My life is nuts and I love it just that way!
My writing is directly from the heart. If I feel it, if I think it, I write it....
The good, the bad and the ugly.
For the most part - Life is GOOD. Soak up every second!!
Live, Love, Laugh.... Spin around until you get dizzy and fall down - then get up an do it again!

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Friday, March 30, 2012

I had a different post in mind for today, but I figured I'd hop on the "Dollar and a Dream" band wagon since I've had so much fun fantasizing.

What would I do with $500 million dollars?

Not me, not my ticket :)

First you need your tickets... Got mine, check!

Now it's time to dream...Ahhhhh....What would I do, what would I do?

Heck, what WOULDN'T I DO!!

First, I'd give 10% to my church right off the top.

God gives me everything, I give Him my tithe.

No problem - that is first on my list.

(Pssst, God... Look - See, I won't be greedy! HONEST)

Then, I'd book a trip to Hawaii. Not just for me...For my family & closest personal friends.

If you're reading this my friends, when you see a limo pull up to your front door, don't ask questions - just hop in.

There will be a first class ticket waiting at the airport for you!

You don't need no stinkin' clothes... SHOPPING...

Sorry, no last minute suck ups. If you aren't my friend - you don't get to start being my friend after I hit the big bucks. I know who my friends are & who they aren't.

Now that we're in Hawaii....My hubby gets a new Harley to tour the islands with, and whatever else he wants.

My kids can also have what they wish, within reason.
Mommy gets a hot cabana boy who is assigned feed me peeled grapes & margaritas whilst fanning me.

Hubby is Ok with this. He said I can have a hot cabana boy to look at as long as he has hot chickie to look at too. Lucky thing .. HERE I AM BABY ;)

Yes, I will be hot again - because I can afford to nip and tuck and suck out all the crap that has collected around my lower half.

This is just the immediate plan.

There is also, of course, the longer term plan.
I will also have to contract the building of my dream home. It will, of course, be someplace warm - perhaps tropical. There will be ocean breezes, sun and sand.

This ought to do. What do you think?

Of course there are people I will take care of & make sure they never need to worry about anything ever again. My kids, of course and my "baby" brother. I will already have plans in motion for a structure to be built, in secret location, under an assumed name for my bestie. We've already had this giggly discussion.

Let's just say that there will be plenty of people living much more comfortably!

When it really comes down to it, I already live a happy life and I'm very thankful that we have jobs, a roof over our head and are blessed to be able to live well.

Sure, who wouldn't want to roll around naked in a bed of hundreds!

It's fun to dream the dream of having really big money.

What it really comes down to is that if you can't be happy in life without hitting the lottery...You know what you may as well do with those hundreds... Just sayin'

As Easter rolls around every year, my dad comes closer and closer to heart and mind.

I begin to have that familiar pang of heart ache realizing I won't ever see him again on this plane. I reflect upon my childhood with my dad and my adulthood without him.

There are so many things he wasn't here to experience with me. Times when I missed him so much more. The heart breaks when I needed to cry on my daddy's shoulder and have him tell me that I was too good for that boy anyway. When I married my husband & when I was blessed with my children. I miss him being here.

Many times I was feeling down and longed to hear my dad's voice telling me that he's proud of me & that I can do it! That I'm kind, smart and beautiful & hear him say how much he loves his little girl.

My dad was always my biggest cheerleader. No matter what I was doing - he was sure that I'd be the best at it. Whether I was or not. He was always sure to encourage me and make me feel like I was the best of everything. Whatever I did, he beamed with pride & told not just me - but everyone how wonderful I was. He truly lifted me up and made me feel special and important.

So on this day, Daddy - I tell you that I miss you every single day. You're in my heart, you're in my soul and I love you.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I'm thankful to not be blogging from inside a jail cell this morning, as I accosted a woman at the stop light on my way to drop the short one off at day care.

The morning started off so nicely. I was, minding my own business driving along, looking at the trees and singing with the short one - when I notice that the car in front of me is tailgating the school bus.

Not just any school bus, but MY DAUGHTER'S SCHOOL BUS!

Ready, Aim, FIRE Kids!

I speed up a little to get a safe distance behind her and note that the bus driver is clearly trying to shake this tailgater off - and I begin to fume.

HELLO....My daughter is on that bus!!

My heart is beating so fast and all I can think is that if for some reason that bus has to hit the brakes, my daughter and her friend (who sit at the back of the bus) are going to get hurt.

Super Mom to the Rescue!

I gain on her & remain close - but not too close. We all turn off onto the highway, as I am trying to memorize this car's license plate number - and bonus - she is going my way, around the clover leaf and across the highway. AND the light is red...

For those of you who don't know me - I'm pretty "forward" to say the least.

I throw my Jeep in park, get out of my car and go knock on her window.

I see the fear in her eyes as she rolls down her window a full inch.

"Um excuse me - do me a favor please."

Now she's a little more relaxed because I was pleasant and said please. She rolled her window down further.

I continue, "The next time you're behind a school bus, please don't drive so close."

Now she's in a snit. "I was NOT driving too closely to the school bus."

Oh no she didn't...

I'm restraining myself now - because I'm fuming. I WAS trying to be nice.

"Yeah you WERE tailgating and my child was on that school bus. If that bus stopped short and you hit it - my daughter could have been hurt.

Do me a favor - in the future, do NOT tailgate ANY school bus."

Now this puss face gets even snittier with me. "I was NOT tailgating the bus."

Really? Do you really want to argue with a crazy mom who was angry enough to get out of the car to approach you at a stop light??

"Listen, I'm not here to fight with you. You were on the bus' arse. You don't belong there. Have some courtesy and respect for not only the children on the bus, but for the fact that it's hard enough to drive a bus, add children & a tailgater - and it's down right stressful. It's a safety issue. Thank you and have a nice day."

I jumped back into my Jeep, feeling satisfied. Super Mom saves the day from idiotic driver.

When the short one asked what I was doing and what I needed to talk to the lady about - I told her I wished her a nice day. Well, I did...

The light turned green & she took off, clearly wanting to get the heck away from me.

...and yours too! Let's keep 'em safe :)

I just hope this woman learned a lesson that there are psychotic moms, like me, who are not afraid to look out for the best interest of the kids.

Believe me I know that I've got several pounds to lose. I'm not nearly that 110 lb anorexic blonde I was 10 years ago. I've porked out and I know it.

Do I like my weight? NO!

Am I working to get rid of it? Of course!

Does it eat away at me so much that I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror??

Absolutely NOT! I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Yep, that's me - Vegas 1999

I have this motivational picture of myself on the fridge to remind me that I should watch what I eat.

Every once in a while, I'll look and think wow - I looked really good.

Other times I look and think - WOW - she really needs a sandwich.

Then I'll think - Hey, that "she" is me!
Sandwich? Don't mind if I do...ooh, and look - Ice Cream!

And we're back to 100 and fat...

Well, whatever. It's important to be comfortable with yourself. All of yourself from the inside out. Of course I'd like to be a size 5, but I'm not. Oh well. I'm still me.

I want to be sure to pass this line of thinking on to my girls. It's so important to have a positive body image! If you have a cute little bubble butt - well then you own that bubble butt, baby! If you learn to love it & let it be a part of you - when some smart ass comes along giving you crap about your butt - you can confidently tell them that your bubble is beautiful!

Things were so back and forth for me when I was younger. This one was saying one thing, this one another - I was so confused about my sense of self. Then one day, I stopped listening to everyone else & started listening to me!

My Bestie & I - Chicago 2012

I am definitely happier since I've lost 20 lbs and a pants size. Am I at my goal weight? Nope. Do I like to be nekkid in front of the mirror? Mmmm, not so much - but with nice clothes - voila! Ever so chic!

I don't look and see Jumbo Momma - I see me!

That's what's important. Looking at yourself and seeing through that blemish on your nose, or your big butt or whatever - look at yourself and see straight to YOU. Love yourself for who you are. Every single bit of you.

I know that I could definitely use a little polishing up, both inside & out.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Last night while sitting on my very messy back porch, I realized - it really IS Spring!
I could hear the birds singing & the weather was absolutely fabulous.

Then the thought struck me - Spring Cleaning. Yuck!

That thought was incredibly evident because as I was rocking attempting to rock in my leather rocker from Costa Rica - I was also kicking aside paper recycling that didn't quite make the bin and all of the "stuff" I didn't feel like dealing with during the colder months.

Not really my porch...

I noticed that my beautiful enclosed back porch - which is my coffee drinking haven in the warm months, has become the catch all for the stuff I don't want to deal with.

Stuff - lots of it!

All the Play-Doh that I've hidden from the short one, along with all the accompanying accessories and Moon Sand, which is even more deplorable than Play-Doh if you can believe that.

WHO BROUGHT PLAY-DOH?

*Side note...Most Mommies do NOT like Play-Doh. The tracking of it on shoes from room to room & it's lovely knack for getting itself deeply imbedded in carpeting truly puts the DOH in Play-Doh.

There's also all of the swimming pool stuff. The heater, the filter - floaties & toys that missed the attic run. Then there's a ton of hubby's crap. An industrial strength fan for something - who the heck knows and just stuff. (Trust me, I'd give you a full listing if I knew what to call this stuff) Oh, and my Griddler that once upon a time was hidden in the garage.

Cobwebs have formed all over my pretty little hanging objects & the other rocker is buried deep beneath a pile of "WTH? ".

Time to brush it all off & set it up.

Soon the croakers will be out at night calling to me to come relax with a glass of wine. Ok, croakers - your wish is my command.

All that aside, I need my quiet little haven where the birds are singing, the croakers are croaking and I'm enjoying my surroundings in peace.

For now, I need to get the broom and duster - start organizing the last few months worth of stuff & making my haven an actual haven.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I'm pretty sure I've burned a few bridges & pissed some people off royally in my little life.

I have this little thing called broken filter.

I know it's not an actual affliction - but if you ask me, I'm gonna tell ya. Like it or not. Heck, you don't even have to ask and I'll tell ya.

I try really hard to tender my words to not hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes I do anyway.

These days, it doesn't even have to be my mouth that gets me into trouble. Now with email, instant messaging, texting, etc..it just flows... All the emotion, all the stuff comes flying out my fingers too.

I am a fairly even tempered individual, BUT I am blessed with the suppress, suppress, suppress - EXPLODE type of temper.

You know that feeling when someone picks and picks and picks, and it just rolls off your back. But go ahead and leave the cap off the toothpaste & KABOOM!

Yup, that's me. I take a lot, but when I'm done - I'm DONE!

I also internalize things and if I don't address it immediately or if I can't fix something, I stew in it - and that never ends well.

I would much rather spin around in circles and twirl in ay pretty dress, while looking up at the sunshine reaching for butterflies...

I just want to love, love, love, love, love. Give hugs & smile. Flirt and give kisses. I love to know people are happy.

I don't like to be mad, I don't like to be sad, I don't like to hurt other people - whether they deserve it or not.

I've been re-evaluating quite a bit lately.
Re-evaluating myself & my relationships; people in my life, people I've hurt, people who've hurt me. Do I make amends? Do I write them off? (I'm not at all good at that) or Do I suck it up and deal with it?

In my heart, there are a lot of things I feel I've forgiven. Once I say what I need to say, it's out there and I'm done. However, I've now dropped what I've been feeling on the other person & it's their turn to internalize, analyze, stew & maybe explode.

Ok, so whatever...Moving on.

Yes, I've exploded & there are now little bits of Jenn stuck to places. Some I need to clean up. Some are other people's messes - and some I just need to think about.

In all of this, I'm given the phrase...

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours.

If it doesn't - it never was.

Now I let go...I let go of my anger, my fear, my hurt and my refusal to forgive - people and situations, as well as the pain that comes along with it.

I forgive, I move forward & embrace the love in my life.

I hope you will be a part of it!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert.
During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE"

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but his friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE"

The friend, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand,
and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us,
we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Ok, Ladies...Have you had a clothes shopping moment that you tried to hide from your dearly beloved?

Oh, who am I talking to..OF COURSE YOU HAVE!

Happily, I've lost some weight and have dropped a pants size!

I know you can't see me, but I'm doing the happy dance!

Needless to say, I needed to go shopping. (like I need an excuse) Yes, of course I've saved my skinny jeans - but this particular size is not considered skinny to me yet, so they took the ol' heave ho.

I'm a dot com shopper. I have no patience for searching through racks, trying things on, etc. I'd much rather look at the website see what looks cute, buy it - try it on in the comfort of my own home & THEN take it back to the store if I don't like it.

I don't always hide my shopping. My hubby is pretty good with the "if you want it, go get it" (within reason of course) and I also work, so I also contribute.

This particular shopping expedition was pretty big & came in a large box. Not something he's used to seeing. Usually my shipments come in during the week, via UPS when I can try everything on, take off the tags & get rid of the evidence. Not today.

TODAY, the mailman delivered the large box. TODAY, hubby was here to see my daughter lug the large box from the mailman to the front door.

She rang the doorbell & I see her struggling with this giant box. Eek. Poor thing. I had no idea she was collecting mail or it would be delivered in a giant box. I took the box from my poor struggling child & then took off running with her in tow.

I hurriedly opened the box, took out all my purchases dumped all my stuff on the bed & gave her the empty box saying, "Quick, go hide this downstairs in the laundry room."

Like a good little woman in training, she dutifully did so without question. She knew. What a good little student.

Not 2 seconds after she emerges from the basement, here he comes... dun dun dun...

So whatever...We've all established at one point in time that I'm a really sucky liar. I used to lie like it was my job when I was younger & got snagged over and over again. I realize I'm not smart enough to pull it off. Even the stupid stuff that I just throw out there to buy a little time because I don't feel like dealing with it right now will come back to bite me.. so whatever. Yeah, I got snagged.

I'd love to hear YOUR snagged shopping stories!

Ok, so if you're a man reading this - you are never allowed to divulge if you are on to your wife's secret shopping. You know we're just trying to keep ourselves pretty for you.