As a Marine, The Mister spent a considerable amount of time on boats. I mean, ships. Because you can’t say boats to a Marine. Marines go on ships, and floats.

Early in our marriage, he discovered my belief in sea monsters. We have argued about it ever since.

My theory: We don’t even know how deep the sea is! You have no idea what’s out there! Remember what happened to Jonah?!? Leviathan?!? What about The Abyss?!? Did you not read Moby Dick? Or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Have you even been on that ride?!?

His theory: Dolphins racing ships are a beautiful sight.

He says there are no monsters. If shown a photo of a monster, he just says logical and reasonable things like “It’s not real.”

not “real”

not “real”

not “real”

not “real”

not “real”

not “real”

When I was in fifth grade, I saw a giant squid at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago and I have never fully recovered.

that poor baby!

In sixth grade, I read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I had nightmares for weeks. Giant Squid.
I thought I was okay, but my 1991 trip to Disney World brought it all back in full color and near panic.

So don’t tell me there aren’t sea monsters. Scientists are like, “Oh, we thought the Coelacanths were extinct, but they’re not! Yay!”

And there are fish that walk, ON LAND, and I don’t just mean mudskippers. Some of them are scary as fuck.

this mofo lives in florida

You never know when you’ll be swimmin, and some living fossil will come eat your tasty modern ass.
Y’all don’t even know.

31 Responses to I Believe in Sea Monsters

Ha, seriously funny stuff here but I have to admit, I’m not a fan of the deep. Who knows what’s out there, down there, in there, under there. I was watching a show about underwater cave explorers – really? Nice post.

OMGosh, this is SO funny! I loved the Abyss movie (yep, Ed Harris), but still remember the da DUM; da DUM; da DUM of the Jaws theme. Every time I hear it, I get goose bumps! Now THAT was scary! Although I have to admit the scariest movie I ever saw was Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the original and the remake). Pod people. I’m sure they came from the ocean.

I love this post. I smiled and laughed all the way through, and I got a bonus at the end, if you’ll pardon the pun. It’s great knowing that my ass is tasty AND modern! Thanks for that. I think we’re all better off knowing that about our asses. 🙂

When I was four we lived in Georgia and my grandparents lived in Fernandina Beach, FL. I remember going to the beach on Thanksgiving among other times. But, I would never get in the water past my waist. My aunt would frequently try to get me to let her take me out deeper but I was convinced a giant squid was going to get me. Most kids, I think, fear sharks at the ocean. Not me…I was scared of the giant squid. I’m right there with ya, sister.