Brian Thompson: The good idea that wasn't

Everything seems like an amazing idea when it’s just that … an idea. In its infancy. Still formulating. Percolating in the recesses of your mind. Where you roll it around a bit, think it over and finally scream, “Daggone, this is genius!”

Sometimes it IS genius. Look at da Vinci, Einstein, the guy who came up with “Rocky and Bullwinkle.” They shook that bag of rocks atop their head and out popped ideas that changed the world.

But here’s the rub: How do the rest of us schnooks recognize the difference between “genius” and cockamamie ideas dreamt up in a bout of deliriousness, or a mild-overdose of cough medicine? You know, ideas we THINK are genius — Einstein-squared kind of stuff — but are more like Bullwinkle droppings.

And worse still, how do we prevent ourselves from actually — GASP!!! — following through on them? Because we always believe we’re on to something big. That we, too, are GENIUSES!!!

Too often, we’re wrong.

Like my idea. Oh, it was a doozy. Seeing as how I’m turning 40 — on Sunday, in fact — I got it into my head that before lurching into my fourth decade, I should run a race and beat my best time ever, which came way back in college.

Friggin’ genius!

Oh, and it seemed like a great idea when I dreamt it up. Glorious and achievable. A way to show the world, and myself, how smart and awesome I am. Ra-Ra-Me! Ra-Ra-Me! That I’m still young and strong and haven’t gained any common sense.

Only, as the race approaches I’m coming to realization that I might have been exposed to some toxic vapors during the idea’s conception.

What was I thinking!?! And why, weeks later, am I still buying into it? I’ve been running and training and preparing and generally cursing myself. The really sick thing is I ACTUALLY have a shot at beating my best time. And that has me pushing even harder.

Ahhhh! Why can’t I just realize it was an idiot idea spawned by a doofus!?!

So, while I come to terms with how my “genius” got me into this mess, I thought I would share some of what I’ve learned about recognizing, and even preventing, future bouts of hare-brained ideas:

Look around at your walls. Look specifically for framed degrees and awards — Ph.D. diplomas in quantum physics or Nobel Prizes in any of the respectable fields. See any? Of course not. That means your ideas can’t be trusted.

Does your wife trust you? For instance, if you’re out cutting down limbs off trees or operating heavy machinery, does she stand by the door with 911 partially dialed on the phone? Or kiss you before you head out while saying things like, “I have always loved you, and will miss you when you’re gone”? Or dig out rosaries buried deep in jewelry drawers? Those are really good indications that you’re off-track. Wives are really good at spotting hare-brained ideas. (Although, if that’s true, it doesn’t explain why they went through with marrying us.)

See what friends think. A good, early indication your idea is not genius is when you tell a friend, and he rubs his hands together and says, “Oh, man! I can’t wait to see this. Remember when you tested your idea for the hydraulic gator trap made out of pork and bean cans!”

Do your children run for cover whenever you say, “I’ve got it! What if we …”?

Have you ever tried to apply for a patent at the Post Office? A good sign you’re not a genius.

If you wake up in the middle of the night, nearly drowned in a puddle of nervous sweat and blurt out, “What was I thinking?!? This idea is stupidly crazy! I can’t do this!” but forget to write yourself a reminder for the morning.

I did this multiple times, even though I sleep with a notepad and two pens next to my bed, just to head off my own stupidity! Missed all the warming signs. I’m still running. Still thinking I’m on to something. Still thinking I’ll be up there with Einstein and that guy who thought up the cartoon squirrel and moose. Genius!

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