Buddy Hield 21 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2017)

I’ve totally done a 180 on this 12-foot-tall 3D-printed statue of Buddy Hield that I have chilling out in my apartment. After I spent most of last year trying various ways to ignore it or remove it from my life entirely through increasingly desperate means, now this thing is basically my best friend. It’s nice to have a companion around the house that’s not my little kitty Japurri Purrker. Don’t get me wrong, Japurri is the best cat in the universe, but sometimes a naked purple-plastic statue of Buddy Hield can provide a level of companionship that a four-legged feline friend simply can’t.

Buddy’s become more expressive in these first few weeks of the season. When he first came to life, he could really only express his thoughts through his actions. Like, if he thought I was working too hard and needed something to eat, he would get out a box of Pop-Tarts and set it on my desk, and that was his way of showing concern for my well-being. Sometimes he would laugh if I said something funny, like if I was bouncing description ideas off of him, but often he would just sit there in silence and I couldn’t figure out what was going through his mind.

But now he’s at the point where I can almost have a conversation with him, even though he doesn’t talk, he only grunts, murmurs nonsense, and nods. If I ask him if Victor Oladipo is too good for my channel, he doesn’t just give me a yes/no answer, but he provides a nuanced response conveyed through hand gestures and changes in the tone of his indistinct babbling.

In case you’re wondering, Buddy thinks Oladipo is too good for my channel.

Since Buddy seems so well-adjusted to human customs (I don’t know where he learned them, I’m a highlights hermit who has no concept of propriety or manners), I feel comfortable taking him on short trips, like to go get the mail from the mailbox. He doesn’t fit in my car because he’s so tall, but there’s a lot of place we can walk to. So far I’ve only been taking him out in the super-early morning, like 2 AM, because I don’t know if having a sentient 3D-printed statue with a gigantic…you know what…hanging down there is illegal in some capacity. Also, I don’t think mankind as a whole is ready for gigantic Buddy Hield statues who have developed their own form of intelligence. But Buddy really likes being outside where he doesn’t have to hunch over just to walk anywhere, so it’s pretty much a nightly thing now.

I feel like me and Buddy are gonna go on some awesome adventures. His large size and indestructibility make it easy to go places without worrying about him. He’s my best friend.