My mom’s birthday was yesterday and
Father’s Day is on Sunday (my parents are doomed to always share at least one
of their special days) and I was reflecting the other day about the words of
“wisdom” parents tend to “share” with their kids. You know what I’m
talking about. My husband’s parents used to tell him that he couldn’t
have more ketchup because it was WAY too expensive, and that every time he
turned the lights off and on it cost 25 cents. When he grew up and moved
out he was surprised, and delighted, to find out that neither ketchup nor
light-switching were all that expensive.

I suppose that all parents get to a point
with their kids where they will just say anything to appease or pacify or make
them stop doing what they’re doing (in my husband’s case, I think it was
drinking ketchup and playing dance party). Thinking back on my own
childhood, I know my parents had a handful of one-liners that I thought were
meant for pacification, but when I reflect on them (now that I’m grown and over
the teenage angst and eye-rolling - mostly) the things they used to say were
actually good.

And surprisingly true.

Allow me to share.

1. Offer it up.(As in, offer this [suffering of some kind]
up to God)

I imagine that every good Catholic parent
can be heard saying this to his or her kids, and my parents were no
exception. As a child I used to think it was an easy thing for my mom or
dad to say when I scraped a knee or stubbed a toe, and couldn’t understand a
God who wanted me to suffer so that I could “offer it up” to him.But as an adult I realize there’s so much
more to it.

For Catholic Christians, suffering isn’t
just something to be avoided at all costs. Not only is it part of the
human condition and completely unavoidable, but it can also be redemptive, a
gift to us – a share, albeit a small one, in the pain that Christ suffered.The catechism refers to suffering in its
section on the Sacrament of the Sick.It
states, “By the grace of this sacrament
the sick person receives the strength and the gift of uniting himself more
closely to Christ’s Passion: in a certain way he is consecrated to bear fruit
by configuration to the Savior’s redemptive Passion.Suffering, a consequence of original sin,
acquires a new meaning; it becomes a participation in the saving work of
Jesus.”(CCC 1521) This, as I have
come to understand, is uniformly true – all suffering, of any kind, can be
transformed in Christ to help the world, help your neighbor, and also to help
yourself to get to heaven.Now THAT is
pretty cool.

2. It’s always good to have good
friends.

This little ditty was usually said in
response to questions or in conversations surrounding boyfriends/girlfriends/dating.It would usually go something like this: Me:
Mom, I like this guy but I don’t know if he likes me. Mom: Well it’s always
good to have good friends.The saying
drove me (and my siblings) up the wall half the time, but I have come to believe
that it is genuinely true.

Because as it turns out I have a
disposition that falls on the nervous side of the spectrum.When it came to dating relationships in my
20’s I was anxiety-ridden and guys would not often make the “cut” for a second
date.I’d all but given up in my early
20’s as I figured there’d be no way for me to get to know someone, at least not
with the way the dating scene and I were getting along at that point.

I did meet someone.And through a miraculous series of events, we
had to stay friends for several months before he could ask me out on a
date.Those months turned out to be
foundational for us, a way for us to get to know each other without the
pressure of the one-on-one dating scene. We established a solid friendship then, but were
also blessed to have made several other solid friendships during that time as
well, friendships that have richly blessed our married life.So as it turns out, it IS always good to have
good friends.

3.It has nothing to do with fair.

I have 6 brothers and 1 sister.8 kids = lots of fighting, and lots of inane
fighting at that.Us kids were
constantly running to mom to tattle or complain that something was not fair and
she inevitably returned with, “It has nothing to do with fair”.And she was right.It almost always had more to do with sharing,
with allowing others to be in our space or use our stuff and sometimes we
needed to teach someone else how to share properly.I think most kids (and most adults?) have
this overdeveloped sense of what is fair for ME, and an underdeveloped sense of
what is fair for the OTHER.These words of
wisdom certainly helped remedy that.

4.This will hurt me more than it does you.

This is a tough one because it was said
before a discipline of some kind and I never believed it at the time. Now, I work at a college with 80+ young people in their late teens and early
twenties and I can say with certainty that discipline often does “hurt” the
discipliner, arguably more than the offender, if only for the fact that the discipliner
has to weigh the actions, stew about the consequences, and then actually
administer the discipline.It’s hard.It’s a drag.It’s being the bad guy when all you want to be is the good guy; most
especially when it's with the people you love most in the world, like your kids.But it’s one of those things that is
necessary for the offender; that you hope will shape a person into a good, virtuous,
God-fearing, responsible person.What’s
more important than that?

5.You’ll thank me for it someday.

Oh that darned violin.I hated practicing.I only moderately liked playing – mostly
because it was a hard and unforgiving mistress.But it was something all of us kids did, learn to play an instrument (or
several).And I did it too.We all play the piano, guitar or violin or a
mixture of the three, with other instruments thrown in as well.My brother is a music teacher; my sister is
studying music at university.We were
sometimes called the Canadian VonTrapp family because we would “tour” the local
nursing homes and Church lady get-togethers and put on little shows.In truth, although there were times I swore
I wouldn’t be, I am thankful to my parents for the talents I have because of their
perseverance.I grew up thinking that
everyone learned musical instruments, that it was no big deal, and that
everyone could play music the way we could, but that’s simply not true.Having met enough people now that long to be
able to play the violin, I understand what a talent it is and I’m grateful,
just like my mom said I would be. However did she know?

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What is a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? There is softness and hardness, compassion and ferocity. There is contentment and adventure, freedom and service. We're conundrums, especially to ourselves, but we all, in some way, possess beauty, creativity, intuition and love. We were made for love, and we are loved, cellulite and all. Here we aim to show every woman the richness and beauty of her own femininity and explore current issues relating to women in our world. We also wish to share our own experiences - exploring the joys and challenges of stay-at-home moms and single professionals and everyone in between. Welcome! So glad you're here!