Delivery Boy: At Jiffy Express, we know how important it is to beon time. And we also know that sometimes you just can’t make it. That’swhen you call Jiffy. We’ll take the package – and the blame.

[ cut to a secretary handing the Delivery Boy a package ]

Secretary: This was due in Cleveland last month. I could be fired.Can you help me?

Delivery Boy: No problem, Ma’am. You can count on us. [ grabs thepackage and walks off to begin his mission ]

Voiceover: When it has to be there overnight, call the other guys.When it had to be there three weeks ago, call Jiffy. First, we’ll backdatethe receipt. Then our technicians will age the package, according to yourspecifications. We can stain it, soil it, recreate delivery mishap andtrauma.. even simulate international misrouting.

[ cut to Delivery Boy explaining the tardiness to an Upset Recipient ]

Delivery Boy: And after it got to Hong Kong, well.. we just lost trackof it. Luckily, it turned up in our warehouse.

Upset Recipient: [ grabbing package ] You guys are pathetic!People get fired over this kind of thing! [ slams his door ]

Delivery Boy: [ to the camera ] I know.

Voiceover: Jiffy Express. When you’ve got no one else to blame -call us.