Had nothing better to do on a 1 and a half hour train journey so started watching Skins. It’s now 5am and I’ve finished the entire first season (…and would absolutely move on to the second if the internet in my current location weren’t so god-forsakenly slow).19 Jan

My mum’s cat is in season and housebound until she can be spayed. In retribution, she spends every night yowling the house down. #freedoooom19 Jan

So I’m reasonably certain my mum’s cats just had sex in my bed…while I was in it. Inadvertent threesome? #goodthinghehasnotesticles19 Jan

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, Tom Hardy as Bane. And suddenly I’m a whole lot less excited about the next Batman movie.21 Jan

(Though I will admit that Anne Hathaway as a person has grown inestimably in my opinion after seeing this.)

Started Skins season 1 on a train this week and – rather appropriately – just finished season 2 on the return trip. Glasgow, ただ今。

p.s. why was Maxxie never given a (sole) self-titled episode? Didn’t they realise Mitch Hewer was 70% of the reason I started watching?21 Jan

Skins diaries: “This video contains content from Channel 4, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.” And by my country you mean the UK? #wtf22 Jan

You know a Nightmare on Elm Street movie is doing a shit job when you actively want to fall asleep. #FreddyFail23 Jan

Black Swan was amazing, which totally made up for the fact that we had to wait in a line that ran all the way outside the cinema, behind a guy who clearly hadn’t bathed in days. Natalie Portman FT(Oscar)W!29 Jan

Just noticed that the basket in our bathroom is subliminally Jewish. #oyvey29 Jan

Second cinema trip (and Best Picture nominee) in as many days. This time: 127 Hours. Absolutely agonising to watch at parts, but that’s sort of the point. The guy sitting next to me gnawing on his fucking fingernails did, however, make me wish he was the one with his arm trapped under a boulder.29 Jan

En route to Glasgow. I really need to use the bathroom but I can’t be bothered putting my boots back on. Fetch me my train slippers!12 Feb

Just completed our mammoth Will & Grace-athon: first time I’ve seen all 8 years of the show. When I grow up, I want to be Karen Walker.14 Feb

Alf has finally learned to use his litter box…at the tender age of 2 and a half. Here’s to never cleaning up cat shit again! (Oh happy days.)

…and ok so he completely ignores the automatic, self-cleaning one we spent £93 on but honestly? Not complaining.16 Feb

Every time I see that photo of the bird’s head soup Lindsay and I inadvertently ordered in Beijing, a piece of me dies inside.16 Feb

Um, Lindsay’s future son? You can practically hear his broken father flicking the light switch at the end.18 Feb

So I went a record 2 weeks in a healthy sleeping pattern before my body decided, one unassuming Saturday, that I needed 14 hours’ sleep. z_z19 Feb

It’s weird: I’ve gone back and played some old PS2 and GameCube games recently, and it’s not the graphics that give away their age but the fact that the controllers are still connected to the console with wires! How primitive.19 Feb

Desperately wanted to believe I was seeing things but no: it’s snowing in Glasgow. My plans of not leaving the house all day are ruined.21 Feb

Let me first categorically state that over the years I’ve seen some sick shit on the internet and for the most part been relatively unfazed…which is why no one was more surprised than I was when I tried watching 1 Guy 1 Jar and found that if I didn’t turn it off, I was actually going to be sick. I don’t know if it was that I genuinely didn’t know what to expect or the accompanying sound effects, but I have never, NE.VER., been made to feel physically ill simply by watching something.26 Feb

omg buying groceries online has never been easier slash lazier. There’s an option to repeat my last order. I don’t even have to choose food!27 Feb

Is it awful that the first text I sent out this morning was one of elation that Natalie Portman finally won an Oscar?28 Feb

I like the Born This Way video so much more than the single. It’s like some demented outtake from Barbarella. Also: her bod is bangin’. (I especially enjoyed the scene where Gaga’s painted like Zombie Boy, Rick Genest…whilst standing beside Rick Genest.)28 Feb

Couldn’t understand why the supermarket delivery guy kept addressing me as “doctor” until I realised I was wearing John’s scrubs as pyjamas.28 Feb

Love me some filthy 4-way, ex-JET reunions!
…even if Lindsay did have a really important nap to be getting on with.1 Mar

(And to think: just 3 months later, this was a sexy reality! Though sadly as a threeway rather than a foursome.)

Tax Office: “Dear Mr. Liddell, here are the myriad reasons we were justified in stealing your money p.s. we fucked up have a £300 refund.”
VICTORY! \o/ & it only took seven. fucking. MONTHS. for them to come to that conclusion. This is the same parcel fiasco from when I left Japan. 😐1 Mar

John wanted to see Six Feet Under, so just re-watched the entire series. Thought I might keep it together for the finale this time round but instead, I just cried inappropriately early because I knew what was coming. Still the most achingly beautiful, perfect ending to any TV show I’ve ever seen.
Everything. Everyone. Everywhere. Ends.14 Mar

I truly thought Rebecca Black was a joke – like those literal music videos? “Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday…comes afterwaaaards.”14 Mar

I can’t believe someone had the audacity to remove what must surely have been the record-holder for most disliked video on all of YouTube? In either event, you can still see Ms. Black in all her glory right here.

One benefit of finally having moved my shit from Dundee to Glasgow: I’ll stop trying to buy DVDs I apparently already own.17 Mar

Shout out to my girl, Rebecca Black. Yesterday was Thursday (Thursday), today it is Friday (Friday), we we we so excited (partyiiiing) we so excited, we gonna have a ball today. Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwaaaaarrrrdds. I don’t want this weekend to eeeeeeeeeeeeennnd.(Friday) 18 Mar

‘After reading one fan’s comment of ‘Forget Bieber fever, I have the Black Plague’, Black tweeted that the comparison “made my day”.’
Oh god, what an absolute abortion of self-awareness.18 Mar

Tyra Banks taught us to smile with our eyes. Now, with Rebecca Black’s help, you can also sing with your nose.20 Mar

Uncyclopedia: “It can only be assumed that if Rebecca Black decided to ride the bus that she would have a mental breakdown because of all the available seats.”20 Mar

Delivering a decisive blow in his war against baths, Alf has taken the plug in his jaws and hidden it somewhere around the house. 😐21 Mar

Attending an engagement party and wondering whether I should change Colin’s personalised ringtone to something other than ‘Friday’…3 Apr

Just emerged from an Indian food coma.3 Apr

Sadia’s engagement party. Forever gaijin.3 Apr

Inhaling helium balloons: it’s all fun and games ’til someone ends up with a headache from oxygen depletion. And by someone, I mean me.4 Apr

When a film is described by its own writer as “a camp sexploitation horror musical that ends in a quadruple murder & a triple wedding”, you know you’re in for a good time. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: I will drink the black sperm of your vengeance any day.5 Apr

Listening to the new Britney album. My favourite moment so far: when she relapses into her old British accent on How I Roll. “Helicoptuh in the skoi!”6 Apr

Love me some illicit international calls where neither participant is footing the bill…8 Apr

“Movie night” a.k.a. John seeking any excuse to order Domino’s. (Did we even get round to watching a film?!)10 Apr

Alf is sitting by the window, waiting for John to come home. Ragdolls really are dogs in cats’ clothing.11 Apr

Dear workmen: you’re making it impossible for me to walk around naked in my own home.
Sincerely,
Mx12 Apr

Walking the streets of Glasgow at nght with £300 in cash. I’ve never felt safer.12 Apr

Rebecca Black…Swan! As with the original, 2:04 onwards is gold. #whenwillItireofthis?

13 Apr

I’m ruling out the possibility of having lost a stone (14lbs) in 1 week, so either these new scales are wrong or the ones in the store were. (Yes, I realised too late that glass surfaces are reflective.)13 Apr

Won’t someone please put me out of my misery and teach me how to use wordpress? I’ve never felt so computer illiterate.14 Apr

Read comment on Flickr applauding some “good HDR!” Surely an oxymoron, unless what they meant to type was “good god, please stop using HDR”?14 Apr

Ever since JET, I’ve become hyper-aware of Canadian vs. American accents. We were watching the old V and as soon as Michael Ironside said “out”, I knew.14 Apr

Never say no to a panda.14 Apr

You know, I always thought The Secret was a load of bullshit but after seeing those seagulls crap on Jay Manuel in last night’s ANTM, I’m not so sure.15 Apr

Tragic that @RichJuz stopped recapping ANTM during one of its dullest cycles. It seems the only reason I watch now is for Jay Manuel scat porn.15 Apr

I was concerned that the mole on my face was growing and changing shape. You can imagine my relief, then, to discover that it’s just a giant disfiguring zit sitting right on top it. (This picture really doesn’t do justice to how 3-dimensional this thing is.)15 Apr

Antidote to the godawful music my upstairs neighbour is playing: new Gaga track was rush-released today!!! #Judas15 Apr

Has there ever been another song containing the phrase “ear condom”?15 Apr

The more I listen to it, the more it sounds like Bad Romance? “Ju-DAHS, Judah-ah-ah…want your bad romance.”15 Apr

If I were to consolidate the 8,000 times per day I check Facebook, Twitter and Gmail…I’d probably have an extra day.15 Apr

I got so tired of waiting for someone to use the mystery tea bag that’s been sitting in the cupboard for months that I finally drank it myself. I think it’s Earl Grey. Or possibly pepper. It’s hard to tell at this point.15 Apr

Every time the construction workers outside strike metal it sounds exactly like my BlackBerry messenger. I’ve checked my phone about 40 times in the last hour.20 Apr

Has anyone else seen Eagle vs. Shark? It’s sort of like New Zealand’s answer to Napoleon Dynamite.

“You’re a bitch and you’re going to die of diabetes.”21 Apr

Every time I watch Dollhouse, I’m freshly outraged that it was cancelled whilst 800 versions of CSI & the Real Housewives of Fucking Everywhere are allowed to continue. (However – thanks to the director’s commentaries – I do now know how to pronounce Dichen Lachman’s name.)21 Apr

That moment when you combine your film collections and realise the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with owns Twilight. 😐22 Apr

Kara@liddellmark Love means never having to say “I’m sorry I own a copy of Twilight.”22 Apr

How did I not know that the new season of United States of Tara started a month ago?! That said: I now have 4 whole episodes to watch. 😀22 Apr

Hahaha, I just found the staff photo from the year Naomi and I wore the same outfit. AWKwaaaaaard!22 Apr

I’ll get you, my pretty…and your little dog, too!22 Apr

I suppose this was inevitable… #yesIrealiseitstechnicallySaturday23 Apr

Why does a motorway need antennae…? (Yes, I’m aware that the plural is antennas.)14 May

Better still: they turned out to be lamp posts, which now flood our living room in perpetual daylight.

I feel like the only people who could actually enjoy Scott Pilgrim are the hipster-scene-generation-MySpace kids who post pictures of retro video games to their Tumblr accounts that they’ve never even played? The only thing it did successfully was make me feel old.16 May

“Welcome Back programme for all PSN users will include free games to download and a month’s free subscription to PlayStation®Plus.” Here’s hoping they’re hacked more often! 😀16 May

The selection turned out to be a little limited, but playing through Streets of Rage 2 again with Colin made the whole thing worthwhile.

Glossing over how I came across it (clearly in error given the subject matter): “Slap my titties like I stole your bicycle on Christmas morning and fucked your wife” is, perhaps, the funniest line I’ve ever heard in porn. Nay, ever heard.18 May

(I’d provide a link but LiveJournal apparently has an in-built porn blocker!)

Just used Aussie Colour Care conditioner for the first time in 9 years and had the most distinct memory of my friend, Aimee, telling me during a fire alarm that that my hair smelled girlier than hers did! haha18 May

I can’t stop laughing at Down’s Syndrome Tiger. This is simultaneously the funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever seen. (He’s so adorable!)20 May

So I’m watching the video for Robyn’s ‘Call Your Girlfriend’, and can’t help but notice that we have near-identical haircuts?

9 Jun

There’s a man outside our house with a sheet of paper, exploring every square inch of the grounds. I don’t know whether to alert the authorities or join in the treasure hunt.10 Jun

Just saw X-Men: First Class and went into hysterics during Beast’s big “reveal”. He looked like the fucking Honey Monster! #SugarPuffs10 Jun

The song might suck, but I’m loving the extended cameo of the Queen of Friday herself in Katy Perry’s new video. I especially enjoyed the extended cut, featuring Darren Criss! (And, of course, Corey Feldman as her dad.)
“Rebecca Black is a nice girl.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she would have started this, honey…”12 Jun

Taking a page from the book of Minnelli: It’s Liddell with an ‘ell’, not Liddle with an ‘le’, ‘cuz Liddle with an ‘le’ goes “əll” not “ell”.12 Jun

This following: “Can you state your full name for me please?” “Sure, it’s Mark Liddell.” “Thank you, Mr. Liddle, how can I help?” WHYGODWHY?12 Jun

I figured an extra 40 coat hangers would be enough to migrate all of my clothes to the wardrobe. Aaaand I was wrong.21 Jun

Wandering the streets of Glasgow with a sack full of coat hangers. I look like a portable abortion clinic.21 Jun

Just as Lindsay and I had been talking about visiting, I found these plastered all over the underground. Clearly, it’s a sign. Start packing, Tsuji!23 Jun

I was about to smash open a bottle of umeshu to get the alcohol-soaked plums out of the bottom before realising that I could just unscrew the lid. I’m basically a neanderthal.

“Or alcoholic,” John added.23 Jun

I haven’t been able to find my favourite tank since London. Equal parts gay and true.24 Jun

Out for coffee in Princes Square. Desmond from Lost is here! #PENNAY!25 Jun

Alf on the lookout for our return. He waits ’til we walk in the gate then runs to the front door.25 Jun

Cat naps.27 Jun

So my mum just informed me that they’re filming parts of the next Batman movie in Glasgow!27 Jun

Clearly someone was feeling very mature with the fruit bowl this morning. #5-a-day28 Jun

Moving onto the second (at-home) part of my Pearlys bleaching treatment. The only thing it’s doing with any real success is making me excessively salivate.29 Jun

Kitty massage!

29 Jun

Courtesy of Colin. This is, like, 90% of the girls I went to St Andrews with.

29 Jun

Where can a person buy baby-sized party hats in Glasgow? My…um, friend was wondering.3 Jul

America’s not the only one celebrating a birthday today: please extend your wishes to Alf, who just turned three!
Two was a big year for him: he gained an extra parent, went outdoors for the first (and, he hopes, last) time and finally mastered the art of shitting in a box. ♥
#Bornonthe4thofJuly4 Jul

Epic, 6-hour Skype date with Mihoko! ♥5 Jul

My mum sent Alf a birthday card, addressed to her grandson.

…and this is why I’m a crazy cat lady. 😐5 Jul

(It’s true though. I am – at any given moment – two drinks away from this.)

Department of Redundancy Department.6 Jul

Yesssss! I knewthis would happen for the 50th anniversary. ♥
My only hope is that she doesn’t suffer the same fate as Janet Leigh on the Psycho blu-ray. But for the advent of HD, that over-concealed blemish on her chin would have gone forever unnoticed.6 Jul

Further proof that Natalie Portman and I are one soul: she named her first-born son Alf! Ok, Alef. Or possibly Aleph. Either way though.7 Jul

Wow, so much fail this week. The cautionary label on John’s new pair of shoes. (Geez, I hope I can avoid kicking myself in the face?)7 Jul