September 28, 2011

I'm pissed off right now. Or should I say, ashamed for subjugating myself to stupidity and to my hormones.

Recently, I started "dating" a guy. Notice how I used quotation marks there? It's because, well, what we did wasn't dating in normal circumstances. We started out flirting and talking, but we never really went out on an official "date". Now a date in my book would be a dinner or movie or something like that, but we didn't really do any of that. I guess you could say that we met-up during available times to talk and hang out.

Anyways, so after hanging out everyday for a week, things started getting really steamy between us. Now, it's been awhile since I had any sex, so I get pretty turned on easily nowadays. And him being a stud that he is and being oh so willing in engaging in promiscuous talk, we kind of fooled around.

The first few times were fairly tame, engaging in heavy flirtatious both in person and through texts and online conversations. Then a couple of days later, the online and text messages turned really X-rated and before we knew it, we ended up doing sexual acts together.

The first couple of times, we simply jerked each other off. Nothing really that exciting. And then, I finally gave in and gave him a blowjob. When he came in my mouth, I asked for the favor to be returned, he politely refused. Now, being the nice person that I was, I let it go and had him jerk me off instead.

After that incident, I started noticing that every time we got together, we ended up talking about sex and getting off every single time. When I wanted to talk about something else or when I tried engaging him into normal conversations, he suddenly became so standoffish and uninterested. I found him dazing off in person or see him reply short phrases through texts. I must say it was starting to piss me off.

Then, it all came down to a showdown where he asked me if we could have sex. I said I would if he gave me a blowjob first. He politely refused saying that he was uncomfortable with that. I then proposed to him that I wanted to rim him. He again said that he was uncomfortable with that too. I was starting to get prissy about this whole situation because he kept insisting that we still have sex. But I refused and told him pointblank, "I feel used."

To say that he was surprised was an understatement. In fact, I think he was shocked and severely taken aback from my accusation. He asked me why I felt that way. I basically poured out my feelings to him. Here are the reasons why I said I felt like he was just using me:

He only messages me lately when he wants to get off (would you believe I was sexting him in work because he was horny?!)

He never wants to participate and reciprocate to some of the things I do to him

How we once agreed that we wouldn't stop taking "care" of each other until both of us had cum (he stopped fondling me once he came and left me to dry)

How this wasn't his first time doing this... you know, flirting with guys and getting each other off (which sent the signals in my head to overdrive since he mentioned once that he never, ever engages in one night stands)

After I was done explaining, he was incredibly apologetic and was pretty silent and distant the entire night. In the end, I felt a little guilty for perhaps overreacting too much and said that I would still like to be friends after this. He also agreed to it, but he said that we shouldn't flirt anymore. I agreed in the end.

This incident ended two days ago and he has never contacted me since. Even when a huge typhoon came down swinging our place, he never once bothered to ask me if I was okay or even checked on me once. I mean, come on, even my friend from South Africa bothered to check up on me. But you didn't! Considering we both have Blackberries and that texting me through BBM would be technically free!

Some friendship this turned out to be. I guess I was right to say that to your face. User bitch.

September 24, 2011

Hey guys, sorry I’ve been MIA lately. Reason why is I finally landed myself a job! Hoorah! After spending an entire month or so going to interviews and applying, I finally got accepted in some really nice firm in my country’s business district. I can’t tell you how relieved I was that I finally got myself a job. Going out with friends was difficult a few weeks beforehand now that my parents cut off my allowance. It’s nice to earn your own money, you know? Granted, my salary isn’t that big yet, but I’m really after more of the experience for now than the money.

When I got to work on the first day, I was put fast to work. Jesus. Was it startling! I mean, here I was in my first day and they gave me a fricking hotel to work on. Mother of god. I think I was out of it for the first few hours. I mean, hello, a hotel as your first project?! That doesn’t get any bigger than that! Especially since our client was one of the leading real estate developments in the Philippines. Talk about pressure.

I promised myself I won’t be telling my work experiences in full detail. After all, I think it’s a cardinal rule that you should never blog about work… and I don’t want to be one of those people whose blog gets accidentally stumbled upon by officemates. No sirrrr…

So I’ll just stop here and say I’ve had a pretty steady first week of work. There’s still a lot of stuff to do though. Hopefully, I succeed in the end!

September 13, 2011

So I was sitting with Cachi on the flight all the way to Amsterdam. My other friend, Val was four seats in front because the counter lady wasn’t able to place all three of us in a single row. I took the window seat while Cachi took the middle seat and her seatmate on her left was a very large Dutch man.

hello, Dutch sky

Since we were using the same airline as the one going to Hong Kong, I was already familiar with the music choices inside the airline. So I made a playlist with the indie music scene. I browsed through the pop section and my jaw dropped. Omg. I wasn’t kidding. I think Cachi caught me with my mouth agape. I found Adele, some Maroon 5, and god forbid, Lissie. Shit. They had Lissie. I thought I was the only person in the whole world who listens to Lissie. God. I was refreshed to know that an airline recognizes her talents as much as I do. LOL.

So in the end, I made a 57-track playlist. I think it took me around 20 minutes to manually add each song. I had to do it twice though since the airline had to reboot the system. That meant manually adding them for another 20 minutes… That wasn’t fun, let me tell you.

I also got the to watch a couple of episodes of Modern Family. I don’t usually watch movies on airlines because sitting in a very restricted seat for more than an hour while watching a movie without breaks isn’t very comfortable. I usually just pop in some TV shows or music. I did get a few episodes of True Blood… but I had to stop it during the sex scenes because that would be awkward. I mean, our seats were in front of the lavatories, so there’s absolutely no one or no seats behind us so people would be standing behind our seats, waiting for their turn to use the bathroom. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have someone catch me watching the really graphic sex scenes of True Blood? Uhh… no. Lol. Speaking of sex, I caught Cachi’s seatmate to be watching a sex scene. Now i checked the entire movie playlist on the plane, and there were absolutely no porn titles in there (well, none that I could think of)… so I wonder what the hell he was watching… because, boy, those sex scenes WERE graphic.

Food on the airline was incredibly good! Oh my god. It was a better improvement over than that shit they serve in PAL. Blech. We even got Haagen Daz ice cream! … And we were in coach, for crying out loud! Much, Much, MUCH better than PAL for sure.

food menus... damn, they were good!

When we touched down in The Netherlands, I’ve never been so completely overwhelmed with all of the tall, blonde people in the airport.. Geez… It was like a Bel Ami festival! Don’t pretend you guys don’t know what that is… LOL. I know you know… Anyways, I think I saw one of their actors in the baggage area… or that could be just my senses playing with me because I was too excited!

Hello Netherlands!

My friends and I booked a hostel in Centraal Amsterdam, so we bought a ticket to got there. Guess what happened? Our fucking first stop in Europe, and we already got lost! Fuck. This better not be a foreboding sign for the rest of our stay in Europe. To make matters worse, when we got off in a train station to go take a bus, the entire city was on a metro strike! So, we had not choice but to ride another train back to the right station… Problem was… finding the right fucking train. Lord almighty… Reading the instructions did not help at all because they were all in Dutch. That. sucked. Val had to ask a cashier in a local supermarket which train to take. Oh lord… we better not get lost again...

September 05, 2011

I arrived in NAIA 1. A friend of mine wrote an article about out international airport and I must say, she’s absolutely right. She mentioned that you could actually shoot a horror movie in our godforsaken airport. We have a yearly release of this horror movie series called Shake, Rattle, and Roll and well… the airport could be a possible location for the next film. It’s that bad.

The entire airport was dimly lit and highly disorganized. The line queues were zigzagging all over the place. Heck, there weren’t even enough chairs to seat the foreigners. It’s very embarrassing really. I wonder if my French friend, Reece arrived and left in this airport. That’s highly likely since the other airports are only restricted to about two airlines. Shit. That is highly demoralizing to think that possible first time visitors to our wonderful country would be greeted by this shit hole. The government needs to upgrade no, construct a new one fast…

Anyways, going off topic here… where was I?

Oh yeah… So Cachi was there when I arrived. Val, on the other hand, was late as usual. I swear, that lady needs to have a clock in front of her at all times. Shit… I’m frickin’ nervous. This is my first time to travel abroad without my parents and I’m pretty stoked and petrified at the same time. I mean, the place we’ll be traveling to is foreign to all three of us… We can’t really rely on anyone else but ourselves… I need to keep my cool.

Immigration went smoothly. We were all seated together during the flight to Hong Kong. There were a group of three Israeli-looking young men that we rode with going to HK. Geez… I am only mentioning this because a) they were in front of me during the X-Ray scanner in the airport and b) one of them was really, really hot… Shit. I haven’t even left the Philippines yet and I’m already thinking about boys. Good Lord… I need to control myself…

Arriving in HK was smooth. My friend Cachi was watching HIMYM the entire flight. I, on the other hand, dabbled into the music scene. So while I was browsing through the airline’s categories of songs, I was surprised they had an ‘indie’ section… Now, you know me… I’m an indie kid at heart, so you wouldn’t imagine how ecstatic I was that someone else was interested in the same music I like… FYI, I was giddy in my seat the entire time.

I checked the list of CDs under that category and I was pretty happy. I mean, they had Florence + the Machine, Biffy Clyro, Arcade Fire, The XX, Mumford and Sons, and Ellie Goulding… I played Florence and Ellie a little too much… I was Dog Days-ing in my seat. Hahaha.

When we landed in HK, we had to quickly find out transfer flight to Amsterdam. While making our way to the designated departure gate, I was stopped in one of the x-ray scanners in the security checkpoints. I was asked to go through it another time. My friend caught the person manning the x-ray station to be staring at me. She joked that she thinks that person must have a crush on me or something. I scoffed because… well… the person manning the station was a guy. LOL.

Anyways, after that, we killed some time in a bookstore before going to the departure gate. Now, the last time I went to HK, I bought a really NSFW magazine and I was kinda hoping I could do the same… Especially now, since my parents aren’t here with me at all. I saw a magazine with some Bel-Ami models on it. I considered buying it but didn’t because it was too early in the trip to start thinking about sex. Imagine that. I turned that down.

My friends and I sat down in one of the many chairs in the boarding gate. As soon as we did, my mouth started watering. Why? Well, because there was this really hot looking Dutch guy sitting a few seats from me. He was in a tank top too! Damn. If this is what Amsterdam is offering me, then I’m going to like it there.

August 22, 2011

I’m listening to The Only Exception a little bit too much. It’s weird. Normally, you’d associate the song to true love, but for some reason, I seem to be playing it because my grandma passed away recently. There’s a sense of longing in the song that seems to fit well with my situation right now. The feeling and act of yearning by Hayley in the song itself transcends to a sense of loss as well.

Just what do you exactly do when the person you consider to be the most important person in your life suddenly walks out of your life? Do you weep? Do you lash out in anger and despair? Or perhaps, do you remember how much impact he or she has made in your life? That’s exactly what the song suggests. Remembering the good times you had with him or her.

I’m still in denial over my grandma’s death even though I have already seen her in a casket. I’m quite numb actually; a hollowness seems to be spurning within me. I can’t fully explain what I’m feeling in the moment, so I’m listening to songs to help me get over this. The funeral is in a couple of days and I don’t know what to do.

About Me

I'm a 22 year old gay geek trying to find meaning to his utterly confusing life. I'm a depressed individual constantly relying on sad songs to make me happy. Just a warning :)
All images posted are clearly not mine, unless otherwise stated.