with a cake for Nigel (candles and all..blown out by his nieces) and a toast to his spirit, soul and heart and our special memories of him. I don&acirc;t think anyone can do a turkey like Nigel so that will be difficult but we most definitely will honor him with a seat at the table. Our family lives way out in the country in Vermont&acirc;&brvbar;..quite far from any other houses. Nigel&acirc;s special Christmas treat for the family was to bring fireworks and we would all go out on the front porch of his father&acirc;s house and Nigel would go in the field of snow and shoot off the most beautiful fire works. I&acirc;d like to continue that tradition and in memory of Nigel, celebrate Christmas eve the same way. I know it could never be the same without him there but, to me, it&acirc;s a way of keeping him alive and with us. If it is too painful, then I won&acirc;t do it next holiday season but I have to do it this year. I think that each family needs to find their own way of getting through holidays. Bless all the FMO families during this difficult time of year.

I will be spending my holidays surrounded by friends and family. I can not be at home alone as much as I would love to relive Christmas and Thanksgiving with my son Evan. Holidays are very lonely when alone. I hope all of you can find someway to surround yourselves with people or places that feed your soul. I plan to cry alot and laugh alot. Prayers for strength to all of you.

Each year gets a little easier, or tolerable I guess. This will be my 5th year without my son for the holidays. His birthday is Dec 24th, so we have set a tradition of getting a bunch of balloons and writing on them Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, Miss you, etc and releasing them and watching them until we can no longer see them. I do put up a tree and have family over, we always had a birthday cake for him on Christmas Eve and we still do that.

You know what I am going to do? I am going to deck the halls and make this Christmas extra special. Matt would be so dissapointed with me if I ruined the Holidays for his babies and neices and nephews. Matt loved Christmas. Why short change him? I know he will be right here in this room with us chuckling and smiling while the kids all open presents and laugh. Will it be hard? Yes. But everyday of my life is hard now. Why let everybody down. Someone told me once it is all about attitude. It isn&#039;t grief is in control. We can&#039;t turn it on and off. It attacks from a dark hole in our hearts like a monster who lurks. The more you love the meaner the monster. But I am not running from it. Christmas will be grand this year!!~Love to you all!! Julie

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...

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