my emotions are constantly up and down.
i just want the chance to make sense of it all.
maybe then i can take a step back and really figure my life out.
"You can never be old and wise,
if you were never young and crazy."

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

praying its just not a phase.

the past couple of weeks ive felt this desire, this drive,this constant persistence to do something more with my life.this past year has been one crazy ride.ive done nothing but party.i dont regret it.i mean thats what i needed to do for myself.i needed to try things and get out there and do all the things i was told not to.the sex.the pills.the drugs.the alcohol.all of it.i feel like ive learned alot in the past year.i mean dont get me wrongi know i still have alot of learning and growing to do,But i feel like this past year alone ive learned so much.im just praying this new me isnt a phase.i hope i really am growing and changing and maturing.i hope i stay passionate about school this time around.i hope im honestly over the whole scene of going out all the time.part of me just wants to be a homebody and do everyday normal things.dont get me wrong, ill still go out.just not five days a week.i wont let it consume me anymore.for the first time in a long time,im thinking about life in the sense of long term goals and desires.i feel like all of the partying is fleeting happiness.im looking for that long term sense of joy.for that sense of peace.