c'mon now

Super PAC Turns Some Dude Who Didn’t Campaign Into Winner, For Laughs

The Democratic primary result in Ohio’s 2nd District this week presents us with another fine case study in how the federal campaign finance code, post-Citizens United, is now just a scribbled one-line note reading “just do whatver who cares haw haw.” The winner was William R. Smith, who narrowly defeated a candidate, David Krikorian, who’d run twice before. The thing about Smith: no one knows who he is or has ever seen him, and he didn’t spent any time or money campaigning. Sounds like we’ve got another Alvin Greene to play with, people. Except Smith has a SuperPAC, about which there is no public information, spending all the money and campaigning for him! Isn’t that so charitable of them? It’s like one of those many hundred neo-feudalistic reality shows nowadays where the rich people throw a few bucks at one poor family and declare themselves heroes, but with more democracy-destruction and no heroes.

Smith is apparently a 61-year-old trucker who refused to interact with the media in any way during his non-campaign, clearing the way for some unregistered SuperPAC to make up stories on his behalf and trick stupid people into voting for him, the only remaining path to success in American politics. From Cincinnati.com:

Smith spent no money on the race, nor did he appear to do any real campaigning. But someone weighed in on his behalf—a group calling itself the “Victory Ohio Super PAC.”

That group—which has not registered with the Federal Elections Commission—apparently made “robo-calls” to some voters in the districts touting Smith as the “real Democrat” in the race.

In the call, which does not mention Krikorian by name, a woman’s voice says this:

“William Smith has an opponent that describes himself as a Reagan conservative. William Smith’s opponent was already sanctioned by the Ohio Elections Commission for not telling the truth. Please don’t make a mistake and embarrass the party. Vote for William Smith, the real Democrat for Congress. This has been paid for by the Victory Ohio Super PAC.”

Your Wonkette is going to dig into this a little bit, do a lil’ journalism, instead of just speculating on the circumstantial evidence, so give us a moment here. [Watches cat videos for 30 seconds]. We have determined this is obviously Republicans fucking with a Democratic primary.

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

Yeah I was just thinking about that… I meant like the county party would come up with the plan then go get money from the national party… but i will just delete that descriptor because Someone Complained so it was bad, thank you.

BaldarTFlagass

"but i will just delete that descriptor because Someone Complained so it was bad, thank you. "

Into naked people having sexytime? I do a great deal of research in that arena, but most of my findings are preliminary, so I can't go into any major detail at this point in time.

memzilla

Please also note that the Federal Elections Commission is constituted by law as 3 Rethuglicans and 3 Democrats, guaranteeing perpetual gridlock, which is only OK if you're talking about bathhouses or Plato's Retreat in the 1970s.

nounverb911

I smell Jim DeMint's smelly fingers in this.

widestanceromance

And I bet it is not minty fresh.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

It is at times like this I am so glad that corporations are people too.

The best things that could come out the Citizens United decision is that the Republiklans get caught in some voter fraud scandal so heinous that Congress is forced to pass a law outlawing these Super PACS, and the Supreme Court takes a collective shot to the jimmy for ruling that corporations have the same free speech rights as human beings.

He was a quiet man. Neighbors said he mostly kept to himself but always had a kind word if you ran into him. No one knew he kept a blood-soaked chainsaw as a memento

Guppy

How about forty fakirs?

BerkeleyBear

Can I just start running anonymous candidates funded by anonymous corporate donations to mess with my enemies? Because that sounds cool.

Biel_ze_Bubba

If we could fill Congress with anonymous unknown nobodies, we'd probably be a hell of a lot better off. This needs serious consideration.

HistoriCat

Considering how awful Congress is, maybe we should consider like jury service – you just wait until you get that notice in the mail.

"Damn it – I'm off to Washington. I'll see you guys in a couple years."

pinkocommi

In US politics, may the richest candidate win!

Biel_ze_Bubba

Because the richest one gets the most free speech.

Hmmm…. I wonder why they call it "free".

hagajim

He refused to interact with the media in any way….then why didn't the media do the job they were paid to do and find out something about this dillhole….and more importantly, I didn't think CU ruling allowed for fraud….but maybe I'm old fashioned. Meh, Ohio gets what it gets, just another example of how stupid 'Merikans are, fuck em.

Hell, Sarah Palin's been running a whole "I might run for President" campaign for the last four years and managed to feed her and her brood and travel around the world.
Stupid me, I just keep going to my office job every day.

Lucidamente1

First Joe the Plumber, now this. Ohio, are you trying to be the new Florida?

After reading about this Krikorian guy, I think it's the Democratic party fucking with his dumb ass…not the Republicans.

orygoon

Ohio is one of those places where a lot of people live and nobody can explain it.

elviouslyqueer

Sort of like Mississippi. Well, except for that whole "a lot of people" thing.

sati_demise

Farmers markets. really, its the fuckin' summer tomatoes

ThundercatHo

Do you live anywhere near or have first-hand knowledge of Tillamook? It's one of the places I might want to live when we leave Ohio for the third time. I visited there about 23 yrs ago when I lived in Portland and seem to remember it was awesome.

orygoon

I live in the Valley and personally probably couldn't take living at the coast. I had a co-worker who used to be the head of the community college in Newport, and he said it was windy all the time. Combine that with the cold and the rain–significantly more than we get–and you have to be hardy and comfortable with gray skies and being wet–probably would help if you were a seal or seagull. Thought about Bend? They overbuilt during the boom and have had a housing price dip more than other places here, and it's gorgeous. If I had bucks, I'd buy loads of property there because it will recover and handsomely. Also, sunshine. I'd move over there, but heck, I have a house and two p/t jobs, so it doesn't happen.

ThundercatHo

Thanks for the info. I went on the Bend COC website last night to start my research. Starting to plan our summer vacation to the Pacific NW. We were originally going to do some riding in Wyoming and then visit family in SLC but don't think I could stomach that place this year.

orygoon

If you're anywhere near Bend, go to the Newberry Crater National Monument. Crater Lake is undeniably gorgeous but Newberry is the most overlooked place to camp-n-stuff in Oregon, with many advantages over Crater Lake.

OneYieldRegular

In their defense, the people behind this argued that they had no choice, since there were pesky laws that prevented them from threatening voters and beating them up when they approached the polls.

Generation[redacted]

Yep, there's definitely too much government intervention in our lives.

Your Wonkette is going to dig into this a little bit, do a lil’ journalism, instead of just speculating on the circumstantial evidence, so give us a moment here. [Watches cat videos for 30 seconds]. We have determined this is obviously Republicans fucking with a Democratic primary.

Oh thank God, you really had me worried there.

It's one thing for Becca to ask us to dial down the violence and kid-slander, but if Wonkete started actually doing research on things instead of speculating based on circumstantial evidence, that would really be the final fucking straw.

Blendergoathead

Exactly. And this just has to be a vicious, incredibly-engineered, super-braniac GOP trick, b/c otherwise, the democratic voters in this district who fell for it would have to be total reta…

crap.

mormos

The William Smith is a lie

mormos

Somebody turn off the Benny Hill music please!

CessnaDriver

Will(iam) Smith.

Really?

I think someone's being a bit gullible here….

Antispandex

" Sounds like we’ve got another Alvin Greene to play with, people. "

Hey. What's wrong with that? I love that guy's music. "Tired of being alone", is one of my favorites…..Oh, wait, that was ALBERT Greene……never mind.

I_P

The Unknown Comic is running for Congress? Go figure…

anniegetyerfun

I pray that this is what Colbert has been up to with all that SuperPAC money. Or, Stewart. Whoever is running that thing now.

PuglyDoRight

This is my district…we have no fucking idea who this guy is. Reminds me of the almost-homeless man who won his district in SC. Krikorian not someone I can get excited about, and whoever wins the recount will have to go against a Teabagger who was an army surgeon at Abu Garaib (sp?). Bet he has a few secrets, eh?

It looks like Smith is a real Democrat from another part of the state – Stark County.

U.S. House reps don't have to live in the districts they represent.

C_R_Eature

Hey, at least Ohio's got the town of Hinckley, where every year on March 15th the town is overrun with thousands of enormous dark carrion birds, crouching in the trees or spinning over the streets watching and waiting for something, or someone to die.
HInckley celebrates this, with a party called "Buzzardfest". You have to like this.

OzoneTom

I guess that I am the only one who thought of Simone (S1mOne)? Was Viktor Taransky in the area?

James Michael Curley

When he filed out his primary candidacy petition he put down his mother's address and phone number.

Slim_Pickins

I guess my James Thurber quote was premature, to reiterate, "You can fool to many of the people too much of the time."

Generation[redacted]

Victory Ohio Super PAC was a classic arena rock band in the '70s, but they don't have much relevance now.