In shock

Full Member

I was on my way into town yesterday teatime for a night out. I was meant to be sticking to a couple of glasses of wine and soda waters.

I got a phone call on the way to tell me my cousin had committed suicide only 1 hour before. Well I was in shock and it was not expected. He was such a happy go lucky guy and although I have seen little of him in adult life I idolised him at school and spent a lot of happy years with him and his siblings growing up.

Anyway the news was enough for me to say b**locks to the diet for one night and I hit the wine not in a major way but I decided for one night a few more glasses than intended would not hurt.

Feeling OK this morning just feel for everyone that is left behind. My hubby thinks its a cowards way out so I am not getting sympathy from him. He sees it very black and white. I agree it is a cowards way out but how desperate must one be feeling to do it. What state of mind would one be in to do it in the garage where your wife or 3 kids under 6 might find you?

All these questions and no answers. How lonely must he have been feeling to not be able to talk his problems through with anyone

I am going to make a coffee as I am welling up writing this

On a brighter note is summer finally here what a lovely morning the sun is shining and I am planning on spending the day in the garden

Silver Member

Oh Jo, what can I say ?
I am writing this with tears as I am so moved and so very sorry for you and all the other people who knew and loved him. Its so sad, and makes you look at life so very differently, dosent it.
I have been where you have been in the past when a male friend committed suicide and it just shakes your world, wonderering what kind of incredible despair drove them to this.
My heart goes out to you and yours, stay strong hun.

has started again!!

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. It is totally tragic, and so sad that he felt so bad that he chose to leave a young family behind. It must have been a very tough time for him, and I have to say I can understand the thoughts of suicide, totally selfish though it is.

Be strong, both for yourself and the others around you who now need enormous support to get through this tragedy.

Silver Member

Hi Jo
Hope you are feeling a little better today, we have had a bit more sunshine to lift our sagging spirits. My neighbbour and friend committed suicide on a dark cold wet night in February and the next day was one of those rare warm sun filled days we get in winter and I went for a long walk in the woods near my house. He loved the sun , and I just coudnt help thinking 'you just coudnt have done what you did today, you would have seen the hope in a new bright day and no matter what whas on your mind found a way to struggle through'.
Its so tragic , and the worst thing is the pain thats left behind for all those who loved the person gone. Its because of this pain left for others that leads some people like your OH to assume that suicide is a cowardly act, but I personally dont think its true. I think it must take incredible guts to do this , and I also think it takes incredible love for others to do it as well. As someone said , he probaly thought he was doing this for them , that they would fare better without him, and for him this was the ultimate act of unselfish love , a sacifice for then to be Ok. We logically know this isnt right but in the depths of despair thats what a lot of suicides really do think. Maybe they had money worries and he saw this as a way to secure thier future, or that they really would be better off without him, but off course they wont, thats the very, very sad thing that never goes away unfortunately.
I hope your family learn to cherish his memory and can remember him as he was and forgoet how he chose to go.
My thoughts are with you and yours.

Silver Member

Really sorry to hear this. I have known people who have commiited suicide and it leaves a huge casm of guilt, loss, what if's for people left behind. I have enormous sympathy for thise who di take their own lives. To be so miserable & desperate to want to end it is one thing but to do it goes against all human depre for self preservation. Big hugs for you. This book is excellent for working through the pain of knowing someone who has committed suicide so may be able to help you or you buy it for his wife? Prayers & hugs for you all.Amazon.co.uk: A Special Scar: The Experiences of People Bereaved by Suicide: Books: Alison Wertheimer

Trainee Maintainer

I shivered when I read your post, Jo. A good friend of mine took his own life 8 years ago and I know that life must have become totally unbearable for him to do that to his family (who were still coming to terms with the death of another son). I wish that he could have confided in me or another friend (no-one knew the extent of his depression, he kept it well hidden). I feel that your friend must have thought that his family would have been better off without him, and that he was doing the right thing for them.

What a simply terrible legacy to leave to his children... they will never understand why they were not enough for him.

Full Member

Thanks everyone for your words of support and it really does mean a lot.

Well diet went on hold this weekend. I decided life was too short and would take a weekend off. I am back on the packs tomorrow though need to get a couple of lbs off before my hols next weekend. Now not sure if I will be here for the funeral hope so but cant not go on holiday either.

Spent the day with my aunts and cousins and if anything could come out of such a tragedy it is that we are all promising to be in touch more and do things together. My sis has rebuilt bridges which she severed 7 years ago with the family.

Anyway going to relax in front of the TV and chill before and early night