Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has—reportedly—told the British satirical and current affairs magazine Private Eye that there is a conspiracy of Jewish reporters out to get him, and that they're a bunch of little girls. He did this in response to charges that he associates with anti-Semites. Touche!

Private Eye, a British weekly that's a lot like Spy, has published a column from editor Ian Hislop recounting a phone conversation he had with Assange two weeks ago. Assange had called to complain about an anonymous Private Eye story criticizing Wikileaks' association with its Russia representative, a raving anti-Semite rather confusingly named Israel Shamir. Assange wanted Hislop to know that he'd barely met Shamir, and that Private Eye had been taken in by a cabal of reporters for the Guardian who hate Assange and who are "all Jewish." Wait, what?

[H]e went on to say that we were part of a conspiracy led by the Guardian which included journalist David Leigh, editor Alan Rusbridger and John Kampfner from Index on Censorship—all of whom "are Jewish."

I pointed out that Rusbridger is not actually Jewish, but Assange insisted that he was "sort of Jewish" because he was related to David Leigh (they are brothers-in-law). When I doubted whether his Jewish conspiracy would stand up against the facts, Assange suddenly conceded the point. "Forget the Jewish thing."

Forgotten, Julian.

The other thing about the Jewish and sort-of-Jewish people who are out to get Julian Assange is that they are homos, basically.

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The Private Eye story isn't online, but you can find scans of the pages here. Caveats: It could be some arch prank. And Hislop acknowledges in the column that he didn't take notes or record Assange: "I thought the best thing to do was to publish as much as I could remember of our conversation."