Save
America's Vanishing Frompers!

Optional Music The Fromper is a small invisible
creature, which is why it is vanishing -- no, wait, don't scream and
run away just yet. The Fromper *is* an endangered species, and it *does* need
your help.

Not much is known about
Frompers because they are, after all, invisible. The only documented activity
of the Fromper is dancing on the ceiling at night. It is believed, from some
other characteristics noted later, that the Fromper only dances on ceilings
in rooms that are occupied, but this is difficult to make certain of. If a Fromper
dances on the ceiling of an empty room, does it make any noise?

Frompers do not seem to
be limited to residences. Fromper activity has been reported in office buildings
by late-night workers. I have heard noises on the ceiling in an Air Force radar
facility, late at night. There are reports that the Pentagon is attempting to
get funding for the study of a certain Ceiling Noise Phenomenon.

Why should you care about
preserving the existence of a being whose sole activity is dancing on your ceiling
at night?

For one thing, the Fromper
is a very obliging being. Although all a Fromper actually does is Ceiling Dance,
a Fromper will take the credit, or the blame, for anything else -- never deny,
never complain.

"Who ate the cake I was
saving?"

"The Frompers did it!"

"Who spilled cola on Omni
magazine?"

"The Frompers did it!"

"Someone already took
the trash out!"

"Frompers must have done
it!" (That way no one will expect you to do it again.)

But the most important
function of Frompers is linked to the reason they are becoming extinct.

Frompers are symbiotic
with the human imagination.

I do not have to cite
the scientific studies. A moment's thought will prove it to you. People with
a great deal of imagination have more Frompers around them; when you have a
lot of Frompers around, you have a great deal of imagination. If you start seeking
out Frompers in your house, you will find your imagination surging.

I don't have to point
out to you that imagination is in a sad slump in today's culture. If you insisted
on proof, I could order you to watch a half-hour of primetime television, but
I really don't want to do that to you.

That is why America's
Frompers are vanishing. *And* that is how we can save them!

Seek out your Frompers.
Sing to them. Dream for them while they dance. Let them nourish your imagination.

One of the most reliable
Fromper Detectors is the Cat. Cats are, themselves, totally devoid of imagination.
They always see what is actually there. The cats of highly imaginative people
have been observed to see more Frompers. A cat can therefore be an adjunct to
your Fromper raising campaign.

The cat can also help
keep them on the ceiling and away from the cola.