I have spent every second since we last talked thinking
about what the right words are. I've
boiled it down to these elemental concepts that I want to share with you:

1.We need to lay some ground rules about playmates
asap.

2.Either we disagree/fight reasonably or I will
remove myself. I do not do public
confrontation. This is a deal breaker
boundary I need you to take seriously.

3.I've recently been made aware that defensiveness
is a default reaction that occurs before you've had a chance to digest what’s
been said. I will remember this and try
to give space for it to happen. This is
a VERY new idea to me.

4.I want to reiterate what I said about needing
your ambition to match mine. Your CL ad
was a great step. Keep it up! I’m proud of you for doing that.

5.Don’t tell me you’re fine and good when you’re
not. This is deceptive and erodes trust
in what you say. Something important you
should know about me is that trust, for me, is not a renewable resource. Please always be truthful with me because
once it’s gone I can’t get it back. This
is another deal breaker boundary I need you to take seriously.

6.Please figure out what is making you fall
asleep. I don’t think I can take another
episode.

7.I love our multi-media communication. Some or all, I don’t care, but not NONE. I get so much from it and taking it down to
nothing was like turning off the lights.
I lost you like an earring in the waves.

I want you to know I want to keep going. The first half of my radio silence was spent
with thoughts glacially moving in the other direction. Then two friends, who don’t know each other
but know me well, went to bat for you.
They gave me some new perspectives.
But more illuminating was the way they described how I was when you first
showed up in my life. They described a
joyful girl, mooning about, humming to herself near flowers in vases. How I used words like “everything I’m looking
for” and “has his shit together” and “so different from the others.”

Please remember that up to this point I have had to teach first-graders. TEACH.
I've suddenly found myself with a Masters level peer and I have to break
into rubble a lot of the foundational material I've spent the last decade
mortaring repetitively.

I want our passion and humor back. I want to see you bulletproof again. I want those strange sounds you humans call “giggles”
rising from my throat. Spontaneous and parallel,
two distinct energies recognizing each other through the blackness of the
ether.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I belong to a fantastic art network online called Le Refuse. We have a little over 100 members and growing all the time. We are all from different disciplines but I have never found a more generous, supportive, dedicated, talented group of artists. Occasionally, they give me warm fuzzies by exhibiting these characteristics and it makes me post little happy word farts all over our page. This one seemed to apply in general to all of us who make something from nothing and I wanted to share it with all eight of my readers. (For whom I am eternally grateful.) Awaaaaay, we go:

Today two different people posed the corporate shill job vs. creating what I love question to me about their own situations. They are both talented bright decent people who would benefit greatly, I think, from chasing their dreams. Their hesitation made me appreciate my, and your, choice to carve our own niches that much more. Whether you create a little whenever you can or you've made it your entire life, you are making room for greatness when you conquer your fear and take on the awesome responsibility that is channeling the divine.We look fear in the face DAILY, you guys. Sometimes we might not be sure if the next stroke/click/line/note/choice is the right one. Sometimes we doubt ourselves and overthink our work until it is muddy mush. BUT we wake up and try again. We make conscious choices and take note of the reactions of the world to our existence. We ask questions and are keenly aware of what our next improvements will be.These lessons can't be bought or cajoled. These lessons are what everyone tries to teach their kids.I am so proud of us in our journeys wherever we might be in them. I encourage you to take those leaps and kick fear in the nuts. I am in awe of how strong and resilient and loving you all are. If you're feeling even a little down or defeated or stuck or afraid, just remember that you've inspired ME. And I can't wait to see what you create next. And for consistency with the rest of my posting style, here's the latest in Wedding News: