The Pee-Pee slapping dance and other cool tricks.

If you do not know what the pee-pee slapping dance is, then let me enlighten you.The male of the relationship steps out either fully naked or, at a minimum, nude from the waist down. With a rapid oscillation of his pelvis, he sets his genitalia into motion, making a slap as his penis whips to the left, then right, then left again. He does this for several seconds, ending in a Ta-da, before padding away to wherever he was, fulfilled at a job well done. The impact is best if the audience, or shall we call her the victim, is in some innocuous space like the kitchen or laundry room.

Paul says: Though we do not agree with the ‘Men are from Mars’ idiocy, Lee and I do see and acknowledge that men and women are different. Duh. Obviously, women are lacking the equipment to do the pee-pee slapping dance. Over our twenty years of marriage, I have done the dance many, many times and gotten varying reactions. I have gotten laughter, very infrequently apathy, and an analytical appraisal that led to some pleasant experimentation.

The acceptance of these differences is important because it opens up a whole new world of fascination and exploration. I have gotten to discover new parts and reactions that I do not have. I have said to myself, ‘I don’t have this. I wonder what it does’. Yes, I am talking about sex, but I am also extrapolating farther. While I am touching things that are foreign to me physically, I am also probing uncharted lands mentally.

And now we go back to the reoccurring themes of vulnerability and intimacy. It is one thing to be the prober, another to be the probee. With full knowledge that we are built differently and have reactions based on these differences, do you find it hard to lay naked , not touching, and answer questions about what you like and do not like? I know that I did. I still do. It sends me into a fit of unmanly giggling. It took me a long time to become emotive. There was a time that I didn’t know the names for the emotions that I felt.For me, it was easier to say ‘I Love You’ than it was to say ‘I’m scared when…’

This is not a one-sided ‘men need to emote more like women believe they do’ post. Women have their tricks too. That taking off the bra without removing the blouse thing that you do is fascinating to men. The brassiere, in general, is a constant source of giddiness for men. Any man that says that he has not run around with a bra on his head, like a makeshift space helmet, is lying. I encourage you ladies out there to try it. Put your bra on your head and run around the house, playing ‘universe queen, space hero’. I think that you will find it cathartic. Like sadness, fear and loneliness, remember that playfulness, delight and daring are emotions too.

Lee Says: I think this post was one big pee-pee slapping dance. As a woman, I find the male of our species fascinating. The first time I saw the dance, aside from shock, I felt not unlike Dian Fossey did while she lived with the gorillas. Even my sons, age 5 and 2, do the dance! Men are strange and stinky and beautiful and yummy and vulnerable and…. did I mention beautiful? Paul’s message of intimacy through vulnerability and exploration is so important that we must take a second and rinse the pee-pee slapping dance image out of your head. It’s O.K., I’ll wait.

Women are taught to please others at a very early age. When we are in relationship, we find that we lose ourselves by compromising our needs, acquiescing to our mates and faking an orgasm to make our partner feel good about them self. All of these behaviors only serve to make us more resentful and miserable. Exploring each others’ bodies and feelings are imperative to a healthy sex life. Never fake it! I can’t stress that enough. And, partners, don’t take it personally if she doesn’t come! If you do everything you can and she just doesn’t make it, well then try, try again. An orgasm is more than a slap and tickle and the female psyche and culture have more to do with a good orgasm than the right combination of diddling to thrusting ratio.

I think I will demand a command performance tonight. It has been a while since I have seen my husband do the pee-pee slapping dance. It won’t take much coaxing.