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Too dark

The feelings that you have on your own in your head, that kind which hardly explain to anyone. Which also you, yourself don’t understand. Late night thoughts kills time, messing up your sleeping pattern and also your emotion. How amazing it is that these thoughts could create a black hole to your relationship and friendship too. Mind you that what you think is what you want things to happen, as bad as it can be but you tried to find out the solution to it. Funny how you make things up in your head and it ended up being your problems. Thus the problem is not actually there, it’s in your head, just in there.

I have fought myself for a very long period of time, regarding range of things involving my relationships with others. How it bothers me that I should have done better, I should have been there, I should have be the one, yes that I should have thoughts. Sometimes I do feel like I am not good enough as a friend, or a partner. I did what I have to do, with my best. As always you can never make everyone happy, can’t ever reach their expectation, can never be their first priority and such.

This is too dark, back there it was dark, I was alone despite how many time I tried to reach out and got rejected due to the fact that I am not in the level of normal in their eye or by the society itself. Unfair isn’t it? Bound by how we must have to obey the rules, follow the point of view and stay where you are, don’t even dare to change or else it will messed up the charts.

That stage, of being a teenager is more than enough. Had enough, and I’m leaving it. One should understand that no matter how much you understand someone, no matter how much you care about it, as stubborn it could be they will never believe you. Hardly do, just play with your role. But even if they do, your advice is nothing but words to them. Yes people may use you as they please, may play around with you when they need someone to. Not that they need you, just want the feelings you make, that they crave.