You say Sharknado… The Worst Things about Romance!

You Say Snarknado – I say STFU! Cheesy Tropes, Eye-Rolling Inspiring Actions, Words & Phrases
that you just wish would stop being used in novels.

Birth Control and Lady Grooming is my snark for today!

Let’s start with a snark of how the hell in this day and age we are still having dozens of books titled “The Billionaire’s Accidental Baby.” Condoms are sold everywhere. Men usually carry them in their wallets like a lottery ticket. Gotta be in it to win it! You might not need it, but having it on you guaranties you are ready for sex at any time. Broken condoms do happen, but you have to say at least they tried. Not using one at all is just foolish and you have better odds of winning (or is it losing?) that gamble.

Now using birth control pills and having statuary-worthy grooming for your private area when you are in a relationship, or if you are just on the prowl, are understandable. What makes me yell “COME ON!” is when our heroine is a virgin or she hasn’t been in a sexual relationship for a number of years and she declares “It’s okay. I’m on birth control.” SAY WHAT?

This is always followed by a ridiculous explanation which includes controlling irregular periods, heavy flows or bad cramps. Should we discuss the health risks involved with birth control pills? Migraines, high blood pressure, weight gain, blood clots... If you are taking birth control pills for a real health concern or say maybe to prevent pregnancy, ok go ahead and weigh the risks and take your pill. If your risking deadly blood clots because you get crampy during your period, REALLY?? Just suck it up.

And as far as the virgins who are meticulously groomed down south, all I can do is give you another “REALLY?” That seems to be a lot of upkeep for an area you are not showing to anyone else. It’s like waxing your car that never leaves the garage.

Maybe I’ve just been married too long, but see me during the wintertime…

Oh oh oh…I’m laughing so hard I think I might have peed my pants. And yes! Ermagawd yes. Whenever I hear about a perfectly manicured landing strip or some other such nonsense on a woman, I always think, well…I guess that is what these young kids do now a days. LMAO And also with the birth control, which is like cyanide to me, I’ve never been able to take it, because of the influx of hormones sends my body into “evil” mode – which in turn leads to me not having any reason to take birth control – because if a man touches my arm, my head spins around and I spit pea soup at them. (Not exaggerating either). Whatever they have in those little pills is very intense, at least for me, the excuse of “cramping” was the tall tail you told your buddies in high school when they spotted your little box of pills, so they wouldn’t judge you as a whore. But, I’m not a doctor. Great post, got me thinking.

There’s nothing wrong with taking the pill because you like sex. But if you’re a female who likes sex, then why the hell has it been so long for you?? Women can smile and guys think it’s a come-on. If you’re not getting any, you must not want any. So ditch the pills and buy new batteries.

And the whole topiary thing? Excuse me, but ew! I must be showing my age, since when I was younger, the whole females- gotta-shave-thing was talked about as making grown women more infantile. Excuse me, if he only wants to have sex with hairless females, you might want to examine his computer for kiddie porn. And if he’s the one shaving, you gotta wonder if her read somewhere that it would make his inadequacy less noticeable if there was no foliage to hide the first inch or so.