"I have tested positive but I have never taken drugs and I feel 100 percent innocent," Hingis said in a brief statement. "The reason I have come out with this is because I do not want to have a fight with anti-doping authorities… "Because of my age and my health problems I have also decided to retire from professional tennis."

What the hell is that? You can't just deny it and give no reason. She's supposed to say that she got a tainted supplement. Yeah, that's it: a supplement tainted by cocaine. Or a rail of cocaine off my taint. Something, y'know?

It's not like she did anything wrong. Chicks should know that it's okay to do cocaine. Coke's not just for strippers and Gawker Media employees any more. It keeps you skinny and makes you confident and helps you dance through the night. It's one of those things that's only illegal because it's so awesome, like anal sex in the South.

No no no, coke's been back for a couple years. Heroin's out. Meth is for people who live in trailers.

11.01.07 at 2:51 pm

Merk

see… if ya read it bottom to top it'll make sense… except for this post now.. that screws the whole thing up.. plus.. that's three posts in a row.. kinda makes me look like a twat.

soo.. how bout weedagainstspeed and those shit eating girls yesterday huh? man.. that guys a dick.

/end deflecting critism with old news

11.01.07 at 2:52 pm

swanychitown

Psychadelics man, that's where it is all at. Mushrooms and LSD. Who hasn't enjoyed those expreiences? Oh you were scared? Pussy, here try some addicting cocaine or heroin instead junkie.

For the record, as I've just watched a program on Discovery HD about meth and heroin, they are both exploding exponentially, heroin because we invaded Afghanistan is booming again cause they can't grow shit else (was at an all time low in production before our invasion) and meth is number one cause you can make it from drug store supplies and a 5 dollar chem set. You would be suprised who does these drugs. Perscrips are probably 2nd, but gaining ground fast cause all your parents are already addicted to them bitches. Learn.

11.01.07 at 2:52 pm

lieutenant winslow

chicks should know that it's okay to do cocaine.

i find that most of them are already aware of that fact.

11.01.07 at 2:57 pm

Brock2007

I have been convicted but I have never had sex with teenage girls and I feel 100 percent innocent.

Because of my age and my health problems I have also decided to retire from having sex with teenage girls.

One more thing, by retire, I mean, HAVE MORE SEX WITH TEENAGE GIRLS.

11.01.07 at 2:57 pm

Merk

Learn.

fuck that. I'm here for the sports, tits and dick jokes.

11.01.07 at 2:58 pm

twoeightnine

She just got so much hotter.

I've just spent far too long trying to visualize how one could actually do a rail of coke off someone else's taint.

It's really not that hard, the stripper just puts her legs over her head while laying on her back.

11.01.07 at 2:58 pm

UpstateUnderdog

thanks for the up date Matt.

11.01.07 at 2:59 pm

UpstateUnderdog

and for the updated photo 289.

11.01.07 at 3:03 pm

whowillsexmutombo

I think you're all missing the most important thing about the coke issue:

When you have coke, hot women will fuck you. And technically, you didn't hire a whore. Everyone wins!

11.01.07 at 3:04 pm

Sophocles K. Ramparts

Hence the term Cokewhore

11.01.07 at 3:05 pm

lieutenant winslow

wwsm wins

11.01.07 at 3:05 pm

swanychitown

Is it just me or is the titty on the left smaller than the titty on the right, and also perched a bit higher than the one on the right? This LSD is distorting my visual perception.

11.01.07 at 3:06 pm

Weed Against Speed

Cocaine: The Great Equalizer

11.01.07 at 3:07 pm

Merk

Swany. it's a BLT! (bigger left tit)

thanks everyone you've been great. tip your waitresses!

11.01.07 at 3:16 pm

Careless

Wasn't that Monica Seles who got stabbed?

11.01.07 at 3:27 pm

GEB4000

Hingas was snorting the same supplements as cameron.

11.01.07 at 3:29 pm

GEB4000

I thought anal sex was awesome everywhere.

11.01.07 at 3:36 pm

UES007

@289 – that sounds like instructions for doing coke off your own taint. and, not to give anything away, but those instructions are spot on.

11.01.07 at 3:42 pm

Smello Redux

I think my confusion lay with the fact that I was envisioning said taint belonging to a man.

11.01.07 at 3:43 pm

UES007

Good point, Smello.

11.01.07 at 3:46 pm

twoeightnine

Everyone has a taint, just on some the taint taint between the balls and the ass.

11.01.07 at 3:52 pm

twoeightnine

And it looks much different…

11.01.07 at 4:03 pm

bp

Cocain blow jobs are the way to go. She's happy because it's kind of like she actually DOES win something if she does it well. And I think coke is safer for the vagina for sugar or salt used for dick shots. And then we can all feel 100% innocent…and possibly high.

11.01.07 at 4:08 pm

Enrico Pallazzo

David Boston thinks that Hingis is quite a catch.

11.01.07 at 6:42 pm

Alex P. Keaton

Was she breast feeding when that pic was taken? Those things look like they're big and brown to me…