Tales from the front-line of a British mummy living in the American land of mommies...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Why my husband is not on my Christmas card list this year...

'Him Downstairs and I have reached a big milestone..,' I blogged in my last post. Me writing away as I was. All on a high after our roamntic interlude.Didn't bloody last.Was an unexpected milestone as it turns out.A milestone surely we're not due to reach for another ten years. A milestone that has left me peed off.And upset.Plus a bit hurt.And downright surprised actually.I didn't think he was the sort.

He forgot our anniversary.

We woke up on 'the day' and it was all a little unusually hectic.I was packing for my trip Spain with Cheeky and Monkey to visit my parents.Leaving that night. On our anniversary.Yes, I know.But, we were having the day together and we'd had the night away the previous weekend, my early anniversary gift to him. So I'd done my bit to make it up.Anyway, over a cup of tea in the morning sun, together we opened the anniversary cards that'd come in the mail.Truthfully, I opened them. Oohed and ahhed at the comments, while he gave them his usual mere cursory glance.Typical bloke.I didn't give him my card yet.He didn't give me his card. Yet.

The day wore on and somewhere in it, he said, "Happy anniversary. Got time for a quickie?"I glanced around me at the bombsite of almost packed suitcases and bottles of suncream and suggested he take his kids to the park instead.When they got back, I waited for the bunch of flowers and card that would surely appear.He's bought me flowers every anniversary after all.No blooms arrived.I went upstairs, removed his card from its hiding place and wrote a slushy note inside before sealing it and leaving it on his nightstand.Leaving our room, I noticed a stray receipt on the carpet.It was for the two Star Wars sticker books he'd got the boys for our journey and a Hallmark card.'Ah' I thought. 'He did get me a card. Wonder where he's hidden it?'

We bundled the cases and the kids in the car and stopped en route to the airport to have a nice family dinner.I waited for him to order us a glass of champagne to toast our four long years of marriage.He ordered coke.I grumbled about him being as romantic as a fist in your face and ordered two glasses of Prosecco.For myself.

At the airport, he pulled up to the no-waiting departures drop-off and dumped me, two toddlers, a stroller and three suitcases on the pavement."I'm off to park the car. I'll see you in there," he said.Not a luggage trolley in sight.He'd completely refused to drop his parents and sister there when they'd left us last month. He chaperoned them all the way to security. And got them a bloody luggage trolley.By now, he really wasn't up for Husband Of The Year.But, not wanting to leave my one and only on bad terms, we kissed and hugged goodbye (after I struggled my way through check-in. Solo.)He gave the boys $20 each for ice creams and I resisted the urge to go off on one about how the dollar wouldn't be much good in Spain and couldn't Daddy have at least got them the right currency as their holiday pocket money...blah, blah, blah.

Fourteen hours, two plane rides, several elevators, a couple of escalators and a car journey later, I plonked my suitcase down in my new bedroom in Spain.I was excited to unpack it.'It' was surely nestling somewhere inside.Under my T-shirts?Wrapped in my beach towel?Tucked into the pages of my new Jodi Picoult?Er.Hmmm.Strange.Hang on.WTF is my anniversary card?The entire contents of my big suitcase and the kids two mini cases was by now strewn across my Mum's spare room.No envelope to be found.I tried to push the prickles at the back of my jet lagged eyes away.It didn't work.I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. And cried.It hit me. The light bulb moment.This year has become the first anniversary where Him Downstairs got me a big, fat, ugly, Nada. Nowt. NOTHING.

"Thanks for the lovely card," he said, somewhat sheepishly when I phoned to say we'd arrived En Espana safely."Glad you liked it. I couldn't find mine..." I said trying not to cry."Ah yeah. Sorry about that. I, err, forgot."" Oh. I saw a receipt though, for a card you bought the day before I flew. The day before our anniversary.""Oh right, yeah," he says. "I noticed on facebook that it was my cousin Dave's birthday, so I got him a card when I was buying the boys their books."

I almost hung up.

But...

"That's the cousin who never sends you birthday or Christmas cards? I asked, wanting to throw the phone off the hillside in a SATC post dumped-at-the-alter-Carrie Bradshaw moment. " Guess they didn't have anniversary cards in that shop for your wife? Who. NEVER. Forgets. To. Give. You. A. Card. Ever?"

Words failed him at this point.Me too.I hung-up.

I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I can feel his embarrassment all away across the Atlantic as it laps at my dipped-in-the-Med toes.

10 comments:

Oh, Mom/Mum don't cry. I don't know why men are so useless. I didn't get a card this year either - although our anniversary did coincide with our big move, and we also had our leaving do on the same date, so I guess there were other things to think about. It's probably something similar with you two, you are going away, etc. etc.(although the cousin Dave thing would have made me spit as well...) But I am sure that it does not mean that he wasn't thinking about you -and I bet he will miss you while you are away.

Ahhh NVG - you are like the BEST cuppa ever. Thank you. Soothing words at just the right time.He has sent me quite a few grovelling apologies while I've been away...think he knows he was in the doghouse and would like to come out.

Uh uh. He is in trouble!! I am sure he will make up for it. Try remember the lovely romantic things he has done in the past - such as that beautiful book - when you are thinking he's an arse. By now, you must be missing him and forgetting all about the fact he didn't buy you a card. Although, don't worry, it shall be stored in wife's head to be used at next available argument..."what about that time you forgot to even buy me a card..." ha ha. We have such great memories...

My husband doesn´t do cards either and if he does its just To and From... can´t make the effort for me (or anyone).

The worst was two Christmases ago when he got me nothing. It was just me, hubby and the kids and they opened their presents, he opened his from me and the kids and his brother and I only had a book from his brother to open (for various reasons other gifts from family were delayed). I was excited for the kids, but also fighting back disappointment. At one point he turned to me and said "What did you get?" I said "A book from Nick". Later that evening I cried.

We have been married 14 years and he is a great Dad and mostly good husband, but he lets me down with gifts all the time and I have learned to accept it. He doesn´t like receiving gifts either, I don´t know why.

If it makes you feel any better, my Dad forgot my Mum and Dad's 40th wedding anniversary. Totally forgot. Booked a trip to go somewhere else with a load of his mates and then refused to cancel it saying he felt a loyalty to them. Mum was/is FURIOUS. She booked a very expensive trip on his credit card to come and see me instead. Some men are just bloody hopeless at that sort of thing. Hope you are feeling better now. x

RML - Hello and thank you for commenting. I hope getting your lot out made you feel better about that crappy Christmas. Gifts/cards shouldn't matter should they, but when we (Women/Mum/Moms) make an effort to make sure our loved ones have something nice to open on special occassions, no wonder the tears flow when we get overlooked. Unfortunately yours and my scenario is all too common eh?I'll send you an xmas pressie...!

BIB/FM - Hello and Good for your Mum! Love that kind of retaliation. Bless her. Blxxdy men eh? I do feel better now thanks. The tonic of a holiday and being spoilt by my parents, plus all that extra babysitting Grandparents can provide has cleansed me of my troubles. It will be back to reality soon enough, and am sure I'll be here blogging and moaning again before too long!

Bad, bad man! I hope he has made up for this now! I would've felt exactly the same as you. There is only one way to make up for this... diamonds yes but also some very expensive shoes... or a bag perhaps? Hope you had a great time in Spain anyhoo! x

About Me

Mother of two boys, wife of one, employed by all three and I didn't even have to have an interview.
I've survived five years in the American Dream and some of it's been lots of fun and some of it's almost had me on the first flight back to the UK. I still struggle with being a stay-at-home-mum/mom. What happened to that career I had?
I blog to share my parenting and expat experiences, but really it's my stress reliever to being a Brit out of water...