Pure Geekness

SUMMER KNIGHTS: THE DARK KNIGHT’S NOBLE STEEDS

By @hmsbeefnuts

Here we go again with another Batman related article, in celebration of The Dark Knight Rises. In this exciting episode….we look at the various vehicles that Batman has employed throughout his crime fighting career. As he has no super powers, apart from being a super bad ass with a bad attitude, Batman has to rely on various modes of transport to get around Gotham, in order to beat the crap out of the latest escapees from Arkham or Blackgate. Who didn’t dream about owning the Batmobile as a child, who doesn’t want their own Tumbler today? Batman is awesome, and as we all know; ‘its the car right? Chicks dig the car?’. Of course they do, so lets discuss some of Bruce Wayne’s wonderful toys.

THE BATMOBILE

How is a vigilante with no super powers supposed to get around town? Sure he could zip line, but it seems so undignified. What said vigilante needs, is a car, and someone of Bruce Wayne’s means can afford one hell of a car, or 17,000. Every iteration of Batman has had a Batmobile, and they have all been awesome in their own unique ways. For my choice though, I have gone for the 1989 Batman Movie Batmobile, a sexy, curvy, badass ride for any man about town. Features? Well the front looking machine guns might not be your typical Batman gadget, but add a self driving feature, shields that turn it into an impregnable cocoon and super cool bat wing spoilers. I think you’ll agree, it is a striking looking town car.

THE BAT BOAT

Villains don’t just ply their trade on land you know, they are a wily bunch. There are times when Batman may need to take to the high seas to tackle a bad guy. What better mode of transport to use then, than the Bat Boat. It’s important that your boat matches your outfit, and the Bat Boat is an excellent example of co-ordination. A sight that will put fear in the hearts of any watery ne’er do wells, and also impress the ladies, the Bat Boat is the premium ocean based crime fighting tool, accept no substitute.

THE BAT COPTER

Who doesn’t want to own their own helicopter? Who doesn’t want to own their own helicopter, that is styled in the fashion of a bat? Exactly, everyone. The Bat Copter is used in a different way to the more commonly seen Bat Wing, but is no less essential to the modern crime fighter. Used as a reconnaissance device, or as a rescue vehicle, The Bat Copter is without doubt, one of the coolest pieces of kit in The Bat Cave. Oh, and don’t forget the Bat Shark Repellent Spray.

THE BAT WING

Crime is world wide. Batman’s base of operations is Gotham City, but there are times when he may need to travel the world, enlisting Batmen for his fight against global crime, or he may need to travel to see his friends in the Justice League. Easy enough for Bruce Wayne to get on a plane, but who wants airport staff looking through your bags and finding your tights/utility belt? It is clear that Batman needs a private plane, obviously in the shape of a giant bat, that he can travel around the world quickly and quietly. Just watch out for ridiculously huge hand guns…

THE BAT CYCLE

When traffic on the busy streets of Gotham becomes a problem, Batman can always substitute the impractical, for parking purposes, Batmobile, for the sleeker Bat Cycle. The Bat Cycle can also be fitted with an optional side-car, for any side kicks that one may have. The Bat Cycle looks the part, is easy to park, and when the bad guys are weaving in and out of traffic, it can be the difference between them getting a severe beating, or getting away. They deserve a severe beating.

THE TUMBLER/BAT POD

I have saved the best till last. In modern times, a car that looks like a bat is, well camp and garish, and how is one supposed to instil fear in the hearts of the criminals of Gotham, driving around in a mixture of a bat and a canal boat? What the modern day, realistic vigilante needs is a tank, or bridging vehicle, that can handle even the toughest urban situation. It also helps that if your ride gets totalled, a Bat Pod can be ejected, that is perhaps even cooler than the Tumbler itself. The Tumbler/Bat Pod combo is clearly the best thing Batman has ever driven around the dark streets of Gotham City, and quite frankly, I want one.