Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Day 4 - The Gift of Forgiveness

I loved the focus on forgiveness today!! Debbie put it so eloquently:

"It's bad enough that you have been hurt so deeply that you still remember the event for days, weeks, years, or decades, but then the kicker is that your grudges become your jailers, locking you into thought patterns, habits, and feelings that deny you your soul's expression." pg 106

Now, I have done a lot of work on forgiving people that have hurt me deeply. I freed myself from these events long ago because they were just too scathing to hold on to. What I didn't realize, is that I am holding a lotof relatively small grudges (the kind that causes you to make a sour face behind a person's back or sigh deeply).

When I was asked to list all my grudges, disappointments, and resentments (and how long I've held them), here are a few that surprised me:

1. grudge against Clara for peeing her bed (3months)

2. grudge against those who have critiqued my work (3years)

3. disappointment toward myself - that I have not traveled more, never been published... (7years)

What is the price I've paid to hang on to my grudges? Peace of mind, Creativity, Love, Intimacy, Energy, Confidence, Possibilities, Vitality....

Such a heavy price!!

It amazed me that I would be grudge my own kids! But the truth is I do it all the time! and the reason I know this to be absolutely true is that each new time Clara would pee in the bed, or Kaylem would forget his homework... I would become increasingly upset, nasty, resentful, even furious with them!! Not only am I punishing my kids but I am teaching them that they are unforgivable. WOW!

My favorite part of Day 4's cleanse came at the end when I was asked: If these experiences were designed to deliver you some wisdom or some gift, what would that be?

Here are the gifts I found in the three grudges I shared with you:

1. love and accept your children. When you forgive them for their mistakes they learn to forgive themselves

2. creativity is a gift I give to myself to be enjoyed, not a commodity

3. I must make my soul's desires a priority!

I really embraced the practice of forgiveness today - every time someone did something I didn't like (like merging super slowly onto the highway, or trying to run away from homework...) I forgave them immediately. It was very, very freeing!!