Ten. Ten sticky notes piled on top of each other, looking like a game of Tetris. Each one a reminder.

Read this. Password for this. Pick up this.

The list goes on. A boring list that no one really cares for, especially not a person who procrastinates. So, why does the procrastinator strategically place these different coloured notes along the wall? Well, they need to know how long they can put off their work for. To procrastinate successfully, one must of course induce a sense of anxiety. They must watch as time shrinks away. Meaningless numbers seem to have meaning when they’re written out on paper. Deadlines and due dates and appointments. Just numbers. Who could have guessed that a small, yellow square could become so significant. Of course, once the task is complete there will be no reason to keep the note on the wall. No, it’ll be crumpled up and tossed into the trash, along with other useless things. Like old symbols on an ancient ruin, it will have lost its meaning. Then there will be another to take its place, and it will linger on the wall until it too is tossed away. Insignificant numbers, on insignificant pieces of paper.

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I may possibly take a break from everything depending on my mood, and the level of stress I have over the next little while. I’m feeling a little down…that’s an understatement…but it doesn’t matter. Anyway, to avoid depressing all of my readers, I think it would be best if I just took a couple of days to cheer up. I’m going to go for a run or something today to clear my head. I need the exercise…I need the clear head.

I wish I wasn’t behind in my readings for class. After Saturday I think I only got two of my readings done out of seven. No…I did three. I just couldn’t focus, which is funny because now I feel like getting swallowed up by the pages of a good book. My mind is the best place to hide…and the words make good hiding places.

I’ve tried drawing, writing…and I just feel empty. I’ll keep pushing myself. I’ll be able to do it. I guess I’m afraid of being lost in my own thoughts right now.

I’ve been dealing with procrastination for years, and in my final year of high school I thought that I’d finally broken away from it. I hadn’t everything in on time, and was always getting my homework done right away so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it later on. Unfortunately, this being my first year at university, it seems that I’ve been procrastinating the start of my assignments. I was aware of this essay weeks ago, it’s due next week and all I’ve done is decide on what it is I’m going to discuss. Essay’s haven’t really been my strong point…especially those awful five paragraph ones. I didn’t get the hang of essay writing until I was in the 12th grade. No one really took the time to teach me in elementary school, so when I got to high school I sort of pretended I knew how to do it and figured it out…well…sort of. At least I was getting B’s on my work rather than C’s.

So I’ve been here since 11 am trying to start an essay. I’ve got my notes nicely laid out, a couple scribbles about what it is I want to say. I reread one of the texts I want to discuss and then I thought “I’m going to watch something” however the show not only irritated me but it infuriated me. It is one of my favourite shows and I just got annoyed with the way that the writers have been reusing scenarios over and over again throughout the series and just changing the characters in each. I understand that it isn’t always easy to come up with new ideas, but I also feel like writers are wasting their talent when they do things like that. Here I am, trying to think of a good thesis for my essay and these guys are just reusing the same scenes? Seriously?

I understand that that sort of thing pays the bills, but I strongly believe that you should be writing for yourself with an audience in mind not writing for an audience and putting all of your ideas to the side. Sure getting feed back from your audience worked for Charles Dickens (whose novels I enjoy reading in my spare time) but will you actually be happy with the final product?

Many writers who were pressured into going with one ending, or removing scenes are chapters were unsatisfied with the way their stories were presented in the end. A lot of them republished their novels and plays with “new” endings, putting back what was originally there in order to stop torturing themselves.

I know that I myself would not be happy handing in this essay for example, if I knew that it was not my best work. If it doesn’t satisfy what I believe to be good, than it cannot satisfy anyone else.

As I write this I continue to put off the creation of my thesis, however I’m writing something and that will put me in a writing mood (hopefully). I even cleaned my room so that I could have clear thoughts while studying for my exams. The sooner I finish this essay, the sooner I can begin preparing for my exams.

I’ve procrastinated everything that wasn’t for marks it seems. I will defeat this monster…I will. I just need to remember what got me to fight against procrastination the first time. I don’t think it was just having a spare period to work on assignments. Maybe it was because the people that I was surrounding myself with were working hard as well? I’m not too sure.

Anyone out there have the same problem? I seriously need help…I don’t want to procrastinate studying (I usually don’t but my parents aren’t around to nag me).

Well…I’ve got about 20 minutes to come up with a thesis. I sort of have one now…. Ha I’ll use this. It sucks now but I’ll fix it up later. I just wanna get this thing started.