Phone Conversations

After this conversation Clay told me it’s very difficult to talk to me on the phone when he’s at his desk where other people can hear him.

Clay- Hullo.

(long pause)

Clay- How?

Clay- You couldn’t get out?

Clay- Did he hurt you?

Clay- Why didn’t the kids hear you screaming?

Clay- I do feel sorry for you.

Clay- Are you okay now?

Clay- No, I’m not laughing.

Clay- Bad rooster.

Clay- Bad, bad rooster.

Clay- I don’t think it was the kids’ fault.

Clay- Okay, okay, sorry.

Clay- I have to go.

Clay- No….no… I do feel sorry for you.

Clay- I didn’t lock you in the chicken coop.

Clay- Yes, you should go lie down.

Clay- I have to go, but it’s not because I don’t feel sorry for you.

Clay- Yes, you sound stricken.

Clay- The door is broken?

Clay- Is Seth fixing it?

Clay- Very bad rooster.

Clay- I really do have to go. But, I love you and I’m glad the rooster didn’t hurt you and I know it wasn’t your fault. Because it never is……

*****

Me- Hello.

Mom- Is this my sweet darling daughter?

Me- Hi Mom.

Mom- Your father needs to talk to you about a fund raiser for the Vurtus (which is sorta the name of my kids’ school but not quite and I’ve given up trying to get her to pronounce it correctly.) So here he is……HARRY! April’s on the phone! She wants to talk to you about your bike ride!

Dad- Hello?

Me- Hi Dad.

Dad- Hi.

Me- So, you want to talk to me about a fund raising bike ride?

Dad- Uh-huh.

Mom- Harry! Tell her about the presentation!

Dad- What presentation?

Mom- People will want to see a presentation!

Dad- Why? I don’t want to do a presentation. That’s what April is going to do.

Me- I’m going to do a presentation? To who? When? What?

Dad- I just want to ride the bike.

Mom- You are going to have to take the bike and make the presentation! People won’t understand what you’re trying to do for the Vurtus!

Dad- Martha! You don’t know the first thing about biking people! They don’t need to see a presentation!

Mom- Harry! I’m not talking about the biking people! I’m talking about the Vurtus people!

Dad- That’s what April’s going to do. She can do that.

Me- Uh.

Mom- You can not make April explain your biking to Vurtus!

Me- Er.

Dad- Oh for crying out loud!

Me- Okay. I think you both have some sort of weird and obscure valid point that someone in the cosmos is going to understand, but I’m going to get off the phone now. Good talking to you both. Love ya…..

Mom- Oh, well, okay Honey. Good grief, your father is so stubborn! Now line up those babies all in a row and give them a big hug and kiss for me.

I’m sure my husband feels simliarly to yours when I call to tell him about the goat’s diarehha or the dog trying to eat the chickens or any of the daily ridiculousness that goes on here!I also love your convo with Mom and Dad, too funny!

Ahahaha — put me in the role of your husband, cause when my husband calls me at work my side of the conversation is usually “No, it’s okay, whats up?” “I don’t know.” “I just said: I don’t know.” “Seriously, I have no clue.” “Okay.” “OH-KAY.” “OOOHHHH-KAAAAYYYY, I need to go now.” “Yup. I love you too.” “Yes, I do.” “It’s okay, bye.”

Sorry that’s so long I am just cracking up thinking about taping people’s spousal phone conversations while at work…

after a few glances saying: “are you okay?” “no seriously…are you all right?” a stare which read: “okay, really, this is getting out of hand,” and finally a withering glare of: “what the hell’s the matter with you, lady?!” my dog just moved across the bed from me because i was jostling her too much whilst quaking with laughter. 😀