10 November 2007

CJ, ah my dear CJ "picked a marker up from the floor" this evening and took it upon herself to color Miss Bailey (my dog) while I was pouring a fresh batch of chicken broth from its pan. As I cleaned up I looked back towards the floor to see an excited Miss Bailey painted like some mad circus clown on his 6th bottle of malt liquor. Soon the shock and awe of the attack subsided and Miss Bailey sought revenge against the terrorist forces.

Even now, two hours after battle, as I type this AAR (After Action Report) blood pours from my many wounds and splatters the keyboard below. The pain is very real, but I must admit revenge is sweet.

A green zone has been clearly designated, a provisional government installed and battle has completely subsided. Mission accomplished folks.

GALLERY - Battle of Marker ProvenceThe damage is done.

Shock and awe sets in.

Miss Bailey pleads for revenge in a congressional hearing.

Bailey forces strike the elite Red Pant Brigade.

Miss Bailey suffers a direct hit to the head.

Battle subsides after hours of arduous fighting. Green zone established by Bailey forces.

UpdateA reader shared his recent experience on the battlefield.

My poor old Byron suffered blue ear and white tail tip damage recently defending the hallway from invasion by a painter and decorator (admittedly his defending involves wagging tail and subduing the invading forces by licking them, not quite water-boarding but certainly effective at preventing any enemy action). Is poor old Miss B still marked or did you send in a team to dismantle all trace of chemical warfare?

Thank you Mr. Wit for taking the time to share your story with us. The clean-up team has been reluctant to approach with water for fear it will kick up noxious fumes in the Dogwet territory. I suspect the team will calm local citizens and complete the cleanup some time this afternoon.

The Catwet territory is another matter. Though suppressed, the reigning militia's Red Pant Brigade is still on high alert and has been brandishing swords and other implements of destruction in the streets. The counter-insurgency coalition met last evening and decided it may be best to let nature do the clean up work. "We want to wait and see what happens," General Dogder explained in a press meeting earlier this morning. This was in fact his response to every question posed by the press.

Fortunately the expected half-life of the chemistry used in the revenge attack is a mere two days though crews are keeping a close eye on the situation in case a cleanup opportunity arises sooner.

Brigadier General Stinkzlot of the Red Pant Brigade is still on the loose. An anonymous official released this top secret photo.

The mood in the Catwet territory is tense as militia troops still roam the streets. We are told no shots have been fired. Photo courtesy of Greenwater, LLC.