Greg Tuculescu: Good job Todd.
Greg Tuculescu: Hi, i'm Jonathan Brakel from Comcast.
Greg Tuculescu: We read your comments, and complaints, and
We know that a lot of you are very nervous
Greg Tuculescu: about our merger with Time Warner Cable.
Greg Tuculescu: So, I wanted to talk to you today, and let you know no
matter what happens,
Greg Tuculescu: we don't give a fuck about you.
Greg Tuculescu: Whether you're calling in for a service appointment, for
your cable box, or wondering why your favorite
Greg Tuculescu: channel disappeared, we don't give a fuck.
Greg Tuculescu: That's what makes us an industry leader in
terrible customer service.
Greg Tuculescu: We don't give a fuck, because we don't have to.
Greg Tuculescu: What? Are you going to go to another
cable service provider? [ laughs ]
Greg Tuculescu: Chances are we own whatever movie or network you're watching.
So that's still money in our pocket.
Greg Tuculescu: Of course you could watch Netflix, or Hulu.
in fact you should.
Greg Tuculescu: We own Hulu. We also make Netflix pay
us extra for streaming content,
Greg Tuculescu: which means they'll probably pass those
costs on to you.
Greg Tuculescu: Bottom line,
fuck you!
Greg Tuculescu: From the people who answer our phones
to the people who write our TV shows
Greg Tuculescu: we do not give a fuck.
Greg Tuculescu: We collect labor violations, and lawsuits
the way fat kids collect cookies.
Greg Tuculescu: Seriously, Google it.
Greg Tuculescu: They don't call us the Walmart of telecom,
because we smell like rats and pizza.
Greg Tuculescu: They call us that, because we don't
give a fuck about you.
Greg Tuculescu: I know a big merger like this can be confusing,
but all you really need to know is
Greg Tuculescu: this is who we give a fuck about, and this is who
we don't give a fuck about,
Greg Tuculescu: and you.
Greg Tuculescu: So thank you for choosing Comcast.
Greg Tuculescu: You don't have a choice.
Greg Tuculescu: Hey America...go fuck yourselves.
(Funny or Die Ending jingle)