Apology Letter to My Ex-Girlfriend

by Nate
(New York, NY)

Peyton... I don’t know what to say other than that I am so sorry, I truly am sorry.

I cannot stop thinking about all of the pain that I have caused you throughout our many years together, especially the last few months of our relationship. I was awful to you and I am so sorry that I didn’t see that.

You deserve the world and I gave you nothing. I treated you like sh*t and you didn’t deserve that. I took out all of my anger and hate on you and I will hate myself forever for the way I treated you. I am sorry that it took me so long to realize that. I hurt you so badly and I didn’t even see it.

Andrew and Julia told me how badly you were hurting and I didn't show you that I cared. I am sorry for all of the nights that you looked at the clock at 3 am and realized that you hadn’t had any sleep even though you needed to get up to get ready for ballet in two hours, all because you were crying from the pain because I made you feel like you weren’t good enough.

I am the one who isn’t good enough, you are perfect Peyton. Please, never let anyone ever make you feel that way ever again because you are more than enough. I'm sorry for the depression and all of the pain that I caused you. I'm sorry for every time my pride got in the way, for all the things I wouldn't do for you, for all the words I said, and especially all the words I would never say, because I had my own issues trying to be a man.

I am so sorry for how I left you hanging. I ruined your trust, and now for every guy that comes along, you will be reluctant to let down your walls that you try so hard to build up so no one can get inside, you will hold onto your heart, because I broke it into a million pieces and it is just starting to be repaired.

I am sorry for every time your friends had to pick you up and take you out to cheer you up because I hurt you. I'm sorry that you got injured and almost had to end your ballet career and that I wasn't there to pick you up and hold you and tell you everything would be okay.

I'm sorry that I wasn't there to hold your hand and rub your back as you cried yourself to sleep over the fear of never dancing again. I know that me being there wouldn't completely take away that fear and pain, but I should have been there to ease the pain and to comfort you. That was one of the hardest times in your life and I wasn't there for you and for that I am so sorry.

I am sorry for the decisions you made and all of the alcohol and drugs you used to try to erase the memory of me and everything I did to hurt you. I am sorry for the heartache didn't stop hurting. I'm sorry for every time you hugged your mom as she cursed my name under her breath, because her little girl wasn't the same anymore.

I'm sorry for every shoulder you cried on, and I'm sorry mine was never one of them. I'm sorry I didn't give you the love and respect you deserved, and made it where the words "I love you" leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

I am sorry that you can't listen to the song Thunder or Uptown Girl without crying or thinking of me. I'm sorry that you can't go into Bobby Vans without remembering our first real date or go to a polo match without tearing up. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through.

I am so terribly sorry for everything, but most of all, I am sorry for letting you go. You were the light of my life, my best friend, my world, my everything and I let you go.

I pushed you away to the point that you had to leave and I am so sorry for not fighting for you, not fighting for us. I am so stupid for letting you go and I will regret that every day for the rest of my life. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for turning your world upside down. I'm sorry.