I don't watch TV ads much anymore, thanks to the DVR (which may be the greatest quality-of-life improver of the aughts--sorry, smartphones), so I can't say I've seen this one other than via YouTube. Thanks a lot, Farhad.

Yeah, that's right. Charmin is advertising fewer left-behinds. Its claim--and I don't even want to know how they test for this--is that you'll get fewer pieces of tissue left clinging to your winkie compared to other tissue.

What's more effed-up, though, is the way they set it up. Mommy bear is checking Baby Bear for his/her day in the world--clean hands, clean teeth, clean...ass? I raised a kid, and not once (after she was out of diapers) did I do a bunghole inspection to make sure there were no toilet paper bits. Was I a neglectful parent? Because I'll cop to that, if the other option means I was supposed to take a chance on getting a face-full of something noxious before my kid--who was not going out bare-assed, I'd like to point out--hit the streets for the day. No thanks.