I’m happy I didn’t post this when I had initially intended on it (last night). My mood hasn’t changed from my previous post, but circumstances have. I thought I got a job. Well, technically I did. But it’s more like volunteer freelance work. I guess my first real gig as a Graphic Designer. I’m just not receiving an income for the first few months. It’s for a magazine that’s launching in January. The person who interviewed me loved me before she even spoke to me. She was looking forward to working with both my sister and myself. I guess because of my struggle with basic social skills I wasn’t able to think of, or ask the appropriate questions, and the information I was able to retain wasn’t saved very well in my memory bank, but my sister spoke with them this morning and I now have more detail on the whole matter. If I was an established Graphic Designer, I would not even consider doing it, but I get to add Head Graphic Designer to my resume and actually experience doing work for someone who isn’t family. Work on the magazine will begin in September, so I do still need to find a job. I some sort of income, but this experience is something to look forward to and I’m excited.

In other news, I met a guy. He could honestly be my dream guy. He shall be called, Ireland. It’s really minor factors that make him my dream guy. He’s lived in the UK, he’s artistic in almost every sense of the word, his middle name is a name I love and intend on naming my son (If I do have a child that is), and he’s tall… I definitely wouldn’t go as far as to say that he’s perfect, because he isn’t. But he’s a good guy. I was visiting my home town, went to a bar with my sister, and our eyes met. We basically hit it off from there. Now, his downfalls. He’s not a great kisser, but that’s something that can be worked on. Also, he asked me if I could dance salsa, I’m not sure if that’s what he was doing to the music, but it was not to the beat. It’s like he learned a routine and does the same steps to the only count he knows. He was throwing me all over the place, it was pretty awkward. But whether or not someone can dance or not does not MAKE a person. I’m a single gal looking for love, I’m not young anymore, there’s no time to be picky.

So at the end of the night, we exchanged numbers. I texted him my email (He lives in a different country) and we’ve been emailing each other back and forth. Up until about a week ago when he didn’t respond my last email. Funny thing about that, is that it was the longest email out of all the emails we had been sending each other. I really don’t understand why people do this to me. It has happened on more than one occasion where I had been corresponding with someone and they just stopped replying. Was it something I said, maybe something I didn’t say. I’m not a big believer in astrology, but we’re both Leos. Big ego people. I didn’t ask him any personal questions in my last email to him, but I didn’t just talk about myself either. So I don’t know. He could have just opened the email and forgot to respond, which means he was never really that interested in the first place.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at the guy, just a little annoyed at the situation. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me and I don’t know why it’s happening to me in the first place. The only thing I can think is that people check their emails, tell themselves they’ll reply and completely forget to. That could be the case with him, except, I would imagine, if he really did have interest he’d wonder what happened to me, randomly check his email, and then realize that he was the one that hadn’t replied me. I don’t chase men. I’m not saying I wouldn’t put any work into a developing relationship, but in this case I think it’s safe to say that I did my part. He pursued me and stopped. I will say though, I am proud of myself. Yes I am annoyed, but I’m also proud of the tone of this entry, or at least how it’s coming across in my head. I could have been my annoying self a COMPLAINED the entire way through this entry, but I didn’t. Or maybe I’m suppressing my feelings. I don’t know. I do feel different.

Speaking of being annoyed, my friend that I liked is also making it easier for me to not to like him anymore. I’m going to call him Spain. Spain is a dick. I’m not sure if he used me to fill some sort of void he had, but I have very little interest in him now. He messages me, I reply, he replies days, sometimes weeks later. Most people would say “Just delete the guy from your contacts. Why are you replying him anyways, he clearly doesn’t care about you?” and they’re right. But it’s gotten to the point where I seriously do not care anymore. I’ve set pretty strict boundaries for myself when it comes to him. One of the main reasons why we don’t talk anymore is because I refuse to answer my phone when he calls me after midnight. There are things you do and things you don’t do. You do not call people after midnight unless you’re looking for something. He’s not seeking that from me, I’m not seeking that from him, so there’s no reason for us to communicate after midnight. You want to be my friend? Talk to me while the sun is up and we’ll work on our relationship from there. Also, when I’m in town (Spain is back in my hometown), he seems to forget I exist, then suddenly remember me when I’m miles away. This is one of the main reasons why when people ask me how my friend is doing, I make it perfectly clear that he is not my friend. I shouldn’t even call him my acquaintance. I don’t have time to bother my head with him, so good day Spain.

This whole entry turned out a lot longer than I intended it to be, but that’s okay. I’m just glad I got it all out of my system. I’m in a good place now. I’m not going to bottle it up, I will talk about what’s bothering me, but I’m angry over it. As we get older, we begin to realize that in this world, it’s each man for himself, until they find that someone they want to live for. Someone they wouldn’t mind going out of their way to help. I’ll find him one day, until that day, I guess I’ll just do the same. Every man for himself. I’ll do what I need to do to help myself and you do the same. Good Day! RENn