2.13.2009

Baby, baby when we first metI never felt something so strongYou were like my lover and my best friendAll wrapped into one with a ribbon on itAnd all of a sudden you went, leftI didn't know how to followIt's like a shot that spun me aroundAnd now my heart leftI feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to youDon't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?It's gonna take a miracle to bring me backAnd you're the one to blame

My bedroom floor is covered in hair I pulled from the top of my head.The day before yesterday, I did not get out of bed until 5:00 pm.Last night my shower lasted an hour and a half. All I did was sit and let the water fall on me while I cried.When I told my psychiatrist I had thoughts of hurting myself, she asked if I wanted to hurt the baby.I told her 'no' but I am not so sure now.

And now I feel like, oh you're the reason why I'm thinkingI don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no moreI guess that's what I get for wishful thinkingI should've never let you enter my doorNext time you wanna go on and leaveI should just let you go on and do itCause now I'm using like I bleedIt's like I checked into rehab andBaby, you're my disease

Finally, I spoke to him again.I found out why Sunnie and Cory did not invite me to go with them this weekend.Either it's because I am pregnant which means I don't like to have fun anymore.Or because he would be there.

Half of me is glad I wasn't invited. The other half wants to go even more.

Ain't it crazy when you're love swept?You'll do anything for the one you love'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be thereIt's like you were my favorite drugThe only problem is that you was using meIn a different way that I was using youBut now that I know, it's not meant to beYou gotta go, I gotta ween myself off of you