December 16, 2018 — DIARY OF CONFRONTATION TO CANCER (part 13)

In the grace that we receive from God there are no divisions into nationalities, views of life and beliefs. Separation, including confessions, invented by people. It does not matter to God whether the Path to it is followed — whether it is Buddhism, Islam or Christianity, regardless of ethnic, linguistic or other ties. But we, people, constantly share something. We divide people into good and bad. Divide the cake into pieces and pieces. We divide living space … These divisions seemed to have become a superstructure above us. Does it matter who you are? More importantly — what are you and where are you? If you’re around, I can hug you and say hello. In any language, “hello” is the wishes of health and health. It is so inconceivably important to wish each other every day health, because it is the basis of life. You are healthy — it means you are alert, you have the strength to maintain your will. With willpower you find yourself. In finding yourself you are rich because you love yourself, God, life, people.

Before the first course I was in love with an Armenian guy. He said to me, welcoming: “Sava ta nam!” — these words sunk into my soul forever. Their translation, “I will take your pains,” has laid trails in many of my poems, in which I reflected on pain, which I don’t want to give to either friend or enemy. A little later, many years after our separation, when an earthquake occurred in Spitak, and my son had a son in those very days, the lines were written: I will take your pains — can I? And, erasing your suffering into a carefree husk, Lullaby carefully I will sing your illnesses. Let them get lost in delirium, insanity, mischief, delirium — I will steal your pain, steal it, and lure myself to it, and hide it … I will not become your failure! Let your soul cry softly — So I will execute your diseases. Do not refuse me, otherwise I will never save myself”.

Four years ago, Bagrat congratulated me on my anniversary. I am grateful to him for this memory, carried through our whole life.

And today, after the prayer in the Christian church, where good parishioners — English, Africans, Russians — prayed for my healing, I understood — how much it does not matter in what language the prayers are said, with what faith you go to Him and what religion you belong to. The main thing is that you are alive, and your heart is filled with love and open to Him.

I continue to wait on December 19 — a meeting with an oncology surgeon in Kyrenia, and on December 24, as an alternative, consult an onsurgeon in Almaty (my husband Volodya will go). To date, collected $ 1200. The operation requires a lot more.

I continue to appeal to you, people of the world — buy an hour of my life. It would be possible to reconcile and not ask for anything, as one person wrote to me in a letter, saying that he believes that it is impossible to ask that it contradicts humility with the will of God. And doubt crept into me — after all, God speaks to you with the mouth of everyone. But when the doubts came after the prayer service disappeared — we are in the world of people in which you do not know what compassion is, unless you know that there is someone in need who needs your help. I need your help according to the law of God: “Ask, and it will be given to you, seek — and you will find, knock — and it will be opened to you.”

In all my requisites, my name is indicated, with the exception of the Russian card, it is in the name of my son — Pavel Volkov.