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The Key To Effective Communicating

Tag Archives: attraction

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, you always seem to end back up in the same place that you started. You have the drive the determination and the plan but somehow it just never seems to work? Well believe it or not there’s a reason behind this and fortunately there’s a ‘cure’ as well.

As humans we all have been designed with a little program called Homeostasis.

Homeostasis is defined as: The ability or tendency of an organism or a cell to maintain internal equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes.

This just means that your body and mind are programmed to remain the same. For example when you get cold, your body starts to shiver to bring its temperature back to normal. When you get too hot your body sweats to cool itself down. These are not conscious actions. They are automatic or unconscious actions. Although this states the physiological process, the psychological is also affected.

So, as it relates to success or a change in lifestyle, you must first change the script that you’re operating from. You must identify the examples that you were given in life to follow and make a conscious decision to change your programing. You must attack the root of the problem in order to change the results of it.

Break-through is defined as: To achieve success, make a discovery, etc, especially after lengthy efforts.

In other words, imagine that thing that’s holding you back is a paper-towel. Everyday you begin to add a pebble of accomplishment (towards your goal). After a while the pebbles become too heavy for the paper-towel holding them back and you have (all together now)… a Break-Through. I know what you’re saying, “Well I already knew that, that’s simple”. Yeah I know, things are so simple that we make them complicated. Truthfully the only thing holding us back is ourselves. There are no spells or curses (unless you consider your upbringing to one of these) it’s just what we’ve been taught.

One last example: If you were to take all of the money in the world and redistribute it equally, within a short amount of time, the same people who had the most money before will have it again. Why? Because its their mind-set. It’s ALL of our mind sets. We are where we have chosen to be in life. If you’d like to change where you are…..dehypnotize!

As it relates to mood and sex,….sigh…yes, men do in fact have cycles. In the emotionally sexual male it appears, at times, as a lack of interest in their partner. It’s expressed as an over-active sex drive in the physically sexual male. By the way, women fall into one or the other category as well.

Let’s start with the emotional. As it relates to sex, the emotional operates somewhat like a battery; after being used, he may require time to recharge. That’s not to say that they can’t perform everyday, it’s just not likely to be the same enegy level each time. Each person’s cycle is different. They could be on a 1-7 day cycle or more as I recently discovered while working with a client.

The emotional is typically not up for physical touch after sex. They’ve had their fill of physical contact for that moment. Touch feels irritating to them and their bodies may even tend to be cold, until their next cycle day. So, how do you know when that ‘cycle day is? When they begin to show more interest in you physically that’s a good indicator. That’s when their batteries have fully recharged and they’re ready.

Why is that? Well, emotional’s are not as ’emotionally’ connected to their bodies as the physicals are; remember they internalize and analyze their feelings. Therefore, the mind has to rejuvenate the body. During this time don’t expect a lot of affection or attention… they are not ‘feeling it’.

The physical on the other hand expresses their emotions with their body so you may find that they can do it five times a day or more in some cases. They don’t mind cuddling afterwards either, for the most part. The cycle of the physical is much more frequent than that of the emotional. They typically don’t ‘release’ as much as the emotional each time and are therefore able to release multiple times. That’s not to say (again) that there’ll be fireworks each time; it’s just that its possible to do it. The physical may become very irritated if they’re not able to release all of this energy within their cycle time frame; but more importantly, their physical body’s will display signs of stress… really.

The key here is to understand your own behaviour or cycle in an effort to get it into sync with your partner’s. The physical could indeed influence the emotional’s cycle by only approaching them only on their cycle days; which will require something that the physical typically runs short on…patience. However, the sex will be ten times better, from there start approaching one day earlier and take the time to get them ‘warmed up’. So now a seven-day cycle becomes a six-day and so on…

In closing, no matter who or what you ultimately choose to be in relationship with, they’re going to be your opposite; that’s what attracted you to them. This means that there will be issues. No Matter What! So if you know this before hand, why not be prepared to solve them creatively as opposed to allowing your differences to end what always starts as a beautiful romance.

I’ve always been curious about the Universe; the galaxies, nebulae, the stars and so forth. Even the word loosely translated means Uni (one) – Verse (Collection of words by an author or writer). Hmm…One of the things that still intrigues me to this day is our prospective of said Universe. Given the fact that no matter where we stand on the Earth, from our prospective, we’re standing on top of it. Here in Atlanta, from the Earth’s prospective, we’re actually on the side of the world. Well how is it then that we appear to be looking up at the moon or the sun? According to the models that I’ve seen, we’re actually looking ‘over’ at these celestial bodies, not up.

Here again we’re faced with accepting what has been given to us as truth, when in fact, the truth is relative to how much we know at the time. Let’s examine a few of these now debunked truths shall we?

The Earth is flat – ﻿﻿ ﻿Aristotle offered evidence of the Earth was a sphere around 330 BC

The Sun revolves around the earth – In the 1600’s Galileo was met with stiff opposition from philosophers and clerics for his support of the heliocentric theory (belief that the Sun is at the center of the Solar System)

Y2k is Armageddon – We’re still here

Smart people are witches – Are you a witch?…Well are you?

I could go on and on but the point is, no matter what was said to the people who believed these theories, they were sold on these ‘facts’. I have a real problem accepting my role as the customer. That is to say I’m tired of buying everything presented to me with alluring packaging. I’ll only use myself as an example since I know I’m the only one who does this.

When will we become the merchants of our lives? When will we choose to control the products/information that we consume? We don’t even question the information that has been given to us, that we base our everyday lives on! Why? Well, that would make us rebels, weird or different. People would laugh at us for not being as ignorant as they are….really?

The Physical hears or learns by literal communication but speaks with an inferred language. Conversely, the Emotional hears/learns through inferred language but speaks literally. For example; My wife (the physical)will ask during an argument, “So, where are you?” This is of course a question with an inferred meaning of: Where do we stand in our relationship? So I (the Emotional) say back to her literally and sarcastically I might add, “I’m sitting right here. What do you mean?” So what’s happening is that not only is there a fight about whatever the issue is at hand but, there’s also a battle over whose method of communication will be used. You can see how this allows for easy escalation of the situation.

The question is often asked, “Why do we use the term physical/emotional to describe these personalities?” The answer is that the Physical expresses his/her emotions physically whereas the Emotional withdraws into him/herself when they feel emotion. You may recognize these traits when a person experiences rejection. The physical will become more aggressive and come forward, but the emotional will become more passive and withdraw. The physical thrives on confrontation and emotional avoids it at all costs. The more the physical comes forward the more the emotional will withdraw. So, to the physical, if you ever hear the emotional say during an argument, “Ok, fine.” That doesn’t mean that everything is fine. That means watch your back. Although the emotional appears to have backed down and run away, this is not the case. They will find a way to express themselves at a later time. Did I mention that these two personalities are attracted to each other?…

In the beginning all that we tend to see is what we like about a person. The mystery about them, they’re so different and interesting, but as the relationship progresses and we learn more about the person we begin to focus on what we don’t like about them. Let’s ask ourselves what is it that we don’t like about this person? I’ll tell what it is…they’re not like us. We then begin a process of turning this person into ourselves and then we complain that there’s no excitement in the relationship. Well, duh, you’re dating yourself!

So the next time you get into an argument with someone you love step back and ask yourself, “Am I pushing too hard or am I withdrawing too deeply? Am I the Physical or the Emotional?” A key to effective communication is understanding This will begin to help you guide the resolution of the conflict to a desirable result.