Though he’s a born-and-bred Scot, versatile actor and ultra-eligible bachelor Gerard Butler (300, Phantom of the Opera, P.S. I Love You, How to Train Your Dragon, Olympus Has Fallen) has — for the last couple years, at least — resided primarily in Malibu.

Mr. Butler first tested the (cold) Malibu waters by leasing a rather stunning ranch from hotshot Malibu realtor Chris Cortazzo for a lengthy period of time.

It was here at his leased ranch, Yolanda believes, where Mr. Butler got a rather — ahem — unwelcome surprise one night. As was first reported by The National Enquirer, of all publications — upon his return home one night our boy was assaulted by two squealing dingbat fangurls. “I LOVE YOU!!!” “MARRY US AND GIVE BIRTH TO OUR BABIES!!” “CATCH THESE PANTIES!!!” the koo-koo Katies belched. Or something like that.

Now listen, kiddies. Yolanda is rather easily excitable, so if we met some brain-lackin’ lassies like that in our own house, we’d have cleaned their non-functioning clocks or even grabbed our Glock. We don’t play when it comes to that mess. We throw down. But to Mr. Butler’s credit, his unflappable musclebound self supposedly barked at the young girls that they’re lucky he wasn’t going to call the cops. Instead, he gave them a very stern lecture about being young and foolhardy and sent them packin’ with their tails between their legs. Sans autograph, of course. Yolanda hopes their mommy and daddies then acquainted their behinds with a hairbrush. Or a wooden spoon, as Our Mama would suggest.

However, a creepy fangurl encounter is apparently not enough to scare Mr. Butler outta town! In fact, sometime around the time that happened he finally sealed the deal on a home purchase in a top-secret deal.

Several months ago (way back in May of 2016) a mysterious LLC plunked down $6,450,000 for a rather unusual compound on Point Dume, Malibu’s most famously star-studded neighborhood. And we may have missed the sale altogether had it not been for our trusty pal Vlad The Revealer over at Celebrity Address Aerial.

The purchasing entity (“Mister Five Real Estate LLC”) leads down a dark, dead-end road. We had to scrounge and beg and it took Yolanda months to ferret out the truth, but finally we’ve been able to confirm that the affable new owner is none other than our Mr. Butler himself.

Anyway, the landlocked property contains a very spacious 1.67 acres of flat, park-like land and two separate “architectural masterpiece” structures, according to the listing.

A long driveway passes a chunky driveway gate and rambles along a wooded lane until it reaches the main house, a wood/concrete/glass origami-like confection. Originally built in 1980 by architect W. Earl Wear, the modernist house underwent a remodel in 1990 and today includes 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms in a downright modest 1,817-square-feet of living space.

The house reminds Yolanda of a rather odd mixture of the Flintstones house, Frodo Baggins’ house, and the Diamonds Are ForeverElrod House in Palm Springs. Yes, it really does remind us of all three of those. We swear we haven’t been drinking!

The master bedroom certainly isn’t large by today’s supersized standards — even for a regular, non-mansion house — but it has a fireplace and room for both Mr. Butler and his live-in girlfriend and/or future wife Morgan Brown. Perhaps this purchase signals he’s not much longer for bachelor-dom? Married life is callin’.

One thing Yolanda cannot abide are those knotty pine (?) walls. We know some people love them for the “mountain cabin” feel they provide, but we’d like to punch those people in the mouth!

Oh dear. There we go being unnecessarily violent again.

Top left is the third of the three bedrooms. Towards the front of the property — just inside the driveway gate — is a privately-situated swimming pool with an elegant rectangular shape. There’s also a spa and a wee wooden shack with plenty of storage space for surf boards and towels and etc.

Unfortunately, it appears there ain’t no bathroom out by the pool. Should Mr. Butler find himself sopping wet and in dire need of some relief, he’ll either have to do his business in the bushes or skedaddle all the way back to the main house. And it’s a loooong walk.

By now you’ve probably guessed or realized that the property has no ocean view. And while it may seem insane to pay $6.45 million for a house on Point Dume (an area renowned for its spectacular bluff-top ocean views) without a view, check out the natural stream, the sycamore trees, the wondrous privacy the compound provides. It’s only Yolanda’s useless opinion, but we happen to think Mr. Butler’s financial outlay was wholly justified.

There’s the cute (sorta?) cottage.

The property was sold to Mr. Butler by a TV commercial director named Geoffrey Barish and his wife, realtor Sadie Pollack Barish. The Barishes paid just $1,265,000 for the estate back in 2000 and at some point during their ownership hired noted eco-friendly Santa Monica-based architect Chris Sorensen to build a treehouse-like two-story guesthouse near the rear of the property.

Yolanda is not certain about the size of the guesthouse, but the one-bed, one-bath structure is undoubtedly smaller than the sub-2,000-square-foot main house.

Ahhh, the natural beauty of Point Dume (and Malibu in general). Forget those silly celebs, fangurls, y’all should be stalking this beatiful scenery.

As we already mentioned, the property itself does not feature any sort of ocean view, but it does come with a coveted key to the all-but-private and gloriously scenic Little Dume Beach.

The locale: Point Dume is not only the most celeb-studded part of Malibu, it sports one of the densest populations of famous folks in LA — second only, perhaps, to the far more central Hollywood Hills neighborhood. Current Point Dume residents include Julia Roberts, Barbra Streisand, Chris Martin, Sean Penn, Matthew McConaughey, Bob Dylan, Emilio Estevez, Owen Wilson, Anthony Hopkins, Ryan Kavanaugh, Matt Bellamy, Kid Rock, Kenny G, Cheryl Hines & Robert Kennedy, Bryan Singer, Don Rickles, Shaun White, and probably many more that we’re forgetting at the moment. Just down the street from Mr. Butler’s new abode is a big house currently owned by Pink, although Yolanda happens to know she will soon close a secret deal to sell it to French financier Matthieu Pigasse.

Mr. Butler still owns a no-longer-used house in the trendy (and pricey) Los Feliz neighborhood. Unsurprisingly, according to Our Mama, our Scottish friend hoisted that house up for sale or lease just this month.

And as for any of you goofy fangurls who might be reading this: don’t even think about it, babies. The property is completely walled and gated with a full security system. And something tells us our boy Mr. Butler won’t be so forgiving the second time around. K?

Congrats to Mr. Barish to sell this cute property listed for over nine months! And here is the genuine address, BTW: 6670 Wildlife Road Malibu, CA 90265, which is listed – like 4,999 more private homes of the Rich and Famous, here: https://about.me/CATCHtheRICH