Category: Introspection

MUSE: A ‘holy’ spirit: A sanctioned observer of all things of unvarnished linked whispers bearing existence as old as the Universe. A ‘reflection’ of sort; a phantom of silhouette of glimpse and shadows of outlined patterns of reproductive Phi well detailed; a beckoning of awe toward all part of the original.

Spirutal intelligence conquers all. ღ

Conscious confusion ensues when forced is interjection of egotistical fears of imposed deterent of will of infinity negated out of the ‘self’: An indivisible quantum inner facing. The divisible ego must be constricted and restricted, so can part an impart of re-‘vision’ come through conversation of frequency of ‘voice’ void of pretense.

“We are all connected.
To each other biologically.
To the earth chemically.
To the Universe atomically.”

― Neil deGrasse Tyson

Disclosure/Disclaimer statement: Please be advised that I, Eileen P Carry, do not endorse, nor am I an affiliate of any third party boxed advertisers that may be displayed on any of these blog posts. Third party advertisers may use cookies to scan you computer for marketing purposes. If you choose to engage with any of the boxed ads appearing on this page, which may or may not obtain your personal information upon clicking the box, be mindful that it is your choice to associate with these links. I am not responsible for any adverse effect your engagement with these advertisers may have on your private information.

“Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strenghtened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” —Helen Keller

It is not the suggestive heart that should be ‘followed’, as is suggested, as the heart is the bearer of anguish at best, becoming easily broken by the insignificient mundane and meaningless guilts and regrets it feeds upon in opposition to the soul simultaneously begging intuition’s logic, which so easily succumbs to mankind’s spiteful ignorance! Love, the intimate forgiver, therefore, is ‘stored’ at the core of soul, because Love is the perpetual and purposeful energy that transforms and does not fade away, as such is the fate of heart—a mind filled with negative charge offered of proposition. It is reasonable to say that the mind must first be ’emptied’ of the things of angst’s [anxiety] imprisionment, so thusly the soul can offer the ways of intuitions positive solution of heart to counter ‘the darknesses’ of unreason given to human thoughts. This, is the battle; a must of fight in order to re-gain and maintain a knowledge of the light once know and allowed to just be. This, is the what of meaning “born again”—to rid, to ‘un-program’ the mind of society’s stagnation of imposed ills of ill will.

The mind must remain vigilant, open to ‘see’ the things of the soul’s craving; an allowance of heart to purpose. The heart is the organ created to carry the genes of blood-reign who speak from the soul. The heart is the doorway, the entrance meant to feed the soul’s worth, but is used and abused by malevolent force as an exit of external damnation when one does not listen to the cries of internal endearment. The heart beats fast for anxiety’s ways of doom; a ‘cheering on’ for death of personage. So too, in awareness, the heart remains at peace [rest] when comforted by the ‘voice’ of eternal influence.

A cyclic [force] Universe is eternal beauty and chaos. Life is no different, and cannot exist one without the other. Internal Love carries the soul moment to moment within the light perpetually speaking; an eternity of souls of Love’s energeries battling a blinding heart’s despair for repair. Love is the ‘Temple’ binding the Earth to the Universe. And if it is Love [light] we must fight for as we roam the rhelms of physical [dark] experience, then stands to reason that “success” is the re-absorption of Love’s energies once lost, disallowing the illusions residing in the ‘darkness’ to fester.

Article and artwork credit: patheos.com:

“In contrast to the monotheistic religions with their linear view of sacred time and the progressive nature of history leading to a final eschcatological event, many Neo-Pagans view sacred moments as cyclical, rotating between life and death in an eternal cycle of periodic renewal, which Mircea Eliade called ‘the eternal return’. In contrast to the Dharmic religions, which seek escape from this cycle, many Neo-Pagans embrace it. Far from being a source of pessimism or despair, for these Neo-Pagans, the ineluctability of death gives deeper meaning to existence.”

Disclosure/Disclaimer statement: Please be advised that the writer does not endorse, nor is an affiliate of any third party boxed advertisers that may be displayed on any of these blog posts. Please be advised that 3rd party advertisers may use cookies to scan your computer for marketing purposes. You are of course free to engage with any of the boxed ads appearing on these blog pages, which may or may not obtain your personal information upon clicking the box, however, do be mindful that it is your choice to associate with these links. The writer is not responsible for any adverse effect your engagement may have on your private information.

Like this:

“We’re just two lost soulsswimming in a fish bowl . . .year after year . . . “
—Pink Floyd

Imperative is review of forgotten point-of-view. It’s a good thing we are the generations who remember a truer reality. We are the keepers of wisdom within. We only need to allow it to speak. The more clearly we focus our thoughts on the wonders of the Universe surrounding us, the less damage is sustained of distortion.

People of these moments no longer consider the individual perspective, because indifference has become the norm of altered thinking societies. It is hard to comprehend that employees of corporate entity are actually ‘trained’ in “policy and procedure” of expectation to ‘deal’ with the bullshite they are subjected to from arrogant consumers, and yet are compensated very little to be ‘staged’ in attitude adjustment to handle inwardly destroyed-outwardly ugly people; a pretense of ‘acting’ as though they are not emotionally, physically, and even economically and financially, affected: An expectation of personhood numbness.

Empathy and consideration can and does go a long way. Petty people could be ‘re-trained’ to be human simply by taking away the social ‘devices’ that promote selfishness, separation, and apathy. Guaranteed to bring people back to remembrance of instinctual knowledge of ‘how to’ be considerate and more in tune to the ‘feelings’ of others rather than be an impenetrable bubble of ignorance that some currently have become.

#ditchthenotsosmartphone once in awhile! #communicationisnotacrime.

#Indifference is #inhumane: A new conscious feeling. We all have been at one time or another in a room full of people—all glued to their ‘devices’. This presents a feeling of aloneness; an epidemic of sadness, and hence, the very reason for uncomfortable human stirrings; an up rise in numbers going to a psychologist or psychiatrist for misunderstood ‘conditions’ of mental and emotional breakdown, when all people really want and have need for is natural human connectivity. But of course, and par for societal recourse, drugs are easily dispensed to curb an anxiety of intolerance, since empathetic ones who seek human interaction are the ones seen by all others to be the very ones less tolerated.

Humanity IS NOT moving forward! Humanity is stagnated in as far as evolution of thought. This, is exactly how the status quo would have it as is obvious and continuous is the conjuring of new ways to control the things of already given natural laws of order persistently striving to progress!

#WakeupNOW! Now of moments is the right of birthright! There is no future without now! Exchange fear of ‘voice’ with courage of heart to live to just be! Give no precious mind’s moments to immoral and complicated illusions offered of the insane few who seek to reap with greed aforethought! Freedom is not the delusions given to gains of want, freedom is being who you are without indoctrinate false sense of need for things to falsely profess it!

‘Karma’: An egocentric frame of thought not unlike drama and dogma of most “religions” whose sole over souls purpose is to divide and conquer; an obstacle of personal conscious undermining placed of one’s thoughts as one pursues a journey toward #introspection of personal truths vested in happiness. “Karma” is a mere conjured word intended to incite spiritual flaw—a voo-doo doll-like judgment placed upon the head of another in hate-filled desire for revenge of broken heart: A perpetuated not forgotten unforgiving. “Karma” therefore, is nothing more than false [narcissistic] notion absent a righteous intention of heart toward another.

Disclosure/Disclaimer statement: Please be advised that the writer does not endorse, nor is an affiliate of any third party boxed advertisers that may be displayed on any of these blog posts. Please be advised that 3rd party advertisers may use cookies to scan your computer for marketing purposes. You are of course free to engage with any of the boxed ads appearing on these blog pages, which may or may not obtain your personal information upon clicking the box, however, do be mindful that it is your choice to associate with these links. The writer is not responsible for any adverse effect your engagement may have on your private information.

Like this:

Every woman’s heart is deserving of a ‘fairytale’ Love. Imagine that! A belief of heart worth bringing forth to be meant to just be where broken is its own kind of beautiful.

Happiness is to love and to be loved. And yet, how many souls do truly feel loved—the ‘something’ to have without reason for logic aforethought: A ‘something’ of faith: A faith of knowing. A ‘go with the flow’ mentality necessary to evolve to allow the ‘self’ to feel the ‘something’ that is real!

She feared a listening to her own ‘voice’ — feared that the pains of her soul would bleed out the tears of many lives hidden of the words waiting to be spoken through the silence. She summoned a courage of ‘understanding’ of question of ‘What has been the most important thing you have done in moments of life-times?’ She already summized an answer, as she is a survivor of Love’s ‘tests’ of endurance, because after the scars, she stilled angst for love.

A woman’s intuition is sincere, and even when made ignorant for a time of Love’s blinding. She chooses to love Love always, and even in an eternal tiring of trying, as she cannot easily give up on love so wantonly desired. She will attempt discovery of means of acquire as she wills a world of her own desire— giving wholeheartedly to Love’s rhythms as it tares down the walls of distrust in unending attempt at rebuilding her pieces continually falling at her feet. She waits for the melting; a smile that tells her he needs her. A trust in his eyes that says he will never leave her. The touch of his hand in hers that says he’ll catch her when she falls. A lust for repetitive kiss of ‘because I love you’. Until the moment of betrayal comes— he lets go of her hand, he pushes he away with indifference, and kisses her no more. He hears nothing at all through her tears lost in a seeking of Love’s seeming unreason. All this, she does endure for want of Love to make love to her like the storm ravages the ocean!

Is ‘the devil’ of mind delusional? Is the ‘God’ of hearts an illusion? Faith, is choice made clear of reflections of choosing direction— be it negative thoughts of impending loss of worth by idiocy of hearsay, or be it positive thought for the keeping of heart of understanding Love’s way for growth and preservation? Is not Love a do or die challenge of worthy battle for Universal soul sake?

Perhaps . . . Love designed her for contentment for a time in aloneness.

Perhaps . . . ‘something’ of the Universe desires her for a purpose as it whispers in her ear,“I am sorry for your rain of pain, but it must be this way for sway.”

Dearest Duke: ‘Move’ your Princess wisely, or lose her entirely.

Dutiful Princess: Let not mankind give you unreason to think you are not of ‘substance’. You . . . are given in loan for Love’s greater sake! If many are un-worthy, have no doubt in your faith that many others pray you walk in love their way.

Perhaps . . . for many, love comes in pieces in a noisy world. One must be willing to lose connection with people, places, and things that create all the noise in order for the peace of Love to flow freely from the broken pieces.

A private conversation in Love’s sway, is a soul quenched of a wound.

He asks: “Does Love truly exist?”

She answers: “Love is an adjective and a verb moving all matter of noun. Love, is the what of who you are of what you do, and of what you say or don’t say; a word of meaningful connection to just being. Thus, it is meaning what you seek. Love, just is— the same as always been.”

He asks: Well, if we marry, will we ‘find’ meaning?

She answers: Dependson your life perspective. You won’t ‘find’ what was never lost. If you ‘find’ that there is beauty in life, then Love’s meaning is self-evident. If you keep ‘looking’ for Love as a thing to grasp, you will never ‘find’ it, because Love just is and was never lost. What you must ‘find’, is yourself . . . Love is there first; a way of being, again to just be. To love yourself first, you must dare take off the mask given you at birth by ‘systematic society’. You will ‘see’ and feel Love everywhere and in everything if you do this first! Once you rid yourself of the mask, you’ll want no more to hide behind it! All truth will be revealed immediately: A joy of all Love released from its imprisonment of mindlessness!

Simplicity . . . is where Love resides! No need to seek it! And even through the proposed and created masks of broken-heartedness, Love remains faithful to YOU! The one thing of life you can be sure of is that a meaning of faith is simple . . . faith is about belief in Love’s presence in all things believing in YOU . . . despite all else!

Q: What is mortal sin?

A: Mortal “sin” is what it is, the sins of mortals’ lies and ties created by the wicked ruseful who do knowingly and willingly betray their fellow mortals: A convincing blindness assured given of mask to uncertainty and unreasonable illegitimacy of perplexing complexities of intentional stagnation of individual imagination’s creation of perfected evolution . . . over . . . and over . . . and over . . . and over . . . and over of each new berth unending, until each can deny no more the ‘voice’ of thought within of whisper to ‘take off the un’god’ly [ugly] mask of unknowing shame’! “Sin”, is a thing of mere mortal’s sole unsoulful doing by choice! Nothing more than human drama of dogmas having nothing to do with a ‘God’ of all things created of love!

She, one of continuous counting of many, is overdone with lies and contrived controls of mass mania vested in mankind’s religions and politics; words of ‘other’ [hidden] meaning professed through dillusion! She, comes over and over, holding a divine Love close to being in spite of mankind’s own ‘evil’ inventions of spiritual reckage!

Give her simplicity and she’ll be fine! The Earth the beach the beach house and wine! Please take note of the sign on the entry-way door strunned in pink cockle shells and clay purple turtle bells: “WELCOME: NO mask of TV governed-mentality to ruffle your hair! Please do leave un-smart phones on the veranda chair!”

A reachable DREAM come true . . . IF . . . she frees her will to know an experience has no mask!

Disclosure/Disclaimer statement: Please be advised that the writer does not endorse, nor is an affiliate of any third party boxed advertisers that may be displayed on any of these blog posts. Please be advised that 3rd party advertisers may use cookies to scan your computer for marketing purposes. You are of course free to engage with any of the boxed ads appearing on these blog pages, which may or may not obtain your personal information upon clicking the box, however, do be mindful that it is your choice to associate with these links. The writer is not responsible for any adverse effect your engagement may have on your private information.

Disclosure/Disclaimer statement: Please be advised that I, Eileen P Carry, do not endorse, nor am I an affiliate of any third party boxed advertisers that may be displayed on any of these blog posts. Third party advertisers may use cookies to scan you computer for marketing purposes. If you choose to engage with any of the boxed ads appearing on this page, which may or may not obtain your personal information upon clicking the box, be mindful that it is your choice to associate with these links. I am not responsible for any adverse effect your engagement with these advertisers may have on your private information.

How blessed we know we are when given so many good and truly amazing siblings who do stand proud with us on this earthly plain of experience. They who teach us all we will need to get through the ‘testing’ of heaven and hell’s intertwining as we seek the light leading us home, and even as they too, experience the burdens given of mental and spiritual temporal ‘demons’. With my own outer armor made toughened by circumstance, I do still stand silent in defense of inward heartaches. At times, I am silently sensitive toward mean and condescending words and actions of others. I must have stepped forward before my ‘God’ in the beginning and in the knowing of impending fear as I plead my case for extra courage. I must have expressed my want and need for an army of Angels to guide me in their light at all times to accompany me in the battles of shadows of self-loathing offered by those of misunderstanding heart while I too, was expected to learn humility. A merciful and loving ‘God’ did give to me in my plea an abundance of unmerited grace in form of a multitude of keepers—Angels protecting me from the offenses of an obtusely un-reasoned reality. Steadfast of love they are, and do stay firm of conviction as was promised, and so to ’til the end of my days they sure me up with blessings as I await the anticipated passing through the intimate veils of eternity. Unconditional love and wise words from these my Angels have set my heart free, because they love me for me—the I of I am of fault and flaw.

I do know the whys and ways of Love, because I have learned to love so deeply. ‘Demons’ due taunt me, and have taken due Love from me, but never can they sway me completely from Love!

I pay full attentions of heart to my mentors given of life, and I am always the ‘student’ of the unconcealed ways of ‘being’ from them.

“Carry-on is what we do, only we don’t have to do it alone.”—Maya Angelo

It’s all about the lyrics! I love my tribe … there would be no ‘home’ without them.

Catherine .♥. (Wednesday, July 25, 1956)

Cathy … you will always be to me, and as sure as to know you is to fall in love with you. I always remember to bring my hard-held sense of humor to your table of shenanigans. You are surely the double-edged lathe of heaven. I can’t recall a time in life that I was not under your spells of both laughter and madness. I still wear the scars and badges from your whip of choice . . . your tongue! Even in my most seriously sad moments of childhood, you did take all things to heart—the good the bad and the ugly, and even in your reviling of us at times as older siblings do. There were many times that each of us experienced great sadness—at seemingly hopeless ends you extended your protections. Strut you did your proud-ness before me, gave me that gentle but forceful shove at the back of the head … or a gentle pull of the hair … or a tender punch on the shoulder and say such things like, “What is your problem?! Do you think you’re the only one in the world that has stupid things to deal with?! Get the hell up and stop being a crybaby … you’ll be alright!” I know I was a crybaby, and a very small and sensitive child. A mere name-calling would set me off on a self-pity tangent for a week. I never doubted for a moment that you endeared yourself upon us. You had a gift for making us ‘see’ that the seemingly hard and hurtful things were no more than a trivial incident of moment. You told us jokes and made us laugh, or, you would do something clear off the wall without warning and get us both into trouble just for a few more good laughs just to let us know we were not alone in our troubles. You most assuredly did put me in a place of content in an atmosphere of discontent. You were ruthless, cunning, and courageous in the face of any aggressors who sought to do us harm. Cathy … you are truly an amazing loving, brilliant, and resilient soul! You forced me to not only face my own fears, but more importantly, you’ve shown me by way of your own actions how to overcome fear by simply staring down the lack of face-value of fear. I learned to acknowledge its presence, but because of you, I have also learned how to move through it laughing as hard as I could. You will always remain the stronger one. You took upon yourself the burdens of our rough childhoods, and in so doing, you also took on an enormous responsibility of teaching us a meaning of survival being in the sacrifice. You are an earthly light that kept lite my own—given of Divine Love for those who would always need your guidance through an often times overwhelming hell. I know you will laugh and call me corny as always … but I love you so very much. I proudly wear your spirit upon my heart where you touch me deeply. You are my witness—one who sees me at my best and my worst and who loves me anyway. You bring me my smile when lost, and even in the darkness, and allow my tears to flow freely when hidden. I have grown to love and appreciate your tough exterior along side the light within that shines brilliant in ways of coping with unfairnesses of life. You are as soft as a marshmallow at heart, in matters concerning those you love. You are ‘God’s’ way of letting me know that I do not walk alone through this often times hardened dark chaotic world. . .♥. .

Elizabeth .♥. (Thursday, August 15, 1957 – October 11, 2011)

Betty … you will always be to me. Make no mistake in what you see when peering upon her angelic face, as your first instinct of her would be correct. She wore her heart with soulful unbridled determination. Indeed … no never did one dare tell Betty that she could not do a thing, and all who knew her, knew she would surely prove you wrong while she feed you back your own words without honey-coating if you dared to disagree. The harder the game presented to her, the deeper the challenge of fortitude she showed. Never tell Betty the ‘no’ word, as surely, this always meant ‘yes’ I can and you can’t stop me! She was one tough cookie, but at the same time would offer you all that she had in your need of it. Beyond her tough exterior, Betty could soften up when you spoke of happiness, dreams, and desires, but quick to anger with you if she thought you allowed anyone to treat you badly, “It’s your own fault if you allow anyone to treat you like s***!” You could do nothing when her spells were upon you, and on her terms—she was brutally honest with her words, even if it meant she knew she had to be tough with you for you to ‘see’ things clearly her way. Through our childhood and into one adolescence, in most cases, my words would get us both into trouble. It was always Betty who would literally drag me away from harmful situations, and with her hand over my mouth while telling me straight forward in insistent whispers and finger pointing in my face, to “shut up!” “Listen!” Her approach was for you to follow her lead for everything to be alright. I remember so many days of feeling anger mostly out of my own hurt feelings given from others. She took hold of me when I was relentless in defense of my words. Betty was the wiser, and knew she was saving my skin from a good ass whipping! Betty would literally pin me down, get right in my face, and tell me, “I know you’re angry, but you have to find it in yourself to pull back on it sometimes, because nobody feels your anger but you. You’re only hurting yourself … no one else. They don’t feel what you feel, but I do! Let me take care of this!” Betty was a champ at just knowing what needed to be done, just at the right moments, and did it! She was a true to life Guardian Angel who protected me from harms of the heart caused by others. She would give me all she had graciously, just to see me calm and happy, and expected nothing for herself for it. She would take over bad situations like the leader that she was. Her way was to leave the ‘enemy’ looking down at their two feet in shame for their actions. I was proud of her so many times I cannot even count. Betty was fearless, and had a gift of just knowing how to put one to shame for their wrong-doings to make her point known … which was to make the perpetrator ‘see’ the wrong of an action no matter what cost or how hard she had to fight to be convincing. Betty did not mince words. In moments of challenge she was strong in fortitude and patience—the very means for our survival. We are at heart, and always will be, true sisters. Even though we were already bonded by birth, I did even cut my finger to mince our blood in sacred bonding. My heart is indeed heavy with missing her, but I am aware of her spirit always, and I do know she waits patiently our arrival to complete the circle to be with her. . .♥. .

Margaret .♥. (Sunday, June 14, 1959)

Peggy … you will always be to me. An Angel so true—given personally and Divinely for lessons in compassion, tolerance, and a meaning to give to true love’s existence. Forgiving by nature is who you are, patient at all times in loyalty for love’s sake. I have many memories of you Peggy, some more prominent than others as we shared the line of middle position. You were born an undeniably cute pudgy-cheeked baby with smooth ivory white skin, big blue eyes and a crop of curly coal black hair. Easy to get along with, always in a happy mood, could wipe a frown from any face in an instant with your enchantment of smiley charms. As we grew older, and as siblings do, I did indeed begin to convince myself to be so much older, and felt to be much more experienced: A childish ego of sorts taking the better of me. I had taken on an enormous dislike for you. I do not know where it came from, but it did come. Even our babysitters’ picked up on my attitude toward you, and as punishment, always made me hold your hand for hours. Ironically, you relished in the moment. You Loved it! I could see both a satisfaction of retribution and love on your face, and I of course hated it! You and your raggedy appearance, long stringy black hair, dirty shirt and all just put such a damper on my much more seemingly sophisticated ego. You followed me around everywhere, mimicking me in everything. You seemed an annoyance to me in all things, all the time. I do have so many bittersweet memories of us. I remember a day in particular when I just abruptly turned around and lashed out at you about your unwanted stalking efforts. I even remember where. It was on the sidewalk between the Mercead’s home and the Gonzales’s home. I screamed at you to stop following me. I was, well … ‘evil’ to you in those moments—hurting your feelings to the core was something I wanted to do and knew I had done just that. You looked at me straight in the eye with total surprise—stunned I’d say, and I could see tears swelling up in those sad glassy beautiful big blue eyes. Your words, I did hear in such a quiet voice, “I just want to be your friend, I want to be just like you, that’s why I follow you.” I really did want to continue my ‘shunning’ of you, but I just couldn’t. You melted my heart completely in time. For the second time in my life concerning you Peggy, I saw in your face a most valuable thing; an admiration given to true love. I didn’t let on at first that I was dumbfounded, not completely understanding my own feelings initially, but I did know that a life-long friendship was to be; an untouchable loyalty toward whatever ends. You are loyal at heart to the things most important to you, and so readily forgiving from the first ‘I’m sorry’, unconditionally—and even without complete understanding. I loved you totally for you in that moment, and love you always. You have not only shown me compassion, but have also given me a gift—very honest and true words I needed to ‘see’ and feel, enabling me to let go of my own childish selfishness. All I wanted to do was to take you home and clean up your sad and dirty little face. I wanted to wash and brush your long and beautiful black hair until it shinned like the sun that you brought into my life. I did hide my overwhelming feelings for you that day—I did cry that night, because I felt an eternal love for you: A love that could never be broken. I know I have already given you my apologies for my ugly behavior, but I can never say it enough—you are my mirror shinning back at me. I am truly grateful for you in my life. I love you so very much, and I would be totally less than whole without you. . .♥. .

Veronica .♥. ( Tuesday, April 11, 1961)

Ronnie … you will always be to me. Always straight, upright, and proud heart-ed. And still you remain a woman whose loyalty never wavers. We dare not hurt you with betrayal, as we will be assured your quick and swift tongue, until a time of your own choosing to forgive. We know that you will neither tolerate, nor accept disloyalty, as honesty is your nature, your devotion given openly to everyone you love and trust. And you expect no less in return. This we know is of utmost importance to you. As one of my younger sibling, a position you held proudly, you never held back your sense of personal responsibility of protections, above or below the line. You had our complete trust, and we had yours, in unworthy abundance. We had our fun together, as we partook in and carried out along with the crowd in our daily shenanigans, but it was your badge of perpetual trust and honor that we held high to lead the way. At times of course, we would be ‘caught’ at our own ‘game’, but, always guaranteed was peace of mind in matters of your loyalty as we entrusted you with the evidence of our foul play. Our very own special and unsuspected lucky charm. The enchantment of your smile would set us free. You were our collaborative ward off trouble weapon; a personality easily steering blame away. We did take your loyalty to our advantage—make no mistake, as you delighted in our complete trust of you, our very own ‘radar’ against anyone who dared lie to us. Your unequivocal judgment of lies and truths we taken seriously, and we coveted your innocence to ourselves. Yours were gifts of charm, grace, and loyalty. The rest of us could only hope to master these attributes in a lifetime. You were quite simply, treasured. As a small child, you were not even able to tell any of us a lie. On occasion, you would be caught with the ‘goods’, the ‘evidence’ on our behalf, and you were so very proud that we entrusted you with such position of importance. I do remember also, at times, your honesty backfired, as you just could not lie even to our parents. Still, and even in your innocence, you never pointed a finger; never did you ever give name to blame. Fearless that you were, you took all blame upon yourself, withstanding consequences. Despite how trivial this may seem now, make no mistake, you had our full admiration for your ‘God’ given qualities; qualities that touched us deeply upon witnessing such fortitude. Despite our rough and tough exteriors, we always had our Ronnie to make us shine like saints. You took such great pride and delight in your place as you danced for us a dance that was ours, and for no one else. Ronnie, you truly are a delight of heart. We do love you so. No one was ever a better playmate, nor more loyal a companion. This has not changed of you. Do know that hearts were broken upon being left to the past; those days of our childhood separations. Every one of us felt that shooting pain of anguish. Our thoughts were that no one else could ever possibly be more deserving of you than we were. We appreciate your sweet nature. We Love you forever. Make no mistake in our jealousies … we never wanted to share your charms with another. Our Ronnie, a light of truth and grace. At times of trying childhood, you were the only light we had. ..♥. .

Thomas .♥. (Thursday, October 11, 1962 – October 5, 2011)

Tommy … I will always call you. Born a beautiful baby boy with brilliant blue eyes. A Hugh smile seemingly painted upon your face. Never have I ever witnessed you offer ‘judgment’ of anyone, for any reason, at any moment—hearing only from you words of fondness for others and your observances and perceptions of goodness you saw in every one you met. Everyone around you felt love, and even when no words were spoken, and even in your own times of sadness. All who knew you observed your quiet solitude. I have such wonderful memories of you as a very small and extremely smart endearing child. You had a gift of being manipulative in ways of playfulness. We happily tossed you about like a little beach ball, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle until all were left in tearful laughter. Your laughter was infectious upon us; an addiction that consumed us daily. Your sense of compassion was uncanny as you ‘read’ the faces around you so easily. So many many times did you bring yourself upon the lap of the saddest face in the room, just to give personal comforts. Love was what you were, and we drank from your precious cup as we allowed it to overflow into us. I remember how it broke your little heart to see another’s pain. You tried to ‘fix’ things in your own way with so many hugs and kisses given such that filled one up completely. All were comforted by your hugs. Tommy, you were our own little treasure and pleasure to have and to hold. Nothing was ever held in grief for very long in your presence. You had and shared freely your ‘bounce-back’ quality. Never think for a moment that we did not have admiration for you in this, as the burdens of life just seemed to roll off you back so-to-speak, made forgotten, and on to the next challenge! You did not waste your time on the mundane and unimportance of matters often reflective of ill-will. Always thinking ahead of the game was how you handled everything, and when things did not go your way, you would shrug it off and say, “oh well … guess it wasn’t meant to be.” I had only wished I had such quality of demeanor as I saw in you so many times. Even when seemingly at times you own life was out-of-control for a time physically and mentally. You held you head high as if to say, “I will get through this too”, while mostly keeping your troubles to yourself so as not to be of burden to others. Your were wholly about giving, so in your own time of having to take from others in your own need, I did see your personal ‘shame’ of it; a remorse and a self-collapse not easily reconciled. This was something that was tough for all of us to witness, as we knew it to be so unlike your nature. ‘Something’ malicious had touch you deeply, and I swear I did see your broken wings as a ‘demon’ took you from us for a time. A sadder day could not have been for any of us. I relish in hearing your memory … of laughter and words of wisdom, “Don’t take it so seriously … winning is not the ultimate goal in the ‘game’. What will matter most is your decision of what pieces you decide to move and when, and what pieces you decide to sacrifice and when … just to survive. keep always in mind that one pawn on the game board has equal chance of becoming a Queen as does the Queen, but only if you don’t initially look upon the pawns as ‘loser’ from the start. You have to ‘see’ they must all work together to achieve a self-prophesy; a satisfaction built in strategy of skill. Call it a miracle of teamwork and sacrifice toward the gratification for all”. You were four years my younger when you taught me this reflective lesson while teaching me to play the game of chess. I admired you so, and I miss you … but I know I will have the honor of your presence again when I see your beautiful face in our own kingdom … the one of us … the one we both have place in. . .♥. .

John .♥. (Monday, February 24, 1964)

Johnny … you will always be to me. A fair of face dreamer … lover of life who holds tightly to freedoms without limits. It is truly hard to place mere words on such an unrelenting soldier of honor as you, my brother John. Your name is admiration . . . your name is divine in our hearts. An inspiration to never give up the fight! In this lifetime, we did witness courage, and with yours did come a complete conviction to forgiveness. We are proud to be your sisters and brother! It seemed to us the harder the punishments dished out upon you, the longer you stood in your place in face of will’s battle as you did not look away. Equally, the greater the joy, the more you reaped all there was to reap from it, until all was deservingly taken. Those piercing blue eyes mirror your gentle nature to all who look into them—those who will see the eyes of the child of adult perspective where is held past misery and madness of blame for a father’s sins laid upon tiny shoulders. We know you John, and it is only through you that we are able to ‘see’ that it is truly the most innocent and loving ones who bare and carry the biggest burdens of and for others. John, you were so innocent, so kindly gentle and good; a pleasant child to behold, always remaining strong and courageous for others. All you ever wanted for yourself and for others is simple joy and laughter to be our best of friends, and laughter and love you surely gave through your perplexing puzzlement of personality. You were born to be an entertainer for happiness sake . . . you were born for us, giver of smiles and as well should have been allowed your gifts freely to give. We surely did allow it and appreciated every smile and greedily took all you had to give. The unworthy did not see your ‘Godliness’ … the passionate one inside you … the one we did ‘see’, your bigger-than-life spirit. You were our Johnny, and so much more of what was not seen of your graces by others—graces which still do shine upon anyone who is near to you. You have shared your intimate energies with us, and your energy we did feed upon for our survival. Your light will not be put out, as we your brother and sisters hold a great measure of your light within us: A light of inspiration … of encouragement … and of so much Love. . .♥. .

Donna .♥. (Monday, June 14, 1965)

“The Baby” … you will always be to me. Another bright Monday’s child fair of face and full of grace. Our very own ‘diamond-in-the-rough’ baby to have and to hold bringing gifts of hopes and joys badly wished for in extreme times of shared childhood anguish. Even though our sister Peggy did try to steal you away as her own (and really . . . who could blame her?), we greedily partook holding you little body close to touch your spells of joy placed upon our hearts in those precious moments. And precious you will always be . . . such simplicity of pleasures felt through a mere holding of you little hand in ours just to reap your complete love and trust reflected in your eyes as you gazed upon our face. I have overwhelming feelings when I ‘see’ you as a tiny child of my memories. You were a tender child born into an already hard-torn realm of emotions. Do know this Donna, it was you who held the Kingdom together in stilled moments of time by sheer gentleness of your nature? We so enjoyed bathing you … stroking your hair … gazing upon you … playing with you, and just being in your world so completely, all else faded away. A vision of enchantment and magic to behold and we were all under you love spell. We took such pleasure in mornings to look upon your face as it lit up at our very presence. You were the sunshine in all of our lives. There were so many moments that I will cherish … both happy and sad, and some more prominent. I remember a time so well, an utter and unbearable grief and seeming betrayal carelessly thrown to us all. Your tiny face I still to this day see. Sadness, is the word I see for a day in time forced on us to part ways. A day of great loss. A day of separation from you and my young brothers and sisters. I begged her … I pleaded in tears of anger for a change of her mind and heart. I do believe that she did have the best of good intentions within her own mind, but not in ours … not for you, and not for me. To remove you from my life so abruptly and so easily, was one of the most painful moments of my life. I lived a painful, angry, and helpless discontentment for a long time without you and our brothers and sisters. I could only describe it now to being like a stabbing pain of the heart. I know you shared the same. You held the very joy and hopes of my own heart in those days. It was unfair that those pains had come to pass, but always know Donna, you are of such immense measure in a bigger part of who I am. No one and nothing will ever take the place that I will always hold dear and deep within me for you. I have watched you move through life as best permitted. I admire the strength and confidence you cling to; always coming out the other end of heartache’s experience a better person. Your unequaled personality of sheer love for love’s sake has no match. You have walked many paths of seemingly no return, yet in merciful miracles, you did return, every time, with your love only furthered and none swallowed up. You did indeed win! You have blossomed even more beautiful into the wonderful person that you have always been; a gift to have for whatever time now allowed any of us deemed worthy to stand in moment with you. Your heart we do endear, as it has become more open and more loving, rather than been numbed or embittered in seeing much personal worldly pain. Hope illuminates from you … love is your gift given and readily taken by all of us, as it is ours to freely take: A gift graciously given by means of your birth. Love and hope is what we reap in these hard times, and so to on forward down through all generations as we continue to be so very much loved. I am at once moved to comforts given of hope by your spirit. . .♥. .

A reason for everything, so it is said. No surprise we are called, “Carry”. A name that reveals so much, so proudly.

I know I was the weak link. I know I was the one who cried and begged and carried on for mercy. Fear of everything was an issue … of not wanting to ‘go’ when it came my turn to learn appreciation, worthiness, forgiveness, love, etc … etc … etc … of being a good heart when all that seemed forthcoming was humility. I know I would have failed these lessons without my eternal companions volunteering their company to love me—to carry me through these ‘tests’ of fortitude. Love did follow me, without it, I willed have failed. I am forever grateful that Love is what I was born to in order to face life’s ‘demons’ of un-fairness.

I have a dream. A dream I carry with me. A dream of where I reside from whence I came. A dream of togetherness and not of separations as is suffered here. My dream is my personal “Heaven”; a place of longing and belonging. A place where joy exists freely uninterupted and un-compromised. I see only one eternity, and how could it be any other way, as I’ve already been given a just taste of paradise that did silence my fears through this earthly unreason.

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