For Puerto Ricans, Home Feels Like Exile

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO — Angelita Serrano, who came back to Puerto Rico 6 months ago after working 45 years in Chicago, brags that she has already bought her cemetery plot.

``There are no words to express how happy I am to be here,`` said Serrano, 70, who moved to the island after her retirement from the Chicago Board of Education.

Serrano is one of the lucky few who did what many Puerto Ricans dream of doing: She returned to her native island to stay.

But once here, many also begin to miss the city they spent most of their lives waiting to leave.

Osbardo Lorenzo, who returned two years ago, said he even misses the snow. He still calls for the Chicago weather forecast every day.

``I miss the seasons,`` said Lorenzo, who spent 27 years in Chicago.

``You get tired of the same temperature all the time.``

Lorenzo and Serrano were among about 100 former Chicagoans from acoss the island who met with the city`s Puerto Rican leaders at a luncheon in San Juan sponsored by Chicago`s Puerto Rican Parade Committee.

Many of the guests had gone to Chicago in the 1940s, when the Puerto Rican colony was small enough to meet in a storefront at Milwaukee and Armitage Avenues. By the time they left in the 1980s, Chicago claimed the nation`s second-largest Puerto Rican community, after New York City. For most of the old-timers, Wednesday`s luncheon was their first chance to meet Mayor Eugene Sawyer.

``We want to materialize the imaginary bridge (between Chicago and Puerto Rico),`` said Juan Diaz, who moved back to the island in 1986 after spending 43 years in Chicago. Diaz was a community activist.

``When we return,`` Diaz said, ``we are new here. It is hard.

``Some have come back with a lot of money and lost it trying to start over again. An organization that would bring the groups together would help. It would be a healthy interchange.``

Bill Zayas, a Chicago media consultant, said Puerto Ricans who return often have problems adjusting.

``The people who come back after many years come back to a Puerto Rico that is not only physically different, but also emotionally different,`` said Zayas, president of Zayas Communications. ``The people they knew when they left might not be here. And the plans they made might be totally out of context.``

Isabel and Juan Diaz left behind a lot of memories. Their son, Miguel Barreto, was shot and killed in Chicago in 1968, but the Diazes transformed their son`s tragedy into organizations, like the Barreto Boys Club, that are still active in Chicago`s Puerto Rican community.

She said she sometimes pulls out old pictures and watches videotapes of some of the parades she helped organize.

For others who have come home, those days are gone.

``Sometimes I`d like to return to Chicago,`` said Ana de Arce, who moved back to the island in 1980 after living in Chicago for nearly 30 years. ``But I know it will never be like the old days, when we were breaking ground. There isn`t that sense of intimacy anymore. Everything is based on politics now. It lacks heart.``

David Delgado, a member of the parade committee, believes building a permanent bridge to help those who return is the least Chicago`s Puerto Rican community can do for their pioneers.

``These are the people who set the stage, who broke the ground and planted the seeds,`` said Delgado. ``They took all the whacks, and this is the first time we reach out to them.

``The people here are rejuvenated when they see an old face,`` he said, eyeing the small groups of friends that had formed. ``There are people here you haven`t seen in years. It is like a high school reunion.``

Since 1917 Puerto Ricans have been U.S. citizens, and they have always moved freely to and from the mainland. But the migration of the elderly back to the island, which is a commonwealth of the United States, is becoming more and more common.

But there are also younger Puerto Ricans returnees who had once moved to Chicago to study or to open businesses. Some of them, like Gabriel and Wanda Amill, are also finding it difficult to adjust.

``When you move to Chicago you go expecting something new, and you are prepared mentally,`` said Wanda, who moved back to the island in 1985. ``But when you return to Puerto Rico, you think, `I`m coming home.` But home has changed. You`ve become used to a big city with a faster pace of life.``

Wanda said her oldest son, who is 9, wants to return to Chicago.

``For our son the problem wasn`t the language,`` she said. ``He tried to work on his Spanish as fast as he could so the other kids wouldn`t think he was a `Chicagorican.`

``But he says he wants to return,`` she says. ``He doesn`t want to settle down. We get him involved in different activities, but it is always, `It is nice here, but I like Chicago.` ``

Pedro Lebron, who moved to Chicago in 1947, said he has the best of both worlds. After returning to Puerto Rico, he has been commuting back and forth to Chicago for the last 20 years.

``It is a compromise,`` Lebron said. ``I spent most of my life in Chicago, but I also love Puerto Rico. I consider myself Puerto Rican because I was born here, but I am also an American. I fought for my country.``

Juan Diaz understands.

``Chicago is my hometown,`` Diaz said. ``I live in Puerto Rico because I retired and it is warmer, but my heart is still in Humboldt Park.``