Monday, June 6, 2016

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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This past week has been “The Big Move over to the East
Bay” and we’ve been setting up the apartment, internet, all that stuff… and
frankly putting all of our sh*t in appropriate places, but we’re coming along
nicely. There are a few other things that happened this week though… we had
another BJCP (Beer Judge Certification Program) class Tuesday night… but yeah,
that was a lot of learning…

Izzy & I also watched “Gods of Egypt” starring
Gerard Butler & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in… frankly one of the most
ridiculous movies that I’ve seen in a while. Basically it’s a movie based on
Egyptian mythology… in that they take some of the names from Egyptian gods and
various grunts & noises (Bek, Zaya, Urshu, etc) and apply them to a city
made entirely of pasty models in front of a green screen and add a lot of CG
that seems dated even by 1999 standards. It’s pretty bad… and I’m trying to be
nice. I really am. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. The plot: God of War
Set (Butler) shows up at a ceremony where the King of the Gods Osiris is
passing his title onto his son Horus (Coster-Waldau) but… spoiler alert…
instead of just saying congratulations, the God of War kills Osiris (somehow,
because he’s a God right?), whoops Horus’ ass, and takes his eyes out of his
skull, leaving him blind… and then takes his woman to be his mistress too… like
a f**king boss. So then we fast forward a few years, and there’s this British…
sorry, obviously Egyptian thief kid named Bek (Brandon Thwaites) who tries to
steal some sh*t (one of Horus’ eyes which is like… a glowing crystal or
something) from Set… and it ends up getting his girlfriend killed… so now he
teams up with the exiled Horus after giving him his eye back… so that Horus may
or may not be able to bring her back from the Death. Oh… and we’re just getting
start… we’re like… 30 minutes into this 2+ hour movie. It only gets crazier
from here… but I’ll hold off on the plot points… save Geoffrey Rush has a giant
blade of fire that he uses to fend off a giant worm from Dune from devouring
the Nile. Needless to say, they’re not well thought out… and nonsensical… and
again, the visual effects are just… I don’t know what the budget was exactly…
but it wasn’t well spent. Director Alex Proyas (“Dark City” & “I, Robot”
among others) didn’t seem to have his game on in this one. I can see why the
movie was a colossal flop. That being said… if you like “300” then you’ll probably
like this movie. Gerard Butler does that character well… some of the designs
and shots are pretty cool for being completely obvious CGI… other than that
though, I really have no idea what the hell I just watched & why it was
made. I unfortunately cannot recommend it.

Next week, Izzy’s going to Utah on her first work trip
that she won for being such an amazing employee… and he’s only been there for
about 90 days!!! Truly amazing!!! She’ll be there for her birthday, leaving me
behind to miss her… but I’m sure that we’ll get by without each other for two
days… and we’ll just have to make it up when she gets back. Have fun
beautiful!!!

Also while she’s out, we’ll be posting the next episode of
the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast featuring the 1999 movie “Drop
Dead Gorgeous” which was suggested by OUR 1st SPECIAL GUEST
HOST, SALLY!!! It’s one of her favorite movies… and neither of us had seen it…
so you get some real sincere reactions & it gets pretty hilarious! Check it
out, let us know what you think, and let us know if you’d like to be a special
guest host on a future episode… and we’re always down for suggestions. Until
then, have a great day everybody!!!