~ This is all me, laid bare. Journeys of the inner road, stumbling, falling, and getting up again and again. Live, laugh, cry, hurt, be unabashedly human. You're already beautiful.

Lesson in Love

One of the greatest lessons you’ve brought me is that: we can’t control anything. The tighter we cling onto something and want to shape it to the way we idealize it, the more it slips away, the more it fades away, the more it runs away. Total release of control, total release of our own mind images of how things should look like, of how things should be like and how things should feel like, must all be released. Because if we don’t, then we won’t be able to stay open to what IS HAPPENING right now. We will be rejecting it on some level. And it will create suffering. We will attempt to claw at it to make it go the way it’s “supposed to be”. And we would try to romanticize and idealize and make things between us seem more beautiful that what it really is. If they key doesn’t fit the lock, there’s no amount of force of angling that can make it fit. They key and lock must part because they were never ultimately meant to stay together for a long time. What happens when they key keeps trying to fit? Friction. Tearing. Disintegration. Damage. Both sides are dying, getting hurt.

Releasing all of it and admitting that we do not have any control over what is happening is the only total freedom. When things are happening, would we wish it were another way, yes of course. But we cant stay blind to the fact that we can’t make the key fit. The key and lock could be moulded and reforged but both needs to meet halfway. Anything short of that will make it impossible. And theres no point in trying to understand why. Because understanding why isn’t going to change what the lock wants, what the key wants. Let the lock be lock, let the key be key. Both has not diminished in worth. Both need to look elsewhere for the real source of what they need.

No amount of your partner’s love can ever suffice and heal and mend this perceived hole if we do not love ourselves enough. We will keep seeking each other’s love in disguise and illusion that the other’s love can fill this perceived void inside. But no matter how much is given and taken, it’s never enough. And we will keep grasping. We will keep searching for it. And more friction will occur. Arguments, quarrels and exhaustion will occur. If we want the key and lock to fit, key needs to be fully key and lock needs to be fully lock. Self-love is the foundation and base. Self-love needs to be there. We need to stay in the ultimate, deepest center of truth, love and soul and only then, meet each other at required points. Otherwise, if we don’t come from this, especially this self-love, everything will be shaky. The very foundation will be shaky. Chairs will have no legs. We will keep falling and creating more suffering for each other. Most importantly, we need to understand self-love, we need to love ourselves fully and that means honouring ourselves and doing everything required to maintain us in that space, in that room inside ourselves. We need to be conscious about why we’re doing what we’re doing. We need to first know our purpose in every word and action, not just to each other but to ourselves the truth underlying our actions. Just because we don’t meet each other in the way we like does not mean that we’re not meeting each other at all and neither does it mean we’re not worth being met. Whatever purpose we’re meant for, once it is served and fulfilled, we let go. We let go with a full heart, with only love and blessings. And we’re off to the next journey.

Initially your heart will burn, will claw, will twist and turn. Your heart will bleed and be torn asunder. It will pound and beat itself. But you stay with it. You don’t look away. Scream if you have to. Dance like a madman if you have to. Cry if you have to. But stay, stay, stay with it. You breathe deep as you stay with all of that pain and agony. You keep staying in love itself. You keep loving through it all. You keep loving, loving and loving. And in the next moment, before you know it, it will be better. In the next moment it will go away. In the next moment you’ll be okay. In the next moment you’ll be released. In the next moment you’ll be free. In this next moment, you’ll be love. I promise.