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Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, November 8, 2008
Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
--- Henri-Frédéric Amiel
Money is the most envied, but the least enjoyed.
Health is the most enjoyed, but the least envied.
--- Charles Caleb Colton
Thanks to Roland for this story:
Case Closed
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of
causing the trouble they were having in the apartment
building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the court.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, "We are
going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all
of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first."
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
Here is a cute classic that brings a smile every time:
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a
child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home?
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "no."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left
home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with
the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what? asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like
a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the
boss asked, "Why are they there?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle: "They're looking for me."
Thanks to Ann for her ocean sunset picture:

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
Too dumb to drive
Train shuts toilets to avoid stopping
GAVLE, Sweden (UPI) -- A train conductor in Sweden said he
was forced to shut down the toilets because too much flushing
could stop the train.
The toilets on the run between Borlange and Gavle were shut off
Sunday because of a high number of passengers and, therefore,
the potential for a high number of flushings, the Arbetarbladet
newspaper reported.
The compressor that triggers the train's emergency brake is
connected to systems that control the toilets, said Mats Gustavsson,
a technician with the Bergslagen train line, the Swedish news
agency tt reported.
If the pressure drops below a certain level, the emergency brakes
trigger automatically, Gustavsson said, noting it literally is possible
to "flush on the emergency brake."
Engineer Hans Kaplan, one of the passengers inconvenienced by
the shutdown, called the situation "completely nuts. There has to
be a mistake in the construction," he said.
------------
In case you are not familiar with how brakes on trains work:
They are applied by very powerful springs, and held off by
air pressure, just like on trucks and buses. To activate them,
air pressure is allowed to drop by bleeding it off. However,
normally the utility air and the brake air is in different lines,
each with it's own reservoir tanks, with valves ensuring that
one system does not affect the other. I would imagine somebody
is going to get severely yelled at for making unsafe shortcuts!
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to
the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch? "
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands
on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you
tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however,
the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in!
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Roland
Re: What is a Registry fixer ?
Dear Webby,
Would you be so kind as to tell me what the Registry Booster
will do for me, and explain it in layman terms:
Roland
Dear Roland
The registry records where programs are located, which program
to use for what type of file, and so on. Basically a Grannie's
cheat sheet.
"Christmas wreaths are in hubby's closet, top shelf. Need stepladder
to get them down."
Because of the way Windows was built, obsolete entries are not
always cleaned out. That entry about the Christmas wreaths from
7 years ago might still be there, even though Grannie switched to
electric Christmas lights 6 years ago. It might say further down,
that the lights are in the garage. But first Grannie gets sent to haul
the stepladder to hubby's closet, where she remembers that she
sold the wreaths on eBay six years ago.
Naturally, that kind of clutter slows things down.
A good registry fixer like Registry Booster backs up the registry,
sorts out the clutter and dumps anything that is obsolete. On a
machine that is a year old or older, that makes quite a noticeable
difference in speed.
It also reduces hang-ups and crashes, because Windows doesn't
get lost in the wrong closets any more.
It's not a "Buy this or die!" situation. If you are never in a hurry,
you can putter along without a registry fixer for many years,
and just gradually get used to the ol klunker getting slower
every year.
Personally, I like fast machines, and I need reliable machines,
so I use the Registry Booster
When I pay X amount of dollars for a certain speed, I demand
that the machine runs at that speed even after 3-4 years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A guy found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and a genie appeared
and gave him the Midas touch. For the rest of his life,
everything he touched turned into a muffler.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStore Return Policies
Before purchasing something, check their return policies. Most
stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like
software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only
accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for
anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase.
Visit ThriftyFun For More Frugal Shopping Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _6425.html
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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*Toddler Diet*
Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or
you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the
all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or
quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is
all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends
you have a gland problem?
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may
have noticed, as I have, that most 2-year-olds are trim. It came to me
one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is
the reason.
After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught
moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering
great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet,
however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have
to see him afterward.
Good luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1
bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass
of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.
Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina
Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop
in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.
Then bring inside and drop on the rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub
in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put
it on the cushion of your best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half-cup of
sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on
plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.