Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Help Me Help You

The movie "Jerry Maguire" is known for a few relationship lines. The two most-quoted ones go something like this... "you had me at hello" and "you complete me." Yada. Yada. Yada. I liked the movie just as much as the next person, but those of us who have been married for any amount of time know that these lines are oversimplifying things a wee bit. (Okay...oversimplifying things a lot, but hey, it was a movie).

Do you know what line I really like?! It's the line during the phone conversation between Tom Cruise's character and Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character. The line went like this... "help me help you." (At least I think it was during the phone conversation?! Correct me if I'm wrong). Anyway, I LOVE that line! Especially when I think of sex.

Here's why... we can't read each other's minds. The trip to the altar with my beloved did not make me instantly privy to all his sexual wants, needs and desires. Nor did it make him privy to mine.

A husband and a wife need to navigate sexual intimacy with their eyes and hearts tuned into "help me help you." In other words, learn what arouses each other by being willing to convey to each other what you find arousing.

Honestly, I think the "help me help you" dynamic is particular true for us as women. Experiencing sexual pleasure and climaxing is not always easy. And what we find arousing in one encounter is not arousing the next. (God bless our husbands...no wonder they are confused at times).

Only way over this barrier is the "help me help you" path. I know it may seem strange or embarassing or awkward to try to communicate with each other what you find arousing. But you want amazing sexual intimacy, don't you? Profound connectedness and oneness? Communication is the ticket. Skip the movie. Head to the bedroom. And look at each other and say, "Help me help you."

2 comments

Julie - You are right on with this post. Alisa and I were talking last night about this subject about communicating in the bedroom. If you desire intimacy and pleasure you have to be able to communicate these wants and desires to your spouse. For us it took many years for us to realize that even though we were communicating outside of the bedroom we were still missing something. It wasn't until we did our 60 Days of Sex that we finally realized that talking about our wants and desires was beneficial for our sex life. Being open about this has transformed our love making and taken it out of this world.