The Secret To Being An Expert Spy? Man Juice. Lots Of It.

September 23rd, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

I’m a huge fan of the Cold War, and all the espionage and tactics that went into it. For a while now, I’ve felt that I missed my calling as a suave-ass spy like James Bond. Let’s ignore the fact that I’m neither suave, nor particularly adroit at anything other than stubbing my toe and not washing myself. This unspoken feeling was confirmed yesterday when I came across the news that I possess en masse an essential quality that all spies must have: semen.

A member of staff close to “C”, Frank Stagg, said that he would never forget his bosses’ delight when the Deputy Chief Censor said one day that one of his staff had found out that “semen would not react to iodine vapour.” Stagg noted that “we thought we had solved a great problem”.

Amazing. It explains a lot of things, namely why Bond was always around slamming the hottest chick he could find. You think he was doing it for love of the flesh? The temptation to sin? Hardly, dudes. The man was merely manufacturing some ink to go about writing some reconnaissance files. After all these years, we finally have a greater understanding of Bond, and the spy archtype. Philanders? More like poets.

Furthermore, it brings great joy to know that I have enough secret spy ink on my futon to pen The Long Telegram. I’ve been training to be a spy for so many years, without even knowing it.