Email: dennischarlesearl@hotmail.com

Here’s something that’s never been seen before. Eleven years ago, when it was still on terrestrial radio, The Howard Stern Show announced a cool contest. They were looking for song parodies from listeners. One of the longtime staples of the show are these goofy versions of familiar songs that are played, depending on their quality, relentlessly during broadcasts. The show was looking for new submissions and prepared to reward the top 3 entrants with, if I remember correctly, cash prizes.

Listening to this, I thought, “What the hell? Let’s give it a go.”. So, I attempted to put down on paper ridiculous lyrics to several classic rock songs. Unfortunately at the time, nothing I worked on was ever completely ready to be exposed. Plus, there was another problem. I had no access to a recording studio nor proper equipment of my own to use. Granted, the presentation didn’t need to be super professional but I didn’t know how to tape my vocal with new words over an existing song that already had someone singing on it. So, ultimately I gave up on the contest.

But I didn’t give up on the parodies. “Howard Stern” is my goof on The Beatles’ Hey Bulldog. I tried to follow the Weird Al formula when I was working on the new lyrics which explains why some of the lines are directly taken from the original. After not being completely satisfied with it in 2000, I revisited it in 2006 and finally finished it off. The chorus is a little dated now (since Stern’s move to Sirius/XM five years ago, the FCC have not been a factor) but it captures the spirit of that period. (Interestingly, that section was one of the ’06 revisions.) Like Warlock In The Wind, I would love to see it recorded someday.

HOWARD STERN(Parody of Hey Bulldog)
By Dennis Earl

Cool job
Talking on the air
Small knob
You know it isn’t fair

Some think that righteousness is measured out in fines
The morons of the FCC have lost their minds

Genius
No one understands
Penis
In your sweaty hands

Some think that jealousy is measured out in fears
The Christian Right have lots of earwax in their ears

Why can’t you be free?
Why can’t you be free?
Why can’t you be free?
Everybody should just let you be.

(Guitar Solo)

Boobies
You like ‘em big and small
Doody
Your favourite word of all

All kinds of naked chicks pass through your guarded doors
If I was in your shoes, I’d make them all my whores

Why can’t you be free?
Why can’t you be free?
Why can’t you be free?
Everybody should just let you be.