This is what James Bond will be like directed by Danny Boyle

So, Danny Boyle is going to direct the next James Bond film, but what the hell does that actually mean? If the producers had gone for, say, Christopher Nolan, fans would know what was coming: expensive action with macho pondering. Tim Burton’s 007 would have Johnny Depp as the spy, falling for an undead Bond girl. Sofia Coppola’s would be beautiful, MI6 kitted out in exploding Converse, a theme song sung by Phoenix...

After all, those directors have a distinctive style. A type of film they remake ever so slightly every four years or so. Boyle, though, is probably the most random mainstream director working today. His work can be exceptional (Trainspotting; Frankenstein at the National Theatre, Steve Jobs), excusable (A Life Less Ordinary; Millions; 127 Hours) or excrement (Trance; Trainspotting 2). Totally unpredictable levels of quality and such a scattergun approach to genre that he’ll probably make a Bollywood film before his time’s up.

Oh, he already did: Slumdog Millionaire.

Right. He has such a scattergun approach to genre that he’ll probably make an existentialist sci-fi film…

Oh, he already did: Sunshine.

I give up. He’ll probably do the Olympics one day!

Bond fans should not be so much worried as intrigued. So what can we be certain about, for when the biggest film of the director's career lands next year? First, it will star Daniel Craig. Secondly, the pace will be kinetic. Boyle is excellent at rhythm, with his films moving along to an oft-tribal beat, so his Bond will have far more clip than the stagey Sam Mendes films, probably a blend of Casino Royale's parkour scene and the whole of the underrated Quantum Of Solace. Thirdly, the theme song will be good; don't rule out the first hip hop track played over the opening credits. Maybe Stormzy, possibly with a female vocalist to placate the traditionalists. Stormzy and Florence Welch – watch this space.

Suddenly, this is very exciting. Yes, Boyle can be erratic, but more often than not he skews towards fresh ideas, which cannot be said of Mendes and the Bond franchise as a whole. Imagine this: an opening chase like the extraordinary start of 28 Days Later, in which Cillian Murphy walks across a deserted Westminster Bridge. Then the Stormzy and Florence song. Then a chase, similar to the one in Trainspotting when Renton gets hit by a car. Next, Bond meets a baddie, a slippery tech genius similar to how Michael Fassbender played Steve Jobs, but Russian. Given everything that's going on, the villain will have to be Russian. That is the setup, but what of the romance? How about something scuzzy, such as when Kelly Macdonald and Ewan McGregor met while high in Trainspotting. Maybe 007 will use Tinder on one of Russian Steve Jobs' phones and that is how he will take over the world. Later on, Bond gets his arm stuck under a rock, à la 127 Hours, and has to saw it off using a laser sword given to him by Q. Russian Steve Jobs gives him a replacement arm, made of phones, and starts to control him via The Cloud. In the end, they have a big dance in Mumbai, but I haven't figured out why.

There is a lot of guesswork ahead. Boyle is one of the most passionate directors around, and as one of the nicest in the business, too, everyone should wish him well. But, yes, the final result? Who knows? Yet the last time he tackled something this big and amorphous, which could have been a disaster and deeply embarrassing for both him and his country, he turned in the finest Olympic opening ceremony in history.