3.17.2010

My list of "I don't wanna's" is getting longer and longer by the second today. I'm saying it...I'm human. I reach my breaking point, I get fed up, and I lose sight of hope at times. I don't wanna grade 21 on-demand writing pieces according to this crazy, lengthy, wordy rubric. I don't wanna pack lunches. I don't wanna do laundry. I don't wanna be faced with the stress at work again tomorrow. I don't wanna...I don't wanna. Today is one of those days where I am rolling in negativity. It started out so great. So hopeful! I spent time with God the entire 25 minute pitch-black drive to work at 7:00 this morning. No radio. Just Him and me. I kept a positive attitude with my kiddos today. I praised their tremendous effort as writers, mathematicians, scientists, readers, "hallway walkers", friends, individuals. However, a little bit of that nasty negativity starts rolling in and boy am I one of the first ones to hop on the train. Grr..Lordplease continue to mold me and work on my heart. It's a mind over matter kind of thing with me. I have to choose my attitude. Daily.

God offers peace. He offers light in the darkness. He offers hope when there seems there is none left. He offers sweet moments of grace. He offers a way out. And as one of my favorite bands, Addison Road, states in one of their songs..."When the world has broken me down your love sets me free." Because of His love and his grace...I am set free. That is my only hope on days like today when I'm rolling in self-pity and negativity. He saves me.

This is a photo I took on the beach during our mission trip this summer to Waveland, Mississippi. Devastation hit this beach when Katrina came through. Even after all this time, you can still see the evidence of it...a pier that has been washed away from the rising waters. However, I see peace and I see hope in this picture. Maybe it's because I have the stories of the individuals I met in my heart, or maybe it's because I can still see their faces smiling at the thoughts of living through such horrible times. Whatever it is, this picture reminds me of God's saving grace and safety He provides on the days that just get the best of us.

"In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all."

1 Chronicles 29:12b

And really, it doesn't matter that "I don't wanna" do a lot of things. I have to. They're my duty. Some blessings in disguise..I'm sure. (God's good like that!) It's all about using His strength....strength I don't have myself...to change my heart and attitude.

8 comments
:

i'm glad someone else feels just like me! : ) my "i don't wanna list" needs to get crumpled, crimpled, and thrown in the trash can so i can actually get some things accomplished!!! praise God for His strength!

Found your blog through j-a-gir. What a great post! I really needed to read this today. I've been going through a lot of those emotions lately as well and it is so hard. But I also pray that God will continue to mold me and make the person He wants me to be. =]

Hey girl! I gave you some birthday blog love today!! So sorry I didn't do it yesterday - I tried to last night, but it wouldn't work where we were staying! Hope you had a great birthday! See you Monday. :)