Archive for the ‘kids’ Category

I got my go ahead for my tubal litigation. I’m not sure how to feel about this. Happy? Sad? Maybe a little gassy, but I’m gonna blame that on my ulcer, Squirmy. Sitting in the consult room with my gyno, so many emotions went through me. I was more than thrilled (and a bit surprised) when he said that he would do it, although he made it quite clear he was prepared to tell me no even before meeting me. I was prepared for that. I’m used to older adults making decisions for me with regards to my health. For the most part I’m okay with that. But when it comes to my choice (or lack thereof) to have kids, I try and make it clear that me, myself and I are the only people who makes those choices. Not some 70 year old man who’s been sticking his fingers in ladies cooters for the past 40 years.

That being said (or written) I’m also a little sad. Maybe it’s my period (it very well could be, I cry over the ferrets shitting in corners like they always do) maybe it’s just the primal female in me that is finally starting to mourn the inability to conceive and have kids. I said primal so suck it. I’ve never been a kid person, sure, I like kids, but I never really ever pictured myself having them. I only pictured peanut butter smeared all over our tv (hubby words, not mine) not being able to sleep till noon (I actually woke up at 0930 today, hubby didn’t believe me when I told him) and getting fat. Which I already am. So whatever.

I was reading my cousin Kristen’s blog earlier. Catching up really, I haven’t read it in several months, and a lot has happened to her, not a lot for the better and most if it involving her kids (read it here, please send happy thoughts). Long story short, Kristen and her husband Ted were in the process of adopting 3 small children when their paternal grandmother decided to sue for custody. After seven months and taking them to Korea (her hubby is military) the woman has the gall to do this to them. So they literally have to give the kids back. It’s so sad.

This is hard to me to watch/read because 1.) because I’m adopted and my bio dad pulled the same asshole stunt and 2.) because adoption is a very real possibility to James and myself. Just because I’m having my tubes tied does not mean that kids are not in our future. I have stated more than once to more than one person that adoption is a viable option and I would prefer it than having my own kids. I’m simply lucky enough (in a way) that I have RA and since I like walking and my meds don’t play well with unborn kiddies, those kiddies are out of the question. Or womb. Whichever.

Anyway. That is a foster/adopter(?) parents worse nightmare. I can’t even comprehand what they are going through. I’m so angry for them. I honestly want to find that old lady and shake her. But these are not my kids, and this really isn’t any of my business.

“no one will ever know love until they have a child” Or some shit like that. Really? Like, really really? Do you know me Mommy Breeder? I’m assuming you don’t, (which you don’t) since not only am I married (so therefore I must be loved to a certian degree) have a mother who sends me text messages on every Thursday night to say hello (which I’m sure Hitler didn’t do at any labor camp, he didn’t send them love notes) or have a dog wake you up at one am to be petted (that’s not love, that’s seperation anxiety)

But no. Since I’ve never had to deal with three am feedings ( my dog has a strict 3x daily diet) been shat on, and my vagina has not been sacrificed to some unforgiving god who demands a vaginal sacrifice, I have no idea what it’s like to be loved unconditionally.

I like kids. Hell, I work in a fucking toy store. But I don’t like being belittled for not having kids. I don’t want them. Neither does my husband. I like sex, money and a vagina that doesn’t yawn. I like my trendy babyless car and my disorganized babyless life.

You are a total stranger and you have no right to convince me that I want kids when I have never wanted them for all the reasons I have just stated. You are More than welcome to continue to bear children and raise your family as you see fit. I’m not going to convice you to give one up for adoption so your kid will have the same experince as I did growing up.

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