Man Mistakes Watermelon for Cat

Coma resident C.J. Hughes admitted today he accidentally mistook a ripe, plump watermelon for a cat for nearly three weeks.

“Yep, I did,” Hughes said. “I was feeding it and changing the litter box and all kinds of shit and it turns out it wasn’t even a cat.”

According to friends, Hughes started talking about finding a stray cat several weeks ago. He told them he took it in and decided to keep it as a pet.

“I stopped by to see him and when I walked in I saw him laying on his couch with a watermelon on his chest and he was just stroking it real soft,” Hughes’ friend, Rocky Thompson said. “I didn’t say anything at first, because sometimes C.J. likes to touch fruits and gourds and even vegetables. But this was a little different.”

Hughes said it wasn’t until the melon began to rot and stink up his house that he realized something was amiss.

“It stopped smelling like a cat and started smelling like rotting fruit,” Hughes said. “That’s when I took a closer look and really thought about what I was looking at. I was like ‘hey, that ain’t a cat or even a kitten.'”

Hughes admitted this wasn’t the first time he’s made such a mistake, citing a four-month stretch in 1998 when he attempted to breed his Doberman Pincer with a pineapple. Hughes said this recent incident was more embarrassing because he is pretty certain he bought the watermelon at the grocery store himself.

“I’m pretty sure I bought it at the store, brought it home, put it in my refrigerator and then forgot about it,” Hughes said. “A few days later I opened my fridge and saw what I thought was a cat sitting there next to my cottage cheese.”

Hughes said despite the fact the watermelon wasn’t a cat, he decided to bury the remains of the rotting melon in his backyard.