PATTI TUCKER: Today's Lunch Special

Garage Sales Make Me Itchy

Patti is a freelance writer who grew up in San Angelo, still calls Angelo home, but currently lives in San Antonio. You can find her daily on Twitter , "like" her on Facebook , or supplement your weekly serving of silliness over at her website .

Hi, I'm Patti and garage sales make me itchy.

Hi Patti!

This admission comes at the risk of getting a pro-garage sales pitch from anyone who l-o-v-e-s, lurvs, garage sales, or if you're from a nicer hood, tag sales.

Sister and The German (my mom, for the uninitiated) are solidly in the pro-garage sale camp. I have been tricked into many a sale by both of them. Didn't matter that they offered to buy me something (THE HORROR!) or pointed out my first love, a bin of books, sadly discarded in a cardboard box; it still gave me the heebie-jeebies.

Once, to satisfy Sister at a garage sale, I bought a coconut shell that had been formed to look like a hairy coconut person. It sported one beady red eye rimmed with glasses, a mouth stuffed with a pipe, and an untrimmed goatee among other things. The joke backfired, because once home, it freaked me out so much, just watching me , that I put it in the garage and locked the door behind me. It became a creepy symbol of my garage sale aversion.

Think I'm kidding? Looky:

Cocos sees all…

As a joke of last resort, I ended up sneaking it onto a shelf at Brother #3′s house and waited for him to discover it. He and his family loved it and made it part of their outdoor fun. Cocos now resides somewhere in Angelo, far far away from me.

Yet, I can't seem to escape those who love a sale. Recently, my neighbors had a HUGE garage sale. When the tarps and poles went up, along with the string of fun-time flags, I knew they meant business. We had been invited to join in, as were surrounding neighbors. I pretended to mull it over, but thank goodness I was still recovering from eye-surgery and used it as my opt-out excuse. While I didn't schedule the surgery to coincide with the garage sale madness, it was a happy bonus. Looking back, having my doc stick a needle in my eye seems like a good trade-off.

Not that I begrudge my neighbors their fun. Nope, if that's your thang, then garage sale away my friends, it just isn't mine. Never has been, never will be.

You think I'm a snob, don't you? I'm not, I swear.

If you want to spend your time hosting a sale at your house, or go to other houses to find new stuff that even might end up in your next sale, go for it. I may not understand it, but to each their own. Just don't ask me to play. I'm begging really, I don't want to go.