Russian orphans look out an orphanage window at a departing adoptive family.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

From Russia to China...With Love

Thirteen precious orphans, plus one child who traveled

with us, on our November 2010 Lighthouse Project

trip to Moscow. Six of these children were adopted

by our families. But one of these souls was never

able to join his waiting family due to the 2012 tensions

between the United States and Russia. Russia has

not since reopened to American adoption.

(Photo by David LaRocque)

I expected to stay with it forever. The Russian Orphan
Lighthouse Project had been my life for six years, though I'd volunteered for
longer. It stoked a passion for Russia, brought me there 14 times, gifted me a
son and a daughter, and allowed me to find adoptive families for 80 older orphans.
Any list of the joys I found with Lighthouse would include some of my life's most
fulfilling moments.

Love of Russia could not blind me to its idiosyncracies,
though. Russia never stopped feeling untamed, like a roller coaster just barely
skimming its tracks. The country was touchy about everything adoption-related,
yet I never imagined our program would end as it did, crushing a million tender
dreams in the process.

A cruel tit-fot-tat closed Russia to American adoptive
families at the end of 2012. Aiming to punish the United States for the
Magnitsky Act―a piece of legislation wholly unrelated to adoption―the Russian
government devastated hundreds of orphans who had adoptive families working to
bring them home. Eighteen of those children―all older, two HIV-positive, and
two sibling foursomes―were headed to Lighthouse families, moms- and
dads-in-waiting who had met and already adored them. It killed us to leave them behind, especially since it seemed so unlikely that they'd be adopted by Russians. In time, some of our kids did find Russian families, so at least they'd be loved. But to the best of our knowledge, few of our lost kids were so blessed.

Dear Artem almost made it home to the

family who would have changed his future.

Every child left behind broke my heart, but

none like Artem. He was such a gentle,

innocent victim of a political situation he

would never even understand.

(Photo by David LaRocque)

We brainstormed ideas, then participated in nationwide
family-agency-U.S. State Department conference calls which happened frequently
at first, then slowed until hope died altogether. It would not have helped our
Russian kids, but eventually we began looking to other countries for work. I
traveled to Ukraine, and was on the verge of going to another country. Nothing
materialized. And though my heart never moved on, my life finally had to.

On my trips to Russia, I'd never actively looked for children
to adopt myself, though my eyes were incessantly open. During those years, three
kids endeared themselves to me so much that I would have adopted any of them had
I been able to arm twist my husband. But as much as his no's grieved me, I realized that the Lighthouse Project was
all-consuming, and that by not adopting one orphan, I stayed able to serve
many. Then it all dried up anyway, not by my will, but seemingly by Vladimir
Putin's.

In September 2013, when expectations for Russia were running
on fumes, my friend showed me a photo of a young Chinese girl. Even with
unwanted free time on my hands, I still wasn't looking to adopt, hoping Russia
might reopen. Further, the child was blind, which terrified me. So I did all I
could: just prayed that the Lord would call a family. In mercy He answered―by
calling me. After a maddeningly tortured path, Eliana joined our family in
February 2015, through a process so circuitous that its ultimate success
scuttled any doubt that she was meant to be ours.

Randy and I meeting Eliana for the first time

Ironically, while battling for Elaina's adoption, I still greatly feared bringing home a blind child. Several parents encouraged me, claiming
that their blind children were children first, and that blindness was the least
remarkable part of who they were. I hardly dared believe it, but soldiered on
out of duty. After her homecoming, though, I became the staunchest of believers;
Eliana swiftly and gracefully compelled me to view her as only my daughter.
Home ten months now, she has greatly exceeded my most optimistic expectations;
her joy, positivity, sweetness, intelligence, and 20/20 heart vision define her
so much more accurately than "blind" ever could. Every day since
she's been home I've felt thrilled by the gift she is. So much that we are
adopting again―another blind girl from China.

Eliana loves to help, and is entirely capable.

As Eliana flourished, my soul began aching for orphans with
special needs like hers. Nine weeks ago, the friend who'd showed me my little
one forwarded information about a trip to China quite similar to the Lighthouse
Project trips I'd run in Russia. With two intensely personal connections to
China through my daughters, I already loved the country, so my desire to travel
was kindled. My Eliana had opened my eyes to children with special needs, and
now I yearned to help them move from orphanages to families. At the beginning
of November, I arrived in Beijing to meet Perry, ten, a winsome boy who would make advocacy for him easy once I got home. After our time together, I spent
the last days of my trip at a foster home for visually impaired children. Blind
children are among the most difficult to place; if only potential adoptive
families knew what I know now!

﻿

A photo I took as I left my Russian kids' orphanage

on my first trip to Russia, back in 2005. It became

theme photo for this blog. It poignantly embodied

the need I saw in there, and motivated my work until

thecountry closed to adoption. I drew immense

inspiration from these faces, and I pray that some

joy has come to their lives.

Thus, my Lighthouse Project chapter of life is over. Like
closing a spell-binding book of endless surprises, I deeply regret its too-soon
ending. But I'll forever treasure the profound joy it brought me in those few
years; a billionaire with ten thousand lifetimes would be less blessed. The Lighthouse
Project―which was really only about the kids we helped―and those at the end who
we couldn't―has already begun shaping a new work in China.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear families, children,
supporters, and readers―friends!―for sharing with me this amazing Russian story.
As I say goodbye to Russia, I invite you to come meet China's unloved, but
lovable, orphans with special needs. I'll be introducing them on a new blog, Too Special. I'd be honored if you subscribed. There are more kids we can love and help together, and that
journey is just beginning.

Visit Older Orphans and Bring a Special Delivery of Hope to Eastern Europe

The Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project's trips take you to spellbinding Eastern Europe, where you'll stay with our friendly group of Americans at a country retreat, host the orphan of your choosing, and decide whether or not to pursue a child's adoption. Travelers not interested in adoption are welcome to join us, too; it comforts and encourages the children! Single boys, girls, and sibling groups are available. The Lighthouse Project arranges all in country transportation, lodging, meals, sightseeing, and culturally appropriate activities. For details, contact Becky De Nooy at (616) 245-3216.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. --Mark Twain

Video: Saving Russia's Orphans: The Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project

About Me

My name is Becky De Nooy. I am blessed with six children from three countries: Guatemala, China, and Russia. While homeschooling takes much of my time, I love orphan ministry. From 2004 until Russia shut down to adoption by Americans in 2012, I worked with the Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project, a true highlight of my very blessed life. With the Lighthouse Project, I coordinated 22 trips bringing 179 older Russian orphans to visit potential adoptive families, resulting in the adoptions of 80 children.
When Russian work became impossible, I had time to adopt a fifth child, a visually impaired girl from China, who opened my eyes to the desperation of orphans with special needs. Since her homecoming, I adopted a second blind child, and I have become passionate about helping children like them meet their forever families. For information on adopting or parenting children with visual impairments, or for information on any child highlighted here, please call me at (616) 245-3216, or email me at toospecialkids@yahoo.com.