settingIndex was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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That’s actual complete bullshit. You were already welcome with us. How could you not see that? I’d heard about the Dominion once or twice, sometimes I hoped it wasn’t real, I’d hoped Luxx was exaggerating. I’d hoped it was some kind of cautionary tale. The fact that any of it had to be explained was hopeless. The fact that fucking over those who had already welcomed you, to have a family, that you already had, made you just wire-crossed. The word family re-entered my mind, and her supposed favor, of not making me her spiritual leader. And then I heard those words again - You will join together with your enemy to build a home, and there you will plant a seed. If ever there was a time I wished I could join the nay-sayers, it was now. But I believed because I’d seen, not because I needed some form of comfort. This certainly wasn’t comfort. I needed to make a new enemy, one that wasn’t so bad.

When the hell did I say I felt sorry for you? My voice was raised, even a growl behind it as I realized I’d been trying to block more than a few emotions and anger happened to the the one that leaked out. What else did I expect? Did I offer help? I fucking asked you a question, that was all. and it was true. I exhaled, looking at her, shaking my head. Don’t be so fucking full of yourself. Not sure at this point I’d give you a glass of water if you were on fire. The honest answer to that depended on the day. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that no matter what she said, I’d never understand or even be able to believe anything other than the fact that she was selfish and power hungry.

I did smell it, and how weird, I almost winced, as if being scolded by Vega. As if she’d caught be being too hard on someone. It was heavy, at least to me, and it drowned out the pitiful, sorrowful smell of what we had left of the physical part of Vega. I only let the thought of her and the alpha intrude for a second. The ticks kept adding up, against the idea of being under the thumb of an alpha who was under hers. It was dangerous. But it dropped, and a selfish part of me bubbled up that wished this had been my own private journey, that this didn’t have to be with her. That I could speak alone with Vega, one last time. I wasn’t sure I’d even seek advice, as much as I wanted it. She needed rest, and I just wanted to say goodbye. Is it? At this point, it wouldn’t have mattered. All I could think about was being near the closest thing I had to a mother again. All I could think about was having the closure no funeral could give. I looked at her, lips tight again as if sealing in some entity I didn’t want escaping. Of course I’m coming.

“Then why ask the fucking questions in the first damn place? To just know? To have information? Why would it matter to you whether someone was forcing me to do anything? Fuck I swear every wolf here is just desperate to hear shit in my words every time I open my fucking mouth. So fucking sorry that the wolf I remember had some fucking compassion and that’s why I went there. I was mistaken.” Had to keep reminding myself that the Ancestors had put me in this situation because they knew I could handle it. That I had caused it to be worse than what it probably should have been. They had had a plan and I had been the one to fuck it. I didn’t want or need anyone’s help or fucking pity. I was here to help them not the other way around. Could deal with my own problems alone. Had been doing it for years. It was the only way I knew how to do things. Maybe I was never meant to be in a pack. Maybe being a Lone had changed me like it had Vilks. Transforming me into not only a wolf that would never be accepted by any other but one that also didn’t want to be, at my core. If only I could shake the loneliness. Didn’t understand how Vilks dealt with it. Spending so much time here was making it worse. Being surrounded in wolves and knowing that even when in the midst of what was a comforting conversation, even the ones filled with rage. It was all fucking hollow. It meant the world to me but it was a chore for them. Making themselves feel good because they entertained the Lone. Lifting their own shit on high because they were doing me a favour because I was such a pile of shit I shouldn’t be worth their time. Fuck them. Fuck all of them.

Just before I tried to shift. Tried being the key word because it was so excruciating now that I actually avoided it. The lowest of the low and I hadn’t even hit rock bottom yet. Not being able to morph into the wolf that made everything else just fall away into a primal abyss. Before I could actually inflict more pain on myself than I could on him with my claws, that scent got stronger. Vega was never one to get angry but for some reason I felt like she was displeased with how I was reacting. “Did Vega know? How much you hate me? Did she feel the same way?” As if the smell has stripped me of the rage my voice was small. So small that I wanted to just turn around and walk away. I missed her. Missed her so fucking much and I needed this. To apologise for everything. The first real apology I had ever made. One that I didn’t feel ambiguous about. I had never had ill will towards her nor any other Spiritual Leader.

So wished that I hadn’t invited him but even with her blood I wasn’t sure that I would be able to contact her. The scrying bowl would remember me now so I didn’t need a member of the Pacific to use it. However that didn’t mean I could access the Sequoia’s ancestry without a living representative. One again a double edged sword. I was doing this for me. I was also doing this for him. If I felt this terrible about the death of Vega. I knew Apollo was feeling it a hundred times worse. And you know what? I cared. I actually fucking cared. Wasn’t going to waste my breath saying so since he wouldn’t believe me. Onyx didn’t either when I said that I didn’t want any wolf to feel the same way I did. The way I knew he felt because I had experienced it. No point as they just assumed I was lying.

Picking up Vega’s head I carefully tucked it under my arm. It was pretty gruesome at this point. I had been sitting with it for a whole day. “Super. Follow me it’s not far. A cave. Pretty amazing actually.” I began back up the short pathway I had made off the main one. The closer I moved towards the spiritual location the calmer I felt. It hadn’t seemed to have the same effect on Onyx. He seemed to fight the will of the Ancestors at every turn. Should really tell him that bad things happened when wolves tried to do that. Knew it from experience. This was a familiar feeling though also a completely foreign one. Knowing that I was walking on ground that wasn’t for me and yet called out to me all the same. “All I’ll ask is whatever you get shown before we meet Vega you ignore or at least never talk to a soul about. That includes me. I don’t want to hear about it.” I’d performed this ritual many times with Sona. Once with Vegas herself. It was one way to create a direct line to the Ancestors. I had thought about it and realised that technically we were about to mix energies. A Spiritual Leader probably had some form of control over how entwined the spirits got so I had never experienced visions of Sona or Vega during the journey. Neither Onyx nor Apollo, nor I for that matter had that level of control over something that should only be performed by those that understood it. I dipped my head instinctively when entering the cave, knowing I had left what was needed at the base of the bowl. I’d tried re-connecting myself alone but it hadn’t worked. The Ancestors hadn’t allowed me in. This time I had a guide tucked underneath my arm.

You’ve been wronged before in your life, Luxx. I can’t imagine anyone roamed this planet for decades without that happening. Do you not have questions? Even without knowing the answer don’t you still throw the questions out in the air? Or reach at nothing for some kind of closure? Why the fuck things happened like they did? Which brought me back to today. It was different and I was wrong. Completely wrong. I didn’t have questions for the vampires who did this to Vega. I just wanted them to suffer. I shook my head, looking at the ground. Actually, I take that back. I have no questions for the ones who took Vega from us. For the ones who put those fucking collars on us. None. I just want them all to burn. But I have questions for you. Because you’re not them. You’re not outright decimating our numbers. You’re not enslaving us. But I just can’t shake - I stopped myself. Even if I knew why I asked questions I realized it was akin to driving nails in my feet, holding me to the past when I had to accept what I had and walk forward. Did that mean forgiving her? Not now.

Her question about Vega burned through my skin. It seared in my ears, my head, then my throat. She didn’t get to know anything about Vega after she left. She knew not to bring you up, I’ll put it that way. She had to deal with a lot of loss in your wake. I paused, stopped, and turned to her, glaring to get the point across. Just so I’m sure you know, I don’t mean the loss of you. I had tried, I kept wanting to move on and yet I couldn’t just let her talk. I couldn’t return her jabs with silence. I had to try my best to cut an inch deeper than she had. Goddammit. Luxx, I’m… I’m not doing this. I can’t even do this to you. That’s one thing I actually believed…. Believe. I believe you loved her, so fuck it. I’m sorry, and I’ll shut up. She’d want that anyway.

I followed her, feeling that breeze that I’d felt from the moment I arrived here. Knowing this place was sacred made me respect it, made me curious about more than just the rituals, values of this pack but its history. Who was watching me trespass? I almost prayed that scent was Vega but I’d been so pessimistic of late, for a slew of reasons. My hopes weren’t very high. Not a soul is going to know anything about today, Luxx.

I felt a lump in my throat when entering the cave, and a desire for this place to become more comfortable to me, at least eventually. Whether Luxx had said it was capiche to be here, I still felt like I’d been extended a gratuitous privilege. I still smelled that spicy mixture of scents that was Vega, but that scent that I’d smelled when I first stepped foot into Index was even stronger hear. It could have just been the place. The moisture in the air, it was heavier than the dry climate I was used to but it brought forth so much more vegetation? Different kinds of life. One tally on the Index board, but there was a hell of a lot of catching up.

I could get used to this place, I said flatly, but that didn’t mean I meant it less. In fact I hope I do.

This place. It could have become a favorite of mine. Would be fitting but it had been tainted by what the Ancestors had given Onyx. Taken from me. Given to him. Sona. I was prepared for them to do the same for Apollo. I still didn’t understand why. The Ancestors could be cruel like all Gods I imagined but to cut so deeply. Fuck. That was what I was willing to sacrifice for this. Willingly give Apollo my Mother for a chance at redemption. With the sun beginning to set it wasn’t moonlight that bathed the stone bowl in the middle of the cave from the skylight up above. It was vermillion tangerine sunlight. How fucking fitting that was. The crack in the stone looked larger than I remembered and yet the unmoving crystal clear water still sat at the same level. A watermark against the rock showing that it never shifted. Moving around to the opposite side of it, I stared down into the water and then back up to the Sequoia warlord. “I don’t have questions for those that truly wronged me. Whats the point in asking a Father why he beats and molests his child? Why a Mother neglects her daughter? Why an Alpha who claims to love would murder others because it wasn’t presented in just the exact way he wanted it? Just like you wouldn’t ask a Fanger why they destroy families I also don’t ask questions of demons.” They were not worth the breath in my lungs. “Likewise I don’t ask questions I don’t want to hear the answers of.” Which is why I never asked him any. Oh I had many. So fucking many.

I’m not like them. Sometimes I felt like I was. When I looked back on the things I had done. No better than a common vulture. All because I thought I was doing the right thing. “You say that not knowing how many wolves I’ve killed and eaten but yes I’m not like them. I came here trying to save what’s left of us. That’s why I protect the Alpha. He’s the only one we…you…have.” Lies mixed in with truth. Always the same. Couldn’t tear them apart at all. Didn’t even know what really was important to me at all. Completing my propechy or making sure our species didn’t end up extinct. They were one and the same but one was selfish and the other was not. “I hope you come to like this place too. I know I have."

While I didn’t want to discuss my relationship with Vega this place did things to me. Before I had told Onyx some shit I shouldn’t have. It would be no different. Just this time I would feel no shame. The dying didn’t have need for regrets. “Theres no way you could understand the bond Vega and I had. No doubt she did not mourn my leaving. She was not under the impression that I was a fucking good thing.” At times she may have made it seem that way but while they would never tell me, she and Sona looked at me the same exact way. A strange sadness but with this, sparkle, like I was beautiful in their eyes. Every now and again I would see fear. At first I had hounded Sona to find out what she saw when we connected. It was as sacred as a prophecy so she would never give me any details. Not a single word. Eventually when I realized I was being rude. Beyond that of a verbal insult, I had stopped trying. Now I didn’t want to know. “We had a chat one night about how she didn’t appreciate me turning up to her dawn ceremonies hungover on Sequoia moonshine.” Vega had been even more intune with the energies of the universe than even Sona. Greeting the rising sun was just one of her ways of thanking the Ancestors for another day. I’d tried to whenever possible join her though it was tough given how strong the brew was the night before. I giggled softly. Then remembered who I was talking to. “No-one regrets the loss of a Lone. It’s the Lone that feels the loss.” With her head in my hands, in this place, I was saying stupid shit. Shaking my limp blonde hair roughly I balanced Vega’s skull on the lip of the bowl, moving her long blood encrusted raven hair so it sunk into the water.

“Onyx was my ginea pig. Feel priviledged that I know the exact amount of mugwort to put in this thing so I don’t poisen us.” Grinning nefariously I bent down and retrieved the dried herb from a little plastic bag I had stashed away. A vision herb that was toxic if comsumed in the wrong amount. Even for us. Sprinkling the water I then lit a stick of sage and let it rest to fill the cave with the scent of smoke to purify the air. A smell that seemed to cling to me as if I too were a Spiritual Leader. “Now comes the part that almost made the Alpha have a litter. Blood. Yours and mine into the bowl and then we have to drink from it. Feel free to pussy out now. He almost did.” I’d pondered that very part of that night quite often. What had compelled him to drink the blood of someone he absolutely despised? Was he in some way trying to make it real that I was allied with him? That I owed him so I should show some loyalty. When really if he just believed me there would be no need for any of that. I’d follow him for as long as I needed to so that the Ancestors were fucking satisfied. “You’ll feel high. Sleepy. Then some fucked shit will happen and then we’ll both get to speak and see Vega. That’s the trade off for drinking the blood of a traitor”

As I held out my arm ready to partially shift to form a claw I froze. There was a hitch in my plan. A full shift was agony incorporated. I wasn’t even sure I could bring out a paw. It would be a full turn or nothing at all and this place was far too small for even my compact wolf form. “Fuck.” I sighed and screwed up my nose a little. “I’m going to have to ask you for a favour. Though you’ll probably enjoy it anyway. Claw my arm would you?”

I had regret in my stomach like an anvil when it came to Vega. If I had known her life would be so short, I would have stayed. I would have stayed with her so that she could die in that happy little home of hers. Then, yes, I’d leave. But now, even though I knew there was no way Vega would be the Spiritual Leader of Reprisal, I wanted her to see this place. I knew she could now, but I wanted to see her see it, feel her happiness. See her connect, if it was possible. Why? Because this cave was something. Comparing this forest to the Sequoia trees was becoming less, then and now and more like apples and oranges. And it wasn’t like I had to do this alone. Matrix, Sirius, Elara, and hell, even Nebula, which I never would have dreamed. Even Ara and Sio were taking to it like a fish in water. No, like dolphins playing in the ocean. Shit was hard, times were tough, and the trajectory of my life had changed. But what had made me strong to begin with was my ability to adapt. The night I reached into the fire, the night that earned my Warlord title so young, that had proved that to me.

Some of what she said - I knew she was speaking specifics but the references had zoomed right past me. Some of it had to have something to do with the Dominion. When I’d thought about it before, I’d felt pity, but almost a sense of awe - that she’d managed to come out from a pack like that as intact as she’d had. I had respect, but now that the true colors were showing, I thought I might know exactly where they came from. Then that makes us different, Luxx, I said, looking at her but it came out as casually as if we were talking about contenders for the next Super Bowl or my preferred brand of guitar strings. Closure and all that mumbo jumbo. It’s never a guarantee, I can try. I shook my head, wondering why I couldn’t shut my trap and just focus on… well.. Business.

It’ll be easy to, if I’m welcome. I had spent a lot of time with Vega before, seeking guidance, not just from the ancestors but she’d always known how to pick me up when I was in doubt. I didn’t want to assume I’d have the luxury of spending as much time in a sacred place like this as a warlord no longer destined to be the pack master. It shouldn’t have been such a shift in gears for me, but it was. The shocking thing, was that most of my time with Vega and Rigel was not spent training for strength; he himself had admitted that I probably could have easily taken him, though I had my doubts. It was spent training my confidence, my assertiveness. I was just a shy kid when this was dropped into my lap. Determined, but backward as all get out. Rigel was training me to command.

I actually chuckled a little under my breath; I always felt a strange sense of pride when someone appreciated the potency of our shine, and I could see that image in my head just as clear as day. I caught myself smiling, and instantly pulled it away. There were two different people, and I kept slipping and letting myself see the wrong person. I reminded myself to avoid her as if I hadn’t already been. That’s not exactly what I meant, Luxx. I meant the loss of morale. The loss of an alpha, the lost of their sense of…. Strength. I just.. I took in a sharp breath, even swallowed. Forget I said anything.

I watched, wondering how much of this knowledge had been gathered from Vega. My gut twisted in a strange way when I thought about the idea that Vega might have been grooming her. Would she think I wanted that? No, there’s no way, and I couldn’t even fathom her doing that to Elara. Maybe Luxx was right, maybe some questions I didn’t want answers to. Just how manipulative was she?

Drink her blood? I’d suffered worse things than blood for Vega, but it wasn’t that it was blood, it was that it was hers. I fought any reaction, unsure why. Maybe I had a new resolve that I just didn’t want her to know how much she got under my skin, how much I resented her, because it showed pain. She could act however she wanted here, she was a magnificent actress, but I just imagined her getting home, wherever that was, and grinning wickedly at herself in the mirror. So my face had a similar expression to the one that had appeared when I arrived. My lips pressed tightly together, my posture still. Like I was a dam holding back the ocean. It wasn’t the blood, I realized, it was another wave of a burning sadness that I was about to participate in a ritual without Vega. I felt like a traitor myself.

It’s fine. You know Vega. I stomached one of her health shakes before, you know, the rotten fish vomit? I grinned, finally, knowing too well again I was seeing that first person, but letting it happen because I couldn’t fight a battle on two fronts. And I wanted to be strong when I saw Vega. I let my claws puncture my hand, then quickly tore at my arm, letting the stuff fall into the water. When I finished, I turned my head to her, cocked it sideways like she’d just turned into a frog. Not gonna ask, I said, before pulling her outstretched arm, and doing the same. Just lap it up, huh? I knelt down, forming a cup with my hands and scooped it up, cinching my eyes shut as finally let it flow through my mouth. Still wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, so I decided to throw her as much of a bone as I could before the “fucked up shit”. While this in no way makes up for things, this means a- Well that was fast. lot. I wasn’t out, not yet. But it was hitting me like a truck.

A song? Had we been provided with a soundtrack? The voice sounded like a bell, but also pained, lonely, sad. The song was all there was, and once I realized that, I began to pay attention to lyrics. I loved, I loved, and I lost you. The weird part, was I began to feel just that. A feeling I’d only remotely felt twice. I instantly pushed both those thoughts away.

It hurts like hell. That line had drastically changed. I heard a sound, the kind of sound that made you squeamish. How I knew what it was was only from experience, from twisted fangers, and collared wolves. It was the sound of severing skin, cartilage. The sweet bell of a voice was gone, and while the words were still there, they were replaced, strained. First, almost whispers, and then gurgles, to the extent that the words could only barely be recognized. How many things could my brain feel? My stomach twisted as the picture hinted at by the sound came to be in front of my eyes. It was Luxx, neck severed, arteries spraying blood, veins oozing, severed vocals. You could see her larynx. But she still walked toward me, everything perfect, almost angelic. White flowing dress, blonde curls hung down her back like I’d remembered them before. Everything was perfect except for the wound that had almost chopped her neck in two like a tree. But she still sang the words which came out as raw, chaotic gurgles. When it’s almost too much for my soul alone. I still knew the words and somehow they pushed through, the meaning of them. I don’t want them to know the way I loved you. She kept singing, her hand reaching to her other arm, grabbing at something I hadn’t even noticed she was wearing - my bracelet. And the thing almost felt more special to me than before, like it was the one thing I had left of - What the fuck? Tears were streaming down my cheeks, hot tears, and I felt like a part of me had been ripped away and replaced with guilt. The bracelet became the focus, even with her neck bleeding more blood than she should have even had. The braids began changing color, texture, becoming beige, translucent and.. Slimey. It began falling to the ground in wriggling pieces. My bracelet had turned into earthworms, and they began crawling toward me, in front of Luxx like a mini armada. I loved, I loved and I- This time the voice was almost returning, but she still sounded as if she was drowning, unable to breathe. But now she was close, her hand touched my cheek and for just a second, I received a look that I couldn’t deny. She was pleading, she was warm, and… suddenly she had earthworms falling out of her mouth.