I'm a mom, a wife, a nurse and now I'm a runner…catch me if you can!

Hartford Marathon Training – Week 1 Phase 3, Marathon Focus

My training is broken up into blocks. Phase 3 is a 6 week block and the emphasis is now on the full marathon so I will be running longer and increasing mileage. I’m nervous about this phase because I’m not sure how I’m going to find the time to run more, but I’ve done it before so where there’s a will there’s a way.

Hopefully this week is not indicative of what is to come. It was a very emotionally charged week.

Monday, 8/10 – Cross Train or Yoga

I did about 30 minutes of yoga and stretching.

Tuesday, 8/11 – 45 to 60 minute Easy Run

Nothing! Work took over my life this week.

Wednesday, 8/12 – Cross train or Yoga

Again I was pressed for time and work was all consuming. I bolted out the door mid afternoon and somehow managed to run 4.60 miles in 40:17 (avg pace 8:45 min/mile). Map My Run malfunction?!! I’m not so sure I believe that pace, but I know I was pushing it nonetheless. Later in the evening I did 1.68 miles with Kate.

At the last minute my husband found out he had to work at his regular job. This threw off my plan a bit so I scrapped my long run and did Thursday’s tempo interval workout instead. The day just didn’t go as planned. I actually had to work as well. I agreed to see a patient although I don’t work weekends at my insurance job. I had to bring my son to my mother’s. I saw the patient and then came home to do the paperwork. We had plans in the evening and time was ticking away. As I mentioned I was feeling rather emotional all week and it seemed to all bubble over the surface by Saturday afternoon. I had a bit of a cry and finally went for a run.

I drove to the college hoping for some shade around the pond. It was insanely hot and humid. The run sucked. I just couldn’t get my legs moving the way I wanted them to. I stuck it out though and ran 8.01 miles in 1:25:02 (avg pace 10:36 min/mile).

Sunday, 8/16 – Cross train or Yoga

I had no choice but to do my long run on Sunday. I ran 12.1 miles in 2:00:29 (avg pace 9:57 min/mi). I was so happy to see I managed the distance in just under a 10 min/mile pace. It was an uneventful run on a boring route near my house. I am craving new scenery.

Everything seemed out of sorts this week. I’m not going to complain about work because I know that I am the only one who can change that situation. I’m not stuck, but I have committed to staying at least a year.

My emotions were all over the place mostly due to a visit from my father. I don’t mention him much here. He lives in Florida. We see him rarely and only speak to him once a week usually on Thursdays, his preference. He has never been very close to me, but I have given him every opportunity to forge a close bond with his only grandchild. When I found out he was coming for 10 days in August, I asked him if he would like me to keep Carlos out of camp for a week and he said yes. Carlos loves his grandpa and had a wonderful time with him last week. As the week came to an end my father made it clear that he was babysitting Carlos for free and in turn doing me a favor. This was infuriating to me because that’s not at all how I saw it. I can afford to pay a babysitter or put Carlos in camp while I’m working. I don’t NEED help.

My dad’s visits inevitably cause me a great deal of stress and always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. He has no idea how much it hurts that he prefers to spend time with his girlfriend and her kids. They’ve been together for about 20 years and she is not the warmest person. It boils my blood that her grandchildren call my dad grandpa. But I have to tread lightly and watch what I say to my father or he will stop speaking to us. That started when I was 13 and there have been multiple episodes of silence since. The last was when Carlos was an infant. He stepped away from our lives, my sister included, for 2 years until I he finally answered my call. I begged him to reconsider his decision and I convinced him that if he came back into our lives at that time Carlos wouldn’t know any different, but if he waited Carlos would be confused. So he started speaking to us again.

It’s a fragile relationship though and as I mentioned I walk on eggshells around my dad and his girlfriend. My dad had told me they were just coming for a vacation. He failed to mention that the trip was actually planned to coincide with the birth of his girlfriend’s youngest daughter’s third child. On Friday his girlfriend was showing me photos of their outing to a local lake and then the photos jumped to the hospital room. There was my dad with the newborn all smiles like a proud grandpa. I felt like I got kicked in the stomach at that moment. I pushed away the emotions and with a smile said “oh what a nice photo.”

My son was born on my sister’s birthday a week before Christmas. My dad and his girlfriend were flying up the following weekend for the holidays. I had a c-section so I was in the hospital for 5 days. I asked if he was going to change his flight to come see Carlos. My dad said no. He was retired at the time. He had no reason he couldn’t come up alone a few days early. This was his first grandchild. How could he not be excited about it? Seeing him in that photo brought it all back. It made me wonder how many of his girlfriend’s grandchildren he held just hours after they were born.

Of course there are two sides to every story, but my side remains that I was a kid when my parents divorced. My dad pulled away then despite my mother’s urging to see us whenever he wanted. As the years passed the distance grew as well. I can’t quite understand a parent who doesn’t want to know their child and be as much a part of their life as possible. I don’t think I will ever understand my father.

Aimee..
Wow, it sure does seem like it was an emotionally charged week for you. I can completely understand your frustration with your dad. But I’m so glad that Carlos was able to spend time with his grandfather. If you ever want to talk…let me know.
Kaye

My heart hurt reading this. I could see how all of that would bother you. I think it’s wonderful that you put your feelings aside so much in order to let Carlos have the best possible relationship with him. It’s so … motherly. And grown-up and mature. But motherly is the best word, setting yourself aside to make it as wonderful as possible for Carlos. And solid run week, all things considered — mid-30s miles, even with all that, nothing to sneeze at!