I woke up refreshed on our first full morning in â€˜Dam! Iâ€™d slept a full 8 hours without even waking up for a piss, which was something I hadnâ€™t done in about 5 years!
I had been anxious before we went that I might be seasick the entire time I was on the boat, but on the contrary, I found the gentle rocking strangely comforting!
The gadger who owned the boat was coming round at 10am to collect his wedge, so I dogged the 3 lads out of their pits in the living room and cracked open the hatch to let out the smell of nutsacks and farts!
The only thing we had on board in the way of provisions was some milk and teabags that weâ€™d picked up from an Albert Heijn the night before! The boys volunteered to go and get some munch, so we had a whip round and chipped in 10 euros each!
The bloke arrived bang on time, and asked if everything was hunky dory! We replied in the affirmative, except the girls were upset that the promised wi-fi wasnâ€™t working and I was slightly titsed off that we could only get 3 channels on the telly, 2 childrenâ€™s channels and a news network, all of which were in Dutch! The guy explained that you had to go up on deck to receive the wi-fi, and retuned the TV so we at least had BBC1 and a couple of crappy Euro channels that spoke English!
By the time the guy fucked off it was about 10-40! It was a warm but drizzly morning, so me and the Missus decided to tick the first of two things we planned to do off our â€˜bucket listâ€™ and catch the tram down to the Rijksmuseum!
The kids came back with the shopping! Thankfully they didnâ€™t come back with 80 Eurosworth of crisps and chocolate bars like I half expected they would, and we all had a pretty decent breakfast of cheese and tomato toasties and coffee!
Rather surprisingly, two of the lads professed an interest in coming with me and Our Peg to the museum! The rest of the kids wanted to go down to Rembrandtplein on a coffeeshop crawl!
By the time everyone had got their shit together it was almost one oâ€™clock, but thankfully it had stopped raining! We decided to walk down to the Museumplein via the Jordaan and take in some of the sights along the way! Unfortunately I donâ€™t know that area of the city very well and we ended up going miles out of our fuckinâ€™ way, although we did stumble across a few out of the way coffeeshops Iâ€™d never even heard of!
We did eventually make it into the city centre and I pointed out Anne Frankâ€™s House to the kids and took them through Dam Square for some photo opportunities! After schlepping down Rokin to Smokeyâ€™s it was past 3 oâ€™clock! (when are them lazy bastard Dutch builders going to finish working on that motherfucker?)
Everyone was â€˜Hank Marvinâ€™ so we went to â€˜Cocoâ€™s Outbackâ€™ for some dinner! We sat out on the terrace so that me and the Missus could smoke our fags and the kids went and sat in the smoking shelter where youâ€™re still allowed to skin up, contrary to what Iâ€™d read elsewhere on the internet!
I had the steak and ale pie and a couple of pints of ice cold Guinness, which was totally â€˜meh!â€™ but a couple of the lads fell for the lure of the Kangeroo burger despite me warning them it was nasty shit! My Missus managed to pick up a wi-fi signal on her phone and checked the closing time at the museum! 5pm! â€¦ What a cunt! It was already after 4 and we hadnâ€™t even made it down to the Museumplein!
We decided to cut our losses and go and get ripped in â€˜Barneyâ€™s Loungeâ€™ instead! I prefer this place to the original Barneyâ€™s â€˜cos itâ€™s usually much quieter! Sure enough there was plenty of room to spread out and a mongfest soon ensued!
My nephew went and got the vapo bag off the bud-tender and a 3 gram deal of â€˜Dr Grinspoonâ€™ to go with it! I scored a 3 gram deal of the â€˜Pineapple Chunkâ€™ so that we had plenty of grist for the mill and we proceeded to try and give my niece the â€˜whiteyâ€™ weâ€™d promised her!
An hour later, having failed miserably with our goal (fuckinâ€™ hardcore bitch hoovered up bag after bag without batting an eyelid) we made our way back up to Rembrandtplein and squeezed onto a packed tram back to Centraal Station!
We had our our evening meal at an Italian restaurant on Haarlemmerstraat and then went and checked out the â€˜newâ€™ coffeeshop the lads had discovered when theyâ€™d gone shopping that morning!
It turned out to be the â€˜Greenhouse Loungeâ€™ â€¦ a place Iâ€™d never been in before, but a very nice â€˜discoveryâ€™ by the lads! It doesnâ€™t look much from the outside, but the tiled room at the back of the shop must be one of the nicest places to have a spliff in the whole of Amsterdam! The bird who waits on the tables is easy on the eye too!
Back at the boat, the kids stayed up on deck for their customary late night session while I hit the sack and drifted off to sleep like a little baby being rocked in its motherâ€™s arms!

des wrote:I woke up refreshed on our first full morning in â€˜Dam! Iâ€™d slept a full 8 hours without even waking up for a piss, which was something I hadnâ€™t done in about 5 years!I had been anxious before we went that I might be seasick the entire time I was on the boat, but on the contrary, I found the gentle rocking strangely comforting!The gadger who owned the boat was coming round at 10am to collect his wedge, so I dogged the 3 lads out of their pits in the living room and cracked open the hatch to let out the smell of nutsacks and farts!The only thing we had on board in the way of provisions was some milk and teabags that weâ€™d picked up from an Albert Heijn the night before! The boys volunteered to go and get some munch, so we had a whip round and chipped in 10 euros each!The bloke arrived bang on time, and asked if everything was hunky dory! We replied in the affirmative, except the girls were upset that the promised wi-fi wasnâ€™t working and I was slightly titsed off that we could only get 3 channels on the telly, 2 childrenâ€™s channels and a news network, all of which were in Dutch! The guy explained that you had to go up on deck to receive the wi-fi, and retuned the TV so we at least had BBC1 and a couple of crappy Euro channels that spoke English!By the time the guy fucked off it was about 10-40! It was a warm but drizzly morning, so me and the Missus decided to tick the first of two things we planned to do off our â€˜bucket listâ€™ and catch the tram down to the Rijksmuseum!

Are you shitting me? How long have you been going to the Dam and you still haven't been to the Rijksmuseum? Oh dear.

des wrote:The kids came back with the shopping! Thankfully they didnâ€™t come back with 80 Eurosworth of crisps and chocolate bars like I half expected they would, and we all had a pretty decent breakfast of cheese and tomato toasties and coffee!Rather surprisingly, two of the lads professed an interest in coming with me and Our Peg to the museum! The rest of the kids wanted to go down to Rembrandtplein on a coffeeshop crawl!By the time everyone had got their shit together it was almost one oâ€™clock, but thankfully it had stopped raining! We decided to walk down to the Museumplein via the Jordaan and take in some of the sights along the way! Unfortunately I donâ€™t know that area of the city very well and we ended up going miles out of our fuckinâ€™ way, although we did stumble across a few out of the way coffeeshops Iâ€™d never even heard of!We did eventually make it into the city centre and I pointed out Anne Frankâ€™s House to the kids and took them through Dam Square for some photo opportunities! After schlepping down Rokin to Smokeyâ€™s it was past 3 oâ€™clock! (when are them lazy bastard Dutch builders going to finish working on that motherfucker?)Everyone was â€˜Hank Marvinâ€™ so we went to â€˜Cocoâ€™s Outbackâ€™ for some dinner! We sat out on the terrace so that me and the Missus could smoke our fags and the kids went and sat in the smoking shelter where youâ€™re still allowed to skin up, contrary to what Iâ€™d read elsewhere on the internet!I had the steak and ale pie and a couple of pints of ice cold Guinness, which was totally â€˜meh!â€™ but a couple of the lads fell for the lure of the Kangeroo burger despite me warning them it was nasty shit! My Missus managed to pick up a wi-fi signal on her phone and checked the closing time at the museum! 5pm! â€¦ What a cunt! It was already after 4 and we hadnâ€™t even made it down to the Museumplein!