In defense of delicious ribs

I feel a little silly defending something that’s so self-evidently delicious. You know, if you’ve ever had a really good rib, that they don’t need any defense.

But those wicked folks at the Daily Post have threatened to remove this most delicious form of all meats unless I can convince them otherwise.

Well, convincing them otherwise takes no more than a convincing enough threat, right? I mean, I could do the terrorist bit, declare a holy jihad against rib-antagonists. But it isn’t necessary to; their foolishness is self-evident to all right-thinking (and rib-eating) people.

Oh sure, there are certain major religions that have a thing about Pork–but your ribs don’t have to be pork. There are certain other religions that have a thing against cows–but your ribs don’t have to be beef, either.

Veggie-nutarians… Well, if you can’t see the basic superiority of a fat-dripping, barbecue-lathered inherently delicious falling-off-the-bone rib…available evidence suggests you just weren’t raised properly. Back to the beginning of the food line with you, and do it properly this time.

My ancestors struggled for half a million years to reach the top of the food chain. Who am I to sneer at their struggles?

And what does one eat, at the apex of the food chain?

If one is very, very lucky–one devours as many ribs as can be stuffed into one’s face. And then licks barbecue from his fingers with happiness and a contented eructation, while admiring the Perfection of a Universe That Has Ribs In It.

Imaging the horrors of a universe that didn’t? ::shudder::

Ribs have absolutely everything that’s bad for you in one tasty package. So of course they’re delicious.

I have religious theories regarding why this Truth is so. Maybe some other time, we’re running long today.