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תקנות פון בלאג: יעדער קען שרייבען תגובות, אבער נישט קיין ניבול פה, באליידיגען אדער סטראשענען, ווער עס וועט נישט איינהאלטען די תקנות וועט מען חוסם זיין..Rules of the Blog: Everybody is welcome to write comments, however no vulgar language, insults or threats will be tolerated, you will be banned immediatelyDo NOT keep changing your Nick when writing comments, I can recognize you and will ban youIf you are aware of any molestation in the Jewish community, please report it to the proper authorities, and then please send us an emil with as many details as possible, so we can follow up and warn the TziburThis Blog is here for a purpose - to fight pedophilia and znus, not for snide remarks, filthy comments or threats

7/22/2016

Being wrong is lousy; being publicly wrong is lousier. I have had some real bloopers in my 1,200+ posts over almost seven years. In every one of those five instances, I swallowed hard and issued unambiguous public apologies. I did not bury my corrections in my comments and I did not equivocate. It is good for the soul and one’s character to do such things. After every such apology I thought long and hard about how I made the mistake and I developed a visceral alert system that spared me from repeating it. While some of my enemies tried very hard to rag on me about my mistakes, most of my readers respected me for it. It made them more trusting of other things I write.

I am painfully aware that I am a solo blogger, my own editor, fact checker, and ethical cop. I do my best and I consult with others when in doubt. I also pay attention to comments on my posts and make smaller corrections as warranted. Yet ultimately, my public is dependent on my integrity without full supervision, transparency or accountability.

This isn’t just my problem. It shows up in many areas of anti-abuse activism in the orthodox Jewish world for a simple reason. Most activism is undertaken without pay or support and therefore without controls. I do not see that changing in the foreseeable future, especially for those of us who are determined not to lavish praise on the existing system or to play by its rules that regularly yield cover-ups.

The orthodox world’s activism against abuse is a loose network of survivors, friends and relatives who support them,bloggers, other sorts of organizations, and a larger hidden world of secret supporters. My success depends on working well with others. I try hard to avoid needless fights. I despise some fights that are really just turf wars disguised as principled battles.

Nevertheless some disagreements are necessary as a matter of establishing the truth about a case or clarifying the problems with a particular policy or even an individual or an organization. In 2010 I forcefully attacked one activist, Kal Holczler, who was exploiting survivors. It was painful because some of my supporters had been helped by Kal and were angry at me. But just as we try to collaborate well, we also have to accept the price of telling the truth, even when the anger comes from survivors and other supporters of our efforts.

A controversy has now erupted about Yehuda Pogrow. He deserves credit for how he responded when his brother, Meir Pogrow, was publicly denounced as an abuser of females. Yehuda, who is in no way implicated in his brother’s conduct, went public to join in the condemnation and to reveal the ways in which his brother also abused him. Yehuda has also shared ways in which he was sexually abused by his mother and physically abused at school. That is courage which few show, let alone on short notice.

Yehuda also wants to be a leader in the effort to overcome the abuse cover-ups of the frum world. I have advised him not to undertake that role, and I am now urging survivors not to seek him out. Unlike Kal, I am not accusing Yehuda of assaults or anything like that. But based on my impressions of his writing and actions, I find him too inexperienced, impulsive, and short on knowledge and sensitivity to others. His intentions are for the good, but his judgment and temperament do not match his intentions. I believe that he is likely to hurt the best interests of some survivors who depend on him.

When victims/survivors approach activists they are entitled to a response sensitive to their needs and situation. While I will always support someone bringing a criminal or civil case against an abuser, I do not use survivors as pawns in my effort. That is not the preferred path for some. Others may want to go that way and I feel obliged to help inform them of what lies down that path so they can make an informed choice. Handling this competently requires an understanding of the issues, sensitive attention to the individual and discipline so you do not confuse your own agenda with the needs and choices of the survivor. I have always tried to manage that balance and I hope I have succeeded.

At this point I have grave doubts about Yehuda’s ability to manage that balance. I cannot see Yehuda instantly changing his hard-charging character to fit this requirement, not right now, and not soon.

I wish Yehuda well in his private life and efforts and I hope he does change for the better. But these are my thoughts about the here and now.

The organization "Lev Shomea" that apparently helps problematic boys and girls, knew of 26 roshei yeshiva that raped boys, and on the command of the "gedolim" silenced the abused and didn't let the report to the police.

6/28/2016

Oliver Rosenberg (New York City) - Founder and Executive Director of Or Chayim, the first Orthodox LGBTQ minyan in the world, located in New York’s Upper West Side. It also provides a start-up Shabbat & holidays community experience for unaffiliated, traditional and Orthodox LGBTQ Jews. Founded in February 2014, Or Chayim attracts an average attendance of 70 people per Shabbat including 55 people afterwards for a sit down Shabbat dinner. Oliver was recognized by the Jewish Week as one of their 36 under 36 Jewish leaders in 2015.

What policies should organizations have in place to combat and handle abuse?

These are all questions that will be asked of a panel of professionals.

Summertime brings with it sleepaway camp, and this panel is of vital service to parents and adults everywhere who want to keep their children safe.

PANELISTS

Debbie Akerman LMSW is a social worker with years of experience in addiction,recovery and trauma. A wife and mother to 11 biologic and 8 chosen children, Debbie is currently a PhD student working on her dissertation in Social Welfare. Debbie Akerman brings her own personal experience of trauma and loss to her work and now to the public sphere as an inspirational speaker.

David Cheifetz is the Director of the Global CRM Initiative at the global management consulting firm McKinsey & Company. David spent six years working for the State of Israel in various public relations capacities (1988-2004). He holds an MBA from Columbia Business School, and a BA from Hunter College.

David Cheifetz came out as a victim of childhood sexual abuse in a Jewish summer camp in March, 2013, and since then has served as an advocate on the issue of sexual abuse awareness and prevention in the Jewish community. David is the founder and President of an organization dedicated to the issue, “Mi Li – Who Is For Me”, and is engaged in other communal efforts on the topic, including speaking and writing about the topic.

Dr. Michael J Salamon is the founder and director of the Adult Development Center, an organizational consulting group, and ADC Psychological Services, PLLC, a multilevel practice mental health center. He holds doctoral degrees in Psychology and Research methodology and has written extensively about consulting and psychotherapeutic issues including personality development, marriage, parenting and assessment issues. He is the co-author of the Life Satisfaction Scale and the Addiction and Dependency Scale and is an internationally recognized trauma specialist.

Dr. Salamon is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, and has been on the editorial board of several professional journals. He serves as a consultant to several academic institutions, is on the clinical staff of North Shore University Hospital, was a consultant to the Mount Sinai Narcotics Rehabilitation Center and is currently Co-Chair of the Professional Advisory Board of P’TACH. His latest books include The Shidduch Crisis: Causes and Cures and Every Pot Has a Cover: A Proven System for Finding, Keeping and Enhancing the Ideal Relationship and Abuse in the Jewish Community.

Shira M. Berkovits, Esq., Ph.D., Founder, Sacred Spaces

Dr. Shira Berkovits is a psychologist and attorney with extensive experience in areas of child protection, youth advocacy, and criminal justice reform. Her work with New York City courts, prisons, and hospitals has focused on trauma-informed practice, conflict resolution, and rehabilitative alternatives to incarceration. Currently, Dr. Berkovits consults and lectures on issues of child protection and boundary violations for Jewish communities around the world. Her forthcoming book, Preventing and Responding to Child Sexual Abuse, will guide rabbis and synagogue professionals in the development of child-protection policies. Along with a group of noted Jewish leaders, Dr. Berkovits is launching a new nonprofit organization, Sacred Spaces, that will aid institutions across the broader Jewish communal landscape in developing policies to prevent institutional abuse of all ages and properly handle it when it occurs.