Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I am Meg Whitman, I am Still CEO of eBay Inc.

Dear Diary,Well, this is it diary. My tenure is coming to an end. It's liberating to know that I'm entering a new phase of life, and that I will leave destruction in my wake. It's getting down to the wire with the SEC investigation and the growing number of lawsuits. I'm sure I'm going to be called to testify at some point, but by that time I'll be sitting pretty in my new position and I can always claim ignorance. Shit, I'm a woman. A jury will never put a woman CEO in prison.

The board is having me wrap things up this week. It's going to be a bit chaotic with the fee decrease and earnings report, but the timing of the spin is just as crucial as the spin itself. I've been told to put on an upbeat and strong face during the transition. The board is concerned about Wall Street and how the investors will view my departure. Like so much of society, the board is made up of dimwitted fools.

The board shouldn't worry about Wall Street, it's the sellers they need to worry about.

Oh yes, it is the drones that would worry me. Sure they hate me, it's popular and easy to hate the Queen, but they loathe Donahue even more. And those who don't know that he is a male clone of myself...oh, they will learn. There is nothing so demoralizing to a people as having a new leader replace the old, only to learn that the new leader has the same goals, motives and direction. At first, my mindless drones will rejoice....just watch. Then little by little they will become aware.