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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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Exploring the highs and lows of relationships

Defining moments

Sometimes, we can get involved in situations with people we don’t know how to define. Recently, one of my friends admitted she was seeing her ex again, but she said they weren’t back on track together. It’s just that they see each other from time to time, to share some quality times, but afterwards, everyone goes back home alone and wait the next email/phone call to meet again. “You can’t qualify our “thing” as a relationship, but this isn’t friendship either” she says. Well, to me, this sounds like friendship with benefits, but she doesn’t agree. “We have a great time when we are together, but I don’t consider him as my friend, because he’s not the shoulder I could cry on if I have a problem and I don’t know if I can really rely on him. besides, he’s not just the guy I’m fucking, he’s a little more than that” she added.

Another friend of mine told me about her strange “whatever- thing” with one man she knows. She’s not dating him because he’s married, and she’s not friend with him either. “All I can say about this relationship is that it’s platonic, but it’s not a relationship, and it’s not friendship. There’s no sex involved. But he keeps on calling me for various things. It’s mostly for work, but I can’t say that it’s strictly professional. He’s not my friend, because I can”t count on him. He forgot about my birthday two weeks ago, he doesn’t know about many things in my life, but apart from that, we get along really well”she says. I told her he’s just using her for a reason I can’t explain. But she replied that she’s using him too. “He’s a precious help for my job, and he has the power to make all my professional worries vanish with just some simple words. But he’s not my friend” she said.

What defines a relationship? And what defines a friendship? Sometimes, it’s not easy to draw the line. But I believe that these awkward situations we can get in don’t last forever. My friend number one might end her “thing” with her ex or move back on with him for good, but they can’t stay like that in the long run. My friend number two might develop a friendship with her married man, or become his mistress (I wish she didn’t do that), or just lose him.

So, this would mean that only the long run can clear things up in some special cases.

I think that “relationship” is a very loose term. There are many types of it but they all involve the exchange of something. When the “thing” is an emotional or physical connection, that elevates the relationship.

I think that we like to put labels on things and perhaps that isn’t fair but on the other hand, every time someone has said “why do we have to label this…???”, it’s never been something to be proud of. That’s just my experience however. I think that Stella’s point is a good one in that secrets really do belong with friends.

Friends are not “what we say” but rather “what we do”. Friends meet each others’ needs but when it comes to sexual attraction, I’d say that the relationship needs a definition that’s more than “just friends”.

LS,
yes, relationship is a loose term. If at one point, there’s an exchange, there’s a relationship. However, it’s a little bit weird to get into a relationship with someone you hardly meet. And for friendship, I agree with Stella too about sharing secrets, but also joy and pain.