Today someone I love and who loves me did something wonderful and unexpected for me when I asked for help. He's my dad. And he has changed as a person over the last 20 years. Why he has changed is irrelevent. But where he used to be judgemental, he now gives advice. Where he used to be angry, he is now loving. Where he used to be only an authority figure, he is now also a friend. I am so grateful for him. I feel that as I have grown as a person, he has also, so that I can communicate with him more effectively, and we can easily express our love for each other. This is such an amazing thing.

The LOO is all about love and service to others, but I find that when I apply that in real life, I am told by other people that I am deceiving myself to think that "love conquers all". Why must everyone rain on my parade? Am I not supposed to love someone just because other people think that person doesn't deserve my love? Or they think it's not good for me to love someone like that? Crazy.

Published by Goldenme on July 6, 2009 1:53am. Category: Knowing myself

I forgive myself and I set myself freeI peek from around my wall and the world opens upMy Higher Self has paid me a visitAnd this time I listened, and cried, and ranted because I was so alone behind the wall. Then I said thank you, please hold me up I’m too weak.And my Higher Self replied, “The wall is an illusion that kept you from experiencing life. The wall made you weak.”

And I broke down, feeling like a newborn naked in a scary new worldMy tears were hot on my face but I let them flow because my Higher Self was talking to me!

Saying: I am loved. I am never alone. I need not carry responsibillity for others. I have enough love to give others. And finally... it is ok to ask for help.

And I knew it was true. I am not alone. Nor am I weak, nor bereft of love.I forgave myself and set myself free.

The wall is still there. It’s really too soon, I'm too unsure and untested. But now I sit atop the wall and my Higher Self guides my hand as I chink away at the stones one day at a time.

Published by Goldenme on June 14, 2009 2:38pm. Category: Knowing myself

It's hard to concentrate on your spiritual self when there are so many earthly problems that must be confronted. I try to do whatever I can, and then just let it go because I know that worrying about things I have no control over is useless. Meditation helps take the edge off and it reminds me of my path, but sometimes I just devolve into stress and anxiety and wonder, how did I get here? These are the times I wish I had someone to turn to, but the reality is that no one is interested in my stress and anxiety!

When I first moved to New York I felt very alone as none of my family lived nearby. I found a greeting card that had a photo of a herd of sheep, one of which was wearing a bowtie. The card read: "Adding to my misery: No one here thinks I'm funny." I sent the card to my sister, the only person in the world who really "gets" me.

I still walk around wearing that bowtie, and still, no one thinks I'm funny. >sigh<

Published by Goldenme on June 7, 2009 3:19pm. Category: Knowing myself

When I told my friend I was recently diagnosed with diabetes, she said:

"Oh. Didn't you always have that?"

I was crushed at her reaction but my hurt soon turned to anger and I have been avoiding her for a week. Now she's angry at me because she doesn't know why I've been avoiding her. The Law of One states:

Positive orientation then provides the will and faith to continue this mentally intense experience of letting the anger be understood, accepted, and integrated with the mind/body/spirit complex. The other-self which is the object of anger is thus transformed into an object of acceptance, understanding, and accommodation, all being reintegrated using the great energy which anger began.

I will have to meditate on this as it is a difficult concept and not something I can do just with a snap of my fingers. I understand and accept my anger but I don't know how to "integrate" it. Maybe that will come with the meditation. Has anyone else had experience with this?