TALES FROM THE FRONT.

Bright ideas for `smart' spouse of `dumb' guy

April 04, 2003|BY CHERYL LAVIN.

Ariel is happily married, sort of, to Stu, who's "a sweet man, a gentle lover, a good provider, a wonderful father." But he's not her "intellectual equal. Next to `dumb' in the dictionary, you'll find his picture." This is a problem because Ariel is very bright. She has started an affair with Jonathan, her college professor. He stimulates her mind, but he's mean, rude and stingy. Said Ariel, "I wish I could combine them." Here's what you had to say ...

Elaine: "Ariel may be bright, but she certainly lacks wisdom, depth and insight."

Mary-Louise: "Do Stu a favor, and either get some integrity and intellectual female friends or let him meet someone who likes him for who he is, not for what he is."

Eddie: "You would think that during the courting a woman of Ariel's intelligence would have picked up a few signs that she was not intellectually compatible with Stu."

Tiffany: "I'm in the same boat as Ariel. I've spent two years feeling horrible about myself. I can't tell you what a relief it was to hear that I am not the only one with this dilemma."

Colier: "Ariel needs to take a second look at the dictionary. Look up `idiot,' and see whose picture appears. She has the emotional intelligence of a 2-year-old."

Jeanne: "Ariel's using her husband's IQ as an excuse to cheat, and that says far more about her than it does about him."

Marla: "Say you give up Stu to take up with Jonathan. You figure you can change him, right? What makes you think he won't decide that you're dimwitted and dump you? Wake up, and smell the coffee! You've got a wonderful life! Just remember, there is a woman out there who would be thrilled to have the life your dumb husband has provided for you."

Gina: "No wonder so many men believe that nice guys finish last. Nobody is perfect, and God only knows what complaints Stu has about you. If you're that starved for intellectual companionship, there are plenty of intelligent, witty, well-educated women you could hang out with. They're called girlfriends."

Paul: "Ariel could dust off her PhD, pursue one of those teaching jobs that were offered to her years ago, get published again, get tenure and get a life. That way, she wouldn't have to depend on a sweet, rich chump for security, or on an arrogant bad boy for intellectual stimulation. Then one day in the faculty club, she might even meet a man who is smart, interesting, respects his students and tips generously despite his professor's salary. Of course, when this happened, Ariel would probably shrug and ignore him. No sparks. No chemistry. No fireworks. No power or money to worship. No drama. No thrill of danger. I have little patience with women who claim to be smart and independent, but loudly bemoan their men's inability to provide them with everything they want.

Bill: "Jonathan is a typical college womanizer who has probably pulled all that same crapola on dozens, maybe hundreds, of dewy-eyed students who just lap up the adulation from an intellectual snob. He'll find another girl in a year or two, and Ariel will be high and dry."

Eleanor: "If Ariel needs intellectual stimulation, she should find a great book-reading club, preferably with female members since she is unable to resist temptation, and stop putting herself in compromising situations that weaken her marriage vows."

Pamela: "I thumbed through my dictionary to find the meanings of `clueless loser,' `narcissistic snob' and `pompous ass.' Lo and behold, next to each entry was a picture of Ariel. It was an unflattering picture at best, but the illustrator did manage to capture her fine intellect because the head was so big."

Jack: "I wonder if Ariel ever took the time to see how much her husband does know. I bet there is nothing he can't build or repair."