For their 2005-2006 show in NYC, Oakley pushed something truly funky: The half-sweater. Technically, the design is pretty useless in keeping anyone warm, but from a style & foreplay standpoint, I can see it working.

In the superficial crowd, indecision is king. There’s now an answer to that all elusive question, “I’m cold, but I still want to show off my new boobs. What do I do?” No worries, girls, Oakley has come to the rescue.

Now on chilly nights, boyfriends, adulterous acquaintances & legitimate husbands can enjoy one warm & one cool boob on exclusive beaches all around the world. How’s that for indulgence?

With a reputation like his, Fred shouldn’t be kissing 14-yr old girls.

Fred married at age 20 and had a daughter named Adriana Durst. Fred later divorced his wife after finding out she cheated on him. [Limp Bizkit]

She cheated on him?! I don’t know about that one.

It’s probably just me, but I had no clue this guy was a father. I always under the impression that manwhores were smart enough to wear a condom or two when enjoying sex in a state of complete, utter drunkenness.

Since we know that Female Paris is incapable of love as we know & understand it, this latest news of her engagement is merely another business maneuver to solidify her superficial empire. Let’s just say that there’s no stronger base than one that’s potentially worth around 5-beeeelyon dollars.

Since it’s pretty much written that Paris will walk down the isle with this dude*, whether his family likes it or not, let’s contemplate a few reasons why one would want to marry another person of the opposite sex w/ exactly the same name.

1. Your name is Paris Hilton & you breathe only Money, penis, & sex (in that order)
2. There are billions of dollars @ stake
3. Your ego is the size of a galaxy
4. You want to say, 1) “I love you, Paris,” 2) “You are the best, Paris,” & 3) “You are so hot, Paris” each day for a few years until you file for divorce claiming ‘irreconcilable differences’

So, you just bagged a woman who likes to workout, huh? What do you do in terms of gifts?!

Of course, you can follow the traditional superficial & overly expensive path of showering her with useless jewelry (in exchange for the booty), but as you know, jewelry encourages nothing more than the desire to receive even more of the shiny stuff. Naturally, for the sake of your precious bank account & priceless sanity, super tight & sexy workout attire is the perfect surprise for the modern hottie.

With that in hand, Argentinean born & bred, Class Life, has a few tasty answers. All styles below were showcased in Miami earlier this month.