I think I might have a form of Alzheimer's disease. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of my awakened slumber and I look around and think to myself, where have I been and how the hell did I get here. I woke up again today. It was sad to realize that I have made it so far asleep, what have I missed. Where would I be now if I hadn't allowed myself to doze off, disappear and give up control.

I forget how beautiful my home state is. I hate that I haven't been exploring it as much as I should. I'm going to get it out of my head that I need a plane ticket to go somewhere fantastic and magical and just get in my car more often.

During the month of February I was lucky enough to go to Guatemala with Ali Hynek and her family to photograph a little bit behind the scenes of their company, Nena and Co. Nena and Co. Ali has made it possible for the Maya women to be paid a fair price for the beautiful skilled textile work.

Guatemala was beautiful, the people were beautiful and the colors were phenomenal, as you can see below I was in photography heaven.

I am so happy to have been able to witness the first hand how much Ali and her family love their Native country and how they are working to give back all they can where they see need.

Check out Nena and Co. if you would like to see the magic she makes with the magic of the textiles.

I like to peruse through ACME Camera CO in Sugarhouse. I love the store, it's like Cheers (where at least the owner knows me name). I saw this what I thought was lame contraption Fujifilm polaroid printer. I mean what is the fun of just printing the crap you already shot and then again in another medium. I decided to rent it anyway. HOLY SHMOLY. I love it. I have had so much fun saying goodbye to all of my dollars as I print the love from my phone to little tangible baby photos.

I know it's over done, over said, contrite, fatigued, overcooked, strained and exhausted by so many girls today BUT GOSH DAMN IT, I LOVE IMAGERY. I LOVE IT. I LOVE DRAWING AND TAKING AND CREATING AND FEELING AND GETTING PISSED OFF AND FIND LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. If I swore more freely this post would be much more wordy and passionate but I know my mother would be sad and she always tells me no one wants to marry a woman to swears like a sailor.

God is great when you open yourself up to him and stop trying to tell him what you want. If you are patient, he will open a path for you. I am on that path. I feel it. I love it. It is not easy. But here I go.

I know we all have those days when all of a sudden it hits you like a ton of bricks that you haven't been living the way you promised yourself. That you have been going through the motions at work, thinking of how you can make more money. Your heart sinks deep into your chest while you count backwards the many months you forgot to do what scared you. It feels like a waste. Time is too damn precious.

4 years ago I met two of the most incredible women I have ever come to know. I knew we would be lifelong friends after they stayed up late waiting for me to come back from a midnight rendezvous with a random man in our African compound (nothing happened, mom). We stayed up late and chatted about religion, love, life and family. To this day they are my biggest examples, I want them to know that they have blessed so many others with their giant charitable hearts.

This Summer these two women joined families when their son and daughter married on another. I was so happy to be there, to act as a fly on the wall and witness so many sacred moments. This was a special wedding for me. I am so joyous to know love like this exists. Thank you Shannin, Kaylene and Blaire, you are all that is beautiful and strong in the world.

Getting around to scanning things, blogging, and all the other things I should be doing. This lil article came out earlier this year. I feel a little silly about sharing it but here ya go! Thanks to all of those who have helped me chip away to get at the heart of life.

I was hesitant about sharing these photos because they felt very sacred to me. But what the hell… they are beautiful and I want to share them. I have know and adored Jill for many years, she has always been someone I have looked up to and admired. From a distance I have watched her family grow, and a few months ago I needed some healing while in California and asked if I could come photograph her new little boy. I am sure you can see the love this family has for one another. I admire Jill's husband more than he knows. I see the way he looks at his wife and his children and I wish there were more men like him on the earth. Either way, going through these I teared up a bit. It is an amazing thing to whiteness so much love.

I will be holding two workshops in February. The first of the two will be held Saturday the 8th. This day will be a crash course intro to photography, you will learn to use your camera manually and gain control to get the look you desire. Come to understand depth of field, motion, light, posing and the importance of composition.

The second workshop will be held on Saturday the 15. This will be crash course in Studio/lighting and Creativity. Learn to get the most of natural light, strobe lights, continuous light, on-camera flash as well as some fun alternative lighting methods. We will also be playing with different lenses from tilt shift, zoom, fixed and even the lens baby. I will be sharing methods on ways to transform any room into your own studio.

Saturday Feb 8th

INTRO TO PHOTOGRAPHY AND BEING RAD AT IT

-Get to know your camera better, you will never want to shoot anything other than manual after class

-Learn the ins and outs of different lenses, hands on look at the effects of shooting with a long lens vs. short and get the depth of field you want for your images

-Understanding light better and make any situation work with you instead of against you

- Styled shoot with model and some quick tips for posing and getting your subjects to relax

-Talk of the creative process and getting beyond the norm

-Delicious Breakfast and lunch provided

-Fun give-aways and a booklet of the information you will learn

Saturday Feb 15th

LIGHTS, CAMERA AND STUDIO

-Strobe lights vs. continuous light sources

-Making your on-camera flash work for you instead of against you

-Alternative lighting methods, getting creative with light and finding something new to play with

-Learn simple and inexpensive tricks to making your home/garage into your own personal studio

-Making natural light your best friend

-Styled shoot to get to see the studio in action and get hands on experience with all of the equipment

Classes are 350.00 each or 600.00 for both days. This will an investment truly worth making as you will come away with a much deeper understanding of the art of photography which will come through in every image you take from then after. Classes will be taught in my downtown SLC studio. Classes will start 9am and end at 5pm.

I am just a little pathetic when it comes to my dog max. He has made my life hell, cleaned out my savings account a few times from crazy vet bills, eaten more of my belongings than could fill a room and he smells like a dirty rag, even after he is bathed...

I want to be clear that I am not a "cat-lady" and he is not a substitute for children or a husband, (although I want like 5 babies and maybe a few husbands) he is just a creature that I love dearly, who comes with me to the studio each day, gets sad when I am gone too long and sleeps at the foot of my bed each night. He really is a wonderful little guy. Today was busy and loud and once the studio got quiet he was there to keep me company. Photographed him with some instants in hopes I will still have him with me when he grows old and goes away.

Last week I primarily shot polaroids. needed a break from shooting too much and needed to slow things down. These moments mean the world to me, being with my family means the world to me. I am a thankful and I will continue to be thankful beyond my November.

*My favorite of the shots is the last one. My brother, being his coolest self. Thanks for the laughs.

My sister-in-law told me I was vague in my posts and writing and I have to say she is right. With that being said, I have been thinking a lot about sharing and over-sharing and the lost art of privacy and how to share what I do and what I love without contributing to something I feel so fickly frustrated about.