Thursday, March 04, 2010

I grew a set of balls with my husband, sort of.

My husband and I have a disagreement. It's a really big one. He has stated that he plans to Ferberize our child when she turns two and that I am no longer going to night nurse her. I don't believe in Ferberizing and I do not see the harm in night nursing.At night, she nurses to bed for approximately 15 minutes. She wakes up twice for a diaper change at which time, I nurse her again for 5 minutes. It's all on me. Why is he so adamant?Now some may say he just misses me and not in the sexual way. To me, I just have to say this. Tough cookies. First of all, the man doesn't sleep with me at night, not even before TG. He stays up watching television or doing whatever and then passes out on the floor in the living room. Around 4am when he wakes up to walk the dog, he'll drag his butt in and crash.If TG wakes up at 4am for a diaper change and milk, he seems annoyed. If TG wakes up at 7:30am, he seems annoyed. Tough cookies. Go to bed earlier. For me it's simple. The benefits I've seen and continue to see regarding breastfeeding and attachment parenting outweigh his feelings.I know that sounds cruel but I"m sorry, I do all the nighttime parenting. I'm the one reading a million journals, websites and books. I'm the one who tries to be inclusive of TG in my daily life. DH is a great dad and an awesome SAHD and he has generally sided with me and followed my lead and respected my wishes on how to parent. I'm just taken aback by his daily comments now about attachment parenting and breastfeeding.Part of this could be the fact TG is extremely clingy of late. This is due to her first illness but it's also probably due to the fact I'm her Mom. I think kids this age like to hang out with their Mom. Does DH feel slighted when TG turns to him and says, "No No and runs to me?" Maybe.I know he gets annoyed when she calls him Mommy. I'm sorry I can't change that. She uses Mommy and Daddy interchangeably with him. I don't think it is some spiteful thing. It's a kid learning her words.Now, I know some folks say, "Be understanding of his needs." Not to be callous but I think I am. There are many things that I have learned to deal with and handle. There are alot of things I try to be supportive of. The bottom line is this, the weight is on me. I am not asking him to do anything different or sacrifice anything. He still gets to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it and how he wants to do it. Leave us be.Ok, some folks will say, well in his mind he is sacrificing you and your attention less on him and more on your child. Isn't that what it's supposed to be? Buddy for 13 years all I did was put you on a pedestal and maybe that's why this is partly my fault but we have a toddler who is just learning the world and will need our guidance for quite some time.I guess this is all coming out not only because of his daily comments but because of his late night comments he has made these nights that TG has been sick and in need of comfort. I also didn't like the time he had negative comments about me and said them in front of my daughter. For me, it's ok to disagree in front of TG but not get personal. That's not what I want her to learn as a fair fight/argument.He made it sound like it was such an imposition on him that TG was ill and had needs. Am I spoiling her by listening to her and responding? I'm I a pushover?Am I siding with my child? Yes. Do I think I'm being hard on my husband? No. And if you know me, you'd be floored by that. I will pretty much give in to my husband for anything he asks but for this, I have very strong feelings. I don't know how this will play.