Ah, dating. Ah, relationships. Is this or is this not one of the biggest reasons people come into counseling? For sure it's one of the biggest things people talk about in counseling. We're social animals. Our relationships are very important to us. It matters.

The age of online dating has both created and presented a whole host of unique problems for dating and relationships. For one thing, there are a lot of shady and unsuitable people out there on online dating sites. It takes a ton of time and effort and often there's nothing to show for it at the end of all those efforts. It's easy to become discouraged or to think there's no one out there for you. I've been through it myself. The last time I attempted online dating I became so discouraged after only six weeks that, despite my resolve to stick it out for six months, I bailed on the whole thing. I do think it's possible to find love online, but you have to have the time and energy and sheer will to wade through all of the deception and time wasting that goes on in that medium.

Personally, having found much more success in love offline than online, I think about how we can work on making ourselves more desirable partners. Are we kind? Are we patient? Are we agreeable? Are we people who are easy enough to get along with that someone would want to spend more time with us? I find that this applies to both men and women. In order to be dateable and relatable, you have to be some balance of both interesting and easy to get along with, and that's not always an easy task. We all get set in our ways or are unaware of habits or attitudes that we possess that can hide our strong points.

Some people are better daters. Some people are better relaters. How do you find the person who wants what you want? How do you assess character, history, compatibility, all those key things? You don't want a Mean Person. You don't want to be codependent. You might be an Alpha or Alphette who needs particular things. And then there are all the less usual models: polyamory, open relationships, friends with benefits...