Scientists know how cold it can get. Absolute zero. Imagine if we would live in a world where absolute zero were an everyday, real-life experience. A weather forecast would be, “Absolute zero tonight with a warming trend tomorrow to almost absolute zero followed by a heat wave up to dead solid zero into the weekend. Dress accordingly.”

You know it’s cold when your eyeballs lock in place in their sockets…

… when you can read what you said on your frozen breath vapors…

… when a Polar Plunge sounds warm.

… when spontaneous thought takes an hour.

… when Frozen Tundra sounds like a hot dish.

It is then that it’s colder than…

Here we go with attempts to finish the sentence in new, original ways that are repeatable in mixed company:

… colder than an anarchist’s kiss. (A bit obscure, but it sounds cold).

… colder than a delinquent’s quince. (Obscure, but it’s nicely off the wall).