Hillary Promises to Thank Bernie-Bots for Being “Useful Idiots”

PHILLY – In a move designed to bring unity to the party, Hillary Clinton’s campaign has leaked to the media that Mrs. Clinton does plan to at least thank Bernie Sanders’s supporters for serving as very dutiful “useful idiots” in her march to the presidency.

Early rumors were that Hillary planned to ignore the Bernie-bots, hoping they would go away. Since they won’t, she believes a quick thank you will go a long way toward healing the anger caused by email revelations that the game was rigged in her favor from the start.

Some thought ousted DNC beast Debbie Wasserman-Schultz might have been the source of the leak, but she’s still trying to untangle herself from all the strings she used to play puppet master in orchestrating Bernie Sanders’s political demise.

Hillary is grateful though. “I’m really blessed that our Party has so many ill-informed and gullible people in the under-50 age group. They played their role as my foil so enthusiastically, and that’s not easy to do. For them to make it look like they thought they had a chance really moved me.”

The Clinton campaign team, which has operated like a finely-tuned Yugo the entire campaign, said they could find no downside to the “useful idiot” strategy and vowed this would make the Democratic Party far more unified than the Republicans.