Lisa: Aunts Patty and Selma, can you help us pick out a Mother’s Day gift?Selma: You can give her one of these, the Kitchen Carnival.Patty: We got one when we appeared on an episode of The Price is Right, which the network refused to air.Selma: Apparently, we’re not “TV pretty.”Lisa: Wow! It’s a machine that makes carnival food at home!Bart: Endorsed by the American Carny Association.– The Fat and the Furriest (The Simpsons Season 15 – Episode 5)

Sometimes there are food and drink products that exist in The Simpsons universe that I simply cannot buy or reproduce. Thus, I present to you: I Want It! An Eats Like A Duck feature where I yearn to breathe free…I mean yearn for products that don’t or can’t currently exist.

Happy almost Mother’s Day! Kitchen Carnival is the ultimate Mother’s Day gift for a certain kind of women, the type who wants a combined deep fryer, cotton candy machine, and caramel dip.

The Kitchen Carnival is basically one of the greatest inventions ever conceived and the fact that I can’t own one causes me immense sadness and rage. I could make about 90% of my meals with this one device…and probably need to get my foot amputated from diabetes within a few weeks, but what a few weeks that would be! In that time I would live more than most people ever have as I frolicked in a cotton candy forest of my own creation while nibbling on deep fried carrots, eating them with caramel sauce teeth. Of course, all frolicking would cease soon after – what with the foot removal and all. Why does reality always have to wedge it’s way into my fantasies?

I want it!
I want it!
I want it!

I Want It!: Kitchen Carnival From: The Fat and the Furriest (The Simpsons Season 15 – Episode 5)