Birth Meets Death

Parker and Grandpa share a special day!

My husband David Oliver, died of nasopharyngeal cancer, following 42 months of living with dying. He died March 14, 2015.

A Difficult Year

2016-2017 was a very unique year in my family. It had been a difficult 9 months for many reasons. For me personally I had come to realize that David was not coming home. My head certainly knew that before, however this was the year that my heart came to realize this reality. My middle daughters marriage, as joyous as it was, created a big empty spot in all family photos. This was also my first time to return to the Mediterranean. A very special place for my husband and I, the place we spent our honeymoon, and a place we had returned many times. My heart was unexpectedly made aware that it had a huge hole in it!

Second Year of Grief

Like so many others, I came to realize the second year was harder than the first. While I had been through all the “special days” and thus you would think it would have been easier, for some reason the second was more real. Our family as a whole had a hard year adjusting, perhaps its because the shock and numbness wears off, I’m not sure we really know why.

March 14, 2017

This day, two years post loss, I was reminded of the miracle of life. That morning I received a call from my oldest daughter than her water broke at 7:30am. While we were of course expecting her delivery this month, we certainly did not expect it on this day, nor this time. David had died at 7:30am two years before, and now this precious new life announces her arrival on this day, at 7:30am! I had been mourning the fact this was the first grandchild that David would not have met, he would never hold her, she would never meet him. And then she decides to enter this world on this very day.

Life and Birth Connected.

Today another two years has passed. Parker is two, David has been gone four years. His death is mediated by the look and energy in her eyes. When she sits on my lap and is still for a few minutes, I can look deep into those eyes and see her Grandfather. I hear him laugh at her silliness and boast with pride at her language. I believe he does know her and I’m certain she will know him through us.

A New Joy

And now my family finds new joys in 2019 with yet another grandchild on the way. This babe will join us this fall. There are two important dates in September which I will not be surprised if we see our new babe on those days. The circle of life continues- and I am thankful for this ever growing family, all legacies of David Oliver!

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Published by Debra Parker Oliver

I am the Paul Revare Family Professor of Family Medicine in the School of Medicine, at the University of Missouri. I have a Masters of Social Work and PhD in Rural Sociology from the University of Missouri. I was a hospice social worker and administrator in three hospice programs for a total of more than 20 years. After getting my doctorate I continued my commitment to the improvement of hospice care through research with more than 170 peer -reviewed articles related to palliative and hospice care.
In an effort to teach and advocate for those facing cancer and terminal illness my husband David and I created a blog to share our journey with others. We received the Project Death in America Community Education Award from American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine care two weeks before David passed away. I am now committed to continuing sharing my journey through grief and bereavement.
View all posts by Debra Parker Oliver