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Monday, December 9, 2013

Holiday Movie Drinking Game: The Santa Clause

I'm not ashamed to admit that The Santa Clause kept me believing in Santa for about a year and a half longer than I rightfully should have. There was too much believability to it, minus the painfully obvious fact that Bernard the Elf was Jewish (wrong holiday, bro). In my letters to Santa, I begged him to wake me up so we could chill out in his sleigh, talk about life, and see what he could do about making the My Size Barbie a few inches shorter (it was speculated that I might be half midget throughout the better part of elementary school and she was too tall for me). Memories!

What better way to relive the happier parts of the holiday season of yore than to pour yourself a rum and eggnog (light on the eggnog) and realize that there was some severe sexual tension going on between Scott Calvin and Judy the Elf.

Charlie pouts and whines and is just fucking annoying in general - Drink!

Side note: We could stop the game here and you would be sufficiently wasted after about 10 minutes.

Someone refers to the idea that "seeing is believing" - Drink!

"Claus" and "Clause" are used as homophones, leading some of us to still use them interchangeably/incorrectly to this day - Drink 3!

Bernard kvetches - Drink 2!

Scott asks, "What if I fall off the roof?" - Drink 2!

A sexual innuendo is made - Drink! I see you, Disney.

A drug/alcohol reference is made - Drink! I see you, Disney.

Scott makes fun of Neil for being a douchebag - Drink!

A reference to "Home Improvement" and/or Tim the Toolman Taylor is made - Drink 2!

A kid in the real world has elf ears - Drink!

Comet the Reindeer is sassy - Drink!

Charlie's mom exasperatedly says, "Scott!" but you can tell she's still into it - Drink 2!

E.L.F.S. Leader drops a badass one-liner - Drink 2!

You want to remove the memory that they made two sequels after this, neither of which will ever live up to the original masterpiece - CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!

But Daaaddd, I need to complain about everything to distract from my unfortunate bowl cut!

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