settingIndex was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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Don’t fall for that expression. Onyx had no idea what was running through my head. Memories stampeding at such a speed the only result was going to be one serious motherfucking headache. He looked confused. He could join the fucking club. Get in fucking line. How in the fuck had I forgotten everything of importance? All of it. It had even somehow slipped my mind I was a fucking Wolf. What would have happened when it got to a full moon? When was the next one? What day was it? Fuck me…..just…fuck me. It was no wonder my mind got stuck on what had roused me from oblivion. The fact he was lingering at the grave of a traitor. A furred fang banger. That association with the symbol Onyx himself had said was in Odin’s journal. A fucking thing that had been created for one reason.

The pounding in my head was almost comforting. The tension of Vin’s hand about my wrist. I hadn’t felt pain in a while. I’d become so accustomed to it. That was weird. To not feel the constant decay of my body. The hunger for blood. Fuck I hadn’t even had a drink. Who would have thought dying was the spa day I had needed. That’s right…. My eyes flickered. Lightbulbs losing their connection to direct power for a moment. The snarl on my lips faltered. Ancestors, I needed a moment. To process. To think. I’d spent hours upon hours deliberating what should be done but had never really…thought about how the fuck I was going to deal with anything. Instead I’d just thrown it into a Nevermind Basket I’d fucking created. Knowing I was going to die had made me…give up.

I was so fucking angry. Furious. Beyond reproach. Resentful of the way Helios had just let me be Alice in fucking Wonderland. Irate at the Wolf beside me and whatever he was hiding. Outraged that my pack hadn’t even tried to find me. What enraged me the most was myself. Disgusted in the fact I had slipped off into my own universe rather than deal with the fact I’d been resurrected and what the fuck that meant. “I….” I had been going to actually growl the words aloud that were now repeating themselves over and over in my skull. I died over and over. I can’t die. The Ancestors won’t allow it. I understood now. They wouldn’t let me die until I had done what was asked of me.

How exactly was I meant to do that? Protect an Alpha who perhaps didn’t deserve to be protected. Fuck. There it was. Doubt. I knew where it came from. All the arrows pointed to Odin round two. Yet I couldn’t look into that face and know he was guilty. Was this a test? Of my loyalty. To my new pack. To the Ancestors. To Onyx. “That question has so many fucking answers I don’t even know where to begin.” Everything was fucked up now. I remembered the last correspondence I’d had with Onyx. In the form of a letter. Condemning Apollo. As much as that probably needed to be dealt with, there were more important matters.

“You’re coming with me.” I grasped his arm hard eyes blooming into full illumination. Digging my fingers into his bicep. A road trip was in order. Without my phone it was going to be a fuckshow but this needed to be done and I wasn’t going to do it here. A trickle of terror spiked me but I smothered it. I’d been weak enough. Onyx looked run down though….. “Before you bitch, be aware that if you don’t I will tell everyone about your intimate relationship with…..Lilith.” Not knowing what that link was, meant that statement was a risk. Pretending to have a full house and betting extravagantly. The name alone I sneered. “Then I’ll eat your heart.” An easy lie. Fuck I was so good at it. So good I could even lie myself into amnesia.

It hurt. It actually hurt my chest to say those words. It also made my gut turn. Like two conflicting parties were stirring for a fight. I swallowed deeply to keep the bile at bay. Heart bellowing in my ears. Part of me wanted to bury my face in his neck and breathe deep of that smell I missed. The other wanted to then sink my teeth into his flesh and rip his throat out.

It was a relentless certainty that when I least wanted wanted something, I’d be granted it in spades. If I was smart, I’d add a few million dollars and Megan Fox onto my list of undesirables. But instead, I stuck to the usual. Lilith acid trips, attitude from my pack, and of course, headaches, not least of which came in the form of tiny blonde wolves with tempers as large as my own, and a stubbornness that far exceeded any I’d ever experienced. And it was these simple constant facts that I found uneasy due to them being so utterly easy. Finding comfort in discomfort was another level of fucked mental bullshit that I couldn’t even begin to diagnose. Especially when It was this particular brand of discomfort, one I’d found so easy to despise in the past. One that was now tainted by a bond that I myself had created. Being around her was like being around a dick sibling or possessed limb, something that’s a part of you, something you love, but you loathe just the same. Even more fucked was how deeply I missed the simplicity of loathing her and nothing more. And while I was the one to blame, it was so much easier to hate her for it. Effortless was all I had energy for, and hating her was nothing if not effortless. So I buried that pack bond that we now shared under a few layers of repressed memories and unbearable heartache, and let myself be consumed by the only thing that I had left. The only thing that was all mine and untouched and unsullied by fangers, wolves, and most importantly, Lilith.

Anger.

I watched her eyes flicker out, filling the air with bigger clouds as the seconds ticked by. Something was definitely fucking weird, and I blamed it entirely on that bond I was working on ignoring. I nervously scratched my jaw as my eyes broke away, looking back down at Odin’s grave and twitching my lip in disgust. A half-assed laugh came out with it, and my eyes returned to their previous state of staring into the sun. Only it wasn’t there to distract me anymore. It’s light still filled the sky, but that big, glowing, golden, sphere was nowhere to be seen. Unless you counted little wolf's eyes, but I was avoiding eye contact like any warrior would when faced with medusa.

My teeth began grinding and eyes began looking places I could no longer control. I guess they were just desperate to find that sun again, because they locked on hers which were lit up like two burning suns, blinding fury and all. The tightness of her grip made me resist, or maybe it was that fury in her eyes… Or the fury in her tone? Maybe it was the intent in her grip. Either way my feet became roots as my heels dug into the ground. What the fuck? I growled, yanking my arm away from her.

I fell backwards, ass hitting the ground and heart rising into my throat when that name left her lips. I was a bad actor, so even if I’d tried to hide that look in my eyes, it wouldn’t have been convincing. It was a name I’d said to myself a million times, and it was so beyond fucked I even spent a moment attempting to convince myself this was another hallucination. Lilith was just fucking with me, trying to get me to slip up, trying to get me to incriminate myself.

I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. It wasn’t what I’d wanted to say, but it’s all that came out. In fact, what I’d wanted to ask was how the fuck she knew that name. It was the equivalent of a confession, and I still wasn’t even sure this was real. The fact that something about her felt different made it even easier for me to convince myself. But if it was real, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to convince her… I was still sitting there, eyes wide and staring up at her like she was a UFO and I was watching her descend from the heavens.

When I finally stood, my mind was moving too fast, so I latched onto that anger again, scowling before finding something to say that wasn’t a lie. If you fuckin’ threaten me again I’ll take yours. I shoved past her, heading towards my truck, with no intention of turning around. My outside said rage, but my hands were shaking with fear and my breathing was as shallow as my resolve.

Not being a member of Reprisal would have made this a smoother ride. Not without major turbulence, which was going to negate any bullshit fed through an intercom by a hostess. Having breathing apparatus swinging down from the roof in your face was enough for anyone to ignore softly spoken words of reason. Considering the fucked warm feeling I had in my chest just touching him, I knew any bumpy flight was going to provoke ‘this is the end’ selfies.

For a glimmer of a smidgen of a second, I considered weighing my options. Then the desire was gone. I knew something to be a fact now. My instincts were perfect. The Ancestors had spared my life. Not once. Not twice. I was their warrior. There was no need now to think about the ripple effect of any action, any statement, any decision because I had their support. Real support. Proof. Not confused phrases and poems to fucking decipher. They had condoned my path because they had chosen to keep me alive. I’d shit on their cornflakes by being so overwhelmed I’d checked out for a while. I’d been fucking drinking Fanger blood for fuck sake and they had still resurrected me. I was going to make it up to them and do my fucking job.

When Onyx stumbled with the reactive balance of a sick Wolf, I almost smiled. He was speaking my language. Anger came from a place painted in shades of red. Like passion. That aggression felt like home. It was the expression on his face from the ground that freaked me the fuck out. See, I had no idea what was going on really. Having memories shoved back in my head like clowns into a fucking mini wasn’t a pretty picture. Who I had spoken to about that symbol clusterfucked together. Joining to make horrific mutations. Memory Monsters. When I looked down at him I felt disembodied. The furious snarl on my face sticking but my mind thinking about the scrying nightmare.

“Who’s the fucking liar now huh?” It only came out after he had risen and threatened my life. Ha. Funny. How fucking hilarious would it be if he could witness my miraculous recovery? Fuck. How did this shit work? Was it a Vampire thing? Or a Zombie thing? Did I have an incubation period? How the fuck did I know anything about zombies? Oh yeah. I’d been acclimatized to media during my stay in the church. Early days I remembered had been spent curled on a couch, watching a television set. Sometimes Helios had joined me. Depending on what I had been given to watch. Luxx! Pay attention, fuck. ”If you had the nutsacks to kill me you would have, when I was weak. You missed your fucking chance.”

He was actually going to get into that truck. Run like a little bitch. Looking around, sniffing the air quickly I at least made a conscious decision to check if the coast was clear. Shifting into a white wolf in broad daylight near the town was suicidal given last time I was aware, the place was crawling with fucking Supremacy Undead.“The Vampire God. You know the one. You fucking wear her symbol like a number on a letter jacket. Whose team are you fighting for Onyx?” I wasn’t going to let him leave. I’d wanted him to fear for his life. For his position. What Pack would follow a fucking Alpha who could be revealed to be a traitor? While I didn’t have the full story I wanted, I could make one up. I had enough dirt. Having him come of his own accord had been important.

“I said, you’re coming with me.” The shift was painful but I forced it quickly. Shredding the Salvation Army boutique I was wearing without second thought. His movements were sluggish. Weak. A part of me ached because of it. The rest found enough disgust to swing a paw at the side of his head. My claws missed his skull by an inch. A thump hard enough to give the Alpha something else to gripe about when he regained consciousness. Fuck I’d missed this. Every sense was heightened beyond explanation. A mixologist’s cocktail of scents I couldn’t smell with my human nose suddenly swamped me. Before I became completely enchanted with the Wolf I slipped out of form and rolled Onyx onto his back.

He even frowned while out cold. Grinning like a fucking idiot I began rummaging through his pockets. A hot blush rose on my cheeks when I didn’t find his keys. I was just feeling him up now. “Fuck me. If you knew I’d never hear the end of it.” Sighing I pulled my hands out of his denim and crouched over him to press my forehead against his. “I promise not to read any of your messages but I’m going to take your phone.” Recalling numbers out of the circus that was my head was going to be a fucking show that was for sure. “And I have to drive your truck.” I was whispering to him like everything was a secret. In a tone that really needed to stay a secret. “Please don’t be Odin’s successor.” Enough Luxx.

Dragging him into his own truck was fucked up. In human form I had the strength of a kitten. The only way I won fights was through speed and well…cheating. Brute force had never been in my arsenal. Somehow I managed to clock his head again on the doorframe. Now there was a cut along the curve of his eyebrow. Oh well. Guess I had to make sure he was zonked. I had found his keys still in his hand. Even though the fingers were limp I could tell the door opening metal fragments had been slid between his fingers. Wonder if he'd been about to punch me in the face? Makeshift knuckle duster.

Though I really needed to make some phone calls, as soon as Onyx was strapped in tight, I began to drive. We needed to be as far out of town as possible before he woke up. Once I was on the highway and really pushing my foot to the floor I risked turning on the stereo. What was a road trip without a soundtrack?

What was I supposed to do? She was actually making sense. Luxx, of all fucking people, had not only made sense, but was now causing me to question my own fucking leadership. I’d painted her in every incriminating shade, and yet punishments eluded me. I was an archive of empty threats, with all the rage and fury, but none of the conviction to see anything through. I felt like I’d had a reason for my lack of action, once, but my brain was in shambles. Some memories were like sunken ships, sitting somewhere deep inside of me, but surrounded by water and I was too fucking scared of drowning to dive in after them. It was like little bits of me were being left behind, like every blackout took out a part of me, and patched in a part of her. I was becoming Frankenstein's monster, only my sewn in patches weren’t visible. It was something that had an easy solution, magical meds from the local witch doctor, but I simply didn’t have the energy to get a refill.

Regret wasn’t exactly unfamiliar. So it didn’t at all take me by surprise when it suddenly decided to pay me a visit. And when I found myself fantasizing about grabbing the little wolf by her jaws and tearing her in half, I still wasn’t surprised. I’d experienced this bullshit a million times. And though I questioned whether I was to blame for the morbid fantasies, or Lilith was to blame for the overwhelming sense of regret, they had become such a constant state it was hard to fear what I’d come to view as my own hellish version of normal. But what did take me by surprise, was the words coming out of Luxx’ mouth. The words that only made me walk faster. Words that scared me more than a million fantasies of a million dead corpses, a lifetime of regret, and a thousand days of drowning combined. After all this time, someone that could actually hurt me where it mattered knew, and I had no idea how she found out.

”The Vampire God.” My throat tightened. ”You fucking wear her symbol like a number on a letter jacket.” My heart started racing. I gripped my chest but kept on fucking walking. You’re fucking high. I spat back, but refused to look her in her eyes. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I glared, but at nothing, at no one. But that glare wasn’t going anywhere. She had no fucking idea how long I’d been fighting, what I’d been fighting for, how much I’d sacrificed. All so she could find me and throw accusations, and then demands.

Maybe this was it. Maybe she’d known all along, then weaseled her way into pack, all so she could reveal the “truth” and claim what she likely believed was her rightful spot as Alpha. Well she could fuck off. She could take my rank over my dead body, which unfortunately for her, was going to be harder than she likely anticipated. I wasn’t go-

---

My head hurt, I could smell blood, and my body was vibrating. That’s what I knew when I woke up. And when my eyes opened, I saw the road in front of me, and… I growled. I was in my truck, and that fucking bitch was in the drivers seat. You’re fuckin’ dead. I threatened, pressing the base of my palm against my forehead to try and keep my skull from shaking with the movements of the truck. It was useless, just as useless as my threat. Pull over. I demanded quietly. Pull the fuck over! I demanded again, this time less quietly and with glowing eyes. Either I was getting an explanation and then driving home. Or I was not getting an explanation, but either way, I was going fucking home.

“What are you doing?” I saw my reflection in the mirror. Me but not me. My Doppleganger. What the fuck? So she wasn’t a fucking blood hallucination. Was I going to act fucking crazy and start talking to someone who couldn’t possibly be there? No way. She was obviously not a part of me because she was asking such a stupid question. Not one I needed to ask myself. There was no soul searching to be done. I pulled my eyes from her face. My attempt at ignorance. “Where are you going?” Another pointless question. Though I wasn’t looking at her I could tell she moved. When I couldn’t stand it anymore I sought her out. She was staring at Onyx. I’d started to wonder if I’d hit him too hard. He didn’t look especially well. Like he was suffering from one catastrophic hangover he had tried to remedy with more drinking. Piling liquor on top of liquor and his liver was giving out. Even music couldn’t blot out the uneasy feeling in my stomach. Was funny to think I was having second thoughts about hurting him…when technically this was the least of his worries at the moment.

“This is one way to protect the Alpha.” Who was she? An emissary of the Ancestors? I’d heard stories. Wolves being visited by the dead. Some of my favorite stories told by Sona featured what she called Spirit Walkers. Then why did she have my face? She’d spouted off parts of my prophecy before. That’s why I’d thought she was just…a part of me reaching out. “Take very good care of him sweet Lilith.” That name froze my blood. Why did she keep using it? How fucked up was it that I shared the same name as a Vampire God? Just another stella gift from my biological parents. Fuck my life. I continued to pretend I didn’t see her, hear her. When I glanced back again in the mirror she was no longer seated behind us. There was no way I was going to let a figment of my imagination, Ancestor sent or not, distract me. That had been my problem. Flip-flopping between one issue to another. Never actually addressing anything. Feeling like it was pointless. No more.

There was a sudden change in Onyx’s breathing. I’d been paying close attention to it, even over the pulse of music from the speakers. Not that the volume was up all that loud…right now. Frowning I now remembered why I should be not showing concern for the Alpha. Well, actually I had no idea what constituted telling behavior. Since the Ancestors were clearly in my corner. Holding fluffy white towels. Water bottles at the ready. Cheering like fucking loonies. Then obviously it was the human God who had beef with me. Since Lilith apparently existed, and the Ancestors of course did, then logic dictated that Helios’ deity was also real. Since the first person I loved who had been taken from me was my brother….I didn’t understand why I didn’t get it before. The Ancestors didn’t curse me to a life without affectionate expression. He’d died before I became a Wolf. Before I even knew they existed.

“Tried it. Wasn’t my scene so I decided to come back.” I had been dead. Not that I particularly remembered what it felt like. I remembered what torture it had been to wait until the brink of the abyss. Teetering over the edge. Having every molecule of my being pulled apart. Right before oblivion…pulling back….turning the hourglass over. Over and over. I kept my eyes on the road though reaching out a hand to hit the lock button. Sealing all the exits closed just in case Onyx wanted to try his luck with the fast-moving tarmac. If I was honest I wasn’t even paying attention to the path ahead. Gaze a little glassy. “No!” Snarling nastily I reflected his own devastating white with determined gold. Somehow I swore the sound system turned itself up. I’d found a rock station and left it there. In these moments of loss and torment. When the vast skies don't seem to call to you. When the weight of this world bears down. And the stars have fallen like tears.“Would you? Would you pull over if it was me?!” He’d wanted me to be the villain. I’d walked right into the role with open fucking arms. Accepting the projection of his own shitty fucking secrets. Taking that burden without a second thought. The willing scapegoat. The rage sat nicely. Felt right. Now I knew I had to do what was right for Reprisal. What was right for Onyx.

I am with you always. From the darkness of night. Until the morning. I am with you always. From life until death takes me.“Maybe you would and that’s why you’ve never tried to actually kill me. Though I have lied more than I have spoken the truth. You’d still pull over but I’m not sorry that my response is…fuck you.” I swerved the truck violently in an attempt to slam his head into the passenger side door. “I’m doing what needs to be done to protect my pack. Not that you’d understand that.” The comment probably hurt me more than it did him. Mainly because it was half a lie. The rest of the slice of pie currently awaiting judgment. The lie actually felt delicious. “It was you that did this. I was your Warlord well before you made it official. I would have stayed with you till the end.” I reached over to turn down the stereo. Fuck this music. It really wasn’t helping with my mind-set. When hope seems lost, down and lowly. I am here with you always.

Multi-tasking wasn’t completely beyond me but the concept of fending off a pissed off Alpha, driving the truck and making important needed phone calls…was a steep mountain to climb. “Don’t you feel any shame and regret for the danger you’ve put everyone in?” Onyx coming of his own accord had been important. Since I needed him to drive. Plus I had to try. I had to. To appeal to the honor I knew was there. I’d seen it before. That passion for his pack. The understanding he had of the role of Alpha. That part of him had to feel pain. If it was real. He couldn’t possibly be that grand of an actor. To justify being a traitor while speaking so fervently about what those white eyes meant to him….impossible. Somehow he had done it. The light died in my eyes. “I refuse to let you destroy yourself and my new family so you’re staying with me. You’re doing what I say. Your reward is that I’ll let you kill me. Until I know everyone is safe I will fight you with everything I have.”