You know, I meant to post a hell of a lot more in this last week but instead I’ve been wasting my time watching the Olympics. It’s a rare thing, me watching sport, but I make a concession for the Olympics. You get to see obscure sports, the women are given equal time and – best of all – there’s just so many gorgeous bodies to ogle, most of them clad in form-fitting lycra.

One of the best places to spot penises has been in the rowing, as the above clip from Roy and HG at the Sydney Olympics shows. The boys and their lunchboxes are well and truly on display at the medal ceremonies, especially since they don’t get given their “modesty flowers” until the photographers have had their fill.

This is a recurring problem with rowers. The spandex doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination and there are many unflattering awards dock photos out there. I haven’t heard of any erections occurring on the podium… For the sake of my parents I will not comment on the actual measurements in question, but I do appreciate the time and effort John Cook put in to analyzing my package… If I did have [a boner] you can bet I would’ve tried harder to cover it up with the flowers.

To be honest, it’s rather refreshing having the big-name internet media musing about cocks, I wish they did it more often.

The Americans aren’t the only one showing off their goods. Other teams have been feeling proud about their achievements as well:

And it’s not just the rowers who have been thrilling us with their equipment. This photo of the Polish cycling team in all their glory has been doing the rounds for a while.

It’s an optical illusion. If you look really hard you’ll see that they’re not wearing matching helmets.

But honestly, who designed that uniform? What’s more, cycling knicks are supposed to have a bit more padding in the downstairs department. Although that doesn’t always save your dignity, as this photo of the Australian 2012 cycling team shows:

Men’s diving is good for perving because it involves the smallest pairs of Speedos they can get their hands on, preferably worn at the pube line:

I could easily fill the blog with hundreds of men’s diving images (and men’s gymnastics) but you’re probably best served by just going to Google Images – male divers really are just beautiful to look at. Or you can check out this blog post: Olympics or Gay Porn? (A pity they conclude that only men would be ogling such lovely male bodies).

Then there’s the guaranteed penis sightings that you get during the track and field. This popped up in my Facebook stream yesterday:

It’s Portugal’s triple-jumper Nelson Evora. At first the pic seems photoshopped but then I did a Google Images search and found this blog which admires his “bulge”. And this video:

So it seems Nelson is winning the medal for Best Penis In Lycra competition so far. Although he’s got strong competition from Sweden’s Bjorn Barrefors:

The bulge brought back memories of Australian runner Matt Shirvington and his unforgettable bouncing package. Check out the video:

Do a Google search on “Matt Shirvington” and the search engine fills in the rest of the sentence for you: “Matt Shirvington bounce”, “Matt Shirvington package”, “Matt Shirvington lunchbox”, “Matt Shirvington balls”. The video on Youtube also leads to lots of other bouncy athletic fun like Chris Lambert Bouncing:

And then there’s the sheer hypnotic quality of Asafa Powell’s Bouncing Package: