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If you are proven to have enough general knowledge, maths ability and investment nous, you are allowed to invest for yourself. Licenced even.

Those people who fail the test, or don’t turn out to be competent enough, aren’t allowed to have a go. They have to outsource their investment to a fund manager and even – since opting for a fund manager first requires making investment decisions – a financial adviser. Protected from themselves. Protected from their own idiocy, arrogance and the swindling marketing men.

After all, I imagine other would-be investors keep running up against the same problem as I do: I just don’t know enough to invest half of the time and there's too much choice so I can't focus.

For example, I’d like to nail some ‘junior oils’, some crash-bang shares.

For the uninitiated, these are small oil companies that seem to gamble everything on some remote chance of striking vast mineral wealth in shark-infested waters, often off geopolitically explosive shores. Every now and then you gotta ride them right down into the dirt – like Borders & Southern today. According to Citywire, ‘shares have plunged 70% to a three-year low after disappointing drilling news from the Falkland Islands’. Crash!

But when they score… Oh when they score, watch the share price shoot up, up and away… Bang! This is definitely where the action is. And besides, I’ve got to start somewhere (having taken over this portfolio from its previous Dumb Investor, my bro, I’ve sold stuff, but not been brave enough to buy yet) or Citywire will strip me of this column.

My portfolio on Monday: Click to enlarge

The problem is though, the companies are force-field protected: they are shielded by a barrier of impenetrable jargon, which presumably only the chief executive, experts on drilling/mining whatever, and super-specialist, investors understand. Not the rest of us.

So which ones are set to bang and which to crash?

I'm thinking maybe North Sea companies could be the place to start as they are set for 'M&A'/'consolidation'. But beyond that, despite extensive research/Googling, I'm struggling to nail it down. So please, readers, I need recommendations on investable companies in this area. I only want one. Promise I won’t be stupid or act rashly – I’ll do my own research if I can just narrow it all down a bit to start with. Trust me.

I invest in nice tech shares because I can read their patents, pick apart their product roadmaps, understand their route to market, and make a decision.

For the same reason, I don't invest in junior oilies. I know people who *do* know about oil exploration who have done well with such investments, but a key part of being smart is knowing what you know and knowing what you don't know.

If you find the jargon impenetrable (it isn't, you just haven't yet put in the work) then move on. If you find all jargon impenetrable, then use trackers.

I agree with the XEL rampers and expect a good rise soon. Also in a 'safe' jurisdiction there is plenty of good news to come from Irish Sea driller PVR. A punt on CHAR could also be profitable but that is far from home waters.

Wait until you have enough money to buy at least three stocks so you have a small portfolio so if one goes bang you hope the other two might prosper and/ or add something that is producing oil at the moment to give a little more balance. Try to spread the geography. FOGL looks cheap at the moment (Falklands), also Bowleven (West Africa) and Xcite wouldn't be a bad start. If you want something producing with a bit of exploration I like CEO (Far East)

Oh dear - you are clearly not talking about investing - just gambling. Suggest you read the horse racing section of the morning paper if gambling is what you really have in mind. Xcite Energy - the name alone is enough to put anyone off.

Anthony Tinslay..........Thank you. I've been saying this for ages on here. The Dumb Investor's ideas are little better than rolling the dice or betting on the 2.30 at Newmarket. Investing should be about the medium to long term and not about making a quick buck..............or loss in this case. Of course DI could strike lucky but on the evidence so far it seems to me that DI mark 2's ideas are wackier than his predecessor's.

Go with FOGL. Shares are very cheap thanks for BOR making it a perfect time to get in, prior to the drilling results. (roughly 4 weeks away). Potential for 4.7 billion barrels of oil or a huge amount of gas.

"I'm thinking maybe North Sea companies could be the place to start as they are set for 'M&A'/'consolidation'. But beyond that, despite extensive research/Googling, I'm struggling to nail it down. So please, readers, I need recommendations on investable companies in this area. I only want one."

Joe T., answers the question.

So do I with just one, of many reasons. D.I. will do his own research after all.

sgjhaghsdg, does not answer the question but does provide a little insight into tech shares.

Rustie, does not answer the question and posts the usual patronising guff seen on iii and lse.

Toby via mobile, does not answer the question but gives a tip for a company operating in Paraguay and Columbia - I will look into them though.

MARK LOCKYEAR, does not answer the question.

Michael Hellman, does answer the question with a different perspective, trouble is that fund may have exposure to the likes of MXP, DES, BOR et al.

Anonymous 1, does not answer the question but does answer a question that D.I. did not ask.

Ian Giddings, thanks for the support, I will look into PVR. Will stay away from CHAR though.

dennis denuto, again thanks for the support for the XEL tip. BLVN will recover eventually, but I would not touch any of the Falkland explorers with your barge pole including FOGL.

walkup, ah yes BP.

mike88, does not answer the question but does slag off D.I.'s past performance. I do not follow D.I. He merely asked a question and I and others tried to answer.

Steve H, actually when I was at school we did Mathematics.

Matthew Charles Flinders, Nope, FOGL is not in the North Sea. What happens if they do a DES or BOR and you find your £10k worth £2k? And when do you think RKH will produce any oil? 2017 or maybe 2018?

Donald, far from patronising you, I'm gently chiding you (known in the UK as taking the piss) for your Americanese "Math" and "no brainers"....plus your purporting to actually know. You no more know than the rest of us, just a bit slicker with the bullshit....but then, aren't all Americans?

Too bad I was born and raised in the UK. Now, gonna try and answer D.I.'s question or not?

God Save the Queen and here's to a right good Olympics with loads of British success!! Oh yes, and loads of that Bentley heavy oil coming out during the current EWT which commenced 2 weeks ago by - yes you guessed it - Xcite Energy.

Not only do they have a significant interest in FOGL.L (so if they do find oil/gas, FKL.L will prosper too), but they''re equivalent to the guys who sold wheelbarrows and shovels to the Gold Rush prospectors (i.e. they made loads of money whether or not the prospectors found gold).

Fenner's probably OK as a safer bet, but if you want to bet on something that could really fly, then the likes of FKL.L would be better, although of course, you'd have to be prepared to lose most of your bet.

FKL.L is a genuine trading company and regardless of any oil/gas finds still makes a modest profit and pays a dividend, so it's not the outright gamble that the exploration companies are.

However, to give you an idea of what the exploration companies can return, I bought 20,000 RKH.L shares for 24 pence in 2006 and sold them this year for about £3.50 each after the Sea Lion field was proved and I could have sold them for more if I had timed it better, but I'm not grumbling.

Before drilling in the South Atlantic began, the "experts" were saying that there was about a 1-in-8 chance (or less) of an exploration company finding anything and so far EVERY single company to have drilled has found something, even Desire and Borders & Southern (which is still evaluating its Darwin field results).