“I’m lonely. Will you put on this hoodie so I can velcro myself to you and pretend you’re my friend?” It’s pretty much foolproof.

Editorial note:Whoa! You’ve found a super-old post here on BuzzFeed, from an earlier era of the site. It doesn’t really represent where we are anymore, and may in fact be totally broken, but we’re leaving it up as a part of our early history.