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Friday, March 24, 2006

Arrived as scheduled and destined on Thrusday night i.e March 16, 2006 at Chennai Airport....and O Lord !!! What an arrival it is....

Since the night I landed...Its more hectic schedule than the one imposed on me in California... :(

I donno why everywhere ppl assume me to be superman, even though I never wear my underpants out and they are never Red in color :(

anyhow....Travelled to Bangalore and had a long superb coffee talk with one gud friend of mine known as Yogi across the Globe in Protocols domain :) ...at Cafe Coffee Day, M.G Road ...I recorded it all ...so those who are interested can mail me and I shall mail it accross to you...It's a ultimate dialogue between me and Him on issues like Career, Marriage, and normal Managment Affairs...

The Killer one liner generated was "Don't Pass the Monkey...Kill the monkey"

kher...returned back on monday to chennai and on thrusday evening I took a flight to Delhi and now I am in NCR Zone catching my Ownself ....Oh Lord still heck of travelling needs to done before I reach my abode to sleep and relax....Returning back on 3rd March...

There is lot to be posted about Bangy Bash, Delhi Delites, Lovely Jet Airways Flight ;) and then again about lengthy chinwag with my newly wedded friends and their wives :) he he he....

I shall try my best to keep you all posted....Some senti stuff is boiling in Drafts and some hilarious stuff is trying to peek out of it :) lets see what comes and how....

So folks I am back to blog and this time....I am planning to beat Indiatimes editions....

Finally at last I am out of US of A and on the way to reach my homeland...I can visualise almost clearly what my Swades has for me this time....

Forgot to post from California (was too much busy in packing and setting things alright) ....anyhow part of the game...

I donot know what time zone I am in....but whatever it is I am awake and delighted to have a sight of Fog outside the airport...This airport is again big as usual and another 10 min I have before I leave Hongkong to reach Singapore...another transit....

Sights are beautiful...and climate is superb...Ppl want me to return everywhere...They want me back to US, they want me back to Chennai, they want me to return to NCR....they want me back at home, they want me join them in Hyderabad...they want me to join them in Bangalore or take them also away from there, they want me join them in Seattle, Maryland, Europe, London, Singapore, China.... and numberours other places....

But where is the place I want to be...Where is the place I want to return....

I believe I am trying my best to return to myself ...My OWNSELF.....I Want to be at a place "Where my mind is without Fear"....

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tommorow Night around 0000 hours, I shall leave US of A and I shall be flying back to my homeland..to Reach My very own Des, My Swades. Shall be touching Chennai Grounds on March 16, 2005 at 2300 Hrs...Shall be respiring in My Own Swades's Warm, humid, enchanting air.

Thereon I shall be leaving myself to collect MY OWNSELF, and shall be busy in doing so.

Shall try to be in touch with you, though I cannot confirm how much. The onus this time shall lie on you to be in touch.

The gmailid shall be the most prompt and reachable as it has always been. Rest shall be visible through my blog purple

Till we meet again it's Good Bye and Good luck.

This is the mail written to all the folks I know around the globe so that they are aware of my co-ordinates :)

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Here it is folk....Its all around me....Its the snow on the way to Reno

For the first time in my life I saw snow....Felt it....The chilling wind around, the fragrance...the sight of the bright light...and....what not.....

Some other views around the apartment....

Thy can see the snow over the mountains if you click the pic and see it in full size....

No ...I never went to those mountains....

This is how life is ....Parallel Track running accross the soul....You always have to identify which one to take...

The tracks shall be of iron and steel always, you just need to run over them...The Universe around shall be chilling, it might be raining on your head, but you can always find campanion, if nobody is out there, the Universe itself shall embrace you...

So folks continuing again...Jinda Raho Jindagi ke liye....Be alive for the Phenomenon called Life...Celebrate being alive.

and jaante ho when I repeated these words....Today morning, when I was coming out of Shower, the mirror was in front of me :) and don't know why I smiled again looking at myself...and then there was me...me and mean me....and finally all is cool ....

Coz Jab duniya keh sakti hai ki...

When Hirdu is here then why the heck you fearWhen Hirdu is here then thy shall be in right gear...

So iss baar my funda is in loopback mode ...to pump in what I desire the most...My Smile :)

Isliye sathiyo...Jinda raho jindagi ke liye...Live for the life, enjoy the phenomenon of being alive...

Live for the fragrance of lilly and jasmine (names of the gals living next door :)Live for the aroma of the being alive...Live for the touch of the breeze flowing through your hairs,Live for the twinkle of eyes, apearing each morning as you gaze in the eyes of sun,Live for the craft, this globe creates around you, to prove that its alive,Live for the soul, coz you are responsible for your own soul

so folks smile today and live...coz you are here for yourself...If you donot feel that way...and see I am here for you :) look out of your window and just see how closely life is watch you anticipating thy hand, anticipating thy mercy...just a wink from your eye, a bit of smile will do it...

So today walk closely around your office, house, chambers, coridors...and as you walk...look eye to eye at Life and wink at it :) thy shall find smile winking back to you.

He has always been a authority at home. His wife, his two sons is the whole world for him. He shall leave home everyday in the morning 9 AM, shall come back in the afternoon for lunch, go back to office around 2 PM and then come back home in the evening around 6:30 PM.

He had never been ambitious, always believed in caring for the family, righteousness of the soul and ethics. He had been a very Good father, a great husband, and very normal human being. He is the kinda "Common Man" which R.k Laxman shall draw in his "You said it" in Times of India pretty often.

Today somehow he woke up early in the morning and went to nearby park. Before leaving he made sure that his wife is sleeping and he is not making any jesture which shall wake her up before the usual timings.

Walking slowly, his mind is wandering, from past few days, he is disturbed. There is nothing unusual that has happened, but still something is there. He start going deep down the memory lane to identify.

Today his both kids are grown ups and have a very good job, elder is married and is abroad since last year, they are planning for the marriage of the younger one. His retirement is still 2 years ahead. It seems that he has fullfilled his duties well. His wife never asked anything which is far from his reach. But somehow he is feeling unfullfilled.

He needed that answer right away. But didn't knew where to go. Long time back somebody told him, "your elder son is great analyst, you must be pretty lucky to be his father". At that time he took it as just another praise. "So should I call him", he pondered.

He takes out his mobiles and dials him.

"Hello, Hi Dad, What happened, everything okay, you are awake so early", He was surpised."Yes Sneh, I donno, I woke up early today, so thought of calling you, it must be night in there, are you about to sleep, I want to talk about few things....", he answered."It's okay dad, its not that late in here...wait, u disconnect the phone, I shall call you" Sneh said.

He smiled and thought," Sneh shall always be Sneh...He shall never change"

Ring tone brought him out of his thought process."Ya Dad, tell me what has happened?", Sneh is all questions."Sneh, nothing serious as such, it something like I was thinking, that I have missed something somewhere, I donno what, where, why and how...But something is missing."

"hmmm Dad!! I knew that this shall be coming someday, but so soon is puzzling me, anyhow as you said, yes there is something missing", Sneh said."Sneh, how come you know it all, I never expected that, Is it really true that you can visualise future as people always say to me?", He asked."Well Dad! I am not a fortune teller, I donno why I always know what other person is about to ask and why he is about to ask it, sometimes I wanna get rid of it but still...no matter how far I run from it, there is always somebody who brings me near to it. I believe I have to live with it. Anyhow I donno if you shall accept what I am about to tell you." Sneh's voice was trembling.

He thought for a minute and that minute was like a eon for him, "What is that, which Sneh knows, and he is so sure about it? and why is his voice shaking ?"

Sneh continued, "Dad, you are unfull-filled coz you never said I quit. You were there always, all the time, fighting on your own most of time alone."

He was taken aback for a moment. He started thinking and Sneh continued.

"Dad, I have analyzed you so many times and thought about you, I have started observing the way you settle the things and fight for it. You were never shrewd or clever to find a escape route. You always fought for the family and never said "I Quit". I remember the instances when you were almost broke but you never broke to tears for not being able to cope up the pressures. You never shared the pain you felt, when I left, when bro left, when there were transfers to unknown and unhealthy territories, you travelled long distances to earn. I knew it all the way.

I was waiting that one day, when everything else shall be okay, but thy shall then realise that there is something missing in your life. That day is today. I know you can never share it with mom. The pressure, the agony, the fight, the pain of never taking a step back. Being the person standing all the time, looking forward for somebody to lend his hand, to be able to say a few words to bring relief to the grief, its heck of a task Dad. I know it and you why I know it all. Coz Dad, I am trying my best to be YOU someday.

I am trying to be able to handle all the pressure on my own. To bring up the family, to bring up the kids like the way you did. But still, I can never be as opaque as you were to Mom and bro, "Sangini" - your daughter in law is still able to discover the sweat on my forehead whenever I try to hard to hide them. I realised it that I can never be so opaque when I moved out for the first time.

Dad, I remember the days when you never confronted the people around you, making mockery of you being so serious and being so reserved. They shall never understand the reason, but I know, you were introvert before them and never answered them back, coz you never wanted to expose us to any difficult ego. I knew that you can answer them back and hurt their ego the way they did to yours, but you never replied. You know Dad, That is why I myself developed being a rebellion and Dad, I have answered them all back and in their lingo. I have hurted their EGO now to a limit, that they shall never raise their heads in front of you.

Dad, you know that I know that you were no God, you also failed, but you were always a shield when it came to us. Today, you are unfull-filled coz you want to know, you want to sit, and let some tears flow for the times, you were in pain.

It might have been difficult in those times, but yes Dad, I know though we are far from each other, but I can still feel, you soul getting heavy.

Dad, sit at the bench near you. Please...Let your tears flow today. There is nobody around. You shall feel better. But I want you to know, that I am proud to be your son, and yes someday I shall be you.

So Dad, Before Mom wakes up today, let these tears flow and I promise, have confidence on my confidence and that thy shall never feel unfull-filled ever after."

Sneh was silent after that and He moved to the nearest chair, sat and started weeping.

Sneh is still listening to his beats and can feel the wet tears flowing and being absorbed in the earth.

Sneh somehow knows that from today onwards there shall be no reservation between him and his Dad.

He sat there for an hour and then wiped of his tears, washed his face and left for home. He has decided that today after 35 Years he shall be preparing tea for his wife AGAIN.

============================================================Story is now complete. I dont know how many of you can feel and know what I was trying to say. I myself don't know how to make you understand Him and his son Sneh and the relationship between them. So I leave it to the reader to identify themselves with both of these characters.

I am leaving the lines written below as they are coz I want keep a reminder for myself of the headache.============================================================Headache is under control but still some problem is there, I shall be able to settle I believe :) and there are few ppl who also believe and a blog friend has sincerly told me that She won't be happy to see me awake late night :) so guys and gals I am gonna hit the bed.

The lines below shall be there till, I complete the story.Hammers hitting the skull it seems, emotions are teared in between,A lot is needed to be done and completed, the stakes are high and so are the desires,But it seems, the mind is illusioned by a Red hot Fire,

Somebody do something fast, this headache should not last,The arrow has been cast, and I cannot rhyme it coz of the pain,coz what I want say is beyond the my vision,and shall be definately said even if you donot see any reason