I created an OKC account several years ago mostly as a science experiment. All I can say is that is has been interesting.

I used to have more profile pictures, but someone seems to have taken particular offense to the picture of my cute dog licking my toes so OKC decided to remove them. I guess when I think about it, I never did get permission from my dog to post his picture, so maybe it is just as well.

I keep my OKC account mostly because I forgot my Facebook password. I can’t believe that happened, but it did. But that is OK. I had mostly finished up trying to have sex with every girl in my elementary school anyway. All I can say is “thank you Suzy Harrison, now Suzy Monroe of Chicago, Illinois.” You were AWESOME! And don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

Hah! I actually made all that Facebook stuff up. Most profiles seem a little uninteresting to me so I thought I would add something spicy even if it is untrue. You don't suppose other people lie on their profiles do you? I wonder.

Me? I like to bike and swim. That is mostly because those sports allow me to wear super form fitting clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination and no one seems to mind. I wore my swim suit to work one day and was told it was “inappropriate”. So I like to swim and bike. I don’t like to work as much.

I also don’t like stress too much. I tried meditation once. I got comfortable, counted some beads and blam! my mind all of a sudden went blank. It kind of freaked me out. My thoughts are some of my favorite things so I actually didn't like losing them. So now to relax I watch sports on TV.

BTW, I also almost got a perfect score on my SATs. So if we match less than 50% you might want to go back and check your answers. I am pretty good at these things.

What I’m doing with my life

Thinking. Mostly thinking. I live in my head a lot. There are lots of dark and empty rooms up there and some of them are pretty cool.

I’m really good at

Amusing myself.

The first things people usually notice about me

I can tell you exactly what the first thing is that people notice about me. See, I like to sneak up behind people and listen to their conversations while pretending to look away. So if they catch me, the first thing that people notice is that I am listening in to their conversation.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I have a love/hate thing with libraries. I love them, but hate that I read so slow. Have you ever seen those science fiction shows where some super charged being reads a book in like 30 seconds? I wish I was like that. Gone with the Wind, Pillars of the Earth, East of Eden, boom…done. Every once in a while I do go into the library and do that in front of everybody just for fun, but in all honesty, I don’t think anybody is buying it. Also, sometimes I get paper cuts doing that so I am thinking about not doing that anymore. It just doesn’t seem worth it.

I only watch sports on TV. So I don’t watch TV. I watch sports.

I like music. Especially the good songs. You know the ones.

I eat to live, not live to eat but I don’t think I have had a beet in a long time.

Movies? Let’s see. That would probably be one of “Boobalicious”, “Breast Worship 2”, or “Jada Fire is SquirtWoman 1”. I'm just kidding. All I can say is that Google is amazing and who would name a movie "Jada Fire is SquirtWoman"? I wish I was that creative.

The six things I could never do without

Counting

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Is there anybody out there?

I think I answered too many questions on OKC. Most of them are pointless and reveal nothing useful.

I think OKC had a germ of a good idea but it got away from them. I now think that OKC is pretty much a waste of time like a ton of other things on the internet. That must be why I keep checking it. I wouldn't want to do anything productive. That sounds like work.

Here is another thing I think about. I am pretty much an atheist. I was in a bar the other night telling this to a religious friend of mine who simply could not understand this. But I told him about the night I was lost and stranded in the arctic with temperatures plunging looking death straight in the eye. With no alternatives left, I got down on my knees and I prayed to God to save me. But, somehow my friend assumed that I had had some kind of conversion. “Why?” I asked. “Because you are here, God saved you” he said. But then I told him that it wasn’t God that saved me. Instead right after I finished praying it just so happened that these two eskimos happened to walk by and took me back to their village. That was lucky huh?

I actually stole this nugget from David Foster Wallace, but I think it is brilliant and kind of sums up the problem with our world. It is worth thinking about.

On a typical Friday night I am

Going to bed early so I can get lots of sleep all weekend so I can go into work early on Monday morning with a smile plastered all over my face.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I once embezzled about a half a million dollars from my former employer. I had to go to prison and 9 years but they let me out after 8 because the truth is I really am a nice guy. But I usually don’t bring this up in normal conversation.

Hah! Another lie to spice things up. I do wish I had the half a million though.

You should message me if

You should message me if we match 100%. I am curious how many questions we will answer differently when OKC thinks we match 100%.