Message Boards

Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

where's the passion

I'm in a realtionship where there is no passion, intimacy or romance. Not to mention the sex is not good, when we do have it. I've lost interest in sex and don't even want it with my partner. Why? Because he doesn't try to please me and I don't want to ask for what I want. I tried that once and he didn't seem very amused. I think he may think I'm a freak.

I care about him and don't want to end thing's but, I miss a passionate sex relationship.

tell him!

Like you, I value the passionate sexual sharing in a relationship. Men often are perplexed by women in that arena. My experience is that each of my partners enjoyed different stimulation and it was hard to guess or predict what each partner likes. So by all means share with your partner the best ways to stimulate you. He probably will be relieved to know what to do! If he is not, now he might get turned off. But at least you were honest with him. If you really value that part of a relationship and it isn't there in your current one, perhaps the best thing to do is to end the relationship or tell your partner that you will end it if this doesn't improve. That isn't a threat, that's being honest and upfront.

Thank you

Like you, I value the passionate sexual sharing in a relationship. Men often are perplexed by women in that arena. My experience is that each of my partners enjoyed different stimulation and it was hard to guess or predict what each partner likes. So by all means share with your partner the best ways to stimulate you. He probably will be relieved to know what to do! If he is not, now he might get turned off. But at least you were honest with him. If you really value that part of a relationship and it isn't there in your current one, perhaps the best thing to do is to end the relationship or tell your partner that you will end it if this doesn't improve. That isn't a threat, that's being honest and upfront.

Jackieh814, communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, platonic or otherwise, and if you can't talk to him about intimacy, why are you being intimate?

I'm in a realtionship where there is no passion, intimacy or romance. Not to mention the sex is not good, when we do have it. I've lost interest in sex and don't even want it with my partner. Why? Because he doesn't try to please me and I don't want to ask for what I want. I tried that once and he didn't seem very amused. I think he may think I'm a freak.

I care about him and don't want to end thing's but, I miss a passionate sex relationship.

Jackieh814, communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, platonic or otherwise, and if you can't talk to him about intimacy, why are you being intimate?

At some point in time, the sex must have been at least okay, or you would not be with him now, at least I hope that is the case.

You need to talk to your partner about what your likes/turn on's are as well as your dislikes/turn off's. If your sexual appetite is different than his, you should gently bring things up and look for a reaction, to see if it is favorable or not.

Some men love their woman to be a whore in bed and a lady in public, and others think of their wife as a mother figure. Let's hope your partner is open, but you need to go slow with bringing out information that may be foreign to your sexual relationship the way it is now, but how can you expect him to know what you want, if you are not willing to tell him?

Talk to him about role playing or different positions or anything that is different than what is going on now. Who knows, you may awaken a side of him he didn't know was there. I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex!

Completely agree!

Jackieh814, communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, platonic or otherwise, and if you can't talk to him about intimacy, why are you being intimate?

At some point in time, the sex must have been at least okay, or you would not be with him now, at least I hope that is the case.

You need to talk to your partner about what your likes/turn on's are as well as your dislikes/turn off's. If your sexual appetite is different than his, you should gently bring things up and look for a reaction, to see if it is favorable or not.

Some men love their woman to be a whore in bed and a lady in public, and others think of their wife as a mother figure. Let's hope your partner is open, but you need to go slow with bringing out information that may be foreign to your sexual relationship the way it is now, but how can you expect him to know what you want, if you are not willing to tell him?

Talk to him about role playing or different positions or anything that is different than what is going on now. Who knows, you may awaken a side of him he didn't know was there. I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex!

Excellent advice!

I would like to add, Jackie, that maybe the two of you can at least meet in the middle somewhere?

You MUST try and if it doesn't work, then you know you've done the BEST YOU CAN.

my sexual past

this might be the wrong section but i couldnt post on the right one. oh well

Hello, i am 24 yr old male. I never had a girlfriend before. I had sex with a prostitue a couple times last year. It was mostly on a whim and I didnt even think about stds at the time. 4 months afterward i got a check up and I didnt have any stds. yay.
Now my dilemma is should I reveal this to a potential future girlfriend? Should I just say "Ive never had a girlfriend" and let her think I'm a virgin? But I have this creeping feeling we won't be as intimate as I want if I do that, and I keep having flashes of how mad she would be if I reveal her the truth later on.

Stay away from the hookers

this might be the wrong section but i couldnt post on the right one. oh well

Hello, i am 24 yr old male. I never had a girlfriend before. I had sex with a prostitue a couple times last year. It was mostly on a whim and I didnt even think about stds at the time. 4 months afterward i got a check up and I didnt have any stds. yay.
Now my dilemma is should I reveal this to a potential future girlfriend? Should I just say "Ive never had a girlfriend" and let her think I'm a virgin? But I have this creeping feeling we won't be as intimate as I want if I do that, and I keep having flashes of how mad she would be if I reveal her the truth later on.

Good gawd NO, don’t reveal the prostitute incident to any future girlfriend.They will run for the hills thinking you’re a no good dog (which doesn’t sound to be the case).

You can say that you have had a couple of sexual experiences and leave it at that. Most women don’t want to hear any details of previous sexual experience from their boyfriends,,,it just leads to problems with them trying to see if your comparing them to what you’ve already had.

If someone does press the issue, then just tell them that it’s the “past”, and its going to stay that way…that you would much rather concentrate on the future, with them…

If you want to get some “experience” on how or what a woman likes during sex, ask the one your with at the time, be open to communicating… does she like having this touched and soft or hard, slow or fast, does she like her nipples touched etc, etc, if you ask, women will tell you the truth…we don’t want to have something done to us that is irritating or a turn off,,,,,what would be the sense of having sex if we aren’t going to enjoy it some?Get a good book or ask any questions here on this board, I or others here will fill you in best we can… Good Luck ~Redneon

Needing an opionion!

&nbsp

I am in the process of a divorce, but am horny to be quite honest. I don't like just sleeping around and my stbx husband had indicated that he is also horny but is not wanting to sleep with his current lady friend until we are officially divorced ... should we sleep together? If we both go into it knowing that it won't change the overall situation, then we are just two consenting adults with a history, right? &nbsp

Do not do it MOVE ON!

I am in the process of a divorce, but am horny to be quite honest. I don't like just sleeping around and my stbx husband had indicated that he is also horny but is not wanting to sleep with his current lady friend until we are officially divorced ... should we sleep together? If we both go into it knowing that it won't change the overall situation, then we are just two consenting adults with a history, right? &nbsp

No do not sleep together

You need a fresh start and to get on with your life

This will only prolong the pain and suffering divorce brings

GO OUT and find another

Sleeping together will do you no good. It will take up time that you could be with someone else

I would have, but I didn't

&nbsp

I didn't sleep with him, but I did let him get to my heart again. I swear, I am so stupid. My birthday was yesterday, well my stbx (soon to be ex) came home Monday evening really drunk and I helped him to bed. During the help that night and all morning yesterday he was so sweet. I want us to try to work it out, I will go to counseling if thats what you want, I believe that we can make it. So it is my birthday now, I call and set up the appointment with a counselor for next week. My husband calls me at work to see what it is exactly that I would like for dinner, so we decide that. The day goes on, I'm 40, I'm happy, it's my birthday. He comes home from work, still happy and begins to cook. Well our 10 year old is home and talking to him, then our 19 year old who lives with us comes home with her boyfriend and their new baby ... something happens, don't ask me what. I go into the kitchen when dinner is almost ready and my husband calls my 19 yr old in to see if she will finish the chicken as he has to go. I'm confused, I ask, "where are you going?" He has made a plate for his girlfriend, of my birthday dinner, and is going to take it to her at work, but will be back in about an hour or so. My heart sank to the floor and slithered off under the refrigerator never to be seen again. I felt so stupid and embarrassed for believing his lies all day. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way, but every part of my heart tells me that I should try to save my marriage. The vows do say for better or for worse. &nbsp

I wish I had the money because if I did, I would see a therapist weekly if not more and file for divorce tomorrow. I can't go on like this, he is slowly and painfully killing my heart and he doesn't even give a crap. &nbsp

Oh god, please let me win the lottery tonight ... I will gladly give him half the money just to get him out of my life once and for all and get on with living for myself and my kids. &nbsp