Workwear Hall of Fame: ‘Del’ Pump

You know, we have featured this shoe a zillion times over the years in posts for The Hunt and as commentary in other posts, but we’ve never featured it in a dedicated post. Women love this $98 pump, and it’s one of the usual suspects if you’re looking for a new, basic pump for interviewing or regular office wear — and can comfortably walk in 3.5″ heels. It’s available in sizes 4-12, medium and wide widths, in four colors: caramel (pictured), beige, black, and black patent. (If you’re looking for a more trendy pointed toe with a slightly lower (3″) heel, try the $98 Flex pump from Kors — another highly-rated usual suspect in this price range.) Corso Como ‘Del’ Pump

2018 Update: We’ve added this pump our Workwear Hall of Fame because after it’s still around, coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews. Nordstrom, Amazon, Zappos, and tons of other places sell the pump.

Comments

Anyone been to a wedding where there wasn’t dancing? Fiance and I aren’t huge dancing fans (being super uncoordinated and quite frankly bad at it), and I don’t think most of our guests are either. Is there some alternative activity to offer after dinner? (one of the pictures I saw of a possible outdoor venue had people playing bocce ball,which sounds fun to me, but am I just quirky?) Would you as a guest be disappointed if there wasn’t a band/dancing?

Have I? Yes, but that wedding was one in a religious denomination with both no booze and no dancing. After the food, there were just speeches/well-wishes and a slide show of the bride and groom over time. Dessert was after that with mingling. The whole event took much less time than a normal wedding.

It’s your wedding, so you do you, but honestly if you’re a couple who will want booze at that event, I’d probably do dancing or at least a band too.

I went to one of these this year. I’m fine with no booze and no dancing. But it seemed that instead of serving dinner in a timely manner, they stretched it out to fill the time that would normally be allocated to dancing. Dinner began at 6:30 with rolls and the main course was not served until 9:15 pm.

Maybr half the weddings I’ve been to haven’t been dancing weddings. Yes, they had music, but the dance floor was empty or the music wasn’t intended to be dance music (jazz instrumental, for example). I think if you just had music but no dance floor, people will get the idea that the reception is time for socializing, not dancing. Choosing a venue to support this will go a long ways – i.e., a garden party or intimate restaurant vs. a cavernous hotel ballroom with a center stage.

My dad and step-mom didn’t have dancing at their wedding. They did a large cookie reception after the ceremony at the church for everyone where they could mingle and greet everyone then did a dinner at another location for a smaller group of invites (mainly family and really close friends – there was maybe 40 of us at the dinner).

We didn’t have dancing. It was an afternoon wedding in my parents backyard. There was a good mix of people inside and outside mingling and chatting. A bunch of people told me they really had fun at our wedding. It was sort of like a normal (but larger) party that happened to have a wedding ceremony ahead of time and some really awesome cake. I don’t think you necessarily need to provide a sort of activity. Only a couple of people left before we did. There was plenty of food, alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, and cotton candy.

We were thinking of having games but just never got around to organizing it. Bocce ball and giant jenga were on our idea list.

Sounds like my wedding, but in a reception hall. We had the Pittsburgh cookie table in the lobby followed by a huge buffet dinner. 90% of our guests were family. Lots of laughing, lots of people running back for more food, lots of coffee and cookie dashes. Without the dancing or alcohol, my husband and I had plenty of time to catch up with guests and stroll around the tables.

I’ll preface all this by saying know your guests. I can’t see my wedding going over well with a crowd of college friends and coworkers. It was perfect for my older, church-set extended family.

If you wanted to do outdoor activities, I’d make it a day wedding instead of a night wedding – do brunch instead of dinner with fabulous food, brunch cocktails, etc. Bocce might be weird at night, but would be fun with other lawn activities/field day games during the day. I’m sure there’s something fun you could do without music or dancing, at night but I’m not sure what – maybe a little newlywed quiz game? Karaoke? Bonfire? Some kind of fun food tasting game? Beerhall type board games like jenga? You could also probably arrange for a lovely reception in a restaurant without a dance floor and get much, much better food, which would take peoples’ minds off dancing.

I’ve been to an otherwise traditional, evening wedding reception without dancing. It was at a local museum, and during the cocktail hour we could view some of the exhibits. During dinner, the tables were arranged so there was no dance floor. There was an instrumental quartet playing non-dance music. We spent the evening talking and catching up with our friends from college. I suppose it could have been awkward or boring if we didn’t know anyone else there, but I had a lovely time and particularly appreciated being able to hear and carry on a conversation.

I’ve been to other weddings with outdoor receptions that also included lawn games like bocce ball, corn hole, and croquet, and those seemed to go over well. And, though it doesn’t take up much of a guest’s time, I’ve seen several iterations of creative guest-booking — watercolor paints, photobooth strips, etc.

FWIW I’d MUCH rather attend a wedding with no dancing than one with no alcohol.

Yes. It was a lunch time wedding. It was lovely. We ate a leisurely lunch, chatted for a bit after, and left. Maybe three hours?

You don’t have to have dancing in the evening either. I wouldn’t have it at a venue with a dance floor. I wouldn’t offer alternate activities. People will socialize and then go home earlier than some would with dancing.

Yup, I’ve been to such a wedding — my own! We had background music at our reception (piano), but no dance floor, and no alternate activity either — it was just dinner, with music. The venue included a big outdoor patio overlooking a lake, so people just ate, drank, and socialized. I thought it was perfect.

Some of the best weddings I’ve been to haven’t had dancing – like others have noted, they’ve usually been in restaurants where there’s a long cocktail hour to mingle, followed by a long multi-course sit-down dinner. I eloped, but would have done something along those lines if I had a wedding reception with a lot of guests. I’ve also been to more casual weddings without dancing but with some kind of lawn game like you’re thinking – whether that works depends on the crowd, I think. I recall older guests being a little confused and the immediate friend group of the couple taking them over. Wouldn’t be my personal choice, but for the right group I could totally see it working.

A friend of mine got married – she and her hubs are super foodies so instead of doing dancing, they did a full 7 course (I think it was 7) gourmet dinner. Basically like a tasting menu at a fancy restaurant with excellent wine pairings. The focus was on the food and wine, and all of those courses obviously took some time. It was really lovely and very much fit the couple.

Tips for conquering procrastination? I’m not even sure it’s procrastination.

I have a report and a memo both due by noon tomorrow and I’ve hardly started either and am instead playing on my phone. I work well under pressure, neither of these items is particularly mentally challenging, and, well, I don’t love my current job. I care enough to do the minimum necessary for them to think reasonably well of me. But freaking out to meet a deadline or turn something in early? Eh. I’m just as apt to go home tonight and bang out the reports at the dining table with a glass of wine. But I’m still required to sit here at my desk from 9-5. So WHY can’t I make myself work since I’m sitting here anyways? I’m seeing my behavior and I can’t make any sense of it.

This happens to me sometimes. Even if you work well under pressure (and do you? Because this often is an excuse for procrastinating), mentally list why it makes more sense to start now. Picture what you would much rather do tonight than work. Remember how stupid you felt last time when you had to rush to make the deadline, just because you procrastinated. You get the idea.

On the other hand, if you can’t focus but you know tonight you will be able to, can you get done something else now, that you would normally do at home?

I did this this morning. Really needed to review a file. Instead I just slept in with my dog, ran to the meeting and pretty much winged it. But it always works out really well for me. Frankly, I had looked at the file a million times. I tell myself as I am doing it “why are you doing this?”

It tends to happen more when I am burnt out or tired but I remember this happening even in school. The teacher would give us time in class to work on an assignment and instead I would just do something else and tell myself I would work on it at home later.

Threadjack – for anyone who’s suffered from anxiety/OCD (or depression) and “brain fog”, did you find anything that worked for the cognitive fog? I seriously feel like I’ve dropped 30 IQ points and it feels really obvious at work (I don’t know if it is, but it feels that way). It’s my focus, processing and memory. Even basic things feel challenging right now. I’m not currently on any meds for the anxiety (and some seem to cause issues) and I’ve done a lot of therapy for the anxiety in particular. Unfortunately the biggest cause of my anxiety/stress (a severely chronically ill and angry spouse) is not fixable right now. I’m trying to sleep a lot, mindfulness, talk with my support network, be kind to myself, Vitamin D, eating fish, more caffeine, less caffeine. . . any self-help strategies or meds that have worked?

Ugh, I feel your pain. Your case sounds more severe than mine – I suspect that mine is an effect of being constantly distracted at work with emails, phone calls, and competing demands. Combine that with the urge to refresh Facebook and Instagram and the news and you have a mind that can’t focus on ANYTHING. I’m actively trying to unplug from electronics in the early evening and read books instead. It actually does seem to help.

However, if you are experiencing more severe symptoms, please go to your doctor. It could be something like Lyme disease or a thyroid issue.

Being religious or spiritual worked for me. It may or may not work for some people. But I understand what you mean by brain fog. I feel clear mentally after almost two years. I think many people don’t realize how depression or anxiety can really affect their brain. I hope things get better. Good luck!

Can you write down your intrusive thoughts and make a date with them later? I was taught to do this to manage the brain fog that comes from trying to manage OCD intrusions and real life. I’m sorry you are going through this but know there is light at the end. 4 years symptom free!

100% this. I believe the dosage was in the 50,000 IU once a week for 3 months and then followed by 2000 iu every day for 6 months. I haven’t been great about the non perscription level stuff and I do feel like I am slowing down again. I also was given a broad spectrum vitamin D not just D3. Please please please go get a full blood panel done before trying anything though. Taking that much Vitamin D is really hard on your system, especially your kidneys. As someone noted below B12 also can cause these symptoms. I also had a deficiency in that, but just took over the counter B12 vitamins. Could have been the combination of the two. FWIW I also had an iron deficiency, which also effects your energy levels. And yes, my diet sucks.

Oh and as a add on to the depression, it helped mine out, but did not fix it completely. I feel like I can manage it on my own whereas I went in to the doctor originally to get anti-depressants. Everyone is different though. Depression Is depression, sometimes it isn’t a vitamin problem; mine just happened to be worsened by one.

Vitamin B12 deficiency causes brain fog and if you are severely deficient it even causes depression. It’s a really important vitamin in brain function. I also recommend looking into iron because even minor anemia can cause focus problems.

Yes – you need to treat your anxiety/depression. Very likely, you need medication if you have had extensive therapy in the past and it hasn’t worked.

Are you against trying medication? Why?

Other approaches in the meantime include trying to find a good stress release like daily walks/exercise that helps decrease stress and anxiety……

And you need a caregiver support group. They help me so much. So much. Search online in your area. Either one specific for your spouses disability or a general caregiver support group. Check local hospitals, websites for that disease’s national organization.

I suspect your spouse is also depressed… am I right? Men often express anger when they are depressed, which makes it all the more terrible for the spouse who usually is the easy target. And is he avoiding treatment?

Treating your spouse’s depression will help yours. Perhaps a discrete call to their medical provider before the next appointment so that the doc can address it is in order. This helped in my situation. Check NAMI’s website. They also have caregiver support groups. Many who go there address the issue of family members who refuse treatment, if this is relevant.

Meg doses of vitamin D will not help this, unfortunately, but do make sure you have a good yearly physical so that any other medical contributors that could be present are addressed.

Thanks for your reply. I am scared of the meds’ side effects – I have taken a couple in the past and had side effects; long-term use of depression meds caused kidney disease in one of my parents. I do exercise via walks and running, and my support network (outside of family/friends) is a spousal caregiver-focused peer group with twice-monthly meetings (and check-in’s several times a week with a close peer). My spouse is depressed, his docs are all aware, and he is on two AD’s – which are effective while the dose is working – but his daily one wears off fast. Without going into too much detail, he’s not in a position to do any therapy or support groups unfortunately – function of his disease.

So many good things here. Glad to hear you have a support group, and that your husband is getting treatment. But it sounds like your husband’s meds are still not right. Anti-depressants shouldn’t wear off during the day, so something else is going on… Push the docs to keep working on this.

Are you back in therapy now, I hope?

FYI – Kidney disease in a parent is not likely to mean the same side effect risk for you. This is not a common side effects of anti-depressants, and likely your parent had other issues going on….

I just worry that you sounds like you are in a pickle, and this is not something you are going to manage well with just supportive care, if you know what I mean…. At a minimum, it sounds like you need to be back in therapy, and perhaps have a re-assessment with a psychiatrist. Medicines are changing every year… there are always options.

And one thing that people forget…. long term depression/anxiety/stress is also very bad for the brain and your general health. We worry about side effects of medications, but sometimes we have to remember that your brain is actually in a bad place now, and studies have shown that long term untreated behavioral illness can have long term repercussions on the brain …. especially cognitive function/dementia risk long term.

I’m very sorry this is so hard. I am in a similar caregiver situation, but mine is for a different family member. I think it is harder when it is your spouse because of the difficult change in dynamic, and your mourning for that change in your relationship. I truly hope things will get better for you.

Depression story: I was on AD before, but life circumstances became more complicated, both at home and at work. I found myself… barely able to cope, and felt that my brain was fogged up.
I talked to my GP and he doubled the does of my meds (initial dose was quite low) and it worked beautifully. Just to illustrate external impact, I was looking for a job at the same time, and while I’d gotten interviews “before”, never had any offers. Interviews “after” were a lot more successful and rejections, while they still happened, were a lot easier to take.
Bottom line, talk to your doctor about finding the right meds for you. ADs now are very different than those our parents used to take.

You and your doctor might look into buspirone (generic name; the brand name is Buspar) for anxiety. It is non-sedating and non-addictive. I have been taking it at intervals for years, and it has really helped me. Also: get sunshine every day that it’s possible. Finally, make sure you have your thyroid levels checked. Hypothyroidism can be linked to brain fog and depression as well as (less commonly) anxiety, and stress sometimes can push a person who’s susceptible to hypothyroidism over the border. Good luck and best wishes to you!

Another busiprone user here. The cause of my anxiety is not fixable right now and my OCD was interfering with my life. My doctor started with a low dose and we tweaked it until the tightness in my chest was gone. I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety was until I got it under control. I don’t plan on being on meds forever but right now they’re part of the cocktail (along with exercise, magnesium, and talk therapy) that makes my life livable.

I’ve been in your position multiple times, the last being about a year ago. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and some depression for a long time. What helped me was accepting that there wouldn’t be any quick fixes and committing to helping myself out. First, I started seeing a cognitive-behavioral therapist who helped me stop beating myself up for feeling dumb or lazy when I just couldn’t concentrate. I also started taking a low dose of Zoloft around the same time, with great results. The chemical help lifted the fog a little so I could concentrate on learning some better coping skills and practicing ways to reduce and prevent anxiety. It was astonishing how many mistakes I noticed I’d made at work when the fog lifted. It is soooo hard to work on things when you’re already worn out and a nervous wreck. I’ve kept up with the therapy and even though it was hard or tiring sometimes, I’m in a much better, more resilient place.

I am involved with an institution that is currently conducting a high-profile, national search. I am NOT on the search committee, and they are doing a great job keeping their process confidential (as it is supposed to be at this phase).

However, through various twists and turns, I happen to have learned the identity of their top candidate, and I am really excited/hopeful. Now to sit on my hands, keep my mouth shut, and cross my fingers for several more months . . .

After recently clarifying things with an opposite-gender friend of mine, I redownloaded a couple dating apps. It almost immediately feels like this is not worth this much effort.

I don’t want to be alone forever, but I feel like I’d rather be alone than deal with this hassle. I hear it repeatedly that “love doesn’t just happen, you have to put in the effort” (as well as “it’ll happen when the time is right!” so damned if I do, damned if I don’t). For reference, I live in a major East coast city and am in my mid/late 20’s.

Is there a better way than just swiping right/waiting to bump in to Mr. Right in the soda water aisle at Whole Foods?

+1. You probably won’t bump into Mr. Right at Whole Foods – or, if you do, he is there shopping and wants to get that done and go home. But if you go solo to social events and try to talk to people, you will definitely up your odds of meeting someone or at least making new friends.

Activities like kickball leagues or running clubs? If dating apps are too much work and waiting in the soda aisle is too passive, putting yourself around the highest concentration of men seems like a reasonable middle way.

Asking friends to set you up? People often shrug this off, but a friend who’s known me for 15 years set me up with a guy he’s known for 12 years. He was pretty confident we’d be great together because he’s known us both for so long, and so far we’ve been together 6 months.

Dating sites are awesome. You’re not going to meet anyone if you don’t date – guys don’t just fall into your lap (usually). The alternative is dating within your workplace, or doing other activities that introduce you to people who aren’t already in your friend group.

Honestly, I feel like it’s less effort to look through matches online than going out to a bar or event, trawling through people, making contact, setting up a date, and then learning something about them that would be a turnoff that you could find out online more easily. If you want to meet potential matches, you should get out and let people know you’re looking and use your friend network — but in my experience, everyone does online dating these days and if you want to go with probability, you’re going to find more choices online. For me, I had to put time into it. This is unromantic, but dating is a numbers game – you basically just meet as many people who may be good matches as you can, and go out with them until you find someone who sticks. I this it may have been this s1te who introduced me to that idea, or perhaps a Ted talk – but it really does have a good chance of working. If you’d rather be alone than deal with the hassle, that is a completely valid choice. Some people do organically stumble upon the love of their lives, but many people also do not.

I go in spurts with the dating apps – I’ve activated when I’m feeling like putting in the effort and cancelled/uninstalled the apps when they make me more grouchy than not. And sometimes the selection is better when you come back after 6 months.

Make sure you are living the life you want – pursuing hobbies you like, visiting places you like, connecting with the friends you like, etc. This puts you in the path to meet like-minded people. It gives you something to talk about when you are dating. It helps you figure out what you do and don’t like, what is and isn’t important to you – all of which will help when you do meet someone you want to spend more time with.

For me, finding my SO came a year after I drank the online dating kool aid. Something about sucking it up and forcing to have an open mind sit every rando I met put me in a mindset to be open to him when he finally showed up out of the blue. It also helped that discussing my dating woes with friends advertised that I would be open to the nice, smart guy lurking in my the background should he ever work up the nerve to talk to me.

The apps have worked for a lot of people I know. But for me, even just the process of intentional dating was beneficial, even though I ended up meeting my SO offline.

Good luck! Your special person (or thing or experience that fulfils you) will show up when it’s time.

Could not agree more. I met my guy online and was very reluctant to join. My friend encouraged me to think of it as practice dating – I hadn’t had a first date in a long time and had always dated friends of friends, so it was practice in meeting completely new people and vetting them as well as learning how to approach someone totally new. It not only worked in that I met my guy but it also worked in opening up my mindset to date in the real world and not just people I went to college with or the same tired group of people.

Change your thinking to this mindset and you will find it worth it because you are practicing and getting better at dating- no matter if you meet your SO online or not.

I get it. I’m an introvert and dating sites sucked for me. I just didn’t want to go on the dates or engage with random strangers, whereas my extroverted friend goes on multiple dates a week. What also helps here is that she really wants to meet someone and will go to all sorts of lengths for that, whereas for me it was always ‘meh’ as I wasn’t really bothered about dating and figured it would happen if it happens.

I agree that the middle ground of activities is sensible middleground between the apps and the Whole Foods aisle.

Also, I agree that friends of friends are a great untapped resource. I now live with my SO and we’re both talking marriage in the long term, but he is an acquaintance I’d known peripherally for 10+ years and never considered as a viable dating alternative for various reasons and then one day it just clicked into place when the timing was right.

When you do go to Whole Foods – make eye contact and smile when you see a cute guy – nothing wrong with meeting over apples.

Otherwise, putting in the effort offline will reap far more rewards. Try a new class – photography, triathlon training, cooking. learn a new language etc – something you’ve always been interested in but never made time for. Look for something a bit more traditionally male – e.g. add a beginner triathlon class vs another yoga class; take the BBQ cooking class vs cooking with Kale class. Worse case you have fun learning something new, best case you meet someone great with a common interest.

Remind married/coupled friends know that you’re interested in meeting new people. Friends of friends are often a good way to connect.

FWIW, my husband, who I met online, said he would never have approached someone in the real world (Whole Foods, Starbucks, where ever) because he felt it was intrusive to do that when you have no idea if the person is single, interested, etc. and you can figure all that out online.

LOL the hubs (who I met online too) and I often joke about the “meet someone in a bookstore” advice because neither of us ever wanted to do that. A bookstore = reading to both of us, not socializing. “I see you’re reading Freud. Want to see my ego???”

I feel you. I recently restarted some apps too and it has not produced happiness for me. When I’m actively trying to date, I don’t know how to stop thinking that my singleness is a problem to be solved, and quickly, especially ’cause I’m “running out of time” in my late 20s and all my friends are married [insert cultural narrative designed to provoke female neuroses here].

It sounds like you aren’t really interested in dating and that’s totally okay. If you don’t have the brain space for it right now, and I totally get that, fill up your time with things you enjoy, whether it’s reading, painting, whatever. They don’t all have to be activities where you would be able to meet someone, it’s more to get your mind in a good place so you can be re-energized and open to dating when you feel like it.

I’ve done online dating and it can be both fun and exhausting. I met two people who I thought were viable candidates who both broke up with me out of the blue. I gave up on dating for a bit because I was over it and did things I liked – I rejoined a flag football team, ran some races, spent more time at the barn, etc.

At any rate, apps like Tinder are pretty low risk. It takes little energy to swipe and you don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to!

Two places to check out if you’re looking to meet men: Guitar Center (if you like music) or MicroCenter (computer/tech types). Neither of these places was on my radar until I met DBF. But these are places he would go and browse around on a Saturday afternoon.

FWIW I’m in Wisconsin and would totally do that outfit. If I was really worried about slush I might switch out knee high boots and wear white skinnies. White jeans are a staple for me year round. At work, they’re the perfect step up to business casual for me in my very casual (lots of guys in jeans) industry without feeling too fuddy duddy.

To clarify, I meant the leather jacket more as a topper similar to a blazer rather than as the sole jacket. (I was thinking of something similar to the Vince jackets which tend to be less bulky) I live in the great white north – I’m not that insane.

I do stand by my white jeans suggestion though – I probably wouldn’t wear them if it’s really slushy out but I think white jeans are appropriate always. I don’t wear them in the winter, but as soon as mid-March hits, no one will be able to stop me.

I bought these shoes based on something else on this site (probably the guide to comfortable heels) and I love them, but they fell apart pretty quickly. The comfy insert starting coming out after 3 months or so. I’ve only had them for 6 months at most. Do think Nordstrom would give me a new pair because they wore down so quickly? I’m hesitant to buy another pair even though these shoes are so comfy and taught me to be comfortable in such high heels.

I was a huge fan of these shoes, until mine also fell apart far too early for their price point. I spent several weeks trying to work with Corso Como’s customer service and was appalled at how rude they were. In the end, they told me that they weren’t interested in keeping me a customer (yes, someone said that explicitly) and sent me on my way. I eventually contacted Zappos (where I had purchased them) and they sent me a replacement pair that same day. I should have just gone straight to Zappos to begin with. When the replacement pair also fell apart quickly, I decided I was done with the brand forever. (Although, to be fair, the Corso Como boots that I bought before the whole thing started are still going strong and I’ll be very sad whenever they do die on me.)

It took over a year of searching for another pair of basic pumps that were as comfortable, but I eventually found something even better. Ukies make the BEST shoes and I now have a closet full of them. I’d highly recommend checking them out instead of Corso Como. I’ve also personally experienced great customer service from Ukies, which makes them shine even more in comparison to the people at Corso Como who just don’t care about the product they are producing.

From the mother of a baby about to turn one, please not something with sounds! Our baby would love a pull-toy, a puppet, blocks if he didn’t have them already, toy cars, or books with pictures of babies.

+1 to books. You could always pair it with a gift card to Target or Amazon if that doesn’t feel like enough of a gift. A bottle of wine for the parents to celebrate keeping baby alive for a year wouldn’t go amiss either.

Another +1 to books. I always give books picked out from the newest + highest rated on Amazon. Usually a big hit with the parents. :) And the kids too, although sometimes not right away when compared with the giant Star Wars Chewie (sp?) my husband gets her (true story from my nieces last birthday). My best friend three year old has a separate stack of all her “Laura” books that I’ve given her and she’ll make my bff read them all to her. “What is an idea?” Is a great book that my bff LOVED recently.

Any advice on transitioning jobs? I work in a government office as an attorney and just interviewed with a position with a midsized regional law firm. I’m a third year associate. Any advice on making the change?

So many gifts at that birthday, do they live somewhere where you can get an outside toy? We loved the ones that plugged into the hose to make a sprinkler. My niece just got SO MANY CLOTHES so I would maybe avoid that?

We live in a smallish suburb where a few of the churches do Faith Formation for the elementary/middle age kids on Wednesday nights. DH and I use it as date night and go out to dinner/drinks for the 90 mins we have free.

Last week DH invited his friend to join us and we ran into some acquaintances . One of the moms in the group is single and I mentioned that friend is also single. She said shes interested and I told husband we’re going back there next week and to invite friend. Husband is ADAMANT that we not do this. He doesn’t want to match make. I don’t think it is.

The two of them have a ton in common but don’t know each other despite living about a mile apart. It might not work out at all but not even trying seems wrong. I see so many women on here with dating woes, what do I do? I also don’t want to hurt her feelings to make her think he isn’t interested when he hasn’t even been consulted!

He is dating but isn’t exclusive with anyone, he does date younger than this lady but she is smarter/prettier/classier/better person than any of his dates that I’ve met.

Should I argue it out with DH? Invite friend behind his back? Tell this lady husband is being a jerk? I feel like I’m stuck in a tough spot here.

Ooooh that’s tough. If it was me I’d discuss it more with DH because I can usually get my way with him, haha. I’d just structure the convo so he knows it’s not “match making” but a one time thing that fell into your lap and what could it hurt? At least find out if friend is interested. If he’s still adamant I absolutely would not go behind his back, but I’d tell the lady that you know friend is single and you don’t really want to get involved, but this is his name and if she sees him again, she should introduce herself. Don’t throw hubby under the buss though.

I think my comment got eaten, sorry if this posts twice. So what you’re proposing is basically a double date where one “couple” is on a blind date? If that read is correct, I don’t blame your husband for not wanting to do it. This is your ONE date night a week and you want to spend it on this awkward disaster? I’d nope right out of that too. Why don’t you plan an outing with a larger group? Or host a casual party at your house? Invite both friends and see if they hit it off.

Sounds like a white lie of “think he’s seeing someone right now” wouldn’t be a stretch if you need something to avoid a set-up right now. Or you could just have a casual party and invite both of them and see what happens.

As someone who met my boyfriend (3 years strong!) via a match-making acquaintance, introduce them via email! That way, their relationship can develop separately from their friendships with you and without the pressure of being watched. My boyfriend is an extremely slow-moving dater–3 months after meeting him, I was ready to give up on a romantic relationship. If he had had to date me in front of his neighbor, there would have been no way for everything to work out.

I was set up by a number of friends who “happened” to invite us both to dinner or to a party or on a double date. It’s too much pressure to go on a first date in front of your mutual friends. The outcome tends to be that I talk to my friend and he talks to his friend; we don’t talk to each other.

Husband invited him without a big scene but he said he has too much to do tomorrow night. He swears he didn’t mention anything about matchmaking.

I love the party idea, we are finishing the bar in the man cave and planning a party soon. This lady generally wouldn’t be on the invite list because we aren’t close, but I’d like to know her better and just a bonus if they end up talking!

I’ve been in biglaw for a while and I’m considering a transition to in-house. I’m looking through the ACC listings. This is probably a stupid question, but are cover letters a thing for these positions? Other than circulating my resume to a couple of recruiters, I haven’t looked for a job since law school. I feel so out of touch. Thanks, all.

It depends on the positions. Unless your experience is a dead on match for a position ad you are a purple unicorn, I would recommend a cover letter. It is your opportunity to explain your interest in the position, discuss your transferrable skills and generally distinguish yourself from the masses.