I feel like complete shit. My wife of one year went out partying this past summer and made out one night while drunk and high on cocaine. She told me the next day and I was pretty angry and distant from her for about a month after. The thing is, almost the exact same thing happened with me before we got married and I never told her about it. Seeing that she was struggling with guilt and shame about a month after the incident, I came clean to her and told her that the same thing happened to me about 3 years before we got married.

She seemed to take this well, but I could tell she was upset with me in the coming weeks. I tried to talk with her about it but she wasn't interested and rarely expressed how angry she was with me. Things seemed to basically get back to normal around a month ago, but one night my wife told me she was pregnant and that she wasn't sure if it was mine because she had slept with another guy a couple of times in the past month. She had been having an affair with the same guy she kissed on that drunken night a few months ago.

This was about three weeks ago. I've tried to ask her why she did it and the main reason seems to be that she felt bitter toward me because I hadn't told her about kissing that girl before we were married. I totally understand her anger at me and her desire to get revenge but I can't come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't talk with me about it before and she chose to have an affair instead. She chose to abort the baby and is now struggling with that and the fact that I lied to her, and I feel like I can't communicate with her about the affair without her coming back at me with these two other things she's struggled with.

This morning, I told her that I don't think we can work through everything that has happened and that I think we should get a divorce. She went off on me about how I am giving up and how this whole situation is my fault. I know it is at least partially my fault (maybe mostly) but I've tried bringing us to marriage counseling and talking through things, we don't have kids or a house yet, and I feel like our relationship is just fucked up beyond all reason at this point. Does it sound like I'm making the right decision or should I try to make it through another month or two before making such a big decision?

I know you usually come here just to post inflammatory comments, its kinda your thing but how are they made for eachother? He kisses some while their dating. She kisses then fucks another dude, then gets pregnant and aborts it.

He kissed a chick, and she either got pregnant by another man and murdered his baby, or got pregnant by her husband and continued to cheat on her husband and then murdered her husbands baby. Doesn't seem balanced..

Edit: I am not against women having the choice to have an abortion. However it should not be a birth control method...

Even she is struggling with having the abortion, a fetus is what becomes a child. I'm curious, if someone kicked a pregnant lady in the stomach and she lost the pregnancy you wouldn't want that person held accountable for murdering her baby?

Doesn't matter. A debate about abortion is off-topic and irrelevant, and it should have been pretty obvious that putting it in those terms would add nothing to this discussion and wouldn't lead to any productive conversation. Therefore, your choice of words was unwise to put it mildly.

She was drunk and fucking high on cocaine when she made out with the dude. REALLY NOT THE BEST IDEA TO BE 1) drunk, 2) high on narcotics. If we assuuuuume she was totally not in her right mind. Its a shitty move to make out with someone when your married, but i imagine OP having some leeway on it considering she was fucked up.

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I would consider this a huge breach of trust, maybe not cheating. She cheated on OP after he told her the story. Which either 1) she was planning on - since it was the same guy or 2) she did it for revenge for something that happened 3 years ago - which makes her really fucking petty and not at all mature WHEN SHE IS MARRIED.

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This cheating shit though....i'd fucking bounce dude. I might have left when she was doing cocaine TBH. Then the fact she wants to blame you for it? Every single time she cheats its on her. You fucked up in the past and if she was so torn up over it, she should have talked to you, or left you when she found out. To actually purposefully cheat on you multiple times though? That shit is on her.

Whole heartedly agree with this! You both made a mistake by hooking up with someone else, but that should have been the end of it. The fact that she felt the need to be so petty and go fuck this guy multiple times. Entirely her fault for making things worse. Get out man

Everyone has rights to any and all boundaries that they choose. Doesn't change the fact that it's ridiculous (and classic, unrealistic r/relationship_advice) to suggest you would break up a marriage because your partner used a party drug once.

Some people think doing cocaine is the same as doing heroine or meth. I'm not condoning cocaine use, but having a night of partying on cocaine in your past is a lot different than having a night of partying on heroine in your past. Cocaine is like one step up from mushrooms.

Just be glad it happened now as opposed to when/if you have kids and/or a house. It’s an easy decision now but later when she’s cheating on you in your own bed and your lives are even further intertwined you’ll just keep wondering what you did cause it will always be your fault in her mind. Really, she could just not be into you anymore, she could just be a shitty person, or she just a narcissist.

Either way, she’s married. She cheated. She doesn’t respect you. It’ll happen again. Respect yourself since it doesn’t seem like she does.

Sooo let me get this straight... You KISSED a girl 3 years ago before you and your wife were married... so her response is to have repeated unprotected sex with the guy she made out with and felt guilty about and get pregnant? Just... Wow.

Hop off this hot mess express before it really becomes a total train wreck. You are lucky you have no kids or house so the divorce should go quick.

How are people not getting this? She fucked another guy and got pregnant. He kissed someone 3 years before they were married. These are not in the same league, not even the same universe as cheating. LOL WTF.

Woman will do that for men too, make complete exceptions for them, defending a lump of bullshit like it’s a good man. They feel sorry for them, somehow, even tho they are just garbage people pretending to be victims forced into their abusive ways. It bugs me when anyone does that about anyone, probably mostly cuz I’m afraid of doing the same thing.

To be fair i understand her being upset about not telling her what had happened BEFORE they got married. The biggest betrayal isn't the kissing it's the hiding it. A drunken mistake sure, but you're sober every day you dont come clean. Especially not bringing it before getting married (when it's easier to walk away) feels really messed up.

Then she comes clean to cheating on him and he lets her feel guilty for betraying her loyal spouse only to find out he's judging her for the same thing he did but never bothered to tell her. It was 3 years ago for him but it's brand new for her.

That being said I agree the proper response is to just split up then, not go out and continue having an affair. I'm honestly amazed she thinks their relationship has any chance at all.

That being said the proper response is to just split up then, not go out and continue having an affair. I'm honestly amazed she thinks your relationship has any chance at all.

I didn't say it wasn't worse, or disagree entirely with the post. Just that I get why she was upset and I don't think it's good to minimize his actions just because what she did was 'worse' or that is was 3 years ago. I guess the way I see it I would break up with someone if they did what he had done, and someone had hid that from me until after we got married I would be furious.

I agree, sex is obviously way worse but he didn't just kiss a girl, he lied about it for years until after they'd gotten MARRIED. He obviously new it was a big deal because he chose to hide it from her.

Difference to me is she told him immediately afterward. I get where you're coming from. I think I'm more describing the situation up until her decision to have the affair. Even then for me the relationship would have been over when she first kissed the dude so idk. As soon as that threshold is crossed it's over (for me personally) so hiding it just wastes my time I could be spending with someone else.

Actually, she's pregnant and in a lot of states you can't get divorced while pregnant. If you have a baby that was conceived during a marriage in a lot of states, your husband is the presumed father until he signs over his rights. That can only be done after a DNA test after the baby is born. So he's going to be waiting a bit before this all blows over if he's unfortunate enough to be in one of those backwards ass states... Unless she will agree to keep her mouth shut about the pregnancy and get the divorce over asap

If your wife can’t see the difference between drunkenly making out with some girl three years before you’re married and having a full blown affair and getting pregnant with some other guy, she’s not mature enough to be in a real relationship. Get out now. Don’t try to talk to her about it. If she’s not even accepting any responsibility for her actions talking is a waste KT time.

It's all over except for the paperwork at this point. You'll both be better off starting fresh in another relationship that doesn't have so much baggage. Take the necessary steps to prep yourself legally and financially for divorce and only then should you bring it up to her.

This is great for some situations but i dont feel it applies here at all. She never denies that it happened (shes the one that came clean about it, and even then op still refused to come clean about his cheating). She also never says its not so bad (she felt super guilty about it until op told her he did the same thing but had lied about it for years). She only implied op deserved it.

She essentially used your screw up as an excuse to keep screwing up. Someone in another thread said that cheaters lie to them selves that it’s the other persons fault and what not. The fact that she allowed herself to get pregnant from another guy, this is so disrespectful to you and the marriage you have. Sorry to hear your struggle but I think like most have stated that divorce is probably best.

OP - her words are irrelevant now, if you want to leave and divorce that is 100% up to you, even if your were unsure, her switching this to blaming you should be the final nail in the coffin, which your marriage now resides in

kissing another person 3 years is shitty but let's be honest, coke fuelled unprotected sex, doesn't even that one out in any universe

You do realize that you are in no way responsible for her choices right?
These are the choices she made, the first cheating was without any prior knowledge, so it doesn't even "balance" your cheating early in.
Then this turns into unprotected sex, enough times that she has no idea who the father is, not to mention exposing you to major health risks, and you are at fault here?
I hate to say it but there isn't even ill-logic that makes that work.
I would wager that the first instance she admitted to you, was due to her being caught by someone that was going to get back to you with information.
What proof do you have that the affair hasn't been simply ongoing for much more than you have been told?
I always find the whole "it was just one time" and the female is pregnant totally funny.
How does that work since most couples have to try for ages, on average, to get pregnant?

Also sounds like she lost respect and love for him in the process. Which doesn’t make what she did right AT ALL but yeah. The long secret and the treatment after certainly did no favors, even if she hadn’t had the affair.

OP, don’t keep secrets next time and don’t let her convince you to keep this marriage. There’s too much pain to heal from at this point. And now since she’s done it once, she may very well do it again in the future

You fucked up majorly by keeping that a secret from her. For one thing, that's just not fair to the person you're in a relationship with. You can't keep secrets in a healthy relationship.

That being said, what she did was pretty awful and not even a little excusable. If she went out on dates with the guy but did nothing else, not excusable even then. She made her own choices.

It sounds like neither of you will ever recover from this and divorcing is the right course of action. You don't trust each other and I'm sorry, but I don't think she actually loves you anymore if she was willing to have such a serious affair with someone else. She's probably angry with you because she doesn't want to lose the security you have together. And she probably does care about you, I just doubt it’s love any longer.

That being said, what she did was pretty awful and not even a lirtle excusable. If she went out on dates with the guy but did nothing else, not excusable even then. She made her own choices.

He wouldn’t have known that 3 years ago and it’s not exactly a great idea to tell someone to keep secrets because their S/O might do something fucked up in retaliation.

She did the exact same thing he did and told him immediately. Not making her right when she did it or what she would later do, but even still. We can argue it’s worse since they were so far(i assume) into the relationship and married, but it’s not exactly good to have kept the secret he did from her for as long as he did.

She kissed the dude first, told her husband*, then “had the affair out of revenge” after he told her that he’d done the same thing years ago. So yes. The situation was identical until she got with the side guy after her initial kiss.

If your wife can’t see the difference between drunkenly making out with some girl three years before you’re married and having a full blown affair and getting pregnant with some other guy, she’s not mature enough to be in a real relationship. Get out now. Don’t try to talk to her about it. If she’s not even accepting any responsibility for her actions talking is a waste KT time.

Don't think it's the drunkenly making out thing as much as it is that it took him 3 years to tell her after she told him asap. Imagine what was going through her mind? If he only told her that after she did it, maybe she expected a confession after sleeping with someone else too. Both are scummy tbh but one started it before the marriage and knew he was building it all on lies.

Well said! I’v known some cock heads before and that is exactly how it goes. Most users think they are just having fun and in full controll, not knowing that every fucking moves they make is run by coke. And in reality they are screwing up badly

I mean, yeah she's clearly not a great person, but at the same time I don't think doing coke makes you a coke head. I don't particularly enjoy coke, and I never buy it, but if I'm out with the boys and someone offers me a bump, what's my incentive say no every time?

Like I said, I'm not a huge fan, but it's also not that big a deal either. I generally won't do it around girls, because I agree it can make people act different, but I have found it can be a powerful networking tool. If someone offers me a line and I accept, they generally feel comfortable trusting me with a lot more than they would have otherwise. That's well worth enduring 30 minutes of a very mild upper.

If a Mormon went to a party and had a shot of alcohol, would that make them an alcoholic? I do coke maybe 3-4 times a year. It's honestly a boring, low quality drug, so I have no desire to do it other than to be polite. The act of consuming a substance does not make you addicted to it

Fam it's not like I'm a stranger to drugs. I'm not saying I'm above getting addicted to it because I have superhuman willpower, I'm just not worried about getting addicted to it because I don't like it. As I said before, it's overall a boring, expensive, and overrated drug. If I wanted to be euphoric I'd take MDMA, if I wanted an upper I'd take Adderall, and if I wanted to feel both I'd probably take LSD. All of which would cost me literally 1/10 of what coke does, and feel 20X better, with the added benefit of not being cut with god knows what.

If ingesting cocaine is considered "polite" in your social circles, you're in very bad company.

Not really sure I follow your logic here. More people do drugs in general, and coke specifically, than you think. I would argue that ingesting drugs is an inherently amoral action if you believe in bodily autonomy. It might be unwise, but I'm not sure I understand how someone putting something in their own body makes them a bad person

Fam it's not like I'm a stranger to drugs. I'm not saying I'm above getting addicted to it because I have superhuman willpower, I'm just not worried about getting addicted to it because I don't like it. As I said elsewhere in this thread, it's overall a boring, expensive, and overrated drug.

At least she immediately told you. I think it’s shitty that it took her doing something for you to finally confess three years later and if this didn’t happen would you have ever even told her? She fucked up though. Especially with fucking another guy and then blaming it on you lol. You both probably need to work on yourselves so you can be better partners whether it ends up being to each other or to other people. If she is justifying what she did and refuses to go to marriage counseling it doesn’t look like you have another option outside of divorce. Good luck though.

No you're definitely making the right decision divorcing her. To be perfectly honest OP, your marriage is nothing but a shit show and your wife sounds like complete trash ie: the drug's and cheating. Not to mention she didn't even have the notion to use protection, and look what happened. You don't work this out, you have some self respect and dignity by ending the marriage. It's time to get your own life in order. Get a lawyer and get the paperwork filed immediately. You don't have any major assets together so it should be a clean break.

You both screwed up. She took it too far though. I think you both need to sit down and have a serious talk about if this should continue or not, because a rational partner would not have gone further with an affair that would result in a potential pregnancy when you didn't even have sex when you carried on an affair (Although I'm not saying what you did was right). I think, if neither of you can acknowledge your faults and work past them to recover, you should definitely consider divorce.

Wait so you made out with some girl before you guys get married and she went on to fuck another dude and potentially could be pregnant with his kid and thought she was evening out the playing field? What?! First let talk about how that not even close to what you did to her when you kissed some girl. Of course, it was fucked up but she had sex with another guy and could be pregnant with his baby and she giving you shit for "giving up" on the situation?? This is just mind-boggling. You know what you have to do. Oh my god she is crazy.

Depending on where you live, if she wouldn't have gotten that abortion, you could have been that kid's legal father. If you would have split after that, you would have been ordered to pay child support.

Just something to think about while you're divorcing the shit out of her.

Pretty sure kissing someone and getting pregnant by someone are at opposite ends of the severity map. If this whole crazy thing ended before she slept with the guy it might be salvageable but this is just a garbage fire now.

You guys on Reddit are like saints. Way more forgiving that I would ever be. Also, why is she partying like she's single and in college? Is this a thing most married people do? I'm sure you'll get all sorts of responses here. I'll say that even if you two get over this, this will be like a 5 inch scar on your forehead. Anytime you look in the mirror, there will always be a reminder of what happened. I hope you can both live with that.

SHE was the one that continued with an affair. Get out now, marriage counseling will not change what she has been doing.

If you have mutual friends, just tell them the truth. Don't try and save her image, cause its not your responsibility. If they ask, just tell them you found out about an affair she was having and broke it off. Simple and easy to remember cause its the truth.

You relationship is pretty messed up but it's good that you haven't had kids or bought a house yet as it would make everything even more complicated. I think counseling is a good idea but don't expect that to be a magical cure. Seems both of you are not really the kind of people who should be married. Your personalities are too adversarial and immature.

If you both agree that the love between you two is worth fighting for, I recommend trying couples counseling. I think an outside perspective would be great for both of you. It’ll be great for you to work through your guilt & also be told that her affair & subsequent abortion are not your fault. And I think it’ll be great for her to work through why she continued to cheat & her anger.

If not, divorce & move on. You’ll both continue on hurting each other if you stay together without some sort of intervention & plan for the future

This will eat you alive for years if you dont divorce her right away. Trust me!
Even if you guys make up again it will allways come back to you and haunt.
She clearly doesnt give a fuck, she’s not afraid of loosing you. And if you forgive her she will think your weak and do similiar things to you over an over again.!
Iknow its not easy letting someone you love go, but it gets better, and a year from now everything will get better, and you will thank the shit out of yourself for making the right decision!

Know moving forward that you don't cheat on someone you love and respect, so you married a woman you don't love and respect and in turn she didn't love or respect you.

You need to be looking for those things for a marriage. Love and respect are paramount.

You were capable of lying to her until now about your cheating, so of course she is furious. Cheating is awful, but to be capable of hiding the truth from your spouse for years takes an equal amount of shittiness, so that was a big bomb for her.

You sure as shit should be just as furious. I hope you both realize that booze and drugs are not capable of making you do anything you are not already willing to do.

Booze and cocaine wouldn't make me for example be capable of cheating. I love my wife, I would never cheat on her, booze wouldn't change that.

But I do have a big mouth, and I don't say things I want to say often. So when drunk, you can imgaine I have been known to put my foot in my mouth.

You can't get someone to kidnap or rob a bank because they are drunk or high, if its not something they are willing to do, you couldn't be talked into kidnapping a child because you were drunk and high, because you have no interest in kidnapping children.

So you are both using that as an excuse for behavior you already were willing to take part in. Because as I said before you both married people neither of you loved or respected.

I am using love in a pretty specific sense as well. I am not saying you are in a loveless situation and never cared for each other, that would be insane.

But to be in love to the level of comittment to get married and share a life together, you would not be capable of cheating on them.

This is all assuming of course you guys don't have untreated mental health issues, some kind of addiction and all that. I don't know your history.

You are making the right decision now to end things.

Once you forgive cheating of any kind, you are giving your partner 100% permission to cheat moving forward. If something is forgibable, you can do it and be forgiven.

NEVER say "Next time we are through" Its an empty threat made by a humilated coward, and its sad. Anyone with the self respect required to follow through with that threat, would have left the first time.

When you forgive cheating it shows you have no self respect, and that you don't require your partners love and respect to keep you. Then they cry and lament that their partner doesn't treat them right, and of course they don't. You told them in no uncertain terms that they don't have to. Plus they cheated on you, so you know they don't care about you, so why in the world would that person change? There is no reason to.

Change ony comes through consequences and neither of you have faced any real consequences for your actions so there is no motivation to change.

Her cheating on you was not a consequence of your cheating, because she did it before she knew you cheated on her. She was already a cheater, she just got a free pass to do it guilt free when you finally came clean about being a shitty partner.

Your divorce will be a consequence for both of you, it will either show you where you need to change, or it won't.

You know what you did wrong, she knows what she did wrong, to continue this absolute sham of a marriage would be a ridiculous decision. Neither of you truly love the other one, you both clearly have zero respect for each other as shown by your actions towards each other. It baffles me to think in what world 2 people like that should ever be married, unless its some kind of mental torture for some weird experiment.

You have a lot of shit you should have learned from all of this, and a lot of things that you should know have no place in a marriage let alone a healthy relationship.

So you will either learn, or you won't.

I think that having all this happen is a pretty good opporutnity to start fresh and re-evaluate your life and why you both settled for so little. Make the changes you need to make so you don't repeat the same mistakes, and never under any circumstances marry a woman you are willing to cheat on or lie to for years. Its just a colossaly stupid decision made for all the wrong reasons.

Good luck dude, everyone can change, when faced with consequences and motivated by a positive goal.

No, please don't beat yourself for HER choices. YOU are not responsible for the horrible decisions she is making. She is blaming you and trying to avoid taking any responsibility for this, but none of this is your fault. What you did before you were married had no bearing on her decision to get high and fool around with some guy that she then went on to have a full blown affair with. DO NOT take that on.

Her actions and her trying to blame you both make me agree with you that this is not salvageable. I would bail. This is a hot mess, and she's not willing to even attempt to take any responsibility for her own actions and decisions, so there really is no hope for working on it.

Your wife cheated on you. Your incident doesn't even really count because you weren't married, and she didn't know about it, so it's not like she was doing it to get revenge on you to "even out" the wrongs. Divorce her.

However, what you’re describing is someone who doesn’t want to work with you. Instead of talking to you when she cheated and you came clean, she started an affair. She made things worse, and now is blaming you for it. You can’t be the only person working on the relationship. You don’t want to be.

Unless she starts therapy or taking some responsibility for the situation you have now, you have nothing to work with.

Well you kissing a girl and admitting to it years after doesn’t make it fair game for her to fuck. You shouldn’t have told her to make her feel better, you should have told her when it happened. I doubt she continued cuz of you, I think she was testing the waters when she knew she was pregnant and wondered how you would take it. Made up the kiss story and now has something against you to turn it around and blame it all on you. Her blaming it on you is a manipulation tactic as well as her saying you’re giving up. She gave up when she fucked someone else.

Instead of looking at it from the perspective of who screwed up the worst, step back and look at the marriage from a higher altitude. What are the underlying issues? Can they be fixed? (ANY issue can be fixed - it's a matter of how far each party is willing to go to fix it)

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There is a baby on the way now, that makes the situation all the more important to resolve. My parents divorced when I was 27...almost 20 years ago - it's still annoying to deal with. My wife and I almost split 6 years ago, but we worked through it - and the situation was similar to you guys...anything is possible. Consider all parties involved and the new one on the way... ;-)

If it's not working it's not working. It's telling that she took the excuse to not only cheat but have unprotected sex and potentially get pregnant outside your marriage over a kiss and then had the fucking gall to blame it on you.

Your relationship really is "just fucked up beyond all reason at this point." Neither of you have acted like mature adults at any time in how you describe your relationship . Drinking, drugs, cheating, lying, revenge, abortions as a result of cheating. The best news is that there are no children involved to suffer through this mess. Get out. Get some therapy. Do not do any of this again. Way too many painful lessons here.

OP cheated three years ago, where we don't know the context (like how new the relationship was, and if it was still casual) other than he was probably very wasted and kissed/made out with another person. I agree that they should get the divorce and that they both have issues, but getting pregnant with possibly another guy's kid is absolutely an over reaction in an adult old enough to be married to a kiss that happened years before they were probably even thinking about getting married.

Yes, he did. I'm just saying that context definitely matters in terms of what was going on, just like for her cheating. They were not thinking normally, they'll naturally make a mistake. He should have told her about it like she did, but under no circumstances does she have any right to have sex with another man without knowledge and consent from OP. Especially just to get back at him or because she feels betrayed. When you feel like that, you be an adult and talk about your problems and not focus on revenge or whatever she was thinking at the time.

Run!!! Wait until she's gone and move all your shit out. Leave divorce ppwk on the table. You are so lucky she got that abortion and you don't have a house. If she tries to contact you tell her all communication goes through your lawyer. Next, go have fun. Delete her from everything. Burns pictures of her. Hit the gym and go get some new puss because the old puss is rotten! Damn you lucked out that you don't have any joint property to speak of.

Ok cheating in a relationship is one thing but cheating during a marriage and maybe getting impregnated by it is a completely other thing. Your wife is fucked and I’d have left by the first time she cheated on you, leave that lunatic.

Dude this is not your fault, you guys both did wrong but after you both cheated she did you wrong again. I know this is the last thing you want to hear but leave her. She is a hoe and doesn’t care about you.

She is trying to use your mistake to make herself seem like a better person. She cheated before she knew you cheated. She then consciously continued to cheat. You both hurt the relationship, she did more so than you.
To me it sounds like she wanted to cheat and you gave her a reason to when you admitted to her that you had.
It's going to suck but I think both of you will be happier if you do go through with the divorce.

It was her excuse to get away from her mistake as nothing would give her right to have an affair. It is clear that this relationship has run its course so sooner you understand better it will be for you. The dynamic of the relationship has changed and there are no chances that it will get okay with time so leave her and find a new woman with whom you can see your future.

You both cheated. You cheated on her once and came clean after she came clean. If it ended there then you guys would've been able to work it out. But she kept cheating. And for her to not know who's the dad then that means she's been raw dogging as well. Not only should you get tested but you should DEFINITELY file for a divorce. Get a DNA test whenever that is possible and if it yours then you would have to work out those plans with her then. But no this isn't your fault. YOU DIDN'T MAKE HER CONTINUE CHEATING. She did that of her own accord. Why do people do this disgusting shit? Why do people try to push their own mistakes on to others? Is it easier than accepting you messed up? Sigh. Your relationship is beyond over. There's no trust. There's deep hostility between you two. She blames it on you. Pack it up.

She came clean to you right after, you waited a few years to tell her and only did because she did. You lied to her for so long and I’m assuming you never even intended on telling her.
You both fucked up pretty bad, but you BOTH did it. If I were you I’d try to call it even and if it turns out to be too much then I would break it off because the damage to both of your trusts is shattered at this point

If the man I loved cheated on me, I would not want to get revenge by sleeping with someone because the thought of anyone but them touching me would make me ill- despite them cheating. I would feel horribly betrayed, end the relationship, and then, with time, put myself out there. It would take a while to get used to life without them.

Revenge sex isn't the best way to patch up mistakes. You made a mistake in the past but her reaction is immature and far more damaging unfortunately. I don't think I could stay with her if I were in your shoes

It seems like she can't take accountability for her part in the pickle you're in. If she won't go to counseling and continues to blame you I'd say you should cut your losses before too much anger and pain is caused. From what you're saying it seems like you're taking responsibility and if she can't do that then that's an immature and nasty thing for her to blame you for everything. She's using your one slip up as an excuse for her to sleep around. On top of that you never know what a woman might do drunk and high on coke. Having a past with those two things I can say I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of to this day. You deserve better than that, man. Keep your head up.

Parts of the story arent overly clear, was an affair a single incident or multiple? Was her pregnancy confirmed not yours?

From my understanding of what ypuve written not sure your wife's the worst one here bud. She was honest about what happened the day after it occurred. You hid it for 3 years. You likely never would have told her had it not come up.

Realistically you weren't telling her what you did because she was guilty and hurting but because you thought it would make you even.

Don't get me wrong, revenge cheating definitly wasnt constructive. Fully intended just to hurt you, especially considering it was the same guy. Not exactly surprising though was it?

I doubt you will read this far down, but here's my advice. First if there was any possibility that baby was yours she would've kept it to lock you in. Second she is the Alfa in your relationships; there wouldn't be anything wrong with that if she had your best interest at heart, but she only thinks about herself. Nobody who wants to stay in a relationship pays back Kissing with intercourse. The good news is you only have one year in; find a good woman and you'll be over her in a few months. Trying to fix her will be futile; I have a feeling that she's not telling you all the times drinking and drugs have led to sex. Start protecting your assets. If you you can afford pay off your share of the lease and make a clean break. If not your marriage has an end date. Take some time to grieve the relationship before you start dating, but start looking. You don't want to be the oldest dad in the PTA. I hope in your next relationship you set boundaries and settle for nothing less than an equal partnership. In most relationships women don't require you to be the man, but you do have to be a man. And never let anyone make you feel you are not enough; find that woman that wants you to be her everything.

Someone who is comfortable with "the two wrongs make a right" mindset is either immature or is lying about her motives. Truth be told, i dont believe she only made out with that guy. Most likely she smashed him at that party and minimalized her infidelity by saying she only made out with him. She most likely was actively carrying on the affair with him and conveniently eased her own conscience by saying she was being vindictive which in itself is gross.

I cant tell you to end the relationship but I can tell you that dissolution is messier when you have a house and kids.

I’d get out. I think communication is the most important part of a relationship. Otherwise resentment can lead to a lot.. like cheating... honestly the marriage and relationship is on shaky ground anyways if both of you acted on feelings for other people. She should have communicated and not sought petty revenge and hurt several people in the process of doing so. I think normal new marriage problems are bitching about the temperature of the house, not aborting possible love children. Women will also be very understanding to how shitty this situation is, for future dating.

You're really lucky this happened early in the marriage and you don't have kids or share assets. You're still young and can find a partner who is mature enough or smart enough not to pull shit like this.

So let me get this straight... You have been completely faithful throughout the marriage and she went out and did cocaine and got pregnant, and she has somehow convinced you that it is your fault because you kissed a girl 3 years before you said vows promising to be faithful to each other?

She has a right to be upset, but there is only one person here who broke her vows... and it all started because she "made out" (aka probably slept with but didn't want to admit it) with another guy while married...

I have been divorced, when your marriage dies, you know it. If you are just frustrated, you may be able to work through this as long as it has just been mistakes that people are learning from and truly regret. But if your marriage is already dead in your heart, or if people are just angry and not truly regretful and wishing they could change, this is going to be a festering wound until you go back in, dig it all up again and start healing it properly with positive intent and a real desire to change on her part.

She fucked this up. She told you she cheated one night. You confessed you cheated one night 3 years earlier. Both were one time kisses. Both were wrong. You were for all intents and purposes even. But she ignored that she cheated more recently, and she chose to cheat again. Except it wasn't one night, it was a careless affair that got her pregnant. You need to leave.

I mean if her cheating and aborting the child doesn’t make you question weather any future children will be yours idk I guess go for trying to fix the marriage but like, me personally, I wouldn’t be willing to try to have kids with someone like that.

Run buddy, run and get on testosterone. You can get another girl. You can't regain the trust you lost from her being a cheating whore. Cheating while married is ten steps up from cheating while dating or boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have a feeling that when she initially "kissed" this dude, it was more than that. Then you told her what you had done ages ago (still not right, but still), and that justified continuing the bad behavior in your head. You made a mistake, as did she, but she took it to a whole other level, my friend. Dont let her turn this around on you.

No, it's basically 100% her fault. If she had left it at "well, we all fuck up", then you wouldn't been in this situation. She had to act like a fucking child. It's over, mate. Standard advice: make your finances bulletproof, lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym.

Okay, sure, you both screwed up. I get it. But if you think there's even the slightest chance both of you still are in love, I'd take it to a marriage counselor and have a serious talk. Cheating doesn't mean it has to be the end, but it certainly will be if you accept that this is the best it will be. You both will need to be open to communication if you desire to continue the relationship. I've heard the first year of marriage is the roughest, so unless you've already made your decision, I would try to remember why you got married in the first place.

Not even remotely true. She is an adult with own volition and can make choices and evaluate the difference between making out with someone while dating vs. cheating and breaking the confines of marriage. Her attempt to throw her poor behavior back at you is awful.

See here's the thing - she shouldn't get revenge because that's fucked up for multiple reasons. You told her about something you did YEARS ago to make her feel better about HER mistake. You seem like you had already pretty much forgiven her about the partying thing, and you tried to make her feel less guilty. And in return, your wife was bitter, angry, resentful, and wanted to get revenge by cheating on you AGAIN. She had already "made it even" with her partying earlier on, but she had to one up you by FUCKING this dude, multiple times, behind your back, for literally no reason. Not only that, she got fucking PREGNANT. This woman is NOT wife material. Yeah you fucked up, but you came clean about it, regretted it, and even forgave her for doing the same thing. She doesn't seem to regret it, not even getting pregnant, and did way more fucked up things way more often. Please, for the love of Reddit, dump this woman and find someone who won't try to use a mistake you came clean about from your past as an excuse to fuck some other dude multiple times and get pregnant

Edit: Oh come the fuck on just read the last paragraph you're joking right? She says it's your fault?
Okay OP so she's saying it's your fault that she went out, snorted coke, got drunk, made out with some dude, and fucked him several times and got pregnant. I definitely don't condone cheating and what you did is not okay, but you regret it and I hope you have the morals to not do it again. She doesn't sound like she has any morals at all. Please fucking leave her.

You should just get out now. You made a mistake by kissing another girl before getting married, and she made a mistake kissing another guy while drunk and high. You both cheated on each other (you first and her second without knowing you did so already), but then she went out of her way to sleep around with the same guy and is most likely pregnant with his child? Just get out now while you still don’t have kids or a house. If you wait it’ll just get harder for both of you.

What? Your wife chose to escalate this realllll quick. She was using your minor fuck up as an excuse to cheat. She probably had feelings for the dude after that night and continued it. It just so happened you gave her fuel by admitting to your make out sesh.

You don’t respect each other enough for a solid marriage. Leave unless you can really sit down like adults and express your underlying issues which I suggest might be beyond just cheating on each other (which is fucked up to begin with).

I once had an ex fool me she said she needed an abortion due to medical reasons and her friends played it up. Honestly mad at myself for how dumb i was for not questioning it thoroughly she ended up cheating on me so this whole time I’m thinking she prob had done so before hand and that was the reason. But her body but still she let me live with that guilt

Regardless of who cheated worse, or longer, or first. His doesn't sound like love. This doesn't sound like marriage. This doesn't sound like happiness. Don't try and make something become what it's not.

Your wife is a high maintenance, immature, selfish BITCH, no offense. But dude, you fucked around 3 years PRIOR to marriage, and that was it.. no pregnancy, no continuous hanky panky. And.. your wife had no idea.

But.. she goes out and gets stupid, like insanely stupid AND irresponsible, probably on purpose, so she could blame her actions on the drunkenness and drugs, and she fucks some douches MORE THAN ONCE, and then tells you, then tells you that oh, btw, I'm prego and, well, I don't know who's seed it is. And she did all this, PRIOR, to knowing about your fuck up?

Am I right? Or did I miss something? ..if I'm right, I'd say either she grows the fuck up, makes amends and matures and forgives, or.. get the fuck out bro! Too much bs, too much drama and why do you want to wonder what's going on now or where the fuck she is and doing what with who? Can you trust her? Sorry bro, but its equal parts, equal effort. Maturity is important, so is accountability.

Regardless if you cheated or not, her actions are her responsibility. She chose to get drunk and get high on coke. She chose to make out with that guy (not to mention...how do you really know she only made out with him at that point? Trickle truth..she told you the bare minimum). She chose to have unprotected sex with him multiple times, and chose to keep it a secret from you until she couldn't keep it a secret any longer. She chose to abort the baby, knowing there's a possibility it could be yours, and is choosing to take everything out on you, and make it all your fault.

If you're accepting responsibility for your part in all this, you need to accept that she has responsibility for her part too.

It's shitty that you cheated, but she started that whole chain of events without knowing you cheated in the first place. You need to end this relationship because she's going to use your cheating as a justification for doing every shitty thing possible for as long as she can get away with it. If her game is to see anything that you do that she doesn't like, and one-up it, that's just setting you up for a lifetime of abuse.

You're not "giving up". You're saying no to a bad deal. Would you rather end the marriage now..or like 10 years from now, when there's a house and kids involved? Chances are you'd have some money saved...some retirement savings or something. That'll all go to shit in a divorce...and she seems like the kind of woman that would take you for everything just to spite you.

Sounds like you just dodged a major bullet. You probably shouldn’t have made out with that girl back when you were dating your wife but here reaction was definitely disproportionate. Go with your guy and get divorced ASAP. It’s a good thing that you figured out you married an immature child before it was too late.

I'm guessing she wasn't all into the marriage in the first place and used your minor past indiscretion as a reason to fully sabotage the relationship in a way that she can justify in her brain that it was somehow your fault. And you want to be married to this?

This isn't your fault. She is the adult that decided to carry on a prolonged affair. If their are problems in a marriage, you talk about them and deal with them not go have unprotected sex outside the marriage.

It literally cannot get better from here. She slept with him out of spite. Just like she held resentment for you after finding out what you did. You will feel resentment towards her too. I don’t think you’ll cheat on her but what she’s capable of will certainly be in the back of your mind.

You kissed someone years ago and never did it again. She hopped on a dick for revenge and is making you feel guilty like you are to blame for her choices. That is manipulative and wrong. I hope that you can see that you deserve more from a partner.

She had sex with another man just to get back at you. That is already grounds for ending it. I mean it is not worth being married to anyone who is going to pursue revenge against you in the first place. Second of all, that is a wild escalation. For her to possibly have gotten pregnant from that, and for her to blame you for that is beyond the pail.

It is time for both of you, but especially her, to come to take responsibilities for mistakes made. Only one year in the can, no children, and a marriage full of bitterness, dishonesty, cheating, revenge, and abortion. I can tell you that she will be far more scarred from this than you will be, but deservedly so for her actions. Don't beat yourself up too much. You may have started it and that's something you need to fix in the future, but she is just plain a nasty person. Let her sleep in the bed she made for herself. Maybe she will learn to communicate her bitterness without self-destructing next time.

You may be able to work through things but your history together and with other people will always color what you think is happening or going to happen. If you decide to have kids you'll always wonder.

You have both shown the inability to trust each other and remain faithful. At this point there is no blame to pass around as you both messed up. She messed up worse by having sex with someone else but that is in the past and you can't change it. You messed up by not coming clean.

Divorce seems like a daunting and sad process, and it is. But it will end up freeing your mind in a short time. You want to do this before you have children. Make it clean and easy. You won't want to and you'll make a thousand excuses why it will work out, but it won't.

I know it’s shitty, but making out with someone years ago before you’re married isn’t that big of a deal. Should you have told her about it after it happened? Absolutely. However, I don’t think any decent person goes out and fucks someone else because of that .Sounds like she was cheating before she even knew that you kissed another chick. I don’t know her at all obviously, but she’s trying to manipulate you it seems like.

My ex did the same shit. and wouldn’t talk about it because it made her upset and she’d fall apart and cry. It was always someone else’s fault.
I had an awful gut feeling about being cheated on and lied to, but I didn’t want to believe any of it. Turns out my gut feeling was right. She tried everything she could to make it seem like it was someone else’s fault that it happened or that it was less horrific of a thing than it actually was. The best thing I can tell you is to listen to your gut my bro, that shit will never lead you wrong.

Good luck mate

I know it’s shitty, but making out with someone years ago before you’re married isn’t that big of a deal. Should you have told her about it after it happened? Absolutely. However, I don’t think any decent person goes out and fucks someone else because of that .Sounds like she was cheating before she even knew that you kissed another chick. I don’t know her at all obviously, but she’s trying to manipulate you it seems like.
My ex did the same shit. and wouldn’t talk about it because it made her upset and she’d fall apart and cry. It was always someone else’s fault.
I had an awful gut feeling about being cheated on and lied to, but I didn’t want to believe any of it and she tried everything she could to make it seem like it was someone else’s fault that it happened or that it was less horrific of a thing than it actually was. The best thing I can tell you is to listen to your gut my bro, that shit will never lead you wrong.

The first incidents ( you kissing another girl and her kissing another guy) can be call even. But then SHE took it a step far by having an affair for something that BOTH of you did (not considering the time 3 year vs a few months ago(witch to me makes hers worse?)) not knowing who the bday father is and THEN playing the victim card and shaming you (?) that to me sounds like a manipulating cunt. If you deem this relationship worth the effort wait and take thing slow, you are trying to take the right steps to fix your self and this relationship, but if she is going to hold your cheating incident and make it seem worse that what she did, I personality would leave that abusive relationship, best of luck and regardless of your decision have a great future for yourself that those who love you.

Partially your fault, yeah probably, matters how serious you were 3 years before marriage. For example, the first year my wife and I were together we were serious, but we were both hard partiers. If something happened then, I would accept it now and move on. After that would be much tougher.

In any case, you aren’t to blame for her acting petty and fucking someone else. That she likely wouldn’t have told you about unless she had gotten pregnant. You have every right to leave now.

I would normally say there is always hope for a relationship. But in this case, you two need to divorce and fast. Neither of you are emotionally mature enough to be in a marriage right now. That is not a judgement on you or her. It can take something as disastrous as this relationship to understand that, and so far, all you’ve both done is hurt each other. Sticking around for the sake of the kid, regardless of if it’s yours or not is probably the worst move you could make. Just rip this bandaid off and get it over with before the next part in this saga starts with “I’m in jail for DV right now...”

Cheaters will cheat again, mate. It’s a proven statistic which you can easily google for yourself. Do you want to get cheated on again? Then stay. If you’d like to leave this dumpster fire shit show behind you then it’s time to pack your bags. Reddit is full of people who will tell you to leave a relationship for even the most pedestrian reasons, but this isn’t that. Even if she didn’t intend to use sex as a weapon, she still said she did to hurt you and that’s pretty fucked up.

She didn't cheat on you because of your infidelity; she cheated on you because she wanted to. Other people have already said it, but she did more than just kiss the guy before she found out about what you did... she just used your infidelity as an excuse to tell you more of the truth.

Bottom line: You both did shitty things to each other and you both need to work on the underlying personal issues that caused the two of you to behave like this before you even consider being in a relationship with anybody. Yes, divorce her. After that, be single and work on yourself until you're confident that you will never again cheat.

but one night my wife told me she was pregnant and that she wasn't sure if it was mine because she had slept with another guy a couple of times in the past month. She had been having an affair with the same guy she kissed on that drunken night a few months ago.

Fuck her.

No really, fuck that shit. Don't even stay with her after this. Firstly, it's already bad enough she had revenge sex without even talking to you about her anger but getting pregnant? Da fuck? OP, leave her NOW before getting on the hook over this baby and my personal advice is completelyand utterly block her on every single social media account. Don't let this vengeful cheater try and keep you on an 18-year leach for child support.

Leave NOW.

​

EDIT: I know I'm talking harshly here, and what you did was horrible too, but man, you don't go out and get revenge sex for being cheated on and then expect to stay in the relationship. That's not how things work. The reason I push so hard for you to listen to your gut and divorce her is now your potential future is in jeopardy. She's pregnant. She can grab you by the financial balls and squeeze them for 18 years. She's already shown herself to be vengeful. Don't let this action slide, too. Save yourself and cut off all communication.

No really, fuck that shit. Don't even stay with her after this. Firstly, it's already bad enough she had revenge sex without even talking to you about her anger but getting pregnant? Da fuck? OP, leave her NOW before getting on the hook over this baby and my personal advice is completelyand utterly block her on every single social media account. Don't let this vengeful cheater try and keep you on an 18-year leach for child support.

You're 100% making the right decision. She cheats on you, finds out you did something very similar years ago, and then goes and fucks a guy multiple times and tries to tell you it's your fault? Fuck that noise.

The fact that she slept with that guy to get revenge says a lot. Even if you work through the current situation I personally would be nervous about her character going forward. That’s a malicious thing to do, as opposed to a selfish screw up, not that either are ok but one is worse in my book.

Not saying you’re a saint either OP but if it was me I would move on.

Hopefully this deters all parties involved from future cheating. I know lots of people say once a cheater always a cheater but that isn’t the case for everyone and hopefully not for those involved here.

I could understand wanting to outsource this question but a lot of people here are not professionals equipped to handle this sort of life advice without putting aside their own biases. I would consult with all kinds of professionals before moving forward; therapists, financial advisors, etc.

I could understand wanting to outsource this question but a lot of people here are not professionals equipped to handle this sort of life advise without putting aside their own biases. I would consult with all kinds of professionals before moving forward, therapists, financial advisors, etc.

I usually feel very very bitter and cynical about people cheating on others because my dad had so many women in his life while being married to my mom. It is not cool, ever. However, I feel sorry for you and I hope you run. Run fast and don't look back.

Two wrongs don't make it right, and the trust is broken. I don't believe in a second chance. I know a lot of people do, that's great for them, but I personally don't. You made a mistake, you own it, that's how I see it. What you did years ago wasn't right, but your wife shouldn't justify her affairs just because she felt bitter or angry at you.

i think she cheated that same night but came clean to a lesser crime and then felt like you coming clean was a get out of jail card so she kept cheating. Maybe it was your fault but she did not handle this appropriately. I would absolutely leave.

It sounds like everyone here is totally for the divorce. I'm not against the idea but If you truly love her and she does you if theres any thread of hope try to work your marriage out. My parents are still married after 35 years of marriage where my mother cheated on my father 4 different occasions for them they are still madly in love and continue to do so. It's really up to you if you think shes worth the fight.

About a kiss that happened three years before you got married? What about her FUCKING SOME DUDE AND GETTING PREGNANT BY HIM POSSIBLY WHILE MARRIED TO YOU!!!! Fuck. I mean how did she stay in contact with him after the make out incident? Ever think that maybe they already were still talking after she told you and that she was distant not out of anger, but out of cheating and is using your story as an excuse? I'd bail so fucking fast.

You kissed a girl when yall were dating, so her response is too fuck another man WHILE YOURE MARRIED until she becomes PREGNANT with HIS child????? She is not fucking worth it man. You definitely fucked up by doing what you did, but she is a fucking whore. You even tried to take her to marriage counseling and she rejected it???? Shes the problem. Find someone worth being with, let her go live a shitty life with the man that impregnated her while she was married to someone else.

Big difference between making out with a chick 3 years before you married your current, and her sleeping with a dude multiple times and letting him impregnate her. Run for your life dude. Lawyer up first though and don't tell her though. She might try to take your shit (car, property etc)

You're a piece of shit OP. People are very generous with you in this comment section so let me make this clear: As hugely as she fucked up you carried something like that with you for 3 years without apparently breaking under the guilt, feeling compelled to tell her or whatever. You simply didn't give a shit. Cause you're a garbage piece of shit.

That said, so is your wife. Do yourself a favor and LEARN. LEARN from this, try to understand what happened and moved on. This relationship is unsalvagable.

I wouldn’t say it’s your fault. She chose to have the affair, she chose to do wrong and justified it with something that happened a long time ago. Sure you messed up and didn’t talk about it with her, but that doesn’t justify her actions to spite you. It’s stupid and I really think that that kind of relationship won’t work.

This is also yet another example of why, sometimes, the past should remain the past. I have a friend who did something similar, once, early in a 14 year relationship. He knew he was wrong, and never did it again. Over the years, guilt got the better of him and he confessed one night. Now he is a single father with 5 kids. Split family. Ruined lives over something that should have remained in the past.

I am sure the righteous anger of the mongrel hoard will unleash holy hell on me. But you tell me, was it truly worth it? Does your conscience feel any better? Are you happy with the result because you could not control your emotions?

You both are horribel people, so in that way you deserve each other. But in short terms you guys have ruined this beyond repair. Cheating?Cocaine?Pregnancy? Leave it all, learn from the mistakes and forget about all of it. If you can’t, seek guidance, you might struggle to get over this. You are doing the right thing by running for the hills.

Sorry you are going through this as I am sure it SUPER sucks. First she doesnt get to blame you for making out with a girl before you got married as an excuse to go have an affair. That is NOT APPLES TO APPLES. Second, why in the hell did you tell her about making out with someone from 3 years ago? How was that going to help your current thing? If there is anything else DONT bring it up. Last, people will do what they are going to do and trying to control them isnt something we can do. I think you made the right choice by asking for divorce as you are not willing to be ok with an affair and if she wont go to therapy then you are left with the next right thing to do...Divorce..._James

I might get some hate for this but I can KINDA see where you wife is coming from. She told you immediately when she made out with someone and felt extreme guilt afterwards. Then she learns you did the same thing.. 3 years ago.. before marriage.. you never told her until she did the same thing. She was probably angry because you were never going to come clean. You got married knowing you had been unfaithful and never gave her the chance to decide if you were someone she actually wanted to be with. She probably felt very betrayed and acted very irrationally by having a full blown affair but you had some much time to come to terms with your infidelity. She just learned about it after you hid it for years. Sorry for the rambling but I just see a lot of comments ripping this girl to shreds. There is a lot to think about and I feel sorry for the both of you.

I agree with this. Yes obviously her continuing on the affair was completely wrong but OP also treated her really badly: giving her the cold shoulder for a MONTH after the incident when he had done the same thing but never came clean!

Literally no point in trying to reason with these people. "OP lied a bout a kiss, of course she was going to get pregnant by another guy she was upset!" The mental gymnastics they do to defend the actions of other women on this sub is insane.

Op revealed the last 3 years of their relationship had been a lie, then punished her for a month by giving her the cold shoulder for doing the exact same thing he did which he could not even give the respect to admit to her any time within the past 3 years. Do you really not see the severity in cheating on someone and then continuing the relationship under false pretenses by not telling them, for over 3 years? If you're looking at the acts itself,sure she "cheated worse" by having sex instead of just kissing like he did. But if you take a step back and remove your misogyny goggles, you'll see the big picture.

Lmfao the "misogyny goggles" are me saying her having sex with another man while she was married and getting pregnant is worse than OP kissing a woman before they were married and not telling her? This is irrational even by r/relationship standards, I'm honestly impressed.

Yes thank you!!!!
So many people just say she is the bitch but this is such a big betrayal.
Don’t get me wrong she took it to far, but OP hid something from her for so long. That’s a huge breach in trust.

You punished her for a MONTH before coming clean.
That was a month too late.
I think this sub focuses on physical cheating a lot, and it is painful, but you did something truly awful- you were s#itty and unfair.
Maybe I'm just having an off day, but she's had a simple mistake (allowing for the assumption that coke is an open secret in your relationship seeing as you're not mad for that) and you turned 1/12th of your marriage into a guilt trip.
Yup, she's mad, you guys need counseling, but you messed up.

Did you just read the first statement and move on? Or did you miss the fact that she carried on with the affair, and was unsure about whether she was impregnated by her husband, or her lover? It's so far from over, there isn't anything left fighting over.

OP, collect your shit, and relocate far from your wife. Since you are both young, and have no children together, you can easily move on from each other and in time, find other people without the baggage.

"I can't come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't talk with me about it before and she chose to have an affair instead."

WHAT?! You mean... Exactly what you did? You seem to think that before or after marriage changes infidelity in a relationship. She confessed and you were cowardly. You let her marry a lying cheat. She's angry about it. But hey, you two deceitful cheaters seem to deserve each other.

Simple, if you love her and want to be with her then stay, put in the effort, and make it work. Everyone on this sub is so quick to say divorce. If you love the person and want to be with them then make it happen.

It doesn’t sound like she cares to try fixing things though. He can’t make the relationship work if she won’t try as well. If she agrees to marriage counseling and actively shows she cares and wants to repair their relationship then I agree they could try to make it work.