“Focus on the pleasure happening right then, not something that’s about to happen or that already happened,” says sex therapist Lisa Thomas. Pay attention to what's going on between you and your partner.

If your mind drifts, bring yourself back to what’s at hand – or in your hand.

PractiseUse masturbation as a rehearsal.

“Just knowing you can get an erection and have an orgasm on your own is really helpful,” says Thomas.

Start masturbating as usual, but stop midway and let the erection die down. Then start again and finish.

TalkSimply talking about the problem works for more than half the men Thomas treats.

“Just telling her takes the pressure off, and you can both go into the sexual experience more relaxed,” says Thomas. Your partner may express relief that it’s not her fault. When everyone relaxes, bloodflow returns.