As you stand there in the dim light and watch me with hungry eyes, all I can do is shake. I want to tell you everything, yet at the same time, I don't want you to know a thing. I could make sure that your headaches are gone by tomorrow morning. You can take a break, turn away from me. You can do whatever you want, I suppose no one's stopping you. No one's ever tried to stop you. I could make requests that are pointless, I can plead and choke on my words until I'm blue in the face. I can make you better, but I don't want to anymore. I'm selfish.

As I see you take steps toward me, my mouth opens. I speak words, jumbled, yet they make perfect sense to my own brain.

Don't break me apart again just because you're broken. I need my insides to help me cope, so please don't tear me apart this time. I only needed 10 seconds to realize that you and I were just a mistake, but 10 months to face it head on as you come back again. I'm only lonely when you're here to pick up the pieces of me that I no longer need. Maybe if you took the time to hold yourself together, you wouldn't have to try and fix me. I count the days until I can come clean to myself and everyone around me. I hope and I pray and I bleed for something new, something to tell me that life is not just a dream. I just need this to be more than just a dream. If I could break out of my fear and choke down all of the wrong things, then maybe it would work out. But I am too afraid.

The fear grips at me and rips me open until I can no longer breathe, and thinking of dying will not help anymore because I'm already over it.

As you stand there in the dim light and watch me with hungry eyes, all I can do is shake. I am free.