August 22, 2016

Love Lessons: The Kinky Cure for Writer's Block

Erotica definitely comes with a laugh track. And if you don't believe me, then you really should shut up and check out Ko Kyoung-a's absurd Love Lessons asap. This silly, half-clad skin-flick concerns a dissatisfied, petulant, lascivious, chart-topping songwriter (Kim Sun-young) who overcomes her writer's block by seducing a horny teenage art student (Byeon Joon-seok) who happens to live nearby. That might not sound that ridiculous but when you see her being felt up by her protege on the piano bench while she plucks at the keys on her white baby grand, you'll see exactly what I mean. Find the post-coital cigarette a total hoot? This is definitely your type of movie.

An older woman guiding a younger man into the world of experience via sex... Well, that's nothing new, is it? What may be less tried-and-true are the methods which this cougar employs. First, she entices him with sustained eye contact while being necked by her current flame in an elevator. Later, she teaches her boy toy to kiss tenderly by demonstrating what looks to be a blow job on some soft-serve vanilla ice cream. (And yes, she does end up with milky remnants all over her lips.) Truly this movie would be offensive if you could stop laughing long enough to stomp your foot.

What's the funniest part? I would hazard it's the scene where she's having intercourse with a lover from years ago and the young pup walks in and locks eyes with her even though she's on her back and her head is upside down. (She's too into fornicating to get upset by his interruption; he's too heartbroken to embrace a potential opportunity to jump in.) The saddest part of the movie may be tougher to point. I'm going to say it's that moment you first hear one of her two songs inspired by this love affair. Even knowing that the hired singer (Oh Cho-Hee) is tone-deaf and that the songwriter composed the piece in part on her Casio, doesn't excuse its awfulness. May no one in this movie ever get laid again.