A place for couples dealing with illness to find resources and advice, hear stories, and discover support. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, the result of disease or accident, couples can learn strategies for coping with the changes illness brings into our relationships and our worlds.
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Does the PTSD of Illness & Pain Ever Go Away?

I developed tendonitis in my right wrist -- probably from using an external mouse on my computer. I saw a doctor. Got a removable splint to wear and was told not to strain my wrist. No big deal, and no PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

A few day later, I sliced open two fingers on a sharp metallic edge of a tray I did not notice was so sharp. Blood gushed. I could see the fat layer of my fingers. I used the voice (you know the one. We all have it in serious situations where obedience is required and no questions are to be asked) to tell Richard - I need you to drive me to the emergency room, now.

I was fine during the waiting and the stitching. I joked with the doctor, got to know her life story, gave her recommendations for local restaurants.

Then, over the next few days, I was either hyper or low-per -- unable to sit for more than two minutes or unable to get out from under the fleece blanket and off the couch. I either felt feathery, as if gravity were not strong enough to hold me down; or I felt compressed & dense, as if I were the center of a cosmic black hole.

I was hypervigilant about the wound -- checking it a few times an hour to see if there were any signs of infection or to see if a stitch had come loose. I held my fingers under a fluorescent light. I examined them with a magnifying glass.

Within the course of a ten day period, I made two visits to the surgical physician's assistant and two more to after hours care. I was sure something had gone wrong.

As I was experiencing all this, I also had the awareness to ask myself if my excessive scrutiny might not be a leftover from the terrible fear of things going wrong that chronic pain can infuse into one's very cells. The answer was - Yes. I knew my behavior reeked of PTSD; but I couldn't stop it. I needed repeated confirmation that everything was OK.

In fact, one doctor I saw told me there were no signs of infection. But a few days later, the surgical physician's assistant I saw confirmed that I did have an infection, still in its early stages. I was relieved she caught it. But the misdiagnosis only reinforced my watchfulness.

Now, about three weeks after the finger slicing, I am calming down. I trust it's healing, as it was meant to do.

1 comment:

With time--I broke a finger once and it was worse than breaking the bones in my feet. I think the adrenaline makes a difference. Temporarily, beta blockers can help with PTSD (see studies) and are pretty mild. It's taken the edge off some events/bodily traumas for me.

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About Me

In November, 1999 I was whacked with a mysterious chronic pain syndrome that took me out of my life. With the help of my husband, my dog, and a combination of western and alternative approaches, I have a new life that includes working, writing, mountain climbing, smiling, and managing pain. I learned a lot along the way, especially about illness and the couple relationship. I'm also a psychotherapist, a business consultant, and have written a book about couples and illness, which was published in March 2013 (Roundtree Press)

“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”Susan Sontag