josh

A good friend of mine killed himself in December. We met on IRC about 10 years ago when he was 13 or so and myself 16. Our conversations over the years have played a huge role in who I am today. He helped me to perceive things with a more skeptic mind and taught me the neurochemistry he had learned through his own studying, eventually growing my interest in the subject. We eventually both were diagnosed with Aspergers later in life and I think that's probably partly why we understood each other so well. He was always sending me different nootropics to try.

In the last six months before he died, he had basically gone crazy. I tried to talk to him a few times but he was convinced he had destroyed his body permanently and all he was interested in doing anymore was getting in fights with people and attracting women. He went from being the most intelligent person I know, a visionary, to a ruined person ruled by his crazed emotions. After I learned that he killed himself, I realized that he was my best friend and made the biggest impact on my life.

I didn't cry though when I found out, I didn't feel anything. I wish I knew where my emotions have gone these days.