Psychology, Law, and Same-Sex Parenting

There seem to be few debates more hotly argued these days than whether same-sex couples should be allowed to raise children. Whether involving foster care or formal adoption, people opposing lesbians, gays, and transsexuals raising children often invoke religious or legal arguments highlighting many of the misconceptions that still surround the issue of same-sex parenting.

A recent article published in Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity provides an overview of the current status of same-sex parenting across the United States. Written by Charlotte J. Patterson of the University of Virginia, the article is based on a presentation she made at the 2009 annual meeting of the American Psychological Association when she received the Award for Distinguished Contributions to Research in Public Policy.

In her article, Dr. Patterson drew a distinction between families in which children were either born or adopted into a heterosexual marriage that later dissolved when one or both children came out as gay or lesbian and families in which the children were born or adopted by parents who openly acknowledged their sexual orientation. For both types of families, children’s needs can be very different depending on how they became part of the same-sex family.

Many recent child-custody cases have involved disagreements over shared custody or visitation arrangements. In different jurisdictions, the sexual orientation of one of the parents has been used as evidence against their basic fitness to be a parent. Also, since many states regard only the biological parent as being the “real” parent and often only allow GLBT people to adopt children as individuals rather than couples, getting a same-sex partner recognized as a parent is often impossible.

While the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the right to marry and adopt children in civil rights decisions, extending those same rights to sexual minorities has been long and frustrating. To date, only seventeen states and the District of Columbia have allowed same-sex marriages (and that right is being appealed in many of those states). In other states however, same-sex couples are routinely denied legal recognition relating to child custody, medical decisions, and basic visitation rights. In fact, one of the prime arguments against allowing same-sex marriage in many jurisdictions is that it might somehow lead to children being harmed. In the Varnum v. Brien case that eventually allowed same-sex marriage in Iowa, state attorneys declared that opposite-sex couples provided the best home environment for children and attempted to have the court reject same-sex marriages on that basis.

Both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association have pointed out that children raised by same-sex couples could only benefit by allowing legal marriage. By recognizing both partners as legal parents, children are protected in the event of the death of one of the parents or if the parents separate. Parental breakup can be traumatic enough for children without legal battles over whether they can have access to one of their parents, especially in jurisdictions where sexual orientation can be used as grounds for being declared unfit to raise children. Even in states that do not “officially” discriminate against gay parents, judges have denied custody to parents in committed same-sex relationships due to fears about the effect such a relationship might have on the children. Considering the uncertainty surrounding the legal status of same-sex unions and how they might be dealt with in a courtroom, same-sex couples and their children are forced to live in an environment of fear and doubt over how secure their families may be.

That same insecurity also applies to legal adoptions, whether in the form of stranger adoptions (when biological parents are unwilling or unable to care for a child), or second-parent adoptions (when a second parent formally adopt a partner’s child to be recognized by the courts as a parent). The laws relating to GLBT adoptions vary widely across different states and many couples can see their rights endangered simply by crossing a state line. States such as Florida officially bar adoption of minor children by gay and lesbian parents although they are obliged to recognize legal adoptions in other states. Other states practice a “double-bind” by banning adoption by unmarried couples while not recognizing same-sex marriage. While adoptions by same-sex couples are legally recognized in states such as California, Massachusetts, and California, they are usually second-parent adoptions.

Though the legal hurdles many same-sex couples routinely endure are supposedly intended to protect children, how valid are the concerns raised by opponents of GLBT rights? In answering this question, Dr. Patterson reviewed many of the actual studies looking at children of lesbian and gay parents to see if there was any substance to the concerns about their gender development, personal development, or social relationships.

As far as gender relationships go, the usual objection was that children of GLBT parents would somehow pick up “wrong ideas” about appropriate gender roles. Then again, this is based on defining atypical gender development and non-heterosexuality as abnormal and that children might somehow be “harmed” if they fail to develop as heterosexuals. It also seems to focus on the need to punish children if they behave in ways that seem unsuitable to their biological gender. As for actual research studying the relationship between parental sexual orientation and the development of gender identity, no evidence of an actual link has ever been found. Studies comparing children of heterosexual and non-heterosexual parents have found no significant differences in sexual orientation or gender identity. In both groups, incidence of child homosexuality appears to be equivalent to what could be reasonably expected in the general population.

Other concerns about children raised by GLBT parents include their developing emotional and behavioural problems such as substance abuse, psychiatric symptoms, poor self-image, and vulnerability to bullying. Nationwide studies have shown no significant difference between children raised by same-sex and opposite-sex couples on various measures of anxiety, depression, self-esteem, delinquency, or substance abuse. Whether in younger children or adolescents, parental sexual orientation does not appear to be a factor in overall adjustment or development of psychiatric problems.

As for social relationships, most studies show no significant difference in peer relationships between children of heterosexual and non-heterosexual parents. Although many children of same-sex parents are exposed to teasing or negative verbal comments about their family, the impact of such teasing on overall emotional adjustment appears relatively small.

Overall, more than twenty-five years of research into the effects of growing up in a same-sex household, the children of same-sex couples appear to be at least as well-adjusted as children growing up in opposite-sex households. Whether the research looked at children or adolescents and however emotional adjustment was defined and measured, the results have been remarkably consistent despite the legal battles that have been fought over gay parenting. While legislators continue to pass laws curbing same-sex parenting in the belief that children are being protected, research has shown that children raised by same-sex couples can and do turn out just fine.

Though there is no question that children growing up in same-sex households can face pressures, those pressures are largely due to the legal uncertainty many same-sex families face in different jurisdictions. Children growing up in places with more liberal laws and greater acceptance typically show the fewest problems. Allowing same-sex couples and their families the same rights and freedoms that heterosexual families take for granted can only improve living conditions for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.

I am not religious I am however adopted. It is bad enough to be taken from your birth family and be given to strangers who adopt you because they are grieving the child that died or miscarried, you can never replace this child and your personality often doesn't match your adoptive family's. No matter how dysfuctional your adoptive family were you're expected to be grateful and loyal. At least as an adopted child last century you got a male and female role model. But that was the bad old days now in the twenty first century we give children or sell our eggs and sperm to be raised by strangers who don't want to be bothered copulating with the opposite sex to have babies of their own. This is meant to be healthy and normal and the children who will be adopted will be expected to be loyal and grateful.
I am just gobsmacked by this wonderful progress.

I have no idea on your background or how you have been raised, but i will give you some information on mine. I hope you can help me understand where you are coming from as you can now understand where i came from.

My brother is adopted, and he was not "taken from his birth family and given to some strangers". He was born by a crack addicted prostitute in Russia, where they kick you out of an orphanage at sixteen years of age in one of the harshest environments in the world. He was one of the last adoptions into the USA before Russia closed their borders to adoption here. The way you speak about adoption is so condemning. You have no idea the years it took to adopt him, and he is the light of my family's life. Adoptions aren't just a spark of the moment "hey lets go take someone's child" kind-of thing. Open your eyes child.

And on the subject of donating eggs and sperm. One day you may try to conceive a child. You may be in a heterosexual, holy, and loyal relationship, but might not be able to conceive. You might need an egg donation because your eggs are not very good, or even a sperm donation because your husband's sperm are not viable. Should you then in-staid, go out and have sex with strangers to conceive, as long it it heterosexual sex? I feel that same sex couple who go through the long and rigorous process of adoption or sperm/egg donation to conceive a precious child will most likely raise that child with much more love and compassion then most "oops" children born from a one night stand, or a short fling. This is not a fact all of the time obviously.

But then again, this might be over your head.Being raised in an area surround with racist and homophobic origins, i was able to overcome the harsh hateful way in which i was raised. I can look past what i have been fed to believe and embrace my own views and understanding. I only hope that you can overcome your ignorant bigotry one day and be your own person.

This article was partly about the psychologically effect of being brought up by gay parents. Let me give my perspective of being bought up by a quasi-seperatist lesbian mum.

My parents are male and female, but they divorced when I was 11, and me and my older sister went to live in a new house with my mum. My mum had recently decided that she was a lesbian (hence the split with my dad) and she had always been a feminist.

The house I was now to grow up in was very much a feminist/lesbian stronghold. As well as my mum's lovers, we had a lesbian lodger. Although my mum loves me very much, the atmosphere in our house was borderline seperatist, and I often felt uncomfortable in my own house.

I wanted to ask my mum why she had no male friends anymore. While my sister was getting constant messages of female strength and empowerment, all I heard about maleness was what was wrong with it. Apart from my dad who i saw once a week, i had no male role models in my life.

As I grew up, I was awkward around girls and always anxious not to be seen as sexist, and doubting my own intentions and the sexual 'threat' that was supposedly inherent in me.

I have suffered serious anxiety all my life and I can trace it back partly to my parent's divorce, but also to the fundamental doubt and guilt that was placed in my psyche about my masculinity.

I can see how that would be difficult, and I am truly sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you are able to find healing and some sense of normalcy in your life. My personal belief is that boys and girls need both a mother and a father to develop to their full potential. One without the other (or 2 of the same) is just unbalanced, as Tom has expressed. The fact is, homosexual partnerships as parents are such a newly accepted idea in our society, that no really good research has been done on the effects of it on children long-term. Most ( I believe all, actually) of the studies that have been done have been biased (both for and against same sex parents) and not scientifically sound. It is a shame. Hopefully more studies will be done in the future without political or personal agendas as the driving force behind them. In the mean time, it looks like same sex marriage is now law, for better or for worse.