Proud to smack our children

A short, sharp slap on the legs used to be many a parent's last resort when disciplining their naughty child. Even Tony Blair admits he smacked his three eldest children.

But laws introduced in 2004 mean mums or dads who bruise or mark their children can face five years in jail. Still, some parents insist smacking is the best form of discipline.

Here, Femail talks to three families about to appear in a new ITV show, I Smack And I'm Proud.

MARTYN AYRES, 44, a builder, and his wife Amanda, 39, a housewife, have two sons, Mitchell, almost four, and Spencer, 16 months, and live in a detached house in Devon. Martyn says:

We thought Mitchell would be our only child, so we doted on him. However, we were lucky enough to have Spencer, last year and when he was born, Mitchell's behaviour started to deteriorate.

Having been the centre of attention he didn't take to the new baby at all well. We tried to make him feel included and loved, giving him gifts from his little brother and trying to shower him with as much attention as before.

But it wasn't always possible. When Spencer starting toddling, he would pick up Mitchell's toys and get in his way. It was then that Mitchell started to push him.

It was becoming dangerous and Mitchell just didn't understand that he could hurt his little brother. The first time I smacked him it was out of sheer desperation.

I was getting ready for work and he was snatching Spencer's toys and pushing him so hard that he fell over. I decided enough was enough and gave him a small smack on the leg.

Mitchell cried but for the next hour he was a joy to his brother. I felt terrible and spent the whole day at work worrying about him.

That evening I gave him lots of cuddles — even though he seemed to have forgotten the whole episode. I was smacked as a child and never felt resentful towards my parents — quite the opposite — but it didn't stop me feeling bad about slapping my own son.

Not long after the first smack, he was playing up again, so I smacked him again. It seemed to stop the bad behaviour immediately, so Amanda and I discussed it and decided it was an acceptable way to discipline him.

Naturally, we found it upsetting, but we felt we were doing the right thing. But soon the smacking became more common — at least once a week — and it was draining. The guilt afterwards was terrible and we hated that it was becoming such a part of our lives.

Then, when we watched tapes of the TV show, we realised that perhaps it wasn't the only way to discipline our son. Seeing Mitchell's face on camera — contorted and crying after he was smacked — was heartbreaking.

Fortunately, at around the time of taking part in the programme things got much better. Spencer is far more mobile, so in less danger from Mitchell, and they have started to be playmates, so Mitchell is much better behaved.

Nowadays, when he misbehaves, we talk to him and he seems to understand that he could hurt his little brother. He also responds to the 'Supernanny' technique of taking toys away in response to bad behaviour — something we had tried before but hadn't worked.

We have never smacked Spencer and Mitchell has never received more than tap. Anything that would leave a mark or bruise is unacceptable.

We have to protect vulnerable children. However, if the law goes further, and any kind of smacking is outlawed, it will make parenting even more difficult.

If smacking had been banned when we were using it to discipline Mitchell I don't think it would made a jot of difference. We never smacked him in public anyway and no one would have known what we did at home.

We felt it was the right thing to do at the time, so would have carried on. Parents know best how to raise their children and Amanda and I refuse to be dictated to by officials in Whitehall.

Children need to learn respect at a young age, and smacking teaches that. Mitchell now understands that his behaviour has consequences.

JENNY SMITH, 41, a home educator, has been married to Mark, 42, an IT consultant for 20 years. They live in five-bedroom detached house in south Manchester with their five children, Richard, 17, Christopher, 14, Edward, 11, Jonathan, eight, and Eloise, six. Jenny says:

We have a biblical proverb on our kitchen wall that reads: "The rod of corrections brings respect, but a child left to its own devices disgraces his mother."

Although we have never used a rod, we believe the principle to be true. The first time I smacked my eldest child he was ten months old. He was trying to put his fingers in a plug socket. Obviously it was dangerous, so I told him not to do it and moved him away. But he crawled back.

This time I smacked his hand gently. I shocked him and made him realise that 'no' meant 'no' — he then associated doing something dangerous with a smack.

I didn't want to inflict pain. But I felt it was the safest option and I'd rather he got a tiny smack from me than an electric shock. When my husband came home that day, he agreed that it had been the right thing to do.

Before I had children I never really thought about the issue of smacking. My parents didn't smack me, and Mark and I hadn't discussed it.

No one wants to spend their life smacking children — but the younger you start the quicker they learn. As my children get older, and therefore more wilfully disobedient, they get a spanked bottom.

They get three warnings, then Mark or I take them to another room, explain what they have done that is naughty, before smacking their bottom. Afterwards, we tell them how much we love them and give them lots of cuddles. There are a million times more cuddles than smacks in our household, but the two need to exist side-by-side.

By the time children are about seven they should have learnt respect and discipline, so there should be no need to smack. Our children have certainly never been beaten. We have never inflicted damage, and there is no mark left. I'm not doing anything illegal.

It is wrong for the Government to tell parents how to discipline their children. In fact, our eldest son was so incensed by the new smacking laws that he took a petition to our MP.

There is nothing new in smacking — this is how you raise children. We use methods such as 'time out' and toy confiscation in conjunction with smacking — it is just one of a range of tools for discipline. But we need all of these tools, and, if the Government steals one of them, parents will not be able to raise their children in the best way possible.

Children need to be protected but taking away the right to smack is not going to protect an endangered child. People who are cruel to children will be cruel regardless because they are acting outside the law already.

Any future law banning all smacking would be irrelevant to me because my youngest is now more or less past the smacking stage. But I am concerned that my own children will face unnecessary intervention in their own child rearing.

I would support them if they wanted to break any such law and raise their offspring in the same way we disciplined them — with smacks but plenty of love.

My children don't swear, they are polite and well-mannered. They are normal children but they have respect for adults and their peers. I see disciplining them as loving them, I want to give them the best chance in life and help them grow up as responsible citizens.

NICHOLA COOKSLEY 31, a receptionist, has been married to Paul 36, a customer service adviser, for four years. They have a four-year-old son, Lewis, and live in a two-bedroom, semi-detached house in West Sussex. Nichola says:

We haven't always believed in smacking. Before I had children I thought I would never hit them and that techniques such as Supernanny's 'naughty step' — when a child is placed on the bottom stair and told not to move until he or she stops misbehaving — would suffice.

But that all changed when Lewis was about two. He was wilfully ignoring us and being very cheeky and although we'd tried the naughty step, and taking his toys away, he soon stopped taking any notice.

No matter how many times we'd put him on the naughty step he'd simply get up and leave. As a child, I was smacked about three times and it was upsetting but I don't feel it harmed me in the long term. I remember once swearing at my mother then being spanked by my father — it meant I never swore at her again.

Paul was also smacked as a child but felt his parents did a great job of bringing him up. But even so, we were still reluctant to physically punish Lewis.

The first time I smacked him it was a soft tap on his hand because he kept turning my computer on and off.

I'd asked him to stop but he continued and I got to the end of my tether and smacked him. It was an instinctive thing, I hadn't planned to do it but he stopped immediately and burst into tears.

I felt terribly guilty. I didn't hurt him but I felt so bad afterwards. Paul saw me do it and I remember him saying: "I can't believe you've just done that."

However, when we realised it had worked, and that Lewis had stopped misbehaving, we both agreed that I'd probably done the best thing.

Now, we both smack him when he's being naughty. He gets two warnings: first where he's told to behave and then, if he still doesn't do as he is told, he is given a light tap on the hand. Three or four times we've smacked him on the bottom.

We now find that a warning is usually sufficient and we are only forced to smack him about once or twice a month. But it used to be more like once a fortnight, which shows it is working.

We have smacked in public but only when he is being very naughty and doing things like throwing food on the floor in the supermarket.

You get stares from other people and at first I was mortified that people were judging me but compared to other mothers who scream and swear at their children in public, I feel my method is far more controlled.

No one has ever approached me about it and if they did I would tell them to mind their own business.

I have a lot of issues with the new laws on smacking. Of course, it is essential to protect children, but it is diabolical that Paul and I cannot judge how to raise our child within our own home.

As a society we must differentiate between those who discipline a child with a small smack and those who beat their children. If smacking gets completely banned we'll still carry on — I refuse to bow to a nanny state.

Even we felt the need to smack our son in public, we would do it and face the repercussions. We feel very strongly about it — all good parents want to give their child the best start in life, to protect them, and will sacrifice anything to do so.

We want to raise our son in the best way possible and feel that, because smacking is a tool to do this, far from damaging him we are protecting him.

And frankly, if some of the ASBO generation had been smacked when they were younger, our country might not be in the state it is today.

There has to be a middle ground — too little discipline can breed disrespect and violence, but too much can cause the same problem.

Most of our family and friends approve of how we discipline Lewis and I have noticed that friends of Lewis's who are not smacked are more badly behaved.

Hopefully, as he gets older, we'll have to smack him less. It doesn't upset me now because we know it is for his own good and I also know that it doesn't really hurt him.

He is not afraid of us, but he respects us and now listens to what we have to say. We love him very much and know that we are giving him the best start in life by bring him up this way.

I SMACK And I'm Proud will be shown at 9pm on ITV1 on Thursday For more information on smacking go to www.itv.com/ smack