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Published Tuesday June 2nd, 2009 at 7:35pm

Disclosure: I was put up for adoption on
the day of my birth by an unwed mother who could not care for me. I was
adopted three months later by a loving couple who provided the family
environment I could not have had otherwise. The system, such as it was,
worked for me: I've had my challenges, but clearly, I was one of the
lucky ones.

I
honestly don't even know where I stand. For me this is an emotional,
not a political or procedural question. I can tell you that it is a
kind of purgatory to wait for years before learning anything other than
the "non-identifying information" that was available to me as a young
adult in the early 90s. Not knowing who my birth parents were, what
became of them, and how I wound up at the mercy of the Children's Aid Society were questions that haunted me for years. From that point of view, more openness and less bureaucracy is a welcome change.

It's
sad but true that secrecy in the sixties, when I was born, (let alone
in the years prior) was the result of a level of social shame that I
hope we never see again. Today in Ontario and many other jurisdictions,
all adoptions are open adoptions, and that's probably a good thing. At
a minimum, knowing your genetic history can aid in monitoring your
health and preventing or managing hereditary conditions.

On
the other hand, sometimes secrets are kept secret for a reason. Having
gone through the process of searching for my birth parents under the
previous rules, having conversed with my birth father by phone and met my birth mother
in person, I can confirm that. Pregnant girls and women give children
up for adoption under many different circumstances. Seldom are they
happy ones. Nor does every child wind up in a happy home.

Many
adoptees wonder endlessly about their origins, as I did. Many
birth-parents worry endlessly about their offspring, as my birth-mother
did. Adoptive parents have their questions too. In an ideal world, we'd
put an end to the mystery in a way that left adoptees, their parents,
and their birth-parents all satisfied and happy.

In the real
world, information alone will not bring happiness or wholeness. That
takes hard work, self-knowledge, love, support, co-operation among all
parties, and plenty of resources. Again, I've been one of the lucky
ones, and I'm grateful.

I wish everyone who's diving into their gene pools at long last may be so lucky.