What politicians can learn from Paris

While we await word on whether Paris Hilton will actually serve the jail time she's been sentenced to over probation violations, let's consider the enormous contribution she has made to our bettering ourselves.

Not for setting an example for leading clean, truthful lives. But for demonstrating how we can embarrass ourselves in public, have repeated brushes with the law and emerge even more popular and more bankable than ever.

In short, everything we love about politics.

Hilton has reinforced several key lessons critical to political pros. These teachings can be found in the petition she put online (which itself is a good example to follow in politics:

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Bare your soul online -- you'll feel better, and you'll get lots of links, maybe even some blog ads). Her MySpace petition asks authorities for leniency regarding her drunk driving conviction. And it does many other splendidly educational things.

First lesson: Compare everything to Nixon. The petition states: "If the late former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well."

Love it! You can just hear Hilton likewise saying, "People have got to know whether or not their celebrity socialite is a drunk. Well, I am not a drunk."

That leads directly to the second lesson: Dream big. Hilton wants a pardon. No wishy-washy reduced sentence or wimpy community service for this bold young lady.

No, Hilton, who, as the petition says, "provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives," demands the full Marc Rich and perhaps Scooter Libby treatment. I know I'd feel far less mundane if she got her wish.

Third, appeal everything directly to The Honorable Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Excellence demands nothing less. She does so masterfully and repeatedly.

You gotta think Schwarzenegger appreciates the diversion from real issues, and certainly he's a softie for damsels in distress. Heck, he took a bullet for one (the distressed damsel's son, no less!) in "Kindergarten Cop."

And California always has been a policy trendsetter. Surely he'll want to grant leniency, if only to get every other governor in the nation to someday follow suit. Particularly those states overflowing with celebrities, like Idaho and Montana.

Fourth, throw long and use a head fake. The petition asserts, "The Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy's California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today ..."