WITH global conflicts raging, a volatile econ omy and tectonic polit ical shifts afoot, anyone claiming to know what will happen in 2009 is probably named Bernie Madoff. On the other hand, you can make book on what won’t take place next year – and sometimes that’s just as telling.

Herewith, then, my annual predictions for what not to expect in ’09:

* Eliot Spitzer will join the race for mayor of New York City – running on an anti-vice, pro-steamroller platform.

* As President Bush gets set to step down on Jan. 20, his approval rating will shoot through the roof. Europeans, in particular, will wail in the streets over his departure.

* President Obama will name Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich as US trade representative.

* Truly concerned about the public welfare – and feeling guilty about their illegal 2005 Christmas strike – transit workers will voluntarily take pay cuts to spare New Yorkers steep subway-fare hikes and service rollbacks.

* Hollywood’s leading lights will get together and launch a Palin-Cheney 2012 campaign committee. George Soros will donate $100 million.

* Your financial adviser will tell you that, due to a computer glitch, an additional zero was left off the end of your 401(k) balance.

* To show he means it when he says New York is broke, Gov. Paterson will propose a state budget that spends less money next year, rather than more.

* New York Jets QB Brett Favre will complete a forward pass – to a member of his own team.

* Detroit automakers will plead for another federal handout, beaming their pitch by satellite from their yachts in the Mediterranean.

* Beaten to a pulp by Israel in response to its violent provocations, Hamas will forswear violence against the Jewish state forevermore.

* To give New Yorkers a break during tough economic times, New York pols will slash taxes by 50 percent.

* Using his superhero superpowers of rhetoric, Obama will convince Iran to finally stop pursuing nukes.

* Eyeing the polls and eager to return to the job of presiding over wars, economic gloom and global instability, Bush will hire key Bloomberg operative Kevin Sheekey to craft a campaign sidestepping the 22nd Amendment – presidential term limits.

* After being drafted state Senate majority leader, Malcolm Smith will amass so much power that both Paterson and Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver will grovel at his feet.

* Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili will send forces to reclaim the breakaway region of South Osettia – just to see how Russia will react.

* In response, Moscow will do absolutely nothing.

* George Foreman will admit that he really doesn’t know all that much about grilling meat.

* Citing fundamental affronts to democracy, SEIU boss Andrew Stern will renounce his support for a bill to scrap secret-ballot voting at the workplace.

* The Knicks will offer Stephon Marbury $400 million to play for the next 10 years.

* The New York Times will find a bone to pick with Obama – and simultaneously praise Bush for having kept Americans safe from terror.