Our columnist plays Porno Paula on the XXX version of American Idol

I wish I could tell you morewhich stud talked a big game but when it came time to fuck just couldn't deliver, which girl started rumors about one of her competitors in order to frazzle her, which guy dressed like Brad Pitt from Snatch, which starlet freaked out in the middle of the contestbut I'm bound by contract not to reveal these crucial character and plot points. You'll have to watch the six-episode series, which debuts May 13 on the In Demand networks (indemand.com), and see for yourselfthough some of what I want to tell is just too incriminating, unbelievable, and absurd. I may have to keep it to myself forever in order to protect the guilty, the innocent, and the insane.