Friday, April 1, 2016

Demon Road Book 3 Will Be...

With Desolation only a few days away, I am still hard at work on the third and final Demon Road book.

From the beginning, I wanted these books to be as streamlined as possible — I wanted them short and punchy. Now, I completely failed with Demon Road, as it was a pretty big book, and only got slightly better with Desolation, which is shorter, but it looks like I'm finally getting the hang of this with Book 3, which will hopefully be the perfect length.

To be honest, this sounds pretty epic! I hope this is the real name for the actual book and not a April fool.However, I still look forward to reading it one day, no matter what title it is going to have.

So excited for this!! Loved the first one, have been waiting ages for the second and the third is coming sooner than I thought it would which is amazing! Will probably end up reading them in one go like I did with the first... who needs sleep, right?

*doesnt feel good, though that isn't new* I got to hang out with an old friend for a few hours today. I really wanted to talk to her about everything- just, spill, and tell them all about what has happened since August

But I couldn't bring myself to do it :/

People say "I'm here for you, so you can talk to me if you need me"

But that never works

And no one ever does that.

:/ I wish that people, when they say they care for me, then walk the walk.

Finally, a truly impressive title font. Now if that doesn't appear on the cover of the book I will be sorely disappointed. Just lay it on top of another classic Tom Percival illustration and call it a day. That would be wonderful. That would be perfect.

I just tend to find that people who don't make an effort into our relationship is not worth my time. I find that when this happens, it is typically I who has to do a lot of the work in the relationship- I initiate conversations, create events to hang out with, listen to their issues.

And as a PSA, saying "you can talk to me any time" is not helpful. And it isn't being a good friend- at least to me. I feel like if someone actually cared, they would take the time to actually look at me when I'm sad, and they would notice if something were wrong. It isn't that hard- someone is quieter than usual, looks tired, etc. it is easier on the Internet. If someone adds an ellipsis that is equated to a cry for help (regardless of whether or not that cry for help is valid).

*shrug* I just hate it when people say they will do something, but expect me to do the work. If I'm having a shitty day, I'm not going to talk to anyone. I'm going to isolate myself and just feel bad in a corner or something. I won't feel like I'm loved, so why would I talk to someone?

I just hate social conduct nowadays. People get away with being vapid more.

. . . Yeah I'm pretty sure I come at it from completely the other end to you. More from a "No one is obligated to speak to me at all and I'm lucky they let me exist near them and I shouldn't feel entitled to any more bevause so long as I get to be near them and appreciate them that should be okay" kinda direction. I don't see going out of your way to speak to someone as the minimum expectation - I consider that surpassing expectations. Like if a C is a pass and a B is alright and an A is good, then privately messaging someone when they use an ellipsis is kind of an A*. Additionally, I've got it ingrained into me that I don't want to bother people. As an introverted person who's had to fend off a lot of people's attempts to befriend me when I'd much rather be alone, I've grown up telling myself not to go out of my way to go and be friendly to people because when I was younger, I didn't like it, and I'd rather be left alone. I remember deliberately not looking or running over in concern when people tripped over on the playground, bevause I knew I hated it when I fell over and was swamped by a sea of strangers trying to be nice. On a conscious level, I've got rid of most of that mindset - in real life, the only times I've made friends with people has been through other friends or through people forcefully befriending me, so I've learnt to appreciate it - but it's still very much there subconsciously and I'm usually set to "do not bother people" mode without consciously thinking it through. And trust me, I can make a lot of inaccurate decisions by just following my default mode and not thinking things through.And then there's. Reciprocation. I'm constantly scared to show that I care people in case they don't care about me as much, and I wouldn't want to put them in a position where they know I care about them more than they care about me, because I've been in that position and I don't like it. So once again "avoid putting people in that situation" gets set as my default mode. (I believe you're all beginning to see why I don't make friends unless I'm forcefully befriended. :P)Additionally . . . I personally like "I'm always here for you" offers. Chloe's said often that her inbox is always open and I dint believe I've ever taken her up on the offer, but I do consider it from time to time and I'm glad it's there. Idk, I see "I'm always there for you" offers as "if you want to talk, I'll listen and I'll care and I'll try to be helpful back and I won't mind you doing it bevause if I minded I wouldn't have offered (or, at least, if they do mind; it's not my fault that I bothered them because they told me I could)" and that . . . idk, I class that as being there for someone. Because they are there, if you ever need them. And I do appreciate that, personally. I appreciate knowing I can talk to people if I so choose, although I often won't choose so as not to bother them. Essentially, I'm very minimalism when it comes to friendship. I try to expect very little of people (try to. It's hard sometimes), so that translates to not giving much out in return. If in doubt, I often just try to copy what the other person is doing so it's nice and symmetrical and they don't have reciprocation problems. Which has got me into a few awkward situations before. Apparently faking reciprocation is a bad idea.

I seem to constantly be having the same miscommunication issue in multiple different places so there must be an inherent issue with how I'm typing things . . . I should probably sort that out . . . /I, personally/, take a pretty minimalistic approach. However, I realise there are, like, ten thousand and one billions issues with said approach, so I wouldn't advise it and I don't think people should adhere to it. I guess I just don't have the courage or will to do a method evaluation. Not sure I could manage such a thing, either way.

Even if she was happy about yesterday doesn't mean she has to be automatically happy.

As I said before, none of us are mind readers, if you are feeling a bit low and need someone to talk to, say it.I have depression, I know how you're probably feeling. I watched your video last night, I know you're feeling low.

But just because you're frustrated at the moment, doesn't mean you take it out on someone else.

Gemma, I'm not doing that to spite you. I'm doing it because I feel bad for you; You feel so much anger and sadness- I try to avoid you typically because I know that our conversations often make us both unsettled and upset.I'm just trying to be an example- there are people here who I know would love to support you. But being angry and letting it out on other people isn't healthy, and it won't make them susceptible to supporting you in your times of trouble.

Um. I quite literally don't know which direction to reply in here. So um. I might make myself a little bullet pointed list and see where it goes.

- Noelle has depression, I don't know if you've realised. That's why her life is shit. - If you don't like the lack of appreciation you get when you reply to Noelle, you can always not reply. According to Star's Minimalist Mindset, you are under no obligation to help anyone else out, although if you gives nothing you should expect nothing back in return.- I have, actually, seen Noelle be appreciative to people helping her. Mayve she doesn't show you appreciation because she doesn't consider you to be helping her. That's a maybe, I'm not in Noelle's head, and that's a maybe about Noelle's thought process not your actions so don't jump on me. - Look at the comment you just posted. Regardless of whether or not you consider it justified, have you ever seen Noelle post a comment like that about somebody else? If you have, sorry, I must have missed that one. In the much more likely event that you have not, have you ever considered that this is WHY people are less inclined to be sympathic to you? - Also, Noelle does get some sympathy posts, but she also gets quite a few hatred posts. I'd say they about balance out. If you want to keep your position of "Noelle has such a good life," maybe stop making her life shittier - it's kinda invalidating your argument a bit. - And I'm really unobservant, really really I am, but I don't recall you being particularly ignored. I mean, I'm sure you've written posts about being upset that no one has responded to, but Noelle has done the same. So. You know. - "I want to feel as if people care about me hut they don't. Apart from Jai and Keiron." . . . that's two. *confused expression of a loner who rarely has any friends* :PTbh both you guys (Noelle and Gemma) have at leadt some people who care about you and I judt can't join you on your "but I want more" bandwagon without wanting more myself, so I have to refrain in the interests of trying not to feel upset and unloved. I don't consider either of you entitled, though, before that comes up again. I get it. I get your emotions and they're not unreasonable, I just can't easily say it whilst staying in the position I'm in. - I'm pretty sure Noelle was universally complaining about the mindset that results in people not caring for each other and relating it to her own experiences. I read it as a "people should care more about people" not a "people should care more about me." However I understand how you could have read it as a "people should care more about me" and if so then I can understand why you're angry (although I disagree with you expressing your anger in the way you did), but in my opinion it's probably just a misunderstanding. - "if everyone kept their personal shih off the blog it would automatically feel a little less depressing" If people didn't post comments like yours it would feel a little less depressing ahem. :P

- I imagine Noelle is similarly drawn back to this place and drawn to comment even though shit like this keeps making her feel worse. Surely you can relate?- Honestly, if I'm online around when Noelle makes a comment, I'll usually respond, but if too much time has elapsed I'll ignore it. If you're online when I'm online I'll probably respond to you too. If not, I'll ignore you. I don't know, that seems fair too much. but yes, I agree that most people respond to Noelle disproportionately (although she also gets a disproportional amount of shitty comments directed at her). This is probably because she is very depressed and often feels really really shit and people will realise that she feels like shit a disproportionate amount and be conxerned and want to try and help. Whereas people who aren't as depressed are probably, completely naturally, not on the radar as much. If I post a comment when I'm feeling slightly down, I realise my mood is temporary and not too severe and wouldn't be surprised if it didn't get much attention (it doesn't rrally need it . . .) if I was really, really feeling shit and posted here I would expect people to be more concerned and to respond more (if they didn't, I'd be disappointed . . .) The thing is, though, I only feel really, really shit rarely. Noelle feels really, really shit pretty often, so it's natural people would be more concerned about her than about me - she warrants more concern. That's why she gets a lot of responses. Although I'd once again like to reiterate that often her comments are ignored - people are more concerned about her, but they're not in DROP EVERYTHING AND RESPOND IMMEDIATELY mode. - Genuine question here, not being rhetorical - would you prefer it if people didn't try to help Noelle? I personally prefer a world where people try to help those who are depressed. Even if it doesn't work, it's nice to see people try. People are nice on this blog *little smile*. If you'd prefer a blog where people didn't try to help those who were upset, well . . . then I don't know why you feel unloved; shouldn't people not caring about you be what you want?

Honestly? I don't go out of my way enough to help either of you (Gemma or Noelle) and it's nothing personal bevause it's rather rare for me to do that for anyone. I don't go out of my way enough to help my real life friends either and god knows I talk about them all the time. So seriously, really, if either of you feel like I don't care enough about either of you, don't take it as a personal insult and don't for Christ's sake take it out on each other (I'm looking at you, Gemma.)

Honestly, I don't reply very well. I reply iffily (shh that's a word). :P If you want me to respond - eating junk food really isn't healthy :/ I would advise you to try and restrict your access to junk food and to try and eat healthier food.

Yeah, I was about to turn and shoot a pithy comment at them. They had to stop the show, too- there was a technical error, and they were complaining the whole time. >.< theater is hard, and it wasn't the tech people's fault per se if something went wrong. They should have had sympathy.

( you know this is exactly what Gemma said would happen and look . its annoying. Gemma gets depressed too... and maybe she doesn't talk the way others do about it... she shows little hints and plays the game of someone notice please as I don't want to be that person.... and when she tells you ...everytime... you al forget and attack her each and everytime. -this is as calm as I can be right now. replies may get more how should I say ... wordy. )

@Keiron: So Gemma was afraid that if she verbally attacked someone she'd be verbally attacked back? Believe it or not, that's exactly the message I was trying to give out . . . I don't want anyone to feel upset and depressed, and that means I don't want anyone to be verbally attacked . . . but if Gemma verbally attacks someone, really all I can do is a) not verbally attack her back (which sends out the message of "if you verbally attack people it's okay because there are no negative consequences") or b) verbally attack her back, which probably won't help her feel better and I know that and it hurts me, but at least maybe it'll show her it's a bad idea so she can do it less in the future so we all (including her) get less hurt. In other words - I don't forget she can get upset too, and I do feel bad about increasing her upsetness (I'm feeling bad right this second), but it's not okay to unwarranted verbally attack people regardless of how upset you feel and I can't pretend it is okay.

I was nasty to you the other day .. I don't even know who seen as we all went to the new post.. but I'd do it again... you get a lot of attention and some of us feel overlooked. Especially when you know a fucktoone <- yes thats a measurement- of people would kill or be killed to have what you have... look in the mirror .. i've seen pictures you are not ugly, you are skinny and well you have friends whether or not you see or admit it.. they are there for you ... you have a scholardship and stuff etc etc etc my point is she's angry and annoyed and prving her right no mater what isn't a good idea because she'll jut hate you all more for it as if ...IFFFFFFFFFFF big if ok you were to do that people would still jump on your bandwagon .. but when she does it she can only rely properly to have her back 100% of the time. Even Jai doesn't always agree with her "methods" so yeh when and if you were to do that you;d have at least ali + basically anyone else that didn't want to offend you for fear of you having a scar in their name )

But I don't agree that it was fair. Pain is not a competition. Everyone hurts. And my scholarship? I've worked so, so hard for my highschool career for it. I push myself, and, unfortunately, since we aren't talking face to face, it may be difficult to envision and for me to describe just precisely how I feel.

My point that I am driving at is that Gemma often berates and yells at people. That will not make her favorable. If she wants support, she will have to try to speak more neutrally. She watches Fullmetal Alchemist, right? It's like equivalent exchange. If she hurts other people, she in turn, will be hurt.

And clearly, I'm not all- loved. I know how nasty you can be to me. I'm sure you and Gemma have had many conversations about me where you talk poorly about me. And I try to avoid you, so I don't have to receive it; and I try my best to be kind, so your words aren't founded on truth.

What I mean is that, if she is mean to ther people, she will nt be viewed favorably

( I was and used to be nice to you... now it just annoys me. I tried and got nothing in return and that's never worth it for me. Even Hatred is worth trying for me but nothing is as bad as "k" not all loved but I have jumped on your bandwagon a few times. just to get run over )

*sighs* *calmly* The reason Noelle feels like shit is because she is depressed.The reason she has an eating disorder is because she has an eating disorder. This, to me, is very similar to saying "the reason Noelle is lying on the floor doing nothing is bevause she's been shot in the leg and can't walk." You can say "but Noelle looks beautiful and has a college grant!" but those things won't heal her gunshot injury. Mental problems are just as serious as physical problems and if you have a mental problem it's not going to magically go away just because you get a college grant any more than a gunshot wound would go away if you got awarded a college grant.

Noelle gets more attention than most of us here (and it's not that much more in my opinion, just slightly more, though ice not been counting or anything so I'm a little subjective) bevause she tends to feel shittier than most of us here. If people were concerned equally about me and Noelle it would make me feel kinda bad because I generally feel happier than Noelle and don't need the concern. I honestly haven't been scrutinising too closely, so I can't compare you, personally, Keiron, against Noelle (or Gemma, personally, against Noelle), I can only speak generally.

And honestly, Keiron, I don't care how fair or unfair Gemma's point want, I really disagreed with the way she expressed it. It's like if (*urgently looks around for example that isn't too extreme bevause I don't want a repeat of when I accidentally called Saoirse a Naxi*) if I were black, and I said something rather mean to (*pulls random name put of hat*) Chloe, and (*second random name*) Dugglyn didn't like what I'd said and therefore responded angrily to me and said a few nasty racist things . . . maybe Dugglyn would be justified in being angry at me for saying that to Chloe, but those things she said to me were just uncalled for and regardless of whether Dugglyn was justified in being angry, she shouldn't have said them. And if Dugglyn wanted people to side with her she shouldn't have said them, bevause what she said was worse than what I did and therefore people are likely to side against Dugglyn even though her original anger was justified . . .

And actually, if, hypothetically, you're right and Noelle gets too much attention . . . that's not Noelle's fault, and neither is it Noelle's fault that her metaphorical gunshot wound still hasn't healed yet. So if Gemma really objected to it she should take it up with the people who she thinks give Noelle too much attention, as it would be them committing the offense. (Although just to make it clear this offense would be more along the lines of ignoring Gemma, not giving Noelle too much attention.)

I choose to not respond a lot, and if I respond more to Noelle, well I'm trying to be friendly with her again so that does take a lot of my thought process. Plus I'm often watching tv when I'm on or homework.

I can't speak for the "you all" you refer too, only myself . . . but Noelle's metaphorical gunshot wound seems worse than most people's here. Like if I said "god damn it when we illegally downloaded Once Upon A Time In Wonderland we didn't download the last episode and now I'll never know what happened and I was really enjoying it!! *looks upset and deprived*" . . . I would class that more as a papercut (although dude it's a fuckung annoying papercut. :P) Different levels of injury warrant different levels of sympathy. Once again, I can't directly compare Gemma and Noelle easily,only Noelle to general trends and Gemma to general trends. Actually in haven't compared Gemma yet. Well, I think Gemma gets about average attention. Um. Now I've done it. :PEither way, personally . . . I don't give either Gemma nor Noelle enough attention, so I wouldn't describe myself as someone who is always running to Noelle's aide. Also, I tend to mostly comment if a) not too much time has elapsed and b) I have something to contribute. It's not a very fair system. People will get ignored on occasion. I tend to think that's okay so long as I ignore everyone from time to time so my ignorance isn't targeted, but maybe I was wrong. I can't respond to all the comments, though, so *shrugs helplessly*. Sorry, I can feel my mind wandering with tiredness. :/ Also this may be controversial but I think people also have a tendency to care about Noelle's gunshot wound as Noelle never verbally attacks anyone despite frequently getting verbally attacked. That tends to make you sympathise with a person.

Imagine I'm slowly torturing someone, over the course of several years. They can't run away because I've broken all of their limbs. Once every now and then, I'll decide not to hurt them as much today, but in all these years I have yet to relent entirely, and most often I make sure that their days are incredibly painful. If this person were to seek out comfort at regular intervals, or admit how awful they're feeling because it hurts more to keep it hidden, you might find it annoying. But would you say that person isn't justified in trying to feel loved even when their isolation and numerous forces around them tell them otherwise?

Noelle is tormented by her own mind every day, and verbally assaulted by numerous others quite frequently. In real life, it's incredibly difficult for her to find any support in other people, because she has devoted so much time to her academics rather than forging and maintaining friendships. I am truly and immensely grateful that she still tries to take some solace in people who care for her here, rather than suffering in silence, because I care deeply for her and want her to know, and to be silent would be so much more damaging for her. And, as has been pointed out, no matter how badly she is abused by others she doesn't verbally attack anyone. In fact, she pleads with her friends to stop when we grow too heated in her defense.

Personally, there are many people here who I simply don't have a connection to, and I don't have the time to invest in getting to know everyone. Noelle is my dearest and only friend because she has supported and cared for me for so long even when I was cruel to her, and through that I began to respect other people as well. Honestly, I typically only check this blog to see if she's commented. So of course I would come to her defense, and I think it's understandable that I rarely come to someone else's aid because I'm simply not close to most people, and I'm rarely here when they would need it. If you think that's unfair, and have a problem with that, take it up with me. It has nothing to do with Noelle's actions.

These are the moments when i wish i could take someone's time invested in building their intelligence and carry it for them. I mean, I am not doing socially well. It wouldn't make much difference for me, except I'd be more informed. It'd be a win win. Oh btw, is anyone on?

What!! They taste good! I don't need concentrated sugar for something to be sweet.

Yes! I want to do biological paleo. I'd love to go work in Africa and try to find bones that are a couple million years old. *Is really nerdy when it comes to culture and anatomy and history**No, like /really/ nerdy*

Hehe, I personally like some parts of chem. Like bonding stuff and the theory such as van der vaal forces, spectroscopy method etc. I do not like the equations though :P Which is math...yeah i am not too good with math either.. I'll do it if necessary, but I'd rather not. Particle physics are awesome though! And theoretical physics, such as the quantum principle. Or string theory! :P Possibly the only thing that makes me loose my mind just as much as The structure of the DNA and cells XD

That's one's a pretty interesting theory...which is not actually a theory because it's been proven... However, it can have disapproved sex with your brain when we start talking about a lot of different spaces and time lines with a lot of objects in it :p

For me it's physics > chemistry > biology, but chemistry likely only ranks higher than biology bevause includes more maths, haha. Also my teachers seem to think I have excellent flair and commitment in chemistry for some reason. But physics beats all precisely because it's so strange. :)*mutters slightly about quarks*

No, that's not what I'm saying. Sorry, that was probably an issue with my wording again - I can see how that could have happened. No, I think everyone deserves attention, and if people are upset I hope they get attention and are helped (although I'd like to add that no one has a right to attention. It's just nice.) It's not a . . . it's not like only one person can be paid attention to. In theory, you would get attention when upset AND Noelle would get attention when upset AND I would get attention when up AND so would everyone else. However, sometimes people are ignored when upset, and that happens to EVERYONE - you, me, Noelle. However, if people gave Noelle the same amount of concern they gave me, Noelle would be ignored when she was upset more of the time. I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say any clearer. Just because Noelle is upset and people are concerned about her doesn't make everyone completely unable to be upset/concerned about you. And no, you don't get paid attention to 100% of the time, but I think anyone who thinks Noelle dies really needs to have a read back through the comments because the sympathetic/concerned comments she gets really aren't overly numerous even if they're not nonexistent.

It's not like people have to pick between trying to heal Noelle's gunshot wound before yours. We can try to heal both simultaneously. We are a pretty dang imperfect medic team though.

Seriously though Gemma, honestly, honestly, honestly, I don't want to upset you but when you're lashing out at people I can't side with you without siding against people who are being hurt for no reason. So I am going to side against you. Which is going to make you feel more upset, which will make you lash out more . . . do you know how to break this cycle? Because I don't. And I can't promise to always respond to every single thing you say and make sure I never ignore any of your comments, because that would be disproportionately favouring you and despite what you think I don't like disproportionate favouritism, and I can't pay attention to every single comment everyone ever makes because I just know I'm not capable of that kind of commitment. As long as you're here and I'm here, I will ignore some of your comments, and I will ignore some of everyone's comments, and it doesn't matter if that hurts people bevause either way it's not going to change.

But furthermore . . . you don't need to be nice to Noelle. You never need to be nice to anyone if you don't want to. I'm not asking you to be her best friend. I just think that if you don't like her: the least you can do is say nothing to her. Then at least people won't get attacked and there won't be arguments, and that will make everyone less hurt, including you, because when you lash out at Noelle and I lash back I know it hurts you. Although seriously, if you think people pay more attention to Noelle than to you, then . . . Noelle has nothing to do with that - it's other people who are paying the attention. So if you really think there's an offense being committed here, which I don't think there is, Noelle's the last person you should be taking it up with as sge's the only one who can't be committing it. But seriously, Gemma, not everyone's going to want to be your best friend just as not everyone wants to be Noelle's best friend . . . Before it comes up, I'm not trying to say you'Re entilted, I'm just reassuring you that you do have some people who love you and appreciate you, so you know *comforting expression* it's okay.

People with life-threatening injuries can get medical attention people with injuries that aren't life threatening can get medical attention people with papercut can get medical attention but barely anyone bothers giving medical attention for a papercut because it's not a big deal people with no injury don't get medical attention and then sometimes medical attention I'd given when not needed or needed and not given, and that's a flaw in the system that can be mimised but never fixed.

Voila.

I would advise one-on-one private conversation if you want more attention, though, Gemma. People tend to both give and receive more attention if there's only two of you. In a group setting ignoring is MUCH more common. Although bear in mind that if someone doesn't wish to give you attention that sucks for you but it's their right to ignore you (just as it's your right to dislike them for it).

It’s alright.No one is ever not depressed enough or not sad enough or not mental enough for help. And people do care. Trust me.Anyway, I used to be in a pretty dark cycle of self hate and when I said what I thought of myself to the people who listened they would always tell me I wasn’t. That was hard. I could never see it their way. It’s was a hard thing to face all by myself so I decided to make sure everyone was on the same page. I said rude things around my family, got my friends angry all of the time so that they would hate me too. Surrounded myself with the most toxic people just to fuel a fire that I couldn’t keep going alone. Was a lot easier to pick on myself when I’d already heard the words from everyone else. It was masochistic and felt so good, everyone united in one cause.Not saying this is you because I don’t know you and I’m just a ghost. But maybe you’re settling for lashing out at people because anger is so much easier to face than sadness. Anger burns, warms you up. Pain just hurts. Don’t think I’m saying you’re attention seeking either with this next point because I know you have feelings that are justifiable and you want and need help. However, maybe you’re unconsciously shopping anger and lashing out because the explosions have enormous fall out zones. Crying will get you a hug, maybe they’ll try and push you far enough to help but anger…anger will get you the angry mob, complete with every town villager chanting at your front door with torches and pitchforks. Maybe you feel this is the only way anyone ever listens. Maybe this is the only way to get the attention…not even attention, maybe it’s the only way you feel you’re heard. But, my friend, lashing out is dangerous and you might end up hurting someone to the point where they become as sad as you or as hurt as you or as wounded as you. Not expecting you to sit in a circle and sing Kumbaya to everyone. But you need to stop lashing out, because by feeding your anger and your pain, by using the negativity of everyone else just feel like everyone else is feeling something, you’re destroying yourself. And you deserve the life you’ve been given to be prosperous. Please, keep trying, you’ll get there.

hmmm.... again i am on no one's side. I think both sides deserve some kind of a resolve. But I will not give it to one side by taking theirs. I don't think I've ignored you gemmy, so hopefully I haven't made your day any harder than it has to be :)

Also, I know it may hurt that i am not taking your side gemma, but...I am taking responsibility for my actions. I will try to make the best decisions, and that's by staying neutral in this situation. Both parties are hurt, from my perspective, neither has to receive any more pain.

*is sorry, but gonna avoid talking about the recent-not-so-recent conversation that took place above^^*((Just want to remind Jai to check my blog. Not that it's important, just that I've added some posts.))

I wrote a lot about it, and I was really deciding hard about whether or not I should post it, because I know it will cause anger, but, to be honest, I know that no one would notice anyway. So I decided to write a little thing.