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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

{Accountability} ♥

On Monday I wrote about my Momma/Wifey feelings which would then translates into Woman feelings.
My Woman/Momma/Wifey heart has been weighing a little heavy on my chest these days. It's so easy to get caught up in helping and doing for everyone else that you quickly forget that if Momma don't feel good then no one will feel good. How you feel and how you show those emotions rubs off on your spouse and your children. That's a whole lot of icky in one household. Trust me. I know.

I don't like feeling blah. You know those days when the pity parties just don't stop and you are the guest of honor and the ONLY guest...the self-drama is all up in your face. In Spanish we say.. "haces una tormenta en un vaso de agua.." {I drown myself in shallow waters...}

Those days when what I look like, who I am, where I have come from, what I have "achieved" or not achieved, and where I think I am going just doesn't add up or seem at all right.

Then, I realized... "I am having a mid-life crisis". It didn't hit me right at 30 but I've had a few months to wallow..in my 30's... and uhm, oh.M.gee. I AM SO 30! I definitely feel it today. Not like today, today but these days... HA!

I discovered in these little self-pity parties that I am my own Debbie Downer. Ouch. I don't want to be that person for myself! I should love myself. I should appreciate myself. I should be happy with myself. Yet. I wasn't. {I am not.} Then I thought. How? How did I get to this place of self-yucky? I slowly allowed myself to be defined by situations and circumstances. I had that downward spiral into being the person I know I am not.

Well, there isno sensewhat.so.ever in remaining in THAT place. {It's not healthy, for one.} NO WAY. That's just not me. It's never been me. I move. I create. I am who I am and I move forward!

I will. I have. I can. Those are the words filling my heart today. Over and over. I will. I have. I can. Most of my current blah I know has come from my physical appearance. I looked in the mirror the other day and thought...this is me? Surely it can't be? But, yep it was! Wow. I am so 30! Ha.

Change. How?

ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.

One small new change is accountability. I have a couple of again, ah-MA-zing, women who are trying every day to help me achieve these SELF-LOVING goals, in return, I will more than willingly help them achieve SELF-LOVE. I did say this was a year of change.

So, let the SELF-LOVING begin!

{Perfect day to start....it's Ash Wednesday! Let the next 40 days begin....}