It’s Not Okay

When your child picks up a handful of dirt, walks over to another child, calls him a name, and throws the dirt right in his face… while you sit mere feet away and say nothing…. you are teaching him that what he is doing is okay.

When one of your soccer players tells you about the dirt thrown in his face… and all you do is tell him to go line up at mid-field… you are telling him that what happened to him is okay.

When two boys are shoving a child back and forth between them as they stand in line to take shots on goal, when they keep doing it over and over… with coaches standing right beside them and parents watching from the sidelines, no one saying anything… it tells those little boys that what they are doing is okay.

And since that’s okay, those same boys start punching the boy standing between them. And yanking on his arms. And pushing him to the ground.

But none of it is okay.

It’s not a matter of soccer being a contact sport. This was not contact made accidentally in the course of playing, when multiple players are going after a ball.

It’s not a matter of “boys will be boys.” I have three boys of my own. I know their play can be rough. But that doesn’t mean they can physically attack another child.

Yet by the silence of every adult on that field, these boys were learning that they could get away with it.

And if they can get away with all of that when they are surrounded by adults then what would they try if the adults weren’t there?

And that little boy being hurt? He was learning that adults wouldn’t keep him safe. That he could be hurt by other kids and no one would do anything to stop it.

And that’s not okay.

So that is why I stormed onto that field and yelled at those boys, telling them they are not allowed to touch my son.

And when they still did not stop immediately, I yelled again, telling them to stop right now. I could see that my son was getting ready to blow, as you can only expect him to take so much.

The boys finally stopped and I marched back off the field, after telling them all to keep their hands to themselves.

I told the coaches “That is not okay. They can’t do that to each other.”

And I glared at the other parents and asked “What the hell is the matter with you?”

I sat back in my chair, shaking.

Repeating over and over to myself, “This is not okay, this is not okay.”

Had it been my boys who had been doing any of these things, I would have spoken up. I would have yelled out at them to stop. I would have pulled them off the field if they didn’t stop.

I would not have just sat there and let it happen.

We can teach our kids right from wrong. We can tell them that they aren’t allowed to hurt others. That’s a lesson they should all learn.

But just because they have been taught that lesson doesn’t mean they’ll always behave perfectly. They are kids- they are still learning.

That’s why it’s our job as adults to remind them of these things. To put a stop to it when we see a child hurting another child.

Maybe I simply should have pulled my boys off the field and left to get them away from a situation where they were being hurt.

But then again- they weren’t doing anything wrong. I’m glad they saw that their mom would stand up for them and keep them safe. I’m glad they saw that the kids hurting them were made to stop. That they saw that it wasn’t okay.

Because I can’t always be there to step in.

And this situation has shown me that I can’t count on other adults to step in, either.

So they need to learn that if something like this is happening, it’s okay to try to get it to stop. They need to know that sort of behavior is not okay and that they don’t have to stand there and take it.

And maybe those parents and coaches will think more about situations like that and realize they should step in if their players are hurting each other or if their children are hurting someone else.

That silent observation isn’t going to stop it. That it will most likely escalate.

And that it doesn’t take much to stop it. Let the kids know they are being watched. Tell them to stop.

Talk to the kids about what is appropriate and what is not.

Realize that they are the kids and we are the adults. And we have a responsibility to guide them.

I still can’t make myself be okay with what happened. It went way past the point it should have, given how many adults were right there watching. I still find myself muttering to myself “It’s not okay, I don’t know how to be okay with this” whenever I think about it.

When we wonder why bullying has gotten so out of control, realize that adults who choose to do nothing when they see things like this are a part of the problem.

Don’t let these things slide past in the name of boys will be boys. Let kids know that it’s not okay.

I’m not happy that it got to the point where I needed to. But it was getting really bad out there. I kept thinking that those boys’ moms would say something to them or the coaches, but it never happened.

It’s not okay at all and parents really are a part of the bullying problem. They need to teach kids how to treat others and to enforce those rules. What happened to you and your son is awful and I know I would have reacted the same way. Hugs to both of you.

Go you, Shell! I’m so glad you did what you did, because IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Shame on the coaches and the other parents.

If I hear another person utter, “boys will be boys”, I will throat punch them. We need to change that old-fashioned mindset. Boys can be gentle, kind, generous, sweet, non-aggressive. They can also be roughhousing, active, energetic, playful. That does not translate to mean and bullying behavior. We, as parents, are responsible for making sure they know the difference.

LOL But I love it. Because I am tired of boys will be boys, too. It’s not an excuse for every bad thing that boys do. Someone else said in the comments that in her house it’s “boys will be gentlemen.” I am in love with that.

OMG I would have been right there with you blowing my top. Then I probably would have jerked the parents up by their heads and asked IS THAT OKAY ASSHOLE?? Yeah I totally would have blown it. It isn’t okay, it is NEVER okay. I would have wore my boys out for that kind of behavior and MADE them sit out of the practice, period.

I keep thinking that- that if it had been MY boys doing this, instead of having it done to them- there is NO WAY I would have let it go. They would have been in so much trouble. I don’t understand the moms who were just letting it happen.

I think they are. The moms all stayed off the field at Monday’s practice. And the coaches made any child who did something to another run a lap.

And I’m glad this woke them up. At least the coaches. The moms might just be afraid of me. But I keep thinking that if it had been my child- I would have stopped it. And if it had gotten to the point where some other mom had had to step in to correct my child like that, I would be mortified.

Boys will be boys does not fly in our house of testosterone – it’s boys will be gentlemen. Period.

With all the coverage of the Steubenville rape case right now, similar thoughts have run through my mind – someone saw, someone didn’t stand up, some adults looked the other way. A large leap for sure from soccer field to criminal behavior, but thank you for doing the right thing. I can’t begin to fathom what the Hell was wrong with the rest of the adults. The coach, for Pete’s sake!

I love that and will be using it in my house. I agree. I’ve been talking to my boys since this happened, going over different scenarios and asking them what they would do or if they think different things are okay- and they KNOW. I’m not saying that they never do anything wrong- they are kids. But they are taught better and we expect them to do their best- and we’ll correct them if they are doing something they shouldn’t.

The Steubenville case blows my mind. All those people talking about those poor boys. Poor boys my ass. They did something atrocious. I bet they HAVE been getting away with all kinds of things up to this point- and they just finally took it to a point where they had consequences. I wonder if it would have been different if someone had stepped in earlier and let them know that they still have to be kind and decent human beings and can’t do whatever they want.

When I read this, that was exactly where my mind went. If it’s okay to abuse one child’s body in this way, how is abusing the body of another person any different when all those pubescent hormones kick in?

I’m sorry you and your son had to go through this. I hate the phrase “boys will be boys”. I have one and I know they can play rough, but what those kids were doing to your son was not right at all. You did the right thing by stepping in. It’s a sad day when you have to parent other people’s children.

Boys will be boys shouldn’t be an excuse. I might say it jokingly when mine do something like some how manage to find the only mud puddle on the entire playground and turn into messes… but it doesn’t excuse bad behavior.

As the mom of a boy who spent most of his 3rd grade year being bullied and terrorized…I’m glad you stepped in and said something! It’s awful that some parents let their children get away with behaving that way.

I’m so sorry your son had to go through that. Whenever I’ve dealt with a bully(back when I was teaching), pretty much every single time- the parent saw NOTHING wrong with what their child was doing. It was terrible.

I mean, did the coaches ever SAY anything afterwards? Or did it just slide off their back? I would be livid and traumatized! As the mom of one very sensitive and sweet-natured 3 year old boy, this is my absolute worst nightmare.

At first, they did nothing. And then they did call the kids together and tell them they all had to keep their hands to themselves, even if they were only doing it to joke around with a friend. I can tell you that what was happening on that field was NOT joking around.

We’ve had one practice since and they are taking it more seriously- any child who does anything to another runs a lap.

I still don’t feel comfortable with my boys there. I will be sitting there watching like a hawk and stepping in if I see anything- I did yell at a boy from across the field to keep his hands to himself.

But my boys want to keep playing and the season is almost over, so we’re pushing through. I don’t want to punish my boys by not having them play.

My son’s soccer team does just fine, but I have never had any issue with jumping in when there’s been shenanigans, not only when it’s my kid. That may be part of the reason why the other soccer moms don’t sit near me or talk to me, but you know what? I don’t care about that. I care about the kids, especially mine.

We’ve had one soccer practice since and none of the moms came to the field until the last five minutes of practice. I think they are afraid of me. They shouldn’t be. Unless their kids do things like this and they choose to just sit there and do nothing again. 😉

The other boys have kicked my sons ball right out from under his feet before, kind of just messing around but that is still not the way to act. I spoke to the coach directly about it right away when I first saw it happening because stuff can get out of control very quickly if adults do not step in. Like you said, they are children and they need guidance. I cannot believe their parents did NOTHING. That just scares me.

I am glad you stepped in and spoke your mind, Shell. And I know that shaking, angry feeling, unfortunately.

That was something else that was going on, too(edited for length purposes). While they were standing in line, each was supposed to have their own ball to take their turn shooting on goal. And one of the boys kept kicking my son’s clear across the field and then shoving him, telling him he had to go get it. Coach only saw the ball across the field and told my son to go get it. Which of course made the boy who kept kicking it laugh. It’s not a situation where they are playing and a ball gets taken away from them- that’s the game of soccer, it happens. It was during a totally inappropriate time. There were so many little things like this that happened at that practice, leading up to my outburst. I really didn’t want to go back.

This made my blood boil when I saw your FB post and it makes my blood boil again. It’s totally and completely not OK. What we say and don’t say and what we do and don’t do as adults do shine the path on what is or is not acceptable behavior. I’m really glad that you stepped in and I’m so sorry that you and your boys had to go through this.

That was so not ok what happened out there. I am so glad you stepped in but you’re right it should have been stopped by the other parents and adults before it ever got to that point. Situations like this send me to my knees regularly when i think about sending my son with some extra challenges out into the world. Parents really need to recognize their childrens actions and take the necessary actions to teach them whats ok and whats not ok. Thank you for sharing this.

I don’t even know what to say, so upsetting is the situation you described. You stepped in when other did not and your boys know they can count on you. That’s about the only “okay” thing here. Good job, Mama!

I cannot even imagine watching my child hurting another and doing nothing. I’d be out on that field so fast. I’m sorry that you and your boy had to go through that. But I love that you took matters into your own hands once nothing was done. My son will never get to hid behind the excuse that boys will be boys. He will learn what is ok and what is not ok.

Shell, I’m in shock and upset for you and your son. It is not okay at all. Sports are supposed to be about having fun and being part of a team. I’m sharing your post with my husband who’s a soccer coach. He coaches 3-6 year olds. We need to teach them early on that bullying is not okay. Sending you my support and love.

Thanks for sharing- and for the support. Kids really do need to learn from an early age that these things are not okay. If they get away with it when they are young, they are going to keep thinking it’s okay. You can’t let a child get away with it when they are young and then all of a sudden at some magic age start telling them oh,no, you actually aren’t allowed to hurt others.

How absolutely horrible that all those adults stood by and watched as your son was being physically assaulted. My son is only two, and he knows better than to hit other children. In fact, he’s the only one in his class, his teacher said, who refuses to hit others, and I’m proud of that. I consistently stand up for my son and stepson in the playground if I see another child hitting them because other parents are just oblivious at times. Whether or not they are being oblivious purposely or not, I don’t care. Every child deserves to be treated with respect, and every guardian needs to consistently teach and show them that. Self-control is an important trait to have. Thank you for sharing this, Shell. And thank you for doing what nobody else would.

I find myself muttering “it’s not okay” at random moments when this crosses my mind. I am having a really hard time letting myself be okay with what happened. I was so upset over the thought of returning to practice that I almost made myself throw up.

I am seeing more and more passive parents. They don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. I would rather tell my five year old that is not right than shake my head when he is fifteen and wonder what I did wrong.

I totally understand. When I was teaching, bullying was the issue that gave me the most trouble. Because I could stop it in the moment, but I couldn’t keep it from happening again.

It really starts with the parents. And it needs to start young. Parents letting their kids know that this sort of behavior is not acceptable- that’s where it needs to start. That is what will change things.

What a shame that no one else stepped up to say anything. There are times when I feel shy or restricted in saying something to another child, but then there are times when my mama bear comes out and is in attack mode. I’m pretty sure mama bear would have made an appearance in that situation.

Good for you! And I know you would have done the same thing even if it were not your child. What scares me in addition to all in your post is the number of commentors ‘who can’t believe it’. I hear that phrase all the time and it irks me. Do we not pay attention to our world? Where are we living inside of our heads? When I taught middle school, I always taught a lesson on spacial awareness… being aware of your surroundings at all times. It was a fun lesson and created great conversations in class.

I think all those people saying they can’t believe it- they actually give me hope. They give me hope that there are others who think like I do and wouldn’t stand for this sort of thing to happen in front of them. We need more parents thinking that way. 🙂

UNbelievable… I could see every detail playing out on the field and no one paying any attention to the sheer bullying going on right before their eyes. What is WRONG with parents today? It’s everywhere. And it’s NOT okay…

I really wanted to know how they could all just sit there. It’s really the parents I was upset at. I wasn’t thrilled at the kids- but it was the parents’ lack of action that blew me away. I don’t understand how they could do nothing.

I cannot believe that no one said anything. I could *never* stand by and allow either of my boys to do something like that. I am glad that you stepped in, but sorry that you had to. Everyone – be they parent, child or coach – should know that that is not just roughhousing, it’s not just play and it is not okay.

If it was my kids doing that, I would have definitely stepped in. I already have, and I have stood up for my kids as well. What is wrong with parents? Are they too self-involved? Good for you. Have you had soccer again? Has anyone apologized to you? This reminds me of a situation PJ is having at school. Another boy, who’s 7 (PJ is nearly 4) – PJ complains about him hitting, kicking, etc., him on a daily basis. The teacher says she’s never seen an altercation between them. My husband said something to his mom yesterday and she said “I think it’s the other way around!” First of all, it’s totally possibly they are hitting EACH OTHER, but my son is 4. Yours is 7. And just saying that does NOT MAKE IT OKAY.

We had one game- Hubs was with me and we sat away from everyone. No one said a word to me.

We had one other practice. The coaches were paying better attention to what was going on and making kids run laps if they hurt anyone. None of the other parents even came onto the field, except for the team mom at the end of the practice, who had to tell me something. She approached me very cautiously. As she should have since it was her son who threw the dirt in my child’s face. But she only talked about the stupid trophy and pictures.

“But just because they have been taught that lesson doesn’t mean they’ll always behave perfectly. They are kids- they are still learning.

That’s why it’s our job as adults to remind them of these things. To put a stop to it when we see a child hurting another child.”

There’s a mom in my moms’ group with two very physical, violent children. She jokes that “they’re going to be the bullies”. It makes me cringe because they don’t HAVE to be, but they will because she has that attitude about it.

That scares me- when kids are allowed to get away with things like this at a young age, they are going to keep doing it. And it’s going to escalate as they get older. We can’t suddenly step in when they are teenagers and say oh, well NOW you have to have respect for other people. It’s too late then.

This sticks that you had to do this. I haven’t had to do it at sports activities as my boys don’t take part. However, I’ve stepped in at the playground and at Scouts. Unfortunately, I’ve had to do it from both directions – usually as the victim’s parent, but occasionally as the other. “But, Mom, that other kid did it to me,” has been said to me from my sons, as they have tried to get ahead in line of a smaller child in line for the slide or something. So they definitely learn. Mostly they keep their hands to themselves except in relation to each other which we re still working on curbing. My sons tend to be smaller than their classmates, and it really worries me, especially as they get older. At Scouts, it seems that the parents start talking to each other and totally miss what is going on with their kids or the kids they are supposed to be in charge of. I’ve also been accused of being a helicopter parent. Well, maybe, I am.

I loved when you stated by not sticking up for him, you were telling him it was okay what was happening to him. Sometimes our kids are not in situations where they can stick up for themselves and we have to do it for them. We really do need to teach our kids to not be bullies but more importantly we need to teach them how not to be a victim. Great post.

Oh girl now i know why you said you were exhausted after writing this! It makes me sick for you just reading it. And so so glad you stepped in–as even if it doesn’t help those other boys (though I think it will) it is helping your son know that you are there for him and that you will keep him safe. I am proud of you for stepping in.
And yes I am a mom who if I saw my son doing this to other kids, you can bet your butt I would be making him stop- heck I was yelling at him to put his shirt down when he just kept twisting it all up during practice last time- so definitely would not allow that.

You absolutely did the right thing. It is great that your boys know you will stand up for them, and that you will back them up if they defend themselves.

There is no excuse for parents and coaches standing by and allowing that kind of behavior to happen. No excuse. And all that “boys will be boys” stuff is a load of crap – being a boy is not a blanket permission to hurt someone else.

I’m sorry that happened. Good for you stepping in. I am in a similiar situation with my DD’s school. She is being bullied and when I went to the teacher, I was told DD is just sensitive. They took notice when during class one of the boys got out of his seat to go pinch her. My DD who is in Tae Kwon Do, had enough. She stood up, got into fighting stance and yelled in her loudest Tae Kwon Do voice to stop. She was the one who got in trouble. I stood up for her that day. I told them next time, she has my permission to knock him on his butt.

And if one of my boys had defended themselves against these kids- I would have talked to them about different choices they could have made- but to be honest, inwardly, I would have been cheering them on.

you are a kindred spirit of mine Shell, for sure. I open my mouth, I say what I feel, I say when it’s not right…
and I’m so glad you did too.
BRAVO and a hug from a mom who is so glad that you are in the world.

Exactly. You can bet that those boys had been allowed to get away with things like this when they were younger. And since no one stepped in to stop them, they kept pushing it, getting away with more and more.

Good for you and shame on those other parents. I’m astounded how hesitant many parents are to correct their own children’s actions–whether they’re endangering themselves or harming someone else. We’re the grown-ups. Stepping in and standing up is part of the job description.

So right on, Shell. When parents let tiny acts of violence and power slide, it leads to larger acts. “Boys will be boys” is the dumbest excuse for bad behavior. Boys will be what we teach them to be… so let’s all step it up a bit, shall we?

Are those parents & coaches dumb or lazy? I cannot–cannot–fathom how anyone would think that’s ok. I mean, what runs through your mind when you see that behavior? You have to be completely socially inept to think that’s ok. Shame on them all. Are those coaches too wimpy to say anything? Way to not man up.

That’s my biggest issue. The adults who did nothing. I’m not thrilled with the kids’ behavior- but someone needed to tell them to stop. They act that way because they continually are allowed to get away with it. And it’s NOT okay.

Ugh, I felt sick when I first heard this and hearing it again, makes me feel like I want to rise up with you and yell at those boys and the adults that did nothing. The worst part is “And this situation has shown me that I can’t count on other adults to step in, either.” You know what? I don’t blame you because there is no way to be okay with that.

It’s not ok, and you did the right thing. I wouldn’t have been able to hold in my frustration either. When parents are disconnected and stand around doing nothing while their kids are totally being mean, that is not OK. I get that “boys will boys”, that kids have to learn to work out their differences and get along with people they might not like, but there’s huge difference between kids just being kids and kids being MEAN. You did good!

Yes- we can’t always be there. They do have to learn to work it out. But when we are there and we do nothing, it sends them the wrong message. I shudder to think what these boys would do if there were no adults around at all.

This is why we are friends … well, one of the many, many reasons …
I am not very confrontational as a rule, but this stuff, this puts me over the edge … and I will tell off the adults too. Because if they are going to behave like children and not be the adults they are supposed to be .. then someone has to show their children right from wrong when they are not learning it at home.
Good for you.
And hugs xxxx

This make me so sad! Drake is only 3 and I already see these kinds of behavior taking place. We have actually been dealing with a situation of somebody close to our family being really rude to and making fun of Drake all while the parents say nothing. You absolutely did the right thing !

This makes me so sad. Every time I write about bullying and point out that it starts at home – I get eaten alive with hateful comments about “blaming parents”. The fact that these parents stood by in silence is sickening and indicative of this culture of violence in the US.

It really does start at home. It might not be that the parents bully- but if they let the kids get away with things like this, they are teaching their kids that it’s okay and their behaviors are going to get worse.

As a culture, we complain about bystanders and not acting in the defense of others. But when it really comes down to it, most of us perpetuate that by not speaking up ourselves. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children. You absolutely did the right thing. I would have responded in the same way. I can’t imagine watching my child act that way and not reacting to it.

You are absolutely right, it is not okay. It absolutely makes my blood boil when parents don’t correct the behavior and chalk it up to “kids being kids” – but what is even more shocking is that the coaches let it happen too. Good for you Shell for sticking up for you child – I’m right there with you – whether it is my child or not – it’s just not acceptable.

I’m glad you didn’t make your boys leave. They weren’t at fault, and I’m glad you stepped in and said something to the other kids. I don’t know what it has come to when parents don’t reprimand their children for acting that way. Like you, NO way would I have let my kids stand back and behave that way.

What the hell? I can’t believe that no one did anything. That’s truly shocking. Good for you, getting in there and stopping it. It’s interesting you wrote this today because I’m in the middle of writing a post about coping with the fear that I can’t always protect my girls. I’m sorry your son went through that, Shell.

We’ve entered the world of soccer and aggressive children AND parents. Crazy. Crazy because Julia is 4! and so are the others.
I can’t believe they, esp. the coaches, did nothing!
“It takes a village to raise a kid” and if I or you have to be the Chief, then so be it!

You go girl! I’m so sorry it came to that point but this makes me wonder about those two football players who raped that poor gal while she was passed out. I wonder if anyone ever stopped them from bullying, shoving, pushing…. Most likely not. I can’t imagine all the things they got away with to get them to the point that they thought they could get away with rape… It starts when they are kids. I can just see their parents sitting in the bleachers saying, “boys will be boys” as they bully another kid. Hopefully you woke a few parents up. Keep up the good work. Your anger was righteous and God is pleased with you 🙂

Others are bringing up the same point and I agree. If our children are never taught that they have to respect others and that they can’t hurt others- they’ll start to think they can get away with anything.

THANK YOU for this…I’m always nervous about stepping in. Second guessing myself, and now I won’t. Now I will do what my heart says, whether it ticks off the coaches or other parents. I’ve witnessed this on the playground between two children that were not my own, and I was too scared and {gutless} to say anything, but now … now the game has changed. I’m not going to be the person that condones behavior like that, because I remind myself that someday my kid may go to school, or have sports or meet those two boys sometime again in his life. And the one being picked on will be jaded and hurt and won’t want to make friends, and that could be friendship lost. The other one, the bully could be the one that pulls a gun on my kid at school, and that … That is NOT Okay. Thank you for giving me bravery today…and next time I’ll barge out on that field or playground and tell them to knock it off.

I really wish I’d stepped in even sooner. I kept waiting for someone else to do it. The coaches since they should be in charge. The moms of the boys who were doing these things since *I* would step in if it were my child. But I’m done. No more waiting. Not only will I step in if it happens again, but I will not let it get this far.

That’s just awful. I’m glad you stepped in. What irritates me even more, though, is that if it had been the other way around – if THEIR son had been bullied by yours – those people would have stepped in, too. But because it wasn’t their son, they didn’t care.

I feel the same way. That it’s okay as long as their kids aren’t getting hurt. But they would have been mad if it had been the other way around. I would have been mortified if my boys had been hurting other kids like that and would have stopped them.

Shell, this makes me sad and sick at the same time. As a coach, my biggest responsibility while I have the kids on the field is their safety and I mean that in the physical amd emotional sense. I can’t believe the coaches did not do anything! This would’ve been a great time for them to pull the kids together and talk about respect of their teammates. You can’t act like a team if you act like that. It also would’ve been a great time to share the consequences of what will happen if any of them act that way (like losing a portion of their playing time in the next game, running laps, cleaning up and or carrying the equipment for the coaches). As a coach, I try not only how to teach the kids how to be awesome players but how to be awesome people in general. I hope and pray this never happens again and if it does, take it to your organization’s commissioner. Once should’ve never happened but twice…they need to have a word with the coaches and maybe rethink the abilities of them as coaches. It’s more than just wearing a whistle.

I am filled with rage after reading this! GOOD FOR YOU for doing that, for walking onto that field and saying what you did. GOOD FOR YOU! I SO would have done the same thing. That is NOT okay. And you did the only right thing.

You are completely right. I don’t understand parents that ignore this type of behavior. Is it any wonder that this translates into poor sportsmanship and disrespectfulness later? It’s our job as parents and coaches to teach and guide! Good for you for stepping in!

I so don’t get this! And I am glad that I don’t. One of the things that has made us so happy about the team sports that my children are playing in is that there is a core group of parents who I know will always help keep the children in line. We always joke around with each other that the child doesn’t have one mom on the field with him/her, but about 7. And I love that. I love that we are all watching out for each other and that my child knows that when something is happening that there are a bunch of adults who “have his/her back”. Your story makes me so sad.

And yes you are right this is part of why children think bullying is okay. And if you really want an earful ask me about the inappropriate touching and sexual harrassment that is apparently “okay” in the middle school and how I believe that this is what is creating the high school rape situations that we hear about all the time. Sorry I almost went off on a tangant. Stay strong Momma! You are in the right and eventually you will find “your kind of people”.

We’ve had better luck in past seasons. This team is a mess and the season cannot be over soon enough.

I hear you on the tangent- I do think that when no one tells kids that their behavior is wrong, it will just escalate. We can’t suddenly tell kids at age 16 that they have to respect others when we never expected it from them before that. It has to start young.

It is absolutely not okay. I have two boys, and if I ever saw them picking on another child like that, I would stop them immediately and have a long talk about the type of behavior that I expect from them. You did the right thing. It makes me sad that other parents and the coaches sat and watched. Unfortunately, I think situations like this happen all too often.

I hate the saying “boys will be boys.” People use it as an excuse for everything. I don’t have boys but I can tell you I would do with them the same thing I do with my very rough girls and I would not allow that behavior. I am sorry that YOU had to be the one to put a stop to it but you showed your son you were in his corner. Oddly I was talking with a friend today about also teaching our kids to brush things off. But both of us agreed that when things become physical or bullying or whatever that a parent should step in. If it’s just a mean kid with mean words, then we agreed we would tell our kids just to blow them off and stay away from them. But beyond that it IS necessary to get involved. How sad. I can’t imagine watching my child do that to another child and doing nothing.

I remember seeing you post on Facebook the night this happened. I felt your anger and frustration then, and it comes across clearly here too. Makes me want to cry! So glad you wrote about it. I hope that I will be so brave if I ever witness bullying.

What is wrong with people!? Were they hoping someone else would deal with it? You did an awesome job, Mama! It’s that moment when we turn into Mama Bear. Nobody better lay a hand on our cubs. You did good.

It is absolutely not okay and I’m so glad you got up and did something about it. It infuriates me that so many adults were sitting there and doing nothing — especially the parents of the boys who were doing that to your son. If my kids were the ones being the bullies, I would certainly be yelling at them to stop. Having adults do nothing about it and taking the ‘boys will be boys’ approach leads to kids thinking that what they’re doing isn’t wrong — or maybe they know it’s wrong, but because no one did anything, they figure they won’t get in trouble next time either. This kind of thinking is what led my son to be bullied on the school bus by a couple of boys who were a few years older. There was no one watching (other than the bus driver, who is driving and can’t watch everything) so the boys were picking on my son. I had to take the matter to the principal (who was very kind and understanding) before they stopped. It is not okay, and it is never okay.

No way! I can’t imagine just standing by and watching this happen. Horrifying. I don’t care whose kids are involved, I hope I wouldn’t think twice and step in. I’m so sorry this happened – your son is lucky to have you as a mom and the other kids involved are fortunate to experience an adult stand up to them. Well done. A heart-wrenching and important post.

I hate the boys will be boys excuse as well. It’s crap. ALL children need to behave respectively. Neither gender gets a pass on good behavior. I applaud your intervention. You absolutely did the right thing.

Honestly, my blood is boiling too reading that. Its beyond infuriating. And you’re right it teaches our children that behavior is acceptable, and it teaches them that no one is looking out for them and I can’t believe that anyone would want their children to learn those lessons. I’m so glad you stepped. I’m so glad you showed everyone, parent and child, what is right and what is wrong.

I have gotten many a stink eye from parents for correcting a child’s behavior. I can’t help it. Once a teacher….
Others have thanked me as I have thanked others because we can’t be everywhere seeing everything. And teaching children right and wrong and appropriate behavior is every adult’s responsibility.

I know you had mentioned this and I was angry for you then. But now I’m even angrier. Seriously. Angrier. Grrr. I am glad you stepped in. There is no way in heck I wouldn’t have. I might have held off as long as you did with hopes, but yeah, NO. I’m sorry that these kids have asinine parents. It’s nOT OK.

I’m still upset that this happened and that no one (except for you) did anything! That it just continued and everyone acted as if it were okay. So very wrong. I’m glad YOU did something and YOU stood up, maybe next time one of those adults will decide to step up.

You’re so right! I’ve often wondered those same things myself: why aren’t the other parents jumping up and doing something too?

When I was a child, my dad was working long hours and mom went back to college, and then got her career. I tell folks that my parents were done raising kids by the time they had me – they were ready for something different, so I was pretty much let go. The Lord intervened and kept me safe, but often I still deal with the repercussions of being the “wild child.”

And so I get involved in my kids’ lives. I don’t let them fight with each other, and I guide them intheir social contacts. To me, it’s part of being a concerned parent.

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…