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February 8, 2013

Am I The Only Girl Who Doesn’t Want To Get Married?

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I’m pushing 30 very soon, and when I look at a cross section of my friends I find that I’m the only one who1. is either not married or 2. not really desperate to get married. In actuality I feel like I don’t want to get married. Not because I hate men or I’m a lesbian or anything like that, I just don’t see why. Now before anyone starts analyzing me, No my parents are not divorced, I’ve not been abused in a past relationship, and I’ve not been cheated on (that I know of anyways). Simply put, there’s nothing I hold against men. Thanks.

In 2013, there are a lot of alternatives to getting married for a woman. I don’t need a man for money, I have a pretty good job. I don’t need security, I have ADT for that, and if I need/want children there’s the sperm bank and/or a sperm donor somewhere probably ready to give me the goods, so why really should I want to get married? Why can I just have boyfriends and friends that I hang out with from time to time, and still keep my indivuality and most importantly, my space.

My space is probably one of the biggest factors why when I really sit down and think about it, I’m not sure I want to cook myself up with a man and be married for decades or until death. I’m barely pushing 30 and the thought of being with one person for the rest of my sixty-something years on earth is actually scary.

My Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends have all called me all sorts of crazy, and ‘too independent’ but I really don’t give a sh*t really. I’m not going to be making someone else happy at my expense, and being all politically correct and acting like everything is golden.

From what I’ve noticed when it comes to marriage, 70% of men never want to get married and 70% of women can’t think of anything besides a wedding, so there’s already a big disconnect. I talked to my cousin just before she got married and not once did she mention how life was going to be after the wedding is done. Nothing about where to live, how the money will be made and bills paid, rules of the house, dealing with other famly members, future of the children etc. It was all this person is performing at the wedding, and my intro music is xyz, and all those random things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of a marriage. Unfortunately, this is the case with a good number of women in today’s world. Blame it on tv and the wedding business.

Seeing as me I kukuma no send wedding tings, and I tend to look at things from a realistic stand point, let me not deceive myself and say I want to share room with someone for the rest of my life. Or that it’s one one person I’ll be knacking till I’m 90 years old, and someone will come and be asking me which money I made and sharing bills and the likes. Or someone’s mother coming to stay in the house for 6 months and I have to suck it up and say ‘Yes Ma’ to everything she says. Tufiakwa! I’m sorry I no fit. Are there happy things about marriage, and happily married people? Yes. Absolutely. But I feel like in 2013, those things can come without a marriage institution holding me down. After all, I might be feeling secure in my marrriage, and divorce will just come knocking one day, then what was the point.

I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic but as a realist these are the things I see as serious possibilities in marriages, and the ones that I’ve decided that I don’t want to deal with.

I talk to all my friends about my views and I swear they make me feel like I should go see a shrink. “No girl your age should feel like she doesn’t want to get married.” The heck is that even supposed to mean? Why can’t I just think the that way? Must I think like every other girl in the world? Is there a rule that says “Women must want to get married”?

With the way people make me feel, I feel like I’m the only girl who doesn’t want to get married. Or that I’m crazy to feel the way I feel.