WAHAHAHHAHA! My blog title is so rude I almost cried reading it!! Don't you just want to slap me with a piece of freshly painted char siew?!

My dear blog readers, especially those pioneering ones who has been here since Eddy era, I wanna say something:

I AM SORRY!!

No lah, really lah. You know why? Coz I just realised what a horrible person I am. You guys, most of you anyway, have always been very nice and supportive of what I do. Instead of being appreciative and kind-hearted to you all, I chose to focus on the cynical, rude people and somehow managed to convince myself *gasp* that my READERS ARE ALL EVIL!

When in actual fact I should not be giving any attention to these people who are delibrately stabbing me! They deserve ignoring. My attention should be given, in the form of gratitude, to those who wrote me such wondrous encouragements and those who were by my side all the while!

You know what my blogders? I am such a horrible person. I am also a little schizophrenic lah. I sometimes think, wow, I am quite lucky hor, to get people supporting me. AND THEN THAT EVIL LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD, the one that sounds like Ben Stiller in Dodgeball, will holler over the kindred voice in a menacing matter and say, "TO HELL WITH THAT XIAXUE! YOU WRITE WELL! YOU EARNED ALL OF YOUR READERS YOURSELF KNN!!"

Yes, complete with the 'kannina'.

But no no no ... No one is obligated to be nice to me. I cannot think that way! It's wrong and I am a nice person!

I am in fact very very privileged to have blogders being supportive of me. =)

Damn, I wouldn't even have so many guys trying to ask me for sex! (if that is a good thing at all)

I shall stop being a fucking arrogant whore and acknowledge that it is my blogders who made me who I am today. (At this point of time please imagine me flashing a wide smile to you).

No lah, this is not PR, really. C'mon, I admitted I am a selfish whore, how can that possibly be PR?

SO ... you are possibly thinking you did nothing much by just reading me, can I please move on to why I ask ugly people to go to hell?

Sure.

Let me admit something to you:

The title is irrelevant to the topic/s of the day!

MUAHAHAHAHA! It is to attract attention! It is just to make ugly people angry! Aha aha ahahaha!

Come to think of it, I do have an "ugly" story to tell.

First of all let me put a disclaimer. You ask furiously, "Do you discriminate against ugly people Xiaxue?"

If I were a plastic surgeon I would say yes, please come and I will help you, but pay me GOOD $$$$ first! But since I am just a blogger, I would say no. Why no? Because I am definitely not good looking myself (although that does not necessarily mean I cannot discriminate ugly people but please let it pass). What? You think I am pretty? Oh man, do not believe anything in the virtual world! Whatever makes you think I am not some fat bastard typing this? In actual fact the point is that ugly people do not affect me and some of them are actually rich, so they are ok.

So anyway.

There was this once I was at Jurong East MRT and I saw this ugly couple. OH MAN! I know it! Some holy people (possibly people who sincerely believe that "there is some good in everyone". Screw that. I know some people who are JUST made solely out of evilness, wanna intro?) out there will be saying "Who are you to judge who is ugly and who is pretty, Xiaxue?". Oh STFU I say. TRUST ME, THEY ARE UGLY. *nods head violently*

Shianux and I had this argument once and we agreed that although there is no universal standards for being good-looking, there IS a sort of universal standard for, erm, ugliness. For example, no offence to people with lumps, people with lumps are ... definitely not sexy.

Back to the ugly couple. Let me vividly describe how they look like. The man is a lanky thing with thick, thick spectacles. He was carrying a huge haversack and was wearing exactly what you imagine (OMG, how do these people do that?!).

May I also add that he has a receding hairline and a relatively pimple-scarred face? Oh yes, with an underbite too.

I imagine he is a technician.

If you think that man came out of the eighties, wait till you see the terror clung on to his arm like a starved leech.

A short, thick-set lady in clothes too small for her, she has this permanently unpleasant look on her face - like she just swallowed something revolting. And swallowed again. And again. You read The Order Of The Phoenix? Yes, she looks totally like how I imagine Professor Umbridge to look like. Her face had this "punched in" look about it, and her eyes are semi-protruding and beady.

This lady was holding on to the technician's elbow for dear life, and one can only presume that they were a couple. THE HORRORS! THE KIDS! THE SEX! OMG THE SEX!

He picked it up, and in my point of view, spoke in a rather business-like manner. His girlfriend stared up at him with her beady eyes laced with suspicion, and 20 secs into his speech, started barking incessantly at him to ask him who it was.

I wanted to slap her but I thought her eyes might pop out and spurt on my face.

Ahem.

Clearly it was a business phone call and he ignored her and turned a little in the opposite direction.

He continued ignoring her, which was a bad move because she continued barking louder and louder. Finally, while the man was concluding his business call with a plastic grin, she decided to fold her arms and sulk in a totally unappealing manner. Well, at least she stopped talking.

Bless them for coming out in public.

The guy kept his 8210 back into his haversack and realised that his girlfriend is no longer standing beside him. He looked over his shoulder and realised she had stayed put from the moment she begin sulking, and was determindedly looking at the floor.

He sighed, I presume, not because he is concerned over how upset she is but over the fact that people are beginning to stare at her.

Man, she is ugly.

Look, I cannot help it. As I look upon this scene, she looked so grouchy that her ugliness seemed to be magnified a million times. While she radiated and exuded ugliness with all her might, all the flowers within a ten mile radius withered and somewhere, a puppy is being tortured.

The courageous man walked towards her, braving the strong waves of ugliness, exasperation written on every scar on his face.

They begin conversing in rapid Chinese. The lady started asking him who it was. Yes, I heard everything because I was sitting down very close to where the sulky lady chose to stand.

Apparently somebody from his office had called, and she doesn't even know whether it is male or female when she started to get paranoid. When she realised it is indeed female, she pressed on about who she is, refusing to move on.

The guy, a quiet, nervous type, managed to convince her that that was just a business call and nothing else. She said, "Make sure it stays that way!" and decided that she is pacified.

MY SWEET LORD.

What on Earth is wrong with that old fucker? Seriously speaking, what's the point of being attached to an ugly git if you still feel insecure? Hello, if she dated Tay Ping Hui, then naturally she would wonder every minute whether he has succumbed to some random fan's sexual tantalizations.

BUT LOOK AT THE TWERP SHE HAS FOR A BF!

Nobody wants him lah HELLO!?! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA - HE IS UGLY LIKE FUCK! If the girl on the line heard how she reacted, she WOULD LAUGH CAN? I say, make up your mind lah lady. It is quite obvious that if he could get someone better, he would have dumped you straightaway. I would. And since it is quite obvious he cannot get someone better, why worry?

I HAVE NO PATIENCE for people like that. If you lose your guy to a third party, it is no one's fault but YOUR OWN. Why not go do some self-examination? Is it your breasts? Are they too small? Or is the other girl willing to do fabulous blowjobs while you only did 5 in five years (and not swallowing too!)?

I say girls - instead of being siao like that ugly lady, just go improve your attitude towards your guys lah, and shut up about breaking up too.

I am so sick of people saying they want to break up and do not do it. When you ask them the next day, "What did he say about the break up?", they look determindedly away and mumble that they didn't break up after all. When you ask "Why?", they give you a patronising nonsensical answer like "Hiyah, like that lor".

ALL GO DIE!

I am sick and tired of being a relationship consultant. People PRETEND to listen to my advice, and the next day they continue, in some cases, to be abused by their partners - and gimme that same patronising statement. WHY ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Don't lah! Just don't break up! Don't even think about it, YOU WILL NOT DO IT!

Anyway, you will never guess where my mum is right now:

SUICIDE MISSION. 2am (make it 2:50am now as I vet this), and she is somewhere, stopping this simpering (yet another) female fucker who threatened suicide because of bloody relationship problems.

MY MUM HAS TO FUCKING WORK TOMORROW IN THE MORNING. CAN YOU STOP DEPRIVING HER OF HER SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH ANTICS?

You know what I think of such people? I think they should JUST DIE. They want to die right? Sure! Who are we to stop them from doing things they want to do? It's their life!

But does this girl sincerely want to die?

NO!

Time and again she calls my mum (thank god for free incoming) and my mum counsels her, patiently repeating the same things over and over again. Even I can memorise the speech. But does she listen? NO! She WANTS, she CHOOSES, to wallow in self-pity!

Oooh I am so miserable why doesnt he love me anymore my life is all about him blah blah yadda yadda YEAH BITCH WHY DON'T YOU GO RUN YOURSELF OVER WITH A BULLDOZER AND STOP MAKING MY MUM MAKE ME DO THE LAUNDRY BECAUSE SHE IS SO TIRED AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FIVE HOURS?!

These pathetic people just want ATTENTION. In their miserable existence they are not getting enough from their lovers because, as abovementioned, they are just losers. So they weep around, hoping that their "friends" will show concern for them. Tell you what, tearduct: Your friends are all sick and tired of you. Just go and die.

But ho ho ho! How are u supposed to die if you expressly ask your 'friends' to come rescue you?

If she wants to die, just jump off lah. Why must she inform everyone? Why is she waiting for them to come to her? Just ... plop! There you go, off to heaven where people might actually appreciate you!

Oh, I know what the whiner wants my mum to do! She wants my mum to go over to her place, with her LOVER in toil. She then hopes that the star-crossed lover will see her in a horrible state without him, preferably with some bleeding wrists and a tear-strained face.

I don't understand why some females are so fuck-stupid. Whatever makes them think the guy will come back to them if they behave like this? GUYS HAVE COMMITMENT PHOBIA! They are terrified that they will never be able to leave you (ever!) if you threaten suicide everytime he goes to the loo for 5 minutes of solitaire. They will come back for a short while and buay tahan and leave; and then you commit suicide again.

I hope you succeed this time round.

If you don't, the guy will be driven crazy and he turns necrophilic. It is all YOUR fault that they world has perverts.

Anyway, back to the girl who just wouldn't die. (I hope to see her on the papers tomorrow. Oops? Cruel is it? Too bad, I told you I have no patience for depressed people - esp those depressed over trivial RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS)

She just hopes that my mum will bring her lover to her, and, in the optimum situation, they kiss and make up. My mum will then fade into the background, a healthy glow and hearty smile on her face because she has helped a couple get back together.

SHE WISH.

That will NOT happen, and she is troubling my mum FOR NOTHING. My mum is doing this shitwork out of goodwill - and as far as I know she is not even a good friend of my mum's and has never benefited my mum in any way.

What a raw deal mommy is getting! You save the fellow's life and I bet she will not be there when my mum ever needs her as a friend. Why? Coz she is busy screwing some other person who will finally cause her to commit suicide all over again. OOPS! Did I say 'commit suicide'? My bad - 'commit suicide again' is oxymoronic. I meant to say 'pretend to commit suicide'.

In fact, I told my mum just now, before she wasted goddamn petrol and sleep on this possibly dead person (this is the 3rd time she is making my mum rush out like this so I highly doubt she will die, but wish me luck), just ignore her and she will learn to grow up and accept life lah!

In fact, I even suggested to my mum that she can make me some pancakes as I am hungry. Surely making pancakes for her daughter is more important than saving a determinded suicider?

My mum gave me this "Don't be selfish" look and sped off.

ALAS. Someone give my mum a nobel prize.

******************************

I've just been at a forum where someone said his favourite blog entry of mine was on the 16th of May, 2003.

I checked and realised it is the blog entry where I stated all my molest cases. What a weird favourite. Never mind that.

And I continued reading the blog, and realised that somewhere in transition, I SEEM TO HAVE LOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

How come last time write until so funny! S-O-H, please come back to me!!!

I know liao lah. Coz I was a happy person then. Really. I used to smile when I am writing, which is why the entries all sound quite happy - I think.

And also because I feel so much less restricted. I HATE IT! I hate it when so many people say: "Siao, like that also can be best Singaporean Blog ah?"

So to live up to that name, I cannot write about nonsense anymore.

But well, blogder Cedric reminded me yesterday that it is very obvious when I am writing for an audience and when I write for myself. In this case, I shall boh chup and write whatever comes from the heart in future! So what if this entry will let me have hate mails from depressed suicidal girls and their friends? Who cares? It's my opinion and it's not about to change.

Hurray for blogders! To celebrate this newfound freedom, I shall blog till I die of finger cramps! Another blog entry coming up soon. =)

Updated: Blogger couldn't be opened yesterday night so this entry is only published now (4:14pm, Sept 30th)

Author's Note: Fine, I will take out the City Harvest part, although my opinion remains. And NO, I do not have to account to you about my opinions. If you cannot take it, go read some other demure blog. Plenty of those out there the last I heard.I maintain that I do not have ANY patience for suicidal people. If they meet some trauma and turn depressed, I WILL BE THERE AS A FRIEND, no problem. But in my mum's case the fellow has been suicidal for 3 months at least. Enough is enough. If she refuses to recover, then just go die and stop bothering everyone.