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It’s all in the eyes

There are times when I catch a glimpse of these eyes looking back at me from a mirror and it startles me. You probably don’t see it, but since I’ve been staring back at these eyes for more than three decades, I notice the changes. Sparkle. Dull. Bright. Bloodshot. Baggy. Lively. Exhausted. I see it all.

I have so many blessings. Some days I can choose to look at all of my busyness as managing an overabundance of blessings. Many days I am much less optimistic. No matter how I choose to look at it, I am tired. Not just long-weekend of college all-nighters tired, but something rivaling the first three months after birthing a newborn tired. The kind of tired that comes from trying to do it all for too long.

But I’m also tired of feeling this way. My usual reaction to long stretches like this is to try to fix it all at once. No patience to do it right. So this time, I am going to systematically attack it. I am not going to try and get sleep, work less, relax more, exercise more, stress less, and spend more time playing, cooking, and reading, all in one day. Small goals this time. Once I accomplish one, I will be better equipped to accomplish another.

I’m starting with rest. As much as I am tempted to move straight to the other more fun fixes, I am being smart enough to realize it just won’t work without rest. So, next week, I am setting a time to try and leave the office no matter what is left undone, and I am setting a time that my body needs to be in bed every night. Neither of those sound like they should be very hard for most people, but since I have not been able to accomplish either for about four months, they may not be very easy for me.