Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH

Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH is a professor in the Indiana University School of Public Health-Bloomington, Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion (School of Public Health), and a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. She has been writing the Kinsey Confidential Q&A since 2003. Additionally, Dr. Herbenick is an AASECT-certified sexuality educator and current president (2016-present) of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She is the author of several books about sex and love.

Q: I wasn’t educated about sexuality until freshman year of high school. I didn’t know girls could like girls, but I came to the conclusion that I was bi sophomore year. I tried coming out to my mom recently, now that I am in college, but she dismissed it, saying I hadn’t showed any signs of being gay as a child and thus it was just a phase. This completely screwed me over mentally because it was already so difficult to go through the questioning process. My family is super conservative and Christian.

Not adding lubricant won’t affect condom use for most people. In part, this is because condom manufacturers generally add lubricant to most condoms anyway. A small amount of lubricant on the condom can help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable, and may also help to reduce the risk of condom breakage.

There is not necessarily a specific time frame during which intercourse must occur, but if there is a lack of sex between the married couple and if this bothers the couple, then it may be considered an unconsummated marriage that would benefit from support and/or counseling.

Cigarette smoking may be associated with lower semen volume. The length of time in between ejaculations may be associated with greater semen volume. However, these are relatively small differences. Some men notice changes to their semen volume based on sleep and even exercise,

Looking for vaginal bleeding after first intercourse is not a reliable test of whether or not a woman was a virgin. Also, many healthcare providers feel that so-called “virginity examinations” – in which a woman is examined by a doctor prior to first intercourse – place unfair pressures and burdens on women.

Vaginal wetness issues are common among post-menopausal women as well as women who are breastfeeding, due to low levels of estrogen which can cause problems with vaginal dryness throughout the day and not just during sex. Certain medications can also make it more difficult to produce sufficient vaginal lubrication for sex.

Some men are able to make peace with the fact that this is just how their body works. When they’re in a relationship, they let their partner know that too. Other men choose to seek medical treatment. A urologist may be the kind of doctor most likely to be familiar with ways of treating this issue.

As our semester here at Indiana University (IU) comes to a close, my students often share how much they have enjoyed taking a class in human sexuality and they ask what other courses they can take. We’re fortunate at IU as there are classes in sex and gender in a number of departments, so one cannot possibly be comprehensive (especially as new classes pop up from time to time), but here is roughly what I share with them:

In the School of Public Health (SPH), we offer a minor in Human Sexuality and list, on the linked page, a number of our course offerings. In addition to classes about sexuality that I teach, faculty such as Drs. Brian Dodge, William Yarber, Sherwood-Laughlin, Reece, and Eastman-Mueller have – for many years – been teaching sexuality-related classes in the SPH. Dr. Sherwood-Laughlin leads a particularly well-regarded course about teaching methods related to sexuality education. I also encourage students to explore departments and faculty all around campus.

Why are feminists okay that laws don’t criminalize violent porn? I am waiting for people to step up for those “actors” in these films. Maybe a few are consenting sometimes, but it might as well be actual rape/assault, happening to actual women.

There is great diversity among gay men. Some bars attract or market to certain types of gay men, but there are gay men of all sizes, shapes, ages, and varying degrees of expressed masculinity or femininity.