Jim Rice Presents: Your Kentucky Derby Primer

See, you got these horses. And a horse that can run, that’s what he’s gonna do. He’s gonna run. If you’re gonna bet on the Kentucky Derby, here’s what you need to know: Find the horse that’s gonna run. Now a horse that knows how to run, he’s just gonna run, no matter what. Doesn’t matter about the little guy riding him or how many times he hits him with that stick. If a horse can run, he’s gonna run. And the one that runs, he’s gonna win every time. Now it ain’t the most masculine sport in the world. Everyone on those horses looks like Davy Jones and the guys are drinkin‘ mint juleps, for chrissakes. But if you want to win some money, go with a horse that runs. Because he’s gonna win. And someday, if people remember what that horse did on the track instead of, say, whether or not his jockey was nice to the press, well that horse might just find himself in the Horse Hall of Fame. Or, possibly, your kid’s glue stick.