Hell's Kitchen 7/23 Minicap: Southern Fried Idiots

Following the always-lovely Tiffany’s boot last week is Kimmie’s sobbing. Oh, Tiffany was so awesome and did so much for her and protected her and she didn’t deserve to go, unlike that horrible person Barbie! *sob* Cue much trash talking about Barbie, who, for some reason I’ve yet to see, has earned the ire of her entire remaining team. Girl just keeps to herself and cooks. For shame.

Ramsay calls in the remaining wannabes to gander at a map of the United States. Tonight, they’re cooking southern cuisine! Out pops a gospel choir, belting out a happy song. Kimmie is overjoyed. Dana, not so much. Not that she didn’t like the singing, but southern cooking isn’t her thing like it is for Kimmie. Or so Kimmie says. The chefs are paired up and go head to head with traditional southern ingredients: Brian vs. Kimmie with grits and pork chops; Christina vs. Justin with fried chicken and man ‘n cheese; Barbie vs. Clemenza with catfish and collard greens (blech, I hate collards!); and Dana vs. Robyn with meatloaf and sweet potatoes. Clemenza declares that he's never heard of collards.

The guest judge tonight is from epicurious.com, and she declares Barbie the winner over Clem’s undercooked fish (undercooked is the theme, tonight, just so you know). Kimmie and her incredible grits beat out Brian’s raw chops. Justin whips Christina and Dana beats a pouty Robyn, giving the red team the win. Dana’s recipe is declared the most awesome and will be featured on epicurious. The girls get a rather lame photo shoot and lunch at the Four Seasons while the blues get to hand churn what must be fifty pounds of butter and make a gazillion little bread rolls by hand. Of course, Clemenza pops more bread dough in his mouth than he bakes.

Dinner service, and the appetizers go well on the red side. But Kimmie burns the first batch of catfish. Brian does the same with some oysters and catfish, but is dense enough to smart off to Ramsay when he asks Brian to eat his burned fish and tell him what it tastes like. “Like fish,” snaps Brian. Aw, hell. Ramsay foams at the mouth and sends Brian out of the kitchen. Only after a pep talk from the host does Brian dare to reenter the kitchen - this time, when Chef asks him what it tastes like, he answers properly: “Like s***, Chef!” There ya go, Brian.

Robyn, with her oddly curled lower lip, sends up a plate of yummy raw chicken - twice! - and gets the whole blue team tossed. She pleads with Ramsay to let the others stay, but he’s having none of that and warns her to never tell him what to do. Out they go. Then Kimmie brings up a dish of both raw and burnt catfish, and Ramsay tosses the red team out right after the blue. He and the sous chefs finish the service lest the poor diners go home hungry. They certainly got their entertainment for the evening.

After much pouting, blaming, and smoking, Kimmie and Robyn are put on the block. As much as I’d hoped they’d both get gone, only Kimmie is booted. She’s just not ready, says Ramsay. She hands over her jacket and bitches about Barbie for her final words. And with her gone, my f-word count will surely go down.