Meet Colin Cowherd: The Glenn Beck Of The Sports World

Sports commentators—and by commentators we mean studio suits and radio show hosts, not the color/play-by-play guys—are generally an insufferable bunch. Most exist purely to make over the top predictions, hoping we ignore the incorrect ones while they endlessly gloat about their once-in-a-blue-moon correct calls.

The only problem with calling out these guys on their insane ramblings is you’re giving them exactly what they want—the spotlight. So let’s give Colin Cowherd his shine and look at what he’s said about John Wall of the Washington Wizards over the past week, and why Wall should be given an award for ignoring Cowherd (and to be honest, he should also be given an award if he decides to Hacksaw Jim Duggan him upside the head with a 2×4).

Firstly, after Washington’s first home game, where Wall did the Dougie for about half a minute while he was introduced to his home fans for the first time, Cowherd had this to say. Apparently, Wall will never win a NBA title because he… danced?

I’m gonna call out John Wall….Before the game started, he spent 34 seconds doing the Dougie. That tells me all I need to know about J-Wow. In that line last night, that 29-point line, when he was out of control, he had 8 turnovers. By the way, Rajon Rondo had 17 assists last night, 0 turnovers. Rajon’s got rings, Wall will never have one.

What he did last night, (Rajon) Rondo never would, Isiah (Thomas) never would, J.Kidd (Jason Kidd) never would, (John) Stockton never would, (Steve) Nash never would, Magic (Johnson) never would. Point guard is like the quarterback. It’s an IQ-judgment position. The great ones are not about themselves. They’re about the others. Leadership is IQ, it’s not skills.

J-Wow’s 37-second “Yo dawg look at me I’m the man [dance]“, and his wild, out-of-control style, everybody else is buying his stock, and it told me all I need to know. He’s gonna end up on the (Allen) Iverson, (Steve) Francis, Starbury (Stephon Marbury) [side]: great stats, nine All-Star teams, never play with good smart players and an elite head coach. He’s gonna drive people nuts.

(This is classic sports columnist/commentator behavior. The majority of NBA players won’t win a NBA championship, so if Cowherd remembers making this statement—and is still in the public eye—at the end of Wall’s career he can hit us with a “I told you so”.)

But he was just getting started. Next he brings up Wall’s dead father and throws Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls (above) into the mix for good measure. Apparently, Rose isn’t a good…husband?

One of the things I’ve always knocked against Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls, Derrick Rose has a passive-aggressive personality. He’s not confrontational. What does that mean? That’s not a good husband, and it’s not a good point guard, and it’s not a good CEO. They have brain types. And people who test for brain types knew that Peyton Manning would be much more successful than Ryan Leaf, because of Peyton Manning’s family background and his confrontational style.

It’s one thing to dislike a player. Plenty of journalists, especially those from the older generation, just don’t get rookies. From Michael Jordan to Shaquille O’Neal to Allen Iverson, they all received the “get off my lawn you punk kids” treatment from the media in their first few seasons.

But to say a guy who has played less than a dozen professional games will never amount to anything because he danced before his first home game and his (deceased) father wasn’t around…that doesn’t just cross the line of acceptable behavior in the media, it obliterates it. Even though calling out guys like Cowherd is what they want, there comes a point when these talking heads have to be held accountable.

(FUN FACT: It wasn’t even Wall’s idea to do the pre-game dance. Wizards assistant coach Sam Cassellasked him to. That’s right, the same Sam Cassell who has three NBA championship rings as a point guard.)

Let’s leave on this somewhat light-hearted note. Remember how in Cowherd’s first quote he said Magic Johnson would never do the Dougie? He’s right. Check out Magic’s dance of choice.

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