AwakenWithJP – How To Become Gluten Intolerant – Funny – With JP Sears

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[AwakenWithJP – How To Become Gluten Intolerant – Funny – With JP Sears]

ULTRA SPIRITUAL LIFE EPISODE 12: HOW TO BECOME GLUTEN INTOLERANT

[JP Sears:]Source: LYBIO.net
Being gluten intolerant is the hottest eating trend in the New Age community since we found out you don’t have to eat animals. Gluten is the new animal you don’t have to eat. Being gluten intolerant used to be limited only to those who are actually intolerant to gluten, but with a cutting-edge information I’m sharing with you in this video, you too can be gluten intolerant regardless if you’re truly intolerant to gluten or not.

Being gluten intolerant is a fantastic opportunity for you to assert your dominance on the lives of everyone around you which helps improve your life. So if you’re ready to have a ravenous appetite for impossible standards and dogmatic feelings of victimization. Then let’s get started on what you need to do to become gluten intolerant.

Be Restaurant Savvy

Be Restaurant Savvy. Go to regular restaurants and order after they’ve brought you exactly what you’ve ordered, you discovered there is gluten in it, this is the exact time you’ll want to profess your gluten free morals to waiter. Is there gluten in that pizza?

Yes.

I didn’t know that when I ordered it. I can’t eat that I’m gluten intolerant; it’s a condition you’re going to have to take that back.

Talk about your disgusting bodily functions

Tell people about your most disgusting bodily functions, being gluten intolerant means you’re entitled to tell people about the offensive things that happened to you if you eat gluten. Become they’re not gluten-free, they’re obligated by law to listen. I’ll get diarrhea on the spot. I mean I would literally explode right now, if I ate any gluten then I have bloody diarrhea everyday. No — I said bloody diarrhea, would did you think I said. These don’t have any gluten in them do they? I’m starting to get a headache I think those have gluten in them. Um….

Give expert medical advice

[JP Sears:]Source: LYBIO.net
Give expert medical advice. Once you take your gluten-free vows you will need to have an automatic understanding that every medical condition is caused by gluten. Depression; it’s always caused by gluten. Obesity; that’s a 100% gluten, every single case of cancer; is caused by gluten I swear gluten is what killed Gandhi.

Never let anyone’s efforts be good enough

Never let anyone’s efforts be good enough for you. If you’re at a friend’s house and they’ve gone out of their way and think they’ve met the Da Vinci code of your gluten-free demands, they’re not trying to be friendly. They’re trying to overthrow your reign of control and dominance. You can’t let this happen.

You’ll want to play their trump card of another food intolerance you’ve never told them about before. This puts you back in the driver’s seat.

This is all 100% gluten-free.

That’s so nice of you, thank you. It doesn’t have any dairy in it, does it? Because I can’t eat dairy either.

Know your nutritional facts

Know your nutritional facts. Since being gluten-free is a nutritional philosophy based entirely on what not to eat. You don’t know what you’re actually supposed to eat. This means you have zero knowledge of what good nutrition actually is but don’t worry about that, to fill this small little loop hole, you will need to preach with conviction that anything that has no gluten in it is healthy for you.

You want some, it’s gluten-free, you eat it you’ll be amazed if you want them, so good for you. Don’t I look more vibrant from these? It’s like my bones are getting stronger.

Pretend to enjoy gluten free alternatives

Pretend to enjoy gluten-free alternatives. Let’s say you find a new gluten-free bread, how are you supposed to enjoy this coagulation of mysterious flours that form a break with density of a black hole in the dryness of the dessert, answer — you’re not. You’re supposed to pretend to. This is like paying your membership dues to belong to the high society of being gluten intolerant.

How was it?

This is enjoyable. Can I have a glass of water?

Condescendingly enjoy new gluten discoveries

Condescendingly enjoy new gluten discoveries. When you learn of a new food they has trace amount of gluten in it enjoy the renewed sense of purpose the floods into your life, while you sit on top of your moral high ground made out of rice flour, did you know they are putting gluten in potato chips. I didn’t know that. Glad I’m informed.

Seclusion makes gluten healthier

Seclusion makes gluten healthier. Understand that when no ones around you somehow becomes less gluten intolerant. How does this happen? Well based on medical evidence that’s yet to be discovered there is a direct correlation between how many people are around and how gluten intolerant you’re.

Continuously read gluten free books

Continuously read books that advocated gluten-free lifestyle, you do this even though you know the plot, the moral of the story and how the book ends before you even start it. You’ll want to avidly stay abreast and how the latest author takes 300 pages to say don’t eat gluten. It is such a good book, and I can’t went to get all these.

Rave about your results

Rave about your results. At this point, you’re just mindlessly resiting the results you’ve had since you’ve been gluten-free so that you can justify your nutrition and dogma. What if you haven’t seen any improvements; no problem, just make some up, nobody will know the difference or care.

My abs have gotten razor sharp since I have been gluten-free – big time, I mean seriously, I don’t know if this is from no gluten or if you photoshop these things on me. At this point your armed to live a good life being gluten intolerant, enjoy it.

[JP Sears:]Source: L Y B I O . N E T
My head hurts so bad, I think there is definitely gluten in those chips. Ah….

Not being subscribe to my channel, is a severe condition caused by gluten, be sure to cure yourself by subscribing.

AwakenWithJP – How To Become Gluten Intolerant – Funny – With JP Sears. Did you know they are putting gluten in potato chips. I didn’t know that. Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue, Remarks, Saying, Quotes, Words And Text.