This I Believe

I believe…that I don’t care where the world came from. I don’t care whether there was “Big Bang” or a “Master Watchmaker”. I just want people to get along.

Call me shallow. Lacking depth. I don’t care. You see, I’m married to an atheist. And he makes a strong, logical case against the idea of a Supreme Being. He points out how much wrong religion has brought to the world: wars over religious beliefs; intolerance of anyone who doesn’t fit the “Christian” mold; blind obedience to less-than-noble clergy– the list goes on and on.

And yet, I have four siblings who are all deeply religious. And they point out the good parts of religion to me— sermons about kindness and love, avoiding temptation, practicing forgiveness.

And I am stuck in the middle, and I hate it. I’m tired of the back and forth e-mails supporting one view or the other. I hate the awkwardness of family visits where people I love have such vastly different world views. Who am I to side with? Which position should I choose?

I know what you’re thinking. “You don’t have to choose”. But you see, I’m a developmental psychologist, and a strong supporter of Erik Erikson’s belief that a primary task of life is to “know oneself”—to form an identity. And part of that journey is figuring out what I believe about something as important as where we all came from, and whether our lives are guided by a “Higher Power” or not. And I am currently in “moratorium”on this issue — still exploring and never quite able to commit one way or the other. This is an anxious, lonely place to be.

I have tried church. I really have. But every time I think I’m making it (i.e., doing what I “should” do, feeling how I “should” feel), the minister says something that pisses me off or confuses me to no end, and I’m lost again. I sometimes wonder if I will ever truly “find Jesus”. And if finding him means acting as intolerant, rule-oriented, and dogmatic as I see so many Christians being, I’m not sure I want to.

But then comes my mother’s voice. “You don’t have to be that kind of Christian. You can go to a liberal church. You can interpret the bible as you see fit. Embrace the goodness of Jesus—the kindness, the love. Ignore what you disagree with”.

Oh, I like that! But unfortunately, then my sister’s voice comes to me: “The Bible is the Word of God”. Not sure I want to argue with the most powerful being in the universe (God, not my sister). J

And so there you have it. And that is why I’ve decided that I truly don’t care where the world came from. I just want people here on this earth now, today, to start treating each other with kindness and respect. To show kindness wherever they can, to whomever they can. To live a “good life”.

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This week’s essay

Growing up in the former Yugoslavia, lawyer Djenita Pasic enjoyed the peace of her religiously diverse country. But after the fall of communism and the outbreak of the Bosnian War, Pasic was forced to reevaluate her ideas about religion and tolerance. Click here to read her essay.