Thursday, May 27, 2010

The nightmare of filing an Order of Protection against my husband

I filed an Order of Protection (restraining order or OOP) against Neil Zucconi with the Superior Court in Phoenix, and he was subsequently served by a Deputy Sheriff in California. Neil was my husband at the time that I went to court to obtain the OOP, although we have since divorced (and quickly!!). The amount of mental anguish and emotional stress and general fear that I've been dealing with in filing the restraining order against him has truly overwhelmed me. I had no idea how difficult it would be to go through the process of filing the OOP and then have him served. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any real instructions on how to go about this process anywhere - I just kind of stumbled along. I did have the support of my local police department. They have been great, and I've leaned heavily on their Victim Services program for support.

In fact it was my local police who in the end had my ex-husband served. That in itself was a crazy and lengthy process. At first, I chose to hire a private process server, but that route can be expensive, and in my case, unsuccessful. Next, I was going to turn to the County Sheriff, but decided against it because if you are serving someone who is out of state, that is also costly. The last thing I wanted to do was pay $$ to have Neil served. It didn't seem fair, after everything that I'd been through. So I turned to the police, and amazingly, they were able to help me for free even though it was a logistical challenge having to serve someone who was out of state.

I'm in the process of reaching out to others who are dealing with or who have dealt with filing an Order of Protection against a spouse or significant other. It's not a fun thing to do. Especially when that person is in law enforcement. It's intimidating and incredibly stressful, even when you have the best of resources and a strong support system.

Purple Ribbon Council's Face of Hope: Kristin Davis

Pages

"I felt an inescapable obligation to fight against the violence that had not only hurt me personally but also affects a staggering percentage of women.With domestic abuse causing the deaths of four women and an estimated five children each day in the United States alone, becoming active in the fight against this kind of abuse was perhaps the only way to make sense of what I had gone through." Donna Bartos, The Lonely Road

“The truth is, everything that has happened in my life ... that I thought was a crushing event at the time, has turned out for the better."