Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis— 35 of 235

One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Baldanders is a man in the Battlement. The printed name of Baldanders is "the Gostak chief". The indefinite article of Baldanders is "the". The description of Baldanders is "The Gostak chief[6 as a reference][7 as a reference] is a giant of a man, with lank, thinning blond hair[8 as a reference]. He carries an enormous mace, which he wields as if it weighed nothing at all." Understand "Gostak", "chief", "chieftan", "giant", and "man" as Baldanders. The default reply of Baldanders is "The giant is in no mood for conversation." Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of Baldanders: no. Baldanders is unspeakable.

The hair is part of Baldanders. The description is "Lank, thin blonde hair is stretched across the giant's skull." Understand "lank", "blonde", "blond", "thin", "thinning", and "yellow" as the hair.

The mace is held by Baldanders. The description is "The huge iron mace crackles with eldritch fire." Understand "iron", "mace", "eldritch", "fire", "fiery", and "huge" as the mace. Instead of throwing the toga at the mace, try throwing the toga at Baldanders. Instead of taking the mace, say "The giant swings the mace in a sizzling arc, driving you back."

The kilt is a garment worn by Baldanders. The description is "The giant's kilt hangs almost to his knees, the distinctive tartan of Clan Gostak." Understand "tartan", and "skirt" as kilt.

Check going south in the battlement:

if Baldanders is in the battlement, instead say "The Gostak chief steps smoothly into the doorway, laughing nastily as he twirls his mace.";

say "BUG! How did you get here?";

stop the action.

Check fucking Baldanders:

if the stiffycock is not held by the player

begin;

say "You aren't undressed for the occasion.";

otherwise;

say "You are a lover, not a fighter. You'd need to be awfully good at both to hope to succeed at that.";