Female and male decisions implicating on intimate relationships and dynamics

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Male high value and good looks: and how to handle it

“If you can
take the positive traits from the good people you have met in your life and
eradicate the bad things learnt from those of arrogant nature, the chances are
you will form the most likeable of characters. And when you reach that point, you
may wonder why your attraction to those you love has not developed one step.”

Sometimes it can be forgiven for thinking life is difficult for
men. They’re taught by their mothers to
be good people and that life will in turn reward them for being this way. They try to look after themselves by eating
well, sleeping right and keeping fit at the gym. And then they attempt to be ambitious to make
the best of who they are. So all this
should ultimately make them more successful with women, shouldn’t it? Well in this generation maybe the third
factor remains true (if we were just to simply say this means getting a well
paid job), but unfortunately the first two factors can, if not executed in the
correct manner, have a total adverse effect on a man’s success rate.

Many writer or psychologists will have varied opinions on the
characteristics of high value. The words
confidence, presence and attractiveness will
usually find their way to the top of the high value tick list. High value can be categorizedinto five highlight points:

If you can modestly say you’re comfortably in the highest 20% in 4
(or 5) out of 5 of these categories – assessed from the network of people from
your own gender and relative age range - then this substantiates as being high
value.

In a man’s case, does this mean women will be attracted to him if
he succeeds in becoming a high value male?
Well again, it is more complex than this. Before I give a typical chronological
scenario to how a guy can develop in this manner, it is important to understand
the ways many women would take view on a high value man. On the face of it this is all a woman could
ask for - she fantasizes over securing a good looking, financially secure and
out-going guy, doesn’t she? Well first
of all this is 99% percent of the time what she will say. But remember, as the saying goes - “if you
want to find the truth in a woman, don’t believe what she says but watch what
she does.” This may be a general and
harsh conception, but it will realm true with many women and the relevant
situations that run in accordance. Why
would so many attractive women talk about handsome celebrity men, yet have a
partner who is a good couple of levels below her in the physical attractiveness
scales? Most women are insecure about
themselves at the best of times, so think about how this insecurity may be
escalated if she is placed with a choice to go into a relationship with a high
value man. She has to feel she is
superior to him in at least one of those five fields, and whilst she will never
admit she feels inferior, she will probably consider it in her own mind every
single day.

So the story of the man: From around 18 years of age he starts going
out to bars and clubs and he realizes a number of girls are giving him glances.
This raises his confidence. He buys a
few new garments of clothing to enhance his look, he starts getting a few more
looks from women, and this raises his confidence further. Further down the line he starts going to the
gym and bulks up his body tone. Of
course, this suits his look and also makes him feel even better about himself,
and he attains more passing looks from more women (sometimes even other guys). His confidence escalates to another
level. And a few years down the line he
gets a couple of promotions and is earning decent money - confidence heightens
even more. As he approaches his
mid-twenties his ego rises to the stratosphere and it seems to him like the
world and women are his oyster. He goes
out, still gets plenty of looks each night, maybe he has some one night stands
with females who aren’t really his type, and he repeats the same process the
following week. He’s even got to the
stage now where he has such a high opinion of himself that he believes women will
just approach him due to him being a self-proclaimed playboy or alpha
male. Some of his mates are a little
envious, but most of them admire his stories of the weekend sexual conquests. It never dawns on his friends that many of
these stories are made up from nights they just so happened not to be there.

So life’s great for him, isn’t it?
Well, kind of. Men are very
seldom prone to confessing to vulnerability, mistakes or not being satisfied
with their lives, this being to themselves, let alone their friends. But one
day he wakes up alone, a little hung-over, and starts to actually admit that:

He hasn’t had many long term relationships.

He has had no, or hardly any recent relationships with what
onlookers would call very physically attractive women.

In a similar dynamic to women producing pre-conceived rejection
towards men for feeling inferior to them, this guy will never totally concede
the reality is happening. In both cases
it is a subconscious denial. But there
are only so many times his mother can ask him when he’s going to bring home a
beautiful girlfriend for tea, before he finally has to face up to this being
reality.

In
these cases, how did it get to this stage?
Let’s go back to the list and tick or cross where he has struck gold or
gone wrong:-

Physical attractiveness –
Yes

Charisma- Yes

Personality- No

Wealth- Yes

Social / Occupational
status-Yes

The one failure mark against him at this stage of his life is the
most important one, especially when you are a good looking and charismatic
guy. He probably had a fundamental good
personality when he was that eighteen year old boy, but his problem is that his
confidence has turned to arrogance. High
confidence is paramount in any man’s success rate with the opposite sex, but
when it borders over this threshold to arrogance then people repel from
him. Only a select few men can get away
with arrogance – these mainly being men of extreme fame and wealth. The everyday man off the street will rarely
have the luxury of this demeanour.

This man made 3 cardinal sins:

He assumed women (even physically attractive women)

would just
simply approach him

It was never a major problem because he generally either got looks
from women that enhanced his confidence, or he secured liaisons with less
attractive women. Hardly any women
actually approach men, and it’s likely that those that do will not be from the
high extreme of beauty. Most people
don’t think outside the box when they analyze the way the female mind works in
relation to their visual impressiveness.
Physically attractive women go against the grain – it may be viewed upon
that they would be the most extroverted, engaging, secure and confident out of
the whole portfolio of women, but usually it is the opposite. These women need more reassurance,
compliments and validation of their importance, and this acts as a feeder in
their reluctance to take risks in life.
They would either not have the confidence to approach men or they would
possess an unsubstantiated opinion that they do not need to approach men.

He didn’t work on his personality

What most good looking guys fail to realize is that it’s actually
harder to get results with physically attractive women than an average looking
or above average looking guy. Some
female blogs indicate that women rate a man’s personality as seventy percent of
what they need in a long term relationship, against only ten percent for looks. Whilst some of these blogs lack credentials
and accuracy, many of these women are telling the truth. They trust attractive men less, and have,
rightly or wrongly, a perception that the good looking men are arrogant, they
are obsessed with their own importance, they are the most likely to cheat, and
they have no personality. So the moral
here is that a man must work even harder to show attainability for a woman to
feel comfort with him. If he fails in
this respect, that guard he sees in front of her will never move. There’s an average looking guy ready to take
his place in the click of a finger, and she will have no hesitancy in giving
him an opportunity.

He never worked on (or thought he needed) his interaction
strategy

Not dissimilar to point one, he basically thought these women
would come and approach him, tell him how “fit” he is, and everything would
flow from there. Even in those opportune
moments in the early hours of the morning when she was glancing at him, he just
didn’t know what to open with in his approach.
And if he did get talking he was so excited he’d met a stunning woman
that he fluffed his lines or came across as too supplicated. An average looking man with attitude,
presence and confidence will always strike a woman’s emotional attraction more
than a good looking man who slumps around with poor body posture. Women will critically fault a good looking
guy just like any other guy, so if he fails the game, he fails with the girl.

But all isn’t lost. If
someone faces up to their errors then they are arguably in a better position
than anyone else who lives in a glass house.
Sometimes it’s better to acknowledge your mistakes in order to move
on. The fact this guy is already at a high
value stage gives him a head start. He
just has to work on the most important aspect - personality. How does he do it?

Humility - play down his looks, job, car or any accomplishments.

Modesty - take compliments in perspective, know you’re a great
guy, but don’t rest on your laurels.

Listen and respond - let her feel she can talk to you about
anything and show you care about this.
Allow her to do most of the talking and do not be afraid of conversation
pauses or silences.

Strength - sure, you’re a great guy, but this great guy is no
puppet. Ensure she knows you could find
someone as good as her without the baggage or drama she may bring.

Most women, even the most attractive of them, will engage with a
man when he shows them all the traits from above. They just need to feel they aren’t overawed
by someone with high value. As I have
always said - help a tramp like you would assist the King of England, and
respect the obnoxious executive no more or less than anyone else.

About Me

Tough and sensitive. Firm but kind. Happy to help, but not here to be used. Once naive, now astute. Versatile and ranged. Balanced yet peripheral. Stylish but not extravagant. Stands out at the same time as blending in.