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Archive for January, 2011

She was pacing around. The room was narrow, with a wide beam of light coming through the only window carefully camouflaged to be a part of the ceiling and unvarnished timber floor. She was barefoot.

Her mind was rushing from one temple to another, blood throbbing through the veins as if about to boil over and spill onto the floor though every pore of her body. She was different now. Everything was different now.

“Everything… Everything… Everything… ” She paced faster, with each step becoming more and more conscious of how she steps, where her weight distribution lies.

“Daddy, if you can see me… if you can see me at all…” She muttered, head down, as if counting steps. Rigid, heavy steps. She talked to him a lot. Even if he is dead. Has been dead. For years. For longer than she cared to admit. She still talked to him. She knew his energy was around. His aura. His presence. His physical state may be gone, rotted away with the little timber box that contained his ashes and was buried deep down. He was still with her. Even if she can’t see him.

“Everything has changed. It was true. It was all true. “

She stopped suddenly, lifting her head, her fair hair stuck to her face, glued with sweat in some random pattern that only morning frost is capable of.

“But now… now that I know… now that I know what I know is true, that it all exists…”, she touched the little amber pendant hanging around her neck on a silver thread, “Now that I know who I really am…”

Her mind was carefully picking up pieces of her memory and placing them neatly next to what was the new understanding, a completely different feeling, but somehow still familiar. In her head, she was trying to superimpose her new knowledge with the common theories, various hypothesises she learnt in lectures (the ones that she attended), books that she read growing up. There was more to reality than she knew before and it didn’t have to do with maturity or wisdom or getting older, it was to do with something new, something different, something that she was now a part of. That Something bothered her and refused to leave her, perhaps that Something has chained itself to her ankle and dragged itself with her everywhere she went, reminding her that things have changed, that everything is now not like what it appeared before…

“Nothing is what it is…. No-one is what it seems…” was imprinted on the inside of her eyelids, reminding her each time that she needs more. More knowledge, more information, more clues…. then she will be able to figure out what that Something is and decide what to do with it.

“It’s time, come on, look at the horrible mess that you are!”, she said to herself, wiping the sweat mixed with tears off her face. She then ran her fingers through her long fair hair, quickly and carelessly, trying to make herself look neat. She didn’t want any questions asked, for she was not in the mood to come up with answers and she has already exceeded her weekly dose of rudeness towards those around her.

She ran down the stairs, jumping over the last three steps and landing with a loud “thud” .