On top of Mount Windy

Published 4:03 am, Thursday, March 26, 2015

"There’s no sense a-tall,” said Alphonse “Windy” Wilson, “in climbin’ a mountain. Why, you can percolate up to the top and what do you get? Tired.”

Windy had cornered several old ladies who were leaving the Rest of Your Life retirement home to walk two blocks to the store. They weren’t fast enough to escape him.

“Yessum … them mountain climbers … why I recollectivate a bunch of them went up a Alp and fell off and killed theirselves … mortally dead, too. Why? I guess so they could stand up there in the wind and freeze and look down and say ‘Golly, what a great view!’ ”

Windy paused and studied their faces to see if his lecture was taking effect. Hard to tell this early on.

“Knew a fella once … told me he’d climbed the highest peak in ever dang state in the union. Ever one. So’s I ups and says, ‘Well, did you climb Mt. Whitney in California? Yes he did. Did you climb Pikes Peak in Colorady? Yes, did that too. Bet you didn’t climb the highest peak in Florida. He looks at me then and says, sure did.

“Well, what’s the name of it, I says to him. And he says it’s the pitcher’s mound at the Dodgers training camp.”

The ladies promised Windy they wouldn’t climb any more mountains, so he let them escape up the sidewalk. But then he yelled, “You know why they tie them mountain climbers together with ropes? To keep the smart ones from going home!”