1944 - Winston Churchill invents the artificial vagina and is hailed a hero. Hitler is crushed by this and committed suicide several months later

1945 - Josef Stalin invents Soviet artificial vagina, one hundred times younger, tighter, prettier and tastier than Churchill's. Long live Comrade Stalin! Long live the artificial vagina! Long live the Revolution! Long live the Workers, who can now wank with greater realism than the downtrodden hand-dependents of the Capitalist world! Down with Churchill! Down with Capitalism! Down with Marks and Spencers! Down with Facism! Down with Debenhams and Waitrose! Down with hands, tissues and vaseline!