Anchorage, Alaska.Sunrise, 9:17 am. Sunset, 4:14 pm. A total of 6 hours and 57 minutes of daylight. A loss of 4 minutes and 45 seconds from yesterday. Tomorrow, a loss of 5 minutes from today.

The sun is a low, pale attempt.

Snow is late and warm gusts of wind kept us awake last night. Ice won't set in places. Trusted glassy river thoroughfares are unreliable or rotten. In Tuluksak, a community of 400 upriver from Bethel, families sacrificed hundreds of pounds of thawing winter meat when they lost power for a week. A recent study indicated that for each 5 degree increase in latitude (a distance of about 345 miles), the rate of suicide increases by 18%. The state of Alaska encompasses nearly 20 degrees of latitude.

Even though researchers claim this last loss isn't seasonal, all of this loss is still real.

And I can feel my own constitution slipping, though I wonder about the reality of it. I question the authenticity of the emotion. Its validity. Its source.The descent is slow and quiet.Recognizable.Familiar.Dark.A stiff curl inward.

Old Friend. I know you. I name you:you are the fear that accompanies the end of an endeavor,

Paula—Thank you for your kind words. And yes, mid July, when the sunlight is still searing our retinas at 10:30 pm in Anchorage, we yearn for darkness, for blankets, for what we tell ourselves will be nights of 10-hour sleep stretches instead of 5. The experience, itself, is inspiration. I choose it. XO Amy

Moody and powerful, Amy! I could not live in Alaska with the lack of sunlight... I found it interesting that Roosevelt's son, Kirby, was very active in getting recognition for Native artists and was based up there in some kind of cultural capacity. He had gone to the Amazon on a trip with his father and I read the book Roosevelt wrote about it and was interested in learning more about him because of it. It turns out that Kirby suffered from depression and eventually killed himself up there. Now they link it to not getting enough sunlight. So, this can be serious stuff... You can get those lamps to help you if you need it.

I also had a lot of dreams about my teeth rotting or turning black when I was in college. Back then, they thought it had to do with self confidence. I haven't researched it since, but it's an interesting thought. We didn't grow up with fluoride in the water and a visiting dentist said that our area in Brazil was poor in calcium, so all of us have soft teeth, although our bones are strong for some reason...

Love the quilt!

Rachel

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Amy Meissner

Artist in Anchorage, Alaska, sometimes blogging about the collision of history, family & art, with the understanding that none exists without the other.​