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Call me old-fashioned, but there is nothing better than a man in a suit. I love suits, so much that I know the rules of the suit lifestyle. I know what’s appropriate, and how to wear a suit if you want to look like a real pro. If I see a guy not wearing a suit correctly, ohhh I judge. I judge hard. I just love suits.

One of my favorite things to do while watching a sports game is to check out the suits of commentators, coaches and injured players. Malik Rose’s fabulous tie collection (if you have two hours I can tell you all about it…AMAZING!) and it makes my day when Magic Johnson decides to go with the full three-piece suit. I can even respect Charles Barkley’s humongous neck and lack of tie because he pulls off the look anyway. I’m not crazy about it, but I deal. Why? Because I love and respect a sharp-dressed man in the media. It’s just the way it should be.

So what don’t I love? When a rich and famous athlete is too busy being rich and famous to throw on a suit and look like a professional. Case in point: last night’s 76ers-Bulls game. Now I was already bummed out after the Phillies’ loss and the Flyers’ loss to take them out of the playoffs (seriously…ughhhhhh) in the same night so I was going into that last game of the night feeling pretty grumpy and that’s when I saw Joakim Noah. On the bench for a sprained ankle, Joakim decided he was a little too busy not doing his job (yeah, yeah, yeah sports fanatics I know that’s not exactly the case, just let me rant) to actually put himself together and dress like an adult. So he parks himself down in nasty, old-looking brown khakis, an over-sized and untucked v-neck, a blazer that looks like it needs a trip to the cleaners, and a gigantic bauble necklace that looks like something my grandmother owns. My jaw dropped for about a second, which was followed by a nice, long rant to my boyfriend (he deals with a lot of my anger-rants about celebrity clothing, I’m pretty sure I might give him a complex about his own style soon) about what a disgrace this “dude” is.

First of all Joakim, cut your hair. A messy bun isn’t a good look on girls, and you can’t pull it off either. Second of all, ditch the bracelets, you’re not Enrique Iglesias in 2001, wear a shirt with buttons, and put on a damn belt! What is this outfit? You think you look cool? Do you think any woman finds you more attractive because you forgot to do your laundry yesterday? Do you think the “just rolled out of bed and into my professional career where I make a ton of money but don’t care because I have no respect for anyone or anything” look will land you a smart and sensible lady? It won’t!

Listen guys, wearing a suit isn’t that hard to do. Ohhh it hurts my neck ohhh there isn’t a stretchy waist band… enough. Women wear heels every damn day. They stab their heads with a million pins and cover their faces in makeup. They dangle big giant earring from their ears and resist the urge to pull at stockings and strapless dresses and itchy fabrics all in the name of looking good. All you have to do is remember to unbutton your jacket when you sit down and wear a tie. That’s it!

Athletes of the world, it’s time to man up. You’re representing a team that pays you a lot of money with fans that put a lot of energy and pride into caring about you and your outcome. The least you can do is show a little respect and dress like you care about your job and your fans.