I am in my late 30s. i was raised by my grandmother. father deserted me and my mother. so she turned all her anger on to me. i suffered verbal abuse and beatings from her. always threatening to throw me out in the streets.after i got married, i found he is a male chauvinist. there are no discussions or anything. whenever i tried to tell him what i had been through he used to shout at me. slowly i stopped that. i was just a servant for him. but he never loved me. even after 2 children. i recently found he has been cheating on me. i am very depressed. often i shout at my children even for petty things trying to take it out on them instead of him. he treats me like trash. i know i should be nice to my children and not treat them the same way like my mom. how shall i calm down myself

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.

You have suffered through mental abuse,and now you are doing the same to your children. This is something that will effect them for the rest of their lives as it has you.

Counseling,and meds...now... not next month,or in a few weeks... please do this for your children.

It is up to you to break the cycle,that way your children will not be the same way when they get older.

I am telling you this from experience. I survived both mental and physical abuse from my mom. Then from her boyfriend at 12 years old.

Then I married my "Savior" and ended up being abused for 13 years until I finally had enough guts to get out. During the marriage and 2 kids, I was off and on in counseling and fought very hard not to put my kids through the abuse.

The cycle can be broken,but you are going to need help doing it.Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

I too would like to welcome you to healing well. I think that you will find everybody kind and compassionate and willing to share and listen.

Shy is so right, you need counseling now. Your children are innocent in all of this. I too went through the same thing. My mother was verbally and physically abusive. And yes you find yourself doing the same thing, no matter how hard you didn't want to do the same thing she did. So please seek counseling.

When you recognize that you are following in her same footsteps. Tell yourself STOP. I don't want to do this to my children. You can break the cycle. With help.

We are here for you. So always remember when you get those feelings, come to us. We will talk you through it.

By counseling you will also learn how to cope with your husband also. You will learn to comunicate, and if he doesn't feel the need to be open with you, you may be making some changes. You can't continue to live with the mental abuse and what ever else he is putting you through.