words & pictures — rick lepage

a leaving

May 14, 2014

Ten months ago, almost to the day, my wife passed away peacefully at home. This morning, I walked out of that home for the last time.

This was the place that Lee and I always dreamed we would build, one packed to the rafters with love and the happy minutiae of a life together. And it became just that, the foundation for the best parts of our lives together. It is where our children grew up and grew out, and where we put down roots in a community that felt absolutely right for each of us.

Of all the houses that I have lived, this was the one that I truly called home. A small part of me wanted to be in this place forever, if only to celebrate that time and preserve it for my children. But I also know that I cannot live in the service of the past, and that’s mostly what it would be.

Today’s leaving was as immeasurably sad as anything I have experienced in the past year; a sadness that came from deep inside me, from the bedrock upon which I am built. And yet, it was also freeing, as though another small weight had been lifted from my soul.

And as I walked through the rooms of the house, I smiled for the wonderful memories buried in those walls and shed some tears for the things that never were to be. And I stood in front of the beautiful gardens that Lee created and cherished, and wished the plants to stay strong and vibrant for the family that is entering this place.

There are good bones in this house, and the land beneath it breathes with an air of contentment that comes from the lives that inhabited this space. It is time for this place to bloom again, with laughter and love at its center. And it is time for me to leave, to move further into this new world that I am creating. Yes, there is sadness in leaving, but there is also much joy and love in my life. It is that which continues to propel me forward.

Beautiful words and sentiments brother. It is sad that this chapter comes to a close. It is also joyous that this is also part of your new begining. I wish you all the best of this life and hope your life to come is as happy and full of love as the chapter that has closed.

Latest Photos

About Me

I'm a photographer, writer, editor, and publisher, based in Portland, Oregon. I post photos and personal essays occasionally on this site. Less frequently, I write about my travels across the West and Southwest (with my wife Susan and our small travel trailer) over at a site called Postcards from the Road.

Professionally, I run Red Notebook Press, publisher of Aging: An Apprenticeship (edited by Nan Narboe), and CDP Press, which publishes Complete Digital Photography (by Ben Long) and a other books on photography topics.