Monday, January 14, 2008

This year should be a great year. Well... I don't make resolutions cause I know I can't keep any of them. But before the New Year, I did make some changes to myself. I woke up and sweep then mop the floor which I had always wanted to do since years ago. I make sure I cook lunch on weekdays. I do not intend to scold my students but just let them be coz I realise that pushing them to score A is just giving them more pressure.On the 31st of December 2007, the closing of a year and the beginning of a new year, the first news I got was from my big mama. Grandma is diagnosed with lung cancer. It was not good news as it shattered my heart cause in the few weeks she was hospitalised, I got very closed to her. It was just a couple of months ago when my grandaunt passed away. I got very closed to her, too. I took care of her and spent my time with her but I knew she saw me before she took her last breath. I find myself very comfortable caring for the old and sick. I do not lose my patience towards them but when I'm with little children, I temper flares even with small little things. Should I opt to be a palliative carer to others? Only a thought that runs through my mind.....I make a point to visit my grandmother on weekends no matter how tired I am. I was very angry when I saw that my uncles are still smoking in front of grandma. They said she's used to the second-hand smoke thus, they should let it be. Are they planning to let her die faster? Wicked... yet I can't do anything. If I bring grandma to stay with me I do not have time to take care of her. Now, I'm running more classes to accomodate the large number of students. Every day when I reach home, it's already 11pm and I'm not at home all the time. Sad.....Money can't buy happiness. I have the money yet I can't do anything to help grandma. Cancer.... I have nothing to say bout lung cancer as I have seen my own student died before my ends... killed by lung cancer... my uncles are living in denial... telling every one it's going to be okay... nothing's going to happen... hey! I'm not stupid!This year, my students are great. Most of them have major examinations.... UPSR, PMR and SPM. I prepared them during the school holidays... keep on reminding them that A's are not so important... I lost my social life due to working. My friends are also my students. What happen to me? Is this healthy? I'm jealous when I read others' blogs of how much fun they have with friends.... Who are my friends? This... I'm not sure either... .Do I have any? Not sure.I need to prepare the week's work... Can't write more now.