QfQ gives TMI and thinks that abbreviations are now in

What horrors await Lisa Wyche as she hears about bad news... oh, no, VERY bad news? Is her name really Lisa Wyche or do I have trouble telling the characters apart in Gil Thorp? Did Mrs. Thorp have to dislocate her shoulder to be able to hold the phone at that angle? And will that werewolf make off with young Lisa's nose?

I don't have the answers to any of these questions, but I do have queer interpretations of Mary Worth, Gil Thorp, The Family Circus, Buckles, and Hi and Lois, all after the jump.

Let's start with Monday's Mary Worth This was a great way to start my week, with a pic of Mary mounting and pegging Vera in the ass. Seriously.

So when people ask me why in the world I read Mary Worth, I can point to this one and smile.

But in Thursday's Gil Thorp Here we have Coach Thorp calmly taking it assistant coach Kaz, both with their Milford sweaters on. They're pretty uncouth about the whole thing and manage to discuss strategy in an office that has a trapezoidal computer monitor.

Some time later in another place, Lisa Wyche feels the pressure from heaters, risers, and sinkers. It probably doesn't help that the softball is attached to some sort of string, but we do learn that Lisa is left-handed (that will be important later, I'm sure). Her really bad softball playing has caused mountains to rise up out of the ground some distance from Milford. Fortunately they disappear by panel three, along with the ground, and now softball is being played while floating in a vacuum. So it's no surprise Liz had a throwing error. But that softball player from Oakwood doesn't really need to slide, the ball is apparently floating in mid-air and will move into the Lady Mudlark's glove when it's good and ready.

This Thursday's Family Circus

OK, who put that shirt on PJ?

Dolly's statement and facial expression indicates that it wasn't her, and I'll buy that. Bil probably wouldn't put one of his shirts on his household's main source of vomit (next to Barfy), so he's out. Thelma, I imagine, would be above such jokes. PJ is far too small to reach the shirt and seems far to unhappy with the result.

So we're left with Billy and Jeffy. My money's on Jeffy. First, Billy actually has a life (school, friends, kiddy league baseball). Second, Jeffy's the only one with a motive. Considering that he's in love with his father, and the object of his affection is beyond reach, we can only guess what sort of sick games he had in mind for PJ.

These last two hit close to home. Friday's Buckles: I, like Buckles, have a friend who constantly brags about the size of the worms he's swallowed. And, yes, they get bigger and bigger each time he tells those stories. He hasn't gotten to the point where he says that they're 3-inches in girth, since he's usually more focused on length, but I wouldn't put statements like in panel two beyond him. He usually doesn't talk about how juicy and flavorful they are, because that would be getting kind of gross, so Buckles's reaction in panel four is understandable, although mysteriously belated.

But Buckles creator David Gilbert obviously has dick on the mind.

And Saturday's Hi and Lois: I, on the other hand, always remember my ball marker. It's one of those things that when I'm leaving a guy's house, I think, "Did I remember everything?" and I list everything aloud, wallet, glasses, keys, cock ring, ball marker.... And that's when it hits me: "BALL MARKER! I can't leave my ball marker at this hole! How will I have fun marking balls tomorrow night if I leave my ball marker here?" And then I go back for it.

Thursty, though, is more forgetful than I and will have to play without one for next few holes. It's kinda like that story about the ants and the grasshopper, but perhaps he'll learn his lesson.

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