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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

In a way, I guess I shouldn't feel so undeserving of anything AA gives me and I shouldn't feel like I need to spend just as much money. But my mother is the reason I feel like I need to spend almost as much. The heart necklace cost over $200. So me spending about $150 isn't bad. AA got me something for Christmas too. I won't get it until Christmas so I have no clue what it is (although, I'm guessing more jewelry - it's like every guy's go-to gift for girls) or how much it cost. I told him not to spend much but I don't know if he listened or not. I would much rather he pay his fine (last I knew he had like $475 or something left) and get off of probation than spend money on me. I have a job (he doesn't as of yet - he is supposed to have a job once a building is finished in January) so I can buy my own things. His money should be spend on his fine before me. At least in my opinion. If I wanted to go and do something with him, we are stuck in Iowa unless he gets permission from his probation officer. Once his fine is paid he will most likely get off of probation and no longer be a felon. So then he can come to Illinois without having to get the ok from his baby-sitter. Because if he didn't get the ok, he would be going to prison and if I was driving him somewhere, I'd be going to jail or prison (not sure which) for transporting a fugitive. So that's part of the reason I wish he wouldn't buy me things.

I weighed 125 this morning. Today hasn't gone too well. I did manage to read blogs and comment on some and put away my clothes and get a little of my room cleaned, but I ate a lot more than I should have. And what sucks is my dad is on Christmas break. Technically, it's called "winter break" because it can't be called Christmas break because of religious reasons but whatever. Same thing. My dad's a high school science teacher if you were wondering. I didn't expect him to get done this early. I was thinking Thursday. Because when I was in school (I went to the school he teaches at) I never got out until Thursday if Christmas was on a Sunday or Monday. And that sucks because I can't weigh in and I'm limited on what I can do for exercising (I can't do things that will make a lot of noise and I have to stay in my room) and I can't spend forever deciding what to eat and looking at labels. But maybe it will motivate me to stay in my room most of the day and clean... I doubt it though. I have two of those neoprene waist reducer bands (I actually should have a 3rd somewhere but I couldn't find it so I bought a second and then I wanted another so I could cover from my ribs down to my hips so that's why I have 3) that I plan on sleeping in and maybe wearing while cleaning and whatever. Depends on what clothes I wear. If I can find an outfit that can hide them, I'll wear them almost all day probably. If I can't, then I'll just wear them to bed. I'm hoping I can actually get a decent amount of cleaning and exercising done tomorrow though.

People

E - my daughter

K - friend, girl I work with at K-Mart

AA - friend, I've known him since I was 15, I like him and he likes me, lives about 2 1/2 hours away, not too sure what to say about him... he's gotten into some trouble with the law, currently on probation, he's funny and sweet, I trust him more than anyone

J - friend/ex-boyfriend, I've known him since I was 16, he's the nerdy, geeky type and in the Marines he like Star Wars and video games but he is funny and likes the same kind of music as me for the most part (rock, metal, techno) I never should have dated him when I did and he has agreed with me on that

D - husband, I haven't even known him 1 year, I want to divorce him but I can't afford to right now and it's kind of complicated

N - friend, I don't talk to her too much because her college friends and her boyfriend are more important, I've known her since we were in 3rd grade

T- sister, she's 1 1/2 years older than me she pretty much lives with her boyfriend and I don't talk to her much or even see her much and therefore don't talk about her too much and when I do I just refer to her as my sister

M - guy I met on my birthday, he's a drug dealer and college student and he's 24 and refuses to deal drugs to me and wants to hook up with me