Warren Buffett: Things Are Going To Hurt For A While

“The worst is behind us, but the pain will be felt for a long time from what happened,” Buffett said in remarks played today at a conference outside Tel Aviv. “We’re inching forward, we’re not galloping forward.”

Then, on Disc 2 of his recording, the Berkshire Hathaway CEO continued...

...this time busting out the folksy business wisdom married with abberant sex fetish to say:

"Now, I know this all sounds really bad, and it is. But Uncle Warren wants you to know we're going to get through it. Oh sure, you're saying, 'Uncle Warren' doesn't know real pain or how economic turmoil actually affects people"--unfair. Just because my business and personal finances are doing okay doesn't mean I can't empathize with what others are going through. In fact, I imagine it’s a lot like getting your sack caught in the hog oiler– that has happened to me, several times in fact, owing to both my boyhood farming days and my late stage development into an ag-equipment fetishist. But rest assured, after the weeks of what felt like searing pain, followed by several of blistering, my troops were back to their old selves and the same will be true for you. Soon enough, this our great nation will be happier than a Russ Meyers set when the pasties come off. And believe you me, I’ll be there celebrating with one hand free."

On March 30, 2011, Warren Buffett penned an open letter expressing support for his former lieutenant, David Sokol, whose trading activities had been called into question. "Neither Dave nor I feel his Lubrizol purchases were in any way unlawful," Buffett wrote. Then, a month later, he told shareholders and reporters gathered at the BKR annual meeting in Omaha that, actually, Sokol was a degenerate bum; a piece of garbage that needed to be taken out, lest it stink up the place. (Actual words: "inexcusable," "inexplicable," in violation of "the company's insider-trading rules and code of ethics." Buffett added that Berkshire "had turned over some very damning evidence" re: Sokol to the Securities and Exchange Commission, to boot.) Though Sokol did not publicly respond to the comments at the time, they presumably stung quite a bit, since having your unassailable ex-boss basically call you a lowlife does not do wonders for the reputation. Now, a year later, after being informed that the SEC would not be taking action against him, is he in a Zen place about life in general and Buffett's words specifically? Are the two men cool? Could Sokol see them being friends again one day? At the very least, is he ready to laugh about them? Yes, yes he is.

Thinking about getting pawsy with Warren Buffett? Here's a delightful first-person account of what might be in store for you. The bodyguard, Dan Clark, didn’t mean for it to hurt, he was just demonstrating a fighting move called the brachial stun. That’s a strike to the side of the neck using a chopping motion with the hands — but when Clark hit me with it in a slow speed demonstration, the sudden burst of force whipped my whole head to the right, crashing my teeth together so hard that I thought I would lose a filling. That’s what Dan Clark is like — even his demonstrations are intense. He’s the kind of guy who throws around phrases like the “muay Thai clench with a double knee strike,” and who, when he emails you to invite you to his training session, reminds you politely to bring a cup. All of it — the gym, the training, and especially the punch — combine to send a clear message: Don’t mess with Buffett, or any of Clark’s other clients. And that’s kind of the point. Billionaire Security: Behind the Scenes with Warren Buffett’s Bodyguard [CNBC]