As Moe so cannily pointed out last year, in the media narrative of celebrity pregnancy, baby weight has become just plain old fat. But what about those fertile women who do quickly and easily avoid those child rearing pounds? They're plain old liars! The new rumor is that Nicole Kidman did not actually give birth to Sunday Rose, but rather her sister Antonia was the surrogate mother and Kidman wore a fake tummy for the press.

A week or two ago I glanced up from my laptop long enough to catch my first glimpse of a commercial …
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According to E! online, "Kidman's local posse loudly dished to us their doubts about the mommy status of the star, insisting to us that Antonia Kidman was Sunday's surrogate all along." Yes, Nicole Kidman didn't show until quite late into her pregnancy, but honestly, this claim is about as bonkers as the one implying that Bristol Palin was the real mother of Trig and that Sarah faked the pregnancy so that Bristol would avoid the shame of unwed motherhood. (Interestingly, Katie Holmes - now married to Nicole's ex, Tom Cruise - was also accused of faking her pregnancy.)

Apparently there is only one acceptable media pregnancy narrative, and that requires a taut and tasteful belly, with arms and legs remaining fit, followed by a month maximum of "post baby body" before a proper public unveiling of a perfectly slim figure and a smiling infant wearing a $200 onesie. Get thin too quickly or outside the approved narrative? You paid a robot to gestate your spawn in a secret underground lair. Or, like Britney, you're a drug downing bullimorexic. For an industry that so aggressively fetishizes pregnancy, you'd think they'd allow women to do it more naturally.