Hot monkey sex in the suburbs

The success of “Desperate Housewives” tells the Anchor Desk that Americans like two things: sex and the suburbs.

<font size="-2" Yes, that’s a banana and yes, I’m happy to see you /Dallas Morning News

From the hot soccer moms of the Midwest, who have spawned their own genre of porn on the Interwebs (no, there won’t be a link), to the airheaded dweebs of MTV’s Laguna Beach, there seems to be a lot of sex in them thar McMansions.

Perhaps it’s true. Perhaps it’s make-believe. Either way, it could not prepare the Anchor Desk for this …

“I did not have sex with that monkey”

Here are the elements of a case in the Dallas suburb of Plano:

 A) A school district that has its own zoo

 B) A guy having sex with a chimp

 C) A school district official guy jumping to conclusions

 D) Some of the above

 E) All of the above

Jim Dunlap, head of a Plano ISD exotic animal facility, worries he’ll be fired for telling the local paper that pet owner Bobby Crawford Jr. had sex with a rhesus macaque monkey that was subsequently confiscated. Source of the charge: A tape, made by Crawford, which included Crawford talking about himself and Darwin the chimp “engaging in mutual stimulation.” Crawford denies it, saying it’s all just a big misunderstanding.

More animal perversion news

University of Nevada researchers have created a sheep that’s 15 percent human. The goal is to create sheep organs that are close enough to human organs to be used in transplants. They injected a sheep fetus with human cells. They don’t have transplant-ready organs, yet, but they do have animals that are covered in wool, but which would prefer to wear cotton in the spring and summer.

An unfortunate placement of stories about sheep and Aggies leads us to this

 Internet sports message boards in Texas and Arkansas have been on Defcon 1 since stories broke that the Arkansas Razorbacks fired its successful basketball coach Stan Heath and have targeted A&M basketball messiah Billy Clyde Gillespie as his successor. Rumors are flying like those pig calls that Arkansas fans do during college football games. Razorbacks say there’s a deal; A&M and Gillespie are mum.