In a thoroughly unsympathetic interview on Tuesday’s ABC’s Nightline, Mr. Congenital Liar Jesse James trotted out every cheatin’ guy cliche in the I Got Caught manual to explain away his vile betrayal of actress Sandra Bullock.

Video:

Representative sample of weaselisms (mostly verbatim):

“I never felt good enough for anybody.”

“I felt horrible about myself while I was doing it.”

“I knew I’d get caught. I think I wanted to get caught.”

So James – wait for it – checked himself into celebrity rehab (specifically, Sierra Tuscon – have a field day).

Which led to an on-camera crying jag (“Can we take a break?”) and the following:

“I was a victim of childhood abuse.”

“I was a scared abused kid.”

Sad fact to know and tell: James referred to Sandra Bullock by name exactly four times during the half-hour progaram.