Tuesday, May 29, 2012

While we were away, I remembered what the Mommie used to say to me as a kid whenever I whined that I was bored. "Go, count the hairs on your head." And when that didn't work, she'd tell me to twiddle my thumbs forward, and then to twiddle them backward.

I think I learned how to occupy myself. Now I'm trying to remember if I used those lines with my kids.

We sat shiva (7 days of mourning) for a couple of days, and then escaped to Cape Cod for our annual trip. We had booked our trip way back in January, and decided to use what was left of our reservation as a time for reflection and mourning and remembering Mom. It was a brilliant idea. We were taken care of, no cooking, cleaning, just long walks to talk about The Mommie. Every day we felt a bit better and more at peace. So I'm glad we went. Was it traditional? Nope, but it worked for us.

So now we're at home and I feel pretty good. I've been driving myself crazy wondering why I wasn't sobbing, but then I realized that I've been watching my Mom slowly decline for months and months. Her dying seemed like a natural conclusion. She didn't suffer, she went exactly as she wanted to. HAH! on going either into a nursing home or hospice. Not my Mom! No way! And I got to be with her for the past 6 years when we moved her to NJ. Besides, she's totally inside me. I've absorbed her, and now I have conversations with her all the time. So, while her body is now longer here, her spirit is very much alive all around and within me. She still doesn't let me win any arguments.

I started a shawl in green, which I'm calling the Elsie Shawl in honor of her. She loved green, mostly olive green, which is not my favorite color. but Piffle on that. I'm using my favorite green. (Hey, I think I might have won a battle here!!!!)

Lace always looks like a messy rag before it's washed and blocked, but you get the idea. I'm about to start another pattern and am charting it out. For once I am not working on a mystery shawl. Yippee. It's fun to actually show a pic.

I have admired English paper pieced quilts for a long time, so I decided to start one. All but 2 of the fabrics are Kaffe Fassett style fabrics. And all in blues and greens. The background is an off white Kona. Here's the first star:

It's good to be back home and back to normal. I think I'll go for a walk before it gets unbearably hot.

Thanks, all you lovely commentators! I do feel quite myself again. It was very very stressful around here since last Sept with Mom health crises, and the last 3 months were beyond stressful. But in all that time, I really incorporated the Mommie into myself, and I truly feel that she is somewhere in there. And wagging that dangerous finger at me!

Monday, May 21, 2012

If a funeral can be good, then The Mommie had one. The weather was lovely, the rabbi took notes from my sister and me about her, and gave the best eulogy going. We really celebrated her life. She's next to my dad, and his entire family and friends are all in the same part of the cemetery. It was like going back to my youth to see all those names there.

We're all doing some crying and lots of laughing with her, wherever she is. The Mommie stories go on and on. Somewhere, she is shaking her finger at us and telling us to behave. Hah! And, Mom, you could have let me win a teensy battle, but did you? Nope. Tough old lady!

I started a new shawl in her favorite color, green, and will call it the Elsie Shawl. Her favorite color was olive green, which I'm not fond of, so this is a pretty spring green. Too bad, Mommie, it's not your oochy green, but it still is green. Maybe I'm winning this argument? Nah.

Pics later on. My head is totally out to lunch. Not much goes on between the ears at days like this. the stress is nearly unbearable, but then I relax, remember how great she was, and feel quite at peace.

Thank you, everyone, for all your warm words of peace and consolation. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

My beloved mother passed away in peace on Tues. night. She was The Mommie right to the end. A strong, virtuous, righteous woman. Stubborn and tough, full of fight and independence. My role model, my fighter (I never did win an argument with her.), the most wonderful mother in the world.

זכרונה לברכה - Zich-ro-nah
li-v’ra-cha. May her memory be a blessing.

Thank you all for your words of comfort. It helps immeasurably! I'll continue to tell Mommie stories because they are all delightful, even if I never won an argument with her.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I'm enchanted with the granny square quilts that are all over the web at the moment, so, brave woman that I am, I decided to make a lap quilt.

Here's what I have so far.

My Bestest BFF had a birthday recently. So I made her a project bag. I might be done with project bags for a little while now. On the other hand, I want to start an English paper pieced 60 deg. diamond quilt, so I will need yet another bag. Probably a small one to start, and then a larger one as the quilt progresses. I'll use almost any excuse to make these bags. ;-)

I'm very edgy today. My mom had a little stroke sometime in the night or this morning, and her left side was affected. She seems to have regained a bit of motion in the left arm, however. She managed to scarf down a good breakfast using her right hand. She's right-handed, which helps. Lately, she'd been using her left hand. Why? I have no idea. She's The Mommie, and that's that.

The various medical folks who visit her residence are talking about having her go into hospice. Nope, too soon for that. She's a fighter, still enjoys her life, and not in any pain or discomfort. Being her medical advocate is maybe the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm glad, however, that I can do it. It's a mitzvah for me to help her out at this point in her life. Very very difficult, but I know her wishes and am confident that so far, I'm doing all right with the decision-making.

scrapperjen - I kinda like the quilt, too. And those bags are beyond adorable and fun to make. I might have to make me a couple more. After all, I'm always starting new projects, so I always need new bags.