Spoiling my kids

How do I keep from spoiling my kids? I mean this in a very materialistic sense – with things, not with love and affection. How do I find the line between giving them what they would love, and going overboard?

It’s been on my mind a lot since Christmas, and then this morning I saw this bed:

My immediate thought was “wow, what an amazing bed. Hang on a minute, why can’t I be that mum who buys this bed?”

Clearly it’s one-of-a-kind and not the usual fare for regular bedrooms. But if I can afford it, why shouldn’t I get it? I don’t even know if I can afford it, you have to sign up to even glimpse the price. But is this a reasonable thing to do? Why shouldn’t they have it if that’s what I want to give them?

Never mind this bed is about the size of Abby’s whole bedroom at the moment so the logistics are way off, but what if I wanted to get it in the future?

When I was buying things for Christmas, I was keenly aware that I didn’t want to go overboard. I was buying things like easels and paints and things Abby was just starting to get interested in because I wanted to have them for use throughout the year. I also bought her summer clothes and some books. But I wrapped them individually and after about 10 things it started to look a bit much. I didn’t want her to get overwhelmed, or worse yet, start expecting that I had to outdo myself every year lest she carry on Dudley Dursley-style. As it turned out, after opening a little tent, some swimmers and a pair of shoes, she was over it and we had to open a couple of presents each day for a couple of days after. Then what was that teaching her? That Christmas goes for days? (I may be over-thinking that one, she wasn’t even two, but I learned not to make that a habit for when she is more aware.)

So I’m not exactly Scrooge McDuck rolling around in piles of money, but I have more than I did when I was growing up. I like my kids to have nice things and I fully intend to teach them the value of what they have and to look after it, in age-appropriate ways. I intend to have them volunteer and to regularly give away toys they don’t want or need any more. But I will buy them the latest thing if they want it, just because I can. And it’s fun to have toys and things as a kid. But how do I not raise a brat? One who knows her mother will buy her whatever she wants because she’s fricking adorable? What are the best ways of teaching them delayed gratification so by the time they get that LEGO set they really wanted, it means that much more to them? What’s the balance between buying them nice things and making them wait? I also think it’s a good idea to help them put money away in order to pay for something larger that they want. But is buying them a My Little Pony here and there for no good reason except they asked going to undo all the important things I want to teach them?

Having said that, I’ve never bought either of them a My Little Pony, but I might one day! I never had them as a kid and I was supremely jealous of all who did!

I was chatting to a friend recently who did grow up comfortably, and had lots of lovely things. She is completely grounded and works her ass off the the cool stuff she buys her kids. Sometimes I leave there via the shops because Abby finds something she likes to play with and I want her to have one at home. I don’t know if that’s weird or normal. I purposely didn’t buy her very much when she was younger as I figured kids were happy with pots and pans and empty boxes. I realised I was doing her a disservice and that a variety of things to play with is good for her development. So now I feel like I’m just stocking our home with things that they will use and play with for a good long while yet, rather than just buying her millions of toys because she’s a kid and it’s fun. But I’m buying these things outside of birthdays and Christmases and the usual times one would expect to buy items for children. For her recent birthday she got a lovely little wooden kitchen and some natural wooden blocks finished with beeswax. In six months it will be Pepper’s birthday and they’ll get some more things to play with, and the same at Christmas. I don’t buy them things on a whim very much (I loathe going to the shops!), although it does happen. But when they’re old enough to ask for them, and I’ve got the spare cash to buy it, I hope by then I’ve figured out how to do it without creating materialistic monsters.

If you have figured out this balance, please let me know! Or if you had parents who were generous with things but also taught you the value of them, hit me up. And if you had a My Little Pony, can we be friends?

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I’m not sure what the answer is on this one Stacey, so I’ll be following along to read the comments.

I don’t like to buy my kids too much – probably because I was given everything as a kid but was not taught the value of money or the importance of working for things (and I’m trying to lessen our eco-footprint).

My man, however, loves to go overboard with presents at birthdays and xmas and as much as it drives me nuts, I love seeing how good it makes them all feel.

Ha we were just the opposite, we really didn’t get very much at all. Everything I have I worked for and I just missed out a lot as a kid. So I can see where I’m coming from might be a bit warped! I also don’t want to buy my kids things that are wasteful and I try to buy mostly eco-friendly and sustainable.

I do want to go nuts at Christmas, but also to teach them that it’s a once-a-year thing. And how do I balance that with buying them things for the hell of it?! So I’m looking forward to seeing the comments too.

It is so damn hard, hard, hard. We don’t have what I had growing up, I was spoilt and very well loved. The first few years of Miss Ava’s life gifts was more about what she needed, because they grow out of stuff in like, a week. The reality of what she most loves are new pencils or textas, colouring books and drawing books. I shop wisely, she wears the very best shoes, because I just must. She is crazy spoilt by both sets of grandparents, and I try curb our spending. Most of her play room favourites are op-shop golden books!

Haha Abby is the same! When I do buy things at the moment it is craft stuff and books (mostly secondhand) but I do buy good-quality clothes because it will last two children! I want to buy quality over quantity, but sometimes I just want to get them a little something that will make them happy. We don’t have grandparents who spoil like that so I guess that means I can!

As long as they can be grateful and not expect things why not give them a magical upbringing?! That bed is awesome and would inspire hours and hours of amazing imaginative play – there’s a difference between buying quality items and piles of crap plasticness – I want a bed like that he he he :0)

They do start to feel entitled when they get older and it’s such a hard habit to break, this buying of stuff whenever you’re at the shops because you know they’ll like it. Having a variety of things to play with is fine if you have somewhere to store them. I find that the more toys my kids have, the less they play with them. Storing things away, or just giving them away and leaving them with a few loved items often leads to much more imaginative play than a house full of toys.

Have fun while they’re little, but be mindful of their changing perceptions as they get older.

You know, lots of people say that – the more the kids have, the less they play with them. And I guess I want to avoid the habit before it starts, as like you said, it’s hard to break. I think I will follow your advice about having fun while they’re little, but keep an eye on it so they don’t get bratty 🙂

I had to stop the “whim” purchases when they wised up to the loot from said whims. Alex’s famous 3YO tantrum from one end of the Plaza to the other because I wouldn’t buy her the dress she wanted sealed it. You’ll work out the balance and what works for you. Pretty much my kids don’t get anything outside of birthdays and Christmas unless they’ve worked for the money for it and bought themselves. Right now, F really needs a new bike (he looks ridiculous riding his current one that is way too small) but you know, his birthday is in July, it’s not that far away … it will be all the more special for him to wait.
PS. I’d so buy that bed, fill Abby’s room and be damned if I had two daughters like you. Just saying 😉

I actually really like your theory here. I think I’m going to be very much the same. And yes, the bed! I can see we’d get a lot of use out of it and billions of cool parent points to boot. I can hold it over their heads when they’re older, too…

We wrestle with the same dilemma in our house. Along with the nice gifts come some fairly regular and pretty epic tantrums. I think the same is true for me, the more stuff I have that is designed to put a smile on my face the more burdened I feel. I truly believe less is more, I can always remember the bigger pressies I got as a kid because they were nicely spaced out. Nice post

I think if you go into the year with a good idea of what you’re going to get (like bikes and stuff), you can organise the rest of the time to fit in around it. I do want to avoid the tantrums as much as I can but with the eldest just turned two, I think i’m probably deluding myself…

I’m not too sure if this is tied in with what your saying, but I feel an overwhelming guilt for telling my 10 year old he has to wait for something, while we (the hubster and I) appear to get what we want, when we want. Our income fluctuates from time to time and so when money is coming in, we replace or upgrade big ticket items, from my kids perspective this looks like we are getting “stuff”, even if it is a new fridge!

Gosh, you know that’s crossed my mind too. Even though we work for it, and had to go without as kids or whatever, it still doesn’t translate into something easily understandable for kids. But yeah I do buy what I want when I want it – mostly because I never could when I was younger! Perhaps I will reign that in when the kids are old enough to see what I”m doing 🙂

I was one of the kids that didn’t have a lot growing up and I think it made me value things. I saw other kids growing up that had everything and they did not value them – they used to break them, leave them lying around etc. I don’t want my kids to be like that! Now that they earn pocket money, I rarely buy them anything – they buy it if they want it!

My daughter, an only child is 15 now and with hindsight I can tell you that we spent way too much toys and other gear. It doesn’t help that we’re all a little bit obsessed with collecting.
Birthdays and Christmas – so much expectation, – and for us the birthday is exactly 2 weeks before Christmas so never wanted her to feel ripped off. She has turned out a generous and kind person despite all the overindulgence and is now earning a little cash herself with babysitting so is learning the value of saving and deciding what to spend limited funds on. The only reason she has an iphone is because she saved to get it for herself. We don’t have mobile phones ourselves. Very hard to get the balance right. We all need to find ways of feeling happy without the need to constantly ‘get’ stuff. The things people make for kids are just so lovely and enticing, it is hard to resist. I find pinterest helpful. You can ‘pin’ stuff you like and go back and admire it again later without having to actually buy it. Great topic.

Ah yes pinterest – it really is all lovely on there, isn’t it?! And funnily enough, the things I’m most interested in is craft for kids with everyday items! So I think you’re bang on the money with teaching them to feel happy without constantly getting “stuff”.

I think there are a couple of things that lead to “spoilt” child behaviour. I was spoiled materially but not provided for emotionally, so I connected love with things subconsciously. If I didn’t get something I wanted I melted down because not getting something = not being loved.
The other thing I’ve seen is people who didn’t have anything growing up not wanting their kids to go without (rightly so) and not holding back and unfortunately it then becomes normal to their children that the things they want come easily and they start expecting everything they want.
The best way to balance it (and I don’t pretend to be perfect with this or any other aspect of parenting) is to find a way to teach them to treasured what they do have the difference between want and need, and that sometimes when you want something you have to work for it.
Your kids clearly are loved and emotionally supported so I don’t think you have to worry about them being like I was!

It is really hard.
And I think for me, every time I give Toddler C a cardboard box and we make a house or a car out of it I am reminded that they don’t really much care what they are playing with.

I suppose we are lucky that we get lots of hand-me-down toys from the neighbours, we go on lots of play dates to friends houses where there are different toys and then there are all the child care toys! So I don’t really worry too much about his exposure…he gets to play with a huge variety of toys!

As with adult presents, I think I will try to spend money on experiences…a weekend at the coast or going to see Playschool live…I think Toddler C will remember those things much more than another car or train!

yes, the cardboard box! I guess I’m not concerned at the moment, because I’m not buying them things now. I’m wondering how I will stand up against pester power and peer pressure when they’re. I hope I can say no to teach them a lesson, rather than say just say yes all the time because I can afford it and why not :-/

I remember my Dad making me “work” for my Cabbage Patch Doll when I was about 4yo. It was the first age where I really wanted something and farming times were tough back then. I had to do 30 chores at $1 each to make the $30 it cost for the doll. I managed it but it was really hard work and took me a week of feeding chooks, pulling weeds, watering plants and making everyone’s beds to get it. The satisfaction of getting something for the money I earned has never left me though. I still don’t have a credit card and my work ethic is extremely strong.

It’s just a case of finding the balance like so much of parenting. My daughter’s birthday is just after Christmas, so that time of year can get a bit crazy, and I didn’t like the attitude my kids had towards presents. More, more, more! My husband thought we should save up all the presents for Christmas and birthdays, but it ended up being too overwhelming for them. They didn’t appreciate them and weren’t even playing with them. Now I try to spread things out over the year, and include practical presents for Christmas and birthdays, and just give a couple of toys. I’m planning a massive edit of toys soon because we have accumulated a lot of rubbish, and despite being a hoarder, I still think less is probably more, especially if you buy good quality toys. That bed is gorgeous, but they’ll be over it in no time. xK

I really, really like the idea of spreading it out over the year. I had visions of kids just throwing toys they would normally love in a pile while they frenziedly unwrapped at Christmas. But if given one at a time over time they’d be super psyched and play with it all the time! christmas can be overwhelming and I hope I sort out the right balance. As you say, it’s pretty much parenting in a nutshell!

That bed is amazing!!! What kid wouldn’t want to sleep in that. It’s a tricky one, but I have a tight budget so my kids only get gifts on their birthdays, I try to get them something they really want though. They get pocket money and save for things they want. As a child I only received gifts on my birthday also, but I had one friend who if I got something, then she got the same thing, I got a Magic Nursery Doll for my birthday, then she got two… just because she asked for it. Irritated me no end, and I have to say that it hasn’t bode her well in adult life..she still gets what she wants even if it isn’t good for her.

Aw jeez, I remember that happening to me too. I got rollerblades for my birthday, so my friend got a pair too. It wasn’t even her birthday, but THEN she got another present when it was. FAR OUT! That didn’t seem fair to me back then. I just think it’s such a wise move to teach kids to save or work (or both!) for what they want, and I hope I do it well x

As a child of the 80s who never had a Cabbage Patch doll, I am scarred now. Whenever anything poo happens I remind my mum it is because of this 😉 I did have a My Little Pony, however my brothers buried it in the sand at Fraser Island, never to be seen again. If you are ever at Fraser VeggieMama, have a dig around, if you find the pony, it is yours 😉
The new wood pitchen is uber cute btw.
x

As you know Stacey my kids are adults but you just have to go with what feels right for you.My children did get quite a lot of presents for their birthdays and Christmas ,not all toys though,books paints,clothes,toys and things to make,crafty things and the like ,it is not so much when they are younger that it matters so much it is when they reach puberty whatever age that is now like 10 or something,then you have to put your foot down and explain that they can’t have everything they want or the new i pad or whatever is out or the cool clothes,I made a rule they could have the top or the bottom not both and if they wanted more they paid money towards it,and I also told them we paid Santa for the presents so they didn’t ask for too much,and when they were old enough they both had a part time job,to buy what they wanted to buy that was too expensive for me to buy.I think this method has worked they both are good savers and have good jobs ,spoil them with your time would be my biggest tip,you can never give them too much of that!!

Oh you’re absolutely right about that, and I’ve been very mindful of it lately. Especially now that abby is starting to want to do things with me, even if it’s just jumping on the spot! I really like your advice, I think I will adopt it for myself x

I agree. I wish I knew the answer as well. I was given everything and my husband had nothing which can be conflicting at times. I read this great article recently about how children will always want to explore a toy so by having more then a few toys, they will only scratch the surface of their imagination. If they only have one toy, their imagination can run wild and they can create more fun with that one toy, rather than the 10. But then I feel like a party pooper just giving books, but how I love kids books.

Ha I’m probably a big party pooper for other kids as I always get them books for their birthdays! I agree about having less and imagining more, I did that A LOT as a kid – it made me very resourceful. I thought about buying dollhouse furniture for abby, and then remembered I made all mine when i was a kid out of matchboxes and stuff – maybe I am too quick to buy stuff because they “need” it, when it would probably be better for them to figure out how to have it from things that already exist.

I grew up with not much so when I had my first bub & we actually had a bit of cash I liked buying him things- a matchbox car here, a book there. The years went on & the next bub arrived so suddenly it was two of everything. This continued for years & then I realized it was crazy & my boys were thinking that most things they liked they would get. Also my bank balance wasn’t liking it so much so I stopped. My kids didn’t like it but I explained some home truths to them about needs vs wants, about paying bills, about doing fun stuff as a family, about bills & working hard for the things we have. They got it but didn’t like it!
Now they earn pocket money & know that they need to save for the things they want. My 10 year wanted an iPad mini for his birthday in Feb. I told him I wouldn’t spend that sort of money so he saved half & I paid the rest. He was so proud of himself & I know it was hard for him not to spend money he got for Christmas but I think it was a great lesson.
My kids might think I’m mean for not buying them things all their friends have but hopefully they’ll continue to learn that you have to work hard to get the things you WANT but that I’ll always provide them with the things they NEED….

And isn’t that the distinction! That ipad thing was handled really well, if you ask me – best of both worlds in that lesson. I think I’ll tell my kids I will help them if they help themselves – no just expecting stuff because we can. I’m not crazy with buying stuff (I really do loathe shopping!) but I wonder what will happen when all the other kids at school are doing it mum pleeeeeeeeeease? happens!

While that bed is gorgeous and my hubbby and I spotted one similar we thought our girls would love I had to stop and think ‘while it’s gorgeous and they would immediately love it, they’re going to out grow it in just a few years if lucky and then I’m up for buying another more practical bed…’ so we have opted for a lovely white bedroom suite which I can dress up with different doona covers and cushions as they get older, they’re cheaper in the long run and alot easier to change…..
I think it’s a fine balance between buying them what they want and how they get it……with my older kids I taught them the power of laybying and paying off the real expensive things they wanted because I wanted them to learn you can’t always get what you want when you want it, sometimes we have wait. However through laybying they knew it was there and it was only a matter of weeks before they got it and they appreciated it even more.
We also make our girls earn what they want by doing little chores like making their beds and keeping the playroom tidy……we also stress to them the importance of looking after their toys, book etc as there are plenty of kids in the world with nothing. We shop outside of xmas all the time as we don’t celebrate it, so if the kids have been good every now and then they get a treat for doing the right thing but we have ‘end of term presents’ (school term) that they get for doing well at school and home and this is where they can sometimes get what they want on the day but again depending on price,if it’s expensive it goes on layby and they wait for it.
I grew up with enough toys to play with, plenty of food on the table and clothes on my back…..my parents had four kids and while we knew they couldn’t afford the expensive things we never went without the important thinks and I’m grateful to them for that because I still use layby for myself even because that’s what my mum taught me and it works……
sorry for the mega long reply but I hope some of it helps….xo

No don’t be sorry, it’s awesome! Really just what I needed to hear. I very much think layby is a better option than putting something on a credit card, but I tend to forget it’s available! I do need to provide that option for the kids when they’re older. I like the end of term gift idea! I hope one day my kids say the same about me as you’ve said about your parents. Sounds like they got the balance right x

We go overboard at Christmas and birthdays and then if they want something during the year they do jobs to earn the money for what they want. We rarely buy them toys for no reason, they have plenty that don’t get played with enough.

I think the fact you are considering this and searching for what works for you already means you’re on the right path to make sure your gorgeous kids grow up understanding that balance. I was fortunate growing up that my parents were comfortable (not rich, but comfortable) so we didn’t go without, but we also didn’t get every last thing just because we wanted it. We had to prove we were responsible enough, or contribute to the cost, or something along those line (age appropriate of course!) and now I’m much better with my money than a lot of my friends who grew up without understanding the true value of money.

There’s a lot of grey area between spoiling and depriving but as I said, I think the fact you’re thinking about this means you’re unlikely to spiral to either end of that spectrum.

Thank you, that’s very kind. I do want to go into this with my eyes open, and do my best by my kids, but I am reasonably sure that like anything with parenting, I’ll learn by making mistakes! but as long as I evaluate constantly that what we’re doing is working, then I think we’ll be OK. I really like what your parents did with you – and you sound extremely sensible!

I love that bed! Then I thought, geez, it’s hard enough getting her to go to sleep without making her bed a playground! Still love it though.

Gifts and stuff is a hard balancing act and I think that everyone handles it differently. We don’t go overboard with gifts at birthday and Christmas time. We want our kids to value their things. But they do get a lot by the time all the family has a turn.

During the year we buy them what they need and a few bits and bobs here and there. They certainly don’t get get get but they don’t go without either.

I had one Barbie, but my friend had a ton and I was always playing with hers! Which is funny because I’m not a Barbie or doll kinda gal. I don’t even think I’d sleep in that bed – way too much fun! i like your mix of needs + wants 🙂

I used to spoil my kids rotten and was always getting busted from the husband. These days they have to work mostly for what they want and save up their pocket money. But every now and then I still like to surprise them with something. You just do what feels right for your family. You will know and can adjust accordingly as the girls get older. xx

Great post! My Mum tried to teach us the value of money by having us save up for things ourselves. We didn’t really get stuff besides clothes outside of Xmas and b’days. I think it worked ok and made us value things. But I did have a friend whose Dad was a doctor and bought him a racing car bed. I was super envious of it! Looking back it did seem a little over the top – but a treehouse, slippery dip bed on the other hand would be awesome! I guess a tthe end of the day you’ve got to think of practicality. Maybe it makes more sense to build the treehouse in the tree outside… 🙂

This is a tricky one. I only buy things for our kids (apart from essentials) at Christmas and their birthdays. But I can’t help but go ridiculously over-the-top at Christmas. I always got oodles of presents at Christmas and feel like I want to offer my kids the same. I actually felt embarrassed on Christmas Eve this year though once I’d laid out all the gifts under the tree. I shared a picture on IG and instantly people commented. I think they thought our whole extended family was sharing Christmas morning with us, “That’s a whole truckload of presents” was one comment. I ended up deleting the photo because I knew I had gone over-the-top and was embarrassed by it. I’m not sure why I feel compelled to do so. But I’m going to try to reign-it-in this coming Christmas. If it’s any consolation I don’t think my kids are brats because of it. They just think Christmas is funking awesome and then I have to find space to keep everything.

Do you remember the end of Home Alone and there was that massive hotel room full to the brim of crazy presents? that was rad! I think that’s cool to do when they’re older and they appreciate that sort of thing. But I also think people are very quick to comment on things, which can hit home for us even when the commenter probably didn’t mean to do so! I always stop and wonder why it was a sore spot. The good thing is you get to evaluate every year what you want to do, as Christmas always comes 🙂

My 4 year old daughter recently wanted a flying Tinkerbell that she had seen on commercial TV. Giving her something like that which was just an ‘it’ toy of the moment that my daughter had been suckered in by the advertising of went against everything I believed in. But the stupid thing was I really wanted her to have it because she seemed so taken with it. I tried scoot around my beliefs and think of reasons why she could have it like because she’d been such a good girl or get her to do some jobs to work towards it. As it was, I dithered on the decision for so long the Flying Tinkerbell commercial was replaced by another ‘it’ toy and my daughter forgot all about it! I’m glad now I didn’t buy it and will hopefully remember this lesson in the future.

I loved it when it landed in my inbox, & now my Nanna’s here today looking after my kid while I work (which I love!).

I think we’re all in positions to spoil our kids more than we ever were as kids ourselves, because … people just seem to make more money these days than our parents ever did. And y’know, I love the money part – but the spoiling rotten is something I’ve been cautious of ever since becoming a Mother.

The thing is, my sister & I had a flipping awesome childhood with our Dad. And he was ba-ROKE! (full scale single Father 1980’s-style broke). But I never remember us struggling, & I actually feel like I was spoilt (even though our spoilings pale in comparison to the spoilings kids get now).

I do buy Max toys for no reason, & I shouldn’t, but I do, because he learns from them – & he loves them. And I love it when he loves something. But I just make sure I pull myself in as much as possible, so that it never reaches that ‘spoilt rotten’ level.

Oh, & this is a little something I’d share (& nothing intended to be martyr like, it’s just literally what we decided to do). On Max’s birthdays, we ask that guests don’t bring presents, but instead donate to our charity of choice (we’ve changed it each year).

It’s not for everyone, & some will say, how could you rob your son of presents on his OWN birthday – the thing is, we flipping don’t. Between Dave & I, grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents & best mates – he comes out trumps.

We had talked about doing this for Lior’s birthday too! In the end we didn’t, because we had very little money ourselves and couldn’t really get him many gifts, but realistically I think we should have, even purely for the fact that he got so many toys and things that he doesn’t really want or enjoy, and things that we’re not happy for him to have!

For me, having my parents split at a young age I would see both of them work so hard to put my sister and I through a private school, because to them that meant a better future for us. Dad used to come home, cook us dinner then leave us with our older sister while he went back to work for a few hours until 10-11 at night. I don’t know if it is because I had to maybe grow up quicker than other kids, but I feel I had an appreciation at a young age of the cost of living and how exciting it was when birthdays or Christmas did roll around. I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with spoiling your child if you have the means to do so, but like you said, they need to be able to appreciate it and not just expect it. I can’t wait to show my children how unfortunate some people are and if they can help them in some small way then they should!

oh, I love this. as soon as I opened the page the kiddo walked over and said, ‘wow, there’s a slide in their bedroom!’. obviously I am all sorts of enthusiastic about cool stuff for kids — but my kids don’t actually have an excess amount of stuff. the reason is three fold. 1) there’s no room and more mess will make me crazy. 2) they don’t need it. 3) money. we have a budget that we mostly stick to and there is no column for toys! there is however a presents column — so if there’s something they reeeeally want they can ask for it for their birthday or christmas. they can also save up their pocket money or trade in stickers on their sticker chart (when they have one) for prizes/stuff. but what I really want to add is that I don’t think having lots of stuff in itself makes kids spoilt it, it’s the meaning attached to the stuff that counts — and also if they’re taught to really treasure their stuff then isn’t that teaching them to be super-attached to material possessions? something to think about for sure.

Okay, I’ve been reading and thinking about this more, and I think that (personally) there isn’t anything wrong with buying your kids gifts every now and again.
I think perhaps it’s not the type of thing where you can apply a ‘rule’, you just need to be constantly monitoring it, watching their behaviour and reactions and general attitude, and assessing if buying them things has changed that.
I would hate for Lior to not be able to do something that he enjoys like painting just because it wasn’t his birthday (we don’t celebrate Christmas, so that leaves out that gift getting time!). But I also wouldn’t want him expecting that every week when we went to the shops he was going to get a new toy…
So yes, I think it’s something you need to constantly keep an eye on! Perhaps you could ask someone close to you to help ‘keep an eye’ on the girls, and gently pull you up if they are getting a bit bratty?!

Yes I’d hate for them to be bratty when I’m not around! I like to think my family would tell me. But I think very much the same as you – doing things they enjoy without having to get a present every time we go to the shops. But sometimes is OK!

This is something we have tried to be aware of. We have 4 children under 7 and it is so easy to accumulate, well anything kid related. At Christmas I stick with the rule “something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read”. Keeps it even, practical and “enough”. When it comes to birthdays I have become a fan of making a big part of the present an experience- something they are going to remember. That is something that will only gain value over time. I took my eldest daughter horse riding for her last birthday- we had a blast and it was really special for us.

Oh that’s the best idea! I find we do experiences for each other as adults, her dad and me, but will incorporate more of that as the kiddies get older. Also love the “rules” for Christmas, I will totally be doing that 🙂

I started off with the philosophy that presents should come only on birthdays and xmas. Then I realised that I was being a bit ridiculous. As a first time mum to a 5 month old, I really don’t know what she needs. I definitely didn’t know what she needed before she was born. But I think I was being silly to think I should deprive her of toys and wait till xmas. She has a lot… a bouncer, swing, playpen, playmat/ gym, rattles, crinkly toys etc. But nothing with lights or interactive musical parts. So I bought a toy today. If she’s spoilt, so be it. I want her to learn and grow.

When shes older she can earn her toys. I remember when I was younger I saved $20 to buy a purple hat from a surf shop. I asked my mum to swap my chunk change for a note at the bank. She ended up giving me the notes and I could keep the change as well. It was the most amazing feeling. I laugh at it now.

That is the cutest story! I remember those feelings too, and I want my kids to have them. But I also know that play is so important when they are little, and they’ve got no concept of earning toys at this point. So I’m happy to buy toys regularly to provide an environment where they can let their imaginations run wild. If they had to wait for special occasions, then I don’t think that would really work for us. They can have special things then, but buying a new toy every few months isn’t hurting anyone – just giving them more cool things to do!