JWoww Turned Down Playboy

Seen here at Mad River Bar & Grille in Philadelphia last night – *remembers to blow up every bridge between Pennsylvania and New Jersey* – JWoww has reportedly turned down a $400,000 offer to pose nude for Playboy despite being custom-built for it in the back of a van. Via The Huffington Post:

“I am not going to do Playboy in the near future,” she told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Wednesday. “There is a better opportunity out there, which everybody will probably see soon.”
JWoww refused to reveal what the better opportunity is, and was cagey when asked whether she’ll be doing a spinoff with Snooki, who may star in her own dating show.

JWoww goes on to reveal she moved in with Snooki, so obviously the two are getting a spinoff which raises an interesting question: What in the hell could posing for Playboy possibly hurt? You’re talking about two people who infect an entire coast with gonorrhea on cable television, yet somehow tasteful nudity might be over the line? C’mon, even Heidi Montag was allowed to do it. Granted, she didn’t show anything, that’s only because she doesn’t have any nipples. Apparently the one thing duct tape can’t do is bond pepperonis to human skin to create a photo-realistic effect. There had to be something.

WHAT? $34 dollars for a pair of Jeans?! Whose balls do you think you have rolling between the waffle iron here? For that price I’ll just wash the old ones that the neighbor’s kids pissed on when I was playing Santa Clause last year.

Hey! Fish! How about a post honoring Bob Guccione?? I spent a great deal of time alone with that man’s empire teaching myself how to be the massive heterosexual male that I am.

I realize that now that you are out and proud that Bob Guccione may not register with your senses as much as the sight of Gavin Rossdale frollicking shirtless in a pair of white bell bottoms but how’s about you pretend that you are in a time machine and you go back to a point in time when you were “straight” (Or at least pretending to be.) and women everywhere had pubic hair and give us a tribute and a picture essay of a guy who was a bad ass dude in his day.

Honor thy forefathers Fish (That is before you signed up for your subscription of Real Simple Magazine and started worshipping at the alter of Ina Garten…)!

MTV obviously disapproved of this, apparently they have further use of this mindless sexbot before she is redeemed for cash by MTV to Playboy then melted down to produce a newer hotter model like others of her mold such as Anna Nicole Smith.

The amount of c3nsorship on this site is unbelievable. The h()M() at the helm is a 1ibera1 of the likes n0one should ever be subjected 2. The posts which i have attempted are n0t even 0ff3nsive, y3t his pand3ring to the l3sser human species is s1ckening. 1t is unl1kely that th1s p0st w1LL see the n3xt scr33n, & 1f it does 1t will likely B complained ab0ut then r3moved. C3sorsh1p w0rks b0th ways f@gs. E1ther lighten up 0r th3 n3xt time the c0nservat1ves come 1nto p0w3r, c3sorship m@y not B the 0nly m3ans used to 3xtingu1sh th3 s1ssy wh1ne 0f y0r s1ck c0ck hungry m0uths.