Share this with

If in doubt, read He’s Just That Not Into You (Picture: New Line Cinema)

You like him, you like, really like him. You just can’t work him out. At all.

Here’s 22 signs he absolutely, under no circumstances, wants to be your boyfriend.

1. He doesn’t invite you to family events. And that time you bumped into his aunt whilst shopping in Sainsbury’s for wine and crisps? He didn’t even introduce you. Not as a girlfriend, not as a friend, not as anyone. Sigh.

2. He’s happy to stay over at yours, but he’s always got a ‘busy day ahead of me’, and he’s never been in your company later than breakfast.

3. He says things like: ‘Shall I come over after dinner?’ and ‘How about we have a sleepover after I’ve been out with the boys?’. Neither of these things mean he’s trying to squeeze in much-needed time with you, just your vagina.

Advertisement

Advertisement

4. He pretty much always replies to your texts, but only a couple of hours later just as you’re debating whether to send a follow-up. Oh you.

5. He’s never once tagged you in anything on social media, not ever. Not even to reply to a tweet. FML.

6. Date nights usually consist of takeaways in, rather than, you know, going out and him risk being seen with you.

7. He’s used the phrase ‘I like where we are now’. Uh huh. Good one.

8. He cancels on you quite often. Usually because he has vital nights out with the boys he’s forgotten about.

9. He’s gone down on you once; you’ve gone down on him no less than eight times.

10. You’ve never actually seen him in daylight because all your plans happen to be at night. He could even be a vampire for all you know.

11. When you casually mention you have no weekend plans, he doesn’t jump in and suggest you hang out. Because y’know, he doesn’t actually like you all that much.

12. When you finally gear up the courage to ring him, it goes to voicemail, all 11 times.

13. He has, on several occasions, mostly when you’ve been a bit drunk and teary, said that you two can’t make it official because things are ‘complicated’ and used the classic ‘I’m not ready for another relationship’ line.

14. He’s avoided seeing you by using some sort of elaborate excuse that involves FIFA.

Advertisement

Advertisement

15. When you ‘accidentally’ bump into him on a night out, he refuses to hold your hand or dance with you. Although you’re definitely sure he was grinding on that blonde girl over there a second ago…

16. Whilst cruising about in his car, he’s told you to sit in the back so that his friend can have the front passenger seat. Which is cute and polite, no?

17. He’s constantly on his phone when he’s not with you, which doesn’t really explain why he takes so long to reply to you. Hmmm…

18. He treats your birthday with as much excitement as a root canal.

19. Girls keep commenting on his Facebook profile with random ‘in jokes’, and you have no idea who they are.

20. He leaves you confused. Confusion = He’s just not that into you. Soz.

21. He hasn’t cut down on nights out with the boys since meeting you, at all. But what the clever little chap does do is ignore your texts and calls while he’s out for a ‘messy one with the lads’. Uh huh.

22. He doesn’t make you feel like one of the most special people in the world (try not to vom down yourself).