subscribe

Pages

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thursday, May 29, 2008

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

My sis in law came across yer site, and sent out emails to check out this story...So, I did...I too thought that was a girl with a bow, watering "something".. *L* I would never have guessed that was a fireman.. (and my hubby is a volunteer fireman, he never looked like THAT!)... but it IS a funny story!! LMAO!

I thought I was dumb: didn't look like a fireman, "China" didn't fit and the hose didn't look "fleshy". THEN, after reading all of the comments, I nearly tinkled my panties from laughing! The best was the "good suck" and the moyel hazzard pay!!! Reminds me of the complaints the lottery received after advertising a game called "Crown Jewels". Several "religious right" ladies said the lottery was being vulgar by advertising "family" jewels!

I'm not sure how I found your site... smoochiefrog maybe.. but OMG am I glad I did. It took me 151 minutes to read this post as the tears made the words blurry... and that was before I'd even read about costco. Whew... no ab workout for me tonight.

My boys could not see it. Weirdos. Teen boys not seeing it? I think they are trying to make me think I am perverted and they are pure of mind. I know better. 19 and 15? Sheesh! How naive do they think I am? LOL

After seeing this post and sharing it with my husband who also thought it was hilarious, I was going to get a Costco "fireman" cake for him for his birthday this year! Thought I'd share for anyone else who had the same idea, Costco no longer has the "fireman" cake on their order form options. :) *lol*

"I never knew there was a strong anime tentacle porn market in pastries."

A friend of mine asked me to make a tentacle hentai cake for her private (i.e. her dirty-minded friends only -- mind, all of us are past 30 by now, not family) graduation party.

I should now get into designing one, since that event is close at hand. No money will exchange hands (so the cake probably won't end up here), but I will guarantee that it'll be a wreck of all sorts...

hahahaha! i work in a church and had to actually leave the building and run for the parking lot before i exploded with laughter in my very quiet office!! shrinking the story just wasn't enough to calm myself down. it honestly, was like laughing in church...

This was soo funny. I especially liked the deeply religious cake decorator touch. And his analysis of heman nature - how people will look at it but not say anything for fear of being the only one who noticed. Love this site, and glad my friend Carol told us about it!!I'll be back!!Karen at wheresmydamnanswer.com

I didn't catch the flesh toned hose at all. It actually made perfect sense to me. I just assumed it was some culturally insensitive reference to a Chinese fire drill. Here is the wiki def:A Chinese fire drill is a pejorative expression usually referring to a prank, or perhaps an expression of high spirits, that was popular in the United States during the 1960s.[1][2] It is performed when a car is stopped at a red traffic light, at which point all of the car's occupants get out, run around the car, and return to their own seats. Chinese fire drills are sometimes executed when one needs to get something from the trunk of a car. Occasionally, if one of the participants is late to get inside the car, the others might drive off without him/her. People have reported this phenomenon as early as the 1940s, so it is possible that the phrase was current at the time, but simply was not recorded.

Thus the expression "Chinese Fire Drill" is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.

The term is also used as a figure of speech to mean any large, ineffective, and chaotic exercise.

BTW This site just became my new happy. Thank you thank you thank you for making it!

I suppose the fact that the decorator was deeply religious and from a foreign country was meant to suggest that she was so sheltered and/or pure of heart that she simply never could have realized that there could be an off-color interpretation of this picture. (Maybe she'd never even seen male body parts?)

Either that or it's a very strange and rare religion that involves worship of slightly androgynous firemen with big... no, never mind. That is far too silly.

Saw the fireman right away... was pretty sure the hose-looks-like-a-wang was coming... was a bit baffled by the inscription... read his story, good for a smile and all but somehow it just didn't seem to make me fall down laughing...

Until I came across the comment that said the wording appeared to say "good suck in China".

It took half an hour for me to get my breath back and my face dried!!! I guess there's something for everyone in this cake, even a sour old cynic like me. Thank you for this great blog!

I am sorry to tell you, but I first saw this almost a week ago, and still have not stopped laughing. Every time I think of the guy's comments, his wife's reaction, the Costco employees standing around laughing, I start to go off, until I cry......

I started to laugh the moment I looked at this cake. Reminds me of a t-shirt I bought a friend in Paris. The fireman looks like a firewomen. I have never seen a fire hose that color and I should know as I am a fire fighter. We don't call them fireman any more since there is so many of us women in the field. Everytime I think about the cake I start laughing again. Love the site.

This made me laugh so hard that even the cat was looking at me weird. And then pity the poor kid who came to the door to deliver Boy Scout popcorn. He thought I was crying or crazy! I love this kind of weird humor!

I was looking up costco cakes to get pricing when I found this site. Yes it looks like a dripping wang and I did see a fireman. Looking at it again I can see the little girl with the flower hat holding a big WANG which is even worse.

I think the part that made me laugh the most is that I can totally see how a headache can impair your judgement to the point that you make the first mistake of ordering a random fireman for a cake. I can see this happening to me in one of my headache fogs only to wake the next day and wonder what the f I was thinking. So funny...great cake and an even better story!

Oh my gosh....I don't know if I've ever really laughed until I cried, and maybe it's the fact that it's 2AM, or the fact that my allergies are going a little crazy, but this had me going. The cake itself is only moderately funny, but with the story, it's absolutely hysterical!

I'm with Marta. Didn't laugh once. It was a well told story, but things-that-look-like-wangs pictures are about as common as guys-getting-hit-in-the-nuts-while-teaching-their-children-to-play-baseball videos. Meh.

I only felt the need to comment because so many people are laughing til they cry. You need to get out more!

WE HAD THE SAME CAKE!!!! No lie!! When my husband turn 25 (a couple of years ago) I bought him a cake from a Seattle area Costco with a fireman on it and the writing "happy 25th birthday adam". The next day I picked it up...well...we saw the same thing. A dripping, you know what. I totally wish I had a picture, but the 'fireman' might have been going through a sex change. There was a set of you know whats also. HA! Thanks cakewrecks!

OMG... ROFLMAO... It hurts... oh,,, it hurts... Laughing so hard, I think I might need my inhaler... typing by feel, cuz, i can't see anything through the tears... LOLOLOLOL

just found your blog, today. A friend who knows I am doing my own wedding cakes sent the link, as a stress reliever. It's working! and am thoroughly enjoying going through your archives... but this one... omg

"Fireperson" looks most like Lil' Lulu to me, but yeah, the flared edges at the nozzle totally take away any notion that it's anything but a giant wang. Does he have pics of people's faces at the office party?!

Just loved that story. At first I thought my imagination is simply too dirty to see anything else, but it's really good not to be the only one. By the way, what happened afterwards? No sexual harassment party at the office?

Oh my gosh!!! I was dying reading this post... Especially 'cause my reaction before I read the whole thing was this: "Wow... I'm seriously dirty-minded! I need to take my mind out of the gutter... Anyway, let's see what Jen has to say about a fire...woman? and China." Hysterical.

Oh my. It's the grin on the fireman's face that makes the story so funny...

And I agree, there are tons of collections of inadvertent phallic depictions on the web, most of them more bite-my-tongue-I-daren't-say-anything than this, but I have known people who were that innocent...

At first I wondered why so little water was coming out of the hose, but then I noticed that the firefighter is standing on the hose, and kinking it with his/her right hand.So the most innocent possible take on the picture is that it's a highly incompetent firefighter.

But I only thought of that after considering that it's an extremely well-endowed firefighter with an incontinence problem.

I've been reading Cakewrecks on and off for probably six or seven months now, and this is the first one that I HAD to comment on. Absolutely, positively priceless. That hose is absolutely just the wrong color (how naive WAS that decorator?), not to mention that the "nozzle" doesn't actually look like a nozzle. The water makes it a billion times worse.

That said, I'm currently making my girlfriend ask repeatedly if I'm alright. Primarily because everyone else in the house is asleep and she's afraid I'll wake them up with my (barely-suppressed) laughter.

Moral of the story: Have some kind of plan in mind when ordering cakes from big chain stores. They're liable to have someone there that doesn't really know what they're doing. XD

This is wonderful, partly because of the enormous leaky wang and partly for aiming said wang at the fire hydrant (which is in danger of bursting into flames at any moment).

But the best part is the sheer randomness of the story and cakes that make no sense... almost makes me want to order a cake using William S. Burrough's cut-up method or MegaHAL for the text, and rolling dice for selecting the image. So I'd end up with a purple cake with a penguin that says THE RAIN WASHES MEMORIES FROM THE GLANDS OF COWS.

You are going to love my blog. After reading your blog, which was quite funny, it brought to my attentin a blog I wrote months ago. Please go to www.pushthewheel.com. In my archives is THE FUNNIEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN COSTCO. It was very embarrassing.

I know you will appreciate the story. It was very true. Please let me know what you thought

Stefani This made me laugh because I have been a cake decorator at Costco for 13 years and I remember doing this lame design. We always made the hose dark because of this unfortunate situation going on in this design. Believe me we were all grateful when they discontinued this hose holding firman!!!!!

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.