Your Greatest Barrier To Attracting Genuine Love

This One Problem Is Responsible For Causing Singles To Stay Single… And For Keeping Them Stuck In Unhealthy Relationships

After working with over 20 thousand people, the question we often hear most from singles is this:

“How can I attract a great relationship into my life?”

These people have struggled with dead-end relationships, or no relationship at all – they’re tired of being lonely and frustrated, and they’re just about ready to give up hope.

So much searching and yearning, and still their deepest desires remain unfulfilled.

Over and over, we’ve seen that there’s usually one overarching barrier that is standing between them and the love they so fervently want.

It’s not that they’re not getting “out there enough,” and it’s not that they’re not trying hard enough. What we’re getting at here is much deeper and more profound than any kind of dating skill.

The Secret Root Of Relationship Discontent

If you’re like any of the accomplished, intelligent, and kind singles we’ve met, we can safely say that your greatest barrier to forming and keeping genuine love… is an unloved part of you. Let me explain:

If you don’t have the love you want in your life, it’s usually because you are not loving or facing a part of you.

This could be anything from a tendency to obsess or worry, to how you feel about your body.

It could also be a personality trait you’re not too fond of. Maybe you find it difficult to love your anger, or your quirkiness. You might think you’re overly shy or overbearing.

Or, it could be something you’re ashamed of from the past. You might even think you’re fundamentally flawed and not built for love (this was Gay’s issue – he thought he was missing the “love gene” and just didn’t have what it takes to have a good relationship!)

How Lack Of Self-Love Attracts The Wrong People

When we don’t love ourselves deeply, we’re always looking for someone else to do it for us – hoping the unloved part of us will just go away. We’re demanding from others the love we’re not giving to ourselves.

So, you’d think that lack of self love would repel everyone. But that’s not the case. When we don’t love ourselves enough, we still attract partners – just not the right ones.

We simply attract other people who don’t love themselves, either!

And since deep inside we don’t believe we deserve to be loved completely, we end up pushing away the very love we want.

It’s like a dog chasing its tail. We keep running after the love we want, and we never catch it. So not only do we not feel loved, but we waste time with people who simply can’t love us – or anyone else.

The Mega Lesson Gay Needed To Learn To Attract Katie

When you love and accept yourself deeply and unconditionally for all that you are and aren’t, you attract people who love themselves.

That’s where the magic begins – and relationships become partnerships on the path to love.

Once Gay realized that he wasn’t born without a “love gene” and that he just needed to fully accept and love himself, things shifted immediately. A month later, Katie appeared in his life.

Then he realized that this lesson in self-love is a life-long lesson – we need to continue to learn it and re-learn it. Self-love is a daily practice, because it always releases deeper and deeper opportunities for self-acceptance within us.

How To Love All Of You So Someone Else Can, Too

We spend years running from the unlovable parts of ourselves. But if we learn to confront them and embrace them, enormous shifts can happen – and very quickly.

We want to help you on your journey to self-love and to genuine love. Sign up to our Free Advice Newsletters, and you’ll receive tips on your inbox that you can turn into daily habits in just a few minutes.

Once you start practicing self-love and self-acceptance, you’ll create the right conditions for love to find you. It worked for us and for the thousands of singles we’ve coached. Give it a try.

Doing the work on yourself that you need to do to attract and keep love is a great act of self-love. We’re honored to guide you on your journey. [Katie and Gay Hendricks]

Gay and Katie Hendricks have been leaders in the field of relationship transformation and bodymind therapies for more than 45 years. Gay holds a PhD from Stanford and was a professor of counseling psychology at the University of Colorado for 21 years. Katie holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology and has been a pioneer of mind-body integration for over 40 years.
Together, they've authored 35 books, including some used as primary textbooks in universities around the world. They've appeared on over 500 television and radio shows, including Oprah, CNN, CNBC, 48 hours and others. They've co-facilitated countless seminars and workshops around the world for both individuals and couples looking to experience more ease and flow in their relationships.