09 ways to piss-off a middle class Mumbaite

The middle class, probably the greatest aspect of Mumbai. The reason why the city keeps buzzing. These are your people who earn enough to shop at zara, during sale season.

Give him a less fuel efficient car:
We can bear bad designs, no security features, pathetic engines or cramped up leg room. But, give us a car which low fuel efficiency and we will “THIS IS SPARTA” your ass.

But, only after going to 10 banks to get the best loan deal.

No bollywood movies for a year
We will abuse the kinky expressions, the disco ball wardrobes and the bangle breaking feel. But, No bollywood?
WHAT? HOW? WHY? I WANT TO SEE KATRINA JIGGY-JIGGY HER BELLY BUTTON!
If you ban bollywood. Then, Just do me a favour yaar, let’s play Holi.

When questioned about their life choices

Take away the vadapav stalls
Vada pav is the most spectacular and economic efficient snack available in Mumbai. Everyone loves vada pav. One of the reasons why Delhites envy Mumbai- good vadapav. When serving vada pav the question is never: “Will you have some?” It is: “Kitna?” Also, increase in price of vada pav can have disastrous consequences.

Charge for extra onion with Pav Bhaji
There are a very few people who don’t take onion with Pav Bhaji. Those few people are categorised as jains who haven’t tasted the supreme bliss onion caters with pav bhaji. If you charge extra for those onions, it is like paying extra for ice, when you have ordered for scotch.

Deprive him of television during dinner
Yes, televisions dominate dinner conversations. Especially if there is a cricket match going on. On other nights, the saas-bahu dramas, reality television, or India TV where aliens pick up cows are mandatory means of entertainment during dinner time. Now if you just as much flicker the channel even while the advertisements are on- may you have another option for dinner.

No free drinking water at South Indian restaurants
Look outside a station. You will find atleast one south Indian restaurant nearby. Now, look at the people eating food. Now just stand there for 10 minutes and you will see at least one guy walking in just for a glass of water. A noble cause. Though, now put a price tag and you might just influence a candle march.

Increase the rickshaw fare
Oh, this one is a classic. Do anything that will favour rickshaw drivers and you will establish a domino effect which would result in the entire city being frustrated. Even at places where there are no rickshaws. For some reason, you will see an effect even in your tiffin. Grumpy food for a week.

No sukha puri
People wouldn’t mind if the banks aren’t functioning on a Monday morning. But, a pani puri guy giving no sukha puri. . .well that is unacceptable. Sukha puri’s are what make pani puri the complete deal, the sole puri which has the power to balance the tangy and spicy nature of the dish. WHY WOULD YOU DENY SUKHA PURI!!! The very thought of a world without sukha puri’s is very disturbing.

Be the fifth person on a seat meant for three. Which is currently holding four people
Just try this. Go inside the general compartment of a Mumbai local. Compress and wiggle your way through to make it till the seats. Now, just ask the fourth person to move ahead. You will either get a seat for quarter of your buttcheek to rest on. Or you will be entangled in a never ending quarrel which will get your entire family to get some hiccups. (The same can also be done in the first class compartment where only three people are seated. You would have to be the fourth one. Bigger crime).

Though the biggest one would be banning the ‘cycle-chai-coffee-cigarette wala’. The humble saviours who provide a good cup of tea throughout the night. Accompanying drunk lads, students and call centre chaos. They have their spots, but they sure seem to be diminishing.

Know more possibilities which would piss of an average Mumbaite? Put them down below.