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Well, what do we have here? It looks like a tasty easter egg treat all tucked away in the grass, doesn’t it?

Right.

This here is the top of a blow pop sucker nestled in a fuzzy little fluff of carpeting. Yeah, it’s green apple. Isn’t green apple the best flavor of blow pop? And yeah, my carpeting is green. It is unfortunate and something I’ve been planning on replacing for the past 5 years that we’ve lived in this house.

For those of you that may still be wondering just what in tarnation is happening, let me fill you in on my morning.

It began much like any other day off: my eyes blinked awake when they were ready. It was later than a typical day since I had a bout of insomnia the evening prior and was awake until after 4:30. My intentions for the day were to prepare the kids’ area for a few girls that are sleeping over this weekend. I wouldn’t want these 10 year old girls thinking that we live in a dirty house and are unorganized. No. After fetching a morning coffee, I began the always daunting task of cleaning their toy/play area.

I gathered up 4 bags of plastic toys and dumb shit that they don’t play with anymore or that is broken….and also toys that I think are annoying. It’s true, I’m a mother that secretly gets rid of toys. Let’s be honest…they never even know. I loaded them up in the car ready to be donated to Goodwill. I managed to make it out of there with only one bag of trash as opposed to the usual 4. Despite arming their room with 2 garbage cans, papers, beads, wrappers and goldfish crackers always ended up on the floor and all over the place. Savages.

I made it through the session without flipping into a maniacal cleaning madwoman. I get angry when I clean. I do. I curse and bitch. I ask questions to my invisible family like ‘Did you know we own a garbage can? Have I not given you the tools to pick up after yourself? Are you fucking kidding me??’

I made it all the way through today. I did! It was impressive! My finest hour! Until I moved the couch to vacuum and saw this green eyed beast staring at me. Oh, what’s this? Oh…huh…oh, it’s stuck to the carpeting….Oh man…Fucking A!!! What the fuck?!? A Fucking blow pop?

It sent me over the edge.

It was so lodged in there…pressed in further by the couch leg.

I had to slice it out with a razorblade. It felt good. Maybe now we can get new carpeting?