Author: Gareth Fosberry

A 69-year-old man from the Netherlands who identifies himself as a “45-year-old”, has taken legal action to try and lower his age by 20 years, so he can get dates on Tinder.

This is classic case of “catfishing”, yet Mr Emile Ratelband does not believe he is doing anything wrong.

A catfish is someone who pretends to be somebody that they’re not and basically, they lie to you. Catfish usually try to swindle money from your bank account and they make up false stories. They often don’t tell you if they’re married, or they post fake photos on their dating profile. They even lie about their age, which is what Mr Ratelband is looking to do.

Mr Ratelband is a 69-year-old motivational speaker and a single pensioner in the Netherlands. He has launched a legal battle to reduce his age by 20 years so he can attract more women and boost his dating prospects on dating app Tinder.

He argues that if transgender people are allowed to change their legal sex, he should be allowed to change his date of birth because doctors said he “has the body of a 45-year-old”.

Clearly this whole idea has gone to his head – he has even now described himself as a “young god”!

He sounds arrogant and seems to be seeking attention to boost his own profile and fame, as well as his company’s profile.

Mr Ratelband wants to shift his birthday from 11 March 1949 to 11 March 1969, comparing the change to identifying as being transgender.
“We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can’t I decide my own age?” he said.

Comparing the changing of your age to the changing of your sex are two completely different things. No-one can change the ageing process, yet it is possible to change your sex. It’s a very hurtful comparison to those who have been in the position of wanting to change their sex, as this is usually how that person has always felt throughout their life and is something they have always wanted to do. Wanting to change your age is not.

We can all go down the gym and keep fit to stay healthy and look good. Many people will be biologically younger than their real age, but that doesn’t mean you can just change your age on your birth certificate.

Mr Ratelband is well-known media personality in Holland and is suing his local authority after they refused his application to amend his age.

His case has now been referred to a court in the city of Arnhmen in the eastern Dutch province of Gelderland.

“When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house or drive a different car. I can also take up more work.”

“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.

“Transgender people can now have their gender changed on their birth certificate and in the same spirit there should be room for an age change.”

Mr Ratelband claims he is discriminated against because of his age and encounters problems in Dutch society on a daily basis.
He said employers are reluctant to hire someone as a consultant, who is of pensioner age. He added that a change to his age would also be good news for the Dutch government as he would be renouncing his pension until he reaches retirement age again.

The judge presiding over Mr Ratelband’s case said he had some sympathy for his plight, but found there would be practical problems in allowing people to change their DOB – as it would mean legally deleting a significant portion of their lives.
The court is due to deliver a written ruling within four weeks.

However, officials were sceptical about the case, believing there was no legal mechanism allowing a person to change their birth date, local reports said.

If Mr Ratelband wins his case, it will create a huge precedent and will open the floodgates to many more catfish and dating scammers who will pretend to be someone they are not. It will also make it harder for police authorities and dating apps to stop people from creating and using fake profiles. This means more people being tricked into believing someone who is really a catfish.

If you’ve searched for love online recently, you will have probably come across the term, “Ghosting”. This term means that you suddenly don’t hear from a person again and quite often, it comes out of the blue. The person you’ve been chattingto disappears forever like a ghost and they’ll cut off communication completely. You can end up driving yourself crazy wondering what you did wrong and questioning why you didn’t hear from them again.

When dating online in the past, I have ghosted myself, but I have also been ghosted too. In the majority of cases, ghosting is not very nice, but there are times when ghosting is necessary and can be justified. After you’ve been on a date, even if you got on well with that person, a common outcome is that you both say goodbye and you never message each other again. This is normally because there is no romantic connection and it’s an easy and straightforward outcome for both people.

Of course, ghosting can occur at any time, whether it’s before you’ve actually met someone face to face, after a first date, or after you’ve been on several dates with someone – or even longer.

Reasons why it can be hurtful to ghost someone:

Getting over a break-up can be really tough, regardless of whether it was a long-term or short-term relationship and anyone who’s been ghosted knows how painful it can be. It leaves no way for the person ghosted (the person being ignored) to make sense of what happened. There will be many unanswered questions: “What did I do wrong?”; “Did he/she ever really care about me?”; “What is wrong with me?”; and even, “Did something happen to him/her?” There are often lasting effects on the ghostee’s self-esteem, particularly if they already suffer from issues around self-confidence. It may be helpful if you can understand the possible reasons for being ghosted, although sometimes, this could actually be more hurtful.

Reasons that lead to people ghosting:

1. Avoidance of confrontation – they might not like the person they’ve just been on a date with so they don’t want to take things further. Worried the other person may have a bad reaction to this, they take the easy option of ghosting so as to avoid any bad reaction and confrontation. This person would rather walk away or change the subject than get into an argument.

2. Fear of emotional intimacy – they might fear the prospect of being in a relationship and fear getting close to someone. They get cold feet and think that ghosting is the best thing to do. They may have been hurt in the past. Fear of intimacy is a long-term problem and is not easily overcome. Usually it requires awareness followed by effort, in order to overcome this fear.

3. Narcissistic personality style – a narcissist is unlikely to be empathic about the emotional pain of the person they are dating. Lack of empathy is a hallmark sign of narcissistic personality and is likely the reason for at least some instances of ghosting.

4. Fear of a violent reaction: the person who suddenly disappears is afraid of an aggressive reaction to a breakup statement. This might not necessarily be classed as ghosting, but rather a self-protective measure. There are times when sudden disappearance is the only safe way out.

When is it OK to “Ghost” someone?

Situations do arise when it’s OK to ghost someone without any explanation whatsoever. There are plenty of situations where ghosting is not only OK, but actually your best option. If you’ve spent any time in the world of online dating, you’ll know that people don’t always behave correctly, so there might be times when you have to cut off communication with certain people instantly.

Ghosting is one technique that works and you might even need to block that person too. Situations where ghosting can be justified could be the following:

Who would have thought that reading a book could improve your love life? My new book, Love At First Swipe, is a comprehensive guide to modern online dating which will definitely help you find love, but there are actually books and authors that you can list on your online dating profile, which can attract more attention and make you more appealing to the opposite sex.

Reading is a favourite hobby of many and is one of the most common interests listed on dating profiles. Many of us read books for pleasure, to gain knowledge, or to relax and unwind when travelling on a plane or train, sitting by a pool, or just before we go to bed.

According to a recent study carried out by dating app, eHarmony, men who list “reading” on their online dating profile receive 19% more messages, while female readers receive 3% more. Avid book readers have also been found to be more intellectually curious than most and find it easier to form open and trusting relationships with other people.

What books do you need to read?
Classic novels, contemporary bestsellers and autobiographies often top best-selling book lists. The most read books listed by women on dating profiles are often fantasy, novels and erotica. These books include the “Harry Potter” series, “Pride and Prejudice”, and “Fifty Shades of Grey:. Men, on the other hand, tend to list action and adventure books the most, such as “Game of Thrones” and “Lord of the Rings”.

You’ll be pleased to know that both men and women are attracted to fans of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”. Men who mention this book receive 36% more communication and women see a 31% increase. Female fans of the “Hunger Games” receive 44% more online communication, while men see the number of messages they receive increase by 21% when they namecheck Suzanne Collins’ series.

Unfortunately, not all books give you a boost in online dating messages. Men who are open about their love of “Harry Potter” on their profile are not looked at favourably as they receive 56% less communication overall. And, despite it being one of the world’s favourite books, women who own up to their love of the “Fifty Shades” series receive 16% less communication – clearly some men are intimidated by Christian Grey!

However, lying about your reading habits is not recommended. You will get found out eventually, especially if you know nothing about the book that you have listed on your profile as being read. The “Harry Potter” series tops the charts as the books that most people lie about having read, closely followed by “Fifty Shades of Grey”, “The Bible”, “War and Peace”, and “The Great Gatsby”.

It turns out that the real secret of success when it comes to books and finding love online, is Richard Branson! Surprisingly, if you mention the founder of Virgin and author of “Screw it, Let’s Do It and Like a Virgin: Secrets they don’t teach you at business school”, it virtually guarantees that your profile will get more attention. Men who mentioned Branson’s books receive 74% more communication than those who don’t, while women see a more modest increase of 19%.

Other authors that attract more attention for men include the author of “The Da Vinci Code”, Dan Brown, plus, the authors John Grisham, and Lee Child. Unfortunately, women didn’t see the same benefits in the study when listing Dan Brown among their favourite authors, as it led to a 3% reduction in communication, while Danielle Steele fans received a huge 56% less attention.

Statistics from recent eHarmony study:

Based on the % of messages that either went up or down when users listed specific books:

Men:

Books which had the biggest impact on online dating communications:

1) Screw It, Let’s Do It and Like a Virgin +74%
2) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo +36%

Of course, these statistics are only from the study that one specific online dating app carried out, so depending on which app you are using, your attractiveness to other users, based on the books that you list on your profile, may be completely different. For example, if you’re using a Christian Dating app, listing down “The Bible” is likely to make you more appealing to their users. Or, if you’re using a Fetish Dating app, listing down “Fifty Shades of Grey” is likely to mean you will appeal to their users more.

You can click here to purchase my book,Love At First Swipe, which is available on Amazon and through all leading book stockists.

Online dating app, Bumble, is often hailed as the feminist alternative to Tinder’s “anything goes” feel. Just like Tinder, users have to swipe right to match with each other, but unlike Tinder, the first message on Bumble has to be sent by the woman.

What makes Bumble different from other dating apps is this challenge presented to women to make their move first. The user interface is pretty similar in that you upload pictures, put together a little introductory bio and swipe left or right on people’s photos. It’s very easy to use and some people prefer Bumble to Tinder, as users on Bumble appear to want something more serious.

Bumble is now looking to expand its reach into India. There are safety and security concerns over the use of online dating apps in India and there is currently a push by firms to make women feel safer using dating apps in India. As an added security feature, Bumble has now introduced photo identity verification, which should mean you don’t up speaking to a catfisher or a scammer!

Indian actress, Priyanka Chopra, has recently invested in the online dating app.The “Quantico” actress said her investment was an effort to help change gender disparity in the tech industry,Economic Timesreported.

She tweeted: “A new chapter for me! I am so excited to partner with @bumble and @holbertonschool as an investor. I’m honored to join two companies that strive to expand gender diversity in the tech space, and make a social impact for the greater good… let’s do this!!”

You can also read my review of Bumble, along with my review of six of the other main online dating apps, by purchasing my book, Love At First Swipe, which is available on Amazon and all other leading book stockists.

The main purpose of online dating is exactly that, to date people and ultimately, to find your perfect match. You shouldn’t be on a dating site if you’re just looking for a pen pal.

If your match hasn’t asked you out on a date after an extended period of messaging, then they might not be interested in actually dating. They could be bored and looking for a way to kill some time. You could also make the first move and suggest meeting up in person, but if they find an excuse to not take you up on your offer, it’s not a good sign. I would usually give someone one chance but if they found another excuse, it’s time to move on!

Make sure you don’t fall into the dreaded ‘friend zone’. Keep all conversation light and complimentary and show a keen interest in that person by asking questions regularly.

Avoid getting overtly sexual, or you could end up with an unwarranted naked picture from a psychopath! You may think you know someone from chatting online for a while, but you could be in for a nasty surprise. If someone doesn’t reciprocate and ask you questions as well, they’re clearly not interested in you, but if they are and you’ve built up a nice connection, it’s time to meet up, otherwise you could be dumped in the ‘friend zone’.

Some users are looking for a quick fix, so conversations of a sexual nature are commonplace. Try to avoid “sexting” with someone that you’ve just started chatting with and whom you hardly know. They might not be interested in meeting you at all and you could end up being ghosted or falling into the friend zone.

You won’t have a romantic connection with everyone you date, so the doors to the friend zone are also open to the people who you get on really well with, just not romantically, for whatever reason. You might still want to keep in touch with each other and it’s possible that you become friends instead. I have made friends with some people I’ve dated in the past, where we get on really well, just not romantically.

You could also end up in the friend zone, if things fizzle out with someone that you’ve had relationship with. Entry to the friend zone has to be mutual of course. When a relationship ends acrimoniously, it’s usually the case that couples don’t want to hear from each other again, once they’ve separated.

To find out more and read further tips and advice that I provide about online dating, you can purchase my book, Love At First Swipe, by clicking on the above link. My book is available on Amazon and through all leading book stockists.