Stacy the eyebrow model comments on the news

Stacy Smith-Jones has been modeling her eyebrows since she moved in with her boyfriend, Chad, an eyebrow sculptor, best known for tackling Kardashian unibrows. In her free time, Stacy enjoys shopping, chatting about political issues at the salon, and joyriding in her Mini Cooper.

Stacy’s thoughts: I don’t really like guns, but I feel like they could’ve come up with a better name than “bump-stock.” That sounds like a chicken with warts. I’d suggest the name “rifle accessory.”

News: University of Oklahoma’s football team loses to Iowa State.

Stacy’s thoughts: That game was a real bummer. Miranda didn’t bring her famous chicken salad, so I was forced to eat chips and guacamole before the game, which had way too much avocado to be enjoyable. Then, right before the end of the game, no one would go with me to the bathroom, even though they know I get pee-shy when I’m alone.

Stacy’s thoughts: That’s really nice of them, but I don’t see how balloons are going to do anything except maybe lift their morale a little bit. I heard the balloons don’t even have messages, though. They’re made out of canvas…?

Stacy’s thoughts: No wonder it basically flopped! I saw it because Ryan Gosling was in it, and it was rated R for nudity. Then, Ryan never even took his clothes off! Plus, there was way too much fighting.

News: Newly published study suggests that warming soil is emitting more carbon than previously thought, potentially speeding up global warming.

Stacy’s thoughts: I hope that isn’t true because my new diet is carbon free. Also, being overly warm makes me sweat, which is disgusting.

News: Gal Gadot, recently seen as a Wonder Woman, makes out with Kate McKinnon on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live.

Stacy’s thoughts: I think this was a really important episode of SNL because, for the first time ever, it showed that anyone can look beautiful if they try, even Kate McKinnon.

Stacy’s thoughts: Here’s a tip – don’t get HIV. There are plenty of other people to have sex with. If you’re so worried about it, go on Tinder and start the convo with a simple, “Hey, cutie, do you have HIV?” Then, you are knowledgeable either way.

Comment below if you’d like to hear Stacy’s thoughts on any other headlines.

About Sage Tokach

Sage Tokach is an acting and directing senior, working as the associate editor for Student Publications. She is a member of OCU Improv, Out of the Box, Alpha Psi Omega, The Matriarchy, the Honors Program, and Phi Mu. She also founded Play Club and invites everyone to come read hip new plays every Thursday night. Sage prefers to be outside at all times and extends an invitation to anyone who wants to camp, hike, or backpack with her. Sage’s favorite part about working for Stu Pub is the wide range of interesting people she gets to meet, both on staff and during interviews.