The Voodoo I Don’t Do

Maybe it’s because I have resistance to those requests that they continue to roll in.

So this post is written for those who think I am withholding secrets of attraction that are keeping them from the love they crave …

For the record, I believe your best practice for manifesting love is to focus on how you want to feel and let the powers that be deliver whoever best matches that vibe.

Universe knows better than you do.

Find a love vibe and let Universe do its job. Stop limiting your results by attaching to a specific somebody.

Instead of thinking there’s only one special someone who will ever make you feel complete …

Instead of believing you’ll never be happy until that One has declared their love and is in your arms …

Instead of limiting Universal power in delivering your True Love –

Instead, open to the possibility that there might be someone even better.

(I, in fact, am pretty sure there is.)

Plus, there’s something super magical when you stop clinging to the one you’ve got your sights set on and instead consider love may be more easily found elsewhere. (Like within, for starters.)

Very often releasing your attachment to that specific someone is the very thing that allows the one you were pursuing vibrationally to turn around and give you a good look-see. (Wrote about that, too.)

But maybe, just maybe, there is someone even better waiting for you to stop chasing the love that isn’t yours.

Regardless, I am not your girl for helping you manifest a specific someone into your arms. Would you want me helping somone you weren’t interested in get you into his bed? I didn’t think so. That’s the voodoo I don’t do.

37 Responses to “ The Voodoo I Don’t Do ”

I would add this to that: If you haven’t learned to love yourself, if you did not grow up knowing deep down that you were loved and cherished, no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE is going to give you what you missed. FIRST AND FOREMOST, learn to love yourself, and learn that love is not about someone else filling a hole in your soul; only you can find what will fill that hole yourself. And yes, it may mean you be your own partner until you learn what loving and being loved is about.

I’ve been manifesting specific women into my life since I first learned about manifesting when I was eight years old. On three specific occasions, the women I manifested into my life were “way out of my league” for various reasons. Even though I’ve had these successes, for years I avoided working with people who wanted to manifest a specific person into their lives. Then I had a client of mine, who I was really resistant to helping manifest the specific guy she wanted, not only manifest the guy, but married him and now they have two kids together. After that experience, I eventually realized I needed to rethink my position on things. Here’s what I tell people today…

Is it possible to manifest anyone you want into your life?

Absolutely

How can you manifest a specific person into your life?

Get into alignment.

What if you can’t get into alignment with being in a relationship with that person?

Then that person is NOT going to manifest into your experience, no matter how bad you think you want it.

How do you get into alignment with manifesting a specific person into your life?

All manifesting techniques work. Your job is to figure out which ones naturally work for you best, forget the rest, and focus on using those specifically to get into alignment with your desires.

How will you know when you’re in alignment with the person manifesting into your life?

When you think about the person, you won’t feel any negative tension or doubt (another way of saying this is you’ll feel good).

What if you haven’t figured out which manifesting techniques work best to get you into alignment with your desires?

Start working on that immediately or find someone who can help you figure this out.

Yes one can manifest specific person but only if it is “reciprocal”. No amount of alignment will change that if it is not reciprocal. Why? Because this is no different than those millions of begging posts on forums asking how to get an ex back when the ex does not want anything to do with them anymore.

I spent many years wanting a specific person who I knew wanted me but we never even got to the relationship stage because I went off him when I last saw him. I had this big la la self deluded image of him and us etc. but in the cold light of day when I walked passed him in the street I didn’t have any emotions for him good or bad. After 2 weeks I started a new relationship with someone with the list that I had wrote about for the first man. This relationship was much better for me in many ways. After all I did ask for the specific person or someone even better if he is not the one. The first specific person did make it clear to me back in the day that he wanted me so I can’t say we weren’t in alignment. And Was detached? well I thought I was because I was dating other men over the years but I was still waiting and hoping like there was no tomorrow.

Would I manifest a specific person again? Yes only if reciprocal but I would not wait years but a few days to get the ball rolling. Would I use LoA (affirmations, mantras, lists, magick) to do that NO WAY!

I have had friends who get back with exes after many years of ending the relationship and believed that they would be with a specific ex but the relationship didn’t last that long. I have mentioned this is my old posts here.

I also believe that any so called coach peddling such services are doing an mass injustice to clients who are desperate and are only in it to line their pockets with cash. They are no different from Psychic cleaners, spell casters, conmen. LoA doesn’t work for you but through you with your own very simple every day steps, all for free! Avoid giving your power to someone else.

I would suggest anyone wanting to have a specific person to take full personal responsibility knowing that you can not compel anyone with LoA zombie style regardless if you think they are the one for you. Avoid paying anyone for such hocus pocus and love yourself. KEEP going out, Keep meeting new people and be active and ready for a healthy relationship. Then love will find you and your whole world will change once you let go of the needy got to have him feeling. It can happen within days!

Why not use LoA for manifesting a “specific type of person” 6’2″, dark hair, Gorgeous, talented, good sense of humor, loves pets, No kids, faithful, share the same values and morals etc. This worked like magick for me in all areas of my life, time after time.

Manifesting a specific person only keeps you attached regardless if you say that you are open to meet other men/women. You can NOT manifest if you are attached. Nor can you play act that you are detached because your feelings will be incongruent.

……….
Now I would be very grateful if someone would help me get rid of a ” 6’2″, dark hair, gorgeous man who I have detached from even wanting anymore. LOL

It is possible and yes, both parties must be up for it. I read last night that a fan became the girlfriend of her favorite actor after following him on Twitter for from 2009-2015 and this year they are a couple. I thought of this post. She did meet him a few times throughout this period. I am sure he was into her too. Some say it was stalking, but we do not know the details. My point is that she did not give up and dreamed all the way to reality.

Great story and in particular, I enjoyed your last point “she did not give up and dreamed all the way to reality.” The client of mine who manifested the specific guy (who has now been happily married for years and has two boys) waited over 10 years for him to show up in her experience. She did date other guys during that time but none satisfied her. After she broke up with her last boyfriend, she decided either he was going to be “the one” or she was going to never get married. Her stance seemed delusional to me but she proved me dead wrong. Biggest lesson I learned from her is that you can never really know what’s right for another. If someone’s intuition is telling them to stick to a path that seems nuts to everyone else, they just need to follow that guidance and forget other people’s opinions.

Amen. The greatest lesson of them all! Sticking to that is one of the challenges most have, I am sure you see in your practice all the time. Most drown it out with other stuff (look around in society). But following inner guidance is one of the keys of spiritual practice.

This story of yours is one of my favorites and I have tooted about it before, as I never forget it, since this theme keeps popping up.

I read this story the other day and was in two minds about it. Yes she did get what she wanted at the end of the day it was obsession. Hence why most people would say that she stalked him.

Katie Holmes and a friend done something the same when they were kids about Tom Cruse and she ended up getting married to to him. Yes they are divorced but maybe it was not for their highest good.

With both stories I think its cute but there is a danger of getting obsessed with ONE person because you are depending on that person to give you love etc. when there are many more people in the world can provide the same time or even better.

Sometimes people come into our lives for a brief moment or forever but for me I’d stay clear from self deluded fantasy selling stuff regardless if it is for a particular person or thing. Simply because it is not healthy for ones mind and soul.

Hicks done a talk with a woman that wanted a particular man and I was so glad to hear that she didn’t give the woman any false hope about her dreams. This can be found on Youtube. I will try and find a link for the audio if possible…

I always say if two people want to be together, there is nothing that will stop it from happening like already married, work, distance etc. You just have to look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie story on how they got together and are still married to each other.
Saying all that I have my own moral limits on how far I would go. Everyone is different.

Indeed, if two people want to be together nothing will stop them. Abraham always say that wild horses could not keep Esther away from Jerry when they met. A relationship is between two people and others should not have a say in it because they simply do not know what is going on, vibrationally or otherwise. As a matter of fact, people use the “stalking” excuse all the time when they see two people together. Most of the time, it is far from the truth. Ok, there may have been a wearing down of sorts, but that is so that the other person knows you care and that takes a while.

Meeting when one or both are married is a b*tch because how about if both are married to good people and have good marriages? I have read extensively on this subject as well and the solutions are very good ones, where no party gets hurt and it is all for the common good but I won’t go into it here. On the other hand, those who fall in love when married would have separated from their spouse anyway and the other party was merely a catalyst. I think this is the case with Brad and Angie.

Also, there are others in relationships who leave spouses they’ve had chemistry with, but the spouse didn’t respect them. So, it goes beyond all the things the populace usually points to regarding these things. Relationships are a dance involving two people and anything outside of that is irrelevant.

Also, love is love. Once deeply felt and realized by someone, he or she always feels that way about another. I’m talking about meeting when already married. That love is not wasted. It’s imprinted in the ether and always felt, regardless if the two people are together of not. In the interim spouses may pass and so on and those two people can be together without remorse.

Also, this topic should not be poked and prodded the way it is by society as a whole and by anybody. It should really be left alone. The goal is to live one’s life to the fullest, and everything else, including this topic, will fall into place by itself, without any tampering. No need for voodoo or anything else. There is no need for these things when living your life in the vortex, or to the fullest, as gurus would say. Gurus say there is no need to apologize for anything if living your life the right way spiritually. And I do not mean living like a monk, either.

One guru gave a great example that even adultery is considered to be a good deed by someone. It was in the context of a dead man who went to heaven and there was no place for him because he had done only good deeds while alive. The angles gave him some extra hours of life during which he could mess up. He committed adultery with a married woman, thinking that would get him a place in heaven, but on the way out she told him what a good deed he had done. No, stop shouting, this is not controversial, but showing us that everything is relative and it is too bad people are out of the vortex and do not understand this.

Being single should be celebrated more, as I am sure it was once, since marriage was invented at a lower vibrational period when the church wanted to keep tabs on people. This may be beyond the context of this post, but I am glad I’ve gotten this far and this is my reminder of that.

I’m in the predicament of being married, and fell for someone also married. The connection is strong and going for almost 3 years. We are just friends, but I have an intuitive knowing that something is going to happen in the future, maybe near future between us.

You mentioned in one of your comments, “Meeting when one or both are married is a b*tch because how about if both are married to good people and have good marriages? I have read extensively on this subject as well and the solutions are very good ones, where no party gets hurt and it is all for the common good but I won’t go into it here.”

You summed up my situation right there. I’ve tried finding good resources online with little or no success. Would you be able to point me in the right direction on the topic? I would love to read up more on this specifically.

I had a big long post to type but reminds me of the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks

I thank God everyday that he ignored my teens and early 20s late night prayer sessions where I begged that certain paramours would sweep me off my feet and take me away and we’d live happily ever after.

In the love lottery let’s just say I wasn’t picking winners that’s for sure………

I’m in a relationship with a great guy who wasn’t on my radar at all and not even my type but he was someone the universe knew and knows I need and while I don’t see us being together forever as lovers but forever as friends and when the time is right we’ll transition into that friendship I’m glad to have loved and been loved by someone who taught me a lot and helped me grow into the person on the other side of the vortex.

And who knows….we might make it 100 still together and enjoying margaritas and have robot nurse carers and be happily married. We joke about our 100 year old selves all the time!!!!

Oh, yeah, Jeannette, I am sure you get plenty of questions about this topic. As Abe say, it is quite a huge topic and alignment is key. Loving yourself first, being in love with life itself, and going about your life is crucial. This is the vortex, no?

And I absolutely love Namaste’s story about that former client of his. The point is that she let it all go and was okay with being single when her former sweetheart got divorced and they reconnected.

This also works for desiring a baby, right? I know there was a separate post on that on the blog, but it is the same premise. I think the best thing to do is be in the vibration of family, be in alignment and be in the feeling of already having it instead of it being so missing.

Getting attached to “how” it should look rarely does us any manifesting favors. Mike Dooley talks about using details (like people, places, things) to help amp up our vibe, but only for that purpose. Not to actually make that particular thing/person happen, but just to help us get in the vibrational state of what we want. And then be OPEN about how that’s delivered.

Unfortunately, I have manifested exactly the person I wanted into my life through consistent practice and persistence, only to find that there was a big lesson there. Having said that, I totally get the feeling that “it has to be” this particular person. This is my two cents. Instead of manifesting that person into your life forever, manifest a specific life experience with that person. For example, manifest dinner at a specific restaurant with that person. Or, seeing them at your local coffee store and having a conversation. I find that by manifesting a specific experience with them, instead of them, actually works and keeps away from the voodoo. Remember Genie’s rules – I can’t bring anyone back from the dead or make anyone fall in love with you.

I totally agree with you, Amina!!
Manifesting little things helps a lot to maintain the confidence too. It also gives me feelings of gestation period… when everything is about to happen at the right time.
Much Love and Light

That does feel like a cleaner approach, Amina. Can you say any more about what your lesson was in manifesting the exact person you wanted? It might be good for some of us to hear from someone who’s been there, done that. 🙂

Oh yes, been there, tried that… I’ve sent him “pink love light”, I’ve tried and altered my past, I’ve made room for him in my life etc etc. BUT! I did it with an “or better, truly it’s up to you, Universe” attitude. If it is him: Awesome!! If not, but someone else that fits the bill: Awesome!!

So, I practised detachment and most of all, I practised loving me. And being proud of me and being happy to walk with me.

And guess what, the pink light worked, the past changing worked, because the next time I saw him I realised I could look at him with love, but no desire. I could look at him without pain or sadness about the past. And I could look at him and realised that I grew more than him and that I loved myself more than I love him. So, the voodoo worked in that I got over him completely. And that was the biggest gift of freedom and love of all!

I always tell women that exes come back, and they do, but they won’t want them anymore because of that growth that occurs, and even more importantly, they notice the something better that does come along. I know this may not necessarily pertain to your personal example, but I just thought about it and figured I’d add it here after the lovely story you shared.

I have also seen people come together again after years of being apart, after much growth had taken place. The U brought them together again after much growth on both sides, when they were both single again, with no other attachments in they way of their being together.

Hi Christa, Thanks for sharing your experience.
I would like to know how you sent the pink light in your own words and experience. I have ready many articles and watched videos, but really interested in know how and what is the experience during the process for other people.
Thank you.
Love and Light

Love this, Jeannette! For some reason it’s really struck a chord with me. No, not for my “ideal man” but for my “ideal car”. I’ve been working on “my” new car for over a year and while I’ve had ridiculously good success with manifesting many things, some of them pretty major, that car’s not one of them (yet). Obviously I’m not in alignment with it (yet) or it would be here, & one of my 2016 intentions is to fine-tune my manifesting skills well enough to “hey, presto” it into my driveway. That’s some voodoo I do want to do!

The way I see it, when someone want a very specific other into their life, it usually is more a matter of ego than love -for themselves or the other.
The clue, I guess, is to be really aware of the root of our desire: Is it love, or ill that motivates the desire?

This is so true as this was my case. The guy in question was so hot he gave me butterflies to many years to mention after each time I had thought of him. The attraction was there for sure but I believe my main goal was to proof to myself that I could have him. The chase was a lot more fun on both sides. I guess I was aware of this from the get go but I kept on making excuses.

…….
Jeannette I wanted to say think you for not providing such Voodoo services. I know this is very high demand but it shows you have “ethics”.
……..

People maybe interested in this story (link below) on how to find love a bit like Jeannette’s like pray rain journaling. This is what I do

Sorry folks, but I gotta agree with Jeannette on this one. As a powerful manifester I do believe that I could attract a specific person. I also know I have an incredible imagination and I can dream up some really ginormous cool stuff. Yet, my imagination of just how incredibly good it can be pales compared to the stuff the universe is willing to send me. I have experienced this enough times in life to trust the universe to send me the EVEN BETTER than the biggest most incredible stuff I can imagine. So why would I limit myself by choosing the specifics to the point where I limit what the universe can bring me? I can picture my posse of angels and guides sighing at such a request and because I am loved and I asked with conviction, they might grant my wish. I picture them first trying to steer me to something even better, but as I dig in my heals insisting I know best, I am granted my wish. I would receive exactly the best thing my limited wishing could conjure up. And deep down I know that I could have done better if I had just let the universe provide. So for me there is no question. Ask for what brings you the feeling when you ask for experiences of love, happiness, anything involving interacting with other beings and add “OR EVEN BETTER!” So me no touch that Voodoo either 🙂

Besides. I believe in free will. When we use manifesting powers to influence specific people to fall in love with us are we truly manifesting purely from a place of love? Or are we casting a spell on someone? Just doesn’t sit right with me. But that’s me and free will includes all of us deciding for ourselves exactly how and what to manifest 🙂

thanks for totally summing up my dating experience ! I am on your page with this as I have literally shot myself in the foot so many times trying to manifest feelings from a specific someone. It usually works but then it ends up with so much mircromanaging on my end that the person just becomes a room of mirrors – reflecting back to me my own fears. I can literally feel my angels covering their eyes lol ! oh my shes done it again …haha luckily they are super patient with me and I’ve come to realise that the minute I feel the need to manipulate the other persons response to me I’m on the wrong track..its always that exact moment in the past I hand my power over and things get messy and I’m dropping out of my highest alignment . So the next layer to this experience has been me trusting my inner urges and feelings and trusting life ..whew this was really hard recently as I met a gorgeous hot guy who blew my mind…but on the first date my tummy was weirding out on me and I literally felt like getting the hell out of there despite how nice he was .. So I resisted any micromanageing and instead worked on my alignment with my higher self …I went on the second date fully composed and feeling better in myself and he went completely cold on me . I could see him losing interest or disengaging …It blew my mind and I drove away feeling really rejected and sad but I realized once I got through the yucky rejection stuff ..that I had actually repelled him by being in total alignment with myself …how hilarious !!! so once again there is a lot of trust when you hand things over to universe .
alignment

Amber, thanks for sharing. Before I got as wise about just how intuitive I am now and really learned to let go of the outcome, I would make something not quite right fit. It would start off with a pure feeling of “ooh here is what I asked for” in the form of a job offer, new man, new friend, new opportunities. Then within the first couple of dates, I’d get that clear signal in my awareness that something is off. My intuition is out of this world uncanny. Then my brain would talk me out of it with things like, “maybe he is nervous?” All kinds of explanations. My brain and my awareness having a full blown discussion. I turned this around learning to LOVE my awareness for telling me quickly exactly what I needed to know. Combining this with little attachment to the outcome, I can now relax and let it play out. When I meet someone new and I am intrigued, I say, “thank you universe for bringing me someone super intriguing. I do not know what this is or will be, but I intend to have fun and trust my awareness and I KNOW that it will be exactly what it is meant to be.” My last boyfriend was a preview of what is to come. I had spent an evening deeply immersed in the feeling of being in this incredibly fulfilling relationship. I wrote in my notebook asking the universe for the relationship. I was fully vibrating the relationship in vivid FEELING details. I was with this man for 15-20 minutes. I was moved to tears really FEELING the beauty of the relationship. 10 days later the most incredible man came into my life. He was everything I had asked for. He came at a time when I was doubting that what I wanted in a mate even existed because being in my late 40s, I had yet to experience being truly matched with an equal. We had an uncanny connection to the point where we could sit together and return to the same prior lifetime where we had been in human form as childhood friends, siblings, you name it. I can best describe it as our energies would literally dance together. Within the first couple of weeks I knew that this man was meant to be temporary in my life. It was very clear that he was the universe saying, “okay. You asked for ALL of this! So lets test out if THIS is really what you want and are ready for before we send the real deal.” My close friends would argue this and say, “but he is amazing! And you guys are so happy together.” And I would say, “yes! I absolutely love him.” “Mostly, I am overwhelmed with gratitude because the universe brought me this and now I KNOW it exists.” And I’d tell them, “so it doesn’t matter if it is this one that it is meant to be or someone else. Either way I cannot lose, don’t you see?” Of course I argued a bit with my awareness over time. Of course I felt sadness saying goodbye to this man. But I received the last lesson I think I needed to learn about relationships before my ONE comes. That was to not be so attached to the outcome of the relationship afraid of it ending and holding onto it so tight that I help manifest the ending. I needed to learn to let a relationship be a living breathing evolving thing. I am grateful beyond measure, because I know this planet is loaded with men just like this one. I know my match exists. There are thousands of the ONEs for me. The best part that I am truly happy NOW with a feeling that nothing is missing in my life. And I have such FUN with the anticipation of the ONE and how I will end up bumping into him. The only thing I know about that is that it will be when I am fully present with something completely different and not looking for him.
A month into the relationship I just described to you, I went back and read the many pages I had covered in my notebook and was blown away with how detailed the feelings and ALL that I asked for was. And I spared nothing in terms of how amazing I wanted it to feel, the core values I wanted to share, etc. And there it was. I forgot to ask for the shared desire for a long term commitment 🙂 Adding it a month later does not work, but the next one shares my desire for a long term commitment.

This preview relationship taught me to let go and fully be ME in a relationship. I asked for that feeling of being fully seen, heard, accepted, and loved for all of who I am. I have many relationships in my life, with my best friends, my brother, my children, that are like that, but I had never felt truly free to be completely myself in a love relationship. I certainly was not allowed to be anything close to ME in my marriage. So now I understand that my marriage had to end. That I had to afterwards go on a pretty long journey back to ME. First I had to learn to truly love myself after a childhood of being taught to put a lid on ME. My mother meant well, but was so not prepared for the being I am and me being BIG and BRIGHT and so full of LIFE and JOY was way over the top for her. Along the way back to ME, I was granted wonderful relationships with men who all helped me step into ME on some new front where I had tucked ME away. Last summer listening to Abraham Hicks in my car it hit me. I needed to step fully into my own power, fully into ME to be ready for what I asked for. This last 5 month relationship, which ended this past August, was the perfect creation for me to be ME, fully ME, in a relationship. And the funny part is that knowing the relationship was temporary was exactly what I needed to let go and fully be ME. When you already know something has an end there is no longer any fear of losing it. When it is temporary you can let go and just BE in it enjoying the experience in the now and fully be yourself. What can I say? I am a slow learner lol. This was a lesson I needed to learn to be free and to be ME in all relationships. I did ask for the FEELING of being fully ME when I asked for the relationship and along with all the other amazing things I asked for and got I also got being ME. What an incredible gift! Thank you universe 🙂 !

Here is the thing for me. I am a middle-aged woman who truly have never quite had a strong attraction for guy before. In my late twenties I figured I never would, that it just wasn’t who I was to have that giddy love feeling. I married someone who I think is a wonderful person but not who I had a strong physical attraction towards and I was content. 13 years into the marriage I meet someone who has blown me away. I have stayed faithful to my husband but 6 years later I am still attracted to the person.

I am at such a loss, I restrict communication with the person and I try not to encourage anything. For months at a time I do not see him or talk to him. But when I do see him I light up, it’s the first time ever I feel so high around someone and I don’t want to stop talking to them.
I know I sound horrible, but I have stayed faithful yet I feel like I am at a tug of war with myself. I want to stay do what is right but my thoughts are constantly with this guy. Shouldn’t i be manifesting this with my husband. Why did theis guy show up out of nowhere when I wasn’t thinking those attraction thoughts. How do I use LOA in this situation?

I know you asked this question of Jeannette. If you only want to hear what Jeannette says, you can stop reading now. Otherwise, here’s what came to mind after reading your comment that landed in my inbox…

#1 I don’t believe that this guy is randomly showing up in your life. Sure, you weren’t actively thinking thoughts about another guy but your conscious thoughts don’t tell us anything about what’s going on in your vibration. You attracted this guy into your life. Period.

#2 After six long years of resisting this guy, I think it’s safe to conclude that continuing to resist is futile (and honestly continuing to resist is not really healthy and may cause some deep regrets later in life). This guy is showing up in your life for a reason. Now, it’s time to figure out why he’s showing up in a way that doesn’t compromise your integrity/marriage.

I ended up working with a woman years ago who is married with kids. The first time she handed me a piece of paper, our hands touched and I literally felt an electric shock go up my arm. I’d never experienced anything like that. It soon became clear that she was as taken by me as I was by her. We ended up talking about things. We never did anything that compromised her marriage in any way. In the end, we concluded that despite the intense attraction we have for each other that there is no future for us. I’m polyamorous. She monogamous. She has kids. I don’t want kids. I’m a workaholic by choice. She’s likes to enjoy a relaxing life. Because we talked, neither of us have any regrets. To this day, we’re dear friends. We talk a few times a year. The attraction is still there for the both of us but we’re both ok with that because we both realize that in this life, it’s just not meant to be.

On the flip side, I was reading a book about Ray Kroc (the guy who took McDonalds huge) years ago. One day he was at a convention and he met the wife of one of his largest franchisers. The attraction was intense. He’s never felt this way before. He loved his wife but he’d never felt that way before about a woman. He resisted until he couldn’t anymore. He approached the wife of his franchiser and found out she felt the same way about him. She resisted for a few more years but if I remember correctly, eventually she and Ray both got divorced and remarried each other.

I guess my bottom line question to you is, “Are you going to die with regrets if you don’t figure this out?” If you won’t, then it’s easier to not do anything. However, if you’re always going to wonder what if, it seems like you need to figure this out, for both you and your current husband. No guy wants to be settled for. If you’re meant to be with someone else, that means there is another woman out there that is a better match for him too.

Namaste,
Thank you so much for replying and not judging. I failed to mention that he is married as well. We used to see each other regularly as we worked together but now don’t. Occasionally because of our profession we do run into each other. When we worked together he would always compliment me, seek me out for lunch and try to talk to me as much as per without raising eyebrows as he was my senior. After I left that workplace he added me as a friend on facebook but I blocked him after a few months cause I just needed to move on,
I saw him last week after three months of blocking him. and he came straight over to me,
We talked and laughed and the attraction was still there. At he told me to come (down to his work place) whenever I wanted.
That was last week. We haven’t talked since.
I so do need help trying to figure out why he is in my life and how to handle it.
He won’t openly talk about it, and I have to admit the thought of talking about it makes me feel guilty and vulnerable…so imagine me posting this here! I desperately want answer as to what my next step should me.
I admire your openness and honesty with your then Co-worker.. On the one hand I hope it can move in that direction on the other a part of me just wishes to go for it but I know I will feel awful afterward. I’m trying to figure out as you said, why he shows up in that won’t compromise my marriage. Thanks again for your answer

As I learned with the woman I use to work with, strong attraction doesn’t mean that two people are meant to be together. All it means is that there is an attraction there.

I completely understand the thought of talking about it making you feel guilty and vulnerable. I really struggled with that myself, when I was in your situation. In my case, I had to know so the conversation had to happen. However, to be completely honest I wasn’t married so I didn’t have your situation to deal with. I know this might sound strange, but I’d suggest you ask yourself, “What would I be ok with if the roles were reversed? If your husband was in your shoes, what would you want him to do?”

Speaking of your husband, I mentioned this in the first post already but it’s worth mentioning again. No guy wants to be settled for…

Finding out your wife met someone else sucks.

Finding out your wife wants a divorce really sucks.

Finding out your wife settled for you, there aren’t words for how much that sucks. If you’re settling for him, he’s getting cheated out of the opportunity to find a wife that really wants him, is really attracted to him, is really into him. You need to figure this one out for yourself but in doing so you’ll also be doing you current husband a huge favor too.

Before I close this comment up, I should mention that the fact that this guy won’t openly talk about things, that makes me wonder about his intentions. Is he just a serial cheater who is looking to get laid again?

Anyway, best of luck with everything. It might be worth seeking some professional help on this one. There are a lot of great relationship coaches out there who are more affordable than you might think. And as wack as this sounds, if you do go the professional route, you might want to take your husband with you (if your intuition tells you it’s a good idea). Honest communication isn’t easy but in the long run it’s usually worth it.

You’ve helped me tremendously. I appreciate you honest and we’ll balance opinions. I had a moment of clarity reading your post. I’ve tried to deny the possibility of him to be a cheat, but as he kept showing up I was trying to figure out if and how and why I was manifesting him. And I have tried to place myself in my husband position.

Thank you for the sage advice Because of it I believe I can let go whereas I couldn’t before for fear of losing out on something awesome.