Security services warned of "armed Olympians"

High tech spears capable of deadly accuracy, circular spinning missiles, pointy swords and up to the minute bows and arrows are among weapons security services will be looking for, as Olympians start to arrive in the UK this summer. The weapons may be undetectable to standard airport scanning devices, yet could cause havoc in the wrong hands. So called armed Olympians have, it's claimed, been training to use these deadly devices in the full glare of international publicity since they were children.

"The nightmare scenario is one in which an archer/sniper targets a rooftop missile battery and as the operator falls he accidentally unleashes a rocket which shoots down one of our fighters which in the process accidentally discharges its lethal payload of guided bombs on the Olympic accommodation of a "contentious" state, triggering a global conflict of unheard of dimensions," enthused one security expert.

But yesterday another threat emerged that airport security will find harder to combat. It's understood that some Olympians will forego weapons of any kind, resorting instead to high levels of expertise in specialist forms of unarmed combat. "In comparison with an explosive device or a firearm, this expertise might appear less harmful" one police officer said. "But if these combatants are allowed in to the UK, it could be a slap in the face for security services."