It is Sunday today and 60º. I am tad more positive, which has been kind of hard to feel lately. I was thinking that day 2 of the pills I would be able to breath really well and feel like my old self. I'm thinking maybe that is more of a day 3 kind of thing. But . . . that sounds negative too.

Pills have been brutal on me as I am forced to eat a lot, take other pills to make these pills keep the other pills down. How many times can I say 'pill' in a sentence. Pill. I am hopeful that my body will get used to the crappy way the pills make me feel as this is definitely better than the alternative.

I keep hearing: "You need to stay positive" "You need to be strong" "You need to eat" and I want to curl up in my bed, just keep sleeping and pretend this has all been a bad dream.

So . . . right now . . . in this moment . . . when I push the save & publish button, I will be putting on my tennis shoes, going outside and smelling the gift that we Connecticut people have been given today: warmer fresh air. Then I'll go take a small walk. I know being outside will help bring out the positive.

Big love to you all - the gifts, donations, food, thoughts/prayers and cards have all been really helpful in my positive process to beat the cancer - and I have been in awe over all the love. Truly. Speechless.