Judith, the suave and sophisticated, is tired. Shehas gone to bed and crawled under the covers. However, I’ve caught her sneaking out and writing about emotional things from her past. She’s informed me that I’m not to publish them on the blog to “blow her cover” (sorry, I couldn’t resist – it just slipped out).

judy has been the one out in public.I am pretty sure she’s trying to keep things light because Judith is so tired (and cranky I might add . . . most unbecoming).My judyJudith personality is not a gimmick, not a joke.I am a person of contradictory extremes. My mind embraces total possibility while my behavior is all-or-nothing. I dive into doing one thing and am consumed by it until the next “possibility” captures my attention. Then I abandon what had been all-consuming and become immersed in something new.

This blog is an example. I find possibilities for posts in almost everything I read, see or experience. Proof: I have bits and pieces of articles, personal experiences, inspirations etc. stored in 934 drafts on this blog! That’s because something intrigued me and then I moved on to my next fascination before I finished the post.

I am fascinated by process rather than product. I like the “doing” better than the “done”.

My curiosity pulls me through lifebut I’m much more like the mad-hatter than Alice – driven wildly from within rather than focused on a way out.

“Do not exalt yourselves above others, but consider all as your equals, recognizing them as the servants of one God.” Abdu’l-Baha, Bahai quotes

Years ago you named me “judyJudith” bridging in one word the essence of my being –the serious and the silly, the public and the private, the secular and the spiritual. I intuitively embraced the name you gave me as part of my cyber-space identity, half tongue in cheek, and half knowing you had identified the truth.

Yesterday morning, before my husband and I put Max to rest, there you are in my office and there you are, again, helping bring clarity to who I am and what I do.

It’s no one’s business what specific issues we were addressing. But I found myself saying . . .amidst ALL the things I say (for the few billions of you who have never been a client of mine, I “tend” to talk a lot and give my opinion a lot – violating all the therapist training I’ve had – another story) . . . amidst all the things I said was what I needed to hear undoubtedly more than you.

We talked about a dream.– where a once beautiful and symbolic piece of jewelry broke into pieces and trying, trying, trying to glue them back together and all attempts failed . . . in the dream.

I vaguely and clearly remember (yesterday was a vague haze of total clarity)saying to you that for all of us, when we stop struggling to put back together what once was we can submit to what is. This the now moment where we can detach from the fantasy, the futile dream of what “SHOULD be, COULD be. This is the moment where detachment opens us up freeing our mind, freeing our spirit. This is the moment, embracing the truth of what is and experiencing the pain of grief, we move on. This is the fleeting moment we can embrace God.

In that very moment I hear my truth – Max’s little body was broken and his spirit needed to be set free.

A LONG time ago another client gave me a moment of truth. I no longer remember details of the session. I DO remember thinking I was brilliant, on the mark with lazer like focus on exactly what that client needed to hear.

The following week she came in with a huge smile announcing that our last session together was a turning point for her and what I said had stayed with her all week. Beaming inwardly (I was trained that a “professional” therapist never outwardly shares their own feelings, experiences or reactions – keep a blank slate at all times), I reply, “Yes, tell me about it” (that’s another thing I learned in training).

My brain turning to a pile of ego-less mushas she recounted something I didn’t remember saying, some throw away words that were insignificant to what I thought was important.

My wonderful M.M., whatever it is that puts the smile on your face are your jewels. I have no idea what those look like. I only know that they are yours and yours alone, I’ve not given them to you.