Those familiar with the butterfly effect (both the chaos theory of mid 20th century mathematician Edward Norton and the 2004 film starring Ashton Kutcher) will understand that nothing in this universe occurs in a vacuum (except literal space vacuums? Look, as you know, I’m no scientist). That means that a woman taking her lunch 5,000 miles and an ocean away from where I type this now, is likely to create some small influence upon the universe that might one day modify the course of my life. Today is that day. Queen Elizabeth was served a slug at lunch and my life is forever altered.

What material changes this event will have on me are yet a mystery, but what happens when Queen Elizabeth is served a slug is not. According to the Mirror UK, The Queen sends the slug back to the kitchen with a note to the chef.

The Queen once left a terse message for her kitchen staff after discovering something rather unwelcome in her salad.

Her Majesty reportedly tore off a page from the comments book meant to be used to convey her appreciation - or distaste - to the chef in the kitchens.

On this occasion she placed a dead slug on the page before writing ‘I found this in the salad - could you eat it?’ and sending it back to the kitchen, the Daily Mail’s Weekend magazine reports.

“Could you eat it?” This question is burning a hole in my psyche and echoing in my soul across multiple timelines. I feel the answer to this question, nay, the question itself, is a clue to the still untold way in which our fates are linked. What did she mean? Could. You. Eat. It? Was she asking if the slug was edible and the “you” can be read as “one”, as in “could one eat it”?. Is it possible The Queen was simply preparing herself for the possibility of her finding a slug in her salad again, and was asking about its digestibility in the hopes of being better prepared should that eventuality occur?

Or, maybe it was The Queen’s passive-aggressive way of asking the chef to eat the slug as punishment for his inattention as in, “could you be a dear and eat this for me while I watch and inhale your anguish as it is a rare and intoxicating elixir that fills me with a sense of power tempered with carefully measured benevolence?”. Both are equally compelling and repulsive readings of the situation.

The contextual clues here are meager and untrustworthy. Mirror UK reports her words were “terse,” yet earlier in the article they attribute them to “Her Majesty’s sense of humour”. Was she irritated or amused? It would also be useful to know if she was dining alone? Was the slug living or dead? Was it a garden variety slug or something more exotic? Ok, that one’s dumb; we have to make some logical assumptions here, otherwise, all is chaos.

But what’s of greater importance than parsing The Queen’s meaning, is knowing which scenario will wreak havoc on my destiny? I know this is a lot of ink to spill over a slug in a salad but you see where I’m going with this, right? THE SLUG IS THE BUTTERFLY AND I AM ASHTON KUTCHER!

I’ve never actually seen that movie, so looking to it for answers is futile. As such, there is nothing more for me to do but wait and see what impact this extraordinary/ordinary event will have on my life. And now that you’ve read this, The Queen’s Slug should be considered passed, and your life’s path is under its slimy spell.