Ebony & Ivory sitting in a tree..

Do It For The Likes

All right folks, let’s talk about money. More specifically let’s talk about online money. More specifically let’s not even talk about money, I don’t know why I said that in the first place. I’m not talking about the stuff you spend at Amazon or your Pay Pal. I also am not talking about your fucking Bit Coin or whatever the fuck that is.

I’m talking about Likes.

I noticed today that twitter changed something. This change is actually quite dear to me. This change is dear to any user who has been on twitter for long enough (26.4K tweets and still tweetin’). You see there have always been two things you strive for when you tweet. The best thing is a retweet because that gets more eyes on your tweet.

The other thing which may or may not be equally as good depending on who you ask (fucking Jerry) are favs. Some people call them favorites. Some people call them stars because they are represented by a star on the tweet. Some people so graphically refer to “starfucking” one another when stars are given. I’m not one of those people, but I understand and appreciate the sentiment.

Then came favstar.fm where you could keep track of which of your tweets got starfucked the most. I would Like to share with you my most faved tweet but apparently knowing that is a premium service on favstar.fm and we don’t pay premiums around here (fucking Jerry). Nah we cancel the free trial the day before they charge my account Like a real American.

Instead I will share one of my most remembered faved tweets from someone else who recently changed their twitter name because I guess she’s a new person or something. Anyway, her tweet went Like this:

“Let me get two grey gooses. That don’t sound right. Let me get two grey geese. That’s not it either. Fuck it, let me just get a flock of vodka”

So twitter has taken away the iconic fav star that many of us regular tweeters strive for and changed it into a Like heart. Like hearts come in a thumbs up as well, usually accompanied by the dreaded thumbs down, better known as the Fuck You.

I am not upset about this change because I understand it. I mean, I have Liked twitter significantly less over the years as it evolved from a place to share my random and humorous thoughts with others to the scandal slash celebrity or business harassment hub slash whatever popular tv show, award show, or sporting event chat room of America that it has become today. However, I can still do what I want there, even if nobody reads, shares, favs, or gives a piece of fuck about my shit (fucking Jerry). Like this post, by the way. My ego needs it.

I believe they made this change because Likes have become the €uros of the internet. Likes are everywhere ever since Facebook added the Like button, which was less a button and more a clickable blue underline of the word Like, but I digress.

Likes are also cheap and easy. A favorite has greater implications. If you fav something that implies that you want to go back to it on a regular basis because you love it so much. There’s too much shit and not enough time out here for favorites anymore. Just Likes.

Likes measure your online value. If you post something and it gets no Likes, you will probably take it down or at least make sure not to post no bullshit Like that again. Likes tell you who’s a bad bitch on Instagram and who should have gone to college. Likes make the online world go ’round. Basically they are the fuel of the social media economy, which is where we spend most of our online time (fucking Jerry).

I wonder though, maybe the fav star has always been a Like all along. The change is so subtle that I’m not sure anyone else even noticed. Or maybe only I can see it. Maybe nothing is nothing and everything is everything. Whatever it is, I bet it’s fucking Jerry’s fault.

By now I should probably let you know.. There is no Jerry.. But fuck him anyway..