HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND!! She and her gf moved in after my previous roommates moved out. I apologized that I couldn’t help them when I was at work, and we discussed furniture and other things that were already furnished in my apartment. When I came home from work, there were three more couches in my tiny living room. One literally stacked on top of my couch. My friend said that her mom made her take everything and she had nowhere to put most of her stuff.

The second bedroom was their clothing room, which after three weeks was so full of stuff that the door would no longer open. They never opened it for the next two months. They put my dining room table on its side to set up a Christmas tree, which was up for two months after Christmas. I worked 60 hours a week and had no patience for it. If I asked them to clean, nothing happened. They smoked weed in their room everyday, both lost their jobs at WalMart, and eventually shut themselves in their room.

I’m allergic to rabbits, and one day I came home and there was one just sitting in my living room, staring at me with this strangely cute but horribly misplaced rabbit face. I told them I was allergic and they got rid of it after a week. And replaced it with a snake, which they did not have a cage for.

I started defending my “honor” after they were there for three weeks, and my mom helped me remove and throw out their old couches after lots of convincing. I work full time and was doing this as a favor to old high school friends, very poor decision moving from a small town to a city and offering them a hand.

Eventually I couldn’t walk in the house, there were dishes in the bathtub and I was staying at my bf’s house every night just to avoid their shit-lives. Then, one day (after four months), I came home, and their bedroom was empty. My living room was full of their extra boxes and months of garbage. I still couldn’t open the second bedroom. Their bedroom had food and rotten garbage all over. The living room and my bedroom were sparkling clean (holla holla at my personal space) and the kitchen was truly the toilet of God and Lucifer.

They left without paying rent, and they literally disappeared. This was a CLOSE friend of mine from high school. They changed their numbers and completely fucked off. I have not had a roommate since. I’m not the best person in the world, but fuck if I’ll ever let myself go through that again.

My first day there she put up a curtain dividing the room and told me never to speak to her unless she asked me too.

So a few months go by and we mostly live in silent resentment. Untill one day Annie decided that she wanted her friend to live in the room instead and that I was the spawn of Satan (I liked punk rock, had multiple piercings and pink hair) so she launched a campaign to get me to leave or kicked out.

First she said that I was smoking in the room(I don’t smoke), then she inexplicably took all of my sheets, planted rotten food under my bed, then (my personal favorite) told the ra (my boyfriends cousin) that I was a lesbian.

Predictably, none of this worked, so her next ploy was to make sure I caught her and her boyfriend screwing on my bed.

When that also didn’t work, she physically attacked me.

After that last one, I just walked out and never came back to the room. I reported Annie, she got kicked out and then I rented a house with my friends off campus.

Current roommate never has her money on time, refuses to put my name on anything, and still feels okay with complaining that I don’t help take the money to the place that it’s owed and asks for “my share of the late fees”.

Gets really upset when I ask her to mop the floors that have her new puppy’s shit smeared all over. And I mean ALL OVER. Posts Facebook statuses like “I should really stop being so nice” when I address these problems politely.

Gave my 30 day notice for the end of February and yesterday she told me she has friends who are living in a garage so I’ll need to leave in 5 days for them to move in. Not happening. ☺

I will never forget her. She was paranoid and woke up very early and “prayed” out loud to God about me hiding her keys from her. She insisted I had done this to get on her nerves and when she finally found the keys in her car between the seats she insisted I had planted them there.

She also said that people who coughed in her presence were doing so to get on her nerves and she warned me that if someone coughed she would uncontrollably blurt out “F@-* You!” Which occurred at the bank one day when she was paying me her rent a week late. The poor man who coughed had no idea why she was cussing at him. She was insane.

My 2nd year college roommate was dirty. Dirty clothes everywhere. He’d spill iced tea, soda, coffee, etc., and never clean it up. Same with food. His side of the room was just a mess, and I’m surprised we never had roach or mouse infestations.

Miraculously, he had a girlfriend, and they frequently Netflix and Chilled before Netflix existed. So, when I’d come back from hanging out with my friends the room would smell like sex flavored popcorn… or their bodily fluids smelled like popcorn. Disgusting either way.

Within a few months he decided to move in with his girlfriend off campus. That had to be the best day of my 2nd year

Police came and took my roommate against her will because her Boyfriend called in a suicide alert on her to teach her not to say “I’m gonna kill my self!” every time something doesn’t go her way. She spent twelve hours in Psych at the hospital on her birthday…

God there are so many aspects to this one really shitty roommate situation I had…

Three bedroom house. Two roommates, a girl and a guy. Three dogs, NONE of them mine. One of the dogs (the biggest sweetheart in the world) had a bladder problem and would pee the second he got excited. The roommates didn’t take care of their dogs, so I was the one cleaning up after them and feeding them and whatnot.

Cleaning. Nobody did it except for me. Every night, I would clean the kitchen. Everything would be put away or in the dishwasher. Every morning, I’d wake up to a fucking wreck. No free counter space, food left out on the counter for who knows how long.

Bills. We all paid rent on time, so that wasn’t a problem, but the girl who was in charge of paying the utilities (her name was on the accounts; we paid her our portion) forgot to pay them constantly. Once, our internet bill was $350 instead of $60 because she had forgotten for two months.

The girl. Oh. My. God. The girl. She got a DUI the day I moved in and lost her car as a result. I had to drive her to work for two months until she bought a new car. She couldn’t buy alcohol for a while after the DUI, but as soon as she could, she started going out to bars 4-6 times a week and would bring strangers home after the bars closed, who would then be loud and drink until 6 in the morning and scare the pee-prone dog. Plus wake me up (I was in college at the time – pfft, why would I need sleep?)

The straw that finally broke the camel’s back is when I asked her to please not bring people home one night because I had a test, job interview, and presentation the next day. So she brought people home anyway and one of them wandered into my room around 4AM with the three dogs (the pee-prone one, big surprise, ended up peeing). Then when I confronted her about it, she told me, “This is my house so deal with it or get the fuck out.”

Kate. Kate was a fucking bitch. She had a room in a house I shared with a few other kids out freshmen year in Santa Barbara. She was 28 years old, unemployed, flunked out of school, dreads from not showering, teeth fucked up from crack, mooching off her mother, fucking scumbag.

To set the record straight: I hate this bitch.

Kate’s favorite food in the whole world was beets. She stole them from the local farmers market, or went dumpster diving. She would often start a pot of beets boiling on the stove, and then get high, pass out, and forget about them. She would go about her day until one of us got home and realized the smoke alarm was going off, and the house smelled like boiled beets.

She had two cats, but no litter box. They would piss and shit all over everything. We had to replace the toaster twice because her cats would piss on it.

She never paid bills, but torrented things prolifically and without care. The Internet at the time was under my name, and I was receiving countless emails about torrent usage. I recommended a VPN, and she told me to fuck off. “I don’t care, it’s under your name, you’ll get in trouble.” I blacklisted her on the router after that.

One time our other Roomate gave her cash to pay the bills. She spent it on coke. Literally. We got home from class, the unpaid bill was still on the counter, and she had the hallway mirror on the table with a few lines still cut.

Eventually she got pregnant. She found out the same week our landlord decided he was sick of her shit, and gave her 30 days notice. Somehow that was my fault, or at least that’s what I was lead to believe when she screamed at me after class.

Roomie banged her boyfriend’s Dad as revenge for him cheating on her. Dad and Boyfriend got into a fist fight over her at our apartment, which damaged a ton of stuff. She later banged the Dad again while the Boyfriend and Mom were at church.

She had a mystery clam chowder that we could never figure out how she was replacing it. She would heat it up, eat a little, leave it, heat it up again… repeat for days. The other roomie and I searched for clam chowder cans just to see where it might be coming from. Nothing.

Crazy Pants claimed I was “ruining” our third roomie’s last year because I couldn’t handle Crazy Pant’s crazy and moved out. I kept paying for my room as a courtesy to our third roomie, but Crazy Pants moved her Dad in and failed to mention the room I was paying for was being used. She screeched at me over the phone “but it’s MY DAD!!” when I told her she could pay for the room if she was using it.

I gave my share of the rent to third roomie and told her to never let Crazy Pants have it. Only one tenant was allowed to turn in a check, but third roomie handed over our rent to Crazy Pants. She bounced the check four times before I threw my hands up and told the landlord I’d pay my share for the rest of the lease in cash.

Never having roommates again. Crazy Pants makes the toilet paper bandit sound tame, and the toilet paper bandit would use a whole roll in a day. She’d never flush it, but throw it in the trash until it was overflowing

My ex room-mate used to live off frozen spinach, which she heated up in the microwave with a stick of melted butter in an attempt to ‘eat clean’. She would disappear for days at a time and leave her old spinach in the fridge to rot and the butter to congeal. The worst was her salad phase, where the old lettuces, tomatoes, cheese and dressing would always end up smelling like rotting fish. She never threw out her old food once in 6 months.

One day she came home after a 3 day bender and threw an actual tantrum (She was 21 at the time) because the house wasn’t spotless, and she was having a party in a few hours. When I say the house wasn’t spotless, we had vacuumed the night before, the garden had been weeded the day before, there was no cups or anything in the sink. She shouted at me for 10 minutes and then burst into tears and called her mother (A family friend of my mother) who then called my mother about how terrible I was. My mother laughed her out the door.

She ended up deciding to leave with no notice, then it became months of back and forward as she refused to pay for the notice period (4 weeks) that we agreed upon. She then got her dad to call my dad, and accused us of “ganging up on her” because my Dad refused to divulge in this nonsense that had nothing to do with him (Go Dad!)

She was also racist and intolerant of any political views that weren’t hers. She used to invite groups of friends over and hide them in her room because she was embarrassed by myself and the other room-mates (All young professionals aged 24-26). She would ask us to leave the house if she invited her friends over and used to steal our small dogs to take photos with her friends. (We had to leave – the dogs were allowed to stay for photo taking purposes)

I knew that my roommate and his gf had been going through a bad phase. One night I heard my roommate’s gf howling. I did not know the human throat could do the sound she was making. I’d compare it to some animal for reference but I don’t know any animal that could make that sound. The next morning, I woke up and saw my roommate had scratches on his face. So I told him enough was enough and that I needed to know. He broke down and told me she had:

Told him that he didn’t need to finish college as her family was rich and he could be a stay at home husband, and that not going along with this plan meant that he was cheating on her

Told him he didn’t need to leave his room because she had no intentions of leaving it, and that not going along with this plan meant that he was cheating on her

Had munched on some popcorn while watching my roommate cry

Threatened to tell his parents that he was impotent

Threatened to lodge a sexual assault case against him

Burnt his academic achievement certificates

Broken my crystal goblet and threatened to cut him with it

Broken my crystal goblet and cut herself with it.

Told her mom she was going to elope with my roommate

Scratched my roommate’s face while he was sleeping

Bitten roommate’s hand and drawn blood

Threatened to tell his parents she was pregnant with his child

That evening, I got him the fuck out of Dodge. That night I told her his parents were religious fundamentalists and things could get violent if she pursued him. The next day, I told our batch coordinator he had had to fly home for a family emergency. He stayed away for three months, came back for his exams, and scrammed as soon as they were over.

My junior yr of undergrad, I applied for on-campus housing a bit late and got placed in supplementary housing, meaning that I was assigned a temporary room (study lunge, tv lounge, etc) with usually more than two roommates. Eventually, a few people would leave for one reason or another mid semester and the housing staff would transition students from supplemental rooms into permanent rooms.

About 2/3 through the semester, I got a permanent room assignment. After I moved in, I realized I had a huge problem on my hands – we’ll call him Mickey. Mickey just never showered – I counted 17 days straight before I saw his shampoo move in the shower. We had private bathrooms in each dorm room, so I could keep a close eye on it. He never left the room unless it was to get food and he would constantly sit on his bed and alternate between his three laptops playing different games. It was obvious he never showered, because there were three distinct grease spots on the walls where he rested his head in his most comfortable position. I’m pretty sure he never went to class. Besides him smelling, the trash always smelled because he never took it out.

And once he took a massive dump, clogged up the toilet, and didn’t call for a maintenance request until I filled one out for him. By the looks of it, it had been clogged the entire day until I got home around 10:30pm.

The worst part was waking up to a rhythmic shuffling noise once on a Saturday. Yup – woke up to him jacking off. When I opened my eyes to figure out where the sound was coming from, he was staring right at me. I pulled the covers over my head, flipped over, and tried to go back sleep, only for the guy to keep rubbing one out.

Girl from Detroit, extremely aggressive. She would break my stuff and every single one of the building rules. One day, she heard from someone that I had a conversation with a building employee about moving. (Specifically if I could have security around)

She slashed and stabbed my desk before threatening my life. I moved out that night (after she got escorted out) for my own safety.

~ Another roommate, exchange student from Mexico.

She had no grasp of basic sanitation. Clothes went a month before being washed, showers happened maybe once a week, she would smear shit all over the toilet seat and floor, etc. I wanted her gone literally 3 days after housing assigned her to me due to this. She also enjoyed pretending to not speak a word of English (even after I caught her talking fluently in the hallway.)

Anyway, the bathroom got condemned within 2 weeks… I spent the other 2 weeks she lived there with my patents. She called me a puta when video-calling with her friends a few times and stole all my food the day she left.

College roommate freshman year. Never used any sheets on the dorm mattress (just slept directly on the mattress) He kept all of clothes in trash bags in the beginning but eventually they ended up in a giant pile on the floor. He would search through the pile, do the sniff test on several items and put on the least smelly.

We lived in a suite so we shared a bathroom with the dorm next door. I never saw him take soap of any kind into the shower. 6 weeks into the semester I hear him tell his buddy that he hasn’t used soap since before the semester started. He and his buddies were always playing Magic until 2 am even though I had 8am class. Luckily he moved out at semester. I was looking into it if he hadn’t

I had three roommates. I got along with two of them. We barely saw the third. The two I got along with knew each other from high school. One (let’s call her Julia) got pregnant on purpose by her boyfriend who just lost his job due to spending too much time with her.

The other (let’s call her Jane) lied about getting arrested and we got death threats on our apartment door because Jane was apparently an ex-gang member who left the gang on bad terms so they wanted revenge. Jane also got pregnant with her boyfriend who she cheated on & ended up losing the baby. We all got along just fine. Then they accused me of stealing their bagels and everything went to hell.

Jane and Julia told me I couldn’t use the kitchen (I had a mini fridge in my room and my own bathroom), they changed the wifi password, and moved in their German shepherd so my cat couldn’t walk around the apartment. German shepherds weren’t allowed in the apartment complex. My cat disappeared while I was home for Christmas. The boyfriend of Julia moved in as well (he technically needed permission from all the roommates to move in). I got proof that he was living there and got Julia and her boyfriend and the dog evicted.

Then Jane moved out, but not before calling the cops on me because I apparently stole her toolbox. Julia had also bleached a load of my clothing before leaving. They sent me death threats before I blocked them on all social media. I’m still terrified I’ll see them again.

I had a roommate with 2 little yappy dogs that never shut up. The barked constantly, and at absolutely nothing. Never in my life have i wanted to harm an animal or person until those dogs.

She would also be late on her rent, and sit on the couch watching glee on netflix. Like the full series. And when she finished it, she would watch it again from the beginning. She would constantly fall asleep on the couch, or sleep in the guestroom rather than her bedroom because she never cleaned it. She totalled her car by rear ending someone, and big surprise, her insurance had lapsed because she didn’t pay the bill.

Finally, she told me she was moving out. I was excited. Then, a week before she was going to move out, she said “oh, what if i didn’t move out?”. I told her as quickly as i could, “well, that will suck for my friend Mike who is moving in in 2 weeks”. She then claimed she couldn’t move because she didn’t have money for movers. I said, get a truck and I’ll help you move. She got a truck, i somehow summoned super human strength and loaded up all her shit and helped her unload everything. I have never been so happy in my life so drive off and block her number.

I was staying with my boyfriend, who had signed a lease with a previous roommate of his. This guy was the gamer type, barely left his room and lived off of frozen pizza, and couldn’t hold a job because of (IMO) pure laziness. One day, on the 2nd of the month, after checking my bank account I saw that $700 was withdrawn from an ABM. I didn’t do it.

After confronting him, he admitted that he watched me type my pin at the grocery store a few days earlier, took the money to pay for rent and pizza, and thought he could get the money back into my account before I could notice. He also admitted to taking cash out of both mine and my boyfriends wallets for a few months.

I lived in a co-op with 20 other roommates for 4 years so I shared my home with quite a few interesting people. The one that takes the cake is a guy named Kyle. Kyle was 20 when he moved into our house and already had quite a head start on his minor in alcoholism.

We were lucky enough to witness Kyle’s 21st birthday. He had gone out the night before to start drinking at midnight. He’d gone out with over $200 but woke up in our front yard (where his friends left him) with an empty wallet.

I was getting ready to take a shower when I heard a knocking on the front door. I was walking towards it when I heard Kyle start to yell for someone to let him in. I decided I wanted no part of this and made my way to the shower. After I had toweled off and dressed I listened at the door but heard no sign of him. I exited the bathroom and entered my own only to find Kyle sitting on my couch chugging down a previously unopened bottle of whiskey I had been gifted by a friend.

Of course, the first words out of my mouth were, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“It’s cool, it’s cool,” he said “your girlfriend said it was fine.”

“No, she didn’t.” I stated, matter-of-factly.

“You’re right, you’re right.” he replied, “but it’s all cool, right?” He proceeded to throw a handful of $1 bills at me while saying this and walked out of the room.

I went about readying myself for the day, locked my room and headed to the front door. On my way through the living room I found Kyle practicing his golf swing (about three weeks later we found a hole in the front window that was coincidentally the size of a golf ball).

I left to run some errands, returned home and gathered some things to go out with my friends. As I was pushing open the back door it stopped with a thud, hitting Kyle in the back. Apparently his mother had bought him an 18 pack of beer and he had been sitting on the back stoop drinking it since he had lost his keys.

“Oh man, Sephus! I’m so glad you came out here. I have to get ready to be at work in half an hour!” He ran inside and I went along my way. My roommates told me his mother returned soon after to give him a ride to work (for better or worse, at least this kept him from driving).

The story gets fuzzy from here as it’s all second hand. Kyle was a fry cook at a restaurant and during his shift he was fired for climbing through the kitchen window to grab drinks off of server’s trays.

No one really knows what happened between then and when he returned home. What is known is that when he returned home he still did not have his keys as the following morning we found the basement door kicked in from the outside. Upon seeing this, a number of us went to Kyle’s room to find his door had been kicked in and he was still asleep in his bed. Though he vehemently denied damaging either door he eventually paid for the repairs to both.

The following month was a series of meetings, interventions, second chances and, finally, a fist fight with one of our female roommates, all culminating in a vote kicking Kyle out of the house.

As was tradition, we followed up the weekly house meeting by going to the local bar with half-off night and drank our fill. Upon returning we found Kyle grilling 6 half chickens in the backyard while nearly falling down drunk. He told us all he understood our decision and everything was cool. He offered everyone beer and chicken and we all hung out for a bit before going to bed.

The following morning my girlfriend and I woke up. I opened the door to head back down to my room and saw two cops carrying Kyle down the hall and out of our house. After we had all went to bed, Kyle had stayed up, carved a checkerboard into one of our roommates cars and his name into another after slashing her tires. He was being arrested as he had an open warrant. He had a MIP conviction and had never reported for probation. His family came and took all of his belongings and he never returned.

Roommate flooded the whole apartment because he forgot to turn the sink off. We were on the second floor and our land lord lived under us. The water went through the floor and ruined her apartment too. He owed $10,000 worth of damages.

In my first and second semesters of college, I shared a dorm room with two guys. We shared a mini fridge. I didn’t really use the fridge because I never got alcohol for myself, nor did I ever save anything perishable. But I stayed alone during spring break, and I decided that I should buy some fruit so I don’t get scurvy. Besides, cold tangerines taste great, right? I’m just going to throw some into the fridge and come back after a couple of hours.

What a mistake.

A few months prior, in the first semester, one of my roommates bought a jug of milk. He spilled it in the fridge – the whole gallon. I’m not sure how the entire gallon came out of the carton, but there you have it. The milk reached everywhere imaginable in the fridge, so I tried to help him clean it up. “No worries, I got this,” said G. Alright. I had work due in an hour anyways, so why not.

When I came back to the fridge again, it was spring break. I’ve got my vitamin C and a lot of expectations. I opened the fridge door, and a strange rancid smell burst out. That’s strange, I thought. My roommates always used the fridge for beer and tequila and there was never a smell. The smell was weaker when I moved my face away from it, so I guess I was never close enough. Oh well. I found some paper towels and tried to clean up whatever mess was inside.

The smell came from a yellowish-white, caked substance all over the sides. My stomach turned, not just from the sight or smell of it, but from the thought of where it came from. “No worries, I got this,” I thought. Like hell I do. Like hell he did. This guy left spilled milk in the fridge and only cleaned the glass.

After scraping off the cake from hell with my fingernails, the only protection being a thin paper towel, I was ready to lay the tangerines to rest. I wanted to put these in the compartment on the bottom (what do you even call this? Crisper? Yeah, crisper). What was Pandora’s box about again? Or jar, whatever. It had all of the evils of the world in it, with hope on the bottom, right?

There was no hope on the bottom of this one.

The most foul stench possible flew out and took over my face. I wanted to cry, but I decided that it wasn’t fair for my tears to be born into such a cruel world. I couldn’t even throw up into the crisper; my mouth and esophagus were sealed shut by muscles I didn’t realize I had. In a mad rush I ripped the crisper out of the fridge and ran to the bathroom to throw it into the shower. I dumped my body wash into it and prayed that no one was there to bask in the steam.

When my roommates came back after spring break, they brought another gallon of milk home and promptly spilled it. I also brought a gift: remains of the crusty milk on a paper towel. This was all I needed to convince them to REALLY clean it up. “No worries, I got this,” they said.