Monday, January 7, 2013

{21 days: day 1}

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore

to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51: 10-12

For the next 21 days I am journaling about a prayer/fasting that I am participating in. I felt a need to come closer to a quiet time to really listen to what God is telling me. I've been too busy, too lazy, too hungry...to really be still and listen. I needed this to clear my mind and heart and let the worldly things fade away so I can see Jesus' face.

Today I began by asking what were a few things in my life that were distracting. I get really caught up in what others are doing and then start comparing what I don't have, and jealousy sinks in really quickly.

-no Facebook, social media (but keeping up with my own blog to journal)

-no caffeine or carbonated drinks

-no alcohol

-attend weekly prayer meetings

-no fried food, no red meat

This morning I sat with hot tea (decaf) and the study was just about showing up. Just show up and listen. Show up and pray. Prayers that started and stopped. Prayers that were just one word.

I studied and prayed over 2 Corinthians 12:10.

...."for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Dear Heavenly Father,

My heart is heavy, heavy and aching for strength. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to find strength. Help me to find strength. Help me to stop and listen. Listen for your will for Duncan and I starting a family. It has been so sad and difficult for us, we are weak, but we know you are strong. I am fearful of the future.

Thank you day 1. Thank you for reassuring me that just showing up, just showing up to feel is enough.