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I have read so many articles bemoaning the fact that porn creates unrealistic ideas for men about women’s bodies. I’ve also read countless articles about how porn gives men ideas that “all women” like to do certain acts that not all women actually enjoy. The bottom line in these articles is how damaging porn is for women when it leads to men creating unrealistic expectations for and about women’s sexuality and their bodies.

However, what I haven’t seen a lot of articles talking about is the damage that porn does to men about their own body images. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve had sex with who are ashamed of their penises because of what they see in porn. They assume that they are small or undersized based on the disproportionately large cocks they see in porn films.

All of us know that it is taboo for heterosexual guys to check out other guys in the locker rooms or at the urinals. That’s just not done unless a man wants to get labeled as gay (see: rampant homophobia in the US) or be attacked for inappropriate sexual behavior. The result is that most heterosexual men are pretty clueless about what other adult men’s penises look like when they’re both flaccid and erect. The penises they’ve seen are through porn, and those cocks aren’t what the average man looks like. Some of those porn penises are actually downright scary and intimidating in their sizes!

One man I had sex with had me convinced in advance of our first sexual encounter that he had a micropenis because of how small he swore he was. When I got to actually see and enjoy his cock, I was amazed at how big it actually was. He is average length but far wider than average girth. There was absolutely nothing small about what he was packing! Still, he was worried about not being big enough for me and me judging him for it.

I don’t understand why so many men turn to me for these reassurances. Have the other women in their past histories not been willing to tell them how they compared to their past partners? Do the men trust me to be honest when they didn’t trust other partners not to coddle their egos? Is this something that men do with all their partners, seeking reassurance that their genitals are acceptable?

What I’ve heard from man after man boils down to one phrase: “Tell me I’m normal.” Guys want to know that they are at least average length. They want to know that their cocks are adequate. They want to know that even though they don’t look like the actors in porn films, they too can be good (or amazing lovers). And once again I have to state, size isn’t what matters when it comes to great sex. What matters is knowing how to use what you’ve got. The longest lover I’ve had was by far the worst because he had no clue what to do with all of his length (and it was only 8″ of length, so not gigantic). Most of the men I’ve been with have been in the 5-6″ length range– completely normal and completely sufficient to get the job done. What’s mattered far more was their ability to tune in to me and my needs rather than being just focused on their own cocks.

I swear that the quickest way for a relationship to end for me is for me to buy lingerie that works for a particular partner’s desires or fetishes. Every single time I buy a fancy bra that is what tickles his fancy or I purchase a costume for something that he wants to roleplay or I invest in a corset in a color that turns him on, the next thing I know the relationship is over before I have even gotten a chance to wear the new item in question for my partner. In a few cases it has been sex toys, not lingerie, but most of the time, it’s lingerie. At least this time I hadn’t washed the purchased item yet so I can return it!

So should I just quit buying lingerie that caters to my partners’ desires? How does one break this curse? Or is Murphy and his Damn Law destined to rule all parts of my life?

Almost all of the men I have had sex with have preferred a shaved pussy. I’ve heard the theory that it’s due to influence of porn on men’s minds as to what vulvas “should” look like. I can also buy the argument that they prefer not to have hair in their mouths when performing oral, though that argument loses a lot of steam if they subsequently refuse to go down on women (as too many do).

Since I’m not attached to my pubic hair style, I’m happy to style it however my current partner prefers within reason. However, as an obese woman, I find it very difficult to shave myself. I end up cutting myself most of the time even with an electric razor. It’s physically difficult to reach many spots. I can’t see what I’m doing even when using a mirror to help.

Thus, I tell the guys that I’m happy to shave myself for the first time or two, but after that I either need them to shave me or wax me. I love being shaved by my partner. It’s an act of dominance that totally turns me on. It’s also an act of caring and devotion. Some have been willing to do it (and I’ve returned the favor for them if they’ve asked though I prefer my men to be somewhat hairy in the genital region and otherwise).

However, not one single partner has been willing to wax me. They cringe at the thought. They want me to wax myself (how, I don’t know) or have someone else do it. They won’t do it. They turn into scared wimps. One of them, the most disciplinary Dom I have had, started whining at me about how he was afraid he’d hurt me. Really? You love to beat my ass red. You want me to choke on your cock when you ram it down my throat. Yet you are afraid of hurting me by waxing me?

I have never understood this bit of male logic. They want us as women to go through the pain of being waxed for their sexual gratification, but they’re too scared of the pain of waxing to help do it to us or even being around when it’s done. What a bunch of wimps. Also, see: hypocrites.

There was only one guy whom I was messaging with who I believe would have actually waxed me, though I found out he was married and that was the end of that since I don’t do married men unless I am married to them. He was the most sadistic man I’ve ever messaged with. He identified as primal, but his sexual desire for pain was more than that. He was a true sadist. He honestly scared me quite a bit with the level of his sadism, so when I found out he was married, part of me was relieved that I wasn’t going to be playing with him despite all his other appealing qualities.

So what does that say that only a true sadist is willing to help a woman wax her vulva yet all the other men want a silky smooth pussy as long as they don’t have to do the work? What is it about men and their unrealistic beauty requests of women? Why is this still the way the things are? What are other women doing to help change this?

This is the final post in a series of spanking survey questions. For this final post, I’ve simply compiled a list of all the questions with none of my answers for those who might be inspired to answer some or all of them on their own blogs. I collected these questions from various memes, surveys, discussion boards, and blogs from across the internet.

Once again, my heart is breaking because this is how I rumble. I open myself fully without realizing I’m doing it. I fall head over heels for a guy and don’t know I have given my heart to him. I try to convince myself it’s nothing. But it’s something, and it’s always something major.

I don’t understand why my heart engages like that. Why do I have so much love to give? Why could I not love the one and only man in my dating career who has loved me the way I want to be loved?

My heart seems to jump in first, followed somewhat rapidly by my hormones. My head always clicks in a few days or weeks after when I needed it to actually be the voice of reason.

And so, once again, I’m left with a shattered heart and a desire never to love again.

What positions or special situations do you like to be spanked in as an adult?

All fours
Back of couch
Back of stuffed armchair
Hands and knees on bed
Hands and knees on the bed while sucking his cock
Laying on bed with spanker sitting on my back facing reverse
Massage table
Over center of bed on pillows
Over side of bed
Over stuffed armchair arm
Over the knee
Over the lap

What positions do you not like being spanked in as an adult?

I haven’t tried anything I haven’t liked yet!

What positions have you not tried being spanked in as an adult but would like to?

Backseat of a car
Bent over chair
Bent over desk
Car window
Diaper position
Diving board
Fallen tree
Gynecology table (pussy spanking)
Hands and knees on floor
Haybale
Holding shower rod
In the rain
In the shower
Kneeling on chair
Kneeling with my head between his knees
Knees on floor. Lean over bed w/ limbs tied down
Ladder
Ladder, library
Laying on bed with spanker sitting on my back facing reverse
Leg locked
Oiled bottom
On a wet bottom
Ottoman
Over a cannon
Over fence
Over ironing board
Over log
Over swing
Over the edge of the bathtub
Over the hood of a car
Over the kitchen counter
Piano bench
Piano keys lid
Piano lid
Spanking bench
Spanking horse
St. Andrew’s cross
Stepstool
Stockade
Stool
Table
Tied to a four post or canopy bed
Tied up to a hook on the ceiling
Tree limb
Under the shoulder
Wedge
While being figged

What positions are you not willing to be spanked in as an adult?

Over banister on balcony—I get vertigo from this kind of thing.

Over the shoulder – I’d be open to this and think it’s very sexy but my weight makes it prohibitive.

Wheelbarrow—That position always looks super awkward to me.

What is your preferred clothing status during a spanking as an adult?

I like starting clothed and then ending up nude. Of the options given with this question, this is my order of preference: