11.09.2011

So, I've noticed some of my fellow male fat admirers throwing tantrums
when women object to be sexualized without consent. These dudes whine
about how the women are telling them aren't allowed to find fat bodies
attractive.

Cut that shit out. Like now.

No one is out to confiscate your boners. Sexual attraction to fat bodies
is totally awesome. There may be people out there who want to shame you
for your sexuality, but its not these women. So, by all means, holster
your outrage and listen up.

The issue these women are complaining about isn't sexual attraction.
They are asking to be treated with respect and dignity. Try not to be
shocked at this stunning request. You still get that be sexually
attracted to fat women. Just, maybe respect them.

And actually, strike that maybe.

Don't act all mystified at this concept. Its possible to interact with
people you feel a sexual attraction towards without sexualizing them.
Sexual attraction doesn't mandate objectification. That's just you being
an asshole. Trust me, I've been attracted to fat women as long as I can
remember. I'm still able to appreciate context and react accordingly.
Its NOT. FUCKING. HARD. I'm sick and tired of men acting like this is
impossible and that people are trying to police their arousal. Are these
women saying its wrong to have sexual desire for fat bodies? NO. Its
not about your sexuality. Its about THEIR sexuality. They may well be
very happy to experience a fat admirer's sexual desire, but on their
terms and with their consent. This isn't outrageous or obnoxious. Its
their right.

I get that no one has ever told you that you should
respect fat women, but you should. I get that men are often taught by
our culture to sexualize and objectify women constantly, but that
doesn't make it okay and it certainly doesn't make you the victim when
people tell you to stop. Our culture systematically attempts to strip
women of their sexual agency and men have a responsibility to do their
part to stop that. Which mans starting with not doing yourself and
continues with telling other men to stop doing it.

This is
especially important for fat women who already live in a culture that
conspires to desexualize them. They often find themselves in scenarios
where they are told to choose between never being desired sexually or
always being objectified sexually. That's fucked up and wrong. You
should be able to know that by just basic empathy, but I'd submit that
as fat admirers its in our interest to combat thin privilege and male
privilege. Not just because standing with our current or prospective
romantic and sexual partners on issues of basic human dignity is the
right thing to do (though that really should be enough), but its in our
self-interest, too. Those restricted options women face impact us, too.
We are being taught that our sexuality is wrong and that if we act upon
it that we are deviants. We are told we don't deserve to open, loving
relationships with partners we are sexually attracted to. We are told we
shouldn't date them because they are "unhealthy". We are told there
must be some defect that causes our sexuality. We are being denied the
opportunity to embrace our sexuality in the ways men with conventional
attractions take for granted. The women who complain about
objectification of fat women aren't trying to take away our sexuality,
they are trying to fight for it! We should stand with them and resist
those who tell us to sexualize and objectify fat women because they
don't deserve better and we don't deserve better.

I know there
must be a lot of questions circling your head right now. Like, "but,
Brian, how will I masterbate?" First off, find someone with a hand to
spare and ask them smack you in the back of the head. What did I tell
you about no one confiscating your boners? I'm telling you to recognize
context as an element of personal expression. Fat people have a lot of
reasons to display their body that have nothing to do with your personal
gratification and that's what you need to respect. Maybe its
body-positive photography on Tumblr. Maybe its burlesque dance. Maybe
its just going to the beach in a bikini. These things aren't done to get
you off, and that's okay. You can appreciate what they are doing for
what it is. You can and should support fat women being affirmational
about their bodies without expecting that is being done for your limited
benefit. Its okay to just say "that's beautiful". It doesn't have to be
about what's going on in your pants.

And, in case you hadn't
noticed (and of course you have), there are fat women who want to
express their sexuality in a way which DOES consent to your sexual
gratification. You are lucky in that if you want to consume pornography
that you have a wealth of options that are produced and controlled by
the women appearing in it. These women have a made a choice for their
own sexual expression and agency. Women of a myriad of shapes, sizes,
colors, ages, and even gender identity. So fucking spare me the
complaints when women who don't consent take issue with being
objectified. The problem is respecting their sexual agency.
Objectification means you don't. Indeed, you probably specifically seek
out women are not trying to express their own sexuality. Don't be that
guy. Be better.