IFC
From the first time we saw the trailer for Will Ferrell's new IFC show The Spoils of Babylon, we knew that things were about to get weird. A spoof of the epic period dramas we've all come to know and love, the series stars Tobey Maguire, Kristin Wiig, and Haley Joel Osment. The first of six episodes premiered on January 9, and ICYMI here are a few more clips from the show. Be warned -- you are not prepared for the weirdness therein:
Tobey &amp; Kristen Get Weird:
Here's hoping we see lots of Tim Robbins, because seriously. How awesome does he look in this?
Epic Theme Song &amp; Opening Sequence
I'm not sure, but I feel like those trees and cars were kinda fake.
Squirrel Stew And Oil
If you didn't laugh over that "extrapolate" line, then this may not be the show for you. If you did laugh, then tune into the IFC for more of this unbelievably strange series. Call us cray, but that squirrel stew is reason enough to keep us interested.
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Revlon
Lest we forget that Emma Stone is kind of a huge deal, let's check out this fabulous new behind-the-scenes video of the actress at her latest Revlon shoot. Emma has been the face of the brand for some time now, and stars in a new commercial for the Revlon Color Burst collection.
Revlon
John Cameron Mitchell directed the shoot, and you'll have to excuse us while we get excited about all of these balloons:
REVLON ColorBurst Lip Crayon Collection TV Commercial with Emma Stone from REDEYE MEDIA on Vimeo.
You have to love a commercial inspired by the French film The Red Balloon. Such a good time!
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FOX
Sleepy Hollow returned with a [demonic] bang last night, and "The Vessel" was definitely one of the creepiest episodes to date for the new series. But as is often the case, the show started out with a bit of humor. We're pretty sure there isn't anything funnier than seeing Tom Mison as Ichabod Crane in a pair of ultra low-rise, skinny jeans. It happened, and it was awesome. Poor Crane: Abbie was trying to push all of these preppy, Gap clothes on him throughout the whole episode, and when that didn't work she tried to firmly but gently get him to take that one outfit he's been wearing this whole time to the dry cleaners. That will totally happen as soon as Ichabod figures out what a dry cleaners is.
"The Vessel" brought us closer to Captain Frank Irving's family. We've met his wife and daughter in the past and sensed plenty of tension therein, much of which permeated the episode (luckily, there's nothing like a little light-to-heavy demonic possession to bring you and your loved ones closer). In the last episode we saw Irving dealing with some serious loss of religious faith, which partly stemmed from the accident that left his daughter Macey (who will forever be Rue from The Hunger Games to some of us) paralyzed. And just as he begins to further question his faith with all the strange and violent going-ons in Sleepy Hollow, he needs to call on his pastor for protection from a demon named Ancitif that moves from body-to-body through physical contact. It was all very Fallen (you know, that 1998 Denzel Washington movie). You half expected to hear that creepy "Time Is On My Side" song.
While Irving moved his family to what he thought was a safe house, Abbie and Ichabod delved into research and found out that Abbie's sister Jenny (who was sorely missed in the last episode) was on some old tapes the late officer Corbin had made, in which she was all glossy-eyed and demon-possessed. In one especially terrifying clip she foretells of Corbin's death at the hands of the Horseman and predicts Abbie's death too. After seeing this footage Jenny confesses to Ichabod that she purposefully got herself arrested numerous times when they were younger, just to keep herself from hurting Abbie when she was under possession. An intentional juvenile delinquent? Now that's love, folks.
The Crane/Mills team figures out that an old French lantern can be used to exorcise the demon and they go after it. Meanwhile, the demon -- now in possession of one of Irving's officers (naturally, the one who was protecting Macey) -- demands that Irving bring him George Washington's Bible, which had been buried with Crane. Once the demon takes hold of Macey (what a horrific scene: Macey with her face deformed, hair standing on end, floating in the sky, attacking her parents and the pastor in a very The Exorcist-esque moment) Ichabod, Abbie, and Jenny have very limited time to get the French lantern from this intense, rifle-toting group of people (Jenny used to train with them, of course) before the demon either kills Macey or gets its hands on that Bible.
When they meet up with Irving, his wife, and a barely recognizable Macey they find that a little salt and a French lantern go a long way. The exorcism scene was especially powerful, as Jenny had to face the demon who used to take hold of her, but for the first time had her sister by her side. The Mills sisters are something fierce when they team up together, and part of the appeal of Sleepy Hollow is watching the unfolding of their new relationship as this awesome demon-fighting duo.
At the episode's close, Ichabod uses a homemade invisible ink to uncover any secret message in Washington's Bible. Written in Washington's handwriting is a date that holds great significance. The first President of the United States had written in his own Bible ... four days after his death. We'll have to wait for the two-hour season finale to find out what in the world that means.
A Few Questions To Ponder Until Next Week:
Are Irving and his wife going to reignite some kind of post-daughter's exorcism flame? And if so, what does that mean for Irving and Jenny?! Because they have been totally cute together!
Will Ichabod discover the glory of dry-cleaning and do something with those funky threads?
And, seriously. What is going on with the storyline concerning baby Crane? Will Ichabod find out more details about his son or what?
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Summit via Everett Collection
You can imagine that Renny Harlin, director and one quadrant of the writing team for The Legend of Hercules, began his pitch as such: We'll start with a war, because lots of these things start with wars. It feels like this was the principal maxim behind a good deal of the creative choices in this latest update of the Ancient Greek myth. There are always horse riding scenes. There are generally arena battles. There are CGI lions, when you can afford 'em. Oh, and you've got to have a romantic couple canoodling at the base of a waterfall. Weaving them all together cohesively would be a waste of time — just let the common threads take form in a remarkably shouldered Kellan Lutz and action sequences that transubstantiate abjectly to and fro slow-motion.
But pervading through Lutz's shirtless smirks and accent continuity that calls envy from Johnny Depp's Alice in Wonderland performance is the obtrusive lack of thought that went into this picture. A proverbial grab bag of "the basics" of the classic epic genre, The Legend of Hercules boasts familiarity over originality. So much so that the filmmakers didn't stop at Hercules mythology... they barely started with it, in fact. There's more Jesus Christ in the character than there is the Ancient Greek demigod, with no lack of Gladiator to keep things moreover relevant. But even more outrageous than the void of imagination in the construct of Hercules' world is its script — a piece so comically dim, thin, and idiotic that you will laugh. So we can't exactly say this is a totally joyless time at the movies.
Summit via Everett Collection
Surrounding Hercules, a character whose arc takes him from being a nice enough strong dude to a nice enough strong dude who kills people and finally owns up to his fate — "Okay, fine, yes, I guess I'm a god" — are a legion of characters whose makeup and motivations are instituted in their opening scenes and never change thereafter. His de facto stepdad, the teeth-baring King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins), despises the boy for being a living tribute to his supernatural cuckolding; his half-brother Iphicles (Liam Garrigan) is the archetypical scheming, neutered, jealous brother figure right down to the facial scar. The dialogue this family of mongoloids tosses around is stunningly brainless, ditto their character beats. Hercules can't understand how a mystical stranger knows his identity, even though he just moments ago exited a packed coliseum chanting his name. Iphicles defies villainy and menace when he threatens his betrothed Hebe (Gaia Weiss), long in love with Hercules, with the terrible fate of "accepting [him] and loving [their] children equally!" And the dad... jeez, that guy must really be proud of his teeth.
With no artistic feat successfully accomplished (or even braved, really) by this movie, we can at the very least call it inoffensive. There is nothing in The Legend of Hercules with which to take issue beyond its dismal intellect, and in a genre especially prone to regressive activity, this is a noteworthy triumph. But you might not have enough energy by the end to award The Legend of Hercules with this superlative. Either because you'll have laughed yourself into a coma at the film's idiocy, or because you'll have lost all strength trying to fend it off.
1/5
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Instagram
Are we really, actually surprised that Kanye West's daughter with fiancé Kim Kardashian is already wearing couture looks from high fashion designers? No. No, we are not. From the time it was announced that Kim was expecting, we've all been wondering about the cray-cray wardrobe that was probably already in the works for baby North West. And now that she's here, we haven't been disappointed, as Kim has been sharing photos of the lavish, fabulous gifts that have been sent to North from designers at Paris Fashion Week, and other designers who just love the Kimye baby to bits. So in case you have an extra $795.00 to spend on a dress for your first-grader (or just want to see what a $795.00 children's dress looks like) here are some of the designers baby North West is rocking right now.
Lanvin
Some folks came down hard on Kim for hanging out at Paris Fashion Week while baby Nori stayed home. But Mommy brought her back some pretty sweet threads from the good people at Lanvin, and showed the whole world what Lanvin kiddie wear looks like. Which is important.
Stella McCartney
You think your baby doesn't need Stella McCartney wear ... until you see these insanely adorable matching socks and mittens that go with the Stella McCartney sweater that little Nori got. So what if your utility bill is due?! The happiness you will experience seeing your baby in a Stella McCartney dinosaur onesie (retailing at about $185) will keep you warm at night.
Hermès
All snarkery aside, these Hermès baby booties are everything. Everything!
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Streeter Lecka/Getty
Look. We're not all into sports. While some of us are ESPN addicts, many of us don't care about sports at all ... except for when a football star marries one of our favorite actresses (hi Nnamdi). But, chances are, at some point or another youwill be exposed to the mysterious world of sports and it's nice to have a general idea of what the big stories are. There are also some folks in the world of sports who are just too awesome to ignore. So here are five of the best sports Twitter accounts for everyone, fans and non-fans alike.
Stephen A. Smith
Even if you don't watch sports, you must watch Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless on ESPN's highly-entertaining First Take. And as hilarious as Stephen is on the show, he's just as awesome on Twitter. Right now he's pissed because there are engagement rumors flying about. He's not engaged, everyone!
Skip Bayless
Well, if you follow Stephen you have to follow his better half. That's just good manners.
Onion Sports
If you love America's finest fake news source, then you'll love their fake sports news. A recent article claims that a "Home Crowd Disagrees With Ref's Call But Respects His Decision." A must-read sports piece if there ever was one.
Buzzfeed Sports
Grown men love Jordy Nelson. pic.twitter.com/uR1AcDH2It
— BuzzFeed Sports (@BuzzFeedSports) January 5, 2014
You know you love Buzzfeed, so chances are Buzzfeed Sports will have just as many epic photos to make you LOL while you're at work. You may not know who Jordy Nelson is, but look at that photo of all those dudes huggin' on him! Dontcha just love sports now?
Metta World Peace
If you have to follow one athlete, follow the guy who sends out about 20 tweets a day. Topics range from Tim Tebow to the Knicks, to whether or not it's acceptable to kiss your child on the mouth (he says it is).
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Phase 4 Films
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Iron Man 3, Man Of Steel -- 2013 was another big year for big movies. But it was also a great year for independent film as movies like Don Jon and Fruitvale Station received critical acclaim and much love from audiences everywhere. In one way or another, these were all great films, all deserving our attention. However, there are many smaller productions that didn't receive quite as much buzz, but still captured the hearts of many-a-moviegoer. In case you missed them, here are five indie films you definitely should have seen in 2013, but probably didn't.
Ain't Them Bodies Saints
If there ever was such a thing as a romantic crime drama, this would be it. A beautiful, searing, poetic Bonnie &amp; Clyde-esque tale starring Rooney Mara and Casey Affleck, direcor David Lowery's third feature film was easily one of the best films of the year.
The English Teacher
Julianne Moore, Greg Kinnear, Lily Collins, and Michael Angarano round out the fantastic cast in this one. The horrors of high school have been the basis for countless movies over the years, but in The English Teacher even the adults are like a bunch of horny adolescents. Oh, and the brilliant Nathan Lane plays the drama teacher you totally wish you'd had back in the day.
Newlyweeds
It's actually frustrating that this was not one of the more talked-about films of the year. Spike Lee called it "the #1 NYC movie of the year" and the bottom line is, Newlyweeds is absolute hilarious. We didn't know we were looking for a romantic stoner dramedy for the ages, but we're glad we got it.
Eden (or The Abduction of Eden)
An unfrogettable film based on the horrific true story of a teenaged girl who was kidnapped and sold into prostitution, Eden stars former MTV Real World star Jamie Chung. Chung proves herself to be a wholly capable actress with her performance alongside veterans like Beau Bridges and Tantoo Cardinal.
What Maisie Knew
Another great indie feature from Julianne Moore, the actress plays an aging rocker/neglectful mother, but the story is really shown through the expereinces of her daughter Maisie (played by Onata Aprile). Maisie becomes a pawn in the cruel games of her immature and irresponsible parents, but eventually finds familial love under some very strange circumstances. Oh, and then there's the Alexander Skarsgård aspect of it all.
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ABC
Look. We know you love Scandal. We know you kind of want to be Olivia Pope. And we get that your Christmas wish list consisted of mainly Scandal-related paraphernalia. But the ABC drama series, now in the midst of a pretty epic third season, is a dangerous show to get addicted to, especially if you've been taking any relationship cues from the main characters. We love these guys, but here are a few Scandal folks you probably, definitely, should not call if you need some healthy advice on love.
Abby Whelan
Abby (played by Darby Stanchfield) has put her boyfriend through the ringer so many times, it's sad. Poor David Rosen can't get a break, with Abby stealing Cytron cards from him, lying to him to cover for Olivia Pope &amp; Associates, and asking about a gazillion favors from him now that he's the U.S. Attorney for Washington D.C. Now that the two are open about their job descriptions, Abby and David are a much better couple. But Abby's a Gladiator first, which could prove detrimental to this relationship (again).
Cyrus Beene
Cyrus has done so many horrible, awful, grimey things to his husband James, it's difficult to know where to begin. There was that time he put a hit out on him. That time he got him a baby, just so James would stop working as a journalist and stop dipping into all of Cyrus's political dirt. But all of that paled in comparison to the stunt he pulled this season. If you were ever thinking of getting ahead of your political opponent, probably don't use your husband as sexual bait for that opponent's closeted gay husband. Bad idea.
Fitzgerald Grant
We love Fitz. But seriously. In three seasons we've watched him bounce back and forth between Olivia and his wife Mellie (okay, more Olivia than Mellie), plus there was that Amanda Tanner situation. We know he loves Olivia, but there was that one unforgivable, postcoital conversation they had in which he told Olivia, "I may not be able to control my erections around you, but that doesn’t mean I want you. We are done." Ouch. And no.
Olivia Pope
Olivia herself has openly admitted on the show that she is a hot mess when it comes to love. She's kind of a mistress, kind of not. She dated Senator Davis and pretty much led him on, refusing to tell him that she was totally still in love with the President. Then there was the Jake versus Fitz fiasco (actually, that may still be ongoing). Now don't get us wrong -- this all makes for great television. And this character has had some wonderful, empowering moments on the series. But we think it'll be a while before Olivia finds herself in a drama-free relationship.
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NBC/Getty
If you, like many folks, found yourself falling head over heels in love with the 2012 indie romance Celeste and Jesse Forever, then you're in for a treat. Rashida Jones starred in and co-wrote the script with Will McCormack, and now the two are teaming up again to produce a new series for HBO, titled Claws. Let's celebrate this news with a look back at Celeste and Jesse Forever, so we know just how excited to get:
Oh yeah, it's going to be a good time. Jones and McCormack just sold the series so we don't know much, but Claws is being described by Deadline Hollywood as "a midnight-dark workplace dramedy-noir about a nail salon in Florida and the strange, dangerous women who work there." That sounds ... amazing. Eliot Laurence from The Big Gay Sketch Show and Welcome To Me (an upcoming film starring Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell) will write and co-executive produce the series. And for those of you who'll be missing Jones as she exits the NBC show Parks and Recreation, there's always the chance that she'll appear as one of these characters in the show. A strange and dangerous nail technician? She could totally pull that off.
And -- just as a sidenote -- while we love watching Jones go behind the camera, it has to be acknowledged that she is so amazing in front of a lens. Seriously. When can we expect a sequel to that stunning Flaunt Magazine photoshoot from 2012?
Yup. Team Rashida over here.
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Michael Zagaris/Getty
Nnamdi Asomugha. A name millions of us never would have heard of, had it not been for his marriage to the incomparable Kerry Washington. But for those of us who are die-hard fans of the Scandal star, Asomugha has proved to be a suitable fit for our Kerry. Hard-working, handsome, and well-known and respected for his charitable disposition, he has certainly earned himself a new set of fans who typically aren't tuning in to Monday Night Football. Seriously, he's just the sweetest.
But alas, he's officially retired now, and he'll be ending his career with the Oakland Raiders. And we have a few ideas for how he might pass the time ... and yes. Most of them revolve around Kerry Washington, because she is everything.
Finally, Finally Make A Public Appearance With His Wife
Seriously. As good as these paparazzi are, they have yet to get a photo of Asomugha with Washington! With awards season fast-approaching, we're ready for these two to really, really make it official and pop up on the red carpet together.
Continue His Work With Charitable Organizations
His two charities -- Asomugha College Tour for Scholars program and the Orphans and Widows In Need Foundation -- have helped a lot of people and saved many lives here in America and in Nigeria, where both of his parents were born.
Be The Stay-At-Home Dad Of Our Dreams
Have you ever seen the movie Little Children? Yeah. There's nothing more attractive than a stay-at-home Dad, and since Washington and Asomugha are expecting their first child together, we'd love to see him strap on the BABYBJÖRN carrier and get it poppin'.
Make A Guest Appearance On Scandal ... Maybe ... Please?
Okay, we're reaching with this one but how awesome would this be?! He could totally play a new client for Olivia Pope &amp; Associates, or he could just be some hottie extra working in the White House. We're not picky. But this should totally happen.
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