The Anatomy of the Roach

Homeowners nationwide feel that roaches are a threat to their family's health.

Roaches live in a wide range of environments around the world. Pest species of Roaches adapt readily to a variety of environments, but prefer warm conditions such as found within buildings.

In popular culture, Roaches are often regarded as vile and extremely resilient pests.

In 1987, Los Angeles rapper Bobby Jimmy released the song "Roaches" as a parody of Timex Social Club's hit song "Rumors". Its chorus line was Look at all these roaches / Around me everyday / Need somethin' strong / To make 'em go away.

I am sure you are wondering where this is going. Don't worry I will break it down for you. I am not speaking of the insect, rather the vermin that passes itself off as human but is nothing more than a roach. We all know roaches, we may not call them that yet, but that is exactly what they are. I plan on giving you some information today that will help you spot the roaches in your life.

There are two different types of roaches Male and Female let's explore the characteristics of both.

Male Roaches: Looks like a man, walks on two legs, may even speak in complete sentences. But make no mistake that is no man that is a roach!

Now, how to spot them. Look for these traits.

I. No Job (Hustling is NOT a JOB.)

II. Various Baby Mama's (Roaches like to reproduce as much as possible, and they provide no parental upbringing or support for their young.)

III. Lazy (They tend to sit around the house all the time, complaining about how they can't do better because someone/anyone has it out for them.)

IV. Excessive Drug Abuse and/or Alcoholism (I mean we all like to get a buzz on one way or another, but a roach has and continues to do it all. And worse yet, they do it all the time.)

V. Lack of Commitment (They cannot commit because roaches are by nature scavengers. To commit means to provide, and they refuse to be tied down.)

VI. No Education (Roaches believe that all they need to survive is street smarts. Enlightening themselves uses up valuable time they could be getting high, playing video games, talking shit about what could have/should have been, or making more offspring.)

VII. Self Deluded (Roaches have the belief that although they have done nothing of value in life that they deserve the finer things.)

The Male Roach is a lot easier to spot; he tends to inhabit the nest of a willing female rather than making a nest of his own. He makes sure to appease the female with trinkets and bobbles, confusing her caring instinct and turning it to his advantage. These roaches come in three primary colors here in the US; some are White, Brown, and Light Brown.

Female Roaches: Much like their male counterparts they walk on two legs, and may speak in complete sentences. But once again, make no mistake these are not Ladies they are Roaches!

I. No Job (They have no marketable skills other than laying on their backs or getting dirty knee's, The Stripper pole is NOT a Occupation!)

II. Various Baby Daddy's (Much like the males they tend to reproduce without discretion. Unlike the males they may not even have a clue as to who fathered their offspring.)

III. Lazy (Once again, much like their male counterparts. Only the excuse is that they have to raise the offspring, and having a career only gets in the way. "My babies need me at home for now" Keeping in mind that for now means as long as they can live off of a host or public assistance.)

IV. Excessive Drug Abuse and/or Alcoholism (I mean we all like to get a buzz on one way or another, but a roach has and continues to do it all. And worse yet, they do it all the time. And worse still for the females, they train the offspring in the roach ways. )

V. Revolving Commitment (In place of quality they take quantity. The reasoning is simple, No Man will commit to a roach, and if he does sooner or later he figures out she is a roach and rids his home of the pest.)

VI. Lack of Education ( Much like their male counter parts they are under the belief that they can survive only by street smarts, unlike the males they have the added delusion that if street smarts fail they can fuck their way to riches.)

VII. Self Deluded (Once again like their male counterparts, they have done nothing of value in life. Yet, they believe that they are deserving of the finer things life has to offer.)

The Female roach is a lot harder to spot. They tend to blend in well with the real ladies around them, and in some instances can virtually pass for a Lady. They tend to make nests because they have offspring to raise, and it is not as easy to scavenge off Men. The primary weapon they use to confuse Real Men is sexual favors. These female roaches also come in three distinct colors in the US. White, Brown, and Light Brown.

Co-Habitation of Male and Female Roaches

Sometimes the male roach will cohabitate with the female roach. One of the easiest ways to spot this co-habitation is by the facts that no one works. They are home morning, noon, and night. Unless on a hustle of some sort. They tend to try to over compensate for the lack of real motivation with expensive material possessions. (As stated previously, they are under the belief that they deserve the finer things in life.) In addition to that you will also find that they are 99% of the time renters. Roaches have no credit or VERY bad credit. They also have the far away notion that someday their ship will come in and they will have a MTV style "Crib." When in reality even if they do somehow manage to collect a windfall they will dispose of it in a roach like manner and in the end have nothing of real value to show for it.

Know Thy Enemy

Keep your eyes on these roaches; they like to infest clean households. They will pose as friends to gain entrance to your home and family. They will do their best to convert Real Ladies, and Real Men into roaches. Or at the very least, infest and destroy that homes harmony. Females will try to give advice on relationships and what to tolerate to Ladies that may if unchecked lead to the downfall of the infected Lady. These female roaches almost always try to make a play for the Man when the Woman is confused. The Males will try to either single out the Real Man and convert him to the roach way of thinking, or go after his Woman hoping for a new nest.

In Case you think I don't know who you are:

Some of you reading this today know of roaches, some of you are the roaches. I say if the antennae fit wear it. For you Real Men, and Real Ladies out there, if you see a roach trying to infest your life STOMP on it. I will, and that is a promise!