HOUSES that don't need cleaning, money that doesn't need earning, degrees that don't need studying, dishes that don't need washing, food that doesn't need cooking, injuries that don't need healing... If you thought the vampire life as imagined by Stephanie Meyer was wondrous enough, you ain't seen nothing yet. For, in the finale, she throws in the baby with the bathwater: children that don't need caring.

The fruit of all that longing, panting and heaving, and some frenetic copulating, that Bella (Stewart) and Edward (Pattinson) did for the past three films is a child "Renesmee" who, her mother says in all seriousness, grows "every day". Of course when Bella says it that way -- with Stewart putting all her lip-clenching seriousness into it -- "growing" means days segueing into months, months into years, and a child into a premature pre-teen.

Renesmee stands for the names of Bella's mother and Edward's "carer". But where you and I might notice a glaringly CGI-animated pretty baby, one of the vampires sees an "Immortal". As opposed to vampires who don't die, "Immortal" is a vampire child who kills for pleasure, doesn't grow and generally gets killed by the "Volturi" -- the latter being the law-keepers of the vampire world, led by a desperately devious Aro (Sheen).

When the Volturis decide to come for Renesmee, it is one of those moments from Twilight when the whole Cullen clan, including Bella and Edward, are gathered together staring lovingly at the girl mastering yet another art form. Then Alice comes in, carrying a large vase, has the "vision" of the Volturi and gasp! -- yes, crashes the vase.

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