Q: I’ve been a married, stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years, and have been miserable for most of them. I have been so involved with nurturing and caring for the needs of everyone else that I have been lost by the wayside. I have no friends, help, support or life of my own. How do I regain my sanity and independence?

-M. Grant

A: Hi M. Grant,

I know there are a lot of mothers and wives reading your message today who have had or are experiencing the “lost by the wayside” feeling you described. As is usually the case in my column, I’m sure many of my experienced and helpful readers will share their ideas and strategies below for your benefit. Your story highlights the potential danger that lies in investing all of one’s time in other people’s happiness. As a mother, this is a very noble gesture indeed, but there is often a high personal price to pay when you give absolutely no time and energy to yourself. You ask, “How do I regain my sanity and independence back?”

First, counseling will always be helpful in this situation, but there are also countless other things you can do to break this cycle. For example, you could do volunteer work at a variety of places, involve yourself in a group that shares a hobby that interests you, or take a class in a subject you enjoy. The bottom line is this: You have to create change in your life. Your current situation is a bit like standing in the rain, and being frustrated and upset about getting wet. If you don’t want to get wet, you have to get out of the rain. The same analogy works here. In short, if you truly want to spend some time finding the “lost” you, you simply must take action, inject some new activities into your normal routine and expand your personal boarders.