After telling the story of what happened on Saturday night, my friend said to me “You’ve seen more things in one night, than a person should see in a lifetime,” and I must say, I think she is probably right. I almost don’t even want to write this blog, because it means that I have to think about the night, but I would really prefer to forget about the whole thing.

But! I told you I would give you an insight into a swingers club, and that I shall do. Ugh.

I went to the club straight from a friend’s place which is nearby… a block away to be exact. She just happened to be having a housewarming, which was very convenient (especially at the end of the night when I was so exhausted and shocked that I couldn’t have possibly made it all the way home in one go. ) I rang the doorbell about 10 minutes to 9 and there was no answer, so I just hang out in my friends street for a little while and then went back at nine pm on the dot. Rob let me up and then opened up the stockroom where the costume was and left me to my own devices.

Now I’d seen the costume before… it was a top and a skirt.. but I hadn’t noticed that the top and the skirt didn’t meet in the middle. I realised my mistake as soon as I put on the top, and it was basically just over my boobs, and then it was bare midriff until the skirt, which I hiked up over my belly button, because with out my handy corset, I don’t have the flattest of bellies.. So just imagine how I was feeling when I realised I’d be spending my night with my rollie stomach out, wearing a rubber top which was fairly booby with massive shoulders… and a skirt/petticoat…. with my 4 inch heels by the way. Slu-tty!

Once I had overcome my complete urge to put my own clothes back on and run from the building… I emerged from the room in my whore costume. Rob pulled the skirt down a little bit, because I think the back was up so high that there was waay too much petticoat showing.. I still managed to keep it high enough to cover any rolls, and in the end it was just a bit like being at the beach in a two piece.

Rob had me cut up cheese and put up the snacks etc, so I did that and then watched on the surveillance camera as Rob cleared all the lockers in the locker room. Then it was pretty much a waiting game for the couples to arrive.

The doorbell rang and Rob went downstairs to meet the first couple. After a short while, they came up with a bottle of bourbon and I asked them what their locker number was, and wrote it on a sticker and put the sticker on the bottle cap. I asked them what I could get them, thinking they might say 2 bourbon and cokes please… or maybe a bourbon and coke and a lemonade… but the guy just looked at me as though I was crazy and said just two of those. “On Ice?” He said yes please, so I poured two bourbon’s and gave them to the couple straight. Once again, the guy looked at me as though I was crazy and asked if he could have some coke in them. I felt like an idiot.. but then again, I often feel like an idiot. They disappeared straight away and then through out the night they would turn up at the bar in their swimmers, straight from the spa for more drinks.

The second couple turned up, and they didn’t even bring in any drinks. The man just sat down on the couch and watched the tv screen behind me that had porn playing until he disappeared to the downstairs area later in the night. After that I don’t remember who came in but everyone was honestly pretty normal and fairly mixed, yet all in their 30s – 50s. For the first, probably 2 hours, I was actually thinking that it wasn’t so bad.. everybody was just being really super friendly… lots of people seemed to know each other and know Rob. Everyone was laughing at the porn and generally having a good time chatting.

The crowd included a lovely couple who stayed at the bar and seemed a bit nervous. The woman had one wine and then asked for waters for the rest of the night… she’d obviously had too much to drink before they got to the club. They said that it had been 9 years since they had been, so I think that they were fairly anxious. There was a very fat couple who I didn’t see too much of, a quiet Indian couple whose drinks I kept ruining and a buff dude with tattoos and his rather large but very pretty girlfriend who I remember someone telling “you are very sexual,” to which she replied, “Thank you.” The buff dude would often come up to the bar and try to subtly hit on me. He was telling me about how the swingers club was really good because it’s really honest and no one is cheating… “It’s just really honest you know.” Then he was telling me about how he and his girlfriend like to go down stairs have people watch them having sex. ”You’ve gotta have your own rules you know.” I just agreed with him all the way. “Yeah! Absolutely! Sounds great!” Later on in the night when his girlfriend wasn’t around, he asked for my number… (No cheating?) and told me that he thought I was the most attractive person in the club. Gross!!!

The other two that stood out were this very attractive couple who seemed to be the life of the party. Rob told me about how he was her personal trainer and they had an affair, and now they’ve been married for 6 years. They both had quite incredible bodies, and if I look like that in my late 30s, I’ll be very happy. (If I looked like that now, I would be over the moon!) She was wearing some fairly classy lingerie in the form of a tiny little dress that someone likened to the betty boop dress. Rob gives them sort of a free pass on some of the rules because “they are really good for the club.” They are super friendly and sociable, easily the most attractive ones out of the group, but they apparently don’t have sex with other couples and so they don’t go down stairs at all. They just flirt and fool around with people on the dance floor… which I will tell you about later…. *shudder*

The party went from all the couples sort of siting in their own corners, to a few chatting and laughing with each other here and there, to a bit of dancing. Then all of a sudden, Rob put on a burnt CD which started out with the Warner Brothers theme, and then went into some upbeat music. When the perky girl in the pink french maid outfit came out and started dusting off parts of the room, I thought she was just a very committed customer… but then I realised that she was the evening’s entertainment. And boy was she entertaining! She got up another girl and the did some tricks over her while the woman lay on the floor, stripped and then put a plastic mat on the floor, covered herself in lube and then rolled around on the matt, doing backflips etc, all the while smiling very innocently. It was quite hypnotising really. Rob made sure that I was in a prime viewing position to watch, asking me… “Do you like girls,” “Not so far.”

Throughout the entire night, I only had three beers, but Rob just drank continuously and fast, starting out with beer and then moving on to bourbon and then onto something else when he finished that. And the more he drank, the more inappropriate he became. I was surprised when I first started that he wasn’t as shy or embarrassed as when I’d first met him. He was completely in his element. He told me stories about going out to clubs and picking up other couples, asked me what sort of drugs I took and said things like “as if you could call this work!!” He had no problem putting his arm around me and giving me a slap on the bum. One time he said, “Is it okay if a give you a smack,” and I said no… but he did it anyway. Sexual Harassment anyone?? I was beginning to feel uncomfortable…

After the stripper left, everyone was in party mode. Lots of people started disappearing downstairs, but the personal training couple remained upstairs, chatting and dancing with the anxious couple who had been sitting at the bar. Rob thought it was hilarious when the personal training woman pulled up the skirt of anxious woman, and anxious woman squealed because she didn’t have any underwear on. Rob was encouraging me to go out onto the dance floor and start joining in with the dancing, and I politely declined. The dancing started getting a bit weird, and things that seemed to me to belong downstairs, started happening on the dance floor directly in front of my safety bubble… the bar.

There was a lot of oral sex… I think it started with the PT woman going down on the anxious woman, and then they both started giving the (not so) anxious man head while the PT dude had his hands down his pants, pointing and saying, “That’s hot! Now, that’s hot!” It all continued and the guys were sort of just hanging around the girls with their dicks just sort of flopped out.

Rob asked me how I was dealing with it and I said “not a problem!” I think I had a giant smile plastered to my face for the whole night, and I thought I was handling it just fine. When it really started getting out of hand was when at some stage, the (not so ) anxious woman was doing the deed on the PT woman, and the (not so) anxious man whipped it out and started fucking his wife from behind. At this stage Rob told me that the rules were that there is no sex upstairs, and that he could tell them to stop if I liked… but I just said “I’ll just avert my eyes.” But he sort of kept pointing things out and laughing, and encouraging me to watch! (Oh god.)

I’m not too sure what happened next. At some stage all the sexual activity stopped and they all went back to dancing and drinking. The man who had been sitting at the bar earlier knew that it was my first shift, and came and sort of apologised. “That got a little out of hand there, I hope you weren’t offended.” I just remained chirpy and said “I wouldn’t have taken a job in a place like this if that were to offend me!!!!” Smile still plastered to my face.

I think at this point I just really started getting a bit bored and feeling really uncomfortable with Rob constantly feeling me up. I was still wearing those 4 inch heels and they were starting to kill my feet… I was starting to watch the clock studiously.

The PT girl came over and started chatting with us. Rob was laughing about how straight I was, and how I had said in my email that I was open minded. (Yeah, by open minded I mean, I don’t care what other people do, as long as I don’t have to be involved with it!) He was telling her that I had never played with a girl and he was trying to get me to put my hands down this woman’s silver pants. I backed away, smiling still, and nervously laughing. When she went to put her hand up my skirt, Rob thankfully told her no… “You might freak her out a little too much.” Yes, thank you for that Rob. So there were two times throughout the night that he sort of made sure that I wasn’t being put out of my comfort zone too much… (not that I at all think that was enough.) The first was when he asked if I wanted him to send them downstairs during the actual sex I was witnessing… and the second is when the woman got a bit grabby. It would have been nice to have someone there to stop him from all his grabbing and horrible remarks. Ugh!

After a while people sort of started coming back upstairs and drinking again, and slowly 2 O’clock rolled around. Rob said, whenever you get bored of all this you can go home. I told him I would leave at that moment, and he let me into the room where my clothes were. MY CLOTHES! I was so happy to see them, and my ballet flats! I changed and then went back out to the bar feeling way to dressed compared to everyone else who were wondering around in sarongs and dressing gowns. Rob gave me my $125 cash and I evacuated the building.

As soon as I got outside, my smile faded and I felt the whole weight of the night on me. I was SO happy when I realised that the party was still going because I couldn’t even think of what to do with myself. I had to debrief! So I went in, and everyone was really quite merry, so I was gone in about 20 minutes, in a cab, spending my well earned money to go 2 minutes up the road.

I don’t think I’ll be going back. The only way I would CONSIDER going back would be on a Friday when there is a woman running the night. I figure that there is less grabbing that way, and I’d feel way less uncomfortable. ( I’d wear lower heels for one!) Rob claims that the nights events were quite out of the ordinary, and that usually everyone goes downstairs, and we’d just be up at the bar really quite bored. I’ve had two friends tell me that they don’t want me going back, and I’ve just gotten a new job that is going to keep me busy enough… so most probably, I’m calling it off..

5 responses to “ACTUAL SEX!!”

Dangerous, dangerous business. That sounds absolutely awful. The more details, the worse it gets, I thought I heard the worst of it. You are very brave, I think I would have started crying and running from the building in my tiny French Maids outfit.