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Football chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round

The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.

Nicknamed the Magic Roundabout, the ride will transform the damaged reputations of those with massive pay-offs persuaded to climb aboard for another ride. Previously rejected failures will become sought-after successes, the tactically naive will become motivational maestros, and those who have lost dressing rooms in the past will miraculously find their way again. And all it takes apparently is a bit of spinning.

Serial easy rider Harry Redknapp is the manager of Queens Park Rangers until either a play-off defeat, a disappointing start to the season or his discovery of yet another gullible chairman of a Club with more money than sense that he hasn’t ripped off previously. In a typically perceptive analysis, Redknapp said of the ride, ‘I’m sure it’ll have it’s ups and downs but what comes around, goes around.’

The Magic Roundabout replaces several previous models which have suffered various problems over the years. A succession of unsuitable riders have been unseated from the one in Tottenham, leading to huge expenditure on imported spare parts of questionable quality. Similarly, the one in Leeds was found to be performing a downward spiral at an ever-increasing rate.

League Managers’ Association chief executive Richard Bevan expressed his support for the project. ‘This is very exciting for our members,’ he said. ‘The owners’ investment will I’m sure bear untold riches and we should all be praising them to the Sky.’