Personal Poetry, Journals, and Cookies

4/17/12 Forgiveness: Creating Internal Peace

Photo Courtesy of bing images

Forgiveness: Creating Internal Peace

For the past week, I have been focussing on my spirituality. I have been reading and researching ways to “let go and let God” through meditation and lots of prayer. Of all things learned, the one thing that consistently stands out is “forgiveness”, and that is something I definitely need to work on.

The obvious thorn in my side and pain in my _ _ _ is my son’s father and the child support issues – all of which is posted time and time again in my journals. Don’t get me wrong, there are others that I need to forgive in my heart, but my son’s father is “the big one”. If I can free my heart of all the pint-up anger that is dwelling inside of me, I can create internal peace within.

What I have learned thus far is that the anger that I am holding on to is zapping my positive energy. Every burst of anger that I allow myself to feel toward my son’s father destroys bits and pieces of my internal peace, and the only way to maintain my serenity is to let go of the anger. Sounds simple enough, but have you read my previous posts? Really?

It’s almost always automatic for a parent to feel protective over their child/children. So when any harm (physical or emotional) is geared toward them, emotions take over. I pray that I can rise above all the negative emotions. The bottom line is that I have gained so much because I have been able to see my amazing baby boy grow into a fantastic young man, and his father has missed out on all of that and that makes me feel sorry for him (my son’s father).

Now that my son is older and more mature, he can stand up for himself and express himself when he needs to. I no longer feel like I have to stand guard over him (like I have for the past 12 years).

Peace has become an important goal for me (internal and external), and this is a new journey for me. It’s been said, “Go big or go home.” Forgiving my son’s father will be ultra-mega in the forgiveness department, but I don’t want to simply say, “I forgive” I want to truly mean it and feel it in my heart. Honestly, I can’t wait to see how this turns out.