My boyfriend and I have a Dom/sub relationship (he is the Dom). We also play with some “special friends” from time to time. Since I feel no hesitation having anal sex with him because of our love and trust, I am not really interested in engaging in it with others. He seems to see this as resistance to his control and it has led to some heated discussions. I have told him I am not interested but his challenge is, “How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?” Do you have any advice on a good response or two that I can have ready the next time the subject comes up?

–Stubborn Submissive

While I understand that complete control and surrender of one’s free will is a goal for many people in Dominant/submissive relationships, I’m also practical: very few human beings can be 100% submissive and surrender all their free will to another person. That’s why it is quite common in the leather world for people to negotiate ground rules in scenes and relationships. I appreciate your Dominant’s desire to have your complete obedience, to push you to expand your erotic horizons, and to see other people fuck you in the ass; however, I am siding with you on this one. You have communicated a clear boundary to him, and I think that boundary needs to be respected. He needs to see that you having limits does not mean you are resisting him, but that you are taking care of yourself, listening to your instincts, and communicating clearly — which are all great qualities for a submissive to have.