R2D2 or Artoo or however you want me to spell that, now don’t get me wrong, i’m a big fan of the little guy, but something occured to me the other day in a moment of random neuron movement… Artoo is something of a bad luck charm to his ‘owners’ (and those around him too). I put that in quotes because he’s a bit too badass to really be ‘owned’ by anyone really.

He comes across as the plucky little underdog, loved by kids and adults everywhere and probably tops the polls in most ‘100 best robots’ competitions… but i’m starting to think that the innocence is just a facade, that he’s really a force for great evil… let’s take a look at his log book.

Episode 1:
His first (chronological) appearance is as an Astromech on the Royal flag ship of the Queen of Naboo. Firstly, Naboo’s been invaded and Queen Amidala is on the run. Whilst running away, her ship comes under fire and the team of Astromechs are deployed to fix the ship – they all get blown to bits, apart from Artoo…

Episode 2:
Seperatist ‘rebels’ are trying to blow shit up in the Republic and someone’s gunning for Amidala, who seems to have adopted Artoo as her personal droid and seems to be under constant threat of assasination. Amidala then starts to fall in love with a young Jedi called Skywalker who’s got a bit of an emotional problem, making for an interesting relationship for her, especially when he gets his arm lopped off. Oh and his new best mate, C3PO (or Threepio) gets mashed up and dismantled.

rent a car bulgariaEpisode 3:
Artoo by this point, seems to have become more of Skywalker’s droid than Amidala’s (but more on her later) and as such is always with him, but look – Skywalker’s having trouble with his emotions and is edging towards the darkside of the force, oh no! And guess what, Amidala’s pregnant with his kids! Crikey, not much going smooth in that relationship… by the end of the film, Skywalker’s gone evil and kills Amidala! Cool, huh? Artoo get’s given to a new owner, one captain Antilles (and his best mate, Threepio gets his mind wiped!)

Episode 4:
Captain Antilles’ ship comes under attack and is presumably killed by the Imperial forces that board it. Artoo, now ownerless again, ends up for sale on the planet of Tatooine where (along with Threepio) he get’s bought by a moisture farmer, who a short while later along with his wife, is BURNT ALIVE by Imperial forces! Their nephew Luke adopts the droids (the fool!) and goes off on a series of adventures to rescue a princess and save the galaxy, adventures which, whilst happening, see the deaths of several of Luke’s close friends…

Episode 5:
This starts out with Luke getting attacked and mained by a giant snow beast on the planet Hoth, he manages to recover though and even gets to kiss the princess! But then the Imperials invade and they go off for several more adventures, culminating in Luke getting his hand cut off and finding out that Darth Vader is his father and that his mentor Ben Kenobi lied to him. All in all, a pretty shitty day for Luke and guess who’s been with him all this time, yep, little Artoo.

Episode 6:
Luke may be starting to wise up to things here… he ‘gives’ Artoo to Jabba the Hutt as a gift and half an hour later, Jabba’s dead! Feel the power of Artoo! Soon after this though, once he’s got Artoo back again, he finds out that the princess he’s got the hots for his actually his sister. ouch. To make matters worse, Luke then has to fight his father and almost get’s killed by his dad’s boss, the Emperor of the galaxy. Vader then kills the Emperor but not before fatally wounding Vader. Elsewhere, Artoo’s in the charge of Luke’s sister, who ends up getting shot.

All in all, pretty conclusive evidence if you ask me, that Artoo is a serious bad luck charm…