Now all we need is a few close-ups of Prince William's bald spot and we can call it a day, because French gossip rag Closer has run a bunch of topless shots of Kate Middleton taken on the terrace of a private guest house during a vacation to Provence with Willz last week. (Click through for the NSFW shots, featuring William slathering lotion on a nude Kate.)

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The photographer who shot them tried to sell them in England, but the press there tends to stay on the royals' good side. A "saddened" Kate and William learned of the privacy breach at breakfast yesterday, shortly after which they made an appearance at Assyakirin Mosque in Malaysia, removing their shoes and Kate donning a traditional head-covering (see pic). The two are now considering their legal options—suing for invasion of privacy and taking out an injunction against the magazine. If the royal couple follows through, this would mark the first time in history that the palace has ever sued the press, which is kind of insane, when you think about it.

So, yeah, she got crept on. While with her husband. In private. By someone lurking in the shrubbery with a camera. Choice. [Radar Online, Daily Mail]

Umm, Lady Gaga celebrated the launch of her new fragrance, "Fame," at the Guggenheim by inviting close friends like Paris Hilton and Marc Jacobs watch her nap inside an "an egg-claw installation." Guests were asked to poke the sleeping Gaga through a hole in the eggclaw until she emerged at 9:45 and sat down to get a very public tattoo of a cherub on the bare skin on the back of her head, which she shaved last week in honor of Terry Richardson's mom.

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In related news, tabs of acid now come in sentence form. [NYDN, Instagram]

Miley Cyrus dropped more than a few hints that her relationship with Liam Hemsworth is on the rocks with some telling Twitter ruminations about the art of love. TELL US ABOUT LOVE, MILEY.

To me, that sounds like it can directly translate as "Liam, pick up your socks, and also attention me more!! Attention me!" But after an outpouring of concerned fans, Cyrus added:

Miley was also making out with a girl in New York at the end of August, and that source says she's been "experimenting with women" before marrying Hemsworth, so IDK IDK IDK. [Celeb Slam]

Despite being linked to virtually every vagina-having Hollywood person under 30, Robert Pattinson isn't ready to get out there again just yet. A source says that Souperpatzen just "wants to put all his effort into his work. He is eager to be on set and away from all the hoopla." Meanwhile, although James Franco's "smitten" with Kristen Stewart, she's still hoping for Rob's forgiveness and the reunification of Robsten. [Female First UK]

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Kristen Stewart and Gabourey Sidibe became fast friends the other night, which is perfect. [Page Six]

Martha Stewart and Emeril got slapped with a huge lawsuit for trying to pass off crappy knives as coming from fancy German craftsmanship. [Forbes]

Will.i.am got his hideous fucking car back after it was stolen last month by a person who must have been blind. [TMZ]

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are selling a gorgeous townhouse in the West Village of New York that they never lived in. Click through for some real estate pr0n. [Daily Mail]

There will be a Dolly Parton-themed line of slot machines in Vegas by next month. [Broadway World]

"I don't want to be a stay-at-home dad. Work is very important to me. I like to work. But I need my work to mean something to me in order for me to not be home with them... Anytime you think, ‘I'm wasting my time here,' the first thought you have is, ‘I could go home and be with my kids,'" he says. "Now, you may go home and be with your kids and very quickly start thinking, ‘I wonder what's on the work front?'" —Ben Affleck, just having some feelings about the idea of being a stay-at-home dad. [People]

Sean Parker and his fiancee are having the kid. ("Drop the 'the.' Just 'kid.'") [Us Weekly]

Khloe Kardashian's still undergoing fertility treatments in an attempt to conceive with Lamar Odom. [Us Weekly]

BREAKING N00Z: One time One Directioner Harry Styles got drunk and fell asleep in a dog basket. [Monsters and Critics]

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have a love scene in Scary Movie 5: the scariest thing of all. [Page Six]

Kelly Rutherford cried on The View when she discussed her bitter custody battle with her ex. [NYDN]

Backstage at Good Morning America, a real-estate doyenne named Barbara Corcoran supposedly took Richard Gere aside and said: "Is there any chance you'd sleep with me? I'm old, but I'm pretty good in bed." (For the record, they're both 63.) He laughed and replied "I don't think so." [NYDN]