5 Tips for Parenting a Child With ADHD

Thinking back to a quote from George Orwell’s Animal Farm, I sometimes tell parents of a child with ADHD: “All children are created equal, but some children are more equal than others.” I am referring to the fact that some parents get to sail through life raising a child who is an easy baby who sleeps and eats well. Some of those children go on to be very easy to raise and require minimal parenting. These children often grow up to be successful, competent and wonderful family members.

Then there are the children who hit the world screaming and yelling, with lots of problems in the newborn period. They are not sleepers. They often have feeding problems. They are in crisis mode from the get-go. These kids are incredibly hard to parent. In fact, no matter what is done to try to control the situation of parenting, it always seems as if the child is in control. Most of the time, that concept is the truth. A child with ADHD may be the controlling aspect of the parent-child bond from day one. So what to do?

I cannot stress enough that a parent with a child who has ADHD must get help, whether from counseling, parenting classes, or ADHD support groups. The help should not come from the parent’s parent or grandparents. That source of help is always going to be ready and available to tell you what to do or exactly what you have done wrong. My best advice is not to listen to family members unless the family is telling you to get professional help. The technique of parenting a difficult child is much different than random parenting — and the rewards and sense of control can be so crucial to the well-being of the child and the entire family.

Try these helpful techniques:

1. Educate yourself about ADHD. Become familiar with the traits of ADHD. Once you understand the complexity of the personality of one with ADHD, you will be more capable of parenting a child with the condition.

2. Build positive self-esteem in your child. Stay away from constantly criticizing your child, or saying such statements as “No,” “ Stop that,” “Don’t,” “You’re being bad,” “You are stupid!” If you find yourself continually being negative in your speech or attitude about your child, your child’s self-confidence has nowhere to go except down. Identify the behavior you want to correct and point the behavior out to the child. For example, you might say “You are being hyper. Calm your body down.” Other examples are “That was an impulsive act. You are not thinking of the consequences of your action. Please stop.” “You are denying your mistake and blaming another.” Try to separate your child’s “goodness” or “badness” from the action he or she is performing. This allows the child to develop awareness that the action is unacceptable, rather than the child is “unacceptable”.

3. Do not set up your child to fail. Avoid putting your child in a situation that he or she can’t handle. For example, avoid restaurants with long waits, or adult gatherings where a child should remain quiet. Sitting still, being quiet, waiting a turn is something that a child with ADHD will take time to develop. If the child is not to the point of having the kind of control needed for an event or experience, avoid taking the child into that situation whenever possible.

4. Be your child’s advocate. A child with ADHD will encounter many negative experiences where others react adversely to the child. Other children will get aggravated or annoyed with the ADHD child. Teachers will be impatient and continually correct the child. If the parent is not giving the child the sense of love, acceptance, guidance and compassion, then understandably no one will be doing so. As hard as it may be sometimes, the parent should be the biggest fan of the child.

5. Give the child the opportunity to shine. Help the child find one thing she is good at. Support the child and help facilitate the skill to become a passion. The skill could be in music, sports, art, cooking, building, etc. Paying careful attention to the child will give clues to her likes and interests, and will lead to the development of pleasure and passion that can be present the rest of the child’s life.

With some parenting skills, good ideas and lots of love, parenting children with ADHD can be successful and rewarding. Let me know about your experience.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Donna Krutka, MD

Dr. Krutka is a board-certified pediatrician who works in private practice in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her practice includes all ages of patients from newborns to young adults. Her areas of interest include attention...read more