Musings from an eternal optimist about post-divorce life, the state of being a single mom, dating in one's mid-forties, feminism, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Previously blogged at http://pollyannasdivorce.blogspot.com and you can read the before story there.

Monday, October 7, 2013

The numbers game

I am still on Plenty of Fish (POF) and OkCupid.

It's GOT to be a numbers game, right?

I estimate that I've gone on 20 first dates, the most recent of which was on Saturday morning. Every day, gentlemen contact me. On Plenty of Fish, today I hit the 300 mark of "Men who want to meet you."

Except I don't want 300 men, most of whom are wildly inappropriate matches for me. I want one really fantastic man.

*****

I continue my running adventures, and this weekend I ran my first double-digits run. Ten miles in 1:27:30, and I couldn't be prouder of myself. Six months ago I could barely run three miles, and I could barely imagine ten miles. My half marathon is in a few short weeks, and I know that (barring injury) I'm ready. I'm hoping for a sub 2:00 time, and if I'm honest, I'm hoping for a sub 1:55 time. If I got a 1:50, well, I'd be ecstatically happy. But anything under 2:00 is great.

It's really hard in running not to come out of the gate fast: at the beginning of a run, when I feel fresh and proud of myself for getting out there, I feel a burst of speed within me, and I want to stretch and just put my whole heart into it and go as fast as I can. Of course, if I do that, within a short distance I find myself gasping for breath and thinking that it's time to stop. This isn't unlike dating: when I meet a "nice" guy, online or in person, my inclination is to think "this is the one! let's dive in!" when the reality is that doing so nearly guarantees that in a short distance, I'll find myself wondering what I was thinking.

I know what I want.

In my half marathon, I want to get my best possible time, and right now that means that I have a pacing plan. I'll come out of the chute a bit slow, pick up my pace in the middle of the race, and sprint the last bit. I believe that doing that will give me the best possible chance at a great time, and that finishing strong will feel amazing.

In dating, I want the man who makes my soul sing and sets my body on fire with a glance. I have a pacing plan for that, too: I'm honest with myself about those early conversations, I move slowly at first, and I'm pacing myself. I asked for a divorce over two years ago, and he moved out over a year ago, and I'm pleased that I started off at a slower pace. I feel like I'm in the middle now, and I'm running at tempo, having more and more first dates, refining what I want even more. I'll have to see how my body feels as I pass the mile markers, but I'll know when it's time to sprint for the finish line.

****

One thing that's great about running is that it's much more predictable than dating. I put in the effort, I follow the rules, and great things happen, on a pretty predictable schedule. I'm fortunate in that my body seems to say "thank you!" for my runs, more than "what are you thinking?" and there is some magic there I can't explain. I need that same magic for dating: a gift from the Universe that sends the right person into my path when it's time to make that finish line sprint.

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About Me

I am blogging anonymously to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. I am a woman in her early 40s, an optimist, a reader and writer, a businesswoman, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a cancer survivor, and I am recently divorced. I believe in sharing life with my girlfriends, the healing power of home cooked food, the joy of motherhood, and the wonder of starry nights and pebbled beaches. I don’t believe in the mommy wars: I was a stay at home mom for nine years, and now I’m a working mom, and I have friends in both camps.
Pseudonyms: I’m PollyAnna, my daughter is Katherine, and my ex is Bryan. Pictures are from Google Images and are not of anyone I know.
Contact me at pollyannasdivorce@gmail.com if you'd like to say something privately, not posted on the blog.