Back in 1983, Frankie said "Relax" and a media unsettled by gay S&M did the exact opposite. A generation later, we pride ourselves on being a little cooler with queerness and BDSM, but I suspect there are still some double standards when it comes to gay men getting kinky....

Considering how restrictive so much kinky clothing is, when does sexy cross the line into sexist? Is shoe-horning oneself into corsets, latex or agonizingly high heels just part of fetishism, or is it just another way in which the female body is molded and manipulated? Today, I'm peeling back the PVC to find out...

Today, I'm reflecting on some of my trips to sex stores and consider the cost of kink, as well as how many stores pass the female-friendly test. Is having a decent kink toybox all about the Benjamins? And why do some sex stores still feel reserved for the dirty raincoat brigade?

"Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough it isn't fun", growls Lady Gaga in her hit "Poker Face." Today, I'm considering how rough sex is portrayed in the media, and why a taste for the rough stuff troubling to some but damn sexy to others...

Last post, I looked at how BDSM can be used to work through abuse. But what of those who want to use BDSM to move on from, not replay, traumatic pasts? Today, I'm thinking about the difficulty of shedding the "victim" label when an abuse survivor chooses to be kinky...

One of the most resented stereotypes about BDSM is that the only person who would willingly consent to it must be "a damaged victim choosing submission as a way of healing from or processing past trauma." But what exactly is the objection to people who practice BDSM as therapy? I had a look at the kink-flavored movie A Dangerous Method to find out...

In light of the Daniel Tosh firestorm this week, I probably don't need to make the point that joking about sexual abuse is harmful, not funny. However, in the context of kink, a subculture that's already too often treated with mocking or irreverence, it's worth restating. Safewords are necessary, non-negotiable, and not a joke.

As kink continues to infiltrate the mainstream media so does its accompanying lingo, and one of the terms that's bugging non-kinksters is "vanilla." As folks who've fought against negative labels themselves, should BDSM practitioners quit bandying around this term? Or do we just need to redefine "vanilla" as an equally acceptable sexual choice?

A decade before 50 Shades, closet kinksters were finding a way to come out via Steven Shainberg's exercise in office S&M, Secretary. While this tense and sexy movie may have avoided coming off like a bad porn script, did Secretary do much to challenge the stereotype of the typical "weak female" submissive?

The woman who admits to enjoying sexual submission often finds herself stuck between the rock of a sexist society that tells her she's just exemplifying women's true nature, and the hard place of a feminist community that considers her brainwashed by the patriarchy. Why is a female submissive so rarely accepted as "a woman just plain getting her rocks off," Cliff Pervocracy wonders? A deeply unhelpful media may be part of the answer. As feminist kinkster Mollena Williams, co-author of Playing Well With Others, points out, "If people see the imagery of BDSM, whips, chains, pain, the serial killers of film and television...? Of course they may be repelled and confused." That itself doesn't make an activity wrong, or anti-feminist. The feminists who condemn female submissives "mistake their sexual preferences for a universal system that will or should work for everyone," says pro-BDSM feminist Gayle Rubin. When women's sexual behavior is subject to negative scrutiny and found "wanting" by other women, it isn't feminism—it's bigotry, often fueled by little more than personal prejudices.