I host a GLAAD Award-winning radio show on Sirius XM Radio called "Derek and Romaine". I wrote a book (finally). I star in a video podcast called "The So Real Life" on iTunes. I watch a lot of TV. I drink with my friends. I travel all the time. This is my life.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Double Talk

What a week.

Generally, I lead a very quiet life (as my infrequently updated blog can attest). This week turned out to be something else. In a nutshell, seven days ago, I got a call from Chi Chi La Rue asking if Romaine and I wanted to co-host (along with Lady Bunny) the GayVN Awards (after Romaine had not so subtly asked John Rutherford about it on the show). Romaine spilled the beans on the air. I posted it in our weekly newsletter. JC Adams picked up the assumedly harmless item on GayPornTimes.com, and then the shit hit the fan. First, it was Jason Sechrest with his cutesy, bitchy patter about what a letdown we are compared to last year's host Kathy Griffin (agreed). Then came an anonymous posting on NakedSword.com's new blog TheSword.com where we were raked over the coals. I posted one of my usual dignified and restrained responses. And now that brings me to the latest curious twist in the whole matter.

In a follow-up posting, the previously anonymous blogger identified himself as one Michael Stabile (pronounced like stuh-bile, not stable) and instantly the name looked so familiar but I couldn't quite place it. The follow-up posting was a snarky mea culpa that somehow lumped our filthy, deranged outrage of a show into the category of establishment gay media with only queer identity politics as a focus. It is clear that Mike has never heard our show because if he had, he would have noticed that second only to sloppiness and a certain lack of professionalism, the number one complaint about our show is that it isn't about anything (i.e. gay marriage, politics, gay issues, gender issues). We never met a dirty bathroom story we didn't like and last week an hourlong discussion by our listeners of disgusting things they experienced at work will likely be the highlight of the year.

Oh but Mike was listening. At least on the day we were talking about his blog posting and gently ribbing Jason Sechrest about his video blog. He had even emailed me a personal email earlier in the day and then called the show. His email (titled "Contrition, Conflation and Contractions" and scheduled for publication in 2009 in a new book of essays called "SAT Words I Use Every Day") stood in stark contrast to his spicier blog postings:

"I don't actually have a subscription, I've heard you a few times but I'm not a big talk radio fan... I actually feel badly that I hurt your feelings -- and more particular that I made an already stressful event even more stressful for you. You guys are charming, but it's just not my bag... I'd love to see you guys when you're in town and apologize in person. You'll do great -- don't worry -- and I'll clap heartily. "

When I got the email, it struck me again how familiar his name was. A quick search through my mail brought up this classic gem he sent to our show producer dated April 24, 2006(the bold is my emphasis):

"I'm the producer of the Tim & Roma Show (www.timandroma.com) adult-oriented (though not hardcore) webcast and the editor of the GayPornBlog (www.gaypornblog.com). We're huge fans of Derek and Romaine and my on-air talent has been prodding me to make contact with you for sometime. While we've worked with many of the same people (COLT Studio's John Rutherford and Kristofer Weston, Violet Blue, Dr. Carol Queen) and covered many of the same topics, I'm interested in seeing if we could work more closely together. "

And he signed off with the following:

"Please keep up the good work -- and please thank Derek and Romaine for keeping me going on a day-to-day basis."

When I confronted him on my radio show about the apparent contradictions between his insistence that the show isn't his bag with his previous email, he replied that he was just doing his job as a producer. Which I assume since the tone of his blog is very different from the tone of his emails, by voicing opinions he doesn't actually believe, he is just doing his job as a blogger.

The big problem I have here is that while he may claim to be a nice guy underneath it all, he just comes off to me like a chronic and habitual liar. The listeners have complained that when he was on the show and I had him in my crosshairs, I didn't fire with deadly force. But that just isn't my style. On a certain level, Mike is right: we are just all here trying to make a living. I just happen to think there are better ways to go about doing it.

You know, ones that don't involve being willfully uninformed and then lying about it.

Derek, After listening to you for a couple years, it's clear you could cut through this guy like a hot knife through blogger, but you choose to maintain decorum and dignity instead. You have an amazing sense of restraint that I admire. Your show rarely disappoints in the humor and shock value and I have few doubts that the GAYVN Award Night will any different. Good luck, All the best.

Hey. i know from listening to the show in the past that you are a clothes whore but a cheap bastard since you like to keep your funds for booze. :PI thought of you when I saw that Old Navy (one of the stores you mentioned you frequent on the show) is having a $10 sale on their Classic Pique Polos for men. Time to update that wardrobe for cheap, just like you. http://www.oldnavy.com/browse/product.do?pid=419570142&tid=ONAF86&ap=2&siteID=1798476*kisses* and hurry back to Dallas with my t-shirt I never received.Donald - one of the 2 bears that said hi to you by Sue Ellen's

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Hello There

Derek Hartley is the co-host of the GLAAD Award-winning talk show Derek and Romaine. Launched in April of 2003, Derek and Romaine is a popular evening radio show airing on the OutQ Channel on SiriusXM 108. Prior to the launch of Derek and Romaine, Derek was the author of a weekly column on PlanetOut.com called FantasyMan Island, starting in February 1997. He is the author of two books Colonnade: A Life In Columns and When Nightlife Falls. He lives in New York.