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A wedding that looks like you

You’re going to hear a lot of this from me. If we all have just one chord to play, this is one of the most important notes for me: You and your partner deserve to have a wedding that looks just like you and your relationship. The closer you come to planning and living into a ceremony and a planning process that is comfortable and reflective of who you are, the happier you will be. Not only during the planning process. Not only on your wedding day. But for the rest of your lives.

What makes a wedding magical is not simply atmosphere. What really does it is when it perfectly matches the way you live your lives. If you’re casual people, more comfortable in boots and backpack, a formal sit down wedding for 800 isn’t really going to represent who you are. Sure it’s a ceremonial marker. But an outdoor wedding in a beautiful place could easily be ceremonial AND reflective of you. And if you are a more formal person, if you love setting a beautiful table and making sure that the wine fits the foods and the napkins complement the flowers, you’ll want to establish an intimate, formal wedding. And that will be magical because it will be just like you.

As I was writing this, I was laughing, thinking about my college graduation picture. It’s a black and white… remember them, back when they were the norm, not art shots? I’m in a granny dress, yes, more carbon dating, seated in a bower of flowers. News flash. I was never a hippie. I was always too perky. Although I loved this dress – my mom made it for me, I was much more a jeans and shirt kinda girl. I was just waiting to become a “Native New Yorker.” (anyone who knows what I’m talking about should be reading my Middle-Aged Bride series!) It’s a sweet photo. But although I wore that dress, I wasn’t that person. I was never sweet and girlish. I was always edgy. I’m sorry I didn’t dare to be who I was in that photo.

I’m not making that mistake in my wedding. We’re having a huge one. Steve and I are both visible in large communities. We both love ritual and performance. We both love being on stage. An intimate family wedding would lead us both thirsting for more. But that’s because that’s who we are. Very few people are who we are. Very few people would feel at home in crowds that large.

And that’s perfect! Because your wedding should reflect the two of you. Throw away those silly magazines, or use them for what they’re good for: ideas about making your wedding exactly right for you — not exactly what is in style.

Get clear who you are as individuals and as a couple before you get on the planning merry-go-round. If you’re having a hard time getting clear, poke around in my shop, there maybe something that will help you figure things out. But aim for a wedding that represents the best and the sweetest of who you are and then have it and be happy!