You’d think it’d be obvious to most people that a band who released a song about how a pelican eating your cell phone is a miracle would be religious, but if The Guardian is to be believed, they found the news that the Insane Clown Posse were actually evangelical Christians to be quite the shock.

All of which makes Violent J’s recent announcement really quite astonishing: Insane Clown Posse have this entire time secretly been evangelical Christians. They’ve only been pretending to be brutal and sadistic to trick their fans into believing in God [DUNT DUNT DUNNNNN -Ed.]. They released a song, Thy Unveiling, that spelt out the revelation beyond all doubt:

F*ck it, we got to tell.
All secrets will now be told
No more hidden messages
…Truth is we follow GOD!!!
We’ve always been behind him
The carnival is GOD
And may all juggalos find him
We’re not sorry if we tricked you.

Violent J explained himself unapologetically to a New Jersey newspaper: “You have to speak their language. You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you’re one of them. You’re a person from the street and you speak of your experiences. Then at the end you can tell them: God has helped me.” [Guardian]

Okay, okay, The Guardian, you got me, I clicked on the link, I was even intrigued by the premise, even if it didn’t seem that surprising (violent rhetoric coexisting with Christianity? my stars, that’s never happened before!). And now for the part I referenced with the ellipses in the headline: “Insane Clown Posse reveals Christian faith… eight years ago.” That’s right, the “recent” song The Guardian quotes is from an album that came out in 2002. Which you’d think they’d know if they read their own source link. Anyway, when you think about it, it isn’t that surprising that ICP would be Christians. Clowns and priests, clowns and priests…. (*puts on Carnac the Magnificent turban, holds envelope up to forehead*) …What are two groups famous for child rape? (*pantomimes golf swing, smokes cigar*)

This has not been written in stone by Kahless yet, but it appears likely that The Mighty Feklahr may be recalled to His home planet soon.

Somehow it is fitting that He announces this in a thread about fundy clowns.

10.11.10 at 1:04 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

What are two groups famous for child rape?

The Backstreet Boys and *NYSNC?

/google Lou Perlman

10.11.10 at 1:05 pm

The Jersey Devil

Fuckin’ fact-checking . . . how does it work?

10.11.10 at 1:09 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

They really put the “rap” in Rapture

10.11.10 at 1:15 pm

Donkey Hodey

I liked the part of the article where they reveal that some fans already knew about it because they had deciphered the hidden messages in their other songs. These are the same people who would take stock tips from apha bits if they could figure out how to spell E*Trade.

10.11.10 at 1:17 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you’re one of them.

Can I just hand them smallpox blankets?

10.11.10 at 1:19 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

ICP and Nickelback, ICP and Nickelback…

…What are two groups famous for ear rape?

10.11.10 at 1:21 pm

Fek'lhr

The Mighty Feklahr isn’t one to pick nits, and He realizes that technically ICP has made…”cinematic productions”, but He is still not sure some article about clown rappers being Christian necessarily qualifies as “movie news He can make fun of”.

10.11.10 at 1:22 pm

eibmoz

When the voices told them “go sing, ya fuckin’ clown”, that wasnt God, it was you drunk father.

10.11.10 at 1:25 pm

The Jersey Devil

Great . . . ICP in their neat white shirts inspiring a horde of backpack-toting, bicycle-helmet-wearing bible clowns to roam the world and convince people to rock dreadlocks and drink Faygo . . . my day is complete.

10.11.10 at 1:30 pm

Fek'lhr

The Mighty Feklahr would be curious to find out which God ICP worships. The Mighty One has to imagine it’s like Chester the Cheetah or the Pillsbury Doughboy.

10.11.10 at 1:39 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

The irony of all this is that ICP’s popularity is proof that there is no God

10.11.10 at 1:43 pm

Ace Rimmer

Dunno, BeckHa, seems pretty ineffable to me.

10.11.10 at 1:49 pm

ChinoMoreno

Juggalos were never banished from the Garden of Eden because they won’t even touch an apple.

10.11.10 at 1:50 pm

ChinoMoreno

God took Adam’s rib, slathered it in BBQ sauce and created the first Juggalette.

10.11.10 at 1:55 pm

ChinoMoreno

For their bastism, Shaggy and Violent J’s pastor shot holy water at them from a little flower he had pinned to his robe.

10.11.10 at 1:56 pm

ChinoMoreno

Or baptism. No, no. Bastism.

10.11.10 at 2:01 pm

ChinoMoreno

ICP’s Noah crammed a dozen of every animal on the ark.

10.11.10 at 2:05 pm

Ace Rimmer

Juggalos kept taking body tequilas off Lot’s wife.

10.11.10 at 2:08 pm

Ace Rimmer

Juggalo Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

After that, he wasn’t allowed to do more children parties.

10.11.10 at 2:10 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ

Christmas is around the corner. Just in time for me to break out with my Juggalo Baby Funueral nativity set.

10.11.10 at 2:23 pm

The Jersey Devil

“Dunno, BeckHa, seems pretty ineffable to me.”

Know what seems ineffable to me? Juggalettes. Although I have to believe that, with enough soap and water and lice power, there has to be at least one of ’em out there that cleans up nice.

I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol.

10.11.10 at 2:33 pm

Ace Rimmer

ICP ain’t nuthin to eff with!

10.11.10 at 3:55 pm

Sid Sweat

The J in Violent J stands for John 3:16

10.12.10 at 7:12 am

Sid Sweat

The J in Violent J stands for Jehovah

10.12.10 at 2:20 pm

Homo Erectus

Screw them. I’m gonna go listen to the new album by Buddhists With Attitude. They won’t try to trick me. Straight outta Nepal!

What this band has done is far from AMAZING! Taking a group of people called “juggalos” who are labeled by this world as outcast and nobodies and showing them that they too can have God’s love upon them :). Kind of reminds me of what Jesus did. Jesus did not come and hang out with the Church. He was in the company of those who were considered sinners and bad people. Did he not blashpheme the church for the way they looked at these types of people and did He not come to save them? You guys can hate on ICP and juggalos all you want because that is what is expected! Hell, they hated on Jesus, the one and only Son of God and murdered him. So keep hating!! ICP and what they have done in the lives of many juggalos are the fruit of their work and I bet they have a stronger following than most priest or pastors will EVER have…………just sayin ;) Whoop whoop MCL