GONE IN 60 SECONDSRated PG-13 - Running Time: 1:58 - Released 6/9/00Gone In 60 Seconds is the kind of movie that makes
you embarrassed for the actors. You watch it in the same way you
watch a bully pick on the school geek; you cringe with sympathetic
humiliation, you don't want to be witness to the ugly spectacle,
but you're entranced by some kind of morbid fascination, knowing
the next line will make you groan even louder. This film is supposed
to be sexy and action-packed; instead, it's vapid, ill-conceived,
and gut-wrenchingly pretentious.

Gone is loosely based on the 1974 German film Die
Blegh-Piraten, which was more about smashing cars than stealing
them (93 cars were reportedly crashed within its 97-minute running
time). Perhaps that film's charm was based on the fact that it
didn't try to be intelligent. Written by Scott Michael Rosenberg,
creator of High Fidelity
(good) and Disturbing Behavior
(bad), and Toby Halicki, who had a part in writing the 1974 smash-up
version, Gone tries to convince us that "Memphis"
Raines (Cage) and his crew are intelligent, glamorous, professional
car thieves, full of wit and savvy, but Rosenberg's script and
Dominic Sena's sophomoric directing hamstring any credibility
the actors can muster.

Memphis and his whole gang, which includes Robert Duvall, Angelina
Jolie, and Will Patton, have gotten out of the car-stealing racket
and gone clean. But when Memphis's younger brother Kip (Giovanni
Ribisi) gets himself in too deep, they must all go back into the
business to save him. Super-baddie Raymond Colitri (Christopher
Eccleston) has ordered 50 cars, including everything from reconditioned
vintage sports models to brand-new minivans. If he doesn't get
them in 3 days, Kip will be executed. The standard contract. None
of Cage's reformed criminals seems very reluctant to jump back
into a life of crime, but they each say a few unconvincing lines
about having retired before they start the job. Soon they're all
scouting out the cars, giving them women's names (ugh), and not
only do they have the deadline to deal with, but they are constantly
fending off attacks from another car-theft mob and eluding Memphis's
old nemesis, Det. Roland Castlebeck (Delroy Lindo).

One thing kept crossing my mind during this scenario: do the
cars still count if you total them before they're shipped
off to the buyer? Being shot at, driving them through plate glass
windows, jumping them over a quarter-mile-long line of stopped
traffic . . . doesn't this kind of behavior decrease their possible
selling price? But I can understand why the actors weren't paying
attention to their driving  they were probably too horrified
at the stupidity of the script to watch the road. Okay, okay,
I can admit there are some fun chases, but talking to dashboards,
stroking fenders, using War's "Low Rider" as a meditation
piece, and reguarly referring to the automobiles as "ladies"?
Please. I was getting carsick after 20 minutes, and I was sitting
still. *½