"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing...kissing a lot. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls."Audrey Hepburn

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Hiatus and Hairdos (With a Side of Panic Attacks)

So here I am after a long hiatus and I feel I owe you all a bit of an explanation.

First, let's talk a bit about hair. My hair needs a trim and I need to color it again because lord knows it is growing fast and I need to touch up my roots, but I did bang out a tutorial a few weeks ago showcasing my new favorite hairstyle inspired by the lovely Joanne Woodward and her side swept bangs. She wore this style in varied ways throughout her life and I love how it translates to different hair lengths.

In 'The Long, Hot Summer', you may recall that she had her bangs at their shortest stage; they were barely whispy baby hairs at her hairline. But they worked so well for her character and her own personality. I've opted to take on the side swept bang in order to work with my natural cowlick and I gotta say, I'm into it.

So the style in this newest video is the way I've translated her style to my own head. I used foam rollers for this one, but I'm just as likely to use Rockin Rollers, Pin Curls, or even Hot Sticks.

So that's that. Thanks to the great Si Cranstoun for still supporting my channel and allowing me to use his wonderful music!

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So now for the more personal stuff...why I've been missing as far as weekly posts go. You can still find me regularly on Facebook and Instagram, but let's suffice it to say that things have been HECTIC in Ashley-World lately.

Not only am I homeschooling, working full time, and trying to manage an online presence (lol...that's just a joke. I hardly put any time into it compared to others), but I am also planning a move. And if any of you have ever tried to procure a residence from a considerable distance, arrange a job transfer, AND still live your daily life with some success, it is NO easy task!

I've always had stress, but I feel like I've done a good job managing it and I'm a pretty routined person that accomplishes a lot. But suddenly, last month, things sort of came to head when I had my first actual PANIC ATTACK. I was driving when it happened and yada yada yada ( to make a long story short) paramedics were called because I literally thought I was dying. For me, it came as blurred vision, a feeling that I wasn't getting any oxygen, and freezing-cold extremities. I was unsure what it was at the time, which contributed to the feeling I was having, and the paramedics suggested anxiety. I didnt buy it. I felt like I was handling everything just fine and after all, it literally came out of nowhere. I recovered shortly, went home, and went about my business with a bit of a hangover. ('Hangover' really is the best way to describe it, if any of you have ever dealt with this. It renders you a little hopeless, like you have failed, and it becomes difficult to 'even out' again.)
The next night, I tried to drive to the store and it happened again...a much worse case that ended at the ER. This time, I 'bought it'. Obviously, only something psychological could strike in so sinister a way at such an inconvenient time. Medication was prescribed for episodes and I'm happy to report that I rarely have had to use them since. Having an understanding of the situation has helped me considerably and I now feel more in tuned with my body and my mind. Let me say though, that if you have stress and anxiety and you don't listen to your body, I can see how you could easily have a break down. This is true physical stuff, no matter what some may think. Much like depression, panic attacks and anxiety need your understanding and your consideration, not your derision or skepticism.

I won't say more at this time on the subject. But needless to say, I know I have to focus on important stuff first and view my tutorials as a hobby, not an obligation, which is and always been what they actually are. You may not see me as regularly or as much for now, but I am certain that once things settle down again you will again be treated to weekly videos from me. This is a passion of mine that won't die, no matter how old I get or how many others are cranking out similar stuff.

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comments:

I am a mom to two, and have worked full time, mostly nights for much of their lives. Admittedly it has gotten better as they have transitioned into teenagers and do more for themselves, but I too had panic attacks, along with a long overlooked underlying depression. You're right, it's very real and frightening the first time a panic attack happens. My panic attack was associated with heart palpitations that just would not stop and made me short of breath. It has gotten much better with concentrated effort to make sure I am as balanced in work, life and love as possible. It still rears up occasionally and I am reminded that I need to refocus on what is important and what is not so much. Also, letting my husband and kids know how I need help has been key. While you owe no one any explanation, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to be transparent and share with your audience. You will always be my go to girl for vintage hair. Sending loving thoughts your way :)

Its scary when something so physical happens so suddenly and you feel like you have no control. I remember telling my fiance i wanted to jump out of the moving car. He assumed i was suicidal. I explained that i wasnt but i just wanted everything to stop. I also didnt think i was under an inordinate amount of stress at the time - as in stressed but nothing others haven't dealt with.

I had knots in my stomach for weeks, if not months. Like i was constantly nervous. I was prescribed medication that i now rarely use, although knowing its there helps. And looking back, i now recognize more anxiety and panic attacks stretching back to grade school.

Im sorry you have had to go through this. You arent alone. Counting your breaths (or just focusing on them closely) helps me when i feel one coming on. They arent always that easy to feel though.

You arent crazy. You arent even abnormal. Its more abnormal to go through life WITHOUT having an attack. We are just learning more and more what stress can do to our bodies.

I had no idea you home schooled! I'll have to get some serious pointers from you on that one. I struggle with anxiety attacks myself that appear out of nowhere. You aren't alone & you are so loved!! <3

So truly sorry. So many of us suffer in silence. I for one am very depressed, my anxiety has robbed me of joy. I have suffered for years with fibromyalgia and the depression and anxiety is linked to it. I am in a spiral...it goes in waves. Being in social media makes it worse, as a blogger, youtuber etc ...I have in my 50 years of life have learned to be a really good actress and smiling through the pain of it all. I am told I inspire others , that's a heavy weight, but it's also what keeps me from sinking completely...know that you posting this it may inspire others , knowing you are not alone is both saddening and uplifting. May you be uplifted.

Best wishes for your smooth transition and well being! I have had a couple of frantic anxious moments as well in the past and it is a serious problem. I am glad you are taking steps to put yourself first! Sometimes as mothers and wives and employees, we ourselves get pushed way to the back of the list of priorities. ❤️