It’s a cell full of hell.

Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado and Sin Cara vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari on the kick off show

Joey:

The cruiserweight division has been okay. Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann have been the most exciting stars. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari feel like the jobber unit of the division. Cedric’s team is pretty cool here. Sin Cara and Lince Dorado looked good in that tag match a few weeks ago. Good choice for a pre-show match, but I wish Swann was involved.

Interest Level: 7/10Prediction: Team Cedric wins.

Tim:

For a division that gets different ring ropes every time they wrestle and came fresh off one of the best tournaments I’ve ever seen, the Cruiserweight Division has been pretty underwhelming. Cedric Alexander is a top-tier wrestler so I’m always excited to see him do his thing. Tony Nese looks alright once every six months or so. Gulak can either be really boring or really good but he will always wear that garbage jacket to the ring, so I don’t know what to think. This should be a fun pre-show match but we’ll just have to see. There have been numerous cruiserweight matches on Raw that I would have put money on being good beforehand only to lose that money and my big ass boat.

Interest Level: 4/10Prediction: Alexander and The Lucha Cats win and then form a band.

Tom:

I made a face when I saw this match and I’m not sure why! Like, I GUESS this is why we have the cruiserweight lads, to have fun, meaningless matches with flips and Drew Gulak’s terrible jacket? I just wish we could do a little better. Also, where’s Rich Swann? People actually seem to like him.

Interest Level: 6/10Prediction: Cedric and pals win.

Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

Joey:

Dana Brooke may very well be the worst wrestler in the world but in a good way. Bayley clearly needs the win here. The Survivor Series team match will help prolong her eventual build to the WrestleMania title shot against Sasha Banks and/or Charlotte.

Interest Level: 3/10 (Sorry, Bayley.)Prediction: Bayley wins.

Tim:

I get a big kick out of watching Dana Brooke do anything but I’d rather watch Bayley wrestle anyone else on a big event. We like to have fun here but I prefer good matches to having a laugh. Heck, I like good matches that make me laugh a lot too but those don’t happen often at all. Bayley has to go over here. It has been a rough month for everyone on Raw but especially Bayley. She took a clean L from Brooke when she messed up the cheating finish and then got “boring” chants thrown at the segment she was in the next week. That is wild stuff to happen to one of the best and none of it should really fall on her shoulders. Hopefully she gets into a good feud next month. This one was a huge miscalculation.

Interest Level: 1/10Prediction: Bayley wins.

Tom:

HELL YEAH, DANA BROOKE. I wish Dana had the “I’m not like most girls” theme song, except it should be expanded to be “I’m not like most people” because I don’t think there’s anyone else on the planet like Brookesy. Almost everything she does makes me laugh and I am excited to see what she does.

P.S. Yes, I feel bad for Bayley too, but at least we get to see Dana being crazy.

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Not the N64 game.

Jack Swagger vs. Baron Corbin on the kickoff show

Joey:

Jack Swagger getting a push is the worst thing currently going on in WWE. Who in WWE likes this guy enough to keep him giving him opportunities? I will be skipping the kickoff show. Apologies to Big Breakfast.

For all the talk of how good Smackdown has been at making new stars, they’ve fucked up big time with Corbin.

Interest Level: 0/10Prediction: Baron Corbin wins.

Tim:

Baron Corbin has all of the potential to be a fun character so you would think Smackdown would be the place for him but here we are doing this. Hopefully he runs through Swagger and moves forward while Swagger disappears again. I will watch this in my wooden chair three feet away from my television with a glass of warm water as I am the last true wrestling critic and can not let myself be distracted during any grappling but I can’t say I am intrigued by this at all.

Swagger even being on a pre-show match is genuinely kind of outrageous, isn’t it? Poor old Baron Corbin.

Interest Level: 3/10Prediction: Breakfast wins the big one.

Curt Hawkins vs. TBD

Joey:

I take it back. Curt Hawkins is the worst thing in WWE.

I will change my mind and consider this genius if Hawkins becomes a jobber that spews his “facts” before taking a loss every match.

Interest Level: 0/10Prediction: Curt Hawkins wins.

Tim:

I haven’t disliked anything quite as much as I’ve disliked Curt Hawkins and his hype videos. I’m not sure who thought any of it was a good idea but I’m here to inform them that it was not. In fact, they were bad. These are bold words but I will stand behind them forever. Let me say that Curt Hawkins just isn’t very good. I would not have wasted my time bringing him back but it’s WWE/s choice and I have to deal with it. Anyway, let’s watch him get squashed by someone like Kane immediately and get it over with already.

I assume he’s fighting Kane, right? And Kane chokeslams him off the stage and we all have a good laugh? A part of me wants to give Curt Hawkins a chance but a much larger part of me wants him to go away.