If I can be entirely honest with you, I used to be that girl who would envy the couples in relationships when this day came around every year. Comparing myself to the women around me and wondering "how did she end up with a man like him?" -- even worse wondering what was wrong with me and why no one wanted me?ۂOn the outside I was protruding with what I call "fake confidence".

Deep down I was insecure with high expectations on everyone else including myself.Not proud of this side of me, however this is who I am. As much as I want to take credit about the woman I am today, I must honor the woman I was that got me here.

I've recently come to terms with being accepting of the past, present, and future self. I've committed to never abandonmyself - yes, even through the most cringe-worthy moments of embarrassment, to the most emotionaland hardest days.To all the bad relationships and to the psycho crazy b***** that would come outwhile on my emotional roller coaster rides. Yeah... Not a pretty sight.

Prior to placing my son, Austin for adoptionand for a little while after - I played pretend often and I was SO good at it!

Ask any of myacquaintances or the people I've worked with -- I had this know it all, egotistic, attitudethat carried me in my career. I played fantasy football and won just so that I can fit in with the boys - I didn't even LIKE football. I would rollmy eyes hard wondering why the person I was training couldn't grasp what I was teaching for the millionth time. I was judging BIG TIME.

How did I get from being a know-it-all to admitting that I don't know anything at all. Egotistic and self-centered to being an empathetic and compassionate person who is embarking on this journey committing to being and makinga difference in the world?

The answer is Self-love. Yes, it sounds contradicting - to focus more on you to be less self centered?

You can go to as manymassages, exercising classes, go to getthat mani/pedi, eat well, and other externaloptions as you want but thetruth is that self- love is an inside job.

What does that mean? Take a moment and listen to your thoughts, How do you talk to yourself? What kinds ofexpectations doyou have on other people? Chances are thoseare the same expectations thatyou have on yourself. Who do you judge and what are you judging them for?

When you judge other people, you're really judging yourself.

How can you become more of an empatheticand compassionate human being?

You start by being empathetic and compassionate with yourself. To approve and accept yourself just as you are and not have the need to be anything else. When you create space for yourself to be okay when you fail, make mistakes, and be imperfect - You unconsciously create that same space for others.

Whatever rules and person you have carved yourself out to be or having to be - realize that you have a choice to be who you want to be and that you can change your identity.

In my recent instagram post,I talked about my struggle withbeing alone. Loneliness was a constant unwanted feeling and at times I found myself desperate for companionship, which resulted in many bad relationships and decisions. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and from all the wrong people. After many failed relationships, I finally asked myself "What if it’s me?” “Why am I attracting these type of men into my life?”.

The love I desperately needed was the LOVE WITHIN MYSELF. ❤️

My colleague once asked me "will anyone ever be good enough for you?" I was forced to take a hard look at myself and asked If I was ever going to be good enough for myself?

These days I appreciate my own company and have found joy, liberation, and freedom from being single. I wholeheartedly enjoy my time being alone, in my space, and connecting with my inner being.

Does it mean that I am cured and always loving to myself? HELL NO. Self-love and self-care is an ongoing practice, its the little things you do for yourself to keep centered.

I buy myself flowers every week. Why wait for someone else to give me what I want? Instead I give myself what I want and need. Sometimes self love means drawing boundaries and saying no to the things you don't want to do and saying yes to the things you desperately need.

To be okay with taking a day off from your day to day madness. To cancel on friends or previous commitment when you're tired. To be forgiving to yourself when you forget to do something you were supposed to do. To allow yourself to be free from having to be perfect and collected everyday.

January was a hard month, I struggled so much getting through it. It was my son's 3rd birthday and I was unable to see him. In honor of his 3rd birthday I launched Modern Birth Mom, the nonprofit.

I've since reminded myself that in order for me to continue giving and helping others I first need to take care of myself and so for the month of February I am devoting this month to self-love and self care. I have a number of women who have committed and joining me on this challenge.

The most important relationship is the relationship between you and yourself. Self-Love has and continues to save me from myself. At times I can be very hard on myself and become my very own worst enemy and there are days when I don’t like the person that I am. I already know that by giving myself the things that I need to fill my tanks up so that I can step into being the person I want to be for others. I must take action to put myself in a more centered place.

Anyone else up for the Self Love Challenge?

Rules are simple. Keep loving on yourself and do one thing each day that lights you up, fills your tanks up, makes you laugh, and that creates joy and happiness. ߒ Wake up every day and answer this question.

"How can you love yourself more today?"ւ

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Modern Birth Mom (MBM) is a collective group of birth mothers & adoption advocates united to inspire birth mothers to live their best lives and help others do the same after placement.

We are here to create support systems that empower birth mothers to reach their potential, and turn their life experiences into fuel to achieve their dreams.

We have a Valentines Day Special Workshop on February 11, 6pm Pacific Time for Birth Mothers. Whether you are in a relationship, single, or in a complicated situation. This workshop will be an opportunity for you to connect with other birth mothers to give or receive advice about self love, relationships, and dating again after placement.

Lastly, I've recently posted an Affirmations & Mantras booklet designed for birth mothers in the Modern Birth Mom Facebook Group.