Movie review: Virginity Hit’ loses its virtue from the start

Dana Barbuto

Friday

Sep 17, 2010 at 12:01 AMSep 17, 2010 at 4:19 PM

Of the two teen-targeted comedies hitting theaters today, “The Virginity Hit” is the one to miss. Shot with a shaky, handheld camera, the 'mockumentary' chronicles a group of horny teenage guys setting out to help their friend get laid.

Of the two teen-targeted comedies hitting theaters today, “The Virginity Hit” is the one to miss. Shot with a shaky, handheld camera, the ‘mockumentary’ chronicles a group of horny teenage guys setting out to help their friend get laid. The “Blair Witch” of schoolboy sex movies, it plays out like an extended YouTube video: grainy, dark and low-budget to its core.

I predict the theater will be filled with 14-year-old boys (the YouTube generation) who buy tickets for another film then stealthily slip into this R-rated smorgasbord of f-bombs and boobs. While these attributes certainly add spice to some of the better comedies in this genre, like “Superbad” or “American Pie,” the vulgarities in “Virginity” are just plain crass and raunchy.

There’s nothing funny about asking a 4-year-old boy if he’s ever seen his mother naked. And, in this case, there’s nothing funny about a good guy whose utter humiliation goes viral. Being caught poking your stick in an apple pie is nothing compared to what happens to Matt (Matt Bennett, who even resembles Jason Biggs) on what is supposed to be the night that he finally cashes in his V-chip.

But that kind of degradation is what passes as humor in “The Virginity Hit.”

Beyond that, co-writers/directors Andrew Gurland and Huck Botko (“The Last Exorcism”) offer nothing but teen sex comedy staples: the awkward but lovable geek, a drunken road trip, a wild frat party, a diarrhea accident, a porn star and so on. There’s also do-overs from other movies, such as guy-on-guy genital grooming, blow-up dolls, shopping for condoms, and so on.

It’s all stuff that was funnier – clever even – the first few times around the block. What’s perplexing is that, if you’re making a film that is desperately trying to be unconventional and edgy, why rely on convention?

Our four heroes, who, in addition to Matt, include Zack (Zack Pearlman), Jacob (Jacob Davich) and Justin (Justin Kline), are high school students living in suburban New Orleans. Every time one of them “loses it,” they smoke out of a special bong earmarked for the occasion.

Although Matt has been dating Nicole (Nicole Weaver) for two years, they’ve never gone all the way. Matt plans a special dinner and books a hotel room in the French Quarter for their special night – until it’s not so special, as Matt finds out Nicole betrayed him. That sets Matt’s demise in motion.

With Zack’s camera documenting every second, the wounded Matt regroups and pursues sex from an older (25-year-old) woman, who solicits him online. Then his life literally blows up. Until his favorite porn star (Sunny Leone) puts it all in perspective, as only a porn star can do.

In the opening frames, Zack says to Matt, “As your friend and filmmaker, I’m going to do to your virginity what Hitchcock did for birds.”

If shock and horror was the intended goal here, then I’d say the movie is successful. However, nestled into all the shaky-cam nonsense and teen-boy banter about farting is a message about waiting for the right time, and making your first time meaningful. Awwwwwww!!!!