Daily Mail headlines getting easier, says Daily Mail

The popular tabloid is reported to be in a state of soul-searching shock today after discovering that its headlines have got progressively simplistic over the past few years, reducing all new events and controversies to a few worn-out clichés.

Chief headline writer David Raikes explains: “Of course, massive immigration has diluted the British gene pool, so that stiff upper lip attitude that didn't balk at tackling a difficult headline containing nuanced ideas – that's gone. And then there's the meddling EU, which limits the intellectual content of all headlines to three basic ideas – did you know that?”

“But anyway”, he consoles us, “drinking three glasses of wine a day makes them harder to understand again”.