Exchanging What You Can't Keep for Something You Can't Lose

Updated on October 11, 2011

Jim Elliot studied to teach and witness to the savage Auca tribe in Ecuador and he and four others were killed in the attempt. His wife and children carried on the work and invested themselves in the people responsible for Jim's death.

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a
stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened
her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman
to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good
fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few
days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

I've been thinking, he said, I know how valuable the stone is,
but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me
what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone. ~ Author Unknown

In a study conducted by Harbaugh, Mayr, and Burghart in 2007, neural
activity was recorded while participants decided how to split a hundred
dollars between themselves and a local food bank. Whenever they all
agreed to give the entire amount to the food bank, an extraordinary
thing happened. There was activation in the ventral striatum region of
the brain that was identical to the stimuli associated with cocaine or
art or attractive faces.

Some things we give almost without thinking. Some gifts cost us nothing. And then there are times when we really ponder what would be the perfect choice. There are times when we lovingly create something with our own hands or times when we save up for a long time before we can afford to buy what we know someone will like.

When the gift is a part of ourselves, our livelihood or a significant portion of our time, the gesture becomes something extraordinary. Not only is the gift treasured by the one to whom we give it, but often, the more it cost us, the deeper the gratification and happiness we feel as well.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you
should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able
to give. ~
Eleanor Roosevelt

The grandmother of one of my friend's boys told him she was sending him $500 so that he could buy a game machine or something equally extravagant. Understandably he was excited. He said: "Hey, that is great! I read online about an operation that can fix a child's cleft palate and give them a real smile, I'd like to use the money for that." His mother was proud of her son, but she knew the grandmother wanted him to get something for himself. She looked up the article and told her son: "The procedure only costs $250 so you can still get something for you." He replied: "That's great, that means I can pay for two smiles!"

What causes this awesome boost to character and personal happiness when we practice extraordinary acts of kindness and generosity that cost us more than just a little time or money?

The last article I wrote was a sort of prequel to this one. The title was "I Try to Give Love Away But it Keeps Coming Back." Loving someone who might not deserve it or being kind when you would rather lash out is not only the beginning of a transformation in someone's life but often a transformation of your own life as well.

What happens then if you take that feeling of love and translate it into an action or gift? We all are used to having greeting cards, candy, casual gifts or flowers become the common currency of relationships for the special events in our lives and even though we appreciate it, both giver and receiver are not deeply moved, because it did not take very much to do it.

David, the boy who fought the giant Goliath, after he was king, asked a man what he wanted for land to build a place to offer up thanks to God for the return of the Ark of the Covenant. The land owner, in awe of being asked for something by a king, said he would give it to him. I really like the next thing David said to him and I have thought about it a lot. In fact, that thread of thought is probably why I decided to write this article.

How would you have answered the man? Most people would say "Yay, I don't have to spend my money! Here's a receipt for your tax-deductible donation." I have to be honest with you, a few years ago, I might have said the same thing. But this is what David said, my translation: No, I insist on buying it for the
full price. I will not take what is yours and give it as if it were coming from me. I
will not give to God a gift that costs me nothing.

This statement demonstrates two outstanding facets of his character. First, he wouldn't take credit for someone else's work or generosity and secondly, he wouldn't give a gift unless it cost him something.

You all know people who take credit for someone else's hard work--politicians who give a brilliant speech they didn't write, the person in the office that never buys the card or gift, but signs the card as if they did and the supervisor who takes the subordinate's ideas and passes them off to the boss as their own.

Then there are people who always give credit to someone for their contribution, never pass another's work or gift as their own and always seem to be able to help you when you need it.

The point is, the worth of my gift is directly related to how much of myself I invest in it and how much it cost me to give it.

One of the most beloved and poignant stories of this kind of giving is The Gift of the Magi,
by O. Henry. Della and Jim love each other very much, but live in a
modest flat with very little money. As Christmas approaches, each of
them wants to buy something meaningful for the other and they settle on
complementing each's single prize possession--Della's luxuriant long
hair and Jim's inherited gold pocket watch. Since they are poor, Jim has
to sell his watch to buy the expensive silver and jeweled combs he
knows will match her marvelous hair while Della arranges to sell her
hair to buy a platinum chain which she thought would be worthy of him
and his watch..

When Della reached home her intoxication gave way a little to prudence
and reason. She got out her curling irons and lighted the gas and went
to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love. Which is
always a tremendous task, dear friends--a mammoth task.

O.
Henry was in a little cafe in New York in 1910 listening to Christmas
carolers and was inspired to write this little story that has become
perhaps his most famous work. The reason we are so moved by it is the
incredible sacrifice that each of the lovers made for each other. Even
though the use of the gifts would not be realized, the purpose of the
gifts could not have been achieved more perfectly. Each of them gave up
something that would not last for something they could not lose--the
realization that they were loved completely by the other who gave up
everything for them.

Surveys find out some very interesting things about giving in America.

Those making over a million per year (7% of population) account for half of all giving with the top 10% giving the most.

The poorest of our society, those making $20,000 or less, give considerably more of their income to charity than any other segment--about 4.5%.

Those with middle or upper middle incomes, who give about 3.1%, consistently say they can't afford to give any more than they do.

Two families bringing in less than $14,000, one on welfare and the other working--On average, the working family tends to donate more than three times as much to charity each year as the welfare family does.

This indicates to me that when giving cost you something it produces more happiness and you are motivated to give more.

I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. ~ C. S. Lewis

You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give. ~ Unknown

The Dead Sea is the dead sea, because it continually receives and never gives. ~ Unknown

It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. ~ Mother Teresa

The man who will use his skill and constructive imagination to see how
much he can give for a dollar, instead of how little he can give for a
dollar, is bound to succeed. ~ Henry Ford

To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own. ~ Abraham Lincoln

IF YOU WITNESSED OR KNOW OF AN EXTRAORDINARY GIFT, FEEL FREE TO SHARE IT HERE. WINSOME

More by this Author

Imagine a hero, a tall, handsome, charismatic, dashing figure of a man with a perfect smile, a twinkle in his eyes and charm to spare. Now imagine a slimey-skinned, no-tail creature with protruding eyes, a long sticky...

Ok, the wet shirt scene made women swoon, but that's not the only reason. What makes this man the heartthrob of millions of women and the grudging hero of the many men whose significant other made them watch or read it?...

What is it about an attractive or intriguing woman that turns an ordinary man into a creative whirlwind? What magical process enables him to invent, to sculpt, to paint, to write or to compose a masterpiece out of thin...

Comments 52 comments

This was very inspirational and a wonderful concept to keep in mind no matter what time of year it is.

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hii Winsome! What a winning hub:). I love the message and the truth in it. So cool to hear about the little boy who wanted to give his money away for 2 smiles:) awesome! I always have that saying stuck in my head, "it is better to give than to receive.". My parents hammered that one in:) lol

Voted up and all that!

i scribble 5 years ago

Wonderful hub. I love, love, love your true story about the little boy who chose to give his $500 to such a worthy children's charity. I hope his grandmother was as proud of him as his mom, as you were, and I would have been. I often want to give charitable gifts for Christmas in honor of friends and relatives who really don't need anything, but I'm conflicted because I fear they won't appreciate it. Do you have any thoughts on this? I do appreciate charitable donations as my gift, though I rarely receive them.

Green Lotus 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

What a lovely and inspiring hub Winsome. You always say it so well. Coincidentally I came across "The Gift of the Magi" this week - one of my favorite O.Henry short stories!

I did some research months ago for a similarly themed hub and learned that scientists say generosity comes from our chemical make-up. Perhaps that true, but I think it also works in reverse. The more you give without expectation the more those "feel good" chemicals kick in. Cheers!

maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

What a wonderful hub Winsome, made all the more wonderful by being true. I love being in the company of givers there is always a joy and happiness there. Thank you for giving us this hub and giving the happiness that came from reading it :)

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I relate to the importance in a gift from your own talent, hands and heart. One of the most disappointing moments I can recall is when I gifted a co-worker with a large oil painting on canvas of her beloved puppy. I was very happy during the weeks spent painting the picture and although I tend to be very critical of my own work, I liked the painting. I took it to work with me the day I was going to surprise my co-worker. She seemed underwhelmed. I didn't think much about it, just noted it. Later, I found out she had placed it in her daughter's room and when her child left for college, she threw it in the basement. The painting was ruined by a flood. Considering the fact that I noticed her blase attitude (she is known for her abrasive personality) and the little care she gave my art, I was very hurt. Nonetheless, I chose to gift her so I don't dwell on the experience, but your piece brought it to mind. Great topic, winsome, well-written with an abundance of truth.

Jlava73 5 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

Awesome piece! I really think it is just what I needed to hear at this moment in time.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi ZZ, good to see you. As you have probably noticed, I write mostly about what I want to improve in myself. You are right, this type of thinking isn't limited to a season, it's more of a lifestyle. Rather than live dangerously, I want to learn how to "give dangerously." =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi RH, you are sweet and I really appreciate your comment. Taking the time to visit and write a thoughtful word is a gift I treasure. As I write this I see a number of comments below yours I will be replying to and I am overwhelmed by the generosity of spirit that I observe in you and Ron and Hillary and Maggs and IScribble and others.

There is a power in the human heart that can overcome every ill that faces this planet and I delight in partnering with you all in unleashing that awesome power in all of us. =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hello IS, thank you for that generous comment. I also loved the spirit in that little boy and especially because he wasn't giving to a charity, in his mind he was giving each of those children a smile.

In answer to your question, I think that we, like the boy, should focus on the need of the recipient. So many times we give on the basis of what we would like when the one we give to may be needing or wanting something else. One of the most meaningful things we can do is to listen to and really understand others so that the gifts we give are truly appreciated. I sometimes think that is the most important part of the gift.

If you knew, for example that one of them had a passion for rescuing animals and supported a local organization, asking them if they would rather have a donation in their name to that specific one would be more meaningful.

If some of your recipients are children, giving them money to buy food and then taking them to a local food bank to donate it in person could be life changing rather than you simply telling them you made a donation in their name.

The important thing is you are asking the right questions and you want to give. =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Hillary, I agree with you about the chemicals. I have a hunch that those adults tested had a history of generosity as children that produced the chemicals that showed up in the test.

When we exercise we release endorphins that give us feelings of happiness and well being--the studies I cited demonstrated that we produce something similar when we "give dangerously."

Better than random acts of kindness is the deliberate, joyous sacrifice to create an exceptional event of giving in someone's life. For example, using your extraordinary abilities in production to craft a quality documentary of someone you love as a gift would blow them away. (Knowing you, you probably have already done that.)

Thank you again for your friendship and kind words. =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Maggs it is so good to see you and again I'm encouraged by your words.

"I love being in the company of givers there is always a joy and happiness there." How true your words are.

My goal in writing the article is to plumb the depths of giving more joyously. As you know, I was born in Texas and experienced a unique brand of friendliness and selfless giving that is hard to match elsewhere. If I may indulge in a little fun--I'm just "Keep in' the Heart of Texas."

Thank you again for the visit and lovely comment. =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Amy, good to see you. You are absolutely right in knowing that you poured yourself into the gift and that makes it extravagant. God poured Himself into a gift to us and we nailed it to a cross, but that doesn't make the gift any less loving or awesome. I think that how others receive our gifts is none of our business, our responsibility is to be as loving and as giving as we can be.

As I mentioned to IScribble above, sometimes getting a sense of where the recipient is coming from helps us to know whether our gift is what they really want or need.

I love that you painted her favorite puppy Amy--keep being yourself, you are extraordinary. =:)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Welcome J73, that makes me happy to hear that. The more I discover about the benefits of having a joyous giving heart, the more I wonder why everyone doesn't scramble to get there. =:)

vocalcoach 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

This is my favorite hub on the internet! A beautiful and inspiring message. I will forward this hub to my family and friends. I am in the process of writing a hub about my favorite hubs. This one will be included, so look for it in the near future. God bless you for such an inspiring article. Everyone should read it. Thank you. Voted up and across. vocalcoach

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Wow VC,what a nice thing to say. People who "give dangerously" are my favorite ones to be around. Generosity of spirit not only produces happiness within them, but they have the power to flood their surroundings with their contagious, sharing personality.

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing the article--I am happy you found it inspirational. =:)

Phoebe Pike 5 years ago

Beautiful as always. I loved the story at the beginning as an opening to your hub.It's amazing how incredible it is to give. I love being able to do that for other people and I am glad you wrote a hub about it. ^_^

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Phoebe, good to see you and thank you--I could have guessed you would be a giver. There's a lot of hype about attracting things to you, but I think there is more to gain from investing in others. It's the only thing I know where subtraction gives you multiplication. =:)

Phoebe Pike 5 years ago

I have actually written a hub recently about giving by simply existing, it's just a topic that should be explored more often than many believe.

Recently I have actually done something I have always wanted to do. I had a little over 3,000 saved up, which I intended to use to update my library, get a laptop so I could write more often and use it for other reasons. Until my friend, let's call him Paul, lost his job. He has three children and his wife has been very ill and unable to work. Faced with medical bills and no money for rent or groceries, I knew what to do with the money. I bought a box of grocies and put the money in an envelope and left it at his step. I knocked and then hid behind a tree because he would never accept it otherwise. Now he's sure it was an act of God. :)

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

And so it was. Thank you for a perfect example of exchanging something that would have given you temporary benefit for an enlargement of soul that will last forever.

I knew you had that kind of heart. =:)

Phoebe Pike 5 years ago

Sometimes it gets me in trouble though. Lolz. Like with my writing. I think I let my heart control me a little too much, but it's definitely made my life a lot more interesting.

I've actually written a new hub that is basically a story without a filter. Instead of editing out some of my side comments, I left them in. If you want to check it is called, "Unbelievabe, Incredible". It was a story based on one word, "Destiny". My muse, Valeriu, asked me to write it.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Thanks Phoebe, I'll check it out. =: )

LuxmiH 5 years ago from Fort Pierce, Florida

Truly inspirational. Voted up and awesome.

I honestly believe that one of the things that can turn our country and our economy around is uniting as a people and helping one another out during hard times. This Hub confirms my belief.

I love the way you write, it rings true for me.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Luxmi, Thank you for the kind words, I agree that next to confidence, a spirit of generosity is what is needed to turn us around. Confidence that ignores the negative press will turn us around financially, but a spirit of generosity and gratitude will turn us in the right direction.

Frank Capra made some wonderful movies about the strength of our character that surfaced in the Great Depression. It's a Wonderful Life demonstrated how generosity and working together transformed George from a seeming failure to one of the most "successful" in his community. =:)

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

The next time I give someone a gift, I'm going to stop and think...a lot! :)

LuxmiH 5 years ago from Fort Pierce, Florida

Hi Winsome, "next to confidence, a spirit of generosity is what is needed to turn us around. Confidence that ignores the negative press... a spirit of generosity and gratitude will turn us in the right direction." Wow!

I wholeheartdly agree with you. "Pay it forward" is another favorite movie that shows how we can each make a huge difference in someone's life that will have a positive ripple effect.

I agree that we have to first appreciate one another, come together as Americans, offer our strengths and thrive.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hello my favorite feline, your support and thoughtful comments have always been a gift to me. May you have joy in all nine of your lives. =: )

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Luxmi I appreciate the sentiment and how true even though I was referring to the kitty cat feline prophet. =:)

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Very interesting and thought provoking. Thank you for this well written hub bringing us back to the real value.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hello my friend, Hello--I'm glad this got your little grey cells working. If we all thought more about helping others more than we do ourselves, this world would hum right along. Thank you for the kind comment and for your friendship. =:)

ImYoungAtHeart 5 years ago from midwest US

Another reason why your hubs are some of my most favorite to read... They are so thought provoking and challenge us to reach inside ourselves and grow as human beings. This one reminded me of all the sacrifices my grandmother made to raise siblings and I and how many parents sacrifice careers to stay home with their children without a second thought. Love makes the sacrifices seem so insignificant...

Love your hubs!!

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

You are sweet to say so...and you are right about love making it all seem less of a sacrifice. The famous quote from a young boy carrying another one: "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." and Abraham's grandson's attitude about being indentured to win the hand of the beautiful Rachel: "So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."..and the famous John 3:16--"God so Loved, that He gave..."

There is nothing more rewarding than a gift springing from love and there is nothing less rewarding than a gift without it.

"If I give up all I have and sacrifice my body to be burned and have not love, it profits me nothing."

Thank you for the wonderful comment about my hubs...I'm thrilled you appreciate them. =:)

Doctor Kristy 5 years ago from Australia

What a great hub.

It reminds me of a little girl who decided that instead of presents for her ninth birthday, she wanted her friends and family to give money to a charity that provided fresh water to developing nations.

The story spread across the internet, resulting in over 1.2 million dollars being donated.

It's such a sad story, but makes me feel so... hopeful?

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Kristy, so good to see you. Thank you for the example, it was perfect. When giving costs us something there is no telling what effect it can have on you and the world. =:)

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

This is a wonderful hub. I enjoy giving and the joy it gives me is reflected in the faces of those I give to. I give to a homeless man regularly and have even helped him find a part-time job. I have helped him find a tent to live in and he has it on a piece of land owned by the man he works for. He does not have to worry about where he is going to lay his head. We are working on building him a little house on that piece of land with his boss's blessings. He needed someone to keep an eye on it since there were people partying on it. Soon he will have a very tiny house made with logs and love. We got him a mattress to put in the loft of it. He will be so surprised when we get to that point.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

What a wonderful gift Becky! Helping someone is great, but moving them to a place where they can help themselves and others is the ultimate.

Thanks so much for a real-life example of exchanging what you can't keep for something you will never lose. =:)

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Most of them would really prefer to help themselves but with the job situation around here (TN) there is a lack.

I prefer to help them get out of their bad situation. It gives them back their pride and confidence in humans.

Justsilvie 5 years ago

It is a joy to read your Hubs! Your kind heart comes through in every one. Someone once told me giving is self-centered we do it because it makes us feel good. I had to agree to an extent, giving and helping other to help themselves can make us feel very good and if that is a sign of being self-centered than I hope I am guilty.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Silvie, what a nice compliment. Thank you.

Yes, giving makes us feel good and it sure beats a lot of the other methods we use that wear off quickly. I'm trying to make the things I do for others last longer than a meal or flowers. It's a challenge, but worth it. =:)

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

What a beautiful story. I shall definitely be using it with the children that I teach. Thank you so much, this was inspirational.

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi AC, thank you--the collection of stories just seemed to follow naturally each other to tell the simple truth that the best way to possess something is to give it to someone else. I'm happy you can use it with your kids--usually they teach us this lesson. =:)

Hey CJ, what a wonderful comment. You are gracious and giving in your praise and it is an investment I will treasure.

Giving is the only transaction where investing in another's account builds dividends in your own.

Blessings... =:)

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

That verse by David is one I'm often reminded of when I need to put the things I think I'm doing in their proper perspective.

My daughter has had a rough couple of years. She recently had the opportunity to graduate first in a training class at work. Doing one extra project would have cinched it for her. But the woman in second place was trying to get into law school and the accomplishment would have meant more for her. So my daughter didn't do the extra project and let her have first place. I think that is an example of what you are writing about in this hub.

Winsome 4 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi KC, me too. Your daughter graduated magna cum spectacular from that training class. Yes that is exactly what it is about. She gave up something she could not keep forever for something that will always be hers. If she keeps graduating like that she will always be at the head of her class. Thank you for the great story and for the wonderful comment. =:)

Lisas-thoughts101 4 years ago from Northeast Texas

Winsome,

What a lovely hub. My daughter started having her daughter save change and part of her gift money when she was 3 to purchase toys for an orphanage. Now that my granddaughter is 6 she gets it more. They also go together on a coat drive every year. I am very proud of both of them.

What a beautiful story about the boy and the surgeries. Once again, you used your talent to touch hearts and inspire. Thank you!

Lisa

Winsome 4 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Hi Lisa, thank you for the gracious words--I am proud of your daughter and granddaughter too. Learning to delay gratification by saving is valuable in itself, but to use it for others is the most valuable lesson of all. How fortunate she is to learn this at such an early age. She and her mother must have had a great teacher. =:)

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

I truly love this! "The Gift of the Magi" has been a beloved story all my long life. I hadn't seen the opening quotation, but I am going to share it with someone anon!

Your entire presentation is a joy and a treasure. Thank you. - Your new follower and fan!

Winsome 4 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas Author

Nellie what a lovely and gracious comment. Thank you. I should have known you were from Texas.

Love in all its forms causes us to abandon ourselves to giving in a way that transforms both the giver and the recipient. May we all be so transformed. =:)