WATCH: UFCW’s hilariously bad anti-liquor-privatization ad

You might be in support of privatizing Pennsylvania’s liquor stores, but have you ever considered that doing that could actually kill your children, you monster? Well, at least that’s what the new anti-liquor-privatization ad from the United Food and Commercial Workers union says, and union men would never lie.

UFCW Local 1776, the group behind the ad, represents Wine & Spirits employees, so as you can imagine, there’s a line that must be toed here. Understandable, but unfortunately, this one came out like a Saturday Night Live skit.

As per the ad, there is one primary worry that we should have as we consider allowing supermarkets and convenience stores to sell alcoholic beverages: That it will be a cascading wall of death fueled by drunken slobs who never before could get their hands conveniently on anything alcoholic. End times, people—end times.

The ad does not imply that liquor privatization will kill our children. It states it explicitly, echoing decades back to the shameless scare tactics of ruinous propaganda like Reefer Madness and its ilk. Take, for example, the commercial’s final line: “It only takes a little bit of greed to kill a child.”

And, if anything, phasing out an outdated, inefficient regulatory system is exactly that, apparently. Decide for yourself below: