5 Ways to RUIN a Date

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Things seem to be going well: He held your hand through the entire movie. He laughed in all the right places over pizza. He's even taking the superlong way back to your house. All in all the night's been one to remember, but all that could change in an instant if you freak him out.

Huh? Why/how would I freak him out?!

Sometimes early in relationships, it's better to proceed with caution — often the male species spooks easily at such junctures. Our advice if you like the guy? Play it cool. If things work out and you develop a solid relationship, there'll be plenty of time to play by your rules and speak your mind. This is not to say that you need to compromise your feelings, just that maybe you should play things as they lay for a while and enjoy the moment.

That said, here are 5 tips on how not to rock the first-date boat.

1. DO NOT OVERANALYZE THE RELATIONSHIP

The word relationship might roll off your tongue quite easily. But most guys freak out when they hear it. They think, Oh, no. Why does she want to go and spoil things by bringing this up?! Unlike most girls, a lot of guys feel awkward and uneasy when it comes to discussing emotional issues. Part of the problem is that they haven't had as much practice at it as girls have, so they don't feel like they're very good at it. They also often think that when a girl wants to talk about a relationship, she really means she wants to pick him apart, expose all his flaws, and make him feel like a toad. If you really feel you need to talk about the relationship, try a softer approach. Avoid issuing an order like, "We need to talk about us," which most guys find terrifying. Instead, try a more specific statement like, "For the last week or so, I've noticed this has been happening, and so I've been thinking this. How do you see it?" By staying low-key, you may help your guy to open up and recognize that talking about feelings doesn't have to feel weird.

When a guy hears you badmouth the way you look, he feels trapped in a no-win situation. He knows that if he says, "Well, yeah. You could stand to lose a few pounds," he's going to upset you. And if he says, "C'mon! You look fine to me," you'll think he's just saying that to make you feel good. So why even ASK appearance-related questions in the first place?

Probably because you're looking for some kind of reassurance from him. A hint that he finds you attractive. Or that it's your inner beauty — not your outer physique — that's won him over.

While there's nothing wrong with wanting a compliment, it's best not to fish for one. Guys get tired of hearing girls ask lame, obvious questions like, "Do you like my hair this way?" or "Does this dress look dumb?" or "Do you notice anything different about me?" It makes them think that a girl's insecure, and they don't want to feel responsible for bolstering her self-image all the time.

If a guy doesn't shower you with compliments, don't assume the worst. Just because he doesn't say nice things to you doesn't mean he doesn't think them. So rather than force the issue, look for other signs that he's interested in you.

Does he break into a big grin whenever he sees you? Does he pay attention when you talk? Does he do little things like go out of his way to walk by your locker, or call you just to tell you to turn on your TV because there's a great movie on cable? Anyone can lay the compliments on thick. But when it comes to relationships, actions speak louder than words.

3. ACTING LIKE A PARTY GIRL

If you think guys notice girls who drink or do drugs, you're right. It's hard to ignore a girl who staggers around, slurring her words, cigarette in one hand, a beer in the other. But that kind of attention probably isn't the kind you want to attract. "I've known some girls who act really wild because they think that's what guys like," says Jason, 15, of Wilmington, N.C. "But the kind of girl I'm interested in is one who can have fun without getting wasted."

4. BRINGING UP YOUR EX

It's natural to compare a guy you're now dating to an old flame. In fact, such comparisons can help you figure out what you find appealing about someone or help you to avoid making the same mistake twice. But you don't need to fill your date in on your observations. So what if he and your ex wear the same cologne? What's the point in telling him that your ex was also really nervous the first time he met your dad? Such comments only serve to confuse a guy or, worse, give him a complex. Don't believe it? Consider how tortured you'd feel if your date started comparing you to his ex!

5. CRITIQUING HIS APPEARANCE

You're just trying to be helpful, right? Like when you point out how much better he'd look if he wore something besides those ratty sneakers. Or cut his hair like Justin Timberlake's.

You may think you're doing a guy a favor when you're 100 percent honest with him. But remember, there's a difference between being honest and being tactful. If you find yourself obsessing over the fact that your guy could look SO MUCH better (or make better grades, or be more popular, or whatever), consider whether it could be YOU who needs to change. You may be so hung up on your image as a couple that you've forgotten why you're a couple in the first place. If that's the case, try to stop looking at your guy through critical eyes. It'll do your heart — and your relationship — good!