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The Jedi Religion

Saw it on CNN's Headline News that over in England,that "1000's" put that down as a religion for a census I believe. I wonder what sort of worship is involved with that? Do you worship George Lucas or something else?

Me? Sometimes I can't stand organized religions that come trying to convert you. Like you aren't a moral person, or shouldn't be able to live with your conscience if you aren't just like them.

Well, maybe they got to me a little:

First we'll need to collect tithings from all the fans.

We'll need money, because we're going to go door to door dressed like the Emperor's Crimson Guards and take copies of the Holy Trilogy to give out to infidels and influence their children. Action figures will work extremely well in the latter capacity - and it's a miracle! Helliluyah! Finally a use for all those clearanced Darth Mauls....

By the way, of course we'll earn rankings amongst our most devout, and those of 'deciple' status will get the bicycles made to resemble speederbikes, manufactured back in the vintage '80's. Remember to wear your best black suit and don't forget your Dark Helmet. We must go about our Lord's business here on earth, being ever conscious of our safety. Carry the Hasbro lightsabers with you to use as a billyclub in rough neighborhoods.

Which by the way, brings me to one of the questions at hand: do we worship George? No we do not.

Clearly religion states that there can be only One Lord, Lord Vader.

And he gave his only begotten son's own right hand in sacrifice for our sins. Think about that the next time you shy away from prying your fingers through the sliding doors at Walmart's back entrance (by the lawn and garden center) so you could slip in at 6:55 and get to all the Star Wars figures first!

But while there is only one Lord, our beloved Master Vader, George Lucas was his Prophet. A vision came to him in the holy land, and once every day, before Walmart, Target, or Toys R Us, we must all turn towards Santa Clara, California, and pray. Pray that the racks won't be empty, or the Deluxe Bacta Luke will be stocked. Pray for forgiveness if you got Luke Speederbike out the back door for $12.44. But pray like a Sith! And hope at 7:01 the scalpers fall and twist their damned ankles if they're running in the aisles!

Now once we establish ourselves, we must build a church with our extra tithings (donations from our less scrupulous brothers' prophets on E-bay would greatly help).

The physical church should be a large green building matched and shaped like Master Yoda's head. It should be clearly visible from at least one major local highway in your area, so that it could be as offensive as possible to most non-fans. And bait for the curious. Inside will be shrines dedicated to our collections and private terminals for logging on to E-bay and communing with our fellow collectors. On Sundays, we should all gather there, dressed as Crimson Guards. Then after services, we should fan out to restaurants where infidels go after their religious services. Give them your valueless Decipher CCG extra cards and bless them in the name of our Lord. Imagine the joy you would feel if you were minding your own business with your wife and family after your familiar, boring infidel services, when members of the Church of Yoda suddenly came to your table dressed as Crimson Guards and silently offered to stack your deck either in favor of Light or Darkness!

We offer them Power!

What else should we do when we're organized? Community service is a proud endeavor for most organized religions. With our value placed on fascist consumerism, a little sacrafice could be made for Toys For Tots and other children's funds with the pegwarmers found in your worship areas. Beyond that, the media should be made aware of your organization you are representing, and the charitable contributions of the Star Wars community.

And respect for one another within our Church is paramount. Action figure deals on Church grounds or in the parking lots of places of worship and retail, should be all conducted according to Free Trade Laws and no scalping should be allowed. E-bay is permissible only after all local demand has been satisfied.

If you have further suggestions for the christening of a new Church of Yoda, please add to the holy writings you witness here.

Tycho, you are a heretic and hereby banished to the realm of the Discount Bin, where there will be a great wailing and gnashing of formerly-mint cards! The Holy Trilogy is George Lucas, Yoda, and the Midichlorians, all equal and separate entities all the same. Blasphemy! Kidding, kidding.

Here's what my newspaper had in their article, from the Associated Press:

He added that the office was not saying that Jedi Knight is an official religion. Jedi Knights are the warriors who battle evil through the ages in the "Star Wars" movies, in which Jedi is a force created by all living things.

"Jedi is a force created by all living things." ??? Huh? I miss something?

This is what the British broadcasting Corporation had to say on thissue of Jedi as religion:

"Jedi makes the census list

(Jedi is the faith espoused in the Star Wars films)

It's official: "Jedi Knight" is ON the list of religions for the 2001 UK census.
A campaign to get people to write the entry on their census forms has succeeded in the term being included on the list of religions, alongside Church of England, Roman Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu.

Sufficient numbers of people wrote the entry in for it to be allocated its own code for the census processing team to use.

But officials from the Office of National Statistics are keen to point out that just because Jedi Knight has been given its own code, that does not confer on it the status of official recognition.

"Presbyterian my real religion is"

"We are not defining what a religion or a faith might be," a spokeswoman said. "We are recognising what some may have entered on their census form and ensuring that our coding framework will cater for it."

Other religions which are included on the list, alongside the better known cases, are the Church of Free Love, Wiccan, Divine Lightmission, and Coleraine Christian Centre.

Shortly before the census last April, an e-mail was circulated in the UK stating that if 10,000 people put Jedi on the census form, it would become a "fully recognised and legal religion".

A similar thing had previously happened in New Zealand, when citizens were led to believe they needed 8,000 signatures to make Jedi an official religion.

Also on the list:
Druidism
Satanism
Free thinker
Wicca
Celtic Pagan

The list of religions - posted on the statistics office website, and available under "Internet links" - is simply the list of answers to the religion question.

It is not yet clear how many people will have written Jedi on their form, as the counting process is still going on. Results are to be published in Autumn 2002.

And even then, the information might not be easy to obtain, as it will not be published separately in the official census reports released by the statistics office. Anyone wishing to find out the number would need to commission a special report to be produced."

So the upshot is that yes, there is a listing of jedi in Britain but it counts for nothing in actuality. And the New Zealanders are more crazy than us UK people for starting it all off in the first place.