Wednesday, June 27, 2012

How To Piss Off Crippie

Ohai!

This isn't a giant cripple rant post! I'm just answering a cripple question... I SWEAR!

Before I get to the cripple question, I must make a tiny confession. Today (yesterday, whatever) I was going to go to the animal shelter and adopt the walking wig that is Meatloaf, but alas... he found a home on Saturday. Congrats to Meatloaf's new owners... let's hope he gets a nice hair trim. Crippie will continue to check Petfinder and Craigslist for piggies. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll find a piggie to add to my herd. Just a quick tip for people searching Craigslist for piggies... be wary of people selling baby pigs, they could very well be "back-door breeders". These guys know little about pig genetics and you could very easily wind up with a very sick little pig. Not to mention the whole breeding is insanely dangerous for the mommy and the babies thing.

Moving on, since posting some of my infamous "STOP COMPLAINING" cripple rants I've been asked "Apart from your oh so subtle hatred of complaining, do normals do anything else to grind your gears?"

Well, the complaining thing is without a doubt my top pet peeve. I find it absolutely infuriating at times. Crippie does have some other pet peeves that annoy the hell out of me. Again, these peeves annoy me... they don't make me really angry or anything, they just piss me off.

This Is Just God's Way Of _______________

Sorry if this offends anyone, but when anyone tells me that my disability is part of God's plan for me, or God's way of teaching me something I get annoyed. The concept of God wanting me suffer seems so cruel. I can't imagine a loving God willingly doing that to a person. I hate this approach to disability in general. There is no reason for people to be disabled... it just happens. Crippie can however recognize that people are entitled to their own religious opinions. Whenever someone tells me this I usually just keep my mouth shut and brush it off.

OMG YOU'RE SO LUCKY!!!!

There are perks to being a cripple, and these perks are nice to have (handicapped parking, etc.) But when a Normal tells me that I'm lucky for having these perks I get angry. When I was in school so many people would tell me how lucky I was that I didn't have to go to gym class. Crippie wanted to say "Don't you know how lucky you are that you CAN go to gym class?!?!?!". People don't realize that while cripples do have the occasional benefit we pay a heavy price for them. I would much rather be a normal without the perks than be a cripple with the perks.

Stop Being Lazy!

Crippie has chronic fatigue, so I get very tired very easily. I hate when people call me lazy for one reason or another. CRIPPIE IS NOT LAZY! CRIPPIE IS GENUINELY TIRED!!!

and on an issue unrelated to disability"You know that people eat guinea pigs right?"

OMG STOP, CRIPPIE IS AWARE THAT PEOPLE EAT GUINEA PIGS! You can stop telling me stories about how some dude on the food channel ate a guinea pig, or sending me a video of people picking out their piggie, cooking them, and eating them. First off, people don't technically eat guinea pigs, they eat Cuy, a larger version of guinea pigs. Second, my piggies are my babies, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK OF THEM DEAD! It's not funny. It's not nice. Next time someone jokes about eating one of my pigs because they are wheeking, I'll take that pig out and make them urinate on the offender. Crippie knows how to make them pee on command. I'll do it. Nobody puts my babies in a corner!

That's about it, the piggie one probably annoys me most of all. In other news, Crippie is still trying to go to sleep. I tried playing The Sims last night in order to get me tired... it kinda worked. Tonight I tried blogging... CLEARLY did not work seeing as how it's almost 5 in the morning. Crippie wishes she were more like her babies, they can sleep anywhere at any time.

If I fits, I sleeps

Food Coma snuggles

Crippie's Tippie - If you tell a cripple that they are lucky to have a disability, there is a fair chance that they will beat your senseless with their mobility aid.

3 comments:

Another good post girl. Gasp - I'm horrified that people eat piggies - that's the same as saying they eat cats and dogs. I know that in some cultures they really do, but I don't like to be reminded of it either. Keep those horrifying things to yourselves please - people! (not you Crippie - I appreciate you bringing up the subject to set the record straight.)

"Cuy" is just another word for "guinea pig." Saying it is different is like saying, that technically "beef" isn't the same thing as "cow." I raise rabbits, I eat rabbit. Just because some people do doesn't mean you have to get bitchy. It isn't like we are going to eat YOUR pigs.

Not quite... Cavy is another word for Guinea Pig. Cuy are slightly different. Think of them as piggies on steroids. Cuys are about twice the size of cavies. A vast majority of the "guinea pigs" that are consumed for food purposes are Cuy, mainly because there isn't a whole lot of meat on the average cavy.