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Friday, March 18, 2005

A Man of Letters

Those of you who are on my political email distribution list got a chance yesterday to read the letter my friend Joel sent to "Jeff Gannon." Because I enjoyed that letter so much, I'm going to reprint it here. In addition, for your entertainment and enjoyment, I'm putting up his even more recent letter to Pat Robertson's Regent University, thanking them for having recently hired John Ashcroft.

Joel needs to start his own blog, so that he can post this sort of thing himself. (In fact, he may be pursuing that very goal right now.)

By the way, in case you're wondering, the address to send email to "Jeff Gannon" is comments@jeffgannon.com. Not that I'm trying to encourage any of you folks out there to send him a nastygram telling him he's a vain, vapid cock-headed man-whore without a shred of credibility, because deep down, in his heart of hearts, he probably already knows full well that he's a vain, vapid cock-headed man-whore without a shred of credibility.

I mean, I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, here's Joel's letter to "Jeff":

so, how does it really feel to slam the very sexuality you aretied to by nature? or were you just moonlighting on those websitesand advertisements? and what exactly do you mean when you say thatyou are "on hiatus" from the white house press room? do you seriouslythink you would ever be invited back now that you have been shownto be a liar and a shill? hiatus means "on a break" or "vacation".you have been shunned, turned away, disassociated from, given theheave-ho. a better career move might be to challenge tonya hardingto a wrestling match, although i'd be leery of betting my money onyou. while you have a very creepy quality about you (i.e. you changeyour name, get by the secret service "somehow", toss sophomoricquestions that make even the biased cringe in their argyles, thenwhine about the unfairness of your outing [in both senses of theword]), which should make even the stoutest of heart unwilling totouch you in fear of some loathsome legion attaching itself to theirsouls, ms. harding has enough similar qualities in terms of shamelessself-promoting and ability to sell oneself's bedrock identity inreturn for an extra 15 minutes worth of fame to actually be able tograpple with you. think about it while you slip further into yourchasm of self-demise.

And here is his letter to Regent University, regarding the hiring of John Ashcroft:

I'd like to thank you for taking in John Ashcroft as a teacher. Ibelieve it shows your commitment to support the economy and keeppeople away from the unemployment lines. While Mr. Ashcroft may haveshown himself to be a liar, a hypocrite, a perjurer and a politicalopportunist (who would stop at nothing to further the agenda of anyonewho outranked him, thereby making him a toady as well), it is withglee that I regard your hiring of him. Better the enemy I know at apre-fab "university" in plain sight then then the enemy I know somewhereout in the ether where I can't see him. So, thank you for putting himback in the bulls-eye of the media. Now, I can continue to hear of hisstrident, anti-American remarks about how we Liberals are ruining thecountry and making it a Godless place for you Chosen People who knowoh-so-much more than we about how God wants this country to be run.Thank you and God Bless You as your bosses make a mockery of a dilemmathat most likely started out as a simple question: what gives you theright to call someone like me a transgressor merely because I think orbelieve differently than you?

Nice work, Joel. Get a blog of your own going and I'll be sure to put up a link to it.