it's morning in america

Alaska Supreme Court: Joe Miller Is a Huge Loser

Break out your advent calendar and enjoy a delicious chocolate-covered Alaska Supreme Court ruling which states there “are no remaining issues raised by Miller that prevent this election from being certified.” Yay! Blow it out yer butt, Joe Miller, you hairy fraud. Joe will have two days to file “additional complaints,” but it’s unclear what he could possibly complain about at this point, since his dumb whining about “illegal voter intent” has officially been struck down. Maybe Joe Miller can argue that the Alaska Supreme Court is unconstitutional, because Sarah Palin never endorsed it on Twitter? Maybe! Thanks for the laughs, Joe. And please stay out of the news forever. [WP]

“WTF is the acronym for the newly formed WikiLeaks Task Force, a project launched by the CIA to determine how the leak of hundreds of thousands of cables and files will affect intelligence operations.” There is simply nothing more to add. [Fox News]

A harmless seventeen-year-old Pakistani who lost both his legs in a horrible Predator drone attack is suing the United States for blowing his legs off with death robots for no reason whatsoever. [Seattle Times]

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

I've been ahead of the WikiLeaks Task Force for years. Hardly a day goes by that someone doesn't say to me, "Dude, WTF". Usually this is accompanied with some eye-rolling, which is how I expect people to react to the CIA's effort.

noodlesalad

Looking forward to the next episode of True North Mama Grizzly and her Cubzz when Uncle Joe shows up, gets hammered, and shoots out the windows of the old mill with a .22, bellowing about voter fraud and spellin'. Time to go a prospectin' for gold on the Fox River, Joe!

LocalGirlMakesGoo

And maybe she'll shoot him like she did that Alaska cow beast. For profit!

Badonkadonkette

On the domestic side, the DHS has started its own unit, the Assange Special Surveillance and Missions Unit for National Counterintelligence Help to Every Region.

LocalGirlMakesGoo

I thought the DoD just said it was going to phase out acronyms.

HistoriCat

Do you see an acronym used in that sentence? No – I didn't think so.

Negropolis

I feel a new Law & Order coming on. Law & Order: Assange SVU – Stockholm.

Something tells me we haven't heard the last of Joe "The Miller" Miller. Vermin like him are never easy to get rid of. He may have a new shtick next time, though, since the Bounty paper towel thing didn't work out. Any suggestions for him?

Monsieur_Grumpe

It is time for Miller to fade into obscurity or become a Fox News pundit. Unfortunately, it will probably be the latter.

He's going to try and catch on as Sarah's dopey sidekick. He'll be Sancho Panza to her Don Quixote, Doctor Watson to her Sherlock Holmes, Tonto to her Lone Ranger, Robin to her Batman, Chumley to her Tennessee Tuxedo.

This would go along with a very special episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska!: "The Lone Ranger & Tonto Fist in Healy Lake".

SorosBot

Jazzy Jeff to her Fresh Prince, Oats to her Hall, Garfunkel to her Simon, Ringo to her Rest of the Beatles.

Progressiveinga

Has ABC contacted him about next season's Dancing w/ the Has-Beens? Just look what that show did for The Hammer and The Tucker, The Hoff and Big B-Palin. No brainer, srsly.

SorosBot

The Hoff's own reality show lasted a full three episodes before it was canceled; going on that dancing show is just the ultimate ticket to renewed fame and fortune.

Progressiveinga

And The Hammer may be headed to The Slammer.

elviouslyqueer

Gay marrying Joe the Plumber, obvs.

neiltheblaze

He could always be the next Oxy-Clean spokes-beard.

JustPixelz

Palin's a kinda one-woman political death panel, isn't she? Sharron Angle, Christine O'Donnell, now Joe Miller. But we should thank her for putting the nail in McCain's coffin* back in '08.
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* metaphorically, though I'll bet she thought** about it literally.
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** assuming she thinks in the first place

CapeClod

I think she also backed Carley Fiorina and the big foreheaded lady from Ebay in California, two other huge losers.

Then Governmental Transition to Future Outsourcing, or GTFO to prevent future leaks.

Barbara_i

Looks like this ass clown is going to have to go back to his server job at the Wasilla Casa Kielbasa. Buh Bye, Joe and take that little gay boy in the picture with you.

chickensmack

speak for yourself. regarding that little "gay boy", I'd hit it.

(with a shovel, repeatedly)

Barbara_i

I'm just calling a spade a spade. Let's meet in the middle and you hit it with a spade or we could just pray that she runs into one of those ice road truckers and slides under the rig, tasting her own arterial spray.

chickensmack

oh Jesus, I think I just got a stiffie.

Barbara_i

If you want to lose that chubby REALLY fast just go to youtube and watch Rex Ryan's wife in their homemade foot fixation video. That shit needs more work than Mt Rushmore.

I've directed plays in theatre before. With that "director's eye," I am more critical of movies, and the choices that directors make when choosing contextual shots, or lighting schemes. For YouTube, I can walk away from that "criticism" pretty cleanly.

But for that video, all I could think of was his clammy-ass hand just making the camera slippery, every time she demurred to his "may I touch it?"

Barbara_i

I liked the way she had her feet outside the window like that. He should have approached her, assumed that her car broke down and offered to call a toe-truck. It would have to be a big one because her feet were HUGE! I thought it was Brett Farve there for a minute.

mavenmaven

Now that this teen is suing the USA, he's an enemy combatant and can be properly killed. I would bet Fox will make this argument.

Sean Connery was always my favorite Bond. Though Daniel Craig is right up there.

TanzbodenKoenig

For more on the political circusblog-whoring and douchebaggery, check out…

There, fixed that for you!

HempDogbane

Isn't that person in the photo next to Miller the actress who played the youngest sister on Petticoat Junction?

"After Steve and Betty Jo married, they set up housekeeping in a cottage near the tracks between Hooterville and Pixley. A baby was added the following season. They moved back to the Shady Rest Hotel in the final year of production." (Wikipedia)

nicnack74

If we've learned anything from Republican candidates, the age of Fox propoganda, and the Tea party is that this guy will not disappear. He will draaag his 15 minutes to a half hour and translate his bullshit into a book, merchandising, and a PAC. Then he will be a pundit and run again. I truly hate the media sausage.

HedonismBot

You said basically the same thing I did, but about a minute earlier and I didn't see it. Great minds think alike. That is to say, great minds think.

HedonismBot

If Sarah Palin taught us anything, it is that defeat only makes these teabagging fools stronger. So Joe Miller will soon be elected (or divinely appointed) emperor of the universe. If Sarah Palin taught us anything else, it's that he will probably quit halfway through his term.

RedneckMuslin

Only in a red state would it take a supreme court declaration to make people realize this joke was a loser. We, here, knew that the first time he opened his mouth.

V572625694

So the CIA has decided leaking of "cables" might be a problem, and immediately — only a few months after it happened — assembled a group which labored mightily, perhaps for weeks, to name itself something everyone in the entire English-speaking world would laugh at. Carry on, spies! Failure is not an option, although requesting more funding to continue this important work probably is item 2 on the agenda.

And regarding the picture: "veteran Joe Miller" has more experience at being Joe Miller than anyone else not named Joe Miller. This alone should have won the election.

x111e7thst

Clearly dumb Alaskan voters who wrote Leeza Meerkowski on their dumb Alaskan ballots were just making fun of the process, not attempting to indicate any sort of intent or preference. And this is why Joe the Miller wants Senators to be appointed, on Twitter, by Sarah Palin.

Ducksworthy

So what finally happened to Joe the Plumber? Did he get sucked down a toilet bowl somewhere? Or is he quiet and content now that his $250,000 income will not be taxed at the higher rate?

The CIA has launched many WTF operations. Back in the daze, they had us looking for VC submarines in the Mekong Delta where many of the hydra-like riverlettes were too shallow for successful snorkeling.

Anyone think Miller looks like Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic of Thunder”? Except for the added 8 inches, of course.

ttommyunger

Nice shot there: a loser-queefer and a quitting-grifter. Coverage like this makes me wish a pretty blonde somewhere in the Lower 48 would get herself killed or kidnapped.

DustBowlBlues

That FB update in support of Miller that Sarah had spent all morning preparing could have made all the difference. But then Miller pissed off Todd by saying Bible Spice was too stoopid to be president. So Milller has only his own, ungrateful self to blame.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Joe. Now go shave.

PublicLuxury

Hey Joe, This is what happens when you're an incompetent hack and have pissed anyone with any power in Alaska. Even the Todd, aka First Dude, hates you. Good luck finding a job, dingleballs.

BarackMyWorld

Will the WTF have an Office of Media Governance to keep their agents informed of regulations the government can enforce, or a Legal Office at Langley?

mumbly_joe

Completely OT, but apparently Rudy 9iu11iani and Tom Ridge and Mike Mukasey have decided it's not enough just to criticize the President while on foreign soil, during wartime (!!!), so now they've upped the ante by doing all of that, while also palling around with commie terrorists, in France.

(No, literally; they are a Marxist-Leninist terror organization, formerly affiliated with Saddam Hussein, and, btw, are also kinda cultish, by most reports.)

BarackMyWorld

The Americans – former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, former secretary of homeland security Tom Ridge, former White House homeland security adviser Frances Fragos Townsend and former attorney general Michael Mukasey – demanded that Obama instead take the controversial Mujaheddin-e Khalq (MEK) opposition group off the U.S. list of foreign terrorist organizations and incorporate it into efforts to overturn the mullah-led government in Tehran.

This is good news for John McCain.

SorosBot

Hey, they're fighting the Iranian leadership, which makes everything they do perfectly OK; just like fighting Commies meant it was OK for Ecuador's regime to slaughter nuns and children, or the Contras to smuggle cocaine to America's cities.