24 November 2006

Bright Lights, Pig City

As I drove to work tonight, I saw the reflection of Norfolk’s lights on the clouds. Lights of the Big City. . .OK, moderately large city. . .and I thought about Nightlife. Bars. People are attracted to bars and clubs. Why are people attracted to these dark stinky places? They have their reasons to be sure, and to them they go. Like birds to worms on a sidewalk after a rain. They go to the bars and they drink and they lust. Sometimes they smoke. Blow smoke from their noses. Like fire-breathing dragons.

And they drink and they lust. The women show cleavage and attract other fire-breathing dragons. The fire-breathing dragons, the reptiles, drink more. Soon, the cave is full of smoke and reptiles. Then they hallucinate. See visions. They see the scantily-clad lizards with smoky snouts and lust. And they drink, and rub their red eyes, and eat worms.

Many of the reptiles are obese. They discuss government and politics and the difficulty in obtaining a job with a college degree in Women and Gender Studies. They get mad at the Pharisees and the Sadducees, and fume, and blow more smoke from their noses. One of the more nosy obese smoke-breathers is married. We know this because she suffers from hyphenated-woman-syndrome. She wants higher taxes so there will be more government programs for the underprivileged. People such as herself, that feel the evils of poverty.

She gets her wish.

Now she works for the government writing studies about gender inequality. She calls unborn babies-fetuses. Her scaly skin itches. She has dandruff, but refuses to use lotion since she is a liberated lizardess. Freed from the bonds of tyranny. She couldn’t find a mate if she had to, which is a mystery to her. She wants mandatory euthanasia for old people. She says ‘Everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others.’

Just like the Pigs.

Another curvy pig snorts smoke, winks at a boar in the corner, and giggles. She eats another worm. The bore in the corner blows smoke from his nose and scratches a strand of barbed wire around his arm. The Mating of the Wildebeest comes on TV.

More drinks, more smokes, more giggles.

Another worm. Bonding occurs. Next morning, the two dragons have headaches and amnesia. Phlegm drips from their snouts. They go to work. Later they return to the bar.

And drink, and smoke, and lust.

A hairy creature with large chest struts in. He grunts and scratches himself. It’s a gorilla.

In walks a herd of creatures with fat stubby legs and numbers on their chests. They look alike, walk alike, talk alike, smell alike, and grunt alike. They’re looking for females and grass. The Hippos have arrived. Now the zoo is complete.