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Attachment disorder 1

Hello Fellow CYCW'S,

I am a student of CYC. I am working on
a research paper and intervention plan for the following case study.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work effectively with a boy?
(FYI, this is a fictional child).

Case Study: I am working with a boy, 8
yrs old. He was neglected as an infant and removed from home at 6 weeks.
His mother was only 15 yrs old. He spent 3 yrs moving around in foster
homes. At 3 he was adopted by his foster family, who struggled with his
behavior and they subsequently separated. He was removed from daycare
and stayed home with single mother until he went to school. He struggled
in school and finally in grade 3 his teacher had enough compassion and
empathy to contact the mother and suggest help was needed. He began a
series of assessments and worked with a therapist and was eventually dx
with Attachment disorder.

How would you work with this child?

What type of family support work would
you use?

What type of strategies would you use
to build a relationship?

Can you give three examples of change
work you would use, based on a solutions-focused approach?

What could be done to help him settle
in school, with peers and learning?

What types of activities would you use?

Actually, any help you can provide on
working effectively with this child would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for any help you
could supply.

Karen Hanlon
NL, Canada
...

Hey Karen,

Does your professor know you are asking us to
write your paper for you? Will you source us? ;)-

Play therapy is a good modality
possibly, but so, really, is some good consistent attachment. Help mom
and he develop a positive history of how to play together, because a lot
of kids who struggle with trust with parents do a lot of testing and
retesting to push parents away and that wears on a parent. Sounds like
his mom is really a gem. She needs help supporting him and remaining
unconditionally attached, hopefully she is committed already, though it
sounds like she might be.

This child will struggle for a long time with
his relationships and in my opinion no evidence based short term therapy
will in the long term be any more helpful than the maintenance of his
attachment with his mom. Sure both of them need some good skills, but no
skills will stick if he doesn't feel safe enough to use them. So I'd
focus resources on helping them stay together, say a respite scenario
that pairs mom with a foster family to co-parent the kid in a natural
way. Perhaps getting the family involved in some extended family or
multiple family attachment experience.

Depending on the isolative and therapized
history of this child, the more real life experiences he can have that
build his feelings of belonging, mastery, independence and generosity
(Brendtro Circle of Courage). Sounds like the teacher is a good resource
to maintain his connection to. Perhaps a church or other social
institution in addition to his family can be accessed to support the
family and provide 'natural' support and activities to build
attachment/belonging, mastery, generosity and independence. If your
client can develop trust with other adults over a extended period of
time (not 6-9 one-hour sessions) he can learn to value himself outside
of his parental relationship. I understand therapy will be important but
not at the expense of actual relationships, our work should be focused
on developing and maintaining relationships (and teaching those skills).

Peter DeLong,
LGSW,
PATH Minnesota.
...

Hi Karen

Sadly, I knew a young lady with a very similar
history. By the time I met her, she was in a psychiatric facility that
used a very strict behavioral model. She was 14, as I recall. She went
into restraints almost daily for periods of many months. At 18, she
transferred to the adult unit which did not rely so heavily on a
behavioral model. She did better but not well. After a few years, I
heard she went to live with her father over 1000 miles away.

I was not involved in her treatment and my
observations and suggestions were not welcome. There was no touching on
the unit, except to subdue children who had become violent. No one was
allowed to speak with children who were on restriction. She was on
restriction frequently and for long periods.

I knew for sure that talking with her, with
more listening than talking, would have helped greatly, and I am sure
you will get some excellent suggestions to begin building a
relationship. She had an interest in art when she could get materials to
draw, and was not without some talent. Art therapy might have provided
an avenue of connection (skill at drawing is not necessary for success
in art therapy). She could also play keyboards, but seldom had the
privilege to access hers. (What a program it was!)

But, in this extreme case, I always wondered
whether massage therapy, one or more times per week, might have helped.
Schools for massage therapy sometimes provide volunteer services--they
need people on whom their students can practice.

Best wishes for you both.

John Stein
New Orleans
...

Hi Karen,

Theraplay has proven to be a successful
approach to building relationships with children who are diagnosed with
attachment disorder. There is an abundance of information on line
regarding this. Evangeline Munns and Lorie Walton both specialize in
Theraplay. Building the Bonds of Attachment... is also another popular
resource, and do you think I can remember his name....

Anyways, hope this is helpful and good luck
with your paper.

Donicka Budd
...

Hi Karen,

I had a similar scenario last term for one of
my papers. I went online to my university library and found tons of
information for attachment disorder.

Good luck,

Brigitte
...

Check out Dr. Bruce Perry's work. As well As
Dr. Daniel Hughes work. I use a prescriptive approach with kids/families
(look up Dr. Charles Schaeffer's work).

When working with this type of child as a
therapist I have developed a group for parents that 1/4 of time has a
psycho-educational component to it that focuses on trauma, attachment
and management strategies. 3/4 of the group time is then allotted to
peer support. Often parents leave with creative strategies and sometimes
with the AHA moment that "I am not alone" and there are other families
struggling with kids in ways I wouldn't want to.

Respite that is regular - so that it is not
based on behavior (embarrassment and shame) so that all family members
have the opportunity to recharge and the child with the attachment
challenges increases social equity.

Family support that gives all children fun
opportunities, parents a chance to date and the child the opportunity to
see that others have rules too, however, I ensure that the family
support workers also attend at least one training on attachment and
trauma otherwise false allegations or undermining of the primary
attachment figure often occurs.

Attachment based therapy such as theraplay or
filial .. I often start work with a Marshak (MIM) assessment as it is
videotaped and helps the parents recognize where the
relationship-resistant behaviors often lie and so that a treatment plan
can be established.

If individual play therapy is appropriate - I
try to have the parent participate in some way shape or form. Again I
want to be facilitating and enhancing a stronger parent/child
attachment.

Good luck
Theresa Fraser
...

Hi Karen,

I found your post interesting and hope that my
fairly long reply is not pedantic. I am extremely interested in
attachment and work residentially with young people who have difficult
attachment histories. We promote recovery through providing a secure
base.

In my opinion, you will need to be clear about
the use of the terminology "attachment disorder" in your case study.
Attachment disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis and would usually refer
to either the DSM IV or the ICD 10 classifications, and would therefore
be, respectively, RAD (inhibited or disinhibited) or RAD / DAD. These
diagnoses are based on assessing a range of social functioning
observable before age 5, but do not consider the
relationship specific behaviours that are usually associated with
attachment, and are therefore at odds with attachment theory and
research, which emphasizes the relationship context of attachment
patterns.

Attachment theory (the best explanation we
currently have of how this primary bond functions) considers the
security of the relationship (secure or insecure) and the organization
(organized/disorganized). Some insecurely attached children, although
they may be avoidant or resistant, do have organized patterns of
attachment, however, children with disorganized attachment are always
insecurely attached and have no coherent way of getting their attachment
needs met.

Securely attached children develop an internal
working model of themselves as worthy and loveable, the attachment
figure as loving and available, and the relationship as a secure base
from which to explore the world. Children who are insecurely attached
lack this confidence.

Patterns of attachment tend to be stable over
time, and of course, the conditions that promoted the attachment
patterns in infancy are often continued in the family dynamic over the
child's life. Disorganized attachment is over-represented in clinical
groups.

Attachment theory posits developmental
pathways. The child is at the point they are now, and recovery (earned
security) happens in relationships. It is not found in regression
(Bowlby specifically rejected regression therapy). Work that is founded
on attachment theory requires that we develop understanding with the
child of their current difficulties, especially interpersonal relations,
and allow the relationship with us to become a secure base, building
enough trust to explore current relationships. It is important to
recognize that the child's difficulties are rooted in real-life
experiences, not fantasies, and to support exploration and review of
earlier experiences to improve interpersonal
relationships in here-and-now.

Hope this helps

Chris Taylor
UK

...

Hello Peter DeLong

Yes, as a matter of fact I did mention to my
instructor that I had posted on CYC-Net and yes of course I will source
any and all information I retrieve and use from any site or source. In
fact, I have asked several of my instructors the same questions I have
posted here, unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity to use the
insightful information offered by any of these sources, yours included
because my paper was due today and I passed it in yesterday. Although I
do thank you and the others for your tremendous insight and help.
Attachment disorder intrigues and I will continue to research it even
after I graduate.

Karen
...

Thank you to Chris Taylor ... I have included
in my paper the DSM IV model and the RADDX. The information you have sent me is very interesting and I am
extremely grateful for your reply.

Karen
...

Hello, I was just wondering if anyone would be
able to recommend any good books on attachment?

Davy Rantucci
Child & Youth Care Worker
Doreen Johnson House
...

Hi Karen

I can recommend 2 books on attachment which I
have found very useful they are both written by Daniel A Hughes the
first one I read was called, Building the Bonds of Attachment -
Awakening the love in deeply troubled children, this book tells the
story of a little girl who goes through many foster placements and in
between the story Dan Hughes gives his interpretation of why the child
acts in such a way and suggests strategies to put in place ho help.

The other is called Facilitating
Developmental Attachment: The road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioural
Change in Foster and Adopted Children, another excellent read.

Margaret Blyth
...

Hi Davy
There is a great deal of good stuff in journals, if you can access them.
Look out for papers by Lyons-Ruth, Sroufe, Schore, Main, Soloman,
Frayley, Carlson, Egeland, the list is endless. Attachment is a huge
area of productive research. I would wholeheartedly recommend Bowlby's
three volume work: Attachment and Loss. It is the original work
and is very readable.

Also by Bowlby (1988) A Secure Base.
These are available in reprints. A good summary of the current state of
research is Prior and Glaser Understanding Attachment and Attachment
Disorders. Don Howe's Child Abuse and Neglect, Cassidy and
Shaver (1999). Handbook of Attachment: Theory, research, and
clinical applications Cairns: Attachment, Trauma and Resilience.

Chris Taylor
...

Hi Davy,

Look up John Bowlby or Mary Ainsworth and
you'll be heading in the right direction for attachment.

It gives you an idea about life development and
possible crossroads where intervention makes a difference.

Cordially
Niels Peter Rygaard
Denmark
...

I would like to contribute the following
comments to the discussion on Attachment Theory and Therapy.

1. John Bowlby, the originator of Attachment
Theory was curious about the distress of infants separated from their
parents. As a psychiatrist, he was profoundly influenced by Darwinian
thinking and viewed attachment-seeking behaviors as adaptive responses
common to all mammalian offspring in the struggle for survival. From
this perspective, human attachment behaviors are simply complex forms of
‘imprinting’ (remember the baby duck that ‘attached’ to the farmer?).
His conclusion was that the relationship between a human mother and her
infant is essentially a matter of biological programming.

2. From this belief, Bowlby’s student Mary
Ainsworth developed a method of studying infant responses to
abandonment. Known as the “strange situation” technique, she created a
simple classification system, of infant ‘pathology.’ Good old Mary gave
us something to measure, label and treat, ensuring her a significant
place in the DSM era.

3. Having concluded that ‘disordered’ infants
are either unwilling or unable to ‘love’ their caretakers, enthusiastic
clinicians set out to develop new treatment techniques – most based upon
the assumption that such children are filled with rage that needs to be
released. In the early days, their methods were based upon deprivation
and punishment, resulting in numerous court hearings and professional
disciplinary actions. In 2006 a report commissioned by the American
Professional Society on the Abuse of Children concluded that Attachment
Therapy needed to be challenged in terms of its theory, methodology and
research claims.

4. By this time the movement had become so
entrenched that devotees fought to preserve its credibility. Yet,
despite all the humanistic jargon injected into the modified theories
and methods, I still believe its most enduring underlying assumptions
and beliefs are fundamentally flawed and tragically misguided.

5. My point is that classical Attachment Theory
is not a relational perspective at all. The bond between a mother and
her infant is a delicate two-way blend of biological, energetic,
emotional and spiritual processes. A breakdown in this union is not the
product of a ‘disordered’ child - it is the outcome of a relationship
that has been emerging from the moment of conception. Children do not
come into this world with a dysfunctional agenda.

6. Whether we are parents, psychologists or
child and youth care workers, we need to recognize that kids who don’t
like us may have very valid reasons. If there’s any pathology here, we
might begin by looking inward. Perhaps the time has come for us to grow
up and recognize the difference between bonding and bondage. Mea Culpa.

Gerry Fewster
...

A comment on G. Fewster's argument.

I entirely agree that so called "Attachment
Therapy" is a flaw.

In my opinion it was malconstructed by
non-professionals who completely misunderstood attachment theory and
simply wanted to profit, and it was created by the desperation of
parents and caretakers confronting children with a disorganized behavior
(among others, adopted children from depriving orphanages).

This has created tremendous damage to an
otherwise useful and scientifically well documented theory.

Please be very aware of the distinction:
"Attachment disordered children"
are non-existent. What you can meet are children with a disorganized or
extremely ambivalent pattern in social interaction. This is a behavior
description and not a personal label.

As stated in my paper and in Fewster's comment,
you can't separate a child's behavior from the social environment.
Dysfunctional parents become dysfunctional for a reason, and so do their
children.

Today we promote a culture of early separation
from parents and frequent replacements from one group to another in
pre-school age.

I did this because I saw so many deprived
children around the world. e.g., my project partners in Romania and the
Romanian government made a tremendous effort to close dysfunctional
orphanages and place the children in foster families. I deeply respect
these efforts, especially considering the very poor economy of the
Romanian national budget. However, when Romania became a partner in the
European Union two years ago, 2 million workers left Romania to work in
Western Europe. They left behind 400,000 youth and young children, who
now roam the streets or die from suicide or abuse.

In China, sudden industrialization has caused
early parental behavior to change. Both parents have long working hours,
and children usually go to the grandparents immediately after birth. In
daycare and kindergartens, even toddlers stay in the institution from
Sunday evening to Saturday afternoon.

It is this situation of early separation and
social mobility that is responsible for increasing numbers of children
and youth developing disorganized or antisocial behaviors, and it is
this situation we should address as professionals. Attachment theory has
some very documented recommendations about security-creating caretaker
behaviors, and these we should put to use. They apply equally to
positive standards for parental and professional behavior.

The Dynamic Maturational Model by Dr. Pat
Crittenden is the most interesting theory that I have seen on the
survival function of attachment behaviours. Dr. Crittenden's model
really moves away from a pathology based model of attachment
"disordered" behaviours to one that looks at understanding the context
of attachment behaviours as coping mechanisms and survival behaviours. I
believe that it really fits with a child and youth care relational
model. Please see her web-site at www.patcrittenden.com. When I attended
Dr. Crittenden training, I had an epiphany. Really!

Take Care
Dawne MacKay-Chiddenton
...

Hi Niels;

So what are you saying? Do we need moms to
start staying home with their children again. Do we need to try and get
back to the days when dads went out to work and the moms stayed home
with the children, would this help with some of the problems our kids
are facing and behaviours they're developing? I wonder are there any
studies done in countries where this is the norm, moms staying home and
dads working. If so, what becomes of the children? Are there fewer kids
with behaviour problems and with disorganized or extremely ambivalent
pattern in social interaction?

I don't want to sound like some kind of pig and
forgive me if I do; but maybe that's the way it was suppose to be. Maybe
women shouldn't pursue careers, maybe they should focus on the most
important career, the one men can't do, which is have kids and raise
them the way only a mother can. Maybe there should be more options in
schools for girls on how to be mothers. I wonder what would happen if we
trained girls from school days to adulthood on how to take care of a
family and a baby. Sorry everybody, I know there are a lot of draw backs
too: Less respect for women, the women's rights movement would go way
back. I'm very very sorry, I'm just going on a bit of a rant I guess.
But also maybe our society is so preoccupied with making money and
having respect in our careers that we've all just become assholes! I
know so many stay-at-home moms that are depressed because whenever they
tell someone what they do the response is "oh, you're just a
stay-at-home mom", so they try and go back to school and "better
themselves", when really their family needs them, and their kids miss
out on having their mom at home.

It's not just moms either: plumbers, janitors,
all these people with "crap" jobs, get no respect either, when some of
the happiest people I've met have been people with these jobs, because
they get that sense of accomplishment from their work, do you know what
I mean? I know, I know why the hell am I talking about janitors? Sorry,
must be another rant. I also know our field is made up mostly of women
and it's great to have women in it, these kids who never had a caring
mom, get one in these group homes. But then again if we trained women
how to take care of their kids maybe we wouldn't need so many group
homes. No matter what women are going through (drug abuse, alcohol
abuse, etc.) they still always love and care about their kids, and maybe
if they knew the severity of what they were doing (because they were
taught it their whole life) they would be less likely to do it. Maybe.
But Maybe not, what the hell do I know. Again sorry everybody, please
forgive me, I'm still learning. Be kind. God bless you all.

Davy Rantucci
Child & Youth Care Worker
Bosco Homes
...

I didn't read the original email, so I'll just
be replying to this one.

First issue: I doubt there are studies in
countries where it is the "norm" for mothers to stay home and fathers go
off to work, given that this is hardly the norm anywhere anymore, if it
ever was. We could look back to a time when it was more common for women
to stay home and men go to work to see if there were fewer children with
behavioural issues. But, we are always prejudiced by the present day, so
to "harken back to the glory days" is extremely inaccurate. Humans have
always had "behavioural issues", it's how we deal with and categorize
these issues that has changed.

I don't think you sound like a pig for
believing that a child has the best shot at a stable life when the home
life is stable. It's just that stability can look like many different
things for different people.

You also mention training women on how to raise
children in a formal setting. I have a few issues with this, probably
most obviously the idea that only women can successfully raise children.
This also assumes that all women are naturally destined to raise
children. It's a natural role for women to take, given what is involved
in creating new people, but it is a role not limited by gender. Takes a
village.

Also, parenting is not a skill to be taught
second period after English and before gym class. I had a class called
"family studies" in high school where we went over different areas of
family life, and this is valuable. But being a parent is something we
learn through observation, through interacting with others, through
being raised ourselves. It can be supported in a school setting, but you
can't "teach" attachment (I think it's modeled). Unfortunately, a lot of
kids grow up in unhealthy environments and develop "issues", but this is
where the village ideally comes in.

Next - It's not that women staying home and
taking care of the household would knock the "women's rights movement"
way back. Rights are gained when women have the option of staying home
or developing a career, or doing both. It's choice.

When we're talking about mothers staying home
and youth in group care we're talking about two different kettle o'
fish. There is no magic equation where A + B = group care. There are too
many factors that influence how we end up the way we end up.

"But then again if we trained women how to take
care of their kids maybe we wouldn't need so many group homes." It's a
lot to assume that it's women who are largely responsible for messing up
the kids. There is no magic bullet to solve the problems we face as a
society. But heck, if "Mothering 101" is it, I'm all for it.

Evelyn
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
...

That was the best jaw dropping exercise I've
had in a long time!

Did I miss the updates on a new study linking
the female gender as the sole gender capable of creating attachment
disorder?

I couldn't help but wonder about the values of
community; regardless of gender....many communities have the strong
value for raising children. All genders have a valuable role in these
communities and many tasks can cross gender roles; aboriginal
matriarchal communities, Scandinavian etc.. .

Wouldn't it be nice to see that value of
community 'unity' stretch into the minds and hearts of all. I'm certain
that when that is embraced many of the north American stereotypical
issues would dissipate somewhat...I'm thinking of Nordic countries where
parental leaves to raise children are a norm embraced and supported by
government and where the countries values are behind raising children
and it's not the sole responsibility of a female to own the weight of a
social 'malady'.

I am eager to see the social norm shift to hold
a stronger expectation for the male genders duty to the family (women?);
why given the issues of abandonment the stereotypical male role model
imposes on families,( both emotionally and economically ) because of his
need to ... and the unspoken permission we give as a society...it's no
wonder the female role is so dysected! (figuratively and literally)

On that point I end - look for a next point on
the dysectin of women in society!

Kim a.k.a. Grandma K,
...

Hi Davy

Human children are resilient. Secure attachment
requires "good enough" care, from adults who have their own needs met
too. The choice of attachment figure is not influenced by being
biological parents, being female, satisfying physical needs, or
providing continuous care. It is the quality of the interaction that is
important in order for attachment to develop.

Time and/or primary caring do not seem to be in themselves significant.
What does matter is that there is fun and playfulness, and sensitive
responsiveness to the infant's thoughts and feelings. Individuals who
provide fun and playfulness are sought out and are missed when absent.

Parents who respond contingently to a child's utterances, by
elaborating, developing and negotiating, promote development. Other
reinforcing experiences are: feeding, face-to-face play, physical
contact, and providing comfort during episodes of distress. The
continuous and predictable provision of comfort, shared emotions, shared
understanding (intersubjectivity), safety and the satisfaction of
physical needs in time leads to the development in the infant of trust,
security and attachment.

When I first posted about attachment I had no
idea of the length of time my
questions would bounce around and of the extent of the conversation, but
I
truly am glad that I did. However, I think there are many myths that
need
to be exposed before society can fully understand how to nurture and
gain
from it. I don't think that being a stay at home mom is really that bad,
nor is a working mom... with the right supports in place anything is
possible. I was a stay at home mom for a number of years, and I did go
back
to school after my child was in the best place possible for him at that
time. I don't have any regrets. It's about balance and love, I had
amazing support from my husband and he bonded with our child as well as
I
did. When I was unable to hold and embrace our wee baby, he did it just
as
tenderly as I did. He still does to this day, when I am in school he
does
what needs to be done for our child. As I said, a mother is extremely
important for a child and bonding is important, but so is a dad and
other
supports as well. It's a matter of nurturance and love... balanced with
confidence and understanding.

I have learned so much from this post and from
the individuals who have
responded as I have learned so much from being a mom.... but the
greatest I
have learned is from being a mom...

Karen
CYC Student
...

Hi all

There has been a lot of very interesting
discussion about attachment disorder, prompted as I recall by a student
writing a paper that she has already turned in. Nevertheless, the
discussion has been fun and informative.

And Niels Rygaard's arcticle in this month's
CYC-online offers one of the most concise and comprehensive treatises on
child development I have seen, along with stzrategies for intervention
throughout childhood and into adulthood.

This month's CYC-online, by the way, is jammed
full of interesting articles that are relevant to recent discussions in
the email group. In my opinion, one of the best issues, but perhaps only
because of my own orientation and interests.

John Stein
New Orleans
...

I agree 100% with Chris.

Geoffrey Levy
...

That there are no studies doesn't mean that
there are no such places. See traditional Moslem countries (Saudi
Arabia, for example), and ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel. In both
cultures, woman's place is in the home -- period.

David Macarov
...

It is also useful to note that the young people
I care for have all had 'stay at home' mothers and it is the domestic
violence, drug and alcohol use and lifestyle that have directly affected
the young people's ability to form secure attachments not the fact that
they go out to work

Annette Steedman
...

Subject: your rant

Having a bad day?
I started to answer you with a long rant, then erased it.

Then I wrote a more thoughtful terribly long
bit that made me realize I need to write it up as an article, maybe
something longer. Thank you. I needed a non-fiction project and you have
helped me focus. A lot of help, eh? I'll let you know when I've got it
done. Okay, here's the short of it.

Mainly, I believe kids who are acting out are
trying to take responsibility for themselves; it's the teen version of
terrible twos. The problem is that they are so in the NOW that their
choices are often destructive for the long run.

My recommendations, based on professional and
personal experience:

Start by developing your own long-range life goals, with intermediate
and short term goals (so you can share it with them and get respect
often missing for a poorly paid person in your position). If you intend
to stay in your current position, that'll floor them, but you should
have other personal goals for growth, family, whatever, so they can see
that you're not living day to day with no plans for the future.

Then let them know there are lots of old people
out there who never thought they'd see 30, and get them to articulate &
write down what they want to be doing at 18, 21, 30. (I have lots of
ideas on how to do this). Then guide them in discovering what steps they
need to take to get there, and write them down. DON'T write down the
negatives, things they should not do. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. Be more
detailed with what needs to be done in the next few weeks. KEEP a copy.

The next time you meet one on one, pull out
both copies and make notes of whatever progress they've made toward
their long-range goals (got their homework turned in half the time? step
in the right direction, good). Fill in any more details they've figured
out. If they bring up anything they've done that works against the plan,
or if it's this huge thing they know you know, give it short work. That
didn't help, much, did it, well, make a better choice next time. Does it
change anything you need to do? (It might add things, if they need to
make court dates or such.) Oh, and did they ask what you've been doing
on your plan? Make sure you are making progress, too, or share if you've
gotten off course (might have led to a new direction or might need to
get back on track).

It works.

Yeah, this is the shortest version. I'm sending
before I write anything else. Check out my website (link below). My
novel might help you or coworkers open up discussion.

I do not think that what is missing in our
society and in the lives of the children we work with rests on the
shoulders of women. What is missing is FAMILY! TWO parents in a child's
life that work together to create an environment where the child feels
safe and loved and is then able to explore and experience the world but
have a safe place to come back to.

I believe our society places to much value on
success and financial stability and not enough time on relationships and
love. Last year I spent 6 months living in Brazil and was struck by the
difference in values. People were genuinely interested in building
relationships and cared about each other more than their schedules. We
don't have time to build attachments our day planners don't allow for
it, if our North American culture is so concerned with children building
attachments perhaps we should consider putting down our phones, taking
out our head phones and starting to listen to one another.

I agree with Neil's statement that "you can't
separate a child's behavior from the social environment". If we are
raising children in an individualistic society how can we expect them to
learn to create attachments when everything else screams just take care
of yourself. For the majority of these children their social environment
is the internet, or what is being modeled for them by the adults in
their lives which from what I see is often made up of people running
from one thing to another, without staying anywhere long enough to have
a chance to attach.

Perhaps if we want tchildren to develop
stronger attachments we need to have a paradigm shift in society where
we start modeling true relationships and valuing one another. Offering
applause to the Father who is taking a personal day from work to see his
son's soccer game instead of grumbling that he is missing a meeting.
After all, love will always prevail ... yet the datebook seems to haunt
us.

Kat Born
(Child and Youth Care Student)
...

Davy, I agree with what you're saying about
money and the fact that we need to focus on relationships and caring for
one another rather than just throwing money at kids and hoping they find
their way. How is a teen supposed to deal with money and no one to guide
them? I think that your idea for a class for girls in high school would
be a good one, but I think that they should offer it for boys as well.
Teaching young boys how to be a good father and how to support their
child would be the best thing for their future children. A child needs
love, caring and support from both parents to thrive.

Maybe more mothers should stay home, but what
happens if their husband leaves them? They have to go out and get a job
to make ends meet and if they never had a proper education they will be
forced into low paying jobs. If they are low paying she will have to get
more than one which reduces the amount of time she can spend creating an
attachment with her child. There are negatives no matter which way you
look at it. I don't think it's as simple as saying women need to stay
home or having a class to teach women to be good mothers.

This is a very complex issue and it's hard to
make a blanket remedy for situation.

Leah Desjardins
______

THE INTERNATIONAL CHILD AND YOUTH CARE NETWORK (CYC-Net)
Registered Non-Profit and Public Benefit Organisation in the
Republic of South
Africa (031-323-NPO, PBO 930015296)