A Husband, A Father and A Son of A Mighty God

“Identity”

This is a topic I have been struggling with for a long time. I have grown up with a “pauper” mentality. This is something I did not understand until the past month or so. There were glimpses of revelation into this for me over the past five years or so but real understanding and clarity didn’t enter my mind until very recently.

I have to tell you, my mind is being renewed daily. I am realizing how much I have focused on what people think of me and how insignificantly I view myself.

When I committed my life to Christ, I received a new identity “Prince”. This revelation alone is allowing me to take captive my thoughts. Especially the ones that say I am merely a sinner or cause me to question who I am. How dare I think that I could have an impact for God with my measly little life? These thoughts must be obliterated!

As I write this, I don’t have a clue how my bills will get paid because I have no income. I am behind on rent to my current landlord. I am getting ready to move in a couple weeks to a new city 1800 miles away to follow God’s call to ministry. If I spend even a minute thinking about what I can provide or accomplish on my own, I immediately feel defeated and depressed. Fear is ever present if I allow it to enter my mind.

My only hope in these last couple weeks has been to pray for God to fill me up with courage and strength. To spend hours daily engaged in study of God’s Word and these books written by men who have an incredible understanding of “identity in Christ”.

I guess the whole point I want to make today is this; don’t listen to what any voice says about you if it is counter to what Jesus has made abundantly clear about you.

You are a Child of the King.

This makes you a brother or sister of the risen Christ.

You are worthy of every good thing in our Father’s Kindgom and it is available to you today.

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This is something I’ve struggled with in my life. A large part of it came from when I had my addiction and the response of the church folks I knew was that I had become a horribly damaged, second class Christian. I let that mindset hang on me way too long…and then when I had my divorce it just gave some people the chance to say I was too damaged for God to use in any way. I’ve come to learn through His grace that they’re wrong.

It’s so easy to listen to the voices of family & circumstance dictate who you are, and sometimes they get SO loud that it’s difficult to hear anything else. Stuff like: “you have no money”, “you’re living with your mum again”, “you’re never going to get out of this debt”, or the worst…”you’ve screwed up and God never REALLY prompted you to make those decisions.” And then more circumstances arise to really question things to a greater extent.

We’re driven by so much fear of the future, rather than hope for it. I think it’s because we are reactionary by default, waiting for things to happen to make us feel better, or to point us in the right direction, rather than realising who we are in Christ. He didn’t create us just to respond to external stimuli. otherwise He wouldn’t have commanded us to ‘Go’. We so easily claim the role of pauper because in reality it’s non-challenging and requires nothing of us except the same reactionary behaviour.

Having watched the journey you & Jenni have had thus far, and been with you guys for a sizeable stay 🙂 ….I can say that we can identify with the scariness of some of the decisions in the face of seeming uncertainty. I can also put my hand on my heart and admit that holding onto that kingdom identity is SO. DARN. HARD. most days. But our inability to fully grasp it doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

This is a constant struggle on a daily basis, but what’s the alternative? Lie down & take it? I’ll choose the challenge until I see it change. One verse that I’ve been thinking of a lot is Psalm 37:25 – “I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread.”

Still working on that one, but the fact that Christ makes us ‘righteous’ and all the repercussions are beginning to sink in, slowly!

I am so glad this was good timing to encourage you. I love hearing about how other people are processing these things as they experience the tension of living the renewed life in Christ. It is constant tension!!!!

I love you guys and pray for peace as you navigate the uncertainty of life right now.

“We’re driven by so much fear of the future, rather than hope for it” via Diane

It’s scary to be behind on bills. Since my unemployment ran out in November, our finances have taken an even worse downturn. I HATE this feeling of not having enough faith (as if there is such a thing).

Sometimes I think it is the fear of someone seeing the real us. Instead of the couple with careers & 401K’s, we are smothering. That tight feeling around my chest has been a frequent one. But, I don’t show it to anyone.

God sees it. All of it. Nothing to hide. Who am I?? A broken-down woman who has human fears. Who am I in God’s eyes? It’s like you said, prince (or princess, in my case!). Nothing more, nothing less. Whether I have money or not. No matter how many friends I have.

I get a little teary-eyed thinking about your move. I really wanted to get to know you guys better. Wish we could come over & help with packing, etc. It will lead to great things. There is hope of so much in El Paso! You & Jenni may not have it all together, but together you have it all!!