Welcome to the thoughts I am thinking, the lessons I am learning, the dreams I am dreaming, the memories I am making, the challenges I am facing, and the humor, adventure and inspiration created along the journey…

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tragedy befalls us all at some point in time, when suddenly we are faced with a life altering misfortune. We’re often left with so many questions that may never be answered. I don’t understand why some things happen the way that they do and nor do I try to. I know that in my human mind, I cannot perceive the idea of why terrible circumstances occur to those we love and know or loved ones of those we know, or even people we don’t even know. Every day someone experiences tragic loss, pain and grief. I am not one to quickly say “It’s all for a reason”. I do not believe that it is Gods desire for us to be in grief and intense pain, nor does he orchestrate calamity. I think we fool ourselves by saying “it was Hs will for this to happen”. I’m not saying that God can’t use those times to minister to your heart and to allow Him to be seen in some way.

I have beheld a lot of tragedy this year, or so it seems. From our dear friend Cheryl being abducted and murdered to the car accident leading to numerous deaths of young girls from the town I used to live in. It hits pretty close to home when it’s someone you know or know of. You begin to put so many things into perspective as thousands of questions and “what ifs?” accumulate in your mind. Why’s begin to circulate. Beliefs are strongly questioned and God seems no where near or even existent, yet you have this intense need to know He is real more than ever in your life.

I’ve been very closely following the news story about Steven Curtis Chapman’s little girl from China, Maria Sue who was accidentally backed into by her big brother’s SUV and she later died of her injuries. Only 5 years old. My heart has been breaking and heavily burdened for this family. I do not know them but I did grow up listening to Steven Curtis Chapman and from what I do know about the family they are a very solid, sincere and loving family who goes above and beyond to love and help others. They’ve adopted three little girls from China (Maria was one of them) and they also have a funding program to assist parents in adopting children called “Shaohannah’s Hope”. You can read more about it on the web through their personal website or adoption website. I can’t imagine what they are experiencing at this time. Please remember to lift them in your prayers, especially the brother who was the accidental cause of this tragic loss. My heart really goes out to him, I can't imagine the guilt and regret he is experiencing.

I'm reminded of a certain song today, "If you want me to" by Ginny Owens. If you havent heard it, then I suggest you find it somewhere and listen to it. I can't tell you how much it means to me. It clearly speaks about this journey called "life" and how so many times we don't understand why we are where we are but for some reason we've been led there and we're in fact not alone. I always cry when I hear it because it reminds me to trust, even when I'm so doubtful and confused. It reminds me that this is all for some reason greater than me, greater than what I'm going through. Even the smallest of things that crush and break me are all for a reason and each shatter is actually making me stronger. It's so far fetched I know, yet so simple at the same time. The words are profound so to speak and were indefinitely written from a heart that had endured great pain and grief. However in the midst of every trial, she yielded to Him and stated "If you want me to". I'm posting the lyrics below. I hope they can in some way give you strength and hope. Whatever you may be going through, you're not alone."If You Want Me To"Ginny OwensThe pathway is broken And The signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first stepAnd I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you Then I will go through the fire If You want me to It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go aloneSo When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will walk through the valley If You want me to

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This weekend was wonderful. I was able to spend it with my family in Panama City in an amazing condo my grandparents own right on the water. It was great to escape everyday life and just "be". Sometimes we all need a break.

On the way over, things didn't look too great seeing as the sky was black and the wind and rain was terrible! We stopped at a rest area and just sat and watched the storm pass, which was really cool!

Th rest of the weekend was great and entailed laying in the sun, swimming, sleeping in, going to all the nice restaurants, shopping, Indiana Jones, and just hanging out. My cousin Sonya came as well. She is in town visiting us from West Virginia. It was fun having her there. She leaves this Saturday :(

This three day weekend due to Memorial day yesterday was awesome! Now it's tueday and back to work. I have a long two weeks ahead of me! I work all this week, then I have insurance classes Fri-Sun and then work all next week. We also have about 5 shows at Red Door, so my days and nights will be packed. Needless to say, I will be exhausted come next weekend. I'm already looking forward to next weekend. haha.

These days have been literally flying. I cannot believe we're almost in June already, halfway through 2008. Where has the time gone?! It's insane!

Well, I am going to go now, I suppose I should get back to work. I'm trying to keep myself up to date with this thing. Have a great day!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Well, this would be my first post in this "blogger" so to speak. I never really saw the need in creating one of these seeing that I have a myspace and I usually post all of my writings there. However, it can do no harm to have one of these. This is soley for my writings and for keeping you up to date on what is going on in my life (for those of you interested).

I'm finding myself more desirous to do the things I so long and love to do. I often find myself dreaming of traveling the world, singing, learning, and meeting and helping people. I know God has His ways of doing things and making the desires and dreams He has for me into reality. Even if that means changing my dreams.

I've had an interesting year so to speak. I went through and in some aspects still am going through a stage where I am questioning so much. I know we all do from time to time. I feel it has given me deeper insight and really changed my heart towards certain people. I'm finding myself more fond of sinners than so called "christians". I believe God has truly opened my eyes to see the way I once was. I no longer want any part of it. I have changed so much for the better. I'm learning that being a good christian and example is not about pleasing everyone around you. I'm learning that I am human and I'm learning to be more real. I want to be approachable, I want to be loving and selfless.

I'm working for State Farm Insurance agency currently. It's a great job. I do like it, I do have a lot to learn. Most of you are probably aware of the music venue we started in January of this year (The Red Door... www.myspace.com/reddoorvenue) . It's been a wonderful experience, extremely tiring but wonderful just the same. I love the people it brings. God is really using it to open kids up to us. I have met some great people through it. It's been humbling.

I'm going on a missions trip to mexico in 2 months with the River of Life church. I am extremely excited. This will be my second time going to mexico and hopefully not my last. I need to brush up on my spanish =/ It's getting quite rusty. I try to still listen to spanish worship music as much as I can. I do love it, so that of course helps.