A Life of Confusion

15 years ago, Bobby graduated high school with no clear direction of where he was going. He knew he wanted to go to college, but wasn't sure what he really wanted to do with his life. He had a job and a girl friend. It was semi-serious, but nothing he really thought too long term about. He enrolled in a community college in his hometown and began taking the general courses needed to pursue any degree. He thought he could do this for the first year or so and buy some time while he considered what he wanted to major in. He was considering elementary education and took a few courses in this field.

Bobby made it through the first year of college and was still undecided on what he wanted to do with his life. By this time, he was with a different girl and had taken a full time job for a manufacturing company and was making around $650 a week. You have to understand; this was the late 90's and for a 19 year old young man, this was a substantial amount of money. He decided to put school on hold since he was making a decent income and his girlfriend was doing the same. They moved in together, but things became dull and Bobby decided to move back home with his parents and go back to school. He enrolled in two night classes while he worked during the day. These classes were business courses, a different field from his original path of elementary education. Bobby enrolled full time the next semester but suffered a devastating injury that forced him to withdraw from school. He hopped from job to job in search of something but found nothing but dead ends.

In 2002, Bobby decided to move to a different state and enroll in a larger college. All of his credits from community college transferred so he felt he was finally on the right track. He moved in with his newest girlfriend, took a job working with kids and decided to follow the path of elementary education. Things were going great, until the second semester rolled around and the school informed Bobby that he didn't receive financial aid for the previous semester and the tuition needed to be paid in full before he could enroll for spring classes. Bobby was heart broken. He couldn't believe he was out of school again and facing a dead end job. Bobby decided to enroll in a business college and changed his major yet again. After a full year and 65 credit hours taken, he was informed that these credits would only transfer to one college, a small private university located up north. Bobby was now divorced from his "newest girlfriend" who he'd married only two months prior, and was now dating a new girl who agreed to move with him to this school so he could pursue his degree. Bobby enrolled in school for the fall semester, but a week before classes began he suffered two major financial set backs and was forced to withdraw again and retrieve his tuition money to pay off these burdens. Bobby was now stuck in another random city with a girl and no job, no school, and no direction.

So, like anyone would do in this situation, Bobby decided to move back to his hometown. Him and his new fiancé bought a house and he took a career as a salesman, leaving school as an after-thought. Bobby ran this business with his new wife for four years until she left him. Now Bobby was approaching 30 years old, had no degree, no job, and was alone. Bobby began working for another dead end job, met a girl, and decided to move in with her. It was then when Bobby decided it was time to stop putting off school and finish a degree, no matter what it was in. He changed majors about five times over the next two years, roughly as many times as he changed jobs. But in the end, Bobby finally graduated from college.

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Now what? Bobby finds himself with a college degree, but still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Over the years, he's considered everything from a teacher, police officer, doctor, writer, back to a police officer, a teacher again, and just about everything in between. He's also held jobs in management, sales, finance, security, retail, and finds out he's bored with all of them and wants something more. There has to be something more to life. Why would a person spend a majority of there life doing something that they hate doing just so they can pay the bills and support a family? This isn't what life should be about. Bobby wanted to live life to the fullest. He missed out on so much throughout the years because he was trying to "be an adult" and do the things he thought he needed to do. He was concerned with the idea of adulthood and not about taking care of himself and the present time. Now, 15 years removed from graduating high school, Bobby finds himself happily married, but unhappily employed and searching for more. Bobby often thinks about what his life would be like if he'd stayed in school the first time and graduated as a traditional student four years after high school like everyone else. He may even have a masters degree at this point and be doing something he really loves doing. The question he keeps asking himself is how late is too late to follow your dreams. People always say "It's never too late to follow your dreams", but I find that misleading and untrue. People enter relationships, make commitments, and have responsibilities that prevent them from doing things outlandish and spontaneous. Bobby still searches daily for his calling, but it never comes. I've heard people say, "Don't wait for the perfect job to come along, make the job you already have perfect". That's good advice, but I think it's only something people say that genuinely love what they do. If they didn't, they'd be feeling the same way Bobby feels today.