Danna first used this blog to share news about her husband Mike's battle with a brain tumor. After Mike's death in July 06, the blog became Danna's place to process grief, reflect on the world, and share thoughts relating to her life and research on media and politics.

4.17.2009

A bird's eye view

Here is a wordle (www.wordle.net) i created of all the content of the blog. it bases the size of the words in the graphic on their frequency in the text.

It's funny - i think that as time goes on, the size of "PJ" will get bigger as the size of "Mike" will get smaller. And that's ok.

Things have been quite wonderful lately. Such a feeling of "normal life" going on around us. We're about 6 weeks away from PJ and my wedding, so naturally there are emotional moments here and there. I still worry that my marrying PJ is the equivalent of asking the cosmos to come sabotage me once again - but I'm working on that. But the details are worked out. We're having a church wedding - at an Episcopal Church, followed by a decent sized reception at a country club. PJ's family is sooo giant that we have ended up with a pretty big list of attendees. I have been spending my free time working on lil' crafts, trinkets, the wedding program, and other fun details. I LOVE this stuff.

And to make the day quite distict from my wedding to Mike, there are a lot of intentional differences.

a) mike and I had a small outdoor wedding, officiated by a Unitarian Minister. PJ and I are having a big church wedding, officiated by a female Episcopalian priest.b) mike and I had a casual cocktail reception outside under a big tent. PJ and I are having a formal sit-down dinner inside a country club.c) mike and I each had one attendant. Liz was my maid of honor and Kevin was his best man. PJ and I each have SEVEN attendants. ???? nuts, right!d) When I married Mike, my dad walked me down the aisle. When I marry PJ, Baxter will walk me down the aisle. And I (and everyone else in the place) will surely fall to pieces.

I love planning this wedding. And even more - i love the idea of marrying PJ. He is an exceptional partner - and he's getting better all the time. He is also an amazing dad. Baxter is a lucky lucky boy.

I still have major fears that I will face for a long time. I fear PJ falling ill. I fear Baxter being abandoned again - either from my death or PJ's. I have physical and emotional reactions to some things that I cannot control. Certain sounds, smells, sights... throw me back. But it happens less and less frequently now.

I just found a lump on my thyroid that I need to have an ultrasound on... and that threw me back for a bit. Thyroid issues are prevalent in the women in my family - and the statistics surrounding thyroid issues suggest no real need for concern. However, when your husband is diagnosed with a brain tumor that has a 95% survival rate of five years or more... and then in 8 months he's dead... it messes with your ability to interpret risk and statistics properly.

So, I continue to struggle, but I try to be mindful. When I panic or react emotionally, I try to "get Meta" - "Why am I freaking out? What is the real source of this emotional response?"

But all in all, life is going on and it's going well. I wish the same for you.

After our daughter died, I spent a lot of time waiting for the other shoe to drop in all kinds of places - I'm sure I'll soon be fired from my new job, I'm sure my healthy daughters will get run over by a truck, etc. etc.

It took some time to get past that, but eventually I saw that good stories don't always end poorly. And even the bad stories don't always end poorly, as your upcoming wedding demonstrates.

"Regarded as dying, and, behold, we live"

Very excited for your upcoming day - not just yours, PJ's and Baxter's as well. Beautiful to see a family being formed again.

Glad youre back!! I've missed hearing about my favorite little guy!! I figured wedding was taking precedence right now. And it sounds like it will be wonderful. Who better to give his Mom to his new Dad? I'm sure our Baxter will do a wonderful job and I think someone special will be helping him because he would not want him to be without a Dad.Cant wait to hear more about it all.Jalena

About Me

Danna, 38, earned her PhD in communication at the University of Pennsylvania and is now on the faculty of the University of Delaware. In July 2006, her talented husband, Mike Young, died after a nine month battle with a brain tumor.

Through the process of his illness and death, Danna found meaning in her own life and strength - in loved ones and in herself. She is the mother to their 9 year old son, Baxter. In May 2009, Danna married the loving and witty PJ Gallagher. In 2010, PJ adopted Baxter (who has called PJ "dad" since 2008), and the couple welcomed baby Edie Eileen Young Gallagher into the world in May 2010.