Sunday Afternoon WTFkery

Presented in regal-looking purple and gold, each pack bears a picture of the couple gazing into each other’s eyes, saying it contains a “triumvirate of regal prophylactics”, which are “lavishly lubed” and “regally ribbed”.

“England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world, with a tradition of coitus going back generations,” lovers are told.

“Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.”

It also includes a drawing of the couple “as they might appear on their wedding day”, produced by an “acclaimed international artist”, who is not named. The facial resemblance is not overwhelming but the pose and outfits seem styled on the official engagement photographs.