Monday, January 28, 2013

Shopping, throwing up on a highway, and sexy pictures.

Well bitches, it's Monday again and we all just love Mondays, don't we? Mmm hmm. This weekend I decided I needed a day away from my family and so I drove to Bloomington to hang out with my friend Amy. I had been looking forward to it all week especially because it's like FREEDOM.

I also may or may not have listened to Hip Hop Nation on Sirius like the awkward white person I am.

So it was a good day of lunch, catching up, and shopping. Here is something I absolutely should do- write down how much I have in my checking and not rely on my memory. Because you know what happens? You think you have one amount in there, but have no idea that your husband entered some receipts of his own thus leaving you with not as much as you thought. Which is not good because when you start doing the math and realize that, with one week until payday, you have $28.36 to your name?

Let's just say it's a dark day in the household.

But the eventful stuff happened after I left the Mall of America on my way home. Let's just put out there that the only thing I had eaten the entire day was my cheeseburger and fries at lunch time, which was around noon. By 5:30 I was feeling like I was getting a headache, I felt tired, I felt a little dizzy and lethargic. Should I have gotten a soda and something to eat before I left the mall? Yes. Did I think I could make it at least until Hinckley? Yes. Should I absolutely know better by now? Yes.

Oh but you all know me better than that.

I decided that I was actually a lot more tired than I thought and I had planned to stop in North Branch to look for a dress for Olivia so I figured.. surely if I walk around I'll be fine. Oh but no. No, that did not happen. I did walk around a little bit and get what I needed but I knew as soon as I got back on the highway things were bad.

Things were real bad.

I tried really hard to pull it together. It was about 18 degrees and I'm driving with my windows down to get the woozy feeling to go away, I'm chewing on rock hard gum I found in my arm rest and swallowing saliva because I know that this? This right here is a sign that shit is about to get real and quick.

All I know is that somewhere after North Branch but not quite to Hinckley I had to pull over. And I did. I also puked for a good 10 minutes. Puked like I have never puked before. I don't know if you're familiar with the taste of puked up hamburger in your mouth, but it's horrible.

The winning thing in all of this is that A) clean snow actually works to wash your face off and B) hoarding napkins has finally served a purpose.

So once I decided that things were going to be OK, I got back in and got myself to Hinckley. I had to get gas, but I also stopped at Hardees to get a soda and a totally plain chicken sandwich. I know I should have gotten crackers, but everything at the gas station was really iffy looking and the only thing without an expiration date of January were Pringles.

And Pringles will not do.

Surprisingly, the chicken sandwich did wonders and I made it home around 8:30. But as soon as I got home? Changed my clothes, brushed my teeth vigorously, and went to bed. I woke up with my neck kinked, my jaw in excruciating pain, a headache, and feeling like my face was going to explode. So at this point, I don't know if I have the flu, something else, or what. I do the think the jaw pain is related to the rock hard gum, though.

So that was my weekend.

I'm also trying to get the nerve to just fucking book a boudoir photo session. I've been wanting to do it for years and while the first one was legit out of my hands, the other two times I've chickened out. But this time... ugh. I found a photographer I really like and they do your makeup, your hair, and retouching. I'm nervous that they keep using the word "investment" without giving you prices. So I've emailed... I'm nervous.

8 comments:

The man and the checkbook. Ugh.Even if I look at my checkbook, it doesn't help because my husband doesn't write things down or give me receipts. It's a nightmare. So, I'm always paranoid about getting NSF charges and than he hastes it when I get upset over that. It's just money.

Once upon a time I left bread dough in a slightly open container. It worked well for several weeks I could make fresh bread in the morning with very little work.

Now imagine you have a large container of plain Yogurt. You eat that as a snack before bedtime. Well into the early morning your sick..your sure its the a flu bug. You suffer till morning living off of Pepsi Cola. As the hours pass by the discharges become forceful. by the evening you call for an ambulance and are off to a hospital. The local doctors decide you need to go to a bigger hospital. They are concerned about dehydration, some severe internal damage. By the next morning..you decide your going to live. By 2:00 PM you discharge yourself and took a taxi home. First action home I emptied the refrigerator. Never leave active yeast near your other food..just sayin.

On the way home from MN to WI for Christmas I wasn't feeling well the entire way home. I had a weird stomach ache and chalked it off to cramps. I had Sprite and Pepto about halfway home. That maybe helped, but I couldn't tell.

About ten minutes from my parent's house I got really, really tired. I decided it'd be best to pull over since it was dark and traffic was busy. I started pulling off the highway, and I got super dizzy. I couldn't pull over or anything because there were piles of snow and a car in front and behind me. I got up to a stop light, right by a gas station. Out of no where I started puking. All over myself and my car.

Later my dad asked me why I didn't just pull over. I told him, I would have if I could have. You think I wanted to throw up everywhere? Ha. And the weird thing was...I was totally fine after. Although I did sleep 12 hours that night.

Regarding the title of this post...Shopping always intrigues me. The throwing up? Not so much so I figured I would take a pass. But then the word sexy drew me right back in. I get to the end and WTF! No sexy pictures? You'd better get those pics done and you'd better post them. i mean it!!!!!!!

Well, upside to puking is you didn't keep those calories of the burger in (yeah, I know that's an eating disorder). And I give you so much props for even considering a boudoir shoot. Because there is no way my lardy body would ever attempt it. Pretty sure the photographer would be like mooing at me the whole time or some shit...

I've so been that person in the car. I remember riding with the windows down trying to rid myself of the "oh my god I'm dying" feeling. It did not work. I could barely even force myself to eat a cracker. Then I threw up forever and ever until the end of time.

I like to read, yall.

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