You really want to buy something, sign up for a class, go on a trip, and the numbers don’t support it.

It’s a drag to think you really want something and then tell yourself you can’t afford it.

So stop lying to yourself.

When you make up your mind that you want something, there’s almost always a way to get it. You could sell everything you own, you could work two additional jobs, you could cash out your 401k.

But you’re not.

There’s a reason you’re choosing not to afford it.

The only reason you ever want to buy something is because you think buying it will make you feel a certain way.

You think participating in a class will make you feel confident or connected.

You think a new pair of shoes will make you feel sexy.

You think going to Greece will make you feel relaxed and free.

And it might. But you don’t have to buy those things to get those feelings.

The same is true when you choose not to afford something.

The only reason you ever choose not to buy something is because you think having something else will make you feel better.

You think paying off your bills will make you feel responsible.

You think having money in your savings account will make you feel secure.

You think not working a second job will make you feel free.

And it might. But it’s possible to buy the item you want and still get those feelings.

The only way to really know if you can afford something is to know what you value and why.

What do you value most: the item or what you’ll get by not buying it?

If something is important to you, stop telling yourself you can’t have it. Instead, brainstorm creative ways you could choose to afford it. Check in and see if you’re willing to do those things and understand why/why not?

Affordability isn’t just about dollars and cents. It’s about value. And you always get to choose what you value.

It’s easy to blame money disorganization on being busy or not having the right system.

The truth is, disorganization is usually about something deeper.

It’s a symptom of avoidance. Avoidance often comes from fear.

Unless you address WHY you are disorganized with your money, no system will cure the problem.

When the mind is scared, it goes into fight or flight. You don’t have to be attacked by a bear or face ruin to activate this response. Subtle emotions are powerful triggers. Being unsettled, worried, stressed or unsure can initiate fight of flight.

Take a moment and consider where you might be avoiding your money:

Are you procrastinating paying bills? Is there one bill you keep forgetting?

Are you avoiding balancing your checkbook?

Do you keep forgetting to cancel that subscription you never use and are still being charged for?

These are all symptoms of disorganization that indicate an avoidance problem.

Want to clean it up?

Embrace some element of unpredictability with your money. Your financial life is always changing. That’s not something to be scared of. You can handle whatever comes your way.

Spend some time giving yourself credit. Write down a list of all the reasons you can handle whatever happens. You’re smart. You have skills and contacts. You know how manage your money. Gather as much evidence as possible.

Use fight or flight to your advantage. When you believe you can handle what you see, that you can face any challenge in style, you’ll be more likely to face your money head on.

Have you ever been in the midst of making a financial decision and felt stuck.

You arrive on a decision only to second guess yourself just a few minutes later. You run the numbers over and over and still don’t feel 100% confident in the decision?

I know I have. Sometimes what looks great on paper, the story the numbers seem to tell, feels different when you go to pull the trigger.

What might be happening is an ownership bias.

When you own something, you like it more, just because you own it. Seriously.

This can make it especially tricky when it comes time to make a decision around selling something. Maybe you’re committed to paying off debt and selling the boat seems like a good way to go. Or maybe you’re getting ready to buy a bigger house and trying to decide to sell or hold onto the smaller one.

Because you own the item, your mind will likely value the item more than the markets or the financials do.

So how do you get around this?

First – be honest with yourself. Do you actually own the item? If you have a loan against the item, it’s not yours, it’s the banks. Being honest about that can help reduce the ownership bias.

Then ask yourself these questions:

1. Given your current goals and finances, would you go out and buy the item again today? If not, what’s really holding you back from selling it?

2. What do you think it means if you sell the item?

3. What do you think it means if you don’t sell the item?

These questions will help you get some perspective on what you are trying to gain, besides money, by holding or selling. They will help you see where you’re looking at the numbers and where your ownership bias is showing up.

I’d love to hear your experiences with ownership bias and how you moved past it.