Stealing From Hotel Rooms – NOT IN KILKENNY YOU DON’T!!

Hotel Kilkenny made me laugh….

Turns out, not everybody limits themselves to such expendables as myself, and Hotel Kilkenny have a novel, if a little hilarious, solution.

If you take it, you buy it.

So simple. I’ve no idea if this is the current trend in hotels, or if Kilkenny has become a hotbed of evolution for the industry. Regardless, it made me laugh (albeit after two bottles of wine – beautiful wine).

So, here we go.

A few questions Mr. Kilkenny, if you don’t mind;

1) How is this “for my convenience”? Why lie?
2) Who decides on the prices? They’re clearly a little greedy. Or just really annoyed at having to buy chrome bathroom bins every Monday morning.
3) Your disclaimer re: remote control – absolutely priceless. Well, €50. Did you get your hot-shot lawyer to add that after countless court cases and remote control compensation payouts?
4) “This Directory” coming in at €80 really poses more questions than it answers. Do people often steal a directory specific to one hotel in Kilkenny? I really don’t think they do.

For your convenience, I’ve added some pictures of my favourite items below – and to Hotel Kilkenny, I really enjoyed my stay, and I’m only taking the piss…..and sorry for pushing two single beds together to make a double…..and also sorry if you find the rather large bit of the lamp that fell off while I was doing so………

Great for ironing stuff, mostly clothes, maybe thin curtains – and yours for only €160!!

Pillows – ideal for your head, possibly neck, maybe even arms depending on where the TV is – now only €50!

Chrome bin, stylish and sleek – holds liquids, gases and most solids, depending on their size – now *€35*!!

Plastic kettle with emergency “auto fall out” power cord system – boils the water, so you don’t have to! WARNING – THIS DEAL IS HOT!! Yours, for only €30!

THIS BOOK! The one actually containing what you’re now reading can be yours – what better way to remember your stay! Yours FOREVER for only 80 European Pounds!!

On an unrelated, but even more impressive point, here’s what Valentine’s Day means to the well-heeled gentry of Knocklyon, D 16, the Leafy Suburbs of South Cawnty Dublin.

I like Delaneys, sometimes, but jeebus bleebus christ lads, get a woman, or at least a man under 50, who’s had a girlfriend within the last 30 years, to think of your Valentine’s Day promotions, please.

2 Comments:

I’ve seen similar ‘sales brochures’ in many a hotel room, but have yet to see a *remote control disclaimer, brilliant! Will you do us a deal on that ironing board and a pillow (with pillowcase)? I’ve only €200 on me.