Wondering why the Pittsburgh Steelers have won 16 of their past 17 games against the Cleveland Browns? The Steelers give their fans "Terrible Towels.'' The Browns give their fans white flags. Next question?Dave Martin, Associated Press

The Browns and Ticketmaster have put their heads together -- or not -- to give fans attending Sunday's game against Pittsburgh white inflatable flags to wave.

There is an orange helmet on the flag and the name "Cleveland Browns," presumably to clear up any confusion over which side has customarily given up hope of going home with a win.

The Browns have lost 16 of 17 to the Steelers.

So this isn't the most questionable promotional idea you can imagine. Losing 17 of 17 would make it that.

I don't want to say the Browns and Ticketmaster aren't thinking things through here.

But just in case the Browns are not up on their battle symbolism, somebody warn them that if the Steelers offer the gift of a Trojan horse, chances are Ben Roethlisberger and Troy Polamalu are going to spill out of it and do some damage.

Most of the wackiest sports promotions in history are intentionally designed to amuse the fans in attendance, provide pleasure even.

Some go horribly wrong from there as we learned from "Ten Cent Beer Night" and "Disco Demolition Night."

Others in that category:

"Ball Day" -- The Dodgers handed out souvenir baseballs to their fans in August 1995. That game ended in a rare forfeit after an argument between Dodgers players and umpires became so heated fans threw hundreds of baseballs on the field.

"Derek Lowe Poster Night" -- Lowe, the Red Sox closer at the time, entered the game with a three-run lead in the ninth and melted down. He gave up five runs.

Fans littered the field with his posters and the game had to be stopped. Outside Fenway, Lowe contends, he saw fans feeding his posters into a bonfire.

That can happen. But it takes a special promotion to alienate fans from the beginning. Inflatable white flags take a deserving spot in that lineup:

"Pre-Planned Funeral Night" -- The Hagerstown Suns brought their fans to the ballpark thinking about their own mortality and sent one lucky? fan home with a $6,500 funeral completely paid for. A depressing time was had by all.

"Salute to Indoor Plumbing Night" -- The idea behind the West Virginia Power promotion was to shut down all the stadium rest room facilities and have fans use portable toilets so they'd go home with a better appreciation of modern conveniences. The board of health nixed it.

"Nobody Night" -- The Charleston Riverdogs locked paying customers out for the first five innings so they could make history with a game played in front of -- you guessed it -- no one. What a deal.

But let's not be too hard on the folks in Berea, who were obviously trying to come up with an answer to the Terrible Towel.

It's not as if Roberto Duran will walk to midfield as honorary captain Sunday, flip the coin and declare "No mas" if the Browns lose the toss.

When asked, I believe he was unavailable.

What's behind Door No. 3?

Be careful what you're thankful about in Cleveland sports. There's always a catch.

Ben Roethlisberger is out for Sunday's game.

So the Steelers are down to their third quarterback.

The catch? Charlie Batch suits their offense better than No. 2 quarterback Byron Leftwich, last seen throwing passes with all the touch of Zeus firing thunderbolts.

Batch is 5-2 as a starter in place of Roethlisberger, though he hasn't thrown a pass in a real game in 2012.

Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin, who doesn't exactly have a deft touch in handling quarterbacks, let Leftwich play last time out with damaged ribs. He chose not to use Batch.

The Steelers are running a shorter passing offense, ostensibly meant to keep Roethlisberger healthier this season. Batch doesn't have a strong arm but has shown a nice touch and the ability to slide around in the pocket.

"We know Batch from years previous," Pat Shurmur said this week. "I think when veteran quarterbacks come in they tend to do well."

More evidence the NFL has no idea what it's doing in policing its own game.

Here's one easy rule to help clear things up. Until James Harrison serves a one-game suspension, nobody else can.

Another reason to be thankful for Cleveland sports in 2012. Not much post-game traffic.

Of Big Ten expansion, Gene Smith said, "It raises all ships."

Conference realignment is such a money grab, he meant pirate ships loaded with treasure.

The University of Miami self-imposed a bowl ban for this season.

But, hey, who will ever forget OSU's performance in last year's Whateveritwas Bowl.

Rutgers is giving up more than people think in leaving for the Big Ten, but hopefully someday it will find a way to replace traditional Big East geographical rivals like Boise State and San Diego State.

How many decades before Buckeye fans -- full of the kind of intensity only a bitter rival can trigger -- start sneering about "That School Up in North Jersey?"

Comes word from makeNFLplayoffs.com that the Browns can no longer win the division.

As for that Browns-make-the-playoffs wishbone pull today, it has a 0.04 chance of going your way.

Note to Browns players: Sunday, when Plaxico Burresssays "party at my house in December," don't take the bait.

He tweeted it

"Browns-Cowboys going into overtime is the equivalent of all-you-can-eat at Golden Corral" -- Eric Stangel, writer and producer for "Late Show With David Letterman."

Bud: Did the Browns rename the cornerback position and call it piggyback? -- Larry Rose, Diamond

Just because Plaxico Burress is offering 50 percent off Cedar Point prices for all rides Sunday at the stadium is no reason to jump to conclusions.

Bud: Is it true Mr. Lerner held out for slightly over $1 billion so he had enough money to afford a pair of Browns season tickets next year as well as parking and a hot dog for every game? -- Keith, Cleveland

No doubt prices will go up. As for your estimate, I checked with industry analysts and they don't believe it'll cover the hot dog.

Hey, Bud: Is it true the wacky design on the compression undershirt that Braxton Miller wears was inspired by the pattern of one of Terrell Pryor's tattoos? -- Geoff, Shaker

Asking me about anything related to fashion is like asking Tom Waits how to hit the high notes.

Hey Bud: With Holiday shopping in full gear, ever thought of publishing "The Best of Shaw's Spins." Or would that mean dealing with book signings, bodyguards and put you in a higher tax bracket? -- Doug, Westlake

Catsup, Mustard and Relish will co-author a tell-all before there's enough "Best of Spin" entries to attract a publisher.

Bud: Is there anything more reminiscent of Midwestern college football tradition than a cool autumn breeze coming off the banks of the Hudson? -- Dan, Akron

Not unless it's the Potomac.

Bud: After the impressive 2-8 start by the Browns, isn't it time for everyone to admit that the primary problem for the 2011 Browns was Colt McCoy? -- Dave Uible, Rocky River

First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.

Bud: Do you think all student-athletes who are joining a new conference are properly vetted? It is important to limit all unabashed money grabs, such as the selling of team memorabilia. -- Dan, Akron

Follow Us

cleveland.com is powered by Plain Dealer Publishing Co. and Northeast Ohio Media Group. All rights reserved (About Us).The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Northeast Ohio Media Group LLC.