How much preseason football did I watch last night? About five plays on NFL Network where two guys were talking over the 49ers-Ravens game. That’s all I could take before turning the channel to House Hunters where the chick was bitching about houses with front load garages. She ended up with a side load garage and her husband looked miserable because she picked the house that didn’t have a basement. She said he would be fine because there was room for his home office.

That’s a doomed marriage. You can’t tell a miserable husband that he’s getting a home office instead of a basement. The basement is man’s only refuge from misery. Where is he going to watch preseason football? Like his wife is going to let him watch the NFL in the family room. Isn’t happening.

Let this be a lesson to all of you newly married men. DO NOT CAVE ON THE BASEMENT MUST-HAVE. YOU NEED THE BASEMENT.