Without Apology

Old soul’s number one challenge in life is self esteem, according to intuitive healer Hans King. The possible reason is immense self awareness, due to being here over and over and over again.

For many years I had such self doubt about myself. One of the major issues I had was that I smiled a lot and loved people, both old and young, rich and poor, white and purple. As a young child and even as an adult, people scolded me for my friendliness, and labeled me as “flirtatious” or “sexual”. Just because I was outgoing and sent love to people, I was judged.

Because of my label I withdrew and started to really question myself and my motive. As I looked deep inside many years later, I have come to realize I just love people, and they feed my soul. There is no sexual anything attached to it. That perception was not mine and I returned it back to the givers.

Parenting was another challenge for me that created immense self-doubt. People gave me so much unsolicited advice on how to raise my son. Since my son’s father was deceased, I had to be the heavy hand in the household, or at least that is the advice I got. Many people told me to spank my son so he would never forget it. Others told me to stick my son in a corner facing the wall, put him the the shower to cool off, or just use a loud voice to get his attention. Again, this advice felt counterintuitive. These people meant well, but again it created confusion and more personal doubt.

Now, as I write this, I realize that my loving, kind, compassionate way, is my way. It may not be your way, and you may judge me as being “soft”, “too nice”, or whatever the label, but it is my authentic and true way to be in the world.

I will no longer refuse to apologize for my smile, for the tender and gentle way I speak to my child, or for who I am in the world. With age comes wisdom and I finally get that I am who I am, and I will no longer try to change it, to appease you.

As I get older, I finally get what Hans King is talking about with self-esteem being the last house on the block for old souls. I have entered the house and I own my desire to stay in love with you, my son, my self, and the world.

Good bye doubt, I am who I am! I invite you to be who you are, without apology!

Thanks for reading and sharing. Let me know how you have second guessed yourself in life, and now through time and wisdom you realized that you were just being you!