Recap: 'Glee' - 'Extraordinary Merry Christmas'

“Well, tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you!” That line, sung by Bono in “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”, has always bothered me. I’m sure it’s bothered a lot of you as well. I understand the meaning the song was probably going for, but it comes off completely condescending at best, and totally tone-deaf at worst. Is Bono sarcastically berating those who have the technology to listen to the song? Is he mocking those in Africa who might not get MTV, satellite radio, or Spotify? For reasons only Ryan Murphy can probably answer, New Directions sang this song, including that infamous line, AT A BUNCH OF HOMELESS PEOPLE TONIGHT. Essentially, New Directions said, “Look, you’re down and out, but at least you don’t live in Africa.” I think. I honestly don’t know. All I know is that when I heard, “Well, tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you,” I heard “Glee” singing it at everyone no longer watching this program.

Even for a show that prides itself on avoiding continuity whenever possible, the Christmas episodes of “Glee” really stand outside the scope of the show’s normal arcs, serving as a stand-alone holiday special. That’s fine, in theory: having a pause to be a stop gap between the Fall and spring arcs is fine, and even in this Bizarro Holiday World, there’s actually some internal continuity. Case in point: Artie’s Magic Legs returned tonight, at least in passing mention. Why haven’t we seen them since last year? Apparently they broke the following day. Didn’t Coach Beiste get Magic Leg insurance from Progressive? That company insures EVERYTHING. In any case, I’m not here to analyze how this show fits into the overall structure of this third season. We all know there’s no actual structure, so let’s stop worrying about how Santana is feeling mere weeks after Finn accidentally outed her, her grandmother disowned her, and then everyone in New Directions sang at her until she sang some Katy Perry in joyous acceptance of her sexuality. None of that now, ya hear?

What we had in “Extraordinary Merry Christmas” was the usual overpacking of plot, the usual schizophrenic characterization, and the usual “damn the torpedoes” approach to dropping songs out of nowhere. If anything, the Christmas episode gives “Glee” license to not even pretend about connecting one scene to another. It’s Christmas, damnit: so sing! The nominal plot surrounded the scheduling conflict from the now white-hot New Directions: the local PBS affiliate asks them to do a Christmas special, and Sue asks them to help at a local homeless shelter. But stuffed in as well were some attempts to give Rory some character depth and attempt to make Rachel the shrillest harpy on television. Good God, “Glee”, pick a character for her and run with it. You’ve finally decided that Finn is a dumb but earnest and moral guy. Sam? He’s aged about 25 years since last we’ve seen him, but at least he has perspective others don’t. But Rachel? She’s whatever you need her to be in any given episode. It’s not “character development” to have her pinball between “stuck up” and “chastened”. If she doesn’t learn, she doesn’t change. If she doesn’t change, she doesn’t grow as a character. And if she doesn’t grow as a character, I don’t care about her getting into NYADA.

In the middle of all this was a section that I imagine will split everyone down the middle. I’m willing to actually concede that in and of itself, as a stand-alone piece, that Artie’s holiday special was fairly entertaining. It was entertaining in a “my God, I need to save these actors from the hell that is this show” sorta way, but “Glee” really found a tone with this retro show-within-a-show and ran with it. Do I believe that set cost $800? No. Do I believe they could have pulled this show off in 3 days? Of course not. But as a piece of constructed television, with its own internal illogic, I certainly wasn’t bored for those 20+ minutes. Those 20 minutes had nothing to do with anything that happened outside of them, outside of Itchy the Elf going rogue at the end and reading a passage from the Bible with which Peanuts fans would be familiar. But I loved the idea of a gay couple, a Jewish girl, and an African-American girl being the leads in a 1950’s holiday special. Had this actually aired in the Eisenhower Era, we wouldn’t have baby boomers. America would have collectively pulled a Jonestown that night.

However, as train-wreck entertaining as that segment was, hanging over it was the fact that they were trading in a shot at fame over helping out at a local shelter. Sam calls them on their BS, but it’s never actually addressed inside the special itself until Rory’s speech. So the show just puts its major dramatic conflict aside for fun, whimsy, and phallic light sabers. Had the show pulled a “Noises Off,” detailing not only what happened onscreen but also off, we could have seen some guilt and drama played out away from the creepy, “Twilight Zone” canned laughter. Having not only Rory, but the rest of the group, deal with their selfish impulses while Sam and Quinn worked the food line could have been a great way to structure the episode. But there I go again, talking about “structure” when it comes to Glee.

WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S THEM, INSTEAD OF YOOOOOOUUUUUUU…..

Look, I’m saving what holiday spirit I have left to get through the rest of this season. I can’t hate anymore on this show in this calendar year. So I’ll leave you all with my own contribution to the “Glee” holiday oeuvre, and extend a warm thanks to everyone that’s read these reviews this year. Thank God it’s you, instead of them. See in 2012.

‘Twas The Night Before Glee-mas

Twas the night before Glee-mas, when all through the school

Not a show choir was working. For that was the rule.

Artie’s Magic Legs were hung up with care

In hopes the show would remember that they were there.

New Directions were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of Nationals danced in their heads.

And Emma with her sani-wipes, and Will with his rap,

Had just settled down in a bed booby-trapped.

When out on the lawn there arose such a shrieking

The pair sprang from the bed to see who was gleeking.

Away to the front door they quickly sashayed

Pirouetted around and danced unafraid

The cold Lima night shone bright with neon

One soon could expect a number by Dionne

When, what to their dumbfounded eyes should appear

But New Directions bearing holiday cheer

With a middle-aged driver, eating a ten-person feast,

They knew in a minute it must be Coach Beiste

More rapid than eagles they started their verse

Because who on this show has need to rehearse?

“Here’s Artie! And Tina! And Mike Chang’s here too!

Here’s Brittany, and Rachel, and some Irish fool

To the top of the charts, our sales cannot fall!

Now buy away, buy away, buy away, all!

And then, above the lip-synching, they heard from above

Kurt Hummel singing “To Sir, With Love.”

As he spun on the roof and turned himself round

Blaine was below smiling wide from the ground

Will’s eyes, how they twinkled! They all looked so merry

Despite a Fall in which things had gone quite hairy

But why bother think on such dreadful things now

The only thing left was to sing, dance, and bow!

Forget about the future, forget about NYADA

At this point let’s all sing “Hakuna, matata”

Quinn’s actions this Fall should have led her to jail

But here in this “Glee” world, she’s going to Yale!

We shouldn’t care that Puck slept with Shelby for weeks

Continuity has no place for adoring gleeks

As for those elections, the less said the better

Reality hangs on “Glee” like a big Scarlet letter

Santana’s long journey had given fans hope

That the show would not always treat us like a dope

But her outing was botched in the usual way

Now Trouty Mouth’s back, and all is OK?

Will looked at them all, a sorry young man

Whose use had expired in the “Glee” master plan

Once he had promise, the story was his

But he’s been eclipsed, so here’s a pop quiz…

Why keep him around, or any adult?

Just send them away, have Sue join a cult

The kids are the stars, in them lies the drama

Cast out the elders from this “Glee” diorama

The writers said not a word, but went back to their work

And started to curse that dumb HitFix jerk

Who dared to proclaim the show had fallen from grace

If he didn’t like it, why not head into space?

I sprang to my laptop, to give my readers a review

And to here they did come to bid this show adieu

At least for just now, next year we’ll be back

C’mon now, it’s “Glee.” This show is like crack.

What did you think of this year's Christmas episode? If you could give the show any holiday advice heading into next year, what would it be?

I also did not enjoy this episode of Glee but I generally hate gimicky X-mas episodes of TV shows anyways but this one really irritated me. I mean not one mention of Hanukkah until the last line of the show, yet both Rachel and Puck are Jewish and usually Glee promotes diversity. I really hope after the new year Glee is back in action.

I was really annoyed with this episode, even more so than usual. No diversity on religion at all. At least they could have had Rachel asking for Chanukah presents instead of specifically asking for Christmas presents. I hate when shows pretend that even though someone is Jewish, they really still celebrate Christmas.

"Essentially, New Directions said, 'Look, you’re down and out, but at least you don’t live in Africa.'"

That's what I thought too. Unbelievable. I really didn't enjoy the whole black and white Christmas extravaganza. It was way too much cheese for me. A not-Christmas song from a not-Christmas musical taken totally out of context? I love Star Wars, but really Glee? And who's that Irish kid? (Must've skipped that episode). I pretty much just watch for the music, and even that was disappointing IMO, especially compared to last year. There are so many hey-this-really-doesn't-relate-to-the-plot-but-we'll-make-lots-of-money-on-itunes musical numbers.

On the other hand, Bravo on that fine piece of poetry, sir. Your reviews always deliver, even though the show is tanking badly, so thank YOU. Happy Holidays, McGee!

"Not quite sure how the two are related. Mind illuminating it for me? I saw "Community", and not sure how your statement relates to my hypothetical situation in which no Americans exist past the 1950s."

Troy and Abed sang a song to Pierce about baby boomers throughout the ages. Remember?!?

It's not a question of me remembering. It's a question of how the two are related. I'm not suggesting baby boomers don't actually exist. It was a cheerful, throwaway line about a hypothetical timeline in which no baby boomers would have survived everyone killing themselves and their families off after watching this special.

If anything "Community" fans should be well-versed in the darkest and most terrible timelines.

Regarding "Do they know it's Christmas?": I've always interpreted that line as a rebuke for those who are simply content to be happy that they are not suffering misfortune, without considering what they can do to help those who are in crisis. (It also serves as a bit of honest, non-politically correct expression of a thought that likely drifts through most people's minds: as much as we'd like to be altruistic, it's hard to keep our human, selfish, survival instincts from surfacing now and then.)

What did bother me about the performance is that the song falls in the tradition of somewhat melancholy Christmas songs, which had been discussed earlier in the episode, and so it would have been more fitting to perform it that way (until the chorus, which is a clarion call of hope). But as it unfortunately does too often, Glee missed a chance to tie its themes together, and instead had a happy ending performance, belying the actual lyrics and mood of the song.

So was I the only one who noticed at the beginning when Finn was struggling what to get Rachel that Blaine co-signed with Artie about the socks... which he himself never wears. Then the gift of the bow tie and capri pants. Those little jokes alone made the episode enjoyable for me.

OMG this is brilliant! I loved Twas the Night Before Glee-Mas lol. Totally spot on in the review. It's just sad that a show that started off so smart and witty and funny has devolved into this. Other pet peeve---the writers forgetting that Rachel is a vegan Jew. Couldn't Finn give her a goat or cow? It had to be a pig? I hated that not even Rachel really remembered that she was Jewish in this episode, let alone Puck. The fact that they were both "moved" by the story of Jesus told by Linus (I mean Rory) was just silly. I also hate how the ND "got off the hook" for the selfishness by showing up "just in the nick of time" with a turkey and an inappropriate song to sing to the poor deprived homeless people. This episode was so much about the songs, they forgot totally about the story.

I only kind-of liked this episode. I did think the show within a show was sort-of cute, but it is never lost on me that Rachel often makes note of the fact that she is Jewish, but she is always super excited about Christmas, which Jewish people do not celebrate. I was glad that finally gave Rory something else to sing. He has an amazing voice and they have done a poor job of showcasing it so far. I was happy to see that Sam was still around, but saddened by the fact that he might not return when the season resumes. Brittney singing “Christmas Wrapping” was a perfect fit, but I always have that song stuck in my head for days after hearing it. Finally, I absolutely hate “Do They Know It’s Christmas” which features my all-time least favorite song lyric “Well, tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” WHAT! I cringe everytime I hear it

I only kind-of liked this episode. I did think the show within a show was sort-of cute, but it is never lost on me that Rachel often makes note of the fact that she is Jewish, but she is always super excited about Christmas, which Jewish people do not celebrate. I was glad that finally gave Rory something else to sing. He has an amazing voice and they have done a poor job of showcasing it so far. I was happy to see that Sam was still around, but saddened by the fact that he might not return when the season resumes. Brittney singing “Christmas Wrapping” was a perfect fit, but I always have that song stuck in my head for days after hearing it. Finally, I absolutely hate “Do They Know It’s Christmas” which features my all-time least favorite song lyric “Well, tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” WHAT! I cringe everytime I hear it.

I was very disappointed in the episode. It just dragged and was too corny or cheesey as others say. I've watched oldies from the 50's but this was beyond wierd and lame to me. Very unentertaining. The music was made up of odd choices and way too many. For me it would have been better if they made it a variety hour. The song at the shelter was disturbing. Lost my joy for Glee in this episode.