Friday, December 28, 2012

I started this year with a lot of plans for the things I'd do and the woman I'd be. These were good plans. But these were not the plans for this year.

I had a funny feeling I'd be learning about humility this year and I have. The only reason I haven't called this post 2012 - I am humbled is because though I have learned much about humility I have also been very blessed to have been part of some amazing things this year and in stead of feeling humbled, downtrodden and alone I feel hopeful, encouraged and warmed by the greatness of a God who is big when I am small.

I wanted to be a popular famous woman this year. I wanted my influence to spread far and wife through this blog and my offline life too. I wanted to be the girl with a zillion friends, a rockin etsy store a classy looking home and a name that everyone knows.

Those things may come but not this year. I found my influence does not have to be large to be great. I found a small group of women who have influenced me far more than I could have done them. I found the joy of loving my family and that being enough. I found little conversations with people I don't know so well. I've had comments from you that kept me going at blogging when I just felt like throwing in the towel.

Most of all I have found a God who is so big but who listens to even the smallest of his children. Who hears the woman crying out to be famous and comforts her with the fame of knowing that He knows her.He hears the woman crying out to have her womb filled once more and gives her what she asks. He fills the wombs of women around her to give these little ones friends and to bring glory to his name.He hears the discontent in her heart and sends a word, a hug, an encouragement, a day off.

He sees her need for Him and gives word to a little one to remind her to read his word.

This year I abandoned my resolutions and found more grace and peace than I thought I ever would. I am so small. I can only get some things done. I have to say no sometimes. I mess things up. I let people down.But God is big and he had this year in his hands.

a game of innocent christmas day backyard cricket means i can't really walk so well right now. I think i did something my my pelvic bone. It hurts like wildfire. I was feeling so happy and healthy until this moment. So so glad Myl is on holidays.

doing

now that christmas is over it's time to get ready for this baby. We are still at my parents place but when we get home i will become a little mother hen and start nesting round the place. Folding sweet little clothes and dusting the doorknobs.

thinking

i'm getting really excited about adding another little one to our family. As it gets closer and closer i start thinking less about pregnancy and more about motherhood.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I struggle so hard to be an organised person.It's not something I find easy at all.Each year I have the best of intentions for advent. I think of all these wonderful things to do.

This year I have fretted and fluttered about like a little lost bird. I've searched Pinterest for trendy DIY gift ideas. I've researched food to make. Roast dinners, cookies to bake with Lucy. I've thought about family and trips to see themAbout how many hours we will spend I the car and about how Lucy's naps will suffer. I've thought about family dynamics and how to make people happy.

But in all that flapping I've forgotten to be still. My homemade advent calendar went up on the 13th. My reading plan sits with only one day ticked.

I've forgotten to be still and remember the joy behind all the presents and food and family.

I forgot to remind myself of the little baby was born king, grew up to die and became our saviour.

But you know what? Advent doesn't have to start on the first of December. It's aMighty fine idea to do so but it's not the hard and fast rule. It doesn't even have to end on the 25th. So I'm thinking of the grace that Jesus came to share and giving it to myself. Won't you join me?

If you forgot advent this year why not start today?Read the story of Christmas, sing a carol with your mum, do something each day to say thank you God for sending your son.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

1. advent calendar pockets. Still yet to be completed. All I've got to do is put the numbers on.2. fun with polymer clay.3. elephant silhouette for my aunty.4. clay beads. best fun I've had since primary school craft.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

This baby is moving! I'm feeling knees and elbows all over my tummy. It moves and jiggles. Some would call it freaky but I kinda like it.I'm not feeling the heat as much as I thought I would. Sure, It's hot but I'm not up to the cold bath stage yet.I'm starting to feel a bit huge. I remember from last time wishing I could just squish my ball of a tummy back in there somehow and that feeling is coming back again.

doing

Keeping busy. We have family to see and Christmas to prepare for. I've got all my appointments booked till march. I'm starting to really think about and prepare for labour.

thinking

About life with two. There are definitely things that will need to change. Our days will become more structured and at home I'm guessing. I'll need to set up things for lu to do while I bf smalls. I can't imagine what Sundays will look like. Eeeep!We've been visiting my sister and her baby and I forgot how all consuming a newborn is. It's going to be lovely but I'm expecting not to do more than baby loving for a while.

Friday, November 23, 2012

pretty good. hard to know if the soreish hips are a result of sleeping 4cm from the ground all week or having a baby the size of a mango inbetween said hips.noticing i have to be careful with spicy food. heartburn is a killer.feeling less agile and less stable on unstable places like slimy rockpools at the beach. having to figure out where my new centre of balance is but it's probably better to just avoid potentially life threatening balance situations.

also, my tummy looks very big in these photos. it's a bit misleading. it's not that huge...yet.

doing

still sleeping on my back at times. camping for the last five days hasn't been awful but wasn't as comfy as my bed at home. Sometimes my back had to do and for now it seems to work ok. Last time I was freaked out about sleeping on my back but I think it's only important a bit later on...?mum asked me when my next ante-natal appointment is. i have no idea. better book one. classic second child syndrome.

thinking

about becoming an aunty. my sister is going to have her baby any day now and i'm very excited to meet my little niece or nephew. i keep checking my phone to see if i've gotten a call.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

This week we've packed up the family and are enjoying the (hopefully) sunny Central Coast. So while we're away I thought I'd schedule in a few posts from the past. These are a few of my favourites. I don't often write posts of substance usually due to the energy I prefer to give to my little one but here are some heartfelt, serious(ish) ones. Hope you enjoy them.This post is one I've been thinking a lot about lately. I've been thinking about prayer and asking for good things. About desire and about why sometimes it seems like God is saying "no." I've got another post brewing in my head but for now enjoy this one. Especially for my lovely, beautiful friend H.

There have been so many beautiful things about the news of our little Smalls.Things that make me weep and laugh.Things that make me stand in awe of how lucky I am.

But I know it isn't luck. It's not by chance that I am where I am.

You might know our story.We were told it was unlikely we would have children but because we were young there was more hope.I cried for the children I thought I may never hold.I cried out to God, not to give me what I wanted but to make me content with what I got.I asked him first to make me content and then I told him the desires of my heart.

And that good God, He listened.He listened.And listened.

When I felt as though I was speaking into a void, He listened.Biding his time. Waiting for the right moment.

And then, He answered. At youth camp. Two pink lines. A ray of hope. A little one to call my own.She grew, and grew, and grew and I felt the tug once more.Could I be lucky again?But I know it isn't luck. It's not by chance that I am where I am.

I cried and I wept and I pleaded.I forgot.I forgot about the last time when He listened and listened.I forgot about the last time when he heard and answered. When he stilled my aching heart and gave me hope.I forgot that He knows good and He knows me better than I do.

But.Once again. He answered. At youth camp. Two pink lines. A ray of hope. A small one to call my own.

How I sat in awe of His goodness. His goodness to silly old me who forgot.Silly old me who pleaded like a child who had never seen goodness before.But he hears. He listens. He delights in answering us.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

This week we've packed up the family and are enjoying the (hopefully) sunny Central Coast. So while we're away I thought I'd schedule in a few posts from the past. These are a few of my favourites. I don't often write posts of substance usually due to the energy I prefer to give to my little one but here are some heartfelt, serious(ish) ones. Hope you enjoy them.

It’s an exciting old world out there. So many things to do. So many places to go.

We’re sitting in a holding pen right now my family and I. Staring out at the world from the safety of this place we think, dream and imagine about the places we’ll go.

Oh the places we will go!

We’d like to travel the world going to new churches, seeing what they do.

We’d like to meet people, become their best friends and tell the whole city about Jesus. We’d love to work in a church that does stuff. A church that moves, a church that is great at everything. A rocking band, brilliant preaching, hospitality like no other.

I think about these things and I want them now. I’m a little firecracker ready to burst. Ready to step out in faith and do things for the Lord. “Use me!” I say. I’m ready to pop and when I do I’ll make a big old pretty colour just for you!

But we’re sitting in this holding pen and in here I try things and a lot of the time they fail. I decide one morning to be bold and talk to that person only to say the wrong thing and feel stupid.

I get all ready to open my etsy store and help make money and be industrious for my family and then the support dries up and it seems like not such a good idea.

I decide to be a parent who thinks of God and not of what I “should” be doing and then I have a week of terrible naptimes and think I’m doing it all wrong.

I decide to use this blog for good and write meaningful posts only to barely write any all year.

For the first time in my life I have been reading the word, getting into it and loving it and all of a sudden the things I try to do keep failing.

For the first time in my life I was angry at God. “I’m doing this for you! Why do the things I try to do keep failing?”

But then I read psalm 46. “Be still and know that I am God” it says.

Who is the one that acts?

Who is the one with the plan?

Who is the one who knows what is right?

I’m this tiny firecracker wanting to burst and make a pretty colour. But the thing about firecrackers is that they only last a minute or so. After the colour fades and the smoke clears there is nothing left but an empty shell. I’ve got to wait, I’ve got to learn, I’ve got to grow. I’ve got to be still and know that He is God.

All I want to do is go out and be amazing but there’s a long road of making mistakes from here to there. I wish I could skip the mess and go straight to the amazing but that’s never the way it works. It’s hard to watch people who are out of the holding pen or standing at the gate and feel like I should be where they are.

But I am sure that to be still and listen to God when he has things to say is something that brings great joy.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

This week we've packed up the family and are enjoying the (hopefully) sunny Central Coast. So while we're away I thought I'd schedule in a few posts from the past. These are a few of my favourites. I don't often write posts of substance usually due to the energy I prefer to give to my little one but here are some heartfelt, serious(ish) ones. Hope you enjoy them.

I pray that you would know the God who made you.That you would love Him and trust him to look after you.

I pray that you would always find joy even when things are tricky.

I pray that you would take chances. Do things that interest you regardless of what other people tell you is the right thing to do.

I pray that you would not be too scared to admit you are wrong when you do something that interests you and it blows up in your face.

I pray that nothing will hurt you but I know this prayer is futile. I pray that you have the strength to overcome those hurts.

I pray that you would love your Mama and Dad. That we would love you and that you would never be afraid to talk to us.

I pray that you would be healthy, energetic and fun. That the world might be your oyster.

I pray that you will have a contagious laughter, a gentle spirit and an inquisitive mind.

I pray that you will have friends to love and be loved by. That your family will adore you and that you will have siblings to boss around.

I pray that you will know that Jesus died for you and that fact will change your life. I pray that it deeply impacts you and you will live your life for him.

Amen

Nope, nothing in there about sleeping through the night in your own bed. Nothing about eating the right food, napping for 2-3 hours. Nothing about crawling, sitting, walking.

Yet, for the last few weeks I have been beating myself up about these things. These things that simply don't matter in the scheme of things.I forgot about being Lucy's best mama in the quest to be the worlds best mama.I forgot about listening to her. I forgot about enjoying her.

So now I'm going to read those books with a hefty big grain of salt. I'm going to do things the way my heart and Lucy's actions tell me to. I'm going to remember this prayer I prayed for my little girl and remember that these are the things I want for her.

Monday, November 19, 2012

This week we've packed up the family and are enjoying the (hopefully) sunny Central Coast. So while we're away I thought I'd schedule in a few posts from the past. These are a few of my favourites. I don't often write posts of substance usually due to the energy I prefer to give to my little one but here are some heartfelt, serious(ish) ones. Hope you enjoy them.

I wrote this post close to two years ago when I was overwhelmed with being pregnant and stuffing up things all. the time. It's so nice to have a solution to my epic fails.

epic fail + epic love

I like to blog about happy things. I like to blog about the fun and exciting things that happen to me. About the wonderful things that come with being alive and having a new little life inside of me.Most weeks are happy. I feel like I give this impression of a woman all together. Completely content with whatever life throws her way.

This week was not a happy week. Sure I did some pretty fun things. But it has not been a happy week. I wish I had a little time machine that could take me back to Monday so I could start again. Or just spend the week hiding under my sheets.

This week I was lazy, angry, emotional, distressed, forgetful, dishonest.

This week I lost my phone, lost an important key, lost my temper, lost my confidence.

This week I had some terrible dreams, heard a friend is moving away, broke the toilet, made iced tea with no ice, was barked at by a scary dog, didn't finish writing the Christmas play, almost crashed into someone and stood up a friend.

This week I feel like a bit of a screw up.

But that's ok. Cos I am. And I'm still loved.

My epic failures are nothing compared to the epic love of God.

When I have it all together it's easy to forget about the greatness of this love. I get comfortable in my little bubble. I've played the tune before. But when I screw it all up I look to Him. I long for Him and I long for a time when all my anger, frustration and inadequacy will be taken away.

I still feel lousy about this week. Being loved doesn't make it any less a terrible week. Being loved doesn't mean weeks like this wont happen again. But what I do know is that I don't need to fear weeks like this. The world will not crumble because I was forgetful. The world will not end because I went stomping out of a room. The world will not fall apart because I did.

It's not enough to just focus on the good and try and forget the bad because it's the bad things that happen to us that make us understand so much about life. It's those moments where you cry and cry where you can find pure joy. Joy that even though it is so impossibly hard to understand why things are going so badly we have a God who is mighty and powerful. A God who came right down to where we are and went through that sadness we are feeling.

At Christmas we remember that God became lowest of the low born next to animals and laid in a feeding trough. Visited by shepherds he was the son of an unwed woman.

This is our God who shares with us in our sorrow. Who walks with us in our pain. Who died for us in our inadequacy.

Friday, November 16, 2012

apologies for the out-of-focus(ness) of the photos. I'd blame the photographer but he's too handsome.

wow they really are quite fuzzy.

feeling

emotional. boy oh boy I've been crying at everything. Mostly just the sad things though. Show me a rom-com and I'm gone.I'm feeling bigger and noticing the change in my centre of gravity. Last time the bigness just made me want to sit around eating chicken nuggets but now I'm using it as an excuse to go for a walk.Also feeling glad that this spring has me wearing long sleeves and stockings. I can wait for the steaming hot days.

doing

we had our ultrasound on Thursday and found out the gender of our little smalls. More on that later. I'd like to make a sweet little announcement video.We're also on holidays which is very exciting. We are going to spend next week camping on the central coast. It will be great having Myl around.

thinking

about what it will be like to have a little ...... aha! almost got me!Yep. Smalls has been on my mind.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The other night we were walking down the street to drop a dvd back. We were stopped by a guy who gave us a voucher for free pizza at a new restaurant in town.

Mad Pizza replaces the popular Ice n Slice which closed a few weeks ago.Never ones to turn down a free meal we headed over and abandoned our home cooked meal plan.

Mad Pizza is much more our style than Ice n Slice was. The decor is bright and retro. Red and white checked table cloths, shelves lined with Italian kitsch and cheeky posters. The table was covered with brown paper and a bowl of crayons, perfect for one little fussy diner.

We chose two pizzas. One with meatballs the other with prawns. They were traditional, tasty, crisp and fresh.Lucy liked the meatballs. Not on the pizza, just the meatballs picked off. I'm calling that a win.

The ambience was cheery, the music straight out of a club ((!?) Lucy liked the beats) and the staff were very friendly. At mostly 19.5 a pizza the prices are about the same as any other place in Newtown.

I'd go there again with friends and will probably be back for the $10 lunch pizza and kids meatballs.

Other than the free pizza, I was not paid for this review. All opinions are my own.

Monday, November 12, 2012

tired. I'm not sure if it's related to pregnancy at all (though I feel like I experienced it last time) but I've had sore sinuses right between my eyes all week. It's been making my eyes water and making me feel a bit drowsy. Hoping it goes away.

I'm getting bigger! When I bend over I can feel there is something in the way.

doing

Reading up on hypno-birthing. Anyone had any experience?Had my very uneventful appointment with the obstetrician at the birth centre. She warned me of the perilous dangers of having a VBAC and I smiled and nodded.

thinking

About seeing smalls this Thursday. Aside from the usual "what if my baby has two heads?!" moments I've been getting excited about learning more about this little family member growing inside.Still majorly stuck on boys names.Also thinking about how I'm going to fit a cot in our room.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

A few weeks ago I entered and won an amazing competition from the lovely Emily over at The Beetle Shack.

Most of the prizes have arrived so this week I decided to open all the paper packages lined up by the door and get to work making a new room for our not so little one.

She is well and truly ready to be in a big bed and with smalls coming along in March it was high time to move her before she feels like she is getting kicked out of her bed to make way for a baby.I had seen the incy interiors bed recently at the Baby and Toddler Show and swooned over it but checked my interest when I saw the hefty price tag. It looked like ikea or hand me downs for us.So this win was really quite timely and endlessly helpful. We're not completely strapped for catch but "thrifty" is often my middle name.

I (with the heavy lifting skills of Myl) got to work earlier this week and am pretty happy with the end result. The prizes combined with a few little things already in Lucys room went together nicely. I am a big fan of lots of colour and even though it's a bit of an overload at times I think in a kids room you can get away with it.

Lucy is pretty stoked with her new space. As soon as the bed was up she was bouncing away on it only to be stopped by a fall and a sore head. She loves the new Noahs ark toy and all the bunnies round the room. She was completely transfixed by the "balls" hanging in the ceiling and loves that she can look right out the window from her bed.

The first night I was awoken a few times by little footsteps into our room but since then she has been sleeping like a trooper.

I'm still sleeping on my back/side/tummy. I was really paranoid about this with Lucy but this time am just concerned with comfort. I know pretty soon I wont be able to sleep on my tummy so am making the most of it.

Thinking

About the ultrasound. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous.

I'm also wondering how to fit a cot into our bedroom. I can feel some tetris playing coming on.

Each morning we say goodbye to Myl and say that he is off to this place called "work."She has just become really good at the k sound and is loving words like milk, book and of course work.But now she thinks that work is where everyone goes when you can't see them.

Myl leaves the room and I hear,"dada work."No, he's just downstairs.It's not just Myl. Granny and Waa Waa come to visit and when they leave it's,"granny work." "waa waa work."

It's pretty cute.

The other day she started walking out the door.We have a balcony where her bike and other toys are so she usually goes out to play by herself. After a few minutes I realised she wasn't on the balcony anymore. I peeked down the stairs and there was Lucy in the garden looking around."What are you doing little girl?" I asked."Work."

Monday, November 5, 2012

the smell of lavender reminds me of home.We had a big lavender bush out the back and I remember making sweet smelling lavender bags with my mum.

Bosisto recently sent me a whole pack of lovely lavender products from their essential oil range.Let me tell you that smell takes me back to my lavender bag smelling days.I didn't know this but you can use lavender for so much more than making your undie drawer smell nice.

Lavender oil

- helps you to relax and sleep- is an antiseptic- cleans your bathroom and surfaces- relieves anxiety- helps insect bites to not be itchy- freshens up your house

Did I mention that smell? Oh boy.

The best part about it is that it is straight from nature to you. No chemicals, no weird numbers.

I've been putting the oil in Lucy's bath and using the spray can to put good smells in our house. It's pretty fantastic.

But don't just take my word for it. Bosisto have given me four lavender oil packs to give away right here on the ole blog.The items in the pack include the Lavender Oil , Lavender Spray and the NEW Bosisto’s Lavender Solution with info guide (Valued at RRP$40)

To enter, all you have to do is follow "Little One, I Know You Grow" and leave a comment below.You can do this in a few ways using the buttons on the left.Google Friend Connect FacebookInstagramTwitterPinterestJust comment the way you follow along, each way gets one entry so if you follow more than one way, post more than one comment. Please also leave your email so I can contact you if you win.I was not paid for this review. I was given products by Bostio in order to review the products but all opinions are my own. Competition is open to all Australian residents. Winners will be announced 11/11/12 on this post. Prizes will be sent out by Bostio.Aaaand the winners (randomly generated by random.org) areKim MSarahTrish Nebraska Jones WelshAshemail me at littleoneiknowyougrow at gmail dot comwith your address and I'll get those prizes out to you.