Star Wars with occasional sarcasm

Upcoming: From the secret files of LucasBooks

A source has forwarded me some very troubling information about the upcoming books. It seems that LFL and Del Rey (yes, Del Rey will be back) have been paying attention to the most extreme whining about LOTF and even the NJO, and they’re taking steps accordingly. I hate to assault the eyes of an unprepared audience, so details are below the cut: Enter at your own risk.

The first disturbing reaction is the acceptance of a ‘fluid,’ more fanfic-inspired continuity. While not formally throwing the current canon out the window, they are opening up ‘alternate’ timeframes and other such nonsense. The second? Well…”We’re taking the war out of Star Wars,” said our Bothan spy. “Exhaustive lunchtime research has shown that the fans are getting fed up with depressing storylines, so we’re going for a different feel. To that end, we’re bringing back some previous authors whose work captured the spirit of fun and adventure.”

Indeed.

Here are some of the books that are currently in the planning stages:

The first release under the new program “pairs classic authors Kevin J. Anderson (Darksaber) with Dave Wolverton (Courtship of Princess Leia) to tell the story of Jacen Solo, torn between his love for Hapan princess Tenel Ka and his lifelong dream of running an animal sanctuary.” At right, a cover mockup. Not the only ‘up’ I’m feeling at the moment, but if I stop for snark I’ll never get this done. Moving on…

In the outline stage is a third Star Wars novel from Drew Karpyshyn “linking fan-favorite Waru with the ancient Sith.”

Also well on the way is a pair of books described as “Gossip Girl with politics” exploring the early lives of Leia and Padme. LucasBooks is developing these with 17th Street Productions, the book packaging unit responsible for Sweet Valley High and Gossip Girl. “LFL really wants to make an outreach to young girls,” says our source. “The YA books are a big push for expanding the audience.”

There are also rumblings that Derek J. Reda’s long-shelved Bib Fortuna and the Rise of the Dark Falls might finally see daylight, but even the Bothans have heavy doubts on that front.

Release dates are still not set, but the Anderson/Wolverton collaboration and YA novels are likely to be out in time for Christmas.

The word on the street is that they’re actually reaching out to some of the Harlequin Sillhouette stable for talent; and they might even have snagged some of the big guns in romance. I can just see a Jayne Ann Krentz EU novel; it would be sooo hot!

“torn between his love for Hapan princess Tenel Ka and his lifelong dream of running an animal shelter”???? Come on!!! And the early life of Padme and Leia? They were princesses with normal parents, etc. Why not write a book about Mara’s early life! That would be interesting! And romance is great, but without action it’s not sci-fi.

OMG! Finally they realize the mistake of leaving the only true Jacen, the one in the YJK books, to create that JINO and parade him around. I told you so! Now we get to see what REALLY happened instead of that intolerable NJO and Legacy crap.

I’m hoping the rumors I’ve been hearing regarding an Anderson/Wolverton follow-up about the forbidden love between a promising Jedi padawan and his master’s wife (who is also his aunt!) turn out to be true. I’ve been waiting for an impressionistic take on that material for a while.

George Lucas would never allow this! Ever! Has he lost his mind? We’ve got to start a petishun! there’s no s_x in Star Wars. Ever! We’ve got to tell him and stop this and to fire those morons who would dare to use our Star Wars this way. I’m never bying another SW book again. Ever. I’m going to go put a petishun on my LJ.+

You guys almost had me fooled until I read the part about the animal sanctuary, then it went downhill in believability. I wouldn’t put it past Lucas Arts to do something like that. Though you can also tell it’s false because Tenal Ka’s missing forearm is on the wrong side (that is, unless she was actually drawn with two arms, it hard to tell in the picture). Sources show that it is clearly her left arm that was severed and the picture show her with her arm still intact. And she deffinatly looks too old in that picture for it to have been before the incident.