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01/10/2011

She is fussy and a little feverish, and she keeps sucking her lower lip up over her gum, so that she looks like a little old man with no teeth. It seems harsh that such a tiny baby has to be so uncomfortable. A little baby, who is just starting to figure out the difference between night and day, and is still so amazed by the discovery of her toes that she holds onto them for hours at a time - as though she is afraid they'll run away - and all of a sudden her gums are swollen, and she whimpers while she drinks from her bottle because it hurts so much. It feels unfair. But when Ilana cries in the middle of the night there are two parents to get up and soothe her. We offer her chilled teething rings and baby tylenol that tastes like cherries. She is cuddled and sung to, and so very, very lucky.

All over the world there are children who suffer from medical needs that are desperate and severe. Children whose hearts don't work the way they are supposed to, whose prematurity leaves them so tiny that their little lungs can't breathe on their own. And the even greater tragedy is that many of these children have no parents sitting up with them during the long, worrisome hours of the night. When they need medicine and and a doctor to care for them, there is no one to pay for it. They have no one to sing them back to sleep when they wake up suffering. They are small, and sick and helpless. And they are all alone.

Anyone you asked would say that sick children deserve to be cared for. Everyone would agree that orphaned babies deserve to have a chance at finding a home. But Love Without Boundaries is one of the amazing organizations that actually makes it happen. They build Healing Homes - special orphanages for children with heart problems or cleft palate, with specially trained nannies who can care for the children's needs, and give them all the affection and caring they need to thrive. They sponsor surgeries for children who desperately need them, often saving their lives, and making it more likely that the child will be able to find a forever family. They sponsor education programs and nutrition programs, and arrange for loving foster families for the children who wait.

One of the most amazing things about LWB is that there are so many ways to get involved in helping them with their important work. I was privileged to have Lavonne Dideon share her story with me. Lavonne and her husband have four children, all of whom they adopted from China, and all of whom were born with special needs. Their son Winston received heart surgery through LWB while waiting in China for his family to find him. The amazing thing about the Dideon family is that they work so hard to contribute to the organization that changed their son's life. They want to empower their children, and show them that they are capable of making a difference in the lives of other children, just as someone once made a difference in theirs.

Lavonne writes, "Our children, know they are giving back – and that as a family we have benefited from LWB in providing Winston a life saving surgery for his heart. Now we have the opportunity to give back and help others. We hope that with doing this early this will become an ingrained habit that will stick with them into adulthood and part of their regular giving."

They do this in many ways. When the children have birthdays, they send cards to all the guests and ask them to contribute to LWB instead of bringing a gift.

Lavonne helps to organize a Chinese New Year event at her place of worship, with proceeds going to LWB.

Lavonne believes that, although her children are young, now is the time to involve them in giving. "Starting early with your children allows them to form a habit. It demonstrates a giving heart, putting others first and, in the end, an openness and awareness of the needs around us. We plan to have family vacations in China working in the orphanages, so our children understand their roots, and that others are still waiting."

There are so many ways that your family can get involved in the amazing stuff that LWB does. You can help sponsor an individual child's surgery, and LWB will send you updates and info about how that child is doing. Sharing these updates with your children can make what your family is doing very real and personal. You can sponsor a child in foster care, or send blankets to the healing homes. And if you want to model volunteering for your children, LWB is staffed entirely by volunteers and you can be one of them. All you need is a computer, some time, and a real desire to make a difference. Check out their website at www.lovewithoutboundaries.com to learn more.

12/22/2010

Obsession with Tinkerbell is just part of day to day life in our house. Despite the fact that Zahava has never seen the movie Peter Pan, or read the book, or had any real exposure to Tinkerbell that we know of still, somehow, it happened. Maybe, along with chlorine, they insert some kind of chemical in the water that causes infatuation with Disney characters. Anyway, no matter how it came to be, Zahava has for some time been deep in Tinkerbell-mania. You even have to call her Tinkerbell, if you really want a response.

So, when it was time to buy her a Hanukkah present, there wasn't much question about what she wanted to get. I spent some time looking around, on the internet, trying to find a Tinkerbell-like doll that didn't look like a barbie doll and that would be cuddly and soft to hold. What I found was the Eco-Petal Pixie doll. It was perfect: made with organic materials, soft and very huggable, and pretty in a very little-girl-appropriate way.

Zahava loved it! In fact, she loved it so much that I got a little nervous about my brilliant Hanukkah Chesed idea. The thing is that every year I think about the holiday gift drives, and imagine taking my kids to Target to let them pick out something to give away. And every year I don't do it. Because even though I know my children are sweet, giving, loving kids who care about other people, any child walking down the toy aisle at holiday time is likely to see at least a dozen toys they want desperatley and, whining is likely to follow. (They are only five and three, after all.) So my brilliant idea was that if we gave away a duplicate of a toy that Zahava had already received as a Hanukkah present, it would be a much more positive experience.

Well, that idea worked...more or less. To be totally honest when I first explained about giving a Tinkerbell doll away to little girl who wasn't going to get lots of presents for the holidays, Zahava's first response was, "But both the Tinkerbells want to stay with me!" But that really only lasted for a minute. The more we talked about it (and the more I emphasized that her Tinkerbell was staying with her), the more excited Zahava got about the idea. And then, when we went to drop our donations off at the fire station and the nice fireman invited us in and showed us the fire truck and the ambulance, well...it was just awesome.

I think ordering duplicates of presents that you are giving to your own children is a great way to help even very young kids, who might otherwise have trouble with giving away toys, get involved in making the holiday happier for others. Zahava was so happy as we were driving away from the firehouse that she sang a song the whole way home. It went, "We are the Mitzvah girls. We do Chesed everyday. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah." (Maybe you had to be there. It sounded beautiful to me.)

Zahava with her Tinkerbell, and with the one she donated to Toys for Tots.

And a picture of Ilana, because she is so adoreable, and hasn't been in a post yet.

12/17/2010

Two sick kids + two job interivews + carpool + laundary + reading a book I can't put down = no posts all week.Sorry! This is just something I thought I'd pass on to everybody...it is such a great, inspiring list and is perfect to put up on your fridge or stick anywhere you'll see it everyday. I'm sorry that I don't know the original source of this list...I think this has been passed around a lot by e-mail and other means. Please add your own suggestions in the comments!! I hope to have a moresubstantial post for you soon. Also, if your family is doing anykind of chesed activity or charity work for the holidays - please send me an e-mail and tell me about it! I might share your story on the blog! Have a great weekend!
• Call an old friend, just to say you are thinking of them.
• Hold the door open for people at a store.
• Invite someone to have lunch.
• Compliment someone on his or her appearance.
• Ask a coworker for their opinion on a project.
• Bring cookies to share at work.
• Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.
• Leave a waitress or waiter an extra few dollars with your tip.
• Tell a cashier to have a nice day.
• Call your parents.
• Let someone know you miss them.
• Treat someone to a movie.
• Let a person know you really appreciate them.
• Visit a retirement center.
• Take a child to the zoo.
• Fill up your spouse's car with gas.
• Surprise someone with a small gift.
• Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work.
• Write a letter to a distant relative.
• Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
• Put a quarter in a stranger's parking meter before the time expires.
• Bake a cake or cookies for a neighbor.
• Send someone flowers to where they work.
• Invite a friend to have coffee.
• Recommend a good book to someone.
• Donate clothing to a charity.
• Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go.
• Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.
• Give blood.
• Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who's really busy or just needs a break.
• Help your neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow.
• Offer your seat to someone when there aren't any left.
• Help someone with a heavy load.
• Ask to see a store's manager and comment on the great service.
• Give your place in line at the grocery store to someone who has only a few items.
• Hug someone in your family for no reason.
• Wave to a child in the car next to you.
• Send a thank-you note to your doctor.
• Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.
• Leave a joke on someone's answering machine.
• Be a mentor or coach to someone.
• Forgive a loan.
• Fill up the copier machine with paper after you're done using it.
• Tell someone you believe in them.
• Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
• Welcome new neighbors with flowers or a plant.
• Offer to watch a friend's home while they're away.
• Ask someone if they need you to pick up anything while you're out shopping.
• Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win.
• Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days.
• During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family.
• Buy someone a goldfish and bowl.
• Compliment someone on their cooking and politely ask for a second helping.
• Dance with someone who hasn't been asked.
• Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers.
• Give children's clothes to another family when your kids outgrow them.
• Deliver extra vegetables from your garden to the whole neighborhood.
• Call someone just to say, I love you.
• Call someone's attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset.
• Invite someone to go bowling.
• Figure out someone's half-birthday by adding 182 days, and give them a cake.
• Ask someone about their children.
• Tell someone which quality you like most about them.
• Brush the snow off of the car next to yours.
• Return your shopping cart to the front of the store.
• Encourage someone's dream, no matter how big or small it is.
• Pay for a stranger's cup of coffee without them knowing it.
• Leave a love letter where your partner will find it.
• Ask an older person for their advice.
• Offer to take care of someone's pet while they're away.
• Tell a child you're proud of them.
• Visit a sick person, or send them a care package.
• Join a Big Brother or Sister program.
• Leave a piece of candy on a coworker's desk.
• Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon.
• Give someone a recording of their favorite music.
• Email a friend some information about a topic they are especially interested in.
• Give someone a homemade gift.
• Write a poem for someone.
• Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department.
• Organize a neighborhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards.
• Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.
• Check in on an old person, just to see if they're okay.
• Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone's house.
• Personally welcome a new employee at work and offer to take them out for lunch.
• While in a car, ask everyone to buckle up because they are important to you.
• Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.
• Stop and buy a drink from a kid's lemonade stand.
• Forgive someone when they apologize.
• Wave to someone looking for a parking space when you're about to leave a shopping center.
• Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.
• Leave a pint of your spouse's favorite flavor of ice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.
• Do a household chore that is usually done by someone else in the family.
• Be especially happy for someone when they tell you their good news.
• Compliment a coworker on their role in a successful project.
• Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.
• Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.
• Ask someone if they've lost weight.
• Make a donation to a charity in someone's honor.
• Take a child to a ballgame.

12/06/2010

Behold....the menorah made of canned food! This awesome menorah was constructed by people attending the Chanukah party at the Chabad in Spokane, Washington. Michelle, author of Blah Blah Blahg (http://so-onsoforth.blogspot.com) writes that after the party, all the cans of food were donated to a local food bank. I love that they even lit the candles on top!

If you are celebrating Chanukah, here are a few more ideas of ways you can share your happiness with others. If you aren't celebrating right now, you can save these ideas for the next time your family has a holiday...

-Make plenty of latkes, and think of a person you know who might not have anyone to celebrate with. Invite him or her over to enjoy with you and your family.

-Dedicate one night each year to making home-made presents for the other people in your family. This can be a super fun time, where the focus is on the fun of working side by side and making something others in your family will like, rather than receiving things yourself. Bring out all your craft supplies, crank up the Chanukah music, and enjoy each other. You may be surprised by the beautiful things your family can make. We did this every year when I was growing up, and I still keep a drawing that my father made for me at Chanukah next to my Shabbos candles to look at every week!

-During Chanukah we celebrate that, even though there wasn't enough oil, the lights of the menorah kept burning bright. The reality for many families, however, is that the cost of keeping their homes heated is more than they can manage. Don't let their lights go out! Celebrate by making a donation to the Dollar Energy Fund. This non-profit organization is the fourth largest fuel fund in the country, and has a four star rating on Charity Navigator. They provide help to families who need help paying their utility bills, a need that is growing quickly due to the current economy. Visit their website at www.dollarenergy.org or get more info at www.charitynavigator.org.

-Buy presents not just for yourselves, but for those who might not have any to receive. Toys for Tots is always great, but also check with local domestic abuse shelters or nursing homes, or homeless shelters...there may be people there who will appreciate being remembered.

-Every evening when you light the candles, pass around the Tzedakah box and let everyone drop in a coin.

-Call a distant relative or a friend you've lost touch with to wish them a happy holiday.

-Encourage your children to make Chanukah cards, and then send them not just to close friends, but to people you know who might need a reason to smile.

-Bake cookies and give them as a thank-you to someone at your office or at your children's school who makes a difference in your life.

Do you have a favorite family tradition that encourages children to think of others??? Do you have an idea for a Chanukah or holiday-related way to give??? Leave a comment and share your suggestion with others!!!

11/30/2010

Please welcome guest blogger Beth, who has an amazing Blog UpperWestsideMom (www.upperwestsidemom.com.) I so appreciate her sharing this beautiful craft that can be done even with young children. It is a great activity, and your beautiful creations can decorate your own home or be given to someone you love. Thank you so much for sharing, Beth! Everyone be sure to check out her fantastic blog!

I am very excited to be guest posting on Bringing Chesed Home. I think that home is a perfect place for chesed. There are so many ways to accomplish this, especially when you have kids (Sarah's post Night Night is a perfect example of this). I think this blog is a great idea and I am really looking forward to watching Bringing Home Chesed grow!

These Recycled Dreidel Paper Dolls are great for kids of any age. Any child that is old enough to hold a crayon can participate. You can make them ahead of Hanukkah for decorations or I think it would be a fun activity after you light the Menorah. We hung ours around our foyer which is now covered in dreidels!

What You'll Need:Brown paper bags from the marketScissorsPencil and optional ruler to draw the dreidel on the paper (the ruler does help the dreidel look neat)Art supplies to decorate the dreidels with (we used letter stickers, Sharpies, glitter glue, glue, googly eyes, yarn and cut outs from google images)

1. Cut the bottom of of the paper bag.

2. Cut off the very top of the bag where the "half moon" tab is. 3. Fold in half and cut the bag into two equal parts.

4. Cut each of the two pieces on the side, on a fold, so that you are opening up each "looped" piece into a long piece of paper.

5. Iron the paper on the lowest setting with steam but be very careful. All ironing should be done by an adult! 6. Fold the long piece in equal halves 3 times in a row so that when it's unfolded you will have 8 "sections".

7. Using the creases as a guide refold the paper accordion style, like you would if you were making paper dolls.

8. Draw a dreidel on the top section of the paper and add two "arms" so the dreidels will be connected when they are cut out. 9. Cut out the dreidel along the lines including the arms so that they will all be connected. 10. Unfold and decorate.

11/24/2010

I want to recommend an amazing book, one that has both really inspired me, and made me hyperventilate! Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but this book does really get your heart beating faster! It is Our Day to End Poverty, by Shannon Daley-Harris, Jeffrey Keenan, and Karen Speerstra. The book tackles some of the biggest, most important problems facing the world today: homelessness, neglect of children, access to health care. But instead of just talking about how bad things are (like so many of the books I start and then put down because they are just too depressing), this book is focused on suggesting ways that you can make a difference.

Each chapter is divided into sections. The first, "Learn", is a list of books, websites, and other resources you can access to understand the problem more fully. These sections also introduce you to absolutely amazing non-profit institutions that are already working to address this issue.

The next sections of the chapter are, "Serve", "Contribute", and "Live". They give real-life suggestions about how you can help address that problem through volunteering, donating financial resources, and through changing you day to day habits. I found reading this book to be an amazing, almost overwhelming experience. I actually had to set it down and take deep, calming breaths! Huge, world-wide problems that before I had always thought of as too big to be affected by a single individual, are suddenly broken down into small, approachable terms. Reading this book, you really DO start to feel like it is possible to end hunger around the world, find a home for every homeless child, and make sure that every sick person has a dr to care for them.

Their suggestions range from the very simple, "read a book to a child in your life," "watch a movie about hunger," to the more challenging, "host a dinner party and educate your guests about micro-credit", "volunteer as a mentor at a local school," to the life changing, "become a foster or adoptive parent", "spend a year volunteering with an aid organization overseas." There are little boxes next to each suggestion, for you to mark off what you've tried so far -you could spend years working through those lists! This book that makes your heart start beating faster, both because you realize just how much you really can do, and because it makes you realize just how much you haven't done yet.

11/18/2010

My daughter's blankie is an institution in our house. It is almost a family member. Known formally as the "amimal blankie", it is a well-loved and somewhat faded blue and green blanket that follows her from room to room throughout the day. It will occasionally have its own chair at the dinner table. It comes on car trips and waits in the back seat while we do our grocery shopping, and G-d help us if it is time to turn off the lights and it is hiding underneath the bed!

I love to see Zahava with her blankie...she often drapes it over her head so that she is totally wrapped up inside it (although it is a problem when she walks around like that - once I caught her about to walk down the stairs to the basement with the blanket pulled over her face!)

I also love it because it gave me such an approachable and concrete way to talk to my kids about homelessness.

Project Night Night is an amazing organization that distributes care packages to children living in homeless shelters. (www.projectnightnight.org) It is their goal to get a warm blanket, a stuffed animal, and a bed-time book to every child in the US who needs one. When I was looking around on the internet for a chesed project my kids would be able to participate in fully, even though they are so young - I knew this was a great fit as soon as I saw it.

We made a trip to the fabric store and I let the each child pick out a fabric for the blankets. Moty (my almost six-year old son) picked out prints featuring aliens and police cars. Zahava (my three year-old girl) picked out princesses. I explained to them that not all families are as fortunate as ours is - some Mommies and Daddies aren't able to give their kids all the things they need. Some don't even have a place to live. "Just think about how much you love your blankie." I said, "Think about how happy it makes you. Wouldn't it be hard if you didn't have any blankie of your own? Can you imagine how happy the little boy or girl who gets this blankie will be??"

Even though I was honest with the kids about the fact that these were for children who don't have a place to live, I didn't want them to be overwhelmed or frightened by that idea. I tried to keep it very upbeat, emphasizing how happy the children would be to get the blankets we were making and the books we would send them.

I found instructions for no-sew blankets on-line and then I cut the fringes and the kids pulled the fringes through the holes. It was something that they could really help with, and we were all really surprised by just how nice and professional the blankets looked when we were done. (Even though I didn't bother with all the little details. Like measuring.) We made a bunch without too much trouble (they took less than 45 min each.)

The kids dictated a note to go in the box, and Moty spent close to an hour carefully decorating the letter. I think he was just as proud of that letter as he was of the blankets. It was a great project - the kids got to help with every step, it wasn't so difficult, and I feel like they really understood what it was for. The box is all packed up and just waiting to make the trip to the post office...maybe we'll bring the amimal blankie along for the ride.

Zahava sitting next to the finished blankets.

Moty worked so hard on decorating this letter...and it looked so beautiful when it was done. It read, "Dear Project Night Night, I hope the kids like these blankets and we hope it keeps them warm. Love, Moty and Zahava." So sweet!

I read something recently that had a huge impact on the way I think about things. It was a parable about a man walking along the beach at sunset. As he was walking, he suddenly realized that there were hundreds of jewels lying on the beach, and still more being washed ashore by the waves. He realized that soon the sun would set. In the dark it would be impossible to collect the jewels, and by morning the tide would have washed them all away.

The author of the parable, the famous Rabbi the ﻿Chofetz Chaim Zt"l, then asked his readers to think about what the man does next. It would never occur to him to give up and walk away because it will be impossible for him to collect each and every gem. The man will run to pick up as many as he possibly can, stuffing his pockets with whatever he can grab before it is too late.

When we are confronted with something that isn't right in the world, something that upsets us, something that we wish we could change, it is so easy to forget the man on the beach.

I know that I do this all the time. I'll read a newspaper article or see a report and find myself wishing I could help. But I know I can't cure cancer, or solve the problem of homelessness, or bring every single parent-less child into my home. It is so easy to put the paper down, shake my head, and walk away. What can I do, what can any of us do, if we think only in terms of the big picture, if we think about helping in terms of all or nothing?

None of us can do it all, but the Chofetz Chaim is trying to teach us that that dosen't matter. We are all able to do something, take some action...pick up one jewel. And if we think about it that way - if we imagine that each small act to make the world a better place is really of endless value, infinitely more beautiful than even a diamond or a ruby...we won't have time to feel discouraged, we won't have time to think about all the ways we won't be able to do all that ought to be done - we'll be to busy running along the beach, doing whatever we can do with the time that we have.

That is what this blog is all about - finding ways as an individual and especially as a mother to do as many acts of chesed (loving kindness) no matter how small, as I possibly can; and finding ways to teach my children how to do the same.

I want my kids to think of themselves, even when they are very young, as being capable of making a difference. I want it to be part of who they are, part of how they see the world. When they grow up and they see injustice or tragedy, I don't want them to walk away from the beach, with their hands in their pockets. I want them to see that they have been given a job, an opportunity, to do something right, no matter how small that thing may be, in a place where everything else is wrong. I want to help them to find ways to help others, and teach them to think about the world as a wonderful yet imperfect place that is waiting for them to make it better.

I hope that this blog will become a conversation about ways that I try to do just that, and a place that we can share ideas with each other. I hope to post about different chesed projects that we do as a family, different charitable institutions that you might not know about, books that can be sources of inspiration and ideas. I also really, REALLY hope that you'll write to me, and tell me about your bar or bat mitzvah project, or the marathon you ran in, or the food drive your family participated in that went so well, so that I can share your story on this blog and it can inspire others. I hope that this blog can be a resource for all of us, to help us get informed, get inspired, and get busy trying to do what we can to make things better.

As it says in Pirke Avot, 2:16, "﻿Lo Alecha Ha'melacha Ligmor, V'lo Atah Ben Chorin LeHebatel Mimena. It is not your responsiblity to complete the task, but neither are you free to ignore it."