Portland, OR - (Jan 27) -
Reliable sources at Lewis and Clark University in
Portland, Oregon, have informed The Washington
Pissed that, in 1993, then psychology major
Monica Lewinsky underwent a semester-long mind
control experiment as part of a seminar in the
Psychology of Manipulation.

According to the sources, each member of the seminar was
hypnotically implanted with a different fixed idea about
themselves, without knowing precisely what it was. The
purpose was to allow each student to watch the implanted
ideas play out in the personalities of the others, over
the course of the seminar.

Apparently, Lewinsky had been implanted with the idea
that she would fall in love with and marry the President
of the United States.

According to the sources, though Lewinsky received an A
in the course, apparently she was absent for the final
session -- you know, the one where the implanted
suggestions were removed.

Lewinsky Forgery Alleged

Sources at Lewis and Clark University in Portland
Oregon, have provided The Washington Pissed with
the only copy of a letter ostensibly forged by Monica
Lewinsky.

The letter, ostensibly written by Monica's wealthy
celebrity-author mother, Marcia Lewis, requests
that Monica be excused from the final session of her
Psychology of Manipulation seminar because, "she has a
cold and a sore throat."

However, an analysis of the handwriting, done using MS
Handwriting Analyst 97, indicates the letter was
actually written by Monica herself, though she was
clearly not in control of her own will at the time.

Further, based on various Freudian and Jungian slips
contained in the letter, Analyzer 97 indicates that the
real reason the author of the letter missed her Psych
class was NOT because she had a cold and a sore throat,
but, rather, so she could, ostensibly, go have oral sex
with her 40-year-old former drama teacher.

Matt Drudge: Moonie Stooge?

According to sources at Lewis and Clark University in
Portland Oregon, the internet gossip columnist now known
as "Matt Drudge," spent more than a year hanging
around the Lewis and Clark campus as a recruiter for
Reverend Moon's Unification Church (known as the
"Moonies,") during the early '90's, overlapping the
period when Monica Lewinsky was an undergraduate
there.

The sources further claim Drudge sat in on the same
Psychology of Manipulation seminar as Lewinsky, and
underwent the same hypnotic suggestion.

Reliable sources in the New York publishing industry,
also inform us that Lucienne Goldberg, the
right-wing "book agent" responsible for the Linda
Tripp tapes, is actually the illegitimate mother of
Matt Drudge and the source of funding for
his Drudge Report "website," which,
surprise surprise, just happened to be perfectly
positioned to break the Lewinsky story when the "straight
media" balked. The funding was
apparently moved through various "Moonie" front
organizations to obscure its real origin.

According to Oregon sources, Drudge was also "friendly"
with Lewinsky's drama teacher, and while the teacher
denies having had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky
on the day she missed the final session of her Psych of
Manipulation seminar, he does admit spending the day,
having oral sex with Matt Drudge.

Though the Reverend Moon could not be reached for
comment, a spokesman claimed the Reverend thought it was
"real cool" that the Comeback Kid, would, in
part, be brought down by the Scumbag Kid.