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Lately my posts have been pretty angry and political, so I wanted to bring back a little bit of my derpy side to lighten the mood. After all, I’m not ALWAYS angry. Just ya know… just almost always most of the time. (Wait, what?)

So if you’ve kept up with my blog thus far, I think I’ve shown you guys just how weird and awkward I am. I try not to be, but I can’t help it when I find things funny and I make a joke and no one gets it. Then I’m THAT person just laughing by myself at something I thought would be hilarious to everyone. Damnit.

So just TODAY ALONE, I had two extremely embarrassing events happen to me. When I was walking into work, this girl was walking towards me and she smiled and waved. When I see people smile, I can’t help but smile back so I instinctively just smiled and said hello to her. She then nervously laughed and said, “Oh no… I was waving to my friend,” and she points to her friend pulling up in a car, picking the girl up.

I know this is a classic awkward scenario and if you’ve ever experienced this then you understand my feels. My super awkward, ashamed feels. Like, let’s just crawl into a hole in the ground and not come up for air for a good week.

After that happened, I waltzed right into work and told myself I wasn’t gonna let that get to me. Just because my day started awkwardly, doesn’t mean it has to keep going, right? Well, wrong. My next awkward moment tops that one.

My coworker is making drinks (remember, I work at a coffee shop) and he calls me over to look at the name on the cup. The name on the cup says “Usher.” So, we don’t get this often, but we get it enough. Yeah, yeah, you want us to call out the name “Tupac, Naruto, or Barack Obama.” Yeah, I’ve seen it all. And usually when it happens, I make sure I make them feel super weird about it when they pick up their drink. For instance, if there’s a bunch of people waiting for their drinks in the lobby, I’ll call out, “I got a *insert drink name here* for Shanikwa! Shanikwa, I got your drink right over here!” I will yell this obnoxiously loud and most of the time, this young White or Asian teeny bopper awkwardly walks up to grab her drink while her friends are in the corner cracking up. But hey, that shit’s not funny when there’s an actual Shanikwa in the building. TRY LAUGHING NOW, HUH?!

But anyways, the cup says “Usher,” so I automatically assume it’s one of those kids. So I laugh and I’m like, “Okay I got this one… URSHERRR I GOT YO DRINK RIGHT HERE!” And this Middle Eastern man in his late twenties-early thirties walks up and grabs his drink. My coworker and I are shocked that it’s not some young hoodlum trying to fuck with us, so my coworker asks, “Is that really your name?” And sure enough, homie says “Yeah, that’s my real name.”

YYYYEAHH…. You can imagine the look on my face at this point.

So then to make things less awkward, the guy says “I also have a fake name too.” So then I automatically think “Omg! So he was kidding all along!” And I try to follow his game and I tell him, “Oh me too! My real name is Ariana Grande and my fake name is Ally.” And then I realize… homie wasn’t playing a game. His real name is actually Usher.

Damnit. I totally just made this awkward situation even awkward-er. Why am I cursed with such a weird personality?!

After I realized he wasn’t lying about his name, I told him, “Oh.. sorry… totally thought you were messing with me. I was trying to follow that game, but I definitely was playing that game by myself.” The guy was a good sport about it though. Before he left, he chuckled and said, “Game over.”

So there you have it. I don’t exaggerate or lie when I say I truly just derp around in real life. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being normal and 10 being goofy, I’m a 20. Sometimes arguably a 30. I don’t even have an adjective for that high of a number.