"Fighting the Little 'c' with the Big C"—author anonymous
"For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27:5

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I am so weary of the cold New England weather. It's been weeks now since Jenna's funeral.I am thinking mostly about her mom, and the cold harsh grief that I am certain has stricken her.I pray for her.I regret not reaching out to Jenna in more than just knowing smiles.I regret not talking with the girl. Thinking that's there'd be time.I should know better than this...Time is now to do what moves you-especially when there is a cancer diagnosis involved.I need to take this all to heart....I am somehow hopeful though.I remember asking-sometimes begging-God to give me strength for today and HOPE for tomorrow.I am now walking in the hope of His miraculous recovery over me.Grateful.Quieter.Happier.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Today is the celebration of life service for Jenna Jacob.This is the 6th grader that died last week after her body gave in to the effects of cancer and its treatments.I feel a sad peace- a solomness, and want to inquire to God Almighty about all of this.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

This past week has been filled with news of death & sickness. A 6th grader at our school died last week after years of battling cancer. I cannot state she lost her battle. I see that she is free from the pain of it, and that is not a loss by any means. We have lost her, and although I am not her teacher, and really never even had a conversation with her. I will miss her. Her gentle and quiet smile-sometimes half smile that caught my eye in the halls of our shared school. The knowing look when I had lost my hair to the chemo treatment I underwent the spring of 09', and by then she had regained hers with thick beauty. I have grief in my heart that gets stuck in my throat about this girl. This little girl that spend half her lifetime suffering from the effects of cancer and its treatment. Processing this challenges me to my core.We will all gather this week during the evening to celebrate her life as her mother wishes. I am certain this is what Jenna wanted, too. I don't really know what to expect, but plan to come open and listening.I will know her more through this timed of shared grief and joy for the time her mom did have her. I cannot fathom losing my child to death. I want to be a kinder and more tender mother at the very thought of this.I have also learned of a friend's husband battling another form of cancer, and he is at the initial steps of treatment. His case sounds very complex and hopeful, but the complexity of it seems to be wanting to dash this couple's hope. I pray God leads them to the east coast and MGH.Yesterday, I have learned of a precious woman's impending battle against bladder cancer. It all seems too much. This weekend, for the first time (it seems), I am angry. I AM ANGRY AT CANCER, AND WHAT IT PUTS PEOPLE THROUGH.The diagnosis, the treatment, the healing, and even the dying from it seems to be unbearable.