The $5 rules: Advice from off-off-off Loop theater pro to the IL GOP

November 7, 2011

What's up Illinois?! Ron Paul in the house! More than 3,600 people voted in the Illinois Republican straw poll over the weekend. The Ill. GOP needs cash, apparently to help with the 2012 election, so they charged people $5 to vote in this informal poll. Now, $5 might seem like it goes a long way (3,600x5=$18k) but party leaders really should've talked with some local off-Loop theater companies who actually have experience with $5 tickets before settling on that amount. Why? Because while $18,000 might seem like nice pull, my bet is the party overlooked a few things. Did you pay the door guy yet? How 'bout props? Did you have any props at your straw poll (straw hats, perhaps)? And do you have the rights to the "Straw Poll" script? And are you paying the actors (in this case, candidates)? And the wrap party? Did you pay for the wrap party?

My guess is that the Ill. GOP has about $1,200 left. My advice? Spend it on a new set.

C story: In my regular Monday morning "give me a break" segment, I focus on two of our state's esteemed leaders. Cardinal George and Gov. Pat Quinn got into a spat over the weekend, and the rape victim at the center of the brawl (she was going to receive an award) has hurt feelings. Then the Cardinal backtracks, saying he didn't even know she was involved. Cardinal, let me explain: I've been in many shoving matches. If you want to have a shoving match with another dude, first thing you want to do is make sure someone isn't standing between you. That's just obvious, right? Fighters, am I right?

D story: Wow, I guess it's good that no Illinois Congressman is on the list of the top 50 richest members of Congress? I wonder where Obama would rank if he were still in the Senate. Now, my question has to be: Do people who run for congress know that they can become millionaires? Is it sort of a move to take your financial status to the next level? Or are they rich before and just do it cause they are bored.

Weather: So dark. So cold. So dark and cold. Remind me why I don't live in Phoenix again? Oh right, the dust storms.

Sports: The Bears play another game on Monday Night Football tonight. They draw the Philadelphia Eagles, a team coined "The Dream Team" at the beginning of the season. The Eagles dropped mad cash in free agency to bolster the team, but have stumbled early. However, they just destroyed the Dallas Cowboys last week and all eyebrows are partially raised. Is this team legit? The Bears win tonight in Philly and we will be looking at a team that is sort of a carbon copy of the 2010 squad, which managed to get to the NFC Championship game. Now, I'll give the Bears a bit of credit. This is what we want from our NFL franchise. To be relevant late into the season. If they were 1-6 right now, nobody would care. But they are in the thick of it, so we have a national audience. Please, please, please Lovie - do not sh*t the bed tonight. We watched the other marquee games live up to their hype this weekend, so finish strong.

Right now, Chicago has switched back to Wildcat town, shunning the over-hyped Illini.The Northwestern win over Nebraska was prime time. The Wildcats under Pat Fitzgerald are always good for at least one or two games like this a year. How many are the Illini good for? And stinker award goes to the Blackhawks, who played their new arch rival Vancouver last night at the UC. Not a good showing. They were blown out, 6-2. That's not what we want to see.

So to recap: We want to see the Wildcats. We don't want to see the Blackhawks. We hope to see more of the Bears.

Kicker: This is the week of 11/11/11, which means that Amy Krouse Rosenthal's Beckoning of Lovely project is due. This film has been in the works for three years. Seriously, I remember we did a Writers' Block Party episode on 8/08/08, and the launch of the project in June 2008. She's having a big party/show release at 11am on 11/11/11 at Millennium Park. I'll be there!!!!!

Here's the first video that started it all. It's called 17 things i made: