What makes me smile and laugh when nobody is talking to me.Where i am getting the wild comments that i blurt out of the blue and the feelings that i chose to hide. A closer look on whats really going on my mind under the krayzie nature and quiet facade that they think i have.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I am sure that the term "You don't understand" has been well known to be uttered by teenagers to their parents.If one will copyright that term and register it as his own, he would be a billionaire by now because of the number of times it is used by almost everybody.

The reason that I mention this is that I am breath away from doing exactly that,uttering that phrase and so much more.My relationship with my parents have deteriorated ever since I have lost my job and regardless of how I try to remedy that, it always end up being worst than before. You see my parents are very religious and they are they type who are very active in religious activities. I am the only one that is not participating so they gave me that talk that consists of my soul burning right now on the pits of hell because I don't have the time nor the willingness to go to church every Sunday.

Because I resisted I have been called a number of names in my face.Two of their favorite are me being a Satanist and an Atheist. They say I don't believe in anything anymore and that I have lost my way. Seriously I don't remember engaging in Satanist activities nor uttering anything that is considered blasphemy by the church.If you could call my addiction to the Net as something Non-catholic then fine I guess my soul is indeed fried by now.

Besides my soul being damned eternally by these actions, I am also accused of acting immaturely because I am often speaking my mind on things that they consider not my business like telling them that minor subjects are as hard as the major ones.Basically I am not allowed to interrupt their sermon even though what they are saying is completely untrue and saying something regardless if it's uttered on a low voice is a sign that I have no respect for them whatsoever. Seriously I thought that parents are there to give advice when asked, provide guidance when it is needed and to understand their child's emotions before judging them.

Apparently I've read the wrong book. The only fault that I do am guilty right now is not helping out with the cooking, not having a job therefore I don't anything to give them and that I am online 8 hours straight.I do understand how hard it is to be a parent and how hard it is to earn money really I do. That is why I am striving hard to do online work so I can earn while I am waiting for a permanent job,since they don't have any idea how that works then for them it looks like that I am wasting my time doing the same thing over and over again.

Since my dad finds it hard to do the laundry, I am the one doing my own laundry.My everyday expense when I'm applying is coming from my backpay and the last time that I asked for money was 6 years ago and even if I ask, the maximum would be 20 pesos. When I go to the grocery, I also throw in some products that I thought would be useful for the house. Even if I am not the one doing the cooking, I am the one who cleans up everything that has been used.From the plates, spoons,glasses, pots and I also clean the dining table so they can't say that I am just there to be served.

It is really hard to keep up with all the insults and not having the right to defend myself because it is a sign of disrespect is something that is slowly beginning to get in my nerves.If they are saying things that sounds rhetorical or ends in a question then I am not allowed to say anything but if I don't listen then I am considered heartless.Seriously I don't know where to place myself anymore.

Money is also a topic that often comes up when I was still working,when I don't give my part then I am selfish and is keeping it all for myself.If I do then I am just using money to get my way here in the house.They do treat me better when I have something to give,they don't say anything bad but they often say that it's the money they're after. Now all I'm hearing are that bills are very high because of my using my laptop. I can't even say anything anymore here most probably because of that too.

I think when I have a job again, i'll probably think about getting my own place.Sure it is hard and my expenses would probably be doubled because of that but I guess it would probably be for the best.I can be myself without the pressure and I can also prove to myself that I can survive on my own without relying on them for anything. So far I can fend for myself and I guess I am only relying on them so I can have a place to rest my head but since I can't even rest without getting an earful then it's time to spread my wings and learn how to fly.

I know it sounds that I am proud but I am not, I just wanted the right to be heard and to be treated like a normal human being without the name calling. Anyways, my mom will talk to me about those things and as usual I know what to expect. Don't say anything stupid, just nod, say yes even though you don't want too and accept everything even though they are not true.Wish me luck

About me

im a frustrated writer who always ran out of things to say when it is time to write them.A dreamer who kept on dreaming eventhough my wings have been broken many times before. A typist who only uses 2 fingers on the left and 1 on the right.a person with out of this world comments and words that never failed to amuse my friends.