[splat-uhs-FEER-ik] adj. The kind of rebound that doesn't go exactly as planned.

Enter your email address here to become a follower!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Splat-ter of the Week: Pizza Hut

In honor of Pizza Hut, this week's winner, maybe we should swap out the golden pancake for a big ol' tomato-cheese pie. Not the kind that looks like it fell straight out of the pages of a food magazine, but the kind that looks like it fell straight out of a tenth story window. We don't have a royalty-free photo but we trust you get the idea.

Following the lead of other companies that have used the presidential campaign to promote their products, last week Pizza Hut launched an ad campaign intended to bring the perpetual "sausage or pepperoni" debate to the presidential arena. And not just metaphorically speaking, either. The company offered free pizza for life to the voter who would pose this question to the candidates during the town hall-style debate.

The ads drew immediate and widespread attention, so in a sense, they were a raging success. But most of the resulting publicity was negative. Pundits, PR firms, and the media reacted first, probably because they welcomed the chance to cover pizza toppings instead of health care. They criticized Pizza Hut for, among other things, "making a mockery" of the American democratic system.

They have a point. Who the heck does Pizza Hut think it is, encroaching on a job the two candidates have performed superlatively for six months?

The pizza titan's critics also said the presidential debates are the wrong forum for worthless, superficial discussion of frivolous topics. Right again. Everyone knows debates are intended for worthless, superficial discussion of important topics.

Pizza Hut beat a hasty retreat and conducted an online poll instead of an on-air stunt.

For attempting to hijack the presidential stage, the chain deserves to be rebranded as "Pizza What?" But since all they were trying to do is give Americans back some dough-- a promise they, unlike the candidates, might actually be able to fulfill-- we'll let 'em off with just a golden pizza.

Get Splat-ted Via Email

Follow \"Arganoid\"

Subscribe To

About Me

I turned 40 in June of 2011. Shortly thereafter I realized I needed to end my 10-month marriage. Making this decision was difficult --you don't exactly brag about being married a Kardashian length of time-- but the mechanics of executing this huge fresh start (and a whole series of related little ones) proved even more daunting. My attempts to bounce back --both recent and not--haven't always ricocheted off the proverbial wall with the gusto I envisioned. Sometimes they hit it with a resounding "splat" and slide down before landing in a heap on the dirt. This blog chronicles adventures in splats --largely mine but guest splatters will be featured as well--with the hope that the posts will evoke laughter, provoke the occasional thought, and prove that even the messiest ones usually work out just fine. Eventually.

Have You Ever Splat-ted? Tell me about it!

Have a good "splat" story to share? Email me at splatospheric@gmail.com. (Names and other incriminating details can be changed to protect the splatted, of course!) I'd like to write about other people's adventures as well as my own. While I'm vain enough to have started a blog, I have just enough self awareness to know that not everyone will find me as interesting as I do. There's simply no accounting for taste.