MLS Dogpile | Conspiracy of Losers

Does no one want to win this thing? No one? Oh, shut up and put your hands down, Columbus. Take a look, if you will, at who's hot as we plow through this critical stretch of the season. We'll use the last five results as a measure of en fuego-ness. So, on 10 points from the last 15 on offer, we have the league-leading Crew and...the 'Zards? The 12th place, we-haven't-a-post-season-prayer 'Zards? 8 points? How about the two worst teams in the league in bottom of the table San Jose and New York? 7 points? Well, the Galaxy will make the playoffs, but for United, RSL, and Dallas, the playoff chances are slim, slimmer, and Kate Moss.

So it's little surprise that the Crew remain atop the Pile this week. Houston get to stay at number two by virtue of having all of their close rivals lose or draw. Chicago remains stalled at three on the back of three consecutive draws, and the Galaxy's shocking run towards the top appears to have fizzled. And such is the woeful state of the playoff battle that Colorado rise on the back of two draws against non-playoff sides this week, while the Revs' win boosts them a hearty three spots. Seattle sink, but not past Chivas, who Kljestan-ed away a massively important three points at home to the Red Bulls.

DC United continued to shoot themselves in an foot that's hanging by mere tendons now, while KC saw whatever playoff hope remained sail off into the sunset over the left field wall in the little ballpark. Toronto nearly managed to grab a road victory against Chicago, but their defense continues to bite them in their collective Canuck-ian bum, eh? Dallas posted another multi-goal victory, but is there anything more pointless than Dallas multi-goal victories? RSL continue to implode when the big questions are asked, while the Quakes and Red Bulls each only have one loss in their last five, but can't seriously be considered for moves up the Pile by virtue of those woeful total point hauls and their positions at the foot of their respective conferences.