100 Days of Healing – Day 49

I’m a survivor of an abusive relationship. One that continued far too long. Once my boundaries were trampled, I didn’t know how to reset them. When I tried to, I got more abuse. Once I got free, it was almost four years before I started dating again, and only then very cautiously.

My boyfriend has now twice not followed through on something important he said he would do. The first time wasn’t a big deal, didn’t really bother me and there seemed to be plenty of legitimate reasons for it. This time there wasn’t, and not only did he not honor his commitment to me, he did the opposite. It broke trust, and presented as a continuation of a pattern I am starting to see that I don’t like and that sends a message that I am not valued.

People start to show who they are after 9 months, and I’m seeing that now.

I expressed how I felt and held him accountable, and he blew up. It wasn’t the same abusive language that I’ve experienced before, but it still came across with the same force as if he’d struck me. I was honest and expressed how specific behaviors had caused me hurt, and he responded that my timing was terrible and interfering with what he is doing. When I said I was sorry, his response was, “Doubt that”.

I think I’ve heard enough, and I’m just grateful that this time I know when to leave.

Yes!! His reaction was unacceptable but – if he was under pressure.. hmm.. maybe. I can be a ratbag when the brown and tacky stuff hits the fan. Here’s the thing though.. when I’m a class one bitch I know it. I know I’m reacting badly and I think maybe being ashamed of that makes me a bit worse even. I calm down quickly though and then seek out whoever I’ve upset and truly grovel, it doesn’t happen often – very rarely in fact but it HAS happened. If someone apologised to me as you did I’d be mortified and heartsick that I made someone else feel like that. I would NEVER say ‘Doubt that’. The fact he’s reacted like that is a huge alarm. We all do bad things but it’s how we fix them that lets others know whether to accept an apology or walk away. He accepts no blame. He has no value for your feelings, dust off your dancing shoes girlie and waltz right out of his life 😊