"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion & the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) A daily devotional especially intended to offer compassion to other challenged parents of kids with special needs. Visit our home page at www.snappin.org!

Monday, January 6, 2014

You're not a bad parent.

As Jesus was walking
along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth.“Rabbi,”
his disciples asked him, “Why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own
sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was
not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,”Jesus answered.“This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. John 9:1-3 NLT

Do you
kind of feel like the person in the middle of the picture sometimes? Everyone is judging you. The looks, the whispers, the ignoring, the pointing
fingers, and the unwanted advice are sometimes almost too much to bear. Everyone is an expert and KNOWS what is best
for your child. You are clueless and
doing a disservice to your special needs child.
It just makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m the perfect parent or that
I’ve got all of the answers. I’ve made
my fair share of mistakes in the parenting department. What I am saying is that every time someone
gets cancer, ill, needs glasses, is born with an invisible illness… it doesn’t
necessarily mean that it’s a direct consequence of their or their parent’s
sin. Cause and affect are often hard to
figure out in this sinful world we live in.

This
became very clear to me when our adult child was diagnosed with Borderline
Personality Disorder and an anxiety disorder. A high percentage of those with
Borderline Personality Disorder have had abuse or trauma in their life. Often people look at these families with a
fine toothed comb with the assumption
that something bad was or is going on in that home. Our family was no exception. On top of that, often one of the symptoms is
the lack of insight into their illness, so they don’t think they are sick and
resist help. They tell people things to
make it seem like others are to blame for their behavior and often they are
believed. Lastly, many symptoms are
counter to Christian behavior and the lack of understanding and help from other
Christians can make it a very painful and lonely experience.

With all
of the sincere but bad advice offered to us I probably had an easier time
extending grace to my family and friends since I was just like them before my
family was directly touched by these disorders.
I was judging them. If it wasn’t
verbally, it was at least privately.
Sadly, I was doing the very things that I now understood to be counter-productive
and sometimes even hurtful.

I had to
change my way of thinking and not only extend grace but also know where my understanding
and wisdom comes from. I had to look to
the only One that could help me discern how I was doing in the parenting
department. Once I did this, it was
easier to deflect the negative comments, the shunning, and ignorant
advice. One of my favorite comments was
“It’s all in their head.” (translation: Nothing is really wrong. You just need to set your son straight.) My reply was usually “Of course it is.” What I really wanted to say was, “Of course
it is. Brain disorders are in the head
where the brain is. You are so smart to
know this.” I wanted to say this with an
attitude of sarcasm but that would
have been me talking instead of Jesus.

I came to
realize that our son’s disorders were not because we were bad parents. I had to stop believing that lie. I reflected on how we parented the best we
knew how at the time and we made mistakes along the way. We also did many things right. I had to sometimes stay away from people or
places to protect myself from the hurtful comments when I knew I was too
vulnerable to deflect the stinging words.
I had to keep my focus on Jesus and not the circumstances that
surrounded me daily.

This
year, I encourage you to purpose to look to God for your wisdom instead of
man. Whether your child is biological or
adopted does not matter. God made you to
be the perfect parent for that child and that child to be the perfect child for
you to parent. He has given you the
heart only a parent can have for their child and the where with all to know
what’s best for your son/s and/or daughter/s.

Did you
notice the second half of the verses above?
Jesus answers the question about the why. Stay tuned tomorrow for “Where'd you get your super power?"

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All content at Comfort In The Midst of Chaos is the exclusive expression of SNAPPIN' MINISTRIES, INC and does not necessarily represent the views, opinions or positions of any affiliated partner, church or sponsor.