Thursday, June 4, 2009

Bikers vs. Hippies! / Plus, Larryville's STD's! / Also, What To Do If You're Not Hip!

Readers, it's the first weekend in June, which for the past few years has meant that hordes of hippies from all fifty states have descended on Larryville's Wakarusa Festival for a weekend of camping, shitty jam bands, and illegal drugs. But that's no more. This weekend the festival rises anew (like some drug-addled phoenix) in Northwest Arkansas' Mulberry Mountain. And what does Larryville get instead? We get a "Kansas Harley Owners Group 2009 rally." Yes, the bikers are coming.

Chip: "It's really a shame the biker rally and the hippie festival couldn't overlap, because I'll bet these bikers would have killed a lot of those hippies."

Maybe not, Chip. According to yesterday's LJ-World, this seems a kinder, gentler bunch of bikers: "A long time ago, you got a bike to go visit the bars. These days, we have a lot of meetings that end up at ice cream shops. We realized we like ice cream" (LJ-World).

Richard: "It sounds like these particular bikers would have been happy holding hands with the hippies and sharing a waffle cone. My God, I wish Wakarusa were still here!"

With the help of Lawrence.com and other sources, we'll do our best to bring you some coverage of the Wakarusa Festival this weekend.

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A new report from the Kansas Health Institute reveals that Douglas County (home of Larryville) is the 27th healthiest of the state's 105 counties. Our main problem: binge drinking and sexually-transmitted diseases.

Chip: "Well, when you've got a college town with a veritable cornucopia of easy pussy, you're going to have some minor STD's passed around like a common cold. Some would say it's worth it. I mean, have you seen those Quinton's waitresses?"

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In our new feature, "What To Do If You're Not Hip," we strive to offer some weekend tips for those of you who might be boring, or perhaps saddled with a family and in need of a different kind of fun that doesn't involve freak-folk bands which begin their sets at 1:10 a.m.

A prime opportunity this weekend is just a short drive away: Old Shawnee Days! The annual festival, said to attract more than 100,000 vistors a year, will feature a concert by perpetual favorites Night Ranger (did you hear Cl.thier's nifty new cover of "Sister Christian" at last week's gig? He'll be in Shawnee!) as well as a performance by the World Champion Lumberjills, "an all-female lumberjack team that will compete in the power 'hot' saw race, ax throwing, Jill and Jill cross cut sawing, underhand chopping, chainsaw carving, and log rolling events" (LJ-World).

Richard: "Actually, I'll bet there will be a few hipsters taking in Old Shawnee Days. They'll be singing along ironically to Night Ranger and performing the Monty Python 'Lumberjack' song while the Lumberjills do their logrolling."