Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Remember that time aunt wanda was visiting and she washed with the bar soap in the tub a little "too deep" and she was all burny feeling?

Well mom, I think that soured me on bar soap as a child. Although this morning I believe I rediscovered it...I love bar soap. It's just so...CLEAN.

This is one of the many many things that roll through my head in a given day, and I want to share them with you.

I wish you were here.

I can imagine you laughing at me about this story and thinking, "only my daughter". I can imagine you mailing me a box full of soap bars, just to support my new found showering love. That's just how you were...

Sunday, January 4, 2015

"it's a strange moment when your child begins to walk and talk exactly the way you do"- Kattrin Davida

People would often stop me on the street, or in the supermarket, and even at school to tell me that I look just like my mom. I've heard them all: "you're a mini Anne", "wow! you're a spitting image of your mother", "holy cow, it looks like your mom just spit you right out", "No denying she's your mom, eh?". And no matter how old I got, I always disliked being told I looked like my mom.

It's not that she was ugly. Or, I didn't want to be like her, entirely. But, I just wanted to be my own person, have my own style, and not look exactly like my mother. I would always smile kindly at people, but later I would scoff and roll my eyes.

Now, that I am older, and my mother has passed, I am so thankful that I look just like her. Actually happy. It means that everyday I have a little piece of her with me.

For years after her death, I was convinced that I was the most terrible person because I hated looking like her as a child. I just knew that I made her so sad by copping an attitude and making her feel like she was not beautiful. But, the truth is, I am proud to be my mother's daughter up and down, inside and out. I am happy that I have absolutely NOTHING from my father, and I'm glad that for years to come, I will be able to sport this "baby face" and be carded in many, many bars far after my peers.

Moreover, if anyone is going through what I went through, and continue to struggle with, I would just like to let them know....you are NOT alone.

And, don't sweat the little things, don't spend your time analyzing every little thing that you did with your lost loved one....because in the end, it is far more rewarding to remember all the good times, than it will ever be to harbor such guilt.