Archive for the ‘fake news’ Category

My plasma began to boil. Wafts of vile hatred simmered and smoked throughout the room. The putrid odor of unadulterated anger, hypocrisy and bigotry stole the oxygen from the air making life an impossible illusion. I had to get out before my head exploded. Or, easier yet, I had to switch the channel. MSNBC and their mob of maniacs had gone over the top months ago. They have infected the media’s sewer system and my plasma TV with such outrageous lies that I have no choice but to sack my humorous banter for a few minutes to tell the truth. So help me God.

“President Trump to be impeached!” was being reported as fact after an ABC reporter declared that Michael Flynn was going to flip to confirm Trump’s collusion with Russia. Only after Joy Behar, Rachael Maddow and their corrupt cronies danced with delight over the news did ABC finally admit it was all a lie. ALTBTL. Another Lie Told By The Left.

Facts by fantasy has so impugned honest journalism that I must do my part to deliver reality to those that haven’t the ability to decipher fact from fiction or apply common sense to every day situations.

“The tax cuts will cut off spending on cancer treatment”. Believe it or not, there are people that actually believe that to be true. They believe it because their manipulators tell them so but, of course, that is as far from the truth as earth is from Pluto. Nobody elected to congress whether DNC or GOP is going to cut the throats of their most active constitutions, the over 50 club.

“Donald Trump hates Jews, Women and immigrants”. Really? His daughter, son-in-law and their children, Donald’s grandchildren, are, news flash, Jewish! Do the Mika Brzezinski’s of the world think he hates them or the faith they follow? Really? And immigrants. His wife, our First Lady, is an immigrant! The controversy is over those that cross the border illegally. The vast majority, Trump agrees, are good, hard working people. It’s the criminals that come over that are at issue. If you were the parent of a child that was killed by a drunk driver that had prior victims south of the border, you might have second thoughts. Letting people in with open arms without checking their records is insane! How can anyone with any humanitarian values disagree with that? Safety, I would hope, would be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when deciding the immigration issue.

“Donald Trump and Judge Roy Moore are sexual deviants”. Words are dangerous to be sure but they are words, not physical objects. What Trump said in a locker room is disgusting but if every man that bragged to another man what he’s done with a woman was a criminal offense, there would be more jails than houses in the USA. Male braggadocio is as old as Neanderthal’s painting their imagined conquests on the walls of caves. Ain’t pretty but it’s totally harmless.

The allegations against Judge Moore are just that, allegations with no proof. In forty years not one woman complained about Moore’s behavior. Only a couple months before an election the Democrat’s deem to be on the hinge of the party’s existence did these women come crawling out of nowhere. That, per any iota of common sense, should be cause for great suspicion.

What is most upsetting to any human being who has even a hint of compassion is the total disregard for the confirmed sexual predators from the left side of the aisle. Bill Clinton had sex with a barely legal girl in the Oval Office and was caught lying about it over and over but the so-called “champions or women;s rights” in the Democrat party go silent as a rock. Senator Al Franken’s deviant behavior is well documented with photographs yet only now is the left calling for his removal. Polling is what drives the liberals, not morality. The majority of Americans that were polled by the DNC showed an inconsequential attitude. They didn’t care that Clinton had sex with a young girl in the oval office so the media and the Democrat party let the pervert flag fly. Today, however, there is anger over the sexual misconduct of John Conyers and Al Franken et al, so they follow the polls and demand them to resign. The hypocrisy couldn’t be more evident within the liberals of this great country but the sheep either don’t care or are too enamored by their esteemed leaders to know their own hearts.

“Trump colluded with Russia!”. That lie began with Hillary Clinton’s refusal to accept reality and has festered to every branch of the Democrat’s army of manipulators. There is hardly an hour on CNN, NBC or MSNBC that their hosts don’t follow the puppet masters that give them talking points to insist Trump and Putin fixed the election. Their damning rhetoric is costing Americans millions of dollars via special councils that we have now learned have liberal biased investigators who have skewed reports and leaks to show collusion. The actual fact is that there was and is collusion in DC but it is in between the FBI and Obama’s Department of Justice. They are the ones that did not investigate Hillary Clinton’s emails that violated federal laws nor the possibility of a private Uranium One deal that put millions into the coffers of the Clinton Foundation that keeps ninety six cents of every dollar “donated” to cover “overhead” costs.

The list of lies and deliberate bias in the media and even in the FBI, for God’s sake, is nearly endless. But, all this talk without one single laugh line is exhausting! I, your devoted Boo Feeder, will be back soon with a Much lighter take on the events that shape our lives.

Donna Brazile, a long time Democratic strategist and mouthpiece for everything liberal, has stepped all over her former hero, Hillary Clinton. In her book, Hacks, the 57 year old woman who has been described as “openly lesbian”, laid the equivalent of tar and feathers over the former Secretary of State for rigging the 2016 presidential election. In her book, Ms. Brazile exposed the failures in the DNC that made Donald Trump the 45th president of the United States. To a point, Brazile outed Clinton as the one who rigged the nomination in a way that she, and only she, would be the Democrat Party nominee then go on to a certain victory in November 2016.

We all know how that went.

Lucky for his fans and followers, Boo Feeder was walking past a Starbucks when he saw Donna Brazile at a table. She was there for a book signing with stacks of Hacks but no customers so Boo bolted in to seize the opportunity.

” Miss Brazile! Hope you don’t mind if I ask a couple questions this morning. ” I screeched one of those noisy metal chairs over to her table and sat down before she could say no.

” Who the hell you? Where is my book you want signed? What you want to ask me boy? ” She said while spitting her latte in my eye.

” My name is Boo Feeder. I am a freelance reporter with tens of thous.., er, tens of followers and we all want to know how Hillary Clinton managed to fix the primaries “.

” Lookit here Feeder, I never said Hillary rigged or fixed the damn election! It was the Russians! You take that down real easy boy and you take it down right. I did not get it on with Hillary! She met me before the debate and I talked to her, that’s mighty damn right. Sure, I handed her the question list. So what, white boy? That is my freaking job! Then that damn Wackoff Leaks got my emails. Now that ain’t right! All I got out of all my work for the Democrat Party was fired and a kiss on the cheek from Hillary Damn Clinton! A peck on the cheek! Like I was expecting a little more, right? Maybe a hug? A kiss on the lips? Maybe cop a feel of my big, ample breasts? A peck on the cheek? Damn! I said right there that That’s It! I’m going to put Joe Boy Biden in her place. That dirty bee-atch! Biden says No! Not in this lifetime! He’s afraid of the Clinton’s, especially that Hillary. He says Donna? You know what happens to people that go against her? They have sudden heart attacks! Weird ass accidents! They die Donna! Shit, he’s right. I know for sure! So I write this book you want signed. I got bank for that from you know who! I take it all back though, right? Hillary didn’t “

The woman sitting across from me has lodged so much mocha latte into my eyes by now that I couldn’t bear to hear any more of her slabbering. ” Miss Brazile. Excuse me ma’am. All that is in your book. What I want to know is this, are you going to support Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in 2020? “

” Is you out your ever racist mind Feeder? I got my own pick for 2020 and it is Not none of them two losers! No! What we need here is hope and change! What we need here is somebody who has Never been in politics in her whole life. Someone to take on that gold-ass bigot and toss his fat ass out on the sidewalks of New York where he Nevah! shoulda left. No sir! We, I mean I, am going to make us a new president! One who knows blacks have been sitting in the back of the bus too damn long. And women! We need representing! Boy, we, I mean I, am going to make her the next president of the United States! “

With that she pointed to a laminated card on her key ring. In the middle of the lamination, surrounded by hearts and roses was the image of a woman that was further smudged with lipstick kisses. I had an idea who her idol was but had to ask.

” Why that is the next POTUS you poor white man! That there is MO! Oh my word, is she she going to straighten you and every other white-ass honky cracker out like chickens on a string! ” At that she pulled a picture of Hillary Clinton out of her bra, threw it on the floor, jumped out of her chair stepping all over Hillary and spinning around the coffee shop chanting ” GO TO HELL HILLARY! WE, I MEAN I, WANT EM-OH, EM-OH, MO TWO OH!”

The Starbuck’s baristas joined the merriment singing ” MO, MO, Mocha Ole! Mocha Ole! We love our mocha ol”. That’s when Donna Brazile threw her chair at the unfortunate singing duo. She screamed ” What the hell you white people know about mocha brown anything? I don’t care about your stupid coffee. Shit, I got better coffee at the Piggly Damn Wiggly! Mocha Ole, what kind of crazy cracker shit it that? I was talking about the one and only EM OH! And she is going to run this whole damn world like it should be done! M-O, MO, MO TWO OH! “

The chanting and throwing of chairs continued until every table, every window, every person in the little store went crashing to the sidewalk outside. I knew at that instant just who her leader was, who Brazile planned on propping up for the 2020 election and I began to shiver. The only hope for all of us is that there will be full exposure on the rigging investigation and the real Russian story. That the Clinton’s and Obama’s will be exposed and MO will never be president of the United States.

During an afternoon stroll in the woods near his vacation home in Chappaqua New York, Boo Feeder came upon a figure draped with a black curtain. Fearing for his life and the lives of his family just yards away, Feeder took action to thwart the threat.

” Ah hah! I got you! ” Boo Feeder screamed as he tackled the angel of death to the ground.

” Get off of me you, you, you MAN! ” was heard from inside a black cape that was twisting and turning through a copse of poison ivy. The robe then went flying away to reveal the person, not spirit, inside.

” Hill, Hill, Hillary? Hillary Clinton? What are you doing walking in the woods dressed as the Grim Reaper? By the way, you have poison ivy leaves stuck in your hair “. Feeder said while composing himself to maybe, just maybe tick off a box on his Before-I-Die list and land an interview with the former First Lady. He picked out the poison from Clinton’s hair that was curiously still in perfect shape after the wrestling then asked ” Madam Secretary, would you please give me a few minutes of your time to talk about your book, ‘What Happened’? As a matter of honesty, Feeder then gave up his identity as a freelance reporter.

” Well, well, well. First you accost me then you want to make nice with me? Typical man! ” she said through clenched teeth. ” But, you did get that nasty bush out of my hair so yeah, ask away. This is NOT for public consumption! Whatever we talk about is between me and you only! You got that Beef Eater? “

” It’s Boo Feeder ma’am. ” He corrected. ” Mrs. Clinton you have my word that this is not for everyone, I’m just curious why you wrote that book and why you feel it necessary to lay blame for your loss ” he lied. Of course he would publish his best “get” of his career. If her bevy of lawyers tried to sue him, he would reiterate Hillary’s husband’s infamous retort of ‘What is, is?’.

” You say it was the Russian’s, James Comey and the misogynistic racists on the right that handed defeat to you as a thief in the night. Do you take any responsibility for letting Donald Trump beat you like a tired old punching bag in Gold’s Gym? “

” You stupid, stupid wang dangled human piece of ( censored )! That golden haired slob DID NOT BEAT ME! I won the popular vote Boo Jerko! Three freaking million more people wanted ME to turn the White House into a Pink Palace. You got that Freaker? ” Hillary Clinton said while wrapping herself back into the soiled black rag.

” Those three million voters were all in California. Do you believe that one state should speak for the other forty nine? The Electoral College was written to assure the nation that presidential elections were as fair as possible. Do you believe our American system is unfair? Do you want to eliminate the Electoral College? Really? “. Feeder said with a face contorted with disbelief in what he was asking the person that so wanted to be the most powerful person on the planet.

” Electrician College? What a joke! Those damned wire strippers stole my future! I could have been the ruler of the whole ( censored ) world! ME! It was supposed to be ME! I WON but look where I am and where that orange head bastard is. He’s down there in effing Florida making nicey nice with his dirty-ass-immigrant wife and I’m walking in a forest of ugly-ass trees practicing my taraweeh prayers in a dirty black sheet. Jeeze! I HATE that college that isn’t even a college! ” Mrs. Clinton finally had herself wrapped and was about to flip the rest of the cape over her head when she began flailing her hands to her head and ran away screaming like a Banchee ” POISON IVY! Holy shit! Back Fu(censored)ing bastard. You spread poison ivy all over my beautiful face! MEN! OH Allah, or whoever you are down there, strike that MAN off this planet that I, HILLARY DAMN CLINTON, should be the leader of ! “

Stunned beyond words, Boo Feeder submitted this report with no further content. We asked if he wanted to add any afterthoughts to his impromptu interview. All he could say is ” Nah, man. My hands are covered with calamine lotion and I’m a little high from the Prednisone so, no, but thanks anyway “.

In an exclusive interview with our Boo Feeder, Nancy Pelosi made some interesting observations that we are still trying to unravel. Read the question and answer session to form you own opinion. She was about to enter the Washington National’s stadium to watch the 108th annual Congressional Baseball Game when Feeder caught her in the elevator.

“Mrs. Pelosi, my name is Boo Feeder. Can I ask you a few questions before the game begins?”

“Feeder? Oh why yes of course! Your name ends in a vowel right? I always feel a special connection to our Italian – American heritage! ” She said while flailing her hands inside the tight space of an elevator.

Amazed that Mrs. Pelosi thinks an “r” is a vowel, Boo Feeder smiled then took advantage of the opportunity and continued the interview with ” Mrs. Pelosi, you called for Donald Trump to be impeached on Monday then one day later after the shooting of Steve Scalise said that you pray for Trump to have a successful presidency. Which one is it ma’am?”

“Young man! Why are we not moving? I pushed that button thingy for the penthouse suite and we haven’t left the first freaking floor!” She swung her arms so hard that her right hand hit Boo Feeder in the nose causing his delicate olfactory to spill blood all over his shirt. ” Hey pie-san you’re going to get blood on my Prada purse! You dumb wop! Get me out of here!” This time it was her left hand that she slung into his eye. “And hey pretty boy. What’s your name? Guido? Guido push that god damned button again. The one that has ML on it. Mi Lacasa! My home! Get me there goom-bah!”

Seeing no point to tell her ML was for the Mezzanine Level not whatever this crazy woman who’s now given him a black eye to match his broken nose, Boo went on ” Do you agree that the hateful, violent actions on the left such as mock beheadings and assassinations have ginned up the more mentally unstable citizens like the man who set out to massacre republicans?”

The elevator stopped then Pelosi stormed out screaming ” Where’s my people? Where the hell is my goddamned aide? Antonio, where are you sweetheart?” she kept yelling to crowds of people who kept clear of a woman who would have been best served with a straight-jacket than a Prada handbag.

Feeder, running after her with one hand squeezing his nose and covering his eye with the other looked just as insane as his prey. Then, lucky for him, someone on Pelosi’s staff swept her into a corporate box where he continued the conversation.

“Mrs. Pelosi, please can you tell me whether you blame the pundits, politicians and media for dividing the USA with acts of violence and what can you do to stop the madness?”

“Here boy, use this napkin on your nose. It’s disgusting!” She handed Feeder a Kotex she’d kept in her purse in remembrance of happier days then said “Blame? Oh no, I don’t blame my dear friends Ratchet Madcowe, Dan Crathers or Katy Griffing or anybody. We have to get it on! You know what I’m saying pie-sang? How dare they be so sanctimonkeyous! C’mon Boosh, we got’s business to take care of!” She slurred out then rolled her head backwards demanding someone walking by the opened door “Boy! Get me a damned drink! Vodka on the rocks but not the Russian kind. Leave that for Donald Trump. He drinks Russian vodka you know. I think he should..” Pelosi stopped mid sentence to stand up and run out on to the walkway screaming ” Did you hear that? Some guy on the loudspeaker said ” Sherman shot a bullet down first base line!” then screamed “GET OUTA THIS GOD FORSAKING PLACE! The freaking ass tanks are coming for us with weaponage! ”

Boo Feeder let he go, trying to interview a sober Nancy Pelosi was hard enough. Making sense of Pelosi after she’s had one or seven too many was a task only MSNBC would partake in. He went to the nearest Quick Care to have his injuries patched up then drove home breathing through his mouth and negotiating 495 with one eye, a task almost as dangerous as an interview with Nancy Pelosi.

After the public interrogation, the former FBI czar met with the Senate Intelligence Committee members in private to answer questions that he refused to answer in an open setting. Soon afterwards, Comey leaked an audio tape that he secretly had hidden in classic FBI fashion: a 007 style recorder planted in the Windsor knot of his tie. When the top secret testimony was over, James Comey ducked into the mens room to drop the nickel size recorder in the waste bucket for his cohort at the New York Times to dig out of the trash later. Unknowing to Comey, our own reporter, Boo Feeder, was using the restroom for its intended purpose and saw what the fired FBI director let go in the garbage. It is from that tape that we are able to tell our dear readers what went on behind closed doors.

The edited version goes like this:

Richard Burr: Thank you Mr. Comey for meeting with us.

James Comey: Like I had a choice ( chuckles )

Susan Collins: Mr. Comey, you admitted, much to my surprise, that you leaked a memo to the New York Times about your meeting with President Trump but you didn’t leak the fact that the FBI was not investigating the president for any ties with Russia. Or did you and it didn’t get out?

Comey: No Senator Collins, I did not leak anything to the Times. My best buddy did that. He and I have a relationship that is very private so we can share

Mark Warner: Whoa Jimmy! No need to get yourself in another jackpot!

Collins: Mr. Warner! I am not done! Please do not interrupt me when I

Kamala Harris: That’s enough out your lobster lips you old bag! I have some hair dye in my purse you might want to use. There’s a strand of gray peeking through your pine tree hair Suzy honey. Hi Jimbo! You’re looking fine today! How about we do lunch then you can do me!

Comey: No Kam, I can’t do that, sorry. I have to see a man about a boat ( the sound of swallowing water? is loud and clear ). After that my banker asked to see me about a recent deposit.

Marco Rubio: Your banker? Recent deposit? Were you paid to leak that memo and who paid you Mr. Commy?

Comey: It’s Coh-me Mr. Rubik, not Commie. I have served America all my adult life and resent your insinuation that I am a communist. But, if I were a commie, that would not be illegal. As you know there are plenty of commies in Washington DC but I am not one of them. I demand you take that back!

Rubio: Or what? You’ll take your crayons and go

Dianne Feinstein: ( yelling ) Stop it children! Jimmy, you and I go back a long way and I think it’s time we end this nonsense before you say something you’ll regret later. Miss Harris? I’m free for lunch and would love to be with ( pause ) go with you. My treat sweetie! ( a muffled female voice is heard saying “Gotchya baby” but we aren’t certain it was Kamana Harris’ voice )

John Cornyn: Okay, we all have somewhere to go so let’s get on with why we are here. Mr. Comey you say now that the FBI did not investigate Russian interference in our election but didn’t leak that to your buddy or anyone else. But, you did find it necessary to leak a memo about a conversation with Donald Trump who was only hoping that a man who served his country with valor and heroism from public disgrace. Now you infer that there are communists in DC who may be influencing our

Joe Manchin: Don’t answer that Jimmy! ( screaming ) You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are our friend and noble comrade! You

Burr: HA! Now we know who to put a target on! You and all the other anti-Americans in public office and in the mass media. You are all going down!

Harris and Feinstein: ( in unison ) Going down?!

Harris ( in sing-song ): Glory be! Let’s get outa here Di baby!

And with that, the meeting ended. Comey and most of the senate committee hustled their way out of the building. Kamala Harris and Dianne Feinstein were seen hand in hand running past the horde of photogs into one car then sped away.

Disclaimer:

This is Fake News! It is written to put a humorous spin on our ever depressing news of the days. None of it is true and not meant to be construed as such!

As your dear soon to be departed leader ( from the White House, not from the living! ) was spending enough time saying farewell that he nearly went into a third term, his dear, sweet fifteen year-old daughter was getting sloshed on Vodka at a previously undisclosed location. She declined a seat at the king’s table saying “That’s awight. I got this example to study for. It gone be a bitch Ma! I best be staying home but tell pops good luck. I’ll catch him later. Right?” The fam left her home knowing she would be burning the midnight oils for her history test in the Black American’s Persecution in America class at her private school.

The black, gas guzzling SUV’s glided along to more gas using airplanes and automobiles all in the name of Our Greatest Man Who Ever Became President, Barack Hussein Obama. Damn the climate eating, fossil fuels. Our Black history is more important than some fat, stupid polar bear! So off they went while Sasha closed her bedroom door with her books and one convenient friend: Dad’s best bottle of Vodka.

She took one sip then one more. Feeling the good burn she’d become so familiar with, she let one good, long swallow go down the pipes. Her eyes closed to see Nirvanna playing on the inside of her lids and an amazing little banner-thingy running by in neon fashion saying ” Go Go Go! There’s a party on at a Sidwell’s Friend friend. Go!” So off she went.Out the window, climbed the fence and ran to ( name withheld) house on Quebec St. Luckily for her, the agents in charge of her safety were playing spades on the back deck and never saw the flash of green and red woolen pajama’s go swishing by.

When the teenager came crashing into the modest brick home, the BOSE speakers and the liquor induced commotion held no regard for a First Daughter. It wasn’t until an hour later when Sasha began to sober up from all the running and twerking sweating the booze out of her that she noticed someone laughing Way too loud ” Hashtags everywhere Yo!” Sash, you gone be hashtag queen with where you!”

“Huh?” the youngster said. “Hashtagging me? For effing what? Daddy knows I can kick it just as much as he can. Him and his ‘Beer Summits’. You think I don’t know about what he does in that funny-ass shaped room? Him a Bill Clinton turned that into Party Central and I don’t know? Shiiit. I can kick it all I want and still pass that dumb-ass example tomorrow.”

And so she did. Sasha aced it! There was only one question: Which white people have denigrated Black Americans the most in all of history? “ALL OF THEM! So says my moms!” she wrote and got a 5.0. Four for correctness, one for getting that jump on the Secret Service.

Disclaimer: Unlike your other noteworthy Fake News sites that report bogus reporting as newsworthy, BooFeeder makes NO claim that any of this report is true. But maybe, just maybe…