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Advocacy Group Seeks To Change Name Of S&P 500

Advocacy group "Brokers Against Unpleasant Sociolinguistics" (BAUS) are campaigning to change the name of the Standard & Poor 500 Index, a bellwether of the American economy since 1957, to the "Exceptional & Rich" 500 Index as part of a market-wide endeavor to encourage positive attitudes in the economy.

Like a BAUS"The United States has experienced a massive wave of cynicism in the economy since 2008 in spite of bailouts, protests and government-mandated rules to remedy the problems," commented one representative, "so rather than focus on dry regulatory reform or chucking money at the issues, we aim to promote some positive language to help move the recovery along."

One large-cap CEO remarked at the initiative. "I think it's a good start, and would definitely make shareholders feel more at ease when we perform hostile takeovers - I mean, love and understanding rainbows." Another comment made by a Wall Street analyst: "I'm not bearish on bonds, I'm teddyish."

An organization founded late in January, BAUS' goal of "changing the dismal economic lexicon of America" has been seen by observers as both heterodoxical and revolutionary in the world of finance. The promotion of positive language has often been limited to the world of human resources; the group hopes to bring this linguistic positivity to a larger scale. In addition to the S&P's name change, BAUS is pressing for the Dow Jones to be re-branded as the Wow Jones; junk bonds as candy bonds and foreclosures as Unicorn Giggle Farms.

CriticsAlthough BAUS has garnered some support, the group has had its fair share of critics. The organization received criticism for its methodology in promoting their agenda, which includes guerrilla tactics such as targeting newsstands and blacking out words like "unemployment" in copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

In a few reported isolated incidents, members affiliated with BAUS have demonstrated their adherence to the group's message of continual positive thinking, firmly placing their fingers in their ears while repeatedly chanting "lah lah lah I can't hear you!" during televised Federal Reserve press conferences.

The Bottom LineMuch like other grassroots movements in the past year focusing on the financial sector, the BAUS group is casting its nets wide in hopes of easing the sting of market volatility. Along with its goal of transforming the financial dictionary, they also advocate changing the nation's legal tender from paper currency to balloons, claiming the change will help authorities control inflation.

Happy April Fool's Day! This article was written for fun and was not intended to offend or misinform.