The Business of Sports School, or BOSS, will open in September with 81 ninth grade students.

The school plans to emphasize real world skills through mandatory internships at companies like ESPN The Magazine, ABC Sports, and VitaminWater.

The more attractive teenage girls will get coveted internships at ESPN headquarters in Bristol, where they will learn the finer aspects of getting groped by older men and keeping their damn mouths shut if they ever want to get somewhere in this business.