By: Ann Brown My kids can skip expensive years of therapy to find out who is to blame for their failures in life: it’s me. I fucked them up. On July 14, 1998. We awoke at the crack of noon that day. The kids watched TV from the moment they woke up. Stupid TV, not […]

By: Ann Brown I ran into my African American friend today. You know Wade? Yeah, he’s African American. I have an African American friend. A real one, too, not some African American person I recognize because we go to the same bank or dentist or something. Wade comes to my house and everything. He has […]

By: Ann Brown So Claudia wrote a list the other day of all the shit her someday future daughter-in-law will notice about her and find hypocritical. Claudia is a playright and an editor, and coming up with this list probably took her the better part of a Friday. It was a really well-written list. It […]

By: Ann Brown Oh God, I am so full I wanna barf. No, I take that back; the thought of barfing makes me, well, not want to barf. Whew, good, I’m not bulimic. It’s so great to cross shit like that off my list. Not bulemic: check. More therapy time to talk about the rest […]

By: Ann Brown Hello to all my friends! Yes, it’s me. So, first of all, I guess I better come clean to those of you who thought I was out of the country, dead or back in grad school: I’m not. I just made up those excuses because I didn’t want to answer my phone […]

By: Ann Brown Do we know, exactly, what Anita Hill said back to Ginny? Man, I wish I could’ve been on the extension phone, listening in. Or better yet, sitting next to Anita that morning, feeding her kickass shit to say to Ginny, writing it out on cue cards and laughing so hard that Anita […]

By: Ann Brown I’ve been remiss in doing my Kegel exercises, have you noticed? Each new school year I make a commitment to doing 25 of those pelvic toners at least four times a week. I know that they are very important in keeping everything where it is supposed to be, pelvically speaking, and I […]

By: Ann Brown I am in the worst mood today and I took it out on the nice barrista at Starbucks. Remind me to be nice to him next time I go there. Or at least, remind me to feel bad every time I drive by. Because, as I’ve always told my children, “the important […]

By: Ann Brown I often scribble ideas for the blog on backs of envelopes and odd scraps of paper. I rarely remember where I put them or even that I have them. Still, I can’t stop. I am addicted to lists; making lists is my number three hobby, third only to looking for them and […]

By: Ann Brown People say it’s time I think about getting a new dog. But what I am thinking about is whether or not I should get one of those Brazilian blowouts for my hair. One of those things will cost me nothing and the other will take me seven months to pay off if […]