Friends

Things have been keeping me really busy in so many ways. I always tell myself that I am going to blog and write on here so much more and then I never do it. I mean, it’s only been a few months (OK – 6 technically), since my last post, but I just haven’t had the drive, until now. The funny thing here is that I’m excited to do a post again and I’m excited to get some of my online life back together.

As many of you may or may not know, I stepped back from just about everything that I did online. This includes all 3rd Party Tools that I developed for system admins, helping communities with some of their server issues and ARMA coding, some smaller online consulting gigs, actively being involved in gaming communities, and being on my PC at all. Since this was a large part of me, it was very difficult to do, but it was necessary while I could focus on me, my illnesses, and my family. The great news there is that we have FINALLY made SIGNIFICANT progress on that front. No thanks to any doctors, or any medicines, I might add.

The details there are that Lynn came across a blog that talked about some of the more adverse side effects of certain overgrowths, allergies, or side effects of eating things you have a sensitivity to and these symptoms were/are quite severe. These things include, but are not limited to nausea, vomiting, bloating, weakness, exhaustion, lethargy, migraines, weight gain, and so much more. Man, that list sounds a lot like depression….. Of course, there is no simple scientific test to check for these things (every test that I ever get done is perfect and I never have anything “wrong”). The only way to test is to go on a diet that targets the removal of this stuff from your system. The short version of this is that I have to eat all natural, organic and sugar-free products. No sugar (and no artificial sweeteners of any kind, even). This has HEAVILY limited what I am allowed to consume and has made my diet a pain to deal with, but the results have been absolutely astounding. I’m really at a loss for words for how well it has worked. The positives of this strict diet so far:

I have more energy than I have had in years on a daily basis. I don’t have this NEED to take a nap every day. In fact, I couldn’t if I wanted to.

I am much more motivated to get things done and get things accomplished. This is something that always drove me crazy. I LOVED working on stuff and getting things done before.

I enjoy time with my kids and family more than I have in the last 5+ years.

I have my sense of humor back. Lynn says that I am the “old me”. I joke around. I have fun. The simple things.

I want to have fun again. Playing games, hanging with friends (virtually for the most part), and just general enjoyment of activities.

I went from 9 regular prescriptions to 0. That’s right. ZERO prescriptions. This includes medicines for stomach issues, anxiety, and depression. Cut them all.

I no longer lean on vitamins just to make it through the day to day.

I have lost 40 pounds and counting.

I FEEL GREAT!

Now, how much of this is the diet, the subtraction of the medicines, the loss of weight, or any other life change that I made? Who knows? All I know is that things are trending overwhelmingly positive in so many ways right now and I feel truly blessed for that. That’s not to say that we still aren’t fighting issues. For example, my PTSD is still preventing me from traveling (and thus, getting a good long term job that isn’t local), and it seems like that it’s actually getting worse with time, but I’ll take that over the rest any day. We are working with some therapy and will possibly dabble with some medicines for the anxiety only, but I will not find myself in a position again that I was before. It’s a good feeling. I have even begun to work on my projects that I was doing in my spare time (Paronicon and ARMACon for those on that side of my life).

I’ve been looking for some stable remote work but haven’t had too much luck. I still have my part-time job to keep me out of my house (which I still think has been a great help to my mental state). I have some good online contacts that have been trying to help me the best they can by sending some work my way, which I truly appreciate. Consulting is still something that I’m doing, but the jobs are few and far between right now. Just need to find the right match for me. I have faith that it will happen, just not there yet.

I feel like the Lord has finally been able to put me down for the first time in a while. For context, you should read “Footprints”:

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

This poem was one of my Grandmothers favorite things. She had many trinkets and plaques that recited it in several rooms in her house. I think it’s important to realize that you aren’t alone when things are rough. Whether you want that trust to be in religion, friends, family, or just random strangers, it is there and at your disposal. I’ll tell you what, If you need help getting through, let me know. 🙂

I think that about does it for now. Feel free to reach out to me if you want to chat. I’ll be around. Look forward to continuing this road of success.