Elegainst The Grain

I decided to take a brief hiatus from the construction of my ‘transitional’ posts, as those require so much more than a coffee and a brisk walk to drum up inspiration and emotion, and begin writing. But, in keeping with the notion of transitioning and finding myself, I have undoubtedly been able to bottle up the essence of me, and accept that the qualities and hobbies nearest and dearest, those that align rather smoothly with my personality, on so many levels. I have chosen to ignore, or better yet, work hard to ignore, that my particular set of skills or interests may greatly differ from other people in my age bracket and decided to grow into the most true form of “Becca”, ignoring the clammer of possible doubt surrounding me and live ‘elegainst the grain’.

As humans, we are an evolution- a continuous work in progress. Yet, for as long as I can remember, being authentically me and living up to only my expectations is something I cherish and value, and never waiver from. Since the age of, let’s say, 22, I can confidently share that my ideal life consists of cooking healthy meals inspired only from the depths of my creative imagination, going for runs along the beach, planning my next vacation in a far away land, and most importantly, sitting in an elegant restaurant, with a beautiful dish of food and a glass of chilled white wine. Some may say, “why is that what you’re doing on a Friday night, you’re so young!?”- and, to those people, I would say, “because that’s what I want”.

Several people around me recently discussed their upcoming weekend, one that included a psy-trans music festival. For a moment, I felt like I needed to concur with their decision, or to say, “wow- incredible… so jealous!” But then it hit me- none of that is of interest to me, and to feign jealousy or excitement would be dishonest to them, but mainly, to myself. Someone recently asked me (when I mentioned I’m not really partial to the “clubbing” or binge-drinking vibe), “so then what do you do for fun!?” Jolting the question and calmly returning to myself without fear of judgement, or fear of being labeled as “uncool”, I answered, “many other things”. Because let’s face it (and it took me a long struggle to accept- drinking and partying along the way), I’m more of a quiet-elegant-evening-at-a-beautiful-restaurant, gushing-over-the-jazz-music kinda girl, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Many people in my graduating class at University were from small, rural towns in the Midwest of America. The norm was to graduate, get married, and have a few kids with a white-pickett fence, preparing all year long to hang up holiday decorations and watch football on Sunday. Now, despite that being the antithesis of the life that I WANT, I respect them- but I only respect them if that’s really what THEY want. There are people that choose to live within the confines of what they deem as suitable or acceptable. And many of these same people never explore, never take chances, and never try the new, suppressing the urge to burst out of their bubble and just “go for it”. While many people desire the aforementioned lifestyle, there are others who are thrust into it, riding the wave because they are afraid to want more, or don’t know how to get there, and they accept the life they think they need. And my advice to them- don’t.

In the wise words of Billy Joel, “I love you just the way you are”. In my humble opinion, this particular message is about self love, self honestly, and self respect and was written to bolster the confidences of people to live and be exactly who they are- abandoning fear, abandoning labels, abandoning the care of what others think. So, if you love rock concerts, and no one else around you does, it really doesn’t matter; put on your best rocker-look, go have a beer, and dance the night away- for you are the one that is watching.