Lady Doritos? The Hell You Say

PEPSICO HQ – Lady Doritos. No, it’s not the name of Kylie Jenner’s new baby. Or a new female lead on Game of Thrones. Or even the name of a stripper at your local gentleman’s club. It’s actually an idea rolling around in the head of the company’s CEO.

Since 1985, every known object contained on the planet has become racist, sexist, or whatever in one way or another. We don’t know how it happened. It just did. And according to the female CEO of the chip maker, chicks don’t like to crunch loudly when in public.

Lady Doritos are 15% more absorbent than regular Doritos.

Thus, the idea behind Lady Doritos. By the time it hits the market, the product may be called “Doritatas” to give it that female vibe and differentiate them from regular, boring Dude Doritos. The company can then launch a line of chips so every subset of our society can feel safe snacking:

Butch Doritos, for the lesbian snacker on the go. Soy Boy Doritos, for the progressive male. Alpha Male Doritos, made from seasoned shards of broken glass. Trannie ‘Ritos, with, you guessed it, no trans fat. Bandito Doritos, which would be illegal in this country, for the Dreamers living in the shadows out there.

But the product isn’t even needed in the first place. To wit, one astute observer on social media mentioned that he thought all Doritos were Lady Doritos from the start, since they’re already shaped like vajayjays.