College campus police save students from threat of Firefly poster

Campus police at the University Of Wisconsin-Stout, a dark and slightly creamy university that pairs surprisingly well with chocolate, have once more secured the safety of their students by ripping down a theater professor’s Firefly poster, which threatened to murder everyone who looked at it. Or rather, as you can see in the image to the left there, captured Firefly star Nathan Fillion’s character in his typically tough-but-fair idiom, while also using the word “kill,” suggesting that theater professor James Miller was just waiting for the right opportunity to kill one of his students, just as soon as they were awake and in possession of both faces and guns.

After discerning that implicit threat, school police chief Lisa A. Walter tore down the poster while Miller was out somewhere, possibly killing people, and her actions resulted in this rather tense email exchange in which Walter declared that her decision was “appropriate and defensible,” in that “the wording on the poster can be interpreted as a threat by others and/or could cause those that view it to believe that you are willing/able to carry out actions similar to what is listed.”

Miller, as befitting a theater professor, responded with condemnations of Walter’s “fascistic manner,” decried the “card-carrying members of the NRA who are wearing sidearms and truncheons lecturing me about violence,” compared his poster to being no worse than other teachers hanging “a poster from Hamlet… or a news clipping about Hockey players that commit violent murder” (which, actually, would be kind of a warning sign), then signed off with “Pax vobiscum,” which is Latin for “I have now won the argument, because: Latin.” Things escalated even further when Miller hung another poster, this time decrying fascism. That poster has also since been removed, but only after it woke up the entire campus of Wisconsin sheeple to the oppression inherent in their educational system.

Actually, we jest, but Miller’s case—which has since brought him in contact with the university’s “threat assessment team,” who were probably super-busy working on their secret lair—actually has earned him the sympathy not only of former alumni who have threatened to withhold any future donations, but Fillion himself, who calls the incident “another example of ‘just relax.’” Sure, spoken like a guy who’s about to kill you in your face. [via Gawker]