Thursday, April 22, 2010

I picked up the kids from the cryobank the other day and took them for a little afternoon stroll through Los Angeles on their way to the fertility clinic.

Remember, prevention is the best medicine. SAFETY FIRST!!

But seriously, if I got into a car accident, I did NOT want to be covered in year old semen.

Seriously.

Ick.

While I was lugging this 15lb tank of sperm the 4 blocks to the fertility clinic I found myself with some extra time to think. First thought: "I really should be carrying these miniature albino tadpoles around in a stroller instead of a clunky steel aquarium." Second thought: "If this whole thing works out the way we're planning, I could be carrying 1/2 of our future kid(s) right now." That, my friends, is a very strange thought. Thought number 3: "What if I get mugged and they steal my honeypot of baby batter?" I started getting nervous and began walking faster, turning my mind towards the more comforting things we get to experience on this marvelous and romantic journey; pelvic exams and ovarian cramps, etc. etc. SCIENCE!

The finish line for this cycle is not too far off. Egg retrieval is tentatively set for Monday or Tuesday next week depending on how things develop over the next couple of days. Follicle count has leveled out a bit and is standing at 20 on the right and 19 on the left. The follicle sizes are pretty much even across the board (which the nurses say is a good thing) with the largest follicle measuring at 14.6mm (ironically, 14.6 has always been my lucky number). They've backed my Follistim injections down from 150 to 75 units daily. I told them I was an over achiever but I don't think they took me seriously. I sure hope my ovaries don't over achieve their way to my abdomen exploding.

I still feel pretty puffy in my stomach so I've been drinking water and Gatorade like a fish / Gatorade spokesman. My egg retrieval surgeon said Gatorade helps fend off OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome). Sure, sure. Whatever you say lady. At this point I'd chug a gallon Bean-o if I thought it would lessen my bloated Winnie the Pooh tummy.........

On a side note, I think all these extra hormones have finally kicked in. I watched Blindside with Sandra Bolluck this afternoon and balled like my family dog died. I'm not much of a crier.......so chalk another new one up to the continuing IVF saga.

And (naked) I have a SLIGHTLY rounded little tummy. That unexpected little development does not bode well and has made me realize that I should maybe start applying Cocoa Butter quickly..........just in case. :)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Went in for a date with the ol' doctor again on Tuesday. They wanted to check the status of all things girly-good since I've been hopped up on Lupron.

I guess they're looking to get a baseline on the ovary production before starting me on the REAL drugs - the hard stuff. You know, the ones that make you hulk out one minute and then cry over birds chirping the next.

Truth be told, even though we're probably a solid half way through our cycle, we still feel pretty clueless as to how and why this all works. Most of the time I find myself just nodding and smiling when it seems appropriate. The doctor says I'm going to be getting two drugs in 20 injections over 14 days shot into my abdomen and I smile. She tells me she's going to squirt ink into my cervix and I nod. She tells me I have to shove a pill into my hoo-hoo like some sort of reverse suppository and I giggle, reminded of some story regarding a coffee enema made from a home made douche kit and an empty 2 liter bottle of Coke.

Normally this sort of ignorance really troubles me. Generally when faced with the unknown I consult my magic 8-ball and if that turns up empty I turn to Google, spending hours and hours pouring through and over various case files, sweating and clamming up at the calamity I'm in. Honestly, some would say I'm a bit neurotic......personally, I prefer the term thorough, but to each his own.

The good news, though, is that all of our happy ignorance, our blissful naivety, good juju and positive kharma have payed off! My endometrial lining is at 4.7 - which is right where it needs to be (so sayeth the good Doctor), my right ovary has 19 follicles and the left one has 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember they said before that anything above 10 is considered excellent? My ovaries are graded A plus-PLUS! EXTRA CREDIT!

So, another milestone passed and now we're on to Follistim. This is the REAL drug - the one that makes all the magic happen. If Lupron was a gateway drug, this stuff is heroin and it even comes in this weird little nifty pen thingy that's sort of like a reusable syringe...it's the little things in life...

I went to pick up the last round of meds from the pharmacy today and dropped almost $1,400.00. That IS a lot of money but thankfully (because of my stellar little ovaries) it was a LOT less than what we were anticipating. The lady in line behind me looked at me really funny when the sales clerk told me my total. I could just see the wheels in her head turning and wondering what the hell I was picking up. As the pharmacist handed me my gift bag overflowing with drugs and needles she said that she hoped to never see me again. I smiled too and said I hoped so as well. I wanted to tell the lady behind me that I was purchasing injections from the Fountain of Youth. I wanted to tell her that I was 62.

I brought my drugs home and put them up on the counter to start putting everything away and had to laugh. It looks like a junky lives here! Some sort of pharm head...

This baby making stuff is SEXY!

That said, I am becoming a little concerned about John's well being and current mental state. My husband, who is notoriously phobic about needles - even going so far as to pass out when he gets his blood drawn - has been taking the injections quite well. Perhaps....TOO well. When he comes home from work, usually the first words out of his mouth, through the door, are something to the effect of, "FOUR MORE HOURS 'TIL SHOT TIME!!" When I told him this evening that he had to start giving me two shots a night his eyes lit up.

More on this as it develops.

On another note, I was at the grocery store picking up some last minute things the other night and had to grab a jug of milk. I was checking the expiration dates to find a good one when it occurred to me that, if all things go well, we could be pregnant before this milk curdles and expires.

Monday, April 5, 2010

(and hopefully forever because I hate them and will never forgive them for that extra 10lbs they gifted me freshman year - college not high school).

Now, I realize that in the crazy little world of IVF, THIS is not a big milestone BUT I am a neurotic psychopathic list person and love crossing things off. I get a thrill from the visual proof of accomplishment, gain, momentum, achievement, etc.

And today I get to cross off BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

In other news, the Lupron injections are continuing to go fairly well. I think I have managed to slip under the side effects radar pretty well - all except the insomnia. Like clockwork I wake up at 3:00am every morning and cannot for the life of me fall back to sleep. This makes me crabby (poor John) and is starting to make me look like I've been going a few rounds with Ali. That said, I suppose we can just chalk it up to baby practice. Plus, considering that one of the other side effects of Lupron is brain splitting migraines, I think I drew the long stick.

John has proved himself to be a fairly accomplished nurse through these injections as well. He even seems to like it - which I still haven't decided if I think is cute or creepy. It's definitely helpful having him around but the fact that he insists on wearing the little white skirt is a little disturbing.

The other night he stuck me with old pokey and somehow manged to hit a vein/blood vessel/blood filled wet noodle and that hurt and burned like a mother. It also gushed blood back out of the hole like it was trying to impersonate Ol' Faithful. John handled the situation and we moved on as if nothing happened. I am however still sporting a pretty healthy bruise 4 days later.

My next appointment isn't until the 13th. So until then we will just hold the fort and continue our nightly shots.

A question though......

I'm trying to decide if I should/need to tell my boss that we're doing an IVF cycle. I'm sure he'll be fine with it because he's a really nice guy with really great hair but I'm concerned that the discussion definitely borders on awkward. In a "normal" situation I would never dream of telling my boss that we were "trying" to get pregnant - so do those same rules apply here??????? Advice please. What did you all do? And if you did tell, how did you spill it?

Putting the fun in infertility? But there is no fun in infertility. To which we respond: EXACTLY.

We are John and Jade Brookbank and thanks to testicular cancer we don't have a nut between us, which means we'll just have to procreate the old fashioned way - through the miracle of test tube babies...and if that doesn't work we'll roll the dice on a turkey baster and a prayer.

INFERTILITY DOES NOT DEFINE US

A FUN RECAP

March 26, 2001An ill-fated meeting. The next four years marks a bizarre romance so sickly sweet I don't even dare to blog about it.

March 26, 2005Tied the noose! Decided to put off having kids for a while, as we were still pretty much kids ourselves, and jump start our careers. Plus we were having too much fun languishing in our independent and irresponsible young adult life.

Early 2008Started tentatively dropping hints to each other about it getting to be THAT time. Baby fever starts to silently creep into the psyche.