Sunday, March 31, 2013

Hurts are dangerous things that
affect us all. Because we need acceptance—one of a human’s innate needs—we will
be stung by varying forms of rejection. Much of the time the knowledge of our
hurts is blocked, or we deny them, or they play on our hearts too much.

Hurts tend to be buried too far to
access or they are dredged up with unfortunate ease.

Of course, the antithesis of hurt
is healing and we
all need to be healed—both in a momentary context as well as in the context
within succeeding moments throughout the rest of our lives. We are never beyond
being hurt.

But there is a vital truth we must know if we are to be healed—if we are to approach
healing, knowing that many cannot or will not do such a thing.

This vital truth is simply having
the courage to own and honour the truth about ourselves—the ugly, despicable,
irretrievable, regretful, and untameable secrets.

But there is a problem we have in
doing that: how are we to approach such horrible truths
about ourselves and own them and honour them if we are either scared of those
realities or as they seem too much work for the reward offered?

Many people sidestep the
opportunities at healing to remain in a life of relative spiritual death
because it is too uncomfortable to change and too comfortable to remain the way
they are.

Enter God.

God creates the miracle of healing—a miracle we may not
believe is possible—when we truly own and honour the truth about ourselves;
those things we cannot change but have to accept, if we are to move on to the fullness
we are anointed by God to enjoy.

God does this inexplicably,
unfathomably, but, just as much, irrefutably.

As soon as we approach the truths
in our lives and we don’t run, but we stand there and face them, by honouring
these truths, God honours us by a miracle of healing.

Running is forlorn. It is
listening to the devil and taking heed of erroneous advice; very often what our
minds are up to is a delusion of doubt, of seclusion within those sinister
truths, and of self-protection, when to run actually exposes the self, and doesn’t protect it.

Our job in life—in the emotional
and relational rub of life—is to detect where in our hearts our hurts draw near
from. Where do they speak to us and cause us to fear? Why is it so? And why are
we to fear this fear?

Openness to truth usually reveals
it to not contain much fear at all, though we should never downplay the
seriousness of our hurts. The seriousness of our hurts and the action of
approaching them are two separate things. The former will cause much sorrow,
anger and grief, but the latter actually helps to soothe the sorrow, anger and
grief.

***

As soon as we approach the truths
in our lives and we don’t run, but we stand there and face them, by honouring
these truths, God honours us by a miracle of healing. Facing life full frontal,
without fears for the past or trepidation in the present, is the way to the
abundant life everyone is called to enjoy.

Monday, March 25, 2013

What if we were to take the advice
above, literally, every single morning? Furthermore, what if we were to
instigate this approach—reflecting the freedom of being a beginner—every
lunchtime? And why would we stop there? Why not apply it every evening, as
well?

We still may not get it. Some may
say, “I am paid to be the
professional. How am I possibly to be a beginner?” Every good question is worth a good answer.
But many good questions miss the point.

The key point of life is our
approach to it in humility. In humbleness we can always be a beginner, no
matter how expert we are expected to be. In our interactions with people we
gain the best portion of credibility when we approach the task and the people
themselves with a healthy dose of authenticity verging on instinctive realness,
especially in our mistakes.

The beginner is always learning,
and we would be right if we were to determine life as a learning ground—because
it is.

Notwithstanding all the other
advantages in being a beginner in our minds and hearts, there is a symphony of
joy we experience in being free of a burdensome load in always having to know
it all.

Dealing with Our Pride Is Approaching
Joy

When we can grapple with being a
beginner we have no need to wrestle with protecting ourselves against
embarrassment and shame for failing in life. The beginner almost takes pride in
failing, because it is an opportunity for learning. The beginner knows they are
constantly learning, because they are real in their failure. The beginner knows
the courage in being real.

Life experienced this way means
that there is very little to lose in terms of protecting a façade. Especially
in churches we typically wear our façades on Sundays and we protect them well.

But God has something far better
in mind.

We are better to approach life
without such a façade. Being real from within ourselves, we can afford to be a
beginner. And there are so many fields of endeavour in life where we will
always be a beginner. But even as an authority, we can learn the simplest of
things from the novice.

***

As there is wisdom in beginning,
there is also wisdom in being a beginner. But far more of the advantage is the
reconciliation of joy.

When we have no longer have any reason
to protect our pride, not being fearful of being found out as a phoney, we have
more peace and, therefore, more joy about us.

There is strength in admitting we
don’t know, because we abide by the truth. When we no longer need to hold up a
façade, the door to joy is opened to us. The easiest way to sublime joy is to
be real with ourselves regarding what we know and don’t know. It is abiding to
the truth that propels us to myriad virtue, and, in this case, to joy.

Being troubled is a common human
state. And doubting the path we are on, or at least the path we have found
ourselves on, is so natural and normal. We really do not trust God as much as
we are told we should. Then finally the truth bares itself: we are eventually
led to a good place as we continually repel the desire to turn back because of
our doubting.

Our thinking is a
forwards-backwards land of operations in the cognitive realm.

Doubting becomes us, and generally
at the least helpful at times. But doubting has a role in testing the tenacity
of our willingness to go on; to continue on the path we feel we must choose to
follow. Perhaps God inflects our doubting in such a way as to force us to
reconsider our underpinning motives.

Doubting is reason enough to
review what we are about. Are we serious?

In this way, we can see the
valuable role that doubting plays. It’s as if God was saying, “Are you
really serious about this, and, if so, how serious are you?”

There is almost a sense of compulsion
that should lead us to recommit to the journey God has placed us on. On this
very track that is our destiny, God gives us ample opportunity to choose for it
or not. It’s our life and God wants us to own it. God gives us plenty of
opportunity to choose for it, to plan past regret, and to right the wrongs we
make of it. Glory to God that we are given millions of opportunities to turn
back.

The truth is the path leads
somewhere; not just anywhere, but somewhere.

And faith it is that leads us to
that place.

Burning with Purpose and Intention

Like the launch of a space
shuttle—a series of projects and operations so intricately planned—we are on
the countdown of our lives. When we see life as a journey toward a
destination—to reach somewhere—we have purpose about us and the intention is
focused. As the engines propelling us on our way rev up, they push us through
the doubting, as if doubting were a sound barrier, as we continually monitor
the status of our ship on every step of the journey.

Life is a journey and we gather
purpose by the intention to travel.

There is no purpose in not
travelling. But when we are committed to travelling, even on the bumpiest of
rides, when doubting is stricken with threat, we have enough intention to blast
through the doubting.

***

We are on the very journeys of our lives. We ought to never
doubt our lives are leading somewhere good. As we push past our doubting in
faith we go on in our journey toward the blessing that God has destined for us.
God bids us: “Keep going!”

Sunday, March 24, 2013

“Life ultimately means taking the
responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfil the tasks
which it constantly sets for each individual.”

— Dr. Viktor Frankl (1905–1997)

Without any shred of doubt life is
not life automatically because we live and breathe. No, life has a spiritual
quality that only some partake in. Many take the common road, which is laden
with the appearance of ease, but is indeed tougher than it needs to be. Few
take the road less travelled. And few of the many actually see the advantage in
how the few live.

God gives people exactly what they
want. Where a person insists on their own way, God insists they should have
that freedom—a freedom to choose for bondage.

Life’s number one task—the chief
objective—is to assess one’s way and make proper passage, one decision at a
time. We all have our problems, as we all have our tasks. Assessment is the
first step in making a plan and executing it. By our assessment of things we
determine the passage we are to take, and then all we need is courage to act.

It Is a Hard Road to the Easy Life

We live in a life of opposite
parameters. We act in one way and we inevitably redeem what we sow, but we are
quickly fooled by impure motives.

When we seek the easy life, we end
up with a hard life. Yet, when it is our principle to live diligently and
morally, which is to the many the longer and harder life, we set ourselves up
in the reliability of blessing.

When we learn the lesson that
taking responsibility for our lives is blessed, we open a hard gate to the
easier life. Living for God may not be the easy life, but it is easier than living without God, simply for the fact
that living for the truth provides peace And true freedom, but a freedom that
is exacted by a commitment to pay the price that life requires us to pay.

Life is life and there is no
better way than to receive.

When we meet the truth of life,
and we commit to life beyond our anxious fears, we allow the truth to speak
power into our lives. When we live in a way that meets our problems and
wrangles with our tasks, not shirking our responsibilities, we are ready to be
blessed by God.

***

Our problems and our tasks are our responsibility. We cannot
delegate this responsibility. How great it is, then, that we have a
compassionate God who gives us not what we cannot handle. Our destiny is to
execute our responsibilities; to take the road less travelled.

Friday, March 22, 2013

There comes a time in all
our lives when the pace of life overwhelms us to a point where we either
consider or decide upon giving up.

Whether life is structured
in such a way as to be chaotic or not is, in some ways, beside the point. We
can decide to restructure our lives where we have control, but where we don’t,
we need to make the best of a poor situation. And poor prospects diminish and
trash our hope.

Apart from being assertive
enough to say no to things that we are committed to but we don’t need to do, we need encouragement to not
give up when we think we must. Such a challenge is the material of faith.

Drawing upon Wisdom and Courage

Just as it takes wisdom to
discern what we are purposed to do and what we aren’t, it takes courage to say
no, on the one hand, and to keep stepping forward on the other.

Once our decisions are
made all we need is the courage to act and continue acting.

If we are committed to the
things we are troubled by, our commitment will convict our courage, and we will
have the strength, somehow, to continue on. Others may see this strength and
marvel.

Drawing upon wisdom and
courage is always inspirational to others, but we ourselves may not notice
because we are too close to stressful matters.

If we can pray, asking God
for the courage to act and continue acting, God will give us the faith to do
just that. By praying we have the opportunity of surrender; to give ourselves
over, in a fresh way, to God. Indeed, the very act of praying is an act of
surrender, because we are communing and in communing we admit we cannot do this
thing on our own.

That can be an enormous relief.

Drawing upon wisdom and
courage is sharing our plight with God and trusted others, with the intent of
listening for the later mode of application.

We seek help so we can
act, and in acting we derive empowerment.

The Moment God Comes Through for Us

About the time we are to
break, and perhaps then some, the Lord comes through for us, often in the most
surprising of ways.

It is a biblical truth (Psalm
30:5) that we may be so forlorn that we might weep ourselves to sleep, and then
be surprised to experience a spiritual relief upon awakening.

When we hold out for God
in our faith, we give the Lord of our lives ample opportunity to intervene. We
don’t hold God to ransom, and God will not rescue us before time. But we are to
be encouraged that God comes to deliver us just in time. We know this as we look back and
consider his faithfulness.

***

When things get the point
of overwhelming us there is nothing better than faith. Faith takes us just one
more step, and then one more, and so on. With faith we can keep going, but
wisdom inevitably tells us when to stop. We need the right balance of faith and
wisdom.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

“Bodily haste and exertion usually leave our
thoughts very much at the mercy of our feelings and imagination.”

— Mary Ann Evans (a.k.a. George Eliot, 1819–1880)

Besides the technical term, which
is often used in the caring professions for carers who burn out, we can see
compassion fatigue in everyday life through the mode of supposedly caring too
much; if at all that is the reality.

It is a fact, however, that so
many of us care so much about life that we constantly push ourselves to the
point of burnout, having been drawn in to the intricate web and commotion of myriad
activity. It is certainly the anxiously attached that are most prone; those
high achievers who desperately seek a sense of belonging. It seems an irony,
then, to understand that those who care most are those who try the hardest and
end up pushed beyond their capacity.

Those who care most are most
susceptible to compassion fatigue.

It helps to understand that we,
the carers in society, need to protect and provide for our mental process,
because it underpins our emotional process, which supports our spiritual
process.

Understanding the Importance of Mental
Process

As the quote above alludes to, the
denigration into fatigue of our thought process means we end up vulnerable to
our feelings and imagination. When fatigue is matched with the imagination it
is never a positive result. The imagination coveted by fatigue paints by broad
brushstrokes of fear. Instead of our thoughts influencing our feelings, which
is the way it should be in retaining emotional control, our feelings begin to
ride roughshod over our thoughts. Our thinking sinks into the mode of dilemma.

Our mental process is the clue to
our emotional process.

We can lose control mentally for
instances here and there without much of a problem; without losing control
emotionally. But if we push too hard, and, being out of control mentally is
more the rule than the exception, we learn to accept operating out of chaos.
Things steadily get worse.

We have allowed our thinking
processes to be compromised so much our feelings then come to the fore—through
anger, pity, complaint, etc—and we have learned to stop being so disciplined in
our thinking.

Our emotional world hinges on our
mental world, just as our spiritual world hinges on our emotional world.

If we have adequate scope
regarding our thinking processes, and we don’t feel pressured emotionally, we
have a much better chance of staying in control and averting the disaster of
compassion fatigue.

***

It’s not a bad thing to care; indeed it is good. But we are
useless to the people we care for if we get burned-out. We are much better off
working within known limits, yes, even at the risk of disappointing people.

A safe thought life provides for a stable emotional life, just
as a stable emotional life provides a meaningful and fulfilling spiritual life.
The best way to battle compassion fatigue (supposedly, caring too much) is to
restore balance to the thought life.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

“To be a spiritually healthy person you have
to be an emotionally healthy person.”

— Rob Furlong

What happens when you get 45 men
in a room with a pastor and a counsellor to discuss sex and relationships over
a meat pie and a can of Coke?

Answer: a lot of
education, connecting fellowship, and encouragement.

What follows are some of my
thoughts from the notes taken from a Sex and Relationships “Real Men Pie Night.”

Pornography

Sex is sacred and pornography
devalues what is sacrosanct.

The commonest problem men are
dealing with is pornography, and, to a lesser extent, burnout—both physical and
spiritual. Because pornography is so accessible these days—one mouse click
away—more and more men (and more women for that matter) are becoming entrapped
by pornography.

Among the many dangers involved in
pornography is the pressure it places on men’s partners; women who feel under
pressure to look like and perform like the porn stars.

It’s amazing how many Christian
men struggle with pornography, but almost every one of them believes they are
alone. It is the oldest lie of the devil to isolate us in such ways.

Interestingly, pornography is not so
much about sex, as it’s much more to do with our own story—what we, as persons,
have not recovered from. Dealing with our pasts—being honest about them with
trusted others—helps to heal us.

Dealing with the problem of
pornography probably best begins with therapy, and possibly group therapy. The
best thing we can do, in our struggle with pornography, is to be open and
honest with a trusted friend, and ask that friend to pray with us.

Openness and honesty are the keys.

The only real exception to
complete openness and honesty is timing and wisdom with our wives in declaring
our problems. Our wives are not to be burdened with being our accountability
partners. A bit like Step 9 of AA’s 12-Step Program, where, amends is to be
made, it defeats the purpose if our amends injures the person we want God to
heal. We must pray for wisdom and discernment about the details. But we should
tell them, somehow, we have a problem that we’re dealing with.

Men’s and Women’s Identities

Just as the quote at top says, men
have learned to lose confidence in their male identity. We may struggle with
viewing ourselves as on the one hand, dangerous, but, on the other hand, soft.
Our lack of male identity is often caused at a societal level, but it was
learned and is reinforced all the more from our families of origin.

Men’s overriding psychology about
their masculinity is about, “do I have what it takes?” Women’s overriding
psychology about their femininity is about, “do you (my man) delight in me.”

If the man’s identity is to
treasure his woman, that he makes her the object of his affection, he bridges
the gap between him and her.

The Sex Relationship

It’s critically important for men
to understand that their women need to be treated with the utmost respect. If a
woman isn’t respected she may be characteristically reviled by the thought of
sex. Men tend to not understand this and wonder why they have unfulfilling
sexual relationships. The sexual relationship between a married couple is a
good representation of the overall relationship. If the sex is good it probably
means that the woman feels safe, cherished, and respected in the marriage.

A man cannot grow in intimacy with
his wife unless he is prepared to devote his whole sexual life to her alone. He
must be not just physically faithful, but mentally and spiritually faithful as
well. Intimacy ignites passion as a slow but reliable flame.

Where there is a disparity between
the libidos of a husband and his wife, where characteristically the husband’s sexual
drive is higher, he may be able to engage sexually with her present in ways
that she doesn’t need to be actively involved.

But wherever a wife is involved
sexually the husband needs to pay caring attention to what leads up to the
sexual event. Sex, at least for the woman, begins in the brain. Women are not interested in sex
when the relationship is poor. It is up to men, and the onus is on us, to build
intimacy with our wives.

Furthermore, it may be a stretch
for a man to understand what it might be like to have a body that is sexually
penetrated. A man finds it difficult to imagine how vulnerable a woman must be
to allow a man to enter into her body. The sex act needs to be creative, not
rushed, and not mechanical.

As men we need to treat our women
as they should be treated: with the utmost respect.

Lastly, it is of real value for a
woman to understand that a man feels rejected deeper down when he isn’t getting
sex. But the first onus is on the man to ensure his wife is happy; that she is
being loved and respected unconditionally.

Acknowledgement: a special vote of thanks and gratitude for Pastors Rob Furlong
and Aaron Bradfield, who were a beautifully complementary team as part of an
expert panel providing the above wisdom, and to Pastor Anthony Palmieri for his
“Pie Night” vision.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Never condemn a man who has
undergone an anointing of transformation—God’s very hand is on his life.

It is amazing how people will
continue to remember the old man—the person caught inexorably in the web of
their sin. What they had become defined for continues to define them, for some
people, for the rest of their lives. It is important that the new man moves on
and away from such people, for such people are not surrendered to God as far as
he in his life is concerned. They can do him no benefit.

We need to understand that God is
in the business of rebuilding and reshaping lives—of redeeming the worst of
us—and we all have that ‘worst’ side that needs to be dealt with.

The Process of True Conviction

Where a man, or a woman for that
matter, truly gives their life toward true conviction—to proclaim themselves
guilty as charged, and are sent bent upon repentance—they will
be rebuilt.

God’s miraculous nature pours into
such a life through the Holy Spirit.

Everything is turned upside down
in the grandest refurbishment at soul scale. What was once so hard now becomes
hardly ever easier. And what was so simple before—the entrapping temptation or
the preponderance of vice—now becomes hard because of aversion. The flow of
life is now with God. Reversing this is not an option.

True conviction drives a man to
change. Where there is true conviction God will not stop in the pouring out of
his Spirit into that life. Where conviction melds with the Presence of God
there we have a divine union toward change.

True life change is about true
conviction of heart towards that change. What might have been tried a thousand
times beforehand, without success, now becomes a reality.

The man who is truly convicted by
the Spirit of God is made a new creation overnight. And God will not have that
man—a man of God—condemned.

Are we to dispute with God?

Let’s Be Careful Who We Condemn

God gives us no role to condemn
anyone. It is a trick of the devil to get into that territory. No matter the history
with anyone, God can purge that history, and make that person a new one, wiping
the slate clean!

The more open we are to the
miracles of God the more we will see them. And the most resplendent of miracles
are those that occur in a person, or within a relationship.

What God rebuilds let no man or
woman split asunder.

***

What God rebuilds becomes
literally a new creation. With true conviction by the person concerned, God can
do anything in anyone’s life. God can rebuild anyone. Indeed, this is what God
does—and has always, from eternity to eternity.

Monday, March 18, 2013

“Be strong and courageous; do not be
frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

—Joshua 1:9 (NRSV)

Jump from the burning building to
a certain death or die from fire—not much of a choice in living your last
moments. Courage can be a thing of life and death. What else could prevail?

As relatives and friends consider
the obvious stark gravity that was laid before the victims of the September 11,
2001, attacks they are compelled to redefine courage by those terms. When death
is imminent there’s no going through the motions.

Courage comes to the fore when
adrenaline shoots through the veins of crisis. With no choice, the
geographically forlorn resolved to do, that horrible day, what we cannot even
contemplate. Each one is a hero or heroine.

Do Not Veer Off Course

The central theme of early Joshua
is obedience as an ally to conquest. If the nation of Israel were prepared to obey the
law, not turning to the left or the right of it, the Lord would bless their strength and courage.

Journeying through this book on
the way to the Promised Land we find that strength and courage were absolute
necessities. Not many of us could understand the clear and present danger in
their context. Our lives are not typically threatened daily, and our conquests
are generally mild and self-apportioned. We get away, generally, with
disobedience.

Courage and obedience come
together to the blessing of our plans in the Lord.

But beyond the blessing, courage
and obedience are still found entwined.

Our September 11 heroes and
heroines found themselves in this territory. Obedience had one line. No other
choice remained. Their courage, for simply being in that moment, will live on
as an indelible legacy.

The Provision of Courage – A Fact Of Life

No true hero is found that way by
intention.

Heroism is commonly found in the shrivelling
fearful, but those without a choice; the way of obedience made plain and
inevitable. This is why most people who are tagged “heroes” are that way reluctantly
so. At the time they had no choice, or they made a split-second choice. They
obeyed their instinct.

Courage comes as a necessity to
get through the most impossible situations life can deliver. Let us not assume
that because we are safely cocooned in our present lives that life will remain
that way.

If we were thrust into a situation
where alternatives to courage were to all but dry up, the Lord would then provide the courage to
get through. Let us be thankful if we’ve never experienced this, not fearful
for the possibility of it in the future, and prepared in any case.

***

We will have the capacity for
strength and courage when we need it. God will see to that. At these times,
obedience is predictable but, nonetheless, commendable. We should revere the memory
of the September 11 heroes and heroines who epitomised unenviable courage and
obedience.

Strength and courage form an
unconquerable alliance with the Presence of God. God’s Presence is with us
always, and, when we add our strength and courage to continue onward, we have
everything we need to faithfully endure.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

I went to visit with a 91-year-old
lady in a palliative care wing of a hostel for the elderly recently. When I
reported to reception, an administration staff member, Morag, greeted me and,
in a second, the colour drained from her face. “Mrs. Jones passed away
earlier this hour,” she said,
bringing me the news and monitoring my reaction at the same time. (I had called
by telephone a few days earlier, so we were mutually aware that I was now
literally “too late.”)

I was granted access to Mrs.
Jones’s room, so I could pray with the body and thank God for Mrs. Jones’s
life. I prayed also for the family; the only members of which I knew had to
come from interstate. I was grateful I could pray. Afterwards, as I drove back
to the church, I thought about her life, her probable exposure to the
Depression, World War II, and the fact that, without much doubt, she would have
lost family and friends to that six-year conflict, and endured the post-war
rationing period.

Even though I had never met Mrs.
Jones before, I realised God was allowing me to grieve her loss, because I was
thankful for her life and allowed God to spread within my mind some vision for
what Mrs. Jones’s life may probably have become.

***

There are two separate functions
within recovery from loss—grief and gratitude.

For those who grieve, they
vacillate in their loss from grief to gratitude, and back and forth again—if
they are in touch with God, for God allows each of us a brief respite, where we
journey with him in the truth of our loss, but with shreds of thankfulness in
our hearts.

Grief and gratitude can coexist;
they often do.

Those who grieve may be confused
by these overwhelming emotions and stability of mind and heart may seem a
distant objective. Still, through the stormy seas of the present season we sail,
in a little boat called “Intrepid,” and though we are tossed and turned as if
in a washing machine, we do come out washed on the other side.

Allowing Both States – Grief and
Gratitude

Allowing both states of grief and
gratitude to come and go as they wish is the maturity of grace over us.

We do need encouragement, and
through both there is encouragement.

In grief we are encouraged that we
are doing the work required of us in forging the new identity. Though it is
excruciating, there is a great deal of growth we are embracing in sitting with,
and allowing, our grief.

In gratitude, these moments of
respite, we learn to draw on the comfort of God, as we realise how special it
is to have these memories; how special it was to have had these experiences.

***

In loss, both grief and gratitude
come and go as if through a swinging door. Such instability may leave us
confused, even overwhelmed. But God’s grace can help us as we allow grief and
gratitude their ‘visiting’ times. There is a reliable semblance of peace
through God’s grace in our grief.