Friday, October 8, 2010

WOMEN'S ATTIRENorth: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket. South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara (waterproof), concealer, and a bottle Perrier. Wallet not necessary-that's what dates are for. This was forwarded to me, looks right to me.

STADIUM SIZENorth: College football stadiums hold 20,000.South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000

GETTING TICKETSNorth: 5 days before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.South: 5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAMENorth: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going because they have class on Friday.South: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class on Friday.

PARKINGNorth: An hour or two before game time the university opens the campus for game parking. South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.

GAME DAYNorth: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day "Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots from up North who wonder why Game Day is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATINGNorth: Wieners on the grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie &the Blowfish, who come over during breaks and ask for a couple bottles of beer.

GETTING TO THE STADIUMNorth: You have to ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it you walk right in with no line. South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state's third largest city.

CONCESSIONSNorth: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot-filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.

WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYEDNorth: Stands are less than half full.South: 80,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORENorth: Nothing changes.South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)North: "My, this is a violent sport."South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch! Tackle him and break his legs!!!"

AFTER THE GAMENorth: The stadium is empty before the game ends.South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.