Dissolving Creativity Block

"I have never experienced writer’s block. But recently I did find myself with a condition I’ll coin 'writer’s stammer.'

Having written a good number of books for children, most of them novels, two years ago I switched gears to write a memoir intended for adults. A highly regarded agent received the first half of my manuscript and proposal with great enthusiasm and predicted that the book would be shortly sold at auction. Months passed and that did not turn out to be the case. As a veteran author, accustomed to rejection, I carried on, keeping to my usual schedule, writing a minimum of five days a week, four hours per day. A lot of the time my screen was blank, but that too isn’t unusual. Determined to forge ahead in my book, I began work on a new chapter.

But my new pages lacked traction. I’d been so excited about this project, really in 'the flow.' I’d told myself that this was the book I’d been meant to write my entire life and the agent’s enthusiastic response had affirmed those feelings. But after months of waiting for an offer, my reconnection to this work felt flat. Instead of confidence and excitement I felt uncertain and detached.

And as I found myself writing draft after draft of the same twenty pages, I began to panic, questioning not only the basic premise of the book but the value of my own writing. It seems that the long wait and string of rejections had affected me after all. Having been so certain of what I was writing, I began to wonder about its value.

For years I’d been a children’s author; maybe my decision to write for adults was misguided. Much of what I’d created had its source in childhood stories; why would adults be interested in that? The taxing schedule I forced myself to maintain in spite of my misgivings left me drained and anxious. Full of misgivings, I lost direction, stuck in the same 'new' chapter for several months! Since my fingers continued to move on the keyboard, I wasn’t exactly 'blocked,' but I was certainly in a rut or some sort of mental stammer.

I found myself quite nervous as I attempted to articulate all this to Mark at our first session. Confiding in him how lost I felt made things feel even more at risk; I rarely talked about my writing to anyone and here I was confiding in a virtual stranger.

The directness of Mark’s approach put me at ease. He assured me he was a coach, not a therapist. The work we would do together would be confined to my current dilemma, what to do next regarding my book.

He began by asking me questions about my project and my motivation to complete it. I was invited to examine how this book fit in with others I had written for a different audience. Additionally, he invited me to ponder how this particular work connected to some higher purpose embodied in my chosen career.

I enjoyed focusing on these questions. I told Mark that I believed my earlier published stories had promoted healing. Though it wasn’t something I’d had in mind when I started my career, my own childhood experience with trauma had found its way into my stories. With Mark’s prodding, I was able to see that this new book might promote healing as well. Told from an adult perspective, the childhood stories I had to offer might provide healing for the 'child' that some adult readers carried around inside themselves. This new way of looking at the book I was writing not only deepened my motivation but renewed my confidence. Yet I was still unsure as to how to proceed.

In the second part of our session, Mark asked me to think of my 'self' in parts. This was an approach I keyed into right away. Probably because I’d been feeling so conflicted. It’s not surprising (since I’m a children’s author) that one part I got in touch with nearly immediately was a child.

Mark encouraged me to silently ask this 'girl' inside myself how she was feeling. She told me she was 'tired.' 'Ask her what she’d like to do,' Mark encouraged. 'Ask her what she wants.' This child like part responded that she wanted more than anything to 'take a nap' and then 'go out and play.' This made me smile.

Mark encouraged me to listen to that part of myself and to give that 'child' an answer. The 'part' of me that kept to a rigorous writing schedule and worried about being published, the 'part' that had pushed and pushed to move forward in my manuscript, now understood the benefit of giving way. I promised myself that I would respond to the request of the exhausted 'child' inside me and 'rest' and 'play' for at least a week. And that’s what I did.

Not only did I feel immediate relief but a sense of renewal that allowed me to move on with my work in the coming weeks. Though I have yet to finish my book, I approach this work with much less anxiety. I have also achieved a healthy distance not only from the project but its outcome. The time I spent with Mark reminded me that my work had purpose which heightened its value. I was also reminded that I was a human being, not a machine. Work is important; but it’s equally important to move away from work, to restore myself, to have fun, to play.

I highly recommend Mark as a coach. During a period when I felt overwhelmed, he helped me to objectify my problem in a way that gave me greater clarity, reducing my anxiety. After reconnecting with my purpose as a writer and giving myself a much needed break, I was able to move beyond my 'writer’s stammer.' While continuing to break new ground in my non-fiction project, I’ve begun writing a new children’s book as well."