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Saturday, March 17, 2012

Our Decent into Hell part II

After what seemed like an eternity, a nurse came and lead us to the Labor and Delivery wing of the hospital. It seemed like a cruel joke...the L & D floor is supposed to be one of the happiest places on Earth, right up there with the Caribbean, Walt Disney World, and Somerset mall. A place where two become three...where you walk into the room as a couple and walk out as a family. It is not the place where I expected to be when my world was crumbling around me and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest slowly.....

The hospital room looked like an ordinary hospital room in the L & D floor....it had a nice flat panel tv opposite the hospital bed, a nice large bathroom, a large chair, and a couch that pulled out to a bed. It was painted in a cheery yellow color...the room was nothing like I thought it should look as my world was ending...

The first person who came into our room was our nurse. She was one of the nicest people we met while we were there and she helped to shape our entire experience. It was about noon and she told us to order some food and have some lunch. She talked to us about what to expect while we were there, the medicine they would give me, how long induction could take, what the epidural would look like, when we would be able to have sex again and about eating and drinking while in labor. She also talked to us about what to expect with our baby...that we could hold her afterwards if we wanted. That we would need to think about funeral arrangements or what we wanted to do with her. That we would need to decide on if we wanted an autopsy done. She also told us that our baby wouldn't look like a normal baby because she was only 25 weeks....she would be really small and her eyes would still be closed. I don't think I had ever been so scared in my entire life...how were we going to get through this labor and delivery knowing that our daughter wasn't alive???

While we were waiting for our lunch to arrive, my nurse took my vitals. I had a temperature, my blood pressure was crazy high, my entire body was very puffy, and I was complaining of a headache and a back ache. They seemed the most worried about my blood pressure because it was really high, but to me it made sense because I had just been told that my baby was dead...of course my blood pressure was high. They ran some tests and we waited for the results. While we were waiting they came with our lunch. I ate about half of my food but as hungry as I was with every bite I ate I felt like I was gonna vomit.

While we were eating my best friend called (our cells worked in our room). She asked if we wanted her to do anything before coming to the hospital. She decided that she was going to go to our house, take our dogs out and try to feed them and bring us some items that we might need while we were at the hospital (we were very grateful that she decided what needed to be done cuz neither of us could think at the time).

After we had finished lunch our nurse came in with the results...I had an infection in my uterus and I was preeclamptic. They started me on an IV medication for the infection and magnesium for the preeclampsia. And with the magnesium I was not allowed to get out of bed, I had to be catheterized, and I was not allowed to eat or drink...just ice chips from now till 24 hours after our baby was born.

By this point both my parents and my husbands parents had arrived. There was lots of hugs and crying. We met with a lot of people from the hospital that day too. More people than I can even recall. We met with a deacon who prayed with us and tried to answer some of our questions. We met with a social worker who gave us information on support groups and grieving. It seems like every few minutes someone new was coming in the room. An hour or so later Alyssa (BFF who went to my house to take my dogs out) arrived (it should be mentioned that she is a doctor at a different hospital in their ER).

As the hours wore on my condition stayed the same. I was shaking pretty bad because of the preeclampsia. My temperature and blood pressure continued to rise. To make matters worse I was starving and so thirsty. For the record, ice chips do NOTHING to help when you are thirsty. Our parents went downstairs to get dinner while Alyssa and my husband stayed with me. A little while later the doctor came in to get my epidural set up...I didn't want to feel anything. Our nurse held my shoulders while my husband held my hands and the doctor stuck a huge needle in my back. Me legs started to feel funny almost right away....I could feel them and I could move my toes but I couldn't move my legs. When our parents got back from dinner my husband and Alyssa went down to get something to eat. I remember being super jealous of everyone who got to eat.

The rest of the night was pretty much more of the same. A lot of crying, a lot of hospital people coming in and out of the room, me being starving and thirsty, and either Alyssa or my husband feeding me ice chips. Around 7pm our nurse came to say goodbye. Her shift was over and she was going home. We had only known her for a few hours but a large part of me wanted to scream and beg her to stay...there was no way our next nurse would be as amazing.

My in-laws left around 9pm...they had a 45 minute drive home and it was going to snow that night. Around 10:30pm my husband and Alyssa went to our house to take our dogs out again and spend a few minutes playing with them. My parents stayed with me until they returned. About 11 that night the doctors came in to check my progress and give me some more medication. I was only dilated to one so we still had a long way to go.

I tired to sleep that night...but I couldn't get comfortable. I kept turning my head from one side to another cuz thats about all I could move. About midnight they came in to give me something to help me sleep. I think I only slept for a few minutes. My husband and Alyssa got back to the hospital about 2am (its like 45 minutes from the hospital to my house and it was snowing). My parents then left and went to a hotel in town.

About 3am Brian and Alyssa decided to try to get some sleep...Alyssa took the chair and Brian had the couch (they thought the chair was comfortable and that is why Brian gave it to her). I think Brian fell asleep pretty much right away. Alyssa however did not sleep that night...every time Id look at her Id open my mouth and she'd give me ice chips. A few times she gave me water.

About 4am the doctor came in to check on my progress. I had not made much more progress and they gave me another dose of medication....it looked like this was gonna take a long time.....