Every year my partner and I argue about whether to go on holiday - he says we can't afford it and should save. We also argue over how much I spend on the children. Usually we do have a holiday, but it's wearing as he gets heated. Generally we get on well. How can I get him to understand that I'm not an idiot and wouldn't overspend?

If you really don't spend more than you can afford, then you're unusual. It's hard to believe that anyone isn't in hock in these times of boom and bust (with the emphasis on bust). Lots of couples argue about money. They may at some stage sit down and have the commitment chat, but disclosing how much they earn and what they do with their money is usually far too personal to discuss. This is a shame, because money is something best sorted out up front.

People have strong feelings about how money should be managed. A Harris Interactive online survey of 1,796 US adults in committed relationships (defined as living with or married), weighted to be representative of the population, found that nearly a quarter believed honesty about money was as important as being faithful. This is a pity, because a third of women said they kept some money matters hidden. Most rows were over what people bought for themselves, the household budget and what was spent on credit cards.

To avoid disputes, couples often keep some finances separate. Surveys from Australia, America and the UK show that about half of couples in long-term relationships have at least some separate finances. Couples are more likely to share accounts (and mortgages) than credit cards.

There is something emotive about money, but no evidence I could find that it says anything about a couple's level of commitment. Money becomes a more serious issue in a recession. Families And The Credit Crunch, a report from the Family and Parenting Institute, shows that in a survey of more than 5,000 parents, 29% rowed about money. The main things they were cutting back on? Christmas presents and holidays.

If you haven't been open about your finances, now is a good time to start. If you can afford to go on holiday, that's great, but it's only fair to offer proof to that effect. If you agree on what you both put into the household budget and have independent money, that's fine, but you may also need a shared budget for holidays and savings. Don't fight about money. Studies show that while divorced people rarely blame money for a break-up, establishing a fair, agreed way of managing money early on increases the likelihood of a stable relationship.