getting fit, living a life of purpose and lamenting life in general

Haha this post title is a bit misleading but I did realize that somewhere in my head, I always had this idea that if Jillian and I occupied the same space, some cosmic explosion would occur. Turns out I was wrong. (Maybe its because we didnt actually meet and shake hands or hug…..) 😉 kidding!!

On a serious note though, I attended Jillian’s “Maximize your life” tour last night and her talk was fantastic. Direct, concise, sometimes harsh but definitely inspiring, as you would expect, if you know anything about her. I did feel that a recap of information at the end would have been useful for many in the audience.

Because of my weightloss success this week, I am already super motivated and now I have a few more tools to move forward with.

I am currently tracking yesterday’s foods, and I had a bit of an epiphany. I was allowing myself a less strict day and I found I was still making MOSTLY good choices while allowing myself some leeway. ****Is this what balance feels like???**** Maybe, but I still overate by an entire days’ worth of calories. So, I didn’t do great, but hey — its not like I ate back the full five and a half pounds i lost last week. Just half a pound.

Today, I am back to my [now] regularly scheduled program. I am doing food prep this afternoon and planning my week ahead in food and workouts.WHO AM I?!?!? LOLOLOL I seriously ask myself this question almost daily now. This time just Really. Feels. Different.

As mentioned above, I lost 5.5lbs (2.5kgs) after just four (4) days of eating right last week. I was up 2lbs this morning, after yesterday’s relaxed eating day but I am not remotely discouraged. In fact I am quite pleased with my mental state around all of this. I CAN do this and, even more so than that, I AM.

Today is Day 2 of following my macros (proteins, carbs and fats) as set out for me by Kori from The Diet Doc when I started working with her last April.

Yes, it’s been a full year and I’m still just trying to figure out how this stuff works, and you know what? That’s okay.

It’s okay…..

……that I have fluctuated in the same 10-pound range for the past two years, because, hey – I didn’t go up further than that, for one thing, and, for another, I guess I know how to maintain, amiright?

……that it’s taken me this long to figure out that if I can have 2 or 3 days of really great eating, staying within my macro ranges and still liking the food that I eat, then I can just keep repeating those days (on paper that is. It’s not like I think I can travel back in time….I don’t watch THAT much Doctor Who) and continue having good results!

……because what I have discovered is that I seem to need time to absorb all the information and then figure out how to make it work within my life.

This week….I don’t know. Something changed inside me. It’s as though a toggle switch was turned to “ON” and I think I may have actually heard the “DING!” (might have been my phone. don’t judge me.) I got home from Easter weekend with my parents and was feeling craptastic, overloaded on sugar and craving more of it, making poor decisions like “Oh, for sure I should have Taco Time for lunch! With cheese sauce for my deep-fried mexifries*? Of course!”

*mexifries are like tater tots

Instead of dwelling on all the things I was doing wrong, I decided to focus on what I was doing right and what I was going to do, this week(!) right now(!), to minimize/rectify the damage I may have caused.

So I made an actual list:

On Tuesday, when I was back at work and had access** to my nutrition log again , I found a couple of “perfect” days*, printed them off and decided to start planning my eating around those meals. The result? I am down THREE POUNDS in two days.

* A “perfect” day is one where I ate perfectly all day but still felt full, had energy and wasn’t dying from a lack-of-carbs headache.

**update: since writing this, I finally uploaded this to my Google drive so I have access from anywhere. Thanks Google!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, it’s probably just water weight. But I really don’t care. I have finally figured out how to do this and not feel like I’m depriving myself, or like I’m not sure what to eat, etc.

I have figured out that if I don’t have it written down/haven’t already planned for it, that I probably can’t eat it, because when I guesstimate, I am SO VERY WRONG. (example: Tuesday wasn’t planned out and I ended up overeating by around 580 calories (which consisted of 23g of Protein, 80g Carbs, 28g Fat). However, I had a great workout Tuesday night, burning around 700 calories, so I think things probably “came out in the wash”, as it were).

I am learning and that’s the biggest thing for me.

As long as I’m progressing, learning every day, I can’t fault myself.

I will take every 1/2 pound lost as a victory and just keep working towards my goals.

If I’m down 3lbs after just two days of being strict, just imagine where I will be 9 weeks from now when I leave for Puerto Plata, Dominican!

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“Thank Rod?! Who is Rod?? That must be a typo” I can hear you thinking to yourself. But, no, it’s not a typo. “Rod” is in reference to Rod Denham, which is what my phone’s talk-to-type feature decided I meant when I said “gawd dammit” during a text conversation about my car breaking down. As in “Rod Denham!! My car died!!”

I figure it’ll catch on. In the meantime…..Thank Rod It’s Friday!

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A local radio personality, Lori Gibbs, has a blog in which she is documenting her own weightloss journey, and in a comment I made on her post yesterday, I referred to the “glory that is my own sweat ring” at the gym, to which she replied it should be the title of a graphic novel, if not a feature film. I tend to agree. But, I figure a blog post is sufficient. (Hey! I never claimed to be an overachiever)

So, let’s get down to brass tacks here. I LOVE to sweat. I can’t stand cardio, for some reason, but I really enjoy the sweat I can get going and the benefits are hella worth it. It means I’m burning excess fat, clearing my body of toxins and excess water and releasing stress.

Dive, duck, dip, dive and DODGE!!

Oh, and to the people who see that sweat line under my boobs and wrinkle their nose in disgust……just be thankful that I am not pushing your face into a puddle of it.

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My motto for 2013, as you likely know/may have guessed is “Flat Abs, Fat Wallet” and so far, I’ve been really focused on the exercise portion of the Flat Abs, but don’t have my food under control, and I hadn’t done a damn thing about the Fat Wallet part. Until today.

It all boils down to self-control. Actually, what it all boils down to is a lack of self-control — in my financial life AND in my kitchen. I got fat because I didn’t control what I put in my face and I got into debt/am always broke because I don’t control my spending. Well NO MORE OF THAT. I am done with my old ways, and I’m deadly serious about it.

Self–control is the ability to control one’s emotions, behavior, and desires in order to obtain some reward, or avoid some punishment.

Here are the changes I’m making to my life to take control of the situation:

1. I am eliminating overdraft.

When I first opened my account with my credit union, they convinced me to take a $500 overdraft. “You don’t have to use it” they said. “It’ll just be there for emergencies” they said. They obviously didn’t know that I can justify eating Subway for lunch 3 days/week as an “emergency”. I got myself into this vicious cycle of using the entire $500 every paycheque. Read that again: every. paycheque.

It wasn’t always intentional, and believe me: Every single pay period, I would tell myself “I’m not going to use my overdraft”. And every single pay period, I would manage to get into a situation where I “needed” to use it and then *shrug* well, I was already into it, so….

I am shaking my head at myself as I write this, because it’s just so ludicrous. Every paycheque reduced by $500 means that I would just have to use the overdraft again. Catch 22, right? Right.

As of tomorrow morning when I get paid, I will no longer have overdraft. My current overdraft balance of $470.09 will be paid off and then the credit union is removing the overdraft from my account.

I am going to have to learn to do without. If the money isn’t there, it isn’t there and tough bananas for me if I didn’t budget properly. (Oh, and, if the bananas are tough, then they’re going to have to ripen on the counter for a bit because that shit will give you cramps <— true story)

The reward: Starting a pay period with the actual funds that are deposited into my account.

2. I am applying for a term loan to pay off my credit card.

Now, you might be thinking “you’re getting into more debt to pay off your debt”? But, again, please believe when I say this is a good move. If you don’t know much about debt consolidation, the #1 thing to know is: Less interest to pay = balance paid off sooner.

Because I was going into overdraft on every cheque and starting each pay period in a defecit (“in the hole”, so to speak), I was finding it difficult to pay any significant amount on my credit card each month. I had maxed out that card a long time ago and have been paying interest on the $3500 balance for far too long. Most credit cards have an interest rate of 18-24%. Mine is 24%. That means that each year I am paying AT LEAST $850 in interest (except credit card companies also accrue interest daily, with varying rates based on interest and principal paid down, blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH). The long and short of it is that I was paying too much.

My term loan will pay off the balance of my credit card, is only a 2 year loan, and is at a MUCH more manageable rate (somewhere around 9%). I can pay as much off as I want at a time, so if I have extra money, I can always put down more on the principal.

Then, I’m going to freeze my credit card (literally — in the freezer, in a tupperware container) so that it’s a major effort if I have to use it.

The reward(s): Having a credit card with a $0 balance that can actually be used for emergencies; paying less money to debt owed; actually having money I can use for savings!

3. I am planning my meals for one week at a time

“How is this part of a healthy financial future” you ask? I’ll tell you! Meal planning is a two-fold reward:

A) Spend an amount on food that is realistic and works within my budget, and

B) Plan meals that are healthy and satisfying that will help me reach the Flat Abs goal!

This is something I have been working on for more than a year now. It is TOUGH, but I know the results come every. single. time. I do it, so I am just going to do it. All I have to do is take control of myself. Therein lies the key: Take control. Of myself.

This is not the first time I have done debt consolidation, but man, would I love for it to be my last. I have very little debt and would like to live debt free with a bunch of money in savings, and I want to be around to enjoy it, so I have to continue to focus on the health portion of things.

I’d tell you to wish me luck, but I think, for the first time in my life, I have figure out that I am going to have to work for this, dammit. WISH ME LUCK! 😉

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I subscribe to updates from a burlesque performer here in Calgary who posted about declining a gig because the company stipulated that the members of her burlesque troupe had to be 120lbs or less. Burlesque is about celebrating the female form in all it’s glory. Not celebrating females in the cookie-cutter form that some people in society deem necessary. “We are people, not commodities, thankyouverymuch”, said the burlesque dancer who declined the invitation to perform. Exactly!!

Personally, I could not possibly weigh 120lbs, and don’t think I have, since I was in Grade 7 or so. I was once very, very overweight, but at my thinnest was still around 160lbs. And I’ll you what: if/when I get to 160lbs again, I will look DAMN good.

Who are they to determine what weight looks good on someone? For the purposes of illustrating a point, I have included a link a photo of 5 different women all at 150lbs. Yes, it’s not 120lbs, but that’s actually beside the point. Look at the major differences. Weight is not the only measurement out there.

Having said that, obesity is still a very real concern in this world and for the purposes of illustrating the effects of weight on a person’s skeletal & muscular structures, I’ve included a link to a body scan of a 250lb woman vs. 120lb woman. The differences are significant.

The point to all this? Don’t let a number define you. Never let someone tell you what you should weigh. Live a healthy, active lifestyle and just try to be the best YOU there is.

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You know that phrase “‘Wow, I really regret that workout”, said no one, ever”? Well, I’ve been struggling lately with my motivation, and I had “one of those days” on Monday of this week, and when I left the gym, I thought “I actually DO regret that workout”. Because I really didn’t give it my all and I knew it. I didn’t want to be there, so I decided to approach it as “I will do a mini-workout, then, because at least I will have done something”.

But….I left the gym feeling like I hadn’t put in 100%, and that weighed on my mind for the rest of the night. Why did I bother to even go, if I wasn’t going to do anything worthwhile? (sigh) Time for yet ANOTHER shift in thinking. (hold on, because my thought patterns can be a bit of a roller-coaster — some people tell me this is because I’m a Gemini, that I always see two sides of everything. I like that explanation better than “You’re Crazy with a Capital C”)

On Monday, I did 30 mins hard cardio and 30 mins chest. Therefore, I actually DID do SOMETHING, so why was I beating myself up? Because I wasn’t dripping sweat at the end? Oh well!! Suck it up, I say. Everyday is a new day and not a single day is ever going to be exactly like the other. Some workouts are going to be better than others. So, accept it and move on! That’ s not to say that I should phone it in every time I go to the gym and then say to myself “oh well, at least I went”, it means allowing myself to have a workout that wasn’t my Best Workout Ever and accepting it for what it was, moving on and putting in the work the next day.

Having said that, I truly do believe this:

You get out what you put in

So that’s why I’m upset with myself, I guess. I know that if I don’t put in HARD work, I won’t get HARD results.

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Okay, so the title was supposed to be read in the same way as you’d hear the voice over say “Night….of the living DEAD!!!”, so if you didn’t hear it in that voice, go and read it again. I will wait.

Done? Okay, so…..now. For the resurrection.

I’ve decided this blog is going to be more than just a fitness journey log. I have some seriously funny thoughts on a regular basis (well, at least I think so), and I figure it’s about time the world benefited from them. LOL!! So modest, so humble.

This morning, my coworker told me that he sent roses to his fiancé’s work and that he’s taking her out for a romantic dinner. (sigh) This announcement caused me to start evaluating why I never get asked out to romantic dinners and my conclusion is that I think I’m more the “let’s chug a beer at the football game” kind of a girl. I realize that I have manufactured my own dilemma.

I like to box, lift weights, play poker, smoke cigars, drink beer, hate shopping…..man, I would make the best boyfriend. LOL Except I’m a chick. And I like dudes. Of course, I just said “chick” and “dudes”, which really isn’t helping my cause.

But you know what?? I LIKE me. And that’s saying a lot, because for many years, I really didn’t.

This year, 2013, is the year of Flat Abs, Fat Wallet. I am trying to get my eating and spending under control. The two should go hand in hand, but I’m having issues with both. Oh well!! It’s all a work in progress. I am a work in progress. Welcome to my journey.

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I’m not really sure where to go from there. That one phrase holds so much emotion and meaning that I’m not sure I could begin to explain it. I got to a point of pain this weekend that caused me to think I was going to pass out and that jumping off my balcony might be a good option. (I wouldn’t, actually, because with my luck I’d hit the lilac bush below and wind up paralyzed, but it seemed appealing at the time)

Now I’m feeling sorry for myself, but not because I was sick and in pain, but because I can’t workout for ANOTHER week. It’s been since Tuesday already!! I’ve been on the couch/in hospital for 4 days. I’m not used to missing more than a day or so at the gym, and now being told I’m not allowed to workout makes it worse. Yes, I am having a pity party.

Yes, I understand that working out could exacerbate the problem.

No, I do not ever want to go through that pain every again.

Yes, I will listen to the doctor.

But I don’t have to be happy about it, and now that I’m not worried about my health, I think I should get a moment to be pissed off.

I’m not yet at the point of being able to use the anger to my advantage….

….but I’m going to try.

I’m going to have to really concentrate on clean living while not being able to workout. Considering that my eating has been my problem to date, and considering that emotional & bored eating are my biggest enemy, I’m frightened, quite honestly.

I didn’t have a choice in the reasons for winding up in the hospital and I was so gung-ho to be dedicated to the workouts and food plan – especially for the next six weeks leading up to my trip to Belize. How will I lose the weight I wanted to lose if I can’t workout????

I feel really good, but I know that things can turn around in an instant and if they doctors say to wait a week, then I should wait. Just don’t expect me to be thrilled.

By the time I reached the end of this post, and re-read it…..I decided this applied:

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If you know that you are not healthy…you have been sneezing and coughing, your eyes are watery, and you ‘thound like dis’ when you talk, PLEASE keep it to yourself.

As an avid gym-goer, I have to share your germs just by being in the same space as you, let alone touching the same weights and gym equipment you touch. Learn to use the hand sanitizer and anti-bacterial wipes for the machines, would you? I do, but they can only do so much! You have to do your part, too.

Also, if we workout together and your throat has been sore for three days, no, I don’t want you to perform MMA moves on me that require your face near mine in anyway, thankyouverymuch. Get to a doctor and quit breathing on me!