(Closed) My Mother/Guest List Rant…

I have never wanted a huge wedding, or even a slightly large wedding. We made our guest list yesterday, and so far we have 220 people, not counting the wedding party, attendants, or our parents and siblings. I was thinking…100-150 guests not including anyone IN the wedding. * this list will grow, too, we just got engaged Tuesday and the wedding is next summer *

The problem? I want my close friends and my family there. My mom wants my close friends, HER close friends (because they’ve watched me grow up…I can understand a few of them) and allll of our family. Our 3rd cousins, people I haven’t seen in 10 years (literally) and our neighbors who I see in person maybe once a year, just because “they’ll feel good if they get an invite” and even a man who used to work at our favorite restaurant who NOW LIVES 2 HOURS AWAY and that we NEVER, EVER SEE. There are about 20 people I could easily cut off and save some money. However, my mom keeps calling me a bridezilla (her favorite word now, even though I’ve done nothing wrong here) and she is flipping out on me. You would think it was HER wedding!!! I don’t know what to do here!!! UGHH!!! I crossed restaurant guy off the list and about 5 other people that had no reason to be on there, and she had a cow…WHAT DO I DO!?

Keep crossing those people off that list you really don’t see needing to be there!! Is your mom paying for your wedding?? Maybe if she is I could see about keeping some of those people on the list but not all of them. Doesn’t matter because in the end its your (you and future hubbys) wedding!!!

Thanks for the answers already ladies, yes, they are HELPING financially. We live in the south, so mostly a lot of families still try to be traditional, they insist. FH’s parents’ insisted on paying for the groom’s tuxes and of course the groomsmens’ tuxes, and the rehearsal dinner. My parents said they would pay for my dress and my bridesmaid dresses (however, I showed them a $500 dress which I think is kind of cheap dress-wise, and they were thinking it was super expensive, so I’m sure I’ll be paying for most of my dress) and of course if my bridesmaids pick a dress they think is too expensive I’m sure they’ll end up only paying for half of it. My parents are the kind of people that think of what something would have cost them 25 years ago, and assume it will be that amount NOW. Which we all know is not the case.

I also have heard them say they will pay for all of it, which they aren’t. I plan on buying my save-the-dates, invites, cake, etc. Venue is free because it’s at our church, all of us will pitch in decoration-wise and reception-wise. Our church is already decorated quite nicely so we will just need some pretty touches to add to it.

In other words, I really think my mother is just being a mom-zilla. She is quite the control freak, to be honest, and is not the least bit reliable. We are having an all-dessert reception, and she said she wasn’t sure if her and some family would make them (another reason I said 250 people is wayyyy too many to have) or buy them from a bakery, and she said she would “take care of it” which is going to stress me out. I’d rather take care of it, but she insists. I can’t trust her with anything…

One way we’re luckying out with not inviting too many people is capacity…. Does the church have a capacity limit? I also think you need to discuss your budget and if she can make up the difference; if she can and theres room then just invite them. If you haven’t seen them in a while, there might be a good chance they won’t come anyway, and MAYBE they’ll send a gift

I think you should talk with your FI and make a written description of the five most important elements of your wedding (five for you, five for him). Then share those elements with your parents and let them know that because they are most important to you, YOU will be coordinating/taking care of those elements. The rest your parents can help with. So if the size of your wedding is #1, the dress #2, etc. then you can tell your mom that she has to plan within that contraint. It also gives you (and your FI) some backup, since you can both lean on each other for support (these are the most important elements to US).

As a compromise, you can tell your mom you’re willing to give her (X) number of guests, and she can invite whomever she likes.

I like the idea about inviting a certain amount of people, and letting her invite X amount. We went over because we both have big families…but also we want to invite a few friends. I didn’t invite very many friends, FH did, and mother kept adding, and adding, and adding…it’s going to be a big thing to get through, and we have to send out save-the-dates in november/december…I NEED a for sure guest list for sure in about 3 weeks or so. IDK how this is going to go.

Our church can probably hold at least 400 people. The reception area at our church can maybe hold…200 if we are lucky, we are thinking about upgrading to a different location for a reception which can hold 400-500, however then she wouldn’t care to invite many more.

Maybe you can try with…we talked and went over the guest list together and we just decided we wanted to have a smaller guest list.

Mom-zilla is right! if she is going to be like that with a list I’d be fearing how she acts with the rest of planning. I hope she just lets this list thing go..and is supporitve and fun for the rest of planning!