Thursday, March 6, 2014

Lent.

Are you observing lent? Have you considered it? Growing up Dutch Christian Reformed, I have never observed lent before. But one of the churches that I currently attend in Houston is pretty big on walking through the different spiritual seasons; and they do lent complete with their version of the "stations of the cross." (Something I didn't even know about until a few weeks ago.)

I thought about giving up some sort of food for this 40 day period. As I considered this, I began reading and researching the lent season and the traditional purposes behind it. The more I read, the more I became aware of the fact that lent is intended to be a period of time designed to remove negative habits that hinder our intimacy with Jesus. To become aware of them. Of our humanness. Of our sinful nature. All the while internally preparing for the beauty and redemption of the resurrection. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that for me giving something up for lent needs to be so much deeper than sugar. Or meat. Or whatever. It needs to be a time of really flushing out the junk that's been creeping in. Spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally. I began praying. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me a specific. A something that really needed to be dealt with. And the answer came yesterday. It came painfully. But it also came gently. He showed me very clearly what I've been too attached to. Like being attached to a huge bolder and then thrown into the ocean. I don't know when this problem resurfaced. I had dealt with it 3 years ago in extreme measure under the guidance of Miss Beth with a beautiful group of women all over the globe. But somehow, somewhere, it's found it's way back in. Yesterday I got a glimpse of myself under it's thumb and just how bad it is.......

Insecurity. The problem with insecurity is that it is pride. And it is unbelief. Twisted pride that I could be THIS messed up (or fill in the blank here). And unbelief that God hand-made every little detail of me with purpose and intent. That He has a reason for all the vast complications of me and my personality and body. Unbelief that He has a perfect plan laid out for us and that-yes-it's far far better and more grand than ours could be. Fear goes hand-in-hand with insecurity. And both are absolute blatant disbelief that God is who He says He is, can do what He says He can do, that I am who He says I am, that I can do all things through Christ, and that His Word is indeed alive and active in me.

But how exactly does one go about "giving up" insecurity? As soon as I had this thought, I flashed back three years ago to when I went through a book with Beth and a small team of women called So Long Insecurity. Yep. I think it's time to crack this open again. I think there are also other things that feed the issue that we could give up for a time. I've decided to give up looking at my newsfeed, because I daily play the comparison game in my head. And I'm just too weak to stop comparing myself to every person I'm "friends" with. The amazing jobs. New cars. New house. Engagements. Weddings. Babies. Trips to Africa. (Seriously. My entire feed is basically engagements and babies. ALL. THE. TIME.) Why do I scroll through my feed every day only to become more deeply assured that I have nobody and am so alone and lost and floundering and failing and whine whine whine. How in the WORLD is this beneficial? To me. The God. To others. Towards using who and where I am to be the hands and feet of Jesus and bringing His Kingdom to Earth? I mean....read the gospels! Jesus tells us that We are able to do even more than HE did. (Ummmm.....heal the blind and the leapers? Raise the DEAD? Free the captives?) I don't know about you, but I'm not even close to understanding how that works. But I bet insecurity is probably the biggest thing in the way. I would have to say that if I think about the most effective people in this world-past and present- the common denominator has been confidence. Being undaunted. Knowing *securely* who they are and where they stand. I don't know about you, but I want that. One thing I've learned from the very powerful and effective people who I've been honored to spend some time under is that becoming confident and secure and powerful doesn't ever just happen. No. Quite the opposite. Miss Beth constantly reminds us that it takes work. A whole lot of it. And lots of sweat, tears, and worn knees in your jeans. But she'll also be the first person to tell you how incredibly worth it it is. So here we go.....

How about you? Are you doing anything for this season? Today is the day. Let's start a beautiful journey. I'd love it if you shared yours with me!