Monday, September 12, 2011

Need to Write the Journey

Been a month nearly since Peaceful Bird wrote anything here in the land of Words Paint. That's too long.

I've been writing lots of words... my first book submission on Sept. 1 was about 16,000 of them, plus 118 images, about the same number of 3D objects, an art log and a contact sheet for all the images. These words are fun to write and challenging in a good way. But they are words about beads, words that come from the mind mostly... a little from the heart and soul, I guess, but mostly the intellect... orderly, sane, comprehensive, in the style required by the publisher.

These are not the words of a food addict, someone who overeats and binges. That part of me goes underground while I'm writing the book. In our OA meeting last Saturday, I suggested the topic of "Relapse." Although I'm not yet eating any of my binge foods, remaining totally abstinent on them, I feel dangerously close to the edge of that old binge insanity. I have been overeating and snacking... gaining at least a few pounds by the feel of my jeans and loosing self esteem with every extra bite. I said that at the OA meeting.

A few of the members who've been around the block for many years had some good wisdom to offer. One talked about the OA tools available to us and named them. When I heard the word "write" I knew instantly that Words Paint could help me step away from the edge. So here I am, writing my little heart out. My plan is to write as often as possible, but not to participate in the blog world right now, not until my second and third (final) submissions are finished. But, write I must.

Another tool for me has been gratitude. When I feel gratitude, it takes over my being, warms me, takes away the desire to feed myself with foods. So part two of my new plan is to list my gratitude at the end of each post.

That's all for now. I'm making a commitment to writing and gratitude....

6 comments:

I didn't believe that I'd get beans from a second seed sowing. But they are coming! The warmth from this "Indian Summer" has brought them on even though there were no guarantees. Sometimes, we just have to TRY.

Congratulations on making the first book submission and good luck with the second and third submissions.

Congratulation on 348 days of abstinence from your trigger foods.

Rather selfishly, I am pleased that you have chosen writing as one of your recovery tools. I enjoy reading your words, enjoy the pictures you paint. My heart jumps when Words Paint or Beadlust show up bold in my Google Reader :-)

Good to hear from you again! Let the words you write take you away from the edge one little syllable at a time. You are a strong woman to have made it without your binge-foods so far! I am very proud of you.

About Me

I am a compulsive overeater, a "food" addict. I am as hard-core as any down-and-out drug addict, only my substance is legal, I have the money to get it, and I can still pass as normal. For more than 60 years, I have taken big hits of sugar/fat to blot out sorrows, to stuff down my fears, angers and pain... also to celebrate any and every little thing you can imagine... until I feel almost nothing at all, until I'm stupefied and numb. In March of 2010, I razed the bottom. I went to my first Overseaters Anonymous (OA) meeting and have begun a journey of recovery. This blog is my journal of healing.