REVIEW: Pepsi Special (Japan)

Oh sure, Japanese scientists did research on dextrin, which is in Pepsi Special, and learned that it prevented rats from absorbing the fat they ate and because of that the cola has been designated as a “Food for Specified Health Uses” by the Japanese government.

Well, I aced several tests in the first grade that involved reading at a higher level than all my other classmates, being able to put the square block into the square hole, and drawing trees that looked like trees, all of which designated me for a gifted and talented class.

But look at me now. I could’ve been a doctor, lawyer, pharmaceutical salesperson, or an actor who plays a doctor, lawyer or pharmaceutical salesperson, but the only real accomplishments I’ve had are barely graduating from college, not getting arrested for anything, eating an entire large Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza in one sitting, and not having watched a minute of James Cameron’s Titanic.

I don’t know if the pressure of being labeled as “special” got to me or the years of praise caused my ego to become so large that my arrogance destroyed almost every meaningful relationship I’ve had, leaving me as an empty shell of my former self, but whatever happened I’ve learned that being labeled “special” doesn’t guarantee success.

Pepsi Special should look at my paunch and unshaven face and realize that it could be me in the future. I don’t know what the beverage equivalent of being overweight, unshaven, and sitting in your underwear writing junk food reviews is, but whatever it is, Pepsi Special won’t feel special.

Besides the dextrin and the fancy stamp of approval from Japan’s National Institute of Health and Nutrition, which looks like someone at the front of a boat yelling “I’m the king of the world,” was there anything else special about Pepsi Special?

Yes, Pepsi Special smelled like Pepsi Next and, this is probably a bit blasphemous, it tasted like Coke Zero.

I enjoyed its cola flavor. It didn’t have a strong artificial sweetener flavor like Diet Pepsi and it was nowhere close to being as syrupy sweet as regular Pepsi, but it definitely tasted more like a diet cola. The dextrin didn’t affect the cola’s viscosity in any way and it just blended in with the flavor of the cola.

As for the claims that Pepsi Special will prevent the absorption of the fat in the foods we eat, it’s hard for me to determine if it’s doing anything because I only purchased two bottles. Heck, it’s also hard for me to tell if there are any benefits because I’m not a scientist. I could’ve been one, just like I could’ve been a doctor, lawyer, pharmaceutical salesperson, or an actor who plays a doctor, lawyer or pharmaceutical salesperson, but instead I have to settle for a clean driving abstract.

Stuffing five grams of fiber into a cola that doesn’t taste like it has five grams of fiber is impressive. Although, I wouldn’t recommend drinking a lot of Pepsi Special in one day because the combination of carbonation and fiber can’t be good for both end of the digestive system.

Item: Pepsi Special (Japan)Purchased Price: $4.95Size: 490 mlPurchased at: eBayRating: 7 out of 10Pros: Pleasant cola flavor, if you enjoy low- or zero-calorie Pepsi colas. A bottle has more than 5 grams of fiber. Making diet cola healthy. Being one the of few people on Earth who hasn’t seen Titanic. Cons: Only available in Japan and on eBay. Hard to determine if the dextrin is doing its job. If you don’t enjoy low- or zero-calorie colas, you won’t like it. Drinking too much of it might turn you into a burp and fart machine.

i thought i was the only one who never cared to see titanic! SPOILER: the boat sinks. in conclusion, when the government collapses & you’re appointed supreme leader, please consider me for your second in command. thx.