10 Things Your Black Friends Are Tired of Hearing

Many of us do not interact with people of other races until college. Almost instantly, you're taken out of the safe context of high school, and brought into a world that is much more diverse and bigger than you ever expected. Many people of color end up on the receiving end of questions or comments from others that are well-meaning, but generally frustrating and somewhat hurtful.

Below you’ll find some microaggressions that are sure to make a young brown lady want to tear her hair out, as well as some suggestions for friends who want to help keep her scalp intact.

1. “I don’t see race.”

This is almost always intended to be well meaning, but saying that you don’t see race doesn’t make it magically irrelevant. People of color don’t have that privilege – for us, it’s something we have to navigate from the moment we wake up until the moment we sleep at night. It’s important that our friends recognize this. You can’t do that if you pretend race doesn’t exist.

2. “But you’re not like other black girls!”

When my friend circle started to become more diverse, I would hear this too often. How do you know for sure that I am not like other black girls? For this to be true you’d have to meet 14% of the population! The media has helped to create an image of black women that seems monolithic, but, like your eyebrows, you’ll never meet two black women who are the same. Also, this statement supposes that there’s something exceptional or special about me. There really isn’t. To be honest, my mom and all of my black women friends are significantly more awesome than I am, so.

3. “Not everything is about race.”

There are lots of things that aren’t about race. The fact that yogurt is yummy and is good for you has nothing to do with race. The fact that the sky is blue has nothing to do with race. The fact that Oreos are literally sent from heaven has nothing to do with race. I can list hundreds of things in the world that aren’t about race. So, trust that when we say something is about race, we know what we’re talking about and are not being hypersensitive.

4. “Well, I’m basically black!”

What does that even mean? You’re black because you like hip-hop? No, you’re just imitating stereotypes that you saw on TV. You don’t need to be black to relate to me, we probably have lots in common already.

5. “I wish I could get as dark as you are when I tan.”

You need to get some SPF 100+ and love the healthy skin you are in.

6. “Oh my god, I love your (skin/hair/eyes etc)! Are you mixed?"

Black and gorgeous comes in many shades, sizes, and curl patterns. Asking if someone is mixed implies that their attractiveness stems from something other than blackness, and erases the fact that black people are incredibly diverse and come from many parts of the world!

7. “My parents aren’t racist, just old fashioned.”

I will pray for their evolution. Please do not invite me to your home for any engagement.

8. "Why is there no White History Month?"

Because by the time I graduated from high school I knew the name of the first family who settled in Jamestown and had no clue about the black man who invented the stoplight. Or that Shirley Chisholm was the first woman to run for a Democratic presidential seat. Did you? Alrighty then.

9. “Why is hip-hop so violent?”

Why is punk rock so misogynistic? Why is pop music so senseless? Why is country music so mournful? Hip-hop has a long, dynamic, brilliant history and I can’t answer that question without giving you the history lesson you didn’t ask for. If you’re actually interested, look it up!