Thursday Funnies

The endless pitch…

Donors of a New Eternity?

Did you know?

This “expedition” was a total catastrophic bust. But that doesn’t match the scientology version in which everything Hubbard ever did was amazing…

Missed a few…

Poor. Overworked. Tired. Ethics trouble. Not clear.

Exclusive (?) Briefing

Why? The “latest news” is deja vu all over again. It’s “coming”….

Poor suckers

Every “ideal org” that struggled to raise their last dollars, and now are struggling to get anyone in the door are hit up again for some OTHER org. Scientology does not believe the old adage about flogging dead horses.

A U.N. Iniciative?

Is that like an initiative?

Why?

Why isn’t he in Perth?

“Expand all of your Dynamics”

Code for “give us your money because it’s the greatest good for all your dynamics because an Ideal Org will benefit all of them.”

Truth Revealed

After more than a decade they now have a FINAL BUDGET! Big news. They have been waiting for this for SO long…

Now they know how many millions short they are. Woohoo….

Nothing like emptiness

I guess they NEVER have anyone in this org? But wait for it, it is “about to be” flooded with people once the SuMP gets rolling….

One of?

Oh no, these guys did not get the memo. Every event is always THE biggest.

The Chan Man Cometh

I guess that FINAL BUDGET is a big one, they are bringing in the heavies… ChanMan and D’Agostini.

Capital Confusion

This guy is becoming a regular with his inability to spell and now capitalize…

This is just strange

It is not “funny” but I thought it worth including somewhere.

This is written in the present tense about his accomplishments until you get to the end and find out he died… Well, he “shed his body” sort of like L. Ron Hubbard, who did it “causatively” and “knowingly” because it was a hindrance to his continued research.

Playing off “The Aftermath”?

Strange choice of title — even capitalized.

Thursday Funnies inside the Thursday Funnies?

Seems to be a lot of imitation happening…

Confidential Briefing

More scientology code words. How confidential can it be when you are supposed to dress up as a Super Hero to win a prize.

Anyone doubt this is an ideal org fundraiser?

Ooohhh THE Stacy Francis?

Houston mission? Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Better than a retirement home?

Probably not.

The BIG News…

Two years later and they are “about to” get things going. It’s the next turning point — they have had so many they have turned so often they are dizzy and disoriented.

Curious?

They do it with their own people, not just the Super Bowl ad…

It’s the Hubbard “mystery sandwich tech.”

When you follow it with “We thought so” it’s one of the most condescending sentences ever to appear in an ad.

Yeah right…

Is Julian Schwarz conducting this? He’s an expert on the subject.

A free prize!

And all you have to do is write a short essay.

Those extension courses are how scientology claims “every 46.1 seconds someone start a course in scientology”. And they have to practically BEG people to sign up for them. And give them away.

In reality, without a real education in the OUTSIDE world, what can one expect? They’ve no access to the proper educational tools for them to understand anything other than what they’ve been spoon fed by “the organization”. IF they had access to outside educational materials, they’d KNOW that all this COS material is nothing more than bullshit.

This goes on for generations…..the children have no choice in what their parents decide FOR them, they will remain as their parents are, limited educationally because the organization doesn’t want them to know there IS another world on the outside where they’d be free to read whatever they want, go where they want, do what they want, & keep the money they earned for themselves. They’d be able to speak to all of their family, no one could prevent that from happening.

HEY to those on the inside….YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR ETERNITY, GET OUT NOW! Be free to live your own life the way YOU want to live it.

Oh man, I kinda love that they referenced the “Caribbean Motion Picture Expedition”. I hope some curious Scientologists decide to try to find more info on that *spectacularly successful* adventure young LRH decided to take.

Because (as I recall) LRH got other people to pay for that entire long, warm, sailing vacation, with a crew of (as I recall) mainly well-heeled college boys — in 1932 — at THE BOTTOM OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION, when my dad was living in a canvas tent in a Hooverville with his formerly middle-class parents, and desperate men were scouring the land for any hard job that paid $5 or $10 per week, barely subsistence wages, and not finding it — I think the CMPE was a precious early example of Hubbard’s lifelong skill for grifting and scamming people out of lots of money with big promises, small substance.

From such small beginnings as the Caribbean Motion Picture Expedition of 1932…..

I’m currently reading Bare-Faced Messiah and that’s exactly what I thought when I read about that expedition. Even at that early stage he showed a total willingness to ignore his own complete lack of ability to deliver what he promised and forge ahead with other people’s money and time.

There are so many possible comments to make on this. Wait, I’m starting to feel a bit confused, my eyes hurt, and I am yawning and getting sleepy. I must have missed a word… or my next cup of coffee.

So Clearing Portland, right… More like making a cadre of Urban Poor. Dress them up in business like suits, pay them in spare change leftover from frequent Starbucks runs, and watch them wander the sidewalks around the Org. on breaks with a kind of yearning look as they pass hipster hangouts.
(Must..keep..TRs…..in…so…hungry)

Scientology sells fake happy and fake certainty. Look at those young peoples faces in those photos. Beaming. Yet every Scientology Mission, Org, Freewinds, AO and Flag experience taught me that Scientology is a “deadly serious activity”. In my 30 years I never saw ONE staff member who looked “AMAZING” Rather they looked tired, terse, angry, shouting, degrading one another, over worked, stressed out or beaten down. Or they turned into some horrible rendition of themselves in order to fit in and not get singled out as “theetie-weedy”. Check out these buttons. ” Dedication, ethical, productive, happy, friendly, brave, certain, courageous, caring, professional, aware, cause, elite, competent and AMAZING” It’s an outrageous and intentionally false appeal in an effort to entice young people to abandon their internal bullshit detector and give their lives over to a cargo container ship full of empty promises and wasted lives and toasted families and fortunes.
There’s one lie Scientology pitches every single day without fail. Join us and YOU WILL BE HAPPY.
Scientology sells fake happy. No case on post. Make it go right. Be uptone. Don’t be down-tone. Sorry no auditing for you, your stats are too low. Make it go right you DB. Oh you want out of here? You are a degraded being. Yes I know last week you attested to OT7 but you want your money back so now your a criminal. It’s so much easier to just FAKE HAPPY your way through Scientology. It’s much cheaper in the long run. And you get to keep your family.
In Scientology there is no REAL happy, only FAKE HAPPY. Just like they specialize in FAKE NEWS and fake expansion.

We recently added a new rollover line in our office. Whoever had it abandoned it because of the gazillion junk calls a day they got I’m sure. I now for the next few months get to deal with (and block) them until they get the hint. Why am I saying this? Because that’s what that last flyer about “free extension courses” brings to mind. If I have time I stay on the line long enough to mess with them a little.

“Hello this is *insert cute bright name ending with nie/ney* calling because you recently requested information regarding low cost health Insurance. First I need to ask you some questions. The first question is an easy one. Are you interest in low-cost health insurance?” I always answer no.

For some reason after that there is always dead air or “thank you for your time” then a dial tone.

No, Brittney, No, the answer is No. Nothing in scientology is free, no matter what you pay for it.

I want to apologize to everyone here because I went overboard with posting in the previous blog entry. It would even be accurate to say I behaved like a spammer. I want you all to know that from now on I will try to limit the number of posts I make to just one or two per day.

I guess that when it comes to this criminal cult, I get so angry thinking about all the abuse they cause. Also, when I wonder why the FBI or other law enforcement just seems unable to do anything about it, I get even angrier and I get carried away with my posting because I just can’t think of any other way for me to strike back.

I do want to say that I hope and pray the Feds will find a way to slap the cuffs on the Tiny Fuhrer and put him into the pen for life. I better stop now. I feel my blood beginning to boil.

I can’t help feel sorry for the guy trying to raise money for the Boston Ideal Org. I was in Prague when Charmaine set up a little event to raise money for the Super Power building. There were only about 20 Scientologists in the Czech Republic and a good wage there is about $70 USD per week.. I asked Charmaine why she would come to Prague to raise money. She said it was a lot better than asking for money in Boston where the public were numb and just stared at you. She said it was refreshing just to talk to people that still had some enthusiasm. Basically they hadn’t been financially abused by Scientology yet.

Yea. I used to marvel at the willingness of Charmaine and others to pummel people to death about giving money. She and others were so mentally abusive when it came to getting money out of others. Amazing how she and they just didn’t/don’t get that they were/are the cause of the loss of enthusiasm.

Oh wow, Chan the Man is at it again. But this time… wait for it… he answers the life long question, “why are you here?”
Geezers, even I know the answer to that. To give your money to Scientology so he gets his 10%.

Michael Chan: Of course!
Aquamarine : OK, I’ll tell you. The truth is I have a terrific excuse to not be here tonite. Honestly, its good. A terrific lie. If I told you what it was you’d definitely fall for it. And frankly, I was all set to use it so that I could avoid your thing, , but then I thought, “Wait! Why am I wasting this brilliant, believable lie on a piss ant seminar when a much better usage of it would be to enable me to totally avoid the March 13th Event?” Because, Mr. Chan, as boring as you are, and as much as I wish I were not here, there’s no comparison to the mental asphyxiation I endure at Int Events! So, my one – and if I may say so myself- brilliant excuse is now safely tucked away for not attending LRH’s Birthday, and, here I am with you! So let’s get started, shall we?

I wonder if you get run over by a bus, or shot by a bank robber, or drown in the backyard pool, if they say you “chose to shed” your body. I all seems quite dubious to me. The mind(spirit)/body dualism runs strong in this crowd. If David Howson had actually fought to hang on to life to the very last second (which he might have done), would Scientology propaganda writers even know it?

I bet the Tiny Fuhrer is also hungry. I have a feeling that Mike and Leah are leading the drive to prepare a great big SHIT SANDWICH for him to enjoy in prison. I really want to help prepare that sandwich. I want to make it big enough that he can take one bite every day for the rest of his life. That should keep him busy for the rest of his life sentence. Please God? Can you help us? Please bless our efforts and help us deliver that sandwich where it belongs.

Could someone please explain how Scientologists can be so bad at spelling? These are mostly people who grew up in English-speaking countries. As Scientologists, they spend a lot of their time with dictionaries, where they see the words spelled correctly. And most software applications have spell-check. For people chasing ideals, they are extraordinarily sloppy. My own theory is that their own subconscious minds are rebelling against the lies they tell for the cult.

No. I know people are being funny, but seriously, it’s not that. Woeful education, I think, especially for those raised in it. But even that doesn’t account for not using spell-check. Is it really possible that all these orgs are being staffed by people brought from overseas on religious visas? Another possibility I thought of is this tremendous pressure for “stats” by a certain time. No time for spell-check.

As a non-Scientologist and outsider looking in,I would never call people involved in this cult stupid. From what I have observed,many have an initial genuine desire to help people. The actual dynamic of Scientology itself is what is stupid and now being exposed as hopelessly a joke to all sane people. As someone said before,the nomenclature is enough for anyone to scream right out of the doors. I worked for a service industry where the company required us to speak in its company lingo when communicating with coworkers. I lasted for 2 years with the company until I couldn’t take the garbage anymore. If people are focused on the “correct “ lingo rather than actual grammar,it can be easy to make mistakes. I feel sorry for those who commit at young ages to the Sea Org and do not receive a proper education . But that pity stops when they defend this organization and refuse to leave .

I thought the same thing as I read through all the material today. It is not only the spelling that is incorrect but the grammar is appalling. Perhaps Scientology should encourage children to stay in school and allow attendance at an accredited institution through high school. I guess it would cut down on child labor for the Sea Org. It is entertaining to read the Thursday funnies, but quite sad and pathetic, too. The obituary for Mr. Howson was unbelievable, yet heartbreaking. Thank you, Mr. Rinder, for your continued efforts in exposing this cult.

Maybe they’re Russians, Poles, Hungarians and Czechs with English as their 2nd language. I’ve read the cult now mainly obtains its under 30 staff from the Eastern block countries. If so, this would not only explain grammar and spelling errors in the flyers but be a good indicator of a lack of native English speaking staff overall in the cult, or else why would they use foreigners to write their flyers?

Let me see if I have this straight: provided they go Ideal, with the right building all renovated just so, Kansas City Org and its Midwest Warriors will then be able to clear 6 (six) states…so cough it up, guys, there’s a whole Heartland to clear. The time is now.

I think I’m finally past the point now of feeling in the least sorry for the imbeciles who still believe this. Not the UTRs pretending to go along while making plans to leave (and probably reading here). Not them. More power to them.

But the ones, if any, still falling for this, hook, line, and sinker, I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. Let Co$ screw them because if not Co$ someone else or some other organization would be screwing them. No doubt Miscavige holds the same viewpoint: “Hey, I might as well take them for all their worth because if they’re this dumb they’d be someone else’s victims anyway”. And he’d be right about that. Its possible that some people are just too stubborn and stupid to live. I’m all for continuing to get the truth out there, but these people who are going down with the ship – goodbye and good luck.

In reference to what you mention as “Still-Ins,” I would like to add a category to that list: the Class Sixes and Eights that are still in the cherch auditing, CSing (all using Tiny Fists’ bastardization of the Tech, and lest not forget that AppleBox Boy has cancelled the SHSBC and the Class VIII Course), FSMing, giving these horrific seminars (because no one will purchase the actual Miscavige redone checksheet/course), being a shill and regging AS a Tech Terminal, while basically ignoring KSW. One example is Drew Johnston whom I mention only because he has been a frequent addition to Thursday Funnies, however there are many more.

I’ve been of the opinion for some time that these particular still-ins are contributing to this horrible cherch full-force and are in actual fact, active members a Squirrel Group.

I have no more compassion for them whatsoever. It cannot be ignored that their contributing to the motion results in more families being torn apart, that refunds are not honestly paid up front, that Sea Org conditions are horribly criminal, that young children are forcibly taken and used as slave labor, that money is drained from the membership not for courses or auditing, but for PsychoPants’ pockets. The life of this abomination of a cherch would be cut at least in half were there no auditors or CSes to deliver.

This particular group of Still-Ins should be wholly ashamed of themselves.

WWAW, your words were not a rant,but a cry of pain that the Still In auditors and CSs have turned blind eyes to blatant , extremely harmful out-tech and are fine with practicing it – perpetrating it, would be more accurate.

The auditing I got was not much in quantity but it was,with one sole exception, high quality. Again, with one small exception, my auditors were there for me. I benefited a great deal. That all changed, according to all I’ve read. All that changed starting in the mid-90s from what I’ve read.

Well, those auditors and CS’s who back in the day observed the required changes to the tech and said, “No way. I’m not going along with this”, were booted out and as such,were and are, BLESSED.

Those in that same group who turned their blind eyes, obeyed and dutifully dispensed their out-tech were, and are, CURSED.

Those too young to know what’s out tech or in tech will one day find out and have to deal with their shame regret and the harm they caused, even if it wasn’t intentional.

All in all, a very, very sad scene. A calamity, really, that’s actually too profound for words, too deep for tears.

Ah yes, the mission of the Scientologists in the fourth largest city in the US (Houston) in such a lovely, easily accessed location right next to the Habibi Lounge. At least it’s close to a kolache bakery.

David Howsen, RIP. At least you are free from the cult. In the next few years Scientology will lose many of its hard core members. There a no new replacements.
Those who will NEVER leave are now leaving their bodies in droves.

The reg. who refused my refund request actually told me that I can use the balance on account in my next lifetime. Part of the refusal. They will be able to verify my identity to access the account.
Apparently, as a toddler in my next lifetime I am supposed to start life with no comm. lags. Imagine, “Mommy, curious?” (Creepy)

The Still-Ins actually believe this has happened before and absolutely will happen. It is taught in a specific course, forgot, maybe FoT. Oh, and the sec. check from a MAA had reincarnation as one of the questions to filter out the true cultists from the spies, SPs, covert hostiles, etc. #stupifying
No doubt, David Howsen is expected back. RIP.

That’s what I was going to say Mary! I was going to say they should be fantastic at pointing out somebody who lies and manipulates because that’s pretty much what a Scientologist does all the time! Who is Michael Chan?! He is just all over the place… is that how he makes a living just going from seminar to seminar to seminar? I think the grammatical errors are a hoot!!! That’s what happens when you are brought up in a Scientology school the reading, writing and arithmetic are kind of thrown to the wayside.

“Why do addicts lie and manipulate?” To get money for drugs or booze or to hide their addictions. If you need to go to a seminar to find that out you’re far stupider than I thought. But of course, that’s not why you’re going; you’re going to the seminar to get fleeced. End of story.

Or that Tom Selleck movie, Quigley Down Under.
The Americanisation of Australia has been going on for some time now. Geezers, I even married an American gal. The cultures have very similar aspirations. Even the Australian Constitution was roughly modelled on the US Constitution (except the British still have it’s claws in the Australian way of life, and wealth with the Westminster system of politics).
I know a little of the military ties between the two countries and we truly are, “brothers in arms.”
What Scientology is doing with it… well, using it to steal more money is my guess.
The greenback is still the most valuable thing on the planet imo. There isn’t anyone who does want them that I’ve ever seen, even the terrorists can’t get enough of ’em!

Yep, the Governor General, the Queen’s representative.
Sir John Robert Kerr, AK, GCMG, GCVO, QC was the 18th Governor-General of Australia. He dismissed the Labor government of Gough Whitlam on 11 November 1975, marking the climax of the most significant constitutional crisis in Australian history.
Biggest load of bs in Australian history imo. Made no difference in the slightest to the economy or foreign policy. It did demonstrate however “democracy” is a joke when you have the control of the money.
Good memory of world affairs Mike.

There are many eternities. Do you want to go to Star Wars heaven or Star Trek heaven? Please don’t go to Battlefield Earth heaven, it is poorly constructed and leaks snark and racism all over the carpet.

It’s interesting how we on the outside and backed away in full or in part from the cult mindset can look at any one of these “funnies” and see pain, torture, sleep deprivation, lies, heartache….
I have to say, I do especially love the main text of one of these “WHY ARE YOU HERE?” That’s what every scientologist should ask themselves.

Important Quotes

If the org slumps during this transition period, don't engage in "fund raising"
or "selling postcards" or borrowing money. Just make more income with Scientology.
L Ron Hubbard From HCOPL URGENT ORG PROGRAMMING

"We own a tremendous amount of property. We own a tremendous amount of material and so forth, and it keeps growing.
But that’s not important. When buildings get important to us, for God sakes, some of you born revolutionists will you please blow up central headquarters".
L Ron Hubbard Lecture 31 Dec 1960

"Personal integrity is knowing what you know. What you know is what you know and to have the courage to know and say what you have observed".- LRH from Personal Integrity

"It is necessary to happiness of man, that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists of professing to believe what he does not believe." Thomas Paine

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” - Martin Luther King

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King

“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“Communication is the universal solvent” - L Ron Hubbard

“When men yield up the privilege of thinking, the last shadow of liberty quits the horizon.” Thomas Paine

"Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world would do this, it would change the earth." William Faulkner

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." Dalai Lama