Thursday, January 29, 2009

...oh and can we stop celebrating a woman giving birth to 8 kids in a horrible depression!!! My family has been outspoken against multiple births for many years...and I don't feel like typing all the arguments we have had with the television over many years. But its fucking despicable, and don't tell me god did it, cause god didn't make those fertility drugs, you stubborn bitch but medical science did, and you know what else medical science will do that god won't, keep your 1 LB 4 oz baby alive....Fuck all these people making more people, want a kid, ADOPT you fucking selfish CUNT, not everybody deserves a baby...maybe this god didn't want you to have one, but then you just smack him in the face and shove zygotes in your cunt until you pump out deformed kids! I hate how these people are celebrated, they are the worst! how about put me on the news, I'm not selfishly depleting our natural resources by filling our landfills with 1000's of diapers and other shit just so I can be a parent!! I can't wait till we live in a crazy country where they are forced to control the amount of children we are allowed to have

I just typed in that title, cause it came to me (pun) on the way back from work today....nothing post about, except I'm a crazy drone who can't wait for the weekend so I cannot go to work and kill as many brain cells as possible, and then shuffle back into work on Monday and overhear the mindless remarks these people have been spurting for the past twenty years...."not long enough"..."really flew by"....I wish I had some balls and told everybody the truth when they asked me what I did this weeken, instead of just saying "nothing."

But I guess since I work in a prison, I would get fired or bashed...gay bashed that is, after the first few sentences.

I just hate mindless small talk and I always have...so I hardly start conversations at work, because for me the worst part of work are the people... I don't get along with most people...and it's not them it's me...It's hard for me to hold a normal conversation, especially with people double my age and who share NO interests with me. I just half-laugh at everything they saw and agree and then try to talk and I say some bullshit, watered down lie of a story that has the smallest thing to do with their story and then I try to tell a joke and they say "WHAT?" and then I say nothing and leave their room and pretend to work for the next 5 hours.

What sucks is for most people, the other people at work is what gets them through the day...so they are always starting up with "How's your day?", "What did you do last night?", "Sure is cold out there." "how about that traffic" "This economy...." " How 'bout that Sean Cody", "Smoke and good weed this weekend?" "Did you finish any bottles alone this weekend while cursing Saturday Night Live for stealing jokes from you, you only thought of and didn't have the gumption to write down?" ...oh wait....

I don't mean to think that I am above all these people and "they just don't get me", but it's like going to work everyday with your parents, but they don't know you, so they have nothing to say to you.......so yeah, your parents....but on the other side, it's cool working with older people, cause nobody is trying to be hip or out do the other person...or coming to work in American Apparel (like when I worked at MTV) and talking about Animal Collective, or fleet foxes.....I save those conversations for myself in my car while I'm listening to them.

but I honestly do like it cause I get to be the outsider, and since I don't bore people with stories of my kids or my thoughts on America Idol, or my myriad medical procedures, or how my son is back from Iraq or god knows what?! I get to stay in my head all day, and that is really my dream job; nothing challenging, a lot of free time, and the occasional felon talking my ear off about awesome criminal things. I like the inmates a thousand times better than my coworkers!....

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

This is an actual Bruce Springsteen song, apparently most of the reviews for the album are good, but people are saying this is the worst song he has possibly ever written.....maybe it's the best.....I just love the blue collar working class....This is sort of a response to Kyle's post, only cause he mentioned Mr. Springsteen!

For even better comedy view the Youtube comments for this song......for Example:

"For me he is the genius of our time..."

"Fucking Awesome.Great Video, amazing song"

"Not an f. An A plus. A song about an ordinary person seeing extraordinary in another woman. Many would feel lucky for that admiration"

"The Stingray at 3:15 is B!tchin'!! :)"

I do like Bruce Springsteen, I understand why people like him, but maybe do some self editing and cut a track or two...and come on, this is GOLDEN ADVICE from a nobody, how could it not be good?

Monday, January 26, 2009

I have been in love/obsessed with Little Shop of Horrors since I was a child. I watched the VHS so many times it unspooled, that and Ghostbusters, and then when I got a new one I had an argument with my Mother and she threw it a me and it broke AGAIN. The Argument stemmed from me wanting to watch Little Shop of Horrors and my mom wanting me to be straight....well actually she just wanted to watch Titanic and I didn't...Well maybe that makes me straighter than my Mom. SO TAKE THAT MOM, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!

ANYWAY, the point it I was aware of the original ending my entire life basically and tried to buy the original DVD release that had the original ending as a special feature, but because of legal shit they took it off the market (or something). And it has always been a goal of mine to see the ending, but because of my own stupidity I never thought of looking on you tube, and its not like I forgot that I wanted to see it, cause I continue to check on eBay for the dvd, but it's hundreds of dollars so I never bought it.

The point of this is that I never think about how I can use the internet to serve me. I always just find myself sitting in front of my new $3000 MacBook Pro knowing that there are useful/entertaining websites for me to take advantage of and I never do, and I hate it!

I never put things together, I never take my already established interests and search for some internet compliment to them, or anything like that !

Same with my computer alone, I know that I will never use this cutting edge computer to it's full potential. Only if mac stores had some sort of tutoring program, but nothing like that will ever exist. In closing, I'm a lazy idiot who even though is part of the internet generation and shit I still never utilize! I'm already becoming and old out of touch man!

So Enjoy the original ending of Little Shop of Horrors, you can tell it's not finished, obviously the black and white, and the sound, but it's ridiculous how much money probably went in to this ending. It's like a 5 minute action sequence with hundreds of extras and buildings exploding and people felt kind of put off by it, so they scrapped it and made it even more campy than possible by cutting out the emotional drive home when you see all the main characters die! Shame on you Frank Oz. and I will always love Ellen Greene....Oh also the statue of Liberty is thoroughly molested. That could have been the 9/11 of the 50's if any of those fictional things came true!

Now back to this documentary I'm watching called "The Land Before Time V"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

So the other night after dinner while everybody in my house cleaned up and I stood in the outskirts of the kitchen doing or saying something repetitive, just to be annoying...I'm literally twelve. Fuck you I cooked dinner!...Any way we get on the subject of feeling that you are better than people, and my sister in her famous low self esteem way says that she never thinks that, and she always thinks that people are better than her. And I believe her to a point cause I actually do believe most people are better than me and I have maybe three redeeming qualities that give me some sort of boost of confidence, but since I have stopped getting approval in the form of grades from a second rate university in South Jersey, I have less of that now.

So my sister goes off on this tangent and then I go into all these times where she has joked about other people and called them "trash" and uses phrases like "how could they do that?" and "who could live like that?" and then she admitted that she does feel she has better qualities than most people. And then I went into a rant about how you have to do that so you have some sort of positive feeling about you as you slump around this world, and my sister had to focus less on those qualities, because she didn't have to grow up constantly telling herself she had something that other people didn't have, cause she didn't get called a fat faggot every time she walked on the bus by self segregating black people who paraded around the back of the bus.

and it was the worst when they would be a freshman and you were a junior and you still tried to pretend you didn't hear it or you try to make some joke, but since you have done this every year of school you are running out of material...and although I always wanted to, I could never say...."I could be skinny one day, but you'll always be black" and I would never say that, obviously, cause it's crazy racist...but what the fuck they called me worse shit...now I am not playing the victim here...it's just something I grew up with and I can laugh at it and I did even when it was happening to me...cause I guess I was smart enough to not let it affect me, but even if you say the word "mom" to a black person they take it incredibly personal, which is laughable.

ANYWAY...point of the story, is the day after we have this conversation after dinner, I go into work, and mostly everybody who is there likes me and thinks I'm...

...whatever I don't know what the fuck they think of me...I'm an overweight 23 year old fag white guy who works in a computer room in a maximum security prison ...I don't know what they expect, accept the guy who I replaced left cause he went to IRAQ. So I guess him and the inmtes just talked about manly stuff like pussy and fighting and all the pussy he fucked with his military cock...OH I'M SO HARD...

and it's funny cause all these guys want to live vicariously through you asking you what you did in the past weekend and what you do for fun...and they always want to hear about girls so they can cum in their cellmates face while they recount some story of a whore...Well they don't get any of that from me so they must feel cheated

Anyway cut to me reading cinema studies books from collegeat my desk, while they grasp double clicking, and a Mister Simmons and Mister Clarke ask me to help them, and by asking I mean yelling "Yo this shit is broke!" So I go over and help them and they start ragging on my shoes, my sweater....How beat my shoes are and asking me what kind they are and I don't have time to try to joke back with them so I give the sheepish answer of Doc Martins and they make fun of my sweater which is Tommy Hilfiger...and they have more to say claiming that it is not authentic cause the little flag is small and thats the way they have been making them for the regular population for years....sorry you've been wearing the same state issued khaki elastic jumpsuit for 15 years. Then they get into asking me about where I live and I tell them I live with my parents, now I try to be honest with these guys, and then they start joking about how am I supposed to get any honey's at my Mom's place (cause they have never lived with nor known their fathers) and I don't pretend to be this ladykiller and by that I mean straight....and I say I don't really have ladies come over and then they start ragging on me again, until they get tired and go back to their third grade math problems.....

But seriously, I have been putting up with this shit since high school, well actually it stopped in college, cause people were educated and I didn't hang out with those types of people...and now it starts again, well it actually started in my last job which was with 1st and 4h graders and they would also get on me about living with my parents and not having a girlfriend... Which says a lot about these conceived ideas of what people should be, and a black 4th graders idea of success is the same as a incarcerated 35 black mans...I'm sure bling and timbs are involved in both...

again I don't want sympathy, I'm writing this in hopes you will get a laugh...most likely at my expense, and I don't care cause I think it's funny also.

These inmates and fourth graders from the onset never treated me with respect like all the other people I work with and I understand I don't exhume respect...jesus I went to work today and I haven't showered in bush was president ..seriously!...

But I have never been in a position of feeling like the authority figure and I don't think I ever will and it's laughable that the only real jobs I have had only require that! I don't want to sound like I never feel like A MAN, whatever that is, but I have never felt like I had any authority and maybe cause I'm a down to Earth person and know that I don't really have authority so I don't go around pretending I do, by yelling and feeling self important....or maybe it's a crippling self esteem issue, that the majority of my family has and I can never shake it, whatever it is, why can't I work in a factory from the hours of 8pm-6am stocking shelves and not have to talk to anybody at the work place!.....and don't bother telling me that there is no punctuation and most things are spelled wrong, cause I never read over what I write, cause then I realize how much it sucks...there's more of that Porrovecchio confidence...

...and I don't really want respect or authority I'd love to be the fuck up youngest child my whole life dancing in the kitchen while everybody else did the work. Hey that sounds like a poetic metaphor...well look at me ...

Geez I really try not to make them what they always turn out to be....seriously, the majority of my job is doing nothing and most of the guys like talking to me and think I'm intelligent...but these two new motherfuckers where straight out of the back of the bus and that really brought me back....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I'm happier than the next guys about president Obama, but give it a break with how proud everybody is and how this is the only nation in the world a story like his could come true. Really?...ehh...maybe?

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for black people and they see it as this big racial achievement and yea I understand it as that, but obviously I don't have a connection with him or the idea of him as much as black people, and I get it and I don't really care that much.I'm not going to pretend to love him as much as they do, but I really do.

But now we have these terrible asshole white guys trying to take credit for Obama, by sitting in the back of a staff meeting yelling "You know he's half white?"....ehh...white people are terrible. LET Black people have their time, lets have them make some mistakes and then still blame white people...like they have been doing for so long.

And the news keeps showing these interviews with people asking black people," how does it make you feel that on this mall 300 years ago you were being sold as slaves, and now look where we are?"

300 Years!!! We are proud of this?!?

Well I don't know if they say it like we should be proud of this, but we should have had a black president in the fucking '50s, but we have been an idiot backwards nation for so long!

I don't really know what my point is, I'm really proud and everything (obviously, not as much as some people are claiming, but I am truly happier and more hopeful than most).

Obama as president has been a dream literally since 2004, and I am not jumping on a bandwagon, but I do remember reading the back of "Audacity of Hope" at Jamie Callahan's house and the idea of him being president came up...

BUT fucking Bush is getting off the hook way to easily because everybody is so tired of hating him and we just want to like our president we are basically pardoning him, because we don't want to look at his fucking face anymore....oh and he also pardoned himself of war crimes...so that works too.

And as my good friend Kyle said is their anything more symbolic than seeing DICK in a wheelchair.....

I can only pray that he is CRAZY liberal and changes a lot of things....first off, child pornography laws.....

These are rushed and ill-conceived opinions....I had no goal, but to use my blog more

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I just read Kyle's very well written blog and it made me jealous. His seem thought out and written by an educated man, you know one who understands grammar, basic spelling rules and fractions. Seriously, I always catch myself singing The Jackson 5's "ABC" to remember simple arithmetic ( A Rat In The House Might Eat The Ice Cream....only reason I know how to spell that word) and the "I" before "E" rule and when I want to know ALL ABOUT LONDON. My point is I'm just not smart, like I know useless shit and I could hold a conversation cause I watch TV and that feeds me information that I can repeat, but other than that I know very little things that an adult (5th grader) should know like simple math and other shit. That "other shit" is a real killer! And even if I know something I still second guess myself like three times because and look like a bigger idiot.

It's really depressing when a sixty four year old illiterate who has been in prison since a decade that had a corresponding adjective asks you something about photosynthesis or fractions or adding negative numbers and you stumble around the answer until they figure it out and then you play it like that was a teaching technique.

Similar to kyle who sits home and reflects and picks himself apart in his pajamas all day, I wake up at 6:20AM to go sit at a desk in a prison in Rahway to literally do the same. My job is so boring and uneventful I sit at my desk with a notebook meant for the inmates and write self hating entries into a makeshift journal! But as much as I can get down on myself, I don't magnify my faults as much as I used to...only on the drive to work, my drive back from work....during work....on the weekend when I'm recovering from a hangover, or when I'm drinking ....or right before I go to sleep and sometimes when I wake up ...But mostly when I eat...especially when I can't stop stuffing myself with institutional food during my unpaid half hour lunch break.

Anyway getting down on yourself is fun although not as fun as going down on yourself, but sometimes it's a good a motivator...a motivator to do WHAT? Also it's easier, and what am I going to do think about how great I am, like the people in my work who don't shut the fuck up cause they think everything they say is so important and worth saying. I Don't care about how you don't drive in the ice and how walking in the wind is hard, or about your stupid diabetes schedule or how many famrs used to be in Somerset county or all the same three stories those idiots repeat on a drop of a dime!! I dread going to work when there is any type of inclement weather cause I know I'm going to hear some annoying fucking story I've hear three times before. I hope when I get old I stay somewhat the same and remember all the annoying things I hated when I was younger and DON'T DO IT!

....anyway my grandfather is dying and although he's been useless and a total waste of diapers and walkers since 2005, it will be interesting to shake things up in my family, ahhhh but there is the pretending to be sad that is the worst !!! So I got to go to a funeral and look down a lot and shit....OH FUCK AND A CHURCH!!!.....