1) Question: Here is the plan, which I believe to be foolproof: I must give a urine sample under the terms of my probation. Because I would surely fail the urine test for drugs, I will fill a small vodka bottle with "clean" urine, insert it in my vagina, and then remove it and use the clean urine for the sample. Then I'll put the bottle back in my vagina and walk on out. Can't fail, right?

2) Question: I'm a police officer. I need to transport two mattresses, but all I have is my squad car. Can I use my squad car for this if I'm off-duty and I can strap the mattresses on the roof without damaging the police lights?

3) Question: I wanted to have a small flower garden in my front yard, but my condo association said I couldn't. But the condo bylaws didn't forbid gardens so I did it anyway. My condo association started issuing me a $50 per day fine for the garden, and now they say I owe them $6,000 plus legal fees! That's it, I am selling this stupid condo and getting out of here!

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1) Question: Here is the plan, which I believe to be foolproof: I must give a urine sample under the terms of my probation. Because I would surely fail the urine test for drugs, I will fill a small vodka bottle with "clean" urine, insert it in my vagina, and then remove it and use the clean urine for the sample. Then I'll put the bottle back in my vagina and walk on out. Can't fail, right?

2) Question: I'm a police officer. I need to transport two mattresses, but all I have is my squad car. Can I use my squad car for this if I'm off-duty and I can strap the mattresses on the roof without damaging the police lights?

3) Question: I wanted to have a small flower garden in my front yard, but my condo association said I couldn't. But the condo bylaws didn't forbid gardens so I did it anyway. My condo association started issuing me a $50 per day fine for the garden, and now they say I owe them $6,000 plus legal fees! That's it, I am selling this stupid condo and getting out of here!