DVD Review: Long Jeanne Silver (Alex DeRenzy)

Public service announcement – be forewarned: this one is really not for everyone.

“My name is Long Jeanne Silver and I’m handicapped and horny. Due to a quirk of Mother Nature, I was born with a bigger (ahem) than John Holmes.”

So from the first line of the movie, you know you’re in trouble.

With that, we go straight into the action, as Joey Silvera and Amber Hunt share a strangely silent, unscored bedroom scene with the lady in question. She sure seems normal enough, even reasonably attractive after a fashion…until you realize that she’s only half lying.

Rather than a creepy hermaphroditic trannie thing, our heroine makes use of a malformed appendage to satisfy the ladies and one obviously gay gentleman along the way. That’s pretty much it – a lovingly filmed, close up bisexual geek show. Gee, thanks, Al.

“So I figure, if they can take a fist, why can’t they take my stump?”

And that pretty much says it all. Silver herself appears to be fairly comfortable with all of this, so it’s questionable just how objectionably exploitative all of this really is, but a sequence where she explains it to a pair of soon to be partners (one of whom is cute Filipina-type China Leigh) shows her switching from ostensible laughter to obvious half-stifled sobs and tears, which kind of summed it up for me.

Paul Thomas and Sandy Pinney show up for the third sequence, and many of the girls are reasonably cute, so this isn’t exactly the horror spectacle viewers might expect…it’s just rather distasteful, rather than absolutely repulsive.

Fans of late period Doris Wishman (the Amazing Transplant, the Chesty Morgan films and especially Let Me Die a Woman) may be curious enough to check this one out, and given the attractiveness of most of the cast and DeRenzy’s loving cinematography, it certainly bears it’s fair share of aesthetic appeal.

It’s just how you feel about the exploitation angle, in the end – which ultimately is something only Ms. Silver can really speak to.