Wednesday, July 9, 2014

The Password Game

I
truly despise hackers and cyber-thieves. I know from personal experience what
happens when someone steals your identity. Our phone number got very popular
with financial institutions a few years ago. Both Banko del Blanco Cheque in Albuquerque and Yallur-Kiddenme
Loans in Georgia wanted to confirm my application for credit cards. Wurry and
Lyttle Trust in Tennessee wanted to ask about a cash loan application. Hanover/deCache
Loans in South Carolina needed more information about the car I would be
financing through them. Gonfer-Goode Credit Union wanted to know when I would
start paying back the $3,000 line of credit loan I had taken out.

It’s
not just that hackers and cyber-thieves will wreak havoc on your life, or steal
in your name until your credit card balance resembles the national debt. No,
their nefarious doings result in something even worse: the need for passwords.The
several months it took to iron out the stolen identity thing provided ample
opportunity to speak with numerous cyber-security experts and learn a thing, or
two.

“Her
real maiden name? You know how easy
that is to find? Wise up, dude.”Sorry,
Mom, but I had to change your maiden name to Bphlutznik.

Of
course, something as simple and easy to remember as your date of birth, no
matter how you mix up the numbers, is a definite no-no in the password world.
Every security expert in the world has “no birth dates” as their mantra. (I
wonder if hackers have finally given up weaseling in that way, and since nobody
uses dates of birth anymore, if using my date of birth would be safe. You
probably have, too. If you give it a try, let me know how it works out.) In lieu of the easy way the experts offer
great advice to building safe passwords.“Your
password has to be something totally unrelated to anything. It needs to be at
least eight characters long. Use numbers and
letters. Mix them up and use both upper and lower case.”

“But
how will I know if my password is good enough?”“Simple:
if you make lots of new friends at collection agencies, your password was a
dud.”

Ultimately,
the first rule in making good passwords is they must be so complicated and
obscure that nobody will ever be able to figure them out. The second rule
regarding good passwords is that you won’t be able to remember them. The third
rule of passwords is never write them down. Anywhere.
Those web sites, such as Lumosity, that offer mental games to improve brain
function and memory have nothing over just trying to keep all the passwords in
your life straight. For awhile I tried a little mind strengthening and
meditation for half an hour every morning.

“Ommm…
what is the password for my savings account? Ommm… what is the password for my Kindle
account? Ommm… what is the password for my Gilbert’s Big & Tall Online
account? Ommm… what is the password for…”

I
couldn’t remember any of them, but I did achieve a higher plane of existence
where I came up with a solution to the password problem. I call it the “Forget
Password” solution. Whenever I need to log into something I just click on the “Forget
password?” button. In nothing flat my password, or the option of creating a new
one to forget, is in my mailbox. It works like a charm, but I think my brain is
getting a little flabby.