Wife Poisons Husband’s Cereal to Avoid Sex With Him

A woman in Las Vegas put poison in her husband's cereal because she was tired of having sex with him. Andrea Heming pleaded guilty two years ago to the charge before fleeing prior to her sentencing. She has yet to be caught.

Guess she was tired of his Grape Nuts. Golden Grahams meets golden showers. Apple Jacks -- well, there's a dirty joke there thanks to the word "jacks" that we're just too classy to make.

Heming, who claims her husband had unwanted sex with her while she slept, told police she didn't want to kill her husband, who goes by the name "Ralph." "I wouldn't use that much to kill him, but just enough to make him not have an erection," she said.

Heming, who authorities believed hightailed it to Mexico, put boric acid in Ralph's cereal, as well as slipping it into energy drinks and whipped cream. Boric acid, for those of you non-homicidal types out there, is used to kill cockroaches.

Ralph and Heming had been married for four years. He suffered bouts of diarrhea and nose bleeds for six months before catching on to what she was doing.

Heming is looking at 15 years behind bars, which, let's be honest, is better than Life.