Friday, August 12, 2011

Another Memorial Day

It's been a long long long time. A long strange journey. It hasn't been easy. I look back to the words my friends have shared with me and they are still alive. Living words. Living language. Sometimes I am haunted by them... but not in a bad way, but feeling like I've almost solved the biggest puzzle in the world, but then the person you most wanted to share it with is gone... out of reach. It's strange, I look in the mirror and sometimes I see the ghost of a face I once knew. And I wonder if I'm keeping him alive or if he is keeping me alive. There are all these words. Lots of words. They all seemed so important to me at the time. Now the most important things seem to be those things that transcended the words all together.
I'm sitting here looking at visions of other worlds. Their secret meanings. And like Philip K. Dick's anamnesis, I find great irony that I was looking for someone else to show me the way to get where only I know how to go. I'm looking at these other worldly visions, and looking back I realize that I had forgotten about my own until only recently. And I remember the things which have yet to happen. I know my time here is short. Each day I feel the Event drawing nearer.
Last night the music sang to me such sweet and embracing tunes, that I was ready to leave right then and there. At this point I feel like I really don't belong here anymore and I'm just biding my time till the Mothership comes. My ego tells me I'm doing important things here and that if I stay I will live a wonderful life. But in my soul and all the rest of me longs for adventure... for travel. I remember where it is I will go next, and after that, and after that, and after that... and I find I miss those places that I've never yet been to, again. I know that sounds strange. But from my point of view, I'm standing on a wave that has been standing still since time began. Timewave zero perhaps. And now I'm feeling this strange mix of boredom, malaise, sadness, joy, excitement, anticipation, awe, fear, and probably the strangest... loneliness. That strangest of all sensations when one is surrounded by people, some of them who even like you... and some who even love you. I know beyond a shadow of all doubt, this was the Buddah's feelings before he departed. And in my mind I can see the Day Light all ready. I need not make the same journey to find what is already here. And yet... and yet... and yet and yet... something still is not right. I am still here. I haven't made the journey yet. I am overwhelmed. I keep putting it off. I'm waiting for that blue malibu to show up with the swirling rainbow lights to and the driver that makes me smile ear to ear.
I believe in miracles. Life is a miracle. That I can write this here and now, and remember it from there and then at the same time, is a miracle. I smile. The whole universe smiles. I cry the whole universe weeps. When did I begin being separate from the whole? That's right, I'm not. I never was.
I remember swooping down and trying to comfort myself. I made the musical utterly magical. I did everything I could to make the whole universe sing. But it was heavy and dark because I was brooding and tearful. Then somehow, some miracle happened. A quick rabbit flashed by. Was it my imagination? Did the rabbit in the gym mirror really exist? And we all know about rabbits and their holes that go to other worlds. Take Alice for example. She SHOULD HAVE smoked a fat one with the rabbit then bought him a drink. Things would have gone more smoothly I imagine. Then somehow, some miracle happened. Anamnesis. I remembered what I had forgotten my whole life. And it's so strange. Because I realize it was always there. I just somehow wasn't conscious of it. I've spent my whole life searching for it without knowing I was.
I found that which is even more precious than even the philosopher's stone. I've tried to explain it to many people. But they never understand or they think I'm crazy or lost in "magical thinking". But I understand them! I understand how they are misunderstanding me. And yet I never seem to be able to cross that divide. I have an easier time communicating to my kitty cat. Strangely, SHE understands me better than most people. But then again, she spends more time listening to everything I have to say. Watching it unfold and learning to understand. Lately, I've tried to communicate the EXPERIENCE of what I've found. The few brave souls who dare to let me share, are usually 'freaked out' or blown away. My musician neighbor nearly lost it a few nights ago when as we talked... I told him all about his deepest innermost thoughts and desires... without meaning to. Quoted all his song lyrics. All his conversations. All his great motivations. And I knew in my own self, that it was like he was closer than a brother. I knew him inside and out. And I remembered him and all his potentials, even if he had forgotten me in HIS amnesia. I feel that way about pretty much everyone I meet these days. People stare at me for a long time as I walk down the street. They are busy trying to place me. I look so familiar to them, but they don't know from where. But I do. Sometimes they even approach me once in a while and say something like... "you look so familiar. I know you from somewhere." Then I smile big and playfully and reply, "I get that alot." This is Hollywood after all. Everybody is trying to be seen. Haha... how funny it is that I'm trying NOT to be seen. But each day, as I draw closer and nearer to the Event, it becomes harder and harder to stay hidden. My instinct is to flee with great urgency to the forest. To hear the whispers of the trees. The ethereal voices and ghosts of ages past whisper reassuring messages in the wind. But I guess I did that last time. I guess this time I'm SUPPOSED to be here in the middle of all these people with their money and fancy cars and Starbucks lattes and "snide drunken remarks".
My fortune cookie message says, "You should be able to undertake and complete anything." So I've chosen to undertake the Event.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

People may mean many things when they ask for a sign as I did. Trying to be completely open to whatever may show up and interpreting it as a sign. But our old friend sure does have a sense of humor. haha... I asked for a sign and well that's exactly what I got.On the way to the gym last night I encountered yet another sign. I took the wrong freeway exit and turned down an alley to turn around, and at then end of the street was this sign. Again several of the lights were out with the three remaining lights conveying a very different message.hmmm... the game's afoot... boys... ;)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

In a strange and wonderful synchronicity, the following name appeared lit up in neon on a 'boyga joint'. Hmmm... ;) Possibly a funny message to let us all know that a dear old friend has found and made it past the 'golden arches'?? or perhaps he just always wanted to see his name in neon lights ;) ... or maybe even a change of preference to let us all know that mcD's ain't so bad after all. In any case when you ask for a message and a sorely missed friend's name shows up in neon lights... well thats always a good sign!! Seems the game isn't over after all, but only just beginning...

Friday, October 12, 2007

Oct. 12, 2007 — Think "flying saucer" and UFOs or 1950s B movies come to mind (see "Earth vs. the Flying Saucers" or "The Day the Earth Stood Still"). But now researchers have built an unmanned aerial vehicle that looks and acts like the imagined thing.

The disc-shaped device can take off vertically from any surface, land practically anywhere, and if it accidentally contacts a building or cliff, it won't explode into a fireball, like those rascally helicopters.

These features could make the aircraft uniquely suited to flying in urban war zones, aiding with search and rescue in disaster areas, inspecting crops and pipelines, and taking aerial photographs...

Thursday, October 11, 2007

[Originally posted 5/15/2007 12:04 am]Brain Death caused by too much O2. Heard an article on 'CoastToCoastAm' Sunday 5/13 on 1570am at 6pm, while driving home from a bit of a road trip. Looking for references. Researcher said that brain death is caused by getting too much o2 to the brain when it stalls. that the brain cells go into a state of using almost zero o2 then when the heart is massaged and o2 pumped into the lungs, the sudden overdose of o2 kills the neurons. That there is a way to bing someone/thing back from the dead by SLOWLY ramping the brain up with 02 as slowly as it became deprived. that a gradual increase in o2 will let the brain come back gently and not shock it to death and the person will wake up when they have enough o2. Implications for comas and 'brain dead': more o2 may awaken those who are in deep comas as well as the 'dead'.

If anyone can find the researcher, book, or articles. Please let me know in comments.

Update [10/11/2007]: I haven't dropped this one. Just found the name of the phenomenon. Its called "the Lazarus Phenomenon". I still can't find any references to the interview I heard, the book, or the medical doctor who was interviewed. Very strange and amazing indeed. Something's stirring...Also, the above image links to a dvd on the topic, but it seems very religiously oriented. I chose it and the link, because it seems to have all the themes from the non-extant radio show I heard. This really is science... somewhere... so don't be overly put off by the religious stuff, it'll have to do until I find the real stuff I'm aiming for. Should make for an interesting study topic though.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The craft is almost completely silent and moves very smoothly. It usually moves slowly until it decides to take off. Then it moves VERY quickly and is out of sight in the blink of an eye. MORE THAN ANYTHING I simply want to understand what this is and why it is here?

It is almost totally silent but not quite. It makes kind of "crackling" noises. It's hard to describe them but they are only intermittent and not very loud, but you can notice them. Sometimes there is a very slight hum that sounds kind of mechanical, almost like when you are near very large power lines. But it is nothing loud like a jet engine, it is very quiet for the most part.

It moves almost like an insect. If you have ever seen a bug on a pond, it is kind of like that. It is VERY smooth and slow most of the time, but then every now and then it will rotate very quickly and go VERY fast into another direction, then stop, and repeat the process all over again. There is just something very unnatural about the way it moves.