Look Who Stopped By

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I've never been much of a video game kind of gal and haven't actually owned one since the original Nintendo. I'm also not the kind of person to spend ridiculous amounts of money on anything electronic. I don't even own a DVD player.

But I would so give up being both of those people for this!

I know last Christmas there was nothing synonymous about the words cheap and Nintendo Wii, but it's been out a year and if you look hard enough you can find some fairly cheap Wii games.

And if you absolutely have to give your kid a game then making it one that will help keep them healthy is the best gift idea ever. Heck make it a family event and get healthy together.

Ladies, have a husband dealing with high blood pressure, but just won't get his tush up out of the recliner? Here's a way to get him moving and groovin' and spend time with the kids while he's at it. Don't have kids? Tempt him with a winter vacation to a ski lodge next year, one where after a fun day out on the slopes he'll find you dressed as his favorite snow bunny in front of a warm fire, if he uses the Wii Ski Slalom game to improve his skill that is. Wink Wink

I personally want it to master my currently non-existing hula hooping skill. I might eventually work my way up to the Yoga poses, but that's a big might. Baby steps people.

Monday, November 24, 2008

As of 5 something a.m. this morning, I officially turned the ripe old age of

Since 33 is a fairly uneventful age, I thought I'd look up some things that happened the day I was born. Seems that day was pretty uneventful too.

Monday, November 24, 1975
Top News Headlines This Week:

Nov 24 - "Boccaccio" opens at Edison Theater NYC for 7 performances

Top Songs for 1975
Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell
Fly, Robin, Fly by Silver Convention
Bad Blood by Neil Sedaka
That's the Way (I Like It) by KC & the Sunshine Band
Love Will Keep Us Together by Captain & Tennille
Jive Talkin' by Bee Gees
Island Girl by Elton John
He Don't Love You by Tony Orlando & Dawn
Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John
Fame by David Bowie

Academy Award WinnersI'm taking this as a sign.The number one movie out the year I was born was about crazy people!
Best Picture: One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Directed By Milos Forman
Best Actor: Jack Nicholson
in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Best Actress: Louise Fletcher
in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

On TV in 1975M*A*S*H
The Bob Newhart Show
The Rockford Files
Little House on the Prairie
Happy Days
The Waltons
Columbo
Barney Miller
All in the Family
Emergency

Christmas is FAST approaching, and I do mean fast. Black Friday is just 4 days away, so for you crazy people who enjoy getting up at 3am to beat the hoards of insane shoppers you'd better get your wallets ready!

I am most definitely not one of those people. I abhor all things shopping. I know, I just lost major points from my girl card. I've just never been much of a shopper. I go in grab what I need and get the heck out.

Which is why stores like Kmart work for me. One stop shopping. Go in, grab it and get out!

They also make online shopping extremely convenient and affordable, so if you're on a budget, which I am, it's still possible to buy friends and family a pretty decent Christmas without breaking the bank.Don't know what to get your mom, sister or best girl friend? How about a super cute Kimono Wrap Sweater!

Want to really make your girlfriend or wife feel extra special this year? Try a 1/4ct tw Diamond 5-Stone Journey Pendant and Earrings Set in 10K Yellow or White Gold.

Both at an extra 10% off if you shop online. The sale price will show up when you check out.

Friday, November 21, 2008

So I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm,So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you

Life's a dance you learn as you go,Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain,But I'd have had to miss the dance

It’s naturalIt’s chemical (let’s do it)It’s logicalHabitual (can we do it?)It’s sensualBut most of all ...Sex is something..

Sorry got off track for a moment. The third and fourth ones aren't George Michael, and the last one..well my mind wandered for a moment.

Life is like a dance huh? I suppose I can see that.

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately {like that's something I don't already do entirely too much of} and I guess you could say I've realized that I think I'm missing the dance.

Not entirely, I mean I got all prettied up, put on my make-up, squeezed into my fancy dress and uncomfortable shoes and I went to the gymnasium, but that's where my dance stopped.

Instead of getting out on the floor and shaking my bon bon, I've stood on the sidelines and watched everyone else make fools of themselves. I watched everyone else - have fun.

I guess I should warn you now - this may be long, and it's probably going to ramble.

I've been talking to a new friend the past few days about life, how people process things in their lives and the ever nagging, yet never answered question in the back of every obsessive compulsive's mind - WHY?

Why do things happen the way they do?Why they happen when they do?Why do they always seem to happen to other people instead of me or vice versa?

I'm going to say something now that might sound completely ridiculous, but the people reading this who are like me, they will totally get it.

Some times being smart sucks ass. And I'm not specifically talking high IQ smart, or street smart, or book smart or any kind of smart classified by some kind of test.

I'm talking about being the kind of smart that refuses to ever ever ever let your brain rest. The kind that keeps you up because you're always thinking about something new you learned, or something you want to learn, or something you know you should have learned but didn't and can't quite figure out why you haven't.

Heck maybe that has nothing to do with being smart at all, maybe it's just my jacked up brain, but I do know I'm smart, and I honestly truly believe that if I were less intelligent, less of a 'thinking person' I'd be much more at peace with my life than I am now.

Things with PT and I are not going well. In fact they are close to falling over the edge of not going at all.

My life, the experiences I've had, my seeming inability to properly process things, and my insatiable desire to know why, how, what, when and why some more, about everything I come across just may have proven to be more than this particular 'relationship' can handle.

I've come to the conclusion that my emotional, physical and mental psyches have split personalities. Not like 'Hi Im Syble, No! I'm Syble!!' split personalities, more like opposite sides of a coin that are never able to mesh.

The Emotional: There is a part of me that is completely apathetic to life and everything in it. I don't care about work, school, friends, family, nothing. I really don't want to be bothered to hear about your day or how you're feeling. I just. don't. care.

Then there is a part that is, in the recent words of an old school friend, 'a brilliant empath'. I feel everything. About everything. I can read someone in a second just by looking at them and feel everything they feel, and desire to reach out in any way I can to help.

The Mental: It is what it is. Crap happens. Put on your big girl panties, deal with it and move on.

Why? Why did that happen? Why did he say that? Is that what he meant or was he trying to be nice? What if I were like that person, would I have more friends? Why, Why, Why?

The Physical: The physical I think is a combination of all three; physical, mental and emotional. On one hand I'm the nice girl, the good girl who believes in love and commitment and happily every after. That sharing yourself with someone is special and that someone can melt your soul with a kiss.

Then there's the girl who just wants to f**k. No strings, no attachments, no feelings, just physical, physical, physical. Wham, bam, thank you - you get the point.

In 32 years of life I have yet to figure out how to get any of those two sides of myself to peacefully coexist.

I lack the ability to deal in shades of gray. I'm either all one, or all the other, but never a healthy combination of any.

So - PT.

When PT and I first started talking I did not allow myself to be interested. He was young and I just wasn't going to go there. But he was cute and charming and funny and I finally said what the heck.

So we went out and if you haven't already done so, you can read about the absolutely most perfect first date ever-here-.

The instant I met him something just clicked in me and I felt safe. I felt completely at ease, comfortable, good. I felt good about myself, I felt like I could be who I was, issues and all, and he would not look at me any differently.

I have to tell you, that is NOT something I feel often. I have only ever felt like that with one other person in my life and that was my ex-fiance. I'll let the EX part speak for itself.

So in talking to the friend I mentioned earlier and things PT has said, I've begun to realize that part of the reason things have gone so drastically wrong is how I reacted to that safe feeling.

When you go through your life never really feeling like you fit, never feeling like you belong in any group, or that anyone ever really understands you, and then you find someone who gives you that missing feeling you want to grab on to it for all it's worth.

So in trying too hard to 'keep a good thing' once I'd found it, I've inadvertently succeeded in pushing it away.

Right now things are very tense. He feels smothered, but he's leaving in a week so I want to cling. I've tried to back off and just be a friend, but everyone is different and it seems that where this is one of the times that my mental processing switches to the 'ok crap happened, move on' setting, he needs time to sort things out and get past stuff that's already happened before he can move on to everything 'being ok'. It sucks, and I'm sad and angry and hurt and confused and yet hopeful all at the same time.

I'm angry that my lack of male/female social interaction growing up has left me ill equipped to deal with situations like these.

I'm confused about why I can't seem to be ok with 'not knowing why'. Why I always push and push and push instead of just standing back and letting things happen in their own time.

I'm hurt and sad that my actions have caused him stress and anxiety.

Yet, I'm hopeful, because in spite of all of my spazzing out he still hasn't given up on me.

He's leaving this Thursday for Japan and we'll email. Maybe not as much as I'd like, and definitely not as much as the talking every day we have been doing, but it's something, and for now, in the bigger picture of how things have been and how they could have turned out - it's more than enough.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Life has been pretty turbulent the past few weeks. I've not really blogged about anything that means anything in a while and that's mainly the reason why.

I just don't know what to say.

So instead of trying to dig past all of the scramble that is my brain of late and find something intelligible to say I'm going to let the guys from Lifehouse say it for me.

This song is a fairly accurate (read exact) description of how I feel lately.

I just pray something changes, and soon before barely holding on becomes losing my grip.

The Broken clock is a comfortIt helps me sleep tonightMaybe it can stop tomorrowFrom stealing all my timeAnd I am here still waitingThough I still have my doubtsI am damaged at bestLike you've already figured out

The broken locks were a warningYou got inside my headI tried my best to be guardedI'm an open book insteadAnd I still see your reflectionInside of my eyesThat are looking for purposeThey're still looking for life

I'm hanging on another dayJust to see what, you will throw my wayAnd I'm hanging on, to the words you sayYou said that I will, will be okayThe broken light on the freewayLeft me here aloneI may have lost my way nowBut I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apartI'm barely breathingWith a broken heartThat's still beatingIn the painThere is healingIn your nameI find meaningSo I'm holding onBarely holding on to youBarely holdin on to you

Me: What?PPR: So what's upMe: Let me guess, you're in town, leaving the chic's house and want to stop by.PPR: Ah come on now - it's not like that. Yea I am in town, but I thought maybe we could get some breakfast and hang out for a few.

five more minutes of random BS....

Me: What is it that makes you think I'll ever change my mind and decide to become a part of your harem?PPR: I like you.Me: You don't KNOW me.PPR: Well one day you're going to need it. And I want to be the one to give it to you, I'd give you the royal treatment. I mean I give all the ladies the royal treatment, but for you, you get the royal royal treatment.Me:PPR: Ok you suck, I just thought we could hang out, get some breakfast and stuff.Me:

Then one of us dropped the call and I went and stood under the shower for half an hour wondering why, why is it that I have guys like this coming out of the wood work but the one guy my scrambled heart and brain decided to connect with doesn't like me back.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It's been a while since I've blogged about the goings between PT and myself. There is a very good reason for that, and it's not because nothing has been going on, it has. Sort of.

No, the reason I haven't written about him lately is because he's moving.

To Okinawa Japan. On freaking Thanksgiving day. And

Way to ruin a holiday.

In a few weeks I will go from having been able to talk to him pretty much every day, either via text or on the phone to what I dread will ultimately result in the occasional e-mail.

I've been trying to put off talking about this for as long as I can to delay the inevitable sob fest that will most definitely occur upon his departure.

I'm not going to do the whole catch up on what's been happening thing today, but it's been a while since I've mentioned him so I did want to give a basic update.

In a nutshell -

Girl is single for wayyyyyyyyy too longGuy asks girl outGirl says yesGuy gives girl the absolute best first date everGirl falls in total crush with guyGuy tells girl "You're cool & I'd really like to get to know you but I'm moving"Girl and guy hang out anyway, make out, hang out, etc.Guy moves - Across the WORLD!Girl falls apartGuy and girl email now and then

Of the last three, the first and second are a certainty, the very last one - we'll see. I'm trying to be positive and see this is an opportunity to really get to know each other without all that crazy physical chemistry that keeps getting in the way. And he's not moving forever, just a year or two while he finishes school, so truly God Himself only knows what may happen down the road, but I do know for sure I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Once the departure date has passed and I can manage to go an hour or two without blubbering like a completely besotted idiot, I'll go more into detail about everything that's happened and why he's moving to, of all places, Japan. Until then....

Monday, November 10, 2008

I had to make a visit to the 9th circle of hades last night, also known as Wal-mart, to take my mom grocery shopping, and as we walked in the doors right smack in the middle of the walk way was a Christmas Tree.

Thanksgiving hasn't even made it yet and stores are already pushing sleigh bell door knockers and blinking lawn deer.

Last year my sister informed me that I was being placed in charge of making sure Santa sent a letter to my niece every year. Santa, of course, being me. Well my handwriting sucks and I have no idea what Santa would say to a kid so I hopped online to see if I could find a service that specialized in such a thing.

Lucky me there is. It's a neat idea really. They send a hand written letter on 'official' Santa stationary, and the envelope has a North Pole post mark. I know as we get older we eventually lose our child like believe in Jolly Old St. Nick, but I still think it's important to keep the dream alive for kids as long as we can.

Last year I didn't find the site in time to order, but this year Marley will definitely be getting a Letter From Santa.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

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A few months ago this guy messaged me on POF. If you're new to my blog and haven't been following my dating misadventures - first of all Welcome!, secondly POF is short for Plenty of Fish, a dating website I signed up on a while back.

So this guy, who from here on out will be known as PPR, short for the Persistent Puerto Rican, messages me on POF. We talk back in forth in email a few times, move to Yahoo IM, then exchange numbers. Communication with PPR is some what sparse. He'll text me or message me maybe 3 to 5 times a month to say hi, what's up, or more often 'you should come over'.

PPR lives on the coast in Mississippi, which is about a 45-55 minute drive from Mobile, so it's pretty funny to me that he'd really think there would be any possibility of me just hopping on over there for some booty, no matter good I'm sure it would be.

I don't know how much you know about the Puerto Rican culture, or Latinos in general but they are, for the most part, very passionate people. They are also usually very confident and quite bold in their approach.

PPR is no different. From the very beginning he was clear that he was interested in 'hooking up'. A phrase that he seems to be fond of is 'beat the brakes off of it'. So klassy.

Guys like PPR don't bother me. I would much rather a man be up front about his intentions than act all respectful and nice guy like to lure you into thinking they are genuine, then blind side you down the road when they turn out to be a total jerk.

Plus he has a habit of mixing English and Spanish when he talks and has an incredibly sexy accent so I'd chat with him for that alone.

Anyway, so the other morning at 5:50am my phone rings. I was only half awake and not really thinking yet so I answered it. It was PPR. Turns out he's in town and wanted to 'stop by' to meet and say hi.

Just in case you read over it too quickly for it to sink in let me repeat something for you. It was 5:50 AM! I'm in bed, half asleep, hair all wild, haven't cleared the goo from my eyes yet and this guy wants to just come on by?!?

I start off by asking him if he's lost his ever loving mind. Although, I think what I actually said was 'Are you Crazy?!' I told him I was still in bed, so he says 'that's ok, I can come crawl in behind you and rub your back for you'.

Again with the 'Are you crazy?!'

I found myself being more amused that he would think this particular call might actually prove successful than I was irritated at being called at the butt crack of dawn. So I tell him then that I had to get up in a few to shower and get ready for work, trying to hint in a round about way without exactly saying so that I didn't want him to come over.

'That's OK too, I can come soap your back for you'

If I gave out gold stars for persistence this guy would have gotten like five of them. Right then.

By this point curiosity had gotten the better of me and I ask him what he's doing in Mobile at 5am. He works for a phone company doing customer service and tech support so I knew he travels sometimes, but I didn't think Mobile was in his service area. Turns out he'd come over the night before to 'beat the brakes' off this 'shorty' that he's been seeing and was just leaving her house when he called me.

Yes I'm serious.

I'll give you a moment...

I know, right?!

So I start cracking up, and the funniest thing is that he's totally serious. He's not 'dating' this chic, he's just 'servicing her needs' and sees absolutely nothing wrong what-so-ever with calling me right after he leaves her house.

I've told him repeatedly that I am in no way, shape or form interested in allowing myself to become another notch on his bed post, and he keeps saying that it's cool, we don't have to hook up, he just wants to hang out and get to know each other.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

I think I may really need to just give up on dating altogether. Between the thing with PT, which I've been putting off blogging about again but will soon; the nutso film guy wanna be that I blogged about here, a phone call I received from the Persistent Puerto Rican this morning at freaking 5:45am which I'll blog about after this and the IM I received this morning I've about reached my I've had enough point.

I'm sitting at my desk, going through my morning routine of checking out people.com for my daily dose of celebreality, when the little window pops up on my yahoo messenger showing that someone has requested to add me to their messenger friends.

I know I put my messenger ID on POF and Okcupid for people to be able to talk to me, but you can message someone without adding them as a friend. It's called a 'friend' for a reason. The people who are on my messenger are people I don't mind talking to on a regular or at least some what regular basis. It may just be me but I think it's kind of rude to just go adding people without asking them first if they mind.

So anyway - here's the very brief and spastic conversation that proceeded. Once again I've changed the userid to protect the privacy of the fella involved.

Overeager Boy: hey i saw you on pof i was gonna send a message but i live further than 75 milesOvereager Boy: i am 29/m/troy,al no kids never been marriedDmpl Grl: Good morningOvereager Boy: sorry to bother you i see you at work i hope we can tlk ltrOvereager Boy: good morningDmpl Grl: no bother lol I don't actually do much "work" at workOvereager Boy: hahaha well i sometimes go to my brothers shop but its bout to go outta business so i am lookin for other job as wellOvereager Boy: just so you know i live with my father at this time tryin to get a loan and money for a car i was goin out with a girl things didnt work outOvereager Boy: so now i live here and my car was fallin to pieces in stopped runnin but i know this sounds badOvereager Boy: im a good guyOvereager Boy: lolOvereager Boy: i justs want someone to give all my love tooOvereager Boy: so tell me bout youDmpl Grl: wow slow down tiger lolOvereager Boy: lolOvereager Boy: coffeeOvereager Boy: lolOvereager Boy: Overeager Boy: Overeager Boy: well you gonna be on i am doin laundry bout to get a shower maybe we can tlk ltr i would like thtDmpl Grl: I leave my messenger on while I'm at work most of the time - I'm never on after workOvereager Boy: have a great ohOvereager Boy: well i want to tlk to youOvereager Boy: ahh can i call youOvereager Boy: i live hours away from mobile i have a internet phonereason i am askin its freeOvereager Boy: for meDmpl Grl: I'm sorry I don't give out my number until I've talked to someone online for quite some timeOvereager Boy: yeha thts cool i didnt mean it like tht im just gettin off ofhere maybe we can tlk ltr ok take care have a great day but i have to go check clothes ttyl be good i will be back ltr cause i want to tlk and you a pretty womanOvereager Boy: Dmpl Grl: I think you may be just a little too hyper for me. Thank you though for the compliment. Have a good day!Overeager Boy: no i have been up all night went with a friend to work at this motel i havent slept since sunday night but i am about to go to bed after i get a shower im sorry i didnt mean to come across tht way hopefully we can tlk ltr i have made a ass outta myself take careOvereager Boy:

My online-dating coach and self-professed One Date Wonder, Jane Wonder says that I'm not giving guys a fair chance. That maybe because of the thing with PT, I may be holding myself back.

I've gone on one date with another guy since the 'best first last date ever' with PT and while he was really nice and cute, there was just no attraction for me. He didn't talk much, was too shy and I just really wasn't into him. I've met another guy who I still talk to and will continue to be friends with, but there's no attraction with him either. There's a 3rd guy who I've been talking to in email and text, yet again -no attraction on my part.

Then there's the Persistent Puerto Rican who I'll blog about after this - but attraction or no I'm not going there!

I know everything happens for a reason, but I'm having a really hard time understanding why, after 5 years, out of all the guys I meet when I finally decide to start dating, the one I really like would have to be the one who wasn't looking for a relationship and is moving across the world in 3 weeks. :(