01 November 2005

Ken Lammers: InvisoLawyer [Warning: Some Foul Language]

I'm sitting in my office this morning putting the finishing touches on a petition for appeal. I look up and my office clock says 9:20. OMG! I jump up, run to the car, and [scrupulously obey the traffic laws] in order to get to the courthouse as quickly as I can. I get to the courthouse, grab my files and head straight to the Circuit Court for a show cause - where I arrive exactly on time because I had forgotten to change the time at my office. I talk to my client. I talk to the people who've come to support my client. I put on the show cause. Client's a 19 year old kid who is trying hard to turn his life around; however, he's not the brightest bulb in the box and he's pretty rough spoken. At one point he's talking about what he did on probation and actually says "and I passed every one of my piss tests." Everybody in the courtroom just stopped except Client, who did not realize he had just cursed in front of the wrong judge. Oblivious, he got about 4 more words out before she stopped him and told him he could not use that kind of language in her courtroom. Client stops. You can see that he's struggling mightily to think of something else he can say. Finally, it comes out, "I passed every one of those things" and we move on. In the end the judge gives Client the time he has served. I go back in the back and explain it to Client. Then I explain it to the people there for him.

Finally, I go back downstairs and a prosecutor meets me in the hall: "Judge Smith is looking for you about the Jones case." The District Court docket had finished before I got back from Circuit Court. They had the deputies call around on the radio to see where I was but the deputies in the Circuit Court didn't tell anybody I was in their courtroom. These were deputies who knew me and, as far as I know, don't have any grudges against me. By the time I get back to chambers the clerk has already explained to the judge where I was and he's pretty good about it; all he does is tell me to make sure his clerk knows if I have to go to another court before his.

After all that's over, I go catch lunch in the courthouse cafeteria and go to the law library to check my email.

At 1:00 I tell the clerk in the District Court that I have a case in Circuit Court and head back up there. When I walk into the Circuit Court the prosecutor fusses at me for blowing her off. Clueless, I ask what she's talking about and she tells me she called me on my cell phone this morning to see how we are going to handle this case. I tell her that I haven't been out of the courthouse since I arrived (cell phones banned) so I haven't checked my cell yet. Then I think for a second. I point out to the prosecutor that she was in the same Circuit Court courtroom I was in this morning (though not for my case); she should have known I was in the building. She tells me she never saw me. Anyway, we continue my client's case so she can try to come up with restitution.

Then I run downstairs. Client is to have a preliminary hearing for felon in possession of a firearm. Other cases are already in progress and I take my client out to the interview room outside the courtroom to discuss what is going on. The door is closed but I never leave the area of the courtroom. In fact, the rear-door deputy even looks in the room because he's looking for another attorney. When I finish talking to Client, we stand up to go into the courtroom. At that moment Client's girlfriend sticks her head in the door and tells us the judge has taken a recess. When I walk the whole 5 feet from the interview room into the courtroom I find out that the reason they took the recess is because they couldn't find me and my client. AArrrgggg!!!

Somehow I turned into the invisible man today. Hopefully, it's just a one day thing.

Disclaimer

In case anyone out there needs this warning: This ain't legal advice. Everything in the blog is off the cuff and no one goes back and reads all the cases and statutes before blogging. The law may have changed; cases misread and misunderstood two years ago can still lead to a clinging misperception. Courts in your county, city, or State probably don't operate as described herein. Feel free to be inspired, but YOU MUST ALWAYS DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH OR HIRE A COMPETENT ATTORNEY TO DO SO because I haven't.