Sunday, December 13, 2015

A more realistic — and not to mention a much shorter and safer — version is to play the game during one movie, preferably the classic trilogy. Trust me, even if you only use the first half of the guidelines or your 10 favorites; you'll be drinking. A lot!

Now that I think about it, maybe the best and only way to enjoy the so-so prequels is to watch them while drinking alcohol. Maybe being drunk is the only way to enjoy the sterile and far inferior trilogy. … Huh.

The basic rule of a drinking game is easy: You drink whenever a character does a certain action or whenever a certain situation arises.

Now for the sake of being clear, I'm not a drinker and I didn't come up with the "Star Wars" Drinking Game. But it has some very funny rules — especially if you know anything about the saga and its characters.

I can't get past the taste of any alcoholic beverage, much less the smell. The only beer I drink is the very rare Angry Orchard (basically because it's a hard cider and tastes more like apple juice than beer); my drink of choice is Dr. Pepper and when that's not available, I choose something close, such as Cherry Coke or Mr. Pibb.

As far as the "Star Wars" Drinking Game goes, I stumbled across it in college, when the Internet was in its dark ages in the early 1990s. Accessing the 'Net through windows hadn't even been considered yet and getting logged on wasn't about simply clicking on an icon on your computer desktop; it was an awkward matter of typing in a code. Basically, the Internet at that point mostly consisted of chat rooms and had no visuals.

Photo by JAMIE STEWART/CARY'S COMICS CRAZE
Meme by Aaron Dees

Anyway, I printed out the rules to the "Star Wars" Drinking Game as soon as I found it, but I have no idea where they are. That was "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. …" But the Force is strong with this lifelong "Star Wars" fan, so it's easy to remember the rules.

Since many of these rules are original to me and this is based on the original version, consider this the Cary's Comics Craze variation of the "Star Wars" Drinking Game. Enjoy, have fun, be safe — and may the Force be with you!:

Drink whenever:

A Stormtrooper or clone trooper misses what he was shooting at.

C-3PO complains or is flustered.

Threepio and R2-D2 are onscreen together.

Princess Leia obviously isn't wearing a bra.

Darth Vader is onscreen with Leia or Luke Skywalker — but doesn't acknowledge or know they're his kids.

A bad guy wears white.

A good guy wears black.

Vader tries to kill Luke or Leia.

Threepio calls Chewbacca or Artoo a derogatory name.

The Force is mentioned.

Obi-Wan Kenobi stretches the truth and/or talks about how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader "from a certain point of view."

An Imperial officer is choked by Vader using The Force.

Threepio or another character loses a limb or body part.

A character speaks in something other than English (or Galactic Standard, for you rules-obsessed, over-thinking, sci-fi nerds!).

Han Solo is being cocky or arrogant. Chewie growls.

Han or Leia mention Jabba the Hutt or Han's bounty.

Someone makes a joke or comment about the Millennium Falcon's shortcomings.

The Falcon undergoes repairs or malfunctions.

Han or Lando Calrissian is about to "make the jump to lightspeed."

A Death Star or Alderaan blows up.

Someone has "a bad feeling about this."

Leia kisses Luke.

Artoo plugs into a computer terminal or saves several people's lives.

One of the characters has "delusions of grandeur."

The Force is strong with someone.

"It's not my fault."

When a TIE fighter spins out of control.

An X-Wing or Rebel Alliance pilot checks in OR their codename is mentioned.