Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sleep. We, as humans, will sleep for roughly one third of our lifetimes. That means, on average, you will sleep away about 25 of your 75 years on the earth. That is a lot of time spent ‘recharging the batteries’. Why, you may ask, am I telling you this?

Well, I am not a good sleeper. I am in deep sleep-debt. My circadian clock is completely broken. I have no rhythm - sleep rhythm that is (and come to think of it, I don’t think I have any rhythm of any kind. I wonder if rhythm of all kinds is interconnected? Based upon a very small sample size, I believe they are connected. My wife has great rhythm and is a great dancer; and she sleeps so incredibly well.)

So, yes, I have an inordinate amount of time to think about sleeping while I am not, in fact, sleeping!

When I married Briana, I was shocked and little scared about how deeply she slept. In the middle of the night, while not sleeping, I would watch her sleep. You know because I was young and in love and that’s what people do who don’t sleep. She would sleep on her back with her arms folded across her abdomen like, well, you know, like a corpse. Her breathing seemed very shallow. In fact, a few times, I actually shook her awake because I was terrified that she had actually stopped breathing! I quickly found out that Briana was special. A special sleeper. She could sleep like the dead. I literally mean like the dead. It was an incredible ordeal just to wake her up in the morning. And still is. Alarm clocks mean nothing to her. Useless. Going to bed early? Nope, still sleeping late.

All Briana has to do is think about sleeping and she’s out. Really, all she needs to be off her feet and she’s out. She has fallen asleep on her knees. Hanging off her bed. Legs on and torso off. Everything but upside down and that’s only because she hasn’t tried it yet. A story I like to tell to tease her about this sleeping proclivity is as follows:

Briana and I were getting ready to drive from Utah to California to see her family while we were dating/engaged. She told me how excited she was to have 10 hours alone to talk and share everything about one another. As soon as we got in the car, she was fast asleep. We stopped in Mesquite, NV for gas where she woke up, ate, and promptly fell back to sleep. That was the most solitary 10 hour drive I have ever experienced!

I also enjoy when Briana is talking to me and she falls asleep. Did you get that? She is talking to me and falls asleep. In mid-word! “Honey, thanks for empty...” and she’s out! Classic.

It’s actually a family thing. The whole Dix family can sleep anywhere, anytime. I loved having family Sunday lunch/dinner at Briana’s parents house, because directly after the meal, everyone would retire to the huge sofa, stake a spot and pass out immediately. (Vanessa being the exception!) So comical! And I was so jealous.

I, on the other hand, must have perfectly ideal conditions to sleep. It can’t be too hot or too cold. The pillow must be a certain thickness. I must be in a certain position - exactly the correct position. Briana cannot be touching me. And it must be completely quiet. Or else, I am done. No sleep. Any sound wakes me up. (This has come in handy as a dad, I can hear when the kids are trying to sneak out their rooms.) And when I do manage to fall asleep, it is usually only for 30-60 minutes at a time before something wakes me. And then the process starts all over again. Temperature check. Pillow check. Positional check. Noise check. Ok go...or not.

Growing up, I slept in a room down the a hallway from my brother. When he woke up and opened the door to his room, I woke up. That was my alarm. A soft creak down the hall. That’s all it took.

With my disease, I have added a dimension to my difficult sleeping situation. Pain has been added. Sweet.

I chase sleep like some elusive pursuit of truth. I’m constantly looking for the magic trick. Counting sheep does not help. I’ve taken some herbal remedies without success. I refuse to take habit-forming helps. I’ve tried to ‘empty’ my mind - which should be easy, it’s pretty empty already - and found that I cannot NOT think. That double negative has led to proof positive that I am sleep deprived.

As is most often the case, I tend to look at the bright side of things. I can’t sleep. What do I do? Read. I love to read. And this allows me to read more than I could without this inability to sleep, so I am grateful to have something that allows me to pursue a hobby I thoroughly enjoy.

To recap.

Briana sleeps like the dead, and can fall asleep at any given moment.

I, on the other hand, can’t sleep for anything. But that allows me to enjoy one of my favorite hobbies - reading. It’s a win-win.

I am 44 and a mother to a quirky little 7 year old, Lily. She is my only child, and my whole world. When Lily was just 3 1/2 months old, I was diagnosed with mesothelioma; a type of cancer that kills most people within 2 years. As I’m sure you can imagine, the first thing that came to mind when I was diagnosed was my baby girl and how I wasn’t going to be able to watch her grow up.

After intense treatment and recovery, I’m still here 7 years later and cancer free! My journey with cancer was a terrifying one and I'd like to turn my pain into purpose and become someone that other people can look to for guidance, inspiration, and hope in situations like my own. My husband and I recently participated in a short video about my experience with cancer. I’m hoping to use this video as a tool to raise awareness of this horrible little known cancer that is such a deadly killer (and sadly, 100% preventable).

i have been accused my whole life of wearing rose colored glassesand seeing life very optimisticallyi have no intention of ever taking them offthere was no option other than living through thisi was going to beat it no matter whatthere is more hope now than there ever wasso don't give updon't take a death sentence is a diagnosisthere is hope

mike would always tease me that even though he would give me the same advice, i wouldn’t believe it fully until it came from my daddy

amazingly their advice seemed to always coincide

i married a very wise man

being completely separated from my daddy physically has caused such heaviness upon my soul, a longing, a yearning i have never experienced

and yet knowing that he lives on has brought the greatest clarity of existence that i could not have discovered any other way

to live each day knowing that there is someone you love so deeply that continues to live on passed this earthly death

to know and feel it with every fiber of your being

that he lives

brings a life of overwhelming peace even in the midst of your sorrow and longing

that reassurance also comes when i can feel him near

when i can hear as if from his own mouth

words of encouragement

when i can close my eyes and see his face

and hear his laughter

yet there are those moments when the separation seems unbearable and so unfairand so lengthywhen i'd rather just have him there beside me instead of peace from afarwhen i think of what he has missed already in a year, what he will miss in my future and the lives of my children when i think i just can't make a decision not knowing his advicewhen i miss his silly dance, his falling asleep mid conversation on the sofa, his squinty eyed laugh, his shortness with uncooperative collapsable chairs, the way he held my children on his shoulder, his rush hour phone callsoh how do i live without all of thatwhat if i forget what his voice sounds likewhat if my children forget how they used to play with papa and how much he loved themwhat if i get used to him being gonewhat if i stop talking to him out loud as if he can hear me

this man spoke of how even though his father had passed away more than ten years ago,

“i can still hear his voice, sense his love, enjoy his encouragement, and feel his acceptance”

this is what i want to experience

his voice, his love, his encouragement, his acceptance

always

thank you dear friends for your continued support throughout this year

i have grown closer to so many of you through your deeds of kindness, words of encouragement, and expressions of prayer

as one of my daddy's favorite quote says

thank you for helping to meet the needs of my family this year

i pray that i may be the hands of heaven to you in return

to read more about my daddy and his battle with bone marrow cancer as well as my trudge through grief and living without him click hereto read what i have learned on how to help your children through the loss of a loved one click here

Friday, July 26, 2013

mike and i took a leap of faith and sent me to dallas for the Nerium national convention this past weekendloaded up with 45 bracelets that i planned to sell there to pay for my trip

i packed up my only business clothes that i hadthrew in some high heels that i rarely wear but love any reason tosoon after mike came home from the store with his ‘dad’s alone with the kids’ food pyramid{i could seriously hear my children’s arteries clogging}i kissed my kiddos and hubby goodbye

i worried about leaving all the kids with mikeknowing his limitationsbut i also knew of his incredible parenting skills and prayed all would be wellfor weeks he has had the kids on a summer schedulepacked with morning preparation, scripture memorization, flashcard review, reading, snacktime, and physical fitnessno joke, this dad is a father of championswith me taking the reins of providing for the family morehe has taken the lead on achieving some incredible things i have attempted to do with the kids for yearswhy is it that kids just seem to respond better to dad than mom{read his side of our weekend here. packed with awesomeness and gross-outs}

i am not afraid to travel by myself but i still get nervous about logistical stuff like missing my flight and finding the right shuttle to the right terminalthe difference is that i only have myself to worry about instead of 5 other peoplein san diego i parked my car in a park n ride place and hopped onto the shuttlein a panic i looked for my phone only to discover i had left in my carugh. i had to ask the shuttle driver to turn aroundthankfully he was kind about it saying that this has happened before, mainly with womeni jumped out and found my phone on the driver’s seatquickly returned to the shuttlejumped inonly to realized that i didn’t lock my carawwi jumped back out and literally ran back to my car in my heelslocked it and headed backan eventful start to my tripthankfully i’m really good at laughing at myself

i love airports they give me a rush knowing i’m heading somewherei love to travel and married someone with the same loveif we could have it our way, we’d travel the world with our kidsand of course sometimes without themi studied humanities in collegeand am fascinated by the way others view the world and the beauty they create to capture their perspective and philosophies

i love airplanesi began flying by myself when i was about ten
my grandpa was a pilotwhich enabled me to fly fairly inexpensively to go visit him and my grandma in park city, utahmy second home growing upi love the thrill of taking offthat rush of sound and velocityand being up above the clouds is so peaceful and causes for great reflection as you look down on the world belowjust in case i was close to heaven i looked for daddy;)

during my two and a half hour flight i decided to take that time and blogby hand writing on papersomething i haven’t done in a long timethe words seemed to flow naturally with the movement of my hand

from the moment i stepped on that shuttle after i arrived i was greeted by incredibly friendly peopleall headed the same place for the same reasonto make their lives and the lives of others betteryou can see it on their faces, you could hear it in their words, you could feel it in their embrace and greetingthe culture of this company is so unique and i tell you it changes you

the first night i stayed up til two chatting with some of the leaders in the companypeople i knew the faces well having seen them on videos and on stageit was rather intimidating at first, but their conversations put me at easeand then guess what, something marvelous happened i slept in til 10what??!!i was in disbelief i could stop right there and the trip would have been worth it

as i was waiting for the conference to begin along with the other 10,000 people that were therei was greeted by a text from mike sending me a card Tate wrote to Eyan from Eyan’s ‘girlfriend’

Eyan was not thrilledi think its hilariousyou can see Eyan's scribble attempt to change this to be from Tate's girlfriend

throughout the three day conference i received a variety of texts from mike like this:‘i’m so glad that you are there’‘we’re out of wipes!!!!!’‘you’re the best.’‘i cannot tell you how proud i am of you... you are being incredible in going out trying to help us become financially independent and build something incredible.’‘did you lay out clothes for felicity...she may or may not be in the same dress she was in when you left’‘you’re the best. and i’m so glad you have been there. everything went real smooth here. but i’m ready to have you home!!!’

i am the luckiest woman in the world to have a husband who feeds into me like thatalways building me up, always demonstrating confidence in me, always doing his best to be an incredible fatherhow can i be anything but successful when i have a constant influx of optimism and love coming my way

those three and a half days were packed with continually feeding from those around memy husbandmy teamstrangersmy leaders

heaven smiled upon me in placing me in a team of people who care about me and my familyjimmy is one of the leaders of our team and his continual inspiration played a large part in being able to hurdle over those initial months of self-doubthe had encouraged me to make those 45 bracelets to sellreassuring me that they would sell and he would help me to do itone of the mornings we set up shop outside of the vast convention ballroom

i was overcome with gratitude as jimmy and his parents directed crowds of ladies over to my braceletscalling out ‘have you heard about the Nerium bracelets...this is the girl’to some people he happily shared my storya mom with an ailing husband and four young childrenworking hard doing whatever she can to provide for her familystrangers came and hugged me, cheered me on, and bought my braceletsone by onetears of gratitude streamed down my facethis feeling of support and love from this culture continuedwhen jimmy handed me three one hundred dollar billsi couldn’t believe what i was holdingi don’t know what he said, but he had shared my story with one of the ladies in corporateshe gave him the money to give to me from the companyi raced over to her and threw my arms around herthanking her through tears for this generous giftshe told me it was from the companyto help pay for my trip and to go home to take care of my husbandshe said, ‘this is what we do, we take care of our family. and if you ever need anything else, please let me know.’i couldn’t believe what i had just experiencedtruly an affirmation of the company’s mission to make people betterand to create a culture of loving, caring, sharing

beside witnessing two major announcements for the companythat of the new daycream which supercharges the night cream for 24 hour anti-aging Nerium powerand the doubling of our commission structure with a builder bonus programi learned so much about how to make small changes in my life to be betterbetter equipped to take care of my family and be a better version of me

favorite takeaways from the conference:

the more perspectives you see at the same time, the more success you can havehow are you looking at the world around you?the words we use create a reality

we must seek to construct and change our view of reality through a more positive lenswe are used to looking at this photo and asking if we see it half empty or half full

we need to construct a new reality and what our brain focuses onthat those questions of half-empty or half-full don’t applya better question to ask is where is the pitchershawn achor ‘before happiness: the 5 hidden keys to achieving success, spreading happiness, and sustaining positive change’

your adversity is your advantageyour past has developed muscles not woundsits not what you know, its what you do with what you know that mattersam i doing what i know?you are the compound effect of the choices you’ve made up to this momentsuccess is not a result of heroic deeds or quantum leapssuccess is a result of small, seemingly insignificant moment to moment choicesyou will suffer one of two pains..the pains of discipline or the pain of regret...james rohnthe pain of discipline weighs ounces, the pain of regret weighs tonsdarren hardy ‘the compound effect’

know who you are, where you’re going, and how you’re going to get therepeople want to make a differenceturn people from a receiver to a transmitter and you can start changing people’s livespeople join this company for the product and the comp planthey stay to make people betteri’m in the making people better businesswe are looking for people who fearlessly believe in the missionwilling to give up something to make it happenwilling to do the thing that you said you committed to long after the mood has leftwilling to build your dreamswilling of being accused of being drivento succeed you must be willing to show up consistently over a long period of time, with desire and faith, willing to pay the price and do it with integrityjeff olson ‘the slight edge’ ceo and founder of nerium

its not stepping on God’s toes to dream bigimagination is given by Godyou can imagine, it separates us form the rest of God’s creatureslearn to manage choice and the gift of imaginationwe are commanded to multiply stuff{see the parable of the talents}multiplying what i’ve got is what i’m expected to doit is natural human instinct to ask ‘when can i rest?’you can rest with the abundance of achievementwe must give ourselves permission to failhowever we have to learn to lose without being defeateddavid byrd, ‘the next level achievement system’

as you can see i was indeed richly fedready to come home and be a better mother, wife, friend, teammate, and persontruly this experience has been a blessing from a loving Heavenly Fatherwho continues to tell me that i can do thisi can be successful at providing for my familyand he will continue to put tools and people in my path to accomplish that

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

What happens when your spouse is away?Until recently, I have been the one away on business trips.I have enjoyed the reinvigorating professional company, the motivational talks, the expanding of my business acumen, and helping to build something bigger than myself.And, of course, I’ve had a lot of fun while away.Now, because of my disability, my wife is the one off to business conventions.(You can’t travel often if you’re going to fall down in airports, which is what I did recently in the Salt Lake City airport. Right on my face!)

So what does this look from the other side? From the stay-at-home-office Dad perspective. That was what happened this past week. What an adventure -- and you know what? I really enjoyed it!

First, when preparing to take care of four young children during a spouse’s absence, the first key to success is preparation. For example, taking four young children to the grocery store is not a pleasant experience. I would put it up there with walking across hot coals. So, when I knew Briana was leaving us for a Wednesday through late Saturday night excursion with Nerium, the first thing I did was sit down and make a list of food to make it through that period without the need to load the kids into the van and walk across hot grocery store coals.

As a father, I feel it is my duty to carry on the time honored tradition of feeding children all of the basics while mom is away. Basics like Cheetos, Cap’n Crunch Berries, Oreos, Sour Patch Kids, Fudge Stripes, soda, chips, microwaveable dinners such as chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and other important items from the Dad’s Alone with the Kids Food Pyramid.

Dad's Alone with the Kids Food Pyramid

"Crunch Berry Pie"-as nutritious as pie

[Side Note: I loved Shasta as a kid growing up. When my family went on family trips, Shasta was our constant companion. Shasta always hit the spot when you needed to quench your thirst. So, naturally, I jumped at the chance to introduce my kids to the wonderful world of Shasta this weekend. I purchased some Shasta “California Dreamin’” “Tiki Punch” and “Zazz” for my kids to really enjoy their childhood as I did. And it worked. They loved it. But. Fast forward a couple of decades plus for me and as an adult Shasta is...well...Shasta is gross. The Tiki Punch tasted like medicine and the Zazz tasted like I don’t know what, but it wasn’t good. The California Dreaming was tolerable. Yes, I tasted all three for the sake of this post.]

Second, ensure your children have a strict schedule of activities and work to keep them busy throughout the day. I equipped my kids with the Summer Bridge Activities series of books based on their upcoming grade level, relevant flashcards, created some personal projects based upon their age, summer reading books, and a physical fitness regimen. These tasks were executed throughout the day and allowed their brains to get smarter, their bodies to get fitter, and Dad’s work got done.

physical fitness regimen

Third, be ready to play games and have fun! Because I work from home, my day was tied up in my office, but after the ‘office’ closed it was go time. Or as Felicity says, “Let’s do this!” Phase 10 is a popular game for us, as it allows all but Felicity to participate (and she “helps” me play). And time with dad wouldn't be complete without some serious tv fun. Our list of favorites include Wipeout (lots of re-runs), American Ninja Warrior, and Treehouse Masters

The weekend was success. No one threw up. No one woke up in the middle of the night crying. No one asked those awkward “Go-Ask-Your-Mother” questions.

Were there challenges? Absolutely.

I don’t know how to dress girls. Bathing little people is physically challenging for me. I knew we were going to have a problem. So, I wanted to be prepared. I had a plan. I asked Briana to set out some clothing/outfits that I could dress Felicity in each day. But...she didn’t have time before she left to do this for me and/or she forgot.

So...Felicity became one of the guys. I mean boys can wear the same shorts and shirt for a couple of days and not be worse for the wear and showering is optional except on Sunday (I do strictly enforce the change of underwear by making them show me each morning the new pair), but girls are supposed to be pretty and bathed and coiffed and stuff. Well, it was sort of like camping for Felicity.

She may have worn the same dress the whole time Briana was gone - day and night. That might have happened. And I might have given her a bath with wipes. And she might have used the aforementioned dress as a giant tissue for her runny nose. And it might have had a lot of little bits of food stuck to it. And her hair might’ve been sticky. And...well I better stop before Briana freaks out.

day one

day two

day three

day four

Also.

As a guy, I have always refused to make my bed. It seems like such a waste. I’m just gonna climb right back into it in a few short hours (ok maybe 16 hours). And I know it’s a terrible argument...what about brushing your teeth you say? The teeth are just gonna get dirty again...and what about showering...Listen, I get it. But for some reason, I just don’t like making my bed.

Well, I applied this faulty logic to the house for the weekend. Why clean up their toys every night when they are just gonna get them out again in the morning? I decided that we were just gonna let it ride! Saturday is chore day anyway and Briana will be back late Saturday night, so we’ll do a big cleaning then and nobody will know the difference. And you know what? I was right. By Saturday everything was sparkling! Bam!

Nerium will be my vehicle to not only provide for the basic needs of our family but to achieve our dreamsand i will bring along as many family and friends who want to comeit may not be for youbut take just a few brief minutes and look at two thingsdecide for yourselfand let me know what you thinkfirstmy results

Monday, July 22, 2013

self-sabotage and barbed wire fences is where i left off in my last postthat is not the end of the storymy dreams that i shared with you of having a sustainable blog are still in full forcemike and i have been working behind the scenes on this for over a yearour new name, our new goals, and our new design and content being drafted and refinedand i look forward to sharing them with youbut what came into my world just three months ago has been something that has forced me to address those self-sabotaging thoughts and barbed wire fences i had been filling my mind withconvincing myself that i was not good enough, experienced enough, worthy enough to be able to provide for my familybeing successful was just not in the cards for mejust look at our past struggles and the destiny of our future would be toldfinancial struggle was something that would always be aroundespecially if it was me that was leading the way in providing for the family

ugh. those thoughts are awfulheavy and paralyzinganyone would believe those thoughts if they were the only ones they had told themselvesthankfully they were not the only thoughts occupying my mind nor were they words that i heard from those who care about me mostbriana, you can do thisbriana, you have been blessed with abilities that can benefit othersbriana, you have a husband to take care of and children to provide forbriana, your future is as bright as your faith

in my mind i entertained both streams of thoughtsand unfortunately i couldn’t quiet the negative ones long enough to believe the positive onesthree months ago i packed my bags and flew out to las vegas with skepticism as my carry onthat weekend i learned that i had liquid hope in my possessionand joined a company whose goal is to make people better