Confessions: I read wedding blogs

I think it’s fair to say that most feminists have pretty strong opinions when it comes to the subject of weddings.

There are many bad things to be said about wedding culture: starting with heterosexism, moving onto bridezilla and other negative stereotypes, pit-stopping at all the traditions historically rooted in misogyny, and ending with the consumerism of it all. I used to have my tent firmly pitched in the “never getting married” camp, but I’ve been rethinking that lately.

I’ve recently attended some fantastic weddings- my good friend’s and my sister’s- that just really warmed my heart. One of my best friends recently got engaged, and when he told me, my heart was filled to the brim with happiness! I searched around to see if I was feeling even a little cynical, but I wasn’t! Not at all! I don’t know how this transition happened, but I’ve recently realized I’m a wedding lover.

In general, I’m not a fan of tradition, big ceremony, or grand romantic gestures. Doesn’t it seem like a wedding is all three of these? Well, not if wedding is simply defined as “celebration of commitment” ? I tend to get some slack from feminist friends when I admit to liking weddings. I use feminism as an analogy: just because feminism means angry, hairy, man-hater to some, doesn’t mean I still don’t identify and claim the word with my own meaning, and just because wedding means big, white, give-the-bride-away to some, doesn’t mean I don’t still want one with my own meaning!

I’m totally single right now, so I’m definitely not planning a wedding. But I do subscribe to a whole bunch of wedding blogs. I subscribe to home renovation blogs even though I rent a place that doesn’t allow me to paint, too. (If you’re interested, two of my favourites are Offbeat Bride and Style Me Pretty). I will also now publicly admit that I watched last night’s episode (in which Jim and Pam got married) of The Office twice. In a row. It was a great episode!

I guess this post is just to say that we like what we like, and let’s not revoke people’s feminist card about it.

Yeah, I’m not a wedding fan, but sometimes they’re fun! It’s just a big ole party. I’m actually going to one this afternoon after work. I was cheering for the Baltimore Marathon runners this morning as they passed my apt and I think they were confused by this girl standing on the side of the road in a waistcoat and tie, lol.

lol my eldest cousin was married a couple weeks ago and it was awesome 🙂 Beautiful backyard wedding, all the family was included, and her dress was absolutely stunning! They told me the stories of all the little details, and how they chose what traditions to use and what they would create as new.

For example, they completely did away with the bouquet/garter thing because of the sketchy origins. And instead of a regular guestbook, they had a photobooth!!! You would have funny pictures taken, and they printed in double so one went into the book with a note from you, and the other was for keeps. So many awesome new ideas out there to really make your wedding your own!

Weddings are just weddings, anything else is a reflection of the individual couple.

My feminist friends and I, however, LOATHE the tradition of unity candles. The pillar candle that is lit by two tapers, one of the groom’s and one of the bride’s. All the couples we’ve seen do this do it because of tradition without knowing its significance. If/When any of us get married, then, the unity candle section will consist of the rest of us going up to the altar and stomping on a pillar candle. This will symbolize not being pointless

I think that just because weddings have a history of oppression doesn’t mean they should be rejected completely. If we as feminists reject everything that has an oppressive history, we wouldn’t be left with much to work with (i.e. we would have to reject universities, the workforce etc). So I don’t think there is anything wrong with loving weddings!

Especially since I think marriage is so far from what it used to be (especially here in Canada). Marriage no longer means a woman submitting to a man. It means a partnership between two people. And, I think that while marriages can sometimes be oppressive, they can also be extremely powerful when you have two people who fully support each other. And what’s not to celebrate about that? 🙂

I know exactly what you mean. I, too, have watched the JAM wedding multiple times. Not only that, I have several friends who are a year older than me and are getting engaged and planning weddings after they graduate this spring. We’ve all been talking about weddings recently and I freely admit that I’ve idly been looking up ideas for my own wedding way in the future, though I don’t have a boyfriend and have no plans of getting married anytime soon. Do I feel ashamed at this? Slightly, especially being as single as I am. Do I feel that I am betraying my fellow feminists? No, because I’m not counting on marriage as being my only accomplishment in life.

I think that, as feminists, we have the unique perspective of being able to see misogyny and oppression where others might not and are able to choose alternatives to such traditions. Add that to the fact that weddings are getting less and less traditional and are being more tailored to each couple, and it makes it easy to have your cake and eat it, too, to use a terribly cliche expression that I’m sure only amuses me this early in the morning.