I thought I could share my experience with the public school system. My daughter did not want to go to school. Every morning, she cried. Then, the wetting accidents at school began to happen. She cried and begged to not have to go. I talked to the teacher at parent/teacher conference and explained that my daughter was bored. Instead of being helpful, she became defensive and said my daughter was never a problem. Finally after Thanksgiving, my daughter just had a melt down and threw a fit and refused to go. My husband and I took her in to talk to school counselor. I told her what had been going on since the beginning of school, the family tragedies that had taken a toll on my little girl, about the boredom, and how she was displaying symptoms of school avoidance (actual medical term). I was told that she had one of the best teachers in school and that dd had never been a problem. Why does a child have to act up in class before anyone can see a real problem? When they are seen to be acting up in class, they automatically have ADD! They ignored everything I said and forced me to leave her there. I recently found out another part of the problem is that my daughter was being bullied at school. She had tried to tell but was told to stop tattling. I told her the next time something happened to tell it, and if the school did nothing, I would take care of it. The school finally did something about it. Too little, too late. My daughter is not throwing fits or crying now while she finishes her last few days until Christmas break, and then, it is homeschooling for spring semester. She says only thing that keeps her going is knowing she doesn't have to go back to that place. The public school system failed her, and now, she doesn't trust them nor do I.

I don't know what the answer is when the school doesn't listen. My daughter is 6. I took her out before any lasting damage was done. Our public school has a no bullying policy in place, so that helped. I will pray for you and your family. I know how hard it was for me in school. One popular kid didn't like me and started false rumors about me. I was miserable in school and decided to graduate a year early because I wanted out so badly. I am living proof that the emotional torment suffered in high school stays with a person for life. The scars don't show. A suggestion I have is to go before the school board or speak with school board members individually. They are parents just like you, and you might have better luck with them than you would with school bureaucracy. I wish you and your children the very best luck with this.

Being in a nurturing and supportive home environment is so important especially when your daughter has suffered in a public setting. It will help her to deal with other difficulties as she gets older. A lot of times bullying can be in other places too, not just in school. Knowing that you listen and care about her feelings can be a real confidence booster, even in the face of opposition.

I know how all of you feel. I took my daughter out of school almost two years ago when she was 11. She also would go through changes when it was time to go to school. On the weekends and days off she would be fine. When the time came to go to school she became real quiet and wouldn't talk or she'd start crying and when asked what was wrong she would say nothing. I also tried talking to the guidence counselor and the principal and they said that nothing was going on that they knew of. I found out through a few parents talking that there had been two sexual assaults on 11 year old girls within three weeks of each other. Then my daughter was out of school with strep throat, then for two weeks with mono and two more weeks with chicken pox. When she finally did go back to school the counselor told me that I spoiled her and that she was school phobic. Her doctor also said that all her illnesses were in her head. I finally took her to an ear nose and throat specialist who said her tonsils and adnoids had to come out and that they should have been taken out a long time ago. Needless to say they were so infected that again my daughter was out of school for more than three weeks. The first day back she came home in tears saying that the kids were making fun of her calling her sicko baby. The next day I went into the school with her and talked to the counselor again who all but called me crazy and a paranoid parent and said my daughter was just as bad as me. Needless to say I took my daughter by the hand and led her out of the school and went right to the Board of Education and told them that I was going to have her homeschooled until further notice. There was no fight on their end and we've been doing very well ever since. Not to mention her grades have improved a great deal.

I hear what you're saying. There are alot of parents out there that have no clue what's going on in school. Some kids just won't say anything to them because they're scared of what will happen if the other kids find out.
Something has to be done in all school systems so that these children that don't have the option of being home schooled and at least be comfortable and safe attending public schools.

The problem is that many schools no longer reward success, and the penalties for failure (or even committing crimes) are small or nonexistent. This results in an environment where mediocrity rules, and where bullies and cliques basically own the joint. A prime example is what's been done to valedictorians:

Instead of forcing offenders to sit in detention for long, boring hours (which just wastes time and builds comraderie among the wrong people), schools should instead put them to work cleaning halls, mowing the lawn, planting shrubbery, or if they were really bad, cleaning the toilets. Not only would this save a lot of money (you'd now only need one or two people to oversee keeping the entire place in good shape), but it would provide serious motivation to be good in school. I imagine the janitors and groundskeepers would do their best to squelch this idea, however, since some of them might end up getting laid off.

Also, high achievers should get the recognition they deserve, and in general, competition should be put back into the schools. Divide the students into several teams with team captains (captains take turns choosing students), then award a significant prize for the winning team. This will motivate the students in each team to help one another rather than tearing each other down, and boost academic achievement by a huge amount. Team spirit is a strong force.

There have always been bullies and cliques. There always will be bullies and cliques. The difference between now and, say, 50 or 100 years ago, is that (a) teachers aren't allowed to hand out any sort of real punishment and (b) students aren't allowed to defend themselves. If you get attacked in school and fight back, you often get punished as badly as the person who instigated the fight in the first place. This only makes sense if the school protects you when you don't fight.

And sensitivity training is a joke. The people who listen to sensitivity training are not the ones who are doing the bullying. Bullies need a strong outside force to show them the error of their ways. That outside force would normally be their parents, but with divorce and single-parent homes so common these days, the school needs to provide a substitute. Give them tough love, not a shrink. Children will work hard and be well-behaved if you let them know you expect that and nothing less.

There's only a point to sensitivity training if you first eliminate the cases of children knowing they're doing the wrong thing and then doing it anyway. Assault, theft, vandalism, blatant obscenity, etc. Once this is taken care of, then you can worry about putting them in classes for sensitivity training. You don't polish a broken piece of woodwork, you fix it first.

Also, from the homeschooling point of view, the schools don't offer nearly enough community control over what is tought in sensitivity training. You don't necessarily want to be tolerant of something that goes against your religion, to the extent that you accept it rather than are nonviolently against it. Quiet debate never hurt anyone, and it's good for the brain.

wow these stories are hauntingly familiar. I am in the process of trying to decide whether or not to homeschool next year and am leaning very heavily towards homeschooling my 6 year old daughter.

She has been through a lot of change this year and is having a very tough year in school. She "loved" school last year but this year we lost my mom in law who lived with us, then we moved into our new house, in a new neighborhood (although we have the best neighbors and she has lots of new friends in the neighborhood) and because of the boundary lines my daughter is now in a new elementary school but the same district. Then my husband got sick at the beginning of the year where he wound up hospitalized very briefly but for a little girl whose grandma went to the hospital when she was at school and never came home again that was very scary and traumatic for her.
So to begin with she had a lot of change and that is tough on such a young child. She developed a big attachment thing with me and my husband and did not want to go to school. this was in the first few weeks of school. the first two were great and then suddenly she did not want to go anymore. I had to fight her to get her on the bus every day and then the school. I told the school that even though she was having a tough time that they needed to be firm with her and not let her get away with throwing a fit. My daughter is a sweetheart but is very strong willed and if you give her an inch she will take a 1000 miles. lol
Well the school did not listen to me and actually coaxed her and bribed her into class promising her everything and giving her lots of extra attention and everything. But then my daughter being as smart as she is figured out that this was pretty cool so she kept it up and started throwing huge temper tantrums just to work the system. even worse the school did not want to deal with it after creating a big problem so they started sending her home every time she misbehaved. well gee that makes sense she does not want to be there to begin with so they send her home? The really interesting part is that they considered all the times they sent her home to be unexcused abscences and sent me a truancy letter! then they sent me to the truancy board! I demanded the principal make those all excused abscences letting her know I actually did my job and got her to school ...if she could not get her to attend her class or cooperate in class then sent her home that was HER problem not mine. I did not want her record tarnished because I felt the school failed. the prinicipal even gave me attitude about this. what nerve. now my daughter is behind because she has been allowed to miss so much school and class time by the school themselves . i am so frustrated because she is sooo smart.

In any case after working with the school for several months I got fed up and went straight to the superintendent himself and complained. I have not heard from the school since then. they no longer call me to come get her i made them deal with it. I truly want to pull her out now but because of her behavior and acting out because she did not want to go to school I am making her stick it out the rest of the year because she is so strong willed that she will figure out she could get away with whatever she wanted. But I am going to homeschool this summer and see how it goes. If it goes well I may just keep her home next year and homeschool her. We have a great homeschooling community here and there is lots of stuff for her to do so she gets socialization etc. I just hate sending her back to that school. I love the district they are the best in the state right now and her teacher is wonderful I just don't like the principal and her "dean of students" I hate the way the run or (the lack of the way the run) the school. If I decide she to send her back next year I will fight and ask that she be placed back into her old elementary school. Either way she will not be returning to this school unless we get a new principal.

ok there is my newbie story. my reason for posting here was to let those of you know who had questions about schools that the best way I know of to deal with it is to go above the principals head if they wont listen and go to the superintendent.

I am here lurking to see what everyone else's ideas are. I am currently researching homeschooling. the more I disover about it the more I am inclined to do it.

Hello,
I am pretty new to the board and will be hs our kids next school year. Currently they are in public and there is a not bullying thing at both their schools as well. I can tell you that it doesn't work even though the school swears it does.

When my daughter comes home and tells me that the student can tell the teacher to F this, F that, where to go & what to do with it all in class and the teacher does nothing about it. I nearly fell off the bed. I know kids are not disciplined anymore for anything but total disrespect to everyone and everything....not anymore not after this year.
The school system is failing faster than anyone can know. My husband also substitutes at the schools here as well, so he has had his eyes wide open to all of this in the 5 months he has subbed.
I was also hs back in 1988-1990 then it was hard because there really was no other hs groups like today's kids have. We had to go under the protection of a private school umbrella type thing. I can say I was bored and there wasn't allot to do at the time, but looking back on it now it was good for me.
I would have never met my husband of 15 + years now and they way I was going I would have ended up staying with the bad kids and doing who knows what.
I am glad my parents did that for me then, it has made me what I am today. That may not be allot in the working world but it is allot to me and my family.

I just want to say that , cg99ar your daughter is absolutely correct in what she said about teachers not doing anything to the students. I worked as a lunch aide for about 1yr 1/2 in my local school system in NJ.
It is so out of control what these kids can do now days in the public schools , I don't know if the school system is afraid of law suites or they are just hoping it is a temporary problem with the youth today. But I seen so many fights and heard such bad language coming from these children that I was shocked myself. When I was a child I grew up in a really bad neighborhood. People selling drugs and prostiution right in front of kids.
I got out when I meet my husband at 19. found Jesus , moved away to where we are now. Which is a little town where nothing ever happens. I thought My daughter was safe in the schools, boy how wrong I was . We have had drug raids , sexual assulat, you name it , it's happened . But I did not know any of this was happening in my daughter's schools until i worked there . One kid accidently stepped on another's shoe, he said he was sorry. the other kid did'nt feel that was good enough. he knocked this boy down and beat him all over his body and head so bad this poor boy was put in the hospital for almost month with injury's he sustained. I really am not sure what happened to the other kid I know he was suspended, and heard the other's parents were pressing charges . I quit my job after that and now am looking in homeschooling my daughter. My daughter hates going to school. Now I see why. I always wondered why she tried to stay hoome alot. I don't blame any child that does'nt want to go to school now days with what I seen goes on in them.

This is the first year I have homeschooled my 6yr. old daughter. In Kindergarten she loved it. First grade rolled around and as some of you mentioned my daughter started crying, not wanting to go to school. She is a people pleaser and never refused but any mention of school would send her to tears- mentioning a bath the night before to prepare for school in the morning was asking for a meltdown that would continue until we were standing on the front steps to the school. I called the teacher to discuss the situation and heard that she thought my daughter was exceptionally bright and always happy. She was unaware of any problem. I asked her to keep and eye on my daughter and let me know if there were any bullying or other social problems (my daughter was in a mixed first/second grade class). She took it upon herself to advise the entire class that my daughter was unhappy with school- this instigated the rest of the class (including second graders that in my daughter's eyes were more superior to her and walked on water) making fun of her. My daughter was devistated and asked me to come with her to speak to the teacher regarding this. At the meeting my daughter poured her heart out explaining that she was intimidated by the second graders in her class- she is extremely small for her age and I think this may have added to the issue. The teacher replied to me that my daughter wanted attention and that we must be having issues at home because she saw no reason for my daughter to be upset at school. She was cross and not sympathetic in the slightest- immediately pinning the blame on our family.
After speaking with the principal (he refused to change her to a first grade only class- stating she was too advanced and would become bored) he was concerned about me homeschooling her because of "budget reasons" if my daughter was disenrolled then they would lose funding and he didn't want to do that. He tried to convince me to homeschool her but not disenroll her for 60 days as a favor to the school district so they could get the money for atleast that long. I was furious and pulled her that day. I have had no regrets in the decision I made. My daughter is happy, excelling and much more relaxed. I am still trying to grasp the fact that a school can be so uncompassionate with the very children that it is made of. In our case the school was more concerned with a diminishing budget than they were with my daughters best interest. Our school systems need some adjusting if this is what it is coming to.

Thank you for all your stories. I find peace in knowing that I am not the only parent that feels the public schools have failed our children, and that other parents have taken the education into their own hands. Who better to know their children and know how to raise and educate them than the parents.

Well I made the choice , which was'nt a choice at all but the best one for my daughter. Yesterday I pulled my daughter out of our public school system. She is so happy to be done with it. We will be starting homeschooling on Tuesday. she has been really struggling this past few weeks with the school. one of her teachers gave her a hard time for being absent, and toward her (his exact words were) " I don't have time to teach you what you missed. read the book". My daughter said " I was absent and don't understand it". He says " well you shouldn't be absent all the time, you should keep your butt in school". I was angry to say the least when she told me this. that put the icing on the cake. I notfied the school yesterday she was done. She would be homeschooled as of January 31st. I have to get the cirriculum, then we are good to go.
our beliefs were a big factor in all this.but all the stuff that I saw that goes on in these school systems and my daughter being treated this way just finished it for me and my husband.

Good for you, I hope that you enjoy it. If I could suggest one thing it would be to relax. I pushed really hard at first, worrying that I wouldn't teach her enough if she wasn't doing school work for as long as the public schools did. Then I realized that with the one on one it doesn't take half that long to get the same amount of work accomplished. Now if she is playing while the other children are still in school I am okay, actually proud that we accomplished our day in a timely manner. I wish you much luck and would like to hear how your first couple weeks go. If you find any hints or helps on curriculum or home schooling in general I would appreciate any opinions or suggestions I can get. I am always grateful for advise. Good Luck.

First Year Home Schooler and Mom to Three Wonderful Girls ages 6, 2, and 7mos.

I took my children out of school all 5 of them. My husband is military andw e move around alot, I got the attitude I was a bad mom. Plus I have special needs kids, who they just stuck in a self contained classroom and said deal with it. he was learning and was falling behind the school system didnt care. then i have a gifted child who is 7 yrs old and was bored he was reading and doing work on a 6th grade level in 2nd grade, i talked with the schools they tested him and said he was gifted but there was no programs he just have to suck it up, he started throwing fits and not wanting to go to school so i pulled him out and moved him up to 4th grade and am working at a higher level for him. My children love home schooling they dont want to go back. I have 2 high schoolers they say they dont miss the drama, they have friends and sociallize. Public schools are set on there needs not the needs of our children, and the teachers are so burned out they lost sight of the real reason they got into teaching. I thank god everyday I homeschool, my children are so happy.