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Monday, 31 October 2011

Dark, twisted
tales that feed our need for revenge. Sexy scenes with hunky young bucks all
desperately yearning to get laid. Gory sights and demented deeds that are so
over-the-top they border on camp.

These are the
staples of fright flicks, and though society may suspect that gays shy away
from horror and violence, the truth is that we love it in films that speak to
our unique sensibilities. So in honor of Halloween we compiled a list of our 13
favorites. We skip the standards like Rocky Horror and Death
Becomes Her, and instead go for the obscure, the fun, the quirky, and the
gayest of them all in hopes of inspiring your movie-watching ways this October
31st.

Rope (1948)
Inspired by real-life convicted killers (and lovers) Leopold and Loeb, Rope is
Alfred Hitchcock’s gayest film ever. It features a gay couple (played by John
Dall, and bisexual Farley Granger at his most luminous), a dinner party,
witty repartee, and a body hidden in a stylish piece of furniture. Sounds like
summers in Fire Island to us.

What Ever
Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

Cast two gay icons—Bette Davis and Joan Crawford—as crazy /
tragic protagonists, then have them abuse one another while performing at level
10, and you’ve got one of the most camptastic movies ever made. The dialogue is
deliciously mean, the hatred between these two actresses leaks off the screen,
and because the characters’ bitter back-story creates a strong foundation you
have a solid film rather than one of those “so-bad-it’s-good” features gays
love so much.

Best served in a crowd of drunk gays who can truly appreciate
the dark humor.

Carrie (1976)
Along with Baby Jane, Mommie Dearest and Showgirls, Carrie is
one of the films with dialogue most quoted by gay men. Gems like “I can see
your dirty pillows,” to a screeching “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” and
“They’re called breasts, and every woman has them...” have become part of the
secret language of gays. And Carrie’s prom night-mare has become pop culture
shorthand on TV shows from Ugly Betty to RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Nightmare on Elm
Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

New Line Cinema’s second schlep up to Elm Street is bursting at
the seams with homoerotic imagery and undertones. It features openly gay actor
Mark Patton as Jessie, a teenage boy Freddy Krueger tries to possess in order
to leave dreamland and continue his killing spree in the real world.

Even before the film’s writer, David Chaskin, admitted to
including the screenplay’s gay subtext in the 2010 documentary Never Sleep
Again: The Elm Street Legacy, Nightmare 2 had been herald as the
ultimate homo-horror flick for years by countless fans.

A film about a boy struggling to repress “something” inside of
him would have been enough to brand Nightmare 2as an obvious gay allegory.
However, it’s the moments following Jessie’s trek into a gay leather bar—where
he discovers his P.E. coach—that rank this film among the gayest of all time.
After all, tying up your coach in the locker-room showers and snapping his bare
ass with a towel before you kill him from behind will earn you that kind of
reputation.

Beetlejuce (1988)
Aside from featuring Alec Baldwin at the height of hotness, Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice has
enough camp to be welcome at any homo-Halloween haunt. The film’s quirky style
has held up amazingly well since it debuted over 23 years ago, and Winona
Ryder’s Lydia Deetz is a queer cinema classic. From the interior decorator
played by the late openly-gay actor Glenn Shadix to outrageous musical numbers,
there isn’t much about this film that isn’t gay.

Elvira, Mistress
of the Dark (1988)

The Queen of Halloween’s first
feature film has become a gay camp-classic for all the reasons that made Elvira
one of the biggest gay icons of all time. Over-the-top in every way possible,
from the costumes and sassy one-liners to the big musical number ending stuffed
with hunky shirtless male dancers, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is
theShowgirls of Halloween movies.

Hocus
Pocus (1993)

This poor film has a bad reputation, and some of it is deserved.
The movie is about time-displaced witches who fly on vacuums and sing songs,
and the kids who must set things right. But it’s also a delightfully fun bad
movie, comes from Disney and director Kenny Ortega (famous for the High
School Musical franchise), and stars gay faves Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica
Parker, and Kathy Najimy (fresh of her stint in Sister Act). No, it’s not
brilliant filmmaking, however it works for babysitting, if you’re in the mood
for something light, and if you can mix a potion of vodka and… well… anything…
to go along with your screening.

Scary
Movie (2000)

This send-up of classic horror films has some of the most
quotable lines in movie history. Like when Brenda (Regina Hall) picks up a
phone call in a packed movie theater:

It’s also got some super snacky guys, including the clueless and
closeted Shorty (Marlon Wayans). The joke was never about his orientation but
that his denial ran deeper than a killer’s knife, elevating the gay punch line
to a new level.

House of
Wax (2005)

The brilliant minds behind this remake were quick to exploit the
movie’s most marketable moment. Paris Hilton’s now-famous death scene was the
furthest thing from a closely guarded plot point, as promotional t-shirts and
posters reading “See Paris Die May 6” upstaged the film long before its debut
in theaters. The end of Paris is the main reason the film makes this list, but
it earns extra points for the inclusion of hotties Jared Padalecki and Chad
Michael Murray as well.

The
Covenant (2006)

Abercrombie & Fitch goes supernatural in this good warlock
vs. bad warlock fantasy/horror flick starring models-turned-actors Steven
Straight (10,000 B.C.) and Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights), as well as a
pre-shag Chace Crawford. Between that and this picture, do you need any further
explanation on why you should rent it?

Piranha (2010)
This knowingly camp remake of the 1978 low-budget Jaws wannabe is
more about guffaws than gore, although there’s plenty of the latter. But this
version ups the queer factor with Elizabeth Shue’s single-mama-grizzly-sheriff,
and Jerry O’Connell’s shirtless porn producer douchebag. Plus, there’s that
scene with O’Connell’s penis (SPOILER)... and the piranhas (SPOILER)... doing
those things that piranhas do...