Ah, Sucker Punch. Where to start from? Well, I’m pretty sure most everyone who watches movies at theaters or at least keeps up with movie news online heard about Sucker Punch – a movie with beautiful fight scenes of beautiful, scantily clad girls kicking the ass of random chunky big guys. (Okay, there is more plot, but it pretty much doesn’t make much of a difference whether you know it or not. And, all these girls live in a brothel and are trying to get out.) Sounds like an instant must see for guys appreciating hot girls and something that girls can’t argue with because of the whole girls kick ass, girls are strong too thing, right? Well, we are not even going to touch on those issues, because they’re not the problem of the movie whatsoever.

On stage

The real problem is that director, Zack Snyder, whose background definitely lies in pretty fights, has constructed a movie that has absoulutely no excitement, no anticipation, no nothing. It is purely, a bunch of seemingly plastic figures kicking each other around in midair. It sounds hard to believe that someone could make a multi-million dollar fight scene between a girl in a miniskirt flashing her panties every other moment and a giant samurai with a cleaver twice the size of the girl boring, but believe me, Snyder has done it. Each fight scene is a tired debacle of flashy movies culled from every other successful action movie out there – the girls get pummeled around by the baddies every now and then and stand up without even a single sign of damage. Of course, no one wants to see hot girls in miniskirts getting beat up, but the lack of any reprocussion whatsoever on the girls definitely saps the excitement out of each fight. The audience already knows the girls are going to win, and when they don’t, Snyder tacks on buckets of tears and philosophical meanderings that make no sense and have no place in the film in a sorry attempt to pretty much force the audience to think the movie has some sort of depth.

bambambambam

And finally, despite the so-called plot twists, the end of the movie seals it all up – Snyder pretty much has no plot, and it seems as if he didn’t even have time to consider how the movie should end what with all the time it must have taken to write up a few lines of philosophical bs. Yes, the girls are… pretty hot. Well, this writer honestly thinks that only three of the five main girls are hot, but whether all 5 were mind blowingly sexy or not wouldn’t change the outcome of this movie.

3 out of 5?

Snyder ultimately fails most at where this movie should have, if anywhere, succeeded – the fight scenes. Sure, one could argue that these types of action movies tend to be pretty brainless and so the plot can be forgiven. The hotness of each girl can be debated, sure sure. Maybe someone even got some meaning out of the philosophical self empowerment gibberish that wastes time at the end of the movie. But no one can convince me that the fight scenes are not tired, cliched, and utterly just boring flashes of very fake computer graphic power. Many people draw comparisions between Sucker Punch and anime girls and fight scenes. I think I’d get a lot more entertainment from watching an anime film craft a better, and maybe even more believable fight scene at a fraction of the production price. As a girl who enjoys action movies and appreciates hot, strong leading ladies, I haven’t been this disappointed in a movie in a long, long time.