Happy Friday, Facebook Thinks You're Dead

The week in overwrought post-election metaphors continues today, as what is either some kind of Facebook glitch or a deeply ill-advised marketing rollout is causing many users, presumably to their surprise, to be displayed as dead. Helpful links on their home pages direct dearly departed social media users, assuming that they are ghosts of the type that can still manipulate physical objects in their environment, to learn more about Facebook's "Memorialized Accounts" feature and manage the display of "legacy content." Here, come grapple with the depths of your own mortality, right from your laptop or touchscreen device of choice:

Not all users are affected, though—as of now, I'm okay, so I guess I'm off to Atlanta to search out fellow survivors and whatnot—and it's unclear how Facebook decided who to spare and who to save from the impending Trump Caliphate by sending them along to the Great Facebook in the Sky. So if your worried aunt calls you suddenly because of "something she saw online," reassure her that you're just fine, and that you look forward to arguing loudly and uncomfortably about politics together over Thanksgiving dinner very soon.