Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Purity Pact

At 13 years of age, I made the decision to keep myself pure for my future husband and I chose not to date. Throughout the years, I have made boundaries for myself and have verbally told people my standards, but I recently realized I have never written precisely what they were. I did this exercise in my journal to set in stone my purity pact, and to make sure I have my commitments written down. I'm sharing them with you as inspiration if you have never set boundaries for yourself, or have never made a commitment to purity.

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September 21st, 2011

TAYLOR'S PURITY PACT

I am committed to courtship, and refuse to date.

I will not have solitary phone conversations with young men.

I will not be in a room alone with another man.

I will keep physical contact with young men (and guys in general) to a minimum: handshakes and "quick" hugs are acceptable, "long hugs", holding hands, patting back/arm, etc. are not allowable.

If I feel intimidated or am made uncomfortable by any guy (young or old), I will seek help, protection, and safety from my older brother, father, or another safe person.

Emails to young men are done through the family's email account for accountability purposes and generally will have an editor - unless it is a quick correspondence. My parents have access to all my email accounts, and business emails with men are focused on business.

I will not have in-depth personal conversations with young men.

No snail mail correspondence with any guy.

I will not ride alone in a vehicle with a young man, and generally not with any guy, unless out of great necessity.

As for me, I will avoid and shun flirtatious behavior. This behavior is appalling to me and definitely "unattractive".

Is it okay to be friends with young men? Yes, I believe it is all right to have brother/sister-in-the-Lord relationships. But there must be boundaries to keep the friendship pure and safe. It is so easy to go a step further than originally intended, so it is very important to have accountability (preferably through parents and siblings).

May I always treat young men as brothers - unless they are of such character so as to be avoided. From the times I have overstepped my boundaries, I move on with a freshly determined outlook, resolving not to compromise.

SIGNED:

Taylor K. Garms

September 21st, 2011

"Keep yourself pure..." 1st Timothy 5:22b

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What boundaries have you established for yourself? I urge you to deeply consider and pray about your own "purity pact"!

Hi Taylor! Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but are these items on your pact until you enter a courtship? From my understanding of how a courtship works, I thought you got to know the person you were courting through phone calls and in depth conversations about your convictions to get to know each others hearts. Or are there certain topics you are referring to? Some of the items certainly do make sense and having convictions are never a bad thing :-)

Jennifer: Yes, these guidelines specifically pertain to interactions with unmarried young men (and also with men in general).

Granted, in a courtship relationship, I fully intend to get to know my future husband and have many discussions with him about - everything! :) But even in the courtship relationship, there will be boundaries and standards to be held to keep the relationship on the "up and up".

I said all this to say, I do have friends who are young men, but I want to keep the connections safe - as I have witnessed too many scenarios where boundaries have been crossed and much hurt results.

Have I and will I perfectly follow these standards? Unfortunately no, being a fallible young lady whose heart is apt to wander, but these standards are what I strive for, and I rely on God's grace daily.

Yeah, I noticed that when hugging guys, you usually have all "those feelings" rise up to the surface. Even quick hugs can sometimes surface those thoughts so I just try to handshake, smile, wave, etc. instead of hugging, but I'm not about to BACK out of a sideways hug or anything! I mean I'll hug my brothers, cousins, etc. and if I'm courting, engaged, etc. - then I might hug! But I generally try to avoid hugs as much as possible.

I think a lot of it might depend on the age of the guy. I mean when I hug someone like Michael---an older, married man who I love and respect---I feel like I'm hugging my dad. I would feel much more nervous about hugging an unmarried guy who's my age, though even then there can be perfectly innocent ways to hug.

Our family has always been a "hugging" family. When it was time to say goodbye after visiting with friends or family, we kids would always go around and give hugs to everyone. Naturally, as I grew older and entered the "shy" age, I did not feel comfortable hugging, shaking hands, talking, or even making eye contact with young men - just because I was shy. I eventually did not like giving hugs to anyone, period!

But, as I have grown older and have entered into the world of "singing", I have found I can't avoid hugs! :) People - especially older men and women - like to come up and "hug your neck".

Now, if a strange young man were to come up after a concert and attempt to give me a hug, I would definitely (and have) pull away, as I would be unsure of his motives and would not be very comfortable at all. But I'm not afraid of giving a quick hug of greeting or departure to young men whom I consider brothers in Lord and safe friends. Generally, though, it is not my practice to give hugs very freely to young men.

Great boundaries! I am a soon to be 60 yr old married man with very high, lofty boundaries. My dear wife, Susan, and I set these many years ago when I had a moral failure.

I will not give them now, but maybe some other time.

I did want to comment on this recent response of yours: Now, if a strange young man were to come up after a concert and attempt to give me a hug, I would definitely (and have) pull away, as I would be unsure of his motives and would not be very comfortable at all. But I'm not afraid of giving a quick hug of greeting or departure to young men whom I consider brothers in Lord and safe friends. Generally, though, it is not my practice to give hugs very freely to young men.

In our public ministry when we visit churches, we are finding more and more men & women are aggressively going for the hug and completely ignoring our offer to shake hands. The icky and comfort level drops significantly.

One gentleman insisted on hugging my wife who barely escaped. He tried to justify how he ministered to one woman that got a blessing from him. I tried every nice way to put it not to hug strangers or church visitors until I finally said Don't you ever hug my wife again!

Yes, it seems more and more people go for the hugs rather than handshakes. While sometimes a hug can be safe, other times it may not a good situation. I also believe one should even "escape" a hug if the situation is uncomfortable. I have done so before. It is best to have safety precautions, discernment, and high standards in interactions with the opposite gender to keep oneself pure in accordance with God's Word.

I am learning to decrease while Christ increases, so I will attempt to introduce myself without self-centered promotion or subtle boasting! (Do you know how much of a challenge it is?)

My name is Taylor Garms, and I am the third child of David and Kris Garms. Our family of ten lives primarily in a comfortable home amidst the swamps of Braham, Minnesota, though several members now live away from home. Those who are still at home are involved in music ministry and travel across the United States as The Garms Family (we love Southern Gospel, with several other genres mingled in for variety).

I am a grateful 2010 homeschool graduate (what a privilege homeschooling was and is!). Photoshop is almost always running on my MacBook Pro as I manage a small graphic design business. I enjoy writing books (they are never seen by anyone other than the other members of the "Hooded Authors Club") and songs to encourage the church. I muse out loud at ArisetotheCall.com. Besides these, I love drawing with pencils, dabbling in photography, and cooking up spicy meals for my family (if you dare, ask about my famous fried potatoes!). And, as somewhat of an extrovert, I like to talk and spend time with those I love.

People have labeled me everything from "fundie" to "liberal", but I prefer to be simply known as a follower of Christ.

What in the World is LACHELN?

I have had many people ask me what "lacheln" means, as I often fail to make some mention of its meaning. No, it is not Russian, nor Welsh for "sincerely", nor an acronym for "Lost A Crazy Huge Earmuff Last Night" (these are true speculations by confused friends :).

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Verses of the Year: Philippians 3:8-10

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death."

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