“I have to tell you about this amazing book,” she says. “The woman dies, and it’s so tragic. The story is from the dog’s point of view.” I can’t hardly wait to dive into that book. It’s a story… from a dog! You’ll love it! “Oh, man,” he says, burying his face in his hands. […]

In my world, when people listen to music in public they use headphones so no one else has to hear whatever it is that helps them get their groove on. My world is clearly a fantasy place where I don’t have to hear what sounds like country disco, and I won’t get in trouble for […]

“No, I didn’t bring any books. I have an iPhone.” That’s how the Light Speed Lover started his college biology tutor session. “I think you should consider joining me on a date event,” he said. His tutor was so very nonplussed. Ima wanna date, mmmkay? “Look,” his tutor said. “You really need to have your […]

Guy props is skateboard against the table and says, “Oh God, I drank so much. And you were so messed up, too!” How can I not listen in on a conversation that starts like that? Ima impress you wit my drinkin’, mmmkay? Skateboard Guy smacks the table hard to emphasize just how much he drank, […]

It’s a fairly common scene: You take your laptop to the coffee shop to get out of the office and work, you start downloading your email and open a couple Web pages, and suddenly the Internet slows to a crawl. Like glacial molasses passing legislation slow. And then you notice the two guys with their […]

And lo, a darkness rolled over the land snuffing out all in its path, raining despair and grief in its hateful swath of destruction. No, wait. It just these two guys sitting in the coffee shop who Won’t. Stop. Bitching. It’s bitch-a-palooza day! I don’t know who pissed them off, but they did a great […]

I’m all for taking your computer to the coffee shop. In fact, I do it all the time. But your iMac? Holy Grabthar’s Hammer, dude. You brought your iMac to the coffee shop? Pick it up with two hands. It’s portable, right? There’s an unspoken code in the coffee shop: Bring your computer, but only if […]

I never work hard to hide the fact that I’m snapping photos of people in coffee shops and most people are so unaware of their surroundings that they never even notice. Blatant Man, however, has a few things he can teach me about sneaking photos of women. No, wait. That’s creepy. He has a few […]

He shuffles in with that I’m-so-cool-and-dejected look, drops into a chair, lets out a loud sigh and asks, “Did that phone ring?” He points to the candy bar cell phone on the floor, then asks again, “Did that phone ring.” And in that moment I realize that there’s a higher power sending these people to […]

The moon loomed heavy over the horizon, eclipsing all in its path. Its blue glow casting… OK, enough with the imagery: Dude hung his ass over my table. Really. Mind if I butt in? That’s what I thought. It’s not like there wasn’t a whole coffee shop for Ass Man to find a place to […]