Snorting Cocaine Better For You Than The 60-Piece Oriental Platter, Katona Tells Iceland

18-08-09

CELEBRITY hell-hole Kerry Katona has told Iceland that snorting cocaine in a sticky nightclub sets a better example than working your way through the 60 piece deep-fried Oriental party plate.

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The Iceland Oriental platter is also known as 'monkey' or 'Shanghai Sunrise'

The ex-singer has been dropped by the frozen food supermarket amid tabloid newspaper allegations she was doing something healthier and more constructive than eating their products.

A spokeswoman for Katona said: "After spending four years encouraging people to buy Oblong Mashed Turkey Product, she thought it was time to do something for the next generation.

"Kerry does not want her children growing up on a diet of chicken drumshapes and deep-fried pig tubes when they could be spending the money on a class-A drug that will at least help to keep their weight down."

She added: "When Kerry was growing up in Warrington all the local kids would dabble in chicken nuggets but she saw far too many of her friends ending up on spicy dippers.

"She only appeared in the Iceland adverts so that she could raise enough money to buy some half-decent charlie and get her life back on track."

Tom Logan, a community worker from Toxteth, said: "Once Iceland gets its hooks into you it's only a matter of time before you're hoovering your way through a 60-piece platter. First the chicken, then the pork, and eventually the Oriental.

"And without proper support thousands of young people inevitably find themselves staring down the business end of a two-for-one prawn ring offer, at which point you may as well just sterilise them."

Iceland dismissed Katona's claims last night but offered to renew her contract if she agreed to block up her nostrils with a pair of deep-fried chicken goujons and breathe through her mouth.