There’s a spider in the bath. I spotted him this morning: and he spotted me. ‘Mate’, says I. ‘This is the Tub of Doom. No sense pretending to be a hair. Bigger spiders than you have tried and failed to escape’. He looks at me with disdain. Doesn’t even blink, (in part, because he has no eyelids, but only part). ‘Fine’ says I, ‘your funeral’. Two hours later. He’s still there, huffing and puffing round the plughole. Little bit sweatier I …Read More

So far today I’ve: been to the loo. (once, when I didn’t even need to go) peeled the stickers off three bananas plucked half an eyebrow stared at my computer made a face from the banana stickers then drawn a spaceship underneath googled ‘dogs that look like mops’ balanced a spoon on my nose hassled the cat stared at my computer cleared out the hole punch tried to roll my tongue deleted old contacts from my phone imagined how much …Read More

What’s your favourite film? Now, don’t palm me off with a three-star popcorn-meh. I want The One. Five stars, standing ovation, brain blowing, boat rocking, fire lighting celluloid gold. For me, it’s ‘A la recherche du temps perdu”. Minimalist dialogue, stunning cinematography and all the Proustian subtleties we’ve come to love. I’m lying of course. Actually it was ‘Dirty Dancing’. I make no apologies. If you have a pulse, you will love it. (Possibly). Too complex for me to do justice, but …Read More

A question from J, after yesterday’s post. ‘What happens when that’s still not enough, when no matter how much you believe it should be and it is, Jesus, God, Christian faith, Christian hope hasn’t yet been the solution? It’s the text book answer, the right answer, but it isn’t answering it this time. It’s the answer I would give to anyone else, the solution I would offer and advise, but it’s not cutting the cake for me. When you’ve tried …Read More

Here’s something you might not know. No matter what problem you’re facing: divorce, bereavement, addiction, depression… there’s a simple five step programme to fix it. Whatever you want to be Thin/Happy/Holy/Married/Beautiful/Rich/Purple There’s a guru out there with a plan. A strategy to implement. Something YOU can do to make things better. And all for just £9.99, (with free steak knives for the first 50 subscribers). I wouldn’t fall for it, of course. The very idea! Ridiculous. So we’ll take a completely random example: …Read More

Later this year I’m running a seminar for young people on ‘Managing Stress.’ Take out ‘Managing’ and I’m perfectly qualified. Here’s what I got: When stressed, I make myself a head cave and fill it with hugs. It looks a bit like this: except I’m not a man and I’m not wearing some sort of stretchy top that doesn’t have holes for arms, (look closely -he seems to be wearing a jumper but there’s actually no sleeves). Another strategy …Read More

If your friend is undergoing fertility treatment, here are some sentences you might want to rethink. 1. ‘Which of you has the problem?’ (in terms of ’causes’ there’s a 50/50 split between male and female infertility – and in any case, it’s a joint struggle) 2. ‘What exactly is wrong?’ 3. ‘You can always adopt’. (A wonderful option, but actually, you can’t always adopt, as for many reasons it’s not that straightforward. And if you’re undergoing IVF you’re not allowed to …Read More

Does evangelical spirituality help or hinder those who are depressed? Glen asked this question a few days ago and got some great responses. Here’s one from Paul: Evangelical culture so often puts a deep emphasis on internal ‘states’ rather than simple life practice and structure. When the emphasis is all on what is happening inside me – emotionally and psychologically – then it tends to be too demanding or uncontrollable. One of the core reasons that depression so easily attaches …Read More

Who do we look to, to tell us who we are? Our children? (‘You’re an amazing mum!’) Our work? (‘World’s Best Teacher’. ‘Great job on the Presentation.’ ‘Nice ironing.’) Our appearance? (‘All’s right with the world because I Have Great Hair’) Friends? (‘I don’t know who I am, but I know You’re Great’) Family? (‘I’m the eldest so I’m responsible’) Partners? (From ‘I do’ to ‘You’ll Do’) Old Hurts? (‘I was always the stupid one: I’ll never be a …Read More