I spend a lot of time blowing smoke up the asses of my fellow Capricorns. However, over the past month I’ve discovered that half of the people in Donald Trump’s White House share my zodiac sign. I couldn’t imagine a bigger blow to my ego. Thankfully, my ego is colossal and can take a blow or two.

Anyway, I knew that today was Kellyanne Conway’s birthday; I looked up her chart last year and I couldn’t find anything. Now that she’s more famous, astrotheme.com not only has a natal chart for Conway, but it also has a birth time listed. If it’s correct, Kellyanne Conway is indeed a Capricorn!

Ugh. She does have Saturn in Pisces in her first house and Neptune elevated in her chart. That could explain her “alternative facts” way of thinking. The real hallmark of her chart, however, is an almost exact opposition of her 29° 49″ Capricorn sun to Jupiter in Cancer at 29° 24″. With only a 25″ orb, the aspect immediately grabbed my attention. But what’s really fascinating is that the sun sits in the twelfth house and Jupiter sits in the fifth. The house cusp is at 29° 29″ Cancer/Capricorn.

So what does this all mean? It means that if this birth time is accurate, Kellyanne Conway has the chart of a fucking liar. A self-deluded, self-aggrandizing fucking liar.