shining sky

Posted on 9 January 2001

i want to know about my obsession with England.

I want someone to tell me why English accents make me swoon, their music is always so much more appealing and except for them being anal retentive about sex, why their lifestyles seem so much better than living in America.

i don’t remember my obsession begriming but all i knew is that most of the music i started digging in the late 80’s came from the UK: Charlatans UK, Morrissey, The Smiths, The Cure, New Order, Stone Roses, Mission UK, The Pogues, SoHo, The Verve, Simple Minds, Neds Atomic Dustbin, Jesus and Mary Chain, Republica, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Church, Sisters of Mercy, Ruby, et al.

Everything I can find on britpop/dreampop which was fucking alternative before alternative was referring to sexual choice. When wearing black didn’t mean you were Goth but just, deep and pretentious. Where having black hair wasn’t a statement against the man but when it actually looked good on someone.

the closer i get to turning 30, the more reflective I’ve started becoming on my music and life going on. the other night, one of the girls i know off of IRC was having a drunken party at her apartment and was using her cam as the expression of said “art work”. i got angry at all the idiots on IRC who were drooling over her own stupidity. Then I got really angry at myself for realizing it wasn’t too long ago that i had flashed everyone via my webcam. like two years ago. okay it was last year.

paul and i got into an argument about aging and how it affects the both of us. and I’ve got to say, i need to stop thinking about the past. it hurts more than it helps. i keep reflecting back to things that were never were into things i want to be. and i need to stop obsessing over death. i keep thinking every time i speak to my mother that she only has 20-25 years left to live.