Woodward, the Clintons, and Dick Cheney share some eerie parallels. Woodward’s “Deep Throat” brought down a president, the Clintons “Deep Throat” went down on a president, and I heard that Dick Cheney once rented “Deep Throat.”

A lot of Republicans fear that Hillary would be a formidable foe, but I can’t imagine a better scenario for Republicans. Especially if Dick Cheney’s the nominee. The “Hillary vs. Dick” jokes alone will make it worthwhile.

In the 2000, 2002, and 2004 elections, many Democrats had Republican itching powder put in their political jock strap. They were livid, and as soon as they finished scratching, they were seeking a warm spritz, a positive spin on the whole election debacle, and vengeance.

The beauty of Democrat politicians is in the fact that they never realize, or at least admit, why they lost. A good Republican can get whipped in an election and honestly say to himself, “How was I supposed to know she wasn’t 18 and her father was the chief of police?”

With Democrats, it’s different. When they lose, the blame lies outside themselves. It most certainly can’t be due to crooked dealings, antiquated and discredited ideals, or claiming to champion minority causes while a “First Place: Potato Sack Race” trophy from the Ku Klux Klan’s “Father-son picnic” sits on a shelf in their office. The usual conclusion is “we didn’t get our message across.”

This is where Hillary succeeds among her colleagues. Democrats think she can “get the message across.” The rub is, there is no message. Democrats are constantly pulling nothing out of a hat and driving themselves nuts trying to convince everybody they’re holding a rabbit.

In one aspect, Hillary is your average Democrat. She claims to represent the “common people,” the downtrodden and the losers in the lottery of life. Many politicians hang 10 on that “serf” board, until waves of logic crash upon them, wiping them out. In the case of Hillary and her licentious, zipper-eroded husband, if they wanted to represent the downtrodden, poor and penniless bottom-enders, why the need to move out of Arkansas?

I for one am looking forward to Hillary winning the Dems nomination. Let it happen. Bring it on!

If you’re one who cringes at the hideous “nails on chalkboard” shrieky condescension of Queen Carpetbagger, suck it up and sing her praises. Hillary must be the nominee to ensure a Republican victory. Seriously. She’s not as dangerous as people fear (unless you’re a potential material witness against her).

Let’s stop bellyaching about the fact that she made an illegal fortune insider trading cattle futures. Just view it as a case of, as they say, “bovine intervention.” Forget that she and Vince Foster carried the attorney-client privilege to the point of backseat tickle-fights and clasp fumbling, and he was later found dead while Hillary and her accomplices rifled his office so severely that investigators falsely assumed that Guns N’ Roses had spent the night there. Whitewater? Hey, shafting people in land deals is the American way, buddy, and so is stealing silverware from the White House.

She has a number of other positives. Word is that she regularly beat her husband, who was partially shielded from any direct blows by all the monkeys on his back. Hillary also played a pivotal role in making her brother Hugh, the perpetually scheming gravy boat with a law degree, pay back $400,000 in fees for presidential pardon work. Hugh later apologized to her– for getting caught.

By the time the morning after the 2008 election rolls around, we’ll have seen candidate Hillary Clinton go down to defeat in resounding fashion. The Democrats, reeling from another beating which will have rendered them the Jerry Quarry of political parties, will falsely assume they need to move further to the left (left of where Hillary was, not from where she pretended to be), and dig themselves deeper into political oblivion. When your opponents want to dig their own grave, help them find a shovel.

That shovel looks a lot like Hillary Rodham Clinton. Halliburton trumps Whitewater any day of the week.

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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of parenting, politics, war, religion, economics, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy or read excerpts.

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About Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a blast of snark.
Townhall Media editor. MichelleMalkin.com alum. Bowling novice.