So it turns out I have something called an inverted uterus.. Instead of the uterus tilting forward, mine tilts way back towards my spine.

It makes intercourse extremely painful. I’ve only ever been with my fiancee sexually, so I never knew I had this condition until I was first with him. I thought at first it was just because I was so tight and we just had to get used to having sex. anytime I looked it up online everyone would say I wasn’t doing it right or needed more lube, but we used lots of lube, (Even though i have no problems producing my own lube… but when we would start having sex it would just go away in an instant) and we’ve tried different positions…but the only way I feel kind of alright is when I’m on top, but I can’t go fast enough for him to actually finish.

It sucks so bad. I feel so guilty. My fiancée says he doesn’t care, but how can he not care that I barely want to have sex because it hurts so bad? I want to be able to please him, and take care of his needs, and at the same time enjoy myself. But I can’t.

My Mom also has this problem, but she said its only an issue if the man is very big. Well lucky me, my fiancée is well endowed. Apparently my Dad didn’t have that problem. 😛

But seriously, i feel like I’m less of a woman because of this. we get in the mood with foreplay and I feel so good, but the second we start, I’m just cringing the whole time. I want to have sex, I have all the urges, but it just hurts so bad. I want to just say suck it up, but… Urghh I hate this. I make sure now that I make it easy for him to finish when we have an evening alone together. Oral, sexy clothes, lap dances, because at least I know then he won’t be long inside me. I like jump at the opportunity for just oral.

Sometimes if we go for a long time it starts to feel normal and I can sort of feel a little of the pleasure, but I always just thought I would enjoy sex. This isn’t what i imagined. 🙁 I always thought of myself as a person that would love sex because of the closeness and how it would feel good for both of us. Not to mention I’ve been able to bring myself to finish solo and it feels amazing, but the second anything goes in me, I am just wincing the whole time and trying not to show it on my face so that he doesn’t feel guilty because he thinks he’s hurting me. And now it just feels like I’m going to end up being that cold wife who won’t have sex with her poor husband.

I make sure I still give my fiancée what he needs sexually, but I’m terrified as we grow older I’ll stop all together and he’ll be left feeling rejected. 🙁

I thought for the first few months that it was just me not being used to sex and being too tight, but even if we have sex every day, it KILLS getting it in, like I have to close my eyes and clench my fists and try and not cry, and then once he’s in, it feels like he’s hitting something or just doesn’t fit, and then afterwards my entire lower area is so sore, like a giant bruise.

Thankfully, it doesn’t effect fertility, it just will probably be a hard labour they say.

Also! It says it causes much more painful periods, Which makes sense. I would throw up or pass out from pain some months.

I’m really sad. 🙁 I never thought I would have a problem with sex. Now I feel like my marriage will start off with this huge problem that we’ll have to deal with for the rest of our marriage. They always say a happy marriage has a lot to do with a active sex life. I feel like I want to, and I will continue to have sex with my fiancée, but I’m just mourning the loss of an easy sex life I guess. To be looking forward to something you’re entire life, something you can share with your husband and you can both enjoy together and then to find out you’re never going to really have that is very sad for me. 🙁

Thanks to anyone who will read this in advance. some support or advice would be extremely appreciated.

@Anon172: My Fiance & I were having a discussion last night about how sex is one of the most important things in a marriage according to research. But then we both agreed that it’s not about having kinky hardcore sex or like it came out of a porno, it’s about showing that person you care and want to be close. We both agree that you can have a great close sex life even without frequent penetrative sex. As long as you do what you can to make him feel loved and cared for in the bedroom (which it seems that you do!), then it is his responsibilty to consider your physical state as well. The fact that you make an effort is very important.

I think one important thing is to not always talk about sex with your Fiance in a negative light (such as: “I wish we could have a more normal sex life.” “I wish I enjoyed this more, because I feel bad that I dont.” etc…). The sex life that you share with your Fiance is normal for YOU, and it’s important to dwell on what is right in your sex life instead of wrong. If I’m being honest, I think I may have some sort of problem sexually as well, consider that it hurts, at least somewhat, 70% of the time. We just do what we can to work around it, and have fun with each other. I’m sure your Fiance understands where you are at with this; you can’t be made to feel guilty about something you can’t control.

I’m so sorry. I don’t have this issue, but since giving birth, sex has been really painful for me. I’ve seen a doctor and it turns out that on the mini-pill, my estrogen levels have plumeted (my doctor actually said “it’s like a dessert down here…”), but since I’m nursing, I can’t switch back to my old pill or it may affect my supply. I am doing some treatment, and it was better for awhile, but got worse again. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment coming up, so hopefully it will improve again…

I only share all that to say, I get where you are coming from. There is definitely a huge guilt factor, even though Darling Husband tries to make me feel better about it. We’ve probably had sex 10 times in the last 7 months. And I pretty much cringed through it every time.

It’s certainly not the same, because my issue will eventually go away, but I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, and it is super hard. Have a really frank discussion with your doctor about things you may be able to do to improve how it feels, keep communication open with your SO, and explore other things you can do to make one another feel good!

I think something like 1 in 3 to 1 in 5 women have a retroverted uterus (I’m one of them), so it’s a lot more common than you think. Can you talk to your doctor about this or maybe find a sex therapist in your area? They may have some recommendations.

Also, are you sure that all of your pain is due to your uterus? There may be another underlying condition.

I have a co worker with the same issue. I’m wondering if there isn’t something else going on in your situation, like vaginismus or maybe endo. Many women don’t have painful intercourse with retro. I would check with a sex therapist, maybe a pelvic floor specialist, etc.

TO @Kat: Wow girl, that was AMAZING… lol, are you sure you aren’t my age ???

This post was EXTREMELY wise !! And something that most people I think would only be able to frame into words after having lived thru the experience.

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TO @Anon172: for sure, SEXUAL Feelings and Interaction are an important part of marriage, and relationships that can maintain that element of “sexual playfulness” are ones that have a lot of LOVE in them, and long term viability…

BUT what goes on in the bedroom, can be vastly different for each couple… (there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG)… and it is also something that everyone has to figure out for themselves… be that because of a difference of opinion, tastes, likes, desires, or sometimes physical needs / limitations.

No where does this become more apparent in life than as we age. Sex changes dramatically as you age… what you think / do / feel at 25 is different than what it is the reality at 35, 45, 55 or beyond. With each stage of life comes about changes.

Sex is a combo of both mental / emotional and physical. And over time, those elements can change due to circumstance, health, etc.

At my age, I know many couples who’s sex life looks vastly different than the one they shared as younger people… BUT it is just as special to them… just in a different way.

I would say that my own sex life now is waaaay more about the Quality of the time we spend together in the bedroom and our emotional connection, than the acrobatic sex, or the quantity of sex I might have enjoyed in my 20s & 30s.

I also have friends & family members who are waaay older than me… in their 70s and 80s who also have fulfilling loving sexual relationships… and from the tid-bits they’ve shared I know that it isn’t necessarily penetration that they are relying on.

So I wouldn’t be too quick to beat yourself up over not being some Sexual Goddess in the Bedroom (because in the eyes of your man, you are)… in reality you are working with the elements that you bring to the relationship… which is the same thing that WE ALL deal with inside and outside of the Bedroom Door.

That said,

I agree with Jess1483: , UberClaire: & YUNO1: you will want to explore all the resources available to you to see if there aren’t otherways to “get there” as a couple

And YES Communication as always is THE KEY ELEMENET in every Marriage.

I can’t give you too much medical advice on this one (although I think you might want to look into vaginismus, too, given your mental state about this), but I just want to give you a HUG for all the bad feelings you have built up around this!

You guys are going to be just fine. You have a sex drive, which is more than many women have, whether due to antidepressants, stress, hormones, or resentment of their partner! You just have a (very understandable) preference for certain modes of intimacy over others. Your fiance seems totally willing to work with this, so take him at his word. Work on enjoying the pleasure that the two of you can easily have together.

I was with my now-husband for nearly 5 years before we had actual penetrative intercourse. There were lots and LOTS of orgasms exchanged before that point, though. Even after we moved on to PIV sex — there are still plenty of times that our sessions don’t necessarily conclude with penetration. Sometimes it’s nice to just give (or get) oral sex. I guarantee you that if you embrace the creative possibilities of the blow job, your fiance is NOT going to complain. Sex is as much about intimacy as about the specific configuration in which the orgasm happens.

I do think that you may want to talk with your gynecologist or a counselor who specializes in sexual issues about this, just to help you work through some of these issues and maybe see if there’s anything you can do about the pain. If it does turn out to be as much vaginismus as the tilted uterus (which is my theory), there are all kinds of things you can try and gradually work up to. If this is the case, you guys should think of it less as, like, this big bad shameful medical condition that has to be treated and more like a workout program that you’re both committed to.

I’m so sorry you are having problems. I have endometriosis and chronic pelvic pain and we just have to take it one day at a time. Some days, it hurts too much to finish by penetration so we take care of each other in other ways. Your fiance needs to be willing to work with you and should want to get you off in any way possible, whether it is oral, manual, or through penetration. Just find what works for the two of you.

I would also suggest seeing if you can find a specialist who might be able to help you manage the pain from your condition.

I have endo, and also an inverted uterus, as do a lot of women I know with endo (it seems to be more common in women with endo for some reason). I experience extremely painful natural periods, and also extremely painful intercourse; but in my case, it’s down to the endo. So, I do think that if you also suffer badly with your periods, you need to get endo ruled out; as if you DO have endo, it could well be the cause, and it can be treated (I’ve had two ops and while sex isn’t pain-free, it is much better than it was before my ops; I’m also on hormonal contraception to stop my periods which obv gets rid of the period pain, and, because the pain durig intercourse is worse during and around my period, it also helps with that too).

Otherwise, I would say that penetrative sex is not the be all and end all; I make sure I pleasure my partner in other ways the times that full sex is not possible. I have also learnt to adapt eg certain positions (doggy for eg) are out of the equation, as they exacerbate the pain, so we focus on positions which are more comfortable.

It can be very difficult, and upsetting, for both of us, but, we’ve been together for 7.5 years now and have what I think is a healthy, fun sex life despite the issues. It took me a long time to accept that sex will never be totally pain-free, but now that I have, I feel better able to deal with it.

I have a retroverted uterus. I think it’s fairly common and I’ve been with bigger men anid didn’t experience the pain you are describing, just initial discomfort I quickly got over 🙂 are you sure it’s about that and not something else?