Welcome to the blog of Stephen Gray, a London based digital creative entrepreneuer and futurist that likes business, technology, design and HCI. Thought leader on the impact of technology on modern society. IP creator, awards judge & agency founder.

Monday, 21 January 2013

This post is the start to a series of simple guides and tips for existing creatives and/or those that would like to either be a creative or be more creative in their work. I hope to share some of my experiences in my quest to better myself and the creative teams that have worked for me. It is biased, because of my experience, towards the digital marketing side of business but I hope that most of the posts will be beneficial to anyone wishing to develop their creative flair in their jobs. I've spent quite a fair bit of time being a digital creative, working in creative teams and running a creative agency and have learnt a lot along the way. When I talk at events or guest lecture, I normally theme my topic on enhancing general creativity in business, how to best formulate creative teams or how to run the creative process but I rarely talk about maximising an individuals creativity. I am by no means the best creative out there and have always had to balance my time with the operational running of my business. That said, being the creative lead of a small self-owned creative agency has allowed me to take an agile approach to experimenting with the development of both my own and my creatives skills and understanding. Some things I've done clearly assist in making idea machines (not to devalue the humanistic element) whilst others don't help so much.The actual output of an individuals creative is 75% external factors such such as environment, process and team structure which is why I have in the past focused more on these parts. It means that a company looking to improve its creativity can make the biggest changes to output by just having a more systematic approach to how it runs its business. I will no doubt write more about these parts in the future but at present I want to focus specifically on how you, as a creative, can better your ability. I just wanted to point out the huge effect that any external elements have so you understand that as an individual you can only be at your best if your business is supporting you. The thing is, you are are an individual and if you are an employee you are recruited on an individual basis. Despite what many say, there is a definite need for specialist creatives particularly in companies that have a strong consumer brand presence. Creative is either non-existent in a company, is supplied by internal teams or external agencies. Whether you work client side or agency side makes no difference as to your potential to be a good creative. The mis-conception that client staff are not as creative as agency staff is simply because of the external factors the company works them in. I've seen some of the best creatives I've known make the transition from agency to client side and then believe they've lost their creative flair solely based on the environment they work in. On the flip side I know some wonderful creatives that work client side that make a huge difference to the quality of output from the agencies they work with.Creativity is a set of processes in our brain, formed through a combination of genetics and learnt behaviour. By the time we have finished school and are starting to think about a career direction, a lot of our creative ability has already been formed. Its true that we all have the inherent ability to be creative but it really depends on how you define the term. You could argue that someone buying items in a shop totalling £5.20 that then hands over £10.20 instead of just the £10 is creative as they are solving a personal problem in a creative way. I suppose I define it as a solution to a problem that is a lot more emotionally complex.I'll tag anything I write that might help in developing personal creativity into 'Creative Guide'. They will include practical advice on learning resources, development approach etc...and some things can be used in an appraisal system you are currently working on with an employer and therefore be developed whilst on paid time.The single most important thing in being a good creative is about keeping your passion alive for the subject. Its true that 'what a young mind lacks in experience they make up for in passion.' Its a skill in itself to keep that passion alive throughout your career particularly when you start getting into more managerial roles dealing with the managing of people and business operations. It goes without saying that the best creative is therefore one that is experienced with a retained passion for the subject.I should also make it clear that whilst I have followed some of the academic side of creativity, at the end of the day I run a business. I've taken some good things from lectures, papers and books from academics but the advice I give will only be things I have found to be practical, have implemented myself and have been successful. Most of the the academics are too purist in their approach and when you come to make use of the strategies they discuss they are either too costly, time consuming or even detrimental in conceiving a good simple concept. When you start thinking too much about process rather than the problem you were originally trying to solve you are going backwards.Anyway, I hope these simple guides help. Please leave questions, comments and share your own advice or tips from your experiences.

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Nb. This is a huge post. I’ve already
had a few people say my posts are too long so I promise I’ll do a few more
manageable ones later. There’s just quite a lot I have to say about this subject.
I use quite a lot of stats in this post. They come from a variety of sources
but mostly from Reuters.

The opening line of a recent blog on the
independent site read ‘We’re all going crazy for internet dating!’ That line
might go some way in explaining the number of crazy people you may need to get
through to find a good date.

Four years ago I found myself single for
the first time in my adult life at the ripe old age of 29. I had also just
moved into a new area and didn’t know anyone outside of work. As many will tell
you, those that have been single for a long time find it more difficult to
adjust to being with someone whereas those, like me, that have been in
relationships a long time find it hard to adjust to being single. I have to
admit that it was a new, very lonely experience for me, particularly as I had a
child in my last relationship. I'd gone from hectic family life to being
totally alone. At that time I knew that I wanted to be in another relationship
and believed the easiest way to do so, considering my circumstances, would be
to give internet dating a try.

Over the last 4 years I have been on and
off different dating sites, resulting in a numerous amount of dates that have varied
from the nicest of people to the most crazy I’d ever met. Some of these crazier
dates verged on being serious enough to get the police involved.

One of the obvious mutually interesting
discussions you can have with any date is about internet dating itself. I found
it fascinating as to what women thought about it and the experiences they'd previously had. It often felt like smokers talking about smoking; you could be
total strangers and found yourself talking about something you hated but still
carried on with because you couldn’t see an alternative way. My experiences, my
feelings and these discussions I had with dates really made me consider why the
current way of internet dating could be more problematic than problem solving.

With more people single in their middle
age, more breakdowns of marriage and both males and females working endless
hours in pursuit of careers, any technology that can assist in the search and recommendation
of a prospective partner has got to be a good thing, right? Well it seems like
a lot of people think so, with an estimated 80% of single people in Europe and
the US trying online dating. The revenue generated from internet dating in the
US alone equates to over $1 Billion dollars, with 40 million registered internet
daters from the 54 million estimated single people.

So if the large population of singletons
has a demand for these services and the internet dating companies are supplying
them what is the problem? The real problem stems from the complex set of human
requirements involved when you are looking for someone and how the websites
manage or more often mismanage the mechanics of delivering these requirements. Regardless
if we are aware of it, as users we follow the intangible rule sets given to us
by the sites in interacting with potential partners. This bends our normal
behaviour to interact in a way that often brings out the worst possibilities of
meeting someone. It’s therefore as much our own fault as the dating site owners
but we are being educated to think that what we are doing is normal…well it
must be if the majority of the population is doing it. The over-engineering by the companies of
their offerings has gone past the point of helping.

It is quite clear why these companies have
done these things. It is a competitive market so they all need to appear to
differentiate themselves and also add that little something extra. There are
two major things that all the providers of these services have in common. The
first is that they are trying to make money and the second is that the quicker
they are at finding you a long-term partner the less money they will make.
Therefore these companies have the following impossible dilemma; their customers
needs are quite the opposite of their own. In fact only 10% of new users leave
in the first 3 months and 95% of the same leavers haven’t met anyone. It just
clarifies that internet dating isn’t the quick fix a lot think it might be.

So what are the problems of internet dating
at present? There are quite a few if you ask me. I can’t cover them all so will
focus on the main ones. I haven’t been on or even heard of every dating site in
the world so these are problems that only exist in the sites I’ve had
experience with (Chemistry, Match, Match Affinity, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and
Zoosk) but I can imagine most of the problems I’ll go into apply for the
majority of other sites as well. I only state problems for the genuine, normal
minded person looking for love. Those not fitting into this bracket may find
the problems I list beneficial.

Aesthetic commodity selling

Some sites are more genuine than others in
this way but the crux of it is that a large part of our attraction is based on
physical looks. With most sites wanting to emphasise the huge number of members
they have, they will display page-by-page of a huge number of photos side by
side. When your photo is listed amongst hundreds of others you literally become
a fish in the sea. The ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ saying is more of an enlightening
of the truth so I don’t feel the problem lies here. The problem is that by the
sites making this the primary focus of search, we start short-listing entirely
based on looks.

Successful couples that had been together
over 20 years were asked what was the most important thing that first attracted
them to their partner. Only 23% believed
it was looks. In contrast 89% of us select a first internet date based on
looks.

Consider the following simple romantic
scenario. You see an average looking stranger standing near you at a bar
talking to their friends. You pay no attention until you overhear them talking
about something of importance to you. The stranger sees things the same way as
you so you turn to pay attention. The stranger notices you, smiles and you
engage in conversation. Only after interacting with them have you found them
attractive…an impossible scenario with internet dating. It is however, possible
to go through these romantic feelings after the selection process, by which time
you may well have skipped past the romantic stranger in the story above. This
was because there were 40 other photos on a page alongside theirs and 10 were
better looking.

Lies, deceit and telling you what you want
to hear

I’m guessing its not a new concept to
anyone that people lie about certain things with apparently 53% of us doing so just
on our CV/resume or linkedin profiles but for some reason a
lot of us are still a little naïve about it when viewing profiles. People are
trying to sell themselves. Trying to better their competitors, men lie most
about their age, height and income whereas women lie most about their age,
weight and physical build.

Why?? Some people realise its all about getting that
first date and go to stupid extents to bend the truth. Some totally fabricate
it because they are trying to escape the reality of their lives….I really don’t
know!

I’ve personally experienced this problem many times. I’ve met a woman
that had pictures from 10 years ago and lied about her age, an enormous woman
that looked like she had eaten the slender girl in her pictures for breakfast
and a couple of women that have totally fabricated their entire life stories to
such detail that as a rational person you believe them. After all…why on earth would
they bother!

Stranger danger

It took me a while to realise the reason why
I was meeting a higher percentage of odd people dating than I’ve ever met in
the rest of my life. Its simply because when you are internet dating you are
quite obviously meeting a stranger. In the rest of our lives we typically meet
friends and sometimes, even dates through friends. By default when you do this
you are likely to meet someone your friend considers a friend. It is unlikely
that a good friend has many odd friends let alone would want to introduce you
to them.

As we get older and go through our friendship cycles the chance of
meeting odd people become smaller and smaller and our expectations follow suit.
That’s why it becomes a bit of a shock at first when you meet your first random
odd-ball. It really can put you off internet
dating for good and might go some way in explaining the 10% of people leaving
within 3 months.

You also need to be aware of sites that use
this problem as selling point. ‘My
single friend’ for example claims to be more genuine because friends of the
dater write the profiles. This might help to a certain extent but taking the
above into consideration an odd person may have an odd friend and friends are
actually more likely to write a glowing report of a person than they would of
themselves. It’s also not too difficult to fake a friend (it only requires for
another email address to be registered).

Also the sites don’t want to publicise it
as much as they do their success stories and weddings but it goes without
saying that there are some dangerous people out there without good intention.
I’ve heard some quite serious accounts of things that have happened to people I
have met.

Out and about

When you get to the point of going for your
first date you start to think about where to go, what to do and what time to do
it. 74% of people in UK go to a pub or bar for a drink on the first date.

The problem that some seem to have with
doing this is the timing. I mean it’s likely to be a weekend night or at least
an evening so there is plenty of time to keep going. Drinking seems an obvious way to calm the
nerves and to get to a point where we feel more comfortable in being ourselves
but the date can then sometimes go a little further than maybe we would have liked.

I was surprised to find out that in the US
33% of women have sex on their first internet date. It’s not for me to tell anyone what
they can or cannot do and I think its fine if two consenting adults want to
have sex after a first date…its just that more often than not, when friends of
mine have done so they were either 1) drunk and regret it or 2) they believed something
would carry-on after. This means the other person was clearly telling them what
they wanted to hear in order to get them into bed. The ironic thing is the number
one reason I hear from everyone as a reason to date online as opposed to
meeting someone naturally is ‘I’d rather meet someone sober online than meet
someone drunk out in a bar’.

Too much typing, not enough meeting

A lot of people cite ‘lack of time’ as
being a reason for not meeting someone but then have to spend a huge amount of
time searching, short-listing and then writing to people. The right amount of
mail contact before a first date is unique to each individual. There is a need
to feel balance between spending the time to check if someone is normal but
also wanting to make something more real.

I can say in my experience, it
doesn’t matter how long you chat online for, you will never know what someone
is like until you meet. I mean, if someone really was an axe-murderer they are
not going to tell you in advance are they? The other problem with chatting for
too long is you start to build up false expectations of how your date will be.

Multiple dating

I’m sure a lot of us have heard a few ‘old-wives
tales’ about people that have done the 14 dates in 14 days. The thing is, if
this were possible then it wouldn’t be a bad thing and isn’t considered
multiple dating. Multiple dating is when you make the commitment to continue
dating i.e. seeing them again whilst also continuing to see other people. Even
after understanding the definition, I don’t think multiple dating is wrong
providing the person you are dating knows this is the intention. The problem
comes when one person multiple dates whilst the other believes they are the
only one.

Apart from the deceit, particularly if having sexual relationships
with multiple dates, multiple daters are unlikely to be focused exclusively on
committing to one person. Some people are doing this for sex, some for self worth
but most are actually quite genuinely looking for ‘the one’ and taking a ‘get
out of jail’ and ‘try before you buy’ approach. So if one date doesn’t work out
many others exist. The sad truth is its unlikely that any will work out causing
problems to everyone involved. Although its not very common with women, 53% of
males multiple date.

Where’s the romance gone

There’s something quite romantic about
meeting someone in a natural way. Even the toughest of us secretly long for a romantic
story of meeting and that first meet has been the romantic focus of many a
romantic comedy. All of my past relationships had a story behind them, meeting
someone on the snow whilst boarding, a girl on a train I met when all the seats
were taken, a girl I adored from Uni that took 7 years to find…It really
doesn’t hold the same appeal for me to say ‘This is the girl I got to know from
match.com.

While its inevitable that this will be the case if you meet someone internet
dating it’s another reason why we shouldn’t be delving into long conversations
online. Use the site to find someone then have as much of the initial
relationship in the real-world as possible.

The laws of attraction

Although I’m not soppy enough to believe
that there is just one person out there for us I do believe some people are
better suited than others. What I strongly disagree with is that I can be
matched to them people through a website search. The sites that take this
approach are using more and more intelligent ways to try to match that includes
genetic algorithms (an evolution of your own matching criteria influenced by your
activity). This means, for example, that although I might say I want to meet 30
year old blondes, if the site sees I’m clicking a lot of 40 year old brunettes
it will start to include more of this type of match.

The point is, I don’t know either
consciously or subconsciously what a successful match is for me. If I did I
probably wouldn’t be single. We are human. We have irrational brains. The thought
processes used and emotions shown in attraction and love are too complex for
any human to program into a computer. As individuals we are so unique that you
could argue that not even successful couples know the real complexities as to
what initially attracted them to their partners.

It’s not actually the sites mechanics that
are at fault. It is the marketing messaging of these sites that convince you to
think that by being clever they are more likely to find you a perfect match.

Privacy

Yes your details are almost public. I can’t
see how the same people that are so fussy about who sees what on social
networking are happy for millions of their preferred sex to see the most
intimate details about themselves including their feelings on relationships,
what they are looking for in a partner and their private stats. Its all too
common these days for you to find people you know on one of the sites and then find
out things even you didn’t know about them.

In terms of the companies selling
data to 3rd parties, some will never do this and some have
opt-in/out options but I can tell you after joining the biggest sites and
opting out of any comms I have still had a whole load of emails from other more
promiscuous sites and spammers…someone clearly divulged that I was at least
dating.

So reflecting on the problems and why they
exist you can see that they mostly relate to this conflict of interest between what
a dater wants and what the companies supplying the services want. They want to
show that they have as many members as possible so commoditise you. The only
barrier to membership is the fee so any nutter with the money can join. They
want you to stay within the realms of their platform as much as possible so
entice you onto the site with notifications and dating matches by email. They
are quite happy for members to multiple date and even happier to get all your
lovely valuable details. Heck, most of the sites even sent me special offers
for becoming a member again after I’d stated the reason for leaving was because
I’d met someone on their site.I wish everyone luck in their dating experiences whether online or offline and hope you find the one that completes you so you'll never have to delve back into this horrible dating mess again :)