Category: Trichotillomania

So last weekend was Burlesque Festival here in Ottawa. The weather was all over the place but it was humid and did rain some. I decided instead of having some what frizzy unruly hair I’d rock a wig. I own such beautiful pieces I might as well wear them. You know years ago when I was dealing with Trichotillomania and having to wear them because of having to shave my head to hide the ugliness that was under them. I thought wearing wigs though I could change my style and color on a whim, we’re itchy at times, hot in the summer, and expensive.

Since over coming Trichotillomania and having a beautiful head of long hair, wearing wigs is fun to do now. I’ve been able to get a small amount of wigs that are as we would say in the hair world medical grade wigs and or high end synthetic wigs. I have one that is double mono top, single mono top, and a few lace front wigs. All well over $200 some closer to $300. And one wig that retails for like $499 which is completely hand-tied, lace front, mono top. I don’t wear it to often tho.

Anywho last weekend a neighbour said “wow you got your hair done” I was like “Yeah sure lol”, also one of the hosts at the festival thought my side cut wig was human hair. Nope just very well made synthetic. I think 🤔 high quality wigs should be in every woman’s closet accessory. Two different days I rocked two different wig styles and colours. I mean costume wigs the cheap ones that don’t cost much are fine as well but if you want something reasonably realistic than fork out the cash for something higher quality.

My last post about TTM was way back in Feb. I can happily report that TTM has been no where in sight. In fact I’m doing so well I went back to having brown hair not totally by choice but I am happier. I’ve also am loving the semi-permanent hair colour that I recently tried out. I also came to know about micro-trimming and picked up some cutting shears at Walmart. So I can trim my own hair. I’m extremely proud of my self for getting past TTM and knowing what methods work for me to keep my hands out of my hair.

The reason I suggest hair clippers is to shave the remaining hair on your head. If you have bald spots but have hair remaining you could end up pulling out the good hair. If you shave your head you can then let all your hair grow in the same time and to keep shaving your head once the new spots grow in. In the mean time while you are waiting for your hair to grow in. Rock some wigs. Either get wigs that match your old hair style or try something new. Even when I was at my worst I never pulled wig hair. Also get your self some comfortable caps. Such as bambo or cotton.

There are many wig sites out there that sell all different kinds of wigs as well caps from human hair to synthetic to high heat-resistant wigs. I still own some fabulous wigs to change-up my hair style even though I have a full head of hair because it’s more of a I’m to lazy to do my hair or I’m bored lol or want to change-up my look. I still have my two caps if need be.

The trick for me now is if my hands are in my hair a lot I just tie it up with a hair elastic or clip. Anyways as far as I am aware TTM is gone. I deal with stress differently now and no longer take it out on my hair. Of course TTM could come back at any given time but with hard work and dedication having hair is way more important to me then taking stress out on my self.

I never thought I’d ever get here or ever having my hair be as long as it is. Did I have set backs sure I did. In the beginning however you can’t beat your self up for them. Accept the mistake then turn around and forgive your self. You can beat this. You can do anything you put your mind too.

I noticed I haven’t written anything in months relating to TTM so I thought I’d write something. Things have been going well. I’ve had major stress moments but no hair pulling thankfully. I’ve gone from having dark brown hair to blonde hair. Again no TTM in sight yay. Also with having lighter hair the little bit of thinning is less noticeable. I part my hair on the other side now and have started taking biotin besides doing my coconut oil scalp massages once a week. Though I just started with the biotin so I need to wait a bit and see if that helps at all.

Other than that I don’t want to toot my own horn but I think I might be in the clear for a while and TTM hasn’t shown its ugly face which I am so thankful for. But my goal has always been to get my hair long again and to grow it much longer then I ever have before. So far so good.

So I had a 10% discount coupon to use at Well.ca which is an online drug store. To take advantage of their free shipping which is anything over $29 I decided to get my self the value bottle of Biotine as well as Velcro rollers and a new eyeshadow palette in neutrals of brown.

Anywho I thought I would give Biotine a go and see if I get any benefits out of it for my hair. I had used shampoo that had biotin in it which had made my hair thicker before so I’m hoping it gives me some form of hair growth or thickening or something and I know it can be good for your nails as well.

The value bottle I got has 200 pills in it instead of the 100. I’ll most likely do a follow-up review on them when I’m done. I started them today. To bad dogs can’t take them because poor divas fur is just wilting with yesterday and today I could have made a small dog a coat out of her fur. We have had some really warm temps and she’s just blowing her fur. Gonna have to call her soon Miss Baldy lol. Thankyou for sweaters and dog tshirts seriously.

Anyways has anyone taken biotin before and if so how did it work for you? Leave a comment below.

So for years and years I would give my self hair loss I have what is called TTM or Trich or Trichotillomaina but for me the last while I have not had any major episodes which is fabulous. But currently what I have been experiencing has not been fabulous in fact I am now dealing with hair loss. My hairline in the corners are thinning out, I’ve spoken to my doctor and he said what I never wanted to hear. That its female pattern baldness.

I was thinking of getting that hair powder that has fibers in it to thicken it up called toppik. Someone had suggested coconut oil. And though that’s an idea. I don’t want to be doing that every night. Putting oil in my hair. I never thought at my age I would be suffering from hair loss. At least with TTM your sorta in control of having hair, you have the option of pulling or not. But with hair loss that happens naturally your kind of fucked.

I never had a perfect hair-line to begin with and in fact I have always hated my high forehead and hair-line but now the corners of my hair-line are thinning out and I thought by coloring my hair a dark shade it would almost camouflage the corners. But in fact it makes it even more noticeable. I don’t think I’ll be sticking to dark hair much longer. It’s also been nice to wear wigs because I want to not because I have too. It does bother me that I’m thinning and I know some people may think we’ll you have a full head of hair and it does not look that bad.

But it really does bother me. I guess things could be worse right?. Any who I’ll stop bitching about it and go clean my apartment. Hope everyone is having a good day.

So I had a bad dream last night so bad it freaked me silly. It might have been because I was reading yesterday about a medication that could help with TTM that stands for trichotillomaina which is a hair pulling disorder. I had posted an article years ago on Facebook. Now Facebook likes to give us memories to look back onto and that was one of the posts. Any who the dream was that I pulled out so much hair I was left with a bald spot that was so big I had to wear wigs everyday again. I like having the option now to wear a wig if I want to change it up not because I have too.

So you can see why the dream was a nightmare. Honestly though at times my hair pisses me off and I’m sick of being dark brown as in colour. I’m proud of my self for having my hair as long as it is since its been years that it’s been this long. I have had moments but I’ve worked through them and have stuck to not shaving my head as a quick way to stop the urge.

My solution was to shave every time I pulled so I was not tempted to make It worse and to let the area and everything around it grow evenly. My clippers need sharpening and the last few times I had shaved my head I had scratched my back hair-line up. So I thought well I’ll stop shaving my head and just let my hair grow. But last nights dream sure scared the shit out of me because I’ve worked so hard growing my hair out.

I’ve also gone through stressful situations and in the past my hair would be the first thing to get destroyed. I can’t say for sure that I have beat TTM but I do think I’m getting a better handle on it and hope to reach my goal of having my hair down the middle of my back. One can only hope that I will reach it sooner than later.

Its taken a long time to get my hair to where it is now. I have very few layers left to grow out to match up with the rest of my hair. I really am loving having dark hair. Tho at times I wish I could go blonde but again that’s what wigs are for. My next hair trim will be in August most likely as well a root touch up.

Thinking back on when my hair was that short all I wanted was to have longer hair even the length I currently have I would have been happy with. But of course now that my hair is as long as it is I still want it longer. What is really amazing is that I’m talking about my hair. I was not 100% sure I would ever get back to this length to be honest with you because of having trich. It’s been hard work not to let that nasty disorder win. Since it has won so many times in the past and only have there been a few times I’ve had my own hair.

There was a time I had my own hair going to a cousins wedding. Then there were a few short stints and then not again till 2005ish when I had my hair the longest. Since then I would grow it a little then pull it and it would be a vicious cycle. So I swore to just give up and wear wigs all the time. My head was shaved short I had no bald spots because they all grew in and I gave up of ever having my own hair again for fear that trich would take over and win once again.

But there was always hope in the back of my mind of over coming it or at the very least coping with it. Then I started using turbans or sleeping caps whatever you wanna call them and though they have helped they have not cured it. But the difference is now I am aware of it and know I need to change the behaviour before going full tilt. It’s nice to know I have learned that my actions are controlled by me and me alone and that shaving your head is a quick solution but it’s not the answer.

I feel that my goal of growing my hair past my shoulders will happen for me. And I will have the hair I have always wanted. Oh wait I already have the hair I have always wanted I have my own hair. But I know in like 6 months it will get to where I want it.

I’m so very proud of my self for how far I have come and where I will go.

I’ve decided I’m not going to let it win let alone ruin all the progress I have achieved in growing my hair out. Okay so I had another small set back but it’s not the end of the world and I am making it to my hair appointment tomorrow morning. The set back I had written about yesterday, I did not have another one just to make that clear.

Hair Pulling: Causes

The cause of trichotillomania is not known. Research into the causes and treatments for TTM is still in the early stages. Preliminary evidence indicates TTM is a neuro-biological disorder and that genetics may play a role in its development. It is also possible that hair pulling may have several different causes, just as a cough can be caused by many different illnesses.

When and why do people pull?

While the underlying biology is not clearly understood at this time, we do know that people with trichotillomania generally have a neurologically based predisposition to pull their hair as a self-soothing mechanism. The pulling behavior serves as a coping mechanism for anxiety and other difficult emotions. It does not hurt and they are not trying to damage themselves. While the average age of onset is 11, trich can be found in children as young as one year old. Onset of trich can be triggered by simple sensory events, such as itchy eyelashes, or by stressful life events, and it can occur quite suddenly.

Is Trichotillomania just a nervous habit?

Hair pulling is not purely a “nervous” behavior, though it is sometimes triggered or exacerbated by stress. Surprisingly, hair pulling is just as often associated with other emotions such as boredom. The strong compulsion to pull out hair exceeds the normal idea of a “habit” that can be controlled through simple will power.

Is trichotillomania a sign of abuse or emotional disturbance?

Trichotillomania occurs in people who are happy and well-adjusted and it may also occur during times of anxiety, stress, trauma or other emotional disturbance. Hair pulling alone is not evidence of emotional disturbance or abuse, but it does not exclude such problems either. Depression is very common in people with trichotillomania and should always be screened for at the start of treatment for TTM.

I don’t think I suffer from depression any longer and I have tried the medication route and for me that never worked. But I am still rocking my turban. Anywho there ya have it. There is no cure for it but I wish there was.

So I don’t need any thinning of my bangs now. And no I’m not laughing as I write this one out. I’ve pulled my hair more then 40 hairs I’m sure. One of the things that freaks me out when I have already done some damage is if I don’t shave my head that more damage can easily be done because I’ve left hair on my head.

This second batch of damage is not overly noticeable that I can see really. And I’m only like two days away from getting a hair trim. Part of me really wants to shave my head because if any more pulling happens that’s what will most likely happen so I’m not left with even a bigger bald spot or spots then what is already there.

But if I leave the hair on my head what is remaining then my hair will grow longer. I fucking can’t stand this fucking cycle. Grow hair trich comes to ruin it, shave head start all over again for it to happen again. And again and again.

When I just keep shaving my head and not worry about growing it out and just wear wigs it’s fine I don’t pull and trich does not show his ugly face. And the hat trick that was working is not working as much as it was in the beginning. So that is also a downer.

At this rate I just want to shave my head and keep what hair follicles left in tact in my head. Ugh I hate having trich.