Thursday, December 6, 2007

Unannounced Closing Stuns Bronx School

December 6, 2007 (GBN News): In a policy that the NY City Department of Education terms “Unannounced Closing”, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein has decided not to wait until the end of the year to close some “failing schools”. One such targeted school, PS 422 in the Bronx, was shuttered this morning in dramatic fashion when Blackwater school security officers swooped down on the school, giving teachers and children 30 minutes to clear out their belongings and vacate the building.

The school had recently received an “F” rating on its Progress Report, despite having been considered “Proficient” on its latest Quality Review. One teacher, who spoke to GBN News on condition of anonymity, said, “We figured they’d probably close the school, but nobody expected it to come so fast. They didn’t even let the kids finish their lunch.”

It was a grim scene outside the school. Someone, presumably the Principal, was observed being led away with his face covered. Stunned parents milled about, waiting for their children to emerge. When the children did come out, they did so in an orderly fashion, many of them carrying books and artwork. Blackwater guards kept order, only occasionally prodding a teacher or child to move more quickly.

When reached for comment, Mayor Bloomberg defended the abrupt closure. “If the schools don’t educate our kids, they’re not going to stay open,” said the Mayor. “We don’t see any reason to keep a school open a minute longer than necessary,” he continued. "And by not announcing [the closings] beforehand, we'll keep the principals and teachers on their toes while we hold their feet to the fire."

Chancellor Klein was later asked by GBN News what plans are being made to accommodate the children from the closed school. The Chancellor briefly looked up from his Blackberry and muttered, “They can always go to private school.”

There is a good reason why you couldn't find this anywhere else - it never happened! When I write under "GBN News", it's parody. Of course, what the DOE does is also parody, usually better than mine. So the above scenario is not so far fetched given their track record, which explains why you were inclined to take it seriously.