Labour’s actual members “to get a seat at the table”, says Owen Smith

Former pharmaceutical lobbyist and Labour leadership contender, Owen Smith, has promised that dissident radicals, otherwise known as ‘grassroots Labour supporters’, would get a “seat at the table” in a Labour-run Labour party, it has been revealed.

The last ditch attempt to appear remotely inclusive to anyone with a soul came at a recent Labour Hustings, during which the the smarmy nonentity debated fellow contender and current Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn.

He commented: “It’s OK if you want to be a lefty. We’ll still, of course, accept your vote provided it’s, you know, for me.”

To a stunned crowd, the MP for something called Pontypridd admitted that grassroots party followers which support the party’s eventual leader, could even be involved in shaping Labour policy – something everyone else thought happened already. He explained: “In my opinion, these things more often then not come down to sitting down and talking about it. Not before ignoring the people we didn’t want to have to listen to in the first place, you understand.”