English quotes

The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The users last changes were even included.
And the users exclaimed, with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what we asked for, but not what we want!"
"Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end."
-- Stephen Hawking
"Freedom defined is freedom denied."
"Nonconformists are all alike"
"A nation is just a society for hating foreigners."
"Conscience: the only thing that hurts when everything else feels good."
"To avoid criticism: do nothing; say nothing; be nothing."
-- Elbert Hubbard
"Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months
might as well have been written by someone else."
-- Eagleson's law
"Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent
and well informed just to be undecided about them."
-- Laurence J. Peter
"Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice."
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the
intelligent are full of doubt."
-- Bertrand Russell
"microsoft should never have been a lawsuit, microsoft should
have been a fucking standard that says ''you'll have open APIs
or we'll kill you''"
-- Robert Steele at the sixth hope
"- I've invented a new day, it's called Meshday. It's between
wednesday and thursday.
- Sounds more like it's between monday and wednesday.
- No, you're thinking of tuesday."
"Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me."
-- Moby Dick
"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no
universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all
a dream--a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you
are but a thought--a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless
thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"
-- The mysterious stranger
"What an ass you are!" he said. "Are you so unobservant as not to have
found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
[...]
Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those."
-- The mysterious stranger
"two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."
"All writing is a form of shorthand"
-- Barry Pateman
"I felt as if I had been half-slammed, half-caressed in the belly with
a slippery bagful of wet cunts"
-- The Dice Man
"He who receives an idea from me receives it without lessening me, as
he who lights his candle at mine receives light without darkening me."
-- Thomas Jefferson
"I'm tired of trying to do something worthwile for the human race,
they simply don't want to change"
-- Dvorak
"> I write websites so I can present ideas to people. I don't want
> them to see my site the way they want to see it. I want them to see it
> the way it was meant to be seen.
Achtung! You vill sit in ze CHAIR ven you read my book, NOT ON ZE COUCH!!!
Sieg heil!"
-- slashdot
"The quickest way to end a war
is to lose it."
-- George Orwell
"I hate to advocate
drugs, alcohol, violence,
or insanity to anyone,
but they've always
worked for me."
-- Hunter S. Thompson
"those who were seen dancing were thought to be INSANE by those who
could not hear the music."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Faith:
Not wanting to know what is true."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
"No human is free from freedom, because even when they are free from
the control of others, they are under their own control."
"Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling with a pig in mud.
After a while, you realise the pig is enjoying it."
"[ Butters' mom falls down ]
- Did you have a nice trip mom? See you next fall"
-- Southpark
"Pfff talk to the firewall, because the port ain't listening!"
"And remeber to tell the kernel that you are ignoring your children so
they dont turn into zombies when they die."
"Do not meddle in the internals of kernels, for they are subtle and
quick to panic."
-- Alan Cox
"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."
-- Blair Houghton
"For every Fetus you don't abort, I'm going to abort three."
"Q: How do you convert ordinary water into Holy Water?
A: You boil the hell out of it."
"It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all."
"A rational thought a day keeps religion away"
"We are select() of Borg. Context switching is futile. You will be
assimilated."
-- anakata
"do not: [...] dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at
co-workers"
-- the actual serious manual named "Indigo2 Workstation Owner's Guide",
Chapter 9. Safety, Maintenance, and Regulatory Information
www.sgi.com
"I often reflect that if 'privileges' had been called 'responsibilities' or
'duties', I would have saved thousands of hours explaining to people why
they were only gonna get them over my dead body."
-- Lee K. Gleason, VMS sysadmin
"The only explanation I could come up with for [ the movie ] Signs was
that the aliens were not invading. They were actually just dropping
off their retarded. Once you realize the aliens are mentally
handicapped it all makes sense."
-- Slashdot
"Don't get drunk and pass out in anyones vomit other than your own"
"What consenting adults do within the privacy of their own home is still
disgusting"
-- beta.jerkcity.com
"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
-- JFK at 1961 Address to the U.N. General Assembly
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the
answer."
-- Douglas Adams
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet,
balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take
orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a
new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal,
fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"All our lauded technological progress--our very civilization--is like
the axe in the hand of the pathological criminal."
-- Albert Einstein
"Brain on vacation, penis on autopilot."
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
"A self-regulated sex life being necessary to the happiness of a
citizen, the right of the people to keep and enjoy pornography shall
not be abridged"
-- Alternative version of the USAs second amendment.
From "The homing pigeons", by Robert A. Wilson
"She was encouraging him to talk, and that suddenly alarmed him. It
meant only one thing: she was thinking of going to bed with him"
-- "The homing pigeons", by Robert A. Wilson
"How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
- Two: One to change it and one not to change it"
-- Private Japes of Mr. G
"it's like the presidency has become
the special olympics and everyone wants to give him
an award just for trying"
-- http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks, about GWB
"An error made on your own is safer than ten truths accepted on faith,
because the first leaves you the means to correct it, but the second
destroys your capacity to distinguish truth from error."
-- John Galt, Atlas Shrugged
"once upon a midnight dreary,
while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of 'hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
suddenly there came a warning,
and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour,
'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
'give me back my free hardcore!'.....
quoth the server, 404."
"I don't have a sixpack, I have a one-pack. But the hose coming from it
is fucking huge"
"It may be naive to dream of a world of peace. Maybe naive isn't the
right word. I'm more hypocritical. Now let's steal us some nazi
gold."
-- AshfieldOnline
"For every time IBM removed one vowel from one of their ppc mnemonics,
I'll remove one "l" from a ppc developer.
We'll see who blinks first."
-- Linus "payback time" Torvalds
"You can't let the law dicate your morals and ethics."
-- Slashdot comment
"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first
place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you
are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it."
-- Brian W. Kernighan
"> I am curious as to if anyone knows of a Ruby wrapper to libnet?
ruby is for the japanese, you silly gaijin bastard."
-- "private static void" answering Josh Knowles
"Beliefs are the death of thinking."
-- has been attributed to Robert Anton Wilson
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten
who gets tied up."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"we might be illegal, but we can frame you for it"
-- phrack
"Man is the best computer we can put aboard
a spacecraft... and the only one that can
be mass produced with unskilled labor."
-- Wernher von Braun
"Phrases most commonly heard before death (Score:5, Funny)
by siskbc (598067) on Monday August 18, @05:33PM (#6726577)
# 5) Mike Tyson sounds like a girl.
# 4) Honey, that's just the PMS talking.
# 3) [Redneck accent]Hey y'all, watch this...
# 2) Betcha can't...
# 1) We'll save a lot of money by not hiring an electrician..."
-- Reply to a really really stupid slashdot article (which essentially said #1)
"analogies are like goldfish: sometimes they have nothing to do with
the topic at hand"
-- Crispin Cowan
"Every now and then go away, even briefly, have a little relaxation,
for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer;
since to remain constantly at work will cause you to lose power."
-- Leonardo da Vinci
"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly."
-- Voltaire
"If you spend more on coffee than on IT security, you will be hacked.
What's more, you deserve to be hacked."
-- White House cybersecurity adviser Richard Clarke
"One out of three people is mentally ill. Ask two friends how they're doing.
If they say they're OK, then you're it."
"> [... description of odd error ... ]
I'm wondering which emoticon would be appriopriate to show my jaw
dropping on the floor."
"hah, I've heard so much artillery before.
It's no big deal."
-- Reporter speaking right after a big bang on the Iraq-Kuwait border,
2003-03-20, approx 22:34 GMT
"That's why I'm likely to become a rock scientist,
and you are not."
-- Well... let's just leave this one anonymous, shall we? :-)
"men are from mars, women are evil"
-- pollo, #linux
"Q: Why do you use INI or CFG files instead of the registry?
A: Microsoft recommends making all variable entries in the system
registry and not use .INI files. Microsoft also recommends you sell
your stable UNIX server and buy their piece of shit software."
"I hate jail, it's just like high school except everyone is a lot less
homophobic"
-- AshfieldOnline
"Anyone not running antivirus and updating the definitions several
times a week is playing Russian Roulette with an automatic."
-- Steve Uhrig
"I want to make passionate love to you. If I'm not there in five
minutes, start without me."
-- Scott Adams
"Thank you for calling DSL customer support. Unfortunately none of our
agents want to take you call right now. Please hang up and leave us
alone."
-- www.reallifecomics.com
"to err is human. To moo, bovine."
"Problem: Files and folders whose name contains 10 or more consecutive
digits are not sorted correctly in Windows Explorer.
Cause: This behavior is caused by a problem in the shell code."
-- http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;en-us;Q318872
"Q: What the flaming fuck does kerberos do anyway?
A: Kerberos is a three-headed dog that guards the gates of hell. A
flaw in Kerberos is a serious situation because if it fails, all hell
could break loose."
-- slashdot comments
"Standouts include the United States' South Pacific detonation of an
atom bomb 90 feet below the water to study the effects on a fleet of
ships. Surprise, surprise, they sink! If that wasn't enough, the navy
also loaded the decks with sheep to study the effects of the blast on
life forms. Surprise, surprise, they die!"
-- Atomic Bomb Collection
"We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated."
"They misunderestimated me."
-- G.W. Bush
"<Artline> do you know what kernel is in Redhat 7.3
<c0ffee> yes!
<c0ffee> a linux kernel!"
-- #linux
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was."
-- Walt West
"ATA (which is the protocol equivalent of object oriented cobol)"
-- Alan Cox
"If a thing is worth doing
it would have been done already."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame."
"Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol."
"If you're going to lay around the house and drink beer all day, you
gotta start early in the morning."
"Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name."
"Remember:
FIRST you pillage,
THEN you burn."
"To catch rabbits,
Hide behind a bush
and do carrot calls."
"I DON'T GET EVEN.
I GET ODDER."
"I am having an out-of-money experience."
"Blood is thicker than water
and tastier, too."
"If your voting could really change things,
it would be illegal."
"If we weren't meant to eat animals
then why are they made of meat?"
"Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things."
"If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody."
"A man rushed into the doctor's office
and shouted, ``Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!''
The doctor calmly responded, ``Now, settle down.
You'll just have to be a little patient.''"
"I got a sweater for Christmas.
what I really wanted was
a screamer or a moaner."
"1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet."
">So I'd just do
>vi fs/dcache.c -c '/|= DCACHE_R/d|/nr_un/pu|<|x'
>and be done with that. Linus?
For future reference - don't anybody else try to send patches as vi
scripts, please. Yes, it's manly, but let's face it, so is
bungee-jumping with the cord tied to your testicles."
-- Alexander Viro sending a patch to Linus Torvalds
"I don't mean that the sound of the words was distorted, but their
meaning was indistinct, unreliable. My friend was trying to buy some
water but not finding it easy thanks to not really understanding what
money is anymore, what it's for."
-- Guy on acid trip
"[In] my era everybody smoked and everybody drank and there was no drug use"
-- DEA Chief Thomas Constantine, July 1, 1998
"I had a letter in the post today. It said 'Gas Bill'.
It sounds a tempting offer"
-- Alan Cox
"TCP/IP:
TeleCommunication Protocol for Imbibing Pilsners"
"Microsoft submitted doctored video in anti-trust trial - Microsoft claimed
that they accidentally used the wrong video in this case. OK, so they
accidentally grabbed a doctored video instead of the real video!?!? Does that
sound anywhere near plausible to you? I hope not."
"Description of the Windows Critical Update Notification Tool (Q224420)"
-- Uh... in other words...CUNT? (they've renamed it to a "Utility" since)
"lovolt is in canada, which, as we all know, is in amerika
where they can't tell denmark from netherlands"
-- BluesMurf
"Grass, gas or ass. Nobody rides for free"
-- Bumper sticker
"i have seen things on SuSE that would make your pubic hair go straight!"
"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but
light him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"By reading this message you give me full access rights to
not only you systems but your families, your friends' too.
It also gives me the right to access your freezer and
taste your ice-cream."
-- Parody of Borlands EULA
"Warning: Insert battery in right direction"
-- Label on battery pack of a Sun microphone. There was no
reference to which direction was the right one, Neither
on the label nor in the manual.
"Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to
everybody is the ``most reliable Windows ever.'' To me, this is
like saying that asparagus is ``the most articulate vegetable
ever.''"
-- Dave Barry, The Miami Herald
"This is just wrong. Not ``running a red light'' wrong. ``Screendoors on a
submarine'' wrong."
-- Comment on rumour that N'Sync were going to be in Starwars Ep2
"Well ofcourse! Everything looks bad if you *remember* it"
-- Homer about being drunk
"Wipe Info uses hexadecimal values to wipe files. This provides
more security than wiping with decimal values."
-- huh?
"Windows definitely sucks more than UNIX (this premise is simply
true and can serve as a basis for all arguments)."
-- Matt Prazak
"We're trying to improve the quality of the bug reports we get by yelling at
people who submit bad bug reports."
-- Artur Grabowski, OpenBSD developer
"your bug report stinks. That is insufficient information. You suck."
-- Theo DeRaadt... yet again
"If you enjoyed this show I was Robbie Williams.
If you didnt enjoy it I was Craig David. Thank you!"
"In God we trust. All others we monitor"
"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another"
"I didn't bother notifying HP about this at all. I just don't give a fuck."
-- Part of rant in a HPUX sploit
"It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one."
"Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?"
"When in doubt, use brute force."
-- Ken Thompson
"Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!"
"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research."
"I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there."
"I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and I was surprised because
I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching
and hidden."
-- Steve Martin
"Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs."
"99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again...
101 little bugs in the code...."
"If you have any great suggestions, feel free to mail me, and I'll probably
feel free to ignore you."
-- Linus Torvalds
"Confinement to the Black Hole ... to be reserved for cases of
Drunkeness, Riot, Violence, or Insolence to Superiors."
-- British Army regulation (1844)
"sex is like air, it's nothing unless you're not getting any."
"We have a zero-tolerance policy towards spam, therefore we don't have a
problem, and we are fixing it right now"
-- UUnet
"What's the most effective Windows NT remote management tool?"
"A car."
-- Stephen Northcutt
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Al Gore
"A zebra does not change it's spots."
-- Al Gore
"So the packet went back to the firewall, knocked on the door, and said
'Mr. firewall, I have a SYN bit now, may I come in?'
'What port do you want?' said the firewall.
'Port 23' said the packet.
'Get lost!' said the firewall again, and once again booted him all the way
back to the source host with an ICMP reject in his ear.
Well! The poor little packet was very upset..."
"i'm gonna friggin' go to the zoo and strangle a pengiun unless someone tells
me how to remove that stupid openlinux bootup graphics"
"It's true that we will have to rethink this strategy in the year
4294, but we're not worried about it."
-- named man page
"/*
* Please skip to the bottom of this file if you ate lunch recently
* -- Alan
*/"
-- from Linux kernel pre-2.1.91-1
"In short, at least give the penguin a fair viewing. If you still don't
like it, that's ok: that's why I'm boss. I simply know better than you do."
-- Linus "what, me arrogant?" Torvalds, on c.o.l.advocacy
"> Linux is not user-friendly.
It _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly."
">>People are not stupid...
> Really? My entire life has told me otherwise.
I agree with you 100%.. otherwise AOL wouldnt exist. As long as AOL exists I
shall sell mad quantities of shareware! MuAHHA *thunder* *lightning*"
-- Paul Vollebregt, me and Brian Bosworth
">>(I personally prefer using current tools and modifing them if
>>needed, since I see no point in reinventing the wheel).
> Hello?
> I though that was what we *did* do here.
Exactly!! I knew there was something important
I meant to say in my last post and forgot. That
was it."
-- Oren Sarig, then me, and then John Fine on the pmode-list.
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
-- Catherine Zandonella, writer
"people who go through life
searching for the difficult way to do things
are either assembly programmers or mazochists"
"... Practice safe government... Use kingdoms!"
-- Fidonet
"Microsoft, purveyor of most that is evil in the world (AOL being the source of
the rest)"
-- www.planetquake.com
"DOS attacks are bad. Microsoft DOS is bad too. All forms of DOS are bad.
Friends don't let friends do DOS."
-- http://www.slashnet.org/~sno/
"Some software designers could learn a lot from civil engineers. So might
the rest of us: in ancient times, if a house fell or a bridge collapsed and
injured someone, the engineer who designed it was crushed to death in the
rubble as punishment"
-- Practial UNIX and Internet security
"Anyone who executes an unknown executable attached to an email deserves to
have his hard drive erased and die by choking to death on live rats."
"Remember, just like guns, it's not viri or trojans that delete hard drives.
It's ignorant users. They deserve what they get. Hopefully, all the stupid
people will get nuked once or twice and learn their damned lesson."
"Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane
mittam.
(Translation from latin: ``I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I
will fling an enormous rock at your head.'')"
"Now let's have a ``quantum cat double-slit experiment'' which will be just
like the double-slit experiment except it will ``quantum cat detector''"
-- John Keiser about quantum measurement
"If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still
wrong?"
"We are all packets on the Internet of life."
"have a password that is complicated enough so you won't
remember it if you are drunk. ;)"
-- www.openbsd.org
"Breathing causes cancer."
"Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks"
-- #linux topic
"If brute force doesn't work, you're just not using enough"
"D-, While working back from the solution towards the original premise is
reasonable, working in both directions and writing 'therefore' in the
middle when you are stuck is not good enough"
-- Alan Cox
"Girls are different from hacking. You can't just brute force them if all
else fails."
-- SKiMo, quoted in _Underground_
"The Internet is not the greatest threat to information security; stupidity
is the greatest threat to information security."
"What strange patches have you been smoking?"
"The only thing that interferes with my
learning is my education."
-- A. Einstein
"Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?"
"Whenever you meet yourself you're in a time loop or in front of a mirror."
"Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly."
-- Henry Spencer
"I can't use what I can't abuse"
-- Garabage - Vow
"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should,
therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."
"On the positive side, DirectX 6 looks like it may not suck completely,
although I still think they design this stuff in a vacuum."
-- Brian Hook, .plan file
"a friend with weed is a friend indeed"
"Recursive, adj.; see Recursive"
"Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can."
"On a clear disk you can seek forever."
"Men have many faults,
Women only two:
Everything they say,
And everything they do!"
"Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more.
What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4."
"Press any key to continue... NO! Not that one."
"JNH: Jelly or Peanut Butter?
ZOID: peanut butter.
JNH: correct"
"To err is human, to forgive is against FidoNet policy"
"We all live in a yellow subroutine"
"i'm not arrogant, i'm just better than you"
"I don't want to run a company. I'm not good at managing people.
You have a problem with the guy in the next cubicle?
I don't care. Shoot him or something."
-- Marc Andreessen, founder of Netscape, Rolling Stone, May '97
"I think I got laid.. but I am not sure.."
"I played [Quake] for 12 hours straight yesterday ...my arm
hurts...my ears hurt..my ass hurts....one of my nuts hurts....dont
know how that happend....its sweet man"
"Who cares about true 3d & unparalleled deathmatch when you can
drink from the toilet and get 10 health points back"
"Objects under T-Shirt are larger than they appear."
"You can use the pepper grinder to create pepper by turning the crank...BUT,
a pepper grinder is _not_ pepper, so you MUST NOT
TRY TO EAT IT!"
-- Tim Sweeney, Epic MegaGames, Inc.
Dude: "Hey dude, hook me up with some of that non-alcoholic beer"
Me : "Get the hell out of my bar you panzy, I dont serve that shit.
Don't you know how to get laid?"
-- sCary's Shuga Shack!
"Moreover, a portable Linux would suit you in a number of situations:
maintenance in different places, as a demonstration, or just to see
it booting at times, without a particular reason."
-- muLinux description
"- What kind of a dog says: 'bofh! bofh!' ?
- A rootweiler."
-- oyvindmo@pvv.ntnu.no
"Not everything in a cup is a drink. I would
argue that simply putting spaghetti in a cup
does not make it a drink."
-- pt@acl.icnet.uk, on Mornington Crescent
"Roundy-roundy thing in deimos [some computer] no longer goes roundy-roundy.
Have gone shopping for roundy-roundy things."
-- CPU Fan...
"... There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: BSD and LSD.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence."