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Change of custody

Hello ladies! I am new to this board and about to deal with a major change of custody and parenting time. I'll try to keep it as short and sweet as possible and will answer questions if there are specifics that need to be clarified.

I've been divorced since October 2012. EH and I have true 50/50, both physical and legal custody. DD lives with me for a week and with EH for a week. We live 5 minutes away, so school schedule is not an issue. EH is moving from AZ to MD this summer. He chose to move to follow his GF (it is not because he did not have a job here or because he is moving closer to family, he does not know anyone in MD and his family is in CA). He has so far not expressed any sort of desire to have DD go with him, which I'm grateful for, because I have no intention on letting it happen. He has also not discussed anything regarding custody or visitation. I expressed to him that it will be best if we go to mediation, because we have done that in the past, rather successfully. My question to you is, have any of you dealt with a long-distance move like this, what type of custody schedule is best, what specific things do you have in your CO... anything useful, basically.

In your shared situation there is, I assume, still a custodial parent. Is that you?

He is choosing to move and that makes the shared custody impossible. It will go to a joint custody situation with long distance visitation.

Generally, long distance visitation will be division of school breaks in Spring and Fall (trading those eoy), a lengthy summer visitation for the NCP...six weeks is a pretty common amount which leaves very little time for the child to have much summer with the CP...something that the child may resent as they get older.

Travel is generally paid for by the parent who moves, although sometimes it is a shared expense. Plane tickets need to be purchased a month in advance and unaccompanied minor fees also paid for in advance.

While your child is away you will want to have the right to Skype or call on a regular schedule.

What is the age of your DD? Will he be able to provide child care while he works? Does he have a job already lined up? What is the background of the GF and what is their housing situation going to be? You have a right to know where your DD will be living and with whom.

DD is 10. I'm willing to give Spring and Fall, since I work during that time and it's no biggie. Winter is an issue since DS's birthday is 12/22/13 and having DD spend every winter break with EH would mean she would never be around for his birthday, as well as Christmas. I mentioned trading off Christmas and New Years weeks eoy, he didn't say anything. Summertime is fine, except we generally go to Bulgaria (where I'm from) every other year for 3 weeks in July. I know DD will want to go. He is a teacher, so he'll have summers off. I'm not sure about daycare during Spring and Fall since I doubt their breaks will coincide (looking at the schedule for the district he's planning on working for they won't).
He will live with GF, who is married and has 3 kids. They are currently in the Philippines, she sent them off with her husband so she can have an undisturbed affair with EH. I don't know if she's planning on bringing her kids over, but I'd be a little worried if she did. DD has never met them, there are 2 girls, 2 yo and a 8 yo, and a boy, 13 yo. I worry more about the boy, DD says he doesn't want to talk to his mom, because she left them and I fear that he might have some serious issues if he moves in with them. I'm not sure how I can prevent this, if it all... I wonder if I can try to put a stipulation in the order that say no cohabitation until the kids have been introduced for a certain period of time? We already had issues with GF forcing DD into physical acts (kissing her on the mouth) and EH didn't do anything about it, so it really freaks me out, KWIM?

Quoting tottaxi:

In your shared situation there is, I assume, still a custodial parent. Is that you?

He is choosing to move and that makes the shared custody impossible. It will go to a joint custody situation with long distance visitation.

Generally, long distance visitation will be division of school breaks in Spring and Fall (trading those eoy), a lengthy summer visitation for the NCP...six weeks is a pretty common amount which leaves very little time for the child to have much summer with the CP...something that the child may resent as they get older.

Travel is generally paid for by the parent who moves, although sometimes it is a shared expense. Plane tickets need to be purchased a month in advance and unaccompanied minor fees also paid for in advance.

While your child is away you will want to have the right to Skype or call on a regular schedule.

What is the age of your DD? Will he be able to provide child care while he works? Does he have a job already lined up? What is the background of the GF and what is their housing situation going to be? You have a right to know where your DD will be living and with whom.

The GF is still married? Maybe a morality clause can be built into the co. A custody order can be as standard or as unique as you want as long as you can get your ex or a judge to sign off on it.

Parents' birthdays...I have never really seen this as an issue. Kids' birthdays are important. Their parents'...not so much. Maybe you can split the Winter break so that eoy he gets her for HER birthday.

If you go to Bulgaria every year then build that trip into your co. Do you go at the same time each year? If so, name those dates specifically. It may be such that summer break can be split so that he has DD before and after your trip if you take it midsummer.

Will he ever be returning to your area? If so, you can stipulate that with proper notice he can see DD when he is in the area for a specific number of days (like a weekend).

I really think that since he is the one moving that he should be the one to initiate the conversation. He needs to make a proposal and then you can go from there You might get lucky and he will be willing to just go for some time in the summer since he is off at that time and regular Skype calls the rest of the year. If he is throwing everything away for this GF, he may become one of those that just fades away.

Yes, she is married. She applied for divorce last spring and the case was dropped last summer for "inactivity" (I know because AZ is an open court record state, anyone who knows your name can look it up). I'm afraid that if I ask for a morality clause it will look like I'm preventing him from living with GF because I don't like her (not that I do, I just don't want to sound petty).
As for DD's birthday, it is May 29th, so it is usually right at the end of her school year. Wouldn't mind him coming over for that, but he won't as he has no family here. He's also lost touch with all his close friends in the area since GF came into the picture. I don't know what the story is, nor have I cared to ask, I just know a lot of his buddies that he used to hang out with won't as much as speak to him.
We can only go to Bulgaria during July, because of our work schedules. I can let him know at least 3 months in advance since these visits are planned well ahead.
I know he will fade away, to be honest, he probably won't pay for her tickets past the first few visits. He is really bad at financial planning. I had all his credit cards paid off before the divorce was finalized, I also paid for the divorce as long as he agreed to sign the papers instead of going to court. In a matter of 2 months he had everything maxed out, was late on payments, etc. He is in so much debt right now that he has credit cards suing him and he cannot even get a car loan (not that he needs one, I left him the Jeep that was paid off). He's just irresponsible as hell.

Quoting tottaxi:

The GF is still married? Maybe a morality clause can be built into the co. A custody order can be as standard or as unique as you want as long as you can get your ex or a judge to sign off on it.

Parents' birthdays...I have never really seen this as an issue. Kids' birthdays are important. Their parents'...not so much. Maybe you can split the Winter break so that eoy he gets her for HER birthday.

If you go to Bulgaria every year then build that trip into your co. Do you go at the same time each year? If so, name those dates specifically. It may be such that summer break can be split so that he has DD before and after your trip if you take it midsummer.

Will he ever be returning to your area? If so, you can stipulate that with proper notice he can see DD when he is in the area for a specific number of days (like a weekend).

I really think that since he is the one moving that he should be the one to initiate the conversation. He needs to make a proposal and then you can go from there You might get lucky and he will be willing to just go for some time in the summer since he is off at that time and regular Skype calls the rest of the year. If he is throwing everything away for this GF, he may become one of those that just fades away.

I investigated long distance visitations because my SO's BM plans to move to another state. It was recommended that SO ask that if visitations are scheduled and missed because she did not pay for plane tickets that future visitations be denied until reviewed by the court.

I was also told that it was up to BM (since she is the one moving) to notify the court. Otherwise the current co stayed in affect.

That is actually an awesome idea! It might help with him potentially brushing DD off... Not that he wouldn't if he chose to, but this would make him think twice, hopefully.

Quoting tottaxi:

I investigated long distance visitations because my SO's BM plans to move to another state. It was recommended that SO ask that if visitations are scheduled and missed because she did not pay for plane tickets that future visitations be denied until reviewed by the court.

I was also told that it was up to BM (since she is the one moving) to notify the court. Otherwise the current co stayed in affect.

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