How to Give A Great Oral Presentation/Speech

Public speaking has been the bane of human existence for as long as we can remember. Are you drowning in cold sweat and shivering your toes off whenever you have to do an oral presentation? Well, here are some simple tips for you.

1. Don’t be passionate about what you’re saying.

People who are passionate about what they’re saying tend to spit saliva on the first row of audience. No one likes to be spit on, so they’ll probably throw rotten tomatoes at you in revenge. For those of you who really are passionate about what you’re saying, try to bore yourself to death before the speech/presentation. For example, you could go to the presentation venue sixteen hours early and count the number of cracks on the wall.

2. Don’t smile.

Firstly, it’s a sign of weakness and submission. Secondly, your cheeks will hurt and this will undermine your ability to talk properly and enunciate your words. Thirdly, you will look like an encyclopedia salesman and no one likes encyclopedia salesmen.

3. Mumble.

So if you’re talking nonsense, no one will know. If you made a mistake, no one will know. The audience also wouldn’t be able to ask you those annoying probing questions that you can’t answer- because they had no idea what you were talking about in the first place.

4. Don’t try to memorize your speech beforehand

Because honestly? Let’s face it. Unless you’re Steve Jobs or Obama, you’re probably going to forget your memorized speech. And there’s nothing more embarrassing, than forgetting your speech. (Well, forgetting how to say your national pledge while MC-ing your national day parade can also be pretty awkward, but that’s not the point.) Just read off your paper. Better be safe than sorry.

5. Don’t inject humor

Because it’s always a lose-lose situation for you. If you aren’t funny, you’ll make a silent exit with everyone thinking you’re a loser and a try-hard. If you are funny, that’s even worse- because your boss/teacher will think you’re not taking the presentation seriously and hate you for life fire you or give you an F. (For Flippant.)

6. Speak in a monotone.

Don’t vary your tone and diction. That’s just confusing. It also makes you seem like you’re singing a song. You’re giving a speech, not competing for a grammy. That’s Taylor Swift’s job.

7. Don’t make eye contact with your audience.

If someone gives you the ‘omg this is so boring can I leave now’ look, your self esteem is crushed and you won’t be able to give a good speech. Also, there is always a chance that Medusa is among your audience, waiting to catch you unawares and turn you into stone.

8. Don’t think before you speak.

Long pauses can really throw an audience off.

9. Cram your powerpoint slides with points

So if you forget what you want to say, you can just read off the slide. In fact, if you don’t feel like saying anything, you can just get the audience to read off the slide themselves. Also, the more the merrier. The more things you put on your slide, the more substance your powerpoint seems to have, and people like that.