The Puck Drop: Lesson – don’t waste all your good rival city bile in your first pregame post. You may get the hahas, but it doesn’t leave you much room for new jokes. Lesson: as we continue to repeat until GMGM hears us, there are two Caps teams. One team is Ninja Master, the other is Donkey Kong. There is no telling which will show up, and this must be fixed.

Lesson: if a team is going to win, it will win as a team. The Caps seem to have a hot-shot mentality of late; namely they play really well, until something unexpected happens. Not a first goal, as we seem to play better if we’re just one down, but a second, surprise goal. At that point you can almost see the shoulders schlump, the feet get leaden and the team lose heart, players scrambling to pump the sinking ship (almost like how and fans Verizon last night). Panic does not become a great team. Keep calm and carry on.

All of this is to say: we must be humble if we are to be great.

The Naughty and Nice List, Numero Tres

Naughty: Ho Ho Hughgh. We’re not piling on. We hate to say this. We have huge respect for him. But Tomáš Vokoun (SV .906%) said it best when he said Tuesday, “…I didn’t help my team.” Paging Dr. Sherlock, ‘No Sh-t Telephone, Please.’ Ugh, some of those – and it’s not just last night – easy squeakers just sailed through Vokoun’s grasp, 5 and 7 holes. Got to fix dat. And while we <3 him at least as much, Michal Neuvirth (SV .875%) hasn’t been behaving much better of late. Hey, it’s not like the Varlmonster is doing much better with the Avs…but. But GMGM, have you checked in with Braden “Hotby” Holtby of late? Criminy, what does he have to do? Pose with cute puppies??

Nice: We have had a man-crush on Jeff “Mayor of Awesome Town” Halpern (3G, 6A, +1) for, oh, I dunno….evah? He proved his worth once before with the Caps, and now is back, perhaps on his victory lap on his home turf. We suspect he’s got years of ice-time in his skates, but obviously we can’t know. We do know we wish we could be Halpy. He’s toasty on the ice, he’s camera-ready,seems like a great guy and he’s a Ginger. (Or, as the Spanish say, Cinnamon.) And he saved us from an ignominious (he went to Princeton, so he’ll know what that means) shut-out Tuesday. This cat is sugar and spice all wrapped up in a tasty rugelach. He gets extra gelt from us this Hanukkah.

Hot? Not? Discuss

This is our third flirtation with the Jets this season; once as they gobbled us up in the Black Hole of Winnipeg, and once when we jolted them here at home. We’re back in Winnipeg tonight.

Everything we’ve said before holds. There is, and I mean this literally, no place I’d rather spend the night than in Winnipeg. And I’ve spent nights in some of the world’s sh-t-holes. At 14-12 with 32 points, Winnipeg is beating us in the (soon to be extinct) Southeast division. That’s less a measure of their skill (sorry, Eric Fehr!) and more of our ineptitude.

There. We said it. Ineptitude.

Alex Burmistrov

We’re not posting hot or not tonight. At this point, our team is not deserving it, although perhaps the Jets are.

Winnipeg, at 10-4-0, does nearly as well as the Caps on home ice, and that for years has been a Caps strength. With players like Evander Kane, Kyle Wellwood, Dustin Byfugly and a passel of talented comers-on, and a recent 4-1 win record over some of the best teams in the NHL, they are a team that, frankly, deserves to win.

So Caps. Prove us wrong. Show your stuff and step up on your toes tonight. Or you will have to endure another taunting from a gay hockey blog riding shirttail on a site conceived in the idea of the invincibility of Our Russian Machine.

The Pre Game: I’m going to let you in on a secret. We people of the prairie have known it for decades, but as a group we tend to be Scandinavian, and so tight-lipped. We only pass it down– whispered– when there’s no other choice; as on those nights the wind shakes the windows and hope seems to extinguish in the pit of a cold, dead emptiness. And here it is: there is no darker, stranger place on this Earth than Winnipeg. It’s Canada’s sooty heart of darkness… and now, thanks to the NHL, we have to spend a night there.

You can spend a lifetime overnight in Winnipeg.

The Puck Drop

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “But it’s Canada! How scary can that be?” Here’s how creepy: David Lynch won’t even go there. That’s how creepy Winnipeg is. Built at the base of a floodplain that sinks in summer and concentrates the winds into an arctic vortex each winter, Winnipeg is a place that sensible cultures would just abandon. Admit their mistake, move on, and leave it to future anthropologists to try and make sense of the debris: curling, BTO, and Guy Maddin.

Sure, some have escaped. Cody Eakin and Eric the Fehr among the more adorables. But let me ask you this: do you know anyone who’s been to Winnipeg? Didn’t they come back…changed?

Drama aside, perhaps our Caps could use a little change. Maybe get a little creeped out. Fight a little harder to survive. Get freaking pucks to the net. You know, that sort of thing.

What Makes Them Hot

Evander Kane

#1: Fly-in. So the Jets have just landed this season from Atlanta, a place that shares nothing with Winnipeg except, perhaps, its smell. Look, save for some call-ups, the Jets are basically the Thrashers, but with less Coke and more coney dogs. OK, I kid…but neither team dazzled – the Thrashers the last several seasons, or the Jets so far this one. Ordinarily this would be a ‘Not’ more than ‘Hot’; but here’s the rub: hockey was as welcome in Atlanta as an anthrax attack on Olympic Park. Residents never took to the team, nor the team to the ice. It’s different now – and while fan support is clearly an intangible, any team worth their paychecks will play harder before an audience that really, really wants to see them. That’s new for the Thra-Jets, and game by game they just might start to respond. Remember, also, that the Jets are doing better at home so far than then Caps are on the road. Call me crazy, but this team might bite.

Jim Slater and Mark Flood

#2: Individuals. Nik Antropov (3-9-12), Kyle Wellwood (5-6-11), and Dustin Byfuglien(3-8-11); all these guys are performing at least as well as a dozen or more Caps (Sasha?) Sharp-shooters Jim Slater (5-1-6) and Evander Kane (6-5-11) both have five goals in about twice as many games. But I’m seeing less smart team play and more individual action. It’s like a bad stew: there hasn’t been enough time or attention for the flavors (players) to come together and play getting-to-know-you. But hot-shot players (SASHA?) still count for something: if the coaching squad can get it together, they might have a fine meal on hand.

#3: Trap Crap. Several of the teams the Jets have played lately, like the Bolts, are trap teams. The Caps are not. The Jets, with the exception of that last game, don’t do well with quick, fast play that unsprings the trap. Believe it or not, they might just have the right style in meeting the Caps.

What Makes Them Not

Ondrej Pavelec mysteriously collapsed during a game with the Caps last year. He’s fine now!

#1: It’s a Net Thing. Ooof. Neither Ondrej Pavelec (.895%) nor Chris Mason (.893%) are doing much in the net for Winnipeg this year. They’re sort of a mix, all over the place. That means pucks are landing all over the place, too. Caps have the upper hand here – unlike with Pekka Rinne. Which sounds like something I put on my pasta. And Ondrej Pavelec? Didn’t I order that for dessert in Paris? *lesigh*

#2: Faster Penalty Kill! Kill!: The Jets are simply sucking at PKs at 79%. Granted, the Caps aren’t much better at 83%, and unfortunately as we’ve seen a better motivated team can bend those stats and capitalize where data says they shouldn’t. The Jets aren’t quite stinking on PP (16%) so much as they’re middle of the road. Caps, again, may drive the car here (at 20%), but these numbers are not far apart enough to give me comfort.

#3: Enough: I’ve prattled on long enough without pointing to the obvious: the Jets are a middling team. On paper they should not defeat the Caps. Then again, if it were all just paper, we’d never race horses.

The OT

In closing I’m going to be uncharacteristically nice… in part because my contract with RMNB specifies I have to do so. But this one I mean: has anyone noticed the players on the Jets? I mean really, it’s a more diverse line-up of guys than I’ve seen in…well, just about ever. Even more so than may pans of the Caps fans benches. It may not change their play, but it’s one of the few nice things I can say about Winnipeg these days. Like the look of your lineups, Jets!

Coming off an insane, 13-goal affair in Orange County late Wednesday night, the Caps headed to Silicon Valley Thursday to take on the Sharks. It’s been nine long days since the Capitals matched up against San Jose in the District and the question was: which team would show up Thursday night? The Capitals that have been anemic offensively as of late and the squad that was bested by S.J. on the 8th? Or would it be the cardiac Caps reminiscent of last season who decided to pop their head up against the Ducks?

Well, it looks like we’re right back where we were before the Anaheim goal-fest.

The first period was rather uneventful. That is for about 19 minutes. After Ben Eager was called for a tripping penalty at 18:40, Washington headed to the power play. But it would be Joe Pavelski of the Sharks who score first on the Caps man-advantage, converting on John Carlson’s turnover with just over a minute left in the frame. Alex Ovechkin, however, would take matters into his own hands. Ovechkin threaded the needle to put the puck past San Jose goaltender Antti Niemi just 22 seconds after Pavelski’s tally, knotting the score at one.

The second period was a somewhat of a snooze-fest. Nether team racked up more than 10 shots in the frame and no penalties were doled out, giving fans little to cheer for. Five minutes into the third period, Ryan Clowe put home Kyle Wellwood’s rebound, giving the Sharks the lead. Dany Heatley would extend San Jose’s advantage midway through the frame when he deflected Danny Boyle’s attempt from the slot. With just under two minutes remaining, Nicklas Backstrom gave Capitals fans some hope when he ripped a wrist-shot over Niemi’s shoulder. However, the rally would stop right there. Sharks beat Caps, 3-2.

The streak continues. It’s now been more than 17 years since the Capitals last won in San Jose. The last time Washington was victorious in the “Shark Tank”? October 30, 1993. The Sharks netminder for that game? Current Caps goalie coach Arturs Irbe.

By all accounts, Backstrom had a superb game, netting a goal, three shots, and two hits. But it was in the face-off circle where the Swede struggled tonight. Lars lost six of his seven face-offs in the first period, lost four out of his six in the second, and went seven for 20 overall; a paltry 35% winning percentage. On the game’s final draw with 3.5 seconds left, Bruce Boudreau decided to pass over the strong and lanky David Steckel and matched Backstrom up with Joe Thornton. The former League M.V.P. beat Backstrom cleanly, and the Caps went quietly into the night.

Ovechkin has been getting gradually more consistent with each and every game that goes by. In tonight’s opening period, it was easy to confuse Ovi with a raging bull. The Russian Machine had four big hits — one that was whistled as an interference call — while adding a takeaway, a drawn penalty and a goal. Unfortunately for the Capitals, the Great Eight went into the intermission with a minus one, and seemed to tire as the game wore on.

Craig Laughlin, who was without his normal enthusiasm and jolliness behind the mic, was reduced to almost a whisper by the third period. If Locker was out of gas, imagine how the players felt. The Capitals surrendered two goals, put themselves in a 3-1 hole, and were outshot 14 to seven during the last twenty minutes. Perhaps the Caps would have fared better had they not been playing their third game in four nights.

Carlson continues to impress and is staring to creep into the Calder conversation. The Real American Hero had two assists, blocked three shots and diffused a semi-breakaway by Marleau. Imagine what this kid’s going to be like in three years?

The Capitals failed to get more than nine shots on goal in any period, with only seven coming in the final frame. What’s that I hear? “SHOOOOOOOOOOT”?

Joe B. Suit of the Night

It’s nice to prevent the opposition from scoring but with the exception of Wednesday’s contest the Capitals are simply failing to score enough goals lately. As some have noted, Boudreau’s new defensive style is like having a race horse pull a carriage. The Caps just aren’t built to play this way. And it shows.

The Capitals will be up in Buffalo on Sunday afternoon. We’ll see you right here after the game. Now if you’ll excuse me… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.