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7.02.2008

The Last time was the Last Time

Day 26 has a new video out for their song Since You've Been Gone. (Diddy can go ahead and forward me a check since I totally just big-upped Day 26... website, youtube video and lyrics respectively).

I'm not a fan of the new song, personally, but I did listen to it (while watching the video) and one line in particular caught my ear:

I know that last timeYou said it was the last timeBut baby all I needIs one more last time

How... well... bold? If I told you that this time was the last time then what makes you think you can ask for another chance? Oh... I know... probably because the time before I said this was the last time.

I think everybody knows that when you're dealing with kids, it's important to keep that old hood adage "word iz bond" in the back of your mind. In other words, if you tell a child that the next time they do "x" they will be punished, whenever they do "x" (and they will, 'cause kids like to push the boundaries and test the limits) then you must punish them. Otherwise, they come to understand that they don't have to always do what you tell them to. Likewise, if you take a person back after they have wronged you in a relationship and you say "this is the last time" and then they "eff" up again (as they will probably do) and it's not the end of the relationship... well, they then come to understand that as long as they're really sorry, it's all good.

Been there. Done that. If you say it's the last time, let it be the last time. For real. And I KNOW that's easier said than done, but as I look back if I had only stuck by my word maybe things would be different...

From a personal place, I know that it was a lot of times easier to just believe him when he said that he was going to try harder. And I think I can now look back on it and really believe that he meant it when he said it, but it's hard to do right when all you've ever done is wrong. That requires a lot of selflessness, which he didn't possess, and a lot of self-motivation and drive which he also didn't have. In any case, he meant it when he said it but he never followed through and I also think that at a certain point, it was just easier to do what he wanted, let me be mad and call him everything but a son of God, apologize and wait for (the inevitable) me to take him back.

But how can a relationship grow when it's stuck in a rut like that. That's all that is... a rut. And when you tell your significant other that you'll give them another chance but it'll be their last chance, the only way to get out of that rut is to stick by your guns. Everytime you let them back, it makes it easier for them to decide to do wrong and for you to decide to do it again.

I'm all about happy relationships. I've even supported a few relationships (my own included) because in that present time, the two people involved were happy, even when I knew it just wasn't a good fit. I'm all about the happiness. However, what good is happiness is only fleeting and is oftentimes replaced with something so ugly it makes you wonder if the happiness was even worth it?

Ok, all that babble is to say: The last time should always truly be the last time, no matter what type of asshole or b*tch you think that makes you look like, it's important to stick by your word. And I bet that if that person is really truly ready to change and do right, they'll do that without you and if they are really truly ready for a committed relationship, they'll come back at which point you can make a new decision...