Welcome to my bloggy home. Here, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry warmhearted tears, get silly, and be naughty. Together, we'll uncover morsels of sweetness in the light and dark. You'll leave craving chocolate. That's a given. I'm a bad influence. Oy vey, am I a bad influence! {But I do recommend fair trade and organic varieties.} Please enjoy the samples, and may you fast become addicted. I hope you'll return again and again. Then once more.

One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Some people can't get enough Tabasco sauce. I'm not some people. Are you? Ever tried Tabasco with chocolate?

I'm pictured preparing to bite into a McIlhenny Company Tabasco Chocolate. Were there a second picture, I'd still be smiling. The chocolate tasted yummy - a bit creamy, a bit dark and high quality, and no hint of spice.

Were there a third picture, though, you'd see flames racing from my nostrils, mouth, eyeballs, eardrums, and - well - I'll stop there. That is, after I enjoyed the chocolate, I felt the need to drink from a fire hydrant. But I'm a wimp with hot stuff like this. It might be too mild for you.

There's no false advertising on McIlhenny's part. Their Tabasco Chocolate includes a detectable portion of Tabasco. And chocolate. I didn't taste either together, but I certainly tasted each one.

I give this hot chocolate a 7. It's good, not great. There's no mixture of the two. You could simply buy chocolate and pour tabasco on it, if you want the sensation. Then again, for a nice gal like me, it was the most excitement my mouth has had in a while. That's why I gave it a 7, rather than a 6 or 6.5.

Cheers, all.
Have a sweet and/or spicy new week, as August rolls into September.

Monday, August 24, 2015

It's nice to have kids in my life again on a regular basis. I'm laughing more. Here's a dose of cuteness. Names have been changed to protect the young comics.

A parent told me about taking his son, Willy, to the dentist. Willy is highly afraid of being sedated. Willy sat in the dental chair and immediately asked the female hygienist: "Are you going to seduce me?"

As I was driving Tim to a park, he said, "Robyn, I have a belt."

"That's good, Tim," I affirmed. "It will keep your pants up."

"Yeah, and I don't want anyone to see my tiny whineys."

At the park, watching kids play, a little girl came up to me and said, "They are having very fun!"

"They sure are having very fun," I told her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Have some very fun this week, and don't expose your tiny whineys!

Monday, August 17, 2015

It's time again to check the unfiltered, germ-infested waters of the dating pool and thereby affirm my reasons for celibacy. Here are said reasons, #s 351 through 359. Please enjoy. Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #351: what
does a guy got to do to get a gril

Depends
what kind of gril you want, babe. If you’re looking for the kind with a
motorized rotisserie, for thoroughly heating meaty breasts and thighs, try Home
Depot. But if you want a standard cheap and easy, warm-‘er-up-and-plop-it-into-a-bun model, Walmart’s a sure thing.

REASON #352: Do
you think my tractors sexy

Judging
from the fact that I can’t see it at all, and I don’t have a microscope handy, I’m
going to go with a solid “no.”

REASON #353: Im
a smartas...

Smart
as what, buddy?

REASON #354: Hi
their

High!

REASON #355: If
you are out there? I am here…

Sorry,
honey. I am here, and you're way out there.

REASON #356: Let there be cake!!!!!!

Now we’re talking!

REASON #357: headlines
dont work.????

Such
clever ones too.????

Alas,
a man with a good sense of humor:

REASON #358: Parachute
for sale, used once, never opened!!

Note: He appears easy on the eyes, and he’s
younger than me (that would be a refreshing change), but he wants kids AND nothing serious. Talk about an (oxy)
moron.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Actual Martha Stewart quotesMartha // Robyn (plain bold)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------So sorry, dear readers, but I can't keep Martha from invading my studio--especially not when she knows she'll have an audience during Alex's monthly IWSG. Martha saunters to center-stage, grabs her crotch, and launches into a series of pelvic thrusts. Damnit lady! What does it take to get rid of you? Martha stops mid-thrust.Huh?Suddenly enraged, she shouts:I want you to know that I am innocent - and that I will fight to clear my name! Since you're here for the fight, Martie, tell me, how much did you pay for this creative book cover? Robyn holds up one of Martha Stewart's many boring, horribly designed, and difficult to understand cookbooks with recipes that - if followed - may likely land you in the Emergency Room.Martha pulls a flask of Jack Daniels out of her Martha Stewart bag and takes a swig.Oh yeah, well I was married for 30 years. Isn't that enough? I've had my share of dirty underwear on the floor. I ain't touching that, lady. I just wanna say that I just published a book, and it looks a lot better than yours. Peggy Sue could do better. And I had to confront my insecurities head on, you know, and I don't mean anything sexual by that because there's very little sex and a lot of impotence in my book, because it's non-fiction and -- I can't hear you, Martha interrupts, with her index fingers in her ears. You're wasting my time.I mean, I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time. All I'm trying to say --Robyn turns to the audience, as Martha crashes face-first onto the cold stage floor -- is that we're all human. Well, almost all of us. And humans have insecurities. So let's admit it and be secure about the fact that we're insecure. Because people who pretend to be totally secure aren't worthy of our time and attention. I mean, look at this cookbook cover! It took me years to write my book because that's how long it took to work through my vulnerabilities to a point wherein I could write about them in a way that works for you, dear reader - with authenticity and no shame (or shame but no whining). While it's mostly a funny and ultimately uplifting story, it's sad too. I reveal a lot of hurts and intimacies--things I'd never before shared with anyone. But this post isn't intended to be an in-your-face sales pitch. I'm writing this to say that insecurities are part of being human. And the two words that have kept me going as a writer are what I'll say to you. All that it takes to publish a book, or to accomplish any project you set out to accomplish, in spite of your insecurities, is this: KEEP GOING. That's all. Thank you for stopping by, dear sillies. Robyn walks over Martha as she exits the studio and shouts at stagehand Macaulay Culkin to sweep up the trash on the studio floor.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

"As wonderful as things are at this moment," Rabbi Wyse promised, "it will get even better, better than you could ever imagine."

Touched
by these words, I stood teary-eyed with my new husband, an expansive
rainbow colored stained glass window accentuating our loving aura. It
was indeed a magical day, and a delectable future beckoned entry.

The months and years to follow, though? Not so much. Okay, when does this happily ever after thing kick in? I wondered, as life plummeted into a miserable abyss. How could a man of the cloth be so off base?
More
recently, however, I learned the wisdom behind those words. The Rabbi
was right, after all. It would get even better than I ever dreamed it
could be. I just didn't realize it would take so long after the
marriage, and the divorce, to find my happily ever after.

This is the wedding dress, blemished by my chocolate drunkenness during a book cover photo session. (See previous series.) I never expected it to be so fun. And after a long drive home (with my chocolate wedding dress in a bag and me in more normal clothes), I tossed it into its rightful new home:

With my arms out-stretched in a victory "V", I alas had the happy, healing ending to that chapter of my life and book.