For the past two years, I've been depressed, though not diagnosed but I am positive that I do have depression. These dark thoughts have led me to harm myself and recently, I've delved into self-harm once more.

It seems almost as if it is a need to hurt myself. It's not dark and depressive thoughts which have led me to it though. Every night, I feel compelled to hurt myself for no reason and then after I've done it the depressive thoughts come rushing in. I always try to convince myself that it doesn't matter because I deserve it.

Other times, in which I am joyful and happy, one wrong word could lead me to a bad mood. I either become severely irritated, or severely depressed.

Ever since I was young, people have mocked me for being a "spaz" or "Bipolar" as I get angry or irritated fairly easily. And it didn't bother me too much, as I brushed it off as just kids being rude and bullying. Yet as I grow, my behavior has become quite apparent to me and how frequent my mood changes.

After thinking it over, I decided to finally question someone who may have experience with these kinds of things. And with a thought, that's been lingering in the back of my mind for years now, I ask, is this a symptom of being Bipolar?

I think labels matter, but matter more in the sense of how we think of ourselves. So your thoughts bounce back and forth from positive to negative. What does this really mean? Will a label of BP change or help you?

I have to share with you that I could have been given any number of negative labels if my thought life was known to others. Personally I believe we are affected by our thoughts, but that we are much more than our thoughts and experiences. AND more importantly, we can learn to stop the negative self-talk and we can change what we dwell on.

I am not saying it is easy or quick to change our thought life. But the kind of pressure that was on me from my emotionally damaged mother and significant losses in my life deeply damaged me, too. You are so not alone in it. I came to realize my life depended on me to face it or be self-destructive. I chose to accept the challenge and the struggle. You can choose this too.

There are so many books available out there, so much information, so much help to anyone that wants to change direction. Yes the suffering is real, but we can choose what to dwell on in our own minds. a dear friend told me that we cannot dwell on two things at once. and he is right.

We all have ups and downs. I personally don't believe that a BP label or any label would help you at all. I think you need to come to terms with the understanding that you just have not reached a balance in what you dwell on, and to practice turning negative thoughts into positive ones. Such as it's raining and my plans were changed...but now I can stay in and read a book that I wanted to get in to....do you see what I mean?

There are always going to be negatives. We can choose to come up with ways to change them into positives.