Haylor Exits A Tattoo Parlor Together, Vomit Exits My Mouth

Stop toying with the media, Harry Styles and Taylor Swift! Are you dating or aren’t you? Are you or are you not featured in any of her songs? Did you or did you not get matching tattoos? You can answer however you like, but either way, I will hit something.Taylor and her rumored boyfriend Harry, aka Haylor Swyles are still trying to convince us that their relationship isn’t fake, this time by allowing themselves to be photographed exiting a tattoo parlor together. Interesting move, Haylor, very interesting. You may not have succeeded in talking me into the legitimacy of your relationship, but you are making me vom a little, so congratulations.

This all took place yesterday at The Shamrock, a tattoo parlor in Los Angeles, but somehow there’s already speculation as to what Harry got. If you believe the internet, He got another tattoo on his arm — of a “large ship”.

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Um. Okay but what? Why? And just like a regular ship? Or a specific ship? The Titanic? A yacht? A sloop? A tugboat? A garbage barge? And if Taylor got a matching one, what would it be? A canoe or a kayak? I feel like that’s fitting, since she’s more folksy and down-home country. Maybe a nice steamboat for a slow cruise down the Mississippi.

Here’s my thing, though. If she did indeed get a tattoo with Harry, whom she hasn’t even openly admitted to dating yet, then she is escalating mad fast, yo. She used to only write songs for boys, and then with Connor Kennedy she bought a house with him after a matter of months. And what’s bigger than a house? A permanent mark on your body to symbolize your sweet and fleeting love to a known womanizer! What could be more romantic? If we don’t keep an eye on her, she’s going to try to physically inhabit the next one, like a great blond barnacle. Mark my words.