For a couple of years now I have been on the journey of healing from multiple injuries due to a bootcamp workout. During the process of healing I’ve had multiple surgeries, injections, medications and countless hours of physical therapy. This has been a painful, emotional & taxing journey with each step revealing more along the way.

From the start of my journey to healing I had many rules, orders, medications & suggestions to follow. In my stubbornness, I did my best to follow them but refused to ask for help along the way. I could do it. I’ve got this thing. All the while claiming I am healed in Jesus Name & having an attitude of I’ve got this on my own.Clearly, I wasn’t fully letting God in much less anyone else to assist me along the way.

Having the best of intentions, I decided I did not want to bother anyone with what I was walking through. I didn’t need help, this is just a little bump in the road. I’m pretty sure this is pride in reverse & God is not the center of walking thru this mess. The intent was right, but the way I carried it out wasn’t. I carried this thought process for well over a year, I have a stubborn streak to the core.

During this time I had 2 boots & 2 casts to heal 5 fractures, the muscles & tendons I separated. I’ve gone through 2 sets of crutches, a wheel chair and 2 surgeries. It’s shocking how much I made myself do while wearing casts & being on crutches. I drug that cast all over the place while standing on one leg. While in the boots I continued to do a modified workout.I refused to look weak or not be able to do something on my own. None of which being doctors orders by the way. It was my way of masking my wounds & not wanting to stop, take the time & focus on what was needed to heal.

The injuries to our heart are very similar,they hurt to our core & deep to the heart. We prefer to say things like I’m fine or it will be ok. In life when we are wounded by hurt, fear or rejection we can only cover it up for so long. The wounds will show up in places in our lives, relationships, jobs & family.

The wounds in our lives mean as much to God as the healed places in our hearts. God’s heart is, let’s take a look at this and go deeper.Let me in & heal the parts of your heart that have been broken & damaged.

After the bones & muscles healed I still had pain. This pain was a knife stabbing kind of pain in my heel. After what I had been through I did not want another doctor’s appointment. I did not want to be touched, looked at, tests ran or share my story with anyone. I was simply over it all, I wanted to be normal again. The problem was, I still needed to go deeper to find the root of the problem & pain.

Just like what the doctors wanted to do, God does in our lives. The pain had been masked by pain medications, so I couldn’t tell I was still injured. We often mask the wounds in our hearts with anger, insecurity, resentment, bitterness, or by cracking jokes often at the expense of others. God loves us too much to leave us wounded & broken.

My doctors followed the road of pain from my injury with all roads leading to the nerves in my back. I had many tests and the results led to a blown back with my sciatic nerve trapped. I was in so much pain and was so miserable.

Like the root was to my injury, so is the root to the wounds in our hearts. I had compensated so much that I’d strained muscles & over worked parts of my body. Hearts that are wounded overused, strained & compensate by using substances, people & exhaust all we have to give.

I began a 13 month painful treatment of epidural spinal injections & medications. This was an attempt to treat the problem instead of fixing the problem. Just like the doctors trying to treat a problem we also do with our hearts. We love to treat our wounds & mask them when they really need healed.

I had to make the choice to have back surgery and trust the surgeon. The surgeon had to go to the root of the problem. I knew it would be painful & I wouldn’t be able to do things on my own. I would cry and show emotions which I prefer not to do. However, I made the choice to no longer function at 60%, I wanted to be healed to 100%.

Often we choose not to look at the wounds in our hearts because it’s messy and we have zero control. God says, “I want to live in your heart.” He wants to heal your wounds, hurts & brokenness. Yes, it can be a messy & we will have emotions we prefer to hide that will come out. BUT GOD! But God will walk with us, live inside of us & hold our hearts in His hands. When we choose to let go we become free & healing can begin.

Just like we have to do with our hearts, I had to do with my recovery & healing. I wanted to be free of crutches and a wheel chair. I had to decide to trust the doctors & the process towards healing. When we let go physically of what is holding us back and begin to trust the process, our healing can begin & heal the battle wounds in our life.

A new journey can be so frightening and intimidating. As I step into being a homeschool mom while still balancing my work and Pastor’s wife, I look back to how I put off this commitment and journey for a year because of fear.

What if we lived our lives afraid of what might be? Or in my case, a fear of failing my children and loss of time to complete things I want and need to do. Being led by fear or insecurity will just lead to a life of regret and what if’s. For me, that is not something I am willing to live with in the least. PUSH!MOVE ON! COMMIT! LOOK FOR THE GOOD TO COME!

How do we do this in our lives? There are times we need to pull back and just get rid of the noise. Oh, how I love the tv off and total silence. Take some time to reflect, pray and the key to it all…listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. How do you know the voice of the Lord? Spend time with him and cut out a few things that keep your mind & heart full of noise. This alone will change things drastically in your life, and you will be able to hear the direction for your life.

Having a willing heart that wants to want to please the Lord and walk the walk he has prepared for you will drastially change things in our lives. I had to be wiling to listen, lay down my own ways & pursue what HE has for me. With this comes a grace to be able to do what you would not be able to in your own strength.

As we come upon the end of the week I am so surprised about the ease of stepping into being a homeschool mom. I still have to learn how to balance a bit, but the peace and joy as I teach the girl has been something I wasn’t prepared for while teaching. I thought it would be an ok God, I will do this because you said so. HA! That wouldn’t be God’s best now would it? Nope. He says if you listen to my voice I will direct your steps. He promises to not put anything on us that we can’t walk through, and that we will be graced to do along with His super on our natural.

So whatever it is that you are delaying,decided today to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Take time in your quite place to hear from Him then take the step. He will direct your path!

As I drove home from the gym this morning, I began to think about scars. How they look. How they heal. How did it get there in the first place. The Lord began to show me how scars relate to how He transforms our life.

Over 20 years ago I had a surgery that changed my life forever. A doctor made a mistake, which in turn caused me to have a total hysterectomy at age 19. I have a scar from one side to the other on my lower abdomen (along with others in the same area). These aren’t noticeable to others, however they are to me. They are reminder of a deep wound not only physically but emotionally. I don’t dwell on this, I have accepted it as part of my past.

I have experienced great disappointment of never physically being able to have children, and hurt from the trauma caused by the hand of someone I trusted (my doctor). What was an attempt to destroy life, turned into something that forever filled my life with great joy. Had I not had the hysterectomy, I may have never adopted my 2 daughters. What the enemy meant for bad, God turned into good. The scars of the past, are erased when I see them. They are my absolute joy.

This is how Jesus is when we accept Him into our hearts. The wounds and things of the past are healed. We may have the memories and thoughts which are the scars but we have a future in Him, which heals the broken hearted. I want to encourage you today that the scars of the past do not determine your future. They may take you in a different direction, BUT God will turn whatever was meant for bad into good.

The scars Jesus has in his side and hands, are the scars that reveal our future. Jesus took the most brutal beating that left him with scars of His past, but oh my goodness the promise of the future. Jesus knew that the wounds He took for us were to give us our destiny, a great future in Him. His scars from the nails in His hands, to the spear in His side are a reminder of Him being raised from the dead and the redemption for His people. Thank you Father that you heal the wounds of our past and have given us the promise of a great future through your only Son.

Recently I heard a pastor say, “be the best you, the person God created you to be.” If you think about that, it’s all He asks from us. Why is this such a hard task? Is it the media? A standard we place in our mind that we want to reach? Or is it ideological points of view that sets us up to fail before we even get started? What if we each just sought the Lord on how to be the very best we can be, and love who He created us to be.

We are all created with a unique purpose, with unique talents and abilities. No two of us are alike; even twins have their very own set of finger prints. As a pastor’s wife, I have learned this the hard way. I really look up to and watch those who really impact so many in ministry, I have quickly realized the trail I am called to blaze isn’t like my predecessors. They have their unique call and I have mine to forge, with the talents & abilities given to me by the Lord.

Growing up I never seemed to fit in the family I was raised in; I always felt I stuck out like a sore thumb. I grew up on a farm, a rather large farm at that, with every kind of animal you can think of running around our house. My grandmother had an enormous garden where we grew our veggies and canned to last through the winter. I have to say, I believe my work ethic came from this but nothing else. I never enjoyed one second of it, however my brother has carried on some of what he learned about canning. I always had a dream in my heart greater than I could see. I really struggled trying to “fit in”, from time to time being called, “the city girl” with zero idea of what that meant. I always had an ability to create and draw just about anything, but felt I was the odd one. The confusion of celebrating and growing in my strengths, ended up in an identity struggle and low self-esteem.

Over the years I have had many positions, different jobs & changed my major countless times in college. I have ALWAYS been drawn to the Lord, even in the middle of my mess I always had Him pulling at my heart. I always knew I wanted to help people, and have tried to do that throughout my life. Still, who am I called to be? What am I good at? How achieve the vision in my heart? How can I get there with the tools I have?

It starts with knowing before God created you, he decided what role he wanted you to play on earth. He planned exactly how he wanted you to serve him, and then he shaped you for those tasks. You are the way you are because you were made for a specific ministry and a specific purpose. No accidents here, all divine purpose and destiny.

The Bible says, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV). Our English word “poem” comes from this Greek word translated “workmanship.” You’re God’s handcrafted work of art. You’re not an assembly line product, mass-produced without thought. You’re a custom designed, one-of-a-kind, original masterpiece.

God deliberately shaped and formed you to serve him in a way that makes your ministry unique. He carefully mixed the DNA recipe that created you. David praised God for this incredible personal attention to detail God gave in designing each of us: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

This means nothing that happens in your life is insignificant. God uses all of it to mold you for your ministry to others and shape you for your service to him. God never wastes anything. He would not give you abilities, interests, talents, gifts, personality, and life experiences unless he intended to use them for his glory. God does want our very best. And He actually put some eternal thought into us before He made us. In Romans 12, Paul writes that God has graciously given each of us gifts. He has given us skills and abilities that are unique to us. I don’t know about you, but this is great news to me!

We should humbly seek to be great at what He’s made us for. Romans 12 4-5 says that we are all part of one body in Christ. The body doesn’t need the heart to be a mediocre heart. It needs the best heart it can have. Nor does it need bad hands or weak feet that can’t do what they’re intended to do. God can, and does, use us in our weakness, but we should also seek to be great stewards of the us God has made.

I found this on a website on how to be all God has created us to be, I believe it bares repeating:

Speak good things about yourself. Declare what God’s Word says about you. For example, say to yourself, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am made acceptable in the Beloved. God formed me with His own hand, He loves me, and God doesn’t make mistakes.” Speaking who God said I am over my life has radically changed me, I share this with folks daily.

Avoid comparing yourself to others. God must love variety, or all of us wouldn’t look so different. He has created each of us differently right down to our fingertips. We can look to certain people as good examples to follow, but even then, good traits if duplicated will manifest differently through our individual personalities.

Focus on your potential instead of your limitations. Refuse to concentrate on your weaknesses except in an effort to turn them into strengths. Keep your flaws in perspective. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as those without confidence, but they focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses.

Learn to cope with criticism. If you dare to be different, you’ll have to expect some criticism. Going along with the crowd when you know in your heart that God is leading you in a different direction is one of the reasons many don’t succeed at being themselves. You won’t be comfortable in your own skin if you go against your own convictions. This has been one of the greatest challenges I have faced, overcoming criticism. However, like Jesus encountering many critics we will as well if we oppose the things in the world.

Remember this: God will never anoint you to be anyone other than yourself. Let now be your time to go forward and be set free from the torments of comparing yourself with others and trying to be someone you’re not. God is proud of who He made you to be!Start today by being the best you He created you to be.

Scriptures to Encourage You

Psalm 119:73Your hands have made me, cunningly fashioned and established me; give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

Psalm 139:13-18For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].

Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.

Romans 5:5Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

Philippians 4:6-7Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, Who loved us and gave us everlasting consolation and encouragement and well-founded hope through [His] grace (unmerited favor), comfort and encourage your hearts and strengthen them [make them steadfast and keep them unswerving] in every good work and word.

Rather than saying “God, here is my problem,” we should put the problem into perspective by saying, “Problem, here is my God! Anonymous

We’ve all had to face adversity in our lives. It’s a time of hardship, affliction, recession, depression and otherwise unfortunate circumstances. If you are like me, you probably thought adversity would be a breeze after you sold out to Jesus.

Wow, was I ever wrong! In the beginning of my Christian walk, it seemed the more I obeyed God the more adversity came my way. I quickly discovered that I didn’t like adversity. I still don’t. I like peace. Like a severe storm, you can almost sense adversity coming…the calm before the storm. When the storm of adversity comes, it demands your total attention.

Adversity visits us all from time to time – and in many different ways. It can come disguised as marriage trouble, sickness, financial calamity, hardship from personal attacks, or even difficulty in the workplace and many other ways. Adversity is no respecter of persons. All of us will face it. The question is how will we respond to it.

There is a scripture in the Word of God that reveals, “If we give up in the day of adversity our strength will be small” (Proverbs 24:10). In this context, giving means to withdraw, let go, or to show yourself slack. Instead of pressing through of what is a time of growth, we shrink back because we prefer to not go through the opposition. This will stunt our growth, I personally prefer growth.

When adversity hits, most people have a tendency to look for a way of escape…shrink back and say it’s not worth it. The Lord is very specific in this verse, though. He makes it clear that withdrawing from adversity is not the way to go. He also makes it clear that if we back off from times of trouble we lack spiritual strength.

Let me tell you stepping into the call of God on your life, does in fact come with adversity. As I have began to fulfill the call of God on my life it seems there are plenty of times to shrink back, or grow through adversity. Folks think that being a leader is something so great and is so breezy easy. That couldn’t be further from the truth, to get to where God is taking you, there is always opposition you have to overcome. I have purposed in my heart, I will not give up, I will not give in. I will keep pressing forwarding, keep growing in Him, and love people. All the while knowing that in adversity I grow deep roots of strength.
Over the past few weeks I have seen several go through adversity and opposition. Cancer diagnosis, offense of a church member, illness, financial attack, a driving accident and so on. Some have grabbed ahold to the word of God and not given an inch. Others have taken to offense and left the place God put them to grow. The attack on finances has caused folks to stop giving instead of standing on faith continuing to give; knowing that God will not let them fall but is faithful. One friend had an accident and proclaimed the good news that God protected her, giving Him all the glory. One group shrank back another group grew deeper roots.

I have personally been walking through a mess. Both of my daughters had strep then I had it. Which turned into bronchitis and now into pneumonia. You name the symptom I have had it, and it’s not been pretty. As I thought about this adversity and my attitude through it, God has began to show me where I need growth & where I have grown. One area of growth, I have received help and have reached out, not trying to do this alone. The pride I had isn’t there in the area of thinking I have to “do it all”, and not receiving help. Did you know that people really do want to help? Letting yourself say, “I need help, now,” is huge. That’s a place of letting God work in your life and a step of surrendering.

Another area I have noticed is the desire to just watch as much bible teaching as I can. I watch and re watch my favorite teachers. The enemy didn’t win in shutting my spirit man down. I felt myself just get so sad the other day and lonely, Josh has been gone so much I almost wanted to throw a pity party for myself. Instead, I asked my friend Rachel to come and set with me (for goodness sake she only lives 5 minutes from me) and just talk for a few hours, that is HUGE for me. My spirit man grew a little bit bigger this week.

Now the areas I have seen I need to surrender to the Lord. I have really struggled with how others perceive me. I am a pastor’s wife and I haven’t been to a service in 2 Sunday’s. My girls were sick then I became even more sick. What will others think, and will they be upset with me? Seriously God is the only one I need to seek approval of, and now I see how I really need to give that to the Lord. I felt the same about my trainer, is he going to be upset with me because I can’t go to the gym? Not that I could do one workout without throwing up all over the place. Lastly joy, oh my how we let joy be stolen in the midst of adversity. I have had moments of just not wanting to talk, to upset, then crying and snappy. Let me tell you, I still tried to be joyful. However, how I felt would take over from time to time. This is an area the enemy will attack the most, trying to get us to be led by our feelings. By faith we have to surrender our feelings to the Lord and speak we are full of joy until we see the evidence of it in our life. This is possible and there is so much power in doing so.

When adversity hits, most people have a tendency to look for a way of escape.. Shrink back and say it’s not worth it. The Lord is very specific in the verse Proverbs 24:10. He makes it clear that withdrawing from adversity is not the way to go. He also makes it clear that if we back off from times of trouble we lack spiritual strength.

When adversity attacks, run to Jesus: When adversity attacks, the first thing you should do is run to Jesus. Don’t flake out, shut down, break rank or isolate yourself from those who can help you. Run to Jesus. Remember that Jesus is the Author and Finisher of your faith. He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus will not let you down. You can trust Him to get you through this turbulence. After you run to Jesus, check your heart. Go down your personal checklist and check yourself. If you have sinned, repent. If you violated the Word in any way, repent. Running to Jesus coupled with repentance should always be our first reaction to adversity.

One thing to help you overcome adversity – get back to church. God’s Word is very specific: don’t forsake the assembling of yourself together with other believers (Hebrews 4:9). Listen, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Isolation is not healthy. Find a good Bible-believing church where the power of changed lives is visible. Plug in and help that church fulfill its vision.

Adversity attacks everybody, but with your love for Jesus you can overcome it every time. Remember this, God causes all things to work together for good to those that love him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). That’s you! With Christ in your life you can make it through every sorrow, oppression, trouble and adversity.

Psalms 91:1,2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Have you ever thought about how touching water makes a ripple? Think about when you throw a stone into the water how it affects all the area around the point of contact. From the start of the first small ripple it grows into a large ripple. You can throw a small stone and make a huge impact with the ripple, I call this the ripple effect.

The ripple effect applies to how we respond and interact with one another. Take the cashier at Wal-Mart for instance. She can be having a horrible day, not friendly to you because of what she is dealing with, and it will effect your day. The ripple effect will be, you jumping in your car, driving aggressively and get a phone call and respond with an attitude to the caller. We will think how someone could have been so rude, and get offended over something that actually had nothing to do with us. The same is true if you get a phone call that someone wants to bless you with a gift, this will effect your entire day in a positive way. The ripple effect will be, because of someone’s action it created in you a positive response, which will in turn causes you to be kind to someone else.

This brings me to a story that happened while living in Chicago. Wow, that was a culture shock living in such a large city. Imagine everything you need within walking distance. People packing the streets busy about their day. Cars and their horns blazing. Sirens blaring and the yellow of cabs flashing by as you walk to your destination. Many people make these very streets their home. A place to lay their head and a place where they may find food to eat.

I will never forget the lives I passed daily who lived on the very street I walked to school every day. Do you think the passersby thought about the ripple effect? What about those who pass by and give no thought to the fact that these are lives, not just something to walk by as quick as possible. Ignoring these lives has a ripple effect, it says you are not important enough for me to stop by and say hi. Muchless ask if they have a need that could be met.

I daily passed by such a person when I would walk off of the “L” train. She would stand in the same place everyday not bothering anyone. She had a shopping cart with her full of things that we would throw away. On the cart were plastic bags tied to the side, of what I would assume were items she didn’t want to get wet. She has such a sweet presence about her. Everyday she would be singing and humming with such a joyful heart. She didn’t know that she was having a ripple effect on me.

As I made it home each day I would have her on my heart. God began to really speak to me about her . I felt in my heart I needed to reach out to her and bring her a hot meal. I really wanted to do something that would really make her happy. As I stepped off of the “L” train I approached her, this was the day to reach out. I said to her I had some chili on the stove and if she would give me 30 minutes I would make cornbread and bring her dinner. She said to me, “oh sweetie thank you so much but if I want to get a bed I have to be on time, thank you.” Oh gosh I felt like I had been gut punched. I knew the Lord had told me to feed her and to reach out. The following day I didn’t even say a word, I ran straight up ( took the elevator) I lived 15 stories up, put some chili in a bowl and ran right back down. She was gone. Oh how my heart hurt, I felt I was missing the Lord on this one.

The weekend rolls around, I look out my window and I see her in her usual spot. This morning I made bacon, eggs and biscuits. I pack her a nice meal up and take off down the stairs, as you can guess she was gone. At this point I gave up, I thought forget it, I tried. Isn’t it funny how we want to make sure things are “perfect” and “just right”? Often times God just wants us to make the step and let Him do the rest.One evening I make my way home, I see this joyful spirited women and I say to her,” stay right here, don’t go anywhere I will be right back.” I booked it up to my home, I had zero groceries at the time because I hadn’t had time to shop. I ran to my closet and found a pair of wool socks and new tennis shoes. I had noticed she had holes in hers. I grabbed saltine crackers and some more “whatever is in the pantry” and I grabbed my Bible, packed it all up in a box and ran down the stairs.She was still there, I was so excited to see her. I said to her, Jesus told me to bring you these and I want to give them to you. She looked at each thing, but much to my amazement was her response to the Bible. She grabbed me, hugged me better than I have ever been hugged before and started singing a worship song. She loved the Lord and could not believe she now had a Bible. She kissed me on the cheek and thanked me over and over. I told her, this was from the Lord. This still brings tears to my eyes today. I left her and never saw her again. She was never there to greet me with her singing as I got off the train. I never saw her pushing her cart around making her way to where she slept in the evenings. To this day I believe she was an angel of the Lord. The Bible says we will entertain angels and not even know.

What I thought was me doing a good deed and doing my best to listen to the Lord, turned into impacting me in a life changing way. She had a ripple effect on my life and I am sure on so many others. Today, this has set me on a course for helping those in need. To see the value in everyone. To take the time to talk with someone and make sure they know they matter. The one pebble of encountering one of the most beautiful people I have had the pleasure of meeting, created a ripple so large that it still reaches others.

As you go about your day, think about the impact you have on someone else. Something as simple as a kind voice tone and attitude can have a ripple effect to help change someone’s day. Next time you are at the check out counter, think about how many people the cashier sees a day and does anyone take the time to just talk and see how they are doing. When you go home to your spouse, take the time to notice one another. This list can go on and on. Jesus made a HUGE ripple when he went to the cross for us that is still making contact with lives every day. Jesus will lead you to someone if we will be open to listen and obey. Make a ripple today.

Knowing what it is like to feel unwanted has created in me a desire to make sure others know they are wanted-Oprah

When I heard Oprah say this statement while giving her story of how she overcame her past and has grown into who she is, rang a bell inside my heart. I have a deep care for those who have been “tossed away” by society, families and life in general. This care has really taken over in my life regarding pets. Oh my, I believe I could take in every unwanted animal and help rescue every abused animal out there. Anyone or thing being mistreated or tossed to the side breaks my heart and I have deep compassion.

As a child my father passed away at the age of 5 years old. My mother ran off around the age of 4 years old. You can tell by these 2 sentences what really affected me, the loss of my father first, then abandonment of my mother. This created a deep wound inside my heart, along with insecurities and fear. You don’t really know how deep a traumatic event effects a child until they develop as they age. I grew into someone who wanted to please and be everything to everyone at the cost of myself. I developed a fear of being left, unloved and would break off relationships (create rejection) before I would let others reject me. How unhealthy is it to have that in your heart? VERY!

I grew up where you didn’t talk about this kind of stuff, it just was what it was. I never understood why my dad died, I actually for a while thought he died on purpose, because something was wrong with me. I never knew why my mother ran off, or how to navigate through life having such a deep wound in my heart as a child. I always felt there was something wrong with me. I never really felt it was others, more from a place where I wasn’t good enough for others. I never believed I could make it, that I could make a difference or amount to anything. I felt unwanted, not loved and like I was just simply in the way. This kind of loss and rejection as a child, will set you on a course to a life of destruction if God has not been made the director of your life. Oh, did I make so many bad decisions. I am so thankful that God has redeemed me and used everything for His Glory and to help others!

Once I cried out to the Lord and He changed my life, I began to see how valuable I am and the value in others. God says, we are wonderfully made, we are made in His image and He has a future we have hoped for. The Lord says, that he came for those who need a savior (hello that us you and me), those who have been given up on, who’s lives are a mess. He is our deliverer. He came to heal the broken hearted. He is the Father to the fatherless. We are adopted into Christ. I can go on and on. Isn’t that good news? The Lord wants to make sure they know they are wanted and He created them to have a full and great life. Oprah didn’t come up with that, Jesus did.

What the devil meant for bad God turned to good in my life. I have gone from knowing I wasn’t wanted by my mother and feeling abandoned by both parents; to knowing I have a Father who has set me free from my past. I have been adopted into the family of the Lord, I have a HUGE family now that fellowships around the love of God. I have gone from being rejected to accepted. From feeling unloved to loved. From letting my past decide my future, to letting what Jesus did determine my future.

Growing up with this in my heart has given me a compassion and heart for the really wounded. To help those who do not know they are even seen. To use what had my heart broken, into helping others walk through healing in their hearts through the power of God’s word. Knowing what it is like to feel unwanted has created in me a desire to make sure others know they are wanted and loved. God wants us to know our past doesn’t determine our future, but our future can help others determine theirs. If you have a wounded heart make the decision today to call out to God, and ask Him to fill you with His love. If you have already walked through the healing power of Jesus, reach out to someone who is broken and share of His power in your life. Today could be THE day for you!

I have been thinking about fear, and how I was able to overcome living a complete life of fear. In my past, anxiety and panic attacks controlled me. I was afraid making one wrong move, letting the fear of not being loved because of decisions I made be the driving force of my life. Fear was the root, however the byproducts of fear are anxiety, depression, panic attacks and an eating disorder, I was paralyzed with fear. I would stay with the thoughts in my mind and let them grow into a deep fear inside my heart. This happened through traumatic events as a child not being dealt with, to situations as I grew older, broken relationships and more. I was created to be a person who just loves folks and I tend carry rejection in my heart. I hate to see people hurt or disappointed. I come from a place where I don’t understand why folks can’t just get along and love each other. The big kicker, I am a perfectionist to a fault. All of these characteristics can be used to really help others and benefit my life. However, these characteristics can also grow deep roots of fear that can try to stop living life to the fullest that God has for me.

Several years ago the fear in my life was confronted. I came face to face with Jesus that has forever changed my life. I had tried everything from counseling, medication and even treatment. Nothing worked, if anything it kept me in a numb place and kept the cycle going, even worsen. One thing I could never do was lay blame on someone else, that just never felt right in my heart, and caused me to have a hard time in “counseling”. Of course I felt that I couldn’t even do treatment/counseling right. The good news is Jesus doesn’t tell us to give the blame to others, he tells us we are overcomers and to forgive.

So, how did I over come fear and it’s cousins; anxiety, stress and worry. The main life changing moment was an encounter with God. He met me face to face, and I believe I cried every tear I had held in since I was 4 years old. A defining moment for me that I will never forget. I made a commitment in my heart to surrender to Him, dig my heels in and let Jesus get the junk out of my heart.

I grabbed ahold of the word of God and any good Bible teaching I could get my hands on. You couldn’t get my nose out of the Bible, I wanted to know everything God said about me and my future in Him. As we know, the enemy does not want this to happen. He knows that we will begin to share and others lives will be changed because of our testimony. So how do you combat that attacks of the enemy and still overcome all the fear and doubt? I am so glad you asked!

Let’s start with when we ask Jesus to transform our lives. The first thing that happens, we are given a new spirit. We have to dig into the word and find out what is this new spirit and what is the power that is now on the inside of us. The word says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of a sound (peaceful) mind. I meditated on that word until it became the way I walked in life. We have to keep our minds fixed on the word of God. Part of this means our faith needs filled everyday, make sure you give your spirit and faith something to feed on everyday.

The bible says be anxious for nothing (Phil 4:6-7). I meditated on this word and would say it out loud when I would feel anxiety. Another cousin of fear is worry. The bible says cast ALL your care on Him, for he cares for you. So the cares of this world, the little things that take up residence in our mind, God wants those. Make an effort when the thoughts come say, “Lord I give this to you, I can’t carry it but I know you will because you love me.” That’s acting on faith!

To wrap up fear and all of it’s cousins we will tie it all together with stress. This word is used so much in our everyday lives, we really need to get a handle on our mouths. If we can say, ” I am stressed.” Why can’t we say. “I am peaceful”. “I am full of joy.” I give all my cares to you Lord.” This isn’t popular and people think you are nuts, perhaps “they” are the one’s who are nuts, literally going nuts because they carry all this mess in their minds and hearts. Why do you think people drink alcohol to step out of their reality for a bit?

We can’t deal with fear naturally because it is a spiritual force. We have to deal with it through the word of God. Romans 10:17 says, “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” So, we need to feed our faith and starve our doubts and fears.

When faith rises up on the inside of you, the enemy knows he’s been defeated. If you can’t rise up, than get some crazy faith believing friends around you that will walk and believe with you. They can help hold you up. God can and will deliver you from all of your fears (Psalms 23:4)

Start today by taking His word and choose (it’s a choice) to believe and step out, you will reach your promised land just like Abraham did.

We live in a fast food, microwave society. If I can’t get it now or do it now then I don’t want it, and forget working hard for it. It’s amazing to look at photos from 50 years ago and see how hard society worked for what they had.

The world wants amazing benefits with no effort. We eat whatever we want for years,gain a bit of weight and don’t want to put forth the effort to get it off. We want diet pill or this and that workout machine to get the weight off quick. Instead of making healthy food choices and good ol hard core working out. We spend too much money on credit cards,it’s time to payoff the debt and we get new cards to pay off the debt. Instead of working to pay it off by setting aside extra, make choices to not go out to eat or buy items we don’t really need.

This same thinking has now creeped into the church. Everyone wants something for nothing. Either they want from the Pastor with zero commitment or just “fix it” for me. We want our kids taught at church and to “change”, but don’t even crack the Bible. Much less pray with our children at home. We want to be taught the Word, come to church and be radically changed. However, we don’t spend time with Lord and forget about reading our Bibles daily. We want options to attend and connect at church, but don’t reach out to anyone and get offended when no one “seems” to notice us. As Joyce Meyer says, “it’s all, what about me, what about me?”

Of course we are to live by the grace of God. However the word grace means, “the ability to do what you can’t do in your own strength.” God doesn’t empower us to set on it. He empowers us to go and to do what you have been called to do. He empowers us to over come in His strength not on someone elses strength or anointing. Often times when someone prays for you, it renews your strength to continue by standing on what He has promised and the word of God. The problem is we don’t know what to do, because we haven’t built ourselves up on the inside. Think of the word built, it means we have to be active in the building process. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. We are grown from faith to faith. You build your faith on the Word and you grow it by exercising your faith.

The Kingdom of God needs you, we aren’t meant to just ask Jesus into your heart and then set in the church and just get fed. What happens when you set and eat? You get fat. We are supposed to go and do, exercise what has been deposited in your heart. Otherwise wouldn’t He had just taken us up to heaven?

We have to press on, it doesn’t matter if you have tried 10 things and failed, you have to keep trying. Sometimes we step out ahead of God’s timing but that doesn’t mean we shrink back. We keep moving forward!

Thomas Edison failed over 2,000 experiments before he invented electricity. What if he would have given up or relied on someone else to do his work for him? I can see him now, just trying and trying to get it right. I can see him staying up late thinking to himself, ” I will get this, I just know it.”

That is how we need to be with the Lord, put all our trust in Him by growing in Him daily. We have to get rid of the fast food-microwave thinking, make the decision today to dig our heels in and start pressing in. Say to yourself, ” I can do this with the Lord.” Commit today to grow more and more in Him. Reach out to someone today and share what God has done for you. Come to church with your vessel full not empty so you can pour out onto others not always with a “fill me up attitude”. A car without gas will not run. Fill your tank with the word of God. You can do it, begin to live from the overflow that is in your heart!

I have heard of a lot of people in Christ who are offended and holding unforgiveness in their hearts. It seems those who have been created to walk in freedom and forgiveness are holding onto just about anything that they “believe” they are right about.

In the Gospel of Matthew verse 24 – the disciples asked Jesus as He was departing for Heaven “What will be the signs of your coming and of the end of the world?” And Jesus answered: Matt 24:10-13 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

WOW! This looks like how the world operates and this has also creeped it’s way into the church. This day has come. The Church has become offended. Members are offended by their Pastors, so they leave the church. Employees are offended by their employer, so they quit. Couples are offended in marriage, so they divorce citing irreconcilable differences. Children and Young Adults are offended, so they bring guns to school and shoot anyone in there way. We wake up with attitudes. Angry. Mad. Upset. Build sides. This has become your disposition.

The Dictionary defines offense as: a violation, transgression, to hurt or cause pain, to cause to fall into a sinful state.

The “spirit of offense” chokes off ordinary conversation. It chokes off benefit of the doubt. It chokes off forgiveness. It denies human imperfection, and expects a simple, loving person to be precise and mechanical while trying to express sincerity. It assumes the worst. It ignores the obvious intention and digs for something ugly. It allows common every day words to be misconstrued and implicated as the offender of rights. This is becoming one of the most vicious problem in our society today, and that it nourishes an attitude of dissatisfaction with life, especially for those who choose to carry it around like a badge of honor that reads, “Indignant, and rightfully so.” So easily offended and never seeing that the problem is within them, but most often they would rather place the blame on someone, anyone else, rather than accept responsibility and acknowledge that it is their choice to be offended.

An offense is Satan’s trap to hold you back from God’s blessings in your life.

Recognizing this spirit of offense and restraining it is the key to personal freedom that ultimately unlocks the ability to enjoy life and its simplest pleasures.

We have all had our feelings hurt at one time or another. We have all felt insulted by someone or felt like an injustice has been done to us. When our feelings are hurt or some other injustice perceived, we have to let it go, resolve it immediately, forgive and move on, otherwise; resentment begins to build, soon followed by indignation, hatred, and finally, seeking some form of revenge or restitution. What a trap. If we do not recognize offenses for what they are, not only can we have our joy stolen, but we also trap ourselves with our own lock and key.

Luke 17:1 Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!

The spirit of offense can affect us on a daily basis. We have to choose not to allow people, words, or actions to offend us. After a period of time, if you consistently build on benefit of the doubt, patience, understanding, and always allowing for human imperfection, you will begin to enjoy the people around you and even cherish their unique differences. Sometimes you may even find that you are amused at the very things that used to annoy you. I have learned that offenses that come often give us an opportunity to grow or regress. I prefer the growth!

We need to learn how to release it and move on with God.

Mat 5: 23-24 states, Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Jesus thinks so much about your relationships that He doesn’t even want your sacrifice until you mend your differences with your brother. He just wants the love of God to flow between His kids. Every morning I purpose in my heart not to carry offense,I always repent and hand anything over to the Lord where someone has hurt me or I may just be off with how I “feel” about a situation. One of the keys I live by , is always thinking about how Jesus was treated and then thinking about how small whatever I am walking through is, in comparison to what Jesus did for me.

Unforgiveness is an acid in the container it dwells in. It will destroy you from the inside.

Generally you will notice that people who constantly talk about their past probably have been badly hurt. They may have been in an abusive relationship, or had an abusive parent, or perhaps even been raped. Some may only have been hurt by a comment made against them – whatever it was – you have to let it go. Or, one of the greatest offenses that is actually small in it’s stature is that someone didn’t meet an expected need you have, which they probably didn’t even know about. Offense can literally kill you.

Forgiveness doesn’t make the person right – it sets you free.

Allowing offense to stay in your heart can stop your growth in Christ. Isn’t it time to let what your holding onto go, today? Make the decision this very moment to let go of anything you “think” you are right to hold onto.

Take any offense you may have had in your life and right now take it to the Lord – get on your knees and ask Him to forgive you for harboring this offense – and then PRAY for that person. Even if you think you are not holding un-forgiveness in your heart. Ask God to search your heart and purge you from unforgiveness Prayer will change how you feel about that person and cause you to love them with God’s love.