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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Have you ever had a pair of jeans that were perfect? They fit just right, made your legs look long and your butt look small. The pair that are perfect with every outfit and make you feel like hot stuff when you wear them. The ones that are so comfortable, they feel like pajamas. But not to be mistaken for pajama jeans. Those are just weird.

I have jeans like that. A few pairs actually. The tragedy is that they do not fit this big belly anymore (or this big butt, thighs, or cankles), and haven't for months. So I got these. And for the majority of this pregnancy, they have been great. They fit like maternity clothes but look like regular clothes. Win win. Except for one tiny detail....I outgrew them. Not completely, but they are tight everywhere. Everywhere. And instead of feeling great in them, I feel fat, uncomfortable, and self-conscious. But that's not the worst part. You wanna know the worst part? My jeans, the ones that are supposed to grow with me, are taunting me. From the inside out, these stupid jerk jeans are reminding me of what I'm not. These jeans are a big, stupid jerk. See for yourself:

I'm sure the "Always Skinny" thing was great as some boardroom concept. "Hey, let's make all the pregnant women feel skinny when they are twice their normal size by stitching this stupid jerk clever tag in their pants so every time they take the 300 pee breaks a day, heaving their enormous bodies into random bathrooms across America, they can be reminded of what they once were and feel totally stylish."

Not cool, maternity jeans from a big name chain, not cool. Not only am I wearing jeans with an elastic waist band at 29, every time I struggle to wiggle them past my hips I see that stupid tag and it makes me angry. Always skinny I am not. Always wanting to wear jeans that make me feel cool? Yes. Having my clothes remind me that I am enormous and not living up to the standard they have set for me? Not so much. Not cool at all, jeans. Not cool at all.