Thursday, February 7, 2013

No Easy Answer

Today was Jared's first time meeting with our family doctor. We love our doctor. He has been with us from the very moment we found out we would not be able to have kids on our own. He delivered both, Hannah and Eva and has seen us through two adoptions :)

Jared is doing very well, he surpassed his birth weight and is now exactly 7 pounds and he grew a whole half an inch! I was so happy to know that he is growing and he is overall very healthy.

The rest of this post is for me to let out some feelings that explain why he is not perfectly healthy.

The first few days with Jared were great, he was such a calm baby. He slept a ton and was pretty much just observant to all the world around him when he was awake. But after three days, his mood started to change a bit. His sleeping habits changed and he became more and more fussy. While this is common for many babies, it was different with him.

When I went to the doctor today, I explained my concerns for his change. The doctor went through all the paper work we had brought back from the hospital. He looked up at me with a serious face and told me, he is going through nicotine withdrawals. Tears streamed down my cheeks at this answer.

My poor baby.

My doctor reassured me that it will pass and he will be just fine. It broke my heart all the same.

There is no easy answer as to why I couldn't be the birth-mom of this precious little soul. I would have never polluted my body the way his birth-mother did. And while I know she loves him, it is still very hard to watch your baby suffer because of the choice of someone else.

I know God has a plan. And His plan is perfect for my Jared. I hope to one day understand what that plan is and learn from it.