Where Do Your Children Sleep?

I came across an article about a book called “Where Children Sleep” by James Mollison that compares children’s rooms from all over the world. The purpose of the book is to highlight the differences between children who live in different financial situations. The images are beautiful. In the book Mollison photographs the rooms and then the children in front of a neutral background. He says “My thinking was that the bedroom pictures would be inscribed with the children’s material and cultural circumstances while the children themselves would appear in the set of portraits as individuals as equals”

This is an image of a girl from Tokyo and her room.

This is of a bedouin boy from the West Bank.

The book got me thinking whether I would show it to my children. and I thought how young is too young to talk to children about poverty? Is there a specific age? or does it all just depend on the personality?

I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old (I also have a 1-year-old but our communication consists of blowing kisses to each other and screaming “UM UM UM UM UMMMMM” when he wants to eat) I remember a few years ago when my eldest was 5 and he saw a homeless man outside of the house we were renting in London and he said “Does that man sleep there always? Doesn’t he get cold? Does he have a family? Why doesn’t he have shoes?” And I said, no he doesn’t, he’s poor but he does have somewhere to sleep, he will go home soon. The homeless man never actually came back and slept there.

I lied to him because I know my son, he would have been up all night worrying about the man, he would have been heart-broken. And I felt that it is too soon for him to know that some people live horrible terrible lives full of sadness and fear.

Being back home now both S and J know there are poor people and that we have to give poor people and help them. They know this because that is the society we live in. It is an integral part of our religion to give to the poor and help them in some way. So when my children grow out of their shoes, or when they get too many toys on a birthday they know it is going to someone who needs it.

Although the other day J’s nanny asked if she could have a pair of shoes J grew out of for her niece and J got very upset because her nanny isn’t poor so shouldn’t take the shoes. J kept asking her “Are you poor? You’re not poor! You can’t have the shoes”. That’s a far cry from when she refused to donate some coloring pencils that were heading to a school in Kenya because “why don’t they go buy some for themselves”. We will find a middle ground one day.

But I do not think they actually understand that there are people out there who do not have a roof over their head. That there are children their age who do not have breakfast lunch and dinner every day like they do and that they have probably never played with a proper toy. So what is an appropriate age to show them a book like this? Will it make them feel guilty for having things those children don’t? Will it make them worry and stay up? Will it make them appreciate things more? will it not make any difference? Will J look at the pink room full of toys and scream “I WANT SOME!” (Please please don’t let that be her reaction)

We all say it, if they don’t take care of their things for example, we say “there are people out there who would kill for ——” or “I don’t care if you don’t like what’s for dinner there are children out there who can’t have any dinner” But does the concept sink in? and should it sink in now?

Also, how do we react to people who are begging in the street? Do our children see our reactions? Outside some department stores here sometimes there are little children or mothers with children who ask for money. S gets very upset if I don’t let him give them something. It is difficult to explain to them the idea that the children might not actually keep the money, some of the mothers might not actually need to be doing this. To explain that it is better to give to charities and foundations that help them and not give them directly.

A woman I know took her 7-year-old son with her on a trip she makes with some friends of hers to give blankets, clothes, pillows etc to families who live in a poor area of Riyadh. They left just before dusk and arrived at night. When the children of the neighborhood saw the van coming they all ran to it and were banging on the windows and trying to open the doors and shouting and screaming. The boy was so scared he started crying. I then over heard him saying to S “You know the “Masakeen”? (poor people in arabic). Never go to them! They are scary and they bang on the doors and windows! I never want to go to the masakeen.” Not the reaction his mother wanted, poor boy.

We are lucky because giving is so much a part of our lives here. But I still want my children to know why they are giving, who they are giving to and that there are more ways to give than just money and clothing. I am looking forward to buying the book and will tell you if I am going to show it to both my kids, to only the eldest or to none. Do you speak to your children about poverty? What age did you start? and how much detail did you go into?

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3 comments

I came to your blog via Noor’s (Little Pink Strawberries). MashaAllah you have a wonderful way of writing.

This looks like an excellent book to get…a great way to show our children how some children have and some have not. My three youngest children are 13, 10, and almost 6. I would definitely be able to show it to my 13 and 10 yo and they would understand. My 6yo I don’t think would completely grasp the concept of this child is poor and this one isn’t. If she saw the little Japanese girl with her dress and her closet she would most likely be concentrating on “I want that!”

But then, each child has their own maturity level. (I guess that is the right phrase to use?) I know that when my son was 7yo, I could talk to him about these things and he would understand about poverty and people’s different living situations. While my 10yo daughter when she was that age would not have fully understood.

I started talking to my children about poverty when they were little. That is part of Islam when you teach them about giving to the poor. I think it just comes naturally if you are a Muslim parent teaching their children about Islam ♥ and it is a hands-on , all the time experience when you include them in sorting out their things to give away and food you prepare and money you give as sadaqah, InshaAllah. I don’t think that it is ever too young to teach them YKWIM?

LOL, I just wrote on and on didn’t I?!?! You have a lovely blog, MashaAllah. I will be back to visit, InshaAllah

We talk about poverty, but our children don’t see beggars or homeless people – so it’s abstract for them. They know we give their old clothes away and sometimes extra toys, but they don’t really have any concept of what it means to have nothing. I don’t know if I’d buy the book. I think when the childern travel and see for themselves as young adults they will be ready, and be able to understand.

Great post. That book looks very interesting. I don’t remember when I became conscious of these things. It must be a gradual process. The children’s reactions point out the flaws in society, areas where we need to change, i.e. share more, not practice deception…

Hello from Mama B

Hi! I'm Bessma and this is my little blog. I started it 2010 as a place to think out loud about parenting 3 Arab Muslim children in this day and age. It has since developed into a more informed thinking out loud about parenting 5 Arab Muslim children in this day and age.