The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents

Whenever I spend Christmas day with my family and find myself losing yet another game of Trivial Pursuit, I am mindful of the famous Jimmy Ormond response to Mark Waugh’s sledge during the 2001 Ashes series, when he said: “at least I’m the best player in my family.” As every sibling will tell you, that is one hell of a burn, because no matter how much you love one another, you still want to be better than them, at pretty much everything, all the time…especially when it comes to who is the more intelligent.

My sister has distinct advantage over me when playing Trivial Pursuit. Red wine consumption doesn’t increase my general knowledge, solicitors tend to be quite clever and unlike myself, she doesn’t just think she knows everything, she actually does – except for the subject of geography, which is such an embarrassing blind spot, that even she has to swallow her pride and admit her nine-year old daughter is more competent.

However, general knowledge quizzes are generally just the `prawn cocktail starter’ of the battle of wits on Christmas day. The `port and cheese course’ is all about winning arguments, be they political, social economic or anything really. I plant myself firmly on the opposite side to my sister in any argument, no matter what my beliefs are, just to try to prove I have the upper hand in that department. Unfortunately, this is another battleground I seem to be coming off second best these days. Where once I got away with half-truths and unprovable theories, stats or facts, I am now taken to task, not only by my sister, her husband and my other half, but now Alexa too. The `Anyone But Ches’ brigade I could handle, with relative ease, but how do you argue with a flipping database?

Predictably, Christmas 2017 went badly. First, I barely won a cheddar, then I found myself at the non-stilton end of the dinner table, but worse still, I nonchalantly suggested that bears didn’t hibernate. On the face of it just a completely insignificant remark, something you’d hardly bat an eyelid over, but in the hotbed of Christmas day, this presented the ideal opportunity for the ABC to take me to task.

“Of course bears hibernate, dipshit. What do you think they do all winter? Duh.”

Bears hibernate? Really? Shit. Have I just made myself look like a complete wilderness novice and effectively excluded myself from all future nature arguments? Should I double up and bring polar bears into the equation?

Sister: “Alexa…”

Too late.

“…do bears hibernate?”

Like the accused waiting to hear the verdict from the court clerk, I turn and face the cylinder-shaped voice of death. There is a pause…a last second before innocence, or in my case credibility, is ripped to shreds.

Alexa: “It is a common misconception that bears hibernate during the winter. While bears tend to slow down during the winter, they are not true hibernators. Black bears, Grizzly bears and Brown bears do go into a deep sleep during the winter months, known as torpor.”

Hang on. What was that Alexa? Did you just say that bears don’t hibernate? I am pretty sure that’s what I heard. It appears that I haven’t become the Daniel Baldwin of the family after all and indeed it is I, Ches, that shall carry the smug grin of a James Ormond for the remainder of the festive period.

“Bears don’t hibernate, they just take a bloody nap you bunch of Chris Packham `wannabies’. Oh, and while we are at it, Quokkas don’t hibernate either, unless the snow exceeds 10cm on Rottnest Island and that hasn’t happened for something like 20,000 years. So, there you have it, Ches officially wins Christmas 2018 you muppets.”

And breathe.

As you may be able to tell, it was a long old winter this year, with very few highlights, apart from the Quokkas presentation evening (Jordon stripping up to the waist during the karaoke didn’t really happen did it?), finally seeing Chekhov’s The Seagull and officially crowning Australia as the world’s most useless cheats (who’d of thought that if you shipped criminals, caught because they weren’t very good at committing crimes, half way round the world, leave them to breed on an Island for 230 years, they’d turn out to be underhand sportsman without the ability to conceal it). So, when the call went out for the first Quokkas game of the new season, never mind the fact I have developed tennis elbow, hardly moved from my work/armchair for six months and had promised to look after the niece/nephew that weekend (I hear Alexa is free), I was a `yes, count me flipping in Skip’. Eight other Quokkas came out of their hibernation to face the Whalers too and with a break in the rain and the standard three jumper weather nowhere to be seen, it was game on.

With Skip, suffering from a torn calf brought on by excessive stretching to retrieve dropped cake, it fell to The Quokka’s most successful and tactically astute captain, The Egg, to lead us to victory.

The End. [Ed: Aye? What do you mean `the end’?]

You really want me to wax lyrical for the next ten minutes about an Aussie breaking the Quokkas scoring record, getting two caught and bowled wickets and claiming the first five points in the bestest and fairest competition? [Ed: When you put it like that…]

I’m only kidding. When you’ve just witnessed an innings that requires Norris McWhirter’s attention, the last thing I’d ever want to do is gloss over it completely and just talk all about me for 934 words. So, let me try and picture the scene. For those Quokkas unable to frequent the Kings House Sports Ground on Sunday, what we witnessed was a complete and utter demolition of the Whalers bowling attack on what was a slow, tricky, pudding of a pitch. Pulls, drives, cuts, more drives, lofted drives, and some lofted right out of the park drives, all interspersed by some solid defence and shot selection, patient stroke play and for once, some half decent running too. Faggie, you may have been replaced by some random hipster on the Wren Kitchen adverts, but I can’t imagine Conor Short scored 125 not out (a new Quokkas record) this week. [Ed: at the time of going to press we are waiting to hear back from his agent]

I was fortunate enough to watch a large part of the innings from the bowlers’ end [Ed: and helping towards a partnership of 171 runs, a new Quokkas record) and it was tremendous entertainment. Not just the sixes to long on and long off, but the timing of the cover drives too. Credit where credit is due, he got his head down, didn’t offer a chance throughout and thoroughly deserves this 161-word sarcasm free section of the match report. That part is now over though, which means I can stop gritting my teeth. Most importantly, from a Quokka point of view, this fabulous innings helped set a huge total of 251 (another new Quokkas record), giving us every chance of avoiding defeat.

Without Skip, cake was plentiful, but having to brew your own cuppa from a teabag drew minus points from me. Over said tea we discovered that Binman would be in touring to Berlin on his own, there was a gout epidemic and there was some ludicrous notion that Ronnie had gone tea-total. As fun as it is to imagine Roland now spending his accumulated free time pottering about in the garden, building Airfix models or painting with watercolours, we had a game to win.

Opening our bowling attack was The Attack, fresh from his self-imposed five-year sabbatical (he mentioned something about a marriage and kids). With a half tracker nearly taking the opening batsman’s head off and requiring Slick to scramble to 5th slip to prevent four byes, it was as if he never had been away. Once he found his usual `just short of just short of a length’, the first wicket became inevitable, with the opener caught in the covers. At the other end, to Slick’s relief, Hank bowled at the actual stumps and prospered when cleaning bowling the number 3. The third wicket soon fell, this time to Dac and again caught, leaving our opponents 49-3 after 14 overs and with considerable work to do.

Unlike my family gettogethers there is not a lot of sledging of the opposition in Sunday cricket. It’s all very friendly and to be honest that exactly how we want to keep it. Sledging our own players is a different matter, and with no opportunity to slight Faggie’s bowling yet, I was left with no choice but to point out that Binman looked every bit of his 50 years when chasing one to the boundary. My superiority looked misplaced when later he had to assist me getting the ball back to the keeper from the same boundary due to my failing arm. I think it’s fair to say that we are not getting any younger as a team, but there was no lack of effort and a fair amount of skill showed by our opening bowlers. That continued when Jatin and Fruity came on to bowl beautifully, with both taking a wicket, including that of a very stubborn opening bat. But, with neither able to dislodge Khalil, who made a solid 50, Faggie came on and claimed two excellent caught and bowled wickets in his three over spell, to add to his fine century.

With overs running out for the Whalers, The Egg increased the pressure by bringing himself on to bowl and he could have had several wickets, including a leg before that could only have avoided the stumps if it had gone under them. Not satisfied with bamboozling our opponents with his tunnel ball, Egg brought Binman on at the other end and he immediately found a rhythm. A slow one, granted, but an immediate length and line that troubled the batsman. I for one was disappointed to discover that we had completed our 35 overs and wouldn’t get to see more of the Binman’s bowling.

The Whalers innings ended at 165 for 7 with the Quokkas earned themselves a fine victory. At this point I usually try to link the concluding text back to my opening section, but I’m no Mark Waugh and no matter how good Faggie’s innings was, I’m certainly not going to mention him in the same breath as Steve Waugh. Thus, I’d better insert something else, so here is my half-finished review of The Seagull, starring some fella called Jared. Bat, bowl, field, act. Is there anything this lad can’t do?

Why a Seagull?

With the play of the same name set by a lake, would a gull not be more appropriate, or perhaps some other bird completely? I find myself pondering this question for far too long, when really I should have been carefully considering the symbolism of Konstantine delivering the shot bird to his lover’s feet during act II. Perhaps something was lost in translation and The Seagull should actually be The Gull or maybe the sea bird just ventured inland and suffered tragic consequences. My failure to move on from this potential glitch threatens to ruin my enjoyment.

For those unfamiliar with The Seagull, the first of Chekhov’s four major plays, it follows a Shakespearean look at unreciprocated love and tragedy. Tragedy is not something that tends to follow rejection these days and trying to empathise with Konstantine’s woes is a stretch for someone with only the memory of being ignored by the best-looking girl at school to work with. Despite unreturned infatuations, I struggle to appreciate the level of pain that leads to him taking his own life. That’s not to say that, after a rather nervy opening, a promising young Constantine didn’t bring some very realistic emotional toil and lost hope to the role, but in a `swipe left to see the next fish in the sea’ type world I found it very hard to place myself in his shoes.

Fortunately, audiences don’t frequent the Theatro Technis for another dose of reality and although this comedic tragedy failed to inspire me into greater emotional awareness, my lack of compassion doesn’t prevent me from embracing this late eighteenth century classic. That is especially true when the production ventured to offer some much-needed humour, delivered delightfully by Semyon. But sadly, such occasions are too infrequent for my liking, although a lack of timing throughout may have hidden them from me. There is certainly erstwhile and genuine passion displayed by some of the ensemble cast at times, Arkadenia doesn’t hold back during arguments, but one or two conversations by Yevgeny and Pjotr are delivered without conviction and even lost behind the crackle of toffee wrappers being opened. Critically the performance flowed, with assured performances from Trigorin, Andreyevna and Nina, allowing the audience to be immersed in the inevitable love triangles that can be found at every turn.

One minute we’re walking out on the field, bowl pretty good, get a bit unlucky in the field, go out to bat, don’t hit enough sixes and what feels like 10 seconds later we’ve lost the match.

Ahhh the BDNO.

We had some stand out moments – Monty copped it tough being peppered at deep mid wicket but kept his cool and remains a massive legend in my books. Gaz was kept busy at deep-backward point and saved a bunch of boundaries without putting a foot wrong. Pup affected an insane run-out off his own bowling flicking a direct hit at the non-strikers end from side-on, some credit for which must go to J-Rod who obligingly departed the field so that I could bring Pup on (thanks J-Rod).

Rohan kept wicket tremendously and took every chance that came his way. Jay bowled a tight line getting the most out of the flat track. Big Dog bowled a really tidy penultimate over and claimed another scalp. Alex tossed one up and got carted for four, then dared the batsmen to do it again and got the wicket next ball and another one the ball after that.

Ed’s over was water-tight and also removed someone’s leg stump while Local closed out the death sharply.

The fact that hardly any runs (maybe 2?) were scored behind square leg was testament to our good line – the stumbling block being the semi-regular drag-downs which disappeared over mid wicket.

We were kept well in check with the bat and unfortunately just couldn’t find the boundary enough with the exception of Dutchy who made retirement in the usual quick time. I flat batted one over square leg that missed a small child’s face by a few inches… horrific situation avoided.

Luckily the only drama that followed was that we pretty easily lost the match.

Sincere apologies to those who missed out on the chance to contribute with the bat namely Pup, Big Dog, Monty and Local. Your understanding and sportsmanship was truly appreciated despite some obvious frustration.

Also big thanks to Kathleen behind the bar and those who put in so much time and effort behind the scenes for the wild and unique event that is the BDNO.

The Big Day Not Out (BDNO) has been more agile than a Quokka fielder in recent seasons, moving from the end of the season to anytime where the Edinburgh Gardens is available during the Summer. This seasons effort has been moved to the quasi-traditional spot at the end of the season, providing the garlic sauce effect by adding a little more spice to the contest as YPCA teams battle it out for supremacy in the T10 format.

With the ICC looking to get T10 cricket included in the Olympics, now would be a good time to get the IOC to look away at something else.

It is with a little sadness that The Quokkas go into this game, as it bids adieu to what has been a busy Summer, but a thoroughly enjoyable one in which the squad actually won some games and really supported one another throughout (almost).

Thanks for everything, all of you.

Form Guide:

The Quokkas come into this game having narrowly lost to the ANSC by about 20 runs, or the difference of their best player. Given this format is much shorter, the opportunity for good players to score 40-odd is non-existent, which works in the Quokkas favor.

Huzzah for lack of opportunities! Bring back serfdom!

In the Spotlight:

Pup comes into this match after the best game of his career (that we know of), having scored 46 and bowled some crazy left-arm swing. His Runs Per Over rate this season is an incredible 3.6, which is probably a little too ridiculous.

Snipper is Captain for the match, having been the best on ground last season. The man in the shades has “only” averaged 27 with the bat this season, but done so at a strike rate of 2.08 & with 74% of his runs coming from boundaries (44% sixes) – which is more than enough for the BDNO.

Team News:

Young snip-snip has a quorum of Quokkas to choose from this week, including:

Ed

Big Dog

Dutchy

Jay

Alex

Radar

Monty

Pup

Snipper

Local

J Rod

Gaz

Pitch and Conditions:

Autumn will truly be on show this Sunday, with a wet and windy day predicted and a high of 21 degrees. The start time of 11am may include some tough conditions and sore heads, but may help the bowlers with swing.

Alfred Crescent Oval is notable for its small boundaries, which can appear to get mysteriously smaller once the batsmen get started.

Stats and Trivia:

This will be the Quokkas 8th attempt at winning the BDNO, this years squad arguably being the strongest since Rowdy and Gladys appeared;

Ed and Pup are the only players to appear in every Quokka BDNO, with Dutchy and the Big Dog having missed 1 each

There’s a serenity/chaos dichotomy in pub league cricket and its fair to say Nerrena has won the Quokkas’ hearts. It’s a field placed upon a majestic location with a view to die for. Any hipster barista in pub-league territory could only dream of the single origin milk/cream produced in these parts and wouldn’t know what to do when confronted with the majestic view from the Nerrena oval, on the crest of a hill overlooking a landscape somehow escaped by the Heidelberg school, who quite frankly couldn’t be farked traveling beyond the old metro zone 1 train ticket reaches.

Not bad

The Nerrena game has become folklore amongst the quokka tribe, not just for the challenge, scenery and view but the pre-game fish n chips night-before tradition (entering its second year). The quokka tribe has entered an aggressive recruitment plus breeding program. If anyone needs to understand ‘cute’ please witness Radar and Caitlin dote over the quokkas future No3 batsman and opening bowler!

A last minute change with our leading strike bowler and trophy promulgate, Big Dog, needing to go home as his father had passed back in Ireland – brought a sobering reality to proceedings.

And then onto game day…

The quokkas went with an aggressive (confused?) turn-up-before-the-opposition-tactic, Albeit only half of us. The inevitable last minute logistical confusion ensued as some had gigs the night before and others were still asking Siri where ‘Near Enya’ was…

Some context…

The Nerrena lads have previously spanked the quokkas with their mix of older guile and youth. This year the yoof faces changed but still were impressive (almost to the point I would say the best Nerrena we have faced!).

But there was a ‘plan’. A ‘chaos plan’.

The Quokkas bowled first.

This was to be a theory derived in Dutchy’s deluded mind that cricket doesn’t apply to pub-league. Reactionary field placing was gone, traditional field placing were verboten and Bowlers would be backed rather than reactionary. And so a big thank you to the Nerrena batsmen for making that plan look ok.

And to say the quokkas bowling stepped up was an understatement, I am not exaggerating to state it was one of the best ever Quokkas bowling performances to date. Ed, Alex, Pete, Jay and Radar swung, moved and bowled tight with Ed, Alex and Radar knocking the stumps down. And then, the secret weapon Rolly was introduced. First ball. Skied to Rev. Catch taken.

Paramedics were called… mainly for the Quokkas…

Things were looking good for the Quokkas as the Nerrena lads were mistakenly playing cricket whilst the Quokkas were playing the short game. A statement that may never be repeated re Quokkas bowling is that no single over contained more than one boundary. No, seriously!

Snipper bowled with one arm and was unfairly bombarded with catches on his injured side. Ed was almost eviscerated by a ‘chance’ at square leg and in total the quokkas dropped approx 6 (sometimes brutal) catches but those numbers don’t tell a true tale.

Put simply. The Quokkas excelled. Cath (with Piper), under trying circumstances, had made the trip and came on to bowl. The instructions were simple, “bowl as high as and loopy as Darragh does”. Within her first three deliveries she almost had two wickets and honestly could have finished the day with three,

Whilst the Nerrena lads were swishing, there wasn’t much runs and despite the forced retirements of faces their total got up to 139.

And now the Quokkas were faced with a conundrum before unseen.

The usual 25 overs historically has seen us staring down 170-200+ totals. The choke was on!

But Nerrena had a rather annoying battery of young bowlers who looked like they knew of this mysterious ‘line and length’ white whale some have spoken of, yet rarely harpooned, in pub league.

After a short break whereupon the quokkas tried to mentally readjust to the possibility of a gettable target, Rev and Radar (R&R) headed out. Now the Rev is a new beast this season and has been spotted on occasion playing ‘shots’. And yet somehow went out despite looking good. Radar is one of my ‘moneyball’ players. flashy bat that likes it coming at him fast and sending it away faster, unfortunately sucked into a stumping but had the scoreboard ticking early…

Enter Jay. After checking Rev wasn’t at the other end, he yet again played some great scoring shots and kept the runs coming. There’s thirties in his future soon…

But soon the fireworks and soundtrack pumped across the landscape as the ‘single origin Local show’ waltzed out and immediately introduced the backward sweep to great effect for a boundary.

Jay departed after some quick runs to let Alex get involved. As if it wasn’t enough that he was capable of bowling some seriously awesome leg breaks, it would not be over stated to say Alex has been nothing short of amazing with the willow this season.

I mean, he does cheat; footwork should be discouraged…

Snipper still managed to bat effectively despite being one sided and Ed and myself ticked over the last few runs to take victory.

Personal highlights:

Watching Peter show his lad (Radar) and grandson he still has it!

Watching the confusion on Quokkas faces with field placings that can change between overs!

Piper teaching new emojis on the sidelines

Our best bowlers being pretty much all of us!

It was fairly quickly made sober to realise the Big Dog wasn’t here to witness a first, historic win for the “O’Donovan-Gannon’ Trophy.

A huge thank you to the Nerrena crew for hosting a great day which we are already look forward to next year’s edition.

Love seeing the new young faces come through the Nerrena team. Big thanks to locals Will and cohorts for filling in whilst the Quokka last few rolled up.

The toss was had and won by us (thankfully) and we sent it the All Nations guys for a bat. Luckily for us the we had the ball swinging and seaming and everyone managed to bowl good line and length, a rare treat for the quokkas. I managed to make the first breakthrough with a wayward delivery down leg which caught the back of the bat and was held on to in the deep by pup. The batsmen crossed and I had the other opener caught behind very next ball, on a hatrick!! We bought the field in and had 3 slips, a first for pub cricket, and I was belted back over my head.

Enter Dutchy: Some brilliant spin bowling and some excellent keeping by Radar had the batsmen stumped as he chased one down the wicket on the last ball of the over. His next delivery yielded the very same result, on another hat-trick!! Unfortunately no luck on the third ball but the Quokkas were in good nick thats for sure.

Some excellent batting by the ANSC got them in a solid position toward the end of the innings and left us with a decent but chase-able total to reach to win the game.

Radar and local opened and got us off to a solid start before Radar was clean bowled by a great delivery. Enter Pup. Pup played some great strokes early in his innings including a very nice cut shot for 6. Local departed soon after. We then lost a string of wickets quickly and were looking wobbly. Pup retired and I took his position. The first bit of bat I’d gotten on anything in 3 games was hit straight in the air and I was gone as soon as I was in.

It was up to Snipper and Alex to save the game and we were looking good until Snipper departed, sending pup back in to finish the innings. A strong fight between Alex and Pup wasn’t enough to save the day as the ANSC came out on top to take a much deserved win!!

And so the penultimate Quokka day of the Summer is upon us with this, the match against All Nations Social Cricket (ANSC).

The genesis of this match came from the games that The Quokkas used to play against the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre (ASRC) which came to an ending as untimely as any of my batting innings, though more due to the volunteer who organised their team leaving due to work commitments, rather than one of my brain fades.

The ANSC has picked up where the ASRC cricket program left off, providing a means for asylum seekers and refugees to access the game, and all the physical and mental health benefits that this brings – as well as engagement with the broader community. Indeed this game is more a celebration of what the game can bring, rather than a demonstration of the game itself, which is a good thing considering the strong Quokka involvement.

Here’s looking forward to a fun match.

Fun

Form Guide

Unbelievably, The Quokkas are coming into this match having won their last two.

In The Spotlight:

Monty returns to the field of dreams (Ramsden St) this weekend for his first crack at the Captaincy. Having shown that he obviously played quite a bit of junior cricket through his reticence to swing wildly at every ball and the ability to bowl on the pitch, it will be interesting to see whether he goes with 4 or 5 in the slips cordon.

The BIG DOG returns to the side this week with this seasons leading wicket takers award firmly in his sights. The soul of The Quokkas is sure to surprise the ANSC with his bowling technique, here’s hoping the deep midwicket fielders can surprise the rest of us by holding a few catches and handing the large hound the trophy.

Artists impression of batsmen facing The Dog

Team News:

With another 8 months without cricket staring them in the face with an expression as lifeless as the MCG pitch, its been all hands up in response to the call for availability at the start of the week.

The squad (at the time of writing) is:

Local

VP (vp)

Gaz

Roley

Pup (vc)

Jay

J Rod

Snipper

Radar

Big Dog

Monty (c)

Alex

Pitch and Conditions:

Ramsden Street Oval (aka. Revs-den) has been a happy hunting ground for The Quokkas for many a season, as well as their preferred training venue. With wide boundaries and short grass, the ground lets both the belters and the nudgers score runs, as well as open up many more opportunity for (dropped) catches.

Our last match their ended up not being there, but another place that wasn’t there, so we will be very happy to be there where it is.

The forecast for Sunday is a potentially damp 20 degrees, so there may be some swing early and better batting conditions later. A good toss to win.

Stats and Trivia:

Dutchy is only 30 runs off 200 for the season, and 35 off one thousand career runs, which is quite remarkable really and quite a credit to him;

Jay is sitting on 17 career wickets, a casual 3-wicket haul will bring him into the elite group of 20 wicket takers. Given he averages 0.4 wickets per over, he will need to channel his inner Chef (0.94 WPO);

Snipper is only 20 runs off 400 career runs for the Quokkas, given he averages 47.5, he should get there this weekend if given the chance. Only 5 other Quokkas have hit more than 400 runs

Alex is currently leading the team for balls faced this season, having faced 17.5 overs, narrowly ahead of Ed 15.8

Ed is leading the team in legal deliveries for the season with 84, narrowly ahead of the reborn tweaker Dutchy, who is on 78. Of course, The Rev has the most number of total deliveries with 839

This match is the second-leg of this seasons bipedal series between the VBCA and The Quokkas, with the VBCA taking out the first match earlier this season (which was a warm up for them ahead of Nationals). The last match was relatively one-sided, The Quokkas happy just to get the majority of a team on the park.

This match, though, is a little different. The Quokkas have a full XI available at the time of writing, meaning there should be possibly (maybe) 8 ready by Sunday morning. The games against the VBCA are always good fun and played with a great spirit, at least once the bar is opened at midday.

Form Guide:

The Quokkas are actually coming off their first Tour win EVER, having beaten Nerrena in Nerrena in a tightly contested match last weekend. This is a matter that should illicit wonder as much as it does concern, I‘m pretty sure a Quokkas away win is one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Taken in context though, an away win won’t have too much impact on this game as the nuances of the rocking & rolling ball take hold.

Similar to touring games, The Quokkas are traditionally pretty poor at Blind Cricket matches, but perhaps all that is about to change too.

In The Spotlight:

J Rod returns for his annual Captaincy stint, fresh from the birth of his second child, full of vim and vigor. And sleep. ‘The Rod’ has been known to get so worked up at games that others can tell he is actually breathing, so it will be interesting to see how he approaches captaining a match when the soft, shaded outfields of Kooyong are available.

The Quokkas are also hoping to welcome back Gaz, who has been missing in 2018 due to a combination of sickness and cardigan-related issues. We all look forward to seeing how the casual cover-driver handles the rolled ball.

We also see the return of the only Quokka to get paid for appearing, albeit with what he calls “fizzy drink” and “twisted up chips”.

“I want Twisties!”

Team News:

The XI (at the time of writing) is:

Ed

Dutchy

Snipper

Radar

J Rod (c)

Rev

Roley

Jay

Pup

Gaz

Maxy

Pitch and Conditions:

The VBCA grounds are a real delight, with soft outfields, lots of shade and the comforts of the commentary box readily available. The slight slope to the ground also creates some challenges for the bowlers, similar to bowling into v with the wind in non-blind cricket.

Who in The Quokkas will be their Peter Siddle?

Artists impression of Peter Siddle

The BOM is expecting a top of 22 on Sunday, so it should be a very comfortable day out.

Stats and Trivia:

This will be the 6th match between the VBCA and The Quokkas (someone should really organise a trophy), the only Quokka to have played in all of them being The Rev;

This will be the third match between Nerrena and The Quokkas, and the first time we are playing for the O’Donovan – Gannon Trophy. The O’Donovan- Gannon Trophy is surely in the top 10 of Irish cricketing trophies, so there is plenty to play for there.

This match is an annual fixture that The Quokkas look forward to with great anticipation, the Nerrena ground being as beautiful a pitch as you will find in Gippsland, much like the representatives of the team itself. Despite all this, and perhaps unsurprisingly, The Quokkas have never won in Nerrena; which possibly explains why we keep getting invited back.

Last years game was great fun; The Big Dog got his opposite number out in the first over of the game, Tuesday hit some handy runs, The Rev knocked himself out while fielding, everyone had a laugh at that and a general good time. Oh yeah, we also raised some cash for Beyond Blue.

Form Guide:

After starting the season in imperious form, normal programming has returned on Channel Quokka, with 3 losses in a row. The efforts and attitude have remained high though, and some players (Radar, Dutchy, Alex and Ed) are arguably in career-best form. Should these 4 keep up their form (and the rest not play too badly), The Quokks are a good chance to push for a win here.

In the Spotlight:

After debuting against Nerrena in our first match against them, Jay, has gone on to play pretty much every game since, whether they be in Sri Lanka, Rottnest Island or Clifton Hill.

One of these guys has taken 17 wickets. The other has taken 15.

In his 16 YPCA games, Jay has taken 17 wickets at 16.12 and scored 254 runs at 25.4. All of this has been done with impeccable technique that speaks of afternoons spent at proper cricket training and an application that is possibly wasted at our level. More than this, though, has been Jays contribution to the team. Always positive and supportive, Jay has brought the spirits and the performances of the team up with him.

Team News:

It’s obviously been a long season, as we’ve had to scramble to get an XI together for the first time this season. While many weeks this season have started with 14 or so available for the coming weekend, this week started with horse trading and has ended with a high likelihood of a full squad.

Radar has managed to convince his Dad to play, which will be a real boon to the teams bowling stocks, as well as the general level of cool in the team. Can anyone else’s Dad casually talk about working with Sugarman?

Yeah, thought so.

Snipper is scheduled to make his long-awaited return to the team this Sunday too, though musical commitments may provide an obstacle.

The XI (at the time of writing) is:

Local

Radar

Dutchy (c)

Jay

Alex

Ed

Big Dog

Pete Sforcina

Snipper

Roley

Cat *

Rev *

* Cat will probably bat & Rev will probably field for her (this way he cant run anyone out – on either team)

Pitch and Conditions:

The Nerrena Recreation Ground is an absolute Quokka favourite and has an average rating of 5 stars on the Quokka Travel Guide**. With the green, undulating hills of Gippsland making up the background and pine plantations neighboring it, Nerrena is an empowering place for the spirit and the senses – kind of like the opposite to India. The weather forecast is for a cool 22 on Sunday with a chance of rain, here’s hoping that the wet stuff stays away long enough to get a game in.

** May not exist

Stats and Trivia:

Local is only 21 runs off hitting 100 for this season, which he should do rather quickly as long as he stays in. His strike rate for the season is Darcy Short-esque at 1.61

Roley got his first Quokka YPCA runs in the last match, scoring 14 in fairly quick time after deciding that hitting boundaries involved a lot less running that singles

Captain Dutchy is only 35 runs off ONE THOUSAND career YPCA runs for The Quokkas. Given he is averaging 56.7 for the season (at a strike rate of 2.02), he could get there in a couple of overs on Sunday

We decided we would try to get through the overs real quick in the second half.

I reckon that worked well.

Rohan kept really well.

Kept rolling the ball back the bowler real quick after each bowl.

The batsmen were caught off guard.

Pup bowled like a legend.

Even after being flattened by a large bloke with no sense of spacial awareness.

Ed bowled good.

Local bowled good.

Dutchy bowled real good.

Fielding remained a challenge and we let a few through.

We really kept the run rate down toward the end.

Pressure was high.

We walked off at the the end of the innings like a bunch of legends. We supported the hell out of each other while under the pump. It wasn’t an easy day to be captain. But an easy day to be proud of the Quokkas attitude.

We needed 220ish to win. lol.

Dutch and Pup opened.

Dutch got out.

Dylan came in.

Dylan blocked it to a fielder.

Called yes when he was 3 paces from the bowlers end and took a few extra skips past Pup.

Bowler rolls ball to keeper.

Keeper knocks bails off.

Rainbow think it’s all pretty funny.

Pup surprised to see Rev his end o pitch.

Rev stands his ground.

Pup displays an impressive feat of maturity and martyrdom decides to solve the stale mate by leaving the field.

Top order collapsed.

Local and Dog looked good but saw red and got unlucky.

I went in at 6.

Over 8 maybe?

We were probably on 60ish.

I hit excellent cricket shots and retired.

Then Ed did the same.

Rolley did a good job of holding up an end.

I came back in and batted like Brian Lara.

Then I got out which was shitty because we could have won if I had of kept my head and batted on.