Saturday, September 25, 2010

Supernatural Shakedown: Season 6 Episode 1 OR The Apocalypse Is Over But The Fun Has Just Begun

Episode #1: Exile on Main Street.Previously on Supernatural...Shit. Went. Down. Sam became Satan's bitch, got into a scuffle with faux-bro Adam (aka Michael) and fell "into the cage." Dean goes to Lisa for a seemingly Happy Ending (no, not the kind you get from a seedy massage parlor) & quits "the family business." But what's this!? Dean's at the table with his new family & there's his old family staring at him from across the street! That's right! Sammy's back, baby! Dun-dun-dun!!!

Now...Dean's living the "apple pie life." Something makes me think that this won't last long. Dean as a stepdad in suburbia is waaaaay weirder than Dean the super awesome demon hunter, don't you agree? Having a beer with some lame-o neighbor. Pest control, huh? Good metaphor, Deano!Oh, here it goes! Something "supernatural" is bout to go down! Look at all the weird marks everywhere! Hope it's not a werewolf. i'm pretty sick of their kind. Almost as much as vampires. Almost. Possums kill, Sid. Ha! Ok, i don't like Sid. He's really nosy. Mind your beeswax, Sid! Ok, Dean's in the garage. Oh yeah, here come the supernatural times, right? Go away, Lisa! It's Impala time!Ah, the leather jacket! John's journal! Come back to the dark side, Dean. We have cookies!Holy shit! It's Yellow Eyes!!!!!!Holy shit! It's Sam!!!!!!Time for a commercial break....

What the- what??? Are you Sam or Satan? Come on now you can't bring back my gorgeous Sammy & make him all Evil in the very first episode back.Ok, he says that he's Sam. But can we trust him? i want to because look how dreamy!Sam's taking us to meet his peeps. Wait, since when does Sam have peeps?What the fuck? Who the hell are these people? Third cousins? Since when did the Winchesters have an extended family? i don't know that i like or trust these people. Wait, what the fuck is their Gramps doing here?!?!?So, Grandpa has been resurrected... for some reason...Apparently we're huntin' Djinn in this ep, people.Oh shit, now Lisa & Ben are missing. Of course they fucking are. Commercial time...Oooh, Harry Potter trailer. Can't wait! November 19th! Woo-Hoo!!!

Ok, we're back. & apparently they're not missing. Lisa & Ben, i mean. They were just out to a movie. Well sure. There are Djinn crawling all over the place but yeah feel free to go run out to see How to Train Your Dragon real quick. Get your head in the game Lisa you're dating (or married to? it's not really clear. Although Dean doesn't have a ring on his finger) a demon hunter! You've got to be prepared for when the baddies attack, UH DUH!!!Hey, hey everybody! It's Bobby! & apparently he already knew Sam was alive. Guess everyone on the planet was aware. With the exception of Dean.Setting up a sting op for the Djinn. Wait a minute, what's going on with the neighbors?Dammit! Commercial...

& now back to the show.Oops, the neighbors are dead. Sorry, Sid. Although if you had just minded your own business you'd probably be at home acting really dull & lame right not. But you've been killed by Djinn. Oh no! Dean has been poisoned by those tattooed Djinn! You get away from him! He's had a VERY rough couple of days.Sam beat one to death with a lamp because he is super awesome!What the fucking F, man! Dean's in Ben's bed, Lisa is on the ceiling Mama Winchester style & Ben is drinking Yellow Eye's blood! Wait, ok that was a hallucination or something. We're all ok. Well, as ok as we can be with the Djinn on the loose.Hey, what are you up to Grandpa Campbell? Are you evil? i'm sorry but i just don't trust these new relations. Something is up. Mark my words.This ep has been confusing. First Sam wants Dean to stay with Lisa & Ben, now he wants him to join him on the road? Awww! Dean's giving Sammy the Impala. But Sam wants him to keep it. Now Sam is just gonna leave? & Dean's just gonna stand there? No, Dean! You wanna hunt! You NEED to hunt! Now go hunt with Sam or this is gonna be an incredibly short season of Supernatural...

Next time on Supernatural...Uh, looks like we might have a monster baby on our hands, y'all.