Thanksgiving Finally Has Its Very Own Terrible Song

From Patrice Wilson, the monster who gave us Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” comes “Thanksgiving,” the first single from future ironic t-shirt Nicole Westbrook. It’s the latest “worst song of all-time” entry, and with all due respect to Gnesa, for fear that she might bash me over the head with one of her many synthesizers, it just might be.

“Thanksgiving” is a perfect storm of horrible outfits, empty production, vapid lyrics (“School is out/I can shout/Thank you, thank you, thank you”), and a fantastically awful and uncomfortable music video that oversexualizes a 13-year-old girl. The only way to evaluate “Thanksgiving” Danger Guerrero-style would be to make the post approximately 186 slides long, so let’s just highlight some key moments.

Thanksgiving 2012 lands on November 22, not November 28, meaning this video takes place in the future and Nicole Westbrook isn’t even a teenager. It takes all of 12 seconds before everyone watching feels like a pervert.

NO JEWS ALLOWED.

That looks AWFUL, which makes sense, considering Nicole is negative five years old and shouldn’t be making Thanksgiving dinner by her lonesome. Does she have parents? Are they dead? Is her entire family dead? Is she selling herself on the streets to make ends meet? Sh*t got dark.

Um. Why is that adult, who is CLEARLY not related to Nicole or any of her friends, hanging out with a bunch of kids? And judging by the holiday montage, has been for at least a year.

It bugs me more than it should that when Nicole sings, “Mashed potatoes (eh),” we’re looking at cranberries.

My highlights:
“for what you’ve done and what you did”
Interrupts grace to break it down and rap “I’m trying to be forgiving. Nothing is forbidden” whaaaaa???? It was my favorite part and then I became deeply disturbed by that revelation.
Also that for most of the song I though she was shouting “eggs!” instead of “EH!”