Our boss does not understands us and our sub-ordinates are not willing to work if not monitored on a daily basis. Is this really true?

(You may read an earlier blog post on: People don’t understand me, what should I do from: http://wp.me/pHUHq-a3)

I recently read an interesting article in which Nic Peeling has defined a golden rule for the front line managers . However, I was thinking that this golden rule can also be applied in our personal lives too. In our family set up, in our community set up, in our offices, in our businesses – every where. The golden rule for the managers for the people management is: Read the rest of this entry »

I recently made a speech on the attitude required to resolve any conflict. After my speech, one of my friends came to me asking to share the stories which I quoted during my speech. Here is one of the stories which bring out the attitude which is required for effective conflict resolution:

There was a father who left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons. When the father passed away, his sons opened up the will.

Will of the father stated that the eldest son should get half of 17 camels while the middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third). The youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the 17 camels.

As it is not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, three sons started to fight with each other. How can they divide their father’s inheritance?

Do you have any thoughts about how to divide 17 camels among three sons as prescribed in their father’s will?

We try to clean our rooms and our personal space around us. What about cleanliness of our biggest asset – our mind?

Believe it or not, our mind is working twenty four hours, either consciously or sub-consciously. ‘Self-talk’ is going on whether we are speaking or we are silent. The process of cleaning oneself is termed as ‘Ho’ ponopono’. Do you remember about the doctor who cured his patients without visiting them? (You may wish to visit http://wp.me/pHUHq-9B to read about it). What is Ho’ oponopono? The doctor who cured his patients without visiting them states in the book as follows:

“Ho’oponopono is really very simple. For the ancient Hawaiians, all problems begin as thought.

“SELF DISCIPLINE in ten days – how to go from thinking to doing” by Theodore Bryant is an interesting, small-sized practical guide-book for all of us who wish to try to get ourselves little ‘disciplined’. In 160 pages, the book is divided into four parts: preliminary information, a ten-day self-development program, subconscious belief and five power tools and lastly; putting it altogether.

The Author has mentioned that every one of us has got a side which believes that if we get ourselves ‘disciplined’, we may lose our freedom and we will have to share more responsibilities. One part within all of us is not willing at all to be self-disciplined. However, a person, when develops his or her own discipline guidelines, becomes ones own boss.

Five factors in everyone which generally stop us to achieve the goal of becoming self disciplined include: cynicism, negativism, defeatism, escapism and delayism (Wow! So many ‘isms’!!!!).

To put it short, we don’t want to adopt discipline because there are negative thoughts stopping us to do so. That negative part in each one of us is termed as ‘Hyde’ by the author (the negative character in the novel on Dr. Jekyll and Hyde)

The Cure to the five negative factors:

Accomplishment-oriented, present-tense, concrete self-talk is the first line of defense against negative thoughts which keep a person tied to old ways of thinking. Believe that our attitude has everything to do with our success, regardless of the task at hand. Believe that there is just as much good stuff in the world as there is bad stuff. WE can choose our own attitude. Will our attitude work for us or against us? The choice is ours. Believe it. Believe that life, for the most part, is based on the cause-and effect principle. In our life, our actions are the cause; the results of our actions are the effects.

We need to replace negative self talk with positive self talk as the first step.

SELF TALK

Self-talk is a conversation we have with ourself. Often, this occurs subconsciously. Self-talk always goes on, even when we don’t consciously hear it. WE constantly receive messages from ourselves, they never stop. Every second of our day you make choices based on these messages. Whether we are deciding what to eat, what to wear, or what to do, a process of choice is taking place. The choices that determine our actions are based on self-talk. This inner conversation is comparable to the background music that plays while a person shops in a supermarket. The music plays but people don’t really hear it unless people consciously and purposely focus their attention on it. But even though people aren’t consciously aware of it, this background music has an effect on people’s behavior.

Research has shown time and time again that background music influences our buying patterns. The stores wouldn’t do it if it didn’t increase sales.

And here is an interesting point from the book:

Did you hear about the fellow who returned a shirt to the clothing store and told the salesman, “After I got home, I realized that I don’t like this shirt. I just liked the song that was playing in the store when I bought it.!!!

The author states: “Action-oriented self-talk overrules self-defeating self-talk by being Positive, Specific, and Present Tense. Why? our subconscious mind believes whatever we tell it. It looks to you for reality. If you tell it that, “I am now working on my report,” then your subconscious mind will turn all its attention to your report, no matter what you actually are doing when you say it”.

Those who emerge from tough times are winners who make no excuses. They refuse to be seen as victims.

Consider the following everyday situations in which people allow themselves to be taken hostage.
• While you are in your car on your way to work, another driver cuts you off. Immediately you feel angry and hostile toward the “jerk” in the other vehicle. This feeling can linger, keeping you in a negative frame of mind for a good part of the day.
• Your boss criticizes you, and in response, you defend yourself or even attack her, causing the situation to escalate. The conflict stays in your mind, resulting in a feeling of distrust
between the two of you.
• You are going on a business trip and, because you are leaving, your child cries. You then rush out the door feeling guilty and telling yourself that you are a terrible parent. For the remainder of the trip, you feel down and even depressed.
• You say hello to a colleague as you walk by, but he does not respond. You begin complaining to others about your colleague, your work, and the company. Soon you start thinking,
“Nobody cares about people around here.”

People enraged by another person, a traffic jam, missing luggage, a lost job, a delayed flight, or even the weather—any set of external circumstances beyond their control—are allowing themselves to be taken hostage. Without realizing it, how many of us let an external event control our lives? Have you ever been upset because your holiday was ruined by bad weather? Have you ever been put into a bad mood by someone else’s negative attitude? Have you ever said to someone, “You make me so upset!”

If so, you have allowed yourself to be taken hostage.

The book: “Hostage at the table” identifies ‘hostage’ behaviour and provides some practical solutions.

Many people cover themselves with facts, figures, and details at the expense of the emotions, feelings, and motivations of their coworkers. Even the terms hard facts and the soft stuff used in business imply that data are somehow real and strong while emotions are weak and less important. I have seen examples of overdomineering leaders inflicting untold pain and misery on employees through their need to control both people and situations.

HOW NOT BE BECOME HOSTAGE?

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour (Excerpt from Auguries of Innocence,
William Blake)

A FEWPOINTS TO REMEMBER:

1. A hostage mind-set involves feeling trapped, helpless, powerless, disconnected, and unable to influence and persuade.
2. The brain is hardwired to survive by looking for danger and pain. We can override this instinctual aspect of the brain to look for the positive and for ways to act with personal power.
3. Learned helplessness and lack of control of our mind-set causes people to be powerless. Recovering our power to choose a reaction to the events in our lives is possible for anyone who has become a hostage.
4. Know what you want and maintain a mind-set of “everything is possible.” If you do not get what you want, find the positive in not getting what you want. Either way you win and will never feel like a hostage.

We will see more ideas from this interesting book by George Kohlrieser in coming days. You can listen to one of the interviews of the author at Malaysia from here:

Share this:

Like this:

Welcome to the website – why to visit this website regularly?

Greetings!

This web site comprise of ideas and thoughts from various international management, business, self help best selling books. It is meant for all those who are interested in self-help, self growth and learning. If you are one of those who intend to read good management, business or self help books but have little time, this website is for you.

Also, if you read good books and want to share your thoughts and experiences with others, this web site is for you too......

This website is for every one who intends to learn, grow and contribute!

You can contribute your thoughts and share your ideas by making comments.

This website is updated around twice or thrice a week and hence, you may opt to subscribe when this website is updated. Welcome to the journey of learning!