Thursday, March 19, 2009

Neverending Story (of Sickness)

Limelet was sick again this week, with similar symptoms to his previous ear infections, i.e.: a few vomit episodes apparently out of the blue, sort of feverish, fussy, cranky, loss of appetite, wants everything he can't have, exhausted but can't sleep (meaning Limelet and I both got 2-3 hours sleep a few nights in a row--well, he actually got a few more hours than that, but I was facilitating it). The sleep deprivation would have been difficult but tolerable if I wasn't working [outside the home] because I'd take a nap with him. But going out to work on that amount of sleep is awful. It's still amazing to me how functional I am with almost no sleep for nights on end. Highly unpleasant, but amazing. Nevertheless, it still meant that I got almost nothing done at work those days because I simply couldn't, which means that all the work I've been waiting to do over spring break when students are gone--hasn't gotten done. Also took a day off to take Limelet to doctor, so my five long-awaited work days have just evaporated.

Good news: no ear infection this time, just some viral illness! So that means it will only last a few days, most likely--it's probably almost over already.

I am still angry at myself for how cranky I get at him after just a few nights of sleeplessness. Well, not when he's just sitting there being normal, but when he's being unhappy and miserable because he's sick and exhausted and miserable, too. I just lose my patience entirely when he goes to pieces over something trivial. I've even had the (resisted) impulse to spank him when he's screaming, despite knowing that it won't actually help anything at all (even if I thought it was okay to do so). I wish that didn't come up for me, but there it is. I had to leave the room once and ask TheLimey to go in and watch him for a minute as I was becoming unreasonably angry. (Thank goodness I have a partner so I can do that.) Of course, then I feel horribly guilty because Limelet is crying his guts out in the other room and feeling abandoned on top of whatever misery he was already experiencing. Then when he goes to sleep he continues with little sobs while he's sleeping. Terrible!

I am so sick of this whole constant, constant, constant sickness thing. It darn well better end after a year as everyone says. I can't imagine how people cope who have a child with a serious chronic illness, as opposed to Limelet's (and our) constant minor-to-moderate illnesses. I imagine they have to marshal more resources, or it just wouldn't work.