Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (November 21, 2008)

In a recent interview with Metromix Los Angeles, Leisha Hailey was asked for a hint of what we could all expect to see in the spin-off.

Her response was a little worrying.

Metromix: On behalf of the countless fans of The L Word and Alice Pieszecki, is there anything at all you can say about the proposed spin-off show?
Leisha Hailey: Well…It hasn’t been picked up yet; it’s still just a pilot. It’s definitely not going to be what people are expecting — let’s put it that way. We have the most loyal fans to ever walk the earth, so I really hope they aren’t too upset with the direction of the character on the new show. We’ll see.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement. But seriously, what unimaginable, unlikely, or just plain uninteresting thing could there possibly be left to do to a beloved L Word character?

As long as they don’t kill her off, make her straight or turn her into a kitten-kicking, right-wing religious zealot, we’re still all in, right?

I think we’re about to find out.

According to Automatic Straddle, the spin-off pilot — which will be filmed in December and later turned into a series only if greenlit by Showtime — will possibly be set in London.

And in prison.

This would make at least a little sense if the spin-off focused on jailbird Helena Peabody. But Alice? Unless we’re talking about the Fashion Police, I just can’t see her getting busted.

So are we to presume that Alice might take the law into her own hands and give Jenny Schecter the dramatic end that so many lesbians probably think her Hollywood tale deserves?

The only other details Automatic Straddle had to share with us about the spin-off were character names and descriptions from the breakdowns sent out to entertainment industry reps who would send their clients out to audition for the parts, and we’ve confirmed this directly ourselves by viewing the casting sides.

Those are listed below, along with a few casting suggestions of my own making:

"WADE DAWSON — Mid 20s — the good looking self-centered one who battles inner demons with the help of anti-psychotic medications and ‘intense indiscreet’ sex."

Casting suggestion:Pink

"GRACIELE MARTINEZ — Gang leader and mother of two with a long rap sheet."

Casting suggestion: Michelle Rodriguez

"VALENTINA GALINDO — Late 30s, super-smart well-known gangster with a lot of dead bodies under her belt. She’s also a community activist/organizer and has been known to pal around with Bill Ayers."

"HELEN MILLER — At surface level seems to be ‘no nonsense,’ calm and so forth but underneath it all she’s all about justice, dignity and humanity and will do anything to make it right."

Casting suggestion: Hayden Panettiere

"SHERI SILVA — a little fragile and a little manipulative. Likes things her way, right away."

Casting suggestion: Lisa Ray

Regardless of how ridiculously salacious the idea of an L Word prison drama spin-off might sound, the crossover possibilities it presents are endless.

For instance, what if the women of Bad Girls share a police wagon ride with the convicts of TheL Word spin-off, resulting in some Con Air-style mayhem? (Lez Highway?)

Or perhaps the delinquents of Girltrash could get busted and dumped in the clink with Alice and company, then decide to raise the prison roof via a prison riot. Rose Rollins could even play her own twin!

Since the prison storyline is still officially unconfirmed, it’s probably a bit premature to start planning an L Word prison break. But I guess we can comfort ourselves with this fact: while the lesbian professionals in the world of television and film are rapidly disappearing (ala Seattle Grace Hospital), there are still plenty of lesbian criminals.