Relationship as Evolutionary Growth Tool

Our world is evolving. And fast; in fact it’s changing so fast that our minds struggle to make sense of what we experience. Rapid shifts in culture, technology, politics and ecology are impacting our capacity to make meaning of our reality. So how do we grow to adapt to this fast-paced shift? What tools do we need to develop in order to thrive and contribute to this evolutionary shift that is happening around us?

Our capacity to make meaning is determined by the extent to which we can maintain sovereignty over our inner states

Sovereignty means the ability to stay present with ourselves, to accurately interpret what’s going on and to take action from a place of considered choice. In short, how much can we keep our shit together when life is kicking off around us? As opposed to how much do we allow our unconscious programming to govern our reactions instead of mindfully considering how to respond?

We lose our sovereignty when we allow ourselves to be overrun by our old childhood programmes that have us operate out of fear and contraction. They take us out of connection with ourselves, with others and with Life. So how do we develop sovereignty?

First, let’s consider that

External reality is a mirror of our internal landscape

And in that outer reality, what we give most significance to is what we most allow to impact us. It’s easy to see that the person we are likely to give most significance to is our ‘significant other’, our partner. So our partner is the clearest mirror we have of our inner states.

Because our partner is closest to us, because they know our deepest desires and greatest vulnerabilities, they are the person most likely to trigger our childhood wounds and fears. With them we have the most to lose.

So, in partnership, the question is how much can we stay in connection with them? We have a choice – to stay in our childhood patterns and reactions which take us out of connection, or to move beyond them. By gradually teaching ourselves to develop our emotional resilience (that is, sitting with uncomfortable feelings and not reacting to them) we increase our sovereignty.

As we develop more sovereignty we also become more potent

The greater the emotional charge we can hold without losing our inner harmony, the more capacity we have for Love. The greater our capacity for Love, the more we are able to stay in contact, in connection with the other. The more in connection we are, the more we are open to Life and can be more at ease with what is and benefit from the fullness of Life that can flow through us.

So, in testing our edges in relationship and developing our sovereignty we enhance our capacity to stay in connection, to be present and make intelligible meaning from our situation. As the pace of technological and evolutionary change picks up, this skill is going to become increasingly important. If we want to be a part of the next phase of humanity and contribute to humanity’s evolution, it is essential that we develop our sovereignty as much as possible. Where better to do this than in relationship?