Jarvis Cocker - you know him, but not personally, like a friend, or anything - has told Radio Five Live - you know it, 'cause it covers the football, even when it's on BBC 1, and then you watch it but with the radio commentary, 'cause that's better than Motty - that he quite fancies writing a song for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Morrissey - you know him, but not personally, like a friend, 'cause he once held flowers on the telly, and didn't smile much - has already said he'd fancy a crack at penning a tune for Britain at the annual televised rubbish-athon.