Toddler Etiquette for Attending a Birthday Party

Your child hits toddlerhood and bam! — those colorful party invites start pouring in. Here's how to prep your social butterfly in training — and yourself — when your little one's invited to a birthday party.

Being a well-behaved birthday-party guest doesn’t come naturally to easily excitable toddlers and preschoolers, especially amid the fanfare of noisemakers, presents, and cake. But you can help your child enjoy the experience and minimize the meltdowns, sugar highs, and plain old messes that often come with attending a birthday party.

Ask what’s on the menu. It’s perfectly fine to call or e-mail the party parents to ask oh-so-politely what the food options will be, especially if your child has food allergies. These days, most moms and dads are sensitive to special dietary needs. (If your child has unique issues, though, it’s probably best to bring your own snack.) If you’re concerned about the food because you’re leading a junk food–free lifestyle, it may be easier to relax the rules a little than go head-to-head with the hosts. After all, it’s their child’s celebration, and they have the right to serve what they like. Just give your Little Miss Healthy a snack of fruit or low-fat cheese before the event, and tell your tot that it’s okay to have a little cake and ice cream on special occasions.

Dress for success. It’s tempting to deck your child out in her fanciest duds when she’s invited to a toddler birthday party, but simple clothes are better. You don’t want Lucy tripping over her long skirt, or Steven struggling to sit cross-legged in constricting suit pants when the party games begin. Stick to easily washable clothes too (it’s a given that any dry-clean-only outfit will end up smeared head to toe with chocolate icing). You may even want to pack a backup outfit to change into after the party, or even during, if outfit number one gets soaked with juice or covered in cake.

Give a mini toddler manners lesson beforehand. No need to go into every fine point of birthday party etiquette, but do make a big deal about saying please and thank you to the hosts upon arrival and also review what’ll happen once you’re inside. (“We’re going to hand Jason his birthday present. We’ll say thank you to his mommy for inviting us to the birthday party. Then you’ll go have fun.”) But don’t be appalled if your munchkin forgets all the coaching and clings to your leg — or refuses to give up her smartly wrapped gift. Just pull her out of play for some time on the sidelines until she regains her composure.

Hang out with the other parents at the party. As nice as a couple of hours of free babysitting would be (well, free minus the price of a birthday present), your itty-bitty birthday-party guest needs your supervision. Plus, getting to chat with other moms and dads is a real benefit to being invited to a birthday party. More than one long-lasting friendship has begun handing out paper plates at a kid’s party, and it’s a perfect opportunity to get babysitter recommendations or tips on new kid-friendly eateries.

Have an escape plan. If your child goes into full-blown meltdown mode (she spots the goody bags early, can’t keep her hands off the guest of honor’s presents, or gets too rough with the piñata), you may have no choice than to make an early exit. Better to cut your losses and leave the party than make everyone suffer. Don’t worry — there will be plenty more chances to practice being a better-behaved birthday-party guest for years to come.