Friday, July 31, 2009

When I had my 8 week appointment last week he told me that the next 10 lbs that I lost would probably take about four weeks. My weight that day was 211. I had a biiiiiiiiiiiig problem with this, because I had set a goal to be below 200 lbs by August 1st. He had already told me that at 8 weeks out I was actually at the loss he'd expect for a 12 weeker, so that was great. But f'real, don't tell me that I'm suddenly going to STOP FREAKIN' LOSING.

So yeah...I've been working out pretty much every day this week. And because I commit the ultimate WLS sin every day and WEIGH MYSELF EVERY DAY....I was at 198.8 yesterday morning. Today I'm at 197.

Dr. G...you can bite me.

(I updated my weight on OH, so the ticker should have updated, but for some reason it's not.)

Sorry I haven't been around much. The kids have been keeping me busy, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on with Bethany's Jr. High. I still haven't heard anything about when the back to school night is, and she's getting really anxious. No supply lists posted...nuttin'. They're supposed to start in just over two weeks!!!

I'm also kind of worried about my dog. She's had this lump on her abdomen for years, and a vet told us it was a hernia. But she's lost a lot of weight recently, and I just realized a few days ago that the lump is getting bigger. It used to be the size of my thumb from the top knuckle to the tip, now it's the size of a large egg. The wierd thing is that she's acting healthier and happier than she has in forever. She's constantly on her back, wiggling around on the floor, lots of happy growling. She's nuts! LOL We've had her since the night before Matt was born, and she treats Matt like he's her puppy. She sleeps in his room every night. We'll all be devastated if there's something wrong.

We're also getting ready to head up to Branson at the end of August to meet Brian's parents for the weekend. They're bringing down dad's big ol' boat, and renting a 3 bedroom condo. I just need to get myself a new bathing suit (I think the four I've got would all fall off of me now!) and save up some gas money to get up there and back. Not the best timing for it, since we need to buy school supplies and at least a few things for school clothes.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The striped shirt ones are early last week or maybe the week before...I wish I had downloaded them when we took them. I believe I was about 45 pounds down at the time. The dress was last night, we got dolled up and went to a wedding, only to end up the best dressed people at the ER. (Long gross story for another post.) I was feelin' really good about myself last night. 52 pounds down.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Today is the 11th anniversary of my brother's death. He was 18 years old.

I still get so angry at him for dying so young. We found out the day that he died that his ex was pregnant with his kid. He never told us. My nephew will never know his dad, my kids will never know their uncle. His death essentially destroyed the remainder of my family.

I never got to know him as an adult. We didn't get along as kids...at all. The last time I saw him I had just turned 22, he was 17, and it was Christmas. Brian, Bethany and I flew home to be with my family for the holiday. That was the last time my family has ever been all together on a holiday. Getting to know him over those few days...he's somebody I would have wanted to know.

Some years his anniversary just passes by unnoticed. I remember it, but it doesn't bother me as much. This year it's like a slap in the face. I've been dreading today for over a week now. I think it's because back in February my mom told me some details about the crash that I had never known. It's fresh all over again. I woke up this morning from a dream about him. He's been on my mind all day. I can't put into the right words for my kids why I'm in such a mood today, even though I'm trying to be in a decent mood. I'm impatient with my husband, and I'm sorry for it. Everything is just raw today, no matter how hard I try to mask it.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Brian and I went out on a date last night, and the entire night was faaaabulous.

I couldn't find the jeans I usually wear when I ride on the back of the bike, so I grabbed another pair of Levi's (I'm finally BACK IN LEVI'S!!!) out of my closet. Held them up and thought there was no way in hell they were going to fit. They looked so like 12's or smaller that I had to check the label. Huh. They say 16. Got them on and they fit beautifully. And they barely muffin topped. Woo-hoo! I put on a pink & black camisole that I haven't been able to wear since I bought it 5 years ago...and it fit beautifully, too. More woo-hoo!!! I looked in the mirror and actually LIKED what I saw. And when I put on my ho-boots...well, that just completed it. RAWR, if I do say so myself. (Ho-boots: Black suede knee high boots, stiletto heels. Brian lurves 'em.) I wore a gray ballet wrap just so I wouldn't be completely sleveless on the bike, since I won't let Brian buy me a jacket until I'm below 200.

Got to the theater and realized that when I had my heel hooked on the peg it rested on the pipe, so my stiletto heel melted a bit. Meh, nothing a black magic marker won't fix. LOL

After the movie we went & had coffee...first caffiene I'd had since before surgery. PINGY!!!! I wasn't ready to go home yet, so we decided to ride down to Norman and see if there were any bars that had live bands playing. Got down there, and while we were at a light on Campus Corner a car with two young guys in it stopped next to us. The driver looked me up & down, gave a little wave, and turned to say something to his friend. Friend looked out the window, and did the same thing, with a very obvious wave. Brian was completely obvlivious. LOL Now, they were probably mocking the old chubby chick on the bike, but I was feeling really good about myself last night, so I'm going to choose to beleive that they were flirting. I GOT FLIRTED AT BY COLLEGE KIDS. Holy crap!!! That hasn't happened since I was college age, 13 years ago.

Finally got home, got the kids in bed, and had a great time...um...completing the evening. Yeah...that!

So I'm down 45 pounds now, and am at 213-ish. My goal is to be down to 199 by August 1st, and since I'm dropping about a pound a day as long as I'm working out it should be attainable. My big problems are still hydration and protein. My fingertips were actually pretty wrinkled on Friday, which is bad news. Technically I probably should have gone to get a few bags of fluid, but I didn't want to end up getting checked in to the hospital. I've finally figured out that orange juice with a scoop of vanilla protein powder, a little bit of SF vanilla syrup, and crushed ice all blended up is a damn good creamcicle/orange julius. Yay, protein supplement that I can actually KEEP DOWN.

Did I mention that I've resorted to protein bullets to try to get down enough protein? Even that makes me want to puke. 27 grams of protein in less than 3 ounces makes for syrupy sweet yuck. And that's the GOOD flavor, fruit punch. The first time I took a bullet, though, I didn't realize that it had the "tingle" stuff in it. HOLY CRAPOLY, I thought I was having an allergic reaction. It was awful, my entire body, even my tongue and eyeballs, itched. Now I just save them for right before a workout, that way I don't feel the itch.

So...after discovering last night that badass ho-boots do not equate to badass motorcycle boots...I need new motorcycle boots. I hate hate HATE wearing my sneakers on the bike. So I'm either going to get these FIRE BOOTS or these KICKASS BOOTS. I love the fire boots, but I could wear the kickass boots with more stuff. Hell, I love both pairs. Maybe I'll get the kickass ones to start with and get the fire ones later on. Or maybe I'll get the fire ones first since it's still hotter than Hades out....but the kickass ones only have two pair left in stock. HELP ME DECIDE!!!!

And I feel kinda bad...I sort of but not really but kinda did...griped my sister out on FB. Since I've finally gotten on Brian's bike, and yes, I do bring it on myself for posting about it...people have been calling me biker mama, biker chick, biker babe...all that crap. And a LOT of people are doing it. I don't want that to be my identity, it's not who I am. I'm Brian's wife, mom of his three hysterically funny and obnoxious kids, sarcastic as all get out with all my friends, working my ass off to get healthy & thin again...I want THAT to be my identity. I guess it doesn't help that my stereotype of "biker chick" is trashy. Anyway, it irritates the hell out of me, and part of that may be irrational, but it still irritates me. So I said something about it when my sister called me a biker, again. On FB, of all places. So...Ker, if you're reading this, my irritation wasn't directed at you and I'm sorry if it came across that way. It's just frustrating in general. Forgive me? Please?

OK, I have a shit-ton more to say, but I've already made this a hugely long post, so I'll save it. Except for this: I HAS COLLARBONES AGAIN!!!! Yay me!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I had big plans for death by Zumba today, but it's just not happening.

We went to the Y yesterday and I tried doing the elliptical, but only lasted about 10 minutes. Don't know if it's because I didn't have my music (Zunepass needed to re-sync), or if I really was that wiped out. So I moved on to do weights. I had to drop the weight on almost every single machine. SUCKS. I feel...weak I guess.

I've also discovered that I'm extremely carb sensitive. I ate half a slice of pizza the other night *drool!* and within minutes of finishing it I had to go lay down for an hour. Completely crashed. So last night I made fish poached in white wine and sauteed zucchini. Apparently zucchini has a ton of carbs in it too. (Smell the sarcasm?) 7.3 grams per 1/2 cup serving, that's it. But I still crashed. Gah.

So last night I tried running again, week 1 of the Couch to 5K program. Maybe it was because two other folks were with me throwing off my pace, but I don't think so. I'm just feeling WEAK, and not in a loser sort of way.

Who knows, maybe I just need to bump up my vitamins or something. For once I know I'm getting protien because I'm eating Greek yogurt like it's going out of style, and doing a 23 gram protein bullet (PUKE!) every day. It's getting harder to get my water in, but I'm getting my minimum in by the end of the day. It just takes for-freakin'-ever.

Throw everything EXCEPT the cheeses into the crotch pot, turn it to high for at least four hours. You can serve the boobies whole, but I think it works out better shredded. So shred up the chicken, then add the cream cheese for the last half hour of cooking.

The rest of the family gets it served up with rice, I just put a scoop in my little bowl and go to town. NOM!!!

In other news....after working on me since he's HAD the bike, Brian finally got me to go on rides with him. And I hate to admit it, but I like it. I've gone on three rides with him so far, and I'm hoping he'll take me again tonight. He even bought me a halfie helmet with awesome red flames on it on Wednesday. Now he's trying to convince me to get a bike of my own. I already have one! It's a HYPOTHECIAL bike. My HYPOTHETICAL bike is a 2008 Vulcan 900 in red & gold, with all the awesome goodies to go with it.

I'm all for looking younger, but f'real? Seriously? I'm drinking more water now than I have ever before in my life, but I'm breaking out like a 15 year old horomonal BOY. It's disgusting. Good grief I hope this passes fast...

Thursday, July 9, 2009

OK, so Amy was talking about keeping in mind what your band is doing FOR you, instead of focusing on what it's not doing for you. I think it needs to go a step further, though.

We always hear that WLS is a a rearranging of our guts, it's not a surgery on our brain. We hear that WLS is just a tool. It's true. My thumb size stomach isn't going to make the decision for me whether or not I'm going to eat biscuits & gravy for dinner. It will limit how much I eat, but the decison to shovel it down the gullet is mine and mine alone. (BTW, it was good and worth it, but only as a rare treat once or twice a year. I can't beleive I didn't get sick.) The fact that I've had gastric bypass isn't going to make me get off my butt and go to the YMCA for death by Zumba. I have to make that decision and follow through with it on my own.

My weight loss has stalled again, and it's frustrating, but it's not because my bypass isn't working. It IS. I'm extremely limited in how much and what I eat. The stall has come from the fact that I haven't been exercising. (Stupid torn abdomen!) Now that I'm picking up on exercise again I'll start losing again. My goal is to be below 200 by the end of July, and I think that's pretty realistic, AS LONG AS I KEEP WORKING.

So...I guess to continue Amy's thought...don't just think of what your WLS is doing for you...What are YOU doing for you?

(And Amy, to hyperlink, copy the link from where you want it to lead. In the blogger textbox type out what you want hyperlinked, highlight it, and then click on the little chain thing in the top of the text box, next to the text colors. Paste in the link you want and click OK. Easy Peasy!)

So I went for water aerobics this morning, but there was no class so I just did some warmup type stretching and a few laps. Then I went and did 30 minutes, 2.25 miles of death by elliptical. Now that I'm coming down off the endorphin high all I want to do is...well...yeah...

Thursday, July 2, 2009

I meant to take these last Tuesday, which was 4 weeks, but I never got around to it. So these are my 5 week pics instead.

Here's before. Start weight was 258.

And after. As of today I'm down 39 pounds, to 219. By my scale, that is. I'm sure my doc's scale would add about 5 lbs, grrr...

Now that I'm studying the pics I'm seeing it a bit more than I was at first. I was annoyed with myself that "I'm still huge!" when I first saw them. I'm starting to see now that my arms are smaller, as is the gigantus gut. And check out the awesome grease spots on the front of my shirt. I had no clue those were there. The joys of photography!

I've also made a decision. I AM going to go ahead and have plastics done, when the time comes. Not just to get rid of the meat apron, but to get the knockers fixed as well. Two years and one day before I had my RNY done I had a breast reduction. The surgeon was terrible, and while I don't regret the surgery itself, I don't like my boobs. The scarring was awful and I have corners. Some friends of mine call me Spongebob Square Boobs. Awesome, right? If you're brave and want to see pics, I do have a blog...Boobs, the Other White Meat. I desperately need to update it. Maybe later next week or so... Anyway, I'm hoping that when it comes time for plastics I can get the meat apron and the Spongebobs dealt with all at once. I don't want to have to have two more surgeries. One big one I can handle, but contrary to popular belief, I DON'T enjoy going under the knife. Either way, I'll be making sure to have it done with the plastic surgeon that works with RNY patients at my hospital, I WILL NOT go back to the first guy.

OK, gotta go make the dinner. Mustard chicken salad...mmmmm. I might be able to eat a few bites!!