​

Do You Have the Life You Want?

So many people feel they have to fit in with what they consider the ‘norm’ of life. Filling their lives with ‘should’s’ – ‘must’s’- ‘ought’s’. Creating expectations they feel they should live up to.

That was me for many years, trying to get the approval of my teachers, at the same time trying to fit in with my peers. The result was that I didn’t succeed in either. By trying to fit in with others I didn’t study enough and failed my exams. This meant I couldn’t get into design college. Instead I took a job my mother organised for me, and I accepted it, because I wanted to please her. I spent many years in jobs I didn’t enjoy or fit in with. It was all I knew and it was my norm.

I didn’t know who I was, but I didn’t understand that I was absorbed spending my time and effort being what I thought others wanted me to be. It was a pretty futile thing to do, as I didn’t have a clue what they wanted me to be, I could only guess. Deep down I was miserable and unhappy, but not having any idea of what I wanted or how to go about it.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

Do you recognise any of this?

It took far too long to follow my passion and create the world I wanted – My World

I hit rock bottom, and only then did I start to clamber out of the hole I was in and discover who I was and start creating the world I wanted, on my terms.

At that point I felt a sense of freedom. I started to understand who I was. What made me ‘Wendy’. Unique and individual, with my own core beliefs and values. Once I recognised this, I stopped being that people-pleaser. I took back my power.

It felt good – and still does.

So discover who the real you is. Start by asking yourself if you try to seek approval from others. Perhaps unconsciously you act differently with different people – your boss, your parent, your friends, your partner. If you answer yes, then ask yourself why.

I am not suggesting that if you use bad language when with your friends, that you do the same with your grannie. There is a difference between being respectful and considerate and behaving in a particular way to gain acceptance.

Be curious and then if you feel you want to make changes, acknowledge you have taken the first step. You cant make radical changes overnight, but you can take those small steps to creating