Sequels are the bastard children of movies. Even on the rare occasion the second movie equals or surpasses the first in a series, there is always that one (or more) ‘last’ cash grabs to suck every cent out of an already desiccated corpse. It usually isn’t pretty, and often the willing suspension of disbelief has been pushed beyond the point of credulity. This effect is even more glaring with Psychotronic films, were the sequels appear to be more reactions to box office rather a plan of any kind.

That is why when I find a quality sequel I tend to treasure that movie. How to Make a Monster is the best kind of sequel. Original and self-sustaining, it can be removed and enjoyed apart from the series it continues.

Following the success of I Was a Teenage Werewolf and I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, AIP avoided the easy paths and gives us something, in context of the series, is unexpected. True, the plot could have been lifted from an old George Zucco or Bela Lugosi film, and there are the puzzling ‘bad decisions to move the plot’ which too many movies, Psychotronic or mainstream, rely on, but overall this is not just a good 50s horror movie, it is a good movie period.

This isn’t the shallow end of the pool, it is surprisingly deep. The dialogue comments on the studio system, media influence on kids, the power plays between all those involved in movie making and the cold heart driving personnel decisions in the movie business. The actors, especially the lead Robert H Harris, actually can project nuanced and subtle emotions. Yes, all these facets could have been developed more but then it wouldn’t be the joy it is. AIP knew what the kids wanted: instead of even more depth, we get a song from Attack of the the Eye Creatures’ John Ashley.

So how do you make a monster? There are so many in this movie, made in so many different ways. There doesn’t need to be a Wolfman or Frankenstein, the real scary monsters are in the mirror.

I admit, I’m very biased towards this movie. I just love the 60’s dancing styles. Decent jazzy/surf rock underlying soundtrack. And unlike so many movies on MST3K, the pretty girls are actually pretty.

Jerry Warren is one of those underappreciated ‘anti-geniuses’ of BLC movies. Check out 1959’s Teenage Zombie, out in the public domain, and his ‘remake’ of it in 1981 called Frankenstein Island. Knowing he has made two movies worse than this one is amazing. He had no money and loved to use movie and stock footage in all his films. It is like he purposely tried to follow the style of Ed Wood and failed. He did have one ‘decent’ movie in him with The Incredible Petrified World, but I think more and more that was a mistake on his part.

Steve Brodie. The man worked a helluva lot. TV, movies. Like John Caradine, just cut the man a check and he’ll show up. Look up the IMBD pages for Batwoman (Katherine Victor) and Heathcliffe (Lloyd Nelson), impressive credits, not as actors, behind the scenes people. There were people who knew how a movie was made, unfortunately, the director wasn’t one of them.

The movie is barely an hour long, and there are all these dance sequences. Keeps us away from the dialogue.

Couldn’t even afford dials!

Rat Pfinks everywhere in the early 60’s.

A shot of Batwoman throwing her hands up in exasperation to end the movie was cut by the SOL crew. I’m right with you lady.

Watchability. 3 of 5. Actually a fun little movie. Great dancing, cute girls, absurd parody. I rewatched it twice in 12 hours that should say something.

Missing the Riffs: 3 of 5. There are going to be times I want to watch it on its own, and times I’ll want the SOL.

I was joined on this viewing by my wife. She’s not a B-movie fan and is best described as a very casual fan of MST3K. But she did sit through Kazaam, so she’s got that going for her.

“Marion cries in the Night”

The biggest problem with this movie is the start. Instead of being happy with it’s little Gaslight/Rebecca rip off, AIP (love your beach movies) had to tack on that stupid offer of a free burial if you are scared to death. As my wife said, her mind was pre-blown. There was no way it could live up to a promise of that scale.

But aside from the unfortunate expectations the intro set, ask yourself what was actor/director Alex (Mickey) Nicol thinking. Eric (John Hudson) is, at least until the portrait bonfire, supposed to be our hero. Supposed to be the guy we are cheering for. Isn’t he a great guy, helping the nice crazy rich girl and being buddy buddy with a Reverend. (Not to go too off topic, but if you don’t go to church-as it is implied Eric doesn’t-how do you meet and befriend a Reverend?) My wife found him loathsome from the git go. No way she was rooting for that bastard.

I’ll put forth that Mickey is one of the better lackeys in MST3K annals. More competent than Torgo, better looking that Ortega and nowhere near as sweaty as Lobo.

I did like the reverse House on Haunted Hill ending to this movie. Of course, it just brought attention to all the missed opportunities in the movie.

This was clearly a shoestring movie–six weeks, five actors, 2 rooms and 1 garden. There was just nothing special about this movie. I don’t know if was they had the wrong actors, or the wrong rooms, but there is just too much wrong with this one. Not the laugh out loud failure we’ll see in the future, but a slow, quiet well intentioned failure of a movie.

Watchability: 1 of 5. It just doesn’t work. Good ideas, but they just didn’t get their own movie. Decently acted, just woefully scripted and directed. On premise and plot outline, should have actually been one of the better films.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. Very shocked I missed Mike and the Bots this much. They actually do make the movie much better than it is. Probably could make this a 1, but it was really easy to find my own riffs for this viewing.