“If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.” ~Marilyn Monroe

Women are complicated creatures. I confess that I often leave the company of some women bewildered and drained. Now, before I dig any deeper and labeled a misogynist; I want to explain a few vital stats that brought me to write this post. First thing you need to understand is that I was raised in a man’s world…literally. Drug-up {as he jokingly refers to it} by my father, a single dad from the time I was 3. Second, and this is equally important, I have been screwed by more women than men! I won’t get into the sordid details but I have had my share of failed platonic female relationships. And when I say failed, I typically mean spectacular, drama soaked, events with catastrophic results. With that said, I don’t believe that all women are born fork-tongued vixens; just a few bad apples who give women a bad name and frankly, it pisses me off. Some will see me writing this post as an act of treason in the highest order; a betrayal against the society of women. However; I will not profess allegiance to an illusion; membership into the sisterhood is not a right. Respect is earned and just because we have matching body parts doesn’t mean I must support fakes and manipulators.

When you consider I try to avoid drama and gossip, don’t watch reality TV, and find discussing make-up, hair styles, clothing trends, and babies boring, it’s easy to see how I’m automatically disqualified from most sewing circles. I curse, drink, and smoke. My favorite topics are sex, men, politics, and social issues. Other than a complete lack of interests in sports and a penis, I am, by normal behavioral standards, a man. Most of my dearest, long-term friends are men. It wasn’t until recently I have began to meet more women like me and most of them only through the internet {ladies, you know who you are…mwah}! But I have to be honest, previous relationship baggage leaves me weary of female companions. Sexual relationships aren’t the only manufacturers of baggage. My trunk-full of ashes from past feminine camaraderie and current personal drama, leaves me guarded around women. They can be the world’s most vicious and vindictive creatures, while wearing a charming smile. It would be quite impressive, if it weren’t so destructive and menacing. I often appear sympathetic to men when I write, because I actually feel for them! I don’t pity men, as though they were unintelligent, weak-minded souls, but I appreciate how difficult it must be trying to understand the opposite sex when constantly tossed curve balls

Women who give women a bad name are members of an elite club. I have met all residents of this sorority, in fact some charter members embody more than one of these characteristics {those women are my super faves *dripping sarcasm*}. The only thing left for me to do is to introduce you to the women who give women a bad name.

Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong – When you’re right, you’re still wrong

She wins every argument, dismisses every point of view, and disregards all fact! There is no room for discussion and differing opinions are not welcome. Even if you attempt to slam-dunk with evidence, the blowback for your insolence will be swift and painful. If Little Miss does eventually change her mind in accordance with your original thought, no use in gloating, for she will claim it as her own a still profess her self-righteousness and your stupidity.

Drama Queen- Sh*t disturber extraordinaire

Life is peaceful and content, with nothing but clear skies on the horizon. With the Drama Queen, it is merely the calm before HER next storm. These women are not satisfied with satisfaction. Peace and harmony are boring and only chaos feels like home. If there is nothing to complain about, they’ll create something. Be assured that something created is much more dangerous than anything based in reality. If shacked up or cozy with a Drama Queen you must be very good at battening hatches and running for cover!

I once got an intestinal virus. Without going into gruesome detail, let’s just say I was not myself! It lasted for nearly 2 months and was pretty uncomfortable. Good times! An acquaintance of mine discovered I was ill from a mutual friend. When I began to communicate my diagnosis, I was immediately interrupted with a monologue about the time she had the stomach flu. Her recounting included time of day and the fact that she had to have her carpool pull over in front of a neighborhood park where she had to ‘go’ in the bushes! Ummmm, that sucks. A little TMI, but hey, you win…so it’s all good! Whether it’s the best or the worst she’s it. All of life is a competition. My house is the best, my children are the greatest, my cold was the worst, you only do yoga…well, I run marathons, etc. She’s the gold medal winner and you know what, she can have it! If you keep company with a Queen Bee, you should be very comfortable with second place.

Attention Whore – Center of the Universe

The entire world is her stage. All men die for her, all conversation focuses on her; she is the beginning and end. If for some absurd reason there’s a brief moment she is not the focus, she will happily redirect the spotlight. It’s tough to be in the limelight, and she is more than willing to take the heat. When playing with an Attention Whore, be prepared to play a supporting role!

Martyr

Laying it all down, a modern day dragon-slayer that unabashedly risks it all for the greater good! Even when not asked, they offer help and support only to vent their own self sacrifice; “Oh, how I’ve suffered.” She’s overextended, overworked, underappreciated, and constantly challenged; however, it’s mostly at her own hand. “Do you realize my pain?” “Do you have any idea what I do?” “Do you know how hard I try?” No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me! The Martyr comes equipped with her own cross and her own prayer so there is no need to provide. If you tend to a martyr, you only need to be comfortable…on your knees!

Mean Girl – Passive Aggressive

I have saved the best for last! The Mean Girl appears innocent, drips pleasantries, and is the supreme overlord. Unless, your super-power is seeing through bullshit, this girl will OWN you. Without the proper counter-measures, she will seize complete control without you realizing it. A soft tone, a subtle comment, a gentle quip with a fake smile is all this darling needs to wrap the world around her finger. Exceptional Mean Girls gather a following of minions, who only see what they want to see; her influence can be intoxicating. “I’m fine” she says, “”If only”, she says. “Wouldn’t it be nice_.” she says. And the coup de grace, “Whatever you want.” She never says what she means, she speaks in an archaic foreign tongue that all around her must interpret OR else! These women are the most dangerous and spoil it for those of us who actually mean it when we say, “Whatever you want.” Armed with a forked tongue and a submissive demeanor, they wreak havoc; placing the blame on others when countered with resistance. “Why are you yelling at me?” “No need to get upset.” Don’t let the soothing tone, sweet face, or flaccid gaze fool you. When in a Mean Girls domicile, the only bitch, is you!

Great post, you're not betraying anyone! I take it a sign of high intelligence, when a woman can step away from other women at times and say "you're not nice". I always got on better with the guys, even at school. The female friends I have now are AWESOME. Real, honest, intelligent and feisty and they mean the world to me.
weezafish recently posted...ADD/ADHD and Ritalin: Time to Admit Mistakes

Thanks Weezafish! I think that it takes maturity and wisdom to realize that not all women embody the characteristics of those who've burned us. I'm pretty sure there were fabulous women around when I was younger also, but was too skeptical to give them a shot! Thanks for your comment :)
marrie recently posted...Women Who Give Women a Bad Name

No arguments here. I have been BLESSED with great female friendships, in real life and on the internet, but I've had my share of issues with them as well. I will never get angry at a woman for calling out other ladies. I've done it a ton! I've addressed the emotional vampires, the ones who always want advice but never take it, the crazy ones who scare good men, etc. It's time to raise the bar on the way women behave and the way we treat each other and the ONLY way that will ever happen is if we get real about our behavior with one another. Kudos, love. Great article.
According to Jewels recently posted...Lessons I Learned in College: Lacrosse Edition

WOWZA - WHOOZIE? - WHATSIT? Were you that girl who? Was that you who? lol - I think we were cut from the same cloth. I always say I have more testosterone than any other hormone. And now with orchids upon me, I definitely DO! LOL.
And anyone who behaves badly - especially that badly - has already displayed their wears for all to see. No betrayal is really possible.
There were a lot of bad apples there lady, and I can definitely relate! My mantra: Rise above, and move along now. No room in my life for anyone less than stellar... and you are one of 'em. xo
Ms. Cheevious recently posted...Just Ask Me

Funny. I have more guy friends as well. They're fun, you know what they mean... and they don't get all emotional... My favorite saying when my man and I are trying to decipher what just went on with some girlfriend... "Chicks, man..." lol
They are TOUGH. And I feel bad for guys too. Figuring out women and knowing what's real is like following a GPS as a deaf and blind person.. lol
Lisa Jey Davis recently posted...Get The Gringo & Then Some Sleep - EEDWLJ #64

Love this post. I generally like men much better than women for all the reasons you stated. So much less complicated and less mean-spirited. I work in a job dominated by women. It is hell. Way too much estrogen in one building is never a good thing. Thanks for having the courage to say it!

I've had almost the exact same experience where I grew up with all boy cousins and a brother so I was always more comfortable around guys. And yes, my bestie is a guy and, until recently, I only had guy friends. I'm even right there with you about not developing relationships with females until I started my online life. I'm so happy that I did get past my reservations about chick friends because I absolutely adore the ones I have now--some of which have turned into 3D friends, too.
Kxx
Kat recently posted...You Might Be a Dick If

Oh! This post so resonates for me! I've always been what my dad calls "a guy's girl". I can, and do, hang with the big boys. But, as I've matured, I've learned to let go of some of my pre-conceived notions about women (and to recognize those women that give women a bad name irrefutably), and now, I've become blessed with some of the best female friends I've ever had.
Jillian/ Dating Disasters and Delights recently posted...A Dissociative Dating Story

Good list Marrie. I've met them all and dated most in a past life. Generally speaking women, who carry the symptoms, don't know they have the problem.
And I'm going to say this, it's probably going to piss some women off, ladies…there's no such thing as a "guys girl". Just like there's no such thing as a 'girl's guy' (except if he's gay).
Now this is really going to piss some women off. If she finds herself hanging/liking/spending more time with guys than girls, and disguises it that she 'connects better with men' I'll bet anybody dollars to donuts she's one of the bad women you've just listed, more than likely the Attention Whore….or maybe she's gay.
That's all.
Kyle Bradford recently posted...Mass-marketed happiness and the end of marriage

Bravo Marrie!
I have dated all of these girls combined! However, even the best of girls can act like this from time to time. Men and women all have flaws and as long as these kinds of behavior are not demonstrated on a daily basis, it's all good!
Honestly, my favorite post from you! :)

I have met each and every one of those ... but I also think we've all touched on it as well (hang my head in shame) ... but seriously karma is only a bitch if you are!
Single Dating Diva recently posted...Why Personal Hygiene Is So Important When Dating

I agree with you. I'm more of a man's girl myself. I have an affinity to most men than I do women. That said, my best friend (apart from my husband) is a woman.
She's just like me - practical, up for a discussion, realises we can disagree and still actually like each other, not a scheming princess, not prone to tantrums. We both had particularly hard lives. We know what's real and what's pretence and frills.
Great post. I agree that some women give the rest of us a bad name. Not all of us are the same, guys! Take note of this post!
Anne @ relationships blog recently posted...Relationship Forum: Keep Him Hanging On

Nice post Marrie! Well.. there are girls who are really mean to same gender, especially when they thought that this girl can be more pretty and intelligent than them. Or has the potential to be the Prom Queen of their campus. That's the reason why I became "one of the boys" during high school.
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