Writing, Knitting, Crocheting, My Family, all things I love…

Twisted around myself Tuesday…

So, I’m not totally sure how I feel about today. On the one hand, I don’t feel too bad because I had an interesting talk with my mom about parenting, and I also have decided to stick with Weight Watchers after today’s meeting, and what she talked about—that sometimes we all have off days or weeks (or, in my case, months). On the other hand, there’s the reason my mom and I had the talk, and just how I feel about my parenting and comparing it to other people’s parenting (namely the mother of the girls in the trailer park that my daughter has had as playmates the most).

I feel like a hypocrite when I think of her and her parenting style sometimes. I KNOW I’m a better mother than her—I would now definitely say that to her face, though we had a confrontation once just after P was born, and when she accused me of implying that with what I was saying, I backed off. I really would say that about myself….well, even then, but even more so now. I felt bad enough for her daughters, but now I also feel really bad for their son, their third kid together (he has one with his first wife, though you hardly ever see her around here anymore). Her yelling can get pretty bad. Though with my daughter as of late, just before bed has included a lot of yelling too. I look back to how I was at her age—I don’t think I was much different. And in some ways my mom had to be just as hard—and was probably harder, because I feel like I can be a pushover a lot—as T and I are being. But I turned out pretty good.

Otherwise, I feel pretty good physically at the moment. Maybe part of the problem has been my eating habits. Which have gone steadily downhill since the holidays. 😐 Probably a big part of it is that. I still don’t like this place in so many ways right now. I want out of here so bad, but I feel like we’re going to be stuck here for a very long time. I’m starting to do some research into first time home buyers assistance, but so far what I found doesn’t look incredibly promising. Sure, there’s assistance out there, but I don’t think we are going to be qualified enough for any of it. I’ll look when I’ve had some sleep again.