Keeping up with the Kardashians

I love Maury. I know I'm not alone. And since they'll never actually be a celebrity edition of the infamous paternity test shows, I guess we'll have to settle for the next best thing with a tabloid-waged Kardashian baby daddy drama. Yum!

Last week Kourtney Kardashian's alleged ex-lover Michael Girgenti, a model whom she had done a photoshoot (and much more) with years ago had filed a suit against her claiming he was Mason's biological father.

Michael claimed Kourtney and Scott Disick were experiencing one of their infamous relationship snafus when Kourtney got frisky with him to the tune of unprotected sex. And nine months later out popped little Mason, whom Michael wages looks identical to him. He demanded that Kourtney take a paternity test to see if he is the biological father of the three-year-old.

I feel badly for Khloe Kardashian. Not only have divorce rumors been plaguing her marriage to Lamar Odom since day one, everything negative surrounding her plays out in the public forum. She continues to stand by her man as women are selling their stories about their affairs with the NBA player. Keepin' it klassy. Let the famewhore march begin!

According to TMZ and mom Kris Jenner (wait, are they not one and the same?), Khloe and Lamar have not discussed even the possibility of divorce, with Kris telling the site, "Khloe and Lamar are absolutely not getting divorced. There's been no talk of divorce."

Other sources confirm the news that there has been no talk of a split or meetings with attorneys. However, you'll also notice that no one is denying any of the cheating allegations recently waged against Lamar.

Khloe has been keeping up appearances with twitpics of the lovebirds, but Lamar's mistress numero uno, Jennifer Richardson, an LA business woman, is speaking out! Jennifer said Khloe discovered Lamar's infidelities and once she became aware started having Jennifer followed.

A whole lot of reality TV fans still care about the Kardashians – 2.856 million this week – despite the cries that say otherwise. I've honestly never seen an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, but a quick Google search tells me that Sunday's episode featured a pouty Kendall who wants her own beach house and a pissed off Kris who deniesBruce a putting green.

I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Moving on…

The wee bump up that Real Housewives of New Jerseyreceived last week, possibly due to Joe and Teresa Giudice's federal indictment, disappeared faster than Poison's spray-on hair. This week, 2.410 million viewers came back to see the end of Teresa and Jacqueline's little tawk, which is a 6.37% decline in viewership. Is it time for Bravo to recast this hot mess?​

Kim Kardashian and her baby daddy are still blathering on about selling or not selling daughter North West'sbaby photos. We've been hearing these "reports" (code for "Kris Jenner hopes"?) that baby Kimye's first pictures could fetch up to $3 million dollars. Kanye made it pretty clear he doesn't want to share her at all and they've been keeping her under wraps.

Like sand through the hourglass, these are the days of the Kardashian's lives. There's never a dull moment in Kamp K and in the latest drama to hit the family who lives for a tabloid exploit, Kourtney Kardashian's alleged ex-lover filed a paternity suit against her claiming he's Mason's biological father!

Male-model <insert Zoolander voice here> Michael Girgenti got tired of doing the Le Tigre and decided to engage in an on-set dalliance with Kourtney instead. The two met during an August 2008 photo shoot and he claims Kourtney was all kinds of complaining about Scott Disick at the time.

In court documents hand delivered to them by Kris Jennerobtained by TMZ, Michael recalls that Kourtney said she and Scott were "on the outs" and she "wanted to hang" with Michael. They started a text relationship that turned into a sexual one in April 2009.

Like, oh my God, is there is anything that those Kardashian/Jenner girls don't do? They are like, designers and writers, and they like are so fashionable. It's no surprise that fifteen-year-old Kylie Jenner and seventeen-year-old Kendall Jenner are following in their older sisters' footsteps when it comes to branding. After all, like, look at who their mother is!

While the Jenner girls are no strangers to clothing lines (they have their own with PacSun) and the latest fads (embarrassingly, I follow them on Twitter…and not for this gig–although I suppose that should be my excuse!), both sisters want to do things their own way. They don't want to be compared to their Kardashian kounterparts. Hey, can you blame them? However, Kendall and Kylie admit that they would be open to a klothing kollaboration with sister Kim'sbaby daddyKanye West.

Meanwhile, the sharks ate the Hollywood Exes alive, as only 667,000 viewers bothered to tune in. Hollywood Exes has two problems in my opinion. One – too much competition on Sunday. The show should move back to Wednesday. Two – viewers are over the Andrea Kelly and Jessica Canseco drama.

Finally, Princesses: Long Island finished their first (hopefully last) season on a higher note, with 899,000 viewers. Even the sharks swam away from this hot mess in search of something less irritating. Princesses Long Island's season average was 889,300.