A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Before You Say ” I Do”

I learned a little about marriage from being married. I am still technically married although separated and while I am not happy about it nor do I want this to end, it is, so you might as well garner some knowledge from me while you still can folks.

If you’re thinking of saying “I Do,” consider these things.Mind you, these things don’t really have much to do with my personal marriage, but they are things I learned while married from myself, him, other couples, and the world.

I divulge…Not Gonna Change

If you’re not marrying that exact person that will walk down the aisle with you right this minute, walk away. The person will not change. Don’t expect him/her to. Don’t wait for him/her to. Marry the person as is. If you can’t accept that the person is anxious, high-energy, shy, timid, poor, fat, or whatever, don’t say “I do.”

Picnic!

It’s all fun and games in the beginning but you will be tested somehow. If you’re already fighting and breaking up all the time, don’t get married. Breaking up is easy. Divorce is lethal and expensive.

Sex

If you are timid to ask a partner for more sex or less sex currently, don’t think this timidity will serve you well while married. Be able to talk and discuss your intimate life right this very minute so you both are happy before saying “I do.” You should never feel embarrassed about discussing these things with the person you’re about to be betrothed to.

Under the Carpet

If there are issues or things that matter very much to you yet your partner doesn’t want to discuss it, don’t just ignore the elephant in the room. On the other hand, I have read from many therapists that it is NOT necessary to disclose everything about your life and mind with your partner constantly unlike our American views of candor and total disclosure. But this isn’t about disclosing everything. This is about discussing some major issues ahead of time to find either A; common ground B: a resolution or C: a total acceptance that you guys can’t agree. It is normal and apparently healthy to not always agree and to know that there will always be issues in a relationship. A good relationship isn’t perfect but instead, is worth working on each day.

Moral of this Married Story?

It didn’t work for me, which really sucks. I would be willing to try probably a billion times over, but it takes more than one, and maybe it’s good to be able to be strong enough to say it’s done. I don’t know. I know it sucks, but I see happily married people all the time and believe that it could work. maybe not for me, but for others.

Your blog is very helpful. Even though I’ll get married in like, 4 or 5 years time, it’s nice to plan your marriage with your partner in advance, and, as mik1999 mentioned, this is good reflective stuff. 🙂

I especially like the part that says, “It is normal and apparently healthy to not always agree and to know that there will always be issues in a relationship. A good relationship isn’t perfect but instead, is worth working on each day.” because my boyfriend and I fight sometimes (though, never break up or time off) and this proves that it IS healthy to disagree sometimes. So thanks! 🙂

Oh you’re welcome so much! I think that it’s good to share our experiences so someone else might grow from them as well. You can’t plan everything, but you can do your best to be sure you’re picking the best partner for you but like I said, things happen…and it stinks. Thank you for reading and reblogging 🙂

Marriage needs to have two people who are best friends with a foundation of trust, commonality, and love. There will be times when you disagree and, even, times when you may find room for hate, but if you have that friendship, you’ll muscle through. There is a point when you need to have to know each other inside and out. Without that, there isn’t room to evolve and learn from each other as a couple. In the 18+ years I’ve been married to my husband Donald, I’ve realized that he’s the one person that will always be in my corner. You need that type of commitment in marriage or you’ll be in for heartbreak. Getting married isn’t something to just enter into lightly and without knowing your partner.

I don’t know anyone who has entered into marriage lightly…but it certainly seems to defy any rules. You can go in with all of the heart…but two people have to be in it together. Agreed about the friendship part! Thanks for reading 🙂