Who asked for this shit? What women have decided that their main concern in life is that they aren’t “ladylike” enough while eating tortilla chips? I want to meet these women because the women I know and I myself am busy worried about things like making sure my kid wears pants when he leaves the house, equal pay, combating sexual assault, Black Lives Mattering, destroying diet culture…shit, I’m even more worried about when West World airs again than I am about whether or not my consuming of food is “ladylike” enough for others. Get the fuck out of here with this absurdity.

*Please remember not just women need to worry about their uteruses being regulated.

Love,

Me

]]>https://kaihibbard.com/2018/02/05/lady-friendly-doritos/feed/0271Chat With Me and Help a Family!https://kaihibbard.com/2018/02/03/chat-with-me-and-help-a-family/
https://kaihibbard.com/2018/02/03/chat-with-me-and-help-a-family/#respondSat, 03 Feb 2018 00:48:56 +0000https://kaihibbard.com/?p=267UPDATE! We are now at 75% of goal, only $200 left to hit goal. SO, I’m going to change what I’m offering in my video I’m going to run the fundraiser until the 17th and even if we don’t hit goal the very last person to donate ANY amount can have the chat session I’m offering

Hi guys! I am making an odd offer to help get us to goal for the fundraiser I am doing for my neighbor!

I am raising funds for the fire deductible for my friend and neighbor, Andrea. Last week her family had a chimney fire here in Lusby, MD blocks from my home and it caused extensive damage. She never asks for help and is the first person to help others. I met her through my rhuematoid arthritis support group and she is one of the strongest, bravest women I know. Through her fight with her chronic illness and flare ups she still never fails to show up to support others. On the day of the fire another tragedy struck our neighborhood and I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that her family‘s actions saved a mans life that day. They gave life saving medical care to a severely injured man after a horrible attack all after just having lived through the trauma of a fire in their own home. This is a family that helps their neighbors and I would like to help them back. I’m asking for friends and family, here and far away to please help them raise their insurance deductible so they have one less worry. This is a woman who literally held my hand and kept me upright when doctors told me that my RA may be taking my eyesight, a woman who answers texts at any hour to help others and would give you the last scrap of food she had to make sure others are alright. Please consider donating.

Happy All the Holidays Everyone! Humor me and take a listen to this long video before the holidays about setting boundaries for your self care, you can lend an ear while you wrap gifts or light candles to decorate and make the house cozy or if you have a bit of downtime during the festivities! You might even listen when someone makes an unsolicited comment about your body or what you’re eat, insert those earbuds, tune them out and take a listen. I shared these last New Year and will again this coming year but because of feedback from people I respect and from holiday posts I have already witnessed I wanted to get a jump on this and send you all my support and love! As always, sources below.

So, before I made this video I looked for articles and sources on how to get through the Holidays while being inundated with messages about how your body is “wrong” or why you should feel “guilty” or “earn” the foods you eat and I was so disappointed. Shame is not a motivator, it is terrible for your mental health and is no ways to celebrate the Holidays. I was disgusted to find that most of the articles I found gave tips on surviving the projections people placed on your body or your food choices involved restriction or exercise as a way of “earning” food as opposed to moving your body to care for it, because you enjoy it and because exercise is an excellent way to combat the stress that may come with all our holiday responsibilities. There are sources on the video for self care and why food shaming is harmful, but very few pop culture articles on how to get through the holidays without wracking guilt and with your self image intact. Here are my sort of tongue in cheek but also somewhat serious tips for getting through the holidays when other people try to make your body their business (bear in mind I am not an RD, I am a body image social worker):

Do NOT starve yourself all day in anticipation of holiday parties or holiday meals, not because of whatever bullshit “health” guru tells you about how you will “over eat” when you get to the party but because you shouldn’t starve yourself at all. Do not starve yourself. Do not starve yourself on a holiday, do not starve yourself on a random Wednesday in June, do not starve yourself in a box, do not starve yourself with a fox. Do not starve yourself. Eat mindfully. Choose foods that are psychologically and physically healthy for YOU.

Ignore bullshit posts telling you to stick to “clean eating.” First of all “clean eating” isn’t a thing (check the blog for more on this) and so giving yourself the added stress of trying to determine what that is when everyone’s nutritional and psychological needs are incredibly individualized is not worth the psychological stress. Want a cookie? Eat a damn cookie. Want some kale? Eat some kale.

Workout because moving your body is a way of caring for it, not to punish it for whatever “dirty” food you consumed. Exercise is an awesome stress reducer and a great way to honor your body.

Just a quick video on how amazing the BEDA/NEDA 2017 Conference was this weekend!

Some of the things referenced in this video so you can learn more:

I spent time in rooms with people who are far more brilliant and awake than I could ever hope to be and though I cannot share everything because I’d be writing a novel, I want to share some things that stood out for me from some of the presentations I had the privilege of attending.
I attended “Eating Disorders in Marginalized Populations: What is the impact of food insecurity presented by Carolyn Black Becker, PhD, FAED and Keesha Middlemass, PhD. I was so enraptured by the data and the implications of food insecurity and food deserts on ED behavior that I failed to take photos- if you have the opportunity, look for their research.
I attended “A Crash Course on the Collision of Public Policy and Higher Weight Bodies” presented by Wendy Oliver-Pyatt, MD and Chevese Turner, BA. It was also fantastic and what stuck with me was how public policy has run afoul of the communities they profess to want to help due to a reactive ill informed antiquated medical model.
Next I attended “The Road to Recovered: A Collaboration Between a Recovered Advocate and a Clinician.” With Katie Thompson MS, LPC, NCC, CEDS and Ali Fields, JD. My favorite point they touched on was how recovery is not linear, but possible.
One of my favorites was “Controlling Images and Stereotypes: Body Image and the weight stigma in the LBGTQ+ Community” presented by Tanya Hammer, PhD. The second photo is from that presentation I failed to take more because I was rabid in taking notes. There is a dearth of literature and research addressing body image and ED issues in the LGBTQ+ community and the presentation focused on using a Cultural Relational therapeutic approach with narrative techniques and DBT with conscientious awareness of intersectionality – literally the paradigm I practice from, so I was fascinated. There is a little research on the topic regarding non gender binary members of the population but there is a woeful lack of research in other populations like asexual, pansexual and other members of the community, as there is a continued “lumping together of bisexual data” into gay/lesbian data, confounding results. This university is making great strides and get this! They’re in Oklahoma! Even they were like “who would’ve guessed, huh?” The OSU Body Image Research Lab looks fascinating.
The final presentation I had time to attend was “Dismantling Weight Bias in BED Treatment: Using the HAES Model for Stigma Resistance” presented by Judith Matz, LCSW and Deb Burgard, PhD (Who I am not at all ashamed to admit I hope to be half as amazing as her when I grow up.) The entire presentation was amazing but two things stuck out for me. The concept of Cultural Humility as opposed to Cultural Competence ( as defined by Vivian Chavez) and this that Deb said: “Maybe my role is to use my big loud voice to help other people to know when to take a seat and listen to the people who have something important to say but don’t have my privilege and voice.” That felt important.
It ALL felt important.

I know it’s been awhile since I have seen you all, here is a little video update! You can follow my new YouTube Channel Here.

You can also catch me here on this page more often!

<3

Kai

]]>https://kaihibbard.com/2017/10/22/ive-missed-you-all/feed/1182Inconsequential Numbershttps://kaihibbard.com/2016/04/21/inconsequential-numbers/
https://kaihibbard.com/2016/04/21/inconsequential-numbers/#respondThu, 21 Apr 2016 16:44:23 +0000https://reallykaihibbard.wordpress.com/2016/04/21/inconsequential-numbers/I feel the need to address this guilt about weighing over a certain amount that has been expressed by former contestants and actually by a lot of women I’ve known in my life. I don’t believe that my weight is a good measure of my health, as a matter of fact out of all the numbers used by medical professionals- blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, inflammation markers, etc.- I believe it’s the absolute WORST measure of health, but I’m going to share some numbers that pertain to me and my body to prove a point.
203 pounds- the amount I weighed when I became a certified aerobics instructor who taught between 3-6 classes a week while earning my undergrad degree.
144 pounds- this is what I weighed at my finale in 2006. I was so sick I wasn’t coherent, I passed out when I stood up too fast, I was covered in bruises, my hair was falling out in clumps, I was taking over 2400mg of ibuprofen a day just to walk because of shin splints and hadn’t eaten in days.
223 pounds- I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy after almost losing him repeatedly by trying to overtrain and diet while pregnant and on doctor ordered bed rest because I was so afraid of gaining weight. Luckily people who loved me intervened and got me help essentially saving my sons life. The guilt I had over weighing “too much” almost destroyed literally the best thing to ever happen to me.
163 pounds- what I weighed the day I left to join the Army in 2011. To get to this weight I picked up unhealthy habits again and was bordering on dangerous territory again.
187 pounds- my weight for my last PT test in basic training before I left for OCS at Fort Benning. On that PT test I maxed out points for my sit ups and push ups because I was actually fueling my body to complete the tasks I needed for Army basic training.
163 pounds- the weight I was back down to two years later after breaking my pelvis and being too depressed to even move off my couch. I was barely eating and barely leaving my house, sounds healthy huh?
173- the weight I was in 2014 when I decided to take a new approach to my body because I kept getting colds non stop and couldn’t figure out why. I had just come back from Europe where I was sick twice during an 11 day trip and couldn’t seem to shake the non stop fatigue and head colds. I relapsed this year into severe disordered eating habits and didn’t eat for 18 days. I knew I had a problem again and sought help.
209 pounds- the weight I was this past year when I demolished my first RX at cross fit. After months of recovery, I was strong, I was finally feeding myself again after being depressed and I was training five days a week for months to get this and gained weight while doing it and didn’t freak out. I’ve never been so proud of an accomplishment in the gym, I actually ate and trained without the Army making me and I kicked ass.
All those numbers? Pay attention, how high or low they were had ZERO correlation with how healthy I was and how I was caring for myself. You cannot determine someone’s health by looking at them.
Let’s work toward letting go of these arbitrary numbers as measures of our self worth and pay attention to what matters: Am I eating physical and physiological health foods? Am I moving my body? Am I practicing self care? Am I forming lasting supportive relationships? These are the things that matter for long term health. Health is more than a number.
]]>https://kaihibbard.com/2016/04/21/inconsequential-numbers/feed/0138The Real Loserhttps://kaihibbard.com/2016/04/10/the-real-loser-2/
https://kaihibbard.com/2016/04/10/the-real-loser-2/#commentsSun, 10 Apr 2016 21:14:46 +0000https://reallykaihibbard.wordpress.com/?p=122JD Roth is a Hollywood producer that once told me, after months of killing myself with starvation dieting, and overtraining, all while desperately trying to win enough money to make the 8 months I was out of work for this show and my student loans worth it, that it “wasn’t about the money,” while he stood there in $1200.00 shoes making millions off my sweat and tears. Now JD is cashing in on, what I hope are, the death rattles of his brain baby – “The Biggest Loser” – by writing a pretend “tell all” about the show. As a former contestant I see this as yet another exploitive money grab from a man that damaged people in the name of greed and entertainment, all while doing everything possible to make sure that, unless it gave his Frankenstein monster of a body shaming show good publicity, former contestants could not themselves profit from their own experiences. To promote his new book, he did an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine this month. I felt like responding to the steaming pile of heaping crap that it was, so here goes:

JD: “1. Most medical experts think you can only lose 1 to 2 pounds a week safely — but people can lose much more than that. After we sold the show based on the concept of helping people lose upward of 100 pounds in 12 weeks, I called every medical expert in weight loss in the United States to find out how to do it. Everyone I spoke to said you can only lose 1 to 2 pounds in a week. I realized they were only focusing on the science: calories in, calories out, and calories left over. But we proved them wrong on set, where there was at least one contestant who lost 10 pounds or more in seven days — every single week.

The body is shockingly responsive to change. Some contestants start out unable to walk up a flight of stairs to get to their bedroom, so they just sleep in a Barcalounger. They take upward of 15 pills a day for various ailments. But in the first 24 hours on the show, the same body can walk on a treadmill for five hours, and after changing their eating habits and fitness routines for 30 days, they’re almost always off every pill.”

1. There was NOT at least one contestant who “lost ten pounds or more in seven days-every single week.” Although it looked like a week on television, it was not always a seven day week in real life. While I know that some contestants were able to lose that in water weight in a short time frame no one contestant lost that rate of weight consistently in a seven day time frame.

As far as his assertion that he “called every medical expert in the United States” to find out how to help people lose “upward of 100 pounds in 12 weeks” and that they told him you can only lose “1 to 2 pounds a week safely” he claims however, that his experience taught him, “people can lose much more than that” notice he didn’t say they could lose much more than that SAFELY. See, he’s not outright lying here just misrepresenting what the show did, The Biggest Loser didn’t prove all those medical experts wrong like he states, it just used unsafe weight loss methods. Voila! Problem solved! You can lose more than 1-2 pounds a week, you can do a myriad of unhealthy things to make that happen, what the medical community maintains is that for weight loss to be achieved in a healthy sustainable way, a less restrictive manner works best so you don’t have other health complications, and you should not be going below 1000 calories a day which is often what is required to maintain the rapid weight loss shown on The Biggest Loser[i]. That’s not even going into the complications of losing lean body mass, slowed metabolisms due to crash dieting and how that affects health and weight loss rates. JD Roth found a work around for his TV show, never mind the actual health of the contestants, he was after ratings. Don’t believe me? Call a doctor, ask them.

Nothing in JD Roths statements address the long-term mental and physical health repercussions the contestants face after forcing a previously a sedentary body (he claims some contestants “start out unable to walk up a flight of stairs”) to physical extremes, “in the first 24 hours on the show, the same body can walk on a treadmill for five hours” the issue isn’t IF the human body can be forced into these things but SHOULD it be and what are the ramifications on the long term health of a human being pushing their body that far that fast? Any reasonable health and medical professional not on TV, would NEVER have a client do that because the medical data shows the long-term effects are terrible for your body and for your adherence to an exercise routine in the long term. It makes for great rating though so I can see why JD Roth is so self congratulatory that he had a hand in convincing people desperate to lose weight to force their bodies to such unhealthy extremes.

He also claims that contestants who arrive on medications “after changing their eating habits and fitness routines for 30 days, they’re almost always off every pill,” I wasn’t on medication for any health issues when I was on The Biggest Loser, but I can tell you by the time I finished it? I was taking Ibuprofen like they were going out of business. I had done so much damage to my body from the overtraining that when I finally went home and saw a doctor I was told my shin splints were so severe she didn’t know how I was walking much less running six miles a day in addition to my other workouts. So, so much for “off every pill” JD.

JD: “2. People who weigh 300 pounds aren’t necessarily at fault. Most people see a 300-pound woman and think she’s lazy — that it’s her fault she lifted the fork to her own mouth. But I’ve learned that people who weigh 500 or 600 pounds and end up on the show have a level of darkness in their lives that most people just can’t understand.”

2. Oh dear goodness, did JD almost get something right here? I don’t know about his amateur psychology here, but I do know that there are a myriad of studies that indicate that weight has nothing to do with willpower, or laziness and that there are biological and external factors that all play into weight. Add to that the failure rate of diets (95% of all diets fail and lead to more weight gain[ii]) and you can see that a persons weight is far more complex than a TV show can communicate.

JD: “3. A shocking number of people can’t even walk a mile. Once we did a challenge on The Biggest Loser where we asked 15 people to walk or run 1 mile and guaranteed the first 12 finishers a spot on the show. During the challenge, one woman actually needed to be airlifted off the beach.”

3. I have no idea what the statistics are on how many people are capable of walking a mile, I DO know that there is a bevy of medical knowledge that taking a person who has a history of very little physical activity and having them run a mile right off is dangerous and stupid, aerobic training should start gradually[iii]. That woman that needed to be airlifted off the beach that he nonchalantly mentions as though it were a fun quirky little fact? It almost killed her. Why are we still listening to this guy with zero medical background give health and diet advice, his show almost killed a woman and left her with long term health issues.

JD: “4. There’s nothing more important than what you do when no one’s looking. The show forces you to say, “I’m going to do this,” then makes you accountable to millions of people. But after you’re done with the show, you have to continue to eat the right food, work out, and commit to changing your life on your own to be successful.

When you can hold yourself accountable — and try even when your trainer isn’t looking — the outcome is bigger than weight loss: You become a better worker, a better family member, and a better friend.”

4. While I don’t disagree that what is most important for your health is what you do when you’re no longer on that show, implying that a continuation of the habits learned on that show is either healthy or possible is a lie. “You have to continue to eat the right food, work out, and commit to changing your life,” all awesome things when someone FINALLY teaches you to do those things. Newsflash excessive exercise, severe restriction plus dehydration- all things I learned on The Biggest Loser- are not things you should continue and are difficult habits to break without the help of real professionals. A TV producer, even if he believes he is, is not a medical or health professional.

JD: “5. Emotional baggage can weigh you down even more than pounds. I’ve been surprised by how many contestants have left boot camp in the middle of the night in search of fast food, but I’ve learned there is a lot of emotional pain that fuels the decision to walk down a dark road in the middle of the night in search of your next happy meal. People who suffer from food addiction think they just love the taste of bread or the way ice cream tastes and feels in their mouth. But it usually stems from a difficult time in your life when you ate that food and it made you feel good, which tricks your brain into thinking that eating that food is the only way to feel good. In my 14 years of experience on the show, there’ve been many people who haven’t lost weight for a few weeks, and it’s always because they refuse to get to the bottom of their emotional issues. When people delve into the reasons why they’re overweight — and everyone who resorts to a reality TV show for weight loss has emotional baggage — the pounds fall off. Emotional breakdowns are almost always followed by weight-loss breakthroughs. “

5. I can’t even with this whole part of his interview. I know that he believes it does, but his “14 years of experience on the show” do not qualify him to make any assertions about the mental health of contestants. Please for the love of everything holy, if you believe that psychological issues are affecting your weight or health, consultant a mental health professional and not the guy who used to host “Fun House”. He has no idea what he is talking about.

JD: “6. Weight loss begins in your bedroom. Most of the overweight people I’ve worked with sleep in bedrooms that are piled high with unopened mail, months worth of laundry, unopened boxes, candy wrappers, and dirty dishes. They wake up to so much chaos that they automatically feel defeated — they’re just trying to survive, and when you’re in survival mode, you can’t really be in bettering-your-life mode.”

6. This here: “Most of the overweight people I have worked with sleep in bedrooms that are piled high with unopened mail, months worth of laundry, unopened boxes, candy wrappers, and dirty dishes.” WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT? In addition to perpetuating false stereotypes attributing negative qualities to people who are not of average size which adds to the oppression of fat people[iv], who exactly is he talking about? My house was immaculate before the show and sure as hell doesn’t resemble what he describes even with a rambunctious seven-year-old now, nor did the houses of my fellow contestants. I want to hear from all the contestants whose houses he has been in, I barely saw this dude on set much less ever had him visit my home.

JD: “7. It’s incredibly difficult to turn your back on people who are too sick for the show. A couple of years ago, a contestant who’d auditioned four years in a row failed the medical examination that would have qualified him for the show. He went home, and three months later, he died of a heart attack. It really upset me because we could have helped. I like to think that a lot of these people can help themselves, but the truth is that many of them just won’t. Extreme Weight Loss on ABC actually came out of the fact that we were sending people away from castings on The Biggest Loser because they were too big, and I said, “We’ve got to help these people. I can’t send them home to a most certain death.”

7. It’s funny to me that he claims to feel guilt about turning people away from the show but seems to show zero remorse for telling people to dehydrate right before the finale, perpetuating negative stereotypes about bigger bodies, endangering the lives of contestants while on the show, and for cutting contestants off with zero aftercare, precisely when he himself stated above in the interview that they would need the most help – when the accountability of the show was conveniently gone. I genuinely believe that JD Roth comes from a place of concern trolling greed where he rationalizes the harm this show does and counts his money to sleep at night.

JD: “8. Everyone would start asking me how to lose weight. Prior to doing the show, I was a television producer who was very into fitness and very into diet, but I couldn’t say that I was a weight loss expert at that point. I didn’t know my job would be so much more than turning on the cameras and telling the story — I set out simply trying to create emotional moments. But ultimately, it fell on me, even off-camera, to help these people work through their emotional issues. And 14 years later, I can say there are very few people that have the amount of experience that I have doing this. Now everywhere I go, people want to know how to lose weight.”

8. Please JD enlighten us, what exactly is your education in nutrition, exercise physiology and medicine? Because stating that you are a fitness expert because you were the producer of a television show and “everyone would start asking me how to lose weight” is like claiming you’re a surgeon because you produced “Grey’s Anatomy.” No. Nope. No. That is not how it works.

JD: “9. The show’s success would make my mom into a pseudo Weight Watchers celeb. After Biggest Loser became such a hit, my mom — who’d always struggled with her weight despite going to Weight Watchers for 25 years — turned into this celebrity at Weight Watchers, where everyone would ask her about the contestants and what went on behind the scenes. It turned into a social thing for her, so she kept going.”

9. Awesome for your mom I guess? Though as a former contestant on your show I have to say pseudo-fame is more trouble than it was worth. I wonder if years later strangers ask her what she weighs still too? Nice that you could provide her with that experience.

JD: “10. Show ratings matter — but not as much as the mission. Ratings let me do another season to help more people. But I’d rather read an email from someone who couldn’t get pregnant until I helped her lose the weight than check my ratings the second they come out.”

10. I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe reading this one JD. I’m curious do you also read the emails from the former contestants that have fertility issues resulting from the disordered eating habits taught them on the show? Oh wait, I know that answer to that; you don’t read emails or take calls from the majority of former contestants at all.

JD: “11. Contestants would become my real friends. I go to former contestants’ weddings, I’m there when they have their babies, I make them dinner when they’re in town. One of them wanted to run the Las Vegas Marathon and couldn’t afford the entry fees, so I paid. I get attached to these people. It’s more than TV. “

11. I’m dying to know which former contestant had JD Roth attend the birth of their child. I know a few former contestants and unless “greedy manipulative asshole” is the hip new way kids refer to their friends, I’m genuinely surprised to hear this, but hey it takes all kinds to make the world go round maybe he really did get attached to “these people.”

JD: “12. Weight loss can ruin so many marriages. There are many marriages among people who met on The Biggest Loser, but the show also has led to quite a few divorces. Contestants come to us so broken, settling in every area of their life, and after they lose hundreds of pounds and deal with their mental issues, they go home with this newfound strength and demand a better life. They realize they’ve changed, but no one else has, and end up getting divorced.”

12. “Weight Loss can ruin so many marriages” which he then goes on to exploit as though it were a love story when it benefits ratings while accepting zero culpability for isolating contestants from their spouses during a very psychologically and physically grueling process while offering zero family and marriage counseling to deal with it all. During my season two contestants had an affair. No judgment, it happens. However the show went on to basically erase the wife as though she never existed, provide the man with a ring and stage the proposal on the reunion special. Way to exploit the hell out of that situation for your own purposes JD.

JD: “13. Many contestants would work so hard only to gain all the weight back. So many former contestants reach out to me after the show with good news and bad — but it’s when they stop touching base that they really need help. I’ve seen so many people lose 200 pounds, have surgery to remove all of the excess skin from their body — which is a very painful and long recovery — and then gain all the weight back within a year. They do all of the physical work to get their lives back, but none of the mental work — and that’s where the real gain comes from.”

13. This one infuriates me the most. “So many former contestants reach out to me after the show with good news and bad — but it’s when they stop touching base that they really need help.” Every contestant I know that reached out for help when the starving and over training was no longer possible or their health started to deteriorate NEVER got a response. There is NO after care for contestants. NONE. To act like contestants who gain weight back have failed somehow is the biggest evil this show perpetrates on the public and participants. I am fortunate enough that my family intervened and took me to a therapist, a registered dietician, an MD and a trainer with education in exercise physiology. Others did not have that opportunity and when their bodies or minds could no longer take the abuse of severe restriction and over trainings, their bodies quit responding. There is only so much abuse your body will take before it revolts.

Here is the deal; this man is no more qualified to tell you how to care for your health than I am to be an astronaut. JD Roth is the producer of a TV show that exploits a vulnerable population and is looking to milk one more dollar out of you before his fat shaming atrocities fade into oblivion as they should in the face of a body love revolution that is supported by empirical data. Loving your body as it is, nourishing it with foods filled with vitamins and minerals, and moving your body daily is the way to health. Ignore the exploitative propaganda of a man who built his success on you hating your body and find health through self-care.