I am an artist - photographer, illustrator, and sometimes painter. I was born and raised in New York but I now live in France with my husband in a nice little suburb only 10 miles from Paris. I am disturbed, funny, sad and happy all at once! Read my blog and my thoughts. :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

For a long time. I had played with the idea of performance video as another entity of my art-making. I made some videos that never saw anything outside of my hard drive but more lately, I've been drawn to it. It only seems natural since my photographs are already still performances, so something, or I should say someone finally inspired me to move forward and do it.

Robyn Bellospirito - yes, that is her last name. She is just as beautiful in spirit as her name. She is a painter, photographer but most prominently a performance artist. She performs via video and in public, busking while dancing. She has health problems that sometimes prevents her from doing a lot but she does what she can and tries to not let those problems stop her from living. We got together today and spent 6 hours talking about ideas of collaborating. Next week, we make our first videos together. We are kindred spirits, relating to so many facets of our lives and I can see this becoming a great friendship/working relationship.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I want to set the record straight here and finally get it all off my chest.

I have lost approximately 105 pounds in the last couple of years. I did it mainly to take control of my health and so I can feel good and live a long life. And I do feel very good. I admit to being happy that I can fit into smaller and more fashionable clothes but for the most part, there is a strange self-consciousness that's come with the way my body looks now - which includes lots of hanging, loose skin, similar to that of a much older body. That is my issue though that I will tackle slowly and surely, even if through my artwork....

However, regardless of my opinions of myself, I am shocked and amazed at the comments I receive from people - strangers and those I have known, only in the peripheral over the years, especially in the art community that I model for. So without further ado, I will rant -

Just because I now look this way does not give you the right to now tell me your honest opinions on what I looked like before:

"You really were larrrrrrrge!"
"I was getting worried there for awhile. You don't seem to strain when you move anymore".
"You had that surgery, didn't you?"
"Something must have scared YOU to make you lose all that weight!"

Or the best ones:
" You are much prettier now than before"
"You really are half the woman you were"
"Wow! You've lost THAT much? KEEP GOING!"
"Your husband must REALLY love you now!"

Everyone becomes an expert in how to maintain weight loss, too:
"Now you just need to tone up that skin, that's all"

And lastly are the ones who run up to me, as if I am some guru and ask:
"What's your secret?" and "How did you do it?"

Come on! It is engrained in us all of our lives what it takes to eat right and be healthy. Less calories, more moving. SIMPLE.....

It is difficult. We are creatures of habit and like to stay comfortable in everything we do. Also, there are lots of good, fattening foods out there and I still indulge in some in order to make my life more livable. However, as we ALL know, everything needs to be in moderation. But, in the year 2010, one can walk into any eating establishment or grocery store and find low-fat and low-calorie alternatives that are really delicious and satisfying. It makes losing weight that much easier.

So, I tell people what I did and do (lower carbs, walk more, etc.) and then they start with the excuses, as if I care about what they are or are not doing:
"Oh, I can't give up regular cheese."
"Oh, I can't do that much walking."
"See, I love sweets too much."
Then there you have it. It's all about CHOICES. Why people need to tell me their excuses is beyond my understanding. I am not here to tell you what you should do about losing weight. I am not here to talk about anyone else, period. So guess what? DON'T ASK ME FOR ADVICE, especially when you have a rebuttal for every sentence I utter.

On the outskirts of these people and their comments are the ones that truly think before they speak:
"You look so beautiful! But then again, you always were. It's just different now, that's all."
My favorite is:
"You went from looking like a beautiful Reubens to a beautiful Modigliani."

and from my husband:
"I love you. ALL of you in every form from the inside to the out. You are healthier now which means you will be with me that much longer."