Teen Burns Down House To Avoid Doing Dishes

A 13-year-old teen was arrested for arson Wednesday evening after reportedly burning down the family house to avoid doing the dishes, says the Bangor Monthly News. According to police reports, Joshua Blackwell was arrested after the family’s cape-style home was left in a rubble from a horrific fire.

“I asked Josh to do the dishes before his father and I left for the movies,” said Marsha Blackwell, 44. “Normally that’s not a chore I’d ask him to do, but Greg [Blackwell, Joshua’s father] and I were in a rush. The new Maze Runner movie is out, and we wanted to make the 7:15 show.”

“I never have to do the fucking dishes,” said Joshua during the police interrogation. “That’s a woman’s job. My job is to normally just take out the trash, and I even hate doing that. When my bitch mother said I needed to do the dishes, I got pissed. They didn’t even ask if I wanted to go to the movies, they just left me to scrub all those fucking pots. They deserved this.”

Police say that Joshua Blackwell faces up to 2 years in a juvenile facility if convicted of first-degree arson. A court appointed lawyer for Joshua says that he believes that the boy will be allowed to go free, though, based on the rarely-used tactic of temporary insanity.

“Yes, I think I can get Joshua off from this crime, simply because he was asked to do the dishes, and he strongly believes that’s a woman’s job,” said lawyer Marcus Patton, Esq. “You see, because he has such strongly held convictions, his mother asking him to do such a emasculating job triggered something in him that caused this violent outburst, and he burned down their home.”

“I don’t care how any of this turns out,” said Marsha Blackwell. “All I know is that when Joshua gets home from prison, he’s grounded for a week…and definitely no TV for him!”