Is it that obvious?

In the early stages of our relationship, my boyfriend told me on multiple occasions that I was kinkier than him, and kinkier than I would like to admit. Me, shy and timid in comparison to the brutally honest, open person I am now, rebuffed this, telling him that wasn’t the case. I had still not properly come to terms with my kinkiness, feeling very much closeted on that front.

Turns out you were right, honey! 😂

My boyfriend is easily one of the most perceptive, if not the most perceptive person I have met. He can see right through me. Nothing gets past him at all. If the slightest thing was bothering me and no one knew, amidst my insisting I was fine he’d be the one to say, “No you’re not. Tell me what’s wrong?”

Now I’ve delved in to fully accepting my kinks yet he’d got me pegged from day one. Even now I still sometimes worry that some of my kinks might freak him out. But each time he’s always said no.

Me: You don’t think I’m weird?

Boyfriend: No, why would I think that?

Me: I just don’t want to freak you out, that’s all.

Boyfriend: (Laughs) I’m not freaked out at all!

Me: Not even a little about me being kinky?

Boyfriend: Vi, I already knew you were.

How? I thought. How did he figure out I was a proper little kinkster before I did? Like I said, crazily perceptive! That and wanting to try a little light bondage with a scarf of mine might have been a bit of a giveaway…*sigh**facepalm*.

It’s like when I met with a bestie for a catch up recently. The friend I mentioned when I confided to him about my kinks, turns out he was a little on the kinky side as well. For the sake of anonymity, I’ll call him Kinky Bestie.

We talked general life, boyfriends (he’s openly gay) work etc. Then it got on to my writing and just sex in general. He’s one of my closest friends, of course sex is going to be a topic of discussion 😉

I don’t know if anyone else has ‘come out’ so to speak to any friends/family around them. But if you have, did you feel the same nerves I did? A fear of being judged by that lot of stereotypes that people who are kinky are, “emotionally damaged” or “weird?” Feel free to let me know.

So anyway, I told him and he was absolutely brilliant. We talked very openly about where we stood on it all and he even found the Instagram for one his favourite Shibari artists for me to look at. If that’s not true friendship, I don’t know what is! 😂

Despite the very positive reception, I still felt some nerves niggling away at me, when he said something very similar to what my boyfriend had.

Me: So you don’t think I’m weird?

KB: Not at all. I always knew you had it in you.

Me: (open-mouthed) Is it really that obvious?!

KB: (joking around) Well, I could tell that you had something in you like that. And I thought, “It’s always the quiet ones!”

In that moment, any and all nerves I had with him completely went away and I just laughed. His bluntness is always something I’ve loved about him and as we were heading to the bus stop, we compared BDSM/Kink -related books we’ve either read or want to read. He recommended a few Shibari artists for me to have a gander at and I was telling him about me being a switch.

I’m relieved that some of those around me know and so far haven’t been judging. Honestly, it would have broke my heart if that had happened with either boyfriend or Kinky Bestie. But thankfully, that hasn’t happened.

Plus, it sure is nice to have a catch-up with a friend where you can unabashedly talk about Shibari and D/s over a nice cup of tea! 😉

Last summer I told my best friend (that I’ve known since 1990). I was a nervous wreck. Lol. She is a very important person in my life and I would have been crushed if she shunned me. She lives over 1300 miles away and I planned to tell her when I visited… so I had plenty of time to think about the worst that could happen. She is awesome, though, and I should have known better.

We never know how people are going to react until they do, so it’s understandable you were so nervous, I certainly was! 😂 I had an idea KB would be like ok with it having known him so long but the nerves were still there 😊 That’s so great to hear she was awesome with it! 😀 All the best Ms. Dixie! 😘 x

This is a great post, unfortunately my friends are very non-kink and think I am weird, LOL. Ultimately that’s okay, they are more concerned about my well being since they fear the unknown. I try and strike a balance when we do discuss things, focusing more on the emotional side of things versus, “Guess what I just tried and thought it was awesome!” Cheers 😀

Thank you Marcella 😊 I completely understand what you mean when it comes to striking a balance. I have had a similar situation with a close friend who I also told recently. She’s non-kink but doesn’t judge people who are, but has told my out of wanting me to be ok, “I can’t bear the idea of someone hurting you.” I’ve reassured her that I’m not really a sadomasochist but those that are only do so in consensual environment and limits are respected.
I try my best to shed some light on her concerns so she doesn’t have to worry.
Thank you for commenting! 😀 xx