Monday, May 1, 2017

I Came, I Saw, I Went Home

And given the outsized role he's played on this blog over the past ten years I knew I'd be remiss were I to forego this rare opportunity to pay my respects and take his measure in person:

("You gonna need a very big ruler.")

According to the Red Hook Crit website the ride was set to take place in Prospect park at 9:30am. Back when I lived in Brooklyn, 15 minutes and a few strokes of the pedal would have been all that it took to deliver me to the start. However, now that I reside in the northwest Bronx, a trip to Prospect Park is a good 20 mile ride. All of this is to say that I had every intention of being punctual, but by the time I crossed under the fog-enshrouded George Washington Bridge I was running something like an hour behind schedule:

Alas, if only I'd had an ebike like this guy I might have made up the time easily:

Hey, whatever works for you, but if there's one thing I've noticed about ebikes it's that they encourage their riders to circle at red lights even more than fixies do.

Once I'd ridden nearly the length of Manhattan I merged onto the new Chrystie Street bike lane:

And mounted the Manhattan Bridge, where even at this late morning hour riders were still streaming towards Manhattan in considerable numbers:

Either New York City's got an actual bicycle rush hour now, or else they were simply fleeing the Cipollini.

Upon alighting in Brooklyn I made straight for Grand Army Plaza:

Where a group I took to be the Brooklyn chapter of the Mario Cipollini Appreciation Society in fact turned out to be park volunteers:

I'm assuming the Prospect Park Alliance heard Mario Cipollini would be visiting, and so they brought a wheelbarrow full of sawdust to soak up any oil slicks and keep the roadway safe for the park users.

Anyway, I'd long missed the rollout, but it wasn't long before I heard a flurry of Fredly activity nearby:

And moments later I was among them:

The main group was well ahead of me, and presumably these were the riders who'd become overwhelmed by Cipollini's pheromones and dropped back to breathe some unadulterated air for awhile. Obviously many of these riders were in town to compete in the Red Hook Crit, and as you can imagine it was thrilling to be among the crème de la crème of international fixiedom. Every few moments I'd hear the unmistakable whoosh of crabon wheels and the rattle of over-tensioned chains, only to be passed by yet another rider with tattoos and a mustache:

(Sagan? More like Sag-ain't.)

Indeed, when it comes to sheer fastidiousness in the realm of appearance, fixie-crit riders have overtaken roadies like that guy on the Juiced bike overtook me:

Given the sheer volume of runners, dog walkers, and Orthodox Jewish power-walkers, Prospect Park at mid-morning is not exactly the ideal venue for a huge group ride, so rather than attempt to make my way to the front I instead dropped back, took the cutoff, and waited for them at the park entrance. Before long they came back around, and while it was hard to pick him out at first:

I soon spotted the unmistakable profile of Cipollini himself:

And once the ride ended I watched as he graciously posed for photos with his many admirers:

Therefore, I figured I'd do Cipollini the honor of presenting him a copy of the Italian edition of my book, asking him to sign it, and then taking it back and keeping it for myself...though as I was preparing to leave I realized that rummaging around in boxes looking for a copy of the Italian edition of my book would have made me even later, so ultimately I just said "Fuck it."

I also briefly considered taking a picture with Cipollini myself as a souvenir, but given the earnestness of the occasion I felt like injecting irony into the proceedings would be kind of a douchey thing to do, so instead I just took pictures of other people taking pictures:

I have no idea why the riders in the background are shielding their eyes, and I can only assume they can't bear to look directly at a skinsuited Cipollini from behind, much in the same way you can't look directly at the Ark of the Covenant or else your face will melt:

Once Cipollini had graced everyone with handshakes and pixels I headed down to R&A bike shop, where according to the Red Hook Crit website a "Q&A" was to take place:

However, when I asked someone at R&A where the Q&A was taking place they looked at me like I was an idiot and said they didn't know anything about any Q&A but that Cipollini was inside:

I can only assume that since everyone had gotten what they came for the whole Q&A idea must have fallen by the wayside, and once again I was disinclined to bother a guy who clearly wanted to tap at his phone uninterrupted after having given generously of his time. So I paid my respects to the Red Hook Crit organizer and made my way back to the Bronx. The cherry blossoms were in bloom:

The bridge was now free from the fog in which it had been imprisoned:

And as I contemplated the cycle of life and these symbols of rebirth it occurred to me for the first time that I might be pregnant.

I should have shielded my eyes.

Oh, and if you're wondering what happened at the Red Hook Crit, I have no idea, but I did see this on the Twitter:

Holy cow Wildcat, no offense but that was cat-gutless.I've watched you ride on cipo's coat-tails for a decade, and this one chance for him to respond(open handed slap/fisticuffs/duel?) and you play Mr. Incognito? Not how we would do it in Canada.

Way back in the day it turned out Lance had a sense of humor about your infinite jests, and even became "friends" (or frenemy?) Cipo, who may or may not know you, may have no sense of humor, much like Brunelle who does know of you, but also has no sense of humor about your jests. Could have been kinda ugly.

Maybe thosewho think that this blog, and Cipo's returning caricature appearances, require that WCRM antagonize the real Cippolini by saying, "HiI'm a famous bike blogger- ever read my running jokes about your persona?", should consider their motivation for doing so, outside a need to feast on an affirmation of Cipo's caricature, and some kind of negative interaction. What possible good could come from it, other than selfish need to either destroy Cipo or WCRM?

I've crossed paths with "famous" peoples before, and it never occurs to me to ask for an autograph. They just don't mean anything to me. I was once asked "do you want me to sign something for you?" and I replied, "no, do you want my autograph?" (he answered "no" by the way.)

The "pose-and-photo line up" is almost even weirder to me. I mean, Cipo is a fount of oily humor for us all, but he's still just a dude.

Despite all that, humiliating yourself for a long-running joke is totally worth it.

Thanx for the interesting report of a different aspect of bike riding. I thought you were more than brave enough just going to the Prospect Park ride. Though it was a public event, it was Mario's party and some of his NYC fans you might recognize you, might not appreciate your presence. Your detractors today seem to have wanted you to pick a fight of something, just weird.

The douchey attitude of some cycling shops are like that hitting people where they are insecre, as in embarassing them into spending more. There is a shop like that where I like where if you have a bike they do not sell and you want parts for it, they will ask you if you purchased it at REI or some sporting goods store. It is a game that works with some people

Your detractors are arm-chair hecklers:My, such assumptions you make. Critique is not heckling (look it up). There's absolutely nothing weird, out-of-place, aggressive or inappropriate about BSNYC simply going up to Cippo, introducing himself and saying "hello," shaking his hand, asking him any question that a retired racer and now famous bike blogger would ask, thanking him and wishing him well. That's not harassment. After all, isn't that what most of the "fans" were doing, along with taking selfies (no need for that, tho). Who knows, maybe an interesting conversation may have arisen. Isn't that what such events are basically designed around? I'll say it again: BSNYC has a long-standing "Cippo The Slime" motif running though his blog, mostly to good effect and clearly (to most of us at least) all in the name of fun and humor. That Cippo or anyone else would resent that or hold Snob accountable seems absurd.

Oh, BTW Snob, I am in my 50s and also a father of two, and would have had no problem whatsoever going up to Re Leone for a quick "hey hiyadoin'?" And I'm not even an ex racer.

Sorry, I took your comment that I "chickened out" to mean I should have performed some wacky stunt, like stolen some of his DNA for a paternity test or had him sign a dildo or something, hence my response. Maybe I misinterpreted.

As for saying a quick hi, yes, that's perfectly reasonable, but I simply had no desire to do so.

Social Anxiety, is that the condition where you piss your bib shorts when meeting someone famous, or blurt out idiotic shit like Cipo, I am your father, or child, whatever. Yeah, I would have just watched, also.

"If it wasn't for Snobby I would never have heard of Cipo..." - totally the same here. I know very little about cycle racing, I only know of Chris Boardman (because of his awesome work in London) and Armstrong (coz like who hasn't). The mockery is absurd and fun, and I know a bit about this sporting legend because of it. win win :) Great work, WCRM (ps. I asked you to sign my Kindle in Melbourne, which you took seriously even though it was my lame attempt at a joke ahah)

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!