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I finally got my last two decks into the database yesterday, and just have the Ostara Tarot to put in there and I’m caught up.

I decided to draw two cards from the Dreaming Way Lenormand.

5 TREE – 7 OF CLUBS
11 WHIPS – JACK OF CLUBS

We all have our favourites that we check first before buying a card deck, whether it be tarot or oracle. For me it’s the Tree and Clouds, Garden and Birds in Lenormands.

Surprisingly, after a week of trying to calm down a gallbladder attack with attendant pancreatitis, these two cards fit the situation. I don’t know why I should be surprised but it was interesting. The Tree can mean good things like growth and nature, but it can also mean health health problems or problems with vitality or the life force. “This’ll learn me” I said to myself after suffering during a week of agony and worry. But it never does apparently. This was the second attack like this I’ve had but they are getting worse. Time to change. Really.

The Whips paired with this can mean chronic illness and recurring pain, my old cycle of pain. I liked the idea of stewardship with the Tree, because as well as stewards of the natural world we are stewards of our physical bodies. If you don’t look after your body that is poor stewardship. A whip can also mean abuse, in this case abuse of health and the body, and I also see self-flagellation with this in that I tend to moan and beat myself up by saying “Why have I done this to myself, why can’t I stop?”

Health and recurring, chronic pain, the cards always know!

I bought a Kindle book on healing the gallbladder and following the recommendations, I am healing but the next attack is not far behind with permanent damage IF I DON’T CHANGE.

I notice that Rana George has a new Lenormand deck (which I ordered) to go with the book she wrote on Lenormand decks (which I don’t have.)

I was tempted while browsing, but rather than buying another deck I decided to pull out all my Lenormand decks and pick a random card. Surprisingly, I already have nine Lenormand decks. How did that happen? My random pick was the Clouds card, number 6.

Ooooh, they just go on and on in this image. I always think of Clouds as good/bad or dark/light or even good luck/bad luck, but there are some subtleties to the card that haven’t entered my consciousness. Chloe McCracken in the book for the Celtic Lenormand refers to the ambiguity and polarity of this card; it’s so clear but if you think about clouds visually they do tend to blend together where there isn’t a clear delineation between light and dark. We are back to Pema Chodron’s “fundamental ambiguity of being human”.

The other aspect of this card that I never considered is the idea that you or another person might be showing two sides or that there are two sides to a situation and such. The way people hide things or misrepresent themselves or simply that you need to consider both sides could be part of this depending on the surrounding cards. One book I have mentions abuse, like an abuser presenting one face to the world and in private being dark and dangerous.

Speaking of surrounding cards, I find it astounding that people actually do the Grand Tableau with all the cards laid out. That would take me forever, and in some way I feel it is bypassing chance or randomness to have everything on the table, which is why I prefer a one-card or maybe a three-card maximum draw with these decks. Historically I am wrong, but personally I like it that way, yet there is something to be said for interaction with this card in particular, so when feeling expansive use as many cards as you like.

Oh, and most often the dark clouds are on the left, but in my own deck, The Illustrative Lenormand, I put them on the right, as does Lo Scarabeo in the Lenormand Oracle Cards, and in some of the cards it’s less clear where the light and dark are, it looks…ambiguous!

The other thing with these cards is the number itself, with 6 signifying the sixth month of June or six days or six weeks and whatever else you can throw at the meaning of numbers. I’ve never been too keen on that approach but others use it with success. My problem with numbers is how malleable they are, how you can bludgeon them to mean everything and anything. Ask yourself: “Who came up with this system of numerology?” Then think about how it could have been done differently, it could have been done 20 or 100 different ways. You could make up your own system, there are no archetypes with numbers, no root meanings, just what people have foisted on them.

Are words like that too? Maybe. There is some of that with words but “ambiguity” for instance has a Latin root of ambigere which means “to wander about”. It can be variously interpreted, as you meander through association and meaning, but you are always left wandering, uncertain, that is the base of what it means.

The number six is the smallest positive integer which is neither a square number nor a prime number. Six is the second smallest composite number; its proper divisors are 1, 2, and 3 and when you add those together you get 6. On it goes into mathematics, music and chemistry, biology, astronomy.

Numerology seems to have several associations tacked onto this number, like that it is feminine or nurturing and connected to service, responsibility, and thus connected to motherhood and caring. It has been connected to the Lovers card in Tarot which is also number six, and there are positive and negative energies, but generally this is a happy number. Who says? Where did this come from? Some human made it up and tacked it on. It’s a system, and it works because people make it work, but where did Big Mom come into the number 6? Humans. Read as you wish but don’t expect me to embrace a system that describes the number 6 as “nurturing”; it’s a fabrication.

We spent 4 to 5 hours yesterday shuffling things around and getting five bookcases set up and one partially filled. I am seriously thinking of selling two of my three dollhouses. I feel that time has passed since the 90s when that was my big passion, and I would like to concentrate on making art and sewing, weaving, writing, and reading. I’ll think about it further.

15 BEAR
FINDING BALANCE

“What is nourishing in small doses can be dangerous in excess” says Chloe. Apart from food this also points to passions in life. I tend to throw myself into things, buying excessively, and then find myself overwhelmed with stuff. Resisting cravings for food or material things, is a good reminder, a reminder that I have limited time at my age and I want to concentrate on things that have meaning.

I’ll always keep and work on my first dollhouse, because I built it from scratch and worked on it after my Mother’s death and after my favourite Aunt died so their memory is within it, and my grief at working through the loss. I still enjoy making things for it but the other two simply were too much of a good thing.

The Finding Balance card suggests that an effective way to restore equilibrium is to list and prioritize activities and parts of your life, then resolve to maintain the balance for what you need and enjoy. This is a reflective year for me anyway, since we moved across the country and I am turning 60. All things that make me realize what’s important to keep and what I can let go.

I’m finally getting to the boxes with all my card decks, so today I can enjoy seeing them again and dusting them and getting them set up just right.

I am up early because the chap is coming to hopefully repair our furniture and he said on the phone he’d be here early. Those nibbling Mice would not let me sleep or relax. I like the idea for this that you can’t let go of something, or someone, or that someone is nibbling at your energy and yet if you remain detached things flow along, neither good or bad.

That is a continual lesson for me. When things feel bad, they must be bad, right? Maybe not. There is a pattern my husband and I have developed that is damaging to my health, and I thought when we moved it would all go away. Fat chance of that literally, so that is on my mind.

The Isle of Calm says to breathe when tense or anxious, like the flow of waves, the rhythm of life restored in a relaxed state. Those fish can flow, but they can also nibble. Oooh I’m itchy, nibbly little biters everywhere.

Here’s a thought from Chloe in the Celtic Lenormand booklet: “I forgive myself for imperfect situations.”

And then I got busy and made myself a cheerful montage of the new Pilot Metropolitan fountain pen in the Retro Pop green colour that I ordered.

Despite good intentions I didn’t get anything done yesterday except go to bed. However, last night I slept for almost 10 hours and feel ready to tackle anything, so it’s bookcases and books today in the sunny living room.

25 RING
35 ANCHOR

There’s that commitment thing again! Cooperation as well as we work together today to begin and complete our unpacking project.

The Anchor is one of my favourite cards in Lenormand decks, and this one speaks of the home base and work, the sense of security we feel working at home to make our environment more comfortable and organized. We weighed anchor to get here but are now faced with the responsibility of pulling all our things together, yet it’s not so bad in a sunny room together.

We were zooming around yesterday getting groceries, going to the library, ordering some furniture, buying shoes after my left sole fell apart, measuring and configuring and trying to find books that are in boxes. The movers marked all my upstairs book boxes “den” from the old house when in fact many of them were for the living room, so I am unable to locate what I want without opening and closing boxes and shifting them around or dragging things up and down a flight of stairs.

Today I thought I’d use Chloe’s method of choosing a subject, looking for the card that represents that subject, and then choosing two extra cards for either side for a total of five. Choosing the subject card seems rather subjective but if my subject is unpacking books and setting up bookshelves then perhaps I should be literal and pick the Book card?

26 BOOK – I like the casing with the ties on this, hinting at hidden knowledge. Mostly for me it’s about projects, the big unpacking project. The wall could be my frustration in finding and setting up my bookshelves as I had them in the last house. Is it so bad to allow setting things up without following the previous patterns? Some kind of deeper metaphor there methinks. That book looks slightly out of reach although in clear sight on the table. Definitely how I feel.

1 MALE RIDER – BARD – Sure, you’ve got stuff to do, places to go, dozens of books to unpack, but don’t fall off a cliff. The thing about this guy is that he starts out, off he goes with enthusiasm. BEGIN the thing and stop before you hurt yourself.

36 CROSS – Oh the Cross, the Cross, the bloody Cross. I think of the dogma of certain people nattering SHOULDS in my ear about how I should be unpacking, how I should unpack this or that first. Not the least voice being my own expectations of setting up a perfect house in one week, a deadline long gone. You see the burial mound behind the Cross? It says this way is the way of death, death to my life force anyway. It is liberating to realize I don’t have to follow what someone else outlines for me. I know my things and where they go and in what order I should unpack them.

33 KEY – Unlocking, solving, certainty and solutions. Now that’s what I like! The light on the Key highlights the focus I bring to my project today. Part of the focus is that I bought a new chesterfield and chair and they are coming in about ten days. I must get my living room set up and solve the problem of where to put the sofa and chair.

While I had the money, before it got sucked away on house repairs, I bought myself something pretty in seafoam. I’m going to sew extra pillows with colour that pops with this.

20 MEADOW – GARDEN – A nice fruition card, don’t you think? Public space, a space for entertaining, perfect for moving to a new house and thinking of being social with new neighbours, not being afraid to ask them into my home, getting things nice for company. There is a hint here of other people and the thought that you have to please them overwhelming your own soul. I sometimes get caught up in that. Because of the autumnal look to this I think of getting things repaired and improved by autumn and settling in for next winter.

One thing I noticed in a general way with this reading is how the left flank cards echo the left side of the brain thinking, the intellectualizing, reasoning, overthinking, and the narrowing of the mind. Then the right flank cards seemingly are different in a right brain, sensing space and intuition vibe. Focus and colour and a wider view without all the angst and drama.

I’ve been pulling cards but not having time to post them as I had visitors.

25 – RING
7 – SNAKE

I liked the Ring image because instead of having a single ring, he shows someone wearing it and clasping hands. It can be about commitment, and to augment this I decided to use Chloe’s method of numerology and add the digits together to pull a second card.

A few months ago, upon having trouble with someone, I culled together several write-ups on bullies and dealing with them. Having gone through another recent episode with a house guest who criticized almost everything I did including how I did my laundry, how I did the dishes, how I fed my cat, how I spoke, what I watched on TV, how I was unpacking. The irony of this is that this person procrastinates unbelievably, whereas I rarely do, so getting advice on getting things done from them makes me angry. It is also ironic that many of the items I was getting advice on were things I had experience and knowledge of.

Perhaps it says more about me that I got so annoyed. Chloe calls this card the Fierce Snake, as opposed to the second version of the Snake which is the Shedding Snake. I call it Biter, and that’s how I felt all week being bitten and sniped at. Nitpicked to death, my harmony and resolve to organize myself went out the window as I spent two days reading, watching TV and vegetating to recover. Even my poor husband, who rarely gets involved in such emotions, was fed up and needing some quiet and rest.

However, amid my resting period I did get two parcels wrapped and a 2-page and 4-page letter done and ready to mail. I also glued a bookshelf, did five loads of laundry, and washed two bathrooms and the kitchen floor, and took the dogs for two beach walks.