This Week in Soapland: 9 - 13 July

Emmerdale's Zak Dingle tracks down his buried stash and Simon Barlow's birthday party ends in another showdown in Weatherfield

With Zak back in the village and the loan sharks in need of their money, the Dingle patriarch attempts to track down his buried stash. Is it tucked under his cap? Or maybe lodged within the wilds of his beard? No, Zak believes it’s up on the moors and takes a shovel to prove his point. Paddy is also a man with big plans, only his involve moving to New Zealand with Rhona. Seems a drastic way of avoiding another one of Pearl’s garish birthday jumpers…

Two missing items are causing anguish: the mobile phone on which Kat is receiving saucy texts from her secret lover and the photo frame that Ben wielded to clobber Hev. But if the thought of all that frantic searching (and incandescent raging from Phil) is setting you on edge, then here are two words that, when combined, will guarantee a smile: “Kim” and “paintballing”. Believe me, Rambo wouldn’t stand a chance.

Burglars have set foot in fewer houses than young Amy Barlow, and now Tracy is schlepping her daughter round to Emily’s after Steve sells No 13 out from under her. Also getting used to a new location is Carla’s hunky brother Rob, who goes from stitching mailbags to stitching knickers when he swaps prison for Underworld. Young Simon Barlow for one won’t be recommending life on the Street – his birthday party ends with Peter launching Nick over a trestle table following yet another set-to.