Pages

About Me

Welcome! I’m an actress and blogger who lives in Los Angeles. I’ve accepted my fate that I have to chase my dreams (and document that ish along the way!) I give you my stories with all the luv and all the kiwi a gal can muster.

google it!

someone took my birthday camera over the weekend and i swear it was the worst weekend...i tend to name the things i love in life...my ipod, my cam, my car...i appreciate the gifts that are given to me....so what if they're tangible items that can come and go. i give them names because they mean something to me. so this week i'm a little bummed that someone took my memory maker. just another weird quirk i guess i have but it's me nonetheless.

i think we learn lessons from all this stuff and come out the wiser but man the process itself sucks.

i just had a moment where i know one action forked my life in a new direction and now i'm doing all this stuff different because of that little butterfly ripple. poo on that.

i'm going to huntington beach tonight to hang with my cousin and her hubby. it's her birthday. nothing like some taurus action to spruce up a balmy friday evening. hanging with the beauty and the kiwi has never been a bad call. gotta love fam.

the rest of the weekend's a big question mark but a good one. a chapter of my life has hopefully officially been closed. it's time to celebrate...who's got the champagne?!

i'm scared. i think i've found out that boys and girls really are different and they're kinda mean and i'm scared of them now. all of them. i hope it's not permanent.

i just looked up the definition of 'man' on dictionary.com lol...so many positive defintions linked to the gender. hmph.

i'm really trying to keep this blog from being one of my over dramatic rants and i'm failing miserably. short, sweet, simple...i'm just scared. i don't know if it's a good idea to make a boy happy that's made other girls cry. i don't know if it's a good idea to ever stick your neck out there. i don't know if i should communicate with 'em at all cuz even some of my guy friends have shocked me lately with their antics...heartless mindless. ugh. it's so weird that i can be so happy and cool with life and then have this dark little emotion in the corner of my brain. it's producing some GREAT poetry let me tell you....i haven't written in years...probably since college but my pen is forever moving as of recent.

i just had one of those days where you know it's just gonna be great from the moment you wake up. i have this little bounce in my step that is quite delightful i must say. it's national admin appreciation day. i'm the slave (i refer to myself as kunta specifically) of my department and most days this irks me to no end...doing brainless tasks day in and day out can wear a sister down but days like today...sigh. my whole department got together and wrote me the sweetest cards. i never knew i had such an impact on putting folks in a good mood. goofiness apparently rubs off. it was lovely to be appreciated. i accepted the holiday with open arms...the bosses took me out for lunch...i got lots of goody gifts...life's sweet. i came home and immediately fed oscar some new music. "three versions of my favorite song "wild horses", a root's album i love more than life itself "things fall apart" and some nina simone...music for the soul.

it's also one of those good kinda days where going home and chillin by the computer just won't cut it. i'm about to start getting ready for a date i have with a very special someone. (hee hee)

.i'm going to see some carnival dancing...hopefully i get in some good copeira because it's beautiful and i've never seen it in person. i've got some green on, i've finished some gifts for people at the jobby job, i'm all set.

life's grand...even if i put on my shoes too early and messed up my darn toes. it's just one of those kind of days : )

i sat up with a friend last night and told him the story of how i met my first love...i love telling that story. it's a good one. i remember when i met him the song "so this is love" from the disney movie, "cinderella" kept looping thru my head... in honor of first loves i'm playing that song tonight.

if you're ever in pain over a relationship gone wrong just allow yourself to think about the moment you met your first love (whether it be the person bringing you pain currently or not)...ya can't help but smile.

when i was young my favorite quote was "smile and the world will smile back".

when i found myself my favorite quote was "Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly"

when i was in love i quoted, "i love myself when i am smiling"

now i'm pretty partial to mr. pope. words find you at just the right moment.

i just got back from a script reading at my good ole pal bree's place. as always i left with a little bounce in my step. it's good to be around zany artistic lads and ladies trying to do the same thing...plus i love seeing my friends immersed in what they do best. her screenplay is amazing i must say along with the short film she directed based off of her current screenplay: friends in their creative element.

i currently have a spider on my ceiling...i'm reminded of a time in high school where i totally whigged out over a spider on the ceiling. i'm freakin out just a tiny bit...to the point where my cell phone is ringing and i refuse to go get it cuz the spider is right above it...ok my roomie just killed it for me valliantly. sigh...i'm breathing again. hmph.

so yeah that was my sunday evening...quotes and readings. it's all i need right now.

i love seeing the little things in a person's car or home that tell a story about the type of person they are. at one point we were all little runts whose momma's took care of us and then we developed a sense of self and started gathering things in our lives to help us live the good life.

you can call me weird but i love looking for such things. there's something endearing about seeing my buddy boy's retainer in his bathroom and he's a grown A man, seeing my best friend's choice of art work, the fact that she always has the best smelling face soap and shampoo in the world...clean cars vs. the cool ones that have been lived in (i am anal and keep nothing in mine--i'm borring that way)

i like being in people's elements. i think that's what attracts me to people more than anything. my boy told me last night i really have no sense of taste when picking mates based on their looks and i think he's right in a sense. lol personally the men i like I think are hotty patotties but that's nothing for me unless i connect to one of their little details...it's like little crystal balls that show you what type of person you're dealing with.

yesterday was a fun night. i went and watched a good flick with my buddy at the grove and we got pinkberry which i must say is way better in the land of plenty (i.e. the posh hollywood district) creamy sweet goodness mixed with scrumptious yummy fruit. mmmm. the boy knows the way to my happy place that's for dang skippy.we saw "fracture". it was good as the reviews say. i definitely recommend it to the movie buffs out there that love a good mental brain teaser.

one thing though..the movie started at 11:05...which means i wasn't in bed until oh so late. hmph. i woke up at 9:30 this morning craving tv and applejacks so i got up but now it's naptime. : ) i heart saturday mornings!

mr. texas left today. he was supposed to stay until next week but his job called him back and because of that silly job i've gone thru THE worst highs and lows this week. it all started out with a big pink elephant in the room.

mr. texas and i never really layed it out there as to why he was visiting, what it meant for 'us'...if an 'us' could even be...etc. so the first couple of days were a little awkward but for the most part fun as heck. we caught up...giggled, hung at cool spots, did whatever and then the day we found out he had to leave all the ish hit the fan...i witnessed behavior in him that confused and hurt the crap out of me and i let it all out...my feelings (the good, the bad and the ugly) and i sat there, sadly not the first time, and waited for explanations and truths to come that never did. believe it or not we were able to define some things and agree on friendship. because of that, we were able to really enjoy each other's company his last night here and for the first time i was reminded of why the boy was my first love.

we went to the 'naughty' sushi restaurant i've mentioned before and grubbed like worms, drove down sunset, into hollywood, cruised los angeles and then came home, put on our pj's and watched 300 (don't ask!) while drinking up the remainder of the alcohol we had purchased for extended drinking thru out the 10 days he was supposed to be here..needless to say he was a little giggly by the end of the night. the movie ended. we said good night and went to bed. i woke up the next morning, got ready for work and kissed his sleepy behind goodbye...and cried my little heart out all the way to work.

have i mentioned that i have this horrible 'don't leave me' issue that i can't seem to get a hold on? i can't stand the end of vacations, the end of guest stays, the end of breakups...i hate that moment where i'm reminded that i'm a lonely ole chick. i didn't even want to come home today...i knew that just seeing the empty spots where all his suitcases used to be would send me on another crying spree...and it did. it really is that hard to say goodbye.

not only that but a boss of mine held a meeting today to let the staff know she'd be leaving us...goodbye number 2 in the same day? um...nope. that's it...i cried all day at work...big globby tears and all the way home.

i have problems with change apparently too.

so this weekend will be me trying to get my heart and head back together again. my friends are so wonderful and supportive. ugh...i'm crying again! what's up with this? it confuses the heck out of me that's for sure. i know this man has a lot to work on and frickin so do i...we may not even be right for each other...we definitely aren't ready for each other now so WHY can't i just get on with the fact that i'm doing my thing, he's doing his thing and that's it?! i'm so hungry but every time i go in the kitchen i see the birthday cake i made for him and i lose all appetite. i just want him to come back and hang with me. sniff.

i'm just a mess. plain and simple. why do i always have to say goodbye to the people i care most about in this world?

mr. texas is here and we've been EVERYWHERE....when i say i've never wanted to go back to work and be normal so much in my entire life...lol. am i getting old? is this a sign of defeat? i don't know folks but it's never good to want to go back to the place that sucks my will to live..

i'm learning so much about myself just by hanging with someone that knew me back in the day...i'm no longer that naive innocent young girl...but i like the person i've become. more on that later.

for the time being though...i'm tired and i'm resting. i'm thinking tonight is taco bell night....mmm yummy goodness....some things never change.

so the other day i stayed out entirely too late trying to cheer a good friend up. he's having some love whoas and good ole me, i always think i can help for some reason.

so he talked and i listened and i swear all the stuff he was talking about applied to all the things i'm currently going thru-relationship wise-in my life.

do you know how terrible unrequited love is? to know that the person you love you can never have because they don't love you and treated you like crap so it's rather irrational to even harbor feelings for them in the first place? people act like love is a choice but i'm living proof that the frickin hell i'm in isn't a decision i made intentionally. i don't say all the things that go thru my head or tell my favorite peoples the times where i think of him, what i think about...they're brilliant wise ladies...they know it's silly...i know they know this.

if my friend was looking for some profound something or another from me he didn't find it...the teacher became the student a little too soon for that.

now i have mr. texas here and the confusion just gets worse and worse. boys in general--i don't know how to act anymore. is that weird? i just turn into this goofy weird version of myself...my lovely facade....when is this going to go away?!

i'm just so screwed up in the head....

today i'm taking the boy to santa monica--this lovely beach/shopping area for a day of lazy good fun. i'm trying to just enjoy his presence. he's the dude that i can seriously be like, "ah do you remember the talent show we were both in when i was in 2nd grade and you in the 4th?"...yeah, we both went to the same elementary school. he knows my roots which is cool cuz most dudes don't give a rat's behind about seeing where you grew up and what made you the person you are today....this removes a step : ) plus we laugh....always a plus for a good house guest.

one great thing...it's friday the 13th!!!! hot dog...my favorite days by far being i was born on one. : ) enjoy friends.

freud time--who gets to be captain obvious expert for this dream?

i had this dream where someone was offering to give me their version of my car, but with all the bells and whistles, low mileage , etc. and i didn't want it..i wanted my old and familiar...and i was torn up inside because i knew this car was freaking better, but i still wanted mine...something i knew the ins and outs of no matter how much trouble it gives me. swear this was a real dream...

a dear friend sent me a message yesterday that i have to share: (i have given my girl the heads up in case you were wondering...eye brow raisers..i tell you what)

KUMARI:

Girl so I just got back from South Africa and I have a story to tell you.

So this trip was amazing! We went down (Ephrat and I) to Cape Town, South Africa for our first Dance for PEace festival.

We were down there teaching hiphop classes. We taught over 1500 kids in total. WE were able to connect with an amazing group of kids from Sea Point High school. They were a bunch of kids from various townships. They had so much energy!!!! They just loved us and pushed us that much harder!!

Some of the kids had parents who had passed from AIDS and some of them were inflicted themselves!!! But that didn't stop them and you couldn't tell who was who.

We taught in so many different schools and dance groups and so on....but one thing remanded the same. Every place we went to....each group was composed of one race. White, Black or Colored! That was it. One thing we learned (Ephrat and I) was that Aparthied had ended but it was still prevailant in everyday life!

We went to the Slave Lodge. Which is a museum but, back in the day it was a slave wharehouse for the Dutch trading.

But slaves in SA were not the indigenous Zulu, Xhosa, Sutu or Inxhosi! The slaves were imported from India, Indonesia, MIcronesia, The Philipines and East Africa!

So the colored race present today in SA are descendants from the slaves mixing from the slave trade! Crazy anyway back to my story.

There was an American Segregation exhibit in one wing of the slave lodge. SO Ephrat and I ewnt for a gander! Girl!! Tell me why I learned more from that exhibit than any history course when I was in school!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw more pictures, faces, stories, personal accounts....than I had ever seen! Not just black stories but MExican and Native stories as well. LA has a big civil rights history too chica!!

Girl I was crying walking through. They tired segregation into Aparthied for all the South Africans who strolled through. It was the most amazing composition of information from the Civil Rights era that I had ever experienced! The whole thing culminating with MLK's I have a Dream speech being lopped on the tv at the end of the exhibit!!!!

Ephrat and i were both a mess! Huge Tears! But it was so good to see over and over and over! It just put humanity back into perspective! Race relations, color complexes, hatred, freedom, celebration, reconciliation, forgiveness!

Girl I thought you, my revolutionary petunia, would appreciate this experience! You of all my friends would get a lot out of a visit to South Africa!!!

Every one of my friends and their families had something to do with the Aparthied movement. My home girl Tracy (she is on my top friends) marched with the ANC and NElson MAndela when she was 10! She was almost put in prison at 10!!!!! Yo you would love her!! She is a spit fire! She defends her beliefs of freedom and South Africa!!!! You should hit her up!

So our trip was amazing! There were so many things that have yet again changed my life but that is just one i wanted to share with you!

Dance for PEace....just the name alone serves a purpose!!! WE brought peace with our dancing. And we learned what we can do for the next festival to bring even more peace and unity amongst the youth of SA!

I hope you dig this letter chica! You taught me a lot in the short two days I was with you two years ago! My journey of self love as a mixed child since then has been amazing. But you were definitely the main motivator of that portion of self discovery! I just wrote it off the top of my head. Haven't proof read it! But you can get what was said.

Love you and miss you

Mari

there's a moment where the teacher becomes the student and that's all fine and dandy. i get and respect it, but i feel like ever since i've moved out to los angeles i've been a perpetual student...my ability to share and teach has kinda dwindled. i don't know if it's the culture shock, silly boy problems, me....i don't know but i feel as though i'm losing some serious brain cells in relation to my ability to think, process and retain. i was attempting to read salon.com today and failing miserably. i haven't even really advised friends like i used to. have i lost my edge?

salon.com, which at one point served as a good source of entertainment, has become kinda boring...what's happening to me?! i don't read the news, i hardly read period...i can't even hardly blog anymore....luckily this beautiful friend of mine sent me something that stirred the brain juices a little. what causes mental laziness and does anyone know how much it truly sucks? ignorance is not bliss. i need to go back to school!

until that time i think i'm gonna pay attention to my brilliant and worldly friends....(and yes, i hit up her friend)

the notion of socratic ignorance states that a wise person will admit they don't really know ish about anything...i need some schools of thought to permeate my brain so i can shake this mess. don't get it twisted. i still find relationship drama and so forth stimulating (hee hee)...i just can't let it overshadow everything else in my crazy lil life.

i just spent the day with my buddy e and her family who crazy enough, are very VERY similar to my own family. being out here in los angeles away from my peoples can get hard from time to time...holidays are the worst so it was great to sit at a dinner table with folks that feel like home.

ham, beans, potato salad....tishy was a grubbin' foo! afterwards e and i took our bloated bellies to a room and vegged out while watching tv. that's my kinda easter sunday...napping with the sounds of sports coming from the other rooms. life doesn't get any better. e, my beautiful sista, thanks for inviting me to spend the day with your fam. if you allowed hugs i'd totally clobber you!

even before din din this was a good sunday. for some reason i've been sleeping really crappy like (billie madison voice) so this morning i just layed there for an hour after i woke up and chilled in bed. then i had some of my sugary goodness cereal and watched cartoons...then i did some laundry...my kinda morning.

days like today remind me how important the little things are. how important family is and how important calling walgreens the day before is...i'll be staying up late waiting for a prescription to be ready....it's aight though cuz i have a lot of good stuff to reflect on.

a lot of my buds now have children and so the baby question comes up quite often..."when are you gonna have kids tish" but i really don't know if i have the baby gene...maybe the "auntie gene"..."honorary big sis gene"...definitely have the cursing gene which makes me think maybe not so much the baby gene. hee hee...i do enjoy spending time with the little mini squirts that belong to my loved ones.

i just spent the day with one of the most interesting kids i've ever met in my life....b's three year prodigy child. this is seriously the only person that is allowed to touch me with his tiny little pinching toes. he's adorable as all get out and gives me a run for my money in the entertaining folks category. today i was laying on the bed with him and he was being all sweet and cute as his mom showered...playing with my hair and trying to get me to wake up from my fake sleep...all of a sudden his mom comes out--he acts like he's gotta be hard--stands up, puts his back to me, turns his head towards me, looks at me-serious as a heart attack and poots in my face. lol!!!!!!!! yes...i've had the best chill saturday. lol...filled with little pooter stories. we watched "how to eat fried worms" which is a really good movie i must say. b and i took him to starbucks and we sipped our drinks as mr. big mouth screamed his little head off, scaring the cute little old men sitting beside us and did our thang. imagine cuba gooding jr's son in "jerry mcguire" and you've gotten a small taste of my little homie.

it was inevitable that a blog would be dedicated to his little behind. surprised it took this long. a day is never wasted in his presence. i heart the little spiderman loving, pootin' head, genius, momma's boy. (still don't have the baby gene though!)

well there had to be another blog after that beautiful rant i just went on cuz if i don't talk the ish out my head will spin 360 degrees and good ole roommate will flip out and wanna move away and i'll never find an apartment this frickin wonderful and it just wouldn't be coo....wouldn't gel.

i'm seriously flabbergasted how someone can get under my skin so much...as you know the people in my life have been given nicknames (lol...some subtle, some not so much) to protect their 'innocence'...one such person has been named voldemort because he's pure evil and we must never mention his name (smiles) and then there's his fat accomplice in the movie and in real life (lay off the beer) who poses as ronald's rat....wormtail...thus a new nickname (which was used in the previous email) was born. ironically i've heard he has a wormtail...hee hee...k i'm done being ugly i PROMISE!

do any of you laugh at me when i'm pollyanna trippin? i mean my highs are great and dandy but are you secretly waiting for me to flip my script? lol...i've calmed down. i've spoken to two of my homegirls who have made me laugh and put things back in perspective but man...a picture's worth a thousand words.

it's not about validation...i know who i am. it's not about revenge, it's not about wanting him back...it's something i have no words for. something that i don't feel was finished...seen...heard...perceived...received...acknowledged correctly maybe? i don't know....but dang the beatles sound beautiful right now

warning: this is not one of my happy go lucky 'i love the world' moments...

dude my girl came up with that clever name today and it's swellrific. every girl needs a sanity sister to keep the damn perspective...like for instance, right now i just saw a picture of someone that makes me frickin livid as heck and i had to text one of my sanity sisters to calm my butt down...five steps forward, dumb boys and take 10 steps back...

na eff all of this!!! i had my good days i can have a damn bad day! i'm so sick of dogs...damn tired. wormtail can go screw himself...b if you ever hang with that trifling dude i swear i'll throw up in my mouth lol...i swear it!

is it better or worse when your ex starts dating a girl that looks like booty?

i'm not a big blogger of pop culture, what's new in the world, yadda yadda, but when i jump on an artists' band wagon, i leap and bound!!! j introduced me to yet another life favorite...yes, i'm putting amy winehouse in that category because she's refreshingly new for a gal like me. when i say i've never experienced something so open and raw, honest and beautiful...the lyrics have a dark hard edge but for some reason it doesn't come off as offensive...rather addicting actually AND for the first time i'm able to fully relate to a damn song...she puts it out there in ways not even my own brain can...i can't even be this honest in my personal journal...she put my feelings straight out there...man i love friends!!! without them i'd be a very dull person void of honest lady singers who make a girl feel better.

do you ever just have uber goofy days where you can't help but skip, not walk, laugh not talk? i love myself when i am laughing (zora neale hurston)

there are a couple of things that can just put a sister in the best of moods...

1. d'angelo's "spanish joint"

2. waking up to the oh-so-sweet sounds of my boy neighbor belting out celine dion tunes

3. talking to my main man mateo about old school fav's...al b. sure i love you!

4. my pink girlie skirt which i wore today. i twirled twice.

5. my little cute friend from belize in my office. she said there are over 40 kinds of mangos in belize and so to be a cutie she placed one kind i've never even seen before on my desk. i'm going to eat it for breakfast tomorrow.

6. "the incredibles" string cheese. there's just something uncanny about cheese you can pull off in pieces and the incredibles jokes are a knee slapper i say!

7. 2pac lyrics....and texting those wonderful thangs to my best friend as she sits at her fiance's father's political election results party." is you sick from the..."

8. out of town guests. i get to clean clean clean and plan plan plan. we're gonna go to the arc, dinner with friends, burbank, pasadena, eagle rock, santa monica pier...it's gonna ROCK. april 12th couldn't get here any sooner!

9. my cleaning lady who seriously cleans better than i do...amazing.

10. new books!!! i finished _meridian_ and now i'm working on a book my jen gave me called _what comes after crazy_. i also found this really great book about relationships at barnes. dude i'm usually not into these types of books but it's great writing from what i've gathered so far...plus i believe books and knowledge have a way of finding the person...i needed the info like i don't even know what...and there it twas. :)

so yeah. it was a cool day...i just woke up knowing i need to enjoy life and what's in front of me. i can't obsess over the things that didn't go my way or what not. focusing on the positive is oh so much better.

can you believe it's almost wednesday already...time flies when you're lovin' life!

today my friend got me to write the phrase "lovin' latisha loves life" talk about some great alliteration! on a roll!

i was on my sunday morning hike with my gal pal e and i came across the funniest thing...a wine bottle, a red cup and a pack of mike's hard lemonade empty...e giggled and said classy. i couldn't help but think about whoever's crazy night out in a valley neighborhood.

it was a good weekend for good times. i bowled and danced my little tail off and had a blast friday night...then saturday rolled around and it was the same all over again. i went and saw "i think i love my wife". a friend told me it was good and honest...it definitely was a man's perspective on the big screen. i saw borat last night too. e and i had a good conversation about shock films such as borat this morning. there's a fine line between entertainment and something that simple shocks and offends. i was told borat would piss me off and that i'd walk out but i was able to see who the actor was really making fun of... i laughed my butt off.

that's not saying there aren't dingle dorks out there that laugh at the wrong ish. a professor friend of mine once said he hated showing certain black films in class...he didn't know if non black students were laughing at us or with us...it's definitely something to ponder but not today on my funny day. : )

i'm watching my acting coach in the movie "the bodyguard" currently lol...it makes me giddy watching her do her thing.

ok i stink. time to get up and enjoy sunday. last night i was down in santa monica watching the game...sorry ucla...hee hee