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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Standing in the doorway

You know really, I am a half glass full kinda person. An optimist. I'm one of those 'she'll be right' people. All it takes is one pang of anxiety, to bring it all that positivity, crashing down around me in one big, loud clang. Everything seems hopeless. My life seems like one big catastrophe, my world is crumbling to bits and weighing down on me. Squashing the happiness from me. In that moment I hate it. I hate it. I hate that the smiling, friendly optimistic me has turned, and is now burning me from the inside.

Today I went to Izzys school for a mothers day morning tea. It went pretty well. I drank coffee and resisted the gleaming array of cakes and biscuits.One of the teachers fussed about how much me and Izzy looked alike. It was a lovely conversation. Afterwards I stood at the door of the classroom block and watched as the kids played outside. Just me there, no distractions and wasn't really paying attention to anything.As I looked around I felt a warm peaceful wave flow over me. At that moment I felt like everything was going to be alright. My thoughts were the only thing I was listening to, and they were good thoughts. The noise of the playground was blocked out, just a hum, as I listened to me."Whatever's happened in the past, is over. It doesn't matter anymore. This is a new beginning, and everything is going to be OK. All that doesn't matter now".It was a nice feeling, like the clouds had lifted on a beautiful day. To tell the truth it's like it wasn't even me I was hearing, rather than a whisper in my ear.It would be silly of me to think there'll be no more bouts of crippling anxiety. But for today, I am thankful for that one glorious moment, standing in the doorway of Izzies classroom block.I am a little bit excited too, because I gave her five bucks to spend at the mothers day stall today. Can't wait to see what she brings home for me :)

2 comments:

Keep on listening to that whisper lovely it is spot on. And while you might be right about the anxiety showing up again at some point, there is no point worry about it till it happens. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way.