Tories discover just the place for whispering

By Frank Johnson

12:01AM GMT 28 Oct 2003

Wherever two Conservative backbenchers sat near each other in the Chamber yesterday they tended to be in animated conversation. This was unusual.

Normally, they do not talk to colleagues; mainly because they often come into the Chamber to avoid having to do. But yesterday, among others, Nicholas Soames (C, Mid Sussex) and David Cameron (C, Witney) talked to each other. So did a man and a woman, Julie Kirkbride (C, Bromsgrove) and Andrew Mackay (C, Bracknell).

And those two being married too! Presumably, they chose the Chamber for this assignation because - without the corridors alive with plotting colleagues - it was the place where they would be least likely to be seen.

But, for legal reasons, I should point out that they are married to each other. Neither is noted for being an IDS loyalist. Each voted for Mr Portillo last time. What were they talking about that they could have resolved over breakfast? We can but imagine.

Related Articles

"At last! You agree with me. Face it, she's the worst au pair we've ever had . . . I never voted for her. I told you to get an Austrian, and you got an Australian."

Not that I seriously suggest that MPs would use the Chamber for so important a conversation. It was assumed that they were talking about those 25 signatures.

So too, it was assumed, were Mr Cameron and Mr Soames. For their conversation, those two rose from the main backbenches and retired to one of the side benches. But perhaps Mr Soames was advising the younger man: "Take my advice, dear boy, don't get involved with this game."

Mr Cameron: "I agree. But if the worst happens to Iain, I'm for Howard."

Mr Soames: "Me too. The game to avoid is grouse, pheasant and partridge at most London clubs and restaurants. It's been a very bad season."

In due course, Miss Kirkbride and her husband left the Chamber. Shortly afterwards, Mr Cameron and Mr Soames did too. But, on the way, Mr Soames paused and spoke to John Horam (C, Orpington).

Mr Horam has been a Labour MP, an SDP MP, and is now a Conservative MP. Mr Soames, a former Guards captain, was presumably instructing him: "If Iain goes, every vote will count. So look here, Horam! See to it you don't change parties again until after our leadership election, even though I know it's your hobby."

Mr Horam: "Very good, sir. But could you remind me? Which party am I in at the moment?"

Mr Soames: "That depends on who you'd vote for if Iain goes."

Mr Horam: "I'm thinking of backing David Davis."

Mr Soames: "You're Labour."

Through all this coming and going, the two front benches tried to get on with Home Office Questions, a statement to do with Northern Ireland, and a debate on Nato and the proposed European army. At Home Office Questions, Crispin Blunt (C, Reigate) - at least while he spoke, one of the only two Tory MPs to have made known that he was one of the threatened 25 signatures - sought reassurances concerning phone-tapping. I do not believe that the Tory whips are efficient enough to tap Mr Blunt's phone.

For the Ireland statement, Mr Duncan Smith suddenly appeared on the front bench. Doubtless this was because of the importance he attached to the subject. But Quentin Davies, the shadow Northern Ireland secretary, to whom the Speaker had granted an urgent question on arms decommissioning, is one of his best friends. Best friends of Mr Duncan Smith have a rarity value at the moment.