"It's work having a vagina. Guys don't think that it's work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me." —Amy Schumer​​

"As I get older, I just prefer to knit."―Tracey Ullman

"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ―Mae West

"You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it."—Tina Fey

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation."―Lily Tomlin

"If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you."―Dorothy Parker

"Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping." —Lisa Lampanelli

"In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind."—Nora Ephron

"I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?" —Laura Kightlinger

"I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people." —Chelsea Handler

"The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she's shopping." —Joan Rivers