Disclaimer:
If you haven’t heard about Yuyun, you are probably the lucky one. I wish I could keep you from knowing who was Yuyun and what had happened to her, but I couldn’t. And I shouldn’t. So, before I even begin, I would like to apologise if this particular post ruins your beautiful day.

***

Yuyun was a 14 year old, Indonesian middle school girl who was allegedly kidnapped and gang raped by fourteen boys. She was on her way back from school that day, and she never made it home.

I don’t know what is different from this particular case, that it has got the mainstream media attention. Is it because that she is still really really young? Is it because the number of rapists? Is it because the fact that she was killed on the scene? Or… Is it because it is time for Indonesian people to recognise that we do have rape culture in our society? — so I hope.

Since I was really young, I was taught to dress modestly by my parents. Girls would have to wear a vest underneath their white shirts so if the shirt happens to be see-through they wouldn’t inadvertently showed off their underwear. My mum would wear petticoat when wearing light coloured skirt or dress, or something that slightly fitting to avoid indecent exposure. Can you imagine how hot it was wearing all those layers in a tropical country like Indonesia.

Very. That’s the answer.

But we did it. I don’t mind doing it at school as it is a part of a uniform and most of the time we will be indoor. But we did it outside the school. And what is it for? To prevent the unwanted. To protect ourselves from being a victim, because we know… we know exactly what would happen when we become a victim.

We will be blamed because we are not wearing enough layer. Or that our skirts are few centimetres too short than the decent length. We will be blamed for walking alone. Especially after dark. Because good women would cover themselves up, and not being seen outside without chaperones. And bad women? Well… they’re asking for it.

Now… that’s depressing, isn’t it? That’s why I am so lucky.

I got away.

But that couldn’t be the solution for millions of women in Indonesia (and many other countries like Indonesia). Not everybody could get away from that kind of situation.

Maybe.

Maybe Yuyun case is different.

If there should be a silver lining from this terribly sad story, it must be that this could be the turning point for Indonesia and law to protect women in this country. Maybe Yuyun would be the Indonesian equivalent for the Indian Jyoti Singh. Maybe this time everybody will take action.

Facebook feed is definitely a source of writing inspiration nowadays. Especially if you have different kind of people in your list — people from different cultural backgrounds, age group, jobs or expertise, etc, who love posting statuses, or sharing stories. Or in this particular day, someone from my list shared a video.

It is not just a video. It is a video from a TED talk. A boy. A teenage boy. Talking about how — according to him — school is making us less intelligent. I couldn’t post the video directly from facebook, so I went to youtube and found it there for you — obviously to make your lives so much easier.

You’re welcome.

There. What do you think?

Do you agree with what he said? That school makes us less intelligent? So, should we all just drop the education and stop going to school altogether — for the sake of creativity?

Or, you can start seeing the flaw in his argument — when he started contradicting himself about the meaning of success, and that there are different kind of intelligences? I let him off for that one, mainly because he is still young, and probably he didn’t get the chance to learn that in academic writing such flaws would be heavily scrutinised by the professors.

Now? Now I am working with languages, and I love it. I still wish I took that Language Class. If I did, I might be better now in my German. Maybe I didn’t have to start from the very beginning. Maybe I would have got a basic knowledge of German or French… Who knows?

I also agree with him that there are different kind of intelligences. I too have witnessed so many of my friends who were considered as stupid, or slow has flourished after they graduated high school and took art and design route, or music, or business. Something that they didn’t learn at school at all.

But how about people who don’t have that “specialities”? How about people who are just the average? People who needs to get a basic level of education to get a job — to get money — to feed their family, etc.

What this boy said about “school makes us less intelligent” is not unfamiliar for me at all. I have heard the same argument over and over again, only at that time when I was younger it was “school doesn’t make us rich” or “school doesn’t guarantee our success“.

But.. success…

This is what I considered as the hole in this boy’s argument. He started impeccably when he said that people are unique because they have their own unique intelligences, but he forgot that we also have our own unique aspirations. For him success is having a flourished company, that makes a lot of money — that’s why he argued that he is better at managing a company than those who graduated from Harvard. For some people it is being a president, or an MP. For other… it is having a happy family.

For me, it is mastering 10 languages, and writing books.

So, if you ask me if you should drop out from school… well… you probably might.

We have had this conversation a long time ago when I was still hanging out with Onyed’s friends. It was almost ten years ago, can you believe that? So when the question was raised again not so long time ago, on one of my acquaintances on their facebook status. Basically these people are questioning the paternal instinct of people who are supporting LGBT in Indonesia.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t screenshot their status, nor link you back to them, because I don’t want them to go viral. I am with “don’t make stupid people popular” thing, so you should — unfortunately, take it from me or leave it 🙂

Basically they’re saying that they believe that human rights shouldn’t cover being gay or lesbian. They believe that it has gone too far. And to be fair, I don’t care of what they are believing in — it is their human rights after all to have faith in something. But then in the end of their argument they’re asking this:

“To people who are supporting LGBT, what would you feel if it is your child that is gay?”

Ten years ago, I thought it would be fine. Of course. It would be okay to have a gay child. But now I start to question my answer. Do I really want to have a gay child in Indonesia — where they would be persecuted by being themselves? Would I have the heart to let them be bullied by these bigots? If I have a gay child, my problem would not be the fact that they are gay, but the fact that they will have a difficult life in Indonesia.

But what would I feel?

I would feel the same. I would love them all the same. I would support them, and help them to find their true happiness. I would do what I think a parent should do for their children, after making them suffer enough by being born to this world.

I shouldn’t think differently.

Wait… wait… What’s that? Oh! I can hear some of you say: “You are not a parent, and you don’t want to have children anyway… you wouldn’t know how it feels to have a gay child.”

Of course. Well then…

My question is, what would THEY (these idiots) do if they have gay children?

Persecute them? Beat them up until they “repent”? Disown them? Lock them up in their room to straighten them up? Or like my parents — bring them to a psychiatrist who drug them with zoloft to “cure” their gayness?

Don’t you think it sounds like an abuse? Maybe… maybe you’re the one who shouldn’t have a child, just in case you might abuse them in the future…

Some people don’t consider using the word “Cina” to refer to Chinese Indonesian as a racist comment. But, the word “Cina” is the equivalent of the N word in the USA. If it is said by an African American, it is fine (sort of), but when a White American said it… it is improper. Same with the C word in Indonesia.

It is historical. It is cultural. Lots of people haven’t gotten over it as it has a negative connotative for being used as a derogative term for minority group.

So… when someone with the position like this Mr. Ambassador said the C word in public space, with or without malice, it is considered as a political blunder. A huge one, if I must say.

But here’s the thing.

I, for once, am not a PC Police. I don’t go around the social media attacking people who made the slightest social or cultural faux pas. I don’t even care about political correctness if it is about telling facts. So, I am not going to follow the crowd and condemn this tweet. I consider this as a PR crisis. Told you many years ago that these politicians need to hire people like me to manage their bloody social media. But nobody listens *rolleyes*.

And what if it is not a PR crisis? What if it is not a political blunder? What if this tweet is not just a mistake, but a reflection of how racist this guy is? So what?

I can’t make someone to be not-racist. Nobody can make someone to be not-racist, and it is the same the other way around. Can you… if you are not a racist, be made racist? No.

There is a place inside your brain that nobody can touch. It is where you are truly free, to be yourself. There is no right and wrong about the thing in your head. And if you have a certain idea about something or someone, that is your perception based on your own experience, based on what you’ve heard or seen. There is no such thing as thought crime.

See…

Generalisation. Stereotyping. The kind of thing that you consider so bad is actually the way our brain work to simplify our lives. It is one of our basic instinct and survival tool. It is in the nature. It is been there to help us making sense of the world.

In the past mankind generalise animal as either prey or predator. That’s how they choose which animals they can eat and which one they should avoid. That’s survival. They classified plants to help them understanding the nature. Race, ethnicity… it is how we try to make sense of human’s uniqueness. It helps some people, to reduce the feeling of unknown.

This is humane. And this is what many PC polices don’t understand.

Some people just can’t help being racist. Especially in Indonesia where it is rooted, and where it is being taught from generation to generation. It has been drilled to people’s mind and being reinforced by radical groups. It is something that you can only hope will change slowly. It is not something that you can change overnight.

Heck.. we just start recognising this in Indonesia since 1998. We still have a long way to go.

Don’t get me wrong.

It does hurt when I read or listen to this kind of aggression. Micro or macro, it doesn’t matter. It still hurt no matter how much understanding you could give to these people. Sometimes even, I would retaliate, but most of the time, I’d rather write.

Like this.

Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe, it could help people to understand too.

I thought we were past this now, and I cannot believe that today, in 2016 I have to write about LGBT again. *deep sigh* *find a happy place*

Right!

I tried to find articles about LGBT I have written in the past. I couldn’t find them. Do you know why? Probably, I have never written about LGBT before. And do you know why? Maybe, in the past people were not such an asshole like people in Indonesia today. Maybe in the past, despite of their opinion about us, they would just leave us alone. Or maybe in the past, people were nicer without so called religions.

from upi.com

I don’t know. All I know is that now media tried to picture us as the bad guy of the universe. Not the people who bombed buildings, not terrorists who ran around shooting police officers, not the group of people who destroy buildings and businesses in the name of their oh-so-mighty-god. Oh no… not the religious leaders who molested their apprentices/students-whatever, not the wife beating abusive father drunken thug who litters on the street. No. The enemy is us… What a sick, twisted mind, that could produce such an ignorant conclusion – thinking that LGBT is a problem?

Or maybe they just don’t think? You know… thinking is a sign of intelligence. Considering Indonesian’s average IQ is only 87 — and there are ten of thousands of us with IQ more than 100 (with some people with IQ more than 130 in Mensa Indonesia), there must be millions of people with IQ lower than 80. It is borderline intellectual functioning. Isn’t it? No wonder they are just so dense… no wonder they failed to contemplate this:

Translated from Bahasa Indonesia: “if a GAY sexually abuses someone, people blame their GAY-ness. Why is it that if a STRAIGHT does the same, it is the individual that gets the blame? (Why don’t you blame their STRAIGHT-ness – as the reason why they sexually abuse people?)

It is 2016. It’s been 10 years since I got acquainted with LGBT communities — from si Onyed, obviously. Superbyq is about to have it’s 6th anniversary. It’s been more than 4 years since I left Indonesia, and almost 2 years of being married. And Indonesia… is going backwards, instead of catching up with other civilised countries. What the F is going on?

If several days ago, Mr. Fix-It and I had the “what if” idea, and thinking of coming back to Indonesia and live there. Now, I don’t think that is the case. I don’t want to live in Indonesia. I don’t think I could live among these people. I don’t think I could survive living among these idea. I don’t think, I could give up my freedom of being me, and going back to where I have to deny my own identity.

** disclaimer: lots of swear words, so if you don’t like it you can get the fuck out**

One of the reasons why I would like to spend weeks in Indonesia is because I want to see a Gynaecologist. I have been waiting for about three months to get a coil inserted, but I haven’t got one until today. And I am tired of taking pills. It has changed my mood, changed my body, and I just found out today that I have gained at least 8 kgs. I know that waiting is not an option for me, I just want to get this over with and move on to the better part of my life.

So I saw a Gynaecologist today. Told him that I want to get a coil inserted. I have done my homework, done my research. I know the pro and cons, and I know the possible pain and also possible side effects. I know almost everything I need to know before I see the doctor. And I bloody know that that bloody thing can be installed inside my fuckin womb any time of the day. ANY FUCKING TIME.

and this is the link: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud

This so called Gynaecologist is my mum’s doctor. It is said that he is one of the best in my hometown. Maybe. Maybe it is because he is one of the oldest, so he has got more experience in his hand. But now you have a clue that he’s probably not the best for me.

He is a guy.

He is old.

Old guy doesn’t know what a woman my age needs, and wants. I WANT a copper coil to be stuck in my womb, because I NEED to make sure I am not going to get pregnant. And he doesn’t understand it. He kept mentioning that I am not 30, and that I might want to have a child first before going ahead with the idea of contraception. Why the fuck I am seeing him for a bloody IUD if I want to have a fucking child?

I am fumed now. So pardon my language.

He kept asking about my husband and whether he wants a child or not. Why the fuck everybody asks about his decision? This is my fucking womb and I make the fucking decision. Can’t his bloody brain process that fucking little information? Of course not. My womb, my decision. My womb, my decision. It will be my decision if I would like to let a life sucking parasites growing inside me for a nine fucking months or not. Not people around me. Especially not men.

I started to realised that the lights in the end of the tunnel might be the train coming towards me when the doctor told me that he could only do it when I am having period. I know my request to him to make me infertile is futile because I know he is lying. I CAN get the coil inserted any times of the month. Any fucking time. It might be a little bit painful, but I knew it already.

He also emphasised on how painful it could be when it is inserted to someone who has not yet have a child. I knew it too. Like I said, I have done my homework. Afterall, talking about pain… giving birth to babies is more painful than any coil insertion, I suppose?

I asked about a more permanent solution — fertilisation. And he just rejected the idea outright. Maybe the light in the end of the tunnel is really a train.

I went home with horrible feeling. I had some much hope. I have never had any thought of self harming until the day the doctor sent me home without any assurance on when I could get the coil done for me. I thought of stabbing myself in the stomach to damage the womb permanently, or the ovary, or whatever, so that the doctor would have to take it away from me. I don’t want it. I want it go away.

So… What am I going to do now?

I am not going to take more pills. And, I am going to find a way to get myself impregnable. One way or another. And if there’s any one of you have anything against this decision, I have a knock knock game for you.

My friends and I were talking about the woman who got arrested in Belgium for attacking a police officer when she was asked by the officer to take the full face veil off. It was not a recent news, but it was still a good topic for a deep conversation with your fellows. The premise is: Belgium bans any head gear which cover one’s face, and in this case it is called burqa (burka) in public spaces. And, that most of us in the conversation group believe that what Belgium (and France) has done by banning burqa in public space is a good preventative step to protect other citizen.

I said most, because… One of the fellow in the conversation group argues that the banning of burka is against the universal declaration of human rights. He quoted UDHR, articles 18 about the freedom of religion.

Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

I have to admit that I quite like the fact that he cited the UDHR. I mean, there are a lot of people who would utter their opinion while completely dismissing facts, evidence, or any supporting documents. What this guy did was basically trying to challenge my belief that banning burqa is actually a good thing.

So, is it true then? Is it true that France and Belgium has violate the universal declaration of human rights for banning burqa in public spaces? Because what he said is true, that the government has basically limit someone’s right to practice, and manifest her religion or believe in public. Well… partially true.

There’s one thing about RIGHTS that someone forgets. RIGHTS always come together with RESPONSIBILITIES. There is no such thing as the unlimited rights. It is limited, to a certain degree. And if you go a little bit further, you would be able to see the explanation of UDHR article 18 about the right to freedom of thought and religion:

Article 18
1. Everyone shall have the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion. This right shall include freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice, and freedom, either individually or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in worship, observance, practice and teaching.
2. No one shall be subject to coercion which would impair his freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice.
3. Freedom to manifest one’s religion or beliefs may be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary to protect public safety, order, health, or morals or the fundamental rights and freedoms of others.
4. The States Parties to the present Covenant undertake to have respect for the liberty of parents and, when applicable, legal guardians to ensure the religious and moral education of their children in conformity with their own convictions. respect the exclusive character of the responsibilities of the Secretary-General and the staff and not to seek to influence them in the discharge of their responsibilities.

There you go. The guy in our discussion group only mentioned the first part of the article. He probably forgot that the third part of the article explained about how the rights could be limited, when it is needed to protect public safety, order, bla bla… and the fundamental rights and freedom of others.

In Belgium in particular, it is necessary for the police officer to ask the said woman to take her face veil off. Brussels had been in so much pressure lately. The city got locked down after the Paris attack, and almost every day you could see on the news that there are more and more radicalised group being arrested for planning terrorism. It is important for people in the country to be able to feel safe, and feel that the government is doing something.

The fact that so many terrorists were identified through CCTV makes it just sensible to ask people to show their face if they’re out in public. Isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

Right. I am not going to make you agreeing with me, because that’s not what I am trying to do in here. I understand that some people has their very idea of what freedom is. I believe that there is no such thing as the unlimited freedom, even when you live alone in the jungle — you are still limited by the space of the jungle. All I say is that if you can’t live by the rule, you still have the freedom to move somewhere else where you can do what you want to do without breaking the law.

Isn’t that what many Indonesian has been doing all these time? Going abroad to get married because in Indonesia inter-religion marriage is not accepted? Isn’t that what many Irish people has been doing all these time? Going to England to get an abortion for the unwanted pregnancies? Isn’t that what many British people has been doing all these time? Going to Switzerland to get an assisted dignified death?

Months ago when the media started to pick up the migrant and refugee situation, I told my husband that we were lucky that in the UK, our Prime Minister decided not to back down with the European Union’s idea of taking in refugees coming from Syria. It was definitely not a popular opinion, and many has branded me either racist or fascist.

I mean, how silly is that?

We are living in a world where political correctness has taken over the freedom of speech, and freedom of thought. I agree that some people are just dickheads who would say anything out of spite, which some people deemed as hate speech. This is where the the blurred line is drawn. How do you know when you’re being critical to an ideology, or when you are just being purely hateful?

In my own definition of hate speech and freedom of speech, the line is drawn where the opinion is targeted to. I believe that ideologies, ideas, opinions, as well as beliefs are open for criticism. You can criticise liberalism, democracy, capitalism or socialism, nihilsm, humanism, Christianity and of course Islam as an ideology, but… it has turned into a hate speech when you start attacking a person, personality or their lifestyle.

How about the sentence “British women going to Syria to fight alongside ISIS and being a jihadi bride is stupid”? Does it mean that the women were stupid – which is an attack to a person? Or does it mean that going to Syria to be a jihadi bride is stupid – which is a criticism towards the idea of going to a war torn country to marry a terrorist she never knew?

Back to the day when I said that I was glad that our PM refused to accept those so called refugees. Why did I say that they were “so called” refugees?

Simple Definition of refugee

: someone who has been forced to leave a country because of war or for religious or political reasons

Full Definition of refugee

: one that flees; especially: a person who flees to a foreign country or power to escape danger or persecution

So… If someone has fled from Syria to Turkey for example, then Turkey government had to take them in because they are refugees. I can deal with it. But since Turkey is not a war torn country and that these people were not persecuted in Turkey, once these refugees left Turkey to find a better life in Europe their status would change into… “economic migrant”. Can you follow the logic up to this point? If you can, please continue…

If, these people who is now an economic migrant tried to enter a country illegally, their status would be now an illegal immigrant. Would you be surprised if a country would reject these people as they are now illegal immigrant?

No. I totally support them.

When PM Cameron decided only to take proper refugees — those who are from the refugee camp to the UK, after the Home Office got all the documents and background check, many British citizen called him inhumane and embarrassment to the country. They got so defiant and even printed a sticker saying that “refugees welcome” and put it in their house’s window. Why? I think it is just because that was the most PC thing to do or say.

I wonder what is in their mind when Norway had to teach these people about consent and rape. I wonder what is in their mind when France and Belgium is now dealing with terror attacks. I wonder what they are saying now after Germany — who has accepted more than a million refugee now is dealing with sex attacks in several cities (most notably Cologne). Angela Merkel is now tightening the border and wouldn’t let any more refugees in. But isn’t it a bit late for that?

Of course some apologist would say that there’s no link between the sex attacks and the refugees, and that we shouldn’t generalise refugees and crime rate. No we don’t generalise. We don’t say ALL refugees are shit because that would be hate speech (according to my own definition of hate speech I said above). We are saying that the idea of taking shitload of people without checking their background beforehand is just the definition of silly. We are saying that ultimately the government’s responsibility is not to the welfare of the refugees, but to protect its own citizen first and foremost.