I've come to realize that I live a pretty shitty life. I live in a town where the place to go on the weekend is the bar. I don't drink. I"m finding my life to be one let down after another.
Someone dies, a child is born, two people get married while two others fall in love. A kid get hit by a car and walks away, your friend falls down drunk and scrapes his knee, a house burns down, another is built. The sun shines and the moon glows. The world turns on and time goes by but, I'm still in the same place, with the same problems, living the same life.
I like to think I'm a nice guy, caring, full of love. I like to think I'm at least somewhat attractive. I may not be the best with words but, I'll tell a girl how I feel about her, how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, and makes me feel. I generally try to think of others before myself. I try to make people happy, just to end up sitting alone in my room on a friday night. I'd give it all up for true love to come my way. All the stupid toys, all the movies, video games, television, computer, cameras, everything!
I see assholes every day who are married and fucking other girls, flirting with other girls, hitting on other girls. Yet she stands by his side even when she knows, even when it's right in front of her. I would never do that, I COULD NEVER do that. I don't do one night stands, I don't use some stupid pick up line on every girl I see. I don't promise things I can't give and I don't lie about myself or my actions, and still I sit alone, in my room, on a friday night.
I'm not scared of much. You could point a gun at my face and I wouldn't have much fear, I not afraid of car accidents, I'm not afraid to die. Hell some days I even think it wouldn't be so bad but, I could never do that to myself and my family. It's just not me, but, the one thing is... I'm deathly afraid of my own life. Of living alone, never finding real happiness, never finding that special someone.
Maybe I'm just destined to live a life wanting love so badly and never getting it. Sometimes I wish I had no emotions, no care, no heart, but, I do, and it's constantly bringing me down.
I guess I'll wrap it up by asking the questions: Why me? Why do I have to live like this? Why do I have to feel this pain?
I guess those are answers I'll never know.
If you actually took the time to read all of this I appreciate it and extend some of my love to you.
-the8bitkid