Okay, so I got a lot of texts and emails in response to my
last post. Suffice it to say by
the title - they weren’t bon mots.

I was called everything from a hypocrite, to a fake, to a
real lying, cheating scumbag of the highest caliber to self-indulgent. I got called some other stuff too, but
it was mean and I’d rather not give it credence on this blog.

These were messages from females who have my phone
number. Ladies who I thought had
my back and were my friends. I
think it’s notable that these were all women.

I am sorry for coming of as “sanctimonious”, “better than
everyone else”, “egotistical”, “self satisfied” and “unfunny” [1]

My excuses:

A) I had a mad deadline to meet for this blogetty
thingy. I was late. And I was
stressed out. I’m not a
confessional writer unless I’m composing an email to a friend. This whole open your heart up, write
about your life and be witty thing is a bit out of my range. [2]

B) Women have never liked me.

I’m not sure why.
I certainly love women.

I do everything in my power to support women. I actively engage in women’s causes,
attend events, I give money, time and energy to women. Yet, my biggest critics, nay my sole
critics, remain female.

C) In ALL the times I’ve been heckled, the heckler was a
woman.

This past week I walked into a
club and saw a table full of drunken women.

As I approached the stage they
seemed to be sharpening their talons waiting for me.

And they went at it.

Obnoxious, drunken, nonsensical
rambling. I couldn’t even
challenge it, since I did not understand what the heck they were saying. (guess that’s why the call them hecklers! Har har) – yeah, I know. Hack.

Supporting evidence

Exhibit A: When
an obnoxious audience member threw a glass of wine at Tammy Pescatelli while
she was performing onstage last week, my immediate thought was- “I bet it was a
woman”!

And I was right.

In fact, very few men will heckle a female comic but women
go for it. I’m not sure why that
is.

Exhibit B: I got
a fat lip this spring thanks to a woman’s fist.

You read that right.

A woman punched me in a bar. Why? Because she thought that gay kids who couldn’t handle
bullying and killed themselves were simply an example of the thinning of the
herd. I disagreed.

Exhibit D: I was
mentoring a high school girl two summers ago and took her to an open mic. When we got in and I saw a bunch of
young female comics in the back of the room I said to my mentee, “Listen, I’m
going to be heckled and made fun of.
Don’t feel bad or worry about me.
I’m used to it. I’m cool.”

Afterwards she frantically told her Mother what she
witnessed.

At this point it had become old hat and so boring to me that
I forgot how weird that must look to an outsider.

Cross Examination

Q: So what am I doing posting on a women’s blog?

A: I’m not sure.
They all seem to like me here.
But, for all I know they are conspiring behind my back, throwing parties
and having barbecues without me. [5]

Closing Argument:

I) Hey, here’s a promo video of the women’s festival where I
produce a Stand-Up show! That’s
right, a stand up comedy show featuring ALL WOMEN. [6]

II) I also do a regular show called Moons Over My Hammy
where I put up comics of all kinds but I’m especially fond of giving ladies
stage time and attention.

Still not convinced?

I can also provide you with the name and number of my ex
girlfriend who will totally vouch for my good qualities. I swearsies! She thinks I’m the shizz! [7]

The Defense rests.

The Saturday post will be taken over by one of the wonderful
women in the bio section. Thank you for reading.

My Projects:

Come to my show Moons
Over My Hammy at Otto’s Shrunken Head. (http://www.ottosshrunkenhead.com) I
cannot stress this enough. I am proud of this show in spite of everything. Please come support live comedy. I feature upcoming and seasoned performers
every week. Check my website,
Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn for more details. You can also email me at moons@maribethmooney.com

Finally, attend and support Stand Up for Estro (http://estrogenius.org)
this is my other baby! Very funny women, very strong tight show, new women
every week! Only an hour and a
half. A mere
$5 buckeroonies! Let’s hang!

Peace out.

XOXO, M

[1] I take umbrage against all the accusations except the
last one. I went back and reread
the post, nary a giggle did I.

[2] I like to write jokes. Many of my jokes seem like they are stories from my real
life, full disclosure-they are not.
If jokes bear any semblance to my actual experiences they are greatly
distorted and exaggerated to bring out the funny factor. I actually sit at a computer and
concoct kooky situations and add a punch line or two. I have an over active imagination.

[3]I did not lay a hand on her or anyone. I’ve never hit another person. I did not see it coming. She hit me. I bled into bevnap and went home. Not a very dramatic story. But a traumatic evening nonetheless.

[4] Not sure why I’m presenting these items as exhibits
Your Honor, I just wanted you to know I have plenty of antacids- so please help
yourself. I know great places to
get glasses cheap. I look like this due to lack of slumber. And yes, you may borrow a tissue- they
are the kind with lotion!

[5]Yes, I’m one of those people who always think everyone
is having way more fun than I am.

[6]The rest of the
festival features male actors in plays and or plays written by men with strong
female roles. Men even enjoy
coming to the festival since it is so darn good! We (Estrogenius) love men. But the focus is on Women.