Like this:

People always say you should have skies full of sunshine and rainbows, but you can’t have a rainbow without some form of moisture. Meaning, it had to rain first, or fog I suppose. Considering this in life is very different than people take it. You can’t ALWAYS be perfect= there can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. It has to rain at some point, you mess up. When being around people you can either help or hurt their wanted rainbows. The problem becomes when you realize you’re causing more rain than sunshine. It causes the question, is it your personality, and is it something you are doing? Is there something you can do to fix it? Some people have a more depressive nature. Rain happens more often for them, it’s harder for the sunshine to come around. With those type of people they need to be lifted up, shown their worth, and given a chance to learn for themselves. Again, I question…

What happens when you’re causing the rain to be more frequent?

A long time ago, I would have told you that I feel you should keep trying until the sun shines, but these days I’m beginning to think that some people aren’t able to become another’s sunshine. Or even worse, they lost their light. I personally don’t like the idea of becoming someone’s rain, I don’t want to make someone’s life worse, and I definitely don’t want to drag them through more pain. The issue stirs when love is added to the mix. You become attached. You want to stay around them no matter the cause. You tend to ask more questions like “did I cause this?”, “what can I do to help?” and you always get the same answer. No you didn’t cause this, and there’s nothing you can do. But is that the truth? Are they catering to your feelings? The answer is unknown but for someone like me, it eats at me. I don’t want my significant other to be miserable. In fact, I want to lift them up and make them happier. If there were a chance I’m making it worse, I’d almost wish they’d send me away. It’s not that I don’t want to be with them, it’s more of, I love them so dearly I’d want them to be happy even if it’s without me. My only hope is that at some point I can find what’s causing them pain and hopefully, it’s not me.

Like this:

For most of my life, I’ve wanted to be me. To be the person I knew I could be. I wanted someone to tell me “you’re weird, but that’s okay”, I’ve wanted someone to accept all of me, just just parts of me. I wanted someone to see my faults and be okay with them. For someone to realize that I write anytime I have an idea, don’t know how I feel, feel strongly about something, or if I’m trying to figure something out. I write all over everything. Sometimes it may be bullet points, an outline, a sketch of something that just looks like disorganized chaos. To me, everything is a reason to write. I’m not sure if anyone understands that. But you! Oh you… you understand! You get that if I’m furiously writing/typing I either have an idea or something is wrong. You make me talk. You make me vent, cry, let it all out. You understand I’m so horribly creative that I’m emotional. If something sits too long, I cry. Sometimes I write so much into a story I get as emotional as the character. I feel too much, I care too much. You realize that I have these faults. You realize I hurt when I’m mean to someone. You realize so much, much more than I ever thought. You make me happy even when I want to be miserable. You find a way to distract me from my depression and you’re always here. You are and will always be my muse and this is my thank you to you ❤

Piano lessons for three hours, then dance lessons until lunch. Lunch was to be very formal with Father, as it always was. Walking through the hallway, with her now gown slippers, or shoes, whatever they were called. She hated them. It felt constricting and they pinched her toes. The hallway was rather blank with nothing but a tapestry or random painting every now and then. She could faintly hear hushed whispers in the distance. Curiosity getting the better of her she headed towards the silent voices as she peered down the next hallway to look at two guards. One of which she knew too well. The older guard left, leaving the younger one standing there staring in the direction of where the older guard had vanished. Her eyes scanned over him. Alex Sinclaire. Her only childhood friend and her best friend. His bright red hair was up in a ponytail. She never quite understood why he never cut it. He was tanned, very fit, and probably extremely muscular. More importantly than that he was taller than her, which she hated her height, so he being a good 6’3” gave him fuel to tease her with.

As if he knew he was being looked at he turned his head to the side to let his blue eyes lock on hers. He seemed rather amused to see her looking at him like that. Sticking her tongue at him and scowling rather quickly at him, she rushed down the hall not giving him a chance to bother her. Once a good ways down the hall, she let her scowl drop to a smile. The only one in the entire kingdom that didn’t treat her like a princess, well he did in front of her father.

As always, she had to rush towards the dining hall knowing her father would be waiting, and Heavens knows she wouldn’t want that. Pushing through the main set of doors, she watched as the man at the end of the table turned his steely gaze towards her with a frown. Almost immediately her voice chimed in with its usual annoyed sound. “I’m not late, I’m actually early. You should be happy.” Her voice was nonchalant as her hand passed through her hair as she made her way to the other table with light interest. Sitting down rather gracefully her elbow quickly found the table, breaking the princess persona she had only moment ago. Leaning her cheek onto her palm, she looked over at her Father, the King. His tangled black hair hung along his spine in a ponytail of sorts. As usual, he dressed dark, in deep blue cloak and a black undershirt and trousers. His green eyes looked over her seeming interested in her gown, though he said nothing at all. Finally, he straightened up as she leaned over looking bored as usual. One by one, the servants flooded in bringing dishes from chicken, to pork all the way to a new delicacy of charred corn.

Silence flew between the tables as they both ate with the best of manners. As the meal came to an end, Charlotte sighed in happiness at the food and was quick to scowl seeing her Father’s gaze. “So… what is it that you wished to talk about?” she asked finally, needing to break the ice. Needing to see why today of all days he needed to make sure she was on time.

A moment passed as he looked over her saying nothing, but slowly a smile spread along his lips, the one that always caused her to get into so much trouble. The one that spelled out her needing to do something in depth, something.. distasteful to her. Finally, he broke the silence. “You are to be married within the week. I have set it all in motion.”

Firstly, let me say this is a very old start piece of writing. It has a couple pieces to it. I may end up finishing it at some point, but either way, like most of my things, it needs to be added!

———-

The world was evolving, the threat of war was going down between the humans, but other creatures were beginning to surface from the depths of the furthest reaches of the darkness. All the horror movies seemed to be proven true as of late. Demons, vampires, angels and even zombies and warlocks! All of them were real. The world was in a panic as everyone tried to figure out a way to not be killed by these creatures. The year was 2022, everyone believed there would be robots by now, but obviously, they didn’t foresee an all-out paranormal overthrow to happen. As the paranormal began to take over most of the world, it sent the humans packing for the underground. Thankfully, right as things seemed like they couldn’t get any worse, life got simpler thanks to one man, that had genetically spliced DNA into a set of baby males to enhanced their strength and make them mostly immune to magic. Years passed as the ratio from humans to the paranormal started to balance off thanks to the experimentally spliced males.

Years had passed as the man responsible for the splicing had managed to make a medical practice out of it, now all the men going in for the military was to be spliced to give them an edge against the paranormal. Xavier DeLaRouge, the scientist that had saved them all. With a world that had devolved thanks to the paranormal, they had rather gone back to the medieval days. The man was known as a medical miracle that had saved the human race. Now, years later, he was a King in his own kingdom that flourished thanks to his wondrous talent, but he had an adversary now. A vampire King almost another country away had found a way to cut out the vampire’s resistance to sunlight and had the only record of priceless books that contained key ideas such as electricity, technological advances, and medical practice. All the books from the former decades had been thought to be burned down during the takeover, but the vampiric lord Yggdrasil claimed to have them. It was a touchy subject and if he really did have them, he was a threat to his fortune and the humans.

As time moved on, Xavier had no proof of the infamous books. Because of that fact he continued with his life, married, and had children. Not far, into his wife’s pregnancy, there was complications and soon enough, she died in the midst of the childbirth, with their baby girl. Charlotte.

Have you ever sat in a room, looked around and wondered where you are going with your life? The odd feeling of déjà vu. The moment where you temporarily space out from the current reality and find yourself back in a past reality. For a couple moments, you relive parts of your life, only a few minutes pass, but within that time, you live through maybe an hour, maybe months, maybe even years. You relive the parts of your life as you wonder how it all came to this.

Your current job or lack thereof.

Your living arrangement currently

Maybe your education level or what is going on with that

Maybe even where your dream stands

When that moment of the past slips away and you are back in the present, are you feeling happy, sad, and curious?

As the person I am, I see things in colors. Instead of seeing emotions as icons, such as happy being a smiley face, I see happy as vibrant colors, maybe yellow, orange or red. When looking back on the past, I see many pastels, many dark colors, and currently my life is in a mix of vibrant, pastels and bold black slashes. Therefore, what is it that causes this mix of colors for me? Why is life so many colors, is it meant to be on a canvas?

Maybe for cases like my own, emotions were meant to be seen in such staggering colors, so that I could make such odd abstract paintings. Well that’s all for my odd thoughts for today! J

Mini update: Still no internet, I’ll only be able to post very little, but I’ll try to post something weekly for you guys ❤