After watching Sneakers perhaps one too many times, 66-year-old Beaver County resident Wayne Comet Cripe, of the Raccoon Township Cripes, put a "listening device" under his estranged wife's bed in an attempt to overhear her having sex with her boyfriend. Suzanne Cripe, who has been separated — by bedroom, not by address since despite their marital turbulence the Cripes still live under the same awkward roof — from her husband for some time, found the transmitter, sighed with deep resignation, and told police that her husband had probably put it there. Mr. Comet Cripe might have yet eluded the authorities had he not made one terrible mistake: when confronted with the stern face of the law, he told police, "I guess she found the transmitter," before they'd even questioned him.

Comet Cripe said that he'd wanted to hear if his wife was having sex with her boyfriend so he'd know "if the coast was clear" to, I don't know, ask her if she wanted to share a Snack Pack six-pack with him? This much is unclear, but whatever his motive, Comet Cripe was charged with a misdemeanor for intentionally intercepting communication from someone without that person's knowledge. We might speculate on the awful domestic scenes that precipitated this misguided attempt at reconnaissance, but the real tragedy in all this is that Wayne Comet Cripe flamed out before his time by sullying a perfectly awesome name.