I heard you showed your torso at the Fair
When there were children there: that’s child abuse!
The only way to cause a graver scare
Would be to flash your oversized caboose.
Still, your great sissy boobies hanging loose,
The rolls of flab upon your abdomen,
The oiliness, as of a new-plucked goose—
These were a grievous and offensive sin.
The endless calories you’d taken in
You turned upon the young and innocent.
You made eyes play a game they couldn’t win.
Of mercy you showed not the slightest hint.
Why did they need a gander at your gut?
They’d all already seen Jabba the Hut.

Technology will soon have full control
Of all that makes your ass so wide. No lies!
You will not have to play the open role
Of Big-Butt Bozo – and the laughing eyes
Of strangers will not focus on the size
Of your posterior with speed and zeal.
You will look pretty much like other guys.
The same old shame you will not have to feel.
Technology will easily conceal
The joke that God has deigned to play on you.
You will be modified. Hey, what a deal!
That great big butt will fade away on cue!
You’ll triumph then – if slimming is your goal.
(You’ll still, however, have a fat-assed soul.)