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Author
Topic: Angered to tears........ (Read 10032 times)

My name is Keisha. I am a 24 year old African American female. I am not HIV positive but my 19 year old younger brother is. Last year, not long after his 18th birthday he hooked up with a guy he met at a party. My brother was a virgin at the time and went back to the guy's apartment. He had his first sexual experience that night. He said it was over in about a minute. Unfortunately the guy he hooked up with (around 23 at the time) was not wearing a condom. My brother told me that "things were moving so fast, I kept thinking, if this guy is positive, he wouldn't be trying to do this without a condom, anyways the guy came after a few seconds, so there really wasn't much time and thought put into it".

My brother got a really bad flu a few weeks later. We took him to the emergency room at the local hospital, because he had a really bad fever and was really weak. The doctor offered a quick HIV test after asking my brother if he had any unprotected sexual activity recently. My little brother found out that night that this one brief encounter would change his life.

In the last year he and I learned a lot more about HIV and treatment options. My brother was upset beyond belief but he is a strong person, and he is doing his best to pull it together. He wanted to make sure that the guy who infected him knew that he was positive. My brother called him up and told him that he tested positive and that this guy might also want to get tested. The guy responded with "Don't worry, you didn't infect me, I have been positive for three years now". My brother responded with shock. "Why didn't you wear a condom then". The guy responded with "Hey, your health isn't my responsibility, and "If I told you, I wouldn't have gotten laid".

Yes, my brother and I both found out that people are willing to infect others without regard or without feeling the need to disclose....

Where is this going?

The other night my brother was reading this website. He was upset because a person by the name of Bailey, a person endorsed by this very we

Hi and welcome to AIDSMEDSDealing with HIV is hard. Some people find it difficult to alter their behavior, even after diagnosis. Does that make it OK to infect someone else? NO.You should know that what Bailey said is not "endorsed" by this website.We are free to express ourselves here, as are you.I am sure we all hope that all HIV positive people practice safe sex. Well, to take it one step further, I hope everyone practices safe sex. Everyone should know that HIV is still here and still a problem. It has not gone away. Anyone can get infected. Schools should teach about this and educate everyone on the use of condoms.I personally hope your brother comes back and participates in these forums. He will find many friends.

People without HIV should always assume every sex partner is HIV+ because not everyone who is positive has been tested/diagnosed, and hence they should always insist on a condom.

Both partners are responsible parties in this. I'm sorry to hear of this situation, I understand the anger, and hope that your brother is getting good medical support. It's encouraging that he has a sister who cares. Good luck.

Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you. He should understand that in all groups of people there are good and bad. This includes HIV positive people. What the man who infected your brother did was very wrong. What you are doing reminds me a lot of what my sister was like when I was a kid. She was always coming to my rescue and chewing out people who would call me 'fag' or 'geek' or whatever. I never really needed her to do that, but I loved her for it. I am sure your brother loves you very much.

However, what your brother needs more than anything right now is your love and the support of people who understand what he's going through. I encourage YOU to encourage HIM to post here and tell others his story. He will receive a lot of support and find people who do understand. And, he will discover, that positive people are just as diverse as any other group. Here, you will find gay and straight, white and black and hispanic and asian and etc etc etc etc etc, male and female. Here you will find people you will come to regard with great respect and people you would turn from in horror if you met them in person. No matter what though, it's a safe place to tell others your story.

And if he's upset about something someone said here... he should say so. But no matter what... he needs support. I can't emphasize that enough.

Again, welcome...

Logged

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

My name is Keisha. I am a 24 year old African American female. I am not HIV positive but my 19 year old younger brother is. Last year, not long after his 18th birthday he hooked up with a guy he met at a party. My brother was a virgin at the time and went back to the guy's apartment. He had his first sexual experience that night. He said it was over in about a minute. Unfortunately the guy he hooked up with (around 23 at the time) was not wearing a condom. My brother told me that "things were moving so fast, I kept thinking, if this guy is positive, he wouldn't be trying to do this without a condom, anyways the guy came after a few seconds, so there really wasn't much time and thought put into it".

My brother got a really bad flu a few weeks later. We took him to the emergency room at the local hospital, because he had a really bad fever and was really weak. The doctor offered a quick HIV test after asking my brother if he had any unprotected sexual activity recently. My little brother found out that night that this one brief encounter would change his life.

In the last year he and I learned a lot more about HIV and treatment options. My brother was upset beyond belief but he is a strong person, and he is doing his best to pull it together. He wanted to make sure that the guy who infected him knew that he was positive. My brother called him up and told him that he tested positive and that this guy might also want to get tested. The guy responded with "Don't worry, you didn't infect me, I have been positive for three years now". My brother responded with shock. "Why didn't you wear a condom then". The guy responded with "Hey, your health isn't my responsibility, and "If I told you, I wouldn't have gotten laid".

Yes, my brother and I both found out that people are willing to infect others without regard or without feeling the need to disclose....

Where is this going?

The other night my brother was reading this website. He was upset because a person by the name of Bailey, a person endorsed by this very we

Not that it will help your brother now, but this guy should at least be reported to the health department. Depending on the state he could face criminal charges for knowingly infecting someone. I went through a similar ordeal and it's hard to prove and next to impossible to prosecute anyone unless there are multiple complaints from various partners who are all willing to speak out.

I completely understand your rage and all I can say is that you have got to move on as it sounds you guys are. My entire family went through this rage with me. At one point it was all I could do to convince my brother to not go over and kill the person. I'm not kidding either.

Anyways, I decided for my own health I had to let go of the anger and rage. It won't help anyone or the situation. It still sickens me to see this individual around town with various men and women that have no clue about his status.

Welcome to AIDSMEDS, and welcome to my world. I chose long ago to stop the what ifs.He didn't disclose, and was a candidate for 'fuck-up of the world'. Your brother should have apprised himself of the facts of disease, and the implications of candor before he was in his teen years. He wasn't. We need to work collectively to change that.I may be a bit skewed about things, but I hope you, and your brother, can acheive positive things from this life.

Logged

No Fear No Shame No StigmaHappiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Hmmm...odd to single out Bailey (and why use his real name and not his username, Dingoboi?).

I think you and your brother should also focus on his health. Have you located a doctor that specialises in HIV care? How about insurance? Counseling? I would start there. Whatever Bailey (umm Dingoboi) said or didn't say, isn't going to change your brother's status.

It is unfortunate that this other guy remained initially coy about his status.

It just serves to reinforce how important it is for people to be adamant about their own sexual health. No one else can protect YOU but YOU.

I guess he is very lucky to have someone like you for support. Very lucky indeed.

I have to ask: It looks as though there was a portion of your first post that was cut off there at the end. Could you please elaborate for us? Something about Bailey, was it? An endorsement from this very website?

You are a a great sister. I went through a very similar situation as your brother and felt like I was robbed from my youth and life. I always practiced safe sex and then voluntarily used drugs but was also drugged (can't prove it) in my drink which caused me to forget alot of things I did on a certain night. It's hard to pin point how when and who did it, but it's already to late. When I disclosed my status to my sister, the day after I was diagnosed she didn't take it quite well and it took her 2 months to even acknowledge I was alive. I cried, screamed and did everything you can imagine, because I felt like I didn't deserve it after all I took care of myself it only took one night. Being 26 years old I feared that all my plans and dreams were now to be altered because of this disease but I realized that not everything is finished. After weeks of research on the net and talking to people and finding this website I realized that life goes on. It could be a few years or it can be decades, I don't know. All i know is that there is no time to waste on meaningless things such as resentment and lonliness. 2 months after being diagnosed I feel a little better but I am no longer the person I once was. Your brother needs support and motivation from you and all of his family/friends. He is going to live a long life and you can certainly contribute to his well being by talking to him. Talking and letting him vent is what he needs now. It's ok, to cry with him as well, it will show him how much you love him and care for him, don't be afraid. He needs to forget the past and move on with his life.

Welcome to the forum family. I think it is great that you support your brother and I'm sure he appreciates it. I agree with some of the others that your main focus should be finding him a good doctor and see what other options or assistance is open to your brother. Please tell him not to be discouraged by the post he read, there are many views here. I hope he changes his mind and comes back.

Sorry, Iím not going to be one of those ďwell wishersĒ and welcome you to the forums. The reason being is that I think you are a ďflame baiterĒ and you were put up to make this post. If your brother is infected, Iím truly sorry for his diagnosis but donít even try and make this about Bailey.

You donít know anything about him. And you have taken what was an ďinaneĒ post and made it about something else, you made it personal, and that appears to me at least was the intent of your post, despicable if you ask me, but you didnít.

I will not sit idly by and let you take a comment out of context and make it seem as if it is people like Bailey that got your brother infected. Your brother GOT HIMSELF infected, just like I got myself infected. I am the only one responsible for my own sexual health and well being, no one else, me.

If you want to post, make it relevant and not attacking, we have enough of that shit here already

Logged

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Sorry, Iím not going to be one of those ďwell wishersĒ and welcome you to the forums. The reason being is that I think you are a ďflame baiterĒ and you were put up to make this post. If your brother is infected, Iím truly sorry for his diagnosis but donít even try and make this about Bailey.

You donít know anything about him. And you have taken what was an ďinaneĒ post and made it about something else, you made it personal, and that appears to me at least was the intent of your post, despicable if you ask me, but you didnít.

I will not sit idly by and let you take a comment out of context and make it seem as if it is people like Bailey that got your brother infected. Your brother GOT HIMSELF infected, just like I got myself infected. I am the only one responsible for my own sexual health and well being, no one else, me.

If you want to post, make it relevant and not attacking, we have enough of that shit here already

If you are referring to the threads that were locked, (I am not clear since you didn't finish your last sentence.) It is sad that your brother had to read such irresponsible, callous, comments. I hope your brother also had the chance to read the thread tiltled "I do care don't fuck me." In that thread one of the moderators let Bailey know that his nonconstructive, garbage would not be tolerated and even gave him a warning. So you see, it is not this website per se that is endorsing him. At least some of the moderators are aware that these comments hurt people.

On the other hand, people should know that these attitudes are out there. It is too late for your brother and I am sorry about that. But maybe your brother should invite his friends to read some of these threads. If he can spread the word, then maybe he can keep this from happening to someone else. I know it is not a time machine for him, but he may get some satisfaction from making a difference.

I agree with the others that your exemplary support are very important at this time. I understand your anger, and I hope you know the great majority of people on this site are responsible and work to keep this virus to themselves as most of us don't wish our fate on anybody.

Queen Alaska is right. There are people here who are outraged about people like the guy who infected your brother, and anyone who endorses or even jokes about such a disgusting, disturbing situation. There are no other words for it. Hopefully your brother will see that there are a lot of proactive people on this website, who are doing things to prevent what happened to your brother.

I hope that you and your brother will come back for our support, and to share more of your story.

The reason I made it about Bailey, and I know his name because my brother reads this website alot will become apparent when I finish my thought.

Saturday night my brother pointed out the thread where Bailey aka dingoboy (I have since watched his blog) said something like "fuck em, literally".

My brother was upset by the fact that this person who is well known on a website he visits made such a shocking statement. My brother feels (and so do I) that this person is essentially endorsed by this websitebecause he is given a forum.

We were both upset by the reaction of many people who were more upset that someone called Bailey aka dingoboi on his comment than by the comment itself.

We were both upset to see that the reasoning used to justify the behavior of the person who infected my brother is so commonly employed here.

My brother reads all the blogs and watches Bailey's. This was one of the resources mentioned to him last year at the San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Center.

Here are some facts about my brother. His CD4 count is 542, VL 11,000. His percentage is 22 percent. We have checked into his options for treatment as he has no insurance. Luckily we are in Califiornia, and people generally have fewer problems receiving ADAP funding for treatment than in other less economically prosperous states.

My brother knows that he does not have to go on treatment now.

As far as reporting this person to the authorities, neither my brother nor anyone in our family want to go through that. We are taking this one day at a time.

I think I have a right to call anyone on the carpet who uses a well funded web site to express his opinions when I strongly disagree with them.

I think that people should understand that personal responsibility is important, but so is social responsibility. My brother acted in a personally irresponsible manner by not using a condom. The person who infected him acted in a socially iressponsible manner by not using a condom. If just one party exercised responsibility, my brother would not have been infected that night.

Anyone who wishes to contact me may email me at keishaeastbay@yahoo.com. I and my brother are very real, just as people like dingoboi bailey, who don't care if they infect anyone are as well.

If you are referring to the threads that were locked, (I am not clear since you didn't finish your last sentence.) It is sad that your brother had to read such irresponsible, callous, comments. I hope your brother also had the chance to read the thread tiltled "I do care don't fuck me." In that thread one of the moderators let Bailey know that his nonconstructive, garbage would not be tolerated and even gave him a warning. So you see, it is not this website per se that is endorsing him. At least some of the moderators are aware that these comments hurt people.

On the other hand, people should know that these attitudes are out there. It is too late for your brother and I am sorry about that. But maybe your brother should invite his friends to read some of these threads. If he can spread the word, then maybe he can keep this from happening to someone else. I know it is not a time machine for him, but he may get some satisfaction from making a difference.

I agree with the others that your exemplary support are very important at this time. I understand your anger, and I hope you know the great majority of people on this site are responsible and work to keep this virus to themselves as most of us don't wish our fate on anybody.

Queen Alaska is right. There are people here who are outraged about people like the guy who infected your brother, and anyone who endorses or even jokes about such a disgusting, disturbing situation. There are no other words for it. Hopefully your brother will see that there are a lot of proactive people on this website, who are doing things to prevent what happened to your brother.

I hope that you and your brother will come back for our support, and to share more of your story.

rob

I'm curious... does supporting a new member have to include dragging an existing one down?

As far as reporting this person to the authorities, neither my brother nor anyone in our family want to go through that. We are taking this one day at a time.

Uh, this wasn't recommended for vengeance, but to protect others. You know, like you requested that folks like Dingoboi should protect the uninfected. Kind of hypocritical not to report him considering what you've stated.

Anyone who wishes to contact me may email me at keishaeastbay@yahoo.com. I and my brother are very real, just as people like dingoboi bailey, who don't care if they infect anyone are as well.

Just my two cents

That's pretty intense coming from someone who seems to have taken a sarcastic comment completely out of context.

Because of this comment, I stand with SdGirl and refuse to welcome you here with open arms and well wishes. Perhaps you should get to know everyone's individual personalities on here before making such harsh judgements towards members...

Who put you up to this bullshit? If you wanted support, you would have left quoting someone elses post out of, it especially since you have NO IDEA about anyone on here, but you didn't want support did you? You wanted to keep driving that tired ass point home............

Logged

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

I know you are very upset right now and you are entitled to but I think that Bailey should by now realize that his jokes can make people very upset but Dingoboi didn't get your brother infected your brother and the person who had sex with him are the two to blame. I've gotten persecuted by a few people for having all this so called information and ways to prevent getting HIV but mistakes happen and it is unfortunate that we have to pay such a high price for our mistakes. Although Dingoboi may have made some irresponsible comments we are not here to attack anyone, addressing our disloyalty to his opinions once is enough. Your brother will be fine as long as he doesnt get re-infected again and takes good care of his health. Don't waste your energy in spite. Even though I got infected without being in my full senses, I blame myself for using substances which led me to have unprotected sex. I am 50% responsible for what I did, even though I believe it could have been prevented if the person would have used protection but there are evil people in this world, now I trust no one.

Like mentioned before reporting him or mentioning the person who infected you're brother isn't necessarily getting back at someone or even vengeance as mentioned but in fact this person may go around infecting others on purpose. What this person did is in fact criminal even though you're brother or anyone nowdays have to believe there are a lot of conditions and diseases that can be transmitted and these arent all diseases of th 70's Hep C and some other new ones are pretty bad. Having said that this person committed a criminal act he did something just as bad as a dagerouus assault or even worse he is contributing to the increase of HIV/AIDS ststaistics growing every year. The fact that the person showed no remorse is in fact enough reason to do something.

I hope you won't let a few negative posts keep you from coming here for support. You should tell your brother to tell his story himself, when he gets the strength. I don't know how good it would be for his health to be exposed to some of these posts right now. And this website is as much yours as anyone who has a voice. Don't let them discourage you. Again I am sorry about your brothers situation. I do think you should press charges on the guy who did this to him, if you can prove that he actually knew it. But again, this should be after your brother is well enough to procede. He should really take care of his health first. Though you meant well to give your e-mail, I don't advise it. Don't take this too personally. Again your focus should be on getting your brother well.

To all the people who have made kind comments, I do appreciate the support.

My mom, my brother and I have been through tough times before. I am glad that I was with him when I took him to the ER. I also go with him when he gets his labs done.

I know that bailey/dingoboi did not infect my brother. It is just that reading his cold harsh words made me feel like I was being punched in the stomach. Wow, I honestly thought that the guy who infected my brother was a rare kind of beast. I guess I was wrong.

Both my brother and I have lost a lot of our innocence this last year. The world is full of cold hearted people, so the rude and nasty people on this website attacking me right now won't drag me down. My brother and I have more important things to do. I am in graduate school and he is in his first year of college. We are there for eachother. That is what is most important.

Hopefully with the new treatments on the horizon, he will never develop AIDS. I hope and pray for this every day. He has a strong attitude and enough respect for his fellow human beings to make sure that he uses condoms and discloses his status, so that he never does to anyone else what was done to him.

Unfortunately there are people on this website who feel it is wrong to attack someone and then they attack you. But you and your brother will find people here who are supportive, it's just best not to call out people. Tell your bro to get the medical attention he needs and if you decide to press charges on the guy who infected your bro, he well deserves it. Anyone who is knows he/she is positive and is having unprotected sex deserves criminal punishment. Hope all goes well.

You know what? I hope more people like your brother DO read comments like the ones Bailey is being maligned for. And even though I suspect it was posted in sarcastic jest, I also kinda hope he never comes forth to say so. Why? Because people like your brother are better served if he doesn't. If we are going to put on any phoney airs about it, we are probably doing the world a better favor by assuming the more sinister posture. If we go on endlessly with these grand statements of, "Oh I would NEVER do this!" or "I wouldn't DREAM of doing that to another poor soul in this world", then we run the risk of lulling people into a false sense of security...just like your brother claims to have been lulled by this other guy.

You see where that sweet sentiment got him.

Maybe a wolf at the door is what people need the most. A little fear might also bring some wisdom beforehand rather than after.

The reason that we did not pursue criminal charges had a great deal to do with my advice to my brother. The research I have done on dealing with HIV indicates that stress causes damage to a person's immological defense system. He has enough stress working and going to college. In all of this he has remained a top student with a top GPA. I want his CD4 count to stay as close to the normal range as possible.

He also feels that he gets more trying to live a responsible life than by thinking about the person who did this to him. He was even an invited speaker at one of the classes at his college to discuss being young, African American, gay and HIV positive. He wants to rise above what happened.

I believe in Karma. Cause and effect. What we do has consequences. I feel that the person who did this to my brother will have to deal with his actions eventually. Besides, the criminal justice system rarely reforms anyone. My hope is that someday he changes his ways and protects others. I am not not sure that jail will teach him to become a better human being.

Once again, to those kind individuals, thank you again for your kind words.

Keisha

As far as reading the other blogs I have read a few, Jonathan's and Ann's. They are good.

I kow you made your point about not pressing charges, but I truly think you guys should consider it. What he did is just stomach churning. I would look up how long you have to file charges. Maybe in the future your brother might want to pursue this, when he has had time to heal and would be strong enough not to be adversely affected.

I would encourage your brother to get support here, but it looks like he has a lot of support with you and where you live, and as you found out, you have to have a very thick skin.

Having AIDS/HIV is weird. Some days I feel strong, and truly feel like I can conquer anything. Other times stupid things like posts of people who don't really matter can bring me down, and just plain anger me. I guess it has to do with only being three months into my diagnosis.

Your brother will be fine, he is lucky he found out before more dammage was done to his body. And no HIV lite does not exist, but things are a million times better than they used to be.

The biggest point to your story is that HIV is real, and people who don't care about sharing this disease are also real. However those of us who truly wish you and your brother well are also real.

And like the nurse who gave me my first hepatitis shot on the first day of meeting with the ID team said. your brother will "live to be a crusty old man."

Keisha, please stop with your attacks on Bailey. You're entitled to disagree with his remarks as you interpret them. You've made your feelings clear. But attacks are something else, so Enough.

The really important issue here is your brother, his health and where and how he goes on from here. I would hope we might hear from him directly before long.

As someone with who is clearly concerned about your HIV+ brother you are welcome to participate. But your passion and upset about what has happened with your brother, however understandable, does not give you permission to start laying into another member here.

What I do hope is that this thread will get back to being about keisha brother and the issues she is dealing with... not side drivel like prior comments I've made, which I do believe were taken out of context but i can understand how they were.

I appreciate messages I've gotten from other people but let THIS thread get back to what it's about... her brother. My posts have nothing to do with that and discussing them in this thread won't help THIS situation.

I do plan on posting a thread of my own soon and any debate of my comments can be reserved for that thread... but please do not continue this here.

I do understand how such comments can be hurtful to newly infected and that wasn't my intention at all.

It seems to me that you have things pretty much in order when it comes to your brother's health. Good job. I am sorry that your brother had to learn the hard way that there are people out there that don't care who they give it to. Many get away with it and others go to jail. I personally had a friend who got caught up when it came to disclosing. When I got infected by an ex, I was very angry and angry at God and anyone I could think of. I couldn't understand why he couldn't have been honest but that's another story. The truth is it happens and you got to be responsible for you. I also believe in karma and just like you, I feel he will get his in the end.

I can understand why your brother does not seek to pursue it and agrees it would prolly cause a lot of stress. It would prolly also bring a lot of attention to your brother and that is something he doesn't need right now considering that he is so newly diagnosed. We can all give our opinions on what we would do but the real choice is your brother's.

Do you mean there are people with HIV going round having unprotected sex? I donít believe it.

Are you trying to tell me people without HIV are not using condoms? I wonít believe it.

I believe most people on this site when they have safe sex with somebody who is negative, but somebody is responsible for all the new infections and it sure ainít Bailey spreading the gift.

It seems such an easy point to make and one that keeps being repeated ad nauseam, but why canít people take responsibility for their own actions? It is not just those with HIV who need to be responsible. The discrimination and criminalisation of HIV people is very distressing and will not stop the spread of HIV.

I was not offended in the slightest by Bailey's comments and think the motivation behind the original thread was dubious at the very least.

I for one do not think Bailey intended the post as it sounded. I do believe the comments to be extremely sarcastic in nature. Understand that was a very argumentative thread and Bailey can argue with the best of them.. Like Bailey said here I can understand how such comments could be hurtful to the newly infected and I also know that was not the intention.

Please ignore the people who are attacking you...

Concentrate on what is important and that is your brother's health and well being. I am glad he has a sister and family who is supportive.

Indiana also requires you to advise a partner of your HIV status. The only problem here is that people dont get tested and therefore they can say anything they want. The person who gave it to me said he was neg but supprise he wasnt. It was my stupid mistake for getting drunk and have sex with him. I have been working with kids for 6 years and know plan on switching to working with gay teens and hiv infected teens in hopes that my dumb moves can help them to not make the same mistake. Stay by your brothers side. Remember that this is not the death sentence that it used to be. God Bless

Im glad that your brother has you! And I welcome you and your brother here with open arms!

HugsTeresa

Same here! Welcome. HIV causes a lot of emotions. Most that have not welcomed you have also posted where their anger or intense emotions come through as ... bitchy. You're human and entitled to err in a post occasionally. I think this goes back to the many posts about what those who are reading the forums for the first time think. We all know about first impressions. We, as posting members, set the tone for these forums. I can also see why you might think Bailey's opinions are 'endorsed' by the website, as his blog used to be (may still be) featured at the top of some pages. Once you get to learn the individual personalities, you'll realize that MOST of us are more bark than bite, though some are quite venomous. It's so easy to attack with words on a website when we most likely wouldn't do that face-to-face.

As to reporting the guy to the health department, it doesn't have to be a criminal report. It can be something as simple as "I recently found out I'm HIV+ and want to list my sexual contacts so they can get tested". The health department (at least here in NC) will contact those people and let them know they've been listed by a person who's HIV+ and that they need to be tested. They'll also keep that report on file. Perhaps the next infectee will persue criminal actions, but at least you guys will have done your part to 'put the guy on notice'. Hopefully, just knowing he's listed somewhere will be enough to cause him to be a bit more upfront about his status in the future. If the guy is on any treatment or has been tested by a health dept. or private Dr., his status has already been reported as required by law. Do it; you may help prevent another HIV infection.

Like Thomas (skeebo1969) said, concentrate on your brother's health and well being. If I was in the same situation and knew who infected me, and knew that he had known he was poz for three years, I'd definitely report to the health dept. We're all responsible for our own sexual safety, but that's really no excuse to infect somebody, which is what he indicated that he wasn't concerned about. You should look before crossing the street, but if I'm a driver and you walk out in front of me, I'll stop before I run over you (but probably blow the horn and flip you off! ).

I can only imagine how upset you and your brother are at this point. It's a terrible reality but there are all types of people in the world...and what to happened to your brother is a horrible example of why its so important to protect yourself. To assume the man in question was NOThiv positive was a devastating mistake for your brother to make but nonetheless HIS MISTAKE. I personally think men who knowingly infect othersare the scum of the earth so don't misunderstand me. But we must also take responsibility for our own actions. A very sad commentary sometimes.However like David suggested I think you should report the guy to the health dept....(which can be done annonymously) It is my contention that ifyou' re not part of the solution...then you're part of the problem...and by reporting him...you maybe saving a life/lives.

Lashing out at a member here on the forum is not going to change your brother's situation...nor is it going to endear you to many who believethat negative actions against another serves only to undermine us all. I understand you are angry but allow me to suggest you postyour thoughts, your concerns and/ or your feelings...without attacking another member. Most of us here are HIV positive and although I do not know whichpost of Bailey's you're refering to ....I believe we all have the right to express ourselves freely. I welcome you and your brother to our little family and I believeyou will find many of us identify with your anger and your pain and will offer our utmost support during this most devastating period in your lives.

The reason that we did not pursue criminal charges had a great deal to do with my advice to my brother. The research I have done on dealing with HIV indicates that stress causes damage to a person's immological defense system. He has enough stress working and going to college. In all of this he has remained a top student with a top GPA. I want his CD4 count to stay as close to the normal range as possible.

He also feels that he gets more trying to live a responsible life than by thinking about the person who did this to him. He was even an invited speaker at one of the classes at his college to discuss being young, African American, gay and HIV positive. He wants to rise above what happened.

I believe in Karma. Cause and effect. What we do has consequences. I feel that the person who did this to my brother will have to deal with his actions eventually. Besides, the criminal justice system rarely reforms anyone. My hope is that someday he changes his ways and protects others. I am not not sure that jail will teach him to become a better human being.

Once again, to those kind individuals, thank you again for your kind words.

Keisha

As far as reading the other blogs I have read a few, Jonathan's and Ann's. They are good.

Hey Keisha,

I don't know what Bingo and Dingo or whoever these people are or what they said and I agree with the others who say keep the focus on you and your brother. Often times these so called support groups become very cliqish and I'm completely behind your statement about stress and moving on. For me, I had to just move on because the initial anger, rage and threats were more than I could deal with.

I've not backed down to the individual in my own case and warned the people I felt at risk. I could only do so much. It literally did start spiraling out of control. Nothing like getting a call at Easter dinner and telling your family your life has been threatened. Like the HIV bit wasn't enough to deal with.

Not everyone on here is a selfish prick who fails to think of anyone but themselves. Just take it with a grain of salt. There are some great people on here and unfortunately personalities will conflict at times. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater ; )

I think it's definitely the right choice your family has made to take the high road. Additional stress from a civil or criminal action is enough to push anyone over the edge and in all likelyhood it wouldn't pan out.

The moderators I think have done a great job on this site. I have a discussion group of my own and I know how hard it can be to keep things on topic and when touchy issues come up it's difficult to handle. I've not read any of the posts you have mentioned and I probably wouldnt' care too. However, you gotta realize some people have some whacked out views and what one may find funny the rest of us are horrified by.

That said, it sounds like you guys are on the right track and his numbers sound excellent. Take what you need out of this site and leave the rest!

Do you mean there are people with HIV going round having unprotected sex? I donít believe it.

Are you trying to tell me people without HIV are not using condoms? I wonít believe it.

I believe most people on this site when they have safe sex with somebody who is negative, but somebody is responsible for all the new infections and it sure ainít Bailey spreading the gift.

It seems such an easy point to make and one that keeps being repeated ad nauseam, but why canít people take responsibility for their own actions? It is not just those with HIV who need to be responsible. The discrimination and criminalisation of HIV people is very distressing and will not stop the spread of HIV.

I was not offended in the slightest by Bailey's comments and think the motivation behind the original thread was dubious at the very least.

I just want to be clear thatI wasn't attacking anyone and in fact I understand what Bailey is saying.The very fact that the perpertrator said in response to infecting Baileys brother "It's not my problem' is in fact criminal in my mind. Yes HIV is strongly discriminated against but I dont think thats the issue here. Who knows how many people this person has infected or about to infect with no remorse it's not like the guy didn't know.When I was diagnosed i was given strict guidlines of conduct. Tell partners, lovers doctors, dentists etc.. that you're HIV+. There is some accountabilty to be had whether or not Bailey will press charges or report it to the Health Dept. or let it be is they're choice. Anyways she has her right of expressing her opinion but there is a wealth of knoweldge here, and many different backgrounds.

Good evening KeishaI am new to this forum, but the things that I have read indicate that these people arethe good ones. I know that some how and in time your family will find the strength and the motivation to smile again.C1

I am sorry to hear about your borther's situation, but he is very lucky to have a sister like you..... Hang in there, it can be tough in the beginning but know that it is not the end of the world. There many many hopes out there. As long as you both remain strong, you can beat this disease.

You don't have to file criminal charges to feel you have done something. A lot of us here have taken steps to volunteer to help make a difference or are thinking to do so Like Indyguy. I think what your brother is doing by giving of his time will in the end be more healing than going through a long drawn out battle. I hope your brother has at leas reported him to the health department as David NC said was an option.

I commend Dingoboi for wishing you well. And i think i could extend an olive branch if he so chooses to see that possibility.

I am all with David NC that we set the tone for this website and being newly infected (as I am as well) can stir up a lot of emotions. Hell ,even people who are HIV veterans get into it from time time. I don't think anyone should be attacked for stating an opinion, but outrageous comments that are not really constructive can sometimes do more harm than good. I think that is something that we have all learned in the past few days.

I wish you and your brother a lot luck on the bumpy yet navigable road ahead. And yes we can all make a difference one person at a time.

I have met people here that I can call on the phone and we are there for each other. Perhaps that is the most valuable thing I have gained from this website. In fact someone called me today and they were down and I hope I was supportive and a friend, as knwoing this friend has been great for me. I have discussed things with this guy that I have not with anyone else because we are kinda brothers in an odd sort of way. I think these friendships are real and can be essential in getting through the tough times.

I wish you and your brother well. By the way I do some volunteer work. If you feel I could be of some assistance you can IM me.