It could be worse, Caz. He could end up on one of those posters - blah blah blah, hit by train, cost me an arm and a leg. I hate those posters. There's no reason I should have to see such graphic evidence of other people's stupidity every time I catch a train. Plenty of evidence of people being stupid actually on the trains.

You know, I've never seen a ticket inspector on shittyrail. I've had tickets checked by cops at Newtown station, been spoken to by cops at Newtown station, seen cops with sniffer dogs attacking people at Newtown station, and seen cops (en masse) attacking a child at Central but never once have I seen an actual ticket inspector. I might have to visit Melbourne just to confirm that such a job really exists somewhere in the world.

Most stations aren't manned, and the way isn't actually barred by ticket machines, so random ticket inspectors on the train are considered necessary. They're a useless bunch who manage to make everybody on the train feel as if they're not trusted. Somebody should give them garbage bags and a pay raise to pick up all the rubbish left over on the seats by slobs who are too lazy to pick up after themselves.

I expect I will decline into drivelling idiocy and senility by next year, and die ranting at the nurse about how things have gone downhill ever since the war of Jenkins ear. Those devilish Portuguese have a lot to answer for!