Tove Styrke’s ‘Kiddo’ Album Review

SWEDISH POP MUSIC IS STILL THE BEST EVER

Earlier this year, I wrote about Swedish Idol contestant Tove Styrke’s triumphant return to the music scene with “Ego,” the lead single from her new album, Kiddo. With that single’s arrival, I thought that Stryke stood a fighting chance at tackling the US market and I am convinced someone on her team read that post. What happened after I mentioned that Beyonce has seen me but not Tove? She goes on to reference Queen Bey like nobody’s business on “Snaren.” I compared her to Britney Spears and Tove name drops Godney Spears in her latest single, “Number One.”

Yes, ya’ll. They’re watching me and that’s fine.

What they need to do now is read this post and correct the train wreck path that this album is already on. Now, hear me out: Kiddo is not a horrible Pop album. Swedish popstars have a tendency to consistently create magic but Kiddo does have a lot of unfortunate filler. I’m not surprised considering the lackluster Borderline EP she put out last year which includes some of the stronger tracks on this LP. “Samurai Boy” is the clear stand-out track with a heavy influence from fellow Swede, Robyn. The only other tracks that are worth mentioning are “Burn” and “Who’s Got News,” a slow groove that will fix you up after all of the misses you had to endure with this record.

Here’s what can be done to save Tove’s career and make her a chart success. Scrap plans to release “Number One”** and realize that any remaining budget needs to go towards a splashy music video for “Who’s Got News” which NEEDS to be the next single released in August or September. For the music video, construct a Fifth Element inspired world that’s crumbling around her but make sure to have your fair share of beauty shots and a racy shower scene that takes place around the 2:15 mark. Throw in some flashbacks of the love of her life dying and/or being dragged away by robots during the shower scene to make it both arousing and depressing. Tove is going to have to reach deep within herself to pull out an inner sex-kitten because that’s exactly what will need to be exploited during the campaign for this single.

PLAY WITH PEOPLE’S MINDS.

After “Who’s Got News” begins to fall down the charts (it will peak at #7), Tove will have had time to work on some new music which will be included on the re-release of Kiddo. This selection of new songs will please her fans as they will come barreling through earbuds sounding like 80% of the tracks from Tove’s self-titled debut album. I’ll do her team one better and give them exactly what they need to give her one of those annoyingly infectious radio-friendly singles: use a sample of Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” on a track about sex and title it “Throwback.”

SUCCESS.

**EDIT: They did NOT scrap plans to release “Number One” and I am actually glad. The video is quite lovely in a “We tried but this probably won’t chart, either” kind of way. Take a look for yourselves.