About Sista Melba~

Greetings!
My mantra is, "I am more than a conquerer THRU Him that loved me…" (Romans 8:37). Those words sum up my relationship with God. Although I was raised on the pew and taught what was right to do, I didn't always do it. I have thoroughly and with an common fervor lived life in the world. If I died today I would not be mad because I have lived enough to fill 5 or 6 lifetimes and have completed my repertoire of sin. In some circles I am the last one standing. Those that I use to run with having perished by death, insanity, disease, mental illness, lifetime imprisonment, or are MIA - lost to this world in one way or another. Yet, I'm still here! It definitely wasn't because I was so good, but because He is! Nothing that I went thru was just because. It was God preparing me for this moment right now. Real life experience coupled with God's Word gives me the ability to relate to people on a heart level. The Word that God has given me to go forth with comes from that unique perspective.
Your Sista in Christ
Melba~

This morning as I sat quietly, God reminded me that the only reason He spared me from the perils of the world, was so that I can tell about it.Although I was a participant, I was also a witness to suffering.Yesterday, August 21st marked the twenty – fifth anniversary of Karyn Monique White’s death. She was my road dog. We were determined to ride or die – and she did. She was shot to death when we were twenty – five years old. The last time her mother saw her alive was the day I drove her up to the family’s beautiful home nestled in the hills above what was then Cal State Hayward.She was her parents only child. I was embarrassed to find out through conversation that her mother had worked side by side with my Dad. She was gracious to me and never spoke a word of admonition to me. The fact that she knew who my father was and what he stood for was enough to choke me up as dropped my head in shame. We visited for awhile and she unpacked all of her perfumes and other things Karyn wanted and sent her with the newly bought things she wanted her to have.

The trendy blue jean jumpsuit that Mrs. White had given Karyn was the one she chose to wear that day. That morning as the two of got into my little Fiat Spider, Karyn shared a dream she had the night before. She said that she couldn’t see my face but everything indicated that I had been shot. She said she picked me up, Karyn was 5’10” tall, and ran with me through the streets looking for a hospital, blood was everywhere. That day was unlike any I’ve experienced before or since. I had the strangest sensation. A feeling I just couldn’t shake. She asked me to take her to three different places. When she’d start to get out of the car, I’d stop her, and tell her not to go. My voice was the one, she’d always hear. I wouldn’t leave her there and for the stuff she was doing she needed me to. As it turned out at each place an ambush lay waiting for her. Night finally came., we’d been driving around all day. We ended up of all places in the parking lot of a Mortuary, waiting for someone.The feeling that had all that day was so intense that I was spooked. We had to get out of there. I put my car in gear and sped forward. I forgot that I was parked in front of a cement parking block – all I see was the street. My car was very low and the manifold to my engine cracked as I ran over it. We made it into the traffic but my car was loud. We had to park and call for a ride. We went to a safe house. The car that was sent for us was a two seater Mercedes. I had to wait for it’s return – it never did. I never saw Karyn alive again. I had to take her belonging back to her mother, to sit with her, and answer the many questions she had. She had heard many rumors and she looked to me for the truth. I did for Karyn what I hoped someone would do for me. I discounted the truth of what I knew. Her mother was suffering enough in her grief losing her only child. I could not see how disclosing the hard facts of Karyn’s life would be beneficial – it would only cause her mother more pain. I didn’t heart to do it. If I was wrong, I’m prepared to answer for it on judgment day.

GOD USED

Until this very moment, I’ve never spoken about Karyn or what happened to her. That incident was something I stuffed deeper within me. A heavy weight on my soul that I’ve carried with me for twenty-five years. I don’t know what it’s true impact on my life has been. I don’t know why God would stir it up and have me regurgitate it now. six days before my fiftieth birthday.What I do know is that God has used everything that I’ve gone thru for someone’s good. Somebody’s got to be a witness, to recount the story just as it was. I probably will never know who needed to hear this bit of my testimony, why they needed to hear it or how it will impact their lives. The telling helped me, my spirit feels lighter.What comes to mind is this verse of scripture (personalized), “And I overcame him, the enemy of my soul, by the word of my testimony…” Rev. 12:11. What the enemy has tried to use throughout my life to destroy me, God has circumvented and used for the good of others and His glory. Because I stand victorious, enduring continuously until the end, somebody had been inspired, found hope, and knows that God is real!

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Yesterday, I happened into “Get on up,” the James Brown movie by mistake. The first line of the movie was “James Brown don’t need nobody…” I thought about that as my son and I found, sat down, and watched the kids movie we actually came to see. That line kept playing through my mind, probably because I had just had words with a dear friend of mine. I was still a bit wounded. I wasn’t intending on taking my son to the movies but it was an escape. My feelings were still hurt and I was trying not to be still angry. Although we had words, we each retreated before something was said that could not be easily retracted and would form a black cloud over our blossoming friendship. Nothing is all gravy all the time and misspoken words can never be taken back.

As I was sitting there, my mind personalized and replayed James Brown’s words, “I don’t need nobody.” I thought about him, James Brown. With all due respect to his memory, that may have been what he actually believed, but it wasn’t true. How could it be? His amazing accomplishments that spanned many decades required interdependence. Just off the top of my head, his success was based on a network of musicians, singers, studio people, writers, agents, promoters, managers, club owners, record labels, and a huge fan base. I’m sure I missed something, but the point is he wasn’t singularly responsible for his own success. It took the knowledge, expertise, talent, and support of many people on many levels to make it happen.

The same is true for me, God has called me to a purpose. It is mine. However, the completion of it is dependent on interdependence. The primary connection is with the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. My family/extended family are priceless. Other vital relationships are with folks in the Body of Christ with whom I’m on a mutual faith walk with. Not to mention my growing professional network. Also, the many people I know who don’t share my faith – I don’t devalue my relationships with them. Those relationships are important to me to because they add something to my life. All of these put together form the intrinsic network of people – the infrastructure that I need to do life successfully and accomplish my divine purpose in this life. I’m grateful for everyone who is present in my life.

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As I was reading today’s lesson on Ethics, what immediately came to mind was a situation that haven’t thought of in a long time. In 2000, I was working for an IPO Start Up company in Silicon Valley. We had an in house training program for our consultants for which I was Coordinator. We had a great gentleman, who we contracted with to do all of our Soft Skill Trainings. I worked closely with him. I came in on a Monday morning to find an email from his wife detailing his untimely death over the weekend. I’d never met her; she was merely a voice over the phone who I spoke to when he wasn’t there. When he died my company owed him thousands of dollars. I went to my boss and told him that in order to save her further grief, I could generate the necessary invoices for his trainings so that we could get her paid. He asked if she was aware of exactly how much we owed him. I told him that I wasn’t sure. I could already see where the conversation was going. He told me not to expedite the payment. His intent was to make her bill us in hopes that the company wouldn’t have to pay for all of the trainings he’d completed before his death. I went back to my office with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t understand what kind of person would take a grieving widow through such unnecessary hardship when we had the ability to expedite her process. The decision that I made, was the right one; however, I knew that it would cost me my job.

I returned to his office and told him that I’d have no part of that process. I couldn’t do something like that, look into my own eyes at the end of the day and be okay with myself. What I did, was call the wife when I got home from work. I told her what my boss planned to do, and what she needed to do to circumvent it. She faxed over the invoices to me. I rallied the troops in the office, who moved the paperwork quickly through the normal lengthy accounts payable process. The paperwork was hand carried into the office of the CFO, who I had already gotten his verbal agreement to sign off on it and generate a special check upon his receiving it. When the CFO called me to pick up the check,it totaled$75,000.00. I tendered my resignation on that same day. I left that date with my box of personal belongings, and the widow’s check in hand. My professional integrity remained uncompromised and my personal honor was intact. I had done all that God had required me to do.

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Wow, everyday of this 40 Day Soul Fast I get exactly the word that I need. Tolerance is not about me condoning bad behavior, lifestyles I don’t necessarily agree with or things I think are wrong. It’s about me accepting each person’s God given right to choose what is right or wrong for themselves, believe what they want to believe and decide their own individual destiny. Everyone must choose their own path and I’ve got to be alright with that. It is not my job to fix people, only God can do that, and only if person allows Him to. My job as a human being is to love and accept other human beings right where they are.

Interestingly enough today’s topic is JUSTICE…as I think of justice in this world that I live in tears come to my eyes and my spirit is saddened with the realization that my life and those of my children, mother, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, friends and many of those that I love are worth virtually nothing in this land in which we live. When I read,

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense the general welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” Preamble – U.S. Constitution, September 1787

It’s been 227 years since it’s writing, seems like it’s concepts would be fully embraced and applied by now; that the pendulum of justice would be truly swinging freely – equally for all people. By now, some things that are still issues, should have been removed from the table long ago. Some things that are happening in the world, just shouldn’t be for they threaten the safety, peace and well being of us all – diminishing our humanity.

This morning, I ran across this quote,

“When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.” Martin Luther King, Jr., June 1965

I believe that because there is a God, that there is still hope for mankind. At the end of it all, Divine Justice will prevail. We all must stand before a just and holy God and give an account for our lives and stewardship on this earth. May God have mercy on us all.

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Today’s lesson sums everything up very nicely and speaks to my heart’s desire – TO DO THE RIGHT THING, according to the word of God. When I fall short, as I often do, what brings me back into alignment is knowing that’s God’s expectation for me. That supersedes what I may want to do and society justifies. My goal is to live a decent, morally (not politically) correct life before God and my children. I’m human, fallible yet today I’m ever willing as I pray, “create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Today’s reading is right on time for me, as I struggle to reign in the summer’s loose structure and begin the Fall Semester. When I got out of the comp orate infrastructure to devote myself to my son’s education and upbringing,I got out of a regimented schedule. For the last four years my only priority pretty much has been making sure that my Autistic son if afforded the necessary opportunities for him to do life successfully. This las year it was getting in the swing on school. My first semester back I almost failed because school wasn’t my priority. Going into my third semester, with the dynamics on the home front changed, I’m forced to reassess my priorities. There’s a whole lot more going and I have to make sure that I’m embracing only what are truly my priorities. I have a tendency to put other people’s stuff before my own, especially when they are in crisis mode. People will run away with me; taking more from me than they actually need if I let them. So this weekend I must wade through all the many rooms of my life asking myself what’s really important, prioritize that, roll up my sleeves and get busy. I’ve got to keep it pushing!