When I first started out in self-help and personal-empowerment years ago, I was looking for that illusive secret, tip, or trick that would help me learn how to be a happier person. I thought if I could just fix me, or be better, or figure IT out, then I would create landslides of love, peace and happiness, all the time.

Of course that was immaturity, and spiritual ego, and just plain ole’ wrong. In part, my message and platform is in response to the positive psychology and “choose happines” movement I was sucked into for years, and to be honest, I feel did more detriment to a generation of seekers than their actual misery ever could have.

Now, looking back, I can see it was all extremely short sighted, born out of one man’s own angst, and for profit in an industry that thrives on catering to our discomfort, pains and insecurities.

But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some principles we can learn, which help us to not be so in resistance to life; that will absolutely give us more freedom, more choices, and as a result allow for the natural ebb and flow of the emotion of happiness to move through us more regularly

Here are some of the principles I implement. Remember, I’m not chasing happiness as an end. I don’t even try to find it. I just allow these principles to guide and serve me in my life, and then happiness, well she always finds her way back to me.

The hardest person to forgive is usually yourself.Resentments show up for a reason. That person or problem you are having a hard time letting go of, is probably an invitation to retrace your steps and find out where you self-abandoned, ignored your intuition or didn’t stand for your own worth. When you can forgive yourself, you have access to your power and can make new choices in the future.

You will always have an inner five year and old. He/She needs compassion and loving awareness, not to be told she’s “not real” or rationalized away through asking “is this true?” All aspects of who we are “are real” – they just aren’t the only thing that is real. When we see our tender and shadow-self with compassion and reverence, she has less control and she’s less likely to unconsciously react, chase and manipulate. Most often she’s just waiting for YOU to finally show up for YOU.

Acceptance is different than tolerance. Acceptance is clearly seeing a situation without the projections, distortions, fantasies, and triggers that normally distort the clearest picture. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to put up with it or tolerate it. You can discern, “more of the same? or “do I wish to create something different?” You often can’t change who is doing what, but you can make more empowered choices. And remember, choosing to not make a choice, is still a choice.

Learn how to grieve.Grief is miraculously cleansing. It’s like a detox for the soul. I had no idea how to do this for a long time. I thought negative emotions would bring more negativity into my life, so I bypassed a lot of healing opportunities. This created stuck, stored grief material and unhealed debris that festered. Our souls will keep recreating opportunities in our lives to heal and create new patterns until we FINALLY lean into the underlying core wound or core belief. Acknowledge grief, sadness, loss, and anger. They just want your attention, and sooner or later they will get it.

Learn what’s yours and what isn’t yours. If you are an empath, intuitive, creative, or emotionally and energetically sensitive, it’s easy to be a sponge and take on the world’s hurts and pains as if they are our own. But it is essential, if we want to do good in the world, to know where our boundaries start and stop; to Know what we have power over; to Know what we are responsible for and to Know that our worth is not tied into healing and fixing everyone we meet.

Be equally as grateful for what you don’t have as for what you do have. Sometimes what isn’t in our life is just as important as what is in our life. The voids in our life are preparing us; asking us to go deeper; showing us how far we’ve come. Spaciousness is always an opportunity for massive doses of self-love and gratitude. Ask for guidance if you are unsure: “Please show me what I most need to see now. I am grateful. I am open.” The in-between is actually your cosmic usher asking you to take a breath and enjoy the ride.

Learn to work with the contractions and expansions in your life. We get addicted to doing, creating, achieving and closing deals. Expansion feels good. It’s our soul discovering new territory, showing us the higher potentiality in our lives. But if we don’t learn how to settle into the energy of stillness, renewal, and retreat equally as much, we will miss the opportunities for healing and deeper levels of truth to be shown to us. Tell the taskmaster in you to “shut up and sit down we’re taking a breather!”

Know your core values. A lot of internal angst and shame come from thinking we should be doing something the way someone else is doing it. Life is so much more enjoyable and easy when the goals we make are in alignment with our own heart and soul. I will never be a domestic goddess or a world traveler, so I don’t put pressure on myself to have house beautiful or fill up my passport with exotic stamps from foreign countries. But I do love learning new things, writing, and taking care of my health so I schedule these things in and budget for them without guilt.

Be honest, ruthlessly authentic, and say what you mean to say. Have enough self-awareness to know your own motive and be clear about it. Say what you’re scared to say. “I really want you back in my life.” “I want to explore what’s possible with you.” “I don’t feel this is aligned with my heart and soul.” “I really love you, but I don’t want to be with you.” Whatever it is that feels vulnerable, silly or “too much authenticity” for someone, is usually the very thing you need to say or admit to set yourself free. Speaking from our deepest truths opens up the exact dialogue to move forward. It’s better to be honest and clear and know, than to live in the inertia and smallness of not being fully expressed.

When in doubt, just ask! Everyone I know understands I don’t make assumptions. If I want something, I ask. If I feel something, I WILL lovingly tell you. The guarantee on my end is I am always compassionate. I see a lot of people make the mistake of jumping to conclusions or trying to decipher what someone means. Being vague and playing games are for people who don’t know who they are and manipulators. You deserve to know the truth. And if someone gets weird or uncomfortable, then they aren’t able to have the same kind of honest conversations as you are.

See, hear and talk to everyone as if they are powerful and beautiful. Everyone we meet will be in different stages of their own evolution. If we can hear them as their most powerful, creative selves who just want love and connection the same way we do, we literally will feel more love, because when we participate in love purely, we feel Love more profoundly through that demonstration. When we see people as just their limitations, it actually keeps both us and them small because there is a separation that doesn’t allow for the transfer of love.

Your body is sacred. Let me repeat. Your body, your heart, your love, your sexuality are all sacred. For too long I didn’t value that my heart, body, and sexuality were connected. I don’t apologize for this anymore. I don’t need to use my body as an object to get approval, attention or love. Don’t get me wrong, I love my feminine power and my human desires. This energy, put to good, conscious, use is powerfully creative, loving and expansive. But, unconsciously used as the source of our worth and value, it can be destructive to ourselves and others. Learn to discern who is ready and deserving of your divine worth.

Become your own Beloved.Fairy-tale romances are fun. But they’ve conditioned us to believe that there is a storybook prince or princess out there who will ease all our pain, complete us, and make life wonderful. When we discover how to be our own lover, partner, admirer, and supporter, we start to generate these feelings from within and begin to really Know ourselves. This creates space for the authentic YOU to show up without neediness, blindness, or grasping in relationships. This is the foundation for allowing your soul to resonate with other soul’s on your path; this is where unconditional Love meets her match and says “I love you because I am love” not because of what you can provide for me.

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Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”~Pema Chodron

One of the spiritual principles I push back on is this idea that we are here to “learn lessons.”

Inherently implied in this concept is that there are mistakes if we don’t “get it,” or a right and a wrong way to do things. Also, an unconditionally loving force that gifts us free will and then says, “let’s see if these crazy humans can get it right?” That’s trickery, not unconditional love, and I don’t think so.

Lessons, right and wrong, figuring it all out, punishment — these are fear-based human constructs projected on to a force we can’t and don’t understand.

It also tends to take people out of presence, acceptance, and surrender, (what Pema is really talking about in this quote) and puts them further into their heads, over analyzing and stressing, thinking that there is ONE RIGHT way to do Life before they can move past go and collect 200 dollars.

Really, truly, and oh-so-beautifully simplistically, is that you can’t really screw anything up. But you DO get to choose how you want this experience to go. Like what feeling or energy do you want to create your life from? What would you like to call forth more of? What patterns would you like to grow past or let go of?

So from this perspective, you can either make choices that are in alignment with your heart, with your truth, and with what you desire for your life, or that aren’t.

Your job then is to put one foot in front of the other, relaxing into and/or speaking up for the most honest truth in your life now.

This can sometimes be allowing feelings of despair, and grief, and sadness, and leaning into their beautiful messages of compassion and releasing. It can sometimes mean profound periods of not knowing and confusion. It can sometimes be periods of destruction and rebuilding. It can sometimes mean sparks of creativity and inspiration.

Non-resistance, acceptance, presence, and surrender will allow more room for grace, joy, and love to reside in the background of Life’s theater. When we aren’t pushing our ego’s agenda, or denying the messiness of what is, or imagining ourselves to be failures, and/or playing small and hiding (mostly from ourselves), we can show up for our Wholehuman experience, making clear and heart-nourishing choices, which enhances our relationship from within –– which builds TRUST, trust with ourselves, and with the mysteries of life and how she gently and sometimes forcefully ushers us forward.

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All my love! Thank you for being here!

I respect your privacy and sanity. Unsubscribe at any time. I promise, I will still love you.

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

This is the biggest struggle I see my clients dealing with: they think they are supposed to arrive at some “enlightened”, perfectly-happy-utopian-place, and reside there all the time.

They think bliss and euphoria are a constant state. They believe they should never make a mistake, or have a negative thought, or be triggered again.

The problem is we look up to guides, teachers, and thought leaders and put them on pedestals, or make them superhuman. This is especially true in the age of social media where we are seeing snippets of people’s lives.

We hear about their profound insights and it’s easy to get caught up in the illusion that there is a journey from point A to point B. But, there is no point B, there is only the experience of the journey. We just get to decide how we want this experience to go.

Spirituality, Law of Attraction, and self-help can be a slippery slope into muscling through our mind’s acrobatics; into sidestepping the conditional and relational truths of being human, which leaves us further disconnected from ourselves.

The journey of being a soul having a human experience is about finding our light and our divinity through our humanity, not through escaping it.

The difference is, in transformation, we learn how to be with ourselves instead of avoiding ourselves. We learn how to love ourselves, without relying on the external world to tell us when we are lovable. To that end, perfection is an illusion and inevitably there will be pivots, shifts, breakdowns, and emptying out periods as we discover deeper and deeper connections with our own love and truth.

The practice: love yourself through everything you are experiencing.

Destruction of old identities, coping mechanisms, and avoidance techniques is not comfortable! Revolution is messy! Don’t shame yourself or your process. Learn to really TRUST your messy, confused, pissed off, lonely, and angry. They are showing you things, primarily where to show up for yourself more honestly, and wholeheartedly.

This is the only way. To accept and love it all. And through your non-resistance comes peace and clearings, and more profound levels of love and connection with yourself.

The truth is you have to fall off track a few times to realize where you want to be; you have to be so sick of your own shit that you become willing to do the uncomfortable work.

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

I meet a lot of people who are convinced there is something “wrong” with them because they’ve “tried everything” and they still have bad days, feel lost, feel sad or depressed at times, and as a result, have decided they are broken (shame).

They continue to amass encyclopedic knowledge in “my shit,” self-help, and personal empowerment; they seek out gurus, see therapists, shamans, and energy healers, and blame 5th dimension connections and karmic contracts on their aches and pains.

I get it. When you feel lost and broken down you want it to go away. Not tomorrow, but yesterday. The teeny-weeny problem is. . .

When we go into hyperdrive “I’ve got to fix, change, or transcend” mode it’s like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living: looking to external “gurus”, answers, connections, and concoctions to fill our voids, our minds, and our disconnected hearts.

As a reformed self-help junkie and positive Pollyanna, my drug of choice was “fixing” my “thoughts.” And after all the ego observations, positive affirmations, and identification of “my stories”, I was still just as lost, disembodied, repressed, and numbed out.

I had no clue how to be vulnerable, how to be authentic, or how to deeply connect with myself.

I was a spiritual intellectual traumatized by the total abandonment of self.

The problem with all these well-intentioned coaching, spiritual, and healing paradigms is we are often sidestepping the internal cues, signposts, and exquisite bodily messages in the present moment. We are often looking for secrets that exist outside of ourselves at the expense of leaning into our deepest self – who might have a lot to say if she’s never been listened to.

We don’t heal our core wounds and self-worth issues by avoiding the feelings and experiences we feel — that lie underneath the crazy stories of our mind.

We don’t align with the essence of who we are, love, by dissociating from pain, hurt, and shame — these are guideposts that we are disconnected from a wound and we probably just need more of our love.

We don’t erase our limiting, ego, fear-based beliefs through simply being the “observer” or the “space” — these are our relational and developmental survival mechanisms that must be healed in relationship to our humanness.

We don’t get a deeper connection to ourselves and create more meaningful lives by calling part of our human experience “an illusion”, “not true”, or “not real.” It’s all real, here, now, at this time, it’s just not the only thing that’s real.

Spirituality and personal empowerment can be a slippery slope into muscling our way into feeling and believing what we THINK we should feel and believe.

Our triggers, the “stories”, and our “criminal egos” are an invitation to connect with ourselves on much deeper levels and to get curious: “are there messages hiding in our pain?”

Machinations of the mind are access points to disowned truths.

They are passageways to emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others through vulnerability and honesty.

The fact of the matter is we reside here in human form for a reason: to experience the experience of ourselves; to delight in our true nature through resonance in human form.

And the only way to match our lives with that which we desire is to BECOME the deepest, truest, most honest versions of love we can be, which is through loving our humanity, not through bypassing it.

If we want to feel and receive and experience the gifts of love, truth, trust, peace, and meaning, then we have to learn how to connect and communicate the way our heart and soul do: through unbridled, unrestricted, all-encompassing, compassion, acceptance, and love. Which has nothing to do with resistance, forcing a positive thought, calling an experience not real, or muscling our way into better “thinking.”

We aren’t going to find what we are “looking for” through not loving ALL of what we are.

Fall in love with your paradoxical nature. Fall in love with being Human. Show up for your whole self, and feel the love and truth you’ve been disconnected from.

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All my love! Thank you for being here!

I respect your privacy and sanity. Unsubscribe at any time. I promise, I will still love you.

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

I always wanted to believe that people were as honest, as sincere, and as apologetic as me. And that was the problem – I thought if I owned my stuff then you should own your stuff too. . . and apologize.

So I would allow people to stay in my life past the expiration date of the relationship, past the mutual growth opportunities, and play the role of surprised-victimized-over-giver-door-mat.

Then I got it: Don’t play with, engage, or argue with assholes, people committed to their illusions, or bad-behavior-participators. Ever!

Why? Because assholes never know they are assholes.

So what makes us think that we can make them realize they are behaving badly? Or acting unconsciously? Or being disrespectful? Or behaving with zero awareness of their impact on other people? Or justifying seriously lame, manipulative tactics to get back into our little corner of the world?

Before I understood boundaries, I thought it was my job to get someone to behave in a kind, respectful manner towards me.

I thought I should point out how they were manipulating, or how unloving and uncaring their behavior was – and then I would get an apology.

It only kept me entangled with said asshole. It actually gave the asshole more fuel for their fire because they had an in: they could keep coming back into my life, acting like an unconscious jerk over and over again because the door was always open. When in actuality, I turned into the asshole that had to make sure they knew they were wrong and or get them to rectify their behavior.

In fact, said asshole, if he wasn’t an asshole, would know his behavior was borderline inhumane, disrespectful, manipulative or unkind and would quickly make amends without you nudging them, and they certainly wouldn’t continue to participate in said behavior.

Remaining entangled in depleting relationships or with people committed to their insanity. . . is insanity.

Trying to get someone to see or admit that what they did was wrong then be sorry for it (so we can feel better) is giving away our power.

Think about it like this: would you behave that unkindly? Unconsciously? Probably not.

Because you aren’t an asshole.

My inquiry into my realm of power was a rather stark realization that I was powerless over other people, and that the best thing I could do was accept that said asshole was committed to their behavior and that I was suffocating my spirit and abusing my heart by waiting for them to wake up and NOT want to be an asshole.

When I accepted that I can’t change people, that this was actually codependent behavior, I was honestly relieved.

I could totally release all focus on them and look at my healing responsibility in the situation. I could settle into what I really believed to be good, kind, respectful behavior and then live in integrity with that in my own life, without trying to get everyone else to believe or behave at with the same values and standards.

Translation: I own up to my side of the street and where my power starts and stops, then discern who fits into my life without making it about them, but rather making it about my commitment to myself and my heart.

This is actually when you are most powerful: we heal codependent behavior when we stop relying on other people to make us feel better.

The warning is this, even when you take full responsibility for your side of the street, for said asshole being in your life, and then discern it’s not working anymore without blaming them and then politely explain what is in integrity for you and that it just doesn’t fit any kind of relationship or entanglement with them, said asshole will probably never hear you.

But at least now you can move on without making it about someone else; just stick to your knowing about what is good and right in your life.

Share this with someone who could use some love from you.

All Love, All Truth,

Megyn

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Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

As my birthday month passes and I find myself closer to 40 than I am not, (oh-mah-gosh that sounds weird) it’s hard not to think about what the next half of my life will look like. My mid-thirties have been fast and furious as age seems to compress time, lessons and truths, in the same way, that my twenties seemed to mercifully meander by.

I stand on a strange precipice between absolute trust that pain will inevitably arise over and over again, as I am committed to being fully human: living with my heart and arms wide open, welcoming all the gifts of this crazy life.

Yet, at the same time, knowing that the truth of Life is this: she doesn’t guarantee easy but, she does say the best is yet to come; that each year gets infinitely better as we peel back more and more layers that guide us deeper into our own hearts, and bring us closer to our truth.

In the past few years my life and connections have opened up and come alive in ways I could never have imagined and it’s because I finally understood how to let go of just as much as I learned how to love, trust and listen to myself.

If you can implement these essential principles life should feel like a beautiful, mysterious, terrain that celebrates the delicate balance between being fully grounded in our humanness and yet ever more present to our soul’s eternal connection.

Let your heart be the architect and the mind be the builder. Don’t think your way through life. Feel your way through life. The mind is woefully inept at conceiving all possibilities. It really can only direct you from a future based need of security or past-based fear matrix. Your feelings are an amazing compass. They direct you from an innate knowing into a pathway of healing, intuition, and self-discovery.

Let go of needing to know. Sometimes we’re not supposed to know everything. The gifts of Life/Spirit sometimes take a while to reveal themselves. Try not to fit people or situations into your “ideas” about what they “should” be. You are better off loving and living and playing through the present moment. This is where the gifts happen – through experience, outside of thought.

Learn to really like yourself. Like, really enjoy your own company. The relationship you have with yourself is the highest priority you have. Cultivate enjoyment in being alone, in silence and in being single. Go to dinner, movies, and on vacations alone. Have passions and hobbies just for you. Don’t look to anyone to make you feel valued, important or sexy. You’ll always be starving, in need, and disappointed if you are looking to relationships, identities, or careers to provide you with your worth. When you truly enjoy and love yourself – everything else is just a gift.

You can’t rescue, fix or heal anyone. In fact, if you are drawn to human projects, you actually should turn the mirror around on yourself. We often focus on “fixing” others to avoid looking at our own self-love gaps. Getting caught up in other people’s messiness at the expense of our own needs and self-worth is the surest way to show the Universe how little you think of yourself. The most loving thing you can do for another is take care of yourself first. But…

Know your standards. Have boundaries. It’s healthy to have boundaries and standards of respect, trust, and dignity in relationships. If someone has a hard time understanding or honoring these standards, let them go. Trust that loving yourself will take care of replacing that relationship with something better. Not knowing what you stand for is the quickest way to become a doormat and become victim to your own lack of boundaries.

You have no power over other people. Focus on your own little hula-hoop of energy. We don’t have control over other people’s reactions, feelings or their truth. You can try your best to show up authentically and lovingly, yet there are still going to be some people who won’t be able to see you, hear you and meet you where you are at. And know…

It’s not about you.Don’t take somebody’s bad behavior personally. As much as it hurts – hurt people, hurt people. Some people we meet will understand relationship differently. They have survival mechanisms built on fear and unconscious maps of their world, but you always have the right to say “this is not healthy; this is not what I want to continue creating.” Leave it at that. No explanation necessary!

Do no harm. Ever. To yourself or another. Always ask yourself, “is this actually selfish rationale that is dishonoring my highest yes?” “Am I ignoring consequences to get instant gratification?” “Will my choices harm someone else?” Every choice we make has ripple effects. There are thousands of people who will be directly and indirectly touched by both your kindness and lack of awareness. Be kind when in doubt.

You aren’t an island.There will come a time when you will feel lost. But, I guarantee there is someone you know who has been through what you are going through. Don’t live in shame or isolation. Tell at least one person the whole truth. Give your darkest moments room to breathe. Just make sure it’s in a safe space with no judgment.

Happiness is not a choice. Yes, I said it. It’s a consequence of feeling empowered; of feeling like we have choices. Don’t ever side step your pain or accept situations that are painful in the name of being “conscious.” Take time to feel it, explore it and release it without judgment. Try to find the core feeling, the one without thoughts attached. Happiness is more likely to flow through you when you aren’t fighting for it. It’s a natural emotion that comes when we feel resourced and whole from within, which means allowing what arises in us to be seen.

There is more than one way to do this thing called life. Your path does not have to look like everybody else’s path to be valuable. Get married. Don’t get married. Have children. Don’t have children. Travel, move, get a job, start a company, stay put. There are a million different choices to make. Just make them your own.

Never assume that other people have it all together. The wisest people I know, admit every day they are still trying to figure this sh** out. Life is not an arrival. It’s an ever deepening unfolding and journey, whereby we keep being shown more grace, love and knowing if we choose to act in ways that serve our hearts and ultimately love.

Watch for the second installation on lessons to help make you life freaking amazing!

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

with more personal stories, guidance, and coaching.

All my love! Thank you for being here!

HELLO BEAUTIFUL SOUL!

Hi I’m Megyn, Spiritual Myth Buster, Truth Teller and Inner Relationship Coach. I breakdown high level self-help and self-love to make it implementable in your everyday life. Stick around, read for a while, I want to blow your life wide open to love, trust, and the mysteries of Grace.