advanced nescience for dummies; intellectual candy for your inner child if you'll just hop into the white van. Sorry Charlie, we want wisdom that's perverse, not perverts who are wise, although we'll probably take what we can get, as will Starkist now that there are no tuna, but that's a digression

STRONGER than regular marijuana—a chemical fact!The secret social experiment is over—fake weed has been legal everywhere in Florida for several years now 🙂 and the results are in:

Despite a sharp recession (2007-2011), violent crime rates (murder, rape, assault) in Florida are DOWN! Vehicle accidents—DOWN! Job-related injuries—DOWN! (Ok, I made up the last one, but the others are true and this one is probably true also).

Moreover, criminal stupidity and forgetfulness is WAY UP, providing invaluable assistance to law enforcement efforts!

The negative side? Non-lethal freak-outs are also WAY UP!!! (‘Tis a small price to pay, no?)

Knowledge of these fake cannabinoids can help explain a lot of recent high-profile freak-outs:

The film director Jason Russell (Kony 2012), who freaked out naked in the streets of LA was obviously upset that regular marijuana no longer works after you’ve smoked the fake for a while. I had a very similar reaction myself but got over it when I realized that the fake is much better 🙂

And much better means MUCH MORE FREAKY!!! Mu-wa-ha-ha-ha (cough, hack) ha…ahem…

For people who can’t handle the negative introspective thoughts of a so-called “bad” marijuana “trip” (although it’s actually mental growth when confronted head-on if you’re not an egotistical weakling about it): STAY AWAY FROM THE FAKE! Stay away so the price stays low!

You name the news event, and I can tell you which fake weed was involved:

George Zimmerman had obviously smoked some PANIC. IF we can believe Zimmerman’s description of Trayvon’s behavior (walking around in the rain, looking at stuff) then Trayvon had probably just finished a joint of RELAXINOL and flicked the roach away before being assaulted by Zimmerman.

The Afghanistan massacre sounds like the work of Headhunter–

a fake weed product any 18 year old can buy at non-corporate gas stations often run by people of south Asian ancestry (my new favorite ethnic group). A little RELAXINOL mixed in to Robert Bales’ hookah might have prevented this tragic international incident.

Now the two airline incidents sound like the work of the best fake weed product out there—Down 2 Earth.

The name is apt—when this stuff kicks in, you’ll want to be down to earth when it happens, you do NOT want to be at 30,000 feet. So if you have to make up crazy shit about 9-11 in order to get the plane down to earth, so be it. This stuff is that good!

In conclusion (because I’d hate to just trail off like a stoner), the fact that there are potentially hundreds or THOUSANDS of fake cannabinoids yet to be discovered and understood and made illegal underscores yet again the necessity of legalizing real marijuana, which is really rather tame compared to these synthetics (trust me on this).