News Briefs: Cougar Town Crashes in Its Return

... Cougar Town made its much-fussed-about return last night, and all you people who clamored for it didn't do a great job of watching it. But you did do a great job of not watching it, so you have that going for you. Only 4.88 million viewers tuned in for the Season 3 debut, which was good for a 1.8 adult demo rating. It didn't help that yesterday was Valentine's Day and people were too busy doing whatever it is couples do. Nor is the show's new time slot beneficial: it's sandwiched between multi-cam red-state fave Last Man Standing and found-footage horror series The River. Things were even worse for The River in its second week. The series earned a 1.7 rating among adults. [TV By the Numbers]

ORDER UP

... A&E; has ordered Be the Boss, a spin-off of CBS's Undercover Boss. The reality series features two employees competing for a promotion to a management position at a company's new franchise. But here's the feel-good twist! The winner of the competition will be rewarded with ownership of the new store. The loser will be made janitor of the new store. Well, not really. But if I had my way... [THR]

... If you're the one person out there who can stand Jenny McCarthy, I have good news. VH1 has hired her to host The Jenny McCarthy Show, a talk show in the vein of E!'s Chelsea Lately. [THR]

... CBS has ordered a new reality dating show called 3. Based on an Israeli series, 3 follows three women as they try dating. That's it. Three women. Who date. Nothing captures the honesty of dating like a woman prowling bars with a camera crew in tow. [Deadline Hollywood]

... TBS has ordered 35 more episodes of Tyler Perry's For Better Or Worse. Is there a South Korean sweatshop that's churning out scripts for this show or something? [Deadline Hollywood]

... Discovery has ordered a third season of Gold Rush, better known as the show The Soup likes to make fun of because of its endless "Glory Hole" and "loads" references. Somehow this show about men who dig for gold is consistently number one in the 18-49 demo on Friday nights, beating anything on cable OR network. [THR]

CASTING ROUNDUP

... Kal Penn (Kumar!) has been cast in ABC's comedy pilot Prairie Dogs. He'll play an office slave who has his identity stolen, and the thief creates a much more interesting life with his name. Then he tracks down the thief so the thief can help him improve his own life. God I hate this show because it's so difficult to explain. The elevator pitch for the series must have taken at least three trips. [Deadline Hollywood]

... Katie Cassidy (Supernatural, Gossip Girl) will star in The CW's Arrow, the new superhero drama based on The Green Arrow. She'll play Laurel, better known to comic fans as the Black Canary. On a scale of 1 to 10 in attractiveness, Cassidy is a one. Million. Mrowr! [Deadline Hollywood]

... Malcolm Barrett (Better Off Ted, that phone commercial where he's playing that bar basketball game) has joined Fox's comedy pilot Rebounding. The show follows a dude who is recovering with the help of his pickup basketball friends after the death of his fiancée. The story says that Barrett will play two of the basketball-playing friends, which might be the most racist thing I've ever heard. [Deadline Hollywood]

... Ali Larter and Fox often share a sentence, with the words "is a" in between. But now there's a new sentence to write: Larter, who played Niki and like four of her twins on Heroes, has joined the Fox drama The Asset. She'll play a CIA agent who goes undercover as a photojournalist. Sorry about the first two sentences in this blurb. It's probably the worst attempt at being clever ever. God, I'm a failure. *crying sound* [EW]

... One Tree Hill alum Sophia Bush has been cast in the CBS comedy pilot Partners. The show follows two buddies whose relationship is tested when one proposes to his girlfriend. Bush will play the girlfriend. [TV Line]

UNCASTING ROUNDUP

... ESPN's Monday Night Football will be a man down next year. Ron "Jaws" Jaworski is being taken out of the booth, leaving chatter duties solely to Mike Tirico and John Gruden. As sports people might say, this is a total airball for poor Jaws. [Pro Football Talk]

... Saved the worst for last: Paget Brewster is leaving Criminal Minds at the end of the season. She's been looking to leave the show and do other projects for some time now, and even shot a pilot last year for NBC. [Deadline Hollywood]

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