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Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday, January 25, 2010

John and I like to watch those ghost shows on TV. You know, the ones with the frat boys bellowing challenges into empty rooms, and then running and screaming like little girls because "Something justtouched me, dude! I swear!" Yeah. Those ones.

We also like the ghost gadget guys, who get unreasonably excited measuring things I've never heard of, and spend a lot of time trying to convince us that a bit of static contains some other-worldly message, like "monkey nuts."

Anyway, I got to thinking: what if these shows did a bakery edition? Eh?

[spooky announcer voice] "This week, on Bakeries From Beyond!

"Our intrepid crew pays a visit to the most haunted bakery in the entire world. Has Jumpy Jen and her crew of ragtag Wrecktators bitten off more than they can chew? Or will they earn their just desserts in this poltergeist-packed patisserie?"

[squeaky voice] "Well, we definitely sense a presence in the walk-in fridge..."

"...and strange things happen to our cakes overnight."

"Plus, customers are always complaining that they feel like they're being watched."

Announcer: "Soon, the Wrecktators are making shocking discoveries of their own!"

"So first, the electrojiggahiemers were off the scale, and then we found THIS in our photos of the display counter. This could be the evidence of Wreckage after death we've been looking for!"

Plus...

Frat Boy: "Hey, ghosties! I bet you couldn't pipe your way out of a paper bag! Yeah, and your bakery is ugly, too! You call this a window display?"

"Why don't you do something scary for once? Huh? In fact, I'm not going anywhere until you PROVE to me that...uh...

I actually kind of like the fourth cake. It has a vaguely Miyazaki cuteness to it. But unless it is actually supposed to be some sort of Shinto spirit or videogame creature, I have no idea why someone would make it in the first place...

Great post, dude. My spectral speak-n-spell cricketed out that it was funny, which clearly means the cake spirits are trying to get me off guard with laughter. I'm not falling for that. No sir. Nuh-uh...

What was that? Did I just capture the sound of buttercream passing through an ancient piping tip to spell out someone's name incorrectly on a birthday cake. I'll have to investigate further.

ha! i spent a good chunk of saturday watching "creepy" ghost shows with over the top voice overs and the noises on the evp that they said sounded like breathing but really sounded like someone putting their finger over the mic.

That's the little bakery down the street from my office...! We loved how festive they got at Halloween, most especially the bride cake transformation - it's not very clear from the picture, but there was a bloody handprint on the dress as well if memory serves...

My favourite cupcake there(raspberry) was decorated with a little brain gummi candy, complete with dripping 'blood' decoration - it made me laugh, and was absolutely delicious. Now I wish I had thought to take a picture of it!

Hahaha! Despite its violent death, now that they've given that dress a proper funeral, I'm sure it won't bother them ever again!

Actually, the smaller cake next to it looked a little bit like the cake we were *supposed* to have at our wedding (and not like the one we actually GOT, of course). It made me so angry to see it, I almost could've knifed that dress myself. *Almost.*

Haha, nice. I was actually on one of those shows. It was called "Real Scary Stories" at the time (later renamed, "Scary, But True"). Both titles are a tad misleading, because there wasn't much "real" or "true" about it. But, it was pretty fun being on TV :-)

The commentary has given me a bad case of the giggles, I watch those shows too.

LOL! john (the hubby of Jen), I dont't think I'd want to be retired from Bergdorf's if that's what they do, talk about work incentive. Yeah, we're going to slather bloody red frosting all over you & display you in a window for a day...actually that sounds either like a bizarre party or kinda kinky, I'll stop now, you're right, it is sordid tale.

the worst part about the last one is that there is a gorgeous cake next to the crazy death one!! clearly someone in the bakery has talent, and that person should be promoted to window display designer!!

Of all the ghostly shows, I dislike the one most where they shout aggressively at the alleged spirits. Yeah, kids, let's go in and piss off a ghost in his own home. I tell ya, when I kick off and start haunting a place...

"Hey, we heard you've been haunting this place... Frat guy One, get the laptop out, bring up that site about the cakes. I heard this one likes that place... There! We've got your favorite website up... it SUCKS! Show yourself or we'll start criticizing it more!"

Thanks, John, for the story behind that cake. Considering it's Halloween at the time of the picture, how very appropriate to (ahem) retire the cake that way. and yes,Tracy, I DO see a bloody handprint on the left of the torso...

BWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!I love those shows! Especially the one on Animal Planet where they keep flashing to clips of startled pets. My cat looks startled every time I laugh to loudly at this site! Which I did reading Jen's spooktacular comments today. :-)

Considering I have had a chocolate coffin with delicious cream, fruit and strawberry topping (and yes, it did look like blood) these desserts are not that off-putting. Maybe the strange one that has the figurine on top of it, but that is because the cake looks burned, not iced. Lol, bad pun.

Ugh. The "hairy ghostball" that's "looking at you" grossed me out the most, mainly because I have eaten one of those. They're squishy and indeed fuzzy feeling; it's basically like eating a stuffed toy. Never thought I'd see one show up here, but the recipe for those things is a wreck in itself. And yet, people buy them. *shrug*

I really don't comment much but as a paranormal investigator, I had to for this one. These cakes rock! Uh, in a creepy, 'who would want to eat that' kind of way. I chuckled through the entire post, I dunno, maybe it's me and my dark sense of humor, but I thought they were funny.

As for the ghost hunting shows on television, the ones that *do* fake things for the camera and *do* have pretty blond hosts (or clueless young men) screeching in fear and so on are *not* indicative of the hobby. Please don't assume that real paranormal investigators all act that way, because we don't, and we as a whole typically get pretty offended at the way some people portray us on television. If you want to see what it's really like, go on a ghost hunt yourselves, there are typically organizations in any major city that will welcome guests. As for television, Ghost Hunters and Ghost Lab are probably the best representations of what we actually do, although 99% of groups haven't got the extremely expensive equipment that they do, because groups in real life can't afford that stuff. A thermal camera is approx. $15K, for example. In the real world, we have digital cameras, digital voice recorders, a video camera, and perhaps an emf reader of some sort if we're lucky.

Ghost Hunters and Ghost Lab don't fake their evidence, and no good group worth their salt will do so either, it goes directly against our ethics. Just wanted to point that out. There's more in Heaven and on Earth!

Ummm - the cake with the Fly? The fly is under the plastic dome... The cake DID kill it.

First time commenter - long time reader. I work for a supermarket chain so it's part of my job to come look to make sure none of our store labels are ever showing... LOL... Reading you every day is WORK!

Jenn, as always a wonderful post! Jon, thanks for the backstory it helps a lot. I'm also wondering if a new product that cuts gumpaste will help or hurt wreckerators... http://www.cricut.com/cricutcake/ We'll have to wait and see who can manage to put letters or designs on upside down or backwards.

wv minsfeon: Answer to a waiter's question, ie; How's the food? Minsfeon, but the cake needs some REAL help

Aw, darn. I was hoping the Boob Nazi would have posted a comment about the lack thereof on the last cake(s). I think we can't overlook as a suspect the "always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride." She wanted to be the one to cut the cake for once...and so she did.

I love that the wedding dress cake was transformed into a bloody bride with a severed head and apparently arms as well. Perhaps she was relieved of these appendages at the armpit line of her torso? I love your commentary, this site wouldn't be nearly as hiliarious without it! "You couldn't pipe your way out of a paper bag" had me laughing as hard as the wreckage did! Thanks for the time and care you put into your posts, they make my day!

We have those shows in Malaysia too. Most of the time the participants ended up crying hysterically, INCLUDING the boys.

Still, it must be cool to see some of these "unique" cakes. Ours are dead boring in comparison. You will probably be glad that the horror of CCCs haven't spread here yet. The power of the internet might change this soon...

Since I am a horror junkie I think horror and bloody cakes would be so cool for Halloween and even weddings when two people who are horror junkies get married. But that little pink anime looking thing was just too cute.

Yeah, I'm so ridiculously happy my photo got posted! I remember how shocked I was to see that nasty cake in the display window of a cake shop in China. I don't know what grossed me out more... the moldy straw, the inch of dust, or the cracked icing!

The 'killer wedding dress'--wow. Talk about your subliminal suggestions. 0_o Hopefully this cake wasn't ordered by the bride's mother-in-law, her fiance, or a jealous bridesmaid who hates her chartreuse organdy dress?

Dude! Bro! Two of my favorite things in the world together at last. The huz and I give Ghost Adventures the MST3K treatment wert Friday night (Loved when Joel McHale called Zak "Scooby Douche"!). Let's put a digital recorder under that cover and see if we can get an EVP of the dead fly.

We are the designers of the stabbed cake: http://www.beasofbloomsbury.com

Originally I had resisted against putting wedding cakes in our display, but my architect friends designing the shop persuaded me to make a cake model that we assumed no one would ever want! As a result, 'Mathilda' was made, and photographed constantly for months---every day a horde of people with camera phones, a celebrity in her own right.

And then she got dusty, and then the bottom and then we had additional wedding cake models that deserved centre stage.

As Halloween was around the corner, we decided to retire her in a wonderful fashion for Halloween. Also, considering our shop building was built in 1860, I'm sure there's quite a few ghosts hanging around.

But yes, it was purely for Halloween purposes and I could never imagine someone ordering that as a divorce cake! :)

I have actually had the first cake, the blood like substance is raspberry something or other and on the inside its 2 layers of dark chocolate cake separated by a layer of raspberry goo that kinda seeps into the cake... sooo moist and sooo good! Definatly a place to check out if youre ever in Port Stanley ontario!!!

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