Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Mitt Romney: “Obama’s is Longer Than Mine”

Mitt Romney is going to be tarred forever with Obamacare/Romneycare, no matter how much squirming and twisting and doubletalking he does.

In his latest squirmfest, Romney says his mandatory health insurance plan — when he was Governor of Massachusetts — is completely different from Obama’s health plan because “My bill was 70 pages. His is over 2,000.”

Also, I was wearing a blue shirt when I signed Romneycare into law, and it was raining. So there.

Romney also defended Romneycare by saying “we solved a serious need that existed in our state.”

Oh, and there wasn’t any “serious need” for Obama’s Affordable Care Act? Hmmm, I seem to remember something about tens of thousands of Americans dying every year from lack of medical care, jillions of people unable to get health coverage because of a pre-existing condition, countless others getting dropped by their HMOs when they had the nerve to get sick…

But it’s fun to watch Romney squirm and dance. He still thinks if he keeps on digging and digging, he’ll get out of that hole he’s dug himself into. Keep digging, Asshole.

In other news: Corporations can’t be put in prison, but their executives can. When it comes to health care fraud, federal agencies are going to start going after specific executives instead of some amorphous paper entity known as “the corporation.”

Pharmaceutical companies, medical device manufacturers, nursing home chains and any other company that deals with Medicare and Medicaid — the kid gloves are off. Instead of the corporation paying a pocket-change fine and then going about its business like nothing happened, individual executives will face criminal charges if they engage in health care fraud. Executives don’t even have to be personally involved in a fraud scheme. If they could have stopped the scheme if they had known about it, they do the perp walk.

Also, the guilty company can be banned from doing any further business with government health programs.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Mayor Jack Scott: Dickhead of the Year

Along with heroes and good Samaritans, every natural disaster brings out the human douchebaggery as well. Hurricane Katrina was famous for “Brownie you’re doing a heckuva job” and that Louisiana state legislator who said Katrina-related deaths “accomplished what AIDS couldn’t do.”

So far the biggest shitwad of the 2011 tornado season is the inbred mayor of Cordova, Alabama — Jack Scott. Charles Dickens couldn’t have invented a character this twisted and mean-spirited.

So let's get this straight: the town of Cordova gets devastated by a tornado — Meh. No biggie. Minor problem.

FEMA provides temporary trailers to some of the residents whose houses were destroyed — Big BIG problem. “EEWW, get those icky unsightly trailers out of here!” The town of Cordova doesn’t allow single-wide trailers, the type provided by FEMA, within the city limits. No exceptions. Your home got destroyed by a tornado? Tough shit. Sleep in the street, leave town, die, whatever.

One newly homeless resident said:

“People have to live somewhere. What's it matter if it's in a trailer?”

Another resident pointed out that other towns have ordinances against single-wide trailers, but they’re granting exceptions for a natural disaster:

“There are trailers all over here but Scott wants to clean all the trash out. He doesn't like lower-class people.”

Some of the town’s residents — population 2,000 — are circulating recall petitions against Jack Scott. That’s the least they should do. The bigger question is: how did that sack of pus ever get elected in the first place?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Gil Scott-Heron

Gil Scott-Heron died yesterday afternoon. He was probably most famous for “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.” (Check it out here.) The lyrics — this was the 1970s — seem sort of tame today, compared to the political hatred spewing all over the Internet and all the angry violent heavy metal/rap lyrics out there. But it was a start. He said what needed to be said.

Gil Scott Heron was sometimes called the Godfather of Rap, but he rejected that title. He once wrote:

“If there was any individual initiative that I was responsible for it might have been that there was music in certain poems of mine, with complete progression and repeating `hooks,' which made them more like songs than just recitations with percussion.”

Scott-Heron’s music has been widely sampled by rappers. I’m guessing Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic” (1992) has a lot of Scott-Heron samples.

My favorite songs of his were Winter In America and The Bottle. You can find more YouTube links here.

Friday, May 27, 2011

U.S. Senate In Session during Memorial Day Weekend

Whoa! Is this dedication, or what? So much for all those stereotypes about lazy sleazy politicians.

Unlike most Americans who spend Memorial Day lolling around on the beach or in the backyard, the hardworking members of the U.S. Senate will be working all through this three-day weekend.

Well, actually, they won’t be working. In fact most senators won’t even be in the Senate during this long weekend. But make no mistake, the Senate is In Session.

The Senate will be in pro forma session. No work will be conducted, but this technicality allows Wall Street’s prostitutes to prevent Elizabeth Warren from being appointed as head of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. President Obama was planning to use the recess appointment to appoint Warren. But now he can’t, since the Senate isn’t in recess. You know, since the Senate is in session. Well, they’re not really in session, but they’re [wink] “in session.” Or something.

I think the Senate Majority Leader should tell the Senate “Hey, we’re either in session or we’re not. Either we’re all here, conducting business all weekend, or the Senate is Not In Session. Pick one.”

A federal judge has expanded the scope of the Citizens United decision. (I didn’t know it had any room to expand even further.) The Citizens United ruling only applies to independent “third party” political organizations, not political candidates themselves.

U.S. District Judge James Cacheris, who made the Son of Citizens United ruling, said:

“For better or worse, Citizens United held that there is no distinction between an individual and a corporation with respect to political speech. Thus, if an individual can make direct contributions within the law's limits, a corporation cannot be banned from doing the same thing.”

All righty then — open the floodgates. And you thought they were already open.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Campaign Guidelines for Slippery Two-Faced Fence-Sitting Republicans

Despite all the warning signs — public outrage at town hall meetings, the defeat of a favored Republican congressional candidate in a special election — Republicans are still determined to go forward with privatizing Medicare. Instead of “OK, our constituents have spoken; back to the drawing board,” it’s “oops, we didn’t spin it right. We need better soundbites.”

Republican politicians are looking for a way to campaign for Paul Ryan’s “destroy Medicare in order to save it” plan, but without actually having to come out and say it. Or, some of them might want to slyly distance themselves from the Paul Ryan plan while simultaneously praising Him.

First, do not EVER say anything negative about Paul Ryan. If you disagree with His plan for gutting Medicare, say so in the nicest possible way, while simultaneously praising Him as the living incarnation of Jesus, George Washington and Ronald Reagan.

Newt Gingrich learned this the hard way. When he disagreed with the Ryan plan, hardcore Republicans interpreted it as an attack on Ryan Himself. And now the GOP leadership has asked Gingrich for a divorce.

And this is why Tim Pawlenty is still in the race. He hasn’t backed the Ryan plan (yet) but he regularly swoons that Paul Ryan is “offering real leadership in Washington.” Mitt Romney, also not taking a stand (or taking 47 different positions), has praised Ryan for “setting the right tone.”

Second — The Conversation. Paul Ryan started the “adult conversation” buzzword, and all GOP candidates need to run with it. It’s OK if you don’t have the balls to come right out and say you want to pull the rug out from under millions of people. Just throw out a bunch of meaningless doubletalk, and periodically scrinch your face into that deadly serious expression while saying “we need to have this conversation.”

And remember — you can be totally vague and noncommittal, as long as you refer to your plan as being “still in the works,” “not identical to Paul Ryan’s plan but we share the same objectives,” “we’re on the same page when it comes to entitlements,” etc.

Anyway, that’s a small preview of the soundbites and longwinded nothing-speak we’ll all be getting bombarded with.

3. The children of slaves were freer and better off than the children of white non-slaves.

4. Americans invented and developed Sputnik but the Russians stole it from us and got all the credit.

If you were unaware of any of those facts, it just shows you’ve been brainwashed by anti-American politically-correct textbooks and the liberal media.

The above information comes from the National Center for Constitutional Studies, based in Malta, Idaho. And the Tea Party Patriots want to bring this valuable information to America’s school children during Constitution Week.

The National Center for Constitutional Studies was founded by W. Cleon Skousen, a former Salt Lake City police chief who died in 2006. His posthumous fame is mostly because of Glenn Beck worshiping him and blubbering on and on about him on his program.

The director of the Constitutional Accountability Center said:

“It's indoctrination, not education. They're so far from the mainstream of constitutional thought that they are completely indefensible.”

That’s putting it mildly.

Here’s a picture of Zeldon Nelson, the current leader of the National Center for Constitutional Studies. Got a caption?

Mine is: “Whaddya mean, have I seen your teabag? How the fuck would I know where your teabag is?!?”

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

If you’re out of work, you’re catching it from all sides. Rightwing state legislators are reducing your unemployment benefits because you’re just a worthless parasite. And a lot of employers won’t hire you because you’re unemployed.

How’s that for circular reasoning? Sure, everyone knows you have a better chance of getting that new job if you’re already employed. But for millions of job seekers to be automatically rejected just because they’re not currently employed — WTF?

There’s some sentiment for expanding anti-discrimination laws to include the unemployed, but I don’t know whether the government can or should get involved in this. And how would they enforce it?

Unfortunately it’s not illegal to be a douchebag.

Congressman Hank Johnson (D—Georgia) has introduced the Fair Employment Act of 2011, which would amend the Civil Rights Act to prohibit employers from discriminating against unemployed job applicants.

New Jersey already has a law saying that posted job listings cannot state that the applicant has to be currently employed.

There’s some legal reasoning that race is a strong factor in discriminating against the unemployed, since minorities make up a large percentage of the jobless.

In any case, any new laws protecting the unemployed against discrimination would probably be overturned in the courts. Corporations are people, after all, and this intrusive new law would hurt their feelings.

Brainwashing the public — not so much. According to an AP-GfK poll, 60% of Americans say Social Security and Medicare are vital to the safety net; and we can balance the budget without cutting either of those programs.

One poll respondent nailed it with:

“I'm pretty confident Medicare will be there, because there would be a rebellion among voters. Republicans only got a hint of that this year. They got burned. They touched the hot stove.”

Between this survey and the backlash at Republican town hall meetings, conservative politicians are getting the message and making the necessary changes:

Realizing that their taxpaying constituents have spoken, Republicans have decided not to derail Medicare after all

We need to crack down on those raucous town hall meetings and stop these embarrassing YouTube videos. Republican politicians have turned into a laughingstock, being shown all over the Internet squirming and twitching in front of their enraged constituents. Solution: Ban all recording devices at town hall meetings.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Iowa Legislature Tackles Factory Farming Issues

As you know, factory farms are a huge source of festering problems. They spread disease. They pollute the water. They practice animal cruelty on a scale so massive, it’s unthinkable.

Thank God for the people who conduct undercover investigations of factory farms. Without them, the public wouldn’t even know about the mass-scale abuse going on behind closed doors.

Fortunately, the Iowa legislature is about to take care of this problem. No no, they’re not doing anything about the factory farms. [sheesh] Even better — they’re planning to outlaw those pesky undercover investigations.

Problem solved.

Huge agribusiness corporations have been complaining about those meddling animal rights activists who keep filming their abusive practices; and they’ve instructed their prostitutes in the Iowa legislature to bend over and do the right thing.

Iowa Sen. Tom Rielly (D) said:

“They want to hurt an important part of our economy. These people don't want us to have eggs. They don't want people to eat meat.”

Gee, is that what “they” are complaining about? Or maybe they’re concerned about this kind of thing.

At least this is an issue that cuts across political lines. The above-quoted call girl is a Democrat. And Republican pundit Mary Matalin has denounced the legislation:

“I’m sorry to hear that House File 589, which would criminalize filming on farms, is still getting pushed along in Iowa. Lawmakers and consumers from across the political spectrum have found that while promoting agriculture is of prime importance, so is making sure that workers at farms and slaughterhouses adhere to anti-cruelty laws.”

Iowa Governor Terry Branstad is undecided on whether to sign the legislation if it reaches his desk.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Call 911, Get Beaten by Police

If you ever happen to be in the Third World backwater of Fairhope, Alabama — DO NOT call 911 for any reason. If you do, you might get stomped by one of their “police” thugs.

84-year-old Dorsey Henderson called 911 when he witnessed a car accident outside his house. When he went to help, one of the drivers was drunk and belligerent, and tried to drive away. Henderson placed the drunk driver under citizen’s arrest and called 911.

Officer Trent Scott arrived on the scene, and Dorsey Henderson started to explain to him what had happened. Officer Inbred replied: “There’s no such thing as citizen's arrest…get out of the way, old man.”

When Henderson continued talking, saying he was only trying to help, Officer Dildo grabbed him, broke his shoulder and slammed his head repeatedly into the pavement.

Dorsey Henderson’s wife watched the whole incident helplessly from her wheelchair and called 911. About ten minutes later an ambulance arrived, and Trent Scott told the paramedics that Henderson “doesn’t need an ambulance” and sent them away.

Sometime later, a superior officer arrived on the scene and ordered the ambulance to return. Dorsey Henderson was taken to a hospital. Doctors said he had a broken nose, multiple contusions and a torn rotator cuff.

It would be nice to think Officer Trent Scott is just the proverbial bad apple, and not to judge the whole barrel, etc. Unfortunately, as of this writing, there has been no disciplinary action against him and he’s still employed by the Fairhope police department.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Senator Charles Grassley: “We Don’t Have None of Them Chineese People Here in Iowa”

Senate Republicans are gearing up to do the only thing they’re capable of doing: blocking, obstructing, standing there holding their breath with their arms crossed and their lower lips thrust out.

They’re planning to filibuster Obama’s nomination of Goodwin Liu to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit. Six years ago Liu wrote in an editorial that conservative interest groups use the terms “free enterprise,” “private ownership of property,” and “limited government” as code words for getting rid of environmental and worker safety regulations. Nooo!!!

“Does Liu think we’re the communist-run China? That the government runs everything? That’s how out of place this guy is when he talks about “free enterprise,” “private ownership of property,” and “limited government” being something somehow bad, but if you get government more involved, like they do in China, it’s somehow a better place.” [re-adjusts panties]

In 2005, one of Grassley’s other personalities said it’s unconstitutional to filibuster a judicial nominee. That particular Grassley personality has not been seen since 2008.

Not that it’ll make any difference, but Goodwin Liu — a University of California law professor — can probably think circles and figure eights around the entire gang of corporate prostitutes who are filibustering his appointment.

Oh well, when there’s a giant slab of shit blocking the road, you might have to take a detour around it. For President Obama, this probably means more and more executive orders and recess appointments.

Elizabeth Warren, for example, will probably have to be put in charge of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau via recess appointment. Wall Street’s Republican prostitutes have been instructed by their johns to filibuster every nominee to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

House Democrats have urged Obama to appoint Warren via recess appointment, saying in a letter: “Regretfully, Republicans in the Senate have now made it clear that they oppose reform.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Eric Cantor Goes Down on Oil Speculators

Everyone has suspected this for a long time, but now it’s official. Yesterday Eric Cantor spoke at a meeting of the CME Group, “the world’s largest owner and operator of exchanges and clearinghouses for financial derivatives.” (You can find more information about CME Group here.)

Cantor promised his audience — comprised mostly of oil speculators — that he would block those commie financial reforms that are part of last year’s Dodd-Frank law. And he took special aim at the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, which regulates derivatives and energy speculation. The highly-paid call girl said to his johns:

“We want to help you continue to lead for America, that means we gotta do our part when you see the implementation of Dodd-Frank coming at you like a barreling train. We want to help control that so that we can get some sensible, sensible follow up to that legislation…Whether it’s the EPA, the FDA, the FCC, the SEC, the CFTC, you name it, there is an acronym for a federal agency causing harm right now. We’re trying to pull that in.”

Next there was a giant sucking sound as Eric Cantor got down on his knees and started to xxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well, you can see why an oil speculator would vote for Eric Cantor. But how do you explain the millions of other Virginia voters who elected this cocksucker?

And now, a message to all patriotic Americans: Don’t say anything negative about any U.S. Supreme Court decisions; not even the teensiest little criticism. If you do, Clarence Thomas says you’re “lazy, illiterate.” The only people who criticize the Supreme Court are “cynics who are drunk on their own opinions.”

Last week John McCain said that waterboarding al Qaeda prisoners had nothing to do with the information that led American forces to Osama bin Laden two weeks ago. McCain said:

“Not only did the use of enhanced interrogation techniques on Khalid Sheikh Mohammed not provide us with key leads on bin Laden's courier, Abu Ahmed, it actually produced false and misleading information.”

McCain got his information from CIA Director Leon Panetta. But that’s not good enough for Rick Santorum:

“McCain doesn't understand how enhanced interrogation works. I mean, you break somebody, and after they're broken, they become cooperative. And that's when we got this information. And one thing led to another, and led to another, and that's how we ended up with bin Laden. That’s what Jack Bauer does. And Harry Callahan, Andy Sipowicz, Elliot Stabler. And it works! It works every time!”

Gingrich, trying to “explain” why he kept fumbling and tripping all over himself during an interview, did his best Sarah Palin imitation. “Those questions were tooooo haaard. I wasn’t ready. They ambushed me. They were meeeeen.”

Gingrich said:

“I didn't go in there quite hostile enough, because it didn't occur to me going in that you'd have a series of setups.”

Oh well, he’s still new at this. He’s only given a few hundred televised interviews before. A few hundred more, and he might be ready for prime time.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Supreme Court: “Police Don’t Need No Steenkeeng Search Warrant”

And the trend continues. As corporations gain more and more “rights,” people’s individual rights are disappearing one by one. The Corporate Arm of the Republican Party (formerly known as the Supreme Court) has ruled that the police only need a search warrant if it’s raining, you’re wearing a flannel shirt and a green car just drove by.

In Lexington, Kentucky, police arrested a man after barging into his home without a search warrant. They claimed they didn’t need a search warrant because they smelled marijuana. And the Supreme Court has ruled in their favor, 8 to 1. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the only dissenter.

Maybe the only solution is for every individual American to incorporate. Become a one-person corporation, put “Inc.” or “LLC” after your name, and Presto: Instant Freedom!

For conservatives, there really does seem to be an inverse ratio when it comes to how much “Freedom” they want for corporations versus individuals.

Take freedom-loving Arizona for example. State Senator Russell Pearce (R—Inbred) has plans for protesters in Arizona. He wants to have them locked up in a tent city in the middle of the desert.

Russell Pearce absolutely worships his fellow neckdrooler, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and wants to be just like him. At a Phoenix Chamber of Commerce meeting, Pearce was asked how he would respond to protesters who disagree with Arizona’s conservative agenda. His response:

“I’ve spoken with the sheriff, and he has some nice buses that hold a lot of people. We’ve also got some tents with a view.”

The executive director of the Arizona AFL-CIO said:

“I find it deeply chilling that an elected official finds it funny to discuss jailing a group of people expressing their First Amendment rights. Suggesting a police crackdown before a rally has even occurred is just more of the same intimidation, threats and innuendo we’ve come to expect from Senator Pearce and his crony, Sheriff Joe Arpaio.”

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Bees Being Killed by Cell Phones?

Hopefully this isn’t true. So far it’s just the opinion of one person: Dr. Daniel Favre, a bee researcher.

Dr. Favre has conducted experiments placing a cell phone under a beehive, and monitoring how the bees act when the phone is off, in standby mode, and active. When the phone is transmitting a signal, the bees will let off an alert that’s usually used during swarming. The bees wouldn’t actually swarm, and when the phone is finished transmitting its signal, the bees’ behavior would return to normal.

These results aren’t conclusive, but Dr. Favre thinks it could mean that cell phone signals are causing bees to abandon their hives. Let’s hope this isn’t true.

If it comes down to this, what will the six billion members of Homo Sapiens choose — saving the world’s food supply or blubbering on our cell phones?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Newt Gingrich Explains Why He’d Be a Godawful President

This article tells what kind of presidency we could expect from the two-faced wife-cheating disgraced former House Speaker.

Gingrich told an audience that the 2012 election will be the most important election since 1860 when Abraham Lincoln was elected. Only this time, instead of that there Union army, it’s them “radical left-wing values” of Barack Hussein Osama that we need to worry about.

Gingrich described Obama as “the most successful food stamp president in modern American history.” Guess what Dildo — most of the “food stamps” went to Wall Street.

Gingrich’s economic solution: Doing the exact same thing we’ve been doing over and over for the last 31 years, but THIS time the results will be different. You know the drill: eliminate the estate tax, eliminate all capital gains taxes, reduce corporate taxes, and jillions of new jobs will be created so fast your head will be spinning.

Other words of wisdom from Newt Gingrich include: Sonia Sotomayor is a racist; Obama’s class warfare and hatred of white people needs to be understood in terms of his “Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior;” and building a mosque four blocks away from Ground Zero is the same as placing a Nazi sign next to the Holocaust Museum.

Yes, that’s definitely the kind of level-headed grownup talk we all expect from a future President of the United States.

Oh, and General Electric sleazing their way out of paying ANY income taxes: That’s a GOOD thing. It’s the fault of them tax-and-spend Democrats and their jackbooted IRS thugs. What’s a poor little corporation to do?

Gingrich praised GE’s “remarkably rational behavior in recognizing the corporate tax rate is clearly past the Laffer curve point. And so 375 tax lawyers in the largest tax department in the world devised a very clever strategy which enabled General Electric to pay zero corporate taxes.”

Gingrich also wants to de-fund the National Labor Relations Board. Damn right! Buncha dummies who work with their hands and do physical labor — who needs ‘em?!? How many Republican campaigns did THEY ever contribute to?

Well, there you have it, straight from the Horse’s Ass’s mouth. Is anyone actually going to vote for that dickwad?

Jon Stewart gave Newt Gingrich a proper thrashing on the Daily Show the other night. Check it out. (You’ll have to scroll down to get to the video.)

“Mr. Speaker, your voting record is at variance from one of the Church’s most ancient moral teachings. From the apostles to the present, the Magisterium of the Church has insisted that those in power are morally obliged to preference the needs of the poor. Your record in support of legislation to address the desperate needs of the poor is among the worst in Congress. This fundamental concern should have great urgency for Catholic policy makers. Yet, even now, you work in opposition to it.”

And:

“The 2012 budget you shepherded to passage in the House of Representatives guts long-established protections for the most vulnerable members of society. It is particularly cruel to pregnant women and children, gutting Maternal and Child Health grants and slashing $500 million from the highly successful Women Infants and Children nutrition program.”

AMEN.

Unfortunately, John Boehner didn’t have time to read the letter; he was busy schmoozing with The American People.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Welcome to the Winter Park School of Economics

The Powers That Be in Winter Park, FL are the worst entrepreneurs in the history of economics. Either that, or they’re the most blatant example yet that union busting has nothing whatsoever to do with balancing budgets.

The government of Winter Park is so terrified that their 150 municipal employees might join a union, that they’re paying $2,500 a day for the services of a union-busting “consultant.” That must be one mighty expensive union their employees are thinking of joining.

Winter Park has hired Kulture LLC — “a firm specializing in labor relations.” Riiight. And the Ku Klux Klan is a group of race relations consultants.

Winter Park city employees will be voting in June or July whether or not to join the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME). And apparently they’ll need a little, uh, “persuasion” in the meantime.

So, what’s your take? Is Winter Park being governed by the dumbest business people ever? Or was there an ulterior motive for hiring Kulture LLC?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

High Gas Prices Caused by Oil Companies and Wall Street Speculators

This is a no-brainer of course. And finally the public is seeing through all the Rightwing/Corporate smoke and mirrors. The “Drill Here Drill Now” inbreds are vastly outnumbered by people with IQs HIGHER than their shoe sizes.

According to a CNN poll, 89% of Americans blamed oil companies for higher prices. 61% said oil companies deserve “a great deal” of blame; 27% assigned “some” blame to the oil industry.

90% are blaming Wall Street speculators for higher gas prices. Speculators deserve “a great deal” of blame according to 59%; and “some” blame according to 31%.

These results cut across all political lines. A majority of Democrats, Republicans, Liberals and Conservatives all said oil companies and speculators deserve a great deal of blame. Among self-identified Tea Partiers, 40% blamed oil companies and speculators.

Meanwhile Congressional Republicans, with their ongoing devotion to “The American People,” are fighting valiantly against ALL attempts to regulate oil speculators. And they're going to make sure their oil pimps will keep getting jillions of dollars in taxpayer handouts. Aw come on, they’re just fulfilling their campaign promises to The American People.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Teabaggers: “Keep Them Queers Out of the Army, or America Gets It!”

Gotta love these schizophrenic teatards. They want a “limited” bathtub-sized government that monitors 300 million Americans twenty-four hours a day. They want “Freedom!” and “Liberty!” and they want God brought back into the public square.

So far the teawipes have threatened to shut down the government unless “Obamacare,” Planned Parenthood and NPR are defunded, and unless abortion is banned, among other rightwing fantasies. And now the latest from the teajobs: Reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell or we’ll shut down that there gummint.

It’s sort of entertaining to watch the wingtards’ hostage-taking wetdreams, since it’s a moot point anyway. Wall Street wants Congress to raise the U.S. debt limit. And what Wall Street wants, Wall Street gets. Case closed.

John Boehner (R—Prostitute) will be appearing before his Wall Street pimps later today. They need to be reassured that he’s bending over when they say “Bend Over!” If you’ve ever squirmed and sweated through a job interview or performance appraisal, multiply that tension by ten trillion if you want to imagine Boehner’s anxiety level during this “interview” with his Masters.

Whatever his favorite kind of booze is, it’ll be disappearing off the shelves tonight.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Emergency in Wisconsin!

This is urgent! Some Wisconsin Republicans might be recalled this summer, so they need to hurry up and carry out their puppetmasters’ commands NOW. So many unions to castrate, voters to disenfranchise, industries to deregulate, so many voting districts to gerrymander — so little time.

They need to cram several years’ worth of legislation into these next few weeks. Their careers might soon be derailed by the upcoming recall elections, which of course were instigated by George Soros and his socialist union thugs.

State Rep. Gary Tauchen (R—Kochsucker) said:

“Everything's been accelerated. We've got a lot of big bills we're trying to get done.”

Because of the dire emergency involved, they don’t have time for the usual niceties like public comment periods and the proper vetting of proposed legislation. The head of the nonpartisan Government Accountability Board said:

“There has been no time for the careful evaluation and vetting needed to ensure the best options for voters and election officials is enacted.”

Since they’re working at such a fast and furious pace, let’s hope these Republicans receive a well-earned permanent vacation later this year.

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Caught Between an Asshole Neighbor and a Power-Crazed City Government

This isn’t exactly an earthshaking matter, but it sure pissed me off when I saw it on the news last night. In Clyde Hill, King County (east of Seattle), Linda Boyd and her son bought three hens to keep on their half-acre property. They made great pets, plus:

“We were very interested in organic food and farming practices.”

Most of the neighbors didn’t mind, but the yuppie scum next door, Matt Simmons, complained to the city. He’s trying to sell his house, and said:

“Let me put it this way. I don't think it would be something that would be a selling point.”

Linda Boyd thought her neighbor’s complaint wouldn’t go anywhere, since the city of Clyde Hill, since its founding, has always complied with the King County code, which allows people to have chickens on their property.

So the city government of Clyde Hill — urgent priority here! — amended its municipal code. Clyde Hill residents are hereby NOT allowed to keep chickens on their property.

The city manager — who isn't named in the article and didn't have the 'nads to be interviewed — claims they didn’t change the rules in the ninth inning, as they were accused of doing; they simply “clarified” the law.

It’s hard to say who’s more contemptible: a self-centered shitwad whose biggest problem is the fact that the next door neighbor has three chickens; or a sleazy government official who changes the rules in the middle of the game and won’t even admit it.

Since recall elections are so popular these days, maybe the residents of Clyde Hill could “clarify” their views by recalling the assholes at city hall.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Mike Huckabee: Ronald Reagan Wouldn’t Stand a Chance Today

“Ronald Reagan would have a very difficult, if not impossible time being nominated in this atmosphere of the Republican party…he raises taxes as governor, he made deals with Democrats, he compromised on things in order to move the ball down the field.”

Teabaggers worship Ronald Reagan, grovel at His feet, have sick twisted fantasies about Him — and yet if He appeared today, they’d crucify Him. Go figure.

And you don’t even want to ask what the teatards think of Richard Nixon. That commie-loving treehugger — they can’t do anything to him now, since he’s been dead seventeen years. So they’ll settle for the next best thing: abolishing the Environmental Protection Agency, which Nixon created forty years ago.

Senator Richard Burr (R—Inbred) is trying to merge the EPA with the Department of Energy (another agency the rightwads have hated since the day it was created). This new consolidated/castrated department would be the Department of Energy and Environment (DOEE).

House Republicans to Rape Victims: “What Were You Wearing, Slut???”

Among other things, this bill “redefines” rape. Basically, if you were raped on any day other than Sunday and the rapist wasn’t wearing a purple jacket — it’s NOT rape.

Anyone getting an abortion can NOT use itemized medical deductions or tax credits to pay for any health insurance policy that covers abortion. Even Grover Norquist says this new bill is a tax increase.

Anyone who uses tax credits or deductions to pay for an abortion will have to prove — during an audit — that her abortion “fell under the rape/incest/life-of-the-mother exception, or that the health insurance she had purchased did not cover abortions.” In other words, IRS agents would become the abortion police.

Remember when Republicans used to talk about “limited government?”

House Speaker John Boehner (R—Jim Beam) received 135,000 petition signatures opposing the bill. Republicans are even threatening to hold the debt ceiling increase hostage, to force the Senate to approve the bill. “Vote for our anti-abortion bill or the country gets it.”

Make Banks PAY for Housing Foreclosure Fiasco

It’ll never happen, of course. But there’s actually a bill in the California legislature that’s attempting to do this. The debate should be interesting. Can’t wait to hear what sort of talking points the banks’ legislative prostitutes will come up with.

Twenty percent of all of America’s foreclosures have been in California. In the past three years, 1.2 million California residents have lost their homes. And that number is expected to go above 2 million by the end of next year. More than one third of all California mortgages are under water. The resulting loss in property values will cost California $3.8 billion in lost property tax revenue.

Assemblyman Bob Blumenfield has introduced the Foreclosure Mitigation Fee (AB 935). This bill would establish a $20,000 fine on banks for each foreclosure.

This would raise $12 billion, which would go exclusively toward reimbursing local communities for their financial devastation.

The author of this article — Peter Dreier — says:

“Bankers pushed homeowners into high-cost loans they couldn't afford. They engaged in deceptive and often illegal activities, like not informing consumers that they qualified for conventional loans, tricking them into more costly and risky subprime mortgages. Wall Street banks bundled these risky loans into ‘mortgage backed securities’ that were given the seal-of-approval of ratings agencies (Moody's and Standard & Poor), and then sold them to foreign governments, pension funds and other unwitting investors.”

Personally I think this bill should be more of a scalpel than a bludgeon. Obviously some homeowners were foreclosed because of their own negligence and irresponsibility; and not all home loans were based on sleaze and trickery. I’d rather squeeze that $12 billion out of the bankers who were actually guilty of the above-mention practices. And the sleazebags who “streamlined” their foreclosure process — using robo-signers, “neglecting” to inform a homeowner that they were starting foreclosure proceedings on his/her home — should be fined heavily AND jailed.

It’s obvious why that will never happen, of course; and why this bill doesn’t stand a chance. Our entire government is owned and operated by Wall Street and a few other powerful industries.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Is America a Third World Country?

Froma Harrop talks about the differences between rich and poor countries.

“In poor countries, many people never see doctors…Rattletrap trains take two hours to go 70 miles. Visit the Third World, and you see a struggling middle class shoehorned between shanty-town poverty and a jet-setting plutocracy…What distinguishes poor from rich nations is that the latter invest in health care, education and transportation. They regulate what may go into the environment. These things don’t come for free. They are paid for with taxes…”

Hmmm…Investments in education, health care, infrastructure; regulations to protect the environment and public safety — paid for with taxes. [a wave of nostalgia] We were like that once. Are we still?

Let’s see: Crumbling infrastructure, safety net being cut to the marrow (and then cut some more), coupled with tax breaks for yacht owners.

We won’t be able to enforce airline safety regulations — let alone pass any new stricter rules — unless it’s OK with the airline pimps and their congressional prostitutes.

Froma Harrop’s column ends with:

“Public benefits are what divide a rich-country way of life from the threadbare alternative. Let’s assume that Americans want the blessings of the former.”

Monday, May 02, 2011

Sarah Palin Plunges into California’s Water Wars

There’s a popular saying, “the less you know about a problem, the easier the solution is.”

Enter Sarah Palin. Fights over water have been a huge part of California’s history. Farmers say they don’t get enough water to grow their crops. Others accuse farmers of wasting the water they get. Cities are demanding more water for their growing populations. And some people don’t want endangered species to go extinct “so people in L.A. can wash their cars.”

It’s a volatile issue; always has been. It's pretty tacky to deliberately stir shit up — figuratively throwing a lit match onto a pile of oily rags — by spewing out a few polarizing soundbites to a selected audience. But if you're a phony has-been who refuses to fade away, the urge must be overpowering.

In ultra-conservative central California, there's been a backlash against the 3-inch-long Delta Smelt, the latest endangered species to get in the way of Big Ag profits. Sarah Palin to the rescue:

“Three inches, that’s more than Todd ever A faceless government is taking away their lifeline, water, all because of a 3-inch fish. Where I come from, a 3-inch fish, we call that bait. There is no need to destroy people's lives over bait.”

Three Ways to Save Medicare

1. Allow Medicare to use its bulk purchasing power to negotiate with the pharmaceutical companies for lower prices. This wouldn’t cost a dime; and wouldn’t add a single faceless government bureaucrat to the process. This is strictly prohibited under G.W. Bush’s multi-billion-dollar giveaway to the drug industry. Eliminating this rule would save $156 billion.

2. Allow prescription drugs to be imported from Canada (among other countries). Again — strictly prohibited. Where are all those “Limited Government!” shouters when we need them? Eliminating this rule would save $80 billion.

3. Allow Medicare recipients to use their insurance outside of the United States. This would be a win-win for Medicare recipients, our overburdened doctors and hospitals, and taxpayers who would save $40 billion a year. Can’t blame Bush for this one: Obama recently dismissed this exact idea at a town hall meeting.

Unfortunately the Medical-Industrial Complex will never permit their well-paid prostitutes — i.e. Congress — to make any of these changes.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Michele Bachmann Honors the Holocaust Victims

But we’re talking about the Real Holocaust — America in 2011. A once-great nation has been brought to its knees by cumbersome government regulations that stifle the country’s most productive citizens. And these movers and shakers have to watch helplessly while their hard-earned wealth gets taken from them by faceless bureaucrats and redistributed to a bunch of worthless parasites.

But these tragic victims need not suffer in silence any longer. Michele Bachmann feels their pain.

During a speech in New Hampshire yesterday, Bachmann described America’s “loss of economic liberty” as a “flash point of history.” Future generations of Americans will ask their elders WHY they did NOTHING to stop that Mad Kenyan Muslim from turning America into a communist cesspool.

She alluded to a child in Germany asking her parents why they didn’t do anything to stop the Holocaust. And then she said:

“I tell you this story…only to say, we are seeing eclipsed in front of our eyes a similar death and a similar taking away. It is this disenfranchisement that I think we have to answer to.”

She said younger Americans will be paying up to 75% of their income in taxes. And these young people will be asking us what WE were doing:

“...while watching quite literally our economic liberty pulled out from under us. The question comes down to this: what will you say to that next generation about what you did to make sure that wouldn't be their fate?”

That does it!

Well, are we just gonna sit here and let this happen??? I say it’s time we all put on our George Washington costumes, grab a few misspelled signs and storm the White House!