Strangest thing you’ve seen on a delivery?
“Naked people hiding
behind the door.”
“I’ve seen lots of open robes.”
“This guy kept asking to touch my mind.”
“People having sex.”
“Dudes in tighty whities.”
“A young Rick James in
his undies, billowing weed
smoke, and a poodle.”
“One girl tried to get
me in the shower with her.”
“A really big snake,
maybe a python?”
“A man wearing a paper bag.”“Stoned guy knocking on
his own door and asking me to let him in.”

What’s the worst type of customer?“Drunk people who don’t
answer their phone.” “ ‘Oh my God, you’re so fast.
Here’s a dollar.’ ”“Stingy ones.” “They don’t say thank
you, they just grab the food.” “Maleducados.”
(Rude people.)
“People who live at the end
of the delivery zone.”
“The ones who take effing
forever to open their door.” “Ask, ‘Is it raining outside?’
when I’m dripping wet.” “The woman who lives down
the block in a fourth-floor
walk-up, orders from us all the time, and only gives a 25-cent tip.”

Ever been robbed?
Yes: 12
No: 85

How many times?
Once: 3
Twice: 3
Three times: 4
Over five times: 1

Do you order takeout?Yes: 58No: 33

If yes, How much do you tip? “No less than $5, always more than 15 percent.” “I decide by the distance.” “If you tip bad, the tip gods will come for you.”

Which is better, January blizzard or July heat wave?
Blizzard: 26“Better tips.” “I have
a beard to protect me.”

Heat wave: 62“It doesn’t even get
hot here.”

Total tips for an average shift $10–$30: 30$31–$50: 33$51–$70: 10$71–$100: 8Over $100: 4

What’s your favorite all-time delivery?“It’s hard to name one,
but a beautiful girl flirting,
giving a good tip, and generally being friendly can make my night.” “There’s an old woman
who hugs me whenever
she sees me.” “I delivered in a snowstorm
and the people let me warm
up inside and then tipped extra. Made me believe in the human spirit.” “$1,000 order,
$200 tip, cash!” “The Israeli hair-care
company office with ten
beautiful women.” “Really,and they’re
mostly all good.”