Last Week's Results

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Week 6 – PREVIEW

Fri, May 15, 2015

This weekend, we mark beginnings (sort of) with 10-ifer’s marriage to Mike V. Congrats you crazy kids! We also mark endings as we say goodbye to longtime WSL stud, Jeff Filthy Gutowski.“Filthy as Charged” will be having a good-bye soiree at Crown Victoria after the 5pm games and everyone from the league is invited!!! The Gibson will survive if we skip a Sunday, I promise.

11AM

Field #1: R Bar @ The Runaways ()

Watch out. Injured players are a delicacy

The Runaways have had a rough go of it since defeating the Loggers in Week 1. They have lost 4 straight and haven’t scored more than 6 runs in any of those losing efforts. Things don’t get any better this Sunday, as they will face off with an R Bar squad that is scoring 20 runs on everyone right now. The Bums are showing the league that their 2 loss season last year was no fluke, jumping out to a 4-1 record so far in 2015.

Both teams are a little banged up heading into their Week 6 match-up. Reigning WSL Home Run Champ, Bubbs, is on the mend from a twisted ankle, as is his talented SS, Matt Seeman. The Runaways may be without the veteran presence of Ian and his dusty blue jeans, after a hard fall left him seeing stars last weekend.

Can the Bums overcome the injury bug to make it 5 wins in a row? Do the upset-minded Runaways have enough firepower left to get off the schneid? They kick it off at 11am, so check it out!

1PM

Field #1: Turkey’s Nest @ Clemerica (Shortz)

Clem’s are fired up after snagging their second ‘W’ of the season, whereas the former champs…not so much. Now comes the bittersweet storyline for Clemerica; will they or won’t they drive their battleship over Stryker’s part time lovers, the Boys of Summer? When I asked Stryker to comment, he sent me an article of dead cats being made to dance. That can only mean one thing, YOU ARE SICK! CATS ARE CUDDLY AND REGAL AND I HATE YOU!

The only bit of Turkey info I’ve squeezed out of the elusive J Disco ALL SEASON is articles on the success of his inflight magazine, Rhapsody(in White), that he started with fellow Turks member and victim of terrible candids, Sean Manning. Here’s what I’m talking about:

Last season, there was Clemerica smack talk of “47 beers” and “unloading all over your faces” but only one (and a quarter) of those things came to fruition as only 36 beers arrived and the unloading occurred on Clemerica’s faces…twice.

No matter who unloads on who this Sunday, I predict some post game drunken “hate sex” between the aforementioned lovers.

Field #2: AT United @ Gibson (Homer Wadsworth)

Last time I wrote about the Gibson, my editor called me into her office and chewed me out for getting on my soapbox, saying, “Wadsworth!!! Goddamit that’s not what you were hired for!!! I got half the Gibson up my ass for your shenanigans! Who the fuck do you think you are? I have half a mind to reveal your true identity, then you’ll really feel like you showed up to high school naked! Get out there and stay outta trouble…GODDAMMIT!” What? Who do I think I am? Why did I sign up for this other than to see my own copy in print and pass judgment on folks? I then realized that I am mad with editorial power. That, and Stryker quit.

This week’s game, Gibson vs. ATU, are 2 teams with coaches who are also mad with power and are wielding it like mother fuckers right now. The Gibson shut the door on the Runaways last weekend and ATU granted Enid’s their first loss of the season. I’d call this the game of the week if we had one. Gibson is rolling and ATU is picking up speed and becoming the big green machine GBlack told Lauck and PeteMo it would be. Look out for Phrank to hit a few dingers and challenge the depth of the Gibsonian OF.

Graham is seeing nothing but red now and ready to roll on any team that’s comes into his path. His new players are putting up the D and the runs are consistent this season. It’s a simple combo but the balance is the tough part. Will Will lock down the infield? Will Todd be lured by Vinny into the ATU tent once again and fall under the spell of cold cuts and 3rd base taxes? Tune in and find out.

3PM

Field #1: Black Betty @ Berry Park (Homer Wadsworth)

Toothless Halle Berry is torn between supporting her team and a delicious smoothie

I’ve written some nice things about the Yeti’s since I started for the WSL website. Its easy. They’re so nice! Even when they lose you’d think they won on the sidelines about an hour after the game. Beer has a lot to do with it, but now they have actual reason to be sad: The sweet, lovable Annie will be taking a teaching assignment down in Indiana!!! The team has already started a Kickstarter campaign for her return airfare and the faculty has been told that although September is when school starts it’s also the WSL playoffs; so the students are going to suffer here, obvs.

The Yeti’s won their season opener and since then railed off 4 losses in a row boasting a pretty good RF\RA stat, which is huge in a league that revolves around statistics. Pizza is still ruling the mound and was spotted last Saturday (do we talk about Saturday McCarren Softball around here?) wearing some sweet dungarees on the mound. The lineup is strong 1 through 13 and the Yeti’s are very capable of exploding for runs at any moment and rolling their opponent. Expect big games from Steph, Lynch and Winnie I hear they are spo’sed to be pretty good.

The Betty’s lost last week when Holland’s totally appropriate video was really well received by the 3Kings. They thought it was funny being called Queens and the whole food\italian thing was just hil-arious. The Betty bounce back and should have back their all-star Principal Pretto and SuperHarperMoon’sDad will be back patrolling the outfield with Supe being much more mindful of the baby carriages and baby mamas in the park. The team won’t be taking the Berries lightly and Holland has no script or screenplay that the WSL editorial staff are aware of at this point. If he did, he’ll have to record as a selfie and let’s really hope it doesn’t come to that.

Field #2: Impose @ Turkey’s Teachers (Shortz)

An apple a day…

Impose has been killing it…on every odd week. But as it’s week 6, this could be the Teacher’s first win of the season. All Haz has to do is week is tighten up that D and convince his crew to show up so he doesn’t have to steal bartenders from Turkey’s Nest 5 minutes before game time. In fact, I’ll give you some Impose tidbits to relay to your team.

Pitching. Pete’s pitching can appear tricky but it’s always over the plate so swing, preferably with your eyes open. He also never loses his cool out there, something to think about.

Offense. Here are some certainties: Palma loves to go opposite field. Godsy will either homer or fly out, and Palma’s brother Jon…well you’re screwed there, he always gets on base. I’d suggest using a rover on him, but he’ll out smart that move somehow.

Defense. Do not hit it to the following people: Pete on the mound (he has cat like reflexes), Palma at second (unless you feel like being emasculated), and Derek Evers at short (just don’t).

I’d tell you more, but we’ll save that lesson for scoring your second win. Now give me an apple! #imtheteachernow

5PM

Field #1: The Bedford @ Roebling Sports Club (Shortz)

Week 5 POTW’s bar goes up against…Week 5 POTW’s bar! Now for those not in the know, these two teams have a storied past. I give you the tale of Spike Hill and Reel2Reel:

The story begins with the inception of Spike Hill in 2010, when “a human”, formerly of R2R, left to start his own empire and brought a few other humans from R2R with him. Then, he put out one Craigslist advertisement, which produced one of the more charismatic players the WSL has ever seen, Jake Backerman. Y’all like Jake Backerman? Well that was said human’s doing, so lay off the Craigslists jokes (see O’Malley, I could bring up the past without mentioning you by name).

YOU’RE GOING DOWN, HOGAN! Is…that…full cheek?

Many years (and many Remy losses) later, this match up remains one of the better games of every season. Now led by The pink hair with the dragon tattoo and The guy who let the pink hair with the dragon tattoo make a prosthetic bite mark on his ass during the now completed movie, Hank Boyd Is Dead, this game will be full of playful heckles, said human pacing vigorously back and forth summoning the rules, and SUMO BUMPERS! If y’all don’t know what I’m talking about…GET READY TO LIVE!

Field #2: 3 Kings @ Crown Vic 86ers ()

Screw you guys, I’m goin’ home..BUT COME TO MY PARTY FIRST!

There is always more than one way to skin a cat. A phrase as true in softball as it is in psychotic episodes. For the 86ers, they have started their season at 4-1 and feature the league’s stingiest defense. However, 3 of those early wins have been by 1 run and they are averaging less than 8 runs of offense per game. 3Ks, on the other hand, have the most prolific offense in the WSL and are scoring over 17 runs per contest in their 4-1 start to the 2015 campaign. Something has to give, right? Will it be offense or defense? Regardless, someone is going to get their 5th win Sunday…unless it rains or something.

Sadly, this will be the final game for longtime 86er, Jeff Gutowski. He has relocated his family somewhere upstate and plans to abandon his teammates in the midst of their greatest start ever! Even after a walk off homer last weekend? Say it ain’t so! Even though he personally robbed me of at least a half dozen hits through the years, I hate to see him go. Good luck and godspeed, Jeff.