tag:www.schneier.com,2015:/blog//2/tag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-2015-02-17T06:04:52ZComments for Security HaikuA blog covering security and security technology.Movable Typetag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:494287Comment from Elliott on 2010-12-25Elliott
I liked the limericks best so far; here are more...

A young man who wanted to fly
away from point x to point y
was scanned, sniffed and tested
whilst being molested
for wearing the wrong color tie!

Oh why!

You cry!

But that's not as bad as the guy
with a shifty old look in his eye
who's arse full of PETN,
was cleared at the checkin,
and waltzed through on his very first try

----

and my favorite nursery rhyme adapted for 21st century travel

hey diddle diddle the cat, after it had been thouroughly dismantled and searched, played the fiddle,

the cow was not cleared to jump over the moon

the little dog found it hard to laugh after being replaced with a less efficient scanning device

and the Dish was disposed of owing to its potential as a cutting device.... As was the spoon

]]>
2010-12-25T16:59:01Z2010-12-25T16:59:01Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491960Comment from MikeR on 2010-12-17MikeR
back @ jsteele:
Ms. Palin can touch my junk
anytime I fly!]]>
2010-12-17T23:25:58Z2010-12-17T23:25:58Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491942Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Chilled winter travelers
Welcome the scan and pat down
'cuz it warms their junk.]]>
2010-12-17T22:27:52Z2010-12-17T22:27:52Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491940Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Your right to refuse
Take your laptop, belt, and shoes
Another line choose.]]>
2010-12-17T22:24:17Z2010-12-17T22:24:17Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491937Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Secur'ty theater,
Like cheap private burlesque show,
Watched by man in booth.]]>
2010-12-17T22:21:16Z2010-12-17T22:21:16Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491935Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Let us test screening.
TSA will not consent,
They would be exposed.
]]>
2010-12-17T22:16:16Z2010-12-17T22:16:16Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491933Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Two screening lines please:
One for folks with metal on,
Other for prepared.]]>
2010-12-17T22:11:40Z2010-12-17T22:11:40Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491932Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
United nine three,
Terrorism was stopped by
Jersey attitude.]]>
2010-12-17T22:09:06Z2010-12-17T22:09:06Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491927Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Two screening lines please
One for folks with metal on
One for the prepared.]]>
2010-12-17T22:00:46Z2010-12-17T22:00:46Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491926Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Real security
Is a 6 inch Bowie knife
In ev'ry seat back.]]>
2010-12-17T21:57:06Z2010-12-17T21:57:06Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491924Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Probed body regions
And failed screening policies
Are alike: Both junk.]]>
2010-12-17T21:54:53Z2010-12-17T21:54:53Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491920Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Scanning beam gets stuck.
The smell of Christmas travel:
Roasting trav'ler's nuts.]]>
2010-12-17T21:46:20Z2010-12-17T21:46:20Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491918Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Plain dull butter knife,
Whet stone, wood blocks, and duct tape
Make sharp travel tool.]]>
2010-12-17T21:42:49Z2010-12-17T21:42:49Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491916Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Remote control car
Drives under X-ray machine
With explosive load.]]>
2010-12-17T21:40:36Z2010-12-17T21:40:36Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491912Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Leaked TSA book
Shows medical liquids are
Seized despite their need.]]>
2010-12-17T21:37:42Z2010-12-17T21:37:42Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491910Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Repeated passes
Accumulate more liquid
Past security.]]>
2010-12-17T21:31:02Z2010-12-17T21:31:02Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491908Comment from Richard on 2010-12-17Richard
Repeated passes
Accumulate more liquid
Beyond the screening.]]>
2010-12-17T21:30:02Z2010-12-17T21:30:02Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491185Comment from osceola256 on 2010-12-15osceola256
Strip down now, boys left, girls right
All fly naked and all are safe
Safety first, thank you TSA.]]>
2010-12-15T23:29:27Z2010-12-15T23:29:27Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491085Comment from Stewart Dean on 2010-12-15Stewart Dean
Please. Haikus are about elegant expressions. The nature of terrorism is much better expressed in a lower form, the limerick.
Taking but 2-3 minutes and indulging in some shameless plagirization:

A nasty young terr of a Saudi
Had PETN found in Abu Dhabi
Said the terr, don't shout
and wave it about
Or I'll blow away everyone in the lobby

]]>
2010-12-15T15:50:42Z2010-12-15T15:50:42Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:491038Comment from Sledge on 2010-12-15Sledge
From the desk of Ms.
Janet Napolitano
"We need more cowbell!"]]>
2010-12-15T13:27:48Z2010-12-15T13:27:48Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:490981Comment from Sander on 2010-12-15Sander
The underpants bomber would never have gotten on that plane to Detroit if Homeland Security had realized that Umar Farouk Abdulmatallab is Ballatamludba Kuoraf Ramu spelled backwards ]]>
2010-12-15T10:55:30Z2010-12-15T10:55:30Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:480760Comment from Christopher Vera on 2010-11-22Christopher Verahttp://securityhaiku.com
Of course I meant "securityhaiku.com" but Steve Jobs and my iPad think they know better than me :-/ ]]>
2010-11-22T06:32:51Z2010-11-22T06:32:51Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:480758Comment from Christopher Vera on 2010-11-22Christopher Vera
You security poets could do me a world of a favor by contributing to security haiku.com! :-P]]>
2010-11-22T06:28:37Z2010-11-22T06:28:37Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:480373Comment from Grey Ghost on 2010-11-21Grey Ghost
Trust the Passenger
To Provide Security
Over TSA ]]>
2010-11-21T08:06:34Z2010-11-21T08:06:34Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479708Comment from kingsnake on 2010-11-19kingsnake
Chevy Chase "Fletch Lives!"
TSA reboot, you us-
ing the whole fist, doc?
]]>
2010-11-19T15:40:06Z2010-11-19T15:40:06Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479640Comment from TED Vinson on 2010-11-19TED Vinson
Fourth Amendment? Hah!
T,S and A are more than
Halfway to Stasi]]>
2010-11-19T13:42:01Z2010-11-19T13:42:01Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479434Comment from Davi Ottenheimer on 2010-11-18Davi Ottenheimerhttp://www.flyingpenguin.com/
@ Clive Robinson

"I'm told there is more to American Haiku than 575 such as "season words" and "cuts"... so,"

Yes, they also are best when they capture a moment in time, a repeating effect caused by that moment, and an endless state of being...oh, and are written in Japanese.

But I think the American haiku poetry movement after the 1960s, like the treatment of sushi, removed all formal requirements including taste. Don't get me started on teriyaki...

]]>
2010-11-19T01:17:00Z2010-11-19T01:17:00Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479301Comment from Winston Smith on 2010-11-18Winston Smith
How about a limerick or two?

A pilot went to the airport
and mistook it for a fort
he tried to board the plane
but first, they cried, some pain
and now the airlines est mort

A lady went for a visit
security went ballistic
they exposed her chest
in front of the rest
another agent said: Did I miss it?
[Happened in Amarillo in 2008, lawsuit in progress]

A citizen was treated like a punk
into his pants, security's hands nearly sunk
it sparked a fire
as citizens grew tired
all because he said "don't touch my junk"

~WS

]]>
2010-11-18T18:09:51Z2010-11-18T18:09:51Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479275Comment from Nicko on 2010-11-18Nicko
Seeking the old threats.
Blind to what might happen next.
Magical thinking!
]]>
2010-11-18T16:48:54Z2010-11-18T16:48:54Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479240Comment from Nick on 2010-11-18Nick
Take your shoes off please
What could I be hiding there?
Now take off your pants]]>
2010-11-18T14:17:54Z2010-11-18T14:17:54Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479224Comment from kingsnake on 2010-11-18kingsnake
Moo: +1

B: Re ... squids. Don't give the TSA probers any ideas! *shudder*

]]>
2010-11-18T12:51:14Z2010-11-18T12:51:14Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479216Comment from B on 2010-11-18B
wait until friday
happy squids are here again
TSA just bores]]>
2010-11-18T10:29:16Z2010-11-18T10:29:16Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479175Comment from None of the Above on 2010-11-18None of the Above
The Democrats and
the Republicans both
hate our freedoms.]]>
2010-11-18T06:29:06Z2010-11-18T06:29:06Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479172Comment from Moo on 2010-11-18Moo
Me no fear terror
Me no fly you anymore
Me not a sheep, bitch]]>
2010-11-18T06:06:31Z2010-11-18T06:06:31Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479166Comment from Tim Stevens on 2010-11-17Tim Stevens
Humiliate me
Waste my time for no reason
But don’t touch my junk]]>
2010-11-18T05:41:06Z2010-11-18T05:41:06Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479147Comment from Lawrence A. Husick on 2010-11-17Lawrence A. Husick
Stand thusly, hands up
Government perverts see all
Except what matters]]>
2010-11-18T03:25:39Z2010-11-18T03:25:39Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479119Comment from Neil on 2010-11-17Neil
Thank you so much, Pete, for the pedantry. Very interesting to read about senryu!]]>
2010-11-17T23:56:17Z2010-11-17T23:56:17Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479087Comment from kingsnake on 2010-11-17kingsnake
(To the tune of "Monk from Dundee" ...)
-----
Osama was once from Saud Arabie
'Til he went to Afghanistan to flee
He said "la-la-la-la-la-la-BOOM!"
When the Predators come
Must be the ol' M-O-A-B]]>
2010-11-17T21:45:28Z2010-11-17T21:45:28Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479077Comment from Harmy G on 2010-11-17Harmy G
Ralph fails at Haiku
TSA fails at all things
Vegas, here I come!]]>
2010-11-17T20:32:07Z2010-11-17T20:32:07Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479065Comment from Tony H. on 2010-11-17Tony H.
A TSA screener named Bob,
Finds only delight in his job.
"I feel for 'resistance',
Then call for assistance,
If something in there is athrob."]]>
2010-11-17T19:13:43Z2010-11-17T19:13:43Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479061Comment from James B on 2010-11-17James B
Arms above your head
Pause while we measure your wang
We're keeping you safe]]>
2010-11-17T19:02:32Z2010-11-17T19:02:32Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479058Comment from KRR on 2010-11-17KRR
Agents start "oil checks"
Send lawyers, guns, and money
Get me out of this

]]>
2010-11-17T16:01:24Z2010-11-17T16:01:24Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:479000Comment from tchall on 2010-11-17tchall
A mob waiting
The TSA gropes
What a target!]]>
2010-11-17T15:25:56Z2010-11-17T15:25:56Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:478985Comment from David on 2010-11-17David
Bob in the airport
Why the handcuffs and taser?
I said "Bob" not "bomb"]]>
2010-11-17T14:00:53Z2010-11-17T14:00:53Ztag:www.schneier.com,2010:/blog//2.3640-comment:478984Comment from kingsnake on 2010-11-17kingsnake
Osama bought bombs
Tobacco and alcohol
Kill more but boring]]>
2010-11-17T13:55:16Z2010-11-17T13:55:16Z