Friday, August 28, 2009

Been fighting with my sheets,Nearly crying in my sleep,Yes, I'm battering that welt-up gripe,The most frustrating type,You should have racing stripes.The way you keep me in pursuit,Sharpen the heel of your boot,And you press it in my chest,and you make me wheeze,Into my knees you do promote me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Damn, now you think that i'm vain....and i look vainer when I'm try to fix my unmanageable hair. I'm not that vain you know, its just that my hair is always awkward all the time unlike the normal people. I will not be vain if i got normal hair that will follow my hand okkeyy? Don't call me vain!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I done my part, it didn't work out and I'm falling out. Perfect.Now i don't need to worry about the commitment to my imaginary girlfriend which i sadly make believe myself bwhahahha. So there, history repeat itself. Things fail without it even started. Good and I'm still single after 20 years. Should i be worry? naaah

I remember my life when i was back in Scotland, my teenage life. It was alright, not too bad, i was shy though but I'm kinda like the person who get the attention the most because of where i came from. Being the only foreigner in the school. Galashiels Academy was the school name.

(c)copyright Mary and Angus Hogg

Damn i missed Scotland, it was like a dream land, so green and spectacular, so medieval. Four years went too fast and i thought I was gonna live there forever.

i remember this spot, the spot where i had a snowball fight, it was priceless. I can still remember my first head shot...

It was kinda hard to blend-in because of the accent, religion and cultural different but then after a year i get used to it. Over there the secondary school system are different, we went to the teacher's class instead of just stay in one class and then the teacher came in as in Malaysia. I always skip the english class though because i was stress out with the essay, poem, novel and stuff. I hate english, it was too hard at the time but now everything change.

This is when i was 13 years old wearing the school uniform. Hehehe...goofy gile.

Girls over there were awesome because they were the one who tackle you...kekeke. Not to mention they were hot, especially the blond...hehehe and there was this girl, my school mate, who was so pretty, so into me, so sweet but i never gave her the answer she wanted i don't know why. She always ask for my help when she got a problem with the school task, it was the only way for her to communicate with me beside asking some random question about my hometown. i think i loved her but i don't know i was too shy, I always awkward in front of girl, my tongue tied.

Too easy to attract, too many option which made me prefer being single but when I'm now back in Malaysia i was like 'wow', I was fucking ego because i turned down every single one of them acting cool as nothing to look forward to. Shit, rugigile... my love life was like none, loser gile but at least i had a more silent but connected puppy love.....bwhaahahahahha....cam sial... the rest are history.

One other reason i was single, i think it was because of my obsession with a 3d software called Blender. I started using it since i was 13. i was so obsessed that i even skip school to explore the mystery of the computer generated image. It turn my dream into reality, I was hyper. I snap out of it though after my hard drive broke down which bring me to oblivion, all my 40GIG of artwork were all gone, damn, I was so sad, at least i still got the skill though. You can call me a geek :)

This is the channel street which is the street where my apartment located. The shop closed at 6pm and suddenly the street became a ghost town. The street were the spot where i played football and i remember one day when the ball hit and broke the window of a bank and the police came and we were running like hell....hahaha Eventually when i got home a police came in and interview me of what exactly happened. It was funny. After that day people were not allow to play football on the street ever again...hahaha...we were the football legend of the street...

I finished my O level when i was 16 and then i work over there for a month in a floss factory. My first ever job btw and i earn 250 pound for a week, so that mean 250 times by 5.8(it was 6.4) RM1450 per week, 1450 x 4 = RM5806 per month, not to mention the OT and it was for a labour job. All i done was siting in a chair make a box from the cardboard and feel-in the box with the product and maybe stick a label onto the box, easy piecey but i need to work for 8 hours starting from 8 am until 4pm. Damn i love UK and its currency...hahaha

I remember there was this hot blond girl which i flirted everyday....hahaha. We were like siting parallel to each other but facing away, and she can't stop looking back at me every single time when she was working...omg, same with me and we know our pattern, it was funny but i didn't talk to her, again, damn i was shy, fuck. After a month i quit the job without saying a single word to her but we were instinctively connected until i left for Malaysia. It was weird. I'm weird, I always had these moment in my life and it leads me to nowhere...i never had the courage to take the next step, i was insecure. I'm suck with girl.

Sweet sixteen....bwhahahahha

Yeap, history repeat itself, its over before it even started. I'm waiting for the one who gonna break this curse. Oh well...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The time when you were away it was a shock at first, now I'm over it and i think i can cope, don't worry.

I'm really sorry kid, i don't know, now I'm confused whether i like you or not. I think the feeling were just an illusion created by you reaction and its burning out.Don't put your hope in me okey? i don't want you to hurt.

I think we should let things loose because i don't think i can handle you and you are too young to limit you choice now don't you think?

I hope you are not mad and I'm sorry if i gave you too much hope. I was just trying to make you feel better. I really meant what i said but i don't know, sudden realization and the feeling are all gone now. I'm confused. i don't want to live in denial, I'm sorry.

Believe me you will find a person way-way better than I'm, the one who suit you more.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hmm...nothings seem to goes to plan these days. The time, the energy, the memory, the blackout, the DVD, the av cable for laptop thingy... It was meant to be a surprise for the nite but they can't play it because of a technical difficulty. i was gutted...

Oh well... its still a surprise though, a facebook surprise. At least it brought them to tears :)

Congratulation to Mark and Kak Azwin! Enjoy...

Its always a pleasure to do these things but i wish i had more time...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

When i look back, I always scarifies to make myself useful to the one who need me the most but in return i always get the SHITE. Some people are so damn opportunist that they only be so friendly and kind to you when they realize your arsenal so they can exploit it. Not to mention one of my cunning diploma lecturer whom i made him a montage for this one huge event lied to me and also ended my chance to get the vice chancellor award after ruining my GPA for this one sucky semester of controversy. All the hard work came down the drain and all he can do was just being an ignorant. I was pissed off man. He don't even paid me for the montage for god sake. Not to brag or what, I just want to share, but yeah, it was suck, at least i learned that these people really do exists on earth. They only think of themselves. Being the nice guy all the time I don't even know what i will look like if i reach my limit. I forgave him though but the pain, it leads me to a new phobia or, paranoid? Its all history now. Thanks god, at least I can see that it was just a minor challenge in life compared to all the good things god gave, its endless. You can't get all the things that you want but you should always glad of what you already have. These sucky things that happen in life really make you stronger. Sometime if you aim too high you will end up being disappointed. I think i will let things loose a bit so it lessen the stress.

Hahaha about this girl, i don't know, i'm confused. Too many obstacle and i may also be delusional in the place that she putted me in. All i can say that she got the option and i just hope i stole her heart already before anyone else. When think about it maybe i should not hope but my instinct can't stop calculating and produce the same result all the time. I just wish she can cut my hope early and clearly if she were just playing around with my heart(unintentionally?). Why can't you be honest?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

You know what, i think i understand why you act the way you act. The things that i wished was way too ambitious, almost impossible. How can a lame guy like me who travel with public transport hang out with a girl of your class. I'm just glad that you know how i felt about you though. Yea, i understand the reality that this things between us will never work. We are too different to start with as you said. I wish you the best. I will have another go with you if i became successful one day though -- hahaha -- 'if'.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Todaywas alright. I'm loving my Humbug, thanks to my brother who got the whole album from i dunno who, while in the reality the album is not release yet..so wtf? Anyway you are so cool bro thank you! HUMBUG is a Hammer!! Psychedelia Orgasm!

Today i finished my proposal for my thesis which is related to the Open Source Software (OSS). I'm kinda optimistic about it since it will be my first ever thesis! Gambate~!!!

Today I also done presenting the group project for my project management class. Thanks to Sarah for the research and me for nailing a tag line for our advertising company 'Bolt', Illuminate to Eliminate--What do you think? Pure class aye? Not to mention the gesture for the tag line. xD

Todayi was kinda blur and so sleepy, i only sleept i think roughly one hour yesterday and my eating pattern was kinda offset a bit and i skipped my lunch, so at the afternoon i decided to go to the KFC all alone and eat as there will be no tomorrow--bwhahahhahaha. I just found out that i love being all alone by myself for some weird reason. Maybe i'm sad? or maybe the calmness? whatever, it was great. Twister, Cheezy wadges, Alskan Fish Burger, and the Ice Cream Jelly thingy. Fuck Mc D!

Today i felt so sad that she still kept insulting me. I'm so depress it ruin my whole day. I gave my heart to her and she fucking messing with it and my heart--my heart--its fucking gone. I'm lost and I have decided that I'm done with her, I don't want to hope anymore. I gave her so many chances and she never learn. FUCK YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU!