Pendennis

It started as an art world row, but it has now become political. A sculpture by artist Terence Koh depicting Jesus with an erection, which was condemned by visitors to the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art in Gateshead when it went on show there in January as tasteless and insulting, is causing a Conservative party rift. It is part of Gone, Yet Still, featuring 74 different plaster models of people or objects important to Koh.

The exhibition has closed, but the statue remains in the collection of Anita Zabludowicz, who owns a gallery in north London and it's liable to reappear at any time. The Conservative Christian Fellowship tells me: 'We have an excellent history in this country of freedom of expression and thought. But we also have a Christian heritage which deserves some respect. A work like this needs to be treated with contempt. The artist was clearly just trying to shock and the people who should answer for it are the people who allowed it to happen. They should be treated with contempt.'

Zabludowicz is, however, one of the very last people the Conservative party should treat with contempt, since her husband, Poju, the 24th richest man in the country, has donated £70,000 to Dave Cameron's merry men.

To make matters worse, campaign group Christian Voice, responsible for the continuing attempts to prosecute Jerry Springer: The Opera for blasphemy, is preparing a private prosecution to have the statue outlawed. Stephen Green, national director of CV, tells me: 'I will be writing to Conservative MPs'. But it isn't just Christian groups agitated by the statue. A Jewish lawyer, Jonathan Goldberg QC, felt moved to write to the Jewish Chronicle: 'It is unpardonable to show such disrespect and cause such gratuitous offence.'

It's true. Camilla just loves a couple of old gits

Prince Charles's love of The Goon Show is well known to royal watchers. But what of Camilla's taste in comedy? The Duchess of Cornwall, I can report, is a fan of Harry Enfield. The comedian says he once shared a bike ride with novelist Jilly Cooper, a friend of Camilla, who told him that 'Cam' loves the sketch he did in which she features. After some consideration, Enfield worked out that he's only ever included her in one broadcast episode, which involved him and Paul Whitehouse as the 'two old gits', lying in bed and making use of an old picture of Camilla, torn from a magazine, for sexual excitement. 'After a while, my old git demanded a turn with it from Paul's old git,' he recalls. Prince Charles bestowed an honorary knighthood on the Goon Spike Milligan, surprising those who had watched Milligan's 1994 broadcast in which he called the prince 'grovelling'. How long can it be until there is a summons to the palace for Harry to be tapped on the shoulder?

Ken's bid for probity

Radio 4 reporter Andrew Hosken has just finished his biography of Ken Livingstone, which is being rushed out in time for the mayoral election. Hosken is the man whose investigations into Shirley Porter's time as leader of Westminster City Council first alleged corruption. I reported some time ago that Ken had submitted to interviews from Hosken in the belief that keeping his enemies close was the safest way to deal with the project. His publisher promises the book is 'balanced', but warns that Ken can 'expect one or two surprises.' Ken, meanwhile, isn't taking any risks when it comes to fundraising regulations: anyone who wants to bid for art donated by the likes of Antony Gormley at his forthcoming fundraiser is being checked to make sure they're on the electoral register before they put up their hand.

Close but no cigar

The papers have had a lot of fun with the story that Boris Johnson was contacted by the police in connection with a cigar case he pilfered on a visit to Iraq, something he owned up to in a newspaper column some years ago. Coming, as it does, during the London mayoral campaign, there were suggestions of dirty tricks, although Ken Livingstone denied having anything to do with calling the boys in blue. Perhaps that's just as well, since Ken has made an admission of his own in an interview and it would be unfortunate if more police time were wasted dealing with that too. Ken's theft is not as exotic as Boris's: in 1957, the mayor stole a book from a branch of WH Smith. 'Theft is theft,' says a police source. 'But as Sir Ian Blair made clear last week, we do have more important things to focus on.' Lib Dem candidate Brian Paddick, a former policeman, is not known to have stolen anything.

When the PM was paid lip service

It's Moustachegate. Anthony Eden's facial hair is causing controversy 31 years after his death. In The Decline and Fall of the British Empire, Piers Brendon recounts Eden's wife Clarissa rushing to blacken his top lip with mascara before a TV broadcast in 1957, fearing that the Prime Minister's light growth was insufficiently manly. Reviewers of Brendon's book noted the story, prompting Clarissa to tell friends it didn't happen. The historian says: 'Several have written to me to say she denies it.' His source was David Attenborough, who produced the PM's broadcast. 'He dedicates a couple of pages in his autobiography to the event. There were a lot of people there; some must still be alive. I'm sure he'd not lie.'

More Tory hot air

Last week, Tory MP Nigel Evans tabled an early day motion in Parliament titled 'Virgin Biofuel Flight' and praising 'Virgin Atlantic, Boeing, engine maker General Electric and Imperium Renewables on successfully completing the first commercial flight powered partly by biofuel' and praising its environmental advantages. Greenpeace put out a statement saying: 'This is a company hellbent on unrestrained airport expansion ... biofuels can often cause more damage to the environment than fossil fuels and Virgin is using this flight to divert attention from an irresponsible, business-as-usual attitude to climate change.' But being aware of Evans's credentials as an upright member of the House, I'm sure his enthusiasm has nothing to do with the free flights and accommodation Virgin provided for him on a trip to Montego Bay in 2006, nor the free upgrades a year earlier, and everything to do with his concern for the environment.

Jimmy's riddle

The Tories' new advertisements again use Jimmy Cliff's 'You Can Get it if You Really Want,' this time in a Facebook video campaign. So is the reggae star now a supporter? 'My music's for the world, love is what I deal with,' he tells me. 'I love the rich because they are so lonely. I love the poor because they are so many.' Dave's new policies, meanwhile, suggest cutting benefits for those who won't work and 'proper controls' on immigration.

Nigella on a plate

The latest instalment of 'How the Other Half Lives' comes courtesy of Nigella Lawson, married to art uber-collector, Charles Saatchi. Speaking at the Institute of Contemporary Art's fundraiser last week, she admitted to 'eating breakfast' off a Grayson Perry plate. As she explained, this proves Immanuel Kant quite wrong in his belief that art tends not to be useful.

Much bah humbuggery from Howells

Not much cheer from Foreign Office Minister Kim Howells last Christmas. A Freedom of Information request draws the news that while ministerial colleagues sent 474 official cards, he didn't send any. The FCO says it doesn't have to disclose who got them, because 'release of the detailed list might offend those contacts who did not receive a card'. If you're a friend of Dave Miliband's (he sent 210), you may feel aggrieved, but if you were expecting one from Howells, at least you know you weren't alone in being ignored.

About this article

Pendennis: The parable of Christ and the Tory coffers | It's true. Camilla just loves a couple of old gits | Ken's bid for probity | Close but no cigar | When the PM was paid lip service | More Tory hot air | Jimmy's riddle | Nigella on a plate | Much bah