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Rosie's No Nonsense Advice Thread.

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Again, Tuffy, nobody's settling. In fact, it's quite the opposite of settling. You're having fun without the commitment. That's pretty much the gist of having a fuck buddy. No, masturbation isn't anywhere near as good or satisfying. When the right one comes along, that's fantastic, but people aren't going to want to lay about looking for something they can't even recognize right away before satisfying their urges. We're programmed to want to have sex. Plain and simple. It's a natural urge, and everything else about love is a cultural perk that can make it infinitely better, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's based on something more primal that we all want and can't always have, but it would sure as hell be nice, so we try.

I've yet to meet the right girl. Hell, nobody's even come close. I still need a fix now and again, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I've given up or "settled".

For the record, I do think it's kind of bizarre/funny that everyone is assuming it would be a female that develops feelings of attachment in a fuck buddies scenario. I know for a fact that I could never enter that sort of relationship because I'd be incapable of keeping those feelings separate. And they did an episode of True Life on MTV a number of years back about fuck buddies and more than once it was the guy who was getting attached. it very much depends on the person.

Irina, your fears sound so very familiar, because they are just like mine. But here is what I realized recently in this little perfect disaster I had. Before anything else, your significant other should be your best friend. I honestly believe that. And as such, you're relationship with someone should be based first on that friendship so that you feel comfortable enough to have a level of openness that will allow full and steady communication with each other. It's not about finding someone and then figuring out how to act so that they'll accept you, it's about being the beautiful person you are and finding someone who appreciates you, and then seeing where things might lead. You and I share the same thing, this impatient desire to find someone who loves us fully, someone to be in a relationship with and share our experiences with. But everyone has their trials and tribulations, their obstacles that life places before them that they must overcome. This is ours. We must learn to be patient, to wait for the right moment, because when it comes, it'll be magnificent.

Unless of course that's not what you're worried about, in which case, that's all me. (LOL)

I was only talking about women getting hurt because I cannot speak for men.

It's not about finding someone and then figuring out how to act so that they'll accept you, it's about being the beautiful person you are and finding someone who appreciates you, and then seeing where things might lead.

This is how I feel about all of my relationships. Which is why my friends have the capacity to break my heart. I can't let anyone in, even as a friend, unless I know it will be something real. I used to get trampled on so much, because I gave to everyone what I wanted to receive, whether they were worthy of those affections and effort or not, I assumed everyone had the same motives as me, then I spent quite a few years a complete cynic because of it. I am glad I am mostly over the cynicism, expanded a bit, am able to see that it is about finding who is worthy of of the pain they will cause me, and who finds me worthy of the pain I will inevitably cause them. To these friends I give my love freely, though the price to myself is I cannot ever take it back once I have chosen to give it, ever. I try to be careful. Being human is a damn strange predicament.

I used to get trampled on so much, because I gave to everyone what I wanted to receive, whether they were worthy of those affections and effort or not, I assumed everyone had the same motives as me, then I spent quite a few years a complete cynic because of it.

This. I'm not yet at the cynicism stage, but I'm not sure I wanna go there.

I used to get trampled on so much, because I gave to everyone what I wanted to receive, whether they were worthy of those affections and effort or not, I assumed everyone had the same motives as me, then I spent quite a few years a complete cynic because of it.

This. I'm not yet at the cynicism stage, but I'm not sure I wanna go there.

It is not a fun place to find yourself stuck.

I had to learn that I could care for everyone around me without actually giving all of them my heart. Knowing that there is choice, and that it is actually empowering to accept that even when you do give it won't always be returned.

A drug dealer keeps harassing me on a big order that I placed when I was drunk. I don't really want to do it now. Should I change my phone number?

I've been watching The Wire so all my current drug related knowledge comes from that. If you don't pay up and get the stuff you're Fucked. Even if you change you're number they might hunt you down and Fuck you up. Or, if you're lucky a gay vigilante will take out your drug dealer and your problems will be solved. Man up and get in touch with you're dealer and see if you can take a smaller amount, if not you better just pay up and get the amount you asked for.

Rosie, on nights when I drink a lot, I stop flushing the toilet when I pee because after a few, I start peeing clear and when I finish, it doesn't look like I peed because it's the same color the toilet water was before I peed into it so I just keep peeing the whole night without flushing and the next morning, there is a toilet full of un-flushed piss but nobody can tell except me. Is that disgusting? I do it at friends' houses too and I don't think they know I do it but water is expensive in America and I feel like I'm being considerate when I do that...but should I knock it off? If not, should I at least tell them what I am and have been doing?

Rosie, on nights when I drink a lot, I stop flushing the toilet when I pee because after a few, I start peeing clear and when I finish, it doesn't look like I peed because it's the same color the toilet water was before I peed into it so I just keep peeing the whole night without flushing and the next morning, there is a toilet full of un-flushed piss but nobody can tell except me. Is that disgusting? I do it at friends' houses too and I don't think they know I do it but water is expensive in America and I feel like I'm being considerate when I do that...but should I knock it off? If not, should I at least tell them what I am and have been doing?

Dearest Darling Ritt,

If it's yellow (or clear) let it mellow. If it's brown flush it down. It would be polite to flush at friend's houses, but I wouldn't worry too much about it, especially if they're pissed too, they won't give a toss. Unless it is yellow and/or smelly who cares?

should i also stop replying to some of these people, giving them false hope?

conflicted,
ronnie

Dear Ronnie,

Thanks for your congratulations and concern.

If you've got the time to browse the "missed connections" on craigslist, keep it up.
Also if you're replying to these people I think you are obligated to share all communication on The Cult.
Be nice to people, boost their ego and let them down gently, they obviously need it. I'm worried some of them are a wee bit nuts and rejection will make them crack. You don't want that on you.

Unless you want meet them. Um, wear a real pretty dress and make sure you shave.

I have mind-blowing, life-altering sex virtually every night. While I am obviously extremely sexually satisfied, it is difficult to try to satisfy my partner when I'm so distracted I can't count to one. He says he's has a good time, too, but I still feel guilty that I am unable to help him get to a "happy conclusion". It often doesn't happen, even after two or three hours. He says he doesn't mind and that the fun for him is in turning me into a gibbering, quaking idiot. I can't tell if he's lying.

Is this guilt/anxiety about his lack of finishing something I should just get over? Or is it a sign that things are not as good as they seem?

I can't believe I missed most of this thread. Masturbation can be pretty fantastic..

Dear Rosie,

I'm catching up with someone I kind of knew in school. We exchanged numbers and are in talks of a "date" to just get a drink and play some pool. I say "date" because I'm not sure what her intentions are in the whole thing, if she just wants to be friends. No definitive plans have been made so I ask you, should I invite her to come do pretty much the same thing only with hanging out with two of my friends as well? They are a couple and really chill. This might make me less nervous because it would be a situation that wasn't "all me". Should I just nut up? If so, how?

I have mind-blowing, life-altering sex virtually every night. While I am obviously extremely sexually satisfied, it is difficult to try to satisfy my partner when I'm so distracted I can't count to one. He says he's has a good time, too, but I still feel guilty that I am unable to help him get to a "happy conclusion". It often doesn't happen, even after two or three hours. He says he doesn't mind and that the fun for him is in turning me into a gibbering, quaking idiot. I can't tell if he's lying.

Is this guilt/anxiety about his lack of finishing something I should just get over? Or is it a sign that things are not as good as they seem?

Dear Mena,

You lucky bitch!

Some guys just can't always get there. I bet it will happen eventually.

I can't believe I missed most of this thread. Masturbation can be pretty fantastic..

Dear Rosie,

I'm catching up with someone I kind of knew in school. We exchanged numbers and are in talks of a "date" to just get a drink and play some pool. I say "date" because I'm not sure what her intentions are in the whole thing, if she just wants to be friends. No definitive plans have been made so I ask you, should I invite her to come do pretty much the same thing only with hanging out with two of my friends as well? They are a couple and really chill. This might make me less nervous because it would be a situation that wasn't "all me". Should I just nut up? If so, how?

Dear Mike,

Check it's ok with her first and bring your friends along. Then they can tell you if they think there's something more to persue.
Good luck and get some.

Well it would be more like me inviting her to chill with us. Still no?

Don't cock block yourself is what Tuffy is trying to say. So yeah don't invite friends if she's intent on meeting up with you and doesn't mention any other people. At the very least hang out with her alone before meeting up with any other friends.

I can't believe I missed most of this thread. Masturbation can be pretty fantastic..

Dear Rosie,

I'm catching up with someone I kind of knew in school. We exchanged numbers and are in talks of a "date" to just get a drink and play some pool. I say "date" because I'm not sure what her intentions are in the whole thing, if she just wants to be friends. No definitive plans have been made so I ask you, should I invite her to come do pretty much the same thing only with hanging out with two of my friends as well? They are a couple and really chill. This might make me less nervous because it would be a situation that wasn't "all me". Should I just nut up? If so, how?

Dear Mike,

Check it's ok with her first and bring your friends along. Then they can tell you if they think there's something more to persue.
Good luck and get some.

Cheers,

Rosie.

Dear Mike,

I may have got this all wrong. I'm blaming it on baby brain.
Or, I'm totally right and you're all a bunch of bastards.

Cheers,

Rosie.

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