Trying to learn to suck a little less

Change. Progress anticipated. Maybe.

I have this friend. They are unlike any other person I’ve met in my life. Typically your average person doesn’t impress me. From the first night I met this person, they have continued to impress me. When you really think about how selfish and self-centered the majority of us can get, it’s a rare trait to be a genuinely good human being. I definitely believe they are one of those people. Those people make you want to be every bit as kind and selfless as they are – and so they slowly change the world.

The thing that continuously shocks me about my friend is that they put other people before themselves. I’m realistic enough to know how I often my own need comes right before everyone else. Gotta look out for number one, right? Imagine my surprise when I witness first hand what endless generosity can look like. It’s pretty jarring for a cynic like myself. You see it happening and say to yourself, “Why haven’t I done that for someone? I’m completely able and have enough to share, so why haven’t you? The world is good about making us have this mindset that whatever we have we worked hard for and therefore only we can reap the benefits. My friend simply just doesn’t work that way. The greatest thing is that after I see their random acts of kindness, it makes me want to go out and just make someone’s day for no reason at all. Scientific fact: doing nice things makes you feel better.

I’m not 100% sure that I’m salvageable. I have been a pessimist for a long time and I’m pretty stubborn. The journey to being a pleasant individual is going to be pretty hard. There’s going to be a lot of blood, sweat, and (my) tears. I know this sounds pretty farfetched, but you haven’t met me yet. You just don’t know. I am a pretty lackluster person.

I think that people who are too friendly are strange. I’m not talking about telling the life story within the first five minutes of meeting friendly, I’m talking about smiling and being excited to see you level. Or, you know, how normal people are.

Have you ever walked into a room and the occupants immediately stop talking? Yeah, you know. They were just talking about you. I was just talking about you. Happens a lot, doesn’t it?

Do you know that person that insults people for a laugh? This one. We like to call it having a “dry” sense of humor. But really we’re just assholes. Seriously.

Every time you go outside, no matter if you’re looking the best you ever looked, I am watching and silently judging. Everything. Who in the hell do I think I am? Better than you, that’s who.

And the list goes on. You’ll find out. That was a small sample. I thought I liked being that person, even when I have consistently said that if I knew me, I would not want to be friends with me. Honestly, though, that person sucks. Who chooses to be that?

I want this to be a positive experience. I want to be a more positive person and be able to say without any hesitation that I love life. Going from, “Meh. Life,” to genuinely enjoying my human experience seems daunting.