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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Query Letter Writing Process

Let it be known: I like writing query letters.

That's right. I won't deny it any longer. And...well, the contest thingy I have coming up right here on this blog channel? Yup, you guessed it. Related to queries. So let's get started on honing yours.

Some of you are new around here. I'm a bit of a freak in the regard that I enjoy writing query letters. Like, a lot. I usually start writing my query when I start writing the book.

Query Letter Writing Sekrit #1: You don't need every single plot point in the query. We just need the skeleton. And writing the query BEFORE the book -- I mean, how much more skeletal can you get?

I'm pretty good at getting the bones down by now (yes, even agented authors must write blurbs or query pitches). But here's a glimpse into how I developed this lunacy, er, query letter writing talent.

1. Write by hand. There's just something different about writing with a pencil. Number one, it forces my brain to sloooww dooowwn, something I really struggle with.

2. Print out successful queries. Mine is here. I wrote a whole eBook that has an entire section devoted to "queries that worked." (But wait till Friday to buy - there's going to be a sale!) Or click here, where most authors who do an interview for Pat provide their winning query letter.

With the printed queries in hand, I highlighted all the first sentences. I read them. Over and over. I came up with a formula for why they worked. Basically, I found this: a one-sentence hook line for the entire novel.

Mine:"In a world where Thinkers control the population and Rules aren't meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces."

Then I read the last sentence of the blurb, skipping everything in between. I think this should give the reader a very good idea of what the book is about, just in two short sentences.

Mine:"When secrets about her "dead" sister and not-so-missing father hit the fan, Vi must make a choice: control or be controlled."

Together, they read: "In a world where Thinkers control the population and Rules aren't meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces. When secrets about her "dead" sister and not-so-missing father hit the fan, Vi must make a choice: control or be controlled."

Everything in the middle came later. Much later. (So much later, that I'm going to blog about them next week. And then I'm going to talk about the "other" paragraphs in a query -- the ones besides the blurb.)

So if you're writing a query, just start with nailing that first sentence and then the last. It should encapsulate the novel, from a starting point to an ending point, with nothing in between. It seems like a small step, but it's really not. And we all need to start writing query letters in small steps anyway, right? Right.

What do you think? Can you take out the middle of your query and still have an explanation of your book from beginning to end? Try it! Post it in the comments, let us see and help. Even agented authors can do this -- and it might really help someone to see something like this from another query that worked.

94 comments:

This made my brain cramp. But it was the most helpful query advice ever. The way you phrased it...distilling from first sentence to last sentence. Awesome. Your are a goddess. *deep breath* Here's what I made:

"No one travels in the country of Tharse, for fear of ancient beasts, dangerously unanswered riddles and roads that have a nasty habit of changing direction – but a journey across the country is the only way fourteen year old Elynor can save her brother’s life. Elynor is not a Chosen One, a hero, or a princess in disguise with magical powers – only a girl who will do whatever she has to do to protect the ones she loves."

Jess, I think it reads pretty well. I love the hook sentence, with the bit of snap in the voice. The only thing I might do is take out the words "in disguise" in the last sentence. But really, what's 2 words??

Help! Is it terrible that I can't seem to summarize my book at all? I don't even know how to get as far as a first and last sentence. Sad huh? I'm so terrified of cramming my whole book into one sentence/query/synopsis that I've been saying I wouldn't do it until I've finished revising. I know I should just do it, but when I think about it, I don't even know where to begin. Everything I think to say would give away things I don't want given away and considering my book has so many POVs and the most major is from the perspective of the villain... well, I'm at a complete loss. Sorry for the rant.

And if I could comment to Nisa: just write SOMETHING! TRY it! I've rewritten my mini-synopsis probably ten times, and each time it gets better and better. Keep reading examples of ones that work, and try wording yours in one of those formats but with your story's elements. That's what I did, and I'm really pleased with the latest version. Good luck everyone!

Elana, I was so going to beg you for help with my newest since you did a bang up job with my last one! And reading your "story" again on querytracker always gives me hope to push ahead (esp. the 150 queries part) :D

I tried to put mine here but had trouble with your formula, which tells me I suck again :D So now I have to go away and work on it--thanks!

Hey, now, what's with this sale on the e-book? Do I get a refund? : ) Kidding.

I finally honed down the opening paragraph of my own query into something that zings with me. Whether it zings with an agent, I have no clue . . . yet. I still have to work on the middle part. Sigh. Oh well, at least I have someone's handy-dandy e-book to help me along the way.

This is awesome advice! I love when you can break down success into something like a formula or a set of key components. Writing is obviously a venue for individuality and style, but there's nothing wrong with breaking down some good writing basics into measurable pieces.

Thanks for the tips! I may have to devote some time to a query letter soon, even though my book is very barebones at this point. :)

He’s vain. He’s headstrong. He believes he has a destiny. His peers think he’s a coward, and will never be a good provider. The adults worry he won’t live to see grandchildren. He is, Marvin P. Tinkleberry, hero.

Great advice! I hate writing the final sentence of the query. Other than the hook, it's seems to be the most critical. I keep wondering if mine's too vague because I don't mention the bad person specifically. It pretty much gives away the ending if I do. And I've heard that's not cool. ;)

Oh, sigh. I just got feedback from an intern who said I'd be better off starting over with my query letter because I didn't build my world enough for a YA paranormal query. She picked every sentence apart. Good on the one hand, completely devastating on the other. How do I put the pieces back together? How do I get past the slush pile???? (Plus, she thought "adventure" fit my ms better than "thriller." Is there such a "genre"?)

I'm not getting it. I think what I write is clear, but I get feedback like I'm writing in a different language or something. It makes me wonder about my ability to communicate at all.

You are truly the Query Goddess -- now I'm going to look at mine to check the 2-sentence thing. Also, that's so sweet of you to tell people to wait to buy your book, but I can attest the book is worth every penny. Can't wait for the contest!

Dawn has lived her life under the shadow of a curse--she will prick her finger on a rose and sleep forever--so with no friends, no life outside her home, and not content to sit at home and wait for the inevitable like her parents seem to be, she sets off into the fairy woods, determined to find her own solution. Dawn never dreamed she would find a hideous monster, a ridiculous prince, and ultimately, herself, on the journey she takes to avoid her destiny.

Bish, I really like yours. I might take out a couple of things though...

He’s vain. Headstrong. Believes he has a destiny. (I took out the "He's" at the beginning of these. I think they read snappier.)Everyone thinks he’s a coward, and will never be a good provider. The adults worry he won’t live to see grandchildren. (I'd cut this in favor of getting to the fantastic hero bit.) He is, Marvin P. Tinkleberry, hero.

As the third year anniversary of her father’s disappearance looms, sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone develops unexpected feline traits he inherited to her.

Had she known about the existence of shapeshifters, maybe she would have been prepared when she grew whiskers and pointed ears. But her father ran away before he told her because a rival threatened to kill him. Too bad the rival wants to use her as bait to lure her father out of hiding. Without her dad, Nickie is left to figure out how to adapt to life as a shapeshifter on her own—until seventeen-year-old Xavian sees her newly formed appendages and offers to help. He can transform his body too and since he has connections to others with the same ability, she could use his advice.

Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.

Dawn has lived (sugg: lives) her life under the shadow of a curse--she will prick her finger on a rose and sleep forever--so (delete) with no friends, no life outside her home, and not content to sit at home and wait for the inevitable like her parents seem to be, (delete) she sets off into the fairy woods, determined to find her own solution. Dawn never dreamed she would find a hideous monster, a ridiculous prince, and ultimately, herself, on the journey she takes to (I get what you're saying, but maybe, "...herself as she attempts to avoid her destiny." would roll a little better. Maybe?) avoid her destiny.

Elana, I am buying your book (hubby made me wait until Christmas credit card charges are paid.) I can't wait to get into it. I dub thee, QUEEN ELANA! Queen of the query. Hmmm, pretty fancy huh?

Here's mine.

Seventy Two Hours follows Anna and Claire, two 13 year - old girls one a diabetic, as they set out on an end of summer endurance horseback ride alone in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.

I would have never thought to do this. I'm going to try it when I get home. Thanks for this :) I need all the help I can get with my query. I'm confident in my story. My query, however, always seems to fall flat.

You. Are. AWESOME! I posted a link over on my blog telling everyone to come here!

Ok, here's my stab...

Keeping a secret for thirty years is not the easiest thing to do, especially when it’s regarding a child you never had, but Rachel Hanlin somehow manages to do exactly that. Until Nathan accidentally stumbles across a box of hidden journals and confronts Rachel about the secret she’s kept from him, forcing her to confront her biggest fear – losing the child she always knew.

Okay, I actually haven't started working on my query letter yet, but you make a good point about writing it before you even finish the novel. Weekend project for when I'm home moping because an ice storm is most likely keeping me from the Austin SCBWI conference. :(

Elana, Thank you so much for connecting with me. You have the best profile descrip! Your humor is delightful. I don't have even one spare min. now, as I type at record speed. I just got home from a workout. I'm hungry, need a shower, and must return to the cold to pick up the children, bring them to the Y, pick up the biggest kid, return home and teach four piano lesson!!

Wow, you ARE good at writing queries. I hate writing them. But I like your formula. And I do like the idea of writing them with just the idea of your book in mind. I bet that really helps weed out all the junk. Hmmm, maybe I'll try that on the book I just started. Thanks for the tips.

In a time when Vismour prospers, few look for signs of change and fewer still accept what they discover, so it is no surprise that none of the city's leaders want to help solve what they see as an irrelevant mystery. Dark works spread across the city like fire across dry fields and, in the end, it is impossible to deny the bloody force spilling across the land.

It’s time for the devil’s daughter to join the family business of ruining lives and stealing souls, but sixteen-year-old Desolation Black wants to be good. With the help of angel and love-of-her-heart Michael, Lost Soul James, and good-girl Miri, Desi will fight the demons of hell and her own father for freedom of all people—including the right to choose for herself the kind of person she will be.

Put upon, overworked Vasilissa dreams of a hero who will rescue her. But when her nine year old siblings disappear, Vasilissa is pulled into an adventure shrouded with mystery and enchantment. Folklore and Legend collides as dark factions battle for power.When Vasilissa finally comes face-to-face with real live heroes, not only do they not rescue her, she may be the hero they've been looking for.

Yay! Yay! Advice on queries! Just what I'm working on.Here's what I've got so far for my chapter book...No one likes to be teased, and this includes Stefani Lucas. Stef loves rock music and the very cool color of black, in fact that’s all she wears. When classmates tease her about her wardrobe and even double dares her to (gasp!) wear another color, Stef wonders if she should give in and try something new. New clothes and a surprise performance by her dad’s band at the grade school help Stef and her friend Gabi realize it is better to just be yourself.

What a cool post! So I've combined the 1st & last line of my original query, which landed my agent and got a book deal! Does it still hook you??

xoxo -- Hilary

"As a girl, still at the age when toys were the appropriate gift, I hated getting dolls. I've completed NIGHTSHADE CITY, an 80,000 word novel, focusing on fighting for what you believe in, the true meaning of family and refusing to let a few decide the fate of many."

If only Kathryn could figure out a way to help her mom, to get inside those dark recesses of her mind and bring her back out, and home from the state hospital for the insane. Then she could, what? Marry the doctor's son; go off to college - for what; contribute to the war, but girls don't go to war, afterall, War is Not for Girls. (that last part is the title. It's not really two concise sentences, but there it is.)

Thanks for your great post. It's time for me to work on my query and I'm avoiding it. I'm going to check out the queries you recommend working on and start working on mine. Thanks so much for posting on this.

I actually haven't written a query yet. Next on my to-do list! I don't know if you do blog awards or not, but I left you one over on my blog. You don't need to do anything about it if you don't want to, I just wanted to give you some recognition :) http://www.tianalei.com

If only Kathryn could figure out a way to help her mom, to get inside those dark recesses of her mind and bring her back out, and (delete) home from the state hospital for the insane. Then she could, what? Marry the doctor's son; go off to college - for what; contribute to the war, but girls don't go to war, afterall, War is Not for Girls.

Janet, I think yours is fan-freaking-tastic!

Kelly, you did not just (gasp!)! I (gasp!) in my query. That's it. We're querymates. :) :) :)

Ali, you should send just those two sentences. Srsly. They're amazing!

Nisa, yours looks really good as well. :)

And yes, Danyelle. I just sent off three pitches/query blurbs for NOVELS I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET. So yeah. All authors have to blurb. Might as well get used to it, right? Right.

Karen, tagged and starred?? *humbled*

Thanks to everyone who shared and commented today! You guys are the fabulousestness!

I'm amazed by your love of query writing and really hope it will rub off on me. Right now I approach it as I would a Huntsman spider (a tarantula we get in the house here in Australia sometimes).By the way, I gave you a blog award. http://lorelclayton.blogspot.com/2010/01/i-love-awards-really.html

I cannot write a query to save my life (or books!). I have this one book I wrote 2 years ago but still haven't shopped it around because I can't get the query right. It's that bad. Believe me, I'm reading your blog!

Ack! Sorry, Mary, my eyes just had a lot of fur on them last night, and I glazed over it.

Put upon, (I'd start after this with "Overworked") overworked Vasilissa dreams of a hero who will rescue her. But when her nine year old siblings disappear, Vasilissa is pulled into an adventure shrouded with mystery and enchantment. Folklore and Legend collides as dark factions battle for power.(I'd delete this. We're just going for two sentences, the beginning and the ending of the blurb.)When Vasilissa finally comes face-to-face with real live (delete) heroes, not only do they not rescue her, she may be the hero they've been looking for.

I love your query advice. I usually try to write my query before I start the first chapter of the book. That's when my mind is focused on the gist of the plot.

For the one novel, the query was so awesome I had requests for partials and fulls on the same day I sent it out. But for the second book, for some strange reason, I waited until after writing the story to do the query. It was twice as hard to focus my query on just one hook and absolutely sucked. Ugh!

Grr I'm so late! Well, if you still have the kindness to critique, here goes nothing.

ps-this is my very first query every written...ever. Please do not be gentle-ya know, so I can learn. :-)

When a new drug hits the streets of a rural town in Nevada teenagers start dying at an alarming rate. Sixteen-year-old Moira Ward's first assignment as a PI for The Company: find the "cook" of this new drug and prevent more teens from dying. Not so hard if she can keep herself alive in the midst of drugs, parties and sex long enough to find him.

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"Possession held me completely captivated from beginning to end. And what an end! I fell in love with the characters and had countless moments of 'Wow.'"--James Dashner, bestselling author of The Maze Runner and The Scorch Trials

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