Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

Liar advice

Just about to get neck deep in the D process, after the mandatory 60 day "no touchy/no feely" period. Then we can legally file.

So does anyone have any experience, or feedback, on dealing with a stbx who is a habitual liar. Big lies, small lies....makes no difference. Makes it incredibly difficult to have an adult conversation re: anything pertinent.
And I have to deal with this woman for the next 10+ years re: parenting decisions.

oh yeah---my stbx would lie about everything--even when I had proof. Even when I gave him every way to tell me. And I'm not just talking about the infidelity. Once, he bought a riding lawn mower (the day before mother's day) and denied having bought one. Not sure how he was going to hide it forever. Isn't that dumb? I could go on and on!!! All I ever want is honesty. Doesn't matter how big or small a lie, just come clean. I guess that is why the marriage can't work---no honesty whatsoever!!!

Oh boy! My ex is same way and so is my fiance's (not going on what he said, have witnessed it). The only advice I can give, is not to feed into them or fight over the lie, I know it's hard sometimes, but pretend she's a child or teenager (they act like it anyway) and divert her attention, if possible. I argued for years with mine over his lies, finally put my energy into not feeding into it, instead of fighting it. I'm happier and he lies less now and has admitted to a few! This is not a cure all, nor does it come fast and easy, it's just all I have for now!?

My stbx was a professional liar. And he is good at it, can almost make you believe something right in front of you does not exist. I just got to the point where I ignored the lies and didn't even try to argue about them. Yes, it will be difficult working with your stbx as a parent in these cases (been there, although my daughter is older). But the fact is you cannot change her so you might as well just accept it and figure out the easiest way to work around it. Trying to get her to admit she is lying and stop will be a losing battle. Good luck.

Oh man!!!! I am going through this right now with my stbx. We have been going to marriage counceling now for about 6 months trying to make it work. He has been lying to entire time. I found an add on a dating site with his photo. I have his password to his voicemail and he lies about everything. I have to learn to not care and to never expect the truth.

password to the voicemail huh? you've got to forget that, because it will only hurt you more. take it from me.

treat the divorce and all upcoming interaction with stbx as a buisiness transaction - stbx deserves to get a fair shake in everything regardless of what happened. fair as in no emotions - no sympathy for stbx, no hate, no nothing. you can have all those feelings on your own time, but when it comes to divorce/separation/kids, everyone deserves their fair share. if the lies are about the business end (ie stbx says they do not have a job when they really do) it will come out eventually and you will have legal recourse. treat the divorce as business and you'll be able to heal easier. the relationship is over, so don't feed it any more emotion.

Both my ex-wife and I accused each other of being liars ... and to an extent, we were both correct. It wasn't necessarily a matter of outright lies but more concealing important information. For us, it came down to a lack of communication and fear over how divulging certain information would impact the relationship. At this point, it is all water under the bridge. We have actually had better communication since the divorce.

My stbx is a narcissistic personality disorder/sociopathic liar. I could not believe one word out of his mouth. Cannot. Lies about everything under the sun to everyone. Stupid. Why would anyone want to lie? So I try not to get sucked into the old feelings I had when we were together. I am breaking emotional ties....so I am not reacting to his lies. If he wants to lie...that is up to him..I know the truth. Now....if one of my children are involved..that is another story.

Right now...it is a business transaction. He picks up my daughter...I do not say one word to him. I do not even LOOK at him, or he will try to weasel his way in the house. I can't get sucked back into that.

So keep it business like, it will be easier for you too. Don't have any conversations with her if you do not have to. As far as the kids, for school functions...contact the school yourself. Get their schedules, report cards, parent teacher conference appointments etc. You can be involved in their schools without her. You CAN sign the kids up for after school activities too... sports, dance, etc. You do not need to have her do it and then ask her about it. You can take the lead on some of these things then just e-mail then to her. Or set up a webpage with some sort of schedule where you can communicate that way without having to speak with her. It can be done. You do not have to be friends with her, but you do not have to be enemies either.

Whatever you do, don't give her any information as to what is going on in your personal life. She will run with it and gossip adding lie upon lie on top of it all. Don't get involved in her games.

Just try to live your life without worrying about her and teach your children that lying is wrong. No matter what LYING IS WRONG.

I definitely agree with Nico and Kelly - be as businesslike as possible. Now that I treat our relationship that way, I don't allow myself to be pulled into the drama. I don't care if what he says is true or if he really has no intention of showing up to xyz event the kids are in. His problems are not mine and vice versa. I have to find a way to manage everything on my own because he is an unreliable, lying addict and I have full custody.

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