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The Wizard Of Damn Cheap Hotels

The real art and science of correctly pricing damn cheap hotels to sell and trying to make a little profit at the same time has to do with carefully managing the demand and supply curve for each participating hotel on a real-time basis. Sure, we utilize the same fancy computer algorithms that help us to evaluate seasonal trending and historical data and occupancy forecasting, but when push comes to shove and a hotel really needs to fill rooms FAST we often get communications directly to our Inventory Manager.

Because We Can’t Tell You His Real Name

Internally, We Just Refer to Him as The “Wizard”. And he seems to have adopted the character well. Try to speak with the Wizard and his executive assistant will open a tiny door, actually in his office door, and screen your request for the Wizard. The Wizard is really what generates the meager commissions (when possible) from the hotel providers and keeps this division a profit center rather than a not-for-profit. That’s why when his EA opens the tiny door and says “the Wizard cannot see you now, come back later”, we know that while she is in character, it also means that he is really busy “behind the curtain” trying to fill one or more customer’s order using all the damn cheap tools and levers he has available to cut prices and fill rooms fast.

Unedited Pleadings To The Wizard of Damn Cheap Hotels

Here are some of the real unedited urgent pleadings to our Wizard that we received by email or harvested from our voicemail; “sell these tonight and we’ll give you some comp rooms for your damn cheap team to use anytime”, “book these empty rooms for us, PLEASE”, “the construction at the corner is killing our traffic but we’re right downtown in a prime location! please help us move the entire month of August up to 75% off our August price schedule, and the slow moving dogs by the elevator, just get these booked at any price”, “we just had a wedding fall apart and we’re sitting at 55% occupancy for the weekend and 62% for the following week, please help me save what’s left of my managers’ bonus and blow out these rooms damn cheap, I’ll owe you guys a damn cheap dinner at the hotel if you pull it off”, “The new Marriott Garden Hotel recently opened across the street and they’re killing us. We are going to mark down to under our cost schedule by 15% (email me the rates for final approval), we’re not going anywhere, this is our market and we can make it with a smaller margin then they can, the price war is on.”

And then there's these; “The GM [General Manager] says we're running a special of 75% discount on all 230 newly remodeled rooms. Wants to reward our regular guests and show off the new room upgrades and 60” flat screen TV’s. He wants them all booked by next week, will go to 80 off rack rate or even 85% if necessary, just make it happen for us. You guys at Damn Cheap Hotels always come through for us…”. And finally “…just want to plant a flag in my little town to be known for the best value rooms and best hotel experience. We’re being squeezed by the big chains and as hotel owner operators, this is our living and we don’t want to lose the place. Please help us to evaluate our competition and build a damn cheap hotel room pricing model that keeps us full and preserves a historic landmark for all to enjoy”.

The Wizard helped out all those folks, some we made a few bucks on, others we just helped them to get the word of their damn cheap hotel deals out to you, all in a days work.

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