"The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez" is a folk song that Bender wrote in 3013. [7ACV14] It's about a railroad man — Big Caboose — who decides to take revenge on a smooth-talking rambler — Bender himself — that slept with his lover — Jezebel. The rambler asks his best friend — Fry — for help, but his best friend, too, decides to take revenge on him, for having once [1] abandoned him, and refuses to help.

The song follows the few basic patterns that Bender found after he downloaded every folk song in the universe and analysed them. Before devising it, Bender had Dr Beeler use his 3-D printer to duplicate the guitar of the greatest folk singer of all time — Silicon Red. The printer began duplicating more, and the song started to turn into reality.

Contents

The song

Original version

Bender sang this version of the song at the restaurant T.G.I. Folky's. The audience booed him, which Silicon Red then attributed to the song being insincere.

Well... my bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler, so I... ran him over with my train.
Lord! Lord! Yes I... ran him over with my train.

Final version

Bender began work on this version after he met Big Caboose, who had had the exact experiences that Bender needed for the song, at The Rusty Rail.

Well... Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun... 'til a bad-hearted woman he spied.

Well... Jezebel's heart did wander... when she saw that ramblin' man.
He was tall and dark and shiny... and a native Mexican.

Well... Rodriguez ran to his best friend... said "help me or I'll surely be killed".
Fry laughed and he said "you deserted me once. Now it's your turn to feel the chill".
Lord! Lord! Now it's your turn to feel the chill.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez... straight to New New York Town.
He cried—[Later...]
He cried "rambler. You slept with my Jezebel"—[Later...]Big Caboose: That rambler slept with my Jezebel. Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down.Big Caboose: Lord. Lord. Comin' for to shoot him down.

But while you were all out fighting with the giant plastic octupi I copied myself... you see.Fry and Leela: Bender!
And I cowered in the bathroom while that steel-drivin' moron killed a duplicate instead of me.Fry and others: Lord! Lord!
Killed a duplicate instead of me!