Monday, January 31, 2011

Those darn achy milestones...

Yesterday marked 2 years ago that I ruptured with Zac.

Saturday night I felt restless and sad. It's not like this day holds MORE pain than others...just a "special" pain "saved" just for these days. When I finally got to sleep, my dreams became nightmares. I kept dreaming that I was reaching for Zac, that he was "lost"...just very sad visions.

I woke up feeling crushed, and physically ill.

And then in true tug-of-emotional-war...

Evan woke, and my heart overflowed with love and gratitude for the little boy in my arms. For the fight BOTH my sons gave. For the memories of them together inside of me, and for the few precious days outside of me.

I know some dreams will never come true...but some will never be forgotten and cherished.

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About Me

After 10 years of unexplained infertility and after our 1st IVF and then loss of our first babies - a triplet prior to 6 weeks and then our identical twins days before 12 weeks (Dec. 6 '07)...round 2 of IVF blessed us with fraternal twin boys - Zac Michael and Evan Brett. After delivering the boys at 28 weeks 1 day (March 6, 2009 - Zac 2lb 5ou and Evan 2lb 9ou), and three days after their birth, Zac went home to heaven to be with his brothers (March 9, 2009). 66 days in NICU and 2 weeks before my actual due date...our precious son Evan came home weighing just under 5lbs! Our story and journey from the beginning can be read here.