Lesbian Matchmaking: How To Turn Down A Second Date

September 1, 2015

By

By Top10BestDatingSites Staff

You might think online dating is the easiest, least heart-involved manner of lesbian matchmaking on earth. After all, you never meet face-to-face, right? There’s no actual, living, breathing, non-digitalized reality that you have to deal with. Wrong!

There’s that one girl. Your interests match. Gasp! She’s fun to talk to. Double-gasp! She’s pretty hot. Triple-gasp! And so you ask her out on a date. Or vice versa. Either way, you’re both lying on your beds with butterflies in your stomachs, wondering if you’ll like each other.

The Discovery

So, first date. Tentative smiles, tentative conversation. The ball gets to rolling, and midway through dessert you could be BFFs. Except... that’s just the problem. She’s a nice person, it’s true. Even if she does go on and on about the kinds of diseases puppies can get. When her interests included “animal lover,” you hadn’t really bargained for that level of technicality. But there’s no... spark. So after a while, and all throughout the after-dinner coffee, all you can think is: how on earth do I let her know that I’m not up for a second date?

It’s worse if you’ve been nice and sweet the whole time. What if -- and you’re mentally in anguish at this moment -- what if she likes you and wants a second date? It would seriously help if neither of you are feeling the romance. But if there’s some sort of a spark in her eyes, and if she’s starting to be more confidential and sweet towards the end of the date... your problem has just started.

Who Speaks?

Sometimes (a lot of the time), especially when it’s lesbians who meet, the questions never stop. Who invites? Who pays the bill? Who calls first? When it comes to after-first date problems, another one is added: who speaks first? It really just depends on who initiated the first date. That’s where using a website with online messaging comes in handy. Online dating sites like Zoosk have chatting programs that aren’t only easy to use, but can track your chat history in case you need to refer back to important details like who actually asked who out.

If You Asked Her Out

here’s a horrible, guilty feeling that comes with having been the one who asked the other out. So if you’re the one who asked the girl out, maybe you’re wondering, isn’t it rude if I’m the one who turns her down or doesn’t want to go for a second date?

Tell the girl that you’re glad you asked her out, and that you’re happy she has a passion to know all the possible puppy diseases known to man. Don’t deceive her and say you liked hearing about them--that might send the wrong message. And then tell her that you didn’t feel a romantic connection, and that you don’t think that you girls should go out on a second date.

There is no way to say all that without hurting her, unless she wanted to say the same thing back. But even if you have hurt her, be clear. Use absolutes. Don’t say “maybe,” or “perhaps,” or “possibly.” Giving false hope is a whole lot worse than turning her down in general. And if you see relief in her eyes, don’t be insulted! It makes the distasteful task a lot easier.

If She Asked You Out

If, on the other hand, you’re the one who was asked, your emotions are on the opposite side of the spectrum. You’re glad you were asked, it was so flattering and exciting, really... but even if you liked her online, you don’t like-like her in person. You just can’t put your finger on it, but you just know that this isn’t a lesbian matchmaking made in heaven. When women, straight or lesbians, meet the love of their life, they just know it. There’s only one difference in the way you respond. Instead of saying that you’re glad you asked her out, say that you’re glad she asked you out but you didn’t feel a romantic connection, and so on and so forth.

The Follow-through

Don’t forget, whether you or she asked first, that the person you are dealing with is not only a potential romantic partner, but a person and maybe a potential friend. Don’t be afraid to say that if you see one another someday, you should go out for a bite and a bit of an update. Keep in contact as friends if you want to. But unless you parted badly, make sure that there’s still a possibility for friendship hanging there.

What Now?

You might want to take a bit of time and write down what you’re really looking for in a partner. Be honest with yourself, and be as specific as you can. It’s not just a question of how to meet other lesbians for a next date. The better you know yourself and the kind of partner you are looking for, the more you can avoid such uncomfortable situations as declining a second date.

Using features like match.com’s highly praised algorithm, Synapse, users can find others in the community that are specific to their interests. Tools such as this are guaranteed to help you in your quest of how to meet other lesbians.

Whether you’re rebounding after being on an unsuccessful first date or looking for a new love interest, you’re guaranteed to have a good time with these other online dating singles.

Top10BestDatingSites Staff

The Top 10 Best Dating Sites staff are your guides to the world of online dating websites and services. The team navigates the world of online dating and share their findings to help readers find online dating success. Our team includes dating experts Laurel House, Ken Solin, James Preece, Erika Ettin, Nida Sea, Vanae Tran, Carmelia Ray and many more talented writers. Top 10 Best Dating Sites staff have extensive first-hand experience in: signing up for and using various online dating sites; researching the ever-growing online dating market; and copywriting and editing for various online and print publications about online dating.

Advertising Disclosure

This site is a free online resource that strives to offer helpful content and comparison features to its visitors. Please be advised that the operator of this site accepts advertising compensation from companies that appear on the site, and such compensation impacts the location and order in which the companies (and/or their products) are presented, and in some cases may also impact the rating that is assigned to them. To the extent that ratings appear on this site, such rating is determined by our subjective opinion and based on a methodology that aggregates our analysis of brand market share and reputation, each brand's conversion rates, compensation paid to us and general consumer interest. Company listings on this page DO NOT imply endorsement. Except as expressly set forth in our Terms of Use, all representations and warranties regarding the information presented on this page are disclaimed. The information, including pricing, which appears on this site is subject to change at any time.

For many lesbian singles, online dating has become the number one way to find love and romance. It allows women to avoid common pitfalls, such as being set up with someone simply because they are also a lesbian or not knowing to what degree our gaydar is accurate.

In the world of lesbian dating websites and lesbian dating apps, it can feel as if you are a small fish in a big ocean; however, that is just not true. These tools offer great features that allow for...

Designed to help users make confident decisions online, this website contains information about a wide range of products and services. Certain details, including but not limited to prices and special offers, are provided to us directly from our partners and are dynamic and subject to change at any time without prior notice. Though based on meticulous research, the information we share does not constitute legal or professional advice or forecast, and should not be treated as such.

Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.

This site is a free online resource that strives to offer helpful content and comparison features to its visitors. Please be advised that the operator of this site accepts advertising compensation from companies that appear on the site, and such compensation impacts the location and order in which the companies (and/or their products) are presented, and in some cases may also impact the rating that is assigned to them. To the extent that ratings appear on this site, such rating is determined by our subjective opinion and based on a methodology that aggregates our analysis of brand market share and reputation, each brand's conversion rates, compensation paid to us and general consumer interest. Company listings on this page DO NOT imply endorsement. Except as expressly set forth in our Terms of Use, all representations and warranties regarding the information presented on this page are disclaimed. The information, including pricing, which appears on this site is subject to change at any time.

Close

Our site uses cookies. If you would like to learn how to manage your cookies settings, read more about cookies here. Further use of this site will be considered consent.