How Porn Really Affects Your Relationships

As you know, I am a marriage and sextherapist. I am open-minded, relatively liberal when it comes to sexual matters and I live very much in the gray. But, I work with people daily who are having relationship challenges.

Now, there are exceptions; I have worked with couples where porn has enhanced their already dynamic and connected sexual relationship. It is just one more way the couple plays with each other. However, far more of the time, there is secrecy, shame, disconnect, regret, and guilt — definitely not a potpourri of pleasant feelings!

Worse yet, I have seen wives traumatized by the partner’s use of porn, possibly due to her own beliefs or early childhood issues. I have seen compulsive porn users have porn interfere with their health, their work, and, most definitely, their marriage.

So, for most of us mere mortals, it is better to become aware of what drives this behavior and find healthier solutions.

Porn often leads to secrecy where the man acts and feels like a guilty little boy when caught. This mother/son pattern is destructive to healthy attraction and sexuality. If a couple wants to use porn in their relationship, I say by all means enjoy it. However, get educated, be aware, and for sure, be transparent with each other.

What I have seen far more often is that when a partner ceases to use porn, his (usually it is a "his" and not a "hers") willingness to be a sexual initiator and sexual responder with his partner significantly increases.

When one closes all solo sexual exits, it can help push the person to have that duet sex which may require more work, more attention, and more flexibility but can be far more rewarding.

One more thing I would like to let you know about: You are worthy of love, happiness, and a beautiful life.

Todd Creager is a marriage and sex therapist who helps couples rekindle passion. He also helps couples heal from infidelity. Sign up for his email list and immediately receive "The 7 Keys to a Phenomenal Relationship".