UDATED! FREAKING. OUT.

This is supposed to be a post about how awesome sharks are but I can’t even do it because OHMYGODYOUGUYSMYBOOKISHERE. And MY AUDIO BOOK TOO. Sorry for all the screaming but I just got the final, hardback version that comes out next month and then I screamed a little because this is a decade in the making and also because OHMYGODYOUGUYS it comes out next month.

Sorry. I’m geeking out in an incredibly embarrassing fashion but I can’t help it and you’ve been with me through this entire process so I want to celebrate with you.

So to celebrate I’m giving away an autographed copy of my book and of the audiobook too. Just leave a comment and this week one of you will be randomly selected to win this:

Not the cat butt. That's mine.

And in related, panic-inducing news, I’m going on tour. Much like Bon Jovi. Or like artifacts from terrible disasters.

I read your interview on Amazon! I think you are fantastic and if I win an autographed copy of your book I already know who I am going to have read it as soon as I am finished. Congratulations, this is big! HUGE! You should be extremely proud of yourself. Great Job!

OMG! So very happy for you…and proud of you too! As an author in waiting I know how much energy and yourself goes into getting the words out onto the paper. Now you just need to come to Ottawa, Canada for a book signing!! I’ll be buying multiple copies for girlfriend gifts since my friends and I are just as crazy as you claim to be…so that must make us all normal, right???

So excited for your book, and I love audiobooks. I’d adore being able to possibly potentially win an autographed copy of anything of yours. Also, if you come to Dallas, I will try my hardest to be there 😀

Susan took the words right out of my mouth. I’d ask you to come to my town, too, but I can’t imagine how hard making the tour nationwide would be on you with your anxiety issues and your probable desire to parent your daughter and not have a major autoimmune flair-up and such. So instead I’ll just say GOOD FOR YOU! I love it when people who deserve to succeed do just that 🙂

Please come to Philly! We can run up the art museum steps like Rocky and eat cheesesteaks. We should probably do the steps first, THEN the cheesesteaks because I’d really rather not throw up cheesesteak at the top of the steps.

HOLY COW OH MY GOD JENNY AAAH. There, now we’ve BOTH geeked out in an embarrassing fashion, so you don’t have to feel so alone.

I’m about an hour from DC, but will try to take the train up to NYC and see you!! Poor East Coast, only one place to see the awesome Bloggess in person!

Can’t wait to get your book and its book plate! I pre-ordered just for the book plate; I think that’s the first time I’ve pre-ordered anything! I’m so excited for the audio book as well. Did your producers end up keeping that blooper reel?

Bloggess sweetheart,you are going to be FINE!!!!!! Also: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY Hurray! Your BOOK!!!!!!!!.Cheese& Ballons and more CHEESE (Im Dutch)!!!!YOU WROTE A BOOK.enough with the caps already..NO! BOOK!!!!

I got a surprise media copy yesterday and it made my day. We usually get books that I have no interest in, but I jumped on this on and read nearly the whole thing yesterday in a 5 hr bath. I freaking love it. You are such an inspiration and make me feel better about my crazy life.

Oh, I’ve preordered your book but because I am from Spain I don’t have the chance of getting the autographed plate so it would be so soo great to have the autographed book! I promise not to back off from buying the book even if I end up with two copies!
Ps: I’ll love you anyway if you don’t send it to me 😉

Book looks great, and I’m sure even more so in person. Can’t wait to get a copy! I’d say cant wait to meet you on the tour…but I live in Canada. You don’t want to tour here, it’s cold. Well, actually, not this year. Thanks Global Warming!!

Oh! I was geeking out too much to remember to add this: I am so proud/impressed that you’re book touring! Though with your anxiety and so much socialization, you might need to be heavily medicated afterwards – or, hell, during. If I don’t see you in the bookstore itself, should I check the bathroom?

Also, since you’re coming to Miami for the mom2mom summit, you or “your people” might want to consider contacting Mitchell Kaplan at Books and Books to arrange a signing there. Jen Lancaster was there recently. They host signings for authors both fledgling and well-established. Just a thought!

I preordered the book already, but now I’m thinking I’d get it read much faster in audio form, what with this toddler who keeps me from having time to read (and keeps trying to “help” me type this comment).

Yay! That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to get my copy! Ya know, if I’d known when I met you years ago that you’d become a published author who’d be collating paper with Wil Wheaton & hanging out with 7 of 9 AND Punky Brewster, I would’ve sucked up to you. Like A LOT!! 🙂

Can’t wait to read your book! I preordered in December and have been sitting by my mailbox ever since! My coworkers even gifted me a taxidermied rat named Cecelia in your honor… she is wearing a new jaunty spring frock today.

I would LOVE to be at your book tour, but sadly your closest signing is 1500 km away. I think I just outed myself as a Canadian.
In related news, I read your book excerpt at work the other day and then had to explain to my boss what was so damn funny. I only narrowly avoided having to use “is this your penis” in the explanation, but mostly because I was laughing too hard.

As I am in England I have to wait for months and months for my book to arrive. Hope you come visit us over here some time it’s great (so long as you don’t mind the cold, and the rain, and the people grumbling around on the streets – not really selling this idea am I?).

I’ve noted your Austin appearance on my calendar. When you announce the venue, I’ll start coordinating your bathroom bug-out locations. Might stop at REI for one of those portable camping bathroom tents so we have a back up plan.

I know you can’t be everywhere, but I happen to know that you have legions of fans in metro Detroit. I will offer you use of my guest room and will even start scouring stores for a taxidermied animals so you will feel more comfortable.

We’re WAY more fucked up here in Boston. What with our ‘4 seasons’ and ‘accents’ and ‘sports teams that win things’ – we’d really appreciate a date more than San Antonio. Seriously, San Antonio sounds like the character in a romance novel. I suggest you switch.

My daughter was looking over my shoulder as I was reading this post, and she thought the drawing was of me. I told her, “That’s not me.” She said, “Oh, it must be the evilest of mommies, then.” She is 4 and very random.

AWESOME!!! Congrats!!1 (Now for the selfish begging) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE add some dates and come to the Midwest – especially Wisconsin but if it’s anywhere close we’ll drive and be there! (The we’ll are me and my awesome coworkers who adore you!)

Oh, of course. You’re going everywhere, but not to Cologne. Just because it’s in another country. On a different continent. And your book hasn’t been published here yet, so we could not even preorder and get a bookplate. You probably wouldn’t even ship the book here if I won.

I am quite certain that taxidermied animals dressed up in costumes await you in the mile high city of Denver, if you could include us on the book tour. Along with transplanted Texans (NOT taxidermied). Basically, Denver is like home, with less bugs and better hair 🙂

You bring joy to me every time I read your posts. I have shared you with my many students at the J Cafe in the Reynolds Journalism Institute in Columbia Missouri. I wish you were coming here….but it looks like you are going to huge cities. Be safe and congratulations.

I really wish I could see the tour – seriously you should go international and come to the UK.It’s like a colder, smaller, damper, armadilloless, not very Texan version of Texas with a little old blinged out German lady running the show. Bring a woolly jumper and I’ll bring the tea (obviously by tea I mean hard liquor).

But if the temptation of visiting a country whose national plant is dry rot fungus can’t persuade you to hop on a plane, then at least make sure your tour organisers dress the stage like a nice friendly bathroom so you can hide from *and* perform to your fans.

Love it! But pretty please add Maine? No? Too out of the way? How about Boston then? I am there much of the time at Childrens Hospital with my youngest so I could just tell the nurses, “Hey, look, you watch her for a while, The Bloggess is coming and it’s all about priorities!” Then I would return to CPS and interviews with social workers but it would all be worth it because I would have gotten to meet “One of the weirdest people I know”. That is a quote that my oldest once said to her uncle (in the most adoring way so that is how you need to picture me saying it). Believe me, it is a HUGE compliment in my family! So yeah, in case by now you’ve forgotten my original point, come to Maine….or Boston!

Joshua wants you to come to Kansas, and I know he has only the best of intentions, but please don’t come to Kansas because I’m not sure it will ever completely wash off and you don’t deserve state-based permastains. I tell you this because I am your friend.

Congrats on the book! I’d love to win one, but if I don’t, I’m buyin’ that baby.

You’re going to be awesome on tour! You’re an inspiration to all of us that don’t exactly fit in – when I grow-up I want to be like you! For now I guess I’ll have to settle for cutting you and putting you on a stick. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Congrats!!
Consider swinging up to Michigan on your next book tour.
I’d love a win a copy — I preordered a copy for my girlfriend, but she’s a slow reader (and in a different state!) so, I’d love to get my hands on a copy of my own.

OH MAN! I really want to win an autographed copy. I’m sad that all the bookplates are sold out so I can’t get one of those, and we surely can’t make your arthritis worse by making you sign another 10,000.

You should make a tour up to the UP of MI so you can make fun of our hickness. I’m sure it would be endlessly entertaining.

So excited to get your book, I preordered it a while ago (and stupidly ordered a CD from Amazon at the same time, and they’re both being shipping together, so I’ve had to wait two months for the CD. OH WELL).
The closest place you’re coming on tour to where I live is New York… and that’s over a five hour drive for me. 😦 Booo. I hope you add more locations, such as maybe D.C? -hinthint-

I’m sooooo excited and happy for you!!! I bought the iBooks version and then promptly forgot so that when I checked Amazon a few weeks later to get the bookplate I didn’t see my order. So naturally, I then preordered a the actual book. Of course, I want the audio edition now as well.

Oh, and if you make a swing thru Nashville, all of my friends and I would definitely come see ya! Would you mind if I joined you in the bathroom?? I’m a guy so that might make it creepy though I really hope not. 🙂

Whew! I thought for sure you were going to send me a cat butt. Then, hell. I’d have to drive all the damn way to UPS or the freaking post office. It would just be a huge ordeal. Glad you are keeping it.

In other news, yipee, congrats, and ohmydeargawd this is SO exciting!!!

Oops, almost forgot to say, this is the witch Julie, not any of the others.
Now, please come to Oregon on your tour. I know of, personally, three of us who’d show up. With cupcakes. Or booze. Or both.

Congratulations!!! I have to say, for a second there “Click on graphic for details and ticket info” gave me a double-take because my caffeineless brain read that as “Click for graphic details…”. Come to the mid-west!!

My brain doesn’t condone reading but the voices in my head told me that I should read this book. I always listen to the voices in my head. Congrats and good luck. Also Jersey isn’t on the tour list. Why? Oh…yeah…don’t answer that.

Congratulations, Jenny…we’re all freaking out a little bit for you, too! I’m looking forward to reading the book and it would be a total bonus to win your giveaway (even if the cat butt isn’t included).

Wow – the screaming woke me up here in Canada! Such exciting news – can’t wait to read the book (and then use the hardback version to kill spiders – y’know, because your words are like spider kryptonite).

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Come to KY! We will put you on a horse and parade you around to the hillbillies. It could spur on fodder for a sequel! And we will feed you hotbrown and bourbon. It would be the time of your life. I could even take you to my grandmother’s attic and find all kinds of dead rodents and bats for you to have taxidermied (is that a word?) Either way, you must come to KY on your tour! Oh- and I’d love to win the book!!!

Please come to Philadelphia. I will treat you to a cheese steak and we can debate people over cheese whiz or real cheese. Then we can buy a pretzel off of a street vendor who has no access to public restrooms. Doesn’t this all sound so appealing. Please come to the Philadelphia area.

Congrats! I can’t wait to pick up the book….although I’m stunned that you won’t be visiting my neck of the woods. What kind of book tour doesn’t include the teeming metropolis of Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada? 🙂

I apologize in advance if I win the book and still won’t loan out the book I pre-ordered because everyone needs to have their own to keep. And the audio book, too. Condolences to those who have the Kindle version without the cover mouse. Why would there be no cover mouse in the Kindle version? If my memory were better I would certainly worry about that a bit.

Happy Trails!

If you cloned yourself so you did not have to continue your tour when you get tired of it, your clone would probably be the one not to tour. And then the second clone would keep that clone company in your real life. So just put that out of your mind.

Congratulations on the book!! It’s amazing! Wish you would have a few Louisiana tour dates as we are just right next door ! Maybe next time! Maybe I can talk my friends into going to the Dallas one! Best of luck to you!!

You really should come to the Midwest… We are pretty awesome here… And also, maybe I have missed it, but why are you always wearing the same dress in all your pictures? It’s super cute… But still wondering.

come to Nashville!!! That way my boyfriend will no longer have to listen to me saying how much I want to meet you…. and will instead have to listen to me gush about how awesome you are (not that he doesn’t have to do that anyway…) Can’t wait to read the book!

I already pre-ordered my copy, but I still want to win the free book so I can give it to my besty.
I’m bummed you aren’t coming anywhere closer to Southern Oregon b/c we have very nice bathrooms to hide & have panic attacks in. (Trust me, I know.)

This is SO exciting!! I can’t wait and after I sent my Mom a link to the awesome things you wrote about your mom, (it put into words what I think about my mom, so I sent her the link and told her ditto, so thanks! ((the one about how she thinks she is a background character, but is actually a star)))- My Mom is now jazzed to read the book too- I even taught her how to read a blog on the internet (baby steps)

I’ve already preordered the book from Amazon, but I wouldn’t say no to a second copy. And yay! Audiobook! I’ve been listening to a lot of them lately. ‘Cause it’s hard to knit and read at the same time.

Ahhhh!! I love the fluffy kitty butt!! I’ve been following your blog for a while but I never commented… I admit I really would like to win a book… even sans cat fluff, eh hehe. You’re an inspiration to me, since I’m struggling with depression and anxiety as well. Mine is not as severe as yours, so you give me a lot of hope that it’s possible to escape. Thank you 🙂

I can’t wait for you to come to Houston! I’ve been planning to stalk you but you know how busy life gets so I hadn’t gotten around to it yet but now you’re coming here! I’m apparently the laziest stalker ever. I can’t wait! Please don’t get a bodyguard. I’m just geeking out myself! I’m so excited!

Congratulations! You probably definitely want to come to Springfield, MO. I mean, who doesn’t want to visit the world famous… Yeah, you’re right. We got nothin’. Just the original Bass Pro Shop. Dammit.

Who cares about shark anyway when there’s a new book on the horizon?! Congratulations. You are living the dream for someone like me. Would be an honor to win 🙂 Hope to see you in NYC for your tour!
-Maiah

I would totally be freaking out too!!! If you come to Tulsa or a little Rock, I will soooooooo be there!!! I can only dream about you coming to Bentonville. Why would you come to Bentonville? Even I don’t particularly love Bentonville, but we do have this awesome, world-class American art museum!!! 😀

Congrats! I couldn’t help but notice that your book tour doesn’t extend to The Ass End of Nowhere, which is where I reside, though I would love to join you. You’re welcome at my house – we have a spare room, and a nice big yard for your taxidermied animals to do their business.

There is an empty space on my bookshelf in between the dog-earred copy of the Kama Sutra and The Complete Works of William Shakespeare that needs a little classing up– it’s been reserved just for you, Lady! Also? I promise NOT to do the following with your signature if I won an autographed copy: send love letters to Rush Limbaugh, write checks for $.11, send myself love letters at work to make myself seem mysterious and popular. (Ok, maybe that last one, but only once or twice a week, I swear!)

You should come to Alabama. We’re, like, experts in the ways of kitschy metal chickens and inappropriate dead things. Technically, Alabama and Texas are like cousins. That made out one summer. And then never spoke of it again. There’s no way you cant come now, right?

Jenny, congratulations on your awesome achievement of writing AND finishing a book AND getting it published AND being brave enough to go on tour. Looking forward to receiving my copy – seems like I pre-ordered it a decade ago.

OMG YOU ROCK YOU JUST ROCK SO MUCH I CAN’T STAND IT! Whew, needed to get that out. Super sad none of your tour dates is in Wes’BYGAWD Virginny, but I can’t really say I blame ya for trying to stay far, far away!

Um, it’s totally okay that you are freaking out! I mean, come on!! I totes want the autographed copy pretty please! Then I can show it off to all my friends who don’t believe me when I tell stories from your blog. Lol And I will totally be there when you come to Houston! So excited, eeeek!

Seeing all your fans from around the country (and from other countries) begging you to come their cities makes me love it even more that you are a fellow Texan. You represent our state as well as any celebrity ever has — including Gary Busey. Thank you for that.

I already pre-ordered the book (and book plate!), but I’ve been thinking about also buying the audio book, because I JUST KNOW that the whole thing will be THAT MUCH BETTER with you reading it. Which is to say, audio book, pretty please?

So exciting, Jenny!! I bought your book for a friend for her birthday, got a nameplate too! I can’t wait for the audiobook to hear you in your own voice. If you’re considering adding a stop on your tour, Minneapolis is lovely in the summer! (begging politely)

So I’m all the way down here in Melbourne, Australia (think penguins, but with coffee, and then bush fires (which is not very antarctica at all)) and not only do we not get your book for perhaps like years, BUT then when we do, we have this bloody annoying protectionist rubbish that means they add TRILLIONS of dollars to the price to “protect Australian book publishers”. I say rubbish! LET’S START A REVOLUTION ON AN INCREDIBLY SMALL AND INEFFECTUAL WAY! If I got your book, it would become a bastion of a new enlightenment here; like Luther nailing the protest to the church doors, but less memorable because the good book would be telling us to pretend it never happened.

I totally can’t wait for your book to come out! I’ve pre-ordered but would love an autographed copy for my best friend who got me hooked on you! (In a very non creepy stalkerish kind of way!)I Also you should come to Knoxville on your book tour because, well it would just be cool!

If I was pregnant, this news totally would have sent me into labor. Since I am not pregnant, it gave me back spasms! I am so excited for you! And since I pre-ordered YEARS AGO, I can’t freaking wait! Seeing my beloved Matthew Broderick with a copy kind of made me stabby, I have to admit.

PS – come to Nashville! You know they just opened an American Pickers there, we can go find weird shit together. Juanita and Beyonce need another girl around, no? I’m thinking a taxidermied Destiny’s Child…

I am so excited for this book. I promise that if I get a signed copy I won’t try to extract the DNA from your hand sweat and use an elaborate “getting things done” 80’s movie style montage in order to build my own Jenny.

I am so excited to be meeting you! I’ll be a the Blue Willow signing in Houston. I might even try to scare up a red dress. I’ve already passed the one I wore in my photo shoot on to the next person. This will be so awesome!!!!

If you were coming closer to Florida, I would come visit you, but you are going to be pretty far away. So, I will settle for you choosing me to win a autographed copy of your book. Then we can pretend I drove multiple hours in my car with a 17 month old, to stand in an incredibly long line for an autographed copy of your book. See, allowing me to win would be so much easier.

While I recognize that I live in the ass-end of nowhere, I’d LOVE it if you came to Lafayette, Indiana. You could howl at the moon with the wolves here. (I’m serious). You could…um, I’m out. That’s about the only interesting thing we do here, unless you’re into small-time college football or chain restaurants. (I’ll also point out that the howling at the moon thing was all my mother could focus on when we told her we were moving here and supported her fear that midwesterners eat their young. Even though wolves don’t, as far as I understand it. I’m really not a wolfologist, even though I live in such close proximity to groups of people who regularly go howl with them. In any case, I’m not sure that Mom’s fear was entirely rational.)

Looking back over what I’ve written so far, I don’t think I’ve done a great job of selling you on a stop in Lafayette. But anywhere in the midwest that’s within a 4-5 hour drive would be awesome. And I speed, so that opens the radius somewhat.

Congratulations! What are you going to do on your tour? I’m picturing a David Sedaris style reading, but only for small groups in bookstore bathrooms… It sounds amazing. Bathroom acoustics are incredible.

OMG, please come to Orlando!!!! Or anywhere in Florida, really. Except the Panhandle. That’s not real Florida. Or go to Chicago because then I can fly home to visit family and friends and see you at the same time. Win Win.
Lastly, Congrats on your book! I just ordered it earlier this week. Now you have me intrigued with your audio book, though…..

Ok wait, that comment made it sound like I would pee if you came to Washington DC. That is not what I meant. (Although to be honest it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility). Don’t let that stop you though!

So excited for you!! My first book is coming out next week and I’ve been jumping up and down ever since I got to see the first yes-it-looks-just-like-a-book proof. Ask my friends…they are all deaf from the screaming.

1) Please visit Atlanta on your book tour. 2) If this comment wins your book give away, please donate the prize to some loyal reader who is having trouble affording you book (my copy is long ago ordered from Amazon).

Where’s your Philly date? We love you in Philly. We’re a city, too…right? (okay, I used to live in New York, so city…not so much) but come on! I know that the dates you already have are going to be hard enough for you, but I was so hoping that I could get to see you and maybe even meet you in person. I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and I am so inspired by what you’ve been able to do, especially that its not totally in spite of, but by embracing those parts of you (plus some in spite of, it seems). Rock on, woman!

Come to Pittsburgh, PA or someplace which isn’t as nice but is within reasonable driving distance of where I live. Not that I’m selfish or anything. In fact, I will unselfishly fill my car with several friends who are also big fans of yours, and bring them with me. Just for you.

I got mine on order and hope to get one of your furiously signed bookplates too! I won’t be able to see you but if you get sidetracked to Madison, WI somehow I’ve got two cat butts and a basement bathroom waiting for you. Um, sorry, that sounds creepy…..

I can’t wait to read it! You need add a stop in Florida to your tour! Me and my curlers will be first in line. Congratulations and best wishes for all the more fabulous things I know are in your future.

CONGRATULATIONS! I am so excited to get my grabby hands on that sucker next month and read my face off. Not like “Face-Off” the movie, though. No one wants Nic Cage to show up when they’re reading. That would be just the worst.

Denver is right in the middle of California and Texas. You know what I’m saying.

Is it sad that the arrival of your book (audio READ BY JENNY WOO HOO!!), the release of Diablo 3, and the release of the Hunger Games film are the top three most exciting things I have to look forward to in the next two months?

I wish you all the best on your upcoming tour! I hope you sell a lot of books but, most importantly I hope you finally meet all those who have come to enjoy your words that in invoke visions that make us all laugh and cry in the same paragraph. Good Luck!

I’m beyond thrilled for you! Reading your big has made me such a huge fan but also care about you and your struggles and your successes like my own. You are completely amazing and I can’t wait to read your book that I’ve had pre ordered since early December!!

I second (or probably 10th at this point) coming to Chicago, or better yet, Minneapolis. It’s a great place to visit 5 months out of the year. We only have blizzards in April on very rare occasions. By May you are (usually!) safe.
I’m so thrilled to get the audio version of your book. I have a feeling it’s going to be like David Sedaris’ books – once you listen to one you can never read them on your own. Half the enjoyment comes from hearing him read the story. I’m purposefully scheduling a road trip after I get your book so I can listen without interruption.

That is AAA AWESOME!!!! If I were randomly chosen to receive this most precious book I would immediately share it with my AAA Awesome friend Kate, and revel in the book I’ve already pre-ordered. Just sayin…I give books, like crazy.

1. I would love a signed anything from you.
2. You deserve every success there is to have.
3. The thought of you going on book tour had never occurred to me; I now realize if I went I would suddenly shake and wheeze and meet you with ugly tears and nose bubbles. You know. Like a freak. So please take my absence as an affirmation of my liking you. Cause you don’t need to see that.

Amazing! The entire office will be jealous when the book arrives. We are planning a luncheon to go and retrieve the book (should it not arrive early)… on a patio somewhere that we can read aloud, so all of the patrons can enjoy the humor that is you. Thanks! Keep writing…

Mazel Tov! Just wait until you see it on the shelf in the bookstore or someone reading it in the park. On a more serious note, I don’t see BOSTON on your tour list. Is there anything we can do to expand the tour? You could do the reading from my bathroom and I would hand the copies in to be signed along with martinis.

Yay! This IS exciting news! Though, truth be told, I was kind of hoping a cat butt was included in the prize. Maybe you can let Ferris Mueller roll around in the book a little bit so it’s nice and hairy, so we can feel like we got a cat butt?

I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and never commented. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve literally laughed out loud while reading it. Your heartfelt words about depression have been a way for me to connect with my sister who suffers from bipolar disorder. She reads your blog now too. Good luck with the book. I can’t wait to buy a copy.

This is so exciting! Congratulations! I can’t wait to read your book. Therefore, I would love to win a copy! PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME!PICKME! (Sorry, that was a little obnoxious)

Thrilled for you hun!I can’t wait to get a hold of the book myself,i may have my own panic attack.Wish you could come to Florida,but one of these days I’ll catch you in TX.Thank you for being such a wonderful and hilarious part of my life everyday via your blog!

YAY! So excited and can’t wait to read it. Wish you were coming to St. Louis . Also, since I have already ordered the Kindle version I’d prefer the signed cat butt. In return I will send you a picture of my cat holding twine.

Oh my goodness, I would like one of these, pleases! If you can post them to London, that is. Not the cat. I am pretty certain that posting cats to the United Kingdom from Texas is not something we should be attempting. even for comedy purposes. Good luck with the readings!

Dear Goddess Mother of Beyonce, I can’t WAIT to come to your book signing in Corte Madera on April 20th!!! I may feel compelled to bring MY metal chicken, Ross (guess where I bought him?)…and friends! Congrats on the new book, I can’t WAIT to read it!!! Yours in taxidermy love, Amy

Congratulations! From the excerpt you posted the other day I know it will be hilarious (like everything you do). If you make it to Michigan I would love to go to a signing! (this offer is anywhere in Michigan. Seriously. You choose the UP? I’ll be there. Mackinac island? Yup. Detroit? Same. Just don’t go to Ohio and forget about us, okay? I hate when that happens)

Go Jenny! Congrats on all of this, and it’s been a pleasure reading your posts as you go through this! You’re going to meet so many amazing fans on your tour! (Although your tour seems a little Texas heavy…Kansas City is not that far north, really. Just sayin’…)

This is my first comment on A blog (not just your blog) ever . . . no big deal. Congrats on your book! If you and Bon Jovi went on tour together, my life would be complete. Seriously, you could do readings in between songs.

I would so bring you nachos under the table, if you came to Boston. I’d even bring you some to New York, if I wasn’t going to be in Flrida that week. So Please Please consider oming o Boston. I’ll make the achos myself and we can hide under the table together.

Congrats! I can see Ferris Mewler is preparing a little party of his own. As soon as your back is turned, he’s going to sit on that book.

Books must be the cushiest, most awesome thing ever to a cat butt. Better than pillows, better than the top of an old-style TV. I have four cats. If I leave a book on any flat surface, I will see a cat sitting on it within the hour. Sometimes they fight over it.

So one day I tried sitting on a book. I picked a bigger book – one of those coffee table books – because I have a bigger butt. Honestly, I don’t see the appeal. It’s probably one of those ways that cats are smarter than us.

So excited! Maybe you could ask the good folks of the cities you’re visiting to send you pictures of the nicest public bathrooms in the area? Then you’d have some good locations set up if you need to go hang out in a one during the book signings!

I am so happy for you. I wish you were coming somewhere closer to South Carolina, ’cause no one ever comes to South Carolina willingly, unless it’s Myrtle Beach or Charleston. See, bam, you could come and have a vacation whilst book touring and all of your minions would be all, yeah, we’ll go to Myrtle Beach to see the Bloggess and you would be helping my poor state with the ginormous influx of tourist dollars. Get this idea to your publisher stat. oh and yes, I have pre-ordered but an autographed copye. HUGE i tells ya

Please oh please come to Chicago! I promise that we can get you set up in a bathroom somewhere (though it would have to be unisex bathroom so the gents could participate) with generous amounts of booze slushies.

And also, you may or may not owe some employment law attorneys at my corporation new pairs of undies because after they read the HR excerpt they may or may not have experienced leakage from all the laughter.

This is awesome! I hope your book will be available here on the other side of the world. (I can also pray I’ll find a copy at the secondhand bookshop. I got Anderson Cooper’s book there and it was only released months earlier).

If I get an autographed book I’m getting you to sign it again. D: But, don’t pick me for the audio book because people reading to me reminds me of college and puts me to sleep. Also because it’s harder to lick the pages of an audiobook.

But Jenny? With the panic attacks and everything else, I think that your decision to go on a multi-state book tour is one of the bravest things I can imagine. I don’t have panic attacks, but I’d absolutely fold at that schedule. Your courage is amazing.

So excited for you – and I’m excited for ME to read it! Your blog posts perk up my days, and make me feel like being my weird self is awesome. Now I need to go print out my Beyonce on a stick, as my office needs additional spunk.

I keep waiting and waiting for your book to come out. I laugh till I pee just reading your blog, I can only imagine what effect the book will have on me. And it would be awesome if you came to Arkansas. Your not that far away, I mean you have 4 cities in Texas so you could totally just slide on over this way. You can stay with me, I have room.

Yes! You’ll be in Austin. As I live in Round Rock I have no excuse whatsoever not to come. Love your blog and can’t wait to read the book. Why yes, I have pre-ordered AND requested the personalized book plate. So happy for you!

Come to South Carolina! We have crazy taxidermied armadillos and other crazy creatures for your collection! I’m so excited to read your book while I am on maternity leave! Going to get my son started early! 🙂

I’m adding onto the list of places people want you! DENVER! The mountains are beautiful, and even though my bathroom might be small, it’s totally suitable for a Jenny party, though I can’t promise any band appearances. Yet.

Wow! Sooooo exciting about the book… the touring too except you aren’t coming to Australia. Perth is a nice place to visit… hint hint! Seriously though… congratulations on your book. I will definitely be ordering a copy! Your blog posts often brighten my day.

Congratulations on the book. I can’t wait to read it! As soon as it’s available I’m downloading that bad boy onto my Kindle, sending the kids to grandmas and telling the hubs to go out with the boys so I can read in peace and quiet.

I’ve already pre-ordered your book (and can’t wait for it to get here!) but I absolutely wouldn’t say no to a signed copy OR to an audio copy. I love audio books!

Anyway, congratulations on your book and good luck on the tour! I doubt I’ll get to see you cause it doesn’t look (so far) like you’re going to make it to the East Coast. But if you do, I’ll try to be there!

Congratulations. I too have written a book, an audio book and a comic book. But unlike you Jenny, I am greedy and do not like to share. Although, I do go on tour. OK, it’s more a vacationing since I have to pay for it myself and I HAVE to take my wife along. Commitment!! Errr! I will be reading to myself every night before I cry myself to sleep.

Good luck to you on your book tour. If you come to Washington D.C., I could give you a tour or the district and all of its history. But only the dirty, scary, nasty places.

Congratulations! I’m so excited for you and for me because soon my copy of your book will be in my mailbox. Yay!!!
Hope you add a date in St. Louis. I’d so like to meet you. I think we might be related. Well, not really, but we totally could be.

I WANT THAT IN MY HOUSE!!! Or maybe in my brain? Ooh, will the sequel come from your tour, because that is probably the only way I will get to see most of those places. Or you could come to Coventry, UK and I will bake scones and we can have a proper cream tea!

You should come to Portland, Maine. Or Boston. But Portland is preferable because then we can road trip to Bangor to view the 5 story porn box…and then find Stephen King and get him to hold a model airplane…or something else, but the plane would be rad because I’m convinced the gratuitous plane shots in The Langoliers were done in his bathtub during a bubble bath.

So so so excited for you! Congrats! Although I’m wondering how on earth you got MY cat to pose in your picture….of cat porn! She’s usually so shy….

I pre-ordered your book a couple of months ago and the anticipation of waiting until it arrives has just been almost unbearable! Now I see you’re coming to Dallas! EEEeeeeek! I’ll totally be there!

Thanks too for the nameplate. And the chance to win the autographed copy of your book! If, by chance, I’m lucky enough to win, then I can give the one I ordered away to one of my readers! Total awesomeness!

Posting here because I want to get me this awesome book. And it’s the only chance I get to get an autographed version, because I live in Europe.
There is a world outside of the US you know, and it’s not just Canada. We got rid of the dragons that be here, so it’s perfectly safe. Well, most of the times. But no dragons!

So cannot wait to read your book. Have been an avid blog reader for ages. Please consider a book tour stop in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Granted, it’s not all bright lights/big city like some other stops, but we’re a kind, gentle folk. The kind that won’t make you want to hide in a bathroom. I promise.

I would LOVE a signed copy of your book and audio book! I’ve already preordered one of each from Amazon, so if I won, I’d probably give my preordered copies to someone less fortunate than myself…. like my girlfriend who works a bazillion hours a week and could REALLY USE A GOOD LAUGH.

I love that you’re giving away the audiobook, too, because I listen to those in my car pretty much constantly and my local library’s selection is pretty crappy. I’d love to listen to your book and have to pull over from laughing so hard.

Holy cow, I almost didn’t even bother leaving a comment cause there are so many already! Good for you! I already preordered my book, but an audiobook would be awesome! Or an extra book to give as a gift!

joining in the Come to Philly chorus. Only screw cheesesteaks, they’re kindof gross. We have the Mutter Museum, an entire museum devoted to medical oddities like Siamese twins, giant demon babies, and crazy crap that’s come out of people’s bodies! Do a google image search and tell me honestly that you don’t want to come.

Come to Phoenix? Pretty please? (Yes, I know you have no control over it, but it doesn’t mean I won’t beg!) This is so incredibly exciting…I can’t wait to get my own copy and dive right into it. Congrats on your amazing achievement!