I think it is now late enough for me to have sorted through some of my Berlin feelings, and hopefully not late enough to have forgotten them. There are a lot of things I'd like to talk about-but some may be too
boring and some too personal, so I'll just try to pick a few moments that impressed me and were closer to the collective experience, too.

Thursday evening, Stresseman cafe, Friedman singing. I don't think I ever saw someone to practically shine with happiness the way he did then; but I also never saw such an audience, sitting on the floor, or on crowded chairs, forgetting the discomfort and forgetting all the talks that had taken place until then, all united in their silence and in the same feeling... It's there where I knew that I belonged, as I never did before. I don't know where Friedman is now, but I thank him for sharing his happiness with
us.

Friday evening concert. I must admit, things have been really good to me up to that point-meeting people, talking with them, being treated a lot nicer than I expected, I was finally getting more relaxed (it's usually very hard for me to talk with people-and in english!); but it was the friday concert that really broke through all of my defences, cut me open, made me
accept everything and to want to embrace everyone. I don't know what it was, maybe because of sharing it with so many people, maybe because of the place (drinking and singing about love-making in a church! you'd never get that here), or, maybe and more especially because of the music itself. I didn't know Cohen songs can give such a variety of feelings-from wanting to run for my lover and bring him really close when the german band sang Dance me... , to sweet ironical bitterness on Zachary's "there's no reason why you should remember me" (really great choice of songs, too; more out of the "mainstream"; and did it seem to me like he was almost crying at some moment?), to feeling feeling close to screaming when Laura Facci turned Lover, lover into a hurtingly intense prayer
and close to crying at Jan Erik's Hallelujah... Besides the singers being really good, I think even more important was that they were TRUE; I can't say how, but I knew that Cohen was as important for them as he is for me (with the only minor difference that they are able to sing!) I honestly came out of there not knowing who or where I was-and partially not even knowing how to speak anymore, as people around me can testify! But I think I was able then to feel and notice a lot more things around me than I did before-the world just suddenly seemed a new place.

Saturday evening. I really liked Chris and Carla (oh yeah, give me sad and heart-ripping songs all the time! Btw, where is the recording of what they sang?!) even if maybe they didn't have the same overwhelming effect as Cohen songs do. But even more I liked taking a peak at their talk with Henning in Stresseman cafe and then finally daring to mix in a bit-I just couldn't believe they were real people, and talking with me, and being so nice and welcoming (ok, Carla a bit nicer, Chris a bit too handsome and too... charming for my taste, but great on the total anyway)

Each evening. All those people that sang in the cafes, all the talking... I wish I could remember you all. I am sorry my memories are kind of sonfused about that; at some moments, I surprised myself singing together with the singers, knowing the words, but not even remembering what song they came from; it had all turned into some sort of hypnotical experience, above the usual control of the mind. I think we made a net between us, from person to person, in those nights; a net out of each spoken or sang word; a net in many colours, gold for joy and dark for sadness (but I think more into the gold side. Did anyone say Cohen fans are depressing?! He must not have listened to the 3 am love dancing in Ibis cafe-and pretty loud dancing, too! I tried to leave and I couldn't-so I listened to it from across the street for a while). A net that became stronger and stronger each evening. A net that mended or at least wrapped in my heart those cracks that Cohen songs made; and maybe made a few new ones, too. We are far from each other now and I feel that the threads of that net are thinning away, getting worn by every day
life concerns or by the little fights between us; I can only hope some of them will remain.

Monday morning. Good byes, good byes, good byes... I was ok, actually, until I saw little Suzanne with tears in her eyes, and then all the good byes came falling down on me, too.

After the Event. First night, I talked in my sleep. I suspect it was in english too. So much talking had happened there, and still it was just a little fragment of all that I wanted to say or ask! Next nights, and next days, I just slept and slept and didn't think of much; but with coming back to normal life, there is always the sadness of not being able to keep those special feelings; there is again the worry about what I might have said or did wrong in Berlin (first time in my life, I never worried about that while I was there; but now, I have to apologise to everyone I might have hurt without wanting to), there are just ordinary days... And sometimes, like today, a little bit of writing, trying to get back what is gone.

Good bye again to you all now, my friends. Not all that I had to say, maybe I will try another time, but sometimes memories are just hard. I hope you can join me in some memories-a different pair of eyes always sees things differently, and I wish to know what others saw.

Laura

Last edited by Laura on Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

the number of replies is not the measure for the quality of a post and posting here is not a matter of quality at all but to transport informations and emotions. I really liked what you wrote about Berlin and I wish you hadn't removed it. The way you know how to write in a foreign language is very impressive and your observations are precise.

Dear Laura,
I agree with Henning and I am glad to have read your account before you removed it.There are many people who use this forum who are unable to attend the events from choice or circumstances,myself included. So information from those who did attend is informative and entertaining, despite making me green with envy!
In my opinion your account was poignant, evocative and heartfelt.
Thankyou for posting it.

I thought your report was great and I'm amazed that you chose to remove it. Getting replies isn't the point when you're relating what your own experiences were. I'll be continuing mine as soon as I'm able, but I won't remove them if they don't receive replies. I enjoyed your commentary and I know others did, too. I hope you still have what you wrote in Word or somewhere else, and can put it back. Henning is right that you're able to express yourself in English very very well, so I hope you won't continue feeling discouraged, and will just put it all back. An edited line that'll be well worth it.

As one who never made it to Berlin, I really enjoyed reading your account, and was looking forward to the next installment. I hope you can recover it from the depths of your computer and continue with your memories here.

1. Post is back. I really wanted to do some improving on it, it just didn't feel "right" enough in some places, but just starting on a new job means not much time for posting... or for anything else.
2. A post is, indeed, a trip into your own heart and a way to clarify your thoughts (I stopped keeping a journal when I started writing e-mails). But it's also public, it's meant to be read, so of course it hurts if it doesn't get any response. I was almost thinking I'll reach some kind of record in this forum: " the scariest post of all times!" It was also sad for me, and still is, the way time goes and good memories just get... buried. Bye bye Berlin, so fast? I don't agree with that.
3. No one noticed but removing it was a joke, a kind of a tongue-in-cheek thing... I wanted to see if a no-post gets more replies than a long post; which it did!
4. I work with computers every day, so I learned long ago to keep back-ups, don't worry (or were you secretely hoping that I might have lost it, Lizzy?)

Good times and memories only get buried if we let them, Laura.
Where i live we have a saying that goes:"You can take every thing from me, but never my dreams and memories".To be able to have memories
is one of our greatest gifts Laura and i hope you recall your memories from Berlin often and never burie them girl.

Phil,who never had a chance to get to Berlin and had to work in my
holyday.