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From the purple mountains majesty to the glittering shores of Erection Cove, MILFs are the voluptuous, life-giving backbone of our proud nation. Fergie’s new single “M.I.L.F.$” serves as a desperately needed anthem for all the vastly underappreciated M.I.L.F.$ out there, so much so that she recruited the likes of Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigan, and Ciara for the track’s very sexy music video. (There’s … a lot of milk here …) So this holiday weekend, strap on your teeniest stars-and-stripes bikini top, make sure your children’s vaccinations are up-to-date for the new school year, and let your MILF shake. Deborah would be so proud.