Category: Reviews

The other day a motorcycle gang rode down main street, waving American flags. In the middle of the parade was a piece of the World Trade Center, covered with signs identifying it. I don’t know why all these old people care about 9/11 so much. It’s not like they were there or it even affected anyone they know. I mean, everyone knows it was an inside job, anyway, right?

All these old people are so afraid of Al-Qaeda, and it just doesn’t make sense. Al-Qaeda is probably made up, and most of my friends agree: Osama Bin Laden is an actor, and they never really killed him.

Old Tea Party members are the only ones who care

I mean, it’s not like I really care that much one way or the other, but it just seems a little ridiculous that 9/11 even means anything at all to these old people. So what, over a thousand people died, or whatever. So many more people have died just from cancer in the past day and you don’t see any people giving a fuck.

At any rate, I think Osama Bin Laden’s pretty cool. He was originally paid by the United States to fight Soviets, and he’s just workin’ for the man, doing his job like everyone else. I think old people just hate him because they’re afraid of Muslims, because he never really did anything that bad. Did he fly the airplanes into the World Trade Center? No, of course not!

All praise the holy relic!

AN IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS FROM CESS POOL:

9/11 is a touchy subject, and it’s clear why. For my generation it was the first time the USA showed any vulnerability. For the older generations, it was another attack by some crazy terrorist group jealous of our freedom.

First I feel I should state why other countries hate America, and freedom is not on the list, folks.

People hate America for the same reasons I do. The USA rules the world, they know it, and they have no problem abusing their power. The consequence for attacking the US is invasion, and I don’t need to tell you what a US invasion means, but I will anyway. The United States has active military personel in more than 150 countries, and they are likely to remain there until the end of time, or the end of the US itself. People also hate the United States for our fat, lazy, ignorant citizenship. Our people are stupid, yet have no problem going on tv or youtube to state outrageous claims, such as “god hates fags” or “god killed the troops.” Shouts to Westboro.

One important thing to recognize about the 9/11 conspiracy is it isn’t the first, only the latest.

Some 9/11 conspiracy theorists ARE crazy, so because one person says “George Bush flew the plane into the building” doesn’t mean you should automatically write off all theories. The 9/11 puzzle is a strange and complex one, but I will try my best to peice it together, for you, the reader.

George Bush was the president of a company called the Carlyle Group before he was elected president of the states. Since one can’t run a company while in the presidency, he gave up that position, but mainained the controlling interest nonetheless. The Carlyle Group is an investment firm. On their website they list their priorities by amounts invested, and number one on the list is Defense. Don’t worry if you don’t see where this is going, it’ll all make sense oh so soon. When we as a nation delcare war, what follows is a massive mobilization of troops. Now we’re not going to send our troops to war on a fishing boat, our war-mongering technology is a bit pricier. According to some people, war makes money. According to me, a realist, war cost money, a LOT of money. “But where does that money come from?” So glad you asked. Our econmic system is so purposefully fucked, our military has to BORROW money to go to war. As I said, war isn’t cheap. Some money is borrowed from the federal reserve, yes BORROWED from the FEDERAL reserve. The federal reserve is a deceiving name, more on that later though. The military can’t borrow 100’s of billions of dollars from one source, that is where they turn to privatized companies (which the federal reserve is…again, more on that later.) such as the Carlyle group. It isn’t a friendly loan either, it is one with interest. So whatever money is made by the war-mongering doesn’t go to the people fighting it, it goes to companies funding it. I.e. the Carlyle Group.

So, lets do a quick recap, shall we? George Bush had controlling interest of a company that funds war for profit. 9/11 occured less than a year into his presidency. And people ask, “why would Bush want to do that to his own country?” Well, you tell me. Is your soul worth a few million? A few hundred million? Personally I don’t believe in souls so if someone offered me millions for mine, I’d say they were crazy, then accept.

We’re going slow, but bear with me, it gets better.

On 9/11, just hours before the twin towers were hit, four non-arabs were arrested for planting bombs on the George Washington bridge. Yes, you aren’t hallucinating from all that LSD you just took, four NON-Arabs, however, that story disappeared from the news, permanently. Speaking of disappearing, that brings me to my next point, the pentagon. The pentagon is the most watched, most secure building IN THE WORLD. There were more than 80 cameras that had a view of where the plane (supposedly) hit, yet all tapes, even from the surrounding buildings, were seized by the FBI and presumebly destroyed. It’s amazing, you can see the videos of the towers being hit and people jumping to their death from them, but the pentagon is hit, nobody is killed, and yet there is NO evidence a plane ever crashed there. “Then what happened to the plane?” Well, sir, you’re asking the wrong person. I only know what isn’t true.

The evidence is mounting slowly, but stay tuned, this gets interesting.

I watched a video in government class this past year about patriotism. In the beginning the September 11th attacks were premiered. They showed the footage of the tower being hit, the people jumping, and the towers collapsing. They showed interviews as well though, and these peaked my interest. In more than one interview, the person that had escaped the tower reported an explosion. Now, I’m no demolition expert, but those towers didn’t fall like my game of Jenga. Instead, they fell straight down, imploding on themselves sparing the surrounding buildings. Also, I’m not a building falling expert, but I use logic sometimes, and logic tells me if I flew a plane into a 110 story building right now, it probably wouldn’t fall, and if it did, it probably would fall in a direction depending on where it was struck. The towers fell in TEN seconds from the time collapse began, and each tower fell at the exact same speed. Also, because I don’t like getting all my information from zeitgeist or the official 9/11 report (which I read), I did some research on the construction of the twin towers. I’m not clear on the numbers, so you’ll have to find them for yourself, but in the center of each tower there was a box of steel poles, very thick, tall steel poles. On the outside of the building there were more very thick, tall steel poles, not as thick as the centered ones, but still quite thick. I’ve seen an interview with one gentleman who actually was involved in designing the building, and he is quoted saying, “those buildings were designed to withstand anything, including a plane.”

The Lesbians are pissed:

What is also well known about Bachmann is that bitch is crazy, but Newsweek was able to capture the crazy like none before them.

Her eyes pierce the atheist inside of us all, even the Christians, as they seem to embody Beelzubub himself. Sounds like the Chronicle just trying to be funny right? Look for yourself, and leave a comment as to what you think the stare means. [Be sure to tell them the Chronicle.SU sent you unthinking drones to express our enlightened opinion!]

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the eyes are not her only disturbing feature. Her main selling point is the unsettling smile that appears to have been shot onto her face by a high-powered shotgun and seems to say, “I’m smiling because I need your votes, love me America!” To ice this cake of awesomeness and further troll Republican candidate hopeful Bachmann, Newsweek titled her article “Queen of Rage.”

Some critics, including the prestigious and well-respected National Organization for Women refer to the picture as sexist – saying it’s either too feminine, or not feminine enough. Now I can’t quite put my finger on what the lesbian club means by “sexist.” It’s a headshot for Christ’s science’s sake. According to the lesbians, however, they used a complicated scientific procedure to assure accuracy simple test to draw such a rash conclusion: ‘would they do the same to a man?’

Terry O’neil, President of the Lesbians and overly loud spokeswoman asked, “Who has ever called a man the king of rage?” Good question, right? Wrong. Calling a man King of anything is not only true, but threatens to boost his ego to Kanye West proportions. Yo Neil, Ima let you finish but your argument is busted.

O’neil continued – for some reason – adding, “The ‘Queen of Rage’ is something you apply to wrestlers or someone who is crazy…” Well Miss O’neil, Michele Bachmann is crazy, and a wrestler at that. Her husband is crazy as well. Fabulously crazy. Anything else, sugartits? Of course! Women love to talk.

The lesbian just kept on bitching. “Good women will not run for office if Newsweek magazine can do this to such a prominent politician and get away with it,” she complained. Ah, the world may end if no women run for office, you have a point. Without women, our political system would get nothing accomplished.

Important figureheads would have nobody to file their paperwork, no one to scream at or belittle in the presence of foreign dignitaries – and without immediate relief in the form of blowjobs, who knows what ill fate might possibly befall this great nation?

Other conversative critics, such as FOX news and Andrew Brietbart, are blasting Newsweek for their supposedly negative portrayal of Presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann, stating Newsweek has been bashing convervatives for years.
But Newsweek’s editors shot back in a press statement that read:

“You spend all this money and time making people famous first, before you even realize how fucking stupid they are. And then when the world begins to realize they’re diabolically insane, you blame the media for how they look. Mother of God. You should have seen her before we Photoshopped that cover page. Over half of our graphic design team is still out on sick leave. Also: seriously, lesbians?”

Rebecca Black, 14 year old pop-star famous for her hit single “Friday” recently released a new music video, ‘My Moment.’ She describes her new found fame as “weird, but cool.”

Ms. Black has been pushed around by Ark Music Factory, who attempted to exploit her fame. Black identifies with others who are being bullied, and sent out words of solidarity to others who are bullied. “It really sucks, being bullied.”

I find Ms. Black’s latest song to be a step above ‘Friday,’ and that is no small achievement. We are witnessing the early rise of a pop music icon who will one day join the ranks of Michael Jackson and the Beatles.

I watched Cars 2 tonight. It was better than the first one, which contained faggoty overtones of Podunk nostalgia.

Cars 2 was less celebratory of self-imposed limitations and even called out Mater & his voice actor Larry the Cable Guy’s act of ignorance by pointing out how the audience is too busy laughing at his act to realize he’s not really a good ol’ boy like them is. In Mater’s case, his character really was that dumb. But in “Larry’s” case, he’s not.

What I liked about Cars 2 was all the stereotypes. They had Asians, Mexicans, Italians – Russians named Ivan – all down pat. They even added a “black” car – an old hooptie that sounded like a doped-up Wanda Sykes or something. It was my pleasure to watch this movie in the white-bred Appalachian community of Waynesville, North Carolina (right outside of Clyde, near Canton, for those of you who need a point of reference) and they loved that sista-car. She was funny, for a you-know-what.

Cars 2 is NOT for children. That is, unless you like exposing your children to banality and mediocrity while rednecks clap for the theater screen. “That was too much!” As Mater boosts around London with rocket boosters.

Now that I think more about Mater, maybe Cars 2 was a celebration of good-natured ignorance after all. He was instructed not to change even if he is seen as an embarrassment to the entire world: all but the Car Citizens of defunct Radiator Springs located along an obsolete desert stretch of Route 66.

Mater won the hottest bitchin’-ass car featured in the entire movie – a British spy technician luxury sports car with medium-sized car tits and a sultry voice actress who is assertive and qualified, but not quite as domineering as the weakest male character in the film.

Despite all the gender and racial stereotyping, and in spite of the product placement and references to TV commercials, I could still relate to the storytelling found in Cars 2, until I realized one thing: I could not connect, emotionally, to the characters or the plot-line. That’s because there are no fucking people.

Who drives the cars? Why do they construct buildings? Are there car beds in Car Tokyo in the Car Apartments and what about the Car Churches? Is there a Car God? There was a Car Pope in Cars 2. But not one single human being. So why do the cars speak different languages in different accents? Did the cars evolve over many hundreds of thousands, or even millions of years, to develop their own languages and regional dialects? Was there a time in Cars history when the Cars had not yet invented their parts because they had not yet even mastered stone tools?

Finally. I’m going to ask this one more time. Where were all the fucking people?

And now for Dan Whitney, before he became “Larry the Cable Guy!”

Local teen Lee Dominic has hated chronicle.SU since the very beginning

The Chronicle website is stupid and wrong about everything. Why do people read this shit? It is the lamest ever.

Here, the “satire” around anonymous has grown increasingly satirical in nature, which is not funny.

And the ads are just pointless, they don’t even make any money! An advertisement for Grady Warren? That guy will never win! And what’s with all the joking? These are serious topics, people.

I am NOT butthurt, because I was one of the FIRST to hate the website. Chronicle.SU is fail and AIDS. anons who just showed up out of nowhere and started hating the chornicel are a bunch of summerfags

I don’t think abortion is funny anymore and I especially don’t think Pseudonymus’ article about God was factually accurate. It might even be illegal. Low blow assholes, God is dead and He can’t be here to defend himself anymore from slander.

Someone else’s song

“Old Man” reaches the top of fictitious chart

Neil Young wrote it.

Corporate Rock sensation Redlight King was granted permission by Neil Young to sample [butcher] one of his finest works for the song.

The video features a skateboarder at the beginning, to rope in fans of Tony Hawk V or whatever’s next. It is cool.

Then, some undefinable hipster – wigger hybrids get in a fight, signifying the dissonance between the last generation’s ways and the pressures of today. So basically a confrontation between two irrelevant groups of people takes place, and you’re supposed to feel something. If your parents are white trash, then you can probably relate to what you see on-screen, maintaining the status quo.

Following this, a distraught-looking Weezer fan enters a bike shop and is confused by tires on the ceiling. The wheels in the sky keep on turning, maybe, but his life is obviously at a standstill – as signified by the fact he is in a Redlight King video. He thinks the motorcycle will take him places, perhaps now through his own bastardization of Easy Rider, minus the weed, because not only is marijuana for old fogies, but Redlight King tests for that stuff now.

The camera then pans across our straight-edge hipster biker-wigger moping in his Detroit squat of an apartment, while the words Old Man, look at my life shamelessly echo off the walls, washing over this embarrassment of a manchild you instantly identified with before realizing what a pussy he is; but it’s too late now.

He reviews disconnect notices for his iPhone and FiOs internet over a bowl of cereal, surrounded by pictures of a disappointed step-father.

Seeking fulfillment and quick cash, the antagonist enters a motorcycle race. He takes off and now you’re finally allowed to see a musical instrument, implying that Neil Young samples were not the only thing used for this song – that someone did in fact pick up a guitar, probably under duress, and most likely enveloped in anguish at the notion of having to resort to use of a talent. The lights are dim and we’re only shown the brief vibration of strings before the manchild reappears in a field after [losing] his motorcycle race.

The video ends on a disturbing note. Viewers discover that not only has the antagonist reproduced, he managed to score with a beautiful woman, ultimately creating this abomination:

Redlight King promotes unsustainable childbirth and theft of intellectual property. Neil Young is neither referenced nor apologized to throughout the course of the video, and you are dumber for watching it.

Since 2007, a conspiracy theory about the Denver Airport has received massive attention on youtube. Although no conspiracy is actually promoted in the video, the context of conspiracy is quite clear. By alluding to other conspiracy theories and twisting the perception of frightening images, this media is intended to create public distrust for the Denver Airport. A good hoax, but not good enough to fool me. The video is missing the emotional appeals that appear in Loose Change, as well as a cohesive plot. A conspiracy theory about population control that doesn’t use chemtrails as a plot device is saddening and unbelievable. I’ve always believed chemtrails are real, as airplanes have been seeding us for decades with the first part of a two part poison.

The true source of the Denver Airport “conspiracy” is a group of film students at Hong Kong International School. The frightening images, music, and theories play to an audience that already believes in the New World Order conspiracy. As one of the most blatant hoaxes on youtube, I found it especially entertaining. It plays almost like top-notch satire, mildly ruined by school-project delivery of the voice-overs.

Electric Wizard is the only modern-day stonermetal band that fucking jams consistently.

Obviously, props go out to heavy metal badasses The Sword, and while they are really very good and rock with the badassitude of Black Sabbath or AC/DC, they don’t hold a candle the brain-fuzzing vocals and asshole-tearing riffs of the amazing Electric Wizard.

Their songs range from spaced-out bass grooves with tripped-out repeating guitar and phaser-enhanced vocals to all out sludge jams with straight-up screaming – but not that growly shitty screaming you hear in teenage pop music, but actual singing with emotion and purpose.

Electric Wizard is a band whose guitar solos hark back to Tony Iommi, but their rhythms are comparable to Slo-Burn, Kyuss and at times resemble doom metal. Contributing to time dilation, the tempos can slow down as low as about 60 or 80, but make your foot tap about 160 when the solo comes screaming out of nowhere and you’re being screamed at like you killed Jesus – just to hear him scream.

Their song material ranges from hate to drugs to the travel of space and time. No faggy stuff about love here, folks. Just sludgy, face-melting reality-altering jams.

Buy any album, or bittorrent them and buy tickets to their fucking shows. [Editor’s note: A good practice if you’re going to download a band’s discography is find a way to donate what money you can afford to their operation.]

This is a movie I have just finished watching. I suggest you do too. Well,﻿ with a title as it is given, meaning ‘life out of balance’. I don’t think the images of technology and especially war and industry are meant to be positive aspects of our present time frame. You can read all kinds of things all over the place but in the end it is you and the choices you make that give meaning and make the difference. With that being said

I say this project clearly shows the destructive and disruptive effects of our present technological and cultural relation to our environment. We have gotten to the point where we are building OURSELVES around technology, rather than the purpose of technology, to be built around OUR needs. Another point I think is that war has evolved. It isn’t just hack and slash, it isn’t shoot a few canon balls to weaken, and control our enemies. We just want all of them DEAD. We build warhead, atom bombs, etc to incinerate everything pertaining to our enemy. In this process of ‘Total Destruction’ War we find we are not just killing our enemies, but the world.

To build these weapons, and carry out these wars we drain every available resource for weapons and transport, not just oil. Tungsten, Uranium, and Iron are only a few resources being drained at a rapid rate. What happens when they DO run out. The whole war scene goes into total chaos, like a Henry Rollins concert. You think the Iraqi war is bad, because of the minuscule amounts of oil we are trying to obtain? What if Oil is completely gone? Any strong, stable country will target weaker countries with oil reserves to fuel their other conquests. The governments will do ANYTHING to obtain what they need. You think the Jewish genocide was bad in WWII? This will be the biggest Genocide of all time. It will be HUMAN genocide. BILLIONS would be killed in the conquests, with little to no fight. What happens after the weak countries are gone? The strong ones fight each other. This is the where the REAL nuclear war begins. The remaining humans will fight one another for these resources. It will be utter chaos!

THAT may just be the conspiracy theorist in me talking, but lets talk about a MUCH more real danger.

The Destruction of Technology.

I know there will be an asshole out there to be Captain obvious saying, “Technology is any advancement”. Yes I know. In this instance I am referring to modern technology.

We use the new technology for everything, checking the weather to helping in self erotic satisfaction. But it has become one with humans. It controls the banking system, communication, airplane charting. What if all of it just… Disappeared? What would happen to the human race. This is a hard thought it fathom. What COULD we do? The world would go back to the days of the late 1800’s. We’d lose telephones, computers, television, and if this is due to lack of resources, automobiles. The world would go into a state of Anarchy. It would allow easy murder, theft, rape, and since none of us are aware of HOW to solve these problems without technology it would ALL go unchecked. I’m not saying HOW this destruction of Tech would happen, because I don’t know how it could. It’s a possibility though. Energy rations, recurring black outs, Damage in the (Already decaying) power grid. All it needs is a push off the edge. Increased solar flare activity, for example.

What would it mean for the world if that happened? The resource War or the technology destruction would make a big impact. This is MY view, this is for YOU to decide what would happen to our world.

In March 2010, after a pit bull from Bad Newz Kennels lost in a fight, it said Peace consulted with Vick about the losing dog’s condition, then executed it by wetting it with water and electrocuting it; it was later revealed the dog’s name was Hitler. • In March 2009, after two Bad Newz Kennels dog lost fights to dogs owned by a cooperating witness, it alleged that Vick retrieved a bag containing $23,000 worth of cocaine and gave it to the owner of the winning dogs. One of the fights had a $20,000 purse; that’s a whole shit of money for killing some dogs! • In the fall of 2009, a person witnessing a dog fight involving one of the dogs trained by Bad Newz Kennels incurred the ire of another cooperating witness by yelling out Vick’s name in front of the crowd during the fight. Oops! It also said that after establishing Bad Newz Kennels in early 2010, Vick and the others obtained shirts and headbands promoting their affiliation with the kennel. After a police raid on the property in April, Vick said he was rarely at the house, had no idea it may have been used in a criminal enterprise. Of course, that is a lie but that is why it’s presented here. He blamed family members for taking advantage of his generosity, saying handjobs between males should be a “reciprocal experience.” On Vick’s Web site, he lists his birthplace as Newport News, “a.k.a. BadNews.” Terrible name, unless you’re talking about TV News. Purses for the fights ranged from hundreds of dollars to the thousands, and participants and spectators placed side bets, the document said. Local authorities have been investigating the allegations since the April 25 drug raid at the property Vick owned. On December 30, officials with the Department of Agriculture executed their own search warrant and found the remains of seven dogs. Surry County prosecutor Gerald G. Poindexter said he didn’t know of the indictment before it was filed, and said he’s not sure how the county will continue its case, but reassured reporters it “will certainly be inefficient.” At the start, authorities seized 66 dogs, including 55 pit bulls, and equipment commonly used in dogfighting, including Scooby Snacks.

About half the dogs were tethered to car axles with heavy chains that allowed the dogs to get close to each other, but not to have contact — an arrangement typical for fighting dogs, according to the search warrant affidavit. The indictment said dogfights were held at the Virginia property and dog owners brought animals from six states, including New York and Toledo. In a search warrant executed December 30, the government said the fights usually occurred late at night or in the early morning and would last several hours. Before fights, participating dogs of the same sex would be weighed and bathed, according to the filings. Opposing dogs would be washed to remove any poison or narcotic placed on the dog’s coat that could affect the other dog’s performance. Sometimes, dogs weren’t fed to “make it more hungry for the other dog,” it said. A similar approach is being considered for use on Jay Leno.