Donald Sterling: Clippers owner, human abomination
I lost my power for four nights last week. This is because my power company, Pepco, eats a massive bag of shit and always has. I'm not alone in this opinion. Virtually everyone where I live agrees that Pepco is awful, and yet nothing is ever done about it. Their shittiness is firmly embedded in the landscape, impossible to dig out.

There are certain people and entities in this world that have remained permanent fixtures over the years despite everyone hating their fucking guts. My power company is one. The BCS is another. And Donald Sterling is a third. Every time one of these entities fucks up, it's both expected and enraging. I know Donald Sterling will somehow fuck up Blake Griffin. It's as plain as day. But that won't make it any better when it eventually happens. In fact, it'll only make it worse. Because over the past three decades, Sterling has proven himself to be a cheapskate, a liar, a bigot, a lecher, an Indian giver, a loser, and a generally monstrous human being. Everyone knows this, and yet here he remains. He'll always own this team, he'll always fuck it up, and he'll probably find a way to fuck it in the ass from the grave.

It's this remarkable resilience that makes Sterling so maddening. Every year he sticks around makes those who despise him (everyone) angrier and angrier. Like the BCS, he blissfully ignores naysayers while putting a torch to everything he touches. And no one can do much about it. It's one thing to feel victimized. It's another to feel both victimized and powerless, which is how Donald Sterling tends to make people feel.

In a way, I kind of admire the guy. I mean, really. Imagine being an asshole for THAT long, to THAT many people, and getting away with it. Imagine having enough money to be able to live inside your own self-delusion, to hire lawyers to make virtually any problem go away. Imagine being an asshole for so long that you feel more emboldened every year to be an even worse human being. Donald Sterling has FUCK YOU money, and very few people in history have gotten that much FUCK YOU out of FUCK YOU money. That man is using all of his FUCK YOU capital. I bet that feels fucking sweet.

It's the American Dream, really. And Donald Sterling and my power company get to live it every day. We should learn from these people. We should figure out the secret to becoming so rich and boorish that no one can ever touch you. I'm sure the consumption of puppy blood is somehow involved. (Drew Magary)

Ben Roethlisberger: Steelers quarterback, dick
A brief story, related to us by a trusted source: Our scene is the annual celebrity golf tournament on the shores of Lake Tahoe, the American Century Championship. The year is uncertain. Our principals are a security guard, Ben Roethlisberger, and a handful of professional football types, among them one former safety who by the end of this story will be so disgusted with Ben Roethlisberger that he will want to do to him what he once did to so many slot receivers on a crossing pattern. We are out on the golf course, somewhere among the tall pines in the shadow of the High Sierras. Imagine sunlight glinting off the lake, a whitecap or two breaking in the distance, Charles Barkley slicing a one-iron into Truckee. And now imagine Roethlisberger approaching our guard and tapping the man on his shoulder. The guard turns. He smiles. He recognizes the quarterback and extends a hand in greeting. How do you do, Mr. Roethlisberger? This is a celebrity golf tournament, after all, where the swells mingle with the commoners, where in fact the whole purpose is for the swells to mingle with the commoners, to give some real-estate broker in the gallery a nice story about Greg Maddux to embellish for the boys back in Walnut Creek. It is a safe bet that the guard has shaken a great many hands today.

How do you do, Mr. Roethlisberger?

Our quarterback reaches into his mouth and, right there in front of God and John Lynch, presses something into the guard's offered palm. The guard looks down. It's a moist little wad of chewing gum. (Tommy Craggs)

Funny list! Great that Sepp Blatter made it on there...this guy is larger than life in the world of soccer, grinning behind every corner where soccer is discussed. Its outrageous this guy is never called out in the mass media. Well, of course not. Too much money involved....

Anyhow, Berlusconi should be on that list too. Not only is he an abominable (an indicted!) prime minister but he also owns AC Milano. Oh yeah, and some media outlets too. He looks a bit like Blatter too which makes me come full circle.