So Wednesday was supposed to be the big night for new shows. There was even two damn articles about the hotly contested 9 o’clock hour in the NY Times and in the WSJ. As the NY Times pointed out, “Kitchen Nightmares,” “Bionic Woman,” and “Private Practice” were the first, second and third most anticipated shows (not necessarily in that order). I can’t speak to “Kitchen” because I just would never watch that crap (as distinguished, of course, from all the crap that I do watch). But “Woman” and “Practice” were, well, not good. Frankly, my TV is now set to THE CW at 9pm.

Private Practice was bad. Bad bad bad. Like unwatchable bad. (Not that it stopped me.) I had high hopes that they had fixed the problems from the teaser episode, cause I really want good things for Kate Walsh, but no. I blame Amy Brenneman. Like in her last show, the truly awful “Judging Amy,” everyone is just so angry and unhappy. Jesus. It stresses me out. A lot of people, as reader Wendy pointed out, would say the same thing about “Grey’s Anatomy,” that Meredith is needlessly unhappy all the time. Yes, and that is why I hate Meredith. But this is like a whole show of Merediths. (Except Tim Daly, who I heart and who seems to be actually enjoying himself). I also love, and agree with, what the EW TV watcher said about it:

The biggest problem this show will have to overcome is the fact that every character is dumb. And I don’t mean that flippantly; I literally mean they’re stupid. A man comes to Oceanside Wellness with his young daughter, who’s about to give birth. He’s angry that she hid her pregnancy from him, but only when she goes into congestive heart failure during the birth does he mention that her mother died in childbirth. Dumb! Then there’s Violet, the psychiatrist, who encounters her patient having a psychotic break in a shopping mall, and says aloud, ”What the hell happened to her?” Dumb!

But Addison gets the prize. This woman left Seattle and moved to California without realizing she wouldn’t have a staff or a hospital room for her births? And she’s an ob-gyn who doesn’t know the word midwifery?

Anwhos, this show’s season pass is revoked until I hear that it has stopped sucking.

Bionic Woman, which I have been most excited about since forever, was sooo slooow and daaaarrk. And that was before she was in a life-threatening accident. One of my main problems with it was a volume issue. The dialogue was so hushed (and depressing) (and sloooow) so we had to jack the volume way up to hear what they were talking about (most of which didn’t make sense) and then, all of a sudden, KABLAMMY, something explodes and my inner ear ruptures. And who was the guy in the prison and how did he get out of prison and why did he look 40 years older after he got out of prison and why were they on top of a mountain. This wasn’t “Heroes” or Lost-type confusion, like hey, I don’t know who that guy is and what he is doing with that button, but I know he is somehow related to X? It was like why am I even watching this confusion. Finally, what was up with that from out of nowhere sex scene? First, she hates him for, ya know, making her into a machine, and then they are banging? Wha? So a disappointing premiere, but I will stick with this one for a few more episodes. I mean, it’s got all that buzz! And it did get progressively better as the show went along.

God, this is a long entry and I haven’t even gotten to the two shows that I liked. First, “Dirty Sexy Money” is a watcher if only to watch Peter Krause’s facial expressions. I have loved him every since Sports Night. He can do more with a knowing smirks than most men can get with [insert something vaguely NSFW here]. Plus, it’s got the whole obsession with the lifestyles of the rich, famous and f-ed up thing that Gossip Girl has going for it. Thumbs up.

And “Life,” which has gotten decidedly mixed reviews, was actually quite good. I could do without all the scarily random Zen philosophy, but otherwise, it’s intriguing. Somehow, this guy who just spent 12 years in prison for crimes he did not commit is not nearly as “dark and twisty” (or as boooorrring) as the ladies in above shows. I mean, he clearly has issues, but he evidences them in funways. Lesson for you, Ms. Brenneman. The fruit thing, which a lot of reviewers harp on, makes total sense to me. Dude’s been in prison. He looked a little scurvy-eqsue in those prison scenes. Of course he craves some Vitamin C. One question, are they going to actually have the wonderfully droll Adam Arkin actually do something in the show?

DREW Carey had a defining moment on a recently taped “The Price Is Right.” The female contestant was excited. Really excited. So majorly excited that she said to Drew: “I’m so excited I’m going to pee in my pants.” Drew drew on his years of ad-lib qualities and replied, “OK, but wait at least until you hear what you won.” He then told her she’d just qualified for whatever it was she qualified for. So she did what he wanted. She waited to hear what he had to say. Then she did what she wanted. She let loose.

Staffers took her off to a side, grabbed a hair dryer and blow-dried her pants and panties. Blotted up and calmed down, she then returned to the stage.

Starting with The Reaper, which probably had the most buzz of these shows. Kevin Smith directs! The guy from The Loop stars! Okay, maybe not so much buzz on Bret Harrison. But I do think the show lived up to the hype. It was v funny, with funny bits that weren’t in the promos (hell hounds, that dude’s eyebrows). And I like the casting of the chick from Heroes who could change her appearance. Plus, Ray Wise was super fantastic as the Devil. I am amazed at how they did the lighting in such a way to make his blue eyes glow with glee/evil. He hasn’t freaked me out so bad since Twin Peaks (Bob . . . [shiver]). But beyond all that, the show had some serious drama moments: it was, dare I say, even poignant. Who knew Bret had it in him?

Now to another show about an accidental hero with bits of action, comedy and a wee bit of drama: Chuck. Also quite good. Not sure I buy him as a nerd — he is pretty darn cute. But he is at least awkward. Fun note: I read somewhere that Bret tried out for this show too. I guess there is just a small group of very cute 20 somethings who can play Nerd Superhero in LA. Anywhos, this now has a season pass.

The other new show I watched was Journeyman. Also good. Yes, it’s a bit like Quantum Leap, but oh so much messier. [Spoiler alert] Dead girlfriend whose not so dead? Angry wife who is/was jealous of dead girlfriend before and after her alleged death. Messy episodic stories–who knew when he saved that guy’s life, he have to undo it 10 years later. I was hoping I could choose between Chuck and Vorenus [that was Kevin McKidd’s character in the HBO show for everyone who isn’t Liz. don’t worry, kids, he doesn’t travel back to ancient Rome on the new show.], but so far I am sticking with both. Not sure about the old season pass for this one, but it’s going to get at least a few more viewings.

And a shout-out to returning favorites. HIMYM was in top form. My favorite part was when Barney tried to get Ted to go to Montreal so they could get “Cirque du So Laid”. Ahh, Barney, how I’ve missed you these months. And Heroes was excellent. Sark. He alone would have made my night. (Though why he always gotta be British. Dude is from Oregon. And he’s 27, which is unrelated to the British thing but crazy.) And, though the show was a bit draggy, the last 3 minutes made it legen (wait for it) dary. So an additional thumbs up to NBC for having 3 great shows on Monday night.

[Eds. note: So I guess it’s Reaper not “The” Reaper. How could I make such a huge blunder? I must have an obsession with definite articles. I recently got excoriated for writing “the BFG Partnership” in a motion instead of “BFG Partnership.” So shut my mouth and call me Suzie.]

[Update: So the IAYM editorial board decided it would be a better use of our time to rewatch HIMYM than to suffer through Dancing with the Stars or ‘Til Death on Wednesday night. And I must report that Barney said they were going to hang out with acrobats from Montreal to get Cirque de So Laid. No trips to Montreal were planned. I apologize for the oversight.]

Apparently, cricket — and South Asians in marketing?? — is gaining popularity in the US. Why else would the New York Times be writing about it?? The Indian team recently defeated Pakistan, which I guess was a big deal:

“The young and the restless,” is how Rajdeep Sardesai, the son of a professional cricketer and editor in chief of CNN-IBN, a news channel, described the new face of Indian cricket. One of its gifts to the nation, he and other cricket watchers say, is to present, for the first time, a powerfully athletic presence on the pitch. Athleticism has never been associated with Indian cricket, nor with Indians in general, and that has been a chip on the shoulder of Indian manhood.

AND,

Think of Twenty20 as cricket on Red Bull. Or as the historian Mukul Kesavan put it, “kamikaze cricket.”

“Kamikaze cricket” sounds kinda fun. And, these young Indians speak a language called Hinglish (it even has its own Wiki!!). Will Hinglish catch on in America? Will the younguns start to play cricket on the playgrounds? Some say South Asians are taking over the world… IAYM isn’t sure were quite there yet, but we’ll admit it’s a trend to watch.