My Battle with Postpartum Depression

Even though I felt myself being sucked into an abyss of darkness, I refused to reach out for help.

Looking down at my 6-month-old daughter, Rivka, I am filled with immense gratitude for this sweet bundle of joy in my arms. I caress her warm soft skin and gaze gently into her sparkling eyes. Relishing in the simple joys of motherhood I relax in my chair as I feed my child, letting my mind flow.

Suddenly, I sit up with a start and my dreamy smile slowly evaporates. A far off memory has jolted me. In my mind’s eye, I see a younger version of myself holding another six month old little girl. I am catapulted a decade back in time. I’m 24 years old and I’m holding my second child Devorah who is screaming.

It is very hot outside yet I feel myself shivering with cold. I am feeling confused and disoriented. I look at myself in the living room mirror and see a young woman in the prime of life with a dark shadow of pain spread about her drawn features. “Is this really me”? I ask myself silently. Yes, I recognize my deep set dark brown eyes but where is their spark of life? It has all but vanished.

Since Devorah’s birth I have become a shell of my former self. I wrestle with panicky feelings and obsessive thoughts of danger. My battle with them takes up every conscious moment and is wreaking havoc on my emotional health. I have been fighting for many months now. I feel sick. Very very sick. Night after night I lay awake in a grip of terror, cold sweat covering me like a sheet of ice. My heart palpitates wildly throughout the day thumping so hard that I fear that I will rip apart from its impact.

I am continuously assaulted by an invisible monster intent on destroying me. With my defenses weakened I find myself slowly being sucked into an abyss of a silent darkness. A darkness so deep and vast that I am left completely powerless as I am sucked into its fathomless depths.

An invisible noose around my neck is drawn tighter each day, a black band of despair.

The intensity of these dark feelings and emotions is so real it is almost tangible. I feel as if I am physically choking. I am constantly heaving; frantically taking in huge gulps of air yet I continue to seemingly suffocate. There is an invisible noose around my neck that is being drawn tighter each day, a black band of despair. I can barely swallow, let alone eat, and feel myself physically weakening moment by moment.

Through the oppressive haze in our small living room, I look at my innocent baby crying helplessly in my shaky arms. She is miserable as well. She senses my pain and apathy; the invisible disconnect between us. Despite the thick fog of despair surrounding me, her plaintive cry pierces through and penetrates my broken heart. Another jagged shard splinters off, painfully ripping away at my insides. I blink repeatedly, trying to ward off tears of my own but it is to no avail.

I soon find myself crying along with her; heavy relentless sobs wracking my bent over body as I clutch her tightly to my chest.”What is wrong with me?” I berate myself over and over. “Why I am such a failure at what comes so instinctively to others? Why can’t I just pull myself together and succeed at being this child’s mother?”

I cannot accept the fact that I can be afflicted by an emotional disorder.

But deep down I know the truth. I know that this is not my fault. I know that I am suffering from severe postpartum depression. I know that this is a mental disorder and that I should reach out for help. But I can’t. I just can’t. I cannot face and accept the fact that I, who always prided myself on my inner strength and independence, can be afflicted by an emotional disorder. I was not one of them, one of the nameless unfortunates that dotted our community and society. A powerful force continues to hold me back from recognizing and accepting my illness.

And even if wanted to reach out, I wouldn’t know where to start. I simply cannot help myself in my disoriented and precarious state. I cannot think rationally nor make informed decisions. I feel as if my brain has disintegrated and my intellect stripped away. No one but my husband knows of my anguish and I beg him not to reveal my secret to anyone. My young innocent husband not wanting to upset me even more makes the dreadful mistake of complying.

I feel that if I would reach out for help the shame would completely break me. That I would lose myself in the process. My logic is twisted and warped. I am forgetting that the broken human being that I have become cannot possibly get any more broken or lost than she is now. But I cannot think straight let alone make rational decisions. All that I know with certainty is that I don’t want to be branded as “crazy.” My inner voice warns me of the terrible and dire consequences that would come as a result of such a rash action. This message is repeated over and over and over like a broken record. The overwhelming fear of stigma and the pressures of society’s expectations are shockingly stronger than the mammoth forces of illness that are destroying me, mercilessly tearing apart my innards into ragged shreds…

I continue to convince myself that I am making the right choice. I am young and very naive. My self confidence is shaky and as if to prove myself, I continue to suffer a tortuous existence. And here I am holding my six month old baby girl in my arms feeling the hot tears coursing down my cheeks and dripping onto my little girl’s warm soft skin; bitter tears of anguish and pain.

Suddenly my painful reverie is interrupted by a little giggle. A carefree sound full of life and joy. I am instantly back in the present moment. It is 2012 and I am looking down at baby Rivka who is laughing and smiling her sweet gummy grin at me. I am again holding a six month old baby girl. The scene is eerily similar to the one I have just left and yet so very different. In the ten years that have passed between them, life has taught me a lot. After reaching a point in my treacherous journey in which I literally could not function, I finally received the help I so desperately needed and began a journey of recovery and self growth that has helped mold me into the strong confident person that I am today.

I now know that postpartum psychiatric disorders are a biologically based illness with the potential to cause unbearable suffering if left untreated. Postpartum depression, along with all mental and emotional illnesses, is as painful and all encompassing as any serious physical disease. It can be likened to a cancer of the soul, a disease of the spirit eating away at one’s inner core and leaving its victims a shell of their former selves. The pain can be compared to a fiery cauldron searing away at the very essence of a person. The baby is at significant risk for physical and emotional neglect and subsequently may miss out on important developmental milestones and be scarred for life.

I learned that though it may seem that I can control my life, in actuality the ultimate control is in God’s hands and by yielding to Him I can let go. I have done my part and with this realization comes a tremendous release of anxiety, tension and inner conflict. I learned that I am stronger than I think and that strength is in fact measured by facing a challenge head on instead of running from it. Most importantly, I now recognize that reaching out for help is a sign of strength and not one of weakness as I had so erroneously thought.

I am immensely grateful for those whom I see as God’s messengers; the dedicated mental health professionals who helped me rise from the abyss and guided me back to the road of health. I thank G-d daily as well for the gift of the psychotropic medications available which literally change the brain’s chemical dysfunction back to a normal setting. With the use of these medications under a physician’s care, I was able to fulfill my dream of having more children without a trace of the affliction I had previously experienced.

Postpartum disorders are treatable and even preventable if dealt with in a prophylactic fashion.

I will never forget the intense pain and anguish inflicted upon myself as well as my husband and innocent young children. No one should have to suffer as my family and I did. Postpartum psychiatric disorders are very treatable and even preventable if dealt with in a prophylactic fashion. The key to eradicate the stigma involved is awareness and education.

But now, holding my baby with the gift of a clear head and a light heart, I am on the other side. I awake each morning with a sense of thankfulness and purpose. I feel so very fortunate to be fulfilling my role as a healthy and functional mother. I have come full circle. And today, on my baby girl’s six-month birthday I am filled with immense appreciation as I celebrate the spectacular gift of life; of her life as my child and mine as her blessed mother. I hold little Rivka close to my chest and rock her.

Once again I feel hot tears running down my cheeks and slowly dripping onto my baby’s warm soft skin. But this time they are tears of joy.

Visitor Comments: 23

I too have suffered from postpartum depression. It is utterly crippling!! Thank you for spreading the word and helping to teach people it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

(12)
Leibel ben Yaakov,
September 3, 2012 1:06 AM

Good For You! (But Not For Everyone)

Mrs. Kagan deserves to be praised for her bravery. It is wonderful to hear when someone has sought help in a time of need and found it. However, please be cautious: for many, if not most people, the newest SSRI antidepressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are not effective, produce horrible side-effects (including suicide) and are extremely hard to withdraw from and stop taking. When the drugs work, it is a blessing, but much of the "brain chemistry" comments we hear is hypothetical and unprovable misinformation from pharmaceutical firms interested in selling a drug. Many years of happiness surely lie ahead for the entire Kagan family; the rest of us need to take our own cautious steps.

Esti,
September 11, 2012 4:30 AM

where are you getting your info. from?

If one researches any responsible drug for ppd they will find out that the majority of users are helped to a significant degree.The statistics out there are clinically proven and are reported in proffesional medical journals around the world.Of course there may be some potential side effects but if you read the back of a tylenol bottle you will see a list of scary sounding potential side effects as well.The same goes for herbal/alternative treatment .The suffering and danger that comes with untreated ppd are more debilitating and dangerous than any possible side effect that may occur.The problem of suicidal thoughts from ssris are rare and generally only occur in treenagers and very young adults under the age of 24 whereas suicidal feelings and thoughts are commonly found in many women with untreated ppd and can affect all ages. The bottom line is one needs to do research and make an educated decision based on the severity of their illness On a personal note, I was treated with ssris(anti depressants) for a serious episode of ppd and initially experienced some side effects of anxiety/panic which completely went away after the first few weeks of taking the medication as my body adjusted to it. Though those first few weeks were admittedly tough yet the end results were well worth it.

Rivka,
February 27, 2013 12:56 AM

psychotropics

being a Nurse-Midwife for 42 years I tell you psychotropics have caused more harm to mothesr and unborn babies (can cause i.e.heart defects). We live in the "pill" society. Did you know that all those mass murders lately are done by people on psychotropics. Not to forget the extremely high number of suicides in the world committed by guess who : people on psychotropics. There is something wrong with humanity, with society, LOVE and warmth are lacking, Rivka

Sarah,
July 22, 2013 11:26 PM

medications today are very safe under proper supervision

Times have changed over the past 42 years. Medications are much safer and with proper care have few side effects.They can be a life saving tool in the treatment of ppd.If a mother is given medication when necessary under the care of a competent physician both she and the baby should be fine.I speak from experience when I say the danger in ignoring a true post partum depresssion can be much more dangerous for both.Wishing away ppd and expecting love and warmth alone to eradicate a very real medical issue is foolhardy.

(11)
Anonymous,
August 30, 2012 1:27 AM

terrific and poignant article

I was very impressed with the honesty and raw emotion described in this article. This is just a small peak into the experience described in the book by the same author. Having read WAVES OF BLUE, I can highly recommend the book to anyone suffering from an emotional ailment or to their relatives. It opened my eyes to understand what PPD is about. I only hope that this book will be read by a lot of people in order to prevent misunderstand ing and to give the proper support and resources to those who need it.Thank you Aish .com for the much needed awareness this article provided.

(10)
rivka,
August 29, 2012 7:26 AM

great article!

i think people are so afraid to admit problems like this is bec. of shidduchim issues. if we could all just chill out about shidduchim issues, and realize that its from H anyways, then we could seek help when its needed. the brain is physical! hello people!! just like nobody chooses to have epilepsy, nobody chooses to have a disorder in their brain. denial is dangerous in this situation.

(9)
chaya,
August 28, 2012 8:14 PM

thank you

I suffered from ppd after my second beautiful baby. it was the scariest thing i have ever gone through and i thought i would never ever get out of it. i didnt want my children, i was scared to harm them and i just wanted to curl up into bed and fall asleep forever but with the help of my amazing husband, therapist and meds (which are now down to a very low dose )and of course Gd's mercy i am happy to say that my second baby is now three years old and im expecting my third. it hasnt been long since so of course im still working at it every day. this article made me feel like i really am not alone especially with all the comments below.

(8)
Anonymous,
August 28, 2012 2:06 AM

Inspiring story. I read your book and it was so helpful to understand the depths of PPD. It is amazing that you were able to lift yourself up and get the help you needed and now remain an inspiration to others.

(7)
Anonymous,
August 28, 2012 12:07 AM

This article will be such a gift

I want to thank you so much for the open and honest way you wrote your article. I have not read your book, but I'm very sure it is helpful as well. It should be given to every expectant mom, whether it's her 1st child or her 5th. This insidious disease can strike with any given birth. With my first child some 42 years ago, I was so excited to be pregnant. I was 26 and had dreamed of it since I was 17! I loved being pregnant, I loved giving birth without meds and I loved breastfeeding. When I found myself at 6 weeks PP having feelings I knew nothing about I immediately blamed myself for not being a good mother. In the community I lived in, there was no information available and of course, I couldn't ask for help because what I felt went against the grain of all that I had believed up to then. I would lie in bed at night, awake for hours, trying to figure out how I could leave my daughter because I felt so unworthy of her. Then I would worry that if I left, I would do more harm to her psyche than to stay. To not feel like a good mom devastated me! I thank G_D for healing me without help. It was clearly not a 'bad' case of PPD, but I have never forgotten it. I became a childbirth educator when she was about 18 months old. I learned about PPD and EVERY class I taught heard my story and my plea to get help if they found themselves with the symptoms. I also did a phone follow-up with each new mom at about 4 weeks PP to see how they were doing. Now depression is so well understood and accepted for the brain illness it is. That is a blessing to all who experience depression, but most definitely a gift to new moms. There are many new meds and so much help available now. I encourage all of you who read this article written by a very wise woman, to share it with all expectant or new moms you know. Even, if you can, giving them the book would be such a gift and could be shared by many women. Thank you, Shoshana for your thoughtful, beautifully written article.

(6)
Tova Saul,
August 27, 2012 3:34 PM

1 of 7 women.....

.....suffer from PPD. It's something we all should be aware of, in order to refer those suffering with it to get help.

(5)
Sara,
August 27, 2012 1:56 AM

Waves of Blue

Dear Shoshana,
I read your book "Waves of Blue" and was so inspired by the fact that you were willing to share your experiences in order to help others. I feel that your book can be a great source of Chizuk to any woman who is experiencing PPD or a related disorder. It is written in such an honest and open way, and can really make someone in a similar situation feel that they are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you!

(4)
Michal,
August 27, 2012 1:49 AM

I know this by experience

More than 40 years ago, whili living in Yerucham in the Negev with my husband and my first little son, I suddenly became very very sad. In the evening, when I went to bed, I started to weep and could not stop it. I had read many books during my pregnancy and knew therefore, that I suffered from postpartum Depression.
I went immediately to our "kupat cholim" and I found a very nice and kind Doctor, who explained, what I already knew. I got some Vitamin pills and an injection
for some time, and it was so good , the way he talked to me and explained and found it normal and told me it will soon be over, that I could take it as if I had a bad cold.
It was really over soon and I could enjoy my baby again.
Til today, I feel thankful, when I think of this young and friendly Doctor. Shoshana, the writer of this interesting artikel, wanted to get over it without help, and therefore it turned to be a Battle. Good, that in the end she took
help too... I wish her and her children all the best.

(3)
Rachel,
August 26, 2012 10:25 PM

Great article, important subject

Thank G-d the observant community is coming to have a fuller understanding of the reasons for depression. Re the comment of Ms Adahan: I have yet to meet a new mother (especially one breast-feeding) who wasn't sleep deprived, so I don't think suggesting women should get at least 7 hours sleep a night is realistic for those who can't afford a baby nurse or child care for older children.

Ita,
August 27, 2012 1:29 PM

re Mrs. Adahan's response

They can if we make it important for the husbands to help. They should do it if they care about their wives.

(2)
Miriam Adahan,
August 26, 2012 4:59 PM

THERE ARE NATURALCURES

I wich doctors would tell pregnant women and new mothers: "Make sure you get adequate vitamin D (over 40 IU), 7 hours sleep and avoid junk foods (especially white flour, white sugar, diet substances and food additives), which destroy vitamin B. Depression has a strong relation to poor nutrition and lack of sleep. Mothers who must return to work within 2-6 weeks or are sleep-deprived are also at risk.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2012 6:34 AM

Thank you

Thank you for sharing this information. We discovered that we had a low vitamin D count and, with supplementation, there was a huge improvement in energy and general well-being. Baruch HaShem!

Mark,
August 27, 2012 6:34 PM

One must address all aspects of PPD

Mrs. Adahan's comments are important to note, and many have been positively influenced by her advice and guidance through her books and other mediums. However, I would strongly caution against relying primarily on such naturalistic changes with the expectation that in doing so the PPD will pass. A significant percentage of mothers will require medication and/or psychotherapy for the disorder to be treated effectively. Again, dietary and other lifestyle changes can be of great help in treating PPD, but readers should be advised of the danger of assuming these changes alone will frequently alleviate their suffering - there is a place for psychopharmacology and psychotherapy that can not be denied. (I am a doctoral student in clinical psychology).

Anonymous,
August 27, 2012 11:13 PM

this advice can be very misleading

I suffered from severe ppd after the birth of my son and initially took similar advice from others to take vitamin supplements,rest up, think positive...in other words, to use the natural approach. I tried so hard but literally was not able to function. All the natural healing will not make a dent if there is a serious chemical imbalance involved as it was in my case.Such advice is good for someone suffering from the more typical baby blues. However, if the new mother has great difficulty eating,sleeping,focusing and in general feels very sick she needs quick medical intervention as I myself learned firsthand.Although I initially felt like a loser for taking the meds, I now realize that they were a life saving tool sent straight fromG-d.They put the ground back beneath my feet and effectively stopped my rapid descent into the black pit of mental illness. I feel that it is absolutely foolhardy to advise women with generic advice to just take vitamins and sleep more and wish away a life threatening illness. Dear mothers, know yourself! If you are suffering greatly and feel you need the medicine TAKE IT!Think for yourself and do what you have to. Unfortunately, many people and society in general erroniously think that taking meds for biologically based depression is a cop out. In actuality there is nothing further from the truth as anyone who suffered from serious clinical depression can attest to.Depression is an illness no different than diabetes or asthma .Would anyone in their right mind tell an asthmatic struggling to breathe or someone going into diabetic shock to just rest up and take a vitamin?Insulin and inhalers are gifts from Hashem meant for us to use if necessary and so are antidepressants.Let us use these gifts if warranted WITHOUT SHAME and give thanks to the One above for sending them to us.It is really time for people to wake up and treat mental health disorders like the illnesses they are.

Emily,
August 28, 2012 9:47 PM

misleading

This is misleading info. While I greaty respect your work the vast majority of women with PPD will not get better from sleep and vitamins. They need real medical help. Perhaps in a mild case- but to suggest only 'natural cures' is dangerous. There is no shame in taking medication and or therapy. (which is empirically vadlidated). Supplements are generally not well researched or well controlled and can be dangerous without proper supervision.

(1)
Orah,
August 26, 2012 10:26 AM

How does one get help for this disorder?

What a wonderful article. However, where does one get help for this disorder? I myself when through a period of post-partum depression and could not get any physician to take me seriously. I went to the doctor several times, once to the emergency room, and even went in person to the local mental health center in my town in Israel, sobbing, and the most they would due for me was give me phone numbers of therapists. The waiting list for treatment in the local mental health center was over two months long.

A fellow sufferer,
August 26, 2012 3:02 PM

Getting help in the States

I had a pretty severe case of PPD from the time my son was 2 weeks (yes, there is often a gap between delivery and the onset of PPD), until he was about 6 months. I chose to spend 5 days in the psychiatric unit of a local hospital. The intense counseling and group therapies I had there were so invaluable, and did more that my therapist could do alone. Yes, it was challenging for my husband, and it did require help from my mother as well. The hospital was even accommodating to my desire to only breast feed, which meant a nurse needed to come watch me pump (anything with a long cord or string is prohibited in the psychiatric unit) every 2 hours, and I got special permission from the hospital to have my husband bring my son for nursing at non-visiting times. Yes, it was difficult, and no, it was not an easy decision, but I'm glad it's the one I made.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2012 5:10 PM

NITZA - an org that helps women with PPD

NITZA is an organization in Israel to help women with PPD. Their website is http://www.nitza.org/ and their phone number is 02-570-4036

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...