Reports that bill collectors will soon be descending on the Clinton campaign were met today with jubilation by an unlikely lot — top Clinton campaign staffers.

“Bill collectors? Really?” sobbed one senior member of the campaign, tears of joy streaming down her face “What took them so long! For the love of God, take him!”

Informed that the bill collectors wouldn’t be coming for Bill, the former president, but would be there, instead, to collect on bills long unpaid by their own campaign, HRC’s people went directly to the third stage of grief: bargaining.

“You make him disappear, we’ll get your janitors their puny salaries,” one top staffer was overheard saying, over the phone, to repo people. Moments later, the same staffer was heard shouting, “Who’s got the petty cash?”

Bill collectors did ultimately arrive at HRC campaign headquarters, just as staffers were reeling from another batch of bald-face lies by ex-POTUS, Bill Clinton. Those whoppers involved statements and actions related to the “harrowing” arrival in Tuzla of his wife (who is, incidentally, the one running for president, name’s Hillary).

Staffers, who off the record admitted the campaign had been going through interns like hot wings at a Super Bowl party, were hoping the bill collectors would return with reinforcements.

“Can you send some Penn collectors,” said one staffer, who insisted the porcine pollster had not stopped working on the campaign. “And a Wolfson collector would be awesome. And an Ickes collector — especially an Ickes collector.”

For their part, the bill collectors wondered why a couple that raked in $109 million over the last ten years would risk their reputation by welching on debts to mom and pop businesses and college marching bands.

“Do you think they raked in 109 million worrying about the little people?” said one staffer. “Besides, they don’t have much of a reputation to risk. At least not with sane people.”