I've suffered from depression ever since elementary school. I was fat and chubby, had major acne and had 2 close friends but they eventually branched themselves away from me when I entered High school.

In High school it just got worse, one of the girls I was familiar with in elementary school was in my class on the first day.

I sat beside her and she gave me this weird look.

Me: hey, [girl's name]Girl: hey Rish, sorry but I want to try to get to know some new people, sorry!

She then got up and moved to another seat.She was polite about it but I felt a stab go through my heart.I sat beside another guy who was very weird but he turned out to be a really kind guy. He had trouble speaking english and was asian but I was locker partners with him for the next 4 years in my high school life.

I barely made any friends other than him and we rarely hung out, we were just acquaintances in class - nothing more, nothing less.

Then that's when second year started and everything came to a hell.

I sat on the corner of the room in geography class during the first day in the corner of the room, hiding from everyone's gaze when I saw a muscular guy approach me and sit beside me.

He was late to class and had nowhere to sit besides the seat next to mine.

I politely greeted him and he smiled back.

My heart thumped. It wasn't the love kind of feeling but the feeling that I could actually make a decent friend, someone I could hang out with or talk about common interests with and have a good laugh after school - but I was wrong.

He was nice to me in the beginning of the days but eventually something changed and I heard him saying my name in conversations with other people in class, after he said my name - everyone would snicker and giggle.

I couldn't help but sweat and feel like throwing up as I had horrible anxiety and depression already.

Then one day he came up to me and spat on my shoe while sitting next to me.

I didn't say anything and just hung my head down in shame.

I stopped coming to classes for a bit after that and told the guidance counselor to switch from academic level to applied but he told me that it didn't make any sense since my grades for that class were above 70, and that there was no need to switch.

I wanted to complain but I just nervously complied and exited the room with my head down.

I went back to the class 1 week later and I saw him there again.

He smiled at me and waved at me to come sit next to him. I felt refreshed and thought that maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all but right when I was about to sit down he pulled my chair back, and I fell flat on my ass.

I couldn't move, I didn't know what was happening but everyone in the class was laughing - laughing at me.

I felt my heart wrenching inside and bile coming up my throat but I played it like an awkward fool and just laughed as well.

My 2nd last year in high school - My dad's business went bankrupt (it's a salon that used to be in Wynford)

We lost money that you could buy two houses with and were forced to sell off our property and downscale.

I now seriously got into depression, and my anxiety was at the peak of it's level. I wouldn't go outside and would make up excuses to not go to school, and instead play video games and jerk off. I was pathetic.

Then My mom found out my Dad was cheating on her, she threw his laptop on the floor and they screamed at each other all night. I could hear everything, so I covered my ears - I still heard everything.

This was the time when I started cutting myself, I felt bile coming to my throat every time I did but somehow I made it into a regular habit and it started to feel natural. The empty and numb feeling.

3rd year in High school I was beat up in school by a bunch of random people I didn't know except for the guy in my geography class. I hated it. Why did they do it to me? What wrong did I do them? I fucking hated it, not at them but at myself for how weak I was. I wished superman would come and kill these guys off or that the world would end right here and kill everyone down here with me - but nothing happened.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse - my mother was on her deathbed.

She was diagnosed with sepsis.

I remember clearly till this day the amount of tubes running down her throat, through her belly, and her fingers. I had never cried so much in my life, me, and my dad.

I went home and decided to end all the suffering there - I took a knife and cut my wrists furiously - this time there was no hesitation and no easing into the pain, it was direct.

I lost conscious and when I woke up, I was in the hospital.

My dad was there and he was furious at me. He screamed at me, yelling all kinds of incoherent things, but all I did was quietly listen with whimpering voices trying to hold back my tears.

I was glad - glad to be alive.

4th year of high school.

My mom was alive, a russian specialist saved her life, I was relieved and so was my dad. However, their relationship was never the same, fully ignoring each other for the coming days to come, as if they were strangers.

I had had enough and enrolled into a boxing gym.

Gideon Boxing Academy in Markham - definitely check it out, one of the best places ever.

I trained there for 6 months.

At first I had low expectations, but then my coach told me I had talent. My technique was apparently very smooth, and my most lethal weapon was my lazy jab - jab - left hook - left upper cut.

My coach said I was gifted with punching power good for my weight (145 pounds) and good speed.

At first I didn't believe him, until I had my first match. It was a knockout. I remember feeling my knuckles graze the guy's chin just slightly before he fell down cold. It was exhilarating.

I was more confident now, had much more muscle and had lost much of my chubby fatness but my face was still chubby and you couldnt see the muscle through my baggy clothes.

However, the most changed thing was my personality.

I was more aggressive then before, I had a habit of clenching my teeth beneath my lips and it started to scare some people from time to time.

The guy from geography didn't mess with me and neither did anyone else. Maybe they got bored? Who knows.

Went to Brock Uni.

Partied and got laid because the guy hosting the parties was my room mate.

I failed the first year and dropped out since I barely went to any classes.

My parents were furious with me and screamed my ears out and I decided to go to a college.

It's now my second year but I have never had a girlfriend in my whole life, only got laid due to connections and drugs and alcohol, and still had no idea on how to approach women.

This was my second time doing cold approaches in my life. The first time I did it during my first year in college and it was awesome. I felt adrenaline, got 5 numbers set up a date that week but nothing happened.

I got ahead of myself and thought I could get a date anytime so I stopped doing approaches after that one day. I fucking hated that decision.

1 year later (2nd year in college)

I found out about this forum (I moved here from the simple pickup forums) and met up with Tobey123. He's a really cool dude, easy to talk with and I can connect with him very naturally.

We met up and talked as if we had known each other for a long time, but as I was talking, Tobey immediately ran off and approached a girl.

I was blown away.

I had never seen someone do it so instantaneously, so quickly and unhesitatingly before.

I grinded my teeth and pumped myself up. If he could do it, so can I.

I ran up to a cute blonde from the back and tapped her shoulders.

I was a fucking nervous mess, hah.

She smiled and continued on her way after shaking my hands, and Tobey came back and told me "let's keep going".

I felt reassured that someone was doing it with me but I also felt a need to prove something to him. Prove to him that I wont hold him back and that I could stand even at his level.

At that point I didn't even care about the women, I was just trying to impress Tobey.

At first, I was nervous with my voice and body language but soon I started to get into the groove.

Then I met this really hot blonde

Me:Hey you! stop.Girl: Yeah?Me: I saw you, thought you were cute, had to say hiGirl: oh! hahahaMe: What's your name?Girl: Cass(not her real name)Me: Rish, I'm gonna talk to you for 40 seconds and see who you areGirl: SureMe: Ok, hmm...*point index finger at her* you're studying psychology!Girl: haha noMe: Biomed!Girl: hahaha no:Me: Ok, you're doing fashion design, you work part time as a model, and you're saing money for you're tution!Girl: hahaha all wrongMe: I give up, what are you doing?Girl: haha, I'm doing design.Me: ah I see, what do you do for fun?Girl: Hmm...*ponders*Me: Don't say nothingGirl: haha, I don't know reallyMe: Okay if the world was gonna end tomorrow and you had 24 hours to live what would you do?Girl: Hmm...probably skydiving*I high five her*Me: That's actually pretty interesting, anyway listen, I have to go, my friend's actually waiting - we should exchange contact informationGirl: umm..Me: I see the hesitation, ok here's the thing, I'll shoot you one text and you can be like oh fuck this guy what a creep never see him again or you can be like he's pretty cool we should chill sometimeGirl: haha okay sure

Damn she was really hot too and she responded to my text too.

But she flaked and said she wasn't looking for a relationship lmao. I got too needy with the texts LOL.

I actaully fucked up this day, I originally was supposed to get 11 numbers but I only got 5 and the last 6 I couldn't get because my phone had died so I input my number into their phone which was stupid cus they never txted or called me back hahaha.

First day: 5 numbersAll flakesOne texted back.

Last edited by Rish929 on Sun Mar 19, 2017 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Was gonna meet up with Tobey at Bramelea city centre. He told me he would be a little late and told me to do some approaches while he was on his way.

I said cool and was motivated to do some approaches but something happened. I knew in my head I should do some sets and there were a lot of sets that walked by me but I couldn't do them.

It was that same feeling I had when I was a loser and couldn't talk to anyone.

I told myself I would do the next set, the first one I saw but they all just walked by me - without me approaching them.

There was a black hole in my chest - I felt like shit.

30 minutes later, Tobey arrived and I told him that I couldn't do any sets but he said it's okay and that its due to bitch butterflies, and he had also experienced it as well.

I felt relieved that I wasn't the only one experiencing this but also hated myself for making excuses - I was being a pussy.

I decided to punish myself for acting like such a bitch and approached a fucking 8 set, yeah that's right and by myself too.

I stopped them and said:

Me:You guys, stop! I thought you guys were cute-Girls:*They walked by me and ignored my attempt*

I felt my heart cringe and pain seep through my soul but instantly I felt adrenaline like I had never felt.

I burst out into laughter and Tobey walked up to me and said "what's wrong?"

I told him that I wanted to punish myself for being a bitch and he nodded and we moved on.

We moved onto Ryerson where I fucking went hardcore, ALL OUT.

I ran after girls from the back, one of them I ran from half a block.

Tobey didn't run cus he said it hurt him to run but that didn't stop me from running. One girl, I ran across a busy street and yelled:

Me: Hey you! The girl with the brown bag! Stop!Girl: Huh?Me: *Pants catching my breath* (I was sweating lol) Hey, I saw you *pant* give me a sec (I catch my breath) I saw you and ran all the way from there cus I thought you were cuteGirl: Oh hahaha thank youMe: What's your name?Girl: CristinaMe: Rish*Shake hands*Me: I'm gonna say you're in pschology Girl: OMG I am how did you know!? haha (I got a lucky guess)I kept my cool about my answer since I didn't want to fluctuate the energy level and end up competing with her energy levelsMe: I figured since most people in this area are in that departmentGirl: ahMe: What do you do for fun?Girl: Um-Me: Other than meet tall handsome brown guys on the streetGirl: Hahahaha Hmm I like to hang out with friendsMe: Wow really!? You're the first person to say that who would've thought (sarcasm)Girl: hahahaMe: Okay if the world was gonna blow up tomorrow what would you do?Girl: Hmm...Probably hang out with friends hahahaMe: I have a suggestion Girl: Oh yeah?Me: Yeah, me and you would rob every fucking bakery in the area and we would eat chocolate fudge cookies all day everday, you down?Girl: Oh hahaha that sounds awesomeMe: Cool, listen I ditched my friend to talk to you cus you're cute but I have to meet up with him - we should exchange contact informationGirl: Sure!

I got her number but she didn't respond, I don't know why it seemed like a solid set with a good interaction.I think it's because I play it too safe and have to be more polarizing. I also have to escalate the set more sexually in the conversation and get a bit more physical.

I met up with Tobey today and I was also meeting up with another guy on the forums called meister13.

We started doing sets at Ryersn and the eaton center. Meister said he was going to be late so we started without him.

I got a couple numbers but I still couldn't escalate sexually or more physically.

Meister finally showed up and he was a really cool guy, who gave me pointers on how to stop women and open better.

It was in fact with Meister that I first started doing group approaches and practiced being a wingman. We both approached 2 sets together while Tobey did his own thing and I noticed Meister was a bit off since he was just starting for the day, so he wasn't in the groove yet.

However, he eventually got into the groove and we started going full out.

We eventually came across a 2 pair set and I watched Meister open to both of them. Both girls looked really shy and were giving me weird looks lol. I was an idiot and didn't know how to calibrate yet so I just went with my high energy mood and startled them.

I told them that if we both did push ups they should come drink coffee with us and me and Meister both did push ups.

We eventually got their numbers but I never got a text back from the girl I was hitting on.

We kept doing 2 sets and I noticed something when being a wing. I didn't have to hit on a girl if I was winging Meister but just distract her and isolate from her friend so I could let Meister do his thing.

When I found this out, winging became a lot more easier and more fun too.

I went home that day feeling good about my progress and meeting a new guy I would go out with.

It was Monday and this time I decided to pick up Tobey, and head off to York Uni.

York Uni was better for me as it was much closer and also I go there so I knew where all the traffic was.

I don't care much about my reputation since I was in the tech department filled with geeks and nerds, but I also didn't care what people thought of me since they would eventually forget who I was.

We both arrived at 1 pm and I went hard.

I was doing the nofap challenge so I was a bit thirsty LOL, but I found that it helped me open easier - My drive and lust that is.

I approached the first set and it was this hot brunette.

I was a bit nervous but I continued on anyway. I got her number but I knew she was gonna flake since the interaction was nothing special and I was nervous as it was my first one.

The next two I was rejected by but in a polite way.

Now my adrenaline was on its roof and I was in the groove baby!

I approached this hot brown girl

Me: You! stop, stop, stop.Girl: Sorry, I have to go-Me: Before you do, I thought you were cuteGirl: Oh hahahaMe: My name's Rish *I put out my hand*Girl: IqraMe: Hmmm I'm gonna say you're in Accounting!Girl: hahaha noMe: Finance!Girl: Hahaha noMe: Ok lets do this... You're studying Nursery, you work part time at Calvein Clein and you like to help you're family!Girl: hahaha only the last oneMe: I give up what do you do?Girl: I'm studying marketing hahaMe: what!? but you're brown!?Girl: Hahahaha I know right!Me: Are you indian?Girl: NooMe: Sri Lanken!Girl: no hahaMe: pakistani!Girl: yes hahahaMe: I'm a fucking genius *I high five her*Girl: well it was nice meeting you-Me: wait before you go, we should exchange contact informationGirl: Ohhh sorry I don't give my number to strangersMe: Here's the thing - I feel like our grandkids are gonna look at this situation and ask about how we met (At this point I dont know what the fuck I'm saying, just thinking on the spot LOL)Girl: OMG hahaha you're soo funnyMe: Yeah and I'll tell my grandson, listen you're grandma was such a boring person before she met me but then she realized how hot and handsome and cool I was, and that's how we made babies (This is legitimately word per word what I said haha, makes no sense lol)Girl: OMGG hahahaha ok I'll give you my numberMe: Cool

This was my best set yet since I escalated the interaction more sexually, and started thinking on the spot for the first time.

She texted back too but I was a fucking idiot and ruined the mood of the text, and she flaked. Too bad she was cool too.

It was getting late and Tobey was getting tired.

I decided that was enough today and walked to my car with him.

I saw some sets walking by me and told myself it would be a waste to not talk, so I opened a small brunette walking by, she just came from her gym and wasn't that great looking but decent.

The interaction was very normal and I honestly didn't even care if I got the girl's number or not.In the end, I got it and extended my left hand out and said "Hug" where she hugged me.

I was getting good at hugs lol.

I went home and looked at all my txts to see if any of them replied back. The one with Iqra was a bust since she stopped replying back after I ruined the mood of the texts cus I'm a dumbass when it comes to txting.

But.

I noticed that the last brunet girl I got the number from txted back and holy shit she was really into me.

I didn't understand why because I didn't even care about the interaction with her.

I eventually asked her out for coffee, I said it like this:

Me: I have a proposition, you can say yes or yes (Choose wisely)Her: Hmmm tough choice, I'll choose the second optionMe: Wise choice: I propose we get to know more about each other's epic lives over our epic first date over the exotically epic food known as "coffee", Did I mention epic?Her: haha sure sounds good!

So I set up a date with her but it was for next week since her sister was visiting this week.

Truly strange... The ones I didn't even try hit on, I got the dates. Hah well I'll figure it out eventually.

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