I was born into a family involved with Mormonism for four generations. One of
my relatives married into Joseph Smith's family. Others were early converts who
crossed the western frontier as pioneers. As a Mormon, I always took pride in my
heritage. I was involved in missionary work for the "Church" in
Anaheim, California. But unknown to me at that time, God had a different plan
for my life.

The first time anyone shared Jesus Christ with me, was when
I was in high school in 1960. An evangelist picked me up hitchhiking home from
Huntington Beach, California. His ministry was driving young surfers home in
exchange for allowing him to share Jesus Christ. It was a long way to Buena
Park, so I agreed to listen and pray in exchange for a ride home.

As a Mormon, I felt no need for this young man's Jesus. While my heart was
set on remaining a Mormon, after we prayed I recall how troubled I felt. As soon
as I arrived home I shared the events with my mother, but she said, "What
can a little prayer hurt?" I wasn't sure, but I knew that where just a
few hours earlier I was "happy-go-lucky," now I felt a different tone.
If there was a passage of scripture that fit my life from that point on it would
be Jonah 1:17.

"And the LORD had prepared a great fish to
swallow up Jonah...." (Jonah 1:17)

Within five years of my choice, I was ordained into the Mormon Melchizedek
Priesthood, married in the Mormon Temple, and on my way to involvement in
leadership. Ten years flew by as my involvement with "missionary work"
led me to be ordained in 1970 simultaneously to the office of Seventy, Seventy's
President, and a member of the Stake Mission Presidency in Anaheim California by
Gordon B. Hinckley who was then an apostle, and at this writing
is President of the Church in 1996.

Those "missionary" efforts led into some events that later caused
me to come to Christ. One of those events happened as I was out "tracting."
We had come across an apartment crowded with six Christians. Back then everyone
called them "Jesus Freaks." I still recall how eager they were
to have someone to share with. As soon as we were inside they said, "There
are just two ground rules for discussion. The first is when we pray
everyone gets a chance to pray, and the second is, when we read from the
Bible everyone gets a chance to examine the scriptures closely."

I remember thinking to myself, "What harm could possibly come from
closely examining the Bible?" and, "What could a little prayer
hurt?" Every time we made reference to a Bible passage, all progress
stopped because they had to read the entire surrounding chapter and look up key
words in "Strong's Concordance." It didn't take long before I
realized I had lost control of the "discussion." The idea that
Scripture was able to define itself was new to me. I had come to teach, but
instead I was being taught.

That brief time in the word forever changed my life. Their testimonies were
different from "Mormon testimonies" I had heard all of my life.
Instead of sharing about their church membership they spoke of an intimate
personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They kept referring to him with phrases
like, "He's not a religion but a person," and
"He lives inside of every believer." Here is a key
passages they shared with me.

"to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of
the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope
of glory." (Colossians 1:27)

This teaching troubled me because Mormons believe in physical, local, finite
anthropomorphic deities. Their Doctrine & Covenants, Section 130:3 says,
"...the idea that the Father and the Son dwell in a man's heart
is an old sectarian notion, and is false."

Before leaving we prayed as usual, but when they prayed their intimacy with
Christ was apparent. Before long some began praying in languages I had never
heard! If I had been feeling troubled over our study, I was really feeling
troubled about our prayer. I quietly nudged my companion and we left while they
were still praying.

Before that meeting I had never seen a concordance that made reference
to the Biblical languages. But I purchased one within days and soon began
studying words in passages from my missionary discussion handbook. It had
angered me when they said, "Your Mormon doctrines are all based on
scriptures wrongly interpreted and taken out of context!" I wanted to
be able to go back and show those Christians just how wrong they were. I was
more than dismayed when I discovered I could not disprove their claims. I chose
not to tell anyone about my discoveries.

More troubling to me however was the discovery that now I had a "secret
longing" to know Jesus Christ the way those Christians said they knew
him. Suddenly I became aware of an "emptiness" inside of me.

In the summer of 1971, I chose to return to work on my degree at Cypress
College and in doing so left "missionary" work behind. This
caused some stress in my family, ward and stake. I still attended the regular
meetings, but "religious activity" wasn't meeting my needs
anymore. In 1974 I purchased a small sail boat in King's Harbor, in Redondo
Beach California. That seemed like it was going to work for awhile. But I needed
more.

As my priorities began to change, I never considered leaving the Mormon
Church. That was never an issue! I was too deeply invested in Mormonism to ever
think of leaving the "Church." But I was going through a time of
profound change. In 1976 I sold my boat and purchased a little horse ranch in
Mira Loma, California. I had high hopes that things were going to work out
again. Over time I became less and less "active" as a Mormon,
but I still never considered looking anywhere outside of my Mormon leaders for
spiritual help. More importantly, I staunchly refused to touch anything the
church called "anti-Mormon" literature.

In 1978, my whole life changed. I was in a head on auto collision with a
drunk migrant farm worker being chased by the California Highway Patrol! That
year was tumultuous. I lost my house. In the spring of 1979 I was separated from
my family. I moved to Huntington Beach, California. My family relocated to what
seemed like the other end of the world in Lehi, Utah.

I thought I might be happy in Huntington Beach. I started "running"
on the beach every afternoon after work, and I "body surfed."
But that "emptiness" followed me everywhere. In 1979 I quit my "eleven
year job" at General Motors to try and reconcile with my family in
Utah. But this only increased the devastation. After just a few months, I found
myself alone, in Utah, underemployed, divorced, and estranged from the life I
once was happy to live as a Mormon.

This was the lowest point of my life! By now I had given up every hope of
ever enjoying life again. I began going to parties with people I worked with.
Soon alcohol turned to drugs and I fell into a "string" of painful
ungodly "relationships," as I tried to put every thought about
God out of my mind forever.

As Mormon I had studied enough to understand that my "only
hope" for "Exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom," was
through an unblemished "celestial marriage." Mine was forever
finished! My studies as a Mormon had taught me that no amount of "future
activity" [except possibly through my own bloody death] could reclaim
what I had lost. I lived for years with a constant fear that when I died I would
be alone and in torment. I often thought of suicide. I purchased a large
insurance policy for that eventuality. But I never attempted to take my life.

In the summer of 1984, I moved out of my apartment in Salt Lake City, Utah
and became "homeless" off and on for parts of that year. I remember
building a small lean-to up in the mountains. Once there I realized I had taken
a Bible with me. I spent many evenings "crying out" to God from
those mountains. I went through a period of bitter sorrow and guilt. I spent
weekends walking through grave yards in Draper and Spanish Fork reading the
names of my relatives and wondering where they had "really"
gone!

Finally on October 14, 1985 a pastor invited me into his study. But when he
confessed that he had invited me to accept Jesus Christ, my first instinct was
to still cling to Mormonism. I answered, "No!" I even
rose to leave his office. But he stepped out in front of me and poked his finger
in my chest and said, "Jerry, this is your chance, and
it may be the last chance you ever have!"

Those words, "this is your chance," began reverberating in
my mind. I knew I had to make a choice right then. I returned to my chair. I
became aware of a "spiritual battle." I tried to pay attention
as he read from Romans, but I found myself trembling irresistibly. Finally he
asked, "Do you believe Jesus Christ died for your sins?" I
replied, "No! But I would like to believe!" He
said, "Don't say another word let's pray!" When we began to pray the
battle heightened.

I could sense a storm going on within and without. You can imagine my shock
as I felt something powerful enter into me. At that moment something dark and
evil left my body. Immediately after it left I felt a warmth and a peace
entering into me that I had never experienced in my life! The pastor had just
been reading:

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man
hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with
him, and he with me". (Revelation 3:20)

The good news for me was that Jesus did come into my life just as He promised
in the Bible. As I thought about this new feeling in me, I remember looking over
at the pastor and asking, "What do I have to do so this feeling of peace
will never leave me?" He laughed and quoted Hebrews, "He will
never leave you or forsake you." (Deu 31:6 cf. Heb 13:5)

But I still worried that night that it would all be gone in the morning. But
"He" wasn't! It will be twelve years this year, and
He has proved faithful. He has never left me or forsaken me. And you know I'm
the kind of person that if He were ever going to leave or forsake anyone, it
would be me. But He has been faithful to me. (Josh 1:5-6)

Would you would like to accept Jesus Christ into your life? Please pray this
prayer of invitation with all of your heart and He will prove faithful to you
too.

"Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for
my sins. I turn from my sins, please forgive me. I open the door of my heart
and life to you right now. I receive you as my Savior and Lord. Thank you for
giving me eternal life. Take control of my life. Make me the kind of person
you want me to be."

If that prayer was the desire of your heart, Jesus Christ has come into your
life just as he has been doing for millions over the last two thousand years.
Please feel free to write to me if you have any questions or you just want to
share what God is doing in your life now. It is my prayer that the Holy Spirit
will lead you through God's Word and into a relationship with a local body of
believers.