“To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave. Every man is entitled to be valued by his best moment.”

–

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“I do not judge men by anything they can do.

Their greatest deed is the impression they make on me.”

—

Henry David Thoreau

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So. Sometimes, okay, oftentimes … I think we lose perspective. And in that lost perspective we judge poorly and criticize unfairly.

I sometimes think because we lack connection to the larger perspective and, therefore, end up in this cocoon of ‘what the hell is happening right now’ that, well, we criticize or judge in frustration.

What I mean by that is we stop just ‘feeling’ what is going on around us. We don’t really think about shit and instead we focus on what we don’t feel which ultimately means we rely almost solely on just what we see.

And then we judge and criticize.

Here is the crazy part.

Despite the fact we aren’t truly sensing what is going on before we act, and what we see isn’t framed by any real deep thinking, our judgement/criticism crisis is driven by emotion.

Yeah. Emotion.

Now … almost everyone will scoff at this and say “if my fault is losing the larger perspective than my strength lies in common sense reaction to tangible results … and that isn’t emotional … that is a rational based response.’

Well, no, everyone is mostly wrong in that scenario. You are simply using the tangible as an excuse for being too lazy, or declining to, pause and think of the larger perspective. And you couch that decision in emotion or, worse common sense on what I see <note: what is most obvious, obviously, has some very important things which may actually be more important than the obvious>. By the way I believe this happens in business and in everyday life.

Regardless. Everyone has an excuse.

They simply haven’t strengthened their self regulation skills.

Psychologically speaking I think this lack of perspective is based in something called ‘a lack of self regulation.’ Self regulation is actually about emotions and our emotions are driven by biological impulses.

To be clear, biological impulses are beyond our control, but the resulting emotions are not. Emotions, of any depth, are impossible to ignore and, yet, they can certainly be managed. This self management is called self-regulation and it is a characteristic of emotional intelligence. This is the characteristic that frees us from running around chasing our impulses.

Interestingly studies have been conducted which show characteristics of people who have a well defined self regulation:

– an inclination towards reflection and thoughtfulness

– acceptance of uncertainty and change

– Integrity, specifically, the ability to say no to impulsive urges.

In today’s world self-regulation is a pretty underrated skill. For example … if you have great self regulation people will most likely see you as dispassionate or maybe aloof – not particularly the qualities desired to build connections with people. In addition people have a tendency to glorify the passionate ‘authentic’ leader thereby relegating most good ‘self regulators’ to un-glorious positions.

Now. Sometimes this authentic passion is mistaken for ‘characteristic of brilliance.’

Anyone who says that is … well … nuts.

Just batty.

Let me say one unequivocal thing.

At no time in business history have we needed less unrestrained passion from our leaders and more self regulation.

Under the guise of ‘being authentic’ and ‘showing your human side’ we have permitted leaders to be less leaderly and more like us every day schmucks.

Look. If I wanted an everyday passionate schmuck to lead I would raise my hand and say “I will lead.’ But I want … well … a leader.

I want someone who will criticize and judge fairly.

I want reasonable people making reasonable decisions and, well, being reasonable as they do so.

I want someone who can self-regulate well because as they have the ability to maintain control over their own emotions I have a tendency to believe they will be more likely to maintain control over the natural ebbs & flows of the organizational emotions.

I want environments low on drama and high in productivity.

Frankly, if a leader can create that environment the best of the best employees have a tendency to flock to those organizations and prosper <and not leave>. Yeah. Self-regulation actually has a ripple effect. It creates stability at the core of the work environment. It also sets an example for organizational behavior and organizational attitude and organizational expectations.

The even handed nature of a self-regulated leader in combination with the measured positive attitudes <that have a tendency to be intertwined in that type of environment> tends to translate into a more positively principled measured-in-its-actions organization.

Even better?

Self-regulation leads to a more measured criticism and measured judgment.

Ah.

Measured <as in ‘careful & deliberate’, not as in ‘trackable’>.

What a great word. And what an undervalued characteristic.

Why is it typically undervalued? Because it has tinges of ‘not spontaneous’ and ‘not instinctual’ and ‘lack of passion.’ And when all those tinges come together it becomes the hue of ‘slow & unsure’ to outside people.

What crap.

Every person, every employee, deserves to be judged by their best moments and not their worst.

Every person, every employee, deserves to be criticized with measured self-regulated responses and not by some spontaneous feeling.

Every person, every employee, deserves to be led by someone who can self-regulate.

Let me end with one thought.

It is easy to be a crappy leader. Really easy. And very easy to judge your own success solely on outcomes and objectives reached and sales and ignore a lack of emotional intelligence along the way.

It would also be easy to suggest this self-regulation is ‘maturity.’

It is not.

A lack of emotional intelligence and lack of self regulation early on in a career, and then that person is promoted, has been rewarded. No increase in maturity will suddenly suggest to the crappy self-regulated business person that they should act differently.

It is hard to be a good leader. It takes a measured self-regulated approach to provide the stability which empowers employees to be the best they can be.

I wish we would praise self-regulation more often because then maybe we would have more happy & productive business environments <without having to bribe employees to do the right things> if we did.

This is about control and lack of control. This is about doing and not doing. This is about ignorance and confidence. This is maybe also about our quest to control things with the intent to create perfection or, maybe, this is about our attempt to create heaven within our purview.

That said. Ultimately, this is about the wretched in-between all of that in which businesses thrive, survive or die. Let’s call it the inevitable hell of reality if you pursue things believing you can control what will be.

One of the hardest things to learn as you gain more and more responsibility in your career is that while you gain more responsibility; you lose more and more control.

This is a really hard lesson because, well, face it, if you are worth half a shit you most likely were initially anointed for promotions and more responsibility because you had shown you could control events/activity in some form or fashion. In fact. your incredibly unattractive anal perfectionist attitude & skills were most likely what made you professionally attractive <and successful>. The horrible fact is that your continued success actually encourages you to believe everything will be better <at least for you and to you>, if you maintain control.

Some business people never learn to loosen the control attitude and either flame out or become one of those horrendous managers no one wants to work for. Some get it, that you lose control, and that is when you learn to “manage” & lead.

But. Let me be clear.

What makes this really hard is that control is insidious. The more we pursue it the less we seem to have of it. The more we pursue it the more it seems to poison our attitudes and behavior.

What I mean by that is our personal attitude with control affects our attitude with regard to those around us. Inevitably it can create an overall sense of paranoia not only with tangible doings, but in the intangible, and even more insidious, lack of trust in those around us.

Think about it.

The Roman emperors killed advisor after advisor and even close relatives to prevent them from taking their power, i.e., from taking away their ability to control.

The sacrificing of other’s is fruitless because … well … the pursuit of control as the end goal is futile. Having control of anything is an illusion or at best a coincidence. You can never quite get there.

To be clear, I am making a distinction between control and influence. Control, especially of people, is not possible. You can exert influence, but there is no guarantee that your influence will actually produce the results you intend.

That is the distinction: you can exert influence, but you cannot control actual results.

Anyway. To let go of an unhealthy grasp of control you in turn need to embrace the maddening ambiguity & uncertainty of life and business. This mean embracing change, adapting and the inevitably aggravations that come with unintended consequences and unforeseen activity.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to influence the outcomes of actions, but it does mean you may have to accept that demanding that things always go the way you believe they should go will not happen.

Bottom line.

If we are too focused on trying to control everything with the intent to create heaven, we will inevitably create hell.

And the hell is internal and external.

Based on our lack of control, internally we can become cynical as our attitude becomes dominated by the “futility of it all.” Externally people are frustrated and micromanaged and so much time gets wasted on attempting to ‘control’ that actual ‘doing type stuff’ becomes less than efficient and runs the overall risk of being ineffective.

<note: we all know managers like this …>

From this point forward most of our actions fall into one of two places:

– Do nothing <most of the time … just be reactive>

– Do something <most of the time … act upon any and all beginnings we recognize>

Both are bad, but the second is most typical of those who seek to control and are frustrated by lack of control.

They just cannot resist beginning something. They almost do not care what — just something.

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“When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.”

Lord Falkland

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Now. The flip side of control is usually about doing as in like ‘controlling actions with a goal in mind’ type stuff.

The quote above speaks that what we know often protects us from trying things needlessly. And, yet, the quote also points out that not making a decision is difficult. For many of us our natural instinct is to make a decision or to do something. In fact, sometimes we seem to have some absurd confidence that if we try hard enough … success can be achieved. This same confidence makes us ignore the beginnings, begin, and step forward confident we can do something if we just keep searching for answers. Inevitably, by not resisting the beginnings, we cannot avoid unpleasant ends.

<Sigh>

And this is all done under the auspices of a desire for control.

Look. Ignoring your control instincts is difficult. But, if you do, you learn and grow, sometimes by rebuilding that which was either built wrong or just should be rebuilt to meet a new environment. Answers appear less in pursuit, but in awareness of the changing situation <giving ‘answers’ space to appear>.

It is natural to try and control mostly because the alternative seems to be lack of control.

The reality is somewhere in between. And that in between can be an uncomfortable place to reside.

But that uncomfortable place is called Life. It is not heaven nor is it hell. It is just Life.

I don’t have advice, but I can say what I do.

First.

I don’t believe in “control what you can.” That suggests simply because you can that you should. Similar to when a situation dictates you make no decision and it then becomes necessary to actually NOT make a decision … when you can control a moment or a situation it becomes necessary to decide if you SHOULD control it or not.

This makes Life infinitely more difficult in the choice & control aspect but most often infinitely more enjoyable, efficient & effective.

Second.

I accept most control is situational and within a very specific defined time frame. This makes my version of control infinitely easier for me. I know I have the power to control for a window of time and then let it go when the window closes.

By the way … I am not suggesting recognizing the window is easy. I have had my fingers smashed many times when the window closed and I was still trying to control.

Both of these thoughts suggest control is both an art & a science. Far too often in business people do not think of control as either an art or a science, but rather either a responsibility or a right.

Yes.

Ultimately someone needs to be in control, or situational take control, or there is just sheer chaos.

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.

There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs.

Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.”

—–

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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So. This is about rational criticism, not emotional criticism, and the fact several people have asked if I will ever lighten up on President Trump.

Well. Here’s the deal.

Yes. I am a harsh critic of Donald J Trump.

However, almost all my criticism & critique is done from a business perspective <rational> and not a personal perspective <emotional>.

I do not know the man so commenting on him personally would seem silly.

But I do know business. I do know some of the better senior business people. I do know what good leadership and leading looks like. I do know what business principles would be transferable to attempting to be a president <in a political system versus a “CEO” business system> and I do know that I do not know shit about politics <but from afar I can see the maddening aspects and have no desire to work within the system>.

I do know that I am a harsh critic of myself … I am self-proclaimed perpetually dissatisfied business person.

I do know I am not a big self-promoter, tend to dislike extreme self-promoters and I value confidence … but quite confidence.

And that leads to my criticisms of Trump.

First and foremost Trump falls squarely in my criticism cross hairs. As the graph to the right indicates, when someone, anyone, is in the asshat space <upper right hand quadrant> I will be harshly critical. Trump is in that quadrant and he is an asshat.

I would note that I assume everyone makes mistakes so if you view this chart as “emphasis of my criticism depending on where you fall on this chart” my level of criticism will naturally dial up based upon the behavior of the participant and not their actual actions <this can translate into some minor criticism even if something is done right and harsh criticism when a mistake is made>.

Now. My second basis of criticism falls on progressive scale. The higher the responsibility the higher the expectations <of what you should know, how you should behave and what you actually do> and, ultimately, the higher the volume of criticism for less-than-appropriate behavior. Correspondingly, the lower the responsibility, the lower the expectation and … well … yeah … you get it … my level of criticism diminishes.

What does all of that mean?

I think we are all much more forgiving of someone who shows some humility and accepts responsibility and admits mistakes and is confident without being overbearing. Conversely, the more someone doesn’t show those characteristics the more likely our pendulum of criticism will swing toward … well … highly critical.

Ok. I heard someone say “Trump could enact a miracle and some people will criticize him.”

That is not true.

It approaches Trump criticism from the wrong perspective in that it ignores the context that HE creates. I would be happy to not criticize him and I even have edged into giving him some credit on occasion, but I do so hesitantly.

And I think many others are hesitant for the same reason.

Just as he has a tendency to exaggerate … well … everything … he makes it difficult to compliment him. There is no counterbalance and our fear, at least mine, is that giving credit seems to take on an exponentially exaggerated level with him. I seriously doubt that giving him credit will be thanked by offering up some humility or admitting some past mistakes.

Therefore, just as it is with the guy in your office who wants to take credit for shit he has never done and believes that people don’t give him enough credit in general or don’t recognize how smart/talented he is — they absorb credit and compliments as “it is about time” or “what took you so long to see what I have been telling you” rather than “thanks.”

These kinds of people are hard to give credit to. And, in fact, these kinds of people almost make us NOT want to give them credit for anything <and , if we do, it tends to be muted>.

Does that mean my criticism is too harsh? Shit. I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Harsh, in my eyes, would be if Trump was actually a business guy who was implementing solid business principles and I ignored that and simply was harshly criticizing some of the ‘art’ aspects of business <and not the ‘science’ part>. But Trump is implementing none of the ‘science.’ In addition, he is the Dolph Lundgren of the artistic portion of business. He has no ‘feel’ for business just one speed and one style and one way of doing things.

And that is the basis for my constant Trump critiques — he is failing to meet what I would consider the basic business leadership standards of , well, even a higher middle manager type leader in a larger organization.

To be clear. I am careful about how I criticize anyone in any position. While Trump is most likely not familiar with Plato, Plato offers us some guidelines with regard to how to evaluate a business person beyond simple evaluation of what they do:

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“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.”

Plato

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Behavior, business included, flows from these three things. It isn’t ‘good business instincts’ or ‘deal making skills’ or any of the things Trump flippantly tosses around with regard to what he believes <and he constantly suggests we all know this about him> or his incredible <self described> business skill. And while I could take a stab at critiquing Donald J Trump on what his desire is <psychologically and tangibly> and I may be able to take a stab at what his emotional drivers are, I most typically do not. My critical evaluation mostly resides on ‘knowledge.’

His business knowledge and how he uses it.

All that said. Yeah. Sometimes I use some harsh words.

I have called him batshit crazy <hyperbole>.

I have called him a clown <he does portray some circus performer aspects on occasion>.

I have called him an idiot <misuse of a word to highlight what is actually ‘oblivious behavior’>.

Does that make my criticism too harsh? No. But what it may do is add unnecessary color to what should be a black & white issue.

Black & white?

As one article summarized it perfectly — Trump is simply a profoundly mediocre person tragically unfit for the presidency.

Criticizing chaos, or less than competent leadership behavior, or even less-than-principled foundational business acumen is simply pointing out unnecessary turmoil – or a situation which is at war with itself.

Maybe one should view my writings and critiques as the writings of a wartime journalist recording the battles, generals and strategies. Maybe I should think of myself that way with Trump. Why? I want peace. I don’t want this turmoil. It is tiring and mostly unnecessary. Any viable sane business person who has ever held any significant responsibility knows that this is mostly unnecessary turmoil.

That said. I will continue with criticism, as harsh as is necessary, because I seek peace <because I believe America deserves it and not this shit>.

Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them

I opened with the Emerson quote, purposefully, for two reasons.

The first was what I just pointed out. I am a business guy and I recognize that not only is chaos & turmoil bad in business it is, more often than not, unnecessary and a reflection of poor leadership. While I may be a small voice in the grander scheme of things I will continue to use my voice to criticize with an objective of ‘peace’ instead of what we currently face.

My second reason resides in listening to the critics. Emerson is absolutely correct in that if you listen to critics and criticism too much you can very easily lose sight of what is truly important. Someone will always tell you what you have done wrong and what you are doing wrong. However. Not even listening to critics, simply ignoring their thoughts as irrelevant is the path of fools. Good leaders sift through the criticism for the valuable grains of truth. And while Trump clearly listens, obsessively I may add, he does not ‘hear.’And, yes, there is a difference between listening and hearing <by the way … I wish media would point that out to Trump surrogates who incessantly claim Trump is a good listener>. Trump listens to criticism and finds ways to ignore the truths in any way he can.

That said, the conclusion to that thought isn’t “you are wasting your time criticizing” but rather ‘ongoing criticism enable enablers to corral bad behavior.’ Ignoring incompetence or poor decision making or even misguided organizational development steps is not an option.

Criticism offers opportunities for course correction.

What that means is I will continue to criticize, harshly when appropriate, until the country is on a course … any course <because , in business, you learn that there is no one course just a choice among courses>. And I will criticize until he actually starts acting like all the other CEOs I have ever met, because, once again, this is not how good CEOs behave.

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Author’s note:

I continue to suggest everyone who desires to know how professional foreign affairs and intelligence people and military assess the Trump administration and Trump behavior should visit www.warontherocks.com . My favorite author just delivered a blistering commentary, criticism, of Trump called “The Incompetence Doctrine” … a must read for everyone.