Top 10 Best Modern Horror Remakes

Just after Scene-Stealers panned Rob Zombie’s “Halloween II” (a nice discussion about the movie is brewing right here, by the way) and since I included two horror movies (one from this list) on a list of Top 10 Pointless Remakes, we have received a passionate plea for respect of the modern horror remake pandemic. Bill Heinen has jumped into the fray, defending these films on his own terms, and has produced this list of the Top 10 Best Modern Horror Remakes. If you have a list you’d like to contribute, email me at eric@scene-stealers.com. Here’s Bill:

Well, here we are right after opening weekend for both “The Final Destination” and “Halloween II” and just before my favorite cinematic time of the year: the Fall, or as I like to call it, “horror season.” After both thriving and then dying in the 80s, only to be resurrected (somewhat, but never to the extent of the 80s) in the mid 90s, slasher films are back, and remakes of some classic slashers are popping up all over the place. (If you’re really into the history of the slasher, I recommend “Going to Pieces,” one of the best horror docs I’ve ever seen.)

In just the past five years, we’ve had three classic horror films – including the father of all slashers – completely overhauled with a sleeker, glossier, and one could easily say, sexier approach. And there are plenty more coming, including a new take on Freddy Krueger as more a pedophile and less a dream-monster in the upcoming “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” and Shannon Elizabeth playing every horror nerd’s favorite party hostess, Angela, in the “Night of the Demons” remake. I’ve been looking into a lot of online rumors about horror remakes that are yet to come, including Raimi’s absolutely fantastic cult classic “The Evil Dead,” to a new, improved Chucky in a “Child’s Play” remake. And, like me, most horror fans are somewhat irritated, hoping producers shouldn’t tread on films that are far from perfect, and yet perfect in their own ridiculous ways.

I personally am a huge fan of cheesy 80s horror films – you know, the ones with zero plot, fake-looking blood all over the screen, a lot of barely-clad coeds, and someone with a vendetta, a power-saw, a screwdriver, a drill, and of course, the ol’ standby, a nice big knife. That said, because I’m such a fan of these films, and by no means a tenured film critic, I have to give Hollywood some credit for at least making some interesting remakes that may not do the original film justice, but are a bloody good time in their own right. So, because we have plenty more to look forward to (or dread, depending on where you stand when it comes to these movies), here’s a list of my top 10 horror remakes thus far. Final Note: I am not going to dive into the plots of most of these, just my reasons for thinking they are decent remakes. Enjoy, and bring on the comments.

10. Shutter (2008)

Yes, Joshua Jackson is in a horror film. Yes, it is a remake of a Japanese horror flick, and many horror connoisseurs claim that Japanese horror is the best horror. I am definitely not one of them. And yes, this movie has some wonderfully creepy moments. One thing I loved about this very underrated movie is that the ghost isn’t grotesquely scary, i.e. “The Ring” or “The Grudge”; faces don’t get morphed into frozen expressions of sheer terror. The film is a little more subtle than that. Instead, we get (pardon the expression) snapshots of a supernatural nature. In the vein of films such as “Stir of Echoes” and “What Lies Beneath,” our photo-friendly ghost leaves clues for Jackson’s wife, helping her discover an ugly truth about her husband’s past. It is kind of predictable, but the moments of discovery in this film are actually unsettling, culminating in Jackson’s realization at the end that the source of his neck pain is more than just a bad mattress. I could watch that scene again and again. Not a great film, but good enough to hit number 10 on the list.

9. Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Just so we’re clear, I am talking about the remake directed by Tom Savini (the makeup and effects god of horror/slasher cinema), not the horribly crappy 3D version that should have never, ever been made. Savini knows horror; he’s had a hand in tons of slashers since the original “Friday the 13th,” and he understands what this kind of audience wants: blood, and lots of it. There are plenty of heads lopped off, limbs scattered and flung around, and, of course, zombies ravenously eating the living. Barbara isn’t a neurotic nut-job like she is in Romero’s classic; instead, she’s blowing away zombies left and right, taking charge of the situation and calling out orders like a platoon sergeant. While I think the original is probably one of the best horror films ever made, Savini had fun with this and it shows.

8. Quarantine (2008)

This one is actually closest to its source material, the Spanish film “[Rec].” If you haven’t seen the original, check it out. Even with subtitles, it’s fantastic. I saw this movie in a huge theatre and made the mistake of sitting in the front row. I can handle rollercoasters just fine, and this film, at that vantage point, made me dizzy as hell. When I rented it and watched it from the comfort of my couch, I realized it really is pretty dizzying regardless. But so is the original. Like “28 Days Later,” one of the best zombie films ever made (and completely redefined the genre, but that is for another discussion), this movie deals with an infection that rapidly spreads and immediately changes one’s nature as opposed to having the dead rise from their graves in search of tasty flesh. A fair amount of violence and gore, a LOT of jump scares (which I still think are the best kind), and plenty of terrifying night-vision episodes of cat-and-mouse, hunter-and-the-hunted sort of thing. I liked it a lot more than I expected to, so it makes the cut at number 8.

7. Last House on the Left (2009)

OK, so the original somehow, and I have no idea how, seemed so much more tame after viewing this remake. Probably because it was filmed in 1972 and there were a lot of barriers that Wes Craven couldn’t cross, as groundbreaking as it was. I can barely stand to watch rape onscreen, and LHOTL’s unrated version had a pretty long rape, the worst part being that instead of explicitly showing the event, we hear it, we see the sweat and dirt on the victim’s forehead and chin, her knuckles fruitlessly grasping at leaves, and the rapist’s son watching with a blend of horror, guilt, and the calm of a Zen monk. You can feel this scene, and it’s gut-wrenching. I don’t want to sound like a sadist here, but watching the murders of the rapist’s friends later is actually a lot of fun, his brother’s death being my favorite (a bottle of wine and a hammer in the head, plus a few fingers in the kitchen sink? awesome. fucking awesome). Yes, the ending is lame (and by that I mean the going off into the sunrise and ‘everything’s gonna be ok’ part, NOT the microwaved face, which was great), but it works overall.

6. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I really don’t need to justify this being number 6 on the list, I just need to say two words: zombie baby. That’s right, a fuckin’ screaming, shitting, flesh-eating zombie baby. This movie didn’t have the sociological commentary like the original (claiming consumers are much like zombies, people in death do what they did in life, as in shop compulsively without knowing why, etc.), but what it did have was a lot of action. And I mean a LOT. The movie starts with a bang, probably one of my favorite horror intros ever, and only lets up a few times when everyone is in the mall doing somewhat “human” things. The escape from the mall in the armored truck with chainsaws taking out body parts all over the place was pretty great too. And Sarah Polley is not too hard to look at, especially when she’s kicking undead ass.

5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Leatherface is one of the most mysterious horror icons. He apparently is the product of a bunch of ass-backward inbred butchers who decided a while back to stay in a deserted Texas town and murder and eat anyone unlucky enough to stumble across their way. Still, it’s never explained what prompts this individual to wear other people’s faces or hunt them down with a chainsaw – a very heavy, not-too-pragmatic murder weapon. The remake came out 29 years after the original, and while the first had plenty of scary, shocking moments, this one beats it with more violence, more gore, and waaaayyyy more cruelty. Slamming a bag of salt on an amputated leg while hanging him on a meathook … ouch. The movie had a lot of chases, with Jessica Biel having to run and fight with all she has. By the end, after the ordeal she’s had, after seeing her boyfriend’s peeled face hanging off his killer’s head, after killing her friend to ease his pain, it’s actually somewhat believable that she becomes such a badass and kills the fuck out of the sheriff. This is truly one of those very rare horror remakes that I ended up liking more than the original.

4. My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

This remake is a LOT of fun, and it is, without a doubt, the best 3D horror film ever made. Not like that’s saying a ton, but it’s something. Just like the original, the town thinks Harry Warden is dead and gone, and then the murders start up all over again. And in both films, the killer isn’t Harry at all (well, in the beginning of both films it is, but not at the conclusion). So the remake kept that part of the original … and that’s about it. The deaths in the original were more left up to the viewer’s imagination, whereas in the remake, through 3D lenses, we get to view eyeballs popping out, guts being strewn all over porches, and pickaxes flying towards us. It’s violent as all hell, it’s reckless and gory, and it’s basically a lot of running and killing. My kind of movie.

3. Halloween II (2009)

I am not pleased with two things in this movie, so I’m gonna list those first:

1. The first scene. It really doesn’t set the stage well. It showcases some bad acting from Sheri Moon Zombie, and the young Michael isn’t as evil-looking as Daeg from Zombie’s “Halloween.”

2. The mother/son Freudian thing and the Jungian/archetype thing with the white horse. Just didn’t work for me one bit. I thought it was pretty much a waste of time, though I guess it somewhat explained Myers’ purpose.

OK, that being said, I loved this movie. Now, I am biased, as I think Rob Zombie is the best horror director out there today, but it was fucking fantastic. As with his first “Halloween,” you really feel the force of Myers’ stabs, and it’s impressive and scary just how strong and powerful he is. Somehow, Zombie makes it hurt to watch, and it is graphic, but only for glimpses and seconds at a time. The original “Halloween II” (1981) took place entirely in a dimly-lit hospital with Jamie Lee Curtis basically hiding the entire time. It was somewhat scary, but not nearly as much as the first film. Though the hospital scene in Zombie’s is about 10 minutes long, it is by far scarier and more realistic than original director Rick Rosenthal’s. When she is stuck in the guard’s booth in the rainy dead of the night and Michael is slashing away at the walls, it’s hard not to feel how helpless Laurie really is. Annie’s death scene may be one of the most tragically sad and horrific scenes in the series, and her murder isn’t even completely shown onscreen. Laurie’s transformation from all-American good girl to understanding her true roots (“Angel O Myers”) is fairly devastating and uncomfortable, and you feel more empathy for her than any other Zombie character, in my opinion. Finally, this film will piss off a LOT of horror fans, or fans of Rob Zombie; it’s not simply a slasher movie, it’s a very artistic/archetypal/symbolic version of a slasher movie. That being said, I thought it was done in a beautifully horrific manner, with some shots that are hauntingly pulchritudinous.

2. Friday the 13th (2009)

OK, I might get some shit for the final two on my list, but I don’t care. There are plenty of reasons why I feel this remake was fantastic, and I’ll start with what my favorite kinds of horror films are all about: lots of breasts, lots of deaths. This movie was not only a damn good rehash of Crystal Lake massacres, it was basically a 90-minute homage to past films of the series. Instead of Jason’s mother being the killer throughout the entire movie, we see her for about a minute during the opening credits … and then we see her lose her head. I’ve talked to tons of my horror-nerd friends and we all agree that Jason is the centerpiece of the “Friday the 13th” world, not his mother, and we get both versions of Jason: potato-sack Jason, and of course, hockey-mask Jason. I’d say about half of the deaths in this film, while creative in their own right, definitely borrowed from previous films, which really excited me. Throughout my first viewing I kept thinking about how he jumped through the glass in part 5, how he used a bow and arrow (well, a harpoon really) in part 3, how he used a sleeping bag to kill someone in part 6, etc. It really was a lot of fun, and that’s what this franchise really is all about. Well, fun and buckets of blood, I suppose, but Glenn Danzig put it best when he was singing for Samhain as he chanted, “All murder, all guts, all fun.” Another thing I loved about this remake was that Jason was presented more as a highly-skilled hunter defending his land, and he defends it with a brutal force. Hell of a flick.

1. Halloween (2007)

I’m going to begin my explanation for our number one on the list by telling you all what my good friend and fellow horror guru (he actually knows WAY more about horror films than I) Kevin said after we left the theatre: “I’ve seen a lot of horror movies, and most of them in theatres, and I have never felt the way I feel right now after a movie. I have never seen something like that on screen.” And I couldn’t agree more. Rob Zombie gives us a brilliant retelling of not only the events in Carpenter’s classic boogeyman feature, but he allows us to understand that Michael Myers’ homicidal tendencies are not the result of a pagan curse or astrological anomalies (see “Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers”), it simply stems from an intensely fucked-up childhood. Malcolm McDowell was a genius choice for Dr. Loomis, played originally by the great Donald Pleasance, and he was a drawing point for many people that may not have gone to see this movie for any other reason. The movie is completely unapologetic, it is brutally in-your-face, and it doesn’t let up. At all. From young Myers beating a fellow classmate to death with a large stick to adult Myers chasing his sister through a decrepit, abandoned home, tearing up floorboards and constantly slashing inches behind her, this movie is incredibly intense. Of all the horror franchises, the “Halloween” films are my favorite. Something about Michael Myers is less hokey than Jason, less comical and silly than Freddy Krueger; he’s just evil incarnate, and he doesn’t even show a passion for killing. He simply kills. Zombie may not have used too much suspense or tension or cat-and-mouse tactics that made the original such a joy to watch, but he makes up for it with a sadistic intensity that I don’t believe any remake so far has matched.

Sorry to rain on the parade, but this is probably the worst top 10 “topic” I have read to date. Not (perhaps) because it wasn’t well written….I think it was…..it’s just the title itself for the top 10 is such a waste. These modern horror remakes are never good. Having a top ten to celebrat them is like asking which ten pieces of crap look the best in a dog park.
If a person writting a top 10 has to begin each one by defending his choice instead of explaining it then you probably know the list premise reaks……much like the movies themselves.

I could go on but it is 6:22 am and my mind is just beginning to function.

Although I don’t agree that any of the films on the list are fantastic (I would personally say most are mediocre at best), I admire the fact that you actually sat through and watched all these films and attempted to make a top 10 list devoted to recent horror films (remakes nonetheless!). Anyway, what about David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” or the remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”…those were great remakes!!!

I agree that The Fly was an excellent remake; who can ever forget Goldblum pleading his “heeeeellllppp meeee” in that raspy voice. I suppose I was just focusing on more recent remakes. As to Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I didn’t care for either Body Snatchers in the 90s or The Invasion more recently. That’s just me, though. Trust me, I guarantee that movie will be remade every decade; the story is just too good and works on many levels. Maybe we’ll see a really excellent one soon!

Exactly! It’s like trying to polish up a piece on lint stained crap. It doesn’t make sense………It’s frustrating that we have came to this point in cinema, we are now in the business of rehasing every movie, book, televison, show, video game, you name it!

I can appreciate the fact you used a Danzig quote into your top ten, so points for that. And, I’m going to agree with “Night of the Living Dead”, “Quarantine”, “Day of the Dead”, “and “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. But I personally think Rob Zombie hasn’t done anything worth me paying attention to since White Zombie. You may has well put Devils Rejects as a remake in that case, seeing as how i felt it was a ripoff of most classic slashers (mostly The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Friday the 13th was meh.

What is bothersome is that horror creators are dumbing down their product. As stated on the review of Halloween II, a problem with many movies made is that they are filled with d-bags, tools, and generally people you sorta wish would die.

What makes villans like the Joker, or Anton in No Country for Old Men, or whoever is the fact that no one is left out of the equation when it comes to murder. To watch someone who is persumed innocent and on the surface a good person gruseomly murdered is what is terryfing, not unfiltered violence brought about for it’s own end, which is what a lot of these movies listed above are filled with.

Already a big mistake. Shutter is NOT a Japanese movie, it is actually a THAI movie. Can you really miss that big a detail? Sure, it probably isn’t a big deal to anyone else, but really now. Not all Asian horror movies are Japanese, you know.

Wow guys, cut Bill some slack, huh? I would assume he realizes that most (if not all) of these movies can’t be compared to their predecessors, and that most of them (if not all) are pretty much crap in comparison to our much-loved horror classics. But, ya know, sometimes (especially as a horror fan) you have to take what you can get and look on the bright side. Sure, there are always some diamonds in the rough out there – on a weekly basis I sift through our local movie rental store’s Horror sections, picking up anything that looks like it *might* be borderline watchable. Sometimes I score, most of the time I laugh, and sometimes I just have to resign and turn it off. Many of the best horror films being made right now don’t have the marketing or distribution to even put them on the radar, so it’s a constant scavenger hunt. The horror movies that do get the backing right now are, obviously, remakes that typically amp up the gore and effects and not much else. A few could be called “reimaginings”, but most can hardly even be called remakes (or decent movies, for that matter).

Anyway, I have or will see most of the movies on this list (and many more that probably aren’t even good enough to make this list), because the way I see it (and maybe Bill does, too), it’s worth a shot. Maybe holding “…zero plot, fake-looking blood all over the screen, a lot of barely-clad coeds, and someone with a vendetta, a power-saw, a screwdriver, a drill, and of course, the ol’ standby, a nice big knife…” as your criteria for a good horror movie isn’t the most philosophical or academic approach to film criticism, but for some folks those elements can make for a pretty good time.

That said, I have to agree with some detractors on this post, as well as the Halloween II post, that supporting these movies at the box office just encourages studios to continue churning out half-assed rehashes, rather than putting the backing behind something with less instant name recognition, but much more value.

Thanks for the criticisms and nice words, alike. I really am surprised I missed the Shutter coming from a thai film; totally forgot that and my brain was kinda bent on japanese horror, as i sat through the grudge, ringu, uninvited (which almost made the list), and totally missed that mistake; sorry about that.
Really though, I watch a LOT of horror films, and I realize that by and large, they will never be respected. I mean, you can count horror movies that critics and audiences both responded well to on both hands, and that is about it; even a lot of the classics weren’t loved in their time. it was only after gaining cult status that they received praise and attention. and while i don’t go to a horror movie expecting oscar-caliber performances, i usually just want to have fun and watch some crazy chasing and killing. Like the above post said, they are usually quite funny and i am rarely scared anymore but i will always have a special place in my heart for these films.

Let the Right One In was great! I’d have to say, the only horror films in recent memory that have legitimately scared me are The Strangers and High Tension. Yep, most are good for a laugh, a couple of good jump-scares, and some sweet gore – all of which are satisfying to me, more or less.

Just rented and watched The Unborn. Not a remake, but has some similar themes to Rosemary’s Baby and First Born, and it was actually pretty fuckin good; one of the best excorcism scenes in recent memory.

First off, all of the movies on this list were pieces of horse crap, and second, The Unborn WAS a remake. It was a remake of the Japanese film Unborn, But Not Forgotten. Yeah, that film list was simply terrible.

You guys are being way too hard on these films. Hollywood has been remaking films for the last 50 years, only before they were smart enough to change the titles. Some of these remakes were actually pretty good, i.e.. Dawn of the Dead. It had a great opening, perfect middle and killer ending. Lamest part was the still birth, but all these movies have their bad parts so you just have to deal with it. Texas Chainsaw had Jessica Biel in it, so what are you complaining about?
Friday the 13th did it right. They covered the only ones that mattered 1,2 and 3 (really only 1 and 2 mattered, but 3 had the mask.) Did it in 1 film so we don’t have to deal with sequels, and it was pretty entertaining. At least for me, but I went to a showing at Mann Chinese; pounding beers with my brother and girlfriend, laughing our asses off. If you are looking for art, you’ve come to the wrong place.
The Halloween remake sucked. There was absolutely zero suspense in the whole movie, and that was what made Carpenter’s film so good. It actually scared the hell out of you. Something that these talentless hacks never knew how to do, Yes I am talking to you Rob Zombie.

Sean Cunningham was a porn director before he made Friday the 13th in ’79 (I know it was released in ’80) but at least he could make a scary movie. All this brings me to………

How do you grade a scary movie? Let me start off by telling you what you a already know; “Most Horror films generally suck.” And that is what makes the good ones so fucking good. But this is what kills me. Instead of getting original with us, these lazy sacks of shit are taking something that we hold dear to our hearts, and giving us a shittier version of it. Basically a cash grab directed at our nostalgia. And we always bite, because we are starved for a great horror film.

Getting back to what makes a horror film great. We sift through all the crap, because we know that in every horror movie, even the shitty ones, there will be one scene. One really good scene, that makes us yell, laugh or clap at the screen; and we can take that scene away with us from the movie. And a year later, at a cocktail party, someone will make a reference to that scene in polite conversation, we will all have a laugh. That makes the movie an OK horror flick.

0 of those scenes, waste of time. Yes Halloween remake, it comes back to you.
Now seeing how I grade, if the movie has 1 of those scenes it’s bad, but at least there’s something
2 or 3 scenes and we have ourselves a decent movie
4 or 5 you got yourself a film
6 or more equals franchise. Instant classic.

Throw in some tits……. Oscar material.

Good ones:
John Carpenter’s The Thing at least 6 great scenes
Invasion of the Body Snatchers Sutherland’s version; it had suspense and made you think, what a concept
Cronenberg’s The Fly; 5 or 6 scenes; even though we had to suffer through Geena Davis’ teeth
My Bloody Valentine all though I hold the original close; the eye popping out was one of those scenes; 3 or 4 scenes
The Wicker Man; check out the alternate ending………brutal scene

Wow, it’s the whole dub vs. sub debate all over again. People can’t seem to comprehend that there ARE people out there who would rather watch a remake than an “older” film. I’d pick a remake any day, and I don’t know why that upsets so many people. I’ve seen plenty of originals, and I still pick the remakes.

All in all, great list! I only wish people wouldn’t get so upset over these things. :\

Wasn’t “My Bloody Valentine 3D” the first (currently only) horror film to be shot in 3D? If that’s true, you may want to revise your description that makes it sound better than all others that don’t exist.

So far I haven’t seen one great horror remake in recent memory. If you want to see a great horror film now days, rent french controversial horror films: “Martyr’s” or “Inside” or “Frontier(s).” None of the above remakes were necessary or even good IMO. The Jason one had potential until it tossed in a bunch of annoying characters that, save the guy at the end, distracted the film more than complimented it. Quarantine nearly copied every shot and scene from REC. I’m starting to realize that its a waste of money and time to see the remakes being fans of the originals because they generally feel more rehashed and contrived than re-imagining or visionary in the sense of how Christopher Nolan recreated “The Dark Knight” (for instance). I heard Shutter was terrible by so many people that I didn’t see it. Dawn of the Dead (remake) was okay, great opening at least. I was disappointed by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), cutting off Leather Face’s arm? The whole film felt Hollywood. The original was so much more intense, raw, organic (natural) feeling. And the Rob Zombie Halloween films IMO are terrible. I think the problem with many remakes now days is that the studios figure they’ll profit on name recognition alone. Thus leaving the imagination and passion (in the dust) that made the originals so great to begin with.

Dude, you are obviously smoking crack. Rob Zombie’s Halloween travesties, and Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine, as the top four?! How do you sleep at night? Okay, so you’ve included Quarantine and Dawn of the Dead, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a guilty pleasure, but man, you possess a woefully delusional taste in horror. Come over to my site – http://www.horrorphile.net – for a taste of my own Darkness.

#1. 28 days later is not a zombie film…ther are not dead just infected…they dont eat people just kill them.

#2. rob zombies halloween movies are absolutely terrible. he ruined what made the originals so scary. i do think hes a good drector and enjoy house of 100 corpses and devils rejects. i bought a copy of his first halloween just to pee on it. the hills have eyes should have been on the list.