Mercury Retrograde Fuqery

Zany astro right? If you are a subscriber, please make sure you read the Daily Mystic for Wednesday as it explains the what the fuqery in more depth.

I have NO front door due a couch being delivered apparently in another dimension and NO identity (birth certificate/passport also in alt dimension) and the it-appeared-suddenly-as-Mercury-went-Retrograde-amazing-office-space offer is, in fact, massively skewing toward the weird the more i know of it.

YES even astrologers get offers etc during Mercury Retrograde and think WOW that’s epic, who cares, right? or schedule a couch delivery and then watch as the things turn farcical only without cute Channing Tatum type characters.

Plus, of course, throbbing away in the background, is the jungle paleo pulse of Jupiter-Uranus, prepping us for the Zap Zone of April.

But hey, the Daily Horoscopes for Thurs are up, the Tarot is coming along magnificently – it is over 100,000 words and they’re being refined now AND i am about to put up a post about P.I.A.B. t-shirts.

329 thoughts on “Mercury Retrograde Fuqery”

I have been on holidays for a few weeks and went back today but when I got there they
Said’ What are you doing here’ you come back next week. Bullshit I only put down until 17th! Something fishy me thinks. Really want to give them the flick anyway. You did say a lot about work in the Taurus stars so true Mystic!

No kidding its weird. I think I saw the girl I like again(I mentioned her a long time ago), but its been so long I am not even sure, and….. I didn’t feel the same intensity I used to, and she made an effort to look away from me a certain way(which is why I think its her) so she might even be upset how much I wussed out. And today was such a good day before that, and there was weird synchronicity( stuff I can’t explain tho) leading up to this, over the course of weeks, and it got its most intense today. And then there she was, and I couldn’t even tell.
So, when I passed her today, it was when I got out of class early, so I made a note of the time, and I’ll leave class early next time and see if I see her again. I don’t even know if its her, but either way, if I am lucky and she passes by there by routine instead of this being a one-off, I will see her again, and I’ll try to go for it. Yeesh. Otherwise, I can’t even wrap my head around the implications, it feels like everything is just dissolving away or something. And I know it sounds dumb, but I guess deep down I was hoping eventually I would see her again, and the intensity of how she makes me feel combined with the fact she is was in to me would make everything all work out. It was a possible deus ex machina floating in the background, and now it might not even be possible on multiple levels. A kind of far off dream/delusion I didn’t know how much I was putting in to, even if I am not counting on it.

So… I don’t even know, I didn’t think things could get weirder then they were, but with the sun in pisces today things did, and apparently its going to get even weirder AND my birthday coming up and all that pisces stuff and neptune approaching being exact on my DC. I haven’t read the comments in a few days, hope everyone else is handling this stuff ok.

So agree: thank FUQ for Pisces energy, Calypso, darlin’. (Aqua – where my Saturn is, opp natal Mars – always has me on edge too)
You are in my thoughts re the court thing, given that I spent two years of my life working on changing FL here in Oz parliament some 15 years ago, before the latest changes (many of which I am dubious about). .
It will, of course, all work out ok for you, because whatever minor merc inspired lapses you might think you have (your comment below), your basic compass/judgement/heart are bang on, honey x.

ya my mars is at 9 cancer, so all this zap zone stuff is doing a number on it, and ya I plan on doing something either way, pretty sure its her though.
I am preferring the pisces energy too, even with this particular thing I would prefer things happening to limbo

“schedule a couch delivery and then watch as the things turn farcical only without cute Channing Tatum type characters”

Have this covered.
New 2nd hand Natuzzi suite lounge off eBay. We buy a new lounge suite every year, $500 bucks no more.
This set was our best in the last three years, in excellent condition, cream leather, uber comfy.

so weird, I also had a couch delivered last week! no mishaps, the guys were sweet as. I looked 2nd hand but there were so many ugly puffy lounges out there, I gave up! Your Natuzzi sounds like a score Andy, and you buy one every year? I feel so useless now, having put up with crap for 7 years…but at least I’m onto it now right? In fact I think i’m cleaning up al outstanding “situations”. I’m beginning to think Saturn in Scorp sextile Cap Mars. It’s y new favourite transit, I might go on about it a bit for a while

Aw don’t feel useless Cal, my GemHub is Cap NN with Jupiter Rising and Merc/Venus in Gem. It’s a winning combo for buying stuff! I never find anything. He just turns on the computer and stuff is there. Also we try to buy only really good deals (easy using Auction Sniper).

And to be fair, this not the type of thing I would buy myself.. I compromise by buying awesome ethnic cushions instead of a fantabulous couch.

Well anon, I buy mine according to the damage they have sustained. One year in our house is probably 10 in yours. Do you have kids? Are they boys? Do they have ASD? Are any of them Capricorn? You make the equation you like out of that.

And is it a waste if we pass it on to people who can’t afford a new couch?
Is that alright with you?
Is there anything else you would like to know?
Scratch that, I am actually very busy looking at pictures of Toshiro Mifune on Pinterest right now…

maybe there’s something int he skies making peeps judgey or self-righteous. There seems to be a bit of it about. Good for you for being able to swing out of it Anon. I was just ignoring you before because really, anyone with any insight into Andromeda would know she wasn’t like that. It’s a much better use of our time and energy to bond over Mifune

Just committed to collecting a fancy rat female and sliver with ruby eyes
from 70 kms away. She is 5 months old and very pretty.
Have been without a pet to love since my 2 boys Jack & Henry died.
Not a Cat woman, and not even born in year of rat. They have no impact on environment and their nuggets go onto the pot plants for fertiliser.
Let’s hope she doesn’t cost me a couple of grand in vets fees like the rescued boys!
As it is not equipment or machine, Mercury may not interfere.
The goddess of rats will be pleased as she says they are re-incarnated souls of poets. EEK a Rat!
‘There’s a rat in ma kitchen what i’m a gonna do’…an old reggae song

Rats are the reincarnated souls of poets? Really? Where is this from? I know the Ganesha myth but that is about it. I am always interested in rats, given that one saved my life. Maybe it was Pablo Neruda?

Karni Marta is the seer-goddesses name. There is a temple in India where the rats are considered sacred and have keepers.
The one i was going to collect up at woop woop is 2 years old, so no go, but have found:
Lil Rose Rattery in the hills of Adders and THAT’S where i’m a going as hers are specially bred and extremely loved up. The best pix on her FB.
They are truly the most fun ecologically sound pet you can have, a cross between a dog cat & monkey

Ooooh I LOVE LOVE LOVE rats! Always have. Do not get the way people freak out about them. There so gorgeous and yes MM I can believe a rat would save your life. They are smart and scrappy and utterly heroic in the most staunchly Gemini kind of of social climbing way! They are the Lilith of the rodent genre Speaking of Lilith (like I need an excuse) but I just saw Coco Before Chanel.
Tears, just wow.
Mercury retro. Lol I hadn’t noticed!
Yep was 2 hours late for a tryst with my lover this morning. Crazy as I had planned my journey by the minute. He’d flown in and was here for 3 hours
Merde!!!
Good thing I wore him out after one hour.
I said, “see you’re fired, you useless man!”
He said, “sorry miss, I’ll just get my things and go.” Ha!
Also….
I somehow managed to get paid for last week, despite not turning in a single word.
My editor’s email decided to act up and all my mails to him had vanished into his spam folder. Totally bizarre and he hasn’t a clue how it happened but thinks it may have been the profanity (Mais Non! Non est posibile
Oui.
So I wanna say, THANK YOU MERCURY RETROGRADE
Oh I’m giving a seminar called “get psychically pass agg and make the Mercury retrograde work for you!”
Only ten dollars. First 100 people to enrol get half price.
Obviously I’m kidding…about the seminar
It’s a webinar.
Lol
No, sorry.
Jokes jokes
My good mood has become silly.
I just f-ing luv this astro
My accountant cancelled our big meeting which was scheduled for Thursday and which I was dreading because I need to straighten a few things out re how we’re going to tax this advance with my editor first and that meeting is only on Friday.
Also my UK phone is not set up yet as genius over here misplaced my sim so am blissfully free of ringing phone or annoying texts and iMessage. Perfect excuse, my phone is not set up. Smiles and passive aggressively shrugs. I have to watch Coco again. Need to look up her astro. She is magnificent. Uber Uranian, Jupiter, Pluto, Chiron, Lilith would be my guess. I know she had a Leo sun but I had no idea she was so fierce. I love her Declaration of Independence re having no intention of marrying anyone and how she turns her pain into art. Obviously the clothes too. All that boyish equestrian stuff en Frencais aussi ..perfait! Does anyone else think the actor Alesandro Nivola is a bit of alright? He plays her lover, Boy in this and is also Francis McDomand’s love interest, Ian McNight in Laurel Canyon. Gorgeous Film too. He’s remarkable as a character actor for someone so young and tasty. Quite remarkable, I didn’t recognise him the first time I watched it. About to watch film Coco for the 3rd time. Hey it’s mercury retrograde and I want to max it out. xoxoxo
Sorry to hear about people experiencing the less pleasant aspects of MR and don’t mean to appear smug re my relative ease with it this week. Ok I will shut up now.
Lol

I super-randomly got my dream living situation (well, you know…within budget) today. I wasn’t even actively looking but it was so perfect. But I was flipping out before handing over the deposit and signing the papers. Like it was too easy! What’s going to go wrong, because OF COURSE something has to go wrong, right? It’s Mercury retro, RIGHT? My reaction gave me a hardcore wakeup call about how I see the world. Maybe things are only hard because I anticipate them being hard.

But my new landlady is like this awesome 60 year old kirtan musician/retired teacher whose whole house is essentially a giant shrine and we were signing the papers and talking about my life and she was talking about how her life changed at 29 with her Saturn return, how excited she was for me because that time was so important in her life. And I was like Mercury retrograde can suck it. This is awesome and I’m living here. lol

I have to side with your friends here — Mercury retro does not apply to real estate in San Francisco or NYC. I don’t think I can move back to SF again just because the apartment searching is so stressful and pointless. You scored, go claim your prize!

Hahah, yeah, I was about to say, well not THAT dream…just the dream where I afford to live by myself in an apartment with some element of soundproofing that allows dogs and is near a Turkish bath and a health food co-op…

Also, where do you live where you find an awesome land lady like that? Landlords in New York are generally awful.

That place has always lit a little beacon somewhere in my soul. Not sure if I romanticize it but it really calls to me. Wanted to study there but didn’t get in… Hey maybe I should just go live there instead someday. My customary 5-year residence cycle. 5 years in each city/region I love. Around the world…

Ha! 5 years is about my average too! And that’s as a home owner. Longest stay was 7 years. Something always happens where I just have to move or I’ll go mad – usually something to do with neighbours and /or noise. Or just growing out of the abode, it not reflecting who I am etc.

Ms I love the idea of living in a house which is part cave. Built into the stone. Hey you should check out lightning ridge, Aust. Opal mining town hot as, well…
People live underground to escape the heat. Ok so it’s in the middle of nowhere but it’s inspiration at least.
But also perhaps like you I need the other half of the house to be open sky fresh air and light . X

Rache I wish you the best move of your life and have a feeling you’ll be insanely happy there. It all sound so sane and so right. The yoga, Santa Cruz, the new home, the landlady, your recovery and now how you are thriving with it. It’s awesome to read your posts. Feels like you are totally surfing this astro. I love your determination to evolve.

That’s the plan…I mean, to possible ditch the place in a few months when I figure out the ol’ existential crisis…

I expect hiccups, yes.

I don’t think Mercury retrograde is all about things not working out, period. Sometimes its about things taking forever and having a million stupid obstacles and setbacks and turnarounds along the way.

Go for it but double check Anything you have to sign. Make sure there aren’t any clauses that might bite your butt later or give you hell if something un-ideal occurred and you wanted out. Basically get your bases covered in case you might switch your mind later.

With that said though, if it’s a re-visitation of something you’ve considered in the past, I think generally it works out to be a good thing. But just to be safe, I would triple check any contracts.

Yeah, for sure! I actually already know what’s going to cause a paper work tornado…my guarantor (stupid New York formality where hopefully you are lucky enough to find someone who says they have your back if you don’t pay rent) lives overseas and isn’t a US citizen. This should be fun…

I kind of have less and less of a grip on my daily life and stuff. The vague-outs feel as intense as when Neptune was transiting conjunct my late cap moon . Wisps of melancholy/depression, kind of inadvertently antisocial or if I am social I don’t quite feel in the thick of The People in an ongoing way. Feel comfortable around scorps, Some saggitarians – people who get big ideas and emo states but don’t judge too much, are into ‘the conversation’. At other times am blasting AC/DC while I go running or swimming I’m the sunshine to remind me that I am in fact alive on planet Earth right now. …..anyone?

is it just Neptune in Pisces Pi, is it nearing any personal planets? are you feeling ok health-wise?

I’m also no doing so well with judgment and what I consider to be anal schizz, pushy people and faux friendliness (unless it’s like, the checkout chick or equivalent). Turns out there’s a bit irking my working The world is hard sometimes xx

xx
yes… it’s like, do you not think that i am doing my best here? and/or doing my thing which is not related to your thing at all? I don’t need to wade through your sense of superiority, kthanks

neptune is nowhere near anything in my chart – no aspects, nothing.
health wise.. i don’t know, fine I guess… just getting a couple of daily habits back in place slowly (get up in morning, some kind of exercise..)
thanks Calypso… xX

I think we’ve had this convo once before Pi – do you remember? About how you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself, it doesn’t help? Is that a Cap moon thing? I say fuq LZ (they could be really inappropriate at times after all….) go ahead, cry and pray at will dear girl

I do recall a phase where I was writing about cap moon a lot…
yes not feeling sorry for myself or anything. just sort of getting around in what feels like silvery bubble and the wire that links me to ‘real world’ stuff is a bit dodgy at the moment. Hey, maybe it’s just 2013-induced ADD. (not ADHD, for the record)
running as prayer: action-praying! that oughta do it. mwah

I need to add. i am still meeting cool new individuals often. Like, interesting, nice, intriguing people. Blessed in this way (Jupiter natally in toro 11th? trine and sextile lots of personal planets?) . and the new networks are growing, in a healthy way.. so this makes sense, as far as me trying to develop and organically grow a new social, work, everything- Scene. But I just want to find a way to throw a butterfly net over these lovely individuals so I can gather them all more easily together. At the moment it kind of scatters my energy like a – to continue the analogy – butterfly that has to cross town 8 different ways to visit each flower. Most of the time it’s just hard work and I never see anyone. but i WANT to! I love a collegiate atmosphere … that’s the sun mercury in 9th house I guess …? just wandering around and saying hi to my peeps around town. So the wierded-out isolation is sort of defusing my sense of personal progress and camaraderie / moral support a bit.
maybe I should throw a dinner party. invite everyone. Yes! Party Pi.

Totally agree re that. I’m antisocial at the best of times but my Sun recently progressed into Scorpio, my rising progressed into Aqua ri arse and ja we’re not talking about my prog moon ok! Lol no but I’m finding Aqua and Scorpio peeps delicious company, I am a natal triple Virgo – don’t hold it against me and a tripl Sag natally. Loving my own company the best tho. As usual.. Have to force myself to start socialising more this mars retro. Always feels like such an effort tho.

I am SO on the same page!! Especially about the Scorps- had that revelation a couple of weeks ago. I’m good with Pisceans too, and, surprisingly, caps. My newest friend/stalker is an autistic piscean leprechaun. Seriously. Wildly inappropriate and hilarious and as awkward as me, but louder. It’s great. Fire signs, virgos, librans, and especially aquas (this is new) make me want to cry and run away and murder. Weird. Pi, you sound like you’ve stepped into my world, and I’m sorry, honey.

oh that’s sweet hdq… it’s ok…. i think i may have been here a while. *waves*
decided to just sort of stop looking for the exit, see what happens after dark. Helps to invite prometheus by sometimes, BYO flaming torch x

Yup, I natally (I know that isn’t a real word. Natal chart ref) have a 12th house moon and Neptune in the 12th. Coming to the end of a 2 year Neptune transit (she was squaring herself the poor thing) and Neptune is about to move into my fourth house. So as if I didn’t live in the 12th house already. AND Saturn is transiting my 12th house where Madame Lilith lives too.
All my other planets are in the 10th house pretty much except for one, Saturn who (natally again) resides in house no 6 and squares my moon and my mars. Oh no, this is too confusing and probably makes no sense. The synopses is “I am clearly deranged and totally anti social, except when Uranus in the 11th throws me into some random social encounter which is generally magnificent and makes me scratch my head and wonder why I don’t get out more. I would, if other people didn’t annoy me so much. Except the ones I love. I annoy other people, except the ones who love me.
I LOATE social niceties and both of my friends have to use a fork lift to get me out on hideous occasions like birthdays etc when I go deep into hibernation mode.

Well besides me being a bitch and dealing with a wonderful man double pisces like me (pisces Venus/sun ) I’m truly grateful ..being single for so long has it downfalls.. But I am worried about my future in the financial aspect of things .. ????????

Honestly Merc retrogrades never seem to affect me badly. I have travelled overseas, bought stuff, changed phone plans etc etc in the past and it has never been an issue. I have Merc in Pisces natally so perhaps I am just used to fluidity in communications. Plus I always check details a zillion times whenever I do anything (Mars in Virgo).
Last week my workplace had a major email/internet fail and it’s still ongoing. Even though it’s a large organisation the systems never normally fail.
I am copping a pounding from Saturn tho’.

A mini gen or a sub gen. Sounds cool.
Perhaps because there is some natal retro energy in our charts, we don’t get the classic retrograde experience. Not that I am saying I want it, but that there is a tiny natal immunity.

Most intense merc retro i have ever felt… I have been experiencing stupid computer glitches at work; stupid…. Boss’ travel plans thwarted then re-instated 48hrs later. Work to-do list just not decreasing but increasing by the day… I am experiencing so much start-stop-start-stop action it is actually sending me mad. Seriously. My adrenal glands have been in overdrive last few days. Said to my mum i should be skinny from all the stress, but funny that food intake is squashing that theory big time!
Damn you Merc Retro, you’re sending me crazy.

Oh, so funny – I dismissed this Merc retro as not really affecting me, then – Netflix crashed. Our Sky TV box has no signal. A professor wanting to interview me first didn’t get my email, then had problems with his Skype account. The till at work crashed. My bank card’s PIN was locked by a malfunctioning card machine. All in the space of 24 hours. I’ll never blithely assume I’m immune to Merc Retro again, hear that Hermes?!

Hey holy jesus that’s too funny last Friday i viewed an old back up disc and saw emails saved in a folder from 2004… remembered who they were from and… shuddered. It would be too much to find them actually in my um, inbox.

I don’t know that this Mercury retro is all that bad (other than the intense dreams that some people and me included, have been having over the weekend – which I put down to Mercury retro in Pisces/Aqua for sensitive folk), things are moving at a fast pace (finally) and I don’t mind the minor hold ups with some things. If this is the preview or trailer to April, then I bet there’ll be some great progress. Then again, I haven’t taken Mars retro and how that may play out, fully into account yet

Taking three 15 year olds to see Eminem in Brisbane tomorrow. I’ve checked, double checked, triple checked all arrangements, printed out everything in case communication devices decide to go off the boil or awol. Fingers crossed it all goes well!!!!! And I can’t wait, it’s been YEARS since I’ve been to a big concert.

So glad for him. I’ve been looking at connections in my past chart. I found Pluto -Venus and North Node- Jupiter connections on my wedding day chart, as well as Saturn on my Midheaven, Uranus-Opp Asc.
On an unexpected loss, I had a Pluto-Neptune and NorthNode-Venus connections and Mercury was in the mix, like my heart was suddenly yanked out. But that’s just my chart because I have a hard venus-neptune natal aspect anyways.

Me to.
I adore Marshal M.
I enjoyed that post MM and for some reason must have not commented. Sometimes I see the entire sidebar groaning under the weight of my random thoughts and am simply too embarrassed to keep “sharing”. For me and my big mouth sometimes NOT sharing is more caring.

During MRetro I always seem to get the opportunity to go back over something and get it right. There are always delays in MR, which turn out to be mostly fortuitous. Useful information is revealed. Today, I had a thought about what it would be like to meet myself, person to person. Would I like myself? If not, what would I want to let go of to change and benefit me, others, my outcomes? This is probably a MR opposing Ascendant type of thought and question.

My MR screwball comedy was scheduling a business meeting over coffee with someone I had never met, him telling me later he would come to our meeting with a male friend of his, me going to the meeting thinking I would have coffee with a gay couple, he coming to the meeting on his own while his girlfriend waited for him at another cafe. Between the time I figured out he was not gay but was attached, I liked him, more than I would have expected. By the time he invited me to join his girlfriend and him to see a show, I was already in shock over what I had felt and thought watching him with his GF would be something I could do without. I trotted back home, cursing my fate.

Out of curiosity, checked later the event chart of that meeting. Sun and retro Mercury in Aqua 9th house, and the person was a foreigner, the ASC in Gemini conjucted my Sun. Moon in Virgo, 3rd house – communication. Venus Pluto conjunct in 7th house,

Typing from phone, waiting for my feline diva get out of surgery. I hope at her ripe age, 17, she will wake up.

So much love and empathy to you Quadrupled – my beloved cat called (yes i AM A leo) Ubastin passed a few months ago and i was SO upset…obviously.

but want to share that the first full moon after the passing of this most special of cats, who had outlasted marriages been there when i bought home my first child from hospital and used to accompany me on midnight wanders – three weeks after he passed i WOKE UP TO THE MOST LOUD PURRING NOISE.

Wandered around house and then finally smelt unique white flower smell that reminded me of when he was a kitten and we were both very young – there is no magic in the world the world IS magic and cats carry a lot of it.

Having the WORST most stereotypical Merc RX of my life, I swear I don’t usually feel it but this one is ridic. My year old computer has already broken twice, then hard drive failed for no real reason, lost 2 years worth of studio work from my external hard drive only for it to reappear, lost phone connections, power cuts, travel issues, miscomms, exe’s, ex crushes, the whole nine yards.

Good thing, it’s forcing me to address some of the less organised areas of my life, back up all my work etc, stop procrastinating.

I am so sorry about almost losing all that stuff. I don’t care about losing STUFF stuff so much anymore but all my data and work? I would die. Glad it reappeared and you’ve motivated me to get myself a new external drive so I stop living in fear.

Thanks guys, it was a revolting experience, I literally fell to my knees and sobbed. Most Mercurial part of the whole thing was how it reappeared, so weird. Thankful that it was there and have spent the day backing it up on 2 other formats, boring but essential. Do it, if you haven’t, just do.

I hate the impermanance of the digital world, one malfunction and poof, gone but I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without it.

Oh gawd me too. Charley it’s like loosing a body part. (To continue my cyborg metaphor and not to diminish anyone’s pain who has lost a physical body part). But nooooo Charley this shitz is REAL. It’s memory loss! Not to go all “Apple fan kid” on ya but have you considered Le Cloud?”
That is possibly a silly suggestion since you sound really clued up tech wise and I am not. Hence my propensity for apple products. At the very least I have someone to blame if it goes wrong and being psychical pas agg on a mercury retrograde this is CRITICAL for my “sanity”. Very relative term I know. Wow the image of you breaking down at your computer is some powerful pathos material to substantiate the “we are all becoming cyborgs” theory. Also there are too many “quotation marks” in this comment. I really hope you find the missing piece of memory somehow and if not that it never happens to you again.
And Rache. “What?” Go get that external hard drive PRONTO. You’ll need it for your move. That’s the only potential fly in your ointment I can see Merc retro wise for you
XOXO

Lol !!
It’s really interesting though. I read Clan of the Cave Bear back in the 70s and formed some type of opinion on Neanderthals. It was a novel for gods sake but now I see her ideas from this novel sort of appearing in ‘scientific’ research. It’s so obvious to me that art really is the key to co creation and that imagination is our most powerful tool. Maybe if we just ‘imagined’ ourselves at say 90 years old, as strong, quick minded, healthy and happy, we could make it so.
Were you aware of your Neanderthal roots before genetic or scientific confirmation ?
Are you a touch more sort of hunched and hirsute ?
Do you enjoy camping ?

AHA !!! Gemini does this all the time. They read a novel, tie in the ideas from a few OMNI articles, turn it into a ‘fact’ and use these ‘facts’ at elegant soirées to impress and confuse.
During retros of course it’s just confusion.
Any one with gem asc would secretly know this. Hmmm.

I am so depressed. Crying all the time. I know its part heartbreak over Peter-Pan-Pisces, but really its realizing there is no one who is a “fix” for me. The only time in my life I consistently wasn’t depressed was when I quit smoking and went to hot yoga three times a week. Is depression retro Jupiter in 6th house? Repressed Mars-Pluto? All I know is I’ve struggled with it my whole life. I have to find a way to beat it back. I love my kid so much. Why should I be so sad? Monday I ran out of cigarettes and I haven’t bought or smoked since. We’ll see how it goes this time. I figure if I am going to feel ripped up and insecure every day of my life, better go for it all the way.

Thinking of you 12th House V xoxo
I had a few days of that feeling. Rusty spoon in the chest stuff. Cried the whole flight home. Old loves and broken dreams. I pretended it was the film but I wasn’t watching one on the plane. I had the images on but the sound turned off. It does feel like a smokescreen is lifted from the heart chakra when I get that feeling.
Not to be glib but would it help to try to visualise this as a cleansing of that region to allow for better stuff re that reality to come your way soon?
Re yoga and not smoking. Yes!!!
Xox

Yup depression is one of mine too. But I’ve stopped seeing it as a negative and rather more a time for utterly clear and unashamed seeing. the world as it is, my life as it is and all the crap that has been. Then you can start to clear the path and walk onwards. It’s a time to muse at depth and to cleanse. Take it as being an ok place to be. Not nice but OK.
You then also start to see that stuff that makes you alive, vital and delicious. It will return and you will be wiser and clearer and capable of more, so much more.

Hugs for you dear 12thHV! Feeling about the same as you at the moment and can’t seem to shake it off. Just this profound sadness that’s heavy on my chest. Cried into the arms of my friend last night. Still working through the residue and the bullying that went on.

This time will pass and we can hopefully take away the gift of wisdom from it!

As i am trying (very trying sometimes) to remain positive, can’t help but feel a planetary rebirthing may be taking place.
A deep letting go of all we have accumulated
that doesn’t honour us. That will create a sense of loss unless we are so sure of what the replacement will be. Doesn’t the universe abhor a vacuum?

Yes, here’s hoping good things rush into the void. I am not crying (yet) today. I really do feel I had too many tears to say it was over the Pisces. More like letting go of an ideal and welcoming hardwork in its place. Terrible what is going on in the Ukraine right now Here’s to new birth!

I have read multiple places its really really important for mars pluto to regularly exercise, I have a mars saturn pluto thing and its really really important for me, I get so bad I might as well be foaming at the mouth when I stop working out.
Depression is a tough thing and even people who have it good in all or most areas of life can go through it, don’t beat yourself up over it, and the only way things like this get “fixed” is inner work. I still haven’t even gotten a girl and I have made huge progress on that front, even without that crucial part of life. If I met someone awesome too early I might have become self satisfied and stayed stagnant with certain problems. So that sort of thing definitely wont fix anything, and its really tough stuff, but you can get through it, maybe that period in your life your referring to when you weren’t depressed is just a taste of things to come, I am willing to bet, in spite of the ebb and flow of it, over all you have been growing and improving, you can get through this for sure. You can grow stronger then the wanting, then the insecurities and neurosis, its totally do-able

could depression be about Moon 12v? i don’t even know where your Moon is….Leo? Can you find a way to feed it?

hey, David, I like your points. I think to clear this stuff once and for all does require inner work, and it’s like a job in a way, at some points in your life when the time is right. Especially I like your point that “If I met someone awesome too early I might have become self satisfied and stayed stagnant with certain problems”. i feel like that. I’ve had work to do that I had to do on my own, a significant other would have distracted me.

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life as well; it really feels like I was just born anxious and with this feeling of dread or something. I’ve ALWAYS had to manage it. I don’t expect to overcome it, just to manage it and consistently become more balanced and accepting of life and myself. Relevant words from my yoga teacher on a blog post about her father’s death:

“He isn’t dead yet and yet, I grieve. Earlier today in the car this phrase came to me: I’ve been grieving since I was born. I was thinking about the essential nature of a child and how you can look into a little one and see their nature revealed there before you before they’ve had the chance to take on the impressions around them to shape and sculpt their being.. its as if what what is really there is there already. I remember an observer, and someone who was serious. There was laughter too – a wise laughter but also a just a seriousness about something that was lost before I came into this world. A part of the essential story that got left out of this contemporary equation. Its something intangible and I can barely give it words but its always there as that intangible missing thing.”

You’re a 12th house-y type (I have moon and mars there myself and then a big fat 8th house stellium)…breakups are gonna hit you harder than many I would imagine. It takes me years to get over someone if I do at all. :/ But just know that while you may always struggle with depression the current situation with the guy is amplifying it and it will not always be this bad.

Good luck w/ quitting this time around…hot yoga really is a miracle for that! But if you need the smokes to deal with this rough patch just accept it and don’t beat yourself up. *internet hug*

Thanks. I get lost sometimes. Like, things were going well with the Pisces and we bought a wet saw cause we were going to do a project together. He was standing there demoing it for me and teaching me about it and I had to walk to the other room to cry because I knew he wouldn’t be there for that when I needed him. I had both the experience and loss of the loss context of the experience. Does that make sense? I don’t know how to put it. But I see both what is happening and what will and as soon as I become aware of a self – and I do since I seem to be the only seeing both – this lone self – then I think I can’t steer any more. Am I steering this to a conclusion? What could possibly be right? How would I know? And I give up on feeling this or that. Maybe he was being arrogant telling me how to use a saw, you know? But at that point, I can’t connect to my real and immediate emotions. Cigs never helped. Men never helped. I don’t know why yoga helped. But it did. Its the only thing that did.

I know what you mean about the loss 12V. I used to feel like this s a lot. I don’t any more. I don’t know why, but I have done a lot of clearing work in the last year or two including past life stuff. Rache’s teacher’s point about being born with something missing points to that perhaps being a source and a path as well? Stuff that doesn’t serve me in this life. Stuff that doesn’t even belong to me. DNA stuff. Family stuff. Stuff that belonged to the collective. Women’s stuff. I haven’t been able to do that on my own. I couldn’t even give up ciggies on my own, but through this energy work, I have.

It was just my path. I don’t know that it helps to share, but I get it – that’s something. Lots of love and luck to you x

Thanks, it does help to have you share it. I feel like on my path, I don’t get a guru. That’s my retro 6th house Jupiter. I have to do it. When I had a soul connection that resulted in me being like the bad Mom from Cafe de Flore, I found someone who taught me how to release a lot of residual emotions. But I realized even that didn’t cure me of depression. It isn’t depression over a thing or a desire to solve a relationship. Its realizing I run depressed and I should and can fix that. Only exercise has ever fixed that.

Like – when I exercise I am grounded in my physical body and much more able to act as one than that getting lost-ness I described that’s been happening to me in relation to Peter-Pan-Pisces. I can’t believe I ended up telling him never to contact me again. I had a dream of him looking at me like “WTF?”

Go back to the moments before the crisis, together if possible. How are you feeling, how is he feeling ?
Start from there together again and exchange reactions for responses. That’s my understanding of how 5th dimensional consciousness can be accessed and practiced.
If you both agree to just write off what happened the first time, really just dump it then you can come to a better conclusion for the now.
That’s time mastery. And a way to de saturnise our lives.

I’ve done this with loves in the past but not this time. This time now is enough. Thanks, dear. It is true technique for working out relationship problems. But my depression is a me-on-me crime I have to figure out how to manage alone.

those words of your yoga teacher really resonate with me, rache. that intangible missing thing- that’s pretty much how it is, right? i’d love to take a class from her. she GETS it. i’m halfway through my 200 hr certification and i can’t do it any more. my teacher, a lovely and warm aqua, DOESN’T get it. it’s all about experience. she’s known loss, and grief, but definitely not whole-life genetic or past-life major depression. the darkness that cannot be transcended by meditation, or by being more sattvic… the darkness that just IS, that is such an integral part of the soul that the only thing that can be done is to accept and love it, and to be there for others who are in the same space. the yoga community, i have found, is very much love n’ light, and yet there is so much potential! hot yoga, hot power vinyasa to be exact, is, like for you 12hv, the ONLY thing (beyond drugs, which aren’t a long-term solution, obvs) that has EVER worked for me. if all i can think about is keeping from falling over, i’m ok. two areas of yoga really interest me- black metal yoga, which comes from the resistance to all happy happy tinkly music and is candlelit with dark music (for which i would substitute some droney ambient madness, not being much of a metalhead), and service yoga, which is yoga for survivors, ptsd, homeless people, smi, etc. meaningful. i’m coming to see lifelong depression as a gift. empathy. lived experience. my yoga teacher class had a day with this meditation master last weekend, and while he was really, really great, and peaceful, and had that wise and happy air about him (and 5 planets in cancer!), there was a question about depression and mental illness that (i felt) he trivialized, not being depressed himself. on the ride home, my friend and i were talking about it and she expressed how good it felt to share her feelings with someone (me) who’d been through the same thing, and how very few people understood the depth and breadth of it. well-meaning, lovely people. i remember being horribly depressed for the first time at age 7 (also when pluto transited the first half of scorp), and haven’t really ever come out of it. my father and grandmother are bipolar, my uncle is schizophrenic, we have lovely finnish genes. it’s ok. it’s who we are, and we have a role to play, and an understanding of things that scare the bejeezus out of other people. but it’s ultimately good, although, when you can’t even get out of bed or be happy about your child’s accomplishment beyond a surface level, it doesn’t feel ok. i get that and am living it too, though my current grief turned depression has had more time to mellow than yours, which seems to be in that really acute knife in the stomach trigger at ever turn stage. i’m so sorry, honey, you had such great and reasonable hopes!! there aren’t any answers, or, if there are, i haven’t found them, but know that you are loved, by your kiddo, by your friends and family, and by all of us here. and by me!!! so much. do some yoga! smoke ciggies if you feel that they help, kick them if you feel that that’s helping, it’s all about the power you give it. the power is you. the sadness is you. and don’t forget that damn pluto square to your mercury. what’s the cw? the first hit is the shock, the second is the depths, and the third is the phoenixing? you get july-nov, 11 degrees the ENTIRE FUQING TIME, to phoenix. not that perspective helps right now when you’re in the thick of your grief… so much love for you. xxxxxxxxxxx

you are shaping up to be an amazing healer with your ideas about emotional places that haven’t been touched on much before by yoga…prob cos you’re not afraid of the darkness

It’s part of the fire snake energy thing, IMHO, I know my fire snake partner who is an ex athlete had to stop because of back and other injuries.
that was a big part of his unraveling, as all the intense energy couldn’t be channeled and became destructive

Ah, the journey your comment sent me on! Finding a suitable channel. Brought me back to my New Year’s cursing of the patriarchal cult, which I, for some reason, mentioned for the first time the other day to this ethereal faerie teen. She asked what it was like, and I replied (for real!) that it was nothing, just like opening a door. Before all the door posts.
And thank you, you are kind.

I agree with Veronica. You are shaping up to be an amazing healer and I am glad to have you as my friend. I realize that other who have not had to battle depression can’t fully understand it. And that’s OK. I am glad not everyone has to fight it. But it is so….I don’t know the word….humanizing?…. to have the understanding from you. “the darkness that just IS, that is such an integral part of the soul that the only thing that can be done is to accept and love it, and to be there for others who are in the same space”

Job: I am still stuck in the mud with my job. My boss won’t tell me anything, she assigns work to me that eventually is cancelled and doesn’t tell me and she asked me to prepare Vital Goals that she seemed to be okay with and nothing is happening. (sigh)

Romance: Ok people.. I don’t know how to handle getting to know men without sex. I wish I did but this Pisces guy could be worth some time.. but I am struggling. My darn insecurities are bad that will cause him to run! I hate this feeling. Just give me a bat! (sigh)

Lest peeps think I’m slipping thru this merc retro totally unscathed I need to add that I was a bit. Ok a lot, flip in my previous post. To gain access to the pity party may I add that I just got back to a freezing flat and have no hot water and a sh*t load of admin and boring but important hassles of a similar ilk. I have been feeling elated today partly because I spent 12 hours on a plane in AGONY – most uncomfortable seat Ever, crying me feckin eyes oot
Good thing about being on a plain is that people assume ignore you and you can just surrender to the “my heart is being ripped out with a rusty spoon” feeling and just blame externals like the uncomfortable seat, leaving loved ones just prior to flight or a bad film. None of them were the truth tho. I just needed to take an emo dump. A long one. Having processed that I felt so clear and slept for 16 hours when I returned to my cold but oddly comforting flat. Today has been so much more fun than yesterday. Also sometimes the best thing about a vacation is realising how much you love your life.
I had a fab time with my family but yes. I’m stoked to be home.

Ugh. Peter-Pan-Pisces sent me pics of him ice climbing, which escalated into a fight with him claiming he’s “lost so much more than a partner” in this deal. I told him to let me know how much I owe him – $2K, $20K how much more do I owe him, being he lost more than a partner? Bullshit. Told him don’t worry about the cat and dog he left – just come get his shit. Why punish those beings for traveling with an f-up? Told him I’d drive his shit out to his Mom’s so he’s not out gas money, being he lost so much in this deal already, lol. And he said to contact him when I wasn’t angry. So, I said never contact me again. If he doesn’t get his shit by new moon, I’m burning it all. Right now, waiting until the new moon to burn it all feels way too long. Lost more than a partner…what did he think I was? I don’t want to know. Done.

Nah. He used the word “quantifiable” in that his losses are quantifiably larger than mine. Dude was living in a tin can in a desert starving and laid off and now I am to blame for his losses. Classic. I really know how to pick en

oh dear. sorry that it got turned into a contest of any kind, let alone of loss. such a shame when you’re so prepared to bear that extra cost of his animals without carry on. try not to take it on 12V x

Hey 12th house Virgo
I know it wrong to cling to resentment so feel free to ignore this suggestion but what I would do when falling into a LZ trance ( which obvs we ALL do post break up)
So what I would do is chant the word “quantifiable” like a mantra and use it to propel you to a yoga class.

Ah, the pets are a blessing. I try to be mad about it. My hair stylist was like “who are you – Mother Theresa?” But, the truth is the pets bring me joy. I asked the oracle about them, if I was meant to keep them, if it was OK and not me just taking on karma from his crappy, short marriage (he got the pets with his ex). I told the oracle give me cat, dog, or 4 if I should keep them and I got the number 4. I have 4 pets now! They are good company.

Have been following your ‘story’ re: Pisces, and can I just say, well done for how you’re handling it. You are 100% RIGHT for saying to him ‘don’t contact me again’. Be very proud of yourself.

AMUSING that he’s trying to frame himself as a ‘victim’ – please stand strong, trust your gut & don’t fall for it. Manipulative jerk extraordinaire! You don’t owe him ANYTHING. He is HISTORY, and it seems he’s just very unaccustomed to someone seeing the truth of him so soon. Haha to him, and well done to you!

PS: Reading your, Rache’s and HDQ’s inspiring discussion on depression, especially the eternal ‘missing of something intangible’ and the ‘darkness that simply is’, made me think of a letter Jack Kerouac wrote. It is something I return to in times of loss and grief. Hope that it may bring you some comfort:

“I have lots of things to teach you now, in case we ever meet,
concerning the message that was transmitted to me under a pine tree
in North Carolina on a cold winter moonlit night. It said that
Nothing Ever Happened, so don’t worry. It’s all like a dream.
Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking-minds.
But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright
forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands
and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence
inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson
you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds
long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity.
It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do
with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere:
Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing.
It’s a dream already ended. There’s nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about.
I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression,
they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away?
Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence
of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because
it was never born.”

Selected Letters 1957-1969 and is a letter he wrote to his first wife, Edie in 1957.”

It seems a lot of people are feeling a bit sad at the moment. Me too. Great to see everyone supporting each other. It feel line a passing thing, but it’s very acute … ancient feeling… A haunting … it belongs to the ocean.

As far as Mercury goes…I am negotiating with airline to get a seat on a return flight home. I’m going home for good after 14 years away and I can’t get there until March 3 on an economy flight. All seats booked. They reckon. So I’m here in my empty apartment…on my own private transit lounge…thank the goddess for books and internet!

Good luck with all that Seagoat x
I remember that feeling, was away for about 10 years and went home.
I had to stay with my parents till I found a place and work etc.
Some things had changed but so many things were just the same.
I put on 10 kilos in 6 weeks ! and sort of had a total life revision lesson over 2 months till I finally escaped !

Yeah david. The tower walls gave way last year, and now there’s just this core me, and the (grrrrr) fuqery of this MR, and an empty room full of thoughts – life revisions as you say. The Limbo I had to have?

Limbo is a good way to put it Calypso, because there is something liminal about this space – as david knows – but I will watch the calories they serve up here!

See, I’m actually ok. I’m actually more than ok. I only posted because I was struck by the collective sadness that seemed to be weaving its way through the various threads. People are pulling together, rather than isolating themselves.

It’s made of nice fabric this community you’ve set up MM. It’s inspiring.

Oh thank you. Sad, yes Then I saw dear friends of his, crying. Hard. Heard 2 songs back to back, about wanting to be there for someone in the darkness. ugh.
He wasn’t one of our closest friends, but a friend yes, who we always spoke to and hung out with at the beach. He was kind to me, always asking how I was, where I was if I wasn’t there. Torro said he wanted to see me just the other week….

My boyfriend has shown a strange way of dealing with it. I’m not sure what to make of it. Finding suicide weak. Not much sadness, but I wonder if that is him being bummed out and refusing to be sad over a selfish act, hating to see me sad. I can’t help but feel compassion for someone who got to such a dark point. I told him he couldn’t take my compassion from me and he said he never would and had his own kind. I don’t see it.

I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to deal with these awful but very human tragedies. We all have different ways of coping with the sudden loss of someone from our world. And the brush with mortality and the deep despair of someone close effects everyone in different ways. It’s like a ripple effect around the event. Hold tight Catfish. x

it’s complicated and anger is an integral part. he is likely to have a lot of working through it and emotions that don’t make logical sense, or proceed in an order that fits for you. hugs for the both of you. xxxxxxx

Hmmm, yes. I got a similar surprise some months ago when the husband of a friend commuted suicide, leaving the wife and 3 children. He was an incredible person who they his medical practice saved many lives. He had money , love, purpose…
No letter left, no previous signs of depression, nothing to explain.
The thing was the dichotomy of those just terribly torn up by this and those incredibly angry with him. I do think it’s a coping mechanism.

CM that’s such a tragedy and my sympathies. I can’t help but think your Torro is processing this situation in the best way he has learnt to deal with difficult emotions and situations. To deflect at the surface like he is presenting, suggests he has experienced this emotional place before. Not wanting to dive into that emotive sea again. It’s his way to regulate and self control his feelings and keep on top of things.

two days of little to no sleep. the roommates dog has decided to take up professional yapping. i’ve started listening to the shipping forecast with no idea as to why. moderate or poor becoming moderate or poorer. the few dreams I’m catching in my 10 or 20 minutes of REM sleep are pretty wicked tho. clear shallow lakes and crouching tiger hidden dragon type leaps above them. actually A LOT of water in general. it feels encouraging. embracing a more amateur absurdist outlook to deal with all kinds of current fuqery (including an ill-timed haircut.)

Being ignored from company whom have my hosting when renewing my domain, appears to have been bought by somebody else and all my pro emails are bouncing let alone I have actually paid for the space and no one has gotten back to my polite professional wtf emails as I have an amercian company trying to sell it back to me for $US500. pfft.

Complete idiot scripting over piece of paper not able to be handed to someone now a massive issue with no warning. Saw my ex advertising online (so I could see?), contract war pending with current company. Friend from out of town threatening to kidnap me to Germany as they have a front row seat for all the above. Lost all my phone numbers at start of retro from broken sim card replaced. Everything but public transport basically.

Here’s the real existential crisis: if anyone wiser than me has and advice on THIS I’d love to hear it.

I don’t love New York City. I’ve been trying to leave here for years but strange things happen that keep me here. The car blows up and I lose all of my money (that was two years in a row), then I meet who I think is the love of my life and he bails, only I’ve already got this sweet job and this whole plan to live alone and have to implement it NOW as I have been in limbo for a year now.

Ok so its not my dream job, not what I’m”doing with my life” but it provides money, freedom and an interesting experience. And exercise.

But I dream of New Orleans every night and long to get out of this place…it just seems so insane to just up and quit and get in my car and drive away with no plan and just before New Orleans gets hot and difficult in terms of jobs.

Up until this retrograde I was feeling fine about getting a place here in New York and then making multiple trips around the globe to find my dream home.

Now I’m like, “You don’t like it here. Why even sign up for a place? What if you get stuck?”

Then the exact place I’m looking for pops up and it ain’t half bad. But I just feel so NUTS man. I don’t know if someone should just get in there car and drive away OR sign a lease when they’re this nuts.

I do enjoy the stability I am offered here…

But New York is not where I want to end up, definitely not much longer than a year.

Am I missing out on life somewhere else? Am I torturing myself on purpose?

Am I only staying here to cling on to a little nugget of security, out of fear?

This one is such a doozy. One minute I taste the sweet relief of what moving into my own place would feel like…

Next thing I know I have a dream I’m in New Orleans, and my Pisces friend who I lived with there (recently deceased, sadly) was singing to me as I cried bittersweetly, happy to hear her sing again and so sad that she’s gone and I can never fit New Orleans back into my life.

Saturn on my ascendant as duty calls…Neptune in my fourth calling up the very Neptunian city of New Orleans…ideal or just a fantasy?

Wow… I so get this, the pull to chuck it all in and hop in the getaway car. If you don’t mind me chiming in here:
I have a lot of Saturn action going on right now – squaring my ascendant, squaring my Venus and opposing my Jupiter. So I have no choice but to negotiate my relationship with him I’ve said this here before but I’m starting to see Saturn as the bloke with the tool box. Perhaps Saturn on your ascendant isn’t about duty but about challenging you to decide what you really want for your life, and put a plan in place to make it happen. It could also be about thinking through the yearning for New Orleans and deciding how important it is really on balance. You may find that ‘chuck it all in and live in New Orleans’ now means ‘go for a holiday there every year’ because you also love what New York has to offer.
When Saturn gets in touch with our dreams perhaps he is screaming ‘but what are you going to DO about it?’ or challenging you to decide if it really is the big goal or perhaps something less that can be integrated into a life in New York as well.
So – why not spend an afternoon drawing up a few scenarios and gathering information? You could research headhunters in your field, research real estate/renting options, send out CVs etc to companies in your field there, ask friends/contacts for information/contacts through their networks. Often the act of simply gathering information will help you refine where you really stand in relation to this dream.
As a multi-Pisces I am a big fan of playing the Piscean card. Do you have to decide now? Does it have to be one or the other? Or could it be one AND the other? Take the New York security option because that will always be a good investment and start making your plan to move.
In my experience Saturn doesn’t take stuff away, it can bring a number of hard choices to make us get very real about what we truly want.
Anyway I hope this is helpful, soz for longwinded response, I can only look at your experience through my own filter. Time and again I’ve seen hard Saturn transits present people with two really compelling choices. Good luck!

Yes, the holiday there yearly is a fine idea to counteract pulling up roots completely.
But being a multi Sagg, never want to leave destination for at least 12 months, holidays are more for full time workers not free lancers.

Have noticed many are feeling a sense of loss and last night thought perhaps i have to loose everything to gain more. LIke wipe the tape ready to reprogram true desires.

You are totally right about trying to find the balance of how much of these two places I want in my life. Unfortunately, I do not have a “field” at the moment; leaving town means starting over absolutely.

It would be very doable for me to show up in the south with my savings and get a job and a place and all of that; it just seems I am being given an opportunity right now with this set up being miraculously handed to me here in New York. Plus all of New York’s opportunities…

Pluto, how i empathise with you about being somewhere is not your speed. The desire to throw caution to the breeze and just drive away, even live out of the car if needs be.
As i pay a peppercorn rent (a ? of market value) cannot lose that by leaving. Sublet?
Think it’s a bit soul hurting not to be where your heart is not and yet sensible to be cautious, but why be sensible if it stops you being content with your environment.
Good luck with this dilemma.

Ha, yes, living out of the car (I have a van) has often been a backup for me. Every time I’ve made it out of New York I was pretty pleased, and every time I’ve left New York (and in one instance, Florida) I was practically dragged away.

The last time I went to New Orleans for a month I cried the whole flight back to New York. It’s so grey here.

But you know, as evidenced by my love life, we don’t always want what’s best for us in the long run, that’s why I feel so much doubt…

Your body knows when it needs change. My thoughts on reading your words were ” fuck it. Just do it. You can always move back if it doesn’t work out.” Life is for living. When you’re 90, looking back, what decisions would you regret making… Or not making? Fuq fear . controlling our behaviour like it’s all that. plus, no cold snaps in nawlins right?

that IS kind of a big deal!!! please, please take advantage, even if it is just for little trips here and there to refresh ze little grey cells. some light might sneak in start to warm the part of you that is not feeling very strong..

Starting over does take work. you are right. New people, new circles, new work, new dry cleaner, new doctor, new hairdresser… the little things. The discovery…

As pegs said, maybe a visit? Maybe you want to revisit your friend, in your heart, and being in the physical place is a strong prompt for that?

What signs? Haha. I see so many everywhere. For both directions. Believe me, I AM going to New Orleans…it’s just a matter of totally moving there right this instant or taking this apartment and using it as a base to launch from. Did I mention I am currently “displaced”? Semi-without-home?

We Libras like to say, “The grass is greener inbetweener”. Why choose when you can have both?

True- and I have bulldozed my way there before…but that is not really how I’m feeling right now. There are more complexities to this situation then I have typed. Especially that this is probably the worst time of year to move to New Orleans and the best time of year to stay in New York and make a ton of money. ..

I wish I had the energy to write exact response but I’m lying here between manic no rest period. Totally relate. Its easy to get sucked into the opportunity flying around and see yourself as part of it but if you are at war you need a home. Roots grow up. The good thing about cities like that though is they are ports. you don’t have to live there you just need the right doors to come in and out of. xx

All errors forgiven! My left shift key is broken so there’s a lot of similar bad grammar going on.

New Orleans has a lot of set backs for me, too…like, it’s not all peaches and cream. My perfect scheme is to take this apartment that just came up, sublet it whenever I want to leave town and use this freedom to find my spirit home/next move. Maybe I want to go to school in SF. Who knows?

I also have been having a lot of fun in the summer in New York. Sort of liking this snowbird possibility.

I also only have about a week to decide whether to take this super good deal of an apartment that I can feasibly ditch at any point because subletting is easy here.

The 5 month old ratite i was going to collect is actually 2 years old, so nada
as their lifespan is usually 2 years and a few months.
The special caring breeder i found has stopped breeding due to the respiratory disease inherent in them.
Won’t buy from a pet shop, too unknown for health issues.
Does this mean i have to get a boyfriend instead? They are usually much more trouble than a rattie dammit.
Could i handle a visit to the dog shelter i wonder or if it would be too heartbreaking for me, looking into those ‘take me-love me’ eyes?

Late reply Andy, URANUS transiting 6th in Kataka & about to move into 5th still Kataka.
Am really klutzy at interpreting astro but shall look into that aspect.
Tells me no fast decisions as still yearning to change states/countires, thinking a pet would settle that issue and keep me here in ‘god’s waiting room’ as Adders is sometimes called due to ageing population.
x

Found this on cafeastro: “It would be wise to find work that offers you not only variety and stimulation, but also the chance to invent. Progressive, part-time, or unconventional tasks hold the most appeal to you these days”.
Hmm. It doesn’t really seem animal astro does it? Unless you do work part time in a shelter or caring for other people’s animals part time.. I don’t know! But Uranus doesn’t seem very nurturing at the best of times.

Mwhahahahahaha
I live in a flat in London so I can’t have a pet here. But jeez I would if I could. Yeah. I have a sh*t load going on in my 12th house. Moon, Neptune and black moon Lilith, true and mean just one degree apart, creating a black hole more than a corridor. Unakalie (the snake charmer) is conjunct Lilith and she sextiles my sun and mars. Basically that makes me “the woman scorned or hidden. The Other Woman.
Classic
But it gives me psychic abilities and makes me super powerful a la Tantra and I tend to attract men who’s marriages are on the rocks to shake them out of their codependency.
Yay!
It’s all very gothic fairy tale
I should just get a black cat and broomstick and be done with it!
Asteroid Lilith aspects my moon somehow, I can’t remember how this morning but yeah.
I is THAT lady.
Am loving Coco Chanel right now as my role model.
I want a python sooooooo badly.
I could probably sneak one into my flat.
Hmmmmmmm

My inner Artemus would like an Irish Setter, a Rottweiller, Mamalute and German Shepard but that lot would need a group of peoples to care for them not a white single trying not to be elderly, woman.
Is this why peoples get married and have babies so as not to be alone?
Two more months of work and i’ll be debt free (debt accrued from taking nearly a year off) then plan my escape to northern NSW where the weather suits my soul, or just planet Elsewhere but Here.

No no no, pure bred only, those strains are only mated with same species. You know with a pedigree as long as your arm.
GO TO NEW ORLEANS, even if it’s just for the music.
Believe there are some super sexy vampires living there, according to Anne Rice. Such sleazy steamy sophistication resides there.
With the internet now one can plan to the nth degree.
One of my have writers James Lee Bourke’s novels are set in NO and surrounds, so i feel like i know it.
GO.

hahah, I just finished up an unsuccessful dalliance with a sexy vampire- eastern european, black widow’s peak, reacts badly to garlic- the whole nine. I think I’m done with vampires for now. I do plan on going to New Orleans…but does it have to be now? This job an apartment offer me a huge nugget of money and freedom that’s hard to find…I could do a lot of travelling in the next 6 months and end it with moving to New Orleans…that sounds exciting…

ah, it’s been a retro. computer, phone are both at max and intermittently going out. got braces off and consequence work (tho not from lack of hygiene, just placement) is costing as much as the braces…. which is not a big deal, but it means i am officially in debt for the first time in my life. unexpected car repairs. utter fog about the future. crab’s parents have stopped sending me updates- i’ve been gone a month and it feels like a lifetime. total muddle about how that’s going to turn out. is it my future to change diapers for the rest of my life, and can i do that??? people want to talk to me left and right, and i run away (100x more than normal). totally depressed, eating carbs, and isolating. have pretty much lost all my friends, except for scorp bestie who’s been in europe for the duration. quit my yoga teacher training. just lost. so, basically, normal!! or, at least normal for the last year of neptune square mercury. i kinda like it, to be honest. and, that short time when merc was in pisces, pure magick channeling whatever it is that is bigger bigger bigger than me!

This must be such a difficult and upside-down time for you dearest hidden-more-than-usual Dragon Queen. Everything’s complicated and hard to deal with (both emotionally and materially) and people we need / wish were next to us are maybe not there. It sounds like you’re processing a lot of deep intense stuff for yourself. Carbs to me are care and self-comfort. This is the least of your worries perhaps? Just make sure you have balance with nutrients so that you keep on a level…? I wish I could come by and make you some nice tea and give you a big big hug and say that everything’s going to be ok.
xxxooo

HDQ I have struggled to understand all that has happened in your world recently. All I can say is you have shown so much courage, humanity and dignity that you inspire me on a daily basis. Who cares about yoga and braces and all that. Just wake up each day and do what has to be done. Sending you love and strength xxx

Where is Saturn? Don’t forget to do your Saturn. Saturn is going into my 3rd house. I have decided, much as I love my lonely, I am going to ask neighbor’s for help. I hope you let help reach you too, dear.

I have Saturn natally in the 3rd and wish I had some great insight for you. Small talk bad. My siblings seem to respect me no matter what a fuqstick I am… do I recall you having sibling issues? Apologies for faulty memories. Perhaps an opportunity to reconnect/heal? Neighbors can be a serious blessing. If they’re cool, they drag you out and force you to stop isolating and accept some peer support… I am beyond blessed with wonderful neighbors, and send those vibes down to you! Xxxx

I always think of Saturn as a bad thing – would be great to have it bring healing to those areas. My sibling relations aren’t the greatest – only on speaking terms with 4 of 7 siblings. My new neighbors seem really nice. I am going to have to rely on them more now. I hope they’re up for it

Beautiful Hidden Dragon Queen, this is a great time to live up to your Avatar name here. You must be so raw and confused. I am overwhelmed just hearing what’s going on for you.
Can you see a counsellor to help you prioritise your life at the moment? Crisis Counselling? It’s not psychotherapy, it’s to break this situation down both in terms of responsibilities to your kids, financially and what you want emotionally.
Where is Saturn in transit for you at the moment?
So wish I could be there for you materially. I truly believe you have lots of people who love you, even if they can’t actually contact you right now and you are apparently alone. Even if they are in spirit. Do reach out a hand when you know it’s time. Big hugs gorgeous, xx.

darling andro, you are wonderful. thank you.
saturn is finally, after a year and a half, doing nothing in my chart! the tip of a sun-SN yod, but that’s it. 6th house. no, this is all chiron-pluto-neptune energy. a slow-motion cheese grater. stuff that just has to be sat with. surrendered to, and sat with. retrograde is a blessing, really
counseling: grumble grumble heath care sham system grumble grumble mental health crisis grumble grumble
i am acutely aware that the me i am studying to be could not help the me that i am. grumble grumble
i do have people. much much love
dragon queenhood is claimed by playing Power continuously for the last week? )

Don’t let the big, emo transhits wash you away. We need you here in the daily with us. xo I think Saturn transiting your 6th house would appreciate you finishing your yoga teacher training. Did you pay for it already or is it cost that made you quit?

I’ve paid for half of it. Think I might be able to pick up next year. A big part is that I missed a bunch of classes while in Ohio sitting hospital bedside. Plus I feel in no way ready, but next year…

I think we’re going through similar Chiron transits. Yours to your nodes, moon, and mercury (yeah?), and mine to my Jupiter Saturn Pluto and Neptune, but no matter what, Chiron all the way.

The meditation guru talked about the longing for liberation, and everything in me thought: NO! What a cop out!! There is work to be done. I’m not going anywhere, fellow traveler, and neither are you. Xoxox

“i am acutely aware that the me i am studying to be could not help the me that i am”
I am sure you are helping you the best you can!
Who wouldn’t struggle under the yoke you have on your shoulders right now? Gem always says, “we sink to the level of our training, we don’t rise to the circumstances”. That’s a Saturnian statement in my mind. But even if it is, what can have been your preparation? If this is motivated by “chiron-pluto-neptune energy. a slow-motion cheese grater” if it is such powerful reformation energy, then.. not much.

You are reminding me of the I-Ching:
“A tree on a mountain develops slowly according to the law of its being and consequently stands firmly rooted. This gives the idea of a development that proceeds gradually, step by step.. within is tranquility, which guards against precipitate actions, and without is penetration, which makes development and progress possible”.

Painful reformation and dreams that change us. Well, we have to start somewhere, starting with reforming our dreams is pretty powerful I guess.
Wishing lots of luck & the power of a tree on a mountain love, xx.

Thanks, beautiful. My toro side thrills in being a tree. drawing up nutrients from the deep, being rooted in stillness. It’s the perfect image.
Me not being able to help me is a combo of monetary (make too much to qualify for low-income health but not nearly enough to afford therapy of any sort) and geography (researching group therapy for class (and personal) and was horrified to find the utter and dismal lack.). There is motivation and purpose in this realization. I don’t think that anyone can be truly prepared, but I do think that we can raise our baseline…

Neptune squaring my natal mercury in 12th house virgo. Its supposed to make me confused right. Well I am confused these days…correction i havemoments of utter dreaminess like I am lost in my own world. Brain fogs too. But that could be due to food allergies.

It seems to me that i manage ok most days…preperations for exams keeps me busy that on those days my minddoesn’t even wander over to the past because I am so pleasantly focused on the moment, but when it does, its like a volcanic eruption of feelings, tears, a heavy heart that I can almost feel physically and a taperecorder of nasty words playing inmy head.

I cannot explain the subtlness of the bullying to others and yet I so want to. I feel angry on those days too. Like I need to buy a punching bag to kick until I am a tearful hot emotional exhausted mess. My default mode was to trust all and now thats changed to trust has to be earned andI feel guilty for thinkingt his way. Who am I to demand my trust be earnt and not freely given like a gift?

I have Pluto square venus natally. No mars aspects or transits. Which is why I am surprised i am feeling this anger. Its not all the time just a few days or a few intense moments and then it goes leaving just sadness behind.

Are you referring to my masters application posts? If yes, I’m in a good place mentally with that. I eventually applied which was my firsts tep to moving on. I am not attached to the outcome. Whatever happens hqppens.

This post was about this deep sadnessa I am feeling at the moment. How did I sinks so low with the EX…that he could walk over me so easily. I guess my lesson from saturn transiting my 2nd house has truly been about what I value. I have really been forced to start paying attention to how my actions show I value something as opposed to how much I think I value it in my head.

Update… I dunno if anyone is still on this post but I just had an horary chart cast by my astrologer friend… seeing how bang on accurate she was about some previous events, I decided to ask her how I would feel about signing the least for the New York City apartment…the outcome was bad!

She said there would be struggle and some regret, plus the ruler of the fourth is in the 9th house, meaning i have some traveling to do to find my home. Interesting, no?

Interesting development Pluto.
I’d heed that advice if I were you.
I’m thinking you don’t really want this place in NY down deep and somewhere in you you know it. It’s almost like when you meet a person and on paper they are everything you wanted, they tick all the boxes but the chemistry isn’t there. That’s what this real estate “romance” feels like to me.
Like a shotgun wedding on a mercury retrograde in NY
You sure you’re done with vampires?
I’d say N’orleans is calling. NY sounds like it is sucking you dry. Whatever you do I wish you peace, strength and happiness.

Hahah yeah TOTALLY. It’s like there is always some tempting poison apple just to test me. Last time I tried to leave it was the vampire himself who came to me as that apple. He was, and maybe is, everything I ever wanted in a partner, and yet that still managed to go awry. I guess we are both in way too pivotal a place in out lives to get enmeshed. Still, if it was ever right I’d go to hell and back with him. Strangely enough, he is the one who first brought me to New Orleans ten years ago when i was 18. I hitch hiked there with him from Florida because I was so in love with him but I never let him know…never thought he’d pop up again and we’d actually fall for eachother. So odd.

No, Elise, but I have a feeling I should. The problem is, this city doesn’t inspire me but the vampire boy does. I’m saying vampire because he looks like one, not because he sucks my qi or anything. But broken hearts suck your qi…

Hello.. I know I am not here supporting you all as much.. so I am sorry but can anyone comment to this. I am in despite need of trying to understand relationships. I have NO where to go. If you are going to recommend counseling.. I don’t have the money and need instant communication otherwise I go down this awful path of thinking too much and beating myself up.

Started off very aggressive with him and it wasn’t a problem at first. We have a lot of mutual friends and they all supported us getting together. They even ask about me when they chat with him. We were txting every day. I told him let’s slow it down a bit. He got mad but we decided to continue. We had our night together this past Monday. Ever since then he has been posting on FB all of these “I want that chick” posts or he’s at Hooters now and flashing pictures of these girls. What is up? I am assuming he Is telling me he’s not interested but I don’t know.

VE I have a few ideas.
1: His had his fun and now his done,
2: Hurt pride “cool your heels”, I am still virile look at me and these babes. Emotional man child with no clue how to deal with the situation,
3: Player.
Either way I’d say. Step back and don’t look at what his doing online, because that’s an image of projection. Wait and see if he contacts you and find out where his head is at. Pisces dudes can be all about the chase and the passion is off for them when the kill (conquest) is complete.

Ew Pisces men. Sorry. The Pisces moon men are even worse actually. I am not a relationship expert but I’m getting there, lol. I’ve more or less been put through the ringer with men and with my true node in the 7th I wonder what its all leading up to. Now, first and foremost everything depends on the individuals involved. If this guy seems like a flippant slut and he’s going around talking about girls you may have to take that at face value. Some guys are actually like that and it doesn’t mean anything more. Or maybe he’s hellbent on “proving he’s free”. i don’t know him. But either way don’t lose your cool.

But the most important thing is YOU. Would the ideal mate for you play cat and mouse with you and turn everything into a fiery drama ending in hot romance? Some people like that.

Or would the ideal romance never once “cross you” by disloyally flirting with other women if he truly likes you?

I really am starting to realize two very important things. 1. it shouldnt be too complicated and 2. men appreciate being called on their bullshit, preferrably with as little drama as possible.

I would be polite and graceful as all hell but otherwise cool off your ardour considerably. If him flirting around makes you feel bad then you need to show that your worthy of a man who wouldn’t even risk losing you!

Though once again that depends on whether you’re both into this sort of thing. ..

VE….if this is the beginning then do you really want to continue on? You have standards remember? There are always signals in the beginning and he’s shown you his true colours now don’t try to paint over them.
If he truly wants you and only you he’ll change his ways.
Much love and hugs xx

It’s odd, I love Pisces in general, and I’m very Neptune strong in my chart. My best friend has the Sun, Moon and Mercury in Pisces.

I guess what I meant was the negative experiences I had with Pisces moon men were actually the worst of all because of the sheer confusion. They’re the kind who “love everyone” and have no boundaries so even when they’re dumping you it still seems like they’re into you because they still want to be around you and kiss you and arRRRGGGGHHH. Ok the vampire boy has the moon in Pisces. I said it.

Thank you ALL!! I really appreciate it. It is so hard to find people to talk to about dating or people who even want to talk about it. I don’t want to badger people.

This new guy I wanted to set better boundaries with.. I need to learn how to set boundaries. I guess I need to get out there more to do that. The thing that I don’t want to do is sleep with so many guys! IT is NOT me. Yes, I slept with this one within 2 weeks (yikes) because I knew a lot about him and we have a lot of mutual friends. So there wasn’t a lot questions unanswered. So, yes, how he relates to women is something I don’t know about him. The 2 of us as a pair, again, is going to be a struggle since he was beat up through a divorce and I haven’t had good experiences with men to know what is right. I have come to the conclusion that I would rather go through the crap at the beginning than deal with the crap when I have invested so much of my heart in a relationship. Sounds screwy but I don’t want to find out 5 years down the road that he is freak. Get it out now. So, do I want to continue?.. yes, I do! I think I will learn something from this.. better than the toro/gem. Hey.. I don’t miss him at all! Yippee!!

I lost it tonight with the Pisces after seeing the posts of these girls again and all of our mutual friends responding to it and his sister.. kind of making it seem as though he wants to flaunt himself after he and I were in bed together 2 nights ago.. come on. WTHeck!

I sent him a txt and said “wow.. I am sorry. Do you want me to be upset with all of the women posts on FB? I am not upset. Just let me know if you are speaking to me through FB? I consider that drama. He and I talked about not creating drama between us. This was after I unconsciously created drama. And I was like “ok”.. I will speak to you directly. He responded and said “All is good with me.. we were just playing around.. all is good”.. so I pushed it a little and said “so, you will let me know when you won’t contact me anymore, right? Is that pathetic of me or what. He responded with “yes I will… ” (SIGH)… This is painful and hard work!!

VE, am not really authorised to give out relationship advice, so please take what I say as you wish.

All I know is when it’s something good, it is NOT hard work. All r’ships take work of course, but I mean that the knowing of whether it’s real, whether both parties are on same page, especially after sleeping together, should be quite straightforward.

A phrase that has liberated me with men who play games is “He’s just not that into you.”

It sounds brutal, but, if accurate, is kind, as it reveals the truth. Nothing better or more beautiful than the truth!

Most zany week for 9 months. Playing Midnight Oil really loud explains it all and on the hooch big time
what ive got though this last week was a baptism of fire seriously.
new job, piss poor organisation, (not me of course) kept leonine grace throughout mostly.

Somehow I just put this together… Feb 7 at 5:00 am I had fraudulent activity on my pay pal account Someone bought $200 worth of Starbucks in Canadian dollars – I’m from the US. About 5 minutes later I started receiving spam messages – one after the other – probably around 500 of them. I couldn’t keep up with deleting them. Changed my spam filter, saved the changed, but I didn’t realize that it didn’t update the change. So, for the next two hours my inbox was inundated with spam emails as if I was sending messages to myself. I finally checked the spam filter again and as soon as I changed it AGAIN the emails stopped… WACKINESS….

I love this forum and I love MM! I’ve just started digging into my chart this past year and it’s really so much fun! I’ve learned a lot from you guys…makes me want to visit Australia!!