You Asked: Should I Have Taken the High Road?

This weekend I was at a party where a friend of a friend turned up. I’ve never liked him because, well, he’s loud and boorish yet I always try to be polite to him. This time, though, he decided to tell a “hilarious” story that was incredibly racist. I tried to change the subject as soon as I knew where it was going, but he could not be stopped. The party had people from all kinds of backgrounds and races, and he was visibly making people uncomfortable. Finally, I said, “You know, I don’t think this story is funny at all. I find it offensive, actually.” He then turned it around and made a big deal about how I’m allegedly too sensitive. How would you have handled this kind of situation? — I Spoke Up Susi

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Dear I Spoke Up Susi,

I have to say, I don't think I would have done much differently! I don't stand for people making racist remarks and it sounds like you feel the same way, so if you ask me, I think you did the right thing! So what if this guy thinks you're sensitive — I'd rather be viewed as too sensitive than a bigot any day. If you still feel like you took the low road, I guess you could have pulled him aside before it got so heated that you blew up in front of others, but the way he was carrying on, it doesn't sound like you had the chance, or you could have walked away, but Susi, shoulda, woulda, coulda! Your emotions got the best of you and I would hope that most everyone at that party shared your views anyway.

You did the right thing.By speaking up, you probably lifted something thick out of the air at that party. I hope you also spoke to your friend who seems to like having this person around. Not to attack them, maybe they don't realize that they are being insensitive to so many other people. Or maybe they're just a real jerk.

You did the right thing.
By speaking up, you probably lifted something thick out of the air at that party.
I hope you also spoke to your friend who seems to like having this person around. Not to attack them, maybe they don't realize that they are being insensitive to so many other people. Or maybe they're just a real jerk.

You had the courage to say what I'm guessing most of the people wanted to say to the jerk - so good for you, and don't give it a second thought. I'm not surprised that he played the 'sensitive' card, either.

Yeah, and it isn't just "political correctness." Not being racist does not make me politically correct, it makes me a decent person. You don't get brownie points for not being an asshole, it should just be expected! (You do get brownie points for speaking up though! :)) Political correctness="womyn" instead of "women." (I'm a total feminist, so I get to poke fun!) Haha, or referring to dark-skinned Jamaican citizens as "African-American." I had a professor who insisted on calling all black people "African-Americans" regardless of whether or not they were African, American, or either.

Yeah, and it isn't just "political correctness." Not being racist does not make me politically correct, it makes me a decent person. You don't get brownie points for not being an asshole, it should just be expected! (You do get brownie points for speaking up though! :))
Political correctness="womyn" instead of "women." (I'm a total feminist, so I get to poke fun!) Haha, or referring to dark-skinned Jamaican citizens as "African-American." I had a professor who insisted on calling all black people "African-Americans" regardless of whether or not they were African, American, or either.

You did take the high road! Jaxon was completely right-you needed to speak up to show your disapproval. I am sure a lot of other people were thinking the same thing you were, and didn't have the courage to say anything. We care way too much about not causing any problems when we're in the company of friends, but racist jokes are just NOT acceptable.

Personally I would not have spoken up in the way this girl did... I mean it was the politically correct thing to do but a lot of people will probably think wow this girl is a little too uptight or wow she is really up on her pedestal isn't she. If I were her I would have let him make a fool of himself; his story speaks for itself! Most of the guests probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to him afterwards anyway. I might have thrown in a "WOW.. okay...." afterwards that would show that you didn't agree with it and that he was being a dickhead.

I agree with you speaking up.Personally, I don't think I would have, due to my personality. I may have given him a hard look, and rolled my eyes. And then I may have proceeded to walk away to the other end of the room, as far away from him as possible. When it comes to a rude situation, I'm more about action than speech. LOL

I agree with you speaking up.
Personally, I don't think I would have, due to my personality. I may have given him a hard look, and rolled my eyes. And then I may have proceeded to walk away to the other end of the room, as far away from him as possible. When it comes to a rude situation, I'm more about action than speech. LOL

I applaud you! You made the right move!As much as he may have made a big deal out of you speaking up, it was good that someone actually did. I'm sure that everyone at that party, including your mutual friend, agreed with you and they were happy to see this guy get what he deserved!

I applaud you! You made the right move!
As much as he may have made a big deal out of you speaking up, it was good that someone actually did. I'm sure that everyone at that party, including your mutual friend, agreed with you and they were happy to see this guy get what he deserved!

Wonderful job! You had every right to stand up for what you believed in. And you believed that him and his story was racist. You believed he was making other people, just like you, very uncomfortable. I'm glad that you were brave enough to speak up. And I'm sure your friends of all races appreciated you too that night. Again, great job!

Wonderful job! You had every right to stand up for what you believed in. And you believed that him and his story was racist. You believed he was making other people, just like you, very uncomfortable.
I'm glad that you were brave enough to speak up. And I'm sure your friends of all races appreciated you too that night. Again, great job!