Tibet

China says that they are willing to give up the sovereignty it has held Tibet since 1951 – as long as the price is right.Hippies and hipsters across the United States are already trying to raise awareness and encourage people to chip in to “Free Tibet.”

“China’s actually really hurting. The US owes 1.3 trillion dollars it never intends to pay back,” said self-proclaimed ‘granola’ Cindy Morris. “The biggest thing is the bad reputation they have developed. ‘Made in China’ means crap. Plus, the pollution over there is really bad. Their government needs more money to process all the dead bodies.”

Since the 1950s, millions has been donated to the Free Tibet cause, but it is unclear where this money is being kept or how much there is. The Dahli Lama has yet to release a statement on the matter, and the Tibetan Government in Exile has not been clear whether they will be able to afford China’s price. It is likely that they do not feel they are rightfully owned by China and will refuse to pay for their freedom.

The 14th Dalai Lama has told followers that he is considering early reincarnation. His motivation, he says, is that he just wants to be a kid again. He looked back fondly on his early days before he was identified as the successor to the 13th Dalai Lama.

“I was just over two when they came for me, and I know they say that you don’t remember anything before the age of three, but technically I’m way older,” he said. “It’s hard to be a Lama, especially one of the Dalai kind, and the idyllic days of lazing in the grass, with sand tickling my naked bottom – it’s hard to recapture them. When I do that now, I have to pretend it’s for spiritual reasons.”

Mr Lama also spoke about his tense relations with China, due to his former alliance with the Tibetan Liberation Movement.

“I want to be friends with them, not enemies. And it makes me sad that they stop me being friends with other autonomous nations.”

The Dalai Lama has been refused entry into South Africa on numerous occasions, as they do not want to compromise relations with China.

“I wanted to visit my old friend, [Archbishop] Desmond Tutu. But they wouldn’t let me go to his birthday bash. Has anyone ever stopped a toddler from attending birthday parties because of international relations concerns? No. Here’s to being a baby.”