Megan Carpentier has done it! She shares
her worst dumping experiences over at BitchMedia.

Breaking up almost always sucks no matter which side of the equation
you find yourself on (abusive relationships being sometimes, though not
always, the exception). If you are doing the breaking, you’ve
basically got to have some sort of confrontation with someone you cared
about (and perhaps still care about) that you know will hurt their
feelings, at a bare minimum. If you’re being broken up with, someone
you care about is telling you that your feelings are not and won’t be
requited, and that singlehood is preferable to your company, no matter
how little commitment or emotional attachment there actually is.

I am old enough and have dated enough to have been on both sides of
this ugly divide —and have made enough poor choices to have been
subjected to some (in retrospect) pretty hilarious dumping scenes. So,
if you are absolutely incapable of ending a relationship with dignity,
mutual respect and honesty, at least try not to do it any of the
following ways that were done to me.

10. “My mom doesn’t like me dating white girls.”

9. “My [cult leader] says I can’t keep dating you
unless you join, so how about, for our next date, we attend a meeting?”

8. “My boyfriend isn’t comfortable with us getting
any more serious.”

7. [That’s
radio silence after dating for a while.]

6. “I just can’t handle any drama in my life right
now.”

5. “I just don’t feel like you’re that into me any
more.”

4. “When I said I wasn’t ready to be exclusive, I
meant I wanted to have sex with other people. That didn’t mean you
could!”

3. “I just really think I deserve someone thinner
and prettier.”

2. “Hey, so, just so you know, last night, I totally
fucked this other girl, I just wanted to let you know before anyone
else at this party did, since they were all there when we started
hooking up.”