Feeling like my wings have been clipped.

The last time I posted about FH and I, we were planning to live apart until after the wedding and I was worried about sleeping arrangments. We changed our minds over the summer and decided to go ahead and move in together. We’ve been able to sleep fine, large bed with separate sheets and blankets, AC on high. It has been great for us financially and emotionally. I’m happy to be so close to him, and have really treasured this time of transition.

Lately, things have been difficult. I’m a very adventurous and independent person by default, but when FH and I are on the same schedule I kind of shut down. I love to explore new things, cultures, places, etc. I have always lived for the arts, and attended every concert, recital, performance, play, etc that I could. Now, I rarely go out and have recently missed several amazing events that I desperately wanted to go to. I had asked FH to get tickets over and over again, but he just didn’t. It’s been like this for awhile. I don’t feel like I’m completely alive. My work is suffering because I lack creative inspiration, and I’m starting to get resentful.

I have no problem going out by myself. But I feel like going to these things, living, by myself would signify that I don’t need him. And since those things make me so happy, that I’m happier without him. I want him to take me to have new experiences, and I want to share things with him. To have adventures with him, and make the greatest memories of my life together. He’s just so busy with his studies and has recently admitted that he has anxiety about taking me places because he doesn’t feel like he can meet my expectations.

That’s my fault right? I just want to hear that I’m being ridiculous, if that’s what I’m being. How do I adjust my perspective and be fine doing things by myself? Or how I can help FH understand me, if that’s what needs to happen.

Why does FI have to be the one to buy the tickets or take you? Why can’t you buy the tickets for the things you want to attend? Bring him if he’s free and bring a friend or go alone if he’s not. Just because you’re living together doesn’t mean that every waking moment has to be together. I’m sure you’re bored out of your mind when he’s studying… go do something! It doesn’t make you any less of a committed partner. Make sure that you DO set some time aside to be together, but don’t be afraid to be your own person either!

There are lots of things I wish my husband enjoyed: dancing, going to bars, spending hours talking over coffee. But he doesn’t, and so I do these things with friends. And that’s okay, because we do plenty of fun things together as well, like going on hikes and seeing plays. As it is, studies show that couples who have solo interests are more satisfied in their relationships than couples who do 100% of everything together.

Thanks guys. It’s not that I want to do everything with him, I just don’t want to drift away. My parents do everything together, as do his parents. Their relationships aren’t desirable to me, but that’s the only model I’ve been shown. I think I needed validation that it’s okay to do things by myself. I think the unhappiness comes because I want him to take me on dates and such, and he won’t. This has been a recurring problem in our relationship, but it’s more difficult to deal with when we have more time together.

@Strawberryfarmer: We moved to a new place, and I haven’t made friends yet. Otherwise I would definitely go with a friend!