The Blonde Rebellion Is Underway! (via Fox News)

According to Fox News, a nationwide movement was staged today in Los Angeles, New York City, Houston, Washington D. C. and Chicago simultaneously (1:00PM EST) by blonde haired men and women.

“We are tired of being the butt of jokes,” Sandra Immerman stated at the Chicago assembly. “For generations we have been made to look like bumbling, big-busted idiot airheads and today we’re taking a unified stand to bring attention to how disrespectful this notion is. Just like midgets and gays want and deserve respect, we want and deserve respect too!”

The assembly got so rowdy in Washington D. C. that police had to be called in to break up the crowd.

“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” said Washington D. C. police Sargeant James McKinnon, who also happens to be blonde haired. “We had no idea this was happening today. Kudos to them for keeping this movement under wraps. Normally we’re tipped off to stuff like this through internet chatter, particularly via Facebook and Twitter, but as far as I know there was nothing that came across our desks that would have tipped us off. We were completely caught off guard.”

The movement also shut down subway service in NYC. There, blondes (both male and female) took their movement a step further by protesting topless in the city’s subways. “There were boobs everywhere. You couldn’t look in any direction and NOT see blonde hair and boobs,” exclaimed Joanna Ginsburg, who had her 7-year-old son with her. “I was so embarrassed for my son…He just kept asking me, ‘Mommy, why is everyone walking around with their titties out?’ I was absolutely mortified.”

During the movement, representatives of the group BLAAST (Blondes Aren’t Always Stupid) revealed themselves as the mastermind behind the nationwide, simultaneous movement. “Just being able to pull off something of this magnitude, completely under wraps, without alerting any authorities or anything, should be viewed as a testament to show that us blondes are NOT all stupid, that we are capable of doing great things,” said Monica LeAnn Holmes, a BLAAST representative overseeing the Houston movement. “We are thankful for all the participants that took part in today’s movement to bring this defamatory, derogatory, negative social discrimination towards blonde haired people, particularly women, to light.”