1. You might want to start your story differently. You might like putting, 'I never imagined I'd have a crush on Lily Evans' or 'I've got a crush on Lily Evans. Call me crazy, but I do,' or something like that.

2. "Hey, Evans," James said when he'd reached her.

She glanced up and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Potter…"

"So, I was wondering…" One hand flew to the back of his head and he rubbed at his nose with the other—Sirius was practically falling down with laughter. "I was wondering if you want to go out with me sometime."

I realized I was holding my breath and quickly let it out. No need to get worked up over this; there's no way she'll say yes, I told myself.

"You're asking me out?" she asked, and it looked as though she was restraining a laugh.

I thought this was probably a good sign, but she hadn't flatly rejected him, either.

James actually rolled his eyes at her. "Well, duh."

Even though I wanted her to turn him down, I felt a pang of embarrassment for my friend.

"But you're always making fun of me," she pointed out.

"Well… yeah," James said, nervously fidgeting with his wand, twirling it between his fingers.

"But now you're asking me out."

I suggest that you put when James calls to Lily that she replies, "What is it Potter?"

3. You might want to get a beta. Other than that, you are completly fine!

- shabdabdingdong

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I was struggling with how to begin this story, so thanks for the advice! I'll work on it :)

I might get a beta someday... it's probably a good idea :P Thanks again for the review, it's greatly appreciated!

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad:) Still laughing is a good sign;) Thanks for reading and reviewing:) I'm also really glad you liked it, I just love that feeling when someone likes something that you did:)
-Arya

That was funny! Awesome this is soo cute! Gr8 job!
10/10 Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much to one of my most loyal reviewers! :3 The next chapter is already written and should be in the queue without too much of a delay. And then there's another sort of project coming up that I think you'll like, too, so I hope you get the chance to check that out once it's up! Thank you very much for your consistently lovely reviews!