Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....

My kids are old enough that they don't need someone at home. I mean sure, it would be great but financially we are struggling and there is no reason for us to

Quoting Anonymous:

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....

by Anonymous 3
on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:52 PM

Why not wait one more year

by Anonymous 4
on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:52 PM

18 moms liked this

Nope, they still need a parent at home, that many and those ages, yes indeed they do. The olders will resent HAVING to take care of the youngest, they wont be able to go places, do things after school

by Anonymous 2
on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:53 PM

Oh I agree...I'm saying moms that stay at home think they would still be needed at home....

Quoting Anonymous:

My kids are old enough that they don't need someone at home. I mean sure, it would be great but financially we are struggling and there is no reason for us to

Quoting Anonymous:

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:53 PM

1 mom liked this

I am sure, as a SAHM, his ex will want her kids with her if he isn't going to be there, and I understand that. She has said before that she will go back to court to change custody if and when he goes back to work, and it makes sense to me

Quoting southernjess3:

why cant he work and keep 50 50 custody? i see no difference in his kids being there and yours. at 10-11 you can get home by yourself after school. i did it at 9 with NO problems..

by Anonymous 5
on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:53 PM

20 moms liked this

I dont see an issue with this, other than expecting him to give up 50/50 for every other weekend, that is wrong imo

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.