I am a chink. I have small eyes
and a flat forehead and a natural talent for Maths. I love rice and I eat it
every day. My culture boasts a wonderful array of food. Do you love Chinese
food? Let me introduce you to my local cuisine! This chicken rice is soft and
tender like it should be. Here, try this ginger paste. Is it not exotic?
Swallow it up, feel the kick. It's made by real Asians; it is indeed yellow
enough. This has the official stamp of authenticity from me, I would know.
These are rice noodles. We call it bee hoon, or mi fen. It really is "Asiany".
Here, have it with chopsticks! Yes, I know you feel like you're in China/
Malaysia/ Singapore/ Indonesia right now. I am very happy for your culinary
journey into my lands. Congratulations!

I am very small, and I'll be your innocent, submissive, hypersexualized
china doll any day. I am a geisha in a cheongsam and I come from a culture of
oppressed women. Liberate me, just like your ancestors did in the wars before!
From the clutches of the yellow kung fu masters and their Asian rice dicks! My
sideways vagina welcomes your big white penis. Asian sex is of a whole other
dimension, we know this because "Asian" is always a different category of porn.

I speak in a funny accent. Sometimes I stammer, sometimes I stop to
think before I speak. I thank you very much for your patience, for trying to
understand my foreign babbling. Of course this means that I learn English as a
second language. I am a person with no first language. I am only fluent enough
in my native tongue to prove that I have retained my Asian roots, so that you
can see: I am no twinkie, nor am I a banana. I am a real Asian. I can read well
enough to decipher your new tattoo (and regret to inform you that your butt
cheek now says "hot soup".)

I see you already have a Mexican friend, a black buddy, and a Latino for
company. Collect me too! Let me be a part of your racially diverse social
circle. When people call you a racist, tell them to talk to me! I am a chink.

(And all this time when I speak in my head I hear a blond American, and
the only stories I could write were about white people.)