Robin Williams’ Suicide

A Jewish perspective on the tragedy of suicide.

People around the world are expressing shock and sadness over the death of Robin Williams who took his own life after many years of battling addiction and depression.

In Jewish tradition, suicide is a severe sin. In a sense, it is akin to murder. Life is a gift from God and only He has the right to take it away.

As the Talmud puts it: "Against your will you were fashioned, and against your will you were born, and against your will you live, and against your will you die, and against your will you will hereafter have account and reckoning before the King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He" (Ethics of the Fathers 4:29).

The body belongs to the Almighty, and no one is permitted to harm, jeopardize or destroy His property.

Jewish law decrees that the body belongs to the Almighty, and no one is permitted to harm, jeopardize or destroy His property. In the words of Genesis 9:5, “I will surely require an accounting for your life-blood,” and the sages make clear this includes a suicide.

Which is why the Jewish response to suicide is at first sight so harsh. Indeed, the standard Code of Jewish Law, the Shulchan Aruch, stipulates that the normal rites of mourning are not to be observed for a suicide, nor is there even allowed for a eulogy to be given.

And yet, when someone just asked me, “As an Orthodox Rabbi, would you have performed a traditional funeral and delivered a eulogy for Robin Williams if he were Jewish?” I gave an unqualified affirmative answer.

Why? Because even as Jewish law expresses its categorical contempt for suicide as a viable option it makes clear its empathy for those acting under the kinds of compulsion brought on by depression and other forms of mental illness.

The only one for whom suicide is to be regarded as a grave sin is “someone with full knowledge of his actions.” That, rabbinic authorities have agreed, is a standard from which almost all suicides are to be judged as falling short. Rabbi Yechiel Epstein, in his classic work the Arukh HaShulchan (Yoreh De’ah 345:5) states, “This is the general principle in connection with suicide: we find any excuse we can and say he acted thus because he was in terror or great pain, or his mind was unbalanced, or he imagined it was right to do what he did because he feared that if he lived he would commit a crime…It is extremely unlikely that a person would commit such an act of folly unless his mind were disturbed.”

Jewish law found a beautiful balance between abhorrence of an act before it is committed and compassion for the victims of self-destruction in the aftermath of its tragedy.

Not Yours to Take

Jewish law found a beautiful balance between abhorrence of an act before it is committed and compassion for the victims of self-destruction in the aftermath of its tragedy.

The mindset of every Jew was always meant to be that no matter his difficulties, his own life was not his to take. The story of Rabbi Hananiah ben Teradyon, whose death is recorded in the Talmud, served as an extreme example. When the Romans wrapped him in a Torah scroll and set fire to it, the rabbi’s pupils urged him to open his mouth, inhale the fire and hasten his death. He replied, “He who put the soul in the body is the One to remove it; no human may destroy himself!”

In The Echo of the Nazi Holocaust in Rabbinic Literature, Rabbi H.J. Zimmels writes of two opposing emotions amongst European Jews at the time of the Holocaust – pessimism and despair leading to suicide, and optimism and hope leading to a strong will to survive. One would certainly have imagined that the former would have outweighed the latter. Yet it was not so. Historians have been amazed by the strikingly small percentages of suicides by Jews in the very worst of situations.

But that never meant that there were not moments when individuals believed that death was their better choice and voluntarily ended their lives. For them we shed tears, and in most instances try to find vindication, if not justification. King Saul fell on his sword when the Philistines were about to capture and kill him. On his behalf the rabbis pleaded that a king of Israel is entitled to defend the dignity of the royal office and so his suicide could be forgiven as an attempt to prevent a greater desecration of God’s name through an ignominious and tortured death perpetrated by enemies.

For those who know the severity of depression as well as the super human strength required to overcome it, we ought to show great respect to those who persist in choosing life - and find in our hearts forgiveness and understanding for those overcome by mental illness who left us too soon but whose achievements and good deeds will nonetheless never be forgotten.

That is why, Robin Williams, I treasure the laughter you gave me for so many years and I pray that your soul at long last finds the peace and serenity it did not attain here on earth.

If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek help.

About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. He is the author of 19 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, A much sought after speaker, he is available as scholar in residence in your community. See his website at rabbibenjaminblech.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 41

(25)
Nikki,
September 10, 2015 5:51 AM

This type of subject hits home. I understand why people may resent those who commit suicide since it hurts those around them and violates their belief on God. But there are psychological and neurological evidence that supports that a person who is suicidal has their mindset distorted as compared to a healthy patient who does not suffer from addiction and depression. In no way do I justify for someone to commit suicide, but we can't look at it point blank on either side since it would still damage, whether if it's to promote suicide or condemn the existence of people who contemplate for any reason. If anyone suspects that their loved ones are acting different (withdrawn, addiction, etc.) and that they are at some existential crisis then please understand enough to help or direct them to get help as it does make a difference.

(24)
Sharon,
December 3, 2014 10:23 PM

My Jewish friend killed himself a few weeks ago

I am not Jewish, but had a close Jewish male friend who killed himself a few weeks ago. He took some barbiturates, along with opioid pain meds to kill himself in a painless way. He was not actively involved in the Jewish religion, but was involved in new age teachings. He planned his own death and he told me about his plans to kill himself a year earlier. He was suffering from loneliness and sleep problems.

(23)
SusanE,
August 19, 2014 12:03 AM

We Can't Judge Him.

Who of us can say what demons he was harboring. He had begun abusing alcohol again. He said in an interview that he didn't want to, but started drinking again anyway. He knew he would have addictions the rest of his life. He also learned recently that he had Parkinsons Disease, an insidious and devastating disease for which there is treatment but no cure. Like addiction it is also a disease of the brain. Alcohol calms that part of the brain.~~~~~ My dear friend was 8 years into Parkinsons with brain surgeries and implants. Two weeks after a brain surgery she learned she was in a stage 4 fatal cancer. She fought with ALL her energy to fight both diseases. Her final 18 months of life were illness 4 major surgeries. Dr. visits, chemo rounds. But yet we would go out for lunch, to the grocery store, down to visit her daughter. She didn't need 24 hour care but she needed 24 hour company for those 18 months. She had amazing friends who stayed with her throughout. I must say the last few months were terrible so much that her Dr. actually told her she could quit treatment anytime she choose. She quit only when her body could no longer accept food or the chemo drugs. She quit and 4 days later she died. ~~~~ When we think of Robin Williams and his battle with addictions...we know he had the best resources for treatment, the finest Physicians for care and treatment, and a loving family. Like my friend who worked so hard to live and finally had to give up her life by stopping treatment, Robin might have felt he had to give up too. Her body failed her. He fought his disease, addiction, for 20 years to save his life.. Perhaps it was his brain that had the disease and the addiction that failed him. I won't judge him, he fought it for 20 years and it returned.

(22)
Raphaelle Do Lern Hwei,
August 18, 2014 6:09 AM

Appearances Decieve

I am saddened about Robin Williams' sudden death by suicide. He is one of the few celebrities who seem to be able to handle his own life and not succumb to substance addictions and relational conflicts. From the news reports of Robin Williams' demise, I can see that he was working hard all his life at his acting career and maintaining a healthy family relationship to all appearances. His substance abuse was minimal. There could be a gnawing dissatisfaction throughout his life. Maybe a search for perfection not to be found on this side of heaven. Hope that sincere, earnest and hardworking people like Robin Williams will find their true identity as in the eyes of the Almighty. RIP Robin Williams...

(21)
erin,
August 17, 2014 8:40 PM

I agree, the Almighty knows our hearts and our minds.

Thank you for having compassion on someone who gave to us things we could not get for ourselves. We don't know who G_d crushes and who He lifts up. So we love everyone and wait for the truth.May you be blessed. And Thank You, Abba.

(20)
Sara,
August 16, 2014 1:56 AM

Our decision to be sane or unsane

I don't feel the Rabbi was judgemental in this article, he is just laying out Jewish principals. We are not born suicidal, it is what we have done along the way that has created the situation. It all starts with a socialable drink, bad childhood, drugs, etc. until you get to the point of no return. Sometimes it is a generational thing, whatever the case might be I agree with the Rabbi we must not take our own life. We must learn to seek comfort in God rather than a bottle. So many people seek comfort in everything but God. That is what keep me sane in this world, a bible, Torah or whatever you want to call it because that is where the saneness lie. You can pick yourself, but it is all up to you. I found the bible has answers to all of my problems if you take the time to seek God out. This is a harsh and difficult world we live in. the bible says, We are not fighting against flesh and blood, but rulers of darkness who is seeking to over take us. We also as people want to judge each other. We look at the outward man, while God look at the inward man. Only God knows what truly happens in a persons life and in the end only God will judge and make the right decision for us in the next eternal life.

(19)
Anonymous,
August 15, 2014 10:39 AM

Suicide

How would, say, a British spy behind enemy German lines in WW2 be judged, if he swallowed a cyanide capsule, knowing that the only alternative would be to be interrogated until he would probably talk, which could then have endangered many other lives? Also the case of Captain Oats, who becoming g increasingly frail, left the tent to die in the snowy wilderness, knowing that it would give his comrades more of a chance to make it without him. I just wonder about unusual cases with mitigating circumstances, such as these, where they have taken their lives, knowing that it may save the lives of others?

(18)
Maria Dodoc,
August 15, 2014 8:01 AM

Rest in peace,Robin Williams.

(17)
ShoshanaOT,
August 14, 2014 11:57 PM

What looks like suicide may not be the halachik definition

Intentional suicide by a rational person is traditionally the halachically prohibited act. However, many people are very sick with very distorted thinking which impair their rational thoughts and actions. I am a therapist with personal experience unfortunately with people who have taken their life due to severe mental illness. Sometimes the illness causes extreme distortions in rational thinking,even extremely bizarre reasoning. Drugs and alcohol combined with severe mental illness may cause a person to loose their self control. They are sick and cannot be accountable for violating halacha. Often they do not leave notes and act out of desperation without thought or they may feel so out of control they takes their lives so they do not hurt others. I believe Robin Williams took his life in a diseased state and was trying to end the hurt he caused to his loved ones by not being able to achieve wellness, stability , and sobriety. Read about him and what a wonderful friend, father, husband, and artist he was and learn about the horrors of mental illness esp severe depression before you judge him. ,

(16)
Rafael,
August 14, 2014 9:57 PM

I also loved Robin

The list goes surprisingly long on how many rich successful people commit suicide. The majority of them are bright yet their depression makes them off themselves. Obviously the cause is not neglect because they are surrounded by people catering to their every need. Somehow they find a way be alone and successfully kill themselves. Artist seek refuge in the art and having family around him is not sufficient reason to live. At 63, maybe he felt his best years were behind him and his amazing high energy humor was dwindling. When the best thing in life is what youre gonna do next and it doesn't meet your standards... There is no reason to live any longer. If living for the sake of living isn't good enough...if religion and promise of an after life were empty words...if you feel that your family can get over your death and be taken care off by your estate... If the thought of a boring old age is too much to handle...GoodBye. Robin lived his life with the blazing speed he delivered lines and could not slow down. When he gave to people he gave to himself. Yes he gave however the energy that he got from the audience was life itself. Having an audience in hysterics fueled his essence . He came He saw He conquered. Na nu na nu love you always

(15)
ruth,
August 14, 2014 9:08 PM

On Robbin Williams

The laws quoted in this article are well indeed, but too clinical for me. Robin Williams was human after all and subject to life and its problems as we are. As humans, we are created to survive. Survival is the most basic instinct we have and certainly the strongest. I belive anyone, and I mean anyone, who takes their life is mentally or emotionally unbalanced for a meriad of reasons, because forcing ourselves to die is simply not in our DNA. One must feel there is no hope, and those are not just words. NO HOPE. No light in any given speck of the situation. NO WAY OUT. Anyone who kills themselves must feel this way, and for me, that is the tragedy of this story. He believed there was no one nor nothing that could help him. There is no God in heaven that would punish anyone who commits suicide for the very reason we are geared for survival and to do otherwise is simply not our nature, thus, we are sick, unbalanced.

(14)
Priscilla,
August 14, 2014 6:05 PM

sadness

I am so saddened by the death of Robin Williams. It is such a shame let someone who gave everyone so much pleasure and laughter could not find any for himself.
the hills in belize depression doing number on a person.we can only hope and pray on it a flick off that we are able to rise above and come out on the other side.when one commits suicide because of depression we can only pray for them and believe that God will understandthe pain and despair that they are in.

(13)
Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 5:57 PM

PT WITH DEPRESSION MUST BE SUPERVISED

AS A PREVIOUS RN ,IN GUEA OR HOSPITAL IN ISRAEL ,I AQUIRED KNOWLEDGE ABOUT SEVERE DEP.WITH SUICIDE ATTEMPT.I DID PRIVATE DUTY ON THESE PTS,SOMEHOW NO NIGHT SHIFT ,THE PT IS LEFT ALONE ,ASSUMING ,HE IS ASLEEP AND WELL MEDICATED,TO MY ,SURPRISE IN AM SHIFT I LEARNED FROM NIGHT SHIFT THA THE PT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND JUMPED TO HIS DEATH. ALSO MY DEAR FRIEND DOUDOU TOPAZ I KNEW WELL ,WHEN IN JAIL AND LEFT ALONE FOR A MINUTE HE HANGED HIMSELF, HE MADE US LAUGH WHILE HE CRIED WITHIN HIM MY POINT IS THAT DOCTORS/ NURSES/STAFF MUST EDUCATE FAMILY MEMBERS , OR INSTITUTION STAFF TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON THEIR DEPRESSED LOVED ONE AT LEAST TILL THE CRISIS SUBSIDES,.ROBIN WAS NOT ALONE OR LIVED ALONE HE HAD A WIFE AND CHILDREN ,HE PREFERRED TO DEPART THAN BECOME A BURDEN ON THEM,OR ON THE SOCIETY ,OR FRIENDS OR OR !!!SADLY HE SAID GOODBYE !!ONE THING I DO KNOW "THE GIVERS ,"DO NOT ASK IN GENERAL NOT EVEN FROM THEIR LOVED ONES. THEY ARE INTROVERTED,AND AU CONTRARY.THEY ,SMILES TO THE WORLD BY BEING FUNNY AND ALWAYS GIVING FROM ITSELF ,THAT IS MY VIEW BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE AND TORAH HE HAD NO EMOUNA AS WE SAY WE FAILED HIMTHE DOCS THE FRENDS, THE REHAB THE FAMILY ETC ETC. HE HAD IT ALL BUT ONLY NOT TO HIMSELF...MAY HIS BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT REST IN PEACE AND MAY OUR MEMORIES OF HIM WILL KEEP US LAUGHING AND CRYING ,SHALOM DEAR ULTIMATE TALENTED SIR ROBIN WILLIAMS. DAHLIA

(12)
Diane Dawes,
August 14, 2014 5:04 PM

United

I am not Jewish by Faith, I am Catholic, but united we are in this understanding of life, where it comes from, and how we must respect it. Thank you for this well written and clear explanation of what a God-like attitude should be. As an aside I need to say that I stand with Israel, as I need to. I'm afraid I love both the Jews and the Palestinian people as people of the Holy Land. Unfortunately politics and hatred seem to take over so many mindsets. As an American I know that the government, as the world sees it, does not represent the "people". I pray for peace everywhere, but especially in the Holy Land where I visited in 2006.

John Cornwell,
August 14, 2014 9:13 PM

Respect for human life

I am Catholic also. I find the articles in Aish so enlightening. I admire and respect the wisdom of the authors of these articles. I cannot add to, or diminish anything that is said. It is perfect truth. God bless you. Peace be upon Israel.

(11)
Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 4:33 PM

thank you

Thank you, dear rabbi. As a Christian I find your columns a helpful source of spiritual knowledge. The quote from "Ethics of the Fathers" is very powerful. Blessings and gratitude.

(10)
Aaron Shafter,
August 14, 2014 4:03 PM

An Excellent Articlee

Rav Blech may have saved lives with this article. The inclusion of the suicide hotline numbers at the end showed true wisdom. I pray that anyone in trouble reads this article and seeks help.

(9)
Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 3:55 PM

But what about somebody who has great aches for longer than a year? And what, if nobody wants to help? Because of not belivieng the ill Person, ...just saying, it´s psych? But the Person knows, that his or her head is broken inside (the bones, ...) Because of a doctor? One crow, ...

ettel.c.filigree@gmail.com,
August 14, 2014 10:05 PM

don't do it

If you're asking that question then you are still sane enough to be held accountable for it. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Unfortunately there are people who just refuse to accept what they cannot see. But chronic pain is not uncommon and there are sorry groups and forums all over the wen where you can find people who WILL believe you and who will understand what you're going through. Maybe some of them might have resources you can look into. You deserve that. I can't imagine not being able to escape from pain day and night. And you deserve validation and support. You don't deserve an early death. Give yourself what you deserve. Blessings and hugs.

(8)
Eugene Mazzilli,
August 14, 2014 2:52 PM

God is Judge

Rabbi,You are so right, It is not for us to judge. It is reserved for the Lord the Almighty. Those suffering from any type of mental sickness (or just desperate or abandoned) are the unfortunate ones that may resort to suicide. They are the people that need God's help and a blessing at the time of death or at their funeral. Also, not to mention the solace that the remaining family needs to help them through this terrible part of their lives. Compassion, forgiveness and love are what is needed. Remember, God made the Torah for man as his guide but He overshadows all the law with His tenderness, mercy and love for us over all else. As His instrument on Earth, we are obliged to put LOVE before everything else. The Lord will handle everything else.

(7)
Shoshi,
August 14, 2014 2:48 PM

degree of illness

Thank you Rabbi Bleich for elucidating the Torah's perspective on suicidality and mental illness.I would like to addend that if, chas v'shalom, someone has suicidal ideation and a plan, rather than calling the phone numbers listed in your article, they should call 911 or Hatzolah.

(6)
Techiya,
August 13, 2014 11:35 PM

Thank you Rabbi Blech for sharing the Torah's wisdom on this painful and confusing topic. I have read/heard so many strong opinions and reactions to suicides and feel this is so important for people to know. If I may suggest, I think most people are of the understanding that the main points of any article or column can be gleaned from the first two paragraphs and often will only read the first 1-3.. It seems to me that were this case here; people may misunderstand or feel they have "read enough" and that the Torah view is lacking empathy and insight and therefor not finish reading the article in it's entirety... I was planning to send it on to a friend (whose sibling committed suicide recently) with a note to read it in its entirety. I hope I am not being presumptuous to share my thoughts with you. I understand that strong statements often entice readers; but in this sensitive arena, I would hate for someone to "click away" before benefiting from this valuable piece,

Meira Shana,
August 14, 2014 3:51 PM

Techiya ... friend whose sibling ...

I would not give this to your friend -- until at least a month or so after the terrible loss being felt at this time.

(5)
Yehudith Shraga,
August 13, 2014 7:44 PM

Da'yan haEmet

Thank you for the Hallakhit explanation on the cases of suicides. May the Creator help each and every person to overcome his/her dispaer and find the Light in this Life.

(4)
David Mescheloff,
August 13, 2014 3:35 PM

Keep One's Heart and Ears Sensitive to Possibly Depressed People

Yishar kochakha, Rav Blech, for another beautiful, sensitive essay. Please permit me to add: we are not only called upon to be sympathetic to one who has fallen prey to depression and suicide after the fact. Our Jewish commitment to lovingkindness requires that those of us who may not be experiencing depression and suicidial thoughts nevertheless be sensitive to those around us who may give indications of their depression and suicidal thoughts. Be aware of what and how they may be feeling. Lend an ear. Open a heart. Do not be afraid; just be accepting. And, if necessary, help people feeling this way to get professional help. Thank G-d that we live in a time when so much help is available.

Nancy,
August 13, 2014 8:17 PM

A very sensitive and insightful comment

To commenter #4--I agree with you 100%.

susan weinberger,
August 14, 2014 3:19 PM

it is unfortunate

I know so many people who desperately need help - some are holocaust survivors, one person had severe paranoia (she passed away ) another who cuts herself, who simply REFUSE to believe that something is wrong with them . I have three suggestions:1. pray for them - get their name and their mother's name andpray for them as a "choleh" (a sick person) . It really does help2. Speak to that person's spouse, or someone close to them and try to arrange a meeting with a psychiatrist somewhere like a coffee shop... or at home, but don't tell them it's a psychiatric evaluation. I know (it's hard to pull this one off)

3. Show them more love than normal, offer a drink when they come, try to do chesed for them (help them out) without taking hours out of your day. if you are able to, call sometimes and let them blow off some steam. and MOST IMPORTANT - let's learn not to be jealous of famous people. I guarantee you are happier then they are.

(3)
Janice,
August 13, 2014 2:54 PM

Rabbi -- Your devotion to Torah and to the Jewish people is utterly complete but never rigid. You inspire us to remain Torah conscious and at the same time live with compassionate concern for all our fellow Jews. Thank you.

(2)
jacob,
August 13, 2014 1:34 PM

Thoughts on suicide.

I have struggled for years with suicidal thoughts and severe depression.

When I think back to the days that I was a healthy person, I am filled with sadness: I had a really bright future ahead of me. I met a woman with a very bad reputation with very severe mental problems and a bad reputation (for the sake of avoiding lashon hara I will exclude the details; they are beyond what most people can imagine). I tried to help her and for a bit things very looking well; unfortunately, helping her took a heavy toll on me, and I eventually found myself with severe depression. We were engaged, but she left me. Years of passivity and struggling with suicidal depression crippled my career; I had zero friends left. I prayed a lot.Fast forward 6 years: Through Hashem, I managed to climb out of this depression, and everything seemed to go well again. I met a person I trusted and hoped to marry and have a family with (my dream!) I fought so hard to regain a normal life, and just as everything was heading in the right direction, my world came tumbling down again, This fiancée left me, and. I am again left with nothing.. I moved back in with my parents, who are worried to death. In the mean time, most of my former friends are marrying and having children. I pray to Hashem to help me. My heart is broken, I cannot possibly take more pain and loss. I know that Hashem has kept me alive and withheld me from taking my own life, but i sometimes wonder what is the point? I don't like self pity, and I work hard to overcome this, but some times, it is just too much….There is only so much a person can take, and at this point I cannot take more. I pray, I scream to Hashem to help….and hope that there is some sort of solution. It has eluded me so far, and yet, I hope that Hashem will come to help me….sometimes I doubt He will, sometimes I know he will. it is a permanent struggle.

Michael,
August 13, 2014 11:33 PM

Bless you Kind heart.

Dearest Jacob, Please - Please get help and survive. The world would be a sadder place withour you. I wish I knew more words to ease your pain. ALL I can do is pray for the Father to give you relief. May many people pray for this dear person, G-d Bless you my brother. You are loved !

Carol,
August 14, 2014 12:40 AM

Jacob

My dear brother committed suicide in 1997 when he was 40 years old. Please get GOOD medical help and enlist others such as your parents, friends and Rabbi to help you through this horrid journey. Depression is a dark cloud, a beast and is no different than fighting cancer, diabetes or heart disease. Please heed my words, there must be a solution. My heart is so sad for you but people love you.

Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 8:37 AM

Jacob

Dear Jacob, I pray that you will find a way of releasing the struggle and pain, and find some equanimity in your life .Please be kind to yourself and trust that you will find peace.A rabbi explained to me once that darkness ans struggle is followed by abundance and light. I hope it will be like that for you too.

Sonja,
August 15, 2014 6:24 AM

Thoughts of suicide

Dear Jacob,I knew many People being in Depression or committing suicide at last. Mostly they were men, one was the husband of my grandaunt in the fifties last century, the other was her brother (also brother of my grandmother), in that village at those years five men committed suicide. Some years ago in the village I was grown up, three men (grandfather and uncle (his brother) of a friend of mine) did so, two hung themselves, one shot himself in the head (he had cancer there, he knew my grandmother who did because of such cancer, it was horrible to see her illness, how big must have been her aches! ...). And I know somebody, who was at the same Primary School than me who committed suicide with medicine at the Age of twenty-four. At the burial they played "Sounds of silence" (the song from Simon and Garfunkel). And, I heard the first three tones and knew the song! And then I said, I had no tear in my eyes: "He has it good, he has it behind him!". My friend, who stood besides me, was shocked, but the words had come out of my mouth without thinking before, just out. And I have always thought that I would never judge somebody who´s doing so, because nobody knows really, why some People go over Troubles, illness, suffering, and others not. Maybe it is the wish and hope to be after dead in a better world with no sorrow and pain. Or just the wish to end it. One who wanted to do so, has multiple sclerosis, ... And yes,depression, it is like cancer ("silence like a cancer grows" is part of the song of S a G) And if you have got that illness,

Anonymous,
August 15, 2014 6:47 AM

Some People stigmatize you (and they are often such persons who are a part of guilt on the depressed one) if you are in danger of committing s. or being in Depression: "He/she is not like the others, was always insane, ...(and this in a tone, I cannot speak in such a tone and with such a "smile"). And, if at the other side of the family there were suiciders, "O, he/she is in the same ill mood like them, is weird, ..." But sometimes there was a very bad treating of that depressed man or woman in the childhood, sometimes a treating which is one of the greatest sins in the eyes of g-d. But sometimes it does not come out of the nearest family itself, but from another Person who was near that child, ... So I hope, G-d will judge them .

And sometimes it is just a great aching or fearing about an illnes like cancer, Parkinson, MS, ... Or just the feel, not having a place in this world, not beeing accepted by some persons who are very important to you. And often this People don´t know it, because you cannot tell or show how important they are to you or don´t want this close relationship. But I heard once: "It is better to be alone because of the right reason than to be at two or three because of the wrong reason". Sometimes it feels like beeing surrounded by a wall you can look through, you cry and shout for help, but the others cannot see you, doing their normal work, going near this capsule and do not notice it and not you ,.. And you are like a wounded animal, captured, not able to go out of this trap. So you sometimes think about loosing this arm or leg to get out and be alive again, ...

So, I mean, if we want to be near g-d, we have to help going People over this horrible wall/mountain of Depression. As good as we can. Often it is just a smile, just a speaking, listening that is necessary. But a real smiling, speaking, listening, not only "blabla". Giving hope, seeing ....Not just looking one does not function in a way like a machine,

Anonymous,
August 15, 2014 7:00 AM

Illness of the soul is as important as an illness of the body, it can be a result of a body-illness, and it is nothing that anybody has to judge it in a way worser than an body-illness! But this happens nowadays as often than in former times, so often people do not search for help. Becauase there lies a Stigma on it, i will express it that way: Like cains sign on your face, but often this sign should be seen on other peoples face. (People who damage others or do harm to others by knowing it very well, but there are no judges who see it, just g-d, hopefully). And if you were shown often in your early years, that you mean nothing to your family, so you have only g-d and your believe in him, that he has sent you to live, whyever, and that he loves you (-but than all this suffering?WHY?) and that you are important in his eyes, ... Without this believe, some children would commit suicide in their earliest years, about age three, four, five, .... Or going to ... in their later years.

Anonymous,
August 14, 2014 3:59 PM

Jacob, I am begging you, please hold on. I don't know how god works but I believe whole heartedly that he puts each of us here because we each have something to contribute. We each have something to add. And because I believe that, I can say without a doubt, and even though I don't know you, that the world needs you and we would be diminished without you. So hold on, because youl'll find happiness if you keep looking for it. Hold on because you're stronger than you think you are. Hold on because you are too important to the world to let go.

It may be a platitude, but, as a read somewhere recently: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Sometimes little "catch-phrases" full of truth is all we have to hold on to in times of difficulty. If we know they are true, and we focus on them during our difficult times, they can help us get through til we reach better times.

May Hashem bless you and help you through all your difficult times.

Elchonon

Miriam,
August 14, 2014 4:50 PM

To Jacob, please seek professional help.

Jacob,The Almighty LOVES YOU AND he wants your well being. Please go to your Rabbi, and seek professional help - forgive those who have hurt you - you can live a wonderful beautiful life with the help that is available to you. The L-rd blessess you and keeps you!

jacob,
August 15, 2014 3:35 AM

Thank you all.

Thank you all for your messages. Your care and your prayers truly mean a lot to me, more than you can imagine. I feel humbled by so much kindness, especially because I suspect that there are people that probably need more prayers than me. May Hashem bless you all; we need to look for out for each other! Thank you all.

Tash,
August 15, 2014 2:07 PM

To Jacob, with love

Jacob, I want to join the others in telling you that even as a stranger, I know the world would be a poorer place if you were not here. Please seek help - medical but also therapeutic. Integrative arts therapy with a focus on attachment history may be especially helpful in unpicking your relationship history and freeing you from any old patterns. The arts/creative side, in my opinion, is so extremely powerful to help one move into being more themselves and mobilising wishes and desires. This perspective can also incorporate God and spirituality. I wish you love and fulfilment Jacob. My best wishes to you.

(1)
Anonymous,
August 13, 2014 11:07 AM

Good morning Rabbi--I appreciate your compassionate words. Many years ago I went to school with a girl whose father committed suicide. He was my mother's podiatrist and a gentle man who was terribly depressed as Robin Williams had been. Death by suicide is like no other type of death, and it takes a toll on family members that nobody can imagine unless they have been there.

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...