Make it on Sunday

My client called, perturbed that I'd stopped working on Shabbat.

"The World is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers."
- William Wordsworth

About three years ago, I made an important decision about deepening my commitment to Jewish practice. The result of that decision led me to an important discovery that I have never forgotten.

I had been attending synagogue regularly every Saturday morning for many years, but I had continued working in the afternoons. I justified it because, as an interior designer, I found it difficult to see my clients who had day jobs during the weekdays. Evenings proved equally difficult, especially because that was time I spent with my children. That left only Saturday afternoons and Sundays for scheduling appointments with my working clients.

Slowly, however, in subtle ways I began noticing my discomfort and ambivalence about beginning Shabbat in prayer and contemplation -- and then suddenly being in the mode of "getting and spending." My deepening connection to Shabbat and the special mood I was able to create would dissipate when I became involved in work and material matters. I experienced it as a "disconnect."

Finally I decided that I would not accept any more work on Shabbat.

I felt good about my decision. One morning, however, I received a call from Karen, one of my best clients, with whom I had worked for many years. Karen had recommended me to her friend, Joanna, and she was calling to tell me how perturbed she was when she found out from Joanna that I wouldn't work on Saturdays. "You always worked on Saturdays for me."

I took a deep breath. "Yes, I know," I acknowledged, "but something has changed in my life. I made a commitment as part of my spiritual and religious practice, not to work on Shabbat, and not to do any work which could contribute toward my earning a living."

"Well, I guess you don't care about your livelihood if you made such a decision," Karen said, with an edge to her voice. "After all, we work all week long, and we have such long hours that we can't even see you in the evenings, which only leaves Saturday and Sunday."

"I can hear the level of your frustration and consternation in your voice at this new information," I affirmed, "but this is a serious decision which I did not arrive at lightly. And I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience to you and Joanna."

There was a long silence. I waited, expecting and fearing that Karen would announce that our working relationship was terminated.

"Well then," she finally said, "we'll make it on Sunday."

God was testing to see if my commitment was real.

I thanked her, and we said goodbye. I hung up the phone, a broad grin spreading across my face. I looked heavenward and addressed my comments out loud to the Creator:

"You were testing me, weren't you... to see if my commitment was real, and to see if I could not be swayed from my resolve to make Shabbat holy?"

I experienced God's smile in return, as a canopy of warmth spread over me.

Since then, I've never reneged on my commitment, even turning down money that I needed. The money I sacrificed would always come back in another form, I soon discovered. But a Shabbat lost is a Shabbat lost forever.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(7)
Jacob,
January 15, 2011 2:44 PM

The real test

I loved the story. It took courage and commitment to tell a client "Not today." But, you are your own boss too. Let's hear from people who work for someone else and were told to work on Shabbat or be fired!

(6)
Kelli,
August 22, 2008 7:34 AM

God knows

God always knows what we'll do before we do it, yet scripture is very clear that he does test us and my own life can attest to this. The test is for us. He know's the truth of what is in our hearts, but until the test, many times we don't. It is written that the heart is deceitful above all things. Had I never been pressed enough to have to rely on Him and seen my own reaction, I would have never realized that I didn't truly trust Him. It is only when he reveals to us what is in our own hearts that we can begin to change. Testing is a gift.

(5)
Moshe,
August 13, 2007 7:41 PM

G-d knows, but Man has to strive to become ever greater

Hey Anonymous 8/12/2007! I'm curious to know if you'll actually return to see this answer. The question is, "Why would G-d test the author, doesn't He already know what the result will be?" The answer to this question is that it is like a potter that strikes a pot to make it stronger (supposedly, potterers strike newly made pots to make them stronger). By exerting the effort to pass a test, one becomes a greater person, and is able to overcome even greater tests. It is also like an athlete who tests himself in order to see the maximum weight he can lift. By attempting to surpass his current level of achievement, the weight lifter becomes stronger. G-d gives people tests in order that they can strive and overcome them and thereby become better people. Humans need tests to be the best that they can be.

(4)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2007 2:50 PM

God doesn't know?

Your article says, ''G-d was testing to see if my commitment was real...'' Was He? He wasn't sure so He perform an experiment and make sure? Just curious.

(3)
M Hockman,
July 13, 2005 12:00 AM

Great!

Keep it up Shabbos is worth all the difficulty you might be experiencing.

(2)
nia,
December 5, 2004 12:00 AM

thank you

Thank you for this wonderful story. I too have made the decision not to work on Shabbat. I have been met with all kinds of opposition. However, like the author I believe that my decision is right and I will keep going. This story has given me renewed hope. Thank you.

(1)
Ellen,
December 5, 2004 12:00 AM

Good for you!

Having defined principles is rare these days let alone standing up for them or using them as a guidepost for action. Good for you! I've learned that whatever I put ahead of my spiritual condition is the second thing I'll lose whether it's a client, relationship or anything else. (The first thing I'll lose is my spirituality.) You'll be stronger and better for your decision. And regarding the clients you'll lose because they will meet you only on Saturday, remember that rejection is God's protection.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!