Khloe opens this section by talking about how mean she sometimes is to her mom, momager of the century, Kris Jenner. Which…. duh.

happy mother’s day, kris! image source: jerkmagazine.net

But she is working on this anger, because that is what people with STRONG AND NAKED hearts do. The lesson of this section seems to be to be KIND. Also,

you is kind, you is smart, you is important. image source: sugarscape.com

So, don’t be a dick to Kris Jenner and your heart will soar. Khloe talks again about her father, Robert Kardashian, and how he made them all say kind things about their friends when they talked about their day. This guy, minus the whole OJ dealie, seems pretty legit. I am really curious as to what would have happened with the Kardashian Klan had he not passed away in 2003. Then again, that might have brought about more Pastor Brad, which, HARD PASS.

Next up, KOMPASSION. Khloe reminds us to not judge, and other luminaries, such as Jesus and Mother Teresa, were judged for being vapid reality stars just like her. So, judging = bad. But accepting judgment without reacting negatively= good.

Kardashian Soup for the Soul. image source: craziestgadgets.com

Finally, we touch on the Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner transitioning topic. Once again, Khloe reveals absolutely nothing new. I am pretty sure I could’ve written this entire book in one day by just looking at her instagram account and reading old issues of OK! Magazine.

Khloe next talks about learning to react with patience. She comments about how her sister Kylie really takes her time to respond in interviews. She says it is because Kylie is thoughtful. I say it is because Kylie is dumb as a box of hair.

oh, sweetie. good for you? image source: lipstickalley.com

OH MY GOD IS THIS BOOK ALMOST DONE, KHLOE IS TALKING ABOUT NOT BEING RUDE TO WAITERS AND HOW MANNERISMS AFFECT HOW PEOPLE VIEW YOU AND OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EFFING BORING AND WHY AM I LISTENING TO A KARDASHIAN EXPLAIN NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION TO ME?

Deep breath. Only like 20 pages left.

We are so close, y’all! Down the road, Khloe (I just realized in all of this, I never put the stupid accent on the e of “Khloe” and I WILL NOT START NOW) sees herself getting married and having a baby. It’s a super unique future, you just wouldn’t understand.

Now we are done with words! Onto the million photos of Khlo Money, including some really weird ones where she is in FULL hair and make-up in a sports bra and booty shorts on a spinning bike. It truly looks like the beginning of a porn that had good hair and make-up people for the, ahem, “talent.”

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: KHLOE

Khloe wants to thank her family and fucking Pastor Brad and God of course for all the “help” this mess required.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: KATE

I want to thank all of YOU for coming on this journey with me. Without many, many Kris Jenners, my hatred for Pastor Brad and my thirst for terrible and obvious advice, I would’ve never been able to finish this book.

love you, mean it. image source: tumblr.com

I have SO MUCH more garbage coming your way! Stay tuned for the book I may be the most excited to read yet by a little lady named Ramona Singer….