Whine #1 – I’m experiencing pure hell right now. Well … I alternate between thinking my life is fabulous and thinking it’s gone straight to hell on any given day – check back tomorrow and I might feel differently. The problem? I have so many different things pulling me in so many different directions – it’s ridiculously overwhelming. I have so many things to do, in fact, that I have ZERO business taking the time to complain about it.

Whine #2 – I’ve been weighing myself every day and I weigh the SAME THING each and every day. 192.0. Every day. I started this crap because Jon suggested that I average my weight instead of getting pissed once a week. Now? I’m pissed EVERY DAY.

I’ve already forgotten what I was going to bitch about – Did I mention my life is going to straight to hell because I have too many things to do/think about?

Anyway.

This new eating behavior I’ve practiced and reinforced and implemented over the past year or so is apparently serious business. I had a couple days this week with nothing decent to eat or pack (lack of time to grocery shop) and I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I am 100% unwilling to cave – unless it’s planned and appropriate (defined by me) like the weekend stuff – so I didn’t. I know I’m a crazy creature of habit, but I honestly felt surprised at how extremely antsy I was over a lack of fruit and eggs. I’ve spent so much time learning to be prepared food-wise that I was a little freaked when I wasn’t.

Kinda weird.

I went to the grocery store and fixed it, so today was ok. Breakfast was yogurt/fruit/walnuts – had no time for anything else. Took it with me in the car.

I packed my lunch at some crazy early time – have I mentioned that I HATE that it’s dark all the damn time now? If not, I HATE IT. I packed a salad that = spinach, feta, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots. I didn’t use a dressing/oil of any kind since the feta is so strong.

And I cut up an apple.

And I took the sausage/pepper leftovers from last night.

I came home from work, rushed around – unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry, swept the kitchen and cooked dinner at the same time – all so I could rush to a writing workshop. A writing workshop where I’m sure I’d get SCREAMED AT for my …. all the …. time … and my USE of capitalization and weirdness and otherwise blatant disregard for proper grammar. (I am usually a freak about writing rules – except here, obviously. Have to have somewhere to rebel, I guess?)

I rushed to get there, got there, walked about 2 minutes from my car and promptly decided to f it and went back home. The problem? It was POURING. My jeans were soaked up to my knees, everything in my backpack was getting soaked – and I had an umbrella. It just wasn’t worth it. I was tired, tired of feeling rushed, not motivated and just generally feeling like I couldn’t take one more second of bullshit. Spending two hours sitting around in wet clothes and shoes discussing some writing guidelines? Not happening.

I’m hungry again (3 hours later), but I’m not eating a damn thing. I’ve had enough today. I am DETERMINED to end this plateau BS. I worked out with the trainer yesterday and will again Friday – will have pilates tomorrow night. It’s the food. And the lack of cardio. Something has to change/happen – SOON.