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Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sunday Stroke Survival~ Skiing! Yep, That's Me.

I've made more confessions on this blog of late than a Catholic makes in church...well, maybe not a good Catholic. Here's another one. I haven't been snow or water skiing in decades. Woah! That feels better to have gotten that off my chest.

To be honest, I wasn't exactly good at either one. Remember I'm a nerd. I prefer books and the search of knowledgeable enrichment over physical. It's not even that I'm anti-jock because I was one of those too at one time in swimming, field hockey, soccer, and even golf. Skiing requires balancing on one or two sticks of wood. You skimmed surfaces, supposedly, but I always sank. The same was true with skating both roller and ice. I'd always end up on my butt taking many helpless victims with me. I learned young that you have to pick your battles if you ever dream of winning. That's not to mean I didn't do it, I did. But I didn't excel at it.

I prefer to ski through life---Screech!

You: Wait a minute! I've read your blog for a while now. It doesn't sound like you're skiing through anything, but hitting every wake or tree as you do it.Me: Well I do prefer skiing through life. A girl can dream, can't she?

Well I can, can't I? I can glide gracefully through this life only scratching the surface of water or snow. Skiing isn't without some hazards. I've hit a few trees along the way. Er, um, maybe more than a few, but I got back up.

That's the whole point isn't it? That I got back up and kept trying? Well, so I didn't choose to perfect my water and snow skiing abilities. I had other areas which I did. I couldn't be perfect at everything. Living is about choices and living with the choices you make. Yes, I had a fun summer and a winter vacation trying to ski without falling, but it was a take it or leave it situation and a tiny piece of my life.

My stroke recovery is a whole 'nother situation. My stroke devastated my life and tore so many holes through my professions that it will take time to heal and mend. Even with the small strokes I had. It's a good thing I know how to sew and darn holes because there are a hundred little holes or gaps that my strokes took from me. Even if I didn't know how to sew or darn, I think I would learn how real quick. It's not like you can easily replace your body like you can a pair of holey socks.

I want my old body back with all its previously impaired functions. I was comfortable, for the most part, in it. I had four functioning limbs that weren't spastic. I could pull words in an instant from thin air when appropriate. I had control over my emotions and a hundred other things now gone. Yes, I've recovered quite a bit over the last two and a half years, but I want more! I want to reach the 25%, 50%, or even 100% recovery and am willing to work hard for it. Sound familiar? Really? Are you in the same place too?

Bell Mountain, CO

Yes, I can dream of skiing through the rest of my life. It would be beautiful.That's my goal. I've seen how the other 1/3 live and want to move on. But the truth is, I'm still stuck here on this mountain side looking down on a forest of trees between me and thee finish line at the bottom of the mountain. Skiing down this mountain will be treacherous and fraught with frustrations along the way. Trees will try to block my path. I will either skirt them or hit them. If I kiss a tree full face, I'll pick myself up and continue on.

I remember straddling a tree once when xc skiing down an open hill once, luckily at the time I had two good hands so I could stop without splitting my head open. Now I never go down hills unless there are groomed tracks.