Comments on: He Wants to Date Other Women Because I’m a Busy Single Momhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/
Understand Men. Find Love.Tue, 03 Mar 2015 21:59:57 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1By: Joekhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-3/#comment-3452073
Tue, 04 Nov 2014 02:51:02 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-3452073Well, only if you have a long checklist and are unwilling to compromise sufficiently.

Look, I’m a guy who’s had a too-explicit checklist, and finally learned to reduce my “absolutes” to a few essentials. It completely changed my dating life, and I finally started meeting women who I really enjoyed my time with (instead of the all-passion/no stability types).

Evan’s advice works for both genders – if you will only accept the moon, you’ll end up with nothing.
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Tue, 28 Oct 2014 17:15:10 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-3310083I’ve thought quite a bit about that. I mat not ever want to rejoin the dating world. I get a great deal of joy and fulfillment in motherhood. I may not want to meet anyone in case I want the freedom to follow my kids if they relocate. I don’t think that’s unreasonable as long as I don’t get romantically involved.
]]>By: starthrower68http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-3309912
Tue, 28 Oct 2014 17:07:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-3309912Which is why it doesn’t make sense for a single mom to date a never-married childless guy. Until a single parent’s children are grown, they can’t come and go as they please. Yeah, single parents get passed over quite a bit, right or wrong. But a single parent who’s truly invested in his or her children won’t see that as sacrifice, but merely what he or she is called to do. When I have done the OLD thing, and would be contacted by childless men or even men who had only.grown kids out of the house, I turned them down. I am not at the point yet where I can come and go as I want.
]]>By: starthrower68http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-3308655
Tue, 28 Oct 2014 15:47:22 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-3308655Among other reasons, I have made the choice to give up the search for a mate until my youngest is grown. I realize that is not an option for everyone, but I don’t regret it. I’m not lonely very often, as I either greatly appreciate alone time that I get or I hang with my close friends and have a great time. I don’t hate being single. I need some space.
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Tue, 28 Oct 2014 14:42:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-3307749I am also finding this a huge problem as I have full custody of my sons of 10 and 14 and their father lives two hours away and only sees them every other weekend. I am finding it impossible to have time with someone I have just met it is so frustrating. I am at that time of life when one son is old enough to leave alone in the evening but I cannot leave the youngest son alone with him. Also I did go out with a man with four kids and he used to come over in the evening to spend some time with me. Then our weekends off from our kids had to synchronise. We split up in the end as it was too much of a juggle. The new man is childless and never married but lives an hour away. No idea what the solution is……”???????
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Sat, 14 Jun 2014 21:18:55 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-1955581I agree 100%. A month isn’t long enough for me to consider giving a man more of my time. At that early stage, once a week or so for a date that lasts a few hours is about what I’d expect (this is called taking it slow LOL). I also agree that she should have kept seeing him, but also dated others. He didn’t say he wanted to stop seeing her, after all.
]]>By: RustyLHhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-1708049
Thu, 15 May 2014 08:31:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-1708049Or maybe he was trying to get her attention. Maybe in his short amount of time with her, he realized that just talking to her about it wouldn’t get him anywhere. I wonder what he would say if we could talk to him. In fact, I wish EMK would request to be able to contact the other person sometimes. He might have a very different tale to tell. In fact, he might reveal that he had tried to request more time with her but she simply used the excuse of the kids and her hectic life schedule to put him in his place. In short, he was having to fit into her life as she saw fit..he had no say. He might even point out that he did in fact try to tell, or hint to her that he needed more time with her. Actually she states that he did actually mention that 1 day a week wasn’t enough.

She makes no mention of trying in any way to be more flexible. So, let’s be honest here. She doens’t really want a relationship. Relationships are give and take. She was only taking, not giving. She was shopping for a check in the block. She would be able to say she had a boyfriend. She would no longer be the pitiful friend who came to BBQ’s alone, or birthday parties, or any other social gathering. When the girls were talking about their guys, she could participate, since she has a boyfriend.

It is very possible that this guy wanted her to really think about it. You have me, a great guy, and yet you don’t appreciate it. You aren’t the only show in town. I deserve more. I will get what I want. If she really thought enough about him, she would have stepped out of her selfish shell and told him that she didn’t want him to see anybody else, but would start trying to find more time to be together. But, as I said, it was never about him, it was about her. It simply would not do for this guy to be seen dating other women. How dare he even think about it. That would ruin everything. She could not sustain the fantasy in her mind that she actually had a boyfriend if he was seeing other women.

She is going to have to delay having a relationship until her kids are grown, or wait for that single dad with a very hectic schedule,

As for women saying you MUST put the children first. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most psychologists disagree. In fact it can actually be damaging to them. I’ll spare you the list, but the first and most obvious is that if you put your boyfriend/spouse second, your kids see that. If they see that, then they learn that this is how you treat a mate, and conversely, you must accept being treated that way by a mate. Don’t be surprised when they knock on your door one night needing a place to live because they are now getting a divorce. Top shelf people don’t settle for being put second.

I loved my mom, who is now deceased. So imagine this. you meet a great guy, he seems wonderful, but he isn’t available much for you, and he either tells you up front, or you learn from observation that you aren’t number one in his life. His mom is. Hey, think about it. She gave birth to him. She made him #1 (kids come first), so shouldn’t he make her #1? After all, she nursed him though hundreds of illnesses throughout his life, and when nobody else was there for him, she was, and when girls did him dirty and broke his heart, she was there, maybe even making him his favorite meal. So why should he make you #1 ahead of his mom? Mom is 100% loyal to him.you are the woman who has a 50% chance of wrecking his life through divorce. Yeah, the smart man puts mom first right?

Or maybe putting a spouse second is the #1 cause of divorce? Hmmmmm…makes you wonder.

Something to think about.

]]>By: RustyLHhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-1707854
Thu, 15 May 2014 08:00:51 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-1707854Dee, you brought up a good point. Often, men decline to date women with children because of the way many women use them as an excuse. In short, because she has kids, he is expected to be at her beck and call. If she has a free weekend, he needs to be ready to go. If she is busy, he has to understand. In short, it is not a level playing field. She can make demands, but he cannot. The minute he does, he is a selfish jerk that has no sympathy for how hard it is to be a single mom. Well, sorry but that is not fair. So any men choose not to deal with it. Others will date a single mom but aren’t expecting it to go anywhere long term. He simply wasn’t seeing anybody else, she came along, and he figures why not enjoy some companionship until a better opportunity comes along. A childless opportunity. He may also get lucky and she turn out to be one of the rare women who can actually find time for him…who can love her children and yet make him feel like he has a very very special place in her heart. In other words, he doesn’t feel like he comes second.

My gut tells me that this guy had one of two possibilities going on. The likely thing is that he met another woman, but wasn’t sure if it was going to go anywhere, so he wanted to be honest with the first woman, still pursue a possible relationship with her, but also get to know this other woman. Most people do that anyway, but this man had the honor and good character to be honest. Now, don’t be so quick to bash people who aren’t honest. As we see, that honesty is almost never rewarded, and almost always severely punished.

The other possibility was that in a way, he was trying to test her…to say to her, “You aren’t the only show in town.” He wanted to see if she would realize that he needed more, and would see him as important enough to fight for. In other words, he might not have wanted to date other women, he might simply have wanted her to realize that if she wanted a relationship with him, she needed to not take him for granted.

See, what seems to be forgotten here is that he was a single dad, so he too had to shuffle things around, and yet was able to find more time to devote to a relationship with her…but she wasn’t able to find time to devote more to him. Seems he is ready for a relationship, but she is not. Good luck finding a guy that will be happy with 1 day a week. Oh, and am sure she has a laundry list a mile long as to what she “deserves in a man.” From a man’s perspective, she’s not much of a catch. Kids, friends and family come first to the point that he gets penciled in for one day a week with this Goddess. Yes he should thank the Gods and be grateful for that once a week blessing. The truth is, she is better off alone, or like EMK said, she has to find that single dad who is also so busy that he can’t find time either. He’ll be grateful that he found a woman who doesn’t screw up his schedule. Short of finding a guy like that, she’s not going to find a top shelf guy that sees her as a prime catch. Just not going to happen. If he’s top shelf, women who are a much better catch than her are going to be available to him. It’s as simple as that.

]]>By: Courtneyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/he-wants-to-date-other-women-because-im-a-busy-single-mom/comment-page-3/#comment-1046369
Sun, 01 Dec 2013 12:36:57 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-1046369The man she finds will be old, fat, bald and ugly. With hair on his back and hunched shoulders. She needs to just quit and give it up. She won’t find anyone handsome, she’ll have to settle for a monster, just like the rest of us women (both those with children & without).
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Sat, 12 Oct 2013 18:28:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=10542#comment-975253My gut reaction to this was NEXT. He was honest about his needs. Maybe he doesn’t want to be a father to your children, however sweet and well educated etc. they are (if he met them at all).
A friend this evening came over and has a child of her own aged 9. She has met a man and they’re in love. He wants a child. She does not. We were speaking between women – and I just said, that could be a real deal breaker. If you say right out the truth that you don’t want children, he has every right to leave.
This is not meant to be a harsh comment – more a reality check. Been there as a single parent and know the situation too.
Maybe you’ll have to wait until the kids are older for romance? (Nothing stopping you going out dating though!)
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