Top Model: The one that’s a struggle to screencap anyone besides Angelea

I can’t even front anymore. I’ve gone from eye-rolling exasperation to mild intrigue to complete and total adoration of Angelea. This episode might as well have been the pilot to my fantasy Angelea Vh1 dating show, I Love Realness. If you thought her weave was out of control (or, as Tyra would probably call it, “Double-Oh-See”) before, just you wait to see it in the humidity of New Zealand. It’s like a puli and an Afghan hound are doing it on a shag rug. On her head. It is truly a sight to behold. So, click on and behold away.

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Beautiful.

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Gorgeous.

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Love it.

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Stunning.

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FIERCE.

Unfortunately, we did not get to see nearly enough of Krista and Angelea keeping it undoubtedly classy in first class on the bazillion-hour flight to New Zealand. The expert Top Model graphics team did however take time away from the competition Angelea’s weave to show us this awesome CGI airplane.

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Wholly and completely necessary.

Anyway, the girls arrive at Australia’s oft-neglected step-sister and are immediately confronted by Top Model‘s signature “cultural” moment. It happens every cycle. They tangoed in Spain. They did that weird confessional interpretive dance with the aboriginal Australian tribe. They hula’d in Hawaii. In fact, it’s usually dancing. It’s their “teachable” moment so Tyra can feel like she’s providing a window into a world we, the audience, would never otherwise see. And what sort of beautiful, moving cultural experience do we have here?

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GAH!!! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THE TERRIFYING TONGUE FACES STOP!

Fortunately, these two goth kids used their 15-minute break from working the register at Hot Topic to talk to the girls and save us from this detour into Nightmaretown.

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I know two boys who are going to have so much to write about in their Livejournals tonight.

They’re here to tell the girls that they are about to go directly on go-sees. Right now. Literally. Fresh off the aforementioned bazillion-hour flight. That’s cold, Tyra.

Despite having to rush around in Ugg boots and feeling less than fresh, it’s the usual go-see experience, same as every other cycle. The girls all have to meet back at the rendezvous point at 5:30, so it’s a game to see who can plan their time wisely and who is most familiar with the traffic patterns of a country they’ve been in for no more than a few hours. You know, classic model skills. There’s the usual case of the girls hitting the same designers at the same time and having to wait, or cutting off a girl on her way in. Someone gets the slow taxicab (Raina). Someone looks too commercial (Jessica). Someone books all six of the go-sees like a champ (Angelea).

That’s right. Despite her rubber arms, the fact she once said, “People don’t think I’m smart because of the way I am,” and THE WEAVE, Angelea managed to win over all six designers on the go-sees and wins the challenge. How did she do it? With that winning personality, of course. Here are some shots of her capturing the magic on her go-sees.

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*cat sound*

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Aw, snap!

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Hey, boo.

I guess I should try to mention the other girls too. Raina and Krista were both late getting back to the rendezvous point, so they were disqualified. And Alasia. Alasia, Alasia, Alasia. She left her map at a designer’s and had to go back and get it. She was 45 minutes late. That might be a Top Model record.

It’s not all bad news, though. Here’s this inexplicable rainbow that couldn’t be more perfect if Tyra and Nigel and Andre and Ann Shoket and Whitney Port all got together and wished really, really hard at the same time and applauded and sprinkled fairy dust and howled at the moon.

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I like to think at the end of that rainbow is a big pot of Angelea’s weaves.

The shoot this week is with famed fashion photographer (and regulation hottie) Nigel Barker. They bring out two sheep to be used in the shot, but one is inexplicably absent the remainder of the shoot …

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“And I’ll see you in my trailer later … “

Upon seeing Nigel get a little too close to that sheep me, Krista and Angelea are like:

Krista turns out another fabulous shot and finds herself on top once again at panel.

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“Seriously, Nigel, is that a wool thong poking out the back of your trousers?”

Speaking of panel, is it even worth mentioning that Tyra still looks ridiculous in her weekly jumpsuit and Andre Leon Talley is wearing a tent? It’s just a given at this point. Perhaps I should try naming their ensembles instead.

For some reason, Angelea decides at panel to demonstrate what it would look like if she was walking through the club in the dress she won from the challenge. Sure. Fine. Except it makes her look a little bit like a crazy person. The judges, of course, hated it, but I kind of loved it. Angelea is not a villain, like, say, Jade was from cycle six. She can be a little mean, but it’s not all attitude all the time. She’s also kind of a big doofus, which obviously makes me love her even more.

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She reminds me of that Jenny Slate SNL character that tries to sell things like custom alarm clocks or car horns or doorbells.

Things get a little tense for a moment when the bottom three looks like this:

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Don’t you dare make Angelea sad, Tyra!

But then she’s called and spared from the bottom two and I’m all like:

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Jessica and Alasia land in the bottom two this week and Alasia is sent home, presumably. Unless of course she’s late to her flight and ends up stuck in the airport when the elevator doesn’t work. She’ll spend her days wandering around the terminal yelling at no one in particular until one day she sees a handsome half-English, half-Sri Lankan man locked in a sweet embrace with his lover. He’s got his arms wrapped tightly around the woman and Alasia can’t quite make out her face as the man pushes the digital camera around his neck aside so he can keep kissing her. And then, he starts to pull away and … hold up, is that a sheep?

I wasn’t a huge fan of Angelea until after this episode. She really had confidence & worked it. I hope the stands up to the girls next week and doesn’t let them beat her down. It seems the jealousy & cat claws come off.