Beyond

Body Shame

The Truth About Shame

Shame shuts us down.

Especially body shame.

Studies show heartbreaking statistics. Not only do the VAST majority of women (90% by some accounts) experience shame around some aspect of their appearance and feel uncomfortable every time they look in the mirror, the shame transcends to other areas of their lives and limits their ability to be true to themselves in their relationships and at work.

“What we think, hate, loathe and wonder about the acceptability of our bodies reaches much further and impacts far more than our appearance. The long reach of body shame can impact who and how we love, work, parent, communicate and build relationships.”

Brene Brown

The Shameful Truth

Research on self-worth shows that ever since the body image movements of the 1920s, women began to relate to their appearance as a source of self-worth. This relationship has become increasingly central thanks to the relentless messages we receive tethering the perfect (and unrealistic) body and culturally defined flawless appearance with acceptance. And an ensuing moral superiority that classifies anything less as disgusting and inferior, and thus subject to rejection.

A perfect appearance is no longer about vanity, its about our very survival.

Which is why love your body messages and self-acceptance movements are just not sinking in. They’re logical responses to a need that’s become rooted in our psyche and affects us at our core. When we see ourselves as flawed and defective, we feel disgusted by ourselves, and ashamed of who we are as a person.

And so we withdraw, we hide, and we keep the shame hidden like a dirty little secret. We engage in people pleasing behaviors for fear of judgment about our apparent flaws. We punish our bodies with relentless exercise and disordered eating patterns to prove our worth. And we even undergo the surgeon’s scalpel to fix those body parts that disgust us – laugh lines, signs of aging, ‘imperfect’ features, and the magical parts that have borne lives and fed hungry children.

And our culture nods its approval and keeps the shame cycle alive.

But there’s a dismal price we pay. We never get to know our real selves and live empty, meaningless lives. And we leave behind a legacy we would rather not call our own.

The Way Out

We change from the warm receptacle of self-worth, not the cold isolation of shame.

And the research on self-worth shows that we grow a sense of worthiness by moving past the self-conscious focus of shame to taking action towards what we truly want to make of our lives.

But this takes courage – and courage requires empathy. It requires our own compassion, but also that of people we trust, people who can listen to our shame without judgment, people who can cheer us along in our journey while holding space for our struggles and imperfections.

This forum is about helping us do so. Because we cannot realize our potential as an interdependent species locked in our separate panic rooms and shame chambers. Supportive and non-judgmental communities where we give and receive empathy, bind us in our common struggles and build our courage to live the lives waiting to live within us.

Because that’s how we grow up and become the adults we’re waiting for. And help our culture do the same.

Note: Please read the Forum Guidelines before registering for the forum. It will help us maintain a purpose driven focus, and benefit the entire community committed to living a meaningful life.

My Story

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

Anais Nin

I’m a self-worth researcher, a positive psychology coach, mother of four wonderful children, daughter to two doting parents – and a lover of life. But for years, I lived my life from the sidelines, first mired in an eating disorder, and then imprisoned by body shame, much like hundreds of millions of other women.

This is a sobering truth of female reality. Body shame, which includes shame around any aspect of our appearance, affects us more than we care or dare to admit. A universal secret that transcends social class, race, culture and even age group. There are more adult women entering eating disorder clinics today than adolescent girls…

Which is why I’m so passionate about fighting it. My background – academic, professional and personal – has given me an understanding of the factors that lead to body shame and insecure striving, an appreciation of what it takes to overcome deep insecurities and psychological fears, and a compelling desire to help those caught in its tentacles so they lead meaningful lives.

That’s the purpose of this forum, where I hope we come together as bold and brave women, committed to breaking the silence around body shame, and building a society where we wholeheartedly pursue the bright and fulfilling futures ahead of us.

This forum is guided by a paradigm shifting perspective on our bodies through a purpose-oriented framework.

Its about moving past feelings of shame around our bodies, and identifying and committing to what truly matters to us so that we each live full and fulfilled lives.

Its about sharing our shame so we break the silence and find courage in other empathetic and understanding women.

Its about expressing our dreams so we’re drawn and committed to what’s possible and not pulled back by the fear of what’s at stake.

Its about moving past disgust to a sense of awe towards our bodies and the desire to nurture them so they become the vehicle to a lived life.

Its about sharing our insights and successes so we may help and inspire others have a meaningful breakthrough on our common journey.

Together we can choose to respond powerfully to external messages rather than let our shame define us. Because secret-keeping and playing safe has never made anyone more secure. It only breeds greater insecurity and limits our ability to achieve anything worthwhile.

What this forum is not:

A place to champion body love and body acceptance, except as part of the journey towards what truly matters.

A place to blame parents, caregivers or society for their role in promoting body shame, except to understand its sources and assumed truths.

A place to promote personal products and services. Any such posts will be removed.

A substitute for psychological support. The opinions, advice or information expressed in the forums is provided by the user community, and as such is not a substitute for scientific evidence.

A substitute for in-person coaching. If you would like one on one services, please consider signing up here ().

Since the forum is community driven, we each have an equal responsibility to ensure that it’s a compassionate space where we feel safe to share our stories of shame, of struggles, of dreams and successes, and where we each come together in empathy and understanding to tap into our shared wisdom and unleash our human brilliance.

Rudeness or abusive language directed at other members or the site owner will be removed and the originator will be blocked from subsequent access to the forum.

If you choose to Register, you will be asked to indicate your acceptance of these guidelines.

I’d love for you to join our

tribe!

Get weekly tools and inspiration to manage your fears and insecurities (because we all have them), and live your best life with grit and grace.