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depression

I am in mourning. I have lost my best friend, lover, soul mate, my everything. The hardest part is that it wasn’t to death. He is still alive.

The beautiful piece of paradise where we lived was a constant source of stress, bad feelings and memories for him. It is because of it that I lost him. The legacy that was left to him consumed my wonderful loving husband. It took every bit of a wonderful man and destroyed him, leaving a bitter, mean, resentful, hateful person. Maybe he was right, the place is cursed. Maybe instead of trying to help him hang on and keep it, I should have stood aside and watched it sink or be sold. I didn’t though, I thought I was being a good wife. Now I don’t think so. According to the man left behind I wasn’t. I am so sorry.

I loved our life. I loved him. He was everything I had ever wanted in a husband. He was kind, loving, strong, fun and funny, so smart, creative, handsome, my biggest fan and I was his. He made my eyes blue. When I was with him my eyes were almost always blue. I don’t think they will ever be again because they never were before him. Now I have to keep them from turning black.