COLUMN : crank up the volume | mute the haters – listen to your own voice

how many times have we been through this – we get an idea, we love the idea, we tell the people around us, and we get shot down brutally.

being told that it’s never going to work, that’s it’s a bad idea, that we don’t have the skills / money / time / connections / courage to do it.

that we should forget about it. be happy with what we have. appreciate our lives as is. our positivity met with the loudest negativity. and all of our energy and enthusiasm just seeps out of us and trickles down the drain. gone.

i got tired of this phenomenon ages ago. so i decided to put the negative commentators on mute, and trust my own gut, my own voice, my own mind instead. i crank up the volume of my own courage. and shut off the rest.

because otherwise – we’re not going anywhere.

i have decided that my life is going to be just that – mine. and i’m going for it, trying to build it into something that i’m excited about. but you know how it is, the more energy and enthusiasm you have, the more people are going to try to bring you down. it’s strange how we think that keeping someone down will make us feel better about our own lives. like as long as we’ve all given up, it’s ok.

it’s all about getting skilled in differentiating good advice and care, from envy and putting someone down.

luckily, once you start to notice the energy-eaters, they’re kind of easy to ignore. to shut off, to mute.
as long as the volume of your own mind is high enough – their opinions and pessimism will simply become background noise.

so you go ahead and sing your heart out. and surround yourself with other singers. there are plenty of them out there.

i’ve probably been the one doing the pessimistic putting down from time to time too in my life. i never want to do that to another person – or to myself – ever again.
the most helpful way to deal with envy i’ve found, is to turn it into inspiration. read more about getting over envy here.

13 Comments

What really helped me is to remind myself that those who are talking down my dreams, often care about me and are afraid that I’ll get hurt if it doesn’t work out. It’s made it easier to love them and still not pay any attention to their “advice” :-)

I remember reading Mariah Carey talking about all those who discouraged her, or told her she wouldn’t make it in the business, but she didn’t listen to any of them. All the jealous, envious people were only able to inspire her to write a hit song, “hero.” And look where she is today: A great success, two beautiful children, and engaged to someone who is actually richer than her!!!
I think it’s always great to listen to advice, even criticism, but if you have dreams/ goals, don’t let anything, or anyone keep you from trying to achieve them.
<3

First, I am sorry not to have written before about how much I have been enjoying what you offer.

You seem to me to represent a delightful blend of joy, lightness and a deeply thoughtful and generous approach to life.
This has been so helpful to me in putting together my own thinking right now. I can’t say how much, you have touched me so deeply, because you present things lightly. So thank you, lovely jenny mustard and david.

Anyhow…

I am so sorry to hear that you have been on the receiving end of meanness and envy and feel hurt myself just hearing that you have. I guess it’s people in despair at ever being anywhere close to what you portray. Certainly protect yourself and your dreams from them.

I’d like to be able to reach out to the haters somehow and offer some hope. I remember that I have felt alone & hopeless too.
I felt like a snarl was all I had to offer and hated myself for having so little to give when deep down I wanted to give so much.

Lovely post, Jenny. So well written! And I totally get what you’re saying about how as long as we’ve all given up, it’s ok. We humans seem to work that way, I thinks it’s called the “crab mentality” – if I can’t have it, neither can you. We have to ignore those people and follow our own hearts as cheesy as it sounds. xx

Oh I needed that post. I was in this kind of situation very recently. I have a plan, and I’m excited about it. Only thinking of it makes me smile and deep down I know I can achieve it. But there are times, and it happened about a week ago, that people tell me that it is not going to work out, that it’s too hard for me, I don’t have the skills and in general I’m not there yet to accomplish what I’ve set my mind to. I immediately got down and started doubting myself. I need to mute it, you’re right. When just a thought of my dream makes me happy why should I listen to them and make it get to me. No way!
Thank you Jenny for that post, it got me back on the right track!

Great post Jenny!
“i have decided that my life is going to be just that – mine.” This speaks to me so much! I’m still working on making my life- mine. I congratulate you on your courage to decide and stick with this. I hope I’ll get there soon, too. You are seriously inspiring, keep up the good work!