Sasha Answers: Should I tell my best friend I love her?

I think I’m in love with my best friend. The problem is, she’s straight. I think I’m gay. I’ve never been with a girl before, and I’ve found other girls drop dead gorgeous, but never really wanted to be intimate with any of them. I have a boyfriend, but it’s new, and we’re not that serious about each other. I like him, but I’m not in love with him.

My best friend and I have been friends since elementary school. We are now in high school. We’re really close, and have always spent a lot of time together. She’s gorgeous, smart, and really sweet and always thoughtful. I’ve always loved her, but I’ve been wanting more over the last two years. I’m scared to death to tell her, because I don’t want to scare her away or ruin our friendship. I don’t think I can survive losing her. I know it sounds dramatic, but she’s really the only person in my life who has always been there when I needed her. At the same time it’s really hurting to keep it all inside. I don’t know what to do. T

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Before I go on any further I need you to know how awesome you are for writing this all down and pressing send. This must be a really confusing and overwhelming time, but what’s exciting is that this is the first of many steps to figuring out who you are and what you want.

I know that you’re all swept up in these feelings of love for your best friend, and I know all you want to do is to let her in on them, but T, it’s just not the right time to share those particular emotions. That’s not to say that you have anything to hide or be ashamed of AT ALL, but before you start figuring out where you stand with her, I think it’s way more important to find out where you stand with yourself.

That said though, I do think it’s crucial for you to find someone you trust to talk about your sexuality. So instead of telling your best friend that you’re in love with her, I think you should start accepting the fact that you might just be gay. And if you haven’t already I’d suggest going to the It Gets Better page - they’re a great resource for information and support.

Now T, I don’t want to undermine your feelings, but when you’re a teenager every feeling you have about something or someone is intensified by a million. I’m not saying you don’t love your best friend, but sometimes we fall in love with the best thing around us because we don’t know what else is out there. I just don’t want you to get stuck on the idea of this one girl because right now T, you’re just at the first stages of coming out. More importantly, being so young and knowing that relationships rarely last long at that time….wouldn't you rather preserve your friendship? Forever?

So I really want you to take this time to understand, accept, and value your own identity because as my one and only Dean has said before about the LGBT community: "We're like a f-cking rainbow and you should celebrate the sh-t out of us." And T, I want you to get to the point where you can embrace the hell out of that statement.