The Flying Pig: I see. You don’t understand. Okay everyone. Gather Around…Piggy is going to tell you a story. A story about the oppression of pants!

PIGGY’S STORY

The Flying Pig’s Pantless Voiceover: Once upon a time, not long ago, in a place very similar to this place, there was a pig named Killroy. He was a smart Piggy. His future was bright. Killroy Pig could have done anything he wanted when he graduated from the University of Michigan, but Killroy had to pay off his student loans, so Killroy Pig needed a job…

THE INTERVIEW

KILLROY PIG IS SITTING IN FRONT OF DESK IN A CHAIR. A HUMAN IS SITTING AT THE DESK READING HIS RESUME, WHILE KILLROY ANXIOUSLY WAITS FOR THE HUMAN TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM

Young Killroy Pig, eager to work

Boss Henning: I see you’re a Wolverine…

Killroy Pig: Um…I’m a pig

Boss Henning: Of course you are a pig (laughing) I meant your school

Killroy Pig: Oh (embarrassed) Yes, I am graduate of the University of Michigan

Boss Henning: That is great. Boss Bill loves Big Ten guys…Well look, you are more than qualified for the job. Your grades are excellent, you are a smart pig and you have a big arm, so how bout you start on Monday?

Killroy Pig: Monday! That is great. I will be here at 9:00 A.M. sharp! Weeeeeeeeeeee

Boss Henning: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee from me to you. Look one thing…Um…you have to wear pants…that won’t be a problem will it?

Killroy Pig: Pants? No, why would that be a problem? I love pants. Whatever the job requires! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Boss Henning: Let me take you around the office. This (pointing to his left) is the reception area. I am sure by now, you have met the receptionist Priscilla

Killroy Pig: Yes (waiving to Priscilla)

Priscilla the Hot Pig Receptionist: Nice meting you Killroy (winking)

Boss Henning: And this (opening the door into a large room) this is our conference room. And over here (moving into the main area of the office) these are the window offices. Everyone wants one! And this area right here…

Killroy Pig: Where is my window office?

Boss Henning: Oh…not so fast Killroy…Check down Killroy, check down. This is your cubicle (pointing to a small cubicle in front of him) right in front of my office, so you can come right away, when I need something

Boss Henning: Thanks Killroy. I want you to meet Chad. (introducing a man standing next to him) Chad is a veteran here. We really trust his judgment. Listen Killroy, we have a new project, and we are looking for someone to head the new project…

Killroy Pig: And you want me to head the new project? (excited)

Boss Henning: Whoa! Check down Killroy, check down. Chad is heading the new project. You can hold his clipboard.

Killroy Pig: oh…

Boss Henning Hey, I noticed you are walking a little stiff today. Are you okay?

Killroy Pig: My joints feel a little stiff

stiff joints

Boss Henning: Happens to all of us when we work so hard! Here take two of these (handing Killroy two small pills) By the way Killroy, nice pants!

Killroy Pig: Beep Beep…oops, I mean Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I am doing great. One thing is a little weird though Boss. You know this project I am heading. I happened to notice that it’s actually a robot manufacturing project

the “project”

Boss Henning: Yes…so?

Killroy Pig: Well, um, some of the robots, well they look like former employees here…is there something going on here I should know about.

Boss Henning: Yes, Killroy (maniacally laughing) Check down…Now, join the other robots in the assembly line. This is the rest of your life!

The Flying Pig’s Pantless Voiceover: And that was it! Killroy Pig became a robot

Psychic GPS: That is the dumbest story I ever heard. Did you just make that up?

Wedge: Maybe it was all the check downs that made him a robot

A “Great Pig”

The Flying Pig: No Wedge…I mean yes, it was the check downs. But it was the pants first! You see (whispering) Pants lead to check downs. Check downs make you turn into a robot, then you marry an ugly woman, have 2.2 piglets, that leads to a mortgage you can’t pay for, so you have to work harder, like a good robot and then Wedge, that leads to suffering! I won’t do it! When Killroy put on those pants, he spit on the great pigs before him and our noble traditions! We don’t wear pants. Look at these bojangles! I am not a robot! You hear me I am not a robot!