Call it 'The Simpleton Life' as networks go nuts

The three cable news networks went wall-to-wall with Paris Hilton's return to the slammer yesterday, in a way rivaled only by the nuttiness surrounding another talentless blond - Anna Nicole Smith.

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There was no death involved in this case - at least not yet - but a Los Angeles TV reporter covering the event for MSNBC got bumped by a squad car carrying the hotel heiress.

"It all broke loose," KNBC reporter Robert Kovacik told MSNBC anchor Contessa Brewer after he hit the ground during a melee outside of Hilton's home. "Look at this, Contessa. This is a piece of a mike flag from a station in Los Angeles," he added, holding up a shard of plastic.

Brewer, who bounces around a story like a bumper car with just as much control, asked if Kovacik had ever been involved in something like that before, then compared it to the crowds at a rock concert.

"Oh, gosh," she added.

Somewhere, Edward R. Murrow was rolling in his grave.

The coverage was similar across the board, as everyone scrambled to get a shot of Hilton in a sheriff's car, and then, echoing the days of O.J. Simpson's Bronco chase, provided live coverage of the ride to court.

Taste went out the window. Restraint was nonexistent. And sensibility never entered the picture during coverage that went on for hours and hours.

As is the case when the 24-hour networks need to fill time, there was more speculating going on by anchors, guests and other bystanders, than by a carnival weight guesser.

"Maybe she's getting ready to make a fabulous appearance," CNN anchor T.J. Holmes said at one point while the world waited for Hilton to leave home.

Comedian Tommy Chong took note of the silliness on MSNBC when he suggested to Brewer that the Republicans had something to do with Hilton's jail sentence.