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Friday, September 28, 2012

Self-Trust

When I first started this blog, I was working my way through a book about ending overeating. The second chapter discussed the Costs of Overeating. One of the costs I wrote about was the lack of Self-Trust. I just re-read my post, and I realized I can really add on to it.

It's not just about trusting that I'm eating the right things. It's about trusting my feelings. I know it sounds a little weird, so just hear me out, please.

Yesterday was Day 2 of no binging. I had my day pretty well planned, but I was skeptical about dinner. It was something that I had made previously and frozen, but the portions were small and I didn't know if it would satisfy. I finished my dinner and immediately felt like I needed to eat more. But I was completely conflicted.

Was I actually hungry? Did I just feel like stuffing my face? (The answer to that one is almost always yes, regardless of what else is actually going on.) Did I just think I was still hungry because I had told myself my dinner was too small and wouldn't satisfy me? Or maybe it was because I semi-burned my dinner in the microwave and it wasn't flavorful or texturally pleasing?

So many options, but only actual hunger would be a reason to eat more. I was watching TV, so I told myself that if I was still hungry when the show was over, I would have some more food. 40 minutes later, the show was over, and I still felt hungry, so I ate. But I wasn't starving, so I can't help but wonder if I actually needed to eat more. Or if I could have stopped eating earlier, rather than eating everything I served to myself.

One of the major costs of overeating is the distortion of hunger signals. Or maybe it's more accurately a deafness to hunger signals? I definitely have to find a way to tune back into what my body is telling me. I guess I just have to start slowly. And really, really pay attention.