menu

Pages

Saturday, February 28, 2004

DO YOU REALIZE...

I'm home sick and watching the Mandy Moore movie "How To Deal." It's surprisingly great and has an amazing soundtrack (flaming lips, the music, and some others). I love Mandy Moore. I'm also in love with the guy who plays her love interest and I want to have about 10 million of his high cheekboned babies with fantastic hair and brooding eyes.

Did anyone go to CBGB's last night? Did the Strokes perform? Who performed? What happend?

I'm home sick and watching the Mandy Moore movie "How To Deal." It's surprisingly great and has an amazing soundtrack (flaming lips, the music, and some others). I love Mandy Moore. I'm also in love with the guy who plays her love interest and I want to have about 10 million of his high cheekboned babies with fantastic hair and brooding eyes.

Did anyone go to CBGB's last night? Did the Strokes perform? Who performed? What happend?

Friday, February 27, 2004

LAST NITE... I SAID...

OK, I have absolutely no idea if what i said about the secret Strokes show is true or not. But added rumors floating around L'Office de SPIN is that Moby will be opening. I have no more information about this event at all. I dont even like the Strokes.

Last night, while at Karaoke to celebrate Grant coming back to NYC, i found out that his return is PERMANANT. I think when he told me this my face turned red and my body temp went up. I was like "Oh, so you think you can go frolic in the wild west for a bunch of months and then come back and claim Brian back? You think so huh? Well, fuck you! He's mine now. You and Tara left and I adopted him. Fuck off." And then he said that we could share him. That works too since Grant is hot. I kissed him last night. Then the three of us -- Grant, Brian, and myself -- performed Madonna's "Borderline". Oh, that was after Sid & Buddy asked the room "how many people have made out with Ultragrrrl?" on a night that... well, a fair number of room occupants had.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

I hate talking about politics, so I think that I'm going to cease from doing so from now on. Instead I'll focus on what I know about, which is getting drunk (or not drunk!) and watching tv. I mean, partying. Yeah. Partying.

Tuesday I got to hear a certain album by my favorite fucking singer who was in one of my favorite fucking bands of all time. I pumped my fists into the air and demanded hearing songs "louder" and "again" and all the while i pumped more and more beers into my empty belly. A moment away from shaking my beer bottle and spraying it's contents all over my bosses, my stomach started bugging out so I just kinda hung back and listened to the crooner soothe my belly into peace until we were asked to leave the offices of the record label since I drank them out of house and home. OK, that's a lie, we were asked to leave cause it was getting late.

So i walked back to the SPIN offices singing, logged onto my computer, did a blog entry, and called Rob Holmes to see if he wanted to meet for a beer before the Imarobot/Kill Hannah/Sounds show. Meeting up with Rob = good. Meeting up for a beer = bad. We grabbed a beer and i cringed with every sip, trying to hold down the dark sludge of a really thick lager. By the time we entered Irving Plaza I was telling Rob that it was gonna be an early night because my stomach had had enough with me and was calling a coup. So after Kill Hannah's amazing set (dude, they're so fucking cute -- if i were sixteen their photos would be lining my walls) which included the old song "Nerve Gas", i went to get my jacket. I was walking through the crowd when I spotted... him. The boy my roommate and i have been swooning over every week. The boy we declared would be our next baby daddy. The boy who has made us want to move to the... OC. Ryan! He was standing with a couple of friends, wearing glasses, and looking sort of -- goofy. Not like, dorky, but like, happy go-lucky. Not intense like his character. So i walked over shamelessly and said "Are you Ryan from the OC? I'm such a huge fan!" and walked away. Me? I'm 100% dorkus.

So then Rob stuck me in a cab and I went home. I collapsed into bed by 11 only to be woken up at 3:30am by a drunken Mat Devine who was outside my apt and needed to be let up for a place to crash. About 15 minutes later the rest of Kill Hannah, plus a roadie called Wooter, were half naked and wrestling each other in my bedroom as I begged "Shhhh! You'll wake up my roommates!" Apparently they were at a club were some old coke dealer dude fell down the stairs and they had to wait for paramedics or something. Anyway, after the fagathon of wrestling ended (it was actually one of the hottest thing i've ever witnessed with my own eyes), the boys all passed out on various parts of my floor. The alcohol smelling sweat intoxicated me to sleep.

Last night I DJed a party for the Club Dread movie premier. It was as some fancy club called the Social Club and the KH boys came along with the Boyfriends. Last night was Greg the Boyfriend's birthday and my only gift to him was an open bar and a friendly smooch in the DJ booth. He spent the night looking for a "fit bird" and the only one he could find was also searching for a fit bird. Boyfriend Greg is way better looking then he ever gives himself credit for. I met him at a Clinic show about 2 years ago when I spotted him from across the room and literally dragged him by the arm with Lizzy (it was actually mine and Lizzy's first date without a chaperone) to a party I was DJing. I don't think he knew my name until a year later. And Raphael, he's a better looking Ryan Adams, only he's Cuban like Elian Gonzales. I've got the two cutest and most fun non-boyfriend boyfriends ever!

After dropping the boys at the VonBondies after party -- and after consuming about 4 beers in 2 hours at the open bar while djing -- i consulted my bed. My lovely bed. Alone at last. Unlit cigarette in one hand, and ashtray in the other, i drifted off to dreams of half naked boys wearing eyeliner wrestling around in my room. This morning I interviewed Simon LeBon. It's like boys in eyeliner are following me.

Tonight Rob is taking me out to dinner (hot! a boy actually paying for me! instead of the other way around!). Then we're going to karaoke with Brian at Remote Lounge for a little Sid and Buddy action -- PLUS, Grant is back in town.

OK, the Stills just came up on my iTunes. I really love that "Montreal" song. I'm also warming up to Longwave. Everytime I hear them I'm like "who is this?" in a positive way. Maybe I just didnt give them enough of a chance. I think in my head i was always thinking that you could either like the Walkmen OR Longwave but not both (like blur vs oasis). I dunno. I'm not very smart sometimes.

By the way, apparently the Strokes are doing a secret show tomorrow (Friday, February 27) at CBGB's. Since it's shabbat, i wont be going. But I'm sure it'll be fun, sweaty, and loud -- if it's actually happening and not a ploy for some unknown band to get a bunch of kids to their show. I don't think i actually like the Strokes' second album all that much. Call me picky, but i really dig being able to hear vocals on a record. Maybe that's why i like the Muse album so much. Speaking of which...if you IMed me to get the track and i didn't reply, it's cause I left my AIM on over night at work.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE

I posted this in the comment box that went along with my "bush hates gay people" posting, but incase the person that should read it (and who so cowardly doesn't attach an email to their postings -- dude, i mean, if you're gonna dish hate at least have balls when doing so) doesnt read it, here it is:

OH MY GOD! my use of the word "fag" was IRONIC!

Holy shit. What kind of bullshit is this where you think i'm seriously using the word "fag." It was used in irony.

Also, if you dont like reading this blog, dont. it's so simple like that. If i dont like reading something, or listening to something, i just focus my attention on more compelling items.

And if you're gonna say that i should turn my attention to more compelling things when dealing with Bush -- this is the sort of thing that effects people in a different way THEN A STUPID FUCKING BLOG ABOUT HOW I LIKE TO GET DRUNK AND PARTY.

Incase you missed last night's TV watching awesomeness (like I did), Karen has your back. This posting is actually a must read, no matter what your situation is. RE: Yoanna, I think she's majorly hopped up on some Stacker2 because she's got this psycho excitment to her. S2 makes you totally fucking psycho. Like, "holy shit, it's 2am and i need to clean my room RIGHT NOW" psycho.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

UMMMM....

I just got really drunk on bizniz hours. It's ok tho, i work in rock and roll. That's what i tell myself. Anyway, i'm listening to "Apocalypse Please" by Muse at the moment. I'm on my fourth listen and each time i wanna fucking freak the fuck out. it's the best song, not counnting "hey ya!" that i've heard in ages. it's amazing. i wanna like, do something destructive and constructive all at once. i wanna scream. Please, for the love of God, please listen to this song. I will AIM it to you if you ask. I will fucking sing it for you. I want to listen to this song, and nothing but this song, for the next 15 hours. I know that i'm drunk right now, but i'm likethis when i'm sober as well. It's like I'm listening to Mozart for the first time and witnessing genius first hand. I can't listen to this loud enough.

What a total douchbag dick face fag. Dude, last time i checked, church and state were not connected. Get your stupid face out of mine. Wonder if he'll do something about all the bullshit hetero marriages that take place every day -- i mean, if anything is disgraceful to the face of marriage, it's that.

IN OTHER NEWS

Remember kids, not all Republicans suck total cock! My very awesome older brother (whom is also a Libertarian) got the quote of the day on PoliticsNJ: Quote of the Day"In politics, it's not a good sign when you have to tell people you didn't beat your wife, and a very bad sign when your opponent has $2 million to suggest you did." -- Fort Lee Republican Lawrence Lewitinn, on the prospects of Bergen County Freeholder Louis Tedesco winning re-election.

Sorry for the 93rd update in the past hour. But this article totally made me stoked. Throw honorary Manc, Carlos De. into the mix and it's like, whoa. By the way, incase you didn't know, Carlos DJs at Black & White (in nyc, i think it's 11th street btw 3rd and 4th ave) on sunday nights after 11pm -- every sunday. He likes it when people show up.

In related news, i'm gonna be djing with the rhythm section of the Smiths sometime in March at the Tribeca Grand. Not sure of the date yet, but details forthcoming.

Dont read this article while listening to death cab for cutie's song "transatlanticism." so utterly depressing, i'm hardly able to hold back the tears. What the fuck is happening in our world right now and what the hell have we done? What do i (we) do now? I don't mean to sound like a stupid fucking hippy, but I'm seriously overwhelmed with fright by this article. I understand that it might not be true and blown severely out of proportion, but if even 1/10th of it is based in truth, i'm seriously considering the future in ways that i've never. Do i want to have children if they'll be brought up in such awful environmental conditions? what sort of life can i guarantee them? what is the fucking point anymore? even alcohol can't remedy this situation, not to mention it'll leave me severely dehydrated and there's no water to spare.

I'm DJing tonight. The party is gonna be, like, awesome.
Here's where you find out about it: Misshapes.
The party is being thrown by Greg K, Leigh, and Geo... of fatherfucker fame. If any of you went to Fatherfucker, you'll know that uh... I'll probably be making out with many, many, many boys who are of the, uh, homo.
By the way, mention my name (ultragrrrl), at the door for free admission!

Friday, February 20, 2004

ROCK THE VOTE, FOR REALZ

How gay is it of me to actually want to vote for John Kerry after seeing this photo? I mean, totally not based on anything else other than "Holy shit, he hung out with John Lennon! That dude is awesome!" It's like one day I'm gonna say "screw you" to rock and roll and become a politician and suddenly photos will surface of me with Interpol, blood shot eyes, beer in hand, and my broken heart as my boyfriend leaves me for Meg White or something. Thank you Catchdubs! for that.

Thursday night the Lot Six came to SPIN offices to perform a toned down set for all of us and some invited guests. They were fantastic and switched their sound from their typical post-punk sound to a more alt-country vibe. One of the members looked like Corey Feldman. That's never bad. I drank a lot.

Afterwards I went down to Pianos. It was like a blogger power dinner/drinks. If someone walked in on us they'd realize how utterly dorky we all are. The entire time we kept on saying "so best" and "no buzz". Then Rob Holmes bought me and Scott a shot of tequila -- which I really didn't want. I pleaded "please! dont give me a drink. i will puke. i cant drink no more!" But they laid down the peer pressure and so i tried to drink the shot, but my throat closed up and the shot just wouldn't go down my throat. So i ended up spitting the tequila all over Rob and Scott's feet. Whoops! Then Rob bought another round of shots to give me another shot at drinking, and I managed to keep it down... frowning the entire time. Then i made out with Rob.

Happily drunk, I sauntered down to the Bowery Ballroom with Jenny Penny and Lauren to see Franz Ferdinand, AKA, the awesomest band that makes me grow a peepee just so it can get hard. I can't believe I went to see them at Pianos a couple months ago and now they're headlining a sold out show at the bowery ballroom and with each show i'm getting more and more stoked. New York Doll got so stoked that she couldn't help herself from shouting out "OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO HOT!" ... uhh... which caused Alex the singer to start giggling while singing "Jaqueline." Please, if you can, please go see them live, or at least buy their album when it comes out next month. I'm gonna buy myself like 4 copies for me and my friends. I only have 3 friends.

Aston Kutcher is 30. But guess what, he's still hot and I'd still do him.

Muse's Absolution is getting released on March 23 in the United States of America. FINALLY! Uhm, this is, like, the best fucking album of 2003, and maybe 2004. And not only are they playing Coachella, but I think they're gonna do a tour until the summer across America, and if you're smart, you'll buy your ticket the moment they go on sale. Holy shit they're amazing. Watch this video and tell me if it blows your load or what. If it doesn't work there, try their website which is linked above.

Barry the Scottish non-Teenaged Mailorder Boyfriend (and future blogger! uh oh!) has a doppelganger. His name is Johnathan Rice and Johnathan is going to be playing a bunch of shows in NYC. He's like Chris Martin meets Ryan Adams and, just like Barry, he's Scottish and 20.

Listen to the Killers' "Somebody Told Me"... and I guess join their street team if you're in the UK. Uh... I love them maybe too much.

Lots of stuff happened, but here's some of it since it's all a blur and the important stuff I can't share.

London was fun. Kim and David are the best. Greg and Raphael cause trouble in every room they walk into. Karen was a perfect partner in crime. We saw the Killers 3 times in 2 days. I was in the same room as Thom Yorke but not Muse (ha! i even stalked their us a&r guy at the nme's to tell him that was so stoked that he signed them -- he was like "i heard about you..."). I fell asleep during the NME awards while drinking a beer. Petted Imran's babe-magnet afro. Danced on stage with Whitehouse and tried to get kicked out of the awards. Went to an after party at the Key West Hotel (after calling it Key Lime about 9 times) that was being hosted by Jet and Har Mar. Senior from Junior Senior was hanging out. He's really gay. Didn't see Kate Moss. Danced a lot. Shopped. Ate things with mayo. Holy shit i drank so much that I started sweating beer. Pete Libertines tried to take my beer right out of my hands when i was telling the Queens of Noize that i thought they were hot -- which they are. I danced with boys. I danced with girls. I danced on tables and chairs. I ate nine plates of conveyor belt sushi from Yo! Sushi (the british are notorious for not knowing how to cook... so i stuck to things that didnt need to be cooked basically). I saw Joe from the Icarus Line. I saw a boy I like. I saw a couple of boys I used to like. I saw a couple of boys I'll always like. I danced with them. I walked to the tube station with Karen while very drunk singing the Killers and then upon realizing that i was about to get on to the Northern Line tube I started singing "Boarderline" by Madonna, but changed the words to "Northern line, feels like i'm gonna lose my mind, if you keep on pushing my tube to the northern line" or something -- i'm not sure since i was drunk and persuaded another drunk couple to join me in singing after i stopped them from physically fighting. People in England dont like Arabs so there were times when cabs wouldn't stop for me and my friends or restaurants wouldn't seat us. The exchange rate is bullshit. The tap water sucks. Coke (the drink) tastes like poo. My friends there in London, they're the finest. They're the sweetest. The soundtrack of my trip would include "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand, "Rip it Up" by Razorlight, and "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Photos are coming. I swear.

Franz Ferdinand are playing tonight. Everyone's plus ones got taken away due to everyone wising up and wanting to go. So if anyone has a ticket for my roommate and a friend, please let me know. Thanks.

Check out how smart Franz Ferdinand are (even if they dont mean to be). A Must Read.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

HEY

I'm back. Update forthcoming. FYI - How shitty was "American Idol" last night? My evening was saved only by "America's Next Top Model". The overwhelming amount of British women and models i've been exposed to lately is forcing me to consider a change in diet, ie: stop eating. Say goodbye to the twins, they're always the first to go.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Monday, February 9, 2004

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

OK, so i'm gonna try my very best to recall what went on Saturday. The day started off taking Brian out to brunch at Clinton Street Bakery with Lizzy, Niki, Courtney, and Eva. The girls, naturally, loved Brian. Who became known as APBrian. All Purpose Brian. I would like to point out that both Niki and myself had two whole entrees for breakfast. I had a buttermilk bizkit sandwich AND huevos rancheros and Niki had two plates of something or another. I totally finished both my breakfasts. So full. Feed a cold, and baby, i had the flu.

We went back home, I took a nap, and then woke up in a panic when i realized that during lunch Brian expalined what a PA amp was, and that I didnt have it. So I started frantically call people looking for one. I asked Nate the Roommate if he had one since he's in a band and apparently band's would be the most likely to have a PA amp. No dice. After about 85 frantic phone calls, stellastarr* fucking totally saved my sorry fat ass. Michael Jurin hopped into a cab and schlepped the PA amp and two massive speakers to Brian's loft. Me, dressed in a black tutu dress, helped bring the stuff up. Then we looked at pictures of naked women on Brian's computer and drank some of the PBR that Danburn had dropped off earlier as we waited for the Karaoke to get set up and the people to start arriving.

Once the Karaoke was set up, and there was about 2 people there, I busted out with some Violent Femmes. Then Laura and I sang some No Doubt. At this point -- when there was about 10 people there -- i started losing my voice. A problem that kept me from singing anymore that night, but didn't prevent me from making a few special annoucements ("we've run out of beer. who would like to donate to the beer fund? please tip your karaoke masters!") in a very rhaspy, hardly audible, voice.

Eventually the place started packing up and i was like, holy fucking shit. A bunch of my friends from growing up showed up, which was AWESOME. Evan and Jon, i've known since kindergarden, came. Noah came, just by chance, cause he heard about some cool party ... i've known him since sixth grade! Dan Marcus and Cat came, and I knew them since sixth grade also, and Marcus officially gave me the best ever gift -- a pair of die he made when we were in crafts class together in high school and a free tibet pin from when we were in the free tibet club. Hilarious! Even my friend Dan Valentino came. AMAZINGLY, Greg the boyfriend came up to me, only moments after we had made out, to tell me that he had just made out with a really cute girl. Moments later I found him MAKING OUT WITH CAT! I was so totally psyched! It was so totally fucking awesome.

Someone gave me liquid vicoden, which i didnt take, but others did. The next day i got emails from friends who had taken just a bit of it and were still stoned. Crazy! I dont know what I did take, but all i know is that I couldnt remember any of the karaoke performances, but found photographs of me today standing right by the karaoke pit.

The Aquariuses had pins made up by this guy named Lou (who brought some kids to the party whom were in, i think, Further Seems Forever, and recognized me as "the girl wearing a Muse shirt in spin" ... which prompted us talking about muse b-sides for about a half hour. yes i'm a total fucking fagdork). Lou, is an awesomely prompt pin maker and i would like to plug him now. He's got great prices on pins and his email is passingtimemerch@aol.com.
The pins said the following, and were given out as party favors:
i made out with ultragrrrl
i kissed miss modernage
danburn is my manwhore

When I handed Greg the boyfriend my pin, he read it and looked up and said "this is true! on more than one occasion!" others protested that the pin was stating false information.

Rob Sheffield and his girlfriend, Ali the Rocket Scientist, performed an incredible redition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" that literally floored people. People are like, dude, did you hear that redition? oh my god! so best!

My brother showed up, ready to party. Apparently he apologized to Brian the moment he walked into the house, just incase he did anything that was worth apologizing for. I also heard that he performed "Luck Be a Lady" and demanded that people donate to the beer fund stating "Frank wasn't sober when he sang this, and I shouldnt be either."

The cool thing about having the party be a karaoke one was that it meant CONSTANT HITS! Like, every song is sure to be awesome and sung out of key and everyone was singing along. it was so sweet and touching. Well, the photos were at least. I remember while walking around that the songs were all awesome. Sid and Buddy are awesome at being Karaoke hosts. Jesus. They're like, 2nd to none. They have a weekly gig starting up this week at 10pm at Remote Lounge in the East Village. It's so totally worth participating in.

OK, that's all that i can squeeze out of my head at the moment. I think i sort of want there to be parties like this one once a month. No guestlists! No price at the door! Enough room for everyone! and KARAOKE!

Thank you Neal! Now, neither me nor whatevs, needs to update our blogs for the day! HILARIOUS! (btw, i dont like the Fiery Furnaces or Matzoh).

Feb. 8, 2004 | If there was one good thing to come
out of Nipplegate, it's that the big media -- and I
mean you, Salon.com, thanks for the gig! -- finally
started to pay attention to the real faboo writers out
there in Netland. The moment that Tittiegate tore
open, and I mean right away, there must have been 10
thou of us slapping our keys, figgerin' out the
cultural score at halftime. It wasn't JanJax's
boobie-oobie that was the big news, or Justin
Pattycake's so very
I'm-not-gay-rip-your-clothes-off-alterna-frat dancing.
The coverage was way more important than the story.
Our instant online commentary was so haps that if you
blinked, you missed the word. Dancing Darlene and Joey
Munch Munch were the best whores out of the gate. Much
bling to them. The Day After, Nude Yorkie dot com
scorched the Earth by interviewing Hellaslut, the rad
DJ and blog bitch who started it all. By the way, I
totally sang the Stills at after-hours karaoke last
night.

We're making gossip on our own termz now.
Saggymelongate was last week. When you're a Hipster
Winchell, there's no time to go blinkers. You've got
to be watching all the time. I pronounce this The O.C.
Returns To The Air, Finally, Week. Mischa, darling,
eat some ham! Adam Brody, call me!

Jannie Jackoo is a little fraidy red hen, and CBS is
going to have a five-minute delay whether you like it
or not, Jermaine Duprude. But that's OK, because my
mind is always five minutes ahead. And who cares if
the broadcast ends at 11:30 p.m.? That's when I
usually wake up! Next weekend, I'm heading to Philly,
the city of BroLo, to see the Fabulous Ms. Laverne,
who looks just like Karen O. It's gonna kick! But
first, the Grammys. Music is all about the jiggle,
Dave Grohl, you phony Phoo Phighter. We can only pray
for another Bazongagate. I'm lookin' at you, Meg
White.
POSTED AT 7:32 P.M.

Note to Prince: Your songs are not going to work at
the Bellagio, so quit trying. You're still too black
for Vegas, baby. Is that Huey Lewis' horn section?
Must be, if Justin Timberfake likes it. Quentin
Tarantino thinks that Prince and Beyoncé together are
the bomb! Remember, QT, that some bombs can be STANKY.
I wanna see Beyoncé's right titty! It's very possible
that cultural censorship could be the new fascism. Are
you listening, VH1 producers? These are my obs, and
they are hotttt!
POSTED AT 8:06 P.M.

The Beatles suck even worse when you substitute Dave
Matthews for John Lennon. If you want danger, listen
to the mofo Kinks! For pictures of me licking Miss
Ellie and Pedro at New Wave Karaoke last night, click
here.
POSTED AT 8:19 P.M.

Grammy cameraman! Please show more close-ups of Meg. I
don't wanna see Jack. He's scary! The White Stripes
will go down as one of the greatest bands in RAWK
history. I knew it the first time I saw them at the
Magic Stick. I've archived the photos from that show.
Meg, baby. I will come to you in the dark of night
when you call for me! I dare anyone to watch that
performance -- come on, loserz, you know you're
watching -- and tell me that rock 'n' roll is dead.
MUSIC IS ALIVE IN AMERICA, PEOPLE! Like I said six
months ago on PopCultureNotes, Jack White and Andre
3000 are the true musical geniuses of our time!
POSTED AT 8:40 P.M.

Great. "Cry Me a River," only the second-best tune
ever with that title, just won an award for
Most-Overrated Song. No apologies, wuss, no apolo ...
Dammit! What occurred, Bustin Pimplesteak, was not
"intentional," and was not "regrettable." No offense
taken here. I had a stiffy that didn't go away until
the fourth quarter. Now you get a Grammy, wigga, and
we'll never get to see Janet's tatas again. Thanks a
damn lot!

Posting will be sporadic for the next 20 minutes. I'll
be taking the subway into Manhattan. Nellie
Sluttburger's having people over for a Second Half Of
The Grammys party. She's promised some Spin-The-Bottle
and Stoli Orange. You know where NellNell lives. Meet
me there, you lame-o spazz!
POSTED AT 8:54 P.M.

Madonna-Whore took a few minutes off from writing her
next kid's book, "A Childhood Garden of Chastity," to
show off her friendship with Sting, who introduced her
to her hubby, Guy Ritchie. Hey, Stinger? Can you
invite me over to yer loncheria so I can meet Nicole
Richie? She really soaks my panties.

Sean Paul? I hear better rizzeggae on a Tuesday night
in Williamsburg.

This wuz just the first nite in a HUGE year for Hilary
Duffmaster. This tyme next year, she won't just be
presenting a Grammy. She'll be winning one. But watch
your back, darlin'! I got the lowdown on Lindsey
Lohan. "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" has the
smoke and the fire. When is that freaky missy gonna be
18, anyway? Freckled and fine!
POSTED AT 9:19 P.M.

Oh, my god! Yoko Ono! That bee-yotch broke up the
Beatles. Attention VH1 Producers. I have an idea. Last
weekend, I was watching my Tivo of the Flock of
Seagulls episode of Bands Reunited. The best! My palz
Lemon Square and Love Muffin and I were tokin' and
jokin', and I said, what about a show called "Breaking
Up the Band," where the hosts spread nasty rumors and
sleep with different musicians? It'd be like
"Othello," but totally pop! Love Muffin offered to be
the host. First up: the Strokes! Woof woof!
POSTED AT 9:37 P.M.

Black Eyed Peas, lookin' fine, ask, Where Is Tha Love?
I got yer answer, right here, at the sweet-ass LES
loft of the great Ms. Nellie Sluttburger. If there's
one blogger whose hole we ALL want to plug, it's
Nellie, esp. when she breaks out the Stoli mojitos.
This woman, who coined the phrase "Brooklyn
Pole-Sniff" while perfecting the position -- in
reverse -- keeps the baddest damn Web site this side
of St. Louis. As Lori The Backstage L.A. Prostitute
says, "Nellie's not the sheezle, she's the beezle
ebeneezle!" Word.

It might have been nice if June Carter Cash had won a
Grammy when she was alive, and you can quote me on
that, Mr. Washington Post.
POSTED AT 9:51 P.M.

Oh, for the Passion Of Christ! The Best New Artist is
not Evanescence. It has got to be Stellastarr* or
Maybe Franz Ferdinand. No. Strike that. I love love
love the Fiery Furnaces more than I love matzoh. And
that's a lot.
POSTED AT 10:04 P.M.

Samuel L. Jackson tells us: Funk makes us move! Funk
makes us dance! Funk is inside the people! Yassuh! It
sho is! I likes to dance to da funk! Earth, Wind,
Fire, Outkast and Robert Randolph. Damn! George
Clinton better book P-Funk some time in Tha Cosmic
Rehearsal Studio! All we need now is La Jacka's
honkers to make the night complete.

Well, the Grammys sucked, as usual. The best music is
in the hearts of the people, natch. Whoever didn't
nominate Les Savy Fav, again, or Dizzee Rascal, for
the first time, should have their pubes shaved.

Gotta work tomorrow. Sux. If anyone out there knows of
a job, any job, in the media, preferably writing but
also editing or even publicity, email me. But I'm
gonna need the weekend of May 1-2 off. Know that in
advance. See you at Coachella, suckahs. Hey ya!
POSTED AT 11:28 P.M.

The Aquariuspotting birthday party was the fucking shit. Best party ever. Thanks everyone for helping make it so awesome. So much going on. Nobody got hurt. Nothing went bad. Everyone smiled and sang their little hearts out. I love people so fucking much. Details forthcoming, but until then, Nick's got photos on his site and a round up.

Oh, BIG THANKS goes to:
Brian Battjer for allowing all of us crazy kids to have a party at his loft and for not freaking out when the place held more people then i would've imagined who were all drunk and having fun and also for not freaking out that Pablo Escobar's wet dream exploded in his bedroom. Also, because Brian is easily the nicest human you'll ever meet in your entire life... no matter how long you live and where you live. Also, thank you for being the object of desire for all my girlfriends who were swooooooooooning by the end of the night over you.

Victoria, Brian's roommate for being awesome and letting us have a party at her home.

stellastarr* for SAVING THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY by letting us borrow their PA amp and speakers. Holyshit, that would've been one whack party otherwise. Not to mention, the band came throught on the 11th fucking hour when i called an hour before the party and said "OH MY GOD I NEED YOUR HELP!" That's fucking friendship.

I forgot to mention the most important parts of last night's activities. First off, it was Niki's birthday. She had a birthday dinner with Lizzy -- on Lizzy's floor eating Mama's no less -- and then she was kind enough to escort me to Pianos where we danced while Belvy spun some fine tooonz. Some friends from far away came to visit as well. I had only 2 or 3 drinks (I think!) and a shot of tequila and ended up not being able to move in the morning AT ALL. I came late to work because as I was heading out the door (fully clothed in my jacket, hat, scarf, etc) when the toilet started calling my name. It was like "Hey Sarah, remember those drinks you had last night and how you mixed your alcohol? Guess what, bitch, you're gonna puke... NOW." So i dropped my purse on the floor and did my business, looked in the mirror and said "You're not drinking tonight!"

I'm willing to take bets right now against that.

Niki's got a gathering of friends coming into town for the night and she's taking US to dinner! It's like a Bat Mitzvah or something! Surely the wine will be the only thing that goes with gnocci. Saturday will be evil as well I'm sure. My birthday party (well, mine and Laura's and Dan's) will be drunk. Lizzy bought me this amazing black tu-tu dress from H&M and I'm a goth ballerina now. So much total buzz. Oh, and last night I made out with Rob Holmes. He was wearing eyeliner. It seemed right.

I think that if someone from the OC says the following, I will retire this blog:
Total Buzz
No Buzz
Durst
So best

I know they said "whatevs" already, but I'm talking about non-already established lingo that could be directly linked to Whatevs. If this happens, Whatevs will be the official king and we will all have to step down from our soapboxes.

I got bumped off "The O'Reilly Factor" today. However, they might have me appear on the show on monday to discuss Grammys. Apparently Russell Simmons said something news worthy, so he's going on. Bummer. The real sad story is that I was gonna wear this Donnie Darko inspired shirt i made last night.

I also DJed at Pianos last night. I dont think i'll be DJing there again on thursday nights. I think Keribomb and Belvy are awesome and sweet as could be -- however, their other promoter, Sarah, yelled at me for playing Madonna and Psychedellic Furs... saying the songs weren't rock enough (and that there was a strict NO MADONNA rule that i wasn't aware of). I was bumped off pretty abruptly and needless to say, I don't think Sarah and I get along.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I'M COLD AND I'M ASHAMED

I've sort of become obsessed with the song "Torn" that Natalie Imbruglia sang (but didnt write). I also really like the Jessica Simpson song "With You" now, since it sounds like whomever wrote it was listening to "Torn" on repeat 1,000 times a day like i've been. I think i'm gonna learn how to play guitar so i can write a song "Torn" for Mandy Moore.

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

SPECTITULAR!

Two things first:
1. I'm gonna be on the O'Reilly Factor on Friday night talking about the Grammys. Totally fucking weird, i know!
2. I'm going to London, England next Thursday for about a week. If anyone knows of any secrets shows or fun parties that I should check out, please let me know. Here's my email address: slewitinn@spin.com

Last night was my birthday, so my family (my brother came up from DC!) took my out to Sushi Samba -- which is my favorite sushi restaurant. After about 4 sips from a mojito my mom was declaring her drunkeness. Naturally I had two drinks and was just slightly buzzed (tho i did order my parents a spicey tuna roll for no good reason). The place was so fucking noisey and at one point my mom yelled "Horay, she's finally leaving!" when the loudest girl at the table next to us got up to go to the bathroom.

Afterwards I went to Village Karaoke with Lawrence to meet up with stellastarr* for some jamming. The boyfriends -- Greg and Raphael -- joined me, and by law I can't do karaoke without Brian. Even Julie Pie came down with two people from her office who are very cute: The tragically gay Shaw, and the Jewish Fabrizio named Ben. By the way, Shaw is tragically gay because he's as gorgeous as any man you'll ever see -- but you'll never have his babies! NOOOOO!

Anyway, I sang many songs. "Hey Ya!" and "Seven Nation Army" and a New Order song with Michael ss* and at some point (ok, many points), i sang while lying on the floor. I also sang "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand a capella style until my brother stole the mic from my hand... but it was Jonny Kaps' girlfriend Heidi who fucking stole the show with her asstacular karen-o-ified version of Zeppelin songs.

By the way, it took me 10 minutes to get up on a table and start dancing. I think I had too many drinks because by the time I came home I was blabbering something vaguely incoherent to my roommate Nate who just smiled and nodded a lot.

Monday night I went to dinner with Sarah Wilson and her girlfriends. We then hit up Rob Sheffield's birthday party where I was fed one shot at midnight. Rob is awesome, i'm glad my birthday is back to back with his.

Tonight, I'm off to see Eva Cavela's band called the Drive at Don Hills. Hopefully I'll be able to catch America's Top Model AND American Idol.

Oh! And Marti Zimlin sent me a pair of fucking awesome shoes! They're mid-calf, satin, chuck taylors with a dragon stitched on the side. I'm a fucking ninja... just like my blind dog.

Two quickies:
1. I'm gonna be going to London, England next thursday for about a week. If you know of anything interesting (like secret shows, good parties, etc) that i should know about, please email me: slewitinn@spin.com.
2. I'm gonna be on The O'Reilly Factor.

Sunday, February 1, 2004

Large Screen Projections + Drunk People = Lots of Fun. You know what? No matter how old i get, making the shadow of my hand poke people on projections just never gets old. It's like, awesome. When I DJed at Pianos today for the new Vicious day-time party that Audrey and Jasper are doing, I made sure to cup the butts of every footballer I could. I think they liked it.

I started drinking today at 2pm during brunch. There's this place down the block from me called Essex and they serve unlimited mimosas for brunch and I think I had about 5 by the time i was done eating -- which was at 4. At Pianos I had about 3 more drinks -- you'd think that by some point during the day i'd be drunk like funk, but nope. Sober. Painfully sober. I think my brother was drunk tho. He sure was acting like he had one too many drinky drinks in his belly. I danced to some Madonna and boogied to the sounds of DJing by Dave from the Stills and Greg K (formerly Electro Greg). I think i'm gonna play "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond more often.

After the party I went over to Arlene's Grocery to check out Surefire. These kids are 17 and 18 years old and fucking talented as fuck. Plus, they're totally reviving the Prince Valient haircut. The boys performed about a dozen strong songs that were very power poppy -- kinda like Rooney. Oh my god, i'm so gonna write these boys a movie script like the Monkeys. They'd be awesome for that.

Oh, by the way, the half time show today was crazy fucking shit. I'm no prude -- i mean, despite the rumors going around -- but that thing was like, whoa. You know, I'm all for Justin ripping the clothes off of women, particularly when one of those women might be me, but tonight was... OH WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING? I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT AND WISHED HE TIT FUCKED JANET RIGHT ON THAT STAGE WHILE P.DIDDY STOOD AROUND TRYING TO SCRAPE UP ANY LAST BIT OF RESPECT THAT HE MIGHT HAVE AND THROWN OUT A BUNCH OF "UH UH YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, UH UH."

Jason's got a photo up already of this, but i'm gonna trump him with this one. Please look closely. It's like she's got SNE (spontanious nipple erection) and there's a star surrounding the nip that's about the size of her big areola. This, my friends, is my trump card:

About Me

Sarah Lewitinn (born February 3, 1980), also known by her nickname Ultragrrrl, is a music critic, DJ, and blogger. She gained notoriety as an assistant editor at SPIN Magazine.
In 2006, New York magazine named Lewitinn as one of "The Most Influential People in Music", citing that "she has more power than any print music critic".