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Whether you have a boyish girl, a girlish boy, or a kid who sticks strictly to the gender script, you may wonder if your toddler's behavior now is any indication of what it'll be in adulthood. The answer: Probably not. In these first years of life, your 21-month-old doesn't know (or care) what boys do (or wear or say) and what girls do. She just does what she enjoys! It's not until she's about three years old that she'll start to notice that girls wear skirts and boys don't, or that boys often love trucks and tools while girls prefer tiaras and tea parties. While some broad behavioral differences are biologically based (boys tend to be more aggressive, while girls are more social, for example), there are exceptions to every rule.

So for now, if your girl prefers boy playmates, dons jeans and sneakers every day, digs digging in the dirt, and uses her doll as a hammer, don't sweat it. Celebrate her interests — you're helping her learn from an early age that she need not be limited by her gender.

It may be harder to adopt the same attitude when it's your son flipping tradition on its head by caring for dolls or decking himself out in dresses and jewels. But it's just as important to accept a boy's preferences and personality. Praise him for nurturing his "babies," just like his own daddy cares for him. Avoid pressuring him to be an athlete if that's just not his cup of Gatorade. Encourage him to be active and move his body to keep it healthy, but remember that not every boy will be a sports superstar.

Now, if yours is a child who emerged from the womb the girliest of girls or the most boisterous of boys, be sure to provide nongendered toys (such as art materials, puzzles, board games, riding toys, and blocks) for balance. Read books about kids and adults in nontraditional roles, and remind your child that girls can pound nails, too, and boys can cook and do laundry. Keep your message subtle and someday that little pirate or princess may surprise you with a much wider outlook on life.