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Hail storms sweep south

By Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Google Glass developers announced Thursday the glasses will be able to take photos with a wink of an eye. The photos and video you take with the eyeglasses go directly to the Internet. Bill Clinton has wished for the last time that he was 20 years younger.

The Weather Channel aired footage of huge hailstorms which swept from Oklahoma City to Georgia last weekend that pelted the region with golf ball-sized hail. It prompted dancing in the streets in some backwoods towns. They thought it was raining crystal meth.

President Obama flew to Mexico for meetings on trans-national issues Thursday. He hailed the success of U.S. businesses operating in Mexico. Last year in Mexico City over 100,000 people went to Borders thinking they’d found a short cut to Tucson.

“Downton Abbey” hired a black actor who’ll play a London jazz singer next season. PBS has built its viewer base with dramas about British aristocracy. It’s a little embarrassing for PBS that the Brooklyn Dodgers beat them to this casting decision by 67 years.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses sold one of their New York City empty lots for $30 million. They deserve it. Jehovah’s Witnesses are the hardest-working knockers in America now that the porn industry’s fled the country due to strict condom use ordinances.

National Geographic said Thursday the first English settlers in Jamestown may have resorted to cannibalism. That’s eerie. However, it would explain why Episcopalians in movie theaters across the South applauded at the wrong times during “Silence of the Lambs.”

Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts threatened to move the Cubs out of Wrigley Field if the city doesn’t let him have a 6,000-square-foot scoreboard. These are the Cubs. Don’t you need to score runs before you need a 6,000-square-foot scoreboard?

The Swiss Guard welcomed the retired Pope Benedict back to Vatican City on Thursday where he will live. They’ll have two popes in the same living quarters. Not since Neil Simon wrote “The Odd Couple” has there been a better premise for a Broadway comedy.

Washington Wizard Jason Collins became the first pro basketball player in history to come out of the closet and admit he is gay Monday. All around the country, sports fans were shocked. Nobody had any idea that the Washington Wizards play pro basketball.

Kim Jung Un announced he’ll build an amusement park in Pyongyang this year that incudes a replica of London’s Big Ben clock and the Eiffel Tower. He has a knack for business. He expects that the ride where you fly little planes into them could be very popular.

Boston cops arrested two illegal aliens from Kazakhstan for helping the Tsarnaevs cover up after the bombing. The Central Asian country is rich in oil and a hotbed of dissent. You don’t have to be a petroleum engineer to know that’s grounds for an invasion.

Swedish cops uncovered marijuana and a stun gun hidden inside Justin Bieber’s tour bus in Stockholm. It’s the same old story. Another 19-year-old kid has built up such a tolerance to pot that it requires a stun gun to give him the giggles and the munchies.