Sometimes, crime doesn't have a car. Or a motorcycle. Or a scooter. Or a horse. Or a subway token. Or a bus schedule. Or a ride from a friend. Sometimes crime is on foot, and also unarmed. And maybe kind of slow and fat.

Now is the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword will release the power of the Quickening. This will activate the Hastening, which is the linchpin event for the Trampling. We will then be met with the Stumbling, which, as is written, will set off the Tinkeling. Then, nothing can save us from the Labeling, which will initiate the start of the Unfastening.

This long-prophesized chain of events will be collectively known as The Embarrassing.

The guy who plays Shrek seems to have made it his life's mission to deliver each line in the worst way possible. Perhaps someone could have corrected him, but no one bothered because being in a Shrek musical means you have officially given up.

Even if Doctor Who were the worst thing ever made in any medium ever, it would at least be ridiculous enough to be worth waxing rhapsodic about. Whereas Smith's stuff isn't even bad in an interesting way. It's just bland and whiny. You are giving him too much credit by wasting your precious internet rage on him, when EVEN NOW Frank Miller is probably writing another screenplay and only we can stop him.

None of them are particularly good, though, nor particularly bad. They're straightforward comedies with lots of cursing, distinguished only be some recurring characters and shoehorned-in Star Wars jokes.

They're really not worth getting so worked up about either way, but don't let me stop you.