“Sure I can,” said the man, and once again he ran at the bell but this time he missed and fell straight out of the bell tower to his death on the ground below.

A crowd gathered around the corpse lying on the ground. A police officer quickly appeared on the scene and asked, “Can anyone identify this poor man?”

Quasimodo responded, “I don’t know his name, but his face rings a bell.”

2. Mrs Kelly’s parrot:

Father Malone was new to his Brooklyn parish, and he was visiting one of his parishioners, a little old lady.

Sitting in her living room with a cup of tea, he looked around and noticed she had a pet parrot, which had ribbons tied to each leg.

Father Malone looked for a moment and then he politely enquired, “Mrs Kelly, why does your parrot have ribbons tied to its legs?”

Mrs Kelly smiled and said, “Well believe or not father, if I pull the left ribbon he’ll sing ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’, and if I pull the right one he’ll sing, ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ for me.”

“Really?That’s impressive Mrs Kelly,” responded the priest. “And what happens if you pull both ribbons together?”

“I’ll fall off the bloody perch!” said the parrot.

3. The tap-dancing duck:

A circus owner walked into a bar in Wyoming where everyone inside was crowded around one table.

In the middle of this table was an upturned flower pot with a duck tap dancing on top of it.

Everyone was cheering at the duck’s antics and the circus owner, having a good nose for a crowd-pleaser, thought this was an attraction he should grab with both hands. So immediately he bought both the duck and the flower pot from the bar’s owner for $1,000.

He took the duck back to his circus and promoted his new attraction heavily. Well, it wasn’t long before people were coming from miles around eager to catch a glimpse of the tap-dancing duck.

Sadly there was widespread disappointment because the duck simply refused to perform. It wouldn’t dance a single step.

Naturally, the circus owner was angry and he returned to the bar immediately with the duck to complain to the man who sold it to him, the bar’s owner.

“This duck’s a fraud,” complained the circus owner, “He won’t dance a single step for me!”

“That’s very odd,” said the bar owner. “Did you remember to light the candle under the flower pot?”

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So dear reader, were these seriously funny jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~E.E. Cummings

Do not let what you cannot do; interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs

The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy. ~Malcolm Forbes

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. ~Rod Steiger

That’s precisely the question everyone should be asking—why the hell not? Why not you, why not now? ~Timothy Ferriss

Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour. ~Vince Lombardi

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. ~Samuel Johnson

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus

Use what talents you possess. The woods will be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry Van Dyke

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. ~Howard Thurman

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. ~Mother Teresa

One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie

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Do you have a problem getting enthusiastic about what you’re doing? Here are 10 short inspirational quotes to help you increase your motivation.

Short inspirational quotes:

Use those talents you have. You will make it. You will give joy to the world. Take this tip from nature: The woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except those who sang best. ~Bernard Meltzer

The mind is for seeing, the heart is for hearing. ~Arab Proverb

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. ~George Burns

If you want to achieve things in life, you’ve just got to do them, and if you’re talented and smart, you’ll succeed. ~Juliana Hatfield

You have the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. What you accomplish depends on how wisely they are used. ~Roy Sutton

You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. ~Bernard Meltzer

Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you. ~Author Unknown

True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. ~Author Unknown

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. ~Mark Twain

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Kids love silly jokes and quite a few adults do too, including me. Whenever I hear silly jokes I always make a note of them in my journal. Well, they’re always useful for breaking the ice at a dinner parties, if nothing else.

Anyway, today I thought I’d trawl through my journal and put together a collection of some of the best silly jokes just for you dear reader and I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly I did, both the first time around and on reviewing them now.

Yes, they’re all very silly but they’re guaranteed to make your kids smile.

Silly Jokes:

Why did the ant elope?

Nobody gnu

Why do skunks argue?

They like to kick up a stink

How do you arrest a pig?

Put it in ham cuffs

Why do horses look sad?

They have long faces

Why do coyotes call at night?

The rates are cheaper

What animal never gets wet?

An umbrellephant

What makes a chicken blush?

Henbarrassment

In what key does a cow sing?

Beef flat

Why don’t anteaters get sick?

They’re full of antibodies

How do rodents keep their breath fresh?

Using mousewash

What did the parrot say to the spaniel?

I’m a cocker too

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time

What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubble, Hubble, Hubble

Why are giraffes brave?

Because they’re always sticking their next out

How many skunks does it take to stink out a room?

A phew

How does a dolphin make a decision?

Flipper coin

How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?

You get a buzzy tone

What’s even better than the cat’s whiskers?

The bee’s knees

What happened when two American stoats got married?

They became the United Stoats of America

What do you get from a chicken who’s been drinking whisky?

Scotch eggs

What’s goes through a fly’s mind on impact with your windscreen?

Its ass

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

If you’re not familiar with this sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a very funny comedy starring Larry David, playing a fictionalized version of himself. Essentially the series follows Larry in his life as a semi-retired television writer and producer in his attempt to deal with life’s frustrations and quirks.

There are plenty of Curb Your Enthusiasm clips on YouTube if you want to check out this comedy, and that’s well worth doing when you have a little free time.

So go ahead and take a look, but not before you’ve enjoyed these memorable quotes now.

Quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm:

I’m yelling for society.

I find human contact repulsive.

Can I apologise for the apology?

I’m married. I can wear whatever I want.

By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?

I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

Hey, mind your own business. How about that?

I’ve got ideas, but I choose not to carry them out.

I always think of nice things, but I never act on them.

It seems silly to me to put a napkin on an old pair of pants.

Why does everybody have to have pictures of everything?

I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.”

Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire?

We’re fighting because you’re a moron. That’s why we’re fighting.

I’m sorry if you’re offended. I don’t think I said anything offensive.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

I don’t like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.

Bald asshole? That’s a hate crime. We consider ourselves to be a group.

He wanted to stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat.

Can I tell you something about apricots? 1 in 30 is a good one. It’s such a low percentage fruit.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Nobody likes a tattle-tale, NOBODY! So go ahead and squeal and you’ll end up in HELL! OKAY!

You can put my colon up next to your colon; we’ll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon.

What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?

It’s completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career’s been based on being unprofessional.

An employee is told that the customer’s always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

You’re nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbours. The thieves don’t impose. Thieves just want your things. Neighbours want your time.

I did, once, try and stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car. I screamed out ‘Watch out!’ and she said ‘Don’t you tell me what to do!’

You know what? Never mind, alright! I-I’ll take my liver out! I’ll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem!

You know what it is? You’re always attracted to someone who doesn’t want you, right? Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn’t want you; doesn’t even acknowledge your right to exist; wants your destruction! That’s a turn-on.

Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to. ~Lao-Tzu.

Time is not something you FIND or MAKE. The clock and the calendar move on at their own pace with or without you. Your choice is how you use it. ~Michael Josephson

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out how you had expected or hoped. That doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t be happy. If you don’t limit yourself to your first version of your life there is always a bright future ahead. If you believe that the best is yet to come you will be right. ~Michael Josephson

Doing what you like is FUN. Doing what you love is HAPPINESS. Doing what you want is FREEDOM. Doing what you say is INTEGRITY. Doing what you can is SERVICE. Doing what you must is DUTY. Doing what you should is CHARACTER. ~Michael Josephson

It is not enough to exist, you must LIVE. It is not enough to survive, you must THRIVE. It is not enough to care, you must COMMIT. It is not enough to seek success, you must seek SIGNIFICANCE. It is not enough to live long, you must LIVE WELL. ~Michael Josephson

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So please share now. If you do, I will be ever so grateful. Thank you.