Feds off to a losing start

1) Everyone ended up looking like lobsters except for Didier who had the
foresight to bring some funny French lotions.
2) The ball kept on hitting off John D's head and arse and rolling into
the net. Incredibly, this happened a Guinnness Book Of Records eight
times in five games.
3) The Japanese in kilts, playing bagpipes, tossing cables, dancing
Scottish dances, and eating haggis distracted our Scotsman Kevin so much
that he tried to hit the band with the ball when he was clean through on goal.
4) The 7 foot German on the Swiss Kickers team, who I believe is called
Franz Hans Beeger, entertained the crowds with his frequent expletives
of Inglinder Schwien and the crowd pleasing line of SCHIESEN (Bellowed
in a Bavarian Baritone)
5) Joe B's glaring and pacing of the touchline in an Alex Ferguson
fashion intimidated me and affected my form while he was around.
When he then deserted us in Kenny Dalglish fashion, (wanted to spend
time with the family - at a party ?? he said) my play did not markedly
improve. Indeed I got most of the ball when I went in nets.
6)Tokyo Irish have a serial killer called Terry who plays in defence.
His methods of finishing off his victims are numerous but his favourite
is the sliding tackle in a five a side game.
7) Eugene, as always, demonstrated to us why he and not Mel Gibson,
should have played the role of William Wallace in Braveheart.
Insert "Rip your fuckin head off" for "FREEEEEEEEDOM !!!"
8) Ron pretended to get injured just before his wife came along.
When you are newly wed you just cannot spend enough time with your loved
one. (Sorry Ron but the timing was extraordinary)