Monday, March 1, 2010

I know love is a bit of a gambling game, but I often have to question why a certain person comes into my life; if only to leave a few days, weeks, months or years later. Why did someone pursue me one minute and then drop me like I had the bubonic plague? It doesn't matter if it was a couple weeks or a couple months, why did this person come into my life and then magically disappear? Did I do or say something that turned them off? Or are they having their own problems that they need to deal with?

I believe a person enters into our lives for many reasons, but we should take a step back and look at the situation to learn what went wrong, or what was said, or what could have been done differently. A little self-reflection helps process the situation and helps us learn more about our expectations and our behaviors for future interactions in dating.

For example, I met Bogart, who was going through a painful divorce, which included a custody battle. I knew he wasn't emotionally available, but I was willing to be there as his light at the end of tunnel. However, after a few dates passed, I realized that I wanted more from a guy that I was dating. He wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship and I don't blame him at all. He was honest with me and I was honest with him. It was just wrong timing. For him, maybe I was his rebound chick, and for me, he helped me realize what I ultimately want from a man; more than just a physical commitment, but someone who can give me everything.

It's important when any relationship comes to an end, to be able to look back and reflect about the relationship. Ask yourself, what would you have done differently?

Author Alvin C. Romer has "mixed emotions about people that have come and gone. There were those who left because the level of intimacy was based on unbalanced time-sharing and other reasons for not maintaining something that could stick and stay. What bothers me more is when their mannerisms change, they become incognito, and make themselves scarce once they feel that things are not conducive to their train of thought as opposed to seeing how the friendship can be saved for the long term."

"I’ve always felt that when you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. You will not be caught unaware because you are alert, aligned and less arrogant."

Alvin Romer adds, "When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, or fade into anonymity. Sometimes circumstances dictate that they go in another direction leaving you to wonder; sometimes they walk away, uncaring and unwilling. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand, hoping that enmity hasn’t reared its ugly head. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Reasons can go against you…but when it does, all you can do is assess it for what it’s worth, monitor subsequent correspondences, make your decision and now it is time to move on."

Lauren K. says, "Have you ever broken up with someone, went on a date, and had this epiphany that the decision you made to end it with that guy or girl was the wrong choice? Your innocent date got caught in the crossfire, but he or she was the catalyst to make you realize what you were possibly giving up. Don't ignore these signs."

Alvin Romer continues, "Some people come into your life for a SEASON. They may only be there for a short period of time based on premeditated agendas; they may have motives that are not condoned by you, or because your turn has come to share with them in growing or learning new initiatives for the future. If all things are good, they may bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may introduce you to new routines and techniques that you have never experienced. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season -- they move on. Seasonal tidings with this situation usually deal with those that are going through changes, can’t cope with certain situations that cause them to step outside of comfort zones, or are unwilling to take chances."
"LIFETIME relationships are harder to recognize for the moment, but with time can be the best choice you can make. But how many people do you know are willing to persevere for the long haul? Find one and I guarantee you will have him or her as someone trustworthy. Life timers teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. They accept you for what you are, do not prematurely judge you, do not have any inhibitions about taking chances for the betterment of the relationship, and surely feel that compatibility is something that is assessed as you go, not at the spur of the moment. They don't adhere to conditions and will be there during the zero hour. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

In summary, I think it is an important spiritual and emotional process to reflect on the people you date casually or get involved with in a relationship. My great-grandma used to say, "You learn something everyday, yet we die a dummy." Love Kudos' hope is, that with continued patience you will be on your way to find that special certain someone to last a lifetime with. Looking into your past and present will help form your future. We would love to work with you and go over your relationships!