Tarsem Singh’s Snow White looks… uh… hmm.

Snow White Fever has hit Hollywood, with two (possibly three) Snow White movies set to hit next year. One, Snow White and the Huntsman, stars Kristin Stewart as Snow White, has battle sequences, and will be one of the dumbest movies ever made, if the 15 pages of the script I made it through are any indication. Meanwhile, a batch of photos from the version Tarsem Singh directed just hit the web, and say what you will about Tarsem Singh’s movies (I actually really liked The Fall), his visuals are always “off the hook,” as the kids like to say.
However… it’s possible he may have overstylized this time. Snow White looks like she raided Björk’s closet, and on the next page you can see the new seven dwarves, Napoleon, Frenchy, Cowboy, Beardguy, Spaniard, Caveman, and the Asian. They look like a bit like Cirque Du Soleil’s take on the Village People.
Hey look, it’s Mickey from Seinfeld. He might be my favorite dwarf after Peter Dinklage and Warwick Davis. Also: Did you know if you jam your thumb in a midget’s eye, he craps marbles? True story.
(That’s Lily Collins as Snow White. Sure to be the eyebrowiest of Snow Whites.)Huskies hate the new queen.
[via The Frogman]
Yay, Armie Hammer!
“A duel, you say? I accept! But high noon is too early. How about 2:30? I need time to unbuckle my vestments.”
Here’s a big gold vagina giving birth to Julia Roberts, so that’s pretty gross.
Don’t stab him, Snow White! Dwarves just multiply when you stab them!
Is that… a chicken man dancing with a topiary on the left there? This thing’s going to be f*ckin’ trippy.
“Now, then, sir, having unbuckled my vestments, I shall now be forced to thrash you.”
“We shall have cotton candy hanging from chandeliers, and a horse shall be queen, ZIM SKIM SKADOO! (*snorts line of coke, disappears*)”
Surprise, bitch, it’s little yellow riding hood.
But grandma, what thick eyebrows you have!
Hooray, Snow White can lance my goiter! Lilly Collins kind of looks like a poor man’s Jennifer Connelly.
This is what Alice in Wonderland would’ve looked like if Tim Burton was gayer.
Looks good, but could use a few more feathers, I think.
PREPARE YOUR ANUS.
[EntertainmentWeekly, Yahoo, and People via ComingSoon]

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Of the 3(?) potential Snow White movies, you just know that Tarsem Singh’s is going to knock the others the fuck out. I hate Jennifer Lopez but “the Cell” is still an absolutely amazing movie and, as you said Vince, “the Fall” is pretty sweet too. Both movies are just the most amazing eye-candy and I am pretty sure that given how solid the Snow White fable is, this thing is onto a winner.

Plus, shit’s got real dwarves in it.

By: Larry

10.06.2011 @ 3:05 PM

I’m concerned because my daughter has made me watch the original Snow White a punishing number of times and it is brutal. “There’s someone prettier than me? CUT OUT HER FUCKING HEART and bring it here.” Sweet dreams, kids!

Also, whoever voiced Snow White couldn’t sing for shit.

By: Jack Burton

10.06.2011 @ 3:07 PM

Now with extra snark and 30 percent more ethnically diverse dwarves!

By: Erswi

10.06.2011 @ 3:12 PM

A poor man’s Jennifer Connelly you say? How many Geroge Washingtos do I have to throw down in a dimly lit back room to get some ass to ass around here?

By: Jessolido

10.06.2011 @ 3:13 PM

Though unprovoked, Madonna’s resident eyebrow aficionado daughter Loudres explained why she couldn’t have played the title character:

…It’s something about Lily’s eyebrows, too. You couldn’t have someone like me, with big furry forehead flanks, in that film. Lily’s attractive and her eyebrows are considerably more manageable and that’s easier to watch somehow. For someone like me to do that film – it would almost be ridiculously shocking

By: Stinky Peet

10.06.2011 @ 3:13 PM

I dunno, a big studio version of a Tarsem Singh film is like a hot girl who goes to a snarky artist for her Kanji character tattoos. It has “gorgeous disaster” written all over it.

By: Patty Boots

10.06.2011 @ 3:28 PM

I don’t know, y’all. I kind of love it.

It’s like Snow White and Pushing Daisies had a baby, and then dressed that baby in taffeta and glitter.

Plus, Armie Hammer was born to play a fairy tale prince.

By: Patty Boots

10.06.2011 @ 3:32 PM

Also, The Fall is the shit.

By: theeviltwin

10.06.2011 @ 3:37 PM

I can only imagine that a variation of this conversation his happening all over the country once publicity for this movie picks up steam:

“So what role does Julia Roberts play?”

“She’s the wicked queen”

“Yeah, I know who Julia Roberts is, but what role does she play in the movie?”

“I just said she’s the wicked queen.”

“I get it, we all feel that way about her, but what role-”

“The main antagonist of the Snow White fairy tale is the wicked Queen, a fairest woman in the land until Snow White grows to become more beautiful. The actions driven by her jealously pretty much drive the rest of the story. Have you seriously never seen Snow White before?”

“Ohhhhh, I gotcha….wait, if the wicked queen is suppose to be beautiful, why did they cast Julia Roberts?”

By: ChaseMit

10.06.2011 @ 4:00 PM

I don’t know how this guy expects me to take his midgets seriously if one of them isn’t Peter Dinklage.

By: The Mutt

10.06.2011 @ 5:49 PM

Oh, man! Those eyebrows! She must have a bush you could floss your teeth with!