7 Retarded Tax Evasion Schemes (People Are Actually Trying)

#3. The "Only Booty is Taxable" Argument

How much income did you earn last year? $20,000? $50,000? $750,000, you coke-dealing scumbag? Well, how would you feel if we said you actually earned no income whatsoever, but only phony "Federal Reserve Notes" that not only aren't gold or silver, but can't even be exchanged for gold and silver? You'd probably wonder why we were expecting to get paid in gold coins like pirates or Mario. Some people would be feeling a whole lot better, though, since without any "income," they certainly can't be expected to pay any "income tax," can they?

Pirates hate tax season.

The Constitution does say "No State shall ... make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts," but this only limits the power of the 50ish states. The part that's actually behind our national currency says "The Congress shall have Power ... To coin Money [and] regulate the Value thereof." (The weird capitalization is in the original; they also dotted their "i"s with smiley faces.)