Oranges: a popular fruit. Very popular. Go in any place that sells fruit, fruit store, or whatever, and I bet one thing you will see there displayed prominently is—that's right—oranges. The point is that oranges are very popular in America. So then, smartass: why is there no orange pie?

Here are some fruits that are about as popular as oranges: apples, bananas. Both have common pies.

Here are some fruits that are less popular than oranges: blueberries, peaches, cherries, blackberries, coconuts, rhubarb. All have common pies.

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Lemons and limes, like oranges, are citrus fruits. The main difference? They have common pies.

I don't want to hear some jerk saying, "Oh, what about kiwi fruits, or cantaloupes? They don't have pies." Those fruits are not as popular as oranges. And likewise, I don't want to hear some jerk saying, "Oh yes there is an orange pie, I Googled it, here is the weird recipe right here." Just because some weirdo made it does not make it a common pie.

A few days ago I was talking to my colleague Jim Cooke, who made the picture on this post, and he was all (drunk), "People act like these obscure starfruits and shit are so great, but there's a reason why you have to look all over the place to find starfruits, but you can find oranges everywhere. It's because oranges are good." And you know, that drunk guy was right: oranges are good.

But not good enough for pie?

America's "Thanksgiving" holiday is as empty as an orangeless pie crust.