growing in the goo

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Beginning

So I'm calling this "growing in the goo" because that's how I felt when I graduated from CUA...I felt as though I was suspended in this amorphous goo, with choices floating above, below and to the left and right of me. I could choose my fate, or it would choose me, when I floated to that choice. And these choices that I make are going to mold me and how I live my life. I'm not just suspended in this goo, I'm learning and changing and maturing and living.

I think I thought this genius concept up during physics. No wonder.

When I was writing the title, I accidentally wrote "growing in the good" - and I thought that was an interesting slip, and revealed to me what I'm going to shoot for. I have these moments when I say something that I regret, or I realize that I'm being selfish or self-centered, or insecure...and it's not living in the good. It's giving in to my lesser self, the annoying one. And I have to start taking a step back, and relaxing and thinking before I speak. I used to be timid, and allowed people to say things without me visibly taking offense. I was calm. Now, if someone says something that I find ignorant, or annoying or intentionally hurtful, I jump the gun and speak what I'm thinking. That's not always the bright move. In fact, it can be ignorant as well and demonstrates a lack of control on my part. Sometimes, it's not worth starting a fight or opening up old wounds.

It's important to strive to be the best person you can be. I haven't always done this, but it's time that I do.

Right now I'm waiting to hear from a job that I interviewed for in D.C. It's not really the perfect job, but it seems like it would be a good starting opportunity. My whole task would be to proofread scientific articles. Now, I'm not good at science, but I find it very interesting. And amusing. And what better way to expand the mind than to work at something that you're not good at? I'm hoping that if they offer me the job, I'll get more than the "minimum amount" that they said they would dive towards. It's neat though, because the office is right in Metro Center, my would-be boss appears to be super nice, and the dress code is casual. CASUAL!

Working in D.C. is one of the choices in the goo. I didn't know if I wanted to stay in Boston, or come back down to D.C., or go someplace else. After a lot of thought, I've decided on D.C. I love home - not necessarily Boston - but home. My immediate family is great, as are my cousins, aunts, uncles etc. But I know I want to try living on my own somewhere, and now's as good as any to give it a go. No real bills, no husband, no kids, no job, no properties, no pets are tying me to one location.

Things I want to do. And soon.

- take scuba diving lessons- take ballroom dancing lessons- get re-certified in CPR and first aid- write one short story a month- brush up on my french