For the discerning cheapskate record collector

(Columbus, Ohio) — None of those in attendance enjoyed any of the recent performance by local punk band Chuckberry Breakfast at Ace of Cups. Apart, that is, from a cover version of War’s “Low Rider” that subverted both the song’s original intent and the audience’s expectations of the band.

With even the band’s friends and acquaintances calling the north campus club show “dreary”, “remarkably unoriginal” and “full of obvious moves”, all patrons who were bothering to pay attention singled out the encore, “Low Rider”, as far and away the high point of the show. Not that onlookers thought the band were bad musicians per se, they just felt that each member seemed intent on performing with as little imagination as possible, deploying cliché after cliché.

“I guess they’re tight and played with ‘energy’,” sighed one of the Ace’s bartenders. “But it was really one of those ‘sound and fury signifying nothing’ situations. Other than that thing they did to the War song at the end. They really should do more songs like that.”

Candy Sexton, the girlfriend of Chuckberry Breakfast lead singer Curtis Paul, claimed she spent most of the band’s half-hour opening slot smoking out back on the patio, only coming in for the last song. “They practice at my house, so I already know how lame they are, except for ‘Low Rider’, which, even though it’s meant to be a joke, is way better than the rest of their shit.”