With a little creativity, some communication, and an open mind, you can give your sex life a much-earned upgrade.

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The
idea that your sex drive goes AWOL in old age is one big myth: In truth, sex can get even more exciting
and stimulating with age. How? You can kiss some of the stresses of your
younger years goodbye and focus on rediscovering the sizzle with your spouse.

While
age presents some people with sexual challenges (such as erectile
dysfunction or decreased libido), these five steps can help all
seniors intensify their love life.

Slow
things down a notch. It may take you and your partner a
little longer to become aroused than it used to. “Staying relaxed and having a
flexible attitude is a big help,” says Bob G. Knight, PhD, the Merle H. Bensinger professor of gerontology and
professor of psychology at the Andrus Gerontology Center at the University of
Southern California in Los Angeles, and director of the Tingstad Older Adult
Counseling Center.

Make
more time for intimacy and be prepared to approach sex differently. What once
turned you and your partner on may not have the same effect anymore. Take the
time to experiment your way to better sex.
“I think of this as a gift to women,” says Joan Price, author of Better
Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked
at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. “Men are finally
interested in foreplay.”

Just
spending time touching is a great warm-up for senior sex. Price, 67, began
writing about senior sex 10 years ago when she fell in love with a man and, as
she describes it, “had great, exhilarating, spicy sex, but it wasn’t like in
our twenties, not at all.” She then realized that the overwhelming cultural
belief was that senior sex would be dull and painful at best. It’s neither of
those, she says, but it is different, in large part because of the
physiological changes that come with aging.

Chat
about your body’s changes. Whether you need to open up about your
changing needs to a lifelong partner or get to know a new one, communication is
key. “Talking before, during, and after can lead to more enjoyable experiences
and avoid misunderstanding and anxiety,” says Knight. For particularly
difficult conversations, such as those related to taking medication for
erectile dysfunction or addressing a need to overcome low libido,
he advises picking a time when you feel close and relaxed, but not when sex is
imminent. Being honest about what’s going on and what you hope will be going on
— as difficult as speaking these words might be — is the
best approach, he says.

Experiment
with new positions and toys. Spicy solutions to senior sex problems
are guaranteed to be interesting topics of conversation. Just as you may need
more time to become aroused, you might also want to try something new. Using sex toys (such as
vibrators) and practical aids, such as lubricants, can up the wow factor.

If you
find that sex aids top the list of difficult things to talk about, keep this in
mind: “If we have slow arousal and arthritic wrists, why not just turn on a tool
that does the job really well because that’s what it’s designed for? If we need
a little assist, that’s okay,” says Jones. Other new moves may be as simple as
a change of position or the addition of some pillows to support achy bones.

Explore
on your own. Don’t have a partner? Masturbation
has been shown to improve both physical and emotional health, so don’t let
being alone keep you from getting pleasure. “When suitable partners are not
available, self-stimulation can be useful and healthy,” says Knight. Take time
to discover what pleases you, and be creative — it may even lead to
better sex with your partner as you learn about what works best for you. This
may also be a good way to try out sex toys before you bring them up in
conversation.

Stay
healthy.
Your body may be changing, but you can improve how it works and feels by making
healthy diet and exercise choices. These choices, in turn, can lead to better
sex by maintaining muscle strength and aerobic capacity.

One
important element of staying healthy? Practice safe sex. Even though you don’t
have to worry about unwanted pregnancy, age does not protect men or women from sexually
transmitted diseases. Plan on using condoms for sexual
intercourse if you and your partner are not in a long-term, monogamous
relationship.

With
the right attitude and an open mind, sex in your senior years can be exhilarating
and spicy indeed.

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