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Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away

A lot of people are sick of 2016. Usually I’m kinda sad when a year is over. Time flies so fast, especially the older you get. It always feels like we’re saying goodbye to something or someone we’ll never see again. In this case, good. Please don’t come back. It’s been a seriously crappy year.

For many 2016 has been like the roommate from Hell. That loud mouth breather you can hear through the walls, walks around in his underwear, never fills ice trays, clogs the toilet, occasionally makes racist remarks, and then he kills an 80s pop icon. 2016 is that guy.

Much anger was directed at the year when it looked like it might take Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia from us, and I’m totally with you on that one. Even Jabba didn’t wanna kill her. He just wanted to chain her up in a gold bikini and we can’t really hate The Hutt for that. With the death of George Michael yesterday (the singer from Wham!, not the Sports Machine guy. Yeah, I barely know who he is either), a lot of people were cursing at 2016. Well, if they weren’t making light of the fact he died on Christmas day and one of Whams!’s biggest hits was a song called “Last Christmas.” Irony. He should have written a song called “Never Ever Ever Gonna Die At least Not in 2016 I Won’t.” But he didn’t. And you were peeved last week when Zsa Zsa Gabor and Florence Henderson died. Much of humanity is fed up with 2016 and want it to cut it short a week early.

But can we really blame a year for celebrity deaths? I mean Zsa Zsa was old. She was 99. Yeah, maybe 2016 could have waited and let the old bird reach 100, but still. And we can’t blame it for taking Abe Vigoda at age 94. You probably thought he was already dead. I did.

But the year did take major talent from us. We lost David Bowie, Arnold Palmer, Harper Lee (who wrote my favorite book), Garry Shandling, Muhammad Ali, Kenny Baker (R2-D2), Leonard Cohen, Anton Yelchin who was only 27, Gene Wilder, and Prince.

We can get angry at 2016 for taking someone brilliant like Gene Wilder who was responsible for Young Frankenstein but he also gave us the Woman In Red and that movie sucked as much as 2016. That movie even killed Stevie Wonder’s brilliance as it featured the song “I Just Called To Say I Love You.” Nobody ever called Stevie again. We should blame 1984. But can we really blame it for taking drug addicts? If we’re gonna point fingers then how about all those years Prince was pumping his body full of prescription drugs?

We should not be angry at 2016 for all it’s taken from us. No. What we should do is get royally pissed for what it gave us. For starters, I turned 50 and I still haven’t gotten over that one. Curse you, 2016! Curse you to Hell!

It also gave us the largest freaking disaster to ever strike our country. Donald Trump. Eff you, 2016. Thanks for that load of crap. That’s like the drunk at the bar who loads the jukebox with repeats of “It’s Raining Me,” leaves and makes everyone else live with it. Oh the humanity! Screw you, 2016.

But what was this year thinking? We gave you two choices and it was very obvious which way to go. we gave you the most qualified individual to ever run for the presidency who will keep the nation moving in a progressive direction, and an illiterate orange tiny-finger racist narcissist with a self control problem. So which one do you choose to give the button to? Tiny-Fingered Cheeto Potentate, that’s who! So yeah, 2016, get out of here. Don’t come back. It’s time to move onto the future. A 2017 full of promise and hope and a presidency of Donald Trump.

I hate 2017 already.

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