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Real climbers aren’t thin

Some climbers look the part more than others. Donne, Sharma, you can imagine them living a normal life, 36 waist, trying to warm up on the old v4s next to me, hitting the lagers afterwards, arguing about who has the biggest ‘ceps and what to do to crank harder. But those skinny bird-men look disgusting. I just can’t relate to it. Do they eat food, or what? Where do they live? In little hutches or something? When I see the vids with those kids in I feel kind of sick and like I want to swat the telly to get them off the screen. When they used to have boxing on the telly, no-one ever bothered watching the featherweights. That was just a warm up. It was always the heavyweight dudes with the f!cking huge chests that could hardly walk that drew the crowds. If they put me in charge that’s how it would be with climbing. I know I’ve gone on about this before, but it really gets my f!cking goat. Although I have to admit, there’s a limit. The other day these two geezers came over to me after I’d given up trying to send a v5 warm-up and said ‘what can we do to get better?’. I was f!cking floored by that one. I swear they had stomachs the size of my GTI. I couldn’t really help myself and I just said, ‘well, you can start by laying off the bevvies and pork pies a bit, mate’, which, to be honest, was a bit rich coming from me. But still. ‘What can we do to get better?!’