Sunday, 20 October 2013

The Great University Job Hunt...Is it over yet?

Shhh....If you listen closely, somewhere out there you can hear the whimpers and cries of a third year undergraduate falling to pieces over a graduate job application...

Panic is in the air. You can almost smell it. Riding the chunder dragon hard, nerves and panic kick in as the innocence of a third year job application is crashed and burned along with the contenders confidence. Big bad hiring managers sit behind a desk that was once the home of the woodland creatures whilst they laugh their designer socks off at the feeble attempts to sound intellectual and well rounded in order to fit the criteria of the unreachable graduate scheme. They throw your application around the staff, having one last running office joke before they chuck it back to you in an email with the response of 'There's always next year...' .... but don't bother trying is what can almost be heard at the end of the sentence.

Those fortunate enough to get through the second round of every-man-for-himself ordeal must start the physical training at the crack of dawn whilst the recruiters fire up the cannonballs and the rings of fire. This ought to make a good YouTube hit, they chuckle to the themselves as the contenders line up on the firing line. Let the hunger games begin...

Sorry I'll stop now, but I have a point right? Okay I know that isn't really what happens in the world of graduate schemes but it is what runs through the mind of every student grasping at straws for a job. It feels like a game of luck when it comes to applying for jobs. The ones you would love to be a part of shoot your confidence in the space of 30 seconds flat with their psychometric tests and if that hasn't killed your ambition then the looks of 'Yeah dream on kid' received from the university careers department sure as hell will.

It's a well known fact among friends, family and the internet that I have zero confidence when it comes to SERIOUS BUSINESS. I can't even go to the pub with new found friends from archery society without embarrassing myself by crossing 'goodbye' and 'bye' with 'gye'...before I could grasp any dignity off the floor I quickly ran out of the pub before I could think to correct myself. What chance do I stand in a job interview?!

In all fairness, I have a fantastic personality if I may say so myself. I'm bubbly, chatty, enthusiastic, friendly, open to new challenges and a bloody hard worker. Yet companies would rather test you through intimidating virtual strategic tests that not even themselves no the correct answer to. How do I show off my dazzling personality to an employer if all they can do if judge me on my philosophic answer of why a triangle is really a circle with a dot in the middle?! You're reading this and thinking 'Girl, you make no sense'. I've been saying that to the job recruitment process yet my voice is yet to be heard.

What's worse for us poor graduate scheme wanters, the pressure. The pressure to leave university with employment. Your parents have spent their entire life supporting you through your education. Attending every parents evening since you were 4, helping you with homework, buying you ingredients for food tech class, coming to watch those awful nativity plays where you were always cast as a tree, transporting your ass and belongings up and down the country twice a term for 3 years..oh and lets not forget the thousands of pounds they provide you with so you can actually attend university. If they can do all that for you over 17 years of education, why are you so incapable of getting a job? All I want to do is turn around to my parents and make them proud with acceptance onto a graduate scheme yet the job system begs to differ.

What was planned to be an insightful blog post on the never ending process of job hunting turned out to be a big disaster on what it's like to be a struggling third year with an irrational fear of words such as 'careers' 'application' and 'deadline'.

If you have gone through the rigorous process of job hunting/applying for graduate schemes then I want to hear your stories and advice. If you are going through this process right now, then I want to hear your thoughts. And if you are a big major company in need of a superstar...then hire me?...pretty please?