Robert Petrovicky of Latvia's Dinamo Riga takes out his frustration of having to play the first 5 games in Bumblefuck, Russia on little Anisin of Sibir Novosibirsk.

In this week’s KHL round-up:

Are Enforcers Really Necessary?

Top 5 Goals of the Week as Determined by Putin.

16-year Old Boy Towering Over Men.

Is Sarah Palin an Expert on Russian Hockey?

Is It Time to Question Jaromir Jagr’s Leadership Qualities Yet?

Has Barry Smith Been in Russia Too Long?

Every Friday there’s now a new show on Russian TV called “Hokkey Rossii” which can be translated as “Russian Hockey” or more accurately “Hockey of Russia” (even though it sounds weird to us for some reason).

This week’s show’s main theme was the discussion on whether the KHL needs enforcers. Tons of Russian league fights were shown while the two pundits in the studio debated the question. The debate got so heated that at one point the host of the show was close to losing control of the situation almost resulting in the commercial break not being shown! The horror.

Alas, order was restored, the commercials went ahead as planned (you can now move off the edge of your seat), no one in the studio was physically harmed, and the mobile fan poll produced the results slightly in favor of the skating pugilists (by about 5%). We figure that fan poll results were a bit skewed due to the fact that none of the old farts who would have surely voted against the imported bourgeoisie penchant for fisticuffs have learned how to use the texting feature on their mobile devices yet.

During the impromptu poll of KHL coaches only Andrei Nazarov of Traktor Chelyabinsk (predictably) was in favor of adding some Hanson brothers action to the KHL while Slava Bykov (note to the Canadian announcers – it is NOT pronounced Bye-kof), the head coach of CSKA Moscow, wondered out loud what the term “policeman” has to do with hockey.

– I know of the following positions in hockey. Center, left wing, right wing, defenseman and goaltender. Last I checked the position of policeman does not exist in hockey and is from another field called law enforcement.

Touche, Mr. Bee-kof, touche.

Now we’re not sure who won the studio brouhaha since the debaters did not resort to fisticuffs and we always have a difficult time determining the winner of a debate when violence isn’t used as an argument. What we’d like to see is Don Cherry invited to such a debate next time. We’d like to see someone put a fist to where Don’s big mouth is.

Oh yeah, they did show some actual hockey on the program, as well. Here are the Top 5 KHL Goals of the Week as determined by Vladimir Putin himself.

Okay, we’re not really sure if Putin picks the top 5 goals, but everyone in the West seems to think that he’s in charge of every single aspect of Russian life so we’ll just pretend that it’s true. Good work, Vladi! Who are we to disagree with Mr. Putin after all? We just blog.

If you’re a fan of seeing someone’s face smashed into the boards (and we know you are, you sick, sick bastards) here’s a video of Spartak Moscow’s Alexei Akifyev painting the boards with his blood during the Moscow derby against the Red Army club courtesy of CSKA’s defenseman, Denis Kulyash. Kulyash sounds almost like goulash to us and in Russia it is apparently a dish better served cold.

Last year’s RSL champions Salavat Yulayev of Ufa finished the first two weeks of their KHL adventure with a perfect record of 4-0 and seemingly have not broke a sweat yet, even in games against top level opposition (like Jaromir Jagr‘s Avangard Omsk). 6-0 was the result of that “battle of the titans”. We have a question for Rangers fans. Is it time to question Jagr’s leadership qualities yet?

Do keep your eye on Metallurg Novokuznetsk’s 16-year old phenom Maxim Kitsyn who scored 3 goals in his first two KHL games. His team is off to a surprisingly good start and we’re very impressed with a high school age kid doing his thing at the KHL level. Not to mention the fact that at just 16 the boy towers over most men in the league.

Dinamo Riga finally returned home after a brutal 5-game road trip to the Far East to start the season (we think Sarah Palin might have even seen their two games vs. Amur Khabarovsk from Alaska, which no doubt now makes her an expert on Russian hockey) and played to a full crowd at Arena Riga. This marked a historic occasion as the famous Latvian club was resurrected as a KHL franchise after a decade of extinction (if only the dinosaurs were so lucky).

They celebrated with a 2-1 win over Hokkeynyi Klub Ministerstva Vnutrennikh Del Balashikha (Moskovskaya Oblast)… sheesh, we are fluent in Russian and that was a mouthful even for us. Okay, you can just call it HK MVD Moscow Region.

On the other hand, Barys Astana, another non-Russian KHL club are yet to win at home in Kazakhstan. And no, Borat is not on their team. Perhaps that’s the problem. We shall see.

Metallurg Magnitogorsk, lovably known as Magnitka, is off to a very slow start, even having suffered a 6-0 humiliation at the hands of Jagr’s Avangard. The reigning European Cup champions will face the NHL’s New York Rangers in the inaugural Victoria Cup come October 1st and on this form might not be the best representative of the KHL. If we were Putin we’d make an executive decision to replace them with Salavat Yulayev of Ufa.

SKA St. Petersburg is also having major issues and started the season far below expectations. After their last loss their head coach Barry Smith, in true Putin style, proclaimed, “I promise to the people of this great city we call St. Petersburg, that they will never see a 2nd period like this from us ever again!”

“And if they do”, he continued, “I will personally see to it that those responsible are held accountable!”

Wow, the chill has run down our spine. Russia is definitely rubbing off on Barry after just over a year. Must be the borscht.

If you take a tour of hockey blogs and forums there are a lot of ignorant opinions flying around about the level of the RSL and the new KHL by people who have never seen any Russian League games. Instead of talking about something you know nothing about why not check out the games for yourself so that you can make up your mind based on facts rather than thin air? This kinda typical North American style ignorant bravado reminds me of constant yelling “America is #1” by hicks who have never been more than 5 miles away from their own backyard.

I was quite skeptical myself, but was able to watch quite a few RSL games last year and the level exceeded all my expectations. The games were actually very entertaining, the skill level was very good and many of the goals would have made any NHL highlight reel. In fact, at times the passing combinations were of the quality rarely seen in the NHL. It’s a different kind of hockey than the NHL (less physical, although is getting more and more physical each year), but to say that the skill level sucks or to compare it to the ECHL is sheer ignorance. It’s typical Russian style with a very high individual skill level and combination play.

On the Russian TV coverage and its production value.

The only thing that was left a lot to be desired was the quality of production. Few camera angles (mostly from too far away), mostly very bad commentary (if you don’t understand Russian this won’t bother you), no meaningful pre-game or post-game coverage, etc. Hopefully, the people running the KHL understand the need to improve it drastically if they want a good looking TV product.

Anyway, for those who’d like to check it out for themselves you can see a bunch of games on this blog that I started last year just for that purpose – to give North American fans a chance to see Russian hockey league games for themeselves. I had exactly what some guys asked for on some of the blogs and forums with “The RSL Game of the Week“. I chose only the best matchups such as games between top clubs, local rivalries and the infamous brawl filled game that made the highlights around the world including in North America.

On what the hell happened to this blog?

I’ve received quite a few inquiries concerning the sudden death of this blog, so I should at least explain what happened.

Right as the RSL playoffs rolled around I had to drop off, unfortunately, due to lack of time after getting a job at a startup, but might try again this year, especially since there’s a lot more interest in the league due to all the buzz and controversy (despite what some commenters here have said).

On whether there be TV coverage of the KHL available in North America?

Lastly, If I were working for the KHL I’d make sure that the games are available for free online with English language commentary (it is essential for them to do this to take advantage of all the media buzz because it will never be as strong as when the league kicks off its inaugural season), however, I have my doubts about the business acumen and sophistication of the people running the KHL. All you have to do is check out the logo they unveiled. However, we shall see what happens. Maybe I’m underestimating them and they’ll handle the launch of the league the way a good North American or Western European CEO would.

P.S. If anyone comes across any info regarding the TV coverage of the KHL and / or the Victoria Cup please post in the comments section below.