Some Tool In Some Shitty Metal Band Takes Credit For Jon Bon Jovi Death Hoax

Jon Bon Jovi, alive and wellRecently, a rumor spread around the internet that Bon Jovi’s own Jon Bon Jovi had died. I even saw people I know, who I thought were smart, post RIP messages to dude, and I laughed.

In this day and age, if it’s not on CNN, the Associated Press, and, sadly, TMZ, it didn’t happen. Anyways, Jon’s not dead, and now, some tool from a band call Minutia — who you’ve never heard of and, after today, never will — has taken credit for starting the hoax. That’s like taking credit for fucking a dog…you wouldn’t.

Jeffrey Goho of the Philadelphia-area metal band says he started the hoax because “he felt the singer’s non-musical pursuits were taking time way from the things that really mattered.”

Are you fucking serious? This dude Goho needs to fucking focus on his own shit. Like, who gives a fuck about Bon Jovi? I call bullshit on this band Minutia being metal. I feel like someone at the Asbury Park Press might have the wrong idea about metal.

Goho posted a fake press release on a WordPress blogging site stating that Jon Bon Jovi had died after he was found in a coma in an Asbury Park hotel on December 19.

“I’m in a band as well, and I was going into the recording studio, and we had talked about how the music industry just started taking a turn into crazy new worlds that no one, really, can assess,” says Goho. “Long story short, I was talking to my band members on their down time, and we got so worked up in the conversation, I just kind of took the liberty and started (the rumor), because I was so irritated.

“All I heard was ‘Bon Jovi this,’ ‘Bon Jovi’s starting a restaurant.’ What was the latest one? The Advil commercial (featuring Bon Jovi)? It was like, ‘Jeez, (Bon Jovi) was a household name due to the music, not the business.’ So I’m not proud of it. I’m getting a lot of backlash from it, but as stupid as it sounds, that’s how it started. I just had a blurb and went with it.”

According to Goho, his e-mail account has been spammed following the hoax. Serves the fucker right. “Please stop sending attached hate mail to my fellow band members,” Goho posted on his Facebook page. “They are in no way involved.”

Goho is an asshole. For real. Like, who cares that much about Jon Bon Jovi’s integrity? Get a girlfriend or a boyfriend, man.