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Thursday, February 18, 2010

I just want to recommend this movie for everyone to watch...its called "Front of the Class"
is based on the true story of Brad Cohen -- played in the movie by Jimmy Wolk -- who, "after being challenged by Tourette's syndrome from a very young age, defies all odds to become a gifted teacher.
This is a very good movie with good messages.
the two message that stands out for me is to "Never give up and Stand up for what you believe."...
Now, I wanted to talk about this issue since this movie is somewhat related to what I go through since childhood.
I have a case of OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)...and it is sort of similar to Tourette Syndrome.OCD - is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by combinations of such thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). Tourette Syndrome -is an inherited neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in childhood, characterized by the presence of multiple physical (motor) tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic; these tics characteristically wax and wane.
You can probably tell the difference between the two with the short definition i provided from wikipedia actually.
From Childhood, i hated reading but had no choice of course because I have to...Im in school. I repeat the words and sentences twice even though I know exactly what it means.Why I do it, I cant really explain it well...i have visions in my head that becomes a rule that I have to do it...there, I tried.
Sometimes it causes me stress...its so weird coz I dont even know what "stress" means back then. On first grade..one of my classmate said that I whisper and im loud when I read...I replied that whispering is not loud., but we cant really do that either when its called "silent reading" in class.
I had to find a cover up or do something quick about it coz I dont want to allow myself to do that kind of stuff anymore. So i practiced repeating the words only in my head, but my lips plays a big role too.my lips move when I read like im mumbling very quietly....so far it works, but I guess it only works in school since i felt that I really need to hold myself back...I don't even know what OCD means back then, I dont think a lot of people does...I refer to them as "manerisms",..as what my parents taught me of what it was and it will go away as I grow older... I had to wait till eight grade to learn all about it on my own.
With that said it didnt go away...I had more weird related behaviors coming in as I grow older...I use to tick my head left and right so its even both sides, I had to hold my breath for a couple of seconds and has to land on an even number, Touching my knees at least four times when im running, avoiding green color before I go to sleep...these are just my examples...I actually had a lot more and my sister had to remind me some of what I use to do...When Someone notices that im doing something weird, its just normal for me to make an excuse now...but im usually good at hiding it in the public and wait till I get home.
The OCD that stayed with me since childhood was the reading issue. its still is a problem on so many levels for me today, its like a high and low situation. the real purpose of my blogs is to practice for me trying to remove my OCD reading behaviors forever(on a daily basis). Its been with me for a very long period of time and I don't even know why im trying to get rid of it. Its really irritating and annoying coz sometimes its wors't than usual and it causes me to not even try sometimes.
The more stuff I do outside with friends, at work and School,the more abnoral behaviors and short rituals I do at home...I try to avoid negative vibes and situations that might possibly ignite any of the weird behaviors that I do...even if I have to avoid invitations and opportunities, I had to anticipate ahead of time.
Just imagine me editing this posts, you can compare it to me reading a fifty pages book.
I read somewhere online that OCD can be cured, but Tourette's has no cure yet. I guess my hopes are still there wishing that the urges and itch goes away...I think that OCD is all Psychological.
I've done so many test and exercise for my own good to get rid of all these behaviors, but all it does postpone the urges.
wow this is like my confession post...I guess im ok to let people know about it now.
It hasn't affected me socially or my life outside since I've learned to control it in public but it does affect me mentally and get's me aggrevated for no reason, or sometimes just short tempered on anyone.
Im really tired, i'll be so relieved if it goes away which I doubt.