'Jersey Shore' Recap: 'You Look Like Popeye on Crack'

The theme for tonight is: Everyone hates Angelina! Why? Because she's loud, annoying, slutty and irrational. In other words: She is the extreme embodiment of every characteristic that this show is all about, but too much and all at once. For the other members of the house, it's like looking into a funhouse mirror that will slap and berate you if you look too long. Not pretty.

Once again, I was duped into thinking tonight was the night Snooki and Angelina would finally come to blows. But it turns out that will happen next week, as MTV needs to space out the actual dramatic elements so we can have one every three or four episodes. So instead, tonight, we get tampon drama. Enjoy!