Favorite Comedy Quotes

Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but i think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!

Napoleon Dynamite: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.Napoleon Dynamite: What?Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.Matilda: What?Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!Don: Did you shoot any?Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?Don: What kind of gun did you use?Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?

Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?[points to Kip]Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!

Les Grossman: No, fuckhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.Studio Executive Rob Slolom: I wouldn't do that.Les Grossman: I'm kidding.Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Ah, there he is! funny. You're a funny guy.Les Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.