Thanks to everyone who has replied to my earlier posts. Your insight has been very helpful.

Just looking for the bottom line: Is it possible to have a healthy and loving relationship with a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse (who is wanting to heal and actively seeking help through therapy)?

Thank you for asking the question! Where is your earlier post? I am trying to get some perspective for myself on this issue.

BB.

Hello BB:My other posts are listed on this forum under "encouragement & insight needed". Just trying to keep the faith and stay positive, but it gets really tough sometimes. I'm hoping to hear from some folks, either partners or survivors, who are in a successful relationship given these circumstances.

Yes it is possible - I am in a mostly good relationship with a SA survivor - one who is really coming along with his healing. My BF in the past has been an alcoholic/drug addict and engaged in some compulsive/anonymous sex in his past and now he's clean from all of that (kicked everything but pot for about 5 years and finally kicked his pot habit in Feb 2002 (we met "again" in September 2001 (we were childhood friends in the 1970's)).

At this time, my BF is involved in daily meditation/journalling, group therapy for SA men (group focusses on anger) individual therapy and he is also putting together a case to prosecute his perp. I have found that our times together are much better when he has a support network in place that he is actively using - when he is in therapy or has people to talk to we get along much better.

My BF is quite far along in his healing though - I suspect from the informaiton I've received about his past relationships (they sounded horrendous), that our relationship probably would not have survived if it had happened prior to now (we're in our mid 30's - his SA happened when he was 17 and he first sought counselling at age 29).

I dont expect there will never be any bad times/regressions, but there is much more good than bad. (however, some of the bads have been REALLY bad).

So in a nutshell it is possible. Because of his SA my BF has an excellent ability to be (most of the time) compassionate and sensitive towards others who are going through tough times. As a partner of a SA survivor, however, you do have to have a certain amount of inner strength and a good support network to ride out the tough times which will crop up from time to time (however, troubles crop up in ANY relationship from time to time - there are no trouble-free relationships out there). You can be pretty sure that anger and tension will be a part of your relationshp, from time to time, and you have to understand that the SA experience will never go away, however, as our couples counsellor said with time, help and healing "you learn to wear it like a comfortable old shirt instead of a stifling strait-jacket".

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.