Should gay men have reservations about dating bisexual men? Many might say “no.” Why limit your options, right? Some might say “yes, definitely.” I get it – you don’t want to worry about your man leaving you for a woman, is that it? Everyone from gay men to straight women seem to have an opinion on this one.

Men who define themselves as gay date men who define themselves as bisexual all the time. Are you asking men, when you first meet them, how they define their sexuality? I think you should. I do. I like to have all the facts so that I can make an educated, adult decision. I think it’s mature to give potentially good guys a chance. I am aware that “good” is subjective, but if you have a good feeling about a man, see it through. It’s when you feel doubt that you should proceed with caution. Like I always say, “Doubt means don’t.” I do believe in the importance of having standards or requirements in place. Of course, it is also important to not be a nickel looking for a dime, if you know what I mean. The question at hand is, as a gay man should bisexual be under your list of dating don’ts?

There are those who won’t give a bisexual man a chance. Is this right or wrong? No, it is neither. “Wrong VS Right” should be tried on a case-by-case basis. What is the main reason gay men are hesitant about dating bisexual men? Perhaps it is the fear of being left for woman. Too often in our community, not unlike other communities, we feel a sense of competition. Who is the youngest, who is in the best shape, who has the most money, etc. It’s bad enough as a gay man to have to worry about all of these things and more as they relate to other gay men, but to have to add heterosexual women into the mix as well…that may be just a bit too overwhelming for anyone to handle.

Illustration by Edward McGowan.

In these cases, the bisexual man isn’t to blame. The gay man is. You don’t have to believe me, but at least be willing to consider it. If I am insecure about myself then my love life’s D.O.A.

“What if being with men is just a phase for him?”

“What if he wants to get married and have children?”

“What if he gets tired of you and decides he wants to go back to…breast feeding?”

“Am I enough?”

Listen to me – occupying your time with questions like these will keep you from spending quality time with someone who may truly care about you. To many people, this trepidation may be valid. While others won’t legitimize it.

You know what I think is ideal? I think it is ideal to find a man who wants nothing more from you than for you to be yourself. I want a man who is most comfortable with me when I am comfortable with myself. Don’t try to take on all the “what ifs.” Put aside those insecurities or feelings of self-doubt. Drop them into a m’urse and disregard them. If you enjoy your time with him, then enjoy your time with him. Don’t self-sabotage.