First, Dr. Pepper was invented in the late 19th century by a pharmacist in Waco, Texas, who created it by combining twenty-three flavors.[1] I submit, therefore, that Dr. Pepper is a schitzophrenic, and should be considered one of the inferior soda pops.

Second, despite the brand's longetivity and following, the Dr. Pepper company became insolvent in the 1980s and had to be bailed out.[2] Surely this would not have happened if Dr. Pepper were able to compete very well with other soda brands. Thus, Dr. Pepper must be considered an inferior soda pop by free market standards as well.

Third, all things being equal, I submit that diet soda is better, and better for you, than regular soda[3]; therefore, Dr. Pepper is inferior not only to Diet Dr. Pepper, but to all other diet sodas.

There can be no argument that Mountain Dew looks funky, at least to those whose minds are inclined a certain way. However, this has not prevented it from enjoying enormous popularity among college students, high school students, gamers, and all other young people who like to be refreshed and caffienated.