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Sharing the loss of my beautiful 22 year old daughter, Heather, to mental illness and suicide. This came out of the blue and there is hope. Suicide doesn't stop the pain. It just transfers the pain to someone you love and care about. If you are in crisis, in the USA, call the
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or
Text Free 24/7 a day - START - to 741-741

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A Year of Firsts Starts Wrapping Up

I read something on social media the other day that says there are really two basic sides to the grief of losing a child, losing a sibling. There is the side that says, yeah, everything is okay. Then, there is the other side. The side that is screaming in pain. The side that relieves the heartache every day of their lives.

If someone asked me what was the hardest part of the year, well, that was the day that Heather took her own life. If someone asked me what was the happiest part of the year, that would also have to be the same day, but that day was the last time I saw Heather, the last time I would never feel this pain inside my soul.

Over the year, I have shared a lot of my raw pain with all of you. When I first lost Heather, one of the first things I was told was to keep a journal. After the first year, you go back to the beginning and explore where you have grown. That will show how much, well, I have no clue. Anyway, this coming year will be my, for want of a better phrase, my Suicide Survivor Exploration year.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016 marks the 1st Anniversary of Heather's suicide. We can't turn back the clock and bring her back to us. Some of you are in the same position we are in and our hearts truly go our for your pain, some of you have never known the pain. To all of us I say, please stop hiding depression and the pain. Please share with people so the others also know that they aren't alone. One of the things that kept Heather from getting help was she felt people would think she was just doing it to get attention. The more we share and talk about it, the better the chances that those feeling suicidal will realize that they can get help. They can realize that the pain can end and they can have a happy life. Spread the word. Help Stop The Pain.

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Rest in Peace
Heather Suzanne Crespo
July 16, 1993 - October 26, 2015
My beautiful daughter, Heather Suzanne Crespo, was only 22 years old. She left so many of us behind. She truly touched everyone's lives who were lucky enough to meet her.The hardest thing right now is the question everyone is asking and the one I really don't know the answer to. Why is she now gone from our lives? She isn't with us anymore because she gave too much of her heart and soul.

When comedian Robin Williams passed away, the world truly felt his loss, A lot of us learned so much from him during his lifetime. He made us laugh and forget our problems for a while. We learned even more after. Depression is very real and sometimes the ones that feel it the most, strive their hardest to ease the depression of everyone around them. They know what it feels to hurt and they try their best to make sure that others stop feeling that. In turn, their hurt just builds until they can't shut it out anymore.

I know they say that time heals all wounds. I know I am moving through my life now, but I really am having a hard time remembering what is going on about me. My girls and I love the Kathy Mattea, Time Passes By CD, and I have used one of her songs here to share some photos of my precious baby.

Heather cared deeply about everyone she met. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out. The hardest part about this is that she herself was hurting so badly. My other two daughters, Carol and Amy, along with myself, want to help keep Heather alive with us and continue all the good she has done.

We have set up a Memorial Fund for Heather, to help many others, that they won't know this pain in their own lives. While we understand that not everyone is in a condition to give financially, we also ask that you share her story. (Click here or at the link at the bottom of the post.) I know that my angel, Heather, is going to smile down on each and every one of us that helps to share her story. She …

Since we have dropped cable, I tend to mostly watch things on Netflix and Amazon Prime. I will also use my Amazon Prime TV Stick and watch the live African safaris from Wild Earth TV. They are excellent.

Sometimes I watch new shows and movies and sometimes I catch some of the older movies. Today was a chill day and I just watched Hardball with my daughter, Heather. Keanu Reeves plays this guy who is definitely more into gambling, drinking and scalping tickets than little league baseball, but as a condition of a loan from a friend, he agrees to coach a team. It is inspiring to watch. This should definitely be on your watch list.

Right now, it is currently on Netflix, as part of your membership, but as their list of movies is constantly updating, you can also catch it on Amazon Prime. It isn't available for free, but it is available to Rent or Purchase. While quite a few of our movies are on DVD, we have found it so much more convenient to purchase the digital copy. No matter where…