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Guest Post #2

My good friend, Siobhan, asked me if I would write something
for her on the issue of mental health, and my own perceptions on it. My first reaction was "hell, what do I
know about mental health?".

But when I thought about it, I realised that Siobhan herself
had battled her own personal war with mental health issues, and came out the
other side of it. So I knew how it had
affected her and her family. And it
suddenly dawned on me that I had fought my own demons in the past, and I too
came out the far side. so much so that I
had forgotten that I had even gone through it when Siobhan mentioned the
possibility of me writing something for her.

When people hear about mental health issues, usually the
first thing that comes to mind is the obvious.
Brain damage or brain malfunction of some kind that affects the
cognitive ability of the person concerned.
It seldom occurs to someone that one of the most debilitating mental
conditions is depression!

Depression as an illness, unfortunately, still carries a
huge stigma in society. How often have
you heard someone say to a person who is depressed "Pull yourself
together. Things could be
worse." However, if you could
"pull yourself together", you wouldn't have a problem, would
you? If you could "pull yourself together",
you wouldn't be suffering from depression.
You'd just be having a bad day.
And we all have them! Always be
thankful that when you're having a bad day, you can make a conscious decision
to "pull yourself together", and move on.

So why, you might ask, am I putting so much emphasis on that
little phrase? "Pull yourself together". It's quite simple. For many years, I couldn't "pull myself
together". Yet, during that time,
it was all I ever heard. "Pull
yourself together". It became three
little words that I learned to detest. It
was almost two years and an attempted suicide, before a doctor finally agreed
that there was an issue to be dealt with.
What was the answer? Pills. More pills and counselling. The pills were supposed to make me feel better. But in 1997, it was still trial and error
when it came to prescribing the right pill for a person. Basically, you were put on a pill, the
effects of which would take about six weeks to kick in. And then it was another three weeks before
they could tell if they were working. If
they did, great! If they didn't, back to
the drawing board and start the procedure all over again. And as for the counselling. That was a complete joke. The counselling was
supposed to establish what was causing the depression in the first place, and
find a way to deal with it. I already
knew what was causing my depression. I
just couldn't figure out a way to deal with it.
So presumably, the counsellor would help me to deal with the issues
causing my depression.

No! I went to one
counselling session. Now, I'm the type
of person who gives everyone a chance to prove themselves, and I went to that
counselling session with no preconceived ideas of how it would go. Bearing in mind, that my doctor had written
to the counsellor beforehand, outlining my condition, and the causes behind why
I was feeling the way I did, the counsellor should have had a pretty good idea
of how I would present, and the symptoms I was displaying. What did the counsellor do? He spent an hour trying to convince me that
the reason that I was depressed was because my parents had abused me as a
child. Now, I don't know much, but what
I do know is that I had two parents who both loved me and my brothers dearly,
and such an allegation by this muppet with a degree was not going to be
entertained by me! So I came away from
that one session, even more depressed than when I went in. Had I not been as ill as I was, it might have
occurred to me to take his name and report him to his governing body.

However, when you're in that state of depression, logical
thought does not flow freely. My
suicidal episode just shows clearly that when a person gets to that stage, any
form of logical thought goes out the window.
My biggest fear is to die in a fire.
Yet, when I decided to end it all, I decided that I was going to do it
by throwing a gallon of petrol over myself and just setting it alight. I was found sitting in my garage, with the
full can of petrol beside me, having my last cigarette, before carrying out the
deed. Now, why would anyone choose such
a way to exit this world, especially when it's you're biggest fear, if you were
thinking rationally?

For that reason, if you hear about someone committing
suicide, and nowadays, most of us know someone who has, don't condemn them for
taking an easy way out. When a person
gets to that stage, they are not thinking rationally. It's like something else takes over, almost
as if the brain goes into autopilot, and it just seems like a good idea at the
time.

So all this may seem like a bit of a waffle. But I think people need to hear what it's
like from someone who has been there. I
don't care how many degrees a doctor, counsellor, or psychiatrist may have, if
they haven't suffered with depression, they cannot understand what it feels
like, or how debilitating a condition it is.

You can't properly describe it to a person who has never had
it. It's like having a permanent cloud hanging over you. Imagine the feeling you have when you lose a
loved one. Then imagine that feeling ten
times worse. If you can imagine that,
you might have just the slightest idea of what depression is. Now imagine what it's like to live with that
feeling every day of your life, without seeing the possibility of relief. That is what depression is like.

But the worst part of it is that you don't look ill. You don't have a rash. You don't have your arm in a sling. You're not laid up in bed with a fever. So, on the face of it, to the rest of the
world, you're ok. There are no physical symptoms. And you put on a brave face to the world. The
only people who know there is anything wrong are your close family
members. And they only know because they
are the ones on the receiving end of your mood swings. You don't want anyone else to know. Because you don't want anyone else to think
you're "crazy", or "mad".
Yeah, two more labels that are attached to those suffering with
depression.

Unfortunately, depression is becoming more and more
prevalent in today's society. And more
prevalent in young people. The cause of
most depression in young people is down to the schoolyard bully. Bullying is something I get really mad
about. If there were no bullies, there
would be far fewer cases of teenage depression and teenage suicide. The sooner they make bullying amongst
teenagers a serious criminal offence, the better. And there are still too many schools and too
many teachers who do not take it seriously enough. In many schools, a student is likely to be
punished more severely for not handing in an assignment, than for bullying a
fellow student. And all too often, the
victim of bullying is treated worse than the perpetrators.

But
for all of you who do suffer from depression, regardless of age, race or creed,
the title of Siobhan's blog says it all.
"There's always light at the end of the tunnel". There
is always light at the end of the tunnel!
You may have to search for it, but it's there. If you suffer with depression, don't let
yourself be labelled! Seek medical
advice. You can confide in your
doctor. But what I found to be much
better than any doctor or medication, is to lean on your friends through the
tough times. A good friend, that you can
have a laugh with once in a while is better than any medicine any doctor can prescribe. I know, because I'm speaking from
experience. When I was suffering in the
deepest depths of depression, the one thing I couldn't do was laugh and have
fun. When I started to deliberately put
myself in situations where I had to portray good humour, I started to feel
better in myself, and about myself. You
may have heard the saying that "laughter is the best medicine". In the case of depression, this is certainly
true. It will take time, and you may
have to force yourself occasionally, but the best and quickest way out of
depression is to lean on your good friends, talk about any issues that are
bothering you and most of all, find at least one reason to have a good laugh
every day. It's no coincidence that most
of the really good comedians are manic depressives. And comedy is usually they're medicine.

So remember, depression does not need to be the end of the
world. You can turn it into the start
of a new chapter in your life, which is
what happened with me. I got myself out
of a depressing and humiliating situation, and went through my own hell doing
it, but found myself in a new and fulfilling relationship, with someone who
knows and understands what I went through and supported me when I came out the
other side of it. And I'm happier now
than I ever have been before. If I can
do it, anyone can. As I said, find a reason to laugh every day, and find
something to be happy about every day.
Before you know it, you too will forget what it is to be depressed!