Thursday, February 26, 2015

Jury Duty

Here is an account of my recent trip to the county court house to fulfill my civic duty right up until I was selected and served on a jury. Enjoy!

First observation, great place to people watch.

Only one of the the security lines running, very long line, I doubt other two x-ray machines are even plugged in, they are just there to torment me with the possibility. While in line I discover wood chips in my hoody pocket, hope I don't have to explain that in a pat down.

Only place on earth there are people grumpier than me. Lady on phone behind me would rather clean a dirty toilet than be here or so she says loudly to the person on the other end of the conversation. I'd rather not do either or here about it from her.

They miss pronounced my last name over intercom. It's a common English word, go judicial/educational system.

We are all Given a name tag that just says "Juror", everyone obediently wearing them like sheep, I judge them. I'm just wearing mine to be ironic so it looks cool on me. I still don't really know what ironic means. That song really fucked me up.

The sign on fancy automatic coffee maker, just above dispensing nozzle says, not a drain. Must be an interesting story there. Size options on machine are as follows, coffee bean, cup, coffee bean, I chose cup, but secretly wished I tried coffee bean. Later, tried coffee bean option, said "invalid option" on LCD screen, at least the machine is aware of the paradox even if it's incapable of changing it. Chairs designed to not let a cup sit flat, no where to set cup, another well thought out form of torture.

Selected in the first round to move on, I finally found what I'm lucky at. Yay.

Questionnaire asked my favorite t.v. show, author and type of music. I think the people who wrote the form got tired of where people work. They are people watchers too. I think I miss spelled Vonnegut, attempt to seem smart backfired on me again, go educational system.

More newspapers than tablets, more hardback books than tablets. Like they are all from a different universe. Old people still not using smart phones when bored, I don't know how to solve this problem but I imagine it involves hard candy in some way.

Saw guy that looks like Kurt Vonnegut, not the best celebrity to look like. I didn't tell him he looked like him, I'm sure he gets told that a lot.

They let us have a fifteen minute break, only options are smoking and eating junk food at a bad cafeteria, go society. I chose writing this on my tablet and looking smug.

Got called to a court room in first round, go universe that is constantly against me.

Took stairs to fourth floor court room instead of elevator to feel superior to everyone else, instead I'm just breathing heavily like a creeper. More cardio could be in order.

Everyone is sitting on one side of benches, when I ask "Is the other side is off limits?" everyone smiles politely and shrugs, they are sheep, I sit on the other side and everyone after me follows my lead, I'm a trailblazer.

Felony vehicular eluding, sounds fun.

Just found out, Jehovah's witness don't serve on jury's, a tiny upside to religion.

I can't seem to win at anything in life ever, except getting selected to be a juror. I don't know what message the universe is trying to send me but I suspect it's just drunk dialing