Foreign Matter—the movie

Toby travels with an American woman who pays. He's got it made, except that her nine-year-old daughter is smarter than he is. Based on the novel:

“A very, very funny book"—The West Coast Review of Books

“Enormously enjoyable”—Kirkus Reviews

“Fresh and spirited”—Publishers Weekly

Think of:

Toby Tucker gets along as a tour guide,
though all he knows how to do is keep the clients amused.

Proposed cast: Hugh Grant

In Venice he
falls for rich bubble-head Marcie but can't afford her style. "To-bee! Let's just live on my money!" Well—it’s awkward but what can one say? He reclines into the good life.

Marcie Harding, sweet, fresh, blonder
than blonde and all heart, is a lonely widow who takes a tour in
Venice. Toby abandons the tour to take her to Rome, and when he
runs out of cash is about to abandon her. He loves her more than he knows.

But for Andrea, things would be
perfect. "The child." Toby and Marcie are no smarter than anybody
else; the child is smarter than anybody else. She'd have got rid of
him long ago but her mommy loves him, so she keeps him around to, how
shall I say, play with. When you’re not looking she rotates her head like Linda Blair.

When Haze spends Marcie’s money on a painting for the Harding Memorial Museum it looks like Toby's meal ticket is gone.

Proposed cast: Catherine Tate

Johna Nerg is the butch-nightmare artist
whose painting Toby accidentally steps in, sits in and sets on fire.
He really doesn't mean it but she thinks, as who does not, that he's
trying to destroy it—and gets real mean with him.

He has no choice, finally, but to try to steal it. But until the child takes a hand, nothing works.