How to Stop Loving Someone

When you see the green expert checkmark on a wikiHow article, you can trust that the article was co-authored by a qualified expert.

This particular article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LICSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.

The authors of this article cited 13 references, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

Though love can be wonderful, sometimes it can hurt you more than it makes you happy. Maybe you just went through a bad breakup or perhaps you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. These experiences can be painful and you might be wondering how to move past them and be happy again. You can stop loving someone by creating distance, coping with your sadness, and moving forward with your life.

End the relationship if you're still together. If you're trying to stop loving someone who you're currently with, it's time to break up with them. Whether this person doesn't love you back or if your relationship has taken a turn for the worse, sit them down and break the news gently but firmly.

Say “Though I love you very much, it's time for me to move on. You told me that you don’t love me, and I'd like to have a relationship with someone who cares for me as much as I care for them.”

You can also say “Though I love you very much, we haven't been happy for a long time. I cry more than I smile and I don’t think this is healthy. We can talk about it more, but I have made my decision.”

Limit seeing the person you love. When you're trying to move on from someone, spend as little time around them as you can. Drive a different route to work or walk an alternative way to class. If you have mutual friends, hang out with them less if you know the one you love will be around.[1]

Unfollow, unfriend or block them on social media. Remember: out of sight, out of mind. Avoid seeing the person you love both in person and online. Block them from all your social media accounts so neither of you has access to one another. If you don’t want to block them, at least unfriend or unfollow them so you don’t have to see their posts in your newsfeed.

Cut off any unnecessary communication with them. Avoid speaking to this person even if they reach out to you. The less you communicate with them, the quicker you can fall out of love. However, it's necessary to communicate in some instances. If you have a child together, are working on a project at work, or if they are asking for their things back, you will need to talk.[2]

If you must talk, do so in a neutral location that won’t bring up old feelings, like a coffee shop. Be civil with them but avoid being too friendly. When you talk, it’s okay to be polite and ask how they’ve been, but get to the point of the conversation quickly.

Say something like “I’m glad you’re doing well! So let’s talk about Josiah now. His first day of Pre-K is tomorrow and we need to make a schedule for picking him up every day.”

Avoid all your old spots. If the place where you first kissed or had your first date brings back memories, stay away from it. Though you can’t ever forget these times, there's no need to bring up old memories that might make this process more difficult.[3]

Take a vacation if possible. If you can, get away for a bit. This will ensure that you don’t have to see the person you love at all for a few days. Take a solo vacation somewhere or go on a trip with friends or family.[4]

If money is tight, take a day trip instead. Go to a local beach or to a big city nearby to sightsee.

Remove reminders of them from your environment. Have pictures of the two of you in your room? Throw them out or put them away. Have an old sweater of theirs that you keep in your closet? Donate it to charity. These little reminders can make it hard to get over someone, so box them up or toss them.[5]

Focus on their flaws instead of the good times. You might be thinking of the laughter and fun that you shared with the one you love; instead, remember the not-so-good times. There’s a reason you don’t want to love this person anymore. Focus on what led you to this decision.[6]

Think about the time they were rude to your mother, made you cry on your birthday, or how selfish they were in general.

Meditate daily. It's likely that thoughts of the one you love are in your mind all the time. Meditation is a tool that you can use to clear your mind and bring peace to your life. Pick a time each day to sit down in a quiet space for at least ten minutes. Focus only on your breathing during this time.

If you're inexperienced with meditation, you can download apps like Headspace or Calm.

Get support from your friends. Letting go of the love you have for someone is tough, but with a little help from your friends and family, you can do it. Rather than isolating yourself, call up a friend to talk. You can talk through your feelings for the person you’re trying to fall out of love with or just catch up on other things in your lives.[7]

Try not to call them too often upset about the relationship ending, however. No matter how good a friend they are, they won’t want to hear sad news all the time.

Talk to a therapist if you think you're depressed. If you've been trying to get over this person for months but can’t shake your feelings, consult with a therapist. If you feel that you can’t get out of bed or that you aren’t enjoying things like you used to, you might be depressed. Address it now so you can beat the blues.[8]

Make lots of changes in your life. When trying to stop loving someone, reinvent yourself. View the old you as the person who was in love and create a new version of yourself who doesn’t have these same feelings. Update your wardrobe, home, and set new goals for yourself. Consider the following changes:[9]

Throwing out any clothing you haven’t worn in years and replacing it with new, stylish outfits.

Exercise to improve your mood. Not only is exercise good for the body, but it’s good for your mental health, too. Exercise releases endorphins which are natural mood boosters. Though letting go of love for someone is a sad process, hitting the gym will make you feel better.[10]

Hang out with friends. Letting go of love for one person doesn’t mean that you can’t still show love to your family and friends. Spend some time connecting with them weekly to hang out, see a movie or get a drink. Getting out and about again will help you feel better and move on quicker.[11]

Find a new hobby. During this process, keep yourself busy with fun activities. Try something you’ve always wanted to do or rededicate yourself to an old hobby. Use all the free time that you’ll have from letting go of this person to invest in your own fun.[12]

Go out on dates again. Once you’ve fallen out of love and no longer think of the person every day, get back out there. Ask your friends to introduce you to other singles they know or consider an online dating service. And remember, no matter how tough this is, you got it![13]

Though new relationships are exciting, avoid rebounds. Don’t start going out on dates until you have moved on completely. Some signs that you’ve moved on are crying less often, not thinking of them when you wake up or go to bed, and not getting emotional when you hear your old songs.

Be patient. Getting over someone you once loved takes time and a good amount of emotional effort. You should limit the time you spend thinking about the relationship, but if thoughts of the person creep in now and again, don’t panic. You’re only human.

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I love my best friend, but he's in a relationship with someone else. What should I do?

Since your best friend is already committed to someone, it's best to focus on other things. Don't dwell on him, and try not to daydream about the "what ifs." Spend time with friends and family, try new activities, and limit social media contact with him and his partner.

It's going to take time and effort. When you notice thoughts about this person, consciously focus your attention on something else. Distracting yourself with friends, family, and activities you enjoy can be helpful. Give yourself time--you can't make this change overnight.

Well, we both love each other and I don't doubt on her loyalty and we are both actually happy together. The problem is we fight for stupid reasons everyday and I cant handle such pressure. Any advice?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

Have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Tell her you love her and trust her but want to work on fighting less. Make a plan together to deescalate situations when they arise. For instance, you might each try taking deep breathes and counting to ten when you get upset instead of reacting.

About This Article

This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LICSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.

Reader Success Stories

"I've been having trouble getting over a guy who likes someone else. This really has encouraged me that it's time to just cut him off. My life will go on without him. Thanks, wikiHow!"..." more

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Liliah Bitlian

Sep 25

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Lilah B.

Sep 25

"This article helped me. My boyfriend is mean, but I loved him so much. This helped me get over him. Thanks, wikiHow!"..." more

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Anonymous

Sep 15, 2016

"I'm a 62 year old woman learning to cope with the end of a second marriage. I thought this time after 19 years that my husband would be my forever guy as he was truly the great love of my life. I need to take baby steps and this article was perfect for me."..." more

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Anonymous

Sep 19, 2016

"The thing that helped me most is to stop every possible contact with my ex so that I may be safe from getting hurt again after the breakup and even to show him up. I already moved on in my life and I don't need him anymore to put restrictions on me."..." more

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Ana Vargas

Apr 5, 2016

"I've been trying to get over a boyfriend who's on again, off again. All of the things in this article confirmed some of the things that I've been trying to do. It also had some really helpful tips on how to make space between us, and to build me up."..." more

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Anonymous

Jun 17, 2016

"Explaining examples of no contact, remembering flaws of ex boyfriend, and suggestions for staying busy and getting out (inexpensive ways) were very helpful! Just harder being single and dealing with this in your 40s. Not as easy to do."..." more

SS

Sheela Selendia

Mar 28, 2016

"I had just recently broken up with someone and I keep seeing him in the hallways, and I just couldn't get over him because we were so in love. But this helped me get over that and him."..." more

GS

Gracie Sykes

Mar 28, 2016

"The whole concept of both articles was very understandable and easy to do. I literally stopped loving Jimmy (my ex) in like 2 days or something. Thank you so much!"..." more

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Anonymous

Jul 24, 2017

"The love and in love difference helped. Having good feelings for someone is not the same as being in love. Unrequited love tricks may help me."..." more

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Oumaima

May 25, 2017

"I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back, but many times he comes back to me when I want to forget him permanently."..." more

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Jasmine Hilali

May 7

"It help me to realize that I was just living for him and forgot my own life. Now it's time for changing."

A

Anonymous

Jul 4, 2016

"At least, while I'm reading this I'm not thinking about him. Also, it's good advice to check myself."

A

Anonymous

Jun 26, 2016

"She tore my heart out but then I realized I'm better than that, and deserve better."

RC

Rachel Coronado

Mar 28, 2016

"Very informative. I used the "writing your feelings down" tip and it worked. "

RS

Refilwe Sehloho

May 1, 2017

"What helped me the most is that I must keep a distance, even if I love him."

A

Anonymous

Jan 26

"This helped me realize how I could stop the revolving hurt by changing me."