Online Dating Gone Wrong

#first date:

throwaway to avoid being back-traced by my grandmother (consequences would never be the same) the only creepy date I’ve ever had was fairly recently, my first internet date. the creepy/awkwardness directly stemmed from not meeting up with an OKcupid guy in a public place first, but instead going back to his apartment. he’s about 5’7″ little shorter than me, kind of the typical trimmed beard-dungeonmaster fat guy look, not horrible but not my type. I knew him in highschool, basically acquaintances, I thought “maybe he’s been screened enough and all he wants is to hang out and watch a movie, why not trust him?” Apparently “why don’t you just come over to my place and watch a movie” is short hand for “hey, we should have sex” I was unaware of this. this lead to a certain disconnect in expectations. so, he picked me up in his car, it’s some kind of red two-seater, seemed a bit much for a college student to me. tells me he ditched his previous “ride” because it was a Subaru “pussy wagon” and upon seeing that someone has left a beer can in his parking spot he got mad at it and then got out of the car and removed it before parking properly. we go up to his apartment and he proceeds to get super stoned, (I took one toke and thought “why am I getting stoned now? none of my friend are here”) he kisses me and says “I have an idea, we should take a shower together” which I passed on. I regret not bailing right then, or shortly after when he showed me his parrort and said he voted for Nader then called me “biased” when I said that was dumb considering he basically helped put Bush in power. fuck yes I’m biased, it’s called having opinions. but I still tried to sit and watch a movie with him. got through about half of the Life of Brian (a movie I continue to actually like watching) before he determined that I wasn’t going to to let him steal second base, and I determined that I wanted out of there. how many times should I be expected to repeat the phrase “don’t do that.” in an evening? this is the shit they don’t teach in school. also, as I was packing up to leave and getting my coat on, he proceeded to tell me that I needed to work on my “intimacy issues” and that I should have known what was up and given him what he wanted. he also asked me if I had been abused. (I have not) walked home in the rain, learned an important lesson.

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