'I've heard that the Polish accent is quite sexy'

Many Poles here are too busy to look for love, and then there's the language barrier. But sometimes romance happens just the same. Emine Saner talks to Anglo-Polish couples about how they overcame the difficulties

A group of Polish men in their 20s sit on a bench in a small park in Hammersmith, west London, drinking cans of beer and laughing at something clearly hilarious. I slowly realise, as I walk down the path towards them, that I am the object of hilarity and they are giggling like schoolgirls. It is not threatening exactly, but it is strange and has happened to a few women I know in London. Groups of young Poles, out enjoying themselves (drinking cans of beer in the evening sun is preferable to going to pubs for those on the minimum wage) want to meet women but, hampered by their non-existent English, all they can do is giggle nervously. When I actually stop and chat, they look terrified. I want to know what it is about English girls they like. "English girls are very nice," says one. "Kelly Brook," says another and that is about as far as we get.

The Poles have arrived in Britain, but are they falling in love here too? Certainly, of those who came to this country after EU accession, it seems to be the women who are more successful at forming long-term relationships with British people. "Those who come here with the idea of sending money back home usually have families of their own, especially the men," says Dr Jan Mokrzycki, the president of the Federation of Poles in Great Britain, a body that supports and promotes Polish interests. "A lot of young, single people come here but many only decide to stay for about six months to earn money, so it's not likely that they will form long-term relationships, or even be looking for one. And if they do, it's far more likely they will develop a relationship with another Polish person because they won't speak English."

This was the experience of Philip Krawczyk, 25, when he first came to London a couple of years ago. On a visit to see Polish friends, he hardly met any British people. The Polish community in the capital is largely ghettoised, based in areas of west and south London. In big Victorian terraced houses, many Poles live under the same roof, eating Polish food and watching Polish television, and few come across British people. "I didn't like it, it was like being in Poland," Krawczyk says. But he decided to come here again 18 months ago under his own steam and says that he loves London now.

He has been with his English girlfriend, Hannah Davey, 20, for nearly a year and they live together in south-west London. She says her British friends were surprised when she started going out with Philip. "I think they thought he was a brickie who spoke no English," she says. "We have a lot of Polish friends and I don't know any other British-Polish couple where it's the guy who is Polish. Maybe English men like Polish women a lot? I think it's about money as well. A lot of Polish girls come here with little money and if they're pretty, it's easy to seduce a rich English man. A lot of the Polish men who come here don't speak English, are from poor rural areas and they work on building sites or do low-paid jobs in this country."

Philip, who comes from Warsaw, works in marketing and Hannah is a waitress. They met when Philip, a champion pool player in Poland, became a regular at the pool club where Hannah worked. "He didn't speak any English and I think he was shy about talking to me," she says. "But after a few months we started talking."

They moved in with each other after two weeks of dating. "It's amazing how quickly he learned English," says Hannah, who is now picking up Polish. "When we first got together, we used a lot of sign language and pointing and sometimes there was a lot of misinterpretation, sometimes just over little things like confusing the words 'take' and 'bring' and I'm there wondering what he wants me to do."

"And in our language, we don't use 'please' and I think I upset her when I just say, 'Give me that'," Philip says. "But I was surprised at how similar we are. We have the same humour. She makes me laugh a lot."

Before he came to London, it is fair to say that Philip did not have a good opinion of British women. "I don't like it when girls here get really drunk," he says. "Girls don't really do that in Poland."

Hannah says Polish men make good boyfriends (and I do not think she is saying that just because Philip is sitting next to her). "I know everyone is different, but from what I've seen, Polish boyfriends are more loyal, you can rely on them and they seem more easy-going," she says. "I like English men, but I find them quite materialistic and argumentative. I think Polish men are more respectful towards women and they show affection more, especially in public. That's not something you see in English couples as much. Most of the Polish couples I've met settle down when they're young - they're more committed earlier. I have really fallen in love with the way they live, they're very family-orientated. English men have problems with commitment."

The importance of a settled home life - and the fact that all the couples I spoke to moved in with each other really quickly - seems to be a recurring theme. Justina Krausiewicz, 24, moved in with her boyfriend Gavin Fletcher, 29, a teacher, two months into their relationship (they have been together for four months, and met at a party soon after Justina arrived here from Krakow). Four months ago, Justina spoke almost no English. Today, sitting in the cafe of the National Gallery, she sounds fluent. "The language was a problem at first, but we took it slowly and I've been learning every day," she says. She hasn't had any lessons, and has spent hours reading English dictionaries. "You can learn very quickly when you live with someone," she says.

Justina says she has been shocked at the way some British people see Polish women. Although she trained as a film-maker and photographer, she hasn't found work here yet and has been applying for jobs in shops. "One man who ran a shop said he would give me a job if I could get him a Polish girlfriend," she says. "That made me angry. I think people here think Polish girls are simple."

She says she did not really like British men to begin with. "The ones I had met were quite stupid and they weren't my type," she says. "Then I met Gavin and I am very happy with my English boyfriend. I like being with someone from a different country. I always have lots of questions about Britain and he has lots of questions about Poland."

She pauses for a moment when I ask if she thinks there are any cultural differences. "One difference is that if you go to a pub with an English man, he will buy the drinks. I like to pay for myself but English men won't let you. There are some Polish girls who like men to pay for everything, so they will look for an English man with money."

She is taking Gavin to visit her family next month and says they are pleased she has a British boyfriend. "They think the English are well-respected throughout the world and my mum especially was very happy when I told her that my boyfriend was English."

While the younger generation of Polish immigrants seem to find it fairly easy to meet people, older Poles complain it is harder. Aleksandra Trebska started up the Polish Dating Agency in London in December last year. She is a midwife by profession, but when she came here four years ago, she had to wait for paperwork to be completed before she could go back to work, and so set up her dating agency in the meantime. "There were many Polish people here who were lonely," she says. "In their own country, they wouldn't have used a dating agency, but they come here and they don't know anyone." Most of the people on her books are between 30 and 50 years old and there is a fairly equal split between men and women.

She does not believe there are differences in the way that Polish and British people date. Although British men, she says, can be fast movers. "Yes, I know what British people can be like," says Aleksandra. "I've seen the Jeremy Kyle Show." She laughs. "But not every British person is like that. I think British men are very protective of their families and the ones I have met have been very respectful of women."

Later that day, I am sitting in the garden with Roland Jaquarello at the house in Hammersmith that he shares with his girlfriend, Mira Faber. Mira, 32, who works for Fusion, a weekly magazine for eastern Europeans, has been going out with Roland, a theatre and radio director, who at 60 is nearly twice her age, for 18 months. Roland was just saying how he thought Polish women had "quite a lot of warmth and volatility" when Mira comes home from work and bounds over to hug and kiss him. Both have been in long-term relationships before, but they seem well-suited. They share an interest in the arts and the age gap does not seem so big when you see them together. Mira says she likes older men, "because my father died and maybe I'm looking for a father figure".

"There's an openness to the Polish people I have met," says Roland. "There is a tendency for flexibility and spontaneity."

What does Mira like about British men? "It's difficult to generalise, because I don't like to have relationships with average people," she says. "I tend to go for people who are artistic. Actually, when I came here, I didn't find British people sexy. I don't know why - maybe a lack of chemistry. Roland doesn't seem very British to me, although he has some English features - he likes to carry an umbrella. As for differences, the main one is that we drink tea in a different way. I don't have milk." She laughs. "Language hasn't been a problem; I always find a way to communicate if I want. I've heard from English people that the Polish accent is quite sexy." She looks at Roland and smiles. "I think it is," he says.

She thinks that Polish women are "more traditional, while English women are quite independent. They don't mind if they're single. They don't care so much about maintaining one relationship or one family and I think the rate of divorce is quite high. But in Poland, this is changing too."

Monika Braid, 34, a film producer, shows that British-Polish relationships can last longer than the time it takes to learn English or to earn enough money to send home. She has been married to her British husband, David, for 11 years and they live in south London with their nine-year-old son, Albert. They met 12 years ago, when Monika, from Krakow, was in London learning English and working in a cafe. "The language barrier was hard at first," she says. "I didn't understand most of the things he was saying, but it was a very speedy lesson in English, although I still feel after all this time that there is a problem with communication. I spend a lot of time explaining things."

Does she think there are cultural differences? "If friends or family ring up and say they're coming to visit, I'd just say yes instantly without really thinking about when or where they'd stay," she says. "But I think English people want to plan things properly. We have a readiness to help anyone. Maybe this is because we come from a poorer country. Polish people can be very emotional and maybe this is too much for some English people. English people tend to use their brains first and I admire this."

All the couples I met seem very settled. Those who came from Poland came to Britain to learn English and see a different country. None came with the intention of meeting a British partner - and most say they were not too keen on us to begin with - but now they cannot imagine going back to Poland without them. In west London, Bala Vamathavan, 50, runs an internet cafe for his largely Polish customers. There are Polish and English flags side by side (still hanging after the World Cup), a Polish soap is on the television and adverts in Polish for vacant rooms are pinned to the wall. His girlfriend, Iwona Grodzka, 25, tickles their golden labrador, which is stretched out on the floor in the heat.

Bala and Iwona met in the cafe and have been together for two years and have lived together for most of that time. Bala is British of Sri Lankan origin and he has visited Poland several times with Iwona, who is from Katowice in southern Poland. "We don't have any other races," says Iwona. "People in Poland aren't used to seeing different people, so when they see a man with dark skin, they look at you strangely." How does that make Bala feel? "It's not intimidating," he says. "Everybody buys drinks for me. For them, it's a new thing. In years to come, it will change. I don't know if they don't like it [a Polish girl being with an Asian man] because we only visit. If we lived there, it might be different."

What about religion? Is Iwona a strict Catholic? "This does bother me," she says. "I say to him that I am Catholic, so if we have children, I want to be married. It's still looked down on to live with somebody and not be married. It doesn't matter so much now, but the old people don't like it. Next year I think we will get married." She looks at Bala and smiles. I am sure I detect him rolling his eyes slightly.

"I think Polish women can be very demanding," says Bala. "Once she knows you're with her, she wants to know where you are and what you're doing. But really, I don't think it matters what country you're from. Everyone is an individual".