Review

In its relatively brief time together, Brokencyde has always been one of the most hated bands in music, with a small group of dedicated fans defending the band against a vast majority of music fans who don't even consider the band's output to be real music. This minority group of people who will spend their entire days writing rebuttals against all the haters on Youtube say that people just don't understand Brokencyde's beautiful music. But do they have a point? It is true that many people hate on these crunk titans without even listening to them, and you can't deny that there is a considerable amount of possibly unfair bias and prejudice against Se7en and the gang. So, the question remains: by sitting down and listening to a Brokencyde objectively and without bias, can one appreciate it for the musical masterpiece that their fans proclaim it to be?

Well... Sorry, but no. There is a small handful of bands whom you can easily and accurately judge by listening to about 30 seconds of one of their songs, and Brokencyde happens to be one of them. There are so many things going against their music on this album, but you've certainly heard most of them before, so I'll try and be brief. The autotuned cleans are just as unlistenable and painful as almost all other autotuned cleans out there. Se7en's raspy shriek would be bad even if they were placed in the context of an album that utilizes screams in a constructive manner. Phat J's death-ish growls are the least terrible of the three vocals styles here, and might actually be considered average to decent vocals if placed on a good metal album, but their use here is just as atrocious as everything else about the band. The lyrics are just as laughably bad as you expected, offering up gems such as this line from lead single Teach Me How to Scream.

Peoples fist in the air at every show/
Ride my dick like a rodeo!

Classic, right? Well, it only gets worse. The electronic beats are just as painfully bad as you remember, and the lack of a single real instrument only contributes to the aural rape that is Brokencyde. One tidbit of terror that stands out from the rest is the blatant overuse of a percussion line sounding eerily similar to that at the very beginning of Rick Astley's undying classic Never Gonna Give You Up. Seriously, it is found in almost every real song on the album, and is one of the worst things about the album. So, honestly, did you expect anything other that this from the kings of crunk? Did you even think for a second that it could be a decent effort? There are some infinitesimally inconsequential redeeming factors here, such as how catchy a few of the songs here are. They remain awful songs, but there are some lines here and there that will get stuck in your head for hours, whether you like it or not. Also, this album will meet its intended use of being something to simply play at a party and dance to: there are many albums that will undoubtedly better serve this purpose, but this one will work. But these tidbits of decency are not anywhere near enough to save this album from being the atrocious crapfest that this was destined to be. Did you honestly expect anything different?

Wanted there to be a (somewhat) well-written negative review here. Please, if this does not meet its intended purpose of being a semi-readable critique, tell me and give me suggestions for improvement.

They hit stores on the same day. Which is an abomination. To get my copy of Disambiguation I'm going to have to fight through a sea of horrid hair and facial piercings scrambling to get this monstrosity.

Anyway, you seriously subjected you to this anal prison rape? I listened to Teach Me How to Scream out of pure curiosity and can honestly say - that was the most retarded thing I've ever done. And I pulled a lot of dumb shit in my life.