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If Only! 'Columbus Day Cancelled' & 9 Other Long-Overdue Headlines

Vincent Schilling

2/19/14

Considering all of the news Native American people see on a daily basis that is tough to stomach—why not have a bit of fun? We all know those news stories we would like to see happen, so we thought we would take some time to construct a few.

Here are 10 headlines Natives would love to see:

President Obama Forces Government to Honor All Treaties

In a stunning move by the President Barack Obama has decided to honor all of those old Native American treaties created throughout history. President Obama also told all of those affected Native Americans, “to get ready to move back to your ancestral lands, get paid back for all of those resources used over the years and check all of your mailboxes tomorrow for a big, fat check.”

Snyder Agrees Redskins is Offensive

In a surprising turn of events, Redskins team owner Dan Snyder has broken down and admitted his team’s name is racially insensitive. “I actually feel kinda bad about it and I realize the games my dad and I went to as a kid have nothing to do with another culture’s feelings.” After talking with a stadium packed full of game-goers Snyder also said, “Yeah, money also had a lot to do with it.”

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How about:
President Obama Pardons Leonard Peltier
or maybe
Senate & Congress Agree to change Thanksgiving to Native American Day
or since we're dreaming . . .
Republicans agree to higher tax rate for the rich to set aside reparations for Native Americans.