Christian Review Magazine Issue 3 - March 2015 - Page 11

BI: I became a Christian while
making this film. Before I started, I
definitely wasn’t an atheist. That
would have taken some serious
consideration and thought. You
really have to decide to be an
atheist. To purposefully and
vehemently reject the idea of
God. I honestly thought that I was
a Christian. Most people in
America think they’re Christians
just because they were born here.
I didn’t smoke cigarettes, I went to
church on Christmas Eve, and I
watched Fox News with my mom.
That’s all a Christian was to me. It
was decorative. But yes, I did
become a Christian while making
“The Drop Box.” When I first read
the article on Pastor Lee, I wanted
to know where all the love came
from. After spending time in his
orphanage, sleeping on the floor
with the kids, I came home to my
old life, much emptier than
before. Sitting in my childhood
bedroom, on the blue futon where
I’d thought a little about God and
a lot about girls, I heard a sermon
about the cross. It was about how
Jesus took my place on that cross.
I’d heard that before. I’d heard
that Jesus came to die for my sins.
But this sermon was different. The
message was different and it cut
me to ribbons. The pastor that I
was podcasting told me for the
first time in my life that my heart
mattered. That my secrets
Pastor Lee picks up a precious delivery from the drop box
mattered. That all my secret
longings and lustful thoughts and
selfish ambitions were sin. Sitting
in my bedroom, listening to this
sermon on the same computer
that I had been watching
pornography on for the previous
five years, I broke down. All I could
offer was a meager but real “I’m
sorry.” That day, I learned that
Jesus Christ was sinless, but that
he died a sinner’s death. Like a
movie through my mind, I
watched Jesus take my place in an
emotionally abusive relationship
where I was the guilty party. My
sin became clear in front of that
same computer that I’d looked at
naked women, in the room I’d
screamed swear words at my
parents. He took my place on the
cross, the one place where I didn’t
have to go, as long as I let Jesus go
in my place. I hated myself. My sin
and shame felt so deep it was as
though I’d run over an innocent
child on the highway. But at the
same time, I had never felt so
beautifully known in my whole
life. It was the Father’s love, the
love that still wanted me when I
hated myself that changed
everything. So I let Jesus into my
shame, and now I’m free.
CR: Looking back, is there
anything you would have done
differently during the filmmaking
process?
BI: Yes, I think when you first start
making movies, you are your own
chief cook and bottle washer. You
write and shoot and edit an