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October 19, 2011

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Reports are coming in that following a settlement for over 40 million dollars the members of the occupy Wall Street movement have agreed to relocate to 5th Avenue. “We don’t want the public to think too much has changed though, we’re still pretty disorganized,” explained John R. a protester of three years, “some of us want to shop at Gucci while others are more interested in yachts.” Passion appears to be stronger than ever as evidenced by the escalation of costumes in the updated Facebook photos.

Corporations are not the only ones benefiting from the groundbreaking settlement. The GOP is seeing a surge in numbers not experienced since it was discovered that Fritz Mondale was not in fact a practical joke. House majority leader Eric Cantor had this to say, “at first we didn’t think there would be a place for them in the party, but then we introduced them to a newspaper and it’s been smooth ever since.” When asked why the sudden and startling change in political ideology movement leader Michael S. explained, “it was always our parents who had all the money, we had no clue the government just made you give a third of it back.”

Glenn Beck is now the front runner for the Republican Party in the upcoming presidential election and speculation is growing that due to a lack of expected attendance the next scheduled Burning Man festival will be cancelled.