John Smid, Former Director Of Love In Action in Memphis, Is Apologizing

In 2007, three former Exodus leaders offered a public apology to those “who believed our message that there is something inherently wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.” Today we find that Smid is offering his own apology.

Some people have spoken out about being wounded through their experience with Love In Action. ” I want to say I am very sorry for the things that have wounded you or hurt you by my hands of leadership at Love In Action or anything I have done personally that has harmed you. Please forgive me.

Concerning Exodus International he writes:

I believe I could have done a better job of letting people know that Jesus loves them purely because He does, unconditionally. I am sorry for not being a better vessel of the Love of Christ to those who deeply need to know of His love. I realize I was often more concerned with telling people how to live than I was with imparting God’ grace so that they would want to live!

Concerning the Refuge program responsible for the ordeal over Zach:

I really wanted to help the young men in our program but in some cases the design of our program caused more harm for some of these kids that it did good. I am very sorry for the ways that Refuge further wounded teens that were already in a very delicate place in life.

And Smid asks those who were hurt by or through him to contact him.

If you have been wounded by me or harmed through the hands of my leadership; please come to me and allow an opportunity for me to personally apologize with the hope that we can both be released from the bondage of unforgiveness.

Hey John, was that indeed you that showed up on my parents’ doorstep in 1999, unannounced and uninvited, to fill my mother’s head with your fundamentalist brainwashing and junk science? If so, you may leave your personal apology for setting my family on a course that has never been righted in the comments section.

But that’s as far as it needs to go. As Timothy Kincaid points out in the comments section at Ex-Gay Watch:

As for “apologize in person”, I would not recommend it. Though John has moved away from judgmentalism, his site still has as a doctrinal statement that “We acknowledge the sinfulness of any sexual act outside of the scriptural context of Holy Matrimony between a man and a woman” and I’m not seeing that to be anything less that a rejection of those who do not agree.

Exactly. I would take it further: his site still has a doctrinal statement that denies reality and stands in opposition to the existence of millions of healthy, happy LGBT people and our families. You can dress bigotry up with a bow and a new please-and-thank-you attitude, but it’s still bigotry, and it hurts actual people.

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16 Comments

MichaelMarch 4, 2010 at 11:21 pm -

As a Christian, I can tell you that “ex-gay” activist Smid is experiencing the Holy Spirit trying to convict his heart. He is beginning to realize the sinfulness of homophobia and the harm it causes. But he still has a way to go.

I am sorry to hear that unrepentant homophobe Smid came to your house and used homophobia to negatively influence your parents. A person who is really trying to bring people to Christ does not engage in that kind of behavior.

I will pray for Mr Smid and ask God to keep working on his heart. I look forward to the day militant “ex-gay,” anti-gay activist Smid renounces homophobia and leaves homophobia far behind. Only then can he really begin to atone for the damage he’s done to so many.

I’m not 100% that it was he. It was definitely from that circle, though. That’s why he needs to answer the question.

LeeMarch 5, 2010 at 2:36 am -

John’s apology would seem more sincere if his anti-gay group and others like it were working for civil rights equality. If these groups are truly “not judging” gays as he claims, then why do they oppose gays adopting, gays marrying, gays in the military, gay employment protections, etc? Think about it. If gay people had 100% equality, who would even care 1 second about these haters? But they have legislated their bigotry and are constantly trying to enforce it (to the point of demanding that bullying and bashing be allowed in schools). That is totally sick and far from being “non-judgmental”.

Michael BusseeMarch 5, 2010 at 11:16 am -

There seems to be a progression as ex-gays and ex-gay leaders “wake up”. I cannot speak for John, but I will share my own experience. First, you realize (after years of trying)that it isn’t working for YOU. You realize you are still gay and not becoming straight after all. This is devastating. Liberating. Your whole world starts to shift.

Next, you struggle with whether or not to tell anyone else about this shattering self-realization. How will they react? Will they be supportive? Will you be condemned by them and by God for not “changing”? WIll Christians hate you? Will gays hate you?

Regardless, you decide you have to tell someone. Somehow, you feel forced to do it. You can’t keep hiding. The reactions are mixed — very mixed. Some people shake your hand encourage you to get even more honest with yourself and others. Some tell you you will surely go to hell.

Some gays revile you and tell you NO apology will ever be good enough and that you have blood on your hands you can never wash off. In effect, they tell you to go to hell too. You deserve their mistrust and their scorn.

But you decide you’d rather go to hell than go through any more of THIS hell — the hell of living a lie — the hell of trying to convince yourself and others that you are “ex-gay”. So you start telling. You feel compelled to tell.

At the same time, you realize that you have done yourself and many others great harm. The guilt is crushing. You SHOULD feel guilty. This was never your intent. You hurt people.

You don’t hate gays. You never have. You have been brainwashed to believe and to teach something that is not true. You really thought God would change you. You were sold, and were selling, a lie.

Looking away from your own pain, you notice the suffering that this lie has caused for others. You feel sick to your stomach about it. Terrible guilty. How could you possibly have believed it? Wasn’t it obvious that people weren’t “changing”? No. It wasn’t obvious because the denial was so deep. You have been in a twilight zone.

You ache. For yourself. For them. You grieve. You decide to make it public that you are still homosexual and that are sorry for the harm you caused. This announcement may cost you everything. It cost me nearly everything and everyone I loved. No one will be pleased. Ex-gays will reject you as reprobate and a traitor.

Gays will reject you saying you can never apologize enough. They are right. You can’t. You do it anyway. Deep down, you still struggle with whether or not it is sin. That goes on for years. You wish the struggle would end.

If you are lucky and have supportive friends, especially gay friends, especially Christian gay friends, you begin to unload all the crap you used to believe about yourself and other gay people. They say, “Great Mike, you are coming out. Take the next step. God won’t abandon you. We won’t either. We will be here for you.”

With their help, you begin to accept yourself as gay. You begin to feel some REAL gay PRIDE– maybe for the first time in your miserable life. It’s exhilerating. Terrifying. You are coming out. Finally.

It takes a long time to reject ALL the crap. It clings to you. All the stuff they used to tell you about sin and hell still reverberates. If you are lucky, you begin to realize there is NOTHING wrong with being gay. God really loves you.

You are not sick, or sinful, or broken. You never have been. You don’t need to “change”. No one does. It is right and good to be gay. You even feel comfortable with the term — GAY — with the idea that God loves you anyway. So do other people.

I don’t know what John is going through, but I think he may be somewhere on this road. All I know is that I went through this process. I did not emerge from the ex-gay nightmare overnight whole and self-accepting. I did not immediately denounce everything I had believed or begin openly supporting civil rights. That took time.

No, I am not jumping for joy that John has done this, but he did it. I thank him for this step. There is much more to do. He has a very, very long way to go. I believe God will take him the rest of the way. I vote for supporting this step. I vote for helping him to come the rest of the way out.

John Smid’s tone was never the problem. The fact that he focused on one thing while missing an opportunity to “connect with people where they are” was not the problem. It’s that he propagates disproven nonsense which damages people, and personally, I prefer the former, because the kinder, gentler approach is just more dishonest.

Priya LynnMarch 5, 2010 at 12:43 pm -

Michael said “Gays will reject you saying you can never apologize enough.”.

I accept you Michael, you’ve apologized enough for me. You stopped trying to oppress gays and started supporting equal rights – that’s enough for me.

adrianTMarch 5, 2010 at 1:43 pm -

Wonderful post by Michael – Even if in the short term it’s painful, honesty and admitting one is wrong is always the best route, and can win only respect. Mr Busse’s admission was the more admirable because he sought to make it as forthright, as unequivocal, and as public as possible, rather than retreat into obscurity. The sincerity and a genuine willingness to make amends to show concern, and understand are what count.

If people cannot accept you for who you are, and what you believe, then you don’t need to be fawning over those people in the first place. Respect from a few is worth more than false friendship from the many, when reason is on your side. Christians are called to take the rocky high road – I hope Mr Smid can follow in these footsteps.

ChristineMarch 5, 2010 at 4:27 pm -

1. I am glad to read John Smid’ apology, and I hope it is a step toward him becoming the kind of person who does not harm LGBT people, or those who are having conflicts but don’t embrace such an identity.

2. Unfortunately, Smid still doesn’t get it. He still doesn’t affirm our relationships or respect embracing a LGBT identity. The harm begins here (to paraphrase a comment I read on another blog). Smid says his new ministry is not PRIMARILY (read it closely) focused on ex-gay ministry. But it IS an ex-gay ministry, and therefore it will continue to propagate harm — for LGBT people, for those who are conflicted, and for anyone who does not accept Smid’ version of Christianity (these people believe this last group will be punished by god just as this first group will). Mr. Smid, I appreciate your apology; however, I believe you have a long way to go to truly understand the harm you continue to cause.

3. Survivors of ex-gay ministries BEWARE: While I think the potential for healing by speaking about the harm to the person who harmed you is possible, when this person (John Smid) does not realize that he is still contributing to the abuse of others (see point #2), then he is a dangerous person for survivors to talk with. He is still an abuser, with a more subtle brand of heterosexism and condemnation, which is why he is MORE dangerous now than before. That he thinks by “revamping the methods” of Love in Action now makes LIA not harmful reveals that he does not understand the nature of the abuse he (and other ex-gay organizations) continues to perpetrate.

4. Last point. This apology from Smid came about/happened as a result of an invitation for dialogue by a writer over at http://www.exgaywatch.com, David Roberts. Roberts makes the point in his article about this there that Smid’ apology and new ministry sounds a lot like the work of Andrew Marin (author of _Love is an Orientation_) of The Marin Foundation. Marin’ book/perspective, I think, is MORE dangerous in some ways than Exodus, because it’ a kinder, gentler version of the same condemning, heterosexist message, and Marin offers in this book a strategy for Christians to develop relationships with LGBT people for the ultimate purpose of converting them to [their version of] Christianity (which they then think will lead converts eventually to renounce their homosexuality).

Guess what one of Marin’ first suggested steps in this process is?

Yep, an apology.

Read this book so you know about the newest strategy for more subtle attempts to “reach” us – apparently lots of people supporting ex-gay ministry and psychology are reading it (including Chambers, who seems to be apologizing all over the place).

Be careful of kinder, gentler Christian supremacists. They won’t call you “HO-MO-SEX-SHALL” and, in fact, some of them might even be very educated about our lives(rather than the so-called “lifestyle” of the less educated brand of heterosexist).

They will listen to you, they will care about you, they will acknowledge that Christians have and do oppress us as a people. You will sincerely think your relationship and your identity as a GLBT person is genuinely respected. But make no mistake – they eventually want you to accept [their version of] Christianity and they do want you to renounce your homosexuality in good time, but they know they have to get into your heart and soul first, however long that takes.

I believe that many of the people who approach evangelism in this slicker style are indeed very sincere, they really do believe they love us deeply and that what they have to offer is good for us.

They’re dangerous.

Chet ThompsonMarch 6, 2010 at 2:22 am -

I’m sorry, but the voices from the grave of those who have been driven to suicide rather than deal with the crap that comes from the “Ex-Gays Ministries(???)” are still asking— are your apologies sincere? are your apologies REAL? what are you willing to do for the families [chosen, including partners of the victims of suicide, and birth] of those, who have committed this reprehensible act, to stop the hatred from family and Churches from condemning them?

I’m sorry, but John Smid has been tied to James Dobson, Rick Warren and Pat Robertson for too many years to really accept his apology at this time.

Now if he PROVES that he has repented and is truly sorry, then he will DO SOMETHING for those who remain, that he and his ilk have condemned to committing suicide. I’ve personally buried too many of those young men and women who have chosen to leave this life than listen to the constant HOMOPHOBIA!!!

PROVE it John!

WilliamMarch 6, 2010 at 9:06 am -

What is past is past, and no matter how much you would like to, you can never go back and put things right — a fact over which I’ve shed quite a few tears recently (although not in connection with “ex-gay” ministries, with which I never had the misfortune to be involved).

When Jeremy Marks of the Courage Trust in the UK finally confessed to the world that he had failed, after years of striving, to change his own sexual orientation, and that “none of the people we’ve counselled have converted [to heterosexuality] no matter how much effort and prayer they’ve put into it”, he transformed Courage into a gay-affirmative Christian ministry.

To me the crux of the matter is this: is the new ministry that John Smid is now running similar to the one that Courage UK has now become? Or is it simply another “ex-gay” ministry, only with an even thicker veneer of “love” and “redemptive compassion” than the one that he ran before? If it is the latter — and I’m stressing the word “if” — then it’ going to be even more dangerous and insidious than the previous one. I’m reminded of a little rhyme that I read years ago as a kid:

“It’ not enough to say,
“I’m sorry; I repent’
And then go on the same old way,
Just like I always went.”

WilliamMarch 6, 2010 at 9:26 am -

Going to the web-site of John Smid’ Grace Rivers ministry, I see that his Doctrinal Statement includes the following:

“We acknowledge the sinfulness of any sexual act outside of the scriptural context of Holy Matrimony between a man and a woman.”

I also note several references to those who are “impacted [sic] by homosexuality” and a link to Exodus International.

In the words of Scripture, “What need we any further witnesses?”

Mike AirhartMarch 8, 2010 at 2:17 am -

I don’t believe someone is truly apologetic unless they are actively working to reverse the wrong that they have done.

Many evangelicals have cheapened the notions of “grace” and “repentance” by contending that a verbal apology by itself means anything.

I was never an ex-gay activist, but as closeted gay conservative Christian in high school and early in college, I did withhold assistance from a few people who were being bullied; I occasionally led some of my phobic classmates to believe I was on their side; and I “heroically” preached the “love the sinner” line in opposition to nasty classmates who were simply more honest and proud of their unjust attitudes.

I have spent two decades working to undo those few years of damage in various ways.

When John Smid pays for the years of counseling that teen-agers needed to reverse his program’s abuse; when Smid personally visits the hundreds of parents whom he deliberately alienated from their LGBT children and tells them that he lied to them; when Smid revisits his previous speaking engagements and tells them, too, that he lied; when Smid actively condemns the reparative therapy of NARTH and the deliberate religious and social ostracism and bigotry of Exodus — then I will believe that he is apologizing.

But mere catchphrases like “I’m sorry” do not constitute an apology.

BrianApril 26, 2010 at 12:47 am -

I was in LIA from 94(last year in SF) through 95(1st year in Memphis). I’m surprised that no one has ever bothered to bring up John’s theology. In my conversations with him during my 2 years in the program, I came to understand that his belief is classic Arminianism – like Arminians such as John Wesley, Richard Watson, H. Orton Wiley, and Stanley Horton, John also rejects the notion of eternal security. This being the case, homosexuality is indeed a salvation issue in John’ mind. It would have to be. He truly believes that we gay christians in no way will inherit the kingdom. Once I understood this, I was finally able to let go of all the anger and wounding. I also understood his take on suicide being a safer option. It’s all so sad to me. But I’ve finally moved on. I’m gay. I love Jesus. I’ll see you all in heaven!

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