Will You Survive Capitalism?

This quiz will help determine whether or not you possess the attributes necessary for surviving under our current economic model.

1

Are you a morning person?

I naturally wake up at 6 or 7am and get bored wishing there was some mindless task I could perform.

I can barely function before noon, or later.

I enjoy mornings, so long as I'm not waking up to go to work.

I naturally wake up around 10am.

2

Do you own your own vehicle?

Yes. I love my car/truck/van and keep it in pristine condition.

I do. But only because I don't really have a choice: where I live if you don't have a car you don't have independence.

No. Vehicles are too expensive, and I prefer walking.

3

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I like people a lot, and probably qualify as an extrovert, but people find me a bit awkward to be around.

I like being around people most of the time, but I do pretty regularly need some space and time to myself.

I love engaging strangers in conversation, and small talk with co-workers in the break room.

I am a very private person, and engaging in conversation can be exhausting. Phone calls are soul-crushing.

4

Do you want to center your life around your job?

I enjoy the stability and routine a job affords me, but I wish I could work fewer hours.

Yes. What I want most is work I can really pour myself into. When I'm not at work I feel restless and bored.

I feel like my job is just holding me back from devoting time to what actually matters to me.

5

Are you white?

I'm passable.

Yes

No.

6

Are you able-bodied?

I have major issues with certain physical tasks.

I have some minor issues with some physical tasks.

I can stand, walk, lift with no problem.

7

SCENARIO:
Your new boss presents you with a thick book at the end of your first training day and suggests you "devote a couple hours to studying it every night, after work." You:

... immediately ask, "Am I getting paid for this time spent studying?"

... are looking forward to getting home and studying.

... are reluctant to study on top of the training, but you keep quiet and accept the book.

8

Are you punctual or tardy?

Who's keeping track of five or ten minutes? What does it matter?

I am always early for everything.

I am almost always late.

I am generally on time for things, but once in a while I'm a little bit late.

9

How do you dress?

Neat and conservative. No tattoos.

Pretty normal. But I have a lot of tattoos/piercings/coloured hair.

Pretty normal. Couple small tattoos. One time I dyed my hair pink/blue/green.

I use clothes to make a statement. My fashion is often outrageous.

10

Are you queer?

I am a fabulous homo.

Isn't everybody at least a little bit queer?

I am queer, but I don't think anyone at my workplace knows.

I am exclusively attracted to the opposite sex. Being gay is gross, not that there's anything wrong with that.

11

Do you take drugs?

Drugs are a part of how I live.

Big pothead, and I take stronger psychedelics occasionally.

A little alcohol, once in a while, but that's all.

I like getting drunk sometimes, and smoke a little pot occasionally.

I am a tea-totaller.

12

SCENARIO:
You notice your manager has been making sexual comments to a female co-worker that are making her uncomfortable. You:

... do nothing. It's none of my business.

Confront your manager immediately.

... approach your co-worker, let her know you've seen what's happening, and ask how you can be supportive

13

SCENARIO:
There is a lot of downtime at your work. You realize that even though you are booked for 8 hours a day, you can finish your work in 3 hours if you push a little. You:

... start bringing books to work.

... spread the three hours work over the 8 hour shift.

... devote the remaining five hours to making other work for yourself.

14

SCENARIO:
A customer at work is rude or tremendously stupid to you. You:

... call them openly on their bullshit.

... discreetly roll your eyes but continue working.

... ignore it, and continue working with them in a "professional" manner.

15

SCENARIO:
You are having trouble meeting your expenses. You remember that the grocery store you work at routinely throws away perfectly good food. You:

... think to yourself, "Well, they must be throwing it away for a good reason. I'll leave it alone."

... approach your boss and ask if you might be able to take some home. When they say 'No' you shrug and accept defeat.

... work out a way to stash some of the good food that was bound for the garbage.

16

You receive a radical promotion at work and are put in charge of the budget. Your first priority is:

Figuring out ways to cut wages and benefit costs

Making sure all the employees are earning a living wage, because paying anything less is immoral.

Maintain the status quo.

17

Are you passionate about sales and customer service?

I'm just trying to do my job here. I'll care about whatever they tell me I need to care about.

Yes! I am always striving to get new customers, and ensure the current ones have an optimal experience

Salesmanship makes me gag, and customer service is a euphemysm for doing whatever people with money ask you to.

18

Your boss decides to hang a photo in your front lobby that appears to show someone in brown-face. You:

Don't see the problem. What is this question about?

Wait until no one is looking, remove the picture, and throw it in a dumpster.

Cautiously approach your boss to level a complaint.

19

When you're on your way to work you are generally feeling:

"Meh. Whatever."

Numb and unconscious

Dread

Enthusiasm

20

Having recently relocated to a cheaper apartment within walking distance of your workplace, and noticing how much lower your expenses will now be, you:

Ask for more hours at work, since you'll have to devote less time to the commute than you did previously.

Buy a big ticket item with the extra cash you'll be earning

Ask for a reduction in hours at work

21

The idea of working 40 hours a week at jobs like the ones you've had in the past, for the rest of your life, makes you feel:

What more could I ask for!

"Well, at least I won't be bored."

"Meh. Whatever."

Slightly suicidal

22

One of your co-workers is trying to organize a union at your workplace. You reaction is:

A pox on both their houses

Actively join their campaign

-to tell your boss and begin sabotaging the union campaign

23

What's your preferred mode of travel?

Walk for an hour.

Work 2 hours to make the money needed for a $25/ten minute cab ride.

Work all month to make the money needed for insurance and gas.

24

Your boss has been paying you minimum wage for the past three years. You overhear her complaining about a recent string of thefts from your workplace, and about how "Ain't nobody's got morals anymore." You:

Roll your eyes and say, "You wanna talk about theft! Let's talk about the thousands of dollars you've stolen from every employee who works here with your immoral minimum wage. This company has been stealing from its employees for years, so you are in no position to complain about theft."

Keep walking.

Nod and agree. "I know. Isn't it terrible?"

25

You ever notice how people in movies and tv shows spend so little time at work? Or, if they're at their workplace, how they're rarely doing any actual work?

What about George Kostanza, sleeping in his desk?

Yes. I noticed that a long time ago.

No. I never thought about that before.

26

If you could give three handjobs a week and earn as much money as you currently earn, would you quit your job?

Hell yes! Are you kidding?

How bout just one handjob?

No. That's disgusting. Prostitution is demeaning.

27

Are you good with money?

Yes. I save a small amount every month, and have a little bit invested in some safe stocks.