Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Walking around in a room full of dead people isn’t as creepy as you would think. Until you get to the part of the exhibit that shows the front torso of a woman bearing a 4½-month child, and then you start to get a bit squeamish.

Mind=blown, I know.

For full effect, download “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

Walking through the Boise Discovery Center this afternoon, I couldn’t help but wonder to myself, ‘What freakshow of an entrepreneur came up with the idea to petrify dead people, cut them up into different pieces, arrange them in active poses, and then charge people $20 a pop to gawk at them all day long?’

Our body is one of the most repulsive, nauseating, tingle-taunting conceptions ever made; one of the most intricately laid out, most absurd organisms to walk the graces of this green Earth. For a person that has more than double-digit brain cells to think that this creation we are all sitting in at this very moment is a thing that evolved from a one-celled amoeba, anemically budding from a pot of goop 65 million years ago, HOW IN THE NAME OF HOLY HELL WERE YOU GIVEN ANY TYPE OF DEGREE CERTIFYING YOUR EDUCATION?!

Whew! Got that off my chest.

This exhibit was actually the best entertainment that $18 could buy this afternoon, as myself and two lovely ladies killed the few hours that we had in between sessions by gawking at lumps of prostate cancer, lungs with emphysema, and spleens. Sadly, some of the students that we all talked to this afternoon had less intelligence than the dead people who were on display.

Jane Doe: “Like, I know you’re a college in video gaming development, but do you have any culinary arts programs?”

John Doe: “St. George, Utah? Like, is that in Georgia?”

John Doe’s Dad: “So do you work for this college?”

Swamp Thing: “No sir, I actually am a hippie who beat up a very tall, very attractive, very intelligent man in the alleyway who conveniently was wearing my same exact size of clothes, got on Wikipedia, downloaded a crash course in the history of this random school behind me, memorized the school song, memorized the programs and degrees offered, meanwhile I luckily had business cards being printed off at Kinko’s that had both my name and phony title being printed on it, dropped those off on the table in front of you, stole a suitcase full of arbitrary flyers, broke in the back door of some huge convention center in Idaho, all of this being done just so I could STAND BEHIND A TABLE FOR SEVEN HOURS UNPAID AND ANSWER THE SAME REDUNDANT QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!”

Is what I should have said.

Swamp Thing: “Yes sir I am, and it’s a pleasure talking with great people such as yourself.”