ENTRY #699
THURSDAY, JULY 28, 2005
Jamie is looking into getting her braces off. She popped a bracket in the middle of the night last night so she's over it. Better get by while you can if you want to check those suckers out. Try and make it by during the lunch hour, so sweet when food is jammed in them.

Did you know if you get denim samples in that smell like cat poop, you can just spray them with Fabreeze and your reps never know? And if you work in a reptile store and an animal dies and leaves a bad smell, a little Fabreeze will solve that as well.

Ever sat on the couch in Lardog and the Desert Twins office with the door closed? That means they think you're a dick. Sorry.

Oakland Mike, do you want to read a book by yourself then write a book report on it? It's too hard to read a book with two people. I might have a day that I'm not busy but I don't feel like reading then you have a bad week because you got fired from your job and you don't feel like reading. It's just too hard. So read a book, write the report and send it in. Remember, a good book report always let's the person reading the report know WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY.

ENTRY #698
WEDNESDAY, JULY 27, 2005
You know what today is? My 9th favorite person's birthday! Happy Birthday, Hime. Turning 25 feels good, right? I'm sure right about now The Gav is counting my siblings, Rickk, Mike, Spike, etc and asking himself, "well, does that make me number 8?". Tim, you're holding steady at 41 due to those fruity slip ons you've been wearing for the last week. Put those DVS flip flops back on and you'll rocket back into the high 20's. I know, I know, you're my only friend with an exhaust system on their car that can set off other cars alarms but the fruity slip ons are super fruity and really effecting your standings.
Burnett has jumped up a few spots because Rickk said, "he's pretty smart for someone in skatebaording." Wow, that must be super duper smart!

Tonight I have to Tivo The Cut because Spike wants to go to dinner and he doesn't watch The Cut. Nice best friend he is.
Oh, I hope ShnEEr checks The Tap to know that The Cut party is out of style tonight.

Hey Gangsta Boo, you said you're eager to see The Braces? Do you want to see them with egg salad all stuck in them or just with the rubber bands? Today Jamie stood on a pallet in the warehouse eating an egg salad sandwich with her braces and talking with her mouth open. Maybe she should be March in the calendar?

You know why Mikey is our VP? Because he's pretty smart for someone in skateboarding.

ENTRY #697
MONDAY, JULY 25, 2005
Well, another week passed and I have to say, it feels really odd not hearing "Aaron Meza, Mike Burnett is holding for you" and then hearing Aaron's feet move faster then you ever here them drag as he runs to his phone. I feel empty and can't help but wonder how Aaron will bounce back when he returns. He's having three weeks of Mike all to himself. I know he struggled with some separation anxiety after The King of The Road trip.
Maybe a fish tank in his office would calm his nerves. I know how to handle this.

Did you know the last four digits of Mike Burnett's phone number are 8530? Weird right? Check back tomorrow for the other part.

If The Mez didn't hang out with a bunch of losers, he could totally fool people that he was a pretty classy guy. Who uses "abroad" when they are referring to their overseas travel? Classy guys like The Mez, that's who.

Mikey, you left your In 'n Out cup on the lunch table and there were these little fly's hovering around it when I got to the office this morning. No need to call and apologize. As soon as your house is done, Rick is going to come over and make sloppy joes while he takes shots of Jager so we're even.

ENTRY #696
FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2005
Sorry about no post yesterday. I had to drive all over town looking for the special marble for the statue Jenkins' is sculpting of Mike Burnett. It was going to be a surprise but if The Mez came back to that without a warning, he'd be weeping in the parking lot for hours and he's just too valuable.
It was good to hear all the positive feedback from various people who lives have been touched by Mike Burnett.
I also think it's safe to say he bumped O'Meally out of his place on Rickk's list with that new Thrasher cover.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and just think, "I want to be an artist!?" Join the club.

Our secretary went to get her rubber bands on her braces tightened, our warehouse manager has now asked to be referred to as "Tough Guy" and our production department is trying to get the women here to read because "men like chicks who read books." Loser Distribution was already trademarked so....

My new favorite government agency? U.S. Customs! Go U.S. Customs! Hey Customs, can I give Supra Pete your direct line so you can take all his calls about his Fourstar stuff being late? He's a real gem to deal with on any and all levels but late delivery is his specialty. I'll have him call you, U.S. Customs.

ENTRY
#695
WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 2005
Had dinner with The Mez' second favorite person last night, but enough
about The Gav. Let's get back to Mike Burnett.
I found that odd that he was Sanger's 26th favorite person. He's my
14th and that's only because I have a big family. I bet if Mike spent
more time around Girl, he'd move up Sanger's list pretty quickly. Heck,
I've only heard him in the backround talking when I've been on the phone
with someone that he's with and I find him very special.

I guess that's about
it. We're all making woven hippy bracelets with WWMBD (WHAT WOULD MIKE
BURNETT DO) embroidered in them, so I should get going.

ENTRY #694
TUESDAY, JULY 19, 2005
Well, let's just go with it, it's all Mike Burnett all week and maybe
even all month. I heard his name three times in a meeting today and
The Mez was not in the meeting!
Today I'll tell you about my fondest memory of Mike Burnett. It was
earlier this year and I was enjoying a beverage at a cafe in Sydney.
The weather was beautiful and I looked up to see Mike doing a flat ground
demo across the street. He seemed lost in his happiness and so pure
in his efforts and it was like the demo was only for him. But I enjoyed
it, too.

Smyth, call me, I just learned what "hrunk" means.

Time to go read Thrasher.

ENTRY
#693
MONDAY, JULY 18, 2005
You know how you can tell when The Mez is in another country with a
time zone far ahead of the states? His column is updated before anyone
else's. That's right kids, give him at least an 8 hour head start and
he'll win.
I didn't realize The Mez' third favorite person was on this trip, get
ready for two weeks of very "Burnett heavy" Randoms.

We have a winner! Although RICKK AND THE SKIPPER haven't bought the
boat, they'll be armed with a name the day they do. The Desert Twins
and Lardog picked the winner so if you hate the name, email Sanger and
maybe your email will end up in the Featured Email section.
First the runner ups.
Jacob Ruiz from Riverside, CA suggested TWO WET NUTS. He lost because
we're naming the boat, not the two goofs who dumped their money into
it.
Ernie Flores of El Monte, Ca thought SAILTAP would be a good name. Lardog
didn't think this was a winning name but saw a future job in the skate
industry for Ernie. Sorry Ernie, your entry lost and your future looks
dismal.
Derek Oblinger almost won everyone's heart with GOAT BOAT. The only
problem is that The Gav and Rickk aren't into goats like we are. They're
not like Smyth where they don't appreciate goats, they just aren't passionate
about them.
Jacob, Ernie and Derek let us know your t-shirt size and we'll send
you a consolation prize.
The big box of all sorts of loot goes to Scott Brooks of Steamboat Springs,
CO who christened The Gav and Rickk's new boat with the lovey name,
SEA BONER.
Scott, your prize package is going to be slightly delayed as Eric is
on a trip until next week. Normally we would forge his autograph like
we have in the past but your letter was so professional, your dad's
probably a lawyer or something and we don't want to go down that road.
Early August is when you should start checking the mail. Congratulations.

I have to go comfort someone.

ENTRY
#692
FRIDAY, JULY 15, 2005
You know how you can tell who your friends really are? When you're getting
married and they choose a game of S.K.A.T.E over your wedding. Unless
it's Koston's Game of Skate!

Remember in the movie Billy Elliot when he just wanted to dance?

Correction from yesterday: Hime didn't take his profile off MySpace,
he just took it off as a link to each email he sends out. Busy reps
need to meet chicks and although there has to be an abundance of girls
at all those surf and skate shops when you're counting the watch stock,
he's looking for Mrs. Right.

My new favorite thing at Golds: The dudes that transferred from the
Hawthorn branch of Golds. The meat heads from the beach are one thing
but the inland meat heads? Love it!

ENTRY
#691
THURSDAY, JULY 14, 2005
I received a handwritten letter form Mike O'Meally today explaining
why he hand writes his invoices to us. It turns out he hand writes invoices
to only his favorite companies as to not seem too cold when sending
a document that is requesting money. Transworld bought him a computer,
from the sound of his note, they might have bought him four or five
computers, the day they hired him and he makes good use of that invoicing
the people that he couldn't care less about. Other then a few mis-spelled
words (you don't have spell check when you hand write, now do you?)
it was smart and sincere and from the heart.
Did you know his dad is a judge and Mike isn't that great of a dancer?
I lost my train of thought so let's move on...

Just a few days left for RICKK AND THE SKIPPER and the naming of the
boat that Rickk and The Gav are buying. Henry Sanchez suggested they
name it SHIT FLOATS but no profanity is allowed on the shores of Redondo.
ShnEEr weighed in with ROCCO WANNABE'S. Matt, isn't there a bachelor
party you've tried to plan for three months? Get off The Tap and log
on to The Palms website or somewhere and get that thing finalized.
Send your last minute entries to RICK AND THE SKIPPER c/o THE TAP 22500
S Vermont Ave Torrance Ca 90502.

If you were looking to meet a road rep with awesome social skills and
a passion for black on the world wide web, your chances just got a little
more narrow. The Hime closed his MySpace account today. I'm sure some
other reps are on there, just type Nixon or Sole Tech or Billabong into
the search section, you'll find a hunk. (Two Billabong mentions in two
days, awesome).

Today Bird was telling Smyth, myself and The Mez about being effective
in correcting people when they screw up (yeah, go ahead an re-read that
sentence) and the best way is to "just fucking put them on blast."
Let's just keep our finger's crossed that the guy doesn't father any
children.

ENTRY
#690
WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2005
Nothing says maturity like the emails The Mez and Jenkins sent after
they strolled by me in a meeting at the conference table with a bunch
of dudes in suits.
Meza's email: "Are those the new owners? Did Billabong buy us?"
Jenkins's email: A long list of quotes he overheard from his desk. The
two best, in my opinion, "absentia" and "information
methodology."
The truth of the matter, Billabong are in absentia when it comes to
buying us, we're just getting new software to run this "company"
on.

If anyone at your company wants to challenge us to a "slowest walker
from office to office" challenge, bring it on. I watched The Mez
go form Sam's office back to his office then to Mueller's and then into
Rickk's, man, he is really and truly taking it easy.

Still a few days to get your names in for RICKK AND THE SKIPPER contest
to name Rickk and The Gav's boat.
(A tip for those entering, no NWA references are really needed). Send
your entries to RICK AND THE SKIPPER
c/o THE TAP 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502. Boat sets sail early
October.

Why did our secretary get red rubber bands on her braces? Because she
can.

I have to go, I can hear Ping Pong, laughter and skateboarding outside
my door. Doesn't sound productive.

ENTRY
#689
TUESDAY, JULY 12, 2005
You know the only thing Bob K hates about The Tap? Not enough Bob Fucking
K! Here's some Mini 5's with the only employee to stomp out for good
without the gifts we gave him:

Top 5 Employees you miss the most:
1. Megan, Rickk and the Art Dump
2. The Mez
3. Chick
4. That dude who worked in the warehouse and went to work on a fishing
boat in Alaska
5. The kid who worked in the warehouse and always said hi to me

Top 5 companies to say you're going to work for when playing an April
Fools joke on Rickk:
1. Alien Workshop
2. DC or DVS (tie)
3. Limpies
4. CN Rail
5. Supra

Top 5 reasons to sleep under your desk during work hours:
1. I was hanging out with Staba or Larson the night before
2. To try and lure a headbutt out of Greg Carroll
3. To scare the shit out of the cleaning lady
4. To spark a revolution
5. Just for the thrill of it

Top 5 fireworks experiences while working there:
1. Canada vs USA New Year's battle at the Leons' house, 2002
2. Camp Whatevs after the cops left and Megan threw my harmonica and
Von Zippers in the fire, 2003
3. That time when Rickk lit a pack of ladyfingers by my head while I
was sleeping under my desk, don't remember the year
4. The big Samoan dude with the pony tail lit off some amazing aerials
in the parking lot on the 4th of July, 2003
5. The day when the Art Dump were shooting bottle rockets into each
other's offices, some time in 2003

The Gav found a boat to buy! It's is currently named Sea Swirl. It's
said to be bad luck to re-name a used boat, but The Gav wants to name
it Sea Biscuit and added, "I feel like, with Rickk as my captain,
nothing can go wrong". Can anyone tell Tim some Hot Butter Knife
stories before he sets sail?
The boat will not be called Sea Biscuit. There's still time to win that
goodie package, signed and everything.
Send your names for the accident waiting to happen to RICKK AND THE
SKIPPER c/o THE TAP 22500 S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502.

You know why Paul Nett is our favorite DC employee? He's not boring.

ENTRY
#686
MONDAY, JULY 11, 2005
Nike has decided it's time to start running Kobe ads again, feeling
like enough time has passed since his shenanigans in Colorado and an
entire year of being a complete selfish baby. Good for you, Nike. I
think throwing Shaq under the bus when being interviewed by the police
and chasing the best coach out of town is totally forgivable in one
season.

The RICKK AND THE SKIPPER contest is off to a rough start. Rickk and
The Gav have not purchased the boat yet, but they do still need a name
for when that big day arrives. The two entries we received are both
not in compliance with The Tap contest rules.
"Bloat Floats" came from Mike Burnett (or if you're
talking to Spike, John Burnett) but he didn't send it via US mail, he
emailed it so he's disqualified. Mike, I'm sure The Mez can get you
some stuff with Frosty and Guy's autograph's on it. "Lesbian
Seagull" was sent from someone named Tomo but he also sent
his via email, so he too, loses out. And Tomo, it's Rickk and The Gav
buying a boat, not Mikey and Scott. Don't miss out on the package of
goodies, send your entries to RICKK AND THE SKIPPER c/o THE TAP 22500
S Vermont Ave Torrance CA 90502.

Can someone at Trasnworld buy O'Meally a computer? He still hand writes
his photo invoices! Not even those 17 year old kids from the valley
that send invoices hand write them. Or wait a minute......is there a
chance someone is keeping it more real then Atiba???? Uh oh.

ENTRY
#685
THURSDAY, JULY 7, 2005
Oakland Mike, we need a new book. I've crossed from thinking this guy
was a total tool to just suffering from pity at everything he says.
He refers to tough situations as "toughie's." Fuck him. Plus,
I had to make a book cover so I could read the book while I was on the
stair master at the gym and that looks sort of raw to my fellow Gold's
gym members. Sorry to be a quitter but pick a new book and we'll kick
things off once again. THE BETTER FUCKING BOOK CLUB will survive.

A contest! Rickk and The Gav are buying a boat! Yep, a boat. This has
all the makings of a Dateline "Missing at Sea" special but
they want a boat so they can have one. Here's the problem, they need
a name for that boat. And it's not "The Fucking Boat" so save
that one. We need the names here by July 20th. On that day, we'll draw
from the entries and that person will win a Fourstar package with goodies
signed by Frosty and Guy, the two guys smart enough to not buy a boat.
Send your entries to: RICKK AND THE SKIPPER c/o THE TAP 22500 S VERMONT
AVE TORRANCE CA 90502

ENTRY
#683
TUESDAY, JULY 5, 2005Remember when Bob K would launch into those long winded stories
sometimes about things he saw on the way to work or maybe a fire he
lit when he was a young boy in Canada and they would just drag on and
on and you could sort of tell he was doing it on purpose? Well today's
Honorary Crail Canadian isn't Bob K but it's long winded.

Read on as we welcome Rattlesnake Dick to The Tap:

Dick
Barter was born in Quebec City. His parents died about 1850, so he,
his brother, his sister and her husband, and a cousin moved to the U.S.
They took a wagon train to Oregon and built a home at Sweet Home, Oregon,
near Corvallis. While there, they kept hearing about the gold strikes
in California, so Dick, his cousin, and his brother headed south. The
best ore was being found on Rattlesnake Bar on the American River. But
all claims had been staked already so they had to go to work for others
for awhile. A year later, the brothers and cousin were ready to go home
but not Dick. He was confident there would be a new find. He got his
nickname when an old timer hearing of Dick's confidence said "good
for you Rattlesnake Dick." But nobody ever found anything significant.

About that time, a store owner was missing some cattle. Someone who
had a score to settle with Dick accused him of being the thief. He was
found innocent but the stigma was attached to his name. Later the same
year, a man working the north fork had a mule stolen from him. Dick
was convicted of it on the flimsy evidence that he had been in the area.
Fortunately while he was still in jail, the real thief confessed, but
the incident damaged his reputation even more. He left the area for
Shasta County, 200 miles away. He changed his name to Dick Woods for
good measure.

For two years he was left alone, doing just well enough prospecting
to support himself. At French Gulch, someone recognized him from Rattlesnake
Bar, so he left. Finally, figuring he would never live down the stories,
he actually held up someone for $400. He told him to tell everyone he'd
been robbed by Rattlesnake Dick. During 1856 he pulled many such jobs
and got away with them. The law was busy rounding up another gang of
outlaws. Once that gang was out of the way, Dick figured he'd form one
of his own. He solicited advice from one Jack Phillips, proprietor of
a sleazy inn. He knew all kinds of unsavory characters. There were plenty
to choose from. Dick chose George Skinner as his lieutenant. The rest
of the gang consisted of Cyrus Skinner, George's brother, Big Dolph
Newton, Romero, and Bill Carter. They pulled several small jobs in Placer
and Nevada Counties in California. This was practice for the big job
Dick had in mind.

He wanted to rob the pack train taking gold out of Shasta and Trinity
Counties. The challenge was how to haul away the gold. They couldn't
use the pack train's mules because they were branded with the Wells
Fargo mark. So they figured they would just steal some mules when the
time came. They scouted the best place to hit the train and where they
would hide out. The train usually left Yreka on the first of the month.

They easily got the drop on the train near the small town of Redding
and escaped to their hideout. Dick and Cyrus Skinner rode off to get
the mules. But several days passed and they did not return. The rest
of the men were nervous. George Skinner had been left in charge. He
decided to bury half the loot. The rest he divided between the four
remaining men. This made the load light enough to carry. They rode to
a hideout they had near Auburn. While there, a posse led by Wells Fargo
detective Jack Barkeley caught them. George was killed in the gunfight.
Romero was wounded. Newton and Carter surrendered. They each got ten
years at Angel Island. Carter got off because he led the posse to the
hideout where the gold was stashed.

Meanwhile, Rattlesnake Dick and Cyrus had been arrested in Placer County
for the attempted theft of mules. They escaped before trial, but Cyrus
was recaptured and sentenced to four years in the state prison. Dick
assembled a new gang. For two years he got away with more robberies
in five California counties.

On July 11, 1859, Dick was spotted in Placer County. Sheriff George
Martin and two deputies, Johnson, and Crutcher, took off in hot pursuit.
They caught up with Dick, who shot and killed Martin and wounded Johnson.
Johnson and Crutcher claim their shots hit Dick though he rode away.
A posse hunted all night but couldn't find him. The next day the Iowa
Hill stage found a dead body near the road. The stage hauled it in on
its roof top. Crutcher identified the man as Rattlesnake Dick. He had
no money so was buried at the county's expense. His share of the gold
is still buried somewhere in the hill tops