Monday, May 28, 2012

1060. I feel like we've seen an uptick in comics about douchey startup douchebags recently. Is Randy trying to start a startup? Is he finally diving full-bore into the realm of douchery? Or is he just hanging around these douchebags, and combining douchiness with them into some sort of mecha-douchebag?

1061. This reminds me of that one comic about approximations in that I do not give a shit about it at all, and I can't be bothered to figure out why anyone would. Discuss!

196 comments:

1061 could have been a good comic, maybe, if the text wasn't so small and hard to read.

Lol, who am I kidding? There are no pictures in 1061. It would have been better as a blog post. Totally inappropriate for the format. It's like those Youtube videos that are really just slideshows of cool images. I could have viewed that as a webpage, and it would be far less bandwidth. Same goes for this 'comic'. Would we be losing anything if you'd just converted it to text?

The point is that the comic would only be clever if it were demonstrating an alternative that was also ambiguous, complex and correct. But it's not correct. It's not even essentially correct but wrong in a some clever way. It's just randum nonsense. It's nothing more sophisticated than a 6 year old saying LET'S INVENT A NEW TIME WHERE SECONDS ARE CALLED WEES AND MINUTES ARE CALLED POOS AND INSTEAD OF 24 HOURS IN A DAY THERE ARE FART HOURS AND EVERY 4 YEARS WE HAVE A NO BUM WIPING DAY WHERE YOU STOP THE CLOCK AND BOG ROLL IS BANNED LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

In conclusion, 6:41, the fact that you made your post confirms that you will never make a positive contribution to humanity. You should, right now, find a knife and stab yourself through the heart with it.

I think there is a degree of parody in 1061, because some of the suggestions he makes are obviously absurd. But it's pretty impossible to determine where the serious stuff ends and the parody begins. I could suggest that Randall is making fun of his own "revolutionary I-am-smarter-than-everyone-else" suggestions, but I don't think Randall would be that witty.

i dont think i understand the point of 1061. is he trying to make out that the current calendar system we all use is pointlessly (and more importantly, *arbitrarily* ) complicated? because if thats his point then... he's wrong. our calendar system actually makes a good amount of sense if you look at its development (ie, 12 months originally, and you cant have them even lengths and still make a year, so we'll add a few days on here and there, and then you get some roman emperors that want to give 'their' month extra days and take days off months they dont like, and before you know it, its like this.). things that are organically (no, not in the sense of 'without GM'...) grown over time pick up properties that may not be ideal if you were designing them from scratch all in one go. this is not new, interesting, or exciting.

and as for 1060.. just dull. says the same thing a penny arcade said a year ago (ie. some people on kickstarter may be twats).i'm just waiting to see the xkcd kickstarter, with stretch goals like 'if i get more than $200000 i will make a comic that takes me more than 30 seconds to come up with the idea and draw.'

oops, my bad, i had (mainly due to not being at work on friday so not being bored enough to look at how shit xkcd was) managed to avoid seeing 1060, so seeing the thing about douchy startup comics, my brain had filled in the blanks and assumed it was the kickstarter one. oh well.this ones shit too, i cant be bothered with going into details on why/how.

Why would it need to be synced with any other calendar? It's supposed to supersede all other calendars. Moon phase determination is out. You're obviously one of those people who are just frustrated with xkcd because they're far too thick to comprehend it.

"free of historical baggage" = OMG, the current year is based on the Christ myth and every time I write the date on a check I'm forced to pay homage to a magic invisible sky wizard IF ONLY I COULD CONTROL TIME I WOULD DO IT RIGHT ALSO QUIRKY.

I get the impression most of you are over thinking this. It's just a "wacky" comic, where he says his EST will have all these wonderful aspects which it quite clearly does not, whilst trying to throw in as many references to geek culture as he can. He no doubt also got a boner from writing "date math".

Then by all means imagine that, but posts such as that by 5:21 seem to be besides the point, given that the point is Randal's wacky idea is designed to be self-contradictory for the lulz.

Now, ways to fix the comic, that would be a good use of thought. As would determining how he came to produce such a pile of shit in the first place. I would say it looks like something produced after a drunken discussion with friends, but as I understand it he doesn't see friends, instead using his time to worry a lot about cancer.

1061 has a good idea at the center, making fun of ridiculously convoluted dating systems, but it crashes when it comes time to deliver the joke. It's a build up to gradually more absurd mathematical processes, which is good, but then it suddenly becomes 'synced with Narnia time' which is just goofy, not absurd. So you get this slow build up that veers off at the last second to land in silly pop culture reference land. Not to mention that the buildup is a little too slow, so the sense of 'is he really serious' becomes 'good god he must be serious' before you hit the punchline.

Or actually, you don't, because there's no punchline and the joke just kind of fades away without any interesting impact.

It's like Look Around You without any of the maintained absurdity, witty writing, or humor.

I helped my bandmate move his old couch into his new apartment this afternoon--the couch that used to occupy the attic we used to hang out in all the time back in high school. That couch was old. That couch had stories to tell.

Once we'd finished he offered some beer and we sat on the new couch--the spoils of victory--and my friend put on some Radiohead.

"Man, this takes me back," he said. "I remember the first time you came here and introduced me to Radiohead. I was hooked from that weird wind at the start of Planet Telex."

"Except, I didn't bring that album. I brought OK Computer."

"Are you sure?"

"Does it matter?"

He shrugged and said, "I guess not."

Of course, it did matter. That had been the day my friend got it in his head that we should be in a band, and talked me into talking my parents into getting me guitar lessons. The actual band didn't materialize until I'd come back from college, of course, but it was a big day, and one of us didn't actually remember it, which meant that in all probability neither of us did. How many times had we told that story? How much had it warped in the telling, until our memories were just of the stories we'd been telling?

The vision came to me then: the two of us in high school, working on some homework or other. I dig around in my bag for my math book and find the CD I picked up earlier and say something like "You want to put on some music?" and we do, and we probably even enjoy it. But there is no big moment. The album is incidental to the question he asks me later: "Wouldn't it be cool if we were, like, a rock band?"

We shared stories for the rest of the evening, but I found myself doubting all of them, his and mine both, and no amount of alcohol would shake this nagging doubt.Posted by Rob at 18.5.12 2 comments Links

I helped my lover move his old dildo into his new apartment this afternoon--the dildo that used to occupy the attic we used to hang out in all the time back in high school. That dildo was old. That dildo had stories to tell.

Once we'd finished he offered some vermouth and we sat on the new dildo--the spoils of victory--and my friend put on some Enya.

"Man, this takes me back," he said. "I remember the first time you came here and introduced me to Enya. I was hooked from that slow primal drum throughout Adiemus."

"Except, I didn't bring that single. I brought Orinoco Flow."

"Are you sure?"

"Does it matter?"

He shrugged and said, "I guess not."

Of course, it did matter. That had been the day my friend got it in his head that we should form an xkcd hate / microfiction crossover site, and talked me into talking my parents into getting me writing lessons. The actual site didn't materialize until I'd come back from fat camp, of course, but it was a big day, and one of us didn't actually remember it, which meant that in all probability neither of us did. How many times had we told that story? How much had it warped in the telling, until our memories were just of the animalistic, merciless sex?

The vision came to me then: the two of us in high school, playing footsie under the desk. I dig around in my bag for my liberal arts book and find the xkcd printout I picked up earlier and say something like "You want to look through the xkcd archives?" and we do, and we probably even enjoy it. But there is no big moment. The comic is incidental to the question he asks me later: "Wouldn't it be cool if we, like, had a site too?"

We shared semen for the rest of the evening, and I found myself swallowing all of it, his and mine both, and no amount of alcohol would quench the bitterness.

Randy: Today's comic will be a serious. No more leopards, or breast milk foolishness. Today, I will create a brilliant new time keeping system!Let's see... Add 4 minutes to the day to get rid of leap years. Wait that makes the day shift. Ok, this is a little harder than I thought... Hmm... What if... OH FUCK IT A MONTH IS 3 LEOPARDS, A LEOPARD IS A HALF A VAGINA HAHAHA I'M SO SILLY THIS IS HILARIOUS.

Yep. Saying Hollande is a real socialist just because his party is called "Parti Socialiste" is just as dumb as saying that the main purpose of Democrats is to establish democracy. Mélenchon is as close as you get to an actual socialist Frenchman and he will never access a position of power since he decided to leave the Parti Socialiste and side with communists (so did the entire "far-left" wing of the party...).

No, that show was terrible. House was an annoying character. Like, I get that him being a jerk was the whole point, but he wasn't even an entertaining or funny or sympathetic jerk, he was just an annoying jerk. Every time he opened his mouth, I just wanted to punch my TV.

I have seen about 2 episodes of House ever, and I didn't like them. everyone goes 'omg Hugh Laurie does this amazeballs american accent' but he does NOT. if you listen you can hear his bertie wooster vowels in every sentence. it was also annoying even without taking that into consideration

i'm sure somebody, somewhere, at some time, had a genuine real case of actual honest-to-god aspergers.i'm equally sure that that person didnt go around announcing it to people to excuse their twatishness (totally a word.).

anyway, as for House...meh, its alright. been slipping recently, but still better than most of the shite thats on tv these days.

I've a cousin with aspergers, he's 33 and still lives at home, constantly wears black silk pajamas and is a complete cunt. I'm pretty sure he's not faking anything. I'd agree that most of the Filthy Atheists on Reddit/Fourchan (FARFs) who claim to be afflicted with this unavoidable disease are mostly just too lazy to stop being terrible.

To be fair, the coding for xkcd is done by the guy that hosts it, not Randall.

On the other hand, given that drawing a stick figure comic three times a week is his only occupation, you'd think he'd be able to pull up php.net and do a bit of work himself. Maybe that's expecting a bit too much though.

You're sitting on the toilet in a public restroom. You look down and see a hand reaching over from the stall next to you, wordlessly requesting toilet paper. Only this is no ordinary hand. This putrefying monstrosity is obviously the hand of a member of the Undead. A thousand questions enter your mind. Do zombies even need to poop? Is this just some clever (for a zombie) trick to get your own hand in grabbing-and-eating distance? Or will not showing the zombie this basic courtesy incur its undead wrath? As you ponder these questions, the hand's gesture becomes quicker, more impatient. What do you do?

Two days later and not a single comment on 1062? I'll give it a shot. File that with 753 (the global south one); Randy has trouble with a common political metaphor. Meh. I'm going to go read Marmaduke. At least Brad Anderson attempts to make jokes.

Holy fuck. I just Googled Brad Anderson to make sure I had his name right. He's 88 and still going strong. Not quite as old as Bil Keane was when he died, but Brad's certainly in the running for oldest mediocre cartoonist (and Marmaduke started 5 years before Family Circus, so that's got to be pushing the record for longest running strip still drawn by the original artist)

I think everyone ignored 1062 because it was so boring. I can't think of anything to say about it beyond that.

1063 was a bit more 'this is what Black Hat is reduced to? really?' but I dunno, it wasn't too bad. I think it would have been better if the character wasn't Black Hat. Standard stick figure guy, Megan, beret guy, whoever. Black Hat sets up expectations that he'd change history to make things worse rather than effectively not changing it at all.

I think BHG did what you'd expect any personification of dork evil to do: achieved technically correctness.

However, the "Hitler is evil!" thing is just so boring. WW2 was really a war between the British, US and Soviets, with the British empire losing and the other two carving up Europe. The US was more sensible in that it was militarily softer but instead ensured increasing economic subjugation which has survived to this day - a younger and as yet uncorrupted Blair keenly pointed this out in the '80s. Someone like Hitler was an inevitable consequence of the post-WW1 sanctions imposed on Germany, and (before the war) Britain's elite were divided between those who were ideologically fairly happy with Hitler and those so far up American arse that they looked forward to selling their country across the Pacific.

Are you saying Hitler is just fine because he's the natural product of Germany's history? Well, I don't think it's exactly what you meant, but you seem to downplay what he's done/the fact that people voted for him because of what Germany went through. Like "it was bound to happen, so stop blaming them :c". I hope history can at least serve this purpose, i.e. people learning about stuffs and going "OK, we went through hard times and maybe we're still bitter about all of it, but regardless, we shouldn't have reacted that way. We've been asses".

Anyway, while I do agree with part of that analysis, it doesn't account for the whole anti-semitism thing. In this sense, saying Hitler = Germany's history (and Treaty of Versailles more particularly) isn't completely accurate. For instance, would he have been elected if the NSDAP program didn't talk at all about Jews? Maybe, maybe not. But the point is, relying on the people's anti-semitism was a safe bet at the time, so surely it was an important part of the Nazis' appeal.

I think he fueled anti-semitism more than he relied on it. When people are in a bad way, it's really easy to identify a group and get everyone to hate them.

For example, over the past 15 years Britain seems to have developed a mindset that severely disabled = lazy undeserving poor. Disability just *is*, whether you deny it or not, just as people born with Jewish heritage just *are* - you can do things which increase or decrease the number of Jews or disabled people in the future, but at any particular moment, it makes no sense to feel anything either toward or against anyone for being either Jewish or disabled. And yet, they're a conveniently weak group who can be painted as being a net detriment to society.

It doesn't matter that many Jews/disabled were/are significant contributors, nor even that the sum of that taken by Jews/disabled is far outweighed by that taken by more powerful exploitative elements - what matters is that you distract people from those who are to blame with *anyone* too weak to fight back.

@5:10: Hm, it's hard to say... I get your point, but saying the Jews were only a circumstancial scapegoat leaves aside the fact that anti-semitism is centuries old -- I'm not even speaking of Ancient Egypt or stuffs like that; I'm speaking of European/Christian animosity towards Jews.

You could say that Hitler simply used an old meme and updated it to fit the post-WW1 shit Germany was facing, but it's more than that. I believe this hatred was very sincere on everybody's part, and that they truly believed the "Final Solution" was just that, the solution to their problems. As sincere as their butthurtedness over WW1 + expansionist nationalist ideals were.

But more to the point: the Nazis actually thought the Jews -- more specifically Jewish bankers -- *were* the cause of WW1. "Jews = money" is old too, and has actual historical reasons (loans with interests forbidden by Christian interpretation of the Bible, but not by Judaism so European Catholics were pretty happy to let Jews do the dirty job for them), so again, I'm pretty sure Nazis were sincere about that. I'm not saying they were right obviously, but they were being sincerely wrong in their analysis of the real causes of their sufferings. Human wars largely predate Jewish finances.

tl;dr They thought the circumstances Germany found itself in were the Jews' fault. I agree with 12:52, with the notable difference that he's giving you a first-person account of the Nazi thought process.

ugh, it's bollocks. 'history is for losers.' 'no wait history is for time travellers.' fuck OFF. it's fan pandering again isn't it. a million idiots are now pontificating about the paradox of time travel and the temporal fucking directive and alternative history and the many-worlds interpretation and probably Primer and probably fucking Timecop for all I know and thinking they are so fucking clever just because they've read some scifi and it's just really really annoying. plus it has been done before in the one about how some selfish arse didn't save someone else's dad from the Sep 11 attack when he had a time machine, which was one of the most sanctimonious fucking pieces of wank even xkcfuckingd has vomited out

Maybe even more remarkable, I found the alt text funny. I have a tendency to find them a bit smug, and look-at-how-clever-I-am-y, but here it was just a straight joke with no obscure reference etc.

As for BHG misuse, I think it would've worked a little bit better if at least he'd said something selfish/over-the-top/trivial e.g. "I'm gonna sleep with Cleopatra" instead of "I wanna go explore time, just think about all these adventures! :D", which in itself isn't a bad thing. I mean, Hitler isn't the only large-scale criminal in history, it's not like killing him is the Best Fucking Thing You Could Do For Humanity's Sake. So instead of coming across as a huge jerk, he first sounds like a curious scientist/historian (like "woohoo, finally I get to see the places/events I've always dreamed of"), and then at the end, like a moron/bad historian. In terms of BHG, it's just fail all the way.

I _think_ the joke was supposed to be about, well, what Anonymous @ 2:28 AM was partly going on about- making fun of the perception of Hitler as basically a cartoon villain and the occasional expressed view that, given a time machine, killing Hitler with it would actually be a good thing to do. The title text sort of lends itself to this interpretation but of course it's not explicit. It doesn't make any sense for Black Hat to be doing this though, which is why either Randall is making a far worse joke than I thought or he's reduced Black Hat to an even paler shadow of his former self. Maybe both.

Maybe that tricky black hat guy didn't really invent a time machine. All he had to do was walk into a cupboard and come back out again because that generic bald guy was gullible enough to just believe it as soon as black hat said he had a time machine!!!!!!! LOLOLOL!!!

I know you're new and keen to prove yourself, Kizolk, but there's not that much difference between a male and a female skull - indeed, considering the increase in average size over the centuries, you'd probably have something closer to a male skull of the time by employing a modern female skull.

In practice few would consider the difference any more than they'd worry about whether the skull's features match Yorick's racial background.

So, over £80 million for the sale of moneysavingexpert, a site which does little more than aggregate information produced by other people with a bit of mostly volunteer human effort and write bad editorials.

And that was sold to a site supposedly worth 5-10 times as much, and which does little more than aggregate pricing information using a few database calls and write barely any editorials.

This is why capitalism is such a fucking joke. What shocks me most of all, I think, is to learn that people actually click on affiliate links even when they know it means increasing the price of products in the long run.

I've found a few webcomics by clicking on ads. But since I unblocked all non-flash ads I can't say it has changed my life for better. On the contrary, I now know that the internet gets most of its money from advertising douchebags. I wish I didn't know that.

I'm probably late to say this, but do you think Randall wrote 1063 JUST to get people arguing about Hitler?

And I swear to God, the captcha fficevo some is following me. I know I've seen it before because it appeared in my autocomplete box. This is now the third time I've seen it. What are the chances of getting the same captcha three times? Oh God, I think fficevo some is trying to kill me!

Actually, this is one of the things that I like the most about xkcd: it gets people to talk about things. Art can have a lot of functions, and one of them is to spark debate -- and by "debate", I mean "vile hate sites included". Everybody's happy (or happy to be angry), it's all good.

On a somewhat off-topic note: I don't find xkcdsucks and the xkcd forums wildly different. Discussions tend to be more short-lived here, and sometimes they're just one-way statements, but apart from the tone/words used, there are a lot of similarities.

That's not surprising since the two sites have pretty much the same demographics. At some point, some would-be xkcdsucks readers started to think xkcd sucked, for different reasons. But the people? Overall they're the same I think. The biggest difference is that one side would love anything as long as it has the "xkcd" label on it, and the other side thinks they're too cool/clever to like it (it includes the "geekier than geek/we're the true geeks and we don't worship Randall" crowd, but not only).

Another difference between the xkcd forums and xkcdsucks is the anonimity thing. It allows people to say and do things they wouldn't necessarily say or do if they weren't anonymous. But you know... I actually like the concept of accountability, and more generaly, individuality. Now, anonimity can be good too, and it does have its perks, but yeah, it's less fun. Not to mention that *some* people think it allows them to be stupid -- I mean more stupid than they really are, which is sad. I'd say those stupidity problems do happen here but aren't that common. I guess I just used this opportunity to do a cover rant against 4chan/"Anonymous" haha, incorrigible me. Ah man. I'm still amazed at the amount of crap you can put into something and still call it "Anonymous".

But to get back to your post, Capn: maybe it was just to get people arguing about Hitler; I guess I should thank Munroe for that. But more likely: there's a reason why the Godwin point exists. Hitler is just the first person that comes to mind when people think of good and evil, right and wrong, me and the others, etc. So let's say I'm Randall and I'm brainstorming: "one-time time machine! It'd be fun if someone tried to fix the biggest mistake/tragedy in history but failed... HITLER!"

Also, I know I am damn verbose, and I think fficevo some wants your babies, Capn.

Most of the people posting here aren't adulating themselves. We clearly see our flaws and have some degree of contempt for them, but find ourselves powerless to do much about them so make an effort to content ourselves with venting vitriol in the form of mutual mockery. We pretty much despise each other, but the spite never goes further than that which we feel for ourselves. Some of us post anonymously because we still have some degree of shame.

Xkcd forum posters mostly want to tug each other's penises in return for having their own penises tugged. They're hiding their problems from themselves instead of embracing them. It's a massive difference and an important one.

Kizolk, you have learning difficulties if you think that we need xkcd to realise that the Hitler-is-evil thing is overdone. Anyone with half an imagination can pick any article anywhere and use it to "spark" a stupid debate. That's not a statement on the value of the source, merely on the infinite ability of humans to procrastinate.

As to anonymity, people who like to put their names on things often value ideas less than those who don't, favouring social masturbation over reason. At worst, no-one's prejudiced, and choosing to put your name on something is benign. What is more, no-one on the Internet is accountable for what they say unless and until it is possible to teleport to their front porch and punch them in the face when they say something stupid.

1:21 also has a strong point: no-one here admires anyone else. We don't respect each other and we certainly don't respect Randall. We are here to point out what is fucked up and wrong, and in the process we either improve ourselves or we hate ourselves more.

2:59: please elaborate. Do you mean that everybody sees themselves as elderly at heart? Furthermore, how could a sexual relationship with an elderly person (not that hard to achieve), or a person of any age for that matter (still not that hard for any semi-worthwhile person to achieve), be anything other than manual? Inquiring minds want to know.

I just cum onto my hands/into my pants and wash it off then/later. Why do people cum into a sock? Is it some sort of autoerotic foot fetish? I suppose once you're a circumcised man under the heel of the Jewish lube industry, it's expected. This must be why America is always so angry.

What about anon-on-xkcdsucks-with-benefits? You're clearly in the UK and my experience is that it's possible to get almost anywhere in the UK within 12 hours - give it another 12 if you're Highlands & Islands.

What guarantee is there that someone's ostensibly faithful and benign husband of 10 years is not a serial killer? There are only 600 or so murders a year in the UK ("hmm, he seems to know a lot about murder"), and it's certainly more likely that you'll be killed by a close friend or relation than by /any/ arbitrary stranger.

I think we can both agree that the best outcome is that we are both class projects by groups of 15 year old boys, and that two coach-loads of 15 year old boys will soon end up meeting somewhere like, say, Camas Daraich.

You're right !! That also explains why eating feels so much better when someone else is feeding you, and why having someone scratch your itches is superior to doing it yourself. We should quantify tickles into universal pleasure units !

Anyone feel slightly sorry for the Queen? The rest of the Royals get to scrounge but she obediently spent her life taking part in this absurd, camp role in a dead empire run by a civil service which has now been all but sold off to another dying empire across the Pond.

What the hell is this?

Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.

I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.

Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.

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When he's not flipping a shit over prescriptivist and descriptivist uses of language, xkcdsucks' very own Rob likes writing long blocks of text about specific subjects. Here are some of his excellent refutations of common responses to this site. Think of them as a sort of in-depth FAQ, for people inclined to disagree with this site.