Thursday, March 29, 2012

Whether pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral, gross or subtle, every sensation shares the same characteristic: it arises and passes away, arises and passes away. It is this arising and passing that we have to experience through practice, not just accept because intellectually it seems logical enough to us. We must experience sensation’s nature, understand its flux, and learn not to react to it. (something I copied in the past and found among my papers)

A week of pleasant, unpleasant, health and not feeling the best.
A week of not rushing for phone or responding to the computer's calling.
It helps to turn them both off - found it difficult with the computer.
A week of searching, meditation, prayer and trying to just be.
A week of realizing there is much I do not understand, never will and just accept.

A week of tears, smiles, blessings and once again realizing that life is good and
I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

As I practiced yoga this morning and looked out my back glass door I could see the reflection of the front field, tree in front and shadows that was reflected from the glass front door. What an unusual image.

Happiness, Health, Safety, and Peaceful wishes
for me, my family and all who visit this space.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

My granddaughter
Sarah
shared some pictures of New York
she made with her new camera.

Certainly a different view

then what I see here in the woods...

Sunset in Thailand
reminds me of another world
for a member of my family.

Some of the family are gardening in Michigan,
walking in the city park, one couple enjoying
a wonderful home in Tampa, one mom stays
busy with two little ones, a young man busy
with baby Bear and another has a busy life
in New York.

All of my family see something different as
their days unfold.

I was just told that corn will be planted in the front
field as soon as it dries out. Never thought I
would like having corn growing in front of my cottage
and the garden and woods in back.
I kind of liked it.

One of my favorite past views
was this Japanese Cherry tree.
One of the first I planted for my
new home and it did not make it.

Now the best part
look at all the attention Little Bear
is getting in Nashville

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Early this morning headed for small town
errands
First stop a plant left off for a special friend,
next post office to mail my youngest something.
Less tiring and expensive to let the postal service do it.
On to the drugstore for prescription refill
and picked up several cards. I still like to send cards
in the mail and receive them.
Next the bank and then on to Walmart and last Aldi's

Goal was every 2 weeks but cannot seem to accomplish.
It had been 7 days,
but really need to get out around civilization..

Noticed the price of fertilizer has really gone up.
Also it is very evident that the size of almost
everything is smaller with increased prices.

I have stopped almost entirely eating out on
the day I run errands. Not the best of food at
the local eating places and I like my food better.
It is more nutritious and much better on my budget.

I now stop at Dunkin Donuts. Our new place
in town. Have a small Carmel latte, put in a larger
cup with lots of whip cream and also purchase
1/2 dozen of their miniature jelly donuts.

It is good to sit at the table and relax for a moment
before I head home.

Noticed on the table today's Wall Street Journal,
New York Times and US Today. I inquired if
it was delivered to them (aware they do not sell
them in this small town), the young lady replied
no that someone always brings them in and reads
and leaves them - she said take them if you want
to. I did take part of the New York Times.

One new thing about me as I age - is the boldness
that has come about. I kind of like it. In the
past more shy of nature (at times).

Sent to me several days ago - in my overloaded state
from far over the ocean.
The words were welcome and needed.

" ......I have learned to know my limit, learned to say no and to withdraw to my hermitage to have time for walking meditation, my sitting, my time with the garden, with the flowers and things like that. I have not used the telephone for the last 25 years. "

" ......you cannot continue to be a help to other people if you do not take care of yourself. Your solidity, your freedom, your happiness, are crucial for other people. Taking good care of yourself is crucial. I have learned to protect myself."

~~~~Thich Nhat Hanh~~~~

How I wish I could accomplish what these words reveal.
But I am better, just not where I want to be.
Would be nice not to answer the ringing telephone....

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

An early morning walk and ride on tractor through the woods.
Amazed how all of nature is beginning a show.
Look at my lilac bush and a first Spring siting.
The beginning of a carpet of flowers on the floor of the woods.
Looking out over the woods there is a hint of green everywhere
as the leaves begin to surface.
The first toad I have seen - is under my snowball bush.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Several have asked what is happening with Little Bear?
My heart kept telling me you cannot take on this little one and
the mind kept saying - oh you can do it.

It has taken me many years to learn
not to believe everything your mind tells you....

Requiring so much attention, already a full schedule and
after 3 sleepless nights - a decision was made.

Sunday a visit from my grandson and his girlfriend
and like everyone they fell under Little Bear's spell.
They left and after another sleepless night early in
the morning I made a
call to the Animal Shelter in my near by small town.

I was so emotional and crying that the lady on the phone
told me they would come and pick up the puppy
and they usually do not do this. She was kind and
understood everything I shared.

A number of people were contacted to see if they
wanted this little one - no one did
Over and over in my mind - I could have drove on home.
But I could not. The little dog covered with ticks and
from the food and water gulped down must have
been by himself for several days. So I saved it
and felt so guilty about not feeling I could give it the
attention that it needed.

So the truck pulled up and two normally friendly dogs,
my Callie and the puppy with tails tucked between
their legs hid under a bench.

They just knew something was going to happen.
The big man picked up the puppy and for 24 hours Callie
acted so sad.

Thinking all is settled and Callie and I will heal
and go on with our lives -
but then
early this morning
an email arrived from my grandson informing
me that he wanted Bear and the boys who live in a big
old home near the university with him will help my
grandson take care of puppy and he is on the way
to Woodhaven to pick him up.

I sadly shared what I had done and that he was no longer
here but I would quickly call
the shelter and was told it was fine for him to come
and pick up Little Bear - but - now there was
a $90 adoption fee.

This did not matter to my grandson - so Little Bear
is in Nashville with 5 or 6 - 22 year old young men.

I gave instruction on how to feed and he will
to be watched and restricted in the big city.
They have a big fenced yard and a crate
and all so excited about having Bear.
Also in several months surgery will have to be performed
and some shots required.

Now how this will end I do not know.
The young men graduate the end of May.
My grandson has several options for his
immediate future.

Plus there is the mom and dad question.
They may not want a puppy in their home.

At the moment this little one has lots of
attention and will be loved.

Nothing is permanent and who knows
maybe I will feel different several months
from now.

Just wanted to share what is happening
to the little puppy that One Woman

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Returning from errands yesterday
and I am tired of leaving the woods
and running errands...
Winding down my country road
in my much loved old pickup,
a little puppy in the middle of the road.
Why did I stop?
Immediately he almost jumped in my arms.
So....
down the road we continued home.
Puppy in my lap
crying and looking at me like
I am Mother Teresa.
Arriving home it seemed Callie immediately
liked our visitor or new occupant.

It evidently had been dropped off a day or
two.
Gulped down 2 bowls of dog food and
drank 2 bowls of water.
Thought I would secure on deck
but it crawls through the slats and
also out of dog pen.
I know "if I keep" in a few weeks this
will be no problem as it looks to me
like it will be a big dog.

So, I really have more then I can now
take care of - and am aware if I were
not so fussy or a compulsive doer
all would be fine. Some more facts
I am getting old or as my youngest
granddaughter tells me "grandma you are already old."
Also some health issues, budget and do I really want
another dog?
Heart smiles - mind says - think on this.
Callie says "I would like the company"

I pulled 20 ticks off the little one
put peroxide on him and hoped
my itching during the night was imagination of
this matriarch having ticks crawling
all over her.

Up since 3:30 checking on the little one
which cries and wags her tail when I appear.

Crossing the yard I came across
another visitor. Sure hope it was
a chicken snake

Will see what the day brings.

Children and grandchildren seem to
be excited about this little one
but they are not here to help.

Also thought if I just called it puppy
We were not bonded

But now calling it "Little Bear"

My grandson who attends the University in Nashville wrote me.
He is visiting soon and bringing his girlfriend Missy.
Wants to see our new visitor and is bringing some dog food and a toy.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Rain and thunderstorms predicted
sun brightly shining.
Did not sleep well last night
but the lettuce seeds, cilantro,
parsley and dill
are calling me to put
them in the ground.

I pick up my 50 year old hoe
that "no one" is allowed to use
but me. This hoe and I share
many memories...

Cilantro and parsley in their
pot from last year.
Dill sprinkled on the ground
and a few lettuce plants are
in the small square foot garden
along with onion sets and mixed
lettuce seeds. The Egyptian onions
have returned from experiment
last Spring.

So pleased my hollyhock that seeds
originally came from daughter when
she lived in Massachusetts - like
their new home in the country.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A busy day with errands
I wanted to stay home.
Weather is unusually warm for March
Flowers coming out of the earth
are reaching for the warmth
of the sun, small bushes and trees
are popping with buds
flowering trees
opening their blooms.
All of nature seems to be in a hurry
almost a frenzy,
has Spring arrived?

Even the birds seem excited about
this unusual early warmth.

Another 80 degree day is arriving
and my heart is beating rapidly
there is so much I want to do.
Outside chores, inside chores and
a part of this matriarch just wants
to sit and watch the show and
stroll the paths in the woods.

Would that be lazy?
I have never been lazy.
It may be too late
in this lifetime and then
maybe not..

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Time is going by too fast
Seems like yesterday you were born
I could go on and on about how
special you are to me.
But will only say
"Happy Birthday" to my
"baby girl"
wonder how long I will
call you that?
Probably forever.....

Thursday, March 8, 2012

So tired last night
after working outside all day
Did not sleep well and wish
I was better at pacing myself
and
not so sensitive to the
fact that 1/2 the family was far
away and my younger daughter
and family flying in last night.

How in the world do I have
so many vegetables in my frig?
Cauliflower, collard greens, spinach
and an eggplant along with
celery, carrots and onions.

I made cauliflower soup.
The same way as potato
with onion, celery, carrots
and garlic.
Cook until done and then
use the blender on half
an addition of chicken broth,
milk or cream.

Cooked the collard greens
and put some on the soup
along with shredded cheese
chopped bacon and a dollop
of sour cream.
1/2 recipe of my favorite
corn bread'
made it complete.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A busy day
They are all emerging
cuttings of plants
I have moved from home to home.
Even see the pink tips of the peonies
pushing through the earth.

Worked in gardens until about
30 minutes ago.
Lovingly cleaned around plants,
smiled as I remembered stories of each one.
Most of them have names of the people
who gave them to me.
Spread some of my mulch and moved
a few plants. Prepared a large pot
for my Cilantro. Did not do well last
year but I am bound and determined
for it to grow in abundance this year.
Sage, Rosemary, Parsley and Thyme
flourished all winter.

Also cleaned in area on road by
mailbox where I have some plants.

Was so nice to warm up quiche for lunch,
It was joined with some slices of carrots,
cucumber, celery. olives and a few chips.
My fruit tea and some zucchini
bread that finished the last from the freezer
from my garden last Fall.

At last sat in my favorite old rocking chair
on the small terrace with camera.
The birds were flying everywhere
they were noisy and seemed to be
saying "Spring is almost here."
Birds I am just too tired to identify
but did see a blue bird, robin and
floor of garden had a few doves.

Hoped so for some good images

I saw a butterfly. Not close enough
to identify.

It was difficult to come inside. Callie
is now sleeping on a rug at the back door
and I look like a true woods women.
Dirt under nails, on clothes, I may be
super weary and dirty but I am smiling.

The section of a hollow log that held
the baby squirrels was empty this morning.
All the leaves and straw on the ground
and no sight of the babies. I am hoping
that the mama moved them.

Wherever you are my special friends
and family---have a good evening
and know you are all special to
this One Woman who lives at the
edge of the woods.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Errands this morning
bags of mulch and grass seed
in back of pickup
along with trash to be dropped off.
Seat beside me was filled
with groceries and a cup of
special latte from Dunkin Donuts.
This little place is new in my small
town and every couple of weeks
will treat myself to their special.

So this spinach bacon quiche was mixed up
and I have to
say
"it was a winner"

I always change recipes
so my change was I did not use the
whole 9 ounce bag of spinach,
used about 3/4 of a bag.
Also the only cheese on hand
was Colby - so used this.
Next time I make, going to
add some fresh mushrooms....

Monday, March 5, 2012

There everywhere
going and coming.....
Fun time at Disneyland,
arriving from Jamaica,
beginning a cruise,
may be end of college time
and even boot on ankle
did not keep him from going.
Walking the dog
in another state,
another seeking wisdom regarding
her future
and it is evening in his part of the world.
One more beginning a new career opportunity
will work from home and
another in a Northern state

and wonder what is going on....

The matriarch
was up at 4:00 to check
the howling wind
Callie did not even want to go out

Prayers finished and
zucchini bread in the oven

Meditation time,
breakfast and
hopefully tree boy arrives.
I always refer to them as a boy
until after 30. With the wind he
may delay a day.

Another day begins
and I am so happy that
no one wonders where
I am.

This little home is where
I want to be.
The busyness of the world
I want no part of.
It is busy enough here in
the woods for me....

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The moles are tunneling everywhere
in my small yard and in the crop field.
Not through my flower garden
thank goodness.
Wonder if their abundance
has any special significance?
Callie has turned out to be
a good mole dog..

Under the leaves, under
the first loose
levels of earth
they're there - quick
as beetles, blind
as bats, shy
as hares but seen
less than these -

Field after field
you can see the traceries
of their long
lonely walks, then
rains blur
even this frail
hint of them
so excitable,
so plush,
so willing to continue
generation after generation
accomplishing nothing
but their brief physical lives
as they live and die,
pushing and shoving
with their stubborn muzzles against
the whole earth,
finding it
delicious...

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I did not sleep well last night
Shared with some of my children.
Several thought it was odd
that their mother who has been
very independent her whole life
would let a tree that fell close to
the house upset her.
There have been many issues in
her lifetime that would have
justified sleepless nights
but not this tree...
Maybe it was not just the tree,
guess it was just having no one
here to help with some of events
to have it cleaned up.
Has not been for many years
so why now?
Why - Do Not Know Why
in the past this probably would
not have phased me
Might be I am older now or
maybe because of surgery
a short time ago or maybe because
I just went off a low dose of prednesone
for my severe inflammation problem.
I really do not know why.
I do know that it seemed I wanted
a hug, for someone to be concerned
over me.
Strange for this one to have felt
such a deep need for this.'
But guess what
a neighbor with a beautiful soul
stopped in a minute ago.
Her father years ago use to help
me with my lawnmower and her
young son's use to help me with
yard chores many years ago.
She told me if I needed anything to
please call her
and when she left
she hugged me.
Then dear "Sky" who comments
on most I write - called early this
morning. I was in the yard with
wood cleanup man and land line
was in my pocket.
She said "this is Sky, are you alright"
Her call was a blessing even though
I could only say a few words because
of someone being here.

Emotions are strange
Needs and deeds put to rest
can surface in our mind
when least expected.

This incidence proved to me
that I have not grown as far
as I thought I had....

Friday, March 2, 2012

A few moments ago
I looked out the kitchen window
am I seeing things
what is that in the side yard?

How could something this big
fall this close to my home and I not hear it?
I only have heard the wind
for several hours.

So fortunate
the way it fell
Did not hit another tree

Or my cottage
or me in the yard...

Must be at least 80 feet long from roots to end of branches.
I will have someone remove the top with branches and
leave the long large log part and the roots.
Something to talk about when family visit.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Early this morning brought my old fern out of garage and placed on screen porch.
Winter so mild I probably could have left it on the porch.

A trip to dentist this morning.
Looked in the mirror yesterday
and one front tooth was blue.
Then I remembered blue berries
on my cereal that morning.
Was told that tooth was porous
so it was cleaned and bonding sealed the porous area.
I asked if I was the only person this had ever happened to
he told me "no"
With everything else that is happening on the journey
through this aging process
I did not want a blue front tooth.
A beautiful day and even rode my lawn tractor through
part of the woods.
Lucky I saw the wet path up ahead and was able to turn
around.
Sure did not need to get stuck in the mud..

Last summer my son put this statue on a log in the woods. I discovered on my ride through the wood that he is now reclining on a
beautiful moss covered log that almost looks like a rug....
Reason it is in the middle of the woods - was discovered that something was gnawing away inside -
some little insect from who knows where - so he belongs outside surrounded by nature and not in my
storage room :) Looks mighty comfortable.

About Me

This Journal is being written for my pleasure, my children and my grandchildren. Sharing some of my past, present and thoughts for future. It is the Journal of a sensitive soul who has entered her 8th decade. My life journey has taken me down a lot of roads with many twists and turns. It's not the journey that I would have visualized at the age of 25 when a third child was on the horizon. I love the warmth of the sun, sound of rain, a crackling fire, simplicity and elegance. Find pleasure in sitting on my porch with tea in a china cup and digging in the earth. I am more myself at this time of life than ever before. A considerable part of my past was in the business world, multi tasking and being super organized. Today I am trying to simplify and be more mindful. Also learning about this journey through aging and Sjogren's Syndrome.
It is not as easy as I thought, even though I have a lot of solitude at this time of life. My days fly by and I do not think I have enough time left on earth to do and experience all that is the desire of my heart.
One thing I am sure of is that I could not make it on this journey without my daily prayer and meditating time.