“Pleeeeaaaassse, mommy, please can we get some gummy bears?” No sooner does your child learn to speak, then she’s begging for junk food. The sooner—and more consistently—you create and enforce clear limits, the easier it will be for both you and your children to develop and stick to healthy habits. That said, no matter what your child’s age or how lenient you’ve been in the past, you can always start enforcing stricter limits. It feels hard at first but hey, who ever said parenting is easy?

It’s up to you to decide just how many Skittles and Goldfish and juice boxes you’re comfortable with your child eating. Rest assured that, whatever limit you set, your child will object, usually in the form of intense whining. It’s best to respond to objections with short, simple, firm and empathetic statements explaining why you’re saying no and validating their disappointment and longing. No need for long lectures or scare tactics. No need to get irritable and exasperated. Just make it clear that no means no and that you understand how hard it is to not get to eat whatever you want.

Response: “I’ve learned a lot about healthy eating lately and so our family is making some changes for the better.”

Plea: “But all my friends get dessert in their lunch box every day”

Response: “I’m not their mom/dad, so I don’t get a say in what they eat. I’m making decisions about what’s healthy for our family.”

Plea: “But YOU’RE having candy and soda all the time, why can’t I?”

Response:[He’s got you there! It’s very important to model healthy eating and keep junk food out of sight. If you don’t want to change your own habits, hide the evidence—I know that sounds deceitful, but if you’re not willing to give up your food vices, what’s the alternative?]

Plea: “I ate all my vegetables…I deserve dessert now.”

Response: “Vegetables are for every day, dessert is just for special occasions because too much dessert can make us sick.”

Plea: “I’m having a terrible day and this would cheer me up.”

Response: “Tell me more about your day and what’s bothering you…I don’t want you to try to make your feelings go away by eating something sweet.”

Plea: “I NEVER get to eat anything good.”

Response: “We have special treats once a week [or whatever your rule is] and it can be hard waiting for the next treat. In the meantime, we have lots of other yummy things in the fridge…”

Plea: “I hate you!” (Every parent’s favorite)

Response: I can see you’re very mad at me. My number one job is to keep you safe and healthy so I’m going to say no to something unhealthy even if that makes you mad. Maybe we can play a game together when you’re feeling less mad.”

Any of the above responses can be coupled with an offer of a healthy snack. For tweens and teens, feel free to get into more of the details about the health effects of junk food and how the industry spends $2 billion a year marketing it to children. It’s important that, as they become independent consumers, they learn to spot—and resist—manipulative and alluring marketing tactics.

This approach has worked well for me with my now-eleven year old son, who routinely astounds (and annoys) his friends’ parents by reading aloud (and with barely disguised scorn) the nutrition labels on snacks served during playdates. He knows that, just because his sweet tooth beckons doesn’t mean it has to be satisfied. He understands that he’ll get to enjoy the occasional treat but that the default is nutritious food. There are no more power struggles, no begging, no whining. And when he sees a Gatorade commercial featuring athletes, he’s quick to point out the hypocrisy.

How do you enforce limits on junk food in your family? Please share your tips and experiences below.

Erica Etelson is a Berkeley-based solar marketing consultant and mother. She’s the founder and moderator of the brand-new Facebook community Sugarcrash. You can also find her on Twitter: @sugarcrashers.

I’m kind of hoping that the kidlet will just come to accept that we just don’t have a lot of those things in the house. Personally, I plan on using the “it’s very expensive and doesn’t have any nutrition” response to whining for junk food. This is largely true where I live–name-brand sodas and junk foods are relatively expensive compared to apples and the like.

But I don’t think it’s a good idea to actively limit junk food. My mother did that, and my response was to sneak ice cream and other junk foods whenever I could; it wasn’t until after I moved out and had unlimited access to all the cr@ppy foods in the world that (ironically enough) I stopped craving junk foods. Nowadays if I’m tempted by sweets, I ask myself if it’s really what I want, and whether I’m willing to put up with a crappy workout for it (excess sugar–more than a bit of chocolate–makes my workouts feel twenty times harder for some reason). Most of the time, I’m not. But if it is and if I am, I’ll have some.

I think it’s just a good idea to always ask, “What do you really want?” And if the answer is still “ice cream”, then tell them to wait a bit.

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