DONE!

I am officially done writing papers until fall. All I have to do is make it through the Shakespeare Final of DOOOOM, and I can wash my hands of academia. That is an excellent feeling. Thus, TV talk, which I wrote last night and was going to post after Law & Order, except I fell asleep 15 minutes in. -.-

'Law & Order: SVU - "Trade"So, yeah, that was a giant step downward from last week. I thought perhaps having Reverend Camden in the role of a creepy rapist/murderer role would liven things up, and to some extent I was able to see the guy as a new character and not just Rev Cam all the time...but it was boring. It was a good hour of entertainment, I mean, if you're looking for something to watch, but it was a very middle-of-the-pack average episode.

Except for the twist at the end! I did not see the twist coming! I was just busy being disappointed in the lawyer for not following through on her threat to jump - what the hell good is sobbing confessions of true love if you're going straight to prison? Also, you violently murdered his pregnant girlfriend, even if she was a lying golddigger, so he's maybe not going to instantly forgive you. And just as I was thinking about this disappointment, and how this is the way suicidal ledge-jumpers always turn out on crime shows...instead of letting him help her off the ledge, she was crafty and used his embrace to hurl him over the side with her, and plummet to their deaths! WIN.

The only other thing that caught my attention was...does Casey always throw a fit when her case ends in a mistrial? It seemed weirdly obsessive of her to go track down the baliff and demand inquiry into why the jury ended in a split vote. Oh, and I devoted a lot of head scratching as to why Warner started off saying the baby's father was the boyfriend, and then changed her mind halfway through and declared it was Rev Cam's (sorry) instead.

*pause* Um, I can't believe I almost forgot to mention this, but MUNCH! MUNCH HAD ANOTHER SUBSTANTIAL ROLE!!! If he keeps this up, soon I might be able to actually talk about it instead of being dazzled speechless by the fact that he exists.

---

American Idol: Top 4OK, so my original attempt to watch Idol involved waking up from my nap at 7:01, struggling to prop my eyes open as far as the end of Porky Pig's first song, and then falling asleep before the judges could comment and not waking up again until Ryan was bidding us farewell. Really sucked having to do homework without any good TV first. Nevertheless! New running commentary.

-This is the stupidest final 4 ever. Except for Jason, I cannot fathom how these people made it to the coveted circle at the top. And even Jason, I don't really understand. I'm amazed and awed and delighted, in comparison to the others at least, but I don't know how he got here with everyone ragging on him all the time. (then again, people also ragged on Jordin a lot! And then she won! And Melinda Awesomecakes did not! So I still kind of have hope)

-LUKE MENARD! *tackle hugs* Oh, happy sight! I shall never stop adoring you. That's the best second of the night right there, no matter what.

-Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, eh? Hm. I might...*gasps* I might actually recognize all the songs!

Porky Pig: "Hungry Like the Wolf"I have no idea why I know this song, yet it's very solidly in my repetoire, and I love it. I love it so much that I can't even be bothered to care about Porky's nonsense, although as I listen to it for the second time, I think he's rather lacking a lot of the intensity this song usually has. It's kind of like the shadow of the wolf. HAHA, EVEN RANDY AGREES WITH ME. Sweet.

Syesha: "Proud Mary"All right, firstly, this is one of the first pep band songs I ever played; I played it a lot, and I loved it to pieces for three years straight. But I loved it because it was fast, and so the weird transition from slow ballad to energized song here wasn't good. I did love the fast section, but I am still scratching my head over why she's the last woman left in the competition. The diva voice is not what I most want to hear from girls. *misses her Blonde Beauties*

Jason: "I Shot the Sheriff" Bob Marley? Really? I'm sorry, this song will never belong to anyone but Marge Simpson. "So the next time you see a sheriff, shoot him! [audience gasp] A SMILE!" I did not enjoy this song, mostly because it forced me to focus on his hideous dreadlocks, and that severely detracts from his pretty blue eyes. And wow, the judges hated on it a whole bunch. Simon hasn't busted out such negative comments since... oh God. "This was like a first-round audition massacre." Ow! Ow, this is mean and cruel and it hurts! It wasn't that bad! I redact my negativity! Thank you, Paula. Let's move on, indeed.

David: "Stand by Me" (?) *looks it up* What the hell, you didn't get ENOUGH of Neil Diamond last week? On the bright side, I redact my statement about not knowing any Neil Diamond songs, as I recognize this one. No idea why. Possibly one of my parents' CDs? I suppose these are "influential songs," so it's natural they should all just be part of my permaconsciousness, but still. Oh, and as for the performance? It wasn't unpleasant, until the last couple of notes where his voice kind of cracked and was rather shrill and reedy on the last hold. Simon agrees with me! Then Simon says it was the best performance so far, which is just a baldfaced lie.

Porky Pig: "Baba O'Reilly"!!!!! I will be requiring a full three minutes to flail about this most EXCELLENT OF ALL SONG CHOICES, thanks to my love of CSI: NY. And CSI: NY has shown me that it can be arranged differently without totally sucking, so... *stares as song begins* However, it cannot be arranged into a half-speed ballad. FAIL. STOP RUINING AWESOME SONGS, PORKY. No, speeding it up slightly at the end does not work for you any better than Syesha's mishmashed combination did. You know what, I think maybe I'm just ready to be done with this show. Nothing excites me at all.

Syesha: "A Change is Gonna Come"Really? Must we bring the civil rights movement into it? I'm afraid that too much learning about it in school, as with any excessive repetition, made me violently despise it and any future reference to it. *scowls and wants Blonde Beauties back* Yeah, I listened to three seconds of her trying to blast my eardrums out with the opening note and skipped to the judges' comments. It appears to have devolved into a mess of crying and fighting between Randy and Ryan, and...I don't even know. Just hand Jason the crown and end this charade of horrible people alrady.

Jason: "Mr. Tambourine Man"The unintentionally painful irony of Jason saying he's singing another Bob song, because "you can't go wrong" with them, made me greatly fear his second performace (also: Bob Dylan, ew). But then he started singing! And it was straight back to the Jason I know and adore, with a distinctly Goo Goo Dolls quality to his voice this week - still a good thing - and the gorgeous soft vocals and twangy little guitar, and his dreads were even pulled back...and then he forgot the words. Apparently he has forgotten or mucked up the words to other songs in the past, and I have never noticed at all, but this time it was sort of hard not to notice the "Mm-hm-hm-hm" in the middle of a verse. Damn you, judges! It's completely your fault for rattling him before! Come on, how can you not love his apologetic, sheepish little face? I so wish I'd had access to a phone last night. There would have been dialing off the hook. I think I'm going to make an effort to grab the studio version of this, though, because his voice really is gorgeous and it kind of delights my soul.

David: "Love me Tender""I haven't sung a really romantic love song on the big stage before," he says, and I think the reason is because the concept of "romantic" and "David A" is a notion that makes me recoil in horror, since he is approximately 11 years old. GOD, this song is exceptionally dull, and not even vaguely pleasant. More of that reedy quality this week, and that last note was just painfully high. And weird, weird looks into the camera. Don't go to the Constantine place, boy.

In retrospect: I always listen to the ending recap without looking at the screen, and so I think Porky Pig may have delivered the best performances after all. It pains me to say that.

In conclusion: I have no idea who I want to go home tonight. I violently despise three of them, any of whom would make excellent booting choices, and yet I also kind of want it to be Jason, because if Jason goes then I get to be done with the show for the year. I'm literally hanging on by a thread, and have no interest in even the finale if it includes singers I can't stand.

'Results-51 million votes? THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

-Yeah, so that thing about not being able to believe these were the top 4? Even harder to imagine anyone freaking out over them, Beatles style. However, I must say that this VIP trip is one of the few times I've actually been impressed with their perks. Usually they're being dragged to stupid movie premieres like "Horton Hears a Who." That was actually really fun to watch. But more than anything, IDOLS + DOLPHINS! Aww, Jason kissing a dolphin, ridiculously cute.

-Just once, I wish Ryan would pretend that David wasn't safe. It would actually make for some interesting suspense.

8:24 PMRyan:After a nationwide vote...the person leaving us tonight...is...Jason: *highly perplexed* You're gonna tell us right now?HAHA! Way to steal Ryan's dramatic thunder. I love that. Though really, it's a fair question, because even I was like "Wait, are we back to half-hour shows? What?" You know, pretending to build suspense wasn't THAT bad an idea.

Dear Idiot: The Idol Call-In IS NOT A DATING SERVICE. I know this is difficult to believe, but really, the contestants are trying to win a singing competition, not land a significant other. And why is everyone always asking after Porky Pig, anyway?

Dear Second Idiot: "What has been the biggest challenge you've had to overcome?" The hell are you, a college application? What a mundane and completely pointless question. And after that the rest of the questions were so inane that I had to change the channel as soon as I saw them on the screen.

-The Maroon 5 leader is still a creepy manorexic, and his voice just gets higher and creepier every time I see him. *changes channel* Heyyy, an awesome episode of CSI: Miami, the season 2 hurricane, and I opened right on a Yelina & Horatio scene. A Yelina & Horatio scene where the latter is processing evidence, no less.

-Bo Bice! He has really, really ridiculously fantastic hair. It's odd, normally I'm kind of repulsed by *really* long hair on guys, and yet I am completely captivated by the fact that his hair is as long and thick as mine, and really, really attracted to it. I'm not overfond of the song, though ("Witness"). It's like...weird country-rock. If I heard it a few times it might grow on me, but if it's not Instant Song Love I don't have time to waste on it.

Going Home: Jason. Two reactions.A) (%)@*&%(@*&%@!!! SYESHA =/= WORTHY OF TOP THREE. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. This is like on Survivor when those stupid people fly under the radar, and you keep thinking you can get rid of them at any time, and suddenly they make it to the end.B) YES. I can quit watching this freaking show! I'm not even going to bother with it next week...except I'll be home, and Mom will insist on watching it, and I'll probably end up watching it with her. Frick. Well, if I had my choice I wouldn't watch it.

DAMN YOU, why are you singing the Marley one again? Wrong song! No one likes that! That is a horrible sing-out song! *smacks* And still - what the hell! You can't just cut him off in the middle! You had time for 5 bloody audience questions, but not to finish his song? I had it on mute and was enjoying his smile! God, I'm so happy I'm done with this show.

It's a little scary how fast I turned on Idol. As recently as 3 weeks ago, I'm pretty sure it was still the most exciting part of my week, for sheer entertainment purposes. And now nothing.