Things ‘Get Real’ In The Whole Foods Parking Lot

A video by rapper DJ Dave, which has become a You Tube hit, was made over a year ago in Los Angeles.

However, consider it proof that the Whole Foods experience stands the test of time and certainly applies here, too. Like those shoppers who flock to the store at North and Kingsbury in Lincoln Park.

In the video, DJ Dave powers up his hybrid, and then it all starts to “get real in the Whole Foods Parking lot.”

The story begins with the rapper trash-talking all the other eco-friendly whips in the lot, and as he gets to the hook, he calls out the basket-sized shopping carts and the “fools with the clipboards looking at me like they know me.”

Back in the car, Dave boasts about “riding slow” in his Prius with its silent engine in electric mode and “all leather, tinted windows (you can’t see us!).”

As he looks for parking, tensions rise. A perfect opportunity presents itself — we’ve all been there — he drives up right as someone is pulling out of a space, but then, out of nowhere another car drives up and tries to snipe his spot! To make matters worse, that other car is driving the wrong way.

It’s unclear who wins the standoff, but Dave ultimately makes it in the store and starts going down his list of “organic chicken, kale salad and a lemon twist.”

While he searches for a “decent Pinot Noir for under 20” he encounters a girl in yoga pants who throws him a dirty look, but his organic shopping woes don’t end there: the cheese counter is out of Humboldt fog! The news finds him at an unfortunate time, as he is still recovering from when the store stopped carrying medicinal tea Kombucha.

And as if the confrontations with Yoga Girl and Cheese Counter Guy weren’t enough, there’s a “fool on his iPhone talking to his friends/trying to pick up some cayenne pepper for his master cleanse,” standing right in front of the quinoa!

He rounds out his trip in the express lane for checkout, which is moving “hella slow.” The guy can’t catch a break — he’s just trying to pay his “80 bucks for 6 things and get the heck out!”

Finally, with the last couple of choruses, we see a non-hybrid getting towed in the parking lot, a cameo by a woman in a Whole Foods apron, and Dave taking out his reusable “I <3 Veggies” bag before he closes the trunk on his Prius and on the video.

Now, let the records show that we have nothing against Whole Foods, but the humor in satire is in its nuggets of honesty. If you’ve ever been to a Whole Foods, try to tell us you didn’t relate to the video at least a little.