“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” ~C.S. Lewis

Thursday, March 05, 2009

You, Beloved, who are allthe gardens I have ever gazed at,longing. An open windowin a country house--, and you almoststepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I chanced upon,--you had just walked down them and vanished.And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrorswere still dizzy with your presence and, startled,gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?perhaps the same bird echoed through both of usyesterday, seperate, in the evening...

Monday, March 02, 2009

"It's okay to cry."... I knew that."No one can take my grief away."... I knew that."Everyone grieves in their own way."... I knew that."There are stages of grief."... okay, if you say so.

It all feels the same to me.

It feels heavy. It feels as though I have been set adrift.I'm not drowning, just drifting further away from what I knew as safe and comfortable.

The dance that was my life has stopped. The days and nights pass... and the calendar pages turn, but I do not own this new life.

What has the cardinal to do with all of this? I am not a bird expert, but I have observed that the male cardinal is never far away from his mate. He watches as she feeds, usually going in to the feeder in advance... making sure all is safe before he calls to her.