Monthly Archives: October 2013

This isn’t the same corridor that we saw before. Either the place has been redecorated since we last saw it, or there’s a back way into the offices of the Remington Steele Agency.

Anyway, we see Mr. Steele and, rather weirdly, a lady with a dog, exit the elevator. Mr. Steele is playing it cool, but we know better. He’s thinking Miss Holt is a lot like that lady’s dog – assuming said dog is female … if you catch my drift.

He rubs his nose as he arrives at the office. We’ve seen him do this before – a nervous gesture? Uh, oh. The website “The Art of Mentalism,” (whatever that is) has this to say about nose touching:

The reason that people may touch their nose when lying is because when we lie we begin to feel more stressed, particularly if that person is lying to get themselves out of trouble. This causes blood pressure to rise which can cause the nerves in the nose to tingle.

Oh, dear. Do you think Mr. Steele is feeling stressed? Just because he’s impersonating a brilliant detective who doesn’t actually exist? I wonder if he was this twitchy when he was running cons. I believe this is what is known as a “tell,” Mr. Steele. You should perhaps avoid any high-stakes poker games until you resolve this little tic.

Mr. Steele enters the office. It looks like business has improved! But wait a second: what happened to the other tree? And the tree we have left looks a little anemic. And Bernice has a new phone! And there’s different furniture in the lobby! Even the walls and flooring are different. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? No wonder Mr. Steele seems uneasy!

Bernice is correcting something she’s typing. Somehow I don’t think she was hired for her administrative skills.

“Mr. Steele!” she exclaims with surprise.

“Miss Wolfe,” he answers with indifference.

“Miss Foxe,” she corrects, with irritation. Steele doesn’t care.

He heads across the waiting room, pursued by a fawning client.

“Mr. Steele,” the man gushes. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“I’m Liebowicz!” In a hushed tone, he reminds Steele that he’s come about “the Morton matter.”

“Ah, yes,” Steele bluffs. “A very complex situation.”

“But it’s been resolved!” Leibowicz informs him, bewildered.

“Complex … but easily resolved!” Steele says before dashing away to the safety of …

… the file room? Murphy’s office? Laura’s office? Anyway, it’s not his ultimate destination. Pursued by Miss Wolfe Foxe, who threatens to tell Laura he’s hanging around the office if he doesn’t get her name right, Mr. Steele dashes into …

… somewhere else …

… and back again …

… and through yet another door …

(The configuration of this office space is a little confusing!

Artist’s rendering of Remington Steele Agency floorplan.)

… and finally into “his” executive office. He wants to know where Laura is! Bernice says that’s not for publication. Steele ain’t buyin’ it. Bernice doesn’t seem to realize the gravity of the situation!

“She has closed my checking account!” He’s on the brink of financial, not to mention physical, oblivion!

She’ll give Laura the message … maybe.

Steele’s not having any of her lip! He tells Miss Whatever that he’s prepared to handle “each and every one of those cases out there personally!”

Miss Whatever is aghast. “You wouldn’t!”

Oh, I think he would.

Beaten, Bernice confesses that Laura is “at a motel on Pekoe.” I wonder what she’s doing there? Let’s find out!

We find Laura giggly and disrobing …

“This is a first for me!” she tee-hees. Wonder what’s got her so giddy?

The Mustachio’dGuy with Murphy wants to know why they don’t just bust the guy. “We already know he’s behind it!” (This gets kinkier by the second!) Murphy says they’ve got to hear him ask Laura to steal the information from Mustachio’dGuy’s company.

Back in the hotel room, Laura shrugs off her jeans and suggests that she might take the rest of the day off. Since the clock in Steele’s office read 4:00 pm, it doesn’t seem like that big a deal.

NakedGuy demurs. She can’t be shirking her job, because it’s “going to make us a lot of money!”

Murphy seems pleased!

NakedGuy carries Laura to bed

But I digress.

Just when things are looking dire for Laura … rescue is at hand!

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do!” Steele shouts, whipping off his shades for emphasis.

Awkward!

Steele is here to defend Laura’s honor, right? Um …

“You closed my checking account!” he bellows!

“We’ll talk about it later,” Laura replies, calmly.

Wait a minute! NakedGuy recognizes AngryGuy!

“That’s Remington Steele!”

“It’s a set up!”

Side note: This actor, whose name seems to be Stan Sells, gives a rich, nuanced performance here, no? His skills were perhaps honed in classic films like “Her Life as a Man” (1984) and “Bar Girls” (1990). Alas, he passed away in 2004. RIP, Stan.

NakedGuy beats a hasty retreat …

… pursued by Murphy and a lightly clad Laura!

Murph engages the villain in fisticuffs!

But he is outmaneuvered.

Mustachio’dMan wants to know what’s happening!

Laura informed Mustachio’dMan Mr. Dillon that there has been a change in plans. He should just go back to his office and wait to hear from them.

Dillon is at least reassured that Mr. Steele is personally involved!

Laura is disappointed. “Three weeks playing secretary for nothing!” (WHACK!)

Steele points out that if he knew what case he was working on, he wouldn’t find himself in these embarrassing situations.’

“You’re not working on ANY case!” she informs him.

Steele is miffed! This is how she repays him, after all he’s done for her? Cutting off his credit!

Laura reminds him he spent $22,000 in a single month!

“You asked me to keep Nadine occupied!”

Laura ain’t buyin’ it.

“Long-stemmed roses, $200 an ounce perfume, designer gowns!”

“Perhaps I did go a bit overboard,” Steele concedes. “But it’s for the good of the agency.”

Laura suggests that for the good of the agency, from now on they discuss all expenditures in advance.

“Fine!”

But he’s written checks to people who don’t even take checks! They have names like Bruno and Guido –

“… and they do some of their best work in cement.”

It seems he’s “invested” in Danny’s Dessert, “some of the finest horseflesh ever to grace a quarter-mile turn.”

“Spare me!”

The horse came up lame, Bruno et al wanted to divest themselves of it, so Mr. Steele put together a group of investors to purchase the pony to put out to stud.

Aha! The lost has been found. Guess he’s a better detective than you thought, eh, Laura?

Laura will try to convince Dillon that his barging in was “another brilliant Remington Steele tactic.” As for poor Danny’s Dessert …

“Buy him some BenGay!”

Whew! That was a long one. But some interesting stuff here. Steele has clearly been out of the loop for some time, as Laura has been undercover for three weeks and he didn’t know anything about it. And apparently he’s only allowed in the office under close supervision. Despite the apparent friction between them, note that Laura and Steele are curiously touchy-feely in this last segment. Could it be they’re not as antagonistic toward one another as they like to pretend?

And on we go, to the second (or rather, first) episode of Remington Steele! As mentioned before, Tempered Steele was actually the pilot episode. I wonder what changes the show underwent between the time this episode was shot and when “License to Steele,” the set-up episode that ultimately aired first? Let’s see!

Oh, ho! Changes already, and we’re only in the opening credits.

Laura seems to have added another client. Hello, pilot!

And another! Boxer man seems to be averting his eyes from Laura – perhaps because he’s embarrassed for her in that bizarre headband?

So that’s where Amanda King got her sense of style!

But what happened to this guy?

The narration changes a bit, too, now that Mr. Steele has arrived. Laura explains, “It was working like a charm …

“…until he walked in, with his blue eyes …

“… and mysterious past. And before I knew it,

“… he’s assumed Remington Steele’s identity.

“Now I do the work …

“… and he takes the bows.

“It’s a dangerous way to live, but as long as people buy it…

“I can get the job done.

“We never mix business with pleasure.

“Well … almost never.

“I don’t even know his real name!”

And a new title shot for our heroine:

I like it!

But on to the episode proper! The episode opens with the jaunty Remington’s theme music in the background.

We see a restaurant bill presented on a silver tray. It lists “Gourmet Dinner” at a hefty $146.80.

Wow. The gourmet dinners I buy are a lot cheaper than that!

Hm. Whatever his other talents, I don’t think our man could make a living as a forger!

We cut to the title card over a busy hallway.

Tempered Steele … wonder what that means? Perhaps we’ll find out.

We follow a slightly portly postman into the upscale offices of Remington Steele Investigations. The offices seem to be devoid of clients, so Bernice is spritzing the plants!

Bernice delivers the mail to her boss.

Laura is engrossed in high-tech research.

Murphy arrives, bearing take-out (for himself and Bernice only, it seems.) Mr. Michaels is more casually dressed than the secretary. Haven’t you ever heard the adage, “Dress for the job you want,” Murphy? Bernice is having rabbit food; Murphy (who apparently isn’t expecting to be kissed today) has pastrami with horseradish. Their flirtatious snarky banter is interrupted by a howl from Laura!

They rush in to see whatever is the matter! “What is it?” Bernice asks.

“HIM!” (I wonder who she means?)

“Look at these bills!” she exclaims, throwing them dramatically aloft. I get the impression that she’s upset!

“One charter jet to Las Vegas, $2,000.”

“One evening gown by Louis of Beverly Hills, $6,000!”

“He’s bought her enough flowers to open a botanical garden!”

Murphy displays his keen investigative skills. “Who?”

Good guess! But … no.

It’s Nadine! The peroxide piranha!

Seems a bit harsh … but I guess I can see a resemblance.

Murphy points out that it was Steele’s assignment to keep Nadine occupied, and “he seems to be doing an excellent job!” They haven’t seen Nadine in weeks.

But the case has been closed for three days.

Laura suspects they’ll never see their figurehead “unless his credit or his stamina runs out!” Which upsets you more, Laura?

Murphy, concerned, places a comforting hand on Laura’s back as he urges her to calm down. I don’t think that’s going to help, Murph!

Nadine proposes going somewhere they can do some serious nibbling. Mr. Steele calls for the check!

The waiter regrets to inform Mr. Steele that his account has been closed. Awkward! Steele produces a credit card as alternative payment.

The charmer tells Nadine she’s made the evening so very special. (Just wait, Mr. Steele. I have a feeling it’s about to get even more special!)

He is moved to do something he’s never done before: present his companion with the brass nameplate that designates this as his special table, as a forget-him-not!

Nadine, who seems not to have gotten a set of $5,000 teeth from Grant Tinker, is impressed. “Oh, Remington!” I think this might be Mr. Steele’s lucky night. But wait!

The waiter returns to inform Mr. Steele he has orders to confiscate the detective’s credit card.

Mr. Steele seems … disappointed?

Alas! Mr. Steele never carries cash. “It’s so bulky.” Nadine offers to pay, but is taken aback at the tally.

“You’ve upset the lady. If I weren’t so annoyed, I’d be embarrassed,” Steele blusters.

He vows to repay her over breakfast in the morning.

Waiter seems shocked!

Oh, dear. Here comes more trouble.

Maitre’d Claude will have to be taken care of, too.

Uh, oh. The doorman has his hand out, too. I wonder if Nadine is beginning to think her dinner companion is all wet?

I’ll stop there with a few questions for discussion. How long after “License to Steele” do you think this episode occurs? Does Mr. Steele have any attachment to Nadine, or is it all part of the job? Is Laura more upset about the money, or the womanizing?

And so we finally reach the tag of our first episode! It’s been an interesting journey, no?

The final scene opens on a close up of a newspaper. It seems the press were on hand to capture the Steele Agency’s moment of glory!

We hear Bernice’s voice: “Remington Steele and unidentified woman …”

“… that’s you – rescue rare gems.” Laura seems okay with being anonymous (wonder how long that will last)? She expresses sympathy for “poor Mr. Hunter.”

“He wasn’t a thief. Just a man who saw his dream going down in a sea of red ink.” (People are willing to go to extreme lengths to preserve their dreams, eh, Laura?) Laura surmises that Hunter planned to use the gems to finance production of his supercar. They two ladies proceed to the offices of Remington Steele Investigations.

A bit bizarrely, they seem unfazed to find the offices already open and a gentleman waiting for them. Perhaps they assume Murphy has arrived before them.

It seems Mr. Lester Giddons has a 9:00 with Remington Steele. Laura breaks the bad news: Mr. Steele has been called away on urgent business … in San Francisco. But they can use his empty office. She points Giddons in the direction of the executive space. She hangs back a moment to have a quiet word with Bernice:

“If anyone should call …” Laura says.

“He won’t,” Bernice predicts.

Kind of a downer, aren’t you, Miss Foxe?

Laura ushers the new client into “Mr. Steele’s” office. But what’s this? There is apparently someone already in the office! Giddons addresses him as “Mr. Steele”!

What can this mean?!

“I thought you were in San Francisco!” we hear Giddons say as Laura enters the office.

Laura offers a tentative smile. Will she blow his cover and throw him out of her office? Apparently not!

“Now … how can I help you?” asks our Mr. Steele.

And there we have it! The first episode of Remington Steele. Why do you think the Man-Who-Is-Steele decided to forgo chasing the Royal Lavulite to San Francisco? There’s a link to my idea of what happened on the fanfic page of this site. But I’d love to hear YOUR ideas of what’s going on here. Is nowSteele planning to run a con on Laura? Is she already so smitten with him that she trusts he won’t harm her agency? Share your thoughts!

It’s the following morning, and we see the Once-and-Future-Steele leaving the Huntington Sheraton. That jacket he’s wearing doesn’t look like anything Mr. Steele had in his closet; presumably the con man returned to his own, slightly less grand lodgings after the bittersweet parting of the night before. Wonder what he did with his tux?

He’s about to get into a cab, but seems distracted by something.

What could it be?

It’s Laura in the back of the limo. She looks less glamorous than last night … and sad.

Is that a hint of regret I see on the handsome man’s face? Followed quickly by …

… bemusement? Is he perhaps wondering why this hasty departure is so much less satisfying than all the ones before?

He does seem to be having a little trouble letting go!

Laura looks a bit hopeful now. Is she wondering if he’ll stay?

But no. Another half smile in her direction … and he’s away.

Sad times. What might have been? But Laura can’t waste time on regrets and what ifs.

She’s got things to do! Places to go! People to see! And time’s a’wastin’!

But who’s that shouting her name?

It’s Murphy, looking the worse for wear. I guess that room service pizza last night didn’t set well. But no!

“Somebody blindsided me!” he gasps.

Laura is stunned! And then …

UPSET! Guess nobody warned Con Man: Don’t make Laura angry.

You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry!

“He lied to me! That treacherous thief LIED TO ME!”

Laura and Murphy give chase …

… apparently back in time, to LAX, circa 1975! No wonder that limo seems so spacious on the inside:

It’s a TARDIS!

Treacherous Thief arrives in a Rapid Taxi.

He seems to be in a hurry! Uh, oh. That’s not a good sign.

Remember this?

But Laura is hot on his heels!

What a coincidence! There’s Gordon Hunter, being interviewed in the middle of the terminal by reporters who have to lug around some seriously non-portable lights!

“I was very encouraged by last night’s showing-“ he’s saying as Treacherous Thief dashes up to them.

Laura calls for back up: “Stop that man! He’s a thief!”

Moi?

Murphy takes a brief moment to manhandle Treacherous Thief before dashing off after Hunter.

Meanwhile, Laura leaps into action!

She has her man!

Doesn’t she?

“You mean you didn’t steal the gems?”

Treacherous Thief Wrongly Accused is affronted!

“Laura! I gave you my word!”

“But they’re fair game now!”

“Oh, no they’re not!”

Hunter runs through a curiously deserted terminal …

… pursued by Murphy,

… Wrongly Accused and Laura!

Hunter commandeers some hot wheels!

But Murphy (or a stuntman who is a reasonable facsimile of same) is on him!

Oh, dear. Looks like Mr. Michaels is down for the count! (It’s a good thing he happened to be thrown into a stack of barrels containing … Styrofoam peanuts?)

Wrongly Accused arrives, still in OJ Simpson mode!

He grabs the closest available transportation – but Laura is right behind!

We rejoin Laura arriving to see Gordon Hunter at the scene of his triumph (?)

… but it seems the gala is over!

“Welcome to the party,” a morose Hunter tells Laura.

She informs him there may be an attempt to steal the gems – tonight!

Gordon doesn’t seem to care … he’s got bigger problems.

“I completely retooled an abandoned tire factory in Toledo, hired 800 people to turn out a car nobody wants.”

“Dreams aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, Miss Holt.”

She can relate! (It must surely be a measure of how off-kilter the evening has been for Laura that she’s drinking out of this guy’s glass. Ew. But I suppose once you’ve found a body hanging in a closet, one doesn’t worry so much about kooties.)

“Since you seem to have developed a taste for masquerading as Remington Steele, it was a logical place to look.”

Laura brings up his brother, the dead courier.

“Devastating loss,” he says with surprising cheerfulness.

“He was 63 years old,” she informs him.

“My older brother,” he explains, apparently hoping she doesn’t remember that he previously described him as younger. Just when this banter is beginning to get sexy, there’s an interruption.

It’s good ol’ Murph, striking a macho pose. “Laura, just get it over with and turn him in,” Murphy tells his boss.

No need for that, the con man says. He’s ready to confess! (Is it me, or does Laura look a little peeved that Murphy interrupted their tete-a-tete?)

Con man tells the real detective, Miss Holt, that her intuition was right: He is here for the gems. But not for himself! No!

Cut-Rate-Con-Man Selfless Do-gooder only wants to return them to their rightful owner, the South African government!

Laura ain’t buyin’ it. “You’re a thief!” she declares.

Au contraire! “Kessler and Neef (back to Neef? What happened to Neff?) are thieves. I am an artist!”

Murphy ain’t buyin’ it.

“You’re a murderer!” Murphy snarls, giving Selfless Do-gooder a sharp rap on the shoulder with his symbolic rod! He means business, pal! Murphy tells Selfless Do-gooder what he should already know: “The real agent Ben Pearson is hanging from a coat hook in your room!”

Selfless Do-gooder seems genuinely surprised!

“Ah, those filthy …” he mutters.

“Who?” Laura prods.

Selfless Do-gooder is happy to name the real culprits:

“Kessler and his ape, Neef!”

He recites the modus operandi of the killers: Pearson was killed with a knife, a 6-inch blade, incision and thrust upward just below the third vertebrae.

“Helluvan accurate description for an innocent man,” Murphy notes. Selfless Do-gooder explains he’s been chasing these two men halfway across Europe (Huh? I thought they were chasing him!); he knows their methods.

He tells Laura and Murphy that they’ll have to move fast to catch them – they’ll go for the gems tonight.

Side note: I didn’t get the impression that the room where con man was staying before movin’ on up to Steele’s penthouse in the sky was at the Huntington Sheraton. So Murphy is going to have to return to that hotel, bundle up the corpse, sneak it out of the hostelry, tote it to the Huntington Sheraton and smuggle it up to the penthouse. Well, that sounds … erm … plausible.

Selfless Do-gooder departs to do battle with his foes, while Murphy makes a call.

Too many digits for 9-1-1. Is Murph calling out for pizza?

We segue into our con man in the lobby.

He’s also making a call. He wants somebody paged in the lobby. I wonder who?

Well, hello, Rockette! Still looking for Remington Steele, I see.

Selfless Do-gooder Claims-To-Be-Steele presents himself to Rockette, who shows him to the house phone. But wait! Who is that lurking behind that newspaper? It almost looks like Mustache … but it can’t be. No hat!

Good heavens! It IS Mustache … and that fellow next to him must be Switchblade! These two are cunning, all right. They’re almost unrecognizable without their fedoras.

Sound the alarm!

They-Know-He’s-Not-Steele suggests that Mustache and Switchblade accompany him upstairs to Steele’s suite to retrieve the specifications. Apparently that large bundle of drawings he was perusing upstairs were those specs. What kind of a safe is that, anyway?

Must be one of those new-fangled Rube Goldberg models!

Mustache wants to know where the specifications are. They-Know-He’s-Not-Steele points them toward the closet.

“Holy–“ Switchblade’s tool springs erect at the sight of dead Pearson. A Nogoodnik AND a pervert, Switchblade? You bounder!

“We left ‘im in ‘is room!” Switchblade exclaims Cockneyingly. Before he can follow up by asking Professor ‘iggins for lessons on how to “walk and talk and dress like a regular Lie-dee!” the Man-Who-Could-Be-Steele fingers his suspects!

“So you did, gentlemen!”

Here come the coppers!

The Nogoodniks are quickly taken into custody. The-Man-Who-Could-Be-Steele hands over Switchblade’s knife, suggesting the fuzz have it examined in their “la-BORE-a-tory.”

“Wherever the gems travel next.” San Francisco, he believes. But Laura needn’t worry.

He gives her his word: “I won’t try to liberate the gems until they’re safely out of your jurisdiction.”

Laura seems to have forgotten she’s mad at him. “All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.”

I think she’s going to miss him, don’t you?

He also seems regretful. “If the press of other commitments wasn’t so severe, I might relish the role on a permanent basis.”

Swoon!

“After all … I’m a man who enjoys impossible challenges.”

And then …

… he’s gone.

On that melancholy note, I’ll stop. Do you think our con man was genuinely tempted to stay? If so, why? What is Laura feeling as she watches him walk out that door? And will Mustache and Switchblade ever get their hats back? Share your thoughts!

Laura excuses herself from Cut-Rate-Con-Man’s embrace (WHY?) and goes to join an agitated Murphy and Bernice. I think we can assume Bernice is rattled by her unfortunate choice of evening wear (pretty sure she’ll need to see her chiropractor after carrying around that ginormous bow all night). But Murphy is upset about something else:

Bernice (and her ginormous bow) give Laura the skinny on the dead courier: He’s Otto Denmer, born in Johannesburg, age 63 or 64. My! His older brother, Cut-Rate-Con-Man, is remarkably well preserved!

Meanwhile, Well-Preserved-Cut-Rate-Conman is kibitzing with the guests and media.

But wait! What’s up with that guy in the foreground. Who would wear a godawful shirt like that? Only one person I can think of …

Cut-Rate-Bond-Man!

Laura and Murph leave Bernice (and her ginormous bow) to keep an eye on Well-Preserved-Cut-Rate-Con-Man. They dash off to his hotel room (What hotel? How did they know where he was staying?) to check the guy out.

Hey! There’s something fishy about those passports. Murphy has it figured out:

“Each of those names is from a character Humphrey Bogart played in the movies.”

Well, at least they know one thing: He likes Humphrey Bogart. Laura decides to search the room more thoroughly.

Hm. Nothing in the bathroom. How about the closet?

Looks like she found something!

A startled Laura flies into Murphy’s strong, waiting arms! (Don’t get used to it, Murph. I’m pretty sure this is the only time she’ll ever fly into your strong, waiting arms.)

Murphy hurries to call the police, but Laura objects. Murph objects to her objection!

“Laura, the guy’s dangerous!”

But Laura is determined that the agency is going to bring Douglas-Quintain-Michael-O’Leary-Paul-Fabrini-John-Morrell-Richard-Blaine in! It’s the only way they can come out even on this fiasco! Besides …

“He’s made the whole thing very personal!”

She’s sure he won’t leave until he’s had a shot at the gems. Murphy is concerned:

What a gorgeous couple they make, no? Laura wants to know where the imposter is. “I keep asking myself the same question,” STHP remarks.

The party seems to be in full swing! Hunter invites his guests to take their seats:

“We’ve got an awful lot to accomplish,” he says. Namely, the unveiling of “the finest automobile ever engineered by man.”

STHS doesn’t seem impressed!

Before the grand unveiling, Hunter wants to thank the Remington Steele Detective Agency.

“Great endorsement!” Laura tells STHP.

Hunter talks up the agency, praising their “brilliant planning, daring execution and plain old street savvy.” He’s about to introduce the person responsible for the safety of the Royal Lavulite.

Aw, shucks. Laura is embarrassed by all this praise! “I wish he’d stop!” she demurs.

“Wait,” STHP suggests.

“An absolutely astounding human being!” Hunter gushes.

Laura prepares to take her well-earned bow. But wait!

“Remington Steele!” Hunter declares.

As her companion rises to take HIS entirely undeserved bow, he has the grace to feel sheepish, at least: “Years from now, when you talk of this – and you will – be kind.”

“Deborah Kerr to John Kerr, Tea & Sympathy, MGM, 1956.”

Somehow I don’t think Laura is in the mood to play movie trivia!

Hunter greets his idol like a lovestruck fanboy at a Doctor Who convention!

The Man-Who-Would-Be-Steele accepts the adulation like a frightened cast member at a Doctor Who convention! Is Hunter about to kiss him? Stepping to the microphone, TMWWBS graciously singles out “his most able and most valuable associate …”

“… truly the woman behind the man: Miss Laura Holt!”

Laura does a very good job of illustrating the old canard, “If looks could kill …”

She seems to be having trouble finding something to do with her hands. Perhaps if she put them around someone’s neck, she’d be more comfortable!

“And now, you have far more interesting things to look at than me,” TMWWBS declares. Oh, I don’t think so, mister man. It’s hard to imagine anything more engrossing than your own sexy self in a tux. Let’s take a moment to enjoy, shall we?

He denies it; he’s after Kessler and Neff (not Neef?). They killed his younger brother, the courier!

Laura doesn’t know whether to believe him. After all, he’s a treacherous liar! A cheap crook! A cut-rate con man! But he is also smokin’ hot. Perhaps she’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. I would!

Cut-Rate-Con-Man assures Laura that as soon as the Nogoodniks are apprehended, he shall be gone.

“And your secret shall leave with me.”

Sounds perfectly reasonable, don’t you think? But wait! Who’s that making a fuss at the edge of the dance floor?

Why, it’s Murphy and Bernice! Either Murph is moonlighting as a waiter and is signaling seating for two, or something BIG is going on. Judging from Bernice’s expression, I’d say it’s the latter!

I’ll leave it there for now. Whew! That’s an eventful product unveiling, don’t you think? Does Laura really believe he’s a bereaved bro out for revenge? Is the cut-rate-con-man still after the jewels? And what exactly is holding up the top of Laura’s dress? (I’m thinking double-faced carpet tape). Share your thoughts on this importance sequence!

In fact, he’s so engrossed that Laura has to remind him to come along!

Laura takes the lead, striding purposefully into the hotel, with She-Thinks-He’s-Pearson trailing.

She-Thinks-He’s-Pearson hangs back while Laura proceeds to the security office, where the Graybridge guards are waiting.

She gives She-Thinks-He’s-Pearson the A-OK signal. All is going according to plan!

She-Thinks-He’sPearson Gordo-Thinks-He’s-Steele is approached in the lobby by Gordon Hunter. The client is in a good mood! “Everything went off without a hitch!”

Mr. Hunter seems very friendly as he leads “Mr. Steele” toward the elevators. He tells the detective that he was puzzled when all his previous efforts to connect with him were thwarted: “You were always out of town or unavailable,” he says. “I was beginning to think you didn’t exist!”

“Ahahaha,” Gordo-Thinks-He’s-Steele chuckles. He seems a bit disconcerted, though – perhaps because Hunter is still all handsy on him? Well, you are an attractive fellow, Gordo-Thinks-He’s-Steele!

Uh, oh. Now Hunter is talking about fetishes … Mr. Steele’s fetish for secrecy, that is.

“Anonymity is an asset in my profession,” his companion answers. (Word to the wise, sir: if you want to discourage Hunter’s advances, you perhaps shouldn’t stand quite so close. Just how dinky is this elevator?)

Hunter ain’t buying it. “No photographs, no interviews, never involving yourself directly in a case.” He adds that he’s spoken to several other clients of Remington Steele Investigations, and it was the same story: “Plenty of Miss Holt. None of you.”

Gordo-Thinks-He’s-Steele points out that Hunter now has a great deal of him.

“Who knows? When this is over, you may rue the day you ever met me.”

The elevator stops on the top floor without so much as a shudder, and the men proceed down the hall to the penthouse suite.

Our man is fumbling in his pockets again. Perhaps he was more affected by Hunter’s attentions than he let on!

No! It’s just that he seems to have left his key at the desk.

Fortunately, a tiny housekeeper is on hand to save the day.

Hunter says he looks forward to seeing Mr. Steele tonight, at the “formal unveiling of the Hunter JetStar 6000.” We know how excited Hunter is about it, because …

Jazz Hands!

Hunter mentions in passing that the gems will also be on display at the soiree.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Gordo-Thinks-He’s-Steele declares sincerely.

He enters Steele’s palatial suite, where we find no fewer than eight pieces of luggage! Mr. Steele comes well-prepared for an overnight stay, it seems.

He finds a suit laid out on the bed.

It’s new! And expensive! (On the other hand, for such a high-class suite, that’s a cheap looking bedspread.)

A drawerful of dress shirts, still in their packages. Curiouser and curiouser!

Closets crammed with suits, shoes … and more luggage!

In the bathroom, new-looking toiletries. What can it all mean?

He avails himself of the sweet-smelling amenities, then takes a long, hard look at the man in the mirror.

“I’ll be watching you every step of the way!” I have to wonder if Mr. Steele’s discomfort is about his present predicament, or a reaction to Agent Pearson’s very questionable choice of headwear. Is it me, or does that hat look very much like Mustache’s favorite topper?

Who wears it best?

Pearson takes his leave – either to pursue Kessler and Neef, or perhaps to search for the lost Ark of the Covenant.

Laura and Hunter hurry over to Steele. Hunter curtly reminds them they have “less than 20 minutes to get to the airport.” Because if they’re late … what? The plane turns around and goes home again? The gems crumble into dust? Or maybe, if you’re late to the airport, THIS happens when you open that little metal box containing the Lavulite:

Now we know why Agent Pearson brought his hat!

Uh oh. Looks like Laura’s picked up a touch of whatever is turning Mr. Steele’s stomach. Still, they make a cute couple, don’t they?

Laura has something important to tell her companion:

“That man who was with you?”

“Yes?”

“He isn’t Remington Steele!”

She informs the man she thinks is Agent Pearson, whom Hunter thinks is Steele, that the man whom she doesn’t know actually is Agent Pearson isn’t Mr. Steele. He’s an imposter, pretending to be Steele. Got it?

She begs NonAgent NotPearson SuddenlySteele (NANPSS!) not to let on to Hunter that something is amiss.

“You can count on me!” NANPSS declares.

At the limo, NANPSS suggests Laura and Hunter go on ahead to the airport, while he stays behind to “reconnoiter.” Hunter ain’t buyin’ it.

“I want you BOTH at the airport,” he insists, hustling NANPSS into the limo with Laura.

Oops. Looks like that queasy feeling is back!

The limo follows the Graybridge truck away from the hotel toward the airport.

“I told you we shoulda killed ‘im straight away,” Switchblade adds. Mystery Man is disappointed with his pals’ lack of faith in him!

Suddenly and inexplicably, one of the Radio City Music Hall’s famous Rockettes begins parading around the lobby!

“Remington Steele!” she calls. They didn’t have intercom systems in the 1980s?

“Miss?” Mystery Man interjects. He confirms to the Rockette that he is the Mr. Steele she seeks. That’s funny … I wonder why Laura didn’t recognize him?

It looks like NonAgent NotPearson SuddenlySteele has made a new friend. Since he’s a great detective, perhaps he can help her find the bottom half of her uniform! Rockette shows the great detective to a house phone.

“Steele here!”

Gee, Mustache and Switchblade – have a little respect for boundaries. It could be a personal call!

Meanwhile, outside the Huntington Sheraton (so that’s where we are!), a familiar limo pulls up next to some very alert security guards from Graybridge Security Services.

Laura Holt exits the limo in a hurry, pausing only to give a stern wag of the finger to the chatty security guards.

We’re back in the coach’s security office. Someone seems to have left their letterman’s sweater on the desk. I wonder who is waiting for Hunter and SuddenlySteele?

It’s South African Special Agent Ben Pearson, 21 Jump St. Division! I guess the letterman’s sweater is his.

Or maybe Johnny Depp’s!

(Side note: Actor Philip Casnoff, who played Ben Pearson, went on to play the villainous Elkanah Bent in the “North & South” miniseries. He gave James Read’s character a rather hard time of it. Poor Murphy just can’t catch a break!)

Hunter explains that Agent Pearson is here to assist SuddenlySteele in protecting the gems.

“Ah! That’s a piece of good fortune I hadn’t anticipated!” Pearson relates that Mustache and Switchblade’s real names are Kessler and Neef. Is it me, or do those names sound like these two guys should be making chocolate-covered cookies in a workshop inside a tree?

SuddenlySteele says he’s aware of the two men who killed the courier. In fact, they’ve made an indelible impression. Pearson is more concerned about something else:

It seems someone is going around impersonating the South African agent.

“Cheeky blighter!”

Steele notes that, based on the general description of the imposter, it could be almost anyone.

“Would that help you achieve your objectives?” Pearson asks earnestly.

“It would go a long way,” Steele assures him.

I’ll stop there for now. SuddenlySteele has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle here, no? I wonder what would happen if Laura found out he was now impersonating her ideal man. Nah … that could never happen. Could it?