n. an ill-tempered man-beast whose body consists not of meat, bones, and skin, but rather 185 lbs. of well-defined, fully ambulatory fat. Biting sarcasm is his paint, the keyboard is his brush, and the seedy underbelly of the Internet is his canvas. Known to have an unwieldy head of hair, poor eyesight, and hostility toward ampersands.

"I served with Snark Chariot. I knew Snark Chariot. Snark Chariot was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Snark Chariot."

(n.) a person who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about masturbation, and invests in only the finest lubes and/or sex toys in order to achieve the highest levels of independent sexual gratification.

You may like to stroke it, good sir, but I am a masturbaficionado — I take such things seriously.

(noun) The state of needing to urinate as much and as often as you drink, with an immediacy that seems to increase with every sip; generally associated with binge-drinking over a long period of time. See also: Breaking the Seal.

After six Red Hooks, three double Jamesons, an unfortunate shot of Patron and a fru-fru drink I finished while my date was in the bathroom, I have at last achieved peequilibrium. Please escort me to the nearest hospital or detox center, thank you.

(n) an activity (or series of activities) intended to stimulate the penis until it is erect, generally for the purpose of sexual intercourse. An underfunded dickstarter campaign may lead to a condition known as blueballs.

It wasn't long before my partner's dickstarter campaign was fully funded and we got down to executing our business plan.