You want to be able to shut off work enough that you can deeply connect with those you love.

(Or find more people to love.)

You want to make a difference.

And, know what? I know you can do it.

There’s just a little assignment for you first:

I believe, deep in your core, you know what needs to move out of the way so you can get what you want.

I know you know what I’m talking about. It just popped into your mind, didn’t it? Might feel scary. Might feel big. Might feel like you have to move to a new place, or to a new job, or a new relationship just to get what you want.

And the prospect of the big, life-shifting change is exactly what’s kept you stuck.

What if I told you that rather than huge, shattering change, you might only have to make the smallest change? Just one small change to make a big impact?

Some folks stop right there, thinking that they don’t have enough power, energy and oomph to change things.

These are my people.

The second step is entertaining ideas that just might solve the problem.

And folks stop here, too, mostly thinking of ways to eliminate options rather than grow them.

These are my people.

The third step is implementing the idea or ideas that have a chance of working.

Believe me – folks stop here. Dead stop. Terrified.

Because sometimes it’s a slog and it’s hard and the odds of success look like 125,000,000 to 1, and why not stop already?

I love these people.

And then there’s the fourth step.

Boy, this step is great.

It’s where people look up in wide-eyed wonder and say, “Wow. It worked.”

That’s the kind of people you can be.

I have a new process to help people get through the first three steps. The fourth step? Kinda takes care of itself.

From everything I’ve learned over the years, plus some new research and ideas, I’ve developed 20 powerful questions which take 30 minutes to answer.

Yes, it’s an extremely efficient process.

And you end up identifying one thing – one – that is keeping you stuck. One thing you can do just a little bit differently, and unlock your time and energy so you can move on to the place you want to be.

Will it work?

Well, what if I told you that if you keep going the way you’re going now, that in two years all you’d have to show for your effort is more of the same?

More stuck.

More misery.

More pain.

More bleah.

If that sounds fantastic to you, then this process is not for you.

But, if the prospect of two more years of what you’ve got right now makes you feel nauseous, then let me give you hope.

I’ve tested this process on myself and on several clients. One said, “I felt refreshed and uplifted. It’s like this tool shifted my perception to a different part of my brain.” Another said, “And up until our call yesterday, and that beautiful question about what would it be like if you were in the same place two years from now… I don’t know that I would have been able to put the puzzle pieces together. I don’t know that I would have been able to consider other possibilities other than the brick wall that I seem to keep running into when I think about the topic.”

Another? “I also liked some of your questions about what we want to future to look like, in positive words, how would we feel if three years from now we were still in this same position; and what has to change/what is in the way of making this happen? Michele, thank you so much for helping me move forward with my business. I can’t tell you enough how you have helped me break through barriers and given me hope for a better future.”

So, step one – let’s take it on. You up for it?

You know, I rarely try to sell you anything. But this process? It’s something else. And I think you will really benefit. Or I wouldn’t offer it to you.

I’m doing a special offer for November – give me 30 minutes and get unstuck.

The best winning solution is the one relevant to who you are and where you want to go. The best solution is the one you can visualize for yourself, and create to your own specifications.

The best solution really works for you.

So why not ask the person who’s selling you their wholesale, turn-key, nearly guaranteed thingy, “Don’t I deserve a customized solution for this price?”

Because you do. If you want to be truly successful.

Unfortunately, the seller’s personal success plan is based on wholesaling solutions to you and hundreds or thousands of hopeful types just like you. Customized takes too much time, is too difficult, is too specific, is too long-term. Customized requires a relationship, for heaven’s sake. It’s hard to be a jet-setting, Internet famous, location independent superstar when you have to bother with relationships with clients!

The real problem for “secret” sellers is this: Customized can’t be re-sold in the same way turn-key solutions can be sold – over and over and over again.

[Which, by the way, is the “secret of success” many folks will teach you. Just saved you $15,000.]

There’s not the same kind of money in telling you that success may take a little thoughtful customization. Telling you success may take some time. It may take some failure, and learning. May need revision. May be found in something completely different than you expected. May not come at all. Hard to sell that in a weekend workshop, or a high-priced mastermind group, huh?

When you were a kid, did you ever read Aesop’s fables? I did. And there’s one I keep coming back to – The Tortoise and The Hare.

Let me ask you, in that old fable, who ultimately won the big race? Was it the Hare, who ran so fast that he could rest during the race, who impressed the girl bunnies, who had so many tricks up his sleeve, who was so flashy? Or, was it the Tortoise, who kept on plugging away, kept going step by step, kept to an approach consistent with his turtle nature?

Of course, it was the Tortoise. But it’s easier to sell the flash of the Hare than the steady plodding of the Tortoise.

I wonder if you’re heading into the coming “magical” Christmas week with slightly more than a teensy bit of anxiety? So much to do, so little time. A lot of moving parts, and moving people. Gifts to get, food to prepare, people to be polite to (it’s that last part that’s the real challenge, huh?).

As Ricky Ricardo might say, “Ai, yi, yi, yi, yi”.

If you’re beginning to feel like all you have to do is endure the next week, take a deep breath. This 4-Step Holiday Survival Guide will turn things around for you.

Oh, it’s possible. Yes, I know your track record. I heard about the year with drunk Uncle Ralph, well… ralphing. I recall the Christmas of Misplaced Nuts and Bolts. And, of course, the never to be forgotten Year of the Stomach Flu.

Four things. That’s all you have to remember to not only get through this week, but to really enjoy it.

1. Have no expectations. This doesn’t have to be a Christmas to remember (great song, but sorry, Amy Grant). The more you push to make it “magical” the less likely it is going to be magical. You might have an expectation that the True Christmas Experience means handsome mother and father in matching Christmas sweaters sipping a hot toddy before the fire while their well-behaved children play quietly and reverently with their well-appreciated new toys. Honey, unless you live in Stepford, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Everyone has wild cards in their families. A puppy. Or toddlers. Or teens. Or Uncle Ralph. I’m just sayin’.

If you’re single, or newly divorced, or newly partnered, or newly widowed, holding this unattainable expectation of the fabled True Christmas Experience in your heart and mind will only bring you suffering. Drop it. Love what you’ve got. Oh, of course, recognize the learning in the yearning and work toward getting some of that – connection, belonging, love, perhaps – into your life another way. Maybe by volunteering at the food bank or mentoring a struggling reader. Remember: You can create what you want.

2. Be present. I mean: when you’re with people, look them in the eye. Participate in conversations. Help with the dishes. When you’re checking your office email, or mentally checking off your to-do list, you’re not really “here”. You’re “there”. When you find yourself with alone time during the holidays, be equally present. With yourself. Feel how you feel. Pay attention to the book you’re reading. Really taste your food. If you’re present to yourself, you’ll be a fuller person, and, voila!, much happier.

3. Find the fun. Let’s just say it out loud – the holidays are hilarious. You are making the stuff of family legends, folks. To tell you the truth, memories of the unintended humor inherent in Christmas gatherings can keep me going through the dark, cold days of February, like when Andrew ate potpourri, thinking it was a snack (priceless). Or, like the time my friend Karen and her family woke to the sound of “Crash (tinkle, tinkle, tinkle)” to find the Christmas tree had toppled, the ornaments had all broken and sappy tree water had run all over the gifts (OK, they laugh about it now). Oh, and remember that spontaneity can be an instant fun creator. Have a snowball fight. Or a margarita party. Dance. Do the Wii with great-grandma (I bet the old girl could nail Beatles Rock Band).

4. Give generously, not reciprocally. Yes, this is the lesson Scrooge finally learned, and we all know it because we saw the Bill Murray movie. But times are still tough for a lot of people, and what matters most is that you be the kind of person you want to be this Christmas. Want to send something to your nieces and nephews? Go ahead, do it – even if their family can’t reciprocate. And you don’t have to give Things – you can give time. Trust me on this one, even teenagers appreciate it when someone makes time to listen to them. Give because you want to be a giving person.

Oh, and don’t forget to give something to yourself this year. I mean it – find a little something that will buoy your spirits, and give you joy. Wrap it up and put it under the tree. Or give it to yourself in a quiet moment of reflection. It can be as low-cost as the gift of a nap. Or as expensive as a new car. Choose what feels right. Because taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others.

When you hold Christmas in a clenched fist of direction and control, or focus on the keeping and settling of scores, it’s a lose-lose-lose situation you’re setting up. And you’ll have a lousy week. So, lighten up. Relax. Enjoy. And sing along as great-grandma belts out “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.”

It’s going to be a happy, action-packed fall for yours truly. Thought I’d give you a sense of what’s on my dance card, and extend an open invitation – join in on anything that appeals to you. You’re absolutely welcome and I’d love to see you.

September starts off with a bang – my book tour for I Am Not Superwoman: Further Essays On Happier Living. In each city, I’ll be leading a 5 hour workshop using tools and ideas in the book to help all of us would-be Superwomen relax, take a deep breath and craft work and life that matters. The calendar looks like this:

October 8th – Annapolis, MD 9:30-2:30pm (sponsored by St. Anne’s School Parent’s Association)

Each workshop offers an autographed copy of my book, five hours of great tools, exercises and learning plus a supportive, interesting group of women to meet and work with. You’ll get a delicious lunch, too! $179 for the day in each location.

Additional dates are being planned in Southern California, Houston and New York City. If you’d like to help, or come, or have other suggestions, please drop me a note.

If you are anywhere close to these cities, I would love to see you. Come by, will you? And stay tuned for sign-up information – coming soon!

I also have a wonderful group forming – designed especially for women asking “What’s Next?” I’ve run this program several times before and it’s always a great success for those participating. In a three month process, you’ll work in a small group with other like-minded people – who are all working on discovering What’s Next?

We’ll work on getting clear on your strengths, values, priorities and passions, then take steps to determine how and where you can get more of what you want in your life.

Starting Tuesday, September 14th, we’ll meet every other week at 7pm (EST) in an intensive 90 minute phone conference, where you’ll get great coaching and support from me and from the group. Dates: September 14, 28, October 12, 26, November 9, 23. You’ll get: A comprehensive Myers-Briggs Type Indicator™ with a thorough analysis of what it means for you; other assessments, worksheets and tools to uncover the best of you; homework and assignments; email support between sessions; and, the great feeling that comes from working in a group with other like-minded people.

If you’re a coach, or becoming a coach, I’m launching a cool class series with Master Coach Alexis Robin – you’ll learn everything you need to know about creating events, from people who know how to do them. The largest event I’ve ever planned involved about 250,000 people on the Washington Mall. Alexis has a rich experience in hotels. Together, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about using events to grow your business.

And also for coaches, my pal Master Coach Pam Slim and I are offering a Marketing Strategy Intensive October 15 – 16, at the Roger Williams Hotel in NYC. Working with a high-powered, small group, you won’t just learn how to market your business – no, you’ll walk away with a specific, executable strategic plan. Don’t miss this one – we have a special guest star coming, too: Crystal Williams of BigBrightBulb.com will do her magic to make your plan that much better! More details coming shortly.

Yes, it’s a lot of stuff, but I look forward with enthusiasm – what great people I will see! What great work we’ll do! What fun we’ll have.

In case you’re wondering, I’m writing this for you today. Because I know how much you struggle. I know how you try to be brave and strong, and try to be positive, and try so very hard to bring only good things into your life.

In an effort to preserve the peace, you’ve swallowed your words for years. Conflict or even the prospect of conflict – wow, that gives you an ache in the pit of your belly.

How can you be the person everyone expects you to be and say things that are hard to say? Harder to hear?

What if people heard what you really had to say, and then got mad? Caused a scene? Decided they didn’t like you? Fired you? Or left you?

Academics write books on effective communication and they always envision scenarios where both parties are equally committed to a positive solution. Like this actually happens in the real world. Usually, one timid person raises a difficult something and a bully turns into rubber and bounces the pain back. You’ve been there, haven’t you?

Honey, I know you. And I know just how hard this is – but I also know how much you suffer in silence.

Can I tell you something? Every time you refrain from saying what needs to be said, you lose a little bit of your self. A little bit of your strength. A little bit of what makes you, you. And one day you may wake up to find that there’s nothing left.

That’s the hollow and vacant space where your soul once was. That’s when you wonder who you are and if your life really has any meaning.

Don’t wait until you’re there. Start from right here. Pledge to yourself that you won’t walk away from the difficult subjects lodged in your heart. Be patient and gentle with yourself – it’ll be a bit overwhelming to start reversing the pattern, because you’ve been out of practice for years.

Know how wonderful children are? Know how they say the darnedest things? Kids have the honest heart to ask, “Why?” And they have the presence to say “ouch” when something hurts.

And here’s where I’d like you to focus – on being like a wonderful kid.

Simply say “ouch” when something hurts.

The easiest way to start having hard conversations is to focus on your own “ouch”. Too many of us face difficult people and difficult conversations with the intention that we’re going to win by getting someone else to change, or by getting them to validate us by telling us, by golly, that we’re right!

When where you have to start is by claiming your own voice, and knowing that simply expressing yourself is winning.

It doesn’t matter what the other person does. It doesn’t matter how they react. What matters is that you have claimed where you hurt, and what that means for you.

Of course, your pain ain’t nobody’s business but your own. So no blaming, and no name calling, OK? Simply state, “I feel …” and get it out there.

Sure, it’s scary. But start small. Don’t jump out of the box by confronting the biggest, baddest pain you’ve ever faced. Start with the small pain in the moment, be clear about what feels ouchy, use “I” statements and – guess what? – it’ll probably be no big deal to anyone else but you. And each time you recognize and voice your ouch, you’ll build your muscles, and feel stronger, and then you can tackle the larger and larger ouches.

Until the long-held pain is gone and all you have to do is manage the little bumps and scrapes you get in the course of a day.

It was a year ago today – the Sunday after Thanksgiving – that I found the lump. The lump that turned out to be cancer.

And what a year it’s been.

That Sunday, I was at the computer trying to make sense of the strange things happening to my body. Of course, I used the symptom checker at WedMD.com. [Also known as “Hypochondriacs R Us.”] One of the options it spit out was thyroid disease.

“I have a thyroid?” Seeking the best-of-the-best information, I went to the Johns Hopkins website, where I learned that my thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland at the base of my neck, in charge of my metabolism. I put my hand there. It felt like a swollen gland. Hopkins said that if I swallowed and the lump moved up and down then it was likely I had a thyroid nodule.

I swallowed. It moved.

I freaked out.

It was not pretty. My mind raced from disastrous outcome to disastrous outcome. I spun story after story, none of them with a happy ending. Oh, I was a gray little Eeyore of a woman, muttering gloom and doom, misery and unhappiness.

But then I had to stop. Because crisis requires consistent, sustained focus. And panic trumps focus. Every single time.

And I had to focus to make my way through what was, at times, a baffling medical process.

The day after I found the lump, the medical machinery got moving with my first appointment with a doctor which led to an ultrasound of my neck which led to a fine needle biopsy which led to a meeting with a surgeon which led to surgery which led to a meeting with an endocrinologist which led to a meeting with a nuclear medicine doctor which led to radiation, which, months later, led to an outcome – disease free.

I never thought I’d say it, but I am so very grateful to have had cancer. It was a challenge I was handed, and I handled it. I’m more myself today than I’ve ever been. And I’m grateful for that.

And that’s my message to you today. Challenges will come. And they will come to you. And those you love. You may find, in that challenging instant, “To freak out, or not to freak out” becomes the question.

Freaking out in a crisis is a way to get our internal chaos to match the external chaos we face. There’s a comfort and balance in it, you know, because it’s all… matchy-matchy. But a freak out is not sustainable over the long term – panic saps your energy so you lack the ability to help yourself, or help others.

I’ve found that the ticket to managing a challenge is to freak out if you need to freak out, and do a thorough job of it. But then gather yourself together as soon as you’re able, so you can put your time and attention on whatever it is that’s facing you.

Because there is good stuff there if you know where to look.

Every challenge I’ve faced – and I’ve faced cancer, unemployment, divorce, death of a loved one – has been a moment of discovery. And, if you’re open to it, it will be for you, too.

A crisis point can be the moment when you discover what’s important to you, and the depths of your own strength and resilience. You discover who you really love, and who really loves you.

Getting the stuffing kicked out of you, ironically, provides an wonderful opportunity to become a fuller, richer version of yourself. But only if you let it. So why not let it?