As you all know by now, my country (Canada) has been passing some interesting laws. A few years back, Toronto and Vancouver have legislated themselves "Nuclear Free Zones" probably based on the theory that the only forms of life to survive a nuclear exchange will be cockroaches and lawyers.
Last year, Toronto enacted laws making it legal for women to walk around topless in public. Personally, I'd rather not see most men topless either on aesthetic grounds.
Now Regina has done Toronto one better. It seems a lady and her neice had some car trouble and were forced to hitch hike. Hours passed with nobody willing to stop for them so aunt B-cup (sorry, couldn't resist) went topless to attract a ride. She was arrested for "distracting" motorists. This is the same law that prevents garish, American-style billboards on our highways. Well, it came to court and the judge has ruled that women's breasts are not a distraction. Not only will this reduce the number of needless summer accidents, but it should help in the case of the men who want to be Hooters servers on the grounds that there is no appreciable difference between the breasts of the two sexes.

02/10/98

A guy at a party over the weekend was showing off by trying to explode a blasting cap without much success. His buddy saw this and said, "Give that here. You're doing it all wrong." He then put it in his mouth and bit down hard. He was right. I guess you just have to use your head to achieve proper results. Evolution was cheated as all he managed to do was blow off his lips, teeth, and tongue. So I don't want to hear any of you complaining about hangovers anymore.

02/04/98

A "Duck, Bill." Platitude

Organizers said five people, equipped with stocks of pies, appeared to be involved. There were unconfirmed reports the pie was thrown by Noel Godin, a Belgian prankster who has made a name for himself and a lucrative business out of hurling custard pies in the faces of the rich and famous. His targets have included philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy and filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard.

A Microsoft spokesperson said Gates was "surprised and disappointed" but unhurt by the attack.

It is interesting to note that Gates had just come from a meeting with world and business leaders in the Swiss ski resort of Davos. Hmmm... Davos... Davros... Hmmmm...