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Thursday, 10 September 2015

10th September 1935 - Terrick to Mary

Darling, this is a rotten letter. I have just read it through and it doesn't express one quarter of what I could feel.35 Nevern PlaceS.W.510th September 1935Darling Mary Pleasant,I have asked for Keswick 106 - The Hazeldene Hotel - on the phone and am just waiting for it to come through. I hope you are there but I believe it is very full. I have had several complaints from clients there lately that they have been made to sleep out.I am writing to say how sorry I am that I hurt you in my last letter. I love you so I wouldn't hurt you if it cost me my life. I mean intentionally.

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That call is coming through in an hour's time. That will be ten past ten. I do hope you're there.

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You see, though it did just cross my mind that it was possible for it to be someone else who had gone in after you, I thought it too far-fetched. By the same post I got your postcard and knew that you had at least been within few yard & minutes of seeing him.

And I did not think you were insulting, nor did I say that you were rude to people. I thought you hadn't spoken to him though you wanted to, because you were too nervous. And I said you had no manners because with other people your strong emotions make you forget to do the right thing - like ignoring a lady guest and handing food first some man you like. I have never known you intentionally be rude to anyone & didn't mean that you were now.

I did at first mean, not to write to you, not to spoil Fort William, but then the only way I could think of that would straighten things out between my father & you was for you to write to him. That is why I wanted to hear from you right away what you were doing. I'm sorry, dear, if I was rough, but as soon as I realised what was supposed to have happened I didn't stop a second to brood on it, but instantly cast round for a way out of it.

Forgive me, dear, for being thoughtless of your feelings; but try to understand what I felt at hearing from my father & that in writing to you directly I got home (I got your letter just as I was off for Leeds) I was taking the only possible steps (as I justifiably thought) to make things right for us two.

I suppose shocks like this are good tests for us, but, oh my dear, I am so sorry. I always used to think those men in novels (generally by women) fools who, when they were given all sorts of concocted false evidence against their lady-loves, believed it. And here am I at the very first opportunity doing the same.

When I had sent the letter I kept myself from thinking of you opening it, especially at Fort William; but now that I know the truth, it is awful to think of.

I am so glad you have found the country so lovely. It is the most wonderful time of year for Scotland. I was amazed to hear your description of Pool's Hotel. I have always heard it was so good. Southlands I know well from the outside.

How wonderful about Andy! £10.10s0d is very good pay for a story of that length. I must finished Munter's conscience.

I got the answer from the Customs. They want documentary evidence, if possible of the cost of the articles or, failing that "state the values, which, if deemed sufficient, will be accepted as a basis for duty". They want 50% of the value of the camera and 33⅓ of the value of the Tempophot. I have written to Eileen for a price leaflet for the latter. You'll have to ask the Aumunds about the camera, because though we know the make we don't know the model. Didn't Inge once say how much hers had cost? I understood it to be about 15 to 20 Rm. The duty still leaves them cheaper than in England I expect; certainly it does in my case.

I can get a conductor to bring the things up to London. It will be safer than posting them.

Last week I bought a splicer and made a winder from Meccano and spent six hours on end editing the bathing film. It is now finished except for a title.

That old film I used out at Schwaneberg when I had nothing else, was completely fogged. Nothing came out at all.

Eileen has sent us the wedding menu with a photograph of Schwaneberg on it. One item is "Hazel-nut-half-frozen"!

On Sunday Renny and I went to see "The Crusades" together, the first time we have been out to a show together for literally years. It was tripe, but the battle scenes were quite well done.

It is now five to ten. That call might not be long now. Our rep at Keswick is a complete failure, so today we sent up Stone, the man who took Jill to Paris, to take his place. How is Jill getting on?

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Oh darling, it was shaking to hear your voice again. I did feel I had been a beast. Do try & forgive me if I'm stupid over not considering your inside thoughts. I do love you so. And I'm so sorry to have caused you all this pain. I'll be very, very careful of you, dear, in future.