September 19, 2011

10 People You Should Never Sleep With:

1. the boss. [late nights with dim lighting, a serious lack of sleep, and a deadline may lend itself to a personal feel but none of it’s reality. the next day, you still get paid by this person so even if it was just for a night, you basically took on a second profession.]

2. the coworker. [the morning walk of shame can only get more shameful when the two of you are walking to the same building. bet you at least one person in the office notices yesterday’s clothing and now the can of worms is officially wide open.]

3. the best friend. [thank god my current best friends are all female and i am not a lesbian. there is a lot to be said for marrying your best friend, but i think that means you form that bond after or during the romance; not before.]

4. the family. [even though i was raised in the South, i don’t mean this in the “toothless siblings” way. yet, i have a gut feeling sex with your second-cousin-through-marriage still stirs up some trouble when Thanksgiving rolls around.]

5. the bartender. [i don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with the bartenders themselves, but those of us on the receiving end of the drinks may not always be in our best decision-making state by the time we’re stumbling our way to their apartment.]

6. the celebrity. [yes, they are human just like the rest of us…but not really. they travel 335 days out of the year, spend most of their time with other famous people, and are more than likely to be the most narcissistic people you’ll ever meet. i love the exceptions to this rule though. you go Mrs. Damon.]

7. the musician. [let’s face it; they meet about 300 hot people every day who want to have sex with them and eventually they are bound to start seeing a blurred array of faces more than individuals. better to dream about the musician while sleeping with the graphic designer.]

8. the model. [this is simple: they’ve been beautiful their whole lives and therefore have never had to work hard at something as artful as intimacy. if you want a night not to remember okie dokie.]

9. the bad ex. [it didn’t work the first time and i don’t know anyone who just “forgets” all of the emotions that come with a breakup. they’re still bad for you, they still have all the annoying habits they had 2 years ago, it still won’t go anywhere, so let’s move on already.]

10. the teacher. [i am a sucker for authority figures and would definitely have trouble keeping my pants on in a hostage situation. but at the end of the day, bartering for a grade or freedom is no way to start a relationship.]