This blog is intended for adults only. It may contain BDSM content from time to time.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

When it stops being fun.......

i read a couple of blogs this morning that followed the theme "when it stops being fun"....... and it made me stop and think..... it made me shake my head.......

ohhhhh and before i go any further.. i am one of the worst for blogging about "when it stops being fun"...... i have bitched.. and ranted and raved.. i have cried and whined and pouted.. but i think (please note i used the word THINK) i have come to the point that i realize that life is not always fun. Sometimes it is downright plain boring, and sometimes painful.

BDSM life.. vanilla life.. LIFE in general ....... is not always fun !!! It has ups and downs .. it challenges us to hang on till the rough ride is over. But so often we all believe life should be fun all the time. Funny thing that........ on my ride home last week from work .. i was listening to a radio announcer talk about just that...... he was saying we are so quick to run to the doctor's for pills to swallow that will make us happy.. will make life happy.. will make life fun........ instead of just toughing through the bad times.

My grandmother used to say (frequently) things that don't kill us only make us stronger. Yet we don't want to face/deal with the bad times.. we want instant fixes. We want our lives to be instantly fixed in all aspects.. we wish away the bad times instead of learning from them and growing.

If it was always good times.. always fun times how would we know??? Don't we need the bad times the un-fun times to compare our good times to??? And to grow as individuals don't we need some tough times to allow our character to grow and strengthen??

If i have learned nothing else from my journey with Sir.. i have learned that we have had some damn tough times.. sometimes we have clung to each other like drowning ship mates but other times our fingertips have barely touched...... and yet each time.. once the storm was over we have come out of it closer .. stronger.. more bonded to each other than before we weathered that particular storm.

Life does not have to be a happy fun time.. life is NOT going to be one continuous party of laughter and light and whips and floggers oh my !!! It is how we cope with the bad times that is the indicator of what type of submissive we are.. what type of Dominant we are.... IF we are in for the long haul.......... not just for the fun times.

Your grandmother was right. My Ron often says it's a wonder how well I turned out, considering the circumstances I grew up in. It feels good to be a survivor, and I am stronger because I had challenges to overcome.

Conflict and bad times aren't nice, but they do make the fun, and the whips and the flogging and such, all the more special.

Happy is an occasional treat that is a reward from life. Happy is the top of the mountain overlooking a breath takingly beautiful view. Most of life is not spent at either the top of the mountain or, hopefully, at the bottom of a chasm.

And how long does one wait out the "bad times" before giving up hope that the "good times" will come back? That was my original question, but of course there is no answer for that. It's all bullshit advice that skirts around the issue. Because nobody really wants to face that, or think about it. *shrug*

It's not necessarily about not wanting to go through the bad times. You know?

I am not good at this sort of thing, particularly. I can get into a full on "snit," and become convinced that it is all dreadful and life pretty well sucks. However, when I manage to get myself to look up and around me, I can also become aware of the things and people that make my life pretty darned good.

It isn't all the way I want it to be all the time. Oh well. Mostly, I find, at the end of all my grousing, that I CAN keep on moving ahead. So, I do. Mostly.

I do think that my kind of fussing about hard times and sadness and seemingly never-ending stresses is a different matter than coping with a relationship or a life that has gone seriously in the tank. I suspect that making the distinction can be dreadfully difficult. Still, if we want to avoid tossing out a really inherently good thing over a short-term bit of struggle, it is important to figure it out.