Robin's Charismatic "Deliverance" Story

Here is my story of "deliverance" as a teenager:

I remember being told, "You have seven demons in you. I can even see them
looking out at me through your eyes, trembling with fear and anger. You need
deliverance, child." This from a verrrrry intense person with penetrating
eyes and a forceful loud, intimidating voice. Just talking to her was scary!
I went through several "deliverance sessions" with her and her husband (who
never spoke a word except in tongues during his wife's shouts of confrontation
with my "demons").

First we had to confess a lifetime of sin, every single one I could remember
ever committing (even ones confessed years before), to see which one(s) "opened
the door" for the demons to enter. That whole agonizing ordeal was based
on the unscriptural charismatic superstition that demons lurk around every
corner and particular acts of sin "give them the right" to enter and oppress
a Christian. When all the stuff about the sexual and psychological abuse
at home was uncovered (I had just turned 14 and the abuse was getting pretty
bad then), the "counseling" became every bit as cruel and hurtful and damaging
as the abuse!

It seems that to a "deliverance minister," abuse must be the fault of
the victim (of course I believed that anyway - even into my late twenties,
strange as that seems, but I have since learned that most abused kids feel
that way) because the abuse had given demons "the right" to enter my soul.
There were demons of lust, a demon of murder, a demon of homosexuality, a
demon of unforgiveness. They all had names, and the inquisitor (oops, I mean
"counselor") kept trying to interview them, digging up more ugly history
and more anguish.

Now since the devil is a liar and the demons are all liars, what the heck
is the point of carrying on a conversation with a known liar? Borrowed from
Jesus' encounter with Legion, this "counseling" was aimed at discovering
which demons inhabited my soul, how they got there, and all the besetting
sins they caused that were the source of my problems at home. All the family
curse stuff was to be dealt with after my "deliverance." I was told that
these are familial curses inherited by the children of parents who committed
particular sins.

This charismatic idea suggests that demons are passed on to children rather
than habits learned from parents, and is opposed to the biblical teaching
of Original Sin. According to my teachers, these demons become familial
companions, driving succeeding generations deeper into a particular sin.
The two teachings seem alike (a lot of abused kids grow up to become abusers,
children of alcoholics grow up to drink, etc.), but one offers hope and puts
responsibility for sin where it belongs, while the other explains and excuses
sin as the legacy of parents and offers no hope except through this process
of "deliverance ministry" rather than through the forgiveness and liberty
already purchased for us and secured for us by Christ. One points to Christ,
the other points to the deliverance counselor. One is simple, the other immensely
complicated. One is kind, the other is incredibly cruel. One is freely given,
the other held out as a reward for work. One is done at the instant of conversion
- the other "may take a lifetime" to work.

Well, anyway, none of those "demons" ever spoke through my mouth, and
the "counselor" never got to interview the demons as she wanted. For some
reason, those ol' demons just wouldn't manifest, even after shouted commands
that could be heard from the parking lot across the street! I fully expected
to hear a strange, gruff voice speak from my lips, saying stuff like, "Don't
send us to the pit, thou mighty deliverance warrior," or maybe even say something
defiant and profane. I was expecting to vomit up a buncha green stuff and
turn my head all the way around like Linda Blair did in that awful Exorcist
movie, or have a grand mal seizure or SOMETHING! But nooooooo, the demons
just wouldn't give her the satisfaction of crying out in pain and begging
to be spared from "the pit of hell they came from," despite her orders in
the name of Jesus to go there. By the way, demons did not arrive on earth
from hell in case you didn't know... they came here from Heaven, and they've
never even BEEN to that pit my "counselor" kept sending them "back" to. Another
unbiblical charismatic superstition.

Okay, so to finish my story: I cried a lot, all day and all night for
weeks, repenting and begging forgiveness from God and begging Him pleeeeeease
to take the demons away. It all stopped when my Inquisitor (oops, sorry,
I mean "counselor") finally snapped, "You are just NOT cooperating here.
Maybe you enjoy your sin too much to repent. Maybe you've gotten used to
those demons in your soul and you don't even want to be free. I've NEVER
failed to cast demons out of anyone who was WILLING TO REPENT. So I can only
conclude that you are continuing in sin and refusing to be set free by the
power of God. You've wasted a lot of my time, you little unrepentant brat!
Get out of my sight."

So I did. I felt abandoned by God and gave myself over to willful sin
for the first time in my life - at age 15, just at a time of life when a
person is most vulnerable to some of the most urgent and most destructive
temptations in their lifetime!

I didn't figure out until years later that this "counselor" was an agent
of Satan to make me believe the lie that God had abandoned me, that I was
beyond help and hope, so I might as well destroy myself. I thought about
suicide a lot, how I might do it... I was angry a lot, guilty a lot, cried
a lot. Guilty for feeling angry, then angry for feeling guilty.

The lie I had believed led me into despair, sexual sin, trouble with the
law, and a total wipeout of everything I believed 'til then. My "counselor"
said I had denied the power of God. But a REAL demonstration of God's power
and LOVE is that He could bring me back to Himself even from that total faithless
despair and hopelessness and rebellion! Oh, this is how I know salvation
is by GRACE and not by works! I know it because He brought me back from utter
defiance to humble, quiet, simple, squeaky-clean devotion to Him.

And y'know what? There never were any demons in my soul at all. Not ever.
Because God had given me new birth years before, at age 8, and preserved
me and restored me to purity and faith that even those years of utter prodigal
rebellion could not undo.

God is GREAT! God is gracious and merciful and wonderful to the worst
of sinners (me), and the lies of Satan still could not stop Him from reaching
me. THAT is what Jesus meant when He said, "the gates of hell shall not prevail
against the church!" Not that we'd invade hell and "kick demon butt," but
that nothing can separate us from the love of God.

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