Y’all set your TiVos, because Thursday Oprah nabs an exclusive with pregnant man Thomas Beatie (née Tracy Lagondino) on her show. Thomas was [takes deep breath] born a woman, became a gay-rights activist, received gender reassignment surgery but kept his uterus (that’s right, his uterus), married a woman, Nancy, and decided to carry their child because his wife had an earlier hysterectomy and couldn’t conceive. Ever since this story broke last month in The Advocate, there’s been a lot of talk about it being a hoax. But if it’s on Oprah, it must be true. Here are a few predictions of what Oprah’s reactions will be to this mondo gender-bender:

“Girrrrrrlllll!“

“O-kay. I have to ask this because I know our Oprah Show viewers are wonderin’ the same thing–you DO have a vajayjay, right?”

“I just want people at home who might be thinking you’re a freak to know that you’re not. You are a man. I see that. A very fiiiiiiiiine man. Isn’t he cute, audience? If I wasn’t with Steadman and Gayle, you would be my perfect partner. A man and woman in one body, like a Fruit Rollup.”

“What I really want to know is…do you ever still dress like a woman? Have you ever tried on a pair of Louboutins? They’re geeeeee-nius. If you don’t feel like a woman now all knocked up and whathaveyou, you will after putting on those stilettos, girrrrrl. I mean, uh…”