I hate the word "blacks" almost as much as the word, "N----r". Until you stop thinking of yoursel as a black, and start thinking of yourself as another productive member of society, others will never do the same.I know that your ancestors suffered great oppression. Get over it! Look around at those of every race who have pulled theirselves up by their bootstraps. Don't continue to dredge up radicals like Malcolm X, and yet at the same time think that we will all somehow get over our rediculous racial barriers. Promote education and hard work over welfare. (Surely you know how important it is.) Some of my dearest friends are black, but I rarely think of them as that until someone like you pulls out their "repression card."Do you think that by yelling "prejudice" that you are not also screaming "hatred"? Get over it, and we will all be able to?At the same time I say this to you, I also speak out to those who would harbor unjustified prejudices. I send them the same message, "Get over it!"Now, with all of that being said, I will say this in defense of some. (at least in my experiences) In southern cities the highest crime areas and unsafest areas are almost always in the black neighborhoods. The majority of crimes against blacks are committed by blacks. We, as a society should stop segregating ourselves and reach out with love to one another. There comes a time when screaming about injustices is not the right thing to do. At some point, all of us should become pro-active in cleaning around our area of the kingdom, and join forces instead of pointing fingers. As long as we think of ourselves as black or white, we will never be genuinely unified.

You have not posted the comment I made to you yesterday. It must have struck a nerve with you. Ask yourself, if you are willing to share all views, or are you just trying to be a heroine to all of the others that see themselves so oppressed because of what happened to their ancestors in the distant past. Get over it!I had hoped that your blog was a truthful sharing of views. Are you afraid of the truth?Are you afraid to share descenting views? Obviously, not! I feel sorry for those that refuse to go on with life without preconceived ideas, and bitterness, especially when they they are the downtrodden with a masters degree. I am disappointed in you.

Anonymous, you should know that I posted both of these comments as soon as they showed up in my inbox. I am wondering if since the first one was posted in a seemingly unexpected place, that's why you couldn't find it when you came back to look for it?

I hate the word "blacks" almost as much as the word, "N----r".

What makes you say that? What do those two words mean to you? Do you hate the word white as much as you hate the word blacks?

Until you stop thinking of yoursel as a black, and start thinking of yourself as another productive member of society, others will never do the same.

I didn't realize it was an either/or proposition. Can't I be black and a productive member of society? If not, why not?

I know that your ancestors suffered great oppression. Get over it!

By "great oppression," do you mean 300 years of slavery followed by another 100 years of Jim Crow? During which time white Americans were gaining immeasurable amounts of wealth from the underpaid/unpaid forced labor of black Americans? And which at it's conclusion black people were "set free" with no education, no money and facing intense discrimination at pretty much every turn?

Yeah, I'm working on it.

Look around at those of every race who have pulled theirselves up by their bootstraps.

Like who, Asian people? Can I take a detour and ask some of my Asian-American readers how they like being constantly referred to as the "model minority"?

Here are just two reasons why the "bootstrap" argument has it's own specific set of challenges when dealing with black people.

First, one common way that some immigrants "make it" in this society is by going into highly specialized niche markets. This way it everyone can get familiar with the business model, and each new owner can lean on the expertise that the previous owners have. There are way more black people than there are Asian people, so it would be very difficult for black people to follow that model. Can you imagine 30 million black people trying to open say, ice cream shops? There is not the market demand to support such an undertaking.

Second, our legal immigration policy definitely is skewed towards people with education and money. That's why you hear so much about people who were doctors in their "home country" coming to America and driving cabs. Even if you can't be a doctor in the U.S., anyone who can make it through all that schooling clearly has many of the values that can make one successful (hard work, determination, sacrifice, etc.) and so you have a better chance of "making it" once you get here.

Don't continue to dredge up radicals like Malcolm X

Anonymous, have you read The Autobiography of Malcolm X ? Or seen the fantastic movie, Malcolm X directed by Spike Lee and starring Denzel Washington? If you had, you would know that Malcolm X renounced his most "radical" views before his untimely death in 1965.

Promote education and hard work over welfare

Nowhere on this blog have I "promoted welfare." In terms of education--I've been in school 19 years of my life, I think it is pretty safe to say I am riding in the first car on the "education is good" train.

Some of my dearest friends are black, but I rarely think of them as that until someone like you pulls out their "repression card."

Really? You don't notice their darker skin pretty much every time you look at them? Huh. My husband is 6'7", and I notice that pretty much every day because that's like, a foot taller than me, and he's got to duck when he goes a lot of places. Read more about my thoughts on "I don't notice people's skin color" here.

Do you think that by yelling "prejudice" that you are not also screaming "hatred"?

I'm not really sure what you mean by this. I don't think prejudice and hatred are the same thing. I think that we have been conditioned to have certain prejudices, and we can control how we respond to them with a reasonable amount of work. I don't hate anyone. I think hating people makes your insides die and gives you cancer.

At the same time I say this to you, I also speak out to those who would harbor unjustified prejudices. I send them the same message, "Get over it!"Now, with all of that being said, I will say this in defense of some. (at least in my experiences) In southern cities the highest crime areas and unsafest areas are almost always in the black neighborhoods.

I think it's telling that you spend one sentence of both of your comments chastising whites and then in the very next sentence go on to "defend" those with what you see as justified predjudices. Who then, are the people with unjustified prejudices? Also, what exactly does having a justifiable predjudice justify?

Get over it, and we will all be able to?

Like I said, I'm working on it. It is a process that takes a lot of time and conscious energy, because it is a very depressing part of history. I would also like to invite you to work on getting over your hatred of the word "black," and the idea that people have "justifiable predjudices" towards black people because black neighborhoods are higher crime neighborhoods.

It is not just my responsibility to get over it, or just your responsibility to get over it. I know from my work as a counselor, that you have to acknowledge pain to truly heal from it. Having someone repeatedly exclaim "Get over it! Get over it!" is not constructive.

We all have work to do. I am willing to do mine. Are you willing to do yours?

We, as a society should stop segregating ourselves and reach out with love to one another.

I totally agree. You want to know one of my most favorite quotes, Anonymous?

"We must love one another or die" W.H. Auden

Epic, no?

There comes a time when screaming about injustices is not the right thing to do.

True, and there also comes a time when acting like the realities of today don't exist and the horrors of the past never happened are not the right things to do, either.

As long as we think of ourselves as black or white, we will never be genuinely unified.

I don't believe we all have to meld into one beige, monocultural mass in order to be unified. Wouldn't that be boring as all get out? We can celebrate the things that make us different as human beings, while at the same time celebrating the things that make us all the same as human beings--what is so wrong with that?

If there are no comments after this long butt post--I am going to be shocked.

5 comments:

I with you 100%!!!! This is YOUR forum to speak your mind. If other people don't like it they can just move on to the next blog and be insulting can't they? This is America and no one is making them read your words.I love that you are speaking your mind and heart.......that's what blogging is all about :)Take good care and........

I actually appreciate that Anonymous said the things she / he said, because they gave you an opportunity to do just what this blog intends to do - have a conversation regarding long-held assumptions and belief systems that no longer serve us and perpetuate racism and all the other "isms." I don't know what Anonymous's race or cultural background is, but as a member of the dominant majority, I fully acknowledge that I have the privilege to turn away from hundreds of years of oppression and continued racism if I want to - I can use my own privileged life experiences to make the determination that all other groups of people should "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and "make something of themselves." But I choose not to live in denial.

To be honest, I don't mind being referred to as a "model minority." As far as labels go, it's a pretty good one.

The term originated from the mass immigration of educated and professional East Asians in the '60s and '70s. The only Asian peeps who were let into the U.S. were doctors, engineers, scientists, economists, academics, etc. Thus, the basis of the stereotype was born. All the Asian people in America were so damn smart!

Of course, this didn't last. Subsequent immigrants of Asian descent were not limited to just the highly educated elite, so Asians were no longer truly the "model minority."

But, for a couple of decades, the label was quite valid. Not to mention, those folks procreated, too.

I found this blog searching for posts about unpacking your knapsack. I'm a White woman in a town that is predominantly White. We had several mentions in the book "Sundown Towns" by James Loewen. Lately, we have been plagued by vandalism, arson, and even death threats against minorities. Anonymous sounds like most of the people who comment on the local paper's site, either blaming the minorities for the actions or trying to justify the hate. If this kind of stuff is still going on, I think "screaming about injustices" is something that is still needed.

I live near Gary, IN and most everyone blames the Blacks who live there for the crime, rather than trying to understand the racism that led to the poverty in that city, which I feel is bigger factor in the crime. (Plus the fact that most surrounding cities wouldn't even allow Black or most other minorities in their town until the 1970's!)

I love you and I love this blog. Truly, you are one of the better blog writers I've come across. Your clarity and well reasoned responses are wonderful and I am really enjoying "catching up" on your older posts. Thank you so much for doing this!!

About Me

Hello, I'm the mastermind behind myblackfriendsays.com. I am a 35 year-old black woman with a Masters degree in Multicultural Counseling, an (expired) Mensa membership card, and a freakishly large knowledge of all things pop culture.
I started this blog because I love talking about race and inequality, and I bet more people would love talking about them too--if they weren't so afraid someone was going to punch them in the stomach for saying the wrong thing. This is a place to get people thinking, get people talking, and most importantly, to eventually get people doing things that will help us make real progress when it comes to the subjects of race and inequality in America.

If you would like to contact me for any reason (fan mail, hate mail, multimedia development deal,) you can email me: myblackfriend atmyblackfriendsaysdotcom.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you again soon.