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Congratulasians go out to Motola, a Thai elephant who just took her first steps on a brand-new, permanent prosthetic leg!

Sadly, part of Motola’s leg and foot were taken in 1999 by a land mine, which exploded at a logging area near the Myanmar border where she was then working. Ten years later, through the efforts of the group, Friends of the Asian Elephant (Motola’s actual new leg was made by Human amputee organization the Prostheses Foundation), the 48-year-old girl is happy and walking again.

We try not to let it happen too often, but this story really warms our stone-cold hearts.

A court in Burma sentenced pro-democracy opposition leader and Nobel Peace Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi to an additional 18 months of house arrest (dialed down from a sentence of 3 years hard labor) earlier this week, for violating the terms of her original house arrest agreement. The violation occured when 53-year-old American John Yettaw swam uninvited across a lake to her villa, in attempt to “save” her from assassination–he has since been slapped with seven years of prison and hard labor for “breaching the rules of her house arrest and for violations of immigration law and local ordinances.”

Sadly, despite her lack of volition in the incident, Suu Kyi is still paying the price for Yettaw’s white knight moment.

We think the statement from President Obama says it best:

“The conviction and sentencing of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi today on charges related to an uninvited intrusion into her home violate universal principles of human rights, run counter to Burma’s commitments under the ASEAN charter, and demonstrate continued disregard for UN Security Council statements. I join the international community in calling for Aung San Suu Kyi’s immediate unconditional release.

Today’s unjust decision reminds us of the thousands of other political prisoners in Burma who, like Aung San Suu Kyi, have been denied their liberty because of their pursuit of a government that respects the will, rights, and aspirations of all Burmese citizens…”

“[Suu Kyi] should not have been tried and she should not have been convicted.”

…and we encourage the junta to take Sec. Clinton’s firm words to heart. Our advice to those assholes—don’t keep this bitch mad for long. Rest assured that she can and will fuck your shit up. And we certainly hope she does.

Happy 63rd birthday to Daw Aung San Suu Kyi! You have endured 12 years of unlawful house arrest, so we wish you freedom. Freedom for you and the Burmese people who, like you, are heroically surviving in spite of it all.

U.S. Navy vessels carrying tons of relief supplies for the suffering victims of last month’s Myanmar cyclone turned back around this week, without unloading their cargo. Although the United Nations has stated that a million survivors still don’t have adequate food or shelter, the ruling junta refuses to allow entry for fear that the Americans will bum rush the troubled country for its rich oil deposits.

And so the victims continue to suffer without the mobilized assistance.

We have to say, we’re more than embarrassed that our country’s pathetic reputation as oil hoarders makes for a plausible assumption that we’d do just about anything to get our hands on the grease.

Many of the world’s citizens are horrified at the achingly slow trickle of emergency aid being halted on its way to the hundreds of thousands of people left devastated in post-Cyclone Myanmar–a situation complicated by political roadblocks and lack of movement by local government. As helpless as many of us feel, it seems everybody is jumping at the chance to do something to help. The First Lady even felt compelled to speak out this week, criticizing the Burmese government for not properly warning the citizens of the oncoming disaster.*

Other public figures have stepped up to the plate to speak out and try to improve this dire situation, including influential and educated people like actors and reality TV stars.

For example: Kim Kardashian–noted academe and do-gooder–posted an informative piece on her blog yesterday:

The post originally included the PSA Kim and her two sisters (the big one and the midget) filmed pre-Cyclone for Fanista.com’s “Burma: It can’t Wait” campaign. She took the video down at 3pm today, saying that the piece was not yet cleared for distribution. Fortunately, somebody smarter than the Kardashians knew to pull the clip for YouTube:

All I can say is: WOW!

Now this is why it is so very important for celebutards to do their part when the world is in crisis!!

Thank Heaven for the Kardashians, despite their inability to pronounce words off of cue cards, despite their inability to seem any more engaged with existence than corpses on Lithium, despite their ability to really comprehend the vastness of Burma’s “political plight,” despite their rotund asses and pea brains! Thank Heaven for them!

*we do not have an official quote, but we have heard her paraphrased** as saying, “My husband Georgie told me just the other day: ‘Them there’s people aren’t black or nothin’, so we should care about their well bein’! We should tell ‘em when a storm’s a-comin’!'”**paraphrase excerpt submitted by Diana Disgrasian

What’s up, dude? How’ve you been? It’s been awhile since we last spoke, but rest assured that we’ve been thinking about you constantly and keeping tabs on your ass.

Not to be all up in your grill or anything, but what’s going on with you right now? Are you like, really busy, or preoccupied or whatever? We totally know you’ve got Olympics on the brain, but we feel like in the meantime you seem to be saying some weird shit and slacking on a lot of your really important duties. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from our years of knowing you intimately, one should never defect on their duties. Right?

“China urges the United States to take effective measures immediately to remove the terrible impact of its erroneous act, cease supporting and conniving with the separatist activities of the Tibet independence forces … and take concrete steps to protect China-U.S. relations.”

Geez, is that a threat? Dude, the Dalai Lama is our friend. He is the most peaceful bloke we know–we really respect him, and he gives us hope. We understand how complicated your relationship is right now, but please don’t put us in the middle of that–and please just don’t insult our friend. It’s sour and fucked up, it makes us really uncomfortable, and we’re simply not down with that shit.

Moving on, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but some really fucked-up shit has been happening under your nose. Do I need to spell them out for you? Okay, D-A-R-F-U-R and M-Y-A-N-M-A-R. Seriously, where the fuck are you?

“I don’t see nothin’!”

You are really the only country with the power to make any real impact in both of these situations, and we feel like you’re just sitting around with your thumb up your ass, thinking of different ways to make the place pretty for all of next year’s tourists. We don’t give a shih tzu about gold medals, dammit! We are sick and tired of this bullshit–namely genocide, oppression, and conflict!

Pay attention! It’s time for you to step up. If you don’t, it will severely hurt our feelings. We severely urge you to take effective measures in saving yourself from our disgrace, so we can be proud to look you in the eye again one day.

Even China, after cockblocking a UN Security Council call for sanctions yesterday, asked for “calm” and “restraint” from the Myanmar government today. As usual, China’s steppin’ up to the plate for the greater good of nobody humanity.

Meanwhile, earlier this morning, Myanmar soldiers raided several Buddhists monasteries and nine people were killed on the second day of the goverment’s crackdown.