Life With Green Eyes

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a thousand times and I’m a parent who thinks this moment, this day, this season, this stage, this age, this child of mine…cradled in my arms, asleep on my shoulder, asking for one more goodnight hug and kiss, wrapped around my legs, shouting for me to watch, singing me a song, picking me flowers, drawing me pictures, writing me notes, dancing gleefully, learning to ride a bike, needing a ride to goalie camp and back every day this week and insisting I stay and watch, demanding I drop everything and push him on his swing, inviting me to play with him, hoping to have a picnic, twirling my hair, wanting only me for comfort, sitting in my lap, snuggled in my bed, eager for me to meet his friends, telling me long stories about his day, sharing her ice cream with me, smiling ear to and reaching out little arms for me when I get her out of bed, making me paintings everyday at preschool, asking for my help on a project, staring at me from the backseat as we drive here and there, demanding and delighting in my attention, sharing our time and space and hearts…..will last forever.

It seems like it will never end sometimes. When I’m tired or alone or overwhelmed by all this responsibility. It seems interminable. Sometimes it seems permanent. Like we were meant to be together and we will always be as we are now. And sometimes, as you sort through preschool mementos and attend kindergarten meetings, it seems so fleeting. It seems so precious. And you realize the baby you just brought home from the hospital is walking and talking. The tiny boy who picked out a red tricycle for his second birthday is zooming by on a two wheeler without training wheels. The bright eyed boy you remember putting on the kindergarten bus is starting third grade. The summer I anticipated sharing with them with such excitement is over. And I realize that I have spent many days working, cleaning, cooking, washing, preparing, planning, researching, organizing, and surviving and not so much time playing, watching, listening, holding, cuddling, gazing, singing, reading, and taking it all in. Caring for young children is a lot of work. It takes a lot of energy, physically, mentally, emotionally. It is also a joy, a privilege, a gift, a life filled with wonder and amazement and so much love. And it does not last forever. So I will embrace it while it’s here. My life and my heart are full. It makes me sad to think I take it for granted. It breaks my heart to imagine it changing. And yet it does over and over. And I am surprised over and over. And I am bewildered over and over. I love these kids with all my heart, and I will savor who they are and what we share every day.