Inbox 9.7.05

If you're not a Mormon, the
terms in the following email may be a little puzzling. The "LDS" standard is a
type of honor code common at Mormon schools. A "ward" is like a sub-sector of
the Mormon public, and it determines where and when you go to church and who
you're going to church with. Forward your moral outrage to inbox@rochester-citynews.com.

--- Michael Neault

From: Stephanie C.
To: Meredith B.
Subject: immodesty
Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2004
Dear Meredith:
I don't really feel right
about sending you this message but I felt it still needed to be aired. I have a
boyfriend who attends your ward and I have learned that he has repeatedly been
distracted by your appearance. I know of this because I just recently overheard
him passing crude remarks in reference to your body in a phone conversation
with one of his friends. A girl I know who attends the same ward gave me your
name and I looked it up in the directory so I could contact you in a polite
way.
You may be an attractive woman, but dressing in ways that
deliberately put emphasis on your bodily curves and feminine clothing (often
tight and revealing your bottom and panty-line --- which my boyfriend has a
weakness for) is not the proper way to present yourself in a spiritual setting.
I have a strong feeling that he is not the only guy who feels the same way
about you. This is very sinful on your part, in my opinion. He is trying hard
to live by the LDS standard and live a moral life, and he and other guys would
be better off without the distractions that come from women of low moral
standards.
Whether or not you are intent on causing young men
temptation, please consider carrying yourself in a more modest manner for
everyone's sake.
Stephanie
-------------------------------
From: Meredith B.
To: Stephanie C.
Subject: My bottom and panty line
Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2004
Dear Stephanie:
Thanks very much for your
concern regarding my modesty. My friends and I all laughed very heartily over
your email and reached the conclusion that 1) you are someone playing a joke or
2) very mistaken about who I am. I hope that the former is true, as it would
mean you're fairly clever, ironic, and amusing. If the latter is true --- that
you really are a concerned girlfriend emailing a complete stranger because
she's tempting your boyfriend with her scandalous clothing --- then I feel
pretty bad for you.
First, my choice of wardrobe, though it's really none of
your business, happens to be among the most conservative (coverage wise) that
anyone has ever seen. I wear long, relatively baggy skirts and generally some
kind of frumpy sweater. In short, I dress more like a school marm or a librarian
than a seductive siren. I wish I had
the capabilities to take a photo of myself in such an ensemble in order to
illustrate this principle better, however, my description is hopefully
demonstrative enough to suggest that I am neither attractive nor an immodest
dresser.
Secondly, if your boyfriend does indeed have a weakness
for panty lines, as you claim, and if he habitually makes lewd comments to his
friends on the telephone, it would perhaps be advisable to take some time to
evaluate your relationship. Maybe I don't have the most experience with
relationships (I am, after all, a very unattractive school marm)
but it seems quite dysfunctional for a presumably grown woman to contact
perfect strangers about her boyfriend's wandering eyes rather than to speak to
the boyfriend directly. If your boyfriend is a wanderer, maybe he's not that
great of a catch. It seems as though the worst thing to deal with in a relationship
would be mistrust. Also, if I ever had the opportunity to speak with your
boyfriend, I would similarly advise him to reconsider his courtship of a
neurotic, potentially dangerously jealous girlfriend such as yourself.
Furthermore, there is perhaps no better way to illustrate
one's piety and righteousness than to be moralizing and judgmental, as you have
been. I believe you accused me of being a "woman of low moral standards"
and of being "very sinful." Thanks so much for taking the moral high
ground in this situation --- it exhibits your profound maturity and I can
assure you that the opinion of a relatively inarticulate stranger is certainly
apt to greatly influence my choice in clothing styles. If you are really
concerned about the way I dress, maybe we could arrange a time for me to come
over and browse through your saintly closet and pick out (only to borrow, of
course) a few items that might be more appropriate. Additionally, the fact that
you seem to be surrounded by young men who are constantly tempted by women in
immodest clothing demonstrates your ability to pick great friends. Perhaps if
you all had some hobbies it would keep your mind off such inappropriate
thoughts. Some suggestions might include taking up knitting, joining a
shuffleboard class, volunteering with the elderly (or maybe they dress too
scandalously as well), or learning to oil paint. The point is,
find some other things to do besides get distracted by what others are doing.
Again, I appreciate your concern and hope that you will
find the actual person to whom you were intending to write. I also hope that
you have a talk with your winner of a boyfriend about his temptations and if
you are worried about maintaining morality in your own relationship, I might
suggest wearing a thong, as they don't produce the panty lines for which your
boyfriend has such a weakness. If, on the other hand, you happen to be someone
I know who is simply playing a practical joke (my first reaction, as your email
really was absurd) please come forward so that I can congratulate you on your
fine sense of humor. Good luck and please let me know if you ever notice my
shorts getting too short or my midriff being exposed, etc. Thanks!
Regards,
Meredith B.