Sunday, 10 April 2016

So whats the deal with Threesomes?

Lets all take a knee, its story time.

I
have been asked to write this post a few times but have always turned
it down because I do not have the proper worldly experience to comment
on it and we all know that I like to write from personal experience. But
I think maybe now is the time... lets talk about sex baby, lets talk
about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things
and inviting my friend along to join in the fun. I have long commented
on the fact that I thought that my friends claims were bogus that
threesomes were pretty common, but on doing some market research the
other night I realised that he might actually be on to something...

In
a crowded bar, I did a quick whip around asking the question "Have you
ever engaged in a Threesome?" and the results actually shocked me, I
didn't get any girls admitting it (though in fairness we were hugely out
numbered by the boys) but I would say a good 1/4 of all of the boys
that were there had said that they had (and I actually believe them as
well). From what we found, they are generally done with a friend,
normally after a bit of booze. You are probably more likely to have had
one if you play football, admittedly, I don't
understand the link either but it seems that there is a direct
correlation. The most common type of threesome is the Boy-Girl-Boy
Combination and if you are under the age of 25, it is a little more
likely (I would like to blame this on the Internet pornography).

Prior
to these discussions the only threesome that I had ever heard about was
two friends of mine that had sex with the same guy at the same time,
they didn't interact at all, he just kind of poked one a bit and then
poked the other for a bit, in my head the whole situation was really
really awkward but it could have been romantic, I am not really sure.
Oh also there was that one time that my mate was about to bang two
sisters and then their parents came home, which may I add was probably
for the best.

Whilst we were in discussions I was asked for my view on them and why I hadn't had one and from my answers, I got told that I over think things and they were totally 100% right, so here are the scenarios and the over thoughts that I have had in relation to them

Boy - Girl - Boy -

How do you decide who goes where?

Do you take turns and then do the swap?

Is that not considered double dipping and isn't that generally frowned upon at dinner parties?

Do they get shy about their junk compared to their mates junk?

What if one blows on the other one? (this is a true story, it happened to a friend of mine)

What if I am actually only attracted to one of them?

I
am not very good at multitasking, seems like there is a whole heap of
multitasking involved. One guy is always going to get the raw end of the
deal. I just want things to be fair.

Girl - Boy - Girl

How much interaction do I have with her and what does he do while this is happening?

What if I am scared of vagina and cant touch it?

If she goes down on me, do I have to go down on her?

What
about diseases? She can have her turn on the fun stick and then when
its my turn is it weird to change the condom (because really that's important)

What if it turns out that I am more in to her than him? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

A
few years ago I met a girl at a Hens Day, her name was Stacey and we
hit it off straight away, we swapped numbers to tee up a time to catch
up later (as you do with people that you think are rad), well you can
imagine my surprise when a few days later she messaged me to ask if I
would like to be in a threesome with her and her new boyfriend.... I
will admit that I considered it, because why not (I also patted a horse
the day that this message came through so I was on a roll with
conquering things that terrified me). Long story short, it never
actually ended up happening because it was too planned, I was going to
meet them together to see if I got along with the guy, there were a heap
of rules (which I believe are totally warranted in this situation) and
she was doing it in the hope to keep the boyfriend interested. Turned
out the Guy was a fuck wit and they ended up breaking up because she
wasn't able to organise one quick enough... but since this its not
really came across my radar again.

On further contemplation, I think for me to engage in a threesome it would have to be a spare of
the moment decision. You know when you are at a restaurant and the
waiter has come to take your order and you haven't really decided what
you are going to eat yet but you make a snap decision under pressure
and you end up eating something delicious? yeah I think that's
how it
would have to be. I guess my friend Safety Sam said it best "If I wanted
to disappoint two people at once, I would have lunch with my parents"

Love and Eiffel Towering

Miss K

P.S Thanks to the couple of guys that approached me about being in their threesome after my Facebook post. I am flattered and you did a little thing for my confidence, but please see above note, menu, waiter, etc etc.