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5 Ways To Keep Trust Issues From DESTROYING Your Relationship

There is a reason you always think he's texting his ex ... even when he's not.

Resolving trust issues starts with learning to truly trust yourself, before you can trust someone else.

Once upon a time, some early human screwed up and gave some other early human a reason to distrust. And from that seed blossomed "trust issues." Around the globe, in bedrooms, boardrooms, and even on playgrounds, we've become a society built on trust issues.

To trust someone, without having trust issues, is to trust ourselves enough to reveal our authentic selves fully.

GASP! You mean it requires being totally transparent, saying what's on my mind, asking for what I desire ... and THAT will eliminate trust issues in my relationship? Um, yeah! It all starts with you, baby, quickly followed by how you choose to respond to those little annoying possibilities that your partner throws at you—consciously or unconsciously—that triggers your belief that they can (or can't) be trusted.

See, it's all about you and your trust issues, in the same manner as it's all about your partner and their trust issues. That being said ... how do you resolve trust issues when they arise?

I'd love to say, take a cue from my side of the fence (a.k.a. gay men) but, unfortunately, we don't handle trust issues any better than the rest of the human population. (Surprise, surprise!)

But in our defense, and defense of gays and lesbians everywhere, we've been conditioned not to trust. From the first moment we swished our hips a little too much when we walked, or got caught playing with GI Joe in the mud, while still wearing our Mary Janes and Sunday dress, we've learned to keep our defenses up and not trust anyone who might find out our "secret".

But, we all have trust issues, and if you say you don't then I don't trust you! (Just joking.) So, here are five tips that will help you trust more easily and openly in your life:

1. Trust Yourself
I know it's already been said, but this is truly the starting point of resolving trust issues. In the somewhat similar words of Ru Paul, "If you can't trust yourself, how the hell ya ever going to trust someone else?" (Uh hum! Preach, sistah!)

2. Define What Trust Means
... for you and your partner. Hello, we ain't mind readers, and if you believe you are, then why are you having trust issues? You'd already know what your partner is thinking.

For the rest of us, ask (as in: your partner ... for the info you need) and ye shall receive. Talk about trust. Discuss it! Discover what might make trust issues arise in your unique relationship.

3. Take A Look In The Mirror
I hate to say it, but often, trust issues arise because what you see in someone else is an issue directly reflecting something you don't want to see in yourself.

It could be that you're fearful your partner is cheating because you're the considering an affair (or might already be involved physically or emotionally with someone else). You may not even realize it's causing wicked scripts of "Cheater is as cheater does," to play out in the fabulous stage play that is your real life.

Look at yourself, and ask, “What’s really going on with my trust issues?” The honest answer may shock you, but it could also stop you from being a crazy maker.

4. Have An Open Relationship
GASP. Did I just advocate having an open relationship? YES!

As in an "open, transparent, let's communicate, and quit hiding that we each have trust issues, admit our stuff" relationship.

No, this doesn't mean you take on different lovers (although if that makes the trust issues scamper away, more power to you). But what I'm really advocating for is being open and vulnerable so that trust issues become dead non-issues, rather than a dead relationship!

5. Give Trust To Get Trust
If you put trust in, you'll get some back. One of the hardest parts about trust, and resolving trust issues, is giving trust freely. However, when it's a gift that keeps on giving, then it's easy to see trust issues retreat.

That said, the moment you take trust without giving it back in return, you've abused the vulnerable gesture the other person offered you. And, no one appreciates being abused!

Regardless of the circumstances, and irrespective of your sexual orientation, trust issues are an issue we ALL face.

Whether it starts with a little white lie, or explodes from the bomb shell of infidelity, trust is trust! Personally, once those little tongue twister get resolved, I realize, because I trust myself, it's easier to address trust issues head-on in all my relationships.

Philemaphobia: Fear Of Kissing.

1. Philemaphobia: Fear Of Kissing
While for Valentine her philemaphobia seems to be really steeped in mouth germs, it’s not always the case. It’s also a fear of being subjected to bad breath, which, if you ask me, is totally reasonable.

Chiraptophobia: Fear Of Being Touched

2. Chiraptophobia: Fear Of Being Touched
If the thought of being hugged or being even remotely close to another human puts your head in a tailspin, then you may suffer from chiraptophobia. For some, the phobia is so intense that they can't even watch movies in which people touch each other, and they equate the touch of another as feeling like their skin is burning.

Mysophobia: Fear Of Germs

3. Mysophobia: Fear Of Germs
If your idea of affection is something out of the Howie Mandel book of human contact and only a fist bump will do, then you’re going to find it very difficult to get close to anyone and everyone, not just a potential partner. Unless you use latex gloves at all times, of course, and latex is a fetish for some, so that could actually work in your favor.

Genophobia: Fear Of Sex

4. Genophobia: Fear Of Sex
Um, I really don't think we need to explain how this one is going to massively mess up your love life, so let's just move on, shall we?

Agoraphobia: Fear Of Leaving The House

5. Agoraphobia: Fear Of Leaving The House
Let's be honest, if you can't leave the house, how are you supposed to be meet anyone in the first place? Although agoraphobia is most commonly associated with the fear of leaving one's home, more specifically, it's a fear of crowds and being in situations that one can’t escape, like, oh I don't know… a first date maybe?

Omphalophobia: Fear Of Bellybuttons

6. Omphalophobia: Fear Of Bellybuttons
If you're going to get naked, then you’re going to probably see a bellybutton or two. While you could cover up your own bellybutton with a Band-Aid, that still doesn’t get rid of the other bellybutton in the equation, so how are you going to explain that fear? If you can’t think of a witty response to that question, then I suggest you start courting Karolina Kurkova, because that beauty doesn't have a bellybutton.

Ithyphallophobia: Fear Of An Erect Penis

7. Ithyphallophobia: Fear Of An Erect Penis
Well, I guess you could always try to have sex with a flaccid penis? Or maybe dress it up so it looks like anything but an erect penis? Penis costumes are totally a thing, in case this happens to be your phobia.

Metrophobia: Fear Of Poetry

9. Metrophobia: Fear Of Poetry
Oh no! How else are you supposed to enjoy one of the greatest perks of someone being in love with you, if you can't stand poetry? The only thing better than regular ol’ poetry, is poetry written about YOU. *shutters*

Sarmassophobia: Fear Of Foreplay

10. Sarmassophobia: Fear Of Foreplay
No, this one isn't just reserved for high school boys who just can't wait to come, but an actual phobia for people of both genders. But, hey, if you meet someone who likes to get in and get out, and skips all the "ooh la la," in the beginning, then you're in luck. And, yes, there are many of them out there.

marriage.jpg

11. Anuptaphobia: Fear Of Marrying The Wrong Person
Ironically, anuptaphobia isn't just the fear of marrying the wrong person, but the fear of being single, which doesn't make any sense to me. Wouldn't you rather be single, than marry the wrong person?

Cibophobia: Fear Of Food

8. Cibophobia: Fear Of Food
One of the best parts about dating is going out to eat! What do you usually do on a first date? Go out to dinner! Second date? More dinner! The day you get married? Eat a five course meal! Food and love go hand-in-hand, so if you fear food, it's pretty hard to move forward in a relationship. I mean, what else are you supposed to do when you're together? Talk or something?

Gamophobia: Fear Of Marriage

12. Gamophobia: Fear Of Marriage
If there's a fear of being single, then of course there's a fear of marriage, and I'm pretty sure 95% of the men I've ever known have had this phobia. Or maybe they just had it when it came to marrying me? Food for thought there, Chatel.

Arrhenphobia: Fear Of Men

13. Arrhenphobia: Fear Of Men
This one has got to totally suck, especially if you're a straight woman or gay man, but it's real. How the hell are you supposed to even get to the first date, if you're constantly in fear of men? Well, you can't. Along the same vein is Venustraphobia, a fear of beautiful women. If you suffer from this one, you can kiss your dreams of dating Angelina Jolie goodbye.

Philophobia: Fear Of Falling In Love

14. Philophobia: Fear Of Falling In Love
Probably the saddest one of all the phobias in the world is philophobia. Not only is it a fear of falling in love, but a fear of being in love, too. This phobia makes all the other phobias look like a piece of cake.

1. Philemaphobia: Fear Of Kissing
While for Valentine her philemaphobia seems to be really steeped in mouth germs, it’s not always the case. It’s also a fear of being subjected to bad breath, which, if you ask me, is totally reasonable.

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

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