Through a deeper connection to my Mother Earth and Father sky, I come into knowing the silenced feminine within myself. Here I share light, love and little musings through my voyage of understanding what it truly means to be a womyn in a masculine world.

Monday, April 12, 2010

I Recommend It:

The air is real sweet tonight. Notes of unidentifiable flora and fauna. That sweet scent that you wish you could capture and wear 'round your neck or adorn your pillowcase with to put you to rest. It's kind of what love smells like... to me. I got back onto the island late after my healing appointment with Ashera so I took Guinness out for a nice walk under Grey skies fading into pink and lilac puddles. We walked by Michael and I's first house, the cottage, and cruised by my favorite field. We were greeted by a sweet, white owl hovering for supper. I can't remember the last time I saw an owl. Tonight was one of those nights where you find yourself smiling inexplicably from ear-to-ear, goosebumps covering you even if the air has hardly enough of a chill and stupefied with the sheer brilliance of your own life and everything surrounding you. Where you can't tell if you may start laughing hysterically, crying hysterically or standing, staring, jaw-dropped in awe with it all. Meeting with Ashera is helping me let out emotions I haven't tapped into for some years. Getting comfortable with the darker corners of my soul (what I like to refer to as the dark goddess). My angry, wounded, resentful, wild, animal, 'hag' side (according to the new, perfectly fitting book I've purchased and will share later), and seeing them as light and not something to shun or disregard because of where my gender has placed me in this society and the expectations we face as wimmin. After all, acknowledgment is the first step to genuine, deep, graceful change.

With my eyes welling from an overwhelming feeling of wanting to burst with joy, anger, release, relief, I belted out at the top of my lungs a huge "THANK YOU!" I've always considered myself more on the shy, soft-spoken (unless inebriated) side. 'Cool', collected, but not really 'out-there' verbally (just in my own mind). However, that is only half of me. I know my other true, deep nature; the side of me I've been dying, clawing, scratching, pushing to release since leaving the sweetness of childhood and embarking on a confusing, suppressed journey into womanhood, is that of a wild, mud-kicking witchin' goddess! I tried it once... a small yell... it felt... ok, different, but not great. I knew I'd have to let go of my old self and all of my inhibitions if I really want to change, so... I roared... deep from my belly and lungs and hell it felt so good! I've always wanted to do that but never have... with fear of being heard... and in turn, being thought of as a crazy, improper female. But, all of that - those thoughts, are useless and untrue to myself and no longer self-serving. I no longer want to fear my wild, seductive, maiden side out of fear of what I may find... out of fear of what may seem 'proper' or fitting, whatever that's supposed to mean anymore. It felt so good to let myself g o . I felt a little silly, pretty proud and really strong. I recommend it: getting It out!

Once I find the words to describe my session today, I'd like to share, because we both agreed that what I'm working through is to benefit all womyn-kind. I'm doing this for all wimmin who have felt insecure in their bodies and their minds; in their wild, mysterious powers that men just cannot understand. I'm doing this for wimmin who feel suppressed, stuck, longing for something that feels missing from our lives. We're all doing this for each other. It's vibrational; it's contagious; it's so light-filled. It's really, really exciting for me; for Us.

6 comments:

Sorry about my terrible typing in the previous post, Taccoa was laying on my stomach - neeedless to say it was a little hard to see what I was typing. I also made it sound like I was very old! I'm 24 now, and Taccoa is a little over 13 months. From 20 - 22, I also become interested with all things natural, including the art of natural childbirth & doula. I am now a certified Birth Doula and love it. The classes were work - but worth it. I decided on a sperm donor to get pregnant because it was something I wanted to do by myself (for the time being), I didn't want the drama possibly associated with a man included. It worked out very well for me since I was able to find a donor of very strong native american background (Seminole indians). My donors GRANDMA (!) actually contacted me hoping she could be a part of the babys life, even though her grandson wasn't a part of hers. (Beyond me how she found out - still chills me to this day). But my whole pregnancy was amazing - I did prenatal yoga, ate all organic, vegetarian food, and was active till the day I was pregnant. And don't get me started on having Taccoa in a waterbath - simply amazing. Also I breastfed him which I strongly reccommend and I also made all his baby food - in a Beaba. I never thought having a child would take me on such a beautiful, kind path but it did. I also had him very young because I know I will never be as fertile as I am now, and want to give his raising all the energy I can manage. I will probably have another in a few years. Sorry for the novella I wrote! Hope you have a wonderful day - You seem like a wonderful gal' hope to talk more !

Hey there, I started reading your live journal a while ago and have followed you here because I love reading about your new adventures! I think you're so fearless to just embark on this new way of living! Also, a while ago, I think on live journal, I saw a picture you had of yourself with the most gorgeous turquoise ring and I have been in search of one forever but no luck! May I ask where you found yours? Can't wait to read more! Thanks for being an inspiration to the rest of us girls!greengirl

Hi Lori! Thank you. I do. I use Burt's Bees tinted moisturizer. Coconut oil before bed is my god-sent, though. It may sound like a nasty, oily idea, but it's great for any blemishes and your skin will love you! I usually spritz on toner before leaving the house, too. Namaste!

Lauren - LOVE YOU! Glad to "be together" again. :)

Greengirl - Wow, hey, thanks!!! That means a lot! It's a wicked, wild journey, but I'm glad to have you ladies along! The belovedddd ring came from a little antique shop on Vashon. Never taken it off. Hopefully never will have to. Glad you're a turq' girl, too!

Dhalia - Wow, your story intrigues me so, so much! Where is your blog and why am I not following you in some shape or form?!?!? Haha. I would love to chat with you more and hear more your guys' story! And just for the record - loved the novella. :) I gotta shake outta here, otherwise I'd write one, too!

About Me

Berkeley is where it all began. From there, the North called and Seattle became home. With a handful worth of years to take along (and a whole new set of skills!), a new homestead of my own beckons -- The City of Roses - Portland, Oregon. Here, I'm unleashing the krapht(wurk). Long live the Route Unknown. Who knows where It will go!