I don’t know who you are.
Or whether you’re a man or a woman.
I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you.
But I love you.
I hope that you escape this place.
I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again...
"Our lives our not our own"

Jul 16, 2014

My favorite female role model

I consider myself a
feminist, and when I declare myself as such, I always clarify that I’m not a
man hater, but that I’m not moderate in my –ism either: I believe that women
should have equal opportunities whilst considering our biological impairments,
and I believe that women should pursue all they want to pursue, and not be
judged for how they see and represent themselves. Every woman is different.

On that basis, whilst
procrastinating my troubles away through an IMDB poll I came across one of the
women I’ve considered my role model the longest. Most people, those that consider
themselves sane, would not agree to this woman being a role model. I read in a
post that if she is a role model, Barbie should be considered one, which is
quite a coincidence for me, because I named my first doll after this character.
This role model who has lived with me the longest, is called Scarlett O’Hara,
and I strive every day to be like her.

Now here’s where I
defend my statement; first of all I’m not particularly a femme fatale, nor
flirtatious, nor very successful with men, nor in any way a gold-digger of any
kind, and yet I identify with Scarlett, more than any other woman on the
planet, real or fictional, dead or alive, and here’s why: Scarlett is a flawed
but strong woman, who does not ask for forgiveness for who she is. She grows as
a character from the beginning of the film (or book, but I haven’t read the
book), but she still never loses her core. She never apologizes for her flaws,
and she does not get defeated by her own mistakes.

Apart from being as
played by Vivien Leigh, the most charming little thing anyone had ever met, she
was as smart as a whip, as selfish as the most spoiled rich brat, and as cruel
as any man. Scarlett is such a wonderful character because she’s a survivor who
takes matters at her own hands. She’s stronger than her female and male
counterparts alike, because she knows what needs to be done to survive, and she
does what needs to be done. In today’s society Scarlett wouldn’t have to marry
a man to achieve wealth, but let’s not forget she didn’t live in an era where
women are 75% equal to men (referring to the whole unequal pay business, we’re
actually even less empowered than that on a global level). In her circumstances
she’s not the naïve, moral one, she’s the strong one who transforms a curtain
into a fancy dress and hides her roughed up hands in a desperate attempt to get
out from her unfortunate situation. She’s so strong that despite her upbringing
she manages to turn ashes to food, and feed her family. She’s so inventive and
charming that she manages to become rich again. And as for men, she never
really belongs to anyone, not even Rhett. When her child dies she doesn’t cease
to exist. Some may even consider her a bad mother and bad human being for her
ability to move on, but she’s essentially a survivor, and I admire her for
that. And in the end she never lets herself cry, pitying herself, but she gets
herself up, believing that the morrow is another day, and she will find another
way to turn things around.

There’s no happy
ending in Gone with the Wind, and yet I love that film more than any other film
or book, because it’s just as realistic as life. Scarlett loses her child, she
loses the man she realizes she loves, and she’s left alone, but she doesn’t
despair, because she knows that like always, she will always find a way to
survive, and to make fate turn in her favor. To some she’s selfish, spoiled,
deceptive, greedy and immoral. To me, she’s a real woman, with flaws as women
have, and with merits as women have. I hate female characters that are too
perfect, because they portray the unrealistic demands men, other women, and
even the media have of us. We are not the perfect mothers, the perfect
housewives, the perfect leaders, the perfect employees, the heroes, the
villains. Just as Alanis Morissettes’s song lyrics say “I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother/ I'm a sinner,
I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed/ I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing
in between”, that’s what we women are, all of that. There are so many expectations of women to do
it all, and be perfect, and so many expectations to aspire to these perfect
models. If men are flawed, it’s ok, but if we are flawed we don’t deserve that
promotion, that perfect boyfriend, that perfect dress, or that great salary. Lose
weight, wear makeup, dress up nicely, be sweet, be nice, be quiet, be elegant,
be smart, be strong, be fearless, be intelligent, be modest, be nurturing, be dominant,
be thin, be curvy, be normal looking, be white, be dark, be flirtatious, be a
doll, be all of those things that magazines and our mothers and our fathers and
our partners expect of us. Scarlett O’Hara reminds me that it’s ok to make
mistakes, it’s ok to be flawed, and if I am flawed and if I make mistakes, I
still deserve to want and pursue the things I want. Every little girl should
watch Gone with the Wind and through Scarlett O’Hara realize that whoever they
decide to be in their lives, the only person they should care about first is
themselves. It’s ok to be selfish just like men. We all are selfish, and is by
taking ourselves less seriously, and by taking our desires more seriously that
we can survive and live to live another day.

Scarlett is the
perfect role model because she doesn’t ask for forgiveness for who she is and
what she wants, because she doesn’t let her flaws and her mistakes put her
down, and because she’s never second to men, other women, or the society’s
expectations of her. She always puts herself first, and in the worst moment in
her life, she stops crying, she gets herself up and she promises herself that
she will think about how to solve her problem tomorrow. And that is why, I’ve
always wanted to be like her, and I always will aspire to be like her.