Tuesday, 24 September 2013

My mum hated making my sandwiches for school. Actually, she loathed making my sandwiches for school.
There was the daily grumbling, the sudden groan as she remembered that she
still had to make them, and there was eye rolling and vigorous slamming of
cupboard doors.

She once made a huge batch of cheese sandwiches and froze
them. Every day she'd break off a round of sandwiches and ungraciously pack
them into my lunchbox. (They tasted horrid.)

I could feel a little hurt at how much Mum hated making my
sandwiches.

Did she not, after all, feel genuine joy at packing up bundles
of sandwiches? Was it not with quiet delight that she slipped in a butterfly
cake to thrill my heart?

Well, now that I am 10 years into packed lunches, with
another 10 to go (packed lunches did not figure in the 'shall we have four
kids?' debate; beginner's error), I completely understand her aversion to sandwich
making.

The narrow, unimaginative tastes of my children, the
difficulty of squeezing fruit and veg into miniature containers, the sneaking
suspicion that they swap the fruit and veg for hydrogenated fat bought from an
unsavoury type loitering outside the school gate, the weekly tussle over
whether crisps should ever be allowed in a lunch box (compromise: only on a
Friday) and the low level anxiety that if Jamie Oliver EVER peeked inside the Tupperware
containers, I would be instantly denounced as a feckless, wastrel of a mother.

The only way I know to deal with making packed lunches, is
to make the kids make their own packed lunches.

Sure I oversee from a distance and I'll chop a few carrot
sticks, but I decided years ago that sandwich making for four kids, five days a
week, is not for me.

And when my Jamie Oliver guilt gets too much to bear, I make
vaguely healthy cake. Like this fruit traybake. Lots of dried fruit, some
treacle - which is rich in iron - and loads of glacé icing. Which is rich in
sugar.

What can I say? Making packed lunches is a bitch and sometimes only sugar
can alleviate the tedium.

Oh and postscript: if your children are over the age of six,
why on EARTH are you still making their sandwiches? Sandwich making is a loathsome buck that you need to pass as
soon as possible or you'll end up a vituperative wreck like my poor mum.

(It's ok mum, I forgive you.)

Eat. Me. Now.

Fruit Traybake

Love this. Really easy to make, and the addition of treacle
(rich in iron, remember) gives it a sort of Halloweeny/Guy Fawkes'/Parkin/Christmas
cake feel as the days start to darken and we can happily hide layers of fat
under layers of clothing (I LOVE Autumn).

enough coconut milk to make a loose paste when egg replacing
ingredients are mixed together

Gluten free with eggs

As above, but use 2 eggs in place of the Orgran, linseeds,
bicarbonate of soda and xanthan gum. Also use butter in place of dairy free
marg if you wish (and milk in place of coconut milk)

Egg free with wheat
flour

As above, but use wheat flour in place of gluten free flour
and maybe add a little more coconut milk

For the lemon glacé icing/frosting

Approximately 200g icing sugar

lemon juice to mix (2-6 tbsps)

Grease and line a 23x29cm rectangular tin (or similar size,
not too important). Heat oven to 180°C

If using egg replacer, put the Orgran 'no egg', ground
linseeds, bicarbonate of soda and xanthan gum into a bowl and add enough
coconut milk to make a loose paste, set aside. You may find the mix thickens
after 10 mins or so, not to worry, just add a bit more coconut milk

In a large mixing bowl, cream the dairy free margarine,
sugar and treacle together. Add the egg replacing mix, or eggs, and beat until
creamed together

Scrape into the tin and bake until risen and springy to the
touch. Remove from oven and leave to cool

As the cake cools, sieve the icing sugar into a bowl and add
enough lemon juice to make a thick glacé icing...BUT, not too thick or as you
spread it over the cake, crumbs will break off and make it look messy. It has
to be thick enough to give a good coating, but runny enough so that you can
'push' it around the cake with your knife. No pressure

Place your cooled cake onto a serving plate and spread the
icing over the top, letting it artfully drizzle down the outside of the cake. I
love the point where you push the icing to the edge of the cake, it teeters on
the brink and then gravity slowly pulls it down into a thick oozy dribble.
Yummy

Leave icing to set and then squish slices into your kids'
lunchboxes. No matter that it will be a horrible mess for them to scrape off
the box at lunchtime; you'll be at home drinking a cup of tea and eating your
fat slice in peace. I love school

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Note: this blog post
does not contain a new recipe. It does contain plenty of my trademark blather.

It was somewhat of a surprise that my youngest daughter woke
up deaf on her birthday.

Well, deaf is a little harsh. She was just very hard of
hearing, a bit like an infuriating granny.

It started at 0550.

"Mummy can I come in?"

"Groan. I said 6am, but yes, ok. Happy Birthday!"

"Pardon?"

At first I thought she was taking the p**s. But when I'd
repeated myself about five times and she'd comically misheard me - a bit like
Saucepan Man in the Faraway Tree - I deduced that she was a few shades of deaf.

I figured it was due to her cold and we carried on with
birthday tradition, which means summoning all bleary eyed kids, who sit on the
end of the bed and watch the birthday girl/boy open presents.

"E has gone a little bit deaf," I told the other
kids. They showed only mild interest.

As E concentrated on opening her cards, I said quietly
"E, we've bought you an elephant for your birthday."

E carried on reading her cards. No reaction.

Now the other kids were interested.

"E, we've bought you a fairy princess!" said
another sotto voce.

No reaction.

My eldest daughter - who may be a teeny bit wicked - said
"E! You're going to Hogwarts!"

Sweet E blithely carried on reading her cards while we did
the silent, shoulder-shaking laugh which is so much fun, even at 6am.

(It's OK, we love her really.)

With all kids dropped off at school, it was time to bake a
birthday cake.

And look what I found in the Coop:

Dr Oetker does it again. Or does she? (You assumed it was a 'he' didn't you? Tsk.)

Silicone. Better out than in

Cu-ute silicone moulds and - may the god of allergies be
praised - spray icing in a can! Very exciting!

It's always a good time to make...

Get each new recipe delivered to your inbox! Woohoo!

Pig is feeling the lurve...

‘I've been cooking your recipes for 2 years and you are my God, Guru, Oh Great One...down here in New Zealand we eat one of your recipes at least once a day.’Diane, New Zealand

"Thank you so much for this recipe. I'm a total baking novice (I had to buy everything, right down to measuring spoons and scales to make these), but I really wanted to be able to make something for my my egg/dairy-free daughter while she was home for Christmas. These came out so well when I was having a practise run that I actually took one in a tiny cake tin to Heathrow to meet her! I made them many times while she was here, including for Christmas breakfast, and when she was leaving I made them again to take back to the airport with us. They were like little beacons of love, with added chocolate!" Anne

Hi Pig! Just wanted to share that although we've had the fab news my boy can now eat cooked egg as an ingredient and I'm baking like a crazed Mary Berry on steroids, he still is adamant that CAKE OF SUCCESS is the best cake in the world!!!! So I wont be throwing away the golden syrup or linseeds too soon! Lucy, Wales xxxx

'Great blog - your photos are gorgeous! Thanks for sharing all your great recipes with the world! :)'The Marketing Mama

'Dear Pig,I came across your blog after it was mentioned on mumsnet. I am practically crying.Thank you. Not only is there an overwhelming richness in terms of foods and recipe variations but all of the stories too!Bless you XXX'Anon

'I made the bread rolls yesterday. They were fabulous. Is here an appropriate place to admit that I ate all six?'MommaloveUk

The great thing about your recipes is that they are designed for a busy mum. I can buy nearly all the ingredients at the supermarket and most of them seem pretty hard to get wrong. Your blog has saved me hours of frustration trying to adapt normal recipes, saved me tons of money in ingredients and saved my dog from type II diabetes I am sure :-) Anyway we are most grateful! Sam(via email)

'Hi, another new adept here... After being given your site info from my sister who's in England, I immediately searched your recipes for something to give a horde of 8-year-old boys coming to my son's birthday party. Your chocolate cupcakes were an absolute hit with everyone. Thank you!'Kevyn, Canada

'My partner and I made double batches of these [pittas] and ate them hot from the oven with hummous and they are FANTASTIC.'

Aliceone

'LOVE your blog - both the writing and the recipes! My little boy is dairy, egg and soya intolerant and yours is the only place I've found where I can browse recipes with gay abandon!'

Isla Kirk, UK

'This is seriously good crumble.'

Reader Vicki Groth's husband while eating Pear Crumble. He is clearly a man with Good Taste.