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Purple Martians: A Science Report by Anemone Flynn

Just playing around with a prompt from my brother on Facebook … Forgive the lack of serious research!

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Purple Martians are from Mars. Mars is the fourth planet away from the Sun, or Sta, as they call it. Most of the Martians are green, but some are purple. Their skin is purple because they had a war, and some of them got poisoned.

Some scientists say that the purple skin is not actually because they were poisoned, it is actually just a sun burn. Some people on Facebook say if they were not poisoned, then why are they here? They think this is just an alien invasion because they want our cows. I don’t know what Martians would do with cows, but I think maybe they want cheeseburgers. Martians have never had cheeseburgers, because they only ate fish on Mars. They ate their fish raw like sushi, so maybe they will like Japanese food better than cheeseburgers, or maybe they are ready for a change.

The purple Martians believed that there was life on Earth, the third planet from the Sun in the solar system. We live on Earth, so of course they were right. They call Earth blue in their language because it looks like a blue star in their sky. Some people call Mars ‘The Red Planet,’ and Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote books about a man going to Mars that is now a movie. But he didn’t know the right aliens to put on that planet. Some of his aliens are red, but they look just like people otherwise. Real Martians are supposed to be green, but they don’t have extra arms like the ones John Carter meets.

Purple Martians are shaped just like green Martians except when they are missing parts because of the war. Purple Martians came to Earth in ships when they were losing the war, so a lot of them are injured. There are a few that still look green, but not very many. Not very many Martians came to Earth anyways, because not very many were interested in studying the real sky. Most Martians don’t bother with the real sky, they just live in their underwater caves and hunt fish.

The Martians don’t speak our language, but they are learning to write it. When the first people met Martians, they tried to communicate by drawing pictures. That must have been confusing for the Martians, because they don’t have a written language on Mars. Instead, they leave messages with each other or as squealing sounds with a kind of fish that will repeat back the last thing that was said to it. It is like a parrot, but it can’t fly. In the ocean under the surface of Mars, there isn’t anything to write with that will last very long, because the water washes it away.

CBS did a story on the purple Martians, and they said that the green Martians won’t come here, because they don’t believe we exist. But some people think they will come after the purple Martians to kill them because they are still mad.

I have never met a purple Martian, but I have seen pictures of them on the Internet. My friend Carl said he saw one and touched it, but I think he is lying. Nobody would actually touch a Martian. They have tentacles and their skin is all slimy because they live in an underground ocean. Martians don’t breathe air like humans, instead they have to have special water like Mars water to breathe or they will drown on air. My mom said that she thinks they look a bit like Cthulhu, who is a fictional god written by H.P. Lovecraft.

The Martians are showing us how they built their ships to travel through space. They are very interesting, and the outside has shiny spots because it is made of a nacreous substance. Nacreous means shell-like, and it is like what clams use to build their shells. The Martians grew their ships underwater and then used natural gases to propel them out of the atmosphere and towards Earth when we were close enough. It took them 203 days to get here and it will be one more Earth year before Mars will be close to us again and we can send ships there or get attacked. Mars comes close to Earth about every two Earth years, which is the best time to send ships back and forth. A year on Mars is 687 days long, which is twice as long as a year on Earth.

NASA scientists are trying to use their robots called Opportunity and Curiosity to find out where the Martians broke through the crust of their planet to come to Earth. They say that the ocean must be very close to the planet’s core and it is probably very cold. The Martians say that Earth is warm and that we are crazy to live on the surface where rocks from space might break our houses. Mars doesn’t have a very thick atmosphere, which means that meteors and other space rocks hit the ground more often than they do here.

When I grow up I am going to go to Mars to study their fish because I think talking fish are really cool and I want to see what else lives up there. But it will be cold, and it will be a while until I am old enough to go to Mars so for now I am going to read about everything the NASA scientists and other scientists learn from the purple Martians so that I will be ready when there is an expedition.

The End.

About Anemone

I am Anemone Flynn. Sometimes psychotic, usually funny, trying to be clever, writing when I feel like it. I am a fictional and artistic pen name, a web lurker, a contributor, and all around friendly gal. Read more ...