Will and Grace s09e08 Episode Script

Friends and Lover

1
Will and Grace is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
D.
O.
C.
- You are way too slow.
- I am not too slow.
- T.
- You just hit T.
Oh, okay, I'll push delete.
That was "clear"! You put Oh, no, no!
Now we have to start all over.
This night is ruined.
Oh, look at the two of you.
Another night of Netflix
and chillingly boring.
Don't mind me, I just need
to pick up a few things.
I'm entertaining a
gaggle of gays across the hall.
I believe the correct term
is a giggle of gays.
Oh, she stands corrected.
Grace, where do you keep
your shame pizza?
- I do not have
- Grace.
Vegetable drawer.
This says pepperoni pizza,
but there's no pepperoni on it.
- Just crop circles with cheese.
- It came that way!
Let's just watch regular TV.
[ANNOYING CHILDREN'S SINGING]
Oh, God, no, not this commercial.
I can't hear this again.
- You're turning it off? Grace?
- Oh!
BOTH: God!
[ANNOYING CHILDREN'S SINGING]
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, God!
All clear.
What's with the big
Winona Ryder over-reaction?
Oh, that song is evil.
Trucks for Tykes,
it just lodges in your brain,
- and haunts you.
- Mm-hm.
Watching TV, hiding from jingles.
This is your life.
Trucks for Tykes, give your
truck to Trucks for Tykes
He's right, isn't he?
When did this happen to us?
Just like, collapsing here
every night, watching TV.
I mean, we used to do stuff.
You know, when we were young.
- Well, we are pushing 50
- I'm pushing nothing.
- Hey, I'm open to new things.
- Oh, and I'm not?
We could still
go out tonight, it's early.
Oh, no, once I've taken
my bra off, it's all over.
No way I'm strapping
that thing back on again.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC]
Thanks for driving me to work, Kar-Bear.
No problem, poodle.
[HUMMING]
What you humming?
Oh that commercial, you know, um
Trucks for Tykes, Trucks for Tykes
Give your truck to Trucks for Tykes
BOTH: You'll help
Tom and Sue and Chuck
So give a darn and give a truck!
Vroom! [LAUGHING]
Wow! That thing really
gets in there, doesn't it?
- I know!
- Whoo!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
BOTH: Trucks for Tykes,
Trucks for Tykes
Give your truck to Trucks for Tykes
You'll help Tom and Sue and Chuck
So give a darn and give a truck!
- Vroom!
- Hurray!
Look at us, taking a class,
open to new things.
See, aren't you glad that
I picked The Art of Bread?
They said there was
a special guest teacher.
I wonder who it is.
I know who it is. Jackson Boudreaux.
- No way!
- From Extreme Bread?
We watch that show all the time!
I make his bread all the time!
I eat his bread all the time!
He's so much more than bread.
He's worldly, and spiritual.
All I know is the episode
where he rolled naked in
bread crumbs sent me to heaven.
There he is. Be cool, be cool.
I am Jackson Boudreaux, and this
Is The Art of Bread.
Bread-making. Love-making.
What's the difference?
Nothing.
We need both, and we knead both.
So manly.
So let's make love, everyone,
by which I mean bread.
And then we'll make love again,
by which I mean more bread.
Now who's horny?
For bread.
Not bad, huh?
Are you making an ashtray?
No, it is a bread bowl, and
you know who will know that?
Jackson Boudreaux.
- Mmm, I love your ashtray.
- Thank you very much.
You've been rough with her. I like it.
I sense you are
a woman of contradictions.
No, I'm not. Oh, wait, oh, I guess I am.
Delightful.
I would like to spend time with you.
- Me?
- I love that as a question.
Just one thing though,
I hate the term "celebrity,"
but I'm a very big one.
When things end up in the tabloids
Oh, I hate gossip more than anyone!
I heard it ruined Ben Affleck's marriage.
You are damaged in the
most beautiful way, aren't you?
I am.
We will be in touch.
Now you go bake that bad girl!
She's not bad. She's just misunderstood.
[PAN CLATTERS]
A noble failure.
Permission to bake.
Mmmm.
That's quite a loaf you've got there.
Thank you.
My challah makes the boys holla.
[LAUGHS]
I love it when my students make jokes.
Well, you've done this before,
haven't you?
Well, I dabble.
You dabble? You are so you, aren't you?
You know, I've always thought so,
but it is so nice to hear
someone else say it.
I got to say, big fan.
You know, it was so cool,
when that one baker
refused to bake the cake
for the gay wedding.
- The way you
- Shhh.
Don't let words get in the way
of what we want to say to each other.
- Um.
- That's right.
- Uh.
- Oh, yeah.
I would like to spend time with you.
I feel the same.
You won't tell anyone, okay?
I don't know anyone.
You slept with Jackson Boudreaux?
I did.
Well, squirt me into a doughnut,
because I am officially jelly.
But I'm surprised, you usually
go for more effeminate men.
Like Grace.
Don't tell anybody,
all right? Especially Grace.
Not a word.
I'm kind of excited, you know?
I feel like I'm being rewarded
for stepping outside of my comfort zone.
Trucks for Tykes, Trucks for Tykes
- What are you doing?
- Oh, sorry, go on.
You know, we're taking
this bread-making class,
and there was just Will you stop it?
I can't!
That song's been stuck
in my head for days!
Well, sing something different.
You don't think I didn't think of that?
That thing swats away other songs
like Lindsey Lohan
swats away second chances.
Did you hear they cancelled "Riverdale"?
What?!
No! Oh, my God!
Archie is our hottest ginger!
This is a disaster!
What do we do, what do we do?
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Relax, I was just trying to scare you
to get the song out of your head.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm free.
I can finally sing other songs again.
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you give a darn
and give a truck?
Damn it!
Trucks for Tykes, Trucks for Tykes
Give your truck to Trucks for Tykes
You'll help Tom and Sue and Chuck
So give a darn and give a truck!
Vroom!
- Can you keep a secret?
- No.
- What if it was important?
- No.
What if it was extremely important?
Nope.
What if our friendship depended on it?
- No.
- Good enough.
I slept with Jackson Boudreaux.
You slept with Jackson Boudreaux?
You, Grace Adler,
slept with Jackson Boudreaux?
[GASPS] Wow.
Now, remind me again, he's your doorman?
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
- Thanks, Will.
- That's not for you.
- Who's it for, then?
- They're both for me.
I drink two cups now.
From two cups.
Morning.
Like the bread, we rise.
Wait, did we have sex last night?
- What?
- No, I had sex
with Will last night.
What?
Were you not aware that I was
sleeping with both of you?
BOTH: What?
What?
You two didn't know about this?
You told me not to tell!
I meant, don't put it on Instagram.
The two of you live together.
What have you been talking
about for the past three days?
- Fine things.
- Shows we watched.
But now that we all know what we know,
we know.
- Sure do.
- I guess that's true.
Good-bye, Will.
I had a lovely night with you.
And Grace?
An equally lovely night
with you, the night before.
We are going to have
an amazing journey together.
- You betcha.
- Yes, indeed.
I bid you adieu.
Well, this is a first.
Yeah.
We did say we wanted to do crazy things.
To, uh, feel young.
Well, sexuality is fluid now.
It's what young people do.
You know what young people don't do?
Is say, "that's what young people do."
BOTH: So give a darn and give a truck
Vroom.
Honey, I haven't slept for days.
Everything triggers it.
- Trucks, tykes.
- No, uh-uh.
- First names.
- No.
Sorry, honey.
I think we're going to have to
slap it out of each other.
Give it to me, mama.
- Ha!
- Ah!
BOTH: Trucks for Tykes
[BOTH GASP]
BOTH: Trucks for Tykes
[BOTH GRUNT]
No!
Oh, my God,
that's the rhythm of the song!
Look, we both like this guy,
and it's natural to be competitive,
but I can be above this.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hah! He texted me first, I win.
Oh, and guess who just got
invited to a party at his loft?
[PHONE RINGS]
Me, hah!
At 2:00 AM.
Wow, that is way past your bedtime.
I'm up at 2:00 AM all the time.
To pee.
Oh, no, we're the first ones here.
There's a note.
"Make yourselves comfortable
amongst the pillows."
What, they're sitting on the floor?
Worried about your back, Will?
No. Worried about your knees, Grace?
No.
- I'm so comfortable.
- So am I.
I could sit on the floor of a
party no one attends every day.
Hello, lover.
BOTH: Hi, Jackson.
I am so glad you're here.
You look gorgeous.
BOTH: Thank you.
Let us break bread together.
Ah, ah, ah.
Mmmm, oh. This is delicious.
Mmmm, what is it?
Hopi bread with snake venom.
- Snake what?
- Oh, don't worry.
In the right quantity,
it's an exquisite flavoring.
What if it's in the wrong quantity?
Oh, it could be fatal.
Let me get us some wine.
Find your own place!
- How's the bread?
- BOTH: So good, love it!
To us.
To us.
And to us.
So when is everyone else showing up?
What do you mean?
Well, you said it was a party.
And so it is. Let's party.
It's just us?
The three of us
are on this journey together,
and the next natural stop
is to experience
each other simultaneously.
You mean one at a time?
That's not what simultaneously means.
I, I don't know, I
I think Grace would have
a real problem with that.
No, actually, Will would
have a problem with that.
- I got no problem.
- Neither do I.
Fantastic.
Then I'll be in the bedroom waiting.
Lighting an obscene number of candles.
Because like candles,
we are meant to burn all night.
Oy.
Hot.
Grace, come on,
you're not going to do this.
Just leave and let me have Jackson.
I am going to do this,
so maybe you're the one who should leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
Well, then, I guess you and I
are walking into that bedroom together.
I guess we are. I'mma walk.
So am I.
Heading right for that bedroom.
Yup.
Just making a b-line.
You, me, Jackson.
That is three naked people.
And two of them are us.
Just about there.
One more
step.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Well, last chance to bail.
- Too cool to bail.
Because it's about to get real.
I am all about real.
All right, why don't you two get started?
- Way too real.
- That was too real. Too real!
So give a darn and give a truck!
Hey, can I get ahead of you in line?
I need to see the doc real bad.
- Meth?
- I'd love to.
But I am flipping out!
Well, it's going to be a while.
Apparently this emergency room
has a pecking order.
It goes "life threatening illnesses"
and then everyone else.
Honey, they're not taking us seriously
because they never heard of
whatever it is we got.
You're right! It's all about marketing.
I mean, no one ever heard of the ACLU
until that ice bucket challenge.
I'll get you checked in, Mr. Boudreaux.
Richard, we need to issue a
correction to the new cookbook.
It turns out the Hopis were wrong.
There is no such thing as
a safe amount of venom
from the North American sidewinder.
Also, I feel like
the cranberries are overkill.
That's Jackson Boudreaux!
I'm not supposed to tell you this,
but Will's been sleeping with him.
Honey, I knew there was something
I wasn't supposed to tell you.
Grace is sleeping with Jackson Boudreaux.
And her doorman.
Wait a minute, are you telling me
that Will and Grace are Eskimo sisters?
Honey, I have no idea what that means,
but that is exactly what I am saying.
- Whoo!
- Honey.
Wait a minute.
Do you not hear what I don't hear?
I think I don't. Kar, the song's gone!
- It is!
- Maybe the idea of
Will and Grace being one penis away
from actually having sex
with each other cured it.
You're right. And good for Grace.
You know she's one step closer
to her ultimate goal.
Yes, it is I.
I would like to spend time with you.
So not my type.