Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I have been thinking about Aries a whole lot. So much that I have emailed him even though the last email I have stated that I will let him be in response to his silence from previous conversation asking me how things were. When I replied with "things are great.. lexi may be going private school and I am looking into starting a small business. Things are looking up over here!" he chose to not respond. I knew that things are a little down with him, I should have responded vaguely instead of joyfully in an unintentional gloating type of way. I dont know really HOW I know things are down for him besides the fact that his website hasn't been updated in quite some time. Actually, Im starting to feel like a stalker.. I really haven't thought this much about him for years or been this concerned in quite some time. To me, this is either something really wrong with him or maybe I have to resolve some more issues in myself. Actually, Im betting a bit of both.

Im watching a little flick featuring him and his friend Michelle online. It's about them flying. As I watch this, there are planes and planes flying around my little area in this world. It's a little odd as I never hear planes this loud (of course, they are not the commercial planes you would take to fly anywhere. These are single person flying devices!) or this much at this time of the day.

It's strange, I have all these things I should be doing in preparation of this camping trip and to get cleaned up before going out tonight.. but I feel as if I must watch this movie. Im almost done the second part and boy, Aries' voice and movements are bringing back so many memories. Some people have pictures to remember their past. I've got an online movie and two cd's to listen to. It's a bitter sweet type of thing. It's nice to see him in essence again as he is living on the other side of the country now and well.. yeah. I dont know how to fly. :)

*sigh* The movie is done and all the planes outside have gone home. It's time to get showered, enough of the reminiscing! :) His ears should stop burning now.. :)

I created this story before I met him. When he read it though, he instantly related and said that he was suffering depression from a previous love in his life who left him for a co worker. When he met me though, he said it was as if his spirits had lifted and the pain vanished. I dont know how long that actually lasted.. but I would like to share my short story with you now.

Unable to Love Another

"I am sorry, my son. You shall not love another as much as you loved her." The master explained.

The boy brushed his hair from his face and gazed upon the slowly setting sun.

"Why my master? What have I done to deserve this punishment?"

"My boy, this is not a punishment, but is because this is how you made your life. You have failed to realize ones' love for you as your first love had failed to see your love for her."

The boy stood, confused, wondering~the master elaborated, "There was once a young woman who gave her undying love to you. You failed to see this special gift she gave."

The boy understood and began to weep.

"That young woman, she was the one meant for you, but you gave your heart too soon." The master fell silent..

"And because of this mistake, I cannot love as much as I once had? I must live this eternal hell; serve this punishment?"

"No son, you have failed to understand. It is not that you gave your love foolishly; but because you lost your love. You have failed to regain more, to make room in your heart to love again."

"How do I regain the love I have lost?" innocently, the boy asked. He reached into his pocket and fumbled upon HER cross. The only item he had left of HER. He held it tenderly in his hand.

"Let go. Untie the bond that you have with HER. You have failed to love your true fate because of this bond; this one mistake, has cost you your eternal bliss."

The boy wept once again.

"What you ask of me is impossible. I cannot bare to live without HER memories, HER pictures, HER cross.."

"I understand.." the master said. "Some people are not strong enough to find their true fate."

The boy collapsed to the ground, HER cross near his heart.

~ Created in May of 1995 ~

I had a dream, maybe it was a fantasy or vision.. I dont know. I could have been high during this time in life.. I have no idea.. but the words just spilled onto paper like I was in a fog.. or a trance. I would probably change bits of this story now, thirteen years later to reflect my views a bit more accurately.. but I think it's best to let it remain the way I had wrote it.

I have this knack for writing things before their time. I used to write a LOT in my younger years.. I have been meaning to start again as it really does reveal many thoughts and emotions you never really express unless you feel that no one else will read it. Those private dwindling thoughts.. many of which are buried.

I came upon this story while looking through some old stuff back from that time. I thought I should quickly throw in a blog entry as I leave Friday morning to go camping until Tuesday. (for those who dont know, it's Canada day weekend which means Im out there camping! Woohoo! Im excited!) So I think I will write as much as I can until then, but understand, there will be a break in the stories and a time for me to regain sanity among the natural surroundings of Canada! :D

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Let me explain a little about me before I go on. I guess Im not bad looking, but I really get uncomfortable when guys flirt with me. I dont know what to do,.. I dont know what to say.. I dont have sex readily.. it normally takes someone months of dating me to get anywhere with me sexually. I get a little awkward and shy and I DONT get hints easily. I guess Im kinda a prude, but Im not embarrassed about it.

Okay, so enough with that.

So we kiss and I run away and have a hard time getting to sleep as Im thinking over and over about all the details of the evening.. I wake in the morning feeling like Im in a fantasy. This Aries guy kissed me and I REALLY enjoyed it! Of course, people at work notice something different and all I say is that I went for a bike ride with that vanilla capp guy. Then he strolls in and smiles this AMAZING beaming smile at me and my heart flutters. He comes right up to me and thanks me for the last evening. EVERYTHING in the room to ME is silent. There is only him, and I hang off of every word he is saying. Nothing else in that place could distract me from losing myself in his eyes. I guess I blushed and everyone noticed because I was teased and interrogated for the whole day. Aries came in twice more, making it three visits that day.. which is NOT unusual for those who frequent that Tim Hortons.. but for Aries, he normally only comes in twice and EVERYONE notices that ONE extra time.

He asks me if Im free that eve and I nod my head. We plan to get together.. You know, to be honest, I dont remember what we did.. I think maybe he came over with his guitar.. it's all lost in a sea of love and hate at this point.. maybe I'll find my note book/diary type of thing that I wrote in and see if I wrote out how things unfolded. Maybe Im just tired from working six hours without sitting down and my mind is fried from trying to remember so many orders tonight.. Maybe I'll resume in the morning, fresh and new.

I miss Aries. I will always love him.. and in so many ways, I think we could have worked. But then, there are so many reasons why it didnt.. Im glad to have the fantasy to relive in my memory..

You must be wondering why I call him Aries. Well.. One of the first times I talked to him, I noticed a necklace (actually, I own it and still have it) that had the little symbol for Aries. I asked him what sign that was, and he told me Aries. That moment on, he was Aries. Many people had called him Guitar Man, actually, that was on his motorcycle license plate.. G8tar man (something like that with an 8).. No one had ever called him Aries and it seemed fitting to me. I think he liked my pet name for me though.. I still call him Aries when I talk to him,.. which is rare as there's issues these days. ANYHOW,.. on with the story.

He's singing.. he's playing.. Im trying to conceal my drool. This inch or so taller, amazing blue eyed, bald man (clean shaved) is staring at me with this intensity.. singing his heart out and his parents have returned home.. but he keeps singing away to me.. it's like a dream.

We chat a bit more and eventually decide to head out for some dinner.. actually, I dont think it was dinner, I think it was drinks at a local pub. (what happened to dinner?) We head up and have some wine.. chat in a dimly lit, cozy little atmosphere by candle light.. It was one of those nights where we were totally in sync. I understood where he was coming from, and I hope I made some sense to him.. :)

We leave the bar after a few hours and by this time, Im CRAVING a smoke. I was trying to hide it from him because I felt guilty about it.. but I come out and say it. "I smoke and I have to have one now.. It feels like it's been forever!" He smiles and tells me to go ahead.. but that he never would have guessed I was a smoker. At that moment, I wish I had never smoked in my life. What a horrible and useless habit. His views of me doesn't seem to have changed though.. he's still interested and Im somewhat impressed.

We drive back to my house and talk a bit more in the driveway. When it's time to go (it's getting pretty late by this point and I have to work at seven in the morning..) he steals a kiss. I dont think I was expecting it, and when I clued in, I realized I was definitely kissing him back.. as if it was a natural occurrence. I blushed, and thanked him for a wonderful eve.. then I whisked myself away.

This was the start to a very extreme relationship. I hope to explain that a little more in due time as for RIGHT now, I really should get some work done today! :) Maybe I'll come back tonight and write a little more before bed.. I hope you're enjoying my story!

On with my man story that I started a short while ago, as kindly requested! :)

Okay, so we've set up a date to take a ride.. first though, Im going to my chiropractor appointment in the local mall and we agree to meet there.

Once we meet, he hands me a helmet and we head back to the bike chatting idly as we go.. we jump on and ride around for about half hour, and we then head to the outskirts of the city. He asks me if I would like to see his place and normally this would send red flags, but I feel safe and that says a lot as typically, I can be paranoid. I nod and off we go.. down the dirt road.

Along the way, we see an older couple walking along the side of the road, hand in hand. I think to myself, "how cute!" and we slow down and pull over beside them. It's his parents! We meet and greet and Im a little shy, but all works out. They are such a beautiful, happy couple and I think to myself, "I want to be that happy with someone.." We pull away and head just a little longer down the road and pull up to a beautifully large home with lovely gardens. His parents house looks like something from a magazine, almost perfectly decorated. He tells me about how his mom loves designing and decorating as he leads me through the happy home. He leads me eventually to his room and it's a small room, very clean and organized.. I wonder if he keeps it this way or if it's his mothers doing.. (I have met very few men who actually take care of their rooms!) By the way he moves around and finds what he's looking for, I figure this is HIS doing.

** OHHHH.. I JUST GOT MY PACKAGE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!! THANKS LEAH! (Im taking a moment to open!) OHHHH.. HAPPY DAY TO YOU TOO LEAH! :) Yes.. Im thinking this in an excited shouting type of way! I love the additions too! The freebie card is amazing and the little loomed flowers are cute! Alexis is going to LOVE those!! :) I'll email you later and do the feedback thing soon! **

He pulls out a guitar and starts playing for me. I melt. He is REALLY good. Then.. he starts singing.. oh my. I can FEEL myself falling for him..

*shoot!* I must end there.. more to follow! Im heading out with my sister to shop a little and she's ON HER WAY! ack! Ive got to rush now! (She has two infants, and she got them ready to go in like fifteen minutes? I took at LEAST a half hour with one when I was younger! sheesh! Im impressed!)

Sunday, June 22, 2008

You know.. I think that psychic brought out old fears of being a slave to what other's thought of me. And honestly, that time in my life was horrible.. I wouldn't change anything as I learned a whole lot from it. But I really don't want to relive it. I thought I resolved those years.. maybe I am reminded of them because I didn't handle them fully in the right way..

Anyhow.. rereading that post I created late one night I am feeling I was a bit harsh, which is totally not my nature. I am brutally honest at times, but not vulgar. I apologize to my readers. I DO actually care what you think (not to an immobilizing extent) as when you share your comments, you are sharing your thoughts and world with me which opens my perspective, and gives me opportunity to grow. I ALWAYS want to learn and grow.. I think it's my life mission to continually learn and grow. I value knowledge and wisdom.

Today is day number two of my four in a row work days.. I hurt my foot at work last night and one of the chefs were a little bit annoying.. I made it through though! Yippee! I really do have to get my shop on etsy created. I would like to spend more time with Alexis and I know that all the jobs of packaging and shipping is something my daughter would love to be involved in! She makes each package special with her little creative touches! (I sold a few things on ebay and I let her help! :)

Today will be an amazing day. We are going to a fairy festival (before work for me) and my daughter is so very excited! I love to see her little body BURSTING with joy and anticipation! I am so very happy to be a mother of such a happy child! What a gift!

Soon to follow.. some more pictures of the treasures lurking from amazing treasure hunts.. my manni's and pictures of this days events!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I think I had the wrong purpose.. I think I want to change my purpose.

I am going to view this differently now.. or at least TRY to maintain a different focus.. I need to do this blog for me. I am going to stop caring if it's good or entertaining or pretty..

I need to just capture the thoughts that I wish to remember.. or ramble when I need to ramble. It is close to midnight and I have just watched the movie Just Like Heaven. It was a pretty good movie, but then, I'm a sucker for romances believing that there is that match out there for me. I have always wanted a partner. I work well on my own, but when I work well with someone, it can be magic. At least magic for me..

anyhow.. not where I wanted to go with that..

I had always wished that there was a device that recorded thoughts.. I have such GREAT thoughts.. but they dont seem to be in english. I understand them.. and no, I dont really HEAR them.. I just KNOW them. I have had ideas that are amazing, but when I go to express them, I fail to find the right words.

I know Im intelligent. Im just not that intelligent that everyone recognizes as smart. I have this strange knowledge that some.. actually Im noticing it more these days.. maybe it's not even smart.. maybe it's just being aware. Aware of what people have lost from the primitive life. And you know; I cant even describe it. Maybe one day I will fully know myself.. but until then, I'll continue to piece it together as I live my life.

The psychic said something about me still getting hung up on "the stupid stuff.." I looked at him curiously, he says.. "you know.. whether you're skinny enough.. wishing you had bigger boobs.. you know, the stupid stuff!" Here I am, shaking my head IN my head thinking.. NO.. I have dealt with that and boy, was that a long and hard road leading with the realization that that stuff just SHOULDNT matter. If they dont like me, that's fine. I dont mind. I dont want to TRY anymore..

you know, I do still care.. and I think I had that frame of mind for this blog. Sure.. I am trying to be honest on it. I am writing about the stuff I thought I wanted to write about.. but I always had this thought in my head that I wanted to be inspiring.. I needed to write something interesting.

FUCK IT. Why should I care what anyone thinks.. it's WHAT I THINK that matters, no? If I am happy with my work, I should feel that pride within.. no matter IF no one writes me comments on my blog. I should write this thing in hopes to have a reference later to realize that "okay, on June 19th, this is how I was thinking and this is what mattered to me that day.." yep. Or maybe just reviewing my beliefs.. I remember when I was younger, lets go with nineteen years old. I was working at a Tim Hortons.. scared as hell in my life.. dont know why I cared so much.. but I was scared if no one liked me. I was scared that people were making fun of me behind my back.. I wouldnt go out if I didnt have the right clothes on.. if my hair wouldnt cooperate.. I had some serious self esteem issues.

I met a guy who was in a band who would frequent the Tim Hortons I worked in. At first, I didnt even consider this guy.. I knew one of the other employee's like him and was out trying for him. I was friendly, and was just getting comfortable in my job and starting to let down my guard about my paranoia's..

Well.. his job was to shuttle airplanes around at the local airport. He would come in in this jumpsuit, order his vanilla capp and crack a few jokes here and there. Then there was one day he came in with actual clothes on but was carrying a helmet. Well.. I noticed his helmet because I had had an accident on a motorcycle (unfortunately I was the passenger..) and still LOVED to ride. He told me he would take me for a ride that night.

*sigh* there is more to this story.. I'll continue later though. I should actually recall this story because I would like to have record of it. My point of view of the events that took place..

I cant remember his version anymore, but I know he has told me. I remember mine as a fairytale.. it's been eleven years, but I can still put myself in that moment of time.. I wish I knew then what I know now. But then, all things happen for a reason.

Moxie design and photo is having a BOGO (buy one get one) sale at her shop in order to make one shop into two. Thrifts will be found at Moxie's Thrift and her art work is the Moxie design and photo! :)

This is one cup from her BOGO sale.. Im delighted it comes with a card! Wonderful photography!

This is coming free with it!

and well.. I HAD to get this because it's just SO ME. :)

Go check out her shops! If you like a good thrift, she's done all the work and brought to you the treasures! I could have bought a whole lot more, but money situations right now are a wee bit tight.. I'll be happy with my new tea cups for my rooibos and green tea! :)

I wonder if she notices.. I told her I would do this tonight! :) I should get around to showing you some of the WONDERFUL purchases I made from other etsy members.. Cookies drawings are amazing (I cant wait to show you!) and I bought an original artwork from catloaf and a little felted fawn from Nancy B.. oh.. one day I promise.. hopefully SOON!

"Freedom is being able to choose whoever and whatever you want to be at any moment in your life. If you have to act in a particular way to avoid being something you don't like, you're trapped. You've limited your freedom and robbed yourself of your wholeness. If you can't be lazy, you can't be free. If you can't be angry when something upsetting happens, you can't be free. If you deal with someone's behavior by being the opposite, question yourself. If you are constantly annoyed by a particular group of people, find the ways in which you are like them. It's not only our negative traits that we project onto other people; it's also our positive traits."

"If there is an aspect of ourselves that we don't accept, we'll continually attract people in our lives who act out that aspect. The universe will keep trying to show us who we really are and to help make us whole again. Most of us have buried these disowned aspects so deep we can't see where we could possible be a particular kind of person that we look at with distaste. However, if a particular type of person keeps showing up in your life, it's for a reason."

These quotes are from The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

I know I was suppose to tell you about my psychic reading and show you my "ladies" (for those just tuning in, I bought a mannequin and a headless torso to display things on..) but this book came into conversation with my Aunt who I went to the reading with yesterday. I thought I would share them with you. I believe life is always trying to teach us things we need to learn for this life. Sometimes it's lessons are difficult.. sometimes they are simple but damn.. they can be annoying.

My psychic reading was entertaining, but not really enlightening. He told me things I already knew deep down that I needed to do. He reassured me that I am a beautiful, delicate young lady who will meet her mate before the end of the year. (I really am just not looking..) And he told me this is the year of change. Many changes. Always good to hear as my house looks like a cluttered thrift store (which makes sense because I love to go to thrift stores.. but I WANT to get more organized.. and I HAVE been trying to work on that!)

I believe the theory of The Law of Attraction. I do believe that if you focus on what you want in the right way, it will be attracted to you as long as your intentions are wholesome. I believe things happen for reasons mainly to teach you or to put you in a situation that will bring you through trials which in the end, teach you. I have on many occasions acted, said or did things that were not quite like me (although very much me as I did play them out) in which I believe it's due to the fact that the person I was with, needed to encounter that trait or situation. Believe me, when I lay down at night, I review what I have done that day and sometimes notice things I said or did that were almost like I had no choice to do them. I just did them. There was no decision, it just played out that way. I always believe things like that happen to either teach me or them. It happens all the time in this world, I just dont think people dwell on it the way I do. :)

Can you tell I skipped the coffee this morning and brewed up a cup of Rooibos tea and a cup of Green tea?! *smirk*

Anyhow, Im starting to feel like I should get a bath drawn (I'm kinda cold and want to relax), floors swept and mopped and maybe my manni's set up? I hope pictures are to follow in my next post!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

There's no denying to myself and now to you.. I have been in a funk these last few days. Money is dwindling and camping is coming which is a huge expense.. and yes, like every other north american, I do have a credit card.. I would rather not bury myself in debt though..

but.. although it's cloudy today, the sun is starting to shine in my world. I have found some mannequins that I am about to go check out.. which is A GREAT find I am assuming as my friend over there at moxie photo and design is telling me to go buy..

~~I had to run out for a quick trip to those mannequins and for some lunch!!~~

Okay! So I went.. I looked and I bought. :) I pick them up tomorrow and Im PLEASED! :) wooohooo! Pictures to follow tomorrow!

I got me another frog for my evolving collection! :) Three frogs that hold sponges.. He may be a bathroom frog though. :) I'll show pictures later.. :)

Anyhow, if anyone is noticing.. this is about the time I leave for work and I am writing in my blog.. what does that mean?! yes.. I gave up $50 - $75 for a night with my daughter! :) So in reality, I should probably get off my blog and spend some time with her (who is actually playing with the "baby" frog my other frogs made.. you know.. cause they're MARRIED. :))

night folks! Oh, one last thing.. I was invited by my Aunt to go see a psychic tomorrow! One half hour personal session she won from the radio this morn! OH THE JOY!! I'll give you some details tomorrow on how well that goes!

Im sad. I work Monday and Tuesday nights.. I have Board of Director meetings on Wednesdays, and work Saturday nights. I will be taking this Wednesday off from the Board of Directors.. I want to spend some time with Alexis. I may even take tonight off because I need to work this Sunday night too.. I really could use the cash though.. :(

Yesterday I was NOT in a great mood. Not with anyone or myself. I hate those days, but I have them. I took a nap, hoping to help my mood but it didn't. My bath was interrupted and I was rushed out the door to meet a medical intuitive. After my five minute meeting, I had to walk about seven or eight blocks back to the downtown area which I went to the thrift shop (I found a mannequin body, but haven't decided to purchase yet!), two Nancy Drew novels for my daughter and a cute little top which is a TAD too small for me. :( I ran to the bank then jumped on a bus to go home to get ready for work.

I need to post these pictures though of this vintage towel I found a few weeks ago.. I thought it had the same image on both sides, but NO! :) I'll show you!

ahh.. the days when dad had a cigar and the paper and mom wore her apron and carried her dish brush at the ready to tackle all those dishes.. But then, on the flip side, who is wearing the apron? He is?! And it looks like he's helping with the dishes! Oh joy! I need to find a man like that.. although he wouldn't be smoking in the house.. :) I like the little flowers and pots around the boarder too! The flowers have different moods, which is adorable! I just fancy daisies!

Anyhow, while I go and try to tackle MY dishes at 6:30 am in hopes to get them done before Lexi wakes up for school.. I'll be wondering.. should I give away my shift tonight or stay home. She apparently didn't have a great night last night with her Dad. Maybe she needs some Mom time?!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Wooohooo!! Im just TOO excited! If you don't know what Waldorf is, take a look at wikipedia's explaination.. or here's a better one, the Canadian Waldorf site.

I have gone through a long process and still have more to go, but YAY! Waldorf is a school that the whole faculty will accept or deny each and every student who applies. It's more due to "being able to meet the needs of that child" rather than being all snobby and such.. they even have ATA (accessible to all) which will help fund those who CAN'T pay the full admission.. and let me say this, it's more per year than college would be for me. *sigh* I will be taking advantage of the ATA option for this year..

What an amazing bit of news! Now I need to go and take a bath.. it's been a weird work day and I am glad to be back home. I hope to do a post on fathers day as it is getting a bit late for me tonight.. and while Alexis is sleeping at her grandji's house, I would like to get to bed a bit earlier and sleep a wee bit in. :)

Friday, June 13, 2008

Yes.. I made a decision.. I LIKED the last template, but really, I am sure I will have many pictures on this blog in the days to come.. so the flowers and the semi-opaque thing had to go. Besides.. my mother in law has always said (and most times I haven't listened.. so here is to being a good daughter!) keep it simple, stupid. Im going simple.. I may add a touch of colour.. but for now and until I actually create a banner, this will be it. Simple. :) Stay tuned.. later I should be able to post a bit more.. :)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Isn't this frog just the BEST? I love it. Eyelashes.. butterfly.. oh, it's just lovely! And it has a mate, too!

This one is the bullfrog. See those horns? Unfortunately, one day he fell into the sink and broke one of those horns.. I have glued it back on, but sheesh.. this thing was in MINT condition when I got it. We all have our flaws though, dont we?

I have been eying a pink little frog over there at whichgoose's etsy shop because as my daughter says, "now these frogs got married and they should now have babies!" so yeah.. a pink little frog WOULD be nice to have, but as this is June and I have my fathers birthday, my daughters birthday and HER fathers birthday this month.. not to mention father's day. Yep. June is a very expensive month over here.. and Im going camping on the July 1st weekend which is Canada day and WILL be expensive. Im excited, but I think I have to work some overtime for a few weeks! :)

Anyhow, Im kinda in that *blah* mood today. I was on etsy's chat boards, but I think there's some problems with chat and now that the daughter is sleeping soundly and I have a half hour free time, I should probably tackle those dishes!

two long work days done, one day of errands and playing with the daughter.. then a board meeting. *sigh* I have lots to say, but me weary eyes are telling me it's bed time.. so off I go and once the morning shift is finished, Lexi is picked up, dinner is eaten and my lil one is sleeping, I will LOVE to tell you all about it! So try to come back tomorrow night or even better would be friday as I have that WHOLE day off! wheee! I may get creative! :D

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I haven't fulfilled my duties as to being entered into Cookies fabulous contest of little shoes. See this photo? This amazing artist created it as well as many more.. I have bought five of her little creations for my home which are STILL awaiting frames. (they do have to be the most perfect ones..) Anyhow, Cookie is having a contest and I'm directing YOU there.. :)

This is her june link.. you should find the 5th and the 8th of June posts and THAT will let you know all about this fabulous contest.. She tells it better than I would considering I have ten minutes to get to work!

I also wanted to say that Cookies mom is in the hospital and I will have her in my prayers.. She is such a sweet lady! I hope she is feeling better soon.

x's and good fuzzys' to all!

I'm going to work again for another 12 hour shift today.. *sore feet* wish me luck!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I guess I have this way of thinking that what happens in life is based on the intentions you have. I guess it is the same as what the movie The Secret was trying to explain. I have a deeper understanding of it than the whole "how to make money, these are the intentions to have" aspect to it. I think if someone has this deep embedded greed when going about something, they probably wont end up with what they want because the intention is selfish. It should be pure unselfish intent that somehow is going to help everyone that is a part of it. Whether that help comes in the form of materials or knowledge or even a sense of happiness.. I have noticed when that is the intent, it does materialize. Over and over in my life, this is what I have experienced.

Being a server in a restaurant, I have gone to work with many different perspectives. There have been days where I have been "out of it" where I just end up overwhelmed with confusion and serving my tables poorly. Days where I have come in NOT wanting to be there and again, just not serving well. Many of the days where money has not been a worry, I have enjoyed talking and helping people to have my night run smoothly and my wallet to actually be overflowing at the end of the night. Those nights are the best nights not because of the cash, but to actually enjoy being there and seeing those people. I have learned a lot being a server and the first thing I can say about it is that it's not an easy job (although it's a lot easier if you enjoy it) and you must be in fair physical shape because you are running for five to eight hours, normally without much of a break.

One thing I have witnessed time and time again is when someone is given two paths, one that is "right" and one that is "easier" they always want to take the easier path. why? I have found myself taking that easier path at times in life, but I have also noticed that I have chosen the "right" path and KNOWING it was going to be harder and I PREFERRED it that way. It felt good when I looked back at that work and knew it was right and enjoyed the rewards.

One thing though, I am far from perfect. I think what bothers people about me is that I talk as if I am perfect and that I know it all. I really know I dont know it all. I know what I think at times, and because I have experienced a LOT of hardships in life, I have learned a lot from it.

I believe that you and I are equal, I think we're talking on a equal playing ground. You know things I really dont know and Im sure you know them well through your experiences. What I do know, I think I know well and Im going to try to tell it to you as best as I can. A lot of the things I know ARENT necessarily what I practice, but I would LIKE to. It's like when you know what the right thing to do is, but can't quite do it yet. I know it's probably better if I get the laundry and dishes done now, but I would rather go thrifting.. self discipline dictates that you should get the chores done before play, but that's not always what happens, is it? You know better.. you dont do it though. Not all the time. Yeah, either do I.

*sigh* Today is one of those days where I'm just tired. I have a split shift tomorrow (work 10:30 - 2:30 then come back at 4:30 - about 8/8:30 sometimes I work til about 10) It makes for a long serving day. Do you sometimes wonder why your server doesn't remember your ketchup or your glass of water? It's been a long day or something has thrown them off. Next time you eat out, look at your server.. THAT is a person. They have good and bad days like everyone else.

Anyhow, I dont know if my rant has gone anywhere tonight.. Im hot as it's humid here in Ontario.. thankfully we have had a bit of rain and thunder.. but Im starting to notice that our showers arent lasting too long this year. It's starting to bother me.. we are in need of a good long rain. These rains lately have been between five and fifteen minutes. How I wish for a good thunder/lightening storm. They are the best at night.

So I think Im going to get going for tonight.. my mood isnt the best and I would like to relax a bit and maybe get a bit more organized before my all day work day tomorrow and Lexis' start to her school week. *sigh* The weekend went so fast this week. And my only day off this week is Friday. I think I'll try to get to bed early all this week and drink more juiced veggies and glasses of water everyday.

Have a great week, readers.. Again as Melissa over there at the Yummy Goods blog says, "I love your emails, really! Keep em coming!" well, I feel the same. Comment.. email.. show me you're there and it'll bring a smile to my face! Let me know if you relate or totally disagree.. I dont care.. I like to learn from some great constructive criticism. Hit me with your best shot! (sorry if that song is now running through your head like it is in mine!)

"Ciao amigos" says the half dutchie who works in a greek restaurant and sometimes just doesnt make any sense.. *smirk*

oh, and I just had a thought. One or two pictures a day of my thrifts.. I know I'll have enough to give you a picture a day for a year. I think I got overwhelmed before, trying to take pictures and then being disappointed they just didnt work out that well. So here it goes. I'll post one of the pictures I took a few days ago and not tomorrow, but Tuesday I'll talk to you again. :)

Okay.. I couldn't resist.. here's three scarf pictures. :) I love all of them!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Okay.. so I was wanting to make the main part of my blog a little bigger.. and for those of you who have seen this before, let me know if this is better or not. I really would like your opinion! And apparently, since I added the hit counter, I have realized I have MORE than two visitors! Yay me! So I know someone has seen my crazy little space!

Although.. on the thought of the blog, the flowers are really nice.. I do like them, but Alexis' face looks a little weird until you scroll her up where there are no flowers behind her.. hmm.. I guess I dont mind TOO much.. but that is something to consider when Im posting pictures and how there is only a little space at the top that you could actually get a true visual of what the picture is without the flowers peaking through the background.

Anyhow, I would post some pictures of what I viewed on etsy but I got caught up in chat that I somewhat didn't take note of what I went to look at! :) opps. I did favourite them though.. so if you ever get curious about what I like on etsy, just check out my "hearts" and you'll see. What a great little site Etsy is.. I am addicted! (And I really take that handmade pledge seriously! I fully endorse supporting the community wares rather than large corporations!)

Anyhow, times ticking and soon I need to be at work. Those dishes ARE STILL waiting for me as I have been planning out a camping trip and talking to my mother in law about sending Lexi to a school called Waldorf. So there was an hour to an hour and a half gone! :)

Watch me go! zooom! *sigh* and I close the restaurant tonight.. it's going to be a LONG night! :) (good thing I love the staff!)

Isn't she gorgeous? This is last years picture, OH MY.. actually TWO years ago.. but oh.. I love it. There are plenty more where that came from, but do you think I know where they are at the moment? no. lost on the hard drive.. waiting to be found sometime soon.

You know.. I think one of the hardest things I have had to endure as being a mother is to let my daughter go. I know these times are preparing me for the real "letting go" when she gets older.. but still.. those crazy thoughts of "this could be the last time I see her" run through my head. I am a rational being and I call myself crazy, but this really hasn't been diagnosed or anything. This is my fun way of saying, yeah, people notice I have a different way of thinking and doing.. but I do try to keep any paranoia's in check. I do try to keep in mind though that any day could be my last with her and instead of reveling in thoughts of despair, I try to appreciate all my time with her and capture it in my heart best I can.

So as for the actual details of the trip, my brother in law and his cousin is taking my ONLY child to niagra falls to adventure around the wild bird kingdom (i think that's what it's called) and the butterfly conservatory. We have been to the Cambridge butterfly conservatory many times, so it'll be neat for her to see another one. Of course they will be touring around the falls and maybe even go under the falls.. it's going to be a great day for her! She loves her Uncle Jacques and Martin!

Which leaves me with the morning and mid afternoon (before I head to work) to have a little of that freedom that mothers only get occasionally. What to do?! Im blogging for now, and dishes are waiting for me.. the floor needs sweeping and I still have all those pictures that I took to sort through and maybe take more. I should run down to the library at some point to pick up some books on hold.. *sigh* even the days I have by myself I find that there are so many things I need to do and that free time is already spent. But for now, I have my coffee and Im comfortable on the computer.. I think I will go and check out etsy.. :) Maybe I'll post back to show you some of the things I have found while browsing! Have yourself a nice Saturday!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Yep.. now I know how hard it is to take photos on a super sunny and windy day! :) I'll wait until my little one is VERY occupied or in bed and try again! *smirk*

I need a SERIOUS camera.. not this old beast of a camera! So the first picture is my fish bowl. It can hold the maple syrup for dipping your french toast.. or a side of yogurt say.. and same with my little vintage bowl at the bottom there. They are both about the same size.. I nest my fish bowl in the vintage bowl.. which I really just absolutely LOVE that vintage bowl. You wont see that on my etsy shop (when it is fully up and running!) The wash cloth holder is actually much more beautiful than the picture. It has a beautiful shine to the silver and such lovely detail.. I cant wait to hang it.

The shorts are billa bong, which is weird that I even KNOW what that brand is as Im getting too old for that sort of thing. I do love the swirls and the tie up part has grown on me. The bamboo print on the ceramic bowl type of thing is actually a plant holder needing some macrame cords, which luckily Im an expert at creating.. and the plate is my new cake plate! :) I love that thing and it's the perfect size for a 9" cake. The fabric underneath it is some curtains I purchased. I thought about using them as curtains but they have those pucker things that require those little hook things.. (yeah, pretty vague, eh?) and I just dont know how to do it.. so I was kinda thinking I would use the fabric for something creative.. and those GLOVES! OH.. I really need to take more pics of those.. they are FABULOUS! The black are a little too small, but the brown fit like a.. GLOVE. yes that's right! :) Anyhow.. I thought I would finish up this entry to actually EXPLAIN what pictures I posted.. I think tomorrow I'll try to take more pictures with more in it.. if ANYONE has any suggestions, please, help me out! :) I LOVE your comments! I would really love to know if anyone has any insight on anything I have posted!

I saw this on post secret and it made me smile. At least someone else thinks our generation will do good for the world..

Yes.. so I am sitting here with henna on my roots, a plastic bag over that and a felt hat over that. If only someone would take a picture! :)

As I sit for the next two or three hours with this mud type goo on my head, I need something to do so here I am.. probably talking to no one at this point as I haven't told many about my blog.. and those I have told, well.. they may not even care to check it but then, THAT is alright! I am of the firm believer that those who gravitate towards you are there for a reason. Those who cannot stay, shouldn't. All things happen for reasons and I like to think that my positive thinking influences the path I am taking in life.

I think I am an overly excited person most of the time. I am enthusiastic about little things which makes people at work think I'm crazy and maybe even high. heh heh. In the restaurant business, it isn't an abnormal thing to be high.. but apparently it IS unusual to just be plain out happy. To me though, that's just sad. If you don't enjoy the work you're doing, you wont do it the best you can and honestly, I dont know many people who really like being around someone who's complaining all the time. I feel DRAINED when Im around someone too long who's complaining.

Today is a cloudy day here in Ontario. Im not feeling all that energetic so I think I'll just type a bit longer!

I went out thrifting last week and I cant WAIT to show you the amazing haul of silk and assorted scarves I found! Oh the JOY I had in picking and choosing from a whole rack of floaty beautiful scarves! And good gawd, I found the BEST belt!! I saw one earlier this year somewhere else where they wanted FOUR times the cost of this one (at a thrift store as well) and the only difference between the two was that this one fit really well and the colour schemes were different.. :D This one fits like it was MEANT for me! I LOVE when I find those items that were just WAITING for you to find them!! OH it's SO GREAT!

Im just thinking back and OOHH.. I want to go out again to the fabulous stores I have around here! :D I got three towel bar things, WAIT til you see them! One wash cloth ring thing that goes on the wall and some curtains that Im not quite sure what to do with yet.. but the bright yellow of it I couldn't pass on! :) I absolutely fell in LOVE with this little vintage bowl and a little blue fish bowl. I had to get some little glasses for my daughter to drink from and SOMETHING springish/summerish. I got one more favourite glass that Im excited to use! :) Ohh.. let me find the camera and I'll show you these delightful goodies! (and learn how to post pictures on a blog! wheee!)

Okay.. so for two days (since I wrote this post) I have been thinking about those pictures I was promising.. well.. it's been VERY VERY cloudy and thankfully TODAY is a fabulous day! So Im grabbing my goodies and bringing em outside (because really, folks, Im a novice at photography and sunny seems good!) and with the slight breeze outside, my silks should FLUTTER! OHHH.. how I love fluttering! But I promise.. I will TRY to post these tonight as I really am dying to post this entry.

Actually, I AM going to post this.. you can wait til the next post (tonight) to view all those pictures Im promising! :) Til then, my two viewers! :)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

When I read this bit in the book "The Invitation", I was thrilled! I have never heard anyone say what ACTUALLY matters in a being, better. Here's the goods by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

"it doesn't interest me what you do for a living. i want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

it doesn't interest me how old you are. i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

it doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. i want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. i want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

i want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

it doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. i want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

i want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

i want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

it doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. i want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

it doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. i want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

it doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. i want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

i want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

I think my world was jarred when I read this. I never knew anyone else thought this way. I have always wanted to get to the soul of a person.. but unfortunately many people hide their soul, not wanting it to be exposed. I have to admit, myself included at times in life. Other times, I was so willing to expose my soul and desires that I think I may have scared many off. I still at times can have that day where everything makes sense and feels right.. and I may just expose some amazing thoughts and ideas that this soul has to offer.. I am hoping to catch some in this blog.

Welcome to my blog. I hope to bring laughter and tears into the souls who have gravitated towards me and my writings..

About Me

okay.. so i am a little bit crazy (SELF diagnosed!), but i mean well. i have a lot to say but use very simple words to do it. Please view my very first post as this is my ideal way of thinking..
i am a thrift shop professional who can find unique treasures.. I am working on my creativity and crafting skills to bring to you something unique! Stay with me to view my progress! I am a work of art in the making!