basically… most of my life

Do we need Love or simply Sacrifice?

Some time ago I said on a blog that I’m happy that I don’t look like a model because I would probably be making too many guys suffer due to my emotional coldness.

Now, when I’m starting to really feel happy about the way I look and the way I’m able to face life’s downs with more confidence and a bit of humor, I’m starting to face the situation above: I am starting to hurt people… or maybe I’m still hurting myself believing that I’m causing suffering, because I sure know how it feels to be rejected.

I do have my own principles in life and some standards, to say it this way: I value studies very much. Yeah, I may be old fashioned and this may not truly reflect the quality of that individual, his moral values or his abilities, but if he does not have at least what I’m having: a BA, a MA, one semester studying abroad and one foreign language certificate, I will never be able to see him as my equal. And yeah… I’m the center of my universe!

This evening when I was coming home from my acting classes, while waiting alone for the tram, I was approached by a guy in an “electrical” suit… perhaps he was stroked while fixing the wires from those incredibly large holes in the pavement in the walking area… First we made eye contact and I thought he is going to ask me “what time is it” or something. Well… he didn’t. He asked me what I’m doing.

Now, looking back, I don’t quite know if I should respond him at all or just ignore him. Because the next question was: “Could I have your phone number?”

And my next answer was: “Aren’t you getting a little too bold, perhaps?!”

And this reaction made me happy, because I felt able to defend myself. Yeah, some of you girls out there are probably facing this on a daily basis, but I’m not used to this kind of behavior. The guy was kind of looking good, to admit it, and perhaps in a different location or circumstances he would have gotten my phone number.

This reminded me of a guy last summer that approached me after getting down from the bus and asked me out for a juice and a pizza. And oddly as it may sound, I did say yes: I was single, I was confident about the way I was looking, so why not? I felt he was nice and polite. But after the pizza and a very funny hour spent talking, while walking me home, he tried to hug me and to kiss me… by force. Bad idea!! Very bad idea…

Now I believe that real love does not ask you in plain street for your phone number (although, I guess if he had asked me about my twitter account he would have left a lot more satisfied), does not follow you around and most of all, does not try to kiss you by applying force.

Anyway… what happened to me this evening with the “electrician” made me realize a lot of situations when I was in his “emotional” place. Except that… I never tried to do this with someone I didn’t know for a while from a class or from friends or perhaps work. So, as a conclusion, I have to say that we all need love in our lives and we all need sacrifice in our life in order to understand that real love.