Britney Spears Music Scares Off Somali Pirates

Somali pirates – that’s not something you want to encounter, like, ever. Just ask Captain Phillips. A Navy officer has revealed that ship crews have come up with a brilliant way to try and keep the ship hoppers at bay, and it’s the music of Britney Spears.

What, so how would Brit’s frothy, feel-good pop gems help keep not-so-nice pirates from commandeering ships and kidnapping their crews off the east coast of Africa?

Turns out that the pirates detest Western culture, of which Brit Brit is certainly emblematic. So the supertankers have taken to cranking ‘…Baby One More Time’ and ‘Toxic.’

“Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most,” office Rachel Owens said. “These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.”

So that’s certainly a compliment for Brit. She is a symbol of Western culture and while those residing in far away lands may hate her music and what she represents, we love her for it!

She’s Britney Spears — passive patriot!

Steven Jones of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry explained why Justin Bieber‘s music was not selected to keep the pirates from performing their nefarious acts. “I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention,” he joked, likening playing The Biebs’ music to torture, which would violate the Geneva Convention’s stipulations against such acts.

Ouch! That’s a maaaaaj diss against The Biebs, since they’re essentially saying they want to stop pirates, not torture them, with the music.

In other Brit news, check out her dramatic reading of Vincent Price’s parts from Michael Jackson‘s ‘Thriller’ video in ‘It’s Britney Witch,’ a Halloween-themed video she taped for the BBC. It’s funny, cute and Halloween-ready!

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