Giving kids a home: Woodland couple welcomes being foster parents

Editor's Note: The last names of the family, and the full names of the infant and 2-year-old have been excluded to protect them. These are still open cases where parents are attempting to reclaim their children.

Welcoming a baby into a family is an exciting time, especially for Woodland couple Vicki and Todd, who said good-bye to a 2-year-old boy a week before the newborn arrived.

Vicki and Todd are one set of many foster parents who welcome children into their homes.

As of January 2013, there were 240 children in foster care in Yolo County alone, according to Cherie Schroeder, director for the Foster and Kinship Care Education program. This is only a fraction of the more than 500,000 foster children nationwide.

The newborn baby girl came as a bit of a surprise to Vicki, who just spent 10 weeks caring for a 2-year-old foster son. A week after she said good-bye to him, Vicki received a phone call asking if she could care for a newborn baby girl.

"A newborn has all kinds of stuff that happens the first days of their life in any situation," Vicki said. "But this is even more magnified because we weren't ready for her, we didn't prepare for her necessarily and so everything had to change the second we said yes."

The couple took the newborn home on Jan. 28, introducing her to their two biological sons, a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old, who welcomed her to the family, each wanting to hold the infant.

"Vicki is just an example of one of the 90 extraordinary caregivers in Yolo County," Schroeder said. "I think she's doing a terrific job."

The road to becoming a foster parent was a long one, taking the couple three years to achieve. Through the foster care program, parents are required to take pre-service classes and meet specific criteria.

According to Schroeder, who is a foster parent herself, the program offers about 700 hours of class each year through a partnership with Woodland Community College. Since 1985, the program has worked to prepare foster parents and their families for the process.

The pre-service classes go over what parents can expect in caring for a foster child. Vicki remembers the classes being very informative, giving her and her husband parenting information for their two children as well.

California law requires that any home caring for a child must be licensed if the child is not closely related to the foster family. Although Vicki and Todd took three years to complete their training and receive their foster care license, it is not typical to take that much time.

Other requirements include financial stability, good health, no criminal convictions or reports of child abuse, and a willingness from all family members to accept the child.

After having their second son, the couple tried for a third, but Vicki was told by doctors that she could not conceive. For her, this brought up the idea of adoption once again.

"I've had an adoption on my heart or a need for an adoption on my heart from a young age," Vicki said. For her husband of nine years, the need was not as strong but he was open to the idea and moved forward with the licensing process.

Vicki's brother was another factor that spurred her interest in fostering. He adopted two kids out of foster care about five years ago, in a different county. "We kind of got to watch and observe how that process went and see the successes and pains of that," she said.

Vicki also discussed it with several members of her church, University Covenant in Davis, who are foster parents.

Now on their second placement, the first only lasting 10 weeks, the couple is still adjusting to their roles as foster mother and father.

"Just as there are ups and downs in parenting, there are going to be ups and downs in foster parenting as well," Vicki said. "And there are resources, there are support systems in place, but the bulk of the work is you as the foster parent."

Vicki took steps to ensure that her sons were aware that the situation with the foster children is temporary. When the family was preparing to take in the 2-year-old boy, she moved her sons into a room together, freeing up the last bedroom in their house.

When the foster child came home, the brothers knew that he would not be staying long.

"Another reason why I personally wanted it for my children at this age was I want them to know that they live in a broken world but that they can do something about it," Vicki said. "That they have the gift of a family who loves them and they can share that gift even at their age. And I've seen it."

Vicki's advice for those considering becoming a foster parent is that you need to be flexible, because the children often have busy schedules themselves with parent visits, doctors' appointments and so on. She said you also need to have the time. Vicki stays home with the children while Todd works, but not every couple is able to do so.

"The other thing you need is you have to like kids," she said. "Really like kids."

Vicki admits that she is not perfect and that caring for young children is very challenging and "these children have exceptional needs that can make that even harder."

One of the main challenges that many foster parents struggle with is getting too attached to the child. Vicki talked about how some foster parents might choose to limit their interactions to avoid attachment.

"If you really want these children to have healing and have an opportunity to witness what a healthy, not perfect, family looks like. What loving families look like," she said. "Then you are going to get attached. That's just the reality of it."

According to Schroeder, reuniting the family is "always first and foremost the goal."

A point that Vicki echoed, "Foster care is not an adoption agency, foster care is about family reunification."

The couple has kept this in mind, maintaining relationships with the biological parents of both their placements.

"We come at it as these kids are a part of our family as long as they need a safe place to be," she said. "We're gifted in that, we can let them go."