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6 Common Gay Cruising Behaviors That I’ll Never Understand

As a sexually liberated Gay man, there’s one staple of “Gay culture” that I’ve been quite fond of over the years: Cruising. Cruising has given me opportunities to explore myself sexually and, in turn, learn about myself, as a whole (or a whole hoe…either works). Not to mention, it just makes sex that much more fun. However, there’s a few common things I’ve seen and experienced in cruising spaces that confuse me, if not put me off. I feel like I’m not alone in any of these, so let’s share:

1) Blocking traffic

I do enjoy seeing men hit it off and enjoy their sexuality with each other (even where I’m not involved), but like…I’m also not a voyeur. I’d rather be cruising around for dick (so I can enjoy thotty self like y’all) than being stuck, idly watching. Shift over to the nearest corner or a spot off to the side, so we can walk through. But what really gets me is the dudes who can clearly see they’re blocking people, but still don’t move. Assholes! Let’s be more cognizant of others in our sluttery…MOVE!

2) Bottoms competing with each other

If you recall me talking about how patriarchy affects Gay/Queer men’s spaces, this is (maybe?) another example. There’s this common idea that bottoms exist in excess, while tops are unicorns. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard something like, “What do you call a Top in [insert ANY given city here]? A visitor,” I’d probably be able to pay rent for the next 3 months. I, personally, don’t buy into that mindset, because…I mean…I’m finding dick just fine. But I think this notion feeds into a “competitive” mindset among bottoms; a mindset we never see among tops. Every now and then, I’ll be hitting it off with a guy in a given cruising space, and another bottom will attempt to derail that encounter. I tend to let the “competing” bottom have him (I refuse to fight for dick)…or (more likely scenario) the dude is enthralled with me and ain’t checking for him, because…duh. Sorry about your luck, but…leave people to their fucking. The whole top/bottom dynamic makes this whole thing even more annoying, if not sad…but the very act of interrupting folks who already have something going on is tacky, in and of itself.

Speaking of which…

3) Interrupting ongoing play

I’ve long considered myself an exhibitionist. But over the years, I’ve found myself seeking out more private spaces, even while publicly cruising. This is because dudes just don’t know how to be good voyeurs. Being watched can be pretty damn fun…until dudes see fit to insert themselves where they weren’t invited. Sometimes another guy coming into ongoing play is welcome, but more often than not, just stand back and watch. When guys try and put themselves into a session without invite, it’s a mood killer…and I find it happens more often than not when in public spaces. So, these days, my M.O. is to feel a dude out then find the nearest “private” spot (be it a booth, my room at a bathhouse, etc.) before we really get into it. It’s just better that way because dudes are trash.

…because this is one of VERY few bathhouse photos I could find with a Black guy involved

4) Exchanging your real numbers

Now, one thing I’ve learned over the years is, a good fuck while cruising seldom ever translates to anything worthwhile once you’ve left that space. Endorphins are heightened in cruising spaces, and you might find yourself enjoying an encounter in that space and moment, only to find any attempts at replicating it falling tragically short. I’ve learned not to bother exchanging numbers, at all, unless the chemistry (and dick) was truly exceptional. But either way, giving your actual, real-ass number out to that much random, un-vetted dick? I can’t relate.

5) Sex-shaming

This is an ultimate one. Confuses the hell out of me, but makes total sense, at the same time. Imagine, being in a cruising space, getting your lights pounded out, enjoying yourself. And afterwards, moving on and happening across some queens snickering and giving judgmental comments that no one asked for.

This isn’t uncommon, at all. And if it doesn’t happen to me, I watch it happen to other people. It’s as annoying as it is sad. This kinda goes back to what I’ve previously discussed around HIV stigma. People who haven’t been able to deal with the fact that they’re lacking something (and in this shitty white supremacist system, we ALL are) love being able to place themselves above someone else. If that means going into a sex-positive space and passing judgment on people who are actually enjoying themselves? So be it, apparently. I really just wish people would find a more constructive way to deal with their regressive attitudes around their own sexuality. Or, perhaps, you were just having a bad night, where no guys were checking for you (been there…rare, but been there). Whatever the issue is, find a better, more productive way to cope with your sad existence, that doesn’t involve trying to dim someone else’s good time. Please and thanks!

6) Walking around bathhouses barefoot

I’ve been going to bathhouses for around 7 years, now. I’ve never been to a bathhouse where I haven’t seen this and from day one, this has always thrown me off. And look, I get it’s totally nonsensical (if not hypocritical) of me to critique anyone’s hygiene, in a space where bodily fluids are literally being exchanged left and right, but…ugh. I’ve seen dudes bust on the floor, used condoms be dropped, lube spilled, pools of sweat, minor remnants of bottoms who didn’t fully prep, etc. I just can’t fathom my feet stepping through all of that. I don’t care how well-maintained the bathhouse is, I just can’t do it. At the very least, put on some damn flip-flops!

And those are some of the main ones that come to mind for this piece. If any fellow cruisers/thots have any additional ones, feel free to share in the comments!

P.S. While I have your attention, please be sure to check out some of my work, advocating for HIV prevention!

Much of this piece can be credited to some decent bourbon. I do some of my best blogging while buzzed, so…if you enjoyed this, feel free to buy me more!