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We spend the weekend at DD's apartment about 2 hours from home. Had a great time as she has a pool right outside her door and of course, I love leaving town! Very low key, enjoyable, watched movies, went out for sushi, pool for couple hours and then home. We seemed very connected and loving and we watched 12:00 High when we got home, laying on the couch, and just unwound.

But we both had awful nights. I woke up at 2 crazy angry and slept in the other bed. He had awful dreams of me sneaking out at night to see a guy. We both lost about 3 hours of sleep. I woke up with an awful migraine and he had to go for a run to let off some steam.

Both of us wondering why we had such a good weekend and then this happens. And it makes me wonder, at over 4 years out, he still has these dreams and I feel so sad for him. Infidelity really does wreak havoc on the BS's life.

Unanswered questions? Still trust, anger and abandonment issues? We did find out DS may have contracted an STD, other DS starts right out of college job today.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Never be so focused on what you're looking for that you overlook the thing you actually find.”

Posts: 7472 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

AFrayedKnot♂ 36622Member # 36622

Posted: 7:47 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014

(((Rachelc)))

I can so relate. We too had a great weekend. Lots of togetherness, playing gardening, picnics. There were a hand full of times I looked around and thought "I have such an amazing partner and family, I so glad we stuck it out"

Then last night my sleep was full of ragefull angry dreams. Why? I don't know. But it sucks.

BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2813 | Registered: Aug 2012

tired girl♀ 28053Member # 28053

Posted: 10:18 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014

Sometimes it feels like when we get really comfortable and truly happy, our subconscious is there to remind us to not be to vulnerable. At least that is how it feels to me. I have to fight right now not pulling back when everything feels comfortable and happy. And I feel vulnerable again. I know that this is the space that I need to be in, in order for our relationship to move forward.

Me 46 Him 46 Hardlessons DS 26,24,21
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5856 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az

AML04♀ 39682Member # 39682

Posted: 12:14 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014

Sometimes my worst days come after my best days. I agree with tiredgirl. It's like our subconscious is trying to remind us not to forget :(

Sometimes it feels like when we get really comfortable and truly happy, our subconscious is there to remind us to not be to vulnerable. At least that is how it feels to me. I have to fight right now not pulling back when everything feels comfortable and happy. And I feel vulnerable again. I know that this is the space that I need to be in, in order for our relationship to move forward.

I can so relate to this. I agree with tiredgirl's statement above. It seems like I do this too. Things are going well, but it is like I need to remind myself. Hang in there rachelc. I am glad that you had a good weekend.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011

blakesteele♂ 38044Member # 38044

Posted: 7:35 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014

Positive progress!!!

With regards to the bounce/drop affect.

Mondays pretty much still suck for me.....two fold for me.

First, I read emails that basically said "can't wait for Monday....blakesteele will be busy at work and we can play again"

Second. Like you, I have noticed a bad night after a good weekend. Therapists have said totally normal....part of healing. Sounds like you both express this to each other. It's what has been recommended to us......helps kill further resentments.

had a good weekend as well.....but truly recognize that i need to remember to heal myself and keep healing myself because i always put everyone (including WH) first and it got me one big fat smack in the face...to be honest, my therapist and my own work (including this website) has actually accepted (a little) that the whole affair thing although it hurt (hurts) like hell has shown me that i DO matter and I CAN take care of myself.