~ Don't Touch the Pipebombs

Monthly Archives: March 2018

Well, Fast Lane didn’t piss me off like Elimination Chamber did, but it also was nothing spectacular and has confirmed things for Mania that I have no interest in. It was just blah and didn’t really need to exist.

Shinsuke and Rusev opened the show in a fairly good match but it doesn’t really do anything. There’s no story and it doesn’t do anything for either guy, really. Shinsuke won which you knew would happen, and Rusev is over as fuck as a heel who should be a face but is losing….

Rating: ***

Bobby Roode and Randy Orton had a really long, boring match that ended with Randy Orton winning the U.S. Title because….why? FML. Good job, WWE, you put the U.S. title to an idiot who says All Lives Matter and thinks God isn’t allowed in our schools even though too much God is allowed in our schools. And then Jinder got involved so you know we’re getting a triple threat at Mania which is the only way to make this worse.

Rating: *

Becky Lynch and Naomi faced Carmella and Natalya in a decent match until Natalya got in the ring near the end and botched up a storm. But it’s Nattie, what do you expect?

Rating: *

New Day vs. Usos was enjoyable with them all doing each other’s moves until the Bludgeon Brothers came out and beat the shit out of them, causing a no contest, which is about the only good thing on this show. That’s a triple threat I don’t mind at all.

Rating: **

Ruby Riott tried her hardest to get a good match out of Charlotte but, well, Charlotte. It was fairly decent until both teams got kicked out because the faces were booted and Riott Squad cheated but it led to literally NOTHING so who cares? Ruby does need a new finisher though. Charlotte retained, no one cared, Asuka came out and made everyone still delusional enough to think Charlotte is good cream their pants because they’re under the delusion that Charlotte/Asuka is a dream match when really Charlotte couldn’t hang with Asuka if she tried.

Rating: *1/2

And the Six Pack Challenge was basically a finisher fest as we knew it would be, and Shane McMahon ruined everything and needs to be fired. A.J. retained. Hurray.

Rating: ***

You could have had a good Mania card, but instead we’re getting trash. Good job WWE.

Who’s ready for another shitty PPV?? Not me. After Elimination Chamber was such a disaster and Mania is shaping up to be as bad as they possibly can make it, it’s no doubt that the only show between now and Mania will be garbage as well.

Becky Lynch and Naomi vs. Carmella and Natalya
This match is happening because why, exactly? For reasons? For the love of god, Becky better get the Mania title shot because everything else in the Smackdown women’s division has been a tire fire recently. (Besides Carmella, Ruby Riott, and Sarah Logan.)

Prediction: Becky Lynch and Naomi

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. RusevWell at least this match will be good. It’s kind of random and just there because you kind of have to have the Rumble Winner on the show, but it’ll be good.

Prediction: Shinsuke Nakamura

WWE Blue Women’s ChampionshipCharlotte (c) vs. Ruby Riott
If it was Becky vs. Ruby I would care. But it’s Charlotte and she’s terrible so WHY DO I GIVE A FUCK? (NO CHARLOTTE VS ASUKA, ONLY CHARLOTTE VS BECKY).

WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Usos (c) vs. The New Day
I mean the match will be great, but we’ve seen this 48594858494839384 times now.

Prediction: The Usos

Six Pack Challenge for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
Why? Just, Why? Why instead of just A.J. vs. Sami one on one am I getting this bullshit? I can understand the triple threat. But then you throw in Baron and Dolph for no fucking reason. And now Cena’s here to try to get people to watch this show even though it’s booking decisions like making this match progressively larger that makes people not give a single fuck. Half of the participants HAVE NO REASON TO BE HERE OTHER THAN SHANE MCMAHON IS A FUCKING DUMBASS. THIS IS RUINING THE ENTIRE SHOW. STOP.