Roberto De Mattei, a Roman Catholic professor and vice president of Italy’s Centre for National Research, has an awesome new theory about why the Roman Empire came undone: the gays! Guess who doesn’t much like this theory? The gays!

“The Roman colony of Carthage was a paradise for homosexuals and they infected many others,” De Mattei claims in a new radio interview. “The invasion of the Barbarians was seen as punishment for this moral transgression. It is well known effeminate men and homosexuals have no place in the kingdom of God. Homosexuality was not rife among the Barbarians and this shows God’s justice comes throughout history.”

Well then! So it’s not that Romans acting all gay somehow made them lesser warriors, but god hated the way all these gay couplings were happening under his watch and decided to let the Barbarians stomp them out?

But what else would we expect from the same man who blamed the Japanese earthquake and tsunami as god’s plan? (“Great catastrophes are a terrible but paternal sign of God’s benevolence which call attention to the ultimate scope of our lives. … If the Earth offered no danger, pain or catastrophe it would fascinate us to no end, and we would too easily forget we are citizens of heaven.”)

Fellow historians, gay rights groups and politicians expressed their outrage over the historian’s claims. “I have tabled an urgent call for the education minister to intervene,” Paola Concia, a lawmaker with the Democratic Left, said. Italian homosexual groups said the professor’s comments were “based on superstition” and described them as ridiculous and outrageous”. The groups called on him to resign from his Rome-based post.

“It is highly improbable homosexuality led to the fall of the Roman Empire,” historian Emilio Gabba, a leading light in Roman history, said. However research would seem to suggest homosexuality was rife in ancient Rome, and it is widely portrayed in ancient Roman art and was seen as acceptable 2,000 years ago. “There is no proof Rome had a high number of homosexuals. I can safely say Rome did not fall because it was gay,” Professor Lellia Cracco Ruggini, an expert on Roman history from Turin University, added.

Except I kind of like De Mattei’s little theory about how all the world’s disasters are simply god’s punishment, because can you even imagine what’s in store for the world’s Catholics for their abuse of thousands of little boys? And their contributions to helping HIV spread? I think the earth might just open up and swallow Vatican City whole.

So the old Rome Fell because of Gays bit, eh? It’s been uttered before. And the weird thing is — it’s the exact opposite of the truth. First, though, Carthage did not bring about the fall of Rome, for Carthage was destroyed by Rome just after Hannibal’s elephants couldn’t get past Milan on the way to sack Rome in the 70-75 AD period. (Ah, the double digit years.) Carthage’s people were slaughtered almost to the last child.

Meanwhile, from the year 0 until 315 Christianity was outlawed in the Roman Empire, and Christians treated not much differently than gays here now, and in many parts of the more brutal world; marriages prohibited, not recognized, Christians chased into ghettoes, and then stomped on by Roman legions when they met, and hunted down and fed to lions and tortured, killed, and crucified. The Romans were not very um, “pro” Christian.

For some reason, Constantine felt Christianity was a better deal, so in 315 AD he became one. And ordered all the Romans to do so. And he went after Paganism, and almost wiped it out. He also moved to Constantinople, a city he built for himself, and more or less set up a “Western Emperor” to run Rome.

After a mere 100 years of the outbreak of rampant Christianity, Alaric, Attila, and other “Barbarians” did come and sack Rome, burning it to the ground, raping and pillaging, and taking so much away that by 425 AD Rome was a dumb, half empty and abandoned. And the rest of Italy didn’t fare much better.

And thus began the Dark Ages; which some might think still go on, what with thinking like this genius.

Apr 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm · @Reply ·

greenmanTN

*sigh* When in doubt, repeat moronic and thoroughly debunked claims.

It’s hard enough fighting current misconceptions without having to go back and address idiotic lies people heard from Sister Mary Bulldyke and Father Kiddie-Diddler in Catholic School back in the 1960s.

Apr 10, 2011 at 2:55 pm · @Reply ·

PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

Hey Douchebag, I am gonna go with maybe God saw all the priests fucking little boys back then and decided it was time to act……

Who knows maybe he is just about pissed off ’nuff again to send some wicked hellfire and brimstone to wipe out the vatican which is basically kiddie diddler central……..

Apr 10, 2011 at 2:55 pm · @Reply ·

divkid

well, the spartans did okay on it, as did thebes… and it even had a celebrated role in the setting up of athenien democracy (q.v harmodius and aristogeiton). and besides…
….what have the romans ever do for us?

Apr 10, 2011 at 3:26 pm · @Reply ·

divkid

edit :
…ever done for us

Apr 10, 2011 at 3:28 pm · @Reply ·

Darek

Yep seen it in Spartacus series, RE was so gay that I felt almost like straight guy watching it. hawt!

Apr 10, 2011 at 3:33 pm · @Reply ·

Steve

The gays aren’t the only ones upset about this. Recorded history is pissed off too. Homosexuality wasn’t outlawed until about the 3rd century, when Rome was going basically through a depression, both economic and socially. After they pulled out of this, they were scared, and no doubt politicians used this fear to pursue their own ends. Homosexuality was outlawed soon afterwards. After being a normal institution for about 500 years (1000 years if you include the Republic beforehand), homosexuality was outlawed. The Roman Empire then survived about another 1000 years until the fall of Constantinople, which fell because of invasions and war.

A review of the historical timelines will show that
Rome fell as Christianity grew in influence.

Eventually, Christians outnumbered pagans to the extent that Europe suffered plagues and pestilences, burned libraries and discouraged intellectual enlightenment, and preferred to burn witches, sell indulgences, and wage Crusades instead of bettering their lot in life.

Apr 10, 2011 at 6:14 pm · @Reply ·

McMike

Let’s see…. Homosexuality was in Rome for over a thousand years before Christianity took over and then in less than a hundred years Rome fell.

It’s not that hard to do the math.

Apr 10, 2011 at 7:58 pm · @Reply ·

Blatherer

I like how Tacitus (55-117 CE) described Christianity: a destructive superstition infamous for its abominations.

Apr 10, 2011 at 9:01 pm · @Reply ·

ChiGuy76

Well, if we are going to play a post hac historical game here, maybe the good professor should realize that Rome fell about 100 years after the adoption of Christianity as a the state religion. So, after becoming a Christian theocracy, the Western Roman Empire collapsed to barbarians. Maybe that was the reason behind God’s so-called punishment after all.

Apr 10, 2011 at 11:45 pm · @Reply ·

Corvidae

Also if you think those “barbarians” weren’t effectively bisexual (because in ancient history the words gay and straight really had no meaning) then you are clearly mistaken, mister priest.

Well, I hope he can forgive me for thinking that Edward Gibbon is a more authorative source than this fool.

Apr 11, 2011 at 2:22 am · @Reply ·

Cam

Really? Then why did the holy Roman Empire fall? Why did the Spanish get kicked out of the Americas? Why did the Arabs take over the holy land in the Crusades? Why did the Soviets take over Russia? Why did the Byzintine, Christian empire fall?