And everyone here with a N mother should celebrate your own adulthood in a way that feels appropriate. That will vary for everyone. And this hasn’t been smooth sailing for me. The other day I read about a kid, who shared a lot of similarities with me, who was killed by his parents. That in itself was heartbreaking. But it was like, the right circumstances to do that thing I do, where I really think about it and I know I could of ended up a voiceless statistic, I almost did. And it sent me into a panic attack.

So, no, I’m not miraculously okay. But I know what my strengths are, and I’ve been taking care of myself far longer than what was normal. I know I’m the only reason I grow as a person. I’m the reason I’m still here and why I am the person I am today. Nothing will take that from me. And I am happy to know other women who are stalker examples of what a woman, what a person, truly is. Not what I was told to
Believe.

RBN, TREAT YO SELF. You filled in the blanks for yourself, while most likely having to care for your mothers emotions as if she was a child and a spouse, all at once.

Take a bubble bath, do something for yourself today. Don’t pressure yourself to surrender any part of yourself. You’re you and that’s why you’re here. Never forget it.

I went on Thursday for some plants to avoid the Mother’s Day rush. My mom called and asked what my plans were Sunday. My plans are to have my kids help me plant a garden! She’s welcome to come (lmao she hates doing work, so she declined).

I made a Tony Stark bear, got my hair done, and I'm seeing Detective Pikachu today (everything else was yesterday). Because being an adult means you can do whatever you want within reason and damn what nparents think about it.

You earned a self love day. Yesterday i went shopping for some new gym leggings and the cashier said happy Mother’s Day. Couldn’t even bring myself to say thank you because i loathe this holiday so much. I just fake smiled and walked out.

Yeah I just has a customer ask me if I am seeing my mom. I blurt out "Texas" (my mom is there and not on my state) and ask what she's doing. Thankfully her plans were her family going to this restaurant I knew and I just talked how good their breakfast foods were. It was surprisingly painful but I was grateful to change the subject real quick.

Reminds me of a recent decision I made: I am allowed to buy one birthday gift and one Christmas gift for myself in lieu of having a mom or dad that would do it. I need to show myself love, I raised me, I deserve nice things!

This is exactly what I needed to read today. Just thinking about the fact that I came out of a woman that didn't really treat me as her own, and I have to call her "Mom/Mother"...? And that this human being I came out of decades ago, I don't even know this person very well. She's very much like a stranger.

I have been discovering a passion for cooking since I went NC, and last night I cooked myself a delicious rare steak for the first time. I had for some reason internalized the idea that grilling a steak was this difficult task that I couldn't accomplish, but man it was so easy and tasted so good. I have enough leftovers for lunch AND dinner today. I also have some chocolate to enjoy and am generally taking the whole weekend off to feel good about myself.

Best steak I ever made: rub olive oil on both sides, salt and pepper and some minced garlic on both sides, drop into a HOT pan, seared on both sides for two minutes, then pop onto a baking sheet then into a preheated 350 degree oven for about ten minutes. Gets a really nice mid rare temp with a delicious crust without needing a grill of anything fancy.

Best steak I ever made: rub of olive oil on with sides, salt and pepper and some minced garlic on both sides, drop into a HOT pan, seared on both sides for two minutes, then pop onto a baking sheet then into a preheated 350 degree oven for about ten minutes. Gets a really nice mid rare temp with a delicious crust without needing a grill of anything fancy.

That sounds really good! At the risk of sounding like a heathen, I'm actually not into rare steak -- lean more towards the medium well side. Either way, I've really just got to go for it. Maybe this is the week!

Just leave it in the oven a bit longer and it'll be more done! For a more medium well, cook it until the steak is firm with just a bit of give (press into the heel of your hand and that'll give you an idea of the firmness). :) most grocery stores will have deals on meat at the end of the day, keep an eye out. I recommend something with a bit of fat on it, especially if you do midwell. Itll keep it juicy and flavorful! Good luck!

Yesterday was my day. I did one of my favorite hobbies/passions for the first time since my fallout with my nmom almost 2 months ago. I shopped online and bought 12 pairs of shoes, a bathing suit, a spring jacket, and some tank tops. Then I gave myself a spa day with a sugar scrub bath followed by body butter, a facial cleanse, and a charcoal mask.

Today is my productivity day. A day of cleaning, laundry, cooking for the upcoming week, and organizing. I look forward to doing all of this. I have never looked forward to doing chores and taking care of myself like this since I moved away from nmom and became my own person.

Happy mothers day to you! Sometimes celebrating mothers day is celebrating without yours. I celebrated by going no contact with my nmom a few months ago, so on days like today Im not obligated to make plans with her, despite the fact that she was never really a mother to me. Im instead enjoying it with my kids, without her, and it feels right.

That’s a good idea. I’m too broke to buy myself much right now. But I think I’m gonna eat an entire bag of potato chips and watch cheesy sitcoms till I need to leave for work right now. I friggin earned it.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I never considered celebrating myself today, but I was definitely forced to parent myself, my younger sister, and to some degree my nmom since at least middle school. I can't wait to do some online shopping for myself instead of the obligatory mother's day call, which I just can't face this year.

Right!?! I used to comply to the obligation. And then I realized, I don’t have to spend money and sit through hours of negative nagging and berating. If one does not put in the work and joy of being a mother, she does not deserve a Mother’s Day.

I have no children (except the furry kind) and can’t ever have children anyway. I used to feel sad every Mother’s Day because it has always felt weird to celebrate my mom considering the circumstances and it felt so sad because I’ll never be a mother to a human.

I did sort of the same thing, I got myself the ice cream I’ve had my eye on for a couple weeks, some new plants for my garden, I’m relaxing all day and playing video games while snuggling my pups. And ya know what? You’re right. I raised myself, my older brother and my parents since I was a kid. That counts for something.

"You filled in the blanks for yourself, while most likely having to care for your mothers emotions as if she was a child and a spouse, all at once."

So true for me, too. It reminds me of this Bob Dylan song and I am sure some of you can relate:

"It Ain't Me, Babe"

You say you're looking for someone
Who'll pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
An' to come each time you call
A lover for your life an' nothing more
But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe

Love this!
My NM looked at me one day and said, how did you get raised, I said, I did a good job didn't I. I've been no contact for 12 years, her idea, she couldn't understand why I would take my husband's side and not hers.
I will jump on my favorite online site and buy myself a gift.

You know what, I absolutely love this post. I’m a little late on seeing it, but this was ultimately how I finished my day. I have always hated this holiday but a couple hours ago I took a nice bath and just made myself forget everything. I feel pretty content especially after reading this post.

My older twin brother and sister basically raised me. My brothers more of a father figure than my ndad and my mom neglected me over 80% of my childhood, maybe more. My brother died and my sister does nothing but work and party at bars. Fun times.

I went to surprise my mother on Mother’s Day and she cried. Our last conversation, about 4-5 months ago, ended in her telling me to get out because I confronted her about molesting me. I’m an adult and made the mistake of coming down to visit on a non holiday.

Today was a really hard day. I’m working on forgiveness but this doesn’t feel right. I can’t help but feel like if I was a girl and my father had done something, nobody would expect me to see them and I wouldn’t have as much trouble saying why I don’t want to see my mother or even talk to her.

She just beat cancer and nobody knows what kind of person she is in general. If I ditched she would burn a lot of bridges of mine with some otherwise lovely people. They’re getting old anyway. I just want a good inheritance.

My mom has done some covert sexual abuse to me and I’ve stayed away for a good while. I’ll never confront her in it because of how delusional she is. She knows what she’s done is wrong. Me spending any more energy trying to convince her of something she already knows but will never admit, will kill my sanity.

You deserve to be away from the people who hurt you. And yes, absolutely, there are double standards out there. However, I believe you and I think any half decent person should and will. And that your experience is valid. It is REAL.

Edit: saw her on Mother’s Day and she oh so casually “thanked” me for having “opened her eyes” to the fact this man she had been dating when I was a child was actually a sexual predator. But you know. Not an actual apology. Dude there are so many layers to that bullshit it’s thicker than a German chocolate cake.

I'm going to be drinking tonight and buying myself some nice displays for the pictures I've been wanting to hang up for a while once I get paid. I want my apartment to feel like a home, so I'm decorating it how I want, with no input from my extremely picky nmom.

That’s the most amazing feeling. And I’m sure your home is absolutely cozy and it will become more of a home the more time you put into it. I’ve been doing that myself too. It takes a while, but it gets there eventually.

NMom died of cancer a few years ago. Not sad about it. I get a few texts from people being like “hey this day must be extra hard for you”

Nope. Not even close to as hard as it was having that woman terrorize me and my siblings. My wife is everything that woman was not, kind, compassionate, and we’re celebrating her today because she will never put our daughter what we went through.

The two hanging plants are large Potho’s plants, below them to the right is a Monstera, and the one in a separate picture is a Hoya.

I really went ham, but in my defense I did it every single time she made my blood pressure skyrocket in the last two weeks. I look at the plants and they call me down. I think I could fill my whole house with them and that would be fine.

They look amazing! I love it! But I’m 100% biased because I’ve been turning my house into a jungle as fast as a possibly can. Between trying to be a decent mom and dealing with my garbage family, the plants are the best therapy!

I bought myself jewelry yesterday! I slept in today, spent time in the garden and with the dogs before going into work. And...Game of Thrones tonight!!! Tywin Lannister was killed on an episode on Father's Day, so I'm hoping to see a mother of some sort get offed tonight. It's little things like that make the day bearable.

This is now my favorite post. Thank you for this. I never thought of it this way. Scrolling through social media and seeing so many people appreciating their mothers this Mother's Day is so draining. Though I know the fallout of my relationship with my mother isn't my fault, I still somehow blame myself for it. That what if I did something differently, would we still have been in contact? Maybe. But I also don't want to pretend that our relationship is normal and like everyone else's who has healthy relationships with their moms. I don't want to go back to an abusive environment just so I can say I have a mom, but even telling myself that is hurting me.

Listen, as a child, you couldn’t have done anything to change it. You literally came into the world and she was already like that. If nothing before you could do it, and the miracle of giving birth couldn’t, then what could? Definitely not an innocent child who needed their mother to be there for them, and got the opposite. It was never your responsibility to fix her behavior. Even if it pains you.

I saw a good quote in an anime the other day and it was actually really serious and hit home.

It went something like this: I was bling to my fathers actions, because I wanted to believe in him. He was my entire world, and I needed to believe in him. But now I know the truth.”

If I find the real white I’ll update it. But wow. It was the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard

I’m cleaning the house in a sort of purge since my mother is in a nursing home for now. Then I’ll have some herb and watch Game of Thrones.

But you are absolutely right, we raised ourselves. And in my case, I raised my younger brother. For the first time ever and I think it is very significant to what he’s going through right now, he wished me a happy mother’s day. (I don’t have kids of my own.) So the sentiment really warmed my heart and helped me realize that I’m doing the right things during this tough time.

Sometimes just trying to autopilot through this day isn't enough so this is a great idea! I'm working later today but let myself sleep in and am doing some skincare stuff. Tomorrow is off and I anticipate N-email spam due to me "ignoring" her, so I'll be spending the time making a bitchin mozzarella chicken and transplanting my new succulents.

It’s a nice “pick me up” for sure. I can’t think of anything better to do than indulging I cooking and plants for the day. It feels extra awesome without someone putting down those things, hovering over your shoulder.

Dude holy shot I watch that too! There’s a podcast and another show I watch. Not all of it is exact, but some of it is, and it’s extremely chilling when it is.
A kid was killed by his parents in my county recently, and part of what was done to him was what was down to me as his age. I used to not think I’d love to be 18 and I never knew why. As an adult, it makes perfect sense, and that’s terrifying.

I sent nmom the first text in 6 months, basically telling her to go to a psychiatrist. She's terrorizing my entire family and I couldn't give less of a fuck because she or my dad don't know where I live since I've gone NC. After all the emotions are peeled away i was still able to tell her that I love her though which felt weird, i found its the best thing for me is to resent her illness/ the environment it creates instead of solely her if that makes any sense.

It makes sense. I told mine the same thing. She eventually went after it was set up for her, but she’s made no progress. It’s just a thing she did to shit other people up. Like she puts tokens in a machine and she gets what she wants.

Either way, saying something like that is saying your peace and that’s what counts.

Oh hell yeah, man!! My husband took me to my fave convenience store (folks familiar with St. Louis, it’s QTeeeeeeeeeeee!) for junk food, went thrifting and found some absolute treasures, got some new picture frames to hang up vintage ads I’ve been saving, and then grocery shopping.

My four kids gave me shit.

Then again, they are dogs. So I picked up said shit and tossed it, like a good neighbor.

You’re welcome! It’s such a hard holiday, so that’s more reason to spread more support.

It’s a black hoodie with white draw strings and a white zipper, with the image of a cluster of crystals on the front, and a large snake coiled around a larger crystal on the back. https://i.imgur.com/PBV6Eou.jpg

I gave every woman who has supported me in my life a massive shout out today and had a seafood lunch with my MIL today. I took myself out for hair and nails earlier this week to celebrate graduation, my birthday, and Mother's Day, and spent the weekend mentally giving my NIncubator the finger.

I like to completely disregard mother's day like my Nmom completely disregarded me. It's really satisfying when I realize I've forgotten about mother's day entirely. I'm like, "That was last weekend? Huh. Whadya know?"

Beautifully said!!! This honestly made me so warm inside reading this, so thank you for that ❤️ i went an did something for myself yesterday since i work today but i was still feeling kinda crappy today knowing what today is. I had told every person i know happy mothers day other than my own mother and it really sits heavy with me bc it fucking sucks and i only know whats to come within the following days bc i didnt say anything to her or do anything for her today.

I had a BBQ with my other motherless friends. It was a fun day!
My NMother actually texted my sisters each "reminders" that's it's Mother's Day today. As if she remotely deserves even a simple sentiment. One didn't respond at all, the other gave her a simple "thanks." That gave me a good laugh.

My NDad text me "Happy Mother's Day, love dad" trying to guilt trip me into texting my Nmum. Both of which I've been NC with since my Nmum made up drama that didn't happen after verbally harassing my son about his weight.
My son is 12, he doesn't need diet tips from overweight nasty Grandmother and I told her so. Weeks later my Ndad shows at my house furious that I have upset my Nmum by being rude to her. This all happened the week before my birthday when I asked who would like to go out to dinner to celebrate. My phone calls and texts were ignored by both parents, then spoke to GC brother who told me I'd have to seriously apologize to Nmum before she'd consider coming to my birthday dinner. So I cancelled my own birthday dinner with my parents and brother. I went out with my husband and 3 beautiful boys and have committed to being NC for the boys sake if nothing else.
I was tempted to send a text saying "Thanks for nothing," or something else smart, but I'm happy to just be happy and raise my beautiful family without toxic influence.
Meanwhile I know that my Nmum invited uncles, aunts, cousins, the entire extended family to a mother's day picnic in the park just to have an audience about how crap a daughter I am to her for going full NC.

This is such a good idea. In addition to Mother’s Day being about moms, I’m going to start celebrating it like my Welcome to Adulthood Celebration! Damn sure could have ended up institutionalized, in foster care, or any place else. And the reason it’s different is because of me. Sure did raise myself. This post gave me life. I might actually look forward to Mother’s Day next year.

Honestly, it’s just good. I was standing in my bathroom and I was freaking out about stuff and I was like you know what? FUCK IT. You don’t get to assault me and expect anything from me. And I don’t owe you shit.

Sorry for playing devils advocate, trust me my parents were shit....but you can't raise yourself from birth....it's literally impossible....maybe change the title to I raised myself since the age of 12 or something

She tried to burn the house down when I was about 2, that’s as far back as my memory goes, and I’m glad because honestly I don’t want to remember what else she did before I was able to retain long term memories. The fact she spat me out of her body and did the bare minimum of barely not murdering me (and not just once) doesn’t count.

If she truly had raised me, I’d be an animal torturing and killing, man beating, cult member to this day. Those were the “traits” she taught me. And to use men for their labor or money.

It was by my will that I learned anything useful and normal. It was my screaming that alerted the neighbors that something was wrong, and she came running back in to put out the flames because it was impossible for people to not have noticed at that point was was happening. The only reason I knew fire could kill me was because of Smokey the bear.

When she wouldn’t get up to cook I climbed at 4 years old on top of the counter to get the cereal on top of the fridge, and I pushed the chair against the fridge so I could get the milk out because I knew I had to eat or I would die. I made up baking recipes at 5 and made them myself in an oven. I could flip pancakes by age 7. Because bisquick was a miracle meal maker. And oats were universal.

When she dumped me on the street at 4, I knew I had to walk to my grandmothers house because I’d die. I knew someone as small as me would die if I didn’t have a caregiver, because I couldn’t work and I hadn’t started school.

Everything good I learned came from either someone outside of that, or because I knew no one would teach me., and so I taught myself. The movie Matilda might have had a lot of whimsical stuff in it, but the parts about Matilda raising herself aren’t a stretch. Plenty of children do. It’s why CPS exists. No one ever cared enough to call that number for me though. To no surprise, my family has hidden worse things before. Like child rape and molestation by elders in the family.

It happens all the time, and in a very literal sense. Raising myself is not something I’m proud of. No child should have to grow up that quickly. I was praised by adults on the outside as being “mature for my age”, I wasn’t. I just knew if someone didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done. I was a child operating adult responsibilities without the maturity or common sense to know when people were using me, yet. I wasn’t mature. I just was on auto pilot. Thank good for Sesame Street and mister Rogers, and reading rainbow.

Edit: my SO bad it worse then me in some aspects, no one ever taught him to brush his teeth. I taught him, at the ripe age of 26. His happened from neglect but mine was a mix of neglect and intentional isolation

Second edit because this is really interesting: I found a book about my birth, like a keep sake sort of thing. Around the age she tried to hurt me the first time, is when all notes about me stopped and she stopped taking pictures of me. I think it’s because I didn’t resemble a doll anymore. It’s interesting it also disturbing. Nothing about my likes or dislikes were filled in, my first words were left blank. To this day she tired to tel me want I like, but it’s what she wants me to like. You know, like a doll.

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