Psych2LKIT

Month: August 2015

They are so focused on helping prevent metabolic syndrome related to antipsychotics that they are medicating us with diabetes drug Meformin and a new one called Victoza. They are rising up to meet the need. Apparently both these meds suppress appetite. What is good about this is that they are not addictive (unless you are addictive to being skinny) by that, I mean mind altering like Belviq, Phentermine, diet pills, Vyvanse, etc.

It’s tough when you have to weigh the danger of clozaril or Seroquel (et al) diabetes risk against possibly destabilizing your mental health. Very tough. I read all this in Psychiatry times. They had links to a huge endocrinology department but I had to go to the gym to help speed up that lazy metabolism and read the new York Times. Fun Fun Fun till my Daddy takes my T-Bird away.

Just trying to learn Movie Maker. I have an opportunity to help develop International Bipolar Foundation’s Vlogging department. I’m happy to continue transferring old acting, radio and copywriting skills! Look, I’d rather still be in the music business but you don’t always get what you want but what you need. My encyclopedic knowledge of music helps me to select instrumentals and lyrics like for example Everlast’s “What it’s Like” in the vids. But there is a lot to learn abour editing and adding these elements to a video. I wish I could find a local teacher! This time I have to teach myself. What is the easiest program for PC’s?

You are what you think. Most people don’t realize the power behind thought … but more importantly, how each thought has its own unique energy signature, which can be very powerful. Always remember that you’re a magnetic energy being, so that when you have a thought, it immediately gets lodged in your magnetic field, which is more commonly known as your aura.

When that thought remains in this field for any length of time, it often radiates out to be absorbed into the Universe. It’s easy to imagine what’s likely to happen to someone who constantly lives in fear that certain things will happen in their life. They’re consciously thinking about it, dwelling on it, obsessing on it, feeding their precious energy into it. Of course, the net result is that they end up sending that stream of fear-based thought out into the Universe. It’s like they’re holding up a sign above their head with a giant arrow saying: “Hey, come to me!” So, it usually does. Then you hear them saying: “I knew this was going to happen!” It’s not rocket science to see that we attract what we think.

For ten years I have lived in an unassuming 16 story building across from the beach in Hollywood Florida. Years ago I lived in Hollywood Ca, pursuing an occasionally landing parts in commercials, mainly. Unlike California, there are tons of these ‘boxes’ on the beach. Neighbors reside for years without getting to know one another. One time during a hurricane we camped out at someone’s apartment a few floors up and met some nice people,. Anyway, One of our elevators is broken.… I’ve ridden up three times with a middle eastern woman and her grandchild, I think. Clearly she does not speak English and I noted a wary expression in her eyes, so I tried to break the ice. “Where are you from,” I asked. “Perrrrrzzzia,” she purred. “Welcome,” I said, with a beaming smile. I don’t want to prejudge but it’s hard. I’m actually really interested in Middle Eastern Matters but I didn’t ask questions she wouldn’t understand. I asked her how many years she’d been stateside. “Oh, thirty or more,” she said, unable to finish the sentence in English. I understood. She left Iran when Khomeini took over and the Shah was deposed. All those years ago, when I lived in Los Angeles, the influx of weathy Iranians was such that it was jokingly referred to as Irangeles. Nowadays, the Persians in Los Angles call it “Tehrangeles”
Funny, isn’t it how a broken elevator can close the gap between distant neighbors and far flung cultures? Oh, and about that one working elevator…R U going up or down? Even if you don’t speak Farsi we’re all going somewhere so hop on in for the ride.

My Peer Mentor is very well intentioned. Thanks to him, I have finally discovered the ultimate cure and solution to my chronic pain and all life’s other challenges as a bipolar person with tardive dyskinesia: Buy a Juicer! Yes, folks, it’s that simple.

At a Behavioral Health Center nearby, I have a WRAP plan and goals that I discuss with my mentor. I was in a depression relapse and having problems with back pain. It’s a lovely center but after I got tardive dyskinesia and fell off of their volunteer rolls, they deemed I am no longer ‘stable’ enough to be a volunteer. This can only mean that God wants me to spend my time writing.

I’ve struggle with exercise bulimia my whole life. I’ve had more surgeries than an NFL linebacker, all in search of the body beautiful, which I thought would overcompensate for my other problems. Some mornings my back pain on a scale of 1-10 is an 8, really burning up, man. I use ice packs, Mobic, a Lidocaine patch and the occasional pain pill when life demands it. I can’t handle being all laid up. I’m only 54. But you know that these centers and mental health professionals in general think that if you have a mental illness, you should not be given controlled substances. You’ll become an addict!!! I have news for them. I already am an addict!!! That fact was established in the 80’s with cocaine. One I started I could not stop. That doesn’t mean that applies to Benzos and Pain pills. I am very conservative in my use,,and if they knew how many extras I have, it would make them very nervous and they’d cut me off.

Well, anyway, this is not stuff I share with my Peer Mentor because he’s already trying to be subtle about his absolute anti stance on pain medicine. He must never have gone through what I go through. Of course not, he’s not exercise bulimic, isn’t a former professional athlete and a weight freak. I’m on an anti-inflammatory diet, anti-inflammatory herb and drink tons of water. My Peer mentor didn’t think I was doing the right things for my low back, which is degenerated, herniated and has an annular tear they can never repair. The edges of it hit the nerves and..

“I have a great idea,” he said, “Have you ever looked into nutrition for pain relief?” I thought I already was. “I think you should buy a juicer,” he exclaimed. Dumbfounded, I could only nod in assent. I was laughing or crying inside, not sure. Now I see the light!!!

I’m confused though. I was already eating celery, radishes, kale, carrots, beets, lettuce, arugula and cabbabe in my daily salads, with avocado and that crunchy little white root vegetable, Jicama. How would juicing make my life suddenly transform. How will all the structural problems in my spine just disappear? Is it something in the noise of the blender? Please, Please, get back to me on this. Let me know and send me the links and other info on the best juicer for bad backs!

As I’ve written before, when trying to advocate, raising your hand to volunteer, etc, you may encounter rejection. Maybe it’s me, maybe I come on too strong. But one organization, International Bipolar Foundation, reached online at ibpf.org seems like a perfect fit. Right now I am compiling a list, a database if you will of drop in centers, advocacy groups, MHA offices and anyplace who provides services to people diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It’s interesting work and when you actually get someone on the line, they are usually nice and passionate about what they do. My volunteer coordinator and blog editor gave me this assignment and wanted ten names. When I told her that there were about 400 of these centers nationwide, she was flummoxed. See, they write this book, “Healthy Living with Bipolar Disorder,” update it annually and it’s written by a panel of experts from holistic to the most Western of Medicine.

I especially like the non moralistic approach to substance use, abuse and dependency. It lays out the facts, the ratios of risk/benefit and the possible consequence of huge financial costs, should you destabilize and end up back in the psych ward. That can be disrupting in many ways, especially if your meds are completely rewritten, if you are working and miss work or are just demoralized by going to the hospital.

I haven’t been in 15 years but I’ve come close. Because I have Tardive Dyskinesia, and many psychiatrists and neurologists don’t have up to date movement disorder info (and there is quite a bit) They would not know the best way to treat me. If they loaded me up with a bunch of Zyprexa, Abilify, Invega or Seroquel, not to mention Geodon, I’d immediately start thrashing. But in my experience, psychiatrists in hospitals are in a hurry and often don’t believe the new admit. Try telling a psychiatrist that an accidental careless overdose of Tegretol was not a suicide attempt. Do you think they’d believe you? It happened to me when My doctor put me on 200 mg instead of 100 mg. I forgot to look closely at the label.

Anyway, I am doing work for IBPF besides blogging and it makes me feel really good. My goal, the one I wish to reach, is to make decent videos with light soundtracking for tempo and to be able to insert a logo or make other edits. We downloaded movie maker. I would like to find a local teacher. I sure am enjoying talking to all these mental health advocacy people around the country. The trend seems to be for the patient to become educated and make their own choices, whether to take meds or not, whether they can still drink, stuff about sleep, side effects, an entire section dedicated to bipolar disorder in children and how to treat a bipolar patient who has ADHD and or other co occurring disorders.

I had an interesting ‘brave new world’ experience digging out a depression. I got to reading the Dr. David Agus (“The End of Illness”) material on genetic and protein enzyme testing for individuals looking for the most precise and effective meds. This is Mayo clinic’s standard of care for general health and psychiatric health since 2010. If a doc prescribes it at Quest, Medicare will pay. If your protein enzymes, for example, metabolize Celexa better than Prozac, more of it will be able to penetrate blood brain barrier and it can do its’ work. It’s the future, maybe.

I was unable to find a doctor to do this, paperwork, perceptions that it’s ‘junk science’ but I did get to thinking along the lines of precise, individualized meds for me. So I asked myself, “Which antidepressant in the distant past worked the quickest and the longest for me?” The answer was Wellbutrin, with a quick onset. I requested it and discussed with psychiatrist. Within five days there was the flickering of a lightbulb and within nine days I was fully restored to a ‘well’ cycle. At some point I’m going to have these tests done (there is no shortage of specialty labs-everyone is jumping on the gravy train) and research it more and do a piece on it.

I’ve hit a snag with mental health advocacy. I volunteered for years at the nearby drop in. I had high security clearance and brought meetings into the psych ward. I developed an eating disorder meeting. I got sick with depression and a three year struggle with trying to get Tardive Dyskinesia under control and fell off the volunteer rolls. They no longer think I’m ‘well’ enough to be a volunteer. Despite this, I tried to write a nice story about them and their services for International Bipolar Disorder. I interviewed the project director and took good notes. I gave her final editorial approval since I did want to quote her and wanted to improve our relationship. I guess I sent too many emails because when she returned from a vacation that I didn’t know about, I got a nasty one in my inbox telling me to stop ‘bombarding’ her with emails. My deadline for the story had come and gone, and I was just being compulsive in trying to accomplish and be done with a task. She works with the mentally ill so why should she expect so much out of me?

I’ve been lucky in that somehow I’ve been picked up as a blogger by International Bipolar Disorder but truly for every four submissions I send out, only one gets picked up. The rest are rejected for one reason or another. Their was Stigma fighters, I guess that evaluating my 25 year struggle on paper I told too many stories and talked about meds too much. When you develop Tardive Dyskinesia, it’s pretty hard not to., Then there was the seeds of hope and they objected to too much personal narrative and not enough of a “we” presentation. So I’ve realized that in all this advocacy, I have to nurture myself, focus on what’s really important and develop a thick skin. And to stick to my own platforms, like this blog and the book I am writing. Does anyone else out there ‘feel’ me?

If you had volunteered to do a one minute vlog about your experience, trials and ultimate triumph with Tardive Dyskinesia, hit on some of the stigma and discrim due to ignorance and fear on the part of the doctors, and emphasize that there has been great strides made in treatment and even a little bit on prevention, who do you think your major audience would be? If you said the word Tardive Dyskinesia, which demographic would know exactly what that is, be concerned about getting it and tune in to my video to hear the mostly good news? I wonder. I’m trying to work it out. This charity’s largest group of clients and Facebook Clickers are women, from young to middle age. They are already probably pissed off about rapid weight gain with some of the new antipsychotics. And they probably don’t know it yet, but that leads to hyperinsulinism, metabolic syndrome and diabetes type 2. And TD is in the cards for them too. What I want them to learn is that 80% are quickly treated with a medicine and are fine. The rest, well there are all kinds of new meds and med combinations so it’s not as bleak as it was when I got it. I want to spread hope, not fear.

A huge amount of County money was cut from the Arts-focused “9MusesArtsReach” up here. When asked why the funds were cut, the county said they were looking for more transparency and weren’t sure what they are paying for. A judge on the bench here locally snapped back, “Well, when you see our Emergency rooms and jails overflowing with mentally ill people, you’ll know what YOU WERE paying for, and I guarantee you, this will be a whole lot more expensive, not to mention putting the community at risk, both the mentally unwell and the rest of them. This probably wont affect Rebel’s Drop in as they are an arm of a local hospital that is the fifth largest provider of hospital care in the country. They have money. 9Muses will really be hurt. And I like it there. Their depression support group is truly transformative and supportive. What they do not support is the depression and negative self talk or thoughts themselves. “Hold onto the Good!” is their motto and they are kinda ‘tough love.’ They won’t let you sit in your garbage.