My mom was supposed to live to at least 95. Her mom had lived to 95, as had many of her female relatives. She ran her first marathon at age 60, piloted her own plane, and at age 70 showed absolutely no signs of slowing down.

So we never gave a moment’s thought as to how we’d care for her husband, thirteen years her senior, who we adoringly call Pop Pop.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, we (all 7 of us) were in charge of Pop Pop’s care.

For the first year-and-a-half after mom, Mike & Theresa’s passing, he was the picture of health. But, sadly, this past winter, he suffered debilitating back pain, and, at 83, underwent not one, not two, but three major back surgeries in the span of five months.

Overnight, our confident, independent, hard-charging New Yorker was reduced to a shadow of his former self. We installed raised toilet seats, cheered him on as he bravely did his rounds of PT, checked in on him every day, and quietly wrung our hands with worry.

After an unbelievably tough spring, Pop Pop asked us if we would demanded we enable him to spend the summer at his favorite spot on earth – a secluded cabin near Lake Champlain. Not willing to deny him this joy, we all agreed to figure out, by hook or by crook, how to scrape together enough time off so he was never alone at the cabin.

My boys and I have been with him for the past 10 days and will be with him through Labor Day. Juggling the needs of a 3-year-old, a 6-year-old, and an ailing 83-year-old has been an amazing, sometimes scary, eye-opening experience that has unequivocally made me a better mom.

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This time with your father and your boys sounds idyllic, but I know better. I am currently sandwiched, torn between worrying about my parents and caring for my own family and responsibilities. It’s a profoundly confusing time. But the fact that it often brings grandkids, daughters and sons and parents all together does make it a gift as well. Thanks for this post.

http://agirlcalledshroom.tumblr.com/ Pennie

What an interesting topic. I don’t care actively for my mother in law, because she can still care for herself but is quite infirm. She has a lot of pain because of arthritis and rheumatism, she has a skin condition that’s uncommon and painful and causes painful blisters, and she’s also losing her eyesight. We live nearby and check on her often but don’t CARE for her per se because she has a home health aide and because she’s, er, stubborn 😛 My kids, 2 years and 10 months, are her only grandchildren. She jokes that when they come over for 2 hours, she sleeps for 3 days Seeing that juxtaposition between age and youth tempers the experience of life like nothing else. Takes PATIENCE. OCEANS AND OCEANS OF PATIENCE.

http://www.babycenter.com ari

this is a test.

Elle B

This is a truly beautiful perspective on what you (and others) are going through and offers a great deal of insight into what may be in the future for many of us…as well as a chance to grow from your experience even if it never becomes ours. Thank you.

Denise

Thank you for posting about this–with the baby boomer generation getting older, this will be something that we all will have to live with. Its nice to see the positive attitude and outcomes that you’ve put into this story.

http://www.carefortheelderly.ie/ Caring Home

When someone looking for a home caregiver service, than make sure that they can choose the best and most reputable service so that all of your needs are met. You do not want to pay money for assistance that isn’t really assisting, and you want to make sure that your loved ones are being properly cared for no matter what their situation may be.

anon.

Wow! What beautiful timing. My 80-something mother-in-law suffered a serious head injury a few months ago. Caring for her right now is a lot like caring for a baby. She needs to be fed, changed, bathed, and loved. She is moving in with us soon. I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, and I refuse to see this situation as anything but a blessing. Of course, I’m anticipating some serious growing pains as we adjust to having her as a member of our household. I think I will keep this blog entry handy and read it when we have those inevitable rough moments.

kemesha

Wow!! its amazing how life can change in the blink of an eye, but we have no choice but to pick up the pieces and move on. The most beautiful and amazing thing in life is family and pop pop is lucky to have you guys in his life. I’ve always lived by the saying “God doesn’t give us more than we can bear” so I’m sure you’ll be blessed because of your unselfishness. Even though it may seem like a tough time i can’t imagine how priceless those moments are that you guys are creating, god bless you all.
PS. i think your an incredible individual.

Liana W.

Wonderful perspective! I hope that I am able to remember this post when it comes time for me. I know that my husband and I will be the ones to take primary care of my parents when they reach that point (both of my brothers will be taking care of their in-laws). I don’t want to think about it too much, yet. They are still so young!

Casey

2 months after having my son at 22 yrs old my 63 yr father suffered a massive heart attack. He was without oxygen for 30 mins. There for suffered a brain injury. I’m his only family. so I was responsIble. It was really difficult leaving my baby to be at the hospital to make medical decisions. Anyhow after being resesitated 5 different times, double bipass, and a 6 mth stay at a nursing home he was able to come home with me. It’s really stressful he’s not the same person. Its hard to want to take care of him do to our rocky father daughter relationship from the past. I feel so resentful and detached. I hate having this attitude. I know I’m doing a good thing. I’m just worried about the stress it brings to my husband. And the time it takes away from my son. But I try to think how it’s a miracle he survived and things will be better one day.

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