High Priest of Onionism

Posts:21,045

Large amounts of fun were had yesterday, although we only played a prebuilt module, and sui was notable by his absence.

The future looks surprisingly bright in the grim darkness jolly galaxy of the future distant past. Mr_Fil's promised a homebrew adventure for next Sunday, and we had the foresight to keep an NPC with us, so if someone were to jump into the campaign midway through, there is an opening.

Ivan the Space Biker's Personal Aid

Posts:6,980

Large amounts of fun were had yesterday, although we only played a prebuilt module, and sui was notable by his absence.

The future looks surprisingly bright in the grim darkness jolly galaxy of the future distant past. Mr_Fil's promised a homebrew adventure for next Sunday, and we had the foresight to keep an NPC with us, so if someone were to jump into the campaign midway through, there is an opening.

Yup, real life is destroying my gaming life. I should consider divorcing waifu, quitting my job and living on the street next to a Jack in the Box with free wifi.

High Priest of Onionism

Posts:21,045

After two weeks of awaitenment, we return to the adventures of Mathus and Ró, and why not, let's retcon CCPP in there as well.

Approaching the city-planet Taris, Ró contacts the republic/resistance/rebels' landing tower 327, and CCPP takes the controls, goes in for an approach...and lands on platform 1138.
stormtroopers surround us, and our piece of crap quadjumper ship having no shields, well we can't really take off again.
We manage to bullshit our way through to the officer in charge and tell him that CCPP here was he new droid reinforcements and Ró ther doctor was his "handler", a doctor in charge of making sure CCPP's (how stupid can imperials be, haha!).
teetering between panic and confusion, our so-far-not-so-heroic-heroes play along and go to the armory as instructed, where they spend and agonisingly long time trying to find an escape, which, surprisingly enough, came in the form of looney tunes logic. We yelled OH MY GOD!! LOOK OVER THERE!", stabbed an imperial officer in the neck, and stole a TIE fighter.

Turns out, that TIE was experimental, and unreleased (like steam early access, but less buggy) and when we shot backwards, just out of principle, because that's what you do when you escape from a base, we apparently hit that ammo depot room we flew out from, because that entire base to smithereens.

After a few times more getting lost, we finally got in touch with the rebel tower. Well how were we supposed to know that the planet was both rebel AND imperial? nobody told us that!

After many emotions, we land in the rebel hangar, and feel a huge wave of relief wash over us. A mechanic runs towards us nd almost pees his pants we're so cool, yes, we did just blow up that imperial base, and yes, it was totally on purpose, and this experimental TIE-fighter? well yes, we totally knew it was worth stealing, and really wasn't a life or death gamble
That is, until the so-called commander shows up, some sort of...female human, I forget the technical term (we're playing a star wars RPG, we've never seen a woman before). Her name is Brynn, she's like on her period or something AMIRITE? ...*tumbleweed*...anyways, she's not too happy with us, despite us finding incredibly rare and vluable plans about imperial troops movements, blowing up an imperial base AND stealing an experimental TIE fighter, she's all bitch y because we may or may not have lost one of our datapads, with the incredibly important information on it.

We brought the information to the rebellion, we had some adventures, isn't that enough?
Apparently not.

OK, ma'am, we'll go back and check (...bitch!)
We take our new buddy Dep Snortrip with us as our pilot to find out old crappy ship.
Oh it's right where we left it, and it's not exploded, which is a slight inconvenience, because we hoped our lost data would have been ion the sip, so the empire didn't know that we knew that they knew that we knew.

As soon as we land our new navette on the flimsy landing pad suspended in mid-air, next to the almost entirely destroyed imperial base, the droid we decide to call robocop from now on (because who are we kidding) started to run towards a shadowy figure running away from our old ship; while the medical doctor Ró looked for his datapad with the secret plans in the ship.
Super pissed off at not finding the plans, Ró Follows his companion, but, as the saying goes "DAMMIT JIM, I'm a doctor, not an acrobat!", he falls to his death...until robocop remembers he's also spiderbotcop (???) and shoots a length of rope from his wrist, catching Ró mid-fall.
After a few more jumps and falls, both having ecaped death several times, and getting noc loser to catching the mysterious shadowy figure of darkness, whom we don't even know if he has anything to do with anything, we're in the rubble of a base we jsut blew up...he may just be some mirror's edge kid.

After having burned the last of his patience trying to stay alive while running after a FUCKING IPAD; RÒ FUCKING PUNCHES THAT BITCH REBEL COMMANDER BRYNN IN THE FACE.

Unsurprisingly, after that outburst, and robocop being as stoic as ever, we did not part on the best of terms.

High Priest of Onionism

Posts:21,045

Actually it was a filler adventure (which doesn't mean we didn't have lots of fun), next time, next year we'll ge our real adventuring going. Mathus and Nysha will have their own little sidequest and then we can blast off into the sunset. Also sui role-plays robocop to a tee.

High Priest of Onionism

Posts:21,045

Ah, 1st adventure of 2017, and for the first time, everyone was there in their proper roles.

Last time, while Ró Jen and Robocop were busy infiltrating and blowing up an imperial base on planet Taris, Mathus snuck out of the ship becore they could capture him and got into some mild trouble with a bar owner. Notably, he also did not eat a fish (I know, it sounds weird, but it almost made sense in context). Getting entangled in mild hi-jinks, Mathus won a swoop bike race, and in the process, ran over a high ranking imperial officer, medium-sized-Moff Skuthas!

He was generously thanked by the rebellion for aiding in the capture of Skuthas, but also made a lifelong enemy.

The entire gang met up in the rebel base and were offered their very own ship: a YT-2400 Corellian light freighter (like the millennium falcon, but less cool but also less junk). They christened it, the Ooutlander.

Just as they flew off into space towards more adventures, Mathus got a call from some jackass in his backstory, but he didn't take the bait...he ran away from his past life for a reason, dammit. Even if that reason was pre-scripted.

Instead, our heroes took a small job from their buddy Dep Snortrip, rebel mechanic and Ró Jen's new long-distance best buddy, to explore...
THE UNKNOWN REGIONS! dun du duuun.

After picking one of the provided coordinates at random, they jumped to a mysterious world. A world torn by an incessant civil war. A war with origins so ancient than nobody could remember them. A planet with two names, because nobody could agree even to that. Yes, a generic Sci-fi trope planet!
Planet Altiria/Anarris.

Well, we had to look for signs of imperial activity, and that meant talking with people on the ground, and that meant choosing a side. So we went alphabetically.

The Altiri (species name) are a blue-skinned backwards bunch. Since nobody on this force-forsaken rock has access to FTL travel, trade is limited, and their technology is pathetically outdated. We took a few steps around the trading area in the spaceport, and were quite surprised to find natives trading highly peculiar jedi artefacts, such as robes and even a broken lightsaber, without having any clue as to their function or origin.

Mathus being the tech-geek that he is managed to bamboozle a shop-keep and snag the lightsaber, which we took back to our ship for study and a quiet place to talk.
Little did we know, a street urchin had climbed onto our ship and was in the middle of raiding our food supplies. *sigh* well these things happen. We managed to easily befriend him with a few well placed candy bar bribes, and he told us that he had indeed seen "white skins" a few months ago. Since interplanetary travel is relatively rare on this planet, we figured that "white skins" just meant...well...Caucasian humans.
Little did we know these blue skins are a bunch of morons. They literally meant storm troopers, white skins, because of the uniform.

After a short deliberation, it was decided for us to go talk to someone in government, to see how far this imperial infiltration had gone, so while that little ragamuffin snuck out and ran away, we made our way to the...

HALT! PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS!

*sigh*, Well I guess we had to find a fight somehow. These militiamen would pose no trouble, with their pathetically antiquated slug throwers. Still, Ró Jen is not one for violence, so he managed to sweet talk these goons and persuade them that NO, we didn't kidnap any crown prince, NO we won't surrender our weapons, but YES, take us to your leader.

So, to our amazement, we were brought in for an audience with the king of half this planet, accusing us of kidnapping his son. Tired of these NPC interactions going nowhere, we quickly saw through the charade, nobody could be dumb enough to believe we'd kidnapped anyone, we have had no motives nor opportunity, that street urchin had clearly snuck into our ship because SOMEONE for got to lock it...So, your kingliness, what's the dealie, yo?

Thanks to our overwhelming charm, the king opened up to us, and told us that "white skins" and jedi had held operations on this planet several decades ago (during the clone wars era), but nowadays the white skins didn't seem to nice anymore (imperial and remnant era), so they didn't want anything to do with them.

Well that's good, one faction on this planet at civil war is not interested in dealing with imperials, by the laws of fiction, that must mean the other faction, the Anarris (some sort of furry klingons) are deep into it.

Next time, we will have to find Krassus, the dark hooded imperial figure the king told us about. He's the one trying to infiltrate this planet, and does sound like a recurring shadowy presence in our near future...

High Priest of Onionism

Posts:21,045

Sui: "Let's start 3 hours early next time! That way I can play before the wife wakes up" (California, UTC-7)Brumi: "7 PM instead of 10, sounds like a plan" (Finland, UTC+2)Inim: "uuuuhhh, how about 2 hours earlier, I don't want star wars to be the 1st thing I do when I wake up" (California, UTC-7)
AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaannnnd sui decided to get laid instead of playing and RPG with us...stereotypes are a cruel mistress.

We knew we were going to meet the Annari, aka klingons, today, so we'd made the plan in advance, Robocop would Go in first, make a show of strength, be a badass, impress those puny tribal beasts with a badass attitude.

Well there goes our plan...Robocop was "down for routine maintenance", so fuck it, plan B...can't think of a plan B

"Can I, like...build a remote control for robocop?" asks Mathus (Inimitable) of the gods (Mr_filament)
*roll*
Success! The day is saved. This remote control, it has one big button, it says "control" (this was the alpha version, later it was made into an app you can have on your space-tablet)

We navigate to and triumphantly land on a tiny island, equidistant from both continents, both continents which have been in a xenophobic murderous war for millennia. Ready to meet the peace delegation from Annari/kingons.

The platform opens, Robocop, (100% controlled by our young engineer Mathus) makes a triumphant exit from the ship, we popped a few more smokes, make his appearance even grander, MWahahaha, look how badass we are!

To our mild dismay, we were not greeted by a klingon ambassador for peace, but some blue-skinned doctor. Uh, what?...We just left the place of the blue people!? (note, altiri/annari...Brumi and Inim had actually gotten confused, and for 10 minutes, thought they were in fact talking to the annari/klingons)
After being very confused about the civilised and non-threatening tone, and remembering that having robocop try to have a conversations with sapient beings was a mistake:

-HELLO
-Welcome to our base, we have quite the
-AFFIRMATIVE! I AM ROBOCOP! YOU-YOU-Y-Y-YOUR MOVE CREEP!

Ró Jen, as the diplomat of the group, decide to take negotiations into his own hands once again.
Yes, I am a doctor, and yes, you can call me doctor, and...this is not like the united nations I was imagining. I was told about a project for peace, on a small island equidistant of both continents...this...looks like a prison, with hints of hospital, like a crude version of a ...oh shit...no, really? Now, I'm not a racist, but these blue-skins, they are morons, AND now I find out they are assholes too.

...I was expecting the UN. I still thought about that as we went deeper and deeper into this prison colony/experimental warfare bullshittery...to think I foresaw the klingons as the assholes of this war. "This is our 'solution for peace'", he said, yes solution because airborne chemical, a chemical solution, very clever pun, except solutions are in liquid, and aerosols are....nevermind. these people are assholes.
Basically, The blue-skinned assholes had developed a a chemical weapon that shuts down the pre-frontal cortex, and renders any klingon docile and dumb, like a dog. And here I thought this was a CIVIL war.

Still, trapped in the deepest confines of this experimental prison-base...it's not like we could reap heavenly vengeance on these war criminals. Yes, huh huh, totally, good idea, ah...ah...yes, very good, uh huh. We agreed to deliver canisters of this atrocious bio-weapon to their agents deep in Klingon territory. final solutions, you say? yees, quite, very good, uh huh.
Yes, quite,. good times, yes, quite, yes, very much, good, ciao! Yes, you'll pay us in much goods and stuff, ahaha, yes, good (Jesus Christ. I MEAN...Anakin Skywalker! let's GTFO this island of madmen ASAP!!)

We take the weapons of mass destruction we're supposed to deliver and drop them into the ocean as soon as we're out of sight... Anakin...what the Kriff. Moral objections aside, getting paid with "precious artefacts" on this backwater planet...well they did have jedi relics from...and then we dropped biological weapons into the ocean.

that's one plot thread taken care of, now to make contact with the klingo- *SUDDENLY YOU FAIL A PILOTING CHECK AND ARE SHOT DOWN BY AN AA CANNON*
...well poop.

After a short transoceanic flight, we gently crash into an open field.

*Lucas fade transition*

Gronk no like patrol duty, much walking, not much fun, but sometimes stabby stabby. Gronk like his new long-stab. Whiteskin visitor call it "E-11 standard stormtrooper issue light blaster", but gronk prefer call it longpew, make pew pew noise and go long away, stab long.
Gronk follow orders, Gronk good soldier, WHAT THAT IS? Big thing fally from sky!
Gronk go use longpew on sky chariot!! Space chariot stuck in num num field, it look not nice, we shoot!

A loud amplified voice i heard: "Pitiful barbarians, bow down to our superior technology or die!"

As pitiful as the Klingon attack was on our ship, it wasn't as pitiful as the face of the one who greeted us as we walked out the ramp. Yes, we'd shot most of them with ship-to-ship calibre weaponry, and over half of them were dead. Yes they were poor uneducated barbarians, but hey...they started it, and they shot us down by luck!

TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER! we said through Robocop! Gotta say, Robocop was more imposing than ever. Gleaming silver, manly and robotic, nobody on this planet had ever seen anything of the sort. The Klingon we decided to call "he-who-shit-his-pants" worshipped us as the gods we were.

Take us to his leader he did. We expected a thatched roof hut, but were brought to a relatively imposing palace, which probably took several decades of slave labour to awkwardly construct. Not even the galaxy's best architect could have brought beauty to this brutalist affront to elegance. A klingon palace if there ever was one.

"You're the boss around here, eh? Well bow before us, for we are superior gods than the whiteskins who came before us!" (Trying to trick the obvious bestial moron into giving us whatever we wan, and also renouncing imperial control).
To be fair, were quite imposing, and the """emperor""" was impressed, but he didn't believe in our divine right. Well how about that, the first non-idiot on this whole planet!...Or so we thought.

GUARDS!

Four doors opened in the throne room's walls, showing warriors of the mediumest calibre, armed with the mediumest weapons money could afford. And to be fair, we had screwed the pooch, we were very much surprised by this turn of events. Nevertheless, despite Mathus trying to take the coward's way out, tripping and falling on his belly, Ró obliterated one of the soldiers with a grenade, Robocop's autofire erased another from existence, and the last two were also dispatched faster than you could imagine.

Tomorrow, part 2 of the retelling of what happened today. This post is already much longer than it should be.