Concerted Comedy

LANCE: IF HALF THE female population knew you work at the Mission Beach Plunge, it would be one crowded pool. You’ve got a hell of a body.

HOW MANY (if any) wish to see the return of The Curse Exchange? (Duncan Shepherd not eligible to vote.) TCE.

OTHER RING-NOSED women embarrassed by your ad to Alien. Please identify more clearly in future. One Too.

— CLASSIFIEDS, May 6, 1976

Thirty Years Ago

We have all adjusted so easily to rapid-fire changes in our lifestyles brought about by quantum technological leaps that perhaps only the erection of a Paolo Soleri–style, diamond-shaped city-in-the-sky over Mission Valley would lift our heads from the sports page long enough to grunt an acknowledgment that our lives are very different from those of our predecessors a mere twenty years ago. What we have to realize, in the aftermath of the recent space shuttle success, is that when that 75-ton aircraft/spacecraft touched down safely at Edwards Air Force Base on April 14, it was an official announcement of sorts: the future is now.

— CITY LIGHTS: “CONDOS IN SPACE,” John D’Agostino, May 7, 1981

Twenty-Five Years Ago

Mostly pleased by his first-ever concert, [Jerry] Seinfeld allows that for the foreseeable future, he will return to club work and try gradually to work his way into that elite company of top-draw concert comics that includes Jay Leno, Richard Pryor, Billy Crystal, and Robin Williams. For someone who isn’t yet a household name, Seinfeld’s big night at La Paloma has to be considered a step in that direction.

— “CONCERTED COMEDY,”John D’Agostino, May 8, 1986

Twenty Years Ago

Dear Matthew Alice:

My wife has threatened on several occasions to read me the riot act, but she can’t seem to find a copy of it. If she could find a copy of it, what would it say?

King George I of England was having a little trouble keeping his subjects in line, so he came up with the Riot Act of 1715 to put some teeth into the existing unlawful-assembly statutes.... The first sentence alone is 385 words long.... The final, 418-word sentence of the act says, in essence, if you are injured or killed while resisting arrest, it’s your own fault.

— STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP, Matthew Alice, May 9, 1991

Fifteen Years Ago

When Kiss answered to disco with Dynasty’s “I Was Made For Loving You” in 1979, they were no longer worthy of respect. Likely sensing this, drummer Peter Criss split. The appeal of Kiss died when, soon after, remaining members took off their makeup. The reincarnation this year of that original lineup paint-faced and all will be a disappointment if the chemistry at work on their sucko MTV Unplugged album is any indication.

— OF NOTE: “BLACK DIAMOND,”Robert Mizrachi, May 9, 1996

Ten Years Ago

“Every year, a week before Cupa Days, we make the journey back to Warner’s,” says Leroy H. Miranda, Jr., director of the Cupa Cultural Center in Pala. He refers to Warner Springs, where the Cupeño Indians lived until a U.S. Supreme Court decision forced their relocation to Pala.

Tribal elder Nadean Nelson won’t be in the group making the trip 40 miles to the north of Pala. Born in 1919, the 82-year-old Nelson says, “Four women in my family were removed from Warner’s — my mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and great-great grandmother.” But they didn’t return to the springs either. “I imagine that to them it would have been very painful. Besides, they tried to put that behind them. Not that they forgot it, but you go forward is what I was taught.” Then, apropos of moving forward, she asks, “Have you been to our casino?”

— CALENDAR: “REMOVAL REMEMBRANCE,”Jeanne Schinto, May 3, 2001

Five Years Ago

Deputies responded to a call of a person threatening construction workers with a rifle on a job site. While en route to the scene, sheriff’s dispatch advised the suspect had left the construction site in a skiploader but was still in the area.