Pages

10/19/11

Eight months ago I felt a cool fog creeping its way up to the ankles of my life, my thoughts, and into my heart. Seven months ago the fog began to thicken and its chill was felt increasingly higher. Three months ago I all but gave up; I'd been fighting-so hard-this darkness that I felt surrounding me and at once decided sinfully and apathetically it simply would not lift. One month ago I was overcome, completely overwhelmed by a person I didn't know, thoughts I was entirely ashamed of, and cravings for the things that in my heart I knew were anything but pleasing to the Lord.

Today, by the Lord's sweet and merciful hand of grace, I'm seeing light again. I'm feeling rays of His presence on the surface of my heart again.

No, He never left.

The Lord is so faithful, so generous. As a child stamping their feet, rebelling, demanding answers selfishly and irrationally-I was. I genuinely and authentically desired the closeness again that I had always known with my heavenly Father whilst knowingly pocketing cherished sin in my own heart. God's word is so very clear that our sin must be repented of, and it is what separates us from the Lord, and through His sweet love I was able.

I've debated whether or not I'm going to share this publicly or tuck it away. But this life is not about existing amongst one another in perfection; no. It's about sharing in our joys and in our sorrows, in our blessings and in our ordained sufferings, our laughter and our tears. So ladies, I'm taking down my wall and I'm asking you to share in my repentance, as I resolve to make many much needed changes within my heart.

I resolve

to let the Lord be my shield (Psalm 3:3-5), to let not the thoughts and lies of the enemy penetrate my daily life, but to wash myself in the truths of scripture. This includes rejecting my tendency for any level of self-pity, and in sadly selfish cases: apathy. I resolve to not dwell on my weaknesses an individual, for where I am weak He is strong. (2 Cor. 12:9)

I resolve

to "Eat not the bread of idleness" (Proverbs 31:12-27). The preceding months have taught me many things, one of which is this: "Idleness is but the devil's home for temptation, and for unprofitable, distracting musings...I have known grievous, despairing melancholy cured and turned into a life of godly cheerfulness, principally by setting upon constancy and diligence in the business of families and callings." -Richard Baxter.

I resolve

to not allow the ebb and flow of low or high self-esteem determine my self worth; I will not compare myself to to women around me, their abilities or my lack of (Phil 2:3) (Phil 4:8) (Psalm 139:14)

to be conscientious and aware of my duties, taking care of and nurturing that which God has given me-This includes not only my home and domestic duties but also my body in the way I eat, exercise, rest, and conduct my days. Meeting my daily tasks with faith, and not discouragement. Joy, and not burden. Generosity, and not selfishness. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

I resolve

to be a wife that shows my husband the gospel. A wife that fervently prays for the man that leads me and one day our family. A wife that diligently and earnestly seeks opportunity to serve. A helpmate that willingly and joyfully puts her spouse before herself. And a wife who moment by moment makes the decision to glorify God in her marriage, rather than herself. (1 Tim. 1:17) (Eph. 5)

I resolve

to never again slip into the dangerous waters of feeling confident in my own ability to accomplish any of these tasks aside from the constant and necessary intervention of the work of the Cross. (1 Tim. 1:15)

Though the obvious truth is that many more resolutions than just these will need to be made over the course of this life, this is where I'm starting and from here I will begin the next season.

5/21/11

The following is an excerpt I read in Wayne Grudem's 'Systematic Theology' that continues to leap to the forefront of my mind as I repeatedly watch updates on individuals' personal profiles file onto my feed addressing the end of the world.

(Beginning in reference to Matt. 24:44 and Luke 12:40)

"The point of these passages is that Jesus is telling us that we cannot know when he is coming back. Since he will come at an unexpected time, we should be ready at all times for him to return. The practical result of this is that anyone who claims to know specifically when Jesus is coming back is automatically to be considered wrong. The Jehovah's Witnesses have made many predictions of specific dates for Christ's return, and all of them have turned out to be wrong.* But others in the history of the church have made such predictions as well, sometimes claiming new insight into biblical prophecies, and sometimes claiming to have received personal revelations from Jesus himself indicating the time of his return. It is unfortunate that many people have been deceived by these claims, because if people are convinced that Christ will return (for example) within a month, they will begin to withdraw from all long-term commitments. They will take their children out of school, sell their houses, quit their jobs, and give up work on any long-term projects whether in the church or elsewhere. They may initially have an increased zeal for evangelism and prayer, but the unreasonable nature of their behavior will offset any evangelistic impact they may have. Moreover, they are simply disobeying the teachings of Scripture that they date of Christ's return cannot be known, which means that even their prayers and fellowship with God will be hindered as well. Anyone who claims to know the date on which Christ will return-from whatever source- should be rejected as incorrect."**

*Their attempt to save face by claiming that Jesus actually did return on October 1, 1914, in an invisible way, is incorrect because it denies the visible, bodily nature of Christ's return that is so clearly specified in several passages [of scripture].

**Even in the "enlightened" twentieth century, such alarms can be persuasive to many people. In the summer of 1988 a former rocket scientist with impressive academic credentials circulated a booklet claiming that Jesus would return on September 12, 1988, and tens of thousands of copies of the book found their way around the United states and to various parts of the world. I was surprised to find that some otherwise sober Christian friends had read it and were alarmed, and to hear that some Christians in our community had pulled their children out of school in order to be together as a family when Christ came back. When the prediction failed, the author, Edgar Whisnant, revised his prediction, saying his calculations were one year off and Christ would return instead on September 1, 1989 (or one day earlier or later), or, if not then, on Rosh Hashanah 1990 or 1991 or 1992, or, at the latest, September 15-17, 1993. Of course , those predictions also failed. But many lives were disrupted and many people had false expectations aroused and then dashed by the publication of this booklet and its sequel.

5/20/11

It's astonishing to me that when I hit 'enter' after typing something into my browser, if it's not at the 'destination' of my request within 5 seconds, I'll retry. Sometimes I'll even restart the computer if it seems to be slow... (before you roll your eyes at me, count to one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand, four-one thousand, five-one thousand...my guess is you skipped all of those because it was taking too long?)

We hate to wait. My generation hadn't even experienced technology for what it is now until we were in junior high when the walkman (portable CD player) was all the rage (especially if you had one of the ones that didn't skip when the school bus went over all the bumps). Before then cassette tapes, radio programs, VHS tapes, and pagers, were all normal to us; cell phones and the internet seemed like things we'd watch the Jetsons use Saturday morning on Cartoon Network. Suddenly a tech-typhoon swept over us and has never weakened. We make them faster, smaller, better, trendier, faster, smarter, sleeker, louder, cleaner, easier, and oh, did I mention we really like to make things faster? I'm sure it's no new bit of information for me to tell you that everything we develop in some way is geared towards getting gratification, and getting it instantly.

We don't just hate to wait, we don't know how to wait. For a moment with me shift your attention away from the technology, and towards your heart to see what this genre of circumstance reveals.

To wait on something that is not in your control, is to depend on something or someone else. Our unquenchable thirst for instant appeasement translates into an obsessive need to have constant control at our fingertips (metaphorically and literally speaking). Always.

The Bible so beautifully highlights the value of waiting, the merit of being patient, and the importance of releasing our grip. Do we really want to see the Lord work? Do we truly desire to see the power of the almighty God manifested in this world? Then we need to return to our true place, the place that belongs to us, in both creation and redemption, the place of absolute and unceasing dependence upon God. Waiting on Him.1

Whatever you're waiting on today, be still and know he is God (Psalm 46:10). Our fullness and joy is to be found at the foot of the cross just waiting. Our timing is often flawed and our plans are seldom unselfish, but praise the Lord for His grace and mercy, for His timing is perfect, His plan is divinely sovereign, and His Love for us is unparalleled.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint"

2/4/11

I wrote this two years ago when I was a student at Liberty University...Though some of you may have read it already I wanted to "re-share" this in light of the recent snow dump on my town of Fort Worth, enjoy!

My scarf around my neck, and coat pulled over me, I’m staying warm-but in awe. Footstep trodden pathways are covered once again by the white flakes rushing over the surface to the whistling of the wind. The Branches of every tree stand as skeletons weighted down by the snow fall-so beautifully burdened, so elegantly veiled …

The sun is beginning to peek through the fingers of the trees and bushes alike-penetrating through the morning fog and shadows of the buildings around me…As the light kisses the surface, it sparkles in such a captivating way...It holds me, stealing my attention and my thoughts…

My God created this, he created all of it. There are so many dimensions of that which we can’t possibly understand. The arrogance that even I have, to call myself an artist when this-this is what is beautiful… All I can do is copy, recreate and replicate images and representations of this beauty…the thought of imagining something purely original into existence, is so, incomprehensible, so amazingly divine… My savior says to the snow “’Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour,’ So that all men he has made may know his work, he stops every man from his labor.” (Job 37:6-7). The Bible says that “He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes” (Psalm 147:16). That’s such an image…such a mind- boggling concept to me, so incredibly humbling. David pleads to the Lord, “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow” (Psalm 51:7). And God grants this-Isaiah 1:18 says, “though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though you are red like crimson, they shall be like wool.”

We are forgiven. Though crimson tides may was over us; we are forgiven. Though we get lost in ourselves and doubt our creator, even daily, we are still so dearly loved! Forgiveness and compassion like no man could wrap his mind around-this is what my Father in heaven offers me, what he offers you…

I trudge through this snow, sometime even over the edges of the tops of my boots-everything is smooth, faults in the ground are covered and invisible from where I stand…So pure, so white, so untouched and crisp-This to my bewilderment, is how my savior sees me, this is how he sees you… Praise the Lord..

1/4/11

Alright, so I know it's not summer and technically this is a summer recipe...but it's phenomenal and I couldn't wait 'till then to share it :) This homemade BBQ sauce has me entertaining ideas of making it in bulk and never buying pre-made again, its heavenly! Enjoy!

Barbecued ChickenServes 4 | Prep Time: 20 Min. | Total Time: 30 Min

1 tsp Hot sauce

1/3 cup of Cider Vinegar

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1/4 cup molasses

3 tablespoons Dijon mustard

3 Garlic cloves, minced

1/2 cup ketchup

1 Cut up chicken (3 pounds)

1 TBS vegetable oil, plus more for grates

Course Salt, and Fresh ground pepper

1 Heat a grill to medium. Simmer the hot sauce, vinegar, brown sugar, molasses, mustard, garlic, and ketchup in a small saucepan over medium heat until reduced to about 1 1/4 cups, 5 to 7 minutes.

2 In a large bowl, toss the chicken with the vegetable oil; season well with salt and pepper.

3 Lightly oil the grates; place the chicken on the grill. Cover the grill; cook, turning frequently, until the chicken registers 165°F (160°F for the breast) on an instant-read thermometer, 10 to 15 minutes. Uncover the grill; continue cooking, basting frequently with the sauce, until the chicken is glazed thoroughly, 3 to 4 minutes more. Serve with remaining Sauce.