Darlings, it’s a Battle for the Ages! A showdown completely devoid of taste, class or style! Two TITANS OF TACKY are facing off on the red carpet in a FUCKED-UP JUMPSUIT CAGE MATCH! It doesn’t matter who wins, because either way, humanity itself loses!

And T Lo would give ANYTHING for a decent Tilda Swinton picture right now! Where have you gone, Lupita Nyong’o? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you!

This woman fancies herself some sort of guru to fashion models. She can’t even put her hands on her hips and face a camera without pulling some totally goofy-ass facial expression that makes her look insane, constipated, or like someone just slapped her ass. Let’s face it: the zenith of her modeling career involved macrame bikinis and baby oil.

As for the jumpsuit, she looks like she was attacked by a gay white shark.

We don’t even know what to say. Is that … nipple makeup? Is she actually wearing a jumpsuit that makes a woman’s entire midsection look like a slowly deflating balloon? And speaking of balloons, how did she get her tits to do that with no visible support? Why does the bust (such as it is) look like it was made out of strips of ripped fabric? Why, God? Why is this happening?