Hello Kitty Virtual World

Yikes! It seems that my wife doesn’t want me to only suffer in Hello Kitty Hell in this world, but also in a virtual Hello Kitty world (yes, you read that correctly…I’ll excuse you as you run to the bathroom and vomit). Somehow my wife thinks that because I spend most of my day on the computer that I would “love” to be part of a Hello Kitty online community game where “thousands of players that live and participate in Hello Kitty’s magical and cute online world.”

Send over the Hello Kitty table setting so I can stab Hello Kitty forks into my eyes and slash my wrists with Hello Kitty knives because that would be infinitely less painful that having to deal with thousands of Hello Kitty fanatics in a virtual world (although I think it would be a great place for the Hello Kitty whiners to gather instead of on this blog). Sit back and make sure any device that could be used to harm yourself is well out of reach before reading this game description:

Hello Kitty and friends welcome you to the exciting and fantastic Hello Kitty World! This is the first-ever online game platform featuring the all-time-favorite Hello Kitty characters from Sanrio!

Hello Kitty World will allow thousands of players to live and participate in Hello Kitty’s magical and cute online world. You will be able to roam the streets of Kitty Kingdom, XO Federation, and Melody-land. Enjoy the beautiful landscape and architecture of Puroland or Badtzcity and participate in numerous puzzles, story lines, or adventures lead by the worldwide community of Hello Kitty World subscribers. You can even have a successful career, open different shops, earn and spend Sanrio Dollars in your bank, buy a house, and trade with other players around the vast game world.

In the beginning of the game, there are three countries: Kitty Kingdom, XO Federation, and Melody-land. Each country has three cities, its own architecture style, and specialized products.

Kitty Kingdom is a humanity country with a wealth of beautiful arts and crafts.

XO Federation is a modern country with the updated and blatant entertainment facilities.

Melody-land is a country with beautiful landscape and rich natural resources.

Players may travel between countries and cities by plane, ship, car or train. Players can also adventure in the game world for many theme parks, hidden ancient relics, and other interesting findings. Since each country specializes in the production of only certain products, Players in each country will be encourage to trade and exchange products with other Players. The three countries will compete with each other in terms of trade, sports and academic. Starting the game at the same point, the fate and prosperity of each country lies in the hands of the Players living in the country.

I already know the fate of our world — if games like this are actually dreamed up as being a good way to spend time, we are all doomed to Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to fishy kitty for the link who should have to spend the rest of her life in the Hello Kitty virtual world as punishment…

Update: If there was any doubt about how Hello Kitty sees herself, this should dispell that — also from the game:

These Sanrio characters are the only ones not controlable by you. They are the main theme and “God” of one Nation. For example, in Hello Kitty World, Hello Kitty reigns supreme as the overseer of the land. With her guidance, love and happiness is abound and people are able to live in the cute land of Kitty Kingdom in Hello Kitty World. Hello Kitty will be there during your important occasions to bless and help you. Hello Kitty will also arrive to give guidance and new missions to residents of her world.

“Hello Kitty will be there during your important occasions to BLESS and help you. Hello Kitty will also arrive to give guidance and new missions to residents of her world. ”

…
I seriously think that we should pray in this way now..

“Our Kitty in Heaven (hell..) , HOLY (shxt…) be your name;
your kingdom come; your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread ( sure, by hello kitty toaster! );
and forgive us our sins (for who dislike HK) as we forgive those who sin against us (ah…i think it’s talking about you..mister HKhell..);
Do not bring us to the test but deliver us from evil.

Heh.
“XO Federation is a modern country with the updated and blatant entertainment facilities.”
Sounds like an ad for adult services if ever I heard one.
Perhaps HK plans to anchor the souls of her drones by whipping them into mindless sexual frenzies in a realm disguised as cute, absurdly pink fluffiness.
I wonder what a psychologist would make of it..