Hair grease and Henderson's Relish - it's the king of condiments, a sauce made in Sheffield. And it sounds a bit rock star but I only use Black and White hair grease, which they only make in Memphis. If I've got those two, I'm sorted. I tape them to my body.

I always bring back ...

Guitars and piles of records. In the States I once had to have a flight case made to bring all my records back. Boston is the best place for buying albums; in 1998, when I was touring there with Pulp, I brought back literally thousands of records. There's daft stuff too - I once came back with a life-size bust of John Wayne.

My childhood holidays were ...

A weekend in Rhyl usually. But my grandma had a friend who had a guest house in Blackpool. This woman was obsessed with turning everything orange; even her parrot got a rinse. She was beyond round-the-bend, but as a six-year-old I didn't know any different. My gran would take me to Cleethorpes as well, and after a few days she'd get bored and plonk me on one of those amusement arcade horses while she'd go into the bingo. You weren't allowed any alcohol, but she'd sneak in a bottle of gin and come out completely bladdered and stagger back to the caravan.

The worst thing about touring is ...

It's bad for your health. I lost 13lbs on tour, even though I'm on the ale. I only eat once a day because when you're singing you don't want to be burping down a mike. At the start of this tour I said to myself: 'I'm going to be healthy and strong, not hammered.' I even bought camomile tea. That lasted one gig. I lay in my bunk listening to people getting drunk and couldn't do it. A few cans of Guinness and some cards and I'm there.

My top travel tip is ...

Resist the pub. In Stockholm I went to see this 17th-century tall ship that had been recovered from the Baltic. It didn't rot because the sea has such low salinity levels that the Teredos worm, which destroys the wood, can't survive. You don't learn that in the pub.

My last holiday was ... In Cornwall. I wrote loads of songs there. Something happens to me when I go past Bodmin Moor: there's just something ageless about it.

My idea of holiday heaven ...

Quentin Crisp said something very wise: 'No matter where you go, there you are.' I take that to mean you can save for 10 years and go to the Maldives and have the shittest time because you take all the baggage with you. It doesn't matter to me where I am as long as I'm with the kids and our lass and there's peace and quiet.

My biggest disappointment ...

Was bits of America you expect to be fantastic but are awful. Florida is 5,000 square miles of Blackpool and terrible racism.

· Richard Hawley's single 'Valentine', from his album Lady's Bridge, is out on 28 January.