Remarks from straight friends & if/how to respond

Ok, so I am a masculine gay black guy and I mostly have straight friends. I officially came to terms with my sexuality last Summer and came out to most of them,I sometimes get remarks from them that I don't necessarily know how to answer to & just take the high road.

Examples:

1) My best friend told me he couldn't wait to go on a double date once I have a boyfriend...BUT please not to bring around anyone feminine.

2) Another one told me once gay marriage became legal that she couldn't wait to plan for my wedding...AND hopes I stay within our racial group.

3) Another told me I was brave to be gay and proud with HIV/AIDS being so rampant in the community.

Again....just a few remarks like that, I know they care & love me dearly. I believe it might come out of a place of ignorance, but I am never sure about what to say...so, I just stay brush it off.

1) I will date whomever I want. If I want your opinion of them I will ask you. Ultimately I know my happiness is of the utmost importance to you and you will be happy for me no matter if my BF is masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc.

2) It's not as though he and I can make a baby together so I don't see why I need to stay within my race and even if I could I know my happiness is more important to you than the racial make up of my future spouse.

3) Of course you are concerned for my well being; you love me and want what's best for me. Rest assured I have educated myself and will act accordingly. I love that you care so much for me and know I care for you as well so wear a condom 'cause there are diseases you heteros can get through unprotected sex as well - HIV being one. It's not just a gay disease.

I say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

Everything doesn't have to be a battle, but I always stand up for fems. The idea of not bringing a fem around #1 just to appease a homophobe sounds like going back into the closet. Even people who don't "prefer" fems usually don't say they won't even have them around.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

Everything doesn't have to be a battle, but I always stand up for fems. The idea of not bringing a fem around #1 just to appease a homophobe sounds like going back into the closet. Even people who don't "prefer" fems usually don't say they won't even have them around.

When you say you always "stand up for fems", what does that mean? Arguing with people?

I also wouldn't call his friend a homophobe. He's friends with the OP and is open to going on a double date with a gay couple. He just doesn't want it to be with a fem guy. A lot of gay men don't even want to go on a date with a fem guy, but straight guys are homophobes when they don't want to?

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

Everything doesn't have to be a battle, but I always stand up for fems. The idea of not bringing a fem around #1 just to appease a homophobe sounds like going back into the closet. Even people who don't "prefer" fems usually don't say they won't even have them around.

When you say you always "stand up for fems", what does that mean? Arguing with people?

I also wouldn't call his friend a homophobe. He's friends with the OP and is open to going on a double date with a gay couple. He just doesn't want it to be with a fem guy. A lot of gay men don't even want to go on a date with a fem guy, but straight guys are homophobes when they don't want to?

I feel you man. I would just say to pick and choose your battles. You don't have to tolerate hateful remarks from ANYONE. But sometimes you are farther along on certain topics than others so you have to enlighten your friends and family a little. It's how people learn what to think and what not to think.

I have had non-black friends make comments about my complexion or ask questions that seem pretty silly, but when I realize that they are loyal and come from a good place, I give them way more slack. True friends deserve forgiveness and patience. but most importantly, a chance to get better.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

Everything doesn't have to be a battle, but I always stand up for fems. The idea of not bringing a fem around #1 just to appease a homophobe sounds like going back into the closet. Even people who don't "prefer" fems usually don't say they won't even have them around.

Yeah, you stand up for fems but have repeatedly said that all older men are predators.

woodfordr saidI feel you man. I would just say to pick and choose your battles. You don't have to tolerate hateful remarks from ANYONE. But sometimes you are farther along on certain topics than others so you have to enlighten your friends and family a little. It's how people learn what to think and what not to think.

I have had non-black friends make comments about my complexion or ask questions that seem pretty silly, but when I realize that they are loyal and come from a good place, I give them way more slack. True friends deserve forgiveness and patience. but most importantly, a chance to get better.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

A love declared but untested is no love at all. Love must be run through the fires of trial, purifying and refining it.- Sunshine Stuart

If his "friends" truly love him that love should survive a little push back and testing on his part. Why does he need to let "something ride" that hurts him to the very core of his being? If he loses a "friend" over voicing his hurt and frustration over their mindless, stupid comments, he never really had their love to begin with. Someone who truly loves you doesn't try to force you into the little box they prepared for you.

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

A love declared but untested is no love at all. Love must be run through the fires of trial, purifying and refining it.- Sunshine Stuart

If his "friends" truly love him that love should survive a little push back and testing on his part. Why does he need to let "something ride" that hurts him to the very core of his being? If he loses a "friend" over voicing his hurt and frustration over their mindless, stupid comments, he never really had their love to begin with. Someone who truly loves you doesn't try to force you into the little box they prepared for you.

Thank you UnderCoverMan. It took me a while to be comfortable with my self, I used to have a lot of preconceived ideas about being gay...So, I think I should start speaking up more to enlighten them, instead of trying to appease them

CODY4U saidI say continue to brush it off. None of these are questions, so you really don't have to respond. Don't bring anyone effeminate around #1. Don't ask #2 to help you plan a wedding if he's not Black. Whatever you do, make sure you don't become that queen that goes looking for things to be outraged over. It's never cute.

It sounds like your advice is to capitulate... If that's the case, then why even come out?

If that's how you wanna take it. My advice is to either find new friends or learn what to let ride when it comes to people that love you. Everything doesn't have to be a battle. You either love it or leave it alone.

A love declared but untested is no love at all. Love must be run through the fires of trial, purifying and refining it.- Sunshine Stuart

If his "friends" truly love him that love should survive a little push back and testing on his part. Why does he need to let "something ride" that hurts him to the very core of his being? If he loses a "friend" over voicing his hurt and frustration over their mindless, stupid comments, he never really had their love to begin with. Someone who truly loves you doesn't try to force you into the little box they prepared for you.

Thank you UnderCoverMan. It took me a while to be comfortable with my self, I used to have a lot of preconceived ideas about being gay...So, I think I should start speaking up more to enlighten them, instead of trying to appease them