tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-130839722015-06-25T23:12:25.641-05:00Julie Pippert: Using My WordsJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger735125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-45960563230922412852014-08-25T10:36:00.000-05:002014-08-25T10:36:11.873-05:00Meet the Teacher BUT NO ASKING HER QUESTIONS! (What?)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JuPguVem6vs/U_tLB8Jn77I/AAAAAAAAGv4/pPTOsIQrExs/s1600/meet-the-teacher.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JuPguVem6vs/U_tLB8Jn77I/AAAAAAAAGv4/pPTOsIQrExs/s1600/meet-the-teacher.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>Last week, I had the opportunity to go to a Meet the Teacher. Our school does this every year. It's a great way for the teacher, kids and parents to meet, connect, and be ready for the start of school.<br /><br />The teacher gets our (parent) contact information, puts a face to a name, and is able to set up best contact method for the school year.<br /><br />Kids get to see who is in their class, see the classroom, figure out where it is.<br /><br />Parents get to shake hands, connect, etc.<br /><br />It builds comfort all around, connects people who need to be connected, and is a great thing to do. I'm sorry to hear it's not common everywhere. It makes me more grateful for it, though.<br /><br />I wanted to get to know our teacher, who is brand new to the school, so I crowdsourced my Facebook community for ideas of great questions to ask when I met the teacher, just to get a little sense of who she is.<br /><br /><b>I was stunned by how many people thought I did not have the right to or should not talk to the teacher, ask her any questions, or get to know her. </b><br /><br />Confessing: I was a little taken aback, truth be told. Why were people so discouraging about this?<br /><br />The purpose of the event is to Meet the Teacher. The teacher is new. The teacher EXPECTED parent questions and came with information and prepared to talk to parents and answer questions. She said so herself.<br /><br />Custom may vary at other school meet the teachers. In our school, it seems quite common for parents to come in, greet the teacher, chat, and get to know one another. That's beneficial for both teacher and parent, in my opinion. I'm sure we learned a helpful amount in our short chat.<br /><br />For example, I learned she likes technology and had a great app for communicating with parents, and she learned I thought that was fantastic. We chatted about kid birthdays. I learned she has some good teaching experience behind her and has a good approach to individual learning. She learned I am happy to help support classroom things as needed. She learned we are teaching the kids budgeting at home, which means my daughter will understand the sticker economy the class uses.<br /><br />I was one of the first parents there so we chatted a few extra minutes than I'd thought to be able to, which was very nice. Other parents trailed in and got their few minutes too. My daughter and the other kids explored the classroom, identified where they'd be sitting, figured out where bags went, got information from the teacher, who now also had faces to their names (though she'll get that nearly every day, but this was a casual circumstance).<br /><br />It was a very positive experience all around, I thought, though I know it is stressful for teachers to do all the setup and prep for it. I did say how much I appreciated that and gave a store gift card to help with any supplies she needed.<br /><br />Hopefully, it has come through how very beneficial and positive the meet the teacher with actual talking to the teacher is. It's not a parent-teacher in depth conversation, of course. Just a chat&nbsp;for a couple of minutes to&nbsp;get to&nbsp;know you a bit.<br /><br /><b>As a parent, I am my child's greatest ally and advocate. I have the right to talk to the teacher and get to know her. She and I will be working together this coming year to educate my child.&nbsp;</b><br /><br />But when I asked my Facebook friends for ideas of questions to ask, aside from a few exceptions, I got the strong sense that people thought I had no place, no right, to ask anything of the teacher. Teachers are so importuned, the message came across, that parents need to leave them be. Parents should not talk to teachers at meet the teacher, came the message.<br /><br />That sentiment troubles me greatly.<br /><br />Teachers have a wonderful job but, unfortunately, sometimes it is stressful and in terrible conditions. I can relate. I have had jobs like that too! Answering to dreadful bureaucracy, lacking resources and budget, dealing with coworkers or clients who are never satisfied or never have a good thing to say, worrying about job security and benefits, and on and on.<br /><br />Unlike for most challenged workers, people are aware that teachers have this situation. That provides an opportunity for mindful courtesy.<br /><br /><b>Does that courtesy make them untouchable? It seems so for some people. The message was loud and clear: don't bother the teacher, don't trouble the teacher--asking questions and getting to know the teacher does both.</b><br /><br />I admit that if I had approached the teacher to get to know her and she seemed unapproachable or annoyed to chat, I'd have formed a very negative impression. I'd have grave concerns about our ability to communicate as parent and teacher working for the best for my child. And yet, I got the impression, from some teachers who commented, that they would not have welcomed a parent who approached to get to know them and ask a few questions.<br /><br />At our event, I was nowhere near the only parent to ask questions. There were all sorts of questions! When are bathroom breaks? What's the switch schedule and lunch? Do you need any supplies? Where were you before? When are you due? And some more in depth ones, such as the one I asked: How do you motivate kids to do what they need to do in class?<br /><br />Believe it or not, all of the questions were Good To Know. At our school, mostly parents want to back up the teacher and understanding things can help with that. Some parents simply introduced themselves. That has been me many years too.<br /><br /><b>So if you are one who thinks a parent asking questions and getting to know the teacher at meet the teacher day is all wrong, defend your reason why. I'd like to understand your perspective on this. Or try to.</b><br /><br />Other points of view are welcome to: do you think it's a good thing to do at meet the teacher? Have you met a teacher, asked a few questions, had a short chat?<br /><br />Don't make it about being selfish. It's not selfish to spend a couple of minutes connecting with your child's teacher at Meet the Teacher.<br /><br />Don't make it about being discourteous to other parents. The event is a full hour and every parent who wanted to had the chance to speak with the teacher. Nobody "hogged" the teacher. Everyone took a couple of minutes to chat as they wanted.<br /><br />Don't make it about "it's for the kids, not for you." That's junk science. Parents are invited to meet the teacher to meet the teacher too. Kids get the chance to say hi, but mainly they want to run with friends and see the classroom. If you stay the full hour, there is ample time to chat with the teacher for a few minutes and explore the classroom with your child.<br /><br />Be clear: I use the word chat on purpose. That's to make it clear it is a short, light, conversation. It's to differentiate it from an in depth conversation like you might have at a one on one conference.<br /><br />Be clear: when I say a few minutes, I do mean a few minutes. I mean 3ish more or less.<br /><br /><b>So why do you think people were so inclined (in the majority) to discourage me from talking to the teacher and asking her a couple of questions at meet the teacher?</b>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-56763010095861995282014-08-23T09:16:00.002-05:002014-08-23T09:29:22.917-05:00I saw the Magna Carta and then the country implodedOne Friday a few weeks ago after a meeting in town, I dragged my kids to the <a href="http://www.hmns.org/" target="_blank">Houston Museum of Natural Science</a>. The real Magna Carta was on display in a special exhibit and I thought we absolutely had to go. How often do you get to see a document that is, at least in part, the foundation of the democracy in which you live. Or be near something that survived so much: strong desire for oppression, wars, and time.<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MdQdxGdDUIU/U_iYcrvIc3I/AAAAAAAAGvk/QhLzHoAFz80/s1600/magnacarta325.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MdQdxGdDUIU/U_iYcrvIc3I/AAAAAAAAGvk/QhLzHoAFz80/s1600/magnacarta325.jpg" height="198" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image via&nbsp;www.historyextra.com</td></tr></tbody></table>Sure, it didn't all work out at the time, but the idea took root and finally, about 500 years later, some other men in a not-quite-yet country wrote another document demanding&nbsp;protection of their rights and property against a tyrannical king. This time, a Pope couldn't quash it and neither could a king. It is still the foundation for the United States today.<br /><br />From archives.gov is this crucial point:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">The Fifth Amendment to the Constitution ("no person shall . . . be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.") is a direct descendent of Magna Carta's guarantee of proceedings according to the "law of the land."</blockquote>Lately, I've had a feeling we are a little less concerned with the law of the land as it pertains to due process and more married to the idea of hastily constructed personal or media kangaroo court and vigilante "justice."<br /><br />I looked at that document and thought about those nearly ancient barons. Sort of middle class, they were being bled dry (figuratively and literally) by the King. They just wanted some rights, some liberties. A little comfort. The idea that they weren't subject to the arbitrary whims of those in power, such as the King. I suspect they were tired and just wanted to be able to sleep peacefully at night.<br /><br />They didn't want to worry about walking down the street and getting piked by a king's man because the king took umbrage to something they did or didn't do. They may also have been tired of having no sovereignty that seemed to pair logically with their status as freemen. These barons, radical as they might have been, no longer wanted what they had to be fair game for seizure on a King's whim.<br /><br />King John signed it, and died the next year (1216) so who knows where the whole thing would have gone but truth is, most of it was revoked and other parts were amended plus sections were added. But that one original clause, later named Clause 29, stuck:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">29. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehold, or Liberties, or free Customs, or be outlawed, or exiled, or any other wise destroyed; nor will We not pass upon him, nor condemn him, but by lawful judgment of his Peers, or by the Law of the land. We will sell to no man, we will not deny or defer to any man either Justice or Right.</blockquote>The Magna Carta, this long history, the barons, and because of my recent trip to Philadelphia, the founders of the US were heavily on my mind this month when another black teen was shot dead by a police officer in Missouri.<br /><br />What happened from there told me we have utterly forgotten due process. Too many of us have subscribed to the concept of immediate lethal force, forgetting rights, forgetting there are alternatives to solving a situation without execution.<br /><br />The news is full of tragic stories of terrified people leaping to lethal, excessive force first and suffering for it later: a police officer who mistakenly shot his daughter, a grandmother who mistakenly shot her young grandson, and so on. All believing that due to a noise they heard, they were at risk of their lives so had to kill. Ruled, harmed, by too much fear.<br /><br />What happened from there also told me we have also forgotten the First Amendment: "the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."<br /><br />We do have a grievance: people--statistically particularly black men and youths--are being deprived of life without due process of law.<br /><br />There are a lot of details people are miring themselves in, about the right to bear arms, the right to protect yourself using lethal force, and how people who get shot probably deserved it.<br /><br />The real conversation is the right to not walk down the street worried you will be deprived of life without due process of law...by those sworn to uphold the law. It's important to know that as freemen and women we will not be condemned but by lawful judgment of our peers. Like the barons of old, we need to be able to walk down the street without fear of being piked by the king's men aka shot by police.<br /><br />I say we because I do think it applies to us all. I say we because I stand with my fellow mothers who are forced to teach their children how to walk, talk and act in the presence of police because, without due process, they are outlawed because they are black. I stand with the fathers who send their teen sons out with added worry beyond the usual parental concern about youth out and about. I stand with my people--because we are all people together--who walk on the same streets but a different path because of skin color.<br /><br />It's not okay. It's that simple.<br /><br />I support the very understandable grievance and desire to air it to our government, whose representatives are too often acting outside of due process outlawing, exiling and depriving of life.<br /><br />Leaders through time have stood consistently for justice, for rights and liberties of people. It was not easy for the barons in 1215 nor was it easy for the Philadelphia Convention in 1787. Both the Magna Carta and the Constitution have been fiercely debated ever since their inception. The Magna Carta was reconfirmed somewhere between 32-45 times.<br /><br />It's okay that we need to have the discussion, the reconfirmation, but we NEED to have it and it needs to be now.<br /><br />This is the basis of our civilization and our culture.<br /><br />Before one tin soldier is all that is left to ride away.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-10887698335304132612013-12-17T08:54:00.000-06:002013-12-18T20:22:04.669-06:00If I had to be stuck in a snow globe with a bunch of people...it would be these people and at SeaWorld<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Disclosure statement: SeaWorld did not commission this post nor did they compensate me for it. However, I did receive free admission to the park.</i></span><br /><br />If I am honest, I do not actually look that forward to December. Oh I try, but I am usually dragged under by endeavoring to make this the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. People can say simplify and say no, which is good advice, but even with a lot of simplification and no-ing, this is still a month that gets to feeling like a 300 pound ape on your chest by oh say December 16.<br /><br />One thing I have grown to look forward to, though, this time of year, is our family's annual trek to <a href="http://seaworldparks.com/en/seaworld-sanantonio" target="_blank">SeaWorld San Antonio</a>. It's cool, the park is decked out to the holiday nines, and there are loads of special events. Before that, though, I get to camp out in the park with some people I really, really like. And this is a story best told in pictures...of all the things we did...<br /><br />We started with a Polar Plunge. I know, everyone says blah blah blah Polar Plunge in Texas ha ha. It was 28 degrees, people. That's cold, and in the water? Really, really cold! But my friends Kami, Stacy and Alba did it for Special Olympics! So did the SeaWorld Communications team, which includes our intrepid friends Brian, Mason, Jeff and Steve...who went as very cold Richard Simmons.<br /><br />Afterwards we toured the super cool decorations, which are organized into theme areas. I particularly liked the Have Yourself a Very Texas Christmas, which included a boot tree! We went to see our buddies the seals (Yoga Seal, my personal favorite -- a Harbor Seal, for the record -- was doing Zen meditation.<br /><br />Here's the ALL TRUE part though you won't believe it: then we went backstage and met the sea lions, who we went on stage with (somewhere, someone has a photo and someday I will have proof. I stood on the stage with a sea lion.). On our way to the stage, we got to see the otters who can make me laugh just by sitting there. I snapped one of the sweet mates and YES I sang <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBYV_7a0FQs" target="_blank">Muskrat Love</a>. (If you don't know that song...<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBYV_7a0FQs" target="_blank">LMGTFY</a>.)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XUnH0cy1eEo/Uq-2HRGL5vI/AAAAAAAAEhc/ShCrw-tVrUI/s1600/IMG_2302.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XUnH0cy1eEo/Uq-2HRGL5vI/AAAAAAAAEhc/ShCrw-tVrUI/s320/IMG_2302.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My favorite otters, the best posing seal, penguins (of course!) and a cactus wreath.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8tWZBsWJsZE/Uq-2HfTP5WI/AAAAAAAAEhg/yQPcksH96iU/s1600/IMG_2309.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8tWZBsWJsZE/Uq-2HfTP5WI/AAAAAAAAEhg/yQPcksH96iU/s320/IMG_2309.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Next big adventure was Snow World. They took a huge space and made it a snowy winter wonderland, complete with sledding hill. In case you wondered, of course I slid down!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GpKjFVhtpcA/Uq-5vPe8VUI/AAAAAAAAEik/cb4qTuEDQ-I/s1600/IMG_2268.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GpKjFVhtpcA/Uq-5vPe8VUI/AAAAAAAAEik/cb4qTuEDQ-I/s320/IMG_2268.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Right outside of Snow World was the most amazing snow globe that you could go inside. This is not photoshopped or a trick! We are really inside that snow globe. It's was hilarious and so fun, plus what a great photo.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cQMPN2bUIt0/Uq-6k6gHIVI/AAAAAAAAEis/i11nIi5FtRU/s1600/IMG_2272.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cQMPN2bUIt0/Uq-6k6gHIVI/AAAAAAAAEis/i11nIi5FtRU/s320/IMG_2272.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Then I took a selfie in the snowglobe and oh my gosh it did not suck! So I included it here! Look! A decent photo of me!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lo3mNoWIM20/Uq-2Hd8Mb8I/AAAAAAAAEhY/hWZ6jd1spBs/s1600/IMG_2304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lo3mNoWIM20/Uq-2Hd8Mb8I/AAAAAAAAEhY/hWZ6jd1spBs/s320/IMG_2304.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yeah we stole up on another stage and took photos because...STAGE and LIGHTS and CANDY CANES! My buddies who are so fun!&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZP87lfa2Q9g/Uq-2L_gEwxI/AAAAAAAAEh8/AxyJUOZB52M/s1600/IMG_2310.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZP87lfa2Q9g/Uq-2L_gEwxI/AAAAAAAAEh8/AxyJUOZB52M/s320/IMG_2310.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>&nbsp;Dinner with Santa was a blast! The food was a lot of delicious favorites for the holiday season. Elves danced around, visiting each table. Santa and Mrs. Claus dropped in too, and Santa read <i>The Night Before Christmas</i> to the kids. It was all retro, total flashback to the 1960s, including all the decorations outside. I really do think we had that Santa when I was a little girl, in a smaller window sized form!<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DirLgM_M20s/Uq-2Mic3N9I/AAAAAAAAEiA/G_d-XVxtBQk/s1600/IMG_2334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DirLgM_M20s/Uq-2Mic3N9I/AAAAAAAAEiA/G_d-XVxtBQk/s320/IMG_2334.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DCnONgFOV7c/Uq-2JaFm0nI/AAAAAAAAEho/1801zbiFw4I/s1600/IMG_2340.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DCnONgFOV7c/Uq-2JaFm0nI/AAAAAAAAEho/1801zbiFw4I/s320/IMG_2340.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>&nbsp;Last but not least, we got to see the newborn baby girl whale! It was magical, a miracle. Watching mother and new baby swim around, learning about their routine of swim and nurse. I snapped about a million photos and half a dozen movies but I'll spare you and only include a few.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yspkaBy_xTA/Uq-2Kb1DltI/AAAAAAAAEh4/Sv1rFviNFlw/s1600/IMG_2372.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yspkaBy_xTA/Uq-2Kb1DltI/AAAAAAAAEh4/Sv1rFviNFlw/s320/IMG_2372.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>&nbsp;Finally, the campout in the dorms with the traditional pillow fight! At least this time, Mason had an ally in Fred.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4lRUe_9oZBc/Uq-2NO4NRuI/AAAAAAAAEiI/94BgdoeGglQ/s1600/IMG_2375.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4lRUe_9oZBc/Uq-2NO4NRuI/AAAAAAAAEiI/94BgdoeGglQ/s320/IMG_2375.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As usual, it was so much fun I had to promise to bring my family back during the holidays!</div><br /><br /><br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-58906606225315709582013-12-11T08:40:00.003-06:002013-12-11T08:40:51.557-06:00How we teach boys and girls about kissing is all wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r1NaReoTKS4/Uqh5SHbd1KI/AAAAAAAAEg8/MTSFHYhk1e0/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-12-11+at+8.39.34+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r1NaReoTKS4/Uqh5SHbd1KI/AAAAAAAAEg8/MTSFHYhk1e0/s320/Screen+shot+2013-12-11+at+8.39.34+AM.png" width="287" /></a></div>When my daughter was in kindergarten, a boy friend kissed her. To my mind, both kids were equally a part of the kiss because it was mutual--they were playing Marriage, and had just pretended a wedding. To me, it was play. Nobody grabbed anyone or coerced anyone and nobody felt threatened or worried or bad. They even had a discussion about it in advance and decided cheek would do even if grownups did lips.<br /><br />But others felt differently. The boy's mom was horrified, or maybe terrified? She imposed a severe consequence on him and had the school do the same. She apologized to me and made the boy apologize to my daughter.<br /><br />One thing I know: this lady is a fantastic mom with wonderful kids.<br /><br />One thing I understand: we do have a rape culture and I deeply appreciate boy moms who work hard to teach boys about respect and consideration of girls.<br /><br />One thing I believe: we have to do something to improve how our boys and girls interact. That means effort with both boys and girls. Preferably in some positive and constructive way.<br /><br />One thing that perplexes me to this day: why, all facts considered, in my specific case, everyone perceived my daughter as "the victim" and the boy as "the perpetrator." Odds are, my girl chose the game. Either way, she agreed to the kiss. I didn't want the boy punished -- I thought either neither kid or both kids. So everyone compromised and went with a reminder to both children about "okay touches and not okay touches" and how no kissing in class was a rule. That still sort of broke my heart.<br /><br />One thing I think: I'm not sure that how this situation was handled or how other situations similar to it (as in the news story I'm posting below) do any good at all. The outcome of my case is my daughter never again played Marriage and decided it was not okay to be friends with boys, even though she enjoys boys as friends. I just can't help but wonder if we worsened the problem we were trying to solve.<br /><br />So now we teach boys that ANY touching of a girl is a criminal act, so how do parents get across okay and not okay in the face of this? Because there is a distinction of okay and not okay. But we're losing it, I think, and I believe that's worsening the problem.<br /><br />What do you think?<br /><br />News story:&nbsp;<a href="http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2013/12/boy_6_accused_of_sexual_harassment_for_kissing_girl_on_cheek_and_hand.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Boy, 6, suspended from school for kissing girl on cheek and hand</a>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-829696819404032802013-03-18T11:49:00.000-05:002013-03-19T09:55:22.085-05:00What you really need to tell teens about sexual assault<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fr9IqjKeFqY/UUdBn9Mg_RI/AAAAAAAAEDk/xnYC6Xh5uXU/s1600/cnn+rapist+sympathy.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fr9IqjKeFqY/UUdBn9Mg_RI/AAAAAAAAEDk/xnYC6Xh5uXU/s1600/cnn+rapist+sympathy.jpeg" /></a></div>The <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/18/steubenville-rape-trial-attorney-general-mike-dewine_n_2899681.html" target="_blank">Steubenville Ohio rape case</a>&nbsp;highlighted a huge ugly disturbing gap in our society about rape. Internet outrage erupted about the "drunk girl" and "getting what was deserved." There was a lot of nasty commentary about all the things women and girls need to do to not get raped (as if rape and rapists are completely fair and only go after the deserving). <a href="http://publicshaming.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">People commented in typical "blame the victim" ways</a>, shamefully and appallingly. It made me fear for humanity.<br /><br />Maybe, possibly, worst of all, major news network <a href="http://gawker.com/5991003/cnn-reports-on-the-promising-future-of-the-steubenville-rapists-who-are-very-good-students" target="_blank">CNN reported the case from a distressingly sympathetic view for...the convicted rapists</a>. Reporters Poppy Harlow and Candy Crowley evinced grief about the convicted rapists' lost bright futures.<br /><br />As the <a href="http://gawker.com/5991003/cnn-reports-on-the-promising-future-of-the-steubenville-rapists-who-are-very-good-students" target="_blank">brilliant Gawker piece</a> by Mallory Ortberg said:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">People who commit acts of sexual violence (rape, for example) and are convicted in a court of law are required to register with the national sex offender public registry, so that future employers and neighbors might do things like check said registry.<br />For readers interested in learning more about how not to be labeled as registered sex offenders, a good first step is not to rape unconscious women, no matter how good your grades are.&nbsp;</blockquote>Yes, yes that's very smart: if you do not want to tank your bright, promising future, do not commit illegal acts, especially ones that are sexual assaults on young girls. Also, do not further assault her by videotaping, photographing and distributing that material online because that's breaking another law. Or two. Then, do not threaten and harass her in person and via texts, because that's breaking another law.<br /><br />If you do feel compelled to sexually assault an unconscious teen girl, do not tell yourself it's okay because she's "drunk" or "asking for it." Instead, call a trusted voice of reason and say "hey I am feeling that psychopathic urge to harm another human being again...remind me why it's wrong."<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VFCe0t02VTc/UUdB0GQSJOI/AAAAAAAAEDs/gKlRu8qD1WY/s1600/rapeis+caused+by.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VFCe0t02VTc/UUdB0GQSJOI/AAAAAAAAEDs/gKlRu8qD1WY/s1600/rapeis+caused+by.jpg" /></a></div>Rape is pretty simple: it's when you force a sexual act (and these boys learned how very broad that phrase "sexual act" is during their trial) on an unwilling person. There is no reason or excuse for rape. Therefore, it is not incumbent on the victim not to be be raped. It is incumbent on&nbsp;other&nbsp;humans not to rape, under any condition or situation. It is further incumbent on other humans to contact police if a felony such as rape is being committed.<br /><br />But let's also not forget it is incumbent on humans to be good friends to one another and good&nbsp;stewards&nbsp;of humanity. I'm sure none of us want to have any of our kids&nbsp;learn&nbsp;that through a tragedy like this.<br /><br />So to that end, here's a list of things I thought of that parents should talk to kids about to prevent sexual assault (hint: it's not a job for parents of daughters to teach their girls how not to be raped, and there will be no tip about modest dress in this list) AND things men and women should discuss to clear up any gray areas.<br /><br />In no particular order -- with the understanding that no, it's not 100% complete (comment&nbsp;additions&nbsp;welcome) and none of it is easy but neither is going to prison and having a record, and, worse, harming another human being on purpose:<br /><ol><li>If you see someone doing&nbsp;something&nbsp;bad or harmful, speak up or go get someone who will.</li><li>If your friends want you to join in&nbsp;something&nbsp;bad, such as a sexual assault, simply say, "No way, jackass, I don't want to end up like those Steubenville dudes and also, way uncool." Try to convince them to stop and if they won't, go get help (you can call 911 to report a felony, such as rape, in progress).</li><li>If your friends try to pressure you into doing something bad for you, they aren't friends. They are what is called bad influences. Say adios and find a new group.</li><li>If your friends do bad things to other people, they aren't good kids. They are bad kids. Say adios and find a new group.</li><li>Be a good friend. Don't abandon or desert friends in need, or during or after a harmful situation. If you're afraid, that's understandable. Find a trusted adult who can help you. And hey, adults, a lot of kids don't have good support in their lives. Be that person if you can be.</li><li>If you are there, you are a part of it. Let's look at the <a href="http://www.legalinfo.com/content/criminal-law/crime-overview-aiding-and-abetting-or-accessory.html" target="_blank">legal&nbsp;consequences&nbsp;of accessory</a>.</li><li>If you intend to try to have sex with a person, be open about that, "I'm really attracted to you and would like to make love tonight." If you aren't mature enough to have that open and honest conversation -- which would include contraception and disease prevention and total and utter respect of the other person's answer, even if it is no -- then you are not mature enough for sex. Even if you are 50 years old. Oh, does it ruin the romance for you? Well huh. It seems to be pretty widely regarded as romantic and sexy for someone to want you and be attracted to you, and to be confident enough to say so? *fans self*</li><li>Number 7 doesn't mean you get to hoot and holler and say, "I wanna sex you up" to anyone you find attractive. That's not okay. Number 7 means talking with someone you've gotten to know, are&nbsp;becoming&nbsp;involved with, and have a mutual attraction. It's not okay to make someone feel unsafe by yelling out to them in public what you'd like to do to their body -- a lot of people find that a threat, actually, and abusive.</li><li>If you prefer a charm and seduction scenario, see #7. Avoid gray areas. Make sure, before there is a Moment, that everyone is crystal clear about Yes and okay with proceeding. It's not rape, but I know way too many women who had Unwelcome Sex because they felt pressured or past a point of being able to say no. Make sure your partner is definitely willing and open the door for a change of mind or heart. That's being a good lover. 100% true.</li><li>Never, even threaten or manipulate a person into having sex with you. That makes you a bad person and barely a step above rapist. Don't tell a person you'll break up or your needs are more important or whatever pressure you try to exert to force someone into sex. If a relationship isn't working, end it with dignity and respect. Do not try to harm another person's psyche. That is abuse.</li><li>If you harm another person, they didn't ruin your life, you did. You harmed that person. Take responsibility.</li><li>If you are a teen and get in over your head, get to a trusted person, preferably an adult, and get help. Parents, you should have a teen safe word/get out of jail free card. I am a true believer in natural and logical consequences, but there are times when rewarding good judgment ("I'm in over my head and need help") is more important.</li><li>Get in there and get to know your kids' friends...as a grown-up and parent, not as a buddy. I'm amazed what teens are willing to talk to interested adults about on life topics.</li><li>Tell your kids if they do something wrong, it's on them. Hopefully you've told them this since day 1, but be consistent on it. Don't make excuses. I mean it: Do Not Make Excuses. Hold kids&nbsp;accountable&nbsp;and keep firm on that line. Trust me, I know how tough this is. Even when I think a situation is unfair, I use it as a learning tool: life is unfair, it's up to you to respond well.</li><li>Watch how you talk. If you denigrate or dehumanize any group of people, your kids will too. And if they act on it, they'll probably break the law. If they do, they were the bad person who did the bad thing. Nobody ever does anything that asks another person to harm them. Let's be crystal clear: if you harm another person, that is because of a problem in YOU, not because of the other person.</li><li>You never have an excuse for using your technology to harass another person, either by taking bad photos, sending harassing messages, bullying, etc. or perpetuating it by passing it along. If you do this, you -- by which I mean YOU -- are the problem.</li><li>The measure of you as a person has nothing to do with how much sex you do or do not have. Sex does not make you a good person, a cool person, a stud, a slut, a bad person, a&nbsp;grown-up, or anything at all other than a person who is or is not having sex. People will always be curious about the sex you are or are not having. Mainly because as humans we need to connect with others and weigh ourselves against a norm. It's nobody's actual business, though, except yours. If you share your sexual information without your partner's consent, you have breached trust and done a bad thing. In general, best to respect privacy and not kiss and tell.</li><li>Rape is not sex. It is assault, and it is about a dysfunctional psyche and power over another person. People who rape are messed up individuals doing a messed up thing. Anyone who lauds it is also a messed up individual doing a messed up thing. Don't be a hot mess.</li><li>Make sure kids understand the following about any kind of sexual act:</li></ol><ul><li>no means no</li><li>drunk means no</li><li>unconscious means no</li><li>even if you are a minor, if you create&nbsp;pornography&nbsp;you are breaking the law and can be jailed</li><li>it doesn't matter how a woman is dressed, it doesn't permit rape</li><li>it doesn't matter what date number it is, your date does not owe you sex</li><li>another person never owes you sex</li><li>you never owe another person sex</li><li>adults may not ask kids for sex</li><li>sex between adults and kids is actually illegal and called rape</li><li>even if a person invites you back home, it doesn't mean you get sex</li><li>nobody ever asks for "it" ("it" being sexually assaulted or harassed)</li><li>it's not up to a person to be "invulnerable" to protect from assault</li><li>it's up to you NOT to assault another person</li></ul><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cx6HBwy_PPI/UUdB8u5yoNI/AAAAAAAAED0/cES3B_ZOvT8/s1600/stop+rape.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cx6HBwy_PPI/UUdB8u5yoNI/AAAAAAAAED0/cES3B_ZOvT8/s320/stop+rape.png" width="245" /></a></div><br />It's hard enough to talk to teens about sex. I'm with you on the challenges. I'm still with you on talking to teens about the harder stuff like sexual assault, but truth: ignorance is not bliss; it's complicit. Forewarned is&nbsp;forearmed&nbsp;and if you prepare your teens, they do not have to figure it out in the complicated and pressure-laden moment. They can pull out their pre-prepared decision and&nbsp;statement&nbsp; as well as action.<br /><br />No guarantees but I'd rather feel as if I did all I could or should whatever comes.<br /><br /><b>Some more resources:</b><br /><br />I wasn't really able to quickly or easily find great resources about how to teach your teens to not be a part of sexual assault. I found a lot targeting women taking "steps" to "prevent rape." If you do have any good resources, please share in comments.<br /><br /><a href="http://technorati.com/women/article/rape-needs-no-redefinition/" target="_blank">Rape Needs No Redefinition</a> by Ilina Ewen: "There is no rape continuum that defines one type of rape as worse than another. To fathom that there is a kind of rape that is more forcible than another is ludicrous at best, callous at worst. Rape is, by definition, forcible. Macmillain dictionary defines rape as "the crime of forcing someone to have sex by using violence." Rape is a forcible assault and violation that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power. &nbsp;Rape is a raw, crude act of violence that leaves its victims wretching and writhing with a lifetime of pain."<br /><br /><a href="http://www.clevelandrapecrisis.org/resources/preventing-sexual-violence/talk-to-a-teen-to-prevent-sexual-violence" target="_blank">Talk to a Teen to Prevent Sexual Violence</a> -- Tips from Cleveland Rape Crisis Center<br /><br /><a href="http://www.thecoolspot.gov/" target="_blank">Resisting Peer Pressure</a> -- a site aimed at teens but useful for parents (how to talk about these things and what to talk about), chock full of great resources and information.<br /><br /><a href="http://deal.org/the-knowzone/violence/sexual-abuse-and-harassment/" target="_blank">Sexual Abuse and Harassment</a> -- a site full of facts and resources, information about law and how it affects you and your actions as a teen, definitions and explanations of terms kids hear such as sexual assault and consent, and more.<br /><br /><a href="http://sanantoniomomblogs.com/2013/03/18/talking-about-the-tough-stuff-with-our-kids/" target="_blank">Talking about the tough stuff with our kids</a> -- a great personal story and advice from Colleen Pence: "I was once a 17-year-old drunk girl, saved twice by the grace of God (and dear friends) from would-be, teenage (possibly first-time) rapists who, under any other circumstances, were considered to be “good” boys. They were friends of mine."<br /><br /><a href="http://goodwomenproject.com/from-the-men/your-body-is-never-the-problem" target="_blank">Your Body is Never the Problem</a> -- a fantastic article suggested by Heidi Massey that brilliantly discusses why modest dress doesn't solve the problem because how women dress is not the problem.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.askmoxie.org/2013/03/a-letter-to-my-sons-about-stopping-rape.html" target="_blank">A Letter To My Sons About Stopping Rape</a> -- suggested by Kate Woodman, this letter rocks it and shows how brilliantly so many mothers of sons are raising their boys.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/bobcook/2013/03/17/lesson-from-steubenville-rape-trial-how-jock-culture-morphs-into-rape-culture/" target="_blank">Lesson From Steubenville Rape Trial: How Jock Culture Morphs Into Rape Culture</a> - Forbes -- suggested by Amanda Quraishi, a really good exploration of how rape culture forms opportunity and overcomes moral lessons.<br /><br /><a href="https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/steubenville-candy-crowley-and-the-social-license-to-operate-an-open-letter/" target="_blank">Steubenville, Candy Crowley And The Social License To Operate: An Open Letter</a> -- suggested by Bob Le Drew, this article is more of a resource than the title suggests. It really is full of perspective and talking points.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.bloggingboutboys.blogspot.com/2013/03/boys-rape.html" target="_blank">Boys &amp; Rape</a> -- suggested by Becky Gjendem, this article tells parents you have to set the right model for kids, because an example is worth a million words.<br /><br /><a href="http://mochadad.com/2013/03/fathers-must-teach-their-sons-that-rape-is-unacceptable/" target="_blank">Fathers Must Teach Their Sons That Rape is Unacceptable</a> -- last but not at all least is this great essay from my friend Fred Goodall, which demonstrates why I think he is such a fantastic guy, and really nails the importance of how fathers must teach sons that women are people, not sexual objects.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-59821821915627978822013-02-19T14:33:00.001-06:002013-02-19T14:33:39.887-06:00A Place to be Uncertain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://2.gvt0.com/vi/ZFPVF9J9Wmo/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZFPVF9J9Wmo&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZFPVF9J9Wmo&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div><br />In my kitchen cabinet, over the hyperbolically named coffee counter, is a mug. It's a cartoon, with cartoon font, and it says, "I'm 40, I ought to have more money by now."<br /><br />It was given to my husband by his sister, his younger sister, a number of years ago. It was supposed to be a joke, funny.<br /><br />But the only actually funny thing about 40 and beyond is that saying is sort of an ironic mantra. By now, you're supposed to have a lot more of everything: money, patience, perspective, wisdom, answers. Certainty.<br /><br />I walk through each day feeling very I don't know-ish and everyone really looks to me to be quite certain. I answer calls each day to provide something. I want to turn to everyone and ask what I should do, what I should be, is this where I am supposed to be, is this it? Instead each time I turn to ask, instead someone asks me and I realize I am past the asking, as far as phase is concerned.<br /><br />So as much as I feel very much in the thrall of a second adolescence, instead of being on the receiving end, I am on the giving end of life.<br /><br />A very fast-paced life. I want a pause button to hit. I want to be able to say let's take a breath here. I want to be able to take a big risk and fail.<br /><br />But the thing about after 40 is it's really a space that wants solid ground beneath it. It wants a clear path, with way points. I'm ages past being on my own journey, now I'm a conductor responsible for the well-being of those on my track.<br /><br />I spend each day making a million little decisions, being decisive,&nbsp;figuring&nbsp;out things, being certain. It's a myth, really.<br /><br />I'll tell you the truth -- I watch you and you look pretty certain. You seem to have it figured out. I think you know what you're doing. I bet you don't read the "what you ought to do by now" news articles and mugs and feel like you've let down some major principle of this time of life. You probably hear morality tales about the "what not to do" and feel relieved.<br /><br />Not me.<br /><br />The only thing I am certain of is that I'm uncertain.<br /><br />I've been on a marathon run and I am winded. I want to stop here, take a breath. I want to figure out if I want to keep running, why am I running, do I want to go where I was headed? I want to be uncertain. I want to get some water, maybe a banana, and think on it. I'd like to walk a while.<br /><br />I'm tangled up in time, though, and if I stop it will drag me. So there it is: fear and uncertainty. Fatal flaws at 40 and up.<br /><br />It makes people uncomfortable, these things. I know it does. So I will tuck it into a pocket somewhere and carry on, making decisions. Just in case you are looking at me, though, do not figure I know what I am doing. I'm fairly uncertain and this is who, what, when, where and how I need to be just now.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-39955075364918512462013-01-08T09:45:00.001-06:002013-01-08T09:52:14.444-06:00Sexting + Sex + Slut Shaming = Looming Catastrophe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2013/01/07/facebook_eye_wide-8c8269008a17cc8fc1cd5dff6b6a0a1acf965b78-s4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2013/01/07/facebook_eye_wide-8c8269008a17cc8fc1cd5dff6b6a0a1acf965b78-s4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Last night, my 11 year old daughter and I were running errands and caught this story on NPR, "<a href="http://www.npr.org/2013/01/07/168812354/online-shaming-a-new-level-of-cyberbullying-for-girls" target="_blank">Online 'Shaming' A New Level Of Cyberbullying For Girls.</a>" We listened&nbsp;silently&nbsp; My own internal horror and anger grew with each passing second of the story.<br /><br />This part made the bile raise past the back of my throat:<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">"That's not fair that a guy can actually hide his phone, have sex with you and record you, and then show it to his friends," one girl says.<br />When I was talking to the girl this happened to, she said she didn't know she was being recorded. "I kind of had a feeling that something was wrong, but I didn't want to believe it," she says.<br />At school, she was hoping that it wouldn't be too big of a deal, but even the principal knew about the video. He brought her to his office and called her mom.<br />"I couldn't even look at my mother because I felt hurt and I also felt that I disrespected her," she says. "I didn't want kids in the school to look at my mother and be like, 'Wow, she raised nothing.' "</blockquote><br />Nothing. She is feeling something. And it is that she is nothing.<br /><br />The printed version doesn't include the&nbsp;unrepentant&nbsp;guy who did this to a girl. It made him cool. He got a lot of attention. And that was worth it, okay for him, even though it involved destroying a girl and an arrest.<br /><br />My husband and I are trying to raise empowered, confident daughters. We've been open about bodies and their function. We've increased our talks recently about puberty and being a teen, including developing sexuality.<br /><br />We do not want to raise girls who are afraid of their bodies or their sexuality. We do not want to portray boys -- your boys, your sons -- as predators.<br /><br />But as a woman, as a mom of a girl...I am sorry, but a huge part of my gut, heart and soul thinks maybe I really need to. Because someone's sons, a lot of someone's sons, are predators.<br /><br />Asking young girls to take sexy photos, or secretly taking sexy photos or videos, and sharing those widely is predatory. It is a thousand times worse than locker room talk, though the feeling in the moment is probably the same. But it is a thousand times worse because Rizzo graduated from high school and moved on with her life, whereas a young girl today may walk into an office and find some enterprising male coworker has dug up that photo of her and hung it in the break room.<br /><br />Believe me, I've worked with guys like that.<br /><br />They are someone's sons.<br /><br />I found myself wondering how many moms have tried to set a good example of a woman to respect for their sons. I wondered how many moms told their sons to respect girls. I wondered how many got more specific than that.<br /><br />How many moms of boys specifically looked at their sons and said, "All girls deserve respect. You do not have a right to a girl or her body just because you desire it. You may have a crush on a girl and she may not like you back. That does not make her a bitch. You do not get to take revenge on her. A girl may have had sex with someone. That does not make her a slut or available to anyone else for sex. You may not ask a girl for a sexy photo. You may not secretly photograph or record a girl in a private situation. If a girl does take and share a sexy photo, you may not share it. She does not deserve it. Not at all. If you disrespect a girl, that makes you an ass. It does not make the girl stupid. It makes you an ass. If your friends&nbsp;disrespect&nbsp;a girl and you laugh and make him feel cool, that makes you an ass too. If you hear people slut shaming a girl, you not only do not join in, you call it out as seriously uncool."<br /><br />These are hard conversations to have. We get focused on teaching our kids about themselves. We get focused on teaching them how to have confidence and good esteem...of themselves. We tell them to respect others, but do we really explain, specifically, what that means? Especially in romantic situations?<br /><br />When they are little, we teach them to be kind and share and be nice. We teach them to get along.<br /><br />When they are teens, this may come back to bite them, and us, in a bad way.<br /><br />They want space, especially socially, and we want to respect that. It gets busy. They need us less.<br /><br />GET IN THERE ANYWAY. This story is why.<br /><br />And then the story ended and after a moment of silence my daughter said, "Those girls are so stupid, why did they do that?"<br /><br />And I died inside because as a society, as parents, we have FAILED.<br /><br />Despite trying so hard to help build perspective, she and I and our society still blame the women.<br /><br />I was hyper aware of it because I had been sitting there furious with boys and boy culture that enables bad behavior like this.<br /><br />"The girls are stupid? Oh no, the boys are wrong. W. R.O.N.G wrong," I said to her, forcefully. Then I elaborated.<br /><br />By the time I finished, she understood that she (girls) need to make good choices and sexy photos are not good choices (and are illegal) but the fault lies with the perpetrator: the boy who breached trust, respect and courtesy and the law by sharing a&nbsp;private&nbsp;photo or stealing and sharing a private moment.<br /><br />I took the opportunity to once again emphasize that sex is okay but it is very, very personal and should be with someone you truly love and are deeply involved with, that you've built trust with, in a time in your life when you can make good judgment calls and deal&nbsp;with&nbsp;potential long-term results.<br /><br />I am not trying to raise a Good Girl. I am trying to raise a confident, respectful, self-respecting, and SAFE girl. Sadly, part of her safety involves keeping her safe from boys who are predators.<br /><br />You may be trying to raise a good son...but are you raising a <b><i>gentleman</i></b>?<br /><br />Are you raising a boy who not only won't be a predator but who also will not be a part of the culture that rewards predators who abuse and shame girls?<br /><br />Are you doing it out loud?<br /><br />These are real questions because stories like these terrify me, and there are too many of them. I lived through one myself -- a toxic sexual harassment in the workplace one -- and it killed my career and nearly destroyed me. It was easier to pay off the woman and get rid of her (me) than change the culture and deal with the predatory man.<br /><br />Just like it is easier to keep blaming girls and telling them to be safe than to expect better of boys and change our culture.<br /><br />This is the world my daughter and I live in with your sons:<br /><br />“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.”<br />― Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?<br /><br />What are you doing about it?<br /><br />More to read:<br /><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-angst/201207/the-dangers-teen-sexting" target="_blank">The Dangers of Teen Sexting</a><br /><a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/09/17/161283795/where-theres-sexting-there-may-be-sex" target="_blank">Where There's 'Sexting,' There May Be Sex</a><br /><a href="http://www.npr.org/2013/01/07/168812354/online-shaming-a-new-level-of-cyberbullying-for-girls" target="_blank">Online 'Shaming' A New Level Of Cyberbullying For Girls</a><br /><br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-85138915240140725302013-01-02T12:59:00.004-06:002013-01-02T12:59:51.430-06:00The Gift of Generosity Winner: 25 Ways to Share and Pay it Forward<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-poK9MwdUQG4/UOSDelxT8DI/AAAAAAAAEBk/nQGVTHQHaqg/s1600/IMG_0971.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-poK9MwdUQG4/UOSDelxT8DI/AAAAAAAAEBk/nQGVTHQHaqg/s320/IMG_0971.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Just before the holidays hit in full swing for our family, I spoke openly about our family's slightly disorganized but nevertheless <a href="http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/2012/12/my-familys-reason-for-season.html" target="_blank">genuine and effective approach to teaching our kids generosity</a>.<br /><br />I also offered one winner a $50 <a href="https://www.razoo.com/gift_cards/orders/new" target="_blank">Razoo Gift of Giving card</a> for the charity of choice (generously donated by Razoo). I used <a href="http://random.org/">Random.org</a> to identify (randomly and fairly) the winner, and it is....<a href="http://www.naturallyeducational.com/" target="_blank">Candace</a>!<br /><br />Congratulations, Candace.<br /><br />Candace writes for <a href="http://www.naturallyeducational.com/" target="_blank">Naturally Educational</a>, and she shared these tips for teaching generosity in the comments:<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">I recently posted a list of 25 ways to give with young children. Pretty much any volunteering or giving I do at this point involves my children...because almost everything I do involves my children *LOL*.&nbsp;</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">Every year we...sing/play piano at a home for the elderly, donate toys / stuff stockings, help feed people who are homeless on Thanksgiving, make Valentines for Veterans. Recently we have also, had a beach clean-up with our Daisy troop, organized a food drive and adopted a family affected by the Hurricane with our Daisy troop.&nbsp;</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">Later in the year, the girls will make no-sew blankets and dog biscuits for shelter pets.<br />We also read books about giving and talk about generosity of spirit, like saying something positive, thinking before you speak (is it true, necessary, and kind?), having gratitude, etc.</blockquote>She recently wrote this great post, "<a href="http://www.naturallyeducational.com/2012/11/25-ways-to-volunteer-with-young-children-for-givingtuesday/" target="_blank">25 Ways to Volunteer with Young Children for #GivingTuesday</a>."<br /><br />I loved this list -- it is hard to find ways to include kids in actual volunteering. For safety reasons, most charities cannot include children. But this had great ideas of things kids can and will happily do. I can personally vouch for making ornaments for nursing homes, donating toys, and donate books. I do want to try the "birthday in a box" idea.<br /><br />I really appreciated the other great ideas from<br /><br />Kim, who suggested creating a family charitable effort (dogs in her family's case) based on a shared family love.<br />Nicole B, who shared how her family lets her son help choose where donation dollars go.<br />Teri, who shared how her family gathers around mission trips and community outreach on building and disaster relief.<br />Maggie, who also has a family get-together to choose which charity to donate to.<br />Ellen, who takes her caring and sharing to her neighbors, via cookies and singing.<br /><br />All are such lovely and loving ideas, and I am sure they do bring good models and habits to kids.<br /><br />Thanks everyone!<br /><br />So what did we do? We took Maggie's suggestion of the UN&nbsp;Foundation's&nbsp;Nothing but Nets and split our donation between that and Humane Society. Our family also loves animals, as is evidenced by the photo of the gorgeous rescue cat who adopted our family (up at top).<br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-37828070923416904902012-12-18T21:46:00.001-06:002012-12-19T08:33:09.158-06:00My family's reason for the season<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vLY8kmHOH58/UNEkBDhm7FI/AAAAAAAAD_U/2w7VLMc1C64/s1600/8241726632_e62e927d11_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vLY8kmHOH58/UNEkBDhm7FI/AAAAAAAAD_U/2w7VLMc1C64/s320/8241726632_e62e927d11_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>When I was pregnant with my first, I was all full of how it was Going To Be. We would not be Those Parents, the ones who made it all about the gifts and went overboard. We would not be Those Parents who let Santa bring all the awesome gifts and get all the kudos.<br /><br />Since Christmas came only a few days after my daughter was born,&nbsp;how&nbsp;we'd Do Christmas was at the top of our First Parenting Tasks.<br /><br />And once we had both of our precious bundles of joy...it all went out the window. We just wanted to shower them with things that would make them smile.<br /><br />Eventually though, we realized the love we had for our kids and our desire to bring them joy made it all the more urgent to find a way to ensure other kids who might not get quite the same deluge did get joy for Christmas too. How I loved my kids somehow moved outward and made me want to protect and provide for every child. To know some children <i>needed</i>, hurt.<br /><br />It started when a club I was in adopted a family every Christmas. Their wish lists were generally simple needs. I'd sign up for the ones close to my kids' ages and I'd get the needs (often, clothes) but I'd have to add in a want, too. A little something. Something to make the kid smile.<br /><br />My passion was for helping kids. As my kids grew older, they&nbsp;developed their own passions. Every time something caused us pause -- maybe a little hurt, maybe a little sense of our own blessings, maybe a little of both -- we did not sit in the suffering. We asked, "What can we do to help?" And we checked.<br /><br />We don't wait for Christmas. We take opportunities as they come. Natural disasters? Special circumstance? Who needs what? How can we help? Let's check.<br /><br />Often we concentrate on local needs, but other times we look further. Across the nations. Further. Across the globe. We've given a pig. Adopted a tiger. Donated toys. Sent money to animal shelters. Passed along clothes. Where the heart leads, I suppose, which, I guess, is the way generosity is intended to be.<br /><br />Tonight, <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/12/18/167440130/a-view-from-the-ground-thailand-battles-drug-resistant-malaria" target="_blank">NPR told a story about malaria and developing nations building drug resistance</a>. On the way home from her piano recital, my daughter and I listened.<br /><br />"We have a lot of mosquitos, Mom, why don't we get malaria?" my daughter asked.<br /><br />"That's a good question." I said. We have city budgets to manage mosquito populations, we have prevention measures, closed windows, medicine. We talked about it.<br /><br />"Isn't there anything they can do in Myanmar and Africa?" she asked, listing the place of the news story and the place I mentioned.<br /><br />"Yeah," I said, "Mosquito nets are supposed to help."<br /><br />"Well that's easy," she said, with the confidence of childhood.<br /><br />So probably, this year, our gift will be along the lines of mosquito nets.<br /><br />*********************************************************************************<br /><br />It so happens, my friends from <a href="http://www.razoo.com/" target="_blank">Razoo</a> contacted my recently to ask me how I teach generosity to my kids. Until tonight, I struggled with it. I spent a little time feeling guilty. Okay I spent a lot of time feel guilty and lame.<br /><br />A neighbor helps her kids foster dogs -- that's really admirable and an every day good deed. Another neighbor bakes food regularly for those in need, and brings her kids into the&nbsp;preparation. A friend runs a toy donation drive, the idea of her oldest. Another friend adopts seniors and her daughter runs a seasonal singing event. Yet another friend and her family dish out meals in a shelter. I felt a little...lame. What do <i>we</i> do?<br /><br />But then I realized, we may not be organized and have a habit -- such as a a ritual serving of meals in a shelter or a big donation event -- and that's okay. It's not how we roll. It doesn't mean we don't care or do it wrong. It just means we have our own way, and it may not be that obvious or attached to a particular time of year. It may be slightly&nbsp;disorganized&nbsp;or spur of the moment.<br /><br />It does, though, involved a lot of heart and mind. We open both and learn about different types of needs and different ways we can be Good Citizens in our world.<br /><br />So as I tried to gain inspiration, I browsed Razoo's website. I noticed <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RazooGiving/app_405479432853518" target="_blank">a chance to vote for funds for Humane Society</a>, so I clicked that. Why not!<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Then I read this <a href="http://social.razoo.com/2012/12/holiday-infographic-from-razoo/" target="_blank">great article by John Haydon</a> about how giving is one of the best feelings -- and he even accepted that sometimes, giving isn't that easy. Yet we still try to find a way to be generous.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That's really the deal, right? Find your own way. It may not look like others' ways or be the way most admired or celebrated in DC or Hollywood or&nbsp;something&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But long ago I learned to accept that I had no showy talents, like singing or dancing. It's not as if people clamor to see someone...read a book intently. That's okay. We all have our gifts for a reason.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We share those gifts in our own way. I suppose what I try to teach my kids about generosity is that it comes in many shapes and sizes, and you can let the spirit move you...in your own way and ability.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While&nbsp;I was on the Razoo site anyway, I checked through <a href="http://www.razoo.com/search" target="_blank">donate</a>&nbsp;to look for anything related to helping with malaria. I found quite a few <a href="http://www.razoo.com/search?rg=6%3B55%3B9%3B56%3B10%3B8%3B57&amp;search=1#first=&amp;kw=malaria&amp;orgScope=on&amp;projectScope=on&amp;rg=6%3B55%3B9%3B56%3B10%3B8%3B57&amp;st=&amp;teamScope=on&amp;widgetScope=on" target="_blank">fundraisers to end malaria</a>, so we'll check those out together and choose one.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">*********************************************************************************</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other happy news...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Tell me your generosity teaching or learning moment and guess what? I'll give one of you a $50 <a href="https://www.razoo.com/gift_cards/orders/new" target="_blank">Razoo Gift of Giving card</a> for the charity of your choice (generously donated by Razoo).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Folks who know me might just need to check their stockings. I do love a good gift that does good.&nbsp;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-60383275109678699492012-12-10T22:29:00.001-06:002012-12-10T22:31:50.536-06:00Pumpkin Pie Yogurt Dip--Super Easy Holiday Treat Recipe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qq_Nyz5SSgo/UMa2KSvxkHI/AAAAAAAAD_A/RwANZHrIT8Y/s1600/pumpkin-pie-dip.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qq_Nyz5SSgo/UMa2KSvxkHI/AAAAAAAAD_A/RwANZHrIT8Y/s320/pumpkin-pie-dip.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Image shamelessly borrowed from<a href="http://chobani.com/kitchen/recipes/pumpkin-pie-dip/" target="_blank"> Chobani</a> because they took a better photo than I did and I like that yogurt and they have a fancier recipe. That involves a mixer. I just use a spoon. And I never thought of cream cheese.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>This time of year I feel stuck in molasses. Every little thing seems a monumental effort. I think it is a drowning pool of too many things.<br /><br />I also get asked to make and bring a lot of dishes to events.<br /><br />Ages ago, when my oldest was barely two, and I had first mom duty to bring a "healthy but tasty for toddlers" treat for a school party...I felt stymied.<br /><br />That's when I discovered Pumpkin Pie Yogurt. I think I made it accidentally. Or it flew to top of mind after I heard about it somewhere. Either way, I had all of the&nbsp;ingredients&nbsp;on hand and I test-mixed a batch. Winner winner with both me and the kid!<br /><br />I took it to school and BINGO...not &nbsp;bit leftover.<br /><br />Here's the easy peasy pumpkin squeezy recipe:<br /><ol><li>Mix half a can of pumpkin in about 4-6 ounces of vanilla yogurt (delish with Greek).</li><li>Season with cinnamon and nutmeg to taste. Some recipes suggest pumpkin pie&nbsp;spice&nbsp; I never have that on hand. So I've never used it.</li><li>Serve with&nbsp;graham&nbsp;cracker sticks, gingersnaps, gingerbread, apples...whatever you want to dip!</li></ol>If you want to serve small dishes of it, garnish with granola.<br /><br />It's filling, healthy, low-fat (if you stick to the simple recipe), easy (low stress) and can fulfill that sweet tooth craving, especially this time of year!<br /><br />I wrote this to support the American Cancer Society’s <a href="https://www.facebook.com/createmorebirthdays/app_329126787170916" target="_blank">A Healthier Holiday Table</a>. Here are some more tips from them:<br /><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.75in; margin-right: 0in;"></div><ul><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Maintaining a healthy weight can reduce your risk of many types of cancer. Here are ideas on how to&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/eathealthy/index" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">eat healthy</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;and&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/getactive/index" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">get active</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Did you know that eating lots of fruits and vegetables can help reduce your cancer risk? The American Cancer Society recommends eating at least 2½ cups of vegetables and fruits each day. Here are&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/getactive/index" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">two</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/eathealthy/add-fruits-and-veggies-to-your-diet" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">resources</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;filled with ideas for upping your fruit and vegetable consumption through the day.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Choose whole grains instead of refined grain products. Here are some</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/eathealthy/innovations-in-home-cooking" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">innovative ways</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;to add more vegetables, fruits, and whole grains to your day while watching your refined carbohydrates, sugar, and fat intake.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Limit how much processed meat and red meat you eat. Some studies have linked eating large amounts of processed meat to increased risk of colorectal and stomach cancers.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Drink no more than 1 drink per day for women or 2 per day for men. Alcohol raises the risk of cancers of the mouth, pharynx (throat), larynx (voice box), esophagus, liver, breast, and the colon and rectum.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Stock your kitchen with a variety of foods that you can throw together for healthy meals in a hurry. Keep&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/eathealthy/shopping-list-basic-ingredients-for-a-healthy-kitchen" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">these foods</a></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;on hand for fast meals on busy nights.</span></li><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Did you know that being physically active can reduce your risk of several types of cancer, including breast, colon, endometrial, and prostate?&nbsp; The Society&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">recommends that adults&nbsp;get at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity or 75 minutes of vigorous intensity activity each week (or a combination of these), preferably spread throughout the week. Here are<span style="color: #565454;">&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/healthy/eathealthygetactive/getactive/fitting-in-fitness" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">some tips</a></span><span style="color: #565454; font-size: 11pt;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">to help you fit exercise into your busy schedule.</span></li></ul><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-55689922845153319632012-11-13T08:30:00.000-06:002012-11-13T08:30:02.612-06:00Value Kids Over Cuts: Why Head Start is Crucial<blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z7Ke4EiCCxQ/UKG5QuM6M8I/AAAAAAAAD-s/5UwP1sHHBRo/s1600/two_children_reading.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z7Ke4EiCCxQ/UKG5QuM6M8I/AAAAAAAAD-s/5UwP1sHHBRo/s320/two_children_reading.png" width="320" /></a></div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">&nbsp;<i>“Over the next few months, Congress will be faced with tough decisions. <b>Deep, across-the-board cuts to education and domestic programs loom.</b>”</i></blockquote>True story. <br /><blockquote><i>“Cuts will dramatically cost America’s children: across-the-board cuts could mean nearly <b>$5 billion in education cuts</b>. The cuts have real consequences: Fewer services for more than 9 million public school students and <b>job losses for 80,000 Americans</b>.”</i>&nbsp;</blockquote><br />Whoa.<br /><br />Head Start programs are often first on the chopping block, generally cited as an unnecessary indulgence.<br /><br />Oy. What a misunderstanding of Head Start--who and how it helps.<br /><br />Take <a href="http://morrisoninstitute.asu.edu/publications-reports/PhxEHS_12FamilyStories-FinalChapter/view">19 year old single mom Rosalie and her daughter</a> in Phoenix.<br /><br />Rosalie learned how to supportively parent her daughter, access preventive medical care, graduate high school, and get a job. Her daughter got the best beginning and Rosalie got herself and her daughter into a better position.<br /><br />But now, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/27/us/head-start-fears-impact-of-potential-budget-cuts.html?pagewanted=all&amp;_r=0">according to the New York Times</a>, “Tens of thousands of young children from low-income families could be dropped from Head Start programs if Congress cannot find a way to prevent automatic cuts to the federal budget in 2013.”<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><ul><li>Nearly 1 in 4 Texas kids live in poverty.&nbsp;</li></ul><ul><li>Texas ranks 42nd on per student spending.&nbsp;</li></ul><ul><li>60% of kids in Texas have two parents in the workforce.&nbsp;</li></ul><ul><li>14% of 3-year-olds and 57% of 4-year-olds are enrolled in state pre-k, Head Start, or special education programs.&nbsp;</li></ul></blockquote><br />(Source: <a href="http://www.childrensdefense.org/.../2012-texas-children-in-the-states.pdf">Children’s Defense Fund</a>.)<br /><br />It’s really important to understand -- truly -- what Head Start offers and why these cuts would be bad in the short and long term.<br /><br /><h4><b>What is Head Start?</b>&nbsp;</h4><br />From <a href="http://whsaonline.org/about-head-start/why-is-head-start-important/">Wisconsin Head Start Association</a>:&nbsp;“Head Start, a comprehensive early childhood education and holistic development program for children prenatal to five years and their families. . .uses evidence-based best practices and partners with community-based organizations to help remove child and family barriers to success. No other provider of early childhood services. . .provides the depth, breadth, and scope of services that Head Start does.”<br /><br />These services include: child rearing, job training, learning about health and nutrition, and more (from “<a href="http://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/hslc/tta-system/family/For%20Parents/Inside%20Head%20Start/Frequently%20Asked%20Questions%20(FAQs)/WhatCanHead.htm">What Can Head Start Offer Your Family?</a>”)<br /><br />And for those of you who worry about “takers,” the program is intended to build independence. To steal a quote, it’s a hand up, not a hand-out.<br /><br />Most importantly, it works. Head Start kids achieve better in school, are absent less, are more likely to graduate, and the families have increased earnings, employment, and family stability, and decreased welfare dependency, crime costs, grade repetition, and special education. (Source: <a href="http://www.nhsa.org/research/research_bites">NHSA</a>.)<br /><br /><h4><b>Why Head Start early intervention is so important</b></h4><br />WestEd’s For Our Babies is one of the foremost advocacy programs for early childhood programs--lead by <a href="http://www.zerotothree.org/about-us/board-staff/j-ronald-lally-bio.html">Dr. Ronald Lally</a>, an international expert on the effect of early intervention. He says:<br /><br />“The human brain grows to 85% of its adult size between conception and age 3.” Early years are so, so very important and all kids deserve the best chance at a good beginning.<br /><br />Without mincing words, <a href="http://forourbabies.org/wp/our-mission/">For Our Babies states in its mission</a>, “A focus on ensuring healthy development during this timeframe will pay dividends throughout life. Delayed, damaged, or insufficient development is very difficult and expensive to correct later in life. If we ignore the earliest years, we do so to the detriment of our children, families, communities, and nation.”<br /><br />That’s it point blank: programs that benefit kids and their families in early childhood have crucial and long-lasting benefits for the kids, their families, their communities and our nation.<br /><br />But we’re in a budget crisis.<br /><br /><h4>So why does Head Start deserve funding in a budget and deficit crisis?</h4><br />Everyone says we have to tighten our belts and everyone is going to have to sacrifice. But we can’t sacrifice our kids and future. That’s penny wise and pound foolish.<br /><br />I don’t buy every man for himself, especially when it comes to kids.<br /><br /><a href="http://forourbabies.org/wp/2012/11/12/the-bottom-line/">Julie Weatherston at For Our Babies</a> wrote:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">“Pediatrician T.Berry Brazelton, in a recent Huffington Post blog The Bottom Line, reminds us that children must be a priority in post-election spending decisions. Unless Congress acts to come up with an alternate way to achieve the needed $1.2 trillion in savings, across-the-board budget cuts will take effect on Jan. 2, 2013. Dr. Brazelton argues that in order to provide the best we can for America’s children (22% of whom already live in poverty) we must continue to invest in them from the ground up, not cut crucial programs that do just that.”</blockquote><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/t-berry-brazelton-md/the-bottom-line_1_b_2009703.html">Dr. Brazelton’s&nbsp;points</a> struck at the heart of why Head Start is so important to all of us:<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">Children make up 24% of the U.S. population.&nbsp;How our nation treats its children reflects our societal values. Children can't vote. They depend on us -- parents, grandparents, pediatricians, teachers, and other child health advocates and professionals, to do right by them, stand up for them, and advocate for what they need to grow and prosper.</blockquote>Dr. Brazelton pointed me to the <a href="http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/federal-advocacy/Pages/Federal-Budget-Cuts-Affect-Children.aspx?nfstatus=401&amp;nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&amp;nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token">American Academy of Pediatrics, who partnered with other organizations dedicated to the well-being of children and families, to urge Congress to</a><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">“. . .pursue a balanced approach to deficit reduction that does not disproportionately hurt children. As part of this advocacy push, the AAP has partnered with maternal and child health groups to collectively voice concern with the adverse effects of sequestration on vulnerable populations, worked with other public health organizations to draw attention to the damaging impacts sequestration will have on the health and well-being of children and families. . .”</blockquote>It seems that all the experts are in agreement: we MUST value kids over cuts.<br /><br />Please voice that to your elected officials. Your school board. Your friends and neighbors.<br /><br />Here are a few other simple things you can do to help value kids over cuts:<br /><br />1. Please <a href="http://edvotes.org/KidsNotCuts">take the #kidsnotcuts pledge</a>.<br /><br />2. Join our <a href="http://bit.ly/YLmBzM">podcast discussing kids not cuts</a> on Tues, Nov 13, 2012, 10 am PT/ 1 pm ET to hear more information from experts.<br /><br />3. Follow our Twitter party on Thursday, Nov 15, 10 am PT, hashtag #kidsnotcuts. Along with expert Lily Eskelsen from the NEA, join me, NYC-based education activist Leoni Haimson, teacher and Babble contributor Kelly Mochamomma Wickham, and Twitter party host Cynthia Liu of K12 News Network. Our expert Lily will be able to answer any of your questions or provide you more resources to see how the proposed cuts could affect kids you know, in your town or city.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-4460135104874068602012-10-24T08:50:00.000-05:002012-10-24T10:48:42.653-05:00The kindness of strangers...can mean the world<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pi4TOKwhEqE/UIfxEMNELRI/AAAAAAAAD-c/pQ1Dq0TdZ6Y/s1600/Kindness.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pi4TOKwhEqE/UIfxEMNELRI/AAAAAAAAD-c/pQ1Dq0TdZ6Y/s320/Kindness.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>2012 has chosen its theme: The Year of Misplaced Trust.<br /><br />In large part, this is being let down by folks I trusted to care for my kids. Yesterday was another example of this. Persistence has been struggling with hearing issues, and all that stems from that, due to consistently congested ears. Nothing we've done has helped. We started seeing specialists about this early in the year, but we really amped up our efforts this fall. It's been a rough go, involving a lot of tests, poking, prodding, and constantly disrupted lives with doctor visits. She's worn out with it all. And it's a lot of hard and complex stuff for a little kid to process. She's being a champ about it, of course, because if ever a kid had a heart for putting her head down and plowing through, she's that kid.<br /><br />But she's ready for it to be finished. She's ready to have it fixed. And she's ready to launch into catching up on all she's missed and gotten&nbsp;behind&nbsp;on because her hearing has been impaired.<br /><br />I want that for her 100%. Maybe 200%.<br /><br />You know how it feels to be a parent and love this little person bigger than your body can hold. You feel a sort of glorious despair because you know your own human failings, which include not being able to hand her the moon and make everything okay all the time, even if you know neither of these things would be good for her.<br /><br />Yesterday was the day the doctor's office was supposed to take Step 1 to fixing it. Instead, they not only didn't fix anything, but they were pretty dreadful health care providers who treated my daughter...well, as if she were an&nbsp;inconvenience&nbsp;to their day and basically ignored her as if she wasn't there.<br /><br />Not one person in the ENT's office even spoke to her. They spoke to me about her, over her head. My repeated gentle suggestions to "Ask her." went largely unheeded. They were just...unavailable. I could go in to detail but that's not the point. They interacted more with their machines than with us.<br /><br />Worst of all, the PA who saw us, because the doctor is never available, dropped the Surgery Bomb absolutely heartlessly and then...left. My daughter freaked out. As anyone would.<br /><br />I did what I could to reassure her, but, not being a surgeon myself, I wasn't really able to explain how the surgery would work or what it would be like or how they did it.<br /><br />After a little Conversation in which I shared our Extreme Disappointment in the treatment, Persistence and I headed to the hospital for yet another tests: an X-Ray.<br /><br />By now Persistence was getting hungry, so I rooted around in my purse and came up with four quarters. She happily put in the money, pushed the buttons for her selection and waited for her Sun Chips to fall. Except, they got stuck, right on the ledge over the opening. Nothing I did dislodged them.<br /><br />Persistence and I -- who had held ourselves together through a lot already -- found this kind of the last straw. She began whining and I got sharp.<br /><br />Another mom in the lobby walked over to us.<br /><br />And do you know what she did?<br /><br />In the very nicest voice she said, "What's wrong?"<br /><br />Persistence explained the machine would not give her the chips.<br /><br />"Let me see what I can do to help," she said. And she did. She tried this and that. Eventually, she pulled out her own money, bought another item, and managed to get both down.<br /><br />Persistence pumped her fist in the air and shouted with exultation. The other mom smiled.<br /><br />My eyes filled and I mumbled a thanks through the lump in my throat.<br /><br />"No big deal," she said, "You seemed like you needed help."<br /><br />And just like that. Just like that. She saw us. She heard us. She was <b>there</b>. There when we needed her. For 2 minutes and $1.25 she saved us.<br /><br />Everything&nbsp;felt inadequate, every word too weightless, every explanation too weighty.<br /><br />"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this," I said, "Thank you."<br /><br />"You're welcome," she told me. She returned to her family. She was not in a better position. She was at the hospital for her child, same as me. She did not have some major privilege. She had a heart and she shared it.<br /><br />Wherever she is, whoever she is, I sincerely hope someone does the same for her when she needs it.<br /><br />I know this is a natural end point of the story but I have to go on. Because there is another Good Samaritan. Two more, actually.<br /><br />Shortly after the Save the Chips situation, we got called back. I hesitated...Helpful Mom had been there first. The man called our name again and I said to Persistence, "That's us." But we still did not get up. Helpful Mom said, "You know, we've been waiting here...is there a reason we haven't been called?"<br /><br />I braced myself. All day at the ENT we'd hit the big Not My Problem I Don't Care Wall. I waited for the man to tell them to just be patient. I waited for him to not care. I waited for him to make them feel Unimportant. As we had all day.<br /><br />But this man stopped short, "You have? I'm so sorry, how frustrating for you. Oh no, let me go check..." and he came back again full of apologies and said they'd help the family right away.<br /><br />Helpful Mom turned to me to and apologized, "I'm sorry to take your spot..."<br /><br />"Oh no, no worries," I said, "You were here first. I wondered why we got called before you."<br /><br />We smiled and they headed back.<br /><br />Within a couple of minutes, we got called back. It was the same sweet young woman we'd met before. She's very gentle and sweet, and great with kids. She chattered calmly and cheerfully with Persistence all the way back to the exam room. She explained the entire process. She made Persistence feel like a person, one she cared about. Afterwards, she let Persistence come back and see the X-ray. She pointed out the parts of Persistence's body, naming bones. Persistence LOVED it. She felt big and important, and cool beans, she got to see inside of herself!<br /><br />"I'm a skeleton," she giggled to me, "I'm a secret Halloween skeleton!"<br /><br />As we left the&nbsp;hospital&nbsp;I asked Persistence if she wanted ice cream. She said she preferred a snow cone.<br /><br />On we went to our favorite Hawaiian Shaved Ice Place, the SnoBall Hut. The young lady who we saw so often there during the summer was there again. She was sitting at a table studying.<br /><br />I braced myself. We'd been treated too often that day as Unwelcome Interruptions to Better Things People Had to Do.<br /><br />Instead she stood, and said in a happy to see us voice, "Oh hello!"<br /><br />She welcomed us, gave us a beautiful smile, and chatted happily with us both. She fixed Persistence's snow cone. As she prepared to hand it over, my eyes lighted on a selection of sour flavors, "Hey look&nbsp;Persistence,&nbsp;they have sour cherry, let's remember that for next time!"<br /><br />Looking at Persistence, the kind young woman asked, "Do you like sour flavors?"<br /><br />"They're my <i>favorite</i>!" she said.<br /><br />"Well why don't we add a dash of sour to the top!" the young woman said.<br /><br />Persistence hopped on her toes with excitement. She rewarded the young woman with an exuberant, "YUM!" and beaming smile.<br /><br />Maybe this sounds very ordinary. Maybe it is almost a dull story. Went to rude doctor's office, went to hospital, lady helped with chips, service lady gave service with smile.<br /><br />But truthfully, it's become extraordinary. It is extraordinary.<br /><br />In a day where those I trusted to help us, failed, it also provided a stark contrast and reminder of how kind and helpful health care professionals can be...when they do their jobs right, with heart.<br /><br />It was a hard day, it's been a rough road lately. But at the end of the day, I felt lucky...lucky to have some people who helped, who gave a&nbsp;smile, who were kind. It fixed it.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-48425612821314466142012-10-02T14:02:00.000-05:002012-10-02T14:02:16.197-05:00How to be a smarter (and more cost-effective, less stressed) patient<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HyJlvCmsguU/UGst0Q3MJ3I/AAAAAAAAD98/qFciMgBByeM/s1600/healthy+health+and+sick+remedies.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HyJlvCmsguU/UGst0Q3MJ3I/AAAAAAAAD98/qFciMgBByeM/s320/healthy+health+and+sick+remedies.jpeg" width="210" /></a></div>One thing we like to rail about is the high cost of health care -- and justly so. On the one hand, I don't mind paying doctors for their specialty (who wants to be the guy who says, "hey I want the cheapest doctor! who cares about credentials!") or drug companies for the healing medications they spend years and millions developing. On the other hand, sometimes I think we just aren't smart enough about our health care.<br /><b><span style="color: #b45f06;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">Sometimes I think we are too fast to accept health care exactly as dispensed and too slow to consider ways to make it work better for us (our bodies and our wallets).</span></b><br /><br />Let me share a short anecdote and a few things I learned this week about being smarter with health care, choices we have that we may not know about and how to get doctors and pharmacists on board. <b><span style="color: #274e13;">In short, let me tell you about being an empowered patient who takes charge of our own health and wellness.</span></b><br /><br />It all started last Wednesday when the pediatrician leaned back from my daughter and said, "Those are some dense, crackly lungs...we're going to try an inhaler, but you better be prepared to head to the hospital for an X-ray." And it just went downhill from there. Then the school nurse called about a problem with my younger daughter and within a couple of days we were at the specialist for her. Next my older daughter had a major reaction to the antibiotic and we had to change classes.<br /><br />I bought half a dozen medications for my kids in less than four days. <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>If we had gone with the original plan (prescribed treatment and medication) it would have more or less cost the equivalent of my mortgage, and that's not counting the office visits.</b> </span>We would manage to meet our $5000.00 deductible in a week.<br /><br />You have that much spare change laying around? Me neither.<br /><br /><b>1. My pediatrician does it right: ask your doctor what she has on hand for you.</b><br />A big difference between my pediatrician and our specialist is that our pediatrician always checks for coupons, rebates and samples. I deeply appreciate that she is&nbsp;conscientious&nbsp;of our bottom line. When my daughter was diagnosed with seasonal allergies, our pediatrician gave us samples. We were able,&nbsp;without&nbsp;spending a fortune, to figure out which antihistamine most helped her. Other times she has provided rebate and coupons. If your pediatrician doesn't offer, ask.<br /><br /><b>2. When getting a prescription, ask questions. Find the right medications for you. Ditto for any treatment.</b><br />Why this prescription? How much does it cost? Does my insurance cover it? Is it easily available? Are there alternatives in this same class that are equally efficacious? Is a generic acceptable?<br /><br />It may seem overwhelming, but your doctor's office or local pharmacy can help and, having done this, I can say it takes less time than you think. The antibiotic the specialist prescribed was (a) hard to find -- I had to call 7 pharmacies to find one that carried it, and (b) explained why that was: it cost over $800 so few doctors prescribed it or patients took it.<br /><br />That's why I include the next tip.<br /><br /><b>3. Ask your pharmacist.</b><br />Most local pharmacies have a consultation window. Use it. You may encounter a surly, unhelpful, rushed or&nbsp;uncommunicative&nbsp;pharmacist. <b><span style="color: #274e13;">All pharmacies and pharmacists are not created equally. </span></b>Change pharmacies if you can to get a pharmacist who will help you and be a partner in your wellness.<br /><br />You're going to cite insurance, time, convenience and a bunch of other obstacles to this if you're like me. Bah humbug to all of that. Most of us have at least a couple of convenient pharmacies and it is well worth the potentially extra few minutes to get a great pharmacist. I changed pharmacies yesterday for this reason. Why?<br /><br /><ul><li>The first six I called just&nbsp;said&nbsp;regretfully they couldn't help me. When service providers imply "not my problem, can't help you" they are not a fit for me.</li><li>The seventh pharmacy also said they did not have my drug in stock but they said it like, "No, and..." so I listened.</li><li>That Walgreens&nbsp;pharmacist said she had a different dose and would call the doctor to see if they would alter the prescription. This was beneficial because it meant a smaller amount for my child to take at once&nbsp;and a solution to my problem, plus the bonus of both prescriptions at one pharmacy (versus my near capitulation to splitting them across town). So be aware you can tweak prescriptions, too. So ask.</li></ul><br />When I arrived to pick up my prescription, and nearly fainted from shock, the pharmacist began talking to me about alternatives.<br /><br /><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">NOTE: Pharmacies are very good in my experience of being open about cost, so I strongly advise calling the&nbsp;pharmacy&nbsp;before walking away with a doctor's prescription to get an idea of both availability and expense.</span></b><br /><br />The pharmacist asked for my daughter's diagnosis and, using that and the prescribed antibiotic, suggested four alternative drugs that were less than $50 for me. We called the doctor's office and were prescribed one of those four.<br /><br />That leads me to my next tip.<br /><br /><b>4. Be an empowered patient and keep your own health records.</b><br />I had to deal with a lot of diagnoses, information, tests, test results, prescriptions and more. I had to carry information from one health care provider to another.<br /><br />The more information I provide to one doctor from another, the less redundancy and the more targeted care can be.<br /><br />I shared the nurse's screening to the specialist and the physician's assistant and back to the nurse. It was invaluable to be able to have all the information I needed at my fingertips. I could answer every question put to me. How? I recently downloaded and started using an app called <a href="http://cognovant.com/" target="_blank">PocketHealth</a>.<br /><br />This app lets me input my own and my family's health records. I started using it after I started working on the account--so I will be forthcoming about that. But I have truly come to appreciate it. Especially in the last week.<br /><br />Once I started using it, it prompted me (umm, not literally, just mentally) to start asking for copies of tests, results, etc. I do need to input that information, but it's worth it to be able to track, manage, review and share the health information.<br /><br />I&nbsp;tend&nbsp;to overwhelm myself and think I need to start at the very beginning. In this case, I started in the middle. I'd been filling in the same health forms about four times before I wised up and realized I could input and re-use. So, my records start now and I can fill in as need be. I find time while waiting at kid events, for example.<br /><br />Most of all, I can save money by not having to repeat the tests and save health (or life) by including important information such as my daughter's reaction to the antibiotic so we never get that one again (and don't they all sound alike). I can stop feeling guilty because I don't know the answers for what and when for our health care, quit feeling stressed&nbsp;about&nbsp;filling out forms or racing hither and yon to fetch records because I can't find them.<br /><br /><b>In conclusion...</b><br /><br />I was frustrated that my doctor prescribed hard to find and overly expensive drugs. I was frustrated that they didn't know or care what hardship this would create for me. I felt guilty that money played a factor in health care for my children. I felt angry, too. I felt stressed and overwhelmed by the number of health hardships we faced all at once. I felt a little at sea with it all. However with the help of some good health care providers and technology, I found ways to solve problems and overcome that helpless feeling.<span style="color: #b45f06;"> I found the way to be an empowered patient getting both the care I needed at prices I could afford.</span>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-6823336506630542872012-08-16T12:13:00.002-05:002012-08-16T13:00:56.808-05:00How my kids learned to earn (and value $$$)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o1k2yLJEgaA/UC0kLPsVhOI/AAAAAAAAD8k/9xViUtNEGNc/s1600/piles-of-money.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o1k2yLJEgaA/UC0kLPsVhOI/AAAAAAAAD8k/9xViUtNEGNc/s320/piles-of-money.jpeg" width="239" /></a></div>This summer I tried something new. I drew a harder line than I ever have before for purchases for my kids. Their, "I want I want I want..." mantra had been getting out of control and no was not the best, long-term solution. Now that they are 7 and 10, it seemed about time for them to get an allowance.<br /><br />But...how did we handle doling out an allowance?<br /><br />Handing out money to them each week simply for being did not feel right to us. We think it is important to learn how to earn. Also, I am a big believer in <a href="http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/2008/05/whatever-is-not-actual-salary-and-it.html" target="_blank">kids learning the value of their work and how to negotiate and discuss money</a>.<br /><br />Tying money to their chores also did not feel right. We believe strongly that each member of the family has an important role and tasks that contribute towards making our home and family run well. Since they were very young, we expected our kids to do certain chores as members of the family. It started simply with picking up toys. Our&nbsp;expectations&nbsp;grew as the&nbsp;children&nbsp;grew. They must fold and put away their laundry, clean up their dishes, care for the pets, gather their trash on trash day, and so forth. In short, we expect them to take care of their own "household footprint" as is appropriate for their ages.<br /><br />Still, I wanted them to learn to earn and to value a dollar and understand the cost of things, the real cost, when it comes out of your little stash of cash.<br /><br />Prior to this, we'd provided everything they needed and a lot of what they wanted (within reason). So they perceived that money was something endless that came from mom and dad's bottomless wallets. Except money in our family is finite and our wallets are actually shallow. Having grown up with constant money worries, though, I didn't want my kids to be concerned. So we were sometimes indulgent, and often creative.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-alqlSwZcAoE/UC0ndlhaIyI/AAAAAAAAD80/YQZ7DvBbXWM/s1600/ID-10087524.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-alqlSwZcAoE/UC0ndlhaIyI/AAAAAAAAD80/YQZ7DvBbXWM/s320/ID-10087524.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image provided by:&nbsp;FreeDigitalPhotos.net</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>It started with The List. They'd see something (or many things) in stores that they wanted. Usually, it was a passing fancy, an impulse, and not&nbsp;something&nbsp;I wanted to add to our house. The answer no could work, but after a while that didn't feel like the right response all the time either. So I established The Wish List. At first, I kept a piece of paper in my purse, one side for each child. If they really liked something, we'd consider adding it to the list.<br /><br />The list comprised all the ideas for gifts when family and friends inevitably asked, "What do they want?" for birthday or Christmas. It was pretty handy. It gave them a sense of choice, eliminated "no" tantrums, and served a function. Plus, the list was&nbsp;rewarding&nbsp;because...they did end up getting gifts from it that they wanted.<br /><br />The thing about the list, though, was the more that was on it, the less chance you had of getting what you liked most of all. A $2 doll at the doll store looks cheap and fun in the moment, but what if someone gets that and another cheap toy instead of the $7 doll outfit that fit the American Girl doll?<br /><br />The list never got as long as you might imagine --&nbsp;considering&nbsp;kids usually see 50+ things they "want" every time you go anywhere, see a commercial, or get a catalog in the mail.<br /><br />Later, though, the cheap toys and junk was too young to appeal to them, and they specialized in things they liked, such as American Girl and Lego. The catalogs for those toys were more appealing, as were a couple of other lines. They'd circle items in catalogs, thrilling the grandparents.<br /><br />The list? Was moot.<br /><br />It set a valuable precedent though, and so I had little trouble in establishing the earn-n-spend system. And the kids had little trouble in comprehending it.<br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uguwMytp4KE/UC0oCz5GyEI/AAAAAAAAD88/N1zJz9-oWio/s1600/rollofmoney.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uguwMytp4KE/UC0oCz5GyEI/AAAAAAAAD88/N1zJz9-oWio/s320/rollofmoney.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roll Of Money by Anna Langova</td></tr></tbody></table>This summer I decided to give it a go. My husband and I are extra busy in the summer, so more help around the house is welcome. I'd stop buying them stuff. I'd expect them to use their own money. And I decided that for the kids to get money, I'd try offering to pay them to do chores above and beyond their normal chore responsibilities.<br /><br />But.<br /><br />There were strict parameters.<br /><br /><ul><li>We'd negotiate a fair rate for each chore, chore by chore.</li><li>They had to track the date, chore done, and amount on a piece of paper invoice-style.</li><li>I'd offer chances, but the work had to get done, get done well, and in a timely way.</li><li>They had to show initiative and ask or propose work.</li><li>They could not begin demanding money for their regular responsibilities.</li><li>I recommended that they set a goal, have&nbsp;something&nbsp;specific to work towards to stay motivated.</li></ul><br />This sure had the potential to teach a lot of lessons: how to negotiate, how to value work, how to track your earnings, how to bill, how to save, how to choose to spend, initiative, writing, math, diligence, and so on.<br /><br />We outlined the opportunity to the kids, who signed up eagerly.<br /><br />The 7 year old is a work in progress on this. She's earned some, but isn't yet 100% at the living it fully place. She does grasp the concept. She has an invoice, has some cash stashed in her bank, sometimes asks for work, sometimes takes work, but...work in progress.&nbsp;The key lessons are there with her, though. In the store, she wanted a $2 place mat, "It's only $2!" she pleaded. "Okay," I said, "You have enough cash to buy it. Is that how you want to spend your money? Or do you want to keep saving for the dolls?" She opted to keep saving. On another occasion, she started to ask for&nbsp;something&nbsp;but cut herself off, explaining, "It's a want, not a need, and I don't want to spend on it right now, or ask you to."<br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BoW364OSSBE/UC0o2IuaOFI/AAAAAAAAD9E/d_Xt1NaRG5A/s1600/joy-decoration.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BoW364OSSBE/UC0o2IuaOFI/AAAAAAAAD9E/d_Xt1NaRG5A/s320/joy-decoration.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joy Decoration by Petr Kratochvil</td></tr></tbody></table>I may have indulged in a brief daydream sequence of a happy dance with confetti blowing around me.<br /><br />The 10 year old took to it like a champ. She identified a toy she wanted desperately. It cost $108. However, you had to order it through the Internet, so we discussed projected shipping and tax, then went through the process of starting an order to make sure of the final amount. She needed to earn about $125.<br /><br />We discussed average amounts for chores, from about $1-$5 max. We looked at how much she'd need to earn per day to have enough by the end of the summer to get the toy. She had her goal, and she worked out a plan. She set up her invoice page, including adding a column for running total so she could see her progress.<br /><br />I definitely indulged in a long daydream sequence of happy dance, with peppy song and confetti.<br /><br />Since June, that child has worked diligently. She's taken on tough tasks such as sweeping the drive and sidewalk after the weekly mowing. She's taken on yucky tasks such as scooping the yard of pet poop before the weekly mowing. She's taken out garbage and recycling, sorted recycling, emptied dishwashers, swept floors, vacuumed, dusted, and more.<br /><br />About half way through, she got discouraged. "This is so hard, I'll never get there, I'm tired..." and so on. We sat down and calculated how far she'd come, how much to go, what she needed to do to get there, how she could maybe earn a big chunk to feel a big progress, and...she dug back in and kept going. A&nbsp;couple&nbsp;of times she'd be tempted by&nbsp;something&nbsp;in a store and we'd have the "weighing pros and cons" talk and she'd decide. Each time she decided to skip the tempting item and keep saving for her treasured toy.<br /><br />One day she ran down the stairs, clutching a piece of paper, yelling happily, "I DID IT! I DID IT! I EARNED ENOUGH!!"<br /><br />That day we sat down and ordered her toy. She handed me her invoice, I handed her the full payment, she marked her invoice PAID, then handed the money back to me and I ordered the toy with my credit card. I know it would have been satisfying to hand cash to a clerk but this seemed to work for her.<br /><br />Then we waited. Seven to ten business days. Because, even though she wanted it right away, it wasn't worth the extra work and wait to earn the overnight shipping.<br /><br />This week the toy arrived. She is delighted.<br /><br />"It means so much more because I EARNED IT," she told me.<br /><br />And so it does.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IEjzVA5xaBQ/UC0ptLHFu6I/AAAAAAAAD9M/KVJx1DiD1oc/s1600/thumbsup.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IEjzVA5xaBQ/UC0ptLHFu6I/AAAAAAAAD9M/KVJx1DiD1oc/s320/thumbsup.jpeg" width="213" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thumbs Up by Petr Kratochvil</td></tr></tbody></table>Like her sister, also, she has become wiser about spending. On our recent vacation, I gave them, as usual, a souvenir budget. Her 7 year old sister spent smartly, finding a deal and buying two things on sale. But spend she did, and quickly. She doesn't regret it, but later, there was a sad moment because she saw another thing she liked. Ultimately, though, she decided she still liked her purchases best. My 10 year old, though, was patient. She waited until the end of the trip, measuring and evaluating each thing for its worthiness. In the end, she decided to go to a nursery and buy a plant. She found the one she wanted, under budget. She wanted&nbsp;something&nbsp;that grew and lasted, not another thing to add to her room. Another thing to tidy. And she didn't spend every dime. "I just want to find&nbsp;something&nbsp;worthwhile," she said, "And luckily it costs less! So we can save the rest."<br /><br />I'd end there, happily.<br /><br />But the real ending comes only yesterday, when, while out, I saw something tempting, on sale.<br /><br />"Oh Mom," said my 10 year old, "Do we really need that?"<br /><br />"Yeah Mom," echoed my seven year old, "Or&nbsp;would&nbsp;you rather save that money for&nbsp;something&nbsp;more important?"<br /><br />And there you go.<br /><br />My kids have learned (will continue&nbsp;to&nbsp;learn) how to earn, how to save, how to spend in a smart way, and the value of a dollar.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-19852179322776343782012-08-15T14:08:00.000-05:002012-08-15T14:17:47.486-05:00It may be an odd life, but it's ours: Why you MUST see The Odd Life of Timothy Green<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">They stood in the kitchen arguing about the child and What To Do. A couple, loving and supportive of each other, rarely fighting, but now, in barely suppressed yells, they had a serious go at one another's parenting choices.</div><br />The child in question was upstairs (or so they thought) and he was their miracle. The longed for, finally gotten child. Exactly what they had always wished for.<br /><br />Except what they were learning is that even when you get exactly what you wish for, it doesn't mean things turn out how you want. Or thought you wanted.<br /><br />When the child appeared in the doorway and shouted, "Stop fighting!" They stopped. But they had been winding down anyway, realizing that they were arguing with fate or circumstance or&nbsp;something&nbsp;like it rather than each other.<br /><br />The couple is Jim and Cindy Green, and the child is Timothy Green. They are the lead characters in the new movie, releasing today, <i><a href="http://disney.go.com/the-odd-life-of-timothy-green/index.html" target="_blank">The Odd Life of Timothy Green</a></i>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LK0hOxWRSx4/UCvxvjbeWhI/AAAAAAAAD78/P1Xsk7JV60c/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+1.59.45+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LK0hOxWRSx4/UCvxvjbeWhI/AAAAAAAAD78/P1Xsk7JV60c/s320/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+1.59.45+PM.png" width="225" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">The unbearable lightness of being a parent:&nbsp;</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>thrilled pride,&nbsp;</i></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i></i></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><i>jangling nerves.&nbsp;</i></i></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i></i><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Absolute faith.&nbsp;</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Then absolute panic.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Then joy.</i></div></i><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And so on.</i></div></i></span><br /><br />And I loved that scene. I loved it because it was harsh, imperfect&nbsp;and&nbsp;real. I loved that scene like I loved the entire movie because the movie -- despite the metaphorical and implausible plot of a child growing in a garden under a cabbage leaf -- and its story and characters were more real than any movie I've seen in a long, long time.<br /><br />Magical realism. In its ideal form.<br /><br />You've likely seen the trailers and advertisements for&nbsp;this&nbsp;film. If you have, you get the start of it. A childless couple at the end of their infertility road decides to have a big sendoff to the idea of "their kid." They write down every trait they wish their kid would have. They bury it in their vegetable patch. Then, miraculously, that exact child appears, and he is even named Timothy, the only boy name on their list.<br /><br />I bet you think that next it is one big Disney happily ever after trip. You'd be so, so wrong.<br /><br />What's next is one big unexpected, yet real trip through so many emotions, situations, and family dynamics that any type of person will find at least one Moment in this movie. I found a lot. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r5Pbct1EOkQ/UCvyHoiWIHI/AAAAAAAAD8E/ADXuXhJk9MU/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.01.19+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r5Pbct1EOkQ/UCvyHoiWIHI/AAAAAAAAD8E/ADXuXhJk9MU/s320/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.01.19+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">It looks very pretty, but it's complicated.</span></i></div><br />The movie delivered one of the truest, most honest and heartfelt sense of&nbsp;infertility, parenthood, marriage, leftover childhood baggage, dysfunctional social dynamics, job and financial worries, marital strife, and...well, the human condition that I absolutely fell in love with it. I fell in love with <i>The Odd Life of Timothy Green</i>. The story it told. Why we keep our heads up. Why we keep going in the face of adversity. How we find things we lost, like ourselves. How nothing is ever perfect, how nobody is ever perfect, but how we find beauty and merit in them anyway. Sometimes. Sometimes? We just don't.<br /><br />Maybe it's just the right movie in the right moment for me. But I honestly think it is technically an excellent film:<br /><br /><ul><li>the cinematography is gorgeous and creates the scene as the other character in the movie</li><li>it's brilliantly cast by actors who are genuine and talented</li><li>the plot is beautifully done with just enough heartwarming to balance out the challenges</li><li>it doesn't hold your hand nor does it patronize you,&nbsp;especially&nbsp;not by smoothing out all the rough edges until you get a totally flat film</li><li>there is no conniving or easy stereotypes, yet it remains sightly&nbsp;unpredictable&nbsp;in a realistic way</li><li>it's tight and triple fudge thick in spots so that 20 seconds gives you a full, rich story without breaking the plot and going in to all this background</li><li>it never felt preachy or morality tale, instead, it felt as if it reflected back to us who we are, as people, without judgment or agenda; in fact, it almost felt&nbsp;like&nbsp;this sort of unconditional love or acceptance</li></ul><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SwjnjjwdrJ0/UCvy_nA5hFI/AAAAAAAAD8M/y4oP2SpYa7w/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.05.08+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SwjnjjwdrJ0/UCvy_nA5hFI/AAAAAAAAD8M/y4oP2SpYa7w/s320/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.05.08+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>There are things you will do for your child, family, loved ones...that you'd never do otherwise. <br />Even if, sometimes, you enter it knowing...just knowing...it's not going to go how you planned. <br />Sometimes that's even better.</i></span></div><br />I don't want to delve too deep or tell you how you ought to think of this movie. I definitely don't want to tell you what happens. Let the story unfold for you on its own, and I wish you to find in it what you want.<br /><br />I will say, simply, that I loved this movie. And two days later, I still do. I want to see it again.<br /><br />My&nbsp;husband&nbsp;also loved it, as did my kids (10 and 7). They agree with me that it was beautiful and ugly and real and sad and happy and hard and worthy. They agree you&nbsp;should&nbsp;go see it.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-62jom5cskE0/UCvzgIpKlHI/AAAAAAAAD8U/a5h2tjz7i1Q/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.07.16+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-62jom5cskE0/UCvzgIpKlHI/AAAAAAAAD8U/a5h2tjz7i1Q/s320/Screen+shot+2012-08-15+at+2.07.16+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-22610995403823356432012-07-12T16:30:00.002-05:002012-07-12T16:37:14.416-05:00Why I Will Miss Mary McCormack Most of All<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DpJqxDur6KE/T_86svX5vcI/AAAAAAAADu0/4Ou8iaXdX2g/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-07-12+at+3.56.19+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DpJqxDur6KE/T_86svX5vcI/AAAAAAAADu0/4Ou8iaXdX2g/s320/Screen+shot+2012-07-12+at+3.56.19+PM.png" width="212" /></a></div>I hear a number of my favorite television shows are coming to an end this year. I am not good with this. I'm not good with this because a good show is hard to find, and a good show with an awesome "I love you woman" main character is even harder to find.<br /><br />As this year becomes the year of trying to stuff women back into their boxes, I find TV shutting down its very best examples of inspiring women who never even had a box.<br /><br />It makes me sad.<br /><br /><i>Missing</i>,&nbsp;starring&nbsp;the oh-so-fab Ashley Judd, was not picked up for a second season. I suppose a super hot, smart and capable middle-aged woman was just too awesome. Or. Not politically correct enough in 2012. By which I mean, she wore a lot of pants (and hats, metaphorically) instead of being decorous in a flowery dress. (Bitter much? Why yes, yes I am these days, thank you for asking.) I say BOO on this one. I liked that show. Yes, I am a Judd fan, but also it was exciting. Former CIA operative running (usually literally) around Europe to save her son, constantly outwitting the doubting potential allies/enemies.<br /><br /><i>The Closer</i>, starring an increasingly skinny Kira&nbsp;Sedgwick, is living up to its title and closing. This is an easier goodbye. I used to love this show but the skinnier&nbsp;Sedgwick&nbsp;got and the more clothing tailored her main character, Brenda Leigh Johnson got, also the&nbsp;more&nbsp;boring the show got. By this I primarily mean that as the show has progressed, Brenda was&nbsp;increasingly&nbsp;"beautified" and her formerly complex and maddening yet lovable character became more and more one dimensional. I used to love this show. I loved her cleverness. Her balance of strength and weakness. Her hats and goofy Southern-Sunday-Go-to-Meeting-Meets-LA-and-Cop Shop outfits. Her incredible competence alongside her slight lapses into total geek. She was like the perfect yin-yang character and show. But, as is common with shows that center around a strong, smart woman, the show devolved her rather than evolved her. And here we are with this season. Instead of her leading everyone by the nose, her immediate circle has closed in around her, trying to protect her from herself as she implodes. Yuck. Yes, end it. End it now before I hate it.<br /><br />Worst worst worst of all is losing <i>In Plain Sight</i>. An&nbsp;intriguing&nbsp;twist on the neverending story (law and order), this one included some crime, some mystery, some solving, but mainly the human story of lives disrupted.<br /><br />It never started as a crime drama that eventually did the disgusting turn of the main characters themselves&nbsp;being&nbsp;the primary crime drama every episode (I'm looking at you every show named CSI). It started as a show about marshals who marshal people through the most unusual worst day of their lives and it kept true to that. The guest characters always had a story, and the main characters always had a story, and it was always well-balanced. It did shift into "oh noes the main characters became the victims" but only for a minute and it actually made sense.<br /><br />So it had a good, solid story line, good character development and strong, consistent core of "what it was" that it held true to, but what I really liked about the show and characters was the unapologetic&nbsp;non-compromising&nbsp;truthfulness of it. Mary (Mary McCormack) started as a tough, emotionally-challenged, closed off character, and she stayed that way. The writers never threw in a bunch of "we'll teach you your lesson and soften you up missy" crap awful preachiness that writers usually love to throw at strong female leads. Oh she went through life and all of its accompanying "may it be interesting" curse sort of events but she is who she is.<br /><br />Mary also had a great interplay with the male co-lead, her partner Marshall Mann (Fred Weller) (is that name awesome or what) (it so makes him...just the dude sidekick, the way women are so often the just the chick sidekick, but, as a great actor, he made it into a role you just adored). But they never "Moonlighted" it, ruining the show and its characters. Instead, the friendship shifted, as Marshall struggled to balance his traditional BFF role in Mary's life with that of fiance to a woman he loved. And it worked out. I left loving it, and them.<br /><br />In the final season, Mary was a single&nbsp;working&nbsp;mother trying to figure out the way to parent and be a marshal. She showed the way so many of us moms feel, and most importantly, she looked the way so many of us moms look. Really. When she was pregnant in the show, she was really pregnant, all over. The show blended real and storyline beautifully, and nobody asked her to do a Beyonce and look like "miracle OMG you'd never know she had a baby two days ago." Praise jelly belly. She looked and acted just like a real woman, not some sanitized version of a conceptual female.<br /><br />(Note to Hollywood: No, real women don't&nbsp;fantasize&nbsp;about looking like a swimsuit model within days of giving birth. That's not the mirror we want held up for us. That's what you keep telling yourself and telling us that we want but we don't. We want you to hold up a post-partum Mary McCormack and say "see, a little leaky and slightly too fleshy with a shower past the okay by date but STILL AWESOME." We know how we are really and we want you to hold up a mirror and show us how that's OKAY. If I'd been&nbsp;writing&nbsp;for the show, I'd have had her pull out a pack of wipies, swipe the pits, re-apply some Secret -- heh heh product placement -- and say "good enough" like I did a time or two.)<br /><br />What the show did was give us a woman who measured herself by her own standards, not some&nbsp;arbitrary&nbsp;what makes everyone else more comfortable because it meets our expectations. As a result, even though it was occasionally tough, uncomfortable, annoying or all of the above, she stayed true to herself and we came to realize that who she is is not made of wrong and she doesn't need a self-help course. Maybe it is us, the culture, who do, in order to broaden our definition of okay.<br /><br />I'll miss that. Most of all.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-35157679513843763562012-05-23T13:22:00.001-05:002012-05-23T13:22:28.301-05:00#epicfail and Other Parenting Moments<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HWaX7Pb43A4/T70qm3VQaBI/AAAAAAAAC5U/7ti_mrr_irQ/s1600/IMG_0088.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HWaX7Pb43A4/T70qm3VQaBI/AAAAAAAAC5U/7ti_mrr_irQ/s320/IMG_0088.JPG" width="282" /></a></div><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Running unprotected by water and stones</i>.</div></i><br /><div><br />Have you ever noticed how some people cough *other parents* cough just love to kill the buzz?<br /><div><br /></div><div>Okay let's take other parents.</div><div><br /></div><div>Say you're somewhere, like the playground, and you and the other parents are gabbing, and you maybe know some, don't know some, you know how it is. And you're being yourself, which in this case happens to a person with a very dry wit who often speaks rather facetiously. And you're all talking about your kids. And then you're all whipping out the iPhones to show kid photos.</div><div><br /></div><div>Even though the kids are all right there on the playground, for real.</div><div><br /></div><div>But you all just have to share this funny or magical moment caught by the phone camera to illustrate some parenting triumph.</div><div><br /></div><div>So you get your turn and you show this photo of your kid, maybe riding a bike, maybe a two-wheeler without training wheels, for the very first time.</div><div><br /></div><div>All the parents are oohing and ahhing and you feel it coming, the other stories about that moment you first let go of the bike and the kid takes off and then everyone will bask in the warm fuzzy glow of the metaphor.</div><div><br /></div><div>Except that's not what happens.</div><div><br /></div><div>One parent says, "You let your kid on a bike without a helmet?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Oh," you say, "Well normally they wear helmets but this one time, ha ha, you know, just that time...she wasn't going very fast, you know and we were right there..."</div><div><br /></div><div>"I know this one kid," that parent continues, "Who was brain dead after falling off a stationary bike...a bike that was <i>not even moving</i>..."</div><div><br /></div><div>You stare.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Brain dead," that parent reiterates as if you didn't catch it the first time, "<i>One time.</i>"</div><div><br /></div><div>You sort of stutter a bit, because umm <i>that is so not the point of this entire conversation</i>. This is a metaphor, it's iconographic, this photo. We are supposed to be basking in warm fuzzy glows. Not struggling for a response that is both appropriately explanatory and defensive while simultaneously steering us back to the right spot, which is not this speechless horror and let's be honest, this sort of atavistic Neanderthal rage that makes you want to rip off the other parent's face.<br /><br />And, okay, that's really from the shame you feel at being called out as a craptastic parent who wants their kid brain dead, and also you are thinking this other parent is a real self-righteous...no better not use that word as it has now firmly entered your five year old's vocabulary after that incident where the red truck cut you off on the freeway.</div><div><br /></div><div>And while your brain veers further off course, your mouth opens up and says, "A stationary bike? Like the kind that just sits there, and doesn't move? An exercise bike?"</div><div><br /></div><div>The other parents sort of lean back because they take this as a challenge. Now it's going to get interesting. You have managed to steer the conversation straight in a new direction, all right.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now you are the flaky craptastic parent who wants their kid brain dead, and who issues a challenge when you have no ground to stand on.</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking slowly like one would to a truly flaky person, that parent says, "Nooooooo, a stationary bike as in a bike that was not moving."</div><div><br /></div><div>Now you are really determined to get to the bottom of this, "So a stationary bike orrrrrrr," you drag out a syllable because two can do this, "A bike that was not moving?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"A bike! A bike <i>that was not moving</i>!" the other parent says.</div><div><br /></div><div>"So not a stationary bike," you say, "A regular bike, but just not moving at that moment."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Yes! Yes!"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Riiiiight," you say, "I see. That's so tragic! The poor kid, the poor family. How are they doing now?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"I don't know," the other parent says, "Sad, I guess."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Because their kid who was not wearing a helmet fell off a bike that was not moving," I say, starting to feel suspicious there was never this kid, or that it was The Poor Tragic Kid in one of those urban legend emails probably started by a bike helmet company to get free viral marketing and a mad rush by parents to buy helmets.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Wellll, actually," that parent says, "The kid was wearing a helmet. But it fell off."</div><div><br /></div><div>You can't really say how long the silence stretched on but it did for at least 200 hundred years while the prince tried to find his way through the brambles to those of us who slept under an evil spell in the castle. That's exactly how long it stretched on.</div><div><br /></div><div>"That's really awful," you say, feeling the burden--since <i>in some way</i> you did get us to this point--to be the prince rather than the sleeping beauty, especially since all of the other parents have decided to vie silently for that role, "Really really awful. I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here," you say, clicking your photo album shut and slipping your iPhone back into your pocket.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other parent nods, but without the smugness he expected to feel, it's clear.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-79431766182746993262012-04-24T13:40:00.000-05:002012-04-24T13:48:53.445-05:00What price an apology?<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VCfQ_DYeMS0/T5bxBX_eY4I/AAAAAAAACyU/tVu3MIE2pX4/s1600/IMG_0057.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VCfQ_DYeMS0/T5bxBX_eY4I/AAAAAAAACyU/tVu3MIE2pX4/s320/IMG_0057.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I read an article today about a man who spent over 30 years looking for his teacher, to make amends for a slight that had troubled him ever since. But why? And was it right? It's an amazing story. &nbsp;</span></span></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />39 years ago, a boy named Larry asked to leave a well-liked teacher's class and did not offer a reason. The teacher, Mr. Atteberry, was gay during a time that this could get a teacher fired. Some students suspected his homosexuality, and teased Larry, who was often praised&nbsp;in class for good work. The teasing escalated to bullying, and Larry thought if he left the class and never spoke again to the teacher, it would stop. So he left. Then he regretted it ever after. He kept trying to find the teacher to apologize, and nearly four decades later, he did, through a news article. That's where the article I read, "<a href="http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2012/04/a_teacher_a_student_and_a_39-y.html" target="_blank">A teacher, a student and a 39-year-long lesson in forgiveness</a>," began.&nbsp;</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />It's incredible what weighs on us, causes shame. This troubled this man for so long, and it's something I bet many would not even recall. How neat he kept trying and ultimately made amends.<br /><br />But why...why did he pursue it for so long? What made fixing this so incredibly important in his life?</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />I tried to think back through childish mistakes I made, and to my shame, I imagine most of the hurts I caused fell into that "clueless and oblivious" bucket. I was probably hurtful to people, thoughtless, or lily-livered. I recall spending a lot of time&nbsp;thinking&nbsp;others owed me amends. Many times, I was wrong. A lot of times, I was right.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />Sticking to the school example, I thought of Mrs. Morini, my senior year AP English teacher. She wore her hair like Frankenstein's bride, and (probably handmade) dresses cut in a straight, fitted Mad-Men style (think more Peggy than Joan -- not that fitted). She had a dozen or so of these dresses and she wore them in different colors, every day, with tall black heels. She was extremely petite, and, had anyone asked, probably self-identified as one who did not suffer fools gladly.&nbsp;</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;">She decided I was a fool and treated me as one all year long. She derided my interpretations, points of view, written perspectives, and, worst of all to an aspiring&nbsp;writer, my writing. She told me I wasn't very bright and wouldn't likely make much of myself. As the end of the&nbsp;year and graduation approached, I survived by looking forward and ignoring as much as possible where I was. I applied for the AP tests to place out of the "weeder" undergraduate classes. Mrs. Morini withdrew my application and did not tell me. When I tried to take the tests, she triumphantly told me she'd pulled my paperwork, and added that it had been done to spare me humiliation, because I simply was not smart enough to take the tests.<br /><br />My fury was meaningless to her, and I remained unapologized to, uncompensated and unrequited in my quest to fix it. To fix her.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />I took the placement exams and ultimately started college as nearly a sophomore, with a solid A average. And yes, I graduated in four years. If it ended there, it&nbsp;would&nbsp;seem as if fate (and my test&nbsp;taking&nbsp;skills) had righted the balance of the unfair universe. But that's not all;&nbsp;life&nbsp;isn't in a vacuum.&nbsp;What she did, that one act of vandalism and cruelty, set in motion a series of unfortunate events.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />Because I was&nbsp;unable&nbsp;to take the test, I was set back in my college "graduate in four years" plan. My father required no more than four, and I had&nbsp;to&nbsp;achieve it. I knew money would be tight, too. So I'd need to work summers, versus take classes.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />I checked into alternatives. I&nbsp;could&nbsp;take a couple of courses at the&nbsp;local&nbsp;community college, but this would force me to cut back work and earn less during the summer. I signed up for one, and tried&nbsp;to live as frugally as possible.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><br />This also&nbsp;forced me to move to college two weeks early and spend hard-earned summer cash to take placement exams. I lived, alone, in the private dorm, lonelier and more lost&nbsp;than I had ever been in my life. And I am one who can stand to be alone. I met other stragglers, but it wasn't a good tale of bonding and unlikely friends.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I hadn't gone to college early, it wouldn't have given a jealous classmate back home the opportunity to pursue my boyfriend, and put bugs in his ear about me being unfaithful. He wouldn't have forced an angry confrontation and ultimatum that lead me to give him his marching orders...away from me as fast as possible.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I hadn't been so upset and so&nbsp;lonely&nbsp;and lost, I might not have turned to a good friend for comfort, shifting something nice into&nbsp;something&nbsp;romantic. He felt more than I did and I lost a best friend.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">If I hadn't arrived early for the exams, I would not have met that odd girl, the&nbsp;punk one, who, because I am like that, I was friendly to and got to know. And not really like. Because she was sort of as prickly as the safety pins lining her clothing. Then I learned she was even pricklier than that -- she was knife sharp. The day I finally gathered my courage and told some pretty sorority girls to quit being mean to her became the day I learned some people can be even more vicious to those who try to help than to those who hurt. As I stood, silent and&nbsp;humiliated&nbsp;in the hallway, with the cruel words of the girl echoing in my ears, even meaner than the taunts of the sorority girls to her, I felt a wash of hate.&nbsp;</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I hated her. I hated the mean sorority girls. I hated being at college&nbsp;early. I hated missing my friends. I hated being so confused and lost. I hated this college. And I really, really hated Mrs. Morini, who, at the time, appeared to be the catalyst to it all. The one who ruined my life.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">What she did was truly unforgivable -- not that she ever asked my forgiveness. But what came from that was all me. And probably, in there, a lot people -- mainly me -- owed others apologies. I had the chance to do so in some cases, and I took it.&nbsp;</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />In the end, I learned to live with all that happened. Had none of it happened, I might not have what I have now, be who I am now. I might not have made friends with a girl I met at the French placement test, who introduced me to a girl from her dorm, who introduced me to the man I am married to now, and with whom I have two amazing kids. It all happened and it all lead to here.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">But what would I think, now, if Mrs. Morini came&nbsp;to&nbsp;me with an apology?</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">What would someone from then think, now, if I came to them with apology?</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">What if I did someone some harm, even incidentally, but maybe they didn't realize, and I revealed it while begging forgiveness?</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I often wonder about the value of an apology, when it is positive and when it is self-serving, when it does more good and when it does more harm. When you have to make it and when you have to take it. I wonder about the making of amends. There has to be a lot of wisdom in it, and I'm not sure many of us have enough of it.</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-54871976659442864012012-04-19T16:49:00.006-05:002012-04-19T17:14:59.620-05:00We are the tardy people...don't hate us<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mLhsqHXMX4Y/T5COCw8UIUI/AAAAAAAACxo/h1w72HVC_g8/s1600/IMG_0093.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 271px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mLhsqHXMX4Y/T5COCw8UIUI/AAAAAAAACxo/h1w72HVC_g8/s320/IMG_0093.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5733238503791403330" /></a><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">My kids are tardy, frequently.</span></span><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">It is a source of daily stress and distress. I start every single day unhappy.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">You are going to judge me. Tell me it's rude and disrespectful. It disrespects the school, the teacher, the class, the other kids, and my own kids' access to learning. Tell me it is undisciplined. A necessary life skill, failed.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">You think I do not know this?</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">You are going to assume I do not know what to do or how to fix it. You are going to tell me about sticker charts, incentives, punishments, egg timers, consequences, school talks, how you fixed it (therefore you understand but you also </span>know<span style="font-size: 100%;"> it CAN and SHOULD be fixed), how your neighbor's mother's cousin's daughter fixed it.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">You think I do not wish I had the magic fix?</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">You are going to think you </span>know<span style="font-size: 100%;"> what our deal is. You are going to suggest I put my kids to bed earlier or wake them earlier. You will tell me we ought to make lunches the night before. Create schedules. You may offer websites, books, magazine articles, or what your child's teacher told you.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">You'll express some kindness, maybe, try to get at what is happening, how and why it is not working. You'll suggest that perhaps expectations are too high or we're trying to do too much. You'll offer advice about shifting this and that and altering the schedule.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">You might dissect us. Tell me how this is open rebellion on my kids' part, a reflection of something inherently wrong in our family and relationship or in the school or life in general. You'll figure this is a symptom of a bigger problem. You'll let me know how this is reflective of my own lack of discipline or how I am doing it all wrong or how my kids have been let loose to go awry.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; ">You think I do not want to understand why it happens, no matter what?</span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">Trust me. I've heard, seen, read, had it said, and been told it all. At least four times.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">There is nothing you can say to me that is worse than what I have already said to myself, and to my kids.</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span>Whatever you are thinking is the solution is probably something I've already tried. At least twice.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>And yes, I did it <i>right</i>.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>I have tried sticker charts, incentives big and small, consequences minor and dire, egg timers, shifted schedules, buying lunch, making lunch the night before, organizing charts, talks by the school and so on and so on and so on.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>We've been dealing with this for the five years of school. </span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>We've tried something to work it out constantly.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>Each time we try something, it works for a bit and then the kids backslide. So we try it again and it fails, so we try something new.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>We don't like it. We know it is rude. We know everyone hates tardy people. We know everyone thinks poorly of us. We hear it all the time, in general. Not to us directly, but about late people, <i>in general</i>.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>I am tired of hating myself. Hating my kids. Hating time.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>I wish we fit better into this construct.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>But we do not.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>Enough.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>All I want you to know is...you do not know, not really, all that we do; but we do try, hard.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>All I want to know is...you do not hate me, or us, or judge me or us, and that you think that being late is not the worst thing a person can be--there is much, much worse a person can be. You know I try.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>But somehow, something always happens on the way to the forum.</span></div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-46239759232496782502012-04-17T12:47:00.006-05:002012-04-17T13:07:32.879-05:00What to Read for Earth Day 2012 (Sunday April 22, 2012)<span><span style="font-size: 100%;">It's almost </span></span><a href="http://www.earthday.org/2012" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">Earth Day</a><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">!</span></span><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">What are you going to do?</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">Turn out the lights for an hour? Plant a tree? Go green? Start a compost pile?</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">Excellent.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">How about also...read a book!</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">If you know me at all you know how much I work to get my active on-the-go kids to sit and read. I found two earth day friendly books they liked!</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "> My oldest is a big "how stuff works" fan. For her, we found <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Earth-Friendly-Buildings-Bridges-More-Eco-Journal/dp/1554535700">she liked this</a>:</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QUKH-uCKU9o/T42tqNwYglI/AAAAAAAACw0/-KGoDaUWEXU/s1600/earthfriendlybuildings.jpg" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QUKH-uCKU9o/T42tqNwYglI/AAAAAAAACw0/-KGoDaUWEXU/s320/earthfriendlybuildings.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732428841471214162" /></a><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">With a LEED certified architect dad, she enjoyed the look at structures that are earth friendly. Also,this book is heavy on call-outs and factoids. It begins with a look at the roles in building. Then it talks </span>about<span style="font-size: 100%;"> elements of structure and building. Next, it highlights some incredible examples around the world of earth friendly </span>structures<span style="font-size: 100%;">. Throughout it offers some great ideas of DIY projects kids can do at home. Today I get to go buy more pipe cleaners to complete the cross-bracing experiment (page 13).</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span>Last night we got a string of jokes. Did I mention there are funny jokes throughout, such as, "Why did the hole go to the dentist? Because he needed a filling!" lol</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>The best part for both me and my daughter was on page 53 -- which included a pros and cons debate "To Dam or Not to Dam." She just joined the school's Debate Club so this book and in particular that page gave her a great weekly topic.</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>For my younger, she liked<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Big-Green-Book-Blue/dp/1554537460/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1334685525&amp;sr=1-1"> this one</a>:</span></div><div><span><br /></span></div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yIYZ3MiDzlA/T42vqZm6RrI/AAAAAAAACxA/bUhkHRuFNGI/s1600/thebiggreenbook.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yIYZ3MiDzlA/T42vqZm6RrI/AAAAAAAACxA/bUhkHRuFNGI/s320/thebiggreenbook.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732431043675965106" /></a><div>Her one complaint was that it lacked monkeys.</div><div><br /></div><div>However, what it did have was a lot of great illustrations okay for "big kids" and short text sections. I did find that some of the vocabulary was beyond beginning reader (K-1) and I had to help her a bit with an average of 3-4 words per paragraph.</div><div><br /></div><div>She enjoyed checking out the experiments, and she tried one with cucumbers (page 44). She really grasped the idea of osmosis. She also liked the new facts she has and can share.</div><div><br /></div><div>We're well situated for Earth Day and also for the summer (with plenty of experiments - most of which kids can do on their own with minimal supervision and assistance).</div><div><br /></div><div>As usual, I got these books from <a href="http://www.kidscanpress.com/">Kids Can Press</a>. It's a rich resource for fun, and good to know and enjoy books for kids.</div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-79946324993490317432012-04-03T14:17:00.005-05:002012-04-03T14:37:55.941-05:00Frog went a' courtin' and he did right...by Stevie Wonder<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jW9slX4eX8Q/T3tPSr_Ch7I/AAAAAAAACuc/PhXc3Yq2_S8/s1600/Screen%2Bshot%2B2012-04-03%2Bat%2B2.27.24%2BPM.png" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 227px; height: 199px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jW9slX4eX8Q/T3tPSr_Ch7I/AAAAAAAACuc/PhXc3Yq2_S8/s320/Screen%2Bshot%2B2012-04-03%2Bat%2B2.27.24%2BPM.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5727258533595088818" /></span></a><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>Last night, as I tucked in my oldest and sat with her for a minute, we listened to the frogs. It's spring and rainy so it is time for them to find their happily ever afters.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>Every night, a plethora of them call to each other. I always imagine they each have their own song, like Happy Feet.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>It used to bother me, the crazy racket. Then we put in a pond and the frog songs amplified from racket to live concert level loud. You'd think we could have foreseen this but no, we did not. We thought only of managing mosquitos and happily watching koi.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><p><span><span>So last night, my daughter and I lay in her bed and listened to the frogs.</span></span></p></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>"What do you think they are saying?" she asked me.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>I paused, wading through the truth, which in my head sounded heavily open air market-like but in a vaguely "Good morning Vietnam-ish," with a little "Dear penthouse..." thrown in way.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span>"They are singing love songs to find their loves," I told her.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><br /></span></div><div><span><span>"What sort of song? How does it go?" asked my little popular music </span>aficionado<span>.</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>I told her I thought it might be a little like Stevie Wonder's "Hey Love." This morning, she demanded I queue it up on the iPod. We all listened for a minute, and finally she declared, "Yes, oh yes, I can really see this is like the froggie love song."</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>And, forevermore, I will imagine little muppet frogs singing and dancing to this song, 60s beach blanket bingo style, little bouffants bouncing, webbed feet and long tongues flashing as they sway.</span></span></div><p><br /><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nD049ZWp2oA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /></p>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-46024568143341070942012-04-02T09:45:00.005-05:002012-04-02T10:21:19.260-05:00Rhymes, Poems and Things: Good for kids reading during National Poetry Month<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PGf9RXM2Ztg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><p style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">The truth is my younger daughter, aka Persistence,</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; font-size: 100%; "> prefers to be on the move and we joke she has two speeds: stop and go.</span></p><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">So getting her to sit and learn to read has been a challenge. We had to find subjects and books that would really engage her. </span>Unlike<span style="font-size: 100%;"> me, neither of my kids are "read almost anything" simply for the pure pleasure of reading. They are more like their dad. That means I've had to reshape my image of a future wherein my girls and I happily share books the way I always have with friends and family. That also means a lot more backend work.</span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">One thing both always loved was Dr. Seuss. Silly, and rhyming. Catchy. Entertaining, with a solid plot and purpose. They loved parsing the secret message. Poetry, FTW!</span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-style: normal; "><span style="font-size: 100%;">Still, anyone who knows me knows I am always on the hunt for things that engage my kids in language arts. When </span></span><span style="font-style: normal; font-size: 100%; ">I got this press release in my inbox and I was so excited about it I put my kids on the computer immediately. The 7 year </span><span style="font-style: normal; font-size: 100%; ">old</span><span style="font-size: 100%; "> was engrossed. I had to pry her off about two hours later. She loves <i>Martha Speaks</i> and <i>Arthur</i>, and they've been studying writing poems in class.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%; ">Persistence used the fun game "Martha's Rhyme Time" and loved seeing her poem performed by Martha. She got really caught up in that. She also liked Fern's poetry tool, which we had somehow missed until now on the Arthur site. She's already asked to do it again today.</span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">I am a big fan of poetry, for sure, and believe it really builds skill in interpretation and comprehension of what we read. I'm definitely happy to have the kids engaged in this.</span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span><span style="font-size: 100%;">Let me share the details so you can try it too -- let me </span>know<span style="font-size: 100%;"> what you do! And share a poem!</span></span></span></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><b><br /></b></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><span><span><div><b>New Games Highlight Poetry and Creative Writing Online at pbskids.org!</b></div><div></div><blockquote><div>Kids are invited to read, write, and share poetry online with Martha’s Rhyme Time at <a href="http://pbskids.org/martha/">pbskids.org/martha</a> and Fern's Poetry Club at <a href="http://pbskids.org/arthur/">pbskids.org/arthur</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://pbskids.org/martha/games/rhymetime/">Martha's Rhyme Time</a></div><div>In Martha’s Rhyme Time, kids can create rhyming couplets for Martha to perform. Building each from six different sets of words, there are—mathematically speaking—a bazillion combinations to create. Kids also can customize the performance stage and create a printed version to color and stick on the fridge. And, of course, with Martha being Martha, she'll introduce and explain many new vocabulary words along the way! </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://pbskids.org/arthur/games/poetry/index.html">Fern's Poetry Club</a></div><div>Fern’s Poetry Club is a long-running, popular poetry feature on the Arthur website that encourages children to write and share their poems online. Fern's Poetry Club contains information to help kids understand what poetry is, a description of different types of poems, and tips for kids on how to write their own poems—plus an archive of poems submitted to the site over the past 10 years. To celebrate National Poetry Month, new features will be added, including poetry-related video clips from Arthur. Kids will now see Fern, Arthur, and all their friends enjoying this wonderful form of expression!</div></blockquote><div><div><span><span><span style="font-size: 16px; "><b>The episode of <i>Martha Speaks</i> featuring Billy Collins airs today!</b></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><blockquote><div>The Poetry Foundation and WGBH are teaming up to invite kids to celebrate National Poetry Month with Martha Speaks and Arthur.</div><div><br /></div><div>“Children who are exposed to the joys of poetry at a young age are most likely to become lifelong readers of poetry as adults,” adds Stephanie Hlywak, Media Director of the Poetry Foundation. “How better to create a new generation of poetry lovers than to enlist the help of Martha, Arthur, Billy Collins, and Jack Prelutsky?”</div><div><br /></div><div>Airing Monday, April 2, 2012, PBS KIDS will premiere the brand-new Martha Speaks episode “Billy Collins Speaks” (check local listings). In this episode, Billy Collins writes great poems about dogs, and Martha thinks she knows why. Obviously, the former poet laureate must be a canine himself! When Martha meets Billy Collins, she’s in for a few surprises...as is he. Tune in to learn words like poem, poet, prose, imposter, and metaphor. Then in the classic Arthur episode “I’m a Poet,” Arthur and his friends are challenged to write a poem for a contest—to be judged by inaugural Children’s Poet Laureate Jack Prelutsky. Though intimidated at first, everyone comes up with a poem that reflects his or her own unique approach. </div></blockquote></span></span></div></div></span></span></div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-35553001223354445482012-02-27T10:12:00.012-06:002012-02-27T10:55:57.018-06:00Loving and Protecting Other People's Children (and Their Privacy)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OXhZjz_s0CE/T0uzAMI21eI/AAAAAAAACpg/F6ljXgioh50/s1600/obscured.jpg" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; "><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 136px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OXhZjz_s0CE/T0uzAMI21eI/AAAAAAAACpg/F6ljXgioh50/s320/obscured.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5713857368089351650" /></a><br />Hi. You. Yes, you , my fellow parent. Here you are, in the class with our kids. Aren't they incredible? It's amazing, isn't it, how cute they all are, and how warm and fuzzy it makes us parents feel to see them having fun with each other. Cameras and video cameras don't even really capture it. We'll have to make an emotion memory that the photos and videos will trigger.<br /><br />The little inside jokes. The things they like. The toothless grins. The grins with teeth a little too large yet for faces still sort of small. Not as small as last year, though, or even last month. They all have something just so particular to the special stage of this age. I don't know how to explain it. <span>It's how they like certain things now, things they didn't appreciate or even know a few months ago, things that may not matter in a little while from now.<br /><br />There are things right now that our lives revolve around and sometime soon, it will be a memory. </span><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>Remember that lovie, the one that had to go everywhere? And it was as important to you because you knew the devastation forgetting it would bring. But really it's because of the unbearable love we have for these precious children. We love them thus we love what they love.<br /><br />I except some music and television and popular culture things that will unite them in laughter when they are older, "OMG remember when we ADORED Selena Gomez and she was the COOLEST?!?!"<br /><br />Here our kids are: in this state of who they are right now. Having fun. It's a special occasion, a class party, a performance. Something that brings a little lump to our parental throats if we ponder the path to now -- from squirming newborn to tall, proud child singing and laughing.<br /><br />We want to capture this, treasure it forever in our hearts and on film.<br /><br />Someday our children may be apart, moved on, and these photos and videos will remind them Of When. They will point and laugh at photos, "Oh wow, remember her? We were best friends, and were all into pillow pets, loved them!" They'll feel happy and warmed from recalling, and maybe a wee bit sad to have that as the past.<br /><br />I wasn't there, for that one event, whatever it was, but I was so glad you were, Other Parent, and that you took these super cute photos and shared them with the rest of us on the school photo site.<br /><br />I also really appreciated that you did not post them on your social media sites. You didn't put my child's image and name on your blog, on your Facebook, on your Twitter, Flickr, Pinterest, Tumblr, Storify, etc. I appreciated that you respected my child's privacy and did not, at least not without asking me first, share my child and her moment with the world at large.<br /><br />Respecting my child's privacy is so special.<br /><br />It means you understand that just because my child was there and part of the story that you preserved on film doesn't mean you have the right to distribute that story -- my child, her face, her name -- across the Internet. I'm not sure whether you came up with this on your own, if you read an article somewhere, or if the school was wise enough to say, "Hey parents, remember to respect the other children's privacy and not share their names and photos online," or something like that.<br /><br />Either way, thanks for not sharing it with the whole world, and thanks for putting it on a private and protected place to share it with me.</span></div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-51674679551185097562012-02-14T08:28:00.013-06:002012-02-14T09:44:50.177-06:00Valentine's Day -- Oh Yes, the Little Gestures Matter<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ErQSG8YttgQ/Tzp9zR2RLhI/AAAAAAAACog/nvoeUQabh3A/s1600/IMG_0133.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ErQSG8YttgQ/Tzp9zR2RLhI/AAAAAAAACog/nvoeUQabh3A/s320/IMG_0133.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709013797563346450" /></a><div>Guys (men and women) you have to celebrate this holiday. In some way. Any way. Big. Small. A way that will let the person you love know you love him or her. Old or young, it matters.</div><div><br /></div><div>It matters for a lot of reasons. The surface one is that it's because our culture celebrates this holiday and all around each of us is this huge message of SHOW YOUR LOVE. </div><div><br /></div><div>We may say we don't buy into it, or shun "Hallmark" holidays but I am going to call BS on that. Nobody is that cool. Nobody never needs someone to show their love. Nobody ever learns to live perfectly well without love. We all need to feel loved, in some way.</div><div><br /></div><div>And, on special days, like today, we like to see it in some special way.</div><div><br /></div><div>I say this as someone who used to think she was too cool, too strong, too modern to need flowery hearts and fake holiday sentiment.</div><div><br /></div><div>Until I finally admitted I did, said so, and improved my marriage.</div><div><br /></div><div>When we got married, we had an emotional "pre-nup" in which he made me swear to never surprise him for his birthday (party-wise) or have waiters sing to him in a restaurant. He hated that stuff. We were still in our "cool youth ennui" stage of life. We eschewed artificial trappings and Hallmark holidays and materialism. We were about modernity and independence and keeping it real, man. </div><div><br /></div><div>See, we met (and married) when we were really, really young. Like wet behind the ears, barely formed frontal lobe young. Sure we thought we were adults: out of college, degree(s) in hand, paying our own way, real professional jobs. HA! I can look back now, nearly 20 years later and say that: HA! </div><div><br /></div><div>We were young and silly, but the emotional "pre-nup" was a pretty decent idea, except we didn't do a "what to do" part. We only did a "don't ever do this to me" part, which was fine, but only half the story. To tell the truth, I don't think we even knew what we needed, at that time. Or maybe we didn't know how to express it, fully. </div><div><br /></div><div> I thought, silly girl, that I wasn't worthy and anyway I was a Modern Woman and we did not need that crap. Plus, after my experience growing up, I swore on my own grave I'd never need a man to fulfill me. In fact, we each had our own reasons for having up a pretty solid emotional wall. So we were both stalwart. HA! </div><div><br /></div><div>But he is a sap and I am a romantic. He's got a better backbone, though. So for years I did all those silly little things: little birthday wishes all over the house, cake with candles after dinner and the occasional party; notes in his briefcase or shoes; special made plans; gifts; poems; even sent him flowers etc. These were all double messages, you know: </div><div><br /></div><div>Love me love me love me </div><div>show me show me show me </div><div>see what I love to give and to get I love you </div><div>here's how I see love</div><div>I tell you this way and </div><div>hear it from you this way too </div><div>do you see how love looks to me </div><div>love me love me love me </div><div>show me show me show me</div><div><br /></div><div>And he, not so much. From the very beginning, I steeled myself and pretended I didn't need it, didn't care. But I was unhappy about it. </div><div><br /></div><div>I loved him every other day because he is a great guy, except those days. I started really hating holidays and birthdays. </div><div><br /></div><div>I grew to understand what it was that I needed, and turns out, it is paper hearts and flowers. Or sticky notes with poems. Or a box of chocolates. Or a foot rub. As it turns out, I am not that picky and am pretty easy to please, so long as you try.</div><div><br /></div><div>See, what I really needed, just sometimes, was for my love to step out of the daily box and do a little something special. I needed my love to know how I saw love, and put effort into speaking my love language for a day. Because that's love. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I told him this. </div><div><br /></div><div>He confessed he liked my little things I did, that they mattered to him.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now he does those little things for me because he learned to value them, to admit he needed them, but mostly, because he values me and our marriage and is willing to do these things for that. That's love. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know what your love is, who it is with or how it looks. It might be roses. It might be a sticky note with special words on it. It might be a lover or a best friend or a child or a parent.</div><div><br /></div><div>But you...YOU...deserve to get that love today and on other special days. YOU deserve to give that love, too.</div><div><br /></div><div>I like Hallmark or contrived holidays. I like a cultural tradition of take time, be together, express care. It's easy to take things, people for granted. It's easy to get consumed by the rote and routine of life. Do a love day today. If you just can't bring yourself to buy into it, say I love you along with a why, at least. And make sure you do something romantic, special, loving and passionate on another occasion.</div><div><br /></div><div>Today I am looking forward to a Valentine from him. He tells me he loves me in many ways every day, and that's nice. I do see that. But getting something special, that's nice too.</div><div><br /></div><div>In a relationship, it is so important, those expressions of passion and love and romance and sentiment. In fact, it's priceless.</div><div><br /></div><div>Have a very expressive Valentine's Day, friends!</div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-67214297444331501152012-02-07T07:25:00.004-06:002012-02-07T08:47:12.846-06:00We Are Unfair to Grief<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6fc-gO-U_sw/TzEnySdAQ_I/AAAAAAAACoU/C7wircYrTOw/s1600/IMG_0724.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 311px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6fc-gO-U_sw/TzEnySdAQ_I/AAAAAAAACoU/C7wircYrTOw/s320/IMG_0724.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706385947755561970" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span><i>A painting from Hope Lodge, NYC, taken during a tour with our <a href="http://pressroom.cancer.org/index.php?s=43&amp;item=183">ACS BAC</a> group, which included Susan. A painting we admired</i></span>.</div><br /><div>When you are grieving, I told my friend Devra as we talked last night---the last day of our friend Susan's life--when you are grieving, I think you are insane, a little. Devra explained to me that in Judaism the literal translation for grief is "out of your mind," and you must give space to grievers to be out of their minds.</div><div><br /></div><div>That’s right.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the face of loss, people deserve space to be out of their minds. And they will get back in their minds in their own time, not when people are tired of their grief and ready for them to move on.</div><div><br /></div><div>We are unfair to grief, I think, treating it as an enemy or a disease to be fought. We do not succumb to grief. We do not lose to grief. We engage grief. It gives us the time our hearts need for us to be out of our minds.</div><div><br /></div><div>Right now I am a little out of my mind. A lovely, amazing, inspirational woman is finished. Her body stopped.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,</i></div><div><i>Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,</i></div><div><i>Silence the pianos and with muffled drum</i></div><div><i>Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.</i></div><div><i>-- <b>WH Auden</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>I mourn. Oh all the wonderfulness of her, all she was and did in so little time. How much more might she have…but, it is a design, I have faith. Thank you, God, for the time of Susan that we had.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>I hold it true, whate'er befall;</i></div><div><i>I feel it, when I sorrow most;</i></div><div><i>'Tis better to have loved and lost</i></div><div><i>Than never to have loved at all.</i></div><div><i><b>-- Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam:27, 1850</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>Cold comfort. Because we mourn. We grieve. We are out of our minds. Thank you grief, for the space to admit the blessing of a person, and the pain of her loss; for the time to know who she was and what she meant to us; for the loss of sanity when we mourn out loud so the world knows the new hole in our sky, the tear in our hearts.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>The stars are not wanted now: put out every one.</i></div><div><i><b>-- W H Auden</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>And then, one day, our minds will return to us, when our heart retreats, our grief recedes. One day we will know the miracle it has been, the life, and that is the part we’ll think of most of all.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh what better thing to finish with for Susan--bright star always, lady of planetary science, answerer of why, belly laugher, sensitive understanding heart, tremendous warrior advocate, bringer of greater good, feet on the ground, 200 watt mind--than another beautiful quote about still being there just because we knew her.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>In one of the stars, I shall be living.</i></div><div><i>In one of them, I shall be laughing.</i></div><div><i>And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.</i></div><div><i><b>-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>Many blessings to Susan’s family. And wishes to you for all that you need during this time. </div>Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.com11