Katy Perry & John Mayer had sex for Christmas

How’s this for a little coal in your stocking, huh? On Christmas day Katy Perry tweeted this picture of John Mayer wearing a Santa suit, in what look like the final seconds before they screwed under the mistletoe. His face is clearly trying to communicate some sort of boner inspired message and, I think, his hand is actually on his dick.

I’m trying really hard to have a “sex positive” reaction to this one. We want everyone to have a good sex life, right? Regardless of their horrible personalities, yes? No matter how much they appear to overestimate their own cultural significance? I guess the problem is that, while I support John and Katy’s desire to bone away the holidays, I still think he’s gross and do not want to have to be a part of this!

In case it’s unclear let me be transparent: I think Katy Perry is the absolute worst (TRUST – we WILL be talking about this in the near future). It being the holidays and all though, I’m trying to be positive and find the silver lining here. Maybe it’s that this picture makes even the skeeviest guy I’ve ever slept with look like a prince? Maybe within the fractured state of American politics, this picture is refreshingly something we can all hate together? Maybe my Queen (sorry Lainey!), Jennifer Aniston, got a good laugh out of it? Maybe if your Christmas/holiday season has been really terrible at least you can be sure Katy Perry’s was, at the very least, much more disgusting?

The other thing that this picture, and their relationship in general, reveals is that Katy’s got it bad for pervs. Remember when you heard about her and Russell Brand and you thought “Oh well I guess he’s actually a stand up guy and I should be more open minded”? Well you were wrong, the California Girl just really wants that dirtbag.