Friday, July 27, 2012

LOCK 'EM UP!

The Corporation for
Confinement of Americans states today in a press release that the solution to
the unemployment problem can be found within the walls of their
institutions. With stiffer prison sentences more men, women, and children
can be used to produce consumer goods for a small fraction of the minimum
wage. Given the high recidivist rate among the prison population, these
employed positions can continue indefinitely with only brief intermittent
breaks, eliminating the need for paid leave. Furthermore, many unemployed citizens
desperate enough to feed themselves and their families will succumb to robbing
grocery stores and other retail outlets. Considering the rising
popularity of personal guns for protection, such numerous
novice criminals are likely to commit felonies that will add to the rolls of
inexpensive labor. The CCA claims the endeavor shows such promise as to
suggest the return of the United
States to a manufacturing powerhouse.
A lateral benefit would be a whole new class of guaranteed consumers, for the
correctional population would of course be buying many of the goods they make
in their secured jobs. In this system everybody benefits: business
succeeds, people work and buy, and the streets of the nation are safer,
quieter, and less crowded with slackers, deadbeats, and otherwise useless riffraff.