We should not worship the Gods. I will tell you something that they dont teach you in any church. The Gods envy us. They envy us because of our mortality. They know that at any instant it could be over for us. Life is just so much more beautiful when you know someday its going to end. - achilles

3rd day of OSS and it really fucking sucks. I can't wait to go back to school on Friday. Because then I get to go up to Ishpeming and see mah lovahh. I also get to see my friends, in which I haven't seen in ages. It seems that way anyways. I didn't go up to Ishpeming once last weekend so this weekend I'm most likely going up there Friday and then Saturday I'm sleeping somewhere. Maybe the boyfriends, Maybe Dannys, Maybe Amandas,Hannahs,Tors,Veronicas...who knows. All I know is I'm sleeping there :) haha. Well Im going to go. I have to wait for Jo* n see if shes comin over or not.

I haven't updated my journal in ages it seems like. But my boyfriend and I are doing amazingly well. It'll be our two month on the thirteenth. Oooh I love him..

I want that boy. The one every girl dreams of. I want the boy that'll love me for just being me. I want the boy that'll kiss my forehad & wipe my tears away. I want the guy that'll hold me tight & make me feel like im all that matters. I want that boy that'll remember my favorite color & my favorite ice cream. The guy that'll hold my hand even in front of his friends. I want walks on the beach & to dance with no music playing. I want to look in his eyes & see all the reasons why i love him. I want kisses in the pouring rain & cute notes shoved in my locker. I want cute little suprises. I want him to slip his arm around my waist. I want to know that he loves me for everything i am & everything im not. He'll laugh when i get frustrated & he wont be afraid to argue with me. We'll tease each other, play fight & he'll always let me win. I'll be his & he'll be mine. I already have that. I dont need to want it.12.13.05 I love you baby

Things I am thankful for.. well that would be just about everything. I guess Ill start though. I am so very thankful for god in the first place giving me the breath of life. I am thankful for all of the challenges god had put me through just to make me stronger. I thank god for all of the great feelings that he's givin me. I am thankful for my family first and foremost. My family is the cornerstone for everything. It is my support and I dont know what I Could do without them. Im thankful for my friends because without them my life wouldnt be fun. I am thankful for Kayla, Jared, Justin, Nick, Matt, Aspen, Sage, Megan, Ruby, Kyla, Jessi, Devon, Mike, and Becca. I dont know what I would have turned out to be like w//out those kids. I will love them until the day that I die. Shoutout to Natti J and Billi Joe. Best friends.. Always! You can't replace friends like Jo Jo and Natti. They have been there for me since day one. When I first got into highschool, they were there, when I got my heart broken.. They were there.. When My Mom Died.. They were there.. They are always there. No matter how long its been since we've talked.. I know I can just call those two up and they will talk to me or do whatever it is for me that I need. You cant ever replace friends like that. I dont think I could have ever been the person I am today w//out them. I am thankful for food, cigarettes, money,music,clothes.. I am thankful for lots of things.. I am thankful for the way that I have turned out. I am thankful for the great school that we go to. Granted it DOES suck sometimes. But we have a school that actually cares about what we do in our future. Idkk. I am thankful. Period.

I havent updated this thing in like forever, but thats because no one reads it so whats the point? Lol. Anyways. New boyfriend, New life. New friends..new lots of things. I like my life right now. Theres lots of family problems in the crew of friends I have but I know that will all get worked out one way or another. plus the fact that no one messes with the crew, and if you fuck up somethin in the crew..yah better sleep with one eye open ;) Jk.

Jared gregory ostrenga- I dont know if you ever read this but I just want you to know that I'll love you forever, and a day. Your such a great kid && being with you has made me realize yet a few more things about life. your one more person that makes me open my eyes to a new reality..

ive been thinking and heres what ive come to conclude. somtimes the distance is more than two people can use. but how could i have known boy, it was that time and place you would leave, darling tonight you could hold me and you could know but would you believe. theres a light in your eyes, i used to see, theres a place in your heart where i used to be, was it wrong to assume you were waiting for me..theres a light in your eyes..did you leave that light burning for me?

calls and phonecalls and photographs..pictures of you. constant reminder of all the things you get used to ..is there a chance in hell or heaven, that theres somthing right here that still belongs or do u just pick up the pieces after they fall..but after all..theres a light in your eyes..

When the visions around you,Bring tears to your eyesAnd all that surround you,Are secrets and liesI'll be your strength,I'll give you hope,Keeping your faith when it's goneThe one you should call,Was standing here all along..

And I will takeYou in my armsAnd hold you right where you belongTill the day my life is throughThis I promise youThis I promise you

I've loved you forever,In lifetimes beforeAnd I promise you never...Will you hurt anymoreI give you my wordI give you my heart (give you my heart)This is a battle we've wonAnd with this vow,Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)Each loving day (each loving day)I know this feeling won't go away (no..)Till the day my life is throughThis I promise you..This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)When I hear you callWithout you in my life babyI just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)You in my armsAnd hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)Till the day my life is throughThis I promise you baby

Just close your eyes Each loving day (each loving day)I know this feeling won't go away (no..)Every word I say is trueThis I promise you

Every word I say is trueThis I promise youOoh, I promise you...

..this is exactly where i want to be in my life.. i can't believe im so blessed by god to have such a great guy, great friends, a great mother watching over me, great angels watching over me (beth,andrew,ecklid,burchy,toni,aaron..everyone rip) just..a great overall everything..thank you god. you've blessed me .. so much