Begin at the beginning, the king said gravely, and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

On Language or something like that.

On writing and cover letters.

My roommate and I have a very special relationship. You see we are both kind of quite insane. And we occasionally feel the need to share our insanity with the world, for posterity, or something like that.

So we post these things called Sara and Bobby's on facebook. Typically they are conversations that we have...like for example:

Sara and Bobby on Baking:

Sara: What? I put a cupcake wrapper where it belongs and you complain about cleaning.
Bobby: The wrapper was on the floor.
Sara: Exactly. Where it belongs.
Bobby: [facepalm]

Which ended in (facebook comments): Sara : I said I admit I was the messy one- I just say I clean sometimes too. Just because I leave things where they go. and you are neurotic doesnt mean you do all the cleaningBobby Aaaah... you must have forgotten the agreement we made upon moving in where we said our messes would remain contained in our room. :PSara Um...it is in my room.Sara after you put it in my room

Or pehaps Sara and Bobby on Generocity:

Sara: You're cousins left bacon in the fridge.

Bobby: Do you want to go to the diner or eat in?
Sara: I can do either or, what do you want to do mister sicky?
Bobby: Let's go to the diner so I can spread my plague. I have to make as many people as possible, as miserable as I am.

Sara and Bobby on Coupons:

Sara: I just got a twenty-seven dollar steak for thirty-two dollars.

Bobby: [blank stare]

Of course, every now and again we do Sara and Bobby Quote of the Day:

"Sara, if you want to find a job, you're going to have to be as least like yourself as possible."

That, was in regards to a cover letter. Well, my attempt to write a cover letter. First, let me begin by saying cover letters are stupid. And perhaps the second most stressful thing in my life right now, right after my job. You see, I cannot manage to write like a grown up. I'm not talking grammar or spelling, although trust me, those are typically quite bad (and adult like). But I'm talking more, subject mater.

I cannot seem to manage to keep the "me" from seeping in, and we all know (hopefully) that I don't take myself seriously. Like, at all.

I include lines like "To reiterate, but not repeat my resume"...Cause you know, your just repeating the information in a different way. I know it, the person reading the cover letter knows it, why not just mock the system, just a little bit, while following the rules.

The other issue is that I like playing with language. I mean, most mummery in the form of mischief is at least a little mocking (not the best example).

I think cover letters are stupid and pointless. Shouldn't your resume speak for itself? Or do they really enjoy reading 10 different 1-page papers that say I want this job, please consider me for this job, have you given me this job yet?

Seriously, just date a crack dealer. Well, a successful crack dealer. You'll never need a cover letter again. Just make sure you get good dental coverage. They aren't so good with the teeth, what with the crack addiction.

Insecure Writers Group

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Story:

I am 25 years old, and have been told more than once, that I have a story to tell, or that I should write a memoir. I am not sure if I belive it, but I do know that I have good days and bad days, and on bad days I have to share, and what could be better than sharing annonomously with the internet world. I am not doing this for sympothy and I am not doing this for money. I am doing this because, I have long lived with the knowledge, that maybe, just maybe, my story could help someone else, like me. Someone going through what I am/did, or contemplating making the mistakes I made, to let people out there know, you are not alone.