Verastichttp://verastic.com
Nigerian storytellerWed, 20 Sep 2017 06:27:37 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.241043326verastichttps://feedburner.google.com10 Hilarious Things That Have Happened Since Yeere Joined Facebookhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/20HD7WCDNfs/10-hilarious-things-happened-since-yeere-joined-facebook.html
http://verastic.com/personal/10-hilarious-things-happened-since-yeere-joined-facebook.html#commentsWed, 20 Sep 2017 06:27:37 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13765If you’re visiting Verastic for the first time and you’re confused about who Yeere is, she’s my mother-in-law who migrated to the United States and started living with us in October 2016. And that is why some of the things she says and does are HILARIOUS! You can see more posts (and videos) of her […]

]]>If you’re visiting Verastic for the first time and you’re confused about who Yeere is, she’s my mother-in-law who migrated to the United States and started living with us in October 2016. And that is why some of the things she says and does are HILARIOUS! You can see more posts (and videos) of her here.

Back to the Facebook matter, Igwe helped Yeere open up a Facebook account a little while ago, and Yeere has literally been blushing at her account. Every time she finds an old relative or friend or neighbor or whatever, we are subjected to a history lesson on how she met this person, when she met this person, and whatever other memory she can conjure up about this person. Exhausting? Understatement. But what kind of writer would I be if I wasn’t saving funny moments to come here and share with you? With that in mind, please read and laugh with me.

10 hilarious things that have happened since Yeere joined Facebook.

1. She Has Lost Sleep: No, seriously, she has. The first few days, the woman was barely sleeping. We could hear her giggling at her phone at odd times of the night and sometimes even speaking to herself.

2. She Has Taken Pain Killers For Facebook: Thanks to not sleeping enough and sitting in one position to scroll through Facebook, she has developed neck pain. She has complained of her head hurting, her neck hurting, and her eyes hurting. So she has taken painkillers for the hurt.

3. She Has Become A Little Narcissistic: Social media has a way of creating monsters. I cannot count how many times she has told me how famous she is on Facebook. And every time she gets a like or a comment, she blushes even wider, tells me that she’s now in America. She has even set goals of how many friends she wants to have by a particular time.

4. Has Attempted To Respond To Every Status On Her Wall: It appears that Igwe did not give Yeere an intense Facebook training because when she first joined, she attempted to respond to EVERY status in her feed. I had to beg her to please not do that. And she asked with confusion, “So what they’re saying does not concern me?” For lack of a better way to explain it, I answered a resounding yes.

5. She Has Been Contacted By All Kinds Of Relatives: The relatives she knows and remembers and the other ones have all reached out. At first, it was fun, but keep reading.

6. She Has Been Sent Account Numbers That She Did Not Solicit For: You know, for some people in Nigeria, living in America means having money that you don’t need and are just dying to give away. So, although she did not ask for it, some people have sent her Facebook messages with their account number and directed her to go ahead and put some money in there.

7. She Has Been Called Too Many Times On Facebook: This is another one that was fun at first until some people decided to call her every day — several times — back to back. And all they wanted to say was, how was your morning, ma?

8. She Has Received Requests For Her Son [Igwe]: In addition to the account numbers, she has also received requests that she has been told to forward to her American son, the one who brought her to America and is desperately looking for someone to send laptops and cell phones to.

9. She Has Been Told ‘I Love You’ Too Many Times: Cute at first because who doesn’t want to be loved. Then annoying because who the fuck are all these people?

10. She Has Been A Sweet Baby: This one is too funny. For this she was insulted, asked him if he was a fool, and could he not see that she was not his mate? I was too tired to explain to her how jobless some Facebook people are. Plus, I was entertained by her rage.

11. [BONUS] She Has Discovered The Unfriend Button: Severely disturbed by everything that happened on Facebook so far, she asked Igwe if there was a way to not connect with certain people. He showed her the way, and she’s been generously tapping on that button.

She still loves Facebook, but she has had to relearn many lessons — that too much of anything is not good, and that all that glitters isn’t gold.

Now, my daddy told me yesterday that he will be entering Facebook soon. I responded with a heartfelt, “Oh, God.” He laughed, said I was funny. Something tells me that I’ll be back to tell you what has happened since my daddy “entered” Facebook. Also, I have managed to discourage my mommy from entering Facebook for years, but if my daddy who is less techy than my mommy enters Facebook, then she, too – not wanting to be outdone – will follow suit. Then maybe I’ll finally leave Facebook. There’s only so much a girl can take.

]]>http://verastic.com/personal/10-hilarious-things-happened-since-yeere-joined-facebook.html/feed1613765http://verastic.com/personal/10-hilarious-things-happened-since-yeere-joined-facebook.htmlLessons From Kevin Hart’s Cheating & Where His Brand Stands Nowhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/73PYUaVrRw0/lessons-kevin-harts-cheating-brand-stands-now.html
http://verastic.com/social/lessons-kevin-harts-cheating-brand-stands-now.html#commentsMon, 18 Sep 2017 05:01:35 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13756Kevin Hart has been in the news since Saturday, but for all the wrong reasons. A while ago, it came out that Kevin Hart was cheating on his wife and he went above and beyond to discredit the allegations. He made it sound like you’d have an easier time eating beef in India than he […]

]]>Kevin Hart has been in the news since Saturday, but for all the wrong reasons. A while ago, it came out that Kevin Hart was cheating on his wife and he went above and beyond to discredit the allegations. He made it sound like you’d have an easier time eating beef in India than he would have cheating on his wife.

The way he vehemently denied this allegation, even the person he cheated with would have probably started wondering if the whole thing was only in her head. He said it was people trying to break him and trying to break his marriage. And we believed him. Because, hey, Kevin Hart. Check out this video below.

I remember when they asked Kevin Hart, would you cheat.. rather than saying, “No, cause I love my girl, he said… pic.twitter.com/mxmPw4kpZs

But on Saturday, he was singing a new song. He said it was an error in his judgment, and that he had decided to confess because someone was trying to use his indiscretion against him and extort him for it. Instead of paying up, he decided to ‘fess up, which I think was the right thing to do, but it would have been better if he had confessed because he was sorry, instead of because he has aka gum (hands of glue). See video below.

So, why is this such a big deal? Well, it’s not really the cheating that matters. After all, he cheated on his first wife with his second wife, and he’s not the first or last man to cheat. But what makes this interesting is (1) Kevin Hart’s brand and (2) How committed he was to discrediting the allegations.

What exactly is the Kevin Hart brand? What do you think of when you hear Kevin Hart? First, you think of humor, of course. But beyond that, you think of a family man, a man who won in spite of the stumbling blocks; a man who overcame so much, and a man who made mistakes in his first marriage, but who learned from it and has finally married his “rib.” And if you’ve watched any of his previous interviews, you see that he says and implies that he’s a disciplined and focused man, a man who’s too busy working hard to do anything he’s not supposed to do. Now I just think he’s full of shit. End of discussion.

All that being said, there is so much to be learned from Kevin Hart – especially if you’re a side chick (or an aspiring side chic) because Kevin Hart met and started dating his current wife when he was still married to his ex-wife. Now, I’m sure that each of us has heard of Ior even know) at least one side chick. Heck, you might be the side chic. I won’t lie and say that I’m not here to judge – because I am – but what matters more is the nuggets that Kevin Hart is sharing.

1. A cheating man is a cheating man, no matter which woman he’s with.

2. What goes around really does come around. If he starts by cheating with you, he’ll eventually come around to cheating on you.

3. No baby, pregnancy, marriage, or vagina can make a wandering man stay.

4. Even if his penis were detachable and you made him leave it on the center table before going out each day, he will still find a way to get it to be where it’s not supposed to be – if that is what he wants.

5. Cheating is a character flaw. No man gets born with a cheating gene, nor does it come preinstalled in the man’s brain and/or penis.

6, A man may call you rib all over social media, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t having salmon somewhere.

7. Most men won’t leave their wives for their side chics, and when they do… please read number 8.

8. The position of “side chick” would have to be filled again.

9. The cane that was used to flog the first wife is always preserved for the second wife.

I don’t feel sorry for Kevin Hart, nor do I feel sorry for his rib, but I am virtually high-fiving his ex-wife because I imagine that she’s been vindicated. It’s not like she needs us to believe that Kevin Hart cheated on her with his current wife, but that she at least knows for sure that she did not make him cheat.

]]>http://verastic.com/social/lessons-kevin-harts-cheating-brand-stands-now.html/feed1413756http://verastic.com/social/lessons-kevin-harts-cheating-brand-stands-now.html10 Questions I Have For Couples Who Share Social Media Accountshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/NY2_2RKN5MM/10-questions-couples-share-social-media-accounts.html
http://verastic.com/social/10-questions-couples-share-social-media-accounts.html#commentsMon, 11 Sep 2017 05:32:10 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13750I have come across too many couples sharing social media accounts, and I am so baffled. It does not bother me at all, but it does confuse me. I keep trying to figure out why two people have to be a couple even on social media? So instead of continuously pondering about it every time […]

]]>I have come across too many couples sharing social media accounts, and I am so baffled. It does not bother me at all, but it does confuse me. I keep trying to figure out why two people have to be a couple even on social media? So instead of continuously pondering about it every time I see another jointly-owned social media account, I figured I could just write about it. And if you are one of the people sharing an account with your significant other, please do enlighten me. I’m curious!

So, here are 10 questions I have for couples who share social media accounts:

1. Why?

2. Did you discuss this with your friends, family, and therapist? And did they give you 738201630 reasons why you shouldn’t?

3. Is it to prove that you trust each other – or maybe that you don’t trust each other?

4. Whose idea was it?

5. Are you doing it to save some internet?

6. Who replies to mentions and messages?

7. How are people supposed to know who they’re socializing with or who’s leaving a comment on their stuff?

]]>http://verastic.com/social/10-questions-couples-share-social-media-accounts.html/feed213750http://verastic.com/social/10-questions-couples-share-social-media-accounts.html10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Blame The Olori Of Ife For The Demise Of Her Marriage [And The Huge Lesson I’ve Learned From It]http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/wjAiP6y2hVI/10-reasons-shouldnt-blame-olori-of-ife-for-marriage.html
http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-shouldnt-blame-olori-of-ife-for-marriage.html#commentsFri, 08 Sep 2017 06:13:08 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13733I have to preface this post by first saying that I am not a fan of the [former] Olori of Ife. And this is all because of that time she came to America to talk nonsense about gender equality. Yes, I’m still mad about that. According to her, gender equality is the number one cause […]

According to her, gender equality is the number one cause of divorce in Nigeria. Honestly, now that her marriage is over, the Petty Betty in me wants to ask her if gender equality was the reason her marriage ended. But I won’t ask – mostly because I cannot even reach her. But Olori, if you are ever in Maryland again, let’s talk! *WINK*

All that being said, her marriage to the Ooni of Ife has unfortunately ended. But as usual, some Nigerians have automatically dashed the blame to her – you know, with her being a woman and all. Or to put it in Nigerian lingo, some Nigerians are already fingering the Olori of Ife. Some might argue that I mean this literally.

Anyway, the fingerers accusers say that the marriage ended because she was previously married three times. I don’t know how true it is, but the story out there in the virtual streets is that she was first married to the former Governor of Jigawa State, Saminu Turaki. And when that marriage crashed, she got married to former Deputy Senate Majority Leader, Abdul Ningi. And when that ended, she got married to a Dubai billionaire, named Eli Khoury and changed her name to Sonia. Allegedly, as of 2015, she was still married to him, and in 2016, she got married to the Ooni of Ife.

Now, if this is all true, the only thing it proves is that the Olori of Ife likes powerful, wealthy men, and clearly, they like her back. If you have a failed marriage or relationship, it is only wise to look within yourself to see how you contributed to the demise of the relationship, so that next time, it will not happen again. If you have had two or three or four marriages end, then you really need to look at yourself to figure out what you are doing wrong.

However, the problem with this particular relationship is that some people have jumped to a conclusion and assumed that she is at fault because she has been married more than once. These people are not considering the fact that the Ooni himself was previously married (or maybe even still legally married) before he married her.

Instead of pointing fingers at the Olori of Ife because she has a vagina between her legs and is not allowed to do what men have been doing and are still doing, here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t blame her (in the form of questions):

1. According to what we were told, the Ooni of Ife married the Olori of Ife because the ifa gods chose her for him. Were the gods not aware that she was previously married? And if it did not matter then, why does it matter now?

2. Did the ifa gods really, really pick this woman? Or did someone pick her?

3. Why is the Ooni’s previous marriage inconsequential here?

4. Did the Olori of Ife walk out of the marriage? Or was she sent out?

5. Why did the Ooni’s first marriage allegedly end?

6. Would it matter if it was the Ooni who had been previously married to three powerful, wealthy women?

7. Why is the Ooni silent?

8. Will the ifa gods pick another wife for him? If so, did they make a mistake in picking this woman for the Ooni?

9. What is next for the Ooni of Ife and the Olori of Ife? Or should I say who is next for them? And by the way, this woman is beautiful. No wonder everyone wants to wife her.

10. And most importantly for me, is she ready to change her mouth about her stand on gender equality being the number one cause of divorce in Nigeria? Because I know for damn sure that that is not what she was fighting for when her marriage ended.

Speaking of fights, I see that she has social causes where she’s traveling around and fighting against cancer and domestic violence and what not, so I suppose that she will not have to be beside herself with nothing to do, now that her marriage to the Ooni is over.

The Incredible Lesson I Have Learned From This Fiasco:

I have seen many, many posts on social media about the Olori’s multiple experiences in the institution of marriage. Many Nigerians have bashed and insulted her, but I have to admit that many Nigerians have also defended and supported her. The support has been unlike that time Chimamanda dared to be a pregnant feminist – because apparently, those two things are mutually exclusive. The lesson here, therefore, is that Nigerians would rather you be a community wife than be a feminist married to one man AND pregnant for that one man.

]]>http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-shouldnt-blame-olori-of-ife-for-marriage.html/feed1413733http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-shouldnt-blame-olori-of-ife-for-marriage.html10 Reasons Why Nigerian Caterers Cook Their Meats Hardhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/QrbiIxW42Dg/10-reasons-nigerian-caterers-cook-meats-hard.html
http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-nigerian-caterers-cook-meats-hard.html#commentsMon, 04 Sep 2017 05:51:10 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13727One of the exciting things about Nigerian parties is the food, but if you are smart, you won’t rely totally on the food because there’s no telling what it’ll taste like. I’ve gone for parties where the food was so good, I wanted to take the whole cooler home. And then there are some that […]

]]>One of the exciting things about Nigerian parties is the food, but if you are smart, you won’t rely totally on the food because there’s no telling what it’ll taste like. I’ve gone for parties where the food was so good, I wanted to take the whole cooler home. And then there are some that just make you have sinful thoughts of how many ways you want to kill the caterer. So, to be safe, I always eat at home. I don’t mean to brag, but my cooking can make you want to marry me – whether you’re a man or a woman.

That said, some Nigerian caterers are doing very bad things! And it’s the ones who can actually cook. It wouldn’t matter if it was those whose food tastes like cardboard because you wouldn’t eat it anyway. But when it’s the good ones, the thing can pain. Specifically, I’m talking about how their meats are always too hard and tough to eat, and as if that isn’t bad enough, they’re sometimes cut too big, so you can’t throw the whole thing in your mouth. I even wrote an encounter about it a while back.

I have thought about the issue long and hard, and I have compiled a list of the 10 reasons why Nigerian caterers make their meats hard. In no particular order, here are the reasons why

1, Soft, friendly-sized meat is for the weak, and Nigerian caterers are trying to make us strong with some tough meat love.

2. Some of the guests are official, confirmed, certified enemies of the caterers, so the caterers are trying to punish them by making it hard for everyone.

3. If people are unable to eat the meat, they will abandon them and the caterers will take them back home (where they will cook them properly and eat them).

4. The host did not pay them the balance, so they made the meats hard to humiliate the host.

5. The host told them to cut money anywhere they could, so they bought horse meat instead.

6. They ran out of gas while cooking the meat, hence the hardness of the meat.

7. The caterers charged the host by the hour instead of by the job, so when the allocated time for cooking the meat expired, the caterers just took the meat off the fire.

8. The caterers read somewhere that if guests don’t lose at least one tooth and stain their clothes at least once, then the caterers haven’t done a satisfactory job.

9. North Korea is threatening war, and although unrelated, all the cows in the world have gone on strike.taken a strike, which has forced the caterers to cook rubber instead of meat.

10. All the caterers are playing a game of who fit choke pass where they’re trying to figure out who can choke the highest number of guests.

Bonus: All the caterers are possessed by an unknown – but powerful – demon.

]]>http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-nigerian-caterers-cook-meats-hard.html/feed813727http://verastic.com/social/10-reasons-nigerian-caterers-cook-meats-hard.htmlLet Me Tell You About When Yeere Thought She Was Being Shothttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/-3r61sDr_0w/let-tell-yeere-thought-shot.html
http://verastic.com/personal/let-tell-yeere-thought-shot.html#commentsWed, 30 Aug 2017 06:09:09 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13719I haven’t written about Yeere in a while, and with the hiatus of Verastic Life videos, you also have not seen her. Well, she’s still with us, and she’s still making us laugh (not on purpose). Today, I want to share with you a story about Yeere that I’ve been itching to share. It’s about […]

]]>I haven’t written about Yeere in a while, and with the hiatus of Verastic Life videos, you also have not seen her. Well, she’s still with us, and she’s still making us laugh (not on purpose). Today, I want to share with you a story about Yeere that I’ve been itching to share. It’s about when she thought she was being shot.

It was a cold, stormy night. Okay, fine, it wasn’t cold or stormy, but it was night for sure. Ada Verastic was asleep on Yeere’s bed. Igwe was in the living room, working on his computer, headphones on jamming to favorite Nigerian songs. The TV was on, but he muted it. I, on the other hand, had said good night and was in bed, but not yet asleep.

The date was July 3rd, so you can guess where this story is going. It was the eve of July 4th, so I (and all of America) was expectant of fireworks. Unfortunately, we told Yeere all about July 4th, but we forgot to tell her what happens on the eve of July 4th.

I was in bed trying to fall asleep when I heard Igwe’s ruckus laughter. He was laughing as if he was being tickled uncontrollably. Curious, I got out of bed and went to the living room to find out what was going on.

Apparently, while the fireworks were going on outside, Yeere thought they were gun shots. Thanks to the crazy people who go on shooting rampages, Yeere seems to think that that is how it just happens everywhere in America. So when she heard the fireworks, she thought that was what was going on. And since she couldn’t hear the TV anymore (because Igwe muted it, remember?), she thought that Igwe and I had heard the gun shots and run inside our bedroom to take cover.

Frightened, she sent Igwe a What’s App message about what was going on. Since Igwe was working on his computer with his headphones on, he did not hear the chime of his phone that indicated the receipt of a new What’s App message.

Afraid, she covered Ada Verastic with several blankets (in the hot summer) and then she lay on the floor, binding and casting the bullets and condemning them to death. She recited Psalm 27 several times because she knew that her enemies were coming for her life. These bullets were not natural. After praying and praying, the bullets subsided (thanks to all her binding and casting), and that was when she came out of her room with much trepidation, only to find Igwe on his computer. She tapped him and told him about the gun shots which she had prayed away, and that was when Igwe nearly fell off his chair from laughter.

I, too, joined in and almost fainted from laughter. Yeere did not find it completely funny that night, but it was funny the next day. I asked her, “But why would I run into my room and abandon my baby if really I thought there was a threat?” Also, “How would the blankets have shielded Ada Verastic from bullets? Abi blanketsare now bullet proof?”

I mean, picture it. You’ve seen Yeere praying before, right? If not, watch the video below of when we were at her house in Nigeria. Prayers start at 10:34 minutes.

]]>http://verastic.com/personal/let-tell-yeere-thought-shot.html/feed413719http://verastic.com/personal/let-tell-yeere-thought-shot.htmlNatural Deodorant Review: Nativehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/WubovxTnDOQ/natural-deodorant-native-review.html
http://verastic.com/fb/natural-deodorant-native-review.html#commentsMon, 28 Aug 2017 06:46:39 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13706Let me preface this post by making it clear that this is NOT a sponsored post. A while ago, I wrote about how I stopped using deodorant for a while and suddenly had even-toned skin under my arms. Well, since then, I have been on a hunt for a natural deodorant. I have been […]

]]>Let me preface this post by making it clear that this is NOT a sponsored post. A while ago, I wrote about how I stopped using deodorant for a while and suddenly had even-toned skin under my arms. Well, since then, I have been on a hunt for a natural deodorant.

I have been using Secret for years, and honestly, I love it. It smells great, it glides on easily, and it doesn’t leave that nasty white residue. And to be clear, I use only the clear gel, never the invisible solid. I have tried invisible solid deodorants from different brands and they are always solid, but never quite invisible (unless I have a misunderstanding of what it means to be invisible).

So I discovered Native deodorant via Pinterest, and I purchased it right there via a Pinterest link. I read about it before I ordered, and according to the website, the deodorant is paraben-free and does not contain aluminum, which stains your clothes. The staining of aluminum is truly a painful part of my life, as I have abandoned too many clothes. Just this past Saturday, I got rid of one of my favorite t-shirts: a white tee that had a cute pocket on the left breast because the armpit area was visibly darker than the rest of the t-shirt. Rest in peace to that tee.

Anyway, so I ordered the deodorant in the Coconut and Vanilla scent, which is promoted as the most popular one. So below, I’ll tell you what I like and don’t like about this deodorant (and whether I’d reorder).

What I Like About Native Natural Deodorant:

1. The ingredients: It’s natural. Obviously.

2. The lack of aluminum: It does not contain aluminum, so my clothes won’t be stained, and I’m hoping my underarms would remain even.

3. The smell: It smells nice. I won’t lie and say that it is as perfumed as the Secret one that I’m used to, but it’ll do (unlike some natural deodorants I’ve sniffed that smell like nothing. Or worse, smell worse than undeodorized armpits).

4. The long-lasting-ness: I don’t perspire a lot, and for me, the Native deodorant has been long-lasting. I sniffed my underarms several hours later, and it was still there.

5. The shipping: Shipping is free. Returns are free too.

What I Don’t Like About Native Natural Deodorant:

1. The price: It’s pricey. It retails for $12. Last time I bought my Secret deodorant, I paid $5 for it, and I was mad at how much it cost, so this $12 thing is bothersome.

2. The application: Although the Native website says it applies easily, I don’t find that to be true. For me, it doesn’t glide on easily, but that might be because I am so used to the gel from Secret. Perhaps, compared to other solids, it glides on easily (but remember I don’t use solids anyway). Whatever the case might be, it does not glide on easily for me.

3. The lack of availability in stores: It’s only available online. I don’t mind ordering online, but I don’t like the fact that I can’t walk into a brick and mortar store to sniff them before purchasing. I’m very big on smell, and I’m not willing to gamble with my $12. Oh, and the sample pack costs $30. No, thanks.

Would I Purchase Native Natural Deodorant Again?

Yes. Because the things I like about it are more important to me than the things I don’t like – although, it would have been nice to try their other scents, like the Rose and Magnolia, the Apricot and White Peach, and the Rose (limited edition). They have three other scents: Lavender and Rose, Coconut and Shea, and Unscented. I don’t care too much for lavender and shea, so I’m not really interested in trying those two, and I am definitely not interested in an unscented deodorant.

If you’re interested in trying out a natural deodorant, check this one out here: Native Deodorant.

]]>http://verastic.com/fb/natural-deodorant-native-review.html/feed213706http://verastic.com/fb/natural-deodorant-native-review.htmlDear Vera, Should I Give In And Sleep With This Married Woman?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/tTOPv7vzZlg/dear-vera-give-sleep-married-woman.html
http://verastic.com/social/dear-vera-give-sleep-married-woman.html#commentsMon, 21 Aug 2017 05:33:55 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13697*Mail has been edited for spelling and grammar* Dear Vera, I’m a long time I’m a long time reader of your blog and we know each other through a mutual friend. And that’s why I have to send this email anonymously. I need objective advice on a crisis I’m dealing with. Please share this with your […]

I’m a long time reader of your blog and we know each other through a mutual friend. And that’s why I have to send this email anonymously. I need objective advice on a crisis I’m dealing with. Please share this with your Sweet Potatoes too.

I’m advanced in age (close to 40) and still single and childless. All of my friends are either married or have children. Honestly, I want to be married, but I have not met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, or God forbid have a child with. You may not agree with me, but Nigerian women are crazy. The ones in America are just mental. Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.

Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.

Sorry for the long story. Now the crisis I’m facing is that a friend of a friend has a wife who wants me badly. They don’t have any children and she says it’s because there is something medically wrong with him. Vera, this woman is dying for me. She wants me bad. I mean bad.

Although I am not friends with her husband, I still don’t feel right sleeping with another man’s wife. I have done this in the past but not with this particular woman. At that time, I was young and I did not care. I was just having fun. This time, I’m actually interested in this woman. She is someone I could have dated. Actually, she reminds me a lot of you or maybe it’s you that reminds me of her.

This woman disturbs me every day, sends me very suggestive text messages and naked pictures. I don’t know who told her that I love women’s thighs especially the ones that are yellow and not thin. I cannot tell you what I dream of doing inside this woman’s thighs. I have never gotten so hard for a common picture. I keep turning her down but I’m getting weaker by the moment.

She knows where I work and it’s only a matter of time before she finds my house, and if she shows up to my house, it is finished. I cannot resist her there. I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do?

I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do? Also, she wants to have my baby. She says she’s ready to leave her husband once I accept her but I don’t know, Vera. I cannot share with any of my friends because they all know her, and in case she becomes my lady or my wife, I don’t want my friends to be looking at her as an asewo [prostitute].

To make matters worse, we go to the same church. I have started avoiding church because when I’m in church, the only thing I can think about is me between her fresh thighs.

Please help your brother out.

Dear Brother,

This one is tough oh! In fact, it’s very messy. I discussed this with Igwe and we have different responses. I’ll start with mine first. As for me, I am completely against sleeping with a married person, especially when they’re still actively married. If she was at least separated or in the process of divorce, I’d still say no, but it won’t be such a hard no.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to be so strongly pursued by a woman who you are actively interested in, and if you were to eventually give in, I suppose the court of public opinion might be favorable to you. Still, I’d say don’t give in. If this woman is so unhappy in her marriage, then ideally, she should walk out and then search for greener pastures.

Her insistence on getting a guarantee from you before leaving a situation she does not want to be in suggests to me that she wants to eat her cake and have it back. It also suggests to me that she does not understand how marriage and commitment work. If she does not want her current husband, she should stop stringing him along, whether or not you agree to be between her yellow, not-thin thighs. Would you really trust a woman who is willing to treat her husband this way? What if you become her husband tomorrow? Who will she be sending naked pictures to then?

My brother, you have to take into consideration the level of disrespect that comes with a married woman (or just a married person in general) sending naked pictures of themselves to another person. Haba!

Igwe’s thoughts: The best thing is to resist, but the next best thing is to go for it. Give the woman what she wants (and what you want), not because it is right or moral, but because until it happens, you both may continue to torture yourselves and continue to wonder what if.

The right thing for everyone to say is that you should resist, but how do they really, really feel, and what would they do if they were in your shoes? A lot of things in life are neither black nor white, and sometimes, we have to make tough decisions in tough situations. For all we know, maybe this woman is supposed to be your wife. On the other hand, maybe this is a test you are supposed to pass (by resisting her).think that if this

One thing I agree with my wife on is the part about this woman possibly not knowing what marriage and commitment are. Marriage is hard work, and it does not become good or great or easier by one person sending naked pictures to someone that isn’t in a marriage. I am not belittling her dissatisfaction in her marriage, but she needs to pick a side and stick to it. Right now, she’s sitting on the fence and holding on to your balls and her husband’s balls, and that is selfish. So, before you decide to sleep with this woman, you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her.

So, before you decide to sleep with this woman (if you decide to sleep with her), you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her. Because one just cannot say what she is or is not capable of doing.

Oya, Sweet Potatoes, talk your own in the comments.

P.S. Read more Dear Vera posts here.

P.P.S. You can send a Dear Vera mail anonymously. Just use the contact form and put in a fake email address. Whether you submit anonymously or not, your identity will never be revealed.

]]>http://verastic.com/social/dear-vera-give-sleep-married-woman.html/feed813697http://verastic.com/social/dear-vera-give-sleep-married-woman.htmlHow Starch Made Me Want To Be An Adulthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/7vKF-NW6gvo/starch-made-want-adult.html
http://verastic.com/fb/starch-made-want-adult.html#commentsWed, 16 Aug 2017 13:47:22 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13654 This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Niagara Spray Starch. All opinions are 100% mine. Oh, childhood, where did you go? I just know that I cannot be the only one who was a child dreaming about adulthood. I had plans for all the things I was going to do […]

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Niagara Spray Starch. All opinions are 100% mine.

Oh, childhood, where did you go?

I just know that I cannot be the only one who was a child dreaming about adulthood. I had plans for all the things I was going to do when I became an adult. Like I was finally going to eat all the candy bars I wanted, and I was finally going to drink energy drinks, instead of just juice. Don’t ask me why my mom was very specific about juice. I think it was something about me apparently not needing all that extra energy. Anyway, another reason I wanted to be an adult was that I would finally be able to iron clothes and use starch to do it!

See, it was a serious issue. I was not allowed to touch the iron because it was hot and was only for adults. Not being able to iron meant that I also was not allowed to touch the starch. My fascination with the starch was the way it seemed to magically transform the most wrinkly clothes into pressed perfection. It was simply amazing.

My dad was hardly a suit and tie guy, but I vividly remember when he would iron his pants and they would be so straight, and he would iron and fold the arms of his shirt perfectly, and by the time he was done, they looked like he had just taken them out of the box brand new. And when he wore his pants, you could see that straight line that ran down the middle in the front and the back. I don’t know if people still do that to their clothes, but in the nineties, it was definitely the thing to do.

Now, fast forward to me finally being an adult. I can actually eat all the bounty candy bars I like, and I can actually drink all the Lucozade Boost I want, but common sense won’t let me be great. Also, adulthood is overrated. No one told me that adulting meant having all these responsibilities. The silver lining, however, is that I can finally iron with starch!

Here’s the thing: I’m not actually crazy about ironing. In fact, it’s not a chore I’d pick. But ironing with starch is still fascinating! Luckily for me, however, Igwe is an ironer. And a vacuumer. I ignorantly thought that using starch was a Nigerian thing until I was in the laundry aisle in a store here in Maryland and I saw the Niagara Spray Starch. Mind blown. I did a mental wall slide because I could not believe I just saw starch. I especially love using starch on traditional outfits. It literally rebirths every clothing you use it on. Clothes look new and shiny and … did I mention new?

Here I am ironing one of my favorite dresses to put on Ada Verastic. It’s a simple dress, and I just love how it fits on her. But it’s one of those dresses that after being laundered must be ironed. You can see how rumpled it was before I started ironing with the Niagara starch. Most times, I use the original Niagara Spray Starch, but there are other options as pictured above.

Look how clean and new it looks. So, I may not be an ironer, but I am the wife of an ironer, and that has to count for something. Or perhaps there’s a name for the non-ironer-but-proud-starcher. Do you use starch to iron?

]]>http://verastic.com/fb/starch-made-want-adult.html/feed213654http://verastic.com/fb/starch-made-want-adult.htmlApparently, Americans Don’t Know Where Cashew Nuts Come Fromhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/verastic/~3/6DeWtj62f9o/apparently-americans-dont-know-cashew-nuts-come.html
http://verastic.com/personal/apparently-americans-dont-know-cashew-nuts-come.html#commentsMon, 14 Aug 2017 06:18:03 +0000http://verastic.com/?p=13689Seventeen years in America and I am still learning. I suppose it makes sense, considering that I am Nigerian, and I am still learning about my own country. Still, it’s fascinating. So, the other day, I discovered something about my dear Americans. We won’t call it scientific research, but I think it counts for something. […]

]]>Seventeen years in America and I am still learning. I suppose it makes sense, considering that I am Nigerian, and I am still learning about my own country. Still, it’s fascinating. So, the other day, I discovered something about my dear Americans. We won’t call it scientific research, but I think it counts for something.

I love cashew nuts – thanks to my dad who always treats it like gold. So the other day, I had a bag of cashew nuts that I shared with Karyn, my American friend. Somehow we got talking about cashew nuts and where they come from, and that was when I found out that Karyn did not know where cashew nuts came from. She was beside herself when she googled a picture of a cashew fruit. It was as if I had just told her that beef comes from a chicken (and that chicken is really fish).

Before we had this conversation, she had just previously never thought about cashew nuts and their origin. You go to the store and you see cashew nuts in a bag or in a canister and you purchase it, and you never stop to wonder where it came from. She and I were equally stunned. She was stunned at the origin of the nuts, and I was stunned that she did not know the origin of the nuts.

So, out of curiosity, I asked more Americans – four more, to be precise — and not one person knew where the cashew nuts came from. Everyone was astonished when they saw the cashew tree and fruit, and I had to answer questions like, “So this thing at the bottom is the cashew nut?” and “How do you cook it?” and “What do you do with the fruit?”

It was a moment of enlightenment for everyone. Speaking of my American friends, some of them – specifically Karyn and Gail – have decided that I am not American enough and they need to Americanize me a bit. They came to this conclusion when they found out that I had never eaten mac and cheese and never been to Cracker Barrel which is apparently a very American thing to do. Oh, and I have never been to Waffle House either, and I have never had the waffle and chicken combination (not necessarily from Waffle House). So yes, I need to become more American.

I’m looking forward to becoming more American, but until then, I plan on making my American friends …. should we say less American? For my next project, I should ask if people know what yams are or how they grow. Or maybe I should discuss what plantain is or isn’t. FYI: Plantains are not bananas.

But back to the cashew nuts issue, it honestly took me years before I started to wonder why every fruit was available in America all year round. In Nigeria, for example, you won’t find corn when it isn’t corn season. In America, on the other hand, every food seems to be available all year round. There are times of the year when certain foods and fruits become more expensive, but they are never completely unavailable.