Anthony Thrasher is a fifteen-year-old underachiever who simply cannot grasp the mundane realities of the eighth grade. While under the tutelage of his free-spirited teacher Miss Maggie Doubloon (she has the audacity to assign The Scarlet Letter to her class), Tony suddenly finds himself a father. Miss Doubloon leaves town wearing a large "A+" emblazoned on her T-shirt and returns to her hometown of Kalamazoo. Following Maggie and their illegitimate son, Ahab, Tony meet Bubbles Breedlove -- Ahab's buxom, virginal nursemaid -- and falls madly in love with her