7 Burning Questions I Have After Alex Rodriguez’s Birth Control-Gate

As if you needed another reason to be in Alex Rodriguez’s corner, his first FS1 broadcast kicked off with quite the conundrum. A picture of his pre-game notes captured a deep-in-thought A-Rod pondering what appears to be some birth control options.

He’s got choices. Birth control, have the baby, or do some pull out stuff. All standard options, for sure. But I’ve got some burning questions that need to be addressed, and because my brain is otherwise occupied trying to do the math on how much money would be left in my checking account if I bought every single RompHIM style, I could use some help.

1) Can Jennifer Lopez still get pregnant? J-Lo is 47. This is an important question. On the one hand, A-Rod would be an awesome dad. On the other, don’t 47 year old women have trouble getting pregnant? If I’m Rodriguez, “have the baby” shouldn’t be an option to consider before you even knock up a pre-menopausal sex symbol.

2) Where were condoms on the list? Sure, have to resp2ct A-Rod for not even listing condoms. BUT, as a fan of performance enhancers, you’d think he’d be into condoms. You last longer, you can get the studded or ribber options for her pleasure. You can spin condoms into a performance enhancing piece of equipment, so I’m a little shocked A-Rod isn’t trying to leverage them.

3) I’m absolutely flabbergasted that he’s pro life. My list is starts and ends with “abortion.” I go well beyond pro-choice, to the realm of “pro-abortion.” Get those fetal aliens the fuck away from me.

4) What do the other notes in his notebook say? Are the rest of them just baseball-related notes? This seems like a free portal inside A-Rod’s brain and I need a little ship a la Fantastic Voyage to take a trip into his noodle, and we’ve been blessed with his notebook. Can someone enhance the image like they would in an episode of CSI and report back with his other notes?

5) Why did he have to write this shit down? How hard is it to remember what you’re birth control options are? He’s 41, I feel like he’s been through this before. This looks like a list you’d put up on the board in fifth grade health class.

6) Where can I snag a pair of those sunglasses? They’re pure heat.

7) Did he wear his headphone off-ear all game like a DJ? Love that move.