Online Infideity?

I've been with my partner for a few years and we have a baby together. I'm concerned as I have found out (in ways I know I shouldn't have but I guessed his passwords right) that he goes on websites like Lookitsme :: Uk's Number 1 Profile/Chat site!!! which is a chatting site, rates women on their looks, sends them messages and so on. He has in the past joined sex websites. I'm not able to confront him about them as I know I wrong finding out but I feel I can't trust him. In 'real life' he is fine with me and isn't showing any signs of havign an affair, it just be on the internet, but I'm worried he may start chatting to someone he wants to meet then cheat on me. Should I be worried or is this normal for men, maybe he's looking for someone else to rub his ego? I'm confused and it's eating me up

dont get me started on virtual stuff. i hate it!!
facebook, bebo, msn, texts emails etc..it ruined my relationship for a long time.
My partner was sending messages and having chats with ex gfs and flings he knew whilst i was pregnant. I found out just like you by snopping and I know it was wrong but I confronted him and he knew what he was doing was wrong so The fact Id logged on to his personal stuff seemed irrelevant.
I think you should say what you've done be really honest otherwise you will just keep wondering about what hes getting up to.
It killed me when i found all his convos with other girls. to me it was worse than a one night stand because I felt I was being made to look a fool!
sorry if you wanted a more positive opinion but I am very sour when it comes to things like this! hope it all gets worked out.

if you hadnt been snooping then how long would this go on for?? how far would it go?? definatly confront him now - looking at the bigger picture you are not the one in the wrong. you obviously had suspicions, followed them and you were right. best of luck
x x

I knew he was, he didnt know I knew, he carried on, I didnt confront him, he ended up meeting up with most of these women for sex (including one who lived in canada! he flew to canada for a shag!)

Tell him you know, tell him you are not happy but give him time to give his side. I trust my current oh completely, but I did once find him listed on a slutty 'dating' website (this was a couple of years ago now!) I flew into a rage (understandable considering my ex!) and was so awful to him. He was flummoxed really, it turned out his younger brother had joined this site and had used oh's picture on it (his real name wasnt used, and I didnt delve far enough to read ages etc, just flew off the handle!) and my oh knew nothing about it! Needless to say oh had 'words' with his brother, I got a very apologetic phonecall from oh's brother and all was fine, we can laugh about it now!

Is it normal for men? Yes and no I'm afraid. Men do like visual stimulation and the internet dos that fantastically well and is very easy to access. Men (well people actually) do like their egos being stroked and some of us enjoy a bit of fantasy/escape too. Does that make it okay? Well it doesn't sound like you think its' okay - so it isn't okay. Perhaps it could be okay if it was something that the two of you were talking about it, agreeing boundaries, sharing it etc.

If, as you suggest, everything else is going generally well then perhaps it's a little worrying that he's developed this habit now though.

What interest me is that it's eating you up, is worrying and distressing you, it feels like a line that he has crossed, it feels like he's keeping something from you perhaps because he thinks of it as innappropriate - yet you're not allowing yourself to talk about it.

What I think you're saying is that since you can't discuss it you've no option but to wonder why it's happening, wonder how far it might go/might have gone - while all the time he's blisfully unaware of your distress.

If you were to tell him that you knew about this what would be the outcome Shelley?

I'm deeply respectful of your tolerance and your strength of character that have seen you this far on this subject Shelley. What I'm wondering though is how long you might be planning to keep yourself in this kind of "disempowered, out of control" position. It feels really uncomfortable of you but you've perhaps excluded the one big opportunity to get to the bottom of it.