After the girl I loved for 4 years left me, I had a pillow in the place of her to hold at night. It was there, because sometimes I would wake up, and I would forget she ever left and was still there just for a moment.

>>582525573How efficient is carbon-monoxide poisoning? Let's say I want to die. Painless. IF I start my car right now, full tank of gas and rev the engine and just slowly let the exhaust fill my garage. What are the odds that I won't wake up tomorrow?

>>582530857>wait for her to come online>open a window don't say anythingbecause you know you'll never have as many deep conversations as before. She'll never tell you she'll love you and that she'll never leave you. You'll just small talk for 5 minutes and she wont even reply. You stay up till 4am thinking about where it all went wrongrinserepeatopen chat window

>>582529482bullshit. you cant be sad about decisions you made unless youre a huge whiny faggot. If you make the right decision for yourself, the only way to become sad is loss. and loss isnt controlable. so the "person you became" and the person you could have become is either the same person, or not you at all.

>>582526074I'm doing it tonight, should be able to stuff the muffler and it'll fill the car directly. Not a mechanic but from my understanding thats how it should work. I can't guess painless either, but I'm not trying to add to anti-gun statistics.

>>582542591Good, change your mind. That's a good thing. How old are you? 19? It gets better. The emotions dull as you age. Still depressed at 35, but no where near as despondant and suicidal as I was from 7 to 25 or so.

>>582545316Also, If you're black, life's always gonna be hard dude, you just have to work harder. I'm not religious, but if you are, that can help. Talk to a pastor or go to a walk-in counseling center.

>>582551491I was looking at job corps to at least get out of my town. But I don't want to leave my family unprotected. Which is why I'm kind of stuck. And in spare time I fuck around with unity 3d, know some basics, but nothing great.

You know, no one will believe in me, this is /b/ after all, but I was with thoughts of killing myself, had a shitty life overall, but was coward enough to do it and the years kept going. I don't even expect you to even read this far, but IT ACTUALLY GETS BETTER.

I got a girlfriend, a job and my life turned on to shitty to the best life I deserved. I'm not even good looking, and to be honest neither is my girlfriend, but she's the way I always wanted someone, so don't give up, it REALLY gets better after some time.

Anybody here feel miserable, but like you're not bad enough off to complain? It somehow makes me feel worse knowing that the things that bother me are probably just piddling little nothings compared to people with 'real' reasons to be miserable.

>>582557975Anybody else here feel miserable, and paranoid at the fact that you will never change? Basically stuck going about in the most typical way of doing things, unable to be independent, too weak to make a change, and time is slipping past your fingertips at an alarming rate? Constantly feeling depressed, unable to move, take a shower, socially interact, wake up before 2, or better yet, have just one girl you can call to hang out? Does anyone here ever feel unable to even put their problem into words, even on 4chan? Spending all day on the computer, doing just that, and not even being good at it, 99% of the time lurking here, unable to connect, even on 4chan. I feel so out of the loop with things, I haven't seen any movies, /pol/ is my news source, I make an effort to read, yet whenever I'm at home I have absolutely no motivation to start a movie or read a book, yet I have the time to sit around all day lurking imageboards/facebook and listen to music. I could go on, but I'm gonna cut it off here. Anyone else have this problem?

mom died this year. heard her dying at night, thought it was something else.

last thing she did was turn off the lights for me. she used to do that a lot. i got lazy on my bed, went on my phone, left the lights on. we lived alone for the first time in years, /b/. just the two of us, relying on each other and being with each other.

>>582566337I am also 19. My ma was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a couple of years ago. It's not progressive or anything, it's not that bad, it's just seeing her walk a little differently and have to take a shot every week, it's just...weird. Very strange. The disease can flare up at any given moment, and sometimes I forget that she has it, other times something will happen where I remember. And it hurts. It hurts

its ok, anon. Pain isn't always bad, and she's still there, you can help her and be there for her. but yeah...those little things that just jolt you out of the world, reminding you that something's not okay.

sometimes, it lasts a second. sometimes, it lasts a minute. if you're lucky it stops, but sometimes it feels like forever.

my mom didnt appear sick though. like, randomly, out of the blue. she was gone. poof.

>>582569856>>582570010It's ok man, you're going to be a stronger person because of this. Just think, for all you have, the only thing you can count on is yourself. You are the only thing that you can be certain is real, everything else is just a figment of your imagination. Pain is only a virtue, and can mostly be avoided. For all you know, you could be God, and everything else was just put here as some sort of a personal test. Just be comfortable with yourself, and remember that you're stronger than that, your mother would be proud to see you now.

May she forever rest in peace. Your story touched me, and I don't think you have to tell me any more. Just keep making her proud.

Well, i can say ive got most people beaten in terms of.. most things..

first girl i asked out commited suicide 2 weeks later. Her father basically made her believe the lie he told her, that no one could ever love her after what he did to her. She put a gun to her head. Her mother blamed me for the whole thing.

A year and a half later, the second girl i asked out was hit by a car a few days after and become paraplegic, blamed me for it becuase i was 10 minutes late to pick her up.

Watched 3 friends die within a 1 week span when i was 6. I was there for all 3, one even died holding my hand. This all just a few days after my 6th birthday, when i my aunt died. Who at the time was like my second mom becuase my mom worked 2 jobs and went to school to try and give me a good child hood.

In middle school, i fell head over heals for a girl named Tina, and my only friend ended up getting with her. I never got mad at either of them. To this day i wish i had kept in touch with him. He was a broken kid like me. A bit differently than i was, but still...

After the 2nd girl incident, 2 of my friends were hit by a drunk driver about 10 feet in front of me and both were killed on impact. It was their last day of high school. I still had another year to go. They were the last real friends i ever had.

So, no friends. Too afraid to get close to anyone or anything except for my cat. Even though im terrified something horrible will happen to her... Life sucks. By the time i was 18, i had seen more death than most people see in their entire lives.

Battled depression most of my life becuase of all the PTSD. Never once talked to my family about anything. My grandfather ingrained in the whole "Men are strong and dont cry" bullshit. Thought about suicide numerous times.

The only thing that drives me to keep living at this point is wanting to see how technology changes humanity. I NEED to see Warp Technology become a reality. I NEED to see total neural connections to computers.

Ten months ago on my birthday told a beautiful intelligent woman I loved her for the first time. She said she loved me too. On our way back the next day our friend who was taking a turn at driving the 5 hour drive back to out home town tried to pass when he shouldn't have. We collided with a vehicle at close to 90 mph.

>>582571564The impact broke the drivers legs, the passenger in the front had a punctured lung, I was in the back taking a nap with my girlfriend, my arm was broken badly my leg torn up and part of my intestine crushed which caused me to have an ostomy for 6 months.

But the woman I loved had her liver sliced inhalf by the seatbelt on impact. I held her and lied to her telling her that we were gonna make it that everything was going to be ok. I felt her start to go cold. I couldn't accpt it until I saw her body covered with a brown blanket as the pulled me to the ambulance

And now to top things off, im gonna go to sleep so i can wake up and get a radio-iodine uptake test to see if i have thyroid cancer.

After this is done, my doctor wants me tested to several other types of cancer. Ive got pretty large mantits, and their are small lumps in them. Have had them for the last 10 years or so. Theres also a wierd lump in the back of my neck and several barely noticeable ones in my right arm.

>>582572057today is her birthday, She made my last birthday the happiest day of my life. I wish I had the chance to make her happy to. I'll never have that chance now. Her last words to me were I love you.

I hear her say those again and again when things go quiet. I'm not spiritual and don't believe Ill see her again but I would give up everything to hold her again.

>>582571686I saved your picture into my baww folder, titled it "anon 12-2-2014", some day I'll be looking through my old pictures, stumble upon it, then remember this conversation we had. The only real heart-to-heart I've had on here. Have a good one, anon

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