All right. Enough is enough. People keep going and spouting off my name like it’s okay to run around and infringe my trademark. I tell you what, until I see some fucking Tyrannosaurs running around my back yard you should all just shut your mouth up. Shit just got real. If you don’t stop using my name immediately. You will suffer the below remedies.

1.I will sue you for no less than $1,000,0002.I will take your domain names and point them at this blog.3.I will obtain pictures of your face for Tara’s art4.I will make you watch this video for 10 days nonstop.5.I will make you clean up dinosaur poop, when I indeed secure dinosaurs.I am serious people. My name is unspeakable without express written consent. If you write it down, that’s like speaking it forever. So really, I am entitled to infinity damages. Also I am offering a $500 reward to anyone who can link me to someone using my name. I need more lawsuits. More.

So I can’t read Chinese but I’m pretty sure this article says how awesome I am. It’s probably full of factual accounts of how I am a champion of freedom. I bet it’s talking about how I am standing up for decency by stopping charities from receiving over $200k because the people donating were angry. You can’t donate angry. You can only donate while riding unicorns that shit skittles. You certainly can’t donate to make me look like a fool. I think 99% of America wants me to stop this Inman character and his Cash Christ mentality. I can’t believe he can just go around bribing bears and cancer patients with no remorse or moral compass. What next? Politicians taking bribes to insert amendments to laws? It’s really only a very vocal minority that keeps slandering me. Calling me all sorts of terrible names, like “Charles Carreon” and “Jack Thompson.” The only thing I don’t get is what the hell does Barbara Streisand have to do with it? Either way it is time to go full Rakofsky.

All I know is that when this is all over, I am going to take my $220,024 plus attorney fees and go to Asia where I can get a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I heard they find Tyrannosaurus Rex fossils in Mongolia all the time. Does anyone know how much a live Tyrannosaurus Rex would set me back? I bet China would be a great place to silence your critics…

Well since I’ve been inundated with publicity and the likes I thought it was time to capitalize on it and create my very first consumer products line! Today I humbly submit to you my new brand of travel accessories called Carreon Luggage. See I’ve been married to a… special person for many years, so I know all about the hassles of dragging dead weight around. I also am known for filing litigation for just about any reason any where, so my slogan is going to be “We get your shit where it’s going. Carreon Luggage.” I believe that by leveraging my new found fame I will be able to monetize it and then take the money and dinotize(R) it. I have brought this idea to two separate firms so far and they’ve turned me down, which further proves the Mafia CIA Illuminati Luciferist conspiracy against me. So I ask that you all please begin placing funds in a trust that I will manage, and we’ll split profits accordingly. Once we have the initial investment down, I will contact my supporters in Asia to begin production of the Luggage which will be sold at flea markets and by street vendors. If anything goes wrong with the initial strategy, we’ll blame someone else for our failings and sue them to recuperate at least $200,000. If anyone writes a review critical of our prices or quality, we’ll sue them too for lost dinosaur profits. This will work….

Maybe being a Carreon isn’t what it’s cut out to be after all. It seems to me being a Nilan is where the dinosauce(R) is. Take Meredith Nilan for instance, this girl goes around hitting people with her car one night and then doesn’t even stop, what happens to her? Nothing. Yeah that’s right. Clifford J. Nilan, Chief Probation Officer of the Berkshire Superior Court is her pops, her daddy-o, her old man. It pays knowing people in the court, I bet I could subjugate many a blogger for dinosaurs if I had someone like that in my corner. The best part? The only guy blogging about it not only gets ordered to stop, but has to delete all his old posts. I mean these Nilans got dinosaur blood running through their veins.

Imagine if I could just wipe out any court documents I wanted? I COULD SUE ANYONE FOR ANYTHING! If things started going south, dad’s got your back, the case never happened. He’s like a court case assassin. Then when they are like “our court documents are missing” and accuse me, I sue for defamation! I wonder if I could preemptively trademark Charles Nilan… how does Tara Nilan sound? Imagine the power. Bad decisions without culpability? I could repeatedly double-down into a swirling vortex of dinosaur litigious rage…

So we know for sure now, that Matthew Inman is part of a broader Nazi Illuminati Luciferist CIA Mafia conspiracy against us. For dinosaur’s sake the guy’s mom is part of an elite group of Nazi Mystics, his father is a menace to society, and they divorced in order to throw people off the scent of their ultimate plan. What was that ultimate plan? To undermine our very existence and split this country in two. To force our people into a quagmire from which there is no return. In other words, the Inman’s are directly responsible for SCOTUS upholding ObamaCare. That is right. Look what’s happening! People are threatening to move from our country to Canada to escape socialist health care.

I told you the Illuminati are trying to drive good people out of this country so that the Pterodactyl gang can take over and institute their cannibal policies. Do you really want to see people eating babies? No. So stand with me and demand that our court system give me all the proceeds from the IndieGoGo BearLove Campaign. This is why I have asked the courts to place a restraining order on IndieGoGo from delivering the money to the cannibal campaign. Stand with me people of America. Send me your dinosaurs, so that I may vanquish our evil foe. For the Tyrannosaurus Rex!!!

So Tara figured it out. It’s all in Inman’s grammar. His apostrophes are secret codes to incite rebellion and empower the Illuminati. His fixation with the English language betrays his knowledge of the “truth” language that can subvert the government and stop your taxation. These apostrophes here and there, not here nor there, they are a code. If we can break this code we could never pay a bill again. I hate paying bills, and when I fall late on them, I sue. See people don’t realize that about me sometimes. My therapist explained it to me well one day. This is how I work:

1.Get idea.2.Take brash action.3.Fail.4.Blame others.5.Sue.

It’s a simple blueprint that I repeat over and over, and it feels like I can’t stop. Like the time I built a house without a permit to use the land. Then when I got cited and eventually had to demolish the structure, I…. SUED. However unfortunately I lost that case because Oregon colluded to keep a Tyrannosaurus Rex away from me. They even had the gall to say that were no live dinosaurs in Oregon… typical CIA answers. You know what they say… Haters going to hate, Slater’s going to slate, and I’m going to slate.

So the only reason anyone would donate money to anyone else is for a tax exemption.

Finally, Inman fails to see that in order to avoid taking improper advantage of his misappropriation of the names of NWF and ACS, by means of which he led Bear Love donors to believe they were making tax deductible donations,

Seriously. Who the hell wants to pay taxes, and who cares about people with cancer? No one. So our government made it legal to claim any money you gave to the unwashed masses for their cancer could be deducted from your tax bill, that way cancer got its and you got yours. Now I only donated to Bear Love to get my goddamn tax credit, and I can’t even get it because I didn’t donate to the actual charity or something. What bullshit. See, I’m not suing to take all the money from Matthew Inman, all I want is my $10.00 tax credit and for everyone else to get their tax credit… man that sounded better in my head. I seriously need to buy better bullshit at the crazy market. No one is going to believe that’s why I’m suing Inman.

Fourth, they did not disclose Indiegogo’s fees at any time, since there is no “clickwrap” agreement to be signed digitally by donors at the time of contribution.

Maybe the whole part where I explain how they didn’t clickwrap a disclosure on any fees IndieGoGo asserted will stick. I’m shoveling shit faster than I can even keep up on that document. I impress myself sometimes. I don’t understand why we can’t just settle this thing out of court, I’ll accept $211,000 or one live Tyrannosaurus Rex. Let’s be reasonable people. I will also be filing to change the lawsuit parties to this:

CHARLES CARREON VS. THE ILLUMINATIUnited States District CourtNorthern District of CaliforniaCase No.: CV-12-3112-EMC

That will really hit home the point that I am a sane individual who can be trusted with a charitable trust. See they are the crazy people, The Illumianti. I am just a simple man, fighting for justice for all humans with the last name Carreon.

“California code is just so long, but there’s something in there about this,” (Note interview happened the night before the article was published otherwise known as June 14th)

Based on what I saw on page one of Exhibit B, I understood that if I clicked to contribute, Indiegogo would give $5 to ACS and $5 to NWF. [...] With the expectation that I would be making a tax-deductible donation to two widely respected, trustworthy charities dedicated to the elimination of cancer the protection of wildlife, respectively, I donated $10 to the Bear Love campaign, and received the receipt attached as Exhibit C.

It looks bad, like I donated after threatening to find any way to sue Matthew Inman possible, just to twist California law in order to find cause… Seriously though, I don’t sue people over misconceived vendettas, I sue people for dinosaurs. I know it looks like I signed a letter to the court under the risk of perjury that I had no way to know that my donation was not tax deductible. I had no way to know that IndieGoGo was going to take 4% either. What sort of website offers to handle tons of financial transactions a day and charges? I thought banks, and paypal, and credit card companies just did it for the sake of humanity. NO ONE COULD HAVE KNOWN! Does anyone know a good lawyer?

I want to have it known that I am not against the First Amendment. I love the freedom of speech. I just don’t love it when people exercise their freedom in a way that makes me look dumb. There needs to be limits, limits I say. You can’t just go around telling me you won’t take down any posts that make my client look stupid, and then humiliate me in the process. What was I supposed to do?

“I know I said there’d be money… um… well here’s a -picture- of money anyway… oh and a drawing of your mom trying to seduce a bear… What do you think of my job performance?”

You might not be a lawyer but imagine trying to tell a client, customer, boss, etc. that shit. That’s not something you can put on your resumé. How am I supposed to take that sentence above, go to Funny Junk and ask for a Tyrannosaurus Rex? I’m pretty sure those sort of results are what get’s you making these for a living at my age. Bad as that seems, it’s nothing compare to the truth.

Apparently this was all some Illuminati plot to discredit me. I am not sure if Funny Junk was involved in it, but Matthew Inman the clone of Bobby Ray Inman is definitely Illuminati. The Pope Hat Haters are all members of this shadowy organization trying to silence me from spreading the truth about their fascist plot to control our destiny. This is true proof that myself and Tara may be the only people left on Earth who are not being controlled by the Weeping Angels. If you need further proof look at this secret code instructing all Illuminati to converge and lay into work Project Clean Mind, aka brainwashing!

Adam Steinbaugh • Jun 30, 2012 @9:46 pm

Now knowing this all as we do, I have moved to a secret bunker and will be surviving off of Vienna Sausages and Tang. I do not take this action lightly, but I can trust no one. For the sake of humanity we must go underground and rise again when the NWO has forgotten about us. I just wish I had secured a Tyrannosaurus Rex for the coming battles.

I just received Indiegogo’s reply to my Temporary Restraining Order application and…. well… I feel like less of a man right now. I mean if some idiot law school graduate could foresee this and I couldn’t, what does that make me? I am still in hiding, but now my mood is as dark as this mud cave I am living in. I mean I could have filed the order earlier but I was busy stockpiling canned food and dry drink mixes. I could have researched how the fund donated via PayPal went straight to Inman, or consulted a tax attorney to see if Inman would even benefit from the donations. I could have found precedents like the Indiegogo attorneys instead of trying to quote random California statutes to make my complaints sound logical at the time. In retrospect, I could have just dropped this all when everyone was pissed at Funny Junk and not me, but… I didn’t, and I blame the Illuminati completely for forcing me into this. It’s a conspiracy. I just… hurt in my torso places. Anyway, I have to go pick earthworms out of my bran flakes…

Update: Inman has responded, my night isn’t getting any better… I should have hired his lawyers to represent me…