Even as the Reagan-Bush administration promised to minimize the scope and size of the federal government, it waged a gratuitous, invasive, multi-front campaign against pleasure-seeking: It reinvigorated the War on Drugs, pushing through grotesquely draconian laws that have helped create a national drug-gulag system the envy of every two-bit dictatorship.

As Jose Canseco conspires with Oliver Stone on a movie treatment involving a steroid conspiracy within Major League Baseball that goes all the way to the commissioner's office, think about all the two-bit actors who could play the part of Bud Selig.

When Boris Yeltsin dissolved Russia's duly elected parliament in September, the Clinton Administration and its faithful in the media twisted themselves into contortions to deny the obvious: that Yeltsin had acted like any two-bit dictator.

Two-cent predictions on the Super Bowl from two-bit celebrities who wouldn't return our calls (probably because we never bothered to call in the first place), so as usual, we had to make 'em up because it just works better that way:

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