Tuesday, January 31, 2012

In celebration of February and Valentine's Day as love month, i wanted to guest feature bloggers who have been married for more than ten years. I am truly blessed to know so many bloggers who have been living their vows through so many seasons. I am learning so much from these couples and i hope throughout the month, you will be able to learn wonderful lessons from them.

To begin the series, i have Nylse from Life...After Death of a Brother, to share with us some of the lessons she has learned within her twenty-two years of marriage.

Share away Nylse!

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I got married young at 22, but I never felt
young or as if I wasn’t ready. Practically, I was at the point of my life where
marriage was the next step – I had finished college, and was working making
decent money. My next step was to leave my parents house either through
marriage or a job opportunity.

When I met my husband to be, I wasn’t
thinking about marriage initially. After we started talking, and eventually
dating or courting, I knew I was in love. We talked about everything. I felt
loved, cared for, respected and accepted. When I said I do, I had no doubts and
knew it would be for a lifetime. Though I was young physically, I never felt
unprepared for marriage – never. I think part of this was due to our faith; we
both took our Christian walk seriously and it is foundational to our
relationship.

Our wedding theme was – a three cord strand is not easily broken.

This image was printed on our invitations, programs and anything else it could
be printed on.

We planned our wedding together, but I have
to admit he was the real wedding planner. We bought a book and he followed it
to a tee. I was not one of those young ladies growing up who dreamt of my
wedding day and what dress I would wear.

During our ceremony, we said the
traditional vows; I didn’t want to say obey, so I said love, honor and cherish.
He pledged his undying love and I pledged my troth. Per Google - “Troth” means
a promise of truthfulness, and is derived from the same word as “truth”.

If you
know me, I have not reneged on this promise!

Our first year was wedded bliss – we loved
up on each other often, hung out and enjoyed each other’s company. During that first year, I got pregnant, and
while that enhanced our happiness both of us experienced uncertainty. I
remember going to la Maze classes together, going to the gynecologist together,
and delivering our first child and him being there.

I’ve learned many things through 22 years
of marriage,

but the ones below are those that stand out the most.

·The good outweighs the bad – we’ve had
job loss, relocations, children, challenging work schedules, children doing
questionable things, differences of opinions, arguments etc…no major sickness
but changes in health and bodies that we’ve both had to adjust to. I saw the
toll sickness took on my brother’s marriage and what I’ve come to realize is
that we appreciate each other through the imperfections; because if he’s dead
and gone, I will surely miss him. I’ve come to realize that wherever I am in
the world, as long as we’re together, I’m good.

·Marital tiffs are temporary and necessary – the thing is temporary, may last 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months. But
recognizing it for what it is and working through it you move on, learn and
grow.

·We are each other’s friend – the first
person I want to call whenever something happens to me, good or bad is my
husband. The same is true for him.

·Never make one person feel as if he’s better than the other – My husband came from money, while I did not. On the other hand,
my parents never divorced, his did. We would both be right in feeling superior
to each other because of our circumstances, but it really wouldn’t help us as a
couple. We acknowledge where we came from yet forged ahead

to try and build
something beautiful together.

·Baggage becomes heavy if not unpacked with love –knowing the other person has your back and your best interests at
heart makes it easier to deal with the difficulty of unloading baggage.

·“Please” and “Thank You” are the magic words

sprinkled in with lots of “I
love you” and “I’m sorry”.

·Children enhance your relationship, but never forget to work on your
marriage. Our children always got a kick out of
seeing Mummy & Daddy going out on date night.

·Teenagers + pre-menopause + mid-life crisis= Turbulence! –
Honestly, when these three intersect, what can you do but go with the flow,

remember your foundation and hope that everyone comes out all right!

·Individual dreams don’t die because you’re married, as a matter of
fact they can flourish. The caveat is they make
take a little longer or look a bit different than you anticipated when they
come in to fruition, but it’s such an inspiring feeling knowing that someone
besides you dreams great dreams for you and expects you to achieve them.

·Communication is important – this sounds
cliché but it’s true. You have to find a rhythm that works for both of you so
that you can get things out. Little
things become boulders if you never address them and they can impact every
area. In the beginning I used to be a yeller, and he would get very quiet. We danced, and shuffled and figured out a way
to

communicate where both are heard and feelings are spared.

·Don’t take each other for granted – do
the things that put a smile on his/her face. BTW, it’s usually the little
things like closing cupboard doors,

cleaning up after yourself, hugs,
kisses…you get the idea.

·Pray as often together as you can –
sometimes what

you cannot say to each other you can say to God; but

·Don’t neglect your own individual spiritual walk. – To take this one step further, just because you’re couple does
not mean you lose your individuality;

nurture yourself also so that you bring
your best to each other.

·Love is a choice – when you first start
out, you’re starry eyed in love. Over time that feeling may fade but at some
point you realize that love is a verb and you make an active choice to live out
your love. You may not always like everything your mate does, but you don’t
love them any less. For example, I strongly dislike that he now snores, but
I’ve learn to adjust and live with it so that it’s not a stumbling block. It’s always the little things that can trip
you up.

·Old love is different from young love –
old love is like nice warm flannel sheets that envelopes you and always makes
you feel toasty when they’re wrapped around you.

That’s where we are and I like
it.

·We’re like night and day – but together we’re a perfect match.

He balances out my emotional side, and I’m always giving him
something to think about.

You wouldn’t believe our conversations!

·You gain another person’s perspective when you’re married to them.

·Sometimes you have to tune out all the noise and do what’s best for
the two of you– they’re so many relationship
experts out there; many have good advice and some have questionable advice.
Become the expert on your marriage so that you know what works for the two of
you.

If I could do it all over again, I would
marry my husband, because he’s the man for me.

Something magical has happened
within the past few months between us and I can’t actually put my finger on it.
I think prior to this we had an argument where feelings were hurt and I know
for me, something clicked and I said, “Why am I doing this?” Since then, we’ve
had the most insightful and enjoyable conversations which has led to a greater
understanding on both our parts.

I can’t change him, nor he me but I’ve seen
how working on yourself can benefit the relationship. I used to pray for a
gentle quiet spirit – God has a sense of humor, because He took his time
answering this request and used things like our marriage, and raising children
to bring out these qualities in me. From the beginning, our faith has been our
foundation which has strengthened our bond.

I’m glad we’re doing life together!

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Thank you so much Nylse for sharing the lessons you have learned in 22-years of marriage.

It's great how you and your husband have grown together as friends, companions and man and wife.

And so many young people are too focused on the wedding and not the marriage!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

This LonglazySunday was definitely looong but i am determined to spend the rest of it in a lazy way.

We woke up too early to exercise before church...yes we are that dedicated.

I was proud of myself considering i was ushering this morning at church.

But as a reward...we had french toast this morning.

Last week i saw some yummy french toast on the Rolex Release blog and i haven't been able to get it out of my head. It wasn't the same but it made due.

After church, the sun was bright but a little nippy.

I do not foresee SNOW in our future at all this winter.

We stopped off at Granny's, had lunch, chatted a bit and watched ice-skating on her television....retro huh.

She says she has had that television since the 1980s. But when you are 95 years old, you've had everything for a long time. That lady is too cool.

We then went to Marshall's to do some shopping for the house.

We realized since we've been married, we haven't really purchased much together

as a married couple so we are changing that on a weekly basis.

The rest of the evening will be spent being lazy including cuddling on the couch, catching up on some magazine reads. And browsing the television. Since NFL is not on,we will probably try to catch a movie or something.

I have challenged Mr. Pancakes to a camp of Monopoly but we will see if he will play with me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The lovely Carolyn of Life, Love and Puppy Printshas tagged me one more time...and i couldn't be happier to share my answers with you.Ladies, you are finding out so much about me the last couple of weeks.Awesome-ness!!!

Carolyn's QUESTIONS

1. Do you have a nickname? Explain what it is and why.

No sadly i do not. My African name is Naana, because i was named after my grandmother, but it's not a nickname. It's my name.

2. You're stranded on a desert island. What 3 things do you bring with you?

Mhmm...this is a hard one! How long am i stranded on the island?

Probably I would bring food (including sweets) because i am assuming there will be lots of water on the island. Directions to get off the island. And Mr. Pancakes of course because he would keep me calm and figure out how to survive on an island if the directions were not helpful in getting us off the island.

3. Would you rather eat sweet or salty food?

What's your favorite food in that category?

Oh another great question. This is tough because i love both sweet

and salty foods so it depends on what it is.

Fav sweet food item: chocolate.

Fav. salty food item: pretzels

4. Are you a heels or a flats type of girl?

I LOVE wearing heels for short periods of time and LOVE the way it makes me tall. However i am a flats type of girl at heart for sure!

5. Describe your perfect day. What does it entail?

This is definitely an easy on because it involves longlazy! Sleeping in with the Mister. Pancakes for breakfast. Lots of cuddling, reading our fav. books or magazines. Movie and dinner at home. Time spent with family. Scrabble. Talking.

Laughing and JUST spending and sharing time with one another.

6. What's your worst habit you'd like to break?

It was definitely biting my nails but i have been getting so much better at it. But lately it's been the P-word...wait for it...wait for it....PROCRASTINATION. BUT i am working on it and many of my blogging friends have been keeping me so accountable.

7. What's your favorite animal?

I am not much of an animal lover which apparently speaks to my lack of empathy towards human-kind so i am probably NOT in the right profession (aka: social worker).

It would definitely be earrings because i NEVER leave home without them.

I just believe i look like a boy without earrings because my hair is currently naturally short and sassy. But with natural hair, one needs some funky earrings.

9. If you were famous, would you rather be a movie star,

a singer or a reality TV star? Why?

Another awesome question, i would be a movie star because it's hard work only for a short period of time during the production and promotion of the movie. Plus you get to travel and go on exotic locations and get paid millions. Where do i sign up??

10. What made you start your blog?

Planning my wedding and then it has turned into a wonderful creative outlet where i dream, share and congregate with some amazing ladies.

11. What's one thing that we should know about you?

I LOVE to laugh about everything. Sometimes it's nerves but most of the time....laughter is just God's best medicine. If you checked out my post from yesterday, Yellow definitely makes me happy and when i am happy...i laugh of course!!

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Thanks ladies for reading...these tagging questions have been so much fun to answer!!

Hunting is definitely my passion although some people don't really understand it it's something I couldn't imagine my life without. I recently went to a Baton Rouge directv provider and signed up are a lot more of the outdoor channels since we are in the off-season now and I can't get out there and him every Saturday like I would like to. Of course, I own my own guns, but I don't think I'm doing any harm as I usually hunt deer and they are overpopulated anyway. I eat what I catch and I sell the rest for scrap so it's not like I'm wasting anything in I know that the environment is better off for the work that I do. I actually take a lot of pride in being a good shot in making sure that none of the animals I had ever suffer at all so I don't have any apologizing to do for my hobby. Now that I live back in the South it's a lot more accepted anyway.

I will like to introduce you to Asgreen, an annonymous blogger who is the author ofAlways the Planner,
to share with us how her first year of marriage has been going.
Asgreen has been married since November 5, 2010 amd just celebrated her first year anniversary.
I have been so thankful so many bloggers agreed to support this series.

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My husband and I have been married for 368 days (as of November 17, 11).

Our wedding was the big party we had hoped it would be and we both loved every minute.

However, we got married on a Friday and were both back at work that following Monday.

I was busy working full-time and going to school part-time,

while my husband was just about to start a part-time seasonal position (along with his full-time job).

So a honeymoon right away was out of the question.

Right after we got married everyone asked me whether or not I felt different. It is true that I felt as if I was a member of his family in a way I never did before. However, nothing seemed different in our relationship. We had already been living together, and besides opening a joint savings account everything seemed the same. The first six months of our marriage flew as I finished up school and we moved into a nicer apartment.

Every day I consider myself lucky to have found my husband.

I know that in our future we will face both joys and struggles,

but what matters to me is that we face them together.

Being married also changes the way you think. It is no longer just what I want or just “my” future.

Instead, when I think about my future career I now think about how my plans will work with his plans.

My husband does the same thing. We make decisions about our future together.

I imagine that this will only get more complicated when we start a family.

The truth is things do change when you get married.

It just took me some time to figure it out.

With every day and every trial our relationship gets stronger.

I know I am constantly learning how to be in our marriage.

We are both independent and strong-minded people

and so it sometimes takes us a while to figure things out.

In fact, I’ve found compromise to be the most difficult thing about marriage,

but it also yields the greatest joys.

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Thank you Asgreen for your reflections.
I do agree that things do change when we get married
but the best change is getting to spend the rest of our days enjoying the company of our love!

Question of the Day:What's the one question people would ask you during the first year of marriage?What's the one question you ask people who just got married?

What TeeVee (Television) shows bond you and the special people in your life?

To answer my own question, there aren't many shows Team Pancakes can watch together because Mr. Pancakes is not much of a TV viewer unless it's some sports related show like the NFL, NBA, NCAA, Boxing, UFC, you get my drift....but there are a few shows we can watch and enjoy together.

We LOVE and will LAUGH

out LOUD together include mostly 80s reruns like:

Mr. Pancakes knows each episode verbatim!

We've probably seen each episode like three times BUT we both laugh out loud each time!The ladies are still funny and relevant today.

And some financial shows like:

There is NOTHING like a Saturday night with Suze...denied, denied, denied!!

This is a Canadian show and was so glad when Mr. Pancakes liked her too!

I’m Katherine from Irish Italian Blessingsand I am THRILLED to be a part of the "Living Our Vows" series. When I first saw the idea for this series I was ecstatic. One of the reasons I’m so drawn to Mrs. Pancakes and her lovely blog is because I admire her excitement and dedication to her marriage, plus she’s fun and fabulous too!

"EVERY LOVE STORY IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT OURS IS MY FAVORITE"My husband and I recently celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and we've been together for 9 years, wow! That's a long time considering I met him and fell in love with him when I was only 21. I knew when I met him that he was the man I was going to marry.

When we got married it was so incredible because we were committing ourselves to each other in front of God and all of our family and friends but it was more than that. The day we said “I Do” we became more than husband and wife, we became a family. We exchanged vows and we promised to love and cherish one another until death do us part. We LOVE and CHERISH one another EVERY DAY.

Every day we say I love you, several times a day. Every day we kiss each other good morning, good night, hello and goodbye. Every day I wake up, I thank God for His amazing blessing of bringing me such a wonderful man. Every day I realize just how lucky I am to have him as my husband and best friend. Every Day I treasure my husband. Every Day I miss him when he’s gone. Every night when we have our time together, We tell each other just how lucky WE are and;
how thankful WE are and how much WE love each other. It truly goes both ways.

I can sit here and type out hundreds of thoughtful things we do; for each other. Just last night my husband told me that he knew the minute he laid eyes on me, he knew that he loved me. After nine years he’s never said that to me; and it made me feel his love and I felt closer to him than I already was. It’s so important to do those little things, take time to write those little notes, to say those little “I Love You’s” and to constantly remind each other just how much they mean to you.

Two months ago my father in law wrote this on his Facebook wall and I thought it was the perfect way to describe how we are "Living our Vows:"

Katherine and Brian ~ and Everyone who reads this note.; You are both tremendous individuals, taking the experiences of life and creating love. No living in the past, no competition, no saying why not us.Yes to sharing, Yes to caring, Yes to giving. It shows in all you do. Truly there is no 'white space' between you. I honor your love, I respect your shared family values, I treasure my moments with you both. Here's to the Future!

Thank you again for letting me be a part in such a special series and I look forward to reading more!

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Thank you Katherine for sharing how you and hubby are living your vows.