Probably the only blog that involves monkeys, garden gnomes and your mom.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Vesuvius Times: Special Edition

Chicago, Ill

The Chicago Bears defeated the Seattle Seahawks 27-35 and won their first playoff game since 1995 when the Bears beat the Minnesota Vikings 35-18. Many have sighted the improved play of Quarterback Rex Grossman as the reason for the win. "It felt great to have a game like this." Grossman threw for 282 yards with one touchdown and one interception. "I'm the reason for the interception." Stated Muhsin Muhammad (WR) "The ball hit my pads and I'm the reason for that mistake."

What was not reveled during the post game interview was the technique used to improve Grossman's play. "I mean that guy helped out a lot, I would have never been able to play that well without him." The man Grossman is talking about does not have any NFL experience or did not play any college football. He actually is a imitation TupperWare sales man. "He came to my door and tired to sell me some storage containers and he noticed my football memorabilia and we just started talking." Coach Lovie Smith's chance encounter may have saved his teams Super Bowl chances. "All I can say is Thanks Uncle Rico.""Hey, I knew what was wrong and came in an showed this kid Rex what he was doing wrong." Uncle Rico Dynamite of Preston, Id spent the entire week improving technique, accuracy and distance. Hell one day we were eating steak and told me about a time he hit his nephew in the face with a steak 50 yards away while he was riding a bike. Dude in the face!" Whatever these secret are it was definitely what Grossman needed. "One of the things I can tell you about was the tapes we watched." Grossman recalls "At first I was thinking what was Lovie smoking? This guy sucks, but I kept watching and the next thing you know I'm throwing a ball over some mountains."

We attempted look into Uncle Rico's past playing experience but were not able to find any instance when he played. "You see my skills were so good that no one could it. I was way ahead of my time." Even back when he was in high school he felt he was slighted. "You see we were in the state playoffs and we were loosing by 50. All the coach had to do was put me in and I'd win the game. I bet he's wish I played now."

With Grossman's new and improved passing abilities Lovie Smith and the Bears are looking to secure Uncle Rico as a commodity of the Bears. "I've heard that Pittsburgh is looking to bring him in for Roethlisberger, but we are going to give him a staff position." Uncle Rico is even trying to get jobs for his family members to secure his services. "My nephew Kip tells me he is training to be a cage fighter so he might be able to help that Urlacher kid with his tackling and my nephew Napoleon, well, we might let him help with the dance team or draw a new logo for the Bears."