Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...

Earthworm Jim Review

He's an annelid with attitude.

Once upon a time, there was a worm, and unbeknownst to our friend The
Worm, intergalactic battles were taking place millions of miles
directly above his wormy little head. A supersuit was the cause of the
all the ruckus, and in the midst of the struggle, the suit was dropped,
fell to the earth, and turned our friend, the everyday worm, into...
(*swell of music*) . . . EARTHWORM JIM (EWJ).

Now, mean people everywhere are
trying to regain the powerful suit with absolutely no regard for our hero's life.
In addition to all this, EWJ has developed a crush on a certain Princess
What's-Her-Name, who is imprisoned by her nasty sister, Queen Slug For a Butt,
with the help of the nefarious villain, Psy-crow. In Earth Worm Jim
1, he battles his way through world after world in search of his fair princess.
Princesses are not known for their fidelity and grace, and Princess What's-Her-Name
is no exception. She is unimpressed by EWJ's meager fortune and slimy skin, and
she refuses him the gratitude he ever-so-desires, but our hero is not thwarted.
He woos the princess with his super strength, his amazing table manners... not
to mention his tiny Elvis collection. Just as Princess What's-Her-Name is about
to succumb to our hero's charms, she is captured by Psy-crow, who is looking for
a quick ride to the top of the food chain by marrying a princess and becoming
a king. In Earth Worm Jim 2, our hero fights the same bad guys on different
worlds.

Earthworm Jim: The Whole Can O' Worms is eloquence in motion. The
graphics are
excellent. Even as baby puppy brains are splattering on the pavement,
one cannot help but sigh at the awesome storm brewing in the
background. It's an amazing game that doesn't take itself too
seriously. The music reflects the heart of the game better than the
dark backgrounds. The soundtrack spans from Irish to classical to
elevator music. It's always bizarre, always entertaining. If
there were a soundtrack, my sister would buy it (and I'd steal it from
her).

But let's get to the heart of the
game, the beauty of Earthworm Jim is it's sense of humor. EWJ runs through planets
of meat, being chased by a salt shaker. He catches falling baby puppies and bounces
them to safety off a giant marshmellow. He launches cows. He dodges angry grandmothers
and lawyers. For heavens sakes, he turns into a blind cave salamander who says
"TENder" whenever he encounters a wriggling worm. It's all a very elaborate, very
funny joke, and I'm buying.

If I was being tortured by some cruel overlord and had only enough
money to buy EWJ 1 or EWJ 2, but not both, I'd...do the honorable thing
and bawl like a baby. How does one choose between falling baby puppies
smashing on the asphalt and bungee jumping with Major Mucus? It's just
too painful. EWJ 2 is probably funnier and prettier, but EWJ 1 sets
the stage elegantly. In EWJ 2, while Jim is not moving, he jogs in
place and just looks ridiculously stupid; I don't know what the
designers were thinking. Also, in EWJ 2, Jim can do more stuff; he is
now equipped with a snot-swing and a batman-esque shield. Luckly for us,
Playmates packed both games together, for the price of one.