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Welcome to My Bad Mood

There was a new teacher at water aerobics last night and he was Lame with a capital L. He does gets points for trying but those are the only points he gets. The class was scattered thus, I had a horrible work out. Apparently everyone could pay $2 instead of $5 when they checked in but since I have a flash pass I just bi-passed the line which resulted in me paying full price. For a class that sucked. It’s only $3 but it’s insult to injury.

The Case of the Noisy Kittens continues. To the point where the landlords required me to write up the kitten owner. The kittens weigh less than 5lbs each. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THEY WAKE A PERSON UP!?

My chin is breaking out.

I have PMS. (see #3)

My therapist told me that while I am very good at expressing myself, intuitive and analytical she senses that I am always frustrated and angry. Fuck her! Just kidding. She’s totally right. I know this. I hate this. I don’t know what to do about it. I left our session even more frustrated and angry because having someone reflect back to you something you abhor about yourself but not help you figure out how to be different is, well, frustrating. But you know, sorry out of time, sessions over. I sort of hate myself today. All I can see is everything that is wrong with me.

Tenants who stand outside the front door smoking (Hi! Didn’t you get the memo that smoking kills?) and talking loudly with their friends after quiet hours while I am trying to sleep. Even with three fans blowing and ear plugs in my ears, I could still hear them. But I did not go down and ask them to be quiet because (see #3-5) I am crabby and cannot be trusted to defuse such petty situations. I probably would have ended up punching someone.

When people do stuff that infuriates me because I DO THAT SAME STUFF. I heart being a hypocrite. Random vague examples: Speak up for yourself! No one can know what you want if you don’t TELL them. Don’t assume other people’s intentions! Instead of letting your insecurities speak for you all the damn time, how about you ask the person where they are coming from or (gasp!) admit to feeling insecure. Don’t tell me that’s the plan then change the plan! Especially when I am the one who ends up looking disorganized.

I had a similar session with my therapist this past week and left sobbing. All at once she was an expert car mechanic, cardiologist and plumber. (Yeah, I can’t imagine her student loans for all those skills either!) Here’s an idea, if its only a one hour session, how about letting the client SEE A CLOCK to prepare for “wrap up” time?

The kitten incident? I can’t even begin to imagine. I just hope no one ever has a baby in that building, the noise and smell complaints would be through the roof!

Maybe walk the labrynth at the arboretum this weekend or whatever feels soothing.

Oh, rough to feel that way on a Friday, chica. I hope you feel better soon. I know it’s hard to just shut off the frustration and anger, and I can’t imagine having to deal with all the tenant stuff. It’s the hormones controlling you right now…you are just an innocent bystander, so get them under control, have a drink (or three!) you deserve it! and do some sit-ups or something to push through those emotions! The endorphins will help! :0)

Really? You have to write up a family with 5 lb kittens and my neighbor still has loud catering parties in her apartment? You should take the non-sleeper and let them spend a week at my apartment. We’ll do apartment-swap, like a reality tv show. I’ll go play with and cuddle the kittens. :)
Sorry you are feeling icky, on a Friday no less. Self discovery can be a bitch sometimes!

I have lived the torment that is noisy kittens. Puck managed to start a feud between my lower neighbor and I that lasted until I moved out. It stressed me out so much, because HOW DO YOU DISCIPLINE A KITTEN???

I fall into anger and self-loathing, it’s a hard cycle to break. I wish there were an easy way to deal with it. I try to make it a conscious decision that life is something that I take part in, not something that happens to me… oooooohm…

Ugh. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. But in a few days when the hormones clear, you’ll be feeling a lot better. I think. And hope.

Also, my water aerobics instructor is getting MARRIED next week so we’ll have a sub. How dare she, right? Luckily the classes are all included in the cost of the gym membership so there’s no harm done if the new teacher sucks.

It seems from lurking on here and reading all of your angst ridden complaints about being a manager of your apartment building… why not get rid of the gig and just be a regular rent paying tenant… perhaps that will diffuse some of your anger and stuff. Just a thought. Or find a small house to rent where it’ll just be you and your cats and you can findly try to relax and find the peace your soul truly needs and deserve…. again just lurking and thought I’d suggest something….

Aww, I know. (hugs) That frustration and repressed-anger-thing can get overwhelming. I wish I could tell you that it gets better if you let it out and let yourself be “free” to live it, but sometimes it just makes people hate you. However– there IS a benefit to being honest and letting your rightful anger bounce off of people who are p*ssing you off on a regular basis, and need new rules stated for them to engage you in. It can help get rid of the pesky clouds that envelope you, and leave you feeling hopeless and smothered.

We all have these bad times where everything just piles up in one bad news after another– hang in there. God may be hammering away on your head, trying to help you grow and be polished, but you will be better for it all. Inside, you will be better for the struggles. (You are already pretty awesome, so imagine another layer of that!)

I am looking to research a theory. Like clockwork, I have a “nervous breakdown” every July (allergies?). An entire month of intense PMS-like mental state; however, pushed to the extreme of “I cannot do this (whatever) anymore.” No, July is not reminiscent of any major catastrophe. I have; however, quit two jobs and took a medical leave one year in July. This year, the antihistimines and anxiety meds do
absolutely nothing and I (once again) fear I am losing my mind. Did I mention that a unique and particularly inconvenient symptom of whatever this is is a state of recklessness…the only thing that matters is that I get away from whatever I happen to be in….regardless of consequences. Does anybody out there have any similar symptoms linked to July?

I hate hypocrits too! One of my biggest pet peeves. I’ve gotten to the point where if someone interrupts my sleep, I say something b/c they often don’t realize how loud they really are and I become an even greater bitch if I don’t get my proper rest (esp. on school nights). I find that most people are so unused to confrontation that they’ll usually behave if someone says something.