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Thursday, December 31, 2015

The cat is back with his end of year attack. Hmm, maybe I'll forgo it this year. I'll let all give their cheer. That might be nice of me? Think I can do that at my sea?

Here we are,
Many at a bar.
End of the year.
Ready to cheer.

Swear up and down,
All across the town,
That this will take form,
And bye bye to the norm.

Fast forward a week.
What they said was Greek.
Or maybe it was French.
Could have just been a monkey with a wrench.

The day is still the same.
Out goes their flame.
They still sit like a twit,
Not getting fit.

Still slave at a job,
With poor old Bob.
Still hate the job too,
Giving a familiar moo.

Still whine every day,
That there's no time to play.
Still blame the world,
Their life hasn't twirled.

But that is okay.
They have another magic day.
Jan 1, 2017 is it.
Then they'll change that shit.

And if that isn't a perk,
Jan 1, 2018 will work.
There is always a day,
For "magic" to play.

Until one faithful day,
You remember what you say,
But it is far too late,
Because you're at a pearly gate.

Whoopsy, you're dead.
Died in your bed.
The magic day was lost,
Because you let yourself get bossed.

A cheery way to end the year from my rhyming rear. Don't you want to go out and wish on that "magic" day for all your cares to go away? Pfffffft to any of that shit, every little bit. More magic in the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I figure since my normal last year post is near, you know, the one where I tell people to stick their magic day in their rear, I'd give belief a go. Some just like to let it flow.

That can't be true.
I don't sniff glue.
I'm dead on.
It's not a con.

No way whatsoever.
I'm far too clever.
My belief is right.
It has the most bite.

Yours is wrong.
Dumb as Donkey Kong.
There is no other way.
Listen to what I say.

Believe in only me.
That way from sea to sea.
And if you don't agree,
Stay away from me.

I am all right.
Let your ideas take flight.
They are stupid anyway.
My belief shall not stray.

I know a kangaroo can hop.
I know the Yankees are a flop.
I know a cat has hair.
I know all at my lair.

I am in the know.
Your ideas are low.
They can't stop mine.
They must align.

If they don't,
Believe I won't.
Can't stop me.
I'm as right as can be.

I know you agree.
You just want to fight me.
I'm really the right one.
So stop this thing of fun.

Just settle and agree.
Come and sit with me.
I'll show you the way,
To a brighter day.

Pffft says the cat. Stuff your belief where you are at. Or stuff it further too. Like up what you use to sit on the loo. Belief is fine and dandy and it can come in handy, but it doesn't mean you're right. Yet idiot humans still try and sway people to their plight. Doesn't matter what it is with the belief biz. Believe what you want and no need to taunt. Otherwise you can believe you'll suck on the gas from my ever so believable little rhyming ass.

Win dough, win a car,
Bait has you near and far.
Horrible news, canceled show,
Bait has you in the know.

Eyes flirt at the bar,
You go to the back of a car.
Bait screwed you in the end,
And an STD is now your friend.

All the places bait can go would leave me here forever rhyming high and low. Do you ever take bait? Ever think about bait's trait? Hopefully you watch the bait when you mate. Don't need an STD bait on your plate. Now I'm done with my current pass and off I go with my baiting little rhyming ass.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Wow, so much to do at every zoo. Just type in a number and you won't have time to slumber. Google is a nice friend. It will be with you to the end. Warning, it may spy or lead you somewhere where you may die.

It's the 28th today,
But that I bet you knew.
If you lost your way,
I don't forgive you.

What? I'm not a forgiving cat.
So friggin what?
Deal with that.
Am I in a what rut?

It's 28% day.
A 28th annual rib fest.
The other 72% sail into the bay?
Isn't ribbing the best?

It's the 28th pregnancy week.
Damn, I didn't even know.
Were you playing hide and seek,
Down there below?

28th in words.
I just don't have the skill.
28th in words of birds?
Mountain out of a mole hill.

That would be some mountain.
Or would it be some mole?
What if it drowned in a fountain?
Would it still leave a big hole?

On the 28th I went off track.
It was a bad thing to do.
A mole had a heart attack,
And I bankrupted the mole zoo.

Go to 28th ave. for a rest.
I hear the hotels are great.
Which 28th ave. has the best?
Sorry, you asked too late.

The 28th metro cruise.
That is big news.
How can you lose,
By going on a cruise?

And if that isn't enough,
The 28th has much more.
Get ready for some science stuff,
The 28th Fungal Genetics Conference is something of lore.

The cat just wanted to see what Google would give me. So I type 28th in and up popped this stuff for the win. Any fun things on the 28th at your sea? Do you want to go to the fungal conference with me? Maybe the 29th will be more fun. Okay, for the 28th I'm done. Until the next 28th comes to pass. Then I'll 28th away my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

So today I am writing my 2000th post. This isn't the 2000th post to post at my coast. Are you confused at your sea? That is nothing new when visiting me.

2000 have come and not gone.
I've written them for each dawn,
But they have not shown.
Did the bell ding at the tone?

That is right.
Scheduled at my site.
Even the 24 in one day.
Can celebrate twice that way.

2000 sure is a feat.
Never would have guessed it at my street.
Figured I'd make a rhyme or three,
Then run off on some other spree.

But here we are,
2000 at my sand bar.
Even if they don't show.
You believe me though.

And all original too.
Take that Hollywood redo.
You can't top the cat.
Maybe in $$ where you're at.

2000 is off though.
That 2 has to go.
Guess I'll have to make it to 10,
To appease my OCD at my den.

Hey, 2000 only took 5 years or so,
Means I got another 20 to go.
Wouldn't that be nifty?
Still rhyming when I'm fifty.

Any guess what post 2000 will be?
Could go anywhere at my sea.
But then I already have gone everywhere.
So maybe you'll just sit and stare.

A nice white screen.
Hopefully it will be clean.
I can't promise though,
Especially if you are as dirty as a crow.

2000 I'll say once more.
Took a ton at my shore.
How many words you think that is?
Quite a lot with the rhyming biz.

Got to 2000 yet at your sea? Do you schedule ahead like me? It can be rough to do if you have a current news of any kind zoo. Otherwise as easy can be. I wonder what the 2000th post is that you will see? Maybe Gloria will get her zombie feet? That might be neat. I bet I'll still have gas and still be a little rhyming ass.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

The cat doesn't mind boxes at all. They are fine and dandy at our hall. But Cassie has another idea for everyone. I think humans already do this one.

Cassie wants Blanket Day.

Easy peasy at each bay.

Curl up and sleep.

Works for our keep.

I prefer the box.

It has no locks.

In I can go,

After running to and fro.

Cassie gave it a sniff.

Maybe it was me she wanted to whiff.

I chased her away.

It was my box on display.

But she came back,

On the box eating attack.

I guess it was yummy.

Could be hard on the tummy.

She came in,

Sniffing my chin.

I ran away.

Damn crowds at our bay.

Can you see?

There is Cassie.

She claimed it after my dash.

Pat didn't use the flash.

I remembered my box fondly though.

It had quite the space you know.

Cassie stole it from me.

That caused me no glee.

So I found a comfy box.

Nice carpet more comfy than socks.

I'll just eat those,

Leaving Pat with holey toes.

See? Said it was a box.

This too has no locks.

Two ways in and out.

So I had no need to pout.

Cassie went back to her original plan.

I guess of it she was more of a fan.

The box remained empty after that.

Oh the life of a spoiled cat.

Agree with Blanket Day at your sea? Or would you rather hop in a box with me? I may chase you out. That could make you pout. It may have a funky smell as well. Hey, gas can be hell. Enjoy your boxes class while I rest my little rhyming ass.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Did you think the cat wouldn't post? Pffft, you should know by now at your coast. The cat shall not miss a day, even if the fat guy comes our way. We were on patrol though and thankfully, none of the below did show.

There was no smoker,

Or Santa toker.

That made us glad.

Who needs the bad?

Thankfully there wasn't a ton,

As we have no room for everyone.

Plus Santa germs we don't need,

Here at our blog feed.

And umm, just no.

This guy would have to go.

Thankfully he didn't show.

We don't need a final blow.

And no skinny ones,

Gave us the runs.

Plus he wasn't dead,

With a tilted head.

He came and went.

We didn't get bent.

He was rather spry,

For a jolly fat old guy.

Hope you have a good day and none of the above Santa's came to play. That would just suck. Unless they gave you a shiny new truck. But it may be stolen or "borrowed" at least. So chew on that as you feast. Anyway, Merry Christmas from prissy Cass and my every so little rhyming ass.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

The cat is relaxing away here at our bay. We are back from that other sea, I really hate visiting nanny. But shhh don't tell. Profanity Granny may raise hell.

Back to life,
Free from strife.
Or barred with it.
Like the 9-5 shit.

No longer merry,
Back to contrary.
How life goes.
People and their woes.

Like a flip of a switch,
From saint to bitch.
Whoops, did I say that?
Such a naughty cat.

The trees are out.
Done snacking on trout.
Or would that be turkey?
Some may chow down on jerky.

The red suits are gone,
No lights on the lawn.
All collecting dust again,
Unless you decorate "early" at your den.

The kids are in school,
The air is cool.
The snow is falling.
I find that appalling.

Bills to be paid.
Call that fair trade?
Or maybe dumb luck?
Yeah, go and pass the buck.

First you'd need a buck to pass.
Maybe use a loonie mass.
Could go all toonie.
Don't you love this cartoony?

No more cheery songs,
Unless nuts sucking on bongs,
I can't vouch for them guys.
Hey, I tell no lies.

I can now nap,
Without a butt sniffer chap.
Such a peaceful time.
Unless you're a mime.

What was that? I'm off where I'm at? I'm still stuck at nanny's you say? This horrible day hasn't gone away? Hmph, the cat will have to wish harder to go home. Pat is so rude for making us roam. But Merry Christmas Eve to all as you deck the hall. Hey, it's June with this pass, so I don't need to be a cheery little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

So last year this time I decided to write this chime, after watching nuts in a store. I just wanted to watch at my shore. I figured it would be good blog fodder for me and I had some time to kill before going to the other sea.

Two women fought over a turkey.
It looked as small as jerky.
I guess they needed more,
Or waited late at their shore.

There were more cars there,
Then a car lot has to spare.
If you wanted to park,
You'd have to find a place with no mark.

Carts were filled to the brim.
Are these people dim?
I can see forgetting a thing or two,
But enough to feed a whole zoo?

Shelves were good and bare.
I did spot some hair.
That made me think, yummy.
Want some hair with your gummy?

One guy elbowed a little old lady,
Yeah he was quite shady,
To grab a can of some crap.
He took off as she began to flap.

Another lady took the last cart.
A whiner had to go make a dart.
He found one in the corral.
He was quite the foul mouthed pal.

One took his whole arm,
And caused a shelf harm.
Yep, the guy took his arm and plopped all in his cart.
All that canned crap can't be good for the heart.

People were as grumpy as can be,
Not very Christmas like at their sea.
Carts were rammed here and there,
You'd swear we were at an American lair.

Some whined they still had to wrap.
Another whined he needed a map.
Yep, he was lost in the store.
Or maybe he just needed to shop more.

And that was my walk.
I didn't even talk.
I just strolled on in and out.
My, what angry shoppers can shout.

Why wait until the last day? Are they that nuts at their bay? Think they are going to get some big deal? Like those things are ever really real. I guess the cheer doesn't count in the store. Nuts going in and out each door. Glad I needed nothing at all. But fun to watch at my hall. Not that I want to do it again. Rather go play with a hen. You shoppers sure aren't a merry mass. You scare my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The cat will save you some time with today's rhyme. Unless your mind has already be tainted by some. Then I guess you can just agree with my rhyming bum.

If the fat guy is green,

When upon your scene,

Turn the channel away.

You'll have a better day.

If the fat guy needs Greyskull,

It will turn out dull.

Worse than that.

Be pretty much scat.

Speaking of scat.

Avoid this where you are at.

A bad sequel rip off thing.

No praises for it you will sing.

Pac-man stopped eating.

I guess he skipped trick or treating.

Or maybe it grew fleeting.

Either way, well worth deleting.

Sonic is fast.

So make this a thing of the past.

Run away from it.

Sure not a hit.

TMNT's singing a tune.

Splinter even does like a loon.

Sooo just not right.

Your head may get a holey night.

Want to be hairy?

Otherwise this is scary.

Star Wars it is not.

Barely has a plot.

If you gotta catch them all,

Might want to rethink that call.

Santa and Pikachu.

Who knew?

Yoshi the stuff eating reindeer.

When he comes near,

He'll gulp you down,

And poop you out as an egg over town.

And do I need a reason?

This is just treason.

Run the other way.

Don't join the scary fray.

And now I have saved you time. No need to watch any old crime. Can keep the holiday spirit as these would make you fear it. Maybe if you have little time to waste and pretty poor taste, give them a go and see if you agree with my show. Otherwise avoid each and every pass. Trust my little rhyming ass.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Robbie Raisin is here to spread lots of cheer. Actually I just want to put on a show so my ratings don't blow. I need to make a buck too. Let's hope you all have something great to get people to tune in and view.

So Blue Grumpster guy, what would you start off with to make the ratings fly?

Not a toadOn the roadOr a foxIn a boxWearing socks

That was so helpful as it ruled out 2 of a 100 billion things. Hank, I see you waiting in the wings.

Pity the muttA boner of sortIt has to live with it then, the nasty Vet!

A dog with a boner that's been fixed. Wow, Beer Guys, can you make that nixed?

Can't tell if yawning, or sneezing, or biting, or all of the above.

Do you really want to do what a boner dog does when boning? PL Keenor do your senses have another honing?

scared the you know what out of me!

Shit doesn't fly on air. Tabbies, anything from your lair?

orlin: " I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse "

cassie: "do I look like I give a damn "

This isn't a puppet show you know. Bijoux what would you put on the show?

My kids could write a book called Paranoid Grandma.

How long would that take? Betty, tell me ratings you can make.

along with the image of the cat and pee

A kids book with grandma's, cats and pee. Gloria, say you have something for me?

Sounds funny!

We've hit the low audience today. Robyn, care to make them go away?

some cats ARE assholes and deserve to be bitten

Biting cats would keep them here. Betsy, bring a good idea near.

Biting a cat back is just funky!

We know that. Truedessa, anything wise where you are at?

I saw a naughty shot, the cat should give you a swat

You want to bring porn to this? Anne, anything besides such bliss?

She's so much like me, it's uncanny. Except that my tits still sit a little higher up than hers (for now anyway)

Anne, the porn star? Did you go very far?

I need professional help.

More than we needed to know. Suza, you have to have something to add to the show.

Made me spit out my drink

Backwash? That is it? Brian, anything to make it a hit?

Yep, that one will me in my head fur a while!

Anne's images must stick. Keepin It Real Folks, care to make your pick?

I'm impressed with how clean your house is!

This isn't for the OCD nuts. Jax, get us out of these ruts.

I can only imagine me trying to explain to my manager that I wanted to hear a rhyming cat sing a tune!

I'm sorry I asked. Susan, you have been tasked.

Thanks a lot for that irritating tune

So you made up the tune to her nutty ring? Miss Caitlin S, care to add something?

I can't believe you wrote this

I didn't, you did. Sandra Cox, make all viewers flip their lid.

I swear I've seen every size and variety:)

And now we're back to porn. Rosey, are you so forlorn?

Thanks for the new experience. -_- lol

I guess she likes porn. Fundy Blue, are you torn?

Now that was truly icky-scary!!!!!

Nope, guess not. Jacquelineand.... are you enjoying the plot?

the farty song, I fear

Guess she has too much gas. Mary Kirkland, care for a pass?

That cat is so cute that all else slipped my mind except cat cuteness.

Wasn't your thing rats? Theresa, what do you think of our stats?

I zone out, then someone asks me a question and I sit there with a blank stare.

Kind of like the one you have now? Wow, viewers are going to have a cow. There is no talent around here. I have to go elsewhere I fear. Robbie Raisin is through with you. Stay away from Whoopdi Friggin Doo.

***********************************

And you scared him away. At least until another day. My what dirty minds you all have at your sea. Anne even got two in with glee. Who knew Jacqueline had a thing for gas? Not my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

So Pat was leaning against a wall, waiting for them to get done the dumb car recall. Yeah, stupid recalls are a pain. But better than crashing into a train. Anyway, was crossing his arms and that raised alarms.

Why are you so defensive?
It won't be expensive.
No need to cross your arms.
Sit with the rest on the recall farms.

No, I'll stand.
And I'll cross my arm or hand.
Just because I want to.
Now go somewhere and shoo.

See, I knew you were defensive.
Maybe a little apprehensive.
Why don't you go and sit.
I bet you will like it.

Sit on it.
You stupid twit.
Leave me be.
Go climb a tree.

That's no nice.
Recalls don't cost a price.
Don't be mad.
Not much time is had.

Twits are everywhere.
There are twits to spare.
I stand because I want to.
So go stick your head in a loo.

That can't be comfy though.
Come, sit and watch the talk show.
Maybe you can learn.
They'll call you when it is your turn.

Stick it up your ass.
Go choke on a bass.
Leave me be.
I'm not in the way, so flee.

You are rude.
No need for attitude.
I hate the defensive,
They are so apprehensive.

Finally took the hint.
Maybe she'll go pop a mint.
Bad breath and twit.
Bet she is a salesperson hit.

Yep, Pat was thought to be defensive at our sea because he was leaning against a wall, arms crossed, and waiting for them to finish their recall for free. Pffft, only got ticked with the twit wouldn't leave him alone. Ever get those who won't go away unless you change your tone? Or those who think crossed arms are bad? Damn, they come at my every which way at our pad. The twit can go choke on the gas that comes out of my not crossed little rhyming ass.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

The cat must have a target on his back. Maybe it's a clear target I lack? Should I walk around with an F the crazies sign? Then they may stray far far away from the feline. I suppose it could be worse. At least it wasn't Flappy that made me curse.

Christmas is the devil.
It's so not on the level.
It twists everything around.
Like a tail chasing hound.

You shouldn't celebrate it.
Nope, not one bit.
Takes away from religious ways.
Santa has everyone in a daze.

You can't believe in him.
That is just dim.
He makes everything grim.
Christ is the one true HIM.

Let him in.
Christmas is sin.
Don't buy a thing.
Give and give at your wing.

Give to the church.
We need a new perch.
Come and give to us.
See, we are making a fuss.

Ignore the fat guy.
He's just a lie.
Give Christ a try.
Then you won't fry.

This is the way.
Come and join the fray.
Otherwise you are wrong.
Come sing our song.

No cheery tunes.
They are for loons.
Christmas is a drag.
Follow us with a tail wag.

Here, take a pamphlet home.
I bet to us you'll roam.
We are the way.
Heed what we say.

Yep, there were nuts outside a store going on and on and on by the door. Christmas is oh so bad. Religion is oh so rad. Can't have both, just one. Christmas isn't supposed to be given a run. Pffft all these crackpots get is sass from my little rhyming ass.

Friday, December 18, 2015

The search engine nuts are still at it. Some seem to have come from my long ago sex fit. The title generator thing that I did at my wing. Don't go sucking back some whiskey and getting all frisky.

whiskey and me on a plane

I said not to get frisky. Joining the mile high club with that whiskey?

monkey finger ass

I can do it too. Human, brain, not you.

first place scary faces

Second place not good enough for you? What the PC brigade is going to do.

tremendous sex tips

Whoopsy, you only found me. No tips for thee.

10 tremendous sex tips

Fine, I'll give you one. When it comes to sex tips from a cat, take none.

Snowman balls on ice

Be very slippery and not nice. Would they stick to the ice?

watch n ra d den

Does your search have a stutter? That has to make you spit and sputter.Cat playing sex with doll

Wow, you need a girlfriend at your sea. But you won't get one being that creepy.

Sex in back of a truck.

Still shit outta luck. The cat is snip snip and can't ummm, fluck.

managger cauht me

And they saw you have bad grammar. Or are you one with a search stammer?

spelled or spelt or spelleds

You're asking me? They do have a dictionary for thee.Mom made me each spinach

It's good for you, just look at Popeye's view.

Spanked on the ass in the snow

Did you want the sting to go? Do I even want to know?

Spock sex

Go figure, a trekkie nerd that is searching for something absurd.

And the final one for the day takes the cake at my bay. I guess they really needed a hit. They sure wanted to have it. A hit of what I don't know. But they sure let it flow.

I hit 1000,0000 today and ejaculated

I spit my water when I saw that. How do these people find the cat? The comma is in the wrong place too. But keep it and that seed at your zoo. That is some excitement though and over what, I don't want to know. I will let you figure out that trespass. It is too disturbing for my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

The cat sees another word thrown around a ton. I guess all aren't satisfied with an awesome this and awesome that run. They have to throw miracle into the mix. Miracle sure has a bag of tricks.

It's sooooooo wowing.
All should be bowing.
It's a miracle I got this post done.
I mean look, there's the sun.

What a miracle that is.
The sun and its shiny biz.
It is so miraculous to see.
How did a post ever come due by me?

A miracle I tell you.
It has to be true.
See that smudge on the wall?
It is a miracle, that's all.

Wow, I took a dump in the litter.
That even impressed the babysitter.
A miracle I tell you it was.
Not something just because.

A miracle I can shit.
Wow, think I could sell it?
Bottle it by the pound.
Could sell plenty to a hound.

It is a miracle I'm typing this to you.
It is a miracle that it is in view.
Such a miraculous fate.
It's a miracle it doesn't post late.

Wow, aren't you thrilled?
Your mind must be filled.
It is so miraculous today,
As I type away at my bay.

Look, my fingers didn't fall off my hand.
Wow, that is oh so grand.
A miracle if I ever saw one.
Damn, miracles happen a ton.

I really need to bottle it.
Then I can make a miracle hit.
Miracles for one and all,
Just sniff it back at your hall.

Miracle Air in a bottle.
Coming to you full throttle.
Just open it and suck back the air,
Then miracles will happen everywhere.

It is a miracle you didn't order 50,000 bottles right now. It is a miracle if you truly have a cow. All miracled out at my sea? Think every last thing is a miracle to thee? Pffffft says the cat. Most things are no more a miracle than my scat. Just humans reaching for some stupid thing like luck and passing the buck. Now some may occur indeed but not every other thing at ones feed. Now I am through with my sass and away I go with my miraculous little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The cat hasn't gone the limerick mile in quite a while. So what the hell. I'll ring that bell. It may be swell or prove I need a padded cell. Either way, the cat shall play.

He was jolly and fat,
With a red cotton hat.
His face all aglow,
Enjoying the show,
Until they reached for a bat.

Rudolph was ready.
His fat rather thready.
But he awaited his due,
By a happy elf crew.
His final piece eaten by Elf Eddy.

Santa visited the naughty,
Their track record spotty.
He wanted a thrill,
But forget his pill,
So couldn't beam up Scottie.

Some fat guy was drunk,
And he climbed in a trunk.
The lid slammed down,
As he drove across town,
Squashed when the car was turned to junk.

Santa struck a pose,
And put his finger to his nose.
With a twinkle in each eye,
You could tell he was high.
That and he was wearing no clothes.

Christmas brings toys,
To the good girls and boys.
But I want an auto,
Or a winning ticket from the lotto.
The rest is background noise.

Upon on careful inspection,
Santa made a projection.
The earth held too many,
And he couldn't ignore any.
So he gifted all a yearly supply of protection.

The kids were having a fit,
Tearing presents where they sit.
When along came the pup,
Who had not given up.
Finding his gift of Santa shit.

The cat is through. Got any at your zoo? I could go on all day. But then that may cause dismay. Plus the cat may get on the naughty list. Wait. I think I'm already there unless I was missed. Oh well, what the hell. I said it twice. How nice. Maybe I'll get a new singing bass? That wouldn't impress my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

It is rather sad how you humans have your heads down every single day. On your little phones you play. Then you walk into a bus and whine. You get no sympathy from this feline. But worse still you need them for all, not just texting or making a call.

Help me phone.
Help me now!
At the tone,
Have a cow.

I got lost at lunch.
I took a wrong turn.
I found my way at brunch.
Go two steps left, live and learn.

The light bulb won't work.
Phone, what do I do?
Tell me you, jerk!
Change it to something new?

I can't send a fax.
Who does that anymore?
Do they charge a tax?
Phone, save me from this chore.

Phone, my door won't lock.
Can you help me out?
That is a nice photo stock.
Hmm so I twist the key about?

I can't tie my shoe.
What am I to do?
Phone, can I buy new?
Show me what should come due.

Is the toilet handle used?
Should I flush it down?
Phone, you must feel so abused.
I bet if you could, you'd frown.

Phone, what is that I see?
It has fur and meows at me.
Could it be a cat, feline or kitty?
We are in the city.

Phone, what is the difference between the three?
A cat and kitty and feline.
I know they aren't the same to me.
Can you give me a sign?

Phone, what is my horoscope today?
I think that is what I need.
I can't handle this dismay.
Typing is such a hard deed.

You humans and your phones. You ask them everything at the tones. So, so sad that some actually need to ask for such things. And they aren't a kid or under a rock or banished by kings. Ever see nuts searching their phones for two plus two? Some even get lost in the loo. That is sad and crass. No getting lost in public loos for my little rhyming ass.

Monday, December 14, 2015

The cat is back at his shack with a new book that hopefully won't scare many at their nook. The Boogeyman is out on the attack until someone gives him flack. The Boogeyman doesn't scare her, not even if he has fur.

The Boogeyman was out,
Making kids shout.
When he found a fan.
So he needed a plan.

He watched her boogie oogie,
Not afraid of his boogie.
How could he win?
He needed to do her in.

But it would not work,
All she did was smirk.
A kid was winning.
He found that sinning.

Then he got it.
Nope, it wasn't spit.
That made him mad,
Way more than a tad.

He had to scare,
And stop this affair.
But could it be done?
Would he ruin her fun?

And there we go, one more to end the year at our show. The Boogeyman even gets to be that star. My, won't he go far. Now all know he is no more scary than a strawberry. That may be bad to Blabber though, as she thinks a strawberry is a foe. And so adds another book to the mass from my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

So the cat has made fun of best before as everything seems to claim it at its shore, but what of those everyday people saying this is the best? Are they as dumb as each and every other best pest?

This is the best.
They say it with zest.
Like it passes a test,
And beats all the rest.

But what of the best?
Can it be your guest?
Best of the west?
This isn't a test.

Best is a pest.
Spray that on a crest.
The pest of best.
That would be quite the fest.

And guess what?
Say it in a rut.
Say it like a nut.
Say it as King Tut.

Not the best at all.
Even if you stand tall.
Could it be the best?
Yep, may beat all the rest.

But do you truly know?
99.9999% sure that's a no.
No and know with my flow.
Cheating a bit, I know.

Why can't you truly know?
You saw its pretty glow.
So you must be right.
Yeah, and a cat won't bite.

You can say it is the best book.
You can say it is the best look.
You can say it is the best flick.
Best can be shouted by every hick.

But doesn't make it true.
Not in the least bit from you.
What would make it true?
That's easy to come due.

Read EVERY single book ever written.
Now with the best you can be smitten.
You can be 100% sure it is the best.
Isn't best just a pest?

That would also mean your opinion is 100% right too. My, the best sure has a hold on the human crew. Maybe just stick with great. Or the over used, "that was awesome," trait. Do you say the best with class? Now you've been wised up by my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Some are happy go lucky, thinking all will get or stay ducky. You've met those. They curl the cat's toes. At least the ones without a brain who thinks better is coming on the next train. So they sit and stare without a care.

Better you will be.
Trust little old me.
Better is coming.
Hear its humming?

A better life.
A better wife.
A better house.
A better mouse.

Better is the way.
Better will come to stay.
You just sit and wait,
For your better trait.

Better health.
Better wealth.
A better city.
Such a better ditty.

Dance with me.
Follow that glee.
Now sit and stare.
Better beware.

See what I did there?
Better not care.
Better not fight.
Better will take flight.

There are better days.
Just you sit and gaze.
There are better ways.
Better will make it through the maze.

Better get ready.
Better is coming steady.
Better is on task.
Better not ask.

Better just wait.
Better not hate.
Better will show.
Better's at your window.

Things will get better.
Just put on a sweater.
All better from the cold.
Better can sure take hold.

Pfffffft says the cat. Better believe that. Things won't get better if you just sit and wait doing nothing at all. Unless you have some rich relative that kicks the bucket at your hall. Have to get off your ass if you want better. That is my better rhyming letter. Better can almost always be done, but wishing and hoping isn't going to better anyone. Now that cat is through with this ranting pass. You better believe my little rhyming ass.

Friday, December 11, 2015

When the cat needs time he makes time. So that is not this chime. This chime is for things I have no time for. Does that make sense at my shore? It soon will. No need to pop a pill.

Commercials at my sea.
Sorry, skipped by me.
Animal haters one and all,
Can kiss my ass at my hall.

Poor pitiful me types.
I don't give a crap about your gripes.
Whiners from sea to sea.
On you I'd take a pee.

24/7 one topic wonders,
Can stuff their blunders.
My kids, the weather, my food.
Shut up for a second about your one topic or get attitude.

The haters at the gate.
Pfft stuff your hate.
Or go pound sand,
From any old land.

The brain dead.
Stupid is all that is said.
Yeah, you love your pot,
But you still suffer from brain rot.

The idiots who are blind,
I mean of the stuck kind.
Those unable to see another way,
Can go shove their face in my litter tray.

The big bad bums.
They want to become chums,
Just to be a leech.
Sorry, go bury yourself at the beach.

Idiots who ask the same question,
Especially those where it is more of a suggestion.
If I want to hear something over and over,
I'll go play with a butt sniffing rover.

The sympathy seekers.
They love being brain leakers.
Won't do anything to help themselves one bit.
They'd rather you fawn over their fit.

The look at mes, ads, public bathrooms, idiot co-workers, crybabies and fleas.
Damn, this was a breeze.
I could go on all day.
Oh yeah, nosey idiots too at my bay.

What are things you have no time for? Did I hit any at my shore? I could go on forever. Damn, I guess I have time for a good endeavor. Some of them can be hard to avoid though. But best to keep interaction with any low. I always have time for the singing bass, I can swat him with my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Did you know a blueberry can do a lot? It has quite the plot. It is all hot to trot. Never fear, you will be taught. Taught by a cat. How about that?

There was a man,
We'll call him Stan,
Who had a beard,
And acted weird.

His beard was hairy,
And housed a blueberry.
He'd eat them two by two,
But away one flew.

It missed his mouth,
And headed south.
In his beard it stuck,
Like a shoe to muck.

He went for a stroll,
Embracing his weird role.
He chased all away,
With his scary display.

Dogs and cats,
Cows and rats.
Women and kids,
Men flipped their lids.

Yep, he was scary,
And far too hairy.
But he strutted along,
Whistling a song.

At the end of his walk,
Came a happy shock.
He felt the blueberry on his chin,
It was as good as any lotto win.

He picked it from his beard,
2 days later everyone cheered.
For he had eaten the blueberry,
Leaving everyone merry.

The blueberry was rotten,
Could have even grew cotton.
I guess that would be mold,
Either way, illness took hold.

Poor Stan became a ghost,
After the thing he loved the most,
Poisoned him with mold,
And his body became cold.

Never eat things you find in a beard. They are something to be feared. What was the point in this at my joint? The cat was asked how a story can come due. See now? Easy as can be at my zoo. Think of one thing and let it fly. Can even make a blueberry kill a scary guy. Let them flow and you just never know how they'll go. I could do these in mass, killing off humans is fine for my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Don't you just love the bankers? They are all a bunch of crummy wankers. At least most of them the cat has met. They just annoy this pet.

Look at your account,
It has an amount.
We can't have that.
Come chew the fat.

Not my fat.
We can't have that.
Plus it's nasty to.
But that you knew.

Sit with me,
It's all free.
Hear what we want.
I won't taunt.

We are here to help,
So you won't yelp.
That is our way,
Each and every day.

So you have money.
That is really funny.
You know no one else does,
Forget the mattress fuzz.

They set up this and that.
They are happy where they are at.
They can be brain dead.
Not having to get out of bed.

Automatically have us do it.
Automatically it by every bit.
Automatically take the cake.
Automatically investments we'll make.

Set it up to run,
Then go and have fun.
It is that easy.
No need to get cheesy.

We'll take your dough,
Automatically it will flow.
Flow into this and that,
Even easy enough for a cat.

Automatically pay every bill.
Automatically pay for a thrill.
Automatically save and invest.
Automatic is just the best.

Pfffft says the cat. Stick your automatic this and that. I control where it goes, so pound that up your banker nose. Even if there isn't much there. I won't fall for your stupid automatic stare. Go all automatic at your sea? Sure as heck isn't for me. They can automatically have the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

So the cat has lived in a dump, a dump that most any place can trump, then we moved away from there and go a better lair. But we can easily tell they saved dough when it was built. Why? Stupid things up the hilt.

Cook on the stove,
Maybe some grove.
All I use is the burner,
I'm just a knob turner.

But whoopsy to that.
The bedroom breaker chews the fat.
As in use the stove and it flips off.
Enough to make anyone scoff.

Turn the water to cold,
Where things may not remain bold,
And whoopsy it is hot.
Hot and cold is a guessing game a lot.

Comes with one light bulb out of three.
They may not want you to see.
Then you may learn,
They cut corners at every turn.

The hallways are big enough for a cat.
Otherwise, better hope you aren't fat.
As you aren't getting through.
Can't go two by two.

And then after they save,
No path to riches they pave.
They won't even show,
Not high or oh so low.

Nope, won't be there to take rent.
Then if you don't pay they get bent.
When they are the ones that aren't around,
Even at times when they say they will be found.

But it isn't a dump.
So okay with a bump.
Until the next time at least,
Pat moves us and I act like a scary beast.

It's the little things, right? Pffft day and night. But one can still get by, even with cold when hot to the eye. One just has to know how it will flow. Our 17th move may come soon, or not, to a new sand dune. We shall see what comes to pass for my little rhyming ass.

Monday, December 7, 2015

The cat thinks you may be late. A card may be your fate. You may need one for someone near. Could tell them you want to umm grope their rear. Well there is an easy way. Just look at the below cards on display.

Grow nice and strong.

Let it get long.

Might fall off though,

Or get eaten by a reindeer you know.

What would that be?

Open to see.

I hear it's a card.

Wasn't that umm hard?

Keep things spry.

Away the sleigh bells will fly.

Or something will fly.

At least on a guy.

One for the pet.

It is a safe bet,

They won't like the snip snip.

Here is some lip.

Make a wish.

Fill a dish.

Or fill her up.

Get it? Err umm blame a pup.

Asses up.

Enough for a pup.

The same guy though.

Multiplicity come and go?

Naughty is more fun.

Who needs a nice run.

Let the naughty fly.

No need to impress a jolly fat guy.

Is that true?

Who knew?

Maybe a few,

Who got small packages at their zoo.

Santa gets around,

Seems fun is found.

Or rather scary stuff.

At least he isn't in the buff.

And finally just give it.

Hope they get lots of shit.

Not in the brown way.

But still, a fun display.

Need a card now? I bet these will wow. Can find them at this sea. I found them and figured I'd help thee. Can get great wrapping paper too. Enjoy at your zoo. I hope you get more than gas, that would not impress my little rhyming ass.

It is just my way.
I want all to play.
See what I write.
My words take flight.

My place must be addressed,
I am that obsessed.
Come sit in my nest,
Flock and be obsessed.

It is so great.
I have a great trait.
Come and see me.
I'm at the place to be.

I'm stat obsessed.
I have to be the best.
My time is pressed,
But you should come as I'm obsessed.

Obsessed nuts with stats don't usually get anywhere. Why is that at their lair? Because they don't go anywhere. They just sit and expect you to stare. Not going to happen at all, no matter how loud you shout your stat obsessed call. When fun and enjoyment gives way to obsession at your sea, you've already lost and should take a knee. That is my obsession rhyme for the stat class. Thankfully I'm not a stat obsessed, although they are nice, little rhyming ass.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

The cat just plops down anywhere in our town. I have a good nap and fill the gap. I can recharge with ease. It is a breeze. You humans though, I just don't know.

Recharging you say,
Come what may.
Too much strife.
Need to recharge life.

Where does the plug go?
Do I want to know?
Do you keep it in your pocket,
Shoving it in the nearest socket?

Maybe new batteries are needed.
Energizer can be deeded.
Then you can beat the drum all day.
Who needs to slave away for pay?

Nope, you don't do that.
As seen by the cat.
Instead you run.
How is that fun?

Maybe you drink.
That helpful you think?
Smoke a little grass?
Talk to the singing bass?

Sleep the whole day?
Take in a play?
Go play in the street?
That might not end so neat.

Go for a drive?
Lucky to get out a live.
With the nuts on the road,
Could go into road rage mode.

Write a book?
Go stop a crook?
Give someone a look?
Some flings at your nook?

My, what you do.
So many things in view.
But hey, some have perks.
And whatever works.

The cat has chewed armpit hair.
So who am I to judge at my lair.
Recharge like the bunny,
And who cares if you look funny.

How do you recharge at your sea? Curl up like me? Hopefully you don't chew armpit hair. That would be nasty at every human lair. The cat will now go roll in the grass and shake his recharged little rhyming ass.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Well it may be the season for Christmas cheer, nuts are still far and near. I had to login on my phone one day and a nut watched me typing away.

How do you remember that?
It is sure a long one.
Is it an easy stat?
Something familiar you spun?

Like I'd tell you.
Now go far away.
Stop lurking in my view,
Or I'll bury you in the litter tray.

But that was long,
I saw you typing.
Your memory must be strong,
Unless you were Skyping.

I remember easy as can be,
Now shoo the hell away from me.
I'll give you a flea on your knee,
Or leave you stuck in a tree.

Do you use the same for all?
Different ones can be rough.
Helpdesk I'd have to call,
Unless I use the same for all my stuff.

Yeah, use the same,
Get hacked with ease.
That's a fine game.
Now go away, please.

You don't use the same?
Are they all that long?
They must all be tame.
They can't be very strong.

If they are as hard as your head,
I'll be fine and dandy.
You sure cause dread,
Worse than a kid hopped up on candy.

I just have to know,
Is there some trick?
Do you use numbers in a row?
You remember some slick.

Wish I could forget you.
Look, my time is up.
I'll go and let you stew,
Like an antsy, trapped pup.

Yep, as I was sitting there logging in, some nut thought my password was quite the spin. They didn't see, but they saw me type with glee. Not sure if they were really that dumb or just trying to talk out their bum. Maybe try and get me to reveal one? Pffft like that would ever be done. She was one annoying lass. Almost as bad as Flappy to my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

The cat has seen it again, then he always does at our den, humans have more sayings that I have grains of litter. Thinking of that might make your taste buds bitter. Why? I don't know. Now on with the show.

Out for a drive,
Got out alive.
All well and good,
There in your hood.

But maybe not so,
As you let loose a flow.
You're being drove mad.
Hmm, fun times being had?

I'm driving you mad,
Here at my pad,
Without even driving.
Damn, more deadly than sky diving.

Especially since there is more,
A driving nowhere encore.
I drove you into the ground.
If it's in the woods does it make a sound?

Have I driven you batty?
Might get a little ratty.
Start chewing the walls,
Or scrambling down halls.

Drive you bonkers, crazy or nuts.
Same as mad at many huts.
But so many ways to say it,
Without driving one bit.

Can even drive you up the wall.
Now that takes talent at my hall.
A car that drives up.
That would even impress a pup.

I drive you to drink.
The bar or the sink?
The bar I'd at least drive.
Either way you may not get out alive.

Drive you out of your mind.
I'm such a nasty rhyming behind.
I made your head as empty as can be.
At least it's too empty to sue me.

And with my final act,
I'll make you a pact.
I won't drive the price up here.
Of that, you can have no fear.

Have I driven you up the wall? Hmm, that would be down I suppose if you read it all. Can you drive someone down a wall? Either way, driving can have a ball. You can sit on the couch and still drive. My, how do you humans survive? The cat will drive this one home with class. I'm such a driven little rhyming ass.

Got your so on? Don't ho ho ho from dusk to dawn. You may lose your voice. In that you won't rejoice. So you go so, pffft and whoopdi friggin doo. The cat has sure given a lot to you. That is your gift, hope your spirits lift. Say all three to any nut with sass. They all work for my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The stores want you to buy buy buy as they go after every girl and guy, but the stores aren't the only ones. Holidays also give the spammers the runs. At least mouth wise. Not sure, and don't want to know, if they need an Imodium prize.

King Abubu still wants me.
He wants to share at my sea.
Doesn't matter the day,
He'll give his fortune away.

But there are more,
At each and every shore.
They want you to buy,
Letting your credit card bill go sky high.

Your loved one needs this.
It will cause such bliss.
We are sure of that.
Get this for your cat.

Get that for your dog.
Don't forget your pet frog.
They need that and this.
It will give them pure bliss.

Better to be overwhelmed then whelmed at your sea.
Just come here and listen to me.
I'll show you the way.
Buy this and that today.

That and this or this and that?
Either way is where it's at.
Just plop down your wallet,
Each time we call it.

Santa may be jolly,
But he can't impress with this holly.
Get yours today.
Listen to what we say.

No, we don't get a kickback.
This is all for your shack.
We are here for you,
And your loved ones too.

Not to mention your kids,
Get in on the bids.
What? You don't have one?
Maybe one day you'll go up from none.

So buy it now.
Your future kids will wow.
Don't make them wait until they are born.
You need this magic horn.

Borrow from King Abubu if you must.
He is a good man to trust.
Then pay for it all.
Everyone in your home will have a ball.

Spammers are sure out in force. They want to sell to you without recourse. Thinking they have the perfect thing to make all sing. Of course they get a kickback for each thing they sell. But it is for you, so what the hell. Pffft at least King Abubu stays the same no matter how lame. Spammers, holiday ones or not, can go be buried in the grass and kiss my little rhyming ass.

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About Me

Orlin the cat is the rhyming king, all kinds of entertainment and fun I bring. Pat sometimes gets a vote when he has something to say of note. But it is mostly the cat here at our mat. Pat is owned by my myself and Cassie, who is rather sassie. The two cats and Pat reside somewhere in Nova Scotia and "eh" isn't part of our chat. So here at Bush #5, you can balk, poke fun and just enjoy my hive. If you can't then find some sand from any land, pick it up off the ground and proceed to pound. See what fun I can be? So enjoy my sea where the absence of a plot is a plot and now that is all out of me.