On Vulnerability and Making Real Connections

I feel I’ve mentioned it no less than 20 times in the past month or so, but it still amazes me how we, as a family, have slowly sneaked into a new phase. 5 and 3 years old means busy days but with a more open schedule (and still plenty of whining, but I digress…). Our days are full of activities and conversation with a multitude of friends. I was thinking recently about how this phase differs so much from those first couple of years when cabin fever and loneliness could rear its ugly head thanks to sticking to schedules and working on creating a new part of my identity, as a mom.

The best thing I did during that early mom phase was to reach out and start creating a network of friends and support, even if that meant letting others see the mess (of my house, of my hair, of my emotions on sleepless nights). I fully believe that we as humans are hardwired to need connection. Nowadays we so often sub social media for real connection because it’s easier to scroll insta than to go up and talk to a new person, but social media (while it’s capable of producing real connection; I have friends that are proof of that) is more of an observation than a real connection.

Where is all this coming from? Well, I was inspired by a woman I met only a couple weeks ago. I was sitting a few chairs down and I heard her mention something about homeschool. Looking over, I noticed our kids looked close in age. I couldn’t help myself, so I found a pause in conversation and leaned over to introduce myself, explaining I heard her mention homeschool and we would be starting in the fall. It turns out she’s embarking on her first year of homeschool soon too and our kids are indeed, close in age. It could have all been left here, in this friendly conversation, but instead, excited to connect with other moms that will be in the same boat as me, I asked for her name and number to connect again in the future. In return she asked for my email.

About a week later, I received an Evite from her for a play date with several other local moms, all with kids around the same age and a couple that would be homeschooling too. I feel grateful for this new connection and was impressed with my new friend’s ability to assemble a group of moms and kids and make something happen.

That’s what it takes to create friendships, or any kind of real connection, I’ve learned. It takes someone being bold, reaching out and saying hey, I like you, let’s chat. It is so simple, yet so many moms I’ve talked to stay isolated out of fear of rejection.

I understand the hesitancy. No one wants to feel rejected or hurt; those emotions suck. I’ve gotten some real gems of comments on this blog and emails that, I won’t lie, have really upset me. They are things I’m sure people would never say in person, but many are emboldened behind a keyboard. I also know they probably come from people who are struggling or hurting themselves, so I do my best to morph my hurt into understanding. Sometimes it happens faster than others.

The best advice I ever received as a blogger or honestly just as a person is as cliche as it gets- Be you. If I like who I am (and I do!), then I will be OK showing my goofy, unpolished, big-hearted personality. If someone finds me obnoxious, that’s OK. I don’t have to be liked by everyone (I’m slowly embracing…), but at least if I’m true to who I really am, people will weed themselves out and I’ll be left with those that I truly connect with.

You’ve seen me write stupid things, make more grammatical errors than a journalism grad ever should, endure parenting mistakes, fail in ventures, but that is what has developed our real relationship.

And still with all my mistakes and the occasional hurtful comments, I don’t let myself fixate on those things (for long) because do you know how many friends I’ve made, experiences I’ve had, and things I’ve learned from putting myself out there? There have been far more positives than negatives that have only come by putting myself out there.

In my experience, I’ve found that most other people are looking for connection too, but someone has to be the one to reach out and ask for a name, a number, a play date, a wine night. Be that person.

I feel SO blessed by the friends I have around me and by the connections I’ve made with you online. I’ve bonded with people I never have met in person, yet feel connected enough with to cheer along with their life milestones (babies, moves, etc).

Being vulnerable may mean I risk looking dumb at times and people may mistake my openness for naivety, but I’ll risk it every time because the reward of connection is so worth the price of vulnerability.

“The reward of connection is so worth the price of vulnerability.”

So I guess I just want to encourage you that if you are a new SAHM feeling like you are in a world of isolation, a working mom that wonders how she can connect with others that understand your unique challenges, a non mom that is looking for other non mom friends, and you come across someone that you feel a pull towards, SAY HI. Ask their name, get their number, and reach out. It may feel weird at first but the more you do it, the more comfortable you will be.

I would have missed out on so many friendships and experiences if I would have chosen to not start this blog, say hello to that stranger, or asked to be given a chance.

About Brittany Dixon

Brittany Dixon is a former health coach turned stay at home mom of two girls. Her goal is to share her passion for healthy eating and natural living alongside the daily challenges and triumphs of motherhood. She is excited to step into the world of homeschooling and continue to share her life through recipes, anecdotes and future travels with her family.

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Comments

This post couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. As a newer SAHM it has been hard, lonely and isolating at times. With summer approaching and my son being on summer break from pre-school I decided I needed some connection. After months of talking to myself about going to check out a local at-home moms group I finally got up the courage and went to a meeting yesterday. Yes I felt awkward and nervous being around a bunch of people that already had connections but I was proud I stepped out of my comfort zone. I’m not sure if this will turn into anything but at least it will give me more confidence to keep trying!

Good for you!! That first reach out is by far the hardest. Even if this group doesn’t turn out to be your best friends, it’s a great stepping stone. I’ve gone to a lot of initial meetups as I’ve narrowed down my commitments to the people I connect with the most. Keep it up! The transition into SAHM can be a challenge in so many ways, but finding those connections make it so much easier. Thanks for sharing!

So well said! Reminds me of one of my favorite songs, ordination theme, and continual reminder – “Reach out in the darkness” by Friend and Lover. Google it. You continue to teach by your writings and personal example. Way to go!JOHN J STATHAS recently posted..Your Defense Mechanisms Can Get In the Way: Know Them!

Thanks so much for this post, Brittany! I needed to read this today. Thank you for always being so honest and real. Your authenticity and positive outlook is why I’ve been a follower of your blog for a long time.

I love this post so much, Brittany! As you know we had Chase not long after we moved to a new place and I was determined to meet friends because I knew I would need the connect and support of others, especially without family in the area. Meeting new people and putting myself out there was awkward and uncomfortable at times — just like you said — but so, so worth it. I don’t know what I’d do without my support system here and truly believe having friends around me who completely relate to the challenges (and joys!) of motherhood has made the biggest difference. Finding people who I know won’t judge me, my desperately-in-need-of-a-solid-vacuuming house, my greasy hair, my messy toddler… being myself and letting new people in was worth the initial awkwardness 1,000 times over. Love this post, the quotes you included and YOUR friendship!! xo

I love that you’ve found such a great group of friends (that I can totally vouch for- they’re all such authentic people!). Hooray for the mom tribe! 😉 Like you said, opening up isn’t easy, but it’s totally worth the initial awkwardness. You’re one of the most sincere and kindest people I know and I feel grateful to be your friend!

I could not agree wit this more! I’m normally pretty shy and introverted, but I have made a real effort to put myself out there since becoming a SAHM and have made some great friends. Having these connections has made all the difference!montessoriishmom recently posted..Day in the Life – 7.5 Months

Beautifully written! Your honesty and vulnerability makes it easy for people to connect to you. I loved your quote about “Hurt people, hurt people” and your ability to be understanding concerning this. Continue to be true to yourself! You are a beautiful, loving, and caring young woman!

I rarely comment on the many blogs I enjoy, shame on me – it’s hard work to produce quality content – but this really spoke to me today. It is hard to be a human and being vulnerable is such an admirable quality. I’ve been trying to focus on not being so afraid of rejection – one thing was to start embracing the fact that I’m naturally an enthusiastic person, a quality that is often seen as annoying or dorky. It’s just who I am, and I am not going to view it as a negative quality any more.

Thanks for your insight and your one sided friendship, as I just read what you write 🙂

Picture me bouncing over to you to give you a big hug because from one enthusiastic person to another, I get it. Sometimes I wonder if people are looking at me funny but I just an genuinely excited about life. I worry at times if it’s annoying, but it’s who I am and in my blood. Let’s fly our freak flags together! 😉

Oh and PS- I am totally guilty of reading blogs I love without commenting too, but I will say that I do appreciate the interaction so much as a blogger, so thank you for chiming in!

I literally just watched Brene Brown’s speech on vulnerably last night!! And then I saw your post this morning and couldn’t believe it. Thank you so much for posting this!! I know if it spoke to me, it spoke to others (even if they don’t comment)!

Great post and very timely for me. I love meeting new people, but I’m very shy/introverted so it’s a struggle to be the one to initiate a friendship. We’re a military family so we move a lot, you would think I’d be good at making new friends by now! I also work full time, so I don’t usually feel as connected to the military community as I think I would if I was a SAHM. We’re moving this summer so I’m going to make it a goal to put in the effort to reach out to new people once we get there.

It’s like ripping off a bandaid- best to just go for it! I’ve fallen on my face or awkwardly rambled so many times, but it only gets easier. Good luck on your next move and thank you and your family so much for your service. <3

As an introvert, I struggle so much with making connections. I want friends, but at the same time between working full-time and then parenting in the evenings and on the weekends it feels like I just don’t have the time to commit to a friendship. That sounds so horrible to say. I know I need to find a better balance, but it can be hard for sure.

I don’t think that sounds horrible; just realistic. There have been small stints when life gets so crazy that my friendships slip to the back burner, but I think that’s just life. This season of life is crazy busy! 🙂

Heather that doesn’t sound horrible at all! There was an article floating around the internet that basically said we all only have time to put a lot of effort into two of four important things in our lives: family, work, friends, fitness… Something like that! Of course I’m butchering the whole thing but I think we all often feel like we’re neglecting in SOME area of our lives. You’re definitely not alone!! <3Julie recently posted..Black Bean and Brown Rice Salad

Wonderful post. I always enjoy your writing so much! One of the hardest things for me is to remember that it takes effort not only to make new contacts but to stay in contact when things get busy. You address that so beautifully. Off-topic – Do you plan on doing a post about Father’s Day? I am in need of some inspirations!Erica recently posted..Baby at Two Months

I hadn’t thought much about Father’s Day yet (sorry David! haha) but if I get some inspiration and good ideas, I will certainly pass it along! I always update the frame I made him when Hailey was first born of the girls holding and spelling out I love You, but try to throw something else in too. Now I’m tempted to go pinteresting… 😉

This post hits home on 2 levels. My husband walked up to me at a bar in Denver just a week after I moved there and started a conversation. At the end he asked if I wanted to go skiing with him the next day. Was I nuts? He’s a stranger! But I said yes, and the rest is history. Thank goodness he was so bold!

And during my birthing classes, on the last day, I got up the guts to ask for one of the other girls’ email addresses. We got together for lunch and discovered we both loved to run. 6 years later, we each have 2 kids the same ages (and sex) and have run 6 half marathons together along with hundreds of miles of training. She is now one of my closest friends. So yeah, it takes courage to reach out to a stranger if you feel that “pull.” But so worth it!

I love that story of you and your husband! Sounds like he knew what he wanted 🙂 Such a great testament to being bold. And yes, birthing classes, how did I leave that out?! That’s an awesome place to make friends that will be in the same stage you are. Great point, thank you for adding that!

“Social media is more of an observation than a real connection.” “I do my best to morph my hurt into understanding.” Great quotables and great wisdom, Brittany. I really like this post and how you are living–open and bold and loving. Thanks for encouraging authenticity and courage…and reading! Brené Brown’s work is practical and can be life-changing.

This is a great reminder for someone like me. While not a SAHM, I am a single mom and I do work from home AND an introvert on top of it. I’ve never been successful at making or keeping friends, and that hasn’t bothered me to much in the past. My daughter on the other hand is a social butterfly that I really want to nurture and encourage so I’ve forced myself WAY OUT of my comfort zone and introduced myself to a few of the parents whose children are friends with my daughter. I’ve been shot down and even ignored (literally turned their back on me and all) but a couple have accepted my offer of friendship and for those, I’m excited about.

Such a wonderful, thoughtful post. I had a very hard time meeting new friends when I had my first and became a SAHM. Almost everyone I met went back to work after the first year (we get a year of maternity leave in Canada). It wasn’t until we started exploring homeschooling and I started to attend homeschool activities when my daughter was 3 that I finally met a few women who are now an invaluable part of my life. Looking back on it, those first few years were incredibly lonely and isolating, especially since we were in a new city. I have never had the easiest time making new friends as an introvert, and it was hard for me to put myself out there, but ultimately, so worth it. I was doubtful about homeschooling until I finally decided to jump in and completely immerse ourselves in the community. I had my second baby last year and having these other moms in my life has made the experience so much easier this time around.

Thanks, Brittany! It’s always a good reminder and motivational to keep pushing on. We moved to LKN from NJ 3.5 years ago, and I’m still trying to find friends down here. Working from home and being a mama to 2 little ones means I don’t get out much, and the times I’ve put myself out there haven’t panned out apparently. I’ll keep on though!

Oh I hate to hear that because I feel like this area is crawling with moms looking for friends! Have you hit up library story times? Discovery Place Kids? Keep putting yourself out there; I’ve met so many nice people in our area! Maybe I’ll see you out and about one day! 🙂

I’m so happy you are vulnerable and put yourself out there – or else, I wouldn’t have “met” you 🙂 I think the best thing about being in our 30’s so far has been that we truly do start to own who we are. That doesn’t mean that we don’t get hurt feelings from time to time, but it does come with confidence that I know I lacked at 22.

Being lonely and feeling isolated is my biggest fear when it comes to being a SAHM. I am very introverted, but I think you’re right; we all need some form of human interaction each day. My plan is to get out there and go to the places that most moms hang out at; the local kid-friendly brunch place, the park, and Little Gym. I am super shy in person, but I need to get over that. My boss she said made a mom friend when they starting chatting about their stroller at the grocery store (one of many things they had in common).

I was thinking of YOU when I wrote about being happy for people I’ve never met and their babies, LOL 😉

And yes, get out with the baby, not only for your sanity, but it’s also the best time to make friends because everyone is looking for connection and camaraderie over sleepless nights. I met one of my close friends in the grocery store, bonding over Smart Chicken that had gone on sale- ha!

This is a new lesson in my life right now as well. Now that I live in an apartment minutes away from campus, I no longer have the ease of my friends living two feet away from me. Now, I must remain intentional with the friendships I care about. It’s forced to me grow some courage and take new steps toward better communication, but I feel all the better for it!

I actually just read Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly book. AMAZING read. 10/10 would recommend. Especially if you’re interested in this topic right now!Julia recently posted..I become mean when I’m unhappy with myself.

So…this post was thought provoking for me. Here’s a non-Mom comment. I agree – being the bold one is so scary sometimes though! I introduced myself to you in IKEA and didn’t even mention my name until you asked (duh!!!!) because I was so nervous! (I mean at 33 with a professional career in which I talk a lot…you think I’d be perfectly fine introducing myself!!) I walked away and my fiancé actually asked me what had just happened to my ability to speak!! I wish I was so much better at it…I’m sure I’d have a lot more girlfriends in Charlotte if I was a bit more bold. I guess like you said, I just am afraid of being up for rejection…or will new friends stand up to my best (out of town) friends…and all of the other fears that vulnerability brings up.

Oh Kate, if we would have chatted for 1 more minute, I have no doubt I would have said something completely nerdy that would have put you at total ease! Or make you wonder about me, haha. 😉 I’m so glad you said hi and though I know our interaction was short, you seemed so kind and personable. I’m sure you aren’t giving yourself enough credit for how easily you could make friends. As for one thing you mentioned, in town versus out of town friends, I’m still close with my group of girlfriends from college and no one could replace the memories and relationships I have with them, but I have found some seriously incredible women that are funny, smart, supportive and just fun to be around that I would have hated to miss out on. Hope to run into you again sometime!! 🙂

I love this post so much!! I’m an outgoing person and sometimes my friends or hubby laugh at me because I’ve never met a stranger but that’s to being that way I’ve become friends with people who I never would have had I not reached out and those people have become some of my closest friends. Being a sahm is difficult and unless you are one you just don’t get it so I had to make friends with other sahm’s so I’d have a group of people who get me. All of me. And of course my outgoing personality is what let me to stop you in Hobby Lobby that day in November. Ha ha!

Love this post! As a working mom, life gets so busy sometimes. I actually feel like I have done a great job maintaining my pre-baby friends, but I definitely have not made as many mom friends as I would like. It sounds crazy, but sometimes I get a little envious of the stay at home moms in my neighborhood. Then get to do so much more together, and I feel like the interloper when I show up on he weekends. I know this is MY issue and I need to just get over it, but it’s so tough sometimes! It’s nice to know everyone has issues like this.

I do believe that He speaks to us in small ways! This blog post was like a big hug for me! Came just at the right time – and as always, your courage and honesty, gets me all the time! I am such an introvert but community is so important to me. When i moved to charlotte me and Pablo had no one- I remember how it felt not knowing anyone- and I dont want that for others, so I am constantlt trying to get people plugged in- even if they dont connect with me- they will with someone else! Relationships are so tricky- i am in that stage where my life feels like a mess (toddler Josefina is almost 2 and Im 8 weeks with baby #2) and i just want to surround myself with good people and i love reading from your prespective on the other side of it! Anyways- loveeeeeed this so much!

What a great post!! I have 3 little girls (4, 2 and 4 months) very little extra time but I really feel like if I had more mom friends who are going through the same season of life as me that it would be so refreshing! We are moving to a new home and community in a few weeks and this is my goal. Im finally at a Point where the craving for other Mom friends outweighs my fear of rejection (finally) Thanks for sharing this!!

I completely agree with everything you said. Having moved from NY to Fl this past year I left behind my entire network of friends. I completely became introverted and afraid to put myself out there and meet people. I get nervous about saying the wrong thing or offending people, so I tend to be on my best behavior and not really be myself. However, now that we’re moving again to NC and having three little ones, I’m determined to make some new friends and hopefully give my children the opportunity to make new friends by enrolling my girls into dance or a sport, and taking my son to more library classes.

I love this post. It so true so many times I have felt a connection but to scared to go that extra step. My 3 year old is bolder in that department than I am. I’ve made 2 really close friends because of her introducing us. Both times we were at speech therapy waiting for my 5 year old and her toy rolled under another mom she looked my direccion for approval and there she goes full of confidence. Hi I’m Sadie my toys is under you. What’s your name. She encourages me to be bolder .

I just want to THANK YOU for this article. I have been a stay at home mom for almost a year now, and the first several months were H-A-R-D. I didn’t have any local mom friends and struggle with anxiety around groups of people, so it was hard for me to feel comfortable and make real connections at some of these mom groups. Well, 11 months later and I have kept going back to the groups and have made a couple good friends, but it was definitely harder for me than I thought it would be pre-baby! So, this morning I went to the park really early and another mom happened to be there. Normally I would keep to myself and assume she wouldn’t want me bothering her, but I immediately thought of your article and we ended up having a really fun impromptu playdate, I asked for her #, and we are meeting again next week! The fear of rejection is always there, and no one wants to feel ridiculous, but I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and gave it a shot! Thank you SO much for the honest and encouraging article!

Lauren, this makes me so happy!! I have met some amazing moms at the playground. I know it’s not easy to initiate, so you should definitely high five yourself for stepping up the challenge. So glad you’ve got a new friend in your arsenal. We certainly need it as moms! #camaraderie 😉

Thanks for this! I am a work-from-home-mom and a lot of days, I feel like it’s the worst of both worlds. I work full-time, but without the socialization of coworkers and the satisfaction of uninterrupted work time. I’m at home with my 9 month old, but without the flexibility to have playdates. Occasionally, I can sneak away, depending on my work load. But it is very isolating and lonely. I do go to BBC in Mooresville 3-4 time per week and I love that hour. But I haven’t made any real friends there. I need to put myself out there more! Thanks for the inspiration.

I feel like work at home mom has to be one of the toughest combos, so way to rock that Brooke! I hate the isolation you feel because of it though. What class time do you hit up at BBC? Definitely strike up a conversation (we can all bond and lament over Daniel’s tough workouts, right?! ;)) because I’ve found everyone I’ve talked to is super friendly!

This could not have come at a better time! I just had my first baby and the thought of a long summer of maternity leave (and everything after that) is feeling a little isolating. None of my friends have kids and I would love some friends in the same boat as me, but I’m definitely a shy person by nature. This is a great reminder to step out of my comfort zone and risk being vulnerable. If I can make one or two really good friends, it’ll be worth looking dumb a few dozen times.

Girl, yes! Since having kids, I’ve made an effort to step out of my introverted shell and try to socialize more and engage with others to show my kids its a-okay to do so. In the last few months especially, I finally stepped out from behind fb boards of mom groups and went out to meet people in person. Now I’ve found awesome running and workout buddies through No Excuse Moms and Moms Run This Town that get me out there doing long distance runs on the weekend that I would shy away from otherwise. Gotta build that tribe!

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Hi, I’m Brittany! I'm a former health coach turned homeschooling, work-at-home mom to two energetic girls. A Healthy Slice of Life is a place where I share how we live our best lives through the lens of food, family, and travel while hopefully inspiring you to do the same. I'm so glad you're here!

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