"Good Luck Chuck"

How this horrendous waste of film ever got on the screen without an NC-17 rating is a mystery to me. The opening scenes contained sexual acts and obscene references to body parts that cannot be described in a family newspaper or Web site and, in at least two scenes, were saved from being X-rated by a thin layer of spandex.

The final scene that runs through the end credits involves a stuffed penguin and was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. Morgan Freeman should hunt these people down.

I'm not a prude easily rattled by such things. After all, I do teach in a high school, and I found "Knocked up" to be hysterical. But this movie isn't funny.

Dane Cook plays the cursed Chuck, a man who can never find love himself, but every woman who has sex with him turns around and finds the man of her dreams. There's a long painful montage of graphic sexual content that serves no purpose except making you wonder how anyone could make sex look so boring and celibacy look so good.

There are no jokes or comic writing in this movie. The sex and profane language are the jokes, and when the main characters use crude slang terms for breasts or other body parts there's a pause, as if to give the audience a chance to break out in uncontrollable laughter. The pause is a waste of film time.

This movie was written by Josh Stolberg, whose credits include three episodes of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," and directed by first-timer Mark Helfrich, who has edited the "Rush Hour" movies and "X-Men: The Last Stand." Why are movie companies shelling out money to these people to make these horrible pictures when there are children starving in the world?

This movie is mean spirited, demeaning to anyone with breasts, and insulting to penguins. The only people who will enjoy this ghastly piece of garbage are adolescent boys who can't get hold of a Playboy.