As I was walking this morning I spotted a gentleman standing in his shed doorway, hands on hips and just looking round. Because I love a story, I started creating one....is he standing there thinking, “Where do I start”? I will never get this sorted. I can’t throw that out, give that away, part with this! We have to be out of here in 3 weeks, which is impossible! As you can see my mind was having a field day. These ramblings took me back to when the children were little and only the necessary things got done round the house. Family fed, cleaned and watered! Washing done and things kept clean. Now my idea of clean is no dirt! The kids toys, games books got tidied, but they were there and sometimes it looked like a bomb scene, but it was not dirty! Others however had a different idea of “clean” and sort to put everything away all the time, and get me to make sure the decks were “clean” – as in nothing on the floor! Just with the business of little people and at the time we were running a business that required some of my time to play secretary, payroll clerk & other office roles, other things seemed to miss a daily roundup, and before I knew it the bedrooms were a bomb site. Take 4 bedrooms to sort out, clothes, bedding, toys and whatever treasures the little people had sneaked in past security. I used to feel so overwhelmed and swamped that my boat was sinking, and someone had taken the bailer! I would stand there, just like this man this morning, and just look. However 90% of the time I would just walk away. Yep – it was just too much. I was also on medication for depression at the time, just to add another challenge to my life! One day a very kind soul spoke with wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement.... “Erena, choose a room, set your timer for 10 minutes, and go for it. You do not have to clean the WHOLE house today, or yesterday for that matter, just START with one room, and go for 10 minutes! Wow I thought, I can do that. So I began. And to this day this is something I continually remind myself of whenever I feel overwhelmed, swamped and smothered in any situation. OK maybe not immediately all the time, but eventually I get to remembering...then I take a lovely big breath in, let it go in a whoosh, and say “thank goodness I can just take one step now. So this brings me to taking that first step...it is daunting, terrifying, sometimes paralyzing, maybe exhilarating, exciting or whatever label we choose to give it. I think the first step is the most challenging one. But you know, when you take that first step, make that appointment, meet that person, tidy for 10 minutes, address that situation, change your thinking, move on from that person who was dragging you down, start that painting, drive that different route it is amazing just how different it makes you feel. You find hope, an excitement of “I wonder where this will take me”, knowing that it can only lead to somewhere/something better than where you have been. I know this, and there is an area of my life I have been procrastinating and fearful about addressing for some years now and just last week I became honest with myself and committed to looking the ugly beast square in the face and telling it “I was over it, I was over feeling limited, restricted, stuck, fearful, ashamed, guilty, unworthy, powerless and greedy, and I was going to do what it took, no matter the cost, and deal with once and for all & bury the thing” . You know once I made the decision, there still was a little anxiety about what it was going to take, but I was SO over it that was just like a sand fly niggling against what has been like a very starved sabre tooth tiger - one that has been starved for centuries! Not even one week on, after having my first appointment, I feel liberated, enlivened, uplifted and excited. O, yes I know that there is still “stuff to address” but I know I can do it, I have support, encouragement and just knowing I am offloading the shame, guilt etc, is enough to want to see this through to the end. So when you stand at the mirror, or look at the clutter around you, look at your life and see things you do not like, when you look at the things you do, the people you associate with, look at the direction your life is headed, when you become aware of your limiting or destructive thoughts, when you hear the way you speak to yourself, or speak to others... if there is anything you would like to be different, just know IT IS POSSIBLE. All it takes is ONE STEP. Things may not look too much different right away, but as we change our perspective and the way we see things, we start to change our behaviors and then our life starts to change. So what are you going to do to gain the freedom perspective?

I find it incredible the amount of the population that seem to be living with some sort of pain, be it physical, emotional or mental. I believe that all pain eventually manifest as physical pain, even when it’s roots are embedded in the emotional or mental garden. Pain has been described as stagnation – lie fallow, be still, unchanging, stuck. In this life of ours if we do not change we will stagnate, and die long before our time. In your body, every second there is a phenomenal amount of change happening, and if this wasn’t happening your life would soon be over. Every 7 years your whole skeleton is brand new, every 120 days your blood has been replaced, your liver can be replaced in 7 days and your intestines are relined every 3-4 days. You may well be asking, why then do I still have an ulcer? (This, I will cover in another blog) Change is so important. So when we have an understanding of our beliefs/perceptions and thoughts all impacting our biology (Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton & Spontaneous Healing of Belief by Gregg Braden) we have a starting point when we experience pain. Now I am not talking the immediate pain of an injury, accident or hurtful words. What I am talking about is the ongoing mental, physical and emotional pain & anguish. I think injury/accident pain is easier to handle because we can show off our wound, the site of the pain and we can see it healing. Mental and emotional pain is more of a challenge, because no-one can really see the hurt and suffering we are experiencing, and most will tend to tell us to get over it, toughen up or let it go. Just like physical injuries emotional and mental injuries can and do cause scarring. This scarring will set up another set of challenges for our bodies to overcome. The natural role of the emotions in our body is to help up to experience and move on. When we get stuck on something in our lives or thoughts everything in our body experiences this stuckness on some level. This is where our pain originates, when we cannot let go of a situation, experience or thought. This pain will cause restrictions in the flow of our blood, and energy systems of the body, in turn restricting the ability of the blood to get nourishment to our tissues, clean out the waste and heal and repair our body. And now you have another lot of potential problems on the way! I experienced depression for a big part of my life and one day I happened on a saying “if you keep doing the same things you will keep getting what you have always got”! Something happened that day – it was like the Olympic fireworks display lit up my life and I realised and owned, that I was doing something that was causing me to experience this pain, misery and unhappiness we label depression. I became possessed almost, to discover everything that could point me to changing my thoughts, behaviour and life so I would be pain free. My body was a mess, regular massages and osteopathic visits did not seem to last long, I was still miserable and angry. I realised I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy, to feel joy, to enjoy my body and my life. I used to blame much of my physical pain on accidents and injuries I had experienced, and the pain of others words and actions, but I know now there were NO accidents, it was my body screaming at me to get me to look at how I was living my life, trying to get me to have a different perspective, to change the way I looked at situations and people. The less judgmental, happier and grateful, more aware I have become the less pain I experience. Now I take a look at the thoughts and actions that led up to a pain (mental, physical or emotional) and I own my stuff, see how I could do it differently and most of the time the pain disappears. It has taken me some time to reach this place, but it is possible for all. I believe healing is possible, simple and easy. I choose to see my pain as a guide, a prompt for change and not a reason to stay restricted and limited anymore. There was a time it was an unhealthy excuse, a way to get attention, a way to glean sympathy. I look back on the joy I have experienced in later years, of the things I have learnt, of the compassion I have experienced and can share, of the fun I have in life and in seeing transformation in others and I am so grateful for that day the lights came on, that I had the courage to step out of the cage, that I had support to change and learn a new way of living.

Spring has sprung, the weeds are noticeable and the garden is transforming. As the bulbs are dying, many trees have budded into leaf; others yet have to burst forth in all their magnificence. Weeds get such bad rap...they; however are the names we have for plants in the wrong place. They cause me to ask questions – what is being hidden or choked and what is deficient in the soil? This has led me to take a magnifying glass to my life. To look at the plants (I will call them beliefs from now on) that are out of place, the beliefs that have “past their used by date”, and the beliefs that are blooming magnificently. Well some belief blooms from my garden” have died, some that have burst forth anew recently, to be revealed for the truth they are, have been relegated to the compost and others have yet to show themselves. It can be a painful, nerve wracking experience watching the birth of anything – the effort, the journey, the patience as it pushes its way into this realm. It is also a glorious time – wondering what is coming forth, what the potential will be and what part you will have with it. So what is revealing itself, what wants to be noticed? What is ready to shift? Judgment is the first of the weeds that “spring” to mind. I have known on some level that If we were to be scored on our ability to judge, I would not doubt get top marks. Yep – you guessed it. I have had many years of practice and have got a very good crop going. This causes me discomfort and is limiting and restricting my life and potential, so it is time to begin weeding! One of the things in a garden, once weeded, we need to cover it or to plant it, otherwise the weeds will go “Yip ee, all this space, and nicely turned soil, let’s get growing. So as I begin the weeding process, it is good for me to be finding the things I want to replace these weeds with & get them planted and cared for straight away. All this work – yet I know this garden will be magnificent & others will be drawn to it. One meaning of “Judgment” is to make a decision after careful consideration! How many of us really have carefully considered a situation or person BEFORE passing a judgment? Most of the time not me – I have looked and cast the verdict, even on myself. Asking the question, “What is going on here?” is a great way to step back and start the ‘careful consideration process’. Do I have all the facts, what is the truth? I am learning that nothing can enter my sphere of influence or my life unless it matches the beliefs and vibrations I hold to be true, even if there is no truth in them. So this means that what I judge and believe will be what shows up in my life. Now that is a scary thought. Thankfully we can change these beliefs and the way we see and do things. Two of the areas I am expert in judging are myself and money! When I judge, (criticise or blame) I am putting boundaries around that situation, I am limiting and restricting the possibilities of the potential of the situation or person. This is what keeps me trapped and those around me trapped. I have defined it as ......and that is the energy it takes & keeps. So now I have discovered this weed of judgment, what am I doing about it? I am learning to be the observer. Just that, being an observer. An onlooker, a bystander. I am learning to watch the thoughts that come into my head as I observe, and to ask myself questions about those thoughts. Ask questions, not from the perspective of judging, or needing to find the answer, but to ask questions from the place of curiosity, no investment in what I observe, no conclusions attached. This is also helping me to watch my language, my words, so that there is no judgment in them. I am excited to have found this weed, to start to discover what has been hidden under the judgment, to find what it has choked. The soil has been deficient in compassion, understanding, acceptance and love. The wonder and curiosity this birthing is producing is a bit challenging as I am required to be totally honest & transparent. However for the most part it is fun and draws me to dig deeper, and then who knows where this journey will take me.

Shortest day & here at Renwick, in the Marlborough district the earth is being washed, fresh snow is low on the ranges around us and there is definately a winter feeling. In recent days I have seen some hardy bulbs reaching from the earth to embrace life anew. On Tuesday my laptop would not start properly.... started a session for it, to repair/heal & was promptly taken to "other modalities". When this happens with human species, next question is usually, "another health professional", with animals it is usually "vetenarian", with husbands truck, it would be "mechanic" so with my lap-top my next question was "computer technician"? I recieved a resounding YES! Oh, this does not look good. They attempted to restart & it was still running "diagnostics" by the end of the day. Wednesday I woke with the feeling "the hard drive on the laptop is cooked"! In the past I would have thrown myself into panic and control mode, desperate to retrieve all the data & worrying what I had lost, and furious with myself that I had not done a back up recently etc. My feelings were "oh well, maybe this is a way of showing me new beginnings" So I shifted my focus to "I want all the information, photos, music and files that are helpful and supportive of my moving forward to be retained, and all other wil not be retrieved"! Sure enough @ 10am I recieved a phone call with good & bad news. Yes it was cooked and it was still under warranty! They have ordered another harddrive and will attempt to retrieve the data. This feeling of calmness and trust is exciting, fairly new and wonderful. Now having seen these feelings at work, in an area that is important to me (love my computer and what I can create with it) it gives me hope that I can do this in other areas of my life and teach others to do the same. When we "change the way we look at things the things we look at will change", so by viewing this in a perspective that "this is just how it is & is a new beginning" has removed all emotional charges and left me with a feeling of peace. Just had a phone call to say they cannot retrieve any of the data! New beginnings for sure! So I start with a new hard drive, fresh programming and the ability to write new data!

My attention has been arrested recently as I look at others...I ask myself am I seeing clearly? Am I seeing the truth? Just who am I seeing? I can remember not so long ago when I realized that EVERYTHING/EVERYONE is just perfect! Yes, perfect...nothing and no-one was broken or needed fixing! Wow, what a revelation, and it changed so many things within me and around me. What we look for we find...What we focus on becomes real.. I do have to admit tho, that I have slipped back into old patterning...and I do not like it...so what to do. A reality check! Change the way I look/see! Someone posted the passage below on my wall....."You see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts." ~ Byron Katie ~

Was a beautiful reminder and food for thought....ARE YOU having challenges in the way you are seeing others? Do YOU have challenges in the way you see yourself and your life? Would you like to make it different? Would you like to be different? Read more.... or Contact Erena for more information.I also love this poem - I Look In the MirrorI look in the mirror, and what do I see?Someone that everyone else calls ME.This is my hair, this is my nose.These are my shoulders and these are my clothes.They see me, they know me, they call out my name.They seem to believe that I am always the same.But none of my dreams or my thoughts can be seen.You can see what I look like, but not what I mean.Look at me closely with ALL of your eyes, All you will see is my perfect disguise.

I am looking at different ways to share my experience and knowledge with a wider audience.

My personal journey has taken me through 3 years of nursing, conceiving & raising 3 children to adulthood (youngest 17 now), with various health & behavioral challenges along the way, dealing with unhealthy & dysfunctional family dynamics, post natal depression, clinical depression, weight issues, self esteem challenges, financial challenges. I have had ongoing training over the past 8 years regarding the human state, emotions, body psychology and have experienced many things that work for many people.

I have a great respect that we are all unique and special individuals & love the challenge in finding the particular formula that will work best for you in any given interaction in either individual or group sessions.

So if YOU have a particular challenge or interest that you would like to learn more about I would love the opportunity to put pen to paper & write about it from my perspective, understanding, experience and knowledge.

Please feel free to message me with a request. All aspects of your requests will be kept confidential, but I would like to use my writings to reach others, that will likely resonate with your situation in some way.

In gratitude for your trust, interest and supporting me to develop different skills and deepen my passion for the work I do, each week I will draw a FREE session for one person within the ones who assist me in this. If you do not want the free session, you may pass it on to someone who would.

A quote from Marianne Williamson's book "A Return To Love" is in my face this week - "Our negativity is as destructive to us as alcohol is to an alcoholic" and when I recall part of a speech from Rudyard Kipling in 1923 - "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. Not only do words infect, egotize, narcotize, and paralyse, but they enter into and colour the minutest cells of the brain" I realise I am being challenged to not only watch my words, whoever I may be speaking to or about, but I also need to watch my thoughts....they are what become the words!