Ripping the piss since 1888

In a surprise move, the 48% of Brits who voted to remain part of the European Union have announced that they will form a new EU on the gigantic face of pop icon, Olly Murs.

A spokesman for the pressure group, Bremoaners Against Brexit, told The Whitechapel Whelk:

“It’s too bad that Theresa May has triggered Article 50 and that we’re quitting the EU, but we’re not going to let it deter us from achieving a united Europe. We have therefore decided to set up a new EU on the massive face of Olly Murs.

“Britain will be situated at the top-left part of his forehead, with Germany in the middle, just to the left of his nose, and Italy and Greece will be on his chin. The other countries will be dotted around on his cheeks and in that bit above his top lip.”

“Once we’ve settled in, we will all trade with one another and have open borders with free movement of people, except for people who voted for Brexit. They’ll have to stay in Britain and get fucked over by the the Conservatives and Jeremy Corbyn”

We spoke to Olly at his home in Essex last night and he seemed delighted at the proposal:

“I voted to remain, so it will be brilliant to have the new EU situated on my enormous dial. The sooner all the foreigners move in and start trading and suchlike, the better in my view.”

This move comes 2 weeks after pop entrepreneur, Simon Cowell, refused to allow the World Free Trade Organisation to move a number of African and South American countries into his enormous trousers.

Advertisements

Share this:

Like this:

LikeLoading...

The Whitechapel Whelk

We are a small, but perfectly formed band of satirists and smudge artists. We neither drink nor smoke. Nor indeed, do we use profanity or indulge in the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get down the pub before closing time for a few pints and half an ounce of Golden Virginia. Hopefully, I'll have enough cash left to visit the local rub 'n' tug shop later for a massage and a rattling good bunk up with a painted floozie.
All The Best.
Danny SoZ.
Editor-in-chief