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Monday, May 23, 2011

5 Expressions I Can't Stand

5) “The Exception that Proves the Rule”

This one makes absolutely no sense. If there's a rule, then how can there be an exception? If there's an exception, it's not a rule. You always fall back on this when someone knocks apart your generalizations and you need to backpedal. It probably made sense, in, like, 1592, when all of those words had totally different meanings. Now, we're just dragging it out to save face. No one seems to notice that it doesn't actually mean anything.

The Maginot Line worked great! Except for that one time... -- U.S. Signal Corps

4) “You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover”

Yes, you can. Book covers are designed with this very purpose in mind. Most book covers even include a written description of what's inside the book – so you can judge it.

I know, I know – we're talking about people, not books. I'm not saying you should judge someone by their skin color or their hairstyle or the number of knife wounds they have received. But most people try to present themselves a certain way, and this is commonly acknowledged as a form of self-expression.

I hear a lot of people complaining about this one. “I never understood that expression,” people say. “It makes no sense,” people say. Of course it makes no sense – you're doing it wrong.

The real expression is supposed to be “The proof of the pudding is in the eating.” Somebody somewhere got confused, and now we have a monster.

2) “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Fence”

No. The grass is always greener over the septic tank. Anyone with eyes in his head can see that.

Don't go over there, you'll regret it. -- Pink Sherbet Photography

1) “You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too”

So what's the point of having cake if you're not allowed to eat it? What are you going to do with it, if you're not going to eat it? Have it bronzed?

Use it to taunt orphans? -- Mochatern

One of my good friends, Smarty McSmartass, pointed out that, “Well, if you eat the cake, you don't have it anymore.” Au contraire, my smartass friend. If you eat the cake, it becomes a part of you, and then you have it forever. You Are What You Eat, right?

"Plenty of fish in the sea," (so long as no one wants to eat them, because thoooooose fishies are losing ground fast-- just like people you'd actually want to date); "It's a small world after all," (fucking annoying song, A, and B, it wasn't always a small world, and now that it is, we should let go of our religious paranoia and get this shit organized already); "Water under the bridge." That one used to confuse the heck out of me until I finally, finally heard "Bridge over Troubled Water." Is that what the saying is referring to? If so, how can there be a saying that outlasts its origin?