If you’re a man who is planning to marry an igbo woman, this post will get you familiar with the ibo engagement ceremony stages and process and the customary marriage rites a groom is required to complete – it’s not as overwhelming as people say it is. In this post, you will get an overview of the igbo engagement and traditional marriage ceremony process, as well as see what goes into the igbo traditional engagement list that the groom should take to his in-laws, so that you’ll know, in advance, what to expect.

The purpose of this post is to give you an idea of what to budget for, when preparing for an igbo traditional marriage ceremony. While this is a guide for grooms who want to marry ibo women, note that the igbo custom requires that a groom is required to officially asks his in-laws for the customary engagement list. If your prospective father-in-law is alive, he is the one to ask; if not, ask your fiance’s mother – she knows how to get the list (usually, she’ll ask for it from the elders in the village).

The igbo traditional engagement ceremony is in stages, but they can be done a few days apart – it all depends on when you (the groom) get the engagement gifts ready. If you’re on low budget, and your future wife understands, you can skip one of the stages – read on to find out which one that is.

Overview of Marriage Proposal in the Custom of Ndigbo (Igbo People)

Before I give you the engagement list, I thought you should know a bit about the igbo marriage tradition. But if not, skip this section and go straight to the traditional engagement list in the next section below.

Before a man marries an igbo girl/ woman, he must first ask for her hand in marriage, from her parents, as well as her umunna (her extended family, represented by the elders). The onyibo/ western-style ‘marriage proposal on bended knee to the woman’ doesn’t count – her ‘yes’ to you (the groom) is not really only or final say, you still have to formally “ask” her parents, as well as her kindred (extended family) in her Nigerian home town.

So, it’s not enough to also announce your (marriage-) intentions to her parents. Marriage is a communal thing in Igboland, like everywhere else in Nigeria, so you (the groom) are expected to ask her clan for her hand in marriage in accordance with the igbo custom and tradition.

The Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony Stages

According to the Ndigbo traditions and customs, the igbo traditional wedding/ marriage involves the following stages:

Marriage Introduction/ Proposal/ Inquiry (Iku Aka or Iju Ese)

Consent From Her Umunna/ Extended Family

The Dowry/ Bride Price Payment (Ime Ego)

Wine-Carrying Ceremony (Igba Nkwu Nwanyi)

In order to help our grooms get a good idea of what is involved when marrying an ibo lady, we wrote a detailed post explaining the procedure for each of the above ibo traditional wedding stages, with the procedures involved.

Parts 1 to 4: Igbo Marriage Procedure Explained

This post that you’re reading is part 1 of the series explaining the igbo marriage stages, traditions and customs. We’ve written detailed, easy to understand articles to help you understand how to go about marrying and igbo woman. Click a link below to start reading:

Part 2 – the process, igbo traditions and customs for marriage introduction and seeking of family consent

Part 3 – the procedure and customs involved in “Igba Nkwu” wine carrying.

Part 4 – Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about the Igbo Marriage ceremony rites and processes.

If you enjoyed reading, please share this post on facebook/ twitter/ by email.

Did I miss anything about the igbo traditional wedding stages or do you have a question? I’d love to hear from you – leave me a comment below.

Stella is the founder and Editor of this blog (NaijaGlamWedding). Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest. Submit your photos to be featured - it's FREE, because we love everything weddings, bridal showers, engagement shoots.

Comments

It has been a while since I have seen a new post. I hope you are still monitoring this site. I have been offered marriage from a man who lives in Lagos, Nigeria who is from Port Hartcourt. I live in the United States. I did not see anywhere in your article where the woman is supposed to give a dowry. I only saw that the man was. I was asked to give one and thought it sort of odd and non traditional. Can you help me to understand if this is supposed to be or not? I am very confused. Thanks

Hello Alicia. Good to see you around 🙂 You are right – it’s been long I updated, but YES, I am still monitoring the blog, and would soon start posting frequently again. So stick around 🙂

On to your question, here’s my answer: In Nigeria, the tradition and custom requires the man to pay dowry/ bride price in order to take a wife. Women do not pay dowry (not done anywhere in Nigeria), it is the other way round.

Thank you so much for your response. I’ve told him I have not heard the tradition or custom for Nigeria ever changing and of course, he got angry. I’ve since stopped all communication with him as I knew he was lying. His mother and his sister were angry with me for not agreeing to marry him. I told them, “Why would I marry a liar?”

Thank you so much for answering. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Thanks for your feedback. I am glad my reply could help, and I look forward to your reading more of my articles.
I wish you the very best – it shall be well with you. Please, know that there a so many honest and loving Nigerian men out there.

I am a Nigerian woman, my boyfriend is American. He has just had the first meeting with my parents to announce his intentions. My question is: when can he actually propose to me (get down on one knee, etc)? Can that happen now? Does it have to happen after all 4 steps of the process have been completed? Any advice you can provide would be great!

Hi, please I want to know about an igbo man marrying from another country. I am a Ghanaian dating an igbo guy from nsukka in enugu state. will marrying him be difficult, or rather, what should I expect from that marriage?

Hello Cecilia. Thanks for your question.
Here, we focus on providing wedding planning tips, and not relationship advice. You alone are in the best position to know what marriage would be like with your Igbo guy. That’s because since dating him, you already know what his character is like and whether he is a difficult person. Therefore, sit down and analyse whether he’s a good fit for you. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING A ANGBO MAN – THE SAME APPLIES IF HE WAS A GHANAIAN OR FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD – you alone will access whether marrying the guy would be a fit with what you expect.

Once you decide to go a ahead with a wedding, you can come and read our many wedding planning tips. Thanks for stopping by.

helo bros my name is ANI JOE I red ur sites up online concerning marriage rites in some parts of Nigeria and in other parts of the world,this is a very great job u have done so far,pls bros I want to ask are u from Igbo land if u are pls tell me how ENUGU people do their own becouse my wife to be is from that state but myself am not from there

Hello Joseph. Welcome here and thanks for reading.
Enugu people are Igbos and so their marriage rites are done in much the same way as other Igbos, as described in this post. And, you can always ask your wife-to-be to explain more to you. Thanks.

Thanks, your article was enlightening, Few questions pls
1. Can stage 1 & 2 be combined,
2. Can stage 3 (ime ego) be done without the groom and bride physically present
3. My lady and her family live in Lagos, can we do stage 1-3 in the village and do stage 4 in lagos?
thanks, i appreciate the write up.

Yes, stages 1 and 2 can be combined – most people do that, especially when they can’t find time off work to do several travels to the lady’s village.
Yes, stage 4 can be done where her father resides, if you do the previous stages at her village.
But then, it’s a good idea to let her father/ parents know how you intend to go about it.

Great job you have done here. This is truly commendable. I noticed that in a few places in your write up, you used “Igbo traditional Marriage and Ibo woman”. “Marry an Igbo woman and ibo engagements” Please verify and correct.

Hello Obi, thanks for coming around:) And thanks also for pointing that out – it was deliberate. I’m igbo (too) and I know that some people call ‘us’ ‘Ibo’ people – very common when speaking pidgin English. Haha. So, that was my own fun way to identify with people who mis-call ‘us’ without knowing it. However, it’s not out of disrespect to our people. Again, thanks for taking the time to read every tiny detail – I appreciate greatly:) Hope to see you around more.

Hi, Am planing doing my engagement next year february and my wife to be she from ungbopala local government area of imo state. please i need to know the cost of the program and all items i need to buy for the ceremony. Please i need urgent reply. Thanks

The way to get an idea of what your Ibo traditional engagement will cost you is to (1) PRINT THE ABOVE LIST, and (2) Go to the market and price each one. After that, you should add up all the cost – that is your traditional introduction budget. **NOTE THAT: the above list is general across Igboland, and may vary slightly from what your inlaws will give you – it is mandatory to formally ask for it. This article is intended to give you an idea and prepare you on how much to budget. Hope you get it?

Hi Denisha, welcome to our Nigerian Weddings blog. Sure, re-marriage is acceptable in Igbo-land, and also everywhere in Nigeria. An igbo man is allowed to bring home any woman of his choice for marriage. So, yes – with any number of kids, you can marry an igbo man. Such marriages happen all the time. Good luck.

Hello Seun, first. let me congratulate you on your coming-soon wedding. Now, let me answer your question:
>Traditionally, No, you won’t be doing wine-carrying, as traditionally, a groom-to-be performs the marriage rites required by the bride’s people. Since you are Yoruba, he will be marrying you according to your people’s tradition (you are the bride). [But there’s a subtle way you can, scroll down to see my explanation].
>However, you may want to do a non-traditional wine carrying, when you change attire – I’ve seen that happen, and that is if your people will understand that it’s just for the show. You know, these days brides especially are borrowing traditional wedding styles across the country, to make their big day more personalised and different. I’ve seen Ibo brides add transparent veils to their attire, and have their groom-to-be lift it off their face during their trad (that’s borrowed from Yoruba weddings).
>Here are more ideas for styling an inter-tribal Naija wedding like yours: you may want your wedding day (trad and white wedding reception) to have a look-and-feel of both cultures. And some of the ways to do that is by the couple wearing outfits from both cultures (outfit 1 -Yoruba, and outfit 2 -Igbo attire), playing some Youruba and some Igbo music, serving some Yoruba Food and some Igbo food; some Igbo-style aso-ebi PLUS some Yoruba-style aso-ebi, and maybe also doing an igbo + yoruba-themed traditional wedding decor.
>>Traditionally, wine-carrying is only done when the bride-to-be is an Igbo lady (it’s the Igbo way of giving out their daughter’s for marriage, and the Yoruba’s and every other tribe have their own way).

Hi, pls I write to find out on how to go about my forth coming white/traditional marriage. The two event is coming up the same day, at the same venue. Pls I need your guide on the stages iinvolved, from the church to the bride’s place Till the end of event.
Thanks.