SUNDAY BEST: Parents are changing the game, one scream at a time

Most of todayís coaches were athletes once, in a time when players got cut and only winners got trophies. These days, kids still play the games, but many parents take things much more seriously. (Photo by John Strickler/The Mercury; Illustration by Steven Moore)

Randy Reber has a coaching résumé that could be the envy of his peers.

Reber has won more than 400 games in his many years on the local basketball scene. His St. Pius X boys teams were regular contenders in the Pioneer Athletic Conference, and frequent champions in the District 1-AA playoffs. This past year, he brought the Phoenixville boys hoop program back to PAC-10 prominence by qualifying for the league’s Final Four Playoffs after a multi-year absence.

Given his pedigree, it might stand to reason Reber could go about his coaching chores without facing constant and critical feedback from the parents and fans of the players he oversees. Right?

Guess again.

“I’ve been trying to figure out why it happens,” Reber said. “I have almost 40 years coaching and playing in high school. When I was a player, the coach was an authority figure you looked up to, and parents supported the coach.”

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What Reber and countless other youth coaches face is a phenomenon described in some circles as “Little League Parent Syndrome.” It’s a turnabout from the traditional role of spectators as cheering on their favorite players and teams, evolving into the mindset of looking more toward individual players’ achievements than team success.

It’s something Tom Hontz has experienced in his 23 years heading Upper Perkiomen’s wrestling team — that after achieving success as a wrestler with Quakertown’s mat program in the early 1980s.

That body of work has secured his impending induction into the Southeast Pa. Wrestling Hall of Fame. But it hasn’t made Hontz immune to criticism from fans over the years.

“I can’t pinpoint when it changed. Maybe the last 10 years or so,” he said.

Rick Pennypacker is no stranger to the issue, either ... though not to the same extent as some coaches may face.

“There haven’t been many problems like that,” he said. “The dealings with parents have been minimal, and I’m proud of that.”

The highly successful longtime Pottsgrove football coach cites a strong, supportive chain of command within the district administration — superintendent, principal, athletic director — as a positive response. He notes how anyone with issues that should be addressed to him, but go first to one of the higher rungs in that ladder, are advised to see the coach first.

“It goes from the top down,” Pennypacker said. “When parents go above the coach, then you’re going to have problems. But we’ve been fortunate that hasn’t happened very often.”

And Ernie Quatrani, who logged more than 30 years heading both the Upper Perkiomen High and Perkiomen Post American Legion baseball programs, sees the increased level of parental interference working against the possibility youth coaches will stay involved in their sports for such a prolonged tenure.

“Nothing wears more on coaches than having parents get on them,” he said. “It drives people right out of coaching.”

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For coaches whose tenures span the current and past millenia — whose playing days harken back to the 1960s and 1970s, and even earlier — the change in the thought process is even more perplexing. Not just with spectator behavior in the stands, but the perception of youth sports as a whole.

“When I first played, people got cut,” Reber recalled. “You worked to get better. Now, there’s the evolution where every one plays.”

It’s a perception Pennypacker has had to address at various times over the years: Parents who feel their children should be getting more playing time than they did. His response to them is as honest as it is straightforward.

“I tell a parent if his or her son isn’t playing, it’s because he’s not one of the best players out there,” he said.

“That’s one of the hardest things for a parent to hear. Every parent thinks his kid is the best. That’s the way it is. When my kids played sports, I thought they were the best.”

Reber faced a particularly unique situation in that regard with his own sons, who played basketball at Pius during his time. Ryan Reber, who graduated from the school in 2001, and Ross Reber, a 2010 graduate, saw considerable amounts of game action during their scholastic careers.

“People took shots at me for that,” Randy recalled. “Frustrated parents attacked me for that. But the fact is, they were among the best players out there.”

Hontz experienced an extreme of that issue one season. It involved a team member who wanted to “wrestle off” for a lineup spot in the next match, but was told he couldn’t do so because he didn’t make the required weight in time.

It was reported the wrestler’s father threatened to bring a “posse” to that match and confront Hontz. But the situation was defused before it got out of hand.

“The funniest thing is, my approach is to go to people and ask why they feel like they do ... explain the logic, get out my side of the story,” Hontz said. “Sometimes it works, but for some people the bigger concern is how ‘Johnny’ is doing.”

“They’re not bad people. They just want so much for their kid. The desire for their kids’ achievements blinds them to common sense.”

Reber described a parent’s approach to the issue of playing time as coming to him “in attack mode” after a game.

“They’re putting their son or daughter ahead of the team,” he said. “You can tell when that happens, the player doesn’t have the toughness to do something about it.”

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The growth of AAU programs, camps and specialists in the various sports was cited as a contributing factor to the change in how youth sports are perceived.

“Parents send their kids to camps now, and pay money for them,” Reber said. “The people who run these camps will tell the parents their sons or daughters are good because they are getting paid to work with them.

“The people at these camps work with the kids a week or so. They don’t see them six days a week, like their coaches might.”

Hontz is seeing that in youth wrestling from a different perspective: As a parent whose son is participating in a program within the Spring-Ford community.

“The biggest problem is the emphasis on winning at the youth level,” he observed. “Some of the parents who get involved with it are fanatics.”

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Another issue for coaches is any tendency on the part of a parent, or parents, to talk negatively about a coach behind his back. Not just for the impact it has on the coach, but how the athletes react to it.

“One message I put out at the beginning of a year is, nothing tears a team apart like talking behind people’s backs,” Hontz said. “The part that breaks my heart is, the kids would probably tell their parents to stay out of it.

“They’re young men, and something like this embarrasses them. They have to grow up and make decisions.”

Quatrani sees it as somewhat of a self-esteem issue on the parents’ parts ... getting a boost from their children’s athletic endeavors. He didn’t recall seeing that as much from his players.

“The kids on the team have an objective viewpoint,” he said. “They know what’s going on, and they accept the answer you give them.”

Pennypacker has followed a similar tack in his 24 years at the helm of Pottsgrove’s football program.

“I’m honest with the parents and the kids,” he said. “One big thing with coaches today, they don’t know how to deal with parents. Coaches today need to educate and nurture parents, be up-front with them.”

To that end, he preaches the concept of “team” in everything the program does.

“That’s all we talk about ... first team, second team, scout teams. It’s all in the ways you present yourself. We’ve been successful doing that.

“The kids will hopefully buy into the team concept. We had a senior player this year who didn’t play much, but he epitomized the team concept in practice and at games. He got a team award for that.”

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Another area of disagreement centers around an athlete’s life after high school; specifically, taking his or her talents in a sport to the collegiate level. The perceptions of parents and coaches about the athlete’s capabilities to play at Division I, II or III can vary.

“Recruiting is one of the biggest problems,” Pennypacker said. “Parents always want to see their kids go to a college like Penn State or Notre Dame.”

“How many athletes have come out of the area as Division I players?” Reber added. “Most of them are Division III players. You’re not going to get athletic scholarships for that.”

Quatrani speaks on that matter with the insight of someone who has coaching experience at that level — in his case, with the St. Joseph’s University Division I baseball program.

“Some parents really don’t have any idea what a Division I athlete is like,” he said. “I know what a Division I player looks like. They’re the ones that get scholarships.”

Hontz, for his part, endeavors to gets the names of his wrestlers out at the collegiate level.

“There’s a lot of pressure for kids to want a college scholarship,” he said. “What I do is have an e-mail list of every Division I or II coach on the East Coast. That way, I have a clear conscience about it.”