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About Me

Hmmm.... Where to start? My names DC (well duh that ain't my birth name sillys =P), I'm 17 years old and I'm Gay. Ima Kiwi at heart, I was born in New Zealand and after moving to Aussie when i was 5, i moved back to NZ 8 years later.
My current obsession right now (other than staring at cute guys) is Paintball, and God I love it!! The adrenaline is awesome when you're running around, all alone and never quite sure whats around the next tree (trust me, groin shots are not fun :( ).
Chur Bro!! :D
A Crazy Kiwi, DC

So about 7 weeks ago I came out to my parents. It certainly was not how I planned it, as you will soon see.

Basically my mum was very disappointed in my English Exam results. In NZ we have a really retarded system in high school. You pass the year as long as you have 80 credits. You can get one of 4 types of credits/marks for work. Not Achieved, Achieved, Merit, and Excellence. Now we had done practice exams a couple of weeks earlier. In our exams we have to do 5 papers, 4 of them being essays and the other an extremely hard analysis of unfamiliar texts. In the practice exams I only got 3 achieves, 1 merit and a not achieved. Now because I wanted to get better marks (If you get a certain amount of your 80 credits as merit or excellence then you pass the year with 'Achievement With Merit' or likewise with excellence) I decided to focus on 3 of them only. It paid off. The hardest paper, which was the unfamiliar text one, was worth the most credits. I got Merit on that and on one of my essays as well. The other essay i got an achieved.

Anyways, my mum not really knowing the system, goes f***ing crazy, threatening to pull me out of my school, have an interview with the principal, etc, etc. This pissed me the hell of as I'd been going through some very bad times that year (my earlier post, u know, the one about me possible committing suicide? lol). I mean, I go to an all-boys school, every single bloody day I was reminded how fucked up I was (my mind wasn't exactly in the right place as you can tell). So yeah, that sorta stopped my doing great in school that year.

As my mum is going crazy, she's demanding an explanation. So I tell her straight because I'm fucking depressed. Cue more yelling. She then kept on yelling at me until I told her why. I refused. She left the room, saying she wanted an answer when she came back. I wrote on a piece of paper the words "I am fucking depressed because I am gay."

Now my parents are great, very liberal, modern people. They just expect too much from me. I couldn't cope with all the pressure from that and having issues with being gay so I just became extremely moody and depressed. That gave them as a shock, as generally I don't become moody with people.

So Anyhoo, Mum, shocked, finally stops yelling and starts trying to tell me its okay. I just said Get Out, I dont want to talk. After 30 mins, we talked about it, if there was anyone i liked, ect.

So yeah, after then it hasnt been mentioned. Mainly cos they're cool with it. The closest its come to being a topic of a conversation was when we were talking about an upcoming ball thingy a cppl og days ago. And she just said I could take this girl friend of mine (notice its two words not one lol). Btw that also happens to be the girl I mentioned in my profile.

So, as you can see, it didn't exactly come out as how I've thought of doing it.

I guess my biggest shock was when I finally wrote those words down on that piece of paper. Like, I'd known it was true, I'd accepted it but when I saw those words it was like a weight off my chest, I'd told the world who I was.

DC, still =D

33
comments:

Kinda has a ring of finality to it, when you do it that way. I think the first time that I ever wrote down that I was gay, was when I started to write my blog. I mean I came out finally to everyone that mattered years ago..., but when you said that, I realised this was true..., weird huh?

It's a good thing that your parents have accepted you for what you are though, you kinda lucked out there. Maybe it's something in the water over here, mine were pretty accepting ass well..., when I finally told them.

As for that new school system, well I have my doubts. Seems to me like a backwards step if you know what I mean? Still good work though, sounds like you did pretty well to me.

Boys school DC - sounds like a starving person with a can of baked beans in the hand and no can opener any where in sight.Seems to me you did ok with English - you worked how to maximise your results and did it - I think that's smart.That was a big step comming out to your folks, more so at such a young age - glad it worked out ok and at least that is something you never have to worry about again.Your Aussie peep Stef

Im glad that it all worked out DC. by yhe sounds of it your parents are really nice as they just love you for how you are :) Wow that school system seems really confusing is the not achieved, achieved etc. grades that you get. like with our BTECs we have pass, merit, distiiction and distinction*. but yeah sounds like you did well in your english exams :)

BTW yeah i got the song it worked thanks very much i have sent you a list of songs as well.

i think thats everything i wanted to say. bad times i coz everything seems to keep droping out my head almost as soon as i think of it. think its coz i have too much on my mind at the mo oh well thats liferawrRaron

Its against student rights! you must abolish this system. As my wise teache once said:"A student has the right to fail." -the only thing youre doing for them is to find out the hard way in real life.

Anyways, i dont understand your marking system, or the difficulty of the exams. Can you maybe tell us what kind of "unfamiliar texts"? where i live, we get a fraction or % mark/ and there are only 30 credits... Do you mean 80 credits for english or the every subject? im sorry, just confused//

About the coming out, you have great parents. my parents, being VERY VERY VERY (add as many as you like) conservative, would go way crazy because im basically the end of their family's "hierarchy" (my father being the only male out of 5, 4 being females), and me being their only child. They literally have a BOOK where their entire lineage signed their names.......(off-topic) about the coming out, its best for it to come naturally, like yours have. forcing it would do no good.

Hot damn, kid!! Good for you!!! That took a lot of courage and it will make you a MUCH happier person!! Everywhere I go, kids are trying to figure out how to do what you have done... You're very lucky to have such supportive parents... Give them some time to understand all this, though, and adjust to it! I know that with this weight off your shoulders, everything becomes easier- Now, make it count... Be proud of who you are and find the happiness you deserve!! luv,tman<3 hugs2

Not going to happen, not yet. I will just stay inside my walk in closet for a while still. I am not to worried about my parents, but I think Mikes parents wont like it to much. My mom will probably think I am to little still for any kind of sex to, and she is probably right and so............ not yet!

Don't know about that type of grading.

All boys school, I use to think that would be a really good place to go to. All those boys and no girls. But it is probably just like all schools. Hugs JJ

AS/DF, uh unfamiliar texts is like poems and stuff. The difficulty gets harder every year pretty much cos they keep on changing stuff. Like, I got top marks on previous years maths papers that i did for revision and then only got merit for most of them. NZ used to have a system where around about 50% failed and 50% passed. Now that might sound quite cool but it made it so as long as you put in the effort, you could do reasonably well. Nowadays, they try to do roughly the same, but instead of deciding the 50% which passed after the exam was done, they try to do it b4 hand by making the exams extremely hard. Basically they try to guess the difficulty required to make 50% fail. Unfortunately, they Epic Fail at this. In all the subjects, only about 35 to 40 percent passed, let alone do well in them. so yeah, hoped this helped.

Oh and in answer to another question, you get the 80 credits through ALL the subjects. Each paper is worth between 2-6 credits. We do both internals and externals. externals are the ones we do at the end of the year in exams and internals we do in the course of the year. If you got any more q's, just ask, you aint the only one that doesnt understand and think its retarded! You can join the club that includes pretty much every teenager in NZ :)

hi DC just stumbled upon your blog its really well written and thought out .i came out to my sister first at 15 half was so drunk could hardly stand up and i remember telling her a few times but she couldn't understand what i was saying so i shouted out AM FU##ING GAY EMMA ! out loud she nearly pissed herself laughing . next morning i woke worse for were and then remembered what i did and thinking OH FUCK !!!!!!! DRU

By God i certainly hope you read this. This is directed to all parents, especially those that posted above. I'd like you read the next post that I make on my blog, as I want to make sure you don't screw over your's or your son's life.

I could have written anonymouse's letter, right down to the fact that my son told me to follow your blog.The only thing I would change is the fact that I still love him. How can a mother stop loving the child she gave birth to?My husband won't talk about it. He says Jr. is no longer his son. It tears me up. You should have seen the two of them, DC. They were the greatest father-son team on earth. My husband flew his company jet cross country to visit him at least twice a month at the Ivy League college he graduated from.I'm almost certain we'll divorce in the near future. He drinks, I take prescription drugs. You might say I abuse them.I've cried and cried and cried. I've spoken to several parents in one social club or another whose sons or daughters had been outed. (I detest that word.)The fact that they almost all have similar feelings is of little comfort.I'm told that my husband's reaction is not uncommon. That helps some.But what they say about my relationship with my son is about to drive me insane.They seem to feel that it's always the mother's fault. They're wrong. From everything I've read (volumes of information and studies), a person is born homosexual or straight. No, I didn't cause him to be that way.I'm quite certain my husband blames me, however. I don't know for sure. He won't talk about Jr. Doesn't talk much at all.I just don't know what to do. What CAN I do? Thanks for letting vent, DC.

My eyes are filling with tears. I can relate to Mr and Mrs MacP.Only I'm the son who was outed. My father and mother both disowned me.I attempted suicide three times before I met the most wonderful man in the world. He's my father's age. By the way I'm 22. Was outed a little over five years ago. How I was outed may explain my parents' reaction. They caught a neighbor boy and me. (The neighbor boy was shipped out to a military school).I'm extremely happy with my man. I'm his whole life and he's mine. I couldn't be happier. The only sadness I feel is on my birthday and christmas and I don't hear from my parents.But my man's family has adopted me and treat me like a king.Believe it or not, he has three children, all older than me. They've all forgiven him and want him, and me, to be a part of their life.So, DC maybe it's not such a sad story afterall. My man says: "their (my parents) loss is his and his family's gain".

I can't believe it! I thought I was the only one who's family started hating me. From all the other posts I read on all the other forums, I assumed My situation was different. I was convinced I must be different -- far worse than all the other boys.I was fourteen when my little brother caught my cousin and me 'doing things'. He snitched. I went to live with my uncle. He's gay, too. The same thing happened to him. But he was already 18 and he and another boy set up house together. Uncle says I saved his life because he was considering suicide after his boyfriend, only 26, died (aids).So, who needs parents, anyway? I have Uncle. Couldn't be happier.

I'm sick. Just sick. Might vomit.I hate myself. Truly hate myself. I murdered my son. He was sixteen. A beautiful boy. Almost too beautiful.Athletic, gifted student, respectful, obedient.A more faithful son a father couldn't have wanted. And now he's gone.I didn't use a gun or knife or any other instrument. I murdered him with hate and disgust. And now I hate myself and am disgusted everytime I look in the mirror.Some of my friends told me they would have felt the same way if they found out one of their sons were queer. They say my boy chose to be gay and chose to take his life. Their words don't bring any comfort at all.I'd give anything in the world (I don't have much) to get him back. If only, if only, if only. I keep saying if only. If I didn't have a forgiving wife and four young children, I'm sure I'd go join my boy in heaven, where I'm sure he is now with a kind and loving and accepting father.

it`s not all doom and gloom i came out to my parents on my 16th birthday .i will admit at first they were shocked not angry but i just left them to think about it they still loved me,respected me and to be honest i loved them more than ever .

DC:I have hundreds of letters like the ones above. And hundreds more case histories.As a family therapist with more than 30 years experience, I can (and do) recommend that a boy not 'come out' until the following conditions are met:-He's over twenty, at which time his brain is fully formed.-He's absolutely certain of his sexual identity.-He's clear on what the ramifications (to himself and those he loves) entail.-He's consulted a qualified professional in this area of psychology and it is agreed it's in his best interests.

Why young boys come out:-I've found that the main reason is to gain attention.-Confusion is also a factor.-A parent who confuses a little boy's exploring, comparing or experimenting (perfectly normal and acceptable activities well into the teen year) means he's gay and he becomes convinced he is.-The child has been molested and the predator has convinced him he's gay to both salve his own conscience and to get more cooperation from the victim and persuade him to do things he'd otherwise deplore.Perhaps you can come up with others.

About attention: It doesn't seem plausable that a teen boy would claim he's gay just to get noticed. I've treated many boys who would purposely act out to get spanked or even beaten. Negative attention is sometimes preferable to no attention. Boys have told me that the only the time his father ever touched him or even acknowledged he was alive was when he was being beaten.I've also treated a boy who said he discovered that some girls felt sorry for him and some even volunteered to show him what 'he was missing'. I can believe just about anything, DC.Finally, I must warn you that you are morally and ethically, if not legally, responsible for the consequences faced by a boy who you convince to come out of the closet.You are not in any way qualified to counsel anybody in this area. All you can do is share your personal experiences and those of your followers. Also point out that those reports don't include negative ramifications to themselves or to others. It's human nature to accentuate the positive. It's also human nature to deny or block out the negative.

hey last anonymous.. I don't know how else to say this- You are so full of shit, I pray that you are really not in the business of treating adolescent children... What a complete and utter horror it must be for a young gay kid to sit across the desk from a bigot like you!!

You obviously know less than nothing about what it's like for a young gay kid to live his life, terrified about losing his parents' love if he tells them the truth about how he was created!! Getting attention?? My ass!! WTF kind of moron believes that?? Do you really believe any kid is willing to take that chance, just for attention??

I can't believe I'm actually responding to such a sophomoric and callous comment... And, the notion that these letters from devastated kids should not be shared, and advice given by the actual people that have lived in the cauldron, speaks volumes to your stupidity on the law and your utter, hopeless lack of knowledge, and respect for the kids involved... You are smart to remain anonymous, but that's about the only thing you have done that is right!! I recommend a different venue for you, if you really are in the profession (God, please save our children!), and that would be a curator for the George Bush library... You will find plenty of like minded people there- lacking in moral character and intellectual curiosity!! I am Tman...

Tman i am right with you about the last anon canteven be bothered to put there name . mind you i have another view that this comment is just from an annoying prick who`s using it as a cover either way its from a fuck witt

tman:You make valid arguments.I've heard them before. I could be wrong.You've obviously been seriously hurt. Most likely by an adult -- one in authority.Your first question: You apparently aren't trained in suicide prevention. You ask if I believe any kid is 'willing to that take the chance'. Ask yourself if any kid is willing to take the chance of dying to get attention. They, and many adults do so every single day.Ever manned a crisis hotline? Apparently not. If you did you'd know I know what I'm talking about.Tman, I respect your passion for kids. Have you held a teen boy in your arms who was wracked with tears because he actually did lose his parents' love? Or thought he did?If you haven't I wish you could. There are many out there who need you.I actually do know what it's like to live my life terrified about losing my parents' love because of a choice I made. You see, tman, I chose to be an atheist. I'm quite certain my staunch Pentecostal parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts and countless relatives would have preferred I came out homosexual.I believe you misunderstood or that I didn't make myself clear about kids reading these letters. I certainly would want them to read them. I also believe your advice and wisdom would be of great value. But only to kids who have already come out. In respectful compassion, I must point out that many of the cliches you use are less than impressive. My advice to use is to sign up for a class devoted to adolescent psychology. I taught one. Sign up for a crisis hotline, after 200 or so hours of preparation. I've not only provided those preparations, I wrote the manual.You might also visit a secure detention center for troubled kids. Prepare to be overwhelmed, Tman.And if you feel up to it after that visit, visit the juvenle wing of a secure psychiatric facility.I don't mean to pontificate, but, until you've actually been in the trenches, so to speak, you can't possibly judge me and suggest I change profession. My oldest son wants to specialize in adolescent psychology when he graduates med school. I point out to him that his father looks twenty years older than he actually is because he's spent his career attempting to work miracles on children who've been dealt unimaginable, almost unsurmountable obstacles in their young lives. The gallons of tears I shed assure me that I'm not callous toward, nor ignorant of their plight.

Tman, words can't express how deeply I feel for the kids of today. But I can't reach them all. Won't you please do as I suggested and then take over for me?hopeful because of men like you, I remain,respectfully and admiringlyyour friend

Tman:One more thought.I fear you might feel I was being condescending when I recommended you become qualified and man a crisis hotline for teens.I'm most confident you'd be spectacular. And positive you could save lives.It's incredibly rewarding to follow through with a suicidal teen and see that he or she decided to live, thanks in no small part to you.Also, google 'crisis hotline teens' for more information on becoming a counselor. If you can't, for some reason, you can donate to their cause.And could you please relate to me some of the successes you've had working with teens? No names or locations, but I'd appreciate knowing their class status. I've seen a distinct relationship to one's social class and how parents react to their teen coming out. The lower the class, the less trauma -- for everyone involved. The upper middle and lower to middle upper class who I mainly deal with are much less accepting and forgiving. But, to mitigate their concerns I've found that the wealthy have a lot more at stake. To give an example, I've seen a minister defrocked when his son was found out (seems the church feels, if a man can't lead his own family, he can't lead a congretation.)I've also heard of several high level politicians who were 'disgraced' and lost the election.On the other end of the spectrum, colleagues have told me they dealt with poorer parents who didn't much care if their kid lived or died much less if he was gay.Also, I'm not ignorant of the law. I don't leave my name because I could be held liable for my advice. As I say, I could be wrong.

You are no more my friend than the idiotic fools that decided many years ago that homosexuality was something to be fixed... You own words betray you...

And yes, I have held many young, gay, crying kids in my arms over the years because of the hateful nonsense that you spew like fact. I have mentored many wonderful children that grew up in the society that harbors the same, backwards views that allow you to exist! You are a dinosaur, destined for the scrap heap of history, only you never read the memo...

You come from a corrupt point of view that I have struggled against for 45 years... Learning to speak and read your research, starting at age 11!! I had to read your trash, that called me and every gay child of God, pathological and broken... At age 11!! I have wasted thousands of hours, trying to understand why my Father created a monster... Do you have any idea what damage you've caused?? All YOUR pontification, and supposed degrees, means NOTHING to me!! Some of the most stupid people I have encountered in my life, are laden with degrees, and hide behind them most effectively, until someone with courage finds them... If you are really that schooled, that makes you all the more evil!! I hope your son learns from your mistakes and the damage stops with you!!! By the way, I'm easy to find!! I'm a registered blogger, so suit me you fool!! tman

Tman.My god! That load of bitterness you're carrying around with you must be debilatating.I had intended to crucify you for crucifying my boss, who's also my mentor, rollmodel and the greatest man I've ever known.After reading your last post I can see that you need a friend like Doc. I know you're bitter, but bitter toward the wrong people.I don't want to add to your negative self image, but you are a classic! You need extensive therapy. And the sooner, the better. You feel that you're "damaged goods". No doubt about it.I have to tell you that your concern (as a middle aged single man) for youth is disengenuous at best and dangerous at worst.Our clinic deals with adolescents on a daily basis who have been victimized by men with your apparent (mind you, I said apparent)propensities.Your profile lists classic characteristics of sex offenders.So, I ask you, could you pass a polygraph? Or how about a penilagram. (I'm sure with your outstanding grasp of psychology, you know that that test measures a man's arousal level to certain stimuli).I must beg your forgiveness at this time if I've misread all the signs you've put out.But I most certainly have not misread your bitterness. But god, man, you're so transparent! It would take our newest associate five minutes to diagnose you. It would take years and years of therapy with the Doc and longer with me to heal you or at least lift some of the burden you carry around with you. Tman, I feel nothing but empathy for you. I know how you're hurting. I'm sure the Doc will be crushed when he reads your last post and blames himself for adding to your anguish.Please get help. If you truly have a heart for boys, you'll surely want to be the best mentor, rollmodel and confident that they so desperately need. But don't let your bitterness be passed on to them. That would only serve to push them one step closer to the despair you obviously feel.I could address more of the issues you brought up, but it's best if I let you sit back and ponder what I've said so far.If you were my client, I'd suggest you go off some place private and scream your bloody head off. And then cry your eyes out. And then, when you feel your burden lift somewhat, do a complete reality check.And don't be afraid to talk to a professional. We aren't anywhere nearly as evil as you believe. We're trained to help you.I care

Tman:I corroborated with Mike for the last post.Doc is my father.All I can say is that you greatly misjudge him. I could write a book on all his accomplishments and successes (and some failures, also)I wish you could meet him. You'd soon discover how wonderful a man he is. You'd fall in love with him just like all his patients do.But I'm going to take his advice and choose another specialty. I can see what being a therapist has done to him. Did you know that therapists have the greatest rate of suicide of any profession? Dentists have the second highest, by the way.I want Father to retire, but he can't abandon his patients or turn down any of the hurting souls on his waiting list. Father truly loves his "children in need".doc jr.

Tman:I'm also one of Doc's associates.First of all, a wish Doc hadn't been tuned into this blog by one of his patients.It's caused much grief here at the clinic.The concensus is that you couldn't have read Doc's posts carefully enough.He couldn't have been more considerate and caring to you. He never once slurred you. He wouldn't, he couldn't. That's not like him.And afer re-rereading his posts and then yours, I just can't understand you. Mike says you're transparent. I disagree. There's something more to you. Something we're all missing. Although your bitterness is the most intense I've seen in an adult, and we all see this. But, having been severely abused physically, mentally and sexually for years starting as a very young child, I feel a kinship to you. I'm almost positive you've had my experience. If not for Doc, I don't know where I'd be. Surely not a masters degree level therapist.Maybe I'd be a middle aged carpenter who's 'into' the same things teens are. That's unkind, I know, but it's been mentioned by everybody in the clinic.But what they don't consider is that maybe a man like you is just what the kids need. Maybe you can do more good than all us high-faluting, phsych-babble spewing so called professionals (that just means expensive) could possibly do.I'm cauciously optimistic

Wow.Despite my inability to figure out who was who among the anonymouses, and despite my anger at the way tman was trolled so offensively, I can't help but respond to the first therapist anonymous.

Coming out involves two things. One is admitting to yourself that your homosexual feelings are a real and valid part of your sexual identity. The other is telling the people around you of that fact.

Suggesting that adolescents should deny the reality of their feelings until they are 20 and have had their feelings validated by a trained professional is destructive beyond belief. It perpetuates the repression and denial of feelings of same sex attraction that christian churches have taught for nearly 2 millenia. Better to recommend personal self-acceptance of the feelings, and that what you are feeling now is legitimate and doesn't deny anything about how your sexuality will develop over your life.

Coming out publicly is a different matter. Of course anyone with any experience is sensitive to the circumstances that a same-sex attracted youth finds themselves in. Sometimes the risk might be worth taking, other times not.

Times have changed. For most people in most places in western countries coming out is not the end of the world. It is not final statement which exiles a person for ever more. Plenty of bisexual men come out as gay or bisexual, then later lead happy lives married with children. This is all the more likely IF they start by being open and honest about their same-sex attraction. Most gay people end up reconciled to their parents. This aspect of coming out is a matter of timing, not an act subject to a professional's diagnosis.

just some random questions anon # explain how this blog was singled out against several thousand other blog`s by gay teenagers.#your saying that if a gay teen came to you for guidance /support you would not believe them because they weren't fully aware that they were gay that they would need to wait till they were over 20 to be fully aware of there own sexuality.

your discarding the blatantly obvious view that most gay people are just born like that .

your saying that people are gay to seek attention. that they were probably abused at a younger age .

also i have a question are you gay yourself have you ever had a gay experience if the answeris no then how the hell do you know how a gay teen thinks .

Before I go on and read the next post, I have to say all this psyco babel is nothing more than a label created by people who can't explain why some people have strong feelings for members of the same sex. Because they can't explain or understand this feeling we have, need to feel better about themselves and because they want to be as happy as we are but can't, except these labels and bogus statements. I will agree that some people act out for attention, I have an 8yo son who loves to do this, thus far these center around his need to be in control of his world and not us controlling it, so we are working that angle to let him try it, but more to the point.

We are a support group, nothing more. We support each other and offer our individual advice, when asked. We are in NO WAY legally liable, that is yet another way for people who get paid to spew their opinions try and hush the rest of us from having one. Boy, please...

The study of psychology is nothing more than studying action vs reaction. Plus it's a license t be nosy and opinionated. I know, because I have one, along with a law defree.

I do not care to hear (read) any responses to my opinion that might try and change my opinion. If you agree, thank you, if you disagree, to bad...next please.

Alan

Feel Free to comment here. I might not reply back but I see every comment that's written, it's emailed to me.