This is where I blog about life, love and grief. I have three children, one who watches over me from the skies, and two who have brought much joy to my life after a very dark time. I write about everything from birth to cooking to babies to grief to Jesus.

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Welcome to my little corner of the world. I'm a stay at home mama to three babies: Bennett and Ainsleigh live with us, and Charlotte lives with Jesus. This is where I write about my life and loves. For more information click on my picture or the 'about me' tab. Or contact me at littlebird0514@gmail.com.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Some words

I wrote out a post, went to publish it, and deleted the entire thing. Somehow it didn't save as I was typing it. Frustrated. And taking it as a sign to go in a different direction.

Are you tired of me yet? I certainly am.

Every night I feel the urge to sit down and write out how I'm feeling. It won't remove the pain, but it lessens the sting a bit. I may be repeating myself, in fact I'm sure I am, but I need these words on this page. I need to say over and over, I'm sad, I'm lost, it hurts, I miss her.

So. I'm sad. I'm lost. It hurts. I miss her.

I'm exhausted, worn out, wrung out.

I am angry. Upset by the unfairness.

And I'm tired of listening to my words and living in my head.

This is what I really want to say tonight:

Charlotte,

"Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle.Everything I do is stitched with its color."

W. S. Merwin - Separation

I have some things to do tomorrow and then I am staying in bed for the rest of the week. It's all too much right now.

8 comments:

that's a beautiful quote. my boss's daughter died when she was 7, and they had notecards printed with her picture on the front and the quote, "The presence of her absence is everywhere." that's always touched me, but it means so much more since losing kenny.

I'm just so, so sorry for your hurt. I feel like a broken record sometimes because those words just don't really convey the sentiment--there's just no way they really can get that depth over, so sometimes I just say a silent little prayer.

Today, I just wanted you to know that I truly, truly am sorry that your heart aches.