“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”–W. C. Fields

“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”–Homer Simpson

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”–Dean Martin

“There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”–Benjamin Franklin

“I don’t care how liberated this world becomes – a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume – and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.”–Doug Coughlin (Cocktail)

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”–Winston Churchill

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”–Jack Handy

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”–W. C. Fields

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”–W. C. Fields

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they are going to feel all day.”–Frank Sinatra

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline… it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”–Frank Zappa

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”–Humphrey Bogart

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”–George Burns

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