Stop That Infernal Racket

There isn’t enough courage or imagination among the tennis establishment to curtail the sport’s most annoying problem: excessive shrieking. Executives are terrified of offending the likes of Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka, due to their status in the game, and nobody’s been smart enough to set up a set of rules for young players — as in, make those noises and you’re thrown out of the sport.

It’s always nice, though, to hear someone important voice an opinion.

Ian Ritchie, head of Wimbledon’s overseeing committee, told the Daily Telegraph, “We are aware, whether you are watching on TV or here, that people don’t particularly like it. We are just one tournament on a global circuit, but we have made our views clear and we would like to see less of it.” Ritchie said “there’s an education problem with younger players,” and when asked about mail received by the committee, “I would say that grunting is high up (among issues raised).”

The problem is that none of the top players — definitely add Venus and Serena Williams to the list — are willing to admit they do it for effect. That’s the way they breathe? Total nonsense. It’s part of their “rhythm”? Complete joke. None of them make a sound warming up; it’s only when the matches start. Sharapova and Azarenka imitate the exotic birds of South America from start to finish, while Venus and Serena only turn it up when they feel they need to intimidate their opponent.

It’s all cheating, every single instance, right down to the fact that excessive noise prevents opponents from hearing the sound of a ball coming off racket — a crucial part of competition. Azarenka admitted that she was “told to do it” at a very early age, by a coach, because she “needed extra power to hit the ball,” but that’s another crock. CHEATING, got it? And I’ll guarantee you if the act was banned — not a legitimate grunt, but a prolonged caterwaul — the players would survive just fine. People tend to shut the hell up when threatened with fines or suspensions.