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I Had No Idea… An Eating Disorder Recovery Story

In celebration of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, The Healthy Dancer asked its readers to share their stories, and to encourage our readers to promote awareness and share these posts, The Healthy Dancer is hosting a giveaway. To be entered to win the new edition of Jenni Schaefer's book, Life Without ED, you must leave a comment on this post. To gain additional entries we invite you to share links to our posts this week on Facebook and Twitter.

This post is from a courageous young woman in recovery…

When I was diagnosed with
depression, anxiety and eating disorders at 15 years old, I had no idea that
they would impact every aspect of my life, that they would always be a part of
who I am and that they would dramatically change the path my life would take.

When I graduated from high school
and went off to college, I had no idea that my eating disorder would ever be an
issue that could take me away from school.

When I was admitted to the hospital
for the first time after my college required me to seek treatment, I had no
idea that I really had a problem and that I was dying from it.

When I finished my first cycle of
treatment, graduated from college and landed my first real job, I had no idea
that simply maintaining a healthy weight did not mean that I had worked through
all my issues.

When I realized I had fully
relapsed and had to decide for myself to seek treatment again, I had no idea
that it would be far more difficult the second time around.

When I returned to my job from my
first medical leave, I had no idea how many appointments and therapy sessions I
would need just to keep me going to work each day.

When I was let go from my job after
another medical leave, I had no idea that my eating disorder would prevent me
from working full-time for many years.

When I found a part-time job and
immediately had to return to an eating disorder program, I had no idea that the
rest of my time at that job would continue to be interrupted by appointments,
programs and hospitalizations.

When I just could not cope with a
major life transition and my therapists could not stop me from hurting myself,
I had no idea that it would take four months of hospitalization before I could
feel safe again.

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When I thought my life was over
because my therapist, nutritionist and psychiatrist all terminated with me and
I lost my job, I had no idea that I would eventually be able to work with my
ideal treatment team, who would help me find my way back to the path of
recovery.

When I learned that I needed to be
able to fight my battles outside of the hospitals in order to truly recover, I
had no idea that I had the strength to do it.

When I was told over and over that
a particular treatment was not an option for me, I had no idea that I had the
ability to advocate for myself and find a doctor who believed that I could get
better.

When I returned to dance after a
hiatus, I had no idea that I could make healthy choices and that they would
actually make me a better dancer.

When I was given the opportunity to
help out my best friend and her family, I had no idea that I had the courage to
move across the country for three months without jeopardizing my treatment or
recovery.

When I spent years turned inward
and isolated, I had no idea that I could be social, repair old relationships
and make new friends.

When I learned about the peer
movement and that there are jobs for people who use their lived experiences
with mental illness to help others, I had no idea that I would ultimately end
up making it my life plan to go into that field.

When I applied for a specific
training three years in a row but was never accepted, I had no idea that I
would find a way to educate myself and start volunteering without having to go
through the training.

When I spoke at a National Eating
Disorders Awareness Week event in February 2013, I had no idea that I would spend
the next year sharing my recovery story, facilitating peer support groups and
advocating for myself and others.

-----------------

When I was diagnosed with
depression, anxiety and eating disorders at 15 years old, I had no idea that
they would impact every aspect of my life, that they would always be a part of
who I am and that they would dramatically change the path my life would take.

And I had no idea that I would be
able to find my brave to overcome these struggles to create a life worth
living.