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Archive for December, 2011

Dawn peeks through my curtains, painting the sky in pinks and reds…rain will come later today I suppose but for now what a glorious morning.

My mother wrote and asked me to buy some gifts for one of her boyfriends daughters…I know that sounds strange, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a normal mom…but then what is normal anyway? I love her dearly and would not trade her for anything. Still, the question still stands, what should I get her, the daughter, not my mom? I want her to know that she has not been overlooked or unloved, and although I do not really know her I hope to make her feel with surety that God is with her.

My own precious little girl is throwing something of a fit even now as I type this. Demanding with all her being to be listened to and seen. I know she is safe as she explores the world at my feet ever so begrudgingly, she would rather be held. “I can’t hold you all the time my darling little girl, mommy is just one person with lots of things to do and since daddy is underway you will just have to content yourself and play for a little bit on your own right now”. This does not stop the tears, but I know I can’t give in, even now the battle wages on. If I pick her up then I am re enforcing this behavior so unbecoming and I will then become the mom with the daughter who throws a fit every time she does not get what she wants.

I take a deep breath, say a prayer and go to put the water on, a cup of coffee would be nice.

Lord help me to be a good mom, help me to train my daughter in obedience and joy by being consistent and steadfast, and by walking in accordance to Your word. Help me to teach her by example and a steady hand the way she should go. I do so love her, and long for her to be all that you have planned for her. In Jesus name, Amen.

Time moves so fast sometimes, especially when you long for it to go slower. With Christmas just around the corner and the inevitable deployment of my beloved husband shortly after that I am feeling a bit like beating time up. I would like to jump him in a back alley and hold him hostage for a while.

Sadly time is not something we can grasp and since we are consumed with measuring it the fact that it slips right through our hands is all the more painfully evident. All we can ask is what will I do with today? What will I do with this next hour…or minute to make it count…to make it last, even if only as it slips away, a fading mist of a memory.

SO much to do and not enough time. My “to do” list gets longer and longer each day and at the top of the list it say’s 1) Make a list, so that once I am done I can cross that off and feel like I have accomplished something! The problem is I started the list yesterday afternoon and still have not finished it! LOL I guess I better get started.

Also on the list:

Deep Clean the following areas: Kitchen, Living room, Bedrooms, and Bathrooms (Basically the whole house)

Somehow those guys can throw their frisbee’s so much farther than I can. It is really amazing to watch as they wind up and throw, the disc just seems to go and go always landing somewhere near the disc golf hole. My discs on the other hand get flung with all my might and almost always go off to the right, or hit a tree, or even just ker-plop.

How do they do it? I see the way they grip their discs and here comes the dance of the short rush and arm zip…then the disc seems to hang in the air, it floats and floats without a care. It reaches it’s crescendo and gently begins it’s downward descent landing in good proximity to the ultimate event, and these guys are making under par every time… that’s a crime! What about mine? It sores and it flies but when it reaches crescendo it simply just dies, hurtling toward the ground at a steep incline, I find that if I could make par that would be simply divine.

The Planned Parenthood just up the street from where I live has had this sign up that says “Planning for parenthood is sacred work”…this is, in itself, so very true but as a young woman still healing from the last time planned parenthood helped me rid myself of the “sacred work” within my womb I can’t help but see them as the place to go when you want to commit a heinous crime without the need of a stolen get away car. I remember hearing them say that I was pregnant and asking them what to do next. I said; well can I get my prenatal care here? Oh no, they said, we don’t do that, but if you want an abortion we can put you in for Saturday. I thought then how exactly are you helping me plan for parenthood?

“Planned Murder” would be a better name but with the truth written so matter a fact in black and white like that who would go there?

I see the signs of the oncoming winter all around me. I remember when it was just that the leaves were starting to turn there bright shades of gold, red and bronze…now the cold is creeping in and with it the sense of both dread and excitement. I can’t wait for the first snow but I know that almost as soon as it is bright and white on the ground the grey of winter will begin to close in and instead of being a beautiful sight it will instead be dirty snow piled high.

I think Christmas should last longer, the bright cheer and color of lights twinkling in the night would be a much needed relief in the coldest months (Jan-March). Holding the true spirit of Christmas a bit longer could only do us good instead of this hurried frenzy of materialism. Before you even realize it the day has come and gone and winter still carries on for what seems like forever.

It is in this moment that I decide that in my home the lights will still shine all through the winter months! I may even leave the Christmas tree up! I know that there is much joy to be had in snuggling down on a cold winters night, never mind that it’s March, with a good book and the soft glow from the Christmas lights all around you. Oh, but I do love winter…at least until spring is here!