When your stiff-as-a-concrete-erection acting skills in Valentine’s Day made Taylor Lautner look like an organic human creature who is capable of producing natural emotions in front of a camera, you should quit the acting shit while you’re not ahead and stick to what you’re good at: goat yodeling, bearding and training hos to look really surprised at their own surprise parties. Taylor Swift isn’t taking my advice, because Variety (via HuffPo) is hearing that she’s talking to the producers of Girls Like Us to play Joni Mitchell in the movie. Yeah, so now you know why you saw Joni Mitchell at the coffin store asking the salesperson which one is best for rolling in.

Girls Like Us is based on a book by the same name is about Joni Mitchell, Carole King and Carly Simon in the 60s through the 70s. The producers at looking at Alison Pill as a possibility to play Carole King. CDAN said a couple of months ago that Taylor was going to play Joni, but Variety says this is only an idea and the producers haven’t passed her a contract to sign yet. That means there’s still time to stop this disaster from happening! It’s not too late. I’ve looked at this from both sides now and both sides are screaming out NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

First, there’s a rumor that RiRi’s going to play Whitney Houston and now this shit is stabbing us in the soul? What’s next? Miley Cyrus as Karen Carpenter? Whores are all about holograms right now, so why don’t they just create a hologram of a young Joni Mitchell and make it play a young Joni Mitchell. Or hell, get Hologram Tupac to play Joni Mitchell, because I’d rather see that than listen to Taylor Swift warble out “A Case You.”

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