My father died 10 years ago. It is a huge loss, I agree, but you learn after time to adjust to the loss. NOw I think of life without my mother in the future. BUt, you know, none of us know when our time comes. We all think our parents are indestructible. We do not see them age as others age. So I understand what you say. We mature with years..and we do cope in time with the loss of a parent.

Just live the life he would want you to do. That way you keep him with you always and you respect his memory. And to talk about him will also help you.

You know I do grieve for my dad everyday, everyday. I use to love to go and take them riding and my dad love to listen to nice soft music. Anywhere he wanted to go I take him, no matter where it was. But he was the best ever. I remember as a girl, when I begin to look for jobs, I was so afraid to go, my dad would take off his job and go with me on interviews, wow! I never know any other of my friends whos dad do this, none of them. It was dad who made our family strong and have no fears after all he has 5 girls and we all run to daddy, daddy always even as adults. We had great respect for him and my mother so much. Just when I go to the burial grounds and see his name there, I can't believe he is in the ground and it hurts so so much. I think of him when i ride home in my car, while i cook, even when i watch TV and especially when I listen to the music he loved. I never had anything hurt me so much in my life. I wish many days that time could go back. I think it bothers me so much that none us could see the signs. It was years since all of my parents children were together in same place, years, even his grandchildren were there. Why did I not know the mean of that? none of us did, we were all shocked when he passed. He was 86 years but he looked 65, even now I can still see his soft face and feel his strong protecting hands. I really miss him terrible. We all do.

May his soul rest in peace...

"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."

I hope everything is Great with you, InshaAllah! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Grant you with the best of health and strong emaan (faith), Ameen.

I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa - Pure and Exalted Allah is) to reward you with the best rewards in this life and in the Hereafter for your sincerity and patience and obedience to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), Ameen!

Your experience of life have truly brought tears into my eyes... May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Shower Blessings on your father's grave and have Mercy upon him and forgive him, Ameen. Verily, we all are from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and it is to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) we shall return, as it says in the Qur'an Surah Al Baqarah in verse 156 (Inna lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon). When someone's in calamity we should say that phrase.

The Dear Brothers and Sisters have been so nice and understanding, May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) reward them with Blessings and Goodness, Ameen. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has truly Blessed you with all of these dear Sisters and Brothers, Alhamdulilahi Wa Shukr! May Allah Bless you even more, Ameen!

I would like to also share some things with you and I want to quote some Ayahs (verses) that hopefully, InshaAllah, will be beneficial;

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things." [The Qur'an; Chapter 65 (At Talaq - The Divorce) : Verse 2-3]

Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the dominion; and He is Able to do all things. Who has Created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving." [The Qur'an; Chapter 67 (Al Mulk - Dominion) : Verse 1-2] --> i.e. who amongst you do the good deeds in the most perfected manner, that means to do them (the deeds) totally for Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) sake and in accordance with the legal ways of Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam - Allah's Praise and Peace be upon him).

"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." - by Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us about the wishes we can make in Paradise;

"Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire, and therein you shall have (all) for which you ask." [The Qur'an; Chapter 41 (Fussilat) : Verse 31]

So, dear sister, do not be sad if you are not married, InshaAllah in the Hereafter, in the Paradise, you will be granted which ever husband you desire. If a woman is one of the people of Paradise, and if she did not get married, or if her husband is not of one of the people of Paradise, if she wants to get married then she will inevitebly have what she desires, because of the general meaning of the verse above.

But truly, as the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said that marriage is half our deen (religion) in this life, marriage completes us and our faith.

And dear sister, I have read from the earlier posts that you are depressed, and if you are seriously depressed I advice you to consult a doctor, because it can have physical affects...

I would also like to tell you that this depression and sadness you have, look at it as another way of/reason to submit to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and be in Sajdah (prostration), during which you are closest to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).

Verily, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Does Know what is in our hearts;

"Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purify that which was in your hearts (sins), and Allah is All-Knower of what is in (your) breasts." [The Qur'an; Chapter 3 (Al Imran - The Family of Imran) : Verse 154]. This what you feel, could also be seen as a test from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).

Du'a is the essence of worship and it is quoted in Tirmidhi that the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam - Allah's Praise and Peace be upon him) advised us to ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) for exactly what we want instead of making vague wishes. A good advice would be to turn each worry into du'a and each du'a into an action plan. That will show your commitment to your request and will focus your energy in the right direction, InshaAllah.

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us in the Noble Qur'an to "Seek help in patience and As Salat (the prayers)" [The Qur'an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - The Cow) : Verse 45]. Dear Sister, we truly can control our reaction to our circumstances and through patience our control will be stronger, but truly we cannot control what happens to us and to our surrounding.

The Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) recommend us to read a verse, which is known as 'Ayat Al Kursi', after each prayer. But do also recite it frequently; when you go out, before you go to bed etc.

Ayat Al Kursi is the name of the verse number 255 in Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - the Cow) of the Noble Qur'an.

My Dear Sister in Islam, remember that life is short. Time passes by like a snapshot. Once, you realise and say "I remember once I was a child, I did this and that... and now I am grown up... wish I could turn back time". But also remember that the life in Hereafter is everlasting! Allahu Akbar!

We all face hardships in life, and truly ease come after it as Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Says in the Noble Qur'an;

"Verily, along every hardship is relief. Verily, along every hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs)." [The Qur'an; Chapter 94 (Ash Sharh - The Opening Forth) : Verse 5-6]

Also look at this verse (no. 8) what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us from the same chapter;

"And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your) intentions and hopes."

Also, my dear sister, I suggest you to keep Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) in rememberance frequently as He Tells us in the Noble Qur'an;

The Prophet (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said; "The example of the one who remembers (glorifies the Praises of) his Lord (Allah), in comparison to the one who does not remember (glorify the Praises of) his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one." [Sahih Al Bukhari; Vol. 1 : No. 46]

Dear Sister, I have another advice for you, whenever you see someone happy and married and have found that love it make you feel deppressed even more, but try to think of those who are in a worse condition than you, in that way we learn to to appreciate and thank Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) for whatever we have. You have, Alhamdulilahi Wa Shukr, sons whom Love you dearly as their mother. And as a Sister said in an earlier comment; try to talk with your son. I understand that you that as a mother you don't want to burden your son much and make him feel also sad and depressed. But, InshaAllah, by the Help of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) you both will benefit from each others accompany and share of knowledge and support. And none of you will, InshaAllah, be sad or deppressed anymore, because surely it is such a relief when you talk with someone about your feelings. I am sure your son will be happy that you are honest with him and tell him how you feel and I am sure that he will be also understandable.

Don't make a big change in your life, take everything easy step by step. If you make a big change all of a sudden, then everything will seem very tough and hard.

A last advice to you my dear sister, try to not listen to music so much. I deeply understand that you would like to listen to the favourite music of your father (May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) have Mercy on him, Ameen). But I recommend you to recite and listen to the Words of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). Listening to music is not good as it will unweaken your heart and make it hard. Soften it by the Words of All-Mighty Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).

I know this is a long post, and I am sorry for that. Just when I read what have been said, it touched me deeply and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and knowledge. I am not a scholar or someone very knowledgable, so Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) knows if I have answered you appropriately or not, but my answers come from a sister who is concerned for her fellow sister in Islam. I would feel so sad if a sister who is so earnest to practice her religion would end up in deep sorrow.

I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Enlighten your Heart and the days of your life with His Nûr (Light), Ameen!

May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Help you in your life and Strengthen you, Ameen!

I won't, InshaAllah, forget you in my prayers, dear sister!

And last but not least: Stay Happy and Smile! Smile is Sunnah of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam)!

What ever Good I have said is from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), but what every bad and wrong I have said is from myself. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forgive our sins and misdeeds and make us enabled to do more deeds so we can please Him more, Ameen!

Remember also, Amr Bil Ma'ruf Wa Nahi Anil Munkar! (Command the right and forbid the evil!) - So, dear sisters and brothers, whatever wrong I have said correct me and InshaAllah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), will reward you with the greates reward in this life and in the Hereafter!

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Edited by Ukhti S. - 26 April 2010 at 1:49pm

Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal!

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