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Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Aw, Come On, Guys - It's a New Year

By NanceGreggs

As we approach this new year – the last year of Bush’s, uh, presidency – I think it’s time we stopped lying to the Bushbots who are, if you will, in their last throes. With only a handful of them left, let’s admit to all of the untruths that have brought their numbers down to a dwindling few …

Let’s admit that Bush actually rushed to action on the morning of 9-11. It should seem obvious by now that the librul media made a tape-loop of three seconds of footage of him reading The Pet Goat, and made it look like he sat there like a jerk, doing nothing but staring off into space.

Enough of the lies about those WMDs – which, as we all know, were found stockpiled throughout Iraq in plain sight, along with mobile chemical labs and drones that could drop those chemical weapons on unsuspecting nations within minutes – a news story that went unreported, along with the hundreds of hours of footage of our troops being greeted with sweets and flowers.

Let’s own up to the fact that the horrors of Abu Ghraib were the work of a few bad apples. The United States does not torture. Let’s admit that that’s why the alleged ‘torture tapes’ had to be destroyed – because the American public would be disheartened to see how enemy combatants are coddled by the reborn-again-in-Christ president and his administration.

And let’s drop the BS about how badly things are going in Iraq and Afghanistan, please. The ‘good news stories’ are just too plentiful to report; that’s why you never hear about them in the MSM.

Admit it – no one supports the troops more than G.W. Bush and the Republicans. The Walter Reed incident was a hoax dreamed-up by Democrats – probably the same ones who sent anthrax to themselves in the mail.

All of our wounded soldiers are getting excellent care – and those who say different are just lying, along with those who insist they have been sent into combat under-equipped. Billions of dollars have been spent on contracts with fine corporations like Halliburton, whose profits have actually plummeted because they spend every cent on supplying our troops with the best of everything.

And isn’t it time to let go of the lies we have all perpetrated about the economy being in the toilet? Just look at the year-end bonuses the CEOs of major corporations have been awarded. Surely they wouldn’t be paying themselves that kind of money if the companies they oversee didn’t have a surplus of profits to throw around.

The devaluation of the US dollar? A rumor started by world economists – undoubtedly in cahoots with those so-called scientists who keep themselves busy photo-shopping pics of polar ice melting, when they’re not busy suppressing evidence that the earth is indeed only six thousand years old.

For the sake of all that is holy, let’s stop pretending that things like war and torture weren’t part of Jesus’ teachings all along. And damn those Bible suppressors who have refused to acknowledge the second half of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus clearly stated that the warmongers shall be the first to enter the Gates of Heaven.

The national debt? Okay, guys, enough is enough. Can’t we just admit that the people on our side made that shit up to get the other side’s knickers in a twist? We all know that we don’t owe anybody a dime – in fact, we’re so rollin’ in dough, it’s time to support more tax cuts for the wealthy just so the government doesn’t have all of that cash lyin’ around.

The NIE’s that show that Iran has no viable nuke program? Ha, ha, ha – yeah, brought to you by the same jokesters who say our meddling in the Middle East has actually increased anti-American sentiment around the world, and made us more vulnerable. Let’s just state the obvious: every last one of them is on the Democratic payroll, coerced into saying things that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Let’s face it, folks, our worst lies have been aimed at the personal quirks of our esteemed leaders. Dick Cheney? Okay, who among us hasn’t shot a friend in the face and expected an apology from them? Bush’s nonsensical speeches? We have all known since day one that he happens to be contemporaneously translating ancient texts into English as he speaks – so let’s stop pretending that things like “putting food on your family” aren’t brilliant quotes from ancient Sanskrit that just happen to lose something in translation.

Alberto Gonzales? As fine a legal mind as we will ever see grace the AG’s office – the man can actually remember what wasn’t discussed at meetings he never attended. Time to get off this guy’s back and give him his due, don’t ya think?

Condi Rice? Ever notice how the world brightens up when she shows up – not the country she happens to be in at the time, but the rest of the world?

Karl Rove? Let’s finally admit that we’ve been denigrating this fine American for no apparent reason, along with the others who have departed political life to spend more time with their families, just because we can’t stand to see good people speaking the truth and are not satisfied until we hound them into resigning.

As for the PNACers like Billy Kristol, let’s just own up to the fact that he and his buddies have been right all along, and if it wasn’t for that consistently lyin’ mainstream media, the world would know exactly how accurate their predictions have been.

Come on, guys, it’s a new year. It’s time to admit to the Bushbots that their support for this regime has been right-on-the-money from the beginning, and if it wasn’t for all the lies we’ve told about this administration, they’d be millions strong, instead of being down to eleven people.

The truth is that the country is doing better than ever, the economy is soaring, our traditional allies can’t wait for us to start another war just so they can get in on the action, the national debt doesn’t exist, the only reason our education system looks so bad is because the other nations’ kids are cheating on the tests, and if you’re worried about bridges collapsing for lack of maintenance – hey, we’ve got so much money to spend, we can actually afford bridges to nowhere!

So it’s time to stop the lies, the innuendo, the smears and the propaganda. Here we are, seven years in, and all is right with the nation and the world.

It’s enough to make the Bushbots stand up and yell, “Hey, we told you so!” But somehow I think they’re just too gracious to do that.

Happy New Year to all – and let’s keep our miserable political fabrications down to a minimum in ’08, shall we? I think the Bushbots may actually have caught on to our lyin’ ways…

Posted in full with author's permission.

Originally poated at democraticunderground.com: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/NanceGreggs/324