notes & essays on daily life with terminal cancer

And a Time for Goodbye

My ten day allocations of living shrunk last week when my team of doctors decided that I was no longer eligible for chemotherapy. Chemotherapy being my only active tool to contain my cancer which seems to be invading more and more of my body. I entered in-home hospice Friday.

I have yet to sing the praises of hospice. The main difference is that I am at home (nice) and that Mike is now a deputized nurse (not so nice.)

I don’t feel good. It hurts to talk (ng tube goes down my throat to extract fluids from my stomach into a cute little bucket.) I have received no actual nutrition since i entered the hospital. Nothing can stay in my stomach with out me throwing up. And nothing can go beyond my stomach. There is no detente in site.

I wont pretend to keep blogging much. I think the above sums up my trajectory. I will soon die. I am not scared but I am truly sad.

Thank you for finding this blog, passing it on. Perhaps it will have a future in another’s hands.

I am not encouraging visitors. I find this a time for quiet reflection.

Much love to all and most especially my care team that formed the night of my diagnosis and has stood by me through it all. And my beloved partner, always – Mike Edera.

Goodbye, marcy

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About marcy westerling

I am a long time community organizer with a passion for justice and founded the Rural Organizing Project in 1992. Derailed by a Stage IV Ovarian Cancer diagnosis in spring 2010, I have stayed in treatment since then. I am learning how to embrace livingly dying and hope that by starting a Phase One immunology clinical trial at UPenn in spring of 2013 I will have more time to find the sweet spots of thriving while terminally ill.

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Marcy- Your honesty, humor and persistence have been an inspiration to me. As a Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer patient I have always looked forward to reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your life and death journey. The life you have lived here on Earth has been important and has inspired more people than you can ever imagine. I am sure your angel wings are waiting!! Peace Kathy U

You have truly been an inspiration to all who have encountered you. We were privileged to meet you at the Hill and to keep in touch with you as we both went through our journeys into treatment and recovery. We are saddened that Marcy’s light is waning, but send waves of love and appreciation your way to help ease the final moments/hours/days. Mike – you have our support and good thoughts as you deal with this final passage.

It saddens me that I have only just found this blog. Marcy you have endured what many will never know. You have faced so many hurdles and achieved so much. Brave beyond belief, may you dwell forever in the arms of your Lord. You are my inspiration to keep going, ovarian cancer is such a pain! Xx Australia xx