Here you go, the hottest tunes that came out between the years of 2007 – 2013, my teeny bopper years (13-19). Take this moment to note that these were my solid emo years so there are going to be a lot of ~depressing~ songs on this list. If you’ve got a problem with the list, send me a fax complaining.

You’re welcome.

100. What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction

The Spice Girls of the modern age also known as One Direction shout out to girls with low self esteem by putting down confident ones. Classic.

99. Don’t Stop Believing – Glee Cast

I bet you forgot about Glee. You’re welcome.

98. Hey Boys and Girls (Truth of The World) – Evermore

What ever happened to Evermore?

97. You Used To Hold Me – Calvin Harris

Before Taylor Swift, before all those big name collabs. Before everything.

96. Practise Makes Perfect – Cute Is What We Aim For

First emo/punk-pop band of the list. Low score because The Curse of Curves is their best song but it came out too early to be on this list.

95. Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy

As a 14 year old I knew all about heart break and emotions so this song just really ~ got me ~

94. Yes – LMFAO

“Grandmas cookin breakfast she makes pancakes the best
I check my myspace and I got alotta friend requests #YES”

93. I Love It – Hilltop Hoods ft. Sia

Remember when Sia did a song with The Hilltop Hoods? She had a face back then.

92. Make Me Wanna Die – The Pretty Reckless

Jenny Humphrey leaves Gossip Girl to become a full time emo. This song was relatable because high school makes me want to die.

91. We Are Young – Fun.

When you think about it, in comparison I was much much younger than the people in this band when this song came out. So who is the real young one?

1. Befriend The Bartender

(source: nypost.com)

Trust me, when times are tough the bartenders will be there for you. They’ll supply you with endless amounts of alcohol to numb the pain in exchange for money. If you’re really attractive lucky you might get a freebie on your birthday.

2. Put Aside $1,050 For Your Coffee Fund

Look I’ve done a lot of calculations taking into consideration the exponential increase in caffeine consumption during peak semester periods and this is the exact amount you’ll need (based off the unfortunately person who attends 5 days a week, spending an average of $5 a cup). No don’t stop drinking coffee and save money, trust me drink the coffee.

3. Get Netflix, and Stan, and Presto, and hulu, and HBO etc.

(source: giphy.com)

You’re not gonna want to be that one person who has nothing to contribute to the conversation because you were like “ha! I only need Netflix!” NO. You need them all. YOU ARE MISSING OUT.

4. You Need To Set Aside at Least 24 Hours Procrastination Time Per Assignment

(source: jkmendoza.tumblr.com)

“But Liana, I have weekly assignments for one of my courses!” I literally do not care I’m sick of your excuses, please go and waste 24 hours every week! Why do you think you’re subscribed to so many streaming services?

5. STOP USING THE FREE SPOTIFY GROW UP

(source: gifamerica.com)

Literally do you want to be that person at parties who’s like “sorry guys you’ll have to listen to this stupid ad followed by 10 songs that I can’t skip cause I’m a cheapskate and don’t care about helping musicians.” Literally its only $11.99? If you like bargains get apple music, it’s $5.99 for students. If you don’t have an iPhone your problems are much deeper than we first thought.

6. Join Clubs

(source: thechive.com)

This is probably the only really useful tip I’ll give you. Chances are your faculty will have some sort of club and most of those clubs will have a launch party and launch parties generally have bar tabs. Even if this is the only event you attend its worth it for the free alcohol. Also a great opportunity to meet bartenders (aka your new best friends).

7. Find Out Where The 24-Hour Labs Are Because This is Your New Home

(source: comedycentral.com)

Bring some photos of your loved ones with you because this is where you will be living. Don’t worry most of them have comfy couches and vending machines. If you search hard enough you’ll probably find showers. You’re set for life.

8. Don’t Watch Porn in Lectures

(source: giphy.com)

Honestly this shouldn’t even need to be here, yet on more than one occasion have I been in a lecture theatre where all of a sudden you can hear loud moaning followed by someone realising their earphones weren’t plugged in, quickly shutting their laptop, and running out of the room…

9. The Library Has Books In It, Most Likely The Textbooks You Need…

(source: brenda-drake.com)

I know its wild, a library with books? Unheard of. But chances are those $100 textbooks that you most likely don’t even need are sitting in there, silently whispering “borrow me! borrow me!” Free them.

10. When An Opportunity Arises, Take It

(source: atrl.net)

For example, if you happen to be at the races and you happen to run into your law tutor and they happen to offer to do cocaine with you… I’m not saying I condone this but you’ve got some mad blackmail on your side for when they try to fail you (thank you Stalkerspace).

11. You’re Probably Going To Fail Assessments That You Thought Were Really Good Because Kingas Is Out To Get You

(source: usmagazine.com)

Fuck you kingas

12. Invest in Gym Gear

(source: popsugar.com)

Not because you’re going to the gym, but because it’s super comfy and it’ll make people think you actually exercise. Your attempts to always look good at uni will die super fast when you realise that an extra half an hour of sleep is more important than your brows being “on point”

13. Don’t Get Fooled By The “I’ll watch it Online” Trap

(source: collegehumour.com)

No you won’t. Stop lying to yourself, you’re never watching that lecture. You might briefly look at the slides but there is no way you’re actually going to watch that lecture (and for good reason it was probably a waste of time anyway).

14. Please Do Not Bring Your Senior Jersey With You

(source: wifflegif.com)

All this says is “I peaked in high school” and everything’s only going to go downhill for you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

15. Don’t Be That Piece of Trash Who “Doesn’t Believe in Social Media”

(source: daiinthedark.tumblr.com)

You’re going to end up in a group assignment with 2-4 people who want to kill you because you’re not contactable. Just make a stupid Facebook profile with no photo, whatever, I don’t care just don’t be that person.

Now that Valentines/Hallmark/Singles awareness day has passed it is important to remember that being in love is a full time unpaid job which requires many hours of commitment and several expensive presents. Below are some great ways you can really impress your significant other on any regular day of the year.

This is a certified Tr*mp free post, brought to you by me, someone who is sick of only hearing about Tr*mp when lots of other things are happening.

The Serious Stuff (actually using my journalism degree):

(source: simpsonsworld.com)

There has been an electrical explosion at a Paris train station, leaving eight people injured. This is only a few days after an assailant with a machete attacked french soldiers at the Louvre museum before being shot.

Somalia has a new president! Abdullahi Mohamed Farmajo (If you ever listen to me on 4ZZZ you would have heard me absolutely fail at saying his name this morning), who is a former Prime Minister and dual citizen with the US. He is already facing scrutiny under allegations that large sums of money were paid to some candidates and rival presidential candidates.

Vladamir Putin passed a law decriminalising domestic violence. The amendment states that beating of a spouse or child that causes bruising or bleeding but not broken bones will be punishable by a fine or 15 days in prison, should it happen more than once a year. (Excuse me while I go puke over how awful this is)

British Prime Minister, Theresa May, has the approval from the lower chamber to initiate Britains exit from the European Union. AKA, the UK are actually leaving properly now, no more messing around. It was a landslide vote too, with 494 MP’s voting in favour of the law allowing the leave, and only 122 voting otherwise.

Light and Fluffy (cause real news is scary):

(source: reddit.com)

The Brisbane City Council has hired two dogs to help protect koalas. Please protect these dogs at all cost. [x]

There is a pig named Lilou at San Francisco Airport!!! She is helping people with anxiety fly! Protect this pig. [x]

Things About Me (my favourite topic):

(source: wifflegif.com)

My new house has the numbers spelled out with letters! (Cue Homer Simpson:Get used to it honey, from now on we’ll be spelling everything with letters!)

While we’re talking about The Simpsons, I saw a car with the license plate “Bort” and I didn’t get a photo so what a tragedy? (Also if you’re into sick license plates check out platesofbrisbane on instagram.)

The cafe I’m writing this in is really noisy right now, I am shocked at how busy it is!! (If you’re even in Brisbane CBD, go check out Bean.)

I played Animal Crossing: New Leaf for the first time in 3 years and my characters name is Blair and the town is called Eastside. I hate my dumb Gossip Girl obsessed ass. Surprisingly, the town still looks amazing. Nice.

Okay, so 10, not 50, but there’s not crazy movie starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore titled 10 First Dates and it really doesn’t have the same ring to it. Here it is, 10 first dates, the good, the bad, and the so horrendously awful even thinking about it makes me nauseas.

1. The First First

(source: photobucket.com)

There is a first time for doing everything; inhaling oxygen, eating yours vegetables, and of course going on a date. And just like breathing and eating your vegetables for the first time you don’t really know what to expect.Perhaps the first vegetable you eat is peas and although they’re not the most pleasurable vegetable out there you figure this must be normal. It isn’t until later on when you discover corn that you realise there are definitely better vegetables out there.

This is a pretty accurate summary for first date number one. Although the conversation wasn’t all that particularly awkward, I don’t think any girl likes to be told about all the amazing plans the person you’re sitting across from has with some other girl while you’re sitting there sipping a latte that you ended up having to pay for…

2. The You’d Be Better as a Friend First

(source: okmoviequotes.com)

I’m pretty tolerant to the fact that not everyone you meet up with is going to be a good match romantically. Although the physical attraction might be there, you might not always connect on other levels. Isn’t finding this out the point of dating after all?

First date number two was with someone who I happened to meet around a year earlier out at a club and just happened to find on Tinder. We both thought it was pretty funny and even tracked down an old club photo that we both were in.

Going to the same uni made it easy to meet up, but after the disaster of the last date, I had pretty low expectations. We grabbed coffee, got to chatting, and actually had good conversation. We got along pretty well but it became obvious fast that we would have been better off as friends.

Unfortunately guys don’t really like to hear that and so after a few weeks and cancelled plans the conversation completely died and we didn’t get a chance to hang out again.

3. The Two Hours Late First

(source: makeagif.com)

In this person’s defence, I was also running late. I’d been kept back at work but as soon as I knew I rescheduled for later in the afternoon, only being about half an hour later than we’d planned for.

I got there sent a text letting him now I was where we’d planned to meet. To which I found out he hadn’t even left home yet. So I waited… and waited… and waited…

Eventually (two hours later) he finally shows up and makes me walk for ages to find a cafe that’s still open. Despite the false start we still ended up getting along pretty well so we agreed to hang out again.

I should have taken a hint from the two hour delay that this person was useless at making plans, and because of this meeting up again never happened.

4. The We Are Clearly Not On The Same Page First

(source: reddit.com)

There was a time when I was young, naive, and had faith in humanity. I honestly believed that people asking you out meant that they genuinely wanted to spend time with you, get to know you, and maybe eventually form into a relationship. Haha, those were the days…

Now agreeing to meet up with someone in the middle of the day to grab a coffee doesn’t naturally lend itself to going back to someone’s house for sex. I felt like it was pretty safe to assume that if you want to see me in the middle of the day, that’s not what you’re looking for.

Clearly I’ve been wrong before.

Where I thought I was being taken out for the reasons aforementioned, it took meeting up at a club, a failed attempt at being sexted, and eventually an explicit ask for me to have sex with this person for me to take the hint… this guy wasn’t interested in dating. I repeat, I was young and naive back then.

5. The I’m Actually Taken First

Before anyone cries home-wrecker, this technically wasn’t a date. It was more of a walks like a date talks like a date situation. Also I needed to include this to reach 10.

What started as me meeting up with a friend for birthday drinks ended up with me watching the sunrise on a ferry dock with some guy who I knew I couldn’t go home with. Eventually we parted ways, attempted to stay in contact ‘as friends’ (haha, good one) until a few weeks later I found myself blocked and deleted on all social media. First time for everything right?

6. The Extremely Awkward Beyond Belief First

(source: complex.com)

Thank god for alcohol. If I hadn’t already been drinking for quite some time previously that night I don’t think I would have been able to survive the suffering caused by this date. This guy was a bit older than me, in fact older than what I’d usually go for but I agreed to give it a go because I figured it would mean he would be more mature than guys closer to my age.

Once again, I’ve been wrong before.

I don’t think I’ve ever had to put so much effort into holding running a conversation because this guy gave me nothing. I tried really hard to keep up the small talk but eventually it became too much so I decided I was tired and went home. Terrible 0/10

7. The Actually Really Good First

YAY! Finally! Too bad this guy ended up being a massive fuckboy! Dammit!

I should have picked up on this earlier but I was just so surprised by the fact this date was actually really enjoyable and I wasn’t rushing to get home like I was used to. Faith in humanity was temporarily restored!

8. The Drunk First

(source: abc.go.com)

Now I’m pretty much always down for a drink, especially if I’m not paying for them. Totally cool if you want to have a couple before hanging out, I mean alcohol is expensive so why not pre-drink?

However turning up to a date completely wasted? Not cute. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further on this one.

9. The How Many Times Will We Match Before Going Out First

(source: moxienoir.tumblr.com)

Pretty much as the title says, I managed to match with this same person multiple times on multiple dating apps, with the most recent match leading to him almost instantly sending me “lets just go get dinner already.”

Dinner ended up being a couple of hours of not overly awkward small talk, which took an unexpected turn when he told me “you know, you’re meant to try and impress people on dates,” being the good sport I am led to me sarcastically replying “oh really, see I was just relying on my good looks.”

10. The Worst First

(source: wifflegif.com)

Part of my goals for 2017 – as cliché as it is – was to try to be more open to more people and opportunities as they come along instead of saying no all the time. Unfortunately this severely backfired on me when I agreed to meet this person for ice-cream late on a Monday night simply because we lived really close to each other.

Having to repeat what I was studying, the fact I worked casually, and that I’d gone home sick that day around 5 times each while this guy bragged about how rich he was (casually dropping that he owned a Chrysler and several investment properties) was already painful enough. However the icing on the cake was when he asked me about my tattoo on my leg. explained what it was and went to ask if he had any, which lead to the following conversation:

Him: “No, I don’t really approve of them, it’s an Italian thing”Me: “That’s great, I’m also Italian and I have 4”Him: “Oh well my mum doesn’t really approve of them”Me: “Neither does my mum but that doesn’t stop me. I also have 7 piercings”Him: “I just don’t really like them”

Amazingly enough after the longest 30 minutes of my life when I finally got out of there I received a message asking if I would see him again. HAHA, NOPE.

There’s a high chance that if you own a computer and have a decent reliable internet connection you to are connected to popular television hosting website Netflix. And if you are a subscriber to such a site you would be aware that in the past couple of days, Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events has been added to the list of delightful programs available for viewing.

In the spirit of being cool, hip, and relatable to whatever is currently trending, I have created a list of inconvenient things that have happened to me this year so far but in an overdramatic manner in order to make them seem just as unfortunate.

1. I Can’t Find My Yoga Mat

(source: reddit.com)

Now when I have my small moments of “man I should really start exercising more” I have such a valid excuse to not do anything. What is yoga without a yoga mat? What about other things that use a yoga mat? Maybe pilates? Am I meant to do sit ups on the hard wooden floor boards? Won’t that ultimately end in injury and/or death?

2. My Cream Cheese Went Off

(Source: giphy.com)

Cream cheese is not cheap. I shouldn’t even be buying cream cheese but this one particular day I had purchased a bag of bagels along with various vegetables and cream cheese to go onto said bagels. Now my most recent purchase of bagels was completely ignominious due to the fact that as I opened my tub of cream cheese, to spread onto my delicious baked fresh today bagels, I found the creamy white texture I had expected was replaced with a disgusting grey mush which caused me to throw the tub straight into the bin. This is terrible because this was meant to be my breakfast, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and without breakfast this could lead to injury and/or death.

3. I Have to Move House… Again

Possibly the most inconvenient of all the events. Moving house sucks. You have to pack, then organise movers, and carry furniture, and even worse when you finish moving you have to UNPACK. And what happens if the house you move into is on a slope that you don’t notice until you’re putting together your bookshelf and all of a sudden all the books fall off and crush you and you get injured or die?

4. I Went on a Pretty Lousy Date

(source: miscgifs.tumblr.com)

I’m sure some wise old person is standing on a corner somewhere saying something about how you gotta kiss a few toads etc. But this is now two hours of my life that I won’t get back and now unfortunately will be ingrained into my mind forever. What would I have done in that two hours otherwise? Probably watched Netflix, maybe cooked dinner in that time, possibly even slept? And who’s to say how many more lousy dates I will have to go on in my life? And how dangerous they will end up being? What happens when I accidentally agree to go out with a serial killer? WHAT HAPPENS THEN? (Injury and/or death)

5. A Series of Unfortunate Events Only Has Eight Episodes

(source: http://shortsighteddemigod.tumblr.com/)

That is a lot less than I compensated for. This means once I complete all eight (currently 6 down, 2 to go) I will have to do SOMETHING ELSE. Perhaps find a different show to watch? But that is so much effort! I may as well just spend that time SLEEPING but if you sleep too much it might end in injury and/or death.

Perhaps instead of continually trying to be witty and hilarious I could take this opportunity to share with you activities which occurred in Perth whilst ending on a corny cliché? Strap in boys.

The Tinder Menace

(source: mtv.tumblr.com)

Upon arrival on the mystical west coast I decided to reactive my account on Tinder to see what the people on the other side of the country had to ofter. This promptly lead to being contacted via my Instagram by someone I’d never seen before in my life. Normally this sort of message I would outright ignore but today I was feeling generous so I gave this person the time of day.
And thank god I did, here are some highlights:

Attack Of The Dogs

(source: imgur.com)

If anyone in Queensland asked me which beach they could take their dog to I’d probably reply with “I dunno maybe Sandgate?” But if anyone in Perth asked I’d say “PEASHOLM DOG BEACH!” in an over-excited voice as I think back to the beautiful morning I spent surrounded by so many furry fellas of all types of breeds.

Revenge of the Heat

(Source: frinkiac.com)

So began the “low intensity” (yeah right B.O.M.) heat wave of Perth in 2017, reaching a scorching 37 degrees. With very little humidity in the air, all I could feel while roaming the streets of various suburbs I’ve already forgot the name of was the rays of the hot sun crisping upon my skin. And you know what they say! When things are getting too hot, write some steamy Fan Fiction. This one I’m willing to share upon request but will let you know it involves Rihanna and Sting.

A New App

(source: cutecatgifs.com)

With temperature reaching 40 degrees on Tuesday, waiting for buses and trains whilst making the way into Perth’s epicentre was on strenuous task. However, the mood was lightened as I paid a mere $1.20 to catch the bus 1 zone. Yes. $1.20. I hope someone from Translink is reading this so they can know that I’m angry. Did I mention this was a paper ticket? Anyways, apart from the very reasonably priced public transport, the other highlight of the day included an app called “Charade” which is somewhere between the classic Charade’s and Celebrity Heads depending which category you pick. Literally hours of fun, because there is no exaggeration to the fact that I spent hours playing this game with my friend. Other highlights from this day involve a shop called Cheep which sells pretty much my dream wardrobe with nothing over $15 being the place I found this beauty:

The Heatwave Strikes Back

(source: simpsonsworld.com)

The final day spent in W.A. was easily the hottest, reaching a high of 43 degrees, making it almost impossible to leave the house. However my inner hipster trash felt it would be wrong not to take the opportunity to explore one last small cafe and have one last smashed avocado dish before heading home. In a suburb called Leederville (which I am now dubbing the ‘007 of Perth based off the postcode) the choice of hipster cafe’s was endless, eventually finding a little cafe on the corner called Pixels. And they did not disappoint. The rest of the afternoon was spent exploring little boutiques – most of which were well out of my poor uni student price range – before heading home one last time before the trip to the airport.

Return of The Liana

(source: cheezeburger.com)

Fortunately enough, my return home was far more pleasant then my venture to Perth. Being able to sit in the seat I’d booked and even having a spare seat between myself and the next passenger made for optimal spreading out on the 5 hour embarkment. Despite a delayed take off (which I am convinced is because someone was trying to smuggle a dragon onto the airplane), a smaller aircraft than the first trip, and the fact that this entertainment system did not have my current Netflix show of choice even though the first plane did, the voyage was as pleasurable as a flight in economy class can be.

And as promised, a cliché to end this post:

(Source: fanforum.com)

What has venturing across the country has taught me? Based off the activities aforementioned, the ones that didn’t cost me any money, that didn’t really require going far, the simplest things like playing a silly app or writing a terrible piece of smut, were easily the highlights because of the company I kept.
Until next time, farewell W.A.!

Based off my arrival in Perth in 2016 and my continued stay in Perth in 2017, it is my responsibility to inform the public in the best possible manner which of the two Perth’s is the most adequate.

Year

Pros

Cons

2016

- Discovery of Tony Galanti The Potato God
- Thinking the club was going to be Turnt but it was full of emos
- Discovered a new much cheaper foundation that I liked
- Drank wine
- Didn't get arrested like Buzzfeed predicted

- 2 Hour Jet lag - it's real
- Thinking the club was going to be Turnt but it was full of emos
- No strong opinions on the George Jetson vs Fred Flintstone election
- Not being at Falls festival
- Mecca was out of my shade in my foundation (wtf how many "vanilla" bitches are there out there?)
- Remembered Delta Goodrem

2017

- Lord of the fries was an amazing start to 2017
- Dedicating myself to watching all of The Simpsons (and by all of I mean the good seasons) from the start
- Dog Beach had so many dogs
- Drank a cocktail
- Forgot about Delta Goodrem, briefly
- Found a neat looking shell

- The random Perthican (?) who was my midnight kiss was an absolutely terrible start to 2017
- Lack of fresh memes
- Still not at Falls Festival
- Perth doesn't go off on a Sunday?

Cleary, Perth in both it’s junior 2016 and senior 2017 forms have positives and negatives. What lies ahead is only up to fortune tellers and the government to decide.