Getting In Touch With Your Sexuality

Some years before I met Alex I was going out with a guy who I fell head over heels with. My feelings were so deep that I thought that I loved him. I did say “thought”, yes. Because I think you can believe that you are in love with someone until you really find Mr Right and then you “know” that you love them.

He was the first boyfriend I had had who encouraged me to be me and feel relaxed in his company. You know how some guys/girls can almost make you feel the need to be on best behaviour. This guy didn’t, I could even fart comfortably in his presence. Lol

In previous relationships I had found the need to be who they wanted me to be, even when it came to having sex with them. Again, I use that term because I wasn’t in love with them, I just thought I was. I think there has always been a need in me to find my soul mate, the one I would share the rest of my life with. This blinded me to the truth, even masked the unfaithful activities of previous lovers.

With him I discovered one evening after a night out with the married couple a few door away that I was truly bisexual. I had inklings of liking other girls throughout my teens but thought it was just one of those rights of passage that most girls go through. It wasn’t…

I have written in depth about our first encounter when we were trying on my underwear for each other and how one thing led to another. Before we knew it we were rolling around on our bed licking, fondling and fingering each other.

At one point her husband entered the room and lay on the bed next to me, trying to get in on the action. He withdrew when it was apparent from our infatuation with each other, which nobody was going to interrupt that he wasn’t going to be part of our sexual tryst.

You need to read back in to the archives to find out what happened, lets just say that we had quite a thing going for a month or so.

I didn’t realise, neither did the other couple, that my boyfriend had recorded the events as they unfurled on his camera. I clearly remember him sending them off to a discreet laboratory somewhere in the south of the country to have them developed. I bet they made a copy for themselves too. How many other naughty photos are out there in the wrong hands? Those guys at the labs must have had a ball.

Some days later, I think perhaps a week or more, the photos were delivered by the postman and we eagerly tore open the envelope. They were very explicit and naughty for the time and we got 2 copies, one for the neighbours too. 😉

When I eventually split up from him, he gave me the photos (I’m not sure if they were the only copy, of that I can never be sure!) to take with me. I placed them in the cardboard box of my possessions and left.

Several months later I met Alex. He was a very kind and caring not just wanting to get inside my pants guy and I liked him very much from the start. So much so that I wanted to be straight with him from the start.

I wanted to tell him everything about me but one thing scared me…I just didn’t know how I was going to tell him I was bisexual. I know a lot of guys dream of having a girlfriend who can enjoy both the female and male form but at that time I was a little naÃ¯ve about those things. We all have to start somewhere. Lol

It took me a couple of weeks, until I thought I had got to know him quite well and could not imagine him being unkind to me if I revealed my secret. I recall we had been out for a few drinks and a dance at a club and we were both a little inebriated. The conversation was flowing and I thought the time was right to come clean.

I braced myself and almost held my breath after I revealed to him that I was bisexual and had encounters with another girl. I sat there rigid as he digested the information and I could almost hear the cogs turning in his head as he considered what I had just said to him. Perhaps he thought I said something else and he misheard me or that I was joking.

He knew from the expression on my face that I was being totally honest with him.

A smile appeared on his face and he said, “I thought you were going to reveal something really bad to me”. “Thanks for being so honest with me, I feel flattered that you can entrust me with that.” I smiled back at him and gave an audible sigh (I can clearly remember that moment to this day).

I remember going through the same ‘agonies’ more than once.. but my (former) husband never took it that seriously .. mostly because, I think, threesomes were of no interest to him (odd for a man).. and I wasn’t pursuring any gals at the time. “Bisexual” can be a thorny title to claim, but in an emotionally intimate relationship a must, especially if you have a same-sex lover and want to continue to see her.

My first encounter also came after an evening out with a married couple.. I totally adored her .. we were friends, too. Long story short – the 3 of us did wind up in the same bed that night – and on subsequent occassion as well – very pleasant memories indeed.

It’s great that you feel so close to share these things – and great that more of us can explore and fully enjoy our sexuality.

i know what you mean about being the type of girl “the guy” wants you to be….i am kinda stuck in that spot now. so, i do understand. it must have been so refreshing to open up to alex and have him accept you and love you unconditionally. i envy you both but also wish you the best in life.