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Topic: Gift registry for a housewarming? (Read 20002 times)

We are buying a house this December, and want to host a holiday open house, I hope to avoid receiving gifts, but I will mention Christmas ornaments if anyone insists. However, we are not a new household, we have lived as a couple for 19 years.

I don't think it is rude to have a registry, but I would not solicit gifts via a registry, only if asked specifically by someone close to me.

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ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

When I bought my first house and had a housewarming, I gave ideas about my decor to those who asked for gift ideas. I'd say "Well, my kitchen is blue and yellow, I've got a lot of open shelves in my living room and would love some bookends," etc.

There is nothing wrong with passing on said list or registry to those people who ask if you have one.

It is rude to automatically send that registry with an invitation to any function, with the possible exception of baby and wedding showers.

ladyknight1, your post reminded me. A friend of my parents had a tree trimming party every beginning of December. She'd supply the tree and and the decorations and food for the party and folks would come, usually bringing an ornament for the tree. Everyone else got to come to a hosted party; the hostess got her tree decorated. I thought it was a great idea for a party. And it would make a great housewarming party if you are holding it before Christmas.

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After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

I like that kind of party also, because the host can set up stations of nibbles and beverages, but not have to be serving constantly. If you have the event at a non-meal time, you can even do lighter snacks.

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ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

I would also be really put off by a registry card in a housewarming party invitation .

It would feel less like " Come celebrate my new home " and more like " Here's what I want . "

What about if you got an invitation that didn't mention a registry. Would that be okay?What if this person registered but didn't tell you. Still okay?What if this person told people who requested a registry about it. Still okay?What if this person didn't tell people who did not ask about a registry. Still okay?

You are assuming that registering = putting a registry in the invitation.

Certainly I understand that HAVING a registry does not equal ANNOUNCING the registry -- that would ALWAYS be a no-no. We are discussing simply having a registry for something like a housewarming, and only telling people about it if they ask.

I don't think anyone said it is RUDE to have a housewarming registry. And I certainly think that we'd all agree that there is nothing wrong with telling your relatives and close friends who might be asked by others for ideas a few things you would like, as long as they (and you) wait until asked.

But setting up a registry for yourself when you move, graduate, have a birthday, Christmas, bar/bat mitzvah, etc., even though these are events for which people buy gifts, strikes many of us here as really off-putting, even if you don't send the registry info out. It may not be an etiquette violation, but you can't control how people will feel about it, and that's what we are telling the OP. People may get used to such registries, as they have, in my lifetime, to baby registries, which seemed odd at first. But they haven't yet.

In my opinion, it just seems too anticipatory of others' generosity and too much an attempt to influence the form that generosity should take.

I appreciate that the same logic applies to wedding registries. The reason wedding registries are acceptable is that they were originally only for things that come in patterns or sets, so that's the only way guests could buy them; the store kept track of the pattern and the number that had already been purchased. (And that's why I have the same objection to wedding registries that go on and on for page after page, way past things that come in patterns or sets, too. They make me feel much more pushed to choose my gift only from the preselected items. The whole term "off-registry," as if it were a departure from the expected norm, makes me cringe.)

What about if you got an invitation that didn't mention a registry. Would that be okay?What if this person registered but didn't tell you. Still okay?What if this person told people who requested a registry about it. Still okay?What if this person didn't tell people who did not ask about a registry. Still okay?

You are assuming that registering = putting a registry in the invitation.

Well, here's the thing - people talk. So, if someone who was also going to the housewarming party said, "Have you been to the registry yet?" to me, I'd be surprised because I thought a bottle of wine was all I was going to need to bring. I probably wouldn't decline to go, but I'd feel awkward not bringing a gift from the registry and a bit - I'm not sure exactly what the right word it, but the closest I can come to is uncomfortable or disconcerted that housewarming parties have become such a gift-giving occassion that they have registries now.

It seems like there is registries for everything now a days! I actually heard last week of someone who created one for going off to college and had included it in their graduation party announcements. When anyone in my circle has bought their first house, the guests to the housewarming party usually brought bottles of alcohol to stock a bar, or a plant or some knick knack (brass cricket for the hearth was the coolest one I saw). I usually will get a picture frame or some nice place mats. If someone invited me to a housewarming and told me where they were registered, after my eyeballs quit rolling, I would wish them well on their new place and decline the invite.

Parking my POD here.

I can't believe all the gift-receiving opportunities I've blown. No registry for a bridal shower, wedding, either of my kids or when we moved into the two homes we've purchased in the 20+ years we've been married.

My purpose in throwing a house warming (which I never did - we show hospitality A LOT and throw parties in excess of 100 + people annually*) would be to celebrate my first and presumably only home with friends and family. But our mindset is to move (regularly apparently) so I've informed DH that I will never put my name on a mortgage ever again.

Amongst our social circle in every state I've ever lived in (five) housewarmings are not done (maybe it has something to do with my religion - the only common denominator I can think of). Hospitality is expected to be shared amongst all friends. While I wouldn't condemn anyone for throwing a housewarming (within our association) we just...don't do them.

*in fact we're planning a party for around 250 persons for early fall.

Certainly I understand that HAVING a registry does not equal ANNOUNCING the registry -- that would ALWAYS be a no-no. We are discussing simply having a registry for something like a housewarming, and only telling people about it if they ask.

I don't think anyone said it is RUDE to have a housewarming registry. And I certainly think that we'd all agree that there is nothing wrong with telling your relatives and close friends who might be asked by others for ideas a few things you would like, as long as they (and you) wait until asked.

But setting up a registry for yourself when you move, graduate, have a birthday, Christmas, bar/bat mitzvah, etc., even though these are events for which people buy gifts, strikes many of us here as really off-putting, even if you don't send the registry info out. It may not be an etiquette violation, but you can't control how people will feel about it, and that's what we are telling the OP. People may get used to such registries, as they have, in my lifetime, to baby registries, which seemed odd at first. But they haven't yet.

In my opinion, it just seems too anticipatory of others' generosity and too much an attempt to influence the form that generosity should take.

I appreciate that the same logic applies to wedding registries. The reason wedding registries are acceptable is that they were originally only for things that come in patterns or sets, so that's the only way guests could buy them; the store kept track of the pattern and the number that had already been purchased. (And that's why I have the same objection to wedding registries that go on and on for page after page, way past things that come in patterns or sets, too. They make me feel much more pushed to choose my gift only from the preselected items. The whole term "off-registry," as if it were a departure from the expected norm, makes me cringe.)

gellchom I'm glad I read your post before posting. You've perfectly articulated how I feel about registries in general.

I've never heard of a housewarming registry and can never imagine setting up one. However, I liked how someone suggested sharing their Amazon wish list and I would be willing to do that if asked what I want/need (after I weed through the 800 items and pick out a few things that would be appropriate for a housewarming). I would also be willing to invite people to look at my Pinterest boards to gain a little bit of inspiration, and share that I love succulents. Other than that, I would not do or say anything else and accept any gift graciously.

[I agree. When friends move into new places, I usually bring a basket with a loaf of bread, some fancy salt and a bottle of wine, which is what was commonly done for housewarmings where I grew up. Other small things, like houseplants or dishtowels or something, seem normal too, but a registry strikes me as very grabby.

This is what I do! It's for good luck! A pretty basket or bowl that can be used or displayed as decoration is a bonus.

Bread that this house may never know hunger.Salt that life may always have flavor.Wine that joy and prosperity may reign forever.

Exactly! I knew the symbolism behind the items, but I never heard the pretty little poem before. I'm actually going over to a friend and her husband's new place this evening, and bringing the aforementioned present. Maybe I'll write out that poem on a card as well .

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If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

I guess a bottle of wine or other alcohol seems like it would cost about the same as.a bath towel or some oven mitts so I guess I don't really see getting all that upset because wine makes a house feel homey but for the same price a kitchen item or other household item wouldn't?

I wasn't aware there was a difference. In my earlier comment, I meant a wishlist.

Goosey is probably thinking of wishlists the same way I do. It is a list for me; things that I'm considering, things to pad out an order (more important before Amazon Prime, when you needed $25 worth of stuff to get free shipping), things that I'll buy when I have the money. Now, if Best Friend wants to look at that list and order my Christmas present? Cool. But the primary audience for the wish list is Yours Truly.

I had a housewarming when I bought my house because I was proud of it and wanted to show it off. It was only when the first eight or ten people showed up, each with a gift, that I realized that housewarming attendance = housewarming gift in my area.

I had issued invitations to quite a lot of people, including my next-door neighbors (who didn't show up), and I still cringe to think that my invitation may have come across as a gift grab.