Thursday, October 2, 2008

Excuse me, you're in my hoola-hoop space.

It's been a week and a half since I've last blogged.Remember when I used to blog allllll the time!?I used to write blogs in my head and MAKE myself wait at least a day to post them.

You know why I haven't been blogging much?

Because I am no longer the sole proprietor of my body.Others own parts of me now. They're called my children.

Going from 1 child for 6 years to 3 children overnight did a number on my 'alone time'.And by that I mean: eradicated it.

No, going to the bathroom doesn't count because EVEN THEN I have someones brown eyes staring back at me.

Am I complaining?No.Am I slightly claustrophobic now?Yes.

I don't have that many pictures of me with my girls because I tend to be the one TAKING the pictures (hint hint, husband).It’s almost always at least Katie, but more often than not I've usually got at least 2 on me at all times.

While watching the VP debate tonight I had Yolanta in my lap, Amy on one side of me, and Katie on the other side of me. Katie couldn't seem to get any closer than smashed up against me and asked me if she could sit on top of my head.ON TOP OF MY HEAD.

I said no.

While reading stories to my girls, they will caress my arms or feet or whatever part of my skin then can touch. Sometimes right down the front of my shirt. Yeah. Are you starting to get the idea here?

While getting dressed, I have many little hands and fingers threading my belt through the loops for me. Fastening my bra. Helping me put my foot in my shoe! I’m not kidding.

I can hear Mrs. Hannigan from Annie singing “Little girls, little girls, everywhere I turn I can see them…"

My Haitian babies are probably starved for loving physical contact so I lavish them with it. And Amy is probably feeling a little territorial so she makes sure to lay claim to some part of my body often. (Side note: Yolanta is more reserved about showing physical affection in public. Sometimes I wonder if it’s an embarrassment thing or a secret message she might be trying to send me. I dunno.)

It's just another one of those adjustment things that I couldn't really and truly prepare for until I was all of a sudden living it. And here I am, all of a sudden, living the realization that my body is no longer my own. At least not during the hours of 8am-9pm.

I'm sure it won't always be like this. In fact, I KNOW it won't always be like this. They'll start to feel more secure in our love and not be so needful of my touch.At which point I'm sure I will probably bawl.

8 comments:

....I often find myself going to the bathroom and not latching the door behind me. I am not LOOKING for someone to join me, I don't know why I wouldn't close it. Probably have just become accustom to the need to find me at any given moment. I guess I figure I have many years of quiet privacy when no one will want to join me for a conversation in that room :-( I guess we should just enjoy it while it is there....

The bawling part, I'm sure it'll come. It always does...when you wean them, when they stop holding your leg in the kitchen- taking every step with you, when they grow up a little more. And in the meantime...I feel your pain. Hands in my shirt? Always. Wanting to sit on my head or on the back of the couch behind me? Everyday. After all, there ARE only two sides of my body when I'm sitting down (and the boys are getting a bit big for the laps.) So what do we do?

In your case, I'm so proud for these girls, that they get a mommy to hold and snuggle. Lucky, lucky girls. I'm going to make a blog just for you, today.

When I was little I would often ask to go to the restroom during dinnertime... maybe I was trying to escape the food, don't remember.

Now, I find myself feeling the urge (teehee) to excuse myself at dinnertime for a different reason, "Quick, everyone's busy, go to the restroom, read a magazine!" But more likely than not a small 2 year old will find me asking, "Read a book?".

I'm so glad that you are surrounded by such lovey little people right now, and I'm also glad for you that you have at least one night a week that you can go just be you.

I have to laugh at the lack of personal space. Going from 2 kids to 4 kids overnight really cut into my alone time as well. My littlest Haitian (now 4) LOVES to pet me...like a dog or cat. Since I am short, it usually ends up being the chest area she can reach..lovely in the public venue!Enjoy!LeAnne