Category Archives: grunt

All weekend, I’ve just been thinking about fitness and what I can do to keep consistent. Everything from diet to exercise to calorie counting gadgets (BodyBugg, Polar FT40 or sticking to my good ol’ Garmin Forerunner110). I need something to count my calories while I’m working out without being on a machine (treadmill/elliptical) which is what I’ve been on so I can see the calories. I need to see the numbers. I never thought I was a numbers kind of gal, but I guess I am. Anyway, I’ve been trying to get in the groove to get myself going…I need to lower my cholesterol. One main ingredient that I didn’t do is go to the gym / workout. I went Friday (pic on left), but not Saturday or Sunday.

I ate well and healthy Saturday, but not Sunday. Had much too much wine Saturday night so that just totally nixed the whole eating healthy and well, I’m sure of it. That pic was leftovers from Saturday all rolled into 1 – ground turkey w/spinach & rosemary stuffed in portobello mushroom cap. Also had left over veggie fried quinoa (instead of rice) so I just put both that in the cap too. Recipe inspired by watch_me_shrink and damndeliciious.

So, the scale tells me this morning that I gained weight, again. I am now at my highest weight ever whilst not carrying a child – although I look like I could be about 6 or 7 months pregnant if I don’t “suck it in” or sit/stand “wrong”.

Part of my weekend research was checking out some pics/recipes of Instagram members and their healthy eats (watch_me_shrink) has some great looking eats and are healthy too! I also was looking at Beach Body Instructor, Chalene Johnson’s page trying to get inspired…and I was (she’s creator of TurboFire, by the way).. But, looking at pictures on a phone isn’t going to make all my weight magically disappear nor will it lessen my cholesterol.

I need to get back on TurboFire and/gym mode. I need to eat better more often than not, not the other way around. I need to detox/cleanse or something. So, next on my agenda will be going on the BeachBody Ultimate Reset plan. 21 days on a STRICT diet (Lord, Help me…give me strength) and no working out. I hope that doesn’t make me lose motivation to work and instead, have such a great outcome that all I want to do is maximize results by working out. Once that is done, I will go back to gym/TurboFire (I LOVED TurboFire and got good results with it, I just wasn’t consistent).

I am going to try to make myself accountable by either posting here and/Instagram as to my foods, my progress, my ups and downs. I haven’t shared this website / instagram account with my BeachBody Coach yet and I’m not sure why. I don’t know if that will help or hinder me. Maybe I don’t want him to see all my past failed attempts at trying to get fit? Maybe because I don’t want him to judge me? I don’t think he would, but…I don’t know. I am friends with him on FB so that should be good enough, right? I like this part of the world being my “outlet” my “anonymous” account where not too many people I know IRL know about it. There are a couple, but not too many and I’d like to keep it that way. Besides, I am friends w/almost everyone I know IRL (and about 3 bloggers) on Facebook anyway.

If you want to find out more about TurboFire or the Ultimate Reset or even P90X, Insanity, etc., you can check my BeachBody website where I am a “coach” – just for formality so I can get discounts. I haven’t coached anyone – not yet. My beachbody website is beachbodycoachDOTcom/bzmomma – wordpress isn’t letting me link it for some reason…I have to read into that.

Once I get into the swing of things w/working out, something comes along to deter me and it’s usually some kind of sickies, as I said in a previous post.

This time around? The girls caught some kind of cough/cold..no fevers though so that’s good. However, it got Razz back to using her nebulizer a couple of times and even me. Yes, me. I can’t find my inhaler (never can find it when I need it, but when I don’t need it, I see it everywhere). We almost didn’t go to a holiday party over the weekend, but somehow, we managed to muster up enough energy to go and even looked spiffy for the evening. Sunday, I was having coughing fits and finally used Razz’ nebulizer. I was ok after that and spent my day off on Monday resting and baking w/my girls. Then, this morning, I was up at 5:30am coughing away…for an hour and then I finally nebulized again. I always thought you could outgrow childhood asthma, and I did for years…didn’t expect it to come back though. It is EXHAUSTING to keep coughing! I don’t know what’s worse, sneezing like crazy b/c of allergies or coughing fits…both are exhausting. Did I say it’s exhausting?
This is putting a damper in my 4 week goals…especially the one where I said I would work out 4-6x/wk. Last week, I got in 3 workouts before falling to the coughsies. I am hoping that I will feel better by tonight so we can all go to the gym (thank you child care!). I don’t care if I just walk on the treadmill instead of jog, I need to sweat and work out. I need my cholesterol numbers down by next doctor’s visit and for good!

I wish I had some super power to just keep everything clean. I wish I could just move my mouth side to side / crinkle my nose a la Samantha on Bewitched and then the whole house would be clean.

messy kitchen 😦

You see this? This is me…keepin it real…showing you our kitchen…a great looking kitchen when all is clean and put away, but when this BZMomma is not feeling 100%, worked until 3:40am and is a WAHM w/2 sick kids…this happens…not pictured? Sink almost full of dirty dishes…

I don’t know how the rest of you keep up, but I seriously wish we had a maid sometimes.

Did you know…in the Philippines, a third world country, maids and live-in nannys are pretty common if you’re middle class and up??? Well, more common than in these here United States. Usually, in the Philippines, there are some maids that do it all, but unless you’re lucky enough to find a maid that’s a “jane-of-all-trades”, most households actually have more than 1 – 1 for laundry, 1 for cleaning, 1 for cooking, etc. Baffles my mind how that works. I know I can hire a cleaning service (for an arm and a leg), but sometimes I just want someone to come here and clean at the end of each day…make sure the kitchen is clean and free of clutter…everything in every room put away, etc. We’re really trying hard not to go to bed w/dishes in the sink and clutter. etc., but sometimes, it’s just inevitable. I shouldn’t dwell on it b/c of present circumstances, but still…

Trying to teach the girls to keep up after themselves and the big 2 are great…Then, destructo baby comes along and just messes everything up all over again…blocks are spilled out, books are taken off shelves, etc…It’s like she finds comfort in clutter and it’s beyond any of us. I feel bad b/c the big 2 know they’re going to get in trouble if they don’t clean up at the end of the day, but it’s like day’s end never comes because Shrimp will just keep messing it up all over again.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how great I had back when I was younger…or even just in my 20s…you know, before I hit my 30s and everything caught up to me. I feel like I have a lot to talk about w/my blessings/curses so we’ll make Part 1 – Skin, Part 2 – Hair, Part 3 – Weight. Maybe I should have renamed this series: Yearning for the Fountain of Youth.

Anyway, I’ve posted before how I’m a late bloomer – especially when it comes to my skin. I had porcelain skin in high school. While my friends were learning how to apply make-up and learning how to hide their flaws with said make-up, being BFFs w/Oxy, and trying every “zit-zapper” drug store brand under the sun, I would bask in my extra minutes of sleep because I wouldn’t have to do any of the above. I would just shower and go. At night, I never really washed my face either (don’t judge!). If I did, it would just be water.

I felt like I had to start taking care of my skin though (??? I don’t know why, I thought I was missing out on something). So, I started the Clinique 3 step program. However, I was not consistent at all. I remember throwing out cleansers and such over a year later. I never learned how to pick the right foundation or concealer shade and therefore, never learned how to apply it either. All I would wear was powder. I wore other make-up, eventually, like eyeliner and lipstick/gloss/balm/etc., but nothing to hide flaws or even my skin tone with. I had it good…REAL good. I was blessed with porcelain skin.

Fast forward to when I was 19. A friend of the family, who was pretty much my Aunt, commented on how beautiful my skin was. At this time, I went back to Clinique and even added a scrub as my skin was starting to get obviously oily. I told her what I was doing (although still not consistently) and she said to keep up with it. I don’t know why I didn’t listen. Always listen to those old family friend/aunts who give you advice when they have a right too (she was in her 50s and not a pore in sight!).

Fast forward again to when I was 25. I finally moved out of my parents’ house (I stayed home for college…wasn’t allowed to dorm b/c I was a girl – that’s a whole other story). I moved to downtown Jersey City to a BEAUTIFUL luxury 3 bedroom apartment w/2 of my friends. My skin had a hard time adjusting to the water (I guess it was hard water?), my stress level went up because of being on “my own” (with roommates, but still), more bills than usual (I paid some when living at home w/parents to help them out) and stress at work and I had my first bought of breakouts. I mean, serious HUGE pimples popped all over my face.

I had no idea what to do or how to handle it. I didn’t even want to go out w/my friends at times. I didn’t want to go to work. I didn’t want to go anywhere, but stay in my room. I didn’t know how to fix it or hide it. I didn’t want to see a dermatologist because I didn’t want them to put me on something that would bring all the dirt and what have to the surface (I heard horror stories of how people broke out more, at first, before they got better). I was in mid-20s and finally coming / blooming into my own. I didn’t realize being a late-bloomer also applied to my skin. I felt like a kid going through puberty. At least when you’re in high school, you have others to commiserate with. I had no one. The curse of having beautiful skin while everyone else suffered – I never took care of it or learned how to.

Eventually, my skin cleared up, but I now had battlewounds (aka acne scars) to show what I went through. Fast forward again to 27 when I was pregnant with my first, Beans. After the shock of it all, I took motherhood to the extreme where everything was about her. I don’t regret that at all. I do regret not taking care of myself. I couldn’t find that balance. I didn’t know how to make everything about her, but not forget about me either. This happened for ALL of my girls.

Fast forward again to 3 years ago – early 30s. I finally started to stare at myself when I looked in the mirror. Before that, I would do everything so quickly just to make sure my hair wasn’t all over the place, my clothes weren’t inside out and my eyeliner wasn’t smeared/smearing. What I found, scared (vain) me. My pores had gotten big and visible. There is no reversing that.

Starting last spring, I have tried to really take care of my skin. I can’t undo the damage, but I can try to hinder anymore damage from happening or at least slow it down. I’ve gotten good with washing my face 2x /day. I’ve been trying different cleanser lines, but haven’t quite found one that works well – all the time. Clinique still works for me, but I’m trying to find something that will control my crazy oily producing face. I swear sometimes I feel like I can fry an egg on my face (sorry for that visual). It doesn’t help that I now sweat easily (happened after pregnancy weight gain than I never lost). I finally went to see a dermatologist and she happens to also have oily skin so she understands my woes. She’s got me on some retinoid and trying Cetaphil’s new line for acne prone skin (wash and moisturizer). I ran out of my Clinique Acne Solutions line (lower your volume if you’re going to click on that Clinique link) so it was good timing. So far, so good, but the weather has also started to cooperate (read as: not 100 degree hot) so we’ll have to see.

Just an FYI though, I did like the Clinique line. Right before I started using it again, I was breaking out around my jawline and cheek area…heat related? I don’t know, but it cleared pretty much within a few days. Cetaphil is looking like it’s working for me too, so far. Maybe even comparable to Clinique or maybe it’s because I’m also using a retinoid.

I wish I had my old skin back, but at least now, I’m teaching my girls that it’s important to wash up every night – for now, I’m letting them just use a washcloth and water everynight…just to let them get into the habit of it.

What a blessing it was to have porcelain skin, but also a curse because I took it for granted and never took care of it and so never knew how to take care of it until later on in life… #firstworldproblems,Iknow

You know when you need to do something and you hem and haw, but you still actually do it? Then, that same thing you need to do, and did, is forced on you by someone else by someone in authority (read as: suggested by a doctor) and you just outright don’t do it? No? I’m the only one? I think I’m making up for not being a rebellious kid/teeny bopper and rebelling now.

I finally found a doctor out here in the midwest to go to for my physicals and to complain to about whatever’s bothering me. One of the main things bothering me has been the return of my acid reflux. About 10/11 years ago, I was diagnosed with Esophagitis which basically means that I had little tears in my esophagitis (and stomach?) lining due to acid reflux. Just think of really harsh heartburn. Anyway, instead of sending me on my merry way to get an endoscopy, she tells me I need to lose weight.

*doinks*

Tell me something I don’t know, lady.

Apparently, shedding a few pounds will not only make me look good, but make me feel better and stop these refluxes from occurring. I told her I’ve been trying to lose weight and went back to working out in February. She was happy to hear that.

The thing is, which I didn’t tell her, I haven’t lost much at all. Some weeks, I am more intense than others and some weeks I take “off” due to heat, recovery or sheer laziness. Except for finally doing my Week 5 Day 3 20 minute run, I didn’t work out last week due to heat and laziness. Friday came along (aka Dr. appt) and I still haven’t worked out because, well, I think because something inside me doesn’t like being told what to do. I’m such a bugger, I know. Anyway, now she wants me to come back in 3 months to see my progress, etc.

This week has been a fail so far. I’m hoping I don’t wait until September to start working out with intensity again. I really have no excuse this week. The mornings have been nice and cool as I’m not waking up to 87 degree heat and humidity…I’ve recovered from our Chicago trip and sick puppy woes (trip to the vet earlier this week for our poor poopie pup). I really need to just get on with it. Work is a bit busy, but I should be ok if I can get my run in early enough.

So, here’s a bit of “run-spiration” from Pinterest…No nearby beaches by me anymore, but still a lot of cute summer clothes out there I’d love to sport…even just a tank top and shorts!

I have attempted Week 5 at least 3, no wait, 4 times now. Each time, I wus out on W5D3 because it requires you to run 20 minutes straight, something I have never done.

Instead of me getting psyched up to push myself and test my boundaries, I get scared. Scared of hurting my shins again…scared of NOT making the full 20 minutes and feeling like a failure. The longest I’ve ever run straight was probably 13 minutes when I ran that 5k in May. So instead of getting out there and running, I lay in bed and think I should get up and go already, but in reality? I lay there and think about it more than I put an effort to doing it. I ran Week 5 Days 1 and 2 again 2 weeks ago when we had guests over. My last run was 2 Fridays ago. That’s right, no runs (or any form of exercise) at all last week. I don’t know if it’s because my body just wanted to rest after hosting guests, but I think it had more to do w/the heat and being scared.

So, I haven’t lost any weight, in fact, I think I gained a few pounds (especially not doing anything last week). I should be at my ideal body, or close to it by now, IF I just stuck to working out and eating better. Why, oh why do I always fall off the darn wagon??? At least I haven’t gained too much weight back. I am going to try this darn 20 minute run this week. Although, I may need to start Week 5 all over again so as to not shock my body/legs, but by golly, I will try the 20 minutes straight. I mean, what is my problem??? If my shins start to hurt, then fine, I’ll slow down or start walking it. I just need to move!

Couch to 5k – Week 5

I keep thinking back to that 5k in May and feeling so accomplished…totally opposite of what I’ve been feeling lately. I need to get on it and just do it. I need a boost in confidence…a better, more fit, body so I can feel confident. I’m not trying to be a size 2 again, I’m not. I just want to feel healthy and not so flabby and floppy and sloppy and blah.

I will do the 20 minutes this week (holiday week and all…weekend getaway and all). I will do it. This is my weekly challenge. I have too many cute summer clothes I want to wear and if I’m looking and feeling flabby, no amount of cuteness is going to do anything to make me feel good or look good.

I have to have one of the worst genetics of the modern world…ok, maybe First World. Between my 2 parents, I have a slew of checks all over the “Family Health History” section of any Dentist/Doctor questionnaire.

That’s just to name a few. Add in my grandparents and I can check off more: Glaucoma, Alzheimer’s or Schizophrenia or ??? At least, that’s what we think…she refuses to go to the doctor and keeps thinking she’s in the WWII era (with enemies and soldiers surrounding her house. She refuses to leave and doesn’t really let people in. She forgets people. She hears people – dead people. Maybe she’s just got the “Sixth Sense” going on).

My faux pas? I didn’t take care of myself better, earlier. I spent way too many days not eating right – whether it’s junk food all day or skipping meals or what have you. I had my fair share of drinks. I smoked for over 10 years. I drank too much coffee (cigs and coffee just went better together). I used to, and sometimes still can, get stressed beyond belief either by things around me or thinking too much. What things around me? Before it was going to school and work at the same time. Then it was added drama over boys then crazy work hours (which, apparently, can still happen b/c i worked 12 hours this past Saturday). There were times I used to drive home and see the sunrise and it wasn’t because I was partying all night long. Nope, you could have called me at work in the wee hours of the morning and I would have answered my phone at my desk….but I digress. What else? I cared too much about what people thought and stressed myself silly trying to please EVERYONE. I mean EVERY.ONE. I realize now how idiotic I must have been. I remember that I got an indirect insult and laughed it off with a “ha ha…whatever…no, it’s not blah-blah-blah” or something along those lines instead of telling that person off. All so I wouldn’t cause a stir and have an enemy. I’m also a crazy worry wart that worries about everyone and everything. I’m better at this now though, I just worry about my own and not everyone else.

So now? These years of not taking care of myself have caught up to me. I’m overweight. My skin is horrid! No amount of make-up can cover my adult acne scars and large pores.

pic courtesy of nickjr.com

My hair is thinning…doesn’t help that my dad went bald at a young age (around mine actually, I think…mid-30s). He only has hair on the sides of his head. Much like “Ye Ye” on “Ni Hao Kailan” (see pic on left). Ye Ye = Grandfather in Chinese. When the girls first saw an episode, they started saying “Ye-Ye” looks like their “Lolo” (grandfather in Tagalog…I just learned that “Ye Ye” is for paternal grandfather, but they were referring to mine). Anyway, it also doesn’t help that my mom’s hair is thinning out, but she’s at least 63 and not 34.

My acid reflux is making a mean come back (I was diagnosed w/Esophagitis in my early 20s). I have heartburn and acid to the point where I feel like I’m going to throw up once I have anything that triggers it. My heartburn is also throwing me off because now I think I’m having chest pains. Not messing with chest pains so I finally found a doctor around here that is accepting new patients (just to recap, we moved from NJ to IL this past Fall and finding doctors/dentists is never a fun, or easy, task). I didn’t realize you had to be “accepted” by doctors. I had to ask if they took new patients. Then, the Dr.’s receptionist got my info and called me back 2 days later saying, “OK, Dr. So-and-So will accept you as a new patient”. Wow. Seriously? Did they have to check if my insurance would pay out enough???

In any case, knowing that my genetics, pretty much, suck, I really need to start taking care of myself better. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m giving up anything just yet. We’ll see what the results are (after I even take any of tests. First appt isn’t until 1st week of July). I loves me some steak and I’m too stressed (with work) lately to give up me beers, mateys! When it’s time to unwind, not going to front, I haves me a beer or 2 (or wine if I’m crazy stressed in the colder months). Then, sometimes, that reflux kicks in…ah…can’t win.