Selling Is Like Dating: Long-Term Relationships Mean More Than A Quick Sell

Have you been receiving the more-than-usual LinkedIn requests from people who seem to be worth knowing until they instantly slam you with a sales pitch? My instant reaction is to want to school them all on business etiquette. But more importantly, I want to teach them the power of true relationship-based selling. These poor souls are ruining the initial opportunity they were able to create -- the first “yes” from you or me when we accepted their LinkedIn request to connect.

Forming a buyer-seller relationship is like dating or courtship. Just because I’m “at the bar” (in your network) doesn’t mean I’m sending you buying cues. And just because I’m not available to "date” you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still nurture our new friendship, since I could possibly introduce you to someone who is interested and an ideal relationship. More importantly, our “first date” (initial connection) is just the beginning. Assuming a quick sale is gutsy for sure -- but not the best play in your playbook if you want to turn this into a long-term situation that keeps on giving.

Here are some real messages I’ve received after accepting a LinkedIn request:

• "Thanks for connecting with me! I just wanted to reach out and ask if you’re interested in growing your coaching business. I help women coaches scale their business to get a steady stream of clients. Is this something that would interest you?"

• "I was wondering if an all in one e-learning solution is on the horizon for your company this year. If so, please have a quick look at samples of our e-learning materials at xyz.com."

• "If you are curious to see how our company works, I'm able to offer a sneak peek of our software via an online demonstration and a completely free, no-obligation trial that allows you to see fresh leads pouring into your sales funnel!"

• "I have a hook up for you if you want to get booked on XYZ Podcasts — a hook-up that might get you 5-10 new bookings by the end of the month without any cold calling on your part, and it requires less than two hours a week of your time."

• "Now that we are connected, let’s explore ways to support each other. What’s the biggest challenge you are facing in your business right now?"

On that last one, I responded, “At least take me out on a date first." His response was, “Ha!” and I never heard from him again.

It’s easy to copy and paste a message to many prospects and play the numbers game. Any one of us could be one of these people. I’ve even been guilty of it until someone put me in my place.

Nowadays, I’ve become so much more skeptical of LinkedIn requests. I no longer hit accept right away. I spend time looking at someone’s profile, and more specifically, I look at how they engage with others to determine if they are simply “cruising for a quickie” on LinkedIn. I can actually smell someone’s sell! And most potential buyers can do so as well.

In today’s buying world, the differentiator is the relationship. Buyers have the luxury of doing research to figure out whether they'll actually buy from you before even talking to you.

Whether you’re guilty of this or your sales team is, here are some ways to build a better online relationship that leads to a happy marriage:

1. Do your research. Is the connection you want a potential client or referral/connector?

2. Find someone who can introduce you to the person you want to connect with. This will get you a faster response, and it creates credibility.

3. When your connection request is accepted, say thank you. You can even supplement it with "Looking forward to getting to know you better."

4. Watch your new connections’ activities and behaviors. You'll eventually find ways to add value to another reach-out conversation, such as, “I just read this article and I thought it might interest you because of the work you do.” Or maybe introduce them to someone of value for their business. I do this with my podcast when introducing CEO guests to other CEO guests.

5. Pay attention to their buying cues towards you. Did they like something you posted? This means you’ve engaged them in some way and they’re starting to pay attention to what you do, which leads to the know-like-trust factor in relationship-building.

6. Know enough about their industry or business to have a conversation. And do so when the opportunity is right.

7. Take your relationship to the next level after the few touch points you've created. Ask for a “date” (conversation). Then focus the conversation on them. They will eventually reciprocate and ask about you out of politeness. Take that moment to shine, but don’t go overboard and feel tempted to sell. Through active listening, you should be able to pick up on their needs and wants without having to ask them. When it’s time to talk about you, you’ll be able to share what you do, which just might be something that solves a problem they (or a colleague) are having.

Many connections have started in a bar, even when people weren’t looking for love. Real relationships will blossom when managed professionally, with manners and a little bit of “romance." Want to create a relationship with me? Connect with me on LinkedIn and mention how much you loved this article, and you’ll surely get my attention.

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only, fee-based organization comprised of leading business coaches and career coaches. Members are hand-selected by the Council’s selection committee. Find out if you qualify at forbescoachescouncil.com/qualify.