Friday, March 21, 2008

A Quest: Part 2

I moved to stand beside a tall man with dark hair. “Hail and well met, fellow adventurer!” I cried (yet not too loudly). “What noble quest brings you to these hallowed halls?”

He made no answer, becoming suddenly engrossed in a pamphlet. Likewise, the woman to my right began texting vigorously, her thumbs darting like short, fat snakes. Strangely enough, it seemed that all the patrons of the DMV near me became quickly consumed in their own matters, leaving me to wait in silence.

At long last, the numbers upon the wall matched mine own and I marched proudly to the open window, my paperwork in hand.

“It is no import, person of indeterminate gender! I have ventured forth from the lands of Redmond at behest of the most noble DMV to register my pickup!”

“Right. Do you have the paperwork?”

“Absolutely! Allow me to-“

“Just hand it over.”

I do so, though the tone of this ‘Bruce’ leaves much to be desired. Bruce commences to input the necessary data, his or her fingers dancing like drunken, wrinkled elves upon the keys.

“What’s the make of your vehicle?”

“Why, it was forged in the Unending Fire by the master smiths of Great Nippon!“

Bruce gazed evenly at me for a moment, a brow arched to suggest either a deep understanding of my words or to subtly suggest he knew not of what I quoth.

“I don’t have an ‘Unending Fire’ option,” he finally said.

“Most strange! I would have thought that all lands were known in the great halls of the DMV!” I made a sweeping gesture, which narrowly missed hitting a small woman of Asian descent at the window nearest mine own.

Bruce did rub his or her eyes. “Perhaps you could tell me the name of the smith who forged your pickup?”

“Of course!” After a brief consultation with my paperwork, which bore many strange and foreign words, I found the name I sought. “Toyota” I answered proudly. “A name most befitting a truck of such stature!”

“$63, please.”

My checkbook I did open, to reveal a check which bore a picture of kittens sporting merrily with a ball of string. Upon this I scrawled the required amount, which I slid to Bruce of Indeterminate Gender. More arcane devilry happened behind the window, as Bruce’s fingers flitted upon the keys. At long last, a machine unlike any I had beheld did spit forth a piece of paper, which Bruce slid to me.

“There you go, sir. You’re registration is updated.”

I held the paper up to the light, so that I could better behold the runes inscribed upon it. “Truly, a most portent spell must be inscribed upon this parchment! How, pray tell, would one such as I gain access to the magic it holds?”

Bruce did sigh, a mighty sigh that did fog the window betwixt us. “Put it in your glove compartment. It’s your proof of registration if you get pulled over.”

“Verily, a most potent enchantment indeed!” I bowed. “Many thanks, Bruce of the DMV! May you one day learn in which restroom you belong!”

Bruce did smile. “Please go.”

“To work!” I cried and leapt for the door. Outside, a cool breeze blew across my countenance and I felt suddenly renewed, rejuvenated, refreshed and other words beginning with ‘R.’ I realized I had finished the Quest and gained valuable experience.

“Ding!” I shouted, before dashing towards my most noble pickup and whatever new adventures awaited.

My word, I must do that next time I go to one of the many time-consuming government offices, maybe bring along a friend, see how many weird looks we get, and how long it takes for us to get kicked out when we start fighting the 'imaginary' demons of hell.