I have a lot of ideas for games.I’d rather not share any original ones, but I’m fine disclosing my ideas for franchise spinoffs!These games have no chance of ever coming out, so why not talk about them!Without further ado, here are my very dumb I mean totally awesome ideas for some franchise spinoff games!

BioShank: While BioShock takes place in an Art Deco city under the ocean, BioShank takes place in an Art Nouveau ghetto above the clouds!Explore the deadly floating urban underbelly of “Def,” created by a mysterious and idealistic pimp known only as “The Sauce Pan Man*.”Engineered to be the ultimate gangsta’s paradise, Def is a place where genetically enhanced homebois (and homegirlz) roam the streets battling over a miraculous substance known as “Koolherc.”When injected into a human being, Koolherc is capable of unlocking the fresh potential of ultimate gangstatude! You must battle against the denizens of Def, paying particular attention to the “Fly Hoes” who gather Koolherc from the bodies of the slain!To get to a Fly Hoe, you must do battle with her Struttin Pimp, who uses his phat armor and arsenal of gats to defend dem bitches from yo ass!Will you choose to hook up wit dem fly hoes, or just bust a cap in they ass and take all they Koolherc fo yoself?You gots to make a decision, dog!It like one of them moral decisions where you be doin good o bad and getin them benefits an consequences o eitha choice!

Vogue-Life:In this fashionable spin off of Half-Life you play as Gordon Freeman’s sister, “Samantha Freeman.” Samantha works at an experimental fashion laboratory, with the goal of creating the ultimate fashion trend!Disaster strikes when two experimental garments are improperly combined on a resonance cascade mannequin, creating a literal seam-rip in the fabric of the fashion trend continuum!A legion of highly tasteless demons is loosed upon the complex, and our silent yet trendy heroin must find a way to escape with her life! Vogue-Life is the first game to blend first person shooting with fashion simulation gameplay! Make sure all your gear is fashionable and you'll become more powerful! Grab a machine gun that matches your ammo belt as you delve into the ruined corridors of the fashion research center, battling off horrible monsters who just don’t know how to pick out the right set of flesh rending claws for an invasion of earth! Vogue-Life: Power Walk, Shoot, Accessorize, Survive.

Gears of Whoa:Sarah isn’t the only planet that’s been destroyed beautifully.The planet Rachael, a water world once home to a thriving human civilization, has been invaded by the poser horde! Yes, this spinoff of Gears of War trades in the bromance for brahmance!Pop n’ Stop mechanics are swapped for shred n’ shoot mechanics in this watery 3rd person surfer dude shooter!Swarms of totally bogus poser aliens are emerging from the deepest depths of Planet Rachael’s oceans, waging war on humanity and acting like they can out shred the elite dude squads! Gears of Whoa is the first game ever to mix 3rd person shooting with surfing action!Much of the combat takes place over water as you ride a surfboard while aiming and shooting at enemies both above and below the surface.You can even leave your surfboard and fight enemies under water at any time, Gears of Whoa features simultaneous surface and underwater combat! Weapons include the cruncher scattergun, longboard speargun, mondo torpedo launcher, goofy-foot grenade launcher, sponger pistol, and the soon to be iconic honker assault rifle (With its shark tooth bayonet, gnarly!)!

inFABULOUS:While Cole Mcgrath must deal with his newfound electrical powers and infamy, Lezly Mcasidy must come to terms with his electric personality and FABULOUSNESS!Come out of the closet and play as the most flamboyant super hero ever in this sassy spinoff of inFAMOUS!Master the powers of fashion, dance, and rainbow projection as you clean up one dramatic bitch of a city!Lezly is equipped with an array of festively colored powers which can be upgraded along 2 different paths in yet another arbitrary karma-slider system! Blast your enemies with multicolored rays of light fired from Lezly’s noticeably limp wrists!Hear Lezly’s lispy musings on the nature of being a super hero! Make moral choices and decide between the path of the gay pride leader or the path of the drag queen as you do battle with the enemies of freedom … Freedom to be here and queer that is!Choose to be fabulous or infabulous in this exciting spinoff to the franchise that Sucker Punch keeps making instead of the new Sly Cooper game I’d rather fucking play!

Catslevania*: Caterwaul of Cat-Tastrophe:This spinoff of the long running Castlevania series trades in the dark castles and vampires for something a little more catty!The evil Catula is preparing to unleash his minions on the land of Catslevania!Oh no!What a cat-tastrophe!Someone must stop Catula, and the world weary adventure Meowucard* is the purr-fect feline for the job! Utilize Meowucard’s upgradable yarn whip to fight off enemies and solve puzzles!Collect disgusting rodent guts to restore your health and climb to high places you’re afraid to come down from for a tactical advantage!Use Meowucard’s keen senses of smell and hearing by standing around, sniffing at objects for a really long time and then running away like a pussy when someone opens the door! Defeat bosses by running around under their feet, thereby causing them to trip and drop whatever they’re carrying!Pee in the sand and then spend 30 minutes covering it up with more sand than necessary!Make horrible wailing noises when you see any other cat, hostile or not!In Catslevania only you can help Meowucard defeat the forces of Catula, but only after they’re both finished moving all the litter from one side of the box to the other for no readily apparent reason!

Teen Fortress Retro:Before they where capturing flags in 2fort, the team fortress crew was a group of rowdy teenagers engaging in a musical turf war!Join the battle between the Airplanes and the Barracudas as they wage snappy, highly choreographed war with one another!All the team fortress classes you know and love are here, only with song and dance in their hearts!Teen Fortress Retro mixes rhythm based, choreographed ballads into the standard class based shooting.Exclusively for Kinect, Teen Fortress Retro requires you to find the right mix between shooting and dancing to defeat the enemy team in massive online battles! Smoothly transition between first person shooting with your controller and Kinect based dance-offs in Teen Fortress Retro!

*Note:I’ve blatantly stolen a few names from game podcasts here that I thought where too funny to not to use.I got the name “sauce pan man” from the giant bombcast.It’s from some weird DSiware game and they were joking that it would make a great pimp name.I agree. Also, the names "Catslevania" and "Meowucard" came from a Retronaughts podcast. Those are just too good and I had to elaborate.

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Rockstar

The Killer Dance Zone

When a planet of dancing fools is taken over by a totally serious and styleless leader who outlaws everything rad, and then attempts to enforce his reign of boring over the rest of the galaxy, it's up to you, the leader of the Corps of Hardcore Foot Workers to get out there and get the party started.

In bodaciously stunning style, get in there and get the place dancing again! You direct the action use a variety of wicked instruments to get them all dancing the way you want them to. Includes:

The Shakathon - The standard dance-o-matic.

The Twister - Make sure they get down tonight!

The Line Driver - What's better than getting people dancing? Making them coordinated!