Passages: Marriage, respect and a cake cutter

A seven-decade marriage is bound to have its ups and downs. Reta and Fred Hunter have certainly weathered their share of the latter, but they celebrated their 70th anniversary heartily on April 16 with family and friends.

“It’s a huge deal,” said their granddaughter Krista Shepherd, who hosted the party in her Granada Hills home. “There aren’t even 70th anniversary cards! Grammy and Paba – that’s what we call them – were making jokes all year about how they really wanted to make it till their 70th. I want them to try for their 71st.”

Married in their home state of Colorado, Fred, 91, and Reta, 89, raised their family in Sun Valley in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley. They moved to a 55-and-up community in Oceanside 22 years ago.

Fred Hunter had wanted to retire in the San Diego area since his U.S. Navy training here. While serving during World War II, his ship was hit by a Kamikaze attack, which embedded shrapnel in his legs and back. He received a Purple Heart.

“They didn’t receive the medals at a ceremony back then,” said Reta Hunter, who sent the government a request for the actual medal. “We got the Purple Heart in the mail and I presented it to him during our 50th anniversary party. It made him happy. It’s hanging in a frame on our wall.”

The Hunters had two children. Son Freddie was a Vietnam War veteran, who died in his mid-30s in 1983. Their daughter, Lonnie Hunter Henderson, died at 47 after a long illness in 2000.

“You’re supposed to go before your children,” Shepherd said. “My other grandmother, who was a close friend of theirs, said: ‘I don’t know how they do it.’ It’s a testament to the kind of people they are, to continue on. It’s amazing for them to go through that together, come out on the other side, and be such wonderful people.”

Shepherd and her husband were in the middle of a move while preparing for their anniversary gathering. An engraved cake cutter demonstrated the bittersweet quality of the celebration.

“We had just bought a house, but we had the party at the old home,” Shepherd said. “It was crazy doing this during the move, but there was no way I was not going to do it. I found their original cake cutter and server. It had the names and wedding date of my grandparents, and – on the other side – were my parents’ names and their wedding date. I didn’t even know I had it. We had all the people important to them at the party.”

The attendees included the Hunters’ other granddaughter, Shanna Christoffersen, and her two daughters.

“Paba was in good spirits and he was having a really nice day,” Shepherd said. “It was very special.”

Join the celebration

Are you, family members or friends celebrating a retirement, special anniversary, birthday, wedding or an engagement? Please let us know about it so we can consider it for a story. Email some details, a contact name and a phone number to us at passages@utsandiego.com

Fred, who is hard of hearing, has heart ailments and the beginnings of dementia, according to Reta, who has macular degeneration. Luckily, they have many friends at their Oceanside senior complex who drive them to doctor appointments and take them shopping.

“We’re too old to travel,” said Reta, adding dryly: “Seems like we spend a lot of our time visiting doctors.”

Reta takes water aerobics three times a week and she and Fred still attend club dinners and parties at the complex occasionally.

When the couple lived in Sun Valley, Fred worked as a salesman and Reta was in real estate. Their family and friends were intertwined.

“My mom’s parents – Grammy and Paba – lived near my dad’s parents and knew them from the neighborhood,” Shepherd recalled. “They already were friends. When I was growing up, both sides – my dad’s and my mom’s – celebrated the holidays. So it was neat. Rather than two separate families, we had one big family.”

Upon retiring, however, Fred and Reta were ready to relocate.

“Fred loved San Diego and I wanted to get out of the smog in the valley,” Reta said. “My daughter at the time said: ‘You can go two hours away, but that’s as far as you can go’.”

Given the hardships Reta and Fred have endured, how have they stayed together so long?

“He never tells me no, for one thing,” Reta said, with a laugh. “We’ve always respected each other and we talk things out. We love each other dearly. He’s very affectionate, always has been. When we got married 70 years ago, you just stayed married. Kids don’t do that anymore.”