4 New Year's Resolutions Everyone Makes But No One Ever Follows Through With

There are New Year's resolutions you can keep, and ones you wont. For instance, one of mine was "delete Candy Crush Saga". Done. It hurts, but a week from now, I will have forgotten all about it, and 2015 will be a productive, Candy Crush Saga-free year for me. But there are other resolutions I've made that, quite simply, I know I won't keep. Like "get abs." LOL forever. As if I'm going to "get abs". Guess what? I have abs, and they are happily doing their job beneath a layer of...protection. I'll try for a while, give up because pizza, maybe try again mid-year, and again, give up, possibly the second time because dumplings. New Year's resolutions hinge on their priority in your life. For me, reading a book or cooking or watching TV are all more important than Candy Crush. But food and eating and sitting around will always be more important to me than abs. Ergo, no matter what resolutions I set, I am destined to live an ab-free existence. So it goes.

If you're setting New Year's resolutions, the only ones you're going to stick to are the ones that are more important to you than whatever you've been doing all along. There are certain resolutions, however, that we all keep making every single year—and that none of us ever seems to stick to. These sort of resolutions are made simply so we don't feel like horrible humans. We recognize our shortcomings and resolve to change them, without actually having any real conviction about doing so. Here are the four main kinds of resolutions you make with good intent, but will soon be long forgotten moments of whimsy.

1. Anything To Do With Dieting

No one ever sticks to the dieting thing they say they're going to do. That's because diets are fad-ish and dumb, and food and eating both most excellent things. There will be periods of the year where you eat better and exercise more, and there will be times when it's all pizza and chocolates. But unless you have the will of a robot machine and are able to suppress all emotion/desire/joy from your personality, there is no way you're going to spend a whole year on some shitty diet. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

2. Drink Less Alcohol

Again, your desire to drink alcohol is probably going to outweigh your desire to not drink alcohol. And unless you're an actual alcoholic who is in a program (in which case, you totally got this—2015 will be the driest year of all time!), it's unlikely you're going to curb your alcohol consumption for any meaningful period of time. After all the drinking during the holiday season, it's perfectly natural to want to give up the boozing for a bit. And you might well survive a sober January! But then there's Valentine's Day (dating or single, you'll drink). Easter. Spring. ALL OF SUMMER. And before you know it, the holidays will be here again. So, no matter what you say now, you will very likely drink just as much alcohol in 2014 as you did in 2015.

3. Get Off Social Media

Stop stalking your ex, and those people you went to high school with, and your co-worker who seems to be perpetually in the Hamptons. Stop stalking all of them. At least, that's the promise you've made to yourself for this year. Social media is a time sucker, and sometimes can make you feel extra bad about yourself. You might resolve that the answer is to remove yourself from social platforms altogether, but in what world is that a reality? When all your friends are posting fun photos from the weekend, everyone is using social to invite each other to future events, and if, depending on what your job is, you need to be on social media for work, there's very little chance you're going to give it up entirely. You can stop using it as a way to make yourself feel bad, sure, but you're suck in the matrix. Accept it, and move on.

4. Stop Online Shopping So Much

I tell myself I'll stop. I tell myself I'll unsubscribe from the Nasty Gal, Zara, H&M, Pixie Market, etc. mailing lists. I tell myself I should save my money for travel, home wears, for the sake of saving. You probably tell yourself all these things too. But they're lies. You'll never stop. As long as Uniqlo is selling cashmere sweaters on sale for $59.90, YOU CAN'T STOP.