At any organization, the person who holds the title "communications director" does not possess the most glamorous of jobs. His or her days are spent writing bland electronic newsletters that will be ignored by almost everyone who receives them, desperately trying to get more "likes" for their organization's Facebook page, and updating a website that nobody ever reads. One brave communications director, the Chicago Fire's Dan Lobring, seems to have grown weary of spending his days in a less-than-fulfilling career.

Here's the first section of an editorial that Lobring posted on the team's official website last night:

I have a confession to make. I’m a new Chicago Fire fan, having been hired to oversee communications for the club just six months ago. But according to some folks, I was also a “shitty hire.” The only professional experience (“zero soccer experience”) I have is “promoting a video game” and I do “not belong leading the Communications department.”

Additionally, I also “need to shave.” To be fair, that one is true, but my wife thinks I look weird totally clean shaven. To be fairer, all of the other statements might also be true, but I would like the opportunity to prove how shitty I am first. To be fairest of all, maybe I already have proven it six months into the job.

But I’m more interested in learning what made me a shitty hire on day one? What brought about the warm reception from a vocal few as I was introduced as a new member of the “Fire family?” My best guess is that because I work for an owner who is supposedly “cheap,” “doesn’t care,” and only sees the team as a “toy.” Or maybe it’s because I’m joining a front office staff that just “doesn’t get it” or only makes “bad decisions.”

Really? Yikes.

What I'd really like to know is who all of these people lobbing criticisms at an MLS team's communications director are. What kind of terrible person even gives a shit about who mans a soccer team's communications department, let alone takes the time to say mean things about him? These people are awful and should leave Dan alone. He clearly does not take criticism very well.

Poor Dan goes on to pen another 1,000 overwrought words about how disappointed he is at the fans' recent behavior and the lack of support they have been showing the team. Reading it is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. To wit:

Our integrity within this Club actually matters to us. For me personally and others on the staff, this is our livelihood. Failure isn’t an option. Why would we choose to work together on building this Club with anyone who takes a stand that prevents progress, espouses negativity and is just downright not truthful, inhibiting us from doing our jobs to the best of our ability? Or worse, make attending a game for a supporter a fearful experience?

Once Dan was finished writing, I assume he drank a fifth of scotch while watching his liberal arts degree burn in a trashcan. Fuck the haters, Dan.