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John Bolton Has No Teats

The power to make recess appointments is a sacred one, and should be exercised only by a benevolent Democrat president for awarding ambassadorships to campaign contributors and chicks he's banging, without any partisan interference from an obstructive right-wing congress.

Bush has abused this power and crossed into dictatorial waters, essentially circumventing the constitutional process to appoint John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations - a position he's proven to be completely unsuited for. In a scant 24 hours on the job, Bolton has already insulted Secretary General Kofi Annan by showing up to the traditional introductory meeting without the customary kneepads and suitcase full of cash. Such arrogance will only alienate our allies, and runs the serious risk of forcing trusted friends like France to collaborate with our enemies.

One of the first things every child learns is how to play nicely with others. It's a skill that requires a willingness to compromise - that is, bend over and blindly acquiesce without demanding anything in return. Throughout his career, John Bolton has demonstrated that he cannot play nicely with others. Indeed, he's little more than a playground bully who will put the interests of his country above the needs of the International Community. A congressionally appointed envoy to the United Nations should not be a swaggering cowboy, but rather a nurturing, multi-breasted nursemaid upon whose giant teats developing third-world countries can perpetually suckle. Unless I am mistaken, John Bolton has no teats. All he has is a string of Top 40 hits and some rather intimidating facial hair.

So weeks from now, when they crack open George Voiniovich's garage to find the lifeless, blue corpses of Oliver Willis and the senator huddled together in his idling Caddy, you can place the blame squarely upon John Bolton and his unilateralist mustache.

Comments

Larry, You stupid Asshole. Everytime you try to critique the Left you shove your foot right down your throat.

We knew Georgey-Peorgey was going to appoint that bug-eating troll while we were outside playing kickball and hopscotch; that was our plan.

Now we really have some ammunition against Mein Busch. Wait til those pot smoking hippies and dick-hugging anarchists hear about this from the Liberal Press. The intensity of the protests will cause all citizens to vote democrat as it has done so in the past.

All Hail, al bundy martyr brigades! We have met the enema and it is US! We do not have an infidel dog to lick our boots anymore, or appraise the size of our weapons and the intent of our suicides! The longer Bolton stays in, the more likely we will run out of willing jihadist patsies who will dispatch themselves against him.

This means we must either find more incentives than a 25,000 check and 72 Virginians. We must institute a draft!

Camo, I think you and Pile On must watch "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" to stay in training for the quips, puns and general hillarity that ensues from your cunning lingual double entendres.
ROFLMBO!
Posted by: Cricket | August 3, 2005 01:55 AM

I must confess to having viewed that 'pon occasion...it takes talent to be a cunning linguist!

You are right Liberal Larry. John Bolton Has No Teats! How can he be of any use without those giant teats developing turd-world countries can perpetually suckle. I demand that Bolton shave his rectum and bend over. If not he should resign. In his place I recommend:

howie, you little commie symp, what in the hell do you mean with this sissy war ain’t the answer crap?

War is the answer to most things, you dumb kid.

You little pinko 5th column retards should grow some balls, and I don’t mean the inflated kind you’re always talking about. What in the hell do you morons want to pump up your scrotums for? Mine’s already the size of a grapefruit, but that’s because of a night I spent with this Filipina bar girl before we shipped out of Subic Bay. Nothing serious. Coupla shots of penicillin and I’m good as new.

As I was saying, war is the answer to most things. Drop a coupla nukes over Teheran and see if those towel heads don’t cry “uncle”! More gas for me, too. Filling up the Expedition costs about 55 bucks!

I say, invade Canada. They just made gay marriage legal and they’ve got lots of oil. I’ll bet those Canucks would surrender to an army of Girl Scouts.

So guess what? Chimpy mcPootertoot is taking yet another vacation in Crawford Texas. Do you believe that? According to the famed historian Michael Moore he's practically been on vacation his whole presidency!!!!!

The longer Bolton stays in, the more likely we will run out of willing jihadist patsies who will dispatch themselves against him.

Not true, Cr'q't. We just ask some simpleton to "deliver a package" to another jihadi, follow him at a safe distance, then at an opportune time, call him on one of our cell phones. But it's not really us calling him, it's his Maker! Tee hee! The joke is on him, and it beats the hell out of a whoopee cushion!

Next time he'll know better than to trust us…well, there won't be a next time, of course, but if there were, well, you know what I mean…

abu-Howie is correct. The Brigades, in the spirit of the Religion of Peace, communicates the following compromise to you infidels: we'll only saw halfway through your necks, and use half as many nails in our bombs.

There. I can tell you that it took some doing to get the Brigades down with such a generous offer, but I think we've got all the jihadis on board. Now you infidels, for your part, can meet us halfway by becoming an eighth century theocracy. Deal?