You Can’t Always Get What You Want

You can’t always get what you want. The Rolling Stones and parents have been telling us this for years, but they’re not all leading by example. The Stones at least qualified by saying, if you try sometimes…you might get what you need.

I was in a store the other day where a teeny-weeny tornado of a child, innocuously dressed in pink, yet she may well have been the spawn of something evil that came from the bowels of a very toasty place, was screaming at the top of her lungs that she wanted something. I believe it was a doll of some kind, but it was hard to tell as her words flowed together in one raging howl. Spittle flew from her small bow lips and her Dora clasped pigtails bobbed wildly as her neck precariously thrashed her tiny head back and forth in classic Exorcist style as she raged against the injustice of not having this toy.
The mother seemed to be holding firm until the volume of the pink virago threatened to shatter glass and then she did something unbelievable, that mother smiled, patted her banshee’s little blonde head and handed her the package, saying they should go pay for it before they went to get lunch at McDonald’s.

I stood, wavering between a slow motion ‘No-o-o-o-o-o-o!’, a facepalm, or standing mouth agape, doing my best impression of a codfish, as I realized the happy silence from the smiling little blonde angel was more deafening than her wailing.

I guess if you scream loud enough and in just the right way, you can always get what you want.
Make no mistake, adults are not exempt from tantrums, we just have them in different ways. We still want what we want when we want it and we want it now!

Our wants often yell louder than our needs. It’s why we date the wrong people, elect the wrong leaders, buy too much, spend too much time on the internet, lie, steal, cheat, overeat, and even make some Shameless poor choices, ok, most aren’t up to the Gallagher family, but our wants are that little blonde girl and our better judgment is that mother.
It’s easy to be so focused on the moment and forget, you shouldn’t be frothing at the mouth to get something.

Is this willingness to give in, to give free rein to our angry little want tantrums why so many people, even biologically adult people say life is unfair and that they hate their life? Life isn’t fair. Who told you it was? You hate their life. How is that even possible? No, you hate something that is happening in, or to your life. There are things I hate about my life, but I don’t hate my life. See the difference?
Yes, the bubblegum raging harridan also hated her life, because she couldn’t have a toy. Wow, red flashing lights for a massive overstatement, please file this under First World Problems.

A child in a refugee camp shivering, scared, and hungry may think she hates her life, but she really hates the situation. A child in a war zone may think he hates his life, but he really hates the effects of war. People in Nepal may feel they hate their life as they reel from the effects of a devastating earthquake, but hating your life over a toy? What’s the name of the doll, Sindy Shallow?

We should think about how much we have, not just about how much we want to have.

What exactly are we wishing for here, a world where everyone has everything? Then what would you wish for?

Keep wishing, keep dreaming, sometimes it’s the best part of a bad day.

well, i’m not so much trying to solve their as I would like to give them some relief, if only a few moments…when I was homeless the thing I hated the most was I couldn’t control my climate…when it was 110 and 80% humidity I had to endure it…so the public library was a nice break…that,s what i’d like to do for the kids

1:1 parenting from day 1 – sorry if any child at that age is acting up so loudly and unruly something occurred from the beginning that started with no discipline. Harsh and opinionated, but teach, train and discipline all lacking and shame on the mother. Imagine what that child will be when she hits her teens and then enters adulthood – makes me sick.

Excellent post – food, housing, safety and trying to just live day-to-day is the hierarchy of what matters most in life.

After my 2nd husband died, I was walking through a high-end mall shop (the fastest way to get where I wanted to go) and heard some teenager wailing her eyes out. Her friends were by her side, comforting her. The problem? She’d broken a nail. Literally.

I smiled and went on.

There’s one thing to remember, a truth that comes back to haunt us: Karma. When that child is 18, has her first job, and throws a tantrum in the office she’ll be fired. Until the day comes where she understands why people are so “mean” to her (which could be when she’s in her 50’s and no longer attractive) she’ll be reaping what she sews.

Some parent’s don’t understand that if children learn certain lessons when they’re young, it can mean the difference between a good life and one where the child inside becomes a miserable excuse for an adult.

I’m sorry to say that I have worked with grown women who have had tantrums and crying jags at work and they were not fired. In fact, they were placated. I was all: wtf? pull yourself together.
I guess you can’t get what you want, but the greasy wheel gets the oil.

Even if you say No, kids are going to cry and try to manipulate you can’t give in. I give my son way too much, but that’s because I can, if he cries for something he does not get it.

I find that in so many places in society, the more whiny, screamy, attention-seeking you are, the more people coddle and give in, but I always think, why would you want to be like that? Maybe it’s getting worse because that’s all people do on reality shows – manipulate to get stuff. Very sad.
You’re very right, you can’t give in, what message does that send? Maybe that they can be on reality shows. 😉

I remember going to the store with a friend once. Her mother told her no to something, but she kept asking. I told my friend to stop asking, but she told me to watch what would happen. I was shocked when the mother bought it. My mother would have dragged me out of the store; she would never have given in to my multiple requests.

I know just what you mean and what my Mom would have said and what I say to my son, ‘now I can’t give it to you even if I wanted to because you asked more than once’. It’s effective, my son never asks more than once, if the answer is ‘no’ he assumes there’s good reason for it and if the answer is ‘yes’, then great. 🙂

My grandchildren spent hours and hours in a refrigerator box fort – it entertained them a lot longer than all the crap kids are being told they must have. A good reminder of how on the other side of the world people are suffering while we moan over broken nails.

Great post Donna — and thank you for the Stones song — finally something that might replace the one that’s been rattling in my head for 2 days (that makes me think sad thoughts of Aspen). Thank you! You Can’t Always Get What You Want seems to be just what i want.
> As for adults throwing tantrums… believe me they can and they do… I’m on the wrong end of at least one a week. Yeesh. Next time i’ll start singing to them –You Can’t Always Get What You Want! 😈

I wonder if that would work, if they would get it or just think you’d lost it, must give it a try. 😉
Thank you for the kind words, Teagan and I’m sorry you had to hear any adult tantrum, it really does make you wonder about some people.
Hope the rest of this week treats you kindly, sweetie, megahugs. 🙂

Great post. Kids do really need to learn that they can’t get everything and that they will not be more happy, just because they get this thing. Happiness come from insight.
It would be really great to give those souls in Nepal a nice experience to get something to dream about for their future.

What I’ve wonder year in and year out is do poverty-stricken children who are given toys at Christmas because every-child-should-have-a-toy-at-Christmas want it or would prefer more food in the cupboard.

Anyway, excellent example and question posed. Well-fed children demand. Hungry children hope and pray for something to eat.

My granddaughters are 7 and 11 and I try to drum that message into their heads. I hope some of it sticks because their parents want to give them everything and I believe they’re not doing them a favor. Have either of them had a tantrum over wanting something? I don’t know.

you weep on so many levels here; for the parent storing up more problems, for the child not being helped to realise how the world really works, for the likes of you seeing such a crass example and despairing, for a society that encourages us to think this might be ok, for the disproportionate spread of wealth that this exemplifies… and on and on…

Boy, there is so much truth here. Excellent post Donna. Perhaps we all know what your saying, but being reminded of it should help us all to teach our children better. We ourselves should be a better example.

I loved this story and I think you make a good point. I found it interesting the idea that we all have a screaming kid inside us that we have to ignore or give into. I’ll remember that next time they are being a spoilt brat and think do I really want them to grow any worse. If I give in they’ll only do it again.

What a great post! Made me smile and cringe and nod my head in agreement the entire time (and love your photos in there – perfect!). First thing – someone set that mom aside and tell her how to parent. Ye gads, can she really be that clueless and WANT to raise another spoiled selfish human being? And we seem to have a lot of those around, which is sad.

That’s exactly right, Donna. And that’s why the second part of Mick’s great classic statement gets not nearly enough play, in print or our memory banks. “But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” The frantic stage arm flapper’s sign-off subtle method of telling us to be patient and think about our lives, I do believe. And you?

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Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & Itisahwâkan - career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. .................................................................. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net