Thursday, March 7, 2013

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

My long absence from posting is mostly a side effect of life, however my transition from a laptop to an iPad has put a kink in my blogging accessibility. I either need to find a better Blogger app or learn HTML. In the mean time, I'll squeeze in posts when I actually have my butt in my desk chair and my fingers on my desktop keyboard. I'm coming in way late for selecting a homoerotic wrestler of the month, so among the many things piling up for me to post about, I'm putting that at the top of today's list. The field seems a little sparse, though that may be a function of me not having my eye on the industry in February as devotedly as I typically do. BG East is between catalogs, and Can-Am is continuing the long drought of new wrestling releases (last October!?). Thunder's has a new bright, shiny toy dangling in front of my eyes that goes by the name of Dakota, who's suddenly appeared in 3 new releases earning nominations for him as well as Lex, former HWOTM Z-Man, and sweet piece of meat Ken (Mat Rats 36, 34 and 31 respectively). I also love a fratboy vs bodybuilder mismatch, so Tak and Specimen get in line for contention with Mat Rats 32. I've already waxed infatuated about Rock Hard Wrestling's Stretched and Split, in which triple threat Will Stanley (body, tats and accent) takes a licking and keeps on ticking against perennial badass punk Ethan Andrews. New kids on the block, Muscle Domination Wrestling, are scratching an itch left from the silence of Can-Am lately, proving they've got their eye squarely on the gay wrestling kink audience with Morgan Cruise and Tony Law wrestling naked in the ring (now that's a formula for success!) in their VIP lounge downloads of Naked Nut Grab and Steamy Wrestling (the product names aren't nearly as innovative as the matches themselves). SteelMuscleGod again teamed up with my guilty pleasure, Wimpy Boy, for a delightful head scissors exhibition, getting a nod and a nomination from me for February's hottest performances.

Is it my imagination, or is the field unusually shallow this month?! Not to say anything negative about any one of the nominees (mostly because that just gets me in trouble), but I have to say, in the aggregate, the average homoerotic wrestling release for February 2013 was simply not as hot as I've been accustomed to lately. Wasn't it just a few months ago I was referring to our new Golden Age of homoerotic wrestling? I'm officially putting out a call for suggestions for a new homoerotic wrestling fix, because while Can-Am has gone dormant and when BG East is between catalogs, I'm missing something new, innovative, and inspiring. Muscle Domination looks like my best chance for a new infatuation, but the video quality and quality of wrestling needs to continue to improve to keep up with their creativity. SMG just has to growl and I'm turned on, but his wrestling fetish work is more fetish than wrestling lately, hampering his chances at being a headliner in the field. That said, there's one wrestler who I'm calling out of this field as decidedly above average, who legitimately revved my engine and made me swoon. If this field were tighter, he might not have managed grabbing the ring, but that shouldn't minimize the effect that this particularly enjoyable muscle hunk had on me in February. With all of those caveats and words of caution out of the way, my newest pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month is...

I've already given a detailed blow by blow of this match, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much. The first thing that grabbed me about Will here is the skin-tight-cat-suit of a singlet he wears. I'm not nearly as focused on gear as I know many of you are, but damn, damn, DAMN, Mr. Stanley wears that singlet OUT! There's something gorgeously classic about the gear choice that gives me a hit of watching old British pro wrestling on youtube. And it proves the old adage that sometime the sexiest outfit is not the skimpiest.

Nylon clad British beef

Lovely Will looks like he was poured into that navy blue nylon. It sucks to every eye catching bulge and cranny. When Ethan is doing what, arguably, Ethan does best (showing off the muscled bod of an opponent), there's something insanely tactile and alluring about Will's bulging crotch, powerful pecs, and those sweet as honey muscled glutes he's packing inside of that stunningly stretched fabric.

Like me, that skin tight singlet just wants to cling to that gorgeously muscled body!

It's Will that goes for ripping his opponent's singlet straps down first, scoring him major league points in my estimation. He nothing but contemptuous of Ethan's lean bod, but that doesn't stop him from dialing up the heat by exploiting a moment of vulnerability and peeling Ethan's singlet straps down. Score a big one for the physique star! Ethan follows suit not long afterward, and sweet mother of god, the Britboy's torso is once again classically stunning. I love how the singlet is so fucking tight around his torso that it stays plastered to his upper abs for quite a while as Ethan returns the favor of exploiting his opponent in a moment of vulnerability.

Will shuts his eyes tightly to pretend his humiliation isn't being caught on camera.

Those shiny, straining, flexing pecs, veiny delta, and writhing six pack abs tortured in the ropes is pretty much exactly why ring wrestling is automatically more erotic for my tastes by a factor of about 10. The combination of agony contorting Mr. Stanley's handsome face and his determined prediction of Ethan's impending doom, even as Ethan has him by the shorthairs, is fantastic. Score yet another big one for my growing infatuation with the Brit beauty.

That skinny git just fucked me up!?!?

Ethan takes the first fall with a submission. Will is a supremely tasty treat flat on his back with his eyes closed as if refusing to see the truth that a "skinny kid" like Ethan just schooled his seriously fine ass. That Ethan does not capitalize on the moment to pry this bulging stud the rest of the way out of that epic singlet is 2% an indictment of Ethan and 98% an indictment of Rock Hard Wrestling, I think. We know for a fact that Ethan is well aware that his expert work is being consumed ravenously by gay fans aching to see him own this vulnerable hunk of British beef (no horse meat here!). And if Mr. Stanley isn't fully aware of the star power packed inside that unrealized moment of getting stripped to a more modest layer of fight gear, with a bod like that he should be. We've seen him in gorgeously tight trunks, so the missed opportunity of watching Ethan pull out a crow bar and peel that sucker off as Will lies there checking his ego is hard to watch.

Not hard to watch, however, is Will's body as it seems to swell like a balloon the harder he works and the sweatier he grows in this match. Those shoulders alone seem to take him from from a 44L to a 48L suit coat in about 5 minutes. He's got lovely everything, of course, but that hip tat peaking out over the top of his peeled down singlet is simply awesome, and further evidence both of the allure of a teasing glimpse and the missed opportunity of not ripping that navy blue nylon the rest of the way off of his body.

British beef pretzel

Ethan makes Will hurt (score Ethan!), a lot, often humiliatingly. Seeing a big, powerful, sculpted body like that owned and contorted as big Will's face twists like a tornado is fantastic homoerotic drama. When Ethan is pounding out riding time, there's not a corner of Will's body that isn't displayed to perfection and served up like the 4-star dish it is. Will takes a beating and gets tied up like a pretzel, and a 6'1" 185 pound gym bunny who can pull that off and still rack his opponent like a barbell and pump out squats in the middle of the ring at the end of it all is an obvious contender for my affections.

Ethan stares up at the face of my new homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Will Stanley has a long way to go if he's going to be a serious staple in my diet of recurring favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but he's got a golden foundation of beautiful muscles and a sharp wit made all the more cutting by a working class English accent. He doesn't entirely own the ring, so I'm longing to see his ring skills get as pumped up as those massive deltoid muscles. But he does, however, own Ethan Andrews delightfully and decisively, stroking my fantasies and keeping my eyes riveted on his every move, clinch, flex and strut, earning him a relative newcomer's uncharacteristic awarding of my homoerotic wrestler of the month. Keep up the good work, Will.

4 comments:

First things first, I wholeheartedly cosign the selection of Will Stanley. At the risk of breaking kayefabe, it's the irony of gay wrestling: When a worker is obviously handsome/cute/pretty and exceptionally well-built to boot, every single company that has the chance to work with him will book him to take a beating in most of his matches. It doesn't matter if that guy is a bodybuilder, mixed martial artist, former high school wrestler, master of hand to hand combat via the military or whatever "real life" background he has. We all know that. Yet there's still a "how good is this guy, really?" subtext to any wrestler's image. We associate being a "good" wrestler to a large extent with being dominant--winning. So the irony becomes that a lot of guys, even as they sell a lot of tapes by excelling at exactly what they're told to do, get pigeonholed or, more accurately, interpreted as less talented/lazy/disinterested in wrestling than they really are precisely because they are exceptionally good looking.

Will Stanley is one of those guys. I thought he was a stand out from day one at RHW, because of his looks, yes, but also because of how he moved and sold his punishment relative to other wrestlers on their roster. I've also thought a lot of people didn't notice because they either focused just on his looks or, more likely, because he was a punching bag, usually with guys who were notably smaller. Though I still think he's best as a woebegone jobber, all dripping with sweat and grimacing with pain contorting his handsome face and his poor, worn out muscles quivering, I thought he did an admirable job flipping the script on Ethan Andrews, who, for my money, joins Eli Black and Jonny Firestorm as heels I'd pay to see put in their place now and then.

And, oh yeah, if you're open to suggestions for a new gay wrestling fix for those months when pickings aren't quite as numerous, might I suggest something like an occasional "hidden gem of the month" feature? I've always thought the whole wrestler of the month thing was nice but a bit limiting. I know I've seen matches the moment they came out and had one opinion, often lower precisely because I was seeing it in a pack with a lot of others, only to come across the match months later, watch it again, and love it. A good recent example is Rio Garza vs. Firestorm. When I first saw that match I haaaaated it, thought Firestorm was just going through the motions and Garza wasn't particularly featured as the prettyboy victim with the lingering camera angles. But when I watched it again a few months ago, it was glorious: Firestorm seemed sinister and sadistically intense on punishing Garza with some rather creative holds and Garza was pitch-perfectly pitiable with this ongoing, what the fuck did I get myself into expression.

I think one of the best things about having pro wrestling made "for us" is discovery: finding those things, matches and moments that don't merely mimic what we've always seen in straight wrestling (though that has it's appeal, too), but truly speak to our specifically unique tastes. So much of that stuff is out there, has been out there for decades now. So, whether you occasionally focus on newer matches you see in new ways upon later review or older matches that preceded your blog, it'd be a nice service for your readers. It'd be a great way to work in incredibly enticing matches from truly legendary names from Brad Rochelle to Kid Leopard to Paul Perris, yet in a fashion that keeps them current. Because images like rookie Brad bouncing off the ropes and slamming into Psycho Capone's clothesline repeatedly or Wade Cutler whimpering and naked with Kid Leopard kneeling behind him and sleazily ordering him to chose between jerking off or suffering more punishment are still as appealing for a newbie or re-watching now as they were then. Anyway. whatevs.

I'm sure this is a great choice, because you always make great choices. Thanks to your original post about this match, I bought the download, but haven't had a chance to watch it, yet. You're really building up my anticipation, though!

I did get excited when you mentioned Tak, because while I haven't seen anything recently, I did really like him in his earlier matches.

Only other thing I would add is that I think you should have no winner if you're not excited by a certain month's offerings.

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This is a blog devoted to contemplating in excruciating detail the world of homoerotic wrestling. It's about the kinks and the quirks that turn me on and inspire my imagination. This site is not for everyone. You'll know within moments of browsing if it's for you. If it is: enjoy, leave a comment, and let your imagination come out and play.

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