Archive for the ‘ivf’ Tag

We are all at such individual, personal stages in our journey with creating our own families. This could be trying IVF for the first time, or the sixth because you’re a “poor responder” – how dare they label us that – or having had a miscarriage, or having realised that it’s time to accept our shape of ‘family’ might include dogs, step children, and a trips to India. I’m at the later end of the spectrum. It’s immense.
I no longer want to hear about people getting pregnant, or want to support another friend through IVF. It’s too heartbreaking. The lovely people at Fertility NZ have compassionately identified this, and are saying, “That’s okay”. How nice to feel valid, in a journey that is anything but valid or fair.
I’ve recently met three women (indirectly through Fertility NZ) who are in exactly the same boat as me; in fact they’re in the same class of accommodation, on the same deck, with identical rooms that do not overlook the children’s play area. We’re from all over New Zealand and walks of life. They’ve saved me really. We talk about how shitty life can be, and how we don’t know ourselves anymore. I don’t need to try and be cheerful if I don’t want to be. We support each other in a way that even our closest and dearest friends can’t. And we have some fantastic laughs. Also, they don’t feel sorry for me the way the rest of society can.
Dealing with sadness (I still can’t say that word ‘grief’ without grimacing) is not something we’re trained in. Our partners secretly want us to get over it and it feels so heavy sometimes we think it’ll squish us. And sometimes we want it to. I hate clichés but being able to share all this without the earth falling is quite special.
This blog is to connect you with others. It’s for you to share those really dark moments, and moments of insanity (like wanting to steal children from supermarkets!). It’s for when you want to cry into an email about how your sister doesn’t understand why you won’t go to a family get together because your cousin has just had a baby and if you saw your grandmother gently hold it in her arms, your heart would break. Again.
If you are facing a new shape to your life, and want to talk to other women, give this blog a go. There’s no hurry to make a new best friend. Be being bitingly honest and something will ease. It’s over to you. I’ll check in every now and again.
Kia kaha my friends – you’re not alone, and never will be.
Janie