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Sunday, December 24, 2006

What do deniers give each other for Christmas?

Author: Nicholas Terry

Though there's a school of radical revisionists which holds to the view that Christmas is in fact a gigantic Hoax perpetrated by the retail industry on the world every year, the fact remains that to the best of our knowledge, the majority of our erstwhile opponents, in print and online, celebrate Christmahannukwanzakaa. Well, maybe not the -hannukwanzakaa bit, but you know what I'm talking about.

Yes, it's that time of year, Yuletide Eve, when even diehard Holocaust deniers must surely be gathering round the chimney, not in order to examine it for any traces of carbonised corpses, but to await whatever it is Santa and his little helpers have brought the happy revisionist household that year. All of which begs the question: what could, would or should Holocaust deniers be getting for Christmas?

For some, the answer's fairly easy. For others, we can only speculate.

We're pretty sure that IHR maven Greg Raven will be getting that cut-price bargain video of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' fairytale wedding that the Church of Scientology must be marketing to their flock of sheep right about now.

IHR boss Mark Weber, meanwhile, is surely to be given his 25th 'how to complete your book manuscript' guide, seeing as how it's been only 25 years since he wrote to David Irving promising the revisionist blockbuster The Final Solution: Legend and Reality. And maybe a thesaurus as well.

Paul Grubach will get a letter-writing kit so he can practice the calligraphy of his signature for his next missive to a head-of-state or chief executive of an NGO.

Friedrich Paul Berg will be given his umpteenth model German truck to play with, though we also suspect that he may well be rewarded with a year-long prescription to anti-Alzheimer's drug Aricept.

David Irving, meanwhile, will surely get a copy of the critical edition of the Anne Frank Diary from daughter Jessica, a smack in the gob from Bente and his own TV series from Fox entitled Desperate Louse Lies. Without, we hasten to add, any sign of Teri Hatcher or Eva Longoria on-set. Dang!

Richard Krege will get a new lawnmower specially designed to trim in between the patio stones, or the Treblinka monument, so that it'll be dual-purpose.

Joe Bellinger gets a complete annotated and mistranslated set of the Talmud.

Christopher Bollyn is getting a downloaded copy of 'Loose Change' on a CD-ROM. And a Christmas card scrawled 'FUCK YOU' from his former buddies at AFP.

Ingrid Rimland will give hubby Ernst Zündel a matchbook with the ad saying "if you can draw Skippy, you can earn big money as an artist".

Ernst will give Ingrid "some good German black bread" and another yeat of not having to sleep with him.

Apparently, Carlo Mattogno and Robert Faurisson stopped exchanging Christmas cards in 1995, but there's been no communication breakdown within the Mattogno family. This means that Mattogno's brother, Catholic fundamentalist antisemite Gian Pio, will no doubt be gifting his sibling yet another copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, this time in Polish, which will cause bro' Carlo to grit his teeth and make a wan but sickly smile in front of the aunts and uncles of the Mattogno clan, but which he will rush away the instant the family dinner is over to devour.

The rest of the Mattogno family have apparently clubbed together to get Carlo a barbecue grill to replace the one he set on fire accidentally conducting impromptu cremation experiments with salt beef, since this was the most Jewish meat he could think of trying to carbonise.

Jürgen Graf will find all the latest Ron Jeremy DVDs in his stocking, so that Graf can reassure himself that Jewish pornstars really do have bigger penises than he does.

Alas, poor Sylvia Stolz won't be getting what she wants for Weihnachten this year, a little (Horst) Mahler, and will have to make do with a black-white-red-painted dildo instead. Double alas, the patriotically-painted dildo will turn out to be a leftover from the days of the Kameradschaften so Stolz will try and take it back to the store in case Michael Kühnen sat on it once.

Germar Rudolf's another one who's spending Xmas behind bars, but thanks to his personal website, we know what he put on his wishlist long ago. Mainly really bad 80s pop music and oldies, so it's been decided chez Rudolf that the young boy needs livening up, and thus he'll be receiving Slayer's 'Reign in Blood' and Tool's 'Undertow' albums instead. To complement the Tool CD, he'll also be getting rear-opening pajamas.

Alexander Baron will get the new book 'How to Live on a Prison Diet'.

But let's not forget our online friends at alt.revisionism, the Cesspit and RODOH.

Scott Smith, our favourite denier and owner of RODOH, is probably getting another model German truck like his friend Freaky Freddy Berg.

Claudia Rothenbach is to get a gift certificate to pay for gender-reassignment surgery at Johns Hopkins.

A.S. Marques will be getting a case of King Oliver sardines.

RiverCola will be getting a bullet in the head followed by an exhaustive forensic examination by a neutral commission of investigators, who will then present the results to him in his coffin.

For SeymoreG, we've heard that Martha Stewart's Ephraimite Guide To Entertaining has been wrapped up and placed under the tree down under in New Zealand.

His fellow Kiwi Lurkerthe/rodohcodohwatchwatch is being given free psychiatric therapy.

For Herr Wilf 'neugierig' Heink, a set of rabbit hutches and some lettuce.

A crate of Sterno for Matt Giwer.

Tom Moran gets a set of teach-yourself language cassettes. In English.

New tinfoil and a special Xmassy tinsel variant for Scott Bradbury's hat.

IlluSionS667 is being abducted for a get-away-from-it-all holiday season break inside the alien mothership at Newschwabenland.

And finally, Jonny 'Hannover' Hargis, circus ringmaster of CODOH forum, is getting some very special gifts from the cast of The Wizard of Oz: a heart, a brain and some courage....

You know, what would be the best gift ever for Scotty. One of those $4000 original paintings by Adolf that you can buy from that art dealer online. I'm convinced he already has one or two at home on his wall. After all as a single guy (with a "room mate") and a good job he should have a lot of spending money and be able to afford orignal "Hitlers". But I see him as the guy who coud never have enough Hitler memorabilia that he can pray to. So how about we put together some money for Scotty's next birthday or X-mas.

Lurker wrote:"I would be happy to meet up with anyone who was interested - always fascinating to see the enenmy."

Sorry, but you are not the enemy. People who murder others for their race or their religion are the enemy but not you. You are just a mildly funny (if repititive) joke. As such you won't find many people who are fascinated by you or eager to meet you. Sure, we read your drivel and laugh about it. Driving out to Oranienburg on the other hand is a bit too much to ask. Sorry!

I agree with Sobe... and, after all, when Mr. Lurker meets Xcalibur at Birkenau in September 2007 (you were still planning on that, weren't you Mr. Lurker, I mean, as long as "courage" is your issue?),I feel most confident that Mr. Lurker will have been cured of many of his habits and won't be posting here anymore.