Monday, April 14, 2014

Who Wants To Be Normal Anyway?

"Normal? I'm not normal. I sniff my food before I eat it. I chew the inside of my cheek. I'm 31 and I still watch Teen Mom. I wouldn't say I'm normal," I answered.

Tommy has Aspergers. Life can be a struggle for him. But I never want him to feel different. Still, he's been asking what it's like to be normal often. But what's normal anyway? Normal is boring, I think. And I told Tommy this.

He shrugged. "It just must be nice to know what to say to people. To not feel....different."

Yes, my heart broke. My boy! My precious boy!

"Honestly Tommy, I don't always know what to say to people. And sometimes I do feel different. A lot of the other mothers around me love crafting and wearing cute shoes. You know disaster happens when I craft and I'm perfectly fine wearing my Sketchers everywhere," I explained.

My son, he doesn't talk much at school. He doesn't really have friends. No one is mean to him, thank goodness, but I wish he had someone. I'm there for him, always, but sometimes a boy wants a friend.

I've told Tommy many times that I think everyone has a piece of autism in them. We all have our quirks. When I was little, I couldn't wear turtleneck shirts or jeans. I felt like I couldn't breathe in them. It's tough for me to look people in the eye even to this day. I can be socially awkward. Sometimes I try to be silly, and I'm given this Look....

So on that day when Tommy asked what it was like to be normal? I also said, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

"What?" Tommy scowled.

"It's from The Help. But just know you are a great person. Your teachers always marvel on how well behaved you are. There are kids who don't have autism who are always getting in trouble. You aren't like that. Don't ever let having autism hold you back. Nothing can hold you back," I said passionately.

"I won't." Tommy looked around. "Are we done? I sort of want to play Mario..."

And really, what is the definition of "normal"? Everyone is weird and quirky in their own way (as you point out). What really matters is the type of person you are, and it sounds like Tommy has a great heart. That's all that matters :)

I have this same conversation with my girls. Emmy has always felt weird because of her dyslexia. I have always told them, its more fun to be unique than be like everyone else. That is boring. I would rather be the bright pink in a grey world.

Wise words, Mom!!! I cried reading this - I have stressed for my oldest son (the freshman) because he is so quiet (which is fine) as long as he has a few friends.As he gets older, Tommy will find the couple of friends who will stick by him no matter what!

I've learned more about Aspergers/autism through your blog and reading about your son. It's awesome you have a platform on here to just educate people about it by just writing about your day to day life with Tommy. Just thought you should know that it's wonderful to see what an awesome kid he is.

Ahw! It may be these post partum hormones (I just had a baby) but I was deathly close to bursting into tears while reading this!! I think that quote from the help fits your son perfectly!! Kind! Smart! Important!!-Marleyhttp://www.afandlove.blogspot.com/

ugh, these conversations are like a sucker punch to the gut, aren't they? for my son, it was bullies - which I don't care if they existed in my day too: it's not normal to torment and tease another person. My heart sunk to the pit of my....feet, when my son said one day "being right is lonely," because he wouldn't join in on some trouble with those boys.yep, it is. Wish I could tell you something more inspiring - it is hard, and it can be lonely. but it is better in the long run. Because...it's You. Just be you, and I think everything else will fall into place eventually.

I watch Parenthood and I'm not sure how accurate Max's portrayal of Aspergers is, but I do know that one of the recent episodes I watched had me bawling. Max went on a school trip without his parents for the first time. A kid peed in his canteen and he freaked out a bit... understandably. His parents had to come get him and on the ride home he basically said that he knew Aspergers made him special and smart, but he didn't like being a freak. Everyone called him a freak. His mom crawled in the backseat and he kept saying, "I don't want to talk about it. I don't like being hugged." And she hugged him anyway. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. Your entry kind of made me think of that.

So true that everyone has their quirks! I can't walk on sidewalk grates (afraid to fall in), I blink TOO MUCH, and I rub my nose so hard, my hubs thinks it's going to fall off. I know your son knows you think the world of him!!!!! And I hope he finds that one friend he can confide in. We all hope that for our children.

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