movie reviews…mostly

House of Wax (1953)

House of Wax stars Vincent Price in one of his most iconic roles, sculptor Henry Jarrod. Price is probably the American actor most synonymous with the horror genre, and watching this move it’s easy to see why. Even though this is one of his first horror roles, he brings an unnerving malevolence to the character of Jarrod: a good man driven to madness, revenge and ultimately murder. He shows Jarrod as a truly sympathetic villain who cared passionately for his art and refused to defile it for commercial reasons, only to have it all stripped away by a man who was supposed to be his partner and friend.

Price owns this tightly constructed movie that also features a creepy and offbeat performance by Carolyn Jones (Morticia from the Addams Family), a mute Charles Bronson (I admit I prefer him mute) as well as an unmasking scene nearly as famous as Chaney Sr. in Phantom of the Opera. For 50s B-Horror, you can’t do much better than this.

It was one of the first 3D films made and it helped start a craze that lasted for much of the decade – a very similar 3D craze to the one we’re experiencing now.

I bloody hate 3D. I admit that part of the problem is me. I can’t see it. I wear glasses, so when I go see a 3D movie, I have to wear glasses over my glasses. I don’t know if that’s why, or if it has something to do with what’s wrong with my eyes in the first place, but I can’t see the effect. I see depth okay, but nothing comes out of the screen at me. My kids love it, and are always reaching out to touch what appears to be just in front of them. I do my best not to get a headache, and usually fail.

But here’s my real problem with 3D movies, and it doesn’t matter if they were made in 1953 or 2003: The paddleball. Somewhere in the middle of House of Wax, there’s an asshole with a paddleball. The ONLY reason he’s in the movie is because it’s 3D. I can’t tell you exactly how many paddleballs I’ve seen in 3D movies, but it’s a lot. And if it’s not specifically a paddleball, it’s some other random prop or awkward movement wedged into the film for the sole purpose of having something pop out of the screen. Nothing takes me out of a story faster than a paddleball.

And not only that, but is there a crappier toy on the planet than the paddleball? I remember distinctly being given a paddleball at different times during my childhood. They always broke after exactly three minutes of flailing around with it having exactly no fun. You were left with a lame rubber ball and a wooden paddle to hit your brother with.