Wednesday, April 15, 2009

It is just too much work to try and keep up a good face with the whole world.There are too many people who are just so fucking critical.Too many people that smile at your face and spit with their nasty tongues as soon as you look away.Too many people who pretend they care about you.Too many people who think they have it bad.Too many people who lead such trivial lives that they will never know themselves.Too many people who migrate with the largest herd.Too many people who assimilate to their surroundings and forget who they are.Too many people.

The friends I had at one time, are no longer there.They are just people.People who have let me down.People who have left me behind.Too many people.

And that spot in my chest that was hurting for so long...It is so hollow.And all I can say about that emptiness is that...

Monday, April 6, 2009

I love smiling.I believe it is the single most best thing anyone could ever do with their face.It makes me feel good and lets the rest of my body know it is okay to relax.

But then I think about how I must look when I smile. I see it in a reflection and I get embarrassed. It seems ugly to me. So broad, showing off my gums. Flaunting my gaps. All I can see are imperfections in this smile of mine. And I payed those men to make it right, but they let me down.

I think about how every time I open my mouth someone is probably looking into it with disgust. Thinking maybe I might be in pain rather than happy. Hoping that I will shut my lips soon so they have one less thing to worry about.

My smile is obnoxious and obtrusive.It reflects who I am.... and I can't say if I like that or not.