FOLLOW US

Johnson resignation triggers World Cup victory celebrations

To the chants of ‘He’s going home! Doofball’s going home’, football fans were united in their glee that Boris Johnson will be exiting at the Semi-Final stage. Although England are yet to beat Croatia, England fans are now celebrating like it is the last days of Rome – or Brexit as it is called.

With six ministerial resignations since the autumn, Bookies have shortened the odds on Theresa May winning the Golden Boot competition. Yet with David Davis no longer leading Brexit negotiations, at least England have a slim hope of a victory against Belgium.

One fan said: ‘I’ve waited since 1966 to see England win but it feels like I’ve waited even longer for Boris to leave. When I heard, I just went nuts – drinking everything in sight. I just hope I’ve got a few tins left for when Michael Gove f$cks off’.

Crowds lined the streets, with children on zip-wires hitting clown-shaped piñatas, filled with candy, shaped like straight bananas. Despite this, Police have warned that if they get carried away there may be a celebration repair bill, but it ‘can’t be worse than the Brexit bill’.