Benefits of To Thine Own Self Be True

People don’t often see the connection between “to thine own self be true” and being able to stay calm and clear under pressure. But what I’ve seen is that when you understand your true nature and claim your subjective preferences, it’s much easier to know what is your responsibility and what isn’t. You also appreciate what you have to give or not give, in any situation.

This helps you focus and bring your strengths, so you don’t get caught up in other people’s fear or upset. It also relieves you of second-guessing and regrets that you somehow should be doing something differently.

Once you gain this deeply intimate understanding of who you are, and learn to accept that others are who they are, you can stop stressing about how to fix everyone and everything, starting with yourself. Instead, you bring your grounded understanding and help others to get grounded in themselves too.

How do you get to know yourself? It’s a circular thing. Start anywhere, and claim a preference as your own. Then build on that. It has been hard in my life to know who I am and what I want because I was so wired to focus on who other people are and what do they want.

Have fun. It’s just part of the game! Tell me, how do you know yourself? What filters or questions do you use? This an area of opportunity for me.

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I use a specialized form of coaching to help people be more of who they are and less of who they're not. I live on Maui and work with clients around the world. I invite you to join my "Get Blissed" email list for updates.

Comments

Great topic Rox! Who am I? Not until I reached my 40’s did I start to realize who I am. I had spent the previous years trying to figure what was wrong with me. I found a therapist that brought to my attention all the wonderful things I had accomplished. Don’t get me wrong I am still learning. I am a highly sensitive person that leans to the introvert side with a small amount of need to socialize with a small group whom I know well. I don’t handle noise well and can become overstimulated at the local supermarket quite easily. I need 8 hours of sleep and need to recharge frequently during the day, but I am now ok with all if this. I no longer feel the need to conform and I and my spouse and kids are much happier. I a house of five a pair of ear plugs had become my best friend along with my gardens and being outside! Winter sucks to say the least. I am learning to appreciate what nature does for my mind by bike riding and spending most of my day outside. I love to work, create and I consider myself a master at organizing and raising children. Deep breathing has done wonders for my anxiety, but the best coping skill I have learned is to ask myself “Ann what is the worst case scenario here?” This has done wonders for me. I look forward to hearing from other readers. Take care Rox and give Shane my best!

This is pure awesomeness Andrea! It forms the basis of a framework actually – I can see the bones underneath your writing where I and others could grab each of the elements then find our home place along the spectrum between opposite ends!

One of my built in challenges has been how easily I can entertain myself and be happy in a seemingly endless array of situations. That has obscured the deeper level – where – left to my own devices, what really makes my heart sing? That is one of the games I am playing right now.

One significant thing I have learned just in the past few years is that I love speaking in front of groups – large rooms are AOK with me – and yet, it is very draining for me to be in a large group where we are all just making ‘small talk.’ Getting nuanced about the actual ingredients of “where and how do I feel the most me” is valuable to me. Realizing that my presentation itself is sharing a LOT, I don’t also have to make myself available to everyone else’s beck and call. I get to choose how to make myself available. When I act in my own best interest, I bring my favorite Rox and not a “bitchcochito.” That is a play on the spanish word “bizcochito” that I learned in Santa Fe. It refers to sugary cookies that are popular there. When I try to be all sweetie pie to “everyone” and neglect to restore myself, I turn into the bitchcochito version.

Water is the key element for me. Showers, swimming, bath tubs, it all helps me connect with myself and get re-centered. I also tangibly feel the “washing off” effect of stuff I don’t want to bring forward.

Thank YOU so much for making “who you are” be an important part of your life; like your extended family, we are the beneficiaries of that.