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Author
Topic: I will no longer bother any of you (Read 6379 times)

Yes I'm having a bad time. I've lost my partner and family and now I have a manager who thinks employees should work 12 hour days and I'm being attacked by some homophobes at work. But, per HR, I have to deal with it and put up with side affect's of meds every day.

wow. I hope you're just having a bad night. I've read through quite a few of your threads where quite a lot of people cared and responded. Plus you do realize that posting in the LTS forum means you cut off a lot of people from being able to respond, right? While there are a fair numbers of LTSs around here, there really aren't many; but there are a whole lot of people over there in the "living with" forum.

Personally, I think you should just ignore those louts at work and not let them get to you. I also think you need to bone up on federal labor laws so that you can explain to your boss why you won't be working 12 hrs a day.

I would imagine that no one responded to your bday thread because a) that's 7 months away and b) it sounded very weird. I was actually kinda afraid to ask to why a 61 year old man never celebrated his bday. I spent my 34th AND my 36th birthdays in the hospital being told by my doctors that I was about to die of AIDS. Since that didn't happen I've been very glad to get older each bday cause it meant I wasn't in the ground. LOL And so when year #38 rolled around and no one got me a bday cake - well I went out, got myself one and invited my friends over anyway. that that trick worked too. The next year I ended up with 8 cakes cause everyone wanted to make sure they didn't forget my bday again.

as I often tell people, and I should know with the crap I've gone through, there's only one thing that you can't fix in your life and that's death. Everything else can be fixed, or at least made better, but it takes work and patience. Sometimes a lot of hard work, and sometimes the patience of Job.

To be honest, you should be coming here for ideas and moral support (not telling us off with passive-aggressive comments) and then going back to your real life and putting in the time and effort to change those things you don't like so much. Move to a new city, get a new job, find new friends. There are hundreds of options for you to employ to change the situation you find yourself in.

How do I know what I'm talking about? I outlived nearly dying twice of AIDS. I outlived all my friends who had AIDS. I survived a house fire and 3 burglaries. I've lived 10 yrs on this pitiful amount of disability money that's well below poverty level. I've nearly become homeless 3 yrs in a row out of the last 4 (but I never did, thank you very much!) and I'm managed to continue my life after losing not one, but two long-term (10 yrs each) partners to AIDS.

And before anyone mouths off, I'm not saying any of that to brag. Shit! You're more than welcome to having my problems. I'll trade my 2 dead lovers and now living in one room at my mom's with anyone else's problems. I'm saying that because as any LTS should know, life is freaking hard and it takes a lot of work to deal with life - then when you add HIV/AIDS on top, wow, it takes nerves (and balls LOL) of steel to get through.

So instead of complaining about your issues, tell us what thoughts you have about what you are going to do to change those situations. I mean why did you not celebrate your bday this past year? If it's cause no one remembered, how about inviting them over for dinner that night? (give them a gentle nudge to actually remember this year and you might even get a present or two). And work... can you change departments? what sort of position do you hold? hourly or salaried? what do the laws says about having to work the kinds of shifts you say your boss is demanding? How about changing jobs altogether? Maybe it really is time to look for work elsewhere - even at less money, if you're so unhappy there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

so what do you plan to do? it's the start of a new year and obviously since you're so dissatisfied with your life, it's time to make some resolutions and starting putting some plans into action. Then when your birthday does come rolling around in July, you will be much happier because the situation will be better and you'll be more satisfied with yourself for having done the work to make it better.

best wishes to you in 2011 to make the changes you need

Logged

leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix

wow. I hope you're just having a bad night. I've read through quite a few of your threads where quite a lot of people cared and responded. Plus you do realize that posting in the LTS forum means you cut off a lot of people from being able to respond, right? While there are a fair numbers of LTSs around here, there really aren't many; but there are a whole lot of people over there in the "living with" forum.

Personally, I think you should just ignore those louts at work and not let them get to you. I also think you need to bone up on federal labor laws so that you can explain to your boss why you won't be working 12 hrs a day.

I would imagine that no one responded to your bday thread because a) that's 7 months away and b) it sounded very weird. I was actually kinda afraid to ask to why a 61 year old man never celebrated his bday. I spent my 34th AND my 36th birthdays in the hospital being told by my doctors that I was about to die of AIDS. Since that didn't happen I've been very glad to get older each bday cause it meant I wasn't in the ground. LOL And so when year #38 rolled around and no one got me a bday cake - well I went out, got myself one and invited my friends over anyway. that that trick worked too. The next year I ended up with 8 cakes cause everyone wanted to make sure they didn't forget my bday again.

as I often tell people, and I should know with the crap I've gone through, there's only one thing that you can't fix in your life and that's death. Everything else can be fixed, or at least made better, but it takes work and patience. Sometimes a lot of hard work, and sometimes the patience of Job.

To be honest, you should be coming here for ideas and moral support (not telling us off with passive-aggressive comments) and then going back to your real life and putting in the time and effort to change those things you don't like so much. Move to a new city, get a new job, find new friends. There are hundreds of options for you to employ to change the situation you find yourself in.

How do I know what I'm talking about? I outlived nearly dying twice of AIDS. I outlived all my friends who had AIDS. I survived a house fire and 3 burglaries. I've lived 10 yrs on this pitiful amount of disability money that's well below poverty level. I've nearly become homeless 3 yrs in a row out of the last 4 (but I never did, thank you very much!) and I'm managed to continue my life after losing not one, but two long-term (10 yrs each) partners to AIDS.

And before anyone mouths off, I'm not saying any of that to brag. Shit! You're more than welcome to having my problems. I'll trade my 2 dead lovers and now living in one room at my mom's with anyone else's problems. I'm saying that because as any LTS should know, life is freaking hard and it takes a lot of work to deal with life - then when you add HIV/AIDS on top, wow, it takes nerves (and balls LOL) of steel to get through.

So instead of complaining about your issues, tell us what thoughts you have about what you are going to do to change those situations. I mean why did you not celebrate your bday this past year? If it's cause no one remembered, how about inviting them over for dinner that night? (give them a gentle nudge to actually remember this year and you might even get a present or two). And work... can you change departments? what sort of position do you hold? hourly or salaried? what do the laws says about having to work the kinds of shifts you say your boss is demanding? How about changing jobs altogether? Maybe it really is time to look for work elsewhere - even at less money, if you're so unhappy there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

so what do you plan to do? it's the start of a new year and obviously since you're so dissatisfied with your life, it's time to make some resolutions and starting putting some plans into action. Then when your birthday does come rolling around in July, you will be much happier because the situation will be better and you'll be more satisfied with yourself for having done the work to make it better.

best wishes to you in 2011 to make the changes you need

first of all this thread is drama. dude you need to see a terapist.

second of all. what does mr leathermans reply have to do whith what forsyth said. this shouldnt be an opportunity for you to remind evryone of what a hero you are. it gets repetitive. its like beatin on a dead corpse when you bring this stuff up on evry thread. sorry if im mean but i just needed to say that.

second of all. what does mr leathermans reply have to do whith what forsyth said.

sorry if im mean but i just needed to say that.

i agree. IFOR needs to see a therapist; but instead he's been aimlessly posting here and just not taking advice, so I was trying the opposite tact and telling him to man up and take responsiblity for his life. I used living through the shit in my own life to prove to him that I wasn't talking out my ass. Just because you have heard my story doesn't mean everyone has.

Next time I suggest you just don't bother reading my posts, if you're so offended by my stories. All I have are my experiences to share and by sharing that I've been able to get through crap, I hope that illustrates that the only way to get through crap in your life is to take charge and do something positive about it. Crying to people on an internet forum will only get you so far.

by the way as someone who isn't an LTS you're not supposed to be posting in this thread anyway.

Logged

leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix

Gino (Texas Stud), you are not a longterm survivor of HIV by the definition here. This particular forum is restricted to those who tested positive before 1996. Please don't write in here again. Thanks for your cooperation.

And to all, this threat is quickly turning crusty. We're at the start of a New Year. How about we don't begin it with snapping and biting at one another. That's my strongly urged request.

Larry- I don't visit the LTS section because although I am one I don't dwell on it too much. I feel lucky to be 55 especially since I have lost many friends and a great number of them did not die from AIDS.

I do understand the difficulties of being older and in the work force. I just finished a year of no unscheduled leave (did not miss a day of work) ...not bad for an old + person.

Larry- The holidays are hard for some people so put them behind you and please get on with your life. Peace & LoveBilly

I guess I'm overloaded from getting from so many sides. I always thought that overload was a porn title. What hurts very much is that it's the closet cases that victimize gay's most at work and I can't say a word.

I have permanent double vision (born with lazy eye) and it's difficult for me to get into Phoenix to have a life. I feel like I'm becoming a recluse.

At least my Dog and Cat keep my attention even though I'm not getting things done at home like I should. I try my best at work but find it getting difficult to concentrate with all that's going on.

You have all been supportive. I just don't think that I should use the forum or groups to reach out when I need to just handle my own problems.

I lost my lover in 2000. My family, what I have left does not support me. My Manager thinks I should work 10-12 hour days. So my life should be about work and not have a life?

Larry- My life is all about work because I need it for insurance and when I am at work I don't have time to think about the shit in my life. This forum is a great place to talk and vent and with that said I will admit to breaking a few dishes every now and then. I bought some cheep ones at Good Will to throw into the fire place.Billy

I sent an email to the person who's said to others that I was going to turn him into security because he lit his cigarette in the parking lot (I was joking and smiling when I said that) if we can talk about what happened. His reply was "Sure, but what happened".

I didn't reply and feel resigned to not do anything. There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say to anyone.

I just have to stand on my own and not go to the place where others go to smoke. Besides, my Doctor wanted me to walk more and I do like to walk.

I'm just trying to figure out how to handle this situation and keep going, but I don't think I'll be wanted at future events. I'm feeling totally alone. Just totally SHIT!

I need to get back into the book "Feeling Good". It doesn't help much when dealing with closet cases.

No one believes me. How bad can it get? I'm not worth caring about and I have stopped caring about myself. My life has been nothing.

I'm nothing!The fact is that A gay man in the cosset had to victimize me to fit in. I'm fine with that but I have to stay away from him and his knew friends.I don't know where to go with this. But I know that I will not be welcome by you. I'm noone.

I have no support at all. No one believes in me. I feel all alone. My life has had no meaning.

All I know is that I'm alone and I have no support. My partner died 10 years ago and it's my fault that I have no friends.

I don't know where to go with this. But I know that I will not be welcome by you. I'm noone.

I have no support at all. No one believes in me. I feel all alone. My life has had no meaning.

All I know is that I'm alone and I have no support. My partner died 10 years ago and it's my fault that I have no friends.

have you checked into any sort of counseling through an ASO or through an actual doctor (ie psychiatrist)? There's only so much nameless, faceless people speaking to you on the internet can really do to help you out in the real world. And even then, with actual counseling, it's still going to take YOU changing your life to make things better. (I mean it's not like any counseling or anything you do is going to change other people - the change has to be inside of you)

I know that I and others here have believed you. In other threads and this one, people have commiserated and offered suggestions.

You say you have to work too many hours. I suggested checking labor laws or looking for another job. If it's really making you that miserable, then you need to do something to change that situation.

You say that your co-workers are jerks. the solution to that is either to get another job, or better yet, ignore the a-holes. Does it really matter what "they" think of you? Co-workers do not have to like you or be your friends - that's not in the job description - they only have to work with you. Personally, my belief has always been, towards jerky co-workers and homophobic hecklers on the street, if you're not paying my bills, I don't give a f*ck what you think about me. The day they start paying for my life, is the day I'll do what they want and care what they think.

If you're needing friends, then you going to need to cultivate them outside of the people you meet on the job. That's going to take work on your part though, by going to a support/social group, the bars, churches, etc.

I left 25yrs of my life behind in OH just a little over a yr ago and have been attending every event possible to meet new people. It'd be great to find another partner (though mine do have that terrible tendency of dying on me); but I for sure need to "replace" the friends I used to hang with up North. At the end of this first year, I have 1 new close friend, 1 possible close friend, and 3 other people that are becoming friends. It was a lot of work and effort on my part to keep attending functions, parties, and meeting; but it's paying off slowly but surely.

Obviously, you have a lot of stress and a lot of problems. Those issues have overwhelmed you to the point that you have quit caring about yourself, you say. That's a bad situation and you really need to seek some sort of solution to that. As I mentioned, a counselor surely could help you deal with some of your emotional issues, while those other physical issues (no outside friends, bad job) are something that you'll have to change when you are really fed up with those situations.

I hope that you can find a local counselor to help you out, and I hope that you can find the inner strength to make some of the changes that you need to make to make your life easier and yourself happier.

Logged

leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix