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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Smash Report: Bad, Bad Boys

Ivy and Derek screwing in a bed. A wonderful way to celebrate getting the big role of Marilyn, isn’t it? Oh, and that’s how our third episode starts too. After doing the nasty, Ivy asks Derek to do some character study, like a real actor and director would, but Derek clearly has no interest in that now does he? Ivy begins to have second thoughts on whether her talent or her sexcapades got her the role. Leave it to her friends to break it down for her. Derek calls Karen for a late night bite at a bar to lay it down for her on why she didn’t get the part and only the ensemble. Is this just another opportunity for Derek to get in her pants? Well we won’t know that answer because gallant knight Dev saves the day. Then Derek and Dev have a London talk that I couldn’t really understand because their accents are a tad incomprehensible (is it just me?). Dev was clearly just jealous, or this was just an attempt to get back at his girlfriend for standing him up. It’s very evident that in the past two episodes, there is bound to be some trouble in paradise for the politician-wannabe and the star in the making. They both have varied ideas on where the future is heading, which means drama is on the way (and maybe a departure of Dev??? Wishful thinking I bet.).
But drama offstage means there has to be drama onstage. And now the time has come to find the leading man to play Joltin’ Joe (DiMaggio). Michael Swift, a Broadway star, is available to play Joe. But his audition? Well, a Bruno Mars jukebox musical of course! (wait…) Segway to Michael, aka Will Chase, singing a rockin’ version of “Grenade” on a set of scaffolding that looks like a lame attempt to be Rent. Not going to lie, it was weird. In the words of Simon Cowell. Michael is an offer only actor, meaning, he won’t come in to audition. But if THAT was his way of selling himself, I’d pass.
Eileen and Derek are at another restaurant talking about casting, when Jerry the ex appears trying to tempt Derek back to My Fair Lady. And of course, a drink lands in Jerry’s face. As Eileen said, “I don’t know why that keeps happening.” At the next writing session, Julia and Tom are writing a new song for the show, when Ellis pops in and sucks up with apparently the only line he knows “I liked it.” Julia kicks him out just before he actually does his job, assisting his employer. Julia starts to sway Tom from not including the one and only Michael Swift in their piece. Perhaps even cutting the men from the musical. Why a hater Julia? Could it be because Julia and Michael had a fling? Duh!
Eileen then has a producing meeting with some fellas who are previously Jerry benefactors. And it looks like it’s going sour because they don’t think she can do it and probably because they don’t think a woman can raise all the money. Pigs. Looks like they may be wrong. Ellis starts to discuss his job with his pals, played by Hale Appleman and the always sensational Condola Rashad! They try to convince him to get Tom to pay him for the brilliant idea of Marilyn the Musical. Will he heed their advice? Probably.
Karen goes home to Podunk, Iowa to visit the folks for a baby shower. Mommy and Daddy talk to baby about not getting the part, which of course terrifies them. Then Daddy attempts to understand what this “workshop is and why it only pays $200. Gasp! Back in NYC, Ivy is upset that Derek hasn’t called her in three days. The motley duo try to convince Ivy to call Derek, but who would believe it, there’s Derek seeing the show! And of course they do it in the dressing room.
Ellis at home with girlfriend Cyn, again played by my favorite Condola Rashad, as he’s reading Julia’s notebook. Thief! This kid is going to theater jail. Apparently that’s what he believed the “get them to pay you” advice meant. This leads to some funky foreplay between the lovers, but I’m thinking Ellis is just taking his girl done a path of lies (Code he’s not a ladylover). Down at Eileen’s office where Julia is dropping off the outline for Marilyn the Musical, she runs into Michael. Cue the tension. This is clearly uncomfortable for both of them as they can’t seem to control themselves when discussing their families. That’s right, they both have FAMILIES that they’re about to break up. Well duh, that’s how it works in the theater, right? Well, clearly Julia can’t handle it so she gets on the elevator, rides away, but not before she can say “See you in rehearsal.” Now she’ll probably go home and think about Michael.

Eileen is alone at a restaurant when the waiter arrives with a pair of earrings and a Manhattan. Who are they from? Jerry the ex! Why is he doing this? Well to butter her up and get her to drop Marilyn the Musical. They have an awkward interaction about getting producer that leads to a drink splash. At yet another restaurant, Tom and Dennis have lunch. Tom thinks it’s because of Heaven on Earth, but really because Dennis wants to a date. Dennis drops the bombshell about Ivy dating Derek. Tom is infuriated. He goes to Julia who defends Ivy’s actions because she’s clearly preparing herself for her own fling. Ellis happens to be in the apartment and has a passive-aggressive throw down with Julia. Oh snap. Ellis stands up for himself when Julia tries to kick him out, and even lies about “finding” Julia’s notebook. Ooooh! Ellis is tricky, sneaky one!
Eileen has a meal with Manny, the great theater producer, to try to pitch Marilyn, but he doesn’t seem to buy it. Probably because he’s about to croak. But in Iowa, things are a bit more lively. Karen is having drinks with her hometown pals, including Rebecca Naomi Jones, which turns into karaoke. How convenient. Of course “Broadway”, as she’s nicknamed, sings. She sings Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman” with ease, because that’s what you do when you’re a hick from Iowa apparently.
Ivy and Derek have just completed the nasty (third time in the episode) and she wants to know why they don’t do it at his place. She thinks it’s because he doesn’t want her, in his home, but really it’s because of gas problem. Right. Nice BS director. Does Ivy buy it? Absolutely. Julia and Tom work on their new song “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” which leads to Julia dropping the bombshell of her affair with Michael Swift. Tom is shocked. How could his writing partner keep it from him for five years? How dare she! How did it happen? Well Michael was so good in the show, which is a total turn on. Just a typical show crush as she puts it. They conveniently bumped into each other on the Brooklyn Bridge you go to be an adulteress. And thus started their affair. But wait, you think that was the highlight of the scene? Who’s hiding behind the wall listening to Julia’s confession? None other than Ellis! Looks like someone’s practicing for another career as a spy! Whatever will Ellis do with this information? Share it on the internet I bet!
Before Karen leaves Iowa, Daddy and Mommy have a heart to heart with their little girl. Karen tells them she’s good. She’s got it all under control. Good or not, Daddy gives Karen a check. And would you believe the whole conversation is being underscored by “Let Me Be Your Star?” It seems to be a trend on this show.
Ivy and Michael record “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” in Tom’s studio. It’s an old-fashioned musical song. How do we know? Well because you can hear the blahness and the magical onstage scene that appears between Joe and Marilyn. And of course during the song, Julia has her own montage with Frank and Leo as she stares at Michael. Is he the one that got away? Sure looks like it. And let’s not forget that Ellis, again, is in the room during the recording. Didn’t they learn?
So the first non-Karen centric episode focused on love and affairs. Ivy and Derek and Julia and Michael. Will they last? And what is going on with little spy Ellis? What’s he going to do with all his juicy information? And did “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” bore you to tears? That would be the first song I would cut! And who’s ready for Nick Jonas being a playa next week?!