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Monday, September 10, 2012

the smile – new york

What is it with New York restaurants serving warm tap water?

I am seriously asking this question. I realize that New
Yorkers brag about their tap water being great tasting, clean water because it
comes from some reservoir upstate, but that seems more like water marketing
than actual truth.

Do restaurant people think we will upgrade to bottled water
if we want something cold? That makes no sense to me. That would be like
serving a basket of stale bread and saying, we have better bread if you would
like to pay $2 for it or you can just eat this.

I completely blame this whole tap water situation for why I
totally fell off the wagon at

I had been eating really clean and drinking nothing but water
for almost a week so that I would look anorexic for fashion week. Sure, I had a
couple slip ups and accidentally had

Spanikopita at Stella’s and two beers at
Mekong, but other than that I was practically Ghandi. Leave it to me to be
so good and then mess everything up at the last minute.

Drunk on warm Yankee water I couldn’t think rationally. I
pointed my finger to the menu, felt my lips move and heard sounds come out as
if I was having an out of body experience. “I’ll have the Moroccan Lamb Meatballs
and a Hibiscus Margarita” said the voice that could only have belonged to some
sort of Moroccan/Mexican meat craving demon that was living in the
un-chilled water and temporarily possessed my body.

That is the only logical explanation for my actions because I
don’t remember being that hungry. That is not to say that if I did have
complete control over my decision making abilities, the words “simmered in a
spicy tomato sauce” wouldn’t have a one upped “vinegar and celery seed
dressing”. You guys know how I feel about celery.

I ate those meatballs and drank that margarita mostly out of
fear of what could happen to my family if I tried to battle the evil spirits
right there at the dinner table.

Thankfully, my family made it through the meal unharmed, I survived without need for an exorcism
and the meatballs were freaking delicious.