I NEVER wanted to be pregnant and fought for years to get a tubal (why is it that docs just will not believe you aren't going to change your mind?) and when I finally got it and quit taking birth control there was this awful, irrational period of time that was thankfully short where some sort of evil biologically programmed script put me in a terrible funk.

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Because they're dumb. I have medical reasons to benefit from a tubal ligation/partial hysterectomy, but I've seen several different doctors, and not a single one will even discuss it until I'm 30. So, instead, I get to inject myself with hormones on a regular basis - which is soooo much better.

I test every month because I am paranoid after having Briggs.... but my heart sinks every time I see a negative because underneath knowing it's the wrong time I do want another child. If I could throw logic to the wind I would but it's not right for right now. Still, sucks a bit even if on a purely emotional level.

Emotions don't always make sense. *hugs*

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*hugs*
I know this isn't perfect timing. But we could make it work.
I know I want to go back to school, will it be harder after having a child? Yes. But it CAN be done. I know there are a couple of people on here with a child that go to school and a few non-Chaz friends of mine have a child/ren and go to school.

This is why I have Chloe. lol. I got accidentally pregnant. We were freaking out, it was horrible timing but we came to terms with the idea and then I miscarried. So we got married two months later and got pregnant a month after that. As much as I love my child in retrospect it was a terrible idea and we had been together for about 2 years. Lucky for me everything eventually worked out great and my life couldn't be better now but it almost destroyed our relationship because we just weren't ready. I wasn't ready. I panicked when she was about 5 mos old, felt suffocated, felt like I just woke up one day and suddenly had this life as a wife and mother and I wasn't sure I even wanted it. I had an affair, we almost divorced and that would have been awful for Chloe. It wasn't fair to her for us to hurry in to that stage of life.

Again, LUCKILY it all worked out and now we are happier than ever and things are wonderful but we owed it to her to take our time with that. Also I think I will always wish i had had more time with just my husband AND that I had finished college first. I am really struggling to get through online school while being a SAHM and I don't even know what my marriage is outside of Chloe. I mean, we have our alone time but we still talk about her a lot. It will be interesting to see who we are and how we are together when she is an adult and out of the house. At least we will still be young then, lol.

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First of all, (((HUGS))) I am so sorry all of that happened. But I know you would not have it any other way.
But yall are doing great!

A lot of people go through that despite being in the perfect place though. But I hear you on that! I was dumped, left to be pre gnant and raise my son alone and I didn't even want a kid. It was tough. I love my life but I do not relate to anyone my own age. Even the other mothers as I literally base my entire life around my son. All the other 20 year old moms I know party and have a life outside of their kids. Not me.

Again, none of that is bad. But, kids do tie you down. I say to everyone life goes on with or without kids and it's what you make it BUT it is a lot easier to go experience what the world has to offer first, then settle down with kids as you have to take a lot more into consideration when children are involved.

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See, that's my thing... I just turned 21. I do not feel the need, or want to, go our clubbing or drink myself stupid or feel the need to do drugs or anything "normal" women my age want to do.
I traveled a lot when I was younger/teens, I had horses, dogs, my dad. I experienced a lot of things when I was in my teens that most people older than me have never experienced.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be a wife. I knew I wanted children when I younger, but I didn't actually REALLY want them until I was about 16-17.

I did. My ex (now my boyfriend again... *ducks from rocks*) had broken up with me, and I was so desperate & pathetic that I felt like that was my last ace in the hole. I sprained my wrist (thanks, Rage) and had to go to urgent care - obviously they wanted to do x-rays, asked if there was a chance that I was pregnant, I said yes, and they gave me a test... they told me it was negative and I cried. It was stupid, I didn't REALLY want to be pregnant, but it was just an overwhelming sense of loss for the evening.

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Oh goodness, (((HUGS)))

I feel you, on the last part.

Thanks yall. I just... I don't know.
TJ and I keep talking about it, and I think he wishes I'd shut up about it lol, but it is just always on my mind now for the last few days and it is driving me bananas.

Because they're dumb. I have medical reasons to benefit from a tubal ligation/partial hysterectomy, but I've seen several different doctors, and not a single one will even discuss it until I'm 30. So, instead, I get to inject myself with hormones on a regular basis - which is soooo much better.

*sorry for the threadjack*

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Its ok
Doctors can be stupid.

I think if I had to inject myself like that, I'd be raising some h3ll.

I think if I had to inject myself like that, I'd be raising some h3ll.

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Yup. The injections DO make everything more stable, and I really don't mind them (I'm not squeamish about needles or anything like that), but it would be so much easier if they would just take the whole thing OUT and I could just be done. :lol-sign:

If I could go back and do it again I would finish school before having a baby. I have had to put it off as I do not want Briggs in daycare when he is this little. One of my friend's is a mom to two little girls (1 and 2) and she is a full time student and really struggles with it and feels terrible for having to leave her littles so much.

If I could go back and do it again I would finish school before having a baby. I have had to put it off as I do not want Briggs in daycare when he is this little. One of my friend's is a mom to two little girls (1 and 2) and she is a full time student and really struggles with it and feels terrible for having to leave her littles so much.

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This is true.

I would probably do online schooling, with maybe a couple of times a week going to an actual college.
Thankfully, the colleges around here are good about working around your schedule, whether it be work or kids.
Our local college has a daycare in it because its mostly mothers that go back to school. And even though I hate the college itself, the daycare system at the school is freakin awesome.

ETA: Don't get me wrong, if I am pregnant now or if I get pregnant before I go back to college, I would be excited. Tj would be excited. And we would make work in every possible way. I know it can be hard. I do not doubt that for a second in my mind, and I am not like most girls my age who have one or two kids. They drop their kids off at their parents or in laws houses and go party. I could not, and would not, do that.
I think if you lay in bed with someone and get pregnant, you should take up responsibility no matter what. I wish girls my age who already have kids thought like that. Now granted, I know TWO girls who are my age and think like that and do just that. But two vs at least 12, isn't a good ratio to me.

I hope no one takes offense to that, I am basing that off of people I know personally and have known since I was in elementary school.

It's totally do-able... but is a lot easier if you do not have children to go to school.

I feel the same way about my kid. I chose to have him and I don't have family who can take him overnight for time with him so I just have him 24/7. I realized the first six months of his life I do not need a support network so I can get away from him. I need a support network where I can be with him and do things with him. Not to say parents shouldn't have breaks. Everyone needs one. 99% of the time though instead of doing something "adult orientated" I take Briggs out to go play somewhere or just wrap him up and go walk to dog. Or because he's so little I will take him do e,to something for me. Like go by new undies and have a starbucks coffee.

It's totally do-able... but is a lot easier if you do not have children to go to school.

I feel the same way about my kid. I chose to have him and I don't have family who can take him overnight for time with him so I just have him 24/7. I realized the first six months of his life I do not need a support network so I can get away from him. I need a support network where I can be with him and do things with him. Not to say parents shouldn't have breaks. Everyone needs one. 99% of the time though instead of doing something "adult orientated" I take Briggs out to go play somewhere or just wrap him up and go walk to dog. Or because he's so little I will take him do e,to something for me. Like go by new undies and have a starbucks coffee.

He is the best thing to ever happen to me.

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This seriously made me cry. Especially when I got to the last sentence.
Don't ask why, but it was sweet and loving I couldn't contain it.
<3

ETA: Paige if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I always thought you were my age, but I might be mistaken.

ETA: Don't get me wrong, if I am pregnant now or if I get pregnant before I go back to college, I would be excited. Tj would be excited. And we would make work in every possible way. I know it can be hard. I do not doubt that for a second in my mind, and I am not like most girls my age who have one or two kids. They drop their kids off at their parents or in laws houses and go party. I could not, and would not, do that.
I think if you lay in bed with someone and get pregnant, you should take up responsibility no matter what. I wish girls my age who already have kids thought like that. Now granted, I know TWO girls who are my age and think like that and do just that. But two vs at least 12, isn't a good ratio to me.

I hope no one takes offense to that, I am basing that off of people I know personally and have known since I was in elementary school.

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I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally dropping kids off at the grandparent's house and going out to get some 'me/us' time. If it was happening all the time, or if the grandparent's didn't like the responsibility that changes things. My parents dropped me and my brother off a couple times a month to go out on a date or out with friends or whatever. We are no worse off

And you know, I have a lot of sympathy for girls who get pregnant and now have to devote their entire lives to children they weren't ready for. I am 20, and I would be devastated if I got pregnant... I would have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that I couldn't go out as much with my friends anymore, couldn't relate to them nearly as well, couldn't roll home at 3 in the morning with the SO after a few drinks, etc... I don't think that makes me a bad person. And as for the whole "well you decided to have sex so now you need to lay in the bed you made", well that drives me bananas. At this point I don't want kids, maybe not ever. Does that mean that since I *could* get preggo, I should never have sex, possibly for my whole life?

Anyway, I am not saying it's ok to neglect or mistreat your children. That is NEVER ok. What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's fair to look down on people who accidentally got pregnant and aren't immediately thrilled about the whole parenting thing. It's also understandable, imo, that after having the baby, there will be a period of time where the mother and father have to adjust to having this new life... Which can be very, very hard. Dak I am not saying your friend's are like this, in fact I am sure you are right in that they are irresponsible. But, I just wanted to clarify that I don't think it is wrong or bad of people to not immediately be happy about having a baby, or about not immediately being an amazing parent.

I don't think there is anything wrong with occasionally dropping kids off at the grandparent's house and going out to get some 'me/us' time. If it was happening all the time, or if the grandparent's didn't like the responsibility that changes things. My parents dropped me and my brother off a couple times a month to go out on a date or out with friends or whatever. We are no worse off

And you know, I have a lot of sympathy for girls who get pregnant and now have to devote their entire lives to children they weren't ready for. I am 20, and I would be devastated if I got pregnant... I would have a hard time coming to terms with the idea that I couldn't go out as much with my friends anymore, couldn't relate to them nearly as well, couldn't roll home at 3 in the morning with the SO after a few drinks, etc... I don't think that makes me a bad person. And as for the whole "well you decided to have sex so now you need to lay in the bed you made", well that drives me bananas. At this point I don't want kids, maybe not ever. Does that mean that since I *could* get preggo, I should never have sex, possibly for my whole life?

Anyway, I am not saying it's ok to neglect or mistreat your children. That is NEVER ok. What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's fair to look down on people who accidentally got pregnant and aren't immediately thrilled about the whole parenting thing. It's also understandable, imo, that after having the baby, there will be a period of time where the mother and father have to adjust to having this new life... Which can be very, very hard. Dak I am not saying your friend's are like this, in fact I am sure you are right in that they are irresponsible. But, I just wanted to clarify that I don't think it is wrong or bad of people to not immediately be happy about having a baby, or about not immediately being an amazing parent.

At 20, a lot of people are really still kids themselves

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NO! I did not mean it the way you probably thought AT ALL. I am so sorry it came out that way.

And I am in NO way saying I look down on people who get accidentally pregnant. I don't expect every woman to want kids or be happy about having one, by no means do I mean that. To each their own, and that is perfectly fine.

I wasn't thrilled to begin with but you adjust. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go out as a parent at any age for you/us time or even just drop the kid off so you can sit in silence. Zero. Every parent is unique and needs a different amount of help.

But, choosing to be a mother at a young age means you need to adjust. It isn't an option. You may be young but your child is younger. They did not decide for you to keep a pregnancy. You did. So naturally your freedom is going to be a lot less than before you had a child. You learn a new way of living and find new joys of life.

Dak, I dunno if this will help you or not, but when I went through a phase of really bad baby fever I started researching everything baby related: scientific backing for various pregnancy and birth procedures (gestational diabetes screening options, whether vaginal exams are helpful, pros and cons of epidurals, routine infant screenings, circumcision, etc.), various childbirth classes, the whole disposable vs cloth diaper debate, breastfeeding resources, pregnancy/birth and parenting blogs, etc.

It gave me a LOT to think about (instead of just imagining having a baby as all rainbows and butterflies lol), I got some great resources for future reference, was able to really think about my choices without the pressure of having to have everything figured out in a couple months, and it made me even more confident that we needed to wait as there are a number of parenting things I'd like to do that mean working full time that first year or two is less desirable and thus DH and I need to have more of a financial cushion.

I'm also working toward some personal goals given feedback from current parents about what they have wished they had done before pregnancy/birth/childrearing and that keeps me out of trouble as well. HTH!

Dak, I dunno if this will help you or not, but when I went through a phase of really bad baby fever I started researching everything baby related: scientific backing for various pregnancy and birth procedures (gestational diabetes screening options, whether vaginal exams are helpful, pros and cons of epidurals, routine infant screenings, circumcision, etc.), various childbirth classes, the whole disposable vs cloth diaper debate, breastfeeding resources, pregnancy/birth and parenting blogs, etc.

It gave me a LOT to think about (instead of just imagining having a baby as all rainbows and butterflies lol), I got some great resources for future reference, was able to really think about my choices without the pressure of having to have everything figured out in a couple months, and it made me even more confident that we needed to wait as there are a number of parenting things I'd like to do that mean working full time that first year or two is less desirable and thus DH and I need to have more of a financial cushion.

I'm also working toward some personal goals given feedback from current parents about what they have wished they had done before pregnancy/birth/childrearing and that keeps me out of trouble as well. HTH!

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I have been researching, and have been for at least a year, and I am just so boggled at how much stuff is really out there and the websites, books, etc.

Granted, it never hurts to wait.
Its not like I am saying if I am not pregnant now, I am going to try it in 2 weeks. If I am not pregnant now, then we plan on waiting until next year (at the VERY least) to actually *try*, but a lot can happen between now and then, and we could have a "oopsie" because we all know BC and condoms are not 100% bullet proof lol.

I know having a baby isn't all butterflies and skittles, trust me, I am not to thrilled about going through the puking, hurting breasts, swollen feet, and looking like a giant hippo when I get pregnant. And I know once I have a baby I know it'll be hard, I know things will take a while to adjust, and I know there will be times I want to pull my hair out.
I might not be one of the best moms on the planet when I have kids, but I know I will be better than a lot of the ones I know.

You know, I actually saw a woman BEAT her baby girl who could not have been more than 18 months old in the middle of Wal Mart about 2 weeks ago. I ran to an employee, told them what I say, and they had 2 sheriffs cars and a DFACS/Social Worker lady out there in less than 10 minutes.
To this day I don't know why parents treat their kids like that, and I guess I get more emotional about it then some because I went through that as a kid.

First, it does sound like your body is going through "Readjustment Hell" from going off BC. I can't tell you how many times I was thisclose to doing a DIY hysterectomy with a dull spoon, because it would have hurt less than the periods, LOL. 1200mg of ibuprofen didn't even *touch* the cramps I was experiencing.

Second, I know you don't really want to hear it, but you are still young. Both of you. And you're both in very transitional times in your life, not to mention you really haven't been together for very long. Take the time you have now to really get to know each other. See how the move and new schedule affects your relationship, because it will to some degree. Hopefully in a positive way, but there is that chance it will end badly.

I really wanted kids when I was 18, to the point I had thought about only doing 2 years of college and then getting married, raising a family, etc. I am so stupidly beyond glad things didn't go that route. That relationship didn't last, even though we were together for 6 years. There are so many things I've gotten to do--and still want to do--that would never have been possible if I'd had a baby. Being older now, having friends with children and just more aware of what the whole process entails, I could probably be quite happy never having children.

Not trying to be a total downer, but just saying you should consider every single angle of what is involved in having kids, especially at such a changeable age.

I agree with you Zoom! Especially as I am on the other side of the fence. The young mother. I love it with all my heart but I can't say it enough when people consider doing it that they should reconsider and wait.