How to have a shared orgasm with your partner

There benefits of climaxing together are tenfold. Here's how to achieve it!

By
Jess Wilde

22/02/2019

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A shared orgasm, where both partners climax together at the same time, is arguably one of the greatest joys of sex, and yet surprisingly few straight couples manage to achieve this every time they have sex.

Having said that, most couples have achieved the holy orgasm grail at some point in their relationship, so we know it is doable. We speak to sex expert Jess Wilde about the secret to achieving simultaneous orgasms:

The benefits of coming together

There are clear benefits to climaxing together - it means that you can both share in that glorious sex afterglow at the same time, making sexual bonding even more intense.

Climaxing together means you can share in that glorious sex afterglow at the same time.

Studies have shown that sexual satisfaction can last up to 48-hours after the act and the stronger the 'afterglow', the better the relationship in the long-term.

Research by the sex toy company Lovehoney found that almost four out of ten couples (37%) share orgasms at least half the time they have sex. In half of cases, one partner reaches their trigger point and waits for the other half to catch up, according to the survey of 4,400 people.

If you are struggling to enjoy a shared orgasm with your partner, try these 6 tips to help you hit the high notes together:

1.Focus on your pelvic floor

For women, the key to climaxing is a strong pelvic floor muscle (kegels). The more toned your kegels are, the quicker and easier it is to climax (and the more intense those climaxes will be).

The more toned your kegels are, the easier it is to climax and the more intense it will be.

In order to keep your kegels in peak condition you need to exercise them. Don't be confused by the names, including kegel balls, kegel toners, jiggle balls, Ben Wa balls or love balls. The list goes on, but they all do the same thing. They're all effectively weights for your vagina. They come in a variety of sizes and weights to suit your experience level (first-time kegel exercisers and women who've recently given birth need lighter, bigger balls, while young non-mothers could start with something more advanced) and are inserted into the vagina.

Your kegel muscles will naturally grip around these balls to keep them inside you, giving them a jolly good workout. With regular practice and progress, you should begin noticingyour orgasms becoming strongerand more easy to achieve.

2. Hit the right spot

Men can help their partner to orgasm by hitting the right spot during sex. The ultimate angle for sensational sex is 27 degrees - providing the most effective stimulation of the G-spot.

This sounds tricky but one way of achieving this is by using a position enhancer - designed to be able to comfortably support bodies in the throes of passion. Sex pillows like this help you to get into the optimum pose for pleasure, they also give you the support you need to maintain the position.

3. Lube up

Lubrication, or lack thereof, can be a massive barrier to orgasm for women. To make matters worse, the more abrasive play becomes, the less you'll naturally lubricate. It's a vicious circle. Knowing that everything is slip-slidingly good "down there" means you can mentally relax into the experience and not worry about discomfort or being wet enough.

4. Slow him down

Climaxing during intercourse is more difficult for women than men. Three-quarters of men (75 per cent) orgasm almost every time they have full sex compared to only 28 per cent of women, according to a recent Lovehoney survey. And 61 per cent of women said they sometimes found it difficult to orgasm during any sexual activity.

Men climax more quickly than women, so one way of increasing your chances is slowing him down.

Men tend to climax more quickly than women, so one way of increasing your chances of a shared orgasms is by slowing him down.

You can do this by the man wearing a love ring during intercourse. This has the dual benefit of slowing him down while providing added stimulation for her.

5. Focus on the clitoris

Did you know there are 12 types of female orgasm? And yes, it is possible to have them all. But the most common and easily achieved is the clitoral orgasm.

Masturbation should help you to work out what turns you on and what helps you to achieve clitoral orgasms. You can use these experiences to explain to your partner how best to help you achieve orgasm during full sex.

6. Stimulate the G-spot

this is a key way to enhance pleasure for the woman. A great product to try is a wearable vibrator which provides stimulation for the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time and can be worn during intercourse.

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