i just found out today that my sons guidance councilor put our names in for the towns adopt a family thing. i myself am greatful for it. i seriously thought my kids wernt going to have xmas this year. we hit a really hard spot and between what we are backed up on and my kids needs and the damn price of oil im not going to have anything left to shop with. well not very much anyway. well now my sd is pissed because she doesnt want to be the towns charity case. i tried to explain it to her but shes not cracking. not sure how to handle it with her. the young ones dont know and wont know but shes older and she heard me on the phone. ugh!! i tried to explain to her that after everything is paid that leaves about $100 for xmas to cover 5 kids. thats not exactly alot and it definatly doesnt go far but shes still pissed. idk what to do now. i dont want her to be pissed at me but at the same time i dont want them to have a shitty xmas either.

This is probably good for her in the long run. My parents were on food stamps before they divorced and I was incredibly embarrassed by it. I have never, ever been on them or my father's SSI since turning 18. It meant for some pretty lean times as a single mom, but I wanted better. Now, life is good.

Try not to shame her for feeling embarressed. She'll go far.

*Everyone falls on hard times so I'm not trying to comment on you using the service. It is a blessing. I'm just saying it's good for her character development.*

by Anonymous 7

November 20, 2012 at 10:14 PM

If she is too good for charity then leave her out of the gifts altogether. Then she won't have to feel like a charity case.

by Anonymous 8

November 20, 2012 at 10:17 PM

I needed it after we left my children's father one year. The kids got amazing presents and clothes and shoes. Even things with their names stitched on! Tell your SD to pitch in with the bills or tell her she doesn't need to recieve any presents if she's going to be negative about it or even that if you don't get help she will only be getting $20 worth of Christmas presents this year.

Tell her to relax. The only one that knows is the guidance lady.Teens are so darn worried about image. I gotta say though this time I know how she feels! One year, right after my house burned down , we were adopted by the school. I was mortified but the principal told me NO ONE knows. . I cried when they delivered everything. My kids had so much stuff, coats and clothes and toys. Tell her to relax. None of her friends will know.

My mom passed in November when I was 12 and I was downright humiliated and angry at all the people who turned out to "help" us for Christmas. We didn't need money or anything, but they kind of tried to temporarily adopt my sister and I for the whole season as their charity case. Kids we barely knew from school would invite us over for dinner (at their parents' behest, I'm sure, I was an animal-loving loner and my sister was wild and uncontrollable; we weren't exactly popular), they'd send gifts to us, neighbours would offer to decorate our house and cook meals and stuff.

You know what happened on Boxing Day (day after Christmas)?

The phone stopped ringing. People stopped dropping by. No one invited us over. Neighbors pretended they weren't home again.

I despise holiday-related charity. It's phoney and the people who perpetuate it are only in it to assuage their guilt for being uncaring assholes the other 11 months of the year. They forget about you the moment the holiday is over, but you don't. You remember the feelings of shame, of being their cause-du-jour, of being a charity case.

It sucks. It fucking sucks to be the charity case, whether anyone else knows it or not. It's fine when you're 5 and you're getting a toy from a pile of donated ones. It's an entirely different thing to be a teenager and be someone's charity case.

I was thinking the same thing. Nobody will force her to accept the gifts. I guess she is in this "what will my friends think" stage. The problem is that teenagers do not understand what it means to hit a hard spot, struggling to pay the bills, and trying to make Christmas a wonderful experience for the family. No, it is not all about gifts. But let´s be honest...would your children not be sad if there was NOTHING. I mean nothing, no Christmas tree, no presents, nothing. I know mine would because it is a special time for our family.

OP, please do not let her ruin Christmas for the rest of you. If she chooses to exclude herself from you, then so be it. Let her do it. Your other children should not have to pay the price for her selfishness. Others would be grateful for it.

Quoting zildjans_mom:

Tell her she doesn't have to participate or accept any of the gifts but she gets nothing then. sorry momma things will get better