Friday, March 18, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Chemical Soup

My brain is a collection of chemicals, a soup of antipsychotics, nicotine, tranquilizers, caffeine, adrenaline and cortisol, a collection of chemicals to cope with life, better living through chemistry. I have become accustomed to coping by chemicals, some of these drugs from the doctor to abate the psychotic symptoms in my mind, others are a collection of addiction, as is nicotine and caffeine, I have had other more powerful addictions swimming in my body and brain, amphetamines, tranquilizers, weed, among others, it often seems easier to cope by substances, easier than facing reality, that is not to say all drugs or chemicals in my brain are bad or unhealthy, some are needed by me to control my psychotic thinking and behavior, others I could, and should, do without. Caffeine serves no purpose beyond temporary, brief, energy, nicotine serves no purpose at all, I do it only to not face withdrawal symptoms in body and mind. I get up every morning to a handful of pills even before breakfast, these chemicals and smoking are the first business of the day, food must wait its turn early in the morning. To not take these chemicals and drugs means withdrawal symptoms and pain, mental and physical. I muddle through the day on these chemical crutches, taking them throughout the day, the morning handful of pills is only the first of the day, these handfuls are spread over the entire day, chemicals to wake up, chemicals to work, chemicals to play, chemicals to have sex, chemicals to stop pain, and chemicals to sleep.