The advantage of seniority and maturity is hindsight.

By CATA SALAZAR-DE...

September 18, 2017

It doesn’t necessarily mean that the older you are, the more mistakes you’ve made. You don’t have to learn the hard way. If you’re wise, you learn not only from your own mistakes but also from other people’s. You don’t have to pay the tuition. They do!

One time, decades ago, I had a “getting-to-know-you dinner” with my lady boss. We had a fledgling friendship then, but we trusted each other even before we met. How so?

Well, you see, I was recommended to her by her sister -- thus, she pirated me from the organization I was working for. She (my boss), on the other hand, was a long-time classmate of one of my best friends who spoke very highly of her.

So we trusted and “chose” each other by only one degree of separation. It was an auspicious start to a professional relationship that soon evolved into a wonderful friendship, and then, much later on, developed into a deep sense of sisterhood.

If only all work relationships ended up this way!

Upon working with her, I noticed right away that my boss was a very humble person -- even if she was intelligent, lovely, elegant and refined, had impeccable taste in everything from clothes to food to furniture, and had excellent executive skills. You could say she almost had it all. Aside from that, she came from a very wealthy family.

I remember that back in school, she sometimes came in a chauffeured limousine. (Which she quickly downplayed by saying, “Oh. That was my dad’s.”) But now that she was working, she drove to the office in this cute little Beetle. You know, the classic Volkswagen Beetle.

So at that dinner, just the two of us, I asked her this question: “How come you’re so humble even if you’re rich, smart, and lovely?” I wasn’t boot licking. It was an honest question. I guess she knew it, thank goodness.

She paused, midway, as she brought a forkful of something to her mouth. Very quietly, she said, “I’ve seen how proud people always suffer terribly, in the end. So I got scared of being proud. I always try to remind myself not to be proud. Because the consequences are always painful. Very painful.”

That floored me. She was, maybe, only 26 or 27 then. It was decades later, however, when I was already in my 50s, that I realized how wise she was.

In hindsight, there were several things that made my ex-boss one of my best friends now. We may not see each other as often as circumstances allow, but whenever we meet, our conversations are deep. We are genuinely interested in each other, so we ask lots of questions. We don’t waste time talking about other people and their misfortunes. However, we have this penchant for talking about the people dearest to us -- how they constantly amaze or frustrate us.

Our conversations are rich, funny, informative, interesting, multi-faceted, open. We don’t play games. We don’t wear masks. We have a tendency to meander at times, but our conversations are full of current and practical wisdom.

We don’t chit-chat. We don’t small talk. We dive into the pithy things right away. And when we laugh -- oh, how we laugh!!! Not escapist or nervous laughter. But real, honest-to-goodness laughter caused by something we find outrageously funny.

By the way, to us seniors, something funny, something hilarious, is always worth talking about! Because happy hormones, endorphins, are one of the coolest things God invented. They boost our immune system, aside from making us feel on top of the world!

In hindsight, I know now that to be happy is to be wise. But to be grumpy, critical and negative is to be awesomely stupid. It’s not only a horrible waste of time, it’s also toxic. Low serotonin levels is bad news. Some people die in the prime of life -- depressed, deluded, completely dissatisfied with life. You don’t want to go there.

Both the happy and harmful hormones/chemicals in our body can be produced by the attitudes we choose to have. So, it’s not rocket science to be happy.

In hindsight, there really are only two things that can make us happy or sad. First is our relationship with God -- or the lack thereof. And second is our relationship with others -- or the lack thereof.

If we have an intimate, thriving relationship with God, then most assuredly, we will also have thriving, healthy relationships with others -- whether they be family, friends, or work mates.

The most miserable people are those who have no intimate relationship with God, and therefore, have no thriving, meaningful relationships with others.

At the end of the day, God is always the best reason to do whatever it is you’re doing. All else is just piling up dung heap. And it’s always wise to remember: People are always more important than projects.

In hindsight, my relationship with God, and my relationship with others, have given me the most happiness, security, and significance in life.

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