Thursday, February 11, 2010

Maybe It's Just Me . . .

Have you seen those commercials for Chantix, that stop smoking drug? Next time notice how much of the commercial is spent on the whole dang disclaimer! It's ridonkulous! Scared me so bad I don't ever wanna meet someone who's using it! Yeesh! I'm going from memory but here's what I think they say . . .

Some people have had changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while using CHANTIX to help them quit smoking. Some people had these symptoms when they began taking CHANTIX, and others developed them after several weeks of treatment or after stopping CHANTIX. If you, your family, or caregiver notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away. Also tell your doctor about any history of depression or other mental health problems before taking CHANTIX, as these symptoms may worsen while taking CHANTIX. In clinical trials, the most common side effects of CHANTIX include: Nausea, sleep problems, constipation, gas and/or vomiting. These are not all the side effects of CHANTIX. Ask your doctor or pharmacist for more information on the possibility of projectile diarrhea, stigmata, uncontrolled Lambata dancing, spontaneous combustion or our personal favorite, the ability to remove the top of your skull because some otherworldly force has sliced it open and installed a hinge, for easy access. And we’re not just talking about side affects lasting more than four hours, like some other medications out there, we mean you should call your doctor right away after, oh say, the first time you kick your dog, put your kids in a closet or murder your neighbor. Or maybe just start smoking again because, after all, if smoking doesn’t kill you, CHANTIX will!