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Friday, March 27, 2009

Hetero-normativity

Hetero-normative paradigm. For such a nice-sounding phrase, the concept it represents makes me want to puke.

Hetero-normativity is the belief that there is a certain norm for gender identity and sexuality, namely, people with penises identify as men and are attracted to people with vaginas, which identify as women and are attracted to the aforementioned penis-havers. Anything that deviates from that norm is treated as either an abomination, non-existent, or an immoral, conscious choice to destroy society. Hyperbole, but not by much.

Of course, refusing to believe in people that don't conform to the paradigm is a position completely divorced from reality, which could only be held by those whose age is expressed in single digits. (Then again, flat-eathers, geocentrists and creationists still exist, so I should know reality is not always held in as great an esteem as it should be). Homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, bigenderism, androgyny, and intersex conditions completely demolish this position. Some of those are more accepted than others (a rant for another time), but most human beings with a working brain acknowledge at least one. The problem lies more commonly on the other two reactions to norm-breakers.

Treating us like we are making a choice in having an unusual body, gender identity or sexuality also goes completely against the evidence and logic, but somewhat less conspicuously so. Homosexuality , for example, has been shown to have genetic and hormonal causes, but this is the kind of information homophobes (and most other people, for that matter) don't have or ignore when presented. Why someone would choose to be part of one of the most hated minorities in the world is beyond me, but in the minds of certain people, people have absolute control over their sexuality and they just wake up one day and say: "Hey, I totally feel like fucking someone with my same genitals today". (Apparently everyone is bisexual in this fantasy world of theirs. If only...) And of course, trans people just feel like acting as the other sex because they are freaky perverts.

And then there's the ones that consider us an aberration, some perversion of the natural order of the universe. They are the ones that tell us "Sure, you were born like that, but it's still wrong. It's a disease to be cured or be perpetually ashamed of, not another lifestyle." They are the ones that send their gay children to "homosexual reform" programmes. They are the ones that say that transsexuals are despicable for trying to live as what their minds tell them they are, instead of what they have (or not) in their chest and crotch. Screw what you truly are, live like the rest of us or be a fucking pariah.

There is a lot of overlap between the three positions I described above, obviously. It's not unusual for people to deny the existence of bigenderism, while saying that lesbians choose to be that way and the intersex were born deformed and should hide it forever. Whatever the breed of retard people happen to belong to, they have one big thing in common:

They never come around to telling you the reason what we are is wrong. Or at least any good reason. I've heard appeals to the natural order of things, but what do you base this idea of a natural order on? What feels "right"? Whatever absurd deity you happen to believe in? (incidentally, if you happen to be a Christian, I'd recommend reading Galatians 3:28) That's bullshit, plain and simple. It's my personal life. How I live it affects me, and those that choose to be a part of it. Nobody else. If you don't like same-sex marriage, then by all means don't have one. Hell, go as far as cutting all ties with those that do, odds are you won't be missed. But don't force other people to live like you want to. Don't create discriminatory laws that forbid them from marrying who they love. If you are not comfortable with transgenderism, then guess what? Nobody is asking you to cut off your dick. Nobody asked you to start wearing a skirt. What they ask you is to let them live their lives as they see fit.

I happen to be lucky enough that my particular disruption of this perceived order is something I can easily conceal. I know full well that when I tell them, people will think I'm merely confused or wanting to be special or some other retarded crap, and while I don't like that, I can deal with it. I'd rather be able to live my life fully as I see fit than hide part my personality, but I'll survive. Others are not so lucky. Others are not a middle point like myself, but fully to the other side. And when they live as themselves, they are insulted, attacked, vilified, for something that harms nobody.

This is an open challenge. Anyone who can show me why hetero-normativity is better than recognising that physical sex, sexuality, and gender identity are a continuum and every point of it is equally valid, speak up. Tell me why transfolk should live by their birth gender, why same-sex marriage should be illegal, why we should cut off the genitals of the intersex to make them "normal". If you can't, then kindly fuck off and let people live their lives.