Musings on life and love

Monthly Archives: July 2014

Night time routine was a bit delayed today and with Giovanni skipping his nap (jack hammer breaking concrete outside his bedroom window, thanks neighbors), he was overstimulated and pretty much bouncing off the walls. Finally got them bathed, dressed and ready for bed. I took Giovanni in his room and Asher took Isannah. Then we switch to say our goodnights to each blessing. When I walk in Isannah’s room she is standing up out of the cover and up against the corner of her crib. I try to cover her up and say good-night but she loudly tells me that she changed her mind and she’s no longer tired. I wanted to burst out laughing but carefully said to her in the sweetest voice that that’s not how it works it’s late and it’s bedtime. She fell into her crib allowed me to cover her and then she was out. It’s been an interesting day.

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Today I want to say, thank you for all the love and support of family and friends. A few days ago I was reminded of how fragile life is. Whether it was through my own life or a life close to my heart, it’s a reminder that life is a gift and we have to cherish every moment we are given. It is important to love unconditionally, receive love whole heartedly and just be open to the miracles that surround us even though we fear the loss of those miracles. We don’t know what each day will bring and although beautiful and happy, it’s also scary and confusing. No matter how heavy we feel. How confused we are. We need to believe that his will is greater and he will take us through it all. A lot of tears will be shed and may continue to fall until the end of our journey here but remembering what you have, had and loved can carry us to another day.
Things don’t always make sense and we have to deal with things that we never thought would happen but with the love of family and friends we can get to where we need to be. We need to lift the heavy weight and try to feel lighter, as hard as that may be. Just remember I am a friend till the end and then I will carry your love with me always. Thinking of those special to me and thanking God for my family and friendships.

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I’m still giggling about a moment I witnessed with my husband and our daughter Isannah. She grabbed a hold of his arm and kept saying, daddy you suck, daddy you suck. The expression on his face was priceless. We both looked at each other as we tried to understand what she was saying. We asked her to say it again and with a big smile on her face she said very loudly, DADDY YOU SUCK. We tried to break her speech down as they have difficulties with pronunciation. She demonstrated what she was saying. She said, daddy then lifted his arm which she had locked in her hands and said Daddy you suck. I finally asked her, is daddy STUCK because you are holding him. She said yes, SUCK. At that moment I realized that a little extra attention to her wording may help going forward. Hope you smiled and maybe chuckled a bit too.

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I will never forget this 4th of July. It was the day we separated the kids room. Rain was falling on and off throughout the morning and early afternoon keeping us home bound to celebrate the 4th. The kids singing the songs from Frozen over and over with excitement in their eyes and laughter in their hearts. I just sat and watched them in amazement. Their little voices trying to hold the notes while smiling just hearing the song. No matter how many times it repeated the kids smiled as it was the very first time each time. At that moment my husband decided it was the perfect time to separate the kids rooms. They slept together in the same room since the day we brought them home. My initial reaction was fear then calmed into hope and joy for a new milestone that would take place. As my husband spoke my mind drifted away to the times we brought the babies home. Each on different days…NICU days. I couldn’t believe how they started and where they are today.

I started to get nervous but didn’t want it to show. We began moving and rearranging things asking the kids what toys they would like to keep in their own new rooms. This seemed to help them move forward with our plan. I noticed the closer we got to completing all that we could do at the moment my fear came back. It was another phase in their amazing young life but I wasn’t ready. It was me that was afraid. Maybe I just needed more planning, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t have any of the necessities like room decals, themes and accessories laid out. It was all spur of the moment which is not really something I do but I went with it. We finally finished and the kids each enjoyed a little time in one another’s room before it was time to nap.

Isannah still in a familiar room was sound asleep while Giovanni paced back and forth in his crib. He would stand up, sit down, lean forward and then back down. He did this a number of times before I went in his room to calm him and try to relax him. Nothing worked and he was not going down for a nap so I brought him with me and we talked about all the wonderful things he would do in his room. The colors he could select. The paint we could change and the wall decals that he could choose. Once again he was excited but no nap took place today.

Now let’s forward a few hours to our night time routine. All was going seemingly well up until the kids were tucked in their beds. They had only a moment to relax before firecrackers began beautifully playing outside. The screams and fears in their voices caused my husband and I to rush in each room to make them feel secure and comforted. Each time we thought it was over the cries began again. Finally exhausted they each fell to sleep. This time no nap for Giovanni worked for him and us. He was able to knock out immediately. Isannah slowly made her way into a comfortable sleep.

Let’s just say a night of known fireworks may not be the best day to separate rooms. In the future we will not make big decisions like this when fireworks are involved.

Keeping my fingers crossed that they sleep through the night as normal and wake up feeling well rested, secured in their room and happy for being a big boy and big girl now. As for me, now when I look at the monitors in each room and see them labeled as Gio and Isa rather than the nursery room, my chest just hurts a little. I guess we all need to get used to it.