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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

And I'm Still Standing

Three years ago, tonight, Bob came home from the Acute Rehab Hospital. I remember it well. Such a relief to leave and the transport home cost $50.00. Jeepers.

This marks three years of full-time caregiving for me. Three years of cleaning up bowel movements, cleaning up urinary incontinence, managing his meds, daily feeding tube duties, dressing/bathing him, daily (sometimes 2-4 times daily) laundry, doing his therapy, scheduling appointments, fighting the system, trying to keep positive (not always doing that so well), trying not to cry (not always successful in that), taking care of everything by myself, sleeping alone in our bed, fretting about all these medical bills that we can't pay, praying the washer/dryer don't break, etc., etc...

Three years of ups and downs. Of trials and tribulations. Of hopes and hopes dashed and hopes again and dashed again and new hopes and always trying to keep hope...

I know I am older, wiser, and, I think, a stronger person after all of this. Believe me, this is the hardest thing I ever have done...

Back then, I gave myself a year. I figured, if he wasn't better in a year--- you know, walking, talking, eating -- I'd take those doctors' advice and find a nursing home for him.

But he wasn't and I didn't.

I couldn't, because I love him so much and know that he is happy to be home and this is where he wants to be and I am happy he is here with me....

It's been really hard.

But I am still standing!

Pretty amazing, if I don't say so myself. Didn't think I could do it. Never, in a million years, did I think I could do this. If you would have asked me, say four years ago, could I do this? I would have laughed....I wouldn't have thought myself capable. So! I am truly amazed at myself. But, you know, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do....

You are one very special person. I have been following your blog since I talked to you on the caregivers site. I can't believe how you do all you do. You give me inspiration to do what I have to do everyday for my husband. Although no were near what you do. I hope you have a blessed 2014 as you so deserve it.

Welcome To Our Pink House

About Me

Bob and I were married 09/16/94. He is my soulmate, the love of my life. Bob is an artist and I am a writer.
On 10/20/10, Bob, following his doctor's advice, underwent a carotid endarterectomy. When I left him in ICU that night, he was fine and I thought in good hands. Two hours after my departure, a nurse noted on his chart that Bob's speech was slurred and his right arm was paralyzed. The nurse did not call a doctor. Later that night, the nurse noted that Bob could not move his right arm or leg, still a doctor was not called. The next morning, the nurse noted that he was paralyzed on the right side, a "12" on the Glasgow Coma Scale, disoriented and confused, but no doctor was informed. I arrived at 9:00 a.m. and immediately called for the doctor. He was rushed to surgery. It was 12 hours too late. The CAT scan showed 2/3 of his brain had been damaged. I was told he would not survive. Somehow, he did.
Bob was discharged from the hospital on 12/31/10 and, although the hospital wanted him sent to a nursing home, I brought him home instead. This is the story of our journey since that day. This is also a love story.
(Bob passed away 5/28/15 and I am trying to survive....)