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10 Signs I Have Been Single For Awhile - AKA Secret Single Behavior

Thursday, March 16, 2017

I hate to admit it but I just don't think I ever want to live with someone again. I like the way I run the show and I just don't see how another grown human being would fit into it very well. Maybe they could, who knows, but why would I want to give up half my bathroom and half my closet? I have a crap ton of things I do that I am pretty much not interested in sharing or changing. Here are just a few.

My Bathroom - After my ex moved out it took me about 30 seconds to take over the entire double vanity. It looks like a combination of Sephora, Athleta and Old Navy exploded in there most days. And my hair... my long dark hair is everywhere. I would make more of an effort were another human sharing the space but meh... why? The tub is currently draped with sports bras, 4 tennis rackets, 1 pair of shoes, a can of Lacroix and a cookbook. Don't even care.

I Talk To Myself - Like all the time. This has only recently started to concern me as I feel Alexa is most likely listening to every word I say. I asked her if she was listening for the CIA and she just makes this weird noise and refuses to answer. Not kidding, try it. But seriously, whenever I think of something I just say it out loud. And the dog looks at me. And then I answer myself.

Repeat Clothing - I come home from work and I may just put on the exact same clothes I wore 3 nights in a row previously. No one saw me and my kids pay no attention. The funny thing is that occasionally some rando guy I'm talking to at the moment will ask "what are you wearing" and in my mind I'm always thinking "the same Fuck It Let's Drink t-shirt and ratty leggings I was wearing last night when you asked me".

Things I Eat - When I am Whole30/Paleo on point I tend to mix it up a bit more obviously but for those times when I get off track I basically live on some sort of cheese-bread/carb combination like 24/7. Cheese toast, grilled cheese, cheese quesadilla, naan w/ cheese, white pizza, mac and cheese... you get the idea. I can take fat ass to a whole new level when no one is looking. I like appetizers all day too. I usually have a box of something from Costco in the freezer for a quick dinner. Who remembers the movie Mermaids?

Things I Watch - I am a binge-watcher of horribly depressing bad TV. A Snapped marathon or weekend of 48 Hours Hard Evidence is the perfect background noise for my alone time when it's not music. I am fascinated by people killing other people and thinking they can get away with it. And there is just something about Keith Morrison's voice that puts me in a trance like state. I'm also a big fan of My 600 lb. Life and Hoarding: Buried Alive. My worst fear is ending up on any one of these shows. True story.

I Recycle Coffee - I am sure a lot of people will think this is gross and stupid but it comes from growing up with Depression Era parents. You don't throw shit away. If there is coffee left in the pot I nuke it and drink it about 80% of the time, or I make ice coffee. Even if it's old and been sitting out. For a day. Or 2. I'm still alive so obviously it's no biggie.

I Drink Too Much Wine - Isn't a bottle a serving? My glasses are big. Sue me. When I am super stressed I am sure the guys who pick up my recycling need a second set of earplugs.

I Leave The Pizza Out - Some people put it right in the fridge, I leave it out in the box until the next day. And then I eat it cold with my recycled coffee. College habits die hard.

Wearing Makeup - I pretty much wear some type of makeup all the time, even when no one is around and I have no plans to see anyone. I firmly believe you should get up every day and make yourself at least look like you won't scare people out in the world. It just makes me feel better, plus you never know when someone is going to stop by or call you and say "I have an emergency, get your ass to the bar"!

I Never Make The Bed Anymore - Well, virtually never, only when I put clean sheets on does it get truly "made". I am just lazy I guess and unless someone is coming over I don't really care. Even then I will likely just straighten it up and shove all of the books, magazines and remotes under the 47 pillows and call it done.

Shit..I didn't realize these should be secret habits. Maybe you will be just fine with another person living with you (if you want, of course!). Mark and I each have our own closets and we refuse to share. I had to beg him to let me stuff my (unwashed, full height) wedding gown into his closet because it's taller than mine!! We both literally wear the same pj's all week, drink all the wine, leave the pizza out, and talk to ourselves constantly. I think you're pretty normal, doll!!

Yes to everything, except the bed making. I have to do that, but I don't sweep or vacuum my hair up from the bathroom floor as often as I should. I figure I live alone and if a guy were to move in I might do a bit more, but not much more.

Haha this made me laugh. I am the same with drinking coffee. The other day I came downstairs after my husband had left for work and poured myself a cup of coffee. It was a little cold so I microwaved it and it was perfect. I noticed my husband's coffee thermos was on the counter so I texted him and said "You forgot your coffee," and he said, "No, I didn't make coffee this morning." So that meant I drank the coffee from the morning before. Ha! He was horrified but it didn't bother me a bit!