Is it better to ask for forgiveness rather than to ask permission?

Translation : I’ll do what I want regardless of consequences and then try to fix it later.

There are people working for you or with you right now that are doing exactly what they want when they want and their attitude is “well if he doesn’t like it he can tell me so”.

For those of you that are comfortable with this statement consider this:

Sure it takes a lot more courage to deal with things up front, and yeah sometimes we don’t get what we want, but in my eyes it’s the most respectful way to treat others.

Some of you come from, or are working in a dysfunctional workplace and have adapted beliefs like do or die, dog eat dog” cover my butt. So it’s understandable that you’ve incorporated some less than resourceful long term strategies along the way… they’re working for you short term. I suppose sometimes we just have to do whatever it takes to get by (even if our integrity is the compromise) …right?

If that’s the case I guess the only thing left to ask ourselves is “but does it feel good”? Does it feel good to work in an environment where you believe you have to access the low end of your integrity ladder just to survive?

Where I come from if it feels bad we stop doing it. This means bad thoughts – stop them, bad habits – stop etc. Somehow we’ve just got to find a way to put ourselves in a situation where we can feel good.

This starts by believing that it is possible to change our reality.

Let’s face it before you were where you are, you were somewhere else. So you know that somewhere else exists, now you just have to choose it.

On the other hand.

Leaders when you have people working for you that are operating from the forgiveness instead of permission model, and you don’t like it; it is an indication that you haven’t been clear with them about your expectations. Or you haven’t set up consequences that will motivate them into doing what you need them to do.

It’s time to start writing down some of the poop they’ve been dishing out…make certain you keep your emotions out of it and just write down the observable behaviours.

Next step is you’ve got to say something about it. For crying out loud just tell them what you want. So many people, so many words and usually they’re talking about what they don’t want and what they don’t like.

It’s time we all start talking in what I want. I mean universal laws tell us what we focus on expands…so unless you want all that stuff you don’t want to keep coming it’s time to change it up.

There is a really good chance they don’t even know what you want (how many times have you heard “but I didn’t know”)

Truthfully how could they know? They do what they want to do, you don’t like it, you say nothing and then you’re not happy and somehow this is their fault? Doesn’t make sense does it? We do this with our children too!

When getting people to modify their behaviour you can follow these 3 easy steps

1. State the observable behaviour

2. Tell them what you’d like to see instead

3. Follow up to ensure that they have made the changes

Step 3. often times serves as more than adequate “consequences” I mean who the heck wants to keep ending up in the boss’s office. If it’s your children you’re dealing with, I promise you the last place they want to be is in front of your disappointment in them.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong, so if that’s the case like I always say just keep what’s working for you.

How do you know if it’s working?

Ask yourself does it feel good? do I feel good? And if you just can’t tell because you’ve been doing it so long, have a look round your life.

Are you indulging in self destructive behaviours (alcohol, smoking, drugs, lack of sleep, over eating, not dealing with stress, no exercise, no quiet time), unless numb is the goal I would say that’s a pretty good indicator that well maybe we’re not feeling as good about ourselves as we want to believe.

Let me know what you think just press the comments button at the bottom, it will take you to another page where you can see other comments, and then add yours at the bottom.

Jackey Backman is the co-founder of One Spirit Inc. and One Spirit NLP Training. She helps both company's and individuals make the most of their most valuable resource. Their Human Resource! She is know for bringing out the absolute in in human. A candid yet compassionate international trainer, and author Jackey has delivered inspiring and life enhancing presentations to more than 30,000 people word wide on topics including Leadership, Self Development and Spiritual Growth.