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Q: I'm so furious at my colleague who threw me under the bus in front of my entire team.

We have to present together to our client next week. How can I work with him when all I want to do is drive over him?

A: Sacrificing a colleague is a cheap temporary solution when the bus is heading directly for him. A convenient scapegoat deflects attention from their mistakes. Running scared creates reactive, short sighted and hurtful actions.

Retaliating may feel better in the short term, but a pedestrian rarely wins when he goes head to head with a bus. It just creates more carnage.

Replay the situation and identify what you can take responsibility for in the situation.

There is always something. What did you do or not do that allowed you to be cast in a bad light? Find some truth - even if it is only two per cent - in the person's accusation. As painful as this may be, the self reflection can be a catalyst for huge learning.

Now you have found a starting point to clear the air between you. Take the leader role and book a meeting with your colleague. Open with stepping up and owning your part. Explain why it happened and apologize for your unintended impact. Share what you learned from the situation and what steps you will take to avoid a recurrence. Request his assistance and support.

The bystanders are still watching to see if the runaway bus could take them out, too. Your responsiveness can reinstate the team's trust and confidence in you and your leadership.

Joni Mar is a Vancouver based Master Certified Executive Coach who works with leaders and their teams. She can be reached at 604-261-3809 or www.JoniMar.com

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