Socialism to Turn Corner ‘Right After This Famine,’ Say Socialists

Clarifying that they were just one small step away from vindicating socialism as an effective political and economic system, earlier this week socialists around the world stated that their ideology was destined to turn the corner “right after this famine.”

“Yup. Just a couple decades of bread lines and abject poverty, and we should be good,” said Skylar Richardson, an avowed socialist who has never worked a day in his life. “I mean, just look at Angola.”

Other leaders noted that once socialist states are able to get over their inevitable collapse under the weight of their crippling centralized bureaucracies, things usually take a turn for the better.

“A few months of starvation and a couple solid purges are always enough to set us back on the straight and narrow,” said North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. “Usually it’s just a matter of getting the right people into internment camps and crushing some key protests that gives the country the boost it needs.”

Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro added that the hyperinflation and food and medical shortages that have driven millions from his country in the past few years are just “a small bump in the road” towards economic equality. Former Soviet leaders also said that the ultimate decent into tyranny and oppression that typically accompanies socialist regimes is a minor price to pay for the illusory prosperity of the working class.

“It’s like they always say,” added Kim, “sometimes you need to kill your people to set them free.”