My Secret

In my role as a support worker, I assist three people to live independently in residential care in the community.

These people all have diagnosed mental disorders, living with conditions such as schizophrenia, bi-polar, psychosis, epilepsy and anxiety issues. These conditions are all capable of causing their moods to fluctuate drastically and it is for this reason that they take prescribed medication to minimise mood swings. Even so, mood swings still occur, and sometimes result in outbursts of aggressive behaviour. These outbursts are often caused by frustration at not being able to verbally express their feelings due to their mental disability. The aggressive behaviour is usually directed at the support people.

I work in a team with four others, and at a recent team meeting we were discussing one of the people we support. Over the previous month, the other members of the team had experienced an increase in his aggressive, demanding behaviour. I had not noticed any such change in behaviour when I was working with him, and I mentioned this to them. They were a little bemused by this and asked me what my ‘secret’ was.

I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.

Later I reflected on how I express at work.

When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.

I am conscious of the tone of my voice when I’m talking to them.

I’m careful not to react to what they might say.

I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.

Above all else, I maintain my connection to self, trying not to take on what may be going on around me.

As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support. Since I have been doing this I have noticed a significant change in how one of them interacts with me.

When I first started working in the house, this particular person only engaged in limited conversation with me and didn’t share anything personal. In his staff information folder it was mentioned that he didn’t like physical touch, and tended to keep to himself. Over the last few months he has often come up to me and not only initiated conversation and shared on a personal level, but he started to reach out (tentatively at first) in a friendly manner to place his hand on my shoulder while talking to me, something he doesn’t usually do with people.

My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body. Such choices include: having a gluten, dairy and sugar free diet, choosing not to drink alcohol and choosing to go to bed at a time and in a manner that supports my body’s natural rhythms. I have found that this has provided me with a foundation that supports me at work, enabling me to hold my presence and stillness. This can be felt by those around me and has an effect on their mood and behaviour.

I have noticed that my presence at work usually has a calming effect on the people I support as well as other staff. This is supported by the decreasing number of behavioural incidents which have occurred.

So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.

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647 Comments

Susan Wilson says:March 20, 2016 at 12:45 pm

Thank you for sharing your secret, I feel this may in fact be the secret to living a life with harmony, love and joy as you say ‘So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open’. How simple is that!

I agree Kristy, what Anonymous describes is a potentially challenging situation and to bring such mastery to it is inspiring – for us as readers, and especially for Anonymous’s colleagues and clients who receive that reflection every day.

I agree Kristy, learning to stay as much as possible in a constant state of observation, as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, has been revelatory for me. The more I am like this the less I of the world I take on.

I agree Susan, living a life of simply being me, taking responsibility for all that we do, trusting what we feel when we interact with others, being loving, caring and open is actually super simple. Plus it is something we all know, we have just forgotten how to do it.

I agree Susan. When I bring those qualities to a situation there is joy and harmony, more so than if my daily livingness slips. Anonymous is a shining example of what can happen in our workplace/homes if we consistently live this way.

I love that quote too! The world around us is craving for a way of working together where connection and respect are the foundation, so that we all have the opportunity to make true and loving choices.

Many situations in life are dictated by the reactions we have to each other, learning to observe and not absorb is one of the great teachings from Serge Benhayon as this allows us to shift beyond dynamics and bring it back to love.

Yes Kirsty those dynamics can be the exact issues that we choose to make our life. Living one after another even though it may seem as if there is no dynamic at all. Reading energy and feeling what is truly behind what is going on is the most supportive thing we can do for ourselves. Then we can see things for what they truly are and not absorb the drama’s of life that we have created.

Absolutely Kristy, learning to observe and not absorb is one of the great teachings from Serge Benhayon, one that I am still refining. I used to absorb left, right and centre, and it makes you ill and exhausted, I am so grateful to understand the dynamics of this ill pattern so I now choose to stay with me, be love, and just observe.

It may not be universally supported yet Sue, but simply being me and allowing others to be themselves is certainly a way forward in a society where we are constantly being sold images of how to better ourselves and compete against each other.

That’s the lie we are constantly sold how to compete against one another, by doing this we will never get to the actual harmony of working together, surely it makes more sense to work together as a team, far more gets achieved this way. Why is it humanity only works together when there is a major disaster? Suddenly there are no man made borders, no nationalities, why cant we work together all the time like this?

This is so big Mary, the lie that competition is a major part of life and that we need to foster competition, yet look around any office and workplace and what is far more important is cooperation. That we don’t place more emphasis on cooperation, teamwork and harmony and instead push the need for competition is one of the great lies of our time as being with people is essentially at the heart of our good health and a part of all life that surrounds us.

This is beautiful Jenny- being ourselves offers exactly the same to others. This is priceless in a world where we are being asked to change and better ourselves constantly and we start to believe that this is the way to live.

I have found Jenny that when I am open to the world people are naturally drawn to me they can feel that there is something different about me. So my learning is to just be me in all that I am and the rest will take care of it self because everyone is craving a different way to be and they are drawn to this loving way like bees round a honey pot.

This is so true Anon and Sue, Bringing equality to everyone we work with through true connection is very powerful and I have also had this experience of working in similar environments to those described in this blog.

I have not worked within this field but in my experience I have found that working with children or more regularly raising 5 children, has been quite similar to what has been described in this blog too. In the sense that they pick up on every thing and there-fore I have to be very aware of every choice I make when I am with them but also in my lead up to being with them.

Oh boy – you sure have your work cut out for you Sarah! Not 1 but 5 little reflectors of truth beaming at you each and every day – impossible to hide anything so only sensible choice was – you put both hands up and lovingly surrendered!

Sarah I have felt the same to be true when working with children as a teacher. When I pay attention to all that this blog describes the quality of my interaction with my class and individuals within the class changes fundamentally.

Supported by the Universe, but not globally yet on our planet. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine humanity is on its way to learning to embrace to simply be themselves in truth, joyfully..

Karina, absolutely, ‘Supported by the Universe, but not globally yet on our planet.’ Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have shared what truly works and humanity is on its way, albeit the very beginning, to learn what it means to be themselves and to live with an energetic integrity that has been missing from our way of life. The simplicity of the answer to all our woes can be a challenge to take in and yet it still remains simple and practical to apply.

The power of what you share Anon is enormous; by the fact of meeting everyone in equalness with understanding, non-reaction, or judgment enables trust and an opening up of another. Imagine if we all interacted with each other like this all of the time what the quality of our relationships could be?

Yes that’s a great quote, it is just about our livingness and connection with ourself that brings a trust in others, it is a great thing to honour and see that the connection we have with ourself is the most important in our everyday life.

It is Benkt, surrendering to my body and allowing myself to again feel myself, others and what is going on around me is the only way that I have found to release the tension, defensiveness and need to protect myself from others and the world that has plagued me in my life, all of which kept me seperate and at a distance from people, with a constant craving for closeness. Where now I find that there is a natural ease with people, and the more I surrender the more others open to me and are willing to open to themselves with understanding and wonder. It is in this experience where I am seeing people changing their perspective and care of themselves that I can see how each of us changes the world, by simply being ourselves.

I too find myself appreciating the openness and trust that I now feel with people Leigh. It constantly amazes me the depth of openness and warmth that can be felt with others, regardless of the conversation or what is being shared. The eyes alone can welcome us in and the rest is pure magic.

To add to your comment Leigh, for me personally, and ongoing pattern or what I would say a momentum of havoc I created for myself, was to focus on, and create issues. Imagine (the word of the month) if we appreciated in that same moment and took responsibility of just being alive in a body, build a foundation of love for yourself through the most simple action of who you are. A quality that you just are. If you cannot think of any at all then it is time to get started!

Yes Sue, it is a secret without actually being a secret, we just lost the connection of what ‘simply being me’ feels like. And this is the amazing support that Universal Medicine offers, we are given a marker in our body what it truly feels like to simply be ourselves. Once we establish that in our lives, it becomes magical.

It’s so simple isn’t it? ‘My secret is simply being me’! It’s a sad state of affairs that we loose this connection to ourselves so early on in life. It’s innate in us all, especially when children but as we twist and turn ourselves out of this connection as we try to fit in to life’s demands we forget who we are. How I love the fact of Universal Medicine showing us how to reconnect to the way we lost.

That ‘not selves’ has many ways for each of us personally. The best way I could describe not self is to prioritise those things that build others. If we make it about ourselves and ‘bettering’ our existence through rewarding of so called successes for self we are letting down the opportunity to tap into a feeling of stupendous wisdom the benefits of feeling our true self.

Simply being and mores simply being ourselves is very under-rated in society. Mostly we feel the push to be more and do more. This way of living is in complete contrast to the idea of just being and that this is more than enough. It is only when you feel this fact that things can start to change.

This is so true Sue. By simply living being more connected to ourselves seems like an unknown or a secret because it is not widely recognised or lived. I love this line too, it is so simple and reveals that really there is no secret, we all know this truth already, it is our choice to connect to this or not.

We all know and feel when someone is genuine or not and if we can open up and share ourselves with them. What a beautiful gift you offer by your presence Anonymous to each person you work with and support, and reflecting another way to express.

It blows the lid on the treatment of mental health patients – while chemical imbalances are at play as thing progress, as you say Aimee, we can all feel another person’s way of living. Being genuine can build trust and relationships like no other which can be enormously healing.

Great point, I suppose when the world gets to the point where mental illness is taking over and the drugs just ain’t cutting it any more, that is when Universal Medicine students will be revered by society and possibly asked to teach others the support that is natural and accessible.

This is why the wellbeing of health care workers is really important. Sometimes the workers are struggling from similar conditions and therefore are not able to offer a different quality or reflection of choices. When you do look after yourself you are better able to remain consistent and not react to what is happening around you.

It is extremely important Kristy, how we care for ourselves before caring for anyone else whether thats in a job environment or not. Having regular wellness days or incorporating health and wellbeing into work meetings is just as important as the work itself. We also as a society need to look at the judgements and consciousness we have around mental illness, especially as you say when health workers are struggling with their own mental health issues that they seek help and not see themselves as less or more than the clients they care for.

Absolutely Aimee, the blind leading the blind, so no one benefits when the workers are also checked out and being and therefor not making the choice to be truly self-loving and self-caring. What you suggest makes perfect sense let all take a fresh look into mental health for what has been presented here is a game changer!

Vicky Geary says:March 22, 2016 at 2:21 am

Well said Simon. A dose of decency, care and connection, which can only come from a person who has chosen this first for themselves, is a powerful counter for mental health conditions.

Indeed Vicky when we choose to treat ourselves in a loving and respectful way yet participating in life fully there is very little giving up energy and little room for mental health conditions to build.

Absolutely agree Simon and holding the person equally, respecting their choices is key for this. My experience working with mental health patients, although 25 years ago, was that they were not treated equally and therefore they were fighting back with deepening their condition or being resistant to what was offered. The worse thing for any person is not being met. If we meet people things flow, being it with mental health patients or in any other person.

So true Simon, this blog “blows the lid on the treatment of mental health patients”, which in turn demonstrates so clearly that this “secret” needs to be one that is definitely not kept, but shouted from the roof tops!

Great point Simon. Our genuineness can be felt by all no matter what the state of their health, age, or any other differences such as language. Love is who we innately are and therefore is felt by all.

This can be seen in babies and young children they know who is genuine and are considering what is best for them. This does not change as we grow, we just try and block it by not wanting to feel that we are accepting a lesser degree of love from ourselves and others.

It is wonderful to confirm that others are able to feel us energetically and what you describe Anon is the building of trust between two people based on feeling safe. This is a total game changer for the world, where the majority of people are protecting themselves from possible hurts.

Yes Stevie Cole, and especially in those areas such as mental health disorders. They are not different , just very sensitive to the approach and disconnection in the world. Which actually is a fair thing to say. So like you share anonymous , so important to approach everyone with connection not just only people with mental health disabilities.

Agree Jenny, what most people suffer of is not feeling safe and mental health patients have in a way “retired” from a world were they are not feeling safe and met. Meeting them is offering them to build trust through another person and through this within themselves.

So true Aimee. We are all knowing when it comes to how we feel about people and that influences how we interact with them. Anonymous’ approach to her own life is such a wonderful reflection in those she supports.

So true Aimee. When someone is at ease in themselves and have nothing to hide, we can feel safe around them and able to be at ease with ourselves. How important is this for people who are already mentally or emotionally distressed?

Extremely important Fiona, this should be on the top of the list when it comes to training or interviewing support workers. Very rarely in business is how we are with ourselves taken into account when it comes to training or courses. I know this is changing in pockets of the world with self-care in the workplace but how we are outside the workplace and in every moment impacts everything we do. I have been realising this more and more lately.

This is such a beautiful and simple sharing; and it makes total sense. The loving and unimposing way you approach the people you support puts them at ease, so they feel met and heard, because you actually listen to them, without any judgement and without putting them into a box or treating them as the label that may have been put on them. You treat them simply as equal human beings, bringing understanding and acceptance to them for where they are at. How amazingly loving is this? We all do feel energy, no matter what circumstances we are in, and being met with love and understanding is a beautiful gift you give everybody you meet. Thank you for your inspiration.

I love your expression here Esther – and it is so true, we all do feel energy, now matter how old or young, or how well or not so well, and having that awareness and bringing that into every moment of our days and interactions will be so beneficial for all, us included.

Well said Esther, this beautiful and straight forward sharing does make total sense. We all respond well to being met as an equal, respected, accepted and understood. We respond well to being heard and listened to without being labelled or judged. No matter who we are! This should be the first thing taught to a child and this education should continue on well into adulthood until it is thoroughly understood by all! Serge Benhayon presents this and we all need to reflect this to the world just as you have in your workplace Anonymous. Thank you for sharing you, being you.

You have beautifully captured the essence of this article Esther and I can feel that you already bring that same quality to the people you meet. We all crave being treated in this way, as the precious beings we know we are. If this gentle and respectful approach was the norm for everyone, there would be nothing to defend or protect and so much would change in the way we live and relate to one another.

Beautifully said Fiona… “If this gentle and respectful approach was the norm for everyone, there would be nothing to defend or protect and so much would change in the way we live and relate to one another.” It is the defending of the protection that causes so much harm in this world. How gorgeous to be taught/shown “this gentle and respectful approach” from very young…the world would be a very different place.

It is so true Esther that treating others, no matter what their situation, as “equal human beings” is the greatest gift to give another; it offers them the space to begin to feel who they truly are and from there to begin to make changes in their lives, if they so choose. A great example of the power of the ripple effect.

Meeting others as equals and truly connecting to them, is a very healing experience, especially to people with a mental illness. We often confirm and get confirmed by our behaviours which does not support us to connect to our essence, the love we all are.

absolutely Katinka, there is more to meet then the behaviours and conditions we see in others, there is a deep essence of love that will always respond when addressed from this love. If we can connect to this within ourselves we will see that there is nothing special to do but that our beingness is felt by others.

Absolutely Katinka, being met as equal is healing for each of us and especially if there is no judgement. If we are held in love and allowed to be where we are on our path of return to the love we are we have a reflection that supports us with that in life.

I like the emphasis here Katinka, on how we can so often get blinded by the out play of a behaviour that is right in front of us, whereas if we take a moment to read what is really going on then we get an understanding of how the person is and a much deeper connection is reached.

So true Helen, as the alternative is to live up to the expectation that is usually set when one is given a label. At times it can be far easier to accept being something you are not instead of feeling who you really are, and when we support people to live up to our expectations, we are really doing them a huge disservice.

I have found in healthcare that if a label is applied for long enough, the person will start to believe and act like that label. Treating a person as the essence they are removes all those labels and supports them to treat themselves with this fullness again.

Yes so true Katinka, yet if we can maintain to confirm ourselves in the love that we are and express that in all we do and bring, then just by doing that we can bring a deep inner healing to ourselves and all we get to interact with.

I agree Katinka, I often hear they working in schools, kids being defined or labelled by their chosen behaviours instead of how lovely they are. With kids then saying ‘ I am bad’ – when this is not true, they are not bad, yes they may have chosen a behaviour that may be labelled or deemed as bad, but in truth it is not them. Behaviours are a choice, they are not who we are. Saying that people can often be drawn to them as a ways and means of identification or substitute for the lack of love or self love that they so long for in their lives. As we have not grown up knowing that love is within is, not to be found anywhere else.

I worked with people with mental health issues for many years, and what you share is true – it’s so important to meet a person for who they are, not a health or emotional issue, as soon as we do this, we’ve lost them, they’ve gone. The same can be said for any person when we make it about something outside them. e.g a skill, grade, success story, accolade etc Every single person in this world, deep down craves and wants to be seen and met for who they really are, in their essence an at their core. That naturally deep, sweet, tender, innocent, caring and deeply loving person they are, plus way much more.

Its a interesting exercise to throughout the day check in with this aspect Katina, are we actually available in the moment to connect with people? How many of our interactions are dominated with rushing, and being distracted by what we have to do or get done so that we are not actually present to connect with people.

This is so true Katie. I have noticed this a while ago when I was busy rushing around to get things done and met a lady that has recently had cancer. I recognised that I was not available to connect with her and therefore was not there to support her where needed. Ouch.

That is very true Katinka. By meeting someone at the essence level we confirm them in who they truly are rather than confirming them as the behaviour they may be exhibiting which is not who they truly are.

We are not our behaviours and yet we are usually judged by them rather than seen in essence… not recognising that behaviours usually stem only from a disconnection to knowing and living who we innately are.

Beautiful blog Anonymous. Although you thought you where doing not anything special, it is worth appreciating the fact that you dedicate yourself to a way of living that is loving towards your body and your being. As a reflection you bring this quality, love towards life, in anything you are and do and in that is not any special or a secret as it is available to us all. It only comes down to make the choice, the choice to choose to make life about living love in all that you do and are.

Totally gorgeous, Anonymous: no secret, just the simplicity of you being naturally you – open, loving, respectful, caring and supportive. Simple but so profound and, at times, rare. So beautiful….how we would be if we were all ‘just ourselves’ on a daily basis, I wonder?

When we connect with ourselves and live and operate from our inner knowing and being, then it allows another to simply be themselves. This is the greatest gift and reflection that we can offer another.

When you start to live a more steady, caring way of life, it can seem so normal that you don’t fully notice the difference. It is wonderful that you had this opportunity to see and appreciate how much the way you live is affecting the people you work with and in such a positive way. So often in care roles we go into sympathy or other emotional reactions and try to overdo or take on responsibility for the other person. It is amazing how unimposing it is for the person being cared for, to have the carer just be themselves.

We underestimate the power of steadiness, and consistency in care. We become a rock in tumultuous world when we release ourselves (and others) from the tyranny of unpredictable mood swings.
People feel this, feel safe, perhaps for the first time, in such a solid presence.
What a gift in this world, where neglect, contempt, judgement and abuse have become normalised. A gift, not to be underestimated.

Wow, l hung off every word of this incredibly loving, clear, simple, powerful blog because l can feel the quality that you reflect to others. You are a true blessing to all those associated with you in your workplace and for humanity as a whole. You are an inspiration. Thank you for being you and for sharing your secret.

How wonderful that the lifestyle changes you have chosen to make have not only improved your way of living, but it has had a natural flow on effect to those you work to support. I have no doubt that despite the challenges these people have in their lives there is a part of them that can feel the steadiness and stillness from which you connect to them, which in turns offers them the space to connect more deeply to themselves.

Yes I agree Ingrid, this isn’t about helping someone else, this really is about what is normal for this person in every day of their life and then seeing how it is affecting some of the more vulnerable on our society. It is a good example of how everything is felt and then reflected in those around us, the raciness and the stillness.

I love the simplicity you share here and I can totally relate to what you describe happens at work. You don’t need to change anyone, you just need to let them be and trust they are on the path they need to be. This releases them from pressure and also us as staff in any situation. Thanks for breaking this down so easily and so many others can learn and be inspired by the gold that you bring.

Anonymous your presence offers so much to both the people that you support and to the other staff. By being ‘yourself’ that in itself is priceless as everyone gets to see a person who is being true to themselves. You are demonstrating that by choosing to stay with yourself you don’t get drawn into the turmoil around you and also that the chances of there being turmoil around you is minimized greatly by the fact that you are choosing to stay with yourself. Anonymous you are modelling respect for others by respecting and accepting where others are at and this respect is borne out of your deep respect for yourself. You are also demonstrating gentleness and surrender by not trying to manipulate people who are more vulnerable than you. Anonymous you are providing a reflection of light for everybody but particularly those who are more vulnerable and may not have had many clear reflections of light before. There is not one of us who holds more importance than another in reflecting the truth. There is no one who’s job holds more power than another as far as being the light that we are. Jesus was a carpenter not a president or a politician and he said ‘I am the light and I am the way’.

‘There is not one of us who holds more importance than another in reflecting the truth.’ – love this line Alexis. The reflection of equality is very powerful…confirming that every single one of us is needed as a part of this gigantic jigsaw puzzle of life. Ones behaviour is not who they are in essence…just a result of choices.

Beautifully said Alexis, no one person holds more authority, power or importance than another we all hold an equal responsibility, a responsibility to be our authentic selves and to show that to everyone.

Well said Alexis, we live in a way that separates us constantly into important and less important members of society and by this we are ignoring the fact that we are all equal Son’s of God reflecting the divine. We made the role we have chosen to play on earth more important than our true origins, which is one of our biggest ills and holds us captive in the false belief that we are human first, which we are not. We don’t have to be good human beings, we just have to be who we are: equal Son’s of God and we will be soulful human beings.

So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.
I love this super simple blog Anonymous, it tells it like it is and has a crisp clear and true message. Thank-you for your refreshing sharing.

So funny that our secret, “simply being me” has become such a huge revelation, time for our communities to look at why we stop being ourselves and look at the damage that it causes, there in lays the answer to all illness and disease.

Anon this is a little gem that shows how much we have to offer when we live a life of simplicity and love. The love we live emanates and is felt by all no matter what situation they are in. It shows love heals on all levels.

I agree Carolien beautifully said. We all feel what is loving and what is not loving, we all notice the difference. As through the heart Love is known and when one walks claiming the Love we all are it is healing for all.

Anon you confirm powerfully how the quality we bring to situations and relationships affects the quality of people we work with for better or for worse. It is simply about being ourselves, but more so about the connection we have with each person and treating them as equals. When we work in this way, clients feel the difference and more likely to release their defences.

Amazing sharing anonymous: “My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body.” This shows how self-care and love are not selfish at all. It is often seen as that but your story absolutely proves how taking loving care of ourselves is truly taking responsibility in life and results in everyday miracles like the deep connection you have with the people you work with.

Absolutely Lieke, this example totally blows the lid on the belief that ‘looking after oneself first is selfish’. In fact it is quite the opposite – self-love is the most loving choice that we can make for others as we can only care for another as much as we care for ourselves.

A great point Lieke, for when such miracles come as a result of self-love and care, and people are touched immeasurably by how we are with them as a result, there is no doubt that choosing this for ourselves is of great service.

I love what you bring in here Lieke and Samantha, about everyday miracles. We think a miracle is something that involves some kind of super human power, but this blog shows that the consistency of love with self and others really is the key for everyone in a human body to access this power and make miracles happen in our daily lives.

As a child I am not sure I remember the first time I was told I was selfish for not putting others before myself all the time; it was more of an ideal that was passed down but I do remember that it made me feel resentful and like I was unimportant and didn’t matter. It is really important that we teach our children to self nurture so that they can do it for themselves, otherwise we go through life expecting everyone to do it for us and have false expectations that others have to love us before we can do it for ourselves!

This is beautiful and shows the power we have through body language and our presence alone, to connect with our fellow human beings at a level that is beyond words. This sentence can apply to how all of us can be with work colleagues and the people we serve in our work as well as with family members, friends, partners: ‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.’ Accepting and meeting people as they are can make a huge difference in the world.

I love the way you wrote this blog, Anonymous: from an observing point of view and also very appreciative of what you bring, by the way you work, to your colleagues and the people you work with. Seeing what each of us brings and appreciating it is very important key to keep growing.

‘Seeing what each of us brings and appreciating it is very important key to keep growing’, absolutely Monika, and this is the best way to work in groups and in workplaces because it means that if things get challenging, people know and can appreciate the strengths they can bring to the work rather than focus on judging others for not doing things or being overwhelmed.

Yes absolutely Susie and Monika. When we do not appreciate what we bring as individuals it is much harder to see that in others and we can get very judgmental. In all relationships it is important to see what you bring first, which then allows you to see what others bring without going into comparison, jealousy or judgment.

What you share is so important – it is noticeable in your working environment that you make a difference, and yet it is no secret, simply the way you life. To be there and support people in the way you do is fantastic, and we can never underestimate the power we have in who we are.

I am finding that if there is a patient on the ward that is not eating or the staff are finding difficult they will often ask me to assist, to help the patient eat or just to sit and chat to them. The hospital always seems short staffed and the patients always like to have a one to one interaction which is something the nurses don’t always have time for. So for me it’s great because I get to enjoy just being with everyone of the patients and staff in my stillness which everyone can feel and enjoy too. I have noticed how comforting it is to people when I am in my stillness. So I have a newly found responsibility to be with me as much as I can.

It is a responsibility isn’t it Mary? I was surprised at the deep well stillness is, it is forever deepening and what I will one day consider to be stillness sometimes feels like I was dipping a toe in an ocean the next day! Esoteric Yoga has been an extraordinary way for me to reconnect to the stillness I innately have inside me that has been less valued than the racy doing I have been more familiar with.

There is something quite charged in people ‘wanting to know the secret’. Its like we can feel the difference between how we are living and how another is… leading to very different results. I think its great that your colleagues were able to ask the question and I hope were open to your answer, as so often comparison can create a blockade to us evolving from another’s example (as was so obviously the opportunity here).

Agree Simon, its like wanting the solution to life and taking the lid of the pressure pot. There can be this seeking for relief that then leads to comparison when it is realized that there is no solution, but just a daily choice to be the love we are and with this a way to life that is loving in anything we do. Life is a 24/7 responsibility and when we press the pause button we just delay our evolution.

Hi Anonymous, I love how your secret is not really a secret, but is something some of us find difficult to do – just be ourselves. Just being you and taking care of yourself in the way you describe by how you choose to live is an inspiration.

‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them.’ This is so important anonymous because people try and fix us all the time and that can feel very imposing. When you are simply accepted, its a lovely feeling and does encourage more openness, because you don’t feel judged.

It is amazing how many people choose to work in this industry with a desire to change, save or fix another…. and yet when we just allow the space for people to just be and hold them in understanding for their choices and where they are, this usually happens naturally as they are empowered to choose this for themselves.

I had a personal experience of this recently. I was not myself and acting in a way that was awkward with others that I knew. What I could feel under my awkwardness was the need for attention and recognition. The people I knew did not react to me in any way and did not buy into my behaviour, which allowed me to feel all of what I was doing (which was terribly uncomfortable I have to say). Because of this I could clearly feel that I was choosing behaviour that was not in any way shape or form me. Therefore I was given the opportunity to observe this and then make a new choice. A very valuable experience and lesson for anyone regardless of situation.

Great point Debra. Accepting others, of where they are at, is a deeply caring act of Love. As in holding another in the equal Love we know they are, it leaves no room for judgement, but rather offers a quality of space to explore and re-claim the Love they are.

Thank you, Anonymous, for sharing this amazing story. We can all try being ‘loving, responsible, caring, natural and open’ or whatever we perceive to be desired at work environment, but what is so cool about this story is that these qualities are natural for you, you are just being you, and that comes from your everyday commitment to love and care for yourself. A fantastic proof of the difference that ‘loving and caring for ourselves’ can make.

There must be a great many people around the world who require care and who have case files filled with behaviours that play out, but I wonder how many of these behaviours could be positively affected by the living qualities we bring to care. After all everyone is looking for love and understanding in their relationships, and the more one is caring for themselves as a carer, the more this is felt by all those they work with. Thanks for sharing anonymous, beautiful to read and appreciate your experience.

Re-connecting with ones own essence is key to connecting with others in the same way. When we live far from that natural way of being, it could well appear to be a secret way of living by others. A beautiful confirmation that the quality you are bringing to your life is what is being noticed by your work colleagues.
“my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all”.

This is true being ourselves is not, or should not be a secret. Not being ourself is contributory to a lack of care for ourselves as if we are being ourselves how do we know how precious and worth caring for we are?

Anonymous I love the fact that ‘ my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.’ what a beautiful gift it is to us and all those around us to truly live who we are.

There is an amazing simplicity to life when we embrace life in this way Anonymous – all inter-connected with out separation. A new-normal way of living available to all.
“So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all”.

This is something I have recently started to be much more aware of – the difference between how being me and not being me feels. Being me feels steady and solid and most prominent of late: not stimulating in my body, there is no buzz or excitement, just a steadiness that is simple and flowing. It’s like the chaos all around me (working in food service buzzes more than a knocked over beehive) is all around me but not within me, I have been experiencing moments of being a rock in a river, everything flows around but I am still there. Not being me is the complete opposite and I am swept up in the current of life and literally left feeling dizzy and spinning when I get the chance to stop. Reading this blog has opened up the chance to appreciate that this steadiness is seen and felt by others and that it is possible to maintain such steadiness, not just for me but for everyone else as well. A steadiness that can be lived in a world that seems to be rushing all around us. Thank you Anon.

Thank you Leigh, I love all you have expressed here about steadiness and that it’s a part of our being ourselves, solid and true. It’s a great marker you’ve given me about being swept up in what’s going on around me or staying connected to me. Thank you!

And as people are rushing past, your steadiness is an opportunity and sign post for them – a moment of choice – what they do next of course is totally up to them… not being attached to any outcomes leaves you free to be the ‘rock’… thank you, Leigh.

Gorgeous Leigh, a crucial distinction indeed that I can relate to so well. Feeling the divine stillness we are in motion when ourselves, it is blazingly obvious to then also feel when we are not, yet when not it would seem at first less obvious to notice right away, until such time as being ourselves is confirmed as the solid ground it is, and an appreciation for making the choice for it is deeper felt.

What a beautiful way to describe the quality of being you Leigh. I too can relate to the steadiness of being me which in fact is such a paradox because the steadiness comes from surrendering to the all and all its support.

Anonymous, I’ve had the same thing where I’ve worked with people given different psychiatric diagnosis and I’ve been asked at staff meetings what it is that I do that makes the clients like me so much. What could I say, I’m just myself. But this is something I’ve learnt as well that to truly be myself I have to know how to live and be to actually be myself. I cannot have lots of sugary things or eat whatever I feel like and expect to feel awesome, still, and present when I’m with clients or other people for that matter. The quality I’ve managed to build in my body is the quality I will bring to everyone I meet. Sometimes frustrating that I cannot have or do whatever I feel like but then again it’s a choice to what kind of life I want to have. One other thing I would like to mention is that it’s not only what goes into my mouth that will discern how I will feel but also how much love I’m willing to let out, how much love I’m willing to let others feel, how willing I am to truly connect with other people – that ignites something huge within and perhaps when the want to have and share this is strong enough then our diet will change to support this.

Beautiful all that you have shared Matts. I feel the same, it’s also about how much love we are willing to hold people in. People do indeed feel this, and the absolute acceptance that love brings to people exactly as they are. Everyone responds to feeling loved, appreciated and cherished, and it’s simply beautiful to offer that.

My comment went a bit long there but perhaps I had stuff that needed to get out there… One other thing I felt to mention in regards to letting people in and connecting is that it’s also a surrendering-in-the-body process in the sense that it’s important (for me anyways) to relax or surrender my body when I am present with others. Then I’m more able to connect to the love that is already there. And this turns things on its head somewhat because I feel that love and a beautifull connection is always present between people, the only thing I have to do is accept it, surrender to it and just let it be. If not I have to constantly fight that love with being hard, protect myself, perhaps talking too much or what ever it might be. So surrendering in and with my body is for me key in connecting with other people.

Absolutely Matts brilliantly said! trying to justify, protect, prove or show anything is a tension in our body and stops us from connecting with the natural flow between two people. What I have found with love is for me it is instant, no trying or proving needed.

‘but also how much love I’m willing to let out, how much love I’m willing to let others feel, how willing I am to truly connect with other people’, timely questions for me and always important to come back to and feel into….going to take some time to ponder further on this today.

Absolutely Matts, by the very depth we’re willing to go to in caring for and loving ourselves, that cannot but be felt by all we meet, and so it goes the ever deeper the willingness to support ourselves.

This is a truly gorgeous blog. It is great evidence to show that when we really lovingly take care of ourselves we can hold others naturally in love. This is the bottom line as far as supporting others go. The depth to which it is felt and appreciated can not be under estimated. If there was any evidence to show that the tender love of oneself supports humanity, this is it in black and white!

I agree Michelle well said. It matters not where we are at in our lives, we all still feel. It is only our awareness of what we are feeling that changes. By virtue of the fact that we are all Love, it is our nature to want to return to being Love. And so the reflections of Love we see, feel and are met with are recognised by the heart, and naturally offers loving support to all to return to simply being the Love we are. As you say – ‘If there was any evidence to show that the tender love of oneself supports humanity, this is it in black and white!’

I agree Michelle, all the evidence is here in black and white in how when we truly honour and appreciate ourselves, we have the foundation to stay connected with ourselves, thus there is no need to ‘fix’ or change anyone else, no judgement or investment either, instead there is an understanding and acceptance of others, which they feel and are blessed by because mostly the world is judgemental, unaccepting and putting down.

‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.’ It is beautiful to feel your acceptance of where they are at and in your openness how that allows them to trust and connect with you rather than get frustrated. Thank you for sharing how by ‘simply being me’ everyone benefits as this is so relevant to all areas of life.

Your secret is being you! It makes it easier to be ourselves when we are aware of karma and issues that stretch across multiple lives. Serge Benhayon saying words to the effect that disabilities are connected with behaviour in previous lives means we treat people with mental illnesses as equals as sooner or later they will be past this mental illness. It is interesting how a supposedly outrageous statement about past lives leads to affected people being treated with more love, care and respect than they normally would.

Yes Christoph I agree. Often when I was young and saw a disabled person, I immediately felt that people felt sorry for them and that’s what you have to do, but that is demoralising. True love and care comes from understanding and equalness.

It helps to have the understanding that the long term view Serge offers. I find it releases me of my own expectations of myself that then releases the frustration that I would otherwise build. Giving space to myself and others to just be makes life far more simple and flowing. As soon as I lose sight of this fact complication and ‘trying’, followed by frustration and exhaustion becomes the order of the day.

I love the simplicity and power of this article Anon, the foundation that you speak of, that allows you to hold your presence and stillness could change the way we all interact and behave with each other. No need for complicated solutions just the pure harmony that comes from connecting to ourselves and others based on the love that we are in essence.

Beautiful comment Jenny. You have brilliantly summed up this blog through your words of wisdom. As it is through our connection to Love that we have the power to restore our natural way of living together, founded on the Love we are.

Me too Jenny, the language of love is simple and has a powerful ripple effect in every situation. I also loved the acceptance and true understanding Anon bought to the situations, not needing to fix anything just simply hold herself from a loving foundation.

How amazing this is. For all the things we try in order to make a difference in our own lives or the lives of others, just being who we are is what really works – and we can all experience this, we can all feel it and we can all live it. Change the world by just being you – how awesome.

“I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them.” this is one of the key things and ways we can be with people. Trying to change people is deeply harming, you are basically saying they are not enough as who or where they are, something that if allowed can stay or affect a person for lifetimes. One of the antidotes to this, which offers true healing is love and understanding.

We can all feel energy regardless of whether one has a mental illness or not. The patients would very much feel this acceptance from anonymous and within this held love feel an equalness, as opposed to being judged for their behaviours as may be felt from others.

Love and understanding are incredibly powerful healing tools… and acceptance… for allowing people to just be who and where they are without any judgment is sometimes exactly what people need to provide the space for them to choose to change themselves.

That is a great to remember Gyl – that trying to change someone else is deeply harming… to both you and them (although they will probably fare better as we are the one that is ‘trying’). What a curse it is for the other person to get this impression of not being good enough as they are and to potentially carry that with them.

“Above all else, I maintain my connection to self, trying not to take on what may be going on around me.” again this is massive, I know when I react and take on other people’s stuff or whats going on around me, I’m a goner.

“Over the last few months he has often come up to me and not only initiated conversation and shared on a personal level,” this is something I have noticed as well, when I am not trying, pushing or forcing things to happen, simply being me, and often minding my own business so to speak, people open up to me on a personal, intimate and very open level, which is amazing, this can be at work, in the supermarket, on the bus or in the street. It shifts relationship to a level that is more deep. It’s crazy how we can be guarded around people when really we all want to be open and connect deeply. I love the fact by you not trying to make things or the relationship you have with this person be a certain way, they have been able to feel your steadiness, depth and consistency and feel safe to open up and express in a way with you that they may have never done before, that is huge and a miracle in itself.

Yes, the opening up and stepping forward into an interactive relationship that this man was able to initiate is nothing short of a miracle and proves to me what we all have to offer when we are responsible for our own inner workings and well-being.

I work as a carer in the aged care sector, and I often notice how different residence react to different people. Even though it may seem like a secret however treating people with respect and tenderness shouldn’t be but a standard in the industry. Although I am not saying hug someone who is being physically aggressive by no means however there is always a place to treat another as an equal human being.

I feel so inspired by this blog – thank you to the writer for sharing this and not keeping it a secret. We all know the power of how we can respond or react differently depending on how people are with us. This blog is a reminder of how simple it can be and our responsibility in how we are.

This is not the first time that I have heard that a support worker who is living in The Way of The Livingness has amazing connections within a residential care setting and that people reach out to them because they can feel their stillness and presence.

I love what is shared in this blog about choosing a way to live that you can feel supports you at work. So often we remain short sighted in a way of living to just meet the now and what we want to do that perhaps is not so supportive. The responsibility that is felt in your words about looking beyond what may be a fix for the now to what supports not only yourself but all those that you come in contact with is beautiful to experience.

Hi Anonymous – your sharing has clearly illustrated that there are no hurdles to jump, no double messages to decipher, no illusion to fight your way through – what you present each day is a reflection of the truth that resides in every other, a reflection of what is known deep down. Is it possible that in your presence, your clients have the opportunity to know themselves free of all labels that have been placed on them from outside of them selves. This is a beautiful sharing and the love you bring, free of any attachment is clearly felt – Thanks for sharing

This is beautiful, Anonymous. It highlights how important it is to appreciate what we bring to the world but also how much the simplicity, spaciousness and consistency of our love is needed and felt in the world.

I have been on several courses over the years on how to ‘deal’ with situations when patients are being aggressive. In none of these situations was it suggested that being ‘loving, responsible, caring, natural and open’ would be the way to go. Instead we were taught management strategies, none of them asking us to truly connect with ourselves and the person we were working with. I feel your ‘secret’ is something that should be shared far and wide for we all have this ability within us, waiting patiently to be brought fully out.

I love how simple things we do to support ourselves have a huge impact out in the world. This blog blows all notions of self care being selfish out of the water – it shows that true relating to others starts with how we treat and care for ourselves and that commitment naturally extends beyond us to the wider world.

Agree Monica, [true relating through self-care] a simple observation yet with massive ripple results that ought to be on any boardroom agenda in regards its strategy for employee development that ultimately leads to the success of any business/industry.

It is such a great thing when a support worker is not asking the person to change. Like you say ‘They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.’ An amazing healing for the people you work with both clients and colleagues. And working in such a way does not leave you exhausted, you are simply yourself.

This is incredible, Anonymous – you have evidenced so clearly that love is something that everyone responds to. No matter how ‘lost’ society classes someone to be, care and love is something we can all recognise and feel, and this recognition has led to the man you talked about trusting and opening up to you – amazing.

Love it…the simplicity of love in action – powerful indeed.
What this blog clearly shows is that the power is not in knowledge, but the reflection of love that is lived and expressed.
There should be a subject at all primary schools called ‘Just Being Me is Enough’ 🙂

Beautiful Marika – what a great idea for schools, goes well with Sunlight Ink Publishing I am Beautiful Just for Being Me’ a great book for all ages, and definitely a great read for school libraries etc.

I realised when reading this the power of not eating diary and gluten nor drinking alcohol and going to bed early – it provides me with a foundation where I am able to feel what is going on so that I know myself. I am not bound by fluctuating moods like I used to be. It also enables me to hold myself and my stillness and on reading this I realised before that was not only challenging, but that I didn’t even know what that was.

I loved many things about this blog. Another thing that stood out was the acceptance of people as they are. Not trying to change them but letting them be as they are on their path. Connecting to them as equals no matter what their choices have been. This is very powerful as often I go into wanting to help people. The greatest inspiration we can be is by simply living our light. When we do that, in a non-imposing way, we offer a bright and shiny reflection to others so that they know they are that light also.

Yes Nikki, acceptance of people as they are offers a huge healing in itself. I also know the ‘wanting to help’ people you talk about. When I was studying to become a nurse I got really overwhelmed and exhausted trying to help everyone and going into sympathy. It was a huge lesson for me to ‘observe and not absorb’ and accept people for where they are. I can now can see how what I thought was helping people was actually quite imposing.

I felt that too Nikki the total acceptance of where someone is and not wanting to move them on to something better, but rather simply connecting to them where they are. It is in this real change can occur.

Anonymous, your blog is groundbreaking in a role where I would expect tension to be very high for support workers, working with people whose behaviour would be unpredicatable and aggressive at times. Your natural living way with these people is the best medicine for them.

A beautiful sharing. When we really feel that someone is where they are because of their past choices, we can let go of the responsibility we often feel as health professionals to “fix” them and accept them for who they are. The love, connection and consistency is often the best treatment and offers something that increasing medication does not usually solve.

This is a really valuable blog for those who work in mental health and has been my experience as well. Speaking to people respectfully and not anticipating or expecting a certain behaviour, not mocking someone, either to their face or behind their backs and not being afraid of them are all vital for meeting the person in front of you and developing a relationship. It is never about putting yourself in danger but it is certainly about being yourself and meeting people for who they are without a label or preconceived idea. people feel everything, including the judgements and labels.

aaahhhh this is GOLD that there is no ‘secret’ that there is nothing that we need to go look for – that everything that we actually need is already there inside of us bursting to be connected to and expressed from. Why it becomes so complicated is astonishing when really it is a choice to be who we naturally are. When we don’t make that choice then it leaves us open for another energy to run us and this is where the complications come in. I know life is a lot more fun and easy when I keep it simple and enjoy all of me.

Your sharing here Anonymous is so important because it reveals not only your beautiful self awareness and care for yourself and your client; it is important because it is natural and normal to want to care for ourselves and respond to others in the same way. It is shocking that others believe there is a secret to just naturally being the love that we are and seeing and feeling how others respond!

This blog is a game changer, it doesn’t matter what your profession, it is absolute golden information that has been imparted. If you have no profession and you are a mother by chance, this applies to you too, as children in my experience are very sensitive and respond in the same way described in this blog.

It opens up the doors to an entire new world when connected to self on the constant basis. Respecting, accepting others and understanding where they are at according to their previous choices is so liberating, they are human beings and should be treated as such at all times. So many people can become automated in their work routine which will eventually affect their patients behaviour and the quality of their work.

The simple fact there is no-secret to what you offer as genuine care , respect and connection with people yet is a bit of a secret is a little mysterious to many people. This would be the difference of the purpose of why we are working somewhere in the first place. If it’s for true service then there is no secret. If it is for self then anything that is unpleasant will be reacted to and wont fit the picture of how we want it to be – and that is comfortable for us and not true care and consideration for another.

A gorgeous sharing Anon. We all want to experience heartfelt connections with each other. Regardless of where we are at, or how we behave nothing can change the fact that we are in essence Love and loving connections is what we desire. When we are simply being ourselves, in connection to the Love we are, we share our Love with another through our hearts and so offer a loving connection. When we live in this way for ourselves it is naturally lived with others and as such this genuine-ness is felt. What a powerful healing you offer all those you work with, clients and colleagues, with the presence you bring simply through the way you lovingly live, being you.

Working in a similar industry and job, I could absolutely relate to what you have shared. What Universal Medicine has presented over the years has not only supported me to heal and transform my own life but allows others to deeply trust me because of it, curtailing aggressive and otherwise behaviours in a way somewhat unheard of by others working with them. It is an absolute blessing and a pleasure to witness the power of our choices and our presence and the effect this has on others.

Love this anonymous by you choosing to be open and willing to simply be yourself and to accept where your clients are on their path without trying to change them, they have been able to feel safe enough to let down their guard to express more of their true self with you.

I love it too Elodie! I so appreciate the incredible power offered in simply being ourselves – no trying or striving for an outcome required. When we commit to simply being ourselves, everything is taken care of.

If I think about how I feel around someone else who is not steady, who is perhaps a bit erratic or aggressive or not quite present, it’s difficult for me to find my own stllness if I choose to be reactive to their lack of stillness. So it is no surprise that those you are supporting who are incredibly sensitive to the energy around them , respond to you in such a wonderful way. They can feel your steadiness and hence feel safe and supported. It all just makes sense.

We are all this super sensitive, and can feel how other people in our lives are at any given time. What is interesting is that with the mental health condition this gets expressed more obviously, while in ‘normal’ society we are much better at covering up how we truly feel. Now that is kind of bonkers!

Good point Simon and I have noticed the same thing in children. Society thinks it is normal and preferable to not express how we feel. Sure there is a difference between dumping on others and venting versus expressing honestly how we feel without reaction, but we need to have the conversation about the level of sensitivity we do actually have and how much we actually do feel and are holding back expressing to each other.

Anon, this line so beautifully expresses how we can choose to accept and bring true understanding to all others.
“I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.”

This line stopped me in my tracks too…bringing home the power of acceptance, understanding and respect. It is really incredible when I let go of projections, expectations and judgment and meet people openly and without agenda… of course that makes sense, because then we are both (all) free to be ourselves, which is a hugely overlooked essential in relationships.

I agree Victoria. This line is so very real when it comes to supporting another’s health. I very much appreciate the truth of what is offered here, it takes out the judgment, control and wanting things to be different for the person requiring care.

Reading your reflections of the way you express at work is inspiring Anon. Being ware of the tone in your voice, being respectful and listening to them as equals. Simply loving ways of being that are powerful when lived. Our every expression can be felt by another.

Life is so simple when we make it about people. By basing our own lives on self care, we have so much more of an ability to then connect with others in a truly respectful and caring way. When we have a body that is compromised by poor diet, alcohol and tiredness there is not much we can offer others. Caring for ourselves is a great foundation for caring for others.

Love your work! It’s so simple, things like – ‘the tone of our voice’ and how we move around people and don’t judge them makes such a difference. It helps to establish trust between people and then amazing things happen!

Absolutely Harrison. Simple things and behaviours such as the tone of our voice can make a huge difference to how we come across to others, and being consistently supportive and loving are incredibly important steps in establishing trust. If we indulge in ‘off switches’ and are sometimes flippant, angry or frustrated then this trust can be torn apart instantaneously.

Yes Harrison I love how we are all communicating all the time whether we use words or not. How I eat, sleep and treat myself says a million words before I even speak. We all have a choice to inspire others and when we do the world is greater place.

You are so right Harrison. If we often forget how much our impact on people could be. It is so important to remember the impact we may have, or better said, should have. It is a power that comes with responsibility.

It is fabulous that you have sustained your deep commitment to your rhythm at work so that you are able to bring all that you do to the people you support and the other staff. In my experience in a similar role, there were night shifts, long shifts and constant last minute changes to rosters that made it difficult to sustain consistency and meant that, when pushed, I became reactive to the clients and staff. I learned that if I cannot sustain my rhythm, then it is not the work for me because my connection to myself is what my capacity to be in the world is founded upon.

So true Emma and insightful, without connection to oneself, the job we do or profession we’re in can feel like walking through treacle, and which many people i see in my job of recruiting, want to quit from or try another job/career change. “Grass is greener”. Though it is the connection carried within oneself that is the consistent or “green” part, and the quality of it which supports in every job, such that the job/career may change and yet our quality doesn’t allow for steadiness and efficiency in productivity.

This point here is very important to consider as some jobs or workplaces work in a way that does make it difficult to maintain our rhythm. “I learned that if I cannot sustain my rhythm, then it is not the work for me because my connection to myself is what my capacity to be in the world is founded upon.” Thank you Emma this makes sense.

When I read what you wrote about being careful to not react to what people say Anonymous, it made me consider how many of us take care crossing the road, as we see the harm that can come from being blind to onrushing cars. It feels like its high time we understood the harm that comes from engaging in emotional reaction in our day to day too.

What a great response Joseph, so true, yes, what is the difference in taking care when crossing the road to taking care about how we are in our communication with a person having borne in mind the effects or damage in any irresponsibility incurred on our part. In other words, everything carries the same level of importance, no more or less, though there is this great divide or compartmentalising for many of us that fractures flow in taking responsibility. When life is lived with wholeness or equalness the flow of responsibility can be.

That is a powerful analogy Joseph. It made me ponder on it. Could it be that an ‘incoming’ person with an emotional reaction is just as harmful as an incoming car? Yes indeed, we have to take care of ourselves very much in that interaction, and certainly not come in with an emotional reaction as well. Than you get a catastrophic collision.

The potential behind what you have delivered here is huge. That by just being able to operate from a position of connection to your inner stillness, not judging another, being aware of your tone of voice and the equalness you hold your client in – that all this can have the potential to facilitate a profound change in mood, aggression and participation levels in the people you’re supporting. It suggests that how we live our lives and the choices we make every day have an affect on those around us. Now that is surely worthy of research and investigation?

The potential behind what you have delivered here is huge. That by just being able to operate from a position of connection to your inner stillness, not judging another, being aware of your tone of voice and the equalness you hold your client in – that all this can have the potential to facilitate a profound change in mood, aggression and participation levels in the people you’re supporting. It suggests that how we live our lives and the choices we make every day have an affect on those around us. Now that is surely worthy of research and investigation?

Wow – this is super inspiring! As I read it, I can feel how such a simple approach as ‘being me’ in our connection with others would do away with, or reduce, much of the medication and/or behavioural techniques when working with others either in a professional or personal situation – super powerful reading!

“I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.” This feels so amazingly respectful of another, especially since this is not so normal in society today. Don’t we all want to be met exactly where we are with the utmost respect of that? This is so inspiring to read Anon. Simply for being you, the effect you’re having on those around you is huge, reflecting the enormity of this.

How revealing it is that honouring each other in love, decency, respect and true equality is not common knowledge or the normal way of behaving for humanity. We all do know love and how to express it to each other.

Everything we do contributes to how other’s receive and feel us. To hold another in their essence and not judge them is often a difficult path to tread, but without this, we cannot build a true relationship with them.

I love the joy in this blog, the celebration that by “simply being me” we can make a real difference in the world. It is beautiful when people respond to the love and warmth we naturally exude when we live in this way.

What a beautiful example you share with us (and your work team) Anonymous of the simplicity of just being ‘all’ of you all of the time with those around you. Allowing those that you look after and support at work to live their choices but most important you still living yours too.

Anonymous, it is great to read this article I can very much relate to what you have written, I work with a person who is known to get angry, confused and to be rude to those that support him. But in the year that I have been working with him this has never happened to me, I am always respectful, gentle and caring with him and have found that he loves order and it really supports him if I turn up to work punctually; and have noticed that by being present with him that we then work together as a team, I can feel that he deeply appreciates how I am with him and I am always surprised when i hear that he has been rude and got angry with the other carers as he is naturally a very gentle man. Your article is very confirming for me to read and I can feel just how important it is that we treat everyone with respect and as equals no matter what their situation.

I loved reading this blog and all the wisdom shared Anon. Such a beautiful message that when we take care of ourselves, we bring a different quality to all we meet, in and out of work, in which others feel, as clearly shown in your simple yet powerful sharing.

I find this blog profound. It shares a simple message that reveals that there is no true secret to anything in life. We often seek the answers, the hidden key as it were to unlock the ease and simplicity of life yet what you share is that what we seek is not a secret, it is a simple reality of just connecting with ourselves and with others.

Working in an industry looking after people, something that I have noticed is very common – and this is something that I once did myself all the time, was to take on whatever is going on around me, whether it was colleagues or clients. We can have the best ‘lifestyle’ in the world, but if we take on everyone else ‘stuff’ we will be tired, exhausted and quite probably become unwell. Learning true observation is a highly valuable but underestimated skill…in more ways that one.

Your secret feels like a secret that is well worth the sharing and so beautiful and simple. When we lived life in simplicity and can be truly our natural selves with those around us there is no need for keeping ourselves separate and isolated. We can share ourselves with everyone.

This is an awesome blog Anonymous. The simplicity of being you, being still, truly connecting with people and remaining consistent in mood and tone are working their magic. How inspiring you are for your clients and your colleagues alike. Your care of you has rippled out to everyone.

Beautiful anonymous, true care for another begins with one’s self. Your blog is a great example how we can make a difference by first choosing love for ourselves so others can feel the effects and know there is another way.

We need to learn to live in a way that our love is seen as the norm and not something special or secret that we are doing. We have a long way to go but all we need do is give ourselves permission to go there in full and live our love with all others; wholeheartedly, openly and unashamedly. This is a truly inspiring story of how simple this is – to just be the love that we are. The world is so thirsty for it.

In my work I teach those who work as support staff for people with Learning Disabilities. The ‘secret’ you share here is Gold anonymous, for it is those who have this innate sense of connection with themselves, who are just being who they are that build true relationships. I particularly felt the importance in your line ‘I don’t try to change them’. Something I often see in this line of work is that staff feel it is there job to ‘fix’ the person in some way but the impact of this in a relationship is devastating, as you will know if you have ever been in a relationship with someone who wants to fix you – or you try to fix yourself in similar vain. Thank you for the great work you are doing.

That is exactly what we in general try to do Richard, we try to fix someone to an picture we think is good for them, while when we should connect from our inner most and truly meet people from there, then there would be no need to fix anything but instead there would be a loving invitation to explore the uncultivated genuine qualities in one another which we were forgotten about or have walked away from because we where never met in these in our lives before. By living the ‘secret’ of life as described so beautiful by Anonymous we build that foundation in ourselves from where we naturally will connect from heart to heart and any need for fixing or trying to change people will disappear.

What a beautiful secret to share with the world thank you ,”my secret is simply being me” what a great appreciation for the love and care we all truly are and can connect to through the way we live offering that stillness and foundation for others to feel and connect to also .

A beautiful secret it is indeed Tricia. To share this ‘secret’, which is in fact not a secret at all, is such a blessing to the world and to ourselves as it is restoring our natural way of being with one and another and with ourselves. And by sharing this ‘secret’ we bring healing to the world and restore the natural rhythm that eventually will nurture and heal us all.

When we are genuine, honest and open the world responds. What you have shown is the trust that naturally comes when there is acceptance and deep understanding of another. This work situation is a great confirmation for the way you are living.

Absolutely when there is a genuine, honest openness the world response as they feel it in their body. Having a deep understanding and accepting another for who they truly is important, for them to be free to respond.

I know whilst working with people with learning disabilities and differing mental health needs just how important it is to stay connected to myself. Without this quality I am really not offering anything of value to my work and those I work with.

Its that quality that is the gold in every interaction. We might be physically or mentally capable of doing an enormous variety of different tasks, jobs, interactions. But without the right quality it totally misses the point.

Yes Samantha, it is crucial to understand or start to get a feel for the quality behind, and also what then infuses everything we do, say or activate. Working on developing this understanding is an example of what living responsibly is and also living with integrity looks like. This is of the greatest value to any employer.

The secret is out! Being you is really no secret at all. Thank you for sharing the confirmation you could feel of what it is you bring to your workplace, which really highlights it need be no different to where we can all be all of the time – in as much care we give to ourselves as we do to one another, love it Anonymous thank you.

As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support. This makes all of the difference doesn’t it Anonymous, truly connecting to people and meeting them as an equal, naturally brings more of themselves out and they truly feel heard and appreciated. Our workplaces would be amazing if we all started doing this.

Thank you Anon for a beautifully simple sharing, and the loving interaction you have with those in your care, what we all long for is to be met for who we are as equals. ” So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.”

Thank you for sharing how being simply you makes a huge difference in our relationships with each other. When there is no need for us to be anything and no expectation for the other to be something it gives room for everyone to be and grow in their own time.

It’s amazing to feel your absolute dedication, love and care, firstly to yourself and then to the people you support. This has a massive affect also on the staff there, showing them by example another way of caring and supporting themselves and the people they care for, this should be a global model for all people in the caring professions and beyond.

“As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support. Since I have been doing this I have noticed a significant change in how one of them interacts with me.” By establishing a true connection with another, without trying to impose and change them, simply holding them as an equal in love and presence and deep acceptance, great healing is possible, Serge Benhayon has been a wonderful example of modeling this way of being with all the people he meets.

Thomas it’s true that “great healing is possible” and in living this way we are, like Serge Benhayon, providing a model of a new way of living which reflects to the world that it is possible for humanity to return to living in harmony.

I have noticed when I am at work as a health care professional that how I connect with my clients when they come into the room and during each session makes a big difference to their recovery. I would even say that this ‘care’ is an equally important ingredient to the actual physical or medical support that I provide.

Reading your list Anon, of how interacting with the people you care for at work and the way in which you hold your self and them. I thought imagine a world where we all treated each other with this level of respect, care and responsibility, how the conflict, wars and aggression would decrease if not disappear?

Simply changing the level of care and respect we hold each other in and express to each other is one of the biggest ways we can change the world on a large scale. Corruption, greed, war, oppression etc all have a lack of love and respect in relationships as their seed.

Anon, by being yourself and genuine and real,this enabled the person you care for who was very withdrawn, to experience what it felt like to start to open and trust again, however small the changes may look from the outside, this was a huge healing. Not just for this one person but for us all, as we can all experience and feel the power of what took place and can do the same with all others we interact with on this planet.

Such a beautiful Secret you have shared – thank you Anon. When reading “I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” I felt a big wave of appreciation for what I bring to my workplace and to people in general.

Tamara, it’s great to appreciate what we bring for often we can overlook it and not see how powerful that reflection is for people. By appreciating ourselves we build more love and that then emanates forth.

This article you have written proves, if we choose to truly connect to people, from our essence and meet them for who they truly are and not their behaviours, how true change, can come about and what a difference this can make, in someone’s life….Gorgeous. Thank you for sharng your lovely story….you are a beautiful reflection.

“I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner”; beautiful to read on from this statement that you do appreciate and value what you bring to the people you work with. What a gift and blessing you bring to others and yourself.
I loved, and very much appreciated, what you so wisely shared in this blog, thank you.

What a wonderful testament to your being in the Livingness of Serge Benhayons Teaching and Presentations of the Way of The Livingness, Anonymous. I agree with your words “So my “secret” is simple being – loving, responsible, caring natural and open – which is not really a “secret” at all.”

Thank you for sharing with us the simplicity, yet magic, of just being yourself in all of your natural openness, willingness and innate connection with yourself and therefore with others. What you share is profound because it provides us with a marker of what is possible (in a grand sea of possibilities) when we choose to live a life of self-care and honour. The way of the future for sure!

It makes me smile to consider that the secret your colleagues are asking for is not a secret at all but openly available to us all as it is based on our natural ability to make intimate contact from person to person. We all like to be met like that as we naturally deserve it, and anything less that that will hurt us in one way or another, resulting in the end in the illnesses and diseases we see all around. Therefore being met in our essence is like a medicine, healing the wounds that we carry from all the times we were not met like that.

So true Nico. It is revealing that the simplicity of meeting someone in their essence and the true power than comes of that is seen as being special, out-there and even a secret when it is actually very simple and very very normal and natural

This is beautiful “My secret is simply being me”, when we are ourselves we just allow others to be who they are, no comparison, no judgement just allowing. This brings trust and understanding, and allows others to open up.

This is a great blog. I work in the health industry and it is essential that we have people who know how to connect with others. I too have seen how much it supports others when staff are just themselves and don’t try and impose onto others how they should it. It definitely reduces the episodes of aggression.

I know I have often searched high and low for some secret formula that would bring me satisfaction, joy and vitality in my relationships at work and elsewhere, only to find that all I have to do is be myself, that’s it.

When we take care of ourselves more on daily consistent basis we automatically care more for others in every interaction we have, supporting them to be who they are too. It is something that people feel and clock.

I feel Anon that you have demonstrated the true power of being ourselves without investment in outcomes. By being yourself and remaining connected, you offer that to your clients so they can feel trust and be open. Kudos.

It really is so simple. What you express for us Anonymous, exposes how so often we have attachments to outcome, ideals and beliefs about how we want things to be, and defenses against being hurt and rejected. If we try to share with any others, with a mental disorder or not, we are immediately imposing all that upon them. Recognising and dealing with these interferences and choosing to renounce them, and learning to live the simple life you describe becomes a way of being that is felt by others wherever your are, Trusting oneself means others trust you, and a deeper relationship is felt where touch becomes acceptable.

Dear Anonymous, the loving, respectful way you express with the people you work with (as outlined in the points below) is a way that can be transferred to any workplace – mental illness or not – or indeed any realtionship. Really appreciate what you have shared here;
“- When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.
– I am conscious of the tone of my voice when I’m talking to them.
– I’m careful not to react to what they might say.
– I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.
– Above all else, I maintain my connection to self, trying not to take on what may be going on around me.”

As I read about your ‘secret’ I could relate it to the way I am with my son and that when I am connected to me, and connected to the essence of him, and not reacting then there are indeed fewer behavioural challenges. I can recognise in what you share what a rare opportunity you offer your clients to be met for who they are, and not their behaviours. As you hold yourself in stillness and connection you are offering the same to them. This is something we can all take into every relationship.

Social Care – like many other industries is beholden to very many laws, codes of practice, policies and procedures etc – and understandably so. But wouldn’t it be awesome if we could just say to people, just go out and be all that you are in your work, knowing that the connection with each other would bring that x-factor to relationships that has been missing. Perhaps we could reduce the bureaucracy – which would be a big blessing for us all.

‘Simply being me’ and connecting to people does make a difference as you have shown Anonymous. I know in my work that if i don’t connect to the person first before I talk to them even if it is a simple hello, their response and how they interact with me is very different to when I look them in the eye and smile. If I am pre-occupied or thinking about something else they can feel this as being dismissive and not caring and there is less of a connection and flow in how we interact.

For all of the staff meetings, professional development, degrees and postgraduate studies that take place for support workers, this one short blog contains all we really need to know about being in this role. How you live and are Anonymous towards your clients is a blueprint for how we could all be with anyone. Your story Anonymous shows the power we have when we are simply ourselves, living our essence

When we develop a quality within ourselves, the everyday things become special. Many people see the chores that we do as that, a chore, and put an energy into these things that make them even harder to complete. I just love doing the everyday things, making beds, doing the dishes, or putting on a load of washing or going to the shops. It would seem weird to many and it does when I mention it, but it is here and how we do these things that refine the quality of our livingness.

In such kind of situations is not very hard for carers to feel that they are more than those they look after. Feeling more than others lead to treating them as lesser beings. Caring for them based on the fact that we are all equal introduces a different type of movement in such settings, one that allows a flow of loving gestures back and forth.

Introducing reincarnation brings a deeper perspective into this matter. We may tune in the music of they are less and make it about behavioural administration, or we can tune into the music of we are equal and make it about helping them to walk the path they have chosen for this lifetime in the knowing that the quality of what they live will set them up for next one.

” I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” The depth of a loving respectful manner can be felt and allows for the same love and respect to emerge from the recipient. This then can build and grow and a very beautiful relationship can develop. These kind of relationships are not the norm especially among those with a mental disorder and yet, as you show here, they could be. Consistent loving care enables us to trust and heal.

This has been my experience concerning my own healing “Consistent loving care enables us to trust and heal.” There is nothing like it to bring the feeling of ‘trust’ that many of us feel we are missing. Trusting a person’s integrity and consistency allowed me to surrender and feel deeply what was occurring within my body and also the potential I have to live with more love on an every day basis.

‘Consistent loving care enables us to trust and heal.’ That is powerful Elaine. When we are very far from expressing the truth of ourselves, as can be the case with bi-polar and psychosis, it can feel scary. So having someone around who can be trusted provides a healing space. I can feel how others around us support us deeply on our journey to know who we really are.

Gina that’s a really great sharing of how it feels to be ” when we are very far from expressing the truth of ourselves” I didn’t consider that it could be a scary place to be. So trust is a very healing ingredient that opens up the space for that reflection.

It struck me reading your blog Anonymous how easy it would be to look to academic literature to seek answers on how to work with the people you support. While some training is obviously necessary, the basis of what you are offering these people is genuine connection and this is something that can’t be taught via any manual. Clearly people everywhere around you can feel and appreciate what you are offering, even if they haven’t got the words to describe what it is. As you say ‘the secret’ isn’t really a secret at all and importantly, it’s something that is freely available to all, if we choose it.

“When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.” Anonymous, this is a ‘secret recipe’ for all interactions. I know that when I relate to children this way it settles any disharmony in their behavior because they feel seen and understood. When I am “simply being me “ they can also be themselves and can therefore connect to their own innate sense of responsibility and knowing which sets natural boundaries and loving guidance. Trying to control them by imposing rules or structure on them comes from the idea that we know better which makes them feel less and so they may well react or not be able to hear what we say. By connecting with ourselves and with the people we are supporting we can work together as a team to maintain harmony.

Anon, your blog shows how powerful it is for us to “simply be me”. This gives others permission to just be themselves too and then we are equal – no need for airs or graces, reaction or emotion, just the simple pleasure of working together as a team and addressing with loving understanding (not sympathy) anything that disturbs the harmony.

It may not be a ‘secret’ but it is not how we are generally raised. There is rather a focus on schooling, manners, achievement etc, but not on self-love and connection to self and all others. Thank you for sharing your ‘secret’, that we may all learn the truth.

Anonymous, your expression at work is inspiring, and testament to the way you live impacting positively yourself, others and what you do for a job too. The way we express and communicate comes from the way we live life and in any profession whether that’s support care work, beauty services or banking, when this (life) is love, care, regard and respect, the results are far reaching and also healing.

Zofia what you’ve said here is in itself profound when you think about it… ‘The way we express and communicate comes from the way we live life…’! When are we ever taught anything like that… if I want to express love and care in whatever area of life I choose, then I need to look at my choices in everyday life. If I am self-abusive, then what I express cannot be truly loving. That is a paradigm shift if ever I heard one.

Thank you Anonymous, your sharing is deeply inspiring. Beautiful to read what a huge difference you are making simply by being you. And indeed no secret, just responsible and loving choices. Thank you again for sharing.

” So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.” This brings a warm smile as I acknowledge and appreciate that many of us share and thoroughly enjoy your ‘Clayton’s secret’.

Being ourselves and being genuine has a huge positive impact on all people around us, whether it is family, service users or work colleagues everyone benefits when someone is connected to themselves with no need to prove anything

Its also such a joy to be around people who you can feel are living in a way that is genuine, true and open – no holding back. As you share Samantha this does have a huge positive impact on everyone around us no matter where or what situation in life.

This blog brings so much clarity in what ‘ simply being me’ means. This reflection is much needed in a world where for most people ‘being who we truly are’ is still a secret they are searching for everywhere, except within themselves.

By your livingness Anonymous, you are changing lives and inspiring people to make better choices in future situations. It’s not really a secret but really a natural way we should be with everyone, loving ,caring and just being who we truly are.

Yes Kevin, no secret, just a natural way we can be with everyone! When I look at the complicated processes and supports that are then required for the carers of those in need, and how ill they often end up themselves, it is such a waste when the answer is so simple.

How many people that do the same job as you are just going through the motions of it being a job without forming any real connection with those they look after or work with. It seems like the only way you build trust is through connection and though this connection true healing can occur.

“I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” No secret – just being who you naturally are with everyone you meet. Beautiful. Imagine a world where everyone is like this all the time – one day it will be so. Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon for leading the way – a man who is himself with everyone he meets, never treating anyone any differently – true equality, true brotherhood.

I spent 10 years working with adults with learning difficulties and challenging behaviour. What I found was that I could connect with them instantly in a way that is not usually possible with most people. Due to their lack of ability to communicate verbally they were so open to a deeper form of connection which felt to me like soul to soul. it proved to me that often words simply get in the way of a true and deeper connection.

“So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.” Maybe at present for many the way you are Anonymous may seem like a hidden secret, because the world we live in does not support us to know ourselves fully in our true essence,. yet once we discover ourselves we see it is no secret at all but the most natural thing in the world to be…’Ourselves’

This blog really highlights the power of being love in the world – we all know love and feel when there is a lack of it around us or coming towards us as an imposition. This hurts so we become hard, protective, guarded, defensive, mistrustful, even aggressive. These reactions are not helpful and not loving in themselves but imagine if we took away the original imposition? How much more open and trusting would society be?

Deep down we all crave being connected to and being seen for who we are underneath all our behaviours and issues etc. We can only truly meet someone like this if we have connected deeply to our own essence and accepted that, hence the importance of self care and self nurturing to build that connection within so that we then can connect with those around us.

This is an example of true support “I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.” Being understanding and unimposing is a wonderful way to support others, it allows space and refection can take place. Feeling someone is there with love is all that is required.

I agree when stillness is connected with it can be felt by other people “I have found that this has provided me with a foundation that supports me at work, enabling me to hold my presence and stillness. This can be felt by those around me and has an effect on their mood and behaviour.” People can feel the solidness and steadiness of this, it is something to trust in a world that is often chaotic and tricky.

It is a great marker for how being committed to to heal ourselves supports everyone. Every interaction makes a difference, it is awesome what is happening within the work place and a great example, however what you are sharing also goes with you where ever you go. This sort of respect, love and care can not be delivered on a one off basis, or only when you feel like it, it has to be lived. How lovely that people through this article, in the street, in the shops, your family and friends, everyone within your sphere gets to feel this quality. This commitment is what will offer real change to humanity.

I have worked in the mental health and learning disabilities support services and I have felt a huge difference in the quality of the relationships that are built through my being aware of the way I am. When I have connected to stillness and brought respect, care and love, deeper, more trusting and richer relationships have grown. Being understanding and patient with ourselves and others deepens our ability to observe what is occurring and so enabling us to make relationships about love. Thank you for sharing your experience..

What you are sharing is extremely powerful. The points you raised can seem so simple but they are amazing in that. Many people struggle with understanding why others behave in a certain way and feel personally offended and may react from that. From reading your blog I can see you clearly can observe, see what is going on, understand and then accept and letting the other person be where he/she is at. This gives others true freedom to simply be themselves. This is beautiful and the way forward, not just with people with mental illnesses but with actually all people we interact with in our everyday life.

“This is beautiful and the way forward, not just with people with mental illnesses but with actually all people we interact with in our everyday life.” so true Lieke. It is a gorgeous and much needed way to be with everyone.

It’s amazing! I have been asked the same question many years ago, ‘what is your secret?’ in relation to how I managed to overcome a horrendous childhood. I too responded in the same way, ‘I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special’. I felt exactly the same and later I pondered on this question a bit more and came to the realisation that my answer was ‘Love’. It was my ability to still connect to love and myself even though my environment was not loving. Choosing to connect to people by being our true self (love) assist us to heal and brings harmony.

“I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” This is everything Anonymous, ordinary and normal maybe, but extraordinary at the same time. I am glad you were able to see and appreciate your way of being here, just being you.

The understanding to know what it truly means to ‘be ourselves’ has been presented and shown to me by Serge Benhayon. Sometimes we think we are being ourselves but we are living up to an image, ideal, role or picture – of which many are presented to us in life. To be fully natural and our true selves is a wonderful expression to know – and seeing it and feeling it reflected to us by others, is a fantastic way to know what it truly means.

To truly embrace the power of being ourselves and treating others with equality, love and respect in all our interactions is true brotherhood. We are from this quality and crave to live in this quality.

‘I was a little lost for words’ – we need to fully appreciate the beautiful effects when we hold others in love and equality in our interactions. Healing is sprinkled across all of life when this is lived and reflected.

Thank you Anonymous for sharing this with us. It inspires me to read how much openness you bring to the mental health working environment and how much you are there for the clients, approaching them with love, and no judgements or playing ‘a tone above’. Thank you, I am very humbled by your living words.

What you describe Anonymous may seem on the surface like a ‘small thing’ yet as your experience shows this quality, awareness and presence is actually the secret we have been missing. I love how you illustrate that it is very much an ‘open secret’ however, one which we actually all deep down, know and are aware of. What would our world be like if we all surrendered to the grand power that lives in every ‘small moment?’

“As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support.” I have found that this makes all the difference also. It seems so lost now days that others are so appreciative when you meet them for them and bring connection to what you do.

Great sharing Anonymous. So simple the effect of just being ourselves can be on people. Especially with people who you work with and are perhaps more openly sensitive to the way people, social workers like you, relate to them. It shows that is not about what you do on a functional level, but the quality of love you do it with. That is so often missing out in the health industry, and the people crave for the most.

This story triggers the way my mum was treated by staff in the elderly home where she stayed until she died. She often complained that people in the staff where nagging her, really believing that people did things on purpose to upset her. The truth that she felt the love or the absence of love in the things people did. Letting love be felt started out by presently doing things which was many times missing. The absence of love and care in the way most of the staff dealt with here was one of the things that made her withdraw from life. What could have been true family support on a daily basis in her last years – as she saw the staff on a daily basis and us, her children, once every two weeks – was missing.
That is what elderly homes could be: true family support, as an elderly home with all the staff and other elderly, is the new home where an elderly is living on a daily basis.

Engaging everyone as equals is such an important way to live because no matter what our predicament is, we are all equal and on some level we all know this, so being treated anything less or in a different way feels wrong and no wonder someone with special needs with special needs may get upset.

Anonymous, this is amazing, ‘I have noticed that my presence at work usually has a calming effect on the people I support as well as other staff. This is supported by the decreasing number of behavioural incidents which have occurred.’, Living in our naturally calm, caring way where we are present and still is a blessing for those around us, I have been aware of this and seen changes around me but until reading your blog did not fully appreciate this, it is very confirming and inspiring to read your blog and shows the effect that one person living in their true loving way can have.

We all carry this secret the ability to just be who we are, it’s secret because we have hidden this amazing beauty from ourselves, but when we open up and let people in the world changes and it’s a bit like the sun shinning after days of grey overcast skies, everyone smiles and feels so much better.

Shami I really enjoy every aspect of my life… it’s a celebration everyday no matter what I am doing it all just becomes an expression of the love and joy I am feeling within and yes it all comes back to laying foundations that support this body and it’s purpose. That’s ‘my secret’ I choose to share.

Without the loving foundations we put in place for ourselves such as ensuring the right quality of sleep and eating nourishing foods, we are not in a place to lovingly support another especially those who truly need our care.

I have recently become more aware of how some of the self help trainings I have done are actually harming. They create a separation between people rather than bringing them together in more understanding. When we are told to be assertive and speak up about what is bothering us we are often told to do this as a mental exercise or an emotionally cathartic one. There is no connection to our inner heart and the communication is often hard and cold or emotionally hooking. there is no true connection. Without this connection which comes from the love that we are there is no self help whatsoever. Your sharing here anonymous is a great example of what we can bring and how true relationships can be borne through expression and communication that holds true connection paramount.

Thanks Anonymous, what you’ve shared is profound and would revolutionise the care industry if it were widely understood and fostered. To know you are the most powerful tool in supporting others, particularly when behavioural issues like you describe are being managed, is both empowering and life-changing.

I completely agree with you Jenny. You said it perfect. I am deeply touched that Mr or Mrs New Zealand can bring this to the clinic. I wish this for all mental clinics worldwide. I feel the persons working there would benefit if offered trainings by Universal Medicine practitioners to support them to support the mental ill people.

Absolutely Jenny, ‘Thanks Anonymous, what you’ve shared is profound and would revolutionise the care industry if it were widely understood and fostered.’ What I observe working part time as a carer is how little carers care for themselves, how they treat their own bodies with hardness and a lack of respect, this is then how clients get treated, elderly people have said to me how roughly they are treated and when they say this to the carer the carer is surprised as this is just how they normally do things, they did not realise they were being rough. I am very gentle with myself and take care and nurture myself, and so I’m very gentle and caring with my clients, it is natural to be this way with them and just as I cannot imagine being rough with myself I cannot imagine being rough with my clients.

l’ve also seen many carers over the years who work in the human services arena, and very few manage to survive it well at all. This is gold Anonymous… as it is also the antidote to stress, burnout and overwhelm, which are very common traits in those working in these areas.

“My secret is simply being me ” Wow how beautiful to read and know how true this is and the appreciation this brings to our lives and that of others everywhere. Everything is important every moment in connection to ourselves and the reflection and love from this resonates through this blog and is a joy to read, thank you.

Anonymous, it is deeply inspiring to read of your experiences and interactions with the people you care for. What particularly touched me was where you share, “I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path”, this is true compassion in action, and it does not surprise me in the least how they behave differently with you, as they will feel how you honour and accept them for where they are on their chosen path through life.

I agree Elizabeth, this is very touching, ‘“I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path”, I can feel how at work I accept where people are at and do not judge them, but with family and friends I have more attachment to how they are and their choices and so can be more judgmental and less accepting, although this is changing, it is great to feel this and to be aware that it is important to accept where everybody is at on their chosen path through life no matter what our relationship with them.

There are no secrets, the beauty comes from within. This is so important, that we just present ourselves, and as you say that we are there to support another on their chosen path, not to change them…which is where so many often go wrong, and hence why they end up feeling they are not making a difference.

“There are no secrets…”, it is just the esoteric being lived in temporal life as a very ordinary thing. Neither the esoteric nor who we are is a secret; only for those who have not yet opened their eyes the obvious is veiled until they choose to see.

What I am reading is someone who will willing to put the quality of their connection in front any theory of care. In a world where people are taught boundaries before connection, you are offering a revolution in the caring role, showing that connection doesn’t need to be a emotional connection that has shaky boundaries but a willingness to see the person behind the problem.

What we do can feel so simple , so ordinary, so normal but in fact when we are truly connecting to another what is being offered is amazing, healing and magical. This is the gift you are for others, Anonymous.

” I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner. ” Anon you have offered what we all crave … a reflection of love, supporting who we are in full and not being seen as our disability and offered respect as an equal. Your ” little secret ” has been life changing for your client and is what could change the world.

occurs to me how we undervalue the power of being connected to ‘ourselves’, if we stopped and realise we are ourselves but in connection to the infinite divine light within and that’s all powerful and lights the way for others if they choose. It’s a secret we all hold within but once out shines like you have anon.

It’s a pretty good secret. I found when we connect with people and really see them, it takes the anxiety of wanting to be seen for who they truly are rather than for a role or an illness. This means there is a calmness to start with because there is an equal footing. This is loving and glorious.

“Simply being me” – but what does this mean to the average person? The answer is truly in this blog. Stating in each dot point how loving care and respect and the space offered to the clients was all underpinned by the last dot point, holding connection to oneself. It is crucial understanding that when we react to someone else, we lose ourselves in the reaction. Yet this happens automatically as we all know. So ‘simply being me’ is the way of living that brings a steadiness to relationship that means being in a place to not lose ourselves and therefore be able to support another how they need to be supported and not how we think they should be. Thus the trust opens up. Thank you Anonymous, a masterpiece of writing, simply from you.

“…So my ‘secret’ is simply being me…” I can just imagine how your quality of presence must be like a breath of fresh air coming every time you walk into work… And in fact this noticeable quality of you is probably the loudest secret on display!! Very inspiring Anonymous, self care and connection is bringing so much care and healing on many any levels. Self care isn’t just for one, it is for all as you beautiful demonstrate.

What you share with us all Anon is pure gold – In your words “When I interact with people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion and engaging with them as an equal”. Just being ‘all of you’ in your glory – naturally so. Thank you Anonymous.

Anonymous- How awesome that you can inspire the staff around you by simply being yourself- self caring and living in a way that is respectful and honouring of others; letting clients/patients be where they are at without judgement, and above all connecting with them from the heart. This means so much and clients/ patients feel this.

Dear Anonymous, this is a beautiful sharing and not only a guidance for people who have the same or similar profession like you – the steps and choices you make for yourself and which enable you to hold exactly this stillness and respect towards other people is actually a recipe for our everyday interactions. We just have to observe how many people around us (and at times we are affected by ourselves with that) go into extreme behaviors. Not reacting and staying still and naturally loving as we are is the basis of all in front of us.

” I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” How great is it when we can say that being loving and caring with another is our normal? Nevertheless worth to appreciate such a beautiful normal.

It is great Alex thank you for emphasising this. When loving and caring is natural and normal, no one puts defences up as they feel it as so natural. This is the true normal each and every person can bring to the whole world, with delight and ease.

Very beautiful anonymous, New Zealand. I feel your respect and equalness in how you are with the other which then gives the space for the other to be themselves to their ability. This is pretty huge what you bring us here, as something significant for the healthcare in general and very supporting for all mental ill people. They are seen many times as less and crazy even, even though their way of behaving comes many times from not knowing how to deal with all they feel in life. They are very sensitive people. By you choice of opening up to your sensitivity by choosing to eat in a way thats supports, that is a big present for them who are like feeling in prison with all what they feel and all there negative thoughts. You help them back to their hearts. That should not be a secret, That is for all the world to know and to learn from.

“Above all else, I maintain my connection to self, trying not to take on what may be going on around me.” no easy feat Anonymous in the crazy day to day that we sometimes have. Your sharing is inspiring because what you say can be ‘normal’ and there is no secret to being love with ourselves and all others. What an awesome support you are offering to those around you.

When we make something ‘special’, we somewhat make it as though that very thing is unattainable, or at least requires huge effort and possibly sacrifice to get there, even when in fact it is so simple, and ordinary and so accessible – and we can hold that up as an excuse why we are not that.

“I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.” When we meet people with love and respect, we get the same reflected back.

Great sharing Anonymous, when we build a truly loving, responsible and caring foundation to live from, this is felt on a deep level with everyone around us and we are able to connect in a true and open way without judgement, expectation or imposition. This is very freeing to feel by others and they are able to respond in a more open way with us.

Great secret, a secret we all know as you say Anonymous. What a difference it makes when you make the choice to connect to someone and let them in and understand they are making choices. No need to change them because they are making choices and already have made a choice. Be yourself in the loving manner you have described and allow life change through the quality you choose and the inspiration that you are.

Isn’t this what we all naturally deserve and it is sad for our world that this is not always the case. Imagine what a different world we would be living in if we treated everyone with the level of love and respect that Anonymous is showing us here.

Oh gosh. Such a gorgeous blog. Is it too simple for us to handle?! Imagine what our group pride would have to do to accept this. Imagine the zillions of $$ and aeons of time that we have invested in allowing ourselves to avoid the simple and gigantically profound simplicity of taking responsibility – which is exactly what Anon is doing.

But then so many have chosen to avoid taking responsibility. Far better to no longer avoid the “simple and gigantically profound simplicity of taking responsibility, for the sake of all of us, for humanity.

Specifically what is so special in all of this is that these amazing acts of caring (the bullet points) are done ‘by simply being me’. Zero imposition, zero special effort. Just a brother caring for another brother. I recently stayed with a friend for 3 days and the love, care, attention and detail in which he looked after me was quite simply stunning. But what was way more golden was the fact that there wasn’t one ounce of him doing anything special for me – it was just exactly who he is. That is where the deep, permanent and game-changing inspiration comes from.

Beautiful, Otto, lovely to hear how your friend took such loving care of you when you stayed with him. He was obviously a man who was truly caring for himself, so why would he not care for you in the same manner? But it was just him being who he is. It is open to us all to live this way, such a simple way, to be our true selves, but what a different society we would live in if we all chose to live this way.

‘When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.’ This stood out for me as it got me wondering how often do we truly treat others as equals, without making them more than us or less than ourselves? And how beautifully profound are the results when we respect all others as equals regardless of their age or physical or mental abilities?

“how beautifully profound are the results when we respect all others as equals regardless of their age or physical or mental abilities?” And why should we not treat all others as equals, when we are all equally in our essence, then we are truly equal. And people respond so differently when they are treated equally, as Anonymous has found in her interactions with those that he/she supports. They respond in a far more positive way.

I agree, Alexis. It is so simple, but unfortunately it is not natural in present day society. But it is truly the natural way for us all to live, and how much more loving and open a society we would have if we all began living in the way that Anonymous has presented as a ‘secret’. But obviously, the different outcome that he/she was experiencing was regarded as a secret by the other carers in the group.

The other interesting thing about this industry, and the aged care industry, is that support workers can be very poorly paid. Yet what Anonymous brings to the role is so, so valuable. One day all support workers will be working in this way, and be well-remunerated for it.

Learning to make a true connections with others everyday with whoever we meet is an amazing expansive loving way of living reflected to us by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine It is a secret of simply being ourselves with others and letting everyone in. The joy of being met by another is everything and an art we have lost in society but one that is coming back and much needed and valued by us all.

I so agree with you, Tricia, it is such a simple secret, but how powerful it is. We all want to be met by others, and this can start by letting everyone in ourselves, this gives the others the confidence to start to let us in to them. When we put up our shields to protect us from others, then of course they react the same way, put up their own defences. It is time for the defences to be laid down for good, time for us to open up to all of humanity, and meet each other as the beautiful beings that we truly are.

A truly inspirational blog Anonymous. Offering truth and love plus respecting the other person no matter what the situation makes a world of difference, and people naturally respond to being treated as an equal and trust and sharing follow.

Thank you Anonymous, for sharing your life-changing “secret” with us. It may not seem like a secret, but it is not the way that the majority of our society live. “So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.” When I look around me, and see how the majority of people live, they are not living responsibly, they are not looking after themselves, do not live lovingly with all those they interact with. So many people are driving themselves, working and partying hard, with no regard for their body at all. So many are living in constant anxiety and tension, life is not easy for people, who are facing constant pressure, part of it self-inflicted.

So the way you describe your way of living is obviously key to your great success in dealing with these people, while other carers find it far more difficult. You are treating yourself as well as these people that you support with a gentle, loving dignity and they are responding to this in a much more positive way with you. You have gained their confidence, they feel safe with you. A really beautiful sharing, and much for others to learn from you in their handling of these people who need support.

It is so true, anonymous, we all just want to be met for the person that we are. . It is so simple really but in our busy lives many people do not feel met at all and this is even worse with all the modern technology. I am not sure that many of our youth even talk much to their friends- they prefer to text and rarely make phone calls! I am not sure that a person feels truly met via a text!

Great point Anne – what is the quality of the connection between people when it is through our social media and technology, further more just how much does this also draw us away from the connection we have with ourselves.

I guess it comes down to the quality of that text. My husband and I text each other and that always feels beautiful, or playful. I have a friend who uses emoticons to great effect. I can always feel her warmth.

Yes, I enjoy texting as a means for communication and connection as long as it is never in isolation. Sometimes a quick text to check in with a friend on a day when we know they have something big going on for example can be hugely supportive.

I love this, as you say “So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.” so often we blame others or try to fix problems or situations, yet in your example its by the way you are with yourself that everything around you changes. How inspiring to see that instead of having to work through issues at work, we take care for the quality we are and other people respond. Quite incredible.

Following on from your sharing Marika of the truth being simple, whenever a situation feels complicated I now step back and observe as the feeling of complication is indicating something is not right or needs addressing then when this is done, bingo no more complication.

How we are with ourselves is reflected back to us by all those around us. I have also experienced people at work who react to others being calm and receptive around me…and I have also had times when I have done too much and been racy before going to work, and sure enough my day always ends up being racy and very busy too! It proves that every thing we do, say or think really does come back to us.

This says something about the world. How many people are able to simply be themselves,, without any trying to be something else, without any role playing? Very very few. So we could say it is a secret because very few are able to do it and the vast majority are unaware that they are not being their true selves the majority of the time. I believe I can say this because I didn’t know that I wasn’t able to be my true self until a few years ago when I started to learn that the roles I played were not me.

Everyone all of the time is watching everyone, it is a constant analysing of the way each other lives that determines how we are going to be in life and around each other. What you share here is Gold because you have been able to inspire someone that has consistently been watching you at work and then have been mesmerised by you approach to then ask ‘what is you secret?’. This is Awesome.

You’re right, it’s a great example of that! And when we realise we are in fact being observed all the time, it ups the ante in terms of responsibility. What kind role model are we and what exactly are we modelling?

Wow i am starting to realise how simple being me is! When I try to fit into a certain role it creates havoc and so much complication. Being me is so natural and yet there are times I override this simplicity in order to please, or for recognition or for fear for standing out – when I do this the complication just starts again. Keeping it simple, keeping it real and being true to me is a recipe for true success and real love.

Samantha – I agree with you. What is also so true is the exhaustion that comes with not being me. This has taken me years to see as I have always thought that my energy levels would be related to physical exertion. How wrong I was! Now, if I am able to go through my day being me, just me, no masks, no facade, no pushing, no hiding – just me, then it is amazing how I feel at the end of the day. Yes my physical limbs may be tired, but the fire in me is still burning bright.

This is gold Otto and so important, often when we want to support our wellbeing on a deeper level, food and exercise are the main areas that get focus but our thoughts and actions need equal consideration and loving assessment and worked with. Its pointless just focusing on the physical and looking after ourselves from that perspective when all of this work can be undone with constant negative thoughts be it from perfectionism, self loathing, lack of self worth or lack of confidence.

Totally with you Otto, the level of exhaustion I used to feel was coming from living against myself and constantly performing roles in life. Today I may feel physically tired, but as you beautifully said “the fire in me is still burning bright”.

“I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path”. This is huge, it’s massive you could say, in retrospect it reflects many different relationships be it at work, whether you are a support worker, a teacher, a bank clerk , doctor or carer or in family life too, a mum, dad and their kids, or the other way around for that matter too. I am learning that relationships are about holding a person in love no matter what they choose, accepting, allowing, saying no to abuse and most of all understanding. There is so much beauty to be seen in a person when we get our issues out of the way.

Secrets are made out to be something exclusive, hidden, often intricate and all theses codes and paths to find them – when in truth – it’s very simple, no secrets there – it all comes down to the simplicity, care, love and respect in which you obviously live and hold for yourself, so naturally are that with other people. As the old saying goes ‘treat others as you would want to treated yourself’.

“My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body. Such choices include: having a gluten, dairy and sugar free diet, choosing not to drink alcohol and choosing to go to bed at a time and in a manner that supports my body’s natural rhythms. I have found that this has provided me with a foundation that supports me at work, enabling me to hold my presence and stillness. This can be felt by those around me and has an effect on their mood and behaviour.” I love it, very humbling to read – it just goes to show how we live affects everybody.

‘Above all else, I maintain my connection to self…’ This might just be ‘the secret’ to mastery of not only work but life and the kind of change we would all like to see in the world. This connection to ourselves, and the quality with which we live it, has the power to move mountains.

‘They are where they are as a result of choices they have made…’ As it currently stands, our understanding of disability is limited. But if we see disability as simply the end result of series of movements along a certain path, it can make sense. Every condition we manifest – be it a permanent condition, a chronic illness, an acute illness, a passing illness or accident or even a bumped knee – these are all the end result of trajectory of some kind or the other.

So often those with mental disorders can feel when support staff are imposing expectations on them, being in connection to yourself and acceptance of others without judgement or expectation allows them the space to feel that connection too.

That’s my experience too Michael, the more sensitive people are the less they are willing to pretend that everything is ok and they clearly react to being imposed on. We call this behavior extreme as we have normalized the acceptance of impositions and lack of connection, but it can also be considered as a “healthy” reaction” to something out of order.

We have Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to thank for what Anonymous has learned and shared here and what all of us who have studied with Universal Medicine have learned – how to be ourselves. Yes, it is so simple, but not so much so that we were able to get there ourselves. It takes someone able to step clear of the miasma we all live in to show a different way of living and being, breaking it down into digestible chunks that we may master ourselves.

What Anonymous shows us here is a way to approach all our relationships and encounters – with understanding. If we consider the behaviours Anonymous’s clients display are the same behaviours we all display, just writ a little larger this releases any thoughts we may have around making ourselves ‘better’ than anyone else.

Yes it is interesting isn’t it Anonymous, that when we don’t have any emotional attachment or need with a situation or person, it opens it up to a different experience that is uncomplicated and very much in flow.

Yes Katie it is very simple yet life changing as we live in a way that supports our body and wellbeing, which then makes us available to be with others in a connected and loving way. But if we’re exhausted, not looking after ourselves, then we do not have the energy or space for another, we’re more likely to be reactive, shutdown, tired, drained, resentful if we need to give out and so forth.

We so often underestimate the importance of unspoken communication, yet the fact is that every person feels everything, and whether they are aware of this or not their bodies are responding to what they feel. So what a patient will feel in a caring role is your intentions, and they may well be settled or unsettled by the quality of how we live, I am sure that is the same in any situation, an office, or wherever, our interactions are not influenced only by what and how we speak, but what we carry into each interaction inside our bodies. Are we in turmoil, completely still and harmonious, or somewhere in between.

It is fabulous how you went about work with loving connection as your purpose and this was truly felt and received, reflected in the response from others. This is a wonderful testament to what is possible when true purpose and care for humanity is the foundation of what is being offered.

Your secret is beautiful to read and shows us what is possible when we live love on a consistent basis and enjoy true connection with everyone – everyone feels it and it has the power to change everything.

What is your secret? A question asked in this scenario as though there is something mysterious here, because a person is not behaving in a certain way with you….we are all sensitive people and when we are treated with connection, respect, care, and value we feel that…all of us, even those of us with mental health conditions…we are all human beings that respond to love. What you bring – is just being you – which is a loving human being – that is who we truly all are – simple. When we live it, the results are seen, felt and lived. The secret is ‘love’.

“I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.”
When we bring ourselves fully to whatever interactions we are having it does not feel that we are doing anything special but unfortunately this is not always the case and our interactions can be rushed and loveless in some situations. Anon, what you are sharing here is extraordinarily ordinary and is so very special. Everyone deserves to be connected to another in this way.

Beautiful confirmation that there is a universal truthful way to live. That works in all situations and with all people. We are all the same on a soul level even though our lives seem individually different. The grace to be and let be.

A beautiful post showing the difference we make simply by connecting, ‘As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support. Since I have been doing this I have noticed a significant change in how one of them interacts with me.’

“I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner”.
Gorgeous Anonymous, your secret is the new normal, treating people with love, respect, wisdom and tenderness.

We so often underestimate how we are with people is how they respond or react to us. This reminds me of when I used to work in residential homes for people on the Autistic spectrum and how certain support staff used to try and exert their control over clients to which clients reacted with behaviours that challenged. These behaviours happened when anxieties were high over other triggers but how one was played an enormous part. This is still so with us all, just the reactions may not be as visible so we may not get the obvious reflections we perhaps could.

My children often tell me that I am calm and that they enjoy being around me. I know it comes down to how I am feeling within myself and learning not to take on other people’s issues. My commitment is to self letting go of that which is not who I am and embracing the true qualities within.

A beautifull example of how we live affects others. If we care, love and nurture ourselves and our body it offers others a quality of presence and connection. If we are stressed, frustrated, rushing and live in disregard it offers others nothing.

What a great secret – which really isn’t a secret at all – because deep down we all have access to being in this same quality of connection with ourselves and others. Of course, it’s not something we all choose, but this doesn’t change the fact that it’s available.

Anonymous I really love what you have shared about your work. I am also working in this health area and I only can agree to what you have shared: “I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.” For me to work like this is important as otherwise there is no true connection possible.

How we live, and the quality of this has a huge impact on those around us, this brings it back to being responsible, to being loving and nurturing with self first, this is then felt by everyone around, ‘So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.’

‘So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.’ What you have shared is a testimonial for how selfceare and living in a responsible way has its ripple effect. You are not making these loving choices just for yourself but for everybody and thats why you are able to deliver true care in the way you do, being connected to yourself is bringing connection and from there understanding to the people you work with.

We do not give enough credit to how much our general attitude and behavior in life actually influences what we then communicate on so many levels with another. This is a great testimonial of how our life-style effects the way we are perceived.

With this beautiful blog, I am reminded again that there really is no need for guarding and protection from what might happen with the people we interact with (which also comes in the form of judgment of others). Regardless of the times when we act or speak in a way that is not loving, I feel that what we all really want is to be with each other as our true selves, without walls of protection.

Not only is there no need for it, but there is no benefit, and certainly no reward, as judgment and guarding only serve to hurt ourselves as well as the person we are supposedly protecting from.

When we bring our solid foundation of living sensibly and lovingly into our relationships there is a consistency that people notice and it is in the quality of how we meet people, look into their eyes, how we walk, bring space to situations and is there to be seen in our whole manner. When simply brought with consistency this cannot help but be trusted.

Funny – when I was reading this I could not help but think of the fact that when I or others in my family are inconsistent we also get mood swings (maybe not quite so obvious), and then likewise we are most likely to take out any frustration we have on those closest to us in the family. There is a lot to learn for all of us here.

The caring, loving and responsible way you are at work is healing on so many levels. I hope the other members of your team have taken a leaf out of your book and started applying the same techniques and maybe even started looking after themselves as you do .

We can never underestimate the power of reflection through the way we live. This story is a great testament to living life in love and connection to ourselves and the ripple effect that that has on those around us. It makes our purpose on earth so much clearer and proves the fact that we are all so much more connected to each other then the current model that society is running on.

I feel your ‘secret’ is in the way your patients are held as equals. That’s huge! For support workers to not judge or hold the patients as their illness but as a person with the same chances, opportunities and the rest as everyone else. They are no less and like you say, their choices have lead them to this point. That pretty much wipes out any form of sympathy too, which never helps anyone to be themselves.

This is beautiful to read Anonymous, your secret is that you were able to truly connect to another and respect and value you who they were – this is huge as so many people are craving connection and they just melt when they receive this level of love.

“When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.” This is really important, connection with people is key in life. We often make it about the things we do, but making daily life about connection with people is much more important I found. It brings simplicity as we just have to be ourselves and connect and life becomes less about results of what we do and more about who we are which is very healthy to do.

I find at work I can still lose myself to the role I think I need to play- when I do this those I work with react. However, when I stay myself and express from me not from any role the response is much different and I have much more fun.
I find that when I am anxious I hide in the role and that just creates more anxiety.

A beautiful reflection Anonymous, building true presence with ourselves allows us to align to our body’s natural rhythm and builds a steadiness and quality that is deeply felt by others and they are able to open up and respond because they recognise and feel the same quality within themselves.

We love it when others are open, loving and caring with us…it follows that others love the same from us in return. Yet, in a world that is stressed, rushed and constantly on the move we don’t allow ourselves this most natural of expressions.

It is inspiring to feel that the way you choose to live with awareness, self-honesty and connection with yourself, brings a quality of presence to the work you do. With this can I feel that your understanding and appreciation of the fact that we are all equals, is deeply honoring of yourself and the people you support at work, as behaviours are not taken personally. Also the quality you bring is very healing in that you are reminding others of who they are, to be the love they are as best they can, as you are meeting them in the greatness of who they are in essence, and not in reaction to their behaviours. What a powerful refection you offer, for both the people you support and your colleagues.

Respect is a vital ingredient in any relationship. It is foundational to building trust and a willingness to connect with other people. This blog shows the huge impact that treating people with respect and acceptance can have on how others relate to us. This is very inspiring, as we can often blame or judge others in our workplace, be they customers, clients or colleagues. This shows that we need to bring it back to ourselves first and what we are adding to the relationship mix.

Perfect for me to read today…. I am also a support worker and go into people’s houses on a daily basis. I also live a very simple life and also make choices that deeply support my body and how I am with myself. Self-care and deep self-nurture are part of my daily routine, thus when I am working I move in this deep level of self-care for myself which all my clients benefit from as I am gentle and tender in my movements with them.

What a beautiful and simple way to work. No wonder your clients are literally drawn to you and your openness and warmth. It goes to show that everyone is reading each other all the time and can feel how we live.

No Anonymous no secret at all; how blessed are the people you look after to have your love and support. I’m sure the blessing is two way;
“So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all”.

In this article brief mention is made of how the writer is conscious of their tone of voice… This is an extraordinarily powerful awareness that is known by many professions and yet is never really addressed… For example how the tone of the teacher’s voice absolutely affects how much a child can actually learn… How doctors’ tone of voice reveals so much… These are the things that we all should and can be aware of.

“I’m careful not to react to what they might say.” and “I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.” These are the absolute keys to me, for our interactions with everybody.

I loved reading and feeling the integrity in which you interact with people at work Anonymous, building a true connection with people is so important no matter how they present and express themselves. Reflecting a quality in our presence allows others the space to be able to feel this same quality equally within themselves and we naturally open up to connect on a far deeper and truer level.

thank you for simply being you and sharing this with the world. It speaks volumes of how we can be with people and not control them or have any pictures, but just support them in full and be with them in every moment.

Such a blessing for you and the three people you care for Anonymous, that you so lovingly, naturally, and with great responsibility, care for them. No, no secret, there for all to see you being your natural, loving, responsible self.

Amazing, how simple and natural it is to simply be in an environment and how people around us then feel the harmony as opposed to the imposition. Just being ourselves is what we would all want – it is the responsibility that comes with that that we avoid.

Anonymous, it is very interesting to read your article and what you have shared ‘So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.’ I have noticed what a difference it makes to myself and others when I am calm, steady and present and how supportive this is.

It is interesting how this is termed a secret by most as it is so natural and it is simple common sense to live like this. It is like this way of being has become a secret to many yet it is not a secret at all!

It is very telling that you describe yourself as ‘just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner’. Whilst this may be your norm it certainly is not for the majority of people working as support workers or in other similar roles. Often feeling under-valued and over-stretched it can be hard to connect to clients in a meaningful way and remain calm and loving to yourself and others. The reflection that you are offering clients and your colleagues is huge and no doubt much appreciated. Thank you for sharing.

This is Gold Anonymous. In my work I teach about working with ‘behaviours which challenge’ and I am certain that what you share here is true. Someone who lives life in a self-loving way emanates a presence that can clearly be felt and this is the seed of true relationships and connections with others. In my experience, those who suffer with mental health issues are often deeply sensitive beings and they can feel very clearly when a person is living congruently with their innermost being. They feel this congruence and hence feel safe in that company with no other agenda at play, no attempts to fix them – but to simply be with them in the transparency of who we are. Awesome awareness and thank you for sharing it here. One day the world of Social Care will appreciate this and will be transformed by it.

I am realising more and more that every single one of us is deeply sensitive and craves love and connection. The strategies to cover the hurts and disappointment from not receiving that may be different, but it means most of us carry scars, protection and aberrant behaviour none the less. To live a loving and responsible life and “simply be with them in the transparency of who we are” is the greatest gift we can offer our fellow human beings.

I have found my stillness has a profound effect on people, even in a very short time and meeting for the first time, and on the phone as well. I find people visibly slow down, reconnect to themselves and their bodies and seem much more at ease and settled. Some also begin to emanate Stillness themselves. If one person can do this then imagine whole communities of people in stillness?

I was moved to read the impact your consistency of an open, loving and honouring reflection provided the space for someone who had trust issues to start to unfold out of that at their own pace without any pressure and expectation. I recall similarly how the consistency of love and integrity lived by Serge Benhayon supported me to turn around my given up attitude toward humanity and recognise that it was actually our true nature to embrace love, brotherhood, truth and integrity.

In this blog we have a person who had a diagnosed issue, but how many of us carry undealt with issues that go under the radar? This story is a great example of the significance of how we live on the extent of healing and inspiration we can provide each other without even realising or trying.

We can go on as many training courses we like to improve in our work places but but nothing will ever be better then true connection with someone. When we truly connect with another it moves mountains and magic just happens.

Thanks for sharing. I always wondered how people working with these mentally disabled people find their way to be with the mood swings. Very beautiful what you share here and it sounds as the way forward for all workers there. It is asked to be all the love they can be to give those people the support they need.

The appreciation you have for what you bring to the workplace and to others was beautiful to read Anon. While reading it I had a deeper understanding of what I also bring to my work, which is pretty cool. Thank you.

I love your secret Anon, it is about what you bring in your everyday livingness in honouring and loving yourself and holding those you care for within the same care and love. A powerful and gentle reflection.

Loving in a respectful manner is such a simple yet powerful way to interact, support, understand, accept and deeply honour another. Your story Anonymous is such a beautiful example of simply truly loving and respecting another person.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom.

We all crave the sort of connection you are talking about Anon, it is the most deeply satisfying and normal way of expressing with one another… there isn’t a person on earth who will not respond to it in some way, even if it is to reject it and walk the other way. It might be a simple thing your talking about but it’s power is enormous.

Anonymous, I have had a similar experience working with someone with dementia, I am avery calm, non judgmental and loving and respectful in the way I work with people, this person and I had a great relationship, I was always punctual, there were never any issues that arose, to me this person was very sweet and gentle. I heard on numerous occasions how other carers had many problems with this person, including the them lashing out and being verbally abusive and at a meeting the manager asked how I was with this person because we got on so well and other carers would either refuse to work with this person or would have very turbulent working relationships, I simply said that I was calm, supportive, encouraging and respectful with this person – so simple.

Inspiration is us being who we are and then bringing that from our bodies every movement. When we hold ourselves and allow others the space to simply be who they are. That is where the true magic lies.

Your blog highlights the importance of appreciation and how normalcy is quite a dangerous thing to fall for. When we just get used to life as it is and don’t think anything of it being anything special or unique we not only don’t tend to question whether what we are doing is true or not but we equally do not tend to appreciate the little things we do and the amazing presence we can bring that are undoubtedly very beautiful and worthy of forever having such appreciation.

Real Love for another well outweighs any kind of training we could ever have. Deep care for another is natural to us all we just need to get out of our heads because in our hearts we know we are all worthy of deep deep care, love and respect.

Being who we are, speaking our truth, our willingness to be open and honest and not hold back, these are all things that define and shape all our relationships, from the interactions we have daily to the person we’ll only ever meet once in a shop or a street.

Connecting with people when we hold Love as being the thing we are presenting as our lived self is seen by others and acknowledged by behavioural changes that are inspired by the Love that is lived or you are walking your talk. Life is that simple when true Love is shared equally with everyone.

“So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.” Speaking with everyone we meet in a decent respectful way takes no effort and enables us to connect with everyone we meet throughout our day. A question, do we treat ourselves in the same way?

Not reacting to or in any situation is a huge one, yet it is one that offers us , and all involved, an opportunity to see clearly what is at play, as such presenting the opportunity for us to respond in truth, and bring love to the situation. This is what truly serves us all.

Truly taking care of ourselves means that we can naturally be this way in life and bring that same care and love to the people we work with. People then look to us for support and we have a responsibility in how we verbally express ourselves.

What I love about this blog is that you are showing that there is no secret to connecting with people – it just comes down to us being us. What an amazing reflection you are offering all the patients here – that they have someone they feel they can connect with and open up to and they don’t have to get any judgement or reaction back. It makes such a difference to their healing and their lives.