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Different Types Of Parenting Styles

Last Updated: 11/15/2017

If you have just discovered that you’re expecting your first baby, or you’ve just brought your first newborn home from the hospital, you may be a little overwhelmed as to how you’re going to raise this little one. Parenting can be a daunting task, even for couples who feel completely prepared. Even if you already have children, you may still be confused about how to raise them, what kind of parenting styles are out there, and which parenting styles work best for you and your children. Child psychologists have studied children, parents and families as a whole, and generally agree that parenting styles, techniques and methods can be divided into three basic categories (authoritarian, permissive and authoritative). It’s important to fully understand and compare each category before deciding which one will suit your family most, or determining which parenting style is already yours.

Authoritarian ParentingThe first type of parenting style is called authoritarian parenting, which is essentially built upon structure, blind obedience and authority. Authoritarian parents believe that children thrive in a home where there is structure, boundaries, strict routines, firm discipline, and high levels of well-defined parental authority. In addition, decision-making is reserved strictly for the parents; children have little or no input when it comes to making personal or family decisions, big or small. Children are expected to listen to and obey their parents simply because they are the parents. Although this style of parenting was most popular before the 1960’s, it is still considered one of the major three parenting styles of today. However, it’s important to understand that while authoritarian parenting may appear to be somewhat restrictive to others who follow different parenting styles, it does not equate abusive parenting by any means.

Permissive ParentingThe second type of parenting style is referred to as permissive parenting, which is essentially the opposite of authoritarian parenting. Permissive parents tend to be much more relaxed and flexible in their style of parenting, and aren’t too worried about structure or authority. Instead, their focus is on developing their children’s levels of creativity and spontaneity. Further, parents who use the permissive style like to include their children in making personal and family decisions and really value their input. Another distinct trait of permissive parenting is that parents are more relaxed as far as boundaries and limits are concerned, but when setting limits, they try reasoning with their children rather than relying on parental authority (“Because Mommy said so,” for example, is not a reason). Keep in mind, however, that while permissive parents tend to hand over a lot of the power and control to the child, they are not careless, uncaring or neglectful parents. Permissive parenting is more popular than authoritarian parenting in today’s society, and developed after the 1960’s, when authoritarian parenting styles had peaked.

Authoritative ParentingA third type of parenting is called authoritative or democratic. Although it sounds very similar to authoritarian parenting (in fact, it should be pointed out that these two types of parenting styles are often confused), authoritative parenting is quite different. Authoritative parenting, in a sense, mixes in a bit of authoritarian parenting with permissive parenting; yet at the same time, these parents are neither viewed as authoritarian nor permissive. They will have some structure in the home, but there will be a degree of flexibility within that structure.

Creativity and self-confidence are fostered within an authoritative environment, but there are restrictions and limits. In addition, while the major decisions are left up to the parents, they like to receive input from their children and give them some decision-making power. Authoritative parents also actively listen to and reason with their children when it comes to limits, boundaries and expected behaviors. They become firm authoritarians when the situation warrants it—in other words, only when it becomes necessary for the parents to exert their control and power. Discipline is used, but again, only when necessary, and is generally creative in nature. Ideally, it is practically suited to a child’s age, misbehavior, abilities, and temperament.

The Pros and Cons of Parenting StylesThere are distinct pros and cons associated with each parenting style. In authoritarian parenting, for example, many children with behavioral or boundaries issues thrive in this type of environment because of the structure, routine, high standards, and parental authority that they need. However, children who have no such issues may grow up with a poor self-esteem, a low level of self-confidence and an inability to make decisions for themselves, and will ultimately end up relying on authority. In permissive parenting, on the other hand, children who are perhaps a bit more withdrawn, reserved or inhibited can really benefit from an environment in which they are given more liberty and freedom with respect to making decisions and exploring their creativity.

However, the flexibility and freedom of permissive parenting does not work well with behaviorally challenged children. Moreover, sometimes if children are given too much control or liberty, they can start taking advantage of their parents or other adults, and become selfish, immature or spoiled, with an increased level of impulsiveness.

Authoritative parenting can often be viewed as the best of both worlds as far as parenting styles go, as it’s seen as more of a “balanced” approach to parenting. Authoritative parenting does include a certain level of structure and authority, but is also somewhat permissive in nature, which can be a perfect combination for many children who learn to develop independence and confidence within a degree of structure. However, even though this balanced approach may seem to be the best option, it is actually not always suitable for every child. For example, if your child is considered to be an “extreme” (i.e., either shy and withdrawn, or aggressive and behaviorally challenged), authoritative parenting may not suit them very well. In these cases, authoritarian (for the aggressive child) or permissive parenting (for the withdrawn child) may work better.

If the parenting style you use or would like to use doesn’t jump out at you, consider who has the ultimate control and power in your family. Is it you, your child, or is the control shared between you and child in an appropriate, age and temperament-conscious manner?

How you decide to raise your child or children is completely up to you. There is no one “correct” way to parent children in today’s society. Although a balanced approach to parenting, as found in the authoritative style, is considered ideal by many, this is not to suggest that parents who use authoritarian or permissive methods are “wrong.” It’s important to keep in mind that many parents aren’t religiously set in only one of the three parenting styles. It is quite common for parents to use various techniques and methods from all three styles; often without even realizing it. For example, you may be authoritarian in one particular area, yet completely permissive in other. Where you ultimately choose to be authoritarian, permissive and authoritative depends on your values, beliefs, ideals, family dynamics, and, perhaps most importantly, your individual child or children. Many children actually need one type of parenting style above the others, and you may find you need to use different parenting styles for each of your children, depending on their needs and temperament. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with different techniques of the different styles of parenting to find out which type (or combination) is best for your child and your family.

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