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Author
Topic: Are you proud to be gay? (Read 10736 times)

This is a question Iíve always been unsure of and itís a really difficult subject for me. Iíve started seeing a psychologist and have been discussing this with him and have started to think about it a lot more recently.

Iíve had somewhat limited exposure to the gay community as well so my experience is going to be different to others which is why Iím interested in other peoples views. A lot of the gay people Iíve met fall into several different groups. There are people who are genuinely proud of the fact they are gay and celebrate it. There people who are comfortable with the fact they are gay and move on with their lives. Iíve also met people who accept the fact they are gay but arenít necessary comfortable with that fact at times. Iíd say a lot of the gay people Iíve met partially fall into those groups.

Then there are people who are ashamed of their sexuality and try to hide and suppress it. If Iím being brutally honest with myself I think Iím guilty of that and itís really not a way I want to live my life any more and intend to do something about it. Iím obviously really simplifying things here and itís no way near as clear cut as all that.

I hope one day to become fully comfortable and accept my sexuality and maybe even one day be proud of it. One thing Iíve learnt is to not force the process though. Itís going to take a long time for me I think. My psychologist told me he's had patients who have come out at the age of 14 and others who didn't until they were in their 60's . Iím just interested to hear peopleís experience of their own journeys really I think it will help me.

Sometimes its not so much that we are proud of BEING GAY but of all the accomplishments of so many wonderful and talented Gay People.I have been marching in Gay Pride Parades since the 80's. The organization that I worked with for 20 years: GALA Visual Arts ( gay and lesbian artists) had a banner and we would march behind it. In June, Gay Pride month, we would sponsor an art show for gay and lesbian artists and have a big reception open to the public on opening night.It was hard work and I am proud that I did it.

well I'm not proud in the sense that I'm throwing parties all the time just because I'm gay... but being gay is part of who I am and I don't feel bad about it in any way. I used to feel bad before actually.... but that was when I was brainwashed with all the religion crap . I hope you find what you are looking for and hopefully one day accept yourself for what you are . Good luck!

I'm proud to be a honest, God fearing, loving, thinking, educated, Human being... gay is a nice way of saying Homosexual... its kinda redundant... its like asking someone ... are you proud of being a heterosexual... you are what you are...

I would say I'm comfortable with who I am, including my sexuality. I'm out to varying degrees but don't (and have not in a long time) lied about who I am and who I'm with. You're right, it is a process; a process that varies significantly from one person to the next. Growing up in Texas, I'm sure I internalised a lot of homophobia. It took me leaving home to start the process of coming out and learning to accept and not be ashamed of who I am. It first started once I left for college to live in a relatively liberal town (Austin). Then after moving back to Houston, I lived in the center of town pretty close to the gay area. Up until that point, while I dated guys, I didn't really introduce them to my family.

After I met Will, I decided that I wasn't going to hide my relationship. I think the same was true for him (in fact seeing his openness with me around his family, made me feel more comfortable that I can do the same with my family). We both hung out with each others family, without the need to define our relationship. It was obvious that we were together and fairly obvious that our family approved it or maybe just accepted it. I started opening up at work once I was transferred to New York, despite still working for a fairly conservative firm. NYC obviously is a more open and accepting place than Texas. After I was transferred to London and went to work for another company, I came out completely at work (all 'of my friends, even old ones now know). I now realise that much of my angst was self-inflicted. Most people either knew or suspected and I don't think most of them cared. Actually, I think a lot of them were waiting for me to make the first move. That's not to say that the risk of rejection wasn't real, but maybe I let my fears consume me.

I think my gradual process has taken about 14 years, starting the day I left for college until about 2 years ago when basically everyone in my life knew. For me, moving away from Texas and even the US made that process easier (maybe less risky). It hasn't been all rosy though. My father and I still have a distant relationship. But the ball is in his court and I'm patient.

I'm sure you will come to fully accept yourself. I wish you well in that process and you know how to reach me if you ever need to.

Each of us have different opinions about our sexuality. Some have more freedom to express there selves and others don't. As far as being gay I am proud but I can not please my mother for being gay. The area I live in there are probably fewer gay individuals living here who are afraid to come out being it is such a Bible belt town. I will never be happy about being gay until I get away from all the hate that I live in now.

My story is about the same as Cliff's. I had to move away from home before I could be completely comfortable with myself. BAck in the mid-70's I moved to N. California for one reason, and one reason only. Sex. I didn't know a soul and I wasn't looking for an endless string of anonymous sex. I just knew if I was ever to be comfortable with myself I had to move away. Which is too bad but only because there were times when I wish I could have stayed in closer contact with my family. Acceptance is a big part of being who you are (especially by family and friends) and if you give it a chance I think you'll find those people who matter the most will come around. I think acceptance is easier today but as you well know it's still not all that easy. Don't fight it. Don't flaunt it. Just be yourself and the pride and self-esteem will just naturally fall into place.

Proud, ok, as in proud to be me.I was out at 16. My family was very accepting.I recognise what gays have done for our generations in the 60s and laterwhen it was all very difficult, so I understand that that comes with great pride.Big hugs to all.

I wouldn't say that I'm proud to be gay, but that I have a sense of pride of who / what I am. Part (a big part, most likely!) of who / what I am is a gay man. I feel a connection to other gay men that's just not there with my straight friends... and I don't mean just sexually. I guess that I could say that I'm pleased to be in such talented, humerus, kind, and generally good company - past and present gay men (and women).

Homophobia was never something that I experienced as a child. We were never really exposed to much prejudice at all. I never remember anybody saying anything about gays or lesbians even though we seem to have a 'gay streak' in the family - I have gay twin cousins and another gay cousin. I came out to my mom 10 years ago when I was still married, but it was pretty much a non-issue. My sister and a few close friends also knew back then. Evidently, it wasn't a big shock! I think many of them were more surprised that I had been married for as long as I had. From time to time we joke about the Christmas I got an Easy Bake Oven (I was maybe 4 years old) and a tea set. I also got some of those little green army men that same year, so I wasn't totally a junior queen. The signs sure were there, though!

In my experiences, many gay men's perceptions of themselves are based on those from whom they seek approval. If they crave their parents approval, and the parents aren't keen on a gay child, the individual often tries to repress their homosexuality. This does not make for a happy individual or a good relationship with the parents although it may please the parents. I certainly don't want to disappoint my parents, but by accepting who and what I am and including my family in that, I have a good relationship with them and myself.

Take your time with 'getting in touch' with who you are, but don't repress it either. In my opinion, most guys who think they might be gay are gay. I'm not really sure why any of us are here, but it's certainly not to force ourselves to conform to fairly conservative ideas of sexuality. No other species does it; why should we?

David

edited to add: I say all that and realize I'm sitting here listening to Sylvester's "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" and realize I'm gay as hell!

From time to time we joke about the Christmas I got an Easy Bake Oven (I was maybe 4 years old) and a tea set. I also got some of those little green army men that same year, so I wasn't totally a junior queen.

Oh please. Even *I* never got girls toys, so yeah you're out gaying me totally. Denial is never pretty.

i am proud to be me, who i am - who i'm attracted to is just one bit of that picture. it just kinda is, the way my name, or my hair colour, or my favourite pair of trainers is. like most things though, i think it takes the business of time passing to completely settle into who you are and what you're about.

i'm really glad you've now got someone to help you start working through this stuff - I know it can be a very isolating and confusing set of feelings/thoughts to carry round on your own. Like cliff said, you knwo where i am if you ever want to talk about anything, eh?

I like your breakdowns on how you view different people coming to terms with their sexuality.

Not sure where I fit in. I don't have any problems with being identified as gay, but I do have difficulties with showing public affection (which apparently is not the same as engaging in public sex )

Not really sure if that is a gay thing though since my brother and sister who are both hetero are the same on that issue: We are a cold and heartless people.

On the Christmas toy thing, I never got girl toys either. Couldn't even imagine such a thing. Of course, I never got any toys at all. Every year it was the same: underwear and socks. Granted the underwear was pink and frilly and the socks were those knee high things that go with Catholic school girl uniforms - but I definitely never got any girl toys.

I have childhood Christmas photos of me with girly toys, like a mixer and an ironing board....and I got dolls too. My Dad took my dolls away from me when I took an ink pen and drew nipples and pubic hair on them....I still laugh about that from time to time.

The funniest photo is me, in pajamas, in front of the Christmas tree, holding a BASKETBALL with the ugliest, saddest expression on my face.....that pic says it all.

I suppose? Idk. I'm cool with being gay. I'm proud of my ability to cope with a lot of the obstacles that people are presented with because they're gay.

TBH, it's been a lot more complicated for me because I'm trans and gay. You wouldn't believe the amount of people that either think I can't possibly be really trans because I like boys, or that I can't possibly really like boys because I'm trans - while they just continue to completely NOT get the entire concept of either.

My young childhood was sort of androgynous as far as interests go. I was into Barbies, I won't lie. I *loved* dressing them up. I liked (still liked) stuffed animals and cute things. But I also liked to go fishing, and I was into skateboarding for a while, I liked violent video games, etc. My parents never really forced a gender role on me (my mom kind of did, I guess, in that she sort of insisted a lot in dressing me up very girly, but she was totally cool with me going out and fishing with my dad or going hiking in the woods and stuff, and he let me get away with anything).

For a long time after I came out as trans, I sort of didn't even mention a sexual orientation, because I felt I would be invalidated by saying I liked men. So, I guess now, that I'm able to be open about every aspect of who I am, I am pretty happy about all of it. I've been getting more and more outspoken about it. I think it's good to be stern and forceful about who you are, but no one ever got anywhere by annoying people. I try not to bring my sexuality into every single aspect of my life and way too many people do that. :| Very irritating. But I don't try to hide it at all, at least not anymore. If people ask, I let them know (though to be fair they only really have to ask if they are both deaf and blind).

I think it is better to be proud of things that you have been able to do than to be proud of things that you cannot change. I think it's stupid to be proud of being white, or black or gay or straight. It is okay though I think to be proud of some people that you have had sex with because they were very good looking or maybe also because they had some talented skills.

I thought I was the only one who hated balls (Like football, basketball, not the OTHER kind of balls), and preferred girly toys. I had a Blender. Tiny, gorgeous. And also was into the dolls. I used to comb and knit for them. So maybe, yes. I am gay.

Now on the process for being proud of being gay, I am in the middle of it. Some friends know it. And just 2 relatives know about it. Now, my parents do not know, even when I bet they suspect. (I never have showed a girl at home, sooooooo). Yes. it is a damn long walk. I has been taking me almost 10 years in the process. And I am not there yet, by any means.

From where I come from, it is very difficult to be gay and accepted. Catholic to the bone. Homophobic as well, and "macho" culture where the only important thing is that you love sports, get drunk, have a ton of girls, and that is it.

I suppose I would say I'm proud to be gay. Growing up gay in rural North Carolina in the 1980s was a challenge and I'm proud I didn't self destruct like some of my classmates. Like any challenge you become a stronger person for getting through it.

Teenage and student years were a bit of a struggle, but having come out the other end and come out, you forgot what a pain it was. All that angst and worry all seemed a bit silly. For the first few years, it was all a bit happy clappy, enjoying the whole Gay thing. Now, it's so natural, I don't really think about it.

The pride comes from knowing that many of us have been through the same journey and have come to accept that we're different.

Over the last few years, the Gay has become mixed with the HIV thing and has probably dulled the party a bit.

For me, being Gay was just inevitable. It is who I am. It wasn't just growing up listening to disco, playing with Sindy and prancing round in my Mum's mink. I think.

From time to time we joke about the Christmas I got an Easy Bake Oven (I was maybe 4 years old) and a tea set.

I too wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a child. I knew it was a girl's toy but the thought of being able to have cake whenever I want! was irresistible. Same thing with Willie Wonka's Candy Factory kit where you melted chocolate and poured it into fanciful molds. Unfortunately at age 5 I didn't understand the concept of materials supply so neither worked out the way I planned.

Just thought Iíd give an update on how Iím doing with all of this. The more often I see my psychologist the more I realise that I need to start telling people about my sexuality if I want to move on with my life and become more comfortable with myself. Itís been playing on my mind a lot recently and Iíve come close to telling friends on a number of occasions now but Iíve just never been able to actually do it. Itís becoming quite frustrating to say the least! Iím pretty sure Iím not rushing myself into this I feel ready to do it. I think once Iíve told someone the floodgates will open. Somewhat like when I started telling people about my HIV infection. Iím going to discuss it more with my psychologist next week I think. Iíll keep you posted on my progress!

I tend to look at myself for who and what I am and refuse to attach labels to myself. Not that labels are bad, but for me, my goal in life is to be content and my needs are very simple. The love of my daughter, the love of my husband, my extended family through Stephen and my friends. I want the ability to form committed and long-term relationships where I can finally hand my heart to another, without any fear of ever being hurt.

I need a life that feeds my interests and I really enjoy almost every aspect of gay culture, whereas I hated it when I was married to a woman. I frequent places, like this, that support who and what I am and for that I am proud. Given some of my challenges, I am damn proud of where I am today.

As to the gay part, that's just another facet of my life, one that has enriched me beyond my wildest dreams and so in that context then, I am damn proud to be a gay man. Given the history of the gay community and all the strides we have made, we should all be busting with pride at being gay.

What a great topic, I am totally proud to be gay. My friends call me a red neck homo, because I love doing all the boy stuff, like I am going to a hockey game tonight. I am indeed the one of ten, I have nine (adopted) brothers and sisters, they had the most problem with it, but grew to understand that I am the same person I have always been. I grew up in the deep woods of South Carolina, I started hunting and fishing as far back as I can remember (I don't do those things these days). I don't care for the public displays of offection either, but that is just me. I don't mind holding hands, but I am not mushy that way. I guess that is why I continue to date guys that are in the closet, because there is no issue with them. If you are not comfortable within your own skin, it is really is difficult for anyone else to be comfortable hanging out with you. D

Logged

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. Calvin Coolidge

This is what I've started to realise recently. I've felt like I'm leading a double life for long enough. If you can't be yourself then who are you!

It's good you're realizing who/what you are now... how many men do we know who are married with children and know they're gay? Perhaps they honestly don't recognize it at first. Maybe they think they're bi and/or will grow out of it. As they get older, it becomes harder and harder for them to finally 'come clean' with it all. One friend of ours is in his late 40's and has 4 kids. He separated from his wife about 4 years ago 'cause he's gay! He seems happier than ever.

As for telling people, I wonder if it helps because people around us know us for who we really are or if it's because we hear ourselves saying it and become accustomed to it. FWIW, I didn't lose any friends or have any family issues from being gay. Take care.

I'm with Robert on this. It is a big deal and I am glad you are coming to grips with it.

I am proud of being gay. When I was as young as Mouse, I was still a Catholic and the combination of that church's teachings and my realization of my budding sexuality made me a miserable human being. Guilt doesn't describe what I went through for the first decade or so.

I even considered suicide a few times, but that, of course, is against Catholic teachings as well. Well, at least that teaching worked and kept me from taking a premature dirt nap.

It took me many years to work through the feelings of guilt, of worrying about who might find out, etc. I even once considered marrying a woman! EEEEEEEP! Thank goodness that idea passed rapidly. Not only would it be living a lie, but I would probably have had to have SEX with her.

UGH!

So, after many years of soul searching and a few good kicks in the ass from friends, I have come to be the happily gay and proud man I am today.

Keep at it Chris. The end result, whether it takes weeks or years, will be worth it.

Pride isn't a word that I can associate with something I was born (or became without any great effort on my part).

My sexual orientation no more defines me than the natural colour of my eyes, skin and hair. I can experiment with them all (including my sexual orientation); but ultimately I just am what a particular combination of genes made me .. and that is someone who happens to be a homosexual.

There are times when it might have been easier had I not been born as I am; but I have never viewed it as a curse or something to be hidden and denied.

As an antonym to shame, I see pride as the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself; so perhaps it is because I have never viewed my sexual orientation as a source of shame that I have never needed to view it as a source of pride either.

Being gay has never been an obstacle to opportunity, or parental love and acceptance, so I have never had to achieve anything in spite of that part of myself. Had life been contrary, I have no doubt that my views would be somewhat different.

In my case, it would perhaps be more appropriate to ask me if my sexual orientation ever causes me to be uncomfortable with what I am. The answer to that is a resounding no.

I wish Finnboy and others who have said they do not celebrate gay pride would try to understand that gay pride is not about your homosexuality but rather the celebration of THOUSANDS of LGBT people who have made a difference in our lives. One example I can think of right off the bat is this: in California there is a bill before the state to designate one day of the year "Harvey Milk Day". ( You know, like Martin Luther King Day.) This is an example of someone who gave his life to advance the cause of gay rights. I am proud of his accomplishments.....oh... and he was gay.If you dont know who Harvey Milk was, I believe there is a documentary made on his life. Probably something on YouTube even.

Being of an age to have been on possibly the last demo to get down Downing Street (Stop Section 28), and having spent a morning sitting in a sober suit with sober suited people discussing how long a decent campaign to get schools to address homophobic bullying seriously will taken and how much dosh it will need, I am today rather proud of the distance travelled by us all.

There was a time when every fucking drag queen on the street with a placard meant another inch towards some sense of personal safety in public, and the journey aint over yet. Just got more grown up this bit.

On the inside, I am not greatly motivated to fit in, so comfortable in my skin.

As for

Quote

they certainly know how to pitch a tent.

this is the true essence of the modern queer man (count me in on the tent pitching) .

Thanks again everyone. Reading through all the posts in this thread has really helped me on my journey the last couple of months. Still got a way to go but I'll get there eventually! The big challenge for me at the moment is the fact I'm going to be moving in with my parents for a year quite soon to pay off debts and save money to go travelling. I really need to think if I'm going to come out to them before I move back. I think a year back with my parents without them knowing and my dad's casual homophobia will undo a lot of the good progress I've made recently. Not to mention the fact I'll be too far away from my psychologist to continue seeing him to help with that. I should really delay the move but it's a difficult situation really. Decisions decisions!