Friday, 11 July 2008

Well its been a while again since my last post. Had an accident involving coffee and my laptop so im struggling to get online as much. At the moment im relying on the use of a friends laptop now and and then but hopefully i will have my new one some time next week.

It has been a hectic few weeks with the schools breaking for the summer holidays. My 3 nephews have pretty much became a permanent fixtue around here. Its great to see them but always tiring and i have lost count of the amount of spillages, breaks, snotty noses etc.

The Occupational therapist has been out again and it was another session mostly talking. The next time she is here we will be going out walking. In a bid to prepare myself for this i have started walking everynight. The first night i was nervous. This is mostly because im trying to break bad habits. One of these habits is that i usually dont go out at night at all, apart from a walk to the ice cream van. Now though i am trying to go walking and taking it further and further each time. The distance i can travel from my home is still extremely limited. The first night i was nervous simply walking around the block.. but i am slowly pushing the boundaries. At the rate which i am going it will be a year before i leave my town haha. Who cares though, as long as im workin on it and building my confidence. It is still very frustrating though. One day i can be out all day, walking with no anxiety and really enjoying myself. And the next day i am struggling to go outside at all. I dont let it get me down though. I know this comes and goes and the important thing is to make the most of those good days. I am also finding it hard to push the boundaries. I can go a walk and my friend will urge me to walk a little further. I can stand there and look at the target, for example a lamppost, but i cant physically make myself go any further! Again there is only one word for this... frustrating. I could think of many other words but they are too explicit! ****!!!

I will continue though. I know in the end the result will be so much worth it. An exercise i done recently was to write the pro's and the con's of staying home all the time... and then to write the pro's and con's of going out. Obviously going out wins everytime, but it was interesting to see my reasons for staying in... I can be lazy, I dont need to get dressed if i dont want to, how ridiculous!!!!

Anyway hopefully i should be on more when new laptops arrives. Its all being taken care of by the insurance compant and to be honest its taking waaaay tooooo long! I hope everyone is keeping well and i hope you are getting better weather than we are here in Scotland. I just checked the forecast though and its to be a nice hot weekend so i will be sunbathing every hour possible.... in a kid free zone. Yey! Untill next time... bye xxx

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About Me

At 35 years old i have been dealing with Panic attacks and Agoraphobia for 15 years. It's has been tough but i have dedided to write in detail what i've gone through and how i've coped. I hope that it can help others who are in my situation or the loved ones of people dealing with the same kind of problems.
To anyone who reads this blog feel free to leave me a comment.