Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas Grab Burgers Amidst Breakup Rumors

If Harry and Cressida were the leads on a contemporary sitcom, we would say they’re in the “season four” stage of their relationship: they finally got together (middle of season two) after circling each other for a while (the entirety of season one); they were essentially blissful for a while (season three), but now they’ve hit a rough patch: misunderstandings, logistical barriers, surfacing doubts.

Yes, it was reported over the weekend that the blonde former dancer with the best name J. K. Rowling never thought of, and the defiantly hirsuteAntarctica-conquering royal are on the verge of a split. The two spent the holidays separately, as Harry caroused at a pub in London over New Year’s, while Cressida no doubt got her hair braided with those beads while partying on Richard Branson’s island in the Carribbean. “Talk of Harry and Cressida getting married could not be further from the truth,” the Daily Mirror assesses, “Indeed it wouldn’t be a surprise if they go their separate ways soon.” The paper said Harry was the driving force for the probable breakup: “It is actually Harry who has been moving on. He is incredibly fond of Cressida and loves her company but he has commitments and plans in other areas of his life that could be jeopardised by settling down. It is not what he wants at this time of his life.”

But fret not, no need to give up on love as a concept just yet. People confirms in a report this morning that Cressida was in fact seen out with Harry and Princess Eugenie this weekend (when the infamous Instagram beard spotting took place). Additionally, People says the duo “enjoyed a date night out at a burger restaurant Monday” at Byron Hamburgers in Kensington, where Harry is “apparently a regular visitor.” Additional information is scant (“They were having a good time,” a source told People—whoa, cool it with all those details, you guys!). Also, the article notes that “staff at the burger joint would not say what the couple ate,” which raises questions we didn’t even know we had! Did they get something other than burgers at this so-called burger joint??! Did Cressida say she “wasn’t that hungry” because she “ate atonof almonds at, like, four” and just order a side of onion rings? Did Harry order a turkey burger, on a new health kick after his winterland trek? Did they go for sweet-potato fries, only to regret it halfway through eating them, as the novelty wore off?

Here’s how we believe the pre-burger date texts went down on Monday:

Cressida (11:02 a.m.): this wknd was fun, hanging out with euge and every1

Cressida (11:02 a.m.): i love that bar.

Cressida (11:17 a.m.): did u have a good time?

Harry (12:01 p.m.): u want to get food tonight?

Cressida (12:03 p.m.): oh, ok! sure. was gonna see lone survivor with hyacinth but obv i’ll blow that off lol

Cressida (12:07 p.m.): where are we gonna go?

Cressida (3:30 p.m.): hi?

Harry (4:16 p.m.): sorry, we were just kicking a ball around

Cressida (4:17 p.m.): we?

Harry (4:18 p.m.): some of the guys came over

Harry (4:22 p.m.): let’s just go to byron again, i’m in the mood for a cheeseburger

Cressida sends Hyacinth a screenshot, along with this text: “Seriously, Byron AGAIN?! He can’t take me somewhere SPECIAL for once?!? FML 4 real”