The first incarnation
of what was to become Modern Drunkard Magazine was a one-page
death threat written by saloon keeper Hiram Flannery Rich
in 1905. A response to a recent article in the Boston Globe
describing his saloon as “a
fine place to tarry, so long as you don’t mind poisonous
whiskey and your brain bashed in by the vile brigand posing
as a saloon keeper,” it was titled If There Is
a Mercyful (sic) God in Heaven Jules Hollis of the Boston
Globe Will Be Murderered (sic) by Suppertime. Ten hand-copied
issues, each more vulgar than the last, were passed out
amongst his regulars, and they went over so well he began
issuing a regular newsletter.

After toying with the title Can Anyone
Tell Me Why
Jules Hollis Isn’t Dead Yet?, he decided to
go for a broader appeal and settled upon Genteel Drunkards
Drink at Hiram Rich’s Real Irish Saloon.

The first editions were, quite frankly, mostly obscenity-laden
editorials about customers who snuck dogs into his saloon
or owed him money, with the occasional think-piece about
what horrific tortures and tribulations could be visited
upon the aforementioned Mr. Hollis. Over time, however,
Hiram started including less personal articles, including, “The
Art of Headthumpery,” “How to Spot a Harlot,” and
inventive cocktail recipes involving copper polish and various
solvents.

When he lost his saloon in the Great Fire of 1909, Hiram
shortened the name to The Genteel Drunkard, hired
a small staff, and launched a Boston-wide edition.

Though quite controversial (on four occasions the offices
of the magazine were raided by hatchet-wielding members
of the Women’ Christian Temperance Union and the Ladies
of Boston Insanity League), the magazine found an audience
and grew to a circulation of 15,000 issues a month.

Hiram retired in 1918 and passed the thriving enterprise
to his son Horace Kelly Rich, who had recently returned
from thrashing the Hun in Europe.

“Only a rare and powerful combination
of raving imbecility and national prohibition could screw
this sweet deal up,” Hiram told his heir. “And
since there’s
no way this great nation would outlaw booze, you should
make out fine.”