Hong Kong student living in Toronto strikes a nerve on Twitter with eerie observations about Canadian life

'I urge all Canadians to read this and to feel real fear,' one journalist wrote about Shoji Ushiyama’s deadpan tweets on the unsettling horrors of living in Canada

Shoji Ushiyama, who goes by the online alias Kavaeric. Of his tweets on Canada, he says "The overwhelming reaction seems to be: 'You should read this because it is terrifying and it is also very true.’ "Shoji Ushiyama

The most important piece of Canadian culture produced in 2019 first appeared online Monday night at 10:55 p.m. For several hours thereafter it unspooled without attracting much notice. Tweet after tweet. Drip by drip. It unravelled. Eventually, inevitably it began to spread.

By Wednesday morning it was everywhere and it was drawing rapturous praise. Writer Rebecca Tucker called it “the greatest work of Canadian literature that has ever been written.” National Post contributor Terry Glavin described it as the “best Canadian thing on Twitter ever.” Neil Gaiman, one of the most popular novelists alive, found it. So did venture capitalist Paul Kedrosky.

What Kavaeric, spoke to the National Post about his background, what he thought about Canada before his arrival and how his continued disbelief in the existence of Edmonton inspired his viral thread. The excerpts in italics have been edited for clarity and length.

As an expat living in Canada, the more I live here, the more I'm convinced I'm actually stuck in some kind of cryptic horror nightmare country that's subtly and slowly eating away at me.

Ushiyama studied aerospace engineering at the University of Surrey, in the U.K., before coming to Canada last year to study industrial design, first at Centennial College in Scarborough and now at the Ontario College of Art and Design downtown. He’s also a visual artist and programmer.

‘They spread salt over the roads. It poisons water and eats metal, and they tell you now it is safe.’Ernest Doroszuk/Postmedia

Ushiyama: I was born in Hong Kong. My mother is Hong Kong Chinese and my dad is Japanese,. I tend to say I’m Hong Kong born Japanese because it’s just easier to say. But I’m half and half. I attended a Canadian school in Hong Kong. So even though I’ve lived in Hong Kong all my life I actually do have an Ontario Secondary School diploma.

People speak of Calgary. You know people in Calgary. They speak of Edmonton, but no one outside of Calgary speaks of Edmonton. You're not sure Edmonton is a real place.

Ushiyama was chatting online with a friend in Calgary on Monday night when the inspiration for his thread struck. The two had an ongoing joke about Edmonton, which Ushiyama believes, to this day, may not exist.

Ushiyama: I know someone who lives in Guelph. I know someone who lives in Montreal. I just don’t know anyone who lives in Edmonton. And yet I’ve been to Calgary, which is supposed to be so close to Edmonton. But I’ve never been to Edmonton. I don’t know what is in Edmonton. I know that it’s a city in Alberta. I know that it starts with an ‘E.’ I know it’s the capital maybe, of Alberta? Is it just Calgary?

At one point during the back and forth about Monday’s election, Ushiyama sent the words “Cryptic Canada” to his friend, who replied with a question mark. “It feels like America,” Ushiyama wrote back, “but something is off.” Right then, he knew he had something. He kept spitballing, opened Twitter and started writing.

The bird is dangerous. It will kill you if you approach. But you may not attack the bird, as the bird is protected. Harm the bird, and the humans will pass judgement on you.

‘They say the coffee shop is central to their collective identity. You mention that you have been to the coffee shop before, and you liked it. The people are horrified.’Dave Abel/Postmedia

Ushiyama said that everything in his Twitter thread, at one point or another over the past year and half, has been the strangest thing in the world to him: the fact that Canada has a London; the tour buses in downtown Toronto (“What are you site seeing?”); the sail boats docked on Lake Ontario that never seem to sail. Even the wildlife has been baffling. When he was in Calgary, Ushiyama pointed out some Canada geese to his friend. “Those birds,” his friend replied, “do not deserve to be named after our great country.”

Ushiyama: Before I came to Canada, the only thing I knew about geese is that they look like swans and that they’re really good to eat. They’re really delicious when you roast them. In Hong Kong, roast goose is a delicacy. The geese (here) are like the swans in the U.K., they look really innocuous, but they can break your arm given half a chance. So I learned that (and) I get to Centennial and I’m staying in the residence and there is a flock of geese outside the window from where I live. ‘Wow, this is an omen, I am going to die.’ Obviously I am not dead. Unless Canada is the afterlife, which it may be.

People praise the coffee shop. They joke about the coffee shop. They say the coffee shop is central to their collective identity. You mention that you have been to the coffee shop before, and you liked it. The people are horrified. You decide not to visit the coffee shop again.

Ushiyama spends a lot of time online. He helps moderate a Reddit community on world building and has, over the years, made many friends that way. Before he came to Canada, the Canadians he knew all praised Tim Horton’s. All that changed when he arrived.

Ushiyama: When you’re outside of Canada, everyone’s like ‘Yeah! Tim Hortons! It’s Canada, right!’ And you come to Canada and everyone hates Tim Hortons. They say the coffee is crap.

You want to move in. You ask someone about what the electricity bills are like. They ask you if you mean "hydro". You say you weren't talking about water, but electricity. They insist it's called "hydro". You accept this.

‘No one outside of Calgary speaks of Edmonton. You’re not sure Edmonton is a real place.’Ian Kucerak/Postmedia

By Wednesday morning, Ushiyama was getting so many notifications on Twitter, he had to mute the original tweet. “It’s been a lot,” he said. He has famous followers now, although he hopes they don’t expect much from him. He doesn’t think of himself as a writer. He usually tweets pictures of his art. Aside from one overtly racist message, Ushiyama said, most of the reaction to his thread has been positive.

Ushiyama: The overwhelming reaction seems to be: You should read this because it is terrifying and it is also very true.’ A lot of the expats, they’ve come up and said ‘Yeah, that’s true. Finally someone gets it. No one understands when you say you’re paying for Hydro and water.’ They’re the same thing!

The winter is dark and harsh with stinging cold. They spread salt over the roads. It poisons water and eats metal, and they tell you now it is safe.

For all the weird, occasionally horrifying things about Canada, Ushiyama does want to stay here when he finishes his degree.

Ushiyama: Home, it’s Hong Kong. You know what’s happening in Hong Kong. I could go to Japan, but the culture there is just so different. I don’t think I’d fit in in. Canada is kind of the only shot I have. I imagine that a lot of other people feel the same. I have it easy. I have a family that supports me and cares for me. But I think immigrants, it tends to be the same story. Turning back is an option, but it’s just a very, very bad one. It is one you want to avoid whatever the cost. Even if it means coming to a country that is that cold in the winter and that has weird things happening all the time and is just dark all the time in the winter time. You still come here.

‘You must come to Toronto. If you cannot come to Toronto, Toronto will come to you.’Dave Abel/Postmedia

Everyone outside of Canada thinks Canada is heaven on earth, Ushiyama said. Now that he’s lived here himself, he doesn’t think that’s true. It’s better than the U.S., he said, but that’s a pretty low bar. There is racism in Canada and sexism. There’s a housing crisis and incredible discrimination against Indigenous peoples. That said, there are positives too.

Ushiyama: (In Canada,) people aren’t giving you shit because you’ve said ‘I might be gay or pan’ or ‘I like both men and women.’ Nobody gives you shit for that. It doesn’t feel as bad as it was back where you were from. You feel like you actually have a future, even if it’s not the same one that everyone else around you is going to have.

It seems you have found the end. Congratulations. But of course, this is not the true end. The true end is Toronto. The Middle City. Your home.

You must come to Toronto. If you cannot come to Toronto, Toronto will come to you.

Ushiyama:Ushiyama was still tweeting at 9:15 on Wednesday night, even as he was speaking to the National Post. All of the tweets, he said, and there are about 100 of them, were inspired by his own experiences in Canada. All of them that is, except for one. “The one about Saskatchewan is a lie,” he said. “I’ve never been to Saskatchewan.”

You have been to Saskatchewan and it is very flat indeed, yet the horizon is never in sight.

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