Ugh... this is terrible. It would take much too long to give critism, but I do not want you to take this as a "flame."

Just work harder at writing in a normal tone, instead of script form. Try using paragraphs, for example. Have you read a novel; take the format of that and attempt and honing your skills towards the likes of that.

One thing I am curious about, although, is why Link says, yes, to Navi in French. Hyrule is an alternate universe, with different races and a different language. Why, oh why, did you find it to be a good idea to include him speaking a language Hylians shouldn't know exsist!

Signed,

Calista-Cousland

coti dahl chapter 1 . 3/23/2006

i think the storie is great and i totaly want more if you would plz

Hannah Sievers chapter 1 . 9/3/2005

dat was good! write more! Cliffie!

Chaos Lord chapter 1 . 5/16/2004

Its called proper english
In the immortal words of Tingle
"Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah"

Crystal chapter 1 . 4/12/2004

zelda has blue eyes

kristi chapter 1 . 10/6/2002

THAT WAS WEIRD. ANYWAY IT TENDS TO GRAB YOU SO WHAT HAPPENS TO ZELDA

joahua chapter 1 . 10/5/2001

MORE,MORE,MORE!

linkkills chapter 1 . 1/2/2001

:]

Seifer Almasy chapter 1 . 7/2/2000

Make Zelda die!

tears of the dead chapter 1 . 6/25/2000

this is very good but i want to hear the rest

Christi chapter 1 . 5/20/2000

Punctuation check please.

StarDragon chapter 1 . 4/25/2000

Try not to write in play format. That format reeks and doesn't let you write to your full potential.

Shannon chapter 1 . 4/22/2000

That was a little wierd. Here's why, okay, forst off, it's in script form... and that is irritating. And one minute the king hates Link and the next he could care less. Kinda wierd ending too, if ya ask me. Are you gonna write a sequel or leave it?

DarkLink chapter 1 . 4/20/2000

What happened to Zelda?write a sequel!

mergirl chapter 1 . 4/18/2000

yikes. that was really weird. like, the way you say things. it sounded- let's just say different.