Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5263

Powerful Tranquilizer
A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.
After checking the chart and listening to the wife's ceaseless chatter, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.
The man asked: "How often do I take these?"
"Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor: "They're for your wife."
Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5264

Preemptive Strike
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks: "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache," he replies.
"I don't have a headache," she says.
"Gotcha!"
Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5265

It Has A Ring To It
A man goes to his GP and the doctor finds he has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on it and tells the patient to come back the next day.
"It's all cleared up!" the man reports when he returns. "What was the medication you gave me?"
"Lipstick remover."
Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5266

Downsizing
A woman comes home to find her husband in bed with a female dwarf. Furious, she screams: "You promised you wouldn't cheat again!"
The husband replies: "I know, I know, but at least I'm trying to cut down."
Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5267

Bubba
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day: "I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff: "OK, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Though impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks his acquaintanceship with Cruise was just lucky.
"No, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says. "I know him. Let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying: "Bubba, what a surprise! I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in. Let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba, "I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square, when Bubba says: "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs, and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says: "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and the man next to me said, 'Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'"
Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5268

Guessing Game
88-year old Mabel walks into the recreational room of an old people's home.
Holding her clenched first in the air, she proclaims, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
"An elephant," a distressed old man calls out.
Mabel thinks for a moment and says, "Close enough."
Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5269

Fitting Punishment
Three men were captured by female savages and told their penises would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs. The first man was a lumberjack, so his was chopped off. The second man was a butcher, so his was sliced off.
When they got to the third man, he was rolling about on the ground in hysterics.
"What's so funny?" asked his captors.
The man replied, "I work for Hoover."
Ryan Murphy