Diary of a "Plus-Sized" Mommy

Saturday, March 3, 2012

My wrestle with the hair on my head has been for my whole life. I was not blessed with "good" hair, but I am thankful for every piece that is on my head, because I know 1) it could be SO much worse and 2) some women don't have any or they lose theirs. So,that being said now that I FINALLY got my hair grown out nice and long, I have decided to get...a PERM. Here is a photo of my hair. This is what I have been trying to work with for the past few years...

So I decided that in order to get all my hairs more uniform, thus (hopefully) giving me more to work with in a wash-and-go desired effect, a perm was the only logical answer! I have the BEST stylist who is not only a talented hair artist, but also my sister and my best friend! AND she came right to my very own bathroom to do it for me! WIN WIN WIN! Here are some of the hilarious photos of our time pulling this off...

I had to wait 48-PAINFULL hours (only because I wanted so badly to wash and condition and style it myself for the first time.) to see what the REAL results were, and I am SO pleased! I have SO much more I can do with my hair now, it is easier to make look pulled together and polished, and it is very easy to style so hopefully my ever-present ponytail or ballerina bun are a thing of my past! I think we can all agree that this is a grand improvement!

I have already had so many comments on how people didn't realize how LONG my hair is! Yes, that is because it was always pulled up and back! My hairs are happy to be free and flowy now and this is MUCH more in line with my own personal style. My hair SHALL stay curly!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

In 2004, after five long years of gaining weight steadily (60 lbs!) and only having lost ten of those, I decided I wanted to do something drastic to start claiming my out of control body again. I went on the Atkins low carb diet and very easily lost 20 lbs! I felt GREAT and was only 30lbs away from my goal! I lost steam to keep at the low-carb lifestyle, and nobody I knew was doing it too. I had no support system in place whatsoever. Recipe for failure! In March 2005, I got engaged to my husband of now six years, and we were married the following August. Fitting into my wedding dress was some darn good motivation to keep alot of self-control over my eating habits, and I was so busy planning the wedding that I rarely got bored! I felt incredible the day of my wedding and I was so thankful that I had lost those 20lbs so I would not look at my wedding photos and want to cry! Enter newly wedded bliss, two babies in 22-months, breastfeeding, boredom, loneliness, a PASSION for good food and wine, one of my children being diagnosed with a severe and rare genetic mitochondrial disorder that came/comes along with more intensity, fatigue, exhaustion, stress, emotional trauma etc. than a mom should ever have to endure, and heck let's throw in an @home gourmet cookie business to try and score some extra cash, and that leads us here...December 28th, 2011. Three days left in the year. I step on the scale and the numbers show that since my wedding day six and a half years ago, I have gained 80lbs. 110lbs since my high-school graduation in 1999...only 12 years ago. Not a good feeling. I promise. Take my word for it. Don't try and figure this one out for yourself...

There have been ALOT of moments leading me to this major transition moment in my life. I am at a true fork in the road. One path leads to deterioration of health, depression, discontentment, resentment, jealousy, envy, insecurity, sickness... not a place that a daughter of the King of Kings belongs! The enemy of my soul resides there. I wear chains there. I become someone who I was never meant to be there. Failure paves the path there and makes my days feel like I am walking through wet cement. I lead my CHILDREN there because that is where I reside!!!! What does the other path look like? There is FIRE on that path from the get go. Refining fire that consumes my "baggage" by grace the second it is dropped. The only way for it to be returned to my body is through my choice to take them back. By GRACE I won't do that. This path is a very thin path that requires focus and self-discipline. It requires self control and fearlessly fighting for my freedom from those chains. It requires a "one step at a time" "put one foot in front of the other" mindset. It isn't dark because my Redeemer resides there. The LOVER of my soul! It is bright even in the darkest of moments because HE resides there, He IS light, and by choosing to walk in the freedom He has provided me, the refining flames that surround me become fueled and grow more intense by my sweat and tears! This path is where freedom resides. This path is where humility AND confidence dwell. This is the place of beauty...the place that I can lead (by example) my daughter into the bright future that God has for her. But this path is death to my flesh and a freaking lot of hard work...

I am going for it. I have a great eating plan that has worked WELL for me before and would have saved me from this mess my body has become if I would have chosen this path six and a half years ago. I was young and "lifetime maintenance" didn't apply to me. Now, lifetime maintenance means that the plan is that I SUCCEED! That I have every day for the rest of my life to walk out the victory over this bondage. Unlike then, I have a fantastic support and accountability system set up with LOTS of ideas of how to keep things delicious and interesting. I have a fun new dance cardio workout and my old faithful Pilates DVD that I love and have gotten great results from for strength training. BUT...

I have to give up coffee...for good. And wine. And fancy crackers...and chips. I LOVE chips. OUCH!

I am okay with that. My commitment to this attempt at a new lifestyle is for a year. If at this time next year I want to try something new then I will, but I wouldn't be wasting my time trying this if I wasn't super confident it will be for life. So...I choose the path of life and take a step...sugar and coffee weaning for the next three days. His GRACE is sufficient for me...

Friday, August 5, 2011

VENT ALERT!
Why oh why would you make a nice pair of plus-sized jeans then BLEACH THE BUTT SO IT LOOKS EVEN WIDER AND BIGGER!!!!!! That is NOT an area that needs to be "highlighted" on ANY woman in the category of needing "plus-sized" jean! Would someone please explain this to me?

Please stop doing this so I can buy some jeans! I love distressed jeans, but you are distressing my butt which is really as distressed as it can take at the moment.

...until then, find something rediculous and un-explainable in "fashion" and laugh at it for me,

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I love pedicures. Even if I can't get out to get one or, more frequently can't afford one, my toe nails are always painted. On days when my last shower was so long ago I forgot which day it was, and I realize I am not wearing a proper bra more than I am wearing one, to look out at the pretty color on my toes is a teensy weensy pick-me-up. Reminds me that even though what I see in the mirror while washing my "capable" hands for the umpteenth time since waking up is a tired soul still wearing "house clothes" that are covered in things I don't even know, I am still a woman, and I am still in touch with my femininity. My sister/bff is a cosmetologist and she has ins with the local "liscensed-only" beauty supply store. Which means I do too. Shhhh....she buys me OPI nail polish at a discount! Here is my latest shade obsession and it is gorgeous on my toes in the mid to late summer weeks. How can you not adore a polish that is called "Come to Poppy":

Oh how I love this polish. It makes me smile. It makes me want to watch chick flicks. It makes me want to go shopping. It makes me want to shower, put a bra and some actual "non-comfy" clothes on... heck it might even make me feel like wearing a dress...and some beautiful open-toe shoes. Shoes....oh how I love pretty shoes! But that's for another time....

Til then find something that makes you feel just a little bit feminine and fabulous,
Leah

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I am not doing this blog because I am just another fat chick who wants to say how she hates being descriminated against or how food controls my life and thoughts and I just cannot figure out how to say no to a cheeseburger or ice cream. This MAY turn into a bitch fest every once in awhile, more out of my own frusteration not because anyone has "done" anything to me. Like for instance, I HATE plus-sized clothing. I hate that I have to BUY plus-sized clothing. I hate that plus-sized clothing looks like designers had no idea what to create for us so they just kinda said "hey lets just start out with a rectangle piece of fabric and cut huge holes out for arms, neck and while we are at it lets make sure there is NO shape to the garment whatsoever so really ANY plus-sized woman can wear it no matter what her problem area! Brilliant!" Case and point...

Are we really that generic, us plus sized ladies? SO easy to please? No we're not but it's likely that we are heavy because we give and give and give to those around us instead of taking care of ourselves the way we should (not a bad thing BTW and I am not saying that thin gals don't give and give and give and neglect their own needs. I know many that do.) so we are probley not going to storm the gates of fashion-land and demand some suitable well fitting clothing. Okay now that I got that off my chest. Moving on...

The truth is that I love looking nice and well put together. I like going shopping and I like bright colors and I ADORE beautiful shoes. Sometimes after a long hard day of facing some hard reality that is in my life, I like to escape and window shop online. I like to dream that I too look like the pretty women that are wearing such lovely clothes over their slim frame. It's not important that I cannot really afford to be a clothes horse and I barely leave the house to wear much more than the comfy loungewear that has become my "signature look" anyways. I don't want to be thin because I feel like I am not as good as thinner women, I want to be thin because that is who I really AM! I have only been plus-sized for 10 of my 30 years and I used to have a really great body that my husband (then my boyfriend) was proud of and wanted to show off and couldn't keep his hands off of. THAT woman is still in there. She's soffocating in there! She has had two babies and a husband who is discontented with his life, and she has been thrown a HUGE curveball in life that has required sacrifice of every part of her except her love and service to others. Does not leave alot of room for exercise and dietary discipline. This is NOT a pity party. I am hoping SO badly that if I have a place to write all this stuff out, I can clear out everything that is in the way of letting myself out of this body bag called "plus-sized". My goal from this day forward is to find her and release her by April 4th, 2012. So I can give myself a birthday present outfit that looks something like this: