Melinda May’s origin as “The Cavalry” is finally here, and it’s not what you think. Plus, Skye finds out her real birthday once she figures out Jialing is her mom, and she’s actually a year older than she thought she was.

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While Skye tries to keep her new powers a secret, Simmons is ready to lead the super-being holocaust and wipe them all out. Meanwhile, Coulson stops playing around with Hydra and heads start to roll. And no Ward (yay!).

“Laser grids. Why is it always laser grids?” That’s the least of your worries, Coulson. How about HYDRA agents who can make their faces look just like other people? But who can complain when you have May in a negligee and fake May in a fancy dress in the best fight in the show’s history?

We’re not done with the Absorbing Man yet! While he tries to get the Obelisk to HYDRA (should it really be that difficult?), he’s pursued by Talbot’s military men and what should now be called “Marvel’s Remnants of SHIELD.”