My first line was supposed to be a verse from an old song called "Paper of Pins." I was seven. I was to sing the second verse and then join in on the chorus. I can't remember which verse out of the many options they chose for me to sing--but that terror and burning embarrassment? Hell yes, I remember! (Anyone have a paper bag?) Someone should really pay for that. I froze completely. I think I eventually managed to squeak something out and then join in with my fellow torture-ees on the chorus, which they burned it into my brain--apparently for all of time. (Printy has nothing on the relentless grilling of an elementary school music teacher.)

I'll give to you a paper of pins,
For that's the way true love begins,
If you will marry me, me, me,
If you will marry me.

That's a daffy song for a seven year old to be singing at an assembly.

And real Christmas trees because of their glorious fragrance and "imperfections." Lights are only a matter of patience, spare bulbs, and a full bottle of Goo-gone.

First line: "Sit back, relax, and we will entertain." I was five years old and playing Daisy (as in Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer Do) for a senior citizens party.

Also, definitely fake tree. I don't like thinking that someone killed my Christmas tree, which probably screamed in tree language at the time, and that it's decaying and falling to bits through the holidays. Also, my cat would eat it.

I like the answer to the first question, but not because it's sexual. I like it because the meaning behind it is the best thing about getting older: freeing oneself from the controlling grip of those things that truly do not matter. I love it!

And, not surprised that it's harder to get beat up than it is to beat someone up, especially in a way that makes for quality entertainment.