The government is now accepting bids for the border wall. Here’s ours.

Neta came across a Pre-solicitation Synopsis Notice for a “Design-Bid-Build” Contract for a border wall in the Rio Grande Valley. We decided that as border residents and experts of our community, we would take matters into our own hands and submit our own proposal.

A pre-solicitation notice is basically a heads-up notice that the government will soon start receiving bids for a contract. According to the notice for the border wall, the estimated solicitation date-the date the government will begin accepting contract bids-is on or about February 25, 2018, “contingent on FY 2018 funding.” Proposals are anticipated to be due approximately “30 days from the issuance of the solicitation.” A contract is anticipated to be awarded as early as May 6.

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According to the notice, the “estimated contract value is between $25,000,000 and $100,000,000 million.”

Neta is a bilingual multimedia platform based in the Rio Grande Valley along the Texas-Mexico border, working to amplify the voices of border residents. Although we are not usually in the business of submitting bidding contracts, we know that you are likely to receive a number of ludicrous proposals for a border wall along our home that, simply put, are just not worth your time or your money or rather our time and our taxpayer money.

At the border, we know life is about flexibility and options so we’ve decided to get ahead of the game and to give you a handful of contract options. Without a doubt, all of these will probably be among the most sensible proposals that you will receive.

They are as follows:

1. For $25,000,000, a much smaller cost than the destruction of local environmental habitats and endangered wildlife, we will build The Wall— around President Trump. It will be a huge seven feet tall, easily disassembled and put back together, and best of all portable. It will be the very best wall that anyone has ever seen. He can take it with him everywhere he goes, whether it’s his home in the White House or his Mar-a-Lago resort in West Palm Beach.

3. For $100,000,000 upfront and an additional $100,000,000 down the road (listen, the Hidalgo Wall took $174,000,000 so let’s be real here), we are confident that alongside community members, we can raise the $500,000,000 needed to send Trump, Pence, and five others on a one-way ticket to space. Through a community engagement project, we will vote for other potential candidates to fill up the five seats to be sent to space.

4. For $80,000,000, still a tiny fraction of the $18 billion and more you have spent on “border security,” detentions, deportations, and lawsuit settlements on thousands of Border Patrol abuse cases, we will invest in our underserved school districts and build much needed new schools, build local quality hospitals so that our residents are not forced to cross immigration checkpoints for life-saving medical treatment, and create along the way thousands of (morally acceptable, i.e not Border Patrol) jobs for our systemically underserved, underemployed, and impoverished communities.

Whichever plan you choose, you have our guarantee that (at no additional cost to you), our communities will resist and fight you every step of the way. They will do so in honor of the lives lost and families torn apart by the external agendas of border militarization, surveillance, and deportations that you have forced on us.

Neta greatly distinguishes itself from the many other companies and groups that will be submitting proposals to you. You may not know this, but Neta is Mexican slang for “Truth. No BS.” So we mean this.