(Avram is connected to the computer. His eyes light and displays a holographic message.)

BRYAN
The Kroenke Cannons…

JOEL
You mean Arsenal.

BRYAN
I have an ointment for that condition. Anyway they’ve been knocked out of the Emirates FA Cup by Waterford! Do you know what that means? If our soccer team wins….

BRYAN, JOEL and AVRAM
Then our sponsor will have their name on the FA Cup!

BRYAN
That’s how it works right?

AVRAM
Yeah, totally. Arsenal won it last season and look what happened.

JOEL
Think about it: “The Chevrolet FA Cup.”

BRYAN
I can see that name ‘driving’ up ‘REV-enue!’

AVRAM
Oh Bryan you were always so good with money based puns!

(They all forget to laugh.)

BRYAN
Quick, let’s call Ed!

(In his Old Trafford office Ed Woodward is busy wrapping up a blockbuster deal for Manchester United.)

ED
So Mr Al-Khelaifi, if I knock down the Eiffel Tower and build in its place a statue of Zaltan i-Brahimovic then he will sign for Manchester United? Really? You sure? Really sure? Oh and you want £20 million plus a chocolate bar too? Hmm you drive a hard bargain but…okay done! Dare to Zaltan!

(Ed slams his phone down in triumph.)

ED
Still got it Woo’war’-san!

(Ed’s phone rings. It’s his favourite people in the whole world, the brothers Glazer.)

ED
Bry, Avie, Jo-jo lay it on the Woo’war’ baby.

JOEL
Ed, Avram’s ponytail had a great idea. Actually, it was more of a euro-reka moment from all of us.

ED
Euro-reka? Ha! The Woo’war’ likes your thinking. You do mean the currency and not the Europa League, right?

BRYAN
What’s this Europa you speak of?

ED
It’s a concept album by U2. Never you mind, what’s your idea?

AVRAM
We want Lewis van Gogh to win the FA Cup.

ED
Since when did you become interested in football?

JOEL
When did you?

ED
The Woo’War’ asked you first.

BRYAN
See Ed, it’s that kind of razor-sharp sharpness that convinced us to make you the head of the Manchester Rowdies. I mean Manchester Untied, yes that’s what it’s called.

AVRAM
We don’t care about the soccer. We want to win it because then our sponsors will have the right to brand their name on the competition. Arsenal won it last year and their sponsor managed to get their name on the cup.

(Avram’s ponytail nods furiously in agreement.)

ED
I need to check. I’m calling Louis now.

(Ed dials Louis’ number on his mobile and puts it on speaker. They’re immediately put on hold and all they can hear is Mousse T’s “Horny” playing on a continual loop.)

AVRAM
I love that song!

(Avram’s ponytail does a little jig too.)

AVRAM
And so does my ponytail!

(After an eternity they finally get through. A somewhat inebriated voice booms on Woodward’s phone.)

please were are the official of man united and the Glazer family what are you discuss about Louis van gal please if official of man united are together with fans please will need manager not van gal and if van gal his reach another time in Manchester united will see more another problem

Louis van gal is not a manager that Manchester united west our time to him no more anything achieve in united in time of Louis van gal expect problem always players injury time to time injury why because of philosophy. philosophy is not mean this united need In this time