His cousin is officially a Scientologist—but terrified of being associated with Tom. Lady Gaga's sister trains to take the stage. Bombshell McGee sells stripper videos. Phil Spector gets beat up in prison. Come and get your Sunday gossip.

Lost actor William Mapother—also known as Tom Cruise's cousin and Suri's secret father—has totally converted to Scientology. Asked whether it was true, Mapother rambled about how Tom messed shit up for everyone, so now he can't say: "I have kind of an unusual feeling about questions like that. ... There's kind of an ever-wavering boundary between the things I'm willing to talk about, and the things I'm not. And part of the reason that I find myself particularly cautious in this area is because of the things my cousin has been through." Oh, honey. (1.) Tom's mistakes are a direct outcome of his insanity, so if you are sane, you'll be fine, but (2.) If you join Scientology, you will not be sane for long. Cults insanitize. [P6]

Natali Germanotta, little sister to the Lady of Gah, is taking voice lessons with the hope of joining Gaga as a backup dancer. She celebrated her 18th birthday at Sazon "in an understated, elegant black frock" and "everyone stuck to soda because they were all under 21. They were all very polite." Refreshing! I give the phenom of the polite superstar kin two months. Natali will find her inner Ali Lohan, yet. [P6]

Oh, look: A video of Sandra Bullock's husband's neo-Nazi mistress stripping, under stripper name "Avery," which is also the name of one of her sons. Judging by the kind tone TMZ takes, I'm guessing they bought it from Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee directly, especially since she sold a remarkably similar WORLD EXCLUSIVE VIDEO to Radar. McGee's a boring stripper and generally vile human, but here are the links anyway. [TMZ, Radar]

Speaking of Michelle 'Going to Hell' McGee, she was once an honor roll student, for "all four years at Eastlake North High School in Ohio," thereby disproving previous lies about growing up in Montreal and on an Amish farm. She ran track, played soccer, and was a cheerleader, which goes to show: No matter how upstanding your child seems, she may grow up to list Mein Kampf as a "Favorite Book" on her Facebook page. Kids are awful. Don't have them. [TMZ, Radar]

Speaking of Bullock hubby Jesse James' messy personal life: His divorce from porn star Janine Lindemulder was riddled with bizarre and brutal domestic violence allegations, like Janine "bludgeoning him in the back of the head with a flowerpot," attempting to run him over with her car, and "swinging a steel bone sculpture at him." Lady is resourceful. [TMZ]

Justin Timberlake has a guest appearance planned for Glee, hopefully as part of a subplot where Mr. Schuster realizes he's gay and sings a beautiful rendition of Ebony and Ivory with the original wigga. [JJ]

Boris & Natasha-esque gossip duo Rush & Molloy set their moose and squirrel sights on Phil Spector, who is getting roughed up in prison. "Not everyone understands his humor." Or they find him as creepy as the rest of us do. "He mouthed off to a big guy, who punched him." Spector was ashamed and at first told friends he "fell down a flight of stairs." Hey, that sounds like something a battered wife would say. Or a young aspiring star being abused and eventually murdered by a powerful music producer. [R&M]

The Courtney Love-Billy Corgan imbroglio heightens. Says Love: "He wanted to be Kurt [Cobain], then he wanted to be [Marilyn] Manson, and now he wants to be Perez Hilton. What's wrong with just being Billy?" Fairly trenchant psychoanalysis, though I'm not sure what it makes Courtney. Dr. Drew? [P6]

Wander the LES, Snoop Dogg was approached by a pair of high schoolers who asked him to listen to their beats on an iPod. "He ended up liking one of the beats so much that he asked his manager to get one of the kids' email addresses." Aww. [P6]