Friday, 21 September 2012

September 21 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "let go and letting in the good of the universe…" May be somewhat grandiose to say let in the good of the universe? I don't feel so because my understanding one day at a time simply improves when I let go being the answer, and let go self will, and ask for help to find answers and not be worried that I could not find answers all by myself. This helps me feel okay to ask for help in the moment when I need it and not put off finding out today…

Video For Today:

Let Go Let In Good

Let go and let God! The higher power for me, and this is just a personal opinion, is the collective wisdom of humanity working in the moment of now and not just my wisdom which is limited and not universal. So when I say let go and let good things happen, and ask the help from anyone anywhere, and the inner voice which helps guide me to humility to ask for help, I see a bigger picture of living, family, community and society making progress one day at a time. Let go and ask the help when I have done all I can with my inner resource and then the actions still remains with me to ask for help at any time, any place and indeed anywhere…

All living is difficult these days. Living in the modern world provides challenges in all directions, how to make a living, how to be part of something. Work, rest and play and somewhere there is balance on any given day where we have to place our energies. The important understanding we need to develop on a daily basis is what we can and cannot do and feel right doing rather than grudgingly being stuck in a rut. We need to take account of our needs: hungry, angry, lonely and tired, HALT. When we are looking after ourselves, our needs met with enough food, enough serenity, enough connection to others and we get enough rest, then the balance is more likely to be found in our emotional and spiritual life. Emotional and spiritual: where our feelings fit with what is going on in the moment and just for today…

Why do we humans need to understand the denial process? Human beings usually function well when there is enough, where our needs are met and our wants are forgotten. In the understanding of emotional and spiritual well-being, denial occurs when we cannot cope with our current situation. We might say to ourselves, "I can't believe it!" And when we cannot cope we deny the truth and the reality of now. In order to understand the magnitude of some events in our lives, denial helps us to break down unmanageable chunks of feelings we cannot cope with. And this is where when we are grieving something or are overjoyed by something or simply overwhelmed it takes time for us to understand the changes in our lives… And the question always remains to an extent, "why is it happening to me?" And the answer is simply, "why not me, because I am as human as the next person…" We need let go, ask for help to deal with the unmanageable in the moment of now…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly with 12 steps and 12 traditions a fellowship has grown up. As the fellowship grows, experience strength and hope develops more wisdom and more similarities. Staying sober and helping others starts at day one in our fellowship. From unwilling, closed down and deluded, to open willing and honest a day at a time. Feelings fitting the moment of now, freedom to choose sober today...

Living reality can be a bit of a shock to the system. Old habits are difficult to shift when we see the pay off, from pleasure to oblivion. New routines and habits, a ritual of self-preservation, living to the good of life, deeper, broader and wider experiences of life are possible. Our emotional and spiritual state: contingent on being able to ask for help and develop our freedom in recovery. Always real, spiritual is living in the moment of now for me...

Due care and attention is needed to expectations, promises and fantasies which can take us out of the moment of now. Expectations, promises and fantasy offer hope for the future, and these simply can be beyond reality. A phrase often used is “beyond our wildest dreams.” Don’t get me wrong, any outlook in moderation can help us make plans based on realisable choices we have today. At the same time, when the choices in life change, we need be aware of how we may change to suit what is possible and what is not possible.

One day at a time, I promise you, life can be lived and we can accomplish much of what is needed. And sometimes we get a few of our desires covered too, because we put in the footwork. When we wait for change, nothing much changes, except we become a day older. And sometimes we do have to wait on other elements in our lives, people, places and things.

We are complicated beings. We think a lot or not enough, and we are full of feelings all the time, when they are based on the here and now, we usually find the truth of what is going on. When we don’t know why we feel up or down, it is worth time to reflect, meditate on what is working and what is not working.

Limbo, where we have uncertainties is often a state of mind which troubles us; we do not know the answer immediately. Old behaviour is to sit and chew on why, without help, new behaviour is to share the feelings of limbo with another and see if another’s wisdom may be helpful.

One of the best promises in recovery is I can share what is happening to me, there may be no immediate answer and the feelings of desolation can roll on a while, I can feel alone and beleaguered, and it is okay to feel this way. We learn isolation may not work, and we learn solitude may work as we sit still and recharge our energies to find the solutions to our problems today.

A promise learned by me, the more I understand the possible, the truth of now, the more connected to others, that is loved and loving people back, I am open to the wisdom of people and life as it manifests. Needs met on a daily basis, wants fade away. Progress is not perfect or it is simply because we find our pace of progress; it can be joyful or sad as life offers. The only guarantee, life keeps on happening until we expire, hopefully not today!

I promise you... a promise can be resentment under construction, same as an expectation. Sober, if you ask me to help you, I will try if I have the ability to do so. If I do not know how to help, I say no. Yes to what we can do, no to what we cannot do and we develop the wisdom to know the difference daily. Progress not perfect in sobriety today...

Routines are good for our wellbeing, spiritual, emotional and physical. Our key is progress not perfection, once we have reached "dry land." The more we function in the moment, not chewing on history or fantasising about the future, we can improve our connection to reality, feel life and be fit for purpose, gradually and carefully today...

-/-

AA Daily Reflections ~ "The last promise... we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. [Big book]

The last promise in the Big Book came true for me on the very first day of sobriety. God kept me sober that day, and on every other day I allowed Him to operate in my life. He gives me the strength, courage and guidance to meet my responsibilities in life so that I am then able to reach out and help others stay sober and grow. He manifests within me, making me a channel of His word, thought and deed. He works with my inner self, while I produce in the outer world, for He will not do for me what I can do for myself. I must be willing to do His work, so that He can function through me successfully."

-/-

September 21 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day in the Life’ Faith seems to be a Key

Faith Matters

I went to a fellowship meeting last night down at Worlds End Chelsea, the address is on another website. And it was excellent!

All about faith, the way it was interpreted by the chairperson meant it was more to do with human nature than any link to religion.

And faith really is a human quality, not conditional on religious belief. I had to smile as the speaker made no comment on God, or religion in their chair. They were just talking generally about faith.

And this suits me, as faith for me is something we get as we learn, as we change and move along in our living. And sometimes I am sure for many that faith encompasses their religious connection to the God of their choosing.

I will always be a learner when it comes to faith.

As you may recollect I have shared about the twelve steps of AA, the fellowship steps to change our way of living, and get out of addiction. And faith for me comes in the middle of understanding the twelve steps.

Steps of Change

The aim of the fellowship is for people to find themselves all over again as addiction generally robs us of our true identity and then finding our identity in the context of sobriety, is often a slow process. It took me years, and there seem to be no quick fixes, we just learn as we go. Some things happen quickly in the steps. We learn to stop drinking alcohol, which is the primary purpose of the fellowship. Then there is more.

Faith

Seems that faith was always around me, I just did not trust some of the time, regarding my judgment. As it was almost always right for me, the problem with drink was a long time unravelling. I could not believe I was an addict!

So apart from alcohol, I was pretty adept at life. Faith though fits in with some parts of the 12 steps. The sixth and seventh steps for me.

In step six I learned about some traits which were defective when overused, that being: Fear of Life, then putting on a brave face, Bravery to cover up my fear, then Ego, utilising my ego when I had little confidence to speak of..

In the seventh step, I realised that my underutilised Courage, that is courage to see truth, Faith, a belief that I am often in the right place emotionally and Confidence often was undermined by my over use of fear, brave facing and ego. Or sometimes when I challenged authority and others, their outrage made me recoil and in the end it made me sick and then drank more alcohol to deal with pain inside.

It is a bit of a switch around to realise that faith, courage and confidence comes and goes from time to time depending on our outlook and experience.

So in the middle steps of the programme of change in AA, that is our personal recovery journey, when can over use fear, bravery and ego and under use courage faith and confidence as we live.

How odd really to have to spell it out for myself, let alone share my experiences with others.. Just the way it may be today.

A comment made by someone I know, who really does not know me. Suggesting I might be isolating. A real question? Not really as I do have a very full day as a rule. It may be not seeing me makes it seem that way. Or it may seem I am not so communicative these days. The answers are here I guess and the comment often reflects another’s concern for their own outlook as much as mine. It matters not as conjecture is not really useful much of the time for me. I can imagine why these days without defensive feelings. Glad it is so, just for today.

September 21st 2006

Hit the Road Jack

Or in this case, yes it’s me, DonInChelsea, I got my bike back, smiles here. Well it was a bit of a do. Having got fired up in my head, I started to backslide quickly. Typical me, a good idea and then I realise I might be pushing myself a bit too far. But heck after a wash and brush up, I got myself down to the bike shop and got a bike pump. And some tools with some 50th birthday money my brother gave me yesterday. Smiles, putting the cash to good use was very appropriate. And my old "dogs are barking today" (my feet hurt like heck!)" it’s a neuropathy thing and if I could get my weight off them with the bike then OK, I can get about easier than bus or tube even for where I go.

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike, I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like. Mainly to get it back to my place, And so on to my dear old Mum’s house, where it‘s stashed. She is pleased to see me, and it’s a great to see her. I get the bike out of the old coal hole, a bit rustier and cobwebby, but intact with flat tyres. A bit like me.

So I give it a dust and quick wash, and pump up the tyres. And find my locks and bags and then load it up. Blimey its heavy, I realise as I try to get it up the basement steps, so unload it and then take two trips up. I realise I am weaker than when I got it put away nearly three years back. And I realise I am not a day too soon getting back to exercise. it’s a bit humiliating to be weaker than before. So anyways, I set off…

I love it straight away, and I’m happy. And off I go straight into the main one way system back up to Earl’s Court and where I live. It’s great, as traffic backs up, I slip along in between, as I have always done. I ride legal, which is good, I know how I might have been before, but not now. My legs cope and my breath is easy and I’m pedalling like a good un on a mission. I’m home in no time, it’s great, all the back ways and quick routes for cyclists are there, and it’s a piece of cake. And I’m home, and my legs are a bit wobbly. It takes a couple of trips to stow the bike and bags safe in my abode. Blimey, what a brilliant ride.

Sweating a bit I check my blood sugar, I’m a little and shaky which I expected. Oops, blood sugars 4.1, no wonder I’m a bit weird in the head! So I went from sugar levels of 10 to 4.1 in short order. And so luckily I have some lucozade, and then some porridge. And I shut my eyes and wake up a couple of hours later. And check the blood sugar again, and its 6.7 which is near perfect.

I did it! I ache from head to foot, and feel a bit like I’m still trying to ride the bike as I walk across the room, very odd but at least I have the machine. Now what have I learned? That I can, that I need be very, very careful on blood sugars which dropped like a stone! And also my sight is not so good as it was. But what the heck, I’m in one piece and I can, so I can get used to it. I hope…

Now it’s time to get to a meeting, on the bus as my back is wrecked. Smiles what we do to keep going, huh?

An excellent trip to Fulham

Apart from standing all the way. Anyway we have a great speaker, I don’t know they will be, but I connect with their life story and what they share of their experience, strength and hope. And I’m inspired to share my feelings. Not about the bike yet.

What I am learning

That my old fears of life are less than they were. That a drink won’t help me deal with living any better, now more than a couple of years into recovery life is better looking outwards than looking inwards and controlling nothing at all. That this world turns with me in it or not. That I learn more every day about the good of living and the blinking awful of living, and the balance is in there somewhere. That I am powerless over people, places and things. If I go with the flow, and keep myself right sized it all goes along better than if I try control or manipulate a thing.

That We Humans are forgetful of Dangers

I suppose the best is I shared, we are the forgetful people. We forget dangerous things every day and we need be reminded every day what is good for us.

Why does a Buddhist spend decades meditating? Why does an athlete practice every day? Why does a philosopher study mankind every day, why does a Bus driver drive their bus more easily every day. Because they all forget as quickly as they learn, and practice makes them remember how to do what they do. There comes a time when they get as good as they can get, on just a particular day.

And it’s the same for me in recovery, I get as good at recovery just a day at a time, as my head remembers and my body tells me and my spirit moves me.

And forgetting anything is merely a moment away.

There are no real gifts beyond the ordinary, merely some who practice their arts to best effect, to their capacity in their field of endeavour. Good exemplars yes, Guru’s? Well if it helps you to think they are, all well and good.

We are all equal to learning and forgetting on a daily basis, we use it or lose it, smiles, a day at a time. And I have just exemplars, not guru’s for me who do their best to remember what works just for today, the only one we have!

We are the equal of the life we have, as the cards are dealt us and as we play them with support and confidence, and for me with fellowship, I make my way to that bridge back to life.

Anyone know a good masseuse? Blimey, my poor old ‘bod’ is complaining like mad..!

Step 9 "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us…sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." AA Promises

I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.