It sucks to be Dallas

The Spurs beat the Mavericks Sunday 88-81. Not only was it fun to watch, but it reminds “At Large” that professional basketball serves as a good metaphor for the difference between the two cities.

The Alamo City: Gary Cooper of the NBA

In San Antonio, Peter Holt heads an ownership group that remains behind the scenes, letting R.C. Buford and Gregg Popovich pull the strings without interference. Operating below the league’s salary cap, they have assembled a group of stars, role players and cast-offs to build the league’s premiere dynasty. The Spurs behave on and off the court. The fans adore them and ride the emotional rollercoaster with them.

The Mavericks reflect the shallow insecurity that is the Metroplex, the land of $30K millionaires and McMansions.

The team is owned by a crass billionaire, who shouts obscenities courtside, bans the press from his locker room and overspends to get players. He’s best known for whining constantly about the world’s plot against him.

Head Coach Avery Johnson, while a good player here, is clearly in over his head. Many have misinterpreted his anger and control issues as evil genius, but it’s clear things are spiraling out of control. Avery inherited a good team and things have deteriorated on his watch.

The fickle middle fingers of fandom

That’s because his best player, Dirk NoGameSki, is soft. Two other big players, Jason “Nads” Terry and Jerry Crackhouse, are thugs. His big personnel move, bringing in an over-the-hill legacy, has been an unmitigated disaster. The Mavs are 9-9 since they landed former wife-beater Jason Kidd.

And the fans are, of course, are worthless. They booed the Miami Heat when D.Wade undressed their team in the 2006 Finals. They regularly boo the Mavs when they trail. Even with all of the previously mentioned problems, the team is only a few games out first place. And yet there’s Fire Avery, a Web site that has placed blamed on the Little General. This is one year, by the way, after Avery coached the team to 67 wins.

Talk of Dallas and its soulless population makes me thing of robots. And it’s been a big week in the world of robots:

• British researchers are working a surgery robot that will react to the human doctors’ eye movements. Note to British hospitals: make sure the surgeons aren’t horny old men. The Guardian (via Slashdot)

• An Aussie committed suicide by robot. I guess he wanted to go out on his terms, knowing full well that the robot would revolt and kill him eventually.Gadget Lab

• It has begun. Robots are now mimicking human traits. Soon, they will be booing at Maverick games and making racist jokes about SA. Associated Press via Yahoo News

Forget the Robot Wars. It’s the Attack of the Clinton Surrogates!

James Carville, longtime confidante to President Bill and Sen. Hillary Clinton, likened New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, another longtime Clinton friend, to Judas Iscariot for his decision to endorse Sen. Barack Obama last week. Carville is the opposite of a Biblical scholar, so it’s likely this one won’t stick.

If you register and actively participate in the discussions on MyStarbucksIdea.com, a social network created by the Godzilla of Coffee to rip off your suggestions, you can kiss your self-esteem goodbye.

21 Responses

Between the “worthless a-hole” comment and that pathetic jerk (and I’m being far kinder than he deserves) on the Spurs page hoping Dirk broke his neck, it’s amazing to me to see what people are allowed to get away with here. I’m pretty sure there are three or four rules being violated here.

The whole point is the San Antonio River has nothing to do with basketball. Cuban was wrong for making those remarks. He was just looking for attention. Who cares about what city is better, I am sure they both have their ups and downs. Besides, if you are a TRUE TEXAN you know we REP TEXAS not just our city. I am over here in Florida reppin my San Antonio Spurs and my Dallas Cowboys. Of course I am from SA, if I was from Dallas I am sure I would be a Mavs fan. I just don’t understand the hate, just congratulate and lets start talkin about the next match up, why all this bitterness between fans?! It is immature and really a waist of time. I was rooting for the Mavs against Miami, although Cuban really ticked me off I still wanted the Texas team to win. I am an Aggie fan, and hate UT with a passion… Yet I rooted for them against USC. I am suprised at Mavs fans even reading mysa.com much less Roys AT LARGE column. Ha, we even had a Sun throw in their 2 cents. I understand this column made you a bit defensive, but think outside the box about how our city felt when Cuban came out on National TV and made those comments. Of course we r going to protect our community and talk back with assertions like atleast we have a riverwalk and thriving tourist economy. Our city is one of the fastest growing markets in the country. We rnt tryin to say we r better or give us extra respect cuz we r better, we r just sayin dont talk mess. It really is pointless, especially when you should look at your own situation. We all know Bruce and Horry rnt really dirty players, it is just the excuse you use for… honestly i do not even know why, i guess to make yourselves feel better?! And if u really think Horry threw Nash to the ground we will just have to have a gentlemans disagreement(No disrespect if u r female). Yes there have been a lot of TP haters as of late on mysa.com talk back boards and as a true Spurs fan I do not know why. They r either fans of another team just trying to stir up some stuff or they r die hard Manu is the world to me when he retires I will commit suicide type. I understand Manu is a starter and All Star and the fact he is willing to come off the bench so the Spurs can keep an All Star on the floor at ALL times of the game just makes him that much more special. And Timmy leaving 11 million on the table while re-structuring his contract is phenomenal. I wish more Superstars around the league would follow Timmy’s lead, although it would make competition that much more difficult. Do u really have to judge your greatness by how much you r paid, thats dumb… And by the way, San Antonio is the 7th largest city and one of the hottest markets in America, I see NO inferiority complex buddy. While I refute your comment, I will take the high road and refuse to talk smack about Dallas as a city. As I have said it would be pointless. I hope Dallas makes the playoffs so we can have all 3 Texas teams representing!!!!

That guy is right, San Antonio has always had an inferiority complex to the rest of the big cities in Texas. Their whole existence seems to be about trying to prove their city is a major metropolitan area and how the others sucks and don’t compare to the amazing San Antonio. They feel the same about their one team. Instead of being happy that they win, they seem to always think that they aren’t getting any respect and lash out at others. Sounds like petty pansies to me who need attention and need to be recognized.

Good for you Mavs fan, it’s good to know that Dallas has so many teams that SUCK!!! All you have are the Cowboys and THATS IT!!! Talk about one trick ponies. Funny how Jerry Jones whines about losing his precious Cowboy fan support if San Antonio ever gets an NFL team. WAAAHHHH!!! When was the last time the Mavs won an NBA title??? When was the last time your poor excuse of a baseball team made it to the World Series??? Your Stars hockey team only won the Stanley Cup on a bad call, Brett Hull’s foot was in the crease!!! That goal should have been disallowed and i’m not a bitter Sabres fan either i’m a Red Wings fan that prides itself on beating Dallas year after freakin year, it’s an old habit what can I say? Oh yeah, F*C* Dallas still has no MLS Cups after 12 years and Houston has won 2 in just their first 2 years. SMU,TCU,UNT all over glorified high school football teams that SUCK!!! Yeah TCU wants to play in BCS bowl but are too scared to play with the big boys like Texas,Nebraska,and Michigan. TMS has the worst NASCAR track EVER!!! How about that Mavs fan??? Oh, Angela I haven’t forgotten about you either. How’s that Trinity River project going for ya??? Talk about muddy rivers oh and hey I suppose you don’t get out much either. I believe Dallas was on that fat city list too and ranked higher than SA. I was at your so called State Fair back in October and OH MY GOSH!!! Can you say MOOOOOOO!!!!!! That place was full of fat lards like yourself sucking down turkey legs and guzzling down p!$$ water. Downtown San Antonio has so much more to offer than your lifeless Downtown, we have something going on all the time. Don’t give me that Victory Park/Uptown bs theres still nothing to do there besides hanging out in front the Channel 8 studios to gather around the windows hoping to get on TV only to see Dale Hansen’s big fat rear staring you in the face. Your Downtown is dead and full of homeless people that’s all the life you have going on there and your West End Marketplace is CLOSED!!! Deep Ellum has gone way down and you have the worlds worst Farmers Market. White Rock Lake is polluted and full of perverts waiting for you to trot on by so get over yourself. Dallas sucked when I used to work there and it still sucks today. Funny how some things just never change. DALLAS SUCKS!!11!!!11!!!1111…AND WE NEED OUR OWN FREAKIN NFL TEAM MAYOR HARDBERGER WE CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!

Wow, the cowards are really out in force now. It’s funny how they keep trying to push that stupid “Spurs are dirty” meme when their Mavericks have OPENLY CONDONED players like Juwan Howard, Danny Fortson, and Jerry Stackhouse, who are REAL thugs. Idiots.

obviously this, ahem, “journalist”, has an inferiority complex. For some reason, a basketball game makes a bitter little man write bs about people playing a game I can gaurentee this guys is too fat to play for 5 minutes, and he must attack the Metroplex and its citizens for God knows what reason. Maybe I woman in Dallas turned him down once. Or a man. You poor poor mulleted fool.

YourDallasMavericks, LOL. You are Hilarious!! Just as funny as your Mavs, in a pathetic way. If your wannabee-L.A. city (hmmm, 3rd-largest city in Texas. LOL. SA. is bigger now) was dumb enough to give away a 5-course meal for Mickey D’s, then just press your dumbass against the window & just dream about what you could be tasting. LOL. You feel the need to boast now that your Kansas City Cowboys (since your into sport’s teams origins. LOL) are finally doing a lil better after so many bad years?. LOL. I’ve checked Travel magazines/channels & S.A., and yes, it’s riverwalk, is a top tourist destination. Dallas? L.A. wannabee. LOL. P.S., I’m from L.A. and your litle minor league city sucks. LOL

You’re wrong. We are proud of our Dallas Chapparals and their 4 titles. Didn’t you know the team is only on loan until we decide we want them back LOLOLOLOLOLOL!?

Just remember, you wouldn’t have a team if not for Dallas having them first. You all act like it’s a college team considering the closest thing San Antonio has to decent college sports is miles away in Austin or College Station. San Antonio is a minor league town with a basketball team, kind of like a Portland, Salt Lake City, and now Oklahoma City.

If you want to see what pathetic is look in the river for your reflection… Oh wait, you can’t see yourself in that dirty nasty river… Nevermind…

I love it how people in Dallas make the excuse that they have other teams… I live in the metroplex and NONE of those teams will ever have the following of the Spurs.. When the Spurs make the playoffs the entire city shows there support from lights and signs on buildings to shoe polish on cars… not once in my 4 years of living in DFW have I sign a Go Mavs sign on a building, so Dallas don’t be jealous of the FOUR trophies that sit inside the ATT Center, maybe one day youll enjoy a championship again…. in something

San Antonio is a one trick pony. You all HAVE to cheer for the Spurs, that’s all you have. And by the way, you wouldn’t have the Spurs if not for the fact the people of Dallas no longer wanted the Chapparals. Thanks for taking our leftovers HAHAHAHAHA!! Every sports team in Dallas has to compete with many others including MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, MLS, and AA Baseball along with Texas Motor Speedway and more. Stern made sure you all got Duncan because he feared the franchise relocating without a superstar there. He knew the Admiral was nearing retirement. Soon, Stern will be gone and your team will too because Duncan will retire and that will be the end of your run. I can’t wait until your team up and leaves for Kansas City or worse, Seattle LMAO!

This comment was made without ethnic slurs because they are so unnecessary LOL!