Date: Sun, 19 Jun 2011 20:38:25 +0200
From: Mark Gouwen
Subject: Symmetry part 5
Jamie and Ste are 15 yo brothers but they are also more than brothers.
They are one. Or, at least, they used to be. Several years ago, Jamie took
their intimicay too far and they broke into fragments. Still nursing their
hurt two years later, they'll have to do something or be overtaken by the
facts.
Category: gay male / highschool
Part 5 of a series
LtHawk
==========================================================
Symmetry
Part 5
by Sandboy
I'm bawling my head off. Deep, jerky breaths in and out, tears streaming
down and mingling with the hot water cascading down my body. Fuck, fuck,
fuck, I have to stop crying now.. Jamie'll hear. I swallow and swallow
again, screw my eyes shut in an effort to stop the torrid flow of tears.
It doesn't work.. there he is. I hope the bastard feels all proper, his
privates safely ensconced in that towel. Privates.. bah! Used to be my
privates were visible, just a part of my body to explore.
He looks at me and I feel shame. I look at me with so much sympathy, so
much caring... I am sorry for distrusting us so much. And I am right.. the
towel falls away and my other self is with me, holding me in my arms.
Caring, supporting, strengthening, finally one. His arms around my back,
hand on my ass, his chest against mine, face against mine, legs,
especially knees, toes on top of eachother's. Wow, I've grown. Strong
arms, strong legs, hardness that is new, even my flaccid cock is something
that pushes against thigh instead of just being squashed.
"Stand up you twat," I tease, eventually. "Pull yourself together." Makes
us smile. Stupid language.. didn't I tease? Well, it was him, Jamie-me.
All I know is I can stand on my own now, that the tears are stopping to
flow from our.. my eyes.
We gaze in eachother's eyes. It is wonderful, we are rebuilding ourselves
again, even the damaged fragment that is me-alone now understands. My hurt
comes out and Jamie sees and understands. He puts his hands on our
shoulders and forces a smile. It says everything: comfort, understanding,
optimism, sure of self, all of that and more.
Whatever the right word is, one-ity? Singularity is something space we
talked about in school so that can't be it. But plural we ain't.
"OK?"
Nod.
Our bodies step back, create distance again, but that is not important. We
are close again. Not one, not yet but it just may... when I look down I
notice Jamie's flaccid cock. So it was his. My own is hard again. When I
see his smile though, I shove the disappointment away. What we feel and
what's going on is not for hurts in that clumsy language we speak. It is
for feeling and holding, being. That will come.
Jamie is drying himself off again and I do the same. Faded jeans, woolen
socks, t-shirt. Dressed and hair combed into the sickening display that
mom likes to see. We walk downstairs and are just in time to help place
the dishes on the big table. The young ones run around like mad monkeys on
acid. I think about simply kicking one and making him fall. He'll start
screaming and all the others will come and watch. I decide against it. We
run less risk of being knocked over but then we'd have the awful noise.
Pie and Mash with parsley licquor! One of our all-time bestest favourites!
Specially since mum makes it with eels, like it's supposed to be made. Six
year old Lizzy goes into hysterics because she's not allowed alcohol and
has apparently concluded this means she won't get any food. Jamie cuffs
her lightly over the head and bends over to explain. Mum and Dad are
praying, I sniff deeply and enjoy the smell of real, true, traditionally
made Pie and Mash.
Our city-slick, hoity-toity nephews are horrified by this 'old-fashioned
farm crap'. We know better. Always the same at Christmas. Even the other
grown-ups stare a bit at mum's good. Some of the nieces can be made to
throw up by telling them how the eels are skinned. Great fun! Jamie.. I
skin fish and game all the time. Mum doesn't like to do it and I.. we are
happy to help out.
Our huge grins and shiny chins tell the story quickly enough but we know
dad gets testy when we don't compliment mom. We want to see an action
movie that only ends at eleven thirty so we better be on our best. To be
honest, this is the most scrummiest ever and ever!
"This is great-" "mum, bang on food!"
When mum goes into the kitchen later and returns with a huge dish of
Spotted Dick, the party is complete.
-----
After doing the dishes, we're in the apple tree in the garden again,
enjoying the smell of freshly mown grass, the cooling air and the first
stars coming out. Used to be our usual spot. Can be again.
"Oi mate," I say wistfully. Wistfully on purpose, that is! "Do you think
shoes go to heaven?"
Jamie looks at me as if I'm barkers. "Course not! Why?"
He bites! With exagerated care, I say "Don't forget, shoes have soles."
I laugh, freely for the first time in years. Loosing my balance, I land
with a thud in the grass below. Jamie is on top of me in a flash, tickling
me everywhere he can reach.
"Take that! For telling the worst joke we ever told!"
"Hahahahaha! Stop! Noooo! Hahahahahahahahaha.."
A minute later, we stop. Jamie is still on top of me. Gazes deep into our
eyes. We return the gaze.