Aussie politicians tripped up by foot in the mouth-itis

Full Comment’s Araminta Wordsworth brings you a daily round-up of quality punditry from across the globe. Today: Australians go to the polls Saturday to choose a new leader.

Although it’s unlikely Kevin Rudd will still be prime minister when the votes are tallied up, he’s been the clear winner on the hustings — or at least less gaffe-prone that his rival Tony Abbott.

The Liberal party leader is battling an image problem, which stems from his penchant for appearing in skimpy swimwear — known locally as “budgie smugglers” or “banana basket” for obvious reasons. He is also prone to sexist remarks, despite the presence of his daughters.

Abbott is not the only speaker to suffer from foot in the mouth-itis. The election campaign has turned up a bumper crop of bloopers, mis-speakings and cringe-worthy moments.

You gotta go where the vote is. Standing with his arms around his two younger daughters, an embarrassed-looking Frances, 22, and Bridget, 20, Abbott woos contestants in the Australian version of Big Brother.

“I’ve got my daughters here with me because to be honest, as with all parents, they’re our best asset,” he says. “If you want to know who to vote for, I’m the guy with the not bad looking daughters.”

The Big Brother contestants, locked away in a house on Queensland’s Gold Coast, could be heard saying “weird” and appeared to squirm as they covered their mouths in stunned laughter.

Do you think they’re sexy? Standing beside Bridget, who appeared to wince again, Abbott responds to a question about Fiona Scott, a Liberal party candidate in Sydney, and her predecessor, Jackie Kelly.

“They’re young, they’re feisty, I think I can probably say have a bit of sex appeal, and they are just very very connected to the local area,” he said.

“Yes it’s a hot topic here because our traffic is overcrowded. How much fun is the M4 in peak hour? It’s not fun, at all.”

The M4 connects the inner-west with the outer suburbs of Sydney. Scott’s comment prompted a stream of tweets, including one which asked whether jams were caused by “all those refugees towing their boats down the motorway.” After the furor, the candidate claimed her quotes had been taken out of context. Of course.

“No one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom,” he declared, presumably intending to say “repository.”

“Rudd the butt of Abbott’s joke,” declared one online news headline.

The hashtag #suppository was trending on Twitter and photographs of Abbott appeared with captions such as “know your enema” and “squeezing out a policy.”

Try finding it on the map. Stephanie Banister, a candidate for the fringe One Nation Party, has trouble with religion.

“I don’t oppose Islam as a country, but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia,” she said. She went on to confuse “haram” with the Koran and said Jews followed Jesus Christ.

Party leader Jim Savage said she had withdrawn her candidacy “following the disgraceful way she has been portrayed by recent media [and] ridicule over a minor gaffe.”

So that’s why Rupert is getting a divorce. Mining magnate Clive Palmer, who is running for a Senate seat as leader of his own party the Palmer United Party, went on a morning talk show to talk about the yellow peril.

“Rupert Murdoch’s wife Wendi Deng is a Chinese spy. She’s been spying on Rupert for years, giving money back to Chinese intelligence, he said.

“Clive, have you lost the plot?” asked the visibly shocked presenter, Karl Stefanovic.

Advantage Rudd. Abbott’s foreign policy platform — Australia should take a cautious approach to Syria, described as “baddies versus baddies,” and should not “be getting ideas beyond our station” — allows Rudd to fire off a zinger:

“Australians have always had ideas above their station. It is that in fact that defines us. The conservative mission, sometimes explicitly stated as such, is to return us to that point in history when everything is imagined to have been just fine and dandy — in the case of Australia’s conservatives, a cocktail of the 1950s, Upstairs Downstairs and Downton Abbey — where plainly everyone did know ‘their station.'”