Saturday, August 21, 2010

sometimes I am cliché and sometimes I am naive and sometimes for short brief moments I am insightful and today I am all at once.

when you wake up from a nightmare, and are relieved to realize, no you do not have five arms and one eye, and no, monsters are not trying to eat your brains out, you’re happy to be awake. Then you remember what you actually do look like and the real monsters that are fighting you in your real life, you remember the troubles and issues you’ll have to continue dealing with in the morning. You try to understand how it all fits together because something about the way it works make you recognize what it means to be happy. because happy is not the way you felt when you watch artificial stars explode in the night sky or how it feels when reruns of your favorite show are on television. happy is not those things because those are fact. happy is an elusive thing. That comes and goes, and while you have it, you need to string it up and tie it around your neck and let it reside by your heart. happiness is an instantaneous thing. it is what it is because you recognize it as it is occurring. there is something so wonderfully honest and pure about meeting your subconscious for a moment and realizing you are happy because it is evanescent and you have caught it before it could fly away and now that you have it, you can hold on to it tight, never let go, and keep it forever. so when I say that I am happy I am talking about right this minute. not even sixty seconds ago. I can only speak for what I know, and what I know is now; I can assure you that right as I am typing this, I am spilling out of my soul because I am happy from the roots to the very tips of the branches of my heart. seven weeks does not change anything if you don’t want it to and until you can see the world, let the world see you. nothing is foreboding once you make it your friend not even night time. and uncertain future. or a difficult goal. and everything makes more sense when you begin to unveil a purpose for all of what I think is an extremely fortunate and highly intriguing, series of events.