Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Milk!

JP has been falling asleep so early the last couple of days. Both Sunday and Monday nights he fell asleep before 7 p.m.. Then, he wakes up every couple of hours.

"Milk?" he says. Or sometimes he says it this way: "Milk!"

At first his exhortation of "milk!" was pretty cute. And, it still is... during daylight hours. When my eyeballs are wide open. But at 2 a.m., it's not as cute. Nope, at 2 a.m., the cute factor decreases pretty rapidly.

He's nursing a lot at night lately, and I suspect that it's a growth spurt, or maybe he's fighting a cold, or maybe he just misses me more than he used to. All those reasons are fine, and I'm okay with that, logically, now, at 11:34 in the morning. He misses me? Sweet boy!

But at 2 a.m., when he's been nursing for what feels like a solid hour, switched from one side to the other ("Milk!" as we roll over), man, I feel like a deflated balloon. I feel like, if I could just get more than two hours of sleep at a time, or fall back asleep after I've been woken up... I feel like if any of those things could happen, on like, a regular basis, I would be so, so happy.

And it's not just me: Patrick is not getting any solid sleep, either. This morning, when JP started to wake up at 5 o'clock, and was calling for "milk!," Patrick brought him to me to nurse, but when I had to stop so that I could get ready for work, and Patrick bundled him up in a blanket and went into the other room, and JP stopped crying the second he was more than 3 feet away from me... well. How does that make me feel? Let's just say, not that great.

Same old mantra I've been saying for months now: I'm not ready to wean. I'm not emotionally ready to stop nursing him. I know he's not ready either: obviously he needs it. I get it. But I'm so, so tired. Every morning I wake up and think, I gotta call that La Leche League lady. It's been awhile. I just need to hear some encouraging words (right now all I want to hear is "You're doing great! This won't last forever!!!!!!" Yeah, it doesn't work when I say it to myself. Believe me: I've tried.)

My co-worker told me that a good way to wean might be to get pregnant again: she read somewhere that some babies don't like the way mama's milk tastes when mama is pregnant. Right. And start this all over again??? Nice try, lady!

A nap would be so nice. Hmmm... doesn't a nap sound awesome? Cozy clothes, a soft blanket, the nice clean pillowcases and sheets I put on the bed on Sunday... But nooooo... I have to be here, at work today! Stupid work always gets in the way of all the fun I could be having!

Oh, and the other thing? Since he's been on his night nursing marathons, I have the hugest, biggest sweet tooth imaginable. Cookies, whatever: I can't get enough. I'm just now putting 2 and 2 together (hey! maybe if I was getting more sleep I'd be faster on the uptake!)... or maybe there's no connection? I'm not (thank God) gaining any weight, so I don't know what the deal there is. Maybe I need to think about this some more.

Anyway, there's my story for today. I need some sleep. I need a cookie.