Heather Quiroz

Many of us work with people very different from us. Our supervisor might have very different expectations of how ministry should look. They may also have different life experiences they bring to table, giving them a different approach to how they relate with people. This affects how you do ministry together and can very quickly become extremely frustrating, especially if you’re not communicating well.

Communication is so important. Keeping an open heart and mind, not allowing negativity to fuel your relationship with the other person is key to keeping harmony within the relationship. Unfortunately, more often than not, our own personal fears and insecurities play themselves into how we deal with our work relationships. Sadly, this is even true in the church.

Does your Senior Pastor have a strong personality, and you’re afraid of conflict? That’s a quick recipe for disaster. Does your supervisor have unrealistic expectations of what your calendar should look like? Chances are, if that’s the case, you won’t stick around very long.

Workplace harmony within the church is rare, but it is key to a flourishing ministry setting. Without good, honest, and sometimes hard communication among staff members, the leadership will suffer, and things will eventually break down. Either someone’s feelings are going to get hurt, or it may get so bad that the only option is to leave.

How can we keep our ministry settings healthy so that we don’t get to that point?

I can’t stress this one enough. When in doubt, communicate and then communicate some more.

Be humble. Be the first one to ask for forgiveness and create a place where you can talk openly about ways that you feel hurt or misunderstood by the other person.

Become a great listener. A lot of our problems arise because we just don’t listen well. We’re quick to try and fix the other person, insert our spiritual wisdom or interject our point. Instead, we need to learn how to really hear people well.

Create an atmosphere where it’s OK and acceptable to be human; with struggles, brokenness and pain. I think sometimes in church leadership culture we’re not sure what to do with brokenness. Wrongfully, we make church leaders into people that are somehow without sin and struggles. We must remember that we’re not superhuman. We’re just people and sometimes, we struggle. We must be willing to walk alongside each other on a church staff when a crisis hits.

Foster an atmosphere of grace. Create a place where it’s ok to mess up. That is one of the things I love about working at Ministry Architects. I am constantly amazed by the amount of grace I receive from the people I work with. Although I don’t always get it right, my friends at Ministry Architects are always cheering me on with a tremendous amount of support. Without grace, we cannot survive long in the ministry settings we find ourselves in.

Let’s talk about it – youth ministry budgets. If we could all be honest, not many of us are rolling in the youth ministry dough. Most likely, you’re living on a shoestring budget and organizing, once again, the annual spaghetti dinner, pancake supper and car wash so your students can go to camp and have a new couch in the youth room that’s not from 1972.

When I was a kid my dad always told me, “Heather, money doesn’t grow on trees.” I wish my dad’s statement wasn’t true, because if it wasn’t, I’d ask for a youth ministry money tree this year for Christmas. If you know my dad, he is a very hard-working man. Every dollar to him mattered. To him, it wasn’t a dollar to waste, but one to steward well. You and I are in a similar situation, wanting to be good stewards of our youth ministry budget, but also getting really tired of all the fundraisers we have to do just to keep the ship running at full speed.

Contact local businesses to see if they can offer free things for outreach events. I can’t tell you how many free slurpees, ice cream cones and hamburgers I’ve gotten from doing this.

Do your research before you buy. Some businesses look to get rid of nearly brand-new stuff. I used to get day old donuts for free from the local grocery store and Panera Bread too. They give all their bagels and breads away for free at the end of each day. All it takes is a phone call and a quick ask. Other places are looking to sell nearly new furniture, too, for next to nothing.

Utilize your congregation. Does anyone own a business, work for the school or have a heart to go above and beyond? Keeping things within your budget is all about playing it smart. Building relationships and making connections with your church congregation brings people on your side. You’ll find more often than not, as long as you’re not just using them for free stuff, people will be quick to come alongside of you. I’ve gotten buses, hundreds of apples, trailers, tons of food, and school gyms all for free or nearly nothing thanks to this approach.

Find fun things to do that don’t tax your budget. Bringing in Lecrae for your next big youth event would be cool, but is it necessary? What about a local Christian band the kids love or something as simple as a dodgeball tournament or movie night? Kids care more about the relationships that are being formed than they do about the thing they’re doing.

Before you fire up the engines for the next spaghetti dinner, think about applying some of these principles if you’re looking to become a budget savvy youth ministry.

I remember as a kid how much I wrestled with what I would be for Halloween. Whatever costume I chose had to be the perfect fit. It had to fit my personality and no ordinary costume would do.

Minnie Mouse? No.

Superwoman? Eh, maybe.

A giant whoopee cushion? Yes, yes, that’s the one.

Searching for the right hire at our churches really matters too. We’re looking for someone who fits the DNA and culture of our church. No ordinary hire will do.

Here are some common pitfalls churches stumble into when they’re looking for the perfect hire.

The Anxious Hire. They get anxious, so they fill the need quickly instead of dealing with the tension of having a vacancy.

The Super Star Hire. They look for a super star personality instead of someone who would be a great fit for their church.

The S.O.S. Hire. They might be hiring with the expectation that this person is going to save their ministry. That’s way too much pressure to put on someone and they’re sure to crumble under the weight of it.

Here are some good practices to try out when searching for the right hire.

Take your time. It typically takes a number of months to find the right hire. Wait, pray and pray some more as you sift through resume and interviews.

Listen to the heart of your church. How will you know who the right hire is if you don’t know what the desires of your church body are? Take time to create space for people to share their dreams and desires for the next hire. Give them space to share about the things they love about the church. Finding someone who fits the church culture is imperative to their longevity at your church.

Gather a team of trusted people. One of the worst things that can happen is making decisions in isolation. The more trusted people involved in a big decision, the better. Make sure to recruit people with wisdom. Folks who desire unity. Leave the complainers out.

Set Realistic Expectations. Don’t expect your hire to save the day or turn the ship of a sinking ministry on their own. Set realistic expectations and set healthy boundaries for your hire. Give them the space to thrive and keep their priorities in order.

Did I Say Take Your Time? Don’t give into anxiety. Trust in God’s provision and wait for His hand to move and provide the next great hire for your church.

I remember one night I had six kids show up for junior high youth group. That’s right, SIX KIDS. Normally, we’d have around 25-30, so six was pretty shocking. A few of my leaders were making negative comments about where all the kids were. Instead of dwelling on who wasn’t there, I decided this was a great chance to love on who was there, so we hopped in a few cars and took a special trip to McDonalds for a few ice cream cones.

There is one thing I’ve noticed about kids; they don’t really care how many others are there, as long as they know they are loved and valued by someone in the room. A youth ministry centered on negativity will have a toxic climate. It will be difficult to grow past that, but youth ministries that celebrate even what seems like a total failure, will find joy in serving young people, because love is what drives them.

Ask yourself these all too important questions:

Is my youth ministry surrounded by positive stories or negative ones?

How is my attitude either positively or negatively affecting my ministry?

How do I handle a negative/toxic attitude in one of my leaders or students?

If nearly all of your kids were gone one night, how would you respond?

How you answer those questions deeply affects what kind of climate you create at your youth ministry. That’s right, the climate YOU create. You set the tone by how you lead, navigate negativity in leaders and students, and deal with what seems like disappointment. Learn to celebrate even what seems like a total failure, like six kids showing up at youth group or an outreach event that drew only a handful of kids. Sure, do some smart evaluation as to why only a few kids showed up, but don’t let negativity steal the joy that could be had for you and your students.

I’m someone who loves exercise and fitness. When I was in college, I even did a powerlifting competition one time. It was totally awesome. I showed up at this gym that looked like it had been pulled straight out of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s living room, and the guy who owned it was wearing zebra hammer pants and white high top shoes. Everything about it screamed OLD SCHOOL. Oh, I loved it. It was such an awesome experience, and because I was so big into weightlifting in college, one of my goals was to be able to do the bench for one rep with a 45 pound plate on each side. I guess I thought it would look cool? I’m really not that cool. Trust me; just ask the people who know me. Anyway, I set a goal for myself, and it took me a number of weeks of training and preparation, proper rest and nutrition. As my strength began to grow, I decided to go for it, so I threw those 45 pound plates on each side, grabbed a friend to spot me and went for it. It wasn’t pretty, but I did it!

Our growth in ministry is a lot like my preparation to hit my goal of bench pressing those two 45 pound plates. The reason it took me a number of weeks was because in order for my strength to grow, I had to give my muscles ample rest. Without sufficient rest I would over exhaust the muscle, which actually puts my muscles in what’s called a catabolic stage. This is the opposite of what I wanted to have happen.

I would like to suggest that many of our lives and ministries are in a catabolic stage, because we are not giving our lives the proper amount of rest. I’m not talking about the grab a bowl of popcorn, throw up your feet and watch 14 hours of Netflix kind of rest that’s just laziness. I’m talking about the life giving rest that is found in being with the Father. Imagine with me for a moment that God’s Word is like the nutrition that feeds our body during those seasons of rest to help us grow. Naturally, as I trained properly for my goal of maxing out at 135 pounds, my muscles grew. The same happens when you and I take a step back and make rest, Scripture reading and prayer a part of our daily routine.

The book of Isaiah says this, “In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and trust shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15). As ministry workers, we cannot thrive without rest. This past summer I learned an acronym that I have found to be very helpful when it comes to incorporating rest into my life. It’s a simple acronym taken from the word, “selah.” This is a Hebrew word that means to pause or give praise.

The acronym looks a little something like this.

Stop

Exhale

Listen

Ask

Hear

Stop what you’re doing, quiet your soul before the Lord. Exhale in stillness before Him. Listen to what He’s trying to speak to your heart. Ask Him what He desires most from you and Hear His words in the quietness of sitting in His presence.

Once you start incorporating more SELAH into your life, you’ll find that you’re able to give more towards your ministry, because God has poured His goodness into your life.

I remember when I first started out in youth ministry.It was all about the numbers.I felt successful when I could brag about the amount of kids I had showing up on a Sunday night. This gave me a false sense of validation and patted my growing ego.I soon found out though, that my ministry lacked depth and to be quite honest, I didn’t even really know the kids, because to me, it wasn’t really about relationships, it was all about results.

It took me awhile, but I finally got off my high horse thanks to some friends of mine who weren’t afraid to speak some hard truths into my life.They said, “Heather, you’re biggest concern is your image.Kids feel like your unapproachable, because you aren’t authentic.You care more about programs then people.”

Ouch, they were right.I had to humble myself in that moment and choose a new perspective on how to do youth ministry.Now, four years later after this confrontation with some trusted friends of mine the ministry has reached a point where we’ve grown in life changing ways.

You see, truth is, if a kid knows you care, it doesn’t matter how good your program is, because if they know they are loved, they’ll keep coming back.A kid can see right through an individual who cares more about the number they are in the seat, than the person they are deep down inside.The kids who enter through the doors of our youth ministry are longing to be known, accepted and loved.It’s when we make a conscience choice to stop running after our own egos and start caring about the individual that our ministries start to grow in making true disciples of Christ.C.S. Lewis says, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less often.”

Now that I’ve stepped away from obsessing about the numbers, God has been blessing our ministry with even more fruit than before and believe it or not, our numbers are growing too.

Here’s some questions to ask yourself to find out if you’re on the right track:

When someone asks you about how things are going in the youth ministry, what’s the first thing you tell them about?How many kids are coming or what God is doing in the lives of the kids that are coming?

When you have an outreach event what is your goal?To get as many kids as you can or to make connections with the kids that do come and have excellent follow up to get them plugged into the church after the event?

How do you define success?A big youth group or investing your life, energy and heart into a few students with results you might not see for years?

If you want to get some ooh’s and aah’s from the church congregation, go ahead and tote the numbers, but if you really want to create a ministry that will has a lasting impact on the kids who come into your ministry, start by humbling yourself.Then, start pouring your life into a few, creating an atmosphere of Christ-like love.God gets behind ministers like that and when He gets behind something His power and grace makes things grow.

“We just need more pizza,“ said, one of the parents in the room. Another one spouted off, “We just need to do bigger outreaches with lots of fun activities, that will get them here!”

As I sat there, fearing endless amounts of pepperoni pizza haunting me in my dreams and yet another concert, bonfire, movie night, or 5th quarter party that didn’t bring about the long-term outreach results we were looking for, I decided it was time to go to the Lord in prayer. Ironically, what came about, was more prayer and not just with me praying, but me praying with countless students every week for the next eight years.

As I went to the Lord I realized the best way for me to do outreach is not for me to expect them to come to me, but for me to go to them. Thankfully, I have a great relationship with the schools in my area. I’ve been a coach, mentor and volunteered at many activities that have helped me build trust with the school district in my area and so because of that, it made things much easier when I decided to get some prayer groups going in the schools.

Now, if you’re like me, and you love students, but often wonder what the best and most effective tool for outreach is, I’m a firm believer that starting prayer groups in your schools might be one of the best outreaches you could ever do. Here’s why-

You’ll meet kids who would never come to your church on their own.

After awhile, some of those kids actually start coming to your programming.

Then, those kids invite their friends, who invite their friends and multiplication continues, with little effort on your part.

Here’s how simple this extremely effective outreach is for my youth ministry. I show up with donuts and information about our youth program, upcoming events and bus ministry. That’s it. No joke, that’s really all I do. Now, if I show up without the donuts, the kids might tackle me and pull out all my hair, so I’ve never made that mistake. The great thing is, there are no countless hours of pre-planning or thousands of dollars spent on some band the kids barely know. I spend a few dollars a week on donuts, which I actually used to get for free from a local grocery store who gave me their day old donuts, but the groups grew to be so big that I recognized I needed to start purchasing my own.

Here are a few simple steps on how to get a prayer group started in your schools.

Talk to your students. Ask them to talk to their principal about starting a before school prayer group. At least in my area, any type of religious activity that is considered “student-led” is allowed within the public schools.

Talk to the administration of the school you want to get into after your kids have spoken with their principal and gotten the OK. Introduce yourself and ask what you need to do so you can help support the students with their prayer groups. Some schools require anyone coming into their school, whether before or after school, to have a background check and ID badge.

Once you get the OK from the principal, ask for a room somewhere in the school and set a time and day each week and for goodness sakes, don’t forget the donuts, you do like having hair after all, don’t you? 🙂

Then, spread the word. Tell parents, kids and blast it on social media and once you do get prayer groups up and running, take lots of pictures and post them on your social media pages.

Bring info about your churches ministry programs and seek to get kids plugged in. That’s the point after all, isn’t it?

Of course, don’t forget to pray. We gather in a circle and hold hands. Unless, of course, one of the boys has cooties, then the girls will just stand close to them. If a kid doesn’t want to pray they just squeeze the hand of the person next to them until it gets to a student who would like to pray.

One last thing, if you never get past step one, ask others to join you in prayer to open a door for you in your schools.

My grandmother is without a doubt one of the most influential people in my life. It is her love and devotion to God that has inspired me to be faithful and obedient as I serve and love Jesus. There have been many times when I have been faced with a challenge in life and I have been reminded of the steadfast faith of my grandmother who faced similar challenges in life, and did not grow bitter about her struggles, but grew stronger in her faith through them.

I am certain many of us could say the very same thing, as we reflect on our faith journeys, asking ourselves who has helped shaped our spiritual growth. I’m sure many of us will name older adults in our lives who pointed us towards God. Why then, do we believe the best way to do youth ministry is to segregate the generations?

Pastor David Wright says, “When we build youth ministries that don’t fold students into the life of the congregation, the unintended consequence is a future of empty pews.”

For years youth ministries operated from the standpoint that we needed separate youth services, so we created youth worship services, youth mission trips, youth bible studies and the like. Yet, now we’re finding our youth and older congregations actually need one another to encourage and inspire the church. Dr. Chap Clark in his book, Adoptive Youth Ministry says, “We must understand that youth ministry is much less about running a program and much more about becoming a family.”

Ministry Architects President Mark Devries also says in his book, Family Based Youth Ministry, “that young people who grew into faithful Christian adults had either one of two things going for them growing up. They either grew up in a Christian home where their faith was nurtured or had significant adult connections within the church that served as an extended family for them.”

If that’s the case then I would suggest if we want our churches to flourish together we must create opportunities and programs that seek to blend the generations instead of segregating them. Here are seven ways we can do that.

Hold a fellowship lunch after church where the youth sit with older congregation members. Provide questions and games for youth and adults to play together

Invite an older congregation member to share their testimony for youth group. Students need to hear the stories of faithfulness from adults who have followed Jesus for many years.

Launch a prayer ministry that unites the generations. Match up each older congregation member with a student in the youth ministry who commits to praying daily for that student.

Get your Senior Pastor on board. Cast vision to your Senior Pastor so they can start talking about the need of bringing the generations together, since for many years, the church culture has operated quite differently.

Be prepared to have some pushback, especially from older congregation members. I’ve had many of them say things to me like, “I can’t relate with those kids,” or “I’m too old for youth ministry,” etc. I often ask, did you ever raise a teenager? Do you have a grandchild that has been a teen? Then, you can relate with teenagers and you have something to share with them for God’s glory!

Recruit older congregation members to serve in your youth ministry. A couple of years ago I recruited a married couple that were 70 years old. The students love them. I love them and they fit right into the youth ministry.

Start sharing stories with older congregation members of what God is doing in the youth ministry. Keep them in the loop so they can celebrate with you and as you share, they might start seeking the Lord about getting connected into what God is doing in the youth ministry.

All of this will take a shift in culture, but I believe it’s the way of the future for thriving youth ministries. Don’t give in or give up, keep pressing forward, because God can do greater things than we can ask or imagine.

LATEST BLOG POST

WANT TO WORK WITH US?

Footer

WHO ARE WE?

Ministry Architects is a highly-skilled team of pastors, teachers, executives, youth workers, children's pastors, writers and professors. We're fanatical about success and we can help your church find clear direction and sustained momentum backed up by properly aligned resources.