Polar

I am not an extrovert, but I couldn’t imagine myself working a job where dealing with people wasn’t part of the norm. In many ways, I need people. For a variety of reasons. Yet by the time I’m off work, driving home, and settling in to another night alone, I wish for nothing to infringe on my precious solitude.

In 2011-2012 I lived with my best friend, back when I was doing entry-level accounting and making $12 an hour. Rent for that apartment wasn’t bad at all, like $450 apiece, so it’s natural why Trey and I spent such a bulk of our free time gambling at the casino. It isn’t like we had that kind of money; we just didn’t have many reasonable places to spend it.

It’s only now that I realize Trey is the only person, at least as long as I’m unmarried, that I’m capable of living with. In spite of our vast differences on the surface, he is the person I least have to alter my lifestyle for. He knows I’m into sports and politics, and I know he’s into cars and Snapchat. Other than that, we agree on most of the big issues, and we share a love for money and gambling. It’s as simple as that.

Otherwise, the thought of permanently living with someone is how I feel about carpooling: I just hate having to rely on anybody, ever. And to a large degree I would rather others not have to rely on me. Not unless I, you know, give a shit about that person and know that said person gives said shit about me, too.

I was thrilled to get my driver’s license when I was 16, because I felt what true independence was for the very first time. All of a sudden the world got smaller, and there was power in that.

When I was 18 I flew across the country to dorm at Virginia Tech, and the same type of feeling was there. At times I’ve really believed anything is possible.

But recently is the first I’ve truly been on my own. Yeah I can drive and yeah I can go from coast to coast, but I’ve always had people on the other end of my destination. It’s always been a two-way street.

That’s different now. I go to work and deal craps, and I’m flooded by a constant two-front war among customers and coworkers.