July 16, 2006

I am Tereasa Sally Cooper. I am 19. My best friend Martha had left this town last year. We had promised to call each other everyday. But that never happened. Or atleast it didnt last more than one week. The calls came down to once a month now.
I started writing some time back. The loneliness was horrible. And when I wrote people wouldnt notice I am so lonely. That was somehow untolerable.

I tried to make other friends. But people had their bunch of friends already and I always felt left out. All of them knew things about each other I didnt know. Noone bothered to explain. I knew I had no place there.

Martha told me she had the same problems. But she seemed too happy for that. Maybe she was just trying to be nice. I tried hanging out with my little step-sister Dian. But the problem with these little kids is they are just too little. She is 8. Too immature. I liked playing with her dolls. But sometimes a girl needs a mature company doesnt she? And I had stopped talking to my mother ever since she married that Jonathan guy. Everyone says hes a nice guy. But I dont like him. I know I am talking like any child who hates her step parents. But I dont care I simply dont like him.

So you see, Martha was the only one I really talked to in a long time. I mean she knew everything about me since kinder-garden days. It was so easy.
I thought about boy friends. I am not really the shy tpe. But then I dont know how people went about these things. I mean I cant just go and ask a boy if he would be my boy friend. I used to talk to a boy when I was 15. David his name was. We got kind of close too. Martha used to leave us alone and I didnt stop her. It was kind of nice talking to him. But he left the town next year. Why is that everyone I am close to need to leave the town.

Now there is this new boy Kevin Ronaldo who moved in here last week. I knew he was my type as soon as I saw him. Not the kind people found attractive. Long hair, glasses, careless and dreamy. He was perfect for me. I think I should tell you I am one of those unattractive types too. Thats pretty obvious or I wouldnt have all this trouble being lonely! I like my hair though. Its dark and wavey and longer than most girls here. If anyone looks at me twice it is only to see my hair. I wear glasses-thick frames they have. And I mostly am in a jeans and a loose shirt. I guess that doesnt give me a feminine apeparance boys really like. Stacey wears those pink flowing skirts and dresses, early 1950s type. Everyone likes Stacey. I saw Kevin Ronaldo look at Stacey for 3 long minutes today.

I opened my piggy bank and went to Lucey’s with Dian. There was a beautiful lavender dress I had my eyes on for a long time. It cost me all I had saved in a long time but a girl needs to do these things sometimes. Lucey said I looked cute in it and that I should stop wearing those stupid jeans all the time. With the money that was left I got matching earings and shoes for my dress.

The problem now was I didnt know when to wear it. I decided to wear it for Church next day. Kevin Ronaldo came to the same church as me. I took half an hour to dress that day. I never take that long. I had my hair tied into a half pony tail with violet ribbons. I removed my glasses. It was not easy but I could manage. I didnt say a word when I left the house and walked with Dian. But I felt a few gasps behind me. There were more gasps and people looked at me more than they did my entire life. I wasnt sure if I should feel proud. Those were only expressions of suprise, not admiration.

I saw Kevin look at me. I didnt look at him. He didnt come to talk to me. It almost seemed like he was afraid of me. I felt like crying. Noone had told me I look beautiful. I called Martha and talked to her in between my sobs. She tried to cheer me up. She said she was sure I looked pretty now but thats what she had always felt about me. I went and sat in the deserted street outside my home with Dian’s puppy doll. I stopped crying. I kept staring at a stone angrily.
Noone came and sat near me like you see in those good movies when a girl cries by herself and someone always comes to soothe her. No, nothing happened. I kept staring at the stone.

July 15, 2006

The door opened behind her. Sally knew from the slow lame creaking sound it was Mr Orneido. She wished she could hide under the bed. She heard him cough.Too late now.. he must have seen her.
She could pretend she was asleep. She let him cough a little more and say her name a couple of times before she made a sudden movement, showed surprise and some difficulty in keeping her eyes open before she said
“Oh..is that you Mr Orneido…yaawnnnn.. I am afraid I had fallen asleep”
“Oh dear I am so sorry did I come in at a wrong time?”
“No its alright Mr Orneido”
“I am always doing the wrong things”
Sally knew this line too well. Next he would have tears coming in from nowhere and telling all those boring stories she knew word by word..Not this day… please..
She let her head fall down to her shoulders and her eyes droop gently.
“Oh my.. you must be terribly tired today dear. Maybe I should make you a cup of coffee”
Oh oh she had to wake up now.
“Oh no Mr Orneido thats fine. Really, all I need is a good sleep”
“Oh.. well.. then perhaps I should leave..” He said reluctantly.
“Well then see you later Mr Orneido”
Mr Orneido seemed alarmed she let him go so soon. He obviously expected her to protest his going.

After he was gone, Sally locked the door. She did not want any more interruptions. Not this day. She went back to the letter she had read over 10 times already. There must be something in it she has overlooked before. It could not be as easy as this. No something was wrong..She read it again..

“Dear World,
I am 22 years old. Grown up enough to make my decisions on what to do with my life. I realise the law doesnt like you to mess with it. I respect the law. I have never taken part in anything illegal. I have paid my tax and have been a good citizen. The first and the last illegal thing I would do is this – kill myself. I hope the law and God would forgive me for this. God knows why I am doing it so thats alright. But I still need to make peace with the law.

I expect you would want to know my reasons for doing this. I better say it cause I dont want some innocent boy being suspected on my accord.
Its like this. I have had everything in life. I know you would feel disappointed. You would think this girl doesnt know what she is talking about. But for the last 3 years I have been trying to find out some meaning in my life and I couldnt. I dont fall in love with any boy, I am not crazy about children and I dont like any job. I have tried to do something nice for the world. But the world doesnt let me. Frankly, I am just bored.. I feel it useless to live.. And the one thing everyone lives for… love.. I dont have it in my life.. neither to give nor to take..

You may all find this impossible to believe but the only person who has talked to me in the last 5 years is old Mr Orneido who lives next door. And I think he too leads a same life as mine and has noone else to talk to. Or has he?
I dont know how it happened but somewhere in between, its like everyone forgot I exist… Noone seems to notice me.. see me… how else can I have no friends… nothing…

I know I should consider a life more important than to take it away so easily.. and I am possibly very young too though I feel quite old..
I know you would all tell me this is stupid.. this is the weirdest reason why anyone would kill oneself.. but they dont know what I am going through.. noone has been in my place.. And when I die, I should be surprised if anyone would know about it except Mr Orneido.. Bless him.. The poor soul… I feel bad at leaving him alone. But I am sure he would understand..

I hope this letter is enough to satisy your curiousity. It is the truth..
Goodbye World.
Love and with lots of respect,
Sally!”

Sally wanted to add a line somewhere..oh well it was not like anyone cared..
She looked at the poison she had kept ready.. This was it.. Maybe she should have given a goodbye kiss to Mr Orneido..

[A column in the next-day newspaper]

Local Girl saved by neighbor

Ms Sally Bernard, 22, was found unconscious in her house in Bow Bow Street at half past 10 yesterday. Mr James Orneido, son of Mr Thomas Orneido had come to her rescue just in time. The Orneidos say it was a bad case of food poisoning. Ms Bernard, young and seemingly happy had no reason to make a suiscide attempt. The police …

[Sally’s home]

Sally found it hard to open her eyes. She saw a young man with long hair and glasses sitting next to her, his eyes closed. Mr Orneido was sitting in the old chair by the window. She made a sound which startled the Orneidos.
“Sally are you alright?”
“Y-yes.. who are you..” And then looking at the older man “Hullo Mr Orneido”
“Hullo my dear.. Oh thank god you are alright.. Have you met Jimmie dear? He just got back from Kent”
“Oh..” she looked at the young man.
“Some letter you had there..”
“Oh God… will I be arrested?”
“Haha..No.. dont worry…everything is alright.. And.. I will make sure you wont go unnoticed anymore… your life wont be so boring..”
She looked at him. He seemed like he meant that.. And this was another human being talking to her.. Not God; she was not dead thats for sure. And not Mr Orneido… Maybe her life did have more to see…She, like most people who survived death clutched to that tiny ray of hope that seemed to have opened for her to live…

July 13, 2006

Day 1:
Nun : So you sure about this dear?
Liza: Yes. Dont worry everything will be fine. The 2 of us will be great together.
Nun : I sure hope so.

Day 2:
Liza : Err so they call you Vanda
Vinnie : Yup!
Liza : And you are 5 years old?
Vinnie : Yeah
Liza : I’d like to call you Vinnie
Vinnie : Whatever. You are my new boss.
Liza : Gosh I am not your boss! Where did you get that from?
Vinnie : The kids at the orphanage told me.
Liza : Well thats not true!
Vinnie : Then what are ya?
Liza : Uff… Err.. Call me Momma
Vinnie : Wow thats cool

Day 3:
Liza : Do you like pink?
Vinnie : Pink is ok I guess. I think Maroons’ the best
Liza : Maroon? Haha. Now thats a strange color for a kid to like.
Vinnie : What does strange mean?
Liza : Uhh strange? Emm it means odd.. different you know?
Vinnie : [blank expression]
Liza : If there are 10 girls, 9 of them likes pink and 1 likes maroon, that means the 1 kid is different you see?
Vinnie : You mean all the other girls like pink.
Liza : No. That was just an example.
Vinnie : What does example mean?

Day 4:
Sara : So hows it going?
Liza : Gee I am not sure.
Sara : Oh oh that doesnt sound good!
Liza : She doesnt call me Momma..
Sara : Haha is that all?
Liza : No. Its like we are 2 people living in the same place and talking only cause we have to..
Sara : Ofcourse dear. She just moved in with you. It will take time for little kids!
Liza : I hope she likes me..

Day 5:
Vinnie : Where are we going?
Liza : To get you a pink frock
Vinnie : Oh..
Liza : You can take a maroon one too.
Vinnie : Thanks

Day 6:
Vinnie : Hi
Liza : Oh wow! You look great in pink
Vinnie : Heheh you were right. Pink is good

Vinnie : Momma
Liza : Yes dear?
Vinnie : I was just reading my diary. 10 years old this one, I barely knew to write.
Liza : [smiles]
Vinnie : You are the best mother in the whole world
Liza : [hugs her and kisses her] I love you dear
Vinnie : [kisses] I love you Momma

July 8, 2006

Hmmm maybe a late discovery but I found one cant include words written within the brackets ” in a blog. It doesnt appear on the blog. Maybe its something to do with the HTML tag stuff. Tried writing ‘ahem’ in my previous blog to sound modest but it didnt work. So went with the good ol’ square brackets [:D]
It didnt work in another blog site too. So maybe it is something common to all these bloggies.

Good afternoon Mr Blog,
(Hmmm wonder why I decided to make that Mister. Ms Blog would have been friendlier. Oh well..)
I realise I have never actually thanked you for being such a good friend!
Let me do that now!

I would like to begin by thanking all those people who let me have an opportunity for blog-writing.
First, the blog-discover-ers of this world who made the whole thing possible! Hats off to you people!
Second, my brother who let me know about its existence. For nothing in this world is good if you dont know it is there! Thank you dear bro.
Third, a friend of mine who put into my head the idea of actually writing a blog of my own. I seemed to have forgotten that a blog was not just something which others created and you visited. You can own one too! Rank ya pal! You unearthed a great blog-treasure! Good work! Heheheh!
And ofcourse most importantly all you nice people out there who were patient enough to read all my [ahem] sophisticated writings 😀

Now that my oscar blog speech is done I would like to actually thank this blog, Mr Blog, for being a silent listener and bearing all my scribbling without a word of protest! Patience thy name is Blog!

July 4, 2006

What do people do when they know they have nothing to do with their computer but still dont want to switch it off and go away? They blog!
Sigh am I that desperate? I have an alibi, if alibi is what you call an excuse to stay here. I have eaten a lot and am waiting a bit before I could take my bath. Bath when you are full is not advisable says some good old Doc 🙂

So while we are here why not talk on something interesting so all the blog-passer-bys wont get bored? Oh this sounds more like self-talk! Oh I want to talk on that by the way. I have never understood why people consider it a sign of madness to talk to themselves?! What could be more logical? Humans think and they need to talk. So why not speak their thoughts. The definition of talk should be conversation between person/group A and person/group B(B can be A).

I dont say all people should talk to themselves. But it shouldnt be considered an unnatural sight on seeing someone talking to oneself. People should accept it as a normal thing just like eating or sleeping.
I am surprised everyone does not do that! I am sure its this fear of being thought abnormal thats stopping them! For every person have their mind telling them things. Thats what we call thoughts. Only when it comes out of your tongue, it becomes “weird”! I call it rude, this whole idea!

Freedom of speech, dont we all have it? Oh yes we do! And we better excercise it! One life is all you got. So if you cant talk to yourself, cant listen to yourself talking, what else can you do with it! Talk people talk! Talk to yourself! Make your life better!

July 1, 2006

Hullo Mr Blog,
Just taking up from where I left.. That I-will-be-all-goodie thing. I didnt use a reminder 😦 I knew I should have. But there was this familiar feeling that you get when you know you are forgetting something each time things werent going exactly right. Or rather when I wasnt exactly being the all-goodie nice angel character I thought I should be!

But there must have been some change.. atleast I hope so. Well I will just keep trying more cause I know this is not good enough.
Lemme go try try try again!
Leaving this one short!
Adios!