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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bill Maher: BLOGGA PLEASE September 25, 2010 Zingers

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, September 24th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

There’s nothing about what really, you know, is bothering people, especially on that side of the aisle, how to cut the deficit or decrease spending, it’s just about kicking out Mexicans, keeping Guantanamo open, getting rid of health insurance for sick kids, you know, feel-good stuff.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue, regarding the Republicans “Pledge to America”

It was a very good week for getting absolutely nothing done in Congress. They blocked, the Republicans did, the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We thought this was going to be a done deal. I don’t know what their problem is with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Even if it is repealed, there will still be a major American institution where gays are still forced to hide in shame and secrecy: The Republican party.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

They’re giving up on their tax cuts for the middle class until after the election. … Have they seen the polls? Planning to do this after the election. This is like a condemned man asking for a doggie bag at the last meal.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

Christine O’Donnell in Delaware … There are a lot of questions now about her use of campaign funds and not paying her taxes and not paying her mortgage. And on top of that, some asshole outed her as a witch.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

Let me just say to the Wiccans, who are the witch people out there, cause they’re on my case: It wasn’t me, Wiccans, who conflated witches with Satanic stuff, that was Christine did that. I know that Satan worshippers and witches are not the same thing. So please, change my assistant back into a human. Would ya please? It’s funny for a while, but chickens can’t type.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

The one thing that’s definitely true is there’s certainly a cover-up. I mean, I wouldn’t speak on whether they had some CIA operative waiting in a bush to shoot his ass … I think it’s criminal for sure.

- Richard Tillman, brother of killed soldier Pat Tillman, about his brother’s death

What’s the morality of passing legislation that is now keeping businesses from hiring new employees and not offering jobs that would even give the healthcare coverage.

- Seth MacFarlane, regarding repealing the Bush tax cuts for the rich
The American people didn’t have the ability to debate the issue … They didn’t debate it for a year. People said we will not talk about it with you. They shoved union members into the front of the town halls. They beat people up.

- Andrew Breitbart, regarding healthcare reform

When we invaded Iraq, we invited the UK to come fight with us. We invited France. We invited Germany. Every one of those armies had openly gay soldiers serving in the military. The only other country that didn’t, besides us, was the Iraqi army.

New Rule: Never let your children take an overnight trip with a holy man who wears more than two pieces of jewelry. Atlanta’s gay-bashing Bishop Eddie Long has been accused of buying cars for teenage boys, then inviting them to New Zealand and molesting them, in what authorities are calling “the worst Oprah surprise of all time.”

Which leads me to: New Rule: If your minister says being gay is bad, or a sin, or an evil temptation, or has any opinion on it stronger than “who gives a shit,” your minister is gay.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: If they’re going to make a historical epic, full of British actors, in period costumes, about Queen Elizabeth helping her father get over his speech impediment, why bother having the Oscars at all? You win. Unless someone in America is making a movie where Meryl Streep teaches Anne Frank how to box, we give up.