Library Shame

It was so exciting at first. A library app on my phone! Access to all the books! Let’s get them all! Let’s go to the library every Tuesday! We’re making friends! The librarian is so nice! Everything is awesome!

I should’ve known there was trouble when the bag to go out was way heavier than the one coming back. The stack next to my bed stopped dwindling. When I tried to renew a book, I wasn’t allowed. You have exceeded your hold limit.

The shame. Library shame.

Is the librarian busy? Or is she avoiding me? Because she knows. I have a book at home that someone is waiting for. And I’m not ready to return it. And everyone knows.

Suddenly Roozle’s singing in the library feels too loud. She just shouted at a toddler over a puzzle piece. She’s eating a snack out of her pocket. OMG. Now I’m a bad library parent and a bad library borrower.

We owe $3.70. When I check out, the promises tumble out. “I know I have a late book. I’m almost done. I mean, I haven’t started. But I will. Really soon. And the other book that’s late? Well, I thought I brought that back. Can you check?” Oh dear. Now I just gave her extra work. And Roozle just pushed me. This will fall apart fast. But the shame. I’m suffocating under the weight of it.