It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have inadvertently been shipped outside of the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background art of Gen. Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Please also note:

1. The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
2. My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
3. Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
4. Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
5. Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
6. Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic disc thangs"
7. Instead of an error message, a garbage bag and roll of duct tape pops up.

Subject: Marketing 101
Several women I know have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following analogies will help
clear up the meanings of terms.
1. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him

and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you
call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
4. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and
pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

6. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
7. Your friend can't satisfy him so she calls you.
That's Tech Support.
8. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses

you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Spam.