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Does asexuality exist?

I know this is going to be a highly charged subject so I want to preface it by saying this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them. There is dissension on this subjects amongst psychologists as well. I would love to hear your thoughts.

According to Psychology Today, sexologists/psychologists fall into two groups, either believing asexuality exists or attributing this to a low libido or HSDD (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder). One researcher identified a few characteristics that someone who is asexual may portray. These include more women than men are asexual, low self-esteem, lower socioeconomic status, poorer health, anxiety, highly religious, or depression. He contends that some asexual people may masturbate, but not fantasize. They may enjoy hugging and kissing. Some asexual people city they enjoy and/or need control and distancing themselves with sex from their partner avoids the necessity to become vulnerable. Many asexual persons had been sexually active as a teenager and/or young person, but not when they were older.

For these reasons above and the fact that I know people to be sexual beings lead me to decide (for myself) that I do not believe asexual people are truly asexual. I understand the usual arguments and I realize that persons whom identify themselves as asexual do not feel anxiety from “missing out.” However, since the people who identify themselves this way have underlying symptoms, I must think that there are hundreds of hormone imbalances that can occur in our bodies. I know that depression and anxiety, along with the medications used to treat these disorders, can have side effects including a lowered libido. I also know that when a person does not have sex over time the urgency to have sex again diminishes. Can you imagine how diminished you might feel after not having sex for a year? Five? Ten? Sexual trauma is no doubt a huge factor here. Many people who have been abused or attacked when they were younger may have blocked memories. Perhaps this is a portion of persons whom identify themselves as asexual. We know that more women than men have been sexually attacked. It would stand to reason that is why more women than men identify themselves as asexual.

Thoughts?

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My name is Anna Levenson. I have a wonderful husband of almost 15 years and we have three children, David (22), Kristin (20), and Gavin (11). And my 22 year old is about to make me a grandmother! Although, I insist on being called Bubbe (Yiddush for grandma), because I'm not old enough to be a grandma! lol I went back to school after I had my first two children and completed a BPS at University of Memphis for Sociology and Health Science. During this time, I was a dancer, an exotic dancer. I was able to obtain my degree, work the hours I needed to work, raise my children, and revel in my sexual power. A mother with sexual power! Yeah! I met my husband, online playing card games, 3000 miles away, when I was in my last year of my bachelor degree. We married and had a son. He broke my pelvis when I had him and
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14 thoughts on “Does asexuality exist?”

I had traumatic sexual events happen in my childhood and I often wonder and think that maybe that has played a huge factor into who I have become today. But I still identify as asexual. There are many different ways to break a bone but… in the end it’s still broken. I don’t see why you think Asexual wouldn’t be a real thing just because it might not come from a fairy waving a wand over our heads at birth and making us asexual. Don’t worry. This article didn’t offend me. And if anything I’ve said has come off hateful or mean spirited… it wasn’t intentional lol. I just like a good debate.

No! I love to a good debate! Thank you for your comment. I say that because asexuality means without sexuality. I believe people are sexual beings. Like you said, you had trauma in your young life and it could have easily affected your feelings now. I’m glad you weren’t offended!

I am wondering if you actually know the definition of asexuality. Asexuality is, quite simply, the lack of sexual attraction. You seem to have missed this point. I would like to walk through your post and point out a few things.

1. “One researcher identified a few characteristics that someone who is asexual may portray. These include more women than men are asexual, low self-esteem, lower socioeconomic status, poorer health, anxiety, highly religious, or depression”

Research as of now is so limited in scope that any conclusions such as these cannot be expected to be representative of the asexual community. Asexuality is also relatively invisible as an orientation, and many asexuals do not realize that is what they are until later in life. Asexuals can often feel broken because they do not recognize that there isn’t anything wrong with them. The world we live in promotes a lifestyle where everyone should have as much sex as possible, and that sex is necessary for a meaningful relationship. These feelings can cause anxiety and depression, and low self-esteem, not the other way around.

2. “Many asexual persons had been sexually active as a teenager and/or young person, but not when they were older”

Being asexual does not mean that an individual does not have sex. Some individuals will have sex for the physical sensation or to please a partner. Some people, before realizing that they are asexual, will have sex because that is what society tells them they are supposed to do.

3. “the people who identify themselves this way have underlying symptoms”

What symptoms? The “characteristics” listed by you unidentified researcher?

4. “there are hundreds of hormone imbalances that can occur in our bodies. I know that depression and anxiety, along with the medications used to treat these disorders, can have side effects including a lowered libido”
There is nothing to suggest that hormone imbalances have anything to do with asexuality. Asexuality also has nothing to do with libido. Someone with a low to non-existent sex-drive is called a non-libidoist. Asexuality deals only with sexual attraction.

5. “Sexual trauma is no doubt a huge factor here. Many people who have been abused or attacked when they were younger may have blocked memories”
There are asexuals who have been abused or faced trauma, but not everyone. Making a generalization like this is overstepping.

It seems that your post comes from a place of ignorance and misinformation. You make a lot of assumptions. Everyone is different, and every asexual has a different experience. I am asexual and meet none of your listed “characteristics” or assumptions. Asexuality is an orientation, same as heterosexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality, etc. There are a lot of misconceptions and you seem to have hit every one.
• Asexuality is not an abstinence pledge. (Although there may be abstinent aces.)
• Asexuality is not a synonym for celibacy. (There are celibate aces and promiscuous aces and aces everywhere in between.)
• Asexuality is not a disorder. (Although there may be aces with physical or mental conditions.)
• Asexuality is not a choice. (Although not every ace is “born that way”.)
• Asexuality is not a hormone imbalance. (Although there may be aces with hormone issues.)
• Asexuality is not a fear of sex or relationships. (Although there may be aces who are afraid of or otherwise dislike sex or relationships.)

I don’t want to get in an argument with you, but asexuality exists whether you believe in it or not. Saying that it doesn’t exist invalidates a lot of people’s identities. If you respond to this comment, I would request that you do a bit of research. Here are a few links to get you started:https://asexuality.org

It depends upon how you define it for sure. I have been out of the game so to speak for years. For a ton of reasons. Most of which have to do with effort and “life” getting in the way. Though the desire is still there at times it is so much diminished and I am so much more selective than in my youth – herpes and the clap during grad school woke me up. So I do not know which factors in the most. Honestly though while I am not against going back to it in the future it hardly defines me like it used to.

This is what I would characterize as a low libido……… a VERY low libido but it is there. The desire is diminished and the longer you go, the more diminished it will become. I do not consider this asexuality. Some do. Thanks for your thoughtful response!

I’ve always wondered if I was asexual or just had a low libido. I’ve had bouts of serious depression all my life, from kindergarten up to now (53), and 15 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar. The meds have taken a low libido and wiped it out. I have no interest at all anymore. My wife also takes psych meds and is in the same position, but we are very affectionate in other ways.

Psych meds are famous for wiping out libido, and if you already had a low one, well there is goes!! Obviously, I personally believe asexuality is a seriously low libido opposed to an actual distinction. Thank you for your thoughts! 🙂 (P.S. there are ways to counteract low libido from medication. I’d be happy to talk to you about that privately sometime if you wish)

I’ve tried 3 famous and heavily advertised products for ED (but that’s only the physical part of the problem, it doesn’t speak to the actual libido itself) but they did nothing. Maybe because the desire really wasn’t there. I’ve tried (and still take, it works well for depression) an antidepressant that they told me was “activating”, no help. I’ve never heard of any other meds to help, but it doesn’t really matter, because I’m quite happy with my life as it is…