Tips to handle a violent, rebellious teenage boy

Andora - posted on 05/27/2009
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My son is a wonderful kid and untll recently has done very well in school. He has become a very angry child recently and is getting more and more violent which is causing many problems between the two of us. We have always been very, very close and this seems to tearing us apart. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can handle this? He does have two younger brothers which is where the violence is being directed...

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Susan - posted on 05/28/2009

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Hi Andora, u dont say how old ur son is or how violent he becomes, so i dont know what advice to give u.Does he try to stand over you as well? Is he showing no respect for authority figures? My 2 younger sons and I are just now coming out of a nightmare that has lasted 4 years with my eldest son, who is now 18....he was always a difficult child and then when he reached 14 he got progressively worse, until eventually he was out of control. I went to the ends of the earth trying to find solutions and help for him, but in the end we lived thru smashed windows, kicked and punched in walls, things being thrown around the house whenever he was in a mood, and intimidation. He was normally such a great happy, relaxed and witty person, so we ...or rather I decided to tolerate and live with it. if i could do it over again i would do it completely different,because in the end it came down to domestic violence,and my 2 younger sons have probably had a not-so-nice childhood living with someone like that.

If u feel its his attitude rather than any other thing, i would take a firm stance now! Send him to live with his dad or a male relative that he cant stand over. U dont say where u live either, but if thats not an option, I'd be going to my local police station. I have taken out a DVO on my son, which basically means hes part of the family but he is not to swear,abuse, intimidate or assult me or his brothers. Its a hard hard line to take against ur son, especially when 90% of the time hes normal, but i wish i had done it when he was 14, as it woudve given a clear sign that it wouldnt be tolerated.

Maybe take all the advice below, it could be a simple as girlfriend problems, but i would stilltake the hard approach while ur searching for the answer. Its a hard job being a single mum with teenage boys, especially when they are all of a sudden bigger than u. I think they feel powerful and thus, behaving any way they want. Good luck, and try to be patient! :)

13 Comments

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hi I had the same problem with my son from 17 onwards. He,s 19 now, in the end for th sake of my younger son I had to ask him to leave. He moved in with his girlfriend hence they parted now as he talk to her disrespectfully. He then moved in with his sister as I could no longer afford to live at my home.. Im now living with my partener and 11 year old son lifes good yet my two older kids still disrespect me. I do see them but not as often as id like. I think I spoilt them and also being single then let them get away with things. Looking back I wish I had been tougher my elder son still gets angry with life in general and I have realised its not my fault. You think that your the reason your kids are like they are but its not. Im sure you are a great mum all I can say is don't do extra things for him like driving him ect take away lap top play station ect if he has one. It is hard and I feel for you but you have to think of everyone in the home. Ihave many guilt trips but I had to do what I did

Hey moms i am a 20 year old girl i joined this to get help from u all as we don't hav our mom in diz world anymore nd my younger brother who is 17 year old became a big problem for me nd my father he skipped his annual examinations... Without informing us twice nd get us a fake report card....secondly he get charged in a crime wat was done by one of his frnd finally we get bail for him as he was found innocent in case but he doesn't feel ashamed or guilty for any of the two cases disrespects me nd my father nd my father is broken down after my mom nd his doing all dis making him ashamed in society he doesn't understands any thing plzz help

I have a 17 yr old son who also had a major personality change. At first we thought.....drug use. We have had him tested 6 times since August and he has tested negative every time. We have searched regularly his room and car and have never found any evidence. His anger has subsided some with some medication he was prescribed. But, I have been noticing a spike in this behavior when he has skipped a meal or when he is hungry. I have him scheduled for a glucose test. Until then we are making sure he doesn't skip any meals and he always has a snack on him. I have noticed a difference since we have been doing this.

This is more of a question. My son is 16 year old physically healthy kid with a small circle of friends he seems to have swag control of. He also has a 15 year old girlfriend, who is smart, good in school and has great supporting parents. My son has terrible grades, gets along with the teachers and his girlfriends parents but mentally abuses me verbally and is often distructive but breaking my possesion and his things also. He becomes to the point of boiling over the smallest of issues. he lacks the ability to perform common house choirs, does what he wants no matter what you say to him, tells my boyfriend to get out of house when he tries to calm him down, rants and raves when the smallest thing goes wrong, critisizes me about the way I run the house ask him to help out. When he is calm and try to talk to him about things he goes bizerko instantly! He has tried all counsiling, that does not help and refuse to go there., Will not take any medication percriped to him. I have tried everything in my resources to help deal and cope with problem. I am a single Mom living alone at the time and his father lives in Florida and seldom has contact to help in helping with solutions and support. I drug test him frequently with no results in that matter. There is a very strong addiction to elctronic devices and video games which he can not put down and passes out at night playing. If I take them away he becomes very violent then throws things and screams. I feel lost and shocked into disbelieve that this is happening to me. My life is controled by a 16 year old boy that I love so dearly and trying my best to get help fo him!

Have you tried talking to him when there is a calm moment in your house?? Just try to take a calm moment to talk to him!!! And if you don't feel like you can then find someone that he's comfortable with a grandfather or uncle or a male friend that he respects...Something has happened for him to turn on a dime like that...There is something going on with him that he doesn't know how to handle and he doesn't feel like he can come to you about it...Find someone that can help you guys out!!! Good luck

Wow, when did you start watching my life? My oldest now almost 16 is a carbon copy. The school filed assult charges on him AFTER 3 seperate incidents one involving a chair being thrown at a teacher. We started with counselling. It helped a little because he had someone outside the family to talk to which helped him open up. Unfortunately he turned his violence on the family, mainly his younger brother (12) and then his father which wasn't pretty. We live in NC and here there is the Eckerd Youth Association they set up camps for just these types of problems. They teach the kids to be part of a group, to respect all things and value all things. When they enter they have to build their own tents, bunks, and foot lockers. They are only aloud to bring clothing and toiletries. They cook their own meals over a campfire and have to clean up after themselves. They do everything with their groupmates. They can only have contact with people other than family when they earn a home visit. It seems pretty severe but they are in an interactive and engaging environment with people who know how to deal with these problems. My son has had his ups and downs in the camp but there has been overall improvement. Plus it took him out of the picture so my husband and I could start putting the rest of the family back together. Check with your social services department and see if they have any suggestions. SS was a big help to us they recommended the camp and helped us financially to get him enrolled. A lot of these camps are expensive unless your child is court ordered to attend. Good luck and remember your not alone.

Has your son made new friendships lately? I hate to say it, but I'm wondering, is it possible he has gotten into drugs? What you described are some of the signs that a child has begun taking drugs. I hate to be the downer in the group, but I think I would check into this as a cause for the change in attitude.....

Boy have we been there too!! How old is your son? I have three boys and have been thru this with all three. Each has been different though, but the last one has been the biggest challenge. He took a knife to school and got angry with another student and pulled it on him. As a result we have had many new professionals telling us how to raise him. So I have a couple questions for you. Have you had a physical evaluation done with your son's doctor? (Thomas was diagnosed with severe depression and ADHD) Can you get him involved in sports? Autumn's suggestion of Karate is right on. Thomas is now learning to control his temper and use his skills for good things, he even now teaches the younger students. There are a lot of programs out there. Does he have someone he can talk to? And I mean other than you. I have always been there for my children but he needed someone else to talk to. A councelor at school, or thru youth programs, a family friend, pastor or anyone that is not mom. Thomas turned to my best friend, which for me was a little weird but he knows she will not run and tell me everything he says, unless it is endangering himself or someone else. What we have found is that Thomas is very upset about our move to another state, he is in public schools for the first time ever, he left his friends and family. We knew it was hard on him just had no idea it was that bad. Both of his older brothers have moved out over the last two years. He feels lost and abandoned. We have also started equine therapy, and I am not talking major amounts of financial output, we own two horses and he goes out and brushes them, and talks to them, (they are still too young to ride), but he rides with my friends oldest son, who is the same age as his older brothers. Things are getting better but it has taken time and we are no where close to where we could be.

My 16 year old gets in moods like this, when he does it it usually because of something that has happened at school or something that is still going on at school or some other place that he frequently goes. He takes his aggression out on us. I have to sit him down and try to find out what is going on. He doesnt really feel that i will understand and thinks i will tell him stuff he doesnt want to hear because i'm MOM. If he wont talk with maybe he has a relative or someone that is an adult friend he can confide in, and you can find out from that person what is going on. My son talks to his ex-girlfriend's mom (who also happens to be my friend) and she tells me. The bottom line is that you cant solve the problem of anger, violence or rebellion if you dont know what is causing it. Especially if the behavior is something out of character and recently new. You may also suggest a sport or class such as karate or boxing as an outlet for his frustration. Hope this helps. Good luck.