Tag Archives: relationships

You come home and the dog knocked a bag of chips on the ground and tore it open. You almost fall on the slippery tile floor as you open the refrigerator to put away the cheese and vegetables you just bought. You notice that the 2 liter bottle of soda sitting in the refrigerator that your live in’s been drinking is empty but it’s been put back. You feel a minor pang of annoyance, Why do you have to be the one to clean up?

You sit down and turn to the news channel. Any news channel. The news is so stressful and awful you want to tune it out. If just for a moment. But can you? The answer is, yes and no. If you want to drift off to sleep you can. But as long as you are awake in the real world, you just can’t. We are all connected in some way. We can feel and we can empathize. We all feel human suffering, grief, loss, fear, joy, worry, stress.

We worry about our children, grown or small. If they are still children, we worry about what this world will be like when they are adults. Will life be less stressful for them?

We worry about our spouses or significant others, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, our mates. Will they stay with us for a while? Will we be protected, cared for, and loved? If we are alone, we worry about being alone, perhaps. Or, we might be relieved that we are alone, if even for a moment or a lifetime.

We worry about our jobs, homes, living situations.

Stress is an after effect of worry. We have stress every day of our lives. Stress is a way of life. Part of this happens because we don’t live in a bubble. We live in the real world.

How can we cope with so much stress and stay healthy, and not buckle under a continuing pile of stress? We feel like stress continues to pile up. How do we get rid of it? We don’t but we find ways to cope. Exercise, sleep, eating the right foods, playing with the dog or cat, leaning over and kissing our lovers, tucking our little ones into bed. Sitting alone with a glass of wine and cheese, savoring their flavors and relishing the time alone. Remembering what makes us happy, what makes us smile and brings us tears of joy, not tears of sorrow.

Yet, staying with the moment, and being aware of what’s around us is essential. Finding a way of just hanging in there. And to keep on going.

Thinking back about why old relationships and new ones don’t work that well after a while…it has to do with respect…if you have been too mild, gave them what they wanted and let them step on you until they saw you as a doormat…it takes a while to figure it out…it seems to be a universal problem especially for women…you know the saying, “nice guys finish last”, and “girls like bad boys”; the same seems to be true for men, “nice girls also finish last (or else they are taken for granted), and “men like women that give them a hard time (bitches)”…

Girls, if you see your man start to take you for granted, tell you to be quiet while they are on the computer, they stop listening to you, stop taking you places, not bring you gifts, not kiss you all the time…you need to nip things in the bud, and not take it anymore…tell them you need their attention, ask them why they are slacking off on gift giving or doing things for you…the time to contront them is now, not later…

The first time you met your relationship partner, think about the newness of the romance, and how wonderful that was.

Did you ever notice how new couples act with each other? Two people that look at each other adoringly; how their faces light up when they look at each other and how they laugh and giggle like small children, with eyes twinkling, hand holding, light kisses and hugging.

What you might have noticed, and this could be universally the case, two people who are newly in love or have a crush on each other, are completely preoccupied with each other, as if no one else is around except for themselves. They would be in the initial stages of romance, which is wonderful, gives an adrenal rush, butterflies in the stomach, happy, preoccupied feelings about the romantic partner. They would both be wearing, metaphorically speaking, what one would call “rose colored” glasses.

New couples in the initial stages of romance, do not see fault with each other. They probably miss each other terribly when gone even for a few hours. This is the most hypnotic or addictive stage of romance, and one which most people would love to maintain permanently once they have a romantic partner. Later on, when reality sets in, and the romantic partners may go a step further, and make a commitment to each other, sometimes the “rose colored” glasses fall off, to reveal the reality, shortcomings and imperfections of each other. This is the fragile stage, which is like a fork in the road. One could break off into not seeing each other anymore, once the newness wears off, or one could go down the second road, of deepening commitment.

Some people want the thrill of new romance, and are addicted to it. They might even have a life partner, or marriage partner, but they still need to catch the thrill in their mind’s eye. How many times has one encountered a man (or woman) that was thrilled with the “chase”. How many times have we heard a man (or woman) tell us that in their experience with new romantic or intimate relationships, that when the relationship was new, it was thrilling for them and like a “rush” for them, which so many times has often been the prevailing reason for why married or committed couples might decide to “cheat” on each other. How many times have we heard someone involved in a romantic relationship that, let’s say, has gone on for more than two years already, that “my partner doesn’t listen to me”, or “my partner won’t clean the house or go anywhere with me”, or “my partner doesn’t compliment me”, or “my partner won’t spend any money on me”, or even more common, “I wish my partner would behave like they did when I first met them”, and “where is that person I once knew, I wish I had them back”…

How does a person get that “new” spark back in their committed relationship

Ok, I will be talking about how to breath some life back into a relationship. Can you get back the newness of your initial romance? That remains to be seen. But recognizing that your relationship NEEDS something new again is the first step…Be objective….take things with a grain of salt, there is so much out there on what to do. Use your instincts, you know your relationship much better than anyone else.

So much emphasis is made on new relationships, and new romance. Did you ever go online to various dating websites and get the feeling that the new romance thing will happen over and over again. Because of the emphasis on newness, a lot of people may not place as much worth on an older relationship. They continually want the “thrill” of a new relationship. What these people don’t realize is that just HAVING an old relationship is thrilling; a person you have a long history with, share things with, laugh with, cry with, dream with…

It might be easier not to try; and to continually search for that “perfect” or “exciting” relationship. How may times have we placed our hopes on our new romance to forever be exciting and thrilling, the rush that we feel with a kiss or even looking at our partner. It really is amazing how we can look at that same person a few years later and not feel half of what we felt when we first were in the relationship with them. The butterflies are gone, the rush is gone… So…when your partner doesn’t react as “romantically” as when you first met them, you also have to wonder why…it is a two way street…do you feel the same way they do…is the rush gone…are the butterflies gone…is that part really important…are we just hooked on romance…is it realistic to think that we can feel the same way about our old relationships as we did when we first met them…

The first rule about getting the newness back into your relationship is to not anticipate anything. Second rule is to not take your partner for granted. Third rule is like free association, let it flow.

Rule One: Not to Anticipate. Does your significant other interrupt you, while you are talking, and falsely anticipate what you are going to say next, without listening to you complete your thought?

Rule Two: Do Not Take Your Partner For Granted. Do you count on your partner behaving the same way over and over? Do you assume your plans that did not include his or her input will be ok with them?

Rule Three: Let it Flow. Be spontaneous. If your partner suddenly wants to take a walk at midnight, do it with them. If you feel like visiting an art gallery at the last minute, do so. That is, if you want to. Don’t feel obligated. Ever.

Rule Four: Make sure you get the respect and attention you deserve. Because you ARE worth it.