Conservative Daily News » birth certificatehttp://www.conservativedailynews.com
The best conservative political news, analysis and opinion articles written by a collection of citizen journalists. Covering a range of important topics in blogs, op-ed, and news posts, these upstanding patriots are bringing back American exceptionalism with every entry..Sat, 28 Mar 2015 13:35:43 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1Big Bird calls bullcrap on Michelle Obamahttp://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/10/big-bird-calls-bullcrap-on-michelle-obama/
http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/10/big-bird-calls-bullcrap-on-michelle-obama/#commentsFri, 05 Oct 2012 16:29:15 +0000http://www.conservativedailynews.com/?p=69204Now this is the Big Bird episode I could watch over and over!

Is this the news that is going to be reported by Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio at a News Conference scheduled for July 17?

]]>http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/07/arpaio-team-finds-the-man-who-forged-obama-birth-certificate/feed/2Why obama Can’t Quit Maherhttp://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/05/why-obama-cant-quit-maher/
http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/05/why-obama-cant-quit-maher/#commentsWed, 30 May 2012 20:23:25 +0000http://www.conservativedailynews.com/?p=55252Yahoo! News, that proud, card-carrying member of the “progressive” Party Pravda, is on the attack again. What else should be expected from a website that looks like it’s part of the obama re-election campaign? They’re resurrecting the birth certificate issue and attempting to tie it to Mitt Romney. In an article published May 30, 2012, Amy Walter, David Chalian, Rick Klein, Richard Coolidge & Sherisse Pham pronounce: “Trump is still embracing “birther” theories, saying that President Obama was not born in the United States, despite the fact that the Obama administration has clearly proven he was.” The attack continues: “Team Romney thinks that even now — with the primary battle in the rear view mirror — there is a danger in alienating someone like Donald Trump — the campaign doesn’t know what he might do on the outside, and it does not know what people who agree with Trump might do with their support.” A view of the accompanying video shows their smug faces displaying pleasure in and relish for the attack. Like hyenas at first blood on downed prey.

Never mind that twelve days prior to this latest Yahoo News hit piece, Ben Shapiro of Breitbart’s Big Government discovered that: “the official website for Dystel & Goderich, Obama’s literary agents – was using the Barack Obama “born in Kenya” language until April 2007, just two months after then-Senator Obama declared his campaign for the presidency.”

On that same day Joel Pollack, also of Breitbart’s Big Government, revealed the existence of a pamphlet stating: “Barack Obama, the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review, was born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii. The son of an American anthropologist and a Kenyan finance minister, he attended Columbia University and worked as a financial journalist and editor for Business International Corporation. He served as project coordinator in Harlem for the New York Public Interest Research Group, and was Executive Director of the Developing Communities Project in Chicago’s South Side. His commitment to social and racial issues will be evident in his first book, Journeys in Black and White.”

The existence of this pamphlet reveals why people like Donald Trump still question the place of obama’s birth.

So the smug, “holier than thou” attitude openly displayed by Walter, Chalian, Klein, Coolidge & Pham in their attack on Trump for simply answering questions about the “birther” issue posed to him by members of the “progressive” Party Pravda is entirely misplaced. Trump simply used his influence and the power of his prestige to pressure obama into showing some proof of birth. Why this was and is such a monumental hurdle for the “most transparent administration” in the history of the Milky Way Galaxy to overcome raises more questions. If there is nothing for obama to hide, why is money being spent to fight revealing said records? Especially when that money could be directed to his re-election campaign? Is obama hiding his college records because they’ll reveal that he enrolled in multiple academic institutions as a foreign exchange student? Again, for the “most transparent administration” since the Big Bang, a simple request to reveal college records is more difficult a climb than Mount Everest?

For Walter, Chalian, et al to express such disdain for Romney’s candidacy because he wants to avoid alienating Trump’s supporters (their assessment) reveals the hollowness of the entire misguided attack.

Wanting to avoid alienating voters is exactly why obama refuses to distance himself from the likes of Bill Maher, whose indefensible, pathologically misogynistic attacks on Conservative women go beyond the pale. obama’s afraid to alienate Maher’s viewers, just as he’s afraid to alienate other members of his extreme, fringe leftist base. Without a mass turnout of his “tax the rich” “government’s job is to take care of us” “occupy whatever” supporters, obama cannot win in November and he knows it. So do his whimpering, obedient suck-ups in the “progressive” Party Pravda.

I have a dilemma I think you and your staff at ACORN or SEIU could help me resolve. I have a prospective brand new Democrat voter, but I am not quite sure about how to get this prospective voter registered due to some issues that are rather complex. I know you and your organizations specialize in overcoming the illegal and immoral rules designed by Republicans to keep the less fortunate out of the voting process so I appeal to you for help.

I know this one would be a loyal supporter you could count on to always stand with you when those evil Republicans try to force the less fortunate to suffer with less than they deserve to have. The candidate is female, which fits right in to charges of discrimination based on sex should that tactic be necessary. She is of mixed heritage, which fills another demographic important to your re-election. This fact can add another dagger to the hearts of Republican objections if needed. She will never go against the concept of handouts as she now lives her entire life depending on others to provide everything for her.

She has no way of providing for herself and isn’t likely to find a way any time soon. She isn’t disabled or anything but that is no reason she shouldn’t be cared for. It is simply a matter that she hasn’t been afforded the benefits life has to offer the more fortunate. My wife and I took her in off the street when she was homeless, helpless, and hopeless. We know of your compassion for the downtrodden and believe you will be more able than many to understand our desire to help her find herself and provide her with the life she deserves to have.

You don’t have to worry about her messing up the unemployment figures because you can count on her not going out and looking for a job, thereby unjustly jacking up the unemployment rates to make you look bad at election time. She will also never embarrass you by speaking in public and sounding like a moron. She is content to be in the shadows, being supported quietly with money that she deserves from those rich people who are currently not paying their fair share of taxes.

She has a very good heart, is kind, loving, and a joy to be around… well, most of the time (she is female though, and since you are married, I am sure you understand). She spends her days watching television mostly. She does clean up after herself some, but doesn’t really make much of a mess so it is acceptable that she does not do a lot.

My dilemma is multi level. First, I have no documentation as to the legal residency status of my house guest. I can’t prove where she was born, and am afraid to try to explain how she came to be living in our house, or even her exact age, though she is a young adult. She has been here almost 3 years now, and it is time for me to try to get her integrated into the political process, or at least for her to be able to enjoy the benefits of living in America. She doesn’t understand anything about the voting process, but I can tell her how to vote and I believe she will go along with my recommendations.

I can’t take her to get a state issued identification card as that might cause undue danger to her residency status and I can’t take that chance. Although voting is a right, we both might wind up losing more than a right to vote if I try to do things through the state agencies, especially those in Oklahoma, as they are staffed by Republicans.

What I need is a birth certified certificate that shows she was indeed born in the United States. She also needs a social security card for identification purposes. You don’t have to worry about her divulging where she got said documents because she doesn’t speak any English at all. We communicate by a lot of pointing and nodding. She is so fearful of leaving our house that she just stays inside all day long. Our home is apparently the only safe haven she has ever known.

I know you have sources that can get both a birth certificate and a social security card for her, which will enable her to register to vote. I doubt there will ever be any concern about the authenticity of said documents because she will keep a very low profile and no one will even know she exists other than me, my wife, you, and whoever you share this information with. I can get the registration forms from the local election board office and get them signed. I offer you my thanks, as I know you will do everything in your immense power to help get this situation resolved and see an end to an injustice being done to a future supporter of the Democrat Party.

I am doing all I can to help my house guest help you with your re-election- will you help my friend help you also?

]]>http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/02/mr-obama-will-you-help-this-99er/feed/0Birther Talkhttp://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/02/birther-talk-1/
http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/02/birther-talk-1/#commentsThu, 02 Feb 2012 03:39:57 +0000http://conservativedailynews.com/?p=37652
]]>http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2012/02/birther-talk-1/feed/0John Dummett and Liberty Legal vs. “Conservative” Media and Politicianshttp://www.conservativedailynews.com/2011/10/john-dummett-and-liberty-legal-vs-conservative-media-and-politicians/
http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2011/10/john-dummett-and-liberty-legal-vs-conservative-media-and-politicians/#commentsSun, 30 Oct 2011 00:43:49 +0000http://conservativedailynews.com/?p=25100World Net Daily has just published a story involving John Albert Dummett and his quest to have Barack Obama declared ineligible to serve as President of the United States of America. The suit centers around the “natural born citizen” status requirement as stated in the Constitution, the Naturalization Act of 1790, and an 1875 Supreme Court decision, Minor vs. Happersett (88 US 162). This link will take you to the story for all of the details:.

John has teamed up with the Liberty Legal Foundation in this effort to remove what I see as one of the most insidious attempts to subvert the Constitution in this nation’s 235 year history. The article points out that John has been given standing to sue by the 9th Circuit Court, the most liberal in the nation. If that bastion of liberal thinking agrees with John there must be something to the case. Where there is smoke there is fire and this fire is hot.

It has long been known that Obama is not eligible but was certified by Nancy Pelosi and other federal and state officials in what this writer sees as a totally unlawful and treasonous disregard for the Constitution of the United States of America and We the People. The long form birth certificate issued by the White House is such a poor forgery that I can see it and I am not a computer forensics expert.

If the title of this article surprises you I can explain. I expect the Democrats, especially the far left like Obama, Pelosi, and their ilk, along with the lame stream media, to ridicule and criticize this action. That can be expected by anyone with ability to reason. However, it is surprising to me how many “conservative” politicians and pundits dismiss this case, and those cases leading up to this one as nonsense.

I was listening to the Neal Boortz radio show this morning and heard sit-in host Eric Erickson ridiculing anyone who agreed with the ineligibility position and calling us all “nut cases”. He went on a long diatribe describing “native born citizen” and attributed the parameters he stated to “natural born citizen”. There is a great deal of confusion about this although I don’t know why. I don’t have a college education and I understand the parameters just fine.

Other “conservative” media pundits, including Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity, have dismissed the “birther” stand as nonsense also. Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala), a 15 year member of the United States Senate, also dismissed the eligibility question stating that the State Department said Obama was eligible and the Constitution has nothing to do with eligibility to run for president. HUH??? Apparently Sen. Sessions, in addition to not reading legislation passing his way, has also not read or does not understand the Constitution he swore an oath to uphold and defend. That problem seems to be rampant in both parties in Washington.

My question is: Why do they dismiss this so off-handedly? I can’t begin to imagine how so many “conservative” pundits and politicians can dismiss a decision against Obama by an extremely liberal circuit court. This decision could not only prevent Obama from running again, it could lead to everything he has signed being nullified. Obamacare gone; czars gone; Elena Kagan gone; Sonia Sotomayor gone; what is there to not like about this? On the surface this doesn’t make one bit of sense to me.

I think, however, that I can answer the question quite easily. It has recently come to my attention that Mitt Romney’s father was born in Mexico, thereby bringing his eligibility into question. However, as it relates to Romney, his father’s birthplace is the least of my objections. Mr. Erickson also brought up Marco Rubio, the heir-apparent to the Republican throne, as another person mentioned as not eligible. I have researched Mr. Rubio and found him to be ineligible also. I have written about the Rubio case more than once. The sad thing is that I really like Marco Rubio and everything he stands for. Even though I respect and admire him, and his positions, my loyalty is to the Constitution first. I have also looked into Bobby Jindal, another man I admire very much, but guess what.

The question here is: Do we follow the Constitution when it is convenient or do we live by its tenets completely? I understand that the politicians have strayed far from the original letter and intent of the document and find it easier to do what is in their best interests rather than follow what our founding fathers laid down as the guideposts for our nation. I don’t need any further explanations about what is wrong with America today. We the People do not matter, power matters. Both parties fight over who will control government with no regard for the people they are supposed to be SERVING.

Both parties have taken young Muslim men who can’t count to ten with both hands in front of them, set them up with fake bombs and targets, and then arrested them in the name of “Homeland Security”. I think they call that entrapment!! Officials hail themselves as doing a wonderful job protecting our homeland but are they? Not in my book. They break their arms patting themselves on the back for playing poor idiots as patsies. The only two attacks I know about that weren’t planned by federal agents, the shoe bomber and the underwear bomber, were thwarted by private citizens alert to something amiss and the incompetence of the would-be attackers.

This isn’t only about Barack Obama; it is about politics and the corruption that permeates every pore of it. This is about We the People once again gaining control of our future and restoring America as the “shining city on a hill” described by John Winthrop in the 1700’s. It is about honor, integrity, and the rule of law. It is about following the blueprint given to us by those who fought valiantly and defeated the strongest nation in the world at the time.

The Solyndra scandal is not the sole property of the Democrat Party. Under Republican rule we had Enron, questionable money going to Halliburton, and on and on. Political corruption and vote buying has been a part of Washington as long as I have been around and I date back to the middle of the last century (1950). Cronyism has long been the font of the ruling class, making sure those who give money to politicians of either party get their money back with interest.

Our forefathers, the men who wrote two of the greatest documents ever written, pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to establish the United States of America. Generations of men and women have fought and died to preserve this nation. We have strayed so far from what they established with the help of Divine Providence, that they would not recognize this nation today.

John Dummett is a common man, not a politician, not a wealthy wanta-be looking for a title to make him a legend in his own mind as most of the ruling class tends to be. His desire is to live by the Constitution and bring this country back to its design. I support him, as do many other “commoners”, the “country class” of America. We have been ruled by the Ivy League know-it-alls for much too long. Our nation has turned into a quagmire of evil, increasing poverty, class envy, and divisiveness by those who seek to rule rather than govern. Both parties enrich their friends while promising We the People the moon. You know the old saying, “divide and conquer”.

The goal of John Albert Dummett, Liberty Legal Foundation, and many common American citizens is to restore our nation to what it was designed to be, government OF the People, BY the People, and FOR the People. God and our founding fathers gave us a wonderful way of life, full of freedom, full of liberty, full of promise, and what have we done with it?

It is up to We the People to take our country back. Unfortunately we will have to fight a war on two fronts. We have to fight the liberals, George Soros, and the “Occupy Wall Street” morons who aren’t smart enough to put two sentences together, as well as the so-called conservative media and politicians who do not want to give up their gravy train to those of us “too stupid to know what is good for us”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the ruling elites are all around us. They are found on both sides of the political aisle and until we get enough common people into office to blunt their agenda we are in danger of dictatorship and slavery. Remember, it was George W. Bush and a Republican Congress that gave us the Patriot Act, a misnamed law if I ever saw one. In the name of protecting us they turned the noose of slavery one notch tighter.

John Dummett and the Liberty Legal Foundation are working for us, the common citizen of all colors, all economic categories, and all ethnic groups. They are trying to restore We the people as the arbiters of freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We need to support them.

I submit this in the name of the Most Holy Trinity, in faith, with the responsibility given to me by Almighty God to honor His work and not let it die from neglect.

Personal Information

Anthony Robert Martin-Trigona was born in 1945 in Middletown, Connecticut to Helen and Ralph Beneducci Martin-Trigona. He currently lives in New York, New York.

Mr. Martin is single.

Religious AffiliationEpiscopal

EducationGraduated from Woodrow Wilson High School in Middletown, Connecticut
1966- Graduated with a B.A. degree from the University of Illinois
1969- Graduated with a J.D. degree from the University of Illinois
Wesleyan University- French studies only
The University of Edinburgh- Summer Program- economic history

Foreign LanguagesFrench
Greek
Mandarin Chinese
Arabic

Professional Career1969 to present- Public Interest Lawyer
1985 to 1992- Adjunct Professor of Law- City University of New York
1978 to 1980- Radio Licensee- Broadcasting
1968 to 1969- Television Licensee- Broadcasting
1966- Assistant to United States Senator Paul H. Douglas

Political AffiliationStarted out as a Democrat
Changed to Republican
Changed back to Democrat
Changed back to Republican
Changed to Independent
Changed back to Republican
* Attempted to run for office on the “Reform Party of Illinois” ticket but he did not qualify to be on the general election ballot

Political Career1966- Interned for Democrat Senator Paul Douglas
Perennial Candidate for various political offices in various states, including Connecticut, Florida, and Illinois. He has run for office as a Democrat, Republican and Independent.

Political Candidacies1977- Ran for mayor of Chicago and lost
1978- Ran for U.S. Senator in Illinois (Democratic primary)
1980- Ran for U.S. Senator in Illinois (Democratic primary)
1986- Ran for Congressman in Connecticut (Republican primary)
1988- Ran for President of the United States (Democratic primary)
1990- Ran for Governor of Florida (Republican primary)
1992- Ran for Congress in Florida (Republican primary)
1996- Ran for Florida State Senate (Republican nominee)
1998- Ran for U.S. Senator in Florida (Republican primary)
2000- Ran for President of the United States (Independent)
2004- Ran for U.S. Senator in Illinois (Republican primary, but was removed from the ballot)
2004- Ran for Senator in Florida (Republican primary)
2006- Ran for Governor of Illinois (Republican primary)
2008- Ran for Senator in Illinois (Republican primary)
2010- Ran for Senator in Illinois (Republican primary)
2012- Is currently running for President of the United States (Republican primary)

Confusing His CandidaciesQuoting from Mr. Martin’s website on his “Andy, a brief bio” page, under point #1:

Andy has entered the race for the 2010 Republican nomination for U. S. Senator. Send him your thoughts. Offer him your support. Once again, Illinois calls Andy Martin to be a field general in the endless war against political corruption in our state and in Washington.

On that same page, under point #3:

The one man Barack Obama fears in the U. S. Senate: Andy Martin. Send Andy to Washington, and you will send Barack Obama a devastating message: Obama, it’s time for you to go.

I understand how this can happen. It appears as though Mr. Martin has ran for so many offices that he simply perpetuates the same, exact information on completely different websites, depending on what office he is currently running for. However, it does not cause me to have great confidence in someone whose attention to detail is obviously lacking.

On The IssuesAbortion- Strongly opposed to mandated coverage Gun Control- Strongly supports the Second Amendment Cap and trade- Strongly Opposed Free Speech- Strongly Supports the First Amendment
Opposes the Iraq War and has since 2002Corruption FighterFrom Mr. Martin’s website:

Andy exposed corruption in the local courts while still a student at the University of Illinois College of Law. In 1968 Andy engaged in a legendary confrontation with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, demanding that Democrats dump Secretary of State Paul Powell because Powell was a crook. Shortly thereafter, Powell died leaving millions of dollars stuffed in shoe boxes.

In 1969 Andy Martin joined efforts to investigate and expose two corrupt judges on the Illinois Supreme Court. The judges were forced to resign after taking bank stock bribes.

Throughout the 1970’s Martin waged war against judicial corruption in Illinois’ federal and state courts. His efforts set the foundations for Operation Greylord, which led to the conviction of over 80 court personnel. The United States Court of Appeals in Chicago once said “The stories about Martin’s clashes with the appellate and district court judges in this circuit are legion…he might not win a popularity contest in this circuit.” Any surprise there?

Anti-Semitism IssuesHis 1996 campaign for Florida State Senate came to an abrupt halt when it came out that he had named his 1986 congressional committee, “The Anthony R. Martin-Trigona Congressional Campaign to Exterminate Jew Power in America”. When this came to light the Florida state Republican Party renounced him, stating “Martin’s views do not represent those of the state GOP”.

The investigation into the committee and its creation, the Florida State GOP representative went on to say, ”’There is no room in our party for someone who holds these kinds of views. Anthony Martin will receive neither support, nor encouragement, from our party.”

Mr. Martin has denied that he had any connections or participation with the committee or its creation.

His 1990 campaign also suffered from his previous anti-Semitic comments which stemmed from a 1981 bankruptcy case. Mr. Martin stated that there was a “conspiracy of Jewish bankruptcy judges and lawyers were plotting to steal his property.”

In one of his legal motions, Mr. Martin wrote,

”I am able to understand how the Holocaust took place, and with every passing day feel less and less sorry that it did, when Jew survivors are operating as a wolf pack to steal my property.”

In yet another legal case in 1983, Mr. Martin filed a legal motion calling the judge presiding in the case,

“a crooked, slimy Jew who has a history of lying and thieving common members of his race.”

Mr. Martin was interviews by the Orlando Sentinel in 1990, and he stated that “he regretted those comments.”

In 1996 Mr. Martin gave a written statement saying, he “is not anti-Semitic”. He also stated that he has “signed a pledge drafted by the The American Jewish Committee in Boca Raton to refrain from using race, religion or ethnic background as an issue in this year’s campaign. ”I have faithfully followed that pledge and will continue to do so.”

I have great concern with Mr. Martin’s seemingly lack of understanding of the gravity to his anti-Semitic comments. These are not just empty words that he spoke that he can just take away. Yes, I do most certainly believe people make mistakes- we all do! However, when you put something in writing and actually have it filed in a court of law it’s not something you can just explain a way with an apology. Racism is wrong no matter who you are or who your racists feelings are against.

His ReputationIn the 2008 election he was named by 3 separate media outlets as “the primary source of false rumors” against President Barack Obama by making the accusation that Mr. Obama is secretly a Muslim.

He has since moved away from this accusation, now vocalizing his opinion that President Obama’s real father is Frank Marshall Davis, a journalist from the 1950’s.

While I personally have a LOT of questions about Mr. Obama’s past, Mr. Martin’s credibility is quite shoddy in my opinion. Our reputation encompasses the entire being of who we are. Any credibility that Mr. Martin might have in bringing a case against President Obama are called into question because of his past. For me to take someone seriously in a matter such as the President of the United States and questions regarding who he truly is, I want someone who has credibility in all other areas of their life.

He is known as a “vexatious litigant” among numerous federal and state courts. This reputation goes back to at least 1982 when a federal judge for the Southern District of New York stated that Mr. Martin “had a tendency to file a substantial number of lawsuits of vexatious, frivolous and scandalous nature.”

Many of Mr. Martin’s lawsuits were anti-Semitic in nature, as was stated in the above section.

Going Too Far1983- A federal judge in Connecticut issued an injunction barring Mr. Martin or anyone acting “at his behest at his direction or instigation, or in concert with him” from filing any new legal actions or proceeding in any federal or state court without first obtaining permission from the court that he would be filing with. In his ruling the judged stated that Mr. Martin had a tendency to file legal actions with “persistence, viciousness, and general disregard for decency and logic.” The judge went on to state that it was common practice for Mr. Martin to file “an incessant stream of frivolous or meritless motions, demands, letters to the court and other documents,” as well as “vexatious lawsuits” against anyone who dared cross him, including court personnel and their families.

Proving the judges point, Mr. Martin sued the judge who issued the ruling, as well as the judges wife. He then tried to have the judge recused from the case but was unsuccessful.

Mr. Martin appealed the ruling and the Second Circuit Court of Appeals limited the scope of the injunction to the federal courts only.

This has done nothing to slow Mr. Martin down from filing his legal actions. He has received repeated citations for contempt of court by violating the federal injunction.

The United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida has estimated that Mr. Martin has filed thousands of proceedings over the years. It was also discovered that his mother was in cahoots with him by filing a federal civil rights action against several Florida state officials. The lawsuit was thrown out, and the court stated that Mr. Martin is “a notoriously vexatious and vindictive litigator who has long abused the American legal system.”

Both the states of Florida and New York have prohibited him from filing lawsuits in their state courts without first receiving approval from the perspective courts because of his long history of abusing the legal system.

Mental HealthThe Illinois state psychiatrist has described Mr. Martin as having a “moderately severe character defect …with a paranoid flavor and a grandiose character.”

1973- The Illinois Supreme Court would not grant him a license to practice law in the state, stating that there were several instances of troubling behavior on his part. One such instance stated was when Mr. Martin went to court to have a parking violation thrown out because it has been “entered by an insane judge.”

He also described an attorney as “shaking and tottering and drooling like an idiot.”

Consumer AdvocacyHe became what he called “the people’s attorney general”, taking credit for being the first to file suit under the civil component of the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICCO)

He also takes credit for being the first to file antitrust actions against the BigThree TV networks for anti-competitive practices in network affiliation agreements.

Personal Legal Issues1996- Not long before this election Mr. Martin assaulted two TV cameramen. For the assaults he was convicted of criminal mischief and sentenced to one year in jail. He was freed pending an appeal but he landed himself back in jail when he made personal attacks on the judged while leaving the courtroom. He was held on criminal contempt of court and was sentenced to 7 months in jail.

Lady Luck seemed to be smiling on Mr. Martin because he was mistakenly let out of jail after only one month. Mr. Martin never returned to jail and a warrant was issued for his arrest. In the event that he is ever arrested he will serve 16 months in jail. According to Mr. Martin the issue was “being resolved” during the 2008 Senate run.

The Accusations He’s Made2000- Mr. Martin accused George W. Bush of using cocaine
2003- He claimed that he had found the hideout of Saddam Hussein several months before Saddam was captured
2004- Mr. Martin issued a press release stating the he had evidence that Obama “lied to the American People” and “Misrepresent[ed] his own heritage”, making the official claim that Mr. Obama is secretly a Muslim while claiming to be a Christian. Mr. Martin claimed that it was possible Mr. Obama was hiding this fact “to endanger Israel”, stating that “[Obama’s] Muslim religion would obviously raise serious questions in many Jewish circles.”

It is at this point that my head is truly about to explode! With the whirlwind of legal information that I found in my research of Mr. Martin, it is truly enough to make you wonder how in the world we could have allowed ourselves to get to this point as a nation. Mr. Martin has obviously wasted unmeasurable amounts of taxpayers money with his numerous frivilous lawsuits. While some of his actions and lawsuits may be credible, once again, for me personally, his credibility is not something I would hang my hat on.

The fact that Mr. Martin has filed more than one lawsuit of anti-Semitic nature, this last comment from him literally sent me over the edge! Can we say, “Pot, meet Kettle?!”

In reality, for the sake of this article, Mr. Obama’s religious beliefs are irrelevant. While I have very serious issues with President Obama and I STRONGLY disagree with most every decision and comment he has made while in office, for Mr. Martin to “call out” the president in regards to the Jewish people takes the cake!

Mr. Martin’s press release has been used by more than one conservative blogs and articles as substantiating proof that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.

While President Obama has given many reasons to call into question his religious beliefs, using Mr. Martin’s press release as “proof” that Mr. Obama is a Muslim is ridiculous! Where is the actual evidence? Yes, I, like many Americans question whether or not Barack Obama is a Christian. In reality there is only One person that can answer that question- not only for President Obama, but for each of us personally! We will ALL answer to God Almighty. He alone is the judge of our hearts. Yes, as the Bible says, “by their fruits you will know them.” (Matthew 7:16) Mr. Obama’s fruits definitely do not show a man who is sold out to Christ. However, neither do Mr. Martin’s fruits. And I could continue listing MOST politicians who “claim” to be Christian.

We MUST look at the facts- whether conservative or liberal! If the facts do not stand up to scrutiny they are not facts! I was disheartened to learn that an author I respect actually uses Mr. Martin’s press release as a source of information for his findings. I was also disheartened to learn that Sean Hannity has had Mr. Martin on his show. While I do agree with what Sean Hannity has said, when questioned how he could have Mr. Martin in his show, I still question the decision. Yes, Mr. Hannity has guests on all the time that he does not agree with, in this case he did not seem to discount Mr. Martin’s credibility. If we are going to be taken seriously we have to make sure we are presenting a factual argument and case. Yes, there will always be the naysayers who will deny the facts no matter how much proof you present them with. You cannot worry about that. You have to stay true to yourself, true to the FACTS! Period! It is not “fun” for me to write that Mr. Martin has been used as a credible source for people I admire and respect. But the facts are the facts no matter who they involve.

With the many, many, many ACTUAL FACTS that We The People have witnessed before our very eyes, using a source like Mr. Martin with the reputation he has, it does most certainly call into question the validity of the remainder of the arguments.

In Mr. Martin’s case I would say the facts speak for themselves. Is this a man that honestly believes the American people will trust him with leading our country? If he honestly believes the answer to that question is yes then I would have to wholeheartedly agree with the Illinois state psychiatrist who says that Mr. Martin has a “moderately severe character defect…with a paranoid flavor and a grandiose character.”

Ya think? My, my, my! I cannot even find the words to remain professional, so on that note…….. I’ll let you decide for yourself.

He BelievesFrom Mr. Martin’s official campaign website:

I BELIEVE……..ANDY MARTIN

I BELIEVE……..in the beliefs and values that motivated our Founding Fathers

I BELIEVE……..in a free and decent society; a free and decent society of responsible citizens that respect notions that are especially indispensable in a modern and democratic society; notions of freedom, the rule of law, the importance of tradition, small government and the worth of strong families and education.

I BELIEVE……..in a small and effective government; a limited government whose policies are based on the principles of the free enterprise system. A government who concentrates on its core functions and shows no favor.

I BELIEVE……..in a government with a strong national defense.

I BELIEVE……..in a government where taxes are fair and understandable

I BELIEVE……..in American Exceptionalism and like Ronald Reagan, I understand American Exceptionalism. I understand America’s greatness and I understand America’s role in the world for the good. I too believe, as President Ronald Regan believed, that “America is a Shining City on a Hill, that we are blessed as a Special Light for all Nations”.

I BELIEVE IN AMERICA……..in asafe America where choices count; choices in health care, retirement and where everybody is afforded the opportunity to go as far as their talents, aspirations and dreams will take them.

IF YOU BELIEVE AS I BELIEVE……..I respectfully ask you for your support; for your vote. God Bless you and God Bless America…………………..Andy

Obama didn’t release his birth certificate to shut down the birthers – he did it to label the entirety of the right as “carnival barkers.”

On April 27th, Obama finally put the birth certificate thing to rest for the majority of Americans .. we think. The conspiracy theorists are already using Adobe’s natural behavior to prove that the certificate is a fake and the anti-conspiracy theorists are pointing out how the conspiracy guys are wrong. We’ve even see how some believe that by releasing his birth certificate, Obama may have sealed his fate as a one term President. Everyone is wrong.

In listening to Obama’s comments on the release of his long form birth certificate I heard things that made me cringe. He isn’t releasing this to shut the right up, he’s hoping Conservatives go off the deep-end and push the conspiracy until there is a guy on the grassy gnoll with a second optical scanner, copy machine or birth certificate.

We’re not going to be able to do it if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts. We’re not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers.

When GOP candidates start re-visiting Obama’s Presidential record and reminding the electorate of the absolute blunders, mis-truths and lies – he will remind us that the right has been proven wrong time-and-time again on their so-called facts. “They just make stuff up”, the President will say, “just like that whole birth certificate thing”. And images of Trumps idiotic prancing about the country, re-invigorating the issue that most of us had let die, just to have the entire right look like fringe lunatics – exactly the strategy that killed Sharron Angle’s bid to unseat Harry Reid.

As if it weren’t enough, Donald Trump today pressed the issue by giving the conspiracy theorists a bone:

Now we have to look at it. We have to see is it real? Is it proper? What’s on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully.

“Sideshows and Carnival barkers..” with Donald Trump as the front-and-center image – this is a well-thought plan to get the moderates to distance themselves from anything remotely right-of-center.

The Plan

Create an image of a group of crazy people – check

Get Trump to work them into a frenzy – check

Prove them all wrong – check

Have Trump get them to push the conspiracy anyway – check

Use the cemented image that the right is all a bunch of crazy people to win re-election – in-progress

Trump’s lunacy emboldened conservative media sources to fully embrace birtherism. According to Media Matters, Fox News has spent over two hours promoting false claims about Obama’s birthplace across 54 segments, and only in ten did Fox News hosts challenge those claims.

Examine Bernanke’s comments at the Federal Reserve press conference, debate the real cause of fuel, food and clothing prices rising while home prices plummet, discuss China’s approach to overtaking the United States as the world’s predominate economy – do any of those, but leave the fricken birth certificate to die.

I have been working on this article for about a week, compiling all of my research, and had planned to post the article this coming weekend. However, the article has now taken on a new twist.

President Obama finally released his long form birth certificate today! In this video posted on The Blaze the President says “he did it because the country doesn’t have time for the “distraction” and “silliness” of questions being persistently raised about where he was born.

WOW! All of a sudden our President is growing up just a bit, it seems! It has been ok to have the “distraction and silliness” for 2 ½ years, and even took time out to add his own snide remarks to keep the controversy going rather than putting an end. Why now, after all this time, is he presenting it to the American people? Does he expect us to really believe he has the good of this country at heart? If this is what he expects, then I have a BOAT LOAD of ocean front property in Arizona that I would love to sell him!

What I believe is probably more than likely the real reason why Mr. Obama suddenly decided to present his birth certificate is because it appears as though he may be just a wee bit intimidated by The Donald Trump! Mr. Trump was not going to let this issue go away, and I’m sure Mr. Obama has never dealt with someone quite so bold and insistent in his Community Organizing position.

So, my fellow Americans, after more than two years of endless questions, it appears as if President Obama is indeed one of us! My question for him is, “What took you so long, Mr. President?” All this time you’ve acted like a bratty child, taunting us in your snide voice as if to say: “I know you are but what am I? But I guess we can finally welcome you, and say, yes, Mr. President, you are one of us! You are an American citizen!

Whew! I’m glad to finally get this issue behind us so we can start focusing on the REAL ISSUES this country faces! It’s so sad that you took so long to finally put an end to it all! Now let’s see how long it takes you to start truly focusing on the real issues! Oh… just for the record, Mr. President- I will not hold my breath waiting for that to happen! To quote your oh-so-famous catch-phrase, “Let ME be clear!” Mr. President, I do not believe a single word that comes out of your mouth, as I stated in my article “Liar, Liar Pants On Fire”.

I will not waste our time by debating the authenticity of the birth certificate. Anyone with half of a brain knows that this could very easily be a fraudulent document. All we have to do is think about how things work when someone is placed in the Witness Protection Program. So it is safe for you to assume that I highly doubt that this document is the real deal! However, I will never be able to prove this, so I will not waste any of our time.

Had the President presented this document- real or fraudulent- from the very beginning of this on-going issue, there would have been very little rumblings about it. Oh, I’m realistic enough to realize that there would have been those on the fringe questioning its authenticity no matter what. You are always going to have conspiracy theories floating around.

However, the President could have stopped the “distraction and silliness”, as he calls it, a LONGtime ago, had he not acted like an overgrown child! He took great pleasure in acting like a child regarding this issue, as he does other issues. He did nothing but taunt the American people who had legitimate questions surrounding his birth. Spare me the drama, Mr. Obama! You have no interest whatsoever in stopping the “distraction and silliness”, as you call it! In fact, you took great pleasure in taunting We The People! However, Mr. Trump ruffled your feathers, didn’t he?

Here are just a few examples of his taunting attitude. There are plenty other instances out there, just do your own internet search.

August, 2010:In this interview with ABC’s Brian Williams, Obama snidely said,” I can’t spend all my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead. I don’t think the American people want me to spend all my time on it.”

May 1, 2010: At a Press Dinner Obama makes jokes about his birth certificate.

Week of March 11, 2011: At a fundraiser in Boston, Obama jokes about the controversy surrounding his birth certificate.

These few instances that I posted above makes it very obvious he did not take the concerns of We The People seriously- that is, until Donald Trump came on the scene asking questions very loudly and publicly!

How shameful! Once again, President Obama has proven he IS NOT a leader! He IS NOT the Commander in Chief! He is the Taunter in Chief who’s been put in his place by a Reality Show Host! If nothing else we must thank Donald Trump for pushing the issue hard enough and long enough to force some action from this disastrous White House- even if its authenticity is debatable! Whether you like him or not for the possibility of the next President of The United States of America, Donald Trump has accomplished a task that the GOP didn’t have the guts to even attempt do! He forced the issue and would not stop! Brave on, Mr. Trump! You may just win my vote after all!

]]>http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2011/04/mr-obama-finally-presents-his-birth-certificate/feed/7Barack Obama – an Exorcist’s Nightmarehttp://www.conservativedailynews.com/2011/03/barack-obama-an-exorcists-nightmare/
http://www.conservativedailynews.com/2011/03/barack-obama-an-exorcists-nightmare/#commentsThu, 03 Mar 2011 08:20:21 +0000http://conservativedailynews.com/?p=7533Is it possible that the pastor was performing an exorcism and Obama came out of someone else? I mean…have we been asking the wrong question all along? We’ve all been so preoccupied with the question of WHERE he was born that we’ve ignored another possibility. After all, we have all been running around on the assumption that Barry was at least born SOMEWHERE! Okay, granted, some of us thought he was spawned, but you get my point. Besides, I don’t believe it. We’ve yet to receive any reports of people watching him swim up the West Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho and lay his eggs under a lily pad near the left bank. So, did we cover all the bases? Kenya? Check! Indonesia? Check! Hawaii? Check, Check! Hell? Come again? Yeah, that’s what I meant. Is it possible that Barack Hussein Obama has never actually been born? Is it possible he is nothing but an evil apparition who currently illegally inhabits the body of a chronically drunken sailor from Queens? Did he ever take a vacation on the far side of the River Styx? Is he Satan’s love child? Is Michelle the Gatekeeper or the Keymaster? Inquiring minds want to know.

The old joke goes something like this:

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell’s gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants, and he will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind it is Van Jones. He’s being forced to pound big rocks into little rocks. Upon seeing Van in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, “I feel his pain! I don’t think so.”

The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. He is bobbing for automobile parts in a large pool of dirty water. Grimacing at the filthy scene, Clinton says, “Not for me.”

The third door opens and behind it is Pee Wee Herman. He’s naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

“I can handle that!” Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.

“Very well,” says Satan. “Monica, you’re free to go.”

Perhaps the joke is really on Barry, not Bill. Let’s examine the evidence and see if we can lay the rumors to rest. The charge – is Barack Hussein Obama a resident of the underworld?

The Trap Door Theory

Three men die and arrive at the Pearly Gates – Obama, Barney Frank, and CDNnow, a conservative blogger who lived through the years of the Obama presidency. St. Peter is there to greet them. St. Peter motions for Barney Frank to step forward. “What is your name?” asks St. Peter. “Barney Frank” answers the esteemed Congressman from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. “And what did you do on earth?” inquired St. Peter. “Well, let’s see,” said Frank. “I helped destroy the banking industry, I looked the other way while my roommate ran a gay prostitution ring out of my basement, and I tolerated Ted Kennedy for years, but that’s all water under the bridge by now,” replied Frank. “Go to Hell!” said St. Peter, pulling a giant lever that opened a trap door under Frank’s feet and down Frank went to roast his weenie over a bed of hot coals. St. Peter motioned for Obama to step forward.

“What is your name?” inquired St. Peter. “Barry Soetero,” replied Obama. But I changed my name to Barack Hussein Obama so I could qualify for the 72 virgins.” St. Peter wasn’t impressed. “And what did you do on earth?” St. Peter asked Obama. “I implemented communistic healthcare, held beer summits, and took far too many expensive vacations on the public’s dime,” answered Obama. “Go to Hell!” said St. Peter. He yanked the big lever, the trap door opened beneath Obama’s feet and Barry was sent plummeting down to join Van Jones and the Crazed Sex Poodle.

By this time CDNnow was getting nervous. St. Peter motioned CDNnow to come up before his desk. CDNnow walked gingerly forward, checking for trap doors as he approached the divine personage. “What is your name?” demanded St. Peter. “My name is CDNnow,” he replied. “And what did you do in your life?” asked St. Peter. “I lived through the Obama presidency,” replied CDNnow. “Come on in!” said St. Peter, swinging open the pearly gates and admitting CDNnow to Heaven. “You’ve already been through Hell!”

I’ve got to hand it to St. Peter – he sure knows how to call ‘em! I’m tempted to tell a joke here about a small shovel and relate it to St. Peter’s decision-making ability but I will forgo the temptation – which is a real shame – because the way I understand it temptation is the first step towards repentance. Perhaps I should tell the joke anyway. After all, I know I won’t go to Hell. I repent too damn fast! Naw, it’s too explosive. Look for the clues. Figure it out for yourself. Use your noggin. Nuff’ said.

Barbed Wire – or Kicking Against the Pricks

One day God was out riding the range and decided to ride along the fence line that separates Heaven from Hell. After riding for quite some time he came to a point in the fence where the barbed wire had been torn down. This upset the Almighty to no end. As he was fuming, the Devil came riding up on the other side of the fence. “I demand that you fix this fence immediately! I know that you are the one who tore it down,” said God. “Cry me a river” replied the Devil. “What are you going to do if I don’t repair the fence?” By this time God was fit to be tied. “If you don’t fix this fence I’m going to sue!” cried the Lord. “Oh yeah?” replied Satan, “And where are you going to find any lawyers?”

Point taken. Now let’s put it to a logical syllogism:

Obama is a lawyer.
Lawyers go to Hell.
Therefore, Obama went to Hell.

Okay, that works!

The Exorcism Theory

Let us all bow our heads in mercy and forgiveness for that drunken sailor. After all he is not evil in and of himself. He’s merely had an evil spirit that has been redistributed to him. See, socialism sucks! Given that the sailor is an innocent victim we shall regard exorcism more as a cure and less of a punishment. In Islam, an exorcism is called a Ruqya. Which is quite convenient…giving rise to such phrases as “Ruqya, Obama!” and “Ruqya too, Harry Reid!” Oh, did you hear the one about the dispossessed Libyan terrorist? No Sheikh! – Or the one about the naked ghost? No Sheet! Or the one about the naked cowboy? No Sheep! I just threw that last one in there as a variation on a theme. Anyway, let’s get back to the exorcism. I do tend to get carried away at times and I apologize for that.

I’m not Beetlejuice so please forgive me if I butcher the proper technique to perform a Hawaiian exorcism. I could have also performed a Kenyan or Indonesian exorcism but hey, I wanted pineapples in the ceremony! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a Hawaiian holy man with a background in Demonology? They don’t grow on palm trees, folks! And the few that do exist tend to be rather weird. I’ve yet to meet a normal paranormal. And still I found success. On the island of Ni‘ihau, commonly referred to as The Forbidden Island, live about 130 natives and one Hawaiian exorcist. It isn’t easy to get there…or cheap. I arranged for a helicopter to drop me off. I would have taken Mrs. PolarCoug along but she wanted to fly out a week in advance on a second helicopter, and drag the kids along with a bunch of bodyguards, too. Gee, that scenario sounds familiar. Now where could I have heard that one before? Strange. Anyway, back to the story.

Upon landing I discovered that Ni‘ihau isn’t fit even for miscreant liberal crybabies. And yet, that is where I found Lei Pupoo, who refused to tell me how he got that name and I don’t blame him. In his mysterious yet mystical way he told me that he became a Hawaiian exorcist shortly after the Ni‘ihau Incident in World War II. It seems a Japanese fighter pilot crashed on Ni‘ihau and went about terrorizing the local inhabitants for about a week. Naval Airman 1st Class Shigenori Nishikaichi took part in the second wave of the attack on Pearl Harbor. He flew off the deck of the aircraft carrier Hiryu and had the bad misfortune to run into some American bullets…got to know them on a first name basis. He made an emergency landing on Ni‘ihau, nearly plowing over a native man standing on the beach. Life is a beach sometimes, isn’t it? To make a long story short, he overpowered a guard, stole a shotgun and a pistol and headed back to his plane. A native named Kaleohano happened to be in the outhouse at the time Nishikaichi came running by on his way to his airplane. Pupoo was in the basement at the time and saw the hole thing. Kaleohano made a mad dash for safety out of the outhouse and Pupoo stayed right where he was – looking for relief butt finding that what happens in the outhouse stays in the outhouse.

Wow, that was a long paragraph. Let’s take a break for a moment and then we’ll get back to the story.

There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter…plus it stank all the time. The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

So one day after a spring rain the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?”

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree.”

- Legends of America

Pupoo wasn’t so lucky. He WAS in that outhouse. And there he stayed until he was rescued a week later. During that time he went through Hell. Or rather, Hell went through him. He emerged a new man and decided to devote the rest of his life to exorcising the demons that possessed his fellow Hawaiians. After all, a river ran through it and he was determined to get to the bottom of the problem. The end. Not the end of the story – just “the end!” Yeah, THAT end. Well, not quite the end, that Japanese sailor? He ended up getting his face bashed in. That’s what happens when angry Hawaiians apply high velocity rocks to one’s head (true story).

So here I was more than 70 years later, beseeching Lei Pupoo to perform an exorcism upon a drunken sailor from Queens. I was determined. “I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!” I told Pupoo. “I thought you said Queens, with an ‘S’”, he said. “I’m confused. Is it Queens or Queen?” I assured him it was the borough and not the band. “So much for Mercury rising,” replied PuPoo. And then he got down to work.

Pupoo began the job by cooking up his favorite recipe. He called it Ted Kennedy casserole.

Ingredients:

1 cup of dark brown sugar

1 cup (2 sticks) butter

1 cup of granulated sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups of dried pineapple

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 tsp fresh lemon juice

1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)

Pupoo sampled the Cuervo to check its quality. He then took a large bowl, checked the Cuervo again to make sure it was of the highest quality by pouring one level cup and taking a drink. Then he turned on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Then he added a teaspoon of sugar and beat it again…and again…and again…and again…and again. At this point Pupoo decided it was best to make sure the Cuervo was still okay so he downed another cup, just in case. Then he turned off the mixerer thingy. He broke two eggs and added them to the bowl and chucked in the cup of dried pineapple. At that point he picked the frigging pineapple off the floor and mixed it on the turner…wow, that Cuervo was really getting to him! Whenever the dried pineapple got stuck in the beaterers he just pried it loose with a screwdriver. At this stage of the food preparation Pupoo sampled the Cuervo for tonsisticity. Then he sifted two cups of salt, or something. Then it was time to check the Jose Cuervo. Then he shifted the lemon juice and strained his nuts. He added one table, a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever he could find. He greased the oven, turned the cake tin 360 degrees and tried not to fall over. Then he beat off the turner. Finally, he threw the bowl out the window, finished off the Cose Juervo and made sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

It was time. Pupoo prepared the inner chamber for the exorcism. He lit 24 ecologically friendly candles and placed them in a circle around the drunken sailor – who obviously wasn’t going anyone’s way, let alone mine. A backlit portrait of Janet Napolitano was strategically placed behind the sailor’s head and the empty bottle of Jose Cuervo was placed between his legs. Finally, a bit of sand scraped up off the floor of Lenin’s Tomb was sprinkled on the sailor’s dinghy, if you know what I mean.

Calling on the blessed name of Karl Marx, Pupoo began a slow and ponderous chant:

Oh, Satan, wondrous one!
Bring out of sailor, your blessed son!
Bring him fast and bring near,
Bring him with a keg of beer!

Out of Kenya, out of time.
Out of Harvard. On our dime.
Out of Boston, Out of bucks.
Out of money, just our luck!

The candles blew themselves out. The bottle shattered into a thousand pieces. The grains of sand aligned themselves in a row pointing towards the sailor’s chest and the picture of JanPo disappeared with a rushing sound that reminded me of the Trans-Siberian Railway rolling around a curve somewhere near Lake Baikal.

Slowly, a hideous apparition arose from the sailor’s chest. What the crap?! It’s the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man! I just got slimed! I noticed he was wearing the sailor’s hat and a cute little red bandana.

“I was expecting Obama!” I yelled at Mr. Marshmallow. Then the giant marshmallow morphed into the most disgusting creature I had ever seen. It looked eerily like a cross between Nancy Pelosi and Jerold Nadler. “I was expecting Obama!” I screamed again. The giant slug turned its massive head, wiped the Botox off its lips and responded to me with a thunderous voice.