But that was before my cat jumped onto my lap, walked back and forth across my lap repeatedly as I tried to read my laptop screen, planted her paws on my chest and head bumped/rubbed my face numerous times, sending cat hair up my nose, laid on the keyboard so that she was in good position to knead and drool in on my upper arm, and then as a parting gesture, got up and rubbed her gums against the edge of the laptop screen, getting cat drool all over it.

Dogs poop outside. Cats leave eviscerated mice by the side of the bed for you to step on when you first get up in the morning. Meanwhile, they pretend to be sleeping on the pillow next to you, just waiting, watching… Sick bastards.

“There are numerous reasons why a loyal dedicated servant of God should use his Bible-trained conscience to arrive at a proper understanding of why cats are not advisable as pets or companions for Christians. Consider, then, the following facts:

It was a common practice in ancient Egypt to worship or idolize cats as ‘gods’. Indeed, after death many cats were mummified, venerated and sacrifices were made to them. As Christians we observe not only the Mosaic Law, but also the ‘necessary things,’ identified by the Apostles at Jerusalem, to include the following edict: ‘(1) Abstain from sacrifices to idols’. We are to ‘guard ourselves from idols’ and ‘worship no other gods’. Such feline influence could lead to idolatry and thereby ‘grieve Jehovah’s Spirit’ with tragic consequences. May we never take for granted Jehovah’s wise and generous counsel brought to you by your spiritual brothers in the pages of this magazine!

The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod’s birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of. Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to associate with animals that are without a doubt of such bad influence, remembering how true are the Bible’s words: ‘Bad associations spoil useful habits’! -1 Cor. 15:33. Some have exposed themselves to possible spiritual contamination in this way. To invite cats in our house is to toy with disaster. Can one deny that the chance exists that the same grave consequences could visit your home that fell upon John? Clearly, God disapproved of this ‘birthday’ party. Should we not then disapprove (without showing any malicious intent, only Godly hatred) of cats the way the scriptures recommend?

Throughout history, particularly in the middle ages and reaching its climax in the Salem Witch trials of the seventeenth century, cats were recognized by the forces of Christendom as familiars and carriers if not direct incarnates of demons. While, in common with most beliefs of the empire of false religion, no evidence has ever been found to support this, the symbolism of cats still remain within the public psyche, and involvement with them reflects poorly on God’s footstools and footstep followers. Many pagan faiths still conclude that black cats bring ill-luck and possess demonic forces, while we have shown that it is, instead, all cats that share these perceived characteristics. Since cats were associated with the devil, could we as faithful and dedicated servants of God therefore contaminate ourselves by exposure to a ‘living symbol’ of satanic incarnation? How would this reflect on God’s name and that of his visible, earthly organization? Would we want to be linked with a symbol of Satan, the ‘god of this beastly system of things’?

…

The demeanor of a cat is seen by many honest-hearted observers as reflecting some supernatural, unnatural proclivity towards malice or evil. And, it is a well-known fact that cats are impossible to tame, teach or raise in the truth. The cat has a rebellious, independent spirit. While the animal itself may be unaware of this tragic condition, it serves only its true master – Satan, the Devil.”

…

I am not sure what is said of dogs in the bible.

So although the question was light-hearted it really is amazing how these conversations can serve as a touchstone for this type of biblical analysis.

So although the question was light-hearted it really is amazing how these conversations can serve as a touchstone for this type of biblical analysis.

I know! It was a common practice in ancient Egypt to offer food to the ‘gods’. Indeed, many Egyptians ate food in order to avoid death. History shows that food was most likely present at Herod’s birthday party where John the Baptist was beheaded. Eating food forces people to pull down their pants in a very un-Christian manner in order to expel the Satan infused feces (Jehovah infused feces smell like airplane glue and roses). Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to be around food. To invite food in our bellies is to toy with disaster.

The Prophet Mohammed (peace be with him) abhorred dogs, as they are unclean. They eat filth, and roll in it, and then try to kiss you right on the lips.

The Blessed Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon his name) once cut the sleeve from his garment that he might not disturb a sleeping cat.

This is why at Abu Ghraib the Accursed Ones set dogs upon the followers of Mohammed, and forced them to murder kittens; to make them unclean and cruel in the eyes of the Great Prophet (may his line be blessed).

Dogs: loyal to a fault, casually brave in a way he puts the bravest human to shame, a genuine member of the family, and a real personality.

Cats: Essentially carnivorous, furry houseplants emitting toxic piss and excrement that leaves any spot of soil contaminated with it a barren dead zone. Creatures that show a level of cruelty, sadism, and indifference to fellow living creatures that it would scandalize Jeffery Dahmer.

Well, for me it all comes down to poop. With dogs, your choices are to follow after and clean up the poop while it’s still warm, or have a yard full of old poop. With cats, they poop in a box and you clean it on your own time, after it has become slightly less disgusting.

Just look at Gus, he’s a doll. Cats suck. Dogs are the best. You’ll never hear about a cat saving its masters from a bear, a Mountain Lion or a burning house but dogs do it all the time. Dogs give unconditional love, cats hate everybody and their boring. Dogs, especially Bulldogs are the most wonderful animals in the World. Cats stink and you have to clean their boxes in the house yuck. I’ve had three Bullys and one Frenchie and I wouldn’t have taken a billion dollars for any of them.

BTW, Dr Moon zou are wrong. There were some cases of cats rescuing people from… dogs! Cats also love people thez live in, do NOT stink (just sniff your dog after walk when it rains, and zou do NOT have to keep their boxes at home. Believe me, I have wonderful dog and brave cat at home.