I was doing ok & getting on with things then last night my ex gf rang. We had a half an hour chat & at the end I asked how her & her new friend were, I don't know why I asked & she replied ok & they are taking it as each day passes. I then asked how could she just jump into another relationship & she said she hasn't. I don't know why I still want the girl who cheated on me, lied to me & now with the guy she cheated on me with. I want to tell her how much she has hurt me & what she has threw away but would this just make me come off as weird & jealous?

She knows.
That's partially why she rang you.
Guilt.
That and "If I'm nice to him now, it will make me feel - and look - better."

It's an easing of her conscience.
She didn't ring you to make you feel better.
She rang you to make herself feel better, because she knows she created a cluster-phukk.

She threw you a few breadcrumbs, but as you found out, it's all a pile of crud.

You must go NC.
Read the link in my signature. (By Caliguy).
It's written by a guy who actually worked with his GF, and implemented all of everything he advises.
It worked.
In the end, it was she tearing her hair out, desperate for a reaction, which he never gave her.....

Cut her out of your life completely, A - Z top to bottom right across the whole scale.
And cut yourself out of her life.
never respond, never reply, never react.

And never, but never gove her the satisfaction of thinking she can do this any time she likes.
Just fall off the radar now, no warning, no advising, no last words.

I told my ex everything for closure. I didn't really care what she thought, it was better than me bottling it up and always resenting her. After all, I am the one that has to deal with myself, not her.

I told her what hurt me and my emotions towards her actions. Does that make me weak? I guess it's debatable. I don't regret it though. It released a lot of internal negativity towards her, and I feel a lot better about it. It is a way of forgiveness, forgiving someone isn't about saying that what they did was ok, it is a way of moving on and dealing with it.

Do what feels right to you, we aren't the ones dealing with your thoughts. If it will help give you closure, write her a big email like I did and say your goodbyes. When it's all out you'll feel a lot better.

I know I need to move on. Easier said than done but she isn't doing me any good at the minute so NC it is. Hopefully she won't be with this guy for too long so don't want her coming back to me to mess with my head. I was doing ok till she spoke to me & discussed what she has been doing & future plans, I don't want to know but I think she wants us to remain friends which I can't do.

You sound upset by the conversation. Maybe the conversation itself and not just the content of it upset you?

I wrote letters to my ex, detailing what I considered to be the main things that hurt me and sent it. There were other things that kept cropping up after that. I carried on writing these things down in a reportage style, with some analysis and emotional expression, but didn't send it to her.

Eventually, I changed my mobile number (after several false dawn / upsetting meetings / calls over the course of a year). About six weeks after I did that, I had one of my wobbly moments, a time when I would have reached for a bottle or a baguette previously. But I felt strong and safe enough to ride this one out. I sat down in my lounge, with house-mates away and just *felt* the feelings. There were few words, a bit more images, but overall a while load of feeling pouring out.

It was almost overwhelming at times, but it gave me the same sense of satisfaction and release as you get when you go for a pee after holding it in for too long, if you see what I mean?

From then on, I've become much more adept at accepting the feelings and letting them out. And they've dissipated as a result of being felt. The less I judged them, the less I rationalised, the sense I tried to make of the past, the clearer it became. I needed to feel these feelings. To let the subconscious be in charge, to come to the surface, to make itself heard.

I still use writing as a way to express feelings, especially negative ones that are attached to the past. Indeed, I have use these fora to do just that (see my thread entitled The Hate).

It's okay to feel whatever you feel. That's what makes you real. How you use your conscious mind to help your subconscious mind be free to feel is part of becoming more you and perhaps the greatest thing you can gain from a difficult relationship.

So write to your ex if you think that will help your recovery. Or change your phone number and do what I did. In fact, do what you want to do. What works for me may not work for you, but I'm pretty sure that when you find a way to author your own happiness, you'll look back at this time as a growth period in your life and be more you.

Thanks. I know I need to go NC & move on like she has. I even asked if she has any feelings for me and she replied yes as a friend, which hurt. I shouldn't waste my energy of someone who hurt me & moved on so quick. I keep saying to myself I never want to get back with her but I know if she asked I would. I have been out every week for the past 2 months to have fun with friends & move on but no girls even look in my direction. I don't want a new gf but some female attention would be nice, maybe they can sense a broken heart.

Thanks. I know I need to go NC & move on like she has. I even asked if she has any feelings for me and she replied yes as a friend, which hurt. I shouldn't waste my energy of someone who hurt me & moved on so quick. I keep saying to myself I never want to get back with her but I know if she asked I would. I have been out every week for the past 2 months to have fun with friends & move on but no girls even look in my direction. I don't want a new gf but some female attention would be nice, maybe they can sense a broken heart.

Female attention is a good boost, but it's not the answer. The answer to your broken heart is yourself. If you look for something or someone else to fix it you will never grow, you will never be happy. You will be chasing a wheel of desire that never fully satisfies.

We can't fix your broken heart, but we can give you directions and hopefully you'll find the way if you really try. You are the key to your own happiness. If friends and girls aren't helping your situation, maybe you should just be reclusive for awhile and really figure out your emotions.

You can start off with the question "Why do I still want to be with my ex?"

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