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ok ill try heh so i now have two jobs and am working to become a CNA and the responsibility and the work occupies me so im not lonely and board most the time. And im so happy to meet new people. Nothing is going wrong heh things seem to be looking up now. I still get sad some times. I wish i could stay happy productive and well because its fun.

But you know i feel like i have an invisible sickness that makes me depressed and sad and makes the pain unbearable again and again.
………I…… I miss Jessie… why did he have to go?
what if mom goes, how will i ever feel happy again.
Why did James go?
Jessie why i miss you so much why did you have to die? I saw the doctor pick up your…[Read more]

so… heh today i cried all day. i have no reason to but i just did I came home from work and busted into tears and no one could help me but me, so I did. but then it became unbearable. mom came home and wanted to take me out to help me. so we went to a Mexican restaurant but i felt sick in the car and when we got there i almost barfed and began…[Read more]

shhhhhhhhhhhh, do you here that? Its the music… it’s calm, and slow. it begs me to step into my empty temple.
I see every detail, the rotting wood, and the stories that haunt its walls. Tense fear fills the room and i become comfortable in the music.
I see Broken Glass.
I wear the colors of the pail walls to blend in with…[Read more]

i dont expect people to understand why im so lazy and sad. i dont even know haha. im sorry. I dont feel like an adult. i dont feel any different im still shy i still cry because of my mental stupidity. Because i never work. i dont want sex i want companionship why dont men want that too? they want sex instead and for that i see past their words…[Read more]

i feel stupid… and i want to cry. im not pretty enough im not cool enough im not smart enough. if i could disappear i would but i dont want to make my family sad. Im just so tired of… life. i dont dare quit see thats the easy way out and im strong. its harder to live after you look at your life and realize your a burden and dont have the…[Read more]