Body Image vs. Self-Image

The following post is by a good friend of mine, and someone who knows a thing or two about living healthy, fitness trainer Robert Reames. Robert is a nutritionist, personal and group fitness trainer, motivational speaker and author of the book “Make Over Your Metabolism.” He is also the creator of the “Robert Reames Lifestyle Transformation System” DVD and Web series. You may recognize him from his many appearances on the show, including the “Ultimate Weight Loss Solution” series. Robert helps both Robin and me stay healthy and in shape, I know he can do the same for you!

If you’ve ever looked at celebrities and thought to yourself: “Does she really look like that?” “Is he that perfect?” The answer to these and other questions like this is — highly doubtful! I think it started back as early as the 1950s and the glamour days in Hollywood. The the way stars look seems to set the tone and the quest for the flawless body. Sometimes, even when a healthy weight is achieved, there are still parts of our bodies, that in our thoughts, don’t quite meet a level of beauty that the media and the fitness industry somehow convinced us that we need to reach. As technology continues to develop, so has the ability to enhance looks of perfection. Airbrushing, great lighting, make-up, photo shopping, plastic surgery, extreme dieting prior to a movie, TV or photo shoot, and other techniques are all used to create these illusions. This is the “glamour machine” in action.

That said, let’s talk about your body image and how this image has a huge impact on your self-image. I mention the above because this concept tends to drive our thoughts, inner dialogue and self perception. These images create unachievable expectations and sometimes can cause one to ask, “Why even bother?” The tendency is not to acknowledge your own individual progress because it’s not perfection. It’s important to shift the focus towards your individual goals and needs and what you can accomplish. Shift away from what is presented by the Hollywood glamour machine or that skinny person down the street who can eat everything in sight and not gain a pound. Own the fact that you are a unique being. Achieve your personal best and not someone else’s. Your goals are real and valid. You’re not a bad person (self-image) because you’ve gained a few pounds (body image). The fitness industry contributes to this as well. Focus tends to be on the external while ignoring internal benefits and a return to health. Obesity and healthcare costs in America are dramatically rising every year. So this approach is clearly not working.

What is body image? It’s a reaction you have within in response to what you see in the mirror. This encompasses the perceptions and things you tell yourself about how you feel about your body. You’re too fat, too thin, ugly, old and tired or whatever you tell yourself based on what you see. Self-image is how we feel about ourselves as people, as human beings. It’s who you are as a person from the soul — a good, giving and caring person, a good parent, a great friend or sibling. Body image and self-image can sometimes go hand in hand. If you’ve looked in the mirror and punished yourself for what you see, based on the fact that you’ve let your health go and gained weight, you get what I’m talking about here. Because you’ve let yourself go, now you’ve deemed yourself as a total failure in life. Because you may have let yourself go for whatever reason, you’re still the same loving, giving person that you’ve always been. Your friends, family and loved ones around you know and embrace this as well.

Whatever you do, don’t go on a diet. These are temporary plans that yield temporary results. The diet industry is a $55 billion dollar industry with a 95 percent failure rate. They’re mechanisms designed for your long-term failure, dumping money in for maybe a short-term result. Each time you yo-yo diet, your metabolism (your body’s innate ability to utilize energy, burn fat and burn calories) lowers big time. This yo-yo dieting increases your risk for heart disease by 70 Percent. If you’re not going to do it right, you’re better off to stay overweight until you decide that you’re ready to do it. Then make the changes necessary to embrace a lifestyle that will get you to your goal weight and keep you there forever.

It’s about lifestyle. It’s about your perspective. It’s a return to health and keeping standards high for the choices you make on a daily basis. Oh, you’ll look good … absolutely! This is one of the great pay-offs that you’ll enjoy. But go deeper on this for yourself, your health and how you’ll feel. Your energy levels will soar, and there is so much out there in life that awaits you. At your physical, the doctor hands you tremendous results. Get off the couch and take action now.

Your body image now may not be so much that you hate yourself, but it’s more of a feeling of disappointment that you’ve not kept the standards that you really do have for yourself. Truth is if these standards didn’t exist in you, your poor body image, due to being fat and out of shape, wouldn’t bother you at all. You’d be fat, happy and loving life. Tap your resources and do something about it. Raise your standards, change your perspective, and begin making the good choices. Focus on your goals and not the illusion of the media machine. Love your body and who you are. Get in the game and achieve your personal best. Enjoy the journey!

29 Responses to “Body Image vs. Self-Image”

Oh My! Dr.Phil you hit a nerve in me this time for sure! What a good insight you just wrote about body image and self image. I have spent a life time hating both my body and self image until lately. Now I accept me the way I am and am happy.
I am old enough now other people ignore me, no one listens to me, and my husband loves me old, fat, thin or otherwise because he is getting old too!. So I no longer care what others think of me.

I had two physical deformities when I was young which caused people to pick on me unmercilessly. One was my eye which was mostly blind. A doctor operated on it and blotched the operation stretching the eye muscle. The result was the brown part of the eye was moved out of sight leaving only milky white.Kids made fun of me, adults stared, and employers wouldn’t hire me for any good jobs because they felt I would be a distraction.

My other problem was I had damage to my hip and back as a result of falling alot after having rheumatic fever. This caused me to be lop sided and walk unevenly.Again I was bullied and picked on and made fun of as a child. As an adult things weren’t much better.

Then when I was thirty I met a doctor who said he could fix my eye! He operated on it for free and straightened it. I still can’t see much but it looked better. An eye is such a small thing but what a difference it made once it looked normal. No one stared or asked questions ever again.

Ten years later a chiopractor worked on my hip and back and after a year I was able to stand straight. I still have to be careful what I do but manage quite well.

My other problem hasn’t gone away. I was always thin until I had four children in five years. Despite having an excelent diet I don’t lose weight no matter if I exercise or not. I saw pictures of some of my ancestors and the women were all round and fat! So part of the problem may be heredity. This bothered me alot until lately. Now I have stopped worrying about it and accept myself the way I am.

I can tell anyone who has had poor body or self image that they are intertwined. When children are picked on because of the way they look it affects the way they see and feel about themselves.In extreme cases a person never fully recovers from this kind of abuse.

In my own life although I no longer care what people think of me ; I still can’t look at a camera and have my picture taken. Because I was told for so long how ugly I looked and was laughed at and picked on those old feelings of rejection and being humiliated surface again. Sometimes people have taken pictures of me unknown to me at family gatherings but I don’t like to look at them . Most of the time I no longer think of these things until they are brought up like now. I realize what happened to me is in the past was wrong and left scars. But now there are so many more important things to think about I don’t dwell on the past problems.

The movie star symdrum never affected me as I was having so many problems with everyday people just trying to stay alive.

People should know though if they have a child that is withdrawn be sure to find out why? If your child has poor self image and hates their body image get to the bottom of what is causing the problem. Don’t ignore your child and leave them to suffer alone. Most of all love your children and let them know how special they are. Let them know they are accepted just the way they are.Encourage them and help them find what they are good at and help them reach their goals.God loves us all just the way we are. To God no one has poor self image or poor body image. He even loves Dr.Phil with his bald head!

My apologies to Robert Reames who wrote the article on Body Image vs. Self-Image. When I replied I assumed Dr.Phil wrote the article. Upon closer examination with my magnifier to see the small print I found my error! Still a very could article on the subject. Have a good day.

Dr. Phil, these blogs are informative and fun to read. One of the main ingredients needed is COMMITMENT to achieve. (Believing IS seeing.) Do you think it’d help if instead of people saying so and so looks sexy it’d help if instead we said the person looks healthy? Definitely healthy habits and a healthy life style =’s happiness. I want to listen to Robin’s video too…

I’m not sure why or how I lost so much weight after both my boys were born (and since I’m not in the habit of inspecting the teeth of gift horses I’ll say I don’t really care), but I was never this “thin” before having them.

However, I’ll always be fat in my mind (have a terrible body image). The years of being a social outcast because of my weight won’t ever be forgotten. Thankfully, I don’t have girls. I am a terrible role model for physical self-esteem.

Also, I DO live in fear of gaining the weight back and returning to the days of shame and ridicule. Any overweight woman will tell you — they’re second class citizens.

I’m so over weight. I have osteo arthitis that has eating a hole in a bone in my leg & I’m almost bone on bone. I have a very hard time walking. How do you get moving when I hate to even get out of bed due to the pain level. I also am getting injections in my leg to. I hear what your saying about self image. I have let myself go & I hate myself for it. I also hate the way I look. I also have circualtion problems in my legs that I’m suppose to wear compression hose for & my legs swell. I need to change & have to change, but have no clue how. I don’t look at myself in the mirror from the waist down anymore. There arn’t even any mirriors in my house for that. I don’t allow anyone to take pictures of me. I’ve been eating a certain way since I’ve been approx 14 years old. Thats approx 26 years of eating this way. How do you change something thats the only way you’ve ever known? & how do you start? Yes I fear I’ll die if I don’t change. Yes I have other health issues to. What do I do?
Good post & thank you.

I am a 23 year old young adult. I am currently struggling with some issues. I was diagnosed at 6 months with a medical condition called Glycogen Storage Disease Type IA. I have to limit items with sugar. I also have learning disabilities which often causes me a lot of frustration. I had to take a few years off from school to deal with personal issues. Now that I’m back in school part-time, I seem to be frustrated that I’m not where I’ve imagined myself to be. I’m also an only child. My social life is pretty much nonexistent. The only way I socialize with people is on the computer. I’m always lonely and don’t know what to do with all my free time. I had a prior relationship where I didn’t find out that we were over until he called me and told me that because I was away on vacation, he decided to go and cheated on me with someone else. I’ve been single since and am still trying to cope with my great-aunts death in May. My major is Early Childhood Education, but there are many times where things get so frustrating that I wonder what I’m even trying so hard for. At this point , I am financially dependent on my parents, and I’d like to be able to support myself. I have no idea how to date let alone even start a relationship with anyone. I need the best Dating 101 advice that anyone can give.
Waiting in New Jersey
Alexandra Littman

I am 71 and have been overweight for 10 years. Was hovering around 120 for most of my life with size 8 petite range. After hysterectomy with scar from hip to hip, situps were very painful. Exercise pained the scar area for quite some years. Now am 50 lbs overweight. I have diet software and keep track of my calories, etc. Am eating around 1200 calories, 5′3″. Nothing affects anything and I need to get back down as arthritis in feet and ankles is getting more painful for walking and balance. I also have osteopena (sp) and fibromyalgia. Most of this has come from sitting practicing pipe organ/piano for church position over the years for long periods at a time. I’m starting to think a test to determine what my body is not reacting to vs reacting to would help answer questions and possibly put me on the right track in my thinking. Am on Social Security and Medicare. What type of help could I find? I would love to continue playing for services as long as I can.

All this while, ‘body image’ is not really a big concern, maybe because it is not a big problem for me. We are just concern about our looks. This post has bring me to another perspective of looking at ourself… but i’ve been friends with many people, although they are ou out shape, but living their life to the fullest. All of them are simply happy people.

Hello Robert Reames and Dr. Phil,
Wow this blog struck a cord far to close to home. I am 25 years old and so despirately want to just be healthy. In high school I gained weight cause I just couldn’t deal with the world around me. My parents thought the best way to help was to tell me I was fat, slow, unattractive, and that boys don’t like fat girls. Needless to say this didn’t help the situation. I used to wish I was anorexic or bulimic but could only not eat for a day. I simply wasn’t strong enough.
Now I am still out of control and not sure what to do. I have started getting myself healthy, but I am so lost still. I joined a gym and go at least 3 times a week for about 45 minutes. A personal trainer showed me some things I can do. But I am still lost….Sugar and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to eat it, but hate myself after wards. I see things in the store I would love to try, but have no idea how to prepare them. Coming from a family that I know doesn’t accept me as I am makes it really hard to accept myself. I am so proud of myself for beginning this journey, and I am even more proud of myself for actually going to the gym (it has not been easy)..i just need help. It is just so hard figuring this out and being able to afford it all on a preschool teachers salary. Please help! I want to make this change, I need to make this change, I want to have these habits in place now so that when I have kids they won’t deal with what I’ve had to deal with. Please help!
Thank you for the blog….one of those I will keep rereading.
Catherine

My self image has much more to do with the way I treat people as opposed to the way I look. I pray daily for the things mentioned, to be a better person, better wife, better mother, better sibling, better friend, to try not to be judgemental and try not be resentful and envious. I am content with my body as it is. I do look to try and be better about how I treat my body, concerning what I put into it and excercise. As far as trying to fit the Hollywood mold, I’ve never looked to Hollywood for anything except entertainment. Robert DeNiro is my favorite actor and IMO, a fine actor, who has made many movies that I have enjoyed. Do I want to look like Robert DeNiro, no. I don’t worry about what other people think about me when they look at me. I worry more about how they remember me as a person, was I kind to them, did I make them feel better or worse. Life is short and the older I get, the shorter it gets. When I leave this world I want to be remembered as a good decent kind person who reached out and gave a hand when I could. I’m gonna be cremated so it won’t matter whether I make a lovely corpse. Do I sound like I think I’m a perfect person, I hope not, because I’m far from perfect, and am not striving for perfection.Do I look for perfection in others, no. But I learned a long time ago that a pretty outside does not necessarily mean a pretty inside. I’m thankful for this body that I have been given and thankful that it still is in good working order.

DrPhil~ I am 27, a stay at home mom, a fulltime student and due to the abuse I take from my soon to be exhusband I am overweight and consider Obese. I am 5′4 and 225 pounds. I wnat to be there for my children in the furture but the way things are going that might not happen. My ex is very abusive hitting me all the time. We need to get away from him. We need to leave for safety reasons and because I need to be around for them. Because he abused me then I started to beat myself down too. He said ur fat and ugly so why exersise and I can eat those cookies I want. Know I have high blood pressure, bad knees ( ineed surgery to fix), and i am headed toward diabetes. We need help to me healthy and to get us safe. PLease help us DrPhil. We are getting kicked out of r house the end of November.

I am 110 lbs over weight and 5′1′ have been over weight all my life. Was teased and bullied in school, and as a adult always feel everyone is looking at me in disgust. I have tried every diet and diet pill going only to gain more after. I am 52 years and can hardly walk up the stairs or get out of the tub anymore. Need help also to dress and get off the floor when i fall (which happens every other day). I got a lap band procedure done on June 10/09, and have had 6 adjustments done to it, I am now just feeling like I my start to lose some weight as I am now limited to eating ond 2 to 3 oz of food at a time and no fulid for 2 hours after you eat so not get hungry till next meal. Eat nothing after 7pm, should you try to over eat you will be very sick and bring it up. I feel this is my last chance to lose the weight, this procedure cost me $16,000.00 but is worth every penny if it works cause I feel it may save my life. Debbie

I was over 400 lbs.
I lost 255 lbs and 86 inches.
It truly was the easiest thing that I have ever done!!
No cravings….none!!
I love laying my head on my pillow at night knowing that I made good choices.
I love the joy of the morning, starting a brand new day!
And now….
The body image?
I see the potential…
In spite of the beautiful skin that is having a hissy fit about springing back.
One day I will be able to complete this wonderful journey that I’ve been on and have learned so much from…
In the meantime…
I sparkle!!!!!
Thank you Robert for your encouragement here and thank you, Dr. Phil for the “audits” from your amazing books! (Self Matters & The Ultimate Weight Solution)
I continue the joy of learning and
My friends….
I encourage you to face responsibility…
And see how truly “unique” you are…
So very special…
Celebrate this and you too will see your potential!!
You can do this…
Take it one moment at a time…
You have this one day to start the rest of your life…
Go for it!!

In this sense, a hypothesis can never be proven, but rather only supported by surviving rounds of scientific testing and, eventually, becoming widely thought of as true (or better, predictive), but this is not the same as it having been proven. A useful hypothesis allows prediction and within the accuracy of observation of the time, the prediction will be verified. As the accuracy of observation improves with time, the hypothesis may no longer provide an accurate prediction. In this case a new hypothesis will arise to challenge the old, and to the extent that the new hypothesis makes more accurate predictions than the old, the new will supplant it. A common misunderstanding is that by this method a hypothesis can be proven or tested. Generally a hypothesis is used to make predictions that can be tested by observing the outcome of an experiment. If the outcome is inconsistent with the hypothesis, then the hypothesis is rejected. However, if the outcome is consistent with the hypothesis, the experiment is said to support the hypothesis. This careful language is used because researchers recognize that alternative hypotheses may also be consistent with the observations.

Thank you Deb…WOW I can feel your energy thrue the Computer:)
I started to read here because of a diffrent purpose,and I feel very sad, but just read your words of energy and I feel a Bit happier!! (Exuse the spell, I´m from Sweden, just visiting Dr.Phils webb site.)

Hello Sanna,
Varsågod (You’re welcome)
Did I say that right?
I sure do hope so! LOL (Laughing out loud)
Thank you for your kind words!
It’s so good to see you here….welcome!!
It’s a pleasure to “pay it forward,” anything that I have learned, anything that I am learning and anything that I will continue to learn about this journey I am on!
I have been so blessed and wonderfully humbled as I walk this road of understanding. I truly believe that we as a people, in general, are so malnourished about nutrition and how we view our bodies and we are starving for the truth! I join Dr. Phil, Robyn, Robert Reames and all those who continue to extend a “hands up” to those of us who are desiring to be the best that we can be and it’s an honor to walk with them, in this.
Do the best that you can, Sanna and have a wonderful life!

Dr. Phil, I think that my problem is that I subconsciously have always hated myself due to alot of dysfunction in the family like sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, abandonement, rejection and humiliation.

I have your book and I am sorry to say that I have not been able to work on the the 7 keys. I don’t have medical insurance so I can’t get any type of counseling. I also take depression medication that have weight gain as part of the side effects. I can’t be without the medications because they are preventive for migraines and they help with panic attacks. CAN YOU HELP ME? I AM VERY AFRAID OF CANCERS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT PEOPLE THAT ARE OBESE ARE AT HIGH RISK. NOT TO MENTION DIABETES.

[...] body image and that of your sons and daughters by educating yourself about the difference between body image vs. self image and living a healthy lifestyle. Do not go on a diet and do not put your son or daughter on a diet, [...]

I am not what you call obese but according to all weight charts I am overweight. I know how to lose weight and I am a lifetime member of weight watchers. I most likely have problems with body image due to stupid comments ex husbands or family made when I was younger but all in all I think I look ok. I can lose weight and have lost the same 40 pounds over and over again. The trouble is it always finds its way back home! When I get to my ideal weight my body acts like its hungry all the time. Its like this little fat demon is on my shoulder whispering in my ear, go to the kitchen, eat, eat, eat! Once I get back to my old weight the demon is nowhere to be heard! I can happily eat and stay at the overweight weight without gaining anymore. Whats up with this?

hello Dr.p
my name is stacy, and im 20 years old and i wight about 315.
I need help, i have been to the doc over and over and they just keep telling me the same thing” watch what you eat”. but i need help, im over weight, and i Hate it, i just got married to the love of my life, and im scared he might leave me if i dont change something soon.

Should parent tell teen ,that they ”Love” person their teen is dating. In hopes this will pass over. My feelings on this are NO…If things have not gone over the line..yet. Could if the obsessed Teen..feels parent Loves him, Teen Loves him…Why not make Love?…Then you have pregnant teen.

I weighed 120 lbs when I got married, now after being diagnosed with Lupus nephritis I gained 120 more lbs & now I am sad to say I weigh 224 lbsI was size 7 went from a size to 22. I’m sick of my body & am so ashamed of how i look. I’ve tried curves & have lost
inches but little weight. I really try to exercise daily & watch my portions but
the Prednisone is my enemy. I have decreased it to 5 mg but the weight is slow
to come off. I haven’t given up but i’t’s a long up hill battle. My husband thinks
I can lose the weight if I want because he lost 30-40 lbs easily. He tells me I
have no will power. I just ignore him & keep doing daily Curve exercises &
decreasing portions. I feel never had a weight problem before in my life so
I never realized how embarrasing over wt people feel. It sucks

I’m 16 years old and I agree that we have so much pression from our society and mostly the medias to become as beautiful as possible. Since the age of 13, I became completely obsessed with my appearence. It’s not that I loved so much the way I looked, but I wanted others to love me. It was a way of geting attention and getting noticed, because I always had some difficulty with making friends. Everytime I was reading a fashion magazine, I was looking at the pages, then look at myself in the mirror, then look at the magazine, then look at myself, and so on. I was trying so hard to become the woman that our society want us to be… I can’t kept my eyes off the mirror, because I wasn’t satisfied with my appearance, I wanted to look exactly like the girls in the magazine. In a year, I probably waste about 200$ for my makeup. In the morning, I pass about 1 big hour to achieve my makeup. I go on Youtube to find some tutorial to get some tricks with my makeup. My foundation + powder for my face cost me 100$ together. I feel like I’m in a prison. Us, women, have so much pressure to deal with, because of the media, the ads, the television and the VIDEOCLIPS… We are now at a level where being beautiful and sexy is more important than singing well to be a singer and to have success. I was going to give some examples, but all you have to do is to watch music channels to understand what I mean. I’m so tired of all this pressure. Give us a break! Pleeeeeease!

I use to be 120 lbs 5′ 5 1/2″ now I’m 225 after being diagnosed with Systemic Lupus
& being on steroids. I’m hoping I can get the wt off. My knees are starting to hurt I’ve been diagnosed with osteoarthritis, just has a menisectomy. It might take me a while but I’m going to go to Weight Watchers & try to exercise. I really hate the way I look & have a definite body image problem. I know getting only 20 lbs off will help my legs & diabetes. After reading all these comments I’m energized to start my healthy life style

I weigh 227 which i use to weigh 223,recently in May of this year i joined Gold,s
Gym but that hasnt hapened yet & i have workout equipment in my basement
(dugeon) which i have two cats down their.I just dont have no energy to do that to start at Gold,s Gym which i have the membership until 2013,which i know is sad,i have some problems:enlarged /fatty liver,depression,anxiety/panic attacks & now i have like allergy asthma & im seeing a gastroenterologist,i dont even have energy to walk around the block.I even have exercise tapes use to use them not anymore, cant get myself to workout, so ive been sedentary for awhile & ive been trying to lose weight since the year 2009 & thats been my resoulotion every year & never lost except maybe 10 at the lest,but i gained back.The first time when i went to my gastroenterologist i told him how about sucking the fat from certain spots,but he said
he wanted me to do it naturaly but it hasnt happed yet & there has been times when&
Slim Fast which on that diet i lost two pounds & i deyhdrated myself & got sick.I’m at 227 almost back up at 230 and i’m only 43 going to be 44 in October.I’ve lost my mom& dad still wishing he was still here & still helping me, but he’s not & my sisters dont call but every now and then but only if i have to babysit my two nephews,but they never come and visit which the only was that after that month July 2008 then i had to beg them to come to my house for bbq for Labor Day did and then i had to beg other people which that was unsuccesful,so now i have friends from work & church,which they have took me under there wing as one of there’s as another daughter which is sweet but there is no way i can/could call a friends Mom,mom there is no way.But im dealing with all the changes & when people ask if i’m okay i say yes but not really,i do take medication including a probiotic and im supose to be taking Lactaid but only every now and then, which you supose to take if you eat cheese & drink milke but i never take like im supose to.So i might need your help,because i dont have enough umph to exercise or to do anything all i do when i get home from work i watch your program when i can or i take a nap,i dont have a pych it seems you have alot advice could you or can you help me,i shouldnt say this but when i was cleaning my dads room i took guns out of his room which they are out of here so i cant do nothing stupid.Sorry this is so long i had to tell someone,i dont know what to do ive tried everything almost.Have a good day.Its just the changes of my life which i dont like i wish they where better, but i dont feel like they are.

I weigh 227 which i use to weigh 223,recently in May of this year i joined Gold,s
Gym but that hasnt hapened yet & i have workout equipment in my basement
(dugeon) which i have two cats down their.I just dont have no energy to do that to start at Gold,s Gym which i have the membership until 2013,which i know is sad,i have some problems:enlarged /fatty liver,depression,anxiety/panic attacks & now i have like allergy asthma & im seeing a gastroenterologist,i dont even have energy to walk around the block.I even have exercise tapes use to use them not anymore, cant get myself to workout, so ive been sedentary for awhile & ive been trying to lose weight since the year 2009 & thats been my resoulotion every year & never lost except maybe 10 at the lest,but i gained back.The first time when i went to my gastroenterologist i told him how about sucking the fat from certain spots,but he said
he wanted me to do it naturaly but it hasnt happed yet & there has been times when&
Slim Fast which on that diet i lost two pounds & i deyhdrated myself & got sick.I’m at 227 almost back up at 230 and i’m only 43 going to be 44 in October.I’ve lost my mom& dad still wishing he was still here & still helping me, but he’s not & my sisters dont call but every now and then but only if i have to babysit my two nephews,but they never come and visit which the only was that after that month July 2008 then i had to beg them to come to my house for bbq for Labor Day did and then i had to beg other people which that was unsuccesful,so now i have friends from work & church,which they have took me under there wing as one of there’s as another daughter which is sweet but there is no way i can/could call a friends Mom,mom there is no way.But im dealing with all the changes & when people ask if i’m okay i say yes but not really,i do take medication including a probiotic and im supose to be taking Lactaid but only every now and then, which you supose to take if you eat cheese & drink milke but i never take like im supose to.So i might need your help,because i dont have enough umph to exercise or to do anything all i do when i get home from work i watch your program when i can or i take a nap,i dont have a pych it seems you have alot advice could you or can you help me,i shouldnt say this but when i was cleaning my dads room i took guns out of his room which they are out of here so i cant do nothing stupid.Sorry this is so long i had to tell someone,i dont know what to do ive tried everything almost.Have a good day.Its just the changes of my life which i dont like i wish they where better, but i dont feel like they are.i’ve been to my regular DR which my last cholesterol screening the points went down from what it was before.