steven spielberg

Harrison Ford has just signed on for the 5th, and perhaps final, installment in the original Indiana Jones series, according to producer and director Steven Spielberg. Spielberg, who is a spry 69-years-old, will direct Ford in the outing, slated for release in 2019. Ford will be a wrinkled 76-years-old upon the film’s release.

“I know I can’t do these forever, and if it wasn’t Steven making it again, I wouldn’t be bothered,” said Ford. “They tell me that this film is about Jones’ search for his missing Medicaid card. Sounds about right to me. At my age, I’m just not as limber and mobile as I used to be. Should be a really exciting adventure.”

“We’re going to be visiting some amazing locales in this movie, including Jones’ bathroom, his bedroom, and the living room couch, as he searches for his insurance card,” said Spielberg. “This is going to be the most action-packed film that a nearly 80-year-old man could ever hope to star in.”

The movie, being produced by LucasFilms, will be a summer tent-pole, as fans are just about as eager for the film as can be expected for a series this beloved.

“I mean yeah, I guess I’ll see it eventually,” said Roger Joy, 38. “I grew up with the originals. Crystal Skull kind of sucked, but as long as Harrison Ford doesn’t have to interact with the walking mannequin that is Shia LeBeouf in this one, it will be okay. I’ll at least catch it on Netflix.”

The copyright held on Hitler’s manifesto, Mein Kampf, runs out on January 1st, 2016, and there are already a dozen filmmakers readying their big screen version of the leader’s book.

Stephen Spielberg, who is best known for his films Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List, says that he has been working on a screenplay for the big screen adaptation of Mein Kampf for over a decade, merely waiting for the copyright to expire so that none of Hitler’s relatives would be able to profit from the book.

“Oh yeah, I’m a big fan of Hitler,” said Spielberg. “I mean, I made Schindler’s List because I was really interested in that time period, and in Hitler specifically, but I couldn’t make the movie I wanted to make back then. The studios were definitely not letting me make a Mein Kampf film. They were never going to purchase the rights. Now that the copyright is expiring, I can make it a great, huge, holiday film.”

Other directors, including Kevin Smith, John Waters, and JJ Abrams are also in the process of writing screenplays based on Mein Kampf. Smith, who is known for his satirical and comedic films, says that he is planning on titling his film Mein Kamfy Chair, and telling the story of Hitler’s favorite Lay-Z-Boy.