'Tough Talk' With Your Aging Parents Is Now More About Prescription Drug Abuse Than Finances

Prescription drug abuse among aging parents has become a major concern for the sandwich generation. Shutterstock

It used to be that having the “tough talk” with your aging parents meant trying to get them to open up about their finances and plans for their future, including their desires about what they want us to do when they die. But, a new survey, “The Tough Talk: Aging Parents and Substance Abuse,” commissioned by WellCare Health Plans, Inc., opens up a whole new area to explore with those older relatives, including, for some of us, with our spouses.

More than half of those surveyed – all of whom were adults with living parents/in-laws, as well as with at least one child aged 13 or older – reported that they are more concerned about prescription drug abuse with their aging parents than with their children. Yet almost two-thirds feel less able to help their parents than they are to help their kids. One of the reasons for this, which the survey also revealed, is that more than half don’t know what prescription drugs their parents take.

“Understandably, it may feel uncomfortable and invasive for adults to ask their aging parents what prescription drugs they’re taking, or how much alcohol they consume,” said Michael Polen, executive vice president, Medicare and operations at WellCare. “Despite this, however, it’s in the best interest of parents’ health to understand exactly what they are taking – and how often – to keep them safe and in good health.”

Unfortunately, as the survey showed, 75 percent of those surveyed said they may not even be able to recognize signs of substance abuse.

I recently spoke with Roberta Griffith, who, as a retiree from a career as a teacher and principal, went back to school to get a credential so she could volunteer as a substance abuse counselor. “I’m not at all surprised to learn that most of us don’t know what to look for concerning substance abuse,” she told me. “I didn’t know either, until I started this program.” According to Griffith, some behaviors by a person dependent on prescription drugs – like forgetfulness, sadness, or occasional disorientation – are often mistaken simply as normal behavior for someone who is aging.

The key, Griffith said is not only to recognize that there’s a problem, but also to be able to deal with it. It’s not going to be easy, she warns.

Indeed, as I’ve written in my earlier book, How to Care for Your Aging Parents, broaching difficult subjects like aging, finances, and most certainly substance abuse, are likely to cause a negative reaction. The WellCare survey supports that claim.

A quarter of the respondents said that even if they suspect there is drug abuse, they fear their parents would get angry with them if they brought up the subject. A significant number surveyed also said they didn’t know how to start a conversation with their parents about substance abuse. And a quarter said they thought their parent’s doctor would address the situation.

With Roberta Griffith’s expert guidance, here are five suggestions if you have any reason to think that your aging parents may have a problem with the prescription drugs they are taking.

5 Suggestions: If You Think Your Aging Parent Has a Prescription Drug Problem:

Be a snoop. Learn what prescription drugs your parents are taking and check their medicine chest or drug cabinet so you’re aware. Pay special attention if they’re taking any opioids or benzodiazepines (tranquilizers). Know which doctors they see and pay special attention when you see prescription drugs from different pharmacies.

Observe your parents taking their medicines. Note when and how often they take each drug to make sure they’re following the directions, especially if the drugs come from different pharmacies. And be concerned if your parents also take over-the-counter medicines, supplements, or other non-prescription drugs.

Ask about sleeping habits. Poor sleep can be a sign of distress and may have a relation to the drugs they are taking. Encourage your parents to speak to their doctor if they tell you they are not sleeping well.

Offer to go to the doctor with them. Hearing first hand about their conditions and being able to share with the doctor your observations and concerns will help. The doctor may not know about your parent’s mood swings, memory loss, and other symptoms of prescription drug abuse.

Talk about their social life. Knowing about your parents’ social life can give you clues about whether they are depressed or having difficulties. Pay particular attention when your parents’ activity level changes or when they no longer do the things that used to make them happy.