When I was young I used to think that 18th century guy who wrote a happy ending to King lear was nuts. Nowadays, I'm not so sure.

If Rc had stayed aboard the submarine , gone back to germany and had tea with the Kaiser. That would have been nicer.'

Really we could write all folksongs to give them a happy ending. Does Matty groves always have to have his head cut off, must Tom dooley always face the hangman, do the Yellow gypsies have to go the same way.....

That's a common misunderstanding of the revival - they are not our songs, but the songs of those who made them. For sure we may remake them, but they then become something else - much as Stonehenge would become something else if we remade that.

From what I have heard, in the original story of King Lear that Shakespeare knicked from Hollinshed and others, Cordelia defeated her sisters, restoresd Lear to the throne and then ruled in her own right after he died.

"Lady, come down the stairs," says Fat Lankin. "How can I see in the dark?" she says unto him. "You have silver mantles," says Fat Lankin. "Lady, come down the stairs by the light of them." Down the stairs the lady came, thinking no harm Lankin was ready to surprise her with a treat. There was food all in the kitchen There was food all in the hall There was food all in the parlour Where my lady she did eat. Now Fat Lankin shall be cheered to the rafters oh so high, And the good nurse shall be turning in the fire, another pie.

Said the lord unto his lady as he rode tapping his tum "Beware of Fat Lankin, who learned cooking from his mum; Beware the wine, beware the cheese, beware of Fat Lankin Make sure the doors are bolted well Or toss your diet in the bin"

So he took out his pen knife, it was both long and sharp and he plunged it right into his own poor Mary's heart But lucky they were next to a top knotch hospital And Mary's now doing well, and Johnny's gang to jail...

And it being Sweedan, he's soon to be reformed And will stop killing girl friends and leaving us forelorn Yes he'll stop knifing sweathearts, he now knows it is wrong And poor ol' Alan Whittle will have his happy song

ah... and the inspiration of all this...

to the tune of Banna Strand...

Sir Rodger survied the hanging in dreay london town He dropped on Old Victoria and broke her bloody crown So she freed the Irish nation, invited us to tea She and Rodger took a holliday all on the Irish sea.

And by the way the british fireing squad missed Connolly and all Just like our Cousin Rodger, who missed that dreadful fall Michael Collens had a hat band made of the finest steel The Titanic sank the iceburg, and Obama's change is real.

I've been singing this 'extra verse' to Claudy Banks, which gives the song the ending I thought it may really have had in the real world...! When Betsy, she heard him say so She smacked him around the head! Saying 'After I have finished with you You will wish you were really dead! You'll wish that you had perished All on the coast of Spain, And if you know what's good for you You'll just sod off again!' I've always thought the happy endings on most 'broken token' songs were a bit far fetched...!

What if I'd not been a Wild Rover for many a year? What if I wasn't going to Scarborough Fair? What if Tom Pierse hadn't lent out his grey mare? What if that Sailor hadn't become Drunk, we wouldn't have to do owt with him? What if I hadn't gone off with that girl whose hair hung over her shoulder tied up with a black velvet band?

But when I had disclosed myself She threw a hissy fit. She threw her fist into my nose, Saying, "Johnny, you're a shit. You seem to think it funny To mess around my head. I wouldn't marry you If every man on earth were dead."

And when I heard this dreadful news I said, "Fiddle-dee-dee. There's many a change worked on a chap By seven years at sea. I am an altered young man And so I wish you joy, 'Cause as for me I'd rather wed A handsome cabin boy."

you can't tell me there wasn't a bit of hanky panky going on there, pre=revelation that is. how many men do you call....famous flower. You can kiss my tulips and play with my periwinkle, if there wasn't.

And why do they have to burn Mum at the end.....?

Ammended version

Jump off the pyre and kiss me Mum! We'll both go shopping and be good chums.

So the king has written a broad letter And signed it with his hand And he's sent it to Sir Patrick Spens A walking all on the strand And the very first line Sir Patrick read A loud, loud laugh gave he "Silliest plan I ever saw" And he chucked it into the sea.

When he did perceive his love's intent He took off the ring and cast it at her feet Saying, "If that's how you trust me my sweet, Here's your ring which you may keep." So saying, he turned and walked away.

Now we're off to India for seven long year Tantric sex in an ashram, you'll like that my dear. And if we ever return again, it'll be in the spring In our meaningful relationship, you know - that sort of thing....

Lord Randal's "true love," for reasons unknown, does a Lucretia Borgia number on her young suitor and the result is one of the classic ballads.

Back in about nineteen-ought-fifty-seven, a friend of mine and I took a class together at the University of Washington English Department, "The Popular Ballad," taught by Dr. David C. Fowler. The term paper was a doozy. Research a ballad and get together as many versions as you can find. My friend chose "Lord Randal." He turned up either full texts or references to over 1,013 different versions of the ballad!

He found one American version which had been rewritten as a propaganda song for the dairy industry. Little Jimmie Randall had been inadvertently poisoned when his girlfriend fed him oleomargarine instead of real butter!

But the real lulu was—believe it or not—"Billie Boy." He goes to visit his girl friend and she doesn't poison him, she feeds him cherry pie. Which she had baked herself, "quick as a cat can wink its eye." The sad part is that "she's a young thing and cannot leave her mother." Yup. It's a variant of "Lord Randal."

Or the ballad "The Three Ravens." How about eliminating the dead knight, the hounds, the hawks, the fallow doe and all that stuff and have the three ravens all fly down to the local Burger King?

Barbara Allen goes to see Sweet William, who is pining away for her to the point that the poor sod is dying. Instead of turning up her nose and walking out, how about she rips off her clothes, jumps into bed with him, and humps him to death? He dies anyway, but when they bury him by the old church tower, he has a smile on his face.

horus: Shut the door their coming through the window, Shut the window their coming through the door, Shut the door their coming through the window, Oh the room is full and won't hold anymore.

I went in for rabbits and I kept them in a hutch. I only bought two rabbits, it didn't seem like much. Next morning when I looked at them how they had multiplied. A thousand rabbits jumped right out and all the neighbors cried:

'Twas gettin' dark, the team got bogged, The axle snapped in two I lost me matches and me pipe, Now what was I to do? The rains come down, 'twas bitter cold, And hungry too was I And the dog shat in the tuckerbox Nine miles from Gundagai .. again the dog had been suffering from constipation for over a week, had tried senna pods, figs and had also eaten six cans of prunes, so he was very happy when he eventually shifted his load and christened the TUCKER BOX, SO from the dogs point of view it was a very very happy ending, and all due to drinking Watneys Red

If folksongs were nice happy songs about happy things like the ones they gave us in grammar school, I'd never have become interested in them at all. No suspense, no insight into the human condition, nothing to see here (move along).

Imagine singing a song to your daughter saying that she shouldn't go out in the woods alone with young men because it isn't considered the "nice” thing to do. Much more fun and effective to sing Pretty Polly or Omie Wise. Those will get her attention and she'll remember the song and the story and maybe even the lesson.

What would I Know Where I'm Goin' be like if Johnny was a nice boy whom everyone's parents wanted for their daughters?

Give the people in folksongs a bit of a break. Think of pretty polly......poor lass! named after a bleeding parrot, what sort of a start in life is that. attracted to an inbred who spends half the night digging a grave for her.

lets see if we can fix her up with a nice young man who will respect her and build up a tights empire in her honour.

no you had a nice picnic you selfish person, your love slept through it all.however when your love awoke... my love she awoke from her beauty sleep and found the wine was gone. she drew out her little penknife and stabbed me in the bum

Oh bother, must I recite every obvious detail? Obviously, I prepared a lovely picnic tableau with place settings, wine glasses, cold chicken and potato salad, etc. while she was sleeping, and then woke her up for the picnic. Surely you can see that if I recited all that in the song I'd have another Tay Bridge Disaster.

What about "NOT putting the clock a quarter afor" and " If a young maiden would set me free O though her love it be easily won I'd make her my bride in my ain country Though she be the Flower of Northumberland What! Go with you to Scotland, you must be joking! " and " I went into aPublic House to get a pint o'beer The Publican he up'd and said "Tommy you're welcome here"

"Why weep ye by the tide Lady Why weep ye by the tide?" "I was only chopping onions sir Till ye came here to bide But I will happily marry you sae comely to be seen It's a better choice than a council flat wi Jock o' Hazeldene"

and

Me hat is frozen to me head Me feet are like two lumps of lead Me shoes are frozen to me feet... So I'm off home for a hot bath