i've belonged to this community for a while but haven't really been an active poster. i have suffered from anorexia for the past fifteen years of my life, and i'm currently in recovery (a LONG and arduous process!).

i am currently earning my masters in mental health counseling and hope to focus my work in the field of eating disorders. i am writing my masters thesis right now and part of that entails me to conduct some research. i already have 22 people from other ed-related lj communities willing to participate (i will be sending out an anonymous questionnaire sometime this month). also, if you know of a friend who might be interested, please show them this post or have them e-mail me (plainsong76@gmail.com). i'd also be interested in learning of other lj communities that might be interested.

thank you for your support with this.

-kristina :)

IN NEED OF PARTICIPANTS FOR GRAD SCHOOL PROJECT!!

My name is Kristina and I am in my first year of a masters program at Cambridge College (Lawrence, MA). I will be earning my M.Ed. in Mental Health Counseling and hope to work within the field of eating disorders.

Having dealt with an eating disorder myself for the past 15 years, I have had many experiences that have helped shape my view of the current treatment modalities in use for these disorders.

My project (a thesis, really) concerns the mind/body split that occurs in people with eating disorders, and the ramifications of that split: a lost sense of identity for the individual. I will also be examining the influential role that treatment providers have with regard to this lost sense of identity and some of the dangers that can ensue from the client (patient)/therapist (treatment provider) relationship.

I am looking for volunteers to participate in an anonymous questionnaire for my project. Your name and all info about you will remain anonymous- I will be utilizing the data I collect from the questionnaires to draw conclusions about the anorexic/bulimic experience. I do ask that you supply your e-mail so that I may send you a copy of the questionnaire and so that you can send me the answers and any other correspondence should either of us request it from one another.

The questionnaire will be distributed sometime in February, via e-mail.

If you are interested in assisting me with my project, I ask that you please send me the answers to the following preliminary questions (as well as the e-mail address you would like me to send the questionnaire to). My e-mail address is: plainsong76@gmail.com

1) Your age

2) Type of eating disorder

3) Duration of the eating disorder

4) Amount of time spent in a residential treatment program (if you don’t mind giving me the name of the program, that would help out a lot!)

5) Amount of time spent in outpatient treatment/therapy (please be specific about which you are talking about)

Thank you in advance for your assistance, and I look forward to your important contribution to my project!

It's so hard to get back into recovery after falling so far back into your disease. My disease once again became my life. It was running me and everything around me. Driving me crazy!!! I know I can do this! I want to do this (most of the time) Sorry if I start to ramble I am a bit... umm... somethign... yeah. Anyway, I want to start and EDA meeting in Tampa. I amgoing to pour my heart and soul into this until girls like us can stop suffering and being bombarded my the media to be the size of a rail. and I need to let go of my need for control. What is control? Who has it? I don't know? I just want a normal life, a family, a career, a perfect life as perfect as it could possibilly be. I'm so just UUGGHGHGHG right now!!

I feel so alone in this place. I have no girl friends. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world but I have no one else in my life. And that is depressing. And right now I need someone. I'm really struggling. I just got out of the hospital. I'm 2 days abstinent, trying the recovery thing once again and it is damn hard. I'm very shy in public so it's hard to talk to girls at ABA and OA meetings. But i found a food sponsor. :) I'm just really lonely right now. I think I will start to use Windows live Messanger if anyone wants to add me!! ---> eaprovenzano

Here is something that was difficult to deal with yesterday. I don't know how else I could have done. Here's the story:

I always run into people with eds, people purging, etc. It has been one year since I have purged. Purging is still really hard not to do. The urge is very strong. I also have bad reflux so everything comes up naturally - very disgusting.

Anyway, I have just started eating in some restaurants (safe ones of course) with Jim (my fiance). Because of the UTI I really had to go to the bathroom. I was having a really hard time that night and really wanted to purge. As I was walking to the bathroom (I promised Jim that I wouldn't purge), two girls stepped in front of me. They were in their early 30s. One said, "I can't wait until we get home." The other one said, "me either". I knew what they were going to do. Well, we all went to the bathroom. They weren't very good at purging - they made a lot of noise and still had gag refluxes (from the sound of things - you know how you can tell). I really, really wanted to "join in", but I didn't. I promised Jim. I waited until they got done. One at a time they came out of the stall with watery eyes, red faces and vomit on their hands. When they were both done and out of the stalls, I said, "Please get help now. This is nothing to mess with. Vomiting is not something to do to try to lose weight or because you ate too much. It is a very deadly disease. I have been diagnosed with anorexia since I was 14. It is pure hell. Please get help now." I had also written down on a sticky note (I carry them everywhere) the name of a place that treats eds here. My T is 1 1/2 hours away and not taking any new pts. I hope that they get help. I kept trying to tell them and really get it through them that this is a very deadly disease. It is not something to do to lose a few pounds. It will only get worse and worse. I talked with them for 5-10 minutes. I didn't know what else to do. I hate to see people going through this. Other people just don't realize how bad this really is until it is too late and they are sick. Take care!