I had some thoughts on cycling—on the honest-to-goodness racing of bicycles—earlier this week. But dang if I didn’t get a little distracted by the bellowing and harrumphing of bands of lawyers as they debated, at a micrometer level, whose client had the more impressive virile organ.

And you know, it could almost be passable fodder for drama if the various parties involved weren’t so irretrievably bad at finding engaging, creative ways to tell each other to screw off. Their press releases are routinely so terrible that there isn’t a cycling fan left who hasn’t thought “man, even I could do this better”.

Well, now you can: introducing the Cycling Organization Press Release Generator. Chose your combatant, craft a headline and press release, and get your very own, permalinked article displayed—in very convincing fashion, I might add—for the whole Internet to see. I’ve put together one or two, to demonstrate the potential lulz.

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