Now This Month-Long Challenge Is How You REALLY Assert Your Masculinity

“Masturbation is only beating yourself,” my dad likes to say, and it was something I did quite often — as in daily; sometimes multiple times a day if I was particularly hungover. Though I never exactly viewed this habit as a problem, I soon came to realize that going a month without polishing my pube-staff was going to be much harder than I first expected.

During the month of August I will be forgoing masturbation and booze entirely, as part of a challenge from lauded lifestyle blogger, author of the bestseller 4-Hour Workweek and all-around superhuman Tim Ferriss.

The challenge, coined “NOBNOM” (NO Booze, NO Masturbating), is simple in its instruction: you cannot masturbate or drink for 30 days.

Why in the hell would a man put himself through this, you ask? Good freaking question. Ferriss insists those who complete the challenge will notice a dramatic surge in testosterone and sex drive, an increase in focus and cognitive endurance and, perhaps most appealingly, a 50 to 100% increase in productivity.

“When you aren’t nursing hangovers, chewing up three to four hours per night with friends, destroying your sleep with booze, or procrastinating with porn — miracle of miracles — you get more done! In my mind, this alone easily justifies a 30-day booze and porn fast.”

Aside from the benefits outlined by Ferriss, the challenge could also remedy erectile dysfunction in men, as a recent study discovered a link between over-stimulation to porn and erectile dysfunction. A long period without masturbation was found to cure this affliction in some cases.

But is it all worth it? Well, as AskMen’s guinea pig and anti-masturbation tour-guide for the next four weeks, I’ll be letting you in on my journey through weekly installments.

It’s important to first note that his challenge isn’t an entirely original idea. Ferriss likely borrowed his anti-booze and masturbation campaign from Reddit’s popular NoFap movement, where participants (known as "fapstronauts") took a pledge to go without masturbation for days, months, or years at a time, at their own discretion. Except with NOBNOM, we don’t get alcohol, either.

Also worth mentioning: Sex is allowed! Which is great — unless you’re in a situation similar to mine: I am currently single with no access to a friend with benefits, unless I’m willing to pay serious coinage for it. (Which I’m not. Not yet, anyway.)

Adding salt to this wound, results from Indiana University’s Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reveal that I fit quite uncomfortably into the age group of highest-frequency masturbators (25 to 29), who reportedly go at themselves four times a week. Well, fantastic.

To motivate participants, three of the almost 5,000 members (as of this publish date) will have the chance to win $500 dollars of Ferriss’ projected millions. (Too generous, really.) To win the cash, participants must first sign up for the challenge on Lift (a daily coaching website and mobile app), complete the challenge, and help others in their attempts to complete the challenge by posting advice on the NOBNOM message board. The three deemed most helpful will be $500 dollars richer —though I assume the funds will each be depleted by September 1st, having been spent on bundles of booze and porn website subscriptions.

Week One

On Day 4, I was greeted by the devil who graciously informed me that instead of devouring everything in my fridge and between my cushions, I could (and should) be masturbating. It would seem to offset the pleasures from jerking it, I’ve resorted to eating everything in sight. Is dopamine-release through food a documented fact? Because I’m eating my ass off to find out.

Other than the relentless eating, though, I haven’t noticed much change. Except what was expected: being exceptionally horny and tempted to touch my disregarded appendage as if it were begging me to — which I assume might happen via hallucinations come week four. There was one night I had difficulty sleeping, where a nice jerkoff session would have been nice, but, you know, rules are rules.

Instead of giving into temptation, I visited NOBNOM’s message board to find that some participants had already relapsed (some as early as Day 2), while others were experiencing better sex (“the best in years”) and killer productivity. One man cited uncertainty concerning the challenge’s parameters, admitting he had jerked, but didn’t come, and wanted to know if he failed the challenge. After some feedback, he decided to start over.

Participants have been generous in their suggestions to fight back. It’s a community in that sense. Some go running, others snap an elastic band on their wrist, some cook, and others do drugs. I just eat a shit-ton. Obviously, in the beginning phases of the challenge, some are adopting healthier habits while others are developing worse. Which begs the question: Is this unnatural abstinence worth it, and is it even safe?

As of now, I’m not convinced anything greatly noticeable will come from the challenge. But I do identify as a bit of a critic, so who’s to say. Some people truly believe they’re reaping benefits, but whether this is due to NOBNOM or just a placebo is anyone’s guess. But I’ll definitely fill you in as I find out.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go, like, walk the dog or something.

Week 2

It’s only week two, and we’re dropping like flies. Every day the NOBNOM message board exposes another man who has given into temptation and fondled himself to completion. One in particular confessed to watching a YouTube video of women kissing and just couldn’t help himself. Poor guy. He had no choice.

After confessing, he wished remaining participants well on our journey.

“Well” being the interpretive term here. I hate this challenge. I really, really do. I’m sleeping like crap, waking up with the sun and breaking out in zits thanks in great part to my terrible eating habits, which now serve as a pleasure-placeholder to booze and masturbation. A man needs some enjoyment in his day, after all, and regretfully, mine is pizza, garlic sauce and Kraft Dinner. Yes, daily.

I will confess that I do still watch porn. But I don’t masturbate to it, as this is against the rules. Despite the challenge, I still crave stimulation, and quick access to porn is like the seductive blue fluorescents of a bug zapper. I know it’s the worst thing I can do, tempting myself like that, but I can’t help it. Trust me, I understand how pathetic this sounds.

But I’m not alone. Men have confessed to setting up parental blocks on their browsers to terminate the urge. Porn traditionalists (those who still possess physical pornography) have even trashed their smutty mags so there’s no temptation tucked between their mattresses either.

Adding to the misery, I’ve become physically weaker. I attend the gym regularly and noticed that since I’ve started this challenge, my strength has been affected. Which is strange, considering the surge in testosterone would presumably make one stronger.

As for the claim that going without whacking and boozing makes one 50-to-100% more productive? Complete bullshit. My get-up-and-go has gotten up and left, and the bastard didn’t even leave a note. My home has become a prison and my penis holds the key. I don’t want to do much of anything.

Curious about this laundry list of setbacks, I spoke to Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., to address why myself — and others — are experiencing results opposite to what was promised.

“I think part of the issue is that the NOBNOM challenge may not take differences among men and their lifestyles into consideration,” says Nicholson. “An issue not taken into consideration is the man's current level of alcohol and pornography use.”

“Put simply, the more difficult it is for the guy to go without alcohol or pornography, the less self-control he will have for other tasks — like work or the gym. Instead, he will simply be fatigued from the challenge of avoiding pornography and alcohol. So, trying to quit in such an abrupt manner may be counterproductive, especially for a guy wanting to increase his energy and productivity.”

Basically, Nicholson has surmised that all of my energy is being put into the challenge, and whatever I have left (which, evidently, isn’t much) has gone to a sub-par workout.

Now don’t get me wrong, many of the people involved with the challenge are experiencing the benefits Tim Ferriss' (the founder of NOBNOM) promises. The most common being: weight loss, a surge in self-respect and confidence, and new worthwhile hobbies. One even said this is the best he’s felt since he was a teenager.

Some are even taking their NOs further and omitting sugar, processed foods, and Facebook for the month as well. Good for them, I guess.

The Perils Of Craigslist

Like I mentioned last week, I don’t have a girlfriend, therefore I don’t have access to sex as I would want it. So I did what any desperate man in my situation would do, and browsed through my hometown’s Casual Encounters ads on Craigslist — which were, well, disappointing to say the least. Regardless, I replied to one, waited 45 minutes, didn’t hear back and decided to go to my buddy’s party. Sober.

As with any situation where one is taken out of their comfort zone, I can admit that I’ve learned some things. For instance, I masturbate too much. I’m not proud of it, but going without has made me realize that I did it out of boredom, but gave in so often that I eventually became dependent on it.

Also, since forgoing these simple desires, I’ve been much more aggressive in my pursuit of women. You see, prior to the challenge, I was more of the “I’ll let her come to me” type, because, well, I guess I’m a coward in that respect. Instead of going balls-out and approaching women at a bar, I’d go balls-in and rub one out before I left the house. My desire to get laid was then left in a tube sock when it should have been out on the playing field.

Since starting the challenge, I’ve been actively pursuing the fairer sex, which I can attribute to the lack of sexual intercourse between me and my calloused hand. At this point, I can see my masturbation habits were becoming a minor problem, so instead of going at myself daily, after NOBNOM I’m going to aim for once to twice per week, a compromise between my pre- and post-challenge habits.

There you have it, guys. I guess that does it for Week 2. Plus, there’s (another) pizza in the oven, so, I’m going to get on that.

Week 3

Week three of the NOBNOM challenge is upon us, and now even the slightest breeze gives me an erection. The waistband on my shorts are serving double-duty, and Reitman’s ads have become as sexually stimulating as hardcore pornography.

Last week, I discussed my personal hardships with the challenge (skin breakouts, weight gain, loss of strength) and this week it’s more of the same; I’m just very easily annoyed. While some may attribute this aggression to my genetics (as a “fiery” redhead), forgoing masturbation and booze has doused this flame in gasoline and set off a full-on explosion. Basically, I’ve become a massive prick.

Since this week hasn’t differed much from last in terms of setbacks (last week, things definitely hit their peak — I was not a happy camper), I figured I would speak to others who’ve also managed to survive three weeks of NOBNOM, but are having a more positive experience.

Women Are Very Good At NOBNOM
Nicki Robinson, a server from Canada, was one of the first to contact me. I was quite curious to hear of her experience, as I wanted to determine whether or not her temptation would differ much from a man’s.

Resisting masturbation has been easier for her than booze, she admits, though it’s been harder than she thought. Nicki believes it’s easier for women to refrain from palm-on-genital intercourse because men practice these things far more frequently, starting from a much younger age (and, admit it, she’s probably right).

To aid in resisting temptation, Nicki intentionally wore out the battery of her personal sex toy, and noticed this lack of distraction (masturbation was a surprising source of procrastination for her) allowed her to get more done — in her case, this meant polishing off some online classes instead of polishing her, well, you know.

She also noted how nice it is to wake up without a throbbing headache and to have a car in her driveway. In turn, these things have made her happier and glad she’s accepted the challenge. So glad, in fact, that she urges other women attempt it. “If you can’t do the little things in life, how the heck are you going to do the big things?”

How The NOBNOM Challenge Saved One Man’s Marriage
The greatest success story I’ve heard about the NOBNOM experience, hands down, comes from Jason Siebold, an Internet marketer who was on the verge of divorce. “I had made up my mind and I was already looking at places to move,” he told me.

It had been seven months since he and his wife had been intimate, and he was using the NOBNOM challenge to curb his pornography habits after having spent three years in Sex Addiction recovery. “There were still loopholes that I was getting past and still using pornography, not to the extent I had, but still enough to do some damage to my sex life.”

“At the 14-day mark of NOBNOM, I realized that I had some aggression and real resentments against my wife.” He admits these emotions were more intense as he hadn’t had any sexual release in weeks. “As I analyzed these resentments closer, I realized that they were the same resentments I had had for years; these were the emotions that had kept me emotionally distant from my wife.”

Siebold insists the challenge helped him realize that he himself had to be vulnerable, that the problems in their relationship both began and ended with him. Two weeks of abstaining from booze and masturbation provided clarity to the point that, without the haze of liquor or the distraction of porn, he could truly open up about his feelings, both physically and emotionally.

As a result, by week two of the challenge, he was able to effectively communicate what he needed from his wife. It was something he didn’t know how to do prior to the challenge, and this deadly silence was what served as the machete that nearly cut through his once fulfilling marriage.

“It was the best conversation of our entire relationship and it opened up new doors for us. She related that she felt safer as a result of our conversation and, as of this past weekend, we are no longer in a dry spell.”

It’s Easier After The Halfway Point, But Not By Much
Despite this being week three, I am no more confident that I can complete this challenge than I was on week one. That said, I’m starting to wonder if hiring an Accountability Coach would have been a good idea. These coaches are available on the official NOBNOM page for $15 a week, and aim to keep you from grabbing at your pole or the bottle.

I spoke to João Soares, another participating NOBNOM participant, who hired one, and he’s glad he did. “Whenever I even think of giving in, I'm reminded that he invested his time on me, and I invested my money on this. This reduces most of the urges.”

Next week, the journey will finally be over. And, according to legend, going 30 days without masturbation delivers a 30-minute orgasm. Which might sound great to some, but to me sounds extraordinarily painful. I’m just hoping I’ll get a six-pack out of it.

Week 4

It’s done. I made it! Thirty whole days without booze and masturbation. Which means I can finally touch myself without society’s heated glance pouring down on me like streetlights after curfew. Yes, I’m being a tad dramatic, but it’s been an entire month since I’ve touched myself, and not many of us can say this about ourselves passed the age of 14.

I already have my entire day planned, and though I’m sure you can probably guess what I’ll be doing, I’ll tell you in a bit more detail: I will cordon myself off in my living room, blinds drawn, open a case of beer, and marathon porn on the big screen as if it were streaming on Netflix. I’ve considered renting out a room to avoid mess, but I have too much respect for the cleaning staff.

Yes, despite all that this challenge has taught me (which I will definitely get to), I’ve decided that masturbation and drinking are still things I’d like to take part in, just not as often — especially the former. As I’ve mentioned in this column, prior to the challenge, I would masturbate daily; sometimes more than once a day. But what this was doing, I came to learn, was keeping me from pursuing sex — like, actual sex. Masturbating was too easy, and it became my Plan A, when it should have been Plan B.

Thanks to the challenge I’ve started talking to a blast from the past. She moved away for school years ago, but has since come back. I’m not solely pursuing her for sex (we haven’t had sex since reuniting, though I definitely wouldn’t have turned it down) but this challenge has given me something more productive to do with my time. And that’s to pursue a potential relationship with someone I had and am starting to have feelings for.

I don’t want to say NOBNOM has given me a new lease on love, because that’s far too profound, but it’s definitely put things into perspective. Now I’m willing to gamble on facing rejection on someone I’d like to get to know further instead of hiding behind a laptop that should probably be tossed into a fire for sanitation purposes.

As with forgoing booze, I mean, yes, I guess the claim that this challenge will make you more productive makes sense. I would wake up earlier on weekends without having to demolish a bottle of Gatorade, and I wouldn’t have to call up a buddy to come grab me so I could pick up my truck. But the truth is, booze is for the weekend, and it’s important to enjoy yourself every now and then. I don’t touch other substances, so booze was my go-to. I’m no robot.

However, the biggest impact I’ve noticed since experiencing a booze-free month is, in addition to myself (I’ve eaten horribly since the challenge began), my wallet’s become fatter. You never really realize how much money the stuff costs until it doesn’t, and I’ve saved considerable cash these last four weeks.

Will this challenge impact my habits moving forward? Concerning masturbation, most definitely. Now that I’ve experienced the benefits that forgoing masturbation provides, I am definitely going to limit my stick-spanking sessions to two to three times per week — instead of seven. If I can limit these further, I will, but I don’t see that happening unless I find myself a significant other, or at the very least, a friend with benefits.

As for drinking, I’m just looking forward to not having to entertain my friends’ drunken conversations and being the DD. They owe me now, so I’m expecting full car service on my first night out after the challenge.

Is It Worth It?

Now, I’d like to address the important question: Is NOBNOM worth it? For me, personally, no, it wasn’t. Though it’s not such a resounding no as I declared in my second week. 30 days without masturbation and booze was not worth the rewards that were promised (according to Tim Ferriss, the founder of NOBNOM, benefits include a 50-100% increase in productivity, a rush of testosterone, etc.) though many would argue it totally is.

The message board serves as a literal shrine to Ferriss, which I remain skeptical of. People absolutely love him, and it would appear nobody’s willing to disagree with the guy. I personally viewed this challenge as a fail, but I’m definitely in the minority.

Most men are saying they’ve never felt or looked better, and some claim it’s changed their lives. Who knew masturbation held such power over us? And who’s to say it does? Are we all such fans of Ferriss that we delude ourselves to help him succeed? The man does do great work, I’ll admit; I’m just not so sure this challenge is what it was cracked up to be. Ferriss’ involvement on the NOBNOM’s message board was scarce, and considering the man has over 530,000 followers on Twitter, just over 5,000 signed up for the challenge. Which is, well, unimpressive, to say the least.

Regardless though, the challenge is over and I’m looking forward to both touching my johnson and boozing it up a little, I’ve earned it, and I’m very curious what an orgasm after 30 days without one is going to feel like. So I guess that does it. Thanks for reading, gentlemen, and if AskMen has any more challenges for me to take on, I’ll be happy (well, willing) to oblige.