Day: July 19, 2019

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, “Sir, what is that on your shoulder?” The old farmer said, “That is my pet rooster, Bud. Wherever I go, Bud goes.” “I’m sorry, Sir,” said the ticket girl, “We can’t allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken. “The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Bud could stick his head out and watch the movie. “Marge,” whispered Mildred. “What?” said Marge. “I think the guy next to me is a pervert.” “What makes you think so?” asked Marge. “He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred. “Well, don’t worry about it,” said Marge, “At our age it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.” “Yes,” said Mildred, “But this one’s eating my popcorn!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?””Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why’s the groom wearing black?”

Silly Joke #3

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.”Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old! What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?” The woman said, “Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A married man goes into a confessional and says to his priest, “I had an affair with a woman… almost.” The priest says, “What do you mean, almost? “The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest says, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.” The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, “I saw that, you didn’t put any money in the poor box!” The man replies, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and apparently that’s the same as putting it in.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

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The Twelfth Step

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