Thursday, 24 September 2009

Pentwyn (pron: pen-twin) is an area of Cardiff. It is on the outskirts, physically and in other ways. It's not all bad, but being a misery guts I have zoomed in on the sadness and dilapidation of the area, rather than its more positive points. This be the result:

Poem for Pentwyn

This is where the houses look like weeping headsThis is where the children sleep in unmade bedsThis is where the washing hangs itself on linesThis is where graffiti obliterates the signsThis is where you find discarded clothing in the parkThis is where the daytime’s just as dangerous as dark

PentwynTwined with no-onePentwynA place penned-inPentwynPent up with sadnessPentwynMore lose than win

This is where the bluebottles breed inside the binsThis is where the beer bottles lead to other thingsThis is where the lampposts blink like frightened menThen black out when young girls shout beneath their gaze againThis is where the ragged woods are all choked up with cansThis is where the boys in hoods steal from each others’ nans

PentwynTwined with no-onePentwynA place penned-inPentwynPent up with sadnessPentwynMore lose than win

This is where the gardens grow busted-up TVsThis is where the needles that you find don’t fall from treesThis is where the sun beats too hard upon bare backsThis is where the rain falls down broken pavement cracksThis is where the women have one too many kidsThis is where the kids end up in those ‘most wanted’ vids

PentwynTwined with no-onePentwynA place penned-inPentwynPent up with sadnessPentwynMore lose than win

Friday, 18 September 2009

(1) Starbucks, to the weary traveller, with its air con, Earl Grey (with soya milk), and washroom facilities, is a godsend. Starbucks RULES! There can never be enough of ‘em.

(2) If waiting in a queue, try to stand behind Indian people (they are used to lining up, and seem to get ahead quickly – you can follow in their wake) and in front of Japanese people (they never push – if they try, look them in the eye, and they will fill up with shame and stop).

(3) NEVER stand in front of Russian people!!! Pushy buggers.

(4) The best hostels are the ones with free breakfast and cheap laundry/internet facilities. These ‘extras’ usually mean that the essentials are AOK.

(5) If you are walking about in America (say, NYC), and see a lot of very attractive, beautiful people, do not be disheartened. The ‘real’ people are in work! This lot are merely failed/wannabe actors/models.

(6) Try not to speak when buying items that have no price marked. Once they hear your accent, the shopkeeper will double (or even triple) the price. Give a confident smile and you will be fine.

(7) ‘Salad bars’ are the best thing in the US. They are made up of self-serve salad/hot food/fruit. You can try lots of different food in a plastic bowl. There is no excuse for not getting your 5-a-day.

(8) Speaking of which: never declare fruit to customs officials. Unless you WANT to spend an hour in ‘agricultural inspection’ just so they can dispose of it (‘it’ being that apple you took off the plane, and were only given cos you couldn’t eat their wheat-filled cake dessert). Just put it at the bottom of your bag and you will (probably) get through.