Korean pop blogging up your ass

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Monthly Archives: April 2014

People ask me about the Kpopalypse radio show from time to time, and how they can listen. Since this blog was originally created by me as a companion to the radio show before it took on a life of its own, I think it’s time I got off my ass and put some radio information up here. This post therefore has all the facts that you need to know about the Kpopalypse radio show.

This post is a full index of all current Kpopalypse articles (minus a few minor ones like site update news and the Kpopalypse roundup series) because the default archives weren’t sexy enough. The index includes all versions that I’ve posted to other sites, or found on other sites, all related discussions I’ve found, and all versions translated into other languages where applicable. It will be updated every time I post a new blog. Posts are in reverse chronological order, so new posts will get added to the top of the list.

If you know of any copies or translated versions of Kpopalypse articles that are not listed here, or spot any broken links, please let me know in the comments below, or via Twitter/ask.fm!

Before we get to the k-pop-related content, let’s start off this particular post by talking about something that’s very close and dear to the hearts of many of my readers… the pornographic film industry. Don’t worry – as always, the relevance to k-pop will become clear. I know some of you might think that I shouldn’t be blogging about this and will protest that you don’t care about the porn industry but that’s all bullshit because my website stats don’t lie. I know what you click on, you dirty cao ni mas. Great, now that’s settled, let’s get started.

Today’s post is all about fun, entertainment and the hidden language of k-pop press releases!

Every day thousands of press releases for artists big and small get sent out into the cybersphere, and many more are attached to physical copies of music product and sent to radio stations, TV stations, and media outlets by hopeful artists and record labels looking for that big break. Everyone hates these fucking shits, but with careful decoding, the hidden entertainment value of these shrieking payloads of concentrated boredom can be carefully extracted and utilised. This blog post will show you how.

The Kpopalypse survey results are in! Time to share them with you, the lovely readers!

I discussed the results on the first of the two Easter livestreams as well but for those who missed it, who don’t follow the livestreams, or who would just like to see it all written down, all the data is in this post for your obsessive-compulsive scrutiny!

You know the deal. We’ve all been there. You’re sitting at home fapping to k-pop idols but you just can’t get into the groove this time – you’re having trouble maintaining your arousal. You fap harder, you try some lube, you try your other hand, but it’s no use. You’re in good physical condition, you’re not even tired… relaxing and giving up for the moment, you sit and think about your predicament. It becomes clear to to you that the problem is mental, not physical – after many years of fapping to k-pop videos and GIFs you’ve been finally desensitised to the coy, controlled, choreographed prancing and posing of you bias, and you need something more hardcore to keep your solo-libido going. However, you don’t want to fap to anyone but your bias…. because that would be like cheating… well, okay, not really… but you’re delusional, so there’s no talking to you.

NEVER FEAR – KPOPALYPSE IS HERE TO HELP!

Since we can’t have k-pop stars doing porn because Korean laws are a super-conservative killjoy, I’ve taken the trouble of finding for you six lookalikes that you can search up on porn sites and use as a fap substitute while still keeping your mind clean and pure with thoughts of only your precious bias (assuming you bias is one of these six, but then, these six idols are pretty fucking smoking hot, so it probably is*). These lookalikes definitely don’t have the same body types, but they do have similar faces. Or maybe they don’t. Whatever. It’s a k-pop porn post – why are you complaining?

There’s plenty of people these days who know all about the voice and the physiology of singing. I guess the obsession with vocal knowledge is the cancer that idol TV shows (east and west) have inflicted on the world by continually treating music as a competition with measureable objective standards that don’t exist in reality instead of as an entertainment art. It’s one motherfucking boring topic that I couldn’t be fucked covering, but I know a lot of people love it and do cover it which is great because it saves me the trouble. However, how many people know about what happens after the voice leaves the throat and before it gets on a recording that you listen to? If you’ve ever wanted to know any of that shit, this post is for you (and if you didn’t, you can stop reading now and go fap to Girl’s Day videos, bye bye).

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About This Blog:

A blog created by me so I can write about k-pop related stuff. Some content is related to the k-pop radio show that I host, but most of it is just random shit that I felt like writing. All of it is primarily for my own personal amusement, although if you like it too, that’s fantastic and I love you. Warning: certain posts might occasionally be considered offensive, so if you are an easily offended fucking cunt maybe go read something else instead, thanks. – KPOPALYPSE