April 11, 2009

Religion, Part Two

"I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen." - Martin Luther

It was late. Both kids were soundly sleeping in the next room. I was sitting on the bed, book in hand, bawling. Between sobs I told my puzzled husband, "I think I'm going to be a Protestant!"

I was reading -- muddling through, really -- a book of Christian history that was far over my head. It was written by a Lutheran theologian, it so happens. I got to the part about the Reformation. To my great dismay, I was rooting helplessly for the reformers.

After much soul searching, I decided that the only thing my conscience would allow me to do was to begin worshipping in a Lutheran church. I wonder if anyone not raised Catholic could understand my great sorrow and reluctance. The world had been divided for me long since into Catholics and non-Catholics, and now I was non-.

My reluctance never abated, but I acted in obedience to what I believed then -- and believe now -- to be a call from God. For seven years I lived as a too-Catholic Protestant. Today, I am a too-Protestant Catholic.

Religion is how I have always understood and defined my faith. Rote prayer and spontaneous. Lectionary and Bible. Tradition and scripture. Authority and freedom. Alpha and omega.

Today, I have to face this solemn and painful truth: Neither the Catholic nor the Protestant iterations of religion has encompassed my lived experience. The rhythms of the mass resonate to my core. The scriptures do too -- when I study them and come to my own understanding of them as history and story and truth. Sacrament embodies the reality of the Risen Christ. But I am saved by grace through faith.

Nine years ago I became willing to abandon my Catholicism as a way to respond radically to God's call. I received in return nothing less than Christ, who can never now be taken from me. Am I willing today to abandon the desire to fit into a single religious mold, Catholic or Protestant, and discover what I may receive from God in return?

3 comments:

"I am the church, you are the church, we are the church together. . . I'll go follow Jesus, all around the world. . . yes we're the church together." This was a Sunday school song that stuck. I think it is supposed to be a song of unity and yet it actually makes a point about a major problem. . . "we are the church," the church is made up of people. . . a sinful, prideful, picky lot. It has got to be part of the Lord's refining fire plan that we join for corporate worship and community. . . because no matter; Catholic or non, we fail to get it right. . . to worship Him in spirit and in truth all the time differences aside. I love that you are listening for His voice, and are obedient to His calling on your life. . . I love that you live in a devotional, one-piece fashion. . . authentically. Well done . . . well doing :). . . This is one way to live with outstretched hands ready to recieve what He has to give us.