You are forgiven for not mixing well in stereo, but one ear is more than enough to mix mono properly, which you did not.

Don't make excuses for yourself.

Everything was done on stereo tracks except for the bass. Because of my crap ass hearing handicap, I panned both sides exactly the same, assuming that it would guarantee that the mix was right. On WPID I put the bass on 2 tracks, in the bridge, and you should be able to hear the bass jump left to right on that one riff. Was a spontaneous thought to do it.. but I never had it that way in my head. That was panned 100/100, but the rest of the bass is dead center, on all three tracks.

The drum machine was originally all on one track, in midi. I wanted everything on separate tracks so I could add saturation/EQ, whatever to each part of the drum kit separately, like how it is when a real drumkit is mic'd.

I saved a backup of the session to make sure I didn't lose anything, and cut out everything but, say, the kick. I then soloed the track and bounced it to disk. Import it back in and voila! I have the kick on it's own track. I did this with the entire drumkit on all 3 recordings.

Welcome to the world of mixing. You can spend literally days on a mix and still have it come out sounding like shit, it happens to everyone. Your mixes are bad, if you want to know why, post in the recording forums and learn something.