One of my Ponders group does a daily blog and linked to a fascinating article on procrastinators a while back.

Apparently, people procrastinate for different reasons. Dr. Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago identifies three basic types of procrastinators:

Arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.

Avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.

Decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.

You do realise that everything that has ever happened to you, good or bad, has brought you to where you are today.

You may be in a great place right now, so think if any tiny little thing in your past were different it would have changed your trajectory and you may well be in a very different place right now rather than where you are.

All those not so good places were necessary in order for you to be here.

If you’re not in such a great place just realise that you are in one of those not so good places that will lead you to the great place later. So appreciate it for what it is.

Why only appreciate it later? Thank everything and everybody from your past for helping to get you here. Thank ‘here’ for being part of the journey that’s going to get you ‘there’ in the future.

And always remember… in the depths of winter the blossom is waiting to bloom.

Who will you thank, and for what?

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

PS: This is p.358 of my book ‘How To Change Your Life One Day At A Time‘.

You know what I mean right? Sure you do. I could sit here and write a page of words that show you what they might be but I’d only be scratching the surface wouldn’t I?

We’ve all got stuff going on that we say is this or that. But we know it’s not. I mean it could look that way to the untrained eye, to the casual observer, but we know it’s just a façade for what’s really going on.

Take a good look at it today, be as honest with yourself as you can. Allow the discomfort or maybe even pain of looking at it to come through. Welcome it. Once we open the cupboard door and shine a light in there we can see there was nothing to be afraid of.

I know this’ll be hard for a lot of people – me included, so lets all dig deep and give it a try.

Possibly the number one reason people do not reach their goals, or even attempt to reach them in many cases is – negative beliefs.

If you fall in to that category then in this post I aim to give you some tactics to move past them.

#1 Identify them – seems obvious but a lot of the time you may be completely unaware of your own negative beliefs. Ask yourself what is holding you back, what is stopping you reach your goals at the moment?

The answer to this question will reveal a reason or maybe a whole raft of reasons. These reasons are negative beliefs. Whoa! I here you say – these are valid reasons, and they may seem totally valid.

I don’t have the money, I was born in the wrong country, my family needs me, I’m not physically able etc, etc. Sound familiar?

#2 Find evidence that supports them – imagine you were someone else asking you for evidence, what would you say?

“Look at my bank account, see, no money. I was born into poverty, this is a poor area in a poor country. I am the only bread winner in the family I can’t go off chasing my dreams.”…you get the idea.

#3 Now identify the meaning of that evidence – does it mean you are destined to remain where you are? Is it fate? Is it God’s plan for you? You weren’t lucky enough to be born with the right circumstances, etc.

#4 Now question if there could be another meaning – maybe it means you have to find your own path to your goals despite the obstacles. Maybe that challenge is the process that will give you the fulfillment. Maybe you are afraid of failing or possibly of the effort that will be required.

#5 Identify the fear – there almost undoubtedly is one. If you can understand what it is, you can deal with it. Fears of this type are usually a challenge to us, they are saying ‘How much do you want this?‘

#6 Mitigate the fear – find ways to reduce the risk of failure – eg: learn whatever you need to, model what others have done to achieve it, learn to accept failure as part of the journey.

Example:

Imagine a kid learning to ride bike. First, they say they can’t ride (negative belief). Why can’t they? Because they fell off when they tried (evidence). What did that mean? They can’t ride (meaning). Really, could there be another meaning – like they have to do it over and over before they’ll succeed (alternative meaning). But it hurts (fear). So they should wear a helmet and knee & elbow pads (mitigate fear).

Summary

Whatever your negative belief find someone that has overcome it. Model what they did. If you can’t find someone that did what you want to do, find someone that did something for the first time and model how they did that. You could be the first with your goal. Biographies are a mine of information – read up on those you admire.

It all starts with realising that your belief can be changed. The second step is deciding that you are going to make that change. Remember the 6 keys to success in any area:

I had only one question that I wanted to ask of many complete strangers: WHAT ONE THING YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?

I wanted to document how different people would answer the same question, based on their own lives and circumstances. What I found was in many, many cases their answer led me to ask another question, then another, then a final question. (A process I now call ‘Crossing The River‘).

It was in these instances that those asked gave the most considered responses, delving deeper and deeper into the issue. In many cases they actually answered the most penetrating question they had probably been asked in years, if not decades.

They were as surprised by their answers as I was.

Remarkable considering that not one interview took more than two minutes to complete, AND they were complete strangers to me!

Many wanted to change things about their appearance, some about bad habits they had and some about the way they thought about themselves or others. I was moved and surprised at just how candid these people were, how open. I sincerely hope that some of them went home that day and actually made the change they said they wanted.

So what are the four questions you MUST ask yourself if you want to make any change in your life, whether it’s to do with your relationships, your achievements, your lifestyle, your health, wealth and happiness or your career?

Bare in mind the change MUST be about YOU – not your boss, or your neighbour, or the economy or anything else that you cannot influence.

Get Help

Let me suggest that you get someone else to ask you these questions – a close friend or family member or even a colleague. Answer the first one before getting them to ask the second. Then answer that before they ask you the third, and so on.

Answer as quickly as possible too as this is where the revelation is, when your mind doesn’t have time to dwell on and possibly filter the answer. It doesn’t take long – as I said, of the 30 or so interviews I did on that cold day in February, not one took longer than two minutes!

Crossing The River

Here are the 4 questions:

1. What is the ONE thing you’d like to change about YOURSELF today? (This is not about your circumstances, this is about YOU.)

2. Why do you want to make that change?

3. How will you make that change?

4. What’s stopping you?

Make a note of them, then forget about them until you have chosen someone to help you with this insightful exercise. If you decide you want to do them on your own then answer the first question NOW. Quick – answer!