I've been an emotional wreck for the last few days re: Archer's last day of preschool + uniform arrival = discombobulation nation, so I thought I'd post my favorite video to sob inconsolably to. (I'm a massive Ben Folds fan and highly recommend everyone go see him perform live in their lifetime. Arguably the best live show out there.)

We had planned to keep Archer in summer school through August but last week Archer said he'd rather hang at home with "his trains" which is obviously code for "my mom" so last friday suddenly became Archer's last day of preschool, leaving me totally unprepared for the emotional tidal wave that has landed me atop a Redwood of angst.

Behold, the gone years:

Last week Archer caught me crying and was like, "Mom? Why are you crying?" and I said, "Duh. You're growing up," and he said. "Oh, mom. Don't be sad. Cause, know what? Someday, I'll get really old and die and come back as a baby and when I'm three I'll go to preschool again in like, a hundred-something years."

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comments:

I love the pic of you guys reading the magazine. I remember the first time you posted it, I thought it was just awesome!

I've been going through all my old baby pics and can't get over how long ago it was since mine were babies. My 12 year old is starting to find her own way, and I am happy and gutted at the same time. It's amazing to see them grow and change, but sad too.

You're so lucky you have had your blog since the beginning. You will always have your memories to reflect on, even when your memory fails you :)

I saw Ben Folds with his Piano in a small theater in Northampton, MA. Most. Amazing. Show. Ever. I'm registering my kids for K and 2nd grade today. YIKES!

TLR
| 4:42 AM

OMG - major blubbering watching the video. Like you my little boy starts K-garten and I've been a mess all summer. I keep telling myself that he will grow into an even sweeter intelligent boy in September as I'm sure Archer will.Thanks for sharing the video. I'm sending it to my friends so they can reminisce and cry with me.

Nicki
| 5:04 AM

I cried horrendously when the first went to school, I cried far more when the second went, and then I thought my heart would break open when the eldest left Junior school and went onto Secondary (I have no idea how that translates to US ages- he was 11). Yet each time I think they need me less, that I'm losing them slowly to the passage of time, how I mourn when I know I'll never hold my babe in my arms, I get reminded how they still need me. That journey with them, like yours with Archer means that they grow and express their love less with Weetabix kisses and stumblingly cute words. Yet instead its replaced more with insightful views on the world that express a side to them that I've helped instil, tastes that I've offered them but they've moulded into their own.You did good girl.. remember that. The wild child girl has a grounded, beautiful, insightful boy with profound views on the world around him and the sweetest eyes physically and emotionally.

Don't cry, celebrate all your combined successes and look forward to the journey ahead, because trust me in many ways it just gets better...

Oh. Oooooooh. I cried this morning when my mom asked me if I wanted to talk. Then I cried when I thought about how our kids reach in directly to our hearts and feel it up in ways you never thought possible. Archer is such an amazing soul. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

You have wonderful children. Archer has captured all of our hearts through the early years. Don't look at them as "lost years" but stepping stones to the amazing litte guy he's become. Congrats on moving on up Archer! Have fun with the trains/mommy this summer!

i love your blog. this post was just too much :) my son is going into 3rd grade. it doesn't get any easier for me with each "moving up" ceremony. AND he's been playing piano for the last year and a half. what song did he want to learn a couple of months ago? "Still Fighting It"!!! talk about sobbing as my husband and i heard this beautiful song being belted out by an 8 yo. still amazed by these little people. you Archer is so astute. i love his observations. enjoy!

Archer is so perceptive, it almost spooks me out when he says things like this (I mean, what 5 year-old says things like that? Wow. I always think about your grandma being sure he's the reincarnation of her husband or something). Great pictures, very bittersweet.

I balled when I walked Z through that pre-school gate for last time, and he asked the same Q: "Mommy, why are crying?" And I told him "Because you'll never be back here as a student again." It's a tough one - so tough thst I'm not even clicking on that Ben Folds link. BTW, I put R in that *exact* same double-neck guitar tee this very morning! x

Now I want to cry because in your pictures I saw my little baby getting bigger and leaving pre-school, though she's only 9 mos. I keep saying to myself, adamantly, "I'm not ready for this!" (this being her getting older), as though by saying so, often enough, it will stop her growing.

Though, I don't actually want to stop her growing - watching her become a little person has been amazing.

Thank you very much for the song, and the photos of you and your beautiful boy - my oldest son is nineteen, and for him growing up is one hell of a bumpy ride. Today was a pretty terrible day for my son and me, and I think your post was just the perspective I needed. Thanks again.

No, I will NOT! You cannot make me play that song! I can barely swallow thinking of my little guy starting kindergarten. He's only a few weeks older than Archer, so I've been riding the same scary tidal wave of emotions. Seeing his bald-headed baby photos makes it so much worse. The days are long, but the years are short...

Ohmygod. I love him. So. So. Incredibly intelligent. Rebecca, well done on going from Wild to Child. Your family is precious.

Anonymous
| 10:32 PM

Love the photos and song! I was curious about something---I was reading some of your old posts from waaay back when Archer was maybe still a toddler, where you wrote about sharing his life in public and how you were going to stop writing about him when he entered kindergarten. Have things changed, or are you still planning on doing that? I think you had written that it was family decision? Just wonderin'...d

Anon/SpicyGinger - Yes. Will post about that later in the month but when Archer starts kindergarten (it has always been my intention) to privatize his life, or at least most aspects in it. I will still be writing about my experiences as his mother but will very much be keeping his experiences, thoughts and ideas private.

And in a way, I think I'm sort of mourning that, too. I love sharing him with the world. I think he's fascinating and riveting and inspiring but I also believe he is his own story and I don't want him to ever feel like I told it for him...

I'm going to miss writing about him as I do (which I have tried to phase out in the last year, last few weeks there's been a surge of Archer posts but only because I'm swan-songing) and will miss having a sort of baby book of his every day and moment... But I know it's the right thing to do. I know my kid. I know how he hates all eyes on him and I hope he forgives me for putting him out there as I have done or at the very least, doesn't mind too much.

Well thanks for making me cry. I'm exceptionally weepy these days, but still. I hadn't listened to that song lately, not since actually having a child of my own, and so yeah. That combined with your post? Tears.

Anonymous
| 5:14 PM

You're killin' me with this video. My baby starts pre-k in a few weeks. She's 3 and 1/2 and being super tough. Me, on the other hand, I'm a mess.

jsut read this post & totally cried. lOSVE the first pic of archer especially... the whole post makes me kick myself mentally, we're stuck in a teeeeeeerrible 3 1/2 year old stage with my daughter right now (deployed daddy + new baby sister + suddenly out of preschool + just being a precocious 3 year old = HELL for mama), and it made me take a deep breath & remember that before i know it she'll be 5 then 9 then 14 then 19... sigh.& LOVE LOVE LOVE ben folds!!! havent been to a show since it was ben folds five... buuuut totally were some of the best shows ever.

jenwingard
| 10:04 PM

My daughter is 4-1/2 and we are both struggling with her growing into a big girl. Lots of swings between independence and regression to being my baby. This post hit home in many profound ways in our house. My daughter asked several times while listening to the song, "why does it have to hurt to grow up?" Good question baby. Good question. Thanks for the great post!

Anonymous
| 8:43 AM

LOVE the bottle of booze in the background of the photo with you holding Archer upside-down.

I remember a few of those photos from your blog way back when. My how he has grown.

I saw Ben Folds perform live with the Houston Symphony a couple of years ago. It was very cool.

BonJoey
| 11:49 PM

Hey I just noticed your "Posted By Girls Gone Child" header at the beginning of every post actually says Girls Gone "cIIIld" not "child", three I's, or the roman numeral 3? Do mine eyes decieve me? Could this possibly be like a subliminal hint of some sort? ::wink wink:: Number three on the way? ;)

Anonymous
| 3:48 PM

I sobbed like crazy while reading your post and watching the video with my daughter. I was just thinking about how this was going to be her last year at preschool and then she'll have to go to school everyday when she starts kindergarten. She then looked at me and said, "Mommy, everyone has to grow up"...more sobbing from me. :)