There's an old adage: "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I wish this was easier than it is.

I was driving with a friend recently, whose brother had invited her to his daughter's college graduation. It would have been very inconvenient for my friend Alice (not her real name) to go to this event in another state. When she told her brother, he was very annoyed and he used words, which led my friend to feel "guilty." Alice told me that she had reconsidered going but she really didn't want to go and so she was going to tell her brother, "I'd love to go but with my husband's travel schedule it would be really hard.

The truth: Alice would NOT love to go! She doesn't need to say that to her brother but she could be honest and true to herself at the same time. I suggested that Alice say, "I love my niece and I'm so proud of her. I will be with her on her big day in spirit even though it doesn't work for me to be with her in person." Boom! Done.

I have been working on communication skills a lot recently. It means editing and re-editing e-mails, which is my favorite way of communicating because then I can see AND hear what I'm saying. I am verifying business arrangements -- always helps! I am being straightforward with financial proposals. And, I have even been totally honest in cancelling a lunch appointment.

What a relief it is! In business, social and family situations, we can always improve the way we communicate and we can do so in a way in which it benefits us as well as those to whom we are communicating.

February, 14 2014

It's all about the heart

Today is another Valentine's Day. We tend to celebrate it as if it depends on someone else -- a lover, family member, children. It doesn't. It's just a wonderful day to remember loving. We don't have many days when we feature just what is in our heart and soul. One day a year is better than none to keep our focus on what we construe as a feeling but it would probably be better if we could do it more often than that.

We give mighty credence to that which we think about -- what our brain construes -- and far too little to that which we have an inner knowing about. We may call it intuition but it may actually be what our heart is directing us toward.

While I love that love is filling the air on Valentine's Day more than on most other days, I am hopeful that it will continue well into the future.

When I feel an ongoing guidance that is simple and pure and straight from the heart, then I know, really know, that I am being led to the right decision. THAT is a glorious feeling.

So, Happy Valentine's Day. May your heart be open even more so today than usual and may it lead you to powerful moments in the months to come.

February, 02 2014

Work

I have noticed that the word "work" has a more negative than positive response in many people. What a shame! Nothing feels better to me than having put in a good day of work -- being productive is very satisfying to me. I think we have been looking for the "easy" way for so long that anything that doesn't feel easy automatically feels hard or negative. Of the many modern advances that would surprise my mother and my father, the idea that putting forth effort was construed as something to avoid might head the list. My mother's washing machine required a lot of time in front of a ringer. My father, who was a doctor and worked 12 - 16 hours a day, also had a beautiful garden and he would be fertilizing, planting, picking on his one day off. He had help when he was working but it was his garden and he expected to have to tend to it whenever he could.

I sometimes hear myself complaining about having to clean house or pick weeds (yes, I do hate that!) but usually my chores take far less time than I thought they would. I have friends who eat nearly every meal in a restaurant -- don't like to cook? don't want to have to clean up? WHAT???? People park close to entrances so they walk far less than they ever have -- NOT GOOD! They have people who pick up their trash at the curb and they keep their cans as close as possible to the pick-up site. I could go on and on.

Our muscles and our brains and our bones are meant to move and many of us aren't moving enough. Even if you go to the gym 3 - 5 times a week, it's still important to move around more the rest of the time. A recent study said that we should be active 2 1/2 hours a day and I KNOW that isn't the case for many people I know. We sit behind the computer, we walk out the door and go to our cars, we watch a lot of TV or we read in an easy chair or sofa, and we don't lift much heavy or reach high for items.

Could it be that we have forgotten what's it like to physically move as well as mentally solve problems and address head-on issues in our lives?

I hope we re-discover.

January, 14 2014

Honestly...do it your way

Do it your way -- not my way or an author's way or an expert's way or an official's way, etc...do it as much as possible your way. I am always struck when I see Mark Cuban on television or read about him in a magazine or newspaper how individualistic, bold, and secure he seems to be. He has amassed a fortune -- he has done it from beginning to end, HIS way. You and I can think of hundreds of people, who fit this mold. And yet...and yet...we head for the book or the message or the video, which will give us precise guidelines or specific information or a formula for success.

I recognize that we can learn from others but that does not mean that we want to copy others. Take in information, absorb it, adopt parts or all of it but still -- do it your way.

I think most people find this difficult to do. We want to know a path. We want a tried-and-true system for many, many situations. THERE ISN'T ONE!!!!

I am extremely sympathetic to the difficulties of living one's life as a creator but it truly is the only way.