Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Transition for Parents of College Bound Students

By Candace Powell Kinard

Parenting Young Adults. If this is your first child going off to college,
understand that things will be different. As you know, children are
growing and maturing and will develop their own believes and opinions in the
process. Their experience in college will promote an even greater
opportunity for them to experience new things and form even more thoughts and
opinions. As a parent, this is where you begin to learn how to
communicate with your children as they are developing into young adults. Treating
them as if they are the same or as if they are still kids, will likely create
an awkward relationship, stress the communication or cause strife in your
household. Learn who they are as they grow and how to communicate with
them. This can be done while still having rules, structure and being a
parent.

Discuss Your Expectations Before Your Student Leaves.

Suggested discussion topics:

New House rules- If they intend to commute to college and living at home or
when the students come home during breaks, what are the new or remaining house
rules and expectations. It is likely that rules will change though they
still live at home. They will need space and room to grow and mature.

House chores– If student live at
home or come home for visits, don’t expect that they will have the same amount
of time they had while in high school. Academic expectations in college
are much more demanding and the freshman year is all about learning time
management. Poor time management is the number one reason that students
are not successful in the freshman year and end up with poor grades or are
dismissed. Discuss their responsibilities of being a member of the family
and of the house and compromise on their household responsibilities.

How late to stay out and come in- College students inevitably become night
owls which may or may not work well when they come home. Establish rules
and guidelines that take into consideration and are fair to all members of the
family. Remind them that younger siblings are watching and paying
attention to their actions and choices.

Communicating with Family- If they intend to live on campus, discuss the importance of
communicating back home to family (and friends). Encourage them to
connect with family back home in order for you to hear how they are doing, but
also because it’s important for them to hear your supportive voice every now
and then. Don’t push, prod or dig for information. Let them
share. If there are younger siblings in the family they may feel the
loss as well. Though they may like the break, the younger sibling(s) will
feel good if the older sibling periodically takes some interest in what’s going
on in their younger sibling’s life too. Sharing what it’s like to be a
college student will also be great lessons for the younger sibling. (just
don’t ask about everything they talk about- give them some space -remember your
college days – and you will understand that there are just some things you
don’t want to know about)

Academics –Let them know you are supportive and remind them of any
academic standards you have as a family or goals they have set for themselves.
Discuss that if they are federal financial aid recipients they are required to
maintain at least a 2.0 GPA to remain a recipient. If they have
scholarships that require that they maintain a particular GPA, review again
each scholarship and their requirements to remain eligible.

Finishing and
graduating from college are the ultimate goal. However, so many students
don’t get there for a variety of reasons and much of the lack of understanding
starts in the freshman year. Finances are definitely at the top of the
list of challenges. So keep the search for funding and scholarships going
throughout their years in college. (more on that in future newsletters.)
Critical to the student’s success, however, is having an understanding of the
rules, regulations and guidelines established by the campus. Including
what options exist to drop an undesired class and register for a new on and
what are the consequences of dropping classes, how many credits are needed to
graduate generally and in their major, how is a GPA calculated,
etc. It’s important to understand where students can get additional help
if needed and they should be aware of whether professors available for
assistance and when, where they can get tutoring, etc.

Budget and finance – Review all financial aid documents and
arrangements. The financial aid office may not be contacting parents
directly anymore and will likely ask questions directly of the
student (see FERPA topic below). Make sure they understand how their
financial aid works, their responsibilities and that they feel comfortable
calling you right away with questions.

Student Debt Cards and Money Issues: Discuss also what access to money the
student will have while at college. Settle on reasonable spending dollar
amounts and what to do in an emergency. (no – a new hoodie from the
school store is not an emergency) Check with your bank for shared checking
accounts (you open a new and separate account, you deposit money and the
student has access to the account using a debit card), and debit cards
specifically for teens and college students. Good time to have the
conversation around being responsible with money.

Moral issues including dating and sex – While awkward, and depending on your
relationship with your child, no doubt these issues could pose a
challenge. Better to try to broach the subject now than to find that the
student has found themselves in a comprising situation. Is your student
leaving a girl/boy friend at home? What are their intentions? Sexual
abuse is a very hot topic on college campuses right now as well. Students, both
male and female, need to feel comfortable, supported and should know where to
go for help. Have a candid conversation to remind students of any
family religious or other moral issues. Enlist the help of your
faith based community for guidance and resources. Most campuses also have
departments (student affairs, health center, counseling, etc.) that also
provide support and address these issues.

·

“Candace Powell Kinard is the Founder and Senior Consultant
of EduDreamer, a higher education consultancy designed to motivate, inspire and
assistant students and parents through the process of obtaining and paying for
a college education.” “From EduDreamer, “What You Should Be Doing Now”
Newsletter Summer 2015 Edition by Candace Powell Kinard. Reprinted by
permission of Candace Powell Kinard”

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About Me

I am currently the Associate Dean of Students in the College of Engineering at Villanova University. I am also CEO of SAJ Publishing Company. I have helped 1000's of students to graduate from high school and college. I am author of three books, "Seven Secrets of How to Study," the "Parent's Ultimate Education Guide" and the "Ultimate Scholarship Guide." My website is www.DrStephenJones.net