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rant

No joke, I got that on a report card once in middle school. Granted, it was from a wretched old hag that hated kids, but its always stuck with me because its true. My family will attest to this – if you try to correct me I will get super defensive, even if I AM wrong [but we all know this almost never happens].

Folks, this is one awful habit I can’t shake, and I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this. I can’t stand that I don’t look like I did a year ago, the house is never clean enough, and my hair just never sits right. You name it, and I am downright horrible at it; I don’t think I do anything ‘well’. Get the drift?

In recent years [i.e., since meeting the husband] the little voice in the back of my mind has been drowned out by his ever encouraging words. No matter how nasty I am towards myself he is always there with a positive thing to say. I should also lump my parents into this category, because they too help out a lot – I just don’t think they know it

So why all the hate talk? My friends, I went on a 2.5 mile run last night and I thought my lungs were going to heave themselves up my throat in protest. Climbing up the last ‘hill’ I imagined my legs trying to maneuver through mud. It was ridiculous and disheartening. The entire time I cussed at myself for not being more active, for not getting back out there sooner, and for eating like I’m trying to get onto Biggest Loser. I am reassured by my loving husband that I should be easier on myself, and in a slightly annoyed tone he adds that I “did just have a child”.

*sigh*

Well you guys didn’t come to read about me groaning and pounding sand about a shoddy run so here’s a picture of the kiddo.

Don’t worry – there’s a reason behind my big long self-rant, so make sure to tune back in soon to see what I plan on doing with all the negative nonsense I have going on in my mind.

If you need me, I’ll be in the corner drowning in Almond Joys and Sprite.

The beginning: This morning there was a double rainbow gracing our neighborhood, and it was 55 degrees. However, by lunchtime it was raining sideways [almost tsunami-ing] and the temperature had dropped to 45. Lovely. This kind of weather hung around all day, until of course, later; where we traded rain for the pitch black darkness of the night – yet the temperature climbed. Oddest weather ever.

The solution [or so I thought]: I decided to get in a quick run at the gym. Big, big, big mistake. Everyone and their mother was there; the entire post had just got off work, and Resolutionists were out in full swing. Luckily I snagged a treadmill from a runner I see in there all the time, and we exchanged "this place is crazy" looks.

The soul crushing run: To say it went horrible, would be an understatement. I don’t even want to write it down in my running journal. I know that with pregnancy comes higher weight and slower paces – I just am having a really hard time wrapping my mind around this and I feel like I shouldn’t bother running anymore during the pregnancy.

The random: My legs are doing really weird things, at any given moment. This started in Ohio and I thought it was cold weather related, but it happened today on the treadmill. About a quarter mile into a run, my quads seize up on me and threaten to cramp. I have to tweak my gait a little, but after awhile I settle back into my normal gait and I am hurting all over again. This doesn’t happen every run, but often enough to where its an alarming nuisance. I’m also noticing that whenever I lay in bed and stretch, I get the feeling of an ‘almost’ charlie horse and I have to stop stretching. This sensation is everywhere from the calves to my quads. I don’t know where this is coming from or what I can do to combat it so if anyone has advice I’m willing to listen!!

Lesson learned: I don’t even know if there is one at this point. I had a crappy run and it put me in a bad mood; and I am questioning a lot right now. Mope with me?? Anyone??

I’ll start this off by saying that this is totally my fault. I’m the one with the Facebook and Google+ accounts, I don’t have a ghostwriter for Twitter and I check myself into FourSquare locations constantly – all of these programs are apparently essential to my life, and all have applications for on my Blackberry. A Blackberry which I hate, but am a slave too. My work emails go to it, I am notified when someone comments/tweets/likes/checks in on FourSquare – and get this: I have a certain chime for each app. Incredibly sad. That red blinking light is like a mistress to a politician or a gleaming blackjack table to a gambler. I just can’t ignore it.

With the uproar of the new Facebook, I’m putting a lot into perspective.

Another random disclaimer – I write my blog for me. Family and friends will read it, along with some internet blogging buddies I’ve made over the years. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish the readers, and read every single comment – but that’s not who I do it for. I write for me, with my own words, with my own jumbled thoughts. You won’t find me posting three times a day [unless we’re caught in a huge Oklahoma snowstorm again ] or even posting about every single run.

I thought aloud to my husband yesterday ”I think… I think I might delete my Facebook account” to which he responded, “uh… Why?”. Well, it boils down to one certain thing, and I didn’t come to the realization of it until today [as sad as that may sound]. I don’t feel like I should be sharing details of my life with people I haven’t talked to in years.

Apparently, I’m too chicken to actually delete people off of Facebook. OH yes, the double edged sword conundrum. I thought about making lists, making one “people I’m willing to share mundane details with” and another “people who I don’t feel comfortable sharing with but don’t necessarily want to delete”. Until I got to the list making process. I got about a third of the way down, and was frustrated that I was even having to do this; it felt repetitive and annoying.

So, what to do? I don’t know. I go back and forth a lot with deleting the Facebook account, protecting my Tweets and cancelling the FourSquare account [… which I think I’ll actually do once I’m done blogging]. I mean really, WHO CARES if I’m the mayor of whatever bakery. Seriously. When I’m worm food, I don’t want to be remembered as the mom that was constantly on her phone during her daughter’s dance recital.

I’m putting the phone down, closing my laptop up and letting go [slowly] of social media. While I am not the world’s biggest fan of being on the phone, going back to calling loved ones and friends is the way to do it. Not just by simply commenting on a photo or retweeting what they say.

My life is not interesting. I need to quit acting as though it is.

With all of this said, blogging will always remain. Like running, it is an outlet. I’ve been blessed to meet people, and I will never take that for granted. Thanks for sticking with me through numerous ups and downs – each and every one of you inspire me in some way, shape or form.

The fleeting moment of happiness lasted all of about 43 seconds yesterday. Some lucky people are able to just be happy no matter what, and roll with the punches like a pro. I am not. If I am in a bad mood, I’m in one all day – it’s true, ask my husband. I am not someone who is bubbly and precious 100% of the time. Trust me, I wish I could be. I’ve tried. And like, ACTUALLY tried, not just weaksauce pretend effort.

Here are some things that make me cringe. Blame the mood on lack of chocolate.

– When my toddler is absent from my immediate vision and I hear THAT sound, quickly followed by an ‘uh… oooh’. Never good.

– The words “preggers” and “preggo”. Just… no. Please.

– Food companies that brand things “gluten free” just because. Strawberries are naturally gluten free, you are not fooling me, stop trying to benefit from the label.

– When Twitter doesn’t load.

Stop it. No. Bad Twitter, BAD.

– The way Candace is always trying to get Phineas and Ferb in trouble. No one likes a tattle tale – it’s not like they’re out doing drugs or maiming squirrels. Doofenshmirtz is the one that needs the babysitter anyway. Duh.

– This seems silly to complain about, but sometimes I get frustrated at how cheap and easy it is to be lazy. Why can’t salmon be as cheap as Ramen? I’m trying to stay healthy, so why do I have to have IT Band issues? Blah.

– Having to hear the dogs eat their food. Weird noises bother me to no end. Ergo, I am weird. [not news]

– Ohmygosh. Nothing makes me wriggle in my seat, more than a wayward hair. Feeling a hair trapped between your shirt and back is gross, and not being able to grab it, is even worse. Blech.

– When Twitter also does THIS

I mean HONESTLY.

– Going to an article I’m interested in, only to have it show in video form. Call me crazy, but I would much rather read something I’m interested in, than have to watch it. Does this make sense??

– I hate telling my daughter that she can’t do something because she’s too little. She is in awe of the neighbor’s trampoline, and will cry when I don’t let her go down the big slide alone. She is too big for her britches, and just doesn’t realize it. I hate it because she wants so badly to do it, but I admire her for wanting too anyway – totally fearless. I also think a small part of me hates it because it means she’s growing up…

This is all I have for now, because if I start getting TOO finicky, It’ll just start a vicious circle. Nobody wants that. So now I’m off, and I promise to OWN my Friday. Just don’t expect a tweet about it ;)

Let me just say that I have many opinions about this race… some good, some bad. I had a great time, I PR’ed, and given the chance, I would do this race again. I would definitely be more prepared though… I have never done a HUGE race like this, so take the negative with a grain of salt.

Pros: Support throughout the course. The fly-overs. The course itself.

Cons: Parking. Walkers. Pace groups.

I can’t really remember everything mile-per-mile… everything just kind of blends together for me. The start of the race was very frustrating – walkers lined up waaaay to close to the start, and dodging them was a nightmare. I, as well as many others, had to run on off on the road just to get around them. There was a manageable hill at mile 2, but nothing crazy. From there, we went to a quick mile along the farmland right off base. This is also where the leader of the marathon FLEW by us. While he was led by a ‘convoy’, people still weren’t paying attention and about ran into the cyclists leading him.

Miles 3-8 were the easiest for me; as they were held on base. It felt very comforting, knowing where I was going, thinking “I’ve done this hundreds of times” and going into auto-pilot mode. Right as mile 8 started, we went over a huge overpass – and that was killer. I had to stop and walk for about 30 seconds, and looking back the break wasn’t really necessary. This is also were the half & full marathon joined for about a mile – I can only imagine the frustration the marathoners felt, trying to get around us.

Mile 8 is also where I noticed a lot of pace group ‘leaders’. One had a “2:00” marker, the other few “2:10” – very weird, if you are a pacer, aren’t you obligated to make sure you meet your goal time? If you see yourself losing pace, wouldn’t you at least remove the sign that indicates you’re a pacer? My annoyance with pace groups also stemmed from the cluster they formed, about 10-15 people per group – taking up the entire road. I don’t know how many times I had to dodge these groups…

A few more hills in miles 11/12, but nothing significant. The mile markers were dead on, up until mile 13 – at that point it doesn’t really matter though, right?? I could see the finish line about a half mile out, and it was about that time where I definitely felt my legs finally grow tired. The finish was pretty cool, they had Generals and Colonels handing out medals; and they took the time to shake your hand and tell you how much they appreciated your effort and participation.

I don’t have my splits right now, I’m having computer issues… long story. I finished in 2:05, about a 9:36 pace. This race was challenging for me, but recovery was a snap and I feel confident that with the right training I can hit a sub-2 at the Dallas White Rock Half.

So before I get into the entire race report, I’d like to vent just a tad. I don’t exactly know WHO to be irked at – I wouldn’t even say I’m mad, just annoyed really. This race took place in a very tiny town, but the trails that we were on connected to other parks in other towns; a huge MetroPark, so taking up room for a half marathon doesn’t seem like a big idea right? It was even an out and back – even less room. Signs were posted everywhere for this half, and even though only 168 people ran it, there were police barricades at the proper places. Who didn’t get the memo? Cyclists. Now, I have a sour taste in my mouth about cyclists anyway; but what happened today made it that much worse. The course was marked, yet the cyclists insisted on being there. At one point, a cyclist yelled out “to your left!”. While I complied, a few people in front of me had earbuds in, and couldn’t hear the cyclist. The cyclist nicked a runners’ elbow to make a point, and decided to hurl a few cuss words his way. I honestly do not know if it was stated in the rules not to wear earbuds. If he wasn’t supposed too, ok, I understand that. This does not give the cyclist permission to act like the trail was his, let alone physically come into contact with a runner. Anyway. That’s that.

This race was tiny. I mean TEENY TINY. There were 168 people running the half, and 42 running the 10k. The schwag bag was awesome, a few local running pamphlets and a $500 gift card to Red Star Worldwear. OH yeah. The race started, and it was a cool morning with relative humidity. My splits were as follows.

Miles 4-7ish I was chatting with a lady on the course, as the cyclist incident had just occurred. We started talking about kids, politics, and the weather until I went along my way. My goal was to finish in 2:30 and as I was doing the math in my head I decided to shot for 2:15, then 2:10. I finished in 2:10:10 and was thrilled with my time.

I hope to finish the USAF half in less than 2:10, but I won’t hate it if I broke 2 hours. :)

I sit here, writing this post, at the same time that I should be 4.5 miles into a 10k. But instead, I am already home, back into comfy clothes and sipping coffee. The morning started with me waking up to monsoon-like conditions, and our county [and surrounding counties] under a Tornado Watch. Holding out hope that it would clear up, I woke up and started going through the motions; coffee, checking the iPod/Garmin for battery life, banana, getting Silly up and moving. Luckily, everything did clear up, and I started the trek up to the Strawberry festival, about 30 minutes away from the house. I get there, and as always, parking is near impossible. This didn’t bother me – not only was this a 10k, but it’s a part of a festival that is HUGE around here. I park, meander my way to the packet pick up, only to find they don’t have me registered.

EXSQUUEZE ME?

I am then informed that if I want to pay the same day registration, and write my email down, they can get this figured out after the race. Yeah, I didn’t bring any money… essentially, I would be paying $40 total, and not having anything to show for it. I also wouldn’t be getting a shirt, and let’s face it, that’s the only reason we run races, right? ;) Anyway, the anger from this situation has subsided completely. But seriously, why would I want to bandit a 10k, when I could run a free 6.2 miles in my own neighborhood? I have my registration confirmation PRINTED out, and I even have copies of emails that I exchanged with the race director [there was an issue with the site and I wanted to confirm registration – GO FIGURE!].

I did overhear some individuals experiencing the same issue, and I hope that the race director does a better job next year. Sadly, I won’t take part in this race again; it’s put a sour taste in my mouth. I can only cross my fingers and ask for my money back.

We’ve got a lot planned for today, and I’ll be getting a 6 or 7 mile run in at some point. Until next time!!