OMAHA, NE – Three days of spirited church services, dubbed "Impact
2004" and held the first weekend of April, were intended as a revival
for the congregation of Bethlehem Holy Temple and the Omaha community,
but attendees seemed anything but revived after the final service ended
Sunday night.

"Whew, I need a nap," exclaimed long time BHT member and
part time church secretary Josephine Maxwell. "Climbin' up
on pews and wavin' around heavy flags tires a body out!"

Maxwell was not the only worn out worshipper following BHT's revival.
Others limped out of the sanctuary with slumped shoulders and lowered
heads.

"It's natural for people to come away from such intense worship
with a little weariness in their bones," said Bishop Lance Cerrato,
the featured guest speaker for the revival services. "That doesn't
mean that their spirits were not revived, and that will really come through
in a couple of weeks when everybody's off the Bengay."

"Impact 2004" started with a Friday night prayer service,
followed by a Saturday night healing service and a Sunday night worship
service. Each lasted in excess of two hours. That's simply too long,
according to BHT member Julio Tutor.

"I ended up missing two full days of work because of this revival,"
Tutor said. "I could barely get out of bed on Monday morning, I
was so beat. It had an impact alright – an impact on my lower back."

The "impact" of the revival services was especially apparent
when Cerrato told those in attendance on Sunday night to "get up
if you've been revived by the Lord this weekend," and only
about one third of the congregation was able to stand up under their own
power.

"I understand the need for revival services. I really do,"
Tutor said. "But I think we need to take a look at the physical
toll they're having on people in the church and maybe space them
out to about every five years or so. By that time I might be done seeing
my chiropractor."

Despite the complaints, BHT Senior Pastor Stanley Thornton says he plans
to have another round of revival services within the next six months.

"In a couple of weeks, nobody in this church is gonna remember
any little aches and pains," an animated Thornton told THO. "But
they are gonna need some revivin', and this church is going to give
it to them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a massage appointment
to get to."