But as we all know, the journey Down Under is not for the faint of heart. Like scaling Everest, it can break lesser mortals who are not physically, mentally and spiritually prepared. Luckily, the Canadian post-hardcore act’s lead guitarist, Paul Marc Rosseau, is here to help.

The flight from North America to Australia is no place for the weak. The journey takes anywhere between 5 months and 11 years, so you’re going to want to be prepared. Fortunately for you, I’ve personally endured this hell-off-earth several times. It is in your best interest to heed my advice, so buckle up, note the location of the nearest emergency exit, and enjoy the ride.

1. SET THE SCENE

Unless you’re Christopher Nolan, the best place to start is at the beginning. The beginning is where you start to see things begin to start, and when you start starting to see something you’ll know you’ve begun to see the beginning.

Now that we’re up to speed, the first thing you’ll want to do is check out the plane’s in flight entertainment system. There, you’ll find everything from the latest Hollywood blockbusters to chart-topping albums. Even sudoku puzzles! Then, fight the biggest person on the plane. Don’t doddle around- as soon as you board, perform a visual scan of the cabin including first and business class. They might be sitting in 1A or 45F or even 32D. The point is, you have to land a few good punches on the alpha or the whole thing is a bust. As unpleasant as it may seem now, you’ll thank me when you’re being served mini-bottles of merlot by the dozen and the chump in the seat next to you can only get another drink by waiting for the ice in his hours-old apple juice to melt.

2. IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM…

…Join ‘em! By this I mean join a club. Take a moment on the flight to enrol in an airline rewards program. Collect points which you can later redeem for exclusive retail items and all-inclusive getaways. While you’re at it, join the book club which meets weekly in exit row 21. You may also wish to better yourself through higher education. Most airlines will offer 6-8 month college-equivalent courses in the general arts and sciences. Additionally, any reputable carrier will equip their aircraft with gym facilities and one hundred toilets.

3. GET CONNECTED

Take advantage of in-flight WiFi to send and receive important emails. Remind loved ones of your physical appearance by attaching photos of your greying hair and worsening posture. Celebrate the births of your grandchildren and subsequent great grandchildren over Skype. You’ve been up a long time, but the future is now!

4. STAY HYDRATED

Be sure to drink plenty of water. Also, form a cabal. Treat the members of your flight as a pliable, uninformed electorate. Lead them to believe, by way of your acerbic wit and practiced demagoguery, that you have everything required to overthrow the despotic government of the flight crew. In this way, you will soon no doubt wield absolute power.

5. LAND OF THE FREE

Congratulations, you’ve almost made it! In preparation for landing, make sure you’ve filled out your landing card (i.e. your customs declaration) and all your personal effects are in order. Many inexperienced travellers wait until the last minute to organize their belongings. This is a mistake that can only result in an unnecessarily stressful deplaning process. Take the last few weeks of the flight to ensure you have your headphones, watch, shoes, etc. because once you’ve touched down, the taxi to the gate only takes about 9 days.

Silverstein Australian Tour Dates W/ Pierce The Veil

Tuesday, 16th August – All AgesEatons Hill, BrisbaneTickets: Live Nation

Wednesday, 17th August – All AgesBig Top At Luna Park, SydneyTickets: Live Nation

Thursday, 18th August – All AgesThebarton Theatre, AdelaideTickets: Live Nation