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Father Knows Best was an old TV show that I am old enough to know of but not really know about. It seemed fitting, this picture is from the Interwebs and belongs to the show. I guess.

*Stands up, clears throat* Hi, my name s Simon. I am a 35-year-old father of two and sometimes I would rather play Xbox than Polly Pocket or watch a show about pawn shops instead of giving them baths. *All together now* “HI SIMON”

Horrible huh? I mean moms on Facebook are re-purposing tiny mason jars into sippy cups and spending 6 hours making rainbow cup cakes for their kid with two last name’s preschool class. Dads are coaching multiple sports teams and all work for companies that are happy to give them half the day off to go to their first grader’s Christmas party to stand around like overgrown wall flowers and watch their kids eat said cupcake. Babies are learning sign language and how to read and the other day I met a 5-year-old that knew what quinoa was.

The over-achieving appears to be at its zenith and it seems that all of the parents around me went to orientation or got the syllabus ahead of time and have a way better clue as to what they are doing. I mean I hate to break it to you but some mornings I wake up and it takes me a few minutes to remember I’m not 15 and I am in charge of TWO HUMAN BEINGS.

Don’t worry though, the whole grown up secret is safe with me. While I may not fool other parents, my kids think I’ve got all the answers just like we thought about our parents when we were kids. One day I will be able to hand down this tradition of the human condition to my daughters and the cycle will continue.

“Wow Simon, that was quite the little rant, you must hate being a parent.”

Nope. Being a parent is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me and guess what? It’s my favorite. I love my kids with all of my heart and I even think that sometimes I am a pretty good dad, maybe even most of the time.

I also know that it isn’t always easy and when you add being a parent to being a spouse, being a sibling, being an employee, being a son or daughter, and being an adult, sometimes you can forget what it feels like to be you.

The good news is, I think there is room to be all those things, be good at them, and still be you. I also think that if you can remember who you were when you were 15 and not be afraid to let it shine through in your other roles, it will make you better at them and the days more fun along the way.

I’m not going to lose who I am in an effort to be the best parent I can be. I’m going to share who I am with my kids and figure things out one day at a time. It may not always wind up looking like a photo on Pinterest but as long as I can keep them healthy, happy, learning, and laughing I think we will figure this thing out.

I hope to share some light-hearted stories and observations from a dad’s point of view of what it can be like raising the generation that doesn’t know what the roll down window gesture means and can’t drive to the grocery store without wanting to watch a movie.

I love them with all I’ve got even when they make me miss video games. As long as we have a fun-loving disposition, plenty of juice, and extra band-aids I think we will do just fine even when we do eat the occasional gluten and still aren’t positive that quinoa isn’t a city in Canada.

I was in a city, Denver I think, and I was walking down the street with some time to spare before meeting the rest of my group at dinner. I walked across the street and into a shop and started looking at clothes when I realized there was a particular theme to this clothing. Kermit the Frog. The shop had every item of clothing imaginable from formal wear to socks and underwear and they all had something to do with Kermit the Frog. At the time this didn’t seem the slightest bit strange and I flipped through a rack of plaid green shorts as my attention was drawn to an old familiar voice.

I looked up and I saw an old friend that I hadn’t seen since high school walking up to me to show me the leather biker jacket he was purchasing. It should have been odd to see him so far from home but we began talking like old friends and commenting on the jacket and how instead of a leather strap at the top of the zipper it had a green bow tie. I noticed a girl behind him obviously flirting with him and commenting on his selection as well. I also recognized her from high school but he acted like he didn’t even know her. I should have realized that something strange was going on but didn’t find anything odd until I turned around to look at the shorts again and they were gone. Everything was gone. I saw two sales people both vaguely familiar rapidly removing the racks of merchandise into some sort of closet. The room was suddenly empty and I was alone. I couldn’t find a door to leave and a woman that once again I recognized pointed to a side door and told me I could exit there as it was the last door unlocked.

I walked out of the building thinking it was a bit strange but not unsettled in the slightest. It was almost time to meet my friends and kids and I had a long walk ahead of me. To my surprise a guy pulled up in an older red pickup truck. It was a friend that I haven’t seen in close to ten years. Again, we had gone to high school together. I got in his truck and realized that he was part of the group of friends I was there with. He told me that the group had changed plans and we were meeting at a different restaurant. He said it was closer and really good and we started heading in that direction. I fiddled with my cell phone and then looked down and saw my bare feet. What the Hell? Where had my shoes gone? I had them on just a……I suddenly realized I had no idea how long I had been barefoot but was certain that I had left wearing shoes.

My friend said it was no problem and we would swing back by our hotel so I could put on another pair. We pulled into the parking garage in the basement of the hotel and then suddenly I was in my room; on my knees in a closet trying to find two shoes that matched. There must have been a hundred shoes in a pile and the task wasn’t easy.

The door to the hotel opened and the room was flooded with people. Some close friends that I see all the time, others friends from long ago that I haven’t seen in years. None of that seemed strange. My wife walked in with our oldest daughter and two other little girls who I recognized but I don’t remember who they were. My daughter was crying. My wife was glowing and telling me about a place she had found in the city that had all of these free games you could play that were very challenging but had great prizes if you won. She had been there for a long time and my daughter was upset because the games were too hard for kids.

I guess I found a pair of shoes because the next thing I remember we were all walking into a restaurant. It was open air in the middle of town and was a Mexican place I am pretty sure. The waitress arrived and began taking drink orders, she talked to us all like she knew us because she did. We had all gone to school with her years ago. It didn’t seem the least bit odd that we had all shown up together in her restaurant. There was a sudden rustle and I realized my wife had just gotten out of bed. I peered at my phone and it said 5:44. I had overslept.

This morning at 4:30 my wife’s alarm went off. She said her clock said 5:30 but the TV said 4:30 and she asked me to check my phone to make sure of the right time. It was 4:30 and we both drifted back off into dreamland. In what seemed like about 3 minutes I was getting out of bed and rubbing my eyes. What in the world kind of dream was that? I walked into the bathroom and my wife was brushing her teeth. We both commented on how fast the past hour had gone by and I told her that I think when a half-dozen people you knew in high school show up in a dream, it may be time to stop reading Facebook right before bed.