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Haggard's Meth-Fueled Gay Orgies a Victory for Same-Sex Couples

Prominent Evangelical leader and country music legend, Merle Haggard, has resigned in disgrace amidst revelations that he frequented a gay prostitute for drugs and sex, thus crushing all conservative opposition to same-sex marriage.

I don't expect any uneducated cons or active military personnel to understand such complex logic, so I'll lay it out for you. Let's pretend for a moment that Haggard's behavior was "immoral" and "wrong", as he has been preaching for years. It would mean the entire Christian Right no longer has any moral high ground from which to oppose same-sex marriage, prostitution, drug use, bestiality - you know, all the basic human rights we progressives have always fought for. You see, it's fine to openly and shamelessly engage in behavior that you know is wrong, but to do it secretly and behind closed doors while encouraging the naive and impressionable herd to refrain from such activity is the height of hypocrisy. As Al Gore shouted from his motorcade on the way to the symposium on the
evils of the internal combustion engine, "JESUS HATES A HYPOCRITE!

That's why the Christian religion needs to grow beyond its archaic ideas about morality. If you don't have any morals to betray, then there's no way you can be guilty of hypocrisy. It's what makes agnostic progressives such as myself better Christians than any so-called "Christian Conservative" out there.

Comments

If you don't have any morals to betray, then there's no way you can be guilty of hypocrisy.

Never truer words spewed, Lar. That's why, while I was still a heterosexual male prostitute in college charitably working for free, I determined to always hold myself to the lowest standards possible so I would never be disappointed in myself. That way if I actually exceeded my moral expectations that was just icing on the cake.

Like I tell my friends on the other side of the aisle: "Look, you Victorian Rethuglikkkan Neanderthals, I have my standards and I don't raise them for anybody!"

The worst thing about the Christian Fascist oppression we live under is that it is apparantly illegal for two law abiding tax payers to enjoy a bit of "golden showers" fun in public. I mean, come *on* there is *nothing* in the Bible about that - they are just making this stuff up to stop people having fun.

Let's not forget Haggard was pardoned by then-Governor Ronald Reagan back in the '60s and released from prison. Let's not forget also that Ronald Reagan's son "Ronnie" is a ballerina (as if the name "Ronnie" itself isn't a complete tip-off).

Personally, I praise Haggard and Foley. They are doing to the Republican Party what I am doing to the NRA. I joined the National Rifle ASSociation so that I could vote for gun control legislation at each and every meeting. (It's well worth the savage beating I take each time.)

And that's what Hagley and Folgard are doing with the Right, destroying from the inside. With any luck, the Republicans will be tossed out during next week's midterm elections, and I won't have to move to Canada like Alec Baldwin.

Yes indeed!! Good news for we Enlyghtened Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves. Not only will the "immoral" behavior of one preacher make all 60 million evangelicals switch their votes from Re-Thug-li-KKKan to Democrat but now we also have someone on our side who has the street cred of being able to deal with that annoying Imaginary Friend of the KKKonservative KKKhristians.

This is in very poor taste, Lar. Not only did Hazzard betray the faith of all his followers, cause them to question their faith, yadda, yadda, yadda, but he Joooed me on the bill for all the meth and butt-plugs we shared over the years.

Let's not forget the crystal meth either. While Rush 'The Human Doughball' Limbaugh bloviates about the necessity of the 'War on Drugs', he's snorting cocaine off the naked rump of a 19-year-old gay prostitute. So, the Chimp and his handlers also have to surrender their position on illegal drug use.

I'm just waiting for evidence that a Repuke gave money to a charity. Exposing that hypocrisy will put an end to their hostility towards government-sponsored social welfare programs as well.

Oh yeah, what the hell was I thinking? You can't perform an exorcism without a Doctor in the house. Besides, we'll need someone to sew stitches once the Slashing Crucifix of the Demoncrats is brandished. I don't think I've heard "I'm a Christian" more times in my life than the last time I heard Harold Ford Jr. interviewed.

The team is in place. The Flying Nun, played by Kiki Dee, will be there to ensure that nothing really twisted and sick happens, like conservative gay massages or conservative drug use.

In light of this, I feel that God is speaking through his messengers to tell us that he wants us to surrender in Iraq, impeach and hang Bush, reinstitute Saddam, vote for gay marriage, depose the Pope, substitute Schori, and most of all, get that darned passage in Leviticus about buttsex out of the Bible!

I was hoping that today's news from Lar was going to be about how the rekillicans are going to steal the vote.

I voted this morning. On my way to vote, I saw a car stopped in the road with "engine trouble" at a red light, blocking traffic. "KKKarl Rove at it again" I said under my breath as I went around the stalled car.

Was it just me or were the other red lights mistimed to keep me from the polls? Or was that old lady driving 15 mph in the lefthand lane with her blinker on for 5 miles trying to subvert democracy by her lack of driving skills?

When I got to the polls they asked me for a picture ID! As I was getting it out I was waiting for the rethug gestapo to show up and tell me I couldn't vote.
But thank gaia it didn't happen.

I saw that one of my progressive friends working the polls. She was nice enough to give me 10 chances to make sure I voted for the right progressive candidate and put all of the votes in the box just to make sure that bu$h wouldn't steal my vote.

As I was leaving to vote at other polls I saw many buses from a.c.o.r.n pull up. we will see a lot of each other today. I knew that democracy was on the march and bu$h's dark army wouldn't get away with sealing the vote this time!

I'm all for not disenfranchising anybody of any race or ethnicity but ACORN has gone too far here in New Orleans. They actually contracted with several of our more powerful local Voodoo and Santeria Shaman and raised an army of living dead democrats to make sure that Dollar Bill Jefferson doesn't have to face a run off against an opponent that is both Racially correct and politically connected to the democratic machine. I really don't blame Dollar Bill though, the DNC tried to throw him under the bus for his little cold storage bank and the powerless republicans can't hold a candle to the power of Afro-Cuban undead voter armies. Besides you don't really need a soul to pull the lever that has a (D) by it, do you?