Republican Party Primary Held In Israel

NEW YORK -The Primaries for the Republican Party’s Nomination have been a bitter and hard fought issue. After expected favorite Rick Perry dropped out do to a lack of charisma, or any leadership abilities at all, it turned into a four way struggle for the nomination. So far, Newt Gingrich has won Georgia, Mitt Romney has taken most of the coastal states while losing the South, the traditional republican stronghold, to Rick Santorum. The Libertarian Ron Paul has remained to principaled to win any states, though he did come very close in Maine.

Yet now, the canidates are turning their attention to the most important ‘nation’ state primary of all. Since its conception in 1967 the Israeli State Primary has remained the most important nomination for presidential hopefulls of either parties to win. Pundits are predicting that whoever wins this primary, will certainly win the final nomination.

The canidates are picking up on this to. Mitt Romney has launched a flashy well funded campaign based out of Tel Aviv while Newt Gingrich has held rallies throughout the non-invented parts of Jerusalum. As part of a hard-hitting campaign sure to reach the ‘hearts and minds’ of his supporters, Rick Santorum has even been seen throwing rocks back at Palastinian children. Yet while the other candidates have been campaigning tirelessly, the clear underdog of the race, Ron Paul has refused to take part in the Israeli Primary.

The libertarian candidate has stated various reasons for this, such as the fact that Israel is a separate country and the fact that the United States has no obligation to defend it and on to other such isolationish rheoric. Such talk and lack of campaigning has led to a steady erosion Ron Paul’s projected support in the Israeli Primary, currently believed to be hovering around three percent. Mitt Romney has condemned Ron Paul’s standoffish stance towards Israel as elitist and out of touch, though he himself has taken criticism for the smallness of his donations of financial support to AIPAC.

At the time of this article, polls taken by The Lapine found support among the three contenders (excluding Ron Paul) to be roughly equal. We shall not speculate on the outcome of this ‘most important’ primary, but we know that regardless of who wins, Israel will win.

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