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Thursday, August 20, 2015

Happy Birthday Rayyan

Rayyan’s birthday began with a precious moment for me today.
Farheena wanted to wish Rayyan “Happy Birthday Rayyan” but had trouble saying
it. So, as usual she asked him to help her out and he helped her say – “Happy
birthday Rayyan”. I am a proud and happy Mom.

I cannot believe Rayyan is already a young man. He was just
a kid few months ago. I think he is a kid even now, though he does have a
wisdom which is missing in my life even now.

I am so happy that I
have lived to see him grow into a wonderful human being. As I reflect back on
the years he has been with me, I feel quite overwhelmed by his character. He
could set a Guinness record for behavior. Never has he fought with anyone,
never landed a blow on a single person or animal, not once has he fought with
me, never pestered me for anything he needs, and never has he been the cause of
pain (either physical or emotional) or anyone. The ‘never’ here is not a
general once in a while never. It is zero; actually a zero score.

It is through Rayyan that I learned to value and love my mom
as I should have. His birthday takes me back in time reminding of an incidence
when a tiny child once had asked me, ‘why children have to take the surname of
their father and not mother. Mothers do much more for children than father,
even carrying them in the tummy, feeding them, and caring for them until they
become independent to fend for themselves.’ The question from my son shocked
me, because being a mom; I had never given a thought to this matter. Neither
had I thought of taking my mom’s name but proudly went by with my father’s
family name and then with that of my husband. I had never felt grateful to my
mom for carrying me in her tummy, feeding me nor caring for me, because I
assumed that is what mothers do. I had taken this wonderful gift for granted
until now. To get out of the sticky situation, I said, ‘it is easy for boys to
take name of their father, because it goes well with their own male names’.
Kids are smart and they always have few counter questions ready to attack us.
He had one too… ‘what about the girls, why do they have the male names attached
to theirs?’ I had lost the argument in just three sentences. I conceded defeat
and told him that I would think about this later.

When people ask me who has been the strongest support in my
journey of life, I always have to say it is my son. Since a tender age he has been there with me, lending his
support whenever I needed it the most. Without him, dealing with cancer,
uncomfortable marriage, special needs child and other tough situations of life
was impossible for me. No other person can ever do what he has done in
empowering me, even though he is younger to me by 24 years. With his tiny
enlightening revelations about my importance and with his ever constant
encouragement, I started realizing my own potential at the age of 38 years. A
silly woman who had thrown away her education and independence, slowly started
picking it up once again.

A person who strictly follows non-violence in his life, he
has never flexed his muscles for any reason. He does not create any violent
situation in his life at all, as he peacefully solves all the issues around
him. People, who often think of heroes, imagine them to be those bodyguard
types who will bash up people who threaten their women. Are they the only
heroes? For me they are not, as they are ones who think women need protection
and they are the ones who can care for and protect them. The real hero is the
person who can give strength, respect and independence to women where they will
not need a man to rescue them. That is what my son has been to me until now.

He is not ashamed to do any household chores even when my
friends or teen girls are visiting our home. His friends, who made fun of him
initially, realized later that being a good helpful son is not a wrong thing or
something to be ashamed of. By helping me finish off the household chores
quickly, he allows me to spend time with my children watching some movie or
playing games. In a village with narrow
minded people, he never voiced his views but silently went on helping me manage
my house work like any daughter would do. He set example there with his
actions.

His major contribution in my life has been his sharing
responsibility of bringing up my special needs daughter. He is the most caring
and loving elder brother a sister can have, moreover he is a proud brother who
has made her a part of his life. When most brothers tell their sisters never to
come in contact with their friends, my son not only introduces her to his
friends but sees to it that she gets a bit of attention and respect from people
around her, so that she will never feel left out. Though I have collected a lot of information
from doctors, internet and counselors, the best solution for my daughter’s
problems comes from him. When I being a mother struggle to understand what she
is saying because of her limited vocabulary, Rayyan does understand her so
quickly.

All members in my family have received the same respect from
him. I have never seen him treat any girl with disrespect or call her names no
matter what she is wearing. He believes that every person has their own choice
of dress code, and they should be allowed to wear what they are comfortable
with.

He often reminds me to take some fun time for myself in a
day. The boy, who never pesters me for anything he wants, does that when he
sees me working too hard, urging me slow down and have some fun too. Whenever I
have to go out for some work, he takes excellent care of my daughter, treating
her like a princess. Without his support, I would never been a graduate,
freelance writer, blogger, life-skill trainer or earned my Master’s degree. He
has given me the insight into what I really am and given me courage to stop
pretending to be someone else just to please people around me.

Am I lucky? You tell me. He has changed me a lot in the past
23 years. My daughter has been the reason why I fought cancer fiercely but
Rayyan is the person in my life who helped me fight cancer. Even as a young
child he would be there to comfort and encourage me..

He has a talent for coming up with some wonderful quotes at times
which makes sense perfectly for the situation which has me rolling in laughter.
I think he is compensation for all the rest of the shit I have in my life.

Thank you Rayyan for being such a wonderful son any mother
would be proud of. Never once have I regretted having you as a son nor once
have I been frustrated. I may never have dared to ask for such a wonderful son
ever. Thank you God for considering me worthy enough to have Rayyan in my life.
He makes such a huge difference to me.

Wish you all the happiness in your life dear Rayyan. May God
Bless You Today and Always!