Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Game Stalker

"I think every woman who sends these to you realizes how stupid they were and, hopefully, learns from their mistakes." - Nicole

Nicole acknowledges right off the bat that most people might consider her a "bit of a nerd".

Rather than spending her evenings drinking herself comatose at nightclubs or rotting away her cerebral cortex in front of network television programming, Nicole admits she fell in love with the online gaming community at a rather young age.

While Nicole feels online gaming established her presence in the nerd community, her participation in LARPing events cemented it.

LARP stands for Live Action Role Play, and describes an event where online gaming enthusiasts congregate in a remote forest to dress up in elaborate period costumes and re-enact their most recent online battles. If you're looking for people who utilize wizardry and swordplay, LARPing events are fantastic. If you're looking for people who utilize deodorant and condoms, try Rite-Aid.

Nicole met a nice young man named Brian at one of these LARPing events two years ago. Nicole knew Brian from high school, and always thought he had been a pretty cool guy. Brian had a very charming sense of humor, and they shared quite a few similar interests aside from LARPing and online gaming.

Needless to say, they soon found themselves playing with each other's joysticks. Nicole and Brian began dating, and all seemed blissful in the real world.

At least for a minute or two.

Brian's personality suddenly began to change right after they committed to one another. Brian began showing little signs of a "controlling" personality. He would frequently "break up" with Nicole when he didn't get his way, but would always call her two days later blubbering like baby because he missed her so much.

Nicole was lonely so she proceeded cautiously, realizing Brian's caustic behavior and lack of employment could possibly indicate a sign of bad things to come.

Meanwhile, the rest of Nicole's personal life fell apart. The last of her old high school friends had finally left town, and she was living at home while ensconced in a very tumultuous relationship with her mother. Nicole was anxious to leave town as well, until Nicole's father suddenly passed away.

At his point, Nicole felt Brian was the only "rock" she had left in her life. When Nicole received an unexpected inheritance from her father, the unemployed Brian suddenly came up with a brilliant idea to help Nicole get away from her mother.

Nicole should use the inheritance money to pay for an apartment for her and Brian!

That way Nicole could get away from her mother, and Brian would have a place to, you know, like, live and stuff.

Great idea, Brian.

Glad you thought of it.

You ass.

Nicole was hesitant to move in with the possessive Brian, but at the time she felt she had very few other options. She had no friends left in town, no family to turn to, and a job she wanted to keep. She finally agreed to sign a lease for a new apartment, on the condition that Brian get a job. Brian agreed, and Nicole was relieved.

Then, in a completely shocking turn of events, Brian didn't get a job.

He looked everywhere for work, including the bottom of beer cans, the inside of empty potato chip packages, and the interior of Nicole's reproductive system, which soon banned him from the premises.

But it's not like Brian didn't do anything. In fact, he kept himself quite busy.

He spent countless hours reminding Nicole of her faults, insulting her hobbies, and following her around the apartment to remind her just how lucky she was to have Brian in her life.

Nicole felt trapped in her own apartment. When she tried to break up with Brian, Brian would scream at her and refuse to leave her side until she relented and agreed to stay with him. If she tried to leave the apartment, Brian would follow her outside and stand in front of her car.

Two words, Nicole: Gas pedal.

Despite Nicole paying all the rent and all the bills, Brian then informed Nicole that his old friend John would be coming to live in the apartment for a month. Nicole bit her tongue, but I tell you, she was absolutely furious!

Until of course the very handsome John showed up, at which point she released her tongue, which proceeded to roll down the front steps and into the driveway, revealing the words "Welcome John!"

John was in the Navy and stationed in Hawaii, but had decided to come home to Illinois on his month off to catch up with friends. He was extremely attractive, intelligent, funny and very successful. And unlike Brian, John took a sincere interest in Nicole's hobbies.

Brian finally did get a job, so John would drop Brian off at work in the morning and spend the day with Nicole. He took her to the park and to the zoo, and they spent countless hours talking about the things Nicole enjoyed talking about. He was kind, supportive and understanding, and even helped Nicole run her errands, something Brian never did.

It didn't take too long for Brian to smell something foul, and this time it wasn't his boxers.

Suspecting something was up, Brian told John to find a hotel. But Nicole had noticed something interesting about Brian and John. Namely, Brian felt threatened by John, and would never stand up to him. So when Brian threw John out of the house, Nicole left with John. Touche!

At the hotel, Nicole confessed to John that she needed help getting away from Brian. John agreed to help, and stood by Nicole as she called Brian and dumped his bitch ass over the phone. Brian threatened Nicole, so Nicole had a police escort meet her at her apartment to gather her things.

John eventually left, and Brian had his ass thrown into the street.

With John gone, Brian began to up the ante. Now out on his own, he continually harassed Nicole with texts and phone phone calls asking her if they could just "be friends." Nicole relented a few times, but Brian would immediately begin insulting her and telling her how worthless she was.

Nicole eventually cut off all contact, which, as we all know here at PLFM, is just throwing fuel on the fire. Brian began showing up at Nicole's home and her job, and soon enough Nicole had to be escorted to her car every night after work.

Meanwhile, John confessed his feelings for Nicole and bought her a plane ticket to fly up to Seattle to meet him for her birthday. Nicole couldn't have been happier, until Brian hacked her email account and found out about their little rendezvous.

Suddenly, all her online accounts disappeared. Her MySpace, her World of Warcraft and her blogs all mysteriously vanished. On the morning of her flight to Seattle, she came out to find the tires on her car flattened.

Nicole made her flight to Seattle, where she spent several blissful days with John. Blissful only because they both had turned their phones off, which rang continuously for the entire duration of their trip with calls and texts from Brian.

Once home, Nicole found an email in her inbox from Brian. Remember, at this point, neither John nor Nicole want anything to do with Brian at all.

For 72 hours I sat and waited hoping to talk to you both about our future.

168 hours I waited and avoided calling...giving proof this wasn’t an attention issue. And For 72 hours since that point I have tried nothing but to simply discuss our futures with you both.

I’m through trying to address this and be patient for a bunch of lying cowards. Ask yourselves what are you afraid of?

John, you always wanted any girl my dick got hard near. And Nicole I knew from day one I wouldn’t be able to keep you with so many ‘friends’ who were boys. In reality the only reason I became your boyfriend is cause I could touch you.

You both are pretty fucked in the heads either mentally, socially or even spiritually. This stupid childish game you were playing with me is over. Your entire relationship is based on a physical desire and ease of money. (Ed note: God Forbid!)

So I’m going to laugh in a few years when I hear about or run into one of you two knowing what the future already plans for you. Neither one of you are going to have any friends besides one another … and that is all it will take to know this will crumble to ash.

So by all means continue your little game, you won’t hear me call even one more single time not even in an emergency not even in a crisis. Nor will I answer you calls. Your both heartless, soulless people and in the end you brought this on yourselves. Well sucks to be you guys...

Goodbye and good riddance.

Good luck in life, though I seriously hope you both crash, burn, fail and never recover.

A barrage of texts and phone calls from Brian ensued as soon as Nicole got home.

Nicole went to the courthouse and requested an immediate restraining order against Brian.

Nicole went in front of the judge two weeks later with Brian to extend the restraining order, lugging with her a mountain of evidence against Brian. Brian was "the hapless victim," he told the judge.

Nicole:

He hacked my email accounts.

Brian:

No, I didn't!

Which, fortunately, kind of contradicted the email Brian had sent Nicole:

I am sorry to hack your accounts but the subject matter there was totally inappropriate.

What part of John's pictures in your Myspace do you think harmless? Maybe the post where you thought i drained your tire (I didn't by the way) Or maybe John's discussion (again in public) about how he wasn't regretting a thing?

In essence the only way to understand you since you returned was to look at those blogs and pictures... I would of waited longer for certain and swallowed my pride for a 3rd time till i saw those. It might not of been fair to you but it was fair to us (you & me). At least everything you lost is recoverable, I can't say the same myself.

The point of your blogs was to vent about me and like always keeping private matters public with your friends. So I just returned that tactic with our friends and gave them my story.

I really wished you both had been mature enough to see what your actions were doing to the entire circle of friends we had. I wish even now I could 'hate' you both for what you did instead I have to give you the reasons to hate 'me'. which is close enough I guess.

Oh, and just so you know... I did cry even hacking your account. I know you want to be loved for who you are, but Nicole; theirs so much more to yourself you could improve and be that much of a better 'you' for it.

Boy, did the judge enjoy that irony!

First Brian says he didn't hack into her accounts, then Nicole produces an email where Brian apologizes for ... hacking into her accounts. Why, it was almost like Brian was lying to the judge or something.

The judge was so amused, he slapped a one year restraining order on Brian's ass and warned him under no uncertain terms that if he ever contacted Nicole again, he would go directly to jail.

Thank God, this case is finally over.

Oh, sorry.

This case isn't over.

Brian began harassing Nicole online through World of Warcraft events. He would create different online screen names and pour his heart out to Nicole, begging to have her come back. Nicole called the police, who came to her home and explained that they couldn't prove it was actually Brian making contact with Nicole through the computer.

But they could prove it was Brian if Brian had done something as stupid as call Nicole on her cellphone. And, as if on cue, Brian called her cellphone. The police officer answered the phone and Brian hung up. After the police officer left, Brian called Nicole's cellphone again, and left a message asking Nicole if she had seen his messages online.

Nicole turned the message over to her local police department, but for whatever reason, the police didn't act on Brian's violation of the restraining order.

Which brings us full circle to the present, where we find John and Nicole living happily together in Hawaii.

But Brian is not through with either of them.

He continues to harass Nicole online, whilst simultaneously sending letters of "apology" to John, in which he asks John to speak to Nicole for him.

Brian is also leaving voicemails on Nicole's cellphone in Hawaii.

And just so you know, Brian, recordings of those messages are currently on the way to the police station in your hometown.

I do think crazoids like him are attracted to on-line sim lives and LARP, because they can't seem to live in the real world. They obviously have no social skills, as evidenced by Brian's warped sense of entitlement.

I have a nephew just like him unfortunately, except that Joe actually has a job. Not a GOOD job, but a job.

He was living with my parents for free, until all of us siblings (less his father, who also lives with our 'rents) got together and booted him out.

My parents are too damned old and poor to let someone mooch off them, especially someone who denigrated them every chance he got to his on-line friends. Gah, I can feel my blood pressure rising, just thinking about that asshat loser!

So now he lives in some nasty, dirty, fleabag apartment with a couple of other losers he met on-line, with very little furniture but of COURSE top of the line computers. Bleh....

Any time he's not actually out in the REAL world working, he's on that damned computer playing those sim games.

I fully expect to hear that someday he's taken an axe to his roommates, and then his coworkers because something's eventually going to set him off.

I'm just glad I live far, far away from him, because I know he has a tremendous grudge against me as well as my other siblings. We took away his gravy train, and that's just WRONG! Boo fuckin' hoo, Joe!

"He looked everywhere for work, including the bottom of beer cans, the inside of empty potato chip packages, and the interior of Nicole's reproductive system, which soon banned him from the premises."

That is a BEAUTIFUL snippet of prose.

Do women approach online communities as just another way of keeping up with their social circle, and men because... that IS their "social" circle? Are women better at separating "play" stuff like the whole LARP thing from real life?

Anyway, "just being friends" after a breakup is NOT a good idea, in my experience. Just close that chapter, be polite at parties, but... ex-boyfriends do NOT make good BFFs.

I REPEAT: CUT HIM OFF. Even if he's normal, it's just not a good idea to be all nicey nice "we're just friends." A lot of NORMAL guys get confused by that. And "buuuuut we're different!!!!!!!" doesn't cut the mustard, gals. That's so 15.

Nicole totally did the right thing by getting the law involved. I still blame Hollywood for helping perpetuate stupid myths. I think that all those movies are written by guys who got dumped at some point, and fantasize about getting Her back. Because, geez, if Loser Jobless Crazy Dude on screen can get the girl, then surely *any* guy can score.

Yikes. Brian is... special. I'm actually kind of waiting for him to show up here and defend himself - if he can even recognize his own actions as told by someone other than himself.

I was glad to hear about the judge and police taking his threat against Nicole seriously, though. I've heard too many stories in which the police didn't take the crazy ex seriously (especially in regards to anything that occurs on the internet). So kudos to the local law enforcement.

Cattyplex said: "Even if he's normal, it's just not a good idea to be all nicey nice "we're just friends." A lot of NORMAL guys get confused by that. And "buuuuut we're different!!!!!!!" doesn't cut the mustard, gals. That's so 15."

True and not true. After a year of dating and almost a year of no contact at all, my ex and I were able to strike up a friendship (through emails and the occasional phone call or text message) that lasted 5 years... until we got back together (we're still together). However, I realize that our story isn't exactly the norm (we also joke that there's still time for one of us to go batshit crazy).

Holy cats, this was one of the best yet. I'm glad Nicole is safe and happy in Hawaii.

It sucks when you meet an ass like this when you're at your lowest. I've been there, and it's so hard to see a lot of the red flags when you're down. I swear some of these guys have radar that tells them "she's having a rough go of it right now, why don't you ooze in there and really fuck with her?"

I'm a LARPer and an online gamer, and I've always felt a bit strange because everyone else seems to take it waaaaaaay more seriously than I do. I think it's just a game, but everyone else talks about it 24/7 and wants to live it and are always going off on whatever happens while actually in the game, and I'm talking males -and- females.

I'm glad Nicole got away from Brian and is happily living with her navy boy <3

"Nicole, I'm happy for you that you finally were able to achieve escape velocity." Wow! What a great way to say it!!

Gotta get over the relationship inertia - compounded by the fatal Lease Lock.

I must back up and say that I do have friendly relations with some exes, but I was over 22 when I dated them (big factor), and we didn't immediately try the "friend" thing right after the breakup.

I just see so many young women trying to be all nice & supportive of their devastated exes by being "friends," which means something totally different to the devastated ex - especially when they're - ah - young. Young people in general seem to have this worldview that everything can be tidily worked out, and that everyone's operating in good faith, so long as you explain everything properly. Remember when Antioch College tried to make Sexual Consent Forms as a way to combat date rape?

*sigh*

True maturity comes when you realize that the world is messy, and that sometimes there is NO good solution that will satisfy everybody, but you somehow manage to balance sanity and realism. And, hey kids, it's NOT "selling out."

This one is epic, Weas. He hacks her accounts because her content is "inappropriate?" He contacts John and wants John to pass messages to Nicole. WTF? This guy is an extra layer of crazy.Glad you got far away from him, Nicole!

The fact that he latched on to her after she got an inheritance is classic loser behavior. When my dad died, I was fortunate enough to be in a LTR with a good guy, but my sister has to keep her money secret. It isn't even that much, but somehow these guys know. She even had to file an eviction notice to get one of these guys out of her house.

And losers never admit they have anything to do with the problems they have. It's always someone else's fault. Even though Nicole was a little cold for dating Brian's friend and then breaking up with Brian over the phone with John there, it was understandable under the circumstances, and Brian will never admit that he had any responsibility.

I'm sorry to hear that Nicole is still getting harassed. That must be so stressful.

I actually met my boyfriend on Second Life. I'd just graduated college and was trying to find a job (unsuccessfully for a couple months) and I'd heard about Second Life and so spent most of my unemployed days on it. It's taken 2 years to get to this point, but I was cautious as hell with him!

Another here who has ex-BFs as friends; in fact, I would go so far as to call one of them my BEST friend (outside of my marriage). It wasn't working for him, he knew it, I knew it, yeah it sucked, but it had to be done. We gave it 4 or 5 months of no contact at all, then it just seemed natural to hang out together. It wasn't a "friends with benefits" thing either. My now-husband roomed with him for a bit, in fact, and they get on quite well.

The difference between MY ex and Brian is that my ex was properly socialized as a kid, recognized that I was a person of worth and value, and that my feelings and opinions mattered.

I hosted a psycho, non-working boyfriend in my apartment for a while. We finally split when he broke all of my belongings and shoved me down the stairs. Police were called and suicide threats were made.

I certainly learned my lesson--get out at the first sign of psychotic jealousy! The first hole in the wall or broken table is your signal to run like hell!

I can honestly say I was/am friends with a few of my ex's. One on the east coast, one living in another country and one living here in the same state.

But, they were also mature enough to agree, "Hey this just isn't working out", dropped the BF/GF part of the relationship and all the crappy expectations that put the strain on everything and let it go where it will from there.

One of them told me all about his new latest and greatest, tall, slender, beautiful girlfriend, who is a model... (she is many things, I am not) He knew I would be, in his words, "Totally and completely HONEST, no matter how brutal the truth is. I respect you for that."

Glad to hear Nicole got away from Brian. What a loser, or rather LOSER!!! She should have kicked his sorry ass out of the apartment and sent him to a hotel, instead of her and John going.

And why is it that people call their S/O all sorts of degrading and insulting things, but they can't seem to get enough of them? You are such a lousy this, that and everything else, but I loooove you soooo muuuuch! WTF?

The best defense to this is to agree with them.

I am so bad at everything, why do you want me around? You're right! I am terrible, lousy and horrible. Why I should I stay and bring you down? You are so much better off without me! See ya!!! Asshole!

For the record, one of the freight company drivers that used to come pick up shipments at work, was involved with SCA. He was of a higher, monarch type position within the 'kingdom' and he said people would actually ask him for money, outside of the whole role playing, fantasy world, just for fun and enjoyment stuff.

"Your lordship, I need $500 to pay my mortgage this month so my family doesn't get kicked out onto the streets. My wife will come be your servant and do your bidding for three weeks time as repayment."

He said they would 'offer' him all sorts of stuff, some bordering on illegal, other stuff, just beyond bizarre.

Some people just can't, don't or won't seem to make the distinction of what is reality and what is NOT. Sounds like their reality check keeps right on bouncin'.

Brian's constant belittling of Nicole and his controlling behavior is a classic case of mental and emotional abuse. It doesn't matter how she left him. If you act like a parasitic bully, you loose the right to complain about the specifics of the eventual breakup!

Anyway, I know guys like Brian. Several of my close friends have dated guys like him. They'll eat away at your confidence, little by little, until you actually think that you don't deserve any better and this piece of crap is the best you can do. Oh, and love hurts, baby. Barf!

People are social animals: when isolated and a supposedly loving boyfriend constantly attacks the merit of your character, you'll eventually begin to doubt yourself. It's somewhat similar to the mechanisms utilized when procuring a false confession or the victim of a kidnapping falls prey to Stockholm Syndrome.

Sometimes I come here to see behavior from guys that I'd like to avoid exhibiting myself, but it's nice that this time there was an example of a guy doing it right as well. Doesn't hurt that I share a name with him either.

Yeesh, what a moron Brian is. Um, what part of 'do NOT contact Nicole again, or your ass'll wind up in JAIL' is not penetrating his 10-inch thick skull?

I've never been able to maintain friendships with past exes. They never seem to be able to keep the boundaries straight.

An example: An LTR guy I broke up with, who hadn't said he loved me in quite some time...but as soon as we were chatting on the phone as 'friends', he once again started signing off with "I love you, bye!". WTF?

But some men - even those I never tried to maintain a friendship with - just don't seem to 'get' what a breakup means, either. I had one guy phone me several months after breaking up, and it was clearly a booty call. Um, why in Hell would I be interested in screwing you, out of the blue (he had been a lousy lay, to boot. Didn't know one could have 'boring sex'....until I'd had sex with him)??!

I knew this was going to be a doozy when I read 'larp'. I've been a larper for *years*, and know precisely what sort of under-socialized, narcisstic assholes there are.

I like to divide the gamer community into two distinct groups.

Gamer Class A are the creative, nerdy folks who get into gaming because they like being able to express their creative, nerdy side. These are relatively normal people with interesting hobbies.

Gamer Class B are into gaming because no other group will take them. For them, gaming is a lifestyle. I've seen gamers throw bigger shitfits over being deprived experience points than being evicted. I know one guy who was hacking into other people's email accounts and reading it just so he could get an edge in the game.

I just have to say in response to one posting on here that if the relationship ended WELL (as in it just didn't work and no one was a shit to one another) it is possible, with time, to be good friends with an ex. I have a best friend that I dated in high school. And no, the romantic chapter is entirely closed.

I usually post my letters and stories, and then send an email to my contributor at the same time asking them to check over the story and clarify if I got it correctly.

Many of these stories, especially the longer ones, are very hard to decipher. This story, obviously, was quite long, and as often happens, I had quite a difficult time organizing the exact specifics and the timeline of what happened.

"Nicole" got back to me this morning.

When Brian initially threatened Nicole over the phone, "the police got involved", which I assumed meant an arrest. What it actually meant was Nicole had to get police officers to escort her back to her apartment.

Towards the end, when Brian left a message, Brian was inexplicably NOT arrested for contacting Nicole. The police officer SAID he was going to be arrested, and even though the police had answered the phone and Nicole had the incriminating message, he was inexplicably never arrested for that incident either.

"Nicole" now confirms that Brian will very likely be arrested for his continued attempts to contact her.

I am going to assume Nicole changed her number (if she hasn't, why the hell not)? And if she has changed it, how is Brian getting the new number? And why haven't either of them changed their e-mail addresses?

I agree it's a shitty situation for Nicole to be in, but if Brian is still capable of contacting her with any kind of noticeable frequency, she should be a little more proactive in fixing that.

I'm friends with all but one of my exes. Granted, the one I am closest to didn't speak to me for 6 years, after which he apologized and we resumed our friendship. I think a time out helps put things in perspective and allows needed boundaries to form.

The one I am not friends with is PLFM material (and a LARPer, but plenty of LARPers are nice stable people - Lady Victoria is quite right about Gamer Class A and B). After I broke things off, which took a couple of hours of him talking at me and crying, he asked for breakup sex. I'm not sure what part of "I no longer want a relationship with you" translates to "I'm still interested in sex". I laughed at him. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Cue 6 months of drama.

Wanting to move in quickly is such a tremendous red flag that you are dealing with a Class B individual.

You should never let a guy move within the first three months of being in lust. Your brain is on the fritz; bat-shit crazy on hormones, and it's easy for him to pretend to be a nice stable individual, while the sex is shiny, new and plentifull. Maybe I'm becomming a cynic but him saying "I love you" within the same period of time freaks me out.

Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. Yes, I admit, I was low when I started out with Brain, and ended up even lower when I was with him. I always heard about abusive relationships, and always asked myself “why didn’t you just get outa there?” It’s so hard when you think you have no choice.

cattypex said... True maturity comes when you realize that the world is messy, and that sometimes there is NO good solution that will satisfy everybody, but you somehow manage to balance sanity and realism. And, hey kids, it's NOT "selling out."

So true! I thought being nice to people ya know…they would be nice back. Yeah, not so much. They think you being “nice” is the same as “submissive”.

But hey…I’m in Hawaii. Hawaii! I never thought I’d be living here. And I’m with a wonderful person. Seems all the good karma has finally caught up to me. Thanks for the good luck guys :)

Believe me, I have not talking to this guy AT ALL since I got the order. As for the few posts about how he is still contacting me, it is mostly on the online game I’m playing, World of Warcraft. The only way I’m able to stop him is to /ignore (or block) his character…AFTER he texts me. Then, he just makes another one…and texts me again! Every time, every! Time! I have contacted a Warcraft employee about this matter in game. You would think this falls into their harassment policy: "Ongoing Harassment Harassment takes many forms, and is not necessarily limited to the type of language used, but the intent. Repeatedly targeting a specific player with harassment, either physical or verbal, can lead to more severe action. The idea behind this is to prevent any one player from consistently being made uncomfortable in the lands of Azeroth."

Buuuut all I get now is an automatic e-mail response: ”Greetings,Thank you for taking the time to report this issue to us. At Blizzard Entertainment, we encourage and appreciate the role of the gaming community in keeping World of Warcraft a safe and enjoyable environment for all participants.”

A nice way of saying “whoop-de-do, we don’t care!”. Funny since the first time he did it, I told them I have a restraining order against him...they apparently don't care about that either. I’ve finally found a way around that (all by myself, no thanks to Blizzard). E-mail? I’ve changed it. Phone number? He’s only called me once, and I’ve sent that evidence home. Besides, it’s a pain. Why should I have to change everything anyway? He’s the one breaking the order. He’s also a coward, so once he gets arrested he should stop. I can only hope…

Nicole, I'm glad to hear you're doing so much better, and with a better guy!I gotta ask- what did Brian mean by "talk about our futures with both of you?" Was he trying to negotiate some kind of custody deal with you and John?

That's a whole big bag of fuckin bat-shit insane right there. I'm so glad Nicole got away from him before he escalated the situation and really injured her.

I'm a gamer chick. I know how it goes playing online with people. Sometimes it gets weird. I was part of an online text role playing game for a while until I ended up with a stalker. After that, I've just stuck to my 360 and don't add anyone I don't already know.

As far as exes being able to be friends, my very best friend and I were dating for a while. But with the distance between us (he's in the UK, I'm in Michigan) we both decided that it would be better if we just stayed friends. We didn't talk for a couple weeks and realized that the friendship we had before we dated was more important than the romantic bullshit.

Anon 2.24, that GamerWidow site depresses me in that it even needs to exist. Reminds me of my friend here in town: she and her husband get home from work, he goes to the computer and she goes to the living room to entertain the baby for the night. And when he 'babysits,' the kid just sits in a playpen while he WoWs the evening away. I'm amazed she puts up with it.

That's some serious crazy. I got a lot of serious gamer friends. Most of them find a balance and it's a hobby. But I've lost a number of friends to WoW and the like and it's usually those types who give gamers a really bad name. A good friend of mine actually lost her husband to WoW. Tip: when your amazing wife, who's also a classicly trained chef, says she's cooking you an amazing 7 course romantic dinner and she does, pulling out your laptop and ignoring her throughout the meal because you have a battle is one of the worst possible responses. She's nicer that I am, she fumed. I would have served each course by dumping them on his laptop then closing the lid.

Nicole I am so glad to hear you've done everything possible to get out. It's easy to read something that happened to someone else and say "You should have done this. Why didn't you do that?" You are absolutely right that it's never that easy to see when you're in the middle of it, I'm sure even more so when other aspects of your life are crumbling. That's exactly the sort of thing that disguises abusive relationships. It's awful there isn't more support, that the cops won't actually arrest him yet tell you they will, that you haven't been able to get a response from a company with a supposed stringent anti-harrassment policy. I'm glad you've found someone lovely and have been able to get some positive things out of all the bad and the crazy, like living in Hawaii.

I was in a similar situation with a crazy abusive boyfriend (no psychotic letters to share, unfortunately!) and then my best friend "rescued me" and now he's still my best friend... AND my awesome boyfriend. I know what you mean when you always think that it couldn't possibly happen to you, and you'd instantly leave if your relationship turned abusive... and then you find out your trapped when you are.

Why hasn't she changed her number and her online names/email addresses? He obviously doesn't know where she lives now and it's easy to dissappear online if you want to. Even just renaming her old WoW characters, making new ones or moving servers would help. Sometimes, and I'm not saying she deserves it, nobody does, but sometimes I think these people ask for it.

As bad as Weasel has made this sound, the reality of the situation is far worse.

Brian is about 5'11" and weighs close to 300 lbs now. Nicole is 5'2" and does not even weigh 100 lbs soaking wet. When you consider that physical confrontations are taking place with someone that is three times your size it becomes easier to understand why Nicole left with John and broke up with Brian over the phone. There was definite physical coercision involved during their altercations.

Brian, having no life, would bombard Nicole with phone calls, text messages, email messages, driving by the house, etc. The barrage was relentless and incomprehensible.

As to those who have questioned why she doesn't do this or that: building a case to have someone arrested for breaking a restraining order is a complex ordeal. It shouldn't be, but it is. Brian is smart enough to skirt around the letter of the ex parte while continuing to break the spirit of the decree. By giving him enough rope, he is definitely hanging himself.

John and Nicole have a relationship built on mutual respect. It is very nice to see her happy after the fiasco that was Brian.

This is a young lady, that like all late teenagers, wanted out from under the parent thumb. Although I assume she had the normal head butting with her mom, Brian really magnified that, and played it up. I believe he made her mom the bad person who was trying to keep them apart.

Brian, had a few more 'fine points' that I would like to relate. While living in her Mom's house, he let Nicole's cat out, when he had been requested to leave it in the house. Nic's mom found it trying to crawl back home with a broken leg two days later. A leg the vet said may have been due to a kick.

Also,phone messages from family members seemed to disappear from the answering machine.

Girls ... take this from a mom of three of them, when your mom warns you off a guy... listen to us. Consider what we are saying. Many of us have been there.

No man worth having will ever want to give up your other friends or family to be with them. They will not try and mold you into something you're not. And, as I can attest in Nic's case, if you happen to be smarter/brighter/more creative, they will rejoice in your gifts, not weigh you down with guilt and anger.

I love John, even though I only know him virtually. Because he makes Nic happy and fills her life with respect and joy.

I'm soooo glad that my mom gave me good advice, and hammered it in till it finally sank into my stupid young head!!

God... Brian is such a horrible piece of shit. "Love"? Not so much. Abusing your girlfriend's pets or even worse, KIDS, is the WORST. I hope Brian has no self-esteem, he doesn't deserve any.

I too wondered about why he wanted to discuss the "future" with Nicole AND John.

My hubby is a Big Guy, but totally cuddly. Small children and animals gravitate toward him. AND he lays off the 360 when his family is around.

"I'm friends with all but one of my exes. Granted, the one I am closest to didn't speak to me for 6 years, after which he apologized and we resumed our friendship. I think a time out helps put things in perspective and allows needed boundaries to form."

YES. That is how you can be friends with an ex. Perspective is an amazing thing.

Brian needs serious help. The only committment he should be making is himself into Happy Dale.

Congratulations Nicole for finding happiness. Too bad you had to move to a remote island to make it hard for this guy to get to you. Then again... if it has to be a remote island, Hawaii's not a bad way to go. Keep documenting the crazy and stay safe.

Nicole, to be very blunt, Brian just sounds like a lardass. Even with your small size, some martial arts training would go a long way. Even if you didn't have a crazy-ass stalker, I'd still suggest some sort of self-defense classes. Even if you don't ever have the need to defend yourself, it's still good physical and mental exercise. :D

I'm a blackbelt. And I'm 5'1" and far less than half his weight. Unless this fucker had a knife or a gun or significant martial arts training outside of a video game, I would not be afraid of confronting him. Having the right mindet/training often goes a lot farther than sheer mass.

Er, I just realized that I wanted to clarify something in my 4:56 PM post. By "confront", I specifically mean confronting him in a situation where I absolutely not get the fuck away from him without resorting to physical force i.e. self defense. There's no way in hell I'd want to go out of my way to interact with that psychotic-ass fucker. :/

Scary as this guy is, blaming it on him being a gamer is just stupid - what about all the other guys written about in this blog? Some people are just psychos, there's quite a few of them in every community. I've seen them in church groups, gaming groups, workplaces, new age circles, everywhere.

Being a gamer doesn't predispose you to being an abusive fuck - it may be something that attracts the non-sparkly, nonp-popular groups but that's a long way from saying that being a gamer explains everything about this story.

Obviously, I am a gamer, I'm a girl, most of my friends are into games and yes, there's one or two nutjobs who take everything too seriously. I also know a bunch of 'normal' people who have a few nutjobs addicted to drugs. For some people, it's just another addiction, that in other circles would be drugs, alcohol, sex or something else.

Nicole, good job upgrading to a better guy and good luck getting rid of Brian for good. I'm glad you're living with a guy he's afraid of - that helps!

>>You should never let a guy move within the first three months of being in lust. Your brain is on the fritz; bat-shit crazy on hormones, and it's easy for him to pretend to be a nice stable individual, while the sex is shiny, new and plentifull. Maybe I'm becomming a cynic but him saying "I love you" within the same period of time freaks me out.<<

This is so true. There's a reason everybody tells you not to jump in to anything.

Just frickin' yikes. All I can say is, good for you, Nic, and halleluja for John.

@kochanneoSadly, changing your WoW toon names or switching servers doesn't always work when it comes to trying to lose an e-stalker. In some cases, all it takes is a look through the armory on the official website, and there are some paid services that will track players down. for you.

Besides, why should SHE have to leave her guild and friends because HE'S being a freak?

Good job making broad generalizations about gamers and LARPers. Not everyone fits into your category and you kinda sound like an ass for saying such things. I'm a gamer, I have two healthy children, a husband and I don't live in a basement. I have a nice townhouse.Sooo...your theory...FAIL.

I am a female gamer. I LARP, I play online games. I have dated male gamers. Like any community, there are people who are a little off, and unlike some communities, it does tend to attract a lot of people with less than adequete social skills. However, most (as in almost all) of the people I know from gaming hold down jobs (a vast array, ranging from lawyers, civil servants, business people, social workers... to fast food workers and Walmart employees).

I do have one ex that is a bit of a freak, but nowhere near the level of that, and personally, I believe he's a sociopath. So he's very charming and manipulative, and lacking in that strange thing called the truth. But I figured that out and moved on, and he stopped calling me over two years ago, so all good.

In any case, many gamers are well adjusted members of society who just happen to have very strange hobbies. That's not to say that there are not those who live in their parents basement, have no jobs or social skills, are overweight and care of nothing outside the game world. They exist too.

But I know some people who live the same way on the couch of their parents basement for sports teams. *shrug*

I have a similar story... Was living with my ex, was very unhappy, a friend stayed with us and I realized everything I was missing, left said ex for friend and moved in with him, have been happy ever since.

Only difference was, one message from the ex on Facebook and I blocked him on every website I could think of. My boyfriend did the same after he was threatened over Facebook chat. He got the hint and left us alone. I don't think I could handle constant harrassment. Kudos to Nicole for moving to Hawaii and taking legal action.

I have a couple of friends who work at Blizzard, and I asked them if there was any better way to address the situation. I got the following feedback:

* Keep complaining. The email you receive is boilerplate, but like police being unable to comment on an ongoing investigation, Blizzard doesn't want to say anything that might accidentally fuck up their own investigations. They also need a long history of harassment so they can separate the legit claims from the non-legit. I told my friend that Blizzard ought to change their email to make people like you not think that Blizzard doesn't care.

* Every time Brian signs on and harasses you, complain to a GM. Every time. Again, just once or twice probably won't have much of an effect, but you need to establish a long record of harassment before he gets perma-banned.

* I have also had one of the GMs say that if you report someone as a spammer, it will block their character and and ANY character using that account... the downside is that the blocking only lasts until you sign out.

I hope the tips help, and I hope Brian is soon out of your life completely!

To those that have asked, the “future” Brain wanted to talk about with us, I would assume, is one where he is still involved…harassing us, treating us like shit, and oh! saying that we need to break up so we can all “just be friends”. Yeah, like that’ll happen. What part of I’m-in-love-with-John doesn’t get through his head?

For the Wow geeks, I’ve found an addon where no one under a certain level can whisper me. He could still send me letters, but I’ll just report that. Speaking of which, Lady Victoria von Syrus, exactly how many times do I need to report him? Because I have contacted them a total of eight times that I can count. Believe me, I do it every time he contacts me. And also, he’s hacked into my Warcraft account twice now…once to threaten to my guild to delete my character, another when he hacked my e-mail (shown above) and changed my account password. I’ve tried to e-mail them about this matter, but it’s obvious they don’t read the e-mails. All I got back was a “omgz ur account was hacked?!! We changed ur password, nothing was destroyed, ur good!”. No…no I was ASKING about that…never mind, I don’t care.

I love reading most of everyone's comments, thanks for the support! For those who think I’m “asking for this”…really? You’re going to go that low?

@ Nicole - Sorry you ended up with the bottom of the gamer pool. But it seems you already know gamers aren't *all* like that. Congrats on finding an awesome guy, and a place in Hawaii to boot! And I'm glad he didn't scare you away from gaming - that happens a lot too.

@ casualencounters-Ok, you got a "really?"from me at the comment. The pic made me laugh - and my husband too. It's the new generation's answer to the pinball wizard - the Nintendo wizard! XDAnd btw, we're both lifelong gamers.

In this blog: Bitter old hags who get off on men's hurt when they're not cruising the self-help section of borders looking for a book to tell them why they're 30 years old and unloved. Really, ladies, get a life.

Aw, I was hoping Brian would post a grease-and-tear-stained defense. Oh well.

Nicole, you're a saint for not hiring a hitman, and I'm glad you and John are happy. :)

I am a girl gamer, current WoW player, former tabletop and LARP-er. And I have dropped games like hot rocks when things started to get weird. It's not easy, and it's goddamn unfair, but sometimes it's the only way to keep the drama at arm's reach. And if you're lucky, it works.

--Buuuut all I get now is an automatic e-mail response: ”Greetings,Thank you for taking the time to report this issue to us. At Blizzard Entertainment, we encourage and appreciate the role of the gaming community in keeping World of Warcraft a safe and enjoyable environment for all participants.”--

My guess is they dont care because he's paying his 14.95 a month for the 'privelige' of harassing you.

I play WoW too, am female, and I have a male friend who was in the reverse situation: being harassed by the ex and her new boyfriend. and they wouldn't help him, either. Lose 30.00 versus 15.00 is my guess.

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