Are you watching the red carpet?

I'm ordinarily not a huge fan of Penelope Cruz, but she looks amazing tonight. Perfect hair, perfect makeup. Too bad her dress looks like she's wrapped herself up in a bathmat.

Cameron needs to go away for a while and renew. Maybe get a new stylist. I think she looks like ass.

Jessica Biel has gotten too gorgeous for her own good. I love that she wore fuchsia.

Jada Pinkett Smith looks like a man, babee.

I know I've said this before (about 89 times) but there has GOT to be a better red carpet interviewer somewhere on the face of this earth. How is it possible that they can all suck so bad at such a high-end job?

Leo is hot. He really is. If we could set him up with a nice Hollywood lass, who would it be?

Did you know Damon Hounsou was in all those music videos? I did not.

Case in point on the interviewer thing: Ryan Seacrest was busy showing his underwear to the camera when he should have been interviewing Helen Mirren. What a wanker.

I think Dame Helen is infallible.

Cate Blanchett could work a red carpet for a living. She is really tops at this.

I really, really want to like Annie Hathaway, but she needs a new stylist. She should take a note from Penelope on the makeup tonight.

Forrest Whitaker. Did I ever tell you that he made one of my favorite movies?

I despise J.Lo's hair like that. And who knew Mark was such a camera hog? Geez.

Gwenyth is developing quite a Madonna-like fake English accent.

Girrrl, I LIKE Queen Latifah's hair color.

Beyonce looks like she's been crowned Mining Queen in that rock sash. At least she's got her messages down pat. "She deserves to win." "I'm so pleased to have been associated with the film." "It's a wonderful year to be an African-American actor."

Don't you think Eddie Murphy's gay? A little bit?

Reese looks fab, as ususal. Someone in LA is making a KILLING in hair extensions.

Well Meryl's fashionable Globes appearance must have been a fluke. She's back to looking like a frumpy lady again rather than the icon that she is.