A more important question: Do you both love each other? Do both find the thought of going through life without the other utterly absolutely unbearable? Will you both do whatever it takes to make the other happy and to make your life together work? If the answer is yes to all of the above then of course it will work.

Don't know if you belong to a church, but some offer pre-marriage classes in which a couple discusses, both privately and with a counselor, their finances, their values related to financial decisions, and how they will manage money in marraige. That can be a great opportunity to discuss differences and concerns in a non-confrontational atmosphere.

My boyfriend and I have some different ideas about spending, but we both LBYM and prioritize saving overall. I've educated him about 401(k)s, health savings accounts, the existence of the Roth IRA, and many other things. The difference in us isn't in our financial or long-term ideas but in our personalities. I'm more cautious, he's more impulsive. That reflects in how we spend our money. I think that, somewhat, we end up meeting somewhere in the middle. He would go out for breakfast, coffee, lunch, and dinner every day of the week, but I've convinced him that cooking isn't *so* bad, coffee at home is more convenient, and compromised to going out or doing takeout food once or twice a week for dinner. It took him a while to come around on some of these things, but he does now see the value in eating breakfast and drinking coffee in his pyjamas.

It's quite possible that your girlfriend falls into one of the following statements:(1) She doesn't know that she's living above her means.(2) She has an impulsive personality and needs to be coached to think more about the future.(3) Her friends are not frugal and yours are. That makes a huge difference in your habits.(4) She is more outgoing than you. It *can* be harder for more outgoing people to spend less since they like to socialize outside of the house and that seems to require spending money to many people.(5) For all you know, she saved up for that Cartier handbag for months and/or years and she'll keep that Mercedes car for many years to come.

How long have you two been dating? Have you talked to her about these things at all? Does she have a budget? Does she save for retirement?

I can't even begin to tell you how many men and women in their 30s I know (and am friends with) who absolutely can't live within their means. They are so resistant that even when I suggest that they track most of their expenses for a few weeks just to get a clue of where their money is going for the most part, they give me a firm, unavowed "no, that's IMPOSSIBLE!" answer. Crazy.

Mrs.Feeley wrote:Don't know if you belong to a church, but some offer pre-marriage classes in which a couple discusses, both privately and with a counselor, their finances, their values related to financial decisions, and how they will manage money in marraige. That can be a great opportunity to discuss differences and concerns in a non-confrontational atmosphere.

Either one will change the other's behavior, maybe a bit of both,or you will give up and move on.

Of course one might argue that dating is a non Boglehead thing to do...I mean you are going to eat out at those frivolous restaurant prices ?Go to frivolous movies ? And if both are bogleheads at a tender youngage, what is dating ? Sit home and watch netflix with no cable tv ?Sounds like starting off as an old married couple from day 1.

The Boglehead or not a boglehead is not the problem. I am married to a once-upon-a-time non boglehead. We had some lively debates when I turned a few years before him to a boglehead. He has now converted about 90%. He still loves is Lomis Sayles active managed bond fund fee .64 Bps. But we eschew individual stocks, little trading, diversified portfolio, etc etc. Everything else we agree.

Regarding the frugality vs non frugality. For 38 years we were both frugal big time. So IMHO, forget expecting somebody else to change. A spend thrift and a frugal divergent couple will have serious issues when the bills come due with stress and no future, living from paycheck to paycheck is no future.

Public School K-12 Educators: "Ask NOT what your annuity sales person can do for you, ask what you can do to be a Do-It-Yourselfer (DIY)."

Absolutely. Now, my wife is not a big spender; we both spend within our means.

But she will not, no matter how much I work it, take input from me on her investments. She's a stay at home mom now, but still has a 401k and stock account from pre-marriage, and we contribute to a Roth IRA for her.

The funny thing is, this solidifies the idea of a "Random Walk Down Wall Street." Her portfolio is almost all stocks, and she really does zero research ("I heard about it on the Today show" or something like that). Her investments beat mine (3 fund portfolio with some small cap tilt) something like 50% of the time. But she never checks them, so she never knows if they are getting destroyed. I've had to gently remind her to get rid of stocks that are pieces of crap.

But the big thing is that we didn't get married until our 30s, and we had established patterns of spending within our means and saving money for the long term.

My wife does not think about finances at all, but she is naturally more frugal than the average person. I don't really care if she knows much about investments or whatever as long as we're both on the same page regarding spending and priorities.

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