Unrealized Murders

This is a thought journey essay that I wrote for school, and I thought it turned out really well and wanted to share it with the world.

Feeling the wind surge from underneath him was a feeling that 15 year old Harrison James Brown had never anticipated that he'd ever feel. It wasn't until that feeling of gravity taking control and the ground rushing up to meet him that he realized that this was really it, this was his end. After years of harsh bullying and sight of blood flowing from his wrists due to the shame imposed on him from others for those he chose to kiss. The deed was done. He finally did it, all with just a seemingly pointless motion, a weightless step.

Slipping the rope around their neck, climbing to the precipice of a tall building or bridge, opening that pill bottle, cocking that gun. These are only some of the ways that over a million people choose to end their lives every year, or so says the World Health Organization. Depression. Bullying. The causes. The effect? Many people choosing to give in and end it all to escape the hell they've come to know as reality.

One such person, known by anyone who has heard "Make It Stop (Septembers Children)" by Rise Against, took his own life at age 18 by plunging to his death from the George Washington Bridge. He and over 400,000 others were pushed to end their own lives by people who are scared of the seemingly foreign idea of "homosexuality". These homophobes are only one of many reasons people get bullied to the point of suicide. In a sense, 400,000 people are murdered annually for the sheer principle of how they were born. It’s not like they choose to be different, it's just how their life is, how they are. Why is it that people think their actions have no consequences? Every action, no matter how small, has a larger effect than anyone would have thought.

I had never thought deep enough into the realm of understanding to see the effects of everything I've said and done in life. I could have very well been one of those people who said one careless word that threw someone into inner turmoil, forcing them into a vicious, seemingly never-ending fight with depression. I could have been the one that sent someone onto the path towards what could be their final moments. I had always been just one of those people who could care less what effects their actions take, why should I care anyway? Why should anyone else?

A world of prolonged sadness or anxiety, full of feelings of dejection and self doubt, even hopelessness. This is the world of depression. A world that over fifteen million people endure every day, without any knowledge as to why, or how, it is possible. These people, above all others, are at the highest risk to commit the dreadful act of terminating themselves. To them, the smallest actions have the largest effects. The media recently covered a story about an unnamed man who jumped off a bridge to end his life. They claim that a note was found to provide an explanation as to why he did it. The note said that "If a single person smiles at me on my way to, what is meant to be my final destination, I will not jump." Nobody saved his life. Even small gestures like smiling and saying "Hello" are enough to save a persons life. Life is a very precious gift, and the one that so many people are unable to enjoy.

Amongst those millions of people, was me. I truly felt alone, like nothing in the world could ever please or, God forbid, make me happy again. Day after day it was always the same. Wake up, go to school, fake a smile, come home, sleep. This cycle through perpetual sorrow repeated itself a countless amount of times until one fateful day a true friend realized what was going on and took the extra step needed to get me help. I was no longer alone, and the simple act of someone caring was enough to make me fight that cold, hard fist of evil in my chest, to overcome it and emerge as myself again. It wasn't until that day that I found the true value of a friend. I realized every little action, from anyone, including myself, carried an impact larger than I had ever understood.

Emotions are ridiculously easy to fake, a person could very well be suffering from severe clinical depression but all of their friends and family can be put under the spell that nothing is wrong at all. No matter how they appear to feel on the outside, everyone is at risk, nobody is immune to the treacherous grasp of depression. Therefore, it is never known what effects any action can have on an individual. That cheery, peppy girl? She could be covering up for the extreme sadness she feels from losing her mother to cancer. It is never known what people have gone through, how they look versus how they feel could be as drastic as the Moon and Sun., fire and water. Nothing done in life is gone unnoticed by anybody, everything has an effect. Somehow, somewhere.

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