Fierce Me Real Good!

Well, Dave and I closed down another cyle of ANTM last night. I would share pictures of our model snacks- Amy’s veggie pizzas, pita chips, mango salsa and diet Sprite–but my computer is making things difficult.

If you didn’t see it, last night’s winner proved that the distance between bitter and fierce is a truckload of therapy. Jaslene got some (as the whole world should), and it paid off.

I have to say, if I were Renee I would feel a little bitter, too. They took a candidate for a CoverGIRL shoot who is already a little brassy and “mature” looking and put her on shimmering water, in gold lame’ (large sequins? fish scale? what was she wearing?), overlit her, and all of this on an incredibly sunny day. Poor thing probably burned a hole on the back of her eyeballs during the shoot just trying to keep her eyes open. That much sun is bound to put your skin tone outside of the 90-something that Covergirl “matches.” I will say Renee did put on a good act (her gift) during the ad lib Covergirl rave talk.

I was shocked that Natasha beat Renee into the final two. Was it N’s “I’m going to laugh my way onto their last nerve” circus act? Did the judges just want one last chance to see what nuttiness she’d bring to the catwalk? She certainly didn’t dissappoint, managing to walk right out of her skirt(!) without so much as a thought given to trying to keep it up. Does the phrase “put your hand on your hip” not translate into Russian? And from Nigel (the straight judge): “She made it look intentional.” Ding, ding! We have a winner!

While Nigel, God love him, gets the award for the most naively perceptive statement made by a heterosexual man in a gay television series, Jaslene walked away with the contracts. What exactly happens when the unapproachable glamour of a Versace siren meets the work ethic of an east European gymnist? I’m not sure about the science behind it, but long story short, Jaslene starts raining fierce-bombs powerful enough to blow the heels right off Ms. Jay’s size 12s.

So she talks like she has a few gobstoppers under her tongue, who cares? How many supermodels do you ever hear say more than one or two lines? She’s strong, principled, self-possessed, and most importantly for her line of work, she could sell a trash bag if she wore it with the right shoes.

It’s Jaslene’s world now. Somewhere Jael is smiling, and whispering a high-pitched “heeere!” while trying to hold her breath.

16 Comments on “Fierce Me Real Good!”

Excellent summary Troy! Thanks for being such a good host. I loved that Claire got excited when Jaslene won. For photo proof that Jaslene deserved to win, jump on over to runningpeanut. They’ve already got one of her photos in her gallery.

Last night was a tough night for me – Both of my girls landed third place! I was relieved Jaslene won once I knew Renee was eliminated. I don’t think I could have watched future ANTM seasons if Natasha had won. I couldn’t believe how awful her commercial was and yet she still made it to the top two. Ugh.

Loved your recap! I wish I could have been at the party, although I would have wanted regular Sprite. ANTM accepts plus-size models, too, you know.

I don’t watch ANTM (at least not unless it’s some marathon on VH1 and I am bored) BUT, Covergirl doesn’t match a thing. I don’t care what Queen Latifah says. I can’t find one shade of their makeup that matches me and I know my behind isn’t as “dark” as some of their “models”.
Poor girl…but I did laugh at your eyeball reference.
In fact I think I might have snorted.

I’m all for more brother-in-law pictures, but if I posted the pancake picture (For readers who are not relatives, the pic is of Ben as a toddler, standing in his chair at the breakfast table eating his pancakes wearing only his little t-shirt), this bother-in-law would probably go to jail.

Just ask Johh about the photo. IT is not much better than Ben’s. The thing that gets me is the cheerleading skirt really fit. Either I was super skinny or Sheri was not. Either way, tar from the roof top does not come completely out of a white skirt. Go figure.