I am having a bit of a tough time just now - which is why I am not in bed - thinking too much.

I have had some really bad family news - I wont go into it but it has had a profound effect on me. And I think it is going to take some getting used to - so I am trying to adjust to that.

I saw an assesor yesterday for getting a support worker and they were trying their hardest to push me into the sick role - a place I fight hard not to be. I felt like a failure for needing a support worker and that I should be able to manage on my own. It is sitting there like a lump of dread atm.

Today 2 locum agencies phoned me and one had a 3 month anaesthetic job going that I of course had to turn down because of not being allowed to work and all the GMC stuff - but it sucks that I had to turn it down and it really upset me.