Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few

Sunday, May 11, 2014

This is dad now

There are bright colorful flowers on his headstone. MK is still taking care of him. She did such a good job with him for over 25 years of their marriage.

I have been coming to Emerald Isle every year since grandma moved here, which was in the early 90’s. After Ed and I were married (15 years this year), we continued to come down every year, most years it was twice a year. He fell in love with Emerald Isle.

This is the first trip here where I won’t be seeing dad. I am surprised at how emotional this has been for me. We stopped for lunch, after seeing his grave, and just thinking about the fact that I won’t see him this time just kept bringing tears to my eyes. Some dear sweet stranger came to me and spoke words of comfort to me. I thought that was a very brave gesture. I wonder if I would have the nerve to do that to someone I had never seen before.

It is a strange feeling knowing that I will not see dad on this trip. It is a hard to describe feeling. I didn’t know there was such a big hole here now. The ocean is beautiful and we love just being away, especially in a place where that we are very familiar with. I was not aware of how much I looked forward to seeing dad when I came here. It is funny how you just take these things for granted.

One thing I have learned through this whole experience is that hospice knows what they are talking about. I know there are a few exceptions to the rule, but if they ever give me a time frame on a loved one again...I am going to believe them and take advantage of any time I can. Since this is the first real close blood relative death I have experienced, I was believing the positive talk I was hearing, and not the reality talk. Lesson learned there.

This will be a rather strange week for me, but I know that it is all part of God’s plan, and part of my healing.