PLEASE HAMMER, HELP SIGN ‘EM

Don’t think for a second that Braylon Edwards was going to steal all the headlines today when it comes to the actions of borderline-retarded NFL wide receivers. Praise be to Jeebus, Michael Crabtree has ended his holdout, signing a six-year deal with the San Francisco 49ers.

The sides have been at odds over contract terms for months. Crabtree, the phenom from Texas Tech, had previously stated that he felt he deserved more money than the 49ers were willing to offer him as the No. 10 pick in the 2009 NFL Draft and was willing to sit out the entire season and re-enter the draft next year if he had to.

But the 49ers – and perhaps even Crabtree’s inner circle – were not aware that the star power alone of one man could bring these two warring factions back to the table to “hammer” out a deal, so to speak.

That man, you ask? MC Hammer.

That meeting finally happened Tuesday at an undisclosed spot in the Bay Area away from the team’s Santa Clara headquarters. Crabtree and Parker were joined by York, vice president of football operations Paraag Marathe and general manager Scot McCloughan. Hammer, a friend of Parker and Parker client Deion Sanders, was a participant to some degree at the hotel where negotiations took place. via.

For accuracy’s sake, it’s just Hammer now, not MC Hammer. He is not allowed to use the “MC” anymore now that he isn’t in the MC business any longer. Evidently, the MC’s Alliance is as dedicated at keeping tabs on its members and as ruthless in controlling them as The Alliance of Magicians.