Tag Archive | "CPF"

Posted on 07 March 2017

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who might never, ever see their own CPF money ever again, are telling the government that they will spend it wisely if they get the whole lump sum back right now.

This after home affairs and law minister K Shanmugam said Singaporeans must trust the government to be efficient with its use of money.

In response, Singaporeans are telling the minister that Singaporeans would do likewise with their own CPF money and not squander all of it.

One local, Kong Chee Kim, said: “Money is not going to come from the sky… We have to pay for what we use, and you just have to trust Singaporeans to be efficient with their use of the money.”

“If the government can be efficient, so can Singaporeans, because Singaporeans voted for this government in the first place.”

Other locals said being able to apportion a CPF lump sum over time shows the citizenry is mature, as this is the same citizenry asked to decide during elections which political party they want to vote for.

Another local, Qu Dou Piao, said: “As a family, we have to spend less than what you earn. As a country, we have to learn to spend less than what we have. With all the rising costs and rising expenditure, we need to look at where the extra money is going to come from.”

“And I see it coming from my CPF account because that’s where all the money is.”

One government spokesperson, Kong Chee Kim, has since come out to clarify this confusion about who exactly does your CPF money belong to: “Your CPF money can, in fact, be anything you imagine it to be.”

“If you think your CPF money belongs to you, then it belongs to you.”

“If you think the CPF money doesn’t belong to you, then it doesn’t belong to you but to someone else, as a collective pool of funds for everyone’s use or locked up as part of the state’s coffers that drives the economy as it is used to finance spending.”

“Actually, to tell you the truth, this is something almost all Singaporeans don’t realise: Ask not if the CPF money belongs to you or doesn’t belong to you. Ask whether you, as a Singaporean, belong to the CPF?”

Posted on 14 January 2015

It takes a special kind of something to be able to do this consistently.

A Singaporean blogger who found fame in the midst of successfully getting sued for defamation is in talks to star in his very own reality TV series.

Called “So You Think You Can Blog And Get Sued?”, it will follow the lives of 10 wannabe bloggers who take advice from the CPF blogger.

Throughout the season, they will learn how to write defamatory blog posts and put them online, all in the hopes it will lead to someone who was defamed along the way to sue them.

The eventual winner will be judged by how many lawsuits he or she accumulates.

As talks for the show’s development are still underway, the show’s producer, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, said: “The CPF blogger would mentor young bloggers to put together information in a defamatory way.”

“One of the tasks is to write a very long incoherent blog post about a given topic, but somehow still managing to sneak in PM Lee’s name and allude to a criminal case in Singapore that is pending.”

“Extra points will be awarded for contestants who manage to get fired from their day jobs while going through the season.”

One contestant, who cannot be named but gave her surname as Han, said: “I hope I can be taught how to do research using only Google. And making those tiny connections between nuggets of facts that are totally unrelated to appear like there is causality.”

“It takes a special kind of something to be able to do this day after day, even with the repercussions hanging over my head.”

Each week, the blogger who fails to elicit a response from those they defamed will be booted out of the show.

The eventual winner of the series will be taught a bonus course on how to raise funds from the public.

Posted on 08 June 2014

A bag of cash was found at his doorstep a day after he attends Hong Lim Park protest.

A “Return Our CPF” protester woke up this morning to find all his CPF monies accumulated in his compulsory CPF account returned to him by the government in cold hard cash.

This after he protested the day before at Hong Lim Park on June 7, 2014, to demand the government return all of his money in his CPF account.

Kong Chee Kim, the Singaporean who has been angry for so many years about not being able to withdraw his CPF money, said: “This Hong Lim Park protest to demand the government give us back our CPF monies is really super effective.”

“We spend so much time, money and effort setting the place up and gathering people under the hot sun to hear a bunch of other people give speeches and then we get what we want in return.”

“So this just proves that all we have to do is shout slogans and write up placards and sell T-shirts with some words on it and we will have our demands met.”

At press time, the man said he just woke up and the experience of having his CPF monies returned to him is just a dream.

Posted on 28 May 2014

Compensation for damages to be settled according to how CPF functions.

Roy Ngerng (Pronounced as “nnnnngggg” like when you do your number two)

A new compensation scheme has been worked out for the blogger who is being sued by PM Lee for writing lengthy blog posts.

Another self-designated lawyer who is not M Ravi has worked out a payment scheme for the blogger to make compensation.

The lawyer, Kong Chee Kim, said: “Since Roy Ngerng has already offered to pay $5,000 in damages, he can state as a clause that he can only disburse the sum as monthly payouts of $50. And this monthly payout will only start when PM Lee hits 65 years old, which is in three years’ time in 2017.”

“In the meantime, the blogger will pay a 2.5% interest rate per year for holding on to the $5,000 sum until 2017.”

“But the blogger must also ensure that he is always holding on to $5,000 minimum sum and any payout will only be possible, if it is above this sum.”

The latest vandal has decided to use a black marker instead of red spray paint to hit bus stop signs in Clark Quay area on May 23, 2014, a few weeks after the Toa Payoh incident.

This has caused Singaporeans to marvel at the deterrent effect.

One Singaporean, Qu Zhuo Lao, who is very proud of how swift justice can serve as a form of deterrence, said: “The message sent to would-be vandals is loud and clear. If you want to vandalise, don’t use red spray paint.”

“Use black marker instead. No need to draw big big. Because no matter what, someone will take picture of your vandalism and post it online and it will spread like wildfire.”

Posted on 03 March 2014

ERP CEO doing an excellent job, can show SMRT CEO some tricks on how to make things work perfectly.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who enjoy taking public transport because cars are for rich people, are requesting that the CEO in charge of Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) join SMRT.

This after the MRT train system broke down again moved slower than expected on Sunday evening between Tanah Merah and Changi Airport stations.

One Singaporean, Mei Wen Ti, said: “The CEO of ERP must be a very good leader because he cause ERP gantries to never break down before. Forever working perfectly, beep beep beep, deducting money all year round, no problem.”

Posted on 19 February 2014

CPF said they aim to be the preferred choice of provident fund for Singaporeans for years to come.

The Central Provident Fund (CPF) has come up tops for the 48th year running as the preferred provident fund for Singaporeans’ to store their forced savings.

This is according to a recent study commissioned by the authorities, which found that Singaporeans are putting most, if not all, their forced savings into the CPF only.

This makes the CPF the most trusted and best place to store hard earned money.

A spokesperson for CPF, Jin Zhuay Lui, said: “CPF is honoured to be the preferred choice of provident fund for Singaporeans to save their hard earned money so that they can use it later to buy HDB flat and pay for hospitalisation bills.”

“CPF will continue to do good work in being the number one provident fund in Singapore. We humbly accept this title as the most widely used provident fund and we will continue to be the only option for Singaporeans to consider when they think about where to put their forced savings.”

Recently, labour economist and associate professor, Hui Weng Tat, who teaches at the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy, warned that tertiary-educated Singaporeans of today are going to face hard times as they get older and retire.

How so, you ask?

Well, those with diplomas or university degrees who enter the workforce in 2010 and estimated to earn approximately $2,500 monthly income and who go on to buy a five-room flat at $560,000, will end up piss poor by the time they retire at age 65.

The cause? Purchasing a large, expensive flat now or in the near future that will end up as a black hole into which CPF money flows into and possibly, never to come out again.

Ahem, I mean this isn’t exactly the whole truth, as money can be coaxed back out.

However, this is also the crux of the problem: What’s really screwed up these days is that housing prices are going so high as if you’re on weed and they don’t appear to be coming down any time soon or ever again, for that matter.

Historical data shows this to be accurate: Since 1995, the average selling price of a five-room HDB flat has doubled in non-mature estates.

On the other hand, new flats under HDB’s Design, Build and Sell Scheme (DBSS) was already reaching $800,000 last year in Tampines.

Within a decade and a half, it can be expected to surpass the $1 million mark.

The outcome? Future generations are really screwed as they have to work harder and can no longer afford such flats.

Plus, Professor Hui’s findings are worrying for another few related reasons.

The majority of tertiary-educated people may find it hard to sustain their lifestyles after retirement if they relied solely on monthly CPF payouts only.

Because how much did he say will that monthly payment be exactly?

Well, it’d be 22 percent of their last-drawn salary.

This, in English, basically means it is not even going to be enough to feed the family dog.

The international benchmark for allowing people to retire adequately, for your information, is pegged at 66 percent of the last-drawn salary.

This would provide dignity and grace in living out the final days of your life. That means no more cardboard-picking or putting your children on pay-per-view sites on the Internet to acquire paid viewership to help with the bills.

Plus, the current rules which state that the minimum sum of $131,000 needed to be left in CPF accounts for retirement needs is, in essence, a pipe dream.

More than half of those aged 55 years old and above today are already unable to meet this minimum sum.

And for this group, living in their current homes will then become their biggest problem.

Which is why the government came up with the nifty idea recently of encouraging older folks to downgrade to smaller flats to fund their retirement needs.

But that involves displacing old people from the place they grew old in. Which is evil.

Not only will older folks be displaced from their homes they grew old in, they can only monetise it when they are only reaching their twilight years.

So suddenly, you notice this whole system of public housing looks like shit, doesn’t it?

This is a 60-reduction of the original published in The Straits Times on March 21, 2012.

Posted on 17 January 2012

Uh oh. Seems like we have another case of major foot-in-mouth moment for the PAP.

Ex-presidential candidate and former PAP all-white Tan Cheng Bock made a sensational but dubious claim in a Facebook post on Jan. 12.

The runner-up president essentially said that “all office holders (in parliament) were required to switch from pension to CPF in 1998″ and ” in 2008… the Pension component was re-introduced”.

But this, if snooping Facebook users are correct, is misleading, if not utterly and stupendously wrong.

Here is what the popularly regarded Super Moderate wrote on his Facebook:

“Annual Reporting of Ministerial Salaries. When I was in parliament (1980-2006) I was under the impression that Ministers did not get any Pension because all office holders were required to switch from pension to CPF in 1998. Imagine my surprise when I read in the newspaper (5 Jan 2012,ST) that in 2008, two years after l left parliament, the Pension component was re- introduced and this resulted in a further increase in salaries for Ministers. This Pension component, which caused a lot of anger, is now removed. I am glad that this is being done. However, such a trend of changing policies mid stream is not good. Singaporeans want more transparency. To be transparent, an annual report of ministerial salaries must be published.”

“Tan Cheng Bock is mistaken. There was never any requirement in 1998 for office holders to switch to CPF. The white paper on salaries was introduced In 1994 and it clearly stated the basis for ministerial and civil service salaries. The paper explicitly mentioned having pensions for office-holders. This policy has been maintained till now, with Gerard Ee’s committee recommending to do away with pensions. So there is no “midstream” change in policy as construed by TCB”.

So here’s the major beef:

1. What gave Cheng Bock The-Man-Who-Sought-And-Received-Free-Sunday-Parking-For-Mankind the idea that “all office holders were required to switch from pension to CPF in 1998″? Which Act was he referring to? Or more specifically, what is he smoking?

2. Since Cheng Bock The Kindhearted Doctor served from 1980 to 2006 – a total of 26 years – he is eligible for pension and should be receiving his pension now. So why is he under the impression that “all office holders were required to switch from pension to CPF in 1998″?

The footnote under the graph reads: “The percentages represent actual salaries as a percentage of benchmark. The Practice of taking into account the value of pension as part of a minister’s total pay when comparisons are made with the private sector benchmarks began only in 2008.”

Therefore, nowhere does it state what Cheng Bock said: “in 2008… the Pension component was re-introduced”.

4) Should Cheng Bock not clarify now if he was right in claiming that the pension component was re-introduced in 2008?

5) So, if he is eligible for pension and is receiving it, how can he not know? Too much ukulele?

6) Hey! Where the hell did that original Facebook post with Cheng Bock’s claim go to?

Posted on 17 August 2011

Among elderly, only 5 percent of men and 1 percent of women rely on CPF payouts.

In Singapore, more than 30,000 out of 530,000 elderly folks aged 60 years old and above are relying solely on work for income because they have no other sources of cashflow.

This segment risks having to work until they officially off it.

For those elderly with children, 75 percent of women and 43 percent of men rely on their offspring for income.

However, regardless whether the elderly have children or not, the situation can still be dire: They will typically have to engage in low-wage jobs such as cleaners, labourers, sales and service staff to make ends meet until they meet the end.

And with or without children, only 5 percent of men and 1 percent of women rely on the Central Provident Fund, the mandatory savings scheme implemented in Singapore, for payouts.

Other forms of income for the remaining elderly segment come in the form of savings, life insurance, pensions, property-derived rental and public assistance, but these make up less than one-quarter of all cases.

Currently, Singapore’s fast-greying society has 9 percent of the population which are at least 65 years old.

This report on the elderly was put together by the International Longevity Centre Singapore, a research and policy outfit, which is to be launched by the Tsao Foundation this month.