Assorted thoughts about life and the universe from a woman on the edge

Life… and death

Whoever you are… it’s been a year since my last blog post. A whole year has passed by since I last felt able to commit my thoughts to the public eye. A few days after my last post, my eldest brother passed away and I’m afraid it sort of floored me. I didn’t feel able to even mention it, much less to bare my soul about it to the internet at large. I began to write a post, but could not continue. My first post therefore, in this new year, will be that which I could not bear to post 12 months ago…..

Ten days ago, one of my brothers died.

That is such a huge sentence for me to write. It’s the first time I am committing this to the public domain. It has taken ten days for me to fully realise that I will not see him, fight with him, curse at him or hug him again in this life. It feels very strange to write that, but almost a relief too.

My brother leaves on earth his ex-wife and their daughter and son, along with his step-daughter, his recent partner and their two daughters, and his two grandsons.

He was 44 years old when he died.

44 – no age to die is it?!

The coroner tells us that there is no definitive cause for his death. I beg to differ. My brother was one of the most passionate people I have ever known. Whatever he did, he did with his whole self, he gave himself completely to his task. He did nothing by halves, as our Grandad often remarked. He loved and hated in equal measure – if you were his friend, you would be a part of him; if you were his enemy, then God help you!

Well, much has happened in the year since Paul died and I won’t try to get you all up to speed here. Suffice to say it took a long time for me to feel like posting this, and I apologise for abandoning my post here. In the coming days and weeks, I hope to come back more often and to try to pick up the pieces, maybe even to finish the post I started a year ago.