llcooljayddddehttps://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com
Not the coolest known to the World, but the coolest known to Self.Sun, 10 Dec 2017 06:48:25 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngllcooljayddddehttps://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com
Yesterday’s Shit!https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/11/28/yesterdays-shit/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/11/28/yesterdays-shit/#respondTue, 28 Nov 2017 04:40:11 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=3225]]>For some reason the Ghosts of Past Relationships likes to do brief check ups on my current life. All of these ex-boyfriends all of a sudden want to reenter my life. Claim to correct all the wrongs they’ve ever encountered with me. Why has 2017 done this to me? I mean ex-boyfriends from high school, junior high school. If Ali Bell calls me, then I know I’ve got some good kitty kat. Meow. But this is getting ridiculous. I’ve finally decided to commit myself to one person. Yes, someone from the past. But this was someone that I pushed away. It was a long time ago and I was a different person back then. But our relationship is like something I’ve never experienced. I’ve been getting and giving the loyalty that I’ve always wanted. He makes sure that I’ve eaten. He even cuddles up with me on my couch in the cold dark dungeon. He puts a smile on my face. And when I’m a complete bitch to him, he doesn’t want to argue back with me. He leaves me alone when I want him to. But I never want him to. He’s what I’ve always wanted in a boyfriend. But why am I still tempted to fuck it up, of course?! Why is HE still on my mind? Why did I see him back in October in the streets? I fucked around and called my boyfriend Jack Sparrow, being that my ex was Davy Jones. I have daily visions of him coming back again. Only now, I have someone’s heart in my hands. How can I end the cycle of lies and deceit, if the cycle continues to fight in me? How can I still want to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to fight for me?

How can I still be hungry if I already ate? And yet, I’m still craving a burger from Wendy’s.

Work has been keeping me occupied. But still these exes just won’t stop. There’s Jevon, Lucious, HIM, Rashawn, Baby Grinch, and the list has just gone on and on. I’ve shown bae the texts, he’s not surprised. He knows I’m a good one. But my mind is a challenge, all on it’s own. I been trying to just be Jayde, but Dyana and Delilah know how to work their magic and unleash the devil. Those hoes can’t be stopped. They may never be tamed.

I’m not as depressed as much. I can honestly say I’ve been happier since Bae came back into my life. But I want to keep him private from the world for right now. For some reason, I like the drama of my past coming back. I enjoy making my exes suffer. Giving them the same fiery Hell they caused me way back when. I feel mildly evil. Not Cruela DeVille evil, but just about enough cruelty in prances around in my cerebellum.

Anyways, I know that I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’ve been neglecting my literature. My true peace of mind and clarity. But Bae has been the reason. He’s been motivating me. He’s been nourishing me. We’ve been upgrading each other. But now, I must get back into the things that have been there for me when he was not. I’ve been trying to get this Youtube and portfolio thing really going. But I’ve been overly occupied with shit. I need to motivate myself back into the old shit. And I will soon. Just stay tuned.

]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/11/28/yesterdays-shit/feed/0llcooljayddddeIn a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/10/24/in-a-fickle-eat-a-pickle/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/10/24/in-a-fickle-eat-a-pickle/#respondTue, 24 Oct 2017 00:41:49 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=3172]]>Laugh. It’s this thing I’ve been doing. My nail is broken AGAIN. I cry on the inside. I’m still two seconds away from slapping a bitch. But then I make myself laugh. Real quick. Remember those random phone calls? Every now and again I still get them. I don’t even want to play along anymore. I just laugh and let my eye continue twitching. I know what it is, deep down inside. (Cruella Deville laugh inserted here)

I don’t even know how long it’s been without a cigarette. It’s been months. I think I quit back in April or May? So 5 to 6 months, I have to say is good, after quitting a terrible habit. But I’m good. I am still physically tired as shit. But now I have to carry my dead weight as if the shit doesn’t exist. It hurts but I got shit to do, unfortunately.

Work. I need more! And I mean that shit. “Hit me, baby one more time!” Lol.

Addiction. (heavy sigh) Which one am I really not working on? Because let’s face it, everyone has something they’re addicted to. I’m coming to terms with my issues. It’s only a matter of time before everyone comes into their own. You know, just like how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly or a cucumber into a pickle!? Hehe. Humor me. I’m bored, on a day off, in the freezing fucking cold pits of Hell. Yeah, it’s not always fiery hot in Hell. So I keep writing. I keep my pen and notebook handy. Gee, I sound like Steve. I have a lot of open books that i’m working on too. Just not enough time in a day. The mathematics aren’t always summoned, as I see it. I play with my Maink. Just busy, busy, busy. Have to make more time to make more changes. Because there’s been tons of “changes”. But sometimes, Dyana just can’t get enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I meantEvery word I saidWhen I said that I love youI meant that I’d love you FOREVER!

]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/22/im-gonna-keep-on-loving-you/feed/0llcooljayddddeProtected: Just Come Thruhttps://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/12/just-come-thru/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/12/just-come-thru/#respondTue, 12 Sep 2017 09:28:23 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=3142]]>This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/12/just-come-thru/feed/0llcooljayddddeFlatliners Blog #understandinghttps://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/08/flatliners-blog-understanding/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/08/flatliners-blog-understanding/#respondFri, 08 Sep 2017 05:29:13 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=3068]]>Paper is so long these days.
I really hate tapping on my laptop.
Smartphones end up in failure.
Life is just dead.
When’s it going to happen?
Just saying what’s on my mind.
life. i just don’t get it
ITS CONFUSING #whyareyousocomplicated #itcanbesoeasy #butyouremakingithard
PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING CONFUSING, OR ANNOYANCE #youdumbcunt
BUILT UP ANGER #mymistake #niggadamn
SO MUCH ON MY MIND
Have I just been wasting even more of my time? #aintthissomeshit?
So I was like, No No No, and 2 MONTHS WENT BY! #consequencesBITCH #sweetlillullabys #thingsarechangingaroundheremate
Because I still visualize art with words somehow in a field of drama ANYWAYS
Make it about me, if you want to.Your ratchet ain’t better than my ratchet, OKAY!
Prescriptions. I really don’t think it’s the answer.
Jane. Jannnne. #llcj #llcooljaydddde
I swear. It feels pointless.
But I try to stay focused.
I know I’m working with it hear, and here
Visual on the prize.
Visual on the prize.
Visual on the prize.
Dollar $ign$
>>>>>> But I am not a rapper.

>>>i’m just making some noise

>>with the words i got spitting at you

>and i’m just typing on my device

>with just words

>listen i got a little flow

glow in the dark

i’m yellow

>boom boom

throwing lame bombs

i’m just bored what

else is there to do

but do what it do

where’s my notebook

and a pen

ding

making beats in my head again just words

i think i’m killin IT

like a clown lol

ok i’m done

cut————-

*****Shoutout to my best friend Chubbz, because he better be in the lab making me a beat. And this weather is NO JOk3! So bundle up. Becau$e I’m going to be making it $NOW!

]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/08/flatliners-blog-understanding/feed/0llcooljayddddeProtected: Will She Be Loved?https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/03/she-will-be-loved/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/03/she-will-be-loved/#respondSun, 03 Sep 2017 02:38:37 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=2916]]>This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/09/03/she-will-be-loved/feed/0llcooljayddddeJusticehttps://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/08/07/justice/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/08/07/justice/#respondMon, 07 Aug 2017 06:55:36 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=2691]]>I’m being harassed by multiple people, and yet people are accusing me of being some type of criminal? How does this make sense? Disorderly conduct. What the hell is a Disorderly Conduct? According to the Mirriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of Disorderly Conduct is a petty offense chiefly against public order and decency that falls short of an indictable misdemeanor. Almost every state has a disorderly conduct law making it a crime to be drunk in public, “disturb the peace”, or loiter in certain areas. All three reasons, I am not guilty of this unethical and/or imaginable crime. I may have an aggressive voice when I do talk. But understand, I am usually a quiet person. I do not talk to people on a daily basis. Yes, I interact with people, but the situation and circumstances have always been different. However, I have never gotten physical or caused any injury to another person. I, however, have been kicked, punched, slapped, bruised, sprayed with mace while already being handcuffed, beaten with my own property, to be specific, my shoe, threatened, sexually assaulted (because this was all done by MEN), stabbed, robbed, and then put behind bars because I NEVER CAUSED ANY HARM TO ANOTHER SOUL, HUMAN, PERSON, OR BEING! But I am the criminal? I have been attacked by my parents, my siblings, their significant others, the HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT, the MERIDEN JUDICIAL COURT, the NEW HAVEN JUDICIAL COURT, or Curt B. Leng, Thomas J. Wydra, Lyle Bennett, William Onofrio, John Cappiello, John Sullivan, Paul Scarcella, Mike Cirillo, Michael DePalma, Mark Atwater, Mark Katz, Mark Gery, William May, Thomas Conroy, Craig M. Capone, Greg McLean, and Chaylynne Brooks, just to name a few individually. These people have brought false and incorrect “criminal charges” against me, when I am the victim. Which leads me to my next issue. Resisting Arrest. What the hell is resisting arrest? Well, in some countries, resisting arrest is a criminal charge against an individual who has committed, depending on the jurisdiction, at least one of the following acts: fleeing a police officer while being arrested or threatening a police officer with physical violence while being arrested. So let’s be clear, about this. I was probably speaking loudly, however, I never was angry, nor expressed physical violence towards a single person, human, or being close or near me, and I was brought upon these charges. And why is saying that I’m not willing to be imprisoned, “resisting arrest”? Technically, I am not allowing you people to kidnap me, which by definition is to seize and hold a person unlawfully. The HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT are corporate kidnappers.

Here, is my technical issue. I was arrested for Disorderly Conduct because I was loud while talking. Which means I was arrested for expressing and justifying my First Amendment right, according to the United States Constitution. And these “Judicial systems” are calling me a criminal just because of that?! Feel free to reread that again, if you aren’t understanding me clearly!

So not only are these “corporations” exploiting a photograph of me across the Internet abroad cryptic search engines. Again, let me remind you, “for showing emotion while engaging in conversation”. Which by definition is an informal talk, verbal discussion with someone or a group of people, oral communication. But wait, let’s get back to my Constitutional rights. Because let’s face it, that is apart of the law. Well, what good are the rest of my Amendment rights? I genuinely like the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments, which each contain a due process clause. Which by definition means dealing with the administration of justice and thus the due process clause acts as a safeguard from arbitary denial of life, liberty, or property by the Government outside the sanction of law.

Well, these motherfuckers already got 6 unnecessary months from me. And these mother fuckers had the audacity to put me on probation for 2 years after that. For what? OHHHHH, so you can spy on me and WATCH ME DO NOTHING! What is it that I am really doing? Let me know, what I am doing WRONG, so I can know! And stop myself from doing it right now!? So yes, I said FUCK THAT SHIT and told Craig Capone he can file all the dumb paperwork if he wanted to. Keep wasting your time, because my time is so much more precious. Because while he decided to violate an imaginary probationary period of my already fucked up life, I’ve been here chillen by my moody self, and working at a cheesy department store, writing, and working on a professional portfolio which are based off the exquisite goals and dreams I want to achieve in life. But I can’t because corporations are threatening me, my being, my life, my liberty, and my equal protection of law.

Where are my equal protection of the laws? Don’t I deserve some type of protection from the people who get paid to “protect the community”? How is 3 armed men, beating down an unarmed, 5’8″, 215 lb woman, who is already handcuffed and thrown into a sedan, again, for only speaking, getting community protection? Again, I have the proof of how they decided they wanted to handle the situation. By causing me bodily harm and emotional distress. I have been traumatized by these actions, by these actors, also known as police officers. I do not carry a weapon and I did not make any volatile statements or movements. So why was I manhandled like I said, I would blow up the White House with my bazooka? What has been their excuse? Where were their apologies? By sending me to Meriden Superior Court, where they have NO IDEA what really happened, continue setting up continuous dates to proceed with a case that will never get solved. Which is another forced upon corporation of actors, also known as judges, prosecutors, and public defenders. They want to send me to jail, because I refuse to continue playing this game of intellect. I have committed no crime here. I am the victim in all of this. I have been disrespected, mutilated, abused and taken advantage of. Where is my justice?

Last summer, I was falsely incarcerated because I didn’t want to go to court. I still don’t want to go to court. I don’t have to. If I am showing you that I am not doing anything criminal, why are you still pursuing me as a criminal. Especially when I never did anything criminal to begin with. I do not sell illegal drugs. I do not gamble. I do not commit fraud, unlike the United States government. They want to imprison me for using my natural “God” given rights and this is legal, how? Aren’t you suppose to have all of this physical evidence? Well, here is mine…

This is just a crumb off the cookie that the HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT did to me! There is your physical evidence. And who did I, Jayde, assault? Who did i cause a threat to? These police officers, who are “in character”, carry guns, tasers, and other dangerous weapons, that have proven to MURDER people on site. And luckily I have been gracious enough to avoid those possible outcomes, but this is still not right. This is illegal and I am taking a stand! These are the criminals. And no one is going to shut me up. I’m going to personally and individually do what these criminals are doing to me. They are exploting and slandering my being. I am not a criminal nor a danger to society. I don’t have intent or thoughts to harm any other person. I am in charge of Jayde NOT YOU!!! So suck my high yellow imaginary dick on a blood clot day!

I’m about to drive in the ocean. I’ma try to swim from something bigger than me.
Kick off my shoes. And swim good.

Then I awoke up. I had another dream or premonition. Only this time, I was talking to HIM & HER! We spoke numerous times over the phone. We spoke pleasantly. We spoke with hurt and truth. But we all spoke?! What does this all mean? I can’t remember the entire conversation, but I remember there actually being a conversation. As I woke, I laid there. Not mad, not sad. Confused. Is this really going to happen? Is any of my dreams, going to happen? Why does this man and woman, that I’ve never met seem to interfere with my life? As if, I don’t already have complications already happening… Why can’t I get him from off my mental? Why do I love him, knowing that he’s expressing his feelings to her? JUST WHY? Why me? Why this? Why couldn’t I have stopped him from walking into my life 5 years ago, and prevent this pain? Now I have to deal with it and heartache. I have to deal with constant reminders on a daily basis. I can’t turn on the radio and not let a song remind me about the situation. I hate leaving the house, because of my fear of running into him. I never want to be in a particular part of Connecticut, because I don’t want to chance it, facing my fears. Why me? Why these dreams? Why am I so calm about this? Why do I feel like crying? Why do I want to harm myself? Why do I feel so much more alone? Why do feel that the road is coming to an end? Can I be saved?

]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/can-i-be-saved/feed/0llcooljayddddeProtected: 4:28https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/428/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/428/#respondMon, 17 Jul 2017 21:14:39 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=2594]]>This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.]]>https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/428/feed/0llcooljayddddePhone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/phone-tag-more-premonitions-facts/
https://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/phone-tag-more-premonitions-facts/#respondWed, 12 Jul 2017 23:29:48 +0000http://llcooljaydddde.wordpress.com/?p=2478]]>I do not understand why people like to play phone tag. It’s also uncannily to know that these people are doing this at their place of employment. What’s annoying about this factor is that I have no way of proving this, because I am all the way in fucking New Haven, doing what I am supposed to be doing. You know, minding my own business! While this “anonymous” person is in the jungles of Bumafucktown having an interesting day playing behind mobile devices. *inserts heavy eye roll* Yessssssssss, for the millionth frickin time! I shit you not! Every single day, there is a brand new telephone number. I mean, at least, it’s not being blocked anymore. I give HIM or HER some credit! But I’m not a retard. When I call back, all of a sudden the number is no longer in service, or I get continuous random text messages that just make no kind of sense. I don’t know what the fuck is this man’s and his woman’s issue with me, but this shit has to LITERALLY FUCKING STOP! I can not take the fuckery any longer. Now, I know that I have other ordeals going on in my life and I’m not ruling those factors out either. But if that were the case, those PIGS already have my ADDRESS! Pick me up motherfuckers. Come handle your motherfucking “BUSINESS” punks! They won’t. But for the millionth, God loving motherfucking time, I Am Not With Stupid <——. Do not let one night of foolishness, confuse the shit balls out of yourself! I am not naive or immature. “PUSH ME TO THE EDGE! All my friends are dead!” =P You people are not for me just as much as I am not for you.

November 2016 – RELEASED! …From all that was hell and misery. I left ALL OF YOU behind! I left all of you IN THERE! I didn’t call or reach out to ANY OF YOU afterwards! I no longer CARED! I stopped. And guess what? I was FINE! GREAT! BETTER! I no longer CARED! But I had obligations and a new commitment to and for myself. I was doing FINE. I was doing OK. I was doing what I was supposed to do! I was giving myself back to me. I was tired of the crying and hurt. I didn’t want it anymore. So I stayed the fuck away!*in my Wyclef Jean voice* January, February, March, April, May… I turned another year older, but I was drama and random phone call free. I ended up back on the streets again, but that was my own decision. I lost out on occupations and money, because this country thinks it should control me. It’s funny, how after I got HIS out of nowhere texts and we had, what I thought, was our FINAL phone call back in April. Shortly after, I began receiving the random/spur of the moment text messages and phone calls. But I haven’t made one complaint. I mention it then dismiss it. I’m not really angry anymore. Because I am aware of the people that I have to deal with. My only issue with this situation is, that EVERYONE has had the audacity to say that I am the craziest, stupidest, weirdest, and most dysfunctional human being on all of the planet Earth. Okay?! What is it that I have to prove to you people? Do I have to Wendy Williams my life for you? I need to show you receipts? I didn’t know I needed a tax off on my own life… But if proof is what the people need, then here is some:

Was the thirst not clarified? Let’s discuss how the universe is continuously bringing this man and/or woman into my life. Having these premonitions/dreams. And then more incoming phone calls and text messages. I swear to God and my dead father, I am no longer into someone who could never show me to my face that he really did give a fuck about me. I don’t care about someone who posts pictures with a woman he has either no romantic feelings for, and/or doesn’t really want to be with. I no longer have no interest in catering to someone who couldn’t cater to me. I have no interest in someone who has to lie to three people; her, his child, and himself. I have no interest in someone who has to continuously stalk me on social media to see what is going on in my life. Not that I care. Because I don’t care about you, at all. But for some dumb fucking reason, the universe wants me to. He is always in my dreams, to the point that I no longer want to go to sleep. To the point, that I find myself randomly feeling him next to me. Or I that I find myself going to the mall to test out his cologne. Literally.

How does one song just comprehend my struggles? I move on, but I can’t let it completely go, because it is continuously happening. Why does my past control my future? Why is everyone trying to keep me as a stagnant and miserable person? Was I more interesting that way or something? Was she easier to control? Because I don’t remember it being that way. But still I try to proceed with my progress to prosper out of the shadows of death. The weak will never understand the depths of my strength. Don’t say that you weren’t warned!