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I decided to get a new face. Well, I think it’s actually been my face all along. Right from day one I knew I wanted a hand drawn header which reflected my journey, and featured my gorgeous soul-place and home, the NSW South Coast. I also wanted it to give the sense of what I was about, and therefore what my blog was about. A healthy, simple life. The environment. Art. Creativity. Joy. And embracing my inner clown all the while (including while meditating).

A gorgeous soul I studied with at uni decided to branch out in her career and explore yet another of her many of talents: illustration. Hello synchronicity! From the first moment I saw Lou’s beautiful drawings, I knew I needed her ink on my blog. And so, all prettied up, Raw Once More is ME. Once more.

With enormous thanks to Lou Endicott. Please check out her beautiful illustration blog here. And enjoy the joy and sense of whimsy it brings you.

Art and creativity are such important cornerstones to my life. They form the basis of my career, home, hobbies, purchases, my planning, decision-making, marriage, friendships…. The list goes on. My husband is an artist. I am an artist. My friends are artists. And I’ve recently started recognising just how much of a hidden artist my mum is. So I plan to honour this in future blog posts and give you more insight into my creative life, the creative stars around me, and the creative muses that dance through my days.

Running away seems to be a survival instinct for me. I’m feisty, but when it comes down to the choice of fight or flight, I’m cashing in my frequent flyer points and getting the hell out of wherever. So I’ve been away for a while because I’ve been on the run again. Not literally; I didn’t actually go anywhere, but a section of my brain (officially named The Blog Cortex), packed its bags and hoofed it. I’ve attempted to come back a few times, but discovered The Blog Cortex was only interested in phoning it in from an area with dodgy reception. But today, its back, the bags are unpacked, and the shiny distractions have all been put away.

I think the initial trigger for my vacay from blog land was politics. Australia is in an election year, and quite honestly it’s depressing. That I do mean literally. It’s actually made it hard for me to get up sometimes (hello black dog, my old friend). I’m a deeply political person. I believe in human rights, caring for the environment, compassion, equal access to services etc. You might rightly get the sense I’m a bit left-wing. So political causes, I’m on board with. But I hate politics. Perhaps that’s not strong enough. I detest politics. In Australia at least, our current political landscape consists of posers and bullies, often within the same person. It’s a whole lot of arguing about nothing, calling each other names, clichés, and meaningless diatribe, no policies, and punishing our most vulnerable people in the name of political point scoring. Oh, and senseless bribery. Let’s not forget buying people’s votes with nonsensical incentives. Our politics is sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic, xenophobic and every other form of prejudice you can think of. And at times, downright idiotic. So I hate election years, witnessing billions of dollars are spent achieving nothing but some ego stroking and catchphrase generating.

At the time The Blog Cortex ran for the hills, our then Prime Minister Julia Gillard, was copping a battering from the opposition and her own party for, well, being female. She was then ousted by our Former Prime Minister (who she had ousted earlier), the election was recalled, and the idiocy continued. It was too much. I’m a political person, but I have always wanted this blog to be apolitical. I am known to have the odd rant about politics, but this blog is intended as a sacred, idiot-politician-free zone. But I became so surrounded by idiocy, and so completely and utterly pissed off and depressed by it all, that I couldn’t continue to write about other things when all I wanted to do was scream at these dickheads ruining my country. So The Blog Cortex ran. And kept running.

Then being away from here became a kind of blessing. I decided to take the time out to refocus on why I was here in the first place. What did I want? Why was I blogging? And why, as a self-confessed recovering perfectionist, did I still find fronting up to the page and spewing out my imperfections so scary? I had started to feel inadequate, comparing myself to people who have been blogging for years, and becoming terrified I was just copying every other blogger out there. What was the point of blogging if I wasn’t being original? Except I was. I’ve always written authentically. My blogging voice is still finding and defining itself, but it has been my voice on the page every time. I care about health, the environment, living simply, and ‘finding myself’. So do many other bloggers, so it’s inevitable I’ll write about the same topics as them now and then. But getting it into my head that this was ok was a bit tricky. That it’s ok to be imperfect. That it’s ok to be a beginner. I’ve always felt this need to be the best at everything I do, and being a beginner at things has always been more challenging for me because of it. So I took a bit of time to get the hell over myself, and just be me. The real me, not the perfect me. Read the rest of this entry →

Like most small, country towns, Milton (which is up the road a bit from me here on the NSW South Coast) has a wacky annual festival: The Scarecrow Festival. I don’t know its origins, but as we’re new around town we thought we’d mosey along on Saturday and check it out. It seems there’s a theme every year, and this year was Scary Scarecrows. A touch of Halloween in June, using scarecrows on the street? Strange, but strange is what we like best! And it worked!

locals getting their scarecrow on

On a sunny winter’s day seemingly the entire town had flocked to the main streets for markets, buskers, dancing, rock wall climbing, and betting on where Maisie Moo the cow would, well, poo. Young children dressed as scary scarecrows for the fancy dress competition. A couple of enterprising young girls with pumpkin faces had even decided to busk by singing ‘I’m a Dingle Dangle Scarecrow’. Over. And. Over.

Mr Raw paying the buskers’ salary(yes, that is a water bottle in his pocket and yes, he was happy to see me!)

The highlight of the festival is the scarecrows (which is probably a good thing for a Scarecrow Festival). Local businesses and residents get into the spirit by putting their own themed scarecrow on display. They start appearing at around the start of May, and gradually fill Milton and the surrounding towns with scarecrow goodness. A winner was announced, but sadly we missed the judging. But here’s a few we snapped:

that leotard definitely scared me

this was a big, round pumpkin when they first put it out. But you know what they say… never work with children or vegetables!

we artists are scary folk

Drunken Darth?

another scarecrow looking a little drunk, although the smile on this one makes me think he’s been hitting the harder stuff

quirky considering the business who made it wasn’t even an optometrist, just someone with a good sense of humour

definitely scary! I think this guy tried to pick me up once

I loved this cute ET!

I thought this guy was beautiful

even the church got in on the fun, but I’m not sure scary Jesus is really the look they should be going for

I want my mummy!

burning Pinocchio at the stake… I know I’ve thought about it!

scariest of them all?? Good effort from an accountant’s firm

This is probably the kind of thing I would’ve mocked (but secretly loved) when I was much younger. Now I can proudly state that I really did love it. It was fun, and quaint, entertaining, and hilarious. It brought much-needed visitors to a town that relies on the cash flow of tourists, who tend to visit less often during winter. And it was a demonstration of one of the main reasons we chose to move to a small rural area. Community. The whole community came together to put on a festival, promote it, and enjoy it. Everyone got involved in one way or another. People shouted hello to each other with big smiles on their faces (painted or plain). People celebrated the pure joy that comes from getting together with the whole town to celebrate bundles of straw in costume. We laughed, we watched, we ate, we enjoyed, and we felt like we had found somewhere we belonged.

Oh yes! Any town with this on the main street is a town where we belong!

Does your town have any strange rituals? Festivals? Crazy things on the main street?

Dear Readers, I disappeared (again!). I know it wasn’t that long ago I wrote a post just like this one, but I’ve been in the same guilt zone lately. I had some really shitty days with my illness where my brain had enough trouble remembering my name, let alone writing blog posts. I also had a few things to get sorted out in my head before I returned to the keyboard. So (once again) I’m back. I can now happily guarantee that these disappearances will happen from time to time. Between lupus, ME etc, depression and anxiety, the rest of my life, and those moments where I just need to shut out the world, I’m gonna have to take time out now and then. I’m sure none of you could care less, but as a recovering perfectionist, I’ve had some struggles with not facing up to the screen every day. But, I can finally say I’m now ok with it (I think!).

image by tanahelene

I have also been touched by some gestures made by a couple of lovely bloggers and readers.

So, after making a commitment to write every day, I didn’t post yesterday. I was hoping it wouldn’t be quite so soon before I broke my promise to myself, but I’m proud that I did. It wasn’t due to lack of motivation, procrastination, or even because I was off having a fantastic time somewhere. No. Unfortunately, it was because of my old nemesis; an enemy that likes to regularly interfere with my plans. You see, I am chronically ill. My body wages war on itself. I have several autoimmune conditions, like a warped lottery list of free gifts you hope never to win: SLE (lupus), sjogrens, fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, vasculitis. There’s more, but that’s enough of a list for one post!

I try to live as normal a life as possible. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don’t. In the past I’ve fought it. I’ve refused to give into my illness and rampaged through life, in denial and determined to show my body who’s boss. Touring the world for a year, working up to 16 hours a day, seven days a week, comes to mind as a clear example (and a VERY dumb thing to do!! OK doctors, you were right!). The problem with trying to outrun autoimmune conditions (or any chronic illness) and refusing to adjust your lifestyle, is that these behaviours can only have a limited time frame. And, if you’re as bloody stubborn as I have been, so can your life. A positive attitude is one thing, but denial is another. The media is always throwing stories at us about ‘real life heroes’ who battle their illness and refuse to give up, but there’s a big difference between refusing to give up, and refusing to help yourself. I’ve never denied being ill, just that it effected me.

I’ve finally done it! I’ve created a blog, and here I am (admittedly a few days later) making my first post. This is a very.big.deal. This blog has been in my head for about a year now, simmering away, bursting to be free, but being held back by my protective, over-reactive perfectionist brain. There’s a lot of other ideas and projects still stuck in there, straining against the deadlocked door, but somehow Raw Once More slipped through the keyhole and made it onto the page.

And here it is. But what is it? That’s a long way from being clear, and of course that’s one of the reasons why my perfectionist brain didn’t want to release it – it wasn’t fully formed. As in it wasn’t finished. That’s kind of the only way to know exactly what something like this IS – to see it when it’s finished. Logically I know this, but that doesn’t stop Little Miss Perfectionist having her way. So no, I don’t know what it IS, but finally, after all this time, I’m doing it anyway! Read the rest of this entry →

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Recovering workaholic, chronically ill, perfectionist, learning to stay still after a life of creative craziness (including running away with the circus). Trying to find health, happiness, sustainability, and wholeness. Should be easy, right?