Big Brother 9: The Finale – A Satifying End To One Wild Ride

Welcome to the Big Brother Finale! The episode starts with a recap of the season, which I won’t do again. All my past recaps are up on this site in case you need to relive chaos of House Guests past – so let’s get to the good stuff…

There is a lot of good stuff to squeeze into the too short one hour finale.. And there’s a final twist: America is told to run to the computers and vote for their favorite juror who will be awarded a $25,000 prize. Maybe Sheila will get her cash prize after all, or so she must think when this is announced.

Six of the jury members are gathered, awaiting the last the last member of their lynching posse to arrive. They run through some scripted comments about who they think will be the last jury member, sure that if one of the boys won HOH it will be Sheila walking through the door. Josh speaks for me when he says that Sheila couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag and with that…here she is. She’s seething with rage – what a surprise. She claims that she’d rather give Ryan all the money since Adam screwed her by throwing the last HOH.

Because it was Adam’s job to set up her win. He does live to serve her – at least in Sheila’s mind.

Matt says that he wants to vote based on game play (which is code for “whoever will spend the most money partying with me after the show”). Regarding comp throwing, Chelsia correctly notes that it’s a risky strategy and Natalie (still smarting from her contribution to the charity case that is Sheila) concurs that it is indeed risky. It ended her game, she should know. Matt is impressed with Ryan’s ability to make side deals and keep them secret, which is a valid point since this season’s hamsters were notorious for cutting their own throats with their inability to keep their mouths shut.

Sheila thinks Ryan played a better game because Adam never let on what he was thinking or what he was going to do. Which flies in the face of saying he betrayed her by looking her in the eyes and lying to her, but I’m almost done having to deal with Sheila’s special brand of logic. Joshuah calls Ryan a “smooth talker.” Really? Apparently grunting is considered articulate. Who knew?

As they await the arrival of the final 2 on the screen, Josh states that final impressions will come into play in a big way. As if they don’t all know for whom they’re going to vote after weeks in the gossip factory that is the jury house. I know, Big Brother is trying to create suspense…but is Josh really your go-to guy for that?

Here come Adam and Ryan on the monitor. I know from the feeds that neither one of them knew they were going to be facing jury questions until four hours prior. Perhaps they should have spent a little less time reading the Bible and a little more time on the Big Brother Rule Book.

Matt tosses out the first question – same to both guys. What are they going to do with the money? Adam says he will donate 100k to fund an after school program for “the kids who are watching me everyday.”

If there are kids who are glued to Big Brother, they have bigger problems than any disability. Maybe that money would be better spent in parenting classes for their folks to help them establish appropriate viewing practices. None of my kids got anywhere near the feeds. I’ve spent my life teaching them to use tissues and to cultivate socially acceptable table manners and I wasn’t about to let Big Brother undue years of active parenting.

Adam will also start a business and buy a car with the remainder. Hopefully he’ll meet with an accountant first, because he seems to think half a million after taxes will stretch further than it will. Ryan says he’ll do a little something nice for his mom, Jen, and himself…and toss some to charity because it’s a lot of money. Josh calls that the worst answer ever, but the best commentary was Chelsia’s silent gagging of herself with an appropriate finger. This was the beginning of Chelsia winning me over.

Natalie wanted clarification on the split vote to get her out. She playfully tells them that they’re suckers and she should be sitting there with them. Josh points out that there’s aren’t three people in the final 2, but we all know counting isn’t Natalie’s strong suit.

Sharon called Ryan out on his betrayal of letting Adam vote her out after he claimed to have her back. Ryan stumbles through his non-answer of how he tried to save her but it was Adam’s last minute decision. Chelsia asks Ryan why they should give him the money and asks if he’s going to marry Jen after she called him a racist on TV. Ryan defends his idiot choice of a life partner stating that he loves Jen to death and wants to start a life with her. Chelsia tells him it was the “wrong answer.” If her bad-assiness had been this controlled and amusing throughout the whole game she’d have been a lot more fun to watch.

Josh attacks Adam for throwing comps and tells him Ryan played a better game. Adam answers the only way he can, which is that there’s more to Big Brother than comps in the backyard. He feels he played a strong game socially, mentally, and did what he had to do. It’s hard to argue with that, not that Joshuah doesn’t try. Since there’s no counter argument he berates Adam for yelling and reprimands him for a disrespectful tone.

To quote Jim Halpert, “This may be the smallest amount of power I have ever seen go to someone’s head.”

It’s Sheila’s turn now, and Adam is cringing before she even opens her mouth. He’s like a dog whose been beaten and just can’t even fight anymore. She snots that he has no business taking credit for carrying her as she carried him. She asks him why he lied to her at the end and as he tries to answer she talks over him. He admits they carried each other and it was mutual, but reason isn’t something Sheila is capable of processing. He gets extremely upset at this additional pressure right now, and he looks like he feels guilty that she isn’t sitting up there with him. Not that he gets credit for that. He claims he didn’t throw the final round of the last HOH, not that he thinks she’ll believe him.

James asks Adam why he deserves to be in the final 2 over Sheila and he reiterates his game play. James was extremely cool about this whole thing, and it’s nice to see someone has perspective.

In their final statements Ryan says he played this game as straight-up as possible and won when he had to. He refuses to bash Adam, since that isn’t his style. That and even Ryan has to know that had he gone down that road Adam, who is far more erudite, would have verbally torn him into several bleeding pieces.

Adam feels that the jury will probably vote based on game play, personal relationships, and what the winner will do with the money. I’m sure he hopes that’s how they are voting because he knows he’d sweep all three categories. He wishes they could all be sitting up there – and appears really distressed while he says this. He then reminds them that while the game is over for the jury it isn’t over for Ryan and himself.

Chelsia reminds the viewing audience that the game isn’t quite over for the jury as the decision to award the money rests in their hands. Josh can’t stand Adam’s arrogance proving the old adage, “we hate most in others what we ourselves possess.” true.

Did I get the phrasing of that old adage correct? I really don’t want to have to wiki-check that – you guys get the drift.

They show a couple of minutes of Ryan and Adam licking their wounds after the jury grilling. This actually went on for days on the feeds…and got extremely ugly. Ryan doesn’t handle criticism well at all and Adam did himself no favors by being so openly touchy about it himself – as well as turning into “that guy” whenever he’s around Ryan. Being only around Ryan he was even more “that guy” so hopefully his family will stage some kind of intervention when he gets out.

Julie checks in with the final 2 and asks for one word response on how they felt after going nine rounds with the jury. Adam tries to answer in 120 words, but she condenses it down to “rough.” Ryan, happy to only have to come up with one word says it was “nerve-wracking.”

I was disappointed that the editors chose not to show Josh’s question to Ryan which was to ask if he’s eaten the guineas yet. Ryan dwelled on this for the rest of the time in the house, which goes to show you can go for the easy joke and still get under his skin.

Enter the jury. To the screaming cheers of the studio audience (set outside the house) Matt enters, followed by Chelsia (proving you can look good and slutty at the same time. Take note, Natalie), Josh (underdressed in a polo shirt – surprising attire), James, Natalie, Sharon, and Sheila.

Out comes the key box for the voting. Julie instructs each of the jury members that are allowed to make only one statement to the final 2 before voting, but not reveal their choice. Matt is up first saying that one of them will be taking him to Vegas, Natalie is up next saying that she is going with her heart on this one, Josh is next who is annoyed about being limited to one comment (Josh is probably annoyed that there are other cast members here for “the Josh show”) and he votes for the guy who played the hardest and wasn’t afraid to do the dirty work.

Way to not telegraph your answer. But since when do rules apply to Josh?

Sharon is up next and says her vote is based who was most loyal, Sheila says that the roundtable made this a very easy decision and she hopes trust and loyalty come into play here. James is next and tells them to “party away this money” to the approving hoots of the audience. Chelsia is last to cast her vote, hoping that the winner will follow through with what they said they would do with the money.

I know, she telegraphed her vote, too…but it didn’t annoy me because it was for Adam. Since when have I ever pretended to be unbiased?

Now that the votes are locked in, Julie makes the boys sweat it out watching her make innocuous small talk with the losers. She calls Natalie for playing all sides – it was as riveting as it sounds. Some banter about how Natalie might not be thrilled to watch the season, after she’d been so devoted to Matt. She says she knows some things, so she won’t be surprised. Matt apologizes to her for everything she’s about to see.

I know he’s a jerk, but he’s good at the sound-bytes and that’s really all I’m looking for in my fame-whores.

The only two pre-jury House Guests to get air time are Jen and Allison. Jen says she still doesn’t care for Allison due to everything she’s said in the house. Allison claims to have no hard feelings, but took issue with Jen’s slander of Ryan.

If Jen thought that her boyfriend a racist on national TV was going to pass unnoticed she was sadly mistaken.

Julie shows the clip Adam telling Natalie he voted for her, but if she was hoping the final 2 would break out into a fistfight over this she was disappointed. Ryan knew, so that didn’t land. She also shows the clip of Josh’s faux crying and Adam’s genuine sympathy which did nothing but feed Josh’s over-inflated sense of self when she says the Emmy is waiting for him.

Sadly, he probably does think he‘ll get an Emmy nod.

So, who is the winner of Big Brother? Julie starts pulling keys: Matt voted for Adam as did Natalie. Josh’s vote went to Ryan, Sharon and Sheila voted for Adam …so we are done. D-U-N. Adam is the winner of Big Brother 9.

For the record, James and Chelsia also voted for Adam which makes me hate Josh even more. If not for his entitled dramatics Adam would have had the first shut-out in Big Brother history which he richly deserved.

And just who is America’s favorite juror? If by America we mean Allison Grodner, judging by the calls of shenanigans by those who tried to vote for others? Well, in second place and once again getting as close to the money as possible while getting nothing…Sheila.

Excellent! I only wish they would have done a close up on her when she realized that she wasn’t getting an additional dime.

But the 25k goes to James. Since I could care less who anyone is outside the game or what they do with the money – it was the perfect outcome. Maybe he and Rupert can start the “losers of reality shows most pitied by producers” club.

I wonder what went through Natalie’s mind when she realized that the leader of the evildoers was voted most beloved while the exhibitionist Bible thumper was soundly rejected.

Adam is happy to have won and Julie reminds him that he’s promised to donate 100k. He really locked himself in, from a PR standpoint, but stating a specific number didn’t he? He claims he will give the money to The United Autism Foundation – but hopefully he’ll check into things a little bit first. They came under fire for Adam’s politically incorrect comments at the beginning of the season, and haven’t held up so well under scrutiny regarding their legitimacy. There are certainly organizations with spotless reputations that provide services for autistic children and their families – as well as autism research so there are certainly other (less sketchy) avenues for him to take.

To sum it up: Adam wins Big Brother, James wins Most Popular Boy, and the rest will slink away into obscurity none too soon. A very satisfying ending for this recapper.

As I stated oh so many weeks ago in the first paragraph of my first recap – I had never seen this show prior to agreeing to do this. It’s been a wild ride, I had no idea I would get so sucked in that I would spend time watching these hamsters sleep, chew, and tan themselves on the feeds. I may have unwittingly sold my soul to Big Brother but I have no regrets. Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read my recaps both here and on About.com.

Thank you, Carrie, for giving me the opportunity to snark on these guys three times a week. I hope you got a good deal for brokering my soul, it was sure worth it. (editor’s note: No Jamie, thank YOU for bringing the funny this season! I’m sure our souls are both having a good time together, wherever they are.)