Chode

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Appearing in a vocabulary near you, Chode is a word that has frequently sparked controversy mainly due to the fact that no one truly knows what it means. Various definitions exist in the real word. Jack Berg, for example, has a chode. It is very chode like. In recent years, especially with the invention of the intenetz, the word has become moar integrated into society and, naturally, has produced more lulz among certain groups of people, mainly, people who either:

Heard the word their first time and LOL'd

LOL about it and can't believe chodes actually exist or

Actually have chodes and hope their LOL's cover up their grotesque deficiency.

Heard it and thought using it as a character's name in their unfunny show on Sci-Fi might make it watchable. (Spoiler alert: [it doesn't]

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According to Oxford Dictionary, chode is actually the past-tense form of chide, which means to yell at someone really loud or to approach someone in anger. Some examples of this word used in common parlance include the Bible and anyone on FanFiction.Net that uses the word yelled or scolded too much in their story so s/he clicks for synonyms in MS Word and comes up with chode. Clearly, no one uses the word chide, chided, or chode anymore for such purposes unless they're trying to come off as educated or clever.

The G-rated version defines chode a moron or redneck. They claim this is actually from John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath, in which one of the character's names is Tom Joad, which sort of sounds like chode. Obviously, if you believe this, you are already a moron and should take every available opportunity to call yourself a chode. Even so, if you knew this definition without reading this article or stumbling upon it prior, you may have a chode, which you will read on about later.

Some argue that chode is actually the name of a three-eyed, purple alien who is vertically challenged and runs some shitty spaceship on a TV show. Of course, this TV show originates from Canada and anytime the Canadians claim to have invented a word - or anything else - the rest of the world laughs at their faggotry.

The most well known definitions of the word chode are dirty. One reasonably uncommon dirty definition is "a mixture of blood, shit, and semen". Obviously, the only time this would come up in conversation is from a sick fuck describing his Saturday night to someone via MSN Messenger. Another definition is the skin between ones sack and crack. This definition is common amongst people who grew up in Mormon based communities or who just refuse to believe there exist real life examples of the following defnition.

The true definition of the word is as follows: chode is used to describe a cock that has more girth than length. That's right - a dick that's fatter than it is long. Since true chodes are supposedly rare, it is often generically used to refer to a small, stubby, possibly misshapen penis. This is the most accepted definition; anyone who thinks differently probably has a chode himself. This meaning of the word originated from the British comic Viz, and was originally spelled "Choad".

Chodes are very special in that they are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to cocks. No woman worth her salt would ever date a man who has a chode, let alone sleep with one, unless they are very fat or are a twisted combination of blind and quadriplegic. Even gay people can't stand the chode because it won't wedge itself far enough into their ass, making them sad. Typically, owners of chodes are really, really fat men who jerk off repeatedly, thus increasing the aging of their cock and decreasing the size even further. These people will typically cry often, have man boobs, and will wear pants that, when they sit down, will give them the appearance of a camel toe. Or, if they're truly sick fucks, they will find pleasure in fucking their dog, because a dog can't laugh. These men are doomed to be basement dwellers their entire lives. Woe to them.

Fat emo kids have chodes.

Also, it is documented azns can be victims of chodes. To them, there is still hope of finding someone, or something, because their are millions of Americuntweeaboos who want anything azn. Just squint your eyes further and smile. Unless, of course, you're fat, which is a double-whammy for an azn. For these types of people, they no longer have chodes - it's too far sunk in to be called a chode anymore. The word to describe it? There are none. For now, just use "too small to be called a chode" in your match.com profile.

It was once believed that one could easily detect a chode based on ethnicity. However, modern man, desperately insecure about his wang size, has conducted many clearly unbiased studies suggesting this isn't true. Many studies have actually dispelled the myth of niggers having large cocks, stating nigra cocks are actually about the same size as that of the white man on average. Typically, though, Azns and Indians are likely to suffer from the short dick syndrome.

Furthermore, it should be noted that there's a general rule regarding chodes and dick sizes: the more one boasts about the size, the smaller it truly is. Kind of like a reverse-Pinocchio rule, amirite?