It's very interesting, but slightly confusing. I think the reason why is because you jump from one section to another without a break. Try to use a paragraph per small topic. Exellent wording! Is very beautiful!

That was very nice. You commented in a review of one of my poems that mine puts yours to shame, but I beg to differ. Your writing is very nice, and although I'm not familiar with Hawaiian folklore, my enjoyment of it wasn't stifled any. Nice job.