They say a tie is like kissing your sister. Well, Sunday night’s Seattle-Arizona tie was like being forced to watch your sister do a furry animal adult film; it evoked that same level of nausea and discomfort.

The Seahawks and Cardinals 6-6 defensive battle (LOLZ) was the lowest-scoring tie in at least the past 40 years, beating(?) the 7-7 gem produced by the Redskins and Giants in 1997. (That game, of course, is rememebered for Redskins QB Gus Frerotte injuring himself after headbutting the stadium wall to celebrate his team’s lone touchdown).

There was no tie head to head this week between our two “experts,” however, as Mike (The Greek) Raptis checked in at 7-7-1 (59-47-1), while J.J. (The Geek) Adams was 9-5-1 (64-42-1 overall).

THE GEEK’S GAME OF THE WEEK

Detroit (+3) at Houston

He used to be called Stat Padford.

Now they’re calling Matt Stafford something else — an MVP candidate.

Sure, the Detroit Lions are a mediocre 4-3, losing inexplicably to the Tennessee Titans and Chicago Bears, but that can’t be laid at the feet of their quarterback, who was derided as a player who put up big numbers against lousy teams and chokcd when it didn’t matter.

But Stafford is having one of the best seasons of his career, completing a personal-best 68.9 per cent of his passes for 15 touchdowns to four interceptions, and his passer rating (105.7) second only to Matt Ryan among quarterbacks with at least 100 pass attempts this year. And those four wins? Stafford led game-winning drives in all of them. In fact, check this out:

MVP candidate?@Lions QB Matthew Stafford has led a GW-drive in every Detroit win this season, and has the most GW-drives in NFL since 2011 pic.twitter.com/LuoFNbhHPL

“He’s a heck of a quarterback. You don’t just luckily throw for 5,000 yards multiple years. It’s not luck. I’m glad he’s getting respect.”

Ironically, his opposite number Sunday was highly hyped, signed a big contract and has fans calling for his head not even halfway through his first season with the team. Heck, there’s even a Gofundme campaign to buy out his contract. (A whopping $205 has been raised so far)

But let’s be real: this isn’t a 6-1 team masquerading as a sub-500 sleeper.

Philip Rivers deserves MVP consideration for keeping his team afloat behind a weak offensive line and a litany of injuries on both sides of the ball.

And Rookie Joey Bosa, who’s only played three games, is also another good story with 20 pressures already.

But in what is quickly becoming the best division in football, the Chargers still don’t have a real chance at the playoffs, let alone the division.

The Raiders are too dynamic to free fall from their 5-2 perch and the Chiefs, at 4-2, are too well-rounded to slip below the playoff bar.

Which leaves us with the 5-2 Broncos, who got their season back on track Monday night with a convincing 27-9 win over the Texans.

Their low point so far? That Week 6 Thursday night loss to — you guessed it — the Chargers, who are now without defensive end Caraun Reid (torn ACL — the 5th Charger to tear his ACL this year) and productive rookie tight end Hunter Henry, who just entered the NFL’s concussion protocol.

The Broncos are back in sync and the Chargers continue to be wonderfully out of sorts, even by their standards.

Pick: Broncos

The Geek says: The Chargers shocked the Broncos, 3.5-point favourites, two weeks ago in San Diego, with Denver’s Trevor Siemian throwing the ball 50 times in a 21-13 loss. Is their more magic in the tank?

A couple things: Denver did themselves no favours in that game, racking up 103 penalty yards, and head coach Gary Kubiak missed the game for health reasons.

Throw in the fact that it was the Bolts’ first win against divisional opponents in 10 games, and ….

Pick: Broncos

THURSDAY’S GAME

Jacksonville (+3) at Tennessee

The Geek says: Thanks for this engrossing and exciting Thursday Night Football matchup, NFL schedulers! Anyone up for some Seinfeld re-runs instead?

Pick: Titans

The Greek says: While Jags QB Blake Bortles is focussed on his teams’ “ugly as hell” colour rush uniforms, his QB counterpart Marcus Mariota is quietly scheming on picking apart the mustard brigade.

Mariota made history against the Jags in their last meeting on Dec. 6, 2015, being the only player in NFL history to throw for 250 yards, three TD’s and rush for 100 yards.

Pick: Titans

SUNDAY’S GAMES

Philadelphia (+4) at Dallas

The Geek says: This game is the game of the week, by far. The intra-divisional rivalry, the two rookie stars who’ve taken the league by storm — who, by the way, have a combined win percentage over .750 , the first time in league history two first-year players with those numbers have met — and first place in the NFC East on the line.

Enjoy it while it lasts, because Tony Romo is set to return and spoil it all for Dallas.

Pick: Cowboys

The Greek says: With every throw that Tony Romo makes in practice, the leash gets shorter for Dak Prescott.

The Cowboys’ rookie bests his Eagles counterpart in what could be his last start of the season — until Romo gets hurt again.

Pick: Cowboys

Oakland (+1.5) at Tampa Bay

The Geek says: The Raiders were once the worst road team in the NFL. This season, they’re the only 4-0 road team left. Bucs are winless at home, too.

Pick: Raiders

The Greek says: The Raiders are the NFL’s best road team. I’d call this one a shootout, but I don’t want to give Raider Nation any ideas.

Pick: Raiders

New England (-6) at Buffalo

The Geek says: The Bills have won once at home against the Pats (34-31, 2011) since 2004, a gaudy 1-10 mark.

While they did win in New England earlier this month, there’s some addition and subtraction you need to do when including that result in this week’s formula: subtract LeSean McCoy (doubtful w/hamstring) and add Tom Brady. That equals …

Pick: Patriots

The Greek says: This AFC East match-up lost some steam after sexy Rexy’s crew went into Miami last week and lost to the ‘Phins.

Oh well, it’s not like the Bills could legitimately contend for the division.

Pick: Patriots

Washington (+3) vs. Cincinnati
(at London)

The Geek says: The fans at Wembley actually get a meaningful game for once, with the door suddenly opening in the AFC North for the Bengals.

A Big Ben-less Steelers team, a bumbling (and weak) Ravens team, and, well, the Browns, means the Bengals could stumble right to the top of the division.

In their way are the mystifying Redskins, who reeled off four straight wins before losing last week to the Lions. The key in this is the health of Josh Norman, who’s in concussion protocol. Without him, A.J. Green runs wild.

Pick: Bengals

The Greek says: The Redskins lost a tough one late against the Lions and now have some issues in the secondary with Josh Norman suffering a concussion to further add to their woes against the pass.

The Bengals, meanwhile, still need to make up ground and A.J. Green is about to have a field day in London.

Pick: Bengals

New York Jets (-3) at Cleveland

The Geek says: Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to have a great game against the Browns, regain his starting job, then suck again — just like the Browns always seem to do.

Pick: Jets

The Greek says: IfGang Green is getting gangrene, then I don’t want to know what affliction the winless Browns have.

The Jets’ four-game slide is over while the Browns found a new way to lose against the Bengals, giving up a startling 271 yards on the ground.

Looks like a recipe for ground and pound in the Dawg Pound.

Pick: Jets

Seattle (-2.5) atNew Orleans

The Geek says: Watching the Seahawks offence — if it can be called that — against the Cardinals, one was struck by just how disjointed and out of sync it was. A measly 257 yards in total offence, 225 of those coming on 37 pass attempts by Russell Wilson.

What’s going on? Is it because Wilson has been busy — as in, getting busy with Ciara — or is it something else. While some can claim that sex robs an athlete of their edge, the simpler explanation is this: Wilson’s banged up.

Knee and ankle problems have hampered him, and now he has a right pectoral injury. Through seven games last season, Wilson had run 52 times for 243 yards. This year, he’s run 22 times … for 23 yards.

Seattle’s defence is capable of winning games on its own, but if they want to make a post-season run, Wilson needs to give his body some rest. (You hear me, Ciara??)

Pick: Your upset of the week — the Saints

The Greek says: Jimmy Graham makes his long-awaited return to New Orleans but Russell Wilson has barely practiced because of another injury — this time to one of his pectorals.

Drew Brees, who is averaging 350 yards passing per game, is wary of the Seahawks’ defence, but should still be able to move the ball well enough for some scores. I’m not so sure the ‘Hawks can keep up.

Pick: Saints (upset special)

Green Bay (+3) at Atlanta

The Geek says: The Packers should have obliterated the Bears last week — a team with a third-string quarterback helming one of the league’s worst offences — and although they managed a double-digit win, it was hardly intimidating.

Aaron Rodgers has had the worst six games to start a season in his career, with lows in passer rating, completion percentage and yards per pass. Such QB illuminaries like Case Keenum, Blake Bortles and Brock Osweiler have more passing yards than the Packers pivot this year.

Now they face the Falcons, a team with the highest-scoring offence in the league, including the No. 2 passing attack. Speaking of Atlanta’s aerial game, the last time Julio Jones faced the Packers, he had 259 yards receiving. If he gets anywhere near that Sunday, he could crack 1,000 yards receiving mark in the first six games, something that hasn’t been done since 1961.

Pick: Falcons

The Greek says: It’s about time for Aaron Rodgers to have one of those signature games he’s good for at least once a season. The Falcons have the kind of defence he can exploit.

Pick: Packers

Kansas City (-2.5) at Indianapolis

The Geek says: This one scares me. In 15 games against the Colts since 1990, the Chiefs are 2-13, including three straight losses. One of those, of course, was the 2013-14 wild-card game in which K.C. had a 28-point third-quarter lead, and lost 45-44, thanks to a flying Andrew Luck.

But the Chefs are cooking right now; they’ve won 15 of their last 18 games. They can beat you with defence or offence. There’s no reason not to pick them. Right? RIGHT?

Pick: Colts

The Greek says: The Chiefs’ Jamaal Charles is still in recovery mode, but their other RB, Spencer Ware is averaging 5.2 yards per carry in his stead. Their defence also leads the league with 10 interceptions and are 2nd in the NFL with fourteen takeaways.

The Colts, with the holes they have on defence, are a win-one lose-one type of team — and it’s time for another loss.

Pick: Chiefs

Arizona (+3) at Carolina

The Geek says: These two teams met in the NFC championship last year.

Well, the Cardinals and Panthers did. Who these two imposters are, no one really knows.

The Panthers are an embarrassing 1-5. The Cardinals are coming off an embarrassing 6-6 tie and aren’t much better at 3-3-1.

While Carolina is staunch against the run, they’re getting shredded through the air, which is good news for Carson Palmer. The Cards QB has been terrible on the deep ball, with just one TD and four picks on passes over 15 yards, but the Panthers have given up more deep touchdowns already this season (8) than all of last season (7).

As well, the Panthers were 0-5 coming off bye week under Ron Rivera until last year, when they beat the Seahawks in week 6. So is Carolina is desperate enough to pull off the win, or have they mentally written off this season?

Hello, 1-6.

Pick: Cardinals

The Greek says: My, how far these teams have fallen since last year’s NFC Championship game.

While Cards coach Bruce Arians is complaining about a short week and an early start time in Carolina, the Panthers have had a bye week to prepare for this game.

Pick: Panthers

MONDAY’S GAME

Minnesota (-6) at Chicago

The Geek says: It’s time to panic in Minnesota — they Vikings lost a game. Fire the coach! Fire the GM! Can we get that Bridgewater guy back out there in a full leg cast, or something? He’s waaaay better than that Bradford dude.

Wait, what? They’re 5-1 and still in first in the NFC North? Well, OK then.

Pick: Vikings

The Greek says: Why does the NFL feature the Bears in so many prime-time slots? If it was up to me, this band of misfits would be blacked out in perpetuity.

Comments

We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse. We are using Facebook commenting. Visit our FAQ page for more information.

Almost Done!

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Postmedia to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.

Postmedia wants to improve your reading experience as well as share the best deals and promotions from our advertisers with you. The information below will be used to optimize the content and make ads across the network more relevant to you. You can always change the information you share with us by editing your profile.

By clicking "Create Account", I hearby grant permission to Postmedia to use my account information to create my account.

I also accept and agree to be bound by Postmedia's Terms and Conditions with respect to my use of the Site and I have read and understand Postmedia's Privacy Statement. I consent to the collection, use, maintenance, and disclosure of my information in accordance with the Postmedia's Privacy Policy.