Saturday, January 21, 2012

Disney Princess For A Day

First off let me say a few things, even though I grew up on these movies and loved them as a child, I grew up and realized that these bitches were some prissy, no balls kind of bitches. Listed below are things that if I was a Disney Princess for a day that I would do.

Ariel- This bitch gave up her voice so she could have a pair of legs, If I could be Ariel for a day I would have told Prince Eric he could kiss my fucking fin tails and if he didn't like it I'd find a merman that did.

Snow White- Snow White was a naive little airhead..If I was her for a day I would have traveled to land of Oz and asked the Wizard for a fucking brain, because who really takes food from a stranger? Especially one who looked like that fugly old lady.

Jasmine- My oh my...If I was Jasmine for a day I would tell my father that first off I'm like 13 fucking years old there is no reason I need to get married at this age, AND when I do decide to marry it's going to be MY damn decision, also to teach me some responsibility maybe I should get a goddamn job instead of lounging around the Palace all damn day like a spoiled fucking brat.

Belle- One word sums it all up: Necrophilia

Cinderella- If I could have been the original Disney Princess for a day, I would have punched my step sisters in the throat when they tried to lock me my room and shoved my step mothers head in the toilet for good measure.

Sleeping Beauty: If I could have been Princess Aurora for one day I would have eaten a fucking breath mint before kissing the prince...I mean she has been asleep for a 100-fucking-years right???

Pocahontas- This is the only Disney Princess I don't take issue with, She was strong willed, stood up for what she thought was right, and wasn't fooled by the perfectly coiffed Disney Prince hair that all these stud muffins sport.