Item: The bumbling, incompetent amateurs at Al-Obambi, in yet another blatant attempt to undermine our efforts in the war against man-caused disasters terrorism, released heretofore classified documents outlining US interrogation methods against Al-Obambi collaborators enemy combatants.

The methods authorized include keeping detainees naked for long periods, keeping them in a painful standing position for long periods and depriving them of solid food. Other tactics included using a plastic neck collar to slam detainees into walls, keeping the detainee’s cell cold for long periods and beating and kicking the detainee. Sleep deprivation, prolonged shackling and threats to a detainee’s family were also used.

Treasonous asscrusts like Opponents such as the Anti-American Cuntmuffins’ Lapdogs Union Anti-American Cuntmuffins’ Lapdogs Union have long bleated argued that these methods are ineffective in extracting useful information from Al-Obambi collaborators enemy combatants.

Item: Former Vice-President with more cojones than in the entire Demoscum Party Dick Cheney went on record saying, in effect, “Hey, if you’re going to release those memos, release the ones that also say these methods, y’know, actually work.”

“One of the things that I find a little bit disturbing about this recent disclosure is they put out the legal memos, the memos that the CIA got from the Office of Legal Counsel, but they didn’t put out the memos that showed the success of the effort,” Cheney said.

Cheney said he’s asked that the documents be declassified because he has remained silent on the confidential information, but he knows how successful the interrogation process was and wants the rest of the country to understand.

“It is certainly the intention of this administration not to play hide and seek, or not to release certain things,” said Holder. “It is not our intention to try to advance a political agenda or to try to hide things from the American people.”

[...]

Holder said he wasn’t sure exactly which memos Cheney is referring to, because he hasn’t seen them. The attorney general suggested such classified documents may exist at other agencies.

“I’m the attorney general and I don’t control many of the memos you might be talking about,” said Holder.

Bullshit, Erica. You run the InJustice Department; you have control over the memos. And it’s not like these things are rogue documents strewn about all over the place like data on a fragmented hard drive. They’re in the same general area; you, figuratively speaking, are looking up around the ceiling while the memos are right under your nose.

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)