Last year I went to my first sober party ever, the week before Christmas. It was really special, because I was doing chemotherapy at the time and I had no hair, no eyebrows, and no eyelashes. I was in a brace because of an operation I had to remove a tumor.

My sober friends scooped me up and put me in the car and then took me to a meeting and asked if I wanted to go to a sober party. Some people from meetings didn’t recognize me.

But nobody was phased. They were all happy to see me and glad I was sober.

I love sobriety.

I went back to the same party tonight. It was great to say “here I am” – “I’m still here, and here’s my hair”.

I’ve heard people say, “God did for me what I couldn’t do for myself.”

I’ve also heard some people say when they first got sober they didn’t know whether to brush their teeth or load the dishwasher.

At 14 months sober, I remember sitting on my couch in my living room next to my sponsor and deciding which oncologist to go to. Just yesterday I thought about that and I got real still because I for the first time I realized the magnitude of what God doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves is.

I Walk Alone

I kept thinking, “it would be great to go to a movie, or a play, or the arboretum, or something fun.

Ho-hum

Bah-hum-bug.”

Well, here’s my new thing I’m doing – when I think, “I’d like to do this or do that.” Then I promise myself I’m going to go, EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO ALONE. I order the tickets online, or make dinner reservations. Then I text five friends in recovery and ask if anyone would want to join me. But I go no matter what.

NO MATTER WHAT

The worst thing that can happen is I go see a movie by myself then have five sober friends calling me back over the next 24-48 hours.

If I end up going alone, I get in the car, jam my music and go. And I have to say doing something fun alone is one of the most empowering experiences ever!

The Best Christmas Present Ever

Calls, texts, emails, and letters from sponsees are the best Christmas present I’ve ever received next to the Lone Star Rodeo Barbie my Grandmother gave me when I was 7.

It got really dark for me the other day and I was thinking, “I just don’t think I can do this much longer. What’s the use? Are things really better?”. I keep praying for a Power Greater than me to send me a letter in the mail. Something that would fix the pain.

I stepped outside and had a postcard from a person, we’ll just call them the magic sponsee.

It had a list of four things the magic sponsee is praying for in my life. We’ve been together so long, the magic sponsee knows what my four dreams are.

Thanks, HIgher Power!

Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy! The HOLIDAYS are here! What will they be like this year?

Merry Christmas!

Happy HanukkaH!

Happy Kwanzaa!

Happy New Year!

This is the first day of the rest of your life and it’s going to be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We romance independence and never ask for help or companionship, so we can prove our “Strength.”

I find it easy and some what lazy to be alone. Much less hassle than having to actually relate to or love someone or risk my heart.

Being alone protects us from getting hurt or disappointed.

Ya, it’s a really good solution, right?

We also get the opportunity to feel sorry for ourselves because we are misunderstood or be a hater of all the people out there who are beneath our intelligence and greatness.

Spending time in graveyards is a solution. You never have to have a real relationship with any one there.

“I’m a loner baby. That’s how I roll.”

“It’s lonely at the top”

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of True Romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”