If nobody knows all your secrets quite like your doorman does, nobody knows a magazine quite like the dude who's helping coordinate its move into a new office tower. A guy involved with getting the Hearst titles out of their old offices en route to the Foster building (but: "I'm not a mover," he assured us) has learned a lot from his experience — that Bazaar girls are gorgeous and self-important, that CosmoGIRL! chicks drink communal beer, and that there's no way Hearst's new digs will be as cushy as Rodale's. We're skeptical on that last point, but, still Not-a-Mover's full report on the Hearst trek awaits after the jump.

1) Most of these people are movin' on up.
•l By and large the offices that are being vacated are disgusting on every level. Corporate grey-and-beige bland compounded by a lack of cleanliness that would give meth addicts pause.
• The one exception so far have been the former offices of Seventeen. Well designed and appealing. Looked like a cool place to work.

2) Everyone at Harper's Bazaar is young, thin, and beautiful.
• I have never shared so few square feet with so many gorgeous women. That being said they were much more high-strung and self-important than the other Hearsters I've run into. (I wonder if they're hiring.)

3) Town & Country has the nicest staff.
• Helpful and genuinely grateful for the help moving.

4) The Cosmo Girl! girls are a great bunch.
• Sweet, pretty, gracious and they offered me a beer from the twelve-pack they were polishing off (a just-trendy-enough Stella). Who turns down free beer? Plus, you gotta love the exclamation point.
• I found a single shoe wedged under the mini fridge in one woman's cubicle. Damn, I wish I'd been at that Christmas party. And who gets a fridge in their cubby?

I don't know what they're moving into (I'm not involved on that side of the move), but they've got some stiff competition if they want to keep up with Rodale. Granola + yoga = great offices. The pantries were all stocked with fresh fruit, Nantucket Nectars, and healthy junk food. Even better, the fridges were stocked with Corona and bottles of Grey Goose. (I'm not kidding, it was all I could do to restrain myself.)