March 16, 2012

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We took this photo in Mexico. I was 15 weeks along and we were well on our way with documenting Liam's beautiful pregnancy.

I'd always loved this photo. J had put a flash behind us because it was pitch dark out and after about 10 takes this is what we got. It was perfect. Symbolic of the life that was growing inside of me. The life we created and loved and couldn't wait to meet.

We chose Liam's name during that trip. "Liam, if he's a boy"...

I look at this photo now, and well, it's taken on a whole new level of meaning. I'm thankful that we didn't wait to start taking pregnancy photos because each one means so very much.

Who would have thought that five weeks later i'd be lying in a hospital bed fighting to save Liam's life?

Sadly, I don't have very many photos from when I was pregnant with Molly. Aside from the pregnancy glow I had during the first few weeks, I felt so sick most of the time that I just didn't want to be on camera. Actually, that's applies in general, but it especially does when I'm feeling and looking like crap.

It's too bad because I would have loved to have some pics of my belly--something that we never did. Sigh.

I love this photo - the darkness and the bright light, and the way the threads of light envelop both of you. And I love that it's not an obvious pregnancy photo, but that Liam is here and everywhere in this picture.

It's so nice to have those photos. I wish I had more. I kept thinking I'd just take more photos once I was bigger and really looked pregnant, and then...I just stopped growing, and never anticipated that could happen. The few photos we have from our trips, or that my husband captured when we were decorating our Christmas tree while I was pregnant really are so special to me. I'm glad you have this one to remind you of the happy moments you shared with Liam. Those good memories are the ones I try to remember most when I think of my Madeleine. I can't replace the hospital memories with these sweet ones, but I can choose to meditate on the moments of love as much as possible. I wish you a gentle day.-Brie

What an incredible photo. Sometimes I don't know what to say on here, because there's no way I can really comprehend your grief, and I feel like anything I would say would somehow trivialise it. But I want you to know I'm reading. Kellie xx

Brie, As soon as I hit 3 months and we announced my pregnancy J started snapping away no matter if I showed or not. I'm so thankful he did. I'm glad that you have some photos too. Like you, I try to concentrate on the moments of love rather than our time in the hospital but it's difficult because it was our last month together. The photos I have from our last days together are of us in our hospital bed. Frightened. And hoping, hoping, hoping.

Kellie, your words have always been gentle and caring and warm. Thank you for reading. For listening. It means more than you know. xx

We don't have many photos from when I was pregnant. Not on purpose, we just don't take a lot of pictures unless we're going somewhere. I wish that we had more. Although we did get married when I was six months pregnant, just four weeks before Maggie died. And I can't look at the pictures now - it just makes me so sad to look at how happy I was, and try to reconcile that with where I am now. I guess I'll get there, but I'm not there yet.