Tuesday, May 29, 2007

changes

I suppose it's time for a new post. I don't want to write anything else on hearing, but unfortunately it is my new reality. I'm beginning to understanding how much a small change in the body can create big changes on how life is lived and perceived. I've never had a handicap before, and I'm sure as the world goes, this is nothing. I'm learning how to live in a world that sounds different to me now. It's hard to believe how exhausting a lack of hearing is. Isn't that weird? It's hard to be in public. I can't take anything for granted. I'm not sure if what I'm hearing is accurate. The distortion of sound makes it so hard to tolerate being in ordinary places where there are lots of people, like the grocery store, a mall, the driver license center. I'm looking forward to having an MRI done.

A small change...it has sapped my energy and taken away my enthusiasm for ministry. I can't stand difficulties, people arguing, things that don't just work out. My patience is extremely limited. I don't have a normal appetite because I'm taking prednisone. I'm tired and have to nap after doing easy errands.

This isn't a litany of complaints (could have fooled you!!). It's things I'm learning I've taken so much for granted. Simple things. Things that were nothing to me. They aren't nothing any more. What if I was in a wheelchair? Continually forced to sign, to write notes, to live without hearing at all? What if I didn't have all my limbs? So many things can separate us from the "ordinary" world. I seek the quiet, activities that don't involve sound. I guess it works for me, being that I love to paint and draw, and write. Where is this coming to? I have to fight for what I have never had to before. Will things change? They already have.