5. Be the Instigator

When you have sex with your partner, who usually starts it? If the answer is “my partner” or “I’m not sure, it just happens” this suggestion is for you. Sometimes initiating sex can be much harder than you believe. Yes, this person is your partner, but the fear of rejection is still in the atmosphere. Nothing makes you feel more undesirable than pulling out all the stops to hear “I’m not in the mood”. There is nothing wrong with not feeling it, or not wanting to have sex when your partner does, but when he is rejected, he is often deterred from trying as often.

Sometimes not having to initiate anything at all makes you feel even more desirable, the feeling of being wanted is huge in a relationship, even when sex isn’t involved. I had a discussion with a few of my male and female friends who were quite unhappy with their sex lives, they all had the exact same reason, and none of them stated “I want more sex” as the number 1 issue. They all said, “I want to feel wanted, just like them”.

They broke down how they were always the ones setting the mood, buying small gifts, leaving love letters, and also initiating sex. Two of the people I spoke to even talked about how men or women outside of their relationship seemed to take more interest in them than their current partners. Sometimes all you have to do to spice things up is do it first and stop waiting for things to happen to you.