Gay Stuff : Are You Single?

It’s one of the simplest questions after “wheat or white bread?” but for some reason, some men have a problem answering with a yes or a no. I think it’s important to explain why I ask this question in the first place;

I was cruising A4A on a Sunday afternoon and I came across this hottie, who has everything a guy could want: nice cock , nice ass, likes to make out and he “can even be here in 10 minutes”. Great ! Except one thing is missing from his profile…is he single or in one of the many variations of a relationship?

Why is this important? Two things, for me, if I know a guy is single and we have great chemistry, I might want to chat him up again and see what could happen. Secondly, I don’t believe anyone can be in two places at once… and what happens if you two have great chemistry and want to see each other again? Do the rules of his relationship allow this to happen?

Most hookups happen without names being exchanged let alone relationship status but to those of us who are looking for a little more while out playing the field, this question is important. It doesn’t mean your dick wont get sucked but you might not be called back for another round.

What do you think? Is it important for you to know if the guy is single?

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There are 71 comments

Yes I do for it is only fair. Just because you may not care what your partner thinks, I think that it is only polite to up front and honest with anyone. If the other partner is willing then that is fine, but if they are not that says alot for them.

I think its important cuz if the other guy has a BF, that makes you the homewrecker… Even if you dont know hes taken! And ive been on the cheatee side of things and its just not good for the relationship in general, and puts you in a bad place. But for the cheater side, why be in a relationship if youre gunna whore around?!?? Imagine what that does to your BF…

I have been single for 6 years, I do not hook up regularly, and I have no problem saying yes I am single. I do not say it in a depressing tone, I accept it as a part of life. would I like a relationship, sure, but I will not hop into bed before I know your last name to be in one. Also, if I do not know someones relationship status and I find out that they are in a relationship, but still want to be with me…what is the chances of that person having no problem cheating on me in the future…

Basically….and the overwhelming percent of the time….gay and bi men want NSA time with another guy. That time probably averages about one hour. So what difference does it make if there is someone else in the background? Geesh…reality of it all!!!!!

It doesn’t matter to me, and I prefer a blank relationship status to that of a blatant lie. I suppose when I was younger and more idealistic, I wanted to know if someone was in a relationship out of respect for the relationship and, more to the point, the silent partner. But I’ve been lied to by guys on A4A and similar sites so many times that it doesn’t even matter to me any longer. I suppose I’ve moved past the potential of “falling for someone” and have learned to simply enjoy the moment, so whether they are single, dating, or even married means nothing to me unless it happens to mean something to them. My take: If they don’t bring it up, it is a non-issue.

every guy I have dated or been in a relationship with has cheated on me.I have watched couples cheat on each other right and left.A couple that lived next door to me when the one was out of town the other cheated with 5 different guys in one week.Very sad.Never understood open relationships as I don,t share my man.After all this I,m single and will stay that way as I no longer believe in love.I ask if someone is single when we meet,want the answer to my face.Later I have often found out that the guy had lied when he said he was single.Some guys will say they are single but do have a roommate again who later turns out to be his other half.T

I think it is very important to know if someone is single or not. By hiding your relationship status you are not giving the person your chatting with the opportunity to make up their mind as to if they want to be brought into that situation or not. I am single have been for quite sometime and I would hate to meet someone on here, start chatting and then find out that they’re in a relationship, it would be embarrassing and humiliating. So my personal opinion is guys be honest about your relationship status so us single guys can make a well informed decision.

To me you should define it as it also could show what kind of relationship you are looking for. To me i think it’s important, i am single and i am looking for someone else who is single for a relationship. Anyone who isn’t single isn’t someone i would go for as they are already in a relationship. Even in the NSA/fun/Casual meets thing. I still think it is important to define what your ‘status’ is, i wouldn’t want to be fooling around with someone who is married or in a relationship. If i was going to be fooling around with someone who has a ‘status’ other than single i would want to know what i was getting myself into. Perhaps to some people it doesn’t matter, that’s just their preference. To me you need to know someone’s name and status even if it’s just so you can say, yeah i’ve been with someone called Paul – he was married and hotter than the Paul who i was with who was single lol. I think to me if it’s NSA – you should still at least have a name and staus. If it’s for a relationship you have to have your status…. What do people think?

Yes, relationship status matters. I’m fine with hooking up with a guy in an open relationship, but I won’t hook up with guys who are sneaking behind their partner’s back… there is a difference to me.

I was in a ‘great chemistry’ online chatting relationship with a guy who was going to be visiting my area soon… then found out he had a partner who didn’t know he would hook up on his travels…. buh bye…

I think it matters. For the people involved and for the partner/spouse on the outside. For health reasons, for honesty reasons. If you don’t want to be in a relationship and screw around then do so. Don’t lie or cheat for the thrill of it or any of the hundreds of excuses given to justify your infidelity. You don’t love someone enough if you feel the need to step out on them. For an hour, without exchanging names, or because your spouse/ partner isn’t taing care of your needs. Get out of it and be single. Not a whore.

That’s the problem with us now, I understand sex is important yes, but I would like to think there’s more to a4a than just a random hook up. I mean if hook up with someone I better know your name and relationship status. I mean what if we share great chemistry? Kinda useless if you’re in a relationship now isn’t it. Also if I state I want a relationship I assume that means to be with one person. What the hell happened to coffee and a conversation!? Why is it always just NSA with people?

It is always best to be as honest as you can.I’m single but still don’t post it on the fact that it’s no one’s business. I don’t think we have to post to much of our personal lives for every one to see.

One thing that has hit me in “playing” in Man Land is the level of willingness to share. Over several years, I’ve befriended a number of good buds who play, some of whom are “partnered”. And a number of non-partnered guys. In the group, the partnered guys are careful about who else the invite to play depending upon what their understanding is with their partner. And the non-partnered guys share. Yes, share. Not that anyone keeps track, but from time to time we find out that this bud had quality time with that bud. And sometimes multiple good buds have quality time.

The bottom line is … if you are monogamous (or want to be) or if you multi-gamous … everyone involved better be playing by what “we” understand the rules to be. This is where sites like Adam4Adam allow you to chat in advance … or meet in advance … to discuss what the Rules of Engagement are.

Single, hook up fairly frequently. I play safe. not everyone does. if he’s lying or hiding about his relationship status i think lying about his HIV status isn’t all that far behind. And yes it is a big deal. all you LTR oriented hopeless romantics go all ‘red flag’ whether i say i’m single or when i say i’m not. single huh? what’s wrong with him? can’t commit? drug addict? alcoholic? and i average more than an hour. god if it takes me longer to get there than the time i spend there…why bother? besides rounds two and three are so much better. like knowing his name is so much better too. still not going to marry you though. ask. tell the truth. stop judging so much. its sex. its supposed to be fun.

I never used to care until recently.I mean A4A is a hookup site.Most of us are here for one reason.To lay or get laid.Which is all fine and good for me.Now that I’m single.I don’t have to worry about a partner or being closeted with a wife.My problem now and I know this is hypocritical,is that I can’t handle guys who are partnered or married and on the sly.I want sex when I want it but for guys who are in relationships there is so much maybe now,no maybe in an hour,sorry not tonight maybe tomorrow.I get all worked up over some hottie and then nothing ever happens.I’ve been stood up twice in one day by guys who were doing this on the side.And I used to be one of them so how can I bitch about the exact thing I used to do!!So for me for now I’d much rather know up front because for me a single guy will be more available and not have to hide or rush things.It just makes things easier.

I feel that is a completely fair question. I am now single, and would not knowingly have sex with a partnered man unless his partner was really ok with that and there are those relationships out there. I have been cheated on both physically and emotionally , by the way both are devastating .i have a good and kind heart and try never to do things I know would hurt the people I love. I think that’s what’s wrong with gay men today is they seem to have lost not only respect for them selves but for our gay brothers. Is hard enough to live as a gay man in the world today and at the very least we as gay men should be able to count on our own kind to have our backs not stab you in the back. As some one said further up the thread treat others as you want to be treated and life for all of us would be so much better.

Some of the comments about sex with strangers make a guy feel like the Church Lady. No interest in partnered, open relationship, or married guys, so yeah, SINGLE is important. I don’t do hookups or NSA. I got together with the last man I met through A4A three times, including twice at the gym and we kept our pants on. He’s a great ltr-oriented guy. So am I.

And this is why gays catch so many bad reps. We want rights to become married but yet think it’s ok to be with other people in relationships. Yes, Straight couples do it as well but they are considered “normal”. If we want people to take to community serious lets act more serious in the relationship department. This is just ridiculous guys.

It’s an absolute requirement as far as I’m concerned. Age of easy sex with no strings be damned. Some of us still like and want those strings at some point before growing older and those looks fade. And the chemistry at some point has to start somewhere. So it should be a no brainer that the other guy be single. You want to play outside your relationship, it’s much appreciated that you not try doing it on my time for those guys who like playing that crazy and potentially dangerous game. To share the sentiment of the guys who mentioned jealous boyfriends, some of them may of the frame of mind to seriously hurt you or maybe even kill you over messing with their man regardless if you know he was partnered or not. Hell I don’t even entertain guys in open relationships because I’m not trying to put myself in a potential spot to catch feelings for someone who can’t reciprocate giving me more than hot sex. Hot sex is great but there’s nothing hotter than having that long term companionship that ideally can come with the hot sex.

I’d want to know if a guy is single who I’m either meeting to chat or “hook-up”! It’s a good question to ask and know the answer to. But if I’ve learned one thing about this site it’s that not everything on someone’s profile is necessarily true! That’s why now most of the time before I go for just a random hook-up I prefer to meet the guy in public and then we can go play. There’s a lot of questions that remain to be unanswered from this site but I still use it!

If you think that having a nice cock, nice ass, liking to kiss and being able to be there in 10 minutes is “everything a guy could want” then you are a fucking clueless loser! Not only do I want to know if a guy is single or not but I want to know what he is looking for in life, what he does for a living and for fun, what kind of food he likes, what he likes for entertainment, if he likes the country or the city, is he into multiple partners or monogamy, what his sexual history is, what is his HIV status and how does he choose the guys he’s with and how careful is he and what his knowledge of HIV is and how it spreads, is he a top or bottom or vers and what he’s into in bed or wherever, Does he like to cuddle, is he romantic, is he kinky and how, where he is from and where he is going and where wants to be and why and how, does he like gardening or animals or farming or is he into sustainable living, is he into sci-fi and fantasy, would he relocate if we liked each other, what kind of car does he drive and is it paid for, what is his living situation and with whom, is he willing to text and/or talk on the phone and what is his number, and probably many more things I would talk about BEFORE having sex!!! If they aren’t interested in answering all these questions and they just want to fuck then they can just go FUCK THEMSELVES!!!

Yes it is important if your status says in a relationship or single. but lets face it anyone can lie on these questions. for one to just get a hook up, or two perhaps there relationship is going bad . you know when it is happening, and we want to beleive it . but do we beleive the question in your status. only you will know and will find out soon or later. so yes if your single then type the truth in . if not then put whats really going on . i wouldnt feel right about myself if i was interested in a guy and we meet and fireworks go off between us. then later down the road he is either married or in a relationship ! it hurts , and sticks with you makes u think why men can be like this. if there were more honest men out there i think we all would have a better luck in finding what we want in a man . so too me it is important what your status is !

It’s absolutely important to know. I don’t need a lot of information if I’ll I’m going to be doing is hooking up, but I refuse to be “the other woman”. It’s happened to me before and I don’t want to do that to someone else.

I don’t really care if the individual is on this site he’s looking wether his partner or a guy he’s seeing, if you asked him for a relationship and he said no, we who are single know who’s single or not single at least I know how you perform sexually with me if we have been together more than once, it’s just something about what you are able to do and other times he is not. No one could possibly be on this site looking to really find someone that they will spend the rest of their life with, if there is someone here thinking that way man, you have issues, no one forces onyone to do anything you do what you want. If he has a boyfriend than he has to deal with that not me, and as a rule I do not go to anyone’s home, my guys come to me.

Reading the comments above just depresses me. Honesty and integrity have been supplanted in what is becoming a totally ME oriented society. As long as I get what I want, who cares how it affects anyone else. I guess if you are hiring a hooker, the relationship status doesn’t matter. However if it is personal, I think honesty is always the best policy. Fully disclose and let the other guy make a decision based on the truth, the whole truth!

Yes, it’s something many want to know. I am NOT single (married to a woman) and open about it on here. I’m looking for a physical relationship only with a man. If a guy objects to a married man, he is aware of my status and won’t be looking to me. If that doesn’t bother him, fine. I myself have no objections to another man being married, partnered, or having a boyfriend, as long as the significant other is not an impediment to what he wants to accomplish with me (such as an overly jealous boyfriend who doesn’t know about the stepping out.) I’ve played with partners before where they are both cool with the arrangement. Just as I am open about my status, I would hope I know the status of the guy I’m chatting up, and whether I’m going to get in the middle of a mess.

YES! I want to know. A4A is just a hookup site BUT it could be more than that if the members had a little more class and honesty. If you just wanna hook up then be upfront about that. If you’re looking for more then say it but stop saying you want friends if you only have cock and ass picks posted. And for the love of god UPDATE YOUR PROFILES!!!! If you moved to a different state 3 years ago then update that info.

sex is supposed to be about connection– physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. the best sex encompasses all of these. if a guys is in a relationship, he’s connected elsewhere. if i can’t have it all, i don’t want any of it.

sex is also an act of hope. if he’s in a relationship, there is none.

i’ve had guys tell me, “my heart is taken, but the rest of my body is available.” what i tell them is ‘goodbye.’

oh, i forgot to add that the downside of hookup sites is that they remove context from the situation. there you are in the middle, with no beginning (the part where you can read for status clues) and no idea of what happens after you part.

it’s like going out for dinner and only having steak. no awesome blossom before, no baked potato and stewed cinnamon apples with, and no cheesecake afterward. you may get full, but what’s the point?

To Brad @ 21:54 Thank you so much for taking the time to remind us of the important things! I’ve only had 2 partners; both were approximately 1 year, and neither relationship was fulfilling or healthy (peppered with problems beyond my control). I’d have saved myself much heartache had your questions been addressed. So often though, even if their answers are true, there can be many dark issues about people that you don’t learn about til waaay into the relationship… So Brad, how does one, on A4A or in person, ask these questions right off…Is there a more subtle, yet quick method without getting right in their business? It’s tough to get that out men – everyone’s so damned private! Anyway thank you again, Brad!

I always wondered why guys that are single want every detail about me UPFRONT and guys that are partnered are ok with just having sex. Maybe because deep down the single guys dont realise that having a relationship is harder than you think. Its not like a straight relationship. And its not a fantasy world of gay flowers and pride parades. Its like a power struggle at times. So my partner lets have sex with other guys when he is tired. I let him have sex with other guys when I am tired. We have been living together for 7 years. We exchanged rings five years ago.

I think it is VERY important to be honest from the start about your relationship status. I AM single myself and I’m on here–as crazy as it sounds– to try and meet a guy with whom I have chemistry with. I have met some but they are in an ‘open relationship’ as he pointed out from the start. I appreciated his honesty, but I myself am not looking to be with a guy whether sexually or not who is in an ‘open relationship’. I want something substantial with only ONE guy. I’m not judging anybody do not get me wrong, but that isn’t really my cup of tea. Honesty is important and fro me so is being single and ready to mingle.

I’m in an open relationship and do state that on my profile. I believe the only reason someone should have to put their relationship status up on there profile is if they are looking to date. If you’re only looking to hook-up, it doesn’t matter at all. There are some who will only hook-up with single guys and are very clear about that. So what? Everyone has their own rules. Just say what you want and don’t try and change others.

Absolutely! Or it is to me anyway.I spent 10 years in a relationship that wasn’t gonna go anywhere, I knew it from the get go, but I did it anyway. I’ve had enough of my stupidity! If I’m interested in a guy then I wanna know there’s a potential there for more if the chemistry is there. If it’s not then no harm no foul.

Amen to BRAD @ 21:54. I still don’t know why EastvalleyORAL care who is single or not while hooking up with the dude that has everything looks/tastes yummy and could be there in 10 mins. Hooking alrite. For “more”, I have to think twice or “cum” twice. LMAO

Reading these comments makes me not want to be gay lol. There is so much bs out there. Looking around and hearing peeps’ thoughts on hook ups, relationships, hiv, and their expectations (or lack therof) makes me want to go back to women. They are crazy, but hell, thats better than this lmao.

yeah it should be filled out in a profile,not worse than a profile that is not filled out completely, tell me something about you so we know what’s up, but then again some don’t even read them,I don’t know how many someone has hit on me without reading mine..

It is not really important to me. Before hooking up there are questions that can be asked and this is one of them. I am not single and will answer the question honestly if asked. I don’t want to advertise the fact due to the negative opinions some people have. Relationships come in all flavours. My partner has a very low sex drive and generally doesn’t like touching or cuddling so it’s almost a sexless relationship. I however do have a high sex drive. I love my partner and we are family and get along very well regardless so I am not about to leave him. Given this, I find it very simplistic and judgmental when people paint all situations with the same brush and get moralistic. These same people are sometimes worse in their speech and projecting their personal feelings and experience on others. I don’t expect them to sleep with me, but please don’t judge me with your limited understanding.

If they are a true cheater they are going to lie anyway. Chatted and hooked up with one dude a few different times, last time I went over, he meets me outside with the BOYFRIEND who had shown up unexpectedly. Was in a relationship the entire time but told me he was single. Personally, the real monogamous guys aren’t even going to be on this site, so even if profile says single and they tell you they are single, may not be the truth.

You never know what to expect hen you meet someone on this site. I don’t believe anybody or anything until we meet in person and you become a real person. Even then I don’t really believe anything. most of the time people won’t even call you back or respond to a text but occasionally you get one that you like and want to see again. you see eachother a few more times and really start liking him as a person too as you start to see him for more than sex. then you find out he is positive and starts to mention his roomate a lot more frequently, then you notice the roomate’s things in his room and you remember the time he mentioned that his roomate is his ex. usually it wouldn’t have even gotten this far but now its too late. you spent too much time, caught too many feelings and then boom! the truth comes out, you wasted your time and now you are hurt all because you didn’t ask if he was single until way too late and he admits he and his roomate are gonna be together again. you get all mad sad and self destructive, lose hope in finding love and even blame your god or just loose your faith.

Not to mention, the roomate could have fucked me up by surprise in my ignorance. Now do you even want to remain friends with this person? I believe that nobody really meets on these sites expecting to see eachother again or with the intention of falling in love. but come on man, if you start seeing eachother like 10 times in 3 months and go away for a weekend on the beach together, and then spend valentines together having the best sex, then yeah! Its time to let the guy know about your boyfriend / roomate / whatever! Actually, you should have never even let it get as far as the beach resort OR valentines day.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. good luck and have fun and love eachother as you love yourselves

It is essential to me! But on the other hand whom can you trust? I dated a guy for six months and then found out I was the “other person”. How can someone pursue you in every way, say and do all the right things and it is all a lie in the end? I immediately demanded that he confess his sins to his original partner only for the sake of having them know the truth. (I would want to be told….) I was made out to be the bad guy and as far as I know they are still together. Moral of the story I am single and I will likely stay that way because of guys that don’t think it’s important to know ones relationship status and don’t care if they are a “home wrecker”. Trust is not easily come by anymore thanks to one selfish person! To his credit he did try to break up with me because he saw the collision course of discovery headed his direction, but he couldn’t leave well enough alone and he pursued me again. It was only a month later that I found out the truth. Karma is a bitch!!!

A guy like this is probably the guy who, if you asked him, why don’t you just go to a bathhouse? Would say, “Oh my god, no. They are dirty and the guys there are just there for sex..the probably have an STD and god knows how many guys they’ve been with that day!”

Really? And guys online are any different? Just because they put some copy on a profile page – that makes a difference?

To me, the minute you accept the fact that at a given time in your life, you want to just “get off” then don’t complicate it. If you CAN’T just have NSA encounters – then DON’T LOOK FOR THEM AND DON”T HAVE THEM!

I don’t understand how some guys try to apply “morals” to what’s clearly a hedonistic act.

I personally prefer a guy to be single, but not because I’m concerned about getting together with him again or the possibility of a love relationship developing between us. I just don’t wish to chance any drama that may erupt because of his having a partner, no matter if it’s an open relationship or not. I also despise people who cheat at anything.

I am single, very independent and self sufficient. I love being single and I am not afraid of dying alone lol! If something more seriously were to develop then fine, but my existence and happiness depend on me only, nobody else.

Sharing my self gained happiness with someone else, (not depending on them to provide it to me) is what true love is all about. If one needs someone else to make them happy then they are in for a bad relationship, which will likely not last and even if it does last it will only be because of codependency, not true love.

yes I agree I had a ltr then found he was partnerd and I was the other man after that I didn’t care the sex was great,and I knew it would end and did I’ve moved on but if he sends a msg yes i’ll be there in a flash