A Good Relationship Is Worth The Fight (Even When You Feel Defeated)

One of the biggest challenges I’ve discovered as a mom is when my child and I are not getting along. This battle takes on many forms. It can be when my child is two and is throwing temper tantrums, or when my child is 10 and is not doing their best in school. It can be when my child starts rolling his/her eyes at me, or the teen years when every conversation ends in an explosion. Whatever the age, it is not fun and you can start to feel defeated as a mom.

And sometimes, there’s a little voice in the back of ours brains telling us, “You just can’t get along with this child, you might as well give up, it’s impossible.”

Moms, I’m writing today to tell you to NEVER settle for a less than great relationship with your child. As moms, must keep moving forward even when it feels like the current of resistance is so strong, as if it will sweep us away… but don’t settle. Whatever you need to do to build a relationship with your child, keep doing it.

*That does not mean, however, that you need to allow your child to keep pitching fits, not study for their homework, explode all over you and treat you like a doormat. NO. It means, keep working “on” the relationship, keep fighting to motivate your child, understand your child and parent your child.

I ran into a situation just like this a few months ago. My youngest, Abby, is a very strong leader. I honestly think she will do whatever she puts her mind to doing and could go as far as being the President of the United States one day. She is that determined. But she’s also 18, and for those of you who are not in that stage of life yet, let me tell you, it can be a very fun time, but like every other stage of life it has it’s challenges. So… Abby and I kept butting heads, blowing up at one another until I finally said, “Let’s go talk to a counselor.”

Did I want to swallow my pride and sit in front of a counselor? Not really, but I did it because I love Abby and I want to fight for the kind of relationship that is healthy and good and loving.

I did not want to settle, telling myself, “she’s just 18, she will grow out of it.” Abby and I went, and honestly, I learned a lot about Abby and I think she learned a lot about me. Things are running so much smoother in the Stubbs household. I have a new understanding of my daughter that I didn’t know before.

Moms, don’t settle. Keep fighting FOR your child and don’t ever give up on the relationship. It’s worth it in the long run.
Love you all,

1 Comment

Angie
on November 8, 2017 at 7:31 pm

Are you living my life right now? For the past 10 years, my daughter and I have been basically best friends. So, I have been clear on boundaries of being Mother first, BF second. I command respect, mutual respect is a must, but also an understanding of each other’s perspectives on disappointment or anger. She said to me about a year ago when she discovered a popular Netflix show, “You know that we’re basically the Mom & daughter from Gilmore Girls, right? Only better.”

We’ve begun family counseling with a Christian-focused therapist. It’s been rough as many new factors have been added to influence her and unfortunately, family and God are what she claims to be her “beliefs” but her behaviors have not matched. I weep continuously as I see her continue to spiral downhill but I stand with Godly confidence knowing that she will prevail in the end. It’s the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Faith is all I have.