Thursday, June 28, 2007

Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, the internet's most updated blog. I am your host Slackertoee. So, this afternoon I had an interview for a new job at Disney. It's an office job where I get to sit on my ass and type on a computer all day. If that's not a job with my name on it, what is? It’s so hot today, Britney Spears said that if she wore underpants, today she wouldn’t wear them. Thank God Paris Hilton is out of prison. Yesterday at Paris’ compound, she had a hair stylist come to the house to add hair extensions. First day out of prison — hair extensions. Ladies and gentlemen — it’s like I have a twin. Now Paris has to do community service. Man — wait a minute. Community service? You’re telling me an Internet sex video is not community service? Paris Hilton spoke to Larry King. Larry seemed almost bored. He asked what was the mystery medical illness. She said it was claustrophobia. You mean to tell she had claustrophobia and they kept her in jail? What kind of barbaric society is this? Maybe she meant chlamydia. I don’t know. Independence Day is next week. It falls on July 4 this year. One of the things I love, is the fireworks safety videos. It’s that time of year again where we blow up mannequins. So if you’re a mannequin, be very careful this year. Saddam Hussein’s buddy Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death. I feel bad for his wife, Chemical Shirley. Wal-Mart is getting an advance shipment of the final Harry Potter book. They’ve asked their employees not to reveal the ending because they don’t want to spoil it for fans. Wal-Mart said the first thing they did was fire the greeter, who was saying, "Welcome to Wal-Mart; Harry is dead.” Yankees’ Jason Giambi has told Major League Baseball he will testify about his own steroid use, but he will not mention the names of any other players. Instead he said he’s going to talk about someone whose name rhymes with Harry Honds. They’re going to reveal President Bush’s presidential library. The committee in charge of President Bush’s presidential library said that they want the building to reflect the spirit of the Bush presidency. In other words, they’re just gonna build some stuff, and see what happens. This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the blaze. Last week was the 2007 Ugliest Dog competition. It’s a real contest. I’m not making it up. Back in 1992 my girlfriend at the time won.

UNLUCKIEST MUSICIANS

Oct. 25, 2004 was probably the worst Saturday night of Ashlee Simpson's life. The singer, who was making her debut appearance on "Saturday Night Live," was caught lip-synching when the vocals for the wrong song came through the speakers at a time when the microphone was nowhere near Ashlee's mouth. The vocal was quickly silenced, and Ashlee did a nervous jig onstage before sulking off. She later blamed her lip-synching on a bout of acid reflux, but was ridiculed for months after the event anyway.

R.I.P.

Chris Benoit: Makes ya wonder how many people Barry Bonds has strangled or smothered.Liz Claiborne: This season from Liz Claiborne. Black.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1905Dr. Beaurieux picks up the freshly-severed head of Henri Languille just after it drops into the guillotine basket and shouts the man's name three times. According to the doctor's report: "Languille's eyes very definitely fixed themselves on mine and the pupils focused themselves. ... I was dealing with undeniably living eyes which were looking at me."1914During a parade in Sarajevo, Nedjelko Cabrinovic tosses a grenade into the automobile carrying Archduke Franz Ferdinand and wife Sofia. But Ferdinand knocks the bomb away with his arm and his driver speeds away from the would-be assassin. A short while later, during the return drive, Gavrilo Princip pulls out an automatic pistol and kills both Ferdinand and his pregnant wife. Five weeks later, the continent of Europe erupts into World War I.1969The three-day Stonewall Riots, triggered by the police raid of a New York City gay bar, begin the gay rights movement.1997Mike Tyson is disqualified from a championship boxing bout after biting off a large portion of Evander Holyfield's ear. Tyson is later banned from boxing and fined $3 million for the incident. Tastes like chicken. <incidentally, my dad was in Vegas when that whole thing went down.>

PICK UP LINES

Your body must be a Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be named McGorgeous.Didn't we go to different schools together?I hear your body is made up of 75% water, and man, am I thirsty!God was showing off when he made you.Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice.Hi, are you here to meet a nice guy, or will I do?You must be a parking ticket, because you have fine written all over you.Excuse me, do you have a neck brace? I think I injured myself when I fell for you.Was your Dad in the Air Force? Because you're the bomb.Can I borrow your library card, because I'd like to check you out.You're more beautiful than 100 pink flamingos on a golf course.Baby, you're so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business. And speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?I don't think a firefighter could put you out.Do you know karate, because your body is kickin’.I think we should be lab partners because you and I have chemistry.I don't know if it's igneous or metamorphic, but baby, you rock.Kiss me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to go out with me?You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.If you're here, who's running heaven?

SHARPENING AXES

Aulophobia is the fear of flutes. The longest confirmed lifespan on record was that of Jeanne Louise Calment of France. She died in 1997 aged 122 years, 164 days. Email, in French, translates as "enamel." The oldest military unit is the Vatican's Swiss Guard. It dates back to January 21, 1506. American and Russian space flights have always included chocolate. The German phrase, "Sieg Heil," means "Hail to victory."The average cup of coffeecontains more than 1,000 different chemical components.Catwoman's real name is Selina Kyle. It is estimated that there are more than 169,518,829,100,544,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the first 10 moves in chess.George Michael's real name is George Panayiotou. The "Dull Men's Hall of Fame" is located in Carroll, Wisconsin. If you were to take a taxicab from New York City to Los Angeles, it would cost you $8,325. Tipping in restaurants in Iceland is considered insulting. Wyoming was the first state to give women the right to vote in 1869. About 20,000 elephants are killed by poachers every year. About 55 of all U.S. prisoners are in prison for drug offenses. Helvetica, the name of the popular font, derived from Helvitia, the Latin name for Switzerland. If humans could run as fast as a cockroach, we'd reach speeds of more than 300 m.p.h. One side of the Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men frolicking. The bloodiest battle in history was the Battle of Stalingrad, 1942-1943. More than 1.5 million people died.

NUTTED BY REALITY

I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again, "On The Lot" underwent a few more tweaks this week. To begin with, thanks to a somewhat revealing outfit, the studio audience was mere millimeters away from finding out what exactly resided on Adriana Costa's lot. I'm pretty sure Garry Marshall would have had a heart attack had this actually occurred. In addition, just a few minutes into the show, Adriana and Garry met with the directors during one of those behind-the-scenes sequences (that they don't utilize enough), and sent Jessica packing for the travesty of a film she submitted last week. I sure hope the show sticks to this method of crushing people's dreams because it's a lot less messy and a lot more concise. I think the producers finally figured out that this isn't "American Idol" and I'm relieved. A few other changes of note: Six directors showed films tonight instead of four directors showing slightly longer films like I expected. The directors also had a set genre this go around, which was a throwback to what they did earlier inthe competition. Finally, the directors who weren't filming this week showed up at the sets of the directors who were filming and offered some mostly forgettable commentary. I think that about covers all the tweaks. Tonight's guest judge was Mark Waters, director of Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, and Just Like Heaven.

HEROES

First they saved the cheerleader, now they've given her a boyfriend. Nick D'Agosto will join NBC's "Heroes" this fall as West, Claire's boyfriend. The show says he will have a "cool" super power. I don't know if that means the super power is interesting and neat, or if he can turn himself into a giant ice cube tray and make ice cubes for when the other heroes are hot and thirsty from fighting the bad guys. D'Agosto has guest starred on several TV shows, including "House", "ER", "Cold Case", "Six Feet Under", "Big Day", "Without A Trace", and "Boston Public". I guess this means that we won't be seeing the gay/not gay Zach back on the show as Claire's boyfriend. He's too busy on another show anyway.

GEEK TALK

As much as we planned and waited for a wham-bam spider-action trilogy with Sam Raimi's Spider-Man franchise, it started to become inevitable that three wouldn't be enough. The films bring in way too much money for the studio to wipe their hands, say "that was fun" and head to the horizon. Of course, there's been all sorts of talk about the three musketeers -- Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst -- and how none wants to be involved if the others aren't. "It would be really hard for me to make a movie without Tobey and Kirsten playing the two leads," Raimi stated, hopefully meaning just in the Spidey universe, and not in general. Yet, he's still looking forward and scheming up sequels, which may have him at the helm, or not. As Raimi sees the next installment, according to MTV: "I would love to see Electro, Vulture, maybe the Sinister Six as a team." Now, I'm completely Spidey-dumb beyond the originals, but luckily, the Internet provides quick geek research. The original Sinister Six was a collection of supervillains brought together by Doc Ock to bring Spider-Man down. He collected: the Vulture, Electro, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio and Sandman. So, that means bringing two of the villains back for more, and adding a tonof new ones as well. (Or, any one of the other incarnates of the group.) And that, frankly, seems a bit rash. After all of the feedback saying that 3 villains was a bit much for one film, he wants to double it? Maybe in a few films, after introducing the other evil characters, but why the over-kill? But that's not all - Raimi is also anxious to see Dr. Curt Connors get his time as The Lizard: "I love Dylan Baker as a person, and I really like the character he is developing." So, that means dipping into The Sinister Twelve. Oh, the villains never end.

MOVIE BUZZ

PlayboyBrett Ratner has just signed on to direct a biopic of Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner. Since I'm one of those "articles only" guys, I plan on watching the film's scenes of insightful social and political commentary and checking out any celebrity appearances but will close my eyes during the nudity. Spider-Man 4Sam Raimi has finally spoken out, saying he wants the Vulture and Electro as the villains in the next film and that he sincerely hopes Sony asks him first to direct it. I don't know, the first three were such horrible bombs, I can't imagine they'd do that. Zack and Miri Make a Porno"Entertainment Weekly" has posted a script page from Kevin Smith's upcoming comedy. Surprisingly, it's very tasteful and romantic. Nah, just kidding. It's so crude the magazine had to edit out the naughty bits. Of course, left in some dialogue about a Rosie O'Donnell sex tape, so now we gotta live with that image in our heads … Lions for LambsIn the first look at the Robert Redford-directed political drama, Tom Cruise gets tough on the War on Terror. His target: Meryl Streep. I know when I think of terror, I think of The Devil Wears Prada. ValkyrieMeanwhile, Germany has started a War on Tom Cruise, banning the actor from filming his WWII thriller — about a plot to assassinate Hitler in that country — because of his beliefs in Scientology. Hmmm … Germany? Intolerance for a religion? There's some sort of irony going on here, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Indiana Jones and the City of GodsParamount has released a video of the first day of shooting, where Spielberg toasts his crew and films some cars driving down a desert road. Missing from the piece: star Harrison Ford. It was nap time. StuckIn the creepy trailer, Mena Suvari hits Stephen Rea with her car and leaves him to die in her windshield. But what's really sick? It's based on a true story. And no, Paris Hilton was nowhere in sight.Star Trek 11An interview with the sequel's screenwriters confirms that it will focus on the "earliest adventures" of Spock and Kirk. Apparently, the first scene is of the futuristic duo sharpening their crayons to the stun position and figuring out if either the Klingons or the Romulans have poisoned the milk supply of the Enterprise Day Care Center. Where the Wild Things AreThe first image from the Spike Jonze film shows giant hairy monsters running through the woods. Either that or it's a picture from the world's most disturbing nudist colony. The Lost GirlsMTV Films is going to produce this adaptation of the teen novel Bad Girls (with a slight title change), which was published by MTV Books. When asked if the MTV cable channel would show music videos from the film's soundtrack, they replied, "Nah, we don't show those anymore." The Water HorseIn the trailer, a young boy raises the Loch Ness Monster as a pet. Jeez, kids today. When I was a lad, you went down to the water, found a frog, kept him in a jar with holes poked in the lid, and you were happy with that.

There you have it, Phans, another entry of the Phile. Now, next Thursday I should be posting another entry of the Phile, but my mother-in-law will be in town staying with us, so I might end up playing dominoes instead. The week after that we will be moving, so I really doubt I will have the computer set up, but we'll see. In the meantime, go to Friendly's and have a banana split. Man, those are good. Spread the word, not the turd.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hello, and welcome to the most updated blog on the internet. I am your host, JP-POO-POO. The last few days I worked with Anthony Daniels who played C-3PO in the Star Wars movies. At first I thought he was an arrogant prick, but by today I realized he was just a misunderstood diva. He thanked me and said I was one of the most professional people he ever worked with. Boy, was he fooled. This week, Ozzie Osbourne sold his mansion in Los Angeles. Ozzie said he had to sell the house because he said, "I could never find it.” Hillary Clinton has a new campaign ad that spoofs "The Sopranos.” Hillary’s calling the ad a lot of fun, and Bill is calling it a chilling window into his personal health. It’s been reported that Nightmareon Elm Street Director Wes Craven is suing Pauly Shore. That’s right — the man who gave you nightmares is being sued by Wes Craven. On Tuesday a top aide to Rudy Giuliani was busted for possessing and distributing cocaine. When asked about it, Giuliani said, "Cocaine? I asked him to get me Rogaine.” A new comic book has come out that features Latino superheroes. Apparently, they leap over the border in a single bound. Jail officials in England found a cell phone hidden in a prisoner’s rear end. Prison officials became suspicious when they heard the inmate saying, "I’m gonna lose you. My cell phone’s about to go into a tunnel.” Earlier this week, Paula Abdul celebrated her 45th birthday. Unfortunately, when Paula blew out the birthday candles, her breath caught fire and scorched a two-block radius. According to a new poll, 15 percent of Americans say that Hillary Clinton gives them the creeps. The other 85 percent say she gives them the willies or the heebie jeebies. The White House announced that this summer, President Bush plans to meet with the Mexican president. The two presidents will meet in the capitol of Mexico, Los Angeles. The FDA announced the new fat blocking drug, Alli, can cause gas and diarrhea. The pill comes in three forms: pills, capsules, and chimichangas. Barack Obama’s Secret Service code name is "Renegade.” Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is still using her old Secret Service code name, "Ballbuster.” Republican presidential candidate Sam Brownback kicked off a 1,200 mile campaign trip in Iowa. Brownback said, "I’m not going to stop until I find someone who knows who the hell I am.” Bob Barker has now retired. He has endorsed Rosie O’Donnell to become the host of "The Price Is Right.” If she takes the job, Rosie will end each show by saying, "Please remember to spay or neuter Donald Trump.” Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has Internet access and allows users to search the Internet while they walk. An electronic device that you carry in a rain storm. What could possibly go wrong? The Iranian parliament has passed a law calling for the execution of all Iranian porn stars. Of course, in Iran, a porn movie is any movie where a woman exposes her chin. It’s been reported that during the brief period that Paris Hilton was out of jail, she received a consultation from Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon. Michael's plastic surgeon told Paris, "There’s nothing I can do for you. You’re already a white lady.” And finally, did you hear about the new movie on the Disney Channel? "Home School Musical."

UNLUCKIEST MUSICIANS

On Feb. 1, during the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show, 140 million people watched as Justin Timberlake tore off part of Janet Jackson's corset, exposing her right breast. Janet claimed that the incident was the result of a "wardrobe malfunction," but that wasn't enough to get her off the hook. She was criticized for months following the incident and was banned from attending that year's Grammy awards. Justin was allowed to attend the ceremony after agreeing to apologize on air.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1374In a sudden outbreak of Dancing Mania (aka "St. John's Dance"), people in the streets of Aix-la-Chapelle, Prussia experience terrible hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion. Many of the sufferers are afflicted with frothing at the mouth, diabolical screaming, and sexual frenzy. The phenomenon lasts well into the month of July. Nowadays, ergot madness is suspected as being the ultimate cause of the disorder.1947Businessman pilot Kenneth Arnold encounters a formation of nine flying saucers near Mt. Ranier, Washington, exhibiting unusual movements and velocities of 1,700 mph. No explanation is found for this first report of flying saucers in the recent era, but it does earn Mr. Arnold legions of skeptics and an eventual IRS tax audit.1948East Germany blockades the city of West Berlin.1957The U.S. Supreme Court rules that obscenity is not protected by the First Amendment, though a dissenting opinion included with the ruling notes the issue of prior restraint renders this a terrible decision.1993Yale computer science professor Dr. David Gelernter opens a padded envelope in his office when it suddenly explodes. Gelernter loses the sight in one eye, the hearing in one ear, and part of his right hand. In this condition he manages to walk down five flights of stairs and over to the university hospital a block away. It is the handiwork of the Unabomber.

R.I.P.

Bernard Manning: And take Archie, Eli, and Peyton with you.Mr. Wizard Don Herbert: Mr. Withered.Hank Medress: In the coffin, the buried coffin, Hank Medress sleeps tonight.Bob Evans: I didn't know he was real, let alone alive. Talk about a low profile!Roger Armstrong (Bugs Bunny Cartoonist): So the Doc replies, "What's up is you're having a heart attack"Rod Beck: Beck. It's German for 'dead'.SHARPENING AXES

Anthony Kingsley Daniels (born February 21, 1946 in Salisbury, England), and educated at Giggleswick School, is an English actor best known for his role as the droid C-3PO in the Star Wars series of films made between 1977 and 2005. It is interesting to note that Daniels and Kenny Baker (who played R2-D2 in the series) are the only actors credited as playing the same role in all six of the Star Wars films. Daniels has been politically active in the United Kingdom, but he has kept his politics and his professional life completely separate. Quoted in the "Examiner", Kenny Baker described Anthony Daniels as standoffish. Baker and Daniels have been feuding for three decades. Daniels, now 61, was never friendly to the other actors in the film, either. "Anthony doesn't mix at all," says Baker. "He keeps to himself." A gossip magazine, "Popbitch", quoted Daniels as saying in make-up: "the mask does not go on until the dwarf is in the can". He is 5'9" (1.75 m). As C-3PO he has planted his 'metal' footprints in the courtyard pavement of Mann's (formerly Graumans's) Chinese Theatre. Anthony Daniels was never a science fiction fan. The only science fiction movie he ever saw in a theatre was 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). He was so dissatisfied with the movie that he walked out after only ten minutes and demanded his money back. He was the only cast member of the Star Wars trilogy to voice his character in all three episodes of National Public Radio's dramatizations of the Star Wars trilogy (while Mark Hamill voiced Luke Skywalker for both A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and Billy Dee Williams voiced Lando Calrissian for TheEmpire Strikes Back, when the Return of the Jedi adaptation was recorded many years later, Hamill and Williams were replaced by Joshua Fardon and Arye Gross, respectively). Daniels also contributed the foreword to the collected scripts of the Return of the Jedi radio drama, as their author Brian Daley died just as the episodes were being recorded. Daniels' other Star Wars-related writings include the Wonder Column for Star Wars Insider magazine and a comic book adventure for C-3PO and R2-D2 entitled the Protocol Offensive, published by Dark Horse Comics. As C-3PO, he has the honour of saying the first line in Star Wars: Episode IV - ANew Hope, first released in 1977 and part of what is known as the Original Trilogy, and the last line in Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, released in 2005 and part of the Prequel Trilogy. In The Phantom Menace, Daniels did the voice work for the character but did not appear in the movie. In 2002's Episode II: Attack of the Clones and 2005's Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, he returned to the screen (in costume) and dubbed the vocal tracks for some scenes that used CGI.

SEARCH ENGINE

Cut and paste for the two clips.http://starwars.com/video/view/000501.html (during the Ray Park spot you can see me)http://starwars.com/video/view/000507.html (during the Jeremy Bulloch you can see me as well)

NUTTED BY REALITY

I'm pretty sure Fox has an intern whose sole job is to check the web every Wednesday morning to see what the bloggers and web magazines had to say about the previous night's episode of "On The Lot". I say this because it feels like the producers take the online criticism into account and have been making little adjustments here and there to try and make the show a little bit better. For instance, this week Adriana Costa cut right to the chase and let us know that Marty was going home. For this I applaud the network, not only because Marty was getting terribly annoying, but because the "we're not telling you who is leaving until after the break" stuff was equally as annoying. So, if there is some Fox intern out there who hates himself enough to read my weekly musings on the show, I have a minor suggestion for next week's episode.Get rid of all the contestants except Sam, Adam, Andrew, Will, and Zach and let the five of them duke it out with 10 minute film skirmishes for the rest of the season.I'm not saying that the rest of the directors are bad. I'm just saying that the rest of the directors aren't very good and it would save us all a lot of time since it's pretty clear (in my mind anyways) that the five I mentioned make the best films. At the very least, if Fox insists on sticking with the "4 or 5 contestants show their films" direction they've had the last three weeks, they should level things out a bit. I propose that one director writes a script each week and all the other directors create a film from that script. This would give America a better basis to make judgments on cinematography, creative vision, and the performances the directors were able to elicit from the actors among other things. If anything, I think it'd be interesting to see how the film makers interpret the same piece of material. The format for the last three weeks was working for me for a while, but I find myself getting really bored all of a sudden. I'm not an advocate of a show changing mid-season, and I've griped about it the numerous times it's occurred already, but I'm begging for this last change - or something like it - to keep me interested. I'm fading fast, and the lackluster film offerings from the last few weeks aren't helping. Okay, I'm done griping. The venerable Wes Craven was this weeks guest judge.

GEEK TALK

Although Zak Penn has said that he won't start writing an Avengers script anytime soon, that might be changing. According to AICN, Marvel is taking the first step toward integrating the superhero universe on the big screen by potentially laying down the foundation for an Avengers movie during next summer's Iron Man. That's right, apparently Nick Fury will be introduced as a character in the film, and he'll be played by none other than Samuel L. Jackson. Are you drooling yet? While it's still in the rumor stages, all signs point to this being a reality -- in fact, on Fury's Wikipedia page, it already mentions the fact that Sam Jackson is playing the character in the upcoming Iron Man film. So there's two sources, both with the same information -- and AICN claims Jackson is shooting his scenes this week. Also on the Wikipedia page it says that the Ultimate Nick Fury was modeled after Samuel L. Jackson, with the actor's permission. So it would totally make sense for Jackson to be interested in the role. Additionally, Iron Man is one of the Marvel-related films that is being developed from scratch by Marvel Enterprises (and not some random studio), which means it's more likely that they'll not only take chances, but also give the die hard fans want they want. We're not sure if Fury's involvement here means there won't be an entire Nick Fury movie at some point, or if the character will only appear once before showing up in an Avengers movie. Jackson is cool and all, but the dude is not getting any younger -- so I imagine an Avengers flick would have to happen within the next five years. Seeing as it looks like they're going with the Ultimate version of Fury, they'll most likely use the storyline of him beinga Gulf War veteran and spy. I'm not sure how they'll work in a meeting between Fury and Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), but at some point Fury becomes the General of S.H.I.E.L.D. and leader of The Ultimates, or Avengers. Will all that be set up in Iron Man? Will they officially announce Jackson's participation at the upcoming San Diego ComicCon? Guess we'll have to wait to find out. In the meantime, what do you think about all this?

MOVIE BUZZ

Bond 22Finding Neverland's Marc Forster has been tapped as the director of the next James Bond sequel. In it, James will discover he's only the creation of writer Ian Fleming and start hanging out with little boys who inspire him to not hurt people anymore. MonopolyRidley Scott is said to be directing a film based on the classic board game. Donald Trump was angling for the role of Top Hat until producers realized there'd be no way to get a fedora big enough to cover his comb-over. He may have to settle for Thimble. CellEli Roth says he won't be working on his upcoming adaptation of the Stephen King novel anytime soon, since Hostel: Part II bombed so badly. In other news, at a touch football game with friends over the weekend, Eli claimed someone slapped him on the back too hard, so he promptly took his ball and went home. Jay and Seth vs. the ApocalypseIn either an actual trailer or just an online joke, potty-mouthed Knocked Up stars Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel are trapped together in an apartment after the end of the world. I'm hoping that not only does it become a real film but that they release it with scratch-'n'-sniff cards. These guys look rank. DallasFor those still hoping for a big-screen adaptation of the classic TV drama, John Travolta recently stated that he's talking to a director to make it a reality. He also added that he no longer wants to star as J.R. Ewing but will instead take the part as a fat Sue Ellen. Beverly Hills Cop 4Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura is trying to get another sequel off the ground but is doubtful he can still get an R rating because of Eddie Murphy's new family-friendly image. Hey, if he wants tips on how to make an R-rated film, he should contact the producers of The Shield. 3:10 to YumaRussell Crowe and Christian Bale try to outbadass each other in the violent, Old West trailer. In one scene, Crowe bursts into Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory just so he can throw the first ever telephone at Christian. The Cat BurglarsWallace & Gromit animators Aardman Features has said their next film about stray cats who steal milk will be like a "family-friendly Tarantino" movie. So, the animated felines will sit around and talk about how The Aristocats is an underrated masterpiece for an hour before pulling off a heist? Wall-EIn the teaser trailer, a little trash-compacting robot has big dreams of going into space. I just better make sure I don't take my in-sink garbage-disposal unit to see it so it doesn't get any funny ideas.

And now for the review of Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer. Starring Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Andre Braugher, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington. Mr. Fantastic stretches, Invisble Woman disappears, Human Torch burns and the Thing yells and lifts stuff all over again as a couple of new nemesises (nemesi?) try to kill the planet. Silly bad guys. Don't you know you're dealing with the Fantastic Four? Now I know whyt they call Rise of the Silver Surfer. I was rising to when I saw Jessica Alba laying naked in the street. Unlike the comic book they turned Galactus into a cloud. A fluffy little cloud. Ready to go burn down some movie theaters now, Nerds? As for the rest of you, the Silver Surfer is the money shot in this one, but the truth is that his character is really just the herald for this Galactus guy who devours planets. In the comic books, Galactus is a being who speaks in a kind of Fancy English and says pompous, third-person stuff like: "What are brief, unimportant lives to Galactus?" Here, he isn't even a he, and he just goes "whooosh" a lot, like if a slow-moving tornado hit the whole planet. Growing up, I was a big Silver Surfer fan so seeing him in the movie was the best part for me. They defintely left it open for a Silver Surfer spin-off movie. From 1 to 10, I give it a 9.

Well, that's it for another entry, Phans. Today was the last day working at Star Wars Weekends, which was sad. I want to thank Julie, Diane, Jerry, Paul, Meg and Mike for making itso much fun these four weeks. The next entry should be this Thursday, but with us moving and everything, something might come up. In the meantime, do yourselves a favor and go to Gator's Dockside restaurant and try their Monte Cristo sandwiches. You'll be thanking me later. Spread the word, not the turd.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile, the internet's most updated blog. This weekend I was back at Disney/MGM Studios working Jeremy Bulloch's autograph line. Jeremy played Boba Fett in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. He was one of the most nicest, sincere celebrities I have ever met. He reminded me a lot of my dad as well with his British humour. I said to my wife "I hope that when I am in my 60's I am as cool, calm and collected as he was, and that I will be a British gentleman." She said, "No, you're always going to be an asshole."I was excited to learn that he was in "Doctor Who", James Bond movies and of course the Star Wars movies. My wife said she was surprised I didn't do him in the butt. Whatever that meant. Anyway, I will talk more about Jeremy later. So, happy Father's Day, dad's. For some reason, Sunday is Father’s Day. Disney charged an $20 for park admission, just so the princessess could call you Daddy. Last week I went to take Logan to see Surf's Up, but ended up seeing Knocked Up instead. I got confused with the movies. More trouble for the New York Yankees. Jason Giambi may be suspended if he doesn’t answer questions about steroids. This is serious. This is no laughing matter. This why Rosie got fired. Arnold Schwarzenegger in the news. Arnold Schwarzenegger told a Latino group that if immigrants want to learn English, they should not read foreign language newspapers. The Latino group told Arnold, how about you tell us how you learned English, and we’ll do the opposite. Bill Clinton in the news. Bill Clinton earned more than $10 million last year from giving speeches, but he says he gave half of it to charity. Clinton gives the other half to her sister Tiffany. Republican presidential candidates Sam Brownback and Tom Tancredo both promise that if they are elected president, they will pardon Scooter Libby. Sorry, Scooter . . . You are going to jail. Barbara Walters got a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Barbara, of course, had another "Star” about a year ago, but she fired that bitch. There’s something crazy going on in Germany. Three people have been attacked by psychotic squirrels. These squirrels are not only crazy, they’re German. You know they’re just getting started. World domination. The start of Squirrel War 1. The French have already surrendered. Most squirrels will only attack you if you provoke them. Like if you go for their nuts. I have to say, I’m the same way. Normally very placid, but if you go for my nuts . . . I’ve been hearing complaints from Paris’ fellow prisoners that her family has been getting special treatment, but according to recently released inmates, the special treatment has been trickling down to them. "We are getting special treatment because of her. We’re getting two peanut butter sandwiches, two jellies, two bologna sandwiches . . . we only get one usually.” Check me in. It’s part of the Hilton Awards Program, I guess. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab. She’s planning her birthday party while she’s in there. She planning a big bash in a night club in Las Vegas. What a way to celebrate your sobriety. How many "re’s” can you put in front of rehab? June is for high school graduations and weddings. And here in Minneola, many kids do both on the same day. Dick Cheney, our vice president, needs a new pace maker. So right now, Dick Cheney is being rushed to Cuba by Michael Moore. President Bush visited the Pope last weekend. He made a mistake. Instead of calling the Pope Your Holiness, he called him sir. Then, instead of kissing the Pope’s ring, Bush went for a high-five and said, "Up top, Popie.” Last week when President Bush was in Albania, they named a street after him. During the street-naming ceremony, Bush told the Albanians, "I’m honored to be standing here on Lame Duck Boulevard.” Paris Hilton has been dropped by her talent agency. But don’t worry, Paris was immediately snatched up by a no-talent agency. A judge in Washington is suing a dry cleaners for $65 million over his pants that were ruined. He was crying in the court today. I found out he’s crying in court because he’s just gone through a divorce. That’s why his pants are so important to him. I mean he’s just lost his shirt. Steven Spielberg made a big announcement today: He’s endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. And he’s putting her in his new movie, Raiders of the Lost Cause. If you think "The Sopranos” left you feeling cheated, just wait until the end of this blog. Britney Spears in the news. Britney Spears has been telling her friends that she’s planning on getting back together with Kevin Federline. Britney says it wasn’t an easy decision, but she knows in her heart it’s the stupid thing to do. Here’s an odd fact, according to the AARP, brushing your teeth causes up to 4,000 injuries a year. To which the British said, "See!” I'm British, I could say that. And now, for a new feature called...

UNLUCKY MUSICIANS

And no, the first one isn't my dad because he had me as a son. Keith Richards is regarded as one of rock's most indestructible icons, but on April 27, 2006, the Rolling Stones guitarist proved he was human after all when he fell out of a coconut tree while vacationing in Fiji and suffered a concussion. Richards required surgery to relieve a blood clot in his brain two weeks after the fall, and the Stones were forced to postpone 15 European tour dates. "Keef" made a speedy recovery and the Stones were back to finish their tour in July.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1939In Versailles, Eugene Weidmann becomes the last person to be publicly guillotined.1968Ohio Express' "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I've got love in my tummy)" goes gold.1972The "plumbers" break into Democratic National Committee Headquarters in the Watergate complex, in the course of what President Nixon will later describe as a "third rate burglary." In actuality, it is an attempt by the Republican Party to illegally wiretap the opposition.1994O.J. Simpson fails to turn himself in to the LAPD at a prearranged time and is later spotted in a white Ford Bronco on a Los Angeles expressway. After a low-speed pursuit through the freeways and streets of Brentwood, O.J. is finally arrested live on television in the driveway of his mansion. According to one of the defense attorneys who served on O.J.'s "Dream Team," Simpson tried to kill himself in the car, but the gun misfired. The Juice allegedly told him: "I pulled the trigger and it didn't go off."

LOCAL GIRLS

SANFORD -- A jury Friday convicted a 32-year-old Deltona woman of twice having sex with a 5-year-old boy while her husband, a professional pornographer, filmed the whole thing. Jurors watched the videotapes Wednesday. They deliberated less than an hour Friday before reaching their verdict. The woman, Kelly Lumadue, now faces a sentence of life in prison without parole. Assistant State Attorney Anna Valentini said that is the only sentence allowed by law for Lumadue's crimes of capital sexual battery. They happened in 1996 at the Longwood-area home Lumadue shared with her husband, Leonard "Bud" Lumadue. He was a house painter but discovered he could make more money in adult entertainment, Kelly Lumadue told a Seminole County deputy during her confession. Leonard Lumadue died of cancer in 2003.A few months later, she decided to throw away his videotapes, she told the deputy. She put some in a garbage bag and hauled them to the curb. That's where a garbage collector found them, took them home, discovered what they were, then turned them over to authorities. The boy, now a teenager, did not testify. Defense attorney James "Tad" Figgatt said the teenager did not remember the incidents. Figgatt portrayed Kelly Lumadue as a long-suffering victim. Her husband coerced and physically abused her, Figgatt said. Leonard Lumadue pressured her for two months to have sex with the boy, she told the deputy. "It was something that he really, really wanted me to do," she said. She had appeared in Leonard Lumadue's films since she was 17, long before they were married, she said. Back then, he was married to someone else, she said. After the verdict, Lumadue was handcuffed and taken to the Seminole County Jail. She will be sentenced July 27.

HOW TO TELL IF AXL ROSE IS YOUR REAL DAD

When Father's Day comes around, for most of us, that only means one thing... Another day spent pondering that all-too-common question: "Is Axl Rose my real dad?" As front man for the notorious 80's band Guns N Roses, Axl Rose has of course cemented his place in rock music history. And let's be blunt and talk odds here, he's most likely had sex with your mother on numerous occasions. And, knowing your mother, it was probably pretty good. Use the following checklist to determine whether there's any basis to your nagging fear that when Axl Rose sang "Sweet Child O' Mine," he was singing about you. You have no rare blood diseases. It doesn't take a geneticist to know that not having a rare blood disease is hereditary. And it turns out that Axl rose doesn't have any rare blood diseases either. You do the math. Tommy Hilfiger wants nothingto do with you. After the infamous 2006 falling out between Axl Rose and fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger, Tommy vowed to never have anything to do withAxl Rose or anyone associated with him. So Hilfiger's refusal to acknowledge your existence may have deeper meaning than you think. Animals behave strangely around you. It's like they know. Especially tigers and squirrels.You have never been to The Netherlands. Axl Rose has a legendary hatred for the Dutch, because seriously, fuck those people. You sometimes get poor cell phone reception. Most likely caused by transmissions from Axl Rose's privately-owned secret satellite that he uses to monitor you because he is your real dad and he loves you and wants to keep tabs on you at all times. Even in the cold november rain. And yes, "November Rain" is probably about you, too. You experience unexplained blackouts or time loss. Those lapses in your memory are probably times that Axl Rose took you to a ball game and then hugged you and let you call him "Pa," but your subconscious erased the memory because it was just too fucking awesome for your conscious mind to handle. Court-ordered paternity tests proved that neither Randy “Macho Man” Savage, Snake Plissken, or Matthew McConaughey are your real dad.It's called “Process of Elimination.” One time, you had this really weird dream.It was about how Axl Rose came to your high school and told everybody he was your real dad and then your fake dad showed up and Axl Rose hit him in the face with a folding chair and then stood over your fake dad's prone form shrieking "Welcome to the jungle, baby! You gonna die!"and then he totally had sex with your mom while everyone cheered. Possibly a secret message transmitted to your brain from Axl Rose's aforementioned satellite. You spent $38,000 on a life-sized replica doll with over a hundred points of articulation custom made to look, feel and smell exactly like Axl Rose. And when you position its arms to gently hold you, no place in the world feels safer. You own the only known hard copy of Chinese Democracy.And there's a note on the cover, written in permanent marker, reading: Hey bud, enough fucking around. I'm your dad, okay? Love, Daddy Axl.

SHARPENING AXES

Jeremy Bulloch (born February 16, 1945 in Market Harborough, Leicestershire) is a British actor. He has appeared in numerous British TV and film productions, including "Doctor Who" and "Robin of Sherwood". In a career spanning almost half a century, he is perhaps most famous for his minor role as Boba Fett in the Star Wars films TheEmpire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. He also has a minor role in two James Bond films as Smithers, an assistant to Q. In 1962, he starred alongside Cliff Richard in the hit musical Summer Holiday. Bulloch has also appeared in two "Doctor Who" stories, "The Space Museum" and "The Time Warrior". In recent years, due to the release of the new Star Wars films, he is frequently invited to Science Fiction conventions throughout the world. In 2004, he published a limited edition memoir, "Flying Solo", which is a humorous account of his personal and professional life, interspersed with tales from the convention circuit. In 2005, he once again made an appearance in a Star Wars film, this time playing Captain Colton in Revenge of the Sith. Recently he played a small cameo role in Star Wars fanfilms Order of the Sith:Vengeance and its sequel Downfall - Order of the Sith - alongside David Prowse and Michael Sheard. These fanfilms were made in England in support of Save the Children. Check out his website at Jeremybulloch.com.

NUTTED BY REALITY

To the producer's credit, we finally have a format for "On The Lot", and it appears we're sticking with it. We also seem to have hit upon a trend with easy on the eyes but hard on the ears host Adriana Costa. I could be wrong, but it appears her outfit gets a little skimpier every week. If I'm right, somewhere around week 10 Fox's ratings are going to kill in this time slot since it's likely Adriana will have her outfit whittled down to a couple of squares of toilet paper held together by some fishing line. Until that glorious moment, we're stuck in the present, and that's where we learned Trever and Hilary were the two contestants that America liked the least last week. I have to agree with the country's opinion as the two of them definitely had the weakest films. In the event you didn't catch the show, instead of telling you right off who was sent home, I'm going to create some faux suspense and wait until the end to divulge this information. I'm only doing it because it works so well on the show. Also, tonight's guest judge is The Devil Wears Prada director David Frankel. He won an Academy Award back in 1997, and he has a pretty impressive IMDB filmography page. This was a huge step up from Michael Bay, who has most notably been nominated for a couple of Razzies. Trever ended up going home. I think he should have stayed on the merits of his golf film, but I didn't even vote last week so I can't complain much. I couldn't really tell if I was just in a bad mood Tuesday night or if the film offerings this week just weren't all that impressive. What do you think? Next week another director goes home and Adriana Costa pushes the limits of decency in prime time television. See you then.

HEROES

"Alias'" Sark to join "Heroes?" Obviously I mean the actor, David Anders. But wouldn't it be beyond cool to see the character of Sark show up on "Heroes"? Maybe he got some sort of power from being so close to all that Rambaldi business. Maybe he can have the power to impersonate anyone's voice exactly (Anders is actually from Oregon but does a British accent perfectly). Kristin over on E! is reporting that Anders is under negotiations to join the NBC hit this fall. He would play a new character named Kane, though there are no other details about the character. Of course, it's not a done deal, but it would be fantastic if this actually happened.

GEEK TALK

In an article which talks about The Avengers and Justice League projects, the "Hollywood Reporter" tells us that Kieran Mulroney and Michele Mulroney have submitted such a great draft of their Justice League script that Warner Bros. is now searching for a director. Meanwhile, Zak Penn (who is slated to pen Avengers) has not started his script yet, and based on a conversation last month, he won't be doing so anytime soon. However, if Warner Bros. begins to heat up their Justice League project, perhaps Marvel Studios will begin putting some pressure on Penn to write a draft. So far, there's no word on which characters are being included in either script, although some sources have alluded to the fact that both Superman and Batman will be in Justice League, even though Warners is already knee-deep in reviving both franchises separately on the big screen. Avengers, on the otherhand, include a bunch of characters who, as of today, have not appeared in their own big-screen revival(with the exception of Hulk, who is owned by Universal and probably wouldn't appear anyway). Iron Man is slated to be released next year, and we keep hearing about Thor and -- from time to time -- Captain America, but both Ant-Man and Wasp don't seem to be going anywhere. Will Marvel wait for all of them to have their own films before forging ahead on an Avengers film? Will they wait to see how Iron Man does first? Will they somehow find a way to get Robert Downey Jr. and Edward Norton (who's tapped to play the Hulk next summer) into an Avengers flick? And what about JusticeLeague? What about Christian Bale and Brandon Routh? While it's still a bit early to begin speculating (HR says the answers could be "years in the making"), the wrong move (or script) could seriously jeopardize some pretty massive franchises. In my opinion, both are pretty huge risks -- and if I were Marvel and Warners, I'd make two really cool CGI flicks instead. Leave the live action stuff alone. But that's just me.

MOVIE BUZZ

The SopranosIn his only interview after the series finale, creator David Chase said he's doubtful he'll bring Tony & Co. to the big screen, but he wouldn't rule it out if he got a really good idea … in a few years. He added that it would, however, be cool if it ended with the film hitting the projector bulb and bursting into flames. Ice Age 3Denis Leary told MTV that he's very excited to be starting voice work on the next sequel soon and would love to make four or five more, because they're a real kids' "money machine." But before he begins, Leary plans to spend the summer hanging around ice cream trucks to shake down little brats for their quarters. Star WarriorsGeorge Lucas is producing another Star Wars movie, except this one is a documentary about guys who like to dress up like Stormtroopers and perform acts for charity. When these guys say "Give Blood," they mean business. Vantage PointIn the trailer, the assassination of the President is caught on video by several different sources. There's almost as many cameras covering it as there were covering Paris Hilton being sent back to jail. Almost.. Me and My MonsterWe Are Marshall director McG's next film will be about a kid who is befriended by an evil creature that stays with him well into adulthood. Then he gets married and his wife complains that it won't pick up after itself, it hogs the TV and it could at least go to the supermarket and pick up dinner once in a while. UpPixar has revealed, with accompanying image, their 2009 animated film, which will be about a 70-year-old man who fights wild animals and evildoers. Hey, if real-life geezers like Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Harrison Ford can still do it … Battlestar GalacticaThe reason you may not see a film version of the current Sci Fi Channel hit is because original series creator Glen A. Larson still has the rights — and wants to make a movie with all the old actors (sans Lorne Greene, R.I.P). Also, instead of searching for Earth, they're after any planet with a decent Medicare program. Humpty DumptyControversial director Tony Kaye will be releasing a documentary about his tumultuous time making American History X, which caused him to hold a grudge against star Edward Norton for 10 years. Kaye thinks that's a grudge. I'm still holding one against that little creep who threw rocks at me on the nursery school playground. If I ever find out where he is now, I'm totally kicking his ass.

And now for the review of Surf's Up, starring he voices of Shia LaBeouf, Jeff Bridges, Zooey Deschanel, Jon Heder, James Woods. Finally, at long last, Hollywood has come up with something new and fresh — a penguin movie. Who were we as a people before this? We were in a dark, penguin-less tunnel, suffering, yearning for the adorable comic antics of cold-weather birds and being systematically denied their cuteness. I can breathe again now, my life renewed with joy. Oh, you want to know what this is about? Surfing. A surfing penguin has to find the hero within and compete to become the champion penguin surfer. I'm sure someone in an official capacity will say that this movie was well in production way before March of the Penguins and Happy Feet. But you know what? I don't care. It's too late. Even if it were good, it would be too late. And it's not good. Its way too silly and juvenile for adults; too adult in its approach for kids. It's structured like a mock documentary, complete with explanatory subtitles that identify characters and places. Know any preschool kids who watch documentaries and who are ready for an animated movie full of characters that speak in that offhand, casual, stammering, sentences-full-of-qualifying-clauses way that real doc subjects do? Little kids who can read well above their age level and get the subtlety of deadpan comedy? You do? OK, then I'm wrong. They're going to love it. It just up and dumps the documentary idea whenever it feels like it. Do we need a wacky action sequence where penguins slide around in a cave, finding romance? Then let's have one and completely lose the these-characters-are-talking-directly-to-the-camera point of view while we do it. From 1 to 10, it gets a 4. Logan didn't even like it. Should've seen Knocked Up for real instead.

Well, that's another entry for you. The next entry will be posted next Sunday. After that, I am not sure. This Wednesday we are closing on our new house, so wish us luck on that. Have a good week, and until next time... spread the word, not the turd.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the most read, the most updated blog on the internet. I am your host Darth Jason. This weekend again I worked at Star Wars Weekends at the Disney/MGM Studios. I got to work at the Ray Park autograph line. For those of you that don't know, Ray played Darth Maul in Episode 1. He was a great guy and was really good with his fans. Later in the blog I'll have some info on him under Sharpening Axes. Anyway, he was really cool and personable. I sad to him, "Can you sing that "Ghostbusters song?" He did not get the joke, but other people did. His manager had to explain it to him. I did get to ask him, "How does it feel to have died in every movie that you made?" He said he was getting used to it. Al Gore made an appearance in Chicago, and at one point the crowd started cheering, "Run, Al run.” They weren’t talking about the presidency, they just thought he was fat. At the G-8 summit, President Bush had a meeting with rock star Bono. There was an awkward moment when Bush praised Bono and his band, UTube. There’s a rumor that Sen. Hillary Clinton had some plastic surgery. Friends of Hillary denied the rumors saying, "Believe it or not, that’s her natural forced smile.” Bob Barker taped his final episode of "The Price Is Right.” Experts say it’s a sad day for television, but a great day for pets who want to keep their testicles. The latest rumor in Hollywood is that Nicole Ritchie is pregnant. Ritchie has responded by saying, "I’m not pregnant. I just ate a grape.” Paris Hilton is in prison right now. Officials had to turn away a delivery man who was trying to deliver a fruit basket. After hearing about it, Paris said, "Can I just have the banana?” There’s a man suing the maker of an energy drink, claiming the drink gave him an endless erection. This means you can sue people who have that kind of effect on you. See you in court, Kelly Clarkson. These kids with roller wheels on their shoes are causing accidents. Kids with wheels on there shoes. Three things you should never mix: kids, shoes, wheels. It’s a perfect mix: kids, shoes, wheels, ER. It’s always the same with new inventions. I can remember when calculators came out. We weren’t allowed to use calculators in school. The teachers would say, "Calculators prevent you from learning arithmetic.” I’d say, "I’m going to work at Disney World.” "Well, you’ll need arithmetic to count your crushed dreams.” Scooter Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison. Afterwards, Scooter said, "I just hope I have the chance to clear my incredibly stupid name.” According to a new survey, most women couldn’t care less about the size of a man’s penis. This was a survey in this month’s "If Only It Were True” magazine. During the Democratic debate, all the candidates said if they were elected, they would get rid of the military’s "don’t ask, don’t tell policy” for gay soldiers. "Don’t ask, don’t tell” would be replaced by a new policy, "Don’t tell me you’re wearing those boots with that gun.” After serving eight years in jail, assisted suicide doctor Jack Kenvorkian was on "Larry King Live.” When Kevorkian saw Larry King he said, "I swear, he was like that when I got here.” A new fertility test is being developed that will allow men and women to test their fertility at home. The new home fertility test will be called sex. Lindsay Lohan out of rehab, then back in rehab. Lindsay Lohan’s 21st birthday party was going to be sponsored by a brand of vodka. If your birthday party is sponsored by a vodka company, perhaps you’re not taking the whole sobriety thing seriously. That’s like the NRA hosting Dick Cheney’s duck hunt.

NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

BRIGHTON, England - With strategically placed helmets and slogans painted on bare skin, scores of people shed their clothes and rode through this seaside resort on their bicycles Saturday to promote cycling as an environmentally friendly mode of transport. "It is time more motorists stripped off their armor plating and moved around more gently on this earth," said Duncan Blinkhorn, 45, one of the event's organizers.More than 200 cyclists in various stages of undress took part in the World Naked Bike Ride in Brighton and Hove, sister cities on the southern coast of England, to promote cycling. Cyclists met with police chiefs ahead of the seven-mile ride to seek their advice about avoiding problems or formal complaints about the nudity. "This is a fun, if outrageous, way to make the serious point that we should not have to tolerate roads, cities and a planet dominated by the brutishness of cars that routinely foul the air we all breathe, destroy lives and impoverish the environment," Blinkhorn said. "Bikes and naked bodies harm nobody. Car fumes and accidents kill tens of thousands every year in the UK alone and are driving us all to climate chaos." Similar events took place Friday in the cities of Manchester, York and Southhampton, and were expected in other countries, too. Why couldn't this happen in Minneola?

TV MILF'S

Niki/Jessica Sanders from "Heroes"played by: Ali Larter. You've got two hot moms in one: sweet, caring, regular-gal Niki and butt-kicking, sexy, super-powered Jessica. How could this dynamic duo not combine their forces to be the hottest mom in all of TV land?

TODAY IN HISTORY

1692Bridget Bishop is hanged at Gallows Hill near Salem, Massachusetts after having been convicted of "certaine Detestable Arts called Witchcraft & Sorceries." Bishop is just the first casualty of what will come to be known as the Salem Witch Trials.1942The town of Lidice (Loditz) is liquidated by the Nazis as penalty for the assassination of Adolf Hitler's favorite general, Reinhard Heydrich. Every adult male is killed, the women sent to the camps, and the town bulldozed.1973The 17-year-old grandson of J. Paul Getty is abducted in Rome. When the kidnappers demand a $17 million ransom, the billionaire refuses. "I have 14 other grandchildren, and if I pay one penny now, then I will have 14 kidnapped grandchildren." After the grandson's severed ear arrives in the mail, Getty finally coughs up the money.1980Percy Wood, president of United Airlines, receives a parcel at his home in Lake Forest, Illinois. Inside is a copy of the book Ice Brothers by Sloan Wilson. When he opens the book, it suddenly explodes, throwing shrapnel into Wood's hands, face, and thigh. The book turns out to be a present from the Unabomber.1999Outside on the front lawn of his Miami home, Russell Cameron is covered with trash and doused with gasoline. Then his lunatic nephew, Thomas Pellechio, sets the pile on fire and runs away. When police arrive, they discover a 12.5 inch Oriental sword in Cameron's rectum, rammed in all the way up to the hilt.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? A: His partners.Q: When you apply for welfare in Mexico, what does the government give you? A: A map of the United States.

Satan greets a new arrival in hell by showing him three doors from which the man must choose how he'll spend eternity. Behind the first door, there's a man hanging above a pit of flames. The new guy shakes his head and they move to the second door. Here, there's a man chained to the wall being tortured. Again, the man takes a pass and they go to the third door, where an old man is getting oral gratification from an attractive young woman. "Looks O.K. to me," the man says. "I'll take it!" "Excellent," Satan says. "Lady, your replacement is here."

NUTTED BY REALITY

Tuesday's "On The Lot" was a definite improvement over last weeks, but that's kind of like saying being forced fed one turd sandwich is better than being force fed two. At the end of the day, you're still eating a turd sandwich. Never in my history of TV watching have I encountered a show so maligned by schizophrenia. The producers of "On The Lot" know they want to find "the next great Hollywood film director," but they have absolutely no clue what the means are to reach this end. And what's the deal with Adriana Costa? I created a drinking game that revolved around one of them taking a shot every time she botched a line. For reasons that I haven't quite figured out, only five directors showed their films tonight. The films were three minutes in length and shot over a period of five days in what appeared to be the director's home towns.I've given up on trying to understand why things are happening and intend to just focus on the only thing this show has going for it - the films. I almost forgot. This week the guest judge was Michael Bay, director of some of America's most treasured movies like Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and The Island...Um, is this really the guy aspiring directors want to be taking critiques from? If they don't change things on us, we'll find out who's going home next week.

SHARPENING AXES

Raymond Park (born August 23, 1974), better known as Ray Park, is a Scottish stunt man and actor. He is best known for his performance as the Sith Lord Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Park was born in the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow, Scotland, and lived in Govan, Glasgow until moving to London at the age of seven. It was at this age that he started training in Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, also known as Chin Woo Kung Fu. Seven years later he would also start training in wushu and gymnastics. He has since earned his 2nd degree black belt in Northern Shaolin Kung Fu. He has competed many times in martial arts competitions and brought home many awards for them including, at the age of 16, Great Britain's Martial Arts National Championship for his group. He competed as part of the British wushu team at the 1993 World Wushu Games in Malaysia. He began working in movies as a stunt double for the movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, doing the stunts for both Robin Shou (who played Liu Kang) and James Remar (who played Raiden). Park also did some cameos as monsters, including Baraka the Tarkata. All of these were non-speaking roles. Although his character Darth Maul briefly spoke in StarWars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, his voice was dubbed over with that of actor Peter Serafinowicz. In addition to this acting work, he has also been Christopher Walken's stunt double for the movie Sleepy Hollow. Walken's role was the Headless Horseman, and Park did the mimics in the scenes where the Horseman appears without his head. His first real speaking part came in X-Men in the part of Toad. Park's Toad was not very similar to the Toad in the X-Men comic books, but nevertheless he caught the public's eye. In one scene of this film, after sending Storm down an elevator shaft, he picks up a length of pipe and swings it around in much the same way he swung his dual-bladed lightsaber as Darth Maul, a signature wushu movement. He has been asked to become a superhero himself, instead of a villain, in a movie about Marvel Comics character Iron Fist, but the movie has been in preproduction for some years now. Iron Fist deals with an American millionaire who becomes a martial artist with the power of focusing his "life force" or chi into his fist,making it glow with energy and become "like unto a thing of iron" and able to impact with superhuman force. Along other comic book lines, Ray worked with comic book creator-turned-film-maker Kevin VanHook in the movie, Slayer starring in the dual roles of acrobatic twin vampires. This film also saw him appearing again with SleepyHollow co-star Casper Van Dien. He currently resides in Los Angeles with his wife, Lisa, and their daughter, Sienna. He is left handed, a trait he has shared with all characters he has played.

GEEK TALK

Although that might not be the name you were hoping for, at least it's not Brett Ratner. In fact, in this latest round of Wolverine rumors, Ratner's name is nowhere to be found -- instead, IESB reports that Fox is currently in talks with D.J Caruso to helm the Wolverine spin-off flick. Caruso, as most of you may know, helmed the box office hit Disturbia and recently appeared as a guest judge on the reality show "On the Lot". . I'm not too familiar with Caruso's comic book background, but he did direct one episode of "Smallville". So he's got that going for him, which is nice. Another name floating around IESB headquarters seems to be that of director Len Wiseman. He, of course, helmed the upcoming Live Free or Die Hard, and if that film kicks a ton of ass at the box office, he may quickly climb to the top of everyone's Wolverine wishlist. He also has two Underworld flicks under his belt, with an Underworld prequel also in the works, so it would probably make more sense, prequel-wise, to have him in there over Caruso. Since the story of this film is set before the X-Men movies, I imagine it will have a completely different look and feel -- one that warrants a new face behind the camera. Frankly, both Caruso and Wiseman would be good choices; one brings mood (Caruso), while the other brings action (Wiseman). What do you think of the two men currently on Fox's plate? Who would you choose?

MOVIE BUZZ

TransformersOver on his official website, Michael Bay has put up an extended scene of Optimus Prime and Bonecrusher skating down an L.A. freeway. Hey, you can just put some hot pants on those robots, crank up some Earth, Wind & Fire, and he'll have a really cool remake of Roller Boogie.G.I. JoeAlready predicting a big hit in Transformers (who wouldn't?), Hasbro is super-determined to bring more of their toys to the big screen, including their popular army guys. Except instead of battling their old nemesis Cobra, the Joes are gonna be fighting an angry horde of Hungry Hungry Hippos. MandrakeCreepy illusionist Criss Angel says he'll star in an adaptation of the classic comic strip about a magician. I know these guys aren't supposed to spill their secrets, but that weirdo had also better come clean about how he scored with Cameron Diaz! Die Hard 5Bruce Willis says he'll do yet another sequel if only — get this — Justin Long, returns, too. And in a strange twist, Justin says he'll only do more of those Mac ads if Bruce takes over the role of PC. The FlockClaire Danes and Richard Gere stand around looking dumbfounded in the trailer for their new thriller. Actually, I had the same look on my face until I realized the entire thing was dubbed into Japanese. Hellboy 2: The Golden ArmyIn his blog about filming the Guillermo del Toro sequel, actor Doug Jones lets slip that his aquatic character, Abe Sapien, is going to have a girlfriend. Ugh, the last time I saw a couple of slimy creatures gettin' it on was when I bought a packet of Sea Monkeys out of the back of a comic book as a kid. The Great DebatersDenzel Washington will star as a real-life college-debate-team coach. OK, now's the time to get all those jokes about him being a "master debater" out of our systems … Cassandra's DreamThe Weinstein Co. has agreed to distribute Woody Allen's latest, which wraps up the director's trilogy of films set in England. When asked if he was going to continue shooting films overseas, Woody said, "Oh yes, I've seen London, I've seen France …" then mumbled something about Scarlett Johansson and Fruit of the Loom. MeatballsLionsgate is redoing the classic comedy about camp counselors that starred Bill Murray. Um, between this and all the horror movie remakes lately, why does the cineplex remind me of when my parents first got cable? Spy HunterViolent-video-game-to-film auteur Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat, ResidentEvil) will helm the long-gestating adaptation of the game about a high-tech car that shoots missiles. Great. Maybe after this he can get to work on my dream project, Donkey Kong Massacre. The Last Caller"American Idol" runner-up Katherine McPhee is going to star in her first feature film, a romantic comedy about a young woman trying to find herself. If she sucks in it, can we vote her out and replace her with a real actress?

That about wraps it up for another entry of the Phile, Phans. The next entry will be next Sunday (with a review of Surf's Up). And then one more entry the next Sunday. Then, I don't know. On June 20th, we'll be closing on our new house and on the week of July 9th we will be moving, so... there might be a few weeks without the Phile being updated in July. I don't know what's going to happen, but I will definetly keep you posted. In the meantime, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Well said, Artoo, well said. Welcome to another entry of the Peverett Phile the web's most updated blog. This weekend I worked Star Wars Weekends on the Kenny Baker'sautograph line. Kenny played Artoo in five of the six Star Wars movies. I will talk more about him later. It’s starting to get nasty out there on the campaign trail. A new book out by veteran Democratic strategist Robert Shrum claims when asked about gay rights, John Edwards said he was "not comfortable around those people." Do you believe that? How does a guy who spends 400 bucks to get his hair styled not like gay people? How about this? At a charity auction someone paid $350,000 to be kissed by George Clooney. I had no idea Ryan Seacrest had that kind of money. Some of Michael Jackson’s personal processions will be auctioned off in Las Vegas the end of this month. The one thing that Michael won’t be parting with though, is his Pinocchio doll. Do you know about this? Michael will not sell his Pinocchio doll. You know, on the off chance, that one day it might became a real live boy.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF....

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya'll."Your Jedi robe is camouflage.You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.Wookies are offended by your B.O.You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side... it'll be a hoot."You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.You have a Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.You were the only one drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.Your business cards read "Billy Bob, Jedi Master".Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that reads "My other fighter is an X-wing".You know Ewoks squeal like pigs.You use your R2 unit as a beer coaster.When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.Your land-speeder had a light saber rack.Your land-speeder has a bumper sticker that reads "Protected by Smith & Wesson Light Sabers"If you hear ... "Billy Bob, I am your father ... AND your uncle!"

TV MILF'S

Lynette Scavo from "Desperate Housewives" played by: Felicity Huffman. Beneath the "soccer mom" exterior lies a high-powered advertising exec. Though she traded the business suits for T-shirts and jeans, Lynnette is no less alluring. Pizza shop manager Rick seems to have noticed.

STUPEFACTION

TOKYO-A glittering bathtub made of gold worth nearly $1 million has been stolen from a resort hotel, an official said Wednesday. A worker at Kominato Hotel Mikazuki in Kamogawa, south of Tokyo, notified police that the fancy tub was missing from the hotel's guest bathroom on the 10th floor, according to a local police official who only gave his surname, Ogawa. The round tub, worth $987,000, is made of 18-karat gold and weighs 176 pounds. The tub, flanked by two crane statues, has been a main feature of the hotel's shared bathroom. Visitors can take a dip in the tub, but it is only available a few hours a day "for security reasons," the hotel's Web site said. Someone apparently cut the chain attached to the door of a small section of the bathroom where the bathtub was placed, but not riveted,and made off with the tub, Ogawa said. "We have no witness information and there are no video cameras," he said. "We have no idea who took it," the official said.

R.I.P.

Rev. Jerry Falwell: He's now a member of the Moldy Majority.Charles Nelson Reilly: Dead Charlie is so dead that his corpse keeps getting mistaken for a <blank>.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1791The French Assembly passes a resolution bringing decapitation to the common criminal: "Every person condemned to the death penalty shall have his head severed."1943Three days after a sailor had been badly injured in a brawl with a group of Hispanics, a mob of 60 servicemen leaves the Los Angeles Naval Reserve Armory and bludgeons anybody wearing a zoot suit. The first two victims are a couple of boys, aged 12 and 13, who were just sitting in the Carmen Theater watching a movie. Thus begins a weeklong race riot.1968Valerie Solanas, author of the SCUM Manifesto, arrives at the art studio of Andy Warhol and shoots him three times in the torso. Warhol barely survives the attempt on his life. Solanas is later jailed and institutionalized.1989Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini dies after 11 days in a hospital, recovering from surgery to stop internal hemorrhaging.1991Students throw eggs at South Korean Prime Minister Chung Won Shik. Nobody is injured in the incident at Hankuk University in Seoul.199815-year-old teen idol Brad Renfro is arrested in Knoxville, Tennessee and charged with possession of marijuana and cocaine.2007I worked with Kenny (Artoo-Detoo) Baker with what could possibly be his last autograph signing forever. After he sighed a thirty thousand dollar Artoo replica, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

SHARPENING AXES

And speaking of Kenny Baker... Kenny recently made a cameo appearance in the popular British medical drama show "Casualty". A notable line in the show had him insulted by another character, who referred to his appearance in the Star Wars movies with the line : "Hey, R2-D2,go inside." In the late 1990s, Baker launched a stand up comedy career. Kenny is a harmonica player and rates his guest appearance with the James Coutts Scottish Dance Band at Hugh McCaig's Silverstone Party in July 1997 as probably his "finest musical experience". Though both he and his late wife have dwarfism, their two sons do not. Baker owned a converted Rolls Royce, which was recently sold at auction. He decided to sell it after being convicted for drunk driving in December 2004, for which he received a £50 fine and a one-year driving ban.

NUTTED BY REALITY

This may go down as the longest hour of TV in the history of TV. Last week's second episode was only an hour long, but it felt more like thirteen thanks to the lame effort to American Idolize the show with all the awkward pauses and the "we'll tell you right after the break" nonsense. There were still 24, pardon me, 18 contestants left, and I couldn't very well not talk about someone's film. It'd be like the producers of this show completely leaving out an episode. Things like that just shouldn't happen. Anyhow, I guess there's no real reason for me to stretch this out any more than it needs to be. Was it just me, or did it look like Jason (Getta Rhoom) rolled around in some dirt before the show started? His shirt had the strangest brown pattern down the left and right sides. Just an observation. Jason's film ended up being one of the three top grossing movies in this week's Box Office along with Zach's Danger Zone and Will's Lucky Penny.I can agree with Danger Zone being in the top three since it was the most technically impressive to my untrained eye, but I totally disagree with the other two films. I didn't find them to be bad, just not as good as Replication Theory and A Golf Story. This being a reality show that liberally borrows from other reality shows, I figured the week's top grosser would win some sort of prize. Perhaps they'd get to go hang out with the guest judge for a day and get some pointers or better yet, win some highly coveted face time with Mr. Spielberg himself. Maybe we'd even get to watch a clip of this to fill up some of the thirteen hour long results show. Of course, that would make too much sense so it never happened. What did happen was Carrie Fisher offering her daughter to the Lego maniac and I found it a tad on the creepy side. I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to go before referring to Carrie as the Paula Abdul of "On The Lot". Apparently, episode four was my limit. She definitely has that Paula quality to her only with a smidgen less crazy but a dump-truck more weird. Also, did I read her completely wrong, or did she do a complete 180 on the Getta Rhoom short? She went from being offended by it to loving it? I'd say I don't understand, but the paragraph before this one pretty much explains it to me. I forgot to mention who I thought would go home during yesterday's post so here's what my prediction would have been. Hilary with Bus #1, Shalina with Love in 2007, and for the sake of my corneas, Kenny with Wack Alley Cab. As it turns out, I was off the mark with all three guesses. Carolina (Deliver Me), Claudia (Blind Date), and Phil (Please Hold) left the show this evening. I can't argue with Carolina's leaving because her film didn't do all that much for me. However, I saw potential in both Claudia and Phil and was disappointed to see the two of them leave. I wish they would have told us what next weeks genre was but as it stands, 15 remain. Next week we'll probably see another three get voted out of the competition. Of course, that's assuming they don't go changing the format on us again. If one of the directors pulls out an immunity idol during next week's Box Office show I swear I'm never watching another Mark Burnett produced series again, and I'm burning my copy of E.T. Oh, Fox has apparently responded to the lackluster ratings of "On the Lot", by trimming down the number of episodes. Instead of airing on two nights each week, the network is going to condense its unreasonably long results show with its competition for a single, one-hour installment each week. The change is effective immediately: "On the Lot" will only be seen on Tuesdays at 8 pm starting June 5. There will still be a two-night finale on August 13-14. The schedule change will also cause a shift in the schedule for the remaining episodes of "The Loop". Now "The Loop" will not appear on Tuesdays, will air twice on Sundays at 7:30 and 8:30 pm on June 24 and July 1.

GEEK TALK

For anyone disappointed that Robin has been left out of the recent Batman films (I hope you are few), there is good news: Warner Bros. is developing a movie version of the DC comic Teen Titans. Robin is one of the original members of the young super team, and though he has not always been part of the group, it is certainly a possibility that he'll make it into the movie -- if only because of his familiarity to mainstream audiences. The Hollywood Reporter does report that Nightwing, a character who is sort of like an alternative version of Robin (he is the older incarnation of the original Robin, Dick Grayson), is already a definite character. However, because the continuities of DC Comics confuse the dickens out of me, I really have no idea if Nightwing and (the more-recognizable) Robin could both be a part of the movie's team. Warner Bros.' interest in doing a Titans movie is not surprising, but it is interesting considering the studio is also currently working on a Justice League film. Mostly, I see this project as being an attempt to cater more to a young audience as well as to market the thing as comparable to X-Men. But will it actually be hip enough to attract the kids and smart enough to be as good as the (first two) X-Men films? So far the studio is on the right track with the hiring of Mark Verheiden to script the movie. Comic geeks and TV fans may know Verheiden as a writer for the comic books TheMask and Timecop, as well as their movie adaptations, and as writer-producer for the shows "Smallville" and "Battlestar Galactica". The movie is being produced by Akiva Goldsman (Constantine) and Kerry Foster.

MOVIE BUZZ

Star Wars: The Clone WarsGeorge Lucas has unveiled the first preview of his upcoming 2009 animated TV series. And it's just as I figured. A CGI 'toon registering more emotions than Hayden Christensen. Tropic ThunderStudio execs are ticked that news leaked about Tom Cruise having a cameo in BFF Ben Stiller's newest comedy. But they're not as ticked as Owen Wilson was when Ben replaced him with Tom in his MySpace top friend slot. Michael ClaytonGeorge Clooney's new trailer features him trapped in another convoluted conspiracy. Hey, George, how about a movie one of these days where we don't need a CliffsNotes to follow the plot? Terminator 4Swedish male supermodel Marcus Schenkenberg, who just signed to appear in the upcoming sequel, claims Ah-nuld will have a 30-second cameo. The Governator originally wasn't going to be in it at all, but then said he'd be glad to personally hand off the series to a guy whose last name is almost as hard to spell as his own. ElricChris and Paul Weitz of American Pie infamy have picked up the film rights to the books by Michael Moorcock about a medieval albino warrior who wields a giant magical sword. When asked why they picked this project, the brothers said the author's last name just made them giggle. Babylon A.D.In the teaser trailer for Vin Diesel's latest, he claims his entire life flashes in front of his eyes. Must be hell when he gets to The Pacifier. RunoffGuillermo del Toro is going to direct another graphic-novel adaptation, this one about a spooky town with bizarre happenings. Actually, a trailer for the comic is so eerie, Guillermo's considering just waving a camera over the rest of the book and adding some ominous music. Logan's RunOverachiever Bryan Singer is now officially off of the long-rumored remake. Replacing him will be Joseph Kosinski, whose main claim to fame is directing the Halo 3 video game ad. This is what Hollywood needs: a guy who can direct a film, the game version and his own commercials. Death: The High Cost of LivingComic book legend Neil Gaiman is finally all set to direct the adaptation of his own graphic novel, with Shia LaBeouf as a depressed teen who gets to hang out with the female personification of Death for a day. That's gotta be easier than hanging out with Lindsay Lohan for a night. Ninja GoldJohn Woo is going to direct the adaptation of a video game that's still in development about a Japanese ninja fighting Russian gangsters in the African jungle, which kinda sounds like a violent U.N. meeting or something.

Well, there you have it. Another entry of the Phile. The next update will be next Sunday again. Hope everyone has a good week. Spread the word, not the turd.