Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Cat Calling: Confusing the Asshats.

I know the cat-calling thing has come up a lot lately. So, I thought I'd give my take on it.

From what I've read the conversation seems to be going something like this.

Women: Cat-calling makes us feel degraded, angry, and, at times, afraid. It would be nice if the offenders (generally men) would cease and desist.

Some Men: I never really thought about it that way. I will cease and desist.Some other Men: I never did that anyway.Some other Men: Well, it happens to guys too.

And then we have the asshats. The ones who tell us that we should take it as a compliment. That if we didn't dress a certain way, it wouldn't happen (bullshit by the way), and my favorite rage inducing asshat, you know you secretly like it.

So ladies, I've come up with a few ways to deter said asshats. Are you ready? Here goes:

Situation One: Asshat has cat-called you. Stop. Look at asshat with bewilderment. Urgently whisper: You can see me? You're not supposed to be able to see me. *press finger in ear, like they do on cop shows* I've been compromised. No! Do not use the terminate method! We have not reached that point. *look at said asshat* What are you waiting for? Run!Proceed with the rest of the day.

Situation Two: This can be used if you have an extra few minutes. Asshat approaches. Freeze. I mean it stand completely still, don't even move your eyes. Just stand like that. This will confuse the asshat and he will wonder off.

Situation Three: Start talking to an imaginary person. Nod like you're answering. Ask questions. In general, act like a crazy person. If the asshat is still around, tell him politely that you are in an important conversation with the Emperor of Mars and you don't have time for earthly conversations.

Situation Four: Bark at them while other wise acting completely normal. No explanation required.

Situation Five: Tell asshat you would love to stay and converse but that your probation prohibits you from having a close relationship with any male. Your anger management teacher thinks you're making great strides, but there is always a chance of another "incident".