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Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All The Times She’s Denied Him Sex

Is your wife, lover or girlfriend denying you sex? Not quite sure how to let her know about your need for immediate action? Well this charmer has the answer, and apparently it’s Microsoft Excel.

This man decided to put together a spreadsheet, to inform his wife of how many times she’d denied him sex over 7 weeks, whilst also documenting every excuse she gave him over that period of time. Our favorite of which was “‘I just came back from the gym, I feel gross’ (didn’t shower until next morning)” and “I’m too drunk and ate too much” because… well who can’t relate to that.

He then emailed the document to his wife, who proceeded to upload it onto Reddit (as you do) where it went viral in no time at all.

The wife, (also known by her Reddit pseudonym throwwwwaway29) posted: “My husband sent me an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact” followed by the attached Spreadsheet. She added: “According to his ‘document,’ we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 ‘attempts’ on his part.”

Well, if the figures are to be believed, Mr. throwwwwaway29 may have a little bit of a reason to be disgruntled. That being said, we think that when it comes to upping the passion and getting his wife into bed… the spreadsheet probably isn’t going to help.

So what can we learn from this? 1. After marriage you have an 89% sex failure rate 2. Watching “Friends” is an acceptable reason to bail out of sex 3. Don’t post about your sex life online, unless you want the whole world to see it.

Incidentally, the original post on Reddit seems to have now been locked.

As for the rest of us, we have to hope this little Excel fiasco doesn’t catch on and become the latest trend in getting wives, girlfriends and lovers the country over to drop the “I have a headache” excuse, in fear of being spreadsheet shamed.