Do I Exist? : 👻🏳️‍🌈Life As A Bisexual 🏳️‍🌈👻

I’ve always known that I might be bisexual, my first crush was the yellow power ranger from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers ( who later turned out to be bi in the 2017 reboot!!). I always thought that it was just the normal level of open admiration women have towards each other that I was experiencing but it’s definitely not.

I am sexually attracted to Women.

I was at my new job last week when my Assistant Manager and Regional Manager started talking about the upcoming gay pride parade and the companies expectations for us to participate. The conversation became more casual and less business so my colleagues started to talk about their respective sexualities.

I was immediately gripped with anxiety. Derby is a relatively small ,predominantly white working class town and I didn’t think they would be progressive. To my surprise 2 other staff members were gay and bisexual.

I was the first bisexual woman that she had encountered. She made jokes and quips about me being greedy and one of my other colleagues claimed that asexuality isn’t real. I thought to myself that I should’ve just kept quiet as they made a point of having their opinions about my sexuality known. This sort of thing is normal.

The greedy comment is used to make bisexuality seem like it’s not a real thing or just a phase. Normally I would’ve spoken up but I did something that I usually wouldn’t do if someone challenged my sexuality, I retreated and changed the subject.

My boyfriend will attest to this,I only kept my mouth shut because I was in a work environment. Otherwise,I’m fearless when it comes to defending my LGBTQ community and I’m not afraid to speak my mind. It really hurt that I couldn’t speak up but it is what it is.

My first ever sexual experience was with a girl. It wasn’t until I was speaking to my boyfriend about losing my virginity that I realised that my first ever sexual partner was a girl. I had just dismissed it as normal sexual exploration but I’m pretty sure straight people don’t kiss people of the opposite sex, repeatedly and not just on the lips

It’s really been an uphill battle coming to terms with the fact that I am bisexual and I think my boyfriend has made it easier for me to accept myself. He’s the first person to ever take it seriously. My boyfriend (A) treats my being flirty with women in the same way he would treat me being flirty with other men. It’s all inappropriate because I am (technically) equally attracted to both sexes. He takes me seriously and that’s really helped with my identity issues.

I said technically in brackets because most people that identify as anything other than straight define themselves according to a spectrum or scale. On the spectrum I’m about 80% attracted to men and 20% attracted to women. I am however Aromantically attracted to women. This means that I can have a sexual attraction towards women but I feel no romantic connection towards them and therefore never pursue them for relationships. The Trevor Projecthas a really useful diagram that explains the spectrum:

And this little venn diagram explains aromanticism quite well

My coming out story is a little basic. I went to my first pride parade back when I was in 1st year at Uni while I was working at Sainsbury’s. The company had asked a few of us to participate in the parade and take part in the presentation to show support for the Orlando Nightclub Shooting victims. I jumped at the chance and bought a giant gay pride flag that I tied around my neck like a cape. I’ve kept this flag with me and I guess my Mum put two and two together. She never confronted me about it but when I told her last year she looked at me like I’d grown a second head and was basically like:

I also felt it necessary to be open about my sexuality on my social media. Either that or I have an over sharing complex. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Most people weren’t surprised but I still get the odd question here or there. One time someone offered to find a 3rd girl for me and A to have sex with…

We’re both quite possessive so that was a no go 😂

I think the biggest difference that came from coming to terms with my sexuality is that I’m a lot happier and much less confused when I feel attracted to a woman. I know I’m not a lesbian and it’s great that I can comfortably talk about my sexuality with people without feeling the need to lie or be defensive.

I haven’t told my Dad about being bisexual because I feel like it’s no ones business unless the direct question is posed. I can’t just email/text him and be like

“hi Dad haven’t seen you in a year but occasionally I like to have sex with girls okaythanksbye”

I’m an aromantic bisexual so i don’t feel the need to divulge to everyone that I am bisexual because I’m never going to bring a girl home or have a serious relationship with them.

To finish off I’m really proud of myself for taking the steps to discover this part of myself, I realise that it is a major part of my identity but it does not define me. I’m also really happy because being bisexual and having “gay interests” has lead to me discovering shows like Ru Paul’s Drag Race something that I probably wouldn’t have stumbled across if I wasn’t trying to fill the giant hole in my soul made for gay content 😂