Harry Potter Takes Down Twilight at Teen Choice Awards

As with so many things involving today’s teens, this year’s Teen Choice Awards came down to Harry Potter and Twilight. The Hogwarts crew stole the show this time, with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 beating The Twilight Saga: Eclipse in the Choice Sci-Fi/Fantasy category, while Emma Watson vanquished Kristen Stewart to become Choice Sci-Fi/Fantasy actress. And, in a major upset, Watson and co-star Daniel Radcliffe’s boarding-school fumblings defeated Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s tortured makeouts for Choice Liplock. Perhaps, in choosing the bespectacled wizard of their childhood over the sexy vampires of their more recent, confusing years, the youth are expressing a collective sense of nostalgia? It’s hard to say, since it’s never been clear whether or not the kids actually vote for these things.

Meanwhile, one thing is indisputable, at least for the next couple years: the supremacy of Justin Bieber. The King of the Teens took home Choice TV Villain (for a guest appearance on CSI), Choice Male Artist, Choice Twit (for his contributions to the field of Twitter), and, of course, Choice Male Hottie. By way of thanks, he told the crowd, “Jesus loves every one of you.” Not as much as they love you, Justin. Not even close.