Saturday, December 29, 2012

That Seventies Pattern

I never know how a post is going to affect the reading public, but the last thing I expected after I threw daddy's peekaboo robe at you is that you'd ask for more.

Never let it be said that I don't try to give you what you want.

This is the other woman's magazine from the rack in my now-defunct Living History of the Nineteen-Seventies Bathroom. Woman's Day, April 1974.

John F. Kennedy was no longer alive and Jackie Kennedy was no longer a Kennedy; but their faces still sold copies. At least we were spared a portrait of Mama Rose, whose typically gushy, self-aggrandizing memoir is excerpted inside. I will spare you quotes.*

What I will not spare you, because you asked for it, is two specimens from the NEWEST TO KNIT AND CROCHET that's trumpeted below FASHION FINDS and above 50 TIPS TO MAKE ANY DIET WORK.

(Will the headlines on the covers of women's magazines ever change?)

We have, first, "Mosaic Vest," in crochet.

All I'm going to say about this is that if I produced a woman's upper garment with beep-beep daisies squarely over each nipple I'd be accused of knowing nothing about female anatomy. (There are great gaps in my knowledge of female anatomy, I admit. But I know where the boobs are located.)

Second, we have "Bare Shouldered Flatterer," in knitting. It's a tube top.

Now, I took a look at the pattern and the only thing holding this up is that it's worked in ribbing. That's it. The only thing fighting slippage is k2, p2. It's the top of a sock, writ large. Reach for anything that's higher than waist level, lady, and nobody will be looking at your bare shoulders.

Just one other thing to point out, and that's her underarms. Unretouched! Nowadays, even a low-budget magazine with tight deadlines would have taken those out with Photoshop. Even stick-thin models have skin that wrinkles when they move. It's rather comforting to see it, don't you think?

* I don't often edit after the fact, but I've decided to remove the extended Rose Kennedy commentary that was here. I fear it will be prone to provoke tiresome debate, and that's not what this space is for. Suffice it to say I didn't care for her, or for the Kennedys-as-American-Royalty mythology–in case that wasn't clear from my tone above.

54 comments:

I got a lot of fun out of those. It makes me glad I didn't start collecting these magazines until the 80s, though I have a "ski lodge" series that must have been my grandmother's from the 60s that features men with natty pipes and women in colors NEVER found in nature in their mini-dresses. One could NOT bend over in those!

The scary thing is that I remember those magazines and those patterns. The crocheted vests, with and without central daisy motif, were very popular. I tried making one but it came out rather--odd?--and I wound up sewing the sides and bottom up, and my daughters used it to carry their dancing shoes to and from class.

Have to agree with noricum: Her nipples are at the bottom of the square containing the daisies, not under the daisies themselves. Not that this fact at all affects the overall...interestingness...of the garment. Not much point in drawing attention to the interesting portions of one's anatomy, if one is going to blind the viewer at first glance.

Death in the family: potato-based casseroleUnannounced visit from the in-laws: hastily defrosted lamb chops & ScotchIt's a Wednesday: something with green beansFailed to go to the supermarket before a public holiday: BBQ somethingPower outage: toast leftover marshmallows on a camping stove and tell the kids you're "camping indoors"

Actually, it was Rosemary's father who had her lobotomized while Rose was away. Lobotomy was thought at the time to be curative of the acting out Rosemary was doing at the time - running away, and being found with strange men in compromising situations. This is what I've read about it, anyway - not that I'm such an apologist for the Kennedy family at large.

It is great to see a fashion, and know that it is purely awful! I was too busy with small children, carpools and lack of money to pay attention then. Now? I am glad I wasn't paying attention, who know what trauma I might have foisted on them.

Nipples follow their own strange ecliptic as one ages until they are pretty much underneath, pointing resignedly at the floor. And when you lie down your boobs scoot off into your armpits - I believe this is something to do with camouflage from when we were all living in the Savannah. Low profiles, and all that.

Franklin, I've admired you forever (way back in the days when you, Jon, Sean and Lars went to Stitches) and today it's turned to love. I read "Suffice it to say I didn't care for her, or for the Kennedys-as-American-Royalty mythology–..." and knew you were of my people, few though we may be.

I crocheted at least 3 potholder vests back in 1972 and countless other things from the checkout line mags. Family Circle had some great garments based on granny squares - for which I probably still have the patterns...

The strapless top would have been a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen if the wearer was in any way well endowed or decided to do anything except sit in a wicker chair. A deep breath, and those buttons would have been popping open. Maybe knitted straps would have helped. The vest is absolutely frightening.

I agree with Susan: I remember the 70s AND the 80s and the 70s, while not always beautiful, were sweeter and less hard-edged. So I have a fondness for the tube top too, and for Woman's Day/Family Circle/Good Housekeeping of the era. I read Daphne DuMaurier's The Birds (Hitchcock's inspiration) excerpted in two parts in a late-seventies women's magazine; who among them would do that now?

Also, her arms, pretty and normal as they are, delighted me too, even before I read Franklin's comment. Because she is not only a thin person, but a young one, and that is in fact what skin does.

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