Why is he “Driven” and You’re a Bitch?

Being assertive can make a man “top dog,” yet that same trait often lands women in the doghouse. Instead of whining about it, try growling!

By Jayne Keedle/Women@Work

If you’re looking for inspirational quotes, comedian Rosanne Barr probably isn’t your first choice. Let’s face it, the woman doesn’t have the nicest reputation — and yet, when you think about it, isn’t that what makes her great?

Barr didn’t just embrace her inner bitch — she claimed the B-word as her birthright. It was the shtick in her stand-up and the basis for “Rosanne,” a groundbreaking sitcom that defied every TV-mom stereotype since “Leave it to Beaver.”

As little girls, most of us were raised to be “nice,” encouraged to be “good,” and praised for playing well with others. We all want to be liked and, we’re taught, no one likes a girl who’s bossy or boastful or, worst of all, a bitch.

Then we grow up and enter the workforce and suddenly the playing field changes. We’re doing what’s expected of us but instead of being rewarded, we’re being outstripped by our male counterparts in both promotions and pay because we’re not assertive enough.

“The workplace is mostly geared to a male style of behavior of achieving and ambition, and women have to break into that,” says business consultant Dr. Michele Paludi, a professor of psychology and women’s studies at Union Graduate College in Schenectady and author of numerous books on women in the workplace and sexual discrimination.

“If they act traditionally female, they’re going to be criticized for not being confident,” says Paludi. “But the comments are even more severe if people think they’re engaging in behaviors that are inappropriate for their sex. They’ll use (terms like) ‘witch’ or ‘bitch,’ and this is a way to put them in their place. It denies their ability, denies their effort, and denigrates them. It’s a brand that keeps women down in the workplace.”

Successful women have long recognized the label for what it is — an attempt to keep women who dare to speak their mind in line. Instead of bowing to the double-standard that punishes women for displaying the same qualities that are so often admired in men, some can just shrug off the insults. “I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want,” said Madonna. “If that makes me a bitch, OK.”

Of course, when you’re running your own empire, as Madonna does, it’s a lot easier to dismiss the critics. Not everyone can strap on a chainmail bustier and rally to battle against gender stereotypes with a cry of “I Am a Material Girl!” and have the same confidence that they’ll win the war. Indeed, the boardroom battlefield is littered with casualties.

Discrimination is Illegal — But That Hasn’t Stopped It

Most people know that it’s illegal to discriminate based on gender but, as the landmark case Price Waterhouse v. Hopkins so ably demonstrated, that doesn’t simply mean companies have to hire more women. The law also applies to gender bias based on stereotypes that can seriously affect a woman’s chances for promotion.

Ann Hopkins worked for Price Waterhouse for five years when, in 1982, she was nominated for partnership after playing a key role in landing a $25 million contract with the U.S. Department of State. At the time, the accounting firm had 662 partners, only seven of whom were women, and Hopkins was the only woman out of 88 people nominated for partnership that year.

Hopkins’ efforts were described as “outstanding,” but her partnership was put on hold because her perceived aggressiveness rubbed fellow employees the wrong way. One partner described her as “macho.” Another suggested she take “a course at charm school.” Yet another suggested her chances for partnership might improve if she learned to “walk more femininely, talk more femininely, dress more femininely, wear makeup, have her hair styled, and wear jewelry.”

The U.S. Supreme Court, which heard her appeal when she sued under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, agreed she had a case for discrimination. “Even if we knew that Hopkins had ‘personality problems,’ this would not tell us that the partners who cast their evaluations of Hopkins in sex-based terms would have criticized her as sharply (or criticized her at all) if she had been a man,” the decision read. “We sit not to determine whether Ms. Hopkins is nice, but to decide whether the partners reacted negatively to her personality because she is a woman.”

Ultimately, the court said, “In the specific context of sex stereotyping, an employer who acts on the basis of a belief that a woman cannot be aggressive, or that she must not be, has acted on the basis of gender.”

It would be nice to think that, since that case, most businesses have wised up. Yet, the Supreme Court is still hearing cases of discrimination rooted in gender stereotypes. Not long ago, female employees won a gender-bias lawsuit against AT&T, which was brought because women weren’t being promoted to middle-management positions. Although women did just as well as men on objective tests, they failed the so-called “total person” test, which was scored subjectively and mostly by men who perceived the women as coming up short.

“That’s where I see organizations not doing the work,” says Paludi. “You can boast about having hired more women but are they also going out the door because of the way they are treated? Women shouldn’t be the people who always have to change. That’s where the organization has to change, to train managers to avoid making stereotypical judgments, to have a policy where performance appraisals are using objective, not subjective, criteria.”

Finding Comfort Between a Rock and a Hard Place

As more women enter the workforce and climb the corporate ladder, they are beginning to change the definition of leadership. But though change may be coming, it’s not happening fast. Since 1995, the nonprofit research organization Catalyst Inc. has conducted an annual survey of women in the workplace and tracked the progress of women in Fortune 500 companies.

Catalyst reports that though women represent 46 to 49 percent of the overall workforce in the United States and hold half of the managerial and professional positions, the percentage of women represented in top leadership has been stuck at about 15 percent since 2004. That’s an improvement from the 9 percent in 1995 but it’s not a big leap.

So what’s the holdup? Catalyst’s research shows that to be successful, women have had to adopt work styles that men were comfortable with — and that can put women in a double-bind. To succeed in what, for many, remains a male-dominated work environment, women are encouraged to model male-leadership styles, from the business suits they wear to the firm tone they take in the meeting. To do otherwise is to risk being perceived as weak or indecisive. Yet when women display the same assertive traits that make men the “top dog,” they’re viewed as being too aggressive — or, to continue the dog metaphor, a bitch.

“Gender bias begins as early as elementary school. It occurs because of people’s personal values and perceptions in terms of traditional views of women,” says Paludi. “Men don’t have to deal with that and how to negotiate that is the problem that many women face in the workplace. They’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t.”

So what is a woman to do? “Do what your values and your ethics suggest,” Paludi says. And, at the end of the day, she adds, “be happy with yourself.”

Men vs. Women

Since its founding in 1962, Catalyst Inc. researched and promoted the progress of women in the workplace. Here are some of the findings of its “2011 Catalyst Census: Fortune 500 Women Board Directors, Executive Officers and Top Earners” that show in which ways men reap the benefits of certain career-advancement strategies that women do not.

Men have a head-start: Women MBAs start at lower positions and salaries and don’t catch up to their male colleagues, which disadvantages them and their employers. Catalyst research also shows that women don’t receive the sponsorship of highly influential individuals, which the organization says previous research indicates is critical for advancement.

The “think-leader-think-male” default is still alive and well. Catalyst research has demonstrated that gender-based stereotyping is embedded (often unintentionally) in the very talent management systems designed to cultivate an organization’s best talent.

Persistent myths are still in play. Catalyst research shows that women do not prefer a slower track and that they do use career-advancement strategies similar to those employed by men, yet even when they negotiate for salaries, they don’t get the same payoff.