Cars We Remember: Annoying Drivers Hall of Fame

Monday

We’re going to have a little fun this week as I present the “Annoying Drivers Hall of Fame” for 2018.

It seems that with the advent of more and more social media opportunities to take your mind off your driving, the list is expanding each and every year.

The time has come to expose these drivers for who they are and for everyone to see.

Here we go.

Mergin’ Minerva: We all know Minerva, especially on the on-ramps that lead to expressways across America. Minerva is always the driver who comes to a stop when it’s time to merge into traffic, regardless of the situation. Minerva doesn’t care if she has 1,100 feet of merging lane to use straight ahead and blend into the traffic. She’s on the brake instead of the throttle and she’s never merged properly in her life. When her car comes to a complete stop, she has to wait several minutes while traffic backs up behind her to make sure her little hybrid vehicle finds a long enough break to get up to 65 mph. At last check, she’s still sitting there waiting because her car goes zero to 60 in 12 seconds and it’s rush hour.

Dentin’ Dennis: One of the true “darlings” of car owners (and insurance companies), Dennis is the one who invariably squeezes his ¾ Ton truck between two cars at the store parking lot. He then swings open the door, dinging the new Ford Edge sitting on his left. Things get worse, too, as his kids take after dad and inflict more dents into the neighboring Chevy Impala on the right. Think it’s over? Heck no, when they are finished shopping, the Dentin’ Dennis family inflicts more pain, this time on two new vehicles.

Stoppin’ Stan: Stan’s the driver who stops his car in the middle of the street and leaves it there to block oncoming traffic. He disappears even though there are three or four parking spaces immediately accessible maybe 100 feet ahead. He might be at his girlfriend’s house, at the market or running into the post office “for just a bit.” There’s no one to yell at since no one is in the car. Stan won’t learn until his very nice collectable 1970 Chevy Nova SS is rammed from behind and pushed on to the curb by a passing soda distributor truck.

Talkin’ Tommy: A cousin to Stan, Tommy stops to engage in conversation with a friend driver who is traveling in the opposite direction. She and her friend have now tied up traffic in both directions while they chat about nothing in particular. Very popular on the “courteous driver” hit list.

Blinkin’ Bob: Bob has yet to realize that his turn signals can make life tough for drivers who are oncoming or traveling behind. Regardless of the situation, Bob’s blinkers are always on, but when he should use them, they’re off. He’s a real favorite.

All-Clear Clara: It’s Friday at 4:45 p.m. and Clara is sitting at a stop sign at a busy intersection. She refuses to move even though other drivers could have driven a tractor trailer safely into the stream of traffic. Clara is waiting for an “all-clear” situation, much to the chagrin of even the most patient of motorists.

Passin’ Paul: Well, almost that is. Paul is driving on the freeway in the left hand passing lane. He pulls alongside your slower vehicle and then brain fade kicks in. Paul just stays along side of your car at 60 mph. He then forces you to get on the brakes as a slower moving motorhome pulling a compact Nissan Versa (that was a good quarter-mile ahead of you before Paul arrived) is now directly in front of you. Thanks Paul.

Daydreaming Daisy: Daisy doesn’t understand that the ice forming on her windshield is a good indicator of the road and driving conditions outside. She continues to drive at 50 mph while listening to the radio and/or talking to her passengers. She finally gets the message after doing a complete 360-spin and ends up in a ditch. Luckily this time, Daisy and her friends escape unscathed.

Textin’ Terry: New to our Hall of Fame list is one of the most dangerous on the highway, as Terry will text regardless of driving situation. More accidents each year are caused by people like Terry, who have to take their eyes off the road to text back and forth with her friends. Terry is just asking for a really bad accident and she can take both her and your life in an accident.

Cell Phone Phil: Phil’s on his phone the minute he starts his car until he arrives at wherever he’s going. He has no modern Bluetooth or Smartphone hands free options, so he continues along his merry way more concerned with his phone in his ear than to what’s going on along the highways. Almost as dangerous as Terry, thankfully more and more states are making cell phone usage illegal on the highways. And even with hands free modern cell usage, it’s still not the best idea as your mind is not on driving.

I’m sure you have a driver to add to this list, and I’ll take your suggestions through April 30 and comprise a list of the best reader supplied annoying drivers. In ending, I don’t recommend any road-rage incidents as we just have to do our best when confronted with these drivers. (And please be a little extra patient with the senior citizen drivers please).

— Greg Zyla writes weekly for More Content Now and other Gatehouse Media publications.

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