On being ill

Ill.

Again.

And again.

So many bugs this year.

So much time given to sickness.

So much energy.

It feels doubly hard when your nights are broken. Your breastfeeding body is barely sustaining itself yet needs to sustain another too. When your children are ill and needing mama, but mama has nothing left to give. When all you need is rest to get better.

Illness is many things…

A pilgrimage to the dark silences of the soulA teacher in our tolerance of pain and sufferingA reminder of our own biological nature and tender mortalityA much needed retreat in the worldAnd a pain in the ass!

I so feel your point. I have a chronic disease that finally made me decide to give up breastfeeding a few weeks ago, only to be confronted with a baby not thriving on formula. It leaves me feeling frustrated, even more tired and guilty. How you always manage to write a post that so exactly reflects how I feel! I do try to see the positive side, the retreat, the teaching, but no, I can’t. It really is just a pain in the ass. I hope you get well soon!

Oh, goodness, that last bit made me laugh. I have a hard time seeing anything but the pain in the ass, myself. Perhaps I’ll reach an end of the spectrum slightly nearer to enlightenment one day and learn to embrace some of the more positive aspects.