It’s not you, it’s the disease

I suffer from depression. I’ve told you this before though haven’t I? I’ve told you a few times and a few times you have all been really amazing and supportive. My depression has had a negative effect on my weight loss journey and it isn’t my fault.

I’m willing to bet that someone else has experienced this too and I’m pretty sure it bummed you out as well. But I’m not going to go into Cortisol again, I’ve done that already.

This post is about how I grew a pair and sought the help that I so very obviously needed. Guys, it was pretty effing dire there for a minute – not even kidding either, I had to contact Life Line over the weekend.

No, I’m not fishing for sympathy, so please don’t give me any of that. I’m also not going to appreciate any comments about selfish behaviour and the like, because I don’t agree with that either. I’m being honest about the state of my mental health, and I hope that it helps anyone else suffering from depression come to terms with their mental health in the process.

That terrible darkness made me realize that I needed to seek outside help. I can’t do this alone and that I’ll probably never be able to and that’s okay. It is not my fault that I have a chemical imbalance and it isn’t your fault either. My doctor broke it down for me in a really wonderful way. He said that for too long people have considered mental illness as a broken state of mind, when really it is just another illness that people have.

Think about it, would you be ashamed of having the flu?

You can’t outrun it and you can’t ignore it and hope it goes away – it’s also nothing to be ashamed of. I’m struggling to let go of that stigma though, the one where I need to be dreadfully embarrassed about feeling depressed. And for the record, depression isn’t just feeling sad. It isn’t something that you can just “get over” and you can’t just “pull yourself toward yourself”.

I really hate it when people tell me that.

So, I’m on medication now and will be for the rest of my life. Statistically 98% of depression sufferers who relapse more than twice after stopping treatment will have to continue treatment indefinitely. That means I’m on antidepressants forever and ever and that’s okay.

It will also take up to 14 days before I start feeling a notable difference. But, medication doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll be Mary Poppins forever and that I will never ever have a down day. It does just help me cope with them a hell of a lot better than I have been this year. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but at least I will be able to get through them all a little bit better than I have been.

That is a big deal!

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4 thoughts on “It’s not you, it’s the disease”

Brave lady I commend you on sharing. I have been dealing with my depression since I was a child and I have adopted the attitude of not giving a shit about what others think depression is. This is my life and my mind and I will do what I need to get through each day. Be it taking my medication every day and practising self care I. E . Doing the little things that that give me a pearl of happiness. Keep doing what you need to to survive each day and celebrate life. You are strong beyond measure!

I’m glad you realised you needed to do something, and were able to do it. That you needed help. And that your meds are not for taking only when you feel bad, but alao when you feel happy. So many people don’t realise that depression meds are for life, not just for the downward spiral. To me, it’s simply another form of supplement – for my brain, not my heart. Still needs to be taken every day. Good for you!