Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Yes my life has fallen to shambles in the past 3 months. The summer of dating was somewhat successful. I went out with people of which I never thought I would ever date. Good times mostly. One stalker and two whites later I am still standing. The one person I was hoping for is no longer there.We ended our relationship including the friendship, as I just can't do it cause I care too much. As of this moment I am waiting patiently to pop a bottle of wine and eat this box of chocolates, cake, and ice cream that I bought this afternoon. Everything is a mess and I doesn't know where to begin cleaning it up at. Maybe get the tears and I can wipe the rest away.

Monday, August 2, 2010

I have been asking for love to come my way and as soon as I decided to stop looking for it, it crashed into me...twice. Feeling depressed my local "friend" has been trying to make me feel better. Now if you remember I told him I needed my space. He has been doing there for the most part but stills sends texts, that I may or may not respond to. Anyhoo, while trying to cheer me up he says,
"You have so many people that love you, including me"
I didn't really have anything to say but thank you because I am really not in the I love ya mode with him. I don't know that I really love him as a friend even. If we stopped talking completely, I would be annoyed but I don't think that I would be overly heartbroken. Then there was this mornings overture. Now there was no conversation when all of a sudden I got this message from the "friend" that I am not suppose to talk to.
"Hate that I'm in love with you"
This completely threw me off guard and ruined my day because I couldn't shake it. Part of me is happy that he feels that way, but the bigger part is like what the hell am I suppose to do with this information. It's not like I can actually have him. Yeah I return the favor but still I know good and well that nothing can ever come of this and it's just cruel to even let myself feel anything. I guess I asked for love, got the opportunity to be loved, and all I can do is sit and watch it leave me. I don't know whether it's karma or fate, but they are both bitches in my book.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I think I am to the point where I am willing to take a date with almost anyone. I know sounds a bit desperate. I think part of it is that I am in need of adult conversation and a better reason to play dress up. An old friend of mine has been asking me out for months now and I finally caved putting the ball back in his court of the where and when. We will see what happens with this. The only def thing I can say is that he is not getting any. Hope that won't put a damper on the evening.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

As much as I like to hear from married dude, it drives me nut-so when he calls me. We always chit chat for an hour or so acting like teenagers, which we are not. The flirtation is full of innuendos and make us both laugh and every conversation goes back to, "why didn't we date and why did things have to be the way they are?" I think that always pushes me over the edge because part of me wants to scream, "what is the point of asking these questions". He always mentions how he was "tricked" into marriage and that his wife is not who he thought she was. I know he only says this to keep me on the hook but hey like I said before he doesn't have that hold over me anymore now that I can picture him with his infant. Oh, what a world, what a world.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Yeah, he got a son now and even more of the appeal has left from him. I don't look for his messages, nor do I reply to them quickly like I once did. He has only talked about his fatherhood once or twice now, but it more or less wen tin one ear and right out the other. His overtures to me leave the sound of crickets in my head and I now have to think of a response when I do decided to respond to him. I suppose a part of me is still attracted to him but not the same way I once was. He is still suppose to be heading this way at the end of the month and wants to see me. We'll see if an up close and personal visit from him will change anything.

Friday, May 21, 2010

I have been keeping my distance from the "non-boyfriend". Being sick was a good excuse. We may not be able to see one another for a few more weeks and maybe by that time we won't be talking at all. I don't know what my deal is and why I get bored of these guys so quickly. I guess it's because I know that it is not going anywhere. Clearly this "relationship" that I am carrying on with "non-boyfriend" is just that of the warm body type. I hate to admit it but that is what it is. He is sweet and kind but I don't think he is interested in anything else. Yeah I could keep him around but what's the point. Yeah, I can get my fix and all but that leaves me still too close to him. *sigh* I am just so sick of myself, I don't know what to do.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I don't think I am a very needy person but I do require a few things. If I call you, then call me back in a timely matter or at least have a decent excuse. Don't call me talk me for 2 minutes, tell me you are going to call back and then take 4 hours before you do, only so that we can start the same thing over again. I know he is tired and I respect his sleeping schedule and I never intrude on time with his kids though there are times I am on the phone when he is with them. He is really getting on my nerves though and the fact that I have been sick doesn't help. Then he trips when I don't answer his calls or when he IMs me. I just tell him my phone was charging which is the case sometimes or that I was sleeping. I don't know, maybe I am getting bored and need a new play thing. I hate to kick him to the curb but our schedules are not working. I know I could call him now if he is not at a busy post but my ass is ready for bed. I guuess we will see in time. But then again time is not on his side. Summer is here and it's time to mingle.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Ok the guy that I have been seeing is great, I don't think I can say it enough. Though I for some unforeseen reason feel like I am getting bored. I was fine not having anything define what we were, but part of me wants something more. It seems that he has kicked any extras to the curb to be with me since he spends his off days with me and when he is not talking to me on the phone, he is sleeping or at work, but who really knows. I think I am wanting more and I am not sure if he is the guy that can give me that more, especially since he is saying he doesn't want anymore children and I don't want to lose my chance if I decide I do.
I had a chat with one of my best friends today and she reminded me that marriage and relationships are hard. She said that she is met with temptation everyday and has to really remind herself. She said that it's a tedious job and she finds herself wondering why she got married. She loves her husband and has no want to cheat or to leave but some parts of being single never go away. We are all human and look but have to remember not to touch.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Last night I was at a birthday slumber party with a few of my sisters friends when this guy that I am "dating" checks in on me. I didn't have a problem chit chatting about what we were doing at the time and responded. It was when he said, "Don't be falling into any new beds or familiar ones either." I was like WTH. Who was this guy to say anything to me. I know that I probably made molehill out of an anthill, but it really pissed me off. It isn't like we are together or have any type of "relationship" going on. Is it really any of his business who I am dealing with because I don't think so. Honestly I don't need someone checking up on me like that and I simply don't appreciate. Yes, now he is apologizing for his comment, but I am kinda put a little off.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Ok I broke up with my ex like 8 months ago. Actually we never actually broke up we just stopped talking completely which sums up to breaking up. And still I am "Officially Missing You". Everyday something brings him to the forefront of my mind and it drives me nuts. I am so trying to get past him but for some reason I can't. Thank goodness I don't actually ever have to see him but his presence is felt daily. There are no pictures or gifts to remind me of him, just some random thing. A candy bar, someone driving a truck like his and saying my sons name which is he same as his (no he's not my kids dad).

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I just had a life moment with the guy that has had a piece of me is having a baby with his wife. He didn't even tell me. It's not like we are running around cheating or anything we just have that friendship that is always questioned by everyone. I found out by looking at a facebook page of a mutual friend and I saw his wifes name and her baby bump. You can say that I was somewhat devastated when I saw it. I know that I am not in love with him but still it cut me deep. I don't know what to do about someone who tells me everything but not the one most important thing going on in their life. Not to mention the fact that he keeps talking about lost love on facebook which trips me out. It was almost with every update was an underlying love question and it was driving me nuts. I really don't think I can just kick him to the curb because I love thinking of him as the guy that got away. Oh what to do, what to do. Things could be so much easier.

It had been a total of 3 weeks since I had seen the guy that I am semi kinda dating. We haven't established any names for our relationship and I am perfectly fine with that. I could tell that he was really missing me while I was on vacation because he was calling me constantly and leaving me messages all day long. He even said on the day basis how much he missed me. He said he just wanted to see that smile on my face. When I came back on Monday he was hoping to see me but I had things to do so I had to put him off. Yesterday rolled around and he pleaded with me to drive to see him. I obliged and had a good time as usual. It was quite different to be in his home and see his things. I finally got to see pictures of him as a kid and all of the things that makes him, well him. Part of me would like to see this go farther but a part of me isn't remotely interested in him. There are times that I do roll my eyes when I see the phone ringing, but there are also moments of excitement when I hear his voice. I know I am certifiably crazy to be complaining or even even unsure about any of this. You can understand why I am a hot chocolatey mess.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Lately my life has been a hot chocolate mess. My love life is on the bends and is falling apart around. On one side I have all my unhappily married friends and on the other are my unhappily single friends and I am stuck in the middle trying to figure this crap out. Help me!!!!