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Sexting Teens

So, what is "sexting"? Well, believe it or not, this is a new rage where teens are sharing sexually risqué messages and/or nude pictures of themselves or others via text or on-line. While many teens openly admit that they know it's wrong to post these sexual photos, they feel the odds of getting caught are so low that they are willing to run the risk.

Why are teen's sexting? Peer pressure! This is the most common answer reported by teens. They state they did it because someone asked them to. I know, it seems like they could easily say no, but imagine you're a teenage girl or boy who has a serious crush on someone, yeah you remember those days. You think you're in love and you'll do anything to keep your true love happy. So, you take that revealing photo and SMS it to the person you love. The act is done in less than 30 seconds. All it takes is a bad break up and that photo can be shared with more people than you can fathom in less than another 30 seconds. In fact, in less than a minute a teen's life can be "virtually" ruined, no pun intended.

Another common reason for sexting is that it's a great way to "hook up." In case you're not familiar with this term, it basically means anything from sexually connecting on-line to sexual intercourse. Teens don't have to be dating a person to "hook up." This new type of quickie is becoming more popular with teens than traditional dating and "hooking up" on-line is fun and a great way to experiment with sex safely. Safe from pregnancy and STDs, yes, safe from millions of pedophiles viewing their pictures, no!

Sexting has also received a lot of attention in the courtroom.Take the case of Phillip Alpert, who at the age of eighteen emailed nude photos of his 16 year old ex-girlfriend and was charged with child pornography. Now in his twenties, he is a registered sex offender (you can read more about his story by following the link in resources below.) Yes, in some states, sexting is a punishable offense and falls in with child pornography. It doesn't even matter if it's the teen's own photo they posted or not. If it's a picture of a minor, then there's a problem. In some states, if a teen's found guilty of child pornography he/she will have to register as a convicted sex offender that can adversely impact their future (e.g., college admission and obtaining a job).

Fortunately, some states are beginning to re-visit sexting charges for teens. Recently, New Jersey, realized that convicting teens of child pornography and labeling them as a convicted sex offender may not fit the crime. As a result, they just passed a law that requires first time offenders to attend a diversionary program rather than face the consequences of a criminal record. For a more extensive list of sexting laws in your state visit the website listed in the resources section.

How many teens are sexting? The answer may surprise you. One survey suggests, 1 in 5 teens admitted to posting sexually explicit pictures on-line. To help understand teen sexting behaviors," The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl .com conducted a survey with 653 teens (ages 13-19) to explore the sexual use of sending or posting sexually suggestive messages or texts. Some of their findings are listed below:

Teens who say they have sent or posted a sexually revealing photo or video:

20% of all teens

22% of teen girls

18% of teen boys

Teens that have sent sexually suggestive messages:

39% of all teens

37% of teen girls

40% of teen boys

48% admit to receiving suggestive messages

Who Teens are sending sexually suggestive images and messages to:

71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys have shared sexual messages or pictures with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

21% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys have shared sexual messages or pictures with someone that they were interested in or wanted to hook up with.

15% of teen have admitted to sending or posing nude or semi-nude pictures to someone they knew on-line.

In another teen sexting study, Pew Research Center's Internet & American Life Project (2009) surveyed teens ages 12-17, relating to texting sexual images via cell phone, below are some of their findings.

15% of cell-owning say they have received sexual photos on their cell phone.

Older teens are much more likely to send and receive sexting images; 8% of 17-year-olds with cells have sent a sexual photo via text. 30% of 17 year-olds have received a sexual image on their phone.

The teens who pay their own phone bills are more likely to send "sexts": 17% of teens who say they pay for their cell phones send admit to sending sexually suggestive images via text

Results Concluded the three main scenarios for sexting: 1) exchange of images solely between two romantic partners; 2) exchange of images between partners that are shared with others outside the relationship 3) exchange of images between people who are not yet in a relationship, but where at least one person wants to be.

According to these findings it's apparent that we all need to take a role in educating our teens about the negative consequences of sexting. We also need to empower our kids with the ability to "just say no" if someone asks them to do something they really don't want to or know that they shouldn't do. Below are some parenting tips to help you ensure your teen's exercising good judgment on-line.

For Parents

1. Talk to teens about inappropriate and appropriate use of modern technology. One way is to outline your expectations by creating a computer/cell phone contract with your teen.

2. Have your teens take an internet safety class. Just like many kids have to take Driver's Education in order to prepare for getting their license, have your teen take an internet safety course.

5. Randomly, have your teen share with you any photos in their phone and computer gallery. Also, make them make you a friend on Face Book or share their username and password with you to any of their social networking sites. This way you can periodically check to make sure everything their posting is acceptable.

6. Teach your teen to not respond impulsively to anything on-line or via text. Filtering can help a trigger happy teen from making a permanent, potentially life altering mistake. Encourage your teen to evaluate the consequences of posting their thoughts or pictures before hitting the send button.

7. Make sure your teen understands that once pictures are out there, there's no way of getting them back, even if they're deleted from their phone or computer. This is a scary reality about operating on-line. Let your teens know that www not only stands for "World Wide Web" it also stands for "Whole World's Watching."

8. Most importantly, encourage an open dialogue between you and your teen. Set aside some time each day to just listen and talk with your teen about what's going on in their life.

Parents are not the only ones who have a responsibility in educating youth about sexting; Educators, Community Members and Business Leaders also play a vital role. We need to offer programs that help teens realize the consequences of abusing technology. Our programs need to be tailored to both the teen and parent, as both parties need to be made aware of the repercussions of internet abuse. We need to teach teens how to safeguard themselves in a techno savvy world. If we join our forces together we can prepare and equip our teens to make good decisions about what they post and share on-line.

...and not the latest, that of the Pew Internet Project, cited here (http://www.netfamilynews.org/?p=28684), which says 4% of US 12-to-17-year-olds have sent and 15% have received. If 96% of teens DON'T send sexts (and receiving is for the most part no choice of their own), it's hardly "a new rage"!

Hello,
Thank you for your message. Due to your comment, I have re-visited the blog and included the results of Pew Research Center's Internet & American Life Project 2009 Teen Sexting survey.

As with all research, one must carefully read the parameters of the study. I choose to cite The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl .com in my blog because the definition of “sexually suggestive messages” included more ways for sexting risque images and sexual messages through texting, emailing, videos, on-line posts and IMing. Conversely, Pew’s study defined sexting only through sharing sexual images via a cell phone. With this narrow definition of sexting (images shared via cell), one could suspect the statistics for sexting among teens to decrease (you’ve limited your population). Therefore, it’s difficult to do a comparative analysis and make inferences between two studies (apples to oranges).

However, it is important to provide the reader with all of the information to let them discern and form their own impression. Thank you for reading my blog and providing your insight.

I know right...and studies show its actually ADULTS who are sexting. Another thing I want to point out is...if sexting is "wrong" then why arent there articles warning GROWN people about the dangers seeing as they are the biggest precentage of sexters(hey i am included in the grown people category)?

I dont get why this whokle thing is being made into a big deal especially since most teens arent doing it and when there are much bigger issues to tackle....such as teaching abstinance instead of sex ed. childhood hunger,ect ect ect not some dimwits sending nudie pics.

I think parents invading their teens' Facebooks and doing random "phone checks" is just the kind of hovering that would make their kids act out more. If teens think something is "bad" or forbidden, they'll want to do it even more, and they will find a way. An internet safety class? No teenager would take that seriously. I'm 18, and the kids I met in high school who would be involved in sexting, the ones who lost their virginity at 14 in their boyfriend's backseat in the school parking lot, are the ones with these kinds of helicopter parents. These always seem to be the parents who think they're helping their kids when, really, they have no idea what's going on in their lives. I think the test of a good parent is one who doesn't need to hover, who raised their teen well enough that they can let them learn from their small mistakes and trust that they are smart enough not to make big ones, like sexting pictures. Teens always find a way around the parents.

I know you know much more than me about child psychology, but I'm just speaking from experience.

What Juliana said is True. By the time a kid is a teen...a parent has either done a good job of parenting, or Not. Nurturing, Guiding & Authentic Involvement in the lives of kids is what they require & Desire; Not Gestapo tactics of Search & Accusation which only breed contempt and Rebellion. I Know, I Was Rebellious, Thank God I survived, but I Could have Thrived. By the time I was 18 I was Drafted & Then I grew up Quick!

As a stepparent to a young teen girl who was caught sending these sorts of photos to a boy who asked for them, the question is, what can you do about it? You can't change the way the ex-spouse parents (which admittedly has something to do with it) and taking away the technology solves the problem but doesn't teach responsible use and fix any self-esteem problem of being so desperate for a boy's attention that she'll knowingly do the wrong thing. On the one hand, every site for parents say keep an eye on kids, on the other, every kid says let there be trust ... and it's too late when another parent calls to tell you what your child is doing unsupervised. According to commenter Juliana, by hovering now that she has broken the trust, her parents will drive her to even more desperate acts of rebellion. So many of these articles talk about what it is but not what to do about it when it happens in your home.

It sounds like you, your family and more importantly your step-daughter have been through a lot. You're right, my blog is more of way to get information to parents to prevent their teen from sexting. It doesn't cover the aftermath or consequences of it. I will address this issue, as well as provide coping strategies in a future blog.

Without knowing more of the situation, I can't give a specific plan for your step-daughter but for now here are few general things that you can do.

1. If the photos were posted to any sites request removal. If the boy doesn't remove them go directly to the site's operator and report abuse. Also, if rude comments are being shared on social networking sites close her account and open a new one, only accepting close friends. You can also use the "block" feature on sites to keep abusive behavior from occuring. If the messages are occuring via cell, you can either block numbers or change to a new number.
2. Encourage an open dialogue with your teen. Talk about how she feels. Let her know that you're there for her. You may also want to consider having her speak with a counselor or helping professional that will help her work on her self-esteem and confidence.
3. Let her know that we all make mistakes, the key is learning from them. While she can't go back in the past and change anything, she can definitely grow from this experience into a better person.

Thank you for reading "Teen Angst" and keep posted for a future blog on this issue.

What do you do when the other parent, who the children live with, does not support you in trying to monitor and discipline the child that is sexting. She just went and told him to change his password so that we could not see it anymore. So frustrating, I just care about my son/step-son and she just wants to go against us, no matter what the cost. HELP!!

This is a difficult situation. It's hard to raise a child when all parties aren't in agreement. This is especially true if the teen isn't living full-time with you. Plus, you are in a unique role of being the step-parent and you don't want to jeopardize your relationship with your step-son. This is a "pick and choose your battles" dilemma. You may want to have your spouse take the lead on this situation. I would hate for your relationship with your step-son to become strained; it is evident that you care for him deeply.

That is so true. Talk about the darker side of web. Once I caught my elder son venturing into such stuff and patiently talked him out of it. But that said, I am not ready to believe that he won't do it again. On a friend's recommendation, I installed a parental control program called Qustodio from http://www.qustodio.com. Apart from the fact that its free, I liked the fact that it blocked sites, tracked data, and also the fact if someone was trying to get involved with my kids on social media sites. I've liked it and recommend it to anyone trying to keep a tab on their kids.

Sexting is not bad between consenting adults obviously, and that's all teenagers are trying to do, is become adults. I believe just like with every other "adult" concept, it must be explained and not hidden or shunned. I wrote a guide on How to sext where I give a super in-depth analysis of how to set it up a scenario smoothly where sexting makes sense, and what kind of dynamics go down.