The Daily Wrap: September 3rd

Short work week? Today is awesome! It’s time to see what’s buzzing in September, how exciting!

Back to School

Some sucker MCs had to head back to school last month but today is the traditional first day of school for millions of kids as we stick a fork in summer and start our slow descent towards cold weather and the end of 2013. This means if you live in a college town you’ll either never want to go to a bar again or want to go to a bar every weekend, depending on your outlook.

Walkie Talkie Drivie Meltie

Man, what a terrible headline. Turns out there’s a skyscraper in England called the Walkie Talkie and the most notable thing about it is not how stupid that name is for a skyscraper. The skyscraper, a massive, mirrored edifice acts as a parabolic mirror and focuses the energy of the sun on anything nearby. Like parked cars.

Martin Lindsay parked his Jaguar across the street from the building for about an hour and returned to find all the plastic in his car melted. When you consider most modern cars are basically all polymer bodies, that means his car melted.

Turns out Lindsay isn’t the only one whose dash and panels have been melted beyond repair and the building has even set carpet samples on fire. This is both sad and awesome.

HIV? Negative

Bobby Russell has been receiving treatments for HIV for 8 years and, as it happens, does not have the disease and has never had the disease. The result of that is now a malpractice suit since he spent the last 8 years basically waiting to die and going through the mental and emotional turmoil of what was, in his mind, a death sentence. He spent those 8 years never knowing when he might die and contemplating ending his own life before it got too bad for him.

When Russell finally decided that, as a veteran, he deserved some benefits the Veterans Administration told him he just need a confirmatory test for them to start benefits since one had never been performed. That test should have been performed because, you know, it confirms the diagnosis. Which would have let him know he didn’t have HIV.

Surprise, You’re Pregnant/Awful

Craigslist is an awesome place to find used furniture and used people. Turns out it’s also a good place to find used pregnancy tests, which is terrible and gross. Why buy a used, positive pregnancy test? The only options we can think of are as a terrible, terrible prank/revenge on some guy or a harrowing way to teach someone a lesson. Either way you’re taking a piece of plastic someone else pissed on and using it in a pretty bad way.

Rodman in Korea

Dennis Rodman, superhero and intellectual, has returned to North Korea to hang out with his friend Kim and have a good time. Can you even imagine a circumstance in which you’d think “Yeah, my buddy may be totally insane and a mass murderer who makes constant threats of starting a world war, but man, we should play skee-ball this weekend?”

The first time Rodman went to North Korea was as a misguided diplomat, but this trip is just for kicks because he apparently likes Kim Jong-Un and is remarkably non-judgmental, not willing to hold a history of murder and human rights atrocities against a guy.

Break is working on setting up a play date between Rodman and Charles Manson.