sort of a catch-22, not enough people are into judo, which leads to a lack of appropriate matches at shiai, which makes judo less appealing for those who are starting out, which leads to fewer people staying with judo.

we can only hope that with some judoka doing well in MMA we may see more interest.

And a lot of people into Judo (kids) are not into competition, plus new (and appropriate) restrictions on age and rank for real competition are in place (in Canada, at least). It's even harder (as I'm sure you know) to find working age novice adults to compete against, even do Judo with...plus travel expenses to competitions, which are not the common in the first place.

Fortunately for my children, I'm much better at being a martial arts parent than I ever was at being an actual martial artist. Sure, I had my moments karate kicking my way to glory (Hi-Yah!!) and knee barring the **** out of new BJJ students in their first week of training before they could exact revenge in week two. As it turns out though, parenting little ass kickers seems to be where I shine.

I originally had the idea for a parenting thread because I wanted a place for us to chronicle the craziness you see from parents in the course of your training. Most martial arts schools still need kids in order to pay the bills so I know you have stories. Don't worry, we're still going to use this thread to tell stories of asshole parents but I thought I'd kick it off with some actual information that might help prevent a parent or two from being such an asshole. So this thread will be the mullet of martial arts parenting - business in the front and party in the back.

My kids are learning to grapple at the moment, so many of my examples will be from that point of view but they'll apply to other martial arts as well. Without further delay, here are some rules to help you avoid being a shitty martial arts parent:

1. Shut your stupid mouth. When you go to watch your kids train, sit there and be quiet. You're paying good money for your child to learn from professionals. Let them do their job. This is probably the biggest screw-up parents make. They can't stand to cut the umbilical cord for an hour and let their kids train on their own. I'll give some more specifics below, but many of the rules that follow revolve around this theme. Shut your pie hole.

2. Don't yell at your kid across the training floor in the middle of class. I know you can't fucking stand it that Little Johnny zigged when he was supposed to zag but get over it. If you think you have something of value to add to his training, take notes and discuss it with him after class.

3. Come to class and pay attention. Use your eyes and ears, not your mouth. This is not a daycare center. You need to know if your kid is a dick. I know your precious little flower is perfect in your eyes but sometimes these little sweet peas don't listen, are too rough with their training partners, wipe boogers on the mat and whatnot. You need to know if this is happening so you can correct your child - after class if it's not an emergency.

4. Take the time to learn a little bit about the martial art your kid is training in. Many times, since the Gods of War have awesome senses of humor, it will be the least knowledgeable parents who loudly and repeatedly violate Rule #1. I heard a parent in a recent seminar talking loudly on his cell phone. He was telling somebody that Royce Gracie was doing a seminar at his kid's school. Of course, he pronounced Royce with the R sound. The person on the other end obviously corrected him because he said "Well IT SAYS Royce (again with the R sound) right here!" Royce was standing about ten feet away at the time. lol. I've also heard a parent refer to BJJ as Karate and Muay Thai as Mai Tai. Learn a little so you don't sound like a buffoon all the time.

5. Every training session is not the Super Bowl. Chill the **** out. A couple weeks ago my son stuck around after class to get some rolling in. I've been encouraging him to roll with kids that are bigger than him because he's been trouncing most of the kids his own size. He was rolling with a kid that probably outweighed him by 25 lbs. The kid's father, who is a blue belt, felt the need to go stand 3 feet from them while they rolled and excitedly coach his fat son as if he were fighting for a UFC title. I would've told him to **** off, but I was wisely observing Rule #1, unlike this ass clown. Oh yeah, my son still caught him with an armbar. Usually that would mean nothing to me but this time I laughed a little on the inside.

6. Don't hold a grudge against a kid because he has a shitty parent. This one can be tough, but the poor little bastards didn't get to choose their parents.

7. Sandbagging at tournaments - don't do it. I know that cheesy painted gold medal Little Johnny wins after six years of wrestling by smashing a little girl who's been training for eight weeks will bring pride and respect to your family for many generations, but put your kid in the right damn division.

8. Everybody who can beat your kid is not a sandbagger. Yes, I'm sure your kid is a cross between Jacare and Luke Skywalker but sometimes the dark side wins. Accept it. Losing is part of improving.

9. Know when to push and when to go easy. There's nothing wrong with wanting your kid to be their best. Kids will sit on their asses, eat cheese balls and play Grand Theft Auto all day long if you let them. Sometimes a kick in the pants is a good thing. On the other hand, kids feel under the weather sometimes. Maybe they didn't sleep well. Maybe they just need a break. Let them take a day off occasionally.

10. If you want them to be good at martial arts, focus on their attitude more than their technique. I see so many parents get bent all out of shape because their kid screws up a submission attempt but they don't pay attention to the **** that matters the most - heart and hard work. My kids' instructors have some exercises they do as a competition with the kids. Without going into detail, they're exercises that most kids are capable of winning. It's all about heart. That's where I want to see my kids putting out. I want to see them working hard. I want to see them listening. I want to see them trying and paying attention. I don't give a **** if they screw up an Omoplata.

11. Your loud ass whiny toddler you let run around like a rabid wolverine while Little Johnny is in class is not cute. At all. Do something with that damn kid. He's fucking up the program.

12. Seriously, shut your stupid mouth. You don't need to call him over to fix his belt when it falls off. You don't need to yell at him to use his left foot instead of his right foot. You don't need to be on the phone running your trap. You don't need to be chatting up the hot mom sitting next to you. Shut the hell up.

I'm sure there are more crucial rules that I'm missing, but that's all that comes to mind at the moment. Feel free to add your own. Other than that, let me hear your stories about douchebag parents. I know you've got some.

What I would add to this is to have/build a good relationship with the instructor, this would help facilitate any potential issues if any when you could build a good relationship which I think really ties in with #4 about knowing the style your child is learning.

I say this because I have a 3 year old taking karate and I inherently follow all the rules above, except that I have built a dialogue with the sensei teaching the class because at least for the foreseeable future he is going to be in my son's life for a while. Awesome post.

I started teaching at another gym a few cities over. The kids are starting to get used to me. I like to be a bit light hearted during class but I still lay down the discipline. One student was that typical young kid who pretty much does anything to get attention. He's young so I use simple straight forward approach. (I can expand if you want)

The other day he started acting up again as I was trying to explain how to do something correctly especially when it came to racing. Essentially the race doesn't count unless your doing the correct race (ie. bringing a motorcycle to a track race).

So I asked the question "Everybody likes to race right?". This kid said no he did not like to race. So I said fine we'll race you stand there. Then an older kid also raised his hand and said he didn't like to race. There was the quandary. I felt I needed to treat them both the same, so I told him to stay out of this one too.

After the race was done the boys father raised his hand:

I think he wanted to participate.

I understand but that wasn't the point of the exercise.

Yes but he wanted to participate, I wanted him to participate.

Right, but he said he didn't like to race like the other boy so I went ahead and let him not race.

But he should participate if he wants to.

Sir, I don't really want to get into an argument over this.

I'm not arguing.

.....Is there anything else?

Yes, I pay for my son to participate and he should participate.

At this point I decided this was going nowhere so I looked at the boy, bowed to him and excused him from class.

Dad: Is that the way it's going to be?

You're making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be sir.

No, you're making a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Have a good day.

And they left with the owner of the gym following him. After a few minutes the owner of the gym asked me to come over and talk to the father. I left the floor to talk to the father.

Dad: My son loves to participate in class, he may not like to race but you should at least allow him to participate.

This had nothing to do with the race sir, I asked one child to sit out therefore I asked your son to sit out.

That's not the point.

Yes sir, and I'm always right.

No you're not.

I absolutely am. As long as I'm on that floor and teaching I'm always right. If I say that floor is black it's black. There is no room for discussion. Now in the real world, if you disagree with something I'm doing call me over to the side and we'll talk about it, but as long as I'm teaching I'm not wrong. I've been teaching for 25 years now.

.....I don't care how long you've been teaching you're wrong.

Tell me how I'm wrong then sir.

My son wanted to participate.

And he didn't. It was a 10 second race. It's over. Why are we still talking about it?

Because he didn't participate.

Right.

He should have participated.

The race is over. It wasn't about the race. You're insisting that it is. You don't understand what was going on.

Yes I do, and you yelled at me?

No I didn't. I talk loudly there's a difference.

I have hearing aids. (he pulls them out) I didn't need them to hear you!

Good, then I've done my job. Sir, your logic is circular, you are throwing up a bunch of strawman arguments to wack away at. The race is done, you're making a bigger deal about this than necessary.

You're making a bigger deal of it.

And you're being stubborn.

You're being stubborn.

Really? This is your argument?

(At this point he starts waving his finger in my face)

You're not listening to anything I'm saying.

Really? Let me see if I got this correct. We had a race. You wanted your son to participate in the race. I didn't let your son participate. You feel that you pay for him to participate so he should participate. Did I get this right?

Yes.

The race is over.

You should have let him try afterwards.

Is there anything else you needed to get off your chest?

No.

Have a good day.

I walked back into class. The owner asked what that was all about. I told the owner that this was the only way for me and the father to save face. He had to show that he was sticking up for his son, I have to show that I'm in charge of the class.

I started teaching at another gym a few cities over. The kids are starting to get used to me. I like to be a bit light hearted during class but I still lay down the discipline. One student was that typical young kid who pretty much does anything to get attention. He's young so I use simple straight forward approach. (I can expand if you want)

The other day he started acting up again as I was trying to explain how to do something correctly especially when it came to racing. Essentially the race doesn't count unless your doing the correct race (ie. bringing a motorcycle to a track race).

So I asked the question "Everybody likes to race right?". This kid said no he did not like to race. So I said fine we'll race you stand there. Then an older kid also raised his hand and said he didn't like to race. There was the quandary. I felt I needed to treat them both the same, so I told him to stay out of this one too.

After the race was done the boys father raised his hand:

I think he wanted to participate.

I understand but that wasn't the point of the exercise.

Yes but he wanted to participate, I wanted him to participate.

Right, but he said he didn't like to race like the other boy so I went ahead and let him not race.

But he should participate if he wants to.

Sir, I don't really want to get into an argument over this.

I'm not arguing.

.....Is there anything else?

Yes, I pay for my son to participate and he should participate.

At this point I decided this was going nowhere so I looked at the boy, bowed to him and excused him from class.

Dad: Is that the way it's going to be?

You're making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be sir.

No, you're making a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Have a good day.

And they left with the owner of the gym following him. After a few minutes the owner of the gym asked me to come over and talk to the father. I left the floor to talk to the father.

Dad: My son loves to participate in class, he may not like to race but you should at least allow him to participate.

This had nothing to do with the race sir, I asked one child to sit out therefore I asked your son to sit out.

That's not the point.

Yes sir, and I'm always right.

No you're not.

I absolutely am. As long as I'm on that floor and teaching I'm always right. If I say that floor is black it's black. There is no room for discussion. Now in the real world, if you disagree with something I'm doing call me over to the side and we'll talk about it, but as long as I'm teaching I'm not wrong. I've been teaching for 25 years now.

.....I don't care how long you've been teaching you're wrong.

Tell me how I'm wrong then sir.

My son wanted to participate.

And he didn't. It was a 10 second race. It's over. Why are we still talking about it?

Because he didn't participate.

Right.

He should have participated.

The race is over. It wasn't about the race. You're insisting that it is. You don't understand what was going on.

Yes I do, and you yelled at me?

No I didn't. I talk loudly there's a difference.

I have hearing aids. (he pulls them out) I didn't need them to hear you!

Good, then I've done my job. Sir, your logic is circular, you are throwing up a bunch of strawman arguments to wack away at. The race is done, you're making a bigger deal about this than necessary.

You're making a bigger deal of it.

And you're being stubborn.

You're being stubborn.

Really? This is your argument?

(At this point he starts waving his finger in my face)

You're not listening to anything I'm saying.

Really? Let me see if I got this correct. We had a race. You wanted your son to participate in the race. I didn't let your son participate. You feel that you pay for him to participate so he should participate. Did I get this right?

Yes.

The race is over.

You should have let him try afterwards.

Is there anything else you needed to get off your chest?

No.

Have a good day.

I walked back into class. The owner asked what that was all about. I told the owner that this was the only way for me and the father to save face. He had to show that he was sticking up for his son, I have to show that I'm in charge of the class.

Got to love parents.

So kid says he doesn't want to participate, you let him sit out, Dad objects, right ?

His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten.

Join Date

Mar 2006

Posts

6,855

Posted On:2/22/2015 2:22pm

1

Since someone opened this thread again, I think I have a new one too.

My son has an expanding circle of haters. A few kids, but mostly parents. Keep in mind, my kid's behavior in class and in competition is exactly as a martial artist should behave. I watch him and correct him. He knows how to train hard, be a good training partner, be polite and not be a dick.

The hate doesn't come from his behavior. It comes from him smashing other people's kids within the rules due to the fact that he trains longer and harder than they do. His jiu jitsu looks like jiu jitsu is supposed to look like more than most of the other kids. Some of the parents fucking HATE it. Especially when he dominates their kids and they're way bigger than him.

Some of the kids are just awkward and he fucks their **** up, especially when they start standing because he's been wrestling for a while now too. He did a hard snap down on a bigass kid one day and the clumsy little fucker didn't even bother to put his hands out. Face first on the mat. Bloody nose.

Mom ends up complaining about how her little flower always gets hurt when he pairs up with my son. I wanted to tell her "Bitch, he gets hurt because grappling fucking hurts. Especially when you suck as bad as your kid sucks. Maybe he should try cheerleading." But I held my tongue as always. It's more fun to be cool and just make her watch her kid get tooled again and again and again.

The jury had to decide whether Sandford meant to hurt Patrick Ronan of Sayreville, who was then 16, when he ran over and grabbed Ronan, who was wrestling Sandford's 14-year-old son. Sandford testified during the trial that he ran in after seeing Ronan punch his son in the face and put his arm back as if to punch him again.

Middlesex County Assistant Prosecutor Michael Weiss argued that Sandford could have stopped himself before he went into Ronan, but "he acted out of anger" at seeing his son punched in the face.

The melee afterwards was one of the funnest I've ever been in. As per usual, I went after the officials to keep the brawl from being broken up too quickly.

That kid is a piece of **** if he threw a punch during a wrestling match.

Here's how it went down:

In the first or second period of the match, Sandford's son on bottom began shouting to the referee "He's grabbing my balls!"

These pleas went mostly ignored. Evidently, after that, Sandford's son kept hitting the Sayreville kid with a lot of little cheap shots and elbow strikes. I didn't really see any of these, but some kids talking about the match later on alleged that's what he was doing.

In the third period, the Sayreville kid blatantly punches Sandford's son in the side of the head and gets called for it.

Sandford rhino charges the Sayreville kid and hits him in the face (At least that's what it looked like to me) before tackling him.

A melee ensues. I throw a referee underneath the bleachers and repeatedly close them on his head.

The melee dissipates. A lot of parents are shouting "He's just a kid!" and "I'll see you in court!"