Director David DeCoteau’s 1993 release Beach Babes From Beyond was a harmless, softcore skinflick which didn’t take itself seriously and definitely relished its B-movie status as a vehicle for lots of boobs and the relatives of numerous big Hollywood stars within its ancillary cast, including Joe Estevez, Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and Jackie Stallone.

Sure, it was a terrible movie, but the original Beach Babes was the sort of harmless, late night fun all of us expect to air on the Cinemax channel during the wee hours of the morning. DeCoteau’s sequel, however, is a whole other animal; a dire release which doesn’t even muster up the fast ‘n loose fun of its predecessor, instead serving as a head-on-desk inducing endurance test throughout its merciless eighty minute running time.

Beach Babes alum Sarah Bellomo returns as Xena, one of three extraterrestrial travelers who once again crash land upon unknown territory, losing their clothes and inhibitions as these titular “beach babes” engage in scene after softcore sex scene with the planet’s greased up, muscled male populous. The main problem here is that, without the aforementioned ancillary cast to beef up the story, what the audience is then forced to endure is the “acting” of the primary cast, none of whom were hired for skills other than their ability to get nude and gesticulate sexually to bad Casio lounge music and easy listening.

Sure, the three leads–rounded out by Tina Hollimon as Sola and Stephanie Hudson as Luna–are attractive and surgically enhanced enough to fill out their cave bikinis with the required specifications to this sort of film, but the actual sex scenes are repetitive, mechanical and severely lacking in any sort of spice or erotic heat. This is clearly a job for all involved and the lack of humor in the film shows in its dreadful and passionless presentation.

This isn’t even a “grindhouse” film, but rather another shitty direct-to-video release from Charles Band’s Full Moon empire which clogged shelves and storage spaces in the late nineties, and, for some reason, continues to haunt movie fans so many years later.

The DVD:

88 Films presents Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island in a clear, grit-free video print from its original days languishing in the back rooms of video stores across the country. Both the unrated and R rated versions are available for viewing, the latter of which contains marginally more explicit footage of fake oral sex than the R rated version. Still, there’s nothing here which would even raise an eyebrow when compared to any of the countless softcore flicks flooding the market. Extras are limited only to a trailer show, leaving Beach Babes 2 with a bare bones presentation from 88 Films.