Bono in emergency operation...

to remove his head from his back passage. It was revealed today that Irish rock shouter and Messianic delusionist Bono underwent an emergency 5-hour operation last night to remove his head from his back passage. Ireland's top cranio-proctologist, Professor Brian McEhands, explained "it became necessary to operate on Bono when a roadie with a sense of humour used a potato to plug the snorkel Bono has been breathing through for the past 15 years." The Professor continued "the operation was complicated by the fact that we've never had to retrieve one from so far up before. Most self-obsessives manage to just about get into the rectum, but Bono's head was way up near the hepatic flexure. Honestly, with that degree of flexibility, he ought to be in the circus". The Professor explained "we're delighted it went so well, after all, it is still an experimental procedure; we've only used it twice before - on Sting and Bob Geldof".
Bono is expected to make a full recovery, but everything he says will still be shit.