The List: 7 Jun 2001 (Issue 415)

Background Not much story, actually; the drama concerns a sexual, not romantic relationship. It's about two people (Kerry Fox and Mark Pylance) who begin their relationship with sex and can't get beyond that. Patrice Chereau (La Reine Margot and Those Who Love Me Can Take The Train) directs from the novel by Hanif Kureishi.

Smash Sex sells.

Bomb But so does romance, and this bleak film has little of that.

KNOCKAROUND GUYS

Pitch Goodfe/las. but, you know, for kids. Background Four sons of mobsters (Vin Diesel and Buffy's Seth Green among them) visit a small mid- west town to live it large. But these ain't known wiseguys (they‘re stupid kids) so. of course, they get into loads of trouble with the locals.

Smash Dennis Hopper and John Malkovich lend a bit of acting weight. and wiseguys are inherently funny

Bomb Yeah, but we've seen the Secrsese films and Analyze This and The Sopranos.

Background Australian pretty boy Heath Ledger (Mel Gibson's son in The Pati'iotl takes his first leading role. In this medieval adventure he plays a peasant who adopts his master's identity when the knight suffers an untimely death. There follows much iOListing between knights in shining armour. to a soundtrack featuring . . . ‘.'.’£llt for it . . . Queen. Smash Should be a dreadful air guitar lad's actioner, but Freddie Mercury's howls and Brian May's riffs work in a wonderfully kitsch way. No. really.

Bomb But where's the realism?

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EU, TU, ELES (ME, YOU, THEM) Pitch The next Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (but without the kung fu). Background Another foreign-language film being marketed to mainstream cinema audiences, following Run Lola Run and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Eu, Tu, E/es is a comic romance based on a true stOry about a woman and her three husbands co-habiting in a small house in a poor Brazilian village. Smash Went down very well as last year's Edinburgh International Film Festival.

Bomb As the wise woman said: always watch for The Curse Of The Subtitles.

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CATS AND DOGS Pitch Live action Tom And Jerry.

Background Cats and dogs go to war. causing extreme havoc in the domestic enVironment. The Joke here is that humans are obliVious to the lii-tech skirmishes that have been raging for years in our homes. Hey. it's a cold war.

Smash State-of—the-ait CGl animation combined with Babe-like animationic effects ought to proVIde the ingredients for much fun. Plus. it'll be amusing to see which side audiences come down on: are you a cat or dog person?

Bomb But can anything top Golden Age Fred Ouimby-produced Tom And Jerry cartoons?

JOE DIRT

Pitch Adam Sandler-style comedy.

Background Trailer trash dude Joe Dirt goes in search of his long lost parents who abandoned him as a child at the Grand Canyon. But seeing as Joe's stupid (like. heh, heh. an airhead who loves rock concerts and stone-washed JOHNS). h 5; search proves more diffiCult than he theiight.

Smash Adam Sandler hit the top spot on more than One occasion playing idiot heroes. and fellow Saturday Night Live graduate Davrd Spade has already scored big bucks in America; yOu might recognise his veice as the dude leader from Disney's last film, The Emperor 's New Groove.

Bomb Sandler may have used up all the box office gold allocated to films With dumber than dumb heroes.