A Scary New “Diet Machine” Sucks Fat Out Of Your Stomach

I’ve heard of a lot of crazy weight loss diets, secrets, tips and tricks – but this one just may take the cake. Apparently, the inventor of Segways has teamed up with a company called Aspire Bariatrics to design a pump that will literally suck the fat out of your stomach. I can’t be the only one who thinks this is completely crazy.

Here’s how this would work, according to the Aspire Bariatrics site: the pump basically reduces the amount of calories absorbed by your body so that you don’t gain weight (more calories = more weight gain). How does it do that? After you eat something, food is temporarily stored in your stomach as the digestion process begins. Your stomach starts breaking down your food and then passes it to the intestines and that’s where your calories are absorbed. The AspireAssist (the name of this crazy pump) sucks that food out of your stomach before the calories can be absorbed.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Yeah, it’s basically like eating and then throwing up your food. But instead of throwing up, you’re just going to stick an A-Tube™ into your stomach through a hole in your abdomen. No biggie. The A-Tube™ will suck the fat out and is controlled by a little handheld device. UM. There are so many things wrong with this.

For one thing, how does this actually effectively work? The ladies over at Jezebel asked a lot of the same questions I was thinking of: what about the risk of infection? What about all of the other scary complications that come with sticking a foreign object in your body? How does this work once you’ve reached a goal weight? Your body isn’t properly losing weight, so your metabolism isn’t really changing – so I’m going to assume that once you stop using this, you’ll probably just gain all of that weight back simply because you’re once again eating and digesting food normally.

I mean, this thing just doesn’t sound healthy at all. As Jezebel pointed out, this is coming from the dude who invented Segways, otherwise known as the guy who gave us a lazy alternative to walking. That means that this is a lazy alternative to eating healthy. The idea of this seems to be that you can eat whatever you want and still lose weight (although one newspaper discovered that that’s not true). That can’t possibly be safe or good for you.

Ladies, please don’t fall into this. If you want to get healthy, the best way to do it is to simply eat foods that are good for you, maybe eat less and workout on a regular basis. I’m so sick of hearing about these crazy fad diets, like no eating after 5 PM (that’s INSANE), and these ridiculous pills and/or machines that promise results that don’t even sound like they’re good for you. That kind of stuff might help you lose weight quickly, but it’s not going to keep it off. It’s also not going to keep you healthy, which is the most important thing you should be worrying about.

Would you ever try something like this? Do you think it’s ridiculous? Have you ever tried a crazy diet? Tell us in the comments.