Nicola Sturgeon promises second once in a lifetime Scottish independence referendum

Nicola Sturgeon, in an original and unprecedented political move, has today announced plans for a second ‘once in a lifetime’ Scottish independence referendum.

It is rumoured that a third, fourth, or even fifth referendum could be in the works depending on the queue length in Greggs on the way in to parliament that morning. “The Scottish government has the capacity for up to ten ‘once in a lifetime’ referendums, no more, no less” a source has reported.

Now that ‘Indyref: 2 Indy 2 Ref’ has got the green light, commentators predict that it’s only a matter of months before Sturgeon announces ‘The Indy and The Ref: Edinburgh Drift’, the third instalment of this highly successful political stalemate.

One local man, who requested not to be named, had this to say on the day’s events:
“I knew that Sturgeon had already labelled the independence referendum as ‘once-in-a-lifetime’, so when I heard about this new one I thought ‘well that’s it – my time’s up’. It was a strangely transcendental moment.”