In Rio itself, the muggings continue. And a disgusting thing called ‘gastrointestinal grift’. That’s where a con artist vomits on you and uses the distraction to steal your stuff. And that’s how Chinese hurdler Shi Dongpeng lost his luggage in his Rio hotel lobby.

One Kiwi sub-editor got a little carried with this story, plastering it with the headline: HEINOUS HURLING HEIST HORRIFIES HAPLESS HURDLER.

At the Olympic village, the Aussie team was down two laptops and a few team shirts after some enterprising thieves took advantage of a fire evacuation.

Now chef de mission Kitty Chiller, or Mr Bigglesworth as I prefer to call her, is on the warpath over silent fire alarms and building workers who smoke on the job in the non-smoking village. I bet she was such a dobber at school.

The world’s athletes have also had to come to terms with the revelation that they can’t access Pokemon Go. The horror, the horror. Perhaps someone can remind them why they’re in Rio.

Or they could chat to Japanese gymnast Kohei Uchimura, who has somehow found a way around the problem — and racked up $8000 in data roaming charges.

One of the most entertaining things about the Sochi Olympics was a Twitter hashtag called #SochiProblems, which parodied the shoddier Games preparations.

Rio has been similarly ripe for the picking and it’s our own Aussie basketball Andrew Bogut who’s stepped up to the free throw line with the hashtag #IOCLuxuryLodging.

With fresh concerns about the water quality in Guanabara Bay — which is literally crap — Mr Bigglesworth has revealed the Aussies have had ‘very strict health and hygiene protocols for all water-based sports for several years now.’

Those protocols include “A – trying not to fall out of the boat. B – if they do fall out of the boat, to keep their mouth closed,” she said. Simple really.

Meanwhile, the main ramp used to launch boats at the sailing venue has fallen into the sea after being hit with some wind and waves. Wind and waves at the sailing — who could have foreseen such a thing?

A ramp built for competitors’ boats to reach the water hangs after collapsing at the Marina da Gloria sailing venue just days before the start of the Rio 2016 Olympic Gamesin Rio de Janeiro, Brazil July 31, 2016. REUTERS/Pilar Olivares