Be Great Right Now

I made the choice to apply to Life West and Palmer a few days after we had an awesome seminar at our gym by a chiropractor. Within three weeks, I decided on Life West, did a half-day tour, completed the entire application process, was accepted into the program, and I start in July!

Yes, it all happened that quickly!

But, what seems like an impulsive decision, has actually taken me 18 years.

Yes, 18 long years.

Huh?!

You see…It’s been just a little over 18 years since my traumatic experience in high school, I was only 16 years old, and since that time in my life, I have sabotaged many, many opportunities and opened doors.

I had very little to no self-worth and confidence. I truly believed I wasn’t good enough, nor even deserving, of being anything more than a lump on a log.

Being “average” was comfortable. Being average meant no one was looking at me, and I could easily hide and go unnoticed day to day.

Being average did not bring any attention to me, and that felt very safe.

In hindsight, I realize that was my way of protecting myself from any other potential danger.

As a kid and teenager, I was actually very outgoing, ambitious, and outspoken, and I brought a lot of attention to myself. I loved the spotlight!

But, then, I was used and abused, and suddenly getting attention was a very bad thing. It meant danger. It meant pain.

So many times, I got close to greatness, and then ran away like an a**hole with cold feet on his wedding day…

I could have been an Occupational Therapist.

I could have owned my own Fleet Feet Sports store.

I could have competed on the Team at the CrossFit Games.

I could have been a Family & Child Psychologist.

I could have qualified individually for the CrossFit NorCal Regionals.

All of those could have happened…But, because of me, they didn’t. I had many excuses back then, and really good ones at that, but after many years of growth and change, I can finally admit out loud to you that it was all my own doing.

I made those things fail on purpose!

I truly could not believe that someone as awful and pathetic as myself could actually be someone that awesome. The horrible things I used to tell myself…The self-doubt…The disbelief…The poison that seeped through my bloodstream and heart…

It makes me sad to think that I used to believe those things about myself.

And, it makes me even sadder when I watch others do the exact same thing to themselves today.

I do love to write, and I would be elated if one of my books got published, but in all honesty, writing a book isn’t even the point here right now.

It sounds corny, but every time Spencer asked me this question, what I actually heard was, “I love you, and I think you’re amazing, and I want the world to see it, too.”

The more he asked me and encouraged me to write a book, the more I started to believe that maybe I could actually be something great.

Ahhh…The power of love! 😉

So, in a nutshell, after years of darkness, and then years of ruined opportunities, followed by years of regrets and wishes, and then finally years of therapy, Spencer, and CrossFit, I suddenly found myself believing that I could actually become a doctor.

To most, this doesn’t sound like any big deal. People become doctors every day.

It’s not even becoming a doctor that’s the important part here, though.

The points I’m trying to get at are…

A. Genuine and constant love and support can go a long way, and many times without you even realizing how powerful it is to the person you’re giving it to (Thanks, honey).

B. It’s never too late to change directions. Never. Seriously, never.

And, most importantly…

C.When you finally give yourself permission to be great, great things happen! 🙂

I have a friend who told me she’s always wanted to go to Nursing school after I told her I got accepted to Life West College. I asked her why doesn’t she just go for it now, then, and we can study together. The excuses came out like a cannon full of confetti. But, nothing out of the ordinary – I’m too old, it’s been too long, it will take too many years, I have too many things going on now, it would be so overwhelming…The usual excuses so many of us give ourselves.

But, the truth of the matter is, the “right time” really doesn’t exist.

For a rare few, it actually happens, and good for them. For most of us, though, life happens. Kids happen. Lay-offs happen. Deaths happen. Illness happen. Divorces happen. Accidents happen.

Where I am at in my life right now, there will never be a “right time” to go back to school, but I know it’s what I want to do…It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, but was too afraid to do for far too long…So, I just did it.

And now with school in my very near future, the question remains of when we’ll have a second child…And, inevitably, I’m sure I’ll get pregnant within the first week of school. Haha! Of course I would, right?! But, we’ll make it work. Because, waiting until I’m done with my doctorate is definitely not the right time, nor would it be as safe as I will be close to 40 then.

So, to my friend who wants to go to Nursing school, and to any of you out there in the same situation, I say – JUST DO IT!!!

The “right time” is right now!

Every year that goes by, you will wish you had done it last year. Every friend or family member you see accomplish your dreams, you will have wished you started when they did. Every decade that goes by, you will have wondered what would have been had you done it then.

So many years of wishing, wanting, and wondering.

I’ve already had 18 years of that…That is plenty long enough for me!

I’m ready to live the rest of my life with adventure, risks, mistakes, a little bit of fear, and a whole lot of satisfaction and fulfillment.

After all, if it both scares and excites you, then it’s definitely worth pursuing! 😉