(II) IELTS Task 2 Essay writing

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

A student wrote :

I agree with the statement that government should spend more money on railways rather than roads. Everybody can afford railways. It is the fastest and the safest means of transport. Trade and business also depend on transport. As railways carry tonnes of goods from one place to another. While roads are used for shorter distance only. Roads are not suitable for unmetalled roads.

Government should spend more money on railways because it is better and railway offers fast and safe commuting. As we all know that number of road accidents are increasing so I guess everybody should afford railways as railways causes less environmental damages.

The population is also increasing and railways can carry hundreds of people from one place to another. Railways carry tonnes of goods from one place to another. While roads can carry less number of people. Railways are good for security concerns. Roads are not suitable for unmetalled roads as during rainy season these become unmotorable and are seriously handicapped during heavy rains and floods. There is a pollution problem As vehicles carry a lot of pollution and now-a-days percentage of air pollution has increased.

So we should prefer railways only as railways i.e. trains run on electricity and does not have any problem of pollution. Most of the people now-a-days prefer railways only as railways now offer better facilities. Shatabdi which is world’s fastest train now offers better opportunities in terms of cleaning, the food which is offered in train’s pantry is also hygienic. Railways are also good for security reasons. Investing more money on faster and safer transportation system is more logical. Railways should get priority over roads.

(273Words)

Band Score-4.5

Comments

Word limit is good but the sentence structure is not correct.

Repetition of ideas and sentences

Spelling mistakes and incorrect punctuation

Not much focused on why railways are better than roads

The introduction is unclear and not paraphrased.

Used incorrect vocabulary at some places. Unnecessary usage of upper case.

Ideas can be improved

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A student wrote:

It is argued that government spending on railways should exceed expenditure on roads. This essay agrees with this opinion and will argue, firstly, that by spending more money on railways pollution will be reduced, and secondly that there will be a significant reduction in road accidents.

Firstly, a train can carry a large number of people which helps reduce pollution. Fumes from the engines of private vehicles heavily pollute the environment whereas trains do not create nearly as much greenhouse gas. In a world where global warming is increasingly an issue of concern, building railways which are accessible and convenient to the majority of the public would encourage people to use this form of mass transport thereby lowering the total amount of carbon emissions. Reliability is one of the most important measure to see how worthy a transportation system is. Without reliability there is no certainty, which means people cannot plan ahead their schedules. That is a disaster for industries whose projects success rely on timing. Fresh food suppliers, for example, highly depend on the reliability of its distribution network to make sure their goods arrive at the hand of their customers timely.

More importantly, an increase in train use potentially reduces the number of road accidents and saves lives. One study has shown that urban rail transport is seven times safer than road per kilometre. History has shown that deaths can result from serious road accidents. For instance, in one fatal accident in Delhi recently the driver of a vehicle lost control when he collided with another vehicle and crashed into a young child, who later tragically died in hospital. Had the driver taken a train, this unnecessary loss of life would have been avoided.

In conclusion, governments should spend more money on constructing railways to reduce pollution and support the need for people to arrive at their destinations safely.