Dragon Age Inquisition Really Earns Its Mature Rating From ESRB

The ESRB has published their description of Dragon Age: Inquisition. You may want to pour yourself some red wine and light a candle before reading it.

In the months before Dragon Age: Origins's release, BioWare said that the A Song of Ice and Fire books were an inspiration for the game. In other words, it's medieval fantasy with some realism, or at least HBO realism. The characters bump uglies, swear like sailors, and die in fountains of blood.

A good chunk of the ESRB's description focuses on the sexy times in Inquisition. Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age 2 let players knock boots with a pirate captain, a witch, an elven assassin and other fit young adventurers. Inquisition will continue that proud tradition.

"The game includes some sexual material: a female character briefly depicted in front of a man's torso (fellatio is implied); characters depicted topless or with exposed buttocks while lying in bed or after sex."

The best parts of the ESRB report are the lines of dialogue they reveal from these escapades. Here's the kind of pillow talk you can expect from the game:

“'I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect'”

“The way your t*ts bounce when I pin your arms and take you on the side of the bed…”

The robot-speak of that first quote leads me to believe it's Iron Bull, the Qunari companion. He'll supposedly be a romance option for both male and female player characters in the game.

The whole game's not just a hugging and kissing simulator, though. The rest of the ESRB listing confirms that this will be a bloody mess of a game:

"Characters use swords, axes, hammers, and magic attacks to kill fantastical creatures (e.g., demons, monsters, dwarfs) and humans in melee-style combat. Cutscenes sometimes depict characters impaled or getting their throats slit. Violent sequences are often highlighted by cries of pain, gurgling/gushing sounds, and large blood-splatter effects; blood remains on the ground in several environments."

As you might have guessed, the ESRB gave Inquisition a Mature rating. This means you'll need to be 17 or older in North America to buy it - or at least able to find a game store where the employees don't give a crap.

The ratings board also mentions unrated content due to "online interactions." That's a passing reference to the co-op mode. Four players team up to explore dungeons. Their multiplayer-only characters will gain experience and items through their exploits. Anyway, there's bound to be some swearing during those adventures so some virgin ears are going to be desecrated.

Dragon Age: Inquisition will debut in North America on PS3, Xbox 360, PS4, Xbox One and PC on November 18th.