Wednesday, April 15, 2009

If the Fucking Habs are to have a chance at winning this series, TFS (tm) will have to be this hot.

Defense wins championships, as the cliche goes. Right now I'd settle for a first round series win - and if that's gonna happen, the Fucking Habs had better figure out a way to shut down the Broons second-ranked offense. Seriously. The Boo-ins finished right behind Detroit. So let's see how the goaltending and defense stack up.

Masked Men

The Good

TFS (tm) has played way better down the stretch and seems to have gotten his groove back. Halak is way better than Emmanual F.

The Bad

The Broons goalie duo of Tiny Tim and Manny the A-hole won the Jennings trophy for the team giving up the fewest goals. Tiny Tim will also likely be a Vezina trophy candidate (although Luongo is gonna win).

The Ugly

Montreal, on the other hand, finished 20th, giving up 51 more goals. Yeah, that sucks.

In fact, all the stats favour Boston, so lets forget about those.

The Prediction

Let's go with our gut, which tells us that TFS(tm) is going to play every game of this series like game 7 of last year. Meanwhile, Tiny Tim is going to play like a castoff from a second tier European team.

As dominate as Chara can be, he's also not the most mobile dude at 6'9, and skill guys like Kovy can make him look like Treebeard coming out of the corners. Although he pretty much always looks that way anyway.

The Bad

It starts and ends with the B's Shaved Gorilla. He'll probably play about 45 minutes a game, including all PPs and PKs. Really the Habs best bet is if he gets hurt again. (I hope BGL is reading this. If you are, Google "Bobby Clarke" and "Valeri Kharlamov".)

I hate to say it, but it's clear Montreal has no one to match Treebeard. Two weeks ago I'd have no problem saying that, as a unit, I'd pick Montreal's group 1 through 6 over the Broons collection of Treebeard and 5 guys no one outside Bahsten has ever head of, except maybe Wideman. But after the fucking Leafs game...well, just another reason to wish that Grabitchski gets gang raped in a Belorussian prison.

The Ugly

Markov is hurt and even if he plays he won't be the impact player he has to be. The Semetic Saviour has been an inspiration playing hurt, but a 39-year-old with a bad wing isn't going to carry a team into the finals. DOOM needs to play like he did last year, not the mediocre play of this season. And he needs to plant Lucic 5 times a game. Hamr's contract is looking like more and more of an albatross. I love Georges, but he's not a difference-maker. And if Breezer is among our leading scorers again...kill me now. Franky B is probably playing for a contract - and Rhino for a career - but neither is likely to have much of an impact, if they play at all.

The Prediction

I fucking hate to say this, but the Shaved Gorilla is the major difference here - unless someone can render him ineffective (read: Gillooly him). Of course, IF: Markov makes a miraculous recovery; Hamr forgets he's old; Gorges morphs into Guy Lapointe; and Breezer spontaneously combusts; THEN, we have a chance.

Nah, you're right on the money: Hamrlik has sucked. Crappy defensive plays, bad passes, and his propensity for taking interference calls (always the same one, too! Forechecker dumps it in, chases after it, Hamrlik decides to pin the forechecker rather than retrieve the puck even though he has a huge head start).

Hamrlik hits, though, and has experience. The D is undersized as it is without replacing the Hamr with another small Swiss dude who has played like 3 NHL games ever.

SSHF - he may hit, but his hits are CRAZY ineffective. Watch the next time he hits someone - he's NEVER the first one out of the corner and (even worse) the other dude usually still has the puck.

Making the boards go boom is fun, but you need to have a reason for doing so...

Have I bored everyone to tears in here yet about my theory with the Habs and hitting? Nutshell: when we hit, we win. I'm not talking gooning it up (we can't do that), but I'm talking solid, effective hits using our speed. It means that we're getting to the puck and finishing our checks. But, when we try to play a "finesse and speed game", that's code for no hitting. We play like pussies and lose.

I'm confused as to which Habs will show up tomorrow because we're hearing mixed messages from the coaches and players about which strategy they're using.

I'm listening to Melnick in the afternoon, Mitch is beside himself. Apparantly last night between the baseball game that was on the Bruins have a commercial with Chara, Savard etc saying "I believe." "Do you believe?" The dirty dogs are stealing our friggin slogan from last year. Mitch went on a good rant and he says Habs in 6. Good on him.

And where there's hope there's fire. No wait. And where there's hope there's faith. No, hang on, that's not it. And where there's hope there's...awww crap...look you fuckin Habs just get the fuckin job done will ya?

Verif: dynarde, as in "this'll be better than Bruce in Die Hard 2 'cause the broons'll be the ones dynarde"

Well now I'm beside myself. I wanted to subsribe to live streaming playoff games on the NHL.com site. They say they're not streaming them, check your local TV listings. WTF, I'm going on vacation Friday morning for 10 days. Sigh...I'll just have to listen on CJAD. What horseshit.

About Four Habs Fans

The Four(-ish) Habs Fans are four(-ish) Habs fans. Three are from Montreal, though one of those is now stuck in the middle of the Red Mile. The other somehow grew up a Habs fan in the middle of Ontario Cottage Country, and now lives in Hogtown. Some of them are lawyers, so they are opinionated, and may or may not be assholes.

HabsFan29 is a lifelong Montrealer who decided the Four Habs Fans' email exchanges about the Habs were just too stupidly amusing and occasionally intelligent not to share with the world. The 29 is for the greatest (only?) Goalie-lawyer-PM candidate ever. He would like his mom to know that his meth habit is overstated on this blog for comedic effect.

HabsFan4 paid tribute to one of the finest gentlemen to ever don a Canadiens sweater. His legacy as one of the pioneers of the Gangsta Rap movement has always been understated. His Jaro posts will be recalled fondly by all.

HabsFanForever33 aka Panger is a Montrealer in Exile currently residing mere blocks from the Red Mile, yet whose passion for all things Canadiens has only embiggened with distance. HFF33 worships at the altar of St. Patrick. Panger still gets chills recalling the moment he met the greatest goal-scorer of all time, The Rocket. HFF33 is a life-long Habs fan, except during the Houle-Tremblay Era, when Le Club de Hockey Canadiens was dead to Panger.

HabsFan10 grew up watching Le Demon Blond on Radio-Canada with his unilingual English Dad in a WASPy little town in Maple Leafs country, at least until the playoffs each year, when he got to hear Danny Gallivan and Dick Irvin because the Leafs played on opposite nights (if they made the playoffs at all). Rick Middleton and Cam Neely sometimes haunt his dreams. He thinks Thurso, Quebec should be declared a national historical site. If you aren't sure what the 10 in HF10 stands for, you're on the wrong site, buster.

All mind-bogglingly warped Photoshop work courtesy the warped mind of GoldenGirl11 a.k.a. LukeyNussbaum11. All stripperrific vision expressed by contributors through Photoshop are solely those of the individual writer and do not reflect the opinions of GG11, a card carrying feminist, although she's sure that they are the opinions of her four sons even if they don't care to admit it.

moeman born in l'Estie'd'Québec, was baptized Maurice because well his Mom, seeing his beautiful dark locks and glaring eyes knew he'd need a namesake, actually it was his Mon Oncle Yvon that CHristened his Habstism, deep in central Ontario no less. He took life's circuitous route and blessed his own son with the name Patrick in 1993. He also has a gorgeous daughter but she's a Sens fan, so, meh. moeman loves women, wine, song, women, Habs, his kids, women, iOS Apps, hockey blogging women and women. His other passion, he hates the leaf. He also loves women.