Is there a Paragraph of the Year Award (Canada’s Genetic Lottery Winner division)? Because Justin Dallaire needs to win.

“As a writer, he will pitch some stories, such as a profile of Kevin O’Leary, based on conversations with upper-middle-class friends and interactions at the Toronto Lawn Tennis Club, a private tennis club in a tony Toronto neighbourhood, where he’s a member of the board.His non-journalist friends, however, defend his social awareness. Jennifer Bishop is the president of the board at the club and Kay’s tennis partner; she won a provincial championship with him in 2014. On more than one occasion, she has threatened to email Jennifer Good, his wife and a lawyer he met at McGill, asking her not to let him wear certain clothes on the court. One shirt with an eight-inch alligator on its breast was particularly bothersome, but as a matter of principle — it was a gift from his Filipino nanny — he insisted on wearing it.”

I had to leave Dallaire a comment:

Whether you wrought this intuitively or via hours of keyboard pounding effort, I can’t tell. But it is spectacularly Wolfe-ian. I almost hate you.

And the possibility that you yourself are “a” “Dallaire” makes it all the more exquisitely something or other. I am literally wiping away a tear, the sort that springs when you’ve bitten into a particularly sour pickle.