Jan Moir - View from the sofa: Why can't everyone be Clare Balding?

Gold at last, with triumphs for rowers Heather Stanning and Helen Glover in the morning, then Bradley Wiggins in the afternoon.

How did the BBC portray these historic, medal-winning achievements? Over to Jake Humphrey in the ‘pod’, to forge the victorious moment on the national consciousness, equipped with nothing more than the molten heat of his powerful rhetoric.

‘We wondered,’ he said, ‘if the London Olympics would be like a London bus. Suddenly you get one and two come along at once.’

Intelligence: Clare Balding, a broadcaster with such an exceptional skill set she makes everyone else in her orbit seem third rate

Yes. That’s what we all weren’t
wondering, too. Still. What can you expect from Jake , who always seems
like he can’t wait to get back to his real job of selling Fuengirola
timeshares to retired couples from Cumbria?

I know, I know. It’s hard for broadcasters to talk contemporaneously with wit and expertise.

Share this article

Share

It’s a challenge to strike the
appropriate note of wonder or gravitas or joy about the sporting
achievements of others No, not everyone can be Clare Balding, a
broadcaster with such an exceptional skill set she makes everyone else
in her orbit seem third rate – especially if they actually are third
rate.

Yet Matt always seems semi-detached, keen to get back on the phone to nail that panto deal.
In comparison, down at the Aquatics Centre, Balding is always focused, briefed, knowledgeable and accomplished.

Whether interviewing proud parents – her chat with South African swimmer Chad le Clos’s father was a joyous classic – or guiding us through the watery runners and riders, she does it all with intelligence and flair.

It’s never about her, she resists any temptation to flirt with viewers or show off. She has a natural empathy and curiosity.

Most importantly, she does not treat the BBC audience like idiots. She is, in fact, the exact opposite of He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken (G*ry L*n*ker), whose flinty self-interest and laddish reactions are all too brutally exposed in his role as main Olympic anchor.

That should be Clare’s job!

Earlier in the day, Sue Barker fancifully wondered if the Team GB medal haul could be likened to a gold rush. Not quite, but at least the triumphs brought a champagne spray of blessed relief to victory-parched commentators.

Unimpressed: Jan Moir says Matt Baker babbles in the BBC 'pod'

For the previous four days, squads of highly primed sports pundits had somehow had to stay buoyant as British competitors repeatedly came in last, failed to qualify, fell off gym equipment, tripped over their own shoelaces and generally showed the world what sporting giants we aren’t.

And then, boom. Heather and Helen rowed to gold.

Down at Eton Dorney, Garry Herbert (a former cox) and Dan Topolski (a former coach) were the lucky commentators going slightly hysterical at the whiff of victory.

Criticism: Jan Moir says Gary Lineker's flinty self-interest and laddish reactions are all too brutally exposed in his role as main Olympic anchor

On the river bank, it was over to John Inverdale, a rugby expert who knows as much about rowing as I do. ‘There is hardly any need for questions,’ he began, clearly because he couldn’t think of one.

Eventually, he asked Heather: ‘Tell us, what is happening in that body of yours at the moment?’ Rowing is not Inverdale’s area of expertise – but then, neither is swimming for Clare Balding, and she manages just fine.

Meanwhile over at Lord’s cricket ground where the archery is being held, commentator Jonathan Agnew was putting his oar into things, too. Indeed, the BBC’s much-loved cricket correspondent seems to have got the archery gig only because he knows his way to the ground and quite probably has a permanent parking space there.

Memorable contributions so far? ‘There are arrows flying everywhere. It’s like the Battle of Hastings out there,’ he said earlier in the week.

And while the Team GB gold medal ceremonies were tremendous, I do wish the BBC would screen more of them – not just the ones which feature British winners.

No expert: On the river bank, it was over to John Inverdale, a rugby expert who knows as much about rowing as I do, says Jan Moir

We want to see the victors being rewarded. It is literally the crowning glory. Instead, in their corporate determination to turn this sporting event into an entertainment package, we are usually subjected to some dreary film insert.

Or cameras frequently cut away from the champs to show a meaningless interview with a shattered Team GB kid, crying because they have come sixth. At probably the worst moment in their lives, the poor athletes are then subjected to a barrage of tactless questions.

‘What are your plans now?’ Sharron Davies demanded of a losing competitor in tears at the Aquatics Centre. Elsewhere, someone else who limped in last is asked: ‘What do you take from that?’

It is the worst kind of squirm-o-vision, repeated over and over again. Yes, coping with defeat is the mark of a true champion, but how many more times must we be forced to share their pain?