Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Bad ideas a deux

You know what's the best time of all to make a ton of trips back and forth to your car, carrying all the junk out of your rental house that didn't fit into the category of "stuff you have to have so it gets moved right and right away" and seems to spontaneously reproduce when you're not looking?

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I would submit that the best time to do this is NOT when it's raining an inch an hour (bad idea 1) and you can't find your raincoat because you've put it in a box someplace and that box is more than likely buried beneath seven or eight OTHER boxes all of which are mislabeled, and even though you might not LIKE to wear a raincoat because they make you hot and sweaty and they smell like your Grandma's couch, it would save you from becoming soaked to the bone from all the rain that cascades from the roof right down the neck of the shirt you plan to wear to work (bad idea 2).

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How do I know this, you ask? Well, it's because this is EXACTLY what I did this morning.

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Once I made it to work the situation didn't improve much. I am freaking SHIVERING inside my still-damp shirt (and pants, mustn't forget about the pants), because I didn't bring a change of clothes and today is the day that facilities got the bright idea to turn down (up?) the A/C as a reward to all the office drones who are working up a sweat with all the chair sitting and typing, and the dampness from my shirt is turning into a frosty fog as it slooooowly evaporates. Every time I try to lean back in my chair it feels like I'm putting on a wet bathing suit on a July afternoon after having changed into "regular" clothes for lunch because Mom doesn't like people to eat in their swimwear. I cannot lean back, or that shivery cringe will grab at me and I might spill the decaf coffee I've been mainlining in an attempt to just warm up.

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Note - it's not just me. There's a woman around the corner from my office who is wearing a blanket. No lie - a blanket. In June. In North Carolina. Something is seriously wrong with this picture. I'm thinking of asking her if I can snuggle for a little while under the warmth of her blanket, because even though we might be called "Brokeback Sisters" for the next week or so, my cold damp shirt might dry out and I can forget that I'm glad I wore the steel-belted bra today that uses the force of FOAM and WIRES to create a lovely uplifted shape and hides all signs of areolar meteorology, because even though I like the bra, I do not the the nipples acting as a thermometer, which they would have if I had worn the cute lacy one without the foam-tastic figure enhancing powers of this one. So, yeah, a blanket would be nice, even a shared one.

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I did have one good idea today, which was not bothering to do anything with my hair this morning after I showered. Though, thinking about it, the shower really was unnecessary, being as how I got ANOTHER one what with all the last-ditch schlepping that went on. A cold shower. In my clothes. That I'm still wearing. In my frigid office. Under the A/C vent.

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It's time for more decaf, y'all. The break room is usually pretty warm, and I think I might turn on the toaster and rub my hands over it and mutter about haw sad it is that people don't wear shawls anymore.

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Oh, hey - I finally get all the "Napoleon Dynamite" jokes the cool kids are telling. I saw the movie last night, at long last. Why, oh why, did I wait so long?