Entries in Winter
(3)

I’m a pretty patient person. I’ve been called flexible, strong and resilient. Right now, I feel none of those characteristics. I’m at the end of my tether. I am done.

For the past few months, I’ve tried hard to stay positive but I really can’t fake it anymore.

I’m over Winter. So over it.

As a girl that usually loves the coldest months of the year, I feel sad to have turned on my old friend. Unfortunately this old friend has stayed too long. Way too long. I need it to go. Now.

My favourite season is usually a time of joy for me. The opportunity to wear layers of warm clothing, wrap myself in coloured wool scarves and pull on thick stockings and boots. Every day.

Waxing and shaving and pedicures aren’t as important. At least not if you’re single. (If we’re dating and you’re reading this, I’m talking about a friend.)

You can rug up in a giant coat, head out and catch up with friends, either sitting outside under giant heaters or in a cosy bar that has exceptional heating. There’s spicy curry and piping hot pho … hot chocolate and red wine … giant bowls of pasta or steaming sticky date pudding. Warm food fills your belly and because you’re wrapped in layers of baggy clothes you don’t notice a few extra kilos from constant carb overloading and comfort eating.

Everyone looks good in puffer jackets.

When it rains you count your blessings for an office job. Your trusty umbrella becomes a constant companion. On the weekend, it’s a great excuse to stay in, drink coffee and binge on Netflix. Uber Eats means you never have to leave the warm cocoon of your house. Winter can do its thing outside as you watch it in awe through rain soaked windows.

Beanies and gloves give you more reasons to accessorise, even if it does take you a few extra minutes to take everything off when you arrive at your chosen destination … then another ten minutes at the end to put it all back on again. In Winter you don’t care. It’s a ritual we all enjoy for three months.

Except this Winter hasn’t just rolled in and out in three months. It feels like it started in March (supposedly Autumn) and is still here now …. allegedly Spring. We’ve endured seven long months of Wintery weather – and as much as I’ve just highlighted all the great things about that time, I’m very much done.

It’s almost become a joke. The one thing every conversation is started with. “God, how cold is it? I’m SO over Winter.” We nod in agreement.

Except for those lucky enough to escape for a few weeks to a warmer climate overseas. Europe. Bali. Fiji. Anywhere that has sunshine and blue skies. The rest of us scroll through their endless post of Instagram photos, jealously wondering why we weren’t smart enough to book a holiday and get an instant injection of Vitamin D. We sneer at classic hotdog legs on a beach photos as we turn the heater up a notch. Done. We’re all done.

No more grey skies. No more temperatures in the teens that ‘feel like’ single digit figures. No more storms or showers or rain. No more of that bitter wind that cuts you in half with icy sharpness.

I love you Winter, I really do, but you’re making us all depressed. It’s too cold and wet to exercise outside. I need fresh air and nature to be a better human being. Sunshine makes me happier. I want to eat salads and drink more water, but come on. Would you be shoving lettuce in your mouth on a 9 degree day? I don’t think so.

So how about this? You go and visit our cousins on the other side of the world, and once they’re done with you, say in nine months, you can come back and we’ll hang out again. Deal?

I’m not very good at being sick. Actually that’s a lie, as this year I’ve been sick more than ever so obviously practice makes perfect. I’ve mainly had a continuous head cold (currently up to week four of the one I caught in Perth) with the occasional addition of a sore throat or bronchitis. I’m good at catching stuff, I’m just not very good at ‘being sick’ like normal people. I’m not sure what to do.

Whenever I’m not feeling well people (usually at work) say the following to me, “Why are you here? You need to go home and rest!”

Rest? What exactly is that?

Here lies my problem. I don’t know what rest up means. Am I meant to stay in bed for two days straight and attempt to sleep? Is resting all about sitting on the couch for hours watching mind numbing TV? Pumping yourself full of vitamins with a hot water bottle and a pile of Who magazines?

I find it hard to do absolutely nothing. Sure, I like to chill out and watch TV sometimes but the thought of lying around feeling sorry for myself doesn’t make me feel good at all. It makes me feel guilty. Like I’m wasting time. So I’d rather just do a little bit of work (or head into work if I’m not going to spread my germs) and keep things moving along while my body does what it needs to do.

It’s fine to sit and reply to emails if you feel a bit under the weather. It’s not like I’m doing manual labour. I can keep the house clean and tidy – and I still need to eat so a bit of shopping is okay. I just need to carry a lot of tissues with me. And my social life? Well yes, I cut back a little bit, but I’ll be climbing the walls if I don’t have human contact after a few days.

My current shitty headcold doesn’t seem to want to go away no matter what I try. Even a spot of resting (working from home for two days). I’ve avoided drinking with no luck. Getting drunk didn’t kill it off. Good food vs junky crap showed little result. I’ve eaten enough kale and other super foods to become my own nutritionist. Nada. Exercising / Not exercising means nothing – I feel more bleugh if I don’t get off the couch and surely those endorphins will kill the bugs, right? Sleeping for hours on end (almost too much sleep) vs not enough just proved to me that 10 hours sleep is heaven, but I’m also okay with six. Nothing worked. Nothing made me feel better. Another good reason to not spend monotonous hours watching Dr Phil and drinking herbal tea.

I’m still lost. Still confused as to how to ‘be sick’. Given the weather continues to impersonate Winter, I’m thinking this cold is here to stay. If you have any ideas on how I can ‘rest up’ and not die of boredom, I’d appreciate it. Just don’t text me between 12noon and 1pm, that’s when Ellen is on.

This time last year I was happy. Really happy. I was seeing Handcuff Man. I’d come out of a really dark period of grief. I had my Soup Mate Pro and was whipping up soupy joy night after night. Life was good.

Then life started to go to shit. Handcuff Man disappeared and broke my heart. Things got weird at work. My Soup Mate Pro died. I sent it back and got a replacement but that one just refused to work. It sat motionless on my bench beeping at me. Winter was bleak.

They say that time heals all wounds. I got over Handcuff Man (several times as he kept popping back up when he felt like it). Spring arrived. I started buying soup in alfoil bags.

Last week, I started thinking about how happy I was whipping up fresh soup every day. Surely I could try my luck at a Soup Mate Pro again. We were meant for each other. I’d tried my luck a few times with Handcuff Man. Didn’t my Soup Mate Pro deserve a third chance too?

In a frenzy google I started reading online comments about my beloved appliance. The remarks were less than complimentary. A waste of money. What a rip off. Died within three months. Burnt out the motor. Never buying one ever again. Soup Mate Pro is a scam.

My heart sank. How could this whitegood that I loved so much, be so hated? I sighed deeply. I knew it was all true. Just like Handcuff Man, no matter how much I loved and wanted it, it was wrong for me. It would let me down again and again. Soup Mate Pro was bad news.

But I needed soup! The weather forecast said we were in for a long cold Winter.

A random comment caught my eye. “I bought a Tefal Soup & Co. It’s the best appliance I own. I love it and use it all the time.”

What is this Soup & Co you talk of, www?

My little googling fingers went wild, hitting review after review. Great value for money. Easy to clean. We make cocktails in it too. Tefal are a great brand. Made creamy soup for my husband and he loved it.

My heart leapt with joy.

Moments later I was on the Harvey Norman website punching in my credit card details. They would even deliver it straight to my work for just $6! Why would I bother leaving the house with such exceptional customer service?

I unwrapped that giant box with love. Like I was undressing Handcuff Man for a night of seduction. If he was covered in packing tape and bubble wrap. My shiny new Tefal Soup & Co sat before me on the kitchen bench. It was love at first sight.

A quick read of the instructions and I was ready for some action. I’ve done this before remember, I’m a Soup (Mate) Pro. I dragged out my favourite soup recipe. Grabbed fresh vegetables from the fridge. Put everything into the shiny silver cylinder. Pressed Go. Waited. Hopeful but nervous.

25 minutes later and a giant steamy bowl of spicy African Peanut Soup sat before me. Heaven. It tasted just like it had last Winter. Sweet. Creamy. Full of flavour.

My brand new Soup & Co had well and truly come to the party. I was a very happy girl. My instincts were right. Sometimes you just need to have faith that things you love will do the right thing by you. It’s going to be a long, cold and awesome Winter.