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The Boss: Can you come to a meeting right now?
Dilbert: No, it's almost lunch time.
If I miss lunch, my day will be 12 hours of uninterrupted misery. I will envy the dead.
The Boss: That's stupid. The dead don't eat lunch either.

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The New Ombudsman Asok says, "How can you be impartial in my dispute with management when they are the ones paying you?" Helen Fry says, "Perhaps you have something of value that would allow me to see your side." Wally says, "He's creepy without his soul, but I envy his carefree attitude."

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."

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Wally: I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society. Then I could enjoy the admiration and respect of my peers. Dilbert: The way you respect and admire me? Wally: Great! Now you've talked me out of it!

Share December 01, 2011's comic on:

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Dilbert: Don't clean the whiteboard in the conference room. It has my project timeline. Janitor: I can't promise that. I slip into a sort of zombie reflex mode when I do this job. Dilbert: I envy you. Janitor: Would you like a few minutes to say goodbye to your timeline?

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Envy me, Bob. I have a digital pager and you don't." Bob says, "I don't need one. My digital PCS phone has a built in pager function." Ratbert says, "Oh, wow." Ratbert sits on the back of Dilbert chair and says, "But the worst part is that he only uses it to clean his ears." Dilbert is working on his computer, "I taught him that. The vibrating action is excellent."