Man-Card Pulled From Former Man

Flint, Michigan---Barry Gehman was stripped of his manliness last Saturday after attempting to hold a conversation with other men in his neighborhood cul-de-sac.

"Me and the guys were just hanging out in my driveway, working on my pick-up truck when Barry came strolling over," said John Spruce, 39. "Right from the start, we knew he didn't belong."

Gehman, 35, and his wife, Gail, had moved into the neighborhood just 3 months ago, and Barry had slowly tried to make some new friends. "When he first came over," Spruce recalls, "he [Barry] made a reference to Dale Earnhardt Jr. playing 3rd base for the Orioles. It was really awkward."

Barry's misinformed comment was quietly ignored as the guys changed the subject to their favorite semi-automatic weapons used for killing deer. Barry informed the group that he did not own a semi-automatic weapon.

Tensions mounted as Spruce formed all the guys into a huddle in the far corner away from Barry and made the call. "I told the guys, 'Look: he don't know shit about sports, he don't own no gun, and I heard a rumor that he actually listens to his wife.'" With the meeting adjourned, Spruce approached Gehman and said, "Hey, Barry, I'm sorry; I'm gonna have to pull your Man Card."

A shocked and slightly dismayed Barry Gehman reached into his wallet and pulled out the Man Card I.D given to him by his father nearly 20 years ago. "That's the rule," a saddened Gehman later told Vondrook reporters. "When a guy has to pull your Man Card, that's it. That's the end of your manliness. Now that I don't have my Man Card, I can't even work a hammer, and I fear I am gonna have to start asking gas station clerks for directions."

Spruce holds no regrets over the incident. "I've pulled many a-Man Card in my day. Some people think that owning a penis makes you a man, but that's not it. It's a culture. It's a way of life. Men like guns. Men like sports. Men like power tools. Men don't ask for directions, and men sure as shit don't listen to their wives."

Concerning what will happen to Barry now that his Man Card has been revoked, Spruce commented, "Well, he's not a man, so I guess he is spending alot of his time drinking herbal tea and having lesbian sex with his wife."

Make Vondrook's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Following a tireless debate last night, congress has begun work drafting a new bill that seeks to stop white men from kicking the back of a goddamn coon's head and shattering his teeth whilst proclaiming the sanctity of the white bloodline.
The bi...

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a stunning development, Chief Justice John Roberts changed his name to Caitlyn Roberts, thereby joining Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan as custodians of keys to the women's restroom of the Supreme C...

Washington - The President of the United Snakes of America and a Brit Reality TV con artist famous for faking the Beeb's wildlife documentaries have appeared in a televised White House junk science rant.
Barack Obama and ageing UK naturalist (sic...

Washington, DC - Disgraced NAACP leader, Rachel Dolezal, who was fired last month for being a secret whitey, didn't take long to get her life heading in a newish direction. It turns out that she quickly found an equally-minded friend in John Boehner,...

Washington, D.C - How do you cap off a Democratic Presidency that seems to have gotten almost nothing done for nearly eight long years? Well, a good way to start is to gather all the whack job liberals you can find after a really gruesome, racially m...

Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...

No longer willing to ignore the stark reality of environmental degradation, global poverty, and deteriorating human health, pessimistic beverage packing company Canned Dreams, Inc., recently announced the launch of a new product line, known as the al...

In a clever political maneuver all 32 republican presidential prospects agreed to consolidate their collective power and run as one single multi-personality candidate.
The new strategy is the brainchild of Carl Rove who said it was necessary to a...