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Tapping at my
chamber door

In2008, I'llGetMeAShotgun

I will also:
1.
Yield.
2. Get closer to
God.
3.
Job
hunt some more.
4. Get closer to my
family.
5. Learn a new language.
6.
Finish
at least one screenplay.
7.
Lose
the extra
weight.
8. Get a
driver's license.
I will not buy a car.
9. I will
rule my world.
10. I will have my
revenge.

Territories of "wisdom"

He touched the wrinkles on his face and wondered if they were real. He can’t remember having them yesterday, but then again he can’t remember his kindergarten years either. Perhaps he had them back then too, back when he was supposedly chubby-cute and innocent.

Back when no meant no and yes meant yes.

Back when his only dream contained chocolate syrup and his worst nightmare was a beating by his old man's belt.

Along with these wrinkles came dreams of a big bank account and an island of his own, to stick his flag into every dollar and every girl. He won't kid himself anymore. Family and children, he figured, are only means to eventually find someone to change his diapers when he's old and bury him when he dies... and beg for his forgiveness when he's long gone.

We change. We evolve. We devolve.

He'd tear his chubby-cute pictures apart if he'd only find their location in the deep sewers of his mind. Nobody likes chubby-cute. Nobody fears chubby-cute.

Another wrinkle across the forehead marking something else he's learned. It's like that, life that is. No matter how close you are to your parents, how rich you are, how a good-listener you've been... If you're ever going to learn anything it'll be the hard way. It's not a matter of ethics and value and spirituality anymore. It's about who'll end up standing, sticking his flag, marking his territory, peeing all over his own self degenerate life.

That wrinkle said that.

He also has a wrinkle on the sides of his lips, disguised as dimples, posing as false beauty marks. They remind him of the times he's smiled before. They also remind him of his college years. Back when he got betrayed by his friends many, many times, turned down by a cute girl and seduced by her sister; acknowledged by an honest professor and failed by a jealous one who knew his uncle and didn’t want it to seem like he was doing his uncle any favors.

Social hypocrisy ain't really bliss, he's learned.

However… he doesn't care what he's learned. He'll have to learn more anyway. It'll never be enough; but he knows that when he dreams at night all wrinkles will fade away.

"No matter how close you are to your parents, how rich you are, how a good-listener you've been... If you're ever going to learn anything it'll be the hard way. It's not a matter of ethics and value and spirituality anymore."

"but he knows that when he dreams at night all wrinkles will fade away."

The other day, li'l pudding told me, before going to bed, "I'll see you tomorrow if I get my soul back.. InshaAllah"..

For some reason when I read your post I thought of this CEO of some multi-million dollar company and he's sitting in his chair - more like slumped - with his chin resting in his palm. He's all alone in this huge office overlooking dozens of skyscrappers. He's not looking at the view though...he's just absent-minded. He's basically this old man who puts on this tough act so as to be feared and respected by everyone when in reality he's just a scared little boy who needs to be comforted and cared for.