You've found another great one! Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" will forever be changed, replacing the attack scene from "Apocalypse Now" in my memory banks. Ladies take note : Always pull the right 'rip chord'.

Nice Brian!!! I loved it! I love that the European countries seem to have much less issues with public nudity, whether on TV or live than the general USA population. A funny thing to note, is that the women sky divers did not actually sky dive. As according to the following picture link, what happens happens to women's breasts, and the human body in general while nude skydiving is much less attractive.

[QUOTE=Love_is;85644]Nice Brian!!! I loved it! I love that the European countries seem to have much less issues with public nudity, whether on TV or live than the general USA population. A funny thing to note, is that the women sky divers did not actually sky dive. As according to the following picture link, what happens happens to women's breasts, and the human body in general while nude skydiving is much less attractive.

I'm glad you liked the penis cartoon. Does anyone like to see home remodeling disasters from do-it-yourselfers? I have a bunch of funny pics. I used to build houses years ago...Some of my friends and I almost did as bad a job as some of these pics. We all laugh at them because it kinda reminds us of our own experiences.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her SovereignMajesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate any competentcandidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, wehereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown (God help you), will appoint aGovernor for America without the need for further elections. Congressand the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated nextyear to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the followingrules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You willbe amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour','favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'with out skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will bereplaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raiseyour vocabulary to acceptable levels.................(look up'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noisessuch as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form ofcommunication. There is no such thing as US English. We will letM*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell- checker will beadjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and theelimination of - ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers andtherapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Gunsshould only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things outwithout suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not readyto shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anythingmore dangerous than a spoon. A permit will be required if you wish tocarry a spoon in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you willstart driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, youwill go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit ofconversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help youunderstand the British sense of humour (with a 'u').

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have beencalling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French friesare not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chipsare properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animalfat, and dressed not with "catsup" but with malt vinegar.....though the"in" folk use onion vinegar (yum yum)

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actuallybeer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred toas beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will bereferred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as in theirmind (clearly not the reality) they are pound for pound the greatestsporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They arealso part of The Great British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so thatall can be sold without risk of further confusion. Please be warned,drinking proper beer will cause you to fall over and become completelyincapable of coherent communication MUCH MUCH quicker than you currentlyexperience (and that is fast already)

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors asgood guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors toplay English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt Englishdialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin tohaving one's ears removed with a blunt cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind ofproper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, intime, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to Americanfootball, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty secondsor wearing full Kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). With muchpractise, in time you may even beat the Italians (sorry Scottish Brits)

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable tohost an event called the World Series for a game which is not playedoutside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is aworld beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learncricket, but wont be much cope at that for many years and may eventuallydraw against Scotland.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK and Marilyn. It's been driving usmad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty'sGovernment will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of allmonies due (backdated to 1776)..... we need funds currently to buildmore new roads, schools, hospitals...........oh yes, and Gordon Brownneeds to get himself out of the thick/clingy smelly stuff, or he wont bere-elected (oops, I forgot he wasn't elected in the first place)

From an American's point of view, here's a few a things I noticed in no particular order...

You for forgot to mention the proper English pronunciation for raspberry and basil.

If you truly hate Microsoft, you spell their name as such: Micro$oft.

Also, Mozilla will need to be notified to replace the English spell checker in Firefox to En-GB.

I'd actually welcome $10 per gallon gaso... I mean petrol prices here in the USA. It would really get everyone quickly thinking of ways to eliminate our addiction to fossil fuels, and hopefully onto green renewable sources of energy.

A permit will be required if you wish to carry a spoon in public.

So much for eating soup in a restaurant... LOL

All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

Half of that is already being implemented in my part of the US. Round abouts seem to be all the rage these days.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Now that's a double standard! You know darned well that Great Britain still uses non-metric measurements in addition to metric. Pint, stone, imperial gallons, etc., etc. LOL Besides, as I understand it, you folks haven't embraced the Euro yet. LOL To be honest though, I'd greatly appreciate moving to metric completely. Having a base ten measurement system is so much simpler in all manners. And NASA wouldn't have all those screw ups with sub-contractors not making the conversions from metric to whatever the hell we call our difficult to use and understand measurement system.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actuallybeer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred toas beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will bereferred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as in theirmind (clearly not the reality) they are pound for pound the greatestsporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They arealso part of The Great British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so thatall can be sold without risk of further confusion.

I'm with you on this one!!! :D But might I suggest an alternate name for other varieties of mass produced corporate American beer... Watered Down Horse Piss. LOL Thankfully just about all of the local microbreweries in my area make fantastic brews that can honestly be called real beer.

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noisessuch as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form ofcommunication.

Bless your heart! I can't stand that either! :D Although you've forgotten to add all the people that use profanity for the filler noise. Yuck! :P Profanity is meant to be used as an occasional exclamation, and a dirty way of describing something now and then. Not as filler noise every three words.

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

I think the only reason people celebrate it these days is because they get the day off from work with free fireworks shows that simulates explosions and destruction. (Idiocracy anyone?). Take away the day off, and there won't be too much celebration. :D

It is sometimes strange and funny the things one thinks about during an Anerosession. In a recent session I wondered how many men in the Universe might be experiencing an orgasm at any particular moment. The following calculations are based on arbitrary assumptions, but it was fun to play with. [CENTER]There are between 10 sextillion and 1 septillion stars (100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) in the Universe.If only One in a Million stars has a solar system (100,000,000,000,000,000); if only One in a Million solar systems has a planet capable of supporting life (100,000,000,000); if only One in a Million of those planets has intelligent life forms comparable to earth and it's population (100,000 x 3,300,000,000);if only One in a Million of those men is having an orgasm, then at any one time in the universe there are 330 million orgasms happening! That's a lot of orgasmic energy being generated in the Universe. I suspect those numbers are actually very low.[/CENTER]

I'm sure this classic scene from the movie "Road Trip" has been referenced in some other post on this Forum but I think it should also be referenced here. And for any of you who haven't seen this clip....well, enjoy your first "milking".

This video of the stand up comedian Paul Ash is amazingly funny and totally relevant to what we all talk about here in the forum. It starts out a bit slow, but stick with it because the jokes tie in with each other.

[QUOTE=Love_is;95572]This video of the stand up comedian Paul Ash is amazingly funny and totally relevant to what we all talk about here in the forum. It starts out a bit slow, but stick with it because the jokes tie in with each other.

[QUOTE=Badger;96724]Hey, I get a 403 - Forbidden notice when I click on this link. What's wrong? There's no other explanation on the page.

Site is only for those pure of mind & spirit :-[ :O

Possible malware situation: 403 indicates that the server requires a password or is looking for a 'familiar' ip address -- as in those who have a subscription. I did try to just go into 'stagevu and did a search for < 112695 >. Linux care up with a security warning so I gave up. Haven't backed up this computer in several days, got a full plate today and no time to play with something ugly.

These guys are hilarious Voyager! LOL Thanks for posting this. I first heard about these folks many years ago through an HBO show. I think it was "Real Sex". And yes your work around does work. You can also get some shorter clips of what these two fellows do on their web site in the videos section.~ PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS ~

[QUOTE=Love_is;96779]These guys are hilarious Voyager! LOL Thanks for posting this. I first heard about these folks many years ago through an HBO show. I think it was "Real Sex". And yes your work around does work. You can also get some shorter clips of what these two fellows do on their web site in the videos section.~ PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS ~

Love_is, Voyager,

Brilliant! The F-spot would never be complete without a link to Puppetry of the Penis....nice!

Thanks again Voyager for the link/work-around (Worked for me too!!), and Love_is for their website!!

Having said many times (to her and here) to mrs. a that I am her most willing Finger Puppet of the Prostate, my fevered imagination has conjuring up scenes and shows for Aneros Ecstatic Male Chorus!! All of course fitted for these new Puppetry of the Prostate scenes with the Wireless Remote Control model VIce III models with vibes that can be varied like a Theramin, by whomever is given the wireless remote......!!!

Thanks again Voyager for the link/work-around (Worked for me too!!), and Love_is for their website!!

Having said many times (to her and here) to mrs. a that I am her most willing Finger Puppet of the Prostate, my fevered imagination has conjuring up scenes and shows for Aneros Ecstatic Male Chorus!! All of course fitted for these new Puppetry of the Prostate scenes with the Wireless Remote Control model VIce III models with vibes that can be varied like a Theramin, by whomever is given the wireless remote......!!!

all the best inyouendoh! and good humour always all

artform

PUPPETRY OF THE PROSTATE....!!!! Whaahahahaaaaaaaaaa! BRILLIANT! My mind is running in all directions with this one. Artform, you've out done yourself!