Saturday, 16 February 2013

Life to the fullest.

Just to confirm that I am still here and still trying to lose weight. I in fact had my most impressive weight loss yet last Monday of 3lb(!) but haven't really felt much like writing. Nothing personal to any of you I promise, just felt a bit disconnected from the blogosphere, but am now back and ready to attack etc etc.

I have been thinking a lot recently about how every second of every day it is an absolute miracle that all our cells and organs and the like are all working and that we are all even alive. I have decided that I am going to take the miracle that is my existence as a human and make the most of it and try to be healthy. I am not going to lie to any of you, I have never once particularly cared about being healthy. Even when I started this blog, health was seriously not at all the aim, I didn't really care if I was so unhealthy that I cried fat instead of tears as long as I was thinner (Well, what's the point in lying?). But I've really had a change of heart.

Over the past 7-9 months my fitness has really improved. It is still awful, but I am trying to think of where I once was. I once really struggled to run for 60 seconds without stopping, and this is no exaggeration. I went to a gym induction in August 2011 where my fitness was tested. It was beyond awful. I couldn't even walk at a fast pace for a long time, could not cycle for more than two minutes, could not lift the lightest weight. I came home and I cried and cried. I'm sure many of us have been there. But now I am much better. I can make it through an hour's fitness class and remain alive. I can run for about 8-9 minutes without stopping (I know that sounds like NOTHING but anyone who has started from zero should understand that achievement). I am stronger and I am fitter. So why stop here? I want to be the best and most healthy I can be.

This applies to food as well. If I bought myself a Mulberry handbag (WHICH I WILL ONE DAY) I would not pour fat into it with a jug, so why do I essentially do the same to my body, which is believe it or not worth so much more than a Mulberry handbag?

I'm 22 years old, and should be at the prime of my physical health and fitness. I do not want to waste it anymore. I don't want to be the woman who died as she ate too much and then the paramedics had to cut her off the sofa. I don't want them to have to siphon off the lard before they can do the post-mortem. I want to be able to run a 5k, I want to have good skin, I want to be able to carry the shopping up the stairs. I want to one day be wizened and old and sharing my top tips with the local newspaper.

I don't want to give up and one day regret it, even if it's in decades time.

Weight loss is undoubtedly also important. My new goal not to waste a second of any day is about so much more than just my health. I'm not a yes woman and I'm probably never going to do anything that's particularly going to inspire anyone but you don't have to be doing things that are 'Exciting' not to waste a second. Maybe it's the type of person I am, but I'd rather have lots of memories of drinking wine with my family, nights in cooking for my boyfriend, Nando's with my friends, and just well-deserved and well-appreciated time to myself than "LOOK!!!!1111 I'M IN SOUTH EAST ASIA!!!111" (No disrespect to anyone who has been travelling to South East Asia, I'm sure it's lovely). Anyway, I don't want to waste any of this time with low self-esteem or having to worry about how I look in any particular outfit. I want to be confident about my appearance. And also, I've already banged on for ages about being healthy and having a healthy BMI is no doubt an offshoot of that.

Anyhow, after that essay am slightly ashamed to say it's been a poor week, Valentines' Day was a bit of a write off and it's not gone on well from there. However, onwards and 'downwards' - one day I will get off the couch and run that London Marathon, just got to get fitter and get there........ I will start with 3 Frame classes in 3 consecutive days next week, eek!

2 comments:

Good for you! I know exactly where you are coming from, sometimes I think how angry I'm going to be at my young self at 40 for wasting so much time in low self esteem and worrying. I also think how brilliant it would be to have STRONG LEGS that can run forever and arms that can PUNCH, not to be all "look at me I'm really fit and healthy", but in feeling vital and self realiant and alive. Which may sound a bit naff but as I'm sining "IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER!" in my head I don't care :p