A 10-year-old girl has won a competition to design the official emblem for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee to be held next year, providing Her Majesty doesn’t die before then.

Katherine said she was ‘cautiously excited’ that her design was going to be used, assuming the Queen makes it through till February 2012, but ‘didn’t want to get her hopes up too much in case she dies.’

Brian Griffiths, a 32 year old children’s TV presenter, has claimed that his role is insufficiently challenging, and that TV bosses are failing to properly utilise his talents.

‘Honestly, a two-year old could do this stuff,’ he reveals in a soul-baring interview with the Radio Times. ‘I did two seasons at the Leicester Playhouse, and two at the National. People still stop me in the street to comment on my ‘Little Dorrit’, and yet look at me now, leaping up and down alongside some crazy-haired bimbo in yellow dungarees; singing a song about how kangaroos can bounce up and down. Really? They can? No shit!’