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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Labor of Love

There was no real reason for the single tear that rolled silently down my cheek. It escaped as though it had a mission of great purpose. I bit down on my lower lip in an effort to stop the sob I felt building somewhere deep, deep, within me. Damn. What was this I cursed softly to my self, swallowing hard to keep whatever it was that was overcoming me contained. Ardently fighting sadness , to not alarm Josiah, who played on his iPad only feet from where I stood at the kitchen sink. I sat the dish I had been rinsing gently down on my drying rack. I looked out my wall of windows that overlooked our lake. My eyes followed a trail of white Lilly pads to the small island now over grown with nature. I did not have any new crisis or old for that matter -invading my world. In fact I had no drama in my life, to even share, with anyone. I wiped at my moist cheek and looked over to where Josiah sat in his power chair. His smile was so joyful. I studied his weakened posture as he busily tapped away at his screen. As if on cue another tear, crept slowly, out of the corner of my eye.

It was silly of me to even try to ignore the emotions that were rapidly advancing. I was simply no match to the flood gates that once again were opening the entry into my memories, lost dreams and hopes. It was after all Labor Day weekend once more. I did not need a telethon on television to cling to. There would not be one this year helping me ride out my waves of explosive fear and anguish. There really was nothing new for me to face. The reality was relentless, Duchenne the monster in my world, has been present since my earliest memory and most likely will be apart of my last thoughts. We are so connected I can only try to imagine life without its devastating effects and can only hope to know one day a world with out its existence.