Ex ready to try rebuilding marriage. Is she?

Wednesday

Mar 6, 2013 at 12:01 AMMar 6, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Maribeth McNair

Maribeth,

I walked out of a 16-year marriage because of verbal abuse. I am so torn as to whether or not I want to go back. I donít believe that he has changed. I donít know if I want to go back. Iím nervous about my future and supporting myself.

Pinkcleo

Dear PC,

People say that people donít change but, in my experience with reading cards I find sometimes they do and sometimes they donít. Tarot cards are a great vehicle for objectively viewing the potential of the future relationship. I will say that it is more difficult to maintain change with a person with whom youíve had a relationship because it is easy to fall back into the dynamics of your previous history. Itís a dance where you are learning new steps but so often the tendency is to fall back to the expectations and behaviors already ingrained in your psyche. Letís see what the cards have to see for your future and you supporting yourself. Even if you canít, you must know deep down it is not an appropriate reason for enduring verbal (or any kind) of abuse. Of course, going back because you are nervous about your future is a no-no too as making decisions based on fear are made without clarity.

Your cards are the Six of Cups, the Four of Swords and the Knight of Wands. Your ex is depicted as the Knight of Wands who definitely wants to go back and try again. Now that he has had time to think about it, as we see in the Four of Swords, he is going to do his best. The Six of Cups is known as the soulmate card indicating you can help each other to grow. My first piece of advice is to pursue marriage counseling to show you both care enough to put effort into the relationship and learn how to communicate effectively. This will be an ongoing process.

The Six of Cups represents a returning love. Someone who loves you (your ex) is extending an offer and you, with your gloved hand, protected while deciding whether or not to accept. You have a lot of history behind you. Sixteen years is nothing to sneeze at. The castle behind you shows you have built a comfortable home together. The guard walking with his sword over to the left reminds us of the importance that you feel safe and you belong here. You are not yet ready to commit until you know this flower being offered is pure and not poisoned in some way. Being a white lily, we are left to believe the offering is true.

But itís time to lay down some rules, as we see in the Four of Swords. Take some time to think about what worked and what didnít work in your relationship and be specific. Let your ex know your boundaries and deal-breakers. It is important that you have faith in your future with him. You can actually communicate with him via your mind by imagining a conversation where you ask his Spirit if he is ready to hold his tongue, keep his temper in check and be respectful at all times. He might need to take a time out every now and again if he needs it. These are things a good therapist can help you with.

It is very encouraging to see the Knight of Wands, with the feather in his cap racing back toward his true love. You are in a more empowered position under the conditions you have set before him and he is ready to try. Take advantage of your position by raising your expectations now that he knows you have limits. Based on these cards, I say it is worth a try, and that your life will be easier with him in it, so while you may be able to support yourself without him, it will be more fulfilling with him. Overcoming your challenges and helping each other to grow seems more important here.

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