The Land That Time Forgot is a movie that soon won’t be remembered. There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with this modern adaptation of The Land That Time Forgot other than it being thoroughly uninteresting from start to finish. So forgettable is this Asylum updating of Edgar Rice Burrough’s classic novel that the details were already beginning to fade from my memory even as the film droned on.

People on a boat in the Bermuda Triangle get caught in a bad storm. Mysterious bright light – bam! They all awaken adrift with no working instruments, means of communication, or clue where they are. They spot an island in the distance and soon discover it to be populated by hungry prehistoric dinosaurs and some other castaways seemingly lost in time, including the initially unfriendly crew of a stranded German U-Boat. They struggle to stay alive long enough to get off the island while I struggle to stay awake long enough to finish the movie.

A rather haggard looking C. Thomas Howell (who also directs) periodically attempts to ham it up as a man opining for his much younger and hotter young wife who goes missing along with the boat not long after he leaves her behind going ashore. Timothy “That’s My Bush!” Bottoms manages to be soft-spoken even when yelling and plays the ship’s captain at times as if he were auditioning for a role on a 1970’s Sid & Marty Krofft Saturday Morning series. Lindsey McKeon, formerly of “Saved by the Bell: The New Class”, is there for tight tank top and screaming duty.

It may be based on a classic piece of literature but this version of The Land That Time Forgot feels more like the movie that plot forgot. There obviously wasn’t much of a budget for digital dino action so that meant most of the time would be spent with the zero-dimensional characters sitting around talking about their situation or playing “Gilligan’s Island” constructing thingamajigs out of spare parts and scrap heaps to help them escape. It plays like a movie that could have been geared towards the whole family except for a few fleeting moments of gore and a few unnecessary uses of the f-word. Would probably just bore this kids into a stupor like the rest of us.

The movie ends with C. Thomas Howell potentially trapped forever on an unknown island never to be seen again. If only.

I think this is a pretty damned unfair review. This is one of the best Asylum films I’ve seen to date. There’s some pretty striking cimematography at times, and the T-Rex effects are a far cry beyond what I’ve seen them attempt in the past. A few shots are on par with the big boys. No plot? If anything, it becomes slightly convoluted with the Bermuda triangle incorporation. There were many points of good tension, the turning point with the traitorous soldiers is unexpected, and I can go on like this for a while. Mostly, this one was just plain fun. Bottoms is in top form chewing the scenary as a skiddish pseudo coward, and Howell (though flat a bit in his delivery) cooks up some well composited shots. I usually agree with your reviews, but I believe bias got the better of you on this one. Good flick.

Foywonder

Bias got the better of me? I’d have sworn I gave good reviews to Asylum’s The Terminators and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus just this past summer. No, bias did not get the better of me here, but boredom sure did. I don’t know what you found so fun about this snoozer but so be it.

Gus Bjork

*sigh*

I was hopeful.

XxExVxRx

Well, Timothy Bottoms was the dad in the 90’s revival of Land of the Lost, so it seems fitting that he would ham it up again.