Saturday, March 9, 2013

I’m feeling a little disjointed today, butt It’s Saturday! That means it’s time for my spankin’ new feature: Saturday Sequester Survival Stories. Harrowing tales of real people who survived the R-word’s sequester, only to face an even more terrifying future!

First on the docket, Pet Care.

I don’t know about you, butt the Wons are just too busy Organizing for Action and shrinking children's’ fat behinds to feed and walk their dog.

Little Bo’s “security” could stand to visit the salad bar every so often

Sure, I know Big Guy drops the old “got to go scoop the poop” canard when he wants out of some boring fundraiser with the 1%. Butt I don’t think anybody, except maybe the boring 1% giving him all that money, believes him.

And it’s not just that they’re too busy. It’s really more about the optics.

“Leading from behind”

Luckily, Little Bo’s high-paid “security” (well, not high-paid byBig White standards, butt way high-paid in comparison to you and moi!) is going to survive the R-word’s sequester. And that’s a huge relief to me and the DOTUS!

“Tough.”

So, that’s my Sequester Survival story of the week. Now on to bigger fish. Take a gander at this:

I did it again! Wow, does that take me back! Little Mo’s favorite Hendrix instrumental is a little more on topic, butt still, really just a reminiscence. Just don’ “reminisce” them both at the same time like I just did! Whoa!

Butt back to the news. NASA warns "Something unexpected" is happening on the sun. I don’t know about you, butt that make me nervous. I know, NASA’s new mission is to make peace with mooselims, and raise their self-esteem so they will stop wanting to kill us, butt somebody’s got to keep the solar system functioning properly, right? I don’t really want to burn up in solar flares, do you? Or alternately, freeze to death because some space dweeb forgot to stoke the fires.

Experts have been baffled by the apparent lack of activity - with many wondering if NASA simply got it wrong.

However, Solar physicist Dean Pesnell of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center believes he has a different explanation.(snip)

'I am comfortable in saying that another peak will happen in 2013 and possibly last into 2014.'(snip)

“last into 2014”??? Ok, now I see what’s going on. You can relax; nothing to worry about. It’s just going to be another “surprise disaster” in Big Guy’s arsenal to keep moving FORWARD! and WTH (Win The House) in 2014. An “unexpected solar event” will occur just in time to ensure that we have reason to elect enough Democrats to pass Cap and Trade.