America’s Next Top Model All-Stars – Week 3

One-Sentence Summary: The girls continue the quest to brand themselves by doing a photo shoot on stilts… Yeah.

My Thoughts:

Manischewitz? That's not fierce.

Rachel: So, tonight we get to have a very special conversation with Kristin Cavallari and do a photo shoot on stilts. I feel like all my reality TV shows are melting together in a kaleidoscope of lunacy. We have a Dancing With The Stars cast member on tonight’s show which also features a Project Runway Challenge re-imagined as an ANTM Photo Challenge. It hurts my brain. Then again, I have decided to dedicate my free time to watching reality television so I guess I only have myself to blame. Well, it’s nothing a nice glass of… Oh wait, it’s Rosh Hashanah… a diabetes-inducing glass of Manischewitz can’t cure. Ugh… This doesn’t bode well for me. Wishing those that celebrate a Happy New Year filled with smizing and fierceness.

The BS Is Getting Deep

The girls get a special sit-down with Kristin Cavallari about the realities of being a star and having haters. The girls are rapt with fascination.

Kristin Cavallari shows up at the models’ house and is greeted with a chorus of “OMGs” and “No ways”. She talks to the girls about what it’s like to be famous and to have haters. Just be true to yourself. So, you know, if you’re a bitch. Just be true to it. M’kay… So, if I’m understanding this correctly, it’s cool to be a bitch if it makes you famous-ish? Did I just accidentally happen into a Future Leaders of America meeting? Sure sounds like it.

So, Tell Me A Little Bit About Yourself

The girls head to The Grove for an interview challenge with Mario Lopez. They are split into two teams. The team that shows Nigel, who is judging, the best representation overall of their personalities will win immunity this week. Yes, a Top Model first; an immunity challenge. Team one is Lisa, Angelea, Isis, Alexandria, Laura & Dominique. Team Two is Shannon, Bre, Allison, Camille, Kayla & Bianca. Lisa steps on her team members' toes which didn't help their overall blandness and they lose putting them up for elimination this week. Allison impresses NIgel the most and nets her team the win.

The girls head to The Grove, an outdoor mall and farmers’ market in LA. Ahh, I spent many a weekend afternoon at that movie theater. But I digress… They’re there to be interviewed by Mario Lopez, host of Extra. (And another reality crossover here as he also hosts H8r… Haven’t seen it? Don’t bother. Seriously.) Immunity for 6 girls is pretty huge. You go from an 8% chance of going home to a 17% chance of going home if you’re on the losing team. That’s fancy math right there. You’re welcome. During the challenge, Lisa cannot stop high-fiving her teammates which is horribly annoying. Angelea channels her inner-bank-teller and gives a very professional answer. Nigel calls her out and says he wanted to see the real Angelea. She shows us the real her back in the limo when she goes off on a total bitch rant about the feedback. I like her better when she’s playing it “professional”. It’s less painful to my ears.

That’s a Tall Order

The girls are paired up (one with immunity and one on the chopping block) and put on stilts for today's photo shoot. Bianca's fear of heights threatens to ruin her day but she pulls it together and manages a great shoot with Lisa. Alexandria goes for broke with her poses and broke almost ends up being her ankle. The rest of the girls, minus Kayla and Camille who can't figure it out, do a respectable job.

Oh right stilt walkers. I forgot it was the Project Runway challenge. This is hilarious. It’s like watching models on acid. They’re falling everywhere. Ha! Meanwhile, Bianca is in the bathroom crying because she’s scared of heights. She does realize she’s on stilts and in a harness, not dangling from the side of a skyscraper right? Mr. Jay calls Shannon out for being ok in her outfit which looks like underwear. I love him for that. Shannon says she knew he’d say something but it’s a bathing suit so it’s ok by her. Oh, the hypocrisy drives me crazy. You are either showing your body or you’re not. It’s not the vehicle. It’s the view. There is no argument on earth that is going to convince me that a leather and mesh bikini is in some way more modest than a pair of boy shorts and a tank top. She has to go. I’m ready for her to go… But not tonight since she is safe. Damned immunity!

Say What?

Camille & Isis are teamed together and practice their poses.

Camille says she doesn’t understand how a transgendered woman could do better than a “real” woman. How open minded of you, Camille. Damn, people are ignorant. Ok, ready for her to go home too but once again I am foiled by the damn immunity. Grrr….

I Would Like To Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Panel

Angelea and Allison are called for their critique but Angelea needs to get something off of her chest first. She wants to understand why Nigel gave her the feedback he did at the Extra Challenge since she thought she was being professional.

Wow, I had a moment there when she stopped the judges from discussing her photo. I was all white-knuckle gripped on my computer waiting for the impact from the crash. But Angelea pulls off the question without being an ass and gets the explanation from Nigel that she was wanting. Well, color me pleasantly surprised. Last time Angelea went rogue at panel, we were subjected to her “star entering the club” dance. As if she hadn’t been gifted enough at panel, she then learns that the subtle but powerful “booty tooch”. Banner day, Angelea. Well, her critique wasn’t great so maybe not “banner”…

Tonight the girls are judged on their photos and how well they embody their personal brand. Yes, I started my review last week with the exact same sentence. Odds are you’ll see it again next week. The bottom two, Isis & Angelea, aren’t the worst in the bunch (those honors go to Camille & Kayla) but they are the bottom two of those girls who don’t have immunity. So, they face elimination and Isis goes home. I’m sad to see her go, mostly because of Camille’s comment. Well, that and I actually do like Isis. At least she goes out in dramatic Black Swan fashion. Alexandria and Allison are the best photos of their respective groups. And Dominique wins the Andre Leon Tally “I want this in my salon” Award for the week. Personally, that’s where I’d like to be… No not on the wall, but in the salon. You know it’s so fabulously cozy there…

Bottom Line: I’m starting to lose the love for Kayla. She’s lost all traces of her personality. Wonder what’s going on there. All I know is that she needs to work that out sooner than later or she’s not long for this show.

Why You’re Here

We take the best parts of some bad tv, break ‘em down over a few glasses of vino (funny flows better when wine flows freely) and share them with you so you don’t have to waste hours of your life watching on your own. You're welcome.

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