Spoof news stories from Sunday 19 February 2012

London - Some royal corgis missing since Burns Night have turned up in the Thames near the 40-tonne Archimedes screw turbine installed at Romney Weir to provide electricity for Windsor Castle.
A river patrol source described Fifi, Edwina and Kar...

Ryan Cooper, a fictitious representative of the author from Oldham, has finally admitted his love of his feminine side after a constant barrage of ads for sexy lingerie.
"It was every website I visited," said Cooper. "At first I thought it was bec...

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today announced that he wasn't going to have his brother - who he describes as a 'daft bastard' - bumped off after all.
Sources relate that Shuttlecock had invested the sum of twenty two pounds fifty with an Ordsall...

Three camels being kept overnight in a field by a travelling zoo at Brean Sands in Devon were about to be attacked yesterday morning after one of the zoo's lions entered the camel's field after having somehow managed to escape from it's cage. Howev...

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Pamela Anderson recently confessed that she is so tired of the way she has been ignored in Tinsel Town that she is seriously considering returning to her native Canada.
The 44-year-old starlet is probably best noted for strutting...

Nairobi, Kenya - The strawberry blond Suffolk photographer's remains were discovered in 1988 at a Masai Mara game reserve close to where new reports have placed Lord Lucan.
To date nobody has been convicted of her killing despite several attempts...

Details are emerging of a dramatic operation carried out by the elite Navy Seals at major studios in Hollywood. An home grown terrorist cell was purported to be poised to attack Jewish interests in Movie City.
We are told that a group of four ille...

Arsenal's problems have been exacerbated even further by the FA. They have had their Premier league points tally reduced by 10 points (dix points in French) because the FA decided to penalise them for not playing football, not showing up at the races...

Bobby Brown, the ex-husband of tragic music star Whitney Houston left her star studded funeral early last night after an argument about seating. In a statement released to CNNN he revealed "I was invited to the funeral but once seated I was asked to...

Gone are the days when mobile phones were large enough to rest a tea tray on, although the iPhone 5 is rumoured to be as large as a minivan. The modern consumer needs somewhere to put their tea tray whilst they eat their meal and watch television.

For hundreds of thousands of nearly-destitute Americans who rely on their income tax refund each year to pay March's rent, have the check engine light on their 1996 Nissan Sentra addressed, or just to blow on luxuries like dental care, crack or laund...

The latest patent from the British company Ordnance Survey has rocked the electronics world with it's ruggedness, versatility and ease of use for locating a location or finding a route to somewhere.
"OS have come up with this incredible concept,"...

LOS ANGELES - Country music singer Taylor Swift recently got together with Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart two stars of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2.
The Twilight Saga stars chatted with Taylor in her dressing room after she had per...

Selected Senior Moments suffered by a Nottingham Senior Citizen. In the hopes of raising a laugh at them, and making them easier to live with.
Sunday 12th February:
* Woke up, went into kitchen and thought 'That's nice, it's not so cold this morning'. I'd left the oven on all night!
* Made a cuppa, then put the tea bags in the fridge and left the milk out?
* Put me Impetigo cream on me lesi...

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947
Chapter 87 - Guarding: The Tunnel Chase - a rare Victory
Well... I say victory...
I was assigned to an out of the way Brick making company just outside of Nottingham. The site was spread over the brow of a hill.
At the bottom. the offices, then the st...

CAMBRIDGE, MA--The NBA's newest rising star, Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks, is turning heads around the league with his impressive playmaking abilities and incredibly lifelike exoskeleton. Lin, who was activated on August 23, 1988, is the first A...

In a battle to be the NBA's all time prolific free throw shooter the Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash is calling foul against the current career free throw percentage leader, the now retired Mark Price. Nash, who had the title going into this season, claims...

BILLINGSGATE POST - They are up in arms and they aren't going to take it anymore. Millions of non-practicing heterosexuals plan to march on Washington this Memorial Day to voice their displeasure over being forced to pay for other people's recreatio...

With the success of the smoking ban in reducing the amount of smoking in the UK, moves are now afoot to tackle the British Booze problem in the same way.
"Booze is far more dangerous than any other drug on the planet," said Temperance Camper, co-o...