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Topic: The Feminization of Men by Bill Barnwell (Read 8373 times)

This article is painfully true. >:(To those who are married, I hope it gives you insight into what young men face in this society. One has to do what is necessary to survive.

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The Feminization of Menby Bill Barnwell

Whatever happened to the virtue of masculinity? It is long gone if today's popular culture is any indicator. There was once an era where a man was supposed to be a man. He looked like a man, he talked like a man and he acted like it. Not so anymore. Today, if you want to be an appealing, attractive male, then you had better feminize yourself, and feminize yourself quick. It reminds me of a joke I used to tell my friends in high school: "If you want to get chicks, you have to act like one sometimes." The sad part is, while we laughed, I knew in the back of my mind that there was a good deal of truth to my quip.

What basis do I have for saying these things? Let's look at the eternal cat and mouse game of mating and dating. The art of attracting the opposite sex is in some ways analogous to the free market. What is considered attractive changes as time goes on. Men and women must adapt with these changes as time goes on. Mullets and tight jeans typically do not attract many females these days (they used to!); instead they evoke jokes and laughter. Just like in the free market, where the worker has to adapt and learn new skills or be left behind, men and women are forced to adapt to the changing standards of what is considered appealing or they will be left without a mate.

Each sex puts on his or her best face and packages themselves to attract the opposite sex. What do women find attractive today? Sissies. Women are CONSTANTLY trying to get men to look more like women. Dye or highlight your hair, be real slim and wear form-fitting clothing, get an earring, get rid of excess body hair, etc etc etc. If you look at the average teen magazine or other periodical directed towards 13-30 year olds, take a look at the men, er, boys that they feature. There is always some scrawny, smiling twit, with messy highlighted hair wearing tight clothing or the preppy sissy outfits peddled by the likes of American Eagle or Abercrombie, with his cute little earring and totally smooth body, devoid of any chest or other body hair. If you ask me, they look more like yuppies from San Francisco, yet this is what passes as "hot" to the average young female.

Well, if young women are trying to get young men to be more feminine, are young men trying to get women to be more masculine? Absolutely not! Do you see men encouraging women to cut all their hair off (even though short hair catches on with a lot of girls since it is easier to manage in the mornings), work out and bulk up, wear baggy and masculine looking clothing, remove their makeup, and not be so concerned about shaving their legs? No and you won't be seeing that anytime soon. For the most part, guys still prefer women to look and act like women.

If I'm wrong then what exactly was that whole boy band craze about? A bunch of singing and dancing pretty boys whom when they weren't whining in their songs about the girl they loved or missed tried to occasionally act like bad boys? And what is this whole Abercrombie thing all about? What ridiculous clothes. You can go into there or American Eagle and pay an outrageous amount of money for silly shirts with numbers, icons, symbols and other strange things that don't make sense with a little yuppie twist to them. If you ask me, their clothing is way overpriced and not that good. But guys will continue to open up their wallets, because it allows them to look like wimps and that's what girls want. Then you can add the cute little white hats (with the college initials on them) that a lot of guys wear, add some blonde streaks to your hair, throw on an earring, and bam, you can be completely sissified and attract women to you.

Now just because women want guys to look like wimps doesn't mean they want them to totally act like wimps. Indeed, acting like a total wimp will never get you a girl. Women hate guys they can walk all over and who appear weak. Instead you have to be a hybrid of "sensitive - confident bordering on cocky." That is what works best. A girl likes it if a guy isn't afraid to show some emotion, and if he cries, you better believe all her friends will know about it the next day. But if crying is the norm for the guy, he will reenact the Exodus with the women around him. No, a girl likes a guy who is sensitive but strong. Humble but cocky. Nice but arrogant. They like a little of both extremes, tailored to a nice middle ground approach. It is the great contradiction, but my observations show this is what women want. Some even like it if a man is a total arrogant jerk. They like a man with a little bit of edge. Sometimes it seems that the worse a man treats a woman, the more she likes him. And the saying that nice guys finish last is totally true! I know a lot of girls who have dumped a guy in the past because he was "too nice." It's ridiculous, but that's how the female mind thinks. Being too nice is apparently not very exciting, or a sign of weakness. You should be nice, but don't be afraid to let the jerk in you come out sometimes. This is what girls want.

So in conclusion, young women want a man who has feminine physical traits, but a combination of feminine and masculine character traits. It is in many ways a contradiction, and the seeking male has to walk a fine line between looking like a sissy and actually being a sissy. The proper balance between being a wuss and being a loudmouth tough guy must be maintained. In any event, the reign of the macho Marlboro man is gone. In is the fake, prissy looking little girly-boys like Justin Timberlake, who's silly attempt to be a cross between George Michael and an African-American bad boy isn't fooling anybody but a bunch of idiotic girls.

Those of us single men who do not like the way this trend is going are forced to do one of three things: (1) Sell out and pretty ourselves up, (2) Bite the bullet and refuse to feminize ourselves and attract a fewer number of women to ourselves than we could if we sold out, and (3) Find some sort of middle ground. Option number three is what I have done. I have highlighted my hair, but refuse to dye it. I will wear the occasional form-fitting clothing, but earrings are out of the question. I like to be slim and slender, but I’m not about to start shaving my chest. It has worked fairly well, I attract a decent number of women without totally losing my dignity, but I know I could be much more successful if I went the whole nine yards. Some may compare me to a neoconservative. The neoconservative practices an apostate version of traditional conservatism while attempting to hold on to some of the old values and ideas. You can say I am doing that with my masculinity. The difference is one’s appearance is much more likely to attract someone of the opposite sex than his or her political philosophy. And as I started earlier, it is not to any single mans advantage to be like the old mercantilist who refused to adapt to the economic times. We are being forced to adapt, painful as it is.

Hopefully one day we can go back to acting like true men.

September 1, 2003

Bill Barnwell is a pastor in Swartz Creek, Michigan and a Master’s of ministry student at Bethel College. He’s 22, handsome, and yes, ladies, he is still single.

This applies only to the US, though the ads and tv are sent all over the world and it could be spreading, but I don't know. Is it necessarily what people (male or female) like in the other or what they are *told* they should like by the merchandisers, media, ads and so forth, or even the culture of "fashion" in general? Looking over history (and Lewis mentions this in "Screwtape" iirc with the idea that the Enemy shapes the "ideal" to the most useless sorts.) the purported "ideal" changes. In the late 1800's to early 1900's there was the emphasized shapely woman (Gibson Girl). In the 20's was the flattened Flapper. This sort of pattern applies to men as well, the Dandy vs. the militaryman for example.

While women aren't told to "masculinize" they *are* told that they are nothing if men don't like them and for men to like them they have to show skin, dress in certain ways, fit in a phyical pattern of thin-ness and so forth. It has been said in the past that women's fashions are designed by people who hate women (how to explain all those torturous, foot damaging shoes? ) But the plain fact is that most women are never going to look like the models in the magazines and neither are the men.

The writer says that "Each sex puts on his or her best face and packages themselves to attract the opposite sex." Well, sometimes it's not the "best face" but a mask; the real person isn't showing.

I don't see many movies, but while reading the essay, I flashed in the Lord of the Rings movies. There has been some discussion as to whether they are "Action" movies for males or "chick flicks" for all the men in them. (neither, just a good story? Both?) I have read much from women discussing the merits/desirability of the men in them and none of them are "feminized". Legolas may have long hair, but he wields a mean bow and knife. Maybe with these movies and such others as "Master and Commander" and "Hidalgo"(except I think they changed the name on that one) there's another turn in the "Popular" image of men. Just a thought.

I also have to state here that I don't believe in "Women" or "Men". There is no monolithic bloc of thought or agreement or one single view. There are individuals, some of whom agree with some others.Sometimes there are large groups that are swayed by smaller ones. I also am a bit of an odd-ball and don't buy into alot of "pop culture" but look at it thoughtfully and try to figure out what it means, if anything.

These is just a random set of thoughts through a headache. My apologies if they aren't coherant. I'll re-read and correct when the pain meds kick in.

Ebor

Logged

"I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was "Feed my sheep", not "Try experiments on my rats", or even "Teach my performing dogs new tricks". - C. S. Lewis

Well, I'm 28 and have about 10 naturally occuring hairs on my chest. I'm thin, and am currently training for a race, so I want to be a couple of pounds thinnner (for the race, otherwise happy). Not all of us are big, fat, hairy slobs - nor is that necessarily "masculine". We all come in different shapes and sizes. I do see some truth to the article, but probably much less than the author.

He claims he knows how "the female mind" thinks, when it's pretty obvious his thesis is drawn from popular culture, and not actual relationships.

I don't have any females in my social circle who fit his description. Maybe he's running with the wrong crowd. My guess is Bill is simultaneously attracted to and repelled by the wrong crowd.

I could write an exact mirror image of this ranting article, based on what the media holds up, on what air-head guys are looking for in women, but what is the point? Especially in a forum of Christian fellowship?

I love the men in my life, and my women friends, too. I know there's shallow people out there who fit some of the stereotypes held up as "glamorous" by the media, but they don't affect my life. If these kind of people disturb you, maybe you should watch less tv, pay less attention to the mindless throb and din.

Satan thrives on attention. Bill should chill, and look below the surface at the real people around him, the ones he prays next to.

No good can come from vilifying women, just as no good has come from "feminists" who vilify men. Please tell me, where is Jesus in this? :-";"xx

Logged

"To live is to change, and to become perfect is to change often." - John Henry Neumann

Now _that_ is a good argument against Protestantism (at least non-denominational free-church Protestantism) for you guys to use if you like. But since you seem to like the article, I guess the argument will go unused.

I'm always astounded at how people can take a thing such as crying (something some saints said was necessary for salvation), and make it into an effeminate attribute. As though King David, who constantly speaks of crying, or Saint Paul, were "wussies" because of their tears. It used to be that you saw a constant flow of tears as a good thing--it signaled (in an active Christian) a tender heart, easily touched by God's grace and your own sinfulness. Nowadays we guys are just a bit too tough for all that namby pamby Christian stuff. We're nietzschefied supermen, we're into rugged invidiualism. And when we do cry, it's not the good type of tears, but it is self pity and despair. Bah!

He wants what is best for you and will give you exactly what you need to attain that, when you need it. What more could you ask for?

I may sound as if I'm being a bit hard on you Sinjin, after all, I'm married, who am I to speak to you. But it seems to me that your desire to find a wife is tainted with a certain amount of selfish desire. As long as your primary focus is on fulfilling the desires of the "+Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¦+Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¦-ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¾", I don't think God is going to give you what you seek after. My older brother, for example, made a concious decision not to pursue a relationship. Within a year he was engaged to be married. After I had broken up with my girlfriend I made a similiar decision. Not long after I met my wife to be. I can't promise that you will have the same experience, but I can promise that it will benefit you immensly if you quit worrying about it.

I've always wondered what makes nice girls fall for stupid, mean, controlling men. But I've learned that sometimes women (and men) have to play with fire before they realize that it burns.

Manhood is not a hairstyle or a fashion. It is a sacrifice. Manhood is working twelve hour days, and then coming home at the end of one, and taking out the garbage. It is honoring your wedding vows until the bitter end, or for those of us who aren't married, it is taking care of and honoring your parents.

"Those of us single men who do not like the way this trend is going are forced to do one of three things: (1) Sell out and pretty ourselves up, (2) Bite the bullet and refuse to feminize ourselves and attract a fewer number of women to ourselves than we could if we sold out, and (3) Find some sort of middle ground. Option number three is what I have done. I have highlighted my hair, but refuse to dye it. I will wear the occasional form-fitting clothing, but earrings are out of the question. I like to be slim and slender, but I’m not about to start shaving my chest. It has worked fairly well, I attract a decent number of women without totally losing my dignity, but I know I could be much more successful if I went the whole nine yards. Some may compare me to a neoconservative. The neoconservative practices an apostate version of traditional conservatism while attempting to hold on to some of the old values and ideas. You can say I am doing that with my masculinity. The difference is one’s appearance is much more likely to attract someone of the opposite sex than his or her political philosophy. And as I started earlier, it is not to any single mans advantage to be like the old mercantilist who refused to adapt to the economic times. We are being forced to adapt, painful as it is. "

You know, what you are is what you get. And if all you do is put up an act, you'll either end up with an idiot or another fraud.

Honestly, I don't think the guy knows what he's talking about. It is not women who are trying to get men to look feminine. I'll just be neanderthal and come out and say it plainly... The fashion industry is dominated by homosexual men. It is the homosexual designers who want men to resemble teenage boys.

I love the show - it's heavily scripted, but they generally take a guy with bad clothes and a messy house, clean him up with some more flattering clothes and a decent haircut, and re-do his house.

It's got some lame innuendo, but it's hardly on the same level as prime time TV, which push well past PG-13, IMHO.

Gretchen

Ditto. I think it's hilarious - but it's mainly just on Bravo and I don't get it, so I've only seen a few episodes (that NBC chooses to air). The definition of being 'masculine' is mutually exclusive of being an ugly slob.