Friday, June 11, 2010

Following are quotables from “Real Time with Bill Maher” for Friday, June 11th, 2010. “Real Time with Bill Maher” airs Fridays at 10:00PM ET (10:00PM PT, tape delayed) on HBO, with additional replays throughout the week on HBO and HBO 2.

There is good news! BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information.

- Bill Maher, in his opening monologue

Helen Thomas … They got her on tape saying the Jews should get out of Palestine. Yeah, not good, she had to quit. On the bright side, Hezbollah Magazine put her on the cover of their “Women We Love” issue.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

This week we had primaries and they say this is “The Year of the Woman.” The women dominated. As opposed to the last election cycle, which was “The Year of the Closeted Gay Republican.”

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

She [ex-eBay CEO Meg Whitman] said her eBay experience helped her convince voters to buy a load of crap that they don’t really want.

- Bill Maher in his opening monologue

My title came from my marriage to my husband, who by the way is a direct descendent of the Prophet Mohammed, and he has both a temporal but also a spiritual role in the eyes of many, not only in Jordan, but in the Muslim world as well, as a direct descendent of the Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. But for me, from the time I married, to this day, to my dying day, I will simply be a public servant.

- Jordan’s Queen Noor

Republicans are filibustering everything. That’s why. It doesn’t magically take 60 votes to do something. Every time they do that, it is a filibuster. And it’s being used more frequently than it’s ever been used in American history before. And Republicans should answer for that because it’s a really stupid way to run the country.

- Rachel Maddow

It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.

- Bill Maher

Meg Whitman, the former head of, CEO of, eBay and Carly Fiorina, the former head of Hewlett Packard, both said it; they’d like to run the state like a business. Could we please retire this canard? Why should we run the state, first of all, it’s a different skill-set, but a business is there to serve and protect profits. A politician getting elected should be there to serve and protect people.

- Bill Maher

New Rule: Restaurants that serve the greasiest foods have to stop using the ultra thin napkins that only work if you take 1000 of them. These aren’t even napkins. They’re coffee filters. They absorb so little oil I’m surprised BP hasn’t tried them in the Gulf.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: Someone has to explain to me the difference between eating the new McDonald’s Big Mac Snack Wrap—which is basically a handful of burger chunks, lettuce, and sauce all glopped together on a tortilla—and eating out of the garbage.

- Bill Maher in his “New Rules” segment

New Rule: Katy Perry and Lady Gaga must admit that what they’re really fighting about is who gets to be Cher.