LOONY LAWS OF CALIFORNIA

Charles McCabe

Published 4:00 am, Sunday, April 6, 2008

At one time or another, Our Betters in the Golden State have passed a law against the following things:

In San Francisco: feeding of birds in public places; failure to have a cuspidor in every building where food is served; riding a horse in certain public places, such as a hotel lobby; or riding a horse while drunk.

Picking up used confetti to throw again; beating, sweeping or cleaning any carpet or rug upon any sidewalk or street between the hours of midnight and 8 in the morning; spraying of clothes in laundries by means of water emitted from the mouth.

Carrying bundles hung from poles; allowing elephants to stroll down Market Street unless on a leash; swearing by automobile drivers on a public highway.

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Dumping or discarding a boat or ark on any submerged street.

It is also illegal to use slanderous, vile or indecent words about a person in the presence of 10 or more people, and no person can wear anything larger than a skull cap on his head in the theaters.

Other places, other laws: It's against the law in Sausalito to get drunk without permission of the Board of Supervisors. In Pacific Grove, an ordinance forbids the blinds or shutters to be drawn at night.

An ordinance in Los Angeles forbids young people to dance together unless they are married. Horses are not allowed to wear cow bells on the California side of Lake Tahoe.

Pasadena law forbids anyone to keep a dog that barks. Attendance of minors at sparring exhibitions is prohibited in Sacramento. Berkeley law forbids anyone to whistle for his or her lost canary before 7 a.m.

In Long Beach, it is unlawful for a couple, even husband and wife, to kiss in public. The courts of Los Angeles have ruled that the weeping of a woman on the witness stand is not misconduct. It is illegal, throughout the state, to sleep in the kitchen, but it's all right to cook in the bedroom.

It is perfectly legal for sheep on Baldwin Hill in Los Angeles to graze, just so long as they stop nibbling 2 inches from the ground. A housewife in California is liable to imprisonment if she doesn't cook her dust cloth after using it.

It is against the law to sleep in the Los Angeles river bed. The ordinance further states that it is also illegal to loiter, recline or rest in the river bed.

In Compton, dancing check-to-cheek is prohibited. In Los Angeles, you can be arrested for pinching vegetables or fruit in public markets. A state law forbids a woman to drive a car while she is dressed in a housecoat.

It's illegal to jump off a moving horse car in Santa Rosa. Los Angeles adopted an ordinance making it illegal for any baby to ride in a grocery pushcart with food his mother has been buying. In the same place, it is against the law to complain through the mails that a hotel houses cockroaches, even if it is true.

In Stockton, it's against the law to wiggle while dancing. Throughout the state, it's a misdemeanor to detain a homing pigeon. Statewide, too, it's a misdemeanor to tattoo - or mark the skin with indelible patterns, pictures or legends - of persons younger than 21.

Bed sheets in California hotels must be 81 inches wide and 98 inches long. No man may wear feminine apparel except on Halloween - or on the stage. California vendors of anything alcoholic are prohibited by law from advertising their wares in letters more than 6 inches high. A Glendale ordinance permits horror films to be shown only on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.

Roosters in the neighborhood of Ontario are forbidden to crow within the city limits. San Rafael has an ordinance that makes it compulsory, when the driver of a team of horses raises his hand, for an auto driver to pull up on the side of the road, not closer than 10 feet, shut off his engine and remain there until the team is safely by the auto.

In Berkeley, finally, the city clerk can order all citizens of the city to fill their bathtubs and then pull the plugs out, all at the same time. The purpose of this law was to drown rats in the city's sewer system with a sudden deluge.

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