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13 November 2012

And now for something completely the same old shit

I cant remember if Ive said this before, but Im gonna say it anyway. I dont give a crap.I appreciate a pretty Gal as much as the next Hetero Male. Sometimes I even go in for some racy type stuff ( keeping the comments PG for my Ladies sake) but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick and tired of the whole COSPLAY-Chiks. I

know a few who are actually pretty cool-and BIG Shocker, love and read Comics.So as in all things, they are the exception to the rule. Heres the statement I wanna make, based on THE RULE: "Hey! Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Girl, you are more pathetic than the REAL Nerds, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC. But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you are ever so average on an everyday basis. But you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to become almost completely Naked in public, and yer either skinny( Well, some or most of you, THINK you are ) or you have Big Boobies. Notice I didnt say GREAT Boobies? You are what I refer to as "CON-HOT". Well not by my estimation, but according to a LOT of average Comic Book Fans who either RARELY speak to, or NEVER speak to girls. Some Virgins, ALL unconfident when it comes to girls, and the ONE thing they all have in common? The are being preyed on by YOU. You have this really awful need for attention, for people to tell you your pretty, or Hot, and the thought of guys pleasuring themselves to the memory of you hanging on them with your glossy open lips, promising them the Moon and the Stars of pleasure, just makes your head vibrate. After many years of watching this shit go down every 3 seconds around or in front of my booth or table at ANY given Con in the country, I put this together. Well not just me. We are LEGION. And here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT COMICS, BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST MAINSTREAM CHARACTER WITH THE MOST REVEALING COSTUME EVER. And also, if ANY of these guys that you hang on tried to talk to you out of that Con? You wouldnt give them the fucking time of day. Shut up you damned liar, no you would not. Lying, Liar Face. Yer not Comics. Your just the thing that all the Comic Book, AND mainstream press flock to at Cons. And the real reason for the Con, and the damned costumes yer parading around in? That would be Comic Book Artists, and Comic Book Writers who make all that shit up.

I really was hoping we could move past this nonsense. I really was. Fandom and the cons have had more than enough of this misogynist crap, and the galloping gobshites who spout it. But clearly we are not fated to be so lucky. And so, since the author of the post seems to have some trouble expressing what he really means, here is a translation of the above tripe:

"I cant
remember if Ive said this before, but Im gonna say it anyway. I dont
give a crap".

Read: "Holy shirt am I drunk."

"I
appreciate a pretty Gal as much as the next Hetero Male."

This
is the misogynist's equivalent of "I have black
friends!"

"Sometimes I even go in for some racy type
stuff"

"HUURRR I LIKE TEH PORNS
HURRDEDURRDURR"

"( keeping the comments PG for my
Ladies sake)"

Because the wimmin folks need to be
pwotected from big stwong me and my wangwage. Sowwy for oo's widdle
ears burning!

"but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick
and tired of the whole COSPLAY-Chiks. I know a few who are actually
pretty cool-and BIG Shocker, love and read Comics."

Tokens,
in other words. Just the way you like 'em, right?"So as
in all things, they are the exception to the rule. Heres the
statement I wanna make, based on THE RULE:"

THE RULE THAT
I JUST MADE UP BECAUSE I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD AND EVERYONE MUST
DOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT I SAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

"Hey!
Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Girl,"

In my opinion, and you
can tell just looking at me that I know what's hot and what's not. You
can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to
talk!

"you are more pathetic than the REAL Nerds, who YOU
secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC."

"But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you
are ever so average on an everyday basis."

OH DEAR SWEET
LORD OF CUPCAKES NO THERE ARE AVERAGE PEOPLE AROUND MEEEEEE

"But
you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to become
almost completely Naked in public,"

Which don't get
me wrong, is awesome and everything, as long as I can shame you for
it at my leisure . . .

"and yer either skinny(
Well, some or most of you, THINK you are )"

HAY
LESS ALL STAND AROUND THE GURLS AND CHANT "FATTY FATTY FATT
FATT"

"or you have Big Boobies. Notice I didnt say
GREAT Boobies?"

Because your boobies must pass a
special test that I just made up, now place them here so I can
administer it because BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH
HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"You are what I refer to as
"CON-HOT". Well not by my estimation, but according to a
LOT of average Comic Book Fans who either RARELY speak to, or NEVER
speak to girls."

Because as long as I'm being an
offensive asshole, I might as well be one to everybody!

"Some
Virgins, ALL unconfident when it comes to girls, and the ONE thing
they all have in common? The are being preyed on by YOU."

Well,
actually, you're just trying to earn a living, they're actually being
preyed upon by the people who create and sell the characters you
dress up as, but hey what's a strawman argument between friends
amirite?

"You have this really awful need for
attention,"

Unlike the rest of us, who are just here to
put on "The Student Prince" . . .

"for
people to tell you your pretty, or Hot, and the thought of guys
pleasuring themselves to the memory of you hanging on them with your
glossy open lips, promising them the Moon and the Stars of pleasure,
just makes your head vibrate."

Because BOOBIES BOOBIES
BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"After many
years of watching this shit go down every 3 seconds around or in
front of my booth or table at ANY given Con in the country, I put
this together. Well not just me. We are LEGION."

AND
WE WILL POSSESS YOU no wait. WE WILL BE THE OOONNNNEEE, KIISSS YOU
SOOO HAAARRRDD ahh dammit I did it again. My bad.

"And
here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DONT
KNOW SHIT ABOUT COMICS,"

Hey, welcome to San Diego
Comic-Con! Need a press badge?

"BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE
IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST MAINSTREAM CHARACTER WITH
THE MOST REVEALING COSTUME EVER."

Which Greg Land has
NEVER, EVER done. EVER!

"And also, if ANY of these guys
that you hang on tried to talk to you out of that Con? You wouldnt
give them the fucking time of day."

And neither
would a lot of the girls they liked in junior high and high school,
which is where all this deep seated resentment and misogyny comes
from. Not that I would know ANYTHING ABOUT THAT! *looks around all
shifty-eyed*

Clearly it has been established that you
are girls! With boobies! Because BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES UNGH GAAAH
HNOUC$PHUNT$CPN*$TCHT$NC

"Your just the thing that all
the Comic Book, AND mainstream press flock to at Cons. And the real
reason for the Con, and the damned costumes yer parading around in?
That would be Comic Book Artists, and Comic Book Writers who make all
that shit up."

And draw things that prey on the geeks in
exactly the same way only we didn't think to hire you ourselves and
capitalize on it first so WE ARE JEALOUS AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH *eats
keyboard*

***

Dude. Why don't you just call them "whores,"
get it out of your system, and MOVE THE FUCK ON. Because honestly,
this is getting vaguely absurd at this point.

Seriously--we need to move on from this shit, folks. We should be better than this. We need to be better than this. The alternative is crypto-chowderhead He-Man Woman-Haters club nonsense screeds like this. And honestly, most of us who are adults and have achieved some level of actual maturity in our emotional lives are tired of this kind of crap. THIS is what is giving geek culture a bad name, not hired-gun cosplayers. Maybe if Tony "Effing" (and that's a hell of a middle name there, d00d) Harris and everyone who agreed with him grew the fuck up a little, we could all move past this shit.

Just a thought. Your mileage may vary. But in times like these, I fall back on the words of one Wil Wheaton: Don't be a dick.

It's really not that hard if you work at it a little. Try it sometime, you may be surprised.

[Also here from Scalzi's blog, catching up on a huge pile of internet I missed while out of the country for a month.]

Awesome translation, sounds accurate in the extreme. :)

What I really love about this idiot is that he seems to primarily be concerned that these fake-fans dressing up in their revealing costumes aren't hot enough. They're not pretty enough, and their boobs aren't good enough. One must speculate that if the women in front of his table in the revealing costume were all hot-n-sexy by his personal standards, that he wouldn't give a damn whether they knew anything about the fandom his griping about their fakeness as geeks seems decidedly secondary. :P

Also from Scalzi blog.. only read your comments and thought that's a pretty accurate read on his intent and that its a great takedown, if only I could be so articulate ;). Plus the boobies line, classic!