Wednesday, July 06, 2011

And on the tenth day, theCSO said:

"You look tired. You haven't been sleeping very well. If you're cussed enough to stick this one out I get it and I'll support you, but I think you've proved your point and I think this is starting to impact your performance on bar stuff. Ten days is plenty."

You know how a nuclear power plant has those control rods, and when they drop, the plant shuts down?

Those were the control rods.

He's right. I'm tired. I did the best I could and I stuck it out for almost ten days. But I've eaten a buck and a half's worth of food today, and that isn't enough to study for the bar on.

I do have thoughts, and lessons, and other debriefing stuff. I'll write it later. Suffice to say, were I not studying for the bar, I could do this. If I started over knowing some of the stuff I know now, I could do this. I'm sure if I were a better cook or had more time, I could do this.

But right at this moment, I can't do this.

Sorry, guys.

Suffice to say, I am sure there are people who can do this, who are used to eating ethically on a small budget. But it is a lot to ask.

CC

Ps. I didn't tell theCSO that the moment he said "I notice this is affecting you in a way that could impact bar stuff" I was quitting but that was always the plan.

I wasn't going to say because the planned experiment wasn't to go on long enough for it to harm you, but several of those days your calorie count dropped under what the Geneva Convention requires for prisoners of war.

I've been looking at the Ethical Eating SOC and noticed it says little about the Ethical Obligations we have towards our own bodies and health. You might be able to tease that point out of it, but it's not the real concern as far as I can tell of the document.

That's a big omission to my mind. Considering any UU Church with a modest youth program is bound to have a kid with an eating disorder, that's a troubling omission.

I've been enjoying the journey with you, but it's certainly not worth messing up your bar. I will be interested in reading your best practices and lessons learned summation. I admire you for taking on this experiment.

In all fairness to us, I don't think anybody, teenager or otherwise, saying "the general assembly of my church passed a resolution saying that people should be healthily, so I better call this anorexia thing off" is/was ever going to happen. So I don't see what good adding that would have been.

My understanding is that anorexia is a mental illness. Churches going "Hey, you with the mental illness, stop it" has pretty much never worked.

Joel,

I tried to look up the Geneva Convention guidelines and got distracted by a cocktail recipe for a drink called "the Geneva Convention" (which sounds overly sweet but is probably delicious) and never found it. Suffice to say, sparkpeople.com thinks someoene my age/size should eat between 1,800 and 2,200 calories a day. I was below that for several days but I wasn't way below it and goodness knows I have reserves...

Anorexia is a mental illness... believe me it is, and a very destructive one.

It's struck members of my family and my Church.

It's a widespread especially among young women.

I was shocked to find out how widespread after I first had it hit my family.

Anyone taking it upon themselves to talk about the ethics of eating in front of people struggling with this disorder best beware. They can set off many triggers. I've watched it happen.

I warned the people working on the SOC that they needed advice from Mental Health professionals and nutritionists before tackling a proposal like this but was blown off by them. Respect for oneself and nutrition a big part of treatment.

"If [fill in the blank], I could do this" is a really clear way to point out how much privilege undergirds eating well on a budget. So many conditions have to be set to near-optimum in order to be able to do this.

When I did a similar project, I calculated that I spent 15additional hours per week on shopping, planning, prep, cooking, and dishwashing for a $50/week reduction in my food budget, compared to my previous thoughtless whatever-I-feel-like, whatever's-easiest approach. I ate well--enough calories and vitamins, decent variety, dishes that I looked forward to and then enjoyed eating. But somehow saving $3.33/hour didn't feel like the best use of my time.

I think you've made some great points here, CC, both by doing it and by stopping doing it. Yes, it's doable, but it took a toll on your life right now, too, and you needed to stop. Brava for giving yourself permission to quit, and for trying it.