‘ Real Housewives’ Doll Recap: Playboy Edition

It was another hour of Crazytown on this week’s installment of The Real Housewives of New York. We never thought we’d say this, but everyone — everyone being Jill, Bethenny, Countess and Kelly — is making perennial dorky outcasts Alex and Simon seem like the only sane people on the show. That’s right, Alex and Simon.Ramona is excluded from this because she’s the No. 1 Crazy. No one can take that away from her!

So, about last night’s episode: The simmering feud between Jill and Bethenny came to a boil when they ran into one another at a Jill Stuart fashion show; the two former BFFs have been on the outs ever since Bethenny left a horribly mean voicemail after a fight advising Jill to “GET A HOBBY” and stop picking battles. They hadn’t spoken for three months until the Jill Stuart event, wherein Countess — Jill’s new BFF — lectured a stunned Bethenny over cutting ties with Jill, who walked away repeating “I can’t do this!” It was sad to see a friendship end because two ginormous bruised egos — that’s you, B and J — can’t get over themselves and make amends. On Bethenny’s part, she seemed genuinely upset about the friendship breakup, telling the cameras: “I miss Jill.”

But enough about that! Let’s talk about Playboy. So Kelly was posing for the something-something issue of the nudie magazine, and had a heart-to-heart with her young daughters about seeing mommy naked. One of the kids tells Kelly that her job is “to entertain people with your weirdness.” We love that kid; she’s wise beyond her years (and well aware that mommy is extra-weird). As it turns out, Jill is LESS cool about the whole Playboy thing. She’s all, What will her children think? This is so not right. Meanwhile, Kelly could care less. She showed up on time to her shoot, bashed nemesis Bethenny for doing a boring nude PETA campaign and dropped trou for the most notorious “book” in the world. Good for her.

Jill continued the Playboy conversation at the Ungaro party that Countess hosted, bitching about Kelly’s decision in the serene, dorky presence of Alex — who, let’s not forget, had been the subject of controversy when naked pics surfaced online. Alex brought up her sordid past, comparing her experience with Kelly’s 10-page spread; then, like the epitome of class that she is, Countess made fun of Alex behind her back (and said what we were all kind of thinking): “Nude, weird photos of Alex popping up is different than the cover of Playboy.”

Turns out Alex can’t catch a break these days. At the Ungaro event, Jill and Countess mocked her young boys for being out-of-control and climbing up a stranger’s leg; she also drew their stink-eye stares for choosing Ramona’s Labor Day barbeque over Countess’ fiesta. Because there are now TWO divided camps without Housewife-hood: Countess, Jill and Kelly versus Bethenny and Ramona. Alex (and famewhore-ish husband Simon) are caught in the middle.

Countess seized this opportunity to put Alex on the spot, asking: “Are you on our team?” To which Alex responded, “At the moment I’m friends with everyone.”

Then Countess cackled, beside herself, further sinking to Ramona’s level of batshit-crazitude.