On (Long Distance) Relationships

Just some general yet personal thoughts on (long distance) relationships.

The personal part: I was in a (9,677 km) relationship for more than one year. It failed.

My hindsight-is-20/20 advice on (long distance) relationships..

1. Don’t.

It is literally as simple as that.

Will you be physically together in the same time zone breathing in the same air in the foreseeable future? How long will it take before that future becomes reality? How often does the reality happen? How long does the reality last?

We all have dreams, but dreams stay dreams because they are not real.

2. Grow up.

If you are sure you want to do this, you want to make sure your mental ages are at least five years older than your earth age. I mean for the both of you.

3. Do constant reality checks.

It is not about examining how much physical distance is between the two of you as that is not your reality in this relationship, but instead, it is about you and your partner.

You can be watching the same movie at the same time, forming ideas and forming ideas of your partner’s ideas and forming ideas of your partner’s ideas of you. And mayhem ensues.

This is the biggest difference between a close distance relationship and a long distance one.

Meaningful interactions often have to be scheduled in a long distance relationship; you do not want to waste time on telling each other what you had for breakfast. You have more important inspirations, epiphanies on your chat list.

You end up telling each other what you want to tell them, and from your narrations, I, on the other side of the screen, come up with my interpretations of you as a person.

The longer the relationship, the bigger the difference is between the imagined and the real. This is how unrealistic expectations seep.

You can fight or you can talk (like adults). The purpose is simply to keep your idea of your partner in line with reality.