Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I am suspect if you fear someone who does not actively seek to be like you, to please you, or to give you strength through my submission.

I am something to be feared if you fear the empowerment of others.

I am - unbought, unbossed, and unashamed.

Reproductive justice didn’t happen to me.

Fighting for the right to determine whether to have children, to raise the children we have, and to raise our families in communities free of violence and oppression…all of that wasn’t done to black women.

All of that was and is done with black women, by black women for black women.

We are of this movement.

Always have been.

Always will be.

So reproductive justice didn’t happen to me.

I am reproductive justice.

And you know and I know that you know that I know that you cannot advocate on behalf of black women if you do not trust black women.

But some will try.

A campaign is afoot.

A campaign that would define black women as genocidal…that claims that black children are a separate species that is endangered in the hands of black women…and that seeks to divide and conquer through the tired old tactic of blaming and shaming women in general and black women specifically.

Those who place racist billboards in our communities want to talk about dangerous places.

Okay…let’s talk about dangerous places.

Let’s talk about the infant mortality rate in America…about the lot of the born…about how each year having an infant that lives past the first year of life becomes more and more a privilege for the few and an expectation determined by race rather than a right of the masses. And let’s talk about how the stereotype of bad black mothers fuels the acceptance of high infant mortality rates just like it fuels the acceptance of low employment rates, low graduation rates and racial profiling.

As if all that is our due.

As if all that is to be expected.

Let’s talk about health care disparities…about how the same motherfuckers shouting about life vote against life saving programs and rally against expanding access to health care.

Let’s chat about how black women are more likely to lack access to cancer screenings, more likely to have a delayed cancer diagnosis, and more likely to die because of it.

And let’s talk about why funding for programs that provide low cost cancer screenings is under attack, why health care programs that serve poor women are under attack and why the some of the same people who chastise black women who do not breast feed won’t do a damn thing to help protect the breast health of a black woman.

Let’s talk about the lack of access to pre-natal care…the low birth weight of infants born into poverty…about how so many families struggle to provide diapers for their infants that there are multiple national campaigns trying to meet that need.

Let’s talk about prevention…and how that’s such an unpopular word. Let’s talk about how some see the wages of sex as illness, suffering and death…about how the same people protesting at the clinic can’t be bothered to baby sit at the shelter for homeless teen mother less than a block away. And let’s talk about those shelters…about how there are so many of them in St. Louis city…about the amazing women who live there and about the lack of funding for programs that help their families out. Let’s talk about the waiting lists at those shelters…about the sisters who get turned away…about the children who go to sleep hungry and wake up hungry and go to school hungry and walk back home to go to sleep hungry again.

Let’s talk about lies.

About how the Missouri legislature passed a law mandating that women who seek abortion services must be told that there are programs to help them with housing and child care and education if they choose to continue their pregnancy…about how those programs are the same programs the legislature cut funding for while they mocked those who needed those services on the floor of the people’s house.

Let’s talk about black babies born to black mothers who are shackled during labor.

Let’s talk about the removal of comprehensive sex education from our schools and how our young people enter adulthood with the abstinence only advice to put a quarter between their legs and squeeze.

Let’s talk about how the debate over life ends at birth…about the young women I’ve met who chose to have a baby only to find that the same people praising them for that decision won’t hire them, don’t want them moving into their neighborhood, will one day grab their handbag and lock their car door when that black baby becomes a black man who walks by them on the sidewalk.

But I don’t get to just "talk" about all that.

I’m a black woman - I live it.

I get to walk into a health care center to a shower of shouts from white men charging that I’m a race traitor, that I’m participating in black genocide, and that I bring shame upon black America…anti-choice activists who have been emboldened by a campaign that feeds right into the racism that lives just beneath the surface, that opportunistic infection that feeds off of billboard campaigns spouting rhetoric that backs up what they already hold true – that black women are lesser than, dangerous, inferior, lacking in humanity, unhinged, untrustworthy, reckless…

That black woman = violent.

I am a black woman.

That black woman = bad mother.

I am a black woman.

That black woman = sex object.

I am a black woman.

That black woman = irresponsible.

I am a black woman.

That black women are a problem.

I am a black woman.

That black women are unfit.

I am a black woman.

And so black women must be…wait for it…oppressed for our own good.

But...I AM A BLACK WOMAN.

The most dangerous place for my rights is in the hands of my oppressor.

And the most dangerous place for oppression is in my angry black hands.

I keep starting posts I don’t want to finish…pondering topics and issues I can’t rustle up the energy to bitch about…and generally longing for the blessed release of sleep the moment I wake.

I just spent a month working my ass off on multiple fronts to defend against legislative assaults on women’s rights and access to health care…and trying not to think of all the amazing proactive people benefiting programs I’m not working on because I’m forever defending against legislative assaults on women’s rights and access to health care.

And I hit a wall of absolute undeniable Weltschmerz.

Mmmhmm…that’s right – Weltschmerz.

Sigh again…sip coffee once more…and continue.

I drove home through the freakish snow storm, all the while thinking that it was so fucking appropriate that it should be snowing in March on a Saturday when others are trying to get their outside activity on because the world has gone to shit and maybe some snow would help the gleeful masses realize that they are in the middle of a monumental shit storm that should inspire riots rather than trips to the zoo...

Shit.

I arrived home, grabbed the computer to check my email, and was confronted by several emails confirming that the world has gone to shit and one email that hit my internal reset button.

A friend wrote to me about her experience at the recent Planned Parenthood Truth Tour event here in St. Louis…an event that I had worked on and one that I had seen more as a project to be completed than the rally it actually was.

Until I read my friend’s email…and saw the rally through her eyes.

What had been a project was mentally reset, because for my friend it was a rally at which she and her daughter were confronted with the forces that would deny women access to life saving services and those who are prepared to fight that with everything we have.

And I realized what camp I’m in and why I’m in it.

And I was reminded that there is a reason why a team of activists worked to pull that event together…why over 300 people gathered on a Saturday to participate…and why thousands of Missourians have signed an open letter pledging support.

My friend’s email was like anti-venom for my case of Weltschmerz – the impact melted away all the exhaustion and woe-is-me-ism and thoughts that no one really gives a flying shit so why-the-hell-do-bother-isms.

Reality may never fully satisfy the demands of the mind…but it often over performs and exposes a world not quite as fucked up from the floor up as it first appears.

Weltschmerz can kiss off.

This bitch is fixin’ to carpe this diem, damn it!

And yes, I’ll post a link to my write up about the specificitude of my friend’s email later.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Sorry I’ve been absent, but my world is currently beyond hectic right now!

I’ve got more hours of work to do each day than there are hours in a single day…but hey, it is what it is.

Anyhoo, I do want to say something on the passing of Elizabeth Taylor.

Elizabeth Taylor has always been one of my favorite movie stars. Even though some of her movies make my feminism hurt, I still enjoy her performances…her fire and grit that came across clear as rain on the screen.

But more than her skill as an actor, I enjoyed Elizabeth Taylor the mega star.

I liked the fact that her scandals were more about her than getting her picture in the magazines…that she was flawed and didn’t shy away from those flaws…that she sought and earned respect in an industry that was at best patronizing and at worst demeaning.

I like Elizabeth Taylor because she lived life…fucked up or achieved with gusto…and she put her star power to work as an activist before that shit was expected, respected or applauded.

Elizabeth Taylor’s life indicts the 1950’s and 1960’s American stereotypes…she was sexual, bawdy, bold, and smart…strong when the world expected weakness and fragile when the world was calling for strength.

Taylor was a very human mega star…and even so, we never really knew her.

The lights will dim on Broadway to honor her...Hollywood will offer sound bites about her…and we have a legacy of film to remember her by.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I’ve spent the last month engaged in some of the most frustrating debates I’ve ever experienced over federal funding for life and cost saving programs. The U.S. House vote to cut Title X funding is a classic case of politicians using the weapon of government to attacking an organization to the detriment of the people. Even the reigning King of Rancidity, Rep. Mike Pence of the infamous Pence Amendment, recently admitted that Title X programs work. But Pence could give a shit about that – he’s shamelessly waging war against Planned Parenthood while the anti-choice faithful fall dangerously in line during the current budget battle that puts one the most successful public programs on the books in peril.

So here we are – the Senate is the theatre and Title X funding is the political football.

Woo followed by hoo.

‘Tis a shame that some folks have a hard time understanding the simple fact that Title X programs save tax payers money, save lives, and are deserved of additional funds not funding cuts.

But Lawd knows that the only thing that brings on a case of intellectual lazitude quicker than a discussion of health care is a specific discussion of women’s health care.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

The scary thing is that the new House has a pattern of doing this stupid shit.

I’m not kidding…if members of the House have their way, calls to 1-800-222-1222 will no longer connect folks to the life saving and cost saving services of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

And never you mind that for every $1 spent on funding poison control centers we the people save $7 in health care spending.

The GOP dominated House is sending a message with their 2011 budget…

…and that message is that these fools need a crash course in Public Policy 101, stat.

Beyond the drama of what this legislative malfunction would mean for people (who will have to make decisions without advice), for 911 operators (who will have to give guidance without being able to get advice from the hotline), and for hospitals (who would now be faced with the 75% of exposure cases that are currently treated at home because of poison control centers)…

…beyond all that shit is the harsh reality of what bad budget moves mean to communities across the nation.

Treating exposure cases in Emergency Rooms that should be treated at home is expensive as hell.

Funding programs that end up saving more money than they cost is good policy and should be the easy everyone-agreed-on-that-one-so-lets-move-on-now additions to the budget.

And this flawed budget cutting frenzification gutting funding poison control centers is the exact same fucked up from the floor up flawed as hell process these same ig’nant fools have applied to Title X.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I adore Twitter and I really appreciate it when all hell is breaking out around the world.

I’ve been catching up on what’s happening in Libya…reading tweets and clicking links to articles. And this is just the latest event that I’ve been able to monitor through Twitter better than I remember monitoring news before tweets came into my world. News on Twitter may not be vetted…Lawd knows that there is plenty of inaccurate bullshit that gets tweeted and then retweeted…but I find that knowing some of the material isn’t vetted helps me weigh the integrity of the news I’m getting.

Anyhoo, I’ve been out of the loop and knee deep in health care related activism…so I’m still working through the who, what, where and when of the drama in Libya.

What I do know is that we are facing some very troubling times…innocent people are dying and suffering…and things are only going to get worse before we can even consider them getting better.

Sigh.

I woke up this morning to the sight of that huge bright moon in the sky.

It was glowing…so bright and peaceful…situated just so in the sky and looking down at a world that seems dedicated to the pursuit of absolute fubar.

I though about taking a picture and tweeting it...but I opted to just experience it instead.

Have a good Monday, y’all.

***logs off to check out the moon again...and then look at Twitter one more time before getting ready for work***

It’s critical to demonstrate our community’s strong support for Planned Parenthood. Stand with us (and our big PINK bus) to say NO to taking away family planning and birth control, lifesaving cancer screenings and testing for HIV and other diseases from the women in our community.

Politicians in Washington DC and Jefferson City are trying to cut health care services for Planned Parenthood patients. As you know the US House of Representatives already voted to cut ALL federal funding for Planned Parenthood preventive services like lifesaving cancer screenings, annual exams, contraception visits, and testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections. In order to make sure this provision does not pass the US Senate, we need as many people as possible to stand up for Planned Parenthood and Women’s Lives.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Lawd, I’ve been watching the news and I can’t wrap my mind around how horrible the situation in Japan has become!

It’s hard to focus on anything else…but life does not pause for disasters or even a nuclear crisis.

The other day I was knee deep in political activism, trying to keep my state government from further restricting women’s access to the full range of reproductive health care, when the phone rang.

The manager of my brother’s house (he’s in a residential program for autistic adults) was on the line telling me that my brother’s primary care doctor is closing down his practice and we needed to find a new doctor.

Ugh.

Finding a doctor in St. Louis who is accepting new patients and who also takes Medicaid is as hard as locating a Democrat in the Missouri State Senate.

Oh, they’re out there…but they are few in number.

We put together a list…called around…and finally found someone.

The entire exercise reminded me that my brother is due for a dental appointment and that his dentist is one of the few in the state who is trained in behavior modification. That training is key to dental care for people like my brother, who often struggles to stay still during cleanings. Our goal is to have my brother keep his teeth…mostly because the thought of him using dentures gives me hives. To achieve that goal, my brother needs good cleanings…and his current dentist is fantabulous at working with Bill to get those teeth clean.

My never-ending concern is that we face a shortage of doctors and dentists trained to care for people with autism.

As it is, my family often foots the bill for the behavior modification when Bill has dental cleanings.

Sigh.

So here we are, breaking in a new doctor. I’m fretting over the thought of the dentist eventually retiring even as I plan for another hit to my pocket book in the form of those additional fees for behavior modification. My work is overwhelming with threats to access to health care on both the state and federal fronts.

And you know what?

I’m fucking lucky.

Life might not pause for a natural disaster or nuclear crisis, but it sure as shit is put into perspective.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

And this is what the people who praise and cheer what happened in Wisconsin last night can no longer deny.

To every asshole that has ranted and raved about government spending – Wisconsin state legislators did NOTHING to address that shit yesterday.

To every asshole that says this mess in Wisconsin is about fiscal responsibility – last night was one of the most irresponsible displays of thuggish politicians using the weapon of government against citizens that I have ever witnessed…and all that was fiscal was removed in order to push this legislative malfunction through without a quorum.

The unavoidable, undeniable, naked and exposed before all who have the strength to look upon it FACT is that this was never about anything other than crushing unions and creating an environment in which workers are subject to the callous whims and unchecked greed of their employers.

And let me be clear - that environment has never been, is not, and will never be some mystical American meritocracy in which the best thrive and are drenched in milk and honey.

Know this – unions exist for a reason. They came to be because that mystical meritocracy is bullshit, and they will only grow stronger in the face of this old school backroom rancidity that proves the point organizers have been making from the beginning.

It was never about money.

It was never about fiscal responsibility.

It was always about crushing unions.

I couldn’t ask for a clearer example of that than Wisconsin March 9, 2011.

This will not stand.

They will not win.

And I’ll finish with the words of a legislator who voted against the bill…

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

I sent Senator Roy Blunt (R-Missouri) a message telling him why defunding Title X is fiscally and morally irresponsible and that Missouri needs community health care providers like Planned Parenthood.

Senator Blunt replied with his anti-choice resume form letter that completely dodged the issue of fiscal irresponsibility in a time of great economic fuckeduptitude and instead peevishly scolded me for supporting a Constitutionally protected right.

Silly constituent!

Rights are for rich straight white men over 60!

Oh, but wait…there’s more.

Within hours, Senator Blunt’s e-newsletter broke into my email inbox.

I am not fucking kidding you!

The Blunt minions signed this bitch up for his e-newsletter!

I sat there looking at his smug grin.

And…well, I didn’t have the strength to read the e-newsletter at that time.

I decided to read it this morning.

And it fucking gets better!

Senator Blunt is trying to cash in on the high gas prices by advertising his anti-environment pro-gas industry Gas Accessibility and Stabilization (GAS) Act.

Blunt’s solution to the high gas prices is to deregulate the gas industry…’cause in his mind, mandating that gas meet certain standards is part of the problem.

Deregulation is just the beginning.

Blunt more wants us to look toward “more conventional energy sources” and he points to looking for oil close to home (translation – off shore drilling) and natural gas (translation – fracking)…

…oh and he tossed in a nod to look for alternative sources like renewable fuels and battery-powered vehicles.

The e-newsletter ended with Senator Blunt urging me to follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

***blank stare***

I need to follow Senator Blunt on Twitter and Facebook like I need a drug resistant yeast infection.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Longtime readers know that my older brother is autistic. He recently moved to a new house in the city. With a new house came new staff and two new roomies. We’ve had a few hiccups, but Bill has taken them in stride.

Last year, when we finally got the opportunity to move Bill closer, my sister and I decided to learn sign language. Bill has limited speech and does not speak in sentences. After years of speech therapy and being surrounded by verbal people, Bill has expressed his preference for sign language. We noticed that he gets frustrated when folks don’t understand his speech…but it took us a long time to come to the decision to learn sign language.

As children, we were discouraged from signing with Bill because the focus was on improving his verbal speech. But Bill is 40 years old now…and he clearly prefers sign language. So, we came to the decision to err on the side of communication and see where that takes us.

My sister C- Money has been taking sign language instruction from a tutor and we practice at home. We’ve focused on the words we know Bill uses and are building from there.

Fastforward to a couple of weeks ago.

I got a call at work.

Bill’s new house manager was on the line. Staff had reported that they had accidentally given Bill his morning meds…twice. Since his meds include two pills for high blood pressure, this was not a little fuck up. I called C-Money to fill her in…she called the house manager back…and we all ended up at the Missouri Baptist emergency room.

FYI – Missouri Baptist has got to have the quickest ER in town! We were seen within 20 minutes and the entire experience took under three hours. The ER staff talked to Bill directly (a huge plus, since far too many medical folks tend to talk around the patient when the patient is autistic).

Anyhoo, the ER doctor said Bill would be fine but wanted to run a blood test. Bill’s blood pressure was low, but still within the range of normal. Double dosing blood pressure meds can be dangerous as hell…so we subjected Bill to a blood test just to be careful and then waited to see the results.

As we waited…and waited…and waited (the MOBAP ER was fast, but it still took some time)…Bill started signing that he wanted to get the hell out of Dodge and go for a ride in the van.

C-Money started signing back and the most remarkable moment of normal unfolded in the ER room.

I watched as my sister and brother started fussing with each other over whether or not we were going for a van ride now or later.

Bill’s face was animated. He jumped up and leaned toward C-Money, hands flying as he signed his opinion that the van ride should commence immediately. C-Money, trying not to laugh as she egged him on, kept repeating that the van ride was going to have to wait because Bill let staff double dose him. He didn’t appreciate her sense of humor and the fuss-based debate went on for a while.

The doctor came in. Bill’s blood work was fine and we were free to go. He shook the doctor’s hand, turned to C-Money and signed van with a smirk on his face, and then made for the door.

Later that evening, as I processed the day, I realized that was the first time I’d ever seen my siblings really argue. Oh, we’ve disagreed amongst ourselves before. Bill has expressed annoyance and frustration with us plenty of times.

But that was the first time I can recall ever seeing them communicate like that…really communicate, person to person, with both participants understanding each other and thinking the other was wrong as hell.

There are a lot of reasons why my parents focused on verbal communication when we were growing up. This is a speaking world and they wanted my brother to be able to ask for help, tell people when he was in pain, and express his wants and needs in a manner that speaking people can understand.

His speech, though limited, achieves that goal. He speaks softly…in single words. It gets the job done.

But communication is different than single word declarations that get the job done. At least it is in our situation.

When I sign to my brother I often mess up…when I get it right he turns to me and signs “Good job!’

I’m looking forward to more opportunities to chat with my brother, rather than at him…to get to know him better and enhance our relationship.

Pause…consider…continue.

And we may have to add some signs for “I’ve already taken my blood pressure meds this morning!” to the mix.

They don’t want Missouri to accept additional funds from the federal government that would allow the state to extend unemployment benefits.

Thousands of Missourians are unemployed.

Many of those folks are about to hit a hard as hell wall.

Our federal government voted to send more unemployment funds to states so we can meet those needs.

That money has been appropriated for that purpose.

Refusing the funds will NOT return them to some mystical pool of funds that the Federal government will then use to pay off our debt to China.

And yes, that’s the kind of ig’nant as hell bullshit a gaggle of Republican Senators said yesterday while wasting the people’s time to kick unemployed people in the gut area.

The head ass in charge of this public display of stupid is Senator Lembke.

He was joined by minions Sen. Nieves (R-Washington) and Sen. Rob Schaaf (R-St. Joseph).

Together they ranted about how unemployed people are lazy…unemployment benefits encourage the unemployed to stay unemployed…unemployed people have enslaved employed people by taking unemployment benefits…unemployed people need some tough love so they will be inspired to go out there and just get a job...and blah, blah and another blah.

Lawd.

They went on and on about how GREAT the Senate is because Senators can talk about whatever they want for as long as they want and block the horror of accepting federal money to help the unemployed.

Oh, and by the way – no one in their districts wants Missouri to accept this money, they’re sure of that.

They laughed and cajoled…ranted and pontificated…and ultimately stalled movement on the legislation.

When fellow Republican state Senator Mayer stood up to challenge their...um, logic...one of the snotty knaves sarcastically called him compassionate and then went on to claim the federal fund would be sent back to China. He finally admitted that he had no idea where the funds would go if Missouri refused to take them.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

All in all, this theatrical mess highlighted the callous disregard these state Senators have for their unemployed constituents…their complete ignorance over how unemployment funds work…their general wish to score political points with the conservative fringe on the people’s time…and the tragic limits of their vocabulary.

My heart bleeds for their constituents, particularly for their unemployed constituents who should know after yesterday that none of these state Senators gives a flying shit about them.

Hell, these state Senators think they are liberating working constituents from bondage!

As for working on legislation that may actually help Missouri’s economy…well, clearly that shit isn’t half as fun as mocking unemployed Missourians.