Archivo mensual: septiembre 2012

The first semi did things quite good. I mean, all the nonqualifiers, or nearly all, didn’t have final quality, so I was quite content with the results. Here, on the other hand…

We start with Zeljko and Kaliopi. Allthe Balkans but Greece, Montenegro and Albania play in this semi, so we shouldn’t be surprised that they pass.

Joan Franka had, hands down, one of the best songs of the semi and she didn’t pass. Even if the delivery was far from perfect and the dress was an exageration, she. SHOULD. HAVE. PASSED. Justice is crying.

Then it comes Malta which surprised me quite dearly by earning their pass, and then Belarus, with a staging far better than Switzerland and Hungary, but with the same generic bland rock song. Seriously, I can barelly tell those songs apart.

Portugal has the best backgroun since LEDS were invented and a terrific song. The camerawork could be better and she had a minor slip at the beginning, but we know the main failure of this was not being Balkan. Or Soviet, because Gaitana passes with something far, far worse.

Bulgaria spent all their money on fireworks and couldn’t rent dancers, so Sofi Marinova spends three minutes parading alone onstage, with a huge boxing belt holding her breasts in place. I’m not sure if they qualify as Balkan, but for sure they didn’t get Balkan love.

Slovenia was better than expected, but still I can’t forgive them for not sending A Si Sanjal Me, so.. sorry.

What? Croatia didn’t pass either? I mean, yes, she was wearing the most horrible dress of the year, but in a five Balkan semi (six, if we count Bulgaria) I’m amazed she didn’t qualify. Even if she deserves it for not bringing the veil.

Sweden qualifies, of course, and of course, Georgia doesnt. They actually did a good job with a deliciously camp staging and a suit I would like to wear, but nothing, NOTHING, can save a song when it is this bad.

Turkey passes (duh!) and Estonia passes (yay!), but Slovakia is.. well… Slovakia, so they stay on the semi with a song that would give Turkey a top six. Max might be rocking the stage, I don’t know. All I know is he has a great torso and a nice butt.

Then they come Norway, Bosnia and Lithuania, and all of them pass.

Azerbaijan is so much of a diva that they got the winners of five years to do an interval on a SEMIFINAL. What they didn’t know is that for an interval the winners meant “drunk karaoke”. Dima at his gayest, Lena at her creepiest, Marija at her butchiest, random Alexander and Ell and Nikki who clearly haven’t seen each other since they won and didn’t care. For Waterloo, Dima either sings so bad that they cut his micro, or he was thinking nobody would notice we wasn’t even attempting shit. Extra points to Zeljko not singing along to Molitva and smiling patronisingly, while Kalilopi goes full force on it. And Tooji happy like a puppy with Fairytale was the cutest thing ever.

This is only a first semi review, which means only non qualifiers are shown. Aaaaanddd… here we go.

Since we’re only getting started, what a worse choice could we make than Rambo Amadeus from Montenegro, dressed like a cheap Nazgul? Seriously, they came back for this? I know he thinks he’s making a point, but seriously.

Then we have Iceland, who did their best to ruin ther song, and Greece who didn’t even need to do their best.

Dear Anmary, why did you replace your cowgirls with flight attendants? Why do you shake your boobs at us? And why…? Weirdweirdweird… you improved a lot since Eirodziesma, girl, but still I’m glad you didn’t qualify. Sorry. The problem isn’t you, or your dress (dazzling, baby!), but your horrible, lame, horrible song. You’re a wasted diva.

Then we have the least and the most danceworthy songs of the pack, one after the other, and then it’s time for Switzerland. It’s all a chain of swimagansteseem and unbreakable that, honestly, is really boring. I don’t get how can somebody call it a gem.

Belgium at least tried to build an atmosphere. Not saying I love her, but it’s a nice effort for a barely out of Junior Eurovision girl. Still, it’s quite forgettable, but not bad bad, just… plain.

Finland is maybe just as plain, but quite better done. Pernilla knows how to stand under a spotlight, can deliver a subtle and underhanded folk, and I’m pretty sure whe would have qualified had she worn a full length dress. But you can’t have everything. The only nonqualifier that I think was clearly good enough to deserve a spot in the final.

I’ll have two of whatever the guys from Israel had. Bouncing clocks, weird faces, random camerawork and the guys from the catwalk really whould jump in every performance of the contest. Not sure if they should have qualified, though.

San Marino, on the other had, is the only non qualifier that I think was bad enough to deserve a spot in the final, but I would’ven’t minded a little more open trolling. Still, I’m mad at Europe for not voting this.

Time for Cyprus, whom I glad they passed, Denmark that should have staid instead of Finland, Russia just because what the fuck, Switze… sorry, Hungary, and…

The last nonqualifier is Austria, which fullfilled all my expectatives. Too bad that I only expected the worst from them. Saying more would be painful.

The last two songs are weird-but-enjoyable-as-always Moldova, and weird-and-not-at-all-enjoyable Ireland. I’m actually surprised that most of the songs I loathed managed to stay on the semifinal, and most of my favorites passed. Thanks, Europe. But I’m still mad at you for not passing San Marino.

The interval acts was a truckload of drums and Azeri tapdancing, with more drums on the second half and some shots of Jedward headbanging and Eleftheria doing the sirtaki. I swear it’s more interesting than it sounds.