It is a time of fear in the face of freedom, a time of an emptying country and swelling cities, a time for the widening of previous roads and the opening of new paths, yet a time when these paths are mined by knowing algorithms of the all-seeing eye. It is the time of the warrior's peace and the miser's charity, when the planting of a seed is an act of conscientious objection. These are the times when maps fade, old landmarks crumble and direction is lost. Forwards is backwards now, so we glance sideways at the strange lands through which we are all passing, knowing for certain only that our destination has disappeared. We are unready to meet these times, but we proceed nonetheless, adapting as we wander, reshaping the Earth with every tread. Behind us we have left the old times, the standard times, the high times. Welcome to the irregular times.

Homeland Insecurity Alert! Al Qaeda to attack us with… BEANS

Do you remember when they used to try to scare us with stories about nuclear weapons in suitcases? Did you notice we don’t hear that one any more? These days, the Homeland Security are reaching deep down into their bag of fear stories, so deep that they’ve pulled out this one:

For more than a year, according to classified intelligence reports, Al Qaeda’s affiliate in Yemen has been making efforts to acquire large quantities of castor beans, which are required to produce ricin, a white, powdery toxin…

You read that right: the TERRORISTS are COLLECTING BEANS! Castor beans. You know, of the kind used to make castor oil, which is much more likely to loosen Americans’ bowels than this latest report.

If this really is a terrorist threat, then I encourage you to report these home-grown terrorist organizations:

Millington Seed Co. of Michigan, offering a packet of 10 castor beans for the low, low price of $1.99Georgia Vines of Georgia, offering a packet of 5 castor beans for the premium price of $2.25Bouncing Bear Botanicals of Kansas, selling packets of 5 castor beans for utter rip-off price of $5.00

Liberal Buttons, Political Bumper Stickers and Sweat-Free Shirts

To keep our voices independent of moneyed interests, the writers of Irregular Times have never accepted money for advertising on this website. But we still have to pay the bills! To help cover our expenses, we sell our own designs of liberal activist bumper stickers, buttons and sweatshop-free shirts.