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Queen, I was so happy to see you in a fighting proactive spirit and then your next post just had me stunned. Oh my God. I don't know what to say. It's a miracle that nothing happened, the no one got shot.

I didn't go to jail, don't have a criminal record but I put my parents thru hell and they had to let me go, I was out of their house aged 15, just dropping in & out like your son. It could have easily ended in jail for me, but thinking back I really don't see how anythin they would've done would stop me until I learned things the hard way. I'm just writing this to tell you that even though we come from totally different places and backgrounds, when someone is bent on self destruction no matter the means there is not much anyone can do until they come around. You did everything you could for him I am sure of it. Now it's all him.

After this it's really hard for me to write about something else right now, hugs to all you wonderful ladies out there.((((Michelle))))

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

just wanted to findo out how everyone is doing , I just came back from a test that I failled with flying colours if there is such a thing. I just dont know what to do, this is what was standing between me graduating this year and versity and right now i just feel like raising my voice as high as I can and cry as hard as I can. i feel this much pain that I cannot discibe, I just though I should let it out maybe it will make me feel beter. I never had such a problem ever since I have been here, I just blacked out in the test room as if I never touched my book even for a second. love Zazi

Good morning ladies. Queen, you are on my mind. I hope you are okay. Minismum, I love reading about your family. I think the t-ballers would benefit from Little Debbies before and after. My oldest used to play tball,I actually made it to some of the games, and we are thinking of getting Robert involved in something like that. Betty, good luck on working at the shelter. You will be good with the people, a blend of empathy and no-nonsense. Make some time for you to have fun , too. I need to go to Goodwill and find some summer dresses. There is a nice one in Greensboro. Dragonette, hope you have a good day at work. Snow, sorry you had to give away your doggie. Less work, though. I prefer cats. You can feed them and they basically take care of them selves. Still, it's hard to give away any pet. Not much going on. Got Robert off to school and have been playing on the computer since. Time to getup and get to it. Moonlight, Camms, Wendy, anybody else I forgot, have a great day. Cristy

Snow, sorry about the dog, but you made the right decision. My daughter always wanted this and that. When I would give in, whether it was her bird, guinea pig, or whatever, I would care for it. I think that's just the way it goes with kids-they want a pet, but don't want to take care of it, or probably even have a clue how to take care of it. I'm like Cristy, I prefer cats. If I had a place with a yard, though, I've always wanted a boxer. Maybe someday.

Drag, I was the same way when I was a teen-ager. I got in trouble with cops a few times, but never went to jail. But there was nothing my parents could have done to control me, short of locking me up somewhere. Mostly when I got pulled over or whatever, the cops would let me go in return for something sexual; no matter how fucked up I was. They were some dirty pigs.

Zazi, I'm sorry about that test. I'm not sure what you mean between that being between you graduating and versity? I'm not understanding exactly what versity is-university you mean? Can you re-take the test? Again, I'm very sorry. Don't give up.

Cristy, I'm sure Robert would love t-ball, if you can tear him away from his truck.

Queen, I'm thinking of you this morning. Do you know when your son will be going to court?

I'm thinking of going to an NA meeting tonight. I haven't been to one in awhile. I'm not in a bad place or anything; I go through phases where I'll like go to 3-4 in a couple weeks, then it'll be month before I go. I'm always in touch with people in the program. If I ever felt "itchy" I could go over to my bff's house anytime and hang out/stay until I felt better. My best friend's just like that. Even though she's a successful therapist, she's never forgotten what it's like to be down and out.

Nothing else going on today. I'm not going to stay in my jammee's again though, like I did yesterday. Actually I have to go to one of those payday loan places. I hate to do that, but always near the end of the month, after paying my co-pays on my meds, getting food, gas etc. I find myself broke. I think it's a cycle I got myself stuck into. I hope you ladies have a good morning.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Queen, I've had similar problems with my son of late and as much as it hurts my heart I have determined to give it up to God/dess as you referred to. Worrying and continually thinking on it kept me in a stressed out state that was making me physically ill. I'm praying that the spots on your scans are just that - spots that represent nothing more than a shadow.

It seems that you have a great support group in here and I would like to participate. I was diagnosed in July 2008. At my appointment on 4/23 my cd4 was 712 and vl 24,800. From the very beginning I have fought a very serious battle with fatigue. My ID doc decided to start me on meds to see if knocking down the viral load would reduce the fatigue. I've taken two doses now and the only side effect seems to be a little bloated, uneasy feeling in my stomach. Not quite nausea. So I count myself fortunate. I have labs in two weeks and go back for a visit in a month to see if there is any change in the fatigue.

Each of you are a great source of encouragement. I've read back through many of your posts and they give me much hope. Have a wonderful day!

He is pretty much done and his bond is set at 100,000. Nothing I can do but try to put money on his books. I am dealing with severe stomach cramps today, I think it is from me starting back on my meds. I woke up with cramps around 7 am that could be compared to labor pains.

Hey ladies.i was gonna start another thread but ill just yap about it here...

I got my lab results today...and contrary to my own belief, my lucky ass is still U/D and even after being sick all that time my cd4's are 1,100..i couldnt believe it...the only down fall was i may have lipoatrophy in my shins...lol of all damn places..couldnt i have had it a lil in my thighs or waist??...Well my shins were always small compared to my turkey thighs but u can kinda feel the bone when u touch them so he is gonna check out my lipids..i have to fast for that..he also told me to stay off the meds (which i prolly wont) but we will see..my fake ass adherance has worked so far...lol ...Hows everyones day so far?

Queen u stay in my thoughts chic..i hope u arent stressin too bad...((((QUeen)))))...SOn son is gonna be son son..u have to focus on you at least right now for sure... Wait i just read the article..i didnt know all tht..damn Boy!..Im praying for u mamacita...

Betty : u sound like one of my gfs..she keep gettin them loans and they eat her money up and she doesnt make any as it is..they are dangerous..i did them 2 x....no more...unless its a dire emergency...

SNow: I wish i could have a dog at my place..i think i may try and talk my landlord into it...we cool like that..i think..lol...I really cant stand cats tho..i like kittens but when thye get grown...just like a teenage girl..they gotta go...Too much attitude fo rmy taste...but kittens are just adoreable....I want a rock/mix st. bernard like i had when i was akid..that was the cutest lil puppy until my sister let it get run over...Her name was perky..and i named her..

the only down fall was i may have lipoatrophy in my shins...lol of all damn places..couldnt i had it a lil in my thighs or waist??...Well my shins were always small compared to my turkey thighs but u can kinda feel the bone when u touch them so he is gonn check out my lipids

Wini: yeah hopefully its nothing serious..and prolly wouldve never complained about it if i werent poz... and since its not in any other place..im kinda thinkin its nothin..but we shall see..ive been on th emeds almost 5 years now..so ...

Queen, wow. I am so, so sorry. Hopefully he'll be able to cop to a plea. Does he have a criminal record? You hang in there girl and please take care of yourself. We're here.

Wish-lipoatrophy in the tummy ain't happening. When people get lipodystrophy in the tummy, it (at least in my case) makes them look a tad pregnant. You can get lipoatrophy in your thighs, but it's not as glorious as you may think, trust. Yeah, I know those payday places eat up money, but when at the end of the month, I'm broke and need food and have to make the co-pays on my meds (or they won't send anymore) what can I do. I don't make any income outside of SSDI. Hopefully I'll be able to stop it someday.

Nothing happening here. I went to the store and that's about it. I'll be back later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I have been getting calls a few times from my son already. He is wanting out but knows he has to sit for about a month to see if the bond will get lowered. If it does, I don't think it will be by much. My son has a friend that would like to put up the money to get him out but he knows how my son is and thinks he will lose his money. And I won't lie, he probably would. His friend talked to his lawyer and the lawyer wants 17,500 just to take the case. And so more than likely a PD will get it. I guess my son is seeing it isn't glamorous after all but a little too late. I called the probation officer and the child support office. They won't stop the child support til they get a letter from me in writing.

I started back my meds last night after going about a week off of them and my ID doc wanted me to start back. Now I am having extreme stomach cramps, his nurse wants me to go to the emergency room. I may go but for now I am trying to hold off. I will take my meds again tonight and if it gets any worse then I'll go to the ER tomorrow.

I am trying to stay calm about everything but it is hard. I feel like I am going to lose it.

Queen - I wish there were words that would comfort you. Having to wait for news is the worst kind of torture and I am sure it is playing a part in your stomach distress. Do you have a local friend that can sit with you a while? If you really feel you are going to lose it, the hospital may be the best place. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You've been going through so much lately, I'm am so sorry. The number one thing is you and taking care of you. If you feel like its too much than go to the hospital....pain wise....and if you go into full panic then you should also go to the hospital...do you have insurance?

Another thing Queen, about 3 years ago I had an mri on my brain pre dx. I was away at a conference in NY completely alone when my husband told me the doctor said he found lesions covering the brain. I flipped...My whole family were out of the country and my husband was wasted when he told me.....it was awful. When I got back to NJ I had a spinal tap. It turned out to be clear and it was an anomaly. So try to stay focused until then.

Thanks Betty-My life has been so up and down that if I wrote half the stuff down you might think I was crazy. I'm sorry about your knees that's awful. No wonder you couldn't dance months back. Isn't there some kind of physical therapy you can do....sorry if you mentioned that i just spend 10 hours a day in front of a pc so catching up here is sometimes a skimming through the forum.

Oh dear Queen, please don't not go to the hospital if you need to. I don't want anything to happen to you girl. If the cramps are still there, maybe you should go. With everything that's going on, these cramps might not be anything to mess around with. And you have a laptop, right? So if you do go, take that with you so that, when you can of course, you can let us know what's going on. You know people will be concerned.

Camms, good to see you here. You know you can tell us anything and we won't think you're crazy. We're here for ya.

I'm going to watch a movie when I'm done here. Just another night.....

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Oh dear Queen, please don't not go to the hospital if you need to. I don't want anything to happen to you girl. If the cramps are still there, maybe you should go. With everything that's going on, these cramps might not be anything to mess around with. And you have a laptop, right? So if you do go, take that with you so that, when you can of course, you can let us know what's going on. You know people will be concerned.

Camms, good to see you here. You know you can tell us anything and we won't think you're crazy. We're here for ya.

I'm going to watch a movie when I'm done here. Just another night.....

The cramps are still there but not as bad. My ID doc wants me to keep taking my med so I'll take them tonight. If I wake up again with cramps like I did today then I will go to the hospital, in fact call the ambulance because there is no way I would walk. And yes, Camm, I have insurance.

Queen: I guess since we haven't heard from you, that you are doing OK and feeling better this morning. Please let us know.

Guess what I got in the mail yesterday. A BILL! That's right, ladies, a bill from Quick Care for $131!! As soon as I checked in, I had to pay them $60. The only way I would get a bill for more is if I had x-rays, blood work, ect. So, I wasn't expecting a bill since the doctor did squat except write me a prescription (that cost me $100 to fill!). So, what was the reason for the upcharge? It was a "level 4" - meaning, I was there too long. Too long! Forget the fact that I was there "too long" waiting for the stupid doctor to come in. Forget the fact that I was there "too long" wihile I waited for the nurse to bring me a cup so I could have some water. Forget the fact that I was there "too long" because the doctor had to go back out and find her prescription pad and took forever coming back in. I wasnt' aware that Quick Care charged RENT. Needless to say, I'm totally ticked off. I'll have to call them Monday and arrange for payments. $131 may not seem like a lot of money, but it is to us, especially at the end of any month, but this month we were hit hard by a $700 car repair bill. Now you know why I HATE going to the doctor.

I hope the rest of you are having a much better day than I am. I'm trying not to let this ruin my weekend, but I'm plain ticked off. The kids are having an Earth Day party at church this morning from 10am - noon. They'll be learning how and why to recycle (although there are no recycling stations here), and planting flowers to bring to our shut-ins (members who are too old or sick to come to church). After that, we're back at the ballfield for #2's game, then Mini and I will be leaving early and going to a birthday party. It's the 1st time she's been invited to a party without her siblings.

Queen, I'm wondering how you're doing this morning. If you're still having the cramps, please get it checked out. Like I said before, we don't want anything to happen to you.

Camms, if you ran through Borders saying you are invisible, I think I would find that more amusing than disturbing. But, that's just me.

I watched the movie "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" last night. It was excellent. I did fall asleep a couple times, but only briefly. Last night my sugar crashed way low-34. So I went on a sugar-binge for a little bit.

Today is Salvation Army's dollar day. My bff and I are going to that. Probably also to a meeting. I was going to go last night, but that fell by the wayside. When I first get up in the morning, I always say I'm going to do this or that in the evening; then when the evening comes, I'm too tired. Ah, to be 10 years younger.

It got really chilly here. This morning it's only 45 degrees outside. They say Monday we might have a little snow. Damn! It was just 78 yesterday. I suppose this is typical April weather though.

At the end of May, over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to an NA convention. It's actually at a place called Camp Mack. There is, however, indoor sleeping, showers etc. But it is more out-doorsey than the usual conventions, which are in hotels. I'm looking forward to it. I don't expect anything earth-shattering to happen, but one never knows. I didn't expect it either at the last convention I went to, and I got laid by that handsome Native American fellow. Of course, if anything like that happens at this convention, it will have to be tons more discreet, as I'm sharing a room with about 4 or 5 other ladies. I used to be a regular attendee at this particular convention. It always left me feeling calmer. Hopefully I'll come away from this one feeling the same way.

What is everyone up to this weekend?

Mum, I see you just posted. I agree, $131 is a lot of money when you don't have it (I don't either). But, at least you're able to breathe now. Give 'em hell!

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Mom, having heard about the surprising "overstay" charge, I think I heard it all about the US healthcare system. as long as you have cold blooded, greed addled companies run it, it wont change. shame on them. they are no different than criminals. give healthcare to the mafia, might be run better.

Queen, thinking of you. sending you hugs & encouragement. i saw what you wrote about the lung, and the biopsies, wanting to be put to sleep and do them at once, sounds like a good idea. i hope you feel better with the crams. sending hugs & good vibes your way

I spoke to the BF about your son. Not to take him off the hook or anything, we both feel that b/c of different reasons i wont list here, it is extremely easy to slide down from minor "naughty" offences to serious crime in America in particular. I remember when I was exactly that age, I tried to bash someone in the head with a pole. I can't imagine what I would have done if guns were as easily available, I was overrun by hormones (pms) and high on speed. I cant imagine my state of mind back them, it was like I was another person. That guy had forced me to have sex with him though, but you know girls are much less outwardly violent than boys. Today we have a violent culture, even here in peaceful, semi socialist Holland boys stab each other and pretend to be gangsters. The more easily weapons are available, the more happens.

everyone else, hugs to you, sorry I dont feel well enough - pyshcially & emotionally- to type much. have a great weekend

« Last Edit: April 26, 2008, 09:59:58 AM by Dragonette »

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Good Morning Ladies,Drag- I hope you feel better soon, hopefully you have some time this weekend to just rest and relax and take care of yourself.

Mum- I would flip too not only because I didn't have the money but the reasoning is ridiculous. How can you being in the doctors office for a long time be your fault, they are always making us wait for this and that...it just goes to show you how messed up the economy is. Next thing you know they will tax us for standing in line to buy our groceries. Hope you guys have fun at the ball field today.

Queen- I have been thinking of you too. How are the cramps? I am glad to hear you are starting your meds again. Do you have someone to go with you to the two appointments, someone that you trust, to give you support and help you to get all the information you need? I have a yahoo pm thing, if you ever want or need to chat, its eljojawi71.

Betty- I wish we had dollar day at the Goodwill here, supposedly they are going to open up a store in the adjoining town that is always a dollar for everything but it will probably be all the crap that doesn't sell. I don't even go to the Salvation Army, thier prices are too high The camp you are talking about sounds like my cup of tea, I love shit like that, hopefully you will bunk with some great women.

I will finish this later the SO need some help. Hope everyone has a good day!

Snow- the Salvation Army is having the dollar day. Goodwill is having 50% off day. Here, the Salvation Army is much, much cheaper than the Goodwill. They're more expensive than what they used to be, but still a nice alternative to any other store where clothing is sold (unless it's a second hand store).

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I'm in a pissy mood right now. The mother of my grand daughter called me and asked me if I could go buy her some cigarettes because my step son forgot to leave her some for the day. WTF ?And of course me being a freakin softy I'm going to do it. I'm just making her ass wait till I'm ready to do it. I'm not going to do it again though. Screw that. Not having cigarettes is not an emergency in my book.

Also still pissy about crap I read in the LTS forum. But I'll get over that pretty quick. Its not like I know the person.

I hate feeling this way. I'm normally such a happy go lucky girl then people gotta step in and fuck up my joy, joy morning. I'm sure I'll be miss happy pants again by this evening baring no one else decides to screw with my day. LOL

I am feeling better across the board. Not stressing about my son or the specialist. I'll wait and see what he says when I see him. The cramps are about gone, I am thinking maybe last effects from the barium smoothie I drank for the cat scan and the Atripla. Ususally because of the Atripla I have a bm every morning but never cramps when I do. I know TMI.

Wendy, I can understand you're being upset. No, that would not be an emergency. But, I've also been out of cigarettes and have felt like I was going to die if I didn't get some. I have a hard time sometimes telling someone "no." I wonder why that is.

Well, my friend I went to Salvation Army with had to work until 2:00, so we didn't get there until hours after the sale started. Alot of the clothes were picked over. But, I did find one top and a pair of jogging pants. I didn't find anything at Goodwill. Then, we went to a Mexican restaurant called Mazatlan. OMG. I feel like I weigh 50 more lbs than I did this morning. And I only ate 1/2 of what I ordered. I think it's because I've been drinking soda all day. Sometimes that tends to make me feel bloated. So, I'm going to go lay down in a minute. I hope you ladies are having a good Saturday.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hello Ladies! I have tried to read through the posts quickly. Queen, I am sorry that you have to go through all this. I hope the specialist is able to tell you a little more.

I have been busy with school. Not much is going on. This is the most hetic time of year. We are nearing the end and we have state testing, open house, end of year plans, etc. I wish I had more to contribute but my life just isn't that exciting. I went the the Book Festival today. I have never been so it was an experience. They have it at UCLA. Basically it is a bunch of publishers, authors, seminars, and food booths. It is in the 90's here so it was very HOT and there was a lot of walking. I came home and took a nap. Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner with my mother and her fiance who is in town. Not happy about it but I guess I need to suck it up. That's all for now...

#2's baseball game was AWESOME!!! He actually hit the ball - 1st time he's ever done it - and then he made it to first base! They already had 2 outs and we were nervous that he'd be the 3rd. Then, after 2 more batters, he slid into home plate to make the 1st point the team has EVER made! YEAH!!!! The next time up, he struck out, but that's ok because he HIT the ball!! We were all jumping up and down and screaming. They still lost 5 to 12, but that's OK because MY boy hit the ball and made the team's 1st point of the season!! I am one proud mum

The birthday party was nice and Mini had a really good time. The mum made a sugar-free cake for Mini and we got to bring the rest home. She ran and played and played and ran and talked everyone's ears off. We just got home and #4 (middle daughter) lost another tooth. Guess we need to go find a dollar. Think she'll notice if we take the dollar out of her piggy bank from the last tooth and give it back to her tonight? LOL..no, I'm serious. Really.

Hope you all are having a really great Saturday and that it spills over into the rest of the week. Love you all mucho bunches!Mum

I had a little cry this afternoon. Its not just one thing in particular its one of those cumulative things. I went through my day doing all the things I have to do, work ect. I made dinner. I just finished eating. I feel a little better. I'm not sad anymore or angry or anything I just have the lingering anxiety. My youngest son passed away this week 14 years ago. I needed a little cry to get rid of some of the grief. I'll be fine. I just had one of those days where everything you try to ignore builds up on you until you cant ignore it anymore.

Should not be posting on here as been out to a party to say goodbye to two of my closest friends - so I have had a few drinks tonight.

Sorry - but I have known them over 23 years - seen their kids grow up and them mine born and grown up - and they have always been there for me and now - next Wednesday - they are flying off and leaving Cornwall and the UK probably for good.....It was a lovely evening and a very, very sad evening, As I need them now I have HIV more than I ever did . But happy for them that they have a new life

My friends are leaving Cornwall to live in Greece - as they bought a property there I did a very basic web site for them, not advertising at all as I doubt any of you in the US etc wil ever be able or want to go to their apartments in Greece - - so posting this just to share: http://www.argassiheights.co.uk

Just 'gutted' as we say here - Lesley's oldest is 32 years old and I have had much input with him and and her youngest 22 - known him most of his life and much loved by me --------- and she - Lesley is someone I always relied on and knew was here for me!!!!!! She is someone who has always been there for many people and many who feel the same as I were at the partly tonight - she has been there for a lot of us.

Lesley and Stuart always give great parties - so I have just been to a great party - but it does not lessen the sadness of her leaving - but I know it is what she wants to do and what is best for her, and her partner Stuart

Sorry that I am being so selfish and just posting about my stuff..........Queen .......glad you are feeling a bit better ............everyone ...........I love you all lots already ..... and have read all what you written but as I said, been to a leaving party and had too much to drink so will not reply now

Just thank you all for being there when I needed you - so bye for now.

Goodnight from England UK - it is 2.10 am here,,,,,,,,,very sad.................know you have your own stuff and I should not be posting but she/Lesley has been my friend for over 20 years and she is now going away ..........

I will be more sensible in the morning - but wanted to let my new 'online' friends know Sleep tight

Cried lots tonight - for my friend and for me too - maybe it is therapy - I so hope so

Crying is good therapy perhaps but crying alone as I am just makes me feel worse - my daughter walked out on me today, she is only 18 ( my poor daughter being only 18 and having me for a parent!!!)

Why should she care I did not care about my parents at 18 and my parents did not deal her HIV - she wants me top look after her - but I can not look after a paper bag right now

She hates me - even before the HIV - in fact for her the HIV is not really a factor - she just hates me for all the mistakes and all the times I did not come through for her before now...................but now I have HIV .....its the pits.But she does not hate her dad, my husband , her father, at all for leaving her with me to work at sea and than acquiring HIV by having sex briefly with some woman in Brazil that means nothing to him and never will - yet she loves him and hates me

but having HIV makes me care -

I want her to love me - I love her so much , but she always has seen me as cr** and HIV is just the icing on the cake for my lovely daughter that I have stuggled to give everything I possible can and bring up as well as I possibly can - when he was at sea most for this time, I did do my best

I alway knew my best was never good enough

- but what I have done now to my lovely daughter? HIV beats anything even she would have expected me to bring to her life , especially at my age and in my circumstances - yes he brought it to me and me to her - but she seems only to hate me !!!

but suppose crying it helps me care for me

You all seem to be coping so well -it puts me to shame how wel you all cope with so much more than I

but HIV at 55 years old and a life that has never been a great 'bunch of roses' - HIV now is a disaster for me I suppose it is never the 'right ' time for anyone to have HIV !!!.......sorry to be so selfish and so self indulgent and self centered - but HIV was the last thing on earth I ever expected.......why should I ...??never had sex with anyone but my husband for our entire 21 year marriage...............he got this HIV - wish I had had sex with someone else now !!

At least I might have had some fun aquiring that HIV....

yet my 18 year old daughter loves him .......but she things I am c**P

Never thought that it was on the cards I would EVER have HIV!!

............accident possible? ..............as I had a big one that nearly killed me in 2003 and left me disabled for life

.......breast cancer - yes - very possible...... I have lost 3 friends to this

.....cervical cancer...........maybe.......................... ! heart attack ( hey my friend that I house in a caravan ( trailer) in my smallholding is younger than me, 53, and had a heart attack) so maybe despite my fitness I could have had a bad heart at my age as my friend does

Take a deep breath. Now I may be a little blunt with what I may say, please do not take it personal. It's just how I am. I understand you being upset about how your daughter feels about you but you know what? 2 tears in a bucket, motherfuck it. Not sure if you understand what that means but I will try to break it down for you.

I know you love your daughter, no doubt, but her treating you like shit in your own home is not right and very disrespectful. I know you feel bad but if it was me, I'd be a bit pissed off. Now I am going strictly by what you have shared with us. If she can't treat you with respect then let the doorknob hit her where the good Lord split her. And I am also wondering why your husband isn't putting her in check about it either. If she loves him so much as you say she does then it would seem she would at least listen to him. And please do not say, he is too ill to say anything because I recall he was well enough to try to put a guilt trip on you so he should've put your daughter in check in my book. And you need to stop making excuses for both of them. They are quite aware of what they are doing and how it is affecting you. In other words, you are letting them get to you. Stop putting up with their shit and try dishing out a little of your own even if you have to snap on their asses. It will make you feel better and will cause them to back up off of you.

Veritee, I can't say it any better than Queen, so I won't even try. I'll just second her emotion. I will also add that maybe getting some counsoling would help you sort our all the emotions and give you some techniques for coping with your co-dependent / toxic relationships. I do wish you peace, hun.

Good sweet Sunday morning to you all! It's a wee bit chilly and way too cloudy here in the mountain state. It's supposed to rain, but there is sunshine in my heart . I hope all of you make the most out of today, because tomorrow is Monday (boo!) and the daily grind begins again. Everyone is sound asleep so my cherry mood is due to end any minute.

Love, hugs, moochies, and whatever else you need is going out to each of you in droves straight from my heart.Mum

Damn, I hate this slow-down this site has at 8:20. I wish they would've made it to where it would happen at like 4:00 a.m. or something.

Veritee, sooner or later we have to let our kids go, to let them do whatever they want to do without feeling responsible for them anymore. Your daughter has done this before. I doubt, her being the age she is, she's going to dramatically change anytime soon. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just the way kids her age are. My daughter is now 23 and we have a good relationship, but when she was around that age (she started much younger, actually), she used to do those same things. So, I just got to the point where I let her do what she wanted. I did not, however, let her dog me out in my own home. Nor should you. If your daughter is going to constantly be disrespectful, then let her go. You don't "owe" her anything. You've raised her. It's not your fault you have HIV. She probably is angry that both her parents have HIV, but there's nothing you can do to change that. If she doesn't want to get help to deal with what she's feeling, then there's no use trying to "fix" it. Let her go and get on with your life. She'll eventually come around. Just don't let her tirade you. You deserve better than that.

Mum, happy Sunday morning to you also. What did you do about your daughter's tooth?

I finished a book I was reading (Letter to a Christian Nation), so today I'm going to go to the library and get another book. Other than that, I got nothin'. I hope you ladies are having good mornings, or whatever time it is where you're at. I'll be back later.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Sorry I haven't been around, I have been dealing with my own shit but have missed being here with you.

Queen, glad to hear you feel better. I am pulling for you, I just can't imagine...BT, perhaps you could call the knee doc and ask that he at least help you get new velcro straps for the knee brace if he won't agree to let you have the operation. That should put things in perspective for him, and I bet there is a simple solution to getting those straps replaced. Perhaps try a medical supply store?Veritee, I agree with Queen and some others here. Even though you love your daughter, she will continue to step all over you. "We teach people how to treat us." Its time to put your foot down and have the emotional pain of doing that happen all at once (get it over with), rather than having this crap eat away at you day after day. Let your emotions and anger make you stronger!Drag, hope you got my email. Mum, you always make me smile, reading about you and the kids. Glad to hear about the new DO, too!Win, I had a weepy day yesterday as well. I'm so sorry about all of those old feelings you were dealing with. They never truly go away. Yesterday was a year since I put my dog down, nowhere near the same as what you went through, but it still tugs at me pretty deeply. I see Cheech getting up there in years as well.

I just keep thinking about all of the losses in my life and wonder if it will get any easier. Cheech is only a dog, but this house had four of us at one time, soon it will be down to one. Its like the original club will be no more and it will just be me. I am hoping that Iceman will stick around and give me the support I need, but I am so damn sentimental.

*sigh*

~ Cindy

**I JUST CHECKED MY BANK ACCOUNT AND MY $600 TO "STIMULATE THE ECONOMY WITH" HAS ARRIVED! OMG, I CAN GET MY ROOF FIXED!*

Veritee- I totally agree with Queen and I said basically the same thing in another post, your daughter is being totally selfish right now but still she has no right to disrespect you in your own home. You should really ask your husband to step up to the plate for you.

Mum- Congrats! on your sons first point and hit. That must have been very exciting.

I got a phone call last night from my sons fathers phone(I'll call him sb for shitbag), I didn't answer it, I just handed the phone to my son. It turned out to sb's daughter, sb is in jail. Halle-FUCKING-lu-yah!!! He is separated from his wife who has gotten a restraining order on him. He had broken in to her house and stole some stuff, got caught, she went away on vacation, he broke in again, stole some stuff and sold it, violated the restraining order. I am not sure how old his wife's youngest son is but the daughter told me that he had him by the neck and threw him against a wall. Sounds like the anger management classes didn't work after all. His daughter was telling me all this stuff last night that shows that the man has not changed at all, I hope to God that he gets some time and my son doesn't have to see him anymore. Hopefully, the judge will see the Webster Dictionary size criminal record he has and do something about it. He is out hustling drugs again, talking to all kinds of women doing who knows what with them. He might even be on drugs now who knows? I hope his wife is strong enough to go through with the charges, if he touched my son like that he would dead and I would be in jail. This man has ruined so many lives and has the potential to ruin so many more, it makes me ill. And not with just HIV, the violence. I feel sorry for my son, I have tried my hardest not to talk badly about his father but when he comes to me wondering why his father does this and why does he do that, what can I say? I guess at this point it doesn't really matter what is said because his fathers actions speak louder than any words could. I will be so relieved if I don't have to deal with this asshole anymore, I can't even tell you.....and best of all, my son will be able to join a sport, and go to his games. YeeHAH!!! Thanks for listening! I apologize if I seem callous but this man if you can call him that, is a vicious, selfish,cruel manipulator and deserves to as much time as possible.

Of course, when I saw Cindy's stimulus was there, I had to go check mine...Nada. Cin, you must be one of the first ones to get it...What your last two number are 06 or something,huh? And I noticed you still have your pic running in Poz Personals. Better take that down before someone sees it. I was wondering how you have been. Try to get over the little funk, I think losing things or people is a part of life, you know the circle of life type of thing. Maybe you should get another pet so there won't just be you. I am sure Cheech would like a playmate.

Snow---It never takes long for those who claimed to have changed to show their real colors. Sorry for the SB's wife and her son. Maybe she should buy a safe and put her things in there unless you are speaking of things bigger than a safe would hold. Trust, your son is seeing how his father is and drawing his own conclusions. Kids are smart as you know, you don't need to say a word.

V--Once again, I wanted to express that I was not trying to come down hard on your for what you are feeling. But I can't help but call it like I see it. I just want you to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. And it really does anger me when I see people do the things that your daughter and husband are doing to you. Speak up and be heard, V, it's your home too and you shouldn't have to feel like you do. You should be comfortable in your own home. Maybe this is why you are drinking so much. How are you doing with that? I agree with Snow, I think it was who said, you should get some professional help. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Nothing planned for today really. I will start on my hair again later. Right now I am watching To Wong Foo.....You know Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo as drag queens. It's one of my fave movies. It's on the movie channels, it was on yesterday,I watched it and now am watching it again. Did I mention I have the dvd too....I wish they would've made a part 2 to it but now Wesley is in jail, Patrick is battling cancer and John is just being John...Be back later...