Slightly Tilted: Why I Hate the First Day of School

“You homeschool, Jen. Why would you hate the first day of school?” you ask.

Well, dear reader, I’m glad you asked because I’m about to tell you.

The first day of school makes me a jealous monster who questions her whole life existence and everything I feel, believe, and know to be true for my family. It also makes me feel old because all the people I grew up with are now parents of kids that are in school. It reaffirms the fact that I am no longer…young. Carefree. Wrinkle-less. Mortgage-less. Cellulite-less.

In short, I become a sobbing mess that no one wants to be around. Aren’t you glad you asked?

It’s humbling to admit that I’m jealous of those who are child-free during most of the week. I’m jealous of the guilt-free time you have to yourself, whether at work or at home. I’m jealous because you get to drop them off, know they are getting a good education, and get to see their friends. I’m jealous because no one is questioning your choice every day.

Yep. Jealous, I say.

YES, I know homeschooling is “a choice you made, Jen. You can always send them, you know.” YES, I know. Thank you for reminding me. I like to homeschool. I really do. BUT, that doesn’t stop me from being jealous that one day of the year.

Because that one day is the day that makes me question all the other days.

That one day, when everyone has all their school supplies in new backpacks and have their pictures made by happy parents who are about to be “FREE, I tell you, FREE!” makes me want to crawl back under the covers and hibernate with a bottle of wine with my bedroom door locked. That one day, when the parent doesn’t have to find an activity for their children or yell at them to put away their iPad or make them all the meals and do all the stuff and be their everything all day long…is tough for jealous people like me.

But, I’ll get over it.

I know it’s just the day. The first day of school. It’s the same struggle all of us face; wanting to be with your child but desperately wanting to be away, too. The struggle is real and not just for some parents – I’m pretty sure ALL parents, whether you want to admit it or not.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids. I’m quite certain you do, too. I just don’t always enjoy spending most of my waking moments with them. Yes, it’s hard to send them off to school. (Katelynn went to kindergarten and I cried my eyes out that first day.) The first day is emotional – it means that they’re old enough to be away from you and start kindergarten (sob!), or old enough to be in a grade where there are dances (gulp!), or it may be the last time you send them off to school at all (sob! gulp! ugly cry!).

But at the same time….happy dance! They are there, and you are…wherever they aren’t for a while. That’s also a blessing, right? Am I alone here, or do you feel the same?

So, when you see me on the first day of school and you are kid-free and happy and all glowy and I’m snippy and cranky and have mascara lines down my face, please remember: I’m really so very happy for you.

2 Comments

Girl… after spending the last few weeks with not just my son, but also my teenaged nephew… making all the meals, figuring out what we can do to keep them from becoming one with the tech… I am so reminded that homeschooling is NOT for me. (Now and then I fleetingly feel it could be an option.) I have had to almost physically stop myself from telling my husband at 9pm at night I was going to just go see a movie by myself. ANYTHING to get out of the house and away from the chores and lists and PEOPLE.

I will accept your jealousy, and raise you a head hung in respect for your skills.