Thursday, April 10, 2008

“Look, I know it’s frustrating, but I have to work here with assholes like me everyday.”

“I’m sorry. You seem to be under the impression that because you gave us money, we owe you something.”

“You see down here at the bottom, it says ‘fuck you for thinking your ticket would be honored.’”

If God had intended for babies to fly, they’d be born with a plastic bag to pull over their heads.

“I’m sorry, you purchased your ticket using a credit card, and what you need to get to New York is a pocket full of dreams and a unicorn, not credit.”

“And are you going to be needing a nearby hotel room with dead hooker blood on the bed?”

“This goes straight into the turbines, right?”

“So, I was like ‘big deal, do we really need electrical wiring to fly?’”

“…then… um, 9/11 and stuff… you know…”

“Fine… I am an utter failure, but thanks to government bailouts, I am rich and successful beyond your coach-ticket-ass’s wildest dreams. Suck my nuts… oh I’m sorry, we can’t give you any nuts.”

2:1 odds on the brunette broad.

I feel even worse for her boyfriend back home who has to sit on the phone for 8 hours and listen to her bitch about her flight delays.

In response to concerns over the safety of their planes and their ability to honor tickets, American Airlines PR department release this photo of rosemary shrimp they plan to serve to first class passengers on Asian flights, which, surprisingly, didn’t fix the 3,000 canceled flights.

AA may be the most inneficient failure with the word "American" on it right now, and that's saying a lot.