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Super konyo and the kopi culture

E-wee. Like, I’m back from the dead na talaga. Like, I never in my wildest hunch talaga that I will be making waves again. Like, I thought talaga that I’m in the ashes na, like getting buried six feet under some kadere cemetery na. But, like, I’m alive pa pala. Ahihihihi.

Oh yeah, I’m Super Konyo, the great conyow, not the Zamboanga word for the mani of a girl huuuh. Like, a conyow, you know. Some kinda upper strata in the economic heirarchy of this third world country. E-weee.

Like, I always go to some cafe in the posh areas in the metro to meet my so-called friends like that. Like, my friends from college and we always make kwento to ourselves how we are making work na in the real world. This real world is making me crazy talaga. It’s so ish! Like, many people so different from the people I encountered in college and from the skwa-kwa I used to live before I become like this social butterfly, ahihihihi. There are like, many, many bitches talaga, like, making gaya the monsteresque of Devil Wears Prada talaga.

Anyway. To chillaaawwwt mahself talaga from the burden of work, I meet up with my friends talaga in cafes. Like e-weee, no to Starbucks kaya. Like, it’s so not posh talaga. It’s like considered the masa of the cafes. It’s like the place to go for middle-class wannabes kaya. So I insist to my conyo friends din that we chillaaawwwt in like, Coffee Bean or UCC. Like GJ is sooo for oldies kaya and nobody goes there to chillaaawt. E-wee. And Seattle’s Best is like, a Starbucks wannabe kaya.

Like I always wonder why the kopi is so mahal there and the 3-in-one sachets are like a one-time buhos and drink na but still people are flocking there to buy a tall glass of coffee that is like so mahal talaga.

It’s like I don’t really drink kopi kaya but I love hanging out talaga in cafes because of the eye candies, you know, some metrosexual guys on the loose having some very kapal foundation and make-up in their faces with their buffed bods to make my drool flowing talaga. Ish. It’s so katurn-on talaga. Fierce! Their hands are even cleaner than mine talaga and its like, my gaydar is already turning round and round my head talaga like some psychedelic 80s video. Like, so many eye candies there making eyeball coffee-ing themselves and then go to a nearby motel na afterwards. Also, I get the chance to backbite people who are jologs with jologs dresses and jologs Tagalog language talking to each other, making so much ingay. Ish. Like now I believe a cafe is a glorified school canteen talaga.

And then, these people pa are taking pictures of themselves like, it’s a posh version of a Luneta Park talaga. Like, duh. They even use flashes pa! So ish talaga. So sakit to the eyes with that flash ha.

This pa. Just a scoop about myself. Like, I really don’t drink coffee because it’s like making me antok when I drink it so I just order some hot chocolate. And since I insist in the Coffee Bean, like even if their hot choco is so like far, far not masarap than Starbucks but I just tiis so I can be sosy kaya. Like, when I’m not with my friends, I secretly sneak in to Starbucks talaga to order their Signature Hot Choco. Fierce! Then I ran as fast as I could to labas myself, I’m just scared some kinda friends will see me. It’s gonna be like, so kakahiya.

Like, this cafes ha, are making patugtog some music that I don’t understand. They said, it’s gonna make you relax but like, some ironic twist of things, the kopi you’re drinking makes you like a very agitated human being kaya. Ish talaga. Why are some people so tanga in their analysis talaga.

There was one guy pa nga I overheard talking to his friends. He was like, very pangit talaga and like, he looks so poor. You know naman talaga when a person is like, mayaman and posh di ba. Like, the skin is gonna glow like a mayaman glow. But this guy is like so obviously a social butterfly talaga. He went on bragging and making his voice so loud pa, like, “hey pare, you should have gone to the gym kanina coz no one was there.” Like, the guts! Ish. Very mayabang with his poor-looking skin. I really wanted to throw talaga my hot choco on his face. Ish. Him and his fake conyo accent pa talaga. The nerve.

Like, okay, I’m gonna go na. Like this coffee culture is like getting into my system na. I’m gonna have so much stuff to say pa but I’m like I don’t have a budget for a wifi card to buy in that cafe. Like, I’m gonna find na lang some free wifi zone na lang. And oh, at least I got to like, open my laptop and making show to everybody that I have one talaga.