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Doctors are often criticised for failing to communicate adequately with their patients and for using medical jargon. But what about “patient speak” — those words that are nearly what we thought we meant? This collection of medical mispronunciations has been carefully recorded in a notebook (yes, one from a pharmaceutical company) kept in the top drawer of a suburban general practitioner's desk, and edited over dinner by the medical members of the family: we share them with you for the festive season.

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