Friday, February 25, 2005

This is an actual item that is for sale on Ebay. I love how it depicts W rolling up his sleeves, getting ready to get down to some serious business, with that stern, upward-looking face. Plus, you can never go wrong invoking the top two sacred Americana items du jour: the flag, and 9/11. It’s practically beatific. I’m so glad the artist stopped short of putting a ring of light around our blessed leader’s disturbing cranium. That would’ve just been too much. Here’s the actual text from the site:

“"The Reminder" - Created by renowned Historical Artist Ken Hendricksen of Kennebunkport, ME, this fine patriotic print is "hand signed" by the artist & mounted on a laminated wall plaque. Measures: 9.5" x 11.5". Also available 12" x 14.5" (email for quote). (Actual print does not list "The Reminder".)You'll be proud to display this in your home or office. Buy w/ confidence. Safe, courteous delivery. Deliveries to ALASKA , PUERTO RICO & HAWAII cost $25.00. No insurance or proof of delivery for APO addresses. WHY WAIT? BUY IT NOW!”

A few thoughts.

1. I’ve been to Kennebunkport, Maine, and somehow it doesn’t surprise me that someone from there would create something like this. It’s a little…how shall I say…quaint. And by quaint I mean podunk.

2. Wow. “Hand signed.” Not to be confused with regular old hand signed, without the quotation marks. Obviously they’ve never heard of the term “Autopen,” although granted, from a S&M (that’s Sales and Marketing, you sicko) standpoint, “Hand signed” sounds a lot better than “Artist’s signature reproduced on print just like the rest of the print.”

3. Whaddya mean the actual print does not list “The Reminder?” That’s my favorite part of this “fine patriotic print.” It emphasizes how important it is to remember…wait, what is it I was supposed to remember again? See? We DO need a reminder. They should be ashamed of themselves for such blatantly false advertising, which is obviously part of the left-wing-Yid-controlled Media. They want us to forget…uh…whatever it was we were supposed to remember.

4. How do you know I’d be “proud to display this in my home or office”? Don’t you tell me how to feel.

5. Are they absolutely sure that each and every delivery will be courteous? Do they have some sort of mind-control device that only works on mail delivery people? And where can I get one?

6. What self-respecting Puerto Rican would buy this?

7. True. Why should I wait? As a decent, God-fearing American, I owe it to the memories of the people killed on that tragic, fateful day to purchase as many copies of this soon-to-be-hallowed-masterpiece as possible as soon as possible and place one, no, better make that two, in every room of my house. I wonder if they make a bumper-sticker sized one. Plus I wouldn’t mind emblazoning this patriotic tableau on my toilet lid.