Gin and tonic mad me do it, CO MIL (TRIGGER WARNING)

So, I did a thing last night.... I’ve been meaning to CO MIL. My marriage with DH (dear husband) has suffered a lot lately and much of it is due to his odd relationship with MIL. She is highly CO and treats her kids like friends more than maintaining a proper mother/child dynamic. She has a huge fear of rejection so she goes out of her way to make people like her. In short, she is very fake. She has encouraged DH (dear husband) to drink and drive WITH the babies in the car. I know he is ultimately responsible but I can’t imagine my mom buying me cases of beer when I’m supposed to be caring for my kids.

Not too long ago, DH (dear husband) and I were fighting and he asked her if he could stay at her house. We have been fighting a lot to be fair, so she told DH (dear husband) I’ll only let you stay here if you get a divorce. DH (dear husband) did not want to get a divorce but he is always going out of his way to please his mom and so he spent a whole day at the courthouse filling the paperwork. He was mad and blamed me for his mom forcing him to get a divorce. We are now in counseling for many of these issues but it does make me super angry that MIL (mother-in-law) feels entitled to meddle in my marriage and make decisions for DH.

There is also this really weird favoritism that MIL (mother-in-law) has with one daughter. It’s obvious, blatant favoritism. Recently the favored daughter came to visit MIL (mother-in-law) (stupid with Covid going on I know). My husband randomly popped in to say hi to MIL (mother-in-law) and offer to get her groceries. She told him she did not want him visiting because she is scared of Covid and then she proceeded to take all of DH’s belongings and set them outside in front of everyone. She basically treated DH (dear husband) like a dog and embarrassed the heck out of him, despite allowing SIL (sister-in-law) and BIL (brother-in-law) to visit and spend a few days at her house.

The past few weeks MIL (mother-in-law) has not attempted to FaceTime with her grandkids (DD1, DD2), nor has she tried to drive by the house and honk or wave. The girls haven’t heard from her in at least a month. Now I know it’s because she doesn’t want to bring up the awkward conversation of Covid and she is probably scared that the girls will ask to visit or spend time with her. When it comes to letting people down MIL (mother-in-law) will just avoid that all together and instead be sneaky and weird.

DH (dear husband) is constantly talking about MIL (mother-in-law) as if she is so sweet and caring and it drives me mad! I mean I can plainly see that the woman has major problems, I have heard her call the outcast daughter a b*tch for no reason at all! I have heard her judge many people for being like poor or unattractive, I feel that she may have a superiority complex and believes many people are below her. I told DH (dear husband) I was planning on CO MIL (mother-in-law) for the reasons mentioned and he was mad but I could tell he would never address any of these issues with her. Because he literally is scared of hurting her feelings, despite the whole divorce thing tearing at my dang soul. After a few gin and tonics I messaged MIL, told her that I plan on continuing the distance relationship long beyond Covid because she has not made any attempt to talk to the girls at all in a long time. I also explained that I would not put up with her blatant favoritism and it was wrong making DH (dear husband) leave all his stuff outside in front of everyone like he was ‘below’ them. Also, I mentioned how inappropriate it was for her to make DH’s big boy decisions for him and how it put me in a very awkward place.

She got really angry and flustered and I don’t think she knows how to approach any of this so she will probably sweep it under the rug and gossip about me like crazy. There is so much more going on here and I could write a book but I’ll just leave it for now. I do want to add that I noticed the favoritism she shows with her own children she has started doing it with my two girls where she clearly favors one over the other and it just grossed me out.

We’ve been doing this back and forth dance for so long and unfortunately things are really tricky with Covid going on. Thanks for the advice though, after writing this out I was like this is not a MIL (mother-in-law) problem this is a DH (dear husband) problem.

We’ve been doing this back and forth dance for so long and unfortunately th...

Posted
04/06/2020

We’ve been doing this back and forth dance for so long and unfortunately things are really tricky with Covid going on. Thanks for the advice though, after writing this out I was like this is not a MIL problem this is a DH problem.

It’s actually a you problem.

You are putting up with it and you are making excuses (Covid!) for continuing the dance.

I'm with PPs. Dump your DH (dear husband) when you can, although given current circumstances that might not be soon. But he's not being the partner or parent your family needs him to be. I hope he's able to have a better life independent of his mom someday, but that might not be realistic.

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