Introducing Natalie from QU. Just straight pretty. Like just a real pretty girl. No other way to describe it. Do you know any smokes who need to get smoked and party for free? Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com

CBS – Maybe it’s not the state’s most pressing problem, but there are now two competing bills on Beacon Hill that would designate the state’s official rock song. Democratic representatives Josh Cutler of Duxbury and James Cantwell of Marshfield have filed legislation that would make Aerosmith’s ‘Dream On’ the official state song. This comes up as supporters of Jonathan Richman and The Modern Lovers’ push for a song called “Roadrunner” to get the nod. The lyrics of Roadrunner allude to Mass. locations such as Route 128 and in one line say “I’m in love with Massachusetts.” Aerosmith, which is one of the most successful bands in American music history, got their start in Boston and several members now live on the South Shore.

Good to see the reps on Beacon Hill are tackling the hard hitting issues. An official state song is just what we need. I’m not sure how Mass even made it this far without one. But if we are going to do this let’s do it right. First of all, I’ve never even heard of that Roadrunner song in my life. Am I supposed to know that one? Is it famous or something? And our other option is Dream On? Meh. I mean I don’t hate that song, but I don’t love it either. Here are the only songs that should be in the discussion.

Dirty Water

Dirty Water

Dirty Water

Dirty Water

Dirty Water.

If we’re going to have a state song that has to be it right? I mean Shipping Off To Boston is great, but it’s too new. It has to be Dirty Water. Has to be.

(Vienna) – The employees of a fast food restaurant at Gasometer (Vienna) noticed a haggard man, who was wandering around yesterday (Sun) around 7 a.m. There were stains of blood on his clothes. When policemen stopped Maciej P., he said that he was fine. The Polish man who smelled of alcohol and had clearly taken tablets was nevertheless taken to hospital. There, the doctors discovered that his penis and testicles had been surgically removed. “The victim was questioned briefly after the surgical treatment. He cannot recall what had happened”, said spokesperson of the police Adina Mircioane.

The other morning I woke up and couldn’t find my phone anywhere. Went into absolute panic mode. It wasn’t on my nightstand, wasn’t in my bed, wasn’t in my jeans from the night before. Wasn’t anywhere. As I searched the house I was absolutely dreading having to call AT&T and head over to the Apple store and get a new phone. It easily would have been a 3 hour inconvenience that would have cost me about 500 bucks. Kinda seems like I overreacted now, right? Nothing puts a missing iPhone in perspective like a missing dick and balls. Yeah it really sucks not getting to text your friends and check your Twitter for a day sucks but not being able to piss or have sex or be a man is decidedly worse. While iPhones are replaceable you really only get one shot with your penis.

Kentuckysportsradio – Gary Thompson has a mental disability and is confined to a wheelchair — at least that’s what he wants you to believe when he’s begging for money. In reality, Thompson is a fraud, raking in $60,000-$100,000 per year (so he says) by panhandling in Lexington. The friendly, recognizable face from some of Lexington’s most popular shopping centers was exposed this week for his money-making scam, but that doesn’t mean he’s slowing down. Thompson told LEX 18′s Kristen Pflum he’s “the best” at what he does and plans to continue doing it as long as he’s making money. The maximum penalty for begging is only ten days in jail, so the only way to really stop Thompson from profiting off the generous people who believe his story is to get the real story out there. Even then, he’ll likely just move on to the next city and prey on the next bunch of oblivious good Samaritans.

What can you say about this guy? I wanted to hate him, but I can’t. Just absolute no shame in his fake retarded person game. He actually disarmed me with his lack of remorse or embarrassment about it. “Just like okay you caught me…so what? Now get out of here and let me do my thing”.

The Hour – Mike Hvizdo should be coaching on Saturday, plain and simple. But he won’t be. A little more than two weeks ago, Officially, for now, word is that because more than a decade ago, Hvizdo was a featured player in a movie short titled “Forbidden Fruit,” a raunchy nine-minute comedy film which included plenty of vulgar language and a sexually graphic theme (but no nudity), the powers that be at Weston High School decided there was no way Hvizdo could lead young men anymore.

To anybody on the outside looking in, of course, this entire incident reeks of nothing short of a modern day witch hunt. And, of course, this is the United States of America in the Year 2013, so you know where it all starts — the disgruntled parent. As reported in The Weston Forum newspaper, “a general consensus among the school basketball community was that a parent brought the issue to the school’s attention.”According to multiple sources with connections to the Weston High athletic program, this parent(s) was upset with the way their son was being treated as a WHS basketball player, and the inquiry into Hvizdo’s’ past was nothing more than a blatant attack with the sole goal of getting the coach removed. The disgruntled parent(s) reportedly didn’t want to approach Weston athletic director Mark Berkowitz for fear that nothing would be done. Instead, they bypassed the chain of command and instead sent an e-mail to those higher up than the athletic wing.

As for the movie itself, one thing must be said. This is not some random stupid amateur movie that Hvizdo did in college, something that was placed on YouTube and lost until somebody could find it and then use it to attack him in the future. Hvizdo dabbled in acting in his 20s and both the coach and the movie in question can be found easily on IMDB.com — the International Movie Data Base. The film was directed by Steve Moremarco, a graduate of the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television. Moremarco has worked on films, including “School of Rock” starring Jack Black and Miranda Cosgrove, and television shows like “Everybody Hates Chris” and the former NBC hit show “ER.”

To the credit of the guy who wrote this article he basically said everything I would have said. Just crucified the school for being cowards and he’s obviously right. This is a new low even for school administrators. I mean parents hiring a PI to dig up dirt on a coach because they are unhappy with little Johnny’s playing time? And then the school firing him because he was in a movie 10 years ago which appears to be a legit attempt to be an actor? That makes sense. My only confusion with this story is why this family even bothered wasting money with the Private investigator? After all it’s a known fact that parents can anonymously complain about a coach nowadays and instantly get him fired without cause. You don’t need a reason. You don’t need to make shit up. Schools have a zero tolerance policy against complaints. IE if one kid on the team thinks he should be the starting point guard and he’s not the coach can get fired. I wish I was exaggerating but I’m not. Every kid has to be 100% happy with everything or else the coach isn’t doing his job. To quote Don King…Only in America.

PS – I know I publish like 5 Pussification of America stories per day. I know it probably gets old. Guess what? I don’t care. Because wherever there is injustice, you will find me. Wherever there is pussification, I’ll be there. Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find… Davey Pageviews!

Ron Borges – Before my colleague Gerry Callahan finishes elevating Tom Brady to Mother Teresa status, one needs to know what the contract extension Brady just signed really says. It will take a few days before those details are available (leaked, that is), but the idea that Brady agreed to a massive pay cut over the next two seasons for the good of the team is more than likely unlikely… More than likely the numbers that eventually emerge from this latest charitable act will reveal Brady actually netted a short-term gain plus more guaranteed money while allowing the team to cook the books to turn a projected $43.6 million cap hit over the next two seasons into $28.6 million, a $15 million savings in cap money.

Knowing the Patriots, this will be trumpeted all over the league as Brady taking less money to allow the club the flexibility to sign the talent needed to win another Super Bowl. The club will then try to use this as a cudgel to convince Wes Welker, Sebastian Vollmer, Aqib Talib and visiting free agents to accept less “like Tom” to give them the best chance of winning… According to Forbes, Gisele Bundchen was ranked eighth on Hollywood’s highest-paid women’s list last year, earning an estimated $45 million. In 2011 she and Brady were said to have a combined income of $76 million, making them the highest-paid celebrity couple in the world… So when Welker or Vollmer… hears “Tom took less,” he should do two things immediately. First, ask the NFLPA if “less” actually meant more in the short term for Brady. Then he should ask his wife what she makes. That might put the Mother Teresa aspect of Brady’s apparent largesse into perspective.

Frigging priceless. The latest example of the few remaining holdouts of a bygone era still trying to fight a battle they lost a long time ago. Every football pundit in America, from Callahan to Peter King to the panel on NFL Net this morning and everywhere in between is lauding Brady for what he did. Holding him up as the dictionary definition of a team guy. A leader. Someone who values winning above all else and will do whatever it takes to get another ring. Everyone, that is, but the bitter, axe-grinding wretches in the Boston media like Ron the Plagiarist here. His storyline hasn’t changed in 20 years and he’s not about to start now. Mr. Kraft is a greedy plantation owner. Belichick is his evil overseer. Together they to abuse and exploit their workers. Anyone who signs a deal with them is an idiot. Anyone who holds out or leaves for free agency is Django Unchained. It doesn’t matter that they’ve signed guys to the biggest contract ever (Brady) the biggest deal ever for a tight end (Gronk) for a defensive tackle (Wilfork) or an interior offensive lineman (Mankins). Ctrl+C Borges has his agenda and he’s sticking to it.

So now the one guy who could put himself above the team and get away with it chooses instead to take way less than he deserves to help keep them winning, and even that’s a negative. Brady’s getting scammed. Or allowing himself to be used as a PR move. Or worse, he’s part of Mr. Kraft’s conspiracy to keep the workers oppressed because what the hell, his wife is rich so what does he care? Like since when is it any goddamned business of Borges or anyone else how much the Bradys are worth? Because Gisele is a savvy businesswoman somehow that means he’s expected to take less? Peyton Manning was born with a silver spoon in his mouth but I never remember him getting ripped every time he signed a max contract. BrettFavre was the richest guy in the game but unretired ten times and always for the most money he could get and all we ever heard was how he just loved the game so much he’d play for free. Now we’ve got a guy in Brady who is putting his literal money where his mouth is and the Old Guard bomb throwers in the Boston press try to make it out like this screws every other player on the team. Is he Mother Teresa? Of course not. She never had to put up with bullshit like this. @JerryThornton1

Out.com – Traditionally, college Greeks are an archetypally masculine institution—about as butch as the Boy Scouts. Pledging a fraternity and being inducted as a brother is often an arduous process, one that is meant to separate the men from the boys. But where does the LGBTQ community fit into this macho niche? Much like the world of professional sports, the world of campus Greek life is not often heralded as the epitome of acceptance.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, which is what makes this story out of Emerson College particularly heartwarming: brothers in Emerson’s Alpha Chapter of Phi Alpha Tau have come together to raise funds for a new brother’s FTM top surgery (full disclosure: I’m a member of the PAT fraternity and currently a junior at Emerson).

Earlier this year, Visual & Media Arts sophomore Donnie Collins pledged as a prospective brother to Phi Alpha Tau, the nation’s oldest professional communicative arts fraternity. An Alexandria, Virginia native, Collins didn’t come out as transgender until age 17 while attending a boarding school in Windsor, Conn.

Collins now has a college health insurance policy through Emerson, a policy, like so many others, that is trans-exclusionary. In a time when his options were running out, Collins’s brothers in Phi Alpha Tau have rallied together to cover some of the surgery’s cost. Find their indiegogo fund here: Brothers of A Boston Fraternity – FTM: Top Surgery. The brothers’ fund has already surpassed the $2,000 they initially hoped to donate, but now they’re looking to cover even more of the procedure’s $8,100 cost.

The brothers’ site says that they hope less to raise money with their efforts and more to spread acceptance, brotherhood, and love. “We are here… to tell a story.The story of transformation, the story of self-discovery, and the story of brotherhood.”

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anybody pat themselves on the backs more than Phi Alpha Tau. Just over the moon about how great they are for helping their transgender brother become a sister. Good for you guys. I’m glad you’re helping him out. Anyway times, they are a changing. Used to be that frats raised money for keggers and strippers, no they’re raising money to turn dicks into vaginas. Hey, it’s 2013. This is the world we live in. Honestly if you wanna get a sex change I really have no problem with that. People should be free to be guys or girls or combos or whatever they want. And it’s cool that he’s got such good friends who want to help him buy a cock. But a dicks and balls are something that I feel like you should earn. Charity is great, but are you really gonna appreciate it as much if all the money is handed to you instead of working for it? When I was a kid and I wanted something, my dad made me go to work with him and put in hours before I could get a new video game or whatever. It taught me about working for something you want. There seems to be this trend in society today that anytime someone wants a sex change and they can’t pay for it, people are supposed to just hand it to them. For instance, Brown is paying for them for all students. It’s like the first stop on the road to new genitalia is supposed to be outside funding. Like I said, if you wanna flop genders than be my guest, but the right way to do it is through hard work and perseverance and paying for it on your own dime. Then and only then will you truly appreciate a penis.

NYDailyNews - UPDATED: Brooklyn Assemblyman Dov Hikind says there was nothing offensive about donning blackface make-up and an Afro wig as part of a costume he wore for a Purim party he hosted this weekend, but his fellow lawmakers are calling it an outrage. “Yes, I wore a costume on Purim and hosted a party. Most of the people who attended also wore costumes. Everywhere that Purim was being celebrated, people wore costumes. It was Purim. People dress up,” “I am intrigued that anyone who understands Purim — or for that matter understands me — would have a problem with this,” he continued. “This is political correctness to the absurd. There is not a prejudiced bone in my body.” Hkind said the costume, which also included dark sunglasses and a bright orange jersey, was intended to be in “good fun” and that he was simply trying to emulate “sort of a black basketball player.” “You know, anyone who knows anything about Purim knows that if you walk throughout the community, whether it’s Williamsburg, Boro Park, Flatbush, Forest Hills, Kew Gardens Hills, people get dressed up in, you name it, you know, in every kind of dress-up imaginable.”

“It is racist,” City Councilman Charles Barron, a Brooklyn Democrat, told the Daily News this afternoon. “That is a bunch of crap. He is trying to justify his racism.” Barron added: “If he wanted to find somebody who [looked] strange, wild and crazy, he should look in the mirror. He didn’t have to pick on us.”

Everybody is all up in arms about this. I’m sure KFC is going to come riding in on his white horse with his white hood on and say something anti semitic about Dov Hikind. Listen do I condone blackface? No. But you got to understand Purim is Purim. Shit is wild. It’s like Ibaza, Mardi Gras and Carnival all rolled into one for God’s chosen people. So it’s only natural that shit gets a little weird. Sometimes a Jewish Brooklyn Assemblyman will dress in blackface as some sort of black basketball player in an outfit that doesn’t remotely look like a basketball uniform. It’s not meant to be offensive. It’s just what happens on Purim. Nothing is out of bounds. Anybody who knows anything about Purim knows that. Total non story.

Our first ever line of official St. Paddy’s day drinking shirts. Let me guess? The entire comment section hates every single one of these. When will I learn that selling tshirts is a gigantic waste of time and money. Yeah because that’s exactly what a mogul does. He spends the last decade selling shirts that don’t sell. What an idiot.

I know this is on the set of a movie. I don’t care. If you don’t think Leo layed pipe on all these bitches in one gigantic orgy with Jonah Hill spying on them from the closet you are nuts my friend. Nobody has life by the balls like Leo. Nobody. TIA.

PS – Whoever edited this deserves an Oscar for best soundtrack in a film. This was perfect.

This video has gone viral the last couple days. Bill Russell going coast to coast and doing a finger roll/lay up after taking off from the free throw line and seemingly capably of doing it from half court if he wanted. Just your typical 6’10 center I suppose.

Boston.com – The Fung Wah bus company has taken almost its entire fleet off the road following inspections by the state Department of Public Utilities that found structural cracks in 21 of the company’s 28 buses. The frame cracks, located in the drive axle, rear axle, engine cradle, and other locations, posed serious safety issues, said Ann Berwick, chairwoman of the utilities department. The DPU has referred the matter to the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration. Fung Wah voluntarily took the buses out of service Saturday evening and started running charter buses in their place, reducing its service between Boston and New York from every half hour to every hour, said Stephen Squibb, manager of South Station, where Fung Wah operates. The DPU has never pulled this many buses out of service, Berwick said. Fung Wah officials declined to comment.

I love how Fung Wah said they pulled the broken buses off the road. Yeah right they did. Listen if you believe that I got 20 pallets of Ball Don’t Lie shirts to sell you. Probably just put some white out over the name and didn’t break stride. I mean since when does the Fung Wah give a flying fuck that their buses have cracks in them. They’ve been driving with defective buses for the past 30 years. Just tearing down the MA Pike bursting into flames and shit. It’s like cannonball run every time they pull out of the station. I ain’t mad at them. When you charge a nickel to get from Boston to NYC you assume some risk. Death becomes in play. That’s what makes the Fung Wah the Fung Wah. Can you get from Boston to NY for 10 cents and without dying? That’s the beauty and terror of the Fung Wah and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I just felt like I had to make this known. I can’t stop thinking about that chick from this morning with Leonardo. I’m obsessed with her. I think it’s the bathing suit or something? Maybe it’s dat ass. I dunno? The only thing I know for sure is that I’ve felt it in my plums all day. Who is this broad? I demand to know.

WESH- He’s violated two women before in Central Florida, and now police say John Fabian is at it again.The 6 foot 10 inch felon has been arrested for attacking a jogger in a Melbourne park. Police say the woman was jogging by herself in Wickham Park, and she passed the suspect twice. As she jogged past alone, he yelled something, the victim said. The next time she passed, she saw him crouching in the bushes. And the third time, he stood up, said, “Hello. How are you?” and lunged for her. The woman got away but told police she was afraid he wanted to drag her into the bushes and kill her. “He’s 6 foot 10. He could have done anything he wanted to her,” said Sheridan Shelley of the Melbourne Police Department. Fabian has been convicted of victimizing two women in the past. In March 2008, Fabian broke into a neighbor’s house and hid in her shower, hoping to see her undress. In May of 2008, he grabbed a young mother in broad daylight on a popular part of Satellite Beach, and pulled off her swimsuit top as her 4-year-old son cried out in fear. He spent 13 months in prison for those crimes.

This guy kinda sucks at violating chicks, huh? First he hides in a neighbor’s shower to watch her undress, which is a strategy void of any escape plan. Next, he pulls off a woman’s bikini top in broad daylight with a ton of witnesses around. Obviously didn’t think that one through. And now his latest escapade involves jumping out of some bushes and trying to molest a jogger while using what is quite possibly the worst line to open a molesting with. “Hello. How are you?” Dude are you joking with that shit? One of the worst introductions to a rape I’ve ever heard. You have to set the tone and establish yourself as the dominant one. “Hello. How are you?” is no good. Makes you look like a pussy. No victim is going to respect you with that kind of game. You should’ve went with something like “Freeze! This is a rape!” Now your quarry knows you mean business. Like I always say, if you’re gonna hide in the shrubs and lunge at joggers then at least do it right.

I’m sure it’s going to be pretty easy for Beiber haters to make fun of this look. Say he looks like a character from Black Ops and is a total idiot. But guess what? Sometimes being a fashionista means taking bold risks. People used to think that Elvis’ cape, or MJ’s glove, or MC Hammer’s parachute pants looked ridiculous too. And now those items are all staples of American fashion.

Cornell Sun – The title of a philanthropic event held this week by the Pi Kappa Phi fraternity, in collaboration with all 12 Cornell sororities, caused some students, professors and administrators to criticize what they called its sexist overtones and resulted in the fraternity changing the name of the event. The event –– which was advertised with the title “Which Sorority Has the Best Water Jugs on Campus” –– encouraged each sorority to decorate a large water jug, which was then displayed Monday in the Robert Purcell Community Center and the Terrace Restaurant in the Statler Hotel. Passersby were encouraged to choose their favorite water jug and drop change into it to benefit Pi Kappa Phi’s philanthropic organization, Push America, which is dedicated to serving individuals with disabilities. On Monday morning, the row of sorority “jugs” was on display in the Terrace lobby, along with signs announcing the “jugs”-themed event. However, on Monday afternoon, the name of the event was changed to “Penny Wars” after some students and administrators expressed reservations about the title’s derogatory implications.

Some professors, students and members of the Women’s Resource Center also criticized the philanthropy event within the context of reports of sexual violence on campus. Ashley Harrington ’13, a member of the Women’s Resource Center advisory board, said the event’s name was unacceptable in its implied objectification of the women in each sorority. “Jugs become what these brilliant, beautiful, talented women are relegated to,” Harrington said. “It becomes even worse when money is involved. The better the sorority’s jugs, the more money they get for their philanthropy. In this [way], women become a commodity masked in the name of philanthropy.” Prof. Mary K. McCullough, feminist, gender and sexuality studies, similarly denounced the event as “pretty much straight-up juvenile and offensive,” but said she would have simply dismissed it as silly if not for her concerns about the event’s latent sexual implications. She added that the presentation of women as only the sum of their body parts, even if no offense is intended, can contribute to a sexually violent culture.“If you don’t think of women as complicated individuals with minds and bodies and spirits, then its easier to do things to them,” she said. “There are philanthropic efforts all over the world that don’t rely on racist or sexist or homophobic humor.”

What planet am I on? What are we even talking about here? We talking about practice? Hey assholes this is a fucking charity event. They are raising money for a good cause. We are talking about water jugs here. How does water jugs contribute to a sexually violent culture? How is this offensive? Is this professor really making the argument that by seeing a water jug guys will think women are actually inanimate objects and hence it’s easier to basically rape them? I think that’s what she’s saying right? Unbelievable. I swear these feminists are so far off the fucking reservation it’s not even funny. I mean they literally have lost all touch with reality. And the scariest part is they keep getting their way. Society keeps rewarding them for stomping their feet and screaming like little bitches till they get their way. Like the fact this charity actually changed their name makes me want to puke. Enough already! Do these wackballs realize how badly they are hurting real women’s advocacy causes? That by making a federal investigation out of issues like these they are trivializing real issues. That they make all feminists seem like they just escaped from the looney bin? Just shut the fuck up. Go suck a dick and enough life for once. It’s a fucking water jug!

PS – This is a quick shout out to Swampscott High Class of 95. Remember Penny Wars? Shit was the most intense week in the history of high school. Motherfuckers getting beaten up. Motherfuckers dropping hundos in our bucket to keep our class from winning. No dice. SHS athletics are back alive thanks to the class of 95.

I haven’t laughed out loud at something like that in a long time. That chick just went straight beat mode with that table. One vs. like fifty too. It’s like when a Giant attacks a village or something and all the normal people are shooting their slingshots trying to stop one monster. She’s taking chairs to the face, catching chairs and not even blinking.