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January 31, 2014

Anyway, have you heard
about that game J-Stars
Victory Vs.? I’m guessing that
if you’re reading this blog, you have a faint idea of what that is; for the
uninitiated, here’s a primer. Characters
from the much-adored/ballyhooed Shonen
Jump, a premiere Japanese comic collection, come together to fight it out
in 3D arenas via 3-on-3 tag battles. So
you can have famous heavy hitters like Goku, Naruto, and Luffy on one side
going up against new blood and/or old friends like Joseph Joestar, Medaka, and
Kenshin. I’m hoping that the game makes
it over to the U.S. -- and, you know, is good -- because with the semi-recent
announcement that MAH BOI Tsuna is in the game, my body is slowly but surely
becoming ready.

But you know who I
really want in the game? Ichiko from Binbougami Ga!. It makes perfect sense; people have
complained that there’s a dearth of female characters in the game, so she could
fill it easily. She’s got more than
enough inspiration for some special moves, so she could translate into the
combat space pretty easily. She’s got
MORE than enough personality, so her moves could either be ridiculously
over-the-top, or outright comedic (think Faust from Guilty Gear). Or if nothing
else, putting her in the game would certainly put a smile on my face.

Why? Probably because for one reason or another, I
really friggin’ like her anime of origin.
And by extension, probably because I think she’s one of the best Jump characters to pop up in a while -- because there's a lot any given writer can learn from her.

January 29, 2014

Anyone up for a little
story? And by “story” I mean
tangentially discussing the mechanics of a story? Well, you’re in luck. If you ever wanted to know what kind of strange
tales I’ve dreamed up -- without having to suffer through a million billion
words first -- then this new feature is just for you. So let’s get things started, shall we?

Let’s begin with the
basics. I’ve mentioned in the past that
my process for coming up with stories starts with what sort of superpowers I
can work with. That’s something that holds
true to this day, if you can believe that; setting aside the fact that it can
give a character a unique flair and skill set, there’s plenty of thematic merit
and motif-making that can be done using superpowers as a basis. It’s what separates Superman from, say, Batman. Supes is often considered a god among men, so
his stories reflect that; conversely, a lot of people tend to appreciate Bats
because underneath his resources and skills, he’s a very fragile (and
emotionally-disturbed) person. That’s a
hyper-condensed discussion of them, I know, but the point still stands. Superpowers can make for a pretty good
starting point when it comes to stories.

With that in mind, one
day I asked myself a question: what can I do with ghost powers?

January 27, 2014

A while back, I was on
The Escapist sifting through the forums -- something I don’t do all that often,
unless there’s an interesting topic listed on the front page. But as internet-surfing tends to go, one
thing led to another, and after a while somebody asked an interesting question:
“If Alyx Vance had big breasts, would she be a worse character?” I don’t know Half-Life well enough to comment, but I’ve heard of her before
(semi-extensively, because she’s a top-tier female character). And I know that her abject non-sexualization
is part of her appeal. “She’s wearing
clothes! She doesn’t have big
boobs! She’s not just eye candy!” And so on.

But would making her
improbably buxom automatically hurt her appeal?
Her credibility? Well, yes and
no. “Yes” in the sense that a bust boost
threatens to head into seedy territory, and could
be exploited. “No” in the sense that
just because a character is busty doesn’t make them a bad character. (See: Lulu, Cortana, Juliet Starling,
Bayonetta, Elizabeth Comstock, several Mass
Effect characters, several Dragon Age
characters, at least one character per Tales
game, and virtually every female character in the Devil Survivor games.) If a
character only exists to be objectified, that’s a problem. If a colossal chest -- for a variable
definition of “colossal” -- is used to make a character visually distinct, and
as a trait of a character than a defining characteristic, then it makes for
more stable ground.

January 24, 2014

I’ve mentioned several
times in the past that I have some major respect for what you’d might call
“kid’s stuff”. And with good reason --
they are, almost by nature, the perfect sources for imagination, good spirits,
and charm. But they can also be sources
of insight, thematic merit, and depth.
I’d like to think that in light of shows like Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, and either Avatar series, the game has officially leveled up. And I’m happy for it…even if I only show my
support as a spiteful reaction to the brown and gray wastelands of modern
gaming.

But for a while now,
I’ve had a bit of an opportunity of sorts.
I’ve always believed that one should never underestimate the power of
basic cable, as it’s the place where Everybody
Loves Raymond once ruled the roost (for a given definition of “ruled” or
“roost”…or “the”). So one night I was
flipping through channels, and I just so happened to spot something called Archie’s Weird Mysteries on a dedicated
children’s network. And I watched
it. And as the days passed, I watched
more of it -- and more, and more, and more, because hey, I could have something
in the background playing while putting together some of the more tedious
aspects of Cross-Up. And I thought to
myself, “You know, maybe I should do a post on this show. It’d be fun -- like a gag post or something.”

How funny you find this
post depends on how much you agree with my interpretations. Because the way things are looking, I’m about
ready to declare the cartoon one of the blackest of black comedies ever
created…at best. At its worst? It’s
downright horrifying.

January 22, 2014

Because I’m sure no
one’s ever asked that question. Except
for, you know, thousands of people prior to this post. And I’m pretty sure that’s been the premise
of several dozen TV show episodes, movies, and likely a few video games,
paradoxical as that sounds.

In the interest of
preparing new stuff for Cross-Up -- including a post this Friday that you’ll never see coming, whoa ho! -- there happened to be a
promo for a
what’s-old-is-new-again show, Where
on Earth is Carmen Sandiego? The
central question? Pretty much the same
as this post’s title. Apparently, in the
context of that show everything takes place in some kind of virtual reality,
which would probably explain why the game/show keeps finding ways to let Carmen
escape danger unscathed -- no Carmen = no show.

Hmmm. Villains carrying a story. That could make for a good post one day. But let’s focus on this one for now.

January 17, 2014

Title says it all,
folks. It’s about time for me to bring
this hiatus to an end -- and rest assured I will. I’m going to go ahead and shoot for uploading
new content on Monday (and hopefully things will show up as planned), but it should go without saying that I’ve got more in
store than just more ridiculous -- and ridiculously long -- posts. I’m hoping I can have everything I want
implemented by then, but if not, they’ll just have to trickle in later. I can already think of one big thing in
particular that needs a bit more time, but if it’s words you want, it’s words
you’ll get.

And there you have
it. An announcement of…well, it’s not
quite an announcement, but it’s eerily close to what the video game industry’s
been doing for a while. So to compensate,
please enjoy that picture of a yeti.
Because yetis are awesome.

January 10, 2014

(Cross-Up is still on hiatus, but don't worry -- it'll be back before the end of the month, maybe! In the meantime, have one more irreverent and overzealous post on a certain magical video game! Because that's what you're here for, right? Not the sauerkraut jokes?)

If for some silly
reason you’re just joining me here for this FFXIII
miniseries (here’s
part 1, and here’s
part 2), let me give you another primer.
The thrust of my argument is that Lightning Farron, lead character of
this so-called Lightning Saga and Square-Enix’s current golden girl, is
actually the villain of her games…and as of the last post, you can add “insane”
to her name. If only by accident -- or
sheer writing incompetence, if you prefer.

I’d like to think that
this trend is going to continue, and get even worse, with Lightning Returns. It’s easy
to shrug off the game as having a garbage story and just enjoying the gameplay
-- but that really is a disservice to everyone involved. If a game is going to tell a story,
especially if it’s part of a genre half-built on telling stories, then the
quality of the game CAN’T be divorced from the quality of its story. The technique has to be judged, as do its
particulars; ideas, themes, and especially characters have to be taken in
wholesale. And that includes the sequel
nobody begged for…to another sequel
nobody begged for.

It’s hard to get a full
understanding of the story without playing all of Lightning Returns, but with the release date lurching ever closer
(God help us all), I think there are just
enough details for me to make a few claims.
Obviously, all of this is going to be up for interpretation, so feel
free to disagree with me. I’ll welcome dissent,
even if I don’t exactly have a good counterargument. One man’s villain is another man’s hero,
after all.

So let’s get
started. But before I begin, let’s step
back for a moment. A long moment.

Spoilers for FFXIII and XIII-2 -- and
potentially Lightning Returns -- incoming. I would probably not even read this post if I
was you. Or…you know, if I was smart.

January 3, 2014

(Cross-Up is still on hiatus, because who needs posts on video games when you can enjoy the holidays? In the meantime, please enjoy this post on a video game!)

And here we are again.

If you’re just joining
me here for this little miniseries (and here’s
part 1 if you missed it), let me give you a primer. In lieu of current -- and in my eyes
overwhelming -- evidence, I’m convinced that Square Enix’s beloved Lightning
Farron is more than what she appears to be on the surface. Whether you’re convinced she’s a strong, cool
heroine or a bland marketing tool, I have my own theory in mind. Simply put, I think this so-called “Lightning
Saga” of Final Fantasy XIII games
earned its name because the titular lady is actually the villain. Or if not that, then at least a villain.

It should go without
saying, but die-hard fans of Lightning/FFXIII
MIGHT want to stay away from this post.
It’ll keep your blood pressure at a stable level.

(Spoilers for FFXIII and XIII-2
incoming…and also Metal Gear Rising,
tangentially. I would run now if I were
you, especially if you want to see the games fresh. Especially MGR. Because it’s so
friggin’ cool.)