By Michael KlineWhen we conjure up an image up a leader in business, we might see the stereotypical tall, white man, with chiseled jaw, expensive suit, power tie, you get the picture – a sort of super-hero with an MBA and an unhealthy amount of confidence matched only by his lack of compassion. The strong, results-oriented driver personality, win at all costs, take no prisoners, bottom-line boss image can provide a sense of comfort to employees, investors and clients alike, especially when feeling anxious about the future. It makes sense to our primal nature that a strong leader can solve our problems and keep us safe.

No offense to tall people or nice suits, I happen to like both. The problem with becoming a leader (boss), or choosing our leaders with this mindset, is that our tribe isn’t fighting off wild animals and other invading tribes. Of course we all feel fearful at times, and of course it’s natural to respond to fear from the reptilian part of our brain that says we need power or protection to overcome whatever it is we fear.

A research team at Cornell University studied the leadership styles, backgrounds and track records of 72 senior executives across 31 companies and concluded that harsh, hard-driving, executives actually diminish the bottom line, while self-aware leaders with strong interpersonal skills produced better financial results. “Bully traits that are often seen as part of a business-building culture were typically signs of incompetence and lack of strategic intellect. Such weaknesses as being arrogant, too direct or impatient and stubborn, correlated with low ratings for delivering financial results, business/technical acumen, strategic intellect, and, not surprisingly, managing talent, inspiring followership, and being a team player.” There is a better way.

While Self-awareness get little attention in the business world, the Cornell study reveals that it should actually be a top concern. High self-awareness scores were the best predictor of overall success. It makes sense that executives who are aware of the lenses through which they filter their perceptions and assumptions might have a more honest grasp of reality, affecting their relationships, decisions and actions. Further, having realistic confidence and an awareness of their own limitations would allow them to hire subordinates who complement their talents.

According to Daniel Goleman, renowned Emotional Intelligence expert, “self-awareness is the skill that requires the most patience and honesty, and provides the best foundation for further developing Emotional and Social Intelligence in both work and life situations.”

It seems that soft values drive hard results.

Goleman’s research colleague, Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, explains the mind-body connection of self-awareness. “We know that Emotional Self-Awareness can begin with sensations in your body or with your thoughts. When emotions are activated, they are accompanied by bodily changes. There may be changes in breathing rate, in muscle tension, in heart rate. Emotional Self-Awareness in part is the awareness of one's own body.”

As a RIM practitioner (Regenerating Images in Memory), I learned this from my teacher and mentor Dr. Deb Sandella, founder of The RIM Institute and author of Goodbye Hurt and Pain. It’s called interoception, the sensing of feelings as they flow through the body, bringing helpful feedback, if we pay attention. With RIM, we guide clients to use body sensing to tap into these usually unnoticed emotions.

The subconscious speaks in metaphors and images while the intellect speaks in thoughts and words. When we use imagination to translate and synthesize feelings, a whole-brain experience is created. The results are profound. Neuroscience explains how it works—this ability to change our emotional memory to create new endings to old stories that shape our self-concept, world-views and limiting beliefs. All the while factual memory remains intact and the client remains in total control. In addition to relieving stress, anxiety, emotional and physical pain, the client enjoys increased internal insight, resourcefulness and self-awareness.

Because emotional work is invisible and intangible, it can seem complicated, difficult to measure, time-consuming, expensive, and unrelated to the bottom line. The opposite is actually true. In reality, results can be simple, quick and easy. New methods such as RIM, can produce immediate results in improved self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, repeatedly shown to influence job satisfaction and job performance for employees and effectiveness for leaders.

The most popular acronym to help remember he rules of goal setting, is S.M.A.R.T. (Usually taught as Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed). It’s time to rethink some of this for a powerful twist.

S stands for specific. Nothing new here, but are you really being specific? Vague is saying “I want to earn a living”. Specific might sound like “I want to earn $100,000”. Really specific might be “I want to earn $100,000, as a buyer’s agent, working an average of no more than 35 hours per week and taking at least 3 weeks of vacation”. Unusual clarity of goals is one of the most common attributes of the most successful people in business. If you think you are specific enough, get a little more specific anyway and ignore the voices in your head telling you otherwise; we’ll get to them later.

M stands for Measurable. As you dive deeper into the example above, we see we can measure the dollars, and the work hours and the vacation time. If we added that the work should be enjoyable and stress-free, how would you measure that? We might set a separate goal in our personal life area, around managing stress – practice yoga 3 times per week, or walk 45 minutes 4 times a week, etc. Think of ways you can measure the things that will produce the outcome you want. Maybe you set a goal to hire a part-time assistant by Feb 28, 2017, or to refuse listings that you don’t really want to take. Yes, refusing some listings, will help you make more money, but that another article.

A stands for Attainable (or achievable). Here’s what is new: If you know how you will attain it, it is too small! That means you should set a goal that feels a little bit UN-attainable! Set the goal that would be a stretch to attain it. If you know how to make $40,000 a year, making $50,000 is not a stretch – that is just hoping for the same amount of work you did this year and a little good luck. To double your income is a stretch – yet totally doable – have other people in your position done that? Yes, many have. In fact, nearly everyone who makes that income, once earned your income. There is overwhelming evidence that it is attainable, and the only challenge is you do not yet know how you will do it. This is goal setting, not strategy setting, so set the big goal. If you wait to know how first, you will never do it and you will never get to know the strategy. The GPS in your car or phone will not give you directions to get across the state until you program in the destination. The same holds true for setting a goal. The directions for getting there come after you program in the destination.

Advanced students only: The A could stand for Actionable. You could abandon the entire discussion of attainable, throw caution to the wind and just go for it. All that matters is the goal is actionable – meaning it is something you control – don’t set a goal for your spouse, child, or boss, to be something different. If it is something you can take action on, go for it!

R stands for Relevant. I have always heard other trainers teach that R stands for realistic or reachable – this makes no sense to me, since reachable is a lot like achievable. Redundant, don’t you think? Relevant to what though, you may ask. Relevant to your life purpose, passion and legacy. Relevant to your other goals – are your career goals compatible with your health, relationship, spiritual and personal goals? Who are you? Who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to have been when your life is over? Are your goals relevant to what really matters and to what is really worth doing in the grand scheme of things? Every time I teach a passion tester life purpose workshop, even the most successful people discover opportunities to bring more joy and meaning into their lives. Relevant may not be the first thing that impresses short-term thinkers, but it is the most sustainable and impactful in the long term.

T stands for Timed. This is similar to measurable. Quite simple to apply, and the more detailed you get, the better. Instead of saying “earn $100,000 this year” say “by 5pm, December 20, 2017 or sooner”. If you have a vision of taking off the rest of the year to enjoy family time, so you will need to create a clear vision of going home to celebrate exceeding your goal by 5pm on the 20th. When you create a clear vision and tie it to the emotions of creating that vision, the goal is even more powerful.

So what about things that are not in your control? Market conditions will either make life easier, the same or more difficult. Ever wonder how some people excel during difficult times? Watch less news and spend more time focused on your goals. For example, spending an hour meditating every day may bring the inspiration or idea that allows you to double your income in a down market. This happens all the time. Have you ever spent weeks seeking an answer to something, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, when you are quiet for a moment, the answer just comes to you?

My first discovery of this was way back in the recession of 1992. I was managing a travel agency, selling to small corporate accounts in Orlando. The travel business was down, and four nearby travel agencies closed their doors that year. We grew by over $1,000,000 in sales and merged one of the closing offices into ours. While our neighbors were watching the news and anguishing over dropping sales, I was cold calling on businesses who were looking to spend less on travel. They did spend less, and they spent it with me. Subsequently, I have bought and sold twelve homes as a side-line. In recent years, masses of amateur “flippers” watched too much HGTV and with dollar signs in their eyes, paid more than renovation projects were worth. This may or may not help you sell homes. It certainly makes it harder for you and other clients to find quality investments. In a down market, everything changes. In an up market, everything changes again. In business, change is not good or bad, it just is. Change is always an opportunity to the calm mind with a clarity of specific goals.

Michael Kline – A Certified Jack Canfield Success Trainer, Speaker & Coach. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life

By Michael KlineThe news is full of headlines about the so-called bathroom law in North Carolina. We remember when this topic arose in NH several years back, so we know it is really about discrimination and ignorance, and has precious little to do with bathrooms or the workplace. There is, however a real challenge in the workplace that has to do with bathrooms and it ties directly into job satisfaction, turnover, engagement, accountability and productivity. The bathroom problem employers have is that their employees have been over-potty-trained. That’s right, I said over-potty-trained. Allow me to explain.I have many nephews, each of whom, I call my favorite. One in particular though, is special not only because he carries my name, but he carries the attitude I had through my childhood and youth. Michael the 2nd, (whom we call Version 2.0), has always declared that “school is stupid” until he left school and entered the work force. Now he declares that “work is stupid”. He is in pretty good company, including most of his generation and many of his uncles. More importantly, he may have a point. Could his point be made more eloquently? Of course. Let us not miss his point, however, lest we tick off the generation that will be taking care of us when we are in the nursing home. Version 2.0 woke me up to the reality of just how “stupid” school is and how ill-prepared students can be when they enter the work force, or adulthood in general.At age 19, Version 2.0 explained it this way. ”I just finished school, how do you expect me to make big decisions that affect the rest of my life, when yesterday I had to raise my hand if I had to pee?!” I take his point to mean quite literally, we control every little behavior of children and expect them to take responsibility seriously. They are over-potty-trained to the point of having to ask for permission to go to the bathroom! We do the same at work. Even if you don’t literally tell your employees when they can pee, do you tell them when they can think, what they can think and with whom they can share their thinking? The more we micromanage, the less we can expect accountability. Thanks to extensive research on the subject, we now know that employees value autonomy. Our antiquated education system, designed for the industrial revolution, prepares students to go to work in factories where thinking is discouraged. Our more modern workplaces require critical thinking skills, mastery, independence and commitment. This should be a match made in heaven, since the top three motivators that employees value most are mastery, autonomy and purpose. The problem might be that we older policy makers are still thinking old-school. We need to maintain control. Version 2.0 has a point about that, too. “Work is stupid” he would say, and he’s right because work is about control. Control kills creativity and violates the motivators of autonomy, mastery and purpose. We were taught that control is everything, without control we would have chaos, right? Well sort of, yes. Chaos invites creative problem solving. To keep the chaos focused on the goals and to have it converge in agreement and forward movement, we have structure. Structure means people can have freedom to think, violate previously sacred cows, question everything and go to the bathroom whenever they want. They also live with a self-regulating system of agreements on how they work together that encourages full participation and engagement that has a sense of purpose.Talk to your younger workers. The younger generations are not so different from us. What they are demanding is what we would have demanded if we thought we could get away with it. Thank them for making it ok to demand respect and engagement. We talk about the youth not having respect, but what they really lack is blind, fake respect. They have respect for people who recognize their value and voice. We older generations really were only faking respect for anyone in authority even if they did not deserve it. Those days are gone. Let us see what we can do, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said “to earn the respect of intelligent people and the affection of Children”. In my travels everywhere, amongst progressive leaders, I see a hunger for structures that allow for creative and cohesive chaos and risk taking. There is a yearning for leadership methodologies that create engaging, meaningful and respectful, safe spaces where amazing work gets done. It is the future of successful organizations. I think we need to decide if we would rather lead through the movement, or let our new 24 year old boss lead us through it.Michael Kline is a Certified RIM Facilitator and Certified Canfield Success Trainer for personal and group transformation. You can reach him through his website www.intus.life, or e-mail, mike@intus.life.

By Howard StantenLike all saboteurs (those voices in our head that resist our connection to our own greatness), “The Procrastinator” tries to protect us and keep us safe and comfortable. Those of you blessed with “The Procrastinator” know that the more important the task, the more you will hear from this invasive species. You see “The Procrastinator” looks for things you want to accomplish and then covers them with a green ooze that smells like rotting fish. The question I hear over and over again is “Why are the things I most want to accomplish so often covered in green ooze that smells like rotting fish?”The answer just might be found in the belly of a large human eating beast tens of thousands of years ago. If we were to do an autopsy on this beast, we would find a human who became too curious about the world beyond the cave, took a risk, wandered out into the dark, and…. became supper for a hungry monster. In those days, life threatening danger lurked under every rock and behind every tree. And, when the sun went down, it’s a good thing most of our early ancestors stayed in the cave. We wouldn’t be here today if they had done tonight what could be done tomorrow.Psychologists have studied procrastination extensively. There is research that indicates that avoiding what is really important to us (read also: “scary”) is a relatively modern coping mechanism that has evolved to help us avoid the short term stress of facing our fears. I suggest that this voice may have been lurking in our heads much earlier.You see, back then, “The Procrastinator” was a life saver. “Wait until the morning” was a necessary and lifesaving motto to literally live by. The thing is, today many of us are living our lives in response to a voice whose life saving purpose has largely become irrelevant. There are very few occasions when we find ourselves actually staring into the mouth of death. “The Procrastinator,” however, doesn’t know this. In fact, it can’t. It’s hard-wired to be that way and lives in a part of our brain meant to protect us. “Don’t do it Now-You might die!” An unfortunate modern-day consequence of listening to “The Procrastinator” is stress. “The Procrastinator” disconnects us from doing what we want to do. It gives that task the appearance, and more importantly the emotional feeling, of something we don’t want to do. Who would energetically do a swan dive into a pool of smelly green ooze?? A vicious cycle is produced when we don’t do what is really important to us. We stress over the not doing, delay further, stress more, and on and on. This stress is associated with feelings like anxiety, boredom, regret, sadness, emptiness, and regret. Yes, many of us do eventually “get it done,” but we often do so by stuffing these emotions deep inside. Usually, it’s another saboteur like “The Fear of Failure” that comes to our rescue at the last minute, saving the day. Relying on fear to push “The Procrastinator” aside releases all kinds of stress hormones that negatively impact our long term mental and physical health. We may indeed reach a good deal of “success” in life repeating this process, but the cost is high and the payoff in terms of any sense of personal fulfillment is low.The volume of “The Procrastinator’s” voice for any of us depends on what we’ve been exposed to in our upbringing, and what we’ve inherited in our genes. The good news is that, through conscious choice, we can access the volume control and turn it down. When we turn down the volume, the green ooze washes away. Without that mess covering up what’s really important to us, we rush for the diving board, take a strong bounce up, spread our wings, and dive into the crystal clear water.So, how do we make this conscious choice? Well, the irony here is we don’t need to do anything more than simply notice our breath. “The Procrastinator” usually has us running around doing anything but what we really want to do. To get to what we really want to do, we need to stop everything and do nothing but breathe. No “to do” list, no organizing the office supply draw, no email, no watching TV, no sleeping. Just breathe. Here’s the simple formula for what comes next:

Focus on your breath

Deepen your in -breath

Deepen your out- breath

Repeat 10 times

Simply notice and experience without judgement how you feel right now

I invite you to give it a try…. now…. Breathe…. Deepen…. Repeat…. Simply NoticeChances are you feel less stressed, more present, calmer, and more engaged than you did a minute ago.For those of us that need scientific proof before we change any of our habits, there’s good news that’s been around for a long time. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for relaxation. When we simply notice our emotions without judgement, we make the conscious choice to “be with” rather than “fight” ourselves. This “being with” frees us to move forward.When we de-stress, we break the vicious cycle that “The Procrastinator” sets in motion. Emotions that were previously keeping us stuck become “(E)nergy in (motion.)” Our capacity to wrap both arms around our higher self comes alive!Like most things worthwhile in life, practice is the key. So, practice again……………Now, turn towards the one thing you’ve been avoiding that’s really important for you to do right now and go for it!

One of the most common questions I receive is “Jack, how do you get so much done?” It’s a fair question, considering I’ve written 150 books, deliver an average of 50 live presentations around the world each year, invest a considerable amount of time with my Train the Trainer students, lead the Transformational Leadership Council, yet still have time to cultivate an amazing relationship with my wife, spend time with my kids and close friends, and take excellent care of my health.

Strategy #1: Get Clear About What’s RequiredWhen people set goals, particularly at the beginning of the year when working on their New Year’s resolutions, they tend to be overly optimistic about how much is actually possible. As a result, they over-commit or make lists that are far too long.I’ve fallen into this trap before. I’ve learned that to be realistic, I must take the time to break goals down and ask, “What would actually be required for me to achieve this goal? How many hours would that take?” Once I have a list of activities and estimates of the time needed to achieve each item, I pull out my calendar and start scheduling all the activities.This is the point when you come face to face with reality. If you realize that there’s not enough time in the day to accomplish everything you want, it’s time to go back and prioritize your goals. Once you’ve identified the things that are most important to accomplish, schedule the activities that those goals will require, and set aside the rest of your goals for later.Strategy #2: Create a Daily ScheduleSimply setting aside time in your calendar may not be enough to achieve your goals. I go the extra step and create a daily schedule. Additionally, I use the Rule of 5. Each day I choose 5 specific tasks that will move me toward the completion of my goals and I ensure those tasks are included in my daily schedule. Daily use of the Top 5 Priority Action post-its can help keep your daily task list front and center. So if one of my daily tasks is to work on my book, I don’t simply say, “I’ll work on my book today” – I actually designate the hours that I’ll work on my book. This has been an essential step in ensuring that things actually get done.To stay motivated, I review my yearly goals once a week, and then I plan my week around those goals. I identify what I need to accomplish in the coming week to achieve my long-term goals, and then I book those activities into my calendar. Each evening before I leave my office, I finalize my schedule for the following day. When I walk in each morning, I can be productive immediately rather than wasting precious time figuring out what I’m going to do.Strategy #3: Focus on the "Big Rocks"When planning my daily schedule, sometimes I realize that I have an unreasonable amount of work on my to-do list for the next day. I know that I can’t get it all done. This is when I turn to my list of “Big Rocks” – my most important priorities. (If you are not familiar with the terminology, “Big Rocks” comes from Dr. Stephen Covey’s method of time management. I keep my Big Rocks in a list on my iPad. The Big Rocks are the things I need to get done this quarter. When my daily schedule is overbooked, the Big Rocks are the things that get done.Strategy #4: Center and VisualizeI start each day with a meditation to help me get grounded. Before I get up from my meditation cushion, I mentally rehearse my day, visualizing and feeling myself staying focused, working efficiently, and being productive. This helps to activate the Law of Attraction, lining up the inner and outer resources to make my day go smoothly.Throughout the day, I do “refreshers.” Periodically throughout the day, I’ll close my eyes and focus on my breathing for a few minutes. This helps to center me and restore a sense of calm.In addition, whenever I begin a new segment on my schedule, I’ll take a few seconds to visualize that section of my day going smoothly. When sitting down to write, I’ll visualize my writing going well. When I prepare to make phone calls, I’ll visualize my conversations going well and achieving the desired results.Strategy #5: Keep ScoreTo stay on track to achieve goals, it’s important to keep score. This means assessing, each day, whether or not you’ve done what was necessary to achieve your goals. For score-keeping to be effective, you must have your goals and score-keeping tool somewhere where you’re going to see it. If you can’t easily see your score, you can’t reasonably assess where you are.There are a number of ways to keep score. When you were little, your parents or teachers may have helped you keep score with a sticker chart, where you’d get a sticker every time you kept your commitment to do your homework, for example. Some adults find that this approach is still effective. You could also use a simple checklist that lists your various to-do items and deadlines. Checking each item off as it’s completed can be powerful.I’ve also discovered that there are several phone apps that work well for keeping score. If your smartphone is a constant companion, it would be a wise move to put your scorekeeping on your phone so it’s always handy. One of my favorite apps is Don’t Break the Chain, designed with the Jerry Seinfeld motivation technique. Jerry Seinfeld wanted to write a book, so he put a big red X every day through the calendar when he actually wrote. He didn’t want to break the chain of red X’s, hence the name Don’t Break the Chain. (Click here for a list of apps reviewed by About.com.)Strategy #6: Celebrate MilestonesCelebrating your progress along the way is essential to staying motivated. If you set a goal that takes nine months to achieve, it’s hard to stay motivated the entire time because there’s no payoff. So build in milestones to celebrate along the way.If your goal is to lose weight, celebrate every two pounds you lose. If you’re writing a book, celebrate every 20 pages that you write. If your goal is to book 35 speaking gigs, celebrate every 5 engagements that you book. Celebrating milestones keeps you inner child excited, because it feels rewarded for all of the efforts it’s made.Strategy #7: Schedule Down TimeWhen you’re on fire to achieve your goals, it’s tempting to skip free time. (This is when you often here people say, “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”)However, when you deny yourself free time, you get tired. You become less efficient. You make poorer decisions and are less creative. Your inner child can get resentful of the demanding pace, and it becomes easy to get burned out. That’s why I plan free time into my schedule to rest and rejuvenate.My friend Dan Sullivan of The Strategic Coach, Inc., taught me to schedule three types of days into my calendar. Focus Days are primetime for work. Buffer Days are for practice, preparation and miscellaneous details, such as dental appointments or getting caught up on email. Free Days are the third type of day. They’re 24-hour periods dedicated to resting and recharging. I’ve found that scheduling Free Days have resulted in a greater level of passion, creativity and energy in my work.Your goals are important – not only to you and your family, but to the world. You have a purpose, and your goals are how you are meant to live your purpose. The seven strategies I’ve shared here have been essential to my ability to get things done. Use them to ensure that when 2015 comes to an end, you’re celebrating the accomplishment of your goals, rather than regretting what hasn’t happened.Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul®and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.comWant to accelerate your ability to achieve your goals? - A note From Michael Kline - Join me at one of our local public Success-a-thon 1 Day Workshops. This is a fantastic introduction to The Success Principles. We also offer customized 1/2 day, full day and multi-day programs for your company or organization. Click here for more information on The Success Principles seminars and our unique training programs that make the work more sustainable for organizations.

By Michael KlineI know you’re stressed and have a million things to do. Be patient. If you get to the end of this article, I promise some new ideas about stress and I promise it’s not diet and exercise. Aaaaaaaaagh! If you start your sentences with a word that should only appear in comic strips, you might be stressed. If you finish sentences with words that are politely spelled with !&#%*@ symbols, then you might be stressed. If you yell at people, curse traffic, sigh at every inconvenience, say “I need a drink/smoke”, bite your nails or curl up on the floor in a fetal position in your office, you might be stressed.

The trouble is most of us need our job and our relationships that provide the stressors. We also know that every job and every relationship will have its’ share of stressors anyway. Did you know that stress, in moderation, can be helpful? Like a little fear, stress can drive you to be your best, to stay sharp and focused at work, home, play and in relationships. Like most things that are good for us, too much becomes bad for us. Too much stress can cause a multitude of health problems, including heart disease, digestive troubles, obesity, and skin conditions. Beyond physical health, excessive stress can damage our mental and social wellness too, destroying relationships and leading to anxiety and depression.

Sometimes you get to the point where you can only think of extremely short-term solutions – drink, smoke, fight, quit, run away, lash-out, over eat, or stop eating. I’ve tried most of these quick cures, to no avail. This is where you expect me to say diet and exercise. No, you don’t want to hear that, until you’re ready to hear that – when you are, you’ll do it. It’s not like it’s a secret. Its’ the best cure for nearly everything, but until we develop self-discipline, the mother of all character strengths, diet and exercise will remain elusive fantasies. Let’s talk about something you can do to manage stress today, that’s fun, creative and instantly rewarding. 1. Stop saying I CAN’T, and ask what CAN I do? This shift in word use is very powerful.2. Stress comes when we feel that we are not in control – so what can you do to take some control? Business slow? Relationship suffering? Take action and do something positive – anything! When you are working on something, it brings hope back into the picture. Hope is a positive start, on which you can build some momentum for more ideas, more effort, more action, and more results with less stress. Procrastination produces just the opposite. 3. Do you work in fear? If you are afraid of speaking up at work, know this – most employers are looking for people who engage and take an interest in making things better. If your company is looking to cut back, they would be wise to cut back the quiet worker who contributes nothing extra. Be the interested employee who contributes ideas. These ideas will reduce your stress because you’ll be working at making the place better, and at the same time will reduce your fear of not being valuable enough.4. Are you valuable? Yes. I can’t say you are in the right job or industry or relationship, but most of the damage done to us, we do to ourselves. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, educated enough, experienced enough, we don’t know the right people, or people don’t like us enough… it’s all crap. Yes, that is the technical jargon used to describe the psychological disorder of not feeling like you are enough. Crap. You are enough. Stop choosing to feel stressed because you let others be in charge. At the very least, you are always in charge of how you feel, so start there. Go do something you love, without fear or a lack of confidence or a feeling of uncertainty stressing you.5.There is no such thing as certainty. Like most people on this planet, I started out with nothing, had some successes, some failures, and more successes. The only thing I am sure of, is that I’ll be okay no matter what false sense of security, or false sense of insecurity I feel from time to time. I am in charge of my life, which is a big stress-reducer. I will mess it up and fix it again and that’s ok. Wherever you are, you are in the right place. How you got here was the right way. Wherever you go is up to you and you can start heading there anytime you’re ready, and that will be the right time. In conclusion then, my message is to be proactive. Lots of opportunities to reduce stress and create more wellness in your life are being offered by the local non-profit, Evergreen Institute for Wellness, including an Introduction to Meditation for Stress Reduction, a class called Standing in Your Power and more. Their website also offers several free online wellness classes, visit www.evergreenforwellness.org. Thinking of starting a business to take charge of your life? Find out if you should and how best to do it – I’ll be teaching a SCORE start-up workshop Oct 26th. Visit www.mtwashington.score.org.

Whether you already own a business, or are thinking about starting one, the short answer is yes, until it changes to no. You are not the same person today that you were ten years ago, and you won’t be the same person ten years from now that you are today. It does not matter if you are looking backward to when you started a business, or forward to why you want to start something, everything about you changes over time - your family, your financial needs, your personal goals, your attitude, your interests, etc. It’s no different than a job that no longer suits you – you need to be responsible for your life’s outcomes and make the best of what you’ve got and know when to move on to better things that serve what you need at this time of your life.A business plan is not enough. Convincing a bank to lend you money seems like confirmation enough that you have a good idea, but the bank, as careful and as smart as they are, does not ask enough questions or talk about the most important issues. Getting a bank to say yes, is not confirmation that your business will succeed. In fact, 100% of bank loans that have failed, originally proved itself worthy of a loan.Next month, I will be teaching a business start-up seminar for our local SCORE chapter. In one full day workshop, we will cover absolutely everything you will need to know to decide if you should start a business, how to go about it, how to become an employer, choose a location, forecast revenue and profits, how to create a quality business plan and a marketing plan. One of my goals is to get most of my students to chicken out before they bet the farm on a bad idea.Because I know something the bank doesn’t talk about, I want to take you a step further. You must know your industry, your competition, your market, your pricing strategy, your costs and your sales forecasts. You also need to know about leading difficult employees, negotiating with impossible suppliers and landlords, getting along with the IRS, and working 100 hours per week with no benefits, no sick days, no pay and no boss to give you the answers. That’s the easy stuff!

Three questions the bank won’t ask you: 1. What is your exit strategy - How will you retire or sell your business – to whom and for how much, and why would someone want it? 2. Are you physically up to the challenge – how well do you take care of yourself to have the energy to do what it takes and keep doing what it takes when it gets more demanding – and it will. 3. Tell me about your relationship with your mother/or father – yes, this may take more than an hour or two on the couch with a good therapist! Why do you want to do this – beyond making money and being the boss – why this particular business? Whom are you trying to impress? What romantic notions do you have about this industry and the glamor it pretends to hold? Are you limiting your potential not having enough faith in your own skills – or are you getting in over your head, beyond your skills? Are you psychologically fit for what awaits? Are you prepared for the tears (there will be many) and the joy (it may be great) and the successes (that may ruin you) and the rollercoaster ride that is the true nature of all businesses?In the upcoming SCORE workshop, I will give you three things. All the technical/official information you need, plus I will share true war stories from the road I have been on for the last thirty years and how we avoided disaster, survived in crisis and thrived in opportunity. Finally, I will also ask hard personal questions for you to take home and consider.If you are already in business and want to talk exit strategy, email me or find another counselor, (SCORE has some good ones for mature businesses as well). If you are just starting out on your own, come to my class, prepare for an amazing adventure, and get ready to grow in ways you never imagined. Michael Kline is a local retailer, success coach and trainer. He may be reached through his website, www.klineseminars.com, or e-mail, mike@klineseminars.com.

Conway Daily SunAugust 28, 2013By Michael KlineSince the discovery of fire, humans have gathered in circles around the fire to tell stories, share ideas and solve problems. Today, our work circles have morphed into long rectangular tables and the fire has moved to one end, known as the PowerPoint presentation. Various members of the circle no longer tell stories. Instead, one speaker, who wields the remote control of the presentation slides, tells the story. Not surprisingly, most people think meetings are a waste of time. At home, the situation is often worse, partly because it is more important and partly because it should be under our own control to do better. At home, our circle gathering at mealtime is often lost to fast food on the go and eating at different times, with no time for sharing, caring or engaging in real communication. Do these things matter? If so, how do we fix it?

In the work environment, employees are looking for more meaning. Employers are seeking engagement from/with their employees. Their actions demand compliance, but seldom, if ever, promote engagement. Is this topic about motivation? Daniel Pink, in his book Drive, teaches us what science knows that business does not. Science knows that intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic motivation. Business thinks we are motivated exclusively by dollar incentives. Science knows that once minimal financial needs are met, money is not an effective motivational tool for most people.

Far more important, is being part of something important, making a contribution that matters, having positive relationships and feeling engaged. Think about the best boss you ever had. Chances are, that boss made you feel great about yourself and brought out the best in you. When you do your best work, I bet you were lost in the work, and did not notice the time passing or other distractions. We call that being in “flow”.Flow cannot be bought with the promise of a bonus. Positive relationships, engagement (flow), a sense of meaning and achievement happens when we turn off the PowerPoint and put the fire back into the center of our circle. (We use a candle as a reminder of the metaphor). It happens when we face each other and we have a different kind of conversation. It happens when we all tell our story with intention and we all listen to one another with attention. I must sound like I just got back from a hippie retreat where we all sat around a circle and sang Kumbaya. I did, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is wondering what is wrong with his or her business or family. The biggest real-life challenge to this concept is time and the biggest reward is anything you want.

All this takes time. So we risk productivity and we slow down. When we slow down and have this experience, we learn from one another. We make it safe for quiet people to speak and share their otherwise hidden wisdom. We identify real problems and solve them, instead of rushing judgments and covering up symptoms. We build trust. When we have trust, we make decisions faster and with more confidence. With trust, everything moves faster and costs less. In low-trust environments, everything moves more slowly and costs go up.

Steven Covey, in Predictable Results in Unpredictable Times, calls this “moving at the speed of trust”. When we slow down, and invest in the painfully slow, but hugely rewarding process of listening to and valuing one another, we actually are speeding things up.

The reward comes in the form of building a team that cares. Actually, we are building a tribe, who lives to come to the circle around the fire and share and care, and contribute their ideas and solve the group’s problems and commit to the collective future and who asks for what they need and who give what they can. We have the power to create such an amazing existence.

I found my inspiration for returning to this seemingly basic, yet complex and ancient idea of gathering and communicating, from the book The Circle Way, a Leader in Every Chair by Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea. I just returned from The Circle Practicum, a five-day intensive retreat (www.peerspirit.com) with the authors and a group of business people, teachers, legal professionals, ministers and dreamers who were so inspirational, I can’t wait to share more with you. Stay tuned, or contact me for details.Michael Kline is a local retailer, success coach and trainer. He may be reached through his website, www.klineseminars.com, or e-mail, mike@klineseminars.com.

Making Money from KindnessConway Daily Sun Wed. May 25, 2011By Michael KlineDoes Kindness Weekend have anything to do with business or is it just about school-yard bullying and politicians? I’d say it has to do with every aspect of our lives, but this being a business column, we should discuss kindness and its role in making money. I know; I’m crass.First let’s get passed the actual business side of this particular kindness event. In life, as in business, we get that on which we focus our attention. If you want more sales, focus on your sales efforts; if you want more kindness in your life, focus on kindness. It is more effective to focus on sales than to focus on fear of financial failure. It is also more effective to teach and practice kindness, than focus on fear of bullying or conflict. Focus on what you want. This event is simply a community wide focus on kindness.Cynics might say this is some sort of business gimmick, and I’m devaluing the message by talking about making money from it. Being involved in the event, I can tell you first hand it is about quality of life; both the benefits of kindness and making money. Kindness Weekend was conceived out of a desire solely for public benefit. To fund the event, the N. Conway Village Association invested in it to bring traffic to the valley, so it is being promoted as another reason to bring families to the valley for Memorial Day weekend. Of all the things we could create to sell for a profit, what could be more beautiful? The event is sponsored by The Evergreen Institute for Wellness, with their message that Kindness produces physical health benefits for the giver of kindness. When you do something for someone else, it can reverse feelings of depression, provide social contact and decrease feelings of hostility and isolation that can cause stress, overeating, ulcers, etc. With everything to gain, nothing to lose and no cost, who would even want to argue with that? So, what about you making a profit from all this?Business is about making money. Some think it is more profitable to be unkind. They are wrong. K=R=P is a formula Tom Peters uses to explain the impact of kindness on business. In 1982, Tom Peters authored the world-changing business book In Search of Excellence, and more recently, his new book 163 Ways to Pursue Excellence. The formula stands for Kindness = Repeat Business = Profit. Far be it from me to challenge the mind of Tom Peters, but I would change the R to stand for Relationships. The repeat business he talks about comes from the same relationship-building trust that increases productivity, reduces turn-over, sick time and labor problems with employees. Better relationships also help negotiate better terms with suppliers. So my version of the formula K=R=P is Kindness = Relationships = Profit.Consider an extreme example featured in a New York Times article in May 2008 – American Airlines and Southwest Airlines held annual meetings in Dallas on the same day. Airline pilots picketed the American Airlines meeting while Southwest pilots bought full page newspaper ads thanking founder Herb Kelleher for his 37 years of service. Animosity between management and labor is near impossible to navigate when there is no trust. We see this in our political system globally, nationally and locally. We see it sometimes with our own staff relationships. Without kindness, there is no trust, without trust, there is no relationship. Without relationship, we’re fighting and clawing our way through all our dealings. Kindness is no longer an option in business. It is critical to the customer and the employee and if you’re smart (and I know you are), you’ll make it critical with the supplier, landlord, neighbor and even wrong numbers. Everyone is a potential relationship.My regular seminar students and column readers know I talk a lot about building trust. In all business relationships, trust reduces cost and increases speed. Dr. Stephen Covey calls it “moving at the speed of trust” in his book Predictable Results in Unpredictable Times. If your customer needs a lawyer before signing a contract, it is far more expensive and time consuming than making a hand-shake deal. If you have to “sell” your employees on a new idea, you would enjoy greater productivity if you had instant buy-in based on trust. This is not to say you should expect people to follow blindly doing as they are told; those days of curmudgeonly bosses are long gone. This is about leadership, which involves employee in-put, which is a form of kindness. I hear some of you grumbling, so hear me out. I know that you know what you’re doing. I know you don’t have time for every employee’s ideas. I know you want to be able to trust your employees as well, to empower them to be their best. So how do you become the cultivator of employee engagement? We have a system for that! Yes, we have a system for everything, as you have surely read in previous columns. An effective business development process has a management system that provides the framework and structure for employee engagement in an orderly fashion that respects input efficiently, maintains focus, creates accountability and drives productivity like nobody’s business. It allows for, no – it requires kindness. Good thing kindness is free.In researching this column, I was online listening to Tom Peters lecture at Cornell University. When Tom tells you that his ridiculously over-the-top-big-time selling book In Search of Excellence really didn’t say anything more than take care of people – maybe there’s something to that. How to make it fit in the real world can be complex, but the message is simple.Albert Schweitzer said: "Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate."That’s good for business.Michael Kline is a local retailer, success coach and trainer. He may be reached through his website, www.klineseminars.com, or e-mail, mike@klineseminars.com.