Fighting Fair

It's sad, but true. We always fight with the ones we love. We are imperfect people, and imperfect people screw up and get angry with one another. As every newlywed couple learns sooner or later, no matter how much we love each other, we will have a conflict with those close to us.

So it's not a matter of if we fight, but when we fight.

When I was growing up, fighting was bad. Anger was a no-no. We didn't see occasional anger as a natural part of being together, so we didn't always say what we meant, and we weren't always honest with each other. We were too scared of having a fight.

And the result of avoiding one another is not peace, but distance. You can either face the conflict together and get through it together, or you can retreat from it and stay apart. Retreat enough times, and you'll wonder why you bother trying to be together.

So, we should expect to fight with our loved ones from time to time. It can even be a sign of a healthy relationship if it's handled well. The real key is not if, or when, but how. The way we fight determines if we build or destroy our relationship.

We have some guidelines we call the TEN RULES FOR FAIR FIGHTING. Stay tuned for some tips next time at Family Fire!

Deb Koster

Deb Koster is a producer, writer, and speaker for Family Fire. After over 20 years as a Registered Nurse, she is following her passion for family ministry and completing an M.Div. Deb and her husband Steven enjoy leading marriage retreats and family seminars to encourage people in their most intimate relationships. The Kosters are the parents of three awesome young adults and reside in Grand Rapids, MI.

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