We love grindhouse movies; we love biker culture; and we certainly love stories about a man in the ’60s changed by war trying to reintegrate into society. As such, Ride to Hell: Retribution seems to be something right up our violent, rugged alley — on paper, at least. In video form, it’s looking pretty terrible and sounding even worse. While many a non-AAA game can be home to a bad voice performance or two, Ride to Hell seems to deal exclusively in hammy acting. The worst is from the narrator at the beginning with the sleeveless jean jacket, shirt and Nazi Officer hat who sounds like an over-the-top villain in a localized Japanese action game. Nobody else, from main characters to bit parts to the damsel in distress fairs any better, seemingly so flat and emotionless that the whole thing almost comes off as a parody.

…wait, is it a parody?

Due out in June 2013, we could excuse it (though still horribly ridicule it) if it were an XBLA/PSN/PC download, but it’s a full-fledged retail game. A fifty dollar retail game. For that many clams, simply corralling whoever was around the Eutechnyx office onto audacity is not going to fly.