This article perfectly articulates the vulnerability that entering therapy can offer, but also the resiliency of the human spirit and the hope of change and transformation that can occur. I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of therapy as an investment in yourself. It involves some work and effort on your part. Unpacking some painful experiences in your life, can be unsettling and healing at the same time. It can be an amazing springboard for the life you now want to create. The fact that I get to support people in doing so is nothing short of amazing!

My clients tend to think I’ll be surprised when they cancel a session.

The truth is, I’m surprised when they show up.

In fact, it amazes me whenever anyone chooses to go to therapy. Think about it. When you go to therapy, you’re choosing to be vulnerable. You’re choosing to move toward your pain rather than away from it. You’re choosing to sit in the midst of your uncertainty for a time, rather than spending all your energy shoring up your certitude about everything and everyone.

Have you ever heard one of those near-death stories where someone recounts an out-of-body experience? I just love them, especially when they include details I didn’t expect. For instance, I’ve heard several previously nearly dead women say that when they were ostensibly peering down at their bodies from a distance, those bodies looked unexpectedly pretty. The physical form they’d seen as less than lovely when it was “me” proved quite appealing when they saw it as “that lady down there on the floor.”

Why is it that most of us, like these women, obsess about our own appearance? Even my most gorgeous friends feel depressingly imperfect, while the rest of us sit around contemplating either a makeover or suicide, depending on how far we stray from our physical ideal.

These self-judgments can’t be mere aesthetics, or we’d evaluate ourselves and others on the same objective criteria. More likely, it’s a social impulse, born of every person’s longing for acceptance and fear of rejection. Something in the human psyche confuses beauty with the right to be loved. The briefest glance at human folly reveals that good looks and worthiness operate independently. Yet countless socializing forces, from Aunt Clara to the latest perfume ad, reinforce beliefs like “If I were pretty enough, I would be loved.” Or the converse: “If I feel unlovable, I must not be pretty enough.”

Such thoughts are seductive because they relieve us of the responsibility of developing self-worth (turning it over to some longed-for or long-suffering lover). Inevitably, though, that someone—parent, friend, partner—doesn’t love us enough, or we somehow fail to sense their love. We feel rejected, abandoned, alone. It’s unbearable. Realizing that we’ve surrendered our self-esteem to others and choosing to be accountable for our own self-worth would mean absorbing the terrifying fact that we’re always vulnerable to pain and loss. As long as we think the problem is our bodies’ failure to meet a certain physical standard, we have something concrete that we (or our local plastic surgeon, who does a fabulous tummy tuck) can work on.

And so we dive headfirst into the endless project of improving our physical selves. No cosmetic strategy ever fulfills our hopes, since what we hope for—the knowledge that we’re acceptable—is almost completely unrelated to physical appearance. We begin to think thoughts like If only someone loved me, I could accept myself. It’s a Catch-22: Before we can feel loved, we must feel beautiful, but before we can feel beautiful, we must feel loved. You can swim down that spiral for decades, maybe all the way to your grave (from which you can brood about your sudden realization that your looks were actually okay all along). There’s another way to go, and I suggest you use it.

You may have noticed that all the “defects” I’ve been discussing are located not in the body but in the mind. It’s the mind that mixes up beauty and acceptability, that misperceives the cause of emotional pain, and that sends us down the class IV rapids of self-loathing. Your mind creates a lot of your supposed appearance problems, and it can resolve them, almost instantaneously, if you’ll let it.

Hey Lovelies! Just a quick note that I am moving from my office at Metro Center to a new therapy office in Dupont Circle at 2029 P St. NW, #202, Washington, DC 20036 starting July 1st! I’m uber excited about the move, and hope you will come see me there this Summer! Its super cozy with lots of natural light.

In the spirit of new beginnings and change, I’ve also got some brand new, exciting offerings, including a women’s group on being single, dating and finding the path to true love as well as some upcoming workshops. Subscribe to my email list for all of the latest news and therapy related offerings in the area! Hope to see you soon!

Many of the clients I see have never seen a therapist before, or saw a therapist once briefly and did not have a positive experience. First-time therapy clients are often a little nervous, not quite sure what to say or rehearse what they think they should say. You are not alone. It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling.

Mental Health Matters

Since doing this work, I have found that people seek therapy for many reasons, including:

Seeking another point of view from someone who could be objective and unbiased, as opposed to family or a friend

Feeling overwhelmed by life

Needing clarity on past, unresolved issues

Always being the person people come to for help, but not getting the same help in return

Seeking Therapy Is Self-Care

During our first therapy session, I reassure clients that there is no need to be nervous, and this is their time to be seen, heard and understood. I am there not to judge. I am there to be a supportive guide to help bring clarity, insight and understanding. Therapy can really be a great tool for healing and transformation!

If you have been contemplating seeking therapy, and would like to learn more about me, email me at jihan@thefulfillmentproject.com to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to see if I can help.

Welcome! So, I love connecting and collaborating with awesome clinicians and healing professionals in the local area, and I will periodically showcase the amazing work they do. Here’s my interview with Kim Ottinger, a Psychotherapist and Art Therapist in private practice, Your Soul Therapy in Washington, DC. She has a unique specialty in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, a type of psychotherapy that integrates how our body is impacted somatically by past experiences and how those experiences and habits are stored in our bodies. Read on to learn more about Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and how it may benefit you.