Day 72: Telling the parents

As some of you know, I had a pre-arranged visit to my folks scheduled. I have been super busy at work so haven’t even had much chance to speak with them on the phone, and it’s Father’s Day in the UK so it seemed like as good a chance as any to make the trip to come and see them this weekend. My project from hell has more or less finished (let’s not mention the client who messaged me this week – twice – to get me to change one letter on a ppt…) so I have a bit of breathing space. So I bundled up Dog and gave T the weekend “off” (to go carousing!) and took a 2hr train ride to see them.

And of course I’m pregnant!

(As of yesterday it was 7 weeks.) I knew I’d have to tell them as I’ve mentioned before that we are a rather “continental” family when it comes to alcohol… ie wine is served at every meal. (Not always breakfast!)

It started as soon as my dad picked me up at the station. He said “We need to pick up some wine for you on the way back” (I like rosé and they tend to drink red and white). We already had to go via the florist as my mum has had an operation and I had ordered a bouquet for her from her favourite florist. So we went and picked up the bouquet. Here it is…

I asked for something different to what she usually has, which is all one colour – I wanted a cottage garden look. I think it turned out nicely.

Anyway, then my dad again mentioned we needed to go and pick up my wine!

I asked if we could go straight home as I needed the bathroom and hadn’t been able to go on the train as I was looking after a rather restless Dog. (He was quite naughty and kept trying to run all around the first class carriage. Fortunately we were travelling at off peak time and people seemed to find him funny.)

Got home, handed over the flowers, and then my dad mentioned again that he was going to pop out to the shops to get my wine and what kind of wine did I want? I kept ignoring or avoiding the question. He must have asked it about six times until I went and got the envelope with the ultrasound in and handed it over…

I gave him the envelope and said “Now stop asking me about rosé!”

He looked at it (the last ultrasound we had which is basically nothing but a black blob) and then he showed it to my mother and they were so happy.

It was really lovely. My mum was crying and my dad was looking really quite emotional (considering he is usually very rational) and they were hugging me and I was telling them “It’s only 7 weeks” as I didn’t want them to get their hopes up… but I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid the wine otherwise!

It was nice because we haven’t told anyone so it was just really nice to be able to celebrate it with someone. Especially their reaction being so positive. I mean, this is the third grandchild (1 already born and one gestating to the same SIL/bro) so I kind of thought that they’d be sick of them by now, but they were over the moon. Also it almost seemed like it was more exciting for them because I was adopted… I don’t know why I felt that but they were just so happy and kept talking about little [ethnic] grandchildren and being all excited so I definitely didn’t feel like it was second best. I kept having to remind them that it still may not happen! But they were just super happy.

I guess the other point is that I had quite a hectic few years lately so I think they were worried for me. Obviously some of this is in the context of my mother knowing how it feels to have fertility problems – that’s why they adopted me and sibling #2. (They later had 2 bio children… In total they must have had about 15 years of infertility so similar to mine. More on that story under Adoption on the nav bar!) I was in a long term relationship which ended up in marriage and then separation. During that time I had a load of “women’s problems” including having some operations. So I think they were just worried I was “leaving it too late”. (Oh how that grates on me but at least they realised when I told them that this had been over a year in the planning!)

So yeah, it was pretty nice to have some good news and to be able to celebrate it. Now I just need to get through the next 5 weeks and make it through the first trimester… I really want to tell my (3) siblings but think it’s a bit soon yet. One of them lives really far away. I think I don’t want to have to retract the good news if something goes wrong so it’s likely we’ll wait until 12 weeks (if we get that far). I probably will also try and avoid telling other people unless I really have to. My BFF and I are doing a spa day with champagne lunch in week 11 so I think I’m going to have to tell her! I’m really hoping to be able to celebrate it properly soon… although I have a sense that I probably won’t feel even slightly reassured until week 20 or more.

Until then I need to try and control the delinquent Dog who is being extremely naughty chasing my mum’s cat. Suffice to say they are not best friend furry cousins!

This is great on so many levels. How cute that your dad wanted so badly for you to have the wine you like! I do have to say, preparing to welcome home our own (adopted) son, that we’ve occasionally reflected on how amazing it will be to have grandkids that we wouldn’t have had in any other way. Skin variations, among other genetic variations, are just the most beautiful thing, and to get to celebrate that in a family – my family – setting just tickles me with happiness! I don’t know if that sounds crazy, confusing, or anything else, but for some reason I totally get what your parents must be feeling. You are giving them yet another adventure! 🙂 Xo

Aww thank you. It is very sweet that they’re so excited. They kept asking if they should call T to congratulate him! I said maybe if we make it through the first trimester. (He was probably lying in bed with a hangover at that point, haha!) I think it just brought it home to me that I’m very much a part of the family, and no less for being adopted (I know, shouldn’t be) and possibly even more for being the eldest, if that makes sense. Think they thought it would never happen!

It sounds like you have pretty amazing parents! I am glad that they continue to show you how loved, wanted, and special you are to them. I hope our kids grow up to understand that. And, my oldest sister is the favorite in our family, so I can kind of understand what you are saying! I think it’s because they went through a lot of firsts with her and had a lot more time and attention to bond with her. She had kids after two of my sisters and my parents “grandparent” switch really turned on brighter once her kids came. Strange but true! It doesn’t bother me but it bothers my sisters a little. 😉 Thank you for sharing so much with your readers!

Well they aren’t perfect (who is?) but I love them and am happy they adopted me! It was quite funny actually as we ended up talking about when they picked me up from the agency because we were talking about “many ways to have a family”. (I told them straight away it was IVF… sort of in explanation of why it had taken so long. They were really interested and then started reminiscing about picking me up.) We also talked about adoption now (in my mum’s work she is involved sometimes) versus then (my dad said they just got the next one in the queue – me! – and they didn’t have to go through any vetting other than the head of the agency!).

I always thought my younger sibling #3 (Real First Born) was the favourite, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised they probably treat us all differently… Not worse, just differently, as individuals. Eg We talked about whether I wanted a boy or a girl and I said I think boys are easier, and they were saying how they probably were – and I think that’s why I always thought RFB had an easier life. He was just an easier kid! But I don’t feel like they love me less, nowadays. I think they’re very fond of all their children! And I’m sure if Pizza Baby makes it to term that they will be really enthusiastic grandparents. I’ve already said they can have him for a month at a time! 😉

Many ways to have a family is right! I also agree that we are loved differently because we bring different things to the table…I love my friends differently so I think it’s a really easy thing to understand. Everyone says boys are easier…I am really excited to see what they mean! 🙂 Can’t wait to hear more about Pizza Baby and read the journey!

Thank you! We had a lovely weekend (although Dog kept trying to escape my parents’ very large garden and was generally wreaking havoc with my mum’s cat!). It was a nice one-on-two time with my folks. Sometimes I think you miss it if you’re the eldest! I like being the centre of attention! 🙂

I know! He seriously asked about six times. And then after I’d told them he said “I was getting quite annoyed with you not answering me about the wine!”
He also then brought out a bottle of champagne from the fridge (my parents are nothing if not prepared for drinking!) and said “I suppose we’ll have to save this for a few months”! Seriously, my parents are nutters.