Straight men of Reddit, why do we never compliment each other?

EDIT: This is gaining more traction than I thought, but after reading a bunch of comments it seems like it's more indicative of who I hang out with. I played football my whole life thru college so I guess it makes sense that I'm around the more traditional stoic masculinity. I'm glad to hear that some of you give and receive compliments with your buddies all the time, I think I need to start expanding my circle of friends. I still feel that as a whole it's not really commonplace in Male culture, but again, that could just be my experience.

'm a straight man myself, but let me tell ya, I never received more compliments than when I went out with my cousin (who's non-binary) at Penn State and went to a few gay houses/parties. My cousin pointed out a couple instances where it was flirting, but most of the other times it was surface level compliments about every day things.

"Your hair looks great!" "That shirt fits you so well!" Small things that I hear women compliment each other on all the time.

And it felt GREAT. I don't think I can remember a time I felt more self confident and genuinely enjoyed myself while being around strangers I've never met before.

This happened 2 years ago during my sophomore year of college, but for whatever reason came back in my mind today. I'm going to make an effort to give at least 1 compliment to my guy friends every day from now on, because it felt fucking amazing when I got complimented.

Maybe I'm just associated with dudes who dont really dish out compliments, but I feel like this is something that's pretty common in straight Male culture.

I'm a straight man myself, but let me tell ya, I never received more compliments than when I went out with my cousin (who's non-binary) at Penn State and went to a few gay houses/parties. My cousin pointed out a couple instances where it was flirting, but most of the other times it was surface level compliments about every day things.

There's a scene from Disney's Lady and the Tramp where they're having a baby shower and all the women are telling each other how fabulous they look and then the camera pans to the men and they're all ragging on each other.

This is always the stereotype for women, but I've never had this experience. I only compliment people when I mean it, and my female friends do as well. And we do give each other crap, but more...gently, I guess?

This is always the stereotype for women, but I've never had this experience. I only compliment people when I mean it, and my female friends do as well. And we do give each other crap, but more...genly, I guess?

Dittio. I've run into fake people in both genders. I run into geniune compliments in nearly any kind of women's restroom whenever I have something worth complimenting. It's a whole thing we discuss in women's subreddits like trollx. Dude is just unaware I guess.

It makes sense that a guy who doesn't typically get compliments and who feels fulfilled in some way by the cheeky insults of his friends would find it hard to believe women's compliments are genuine. I don't know how else this saying would have come about outside of a few isolated, cliquey high school friend groups.

Maybe he has shitty people around him. Maybe it was the pervasive idea in our culture that women all go through sexy catfights and power plays. Maybe too many dramas. Who knows. I had to take a break from askmen before because it's a lot of confirmation bias of a lot of shitty stereotypes like this one.

Same. The only time I compliment insincerely (to men, women and children) is when I've absent mindedly stared at a detail of a person or their attire and I don't want to make them feel self concious, so I hit them with a 'That's a really nice hat!'. Hut i feel pretty guilt free about that because it's well intentioned and it's not an attempt at social sabotage or any other bullshit.
If I have a complex interpersonal issue, I might anonymously talk it out with a trusted person to have a sounding board & get an alternate aspect on the issue. But I'll address it directly with the person.
That's when I have the self control to not blurt it out directly. I don't avoid social confrontation. shrug

I tbink its the reasons for compliments thay differ more than anything. A compliment like 'oh that's a nice shirt' doesn't really resonate as a compliment for a guy sometimes. Youve complimented the shirt, not me.

And general compliments about it appearance? I don't want that from my friends or other men, their opinion is irrelevant as I'm not interested in men's attention regarding that. I'm not saying compliments about your appearance from your friends is gay, just totally irrelevant.

I think men do give compliments but it is more merit based on their actions or achievements, with very minimal compliments on appearance.

Wear a nice shirt? Good for you but so what?

Got a new haircut? Good for you but so what?

Stomp a game of Dota and go 23-0-16? you'll get compliments for the rest of the week.

Play a good game of football and get best on ground? Definite compliment and maybe even a thorough slap on the butt.

The inverse though (bad shirt, Bad haircut, Bad game) are all reasons to make fun of them though making the source for compliments much lower than the source for insults.

Nope. They did not. Guys talk shit to other guys into their twenties and thirties, and still love each other. Women say nice things, then within a week shift allegiances and leave my female friends broken and confused.

Some women aren't like this, but they are a minority (that thankfully have found each other).

In the UK, banter reigns supreme. If you go too far and throw out an insult and someone gets genuinely offended, you can just backpedal and claim "it's just bants man".

Easy way to get away with flinging insults at each other. It's basically the scene from Liar Liar with everyone laughing as you rip the shit in to each other - you really, ACTUALLY mean what you say, but "bants" means it's for a laugh.

To each his own of course but I vastly prefer the relationship I have with my friends now to the "old" ones I had. The former includes roasting but also compliments, hugs and cuddling while the latter just had roasting and honestly felt so much shallower because of this.

You just need to get used to. I cuddled a lot with all my female friends before and then had the thought it's super-weird that it's totally okay as a guy to cuddle with your female friends but cuddling with your male friends is somehow odd or considered "gay".

So I started to do that with some male friends and now it's pretty much established between a couple friends of mine (not all are that touchy, though - and that's of course fine as well!).

I'm one of the handful of straight guys in my gay men's chorus, and let me tell you, there is nothing more uplifting than getting a haircut or buying some new clothes and having a dozen men immediately point out how good it looks.

I pretty dramatically redid my haircut a few months ago and one of my friends in the chorus was practically stunned. He told me no fewer than six times at that rehearsal how good it looked. That was a huge, huge boost to my self-esteem not to mention a giant confirmation that the new haircut was a good idea.

Edit: Wow, this comment took off. Want to do something awesome for our chorus? We did a GivingTuesday fundraiser and we could still use a few more donations! https://www.facebook.com/donate/176179886670977/ (edit 2: wow, somebody on reddit actually donated to the fundraiser! Thanks, kind stranger (whose name I actually know because they posted on the fundraiser.))

And if you're anywhere near Baltimore, we've got a concert coming up on the 15th. Check out www.baltimoremenschorus.org for the details!

yeah b-but just think about how much FUNNIER it would have been if they'd roasted you and joked that your haircut looked like shit. totally would have accomplished the same thing as a genuine compliment. /s

Because society conditioned you to be so afraid of looking gay you won't say nice things to men for the fear they'll think you're trying to hit on them.

This. If I compliment a guy on a new haircut he got, one of two things will likely happen:

He/all the guys who are there - will immediately start acting awkward, as if I am getting too personal, as if I am about to ask this guy on a date, even though he is hetero.

He/one of the other guys who are there - will use the opportunity to insult me.
"Yeah, his haircut is decent, unlike your piece-of-shit haircut. Did your blind gran cut your hair? I would kill myself if I looked like that."

As a gay man, don't get me started on how insecure some straight guys can be. I can't tell you how many times I've been on the fence about whether or not I should compliment a guy if he looks good out of fear that they're going to assume I will forcibly pounce on them.

It can take a lot of courage to compliment someone in public and to be met with anger ain't cute. Just say thank you and walk away with newfound confidence.

Straight dude here but very effeminate. Had a gay dude hit on me in a bat the other night. The lasses I was with looked shocked. Told the dude I was flattered and that he was an attractive bloke, but Im straight. He bought me a drink anyway! Win win...

I have zero fear of looking gay and I interact with my friends by being shitty. Believe it or not a lot of guys enjoy interacting in this manner. Jokes are jokes and messing with someone means they are part of the group.

If everyone is okay with it and on board, there's not a problem; if you don't feel worried or embarrassed telling your friends they look good, etc then there's nothing wrong with ribbing. The problem is that not everyone's wired the same, and sometimes they take it more seriously, and it makes them keep their head down.

That's fair. I think the key is making sure everyone is comfortable with the dynamic. If someone is uncomfortable with it it's important for the rest of the group to see it and correct themselves. I, personally, don't like being complimented and would much rather my friends call me names. But not everyone is like me and I do try to recognize that.

I'd say that's more an additional consequence of what causes this whole problem in the first place, which is our society's maniacal fixation on sex.

Sex is a big and important part of the human experience, but so many of our problems come from the prevailing expectation that everything is motivated by a desire to get laid, and that getting laid is a more fulfilling and necessary part of a happy and healthy life than it is.

It sucks man. I try my best to compliment my mates if they look good but it still feels weird. One example the other week was a new guy at work, early 20s grew his beard out and it looked really fucking good man made him look like a real masculine and attractive guy.

So I said that I liked the beard and it looked good on him. He accepted the compliment and smiled and seemed happy but there was something like a risk in me saying that. It's stupid.

Mate it's just banter. Total bants man. If I'm feeling uncomfortable about a haircut, some nice banter would make me ease up. Just my friends telling me I look like a ugly fucking idiot mate. I mean, you must not be a real bro. What's wrong mate, you don't enjoy BANTER. It's just a friendly roast mate.

Ah yeah... youve missed my point. The word banter is typically used by brits and not aussies. Just clarifying for the person i responded to, who presumably assumed aussie because of the liberal use of "mate"

Honestly why not both? A little light roasting is honestly pretty fun, to give and receive. I think as long as everyone understands there’s a limit and will respect the roastee when they say they’ve had enough, as well as throwing in a genuine compliment.

I'm one of the handful of straight guys in my gay men's chorus, and let me tell you, there is nothing more uplifting than getting a haircut or buying some new clothes and having a dozen men immediately point out how good it looks.

One of the highlights of my last couple of years is when a waitress informed me that she and her friend were struck with how great I looked when I walked in. A kind word can make a guy's year, if he's willing to accept it.

You don't have to be gay to be a part of a gay men's chorus. You just have to love to sing. Most gay men's chorus is in the United States would gladly take any male singer who has the right attitude, in terms of being open and affirming toward the lgbtq community.

My Men's Chorus has several folks that are gay, bi, straight, cisgender, transgender, non-binary. As long as you have a voice that sings generally in the range we're looking for, will take you.

Historically, it has been predominantly gay men. We are actually called the Baltimore Men's Chorus, we don't have gay in the title. But we have historically been an LGBTQ + chorus. I would say we're probably about 75% homosexual, put the rest being bi and straight.

To be honest, as a closeted bi guy, this is one of the reasons why I like the fact that straight guys don't often give complements to other guys. It's a subtle enough way to flirt, and I can get (not-so-subtle) feedback from the person I'm complimenting that immediately lets me know whether or not they're into dudes. And if a guy's like "Bro why are you complimenting me, are you gay or somethin'?" I can be like "oh no man, just mad jealous"

I used to love putting product in my hair. I could get some styling do’s with a handful of mousse, but I moved country, started a new job, and haven’t really had the courage to try something new for work. I work in a super redneck town and people are not used to dressing outside the box. They already make fun of my colored chinos and socks. I tell myself that the shit they give me is just them being jealous, but I couldn’t handle the shit they throw for me changing my hair...

Same, especially because my chapter put a huge emphasis on the actual brotherhood. We were super irrelevant on campus, and our parties/social events weren't all that legendary. But, I love those fucking idiots.

There's something liberating about just openly admitting that you all want to be really good friends with each other, rather than having all that awkward posturing and distance that comes with male friendships I've made elsewhere.

This!!! After chapter or after a party or after an event a good bit of my brothers would press us to text/call one another to make sure we all got home safe. They were some of the most caring and uplifting people I have ever known. Everyone truly wanted to be there and some very incredible friendships have been made.

As a fraternal male, with poker friends all contracted in Army and Navy, and another poker friend who is ranked #1 in wrestling at an SEC school. Holy shit, I’m surprised we don’t just fuck each other.

$50 bucks a month for guaranteed parties every weekend, formal events that are out of town, someone to hang out with at any time and plenty of connections for after undergrad. I went to a small school and if it wasn't for a fraternity I wouldn't have made any friends, I'd still be in my dorm room trying to find something to do.

I mean it's clearly worth it to plenty of guys but after winging it for my first year I'm glad I didn't join one. I go to a large private school and you can really just get all of those things easily without paying anything.

Doesn’t seem strange to me. Was in fraternity. It’s basically an all men’s dorm where they have to invite you to live there. They throw lots of social events and when you’re new you have to do chores and get razzed some to be part of the group, like many sports teams do.

It becomes almost like a school or college you went to. When you’re an alumni, they ask you to donate to help keep the house nice and stuff.

It gets a stigma in movies because fraternities have to invite you, so it often is the “in crowd”. My very large college had a huge Greek life. Fraternies on average had higher grades than non fraternity members and we all had mandated community service.

And like any group of 19 year old males there’s lots of partying, lots of girls. That happens anywhere. And way more people died in the dorms at my college from suicide or alcohol overdoses than the number then even got injured from hazing.

I would 100% recommend it. I still talk to my 20 pledge brothers daily, we have a big group message and I see them 2 times a year at least

I can't believe this, I pretty much do the same thing. I live out of town so when i graduated i had to drive for 3 hours to spend grad weekend with my brothers. I met my big at a bar and he dressed up for me (he basically wore what Jake Peralta dresses like) and i had to compliment him. He was so happy, all of his roommates saw him and didn't say anything. We now make it a regular occurence to send each other pics of our outfits for dates and special occasions to give each other compliments.

So something that has happened to me.... far too many times is that sometimes I'll meet a brother up for dinner or something.

Went to BWW for a late dinner with one the other week. We're both engineers so we tend to dress up a lot. I got stuck in traffic so he wound up waiting for me for a while. We met, talked, had fun, discussed random shit. When the bill came the waitress asked us with some reservations, "Do you want one check.......... or two?" My brother offers to pay and she says, "Oh! Ok!" Then she smiled and I swear she wanted to skip.

I looked to my bro and said, "You realize she thought we're gay right?" My bro says, "Ah shit, I wanted to ask for her number."

I pat him on the shoulder and said, "Well it's too late now, you don't stand a chance." And gave him a sad caring smile while she came back. And obviously, grabbed his hand as we walked out the door and winked at her.

My big and I also have "Date night" where we meet up every tuesday to watch the anime shows we keep up with. My wife now joins too.

Back in college we used to joke that we traded, "Big little bonding night" with "Big little bondage night." Was a fun gag until my wife's big started talking about joining in with us and her little.

Fun fact, my wife's nympho big still brings that up and wonders if we want to do it.

Yeah i was going to say, after living in a house with 8 other of my fraternity brothers ive both given and received a fair amount of compliments. I didnt think it was that strange for straight guys to do that.

I honestly don't think I would be comfortable doing some of the shit my brothers do with me.

Like, I ain't gonna ask my actual related brothers or dad to do a professional photoshoot with me. But with my fraternal brothers I'll gather three or four and we'll go shopping and find ties and trade suits to take very nice photos together for our LinkedIn profiles.

just depends how you do it. yeah it’s weird if a guy is like “your shirt looks beautiful the way it sculpts your chest” but if you hit them with like “okay okay i see what you’re doing with that shirt there not bad” it’s all good

At a straight man, straight men are fucking weird. Uncomfortable with affection and compliments, they also have the ability to become more jealous than I've ever seen a woman. There are "jokes" about how jealous women will kill you, but guess who actually kills people over jealously? Men. They are also so immersed with toxic masculinity, looking back, IDK how I ever saw it as normal.

Then just say, “Thanks, man. I really appreciate the compliment.” It’s not quite a compliment back, but it’s accepting the gift they’re handing you and expressing gratitude for it, which can mean just as much, if not more. ☺️

I'm a woman and I think it's sad that society teaches men to be tough all the time and if you compliment another man you're a sissy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you guys having feelings or showing them. It doesn't make you weak. I know you men are strong but I also know you're human and I think it's messed up that society teaches men to repress that. It's basically telling you not to be human.

TBH I just don't know how to make compliments. Neither to girls nor guys. I always feel weird about it, like I'm coming off trying way too hard. And whenever I get one I don't know how to respond, most of the time I just say "thanks, you too" or something like that.

Don't think too much of it, i think there are many people just like me.

Heard a story once that a dude came up to another dude at a urinal mid piss, reached into the piss steam and threw it in the man's face. His own piss. So, I guess there are worse things that can happen in a urinal interaction.

Is that you Wang? I remember bright and early in the morning commute at Grand Central, I catch some Asian guy just straight staring and smiling.. ..not cool. He finally takes his eyes off my unit to catch me staring back at him. He only says the one phrase..."it's nice..." and much to my surprise my only response was "thanks". You never know how you will react when you got a perv, until they give you a compliment. Still one of the funniest LA stories I have.

I'd have to disagree. I would venture to say many men have unresolved self-esteem issues because they feel they're not allowed to express their insecurities. Instead of voicing how they feel and actively trying to fix it, they ignore it and insult other people to make themselves feel better. You can't think most straight men just don't give a fuck about the way they look.

I agree, and I think that that's a sad way to go through life. Honestly, I feel like I operated under that exact thought process until I went out with my cousin and his friends. Then I realized, wow gay people dont give a fuck what anyone else thinks about them bc they're comfortable as they are (generalization I know but you understand my point) and they have wayyyyy more fun than I'd ever had going out with a bunch of my friends.

Some, sure. But I think most guys are moving away from that stigma pretty quick. I compliment my friends when they deserve it on a nice shirt or haircut or something and then we may talk about it in more detail. It’s not awkward at all and I’m from rural Texas lol.

The most direct answer here. My friends would not be caught dead telling me I look good. What if one of the dozens of women who undoubtedly want to fuck them got the wrong idea? I mean, can't have people thinking you go around complimenting your male friends. Might as well suck him off too.

I know this term is a dirty word especially in this sub, but when (responsible, well-adjusted) people say "toxic masculinity," I think this is part of what they mean. Not that it's a bad thing to be a man or have manly qualities, but that in some subcultures our idea of manhood is so aggressively straight that we have to be super careful that we never, ever look like we might be flirting with other dudes.

Yeah, our society right now has a real problem with letting extreme elements just redefine terms without a fight. "Oh, a handful of people started using toxic masculinity to describe all men, guess we have to just let them have that now and come up with a different term."

What? I compliment other guys and get compliments from other guys (while none of us are gay).

Recently I've been working on my skin (it tried to eat itself, so yeah, I changed my diet and things). After a few weeks I started getting compliments from guys I know about how nice my skin was looking. They're not gay as far as I know and neither am I.

Is this an American thing that straight guys don't compliment each other?

I was going to ask where you're from haha. But yea I definitely feel like it's an American thing. I get the whole stoicism idea and I believe in it, but god damn cant a man get a compliment here and there? I mean we put effort into how we look too! Lol. But I'm glad to hear some people haven't experienced this, hopefully we can bring this over to the US

Yea the whole "no homo" thing is definitely American lol, but everytime I say it or one of my friends add it to a compliment we say it in the most over the top sarcastic way bc we all know we're not flirting like that

I guess the phrasing of my comment made it seem like I do, but generally no. I can't even think of the last time I got one aside from my best friend who I only ever talk to over the phone (he lives in FL I'm in DC). But in the context of my comment I was trying to say that even if it's something small like "those shoes are fresh, BUT NO HOMO DOE" lol lmk if I'm not making sense

No, no. I get you. Was just pulling your leg (I shoulda been a lawyer).

I think men are supposed to be "self sufficient". We're the care takers, not the cared for. That's part of the masculine psych. "I don't need compliments, other people do.". At least that's what I guess.

But, if it helps... nice shoes, dude! I see you've been working out, I need to hit the gym myself! What the hell did you eat for lunch? Your breath smells amazing! No homo.

Lmao I gotcha dude. I feel that 100% tho about the psyche. I'm pretty much entirely Scandinavian in descent and the whole stoic man image definitely runs through my family, and for the most part I agree with the caretaker thing. I was raised with the belief that the man should provide and care for his family so that I definitely buy into.

But thanks man! You're looking pretty swole too, what's your secret?? And you gotta tell me how you're killing it with the ladies, must be that suave south African accent!

Well now that I think about it none of the "native German" people I knew said it that much.
I used to have a friend with a UK/Spanish background and friend with a Russian background though and they said it all the time. I also had a friend from France and we acted like we're SUUPER gay with each other sometimes lol, he wasn't actually gay but he wasn't afraid to "seem gay" in the least bit.

Idk just anecdotes. But in general compliments among boys are definitely pretty awkward here as well

I’m a woman but recently, while hanging at a drop zone in NJ (skydivers are notorious dude-bros in general), a bunch of dudes were standing around and one says to another “hey that shirt looks great on you!” and the second guy was all “hey thanks man I appreciate it!” and the first guy quipped back, “hell yeah man. We need to give each other more MAN-PLIMENTS!”and then the entire group just high fived and laughed and slapped each other on the backs in commiseration.
I just freakin LOVED witnessing this exchange and hearing men be confident and seriously positive about doing better regarding being verbally kind to each other.

I hope this kind of stuff becomes ‘NORMAL’.

I’m a woman but recently, while hanging at a drop zone in NJ (skydivers are notorious dude-bros in general) and a bunch of dudes were standing around and one says to another “hey that shirt looks great on you!” and the second guys was all “hey thanks man I appreciate it!” and the first guy quipped back, “hell yeah man. We need to give each other more MAN-PLIMENTS!”and then the entire group just high fived and laughed and slapped each other on the backs in commiseration.
I just freakin LOVED witnessing this exchange and hearing men be confident and seriously positive about doing better regarding being verbally kind to each other.

Maybe it's just a you thing. Every guy I know gives and receives compliments from other guys. Maybe not as much as women, like how you described, but my friends and I are always complimenting each other and congratulating each other for little things. And I see this pervasively in other circles too. It's more common than you think.

It’s really homo in a mostly joking way. Veterans and especially active duty military don’t really have boundaries. Check out http://www.veterantv.tv to better see what I’m talking about 😂 You can see stuff for free on their IG too

That's really interesting. I was sent away to a reformatory boarding school for junior/senior year of HS, so my buddies and I who were always around each other started bantering in a similar manner. Really interesting how the strength/closeness of a bond affects the way people talk to each other.

Processed foods is a big one. Also dropping most liquids that isn't water really help. Actually, just increasing your water intake per day can do wonders. If you currently are drinking below 2 liters per day and you go above that and maintain it by making it a habit, you will see quite a lot of change in your skin imperfections.

If you want to improve the skin on your face I would strongly recommend using moisturizer. My sister got me some Clinique "dramatically different moisturizing lotion +" five years ago and I have used it nearly every day since. I can definitely tell the difference in the quality of my skin compared to other men my age.

Went carnivore for just over a month (for other reasons mainly), but it became too expensive to maintain. Switched to Keto, but had little funds from carnivore to make "simple" meals, so it took too much time.

During this time my skin stopped eating itself (a weird rash on my face and scalp). Then, with a tight budget and about 2 weeks left of the month, I went back to a "standard" diet, but healthier - whole wheat bread, rice, meat, yogurt, musli, fruit, veg, etc. made it simple, cheap and as little processing involved as possible.

Aaaaand a week later my face started trying to eat itself again (and it intensified when I had a bunch of sweets one day).

So now I plan to starve this thing of sugar and sort out my gut biom .

Gherkins (pickles), sauerkraut and apple-ceder vinegar (1-2Tbs downed with warm water every day) for the good bacteria and to combat what ever is going on.

And 2 main oils - Olive and coconut oil. Lots and lots of oil (diet is 70-80% fat). To this end I drink a lot of something similar to a bullet proof coffee, but with no butter and chicory instead of coffee, lots of coconut oil and a little coconut cream. I use a sweetener for this (erythritol - seems to be very neutral on gut and teeth health) sometimes.

Oh and magnesium, vit c, spirulina and sometime potassium.

Ketogenic diet, but there are overlaps from other diets.

Takes an adjustment period to get keto adapted, but it's been 4-5 days now and my face is clear again (also pretty healthy looking), so we'll see after a few months if whatever it is dies.

To clarify: no major scaring, just a slightly sunburned looking forehead from when it started a year ago and the doctor stopped it from getting worse (it was only very bad for a short time when it first hit).

Hahaha, I can get that. For me it was a drastic change though. People didn't know I was trying to sort my skin out (I managed the rash thing well enough), but it became very obvious that there was an improvement in my skin health. Context was usually, "did you start running?" or, "getting more sun?" - conversation starters, you know...

Where do you live? I'm white and Albanian. I'm from Brooklyn, New York. I was born and raised here. I say all of these things, I feel like it just got attached to the typical New York slang. (Dead ass, brick, yerrr, buggin, trippin).

Not who you were replying to but I'm Mexican-American, live in California and my friends and I compliment each other similarly. "Those kicks are hella clean, man/dude/bruh." "That shirt is too fresh!" "Hey, lookin' real sharp, man." It's funny how our compliments tend to be indirect in a sense. We never say to each other, "Dude, you look handsome today."

BRUH. I just laughed obnoxiously loud at your comment and the people sitting on the other side of the break room at work just gave me that "what's so funny" look. I assume, however, you say that jokingly though. Or maybe as a half-truth sort of thing. Still, pretty damn funny!!!

Nah wiggas are the type of whit guy that tries really hard to be the stereotypical black guy from the hood. Might wear a du rag and South Pole pants has a gold tooth. Says the n word casually and tried to sell weed but never re ups on anything bigger than a oz. the type of white guy to say the comments above would be more like a white guy who grew up in predominantly black/Hispanic neighborhoods. Kinda like me. I say these comments above but I’m more skater style white guy that lived in section 8 apartments in central district and Kent area growing up.

Ah okay cool. I live in Australia so we have plenty of "wiggas" but probably nobody like you described. We don't have many Hispanics or even that many Africans here. But we are familiar with American TV, music, etc.

I remember when I was in high school (early 2000s) we had plenty of white guys (my school was pretty much all white) who wore stuff like Fubu, Wu Tang, Dada, Ruff Ryders, Eminem, Snoop Dogg etc. They were usually the people who had little interest in their education and generally acted like idiots.

As a white dude, I would never phrase things that way. There's no way I can say it that doesn't come off racist or just plain stupid sounding. We might say the same thing but in a different way because white dudes speaking AAVE is usually the most awkward thing ever.

At the end of the day, if you’re not hyping your friends up.... are you really friends?!

I want all my homies to succeed. Whether it’s career wise or with relationships.

If my compliment will give him the confidence to shoot his shot at the baddest female he comes across that night, then I did my duties as a friend.

If that boost in confidence allows him to shoot his shot and he actually gets her number or even more, then we all win. That means she has some single friends close by. (Because birds of feather flock together)

In my case, it's often because I recognize they're smarter than I am in a particular topic or area, so I ask them. I wouldn't go ask a rocket scientist how to do an oil change, but I would totally ask a photographer how to get people to smile/laugh for good spontaneous photos. I know guys who unironically will not ask for help, even in topics/areas that they're amateurs in - which makes no sense - because they believe they can work their way through anything. I try to take the exact opposite approach, which has resulted in some people taking my question as a complement. When my former supervisor at work was retiring, I sat down and asked him how I could go about being an inspirational leader for the people I was supervising, and I think he almost cried because I came to him to ask that question, because he had inspired me.

I've never understood this logic. I have plenty of gay friends who have people regularly assume they're straight, but they've never tried to present as "more gay" so people would assume correctly, they just correct them and move on. I don't really get the aversion to people assuming you're gay either, it's not like your preference of a partners genitals make any difference in who you are.

It's because if people think you're gay they tend to mention or imply it to others, which ultimately can result in women thinking you're gay which reduces your chances of romantic involvement with said women. It's not complicated. There's also the chance that you'll get hit on by gay guys who think you're gay, which, while it's not a big deal, is something many people would rather avoid if possible.

Lol naw. People aren’t afraid of being seen as gay because it hurts their chances with women. They’re afraid of being seen as gay because of the massive stigma and stereotypes that come along with that image.

Yes. I live in Mississippi, and grew up with the vast majority of the people in my life assuming I was gay, which made it hard to make friends, got me picked on/bullied quite a bit, and made me genuinely anxious about how people perceived me, which is something I still deal with as an adult. All of that happened just because I was a small boy with an effeminate voice and body who didn't like sports or anything really masculine. It also turned me slightly homophobic, because I didn't want to give anyone additional reasons to think I was gay.

Because of all of that baggage from my youth, it took me until I was in college to actually start dating people, and from there, to open up and try new things and meet new people, and it wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I realized I was, in fact, bisexual.

Still haven't come out, but I doubt my family will be surprised (but my parents and older relatives will definitely not be happy about it). I still remember coming home from college one semester and my dad asking me what I thought about gay marriage becoming legal, which was followed with a homophobic rant that chilled me to my bones - particularly his declaration that gay people were child molesters and perverts. As someone who had, just that semester, went on his first date with a man, I was shook to say the least but could not let my anger show. My dad and I have a much better relationship now, just 4 years later, but he and I still get in spats about homophobic things he says, and I'm able to pretend to be a concerned straight ally with enough poise that he doesn't call me gay anymore.

What makes you think any of this advice is warranted? I was just answering the question. I even clearly stated that there is nothing wrong with being flirted with, but that some people prefer to minimize awkward or unnecessary interactions, and you still made the predictable “oh no being flirted with” comment.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting people to mistake their sexuality.

Honestly, I'm 27 and never had a relationship in my life, and because of this I think at one point I just stopped caring whether or not people think I'm gay because people for some reason sometimes think I am. I'm not to be clear, but people ask me that from time to time. As a result, I like dishing out compliments even if they sound a bit flirty.

Have you lost weight? Hitting the gym? You look great!

Fantastic haircut my dude!

Snazzy jacket.

Those glasses compliment your face pretty well.

So on and so forth. I am very monotone person who doesn't smile all that much (not to mention introverted as all get-out) so I often try to show friendliness through sincere compliments as a way to compensate for my natural demeanor. Sometimes this does earn me a few odd looks here and there, but I'm not too concerned by them. Basically, what I am trying to say here is - Don't be too concerned with what people think. So what if people think your gay? The brief moments of joy you bestow upon those who appreciate the compliments have to be worth bearing those fleeting moments of insecurity.

There's a cute girl at work. All my friends (and I) argue about who she likes most. We have a flirting competition every time we work with her basically (who she flirts with the most, not the other way around). At the end of the day, it's just arguing about who she thinks is most attractive.

"She touched my hand though."

"Ok she said my hair was cute."

"Ya'll got her snapchat though?"

"She asked me if I have a girlfriend so you know."

I sort of enjoy innocent, friendly competition like this, but when it gets to the point where we start putting each other down to seem better (which does happen at times), it gets toxic.

I'm in southern US and we do. Mostly it's the merits of our work, sometimes it's for shared mutual interest. I'll complement my friends who are taking the weight loss journey. I'll compliment my friends who are getting buff. I'll encourage my teammates for making good plays. Nice shirt to those who are wearing something I like. This is how you cultivate and maintain friendships.

I generally don't go up to random people I don't know to compliment them unless I want a little small talk.

But if we are talking about validating a man is attractive, I don't. Saying your handsome, attractive, etc doesn't really do much for me unless it comes from women I find attractive. I'd rather build a dudes confidence in something he is in control of.

This begs the question for me, are a lot of guys ignoring compliments / not paying attention because it isn't from someone you seek approval of? Am I just hearing the vocal minority that don't have large enough social circle for compliments to be common? My personal life differs so greatly with regards to dudes not complimenting dudes.

I find it really interesting that he made this point, because I've seen an uptick in memes from girls saying exactly this too. We don't want to be complimented on how pretty our eyes are or how pretty we are, we want to be complimented on things we are in control of too.

I think it works like this.. Within the social matrix, men have to cultivate their OWN confidence throughout their life. Women are complimented by men fifty times a day (which naturally boosts confidence. It's being consistently verbally validated and reassured on a daily basis. Even with body-language, women catch men sneaking glances/checking them out, and they feel wanted. Guys they mostly act cold to in regards to body-language, because most positive things are perceived as interest.) compared to men, who have gone through life receiving very few compliments over time, really remembering the ones they've gotten. Guys have had to make up for having gone without verbal reassurement by others, so it comes from within as in an, "yeah man, I've got this" kinda way.

Serious props to all the guys out there.. It's just an entirely self-assured kind of confidence you have to cultivate all on your own.

I agree with you. It is more comfortable to give compliments on things other than looks. Even if I want to give compliment on look, then I wouldn't be too obvious about it. For instance, I would say, "You look fly as shit," rather than "You look nice."

No but seriously, you can unleash a shitstorm by complimenting a dude, I saw a dude wearing a very nicely faded pair of Rogue Stanton jeans at the checkout probably a year or so ago and said "Nice jeans, how long have you been working on them?" to be greeted with a very loud and booming "Fuck off faggot!" instantly drawing loads of attention from surrounding people. The denim nerd community is usually pretty tight knit and friendly so this threw me for a loop, it made my whole week when someone commented on my fades once.

I feel like it's a fear of reaction thing and also just that culturally ingrained fear of oh noes will they think I've caught the gay??? Totally unfair and dumb for sure, but getting a compliment from a stranger sure does feel a lot more valuable with how rare they tend to be.

I mean 99% of people buy jeans off a rack and vaguely know that Levis and Wranglers are meant to be good. If you came up to me and said that, I'd assume 'working on them' meant, like, I'd been doing squats to make my arse look perky or something.

I wouldn't even consider that jeans were something you could work on, although I'd also not react like that guy.

One of my friends who's more like a "bro" type will always say "damn you look fresh" whenever he thinks I'm looking good and as someone with self-confidence issues it makes me feel better than he will probably ever know.

Due to the age we live in and with social media ever present, people are needing more and more valuation from others in their daily lives, to reassure them of their tastes, choices, and decisions. It's a bit sad but it is what it is.

Dude to the age we live in and with social media ever present, people are needing more and more valuation from others in their daily lives, to reassure them of their tastes, choices, and decisions. It's a bit sad but it is what it is.

I've seen it, they're worse than women sometimes. When my husband gets around his other buff guy friends, they'll start complimenting each other, talking about their stats and diets and tricks. Also seen basically seen the same thing when discussing beards.

The other gym bros are the only place we can get some appreciation for the achievement. I finally repped 315 on bench not too long ago which was a big milestone for me. Told my fiancée and I could have easily told her that I did 615 for all she cared about it. The number is meaningless to her. My lifting friends however appreciate the accomplishment, ask questions about routine and diet and genuinely appreciate the work it took to get there.

Meanwhile, as far as workout accomplishments all she cares about is what shape my abs are in, she could give two shits about whether I added another inch on my biceps or achieved a better ratio

It's true, we don't really know what all those numbers really mean. And honestly, I'm sure she thinks your abs are really sexy even when you've fallen off the gym wagon. My husband will gain like 15 lbs during the holidays and he honestly looks mostly the same to me. Then he will lose it all in one month and it takes me the rest of the year.

Mainly because of stupid gender roles and expectations. Men are stereotyped to be assholes and pissed off all the time. Therefore when a guy is nice to someone it's assumed that he wants to fuck them. It's dumb and in my opinion makes guys very lonely when kindness can only come from sexual relationships.

yeah, many men don't care about appearances to the point of not noticing. But accomplishments, getting hired, finishing projects, getting a date, helping one another out. Stuff like this solicits expressions of appreciation which are a lot more valuable to most guys than surface level compliments

That's sort of a flippant and hyperbolic response, but I think it belies real issues when it comes to insecurities with male sexuality in the current social climate. So-called "toxic masculinity" is rampant and I think it's causing real, actual issues with men and women.

I wish we could get to a point where it becomes more socially acceptable for men to be vulnerable and emotional and open with each other, and not be seen as weak for it.

I don't know about your friendships, but I have been and have complimented my male friends, acquaintances, and even work colleagues.
Where did this stupid meme come from that men don't do those things? Yes we also roast each other sometimes to show affection and goof off, but we also do give sincere complements and support each other and show sympathy when having a rough time. We just perhaps don't go around giving as much insincere polite 'compliments' as some women do.

Simple, its gay. If anyone besides my father said I look good, there would be a long awkward silence... The only exception is if someone is in a suit or some formal shit, but even then we would NOT say " you look so good" We would say "aye you look fly as fuck my nigga" or you say " Damn you really balling" I guess it depends where you from but the people I grew up with would not let this shit fly.

I mean you can start compliment other dudes. Like when I’m a the urinal I just look at the other dudes dick and say niceeeee. Perfectly reasonable thing to do and it isn’t gay. You guys need to grow up.

I think men do compliment each other, but on what we produce or achieve, not what we are. We compliment on making a killer sale, an awesome carpentry project, scoring a hot wife, and so on. Chalk it up to cultural expectations of being providers and protectors.

I am surrounded by guys who dish out compliments. I do the same as well. I am seeing everyone reference their frats, and my case is no different. We are all heavily involved in each-other's life achievements and one friend of mine who I introduced to the group at a party was very weirded out by our, "togetherness". He was not used to the behaviors. We are all very relaxed with eachother. I can honestly say that my guys have provided me with more mental comfort than any female I have been with.

Everyone on my cross team compliments each other often, either jokingly or seriously and it really makes me feel good sometimes. Although, I have noticed guys are a little scared of complimenting others usually.

Sometimes I wonder where this idea that all straight dudes are terrified of showing emotion/affection comes from. I compliment other guys all the time and they compliment me, and it’s never been weird or given a second thought.

We are conditioned to give compliments to women, and receive non in return. It feels foreign and strange when we receive them.. as such I never compliment guys, because I hate the feeling of not knowing what to say when I get one and don't want to put that on someone else.

The problem you have is you make it a thing based on sex. Compliment people. I don't give a shit if you're a man or a woman. Do I like your jacket? Compliment. New haircut that looks awesome? Compliment.

Just recently I saw this rant here at reddit from a woman who feels sexually harrassed when a waiter says "Hot soup for the sexy lady!". My answer simply was stating that they do it to everyone or atleast many people. Mostly for a good vibe and tips, sometimes it helps brightening up and staying friendly yourself, as a waiter, over the day with not so friendly customers.

So what she replied then is relevant for this topic; "I bet they wouldnt do that to guys".

And hell yeah, they do! I frequented restaurants in my area on a daily basis multiple times (lunch, dinner and sometimes breakfast). Pretty often, like 6/10 of the times, I got some sort of compliment. Even from waiters. Or barkeepers.

She just assumed the stoic masculinity, and maybe a bit of "I am too pretty for this world. Everyone is just flirting with me. I cant help it". But still also assumed stoic masculinity. Like no man would ever compliment without flirting.

But I do, too! Just a week ago I complimented this italian guy for wearing a super dope outfit. It looked really good, and I am not even into guys. I just like good clothes myself. Thats all. There is sometimes a lot of thought behind an outfit, and especially when you try something different you are not entirely confident when first time wearing it.

I compliment my fellow bros all the time, and they seem to do the same for me. I do find that I am the one that tends to initiate male-on-male complimenting in a given space I am in, but I'm good with that. I think other dudes like it too, someone just needs to break the ice.

Ah yeah it is about being a MAN. If you need to get compliments from other men your going to be waiting a long ass time. Men are supposed to have that inner confidence that says " I dont give a fuck what other people think"--which is exactly the behavior that women like about men. If you need compliments my friend you are either a beta male or gay. Sorry but in the words of James Bond, MAN UP!

A man who's not comfortable doing things that are usually traits of the feminine, is a man who's insecure about his masculinity (and oh boy is that a common problem). A man who's confident about his masculinity won't shake in discomfort even if people are throwing glitter at him (or if he says a compliment to another guy), men need to learn to build and maintain their masculine until they can trust that a mere word or a bright color won't budge it.

I agree and disagree with this. I think some men deal with insecure masculinity. But I also think there are men who just dislike a lot of the things associated with being feminine. Like do I not want to get glitter on me because I’m scared of what people will think or do I not want glitter on me because I don’t like glitter.

I DON’T LIKE GLITTER.

Do I not want to wear pink because I’m scared people will think I’m gay or do I not wear pink because I don’t like the color pink.

I DON’T LIKE THE COLOR PINK.

But like I said, I do agree that some men deal with insecurities and try to be macho about it. I just don’t think it’s as blanket of a statement as you made it.

Maybe an age thing. I have numerous circles of friends and we are in our late 30s/early 40s and we compliment each other. We also will be the first to give each other shit. I think it's a confidence in one's self thing and feeling secure enough to give another man a compliment because it isn't the social norm.

Straight (bearded) male here. I compliment men all the time. It has nothing to do with sexuality. Another male has a nice beard, I compliment it. In this case, it's isolated to other bearded men, because complimenting someone's "clean shaven" face might come across a little odd. But If I see someone with an awesome haircut, awesome shoes, neat hat, sweet car, or really cool outfit, I compliment them. It feels good when people compliment me, so I like to pay it forward. Simple things like that really can boost our confidence, day, and overall wellbeing.

Men don't compliment other men unless they feel comfortable enough in their sexuality. If a man is insecure, they will associate complimenting a fellow man as being "gay" and won't do it in fear of people thinking they're gay. What they don't realize is that they're just making themselves look like idiots when they do this so oh well.

We dont just compliment each others clothes or belongings either. One time me and a friend gave each other a hug and both said "whoa you smell good." at the same time. It was pretty funny. I know that sounds super gay, but we are straight friends who have grown up together and are completely secure with not only our sexuality but also each others. Meaning I know my friends are straight without the slightest doubt, so things like complimenting each other or even being completely honest about our emotions and shit is not weird at all. None of us have to put on some bullshit front to try to act tough. We are not insecure and that allows us to be completely honest. If my friends are lookin cool. Ill straight up tell them.

My friendship group has always been the stereotypical “lads insulting each other”. “Alright dickhead” “ayy it’s the short prick” etc. Are all how we talk to each other.

Mix in your standard internet joking about depression / suicide and we are actually pretty toxic to each other. It wasn’t until years later I noticed that this genuinely was having a negative effect on me, I didn’t have a good thing to say about myself.

Luckily for me my brother spent years and years living away from home (army / now pilot) and I couldn’t work out why I loved going to see him so much... wasn’t until I realised he was the only one who’d pay me a compliment all year that the penny dropped. Love you bro.

I like watches. A customer came in with a Cartier Roadster and I complemented it. We talked for two minutes before he asked me if I “had time for daddy later”. I said no dude, I’m straight. I just like watches...

Guys compliment each other all the time. We just compliment different things than women and gay men value.

We don't care about our hair, we care about the quality of our work, the willingness to lend a hand, our strength and accomplishments. I have rarely seen a good man shy away from a compliment or pass an opportunity to compliment a man for a good piece of work, a good effort, etc.

The only usual barrier is whether you have a base relationship with the other guy or not.

Women offer fake compliments to other women all the time. I don't see not doing that as a bad thing.

Tbh I compliment my friends when they’re crushing it. But I’m not a fan of just peddling bullshit someone’s way for the sake of it. Your word and therefore the power of your actual compliments are eroded that way.

I can't relate, my friends and I are always complementing each other when we out here looking really fresh, but the one thing that always gets me is when my twin brother complements me like he out of nowhere says " Hey Youngsaucegod69 you know you're really handsome" and I don't know why but it tears me up, especially since I have some bad body positivity issues.

​

P.S. we look nothing alike so he's not stroking his ego buy telling me I look good .

I won't compliment a man on his appearance, because I don't care about it and he shouldn't care if I compliment him on it.
He should be secure enough for that.

I will ask for advice if I notice how my colleague does something better or knows more about a subject than me. You could count that as an indirect compliment and not a very sincere one, since I only use it to get something out of it.

I think people tend to compliment men more for our accomplishments rather than just what we are. Not that there isn't some effort involved in looking good, but "looking good" is a passive thing, and men are rewarded for doing, not being.

I have no problem complimenting other men. I like to bring people up whenever possible. Especially in the gym. I do bodybuilding and I’m pretty meaty at 5’9 and 226 pounds, so sometimes there is tension between myself and other men. If I see them making progress or they have good form or even consistently making the gym I like to tell them. It also helps break the tension.

I literally just complimented the same guy twice in the same morning from my school. He had a nice hair cut and had a really sharp white dress shirt on. I commented on both at different times. I'm 24, he's probably 25, so I guess we're more secure in our masculinity?

Going through a breakup has made me realise that as human beings, we aren't particularly nice to each other - especially men to men. I've since made a concerted effort to let my guy friends know when they look nice, or just generally compliment them on something.

​

I was also listening to a Joe Rogan podcast the other week and he said he always tells his guy friends his loves them, and it got me thinking about why we don't do this?! I've since started telling my close guy mates that I love them. Sometimes sharing love and being positive and forthcoming with your emotions leads us to feel good internally.

Me and my friends compliment each other all the time. Only close friends though. And its more on determination, loyalty, assertiveness, character. But if i see my friend wearing something new i will stop the show and act like he bought it for me. I will play around and ask others to take in how hes killing it in his new jacket, “woaaahhh straight out the shop yh? Looking fresh bro” and he does the same vice versa. which makes us both look good nine times out of ten to whoever is listening. “New hair cut? Ohhhhh shit you got shaped up for them now? I could put a ruler on that line up how you get it so neat?”
I regularly remind one of my friends how much i respect him for the effort he makes to see his daughter, and if im working with someone i make sure to ‘learn’ something really ‘useful’ from them and be openly grateful about it so others know he helped me.
Really we’re all insecure as fuck. Insecurity in a male is like female repellent so you gota snap each other out of it.
I love to hear my boys being arrogant.
You talk that shit bro. Damn right ur the man. Tell them again.

I don't tend to compliment straight men because I'm gay. I don't want them to misconstrue my intent; that could put them in a very uncomfortable situation. Worst-case scenario, it could out me in a potentially DANGEROUS situation. I also don't want them talking shit to their little friends about how the gay guy was flirting with them.

I know most straight guys won't react it this way, but it's not worth the risk. Girls though? I'll compliment them all day!

Yikes, just realized this question wasn't even remotely directed at me. Gotta learn to read.

I don't tend to complimentstraight men because I'm gay. I don't want them to misconstrue my intent; that could put them in a very uncomfortable situation. Worst-case scenario, it could out me in a potentially DANGEROUS situation. I also don't want them talking shit to their little friends about how the gay guy was flirting with them.

I always complement people. Make or female. Just because you do so doesn’t make you gay. Doesn’t make you seem gay. Doesn’t mean anything at all. People are just stupid. As long as YOU are confident in your sexual preferences then the rest of them be damned.

It all depends on context. I would totally tell a friend and only a friend or family member hey that shirt looks cool or maybe I like your haircut. But that’s the extent of it. I suppose one could say it’s homophobia. But in my opinion men need to be men not feminine . Women can be all touchy feely but it isn’t appropriate for a man to be that way with another man there’s just something that’s wrong about it and would make me feel uncomfortable if another man was just touching all over me. I know it’s a stretch from compliments to touching but once you open the door, I feel like people will push boundaries.

I think as I've gotten older, we are able to compliment each other without being weirded out or uncomfortable. I've never been that way but I can see why my friends might have been. But man, it's always more fun to roast them.

I feel like it may depend where you live or go to school or whatever. Me and my friends compliment each other all the time and when I'm out drinking I get complimented by random dudes and I compliment random dudes too. It's always a "Hey bro, you look fan-fucking-tastic, score one for the team tonight" type of deal. We can be a wholesome

It is sometimes because we are afraid that someone will assume we are gay. I am straight and I am sometimes able to admit to myself that a guy looks good and I only do for purposes of awareness (to recognize competition). I never would like to admit it for reasons stated above. Don’t think that just because we don’t say it doesn’t mean we don’t occasionally think it.

For me, it's hard to compliment my buddy because...I honestly don't know. I'll occasionally do it here; no problem there. But my father always said, "men don't cry, boy." And whenever I'd try to do something with my appearance, I was a "homo."

But all those things had me growing up not caring what your sexual preference was. My best buddy is pan and I couldn't care less. But I have the hardest time telling him he's sweet/funny/good-looking. And it's not because I'm worried someone will think I'm gay. It's more because...I can't let him in on how much I actually care about him.

Because men are generally treated as hitting on someone when they give a compliment, especially if it's physical. And a lot of men really do only give compliments when they want to sleep with someone. Nobody wants to be the creeper, and hitting on someone when they don't want to be hit on is generally creepy, so you don't want to seem like you're hitting on someone when you're not. It also wouldn't be fun if they took it as hitting on them when it really wasn't and they did want it, when you're straight.

I do think this is changing. I teach college freshmen and often see these younger guys being complimentary to one another. One memorable instance was after Thanksgiving, one of my football kids came back with a haircut, and all of his buddies in the class were very loudly complimentary. It was nice!

Maybe there’s a scientific reason.
Like men need to mate and they feel mad/jealous when they see guy better than them. As it ruins ones chance at mating and all.
Idk, maybe it’s just me.
I’m selfish, I don’t compliment until someone compliments me.
I know it’s bad, I’m working on it.

I'm guessing I'll be in the minority here, but my friends and I don't compliment based on looks because.... we really don't care all that much about it.

We'll compliment other things, like when one of us bests a personal time for a triathlon, or when someone builds something interesting/useful, like say a cnc, or some automated drone stuff, or does something interesting with a raspberry pi. And in the gym, we'll tend to compliment friends' achievements, like doing an impressive deadlift or w/e, by complimenting the amount of weight lifted / personal best achieved, rather than saying something like "Damn, your ass is fantastic! You must squat!".

Long answer: many men have a very fragile and narrow idea of what being a "man" means. They are afraid of things that this narrow masculinity says are not manly. Anything that could even remotely be construed as non-manly is bad. And traditionally, BOTH appreciating something/someone and focusing on anything other than what men are supposed to notice are seen as a warning sign.

So when you compliment another man and you're particularly paranoid about your image as a man, you might be either worried about appearing anything other than 100% full, testosterone-fueled, heterosexual obsessed about women (and complimenting a man -> interested in men -> LOL GHEI), or worried that showing genuine appreciation or any positive emotion makes you look weak. So you don't.

Or to put it another way: toxic masculinity is inherently homophobic and filled with misogyny. So it discourages doing or saying anything that's associated with non-straight men or women (and you notice yourself that compliments is something you notice women doing, a lot).

To be clear: I'm not saying toxic masculinity is the norm, but it shapes how men in general perceive the world. So the norm is for men not to compliment men, just in case. I wouldn't call myself particularly concerned with my image as a macho man, but on occasion, when I complimented a guy about something, I met with such a hostile reaction (usually with the implication that either I was being unmanly because of the compliment, or saying that the *guy I was complimenting* was somehow tarnished by the compliment) that I just don't bother anymore. I don't foresee such compliments being taken well, unless I know the dude extremely well and know he won't be bothered/upset. But I am still subconsciously hesitant to make such compliments.

It’s all contextual. Most of my complements are pretty low key, like “I see you working!” or if we’re both succeeding at something particularly challenging, I’d say “it’s like we almost knew what we are doing”. It’s about acknowledging the effort, because a lot of what we do is mentally challenging and easy to botch. I’m not sure if other people would consider it a complement but everyone I talk to enjoy my little sayings, even if their not registering it as a compliment.

IMHO, guys overall aren't as tuned into the subtle nuances of dress and grooming to the extent that women in general are so unless something is outstanding, we really don't notice it to a conscious degree.

Having said that, I do compliment my friends when they wear, say, or do something that actually surfaces my past my monkey brain and comes to my awareness. "Nice shirt dude!" or "That's a sweet idea, good thinking guy!". I also will go the other direction... "Dude, who the fuck dressed you?"

TLDR; Looks aren't a big part of our perception, we're just getting on with what we're doing, work or leisure.

I only compliment someone when I mean it. I'm more likely to compliment someone's achievement than his clothes or his haircut. But you know sometimes you just gotta be like, hey man you have a really handsome penis!

This reminds me of the meme where is shows the difference between guys interacting and girls interacting. The male’s show the guys roasting their friend as he leaves but complimenting him when he’s gone. The female’s show the girls compliment their friend as she leaves and then gossiping about her when she’s gone. Not saying that’s how it always is but I can see the truth in that meme.

I'm straight and I still compliment people. Being gay isn't a bad thing, but I feel like most people don't give compliments because they are afraid of giving a "gay" impression. You have a nice jacket? I'm going to say "I like that jacket". Just being a decent human being and spreading good vibes.

I've realized that I do get compliments from male friends and strangers alike, but I don't often recognize it as a compliment. I filter it out as if it were a pleasantry, like someone asking "how are you doing?" and I'll respond with same level of ambivalence I do to that question.

But, when I do realize, it does make me feel good. The other day, a friend complimented me on my hair which I've let grow longer than usual. That comment did a lot for my confidence.

But when it comes to complimenting others, I don't do it because I don't feel like I've earned the authority to do so. My lack of self confidence makes me feel like it's not my place to compliment someone else. My train of thought in a nutshell is "who am I to compliment this handsome dude on his fashion sense, why would he give a shit about what I think, I shouldn't bother him".

But, I've come to acknowledge that I don't have a monopoly on lacking self confidence, and knowing how I feel when I get complimented, I've been getting better at handing out spontaneous compliments to others. Getting a genuine signal of appreciation from someone I've complimented feels almost as good as getting a compliment myself.

Here in Mexico we don't particularly compliment each other but we do flirt with "bros" in a joking manner, cat calling and saying how gorgeous or hot he is. It is said that "si no joteas con tus compas no son compás de verdad" meaning "if you don't act like your gay with your mates, they aren't your mates".

I played football my whole life thru college so I guess it makes sense that I'm around the more traditional stoic masculinity. I'm glad to hear that some of you give and receive compliments with your buddies all the time, I think I need to start expanding my circle of friends.

Traditionally the more stoic and masculine the fellow, the easier the compliments rolled off the tongue. Seems to me that most of your friends are more worried about how they appear.

I propose this: Most men aren't truly self conscience about their besides when their status will challenged around other men or a female may be in the mix. Women, however, tend to be much more self aware with regard to appearance, which is why there is a focus on these sort of complements. I can provide a few studies that would support this.

Really? I compliment my friends a decent amount, and they do the same. It's not like we tell each other how good looking we are, but complementing clothes, shoes, lifting strength, game, and other things are all on the table.

Late to the party, but I think a lot of it has to do with gender issues on a much larger scale. Typically when men compliment someone they’re complimenting a woman, and through that flattery they are oftentimes presumed to be in some sort of sexual or romantic pursuit. This gets simplified to compliment = romantic/sexual pursuit. Not necessarily the case all or even most of the time, but that’s how it is viewed frequently. Then, when a man gives a compliment to another man, it can be interpreted that same way (or at least the complimenter may fear that it be interpreted that way) and be seen as a man hitting on another man, or a man placing another man in the role generally reserved for women (receiver of compliments) and that’s where things get fuzzy or socially uncomfortable

I constantly roast my mates but we also compliment each other plenty. They give me a lot of support when it comes to weight loss and things too. They're mostly marines and army dudes. I'd say they say something complimentary or nice to me daily.

I have gay friends who are "the straightest guys I know." So, I feel like it's more about masculinity. I definitely feel the fear of intimacy with other men. When I get a big grin on my face at seeing my buddy for the first time in a while, my immediate, internal knee-jerk reaction is "whoa, don't get too excited there!" It's like since middle School, the pressure has always been that I can't be chatty and friendly with another male. I'll be called "gay" or effeminate.

My friends and I compliment each other all the time, there are a few things that I’ll say to mess with them because sometimes it’ll make them uncomfortable if I say I love you haha so I do that all the time. But it’s something I picked up after highschool, it’s something that guys need and it’s very encouraging. Definitely not doing every waking moment but an occasional nice compliment goes a long way.

Never? Idk if that's true. But in terms of meaningless peripherals (to our relationship as men) like how my hair looks? Well.... Frankly I don't give a f if a "bro" likes or doesn't like my hair, and most of my "bros" that I would be friends with don't care whether mine is perfectly quaffed or not either.

If a bud gets a haircut and mentions it, I'll usually just say, "Yeah, look good", because they're obviously fishing for approval and haven't received it from the outside world. But that's as far as it goes. As I said, what my bud's hair looks like is irrelevant.

Our hetero male relationships are usually based on shared activities and interests, and in my case and those of the guys I have been friends with, they don't include how to pluck our eyebrows, which shirt makes our chests look more perky, which pair of jeans make our asses look like hawt, or whether our lip color needs something more... On the other hand, good friends may very occasionally mutually bitch about having to shave our nose hair or complain about excessive chest/back hair, electric vs straight razor shaving, or going gray as we age and "using a coloring agent or leave it alone?" (I'm 59, mainly pepper but a little salt, but some guys I've known over the past 10-15 years are graying fully in a short time - or have already - or are balding...and even men can be a bit vane), although it's not a running theme in any of the friendships I've had with guys over the years...

It comes down to those things not being very important in the nature of our friendships imo.

However, that's my world. I can't speak for metroboy, clubscene, or "downtown" culture, where that sort of stuff might be more important. I'm just an engineer, programmer, musician.

As a general rule, we straight men tend to be more rigid and insecure in our sexual orientations because society is extremely harsh and cruel towards gay men in ways that boggle my mind to no end. From simple schoolyard bullying to state sponsored murder, the human race has consistently reminded us that it is NOT OKAY to be gay, that the worst thing you could be is a “fairy” or a “homo” or a “faggot”.

I personally have experimented sexually with both men and women on many occasions and decided I was straight after trying out being gay, bisexual, and pansexual. While having an unconventional sexuality wasn’t for me, I have nothing against it and am all for the passive abolition of toxic gender norms (note: not all gender norms are toxic or involuntary, I am referring specifically to those that are). I am not insecure about my sexuality at all so I do compliment other straight men and they are quite often taken aback.

A common narrative in modern society is that of male privilege, but in spite of the benefits, we are actually expected to be quite brutish and devoid of abstract emotions in many situations. This often results in poverty and extreme isolation for those who don’t cooperate with the system or function well. Simply put, our society treats men that do not conform to the ideal image of what a man should be like shit. So many of them are in prison, it is a genuine hell of a tragedy. While I realize this might pale in comparison to the injustices that have been imposed on the opposite sex over the years, the masculine gender role in modern western society is pretty toxic at this juncture.

Most of the ardently straight men I know bottle up their feelings and don’t know how to express themselves because they’ve been taught it is weak to show emotion. They vent through anger or self destructive behavior and poke fun at men who use healthy coping mechanisms to deal with natural emotions. We have a regressive pop, marketing, and sports culture that reinforces this ideal of the male that is a stoic rock. You know, the one that nobody wants to admit is superior to his weaker counterparts, but deep down everyone knows the score, especially the women, is what marketers would like you to think. Got to work out, make money, conform to that ideal. “Every girl is crazy for a sharp dressed man”.

Masculine energy is expected to emanate naturally. A male discarded by society is truly a sorry sight to behold. It makes me sad to see young men just coming out of boyhood into this particular era because it expects men to be so callous, and neuroscience suggests that men feel emotions just as deeply and intensely as women do. The fact that they express it differently it does not mean it isn’t there. The way women deal with their emotions is much healthier, although again I am not trying to make light of the issues they have. They just seem better at talking through things with platonic friends of the same sex, and I see them compliment one another on their appearance constantly.

Another thing to keep in mind is that men have not been taught to place immense value on physical appearance in the way women have and there is a firm belief among many men, and women for that matter, that you are defined by what you do and not the way you look. We have not been battered by beauty standards the way women have, so sometimes complimenting someone’s appearance seems out of the blue and just elicits a confused reaction. You also see a somewhat ironic backlash to our exclusion from rigid beauty standards in the “metrosexual” and LGBT communities, where men get super into clothing and makeup.

So to wrap my rant up into a cohesive line of comment, I would say men don’t compliment each other because society has taught us to be insecure about our sexualities and not to focus much on our external appearance as a source of validation. Simple.

I compliment my guy friends if I notice something (which is very rarely) and if I feel close enough to that person that it won’t be weird. In fact, I will compliment my guy friends more than my lady friends because the guys can’t take it the wrong way, but the women might.

Unless I say, “Those pants make your bulge look nice,” then they don’t know what to think. Women.

I think it’s how most men are brought up: we’re taught to behave, (unpopularity biased opinions here) taught to ignore complimenting well looking men or commenting on how handsome they are or how good they look in their clothes because its not right, there is a certain amount of pride instilled within us that hinders the open mind of most men becauseof how were raised, and there’s a lot of homophobia among young men both gay and straight ironically enough. My way of living is weird, like, I have no problem complimenting my friends. I’ve never personally received a compliment from my guy friends along the lines of “Hey man you’re looking handsome! Who’s the lucky lady?!” Like that’s almost unheard of because of current social norms and all the conflicting controversially driven issues between people. I don’t buy into the bullshit and speak my mind, which i believe is a minority.

If I could sum it up simply and in a TLDR way I’d say it’s because as of this year, in 2018, the world has created so many problems between each other ranging from racism to homophobia and sexism to bullying, abuse and political views that it’s become really really hard to openly speak your mind without being branded or judge in some way.

I think you’re all fucking good looking and awesome, I love y’all. Be good :)

Honestly, after my middle school and high school experiences, I thought you were always supposed to shit on your good bros. It wasn’t until I got to college when I just kept ripping into dudes and they were like damn man that’s kinda mean.....I guess we are just brought up to not be too nice to each other because it might seem gay

I have a ton of meathead buddies and we always compliment one another. We compliment our lifts, beards, caboose, just never talk about our packages if in the locker room or sauna.. but you need better friends, bros in my circle compliment one another often and even provide emotional support if we are going through stuff and let one another cry it out.

I guess that is part of the misconception that males can't show affection to other males. Any kind of affection.

Guys, don't be afraid to show affection to friends. Males, females, straights or gays. As well with family members. If you want to do it, do it. If they want to compliment you, be open to that. A lot of men are afraid of these interactions thanks to the idea of rejection or that is not allowed and we should normalice that.

I compliment a lot with my friends. Sometimes even silly stuff like: Hey man that is a really nice haircut or I love your shirt. They tend to do it as well. With achievements too, not only physical looks.

I'm going to make an effort to give at least 1 compliment to my guy friends every day from now on

That is the reason your friends haven't been complimenting you. Someone has to be the first, someone has to lead by example. You might get teased for it initially but remain unfazed and stick with it. Soon your behavior will seem normal and when others notice that giving out compliments hasn't made you any less masculine they'll follow suit. That's how it's worked for every male friend group I've been in.

If you start lifting weights, get strong and big, or just really lean, you’ll get more compliments and admiration from guys than you will from anyone else. However, it is also really fun to rip the shit out of other guys because they never take it seriously.

I compliment their stuff, accomplishments and/or things they are into that I would maybe like. "Nice car, dude! Can I drive?" "Hey, nice job taking out half the other team with just a knife (while playing COD or something)!" "Yo, that movie looks cool! I can't believe I never heard of it!"

I gave a friendly smile to another guy in middle school and he punched me. That sort of experience at that age leaves a pretty big psychological dent.

I compliment men and women whenever I can, but male behavior is pretty heavily circumscribed socially, at least where I live (Atlanta). There's a lot that my wife can say to someone when we're out that I cannot say because I'm a guy, such that for some comments I'm inclined to make in a particular circumstance, I'll ask my wife to say it on my behalf so that it won't be fraught with all of the stay-in-your-man-box social bullshit.

There's this old joke about how women compliment each other face to face and then talk thrash behind their backs while men are jerks to each other face to face and than saying nice things about them when they can hear.

Just got back in the gym a few weeks ago and my buddy at work was the first to say he noticed. He said “Damn mynamehere you’re looking good bro, what gym you been going to?” So I told him and he told me the gym he goes to which my gf also goes to. So, it felt good to get that first compliment after starting to work on getting healthy and back in shape.

Hmm. Good question. Men have lots of insecuities due to inflated egos & pride. Therefore I don't think it does most men good to bloviate over sappy meaningless stuff. "Nice haircut" is a poor acknowledgement compared to the more reverent words some people might use, but I almost see it as a currency that retains meaningful value when used sparsely.

I think that part of the perception that guys don’t compliment each other much comes from the fact that you’re comparing it to your idea of how often women compliment each other, and frankly a lot of those compliments can be pretty hollow. A perfunctory “ohmygosh I LOVE your top you are KILLING it” “OMG THANK you” loses its impact when it happens constantly because you can’t tell whether it’s sincere or just coming from a place of “gotta give out those compliments”. I might not get compliments from my guy friends as often (not NEVER, but not as often), but when I do, I know with dead certainty that he is actually significantly impressed.

To me it's all about how you see your 'friends' and how they see you. I think in a lot of male friend circles there is constant competition. To compliment someone in this environment concedes something to the other which is why those men don't do it. If you are genuine friends and really want to see each other succeed, without seeing the other person succeeding as a loss on your part, you can compliment freely. Are you and your friends really conscious of the often unspoken dynamic that is present?

I sometimes will. It also depends on how long and how well I have known the guy. The reason why that is if I know he doesn't take compliments from other guys very well I won't say anything. Usually I'll say if their shirt looks nice.

I compliment my friends all the time. Especially if they're going on a date or something formal. Even out of nowhere too, it's not too uncommon . Hell this past weekend my buddy was all dressed up from seeing a girl and one compliment I can remember me saying was" damn you even got the sexy boots on too". It's normal for us at least.

That being said it's not something we do constantly, all day every day. If we notice something then we'll speak on it. If not then like that other guy said, it's mostly just talking shit to each other cuz that's more fun.

It is from the concept of a more traditional masculinity among men, but I think it’s ridiculous. Who doesn’t wanna hear, from anyone, that they look good, smell good, etc.? As a joke, I even started a “men’s compliment club” among my friend circle to try and get guys to just compliment each other. I compliment everyone I know, all the time, and it’s wonderful to get it back as well

I compliment my friends on stuff they do well (for example, if someone has some really good roleplay in our dnd game). I don't compliment my guy friends on visual/appearance things because I don't find men attractive so they don't really register.

I indirectly compliment other men from time to time. For example, last month I saw a fellow dad, who clearly worked out, boarding a plane with his family shortly after I had just gotten mine settled in their seats. As he walked by me I said, “Hey there dad, don’t you know the FAA strictly prohibits guns on planes?” His smile lit up like a Christmas tree, and we shared a good chuckle. He even gave me one of those friendly single-pat-on-the-shoulder with a “thanks man!” - We both parted with good feels.

Because we confuse being attracted to a guy with being attracted to the fact that if we looked like that guy we'd get laid more. Because someone says you look good does not necessarily mean they want to curl up with you on the couch and/or put their fist in your ass.

So back when I was in highschool, I played on the hockey team. I went to a large school (3000+ students) and all the guys never said shit about how others looked. We kept it low key on the team, like we would pass each other in the hall and say hey you look nice, cutie ;), but as a joke. Since I've been in college, I decided to compliment my friends on their looks to get more positive energy in my life. Most of my guy friends love it too. They've said it's nice to know that they're looking good, even if it comes from a straight guy. It really boosted their confidence and you could see a night and day difference in their attitudes. I highly recommend you try with your friends.

My entire group of friends compliment each other regularly! Not just physical stuff either. Lots of positive affirmations for everything you can think of. It's pretty amazing and I'm super grateful for it!

How is anything he said relevant to gay guys? They compliment each other all the time. And seeing as how typical masculine traits are now “toxic”, I can’t see how the most effeminate men are going to be affected by it.

Stop hanging out with fuckin' meatheads lmao. Normal people aren't uncomfortable complimenting each other. My friends and I are a group of about 20+ people, most of us dudes... not a single one is shy in that way. Some of us dress nicer than others, some are more casual... we all get love from each other, its just respect.

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Those people who are uncomfortable with that kind of stuff probably grew up in shit environments and I pity them.

I feel like we compliment based on attire. Once told my bosses boss that I liked his shirt. I've been told that purple looks good on me. Sometimes it can be something different that looks appealing (like a haircut) where we give a compliment. I think some guys might not like it if another guy says "those pants fit you good" cause then it passes a certain boundary (for straight males.)

I am a a male, you know that thing where there are the 5 ways we show people we love them or whatever? Like words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, etc. well, I have often told people that none of these really make sense to me. Sure, I like it when I receive a gift or when someone hangs out with me but 1 isn’t necessarily better than the other. Maybe I’m just a dude and am less emotional than all these chicks reading a book about love and life. Now I understand. My love language is not on this list. My love language is “words of depreciation”. I feel the most loved when I am with someone who gives me a hard time about anything. It can be the way I look, if I say something stupid or weird, anything. If someone is making fun of me and is doing so in a joking manner, instant happiness.

Anyway, I think this is because of the way I was groomed by society as a man. We learn to be hard and tough and to never show weakness or ask for help. I grew up around people who just gave you a hard time all the time. And now that I’m grown up and the culture is changing, there is a lot less of that. Now everyone is trying not to step on each other’s toes. I guess my point is, that this might be the reason why as a male, I never compliment other males. Because it’s not my love language and therefore don’t go out of my way or even think about mentioning it for other people.

idk, i compliment my close guy friends all the time. If you gather all your knowledge of men from movies then yeah, you'd wonder why men don't compliment each other, but it's really who you hang out with and how secure they are in their identity.