I am still here and taking it one day at a time. Thank you so much for thinking of me......

My husband and I are having a large disagreement though. I want to have another baby and he doesn't. I am 40 years old which is not too old in these days to be having a child. My husband is 54 and had a vastectomy 20 years ago and thinks he is too old and that we can't afford one. I went into this marriage knowing this and my son was alive and I did not want another child either. Things have changed obviously. He has 3 grown children and had his first grandson about a month after my boy left us. The grandson was born in June and it took me 3 months to even get the strength to go see him.

There are some other options, although I know in your heart how much you would like to birth a child of your own. Would you consider being a foster parent? It might give your husband a chance to at least reconsider his stance on having a new baby around the house. I'm not sure how permanent fostering is, but maybe it would let you both get your feet wet. Sometimes foster parents are needed until the birth parents are ready to assume responsibility again.

If your husband is still unwilling to consider any options, I strongly encourage you to go to counseling. Hopefully this will allow you to learn some coping strategies in terms of the tremendous grief surrounding your loss and maybe allow you to deal with stressors in your marriage.

I have a parent who is not in the best health. This parent has been sick for most of my life, so I've always tried to prepare myself. But, I can imagine how empty and scary my life would be without this person. I don't know that I will be able to cope at all. I imagine the worst. I can even feel the grief although this person is still with me. Therapists call this "Anticipitory Grief". I can only imagine what it must be like for you. My heart truly goes out to you.

Marsha, Hi I replied to you before on email... How are you doing?? I have 2 adopted kids because I could not have any of my own.. I was 40 when we adopted our second.. Please feel free to email me about this.. Would love to help if I can... I think of you and your son often.. I pray for you and your family...

Thanks for your reply. I am doing ok at the moment its been a tough time for me though. My step son Chris' half brother who is 19 moved in with us for a while yesterday. He has hit a rough time in his life and me and my husband are trying to help him out. It feels so good to have him there it helps to fill in the void.