June 2016 Babies

Says he needs space

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Linda-Peter wrote:

So me and my husband have been together 17 yrs and married 14. Recently he told me he's leaving cause he needs space. This has came out of no where. Sure we argue here and there but that's normal. I have been struggling with PPD and have not seeked any help. So I can't of been clinging to my husband to feel some support. We apparently I am up how A** all day and he can't deal with it at the moment. I know I have changed from the PPD but we both work and don't see each other much so of course I want some time with him. I just feel so abandoned and I am trying to be strong for our 4 girls. It's just so hard cause our 1 yr old is so attached to daddy and since Friday when he left she cries a lot. I do have a dr appointment tomorrow for the PPD cause I feel like I have no control over it any more. I just feel so down and on my own at the moment. Sorry ladies I just had to get it out. Thanks

Cause he says I am up his A** all the time. Also that I always give him S*** of stuff. But I admit I do give him S*** cause he drinks a lot more lately and when he did while here he would get very moody towards me

This just doesn't make sense to me. 17 years together and he's just leaving like it's nothing?? I feel like something else might be going on. It just doesn't sound like a good reason to leave your wife and 4 daughters. Regardless of what the case may be, a million hugs to you. I can't even imagine the pain you're going through.

If you two both work and have that time apart and he suddenly wants to be separated that seems suspect to me. I'm not trying to put a bug in your ear but 17 years together sure seems like you guys have learned to deal with one another moodiness and likely ppd wouldn't suddenly ruin. I would try and see if there is something else going on. Continue to suggest the counseling and get yourself some help too. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Please keep us updated!

that really is unfair to you, especially with 4 little ones. counseling will help, im sure! but he really should help with the kids. space from you is one thing, he still has a responsibility to the children that he just cant leave behind. being a parent does not work that way.

hope everything works out for you. crossing fingers all the way from South Africa!

I am so sorry youre going through this. Personally, I dont understand how a wife can be "clingy" to her husband, marriage is supposed to be supporting each other. How can he be asking for space if you have 4 children together? How about your space? You guys need to be helping each other and not pulling one down. There might be underlying reason why he is asking for space, marriage counseling is definitely a good thing to do. But do you also consider that maybe he's cheating on you?

Whatever the cause is, please make sure you get the help that you need. Taking care of 4 kids is going to be tough but you can do it! Definitely seek counseling and/or medical help so that you will be as strong emotionally as possible for those kiddos.

I am so immensely sorry this is happening to you. I don't even think you should concern yourself with suspicions, it will make you go mental and right now you need what mental strength you have left to sort yourself and your daughters out.

First is your doctor, so that was a good call. There are really good mood stabilizing medications right now that are for circumstantial depression/anxiety and not only for clinical, chronic depression.

If he has left for good - then don't waste any time trying to convince him to stay. It doesn't sound like he will be of any support to you and may make you feel more desperate and confused. If he has a bit of a drinking problem, then it is a good idea for you to have that space from him, too. Someone with a drinking problem who is ready to leave the family unit just like that is not going to be helpful or supportive as he is already demonstrating by insulting you and making you feel badly for needing him for comfort and support. He will bring you down to places that will feel impossible to get out of emotionally.

My thought is that you resign yourself to his need for space and just move forward boldly from there. Get some help to clear your head so you can focus on your babies and yourself. Then, do you have family help? A parent, sibling, or close friend who can help you?

If by "space" he means something temporary while he figures out what he wants then I would request that if/when he decides to return to the family that you both seek counseling and treatment for him if he is still struggling with his drinking. I'd make that a requirement to return.

You can do this. Mothers have had to face such tremendous obstacles throughout history and all on our own. So, you got this. Keep your head up and focused and when the babies are in bed have your cry. Big, huge, disgusting, snotty cries. It's also important to let yourself feel scared and hurt; honour that, don't fight it. But, also be strong and find support.

We're all here for you and cheering you on. Good luck, keep your head up!

I totally agree with the fact there must be set conditions in place in order for him to return. Walking out on a wife and 4 kids is pretty selfish if he doesn't arrange for some help - whether financial or physical in some form - for you. Please don't give him a revolving door he can simply leave and come back through whenever he pleases while you are left holding down the fort.

I am glad you are planning to go to see a doctor and please consider counseling as I think that is exactly what you will need right now. If you have family and friends, please ask for help or take them up on whatever help they offer to you.

I am very sorry that you are going thru this. Know that you are not alone! I am very happy you are going to the doctor. I have to say that I agree with the others that it seems there is more to the story on his end (a men does not leave when a women is going thru what you are going thru especially with kids) Give him his space and work on yourself. you need to take care of your girls! You got this!

I'm so sorry that you are going through this ans I am glad that you are getting the help you need. I do hope that by space he means space from marriage to think and not abandon his responsibilities as a father.Please don't take offense to what i'm going to say, it can be hard when you have depression but it is also very hard for the people around it. I speak as both, I had post patrum depression and my husband has severe depression along with anxiety. I knew before getting too serious that he waa suffering and I was the only one that knew. It was really hard and scary. I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him and he would get moody and we would argue a lot. He was clingy but that didn't bother me. I'm not excusing your husbands behavior all i'm saying is that I hope you don't automatically think he is cheating if there is no proof. I'm aslo trying to give you a differeng point of view as I have been in your husbands shoes. I would never leave my husband but I feel as girls we are more sensitive and we have more compassion. It is really hard when someone you love is depressed and does not want to seek help, it feels like you are falling deeper and deeper into a painful hole. My husband decided to get help after dealibg with it for 7 years and it has made us stronger. I think that you should talk to your husband, ask him straight up what is in your mind. If you think there is another reason for him leaving ask him, there is no point in wondering you are only hurting yourself by not knowing. Like I said, I am not excusing his behavior and i'm sorry that this happened to you. I hope he still helps financially and as a father. Take care of yourself, if possible get someone you trust to watch your LO for a couple of hours and do somethibf thag YOU love even if its an hr or 2 it can make a difference.

Thanks for your advise. It was very good. I went to the drs and I do indeed have severe depression. He has put me on two meds and I have to start counciling. He has came to see the girls. And I try to talk to him and I think I make it worst. So when he comes I am not gonna bother him and let him enjoy his time with the girls. I did ask if there was someone else and he said he would never let some female get in between his family

Ok everyone thanks for all your support. I officially decided to start my meds today and I am gonna start working on myself. I have such wonderful daughters and they need their mommy 100%. I am working on finding the counciling just waiting on my insurance to approve ( fingers crossed). Their dad comes daily so check on the girls and I decided to let them enjoy their daddy time. I just let them be. This isn't easy and I am gonna take it one step at a time. I do have a good support group of people behind me. My sister in law moved in with me and is on my side thank God. My sister in behind as well. I also have a neighbor that has been like a second mom that has done nothing but check on me and helped me with the girls. She took me to breakfast and it felt good to get out. Just keep me on your prayers cause GOD is good and he will carry me through this

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