Friday, October 14, 2016

Pheaturing Shirley Crabbe

Hey kids, welcome to the Phile for a Friday. So, do you know what today is? It's the 29th anniversary of when my parents, my sisters and I moved back to America. And I ain't leaving, people. Unless Trump becomes President. Like that's gonna happen. EVERYONE STAY CALM. The newest trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story was released yesterday. It's was a beautiful day in the galaxy. Rogue One is the first in a series of Star Wars standalone films. That means it's not a direct continuation of the narrative involving Luke Skywalker and company, but is a different story from the same universe. The film takes place in between Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Episode IV: A New Hope on the Star Wars timeline. The story is about the Rebel Alliance's attempt to steal the plans to the first Death Star (an event that was referenced in A New Hope). Plus, it's continuing the recent trend of badass female leads in Star Wars films. In other words, it's going to be awesome. Rogue One comes to theaters on December 16th. What do you mean we have to wait two more months?! I have to say congrats to Bob Dylan. If you didn't know, yesterday it was announced that Bob Dylan won the freakin' Nobel Prize for Literature, showing how chill the Nobel committee is as the times are indeed a'changin. When I first saw Dylan was trending I thought to myself "oh, no. Not another one."A study out of the University of Surrey found that sexist jokes can work to normalize sexism, taking them in rather than fully laughing them off. Three new studies on the link between men's magazines (or "lads' mags," as they call them out in Surrey) and an acceptance of bias against women. It appears that by consuming sexist humor, the men feel lest hostile towards sexist behavior. Sadly, there is no such thing as "just a joke," because according to the social psychologists, jokes make many bros feel okay with the realities behind them.The lead author of the study, Professor Peter Hargerty (A man, so you can know it's legit, bros) said that the anti-woman humor found in men's magazines " can shape the expression of a prejudice that is generally considered unacceptable in an egalitarian society." It took the researchers explicitly comparing the jokes made in men's magazines to quotes by convicted rapists to make dudes see why such literature could be bad. As Presidential Candidate Donald Trump attempts to brush off his disgusting comments about women as jokes or locker room talk, men might be seeing it and thinking it's okay now.California winemakers think they finally found a way to make wine even better. Weed wine, which connoisseurs... likely in a haze of weed smoke and wine vapors... have apparently decided to call Canna Vine, is being produced commercially at last. While this might sound great, there are several unfortunate downsides at this current moment of Canna Vine history. First, it's expensive. Elite Daily reports that half a bottle will cost between $120 and $400. Second, it's illegal almost everywhere. Not just in those states that have yet to make marijuana legal, but in weed-liberated Washington, Oregon, and Colorado as well. Those states do not allow sellers to combine alcohol and pot. If you want weed wine in those states, you'd have to go to the trouble of infusing the wine yourself, with a technique called "doing both at the same time."Lastly, the one place that weed wine's allowed, California, will require you to have a medical marijuana license to purchase it. Here's the upside: people might now have to brainstorm a medical condition that requires them to get simultaneously drunk and high to cure it. Where will they turn for inspiration?Hey, do you know who Ken Bone is? If you don't, I'll tell you. Ken Bone is an energy voter. Ken Bone had questions at the second debate for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton about the candidates' energy policy plans. Ken Bone had a sweater and a mustache and a name that made one thing certain: the Internet loved him immediately. There is now a sexy Ken Bone Halloween costume available on Yandy.com—technically, it's called the "Sexy Undecided Voter" costume, but we would know that red cardigan and mustache anywhere. So everyone can relax and stop worrying about choosing a costume this year, because unlike Ken Bone, it's decided.

Bone's now iconic red cardigan and white collared shirt have been transformed into a crop top, complete with black glasses, a mustache and, of course, a microphone. All this will leave you short $100, which is a small price to pay to look like a bangable Ken Bone in a sea of regular Ken Bones at your Halloween party.With reports of creepy clowns (well, that's redundant) luring kids into the woods, America is engaged in anti-clown hysteria. McDonald's well-meaning mascot Ronald McDonald has been sworn to make few public appearances until the people start Lovin' It again. As reported by NBC Connecticut, Mickey D's corporate will be "thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald's participation in community events" as a result of the "current climate around clown sightings in communities." Way to read the room, Ron. While for many, "clown sightings" have never been particularly pleasant (you can never know how many fellow clowns came with them in the car!), the terror of a sinister harlequin could be eased with a good Happy Meal.Halloween is just around the corner and there's already a few costumes I am sick of seeing already. Like the (sexy) Hillary Clinton (in jail) costume.

Donald Trump got 13 million votes in the primary, so you know at least half those people will grab a wig and an orange jump suit and ruin the holiday for their children. Man, this time of year everything is pumpkin flavored... or has pumpkin in it. Look at this...

When I saw Bone I thought he looked familiar, and then it hit me. Do you think he's aware of his fifteen minutes of fame?

He's aware. With the new Star Wars movie coming out soon, and the election happening even sooner Disney has released a new poster featuring the two main villains...

Hahahaha. There's a brand new Oreo flavor that just came out for Halloween and to cash in on this whole scary clown business.

I bet I know someone who would like these. So, did you see Hillary Clinton's Monica Lewinsky impression?

Hahahahaha. That makes me laugh every time. Trump has his own stupid person trick...

I told you before CNN's graphic department has been trolling Trump, and doing a really good job. This is 100% real...

And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Ways That Billy Bush Celebrated His Birthday Yesterday5. The same thing he's been doing since Friday: slowly rocking back and forth in bed with the covers pulled over his head.4. Wishing someone, anyone, would take him furniture shopping.3. Searching job sites for any openings in the "Vapid, Grinning Sycophant Industry."2. Interviewing himself in the mirror, asking, "So, what's next for Billy Bush?" in an increasingly hysterical voice.
And the number one way Billy Bush celebrated his birthday...1. Visiting local locker rooms for some invigorating, much-needed "banter."

This is a really hard one. If you spot it, let me know. Okay, well, it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Jeff: Always glad to be back on the Phile for some Phootball Talk. Yup. we are entering week six of this season.

Me: How have you been this week?

Jeff: I 'm doing okay, I suppose. I'm in the process of editing my book right now.

Me: I will not say anything about the Giants loosing badly to the Green Bay Packers. Did you see that game?

Jeff: No, I didn't see the game. I did see the Steeler game though. They won. I'd say I'm sorry your team lost, but it allows me to gain on you. More on that a little later.

Me: Alright, so, what's the NFL news this week?

Jeff: Another big name out for the season, this time Texans player J.J. Watt. We saw the return of Tom Brady as he torched the Browns. Two of the three teams that entered the week undefeated lost, with the exception being the Minnesota Vikings.

Me: So, what's this story that Colin Kaepernick saying he will take a knee on every play in protest? What the hell?

Jeff: I had not heard that Kaepernick said he would take a knee every play. That truly makes no sense, especially since the 49ers said they would start him this week. He LITERALLY can't take a knee every play.

Me: Teams who play the 49ers should play the National Anthem on 3rd downs. Hahaha. So, have you heard bandwagon Panther fans could be meeting with new teams as early as today?

Jeff: I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by fans are meeting with other teams? They jumping ship and auditioning to root for other teams? That's sad. You gotta be a fan for life, no matter how good or bad your team is. That's pathetic.

Me: I was kidding. Seriously, did you hear that the Redskins owner sent planes full of supplies and players to Haiti and the Bahamas after Hurricane Matthew? I think that's pretty cool.

Jeff: That is pretty cool of the Redskins owner Daniel Snyder to do that. I don't know that players went since they do have to get ready for football this week. Unless they have a bye week which is a possibility. And a quick check of the schedule, nope. They are home against Philadelphia in week 6.

Me: Okay, Jeff, let's get down to business. How did we do last week? I was ahead by three...

Jeff: As we discussed my team won, your team didn't. I had my 2nd straight 2-0 week while you went 1-1 for the second straight week. So because the Steelers number of wins, we are now tied in points, though you have the advantage by having an overall better record than I do.

Me: Ugh! Double ugh! Let's do this week's picks. I say the Eagles will beat the Redskins by 1 and the Titans will beat the Browns by 5. What do you say?

Jeff: I'm going with the Rams over Lions by 7 and Bills by 3 over 49ers.

Me: Okay, before I let you go I have one more question. Wearing my U shirt... University of Miami, I was wondering... do you think currently any college team could beat an NFL team in a game? I say yes.Jeff: That's a tough question. I would say yes as well. There's really only one NFL team I could really see get beaten, that being the Browns. They would probably lose to a top 5 team in the college ranking.

Me: That's fair. Haha. Poor Browns. Alright, I will see you hear back not this Sunday but next Sunday. Take care.

Jeff: Sounds good. Have a good one.

He gives zero fucks. Okay, I feel old most of the time, and that is because I am old. But I'm not as old as someone else I know. He is so old, when he tells a joke no one understands him. But he's funny. So, once in awhile I like to invite him onto the Phile with a joke that you won't understand, but I can translate for you. So, please welcome to the Phile once again...

Me: Hello, Alan, welcome to the Phile once again. So, you have a new joke for us?

Alan: Yessir. Farmer Read-ng passing over his grounds one night, at Little-Holland-House, near Kensington, catch'd a gentleman and a lady, against a five-bar gate, in the act of vitiation; and calling out to know their business there, at that late season, the gentleman made answer, that they were only going to PROP-A-GATE.

Me: Hahaha. I love a good dad joke. Okay, what Alan said was a couple gets frisky next to a gate in a field when a farmer walks up and says, "Yo, you dudes getting all gropey near my gate. What are you doing here?" The guy replies, "We're only going to propagate." Like prop the gate up. But also like having sex. Trust me, your dad will love this one. Hahaha. Alan, thanks so much. Alan Raglafart the 100 Year Old Comedian.

Today's pheatured guest is a talented jazz singer whose album "Home" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Shirley Crabbe.

Me: Hello, Shirley, how are you? Welcome to the Phile.

Shirley: I am doing great... thanks so much for the interview.

Me: I know this goes way back, but congrats on winning the 2009 County Executive Performing Artist Award. Man, that's a long name for an award, isn't it? What did you win, Shirley?

Shirley: It is kind of long isn’t it? The County Executive Arts Award was started aver 20 years ago by Rockland County Executive John Grant (deceased). Every year the Arts Council of Rockland and the County Executive’s office celebrates the arts in my county by honoring individuals for their contributions. I was very surprised and honored to receive it.

Me: And also congrats on being one of the top 5 finalists at Jazz Mobile's Best of the Best Jazz Vocalist. Mobile? Does that have anything to do with the gas station? Who beat you, Shirley?

Shirley: Wow, there were a lot of great singers there... and I didn’t mind too much loosing to Pete McGuiness... who one first place... he is a great jazz singer and trombonist who, I have no doubt could scat himself out of any situation. Jazzmobile is an organization started by pianist, and educator Dr. Billy Taylor. Unfortunately Mr. Taylor died this year, but his legacy lives on. The organization offers jazz workshops and presents numerous jazz concerts throughout the year in New York City, and… I am sure that they would love to have the backing of the oil company Mobil... LOL.

Me: You've been singing for a while, right? When did you start to sing professionally and realized you wanted to make a career out of it?

Jazz: I started singing in public in the 7th grade... but I remember as far back as in the 5th grade that I really liked to sing... I didn’t think about it as career choice until my senior year in high school. I am glad that I decided to pursue music... I absolutely love it.

Me: Did you grow up listening to jazz?

Shirley: I grew up listening to all sorts of music. I sang in church and revered the vocal artistry of Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Chaka Kahn, James Brown, and Aretha Franklin, to name a few. The radio was always on in my house. But I didn’t start listening to jazz until I went to college. It was there that I fell in love with Miles Davis... his "My Funny Valentine" album... I wore it out. I also became absolutely enthralled by the playing of John Coltrane. And of course there is ongoing my love affair with Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong... the greatest jazz singers to have ever lived.

Me: You went to school to study music like a lot of jazz artists. Where did you go to school?

Shirley: Unfortunately, I have never formally studied jazz. My initial plans were to be an opera singer... so I went to Northwestern University to study classical music and eventually got a degree to teach music in the schools. A few years later, I went to Manhattan School of Music... again with the idea that I would pursue classical music. But being in NYC, the jazz mecca of the world, I grew more and more curious about jazz and started going downtown to the village to attend a vocal jazz workshop which gave me an opportunity to learn from jazz greats Dakota Staton, Etta Jones, Harold Mabern and Jamil Nasser. There was no turning back after that... I was hooked.

Me: Why do you think a lot of jazz artists study music in school's and university's more then any other genre? I can't think of one rock singer who went to Julliard to study music. Did I get that name right?

Shirley: Julliard that’s right... but I have a rock singer for you that was set to study there... Pat Benetar. She wound up not going and the rest is, as they say, history... and I am sure that she would have been a starring soubrette soprano. I think most young musicians go to university for the great training. But there are also incredible performance opportunities and great networking. Bottom line, college is a goldmine... you will work with those same people over and over again. Not to mention being on campus can get you access to advice from world-class and highly successful musicians and other seasoned professionals.

Me: Where are you from, Shirley?

Shirley: I was born in NYC and lived in the Bronx until I was almost 11. Then my family moved to upstate New York.

Me: You lived there all your life?

Shirley: I have lived in the NYC area for most of my life. I also lived in Evanston, Illinois for a brief time after college and then on NYC’s upper west side when I was studying at Manhattan School of Music.

Shirley: Yes, this is my first album and I am thrilled to have finally turned this dream into reality.

Me: How long did it take to record?

Shirley: We finished most of the recording in 2 days. I went in on another day to record Mr. Houston’s solos and spent another 3 sessions doing the mixing and mastering. It was a long process... but it was also a lot of fun. From day one we were laughing, eating, dancing and having a “good ole time.” The musicians were very professional, oh so talented and incredibly giving... they made it great.

Me: How did you choose "Home" to be the title track?

Shirley: I wanted the album to have the feeling of home... warm, cozy, comfortable... and I loved the song so that made the song “Home” the most obvious choice for the title track.

Me: I have to hand it to you, good job on writing all the lyrics on the album, but the music is older music, am I right?

Shirley: Thanks, I wish that I could take the credit for all of that incredible lyric writing... but I think that I would get put in jail for that... LOL. I tried to choose lesser know standards so that the album would feel more like it was an album of originals than an album of standards.

Me: But you wrote lyrics to a Carole King instrumental?

Shirley: I mostly did the arranging... she is a great songwriter. I have always loved her music.

Me: What made you go around on this route?

Shirley: I changed the feel of the song and made the bass a more prominent feature in the arrangement.

Me: I checked out your website and you can hear samples of your songs except for the song "Strong Man." Instead it says, "I'm in love with a strong man and they tell me he's wild about me." Who are you talking about, Shirley? Is it a secret?

Shirley: I’ll never tell, Jason, but you can check out the website again to hear the song... I posted it last night.

Me: Does he know the song "Strong Man" is about him?

Shirley: You know… it’s not a bad idea to have a Muse!

Me: Haha. Go ahead and mention who plays on the album with you, Shirley. Are they your performing band?

Shirley: These guys are amazing. I am hoping that I will have plenty of good work ahead of me so that I can get them together again to play on my next gig. For now it’s just the album... Shirley Crabbe (voice), Special guest soloist: Houston Person (tenor sax solo on "Lucky To Be Me, "& "Strong Man"), Donald Vega (piano on "Seasons," "You Taught My Heart To Sing," "Home" & "Summertime"), Jim West (piano), Jon Burr (bass), Alvester Garnett (Alvester plays D'Amico drums), Dave Glasser (saxophone & flute, solo on "Detour Ahead"), "Matt Haviland (trombone, solo on "Home"). Matt also arranged "Detour Ahead," "Home" and "Strong Man." Brandon Lee (trumpet, solo on "Not While I’m Around").

Me: Wow, you're very in-depth with the credits. As well as singing you also do voice overs? What do you do voice overs for, commercials?

Shirley: I have had the pleasure of doing a couple of projects so far... a live narration and a voice over for a video. I have been working on getting other kinds of work

Me: Are they played in New York or would I of heard one of your commercials here in Central Florida?

Shirley: One day... I’ll keep you posted.

Me: I could never do a voice over unless there's a call out for a retarded Kermit the Frog with a slight British accent... or Squidward. How did you get into that field, Shirley?

Shirley: I kind of fell into it. One day I decided that I wanted to do voiceovers and the next thing you know I am training and going to seminars and even getting a few jobs. By the way... I am a huge Sponge Bob fan... I really love cartoons. Listening to their cleaver voiceovers is part of what inspire me to want to do that kind of work.

Me: And you do plays as well? What plays have you been in?

Shirley: I have been in several shows... they are fun and they challenge me in other ways. I like acting and I hope to do more of it when I have some time.

Me: And what is The Mystic Pilgrims? Is that a band you're in? Maybe someone from The Mystic Pilgrims would like to be on the Phile?

Shirley: The Mystic Pilgrims was my friend Bradley Detrick’s jazz band. It was a wonderful experience. I was the featured vocalist on a song that he wrote called “Africa." Brad’s a great cat... I am sure that he would love to be interviewed. Here is a link to his website: bradleydetrickmusic.com/pilgrims.aspx.

Me: Shirley, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Go ahead and mention your website and I wish you lots of luck, and I hope this was the best interview you have ever done. Will you come back when your next album comes out?

Shirley: Thanks so much for being the very first interview for my debut album “Home." It has been a pleasure chatting with you and I will most definitely come back again. For more information please visit me at shirleycrabbe.com. I hope that you enjoy the music and please don’t forget to sign my guestbook.

Me: Thanks again, and best wishes, Shirley.

Shirley: Thanks you again for being interested in my music. My very best wishes to you as well.

That about it for this entry of the Phile. I feel very sick, and thought this entry would never end. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Shirley Crabbe. The Phile will be back Monday with singer Lydia Loveless. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker