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Tag Archive | Jeremiah

In order to meet my 2012 goals, (read here for those!), I’ve decided to join Megan and Ashley over at 3 in 30 Challenge! Simple concept, really and I love simple! You pick 3 things to accomplish in 30 days. Just three. See. Simple. Then they’ve invited others to blog about their success and progress!

We can also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance,

and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope.

Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out

within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

This pregnancy has been a practice of faith and trust in God, from the very beginning. It continues to be so now. Lemme tell you why…

My blood pressure has started to do wonky things, like being higher than we’d like. It’s no longer a cuff issue, as at home we get the same numbers the Dr. office and hospital have been getting. So now, all MY plans are tossed out and I’m on my knees in prayer to keep Jeremiah in until 36-37wks. I pray for His peace every day, many times a day. I KNOW He has a perfect plan. I’ve been praying to know that plan, and submit my heart and mind to it. The last place I want to be is outside the plan. He has been faithful to us up til now, He will continue to do so.

So now, our thoughts are on being prepared every week for it to be THE week we meet Jeremiah. It’s a practice in faith, trust and peace. We have thought about the outcome, talked about how we’d handle the details, all the while pouring out our fears and hopes at His feet, and receiving grace and peace in return.

We have also been dealing with the emotional fallout of this birth being similar to Michaels. All the fears of the unknown, yet known are present. No way around them, but to again lay them at His feet, over and over again until they stay there.

Many thoughts come back to me, in this time. Who am I that I might have special treatment? Who are we to expect a pain free, fear free life while here? What have I done, that is special enough to grant me ease all the days of my life?

Nothing.

Not one thing.

Yet…

I have hope. I’m reminded again and again that I have hope. I have a God who is much bigger, and much more than I can imagine. I trusted Him in those days after Michael. I can trust Him with Jeremiah now. Jeremiah is, after all, His child first. I’m just borrowing him for a time.

Nights are the hardest for me, it’s when my fears are unleashed and try to rob me of my precious little sleep. Last night, I poured out my fears to God, and suddenly felt so much peace and hope. I immediately feel asleep. While I’m not 100% rested this morning, I still feel the presence of God, the peace and hope He gave me.

With all my heart, I rejoice today, for the hope and peace I have in Christ. No matter the outcome, I will continue to rejoice in His mercy and love.

I have gestational diabetes, but am managing it well! Jeremiah is measuring right on with my dates, and is still the active little martial artist. He is head down most of the time, so I get to enjoy the pressure ‘down there’ and the kicks up high. I’ve lost some weight, which was the plan, since the fear of big babies seems to make the medical world all twitchy and such. My blood pressure also remains in great shape, thank God.

Now for the part that I’ll try not to be too feisty about.

My experiences with the current practice haven’t been the rosiest, to say the least. Lots of miscommunications and wrong diagnosis’ have made me feel a bit combative with each visit. Because of my previous history of pre-eclampsia and being over weight and having gestational diabetes, seems to make some jump to conclusions faster than they should be. I’m afraid I’ve failed at the whole, being calm part of being pregnant. Unfortunately my first instincts are to see red and go in fighting, imagine that. 😉 But yesterday I practiced being calmer, and nicer (at least in my head). God IS in control , as He always has been. Sometimes I just forget that, and like the pitbull I am, keep pushing.

Just have to take it one day at a time, and do my best everyday, while praying that God allows us to go full term and remain healthy. God’s plan is good, no matter what it turns out to be.

The two words most people don’t want to hear, especially when it involves them. Like, ever. Yet, I’m on bed rest now, until baby J makes his appearance. Which will hopefully, God willing, NOT be until November sometime.

Why, you might ask, do I get to enjoy bed rest? Is it my health? Or the babies health?

Yes and no. I have no reason to be on bed rest, but am on it as a precaution. I’m trying to look at this with my humor, determination, and stubbornness. Its for my health, and Jeremiah’s health, that I do this, and do it well. No cutting corners, nothing like that. I’m also praying that I don’t become intolerable to those around me, and they have been told they have permission to whack me, or something like that, if I DO become a brat.

It’s a good thing that I have a few hobbies which are conducive to bed rest. I’ve been meaning to read a few more books, and make a few more cards. 🙂 Write a few more blogs, more often. Get into my Bible more.

Today is day one of bed rest. It already tested my tongue. Husband had to pack for his Army trip to Utah, and then also pack me up to go stay with my Mom while he’s gone. That meant that some chores needed to be done, and the kitty cat loved on, and taken care of as well. It’s hard to have people do things, when you’re the one used to doing them. It really is. I’m the independent sort, no kidding right? So it just feels a bit more difficult to deal with at this point. But I keep reminding myself, to hangith thou in there baby…one day at a time, one minute at a time.

This will test me, and those around me, I’m sure. Not that I have a choice in the challenge, but dare I say…bring it on? God is with me, I have a good support group, and a great reason to stick to it.

Pray for all of us, that we might survive this lovely time of growth and adjustment!

Like this:

Yes, sadly it’s been quiet around here. I’ve been trying to stay off the computer, or at the very least, limit my distractions.

I’ve been enjoying learning some photo editing software, and taking pictures again. How is it so easy to forget the joy and passion I once held for photography?

I’ve also been trying to get the house in order, slowly, as well as keeping up on the normal day to day duties. Again, it’s hard to keep those up when you’re not, feeling it. Either because of being pregnant or just allowing myself to be distracted online.

Theres that pesky online business again…

Well…today I just had to shut down Facebook. Today is no special day, there isn’t anything in particular about it. BUT, I did just get sideswiped over the simplest thing. Knowing the his 2nd birthday is coming up, and seeing that all his mates are talking, being cute, causing trouble and some with illness I’d give anything to help heal…it just hit me that I’d give anything to be holding Michael, no matter how he was acting. Just one more sweet moment. One more heart stopping smile.

To be worrying over, can I love Jeremiah as much as I love Michael, worrying over sibling rivalry. Potty training before J comes…thoughts are endless. I’m missing out, and feel kinda left behind, as Michael mates get to these life markers and I don’t have any idea of what it’s like.

:::Insert pity party, of one, here:::

I turn on fun, funky music to try to get my mind off of the pain, and grief. But you can’t really will it away. Not completely.

How wrong is it of me to feel that I wish this year was easier to face? How selfish am I, that I would like at least one full year of no loss…no reason to grieve. Just…happiness. Joy. Excitement. Being innocent again.

So here I am…writing my feelings out. The best therapy I know of for myself. To turn music on, close my eyes and type. Letting the tears flow, the angry words be spoken, the heart to break just a little again.

To somehow face the day again with a smile and His joy in my heart at the end of it.

Lord, I really don’t know how I can do this, year in and year out. But I am…I have no choice, but to keep walking. Keep living by faith. Keep seeing the best, the good and the honesty of life. No being afraid to face it…

It’s not just my son I’m missing…it’s my Dad too. Ah, the tears flow anew again. Oh how I miss my Daddy, my heart breaks again with his loss. I miss his hugs…those hugs that made you feel like everything would be okay. Nothing could get to me. I was protected.

Grief will not get the best of me, although I’ll indulge it when it comes. Grief helps heal, even when it hurts terribly.