Monday, February 28, 2011

So this post isn't so much about pants as it is a story about how I impulse bought some gold chains at Hobby Lobby the other day and whipped up this 5 minute crown approximately 10 minutes before I had to go to work. It probably shouldn't have taken me that long, but I'm not that skilled at opening and closing chains.

I wore it to work and then to meet my lady friends at the bar afterwards, where a drunk lady called me a "Greek goddess in zebra tights," which she can say because apparently she's Greek. Anyway. Cough.

It was super simple to throw together. The star chain (star because it's on the front of my face!) was 16", which is not long enough to go around this giant noggin. I opened the chain and added a simpler (cheaper!) chain to one end. Then I measured how big the circumference of my head is using the ever so sophisticated manner of holding it up around my head exactly where I wanted it. I shortened the cheaper chain to the right length and connected the chains. Wa-ton! Theoretically you could add a necklace closure for adjustability, but hopefully my head neither gets huger (it may already be kind of big. Felix's is big, and I think maybe my dad has a giant head?) or smaller.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

This book stars Alizon, one of the virgins picked by the townspeople to be fed to the dragon in the yearly virgin/dragon sacrifice. She is obviously not eaten by the dragon. Enter George, a professional wrestler. George gets hypnotized by his psychic, trippy sister using a magic ancient crystal.

George finds himself in a barn, where he is implored by some lady with a virginal daughter up for the lottery to slay the beast! George thinks he's deep in hypnosis, and agrees to slay the dragon.

(You might want to go to the photo and read it, it's juicy-ish.)

Anyway, it turns out the Alizon stopped the feedings of the dragon when she fed the old lady who used to be in charge to the dragon. She now feeds the dragon sheep that the villagers send and is the keeper of many virgins, which she hides from George. If the townspeople knew the virgins were still alive, they'd kill them.

Alizon is pretty sick of being a virgin if you catch my drift. Romance ensues!! It was not super believable to me, but I guess you may find yourself in love with someone for no real good reason if he's the only guy you know.

Choice Quotes:

There are lots of hilarious things said about virgins.

"Damn those virgins!"

"It had taken her twelve years to reach the stage of a fifteen year old boy, but she was there now, and by St. Stephen she did not know what the hungers of her body would make her do!"

"Providing for the care and luxurious comfort of 12 virgins was not inexpensive."

"Behold! The fang of the beast!"

Dirty Parts:

They were ok, but with the point of the book being all virginy, it took a long time for them to actually get it on.

The one had a lot of funny virgin references. It made me giggle, which is worth much! Like I said before, I'm not really sure what the basis of the romance was aside from the fact that George possessed the proper equipment to help with that pesky virginity problem.

However, I'd like to pass this one on to one of you lucky readers! Leave a comment if you'd like to get your hands on this cheeser. If more than one of you are interested, I'll pick a winner before next week's too hot read.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I got tons of awesome scraps from my lovely swap partner Janet. Here are some of my favorites:

Pipe dreams!

Fishes!

Pretty flowers!

Pineapples of a different color! There is another one that I super love that has "Eager Beavers" on it.

Super dooper big thanks to Janet for the awesome scraps. Some are already part of half finished projects on my table. I'm still have trouble getting my creating mojo back all the way. I'm not 100% better yet I think! I'll have the next 4 days off in a row, so here's to making some magic with my time off!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

My stepmom Kris used to work at a flower shop and has mad skills with the blooms, yo. (Sorry, I'm currently in gangster training.) When the Chainsaw and I decided to legally unite our spirits, she ever so kindly did the flowers for us, including this pretty flower crown for my hair!

She also made awesome bouquets for me and Laura.

Katie didn't get one because she's mad scared of bees, and I went with the ol' ONE maid of dishonor and that's it routine, but really Katie should have had one made of fake flowers for being awesome. Anyway.

My glorious little crown hangs next to my dirty magic mirror in the hallway by my bedroom. I could clean the mirror, but I'm a little afraid that might remove some of its magic. I recently called Kris for advice on making my own fake (Katie approved!?) flower crown, and she is a genius you guys. I made one so far, and it's pretty cool! I'll be sharing soon.

Kris is going to go work at the flower shop this weekend to help them out for Valentine's Day! Good luck jumping back into the thorn infested VD pool, baby girl!

Also, five minutes before I started to write this I busted a little handmade favorite double cat action going on on the couch.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I kept people fairly updated on facebook, but I will repeat it here- I have been a lazy, sickly pile of couch magnet since I got back from Las Vegas. For reals.

My cleavage and I were lucky enough to hang out with my best lady and her two lovely sisters for a whole weekend. Then I was lucky enough to catch Felix's cold and come down with some kind of half flu, which wasn't as nasty as real flu, but it hurt, homes.

Today is the first day in almost two weeks that I actually created something! It was all Felix, actually. He said we needed to make something together, so I got out my copy of Martha Stewart's Good Things for Kids. It took a while to find a project that we had the junk for. I'm not so good at saving stuff like paper towel tubes and cereal boxes, but I did happen to have an empty half and half container on the fridge.

Can I count this as a Project Restyle?! We restyled the heck out of this carton.

This is The Midnight Cow, a cow truck that is almost invisible at night. Of course, we couldn't find any cows in our house. Dinosaurs, sabertooth tigers, bugs- YES! Cows, no. Oh well!

Felix painted this side, which is a cow getting chased by a bunch of balls. Obviously! The half and half spout is for shooting things, kids. That's what Felix says.

So this was made out of that half and half container, much masking tape, elmer's glue, two empty spools, and a bunch of craft sticks. Felix glued sticks together and helped paint, while I handled the more mom appropriate tasks of cutting the container and getting it taped together just right. We spent all morning working on this and jamming out! I'm going to start saving more junk so we can start doing more of these projects together. It was really fun, and Felix told me he loved me at least 15 times and thanked me a few more than that.

I'll be back soon with more creations and regularly scheduled programming.