A self-help blog from Molly Merson, Berkeley Therapist. Informed by psychoanalytic, intersubjective, social justice, and relational theories about human experiences, relationships, and the ways we move through the world. Topics include racism, depression, eating disorders, body image, growing up, anxiety, inner critic, and grief and loss. Reading this blog does not imply a therapeutic relationship with me.

Another day in America. Another massacre. 27 worshippers at the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas were gunned down by a white man during Sunday service. This on the heels of so many mass shootings in our country, and so very little actionable response on the part of our policy leaders and governance. It is frustrating, heartbreaking, and if you’re feeling helpless and despairing right now, you wouldn’t be the only one. It feels like we are all being forced to reckon with this chaotic, terrible violence that is so difficult to understand.

My heart is with the people who have survived the shooting, and who knew and loved those affected. Since I have the luck to have not been directly affected, what I can offer is an opportunity to think about what is happening in our country when it comes to guns, mass shootings, violence, and white men.

It's easy to believe that women are the only people who have eating disorders and body image issues. But, men are just as susceptible to explicit and implicit messages about their bodies as women. Making someone feel badly about their body has a lot to do with insecurity, especially around loss of power and control. While there are social and political structures in place that give male power more currency, men are just as susceptible as women to being manipulated by toxic messages about their bodies and their power.

My colleague Lily Sloane, MFT has an excellent podcast called "A Therapist Walks Into A Bar." Her episodes about relationships, racism, sex, and addiction are helping to demystify therapy, and expanding the conversation about why we do what we do. In her most recent episode, "Beneath The Dome," Lily explores the culture of shame around male balding. She kindly asked me to contribute my opinion about loss. Yes, I was stoked. (Listen here on Soundcloud)