Saturday, March 19, 2011

let's try this again

The "extra" girlshave gone home,though it took a whilefor them to pull away in blue car, red car,and they called goodbye to my girl for ages.She stood at the back window of her bedroomand said, "Get out of my yard!"then laughedand laughed.

The Girl will have a meal tonightwith her father,something meaty (ribs?).I wish I could explain to himthat her reluctance to schedule him inis nothing personal,but that's not my job.I have been letting go,no longer buffer,bufflessflufflessstripped downto the new roleI should have taken on what?eight years ago?

No, no, it shiftsas child agesand I ageand we redefinethe shards of us.

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Today I am bull,maleskin glossy and black,the gloss fadesas I kick up arena dust.I feel like charging down the matadorwho pricks my hide with a barbed harpoon,though when I look up bullfighting terminology,I see that bulls now wear Velcro pads on their backs,and bullfighters use Velcro tipped staffsinstead of swords.

When I was 5, my family went to Spain on vacation(not that far since we were stationed near Paris),and we attended a bullfight.The sight of the bull running, frantic with pain,the barbed harpoons waving from his hide,so bright, each color signifying how much closerthe bull was to death,I was horrified. I rooted for the bull,wanted to hide my face in my handsbut couldn't look away.

3 comments:

Hard to explain and I won't justify it -- except to say that the bull lives a most amazing life until he comes to the corrida, and then, his death is a narrative of three acts, and its as noble death. The matador respects nothing more than that bull, and loves him as he kills him.

MD, yes, I kind of remember the acts and I've read enough about bullfighting since 1962 to understand the respect the matador has for the bull.

Sara, it's an oddly beautiful type of "theatre," I suppose.

I vaguely remember that the spectators were kind to us children when we got upset and they tried to explain the relationship between bull and matador, bull and spectators, etc. I was only 5 and hadn't experienced even death of a pet yet.