February 05, 2007

A Strangely Odd Weekend

It's a given that my weekends haven't been the same ever since the Peanut came along. Normally I wouldn't bore you with the ennui of my daily existence. However, this weekend was a strange one so I thought I'd share the minutiae (along with, of course, a bunch of throwaway lines that belie the type of lazy writing that I usually detest. Oh well. Screw it. Strange weekend indeed.)

Friday

The Peanut was sick and we had to keep her home from daycare so BossLady covered the morning shift and I volunteered to take the afternoon. However, by the time I got home from the office, the Peanut seemed to be feeling much better and was itching to leave the apartment. I decided to take her out for some afternoon tea at a local cafe, where she then proceeded to charm the pants off everyone entering the restaurant by greeting them with, "Hi, people! I'm eating cake!" Later, we spent the rest of the afternoon dancing around the apartment together to Dan Zanes.

There are very few things more life-affirming than sharing a cupcake with your two-year-old daughter and spending a few hours together doing silly dances.

Friday Night

Most of my disposable income is spent on books, films, or scotch. However, I've had my eye on the FoodSaver V2840 vacuum sealer system for quite awhile. It finally arrived Friday afternoon and the reviews are right. It's the greatest single kitchen invention since the microwave. I spent a solid 3 hours vacuum-sealing everything in my fridge that wasn't nailed down. BossLady practically had to pry my fingers off the damn thing.

I wish I still smoked weed so I could start buying marijuana by the pound.

Saturday

I thought my street cred as a parent had been firmly established by now. However, Saturday proved that the path of initiation is far from over. As the Peanut and I strolled through Wal-Mart (looking for FoodSaver bags and accessories,) she threw up all over me, herself, and a good portion of Aisle 7. Ensuing drama included a trip to the pediatrician and the dry cleaner.

MetroBro came over to play with the Peanut and have dinner with me and BossLady. For some reason, the three of us decided to order in barbecue. This is a total amateur move, kind of like going out partying the night before New Year's Eve. Needless to say, we stuffed ourselves silly and I started frantically worrying about what we'd eat during the Super Bowl. I spent the rest of the evening perusing delivery menus online.

As I searched various restaurants, I couldn't help but think what foods would be best suited for some good old-fashioned vacuum sealing.

Sunday

A good friend's mother passed away and I needed to go to NJ for the wake. I've known Chris since he was 7 years old. Almost 31 years. He's an only child and, in a short period of time, has lost both his parents. Even worse, they both suffered horribly painful deaths after long bouts with cancer. Although Chris is 33, he's much too young to be an orphan. I vow to give Peanut siblings so she'll never face the loss of her parents alone.

Afterwards, with tears still streaming down my face, I drove to a Korean grocery store so I could load up the car with kalbi (you know, for the vacuum sealer.)

Sunday Night

We put the Peanut to bed. I threw a couple of logs in the fireplace. And BossLady ordered a bucket of chicken wings. Super Bowl Sunday is about to start. In all my life, I've never heard so much about race and religion as I did during the pre-game show. At the end of a long weekend, can't a man just watch some football in peace? Anyway, after 14 seconds, it becomes apparent that Jesus hates the Colts. But wait! Here come the Colts. It looks like God wants the Bears to lose after all. Hallelujah! Go Indy! Bears will burn in hell! (By the way, does anyone else think that Rex Grossman should have been named MVP? And can anyone settle a long-standing bet with my buddy Andrew about whether Rex Grossman is Jewish?)

With all the talk about God during the post-game show, I begin to wonder whether my vacuum sealer can turn water into wine.

If you could pick one thing from New York City for me to vacuum-seal and send to you (aside from a pound of marijuana,) what would it be? I'm thinking of starting another contest soon and I could use some ideas for good prizes.

I've been a foodsealer convert for a couple years. Fair warning, some things you have to freeze first before you seal (soups, breads, etc.). I know you're not big on cooking, so think of it as an excellent excuse to order large portions of everything and freeze half.

Delurking to write that I long for the yummy treats of my youth. Can't pick only one. I was born and raised in Flushing. Left NY at the tender age of 17 and have not lived there since. Here's my list:
1.Italian Ice, the real stuff that comes in the cheap paper cups that you wait for the sweaty Italian mustached dude to leave the oven to scoop for you. Cost half a buck for three scoops of Rainbow on Main Street when I was little.
2. Real NY pizza-the stuff that is slightly black on the bottom from remnants o whatever in the oven and oh so crispy and thin.
3. Vacuum seal the smell of fresh NY bagels and chestnuts roasting and I'll feel as though I died and went to heaven.
4. A street vendor hotdog with ketchup and loaded with the onions swimming in the mysterious tomato/ketchup sauce.
Now I'm starving.

Okay. Couple things. Vacuum sealer. Every Korean man in my family has you beat by about 5 years. The minute it hit Costco shelves they all had one. Wait until you start sealing you clothes for travel like my cousin. Also, to fully appreciate the sealer you also have to get a dehydrator. You get to dry out all the fruit that would ordinarily go bad and make healthy snacks for the kids. You're welcome.

Hours? You spent hours dancing to Dan Zanes? I can take 1 song before I dance myself out of the room.

Pregame show at our house consisted of my husband standing in front of the tv and shouting, "KATIE COURIC?! WHAT THE FUCK IS KATIE COURIC DOING AT THE SUPERBOWL?! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS SITTING AT THAT DESK, YOU PERKY BITCH!" and me tearing up at that Hines Ward segment which gets me every time. Good times.

Can you vacuum seal me a signed printout of this page in which I have accomplished my year long dream of being the first commenter. Strangely no one has of yet congratulated me on my achievement. Odd. I mean seriously have you ever tried it? It is really insane. I've burned through three mouses.

The Boy and I are making the trip up to NYC for two things, and two things only: lox bagels and the Bodies exhibit. So either yummy crusty, creamy, fishy bagel goodness or you can snap off the cross section of a fully preserved clitoris of an unethically obtained dead Chinese person. Why not a little of both? Grab bag.

I'm thinking a big frozen block of dirty hot dog water from one of the Sabrett's carts, frozen because I know you can't vac-seal liquids. I was thinking about the corned beef from Katz's, but somebody beat me to it. Washington D.C. street food has nothing on New York street food, so I'll just take the hot dog water and cook my own hot dogs in it, thinking it'll infuse that special something.

Men are funny. To the chagrin of my husband, I bought a FoodSaver vacuum sealer last year. My husband gave me grief about spending so much money on it. Now he's like a vacuum-sealing machine. He's constantly looking for things to seal. Sometimes he doesn't even let me finish dinner because he wants to seal the leftovers!

Sigh... you had to go and mention the whole being alone after the parents die. Now I feel guilty. I've been questioning my mortality lately, i.e. if I die anytime soon, our household will fall apart, I better quit smoking, etc., etc.
Hm, I've only been to New Jersey on a work related thing so I'm not sure what I'd want - can you vacuum seal public transportation? (Minnesota has the suckiest PT that I've seen) I do drool over the hot dogs that I see the actors eat on Law & Order. Hope Peanut has fully recovered? BTW, who wears cashmere while shopping with a toddler? Don't you know by now they tend to get sticky? (Both toddler and cashmere) Elmo juice? Is that made of Elmo?

New York Pizza...please, would love a piece. I'm in Chicago now and the pizza cannot compare to my NY type. Used to live right down the street from Gracie Mansion on E 88th street.
Poor Rex, he won't live that game down for a long time. I still maintain that football is a TEAM sport...how about a little "pass protection" for the guy. Oy, Sheesh! My poor Bears got their asses kicked. :(

I haven't vacuum-sealed an entire pound of marijuana. I have however sealed up a few eighths. Now that I'm old(er), it takes about three hits of weed to completely floor me. Often the weed goes stale before I can even smoke it. That's why the vacuum sealer is perfect! (I have the Black & Decker one.)

Pizza for sure. That's what I want you to vacuum seal for me. My uncle has one of those and he seals everything. I keep waiting for him to try and seal the kids. I didn't think they had Wal-Mart in NYC. I know there isn't one here. I'm pretty sure it was outlawed. Although that's a great place to throw up, I guess. Nothing says love like vomit.