Anyone who has been following me for the last three years (and a few days, I missed my third blogging anniversary on May 12!) will already know where many of my interests have been in the past. I have written much about erotica; about the discovery of myself and my sexuality; about life as a young woman in a strange and foreign world – not just the Internet, but here in Europe too. The many changes in my life which have taken place are, for me too, clear. I have, it can be said, grown considerably. Not, as so many women fear, in weight, but in experience and – I hope – maturity. Many of my interests are still there, a part of me that I cannot erase and which I still enjoy, would not wish to erase. This web blog contains much of that past life, much that remains over in this ‘new’ life. But I am moving on and this post, with its interesting contents, will be one of the last of its kind.

Photo Source: kindawarped

One of the last, not the last. But I shall explain that now.

You see, as you all know, lives change. We all move on and we all have wishes which change with time. I’m no different to anyone else in this respect: my life has moved a considerable distance away to what it was, back home in Kansas, and it will never go back that way. My mind has matured not just with the experiences of seeing and living life here in Europe, here in Germany, but also through the many books I have come into contact with – and my thanks are due here to those who have pointed me towards certain titles, authors and subjects and especially to those kind few who have sent me books to read – through the people I have come into contact with and through college life. It is, as anyone who has been through the same events will confirm, a revelation.

Photo Source: flavors

No matter what the outcome of my college course, which runs for a few more years yet, I see my future within the written word. I see it as being the creation of written works for publications and the closely connected work with other authors to get their works published. I see it as the setting up and running of my own small publishing company which will run alongside whatever it takes to help me earn a living. I am not so naive as to believe that my enterprise will make me a fortune, nor that I will be able to earn a living from writing and publishing in the first years. The bulk of writers, near to one hundred percent, in the book world do not earn their living from books alone, they have a day job too.

Photo Source: funtasticus

And then there is the slight problem of my being a mute. I already know many of the problems that this ‘disability’ brings with it, and I am more than aware of how limiting it makes any future career I may wish to pursue. The world is geared to the spoken word, no matter how far electronic communication makes inroads into our daily lives. Someone who cannot quickly grab a telephone receiver and communicate, clear up problems, make arrangements and so on, has little or no chance of success.

Photo Source: planetsuzy

There are too many people who cannot understand, who are unwilling to adapt. Rather, they push anything which might cause change in their own lives to one side and follow the old, trusted path which has always worked in the past.

As a writer I will not have these same problems. Sure, there will be times when I am expected to meet up with people, but that is something different. Living in Germany – no matter how long I may stay here – makes that side of things much easier: I am here and my potential audience, the English-speaking world, is there. No one in the States is going to call me up and tell me they’ve made an appointment at short notice which I can’t afford to meet. Even for a speaking person that wouldn’t be feasible.

Photo Source: bitpusher

But it is far more than that. In many ways I need to change the whole impression people gain of me and what I do. The crowd-funding failure – this one company – has shown me something I hadn’t thought of before. Rather than exploring the history of a company – or potential company – they go into the background of the individuals involved with it and their private lives, their private interests. The fact that I love women, that I am a lesbian, is a deciding factor here. The fact that I have not hidden this love, and my love for some of the most beautiful women to be seen as well as sharing images of them, is another down point in their minds. I am an adult in the worst sense of the word.

Not that any of the banks here, in Germany, are going to be so narrow-minded and stupid as to refuse me a banking account because it might ruin their perceived image, I don’t live in the States at the moment, so this prudish idiocy doesn’t come my way.

Photo Source: luxfon

So, as I say, this will be one of the last shares of erotic images of extreme beauty. Not the last, but most probably the last one where more flesh is shown than photographic quality. My inner self will always remain true to itself, though, no matter what. And I may well continue to write erotic fiction, but perhaps under a pen name. Everything else, as far as the public image is concerned, has to change. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used my real name right from the get-go, but that is a matter of experience more than anything else. We all learn as we go on, we all mature, we all see and adapt to the realities of the real world around us.

The problem is the perception of a person by others who do not know that person themselves. We take our images from what we see and, for many, the image that people see of me is contained in the Internet. It is difficult to set up a serious business not connected to sex and erotica – as I have recently learned – if all the searches on my name – and not the name of the future company – reveal nothing but sex and erotica. This is the given reason why my crowd-funding campaign was turned down by one company: they saw my personal image reflected through a Google search and not the image of the company which is a completely separate entity.

As an author you are an artist. I encourage you to be fully yourself. To challenge the accepted reality of the world. You have a really unique viewpoint on the world I think thousands of people will find fascinating, interesting and challenging. I have a cousin who, although being an artist from a young age, has only been able to really make a living from his art in his later life. His name is Gareth Sansom. I encourage you to google him and read a bit about him. He has spent his life challenging accepted reality.
Even though, or actually especially as, you are mute, I look forward to the day you present a TED talk.
I send you all the best wishes I can and even more still and will be checking out your support page so I can send you more than wishes.
Chris