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3 years together, how did I win her back?

November 10th, 2018, 10:46 AM

This is my first time posting on a forum.
We have been together for 3 years, but have known each other for over 7 years. She has been my best friend all throughout school and have been through a lot more than just the relationship. We broke up less than a month ago. She said I was putting my friends before her and wasnít there for her when she needed me during her sadness. I realize that I was neglectful toward the end due to my own problems that I tried to manage in my own way. I realized everything I had been doing wrong and poured my heart out promising to change and apologized for everything I put her through.

She wants to work out her problems before she gets into another relationship. I asked her if sheís sees us getting back together and she said yes, but we need to build the relationship back up. There was a man that was there for her after the breakup and she says that she likes him, but loves me. I asked her if she sees them getting together too, and she also said yes.

Im conflicted. I donít know if I should give her the space, be there as a friend, try and show her i can be better, let her go, let it play out and see if she chooses me, or take her out on dates and hang out to build up the relationship. I donít want to lose a friend Iíve had for 7 years, but I donít want to lose the romantic relationship knowing that I can treat her so much better. It hurts to think sheís with this other man, and itís hurts to just have simple meaningless conversations. I donít know what to do, please give me some guidance

It's possible that she used that neglect claim as an excuse to call a break on your relationship because she had already met and been talking with this other guy. She wants to see what happens with him while keeping you hanging in case nothing does. It's not fair of her to do that to you. Don't be her back up. Walk away, don't talk for a while and focus on yourself. I know shes your long time friend, but honestly, who does that to a friend!
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I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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Bro, I completely understand where you are coming from in terms of uncertainty and worry. I've, for the most part, have been on a break from my girlfriend for a week already and it feels like forever although we are still on good talking terms and whatnot. Yes, it'll hurt to think of her with another man and I'm sorry about that but in all honesty, If she even sees herself getting together with this man, it's basically over. A woman can't love a person and still consider a relationship with another man. If that was you, she would have considered that cheating to some degree.

It, for some time, takes a while for someone to like someone else for something BEFORE they decide to consider a relationship with that person. So I am assuming that during your neglect, she must have emotionally latched on to him and compared the two of you before consideration. Not to say all hope is lost, one thing I have learned is to NOT BEG at all! It is a major turn off that comes off as needy and clingy and she will see right through that. The more you question her about him, the more she will question being with him more since that is where the focus is at.

Trust me brother, us "good" guys out there get the tough ones, sometimes due to no fault of our own but we got to learn to live and at some point in time, let go. Its going to be hard but give her that space and dont be pushy. Let her see that you are capable to live your life by your own terms without you having to throw it in her face that you are. Dont try to be there as a friend because in some ways, you could be giving her advice to move on with the new guy and not know it...love IS blind to bullshit. Take some time out for yourself such as I. Even though me and my girlfriend is on a break, I am considering going NC for several days to get my attitude, mind and peace back together for myself BEFORE I initiate contact again.

Dont give up hope as we do need one another at a time like this....

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I think it's over. I also think that when people say they are 'best friends' or want to remain 'friends' with an ex, it's really a wad of baloney. You're either lovers or you are ex lovers. She has made known that she sees herself in a relationship with this other guy. That's all you need to know. If she really loved you and wanted a future with you, she wouldn't be entertaining other men.

I recommend that you tell her you're not interested in being anything but exclusive with her, and wish her good luck. If in the future she wants you back, she'll have to take her chances that you might be taken.

"What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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I agree. Don't let her shelve you romantically while she nurtures a relationship with someone else. You'd do well to start distancing yourself and not being so keen to hear from her anymore. In fact, ignoring her would give you a better chance (in the short haul) of restoking her interest. Right now, by continuing to be in her life, you are giving her no reason to miss you or consider reconciling.

"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!