Erifia Apoc

No. I'm not Aayla Secura. I'm way too cool for that.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Acklay Hunt

Transmission Incoming: To any nearby Jedi or Republic officers, we are under attack *Weird Animal screams* We are on Felucia, and there are Acklay everywhere... The Republic has offered a $500 Credit a piece bounty on each Acklay.

Its transmissions like this that make me wonder if I am more of a bounty hunter than a spy. But its when I get stupid assignments that pay well, I realize that I am indeed a spy.

I weighed everything. It was given out by a clone commander. That means either Aayla abandoned them, or she was called away. I couldn't let them suffer. But I could be killed. I would probably die, because Acklay claws inflict as much damage as a lightsaber, but no matter what I've ever done, there was a high chance of dieing.

It would also give me chance to sell some of those bee stingers I have.

I accepted. Why not, if I am going to die, it might as well be on a jungle world.

I kicked in my ship's thrusters, and landed on Felucia. Yes, I actually landed, not crashed like everyone else. I leapt out of my ship, and locked it up.

I heard blasters being fired, and I rushed to them. There were half a dozen clone troopers trying to fight off three acklay, all of them back striding, and with amazing skill I may add.

I grabbed both of my lightsabers from my Lekkus and I extended them. The acklay's attention was turned to me, and as they all rushed to me, I leapt in the air and tossed a thermal detonator down.

"Run boys!"

They did as ordered, and I stayed in the air, just out of reach as the acklay tried to reach me.

With a large exposion, I was tossed from the air towards the troopers. They caught me.

"Who are you?" one asked.

"Erifia Apoc, I'm here to help."

"Thank the Force."

"Locate other members of your troop. We will go help them... You, go to my ship, its right over the hill, inside you'll see a bag of Kashyykian Bee Stingers, collect them and distrubute them to your more proficiant blade users."

"Yes General Apoc."

"I'm not a General, but thanks for the respect."

I walked forward.

"Miss Apoc, you've got part of our troop held in a tree nearby, 500 yards this way."

I ran, and I arrived at the base of the tree. I shoved my saber into the beast's stomach and it began to falter, and I leapt out as it fell.

The two clone troopers in the tree climbed down and helped me turn over the acklay, and I grabbed my saber.

"You see anyone else up there?"

"No."

They rejoined their troop, and in a moment there was another location.

"Northeast, Miss Apoc, there is a large group."

I leapt into the air, and leapt from tree to tree. Once overhead, I looked down, and there was a large number os troopers surronded by acklay, but they weren't attacking, they were waiting. I threw both of my sabers, and made them cut off the acklay's heads like scissors.

I fell to the floor, a bit tired, one trooper caught me.

"Thanks for the help Jedi."

"Anytime. Why weren't they attacking?"

"We don't know, it was as if they were waiting for something."

I kicked over a beast, and there was nothing unusual, however when I examined one of their heads, I saw what I was looking for... There was a wireless reciever attached to the base of their brain.

"Boys... I think we need to get out of here..."

"Why is that?"

"Because, they aren't wild anymore."

The troopers all seemed uneasy with my statement, thats when we heard about fifteen acklay all charging for us.

For those keeping track, here is what the Score stands:Erifia Apoc: 11 killsAcklay and their masters: 0 kills

The troopers could keep up with me, though I wasn't using the force, I was still impressed, once we made it to where the other troopers were, the troop was nearly complete.

"Miss Apoc, we've located the last trooper, and we are not leaving without him."

"Where is he?"

"Defending the ATTE."

"You guys have an ATTE?"

"Had. The Acklay detroyed the legs first."

"Where is the ATTE?"

"Northwest, 300 meters."

"I'll be back."

I rushed through the swampy underbelly, and leaping over logs, and ducking under branches. Finally I arrived at the ATTE.

There was were a few Acklay suronnding it, slowly crushing into it, staying right of range of the main cannon. I leapt on one's back, and punched the communicator, it then began to attack the other Acklay with me on its back, and I then shoved my saber through the base of its skull.

The clone trooper leapt out, he was the commander who sent for me.

"Your troop is over the hill."

"Lets go then!"

I grabbed him under the shoulders, and leapt from tree to tree, finally arriving with his troops.

"We owe you our lives Miss Apoc," The commander said after a quick reuniting.

"Its not a big deal, I was nearby, I'll tell you one thing, I don't want to be here anymore."

Friday, April 28, 2006

Back to Class

If you don't remember, I have to take a mandatory Class. Aayla is usually in the class, but she wasn't there when I arrived, and thankfully she didn't arrive when the professor did.

"Howdy ya'll," Obi-wan said.

I took a deep breath, I was prepared this time, I wouldn't let him affect me in such a way.

"Today I am gunna teach ya how ta' move small objects with the force."

*Deep Sigh* He's so intelligent... I shook it off. No, I said to myself, You'll not let him do this to you Erifia.

He really, honestly didn't have any idea what he was doing. At least, as far as teaching us. Unfortunately he had changed since he and I were both younger. But I saw past it. Underneath that exterior was the boy who I crushed on back in the day.

I sighed, again. I began to daydream, him and I killing droids on Genosis, him and I killing droids while having a picnic, him and I going for a long walk, and killing droids.

He smiled and countinued teaching class. After class, I ran out as fast as I can. At least Aayla wasn't there to hastle me. No-body else taking the class would have noticed, and Obi-Wan wasn't even beginning to think about it.

If you'll excuse me, I am going to run to my ship, like an embarassed little school-girl,

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Erifia Apoc vs. Aayla Secura

I was born on Ryloth. My mother died giving birth to me, and my father hated me more each day for it. Finally, rather than deal with a baby, he called a friend at the Jedi temple, lied about me being force sensitive, and the temple realized, I actually was. At the age of three, I began my training.

Guess who began her training at the age of six, when she should have, Aayla Secura. Naturally, I was the younger of the two twi'leks. She had to show her dominance over me. She started calling me nasty names like, "Tri'lek," and she made fun of me saying nasty things like, "Three lekkus still makes you dumb," and "Indigo is just a stupid mix of two colors, blue is everywhere."

I cried. A lot back then. I was three. Why was she being so mean to me? I had never done anything to her.

I never got a break, during playtime, she would take my toys, and all I could do was sit in the corner and play by myself.

It didn't get better. At six, and she was nine, I was the recluse. I spent time by myself, I studied on my own, played by myself. One day I was outside reading a book to myself, and she on a dare from the other girls, ran up and knocked the book out of my hands, and shoved me backwards to the ground.

She was older and bigger than me. I got to my feet, and I held myself steady. She unleashed a volley of punches and kicks, and I tried to absorb them all. I was told not to fight. My master told me not to fight.

At that point it was almost too late, I was hurt pretty bad, but I kicked her in the stomach, and brought my elbow to her face, and in a very dance like manuever landed, with grace and dignity next to her, as she fell to the ground crying.

I knew I would have a posse of girls beating on me the next day. I was hurt, really bad too... I began to cry. My master Gerith took me to my room, and excused me from my classes for the rest of the day.

If you'll excuse me, I really want to go punch something after the reflection I just had.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Blockage: The Verdict

I sat patiently... It was amazing how stupid I was being. All of the people in this court were clones, and I'm a Jedi. A Jedi who is very prone to Mind tricks... I hist my forhead, and my lekkus began to slap my back. Something they do when I don't use them (Lekkus contain part of my brain...) So I looked around, and the jury entered.

"Has the Jury found a verdict?"

"Guilty your honor..."

I was glad my lightsabers were attached as a headdressing to the end of my lekkus, they wouldn't know I had them. A chance to survive in the pits.

"Erifia Apoc, You've been found guilty of animal smuggling charges, and impersonating a fellow Jedi. On the charges of tauntaun endangerment you are found not guilty."

"What is my punishment your honor?"

"$50,000 credits fine or four years in prison."

I tried to contain my laughter. I did. My lekkus saw it coming so they all practically gagged me.

"M'll mamke mhe mine..."

"Okay, you'll pay $50,000 credits to me immeadiatly. And for future reference you can purchase an animal license for around $50 credits."

"Mmore monor, Mank moo."

I stood, and withdrew the credits and set them on his desk, and he signed a sheet saying I did, and I walked out of court... I broke out laughing, and even my lekkus danced... I began to spin and dance in joy, all the way to my ship.

It was very funny, because in my name, I've nearly $2,000,000 credits to my name. The beauty of Republic bounties on things I'm sent to hunt anyway.

I activated my ship. Flew to the local magistrate, and bought an animal license. Registered for a Tauntaun. I smiled and I ran to my ship again.

"Ship, Hoth! Ludacris Speed."

"I'm sorry Erifia, I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because there is a copyright enfringment, and besides, that's a different galaxy."

"What about Crazy-Speed?"

"That can be done."

I locked my seatbelts, and in a flash and about ten minutes, I was in Hoth's Orbit, and I flew down to the surface.

"Computer, scan for life-form previously on this ship."

"Put you're right here Erifia."

"I mean, the glitch lifeform."

With several beeps, I saw where it was. "To McDookus!"

I ran, and Tatooine was there drinking McDookus milk and eating their lichen salads.

"Tatooine, my baby!"

His head turned and he ran towards me.

*I interrupt this sappy moment so you don't think I've gone soft. Tatooine is my closest thing to family I've ever had. I now return you to the sappy scene you are about to witness.*

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Blockage: Court is now in Session

"Erifia Apoc, you have been found guilty with Smuggling Feral animals onto several worlds in which they don't belong, endangering a baby tauntaun, and impersonating a fellow Jedi. How do you plead?"

This was how my day started.

"Not Guilty your honor."

"Do you have a lawyer to represent you?"

"No, I will handle it myself."

"Good luck," replied the judge.

I felt a bit cheated, I did, the jury were clones, the judge was a clone, the prosecution was a clone. What could I do? Not much.

"Would the defense like to make an opening statement?"

"Ladie..." I coughed, "I mean Gentlemen of the Jury, I would like to prove to you, beyound a shadow of a doubt, that I am not guilty for any of the accusations levied against me."

"Does the defense rest?"

"Yes."

The clone-prosecution got up, smiled, and the jury went wild. This was going to be really bad.

"Defense. Call your first witness."

"I've none."

"Prosecution."

"I call, Erifia Apoc to the stand."

I knew it was going to happen, so I went up and sat down.

"Is it true you had a tauntaun on board your ship when you landed on Kamino?"

"Yes."

"For what reason did you have this tauntaun?"

"A wampa killed its mother, so I raising it as my own."

"Prove it."

"I can't."

"How did the baby tauntaun react in your presence?"

"I was his mother."

"So it came from you?"

"No, I raised him, as his mother."

"Have you impersonated Aayla Secura?"

"That depends."

"Depends?"

"Depends on if you mean, you all mistook me for her. I only used what your pitiful perceptions saw."

"Are you insulting this court?"

"This court insults itself."

"No further questions."

I went to my seat.

"Any further witnesses?" the clone-judge asked.

"Aayla Secura," replied the prosecution.

Naturally, Aayla was more than happy to prosecute me. She sat on the stand.

"Is it true that Erifia Apoc wants you dead?"

"Objection!" I screamed.

"On what grounds?"

"I have to have grounds? Crap... Proceed."

"Is it true Erifia Apoc wants you dead?"

"Yes."

The jury became silent.

"No further questions."

"Defense, your witness."

"Aayla Secura! Is it true that in the Jedi Temple, that you did everything in your power to make my life miserable?"

"No, I couldn't do something like that," she said sickly sweet.

"Aayla, is it true that you once stabbed me with a light dagger in the leg?"

"No, I don't remember it."

"Get out of here," I said.

She left with a smile on her face.

"Closing statements? Prosecution."

"The facts speak for themselves."

"Defense?"

"I wish to state, that though I did have a tauntaun, that I was caring for it as my own child, and though I have imperonated Aayla Secura, she deserved it because she's a mean cold hearted... woman..."

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Wookies and Bees

I was on my way towards Kamino and on my way I decided to stay the night with some wookies so I could get an early start in the morning after a fun night of partying after a battle.

It was morning, and I was awoken by several wookies running towards me, all screaming "Rrrrrghhhmeerrrrggg!" I spoke fluent wookie, but this was a new word to me.

I opened my quick translation book, and went to the Wookie to English section. Apparently Rrrrrghhhmeerrrrggg means Bee. I thought to myself, these are the guys who can rip a droid apart with their bare hands, survive a thermal detenator blast, and take about fifteen blaster shots. They are scared of a tiny little bee.

"You guys are babies!" I screamed at them as they ran past me, "Big babies!"

They all ran and hid behind me. It had to be quite a funny sight, to see nearly an army of wookie warriors hiding behind a lone female twi'lek.

"Okay! I'll squash it!"

I was a bit annoyed to say the least. I walked calmly to where all the wookies were running from, and surprisingly there were still more.

Once I was there I heard a buzzing and began to look for it around my head, and I didn't see it.

It did however get louder and it began to shake the shanty I was in, and I took a step outside, and I saw a bee about the size of the building I was in, with a stinger about twice as long as I was.

I began to laugh.

The bee, who took this as an insult, began to try and stab me. I withdrew a lightsaber and took off its tail. It looked really confused before flying off.

"See! You guys are a bunch of babies, it wasn't that big."

It was at that moment I realized how stupid I was for letting the large insect live. There was more buzzing, and probably twenty more came. *gulp*

"You could have mentioned that!" I screamed.

All of their stingers looked very sharp, and there was a flash of light on them.

"You know what, I'm not going to let you bees stop me."

I threw my lightsaber, and it swooped around and cut off all their stingers and came back to me.

"Leave me alone next time."

That was a little too easy, but I take victories where I can get them. Next time I will use giant bug spray, Tatooine Formula 1,457, 234, for those really nasty scorpions.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go make fun of some wookie sissies,

Hugs and kisses,Erifia Apoc

PS. I am selling giant bee stingers for $500 credits a piece, they make great blades, and are effective against Acklays.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Sleep deprivation

I'm a big girl, I truly am. I can stay up as late as I want. As often as I want to. But I am not insane. I cannot stay up for long periods of time without negative repercussions. The first thing that goes, is my scarcasm. The second thing that goes, is my perception of reality, and the third thing that happens, is the nightmares.

I'm going on hour 45. Deep breath...

I had only been watching for the droid commander for some time, my sources told me he would be on Naboo very soon, and I've had to wait for him. Since, apparently, I am the only good republic spy.

I am sitting at a table, in an all you can eat buffet, I've had a plate, and my cup is empty...

That's when I saw th Droid Commander, he was a human, and he looked tiny and geeky. I stood and realized, killing was wrong. What a good time to realize that. I ran towards him and force pushed him, sending him flying.

"Droids! Attack!"

There were about ten of them, they turned to me and held their blasters ready.

"Aren't you all just so cute," I said, "You're such sweeties."

The droids looked confused. They all rushed me and grabbed me, I tried to struggle to get away. But I couldn't.

They took me to their ship, and they ran me through a conveyor belt. Saw blades came towards my head, and I tried to fight my way out, when the tranquilizer hit me, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I felt weird, I felt cold, and emotionless. I was back to normal! That's when I realized, I looked down at my robotic arms, they had made me into a Jedi-Droid-Bot, and I was going to be used against the Jedi.

"Excuse me?" A woman's voice asked, "Would you like a refill?"

"Of oil, affirmitive," I replied...

Thats when I woke up...What was that? A nightmare... I've been up for so long, I can't tell anymore.

"Mam? Are you going to order?"

"What?"

"You came in, and sat down, and fell asleep."

"Are you real?" I asked.

"Yes, to the best of my knowledge."

"Good, than get away from me."

I saw the droid commander, I extended my lightsabers and charged in.

It feels good to have sleep.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to go end any chance of Jedi-Droid-Bots.

Friday, April 21, 2006

To Master Yoda

I went to Coruscant. I had heard terrible news. I didn't know what else to think or do, so I rushed right away. He had been like a second master to me. I was crying when I swept the little green man in my arms and hugged him tightly.

"Erifia, in your arms why am I?"

"Master Yoda, don't leave, there are so many padawans that need enlightened."

"Know this I do, decision am I, firm in."

"But Master Yoda, I looked up to you. You can't leave."

"Erifia, go, I must."

"But you're my inspiration, I want to be as old as you, although not green."

"What is wrong with being green, I ask?"

"I'm indigo," I replied.

"Erifia, go I must. as Annakin would put it, get your back no longer can I."

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Ennth is equal to but not equivalent to Boom

Okay, so I got a message from my computer saying that it was the annual blowing up of Ennth. Its not really what it sounds. What happens is the magma and volcanic pressure underneath the surface builds up due to lack of volcanoes on the planet. It then causes the planets crust to come apart, and it explodes, it reforms very quickly, and is back to normal, but I heard it was one of the most beautiful thing in the galaxy to see.

I had to go. It was that simple. I may or may not be able to see it again, but I had to see it this time, there was no question.

I let my space craft hover outside of the range of the eruptions and I made the ship prepare to take pictures which you are about to see.

So...

Without further ado...

Here it is.

Isn't it amazing. Imagine seeing it going on before your eyes.

The first picture is the beginning, the second is the further splitting of the crust, the third is the beginning of the explosion and the fourth is the aftermath. Now what will happen, is the gravity of the dense solid core will bring all of the magma and stone back, and it will reform.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Class

I was called back to Coruscant. Apparently, as a new rule or something all Jedi have to take a mandatory extra class at the temple.

Naturally I opted for something simple like Force Tricks 101. I would have to return and go to class every month, and the only reason I was able to do this, was because the Republic needs me out there.

I love that Chancellor Palpatine. Such a great man.

I landed my ship, and went down and into the temple. I sat down, there were several other Jedi in the room with me.

"You..." I said with a growl.

"Oh no you didn't," she rose and stood in front of me.

"I hate you, I can't take this class..."

"Do you know how many laws I've broken that I've had nothing to do with?"

"You'll get over it Aayla."

"No Erifia, I think its time we took this to an arena of some sort."

I brought my fist back...

"Ya'll fighting over bein' teachers pet?" Obi-Wan said.

I took a deep breath, and that's when Aayla struck me in the cheek.

"Now, now ya'll. Just go'an get in your seats."

I kneed her in the gut and went to my seat. She doubled over and went to her seat.

Home Again, Home Again; Leaving

I screamed at him, there were no words it was just an angry scream. I began to pace back and fourth clenching my fists. He stood. I shoved him back down into the chair.

"Just sit there!"

I finally stopped pacing.

"I'm all you have left!" I screamed at him.

"I never wanted you to begin with."

I looked at him. Tears flowing from my eyes. Drop by drop falling to the ground. I was so angry, so sad, and all I could think of was how much that hurt... I didn't even love him, and all of my strength that would usually save me from crying was shattered.

I turned and walked out the door, I yelled back some profanity, but it probably didn't sound as strong as I meant it to be because of me crying. I walked up the stairs and I scarcely made it to the top before falling in a heap of tears...

"I wanted you, if it matters," I heard from somewhere near me.

I sat up and I saw a near exact mirror image of myself.

"You're my..." I said softly.

"Mother, yes. And I would have died a thousand times if it meant having you. I've watched what you do, and you're an amazing person Erifia."

"But..." I reached for her, and my hand went through hers.

"I love you Erifia, and thank you for trying to bond with your father, it will never work..."

"I know but... I love you too..."

My mother reached her hands out, and touched my cheek, or didn't touch my cheek, and she smiled and she was gone.

I stood, stronger than a moment before and made it to my ship because I broke down and cried again. Of Course Tatooine cuddled up next to me, and the ship took off without me at its helm.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Home Again, Home Again: Droideka

I was sitting peacefully in my chair. Enjoying life, and relaxing after the huge meal I had. I heard a few clicks in the hall, and then footsteps, and in through my door rolled a droideka. It extended and brought it guns to me while putting up its sheild.

"Get out!" I yelled at it.

It took a step closer.

"You did not just bust into my room!" I stood and ran up to it, "Get out! Get out!"

It fired and it hit me in the side.

"What was that?! You did not," I took my hand and slapped its sheild breaking it, "Get out of my room!"

You've never seen fear in a droids eyes until you saw what I saw.

"Get! Get! Shoo! I'll really hurt you if you don't leave now!"

It began to back off.

"I said leave! Roll up in your ball and go before I get mad!"

It did and I kicked it out, I stood in the doorway.

"I'll kill you! Get out!"

It rolled down the hall and spun away as fast as it could possibly go.

I backed off into the room, and grasped my burning side and hole. A few tears rolled down my cheek."That really hurt," I said softly.

I sat back down, and closed my eyes and began to nap. Tomorrow I would face my father...

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Home Again, Home Again; Showdown with the Waitress

I'm on Ryloth. My father hates me. I hate my father. But I love my mother whom I never met before. I have a Tauntaun named Tatooine. As of now, I am rich, and I'm a jedi twi'lek, who is NOT Aayla Secura. Now you know my story up to now.

To get away from my father, and the troubles of my life, I decided to go and eat at an all you can eat buffet. For a twi'lek, I can really pack it down, let me tell you.

I sat, and the waitress asked what I would like to drink. A Koke, I tell her. She brings me a koke, and I go and get a plate. I sit down, and clean the plate, and drink half of my koke, she comes over and gets the plate, and asked if I want a refill.

"No. I do not."

She's a smart one, this waitress. Everyone knows for every time the waitress gets you a refill, her tip goes up. Lets say you order $100 credits worth of food. At normal tipping rate that is 15%, so it is $15 credits. Now, everytime she brings you a drink, you should in theory add $1 credit to the tip. So after the first refill, the tip goes to 16% which is $16 credits. So that's $116 credits for a meal, and a refill. So when you have a waitress who really wants credits, she will be back and fourth refilling your drink. I've heard of one horrible occasion where the tip was actually more than the actual meal!

So I went and got another plate, and I sat down and ate it. Thirsty afterwards I drink the rest of my koke. She comes right over, takes my plate and asks if I want a refill.

"No."

"But your glass is empty."

"No, there is ice in it."

"But..."

"No, thank you. I am not thirsty right now."

Now my dinner only came to $16 credits, actually $16.27 credits, Ryloth tax included which leaves her tip at $2.44 credits, as soon as she gets me a refill, which both her and I know, it goes to $2.60 credits, if I want a third, it goes up to $2.76 credits, so on, and so fourth.

So I stand and get another plate. I was dumb, and I grabbed some salty meat, and when I ate I was thirsty afterwards. I looked at my ice, which was scarcely melting at all.

I drank the few sweet drops, and there was the waitress when I put my cup down.

"Would you like a refill?"

"NO!" I screamed.

I went and got another plate, and ate, and was thirsty afterwards, I took a few drops from the cup.

"Refill?!"

"No!"

I ran and got another plate, fruit this time, and I ate it, and standing there when I was done.

"Refill on your koke?"

"Get away!"

I went and got another plate, and ate quickly....

"Refill?"

"No. N-O, No. Absolutely not, in this universe or any other, in any dimension, 2-d, 3-d, or even the obtuse possibility of 4-d. Not in Heaven or in Hell, Not on any planet in this galaxy do I want a refill."

I went and got ice-cream, it was hard to move, when I sat down, and finished the ice cream, there she was.

"Refill?"

I was beginning to wonder if it was worth the trouble. Was .16 credits worth this agrivation?

"No, I will be paying now."

She brought me my check, and I signed off to remove $16.27 from my account, and I left the waitress a $3 credit tip. If she had been more persistant, and actually taken the cup from me, it would have been more. But she certainly was annoying enough to earn the extra .56 credits.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Home again, Home again.

I hadn't been home for some time... I was due for a visit. My father hates me becauseA) I was a burden when I was younger.B) When he tried to get rid of me with the Jedi, I actually was a Jedi.C) My mother died in childbirth.

I am the cause of all his pain. He naturally after my mother's death, totally forgot I existed. Last time I visited him he had me evicted from his property.

I walked up on the front steps and began my slow trek up them. I never climbed them as a child, but I imagine they were very much like the steps of the ruined temples on Yavin 4. i finally arrived at the top of them, and I looked out and saw the sun.

I looked at the brightlands and saw only desert. I looked at the nightlands and saw the glowing plants. Amazing... I said softly. My father was a wealthy merchant. Retired now.

I knocked on the door, and a pretty twi'lek female answered."Out of my way," I said firmly.

"Who are you?" she asked with her nose up in the air.

"Erifia Apoc."

"He never said anything about a wife," she commented.

"Then he obviously didn't say anything about his daughter."

I shoved her out of the way and headed downwards. I arrived in the sitting room, and I sat across from him.

"You look like your mother," he said firmly.

"Last time I was here you spoke of how beautiful she was."

"What do you do?" he asked.

"I'm a Jedi Knight, a Republic Spy."

"Impressive."

"There's no need to be snippy."

"Do not talk back to your father."

"Some father, it was a mistake coming back here."

I stood and stormed out of the room. I turned and looked at him.

"You know what?!" I yelled, "I try! Once a year! Maybe you should do the same!"

I threw a bag of money to him, and it landed on his lap.

I walked out the door, and shoved the twi'lek aside again.

I got back to the top of the complex and I sat down, letting the sun caress my body and I began to sob and cry.

"Mother," I said softly, "I try... I try so hard..."

I felt a nuzzle at my arm... Through my tears I had to smile..."Tatooine... Its too dangerous for you to be out of the ship..."

I picked him up and laid him on my lap.

"I hate my father," Tatooine looked up at me, and his big eyes shown with a smile.

"I don't want to ever be like him."

Tatooine nuzzled my chin, and I smiled. I picked him up, and I walked to my ship, and set Tatooine down.

"Now stay... I have some buisness to take care of, okay baby?"

He laid down on his bed.

I walked down the nearest alley, and went into a bar. I would try again tomorrow, I ordered a drink, and a male Twi'lek came over.

"Hey baby girl..."

I sighed, "Yes?"

"You up for a date? You can give me your number, or I'll give you mine..."

Friday, April 07, 2006

Punishment 3: The Retaliation

The tauntauns were acting finicky when I came back, and then I saw him, the first wampa. He grabbed one. Instead of chasing and killing him, I followed him. He didn't see me in the snow. He led me towards a cave.

I followed, and once inside I heard several wampa growls. I followed him deep into the cave, and I smelled meat. There were four-score tauntauns gutted and hung for food storage.

I watched him. He hung it, and went down in the cave. I followed silently, being sure to make no noise. When I looked down, there were easily a hundred wampas, some sleeping, some awake. Non gaurding.

If these guys were anything like Wookies, this is going to be harder than I expected.

I extended my lightsaber, and all of them, sleeping or not, stood and charged to me, growling.

"I hate you!" I yelled as I ran into the group, and in slow motion moved around their claws, and dug into them all. I was too deep into Matricidal Rage to stop. They had killed my baby's mother, and it was time for them to die.

I spun in a circular motion, and cut into several, than one leapt towards my head, and I cut into him while spinning into the next. I jumped into the air up high, and grasped onto a stalagmite? Or a Stalagtite... One of those... Does it even really matter?

I cut into it, and it fell, and crushed several, as I leapt on top of it.

I threw both of my lightsabers, and kept them spinning and cutting beneath me on the ground level.

This was feeling good... I like this whole revenge thing.

I jumped down, and ran forward, slicing into a line... And there in front of me, was a huge Wampa, it was a she, I could tell. And As I was angry for them killing a tauntaun, I just killed all of her children.

She slammed her fist, and a lot of the pointy ice things on the ceiling fell down. It was all I could do to avoid it.

I leapt forward, and attempted to cut into her hide, with little or no effect.

I've got two words for you, Uh-Oh.

She sweapt her fist at me, and sent me flying into a nearby wall. I hit it, shattering some ice, and rolling down. *Crack*.

I don't know what it is about my life, am I glutton for punishment? I'm a good person, really. But it seems everyday, something worse than the last day happens to me.

I started thinking... I had no idea what I would do. Wow... Do I really sound that self centered to you, as I do to me? I... Eye! That's right! Eyes... And dodge.

Note to self, don't ponder while in a fight, or huge wampas will shatter the ice behind you, and fill the room with glass shards...

"I've got some laser eye surgery for you!"

I threw my sabers, and both of them went into the beasts' eyes, and she fell backwards.

There was a earthshattering shake, and as the cave ceiling collaspsed, I leapt on top of it, and went out. I headed for the McDookus.

Once there, I found my ship waiting for me. It apparently found the signal, and went to it.

I love AI.... I mean! Uhm! I love AI when its in my spaceship, and not in a droid.

There was also a health inspecotor there, and he told me I could not take Tatooine with me. He would have to stay here.

"But!"

"No buts, its a fine of 1,000,000$."

"Okay, I'll leave him here... For future refernce, my name is Aayla Secura."

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Punishment

Its cold. If there is one thing I hate more than Droids, its being cold. I am a Twi'lek. I like warm climates. I would have rather been sent to Tatooine... But no, I am on Hoth. Want to know what my mission is? I am to keep the Wampas from eating the Tauntauns. I definatly don't care. Wait, better yet, I could care less.

This is what happened. I got back to Coruscant and I was given the $1,000,000 credits. The Jedi Temple and the Republic decided to split it fifty-fifty. At that time, they both decided so I don't make them pay me such a large amount, I was to go to Hoth, so I.

A) Couldn't recieve anymore bounty messages.B) Would freeze my indigo body to a nice shade of red. (Don't ask me how it works like that.)C) I would possibly be killed by Wampas and the money would be split back to them.D) So I could be bored out of my mind.

Then they gave me a mission briefing...

"Erifia, this is a Wampa."

A wampa looks like an Albino Wookie, except with really sharp teeth.

"Erifia, this is a Tauntaun."

A tauntaun looks like a large bird, with soft cushy fur.

"Now, the Wampas have had an increase in population, and due to a unseasonably warm winter of -34 degrees."

"Joy," I said very annoyed.

"We need the Tauntauns, okay? They are excellent pack animals."

"Okay..."

"So the Wampas eat the Tauntauns."

"Right," I said rolling my eyes.

"You need to protect them."

"So, you are sending one of your best spies to go and protect these hairy birds."

"Erifia, you made a..."

"Pledge to the well being and will of the republic, and to uphold and protect those lesser than me in the Galaxy."

"Exactly."

"Whatev."

I stood and pushed open the door. I began to rush down the hall.

No. I am not a brat. But if you had my reputation, and frankly my body build, you would be ticked about going to a place like Hoth.

He kept walking. Didn't he realize? I know underneath that Cheetoh dust covered exterior, was the boy he was...

I sighed... I shook myself out of it.

The Commander ran up, "Erifia... I've just given an order for you, you are allowed to exterminate any and all wampas you see..."

I steadied myself, and let out another sigh."I don't need your order to do that, I was going to do that anyway."

"But."

"I'm going to Hoth. Just take yourself back to your room, and put the credits in my account. I am going to be counting each wampa I kill. And I'm not feeling in a real defensive mood. So I am going to attack."

...And since I've been here, I haven't seen a single Wampa or Tauntaun. All I've seen is snow, and cold. How long have I been here? Perhaps a week, maybe more.

Also, I'm out of food.

On top of that, my tent was covered in snow, and I can't find it.

What's this mean to you? There is going to be a red twi'lek real soon.

I began to walk aimlessly. I have no way to get off this planet. I just walked towards the snowdrift, and then to the next one, and then to next one.

The ground became nothing, and I fell straight down. I screamed. Its true, I did. And I screamed in pain when I hit the ground. But it wasn't that bad of a fall. Honestly.

I was in a cave with Tauntauns. They all looked scared at my presence... I felt heat. I removed my hood, and smiled.

They seemed at ease. Cutest animals I ever seen in my life. I noticed one was laying down, it was a she, and she was pregnant. The others were avoiding her. I looked and saw why. She had been cut up by a wampa...

Suddenly this whole mission struck home.

I helped her deliver, and through all the pain and stress, she passed. But the baby was fine. He looked up at me, and we met eyes...

"Awww...." I said softly, "You're so cute... I've got to give you a name."

I didn't know what to do, I had to feed it, and the others weren't helping... I wrapped it in my jacket and ran out in the snow. I had to find milk somewhere... And I realized how dumb it was as soon as I stepped out of the cave... But I could swear I saw something familar in the distance.

I ran towards it. I had to.

If you'll excuse me, I really have to take care of my little baby Tauntaun.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Back to work

{$1,000,000! I'll take you up on that, 0% chance of survival boys. -Erifia Apoc}

So, I have no idea where I am going, nor where this holo disk is... Good job Erifia, you promised yourself you'd wait for details next time.

I decided to check Mustafar first. I wrapped myself in Tin-Foil, and entered the CIS Droid Compound. They all started calling me unit #01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 01110100. No idea what they were saying. I resisted the urge to cut into them. I had to get the holo-disk. I infiltrated deep into their complex, and I found... Who Else but... General Grevious.

"Unit #01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 01110100! Where have you been?! I ha*cough cough cough*ve been waiting for *cough* you to get here... We are *cough* About to play *cough cough* Star Wars Monopoly."

I replied, "Beep, bop o poo bip."

"Good, *cough cough* Welcome to the game."

...Not again... I remember last time I played a game with him... Shiver.

I sat down, and rolled dice... Collected money, and glanced everywhere for the disk. I couldn't see it. Owned Property, and I put hotels on... I was kicking droid butt.

Then Grevious got ticked, and he screamed, and said, "Take this disk to *Cough cough* Headquaters!"

I grabbed the disk and walked out of the room, and once out, I lept on top of the complex, whistled for my ship, and took off...

0% chance of survival... Hmph. Whatever.

As soon as I was out of the atmosphere, there was a legion of ships, all floating around... And almost simultaniously, their blasters pointed to me...

*gulp*

I had already used my techno babble up for awhile, so the only thing I could do was call in..."*Cough* This is Grevious!" I said in a deeper more staticy voice, "Let me *Cough* Pass."

Over the intercom I heard, "Unit #01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 01110100! Quit playing around! Take the disk to Genosis, and nice ship by the way, where'd you get it."

"Beep boop?"

"Good boy... Go ahead by."

After I kicked it into lightspeed heading for Coruscant, I screamed, "I HATE DROIDS!"

Monday, April 03, 2006

Droid Invasion: The Day After

What a week... Not only had I fought off a thousand *crack* droids with one leg, and half a lightsaber. *Crack crack* I was captured, and escaped with only the power of my right pinky. I fought Grevious, and kicked his *crack* butt. *Craaack* I saved myself from a fiery burning death by expending all of my techno-babble for a whole week *crack*. I then decided to treat myself *crack crack* to some spa treatment.

That and I had recieved a large fund from all the droids I smashed on my way out of the ship. *Crack*. Right now I am laying down, and getting a back massage by a true artist. *Crack.*

I already have gotten a facial, had my nails done, and relaxed in a mud bath. I even had those little vegetable rings put over my eyes. After the wonderful massage, I am getting into the hottub, then I am going to go to my really expensive presidential suite, and take a nice long nap, only to wake up to a meal fit for a Hutt ruling a desert planet. By Desert, I mean Dessert. I want some choclate.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Droid Invasion: Conclusion

So, when you last left me, I was about to die in a fiery ball. No. I still have way too many droids to kill, and way too many people to tell I'm not Aayla Secura.

I kicked in the reverse thrusters, dropped my hand down on the Gregorian Channler, and kicked in the Chamber Michotriack. After that, I hit the Bachanese counter theory of malevolance button, and kicked in the Cervant Estira stabilization sequence. Then I hit the red button, and fired my lasers to slow my descent.

Having used all of my techno-babble up to save myself, I landed with a hard crash. I quickly exited the bomber, and ran as it exploded behind me.

I took a deep breath... It was nice to breath in the... *cough cough*... Smog of the world of Mygeeto.

I need advil... Three tablets. I need a full body massage. Some hottubbing. Yeah... How come every day of my life is some horrible comedy?

If you'll excuse me, its time to go back to Naboo, becuase I wanted to, Frankly I don't want to stay,

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Droid Invasion: Part 3

Right...Grevious, challenging me to a lightsaber duel. I don't have my lightsabers, but they are sitting on a table. I am on a CIS cruiser. In space. Okay, I'm going to die.

I called my lightsabers. I extended both of them. He opened all of his arms, and he had several lightsabers, by several I mean, double what I was using.

I swung up, and well, he blocked. He brought his arm down and tried to take off my hand."NO!" I yelled, "You may take every Jedi's arms in the galaxy, but you'll not take mine!"I have to say, too many Jedi have lost their hands.

I decided to avoid the crazy four armed freak, and I went for the exit, cutting into droids, and cutting my way through doors. Fourtinatly for me, all the droids liked to stand in lines, so as I ran down the hall, I just left my blade out and it cut through them all.

I found the droid hanger and jumped into a CIS Bomber, Take that Kristina, just because you can't drive one, doesn't mean I can't. (Its a long story, and lets just say, Kristina definatly didn't know how to pilot a droid bomber.

I kicked in the thrusters, and went into the atmosphere, and my shields stopped. It was getting very hot...

Star Wars and all related characters are trademarks of Lucasfilm Ltd. This site is intended as a parody. As such, use of copyrighted and trademarked images is allowed under Fair Use. Erifia Apoc, Becca the Magnificant and Tatooine the Tauntaun, are all characters made by the author, using some Lucasfilm Ltd. Ideas.