New Barbie Dog Poops Little Turds

I’ve never understood children’s toys that simulate the banality of adult life. I’ve seen toy vacuums, toy lawn mowers, and little kitchenettes. Why are we so interested in pretend chores as kids?

Mattel has taken things a step further with their newest Barbie playset. This Barbie comes with a cute little dog that winds up and walks on release. And better yet, every few steps it’s drops out little brown tic tac shaped turds. How fun! They’ve really distilled the most joyous moments of dog-ownership, haven’t they? The dog doesn’t bark, or wag its little tail, or I don’t know, lick Barbie’s face when she gets home. It poops. Then Barbie uses her pooper-scooper to clean it up.

I would love to have been in the room when the bigwigs at Mattel came up with the idea for this playset. They’ve done everything from beach houses, to Jeeps, to Disney Princesses. After decades of fun Barbies, they are out of ideas. We are a few short years away from Jury Duty Barbie.

Kids, enjoy your childhood. You have the rest of your lives to clean up dog poop, and vacuum, and mow the yard.