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Friday, June 8, 2012

It's a long way

I hate to say it, but guess what? We've somehow gotten to be in even worse shape.

Lucylu's doing better, I'll give her that, and an "A" for effort. Since the last time I posted, she hasn't had any major malfunctions or meltdowns or freak moments of shouting at a poltergeist......well, no worse than the rest of us, anyway. For all of us, now that the initial hurt and shock are over, they've been replaced by a big dark cloud of silence or emptiness. Like I said....I give Lucia credit because she's trying her damndest to come to terms with it. That's more than I can say for myself. I've just been pushing it out of my head, which is all good and well until I come home for dinner and see the empty spot at the head of the table.

Then I'm more like Diesel. He's been sullen and introverted, and suddenly doing things that he hasn't done in months, maybe years. Like deciding out of the blue one day that he wanted to get around to fixing the broken toy soldiers in his collection, or maybe coming home from work late because he felt like buffing a long-standing dent out of his truck's cab. It's almost, well....I think he's decided to stop putting shit off. I think this all has given him a new outlook on life. He's supposed to go out on a short run starting tomorrow afternoon and be back within a few days, too. I hope that, maybe, the open road'll help his mood.

What's really bugging me today now is that I'm worried as shit about Wolfy. From what I can gather, she took a trip to try and find this guy she cares about.....didn't find him, and the boss was pissed that she even tried. I was there when she came back, Fell and I were....and Lucylu was sleeping, thank god.....but the boss was in the house too like a second after Wolfy was, and boy was he mad. He tore up her's knitted doll, threw it at her and just turned and vanished....he was there long enough for me to panic but not long enough to freak out. I was more worried about her once he was gone, because I saw that she was bleeding. Once I saw the blood was black, though....I ran for the first aid kit.

Fell cleaned the wound and patched her up, and we tried to talk to her.....she's not talking now, either. Even worse, she's just got her laptop in her hands and sitting there, no matter what Fell and I do....I just feel so useless anymore. I can't help Lucylu feel better, I can't help Wolfy find who she's looking for, and I couldn't even help Specs.

Alright, it's last resort time.....when in doubt, bake. It'll help me get my mind to a better spot and maybe some cookies will brighten someone's day, at least.

-Sam

[[Dieseledit]] My altruism has a rash and it itches like a bitch: I swear that I'm the only one who's seen this so far. Seems like a certain self-imposed martyr is trying to pick up his pieces at long last and get a grip on his life. I'm not sure whether to point it out to Lucia or not, or if she's seen it, or I dunno....I just don't want to cause another complication. I just feel like he might be getting an angle that we're incapable of.

I've seen it. somebody tell him that Clay isn't an "it."

On a different note, yes. I'm determined to finish my bucket list at a young age. Even if it's a little mundane. The score still sits at Saebr: 3 and Diesel: 0. I'm going to even it, damn it.