I just got a follow up email from one of the photogs I reached out to for engagement pics. She asked me if I was still interested and I basically said “no, thanks. we’ve decided to go in another direction.”

I was completely thrown by her next email “I completely understand, and had figured as much since I hadn’t heard from you. If you don’t mind, can you tell me who you selected and why? This just helps me know what things I may want to change in the future to be of better service to others.”

That’s a completely valid question, but is it normal? And how do I respond to something like that without coming off as insulting? Because truthfully, I didn’t choose her bc when I put her portfolio and recent work (from her blog) up against the photog I chose, I thought my photographer’s work was better and it was a better fit for me, stylistically. But I can’t say that, can I?

Yes, this has happened to me with almost all vendors I did not choose. They also asked WHO else I chose. The photog was the worst, because I had to explain like, oh it’s not you, it’s just me and wanting a different “style”. What I was trying not to say is, their pictures are better than yours. So then he sends me a follow-up email, saying how he wishes I had given him a chance, and thought we could have gotten along really well. Weird? It’s kind of like having to break up with people…

This hasn’t happened to me before, but I’ve heard it happen to other people. I would be totally honest with her about your reasons, in the most tactful way possible, because it could really help her out.

I would respond honestly (but nicely!) If there was something specific that you were looking for but they didn’t have (and the vendor you chose did have), I would include that as well. Hopefully that makes sense…

I would say be honest, but kind (of course). The vendor may genuinely want to improve. So if you wanted, say, a less posed sort of style with more attention to little details or something, telling her that may give her guidance for how to work on diversifying her portfolio and getting more clients. A little gentle information about where she isn’t meeting the needs of potential clients should be a welcome thing to any vendor! (And if she’s unreasonable and gets annoyed– who cares? You’re using someone else anyway, and she’s the one who asked!)

Ooh, I haven’t gotten that question, but I understand it’s awkward. At least with photographers, style really is a huge part of it, so you can honestly just say that instead of having to explain something like “their food tasted better than yours and cost $4000 less”. I’d be as honest as you can without being hurtful, and just emphasize the style difference (candid shots? artsy detail pictures? fisheye panoramas? whatever) rather than the talent, and say that’s what swayed you in the end.

I’ve totally had that happen with a photographer. I never wanted the guy and wasn’t even considering him. My mom’s former friend is now married to a photographer. I can’t stand the guy. I think he’s disguisting and a sleeze ball and he has even directly told me (before I was engaged) that he hates doing wedding and completely jacks up his prices so he doesn’t have to deal with “bitchy brides”. Fast forward to me getting engaged and he now does weddings (he’s really hurting for cash) and he just automatically assumes that I will be using him and he started e-mailing me. I had to explain that that wasn’t the case and I tried to do so very politely. He didn’t take it well and got really defensive. He started asking me why I wasn’t using him and who I was using instead and how much I was paying them. I responded very tactifully but didn’t include a price because I don’t think that’s any of his business. He continued to e-mail me and badger me and even told me I was foolish for turning down his services.

My advice to you would be to respond to the first e-mail and be polite answering with whatever you feel comfortable with. After that, I wouldn’t respond to any e-mails or calls. You don’t have an obligation to communicate with these people. You made your decision, they need to move on.

that is kind of odd. i think it’s a perfectly valid question and if you have the time, doesn’t hurt to respond and tell her why. but i agree, after that you don’t have to be in contact with them anymore. you chose someone else for a reason so just say it tactfully and you should be fine.

Well, as a photographer, it is nice to know why we weren’t booked. Was it a service issue? Quality issue? Price? etc…

BUT, it is up to you and you shouldn’t be asked WHO you used.

I would respond truthfully and just say, “Thanks for all the help. I loved this and this about you, however, in the end, another photographer had a better album selection that we loved more. Thank you for your time.” Like people said, gentle honesty goes a long way and will indeed help other brides in the future.

I had one caterer ask why I didn’t choose them. The honest answer is that they were the most expensive one and the sample menu they did for us sounded absolutely disgusting: unappetizing choices in unappealing combinations. Also, they have a very mixed reputation locally and we chose a caterer about who we’d heard nothing but positive comments. I told them all this, but in a toned down and subtle way (I hope). I thought they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t really want to know.

He called to follow-up as I had previously gotten a quote from them. This is how the conversation went down:

Him: May I ask who you decided to go with and why?

Me: (A little thrown off but I understood where he was coming from!) Sure! We are going with Vanrock Sound and honestly, we chose them because of cost and we saw them at a fashion show and liked their work.

Him: What price did you get them for? (in a rudeish tone)

Me: (really put-off at this point I felt as if I didn’t have to answer this question but seen as we asked if they could do any better to fit in our price range and they said they couldn’t I thought that he should know that he is overpriced in his market) I said that we got full-service DJ and MC for $695 no tax for 7.5 hours. (covers cocktail reception, dinner and dancing all night)

Him: Oh! I’m sorry we don’t get to work with you (in a condescending tone) – and he hung up without waiting for me to say anything!

I was so put-off by the whole phone call. I was being very nice and I didn’t have to answer his questions at all. The least he could’ve done was say Have a nice wedding etc. And he was seriously over priced for all of the same services they were $980 plus tax!