Telford man sentenced after causing ‘terror by dildo’

IMAGINE you heard about a man concealing a dildo about his person. You’d imagine he was either embarrassed to have it on him as something of a prude or, indeed, that he had it down his trolleys in a bid to appear that he was well endowed.

Well, giving a whole new twist on the ‘is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?’, a man has been arrested and sentenced after terrorising local residents with a vibrator.

Ian Poulton from Wellington, now thoroughly embarrassed, managed to capture the attention of 15 police officers who were tooled-up and wearing bulletproof vests, thanks to his antics with a codwang.

Now, you may thinking that this is something of an overreaction, but this man wasn’t hiding a vibe in a bid to woo people he fancied, rather, he was charging around pretending it was a gun. The people of Telford called the authorities, terrified, thinking that this man was going to blow everyone’s brains out.

Poulton admitted in court that he deliberately used the sex toy to deceive everyone.

The judge told Poulton: “It was clearly not a gun, be it imitation or real. It was an entirely innocent object. It was the defendant’s intention to deceive. Witnesses thought it was a firearm so he has to take the consequences.”

So, for having a pretend phallus about his person, Poulton was jailed for five years. Oh. and also confessed to assaulting a neighbour and causing damage to a police vehicle.