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The Week In Quotes: September 9, 2011

compiled by Rivers McCown

JEEZ MARGE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

"It was a good start for us. But I have to ask myself: What would have happened if we had offseason workouts?" -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, after helping the Packers hang five offensive touchdowns on the Saints in the opener (Packers Official Twitter)

"They talk a whole lot. They don't like us. I think they don't like us a lot more than we don't like them. I think they have to talk themselves into it, kind of, know what I mean? Since I've been here, we've beat them a lot more than they beat us. They have to talk about it a whole lot." -- Steelers defensive tackle Casey Hampton, on the chirping between the two teams (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

PASSION BUCKET HAS BECOME A PASSION PIT

"I can't be the only one who cares." -- UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel, at UCLA's Thursday practice (Los Angeles Times)

I UH ... HOPE JEREMY GREEN HASN'T SENT YOU ANY LINKS RECENTLY

MY RUG NOW LOOKS LIKE FEAR FACTOR, YOUR MOVE

"Peyton Manning will keep his streak alive. If you think he's going to miss a start because of a neck problem, you've been chugging paint thinner. This guy hasn't missed a start since 1994 at Tennessee. Do you know how long ago it was when Manning didn't start for the Colts? Google was two days old. Kim Kardashian was 17. Russell Crowe was skinny! If Manning doesn't start Game 1, I will come to your house and eat things that are stuck in your carpet." -- ESPN's Rick Reilly, on August 30th (ESPN)

BOY, THAT ESCALATED PRETTY QUICKLY

"This is not unlike Jack, because he did Byron Leftwich the same way. So my statement is this: If there was ever a head coach that needs to be punched in the face for not being truthful to his players, it has to be Jack Del Rio." -- former NFL (and Jaguars) defensive end Hugh Douglas, on the release of quarterback David Garrard (ESPN Radio)

UNFORTUNATELY, ALL 10 OF THEM ARE MAGGLIO ORDONEZ

"It relaxes me. I listen to it a lot. There is an old proverb that is you can control your breathing, you will have the strength of 10 tigers. When you get amped, your muscles tighten up, you get dehydrated quicker, you start thinking too much." -- Texans running back Arian Foster, on his pre-game music selection of Archandroid by Janelle Monae (ESPN AFC South Blog)

THE SNYDPRANOS

"The two questions I get asked the most are, ‘Do you think you can build a bomb with all those chemicals?’ and ‘Do you think you can burn a body in your kiln?’ Which is an absolute yes." -- Redskins tight end Chris Cooley, on his art gallery that was recently broken into (Washington Post)

THINK WE'll STICK WITH "HALF-HEARTED ROUTE-RUNNING", IT WAS A NOVEL TRY THOUGH

"Single coverage." -- Patriots wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, on what would happen if the Patriots brought back Randy Moss (Twitter)

I ALWAYS PICTURED SHANG TSUNG AS MORE OF A QUARTERBACK. REAL WASTE OF RESOURCES THERE, BYU

"But at the same time they do some things that are unique to them, and then it ultimately comes down to it's a players' game, and they've got good backs that run hard. They've got fullbacks that want to block your soul." -- Texas defensive coordinator Manny Diaz, on BYU's running game (Official Texas Longhorns)

WHEN I WAS AN ALIEN, CULTURES WEREN'T OPINIONS

"One of us was going to be the guy and the other one was going to be pissed. I was the guy that was pissed. But I’m not going to let that disturb me. I don’t want that to hold me back from anything." -- Redskins quarterback John Beck, on losing the starting job to Rex Grossman (Washington Post)

FRANK BUSH WILL MOVE DOWN TO THE FIELD, THAT'LL CHANGE EVERYTHING!

"I predict we will be playoff bound. I don’t think there is really any other way for us to go. We don’t really have a choice at this point. There will be a lot of changes made if we can’t get it done with this group right here," -- Texans tight end Owen Daniels, predicting how this season will play out (Sports Radio Interviews)

I WAS SAYING BOO-USH

"One of the reasons we do it here is we are in South Florida and the New England teams and New York teams, there's a a lot of fans out here. They have a good fan base themselves. Somehow they make their way into our stadium." -- Dolphins coach Tony Sparano, on why they are pumping in crowd noise to simulate game conditions on Monday night (Sun Sentinel)

WILLIE RANDOLPH DOESN'T SEE ANY PROBLEM WITH THE TIMING HERE

"Clearly, I'm not proud of how things played out on Tuesday and our players deserve better," -- Jaguars general manager Gene Smith, on releasing David Garrard right after a speaking event (Florida Times-Union)

REALLY FEELS LIKE THIS SHOULD BE HAPPENING TO THE VAN GUNDYS RATHER THAN THE RYANS

"Absolutely not. I would have to better myself and my family and my situation. That's ridiculous." -- Still-unemployed wideout Terrell Owens, on if he'd play with the contract status of Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson (97.5 The Fanatic)

YOU WON'T SCOFF QUITE SO MUCH AFTER TOM BRADY AND MARK SANCHEZ CREATE ZOOLANDER 2

That whole discusion of Case Keenum's sex life in the linked video was wildly inappropriate. Papadakis' quote wasn't even the worst of it, as the rest of the segment was filled with (probably) unintentional double entendres, capped by Charles Davis saying, "Yeah, I love young love too, but I like his right arm a lot better." I'm surprised they didn't mix in a reference to Cougars.