Do not ignore the Red Flags in any relationship, always keep your eyes open.

7August 17, 2018By Dang

So often the term ‘Red Flag’ is used when talking about a romantic relationship, but no one ever talks about the Red Flags in friendships. The same way you see the Red Flags before getting into any relationship is the same way you see it before getting deep into a friendship.

Its almost three months since we last spoke. I received a message from Anna via whatsapp asking what was going on between the both of us, that people have been asking questions. I was not invited to her engagement and that should have answered the questions that were looming in the minds of those curious about our relationship.

I called her a week after I found out she was engaged to say congratulations, but deep down I knew we would not really be friends anymore. Eleven years of friendship gone down the drain, how did this happen?

Hannah and I met when we were just girls in secondary school, we did not start talking till we were in our second year. We became close in our fifth and sixth year of school before we graduated. We talked about a lot of things and I felt comfortable enough to share my personal thoughts with her. We both came from similar backgrounds and had a lot of things in common, including our likes and dislikes.

In my mind she was one of the coolest people on the planet, a lot of our peers in school did not like her but I did not care, to me she was cool. She would tell me stories about her boyfriend at the time and it would fascinate me because I was still naïve about the opposite sex. Her stories made me feel like I was in another world, if there were any Red Flags during our six years in school, I did not see it, I was awe struck.

I did not see any of the Flags till we graduated from secondary school, we both did not get admission immediately and we became even closer. There was a boy in my neighborhood who I liked very much and I told her a lot about him. Twitter was very hot at the time, so while scrolling through twitter I noticed she wished him a happy birthday. I was surprised because there was no link whatsoever between them. It later dawned on me that because of the stories I told her about him, she went to my followers and found him and started talking to him. I was very unhappy about this, she acted like it was him that found her but I already knew the truth. He even talked to me about her so I did not buy into her pretence of innocence. It took Me a while to get over that but I finally did.

I did not have a lot of friends so I talked to her a lot and told her things about my family , I later discovered she told her brother these things and it got me really upset, I got over that too. She knew I liked writing and I decided to post some of my write ups on social media, she would post her boyfriend’s write ups almost simultaneously as if to say he was better. This was also very upsetting but I got over it too. An ex boyfriend who I liked very much while we were in the university liked her a little and wanted to date her, he told me about this but I did not like it.

I told him she had a boyfriend at the time and she actually did, he told me he opened up to her that we once dated and she had agreed to meet up with him later. I do not know if they actually met but he later told me they did not. The funny thing was that she did not tell me all this herself but rather she would constantly watch his snap chat posts and tell me how he was living large like she was trying to get me to regret breaking up with him. I also had another ex whom she had on her snap chat too and she would also watch his stories and tell me about how he was spending so much money and having fun. Matter of fact, she had three of my exes on her snap chat and she would tell me about their stories and the way they had so much money, it was like she wanted me to to feel bad or something, yet I still ignored it.

She once set me up with a guy she knew was a loser but did not tell me that until I was already emotionally invested in the relationship. People called us sisters a lot, we looked alike and we were always together. The truth is that I never really trusted her because I knew she gossiped a lot and I suspected she gossiped about me. In our final year in the University while clearing ourselves to leave school we had issues with money. I had helped her pay some fees but I paid it into the wrong account and I could not rectify the problem. So I had to pay again, including mine because I had also paid mine into the wrong account. She had acted funny during that time like I was being dishonest when all I was trying to do was solve the problem.

Now, almost a year after graduation, our “friendship” has come to an end. The truth is I have my faults and made mistakes too. Your worst enemy is someone else’s best friend. There are some people we should not be in relationships with, not that they are bad people but the relationship itself is just wrong. Do not ignore the Red Flags in any relationship, always keep your eyes open.

This is very true. Friendships are investments and one should really watch out when entering into any. Some people can really crush your believe in humanity and some can totally make you believe every good in humanity. It’s your responsibility to discern and choose people wisely. Watch out for the signs, they are always, always there.

These red signs sometimes are obvious. But I don’t think after the 1st few signs you should have continued in same pace with her. You should have categorized her as “that kind of friend” after the first set of signs.
Really, trust is risky and should be carefully dispensed.