I cut in line, I bled to death. When I got to you there was nothing left.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

James Gomez Exclusive

K I know I am kind of risking my neck here, but that's how much I care about you readers. The following is the transcript of the questioning of James Gomez by the police for the heinous crime of saying that he submitted a particular form when in actual fact he did not. I can't reveal my source, but she swore on my life that it's authentic and I believe her.

--Start of transcript--Day 1 (4 hours of questioning)

Investigator: Did you pretend to submit the minority candidate application form so as to discredit the completely unbiased Elections Department? JG: No, I simply forgot to submit the form. That's why I am in an opposition party. We are fallible, unlike the PAP. Investigator: Are you telling me that it was just a simple oversight on your part, that you simply forgot?JG: Yes.Investigator: I put to you that you pretended to submit the form when you actually didn't, eventhough it sounds really dumb that you didn't consider that there would be security cameras in a GOVERNMENT-OWNED building. But that's what I would expect from a third-world opposition candidate. A first world politician would have found a smarter way so that he wouldn't be incriminated. Or were you drunk at that time, because I know Indian people like to drink. JG: No it was simply an oversight on my part. Investigator: I put to you that your thief-like and dishonest actions were part of a grand conspiracy to garner votes and therefore completely the opposite of the PAP's noble and fair offer to upgrade lifts in opposition wards if they get elected. JG: No you are wrong. Investigator: Are you lying ? JG: No.Investigator: Are you lying ? JG: No.Investigator: Are you lying ? JG: No.Investigator: Are you lying ? JG: No.(this line of questioning continued for the next 3 hours and 55 minutes) Investigator: Are you lying ? JG: No.Investigator: Ok that's all for today. We might call you in for further investigations in the future. I kept you here till after midnight so that you will incur midnight charges for your cab ride home. See, this is what we do with people who submit forms improperly. You may leave.

--End of Transcript--

I'm trying to get the transcript of his second questioning as well, but it will probably be very similar to the first one.

Legal Disclaimer (so that I won't get sued or called in for questioning): The above is what is known as a satire and is not true. The police department and the government are very fair and unbias in real life, I love and respect them with all my heart and would never dare to imply otherwise.