Soul Trainer

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by well living? It
might sound strange, but I definitely know that feeling. There are so many
moving parts and it’s hard to juggle them all.

Take the average person. You have work, chores, errands, and
normal life responsibilities. But then if you value wellness and self-care, you also
have meal prep and workouts to plan into your week. There’s also getting to bed
at a decent hour, doing your daily meditation, oh, and aren’t wealthy people
supposed to read at least one book a month? Then, if you want some semblance of
a social life and still make time for yourself…where’s the time to do
it all? There are only so many hours in a day.

Yeah, folks, I hate to say it, but the well life can
actually add to overwhelm. Well, our expectations for a perfect wellness
balance certainly can. Here’s the reality. It’s a constant juggling act. We can’t
do it all. We must prioritize based on our needs and make choices congruent
with those needs. But if you don’t give yourself permission to choose and
instead, pressure yourself to do it all, you can burnout from trying to do
wellness perfectly.

So listen, I give you permission today to make choices.
Maybe you eat out this week because you’d rather go to church and visit family then take 4 hours to get groceries and meal prep. Provided you still make good nutritional choices
it’s totally okay. Perhaps you take a week off from the gym if you have work
deadlines and need to get more sleep. I promise your muscle tone will not
diminish in a week. You get my point. It’s all important, but figure out what’s
essential. You figure it out by asking yourself: What do I truly need? Whatever
wisdom comes forth is the wellness plan you need for the moment. Whatever you do don't burn yourself out trying to do all the good things. Focus on the One who can help you discern your soul's needs and teach you how to live freely and lightly (Matthew 11:28-30, Message).

Friday, February 2, 2018

Not long ago I was hanging out with a friend who’s a relatively
new connection in my life. We’ve only been friends for a couple of years,
compared to the fifteen years plus of my usual circle. She had remarked that she
didn’t really like going out and meeting new people to which I replied, “I’m
new.” She responded with, “But you don’t feel new.” I knew what she meant and
it touched me. She was basically saying that our connection is genuine and
there’s no pretense. Whereas you might have to test the waters with new
acquaintances before revealing your true self, we didn’t really have to do
that. We just vibed.

I think it might have been the same week of that
conversation when I started hearing about different people’s struggles with
friendship. A couple of my clients and one of my coworkers shared the
difficulty of finding good friends. What fascinated me was that regardless of
relationship status, women still craved connections with other women. I think
it struck me so much because we are so conditioned to seek romantic love. Many
figure once they get it then it’ll complete you. It doesn’t. It’s beautiful and
it’s a gift to be cherished. It’s just one facet of love, however. The human
soul needs a village to satisfy the depth of our emotional need. Women in
particular seem to have a large emotional capacity to connect intimately and
passionately with family, friends, and the world around them. Imagine the pain
of having all that love to give and no safe places or trustworthy connections
to share it with.

I definitely feel blessed to have abundant friendship love
in my life now, but it wasn’t always like that. I’ve prayed countless times throughout my life,
“God, I just need a friend.” I’ve gone without because I’d prefer to be alone
than to force an inauthentic connection. I’ve also been very intentional about
seeking connections with beautiful souls because I value relationship so much.
Because of personal experience and periods of lack, I try to create the space
for others to find that sense of connection as well. This is why I’m starting
a monthly Sister Circle. It’s a discussion group for women where we'll come talk about life. I don’t think there are many spaces for women to show
up, let their hair down, and truly be seen. It’s exhausting having to pretend
all the time, or censor parts of yourself in order to be accepted. We all want
permission to be ourselves and have others love us just the way we are.

Is that something you’re missing? Is that the kind of
connection you crave? Then, come join us. I won’t necessarily promise you’ll find
your soul mate sister friends there. After all, there’s still a certain magic
and mystery that goes into any relationship. Chemistry can’t be forced. What I can promise
is that you’ll get great practice being the kind of love you want and meeting
others who are doing the same. From that, who knows…it could be the start of a
beautiful friendship.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Have you ever noticed how unhelpful, well-intentioned people
can be? Rather than just providing supportive listening, reflection of
your thoughts, and validation of your feelings, these people immediately try to problem solve. Sometimes I
have to remind myself that most people are not trained counselors. Like I said,
they probably mean well. But for the life of me, I can’t
recall a single time when I was carrying deep hurt in my soul that someone’s advice did anything to help matters. Especially not when
it’s been a persistent issue that’s resolution has been delayed.

It reminds me of a time in college when I was seeking a very
specific supernatural encounter with God. It seemed as though everyone else was
going to the next level (as I perceived it) and I wanted to draw closer too. Well,
I did and I was growing in Him. But for whatever reason, this specific
spiritual sign was not manifesting. At first, people were very encouraging and
they prayed for me. Then as time marched on with no spiritual sign those same
people (again, the well-meaning ones) implied that it wasn’t happening because I was afraid, I didn’t want to lose control, and I must not fully trust God. You can
imagine my devastation when I was at a young adult conference and God came in
the room and I wasn’t there. I’m serious. I stepped away to the restroom and when I came
back it was like the Holy Spirit visited the meeting to baptize everyone in His
presence and I missed it. I returned to my seat heartbroken and weeping because I felt
like He passed me by.

I recognize now there was no truth in that belief. It certainly
felt true at the time. Honestly, whenever anything delays, as the really big-ticket items of life often do, then it’s easy to struggle with those thoughts. Does God just not
want to give me this gift? What’s
wrong with me that my healing hasn’t
come? Is it my fault I can’t conceive? Am I just
unlovable and that’s why I’m single? It’s an
ugly shame spiral that only gets more momentum when people jump in with the
tips, strategies, and formulas that helped them. What’s
even more shameful is when those same advice-givers, perhaps in their inability
to explain and their need for a clear reason, blame the person who’s waiting. Well, if you just did X and not Y, you would’ve had Z by now. Ouch. In what world would that message
ever give help or healing to the one who hurts?

I’ll tell you what is helpful
though. Hope. Deferred hope makes a sick heart. But a storehouse of hope can empower you to face anything in life, even delays. The next time you hear someone struggling with
a desire or dream that’s been delayed ask yourself
this: If I choose to respond at all, is my response giving hope and life to
their situation, or criticism and judgment? We always have a choice in what we
speak. Speak life.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I have a little secret for you. This is the time of year
when gyms, health clubs, and personal trainers make the most bank. Perhaps that
part isn’t really a secret. But the secret is
the fact that they do so by playing on what you hate about yourself. I know it
sounds awful but it’s true. Sure, fitness
programs might be initially packaged as “health” and “self-care.” But eventually trainers show their hand when they reference
flat abs, burning fat, and building your booty. It works for marketing, but is
it good for mental health? Couldn’t there be a better way to
get active and learn to love yourself?

Why yes. I’m so glad you asked. It’s called body positive fitness. The basic premise of body
positive fitness is to practice a non-judgmental,
self-compassionate stance towards your body. It’s
about celebrating how it moves and performs, not merely what it looks like. It’s about challenging the checking, shaming, and comparing
that can happen during workouts. It’s
about learning the functional reasons for strengthening your body that have
zero to do with flat abs, juicy butts, or tone arms.

For instance, did you know a strong core is essential for
balance and stability? What about strong glutes and legs? Did you know the
lower body is the power house of your body and helps you walk, run, and propel
forward? And we can’t forget the upper body. It’s essential for tasks of daily living such as reaching,
pushing, pulling, and lifting. So, there are dozens of reasons to grow in
strength that have nothing to do with changing who you are or what you look
like.

If you are looking for an affirmative exercise experience,
one that truly inspires your fitness journey for the long haul, try body
positive fitness. How revolutionary would it be if you moved for the joy of
movement instead of the need to change or be different? It seems to me that a
body positive approach to wellness would have more staying power than just a trend,
fad, or desire to change. Don’t you think?

If you are interested in body positive personal training
and movement for mental health, contact me at gambrellwellness@gmail.com. I’d love to help you reach your health, fitness, and wellness
goals.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

It comes down to this question. It doesn’t matter how serious the issue. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve
suffered with it. It doesn’t matter how many false
starts or failed attempts you’ve had at addressing it. It
doesn’t matter who’s
supporting you or actively plotting against you. All wellness questions of life
come down to this: Do you want to be well?

I admit, it’s a challenging question. It’s confrontational and often upsets people and makes them defensive. That’s why I want to make crystal clear that I’m not the first person to ask it. Jesus did. In context, he
posed it to a man who had been disabled almost 40 years. John 5:6 tells us, “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been
in his condition for a long time, he asked him, Do you want to be well?” Shouldn’t the answer have been
obvious? You see me at the healing pool? You see my condition? Would you
want to be sick?

Yet, it is a fair question. There is no better BS detector
than the Lord Jesus. He has a knack for getting straight to the heart of the
matter. The reality is that some (read some, not all) deal with chronic issues because they don’t really want to be well. They get sympathy for the sick
role. They feel vindicated in their victimhood. They feel absolved from really
showing up and trying in life because of whatever label or diagnosis they’ve fused their identity with. I know, I know. It’s a tough pill to swallow. But this dose of truth might be
what finally heals you and set you free.

So, here we are kicking off the new year and I'm just as personally challenged
as you are to consider this question. Whether it’s
physical, emotional, or spiritual health you seek, the heart question that
precedes it all is this: Do you want to be well?

If you could benefit from an honest personal inventory about where you
are and your readiness for change, order your copy of “Vitals Check Workbook.” E-books
available for immediate download.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

It’s that time again. It’s time to wrap up this last week of
the year with a reflection post. As I reflect on the last twelve months, here
are several lessons that come to mind in no particular order.

Shooting your shot doesn’t
always work out

“Shoot your shot,” they say. “It’ll be great,” they say. Not
necessarily. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it basically means laying down
your pride and taking matters into your own hands. It’s usually reserved for
pursuing someone you are interested in. Well, I did that. I shared some
feelings with a friend that I had been holding in for a while and was met with
absolutely nothing. No response. Like not even crickets. Radio silence. So, you
know, that was awesome. We’ve spoken a few times since then, but it’s not the
same. It’s cool though. My take home from it all is to be brave and take a risk
rather than to seek any particular outcome. The outcome isn’t guaranteed. Who
cares if the normally poised me exposed her awkward inner 6th grader
with a botched free throw attempt? Emoji shrug. You win some, you lose some.

Sickness isn’t how you want to get abs

More on losing some, I’ve mentioned more than once that this
year I got the sickest I’d ever been. What started as a stomach bug from a
taco-themed fast food restaurant, turned into months of digestive upheaval. I
unintentionally lost about 20 pounds from the whole ordeal. So, while people
have been very complimentary of the weight loss, I only associate it with nausea
and misery. I would’ve much preferred to have a bit more body fat and be well,
then to be thin but feel sick every day for months. Thankfully, God is
restoring my health and things could’ve been much worse. But that was definitely
an all-consuming experience- an experience that made me do a major overhaul in
the self-care department.

Self-care really is survival

During the summer and fall of sickness, I was forced to make
serious self-care changes. I returned to therapy for myself to deal with all
the anxiety that emerged from the medical issues. I did a complete nutritional
overhaul to aid my healing. I took time off work for appointments and on the
days I felt bad. I figured clients would just assume I not get ill in front of
them. I mean, yes, there was definitely physical stuff going on. But I also
knew stress was worsening things. I had been burned out for years, but it was
not until my body starting breaking down that I got serious about change. That’s
why I decided to reduce my counseling hours and quit teaching fitness all
together. No more setting myself on fire to keep others warm. No more promoting
health and wellness in others and neglecting my own. Basically, I’m living by MJ’s
Man in the Mirror lyrics: “If you want to make the world a better place,
you better look at yourself and make that change.”

Make space for what you want

And in the vein of change, I think the best part of this
year has been really clarifying what I want. The past few years definitely led
to my burnout because I was trying to do everything. But now that I’ve
committed to my health and happiness, my vision is crystal clear. Teaching
fitness was fun for a while, but it was never my purpose. I’m a gifted
counselor, but that doesn’t mean I’m supposed to serve everyone in need. I can
do a handful of things well, but that does not mean I need to pursue all of
them in this particular season. I know now that to really operate in my unique
flow, I need to live authentically.

I guess that’s how I’d wrap up 2017 in a nutshell- learning
to live authentically. Authentic living has been an exciting pursuit. It’s not a
perfect life, by any means. As you read earlier, it can come with
flops and embarrassment at times. It can also come with uncomfortable
indications when you aren’t living authentically. But when you surrender to it,
when you fully commit to radical genuineness, emotional honesty, and
vulnerability, when you decide to switch directions when things don’t work for
you, and forge new paths when existing ones just won’t do…that, my
friend, is when life gets interesting. So, cheers 2017. It’s been awkward and amazing
and painful and purposeful all in one. I thank you for it all because you've brought me closer to the real me.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

I seem to reach this point every few months. I get fed up
with social media and want to unplug- at least from the platforms where I’m
overstimulated. I can always tell it’s time when I feel one of two ways: 1)
Annoyed because everyone seems to excessively post the same thing or 2)
Inferior because I feel like I don’t have anything meaningful to contribute, at
least compared to my network’s highlight real.

This week alone I’ve mentally edited about a dozen status
updates in my head: something amusing or anecdotal; maybe something
inspirational for #WellnessWednesday or #ThankfulThursday, because God-forbid I
miss a chance to use an alliterative hashtag. I even thought about a no point
selfie. Like truly no point. Just wanting the world to see my face to remind
everyone I’m still here. ‘Cause honestly, in a world where everyone’s shouting to
be seen, it’s easy to feel invisible. Does anyone really notice who posts or
not? Does anyone miss you when you’re gone?

Then there was an interesting line on TV last night. The
characters were in the music industry and they stopped recording to do a video
for social media. They remarked what a grind it is to always think about
posting online so their fans are happy and their brand stays relevant. I found
that to be so true to life. It’s not just celebrities and artists though. We all
have brands these days. Whether we have a business or not, we have an image
and we have to be mindful of what we communicate as well as how often we
communicate. But sometimes I wonder, how valuable is a brand (in the eyes of
others) that’s only gained a couple of hundred followers in four years.

Then there’s the global village dynamic of people sharing
the highs and lows of life. This is particularly on Facebook. In the last
couple of months, I’ve witnessed tragic deaths, sudden separations, and
whirlwind love affairs. This, of course, is on top of the usual litany of news
stories, enraged commentaries, and advertisements for products, goods, and
services. I don’t observe all this from a seat of judgment. I take part in it
all too- more so the advertising and self-promotion than the histrionics, but
still…Perhaps my network is tired of my content. Lord knows I get tired of
worrying about whether people appreciate it.

So yeah, when I get like this, feeling over it all, I know
it’s time to take a break. It’s not social media’s fault. It’s not even people’s
fault. No one is to blame. That’s why I take ownership of my wellness and occasionally
unplug to restore my balance. Usually, it doesn’t even require a long hiatus
for me to recharge. Maybe just a couple of days. But when I question if my work
matters and if I matter…when I check back too often to count likes and views
(even with this blog post) …when I’m tempted to post for no other reason than
to be seen, then it’s time to step back. It’s time to revisit my why. It’s time
to check out of the mountaintop of greatness in the virtual world and get
grounded and meaningfully connected in the real world. Remember when people
just lived ordinary lives and were content to do so? Today I want to throw it
back to that: privacy, low key living, and peace of mind. Good times.