Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

Laying it on thick

well I set my boundaries, and it has all been said before, but now he is playing mr nice guy, and its my pay day, he is living in his car and wants to come and see his son tonight, which means he will be picking me up from work. he tells me how much he loves me and wants us to be a family and how strong and beautiful of a woman I am and blah blah blah, I really just want him to go away I have gotten to that point, we were not enough for him when we lived together and he decided to stop working and smoke crack all day sending me into emotional and financial turmoil, the neighborhood has a poll going on "how much money is Mike going to ask Lennea for tonight? " I need to send some tough love I need to say thank you for the kind words but it is all just a little to late, I am sorry about what you are going through but you are not my responsibility any more, our son and I are my responsibility. I wish you the best for you and would like you to see your son and come back after you stay clean and get some help and we will talk in 6 months or so. This and so much more, but honestly guys I am making it worse, I do ok for awhile and then I say I love you back to him, I feed into his bull crap and I am not making it clear that I no longer want to be with him, I know it's self esteem issues and fear that he will do good run off and find a new woman treat her right and then say well if you just would have stuck by my side maybe you would not be living in that trailer with your parents still. I live in a small town with no computer access except here at work so I can not attend al anon meetings and can not do the online chats, you guys are all I have right now until I get a car. These issues I am having with myself are making it really hard for me to just say BUG OFF so maybe I need some tough love too.

Stay strong and know he's being nice because you have something he wants. He knows it your payday, he'll butter you all up talk you out of some money and be off. They know just how to manipulate us to do what they want sounds like that is your son. You'll feel like a dope for falling for his crap again.
It all comes down to how long are we gonna wait for them to wake up and realize how good they have it. Most likely never and we keep staying in the drama they bring.
One of the main reasons we stay in these relationships is because we're afraid they will quit drugs and find someone else and their life will be just great. That seldoms happens. The addict will continue to use and use people to get what he wants.
I know for me its hard to say no but its for the best if I say NO.

don't give him a penny of your money. IF you have some extra money and want to do something to make yourself feel good, take a little shopping spree and buy something new and pretty for YOURSELF or get something for your baby, or donate it to feed the hungry - but don't give it to him to just go blow on drugs!!! If you stop giving him money, do you think he'll still come around to visit his baby? I think I would put that to the test. If the only reason he is coming around is for money, stop letting him come around - no matter how hard it is for you. You will be empowered when you stand your ground, honey. Just one day at a time - tell him NO.

Wow I read ur post and it could have been mine 2 1/2 yrs ago. I have been thru the war, I am still torn and tattered, but I am happy and relieved! He will say all the right things to u make u smile , laugh etc. He will say why can;t I come , I love you and OUR life.He will run a guilt trip, he misses sleeping next to u or watching movies , he will say whatever he needs to say to get what he wants. Be strong dont fall for it..Its just a line of bullshit! My neighbors use to take bets on how long before I let him come back home. It was often every other week I threw him out and the following week took him back. It took me 16yrs to wise up and realixe HE was never going to CHANGE. Now life is good, I no more sick feelings in my stomach when he doesnt come home, no more call from jail,(i dont pick em up) He is still out using, I talk very rarely if I have too,My older son takes the phone calls.BE strong get help from wherever u can...Take ur life back!

Do not worry about another woman...who else would want a broke down crack or ex-crack addict who is living in his car? Maybe a crack ho...but no one worth worrying about.
Worry about you and your family...work on your self esteem because if you had some good strong self esteem you could say &quot;no&quot; much more easily.
Addiction is a family issue...call the gambling help line in your community and ask for help.
You can love someone without enabling them. It is not easy but can be done.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

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