Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Don't Make Santa Claus Mad

Among the characters I
portray for Historic Washington State Park are Dr. Purdom, Judges Conway and
Royston and a Confederate codger named Danny. The park wardrobe department
provides an authentic wool suit, complete with top hat. Because of the pretty
vest, that outfit accentuates a part of my anatomy I am trying unsuccessfully
to control, namely my belly. Sporting that feature along with my little round
period glasses, I suppose I looked a bit like Santa Claus at last Saturday’s
Christmas and Candlelight event at the park.

Maybe that’s why the mayor’s
wife called me aside and told me she and the mayor were part of a progressive
dinner soon and they wanted me to portray Father Christmas for it. You see, the
park has a very beautiful bishop’s costume, as well as extravagantly realistic
whiskers, worn by the person designated as Father Christmas as he roams around
the park greeting people and handing out peppermint during the two evenings of
Christmas and Candlelight. I have never been asked to perform that role until
the First Lady of Washington approached me about it.

So, I have been
studying the real St. Nicholas whom I shall portray at the dinner in a couple
of weeks. I found out some interesting things about this historical figure,
including the report that he was a signer of the Nicene Creed, having been a
prime mover in that Council. Here is as far as I have gotten in my preparation
for my portrayal.

“Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen. I have come to you here in Washington from the third century. My
home is in the village of Patara in what is now Turkey. My folks were quite
wealthy, but they died while I was young, leaving me a considerable
inheritance, which I used to help the sick and the poor in Patara. Because of
my zeal and deep belief in Our Lord, I was eventually made bishop of Myra.

“That is why I carry
this shepherd’s staff. Bishops traditionally use this curved stick as a symbol
of their office and as a depiction of what they do. They reach out with the
crook to rescue and bring in; they urge the recalcitrant along with the other
end; they use it to fight off any entity that would attack their sheep.

“Once I rescued three
sisters from a poor family who had no dowry. They were unable to marry and
would have doubtless been sold into slavery. So I tossed three bags of gold
into their stockings as they dried above the fireplace, so that the next
morning they found themselves saved. Another time, a ship full of wheat was
docked in my town and I convinced the sailors to give me half the wheat for the
poor, assuring them that it would be restored as they sailed to their
destination. They gave me the wheat and later reported that it had been
miraculously restored when they arrived in Constantinople.

“And, I hesitate to
relate this, but Roman Bishop Arius was close to apostate at the Nicene Council
and I smacked him in his heresy spewing mouth. Yes, Santa Claus can get mad.”