Here are a series of movies featuring a variety of Japanese makeup lessons. One of which is for a product called Eye Talk. It’s some sort of glue applied to the upper eyelid in order to make Asian women look either more caucasian or surprised. I’m not sure which. I fail to see the reason such a product even exists but it’s popular enough to warrant online lessons on the proper application.

My Japanese is attrocious at best and I should really brush up on my Pimsleur lessons but I still found it entertaining from a gaijin’s perspective. In fact, I watched the movies several times over and only winced when the Eye Talk “eyelid-pusher-backer” stick was used. It’s the scariest thing I’ve seen since Ju-On.

It’s bad enough not being able to get asleep – Even worse after an enjoyable evening with friends. Thankfully I won’t have as difficult a time tonight as I did three days ago when I tried to fall asleep and for whatever reason became hyper-aware of my tongue and fearful that I might choke on it. That odd paranoia brings up a variety of things that I should reflect upon but I’ll save that for when I’m more lucid.

So while I’m up I may as well investigate some of the many insomnia remedies available. Avoiding caffiene, alcohol, or tobacco is certainly out of the question but perhaps the quiet ears method will do the trick. That or talk radio. It always seems to put me out.

Here’s a nice tutorial on how to fold a shirt properly. I looks so easy and graceful that it makes me want to do laundry just for the sake of having something to fold afterward. Thoroughly entertaining.

Sometimes these posts practically write themselves. Example: an email was sent to me recently with a link to cheer me up in response to my general bitchyness lately because of my lack of work (a situation thankfully resolved). I admit it. I milked it for all it was worth but personal tragedy is only a half-step away from comedy and I figured it would make great content which it did. Come to think of it, I suppose that explains my recent commitment-phobia which seems to have manifested itself in the last year or so.

I gave that a bit of thought because obviously this isn’t the healthiest malady to have. I blame it completely on this website because I’m guided by the belief that I do my best work when I’m not attached as it gives me something to write about and since the biggest thing I make fun is myself then if I’m perfectly content with my life my work will suffer. I’m working to resolve this by building a machine that will traverse dimensions. One day I will pass through the portal to the mirror universe and meet my female doppelganger. That will be the day I get married.

Interdimensional travel is strange but stranger still is the recent manifestation (usually when drunk) of Flashcube Eric in the real world. You see, if there’s a line that separates life and art then by recent events It’s been blurred and I don’t know whether I’m living vicariously through my website or it through me. I’m sure this doesn’t add up to anything good but it does make for some fun times even though I question the motivation afterwards for about a week. Sometimes longer.

Personally I think Flashcube Eric should remain on this website because he’s tarnishing the clean slate the Real Eric’s come back to after a five year sabbatical. Sure, everyone loves the new Flashcube Eric when he comes out on the prowl for kisses but his big city attitude is gonna do me in. While it gives me a convenient scapegoat, it’s at the expence of my mental health. It’s a toss-up. What’s a boy to do?

I spend an inordinate amount of time in front of computers or surrounded by their dismantled parts. Sometimes they work with me and sometimes they are a pain in the ass. As much as I like them some people seem to like them even more. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so judgemental but then perhaps they should put some fucking clothes on get that motherboard away from their cock. At least wear a fucking anti-static wrist band.

Let’s see how you measure up against celebrities. According to this website I’m taller than Sandra Bullock but shorter than Hulk Hogan. I think that’s a fair asessment but how do I stack in terms of other attributes? For instance, I think that it can be argued that were the criteria to be changed to “cute” then the order would be still the same with of course Sandra Bullock coming in first followed by me then Hulk Hogan.