EuroMUN 2014

EuroMUN 2014: Joint Cabinet Crisis “You are all dead. The US just wiped out the whole Chinese East Coast with nuclear bombs and set you back to the Stone Age.” The Chinese Politburo exchanged skeptical gazes in disbelief, not yet grasping the full extent of devastation that has just happened to their oh-so-glorious nation. Well, there was no actual need in understanding the situation: we were all dead anyway.

Four days earlier, Earth was safe and sound. The delegation of the Technical University of Munich (MUNTUM) arrived in Maastricht to participate in EuroMUN 2014, the biggest UN simulation of continental Europe. All nine delegates were excited and curious about what they were going to experience. Alongside traditional committees like Security Council and Human Rights Council, MUNTUM delegates also simulated specialized bodies like the World Bank, Rio+20 and APEC. Four delegates were part of the most exotic committee, the Joint Cabinet Crisis, were a crisis between the US and China was simulated, two students on each side taking the role of ministers.

Opening Ceremony concluded with a bang, when the Crisis committee was told to proceed directly to sessions and not to join the scheduled champagne reception as everyone else. All crisis delegates were briefed about the situation: a US destroyer and a Chinese submarine have collided, leaving all Chinese sailors and 18 Americans dead in the water. So the starting point was set and both cabinets were ready to go; their only rule was to not “go full retard” in the next couple of days. Did the delegates obey? Of course not.

After no cabinet wanted to take the responsibility, mistrust gained momentum and was intensified dramatically when the PRC shot down a US F-22 and captured its pilot. The CIA developed a very detailed rescue plan, which unfortunately failed due to leakage. To provoke the US even more, the PRC started drilling actions in disputed areas like the Diaoyu/Senkaku and Paracel region.

Meanwhile, the Dalai Lama was assassinated, leading to massive riots in Tibet which later spread to Xinjiang, forcing the Chinese Cabinet to react. After negotiations failed, a crackdown in true Chinese fashion was in order. On the other side of the Pacific, the US was dealing with a severe meltdown of a nuclear power plant in California. Both incidents were secretly supported by the respective other cabinet.

Tensions were in the air and as the US discovered the Chinese attempt to disable their nuclear arsenal as well as and the US plan of bombing the Three-Gorges-Dam was leaked, both cabinets abandoned all efforts to find a peaceful solution. Operation “Go full retard” was on the way. The Chinese cabinet allied with Russia and supported a North Korean intervention in South Korea, which was backed by US forces. World War III commenced as all NATO-countries had to declare war to China. It became obvious that the US could not win the war by invading China; despite having the superior technology the People’s Liberation Army would outnumber the US counterpart by hundreds of thousands. So the US started Operation Kungfu Panda (so racist!), which basically bombed China back to the Qing-Dynasty with nuclear warheads, killing the entire Chinese Cabinet. In retaliation, one of China’s second strike nuclear missiles reached New York City, devastating the metropolis.

Due to the nuclear fallout and the immense radiation throughout the world, it is more than questionable if the US is really the victor of this conflict. Both PRC and the US have discredited themselves to oblivion, leaving one real superpower: the Russian Federation.

Despite the sudden and somehow unrealistic end to the crisis, all delegates have learned to look beyond the crisis; they have learned that small provocations can snowball out of control. The fact that some actions of the cabinets also happened in real life sent shivers down one’s spine.

At the end of the conference, all crisis members were relieved that in reality, politicians are less likely to “go full retard” and more aware of their destructive powers in their hands.

From the 30th of April until the 4th of March, the MUNTUM delegation attended the yearly EuroMUN conference in beautiful Maastricht.

While four of our delegates battled each other as Chinese and American diplomats in the crisis committee, I preferred the more peaceful atmosphere of the World Bank Group, as the delegate of China.

The topics on our agenda were

1. Overcoming the informal sector in developing countries

2. World Bank Group reform

and I was pleased that topic 1 was chosen first, as it left little ground for controversy and our whole committee moved forward together to reach a common goal.

Although EuroMUN was my fourth MUN experience, I have never witnessed such a high level of collaboration and diplomacy in a committee. The friction between the USA and the BRICS nations was rapidly eliminated and their working papers were merged. Almost every nation was able to contribute to the resolution, which ended up passing by a landslide of more than 80%.

EuroMUN was delightful in every aspect. The intensity of debate was occasionally lifted by punishment sessions for any delegates that dared come too late or (God forbid) used the first person in their speeches. Punishments included a red cape of shame and singing.

Eight hours of passionate debate were followed by pub crawls and parties at night, where the committees bonded and enjoyed life to the fullest.

By the last committee session our committee had moved on to the more controversial topic 2, and exhaustion showed in the half-hearted attempts to blame other nations for the criticism of the World Bank. Even though the delegate of Cameroon never failed to praise China for lifting billions of people out of poverty by building hospitals and infrastructure, sadly, China was ultimately destroyed (or “nuked”) by the USA during the crisis. Ironically, this meant that my own condition after 4 days and nights of full throttle perfectly represented my wrecked country.

EuroMUN was a great opportunity to network and meet amazing people from all over the world. The conference was extremely well-organised and modern, keeping all delegates updated on events in all committees via a live feed and featuring all pictures taken by delegates and marked with #euromunselfie in the closing ceremony.

I have attended larger conferences before, but the friendly and engaging quality of EuroMUN have yet to be reached by them. So before I return to lectures, carrying my fellow delegates and destroyed China in my heart, let me conclude by quoting the honourable delegate of Cameroon: “size does not matter, it’s what you make of it”.