One of the countless requirements the Environmental Protection Agency hobbles the economy by inflicting is the use of cellulosic ethanol by the millions of gallons when refining oil. This flaky green rule, no doubt imposed to ease the imaginary plight of man-eating polar bears, is particularly onerous because cellulosic ethanol is a theoretical substance that does not exist:

“As ludicrous as that sounds, it’s fact,” says Charles Drevna, who represents refiners. “If it weren’t so frustrating and infuriating, it would be comical.”

And Tom Pyle of the Institute of Energy Research says, “the cellulosic biofuel program is the embodiment of government gone wild.”

Refiners are at their wit’s end because the government set out requirements to blend cellulosic ethanol back in 2005, assuming that someone would make it. Seven years later, no one has.

“None, not one drop of cellulosic ethanol has been produced commercially. It’s a phantom fuel,” says Pyle. “It doesn’t exist in the market place.”

And Charles Drevna adds, “forcing us to use a product that doesn’t exist, they might as well tell us to use unicorns.”

But the fines they have to pay for not using the imaginary substance are real enough.

[R]efiners are now suing the EPA, in part because the mandate gets larger and larger — 500 million gallons this year, 3 billion in 2015 and 16 billion in 2022.

Why not make it a zillion trillion gallons? That would put the requirement on a scale with the debt Obama is running up to finance his bureaucracy.

We hear that a lot form REGRESSIVES who demand that OTHER PEOPLE come up with solutions. “Cut oil production and we’ll get efficent electric cars”. “Cut meat production and we’ll get vegetable substitutes that taste like beef”. “Increase government spending and we’ll have prosperity”.

Since we’ll soon be ordered by EPA fiat to use dilithium crystals to power autos next, I suppose we should ask Gene Rodenberry’s descendants where we might get some. Queen Nancy and Bathhouse Barry would say that these insane types of regulations create jobs and cause people to invent rather than face fines. That is what fundamental change looks like.

The refiners should demand that the EPA attorneys and Obama himself appear in open court wearing suits made entirely of cellulosic ethanol -then we will all be able to see the Emperor’s new outfit together.