Sunday, April 11, 2010

If you consider women the "norm" men look twisted and broken. If you consider men the "norm" women seem stunted and manipulative. It is always amusing to hear sexists on either side demanding that one side be blamed, controlled, or forced to conform. Men and women have collaborated for countless generations in selecting each other for various survival and attraction traits. Growing up, I heard mucho sexist talk from guys about how women couldn't handle responsibility, needed to follow male leadership, etc. I never bought it. Nowadays, you hear women using the exact same arguments: men are violent, irrational, etc., and to fault for all the world's problems. The problem is that these women, were they men, would be horrific sexists, the very thing they abhor. You can't blame men for the world's problems unless you are also willing to give them credit for the world's science, art, and exploration. Attribute both good and bad to complex factors both social and biological...sure. Blame them as a way to elevate your own group? You're just another bigot.

4 comments:

I am puzzling a bit over this. Mostly, I agree, but I do have a knee-jerk tendency to view women as superior to us males. The only instance I can think of where I would be inclined to think that there is a concrete difference in favor of men is that women have a reputation for holding grudges far longer than men. I have been told by more than one friend that it is far more dangerous to disagree with a female boss than with a male one, and I have seen instances of this myself. I have also seen female colleagues resign because of what they perceived as a sexist slight years earlier, whereas men in a similar position seem to be just inclined towards stoic acceptance. Does this fit into your model of how each sex has selected the other for certain traits? Or am I misinterpreting the data? Or??

I didn't bother to read the comments on the linked article, but I do hope that someone pointed out that "she" isn't a slut if she wants more sex than he does, either.

In my experience, most statements that begin with "all men are" or "all women do this" can be stuck in the trash right along with the "blacks are," "all whites," "every redhead,"short people always," "the French are so" and other stereotypes.

The author of the article on HuffPost would have been far more accurate if she had tossed in a few disclaimers, explaining that statistically, most men's brains that have been studied seem to use more space for processing problem-solving than emotional issues. I'd want to know how many men's brains were studied and how many women's brains were studied, because I happen to know that the vast majority of medical research has been done on men. That's not the kind of article HuffPost publishes, though.

As an example, my very masculine partner is the main nurturer in our household. He's much better than I am at knowing when someone just wants support. When I hear about a problem, I'm the one who jumps in to try to fix it, and has to be hit with the clue bat if "fixing" isn't appropriate. None of the other advice given in that article applies to us, either. We aren't so unusual, looking at our network of friends.

"...The only instance I can think of where I would be inclined to think that there is a concrete difference in favor of men is that women have a reputation for holding grudges far longer than men..."

I've received the "you're holding a grudge too long!!!" treatment *from another woman.*

Apparently it's "holding a grudge" to remember having been treated badly by someone else instead of flicking a switch in my brain from "hurt and sad" to "happy happy joy joy!!!" ASAP the moment she says "sorry" and developing amnesia so that every time she treats me this badly I don't remember any of the times she's done it before. Excuse me (and every other person, no matter if female or male or genderqueer, who is like me this way!), for not being a convenient robot.

"...Men and women have collaborated for countless generations in selecting each other for various survival and attraction traits..."

Meanwhile, don't forget those girls and women who gave birth to the babies of men and boys whom they themselves did not select at all. Not every conception happens after mutual selection of the genetic parents by each other...

"I didn't bother to read the comments on the linked article, but I do hope that someone pointed out that "she" isn't a slut if she wants more sex than he does, either.

"In my experience, most statements that begin with "all men are" or "all women do this" can be stuck in the trash right along with the "blacks are," "all whites," "every redhead,"short people always," "the French are so" and other stereotypes.

"The author of the article on HuffPost would have been far more accurate if she had tossed in a few disclaimers, explaining that statistically, most men's brains that have been studied seem to use more space for processing problem-solving than emotional issues. I'd want to know how many men's brains were studied and how many women's brains were studied, because I happen to know that the vast majority of medical research has been done on men. That's not the kind of article HuffPost publishes, though..."

About Me

For the last thirty years or so I’ve been a lecturer, coach, novelist and television writer. For the last forty years I’ve been involved variously in the martial arts, and for all my life I’ve studied and enjoyed yoga. Not that I worked at it as hard and honestly as I should have—I’d be a combination of BKS Iyengar and Bruce Lee if I had.
After publishing about three million words of science fiction (including the New York Times bestsellers The Legacy of Heorot and The Cestus Deception) and having about twenty hours of produced television shows (including The Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Andromeda, and Stargate, as well as four episodes of the immortal Baywatch), I’ve got opinions on the writing life.
After earning black belts in Judo and Karate, and practicing the Indonesian art of Pentjak Silat Serak for the last fifteen, well, I have some opinions there, as well. And having struggled to live consciously since childhood...well, those opinions are probably strongest of all.