Real Housewives of Miami – Reunion Part 1

I have been watching all season but did not blog about it more than a couple of times, and then it was only because their behavior was so disgusting I felt the need to say so. They are boring, desperate for fame, and frankly watching Elaine Lancaster trying to be relevant was just too painful.

I’m not invested in any of them. Don’t really understand why they even got another season, but the reunion is always a fun thing to blog, regardless of the season or the city. We see a glimpse into who these people really are. In fact, this is the only time we really get to see who they really are.

Andy Cohen wears a hideous outfit for this reunion and it bothers me he never straightens his tie over his buttons. He is very handsome in my opinion, but always seems to miss the mark by just a smidge. He needs a stylist who is not colorblind and pays more attention to detail.

The women have so much makeup on I am waiting to watch them melt under the lights. Everyone admits they have had plastic surgery, and Lea insists she has not used any fillers or had any work done. Really? She is a hundred years old and her face is as smooth as a baby bum.

There is no way she has not used fillers. I’m guessing she uses her husband’s blood money to get injections weekly. She is a liar and a hustler who married well so she can save her lies for another day because we are not buying it. By we of course I mean anyone who can see clearly.

Joanna and Roman’s relationship is reviewed and we see that Joanna is as dumb as she is beautiful. She is a gutter pig and I cannot find anything to like about her. She is a drunk, has nothing to do with Miami, and her boyfriend sleeps with other women right under her nose.

Adrianna is off the chain over Joanna. She goes off about her relationship with Roman and her sister Marta. Adrianna is a bitch. Not the good kind of bitch I admire, but the pathetic kind of bitch who talks for hours and says nothing of relevance of interest. She needs to shut up.

We move onto Karent and her boyfriend Rudolpho. I happen to think he is gay and dates women to remain popular with the ladies, but that’s just me. She tells us they have broken up and even cries about it. How is it that these educated women are so dumb? Don’t date men who cheat.

No matter what anyone says, Anna calls them out on it. Anna was the most boring person all season but on the reunion is fantastic. I dig her here but barely remember her from the show. Important to note Lea Black’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard. She is a disgusting woman.

The moment anyone calls Lea out on her crap she fires back like the mean girl that she is. She is a bitch and sits on her handmade thrown and throws daggers at those she feels are lingering below her. Lea is wealthy because her husband works for killers. There is no pride in that moron.

Anna is throwing jabs about Geritol and Lea breaking a hip and I am loving it. She is telling the truth and Lea is panicking, trying to swing back, but bless her she is unable to get her back. Turns out Lea is dumb and only able to respond when it is scripted or she has time to prepare.

Marisol looks horrible and her dress is ugly. She is still upset about Lea bashing her company and is emotional but can’t produce tears because of all her face injections. They go on and on forever about Lea and Marisol but I am bored and not listening. Enough already. Who cares?

I seriously just zoned out of the entire thing because I cannot be bothered. As for the new t-shirt about beating her to the tweet, love it. These women are ridiculous. They are all a little mean, a little dumb, a little self absorbed, and a little crazy. By a little of course I mean not at all a little.

They do a section on Joanna drinking and she laughs it off as if it is cute. She drinks like a fish, is a nasty drunk, and it is not cute. She talks about her drinking like it is nothing but this chick needs an intervention because her denial is sad and her laughing it off is heartbreaking.

They review Adriana and her unfiltered mouth. She is a complete and total hag. She is mean from way down deep and while she may think she is funny, she is hateful and has no tolerance for anyone other than herself. I don’t trust her and obviously female friendships are hard for her.

They are going on and on about racism, Polish immigrants, and slums of Rio. Blah, blah, blah. They are grasping at straws which is lame. After almost an hour of crap, we are forced to watch the non-slap slap again and it is insane. These women should all be embarrassed as should Andy.

I love the reunions and even though this one was particularly boring, it is the only opportunity we have to see who these women are. This week ends with the threat of lawsuits and yelling over each other. We give Bravo an hour of our time and in return they give us a headache.

I will be back for part two and look forward to seeing Elsa. They will bring these women back for another season and I am hopeful they change up the cast. Miami is a vibrant city but if this is all Bravo has to offer in terms of interesting women, they are not keeping it real.

Related story

Email Newsletter Sign Up

Don’t miss any of the latest news and events!
Get the Jewish Journal in your inbox.

JewishJournal.com is produced by TRIBE Media Corp., a non-profit media company whose mission is to inform, connect and enlighten community
through independent journalism. TRIBE Media produces the 150,000-reader print weekly Jewish Journal in Los Angeles – the largest Jewish print
weekly in the West – and the monthly glossy Tribe magazine (TribeJournal.com). Please support us by clicking here.