In another thread that I started, Italian made a comment about how he was surprised about my involvement a function that might seem to be exclusively gay. As I've said before, my best buddies and I are closeted and prefer to remain that way because of jobs and wifes. BTW, I'm not married. That doesn't mean, however, that if we're out of town together we necessarily keep things under wraps. If we go to Miami, the Keys, or NOLA, we generally hit most of the gay dance clubs, gay-friendly food places, etc. A couple of years ago, four of us even went on a gay cruise. Booking it out of Miami we felt rather safe. I often wonder how many other bi's are closeted as opposed to those that are out. At this point, especially since I hope that I'm never outed, what does one achieve from being out/open?

Obviously the issue becomes much MUCH more murky when you add wives to the equation.

I'm a bi guy, I think there is a certain degree of "freedom" you get from being able to acknowledge it. I certainly don't advertise, and I don't think I present in a way which makes people ask questions (that's just how I am, I don't control my actions), but if someone were to ask if I were gay the answer would honestly be no... but if they asked if I were bi (which has happened) I've answered yes.

You don't need to internally censor yourself all the time, making sure you're not "attracting" attention etc etc.

Obviously the issue becomes much MUCH more murky when you add wives to the equation.

I'm a bi guy, I think there is a certain degree of "freedom" you get from being able to acknowledge it. I certainly don't advertise, and I don't think I present in a way which makes people ask questions (that's just how I am, I don't control my actions), but if someone were to ask if I were gay the answer would honestly be no... but if they asked if I were bi (which has happened) I've answered yes.

You don't need to internally censor yourself all the time, making sure you're not "attracting" attention etc etc.

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Internally censor myself is often very difficult as my buds tell me that I'm the extroverted exhibitionist they know.

Also can identify with what you said above with regard to someone asking. A couple of months ago after an LSU game, four us drove on down to NOLA. Ended up a gay dance club after dinner. After about 45 min this younger blond guy came over and asked if I wanted to dance (I'm a sucker and a suckee for blonds especially if they're younger than I am). I said sure. On the floor he started asking a string of questions. I was rather short with him, maybe even curt...."No" to query's regarding if one of my buds was my bf, etc. After a couple of dances, rather than going back to my table, we stood to one side of the dance floor talking. Without hesitation he popped the question or rather statement which I knew was coming: "Dude, let's get out of here and go some place quieter where we can talk." I explained that I couldn't leave my buds. His retort was "Well, you said none of them were your bf and that weren't you involved with any of them. My reply was simple, "that has nothing to do with it." At that poin, he asked, "You are gay, aren't you?" My reply, "No, I'm not." Shaking his head, his last words were, "Well, what the fuck are doing here, if you're not gay?" I couldn't even answer him before he walked off muttering "Later, man." Went back to my buds and we had several good laughs about it, but looking back on this and similar situations, as has been said in other threads, its probably true that we (bi-guys) often send out mixed and confusing signals.

I've never really considered myself bi as I've never done anything with another man. I'm not saying I would rule it out, I just haven't had the opportunity. If anyone were to ask what my orientation were I would probably say straight.

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Well, I have wondered the same about being "out" in the open...
Came to the conclusion that some people may find relief in their personal psyche (bing honest with themselves as well as others) having nothing to hidden.
But hell, I don't share find the need for the world to have to know how & what you sexually do in the bedroom...only the important one(s) you select needs to know this...
I like the "Don't ask...Don't Tell" thing..the US Arm Forces tries to enforce.
When it all comes down to it...who really gives a damn it most situations...as lone as you are a productive individual in society by rule... but there are some governments of the world that frown upon this...so the fight to be out becomes a issue....

Primal ... I'm gay, so lemme give you my point of view when you said that you may give out mixes signals. You probably do. I'm not going to say of course you do, just saying you probably do. You may seem like you are straight (I know, stereo typing here) ... meanin no limp wrist, fluttering eyelashes etc. BUT, you WERE in a gay dance club and you WERE dancing. But there are some straight guys who do that with their friends (especially gfs). But I feel the little blond shouldn't have been miffed and put out. Hell, can't you just go and have fun? I've often found str8/bi guys (especially masculine.funny/cocky) are a turn on. He was just so wanting to get into bed that it pissed him off you wouldn't lose your friends. Good for you tho; you stuck to your guns and respected your group. Being bi means you like both sexes, but that doesn't mean you have to sleep with anyone who asks and that guy should have respected you for that.

I'm bi, but faithful to my wife. While I have felt attracted to other men as well as women, I am not attracted to most people of either gender. It takes someone special. So I basically feel like it's no one's business but mine (and my wife's) whom I feel attracted to.

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Unless there's some overwhelming reason why you should tell people (for instance you're in a heavy relationship with a guy and having to stay in so people don't know) I don't particularly think bi guys or women need to tell everyone, your sexuality is primarily your own business, if someone's into being fisted whilst singing the national anthem they wouldn't need to tell everyone that, so why tell them you're bi unless you need to.

Gold Member

When i was married, to a bi woman btw, I was faithful but very open about my attraction to other wo/men. Sure, we didnt some crazy stuff when we were dating but that stopped after my son was born. Im open with the people I date and on here but otherwise its no ones business as far as Im concerned.

VerifiedGold Member

In another thread that I started, Italian made a comment about how he was surprised about my involvement a function that might seem to be exclusively gay. As I've said before, my best buddies and I are closeted and prefer to remain that way because of jobs and wifes. BTW, I'm not married. That doesn't mean, however, that if we're out of town together we necessarily keep things under wraps. If we go to Miami, the Keys, or NOLA, we generally hit most of the gay dance clubs, gay-friendly food places, etc. A couple of years ago, four of us even went on a gay cruise. Booking it out of Miami we felt rather safe. I often wonder how many other bi's are closeted as opposed to those that are out. At this point, especially since I hope that I'm never outed, what does one achieve from being out/open?

Staff MemberModeratorGold Member

I've found these posts fascinating. But I have a question to the Bi guys here. If you're NOT in a relationship(and maybe even if you are in a relationship), why is everyone so "quiet" about being BI.....I don't get it. I'm confused.

. . . he asked, "You are gay, aren't you?" My reply, "No, I'm not." Shaking his head, his last words were, "Well, what the fuck are doing here, if you're not gay?" I couldn't even answer him before he walked off muttering "Later, man." Went back to my buds and we had several good laughs about it, but looking back on this and similar situations, as has been said in other threads, its probably true that we (bi-guys) often send out mixed and confusing signals.

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I will play "devil's advocate" here (I do that a lot! :biggrin1: )
It sounds like you were attracted to him and obviously he to you.
I believe the "mixed signal" in this case was you not being totally open and honest in response to his question. Instead of answering "No," perhaps "Bi" would have produced a better response. BTW, I take it that although you and your buds had several good laughs about it that you went home alone?

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I tend to be quiet about it because in the gay community you're kind of looked upon as one who is shunned because you won't commit totally. In that sense, because you can deal with both sexes, you're looked upon as a liability.

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Except for LPSG,I'm out to very few people,Cigarbabe knows and loves me for it, also her mother and a good friend, who are both lesbians.
Industrialsize,It's just easier to stay in the closet in the "straight" world. I've had co-workers who got their ass constantly busted for being gay.It's just so much easier to go with the flow and not have rip someone a new asshole for being an asshole.My private sex life is just that,private.I don't go to gay bars, [or any bar,very often] and when we do,it's always out of town.Maybe we'll see you in P-town someday.

if asked i would say that i was straight but i have no problem with doing stuff with other guys- three sums etc. if it feels good just do it and you can tell people whatever you want its your life not their's. i dont like kissing guys refuse to do it but other stuff im fine with. sounds a bit weird but kissing can mean more than just doing sex stuff in groups.