Horoscopes: Your Cosmic Week Ahead

By Melanie Host - 23 May 2017

Every Tuesday we feel qualified to make accurate forecasts of everyone’s future based on their birthday…well, if you know a better way of predicting lottery numbers, we're all ears.

Listers, here's what's up for the last week of May. May the Force be with you.

Gemini

The summer party season is well and truly behind us, but that ain’t no reason to lock yourselves in, Gems. Got a sexy LBD or a new cologne? Slack it on and shimmy your way to the dance floor, ‘cause your relationship stars have aligned. That means you’ll make long-lasting friendships and find love this week.

Cancer

Your stars are screaming, “GO ON A PHOTOSHOOT!!!” – so get snapping, either behind the lens or in front of it. This week’s perfect for capturing 2D memories that’ll last a lifetime, whether you’re just casually hangin’ out at Hanging Rock or donning your fave new outfit under a flaming autumn tree. Don’t forget to backup your pics...

Need some liquid confidence for the week? Try these Thai BUCKET cocktails.

Leo

Say hello to your busiest week of the month (in fact make that the whole year). Fret not, Leos, you’ll get through this. Just use that open mind of yours to your advantage, take risks and try new ways of tackling your usual tasks. Most importantly: relax. Everything will fall into place.

Virgo

Have you been up to no good, again? We know you Virgos have tons of tricks up your sleeves, but if they’re not pointing in the right direction, you could end up faced with some serious repercussions, especially as your career and finance planets are in sight.

Scorpio

We’re chugging closer to the middle of the year, and you’ve caught yourself in a lazy slump. Time to get back on track. Start sleeping and eating well again, and get extra active this week!

Get yourself moovin’ with some homemade flavoured milk. If you still feel like a blob by the end of it...yeah, we've got nothin’.

Sagittarius

Weird, almost ALL your friends have gone AWOL on you lately… Pshh, you don’t need ‘em to get on with your week! If you’re going to be a loner these few days, pretend it’s on purpose and treat yourself to what YOU wanna do.

Capricorn

Uh oh, 2017 was looking good up to this point, but the weather might take a toll on your health and your overall mood this coming week. Do all you can to stay in the pink of it, and don’t despair Caps, there’s always June... June is never a bad month, right?

Aquarius

Hey, hey, excellent news, Aquarius! It seems you’ll be able to thank your lucky stars this week, cause things are looking up in your love life, career and health. You’re in for an easy peasy lemon squeezy few days ahead, so good on ya!

Since luck’s in your cards this week, send in a cheeky entry to WIN a trip to Tassie.

Pisces

Whether it’s something someone said or did, it’s seriously bothering you and causing you to enter a deep, dark space in your thought bubble… Okay, here’s our go at telling you to SNAP OUT OF IT! They. Don’t. Matter.

Aries

Your impulses are acting up, and that’s not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all… Don’t be like Pisces this week and overthink every action – this week your planets are backing you up on every single one of your choices and you DEFFO won’t regret any of it.

Don’t hesitate to go big! Beer and ribs will be flowing all Saturday long ‘cause it’s RIBFEST this weekend.

Taurus

You’ve never needed people to tell you to ‘take a chill pill, because you’re usually pretty calm going through tough times. But since we know that money woes have struck you lately, we’d like to offer you some humble advice: While you train your patience waiting for a fat cheque at the end of the financial year (here’s hoping!), shift your focus to family and the things you can’t just spend away.

Gather those important to you and get a load of this HUGE café with homebaked cronuts and truffled Croque Madams.

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By Melanie Host

Hailing from sunny Singapore, Melanie is always eager to explore the coffee capital of Aussie as she can’t stay at home for too long. When she's not writing, you’ll most likely find her queueing up for free stuff or searching for other cheap thrills.