Real Talk 6: Looks fucking matter

This is probably the ultimate rant which I think all of ya’ll can relate to. And I hope you like my shameless selfie. I feel so proud and disgusted with myself at the same time!

Looks fucking matter.

It honestly grinds my gears when people aggressively critique each other for being “superficial” as one party or the other focuses on the external appearance of somebody i.e. liking somebody for their looks.

Many have been the times I was lambasted for liking a girl who I think is “hot”, or more specifically, pleasing to my eyes.

And I think that’s absolute bullshit. It’s funny though, because the loudest critics in this issue are usually the fat, ugly ones who look tired all the time and put in zero effort to look good.

You heard that right. Harsh. I know. But as I show no mercy on this topic, so too should people on the other side (whoever the fuck you are) show no excuses for their lifestyle

Why looks matter

1. Because people are judgmental

This is truth. This is a fact. Everybody is guilty of this. You judge. I judge. We make snappy ones too on first look.

And that is not necessarily a bad thing. It only a defense mechanism.

But you’re probably crying now and thinking this is indeed a bad thing. You think, “We are all human and we should love each other! We shouldn’t judge based on looks!”

Whatever you crybaby, but I’ll give you that anyway. You make one small valid point among many.

The key difference here is whether you want to make use of this fact of life to make yourself better and further your ambitions, or you can simply continue being a little bitch who complains non-stop.

It’s all about first impressions.

That’s how the world works. Deal with it. We all wish it’s a perfect world where we can instantly look into a person’s character based on both looks and other deeper factors to form a balanced perception of somebody, but that’s not how it is. So grow up and let this shit go.

Use the fact of judgement to improve your life. Use it to create a good impression for yourself. On the flip side, use it to repel assholes. Personally, I can’t be fucked to continue a conversation with somebody I just met if they happen to say, be extremely rude to the waiter. It’s not a loss for me. I can easily meet other people.

Or as said, you can continue to be a little bitch who’s just a whiner.

2. Because it’s a force to better your life

If you think your character and past experience is all you need in a job interview, you must be deluded. You need to dress up and look good for the interviewers, not show up with a dirty shirt and smelly hair.

If you think your talking skills are enough to approach that girl at the bar all the while your breath stinks and you’re wearing running shoes with jeans, you must be crazy. Be prepared to be single and lonely.

If you think you can give fitness advice when you’re a fat fuck (I’ve heard of stories like these), you must be nuts if you expect to be taken seriously.

Hence forth, looking good is a reflection of your character, values and overall attitude towards life. All of this will dictate your lifestyle and yes, you can bet people are creating judgement in their head based on what they see of you already.

In other words, how important you think looking good matters is how much you give a shit about yourself and your well-being. Go back to the first point to learn how you want to use this wisely.

The fact is: Anybody can look good if they put in the effort. So whatever you think of that person in the mirror, there’s always room for improvement. Why should you ever stagnate?

Once you choose to stagnate, people will judge MORE. For example, I am only attracted to girls who are slim. That’s how I am. I am down to be friends with girls who are overweight or on the chubby side, but I will not respect her, or anybody for that matter if they actively choose not to improve their health and fitness, but instead choose to come up with excuses, “It’s my genes” or “It’s too hard” or some shit.

3. Because it’s all about attraction and you can’t help that shit

Lo and behold. We are puppets. We think we are in control, when we are not.

As I wrote in this article before, Why women date assholes, attraction is not a choice. You feel what you feel. You think what you think. Your perception is based on judgement, which is based on looking at somebody’s appearance. Why? Because you’re not a fucking mind reader! If you try to read minds, then you’re judging way too much and deluding yourself, to which it will never serve to benefit you.

Now, who’s the judgmental asshole?

It is what it is! Attraction isn’t a choice, so just have some fun with it. Go vibe with that person. Talk to them. Relax. That’s it.

On the flip side, again, go back to the first point to see how you can use this idea of attraction to your own advantage.

4. Because it is how you finally realize it doesn’t matter

Look man. I’m a fucking good looking dude. I knew that since I was young. My entire family and whoever I met along way when I was younger always told me that.

But I was a fucking dork all the way up till I hit my twenties.

I spotted long, floppy fringe cause I emulated boyband members. I was guilty of wearing track shoes with jeans. I had zero confidence with girls. I knew nothing about proper etiquette and body language which made me a very unlikable person.

As such, I wasted my looks. I had no inner game. I was a zero, not a hero. The biggest drawback was that I lacked so much confidence that I’d look up to other people and never believe in myself.

That is what happens when you don’t give a shit about how you look, regardless of whether you look pleasant or not. You will never gain enough confidence in yourself to conquer the social game, which will subsequently spread over into other parts of your life.

So… I knew I looked good. But I had nothing going on for me. In that sense, looks ultimately didn’t matter at all. Get it?

That is why you need to work on all parts of your life too and not think that your supposed good looks will carry you all the way in life.

Yet, you have to stop obsessing over your looks. No, I’m not contradicting myself here. Taking care of yourself is okay. Being obsessed over any part of your life is not.

I once dated a girl who was really pretty to me. The only problem was her self-esteem was ridiculously bad. She’d force herself to purge whatever food she felt she shouldn’t have eaten. She wasn’t bulimic or anything. She just thought it was okay to do that. I found that behavior really disgraceful and disrespectful to those who actually had a real problem.

How is that attractive?

5. Because you’ll learn how its subjectivity can make you learn shit about yourself and grow as a person

I honestly don’t know why this has to be said, but it seems like a lot of stupid people out there don’t seem to get it.

Beauty is subjective. Looks are subjective. It is in the eye of the fucking beholder.

What is considered hot, attractive, pretty or gorgeous to me may be considered downright ugly to other guys.

What is considered fat and obese may be considered “more love to handle” to others. And yes, those are real words told to me before, with much zest.

I personally have been called ugly, nerdy, average-looking or immature-looking (whatever that means) while other girls seem magnetized towards me even after I just farted.

If your standard of looking good, be it on yourself and how you see others is based off others’ standards, then you’re doing it wrong. I’ve friends who reject girls they clearly like just because their own friends influenced them to think that she is “ugly.” This is by far one of the stupidest, and most pitiful things I’ve come across.

In this sense, you can learn and grow as a person as you take on beauty as a factor.

Stick to your own standards. Don’t give a shit about what others think. Go for who you want.

And again, stick to your own standards and be confident about who you are and how you look. One person’s bad opinion of you shouldn’t shake your entire world.

Beauty is obviously subjective. This article is very subjective. I even had trouble writing about it.

It’s always goes full circle. But the point is, to use that damn circle and always further your own life so you can keep growing.

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Yo! This is Alden Tan. And this is the blog that is honest as fuck. Why honest? Because I've no time for bullshit. I write about self-improvement in all areas in life and I won't skim on the truth. I'm in your face. Sometimes, I write tales of fiction too.
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