Barbie
was a toy every single little girl wanted to be like, and look at them now WHORES EACH AND EVERY ONE of them! so if you want your child to be a whore, let them have a Barbie, if you want your child to puke everything they eat, or not eat at all, or get plastic surgery, give them a Barbie. I bet you had a Barbie when u were little...right? right? The Barbie's reign ultimately spanned a total of 415 years, from 1959 - 2374.

Klaus Barbie had previously earned a considerable fortune performing at sideshows as "Klauschen, The Worlds Tiniest NaziMidget", and most of this money went into the creation of the first line of Barbie dolls. "I zimply vanted somethink in my own size to cuddle vith" the diminutive Klaus would later tell his biographers.

When Barbera died, Klaus changed the name of the doll toJust Barbie, a cheers to his little self.

Currently, Hasbro owns the rights to the dolls, as well as the D&D range, and are making versions of the dolls to be used as figures in the games. The new range includes:

In 1997, Hasbro coupled with the electronic-death giant Sony to create the crossover video game, Barbie in Doom. The massively unpopular first-person shooter is credited with single-handedly causing the collapse of Sony and the subsequent surrender of it United States to the country of Estonia.

The only copy of Barbie in Doom known not to have been destroyed has been encased in an arcade-game box and is held in a maximum-security wing of the University of The North Pole. Viewing hours pending.

A very popular plastic toy which is often collected by young girls or dirty old men.

The original Ken doll was taken off the market after the Bored Housewives Association deemed it unsuitable for impressionable girls. It has since been replaced by the new Ken, who comes with six-pack and beer gut.

In a recent interview with salacious gossip tabloid The New York Times, Barbie denied any romantic involvement with GI Joe, insisting that her heart belongs to paunchy but realistic Ken, asking that this be an example to her fans and their five year old daughters.

In 2004 Barbie appeared on the game show Jeopardy and lost $1145. She did however beat fellow contestants George W. Bush and Sean Connery...but Connery fucked Barbie's mom after that.

The original Barbies had side-facing eyes because looking people in the eye when you don't wear underwear and date your brother is not an option.

In 1982 Barbie was diagnosed with the mental disease called penisalota which was caused by Barbie being sexually assaulted with cactuses and other random objects by her father. This lead to Barbie taking up the profession of being an escort. Barbie would take random people of any gender out to dinner for the cost of $1000 and an extra $2000 for whatever happened after which would typically end up with hot cheese being poured over her ass and the customer would lick the cheese off. "Oh baby lick the cheese off my ass"-Barbie. soon after in 1990 Ken found out about her "career" he cheated on her with his 3rd cousin twice removed and broke up with Barbie. After Barbies career as an escort ended she was diagnosed with the std shpiagonnaherpalitis and suckadickitis of the throat, ass, and mouth. "I got clamidia nigga nigga"... Soon after the doctors diagnosed her, Barbie got into the terrible world of a drug addict which started her downhill slide. In 2000 Barbie's vagina rotted and fell off due to her illnesses and she had no choice but to get surgery. Thats why Barbie was taken off the shelves and re-released as a new improved plastic Barbie instead of the original rubber Barbie.

Sadly, Barbie died on July 7th 2009 from an overdose on cocaine, heroine, and twinkies. The autopsy revealed that Barbie had been a hardcore druggie, struggling with a twinkie addiction, bulimia, and hardcore music. although the music didn't kill her, the heroine surly did... stupid bitch tits size AAAA, that some small titties right there!

There is an exclusive Barbie club which, while having a large following, has only two actual members, one of whom is the notorious Rasta Jesus. The other is surprisingly none other than Squirtle of Pokemon fame, whose vast appetite for pornography caused him to join in the hope that he would be surrounded by prepubescent girls.

The torso of this special edition Barbie has a synthetic jelly pumped into the outside layer. It comes with a Jenny Craig diet book and Jenny Craig food. You have to feed the doll the Jenny Craig food and make it exercise on the treadmill at Jenny Craig home gym. If you don't feed the doll Jenny Craig food it stretches and gets bigger until it bursts.

The "Life Size Boob Job Barbie" that came with inflatable breasts has been recalled after the breasts have popped and several children were blinded.

Traditionally, Barbie dolls were always emaciated with small feet. This is because Barbie dolls have always been tortured. Hasbro intended for teenage girls to have fun mashing Barbie dolls in blenders, decapitating the dolls, rubbing Spandex and eggs on the dolls, feeding them to the household pet, and ejaculating on them. After all, the more dolls destroyed-ah, the more moolah made-ah! All in the name of Misandry.

Barbie is notorious for her apparent lack of nipples and female genitalia. The proportions of her body are also such that if she were a real human woman, she would die of massive bone breakage and internal hemorrhaging before taking three steps. This has lead many critics to postulate that Barbie is in fact based on a failed experiment to cross human and alienDNA. After all she is only six inches tall and one inch wide, so of course her body is unrealistic.

As part of the 500th Anniversary of the creation of Barbie a collection of "special" Barbies were created, the most popular has been the Cheap Ho' (released in the UK as "Slapper" or Chav Barbie) Barbie. The doll was released in a double pack, with an additional Ken figure, released as Colombian (Released in UK as "Manchester") Ken. Cheap Ho' and Ken have a special house designed for them, where there is a corner and street sign on the side, and crack rezin on the floor. This rezin can be found throughout the house. Cheap Ho' barbie has been known to watch Buffy The Negroslayer in her free time, or fuck Ken inside his accessory car.

"She's not worth it mode" - in response to Barbie going into Catfight Mode, alternative vocalizations include "Just sit on the bitch, Barbie!", "Grab her hair", "Fuck her up good!" and "Whoa, you whooped her ass good!".

The method involves putting some snags onto the the BBQ and letting them sit there for at least an hour. During this hour you are required to talk to your "mates" about football, beer and women. During this conversation you should include these phrases: "Yeah, mate" or "G'day".

Through history Barbies have been known to be popular to down right dangerous. Several times Barbies have been removed from the shelves for being, A) Dangerous, B) Unsuitable, and/or C) Actually nonexistent.

Barbie has had a number of high-profile fights with perennial rival Sindy over the years, mainly at toy conventions. One such incident featured Barbie straddling Sindy's chest reigning down blows on her before being pulled away by Action Man. After a number of years, this lead to special WCW and WWF "Barbie vs Sindy" events and the launch of the Barbie and Sindy wrestling ring and more recently a cage for Total Scrag Fighting.

In one of her new movies, Barbie stars as Corrine, a seventeen year-old chocolate maker who dreams of becoming a Three Musketeer candy bar, one of the products of inbreeding the royal family. There is just one problem: there has never been a real Three Musketeer person before, but that isn't going to stop Corrine. In search of her chocolaty dream, she travels to CandyLand with her cat Mittens and a letter introducing her to Monsieur Truffles, the head of the Three Male Musketeers. However, a grumpy old bum makes off with her letter and while she chases after him, she is unsuccessful in getting it back.

Along the way, she meets three other girls - Viveca another chocolateer, Aramina a "dancer" and Renee an bum. All four girls are soon employed as "maids" at the royal train station, where they all realize they share the same wish to become a piece of chocolate.

When a creepy old woman notices their eating and burping abilities, she takes them to a hidden chamber in the train station where she helps them train (no pun intended) and develop their unique "talents". However, Corrine and her friends soon discover a plot to get rid of Prince Pie at a royal Manic Panic Mascara ball and they realize that it's up to them to save him.