Saturday, 20 May 2017

The Instruction Manual

Greg Bresciani

warm malted milk

Why does everyone keep saying that children don’t come
with an instruction manual? Sure they do. I use one all the time.

I can never have children of my own- my lazy sperm made
sure of that. However, since becoming a foster carer, I always read the
instruction manual for each foster child that is placed in my care. The
instructions help me with that which I have no previous experience
in.

The first section of the instruction manual covers the
basics: clean your teeth, clean your room, have a bath before bedtime
etc.This is the easiest part. You can’t go wrong with
it.

Much of the instruction manual’s focus is on
open-mindedness. Achieving this requires plenty of field trips to festivals and
cultural events. I don’t know why so much emphasis is placed on open-mindedness,
but I do know that the children in my care rejoice in the weekend outings- and
so do I.

The section on discipline is unusable. I am instructed to
smack naughty children with a wooden spoon. I refuse to do this as it is common
knowledge that most foster children are victims of abuse. The lessons taught by
the sting of a wooden spoon would be lost on them.

Another concern with the instruction manual is section
four: teaching children good manners. No matter how hard I try, I can never get
good manners to stick. It doesn’t help either that the pages for this section
are blank.

Hmm. This could be a problem. Technical Support may be
the solution. I should phone them; their contact details will be somewhere
inside the front cover. Yep, here it is. Only after I’ve dialled
do I realise that Technical Support has the same phone number as my mom.

“Hello?”

“Hi mom.”

“Oh, hi Glenn.”

“I, um … need some advice mom.”

“Yes?”

“I’m trying to teach my kids manners, but it’s not
working mom. How did you do it? You know, with me.”

“But I raised you from a baby. Foster Care is a totally
different situation. “

So, it seems the problem with the instruction manual goes
far beyond the support provided by Technical Support.

Am I even using the right instruction manual? Is it an
older version? Do I need to upgrade to a newer one? I should contact Head Office
and ask. I’ll just find the company’s details- ah, here it is: Kiehna
Incorporated. Kiehna? But … that’s my mom’s maiden name.

Shit! What was I thinking? Children don’t come with an
instruction manual. They never have. That’s just silly.

When I’m raising a foster child, I’m not mentally
flipping through the pages of a booklet. Oh-no. It’s much more grandiose than
that. I’m accessing a file cabinet inside my head with thousands of memories
filed away in each draw. Memories of a mother’s love and devotion directed at
me. Memories of being reminded to clean my teeth, clean my room, have a bath
before bedtime etc. All throughout my childhood, my mom asked me to do these
chores more times than there are people in China.

Memories- I will cherish forever -of weekend outings with
my mom. Festivals and cultural events, if it encouraged me to explore the world
around me, my mom would take me there. Only as an adult, do I now understand my
mom’s hidden agenda of teaching me tolerance and to value diversity.

I remember the fear of the wooden spoon more so than the
smacks across my buttocks. I believe this was the whole point. The fear of being
smacked forced me to stop and think of the consequences of my actions.

I have no memories of my mom nurturing my good manners.
She would have taught me this valuable lesson as soon as I could walk and talk.
No one has memories of their life under the age of four.

It amazes me, the more I consider it, that parenting
skills don’t begin with the birth of a baby. Everyone has memories of being
raised by their parents that they can use as a reference, should ever they find
themselves raising a child.Plus what’s most exciting, I can gain
new parenting tricks- or undo bad parenting habits –through learning and
experience.

With the foster children in my care, my success or
failure as a parent depends on how these children will one day parent children
of their own.

About the author

Greg is n Australian who is a factory worker by day and a writer by night. he an his partner have been caring for foster children for seven years.
His stories on
foster care have been published on the websites Parenting Express and Next
Family.