Tuesday, June 19, 2007

This post contains parts of a letter that I wrote to a long lost friend...It pretty much sums up my 3rd year degree days, my last camp, my first job and joining back college for my post graduation.......

WARNING: This post is longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg............

I was in and out of TVM attending a lot of camps. In fact in the final year of degree I hardly attended any classes in college. Most of the time I was in camps having a tuff time getting trained and living a hellish life…

Looking back at those days I wonder how I managed to survive the camps…The amount of physical and mental strain that they put you through is simply unbelievable…We (the girls) were put up in an old god-forsaken palace (nalukettu) somewhere in TVM.. I forgot the name of the place. But it was some where near the Padmanabha Swami Kshetram. We were told that this particular building was used to shoot ghost movies (as if that helps!) ..We had to stay in a dusty godown around this nallukettu with no fan and just a CFL bulb for lighting.. Have a peek outside through the broken window and it’s an overgrown jungle that can scare the living daylights out of anyone who dares to venture out in the dark considering all the ghost stories connected with the place.

The place itself is so depressing and add to it the tuff regimen we had to follow I felt as if it were much better to be dead…

Waking up at 3 in the morning…waiting in long queues to use the stinking loo and the moment I get in either the water supply stops or the banging starts forcing me to get out the very next moment (these were moments when I realized the comforts of my home and it hit me how much I take things for granted)…

We have to clean up our living area (meaning the dusty godown were we sleep on the floor), arrange the carpet and luggage in a certain style which we call ‘layout’ in NCC terminology and get ready to leave for parade training by around 5am. A bus or a truck usually comes to pick us up and we are all transported to the training area -The Police Training Academy or Military Cantt….

We collect the rifles and go to the the Ground for warm up…The term warm up is actually misleading… “Adapillakal” sounds more apt…The gruelling warm up session itself lasts for around 3 hours and the trainers have no ‘Kannichorra’ whatsoever…By the end of the warm up session everyone is bruised specially around the hands and arm area due to the rifle parade. We have to twist and turn the god damn rifle and bang our hands on it strong and stiff without showing the pain that shoots out through our bruised arms…Talk about delicate damsels in distress and the trainers would double up the parade timings to make us stronger!

They give us a half hour break for break fast and we have to run for our life back to the Police Academy canteen gobble up the steaming hot food and rush back to the ground again for parade training..By the time whatever little we have managed to stuff inside is digested and it doesn't make much of a difference in our having break fast or not having it….Then again parade training till noon and all my 'long hours of beauty care' goes down the drain under the scorching heat of the sun…

A short lunch break follows and afternoon sessions are spent studying or preparing for cultural competitions till late in the night around 11pm…By the time we get back to our sleeping area its way past midnight…hardly 3-4hours of sleep and we have to get ready for the next parade….and after 12 days of rigorous camping when I get back home my parents fail to recognize their chweet-chubby-cheeky-girl who left for the camp and quiver at the sight of a sleep-deprived-seriously–pi**ed-off-zombie that has returned home….

I can go on and on about the camps at TVM….But in spite of all the tuff times it was a great experience. It gave me a real chance to introspect and made me realize how much I can 'take in' and what is my 'breaking point'. Taught me to survive in the toughest circumstances with minimal resources and made me realize the value of simple things in life like a clean toilet and edible food!!! After what I have gone through I guess I can survive anything anywhere…Those camps were a huge confidence booster…I felt stronger both mentally and physically….In short the experience was worth every bit of pain and effort that went into it….

But then the only sad part is I couldn't go for RD even though I made it to the final list.. That was a blow ….but swallowed it with the hope that what has happened has happened for the best…

Came back to college only to find that almost all the portions are over and I have absolutely no clue of the syllabus. From that day onwards it was like a challenge to get back in form and cover up for all the missed classes…more than anything else it was my moms constant threat of getting me married off (in case I flung for the exams) that inspired me to make the extra effort at studies…Meanwhile I got an offer to fly to Andaman & Nicobar Islands for a 20 day national camp in compensation for the RD camp that I had missed out….But it was during my study hols and going for the camp meant ruining my degree results so had to refuse the offer…By God that was the most toughest decision I have ever made in my life….

Gave my exams…prepared for MA entrance exams in various universities outside Kerala…gave those exams as well….then one day my friend dragged me into this campus recruitment happening in college...Got through the interview even though I was not serious about joining the company. But once I got the offer letter I changed my mind about higher studies and decided to give it a shot...I joined Sutherland Global Services as a business process executive..Got trained to be an underwriter (In case that doesn’t make any sense to you an underwriter is someone who checks and verifies loan documents and confirms or rejects the loan application)…It was a finance process..we served US based clients of reputed banks like Merryl Lynch, City Bank and Standard Charted…. Training period was lot of fun….Most of the crowd working in the company were young fresh hands like myself…ours was the pilot project of the company in cochin. It’s a Chennai based company which started off with our process. I got a feel of the corporate world, work pressure, night shifts and decided that it was not exactly my cup of tea….

So quit working and joined for MA in the same college where I did my degree…I got through the entrance exams in 3 universities outside Kerala but parents refused to let me go…So am back in college hoping whatever happens happens for the best…But college life is not the same any more…PG level studies are so heavy and serious...we hardly get time to fool around…But still manage to bunk a couple of classes and catch a movie sometimes….but generally life is a lot more uneventful compared to my degree days…*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Sunday, June 17, 2007

In Malayalam there is a saying that pretty much translates as "You don't know the value of an eye when you have one. Its only when you lose it that you realize its importance." At this point in my life I fully understand what it really means...In my case though the eye that i ignored was my mom...

It was a week ago she got transfer to Kannur..A place that takes roughly half a days journey by train from Kochi, my home town...I have never thought myself too attached to my mom. I was never a pampered kid, I never shared my secrets with my mom like some of my friends do, I never bothered to hug her and thank her for everything she had done for me..If anything we used to have humongous fights for the stupidest reasons..literally disagreeing on every second topic. And to be honest there were times when i wished i could live my life without her advice!!

So initially i thought of her shifting to Kannur as a blessing in disguise...Now i could have all the freedom in the world...do whatever i want without being checked by her...Wow!!! This was my dream!!!

But as soon as i get what i wished for ages i regret it...

I laughed at my little sister who was crying when she heard about ammas plans to move out. The same me was crying like a baby the night before she actually moved to kannur..I couldn't sleep for an entire night...the thought of not having amma around me anymore was way too depressing...I thought i was all grown up and could deal without having amma to fuss over me...But that night i realized no matter how grown up i am, no matter how much i want to live my life on my own terms, no matter how much i fight with my mom....at the end of the day there is no one who can replace my mom and life without her really 'hurts'...I realized i had taken her for granted...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I belong to the so called "Gods own country"..Sometimes i wonder how realistic this tag is because honestly i cant think of any godliness or cleanliness around me that would qualify Kerala to be called Gods own country...

Of course one can argue about the lush green landscape and Serene backwaters...but is this the kerala an average Malayali experiences on a daily basis?? At least i don't! Maybe its because I reside in Kochi, the upcoming business hot spot of the state - A beautiful port city that bears the brunt of thoughtless town planning and a negligent corporation!!

The thing that disturbs me the most is the stinking pile of garbage thrown in every nook and corner..I wish we could have a cleaner city...I wish we could have a safer city...A safer city for girls in particular...Me being a girl have personally had lots of unpleasant experiences in this city- eve teasing in its worst forms.On second thoughts I don't agree with the term Eve-teasing. The issue is more serious and deserves a more serious coinage. Its an insult and needs a term that conveys that meaning. If you are a member of the female species step into any public place and you have a very good chance of being subjected to verbal or physical insults irrespective of your age group. And more often than not the people around you wont even budge to come to your rescue...

This is something i wanted to do for a very very longggg time...to become a blogger...to have a space to unravell all my thoughts and opinions uninhibited...to share the best and worst moments...to laugh out loud and to scream in frustration...to cut things short i wish to write about myself,the people around me and my experiences...