Thoughts on deconstructing, renewing and embracing the qualities (quirks, oddities, imperfections) that make us other-worldly BEAUTIFUL. Includes weekly mentions of the reigning Queen of Other, Kristen Stewart. Perhaps once we shatter the old ideas of beauty, then the need to alienate, segregate and tear down Others will disappear entirely.

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A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Pinterest. Click the image for a link to their origin. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos are mine. Lyrics, unless noted, belong to Marcus Foster. Playlist and GIVEAWAY INFO at the bottom.

In my time I’ve melted into many forms

From the day that I was born,

I know that there’s no place to hide

*drawing in deep breaths* So I wasn’t planning on writing today. I was acutely aware that I had only posted one Musings essay in August but I found myself unwilling to post another MOO until I was content with the quality. I wasn’t about to throw something up on WordPress simply because it was due. Suddenly, August passed by in a rush and I have no idea how that happened without my notice. When we last conversed, I told you that I had some ducks to get in line: Stuff for The Magical Little Practice and some training courses for Red Cross Instructor Certification. I also spent some time in my hometown for several days assisting my mother with some renovations on my childhood home (which provoked some memories long dormant and locked away), and I squeezed in visits with childhood friends, as well as a couple Cyber Soul Sisters @Robkris13 and @Mari. I also had a brief but surreal afternoon and evening with the lovely ladies from the KSIBTU Crew which included the luminous CC (@KstewsBtrThanU), the gorgeous artist Jamie (@JHiggs86) and my fierce August Birthday Girls Iris (@Just2cuSmile) and Kim (@Kimmcarr). But I had planned to be back before now to check in with you all.

Here’s the deal: In addition to all those wonderful events of the last month, I have been taking steps to complete a separate writing project that was proposed to me three weeks ago. So when I returned from my visits and completed my Certification courses last week, I tried to gather the energy needed to focus on my new task at hand.

No dice.

I have never been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’m seriously wondering if I should be assessed. I definitely am a tireless champion of PROCRASTINATION, a habit that may never be broken because I’m constantly enabled in it. I was on the verge of despair these past few days, beating myself up over an unreasonable deadline I failingly tried to enforce. I elicited my tired and true writing tricks: Listened to inspiring music; read provocative books and stories; organized my office supplies 🙂

A color-coded map of mah head

Today was that self-imposed deadline. Which means that last night I was a hot mess, and not in the complimentary way. So I didn’t quite have a Dark Night of the Soul, but I had a few moments resembling it’s bleak cousin Melancholia. And Melancholia whispered knowingly to me: “You are in over your head, Chica. You’re not ready for this. You don’t really want this. You’re not good enough to do this.”

For .0234 of a second I believed it. And I felt relief. Like finally I could acknowledge the truth, and now everyone could see it and I didn’t need to swagger around the room anymore in an act of bravado.

And then…I listened to the song that was playing on my speakers…It was one that I featured on this week’s Inspiration Playlist and had listened to maybe fifty times earlier. And yet, I didn’t hear it until last night in that insular moment. You can hear it on the playlist for this essay. Or click it for the YouTube:–>Illuminated

Suddenly my eyes are open, everything comes into focus.

We are all illuminated, lights are shining on our faces. ~Hurts

HURTS

While soaring to HURTS‘s ethereal melody, I found myself hashing out a rambling email to my friend @DeeDreamer16, a soul who also at this very moment is taking the risks to pursue her bliss via creative expression. I hadn’t given thought to the mundane or tedious when I began describing for Dee the post-it-pocalypse of my living room, so I forwent proper grammar, punctuation or politeness. I must have repeated about four times “I am beating myself up, NOTHING is done!” before a funny thing happened. I felt my shoulders dropping from my ears and my breaths growing deeper, slower. And I was writing. I produced full sentences about how I used procrastination as a shield to intercede between not my fears of failure but my fears of success. How I often leave things to the midnight hour because I want to challenge my boundaries and perhaps create my own obstacles.

I wanted someone to call me on my bullshit. However, by the time I hit “SEND” to Dee, I realized that the one person who needed to call me on my bullshit was …me. We are our most brutal critics and the most cunning of wall-builders. And that’s just plain ole exhausting, and I had enough on my plate thank you very much. So I went to bed, nursing my broken and bruised fragments, but lighter than I’ve felt in many days.

When I opened my eyes this morning, what greeted me? Resplendent Synchronicity.

We. Are. Blinding.

It has been weeks since we’ve seen our Reigning Other Queen. In the midst of unconfirmed sightings and speculation, our fierce Snow White was pictured at the Playstation Launch in London, emerging from a maze (a video game simulation?) within proximity of one Mr Theo Hutchcraft, of (oh hell yeah), the band HURTS…. Seriously, of ALL the people Kristen could have been near? “Well,” the voice-no-longer Melancholia whispered to me…”We are illuminated. We are good. We’re so bright, we’re blinding.”

But I had not recovered enough to truly be prepared for how the rest of this day would unfold.

Click this pic to view Marcus's Music Video feat Ms Stewart

A personal favorite of mine, Marcus Foster, is a bluesman, singer-songwriter, poet, guitar player, master sculptor and childhood friend of Mr Robert Pattinson. This glorious morning he debuted his music video for the single ‘I Was Broken’. And the stark, raw, beautiful song of familiarity featured a video spotlighting a quiet, haunting and ethereal young woman, who despite appearing fragile and tenuous, is in fact, the polar opposite. Marcus’s lyrics hold such simple brilliance. We are not shattered, at least not indefinitely. And Kristen’s presence in this video brought me to tears. Compelling and mesmerizing…I cannot seem to break the spell.

But I will stand here till the end, I know that I can take the moon

Haunted by the things I've made

I wasn’t going to write today. I was a bit battered from my own encounter with that insistent wench Melancholia in the late hours of the night. But when my eyes opened this morning, I was inundated with such joyful motivators to still push forward, I simply could not stay away. The exquisite @DeeDreamer had responded to my late-night confessional in the form of an email, and we chatted into the morning about the risks and benefits of pursuing Bliss and the power of synchronicity–when we say “I’m ready”, the Universe has it’s way of supporting us.

So what if I didn’t make my deadline today? It was a completely unreasonable limitation to place on myself, I realize now. Was it not enough that I’d successfully completed my training courses for Red Cross and I’m now a Certified Trainer with a respected and effective humanitarian organization? I have the capacity to teach and share some of my knowledge as a therapist with people who go out onto the frontlines in response to disasters and tragedy. I have the opportunity to go out to the East Coast and work with the survivors of IRENE personally, like I did in Joplin. How incredibly privileged am I?

Well you walk these lonely streets that people send, people send.

There are some wounds that just can’t mend, I do pretend, pretend

I was broken, for a long time.

But It’s over now

Am I not incredibly grateful that my Sister PUSS was granted the opportunity to see a world-renowned specialist for her immune-deficiency illness on this very day? Am I not blessed with the most incredible friends and supporters of Otherness in my every day life? Its incredibly fortifying to see that the Army of Others is as widespread and present as it is. Represented by you incredibly gifted MOO READERS, in the Featured Rebel Royals; in Poet Warriors like Marcus and Robert and …Kristen Jaymes Stewart? Is it not extraordinary that there is a splendid woman like Kristen Stewart to turn to for a model of resilience and strength?

This morning I hadn’t planned on writing. But I acknowledged and welcomed the kinder, gentler way that I regarded myself. I know I hadn’t experienced some existential crisis of self these past few days, but my confidence and focus certainly wavered. And sometimes, we have to deconstruct the working whole, examine and focus on the little fragments, pieces and cells of a project before moving forward steadily and with certainty. We are resilient beings. We are extraordinary creatures. We may feel broken at times, but that’s over now.

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others are beatific pieces of The Whole.

Embrace Your Other.

* * *

A/N:The lyrics (other than those as credited to Hurts’s ‘Illuminated’) featured throughout this essay belong to Marcus Foster and his song ‘I Was Broken’.

A GIVEAWAY! A GIVEAWAY! Looky at what the Mail Lady brought me today….My extra ordered copies of W MAGAZINE!!!

I have 2 copies to give away to anyone who leaves a comment on Today’s Essay with an answer to at least ONE of these questions:

1. How have you reassured yourself to finish a task that you once viewed as insurmountable? How do you bounce back after these dark moments?

2. What do you think of Marcus’s song I Was Broken? Of the video featuring Ms. Stewart?

3. Have you experienced Synchronicity before? When you needed a nudge or confirmation most, in what form did it reveal itself to you?

*Musings has it’s own FACEBOOK PAGE now! Check it out and join me for discussions and the sharing of pictures, books, quotes, videos and ideas of Otherness where we’re not limited to a measley 140 characters.

*GINORMOUS Thank you to my friend @DeeDreamer16. You have NO idea.

*GRATITUDE to my Good Reads Girls who give me unconditional support and cheerleading even when I go rogue.

Just a Muselet here, lovelies. Tomorrow I’ll post my regular Musings, featuring a new Royal Rebel and our usual love for KStew and her Misfit partners in crime… Today I’m happy to announce the winners of the Musings On Other Soundtrack Giveaway, aka: KJ’s Old-School-Love-Letter-poured-into-a-mixed-tape-but-on-a-CD-to-Others. I always enjoyed writing and receiving a good letter. It started when I was in fifth grade, and I took a week-long trip to Washington D.C. with some classmates, and I met new friends who lived in exotic places like…Florida…and Colorado. To have a long-distance penpal when ten or eleven years old, having met them while traveling abroad, seemed pretty damn cool, in my opinion.

Letter writing became my all-consuming world when I was in seventh grade. I knew how to fold the 8 1/2 by 11 inch squared paper into a heart, a circle, an envelope, and perhaps, when computer class became too boring, a swan. And do you know what these little “letters” (notes) would say? Something like this:

Dear M,

Hey honey! I’m in Mrs K’s class, English. I’m so bored. Did you see Joe today? Oh my god, he is soooo fine. Do you think he still likes Kelly?

I LOVE U. K.I.T. BFF. Budz4Life. WRITE BACK.

Love Always, K

Clearly, not on par with Beethoven’s prose to his Immortal Beloved. But a definitive step higher than:

DO YOU LIKE JESSICA?

PLEASE CHECK THE RIGHT BOX:

YES: ___

NO: ___

So here’s the delio: I love you guys. I love you so much I don’t have words, and that in itself is telling, because I always have words. I also love music, it’s an integral, essential part of my being, and it shapes Musings in a very personal way. If I we were still in junior high or high school, I’d write you all and pass you a swan-shaped note in which I checked the box that said YES, when asked if I love you. And, as was the case of my first love, Joe (see above, 7th grade Joe was beautiful), I’d exchange mixed tapes filled with music of light-FM love songs and R & B. And instead of stealthily passing the note while en route to History class under the pretense of fixing my hair scrunchies (YES, SCRUNCHIES, facepalm), I would implement today’s technology of Twitter, Skype, Email, Chat, Texting…where beautiful, devoted poetry has been reduced to:

I heart U, u hot biotch. Txt me. xx

Swoon.

Ok. While this is perfectly fine for every day interactions, and for moments where we are in between meetings and errands, and the eighteen jobs we have…This lackluster statement leads me to think: we have lost the ability to connect in a more meaningful way.

Let’s think about this a second: If you could write Kristen Stewart, our Reigning Other Queen, which medium would you use, what words would you use? How would you communicate your admiration for her? Would you put thought and time into composing a text message? Or would you perhaps like to speak a little bit about your propensity towards domesticity and baking…Kristen puts time into planning and creating meals and desserts for her loved ones, don’t you think she’d appreciate something a little more personal than a statement that could only fit amongst 140 characters a la Twatter?

If she doesn't inspire hand-written love sonnets...

So, let me send you my love letter to Others…Here are the winners of the first Musings On Other Giveaway, based on the comments left on last week’s first Musings’ essay from the new website (If you left more than one comment, I counted you once, and I only included commenters on the main Essay’s page)…

From Random. Org: The Integers

Generate random integers (maximum 10,000).

5

Each integer should have a value between and (both inclusive; limits ±1,000,000,000)

1-21

Here are your random numbers:

16
7
5
10
3

HOORAY! To my lovelies: (16) Dano, (7) Buff82 (5) Nail, (10) Jessica (3) Medelia_Fi , you will be receiving the MusingsOnOther Soundtrack/My Aural Love Letter to YOU in the mail as soon as we get in touch and I have a your contact information. CONGRATULATIONS!….As a Reminder, here are the Tracks:

1. Trouble–Ray LaMontagne

2. The Devil’s Tears–Angus & Julia Stone

3. Acid Tongue–Jenny Lewis

4. Crucify–Tori Amos

5. Hallelujah–Jeff Buckley

6. Soul to Squeeze–Red Hot Chili Peppers

7. Wake Up–Arcade Fire

8. Not Afraid–Eminem

9. Lying–Martina Topley-Bird

10. It’s a Fire–Portishead

11. Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World–Iz

12. Never Tear Us Apart–INXS

13. Dig–Incubus

14. Wave of Mutilation–Pixies

15. The Shining–Badly Drawn Boy

16. Addicted to Love–Florence + The Machine

17. The 6th X: For Kelleen–Richard W feat. KJ on vocals

18. Joyful Girl –Ani DiFranco

Why am I doing this? Well, I realized that I miss the old-school way of expressing affection, with an old-fashioned letter written by hand. I miss the romantic sentiment behind homemade gifts, and the excitement of receiving envelopes or packages in the mail. So that is what I’m trying to resuscitate: the personal connection we as humans, have the privilege of exercising. Even now, as I pieced together the playlist for the Musings Soundtrack Love Letter, I could just post it up on PlayList.com for you all to peruse. But if I did that, I wouldn’t get to send you the CD, in the mail, and write you a little card in my own hand. You wouldn’t have the pleasure of receiving a small parcel in your mailbox. I wouldn’t be able to tell you that every single song on the play list was featured in a Musings essay past, and contained a specific message: Love, empowerment, encouragement, gratitude, solace, grief, joy, affection, inspiration…

How do I love thee, let me count the ways

So I’ll see you tomorrow for our regularly scheduled Musings. We’re talking Creative Living, Following Bliss, The Social Network, and the resurfacing of Kristen and Rob, three nights (going for 4?) in a row…Last night, they took in a show by one of our Featured Rebel Royals, Jenny Lewis. SWEETNESS.

And let’s take a moment to gaze at the gloriousness that is the Official Welcome to the Rileys Movie Poster, shall we? *Stares, hypnotized* Ok. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, my dears. Much Love, KJ.

P.S. WINNERS, make sure you send me your contact info! P.P.S: I will most likely be creating a Volume 2 of the Soundtrack. There is just so much good music out there by Others and for Others.

Well hello there, my Misfit Mayhem-makers, how have you been? I hope well, and happy and rested. Did I scare you off with my melt down last week? Was it unsettling for some of us who need a routine for normalcy? Musings posted on Friday and in two parts, concluding on Saturday. Wild, right? *smooths hand over your back to rub comfortingly*. I know. I’m all about thinking outside the box and spontaneity, but even I struggled with the wonky schedule last week, and I want to apologize to you. Between the two family emergencies and Blogger getting salty with me, I may have been …uncouth. Well, as I’ve discussed in previous Musings, energy and The Universe has its way of communicating with us. Last Friday as I was wrestling with Blogger and dividing up the Wanderlust Musings post, I also was launching the website for the private practice. Oh and I was not sleeping a lot due being on standby for the family. So, I got sick. Really sick. Like, ask @Buff82 and @Bouffant how I was constantly in tears and nearly catatonic. Yesterday was the first day where I didn’t need to roll up in the fetal position to ward off the pain. Though I can’t promise to stay away from cold meds today, you all know how I love me my cold meds. . . .

So due to the chaos of last week, I am releasing the first MUSELET MEMO today, because post-fever, I’m a smorgasbord of ideas and it’s Thursday, our regular posting day, and I want to show some pretty pictures of Kristen, um, duh. Most importantly, I’ve missed you guys, so I crave the interaction.

Guidelines for the following Musings Memo:

1. It will be shorter than most of previous Musings (I know. You and Blogger are sighing in relief right now).

2. It will consist of announcements regarding upcoming topics and Team Other Happenings.

3. It will encourage Reader participation. (I told you. I crave interaction with you all. You make my life with your feedback and comments.)

4. It will not feature a new Royal Rebel, though it will allude to potential FRR’s in the approaching weeks.

5. It will, however, always pay homage to the Reigning Ambassador of Other: The Stew

Claro? Let’s get our Muselet Memo on, kids!!

yessssssssss

Roadtrip Memories

Let’s recap some Kristen-related news. After Bouffant’s and my Musings last week regarding Rob’s Road Trip towards Other Queen Kristen, he arrived safely with his Brit Boys TomStu (#TeamTommy FTW) and Sam Bradley in The Big Easy. Not that anyone saw them, but plenty of folks sure tried to produce manips indicating a sighting, with laughable results. But here’s a manip/pic that I giggled over–as was the desired effect–for days upon first learning of the Road Trip, thanks to the brilliant @patronuska:

OICU Jella. Hang on tight, kitty!

Kristen is supposedly within days of wrapping as MarylouStew in on the road, as word on the street has her either finishing today….or working until Sept 26th. Regardless of whether or not she wraps today or in two weeks from now, it has been a pleasure witnessing the journey and transformation of our Other Queen from the Eclipse promo-ing, MTV Movie Award-winning, Oscar-buzz garnering twenty-year-old girl to the professional and esteemed actress portraying the iconic role of Marylou in the Walter Salles-directed film On the Road. The film is already procuring early rave reviews and industry anticipation. Oh, and then there’s the communicating. The nonverbal confirmations that I love so so much from our Royal Rebels. You may fondly recall:

media training? I don’t think so!

Well. Yeah. Our Royal Rebels sure know how to multitask! *wipes tears of joy*. Communicating their solidarity as a couple, and also expressing exactly how they feel about the privacy-invaders, Vultures and overzealous “fans”. . . in the same damn Beastie Boy t-shirt, made legend via Rob earlier this summer…Confirmed by Kristen yesterday, with such clarity and coolness, even the Coke Classic in her hand is envious. Yes, she’s wearing his shirt. As in, her man’s shirt.

If anyone has a right to wear this shirt, it’s KStew

Upcoming Topics for Musings & Featured Royal Rebels

So the news on the Kristen (and Rob) front has been minimal, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have wonderful topics to contemplate and new Rebels from which we can gain infinite wisdom. While Kristen and Rob blaze trails and role model the very reasons why we adore our Other Warriors, I am constantly surveying the vast sea of candidates for Musings’ next Featured Rebel. Some of you have written in and given suggestions, genius suggestions, which I studiously consider. You may have already seen your suggestion featured in previous essays. While I won’t highlight a new Rebel today, I assure you, here are the names of a few folks we’ll probably be locking smoldering gazes with in the approaching weeks:

And upcoming topics for the exceedingly clever Musings Readers to sink their eager teeth into:

THE DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES…SHIFTING FILTERS OF PERCEPTION…JOSEPH CAMPBELL’S ARCHETYPES…DOING YOUR LIFE’S WORK…FAMILY GATHERINGS (INCLUDING EXES)…CREATIVE LIVING…JACK KEROUAC AND ON THE ROAD…

because just 3 years ago…

it was about a boy and a girl. Near impossible circumstances.

We’re Moving!

No, we’re not going to Hawaii (yet), as I had hoped, but give me time. This still could happen. The move I’m referring to now was alluded to mid-sob in last week’s A/N. Because Musings has deadlines, locquacious admins and jawp0rn-happy KJs, it has come to our attention that some hosts simply cannot handle what the Rebel Misfits dish out. Team Other is making preparations to transfer blog-hosts, leaving Blogger behind us. I have started tweaking with files and transferring archived Musings, and have tried to not hassle my beloved Buff anymore than necessary, since she has been off designing and prettifying my business’s website along with KSIBTU (who is also exiting Blogger-ville). Hopefully next week, with a brand new Musings, we will be reporting from a brand new crib. Stay tuned, and hang with me, Rabble Rousers, because this is how we roll, and I really would love us to continue Rollin’ with the Homies, ok??

K says: Chill out, KJ, you’ve rolled with me since at least 2007.

The KStew Fandom is made of cool cats. We flow.

Musings’ Musical Madness Giveaway

And this is where reader participation is highly encouraged and welcomed. Also alluded to in last week’s weepy A/N: The MusingsOnOther Soundtrack!! You all know what a music buff I am, and that it shapes all that I do for Musings. You also know, because I have a bit of a disclosure problem (and this is why I’m reining in giving out the website domain for the Magical Little Practice), I also am a back-burner musician. I have been playing classical piano since I was four years old, singing since I was five, and writing music since I was a pre-pubescent emo kid with frizzy hair and snaggle-teeth. Music informs my mood, beckons The Muse, and expresses beautifully what I can often not. A lot of the Featured Rebel Others on Musings are musicians. And because mix-tapes were the epitome of love-declaring in the nineties and 00’s while I grew up, I would like to declare my love to YOU. I am compiling a playlist of songs I’ve featured on Musings since June…These songs have inspired, provoked, encouraged and soothed me while writing each week’s essay, and also have significance with the stories I’ve shared, and with the bios we’ve discovered in the Featured Rebels. Kristen and Rob are both musicians and demonstrate their exquisite taste and aptitude in music as often as they can (But why isn’t I love Playing with Fire on The Runaways Soundtrack?!). *Oh, plus I’m pretty sure Kristen designed and arranged the soundtrack for Eclipse*

To Review: The Musings On Other Soundtrack is composed of artists including (but not limited to):

Here’s the delio: I wanna hear from you. I know you’re there. I receive emails, tweets and some comments from you KStew Lovers and Other Rebels, and they rock my socks off. But there are more LURKERS than anything…Musings enjoys an incredible visitor tally averaging 1800-2000 each week. I know. It freaking BLOWS. MY. MIND. But you don’t comment. But some of the hateful folks who actually don’t read Musings DO write me. They tell me how awful they think one of our Rebels is or, WORSE, how unworthy our Other Queen is (ah HELL to the NAH). So the haters have taken the time to leave their venom, but I want to hear the balancing Goodness from the OTHER REBELS and KSTEW supporters…

Because there are a gazillion of you. I’m finding you populating all corners of this beautiful planet of ours, and you somehow find me. So find each other here! Next week, I’ll take all commenters’ names and contact info and enter it into a raffle system that CC and/or Buff are going to have to guide me around, and give away 5 copies of the Musings On Other Queens Soundtrack. And to kick my own ass and remind me of my vow towards Creative Living, I plan to include one of my very own musical recordings on the Musings Soundtrack. (I just need to connect up with the right channels, i.e. ex-boyfriend/musical engineering genius). So dudes? Serio. I’m putting my own voice (literally) on the line here. I want to hear your voices too. You’ve all been embracing your Otherness with me on this journey…Let’s make this a Convention of Otherness, shall we??

So start warming up now…Write me, Comment, Tweet (@MusingsOnOther), and tell me your thoughts on Kristen’s Communication Skillz, on future topics of Musings, potential future Royal Rebels, and how you’re embracing your Other.. Next week, the playlist will be shown and you’re going in the Giveaway Drawing… Thanks for reading this Muselet Memo. I’ll see you hopefully, from the new digs, next Thursday! As Always, Embrace your Other. Many thanks & much love ,KJ