#2151 The facts of life

April 3, 2012

Christy Turlington. Photo: Peter Lindbergh

1. Remember my mate’s lady friend who was so unimpressed by my comments regarding her attendance of FIT that she got up at dinner, stormed out (followed closely by my mate), then turned around and told him she’d never talk to him ever again? Yeah, that one. Lo and behold, she turned up again on Saturday night. It was at a bar in TriBeCa, and we bumped into each other in the extremely narrow corridor at the entrance. I said hello. She looked at me, made a small puking sound, looked away, then walked off. But no matter where we went in the bar, the other would just happen to be standing in ridiculously close proximity. Eye contact was inevitable, frequent, and prolonged. Sure, I kept glancing at her, but she was actively staring. Every time I caught her eye, I’d raise my hand and give her a little wave. She’d see it, scowl, and look quickly away. This happened no less than seven times. Finally, I made my approach. “Listen,” I said. “This is crazy. Can’t we just be friends?” Her response was swift and unexpected: In one fluid motion, she threw her drink in my face. I staggered back, wiping water from my eyes. “Wait, wait, wait,” I spluttered. “So that’s a no?”2. I’m not a huge fan of tattoos, but I always thought it’d be cool to get a small cluster of line-drawn seagulls seeing as they’re the only thing I can actually draw (true story). Last week I found out that Justin Bieber has a tattoo of a cluster of line drawn seagulls. Great minds think alike..?

3. Just when we thought everything was coming up roses for Hank Moody, some blast from the past turns up and spikes his drink in a romantic little double suicide attempt. When will he get his girl? WHEN!? (NB: Spoiler alert.)

4. Is it weird to pee in bottles in your bedroom if you can’t be bothered going to the bathroom? Cos I have this friend…

5. I’ve already shared this on Tumblr and Facebook, but it’s so good I’ve got to do it again – I watched BBC’s early 90s fashion documentary The Look yesterday and it is insane: Anna Wintour in her early 40s, Linda, Naomi and Christy in their primes, Karl Lagerfeld before Dior Homme, Suzy Menkes admitting she used to sneak into all the shows, Gianni Versace alive… this is the best thing I’ve seen since Catwalk. Watch it immediately.

6. Little Brother Spring/Summer samples have apparently arrived. I get to see the fruits of our labour on Thursday. I’m excited and terrified all at the same time. But mainly just excited. Four months till it drops!

8. “I’ve met so many amazing people but I have no idea when I’m going to see them again. It’s almost like so many people come in and out of my life, whereas I’m not part of anybody’s life, except myself.” Bryan Boy – on the pitfalls of a seemingly glamorous life filled with international travel.

9. My number one song of the week features Drake, T.I., Kanye West, Fabolous, Rick Ross and Andre 3000. Huge. Plus, it includes Drake’s sexiest line of all time: “You lookin’ bad, girl for goodness sakes, you with all those curves and me without no brakes.” Get in the game.

10. My favourite New Zealander arrives in town in one week exactly. HOLLA AT DAVID DALLAS! (He’s about to give New York NZ-itis.)

1. Bitches be crazy. Possibly the most awesome thing I’ve read all week. You know you’ve made it when a girl has thrown her drink in your face. (But seriously, WTF lady?!)

2. Do it then tell everyone Justin Beiber stole your idea. Nothing to do with what you were saying but I got x2 tattoos in the week following my 16th. My conservative Christian parents nearly shipped me to Antarctica.

Wowsers. Maybe it’s kismet at play. The last time you mentioned this She-Devil didn’t you also reference The Knottery and Drake and look out, it’s happened again… just coincidence or is something spooky going on here?

listen. this one time, I was in auckland and you djed (is that correct? spun some tunes? whatever) at the bar I was at and you were only playing 90’s rap and hip hop and I wasn’t even supposed to be drinking, but your set was so banging that I got so drunk and my friends were all “let’s goooo I’m bored” and I refused. I was wearing a black cape dress and timbalands. And now your fav song is like, my all time favourite song (and has been for agez, I can rap all it) Long story already told, but if you skipped to here, can we be friends?