While Patrick and Robin have a wedding (officiated by Emma), Sabrina swears Felix to secrecy about her pregnancy, not wanting to pull a Britt on Patrick. Lulu has no viable eggs, possibly because of her freezing on Cassadine Island, and since her only example of a coping mechanism comes from Luke and involves leaving town, she decides to do that. (Apparently she's still mad at Dante for not committing perjury so they could keep the baby.) Maxie's mystery visitor is Nathan West, who will be subletting her apartment while she's gone. He's also the New York detective who's been trying to get in touch with Silas. Britt claims to feel bad about Lulu's situation, but still not bad enough to start telling the truth. Sam and Silas finally Do It, so if he ends up in jail, at least he'll have that memory to keep him warm at night.

As far as I can tell, Sabrina has two options: abortion or lying about who the baby's father is. Oh, Carlos....

Also, Teresa Castillo is really pregnant, which is the best-timed pregnancy since Rebecca Herbst in the middle of the Elizabeth-sleeps-with-both-Nikolas-and-Lucky storyline.

If it means I get a few weeks' break from Lulu, I fully endorse her leaving town.

Nathan looks like a combination of Jesse and Cooper, so Maxie definitely has a type. And I enjoy that he's a cop but dresses like a mobster.

January 3rd, 2014

Sonny runs into Morgan at the hospital and has a tense come-to-Jesus talk with him, inviting Morgan to shoot him if that's his ultimate goal. If it's not, he needs to leave the Jeromes. Morgan is pretty destroyed by what happened with Max, so he easily takes Sonny's advice. Meanwhile, Shawn tries to keep T.J. from telling the police what he witnessed at the warehouse, warning that he could put not just himself in danger, but also Molly. T.J. agrees to keep quiet so no one gets hurt. But Rafe overhears him and Molly talking, and he certainly didn't promise anyone that he would keep quiet, so he'll be telling Anna all about it. Thanks to his relationship with Anna, Duke is able to keep updated with where the case stands, so he knows that she can't prove that Sonny shot Max, and she can't figure out what really happened. Nathan applies for a transfer to the PCPD, enticing Anna with a possible connection between Silas and Ava's New York crime and the Jerome family. Anna makes him jump through some hoops but can't pass up the opportunity to bring down the Jeromes. By the end of the episode, he's hired and is ready to ruin Silas' great I-got-laid-on-New-Year's-Eve mood. Ava thinks everything is peachy with where Morgan stands, but Julian doesn't trust him and considers taking him out. Ava points out that he'll also have to get rid of T.J. and Molly, and killing the latter wouldn't exactly endear him to Sam. Rafe wants Molly back, but she wants to stick with T.J.

Why is Julian at all surprised that Morgan wants out? This is typical Morgan! He can't commit to anything!

I'm not sure exactly how much Rafe can tell Anna. It's not like he knows that Morgan shot Max.

Can we talk about the irony of T.J. being Mr. Moral about a shooting when he plays Lee Malvo in Blue Caprice?

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Patrick guessing pets Robin might want to get: "Donkey! Squirrel!"; Emma: "Does this involve me going to bed early?" and "By the power invested in me by...oh, yeah, you guys"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Anna's "stop jumping to conclusions" lessons for Nathan
Saddest moment: Once again, Dante got me more than Lulu did
Sweetest/cutest moment: Emma as wedding officiant
Least believable moment: Nathan sublet an apartment before he knew he had a job (though maybe he was jumping to another conclusion)
Best instance of continuity: The Quartermaines made defective condoms
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Nathan? I guess?
Most annoying characters: Monica, Lulu
Smartest character: Whoever set up Emma's stuffed animals as wedding guests
Dumbest character: I'm sure it's Ava, even if I can't think of a specific reason why
Best/most memorable moments of the week: 1. Robin and Patrick's "wedding"
2. Sonny and Morgan's conversation

The week in a nutshell:

Sabrina's pregnant but doesn't want Patrick to know.

Sonny convinced Morgan (though he didn't need that much convincing) to quit working for Julian.

Robin and Patrick renewed their vows.

Detective Nathan West transferred to Port Charles from the NYPD, on a mission to bust Silas and Ava.

Maxie left on her Eat Pray Love quest. Lulu left on an I'm-going-to-be-annoying-somewhere-else-for-a-while quest.

Rafe overheard T.J. and Molly talking about the warehouse mess and went to Anna.

Silas almost told Sam what happened in New York, but didn't. Then they had sex on New Year's Eve.

January 4th, 2014

Next week: Depending on how you feel about her, Carly's either in a bad position or gets what's coming to her.

January 6th, 2014

Julian tells Morgan that even if he were allowed to leave the organization (big if), he wouldn't be able to keep seeing Ava. Morgan still wants to leave, so Julian threatens to kill someone he loves. Morgan's out of ideas after that, so he has to stay put. Sonny and Shawn try to get T.J. out of town before Anna can find out he was at the warehouse, but thanks to Rafe, they're too late. Carly tells Michael and Kiki that she and Franco are dating; it goes over about as well as you'd think it would with Michael. He threatens revenge if Franco ever hurts his mother. Franco does worry that he'll hurt Carly, since he can't blame his tumor for what he did to Heather, but he should be more worried about Heather, who's stalking her son's girlfriend. Silas stonewalls Nathan for half an hour, then hides behind Diane. Nathan tries a new tack, going to Sam to find out if she knows anything. Franco freaks out when he thinks he sees Heather, but she's really Olivia. She wants to let him know that she doesn't think his tumor is a believable excuse for his behavior since Steven is also Heather's son and also a killer. Ava asks Carly to help her reconnect with Kiki, for some reason thinking that Carly would help the cougar who turned her son against his family. Michael and Kiki overhear Ava threatening Carly, as if Carly couldn't take her. Molly's worried that Sam and Silas' relationship will mean she has to spend more awkward time with Rafe.

I hate to give Julian ammunition, but if he really wants to make Morgan obey, he needs to threaten Josslyn.

"I'll just tell him the same thing I already said, and he'll magically change his mind!" Sure, Carly. Suuuuuuuure.

Hey, Kiki, you can just stay out of this. Michael's completely justified in hating Franco. Stop telling him to be quiet. YOU be quiet.

I loved those Olivia/Franco scenes. More Olivia, please!

January 7th, 2014

Julian decides to play on Sonny's assumptions about Morgan by sending Morgan over to him as a double agent. Morgan will pretend that he quit, then get info from Sonny and feed it to Julian. This means breaking up with Ava, though. Heather stalks Carly as she tells Sonny about her relationship with Franco. Of course Sonny can't change her mind about the psycho, but he urges her to trust Michael's judgment. Nathan can't get anything out of Sam (not that she knows anything about Silas' past anyway), so he shakes things up by mentioning that Silas is married. It's not clear if it's true, but that plus Ava's vague comments about Silas having secrets makes Sam wonder if she can really trust her new beau. Franco and Ava talk about Carly, including how Ava wants to hurt her, and how Franco will hurt Ava if she does. Rafe worries about putting T.J. in danger as Shawn keeps him from answering any of Anna's questions.

So we have Michael threatening Franco if anything happens to Carly, and Franco threatening Ava if anything happens to Carly. I think it's safe to say there's no "if" anymore.

Nathan = evil genius? Discuss.

Rafe, please don't talk to Silas about issues of morality.

January 8th, 2014

Silas confirms that he's married, but there's a lot more to the story: His wife, Nina, is brain dead and has been comatose for more than 20 years. Silas tried to have her removed from life support, but her parents kept her alive and banned him from seeing her because they thought he'd cheated. In fact, he did cheat, with Ava, which led to Nina's condition – when she found out about the affair, she tried to commit suicide. Nathan thinks that Silas actually tried to kill her. Morgan asks Sonny for protection, and though Sonny's upset about his betrayal and is rightfully suspicious of Julian, he promises that they'll work things out. Julian lets Ava in on his plans, including the news that she's going to have to break up with Morgan. Ava vows not to go down without a fight. Heather takes Carly to her house at gunpoint, telling her that Franco won't be able to track her down once she's killed Carly because he thinks Heather's already dead. Dante meets his new partner, Nathan, and since they're both Yankees fans, they immediately become BFFs. Lucy panics when she and Kevin run into Scott, and that's even before Scott declares his love for her again. Franco has a bad day, what with Scott avoiding him, Kevin bugging him about therapy, and Carly disappearing. Lulu didn't leave town after all, and is instead moping to Luke about how her stupid cop husband is so moral.

I predict that sometime in the next few weeks, we'll see casting news about Nina. Also, $5 says Nina is Nathan's mother.

So...Morgan accomplished nothing. Awesome.

Time to rename the show Someone Levels a Threat at Someone Who Asks, "Is That a Threat?"

By my count, this is Dante's fourth partner, after Lucky, Ronnie, and Delores. Yikes.

January 9th, 2014

Unable to find Carly, Michael and Bobbie think she spent the night with Franco. Franco says she didn't, but Michael, of course, thinks he did something to her. Heather stashes Carly in the Quartermaines' boathouse, having come up with a plan to kill her and make it look like she committed suicide. A.J.'s wandering around and almost finds her, because Heather sucks as a villain. Carlos finds out that Sabrina's pregnant and offers to raise the baby with her. Meanwhile, Felix tries to keep quiet about the baby around Patrick, but he's a horrible liar/secret keeper and gives in, telling him just as Robin comes into earshot. Robin catches up with Sonny, then witnesses a confrontation between him and A.J. Ava and Morgan find it really hard to break up.

I'm pretty sure Carly could tug on the end of that scarf and pull it out of her mouth.

Irony is people talking about the Robin-told-A.J.-that-Jason-wasn't-Michael's-father plotline just as a Sabrina-could-tell-Patrick-that-Carlos-is-the-baby's-father plotline might be kicking off.

I don't get it – is Ava in love with Silas or Morgan? It feels like it changes every day.

Kiki has now had more scenes with Franco than she has with Silas. Sigh.

January 10th, 2014

Carly's loved ones compare notes and determine that Sonny was probably the last person to see her before she went MIA. Michael hasn't cleared Franco as a suspect, but Morgan thinks Julian followed through on his threats to hurt someone Morgan loves to keep him in line. Heather delivers Carly's fake suicide note to Franco's hotel room, narrowly missing Ava. Kiki and Franco suspect that Ava did something to Carly, and as Kiki's interrogating her mother, Franco finds the fake note. A.J. almost finds Carly, but gets distracted when Monica lectures him about drinking and plays the Michael card to get him to go to an AA meeting. Morgan pretends to break up with Ava, telling Sonny that he only slept with her to get revenge on Kiki. Michael questions his loyalties in the wake of his sudden split with the Jeromes. Patrick is lost as to what to do next, and Robin isn't thrilled that they'll have to deal with a baby. Carlos practically begs Sabrina to go back to Puerto Rico with him and let him help her raise the baby. Shawn threatens Julian in an attempt to make him keep quiet over T.J. being at the warehouse.

I've never been so bored with a kidnapping plot.

I wish A.J. had rescued Carly. That would have been fun.

Pssst, Carlos, your desperation is showing.

Doesn't Julian have guards in the hallway? They suck.

Scorecard:Kidnapped: Carly Jacks

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Franco to Ava: "Do the other gangsters make fun of you?"; Ava re: Carly: "For someone in the hospitality industry, she's really not a people person"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Carly doesn't remember Maggie
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sonny and Robin's reunion (I know, I know)
Least believable moment: Sonny waited a week to take any action re: T.J.
Best instance of continuity: Heather killed Maggie
Worst instances of continuity: Robin blames the mob for Jason's death, but she knows Faison killed him; the last time Robin saw A.J., he was kidnapping kids and faking his death, so I'm not sure she would be so happy to see him
Hero of the week: No one. It could have been you, A.J.!
Most annoying character: Lulu, and she didn't really even do anything
Smartest character: Kiki, who caught on to Ava's possible guilt before Franco did
Dumbest character: Carly, because she definitely could have done more to get A.J. and Monica's attention
Previously unanswered question now answered: Silas and Ava's presumed "crime" was trying to kill Nina.
Things we learned this week: 1. Olivia is now part owner of the hotel (she must have inherited it from Connie).
2. Silas is married.
3. Sabrina is pro-choice.

The week in a nutshell:

Heather kidnapped Carly and stashed her in the Quartermaines' boathouse. No one suspects her, but Ava, Julian, and Franco are on the list of potential evil-doers.

Felix told Patrick and Robin that Sabrina's pregnant. Carlos wants to take Sabrina back to Puerto Rico and raise the baby with her.

Silas admitted to Sam that he's married, but his wife is comatose and brain-dead. Nathan thinks he tried to kill her.

Julian installed Morgan as a mole in the Corinthos organization. Sonny has a healthy amount of skepticism.

Rafe told Anna that T.J. was at the warehouse the night Max was shot, but Shawn protected him.

Michael and Sonny were unhappy to hear that Carly and Franco are dating.

January 11th, 2014

Next week: Lucas!

January 13th, 2014

Michael gets Dante to break protocol so they can look for Carly before the usual 48 hours are up. Meanwhile, Carly tries to steer into the crazy (always the best course of action), but Heather wants to see her plan through. This involves a knife, blood, and something in Carly's trunk. Franco finds "Carly's" note, which tells him she's decided they can't be together after all, and she's leaving town for a few days. Kiki agrees to help him find her. Silas goes to the PCPD to yell at Nathan for interfering in his relationship. Nathan takes advantage of his presence to interrogate him about Nina's overdose. Silas allegedly wrote himself a prescription for the same antidepressant Nina was taking (and overdosed on), just in a different form. Nathan thinks he injected her with it, but Silas claims not to have prescribed anything. Sam talks things over with Alexis, but since she's defending Silas, she's probably going to stick with him. She also thinks Ava had something to do with Nina's overdose. Sabrina tells Patrick she's pregnant, and before she can decide whether to tell him he's the baby's father, Carlos forces her hand, announcing that the baby's his. Julian assures Morgan that he had no reason to hurt Carly since Morgan's done what Julian told him to do. He and Ava promise each other that they weren't involved, though Julian's still suspicious.

So no one went looking for Carly's car before this? What?

I had no idea they make antidepressants in liquid form. Maybe for people who have trouble swallowing pills?

Well, Sam, you can trust that Silas didn't try to kill Nina, but what about the part where he cheated on her?

Sabrina, your choices are "my baby's father is a brain surgeon" and "my baby's father is a shady mob lackey." Choose wisely.

January 14th, 2014

Dante, Michael, and Morgan find a suitcase full of clothes in Carly's trunk, so now they think that she was trying to leave town and someone stopped her. Of course, they think that someone is Franco. The fake goodbye note doesn't help his case any. After Michael and Morgan leave the scene, the cops find a bloody knife. Ava thinks that Nathan summoned her to the PCPD because of Carly's disappearance. He doesn't get anywhere questioning her about Nina, but when Dante later mentions Carly, Nathan remembers that Ava thought she was a suspect. Kiki is still Team Franco is Innocent, but she's the only one. Sabrina goes along with Carlos' lie, so Patrick thinks he's off the hook. Robin worries that Sabrina's baby will drive her and Patrick apart. Sam advises Silas to prove that Ava tried to kill Nina before Nathan can try to pin the crime on him. Sonny claims to be worried about Carly, but not worried enough not to be able to have sex with Olivia. Also, he's still worried about Morgan's loyalty, so it seems like Carly's third on his list of current concerns. Felix tells Brad about Sabrina's pregnancy, leading Brad to wonder why he told Patrick. He accuses Felix of being a habitual meddler, which is pretty ironic, considering the source. Felix yells at him again for the whole Britt/Ben thing, so Brad tells him he's not Ben's father.

Holy crap, Dante, you SUCK. You didn't secure the crime scene. You didn't even check out the crime scene – if you had, you would've found the knife. You didn't call for backup until 45 minutes in. I know all of these things just from reading books and watching TV. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR JOB. Get it together, Falconeri.

"I'm worried about Carly." "Me, too. What should we do?" "Um...get naked?" "Okay!" A little decorum, please, Sonny and Olivia.

Felix, your chance to get a life (and do better than Brad) is coming in three days. Just hold on until then.

January 15th, 2014

Bobbie begs Scott to push the case against Franco forward so they can find out what happened to Carly. Scott's torn between helping her and helping Franco. He puts Ava's name in Anna and Dante's ear, but Anna suspects he's just trying to turn their attention away from Franco. In the end, it doesn't matter: The blood on Carly’s car was hers, and the fingerprints on the knife are Franco's. Nathan finds the fake letter on Carly's computer, time-stamped after her conversation with Sonny, which means the narrative Heather's trying to produce holds together. He also gets some help from Lulu, who continually dodges questions about how she knows Dante. Franco goes to Kevin for consolation, but all Kevin can say is that Carly might have finally realized who she was dating. Lucy dreams about sleeping with Scott again and getting interrupted by Kevin. She confides to Felicia that they had sex, and she maybe kind of sort of wants to do it again. Kiki somehow convinces Michael to keep an open mind and consider Ava as a suspect over Franco. Like everyone else, Shawn is suspicious of Morgan's loyalty, but Sonny trusts him enough to tell him that Duke's working for him.

Why do people always think the DA is like a cop? Scott can't do anything with the case. He's a prosecutor, not an investigator.

I'm impressed that Heather thought to write the letter on Carly's computer. She's smarter than I thought.

Poor Kevin. Poor clueless, cuckolded Kevin.

Sonny, that was a horrible idea. HORRIBLE.

January 16th, 2014

The police try to piece together what happened to Carly while Heather tells a very-much-alive Carly what she did. The police's version of events matches Heather's intentions pretty closely, and since she erased security footage at the hotel, they don't have a way to confirm or negate it. Heather also tells Carly that once Franco's been jailed for murder, she really will kill her. Franco tries to convince Sonny that he didn't hurt Carly, but since his theory of things includes someone overhearing her and Sonny talk about him, and he can't think of who it could be, he doesn't get anywhere. Bobbie decides it's time to tell Lucas what's going on, even if it means he comes to town and could be discovered by Julian. Speaking of Julian, he's figured out that Lucas is his son, and he's determined to get to know him, especially if it leads to him getting to know Sam as well. Lulu continues to not tell Nathan that she's married to Dante, which is weird. Elizabeth totally wants Nikolas back, so she invites him ice skating, but she gets Britt-blocked.

Fun storytelling methods today. It was interesting to see how the police come to certain conclusions, and fun to see Carly and Franco acting out what might have happened.

I hope the kid Heather sent in to buy BLTs comes forward. I would love if BLTS brought Heather down.

Also, I'm impressed that she was able to clean all of her blood off the knife.

Ava's awfully judgmental of the circumstances of Julian's baby-making considering her child was the product of an affair. Also, since she's a murderer and all.

Nikolas took Elizabeth's teasing that he's turning into Stefan a lot better than I would have. Mean!

January 17th, 2014

Scott drags his feet on okaying an arrest warrant for Franco, so Anna threatens to go over his head to the mayor. Annoyed that Franco hasn't been arrested yet, Heather calls Michael, pretending to be a PCPD employee, and tells him to talk to Scott about the possible murder weapon. Michael follows through, loudly threatening to sue the police department for criminal negligence. Either because he can't stall any longer or because he just wants Michael to shut up, Scott authorizes Franco's arrest, not realizing that he's just around the corner. Tracy hears about the "raccoon" in the boathouse and tries to get someone – anyone – to get rid of it. Luke finally gives in, and instead finds Carly. Lucas returns to Port Charles to give Bobbie moral support, but she's more concerned with having to tell him that Julian's alive. Julian tries to talk about Lucas with Sam, who plays dumb and leaves as quickly as she can. But her escape route leads her right to her brother. Olivia kicks Julian out of the Metro Court while he and Ava taunt that she's just doing Sonny's bidding in an attempt to get revenge. Ava's especially gloaty, reminding Sonny that no one's punished Connie's killer. Little does she know that A.J.'s on the verge of remembering seeing someone else at the hotel the night Connie was killed. Franco tries to hire Sam to help him prove that Ava's behind Carly's disappearance.

Nice twist with Luke finding Carly. It seemed so obvious that Heather would have moved her before he got there. I like it when the writers defy our expectations.

That said, his flippancy over Carly's disappearance is a little out of character. Yeah, he doesn't like her, but he wouldn't be so casual about his sister's daughter being in danger.

Lucas looks very...rugged. That's not a criticism, just an observation. And since we still don't know what he does for a living, I'm going to guess...lumberjack.

So assuming Ava was the one who killed Connie (and it's not much of an assumption; it's, like, 95 percent probable), she doesn't seem worried that A.J. will remember seeing her.

Why doesn't Monica just get rid of all the alcohol in the house? Or is that too logical?

Scorecard:Back in town: Lucas Jones

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Felicia sometimes has dreams about Frisco. Except they're really nightmares; Kevin: "Now you're projecting." Franco: "I don't even know what that means"; Julian re: Tiffany: "I slept with her sister. A lot"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Felicia's "oh, honey, no" face when she learned that Lucy slept with Scott
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: No one's forced Scott to recuse himself from Franco's case
Best instance of continuity: Lucas' early years
Worst instance of continuity: Really, Olivia? You're going to call Ava a cradle-robber? May I remind you that you used to date someone your son's age?
Hero of the week: Luke, as long as Heather doesn't come kill him
Most annoying character: Heather
Smartest character: Heather, though she's also a little dumb
Dumbest character: Sonny
Things we learned this week: Alice is afraid of raccoons because they look like little bandits.
Best/most memorable moment of the week: The back-and-forth between the police putting together a timeline and Heather telling Carly what she did.

The week in a nutshell:

Everyone was on the hunt for Carly, or possibly just her body, since Heather made it look like Franco had killed her. After numerous mentions of how there might be a raccoon in the boathouse, Luke went to take care of things and came across his niece.

Franco kept insisting that Ava was the one who took Carly. Only Kiki believed him.

Carlos gave Sabrina an out and she told Patrick that he's not the father of her baby.

Lucas popped up in town with no idea that his biological father is also there (not to mention 20 feet away).

Sonny told Morgan that Duke is Team Corinthos, which was a terrible, terrible move.

A.J. started to remember more about the night of Connie's murder.

Nathan thought Silas tried to kill Nina, but Sam suspects it was Ava.

Lucy needs to get it together.

January 18th, 2014

Next week: The Fugitive, Port Charles-style.

January 20th, 2014

Luke attempts to protect Carly from Heather, but her minions knock him out. By the time Tracy makes it to the boathouse to check on his progress, everyone's gone. While Anna sets things in motion to have him arrested, Franco flees to Michael and Kiki's, asking his non-daughter to hide him. She doesn't have much time to agree or disagree before Michael shows up with the news that a knife was found. Now Kiki's not so sure of Franco's innocence. Robin, Patrick, Silas, Britt, and Monica are summoned to the hospital to learn who the new chief of staff will be. But it's not any of them: Somehow, some way, it's Obrecht. Sabrina didn't bother to tell Felix that she's lying about her baby's paternity, because he doesn't find out until Patrick mentions it. He thinks she's making a horrible mistake but promises to keep her secret. Unfortunately, they forget to use their inside voices, and it looks like Elizabeth is now in on the lie. Sam tries to keep Lucas away from Julian, but it's not long before Lucas learns that a) his birth father is alive and b) he's the guy being a jerk to him. Julian seems surprised that another of his kids doesn't want to hang out with him. Silas tells Kiki about his wife, and how Kiki was the product of an affair. Sonny assures Alexis that he already has a plan in place to take care of Julian.

I hate that Heather has minions. I should have minions, not her.

I wish that, when Luke said he came to the boathouse looking for a raccoon, Carly had replied, "There are raccoons in here??"

Am I the only one who noticed a big hole in the leg of Kiki's pants? What's up with that?

This Obrecht thing is someone's nightmare, right? Because...attempted murder. Multiple counts of kidnapping. Breaking Faison out of prison. WHO WOULD HIRE HER??

Does Britt have a crush on Silas or something? She thinks awfully high of him considering they've only met twice.

Sabrina should have told Felix about the paternity lie...but to be fair, he should have warned her when he told Patrick about the baby.

More Alexis/Sonny scenes, please!

January 21st, 2014

The WSB let Obrecht go, for unknown reasons, and she somehow got the hospital board to hire her. Thanks to contracts, Patrick, Britt, and Silas can't quit. Robert worries that Obrecht told the WSB that he and Anna killed Faison. Heather disposes of Luke somewhere and takes Carly to the stable on Spoon Island. Carly tells her over and over that her plan won't work; she's too crazy to be successful, and she'll eventually reveal herself. The Spencer/Emma/Cameron love triangle is still in play, since Emma can't make up her mind. Spencer wants to duel his cousin, so the kids head to the stable, where they hear Carly calling for help. Kiki tries to kick Franco out of the apartment, since now she's not sure if he's really innocent, but they're interrupted by Dante. It seems Detective Falconeri has decided to do his job, and he suspects that Kiki might be helping Franco hide from the police. Elizabeth won't keep Sabrina's baby secret. Lulu tells Nikolas about her foundering marriage while unknowingly bonding with her son.

I'd love to know how the board voted when Nikolas knew nothing about their selection and Tracy never would have picked Obrecht.

Also, Nikolas, do everyone a favor and invest in some guards for the island.

Spencer is killing me (in a good way). I would totally pick him over Cameron.

Who knew Elizabeth was suddenly so moral about babies' paternities? I guess she finally learned something.

January 22nd, 2014

Franco texts Kiki and asks her to meet him at Kelly's, leading Dante and Michael on a wild goose chase so he can get out of the apartment. However, it also makes Dante suspicious that Kiki's helping him. Kiki thinks Heather could be framing Franco, but he talks her out of the idea. Spencer, Emma, and Cameron encounter Heather, who pretends she works in the stable and scares them off with tales of a chupacabra. Carly almost calls attention to herself but instead makes Heather mad enough to inject her with something. Robin, Anna, and Patrick can't figure out how Obrecht got herself freed. Elizabeth accuses Britt of being in on her mother's plan. Britt feels guilty about Dante and Lulu's separation, but not guilty enough to...you know the tune. Elizabeth almost tells Patrick and Robin the baby's true paternity, but they get interrupted by news of Obrecht's hiring. The conversation never gets resolved, so Sabrina still has that over her head. Dante and Lulu nearly connect, but he has to go off and do his stupid job.

"So, Emma, what did you do today?" "Well, two boys almost dueled over me, but then a woman in the stable reminded me about girl power. I also learned about the chupacabra." Port Charles is weird.

I'm impressed that Heather could inject Carly through her coat.

Sabrina, it's time to turn to blackmail. I'm sure someone, somewhere has dirt on Elizabeth. I'll help dig it up!

January 23rd, 2014

Sonny tells Morgan that Duke works for him, then outlines their big plan to draw Julian to them: They've gotten in touch with Carlos and are going to use him as bait. Morgan dutifully shares the news with Julian, who shows up for the meeting ready to take Duke out. Anna gives Nathan a week to get evidence against Silas or he'll have to abandon the case. Nathan corners Silas at the hospital to try to get him to confess, but instead just earns Obrecht's wrath. Meanwhile, Sam meets with the pharmacist who filled the near-deadly prescription. Felix and Brad make up and arrange a date. Little does Felix know that Brad is already seeing someone: Lucas. Anna catches Sonny and Duke talking on the docks, so Duke tells her he was just at Wyndemere, talking to Nikolas about a job. Later, when Nikolas goes to see Anna about Obrecht, he tells her he never saw Duke. Lucas announces to Sam and Bobbie that he's not 100 percent sure he doesn't want to get to know Julian.

Considering it's morning, and there's no way Duke could have contacted Carlos, and Sonny hasn't been 100 percent sure of Morgan's loyalty, I'm going to guess that he set Morgan up. If he did, bravo. If not...idiot.

I love that Silas is all, "You hate Nathan, too? Maybe you're not so bad after all...." The enemy of my enemy and all that.

Nice twist with Brad and Lucas! I wondered where Lucas had spent the night, then forgot about it.

Duke, NEVER tell a lie that can be unraveled so easily. Amateur.

January 24th, 2014

Sonny did, indeed, set up Julian, so he now knows for sure that Morgan didn't really leave the Jeromes. At least Duke gets to beat up his old boss. While Sonny wonders what to do about his traitor son, Julian wonders if Morgan has betrayed him, too. Sam invites Nathan to sit in on what she's sure will be the pharmacist's exoneration of Silas. Unfortunately for her (and Silas), he claims that he filled the prescription for Silas. This is all the evidence Nathan needs, apparently, so he arrests Silas. Through flashbacks, we learn that Lucas and Brad met at the Floating Rib the previous night, bonded over the fact that they're both the adopted sons of mobsters, and spent the night together. Now Brad's focus on Felix is split, and Lucas is hoping for a second chance. Lucy goes to Scott's to blast him for sacrificing Franco in order to save his job, but somehow they end up in bed together again. Felicia tells Mac that Lucy and Scott hooked up, begging him not to tell Kevin. Instead, Mac goes to Scott's and punches him in the face.

Coming next month: My curious, inexplicable love for Ric Lansing resurfaces. I don't know how long Rick Hearst is staying, but if it's for an extended period, I must request – nay, demand! – a Ric/Ava pairing. Can you imagine the chemistry?

Couldn't Sonny have played Morgan and Julian without outing Duke? What's to stop Julian from tattling to Anna? (I mean, not that Anna would believe him, but still.)

Correction to the pharmacist's claim: He didn't fill the prescription for Silas, he filled it for someone who looks like Silas. Now, who do we know who looks exactly like Silas?...

Fun fact: Brad's family once kidnapped Robin. That Anna/Robin reunion scene they reaired last month? That was from that plotline.

"Port Charles has an Asian quarter?" asks Lucas and two million other people.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Felix: "You realize we've morphed into an episode of Catfish, right?"; Silas' facial expression after learning of Britt's crimes against Sabrina; Sam throwing "I'll speak real slow for you" back in Julian's face; Spencer: "Go date Josslyn Jacks and back off"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nikolas' "where did I go wrong with this child?" facial expressions re: Spencer
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Spencer's precociousness
Least believable moment: "You filled a prescription? You're an attempted murderer! No, I don't need any more evidence than that!"
Best instance of continuity: Carly grew up in a trailer park
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Mac!
Most annoying character: Scott
Smartest characters: Kiki, Spencer
Dumbest character: Sonny
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Why did the WSB release Obrecht?
2. How did Obrecht get the hospital board to hire her?
Things we learned this week: 1. Brad's adopted.
2. And his father was '80s mobster Kim Wu.
3. Lucas has questionable taste in men.
Best/most memorable moments of the week: 1. Hey, Lucas and Brad know each other! ...Whoa, they really know each other
2. Mac punching Scott. I need to watch that over and over

The week in a nutshell:

Luke tried to free Carly from Heather, but her minions knocked him out. Heather moved Carly to the stable on Spoon Island, where she was almost busted by Spencer, Emma, and Cameron.

Sonny set up Morgan to give Julian information about a meeting between Carlos and Duke, hoping that Julian would show up unarmed. It half worked, and now Sonny knows that Morgan's still working for Julian.

Obrecht was somehow released from jail and hired as GH's new chief of staff.

Lucas and Julian met. One of them was more excited about the meeting than the other.

Kiki aided and abetted Franco.

Sam tried to help Silas clear himself of Nina's attempted murder and pin it on Ava. She failed, and Silas was arrested.

Elizabeth learned that Patrick is Sabrina's baby's father and almost told him so.

Brad and Lucas met and made a love connection. Brad then made a date with Felix, and now it looks like he's interested in both guys.

Next week: One of my favorite actresses from another ABC show makes an appearance. Also, someone decided that Victor Cassadine needed to come back.

January 27th, 2014

While Sonny wonders what to do with Morgan, Morgan tells Ava about how he tried to quit working for Julian, but Julian threatened his family. Ava decides to defend his honor or something, because now they love each other. Meanwhile, Morgan goes to see Sonny. Julian's also in the mood for revenge, so he tattles to Anna that Duke beat him up and is working for Sonny. Silas almost gets released because Scott doesn't think Nathan as enough evidence against him, but he agrees to let Nathan hold him for 48 hours while he keeps investigating. Sam turns to Julian for help, asking him to get Ava to admit that she's framing Silas. Lucy blasts Felicia for telling Mac about her affair with Scott, which just makes Felicia realize that Lucy was with Scott when Mac showed up. Lucy asks her not to tell Mac, so there goes their attempt to be completely honest with each other. Rafe tells Molly and T.J. about Silas' arrest, and T.J. puts on his jerk mask, taunting that Rafe's uncle is probably a serial killer like his father was. Rafe shoots back (no pun intended) that T.J.'s guardian is a killer, and he knows about the shootout at the warehouse. T.J.'s smart enough to know that that means Rafe probably ratted him out to Anna.

No, Ava, if Julian threatened Morgan's family, then YOU should threaten JULIAN'S family. By which I mean, you should threaten Sam, and Julian should kill you. Oh, sorry, was that out loud?

Wouldn't it be nice if Olivia had something to do other than serve as the receiving end of exposition and things we already know?

No wonder Felicia was such a good PI. She's a better detective than Dante is.

I was going to take Rafe's side in the Rafe/T.J. fight, but then he was an idiot, so now I'll call it a draw.

January 28th, 2014

Sonny and Morgan have it out, but Morgan avoids being killed by explaining that he tried to leave Julian but was forced to stay. Sonny promises to take care of things if Morgan ditches Ava. Ava's sure that Morgan will choose her over Sonny. She's wrong. Speaking of having it out, Anna confronts Duke about his lies, but he doesn't apologize for trying to bring down Julian. He tells her he's tired of feeling inadequate and powerless, and having to be rescued, so he's going to keep working with Sonny until he's in control again. Sam tries to give Dante advice about keeping a relationship together after the loss of a child. Lulu finally tells Nathan that she and Dante are married, then admits that she blames herself for losing Lil' Georgie and for their inability to have children. Nathan comforts her, and of course Dante sees them hugging. Molly's appalled that Rafe would put T.J. at risk in order to be with her.

"What?? My teenaged lover is fickle in his loyalties? Who could have predicted that?" Ava, please let Ric comfort you in a month. It's really all I want.

When did Sam and Dante become anything resembling friends? I guess I can buy it. They do have a sister in common.

No, Nathan! She's not for you! You belong with Maxie!

I want Molly's coat.

January 29th, 2014

Franco goes to Kevin for help, and Kevin tells him he'll find him a place to stay. Instead, he goes to Scott to tell him where Franco is. Franco meets Miranda Bailey Kevin's patient Tina, who can't quite figure out why she finds Franco familiar. Kevin returns with the police, and a betrayed Franco is arrested. Anna shares her relationship problems with Robert, admitting that it's a little hypocritical of her to be mad at Duke for breaking the law when she's also recently broken the law. Dante flips out on Nathan, thinking he's making a move on Lulu. Nathan tells the two of them to talk already, and they actually do, and Lulu actually apologizes, and they might actually work things out! Thanks, Nathan! Scott tells Lucy to go ask Kevin for a divorce, then later changes his mind because he can see that she would rather be with Kevin. Duke reaffirms his loyalty to Sonny, so sorry, Anna. Alexis is barely unable to resist Julian's charms.

Now can we have a crossover where Franco's a patient at Grey Sloane Memorial and Bailey gets to yell at him?

20,000 points to Nathan. If the detective thing doesn't work out, you could be a relationship counselor. ("Talk to each other. That'll be $1,000.")

Why are they making such a big deal out of Robert leaving town? He does that more often than Luke does.

Who in a million years would choose Scott over Kevin?

January 30th, 2014

Carly tries a few new tactics with Heather: psychoanalyzing why she doesn't want to lose her sons, sympathizing with her over her father leaving when she was a child, and finally offering to dump Franco in exchange for her freedom. Unfortunately, Heather sees through her. Spencer and Emma research the chupacabra, to their parents' confusion. Emma reads that one was supposedly first spotted in Puerto Rico, so she asks to go to the hospital to talk to Sabrina. Meanwhile, Spencer and Cameron go to the stable to slay the chupacabra, agreeing that whoever finishes it off gets Emma. Franco and Silas might not like each other, but they do agree that Kiki is awesome. Michael and Morgan aren't quite on the same page about that, since they don't get why she would keep defending the guy they're sure is responsible for their mother's disappearance. Kiki insists that the kidnapping and alleged murder of Carly aren't Franco's style. She goes back to thinking Heather's responsible and arranges to visit her at the institution. Sam again accuses Ava of framing Silas, but now Ava has new information: Nina was rich, and her will left everything to Silas, so that's another motive for killing her. Sam asks Silas about the will, and when he tells her he knew about it, that makes her think he's not so innocent after all. Robin is grabbed by someone lurking in her house. Robert leaves town and everyone's sad. Ava apparently really does love Morgan. Britt and Elizabeth can't be nice to each other for two minutes.

Kiki, while you're finally being smart and useful, how about you do something else smart and change your pants?

Why Robin is smarter than anyone else on TV or in the movies: She DIDN'T go inside a house she suspected was broken into.

Sam, why are you listening to Ava?

Seriously, why are we acting like Robert's dying?

Britt, stop it. I don't want to feel sorry for Elizabeth.

January 31st, 2014

Robin's surprise visitor is Victor Cassadine, who is somehow the head of the WSB now. He wants Robin to help him with a little science project. See, after Luke killed Helena, Stavros had her taken back to Cassadine Island and put on ice, which is also where he is (again). Victor would like Robin to bring both of them back to life. Heather tries to get Spencer and Cameron to commit some chupacabra murder for her (keeping Carly under a blanket so they can't see her), but they chicken out. Nikolas does finally head to the stables to see what's going on. Franco recognizes the knife the police found as the same one he used to stab Heather, so now he's really confused. Kiki goes to visit Heather, but one of the minions intercepts her and shows her the back of an unresponsive blond woman to convince her that Heather's there. He claims that she's been catatonic since the art show and won't talk. Kiki relays the information to Franco, who's now even more confused. Tracy reports Luke missing, but Anna thinks he's just skipped town as usual. In fact, Luke is the "blond woman" at the institute. Lulu spends more time with Ben (who seems to like her better than Britt), noticing something on his arm that I'm sure isn't a rash indicating that he has a horrible disease that can only be cured by a transplant from a biological family member, because this show would never do that storyline AGAIN. Obrecht stirs up trouble by mentioning Sabrina's pregnancy in front of Emma. Patrick assures her that he's not the baby's father, but later Emma overhears Elizabeth saying the opposite to Sabrina. Elizabeth also may or may not have pushed Britt in the harbor.

THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ON SOAPS NEVER DIE. THE CASSADINES KEEP PUTTING THEM ON ICE.

I can see this playing into Kimberly McCullough's exit, too. Victor will probably threaten her to get her to go back to Greece.

I feel your pain, Heather. I can never find a seven-year-old to commit crimes for me either.

Tracy should point out that Luke wouldn't ditch Bobbie while her daughter's missing. Eh, common sense, whatever.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if they started Monday's show with Lulu saying, "Oh, that's just jelly on your arm," and totally sidestep that whole mess?

Scorecard:Arrested: Robert "Franco" Frank
Back in town: Victor Cassadine
Broke up: Morgan Corinthos and Ava Jerome
Left town: Robert Scorpio

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Julian: "You sound just like my sister." Alexis: "There's a compliment"; "Witch, please" is back; Anna: "He was kidnapped by a raccoon?"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Kevin: "It's about your son." Scott: "Franco?" No, the dead one; "My family's suing the press." Kiki, your family is the press
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: The police won't let Kiki see Silas, but Sam can come and go whenever she wants. Oh, and Kiki can visit Franco
Best instance of continuity: Everyone hates the didgeridoo
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Nathan, for telling Dante and Lulu to talk, and possibly ending an excruciating storyline
Most annoying character: It's always going to be Obrecht
Smartest characters: Carly, Kiki
Dumbest character: Sam (why are you believing ANYTHING Ava says?)
Things we learned this week: 1. Heather likes BLTs because her father made them for her when she was a kid.
2. Scorpios never say "die" or "goodbye."
3. Cassadines probably don't either, since Stavros and Helena are being prepped for resurrection.
4. At least one Cassadine is familiar with the Rolling Stones.
Best/most memorable moments of the week: 1. Nikolas freaking out when Lulu startled him
2. Luke in a wig