Ukraine: the second failed invasion of Kremlin

Today, July 15, Russia had to treacherously attack the Ukraine. But it has not attacked, treacherously. Although the intelligence was complete. I personally read “Facebook” of Tymchuk’s helmet. The helmet told us that the concentration of Russian troops near the border with Ukraine reached critical proportions. A sniper works in forest plantations, who comes to work with a “motocross bike.” After each successful shot he laughs mockingly. That maniacal laughter literally freezes the blood in the veins of even the most seasoned fighters from territorial defense unit Ternopil.

In general, all signs of the invasion are there. Thousands of saboteurs. Naturally, from GRU of the Russia’s Defense Ministry. They showed their IDs to Tymchuk from afar so that he could copy the data. Moreover, the border patrol discovered unidentified troops of gunmen in flippers illegally crossing the Ukrainian-Russian border. They ferried across the river in the Sumy region, remove flippers and literally dissolve into the background areas. However, there is material evidence – the legendary canned meat from the plant in Mtsensk, which betrays Russian origins of the Donetsk Republic. The other day one such tin was demonstrated to the foreign diplomats as evidence of suicidal Russian presence in the heart of the “anti-terrorist operation”. Or in the liver of the same. I do not really understand the military terminology adopted by the “Informational resistance” group of Tymchuk. Diplomats carefully sniffed the used product. Some even licked. No one dared to suck. You never know … all those Russian saboteurs. They are treacherous.

Information about the invasion was confirmed by the driver Serge. He talked in the parking lot with a driver that drives a high rank of the SBU around. So, he told that his patron is scared shitless, packs things, evacuates family and burns secret documents in the toilet, bringing his wife to histerics. Everything smells of smoke. Even the cat hesitates to go in there. Here you are, there is evidence from two completely independent from intelligence sources, but the invasion still did not follow. What the …

Importantly, on the night of the 13th a Russian column crossed the border and almost invaded, but changed their mind at the last moment, because the Ukrainians raised their entire fighter aircraft fleet into the air. All three aircraft, one of which even flies. It is clear that such a display of military might deprived Russians of their morale. So they are stuck at the border, crossing, then pulling away again. I am not making this up, I am just quoting the official reports of the NSDC and speaking helmets. All legally and fairly.

Apparently, something thwarted the sinister plans of Putin. Although Andrew Paruby, that has a direct connection with the brain of Vladimir, somehow keeps a suspiciously long silence. He is not tearing down another plan, just playing dumb. It is strange. I would even say, paranormal. And in general, strange things happen that have extremely bad impact on the consciousness of patriotic hamsters, day after day leading grueling fights in social networks and posting “Putin’s …ck!” on their avatars, symbolizing the purity of their racial thoughts. Seemingly it all started out so well. In the morning, before breakfast and dump (sorry for the slang), “Facebook” of Peter Alekseevich happily reported that an armored column either took over Luhansk airport or got locked up there tight. In consequence, the victory is close at hand. Geletey already ran to the commander in chief in the headquarters and reported encouraging news. What the news precisely is he did not say. Kind of surprise, you know. Please the president and all that. And then – silence. People are worried. People read the page of the helmet, and there’s nothing. Where on earth is the development of the offensive, exciting details of the meeting with the vanguard civilians of Lugansk in embroidered shirts, hysterically waving Ukrainian flags and singing the anthem accompanied by the Song and Dance Ensemble?

Then, it all started to remind an animated film. NSDC, together with an information center of ATO inform that they lost communication with the aircraft AN-26, which fulfilled (naturally) exclusively humanitarian missions. Carrying humanitarian aid to orphans and widows, that kind of thing. They tried to phone directly to the plane, but no one picked up. While the eagles of Geletey established contact, youtube got a video of the aircraft being shot down. Patriots were especially shocked by comments of locals that expressed a clear view of the satisfaction at seeing three parachutes and one falling object. Meanwhile, all the structures and special services tried to figure out what happened. The wreckage of the aircraft became a sightseeing and photography spot, while the most shrewd types tried to figure how you can use a piece of yonder “alumin”.

Anyway, they lost connection. After incredible, almost heroic efforts, the “Information resistance” has learned that the plane was shot down and burned near a cowshed. Again, the Minister of Defense decided to report personally to the commander in chief. He took the pen with the cap tightly welded, secret intelligence from the Internet and went off. Very clearly, like a real cop, i.e. a real military, he reported that the plane was almost in the stratosphere, slicing the space-time continuum. Pilots enjoyed the view of the starry sky and the importance of the mission entrusted to them. They were either six or eight, or something. It could not be determined accurately. When suddenly – BAM, SHLAMM! It is quite clear that the fire was from the Russian side with the newest weapon capable to get to space. Or alternatively, an unidentified aircraft penetrated treacherously the airspace of Ukraine, stole unnoticed upon the Ukrainian aircraft and fired an “air-air” missile almost at point blank range, bitch. In general, Geletey tried to whitewash the terrorists and separatists the best he could. The important thing is that the communication with pilots of the aircraft was established. Now they are being looked for. In that order. Connection established, but they do not know how many they are and where they are. Either four or six turned up in captivity, and two are awaiting rescue operation. Therefore, they are in safe hands.

Commander in chief, to his credit, has carefully analyzed the provided data. And he made a strategic army withdrawal of tactical nature. He announced, “we must narrow the area of the special operation, and on the border, on the contrary, to extend.” All around were delighted, began to shout that this is the solution that is needed at the moment, who needs that martial law, and “Putin – … ck!”. Therefore, despite the loss of three or four aircraft and the presence of an anti-aircraft missile complex “Buk-M” in militia’s hands, everything is going according to the plan. Tasks are performed, tanks are burning and the fighting spirit, on the contrary, is growing. The only thing that overshadows the celebration is Merkel. The Ukrainian community patriots unanimously decided that she is dancing to the tune of Putin and calls for negotiations with terrorists, separatists and other ghoulish figures. Angela, which until recently was considered a best friend of “Maydan” in general and Vitali Klitschko in particular, turned out to be Ribbentrop. They decided to punish her ​​terribly. So that other leaders of the Western world will think twice before following her example. At the moment the best minds from all around Ukraine’s online dumps without exception are struggling with the solution to this problem.

The confidence in the invasion of Russian troops is growing and growing. This is bad news. And finally, the good news: friendly NATO Ukrainian specialists provided full access to military satellites of the last generation. Now owners of iPads can install an application that provides precise up to one meter location for prostitutes on Brovarskoy Avenue and save tons of gasoline! Moreover, America has promised to deliver several hundred decommissioned helicopter “Super Cobra” into the “anti-terrorist operation zone”. Wait. Or was it “Super Viper”? I’m no expert. Advertisements for sales of second-hand helicopters are popping up all around the Internet. Prices seem quite reasonable. Barter for food is possible.