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Tell a Joke to Enter Contest 2 Winners - 9/15 Drawing

The prize for this contest is a block of Stabilized **** ***** Burl. There will be 2 winners.
Since these are my only two pieces of this wood, it makes more sense to give them away than to sell them. If you don't use them for a knife handle they make a good paperweight, chewy toy (Spike) or ???? I'm just doing this for new jokes.

Here is how the contest works.
To make an entry into the contest just post a joke in this thread and guess what type of wood this is.
Make a separate post for each Joke. The post number of your joke is your entry number.
The more jokes you post the better your chance of winning.

On the 15th I will use the random number generator to select the winning numbers.
There will be 2 numbers selected. 1st number gets the bigger block.
I will pay for the shipping to wherever the winners live.

This is a contest where everyone wins.
Even if you don't win a prize you still get to enjoy the jokes.
Really good jokes and Really dumb ones have an equal chance of winning.

Guy walks into a bar on the second floor of a building. Sits down at the bar, and orders a drink. Man next to him starts talking to him about the properties of drinking beer, and tells the guy if he drinks enough, the gas bubbles will make him weightless. Guy looks at him, almost laughs, and is like yeah right. The drunkard picks up on this, and says, "Oh yeah, I'll prove it to you!! Just buy me a drink, and I'll float right out that window!" Guy is like, "sure, bartender, get this man another beer." Thinking at least he'll get to see some idiot fall out of the window. Man gets the beer, chugs it in a matter of seconds, walks over to the window, and floats out... The guy's jaw drops, he can't help start jumping around screaming, "holy crap, did you just see that!" Other guy comes walking back up the stairs, and is quickly greeted by the other one with, "Do that again!! Bartender, get this man another beer!" Other man doesn't disappoint, downs the beer, and floats out the window again. As the night goes on, and the new guy keeps seeing this happen, he gets drunk enough he thinks he can do the trick himself. Orders a beer from the bar, downs it, goes over to the window, and falls to the ground in a THUD! Bartender just looks at the other guy, and says, "Superman, you can be such an ass when you're drunk!"