Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

OK, so during most of my life the goal has always been to last long, go stronger, etc, etc. To this end (as most of you guys probably have) I read about Kegel squeezing, masturbation, hold and repeat, cock rings, etc, etc.

Here's the problem now...lasting too long. Of course some of the problem has been physical recently (too much too drink, too tired, fan blowing on my balls, 2nd performance, too much lube, condom, etc) but some of it has been mental too. As soon as I she has had her fill and she starts to wander a bit, I start thinking, "My God, cum already" and it just gets worse and worse... Once on a 2nd round the words, "come on baby, don't make me feel like a failure" were uttered...wow, that was a major drag. So know I got that in my head every time too.

I've laid off the masturbation to some success, but it still seems to take too long. No such thing as a quickie for this guy!

Any other suggestions for getting the feeling back? Getting it up and keeping it up are not an issue at this point (thank GAWD!) I avoid the profiles that want the quick load. That's too much pressure! LOL

I have never in my life cum too quickly -- not one time that I can remember. Not the first time alone or the first time with a girl - nada. I think the shortest time in my life - even when masturbating was around 3 minutes.

I'm not bragging since I have the opposite problem - just saying I was TOLD I had to go longer so I could be a "good lover" and satisfy the girl.

When I started having sex the jokes were all about men who couldn't last and couldn't satisfy a woman, so I THOUGHT I had to hold out longer. And longer. And longer so now it takes up to an hour or more.

It is all mental.

Cedar Rapids IA

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-----kinddragon "Amen to that sabrinasslave! :) It always bothers me when I hear how it's 'all about her, all about her', ...sometimes the male doesn't even cum at all because it's 'all about her! I don't get it ... and i think it's awfully boring too! Everyone should be able to focus on themselves. I prefer (if not together) taking turns... ;) "

YEAH! THOSE BITCHES!!!! That's what I say! Most of them just need to be spanked and f$@%ed, !! ;-)

Truth is, though, I have always enjoyed pleasing women. When I was a boy, I really did come too quickly (we all did), cuz there was no experience and control. But when I first made a girl orgasm from intercourse (after the third time I did it), I was hooked (so was she!) :-) on giving girls/women what they needed first, because a man has a recovery time and women do not (they might, but they can just keep going for the guy). Hell, I didn't even know what happened and she wasn't sure, either ("It didn't feel like THAT when I played with it!")! I thought she was screaming because I was hurting her, but she dug her heels in and told me I wasn't going anywhere!! YOW! Of course, women also learned along the way to give men what we need, too. So, it worked both ways. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not sure that this "it's all about her" thing actually existed.

San Luis Obispo CA

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You are right, KD -- there are all kinds. Yet I don't recall having met any woman saying she wants her clit rubbed hard without lube.

I've heard a joke about a guy who would fuck a hollow log, but it wasn't about me.

Hendersonville NC

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What reduces my sensitivity is rough handling of the penis. A woman might assume a dick should be treated just as smoothly as her clit likes it. If the guy wants it rougher, he can easily make that known.

Hendersonville NC

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Sabrina- Thanks for the insight.

Tell me about it, lasting like a porn start, hold off on the orgasm, keep going, keep going and now...Aren't you gonna cum?

Damn, make up your minds! LOL

And yes, it's a major mind fuck...I like some of the advice, just go with it. It's not like I'm not enjoying myself...I love it and lasting longer makes it go on and on and on. And round two...Fuggeddaboutit! Engergizer bunny ain't got nuthin on me! LOL

Jacksonville FL

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We have gotten the take turns down but trying to get to go off together is a little hard for me. I do not why but it is.

New Braunfels TX

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I have "decreased sensitivity" too. I think it is a myth. (Really, on both counts)

Orgasm is a mental process of letting go. Thinking about it makes it worse, and you end up in a death spiral of sorts.

Men have been told since the 70s that we cum too quickly. Every womens mag, every date movie, every joke is either about penis size (too small) or cumming too quickly. We have been told that a REAL man makes sure the woman cums before he does, even several times.

So now the pendulum has swung all the way to the other side for us caring males. We put the woman not only first, but we can even feel guilty for our own pleasure. The act of cumming is letting go and focusing TOTALLY on yourself for even just those few seconds or minutes. "That's selfish!" we say to ourselves, so it is difficult to do.

Learning to focus on yourself again takes a while.

Cedar Rapids IA

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AFT: "I've NEVER seen a profile that requests a premature ejaculator. "

;-) Well, now. Aren't YOU the poster child for sensitivity and encouragement?

San Luis Obispo CA

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I avoid the profiles that want the quick load. That's too much pressure! ============================================

I've NEVER seen a profile that requests a premature ejaculator.

White Hse Sta NJ

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I have had this a couple happen to me, to where my wife has gone several time and I have not gone once. I thing I have learn so far with my wife is if we do it doggy style, give it about 2 minutes and I will be done.