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Being Resilient Seems of the Time

I’m not sure if it’s my current state of being, my generation, or the Zeitgeist tapping into our collective consciousness, because a curiosity around “resilience” just keeps coming up for me.

Being resilient as a human being, as a citizen, as a community builder and a facilitator helping others find their own resilience, I personally feel a need to dig a little deeper into what it means to be resilient and consider how one might develop the capacity.

I feel blessed, as the worldviews of Appreciative Inquiry (AI) and Open Space inform who I am and what I do. The Principles of Appreciative Inquiry and the science of positive emotions help to reframe many problems into opportunities and roadblocks into possibilities. Open Space helps us make sense of complexity and chaos, knowing that all systems are self-organizing and out of chaos order emerges.

Paradoxes Keep us Vigilant and Open to Learning

We are living in transformational times. We’re continuously developing as human beings and our consciousness is also evolving to ever higher spheres. While history is witness to such progress, so does it also remind us that contradictions are ever present. The paradoxes serve to keep us vigilant and open to learning. Even though violence and suffering confront us in the world, our capacity to focus on possibilities and hope is equally available.

I remember as a student at Sydney University studying Marxism and Feminism in my Philosophy class, I went to my tutor deeply deeply conflicted because I truly appreciated the worldviews of these two “… isms” in my life, and, at the same time, I really enjoyed my capitalist lifestyle, wearing makeup and a bra. My tutor counseled me: being aware of the contradictions was what mattered. What decisions I make and actions I take is on me.

Overcoming Adversity

When faced with challenges, whether through personal loss, tragedy, illness or environmental factors, most of us, of healthy mind, find ways to recover and move on. We can find inspiration in the stories of others overcoming adversity to find joy, satisfaction and meaning in life despite incredible odds. You may be aware of inspiring individuals in your own circles; and there are well-known public figures, for example, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Franklin Roosevelt, Viktor Frankl, whose stories of overcoming adversity show how being resilient has been a strong factor in their flourishing.

Appreciative Inquiry Interview on “Being Resilient”

Unfortunately, we see in our neighborhoods, or on our screens conflicts, injustices, devastation, waste, and suffering that still exist in our worlds, and at the same time we see evidence of people rebuilding their lives, taking actions, forgiving, healing, rising strong with love and hope, seeing beyond the fear and despair. [As a side, if the topic restorative narratives interests you, please take a take a look and listen to this episode of Positivity Strategist Podcast, with Roberta Baskin. You'll find a number of online media that focus on restorative narratives to shine the light on how even in pain and suffering, there are many more beautiful stories of hope and resilience and possibility].

To experience an Appreciative Inquiry Interview on the topic of Being Resilient, open the Positivity Lens Reveal below to download the PDF.

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You will reconnect with a time when you experienced being resilient or witnessed resilience in another. In acknowledging your own experiences, you will find strengths that will help you recognise what capacities and resources you have that will support you to build resilience for any potential set-backs.

Eleven Posts On Being Resilient

As I reflected on the quality of being resilient, I did a little research. Then I decided to share these links, with a quote from each, rather than try to summarize. May they serve you well.

What is Resilience on the American Psychological Association: “Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.”

The Road to Resilience published by the American Psychological Association : “Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience.”

Building Resilience by Martin Seligman on Harvard Business Review: “We discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable. (“It’s going away quickly; it’s just this one situation, and I can do something about it.”)

Measuring Resilience: A Review of 3 Scales on Positive Psychology Program: “It is important to note that most resilience measures have been developed, researched and used in the West and when the scales are applied to the non-western population, validity and reliability issues arise.”

The Five Best Was to Build Resiliency by Jessie Sholl on Experience Life: “…receiving and appreciating kindness from others may be just as important as offering it up, because gratitude turns out to be an important part of resiliency…”

Five Science-backed Ways to Build Resilience by Kira M. Newman on Greater Good: “Even for the relatively self-aware and emotionally adept, struggles can take us by surprise. But learning healthy ways to move through adversity—a collection of skills that researchers call resilience—can help us cope better and recover more quickly, or at least start heading in that direction.”

How to Develop your Resilience on WikiHow to do anything: “Increasing your resilience can be attained by coping healthfully with difficult emotions and situations, engaging in resilient actions, thinking resiliently, and maintaining your resilience in the long-term.”

Resilience at Work by Barry Winbolt: “The key here is that resilience is not a passive quality, but an active process. How we approach life, and everything it can throw at us, has a massive impact on our experience.”

Inspiring Stories of Resilience by Chris Johnstone on Positive.News: “What is it that helps resilience happen? For each person there may be choices they make, resources they turn to, strengths they draw upon or insights they apply.”

I'd love for you to share your story or thoughts on the topic of “being resilient” in the comments section below.

Episode Summary for 7 Positive Relationship Tips

My guest on Positivity Strategist is Dr Judy Krings, a personal and professional positive psychology life coach, clinical psychologist and positivity coach trainer. We talk about revving up resilience in relationships, which is the focus of her latest book, Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience: 7 Positive Psychology Tips to Make Love Last. It’s a gorgeous book in all ways: beautiful to look out with heart-felt language and valuable messages. It contains 140 positive tips and strategies and 70 personal beautiful photographs. This book, like Judy exudes warmth, love, experiences and expertise.

Episode Introduction

Dr.Judy Krings is a particularly warm person. She’s founder of Coaching Positivity, LLC, a coaching business centered around helping successful people become even more successful.

Judy’s professional and personal story is amazing. She’s a truly gifted, tireless learner and hugely experienced, having sat of the feet of great masters to become one herself. We share many of the same heros in this field of positive psychology and she is most definitely one of mine.

In this episode, we talk about revving up resilience in relationships, which is the focus of her latest book, Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience: 7 Positive Psychology Tips to Make Love Last. It’s a gorgeous book in all ways. It’s beautiful to look at with heart-felt language and valuable messages. It contains 140 positive tips and strategies and 70 of her personal beautiful photographs.

POSITIVITY LENS REVEAL

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Become A Positivity Coach By Hiring One

When Judy’s husband’s health required they move to a warmer client, Judy had to think about how to make it also work for her professionally. She had a thriving clinical psychology practice in Wisconsin. With perseverance as one of her signature character strengths, (a detail she found out later after she’d started on the road to positivity), Judy hired a coach to help her make the transition.

Inspired by her new coach, Judy was soon in contact with Dr. Ben Dean, founder of Mentor Coach and was embarking on the certifications she needed to shift from her professional practice to being a coach. And she now teaches a course in Positive Psychology Coaching at Mentor Coach. (All links available at the end of the show notes.)

Intuitive Knowing

Once Judy started to learn more about positive psychology from the scientists, the academics and practitioners in the field, she realized, she was already wired this way. All along in her clinical practice, she’d had a bias toward viewing and treating her patients through the life- affirming lens of positive psychology that focused on wellness and flourishing.

What Is Positivity

Judy describes ‘positivity’ as how to bring greater flourishing in your life, how to have more well-being, being ever mindful of living your best self life everyday and being more resilient.

Character Strengths

In this episode, we engage in a lively exchange about the value of the survey VIA Character Strengths (Virtues in Action.) We both use this survey in our work. It identifies a person’s top 24 character strengths. We laugh at how we were both stunned when we learnt of our own signature character strengths. Having such knowledge has made such a huge, positive impact in how we live our lives with and ever deepening appreciation for who we are.

Happiest People In The World

Listen in to learn what are the top seven character strengths of the happiest people in the world.

Good relationships are a foundation to happiness. Happiness is also a key to people living longer and being able to express themselves more easily.

People will say “When I’m successful, I’ll be happy.” When in fact, it’s the other way round. Happiness makes us more successful in our daily lives.

Book: Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience

In September 2014, Judy was delighted to be a keynote speaker in New Delhi, India, at the 3rd International Conference on Psychology and Allied Sciences. She was asked to speak on positive psychology, with a special focus on relationships.

The book is a real gift and guide for any relationship, and even though its title suggests intimate relationships, it’s applicable to all relationships, as love is a universal value.

The wisdom and practical guidance in this book serves to strengthen or improve existing relationships and even find and develop new relationships. Let’s face it, every relationship needs a little polishing from time to time.

Positivity Strategies Based On Science

Whatever the state of your relationship, there are strategies and practices that are fun and doable, and, based on science that absolutely build resilience. You learn new ideas and practices that will enliven and delight you and your partner. In addition, the book is a most wonderful resource, because Judy provides all the links and references to the science so you can do your own research, if that’s what excites you.

Seven Areas Of Application For Your Relationship Adventure

Listen in to Judy as she speaks to each of the seven areas of application to strengthen your relationship resilience. In our conversation, we offer a number of examples and share personal stories. Remember, doing this with your partner the goal. It’s about growing the “we” over the “me.”

Strengths – know your own and your partners. The VIA survey is highly recommended. Knowing and living to your strengths is a key to happiness.

Savoring – learn how to savor life, using all five senses to experience the fabulousness of life; positive reminiscing counts.

Vision – know what you want and what your partner wants in life – support each other for your individual goals and work together on the shared goals; work towards them while valuing the single moments on the way

Flow or meaning – experience deep enjoyment through focusing attention intently – learn what it is you can both get lost in and things you enjoy doing, so you lose track of time

Communication and grit – a big, broad area to focus on that includes verbals and non-verbals, emotions, attitudes, values – anything that transmits purpose, passion and meaning. In building resilient relationships, always make your communication a move toward each other, not away

Gratitude – the more you practice gratitude, the stronger and easier it gets. You can never tell your partner enough for what you are grateful.

Fun – you’ve got to have fun in your relationship; build in the time to lighten up and play together; hard work and no play makes us dull, remember?

The golden thread that weaves these areas of application together is knowing what each means to you and how you manifest them in your life, what each means to your partner and how they are manifested, and then what they mean to your most treasured relationship and how you manifest them together.

Relationships Are Like A Kaleidoscope

Life is about how we look at it. Judy uses the vivid metaphor of a kaleidoscope. Twist it and you see all the different colors and changing patterns. Life and relationships are like that. The deeper your appreciation for all the nuances and subtleties, the deeper your appreciation for yourself and others. You will love yourself more and you will love others more as well.