Monday, June 28, 2010

Boy meets girl. Boy likes the girl. The girl likes the boy. They meet again and again. They come closer – emotionally, mentally and soon, physically. They are in love. The boy proposes, the girl accepts. Or the other way around. They get married and are supposed to live happily ever after. The End. No way. In fact, it is the beginning of a new chapter of adjustment, compromise, suppression, mental torture, slavery, violence and even killing. They may sort it out themselves. The one who gives in first, has to give way for the rest of his/her life. Or they divorce. This is the story of the marriage today.

As women assert their equal rights under the law; become more and more educated; are able to earn and support themselves; and enjoy sexual freedom with contraceptives; marriage has become weaker – indeed collapsed. So a ‘live in’ relationship without getting married is fast becoming popular. Indeed, the legal systems of the west, and now India too, have accepted this relationship. A new bill before the Indian parliament, when it becomes law, will allow single men, women and even gays and lesbians to have children using surrogate mothers. Women do not need a man to bear a child. A man does not need a woman to bear his child. The pill and the condom have freed a woman from bearing a child. A women does not need a man bear a child, she can use a donor sperm. She does not need a man to support her as better education has enabled her to earn and live the life she wants.

In a lead article, 'I Don't', Newsweek dated 28 June - 5 July says, “As an institution, marriage is described by sociologists as 'broken'. From a legal, financial and practical viewpoint, marriage is no longer necessary.”

The facts tell the same story. The percentage of married persons has dropped every decade since 1950s, while the number of unmarried partners has risen 1,000 per cent over the last 40 years. Births out of wedlock are 52 per cent in Sweden, 50 per cent in France, 42 per cent in the UK, 41 per cent in USA. And 15 other EU countries had an estimated average of 33 per cent, the annual ONS' Social Trends report said. In 1980, births outside marriage in the UK was a meager 12 per cent., according to he Office for National Statistics.

Half of all babies will be born to unmarried mothers by 2012 if present trends continue, says new research that suggests the rapid erosion of moral and religious taboos. Moreover, fewer than half of families will consist of married couples and up to a third could be lone parents, said Dr Peter Brierley, a former Government statistician now specialising in religious trends.

No wonder the western sociologists now say that marriage, as an institution, is broken. Osho said this over 40 years ago. Osho talked about all these aspects of marriage happening now. But with one major difference – he looked into the future and spoke more than four decades ago. He said marriage is irrelevant if one is in love; women have become more empowered with education and contraceptives, why one should not live in misery in an unhappy marriage, and divorce should be an easy and even an enjoyable option. If a marriage does not work, said Osho, untie the knot by going round the fire ceremony in the opposite direction! In the same style, divorce parties have now become popular in the west.

Osho said, “I am not against marriage -- I am for love. If love becomes your marriage, good; but don't hope that marriage can bring love. That is not possible. Love can become a marriage. You have to work very consciously to transform your love into a marriage.

“I am for the REAL marriage. I am against the false, the pseudo, that exists. But it is an arrangement. It gives you a certain security, safety, occupation. It keeps you engaged. Otherwise, it gives you no enrichment, it gives you no nourishment.

“Passion alone is not able to sustain love; compassion is needed. If you are able to be compassionate towards the other; if you are able to accept his limitations, his imperfections; if you are able to accept him the way he is or she is and STILL love -- then one day a marriage happens. That may take years. That may take your whole life.

“Marriage is a trap: you will be trapped by the woman and the woman will be trapped by you. It is a mutual trap. And then legally you are allowed to torture each other forever. The very institution of marriage is ugly, the very institution is anti-love. It is based on denying love a chance to flower within you. Marriage is an invention of those who don't want the earth to be full of flowers of love. Love is dangerous to the establishment, the most dangerous thing, because if people are loving then this society is doomed. This society depends on hatred, not on love,” said Osho.

Friday, June 4, 2010

You hear this lament quite often these days. But there is absolutely no reason to be bored. After all, you have the 24-hour radio, the 24-hour TV, the 24-hour Internet, your mobile, new and old films, unlimited music albums and videos, a vast range of magazines and books, live shows, museums, exhibitions, public lectures...the list is endless. You have all the entertainment you can possibly enjoy and yet you are bored. What's wrong? Maybe you have an easy life.

One thing is clear: the answer to your boredom lies within you – not outside. You cannot blame your school or college, you job or business, the traffic or routine chores. Some people are bored temporarily but others seem to be bored all along because they are dissatisfied with their lives. Short term or long term, boredom takes a heavy toll. If it carries on, it turns into depression and you slide downhill on the slippery road of mental ill health – a major concern of our modern society. The advance of science and technology has given us more free time than ever before as we do not spend much of our time doing the routine chores now. Yet we don't know what to do with all this free time we have. Nothing commands our attention for long as we get bored quickly. Just watch yourself flipping TV channels and you will find out how you get bored within seconds.

Can you think when you are not bored? Yes, when you are in love. Your heart has a special bouncy beat as you think of your beloved all the time - remembering the last phone call over and over, constantly sending and getting SMSs or MMSs, counting the minutes to your next date or just thinking about your beloved all the time about what is she/he doing right now. Great while it lasts.

You are never bored when you face a real challenge in your life. You have focused all your energies, all your resources and all your thinking to plan and survive against heavy odds. You have no time to be bored because you are fighting for your life or a very cherished aim. This works until you overcome the challenge.

But how to fight boredom for your whole life? He says, “A man also should be a little raw, a little wild, ready to live in insecurity, ready to risk, ready to go on the un-trodden paths, always ready to take the challenge of the dangerous. Then life is every moment an ecstasy, and boredom disappears.”Osho advises, “Try, if you cannot do anything else, then only do this: commit suicide as far as your ego is concerned. You will never get bored. You will be like an empty mirror. Whatsoever is reflected is always new because the mirror is empty, it cannot compare. It cannot say, "I have seen this face before."

Bored people end up committing suicide and kill their bodies. Osho advises you to meditate regularly and kill your ego – not your body. Become the empty mirror, become ego less. And then there is no boredom - all life is a blessing, a deep ecstasy.