The Couch

You hadn't seen your father in such a long time
He died in the arms of his lover
How dare he
Your mother never left the house
She never married anyone else
You took it upon yourself to console her

You reminded her so much of your father
So you were banished
And you wonder why you're so hypersensitive
And why you can't trust anyone but us
But then how can I begin to forgive her
So many years under bridges with dirty water
She was foolish and selfish and cowardly if you ask me

I don't know where to begin in all my 50 odd years
I have been silently suffering and adapting, perpetuating, and enduring
Who are you younger generation to tell me that I have unresolved problems
Not many examples of fruits of this type of excruciating labor

How can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
I feel fine, we may not have been born as awake as you were
It was much harder in those days, we had paper routes uphill both ways
We went from school to a job to wife to instant parenthood

I walked into his office, I felt so self-conscious on thecouch.
He was sitting down across from me, he was writing down his hypothesis.
I don't know
I've got a loving supportive wife who doesn't know how involved she should get
You say his interjecting was him just calling me on my shit

Just the other day, my sweet daughter, I was driving past 203
I walked up the stairs in my mind's eye
I remember how they would creak loudly
She was only responsive with a drink
He was only responsive by photo
I was only trying to be the best big brother I could

I've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack openwide
Sometimes indignant, sometimes raw
Can you imagine I pay him 75 dollars an hour sometimes
It feels like highway robbery
And sometimes it's peanuts
I wish it could last a couple more hours

So here we both are battling similar demons (not coincidentally)
You see in getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually
You're not relinquishing your majestry
You are wise, you are warm, you are courageous, you are big
And I love you more now than I ever have in my whole life