Sheryl Sandberg's husband Dave, passed away in May of 2015. Option B is a map of the journey that Sheryl took to deal with her grief, take care of her kids, negotiate life and work and in essence, to persevere and find joy. Some map-making coordinates, in the form of research findings, come from Wharton professor and author Adam Grant.

As Sheryl says, "This book is my and Adam's attempt to share what we've learned about resilience."

Other than the partnership of two such insightful and influential people, Adam from academia and Sheryl from technology, one of my major takeaways from Option B is:

Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity - and we can build it. It isn't about having a backbone. It's about strengthening the muscles around our backbone.

Not a Book Review

This isn't so much a review of Option B as it is a way for me to process what I've read. For an interesting review check out Rebecca Ruiz's treatment. The following are notes from chapters that I find insightful.

Breathing Again

Psychologist Martin Seligman on setbacks and what can stunt our recovery:

Personalization - The belief that we are at fault

Pervasiveness - The belief that an event will affect all areas of our life

Permanence - The belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever

Kicking the Elephant Out of the Room

When we're in pain the two things we want to know:

We're not crazy to feel the way we do

We have support

The Platinum Rule of Friendship

Treat others as they want to be treated.

When addressing those who are struggling do not ask "is there anything I can do?" Instead, do something, anything.

Instead of offering support like, "you'll get through this," say "we are going to get through this together."

Self-Compassion and Self-Confidence

Self-Compassion - offering the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to a friend.

Write down three things you've done well everyday. Active contributions build confidence. I personally call this Neurotransmittin. Doing activities that release neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.

Companies should offer employees support to get through personal hardships.

Bouncing Forward

Post-traumatic Growth:

Find Personal Strength - gaining strength through adversity.

Gain Appreciation - "He who has a WHY to live for can bear almost any how." Adversity forges deeper appreciation for family, friends and being alive.

Discover more Meaning in Life - a sense of purpose rooted in the belief that one's existence has significance. When looking at this through the lens of work, meaning is often found in the service of others.

See New Possibilities - adversity can cause us to choose different pathways.

Taking Back Joy

Based on the premise that we find motivation when focusing on others, this story had a powerful impact on me. U.S. Army major Lisa Jaster was trying to gut her way through a twelve-mile march while carrying a heavy backpack. Lisa was attempting to graduate from the Army Ranger School and this was her final event. At the ten-mile mark her body was giving out when she thought of a photograph or her son wearing a Batman tee-shirt and her daughter wearing a Wonder Woman one. She had written on the photo, "I want to be their superhero." She went on to beat her target time and become one of the first three women to become an Army Ranger. I could absolutely feel Lisa's resolve in my fingertips as I touched the book.

Children's relationships with parents, caregivers, teachers and friends is critical in building resilience. The authors suggest that children:

Have some control over their lives

Learn from failure

Matter as human beings

Have real strengths to rely on

With the right support, beliefs can fuel action and become self-fulfilling.

Finding Strength Together

A key to resilience is hope.

Grounded hope - the understanding that if you take action you can make things better. A community of people with a similar vision create a shared identity. Add resilience to the group along with shared experiences, power and narratives and individuals become stronger.

Failing and Learning at Work

Resilient organizations learn from failure. This culture is enhanced when the company encourages its coworkers to acknowledge and learn from their missteps.

Debriefs - The Marines inspired Sheryl to record lessons learned after missions. This environment should be so safe that a low-level worker would feel safe and comfortable pointing out a higher-level one's mistakes.

Blind spots - Weaknesses that other people see be we do not. The culture should be such that these are pointed out safely and without retribution.

Is Sheryl too high up on the mountain?

Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook. How relevant could her advice be to those of us in base camp? Forged in the fires of deep loss, Sheryl's experience is humanly common. What makes it relate-able is, and this is my perception, her ability to empathize has grown over the last few years. I appreciate how the book looks at facing adversity, building resilience and finding joy through the lens of life and work.

What moves Option B into my Smoked-n-Signed category is Sheryl's co-author Adam Grant. Adam is an organizational psychologist (and professor) who produces concise and clear rhetoric based on his experimentation and research - a Malcolm Gladwell type only with the Ph.D. From the kind of stuff he writes about; if you didn't know that Adam is a thirty-something you'd swear he has to be a sixty-something. From his photo he can't be anything but a twenty-something.

Do you look at an object or device and wonder, "how might this work better?" or, "Is there a better way?"

Do you go to the post office, spend 15 minutes trying to figure out what priority mail is and the difference between it and other services and then stand in line for another 20 minutes only to find out you filled out the wrong forms? On a side note, I just visited the USPS home page and there isn't one mention of priority mail.

While ordering at a fast food restaurant you notice a sign that says, "order it your way." So you make three changes to a standard order. The order taker tells you to wait over there. After 10 minutes the restaurant receives the phone call that you've been dreading. Your change in the order caused the corporate computers to crash. And now everyone is looking at you.

Bernadette Jiwa calls all of the above opportunities - "...problems begging for a solution - ideas that give consideration to the context in which they will become meaningful."

Bob says, "Hey that post office is a mind-numbing disaster, if they were to do this and that..." The post office debacle is an opportunity and Bob's suggestion to do this and that is a hunch. According to Bernadette a hunch is

A combination of insight and foresight, brought about by understanding what is and questioning what could be. It can feel like a snap judgement or a sudden spark of inspiration, but it's informed by our expertise, past experiences and the practice of noticing patterns and anomalies in the world around us.

In Hunch Bernadette teaches us to be observant for opportunities, define the problem and take it through a creative process to "invent, create and serve."

In Part Three of the book Bernadette, using case studies and guided exercises, breaks down three of the major forces coursing through Hunch. Curiosity, Empathy and Imagination. We learn how people like Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, go from hunch to successful product or service (in Sara's case insane success!). Bernadette begins the guided exercises with a prompt - what's the problem you observe? Then comes action - placing physicality to research, questions and notes. Finally there's insight - guided questions and exercises to gain the most from the prompts and action.

While Hunch is laced with design thinking, Ms. Jiwa never specifically mentions it. It's one of the things I most appreciate about the book.

Grab your camera, notebook and Hunch and venture out into a world of possibility that's waiting just for you!

Writing Down the Bones is a collection of essays on writing. If the act of writing was a car, then Natalie's book is a map. Use it to navigate the city of your writing life. Natalie Goldberg is a teacher who channels the experience of life, work and Zen, a school of Chinese Buddhism, into her lessons. She formally studied Zen under Zen Master Dainin Katagiri.

As a teacher, Natalie wants her students to be "writing down the bones". She considers this the essential, awake speech of a person's mind. Writing Down the Bones helps to keep us observant and awake.

The following are chapters from Natalie's book with quotes and thoughts that resonate with me.

Introduction

"This book is about writing. It is also about using writing as your practice, as a way to help you penetrate your life and become sane."

First Thoughts

On free writing. Natalie talks about tapping into our subconscious and letting our minds pour forth. I get similar results clustering.

"Our senses...take in experience, but they need the richness of sifting for a while through our consciousness and through our whole bodies. I call this composting. ...we collect experience from the decomposition of the thrown-out egg shells, spinach leaves, coffee grinds...come nitrogen, heat and very fertile soil. Out of this fertile soil bloom our poems and stories."

A List of Topics for Writing Practice

In addition to generating topics, this essay helps us to observe when we are out there in the world.

Power in the Writing

"The power is always in the act of writing." The more we write the more our thoughts evolve. Continue to write.

Man Eats Car

Your mind is a movie camera and your writing is the projector. Natalie talks about metaphors in this essay.

Obsessions

"There is freedom in being a writer and writing. I used to think freedom meant doing whatever you want. It means knowing who you are, what you are supposed to be doing on this earth, and then simply doing it."

I am personally attracted to the pieces of freedom that I find in others. Pieces of Freedom are unoppressed elements of our lives when we're the person we most wish to be, doing what we love.

Listening

"Basically, if you want to become a good writer, you need to do three things. Read a lot, listen well and deeply, and write a lot..."

"If you read good books, when you write, good books will come out of you."

Don't Marry the Fly

"When we write, many avenues open up inside of us." It's happened to me. Writing is like walking down the road and around the bend. If you don't actually walk you'll never see what keeps opening up around the bend.

A Tourist in Your Own Town

"A writer's job is to make the ordinary come alive, to awaken ourselves to the specialness of simply being."

In "Why Do I Write?", "Every Monday" and "More About Mondays", Natalie explores what writing means to her. In my own writing I write to elicit an emotional acknowledgement from readers. If I can get that then I've connected in a deep and meaningful way.

I've read Writing Down the Bones multiple times and with each reading I discover new meaning. The theme that does remain constant and the one that I envision is that of Natalie as a teacher slash big sister. She tells me, "Soak in your life David. Allow your soul to swirl in it. This experience will manifest in your writing. Trust in it, be kind to it and place no pressure upon it. You will make those emotional connections."

Carla, a twenty-four year old full time college student, full time single Mom and part time Medical Scribe, takes time between classes to reflect on the true meaning of family and friendships. Inspired by a clip from President Obama's farewell speech, Carla invokes mid-Twentieth century family and community values and encourages readers to once again engage, to appreciate the important things in life and to reach out and help each other.

I haven't really spoke about the election and Obama leaving. Everyone has their own opinion about this and I am sad that we cannot have him for another 4 years and so on. But election and Obama leaving aside, this clip is extremely valuable because personally I think our generation is slowly forgetting the true meaning of family and the true meaning of friendship before relationship. We want everything so fast but we don't want to take the time to form relationships between family and friends. The way this man views his wife is beyond aspiring because you don't see that anymore. What we see is unhappiness, cheating and divorce. Growing up there was no divorce, you worked out your problems, communicated and stayed together. Rarley did I hear of people getting divorced and now it's more common then marriage. It's like oh let's get married, few months later divorce papers are on the kitchen counter. Another thing I have observed is that there is so much cheating nowadays, when did cheating become okay and acceptable? My thing is if you "have or want" to cheat, leave. Why make the other person suffer and go through all that pain for your pleasure? Now that person who was cheated on will have trust issues because their significant other decided to go outside of their relationship and break the bond of trust between them. There are no excuses of why it's "okay and acceptable" to cheat. If your unhappy and miserable then communicate, if no changes are made then you know maybe it is okay to go your own ways, find yourself and then find someone who is for you. I guess I miss seeing and hearing about happiness and about how much people love their significant other, value their significant other and appreciate their significant other. We are all young but doesn't mean we should be immature about situations or not know how to value and appreciate the important things in life.

You may say well I wasn't raised in a household that had values and appreciation. Well that's an excuse because that may be true but doesn't mean you can't learn how to value or appreciate the important things in life.

As we go through life we never stop learning. I mean my family is extremely important to me and I learn new things everyday about them. I also learn to be a better mother to my daughter everyday, learning never stops. It stops when you give up on life. Our world may seem like it's going up in flames but doesn't mean we stop learning.

I don't know this is just my personal opinion and anyone who I am friends with I just wish you just a lifetime of happiness and I hope that you find value in your significant others (if your single well then shit find value in yourself or your family and friends).

We all are one and we all are here to help each other. If you forgot that, then as you can in college contact an elementary school and ask to sit in a kindergarten class and observe the interactions between tiny humans and maybe that will make you remember that we ALL are one and we ALL are here to help each other.

This is my first opinion on social media lol if you disagree or agree, you can comment and tell me why. But if you comment, all I ask is you have an open mind.

Tim Sanders is offering a bonus package with the pre-order / purchase of his new book Dealstorming.

Value is fickle, sometimes prickly and it seems, never the same for anyone. The value I find in Tim's package is how he talks about networking in Relationship Power, an e-book he includes in the bonus package.

Dealstorming is $18.91 today at Amazon. Assuming you have Amazon Prime and have to pay state tax, you can get the book for less than twenty bucks.

Here's what's worth $20.00 to me. The following is in Relationship Power. Tim's story of Stanley Marcus Junior (Neiman's son). Marcus describes the essence of a true mentorship. Tim's take on sharing knowledge versus networking. Elmer Letterman's strategy for marketing and building relationships. Marcus was Tim's mentor and he turned Tim onto Letterman's practice. Finally, Tim's suggestion for continuing relationships with people who've just given you their business card.

Notice how I didn't even include Tim's book in my evaluation, not to mention the free two-hour video seminar on Dealstorming you get. I'm not sure how long Tim is running with this pre-order but I can tell you the whole package is worth at least twenty bucks.

"You don't even want to think of going in there! It took us fifteen minutes to get a cup of cheese."

I nervously smiled at the teenage couple as they walked by and shook their heads with one of those, go ahead, but we warned you looks. This was my second bad omen in twenty minutes. The first came when Rosemary gave me her order. Rosemary's fast food orders wreak terror and havoc upon these establishments. And my ensuing verbal instruction for these less than normal orders usually elicits a cow-looking-at-a-dollar stare.

Needless to say, when I walked into an empty lobby, I tentatively let out a sigh of relief. The twelve cars backed up in the drive-thru line however, did eventually prove to be Taco Bell's undoing.

I mention in my About page there would be no negativity or criticism in Rothacker Reviews. It is my hope that the Taco Bell-type stories I discuss here, be thought of as windows into real life classrooms. The opportunities to learn from these businesses or people are yours for the taking.

This Taco Bell was unique in that the only thing behind the registers was a block wall with one of those police interrogation-room windows in it. All food preparation took place around the corner and out of sight. This would have driven Rosemary nuts. She watches food prep like a lion watches a wounded bison. One wrong move and she pounces.

A loud and vocal uproar began wafting from behind the wall one minute after I had given my order. Near as I could tell, two managers were expecting eighth grade results from first grade students. The frustration in one manager's voice was slightly masked by an incredible effort to be tolerant. He was slowly losing the battle. In the next five minutes, ten people swarm the lobby and the drive-thru line doesn't appear to be moving. The pressure is mounting as the other manager sends a round of fire into two lads starting their shift. "You got name badges? she asks. Well put em' on!" Those of us who were waiting exchanged worrisome smiles. They couldn't really be killing small farm animals on the other side of the wall, could they?

In spite of their vocal outbursts, I strongly sensed these two managers were trying to do the right thing and are capable of pulling this team together. A good start would simply be for them to set clear expectations for their associates. And then, make sure those associates are trained sufficiently enough to perform up to their expectations.

After receiving my order, I didn't have the strength or stamina to open up each item to verify Rosemary's have-it-your-way request. I ended up lucking out and avoided a tongue lashing myself. They got her order right!

12/18/2015 - A couple of people are standing around waiting for their orders to be complete so we were feeling pretty good about getting in and out. Fifteen minutes later and only two people are still waiting ahead of us. Rosemary's orders are still the same. Their effect on the establishment however, has changed. I swear there are times when the orders have shut down Taco Bell's corporate IT center. So we assumed that the New Tampa location was struggling trying to put it together. To a degree that was the case.

We overhear a manager commenting to other customers that three of her coworkers are late for work. We finally get our order, check it at a table for accuracy and then leave. They did screw up one part of Rosemary's order but she didn't have the patience to take it back. Walking out the door at five minutes to the top of the hour, we pass three teenagers reporting for work.

Now what are the odds that three young people late for work all show up at the same time, minutes before the top of the hour?

I think this manager or another manager there got the location into scheduling trouble and conveniently threw the young people under the bus.

Ten years ago I used to use example like these as teaching moments for managers. I no longer have patience for that.

Mention Leonardo da Vinci and to me, it's all about the notebooks. It's estimated that Leonardo produced 14,000 pages of notes. What motivated him to take notes? I can't imagine how it could be anything but curiosity.

I think Leonardo documented a concept and then wrote to flesh it out, to learn more and to develop it. The title of Michael's book here is catnip to me. I aspire to flesh out, learn and to develop my own curiosity.

Michael tells us about the Renaissance, Leonardo's life and, devoting a chapter to each, the book's core: Seven Da Vincian Principles.

Curiosita - Curiosity and continuous learning.

Dimostrazione - To learn from mistakes and to make the most of your experience.

Sensazione - The key to optimizing our experiences is found through our senses, especially sight.

Sfumato - A willingness to embrace ambiguity, paradox and uncertainty.

If you're one of those people who wonder where authors like Stephen King gets their ideas from, this is a must read. In fact, follow along with Mr. Gelb's portrayal of how Leonardo maximized his talents and you'll be forced to give away ideas just to maintain peace of mind.

If you're into design in any way, shape or form, How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci is a must read. If I taught any design related topic this book would be in the curriculum.

If you like to journal, for any reason whatsoever, this book is a must read.

Seth calls it horizontal publishing and asks the question, "How do we get books into the hands of people who want to read them?"

Seth sent an e-mail to his core readers in October. He asks us to buy multiple copies of the book and to pass them out to others. This is horizontal distribution as opposed to the, I scribe my important message (commandment) into this tablet and pass it down to the minions who grumble at my feet hoping to pluck a crumb of my offerings.

What To Do When It's Your Turn seemingly brings design into Seth's public world. It's a book written to those who want to help others change. It's wonderfully illustrated with rich pictures, art and graphic design. For those of you who love the feel, not to mention the smell of luxurious paper stock, this book does not disappoint.

Over the last year or so I've been experimenting with how I read and learn from books. I'll talk more about that in the future but for now I will say that Seth's book offers an inviting canvass upon which to write. The tactility of this engagement amplifies learning while producing delight.

Like to comment about Seth and or his book? Head over to my Google+ page now.

I wrote about Field Notes here. My connection with Field Notes starts with Aaron Draplin. As I explained, it was how Aaron made me feel about Field Notes that provided the spark for my fire.

I jumped on the Moleskine train in 2005. The buzz in my then online communities (authors, management / leadership / marketing) made the notebook impossible to resist. Truth be told, I have always been a notebook junkie so it didn't take much.

The day my first Moleskine arrived in the mail was the day I cut the link between Moleskine and Hipsters.

To me, then, Hipsters were folks who lavished over Seth Godin and many of the top fifty or so online marketing websites. It was like they'd link to Seth to show the other Hipsters that they were cool. They'd also write stuff about marketing and their readers fed upon their words like a school of pirana feeding upon cow intestines. Actually I think it was more of a Kool-Aid thing than a cow intestine thing.

As the immature idiot I was at the time, I quit writing stuff about Seth. While he's one of my most favorite all time authors ever, and although I have this tendency to rant about people I dig, I could not associate myself with the Hipsters. In retrospect, most, no check that, all of the Hipsters were way more talented than myself and any dribble from me would have been a grain of sand in the desert worth of distinction...Dave belly laughs here!

The Moleskine notebook stood on its own. I did not need Hipster validation. I loved them! As with Aaron, one spark for me was the company's brand story of its connection as a successor to the legendary notebooks used by yesteryear's rockstar artists like Vincent van Gogh. While the notebooks are not the same ones used by the previous two centuries worth of artists, the story mesmerized me. That alone however, would not be enough. Plain and simple, it's the way my pen feels in my hands as I write in the Moleskine that seals the deal. It. Just. Feels. Good. So, brand story plus tactility keeps me buying Moleskines.

I devoted a couple of Pocket Reporter Notebooks to grocery shopping over the past few years. Both basically fell apart. That crack in the Moleskinearmor led me to start using the Field Note memo book for grocery store duties. So far so good.

To me, notebook usage is an evolving phenomena. I began to use a Quiver pen holder with my Pocket Moleskine Classic and it enriches the experience. Still, I lovethe Field Notes memo book. So I will continue to use them as well.

One more thing about the Field Notes memo book: It inspires me to get out of the house and go record stuff.

I recently subscribed to the Field Notes seasonal edition release. When that first batch of Field Notes memo books hit my door I looked at them and thought, "Now you really got to get your butt out in the field and take notes!"

Feel like saying something? Head over to my Google + page and fire away.