I know why

I know why I fence, why I coach, and why I feel so empty when I’m alone. It’s all because I feel like I know nothing when I don’t have someone to share my experiences with. I can’t validate that I know how to fence unless I compete. I can’t validate that I know how to coach unless I teach others to fence. I can’t validate that I’ve lived for 25 years unless I can tell someone else about the things I’ve done and been exposed to in that time. Everything in my brain is worthless unless I can share it.

That’s why the blog is a decent stand in. I can at least pretend that what I say here is read by someone else even if it isn’t true. Or I can tell myself that I’ll give it to someone years from now who will read it and find value in it.

To me it is important that someone, anyone finds value in my life. And the more valuable that person is to me, the more meaning it carries.