How to flirt with a girl (without being too serious)

We’ve all been in the situation of trying to play nice and ask her questions to get to know her, only to hear the dreaded “let’s just be friends” phrase.

On the other hand, stating our interest too soon almost always ends up in disaster, as she can get scared and try to finish the conversation as soon as possible.

Luckily, there’s a third option that, when used correctly, will help you achieve the love life you have always dreamt of.

Once you learn how to flirt with a girl the proper way, you will have a much better chance of achieving your goals with that cute woman you meet in the bar or at the grocery store.

But it gets better.

Learning how to flirt with a girl will not only improve your results: it will also make the process of talking to women much more interesting and funny. Once you understand exactly what it means to flirt and use the tools you’re about to learn here, this part of your life will stop giving you headaches and turn into an awesome experience.

Want to know exactly how to flirt with a girl? Let’s get to it.

What exactly is flirting

If you look in the dictionary for the definition of flirting, you will find something like the following: “Acting as if attracted to someone, but with the intention of having fun instead of seriously”.

And in that simple definition, you can already start to see the problem with the usual approaches guys take when talking to a girl they like.

Usually, men either hide their intentions completely and try to look friendly (and lose the girl), or they get very serious and tell her exactly what they are thinking. And they also lose the girl.

Here’s the catch: in order to attract a girl, you have to show her that you like her, but in a way that still keeps her wondering what’s really on your mind. You can’t be too direct or you might scare her off, but you can’t be too indirect either or she will become bored and leave the conversation.

This is specially true with a woman you have just met.

When you learn how to flirt with a girl correctly, not only will she feel more attracted to you, but also she will start picturing the two of you together. At the same time, you will have a good time doing it.

Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?

Components of flirting

Flirting with women is as much an art as it’s a science. In order to do it correctly, you need to improvise and go with the flow. But here’s the kicker: you can only get to that point if you learn a structure first.

When a person is learning how to play guitar, he first has to practice chords, scales and finger positions before creating his own awesome riffs.

Learning how to flirt with a girl is no different.

You might be wondering: what are the basics of flirting, then? When you are trying to attract a girl, you want to focus mainly in two things:

Implying instead of stating.

Pushing her away playfully

Let’s see exactly what each of these points mean.

1- Implying instead of stating

As we have already determined, when you are talking with a girl you like you can’t hide your intentions for too long, or she will start thinking that you only want her as a friend. On the other hand, telling her she looks very sexy or that you want to see her naked on your bed is a sure way of getting her to run away in fear.

Luckily, there is a third option: you can let her know that you like her, but in a way that keeps her wondering and doesn’t scare her. To do this, you will have to master both your body language and the things you say.

Body language

Studies have shown that as much as 80% of communication has nothing to do with words. This means that, no matter what you are saying to that cute girl you just met, she will pay the most attention to things like your eye contact, your body position, the way you touch her…

Here’s the deal: next time you are interacting with a woman you like, try to act in a way that shows you’re interested in her while talking about something completely unrelated. Touch her lightly on the forearm to emphasize something you’re saying, look into her lips while you listen to her… These little gestures can do wonders for your communication with girls.

What to say

But even if your body language is more important than what you actually say, you can still mess it up completely if you tell her the wrong thing. You can come across as too boring, “creepy” or needy if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Knowing exactly what to say can be very difficult, so here’s a guideline you can use. Everytime you are interacting with a woman you like, remember to talk in a way which conveys that you are:

Funny. Humor is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have. It also displays you are not taking the conversation too seriously, and will make both of you have a good time.

Confident. A man who’s sure of himself will not try to impress a girl he doesn’t know or say only things that she may want to hear. Don’t be afraid to bring up topics you like, and try not to brag, as it will give her the impression that you are insecure and need to overcompensate. Confidence is charming.

Sexual. This is one of the most difficult parts of flirting for most guys. In order to get a girl to like you, you have to show you are confident with your sexuality and that you like women and are experienced with them. But here’s the catch: you can’t go overboard with it or she might get scared. Think of “confident and sexual” instead of “horny and needy”.

Independent. A key component of attraction is giving the girl the impression that, even if you like her, you don’t need to be with her. In other words: you are an attractive man, you have options, and you are not afraid of losing her if you two are not compatible. This means things like disagreeing with her once in a while or not trying “too hard” to impress her.

2- Pushing her away playfully

The second part of learning how to flirt with a girl requires you to make her feel as if she’s the one chasing you. For some reason, we feel more attracted to people who seem unavailable or distant; and that cute girl you met on the bus is no exception.

But there’s a problem: as the man, you will be the one initiating the conversation most of the time. You approached her because you like her. Before she gets to know you, then, she will have less interest in you than you have in her. It’s your job to solve this problem so she starts getting more into you.

Appart from using attractive body language and the conversation keys we saw in the previous section, there’s a secret that, when applied to your interaction with girls, will make your results with them skyrocket.

Curious? The secret is this: you have to push her away a bit.

See, flirting is like a dance. You have to take two steps forward, and one step back. This is very different to what most guys do: when they are not too scared to show their intentions, they get too direct without pulling back sometimes, so the girl feels overwhelmed and loses her attraction.

But how do you push her away playfully? The most useful techniques are the following:

Accuse her of trying to seduce you. Tell her to stop trying to impress you, or say that you’re very innocent and she’s acting too intense for you. This, even if it’s just a silly roleplay, will give her the impression that she likes you more than you do.

Make fun of her. Tell her that she looks like a bad girl, or that she seems to be planning to do something evil. Of course, don’t take this too far and really offend her: think of how you mess with your closest friends and try to do the same.

Tell her what you see and twist it. If she seemed relaxed before you started talking to her, tell her that she looks as if she has just meditated or she’s high. If she says she’s from France, you can tell her you just imagined her riding on a bycicle while holding a baguette.

This style of conversation has much better odds of getting a woman attracted to you than just asking her boring questions or telling her how much you like her or how sexy she is. Try it, and you won’t believe how effective it is.

Conclusion

Flirting with a girl doesn’t have to be boring or terrifying. Instead, it can become a funny way to get to know someone who you can potentially date. With the ideas and techniques you have seen in this article and a little bit of practice, you will soon see your results improving until you achieve the kind of love life you have always dreamt of.

Now’s your turn: armed with the tools you have learned here, ask a girl out, start talking with her and try to flirt with her. It’s just a matter of time until you get good at this.

For more mindful and practical self-improvement advice on your Facebook newsfeed, like Hack Spirit on Facebook:

A quick message from Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit

In 2018, the third year of Hack Spirit, I poured thousands of hours and considerable resources into creating these articles. It's a labor of love and remains free thanks to your patronage. If you found any value in these articles, please consider supporting what I do with a donation. Your support is what helps me to continue creating more Hack Spirit articles. To make a donation, select the amount and click the "donate" button below.