Marketing Soccer Is Network's Real ...

Jim Spencer

"Goooooooooooal!" I've been watching the World Cup soccer tournament on Univision, the Spanish-speaking cable TV station. This is the only word in any of the broadcasts that I understand.

OK, that's an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure the word that sounds like "capitano" means captain. And sometimes the players' names are intelligible, although the Uni announcers seem to think the Irish player named Duff pronounces his name with a hard "u," making it "Doof," as in roof.

Generally I rely on tone to decide what the play-by-play and color man think of the action. The rising pitch of the voices lets me know when something big is about to happen. The announcers have watched enough soccer to anticipate the drama before I would have.

I prefer this primitive form of communication to the lecture on soccer appreciation which viewers of the English-speaking channels must endure. I love soccer. I tape the overnight matches on my VCR and watch them the next day. I haven't been able to see every match of the World Cup, but I've done pretty well. I have viewed all or part of six matches since the tournament kicked off last Friday.

At the same time, if I listen to one more patronizing ESPN expert explain how exciting this all is, I fear that I will mash the mute button through the remote.

Americans face this haranguing every four years. That's how often they play the World Cup, and that's how often this country's soccer broadcasters try to turn us into one huge sports special-ed class.

There was a story in the paper Sunday telling us that our lack of interest in the World Cup "is a byproduct of our passivity brought on by consumerism."

The Spanish, which I can't comprehend, makes more sense than this guilt-mongering gibberish. We're talking about a game, for gosh sake. Whining that most Americans fail to appreciate the international spectacle of the World Cup is like crying the blues because more folks don't enjoy opera. Just because it plays in Italy doesn't mean it plays here.

My family and I watched the United States' first game in the 1998 World Cup in a bar in South Miami Beach. A traveling British journalist interviewed my kids because this was the only bar he could find where people were watching the game, and we seemed to be the only people in the bar who were yelling at the TV screen.

So I'm all about being a soccer fan. And I'm all about expanding vistas. I invite my friends to watch World Cup games. I invite them to enjoy the hype that accompanies the tournament. One of the best stories so far had nothing to do with a particular game; it had to do with the witch doctors who travel unofficially with some African teams. They cast spells that bring good luck.

I happily pass along that story, along with what little knowledge of soccer I have gleaned from years as a fan. The game is played on a "pitch," which means field, by guys wearing "boots," which means shoes. Soccer players "strike" the ball, which means they kick it, sometimes with the inside of the foot, sometimes with the outside. Players make a lot of "diagonal runs," which means they sprint at an angle, rather than straight from goal-to-goal. They sometimes "play to space," which means they kick the ball or run into an empty area of the field. Teams try to maintain "shape," which means they keep players in certain portions of the field for balance.

I can discuss terminology for an hour.

Thing is, to know the nomenclature -- or even the strategy -- is not necessarily to love the game. And being force-fed information by earnest, but overbearing analysts feels more like class than recess. That's a critical distinction, the kind of thing that made me switch the dial.

The boss tells me when to come to work. The government tells me when to pay taxes. On the other hand, I get to pick and choose how I spend my leisure time. I don't want an ex-jock to tell me what I like. Nor do I need an amateur sociologist to tell me that I'm a parochial elitist if I don't happen to agree with that ex-jock.

They're not reporting a game on ESPN; they're marketing a sport. And they're marketing it as much to hedge the financial bets the network assumed in broadcasting the World Cup as they are to profess a love of soccer.

They may be doing the same thing in Spanish. But for now, the language barrier spares me. All I get is all any fan wants or needs. I get entertained.

Jim Spencer may be reached at 247-4731 or by e-mail at jlspencer@dailypress.com