As a Verizon customer, a lot of people are probably thinking I’m going to jump on the opportunity to get the new iPhone come February. Truth is: I don’t think I will.

I say it all the time: I’m anti-smartphone. I don’t say this to be cool or be all opposite-of-hipster-which-makes-me-kinda-hipster. I genuinely mean it. Call me old fashioned, but I think a smartphone could be the end of my life.

Look at my life right now: I work all day. I come home after work and blog all night. I tweet at least 30 times a day. I stalk enough people online that it’s already considered relatively unhealthy… And this is all without a smartphone. Without internet on me 24/7.

On the weekends, I purposely turn off my computer so that I can get away from that world I drown myself in all week. I tweet about 5 times a day. I go out and hang with human beings [or Slutty Cat, depending on how emotional-cat-lady I feel like being]. It’s such a relief to just let everything go and hit the I-don’t-give-an-F phase. When someone asks me, “Didn’t you get my email?” I can say “Nope. I don’t have a smartphone, remember? You’ll have to call me if it’s urgent.”

What if I had a smartphone?!

I’d be tweeting two or three times as much. I’d always be on call for work related things. My thumbs/hands would probably hurt even more. And most importantly: My real friends:online friends ratio would change dramatically.

If you’ve ever been to dinner or out anywhere with a group of people with smartphones, it’s like the real world doesn’t exist. They’re paying more attention to the tweets, Facebook updates, trending topics, viral videos, celebrity happenings, etc etc etc than the living thing right in front of them. I’m far enough from all my friends as it is, and as much as social media helps keeping in touch become a lot easier, it makes it a lot more fake too.

Phone calls are what make you feel the closest to someone who’s not right next to you. Texts come in second. That’s all I need in a phone. I have a GPS, and *GASP* I know how to write down directions from a map. If something major happens that I HAVE to know about, I trust people to let me know. With a smartphone, you become dependent on everything it comes with, and if there were ever a time that you didn’t have that device, you’d be absolutely lost, physically and emotionally.

Finally- Texting. Let’s be real: Texting happens a lot more than dialing these days. Let’s be real about something else: As funny as damnyouautocorrect.com is, the fact that you can’t just type in a message on you’re own without worrying about looking like you’re hammered or on drugs is flipping annoying. I like my T-9. I very rarely even open the flip of my phone for the QWERTY keyboard because T-9 is the quickest and easiest for me. I use one hand. I don’t have to look. Texting while driving is actually safe for me, and I mean that. A touch screen phone can’t say the same, no matter how hard you try to convince anyone.

I’m not here to convince all you crazy people that smartphones are the devil; I know that’s impossible. I just wanted to speak my mind and really show you that as much as I know I need one for my job and that it’d be smart, I don’t want one. I’m keeping my EnV3 for as long as it can survive… Even if it’s the last one on this planet.