6.30.2011

When I fall in love it will be foreverOr I'll never fall in loveIn a restless world like this isLove is ended before its begunAnd too many moonlight kissesSeem to cool in the warmth of the sunWhen I give my heart it will be completelyOr I'll never give my heartAnd the moment I can feel that you feel that way tooIs when I fall in love with you.And the moment I can feel that you feel that way tooIs when I fall in love with you.

6.29.2011

-It has recently been brought to my attention that I know some really, really incredible people. This includes, but is in no way limited to, Tiffany Pergler, Arianna Larkin, and Hannah Bateman. If you do not know them, you most definitely should. Because they will basically change your life.
-After watching The Bachelorette, I know exactly what I want in a guy. Or, more like what guy I want. For myself. Ben F. Mmmmmmmm. Something about that curly brown hair just gets me. And the fact that he's a man.
-I forgot how much I love working in hardware stores. Until now.
-I want to go to a cabin.
-While on my way back to Logan a few days ago, I heard on the radio about a 'Country Idol' or something, and I have decided to sign up for it. Oh yeah.
-I hate cold sores.
-I love hiking. I seriously love it. SO MUCH.
-There should be a thunderstorm in Logan, right now, all night.
-I am so glad I cut my hair this short. I love it. A lot. Therefore, I am going to keep it short for a long time....until I change my mind yet again.
-I'm watching Dan in Real Life right now, and I just realized that the cop who keeps pulling him over is Mr. Shoester on Glee. Don't believe me? Look it up.
-I have eaten so much today that I think I can go a week without eating and still not be hungry.
-Brushing my teeth makes me happy.
-My family is hilarious when they're not driving me nuts.
-Life, overall, is good.

6.24.2011

For how much I love my family, I hate them.
I hate them for going on vacation without me. For not trying harder to get me to go. And I know that would have been a little difficult, because I had three job interviews while they were lounging on the beach, but still. It would be nice to have someone who cared more about having the whole family going on family vacation than their daughter getting a job. Because that is seriously how it feels.
I've never missed a vacation with them. So that alone feels crappy.
And I'm used to knowing that if I were to randomly go home, they would be there. That's a comforting feeling. But right now, I want to go home and see them, and they're not there.
I wonder if they realize how selfish I'm being.
I don't hate them. I just miss them. So much. And although I've had so many unforgettable things happen here in Logan already, I would have traded them for memories with my family in a heartbeat.
Okay, that's a lie. I'm pretty damn fond of almost all of my Logan memories.
Take that, Havey Family!

6.20.2011

is messed. It's five thirty in the morning, people. I haven't slept yet.
Somehow, this is someone else's fault. I haven't figured out how, or even who, but it's their fault.
I had one of those weekends. You know what I'm talking about? The really crappy ones that feel like they will never get better? Well, even though mine got better, it was still one of the worst weekends I can remember having.
It wasn't because of anything or anyone in particular. Okay, that's kind of a lie. It was a lot of anythings and a lot of anyones all piling up. There were comments made that broke down the last bit of self esteem that I had. There are feelings between myself and someone else that I still can't figure out, which really stresses me out. My family left for vacation yesterday morning, the first vacation I haven't been able to go on, and I honestly don't feel like they even care.
I really didn't feel like anyone cared about me at all. I know, sob story. Usually when I feel like that, I can prove myself wrong and make myself feel better. But there was something about this time. I couldn't get out of this....depression. Some of my feelings truly scared me. I didn't think I would come out of it anytime soon, and I felt like no one had even noticed.
Alone. That's the best way I can describe it.
When I went to church, it seemed like each talk, each lesson, was directed to me. I was having a hard time appreciating either of my dads for anything they do, and of course the talks were on fathers. I've been doubting I'd ever get an answer to any prayer, and the lesson was about not expecting a big 'tada' moment to answer your prayers, but to find the answers in the little things that happen everyday, or in the things other people do for you. I felt unworthy, not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, and just plain awful, and the thought given was that we are all children of God, and therefore we are always fully and completely loved and cared about.
Finally, after days of sadness, I started to feel better.
Then my new bishop wanted to talk to me. To get acquainted. To know who I am. Talking to him, I started to feel like I was worth something again. His reactions and opinions and thoughts made me proud of my ability to stay positive, regardless of what I've been through growing up. That really hit home, especially because I didn't sugarcoat anything I told him. It was the straight up truth.
And when he gave me a Priesthood Blessing, he said all of the right things. More than what I told him. It was like I was getting a message that all of those things I'd been feeling would be proven wrong. And they were.
Sometimes, I forget how amazing the Gospel is, when all I have to do is look around me at all of the blessings that I am so grateful to call my own.
The end. Show's over.

6.10.2011

That is Cow. He was my favorite stuffed animal ever. I slept with him every night. Whenever I looked at him, I thought of the whole experience of the removal of my appendix, which I suppose isn't usually the greatest, but it was for me. He was my Comfort Cow.
And now, he is gone.
I had another stuffed animal that I slept with as well.

He's a cute little teddy bear with a purple bow. I named him Kenny, because that is the first thing I called him. And that is how I name things.
When cow disappeared, I slept with Kenny. (Lots of pun intended.)
Then, he and Berkleigh fell in love.

He is the only thing she does not put in her mouth. (This time, there is no pun intended.)
She sleeps with him by her side every night as well, and she stops crying when she sees him. I could not take that away from her, so I promised her she could keep him as long as she kept him forever and never changed his name.
So, there you go. I have no stuffed animals to sleep with.
How will I ever survive?