Last night I had this vivid feeling that a car accident was going to happen, so I kept reminding myself to get plenty of sleep, and ride slowly in the morning.

This morning Chouchou let out a long mourn, kept climbing in and out, when I followed her, I found Pajama (her baby) lying by the front door, blood coming out from her nose, ears, eyes…blood stain was on the road, I think Chouchou dragged her body back. A neighbor said it’s by a car.

When I was wrapping her up, Chouchou was in the house chewing a cardboard box, hunting fish and leaves.

May all your favourite memories be with you.

Pajama 8.25 - 12.18, 2017

2017.11.24

Am reading 《The Life and Times of Jamyang Khyentse Chökyi Lodrö》and became very interested in Khandro Tsering, Jamyang Rinpoche's wife. The two images of her later years here was her with the reincarnation of her late husband, the profound teacher Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche. The transformation of physical life is fascinating.

One of the interviews of Leonard with Anjani, Anjani said that, they had a very normal life, he's a good partner, and a good cook.

For many years I had a fear of living a "normal life", now I realize that, the "normal life" I feared of, was not the "normal" side itself, but the rotting side in it that I saw; and now I know, in some normal forms, it can be filled with light. (Image: Leonard Cohen 2016)

11.19

懂得伪装，大概是成长的一个里程碑。中午上楼，听见房间传来ipad的声音，房门反锁，敲门两分钟后沙利文才走过来开门，临开门前听见他在念叨《Sound of Colors》（吉米的地下铁），果真抱着这本书来开门。ipad横躺在床上温温的。

傍晚听见打火机的声音，我走出来，他捧起一盘观音莲冲着我傻笑，桌上有半片烧剩的叶子。

恭喜你，长大了。

Learning to lie probably is a milestone in growing up. This morning I heard cartoon music from the iPad, bedroom door was locked, I knocked, Sullivan came open the door after a few minutes, just before he got to the door, I heard him saying “Sound of Colors”, he did open the door with the book 《Sound of Colors》 (an illustration book by a Taiwanese artist). iPad was lying on the bed, still warm.

Evening time hearing the sound of pressing a lighter, I walked out of the kitchen, he picked up a pot of cactus and gave me a smile, on the table there was a half burnt leave.

If your kitten was given to the neighbor, days later you saw that it was tied to a rope - typical Chinese way - but it’s sitting in the sun (on a cushion) licking its paws, and the grandma was combing her hair next to him, mother and child were playing with it in the evenings. Would you be tempted to go tell them to untie the kitten, or is that crossing the border?