(Closed) starting anti-depressants, hubs doesn't understand

I started counseling a few weeks ago and last week we talked about me starting meds. I didn’t think I’d get the prescription so fast, but I met with my counselor on Thurs, called my primary care dr Friday and they fit me in that afternoon. So I didn’t even have time to talk to Darling Husband about the meds before I had my script filled.

I have taken meds before, when I was a freshman in college, for a few months. Depression runs in my family.I have struggled on an off over the years and have been in and out of counseling since my parents divorced when I was a kid.

I don’t know how to convince my husband that my being depressed and takings medications does not mean that he’s a bad husband, provider or that I don’t love him anymore. I can’t get him to see that it’s not about him. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love my life with him and my son or that I’m unhappy with I love him and wouldn’t change him being my husband and having our son for anything in the world.

He lost his job this year (to no fault of his own, school cuts, he was one of 100+ teachers cut) and that has really been stressful. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m just unhappy with how my life with his is turning out. Sure, I wish he hadn’t gotten cut, but it’s not like he got fired for not doing a good job.

Any suggestions? He’s pretty worked up and I don’t go back to my counselor until Wednesday, but we don’t go in together until the following week.

I had a very similar issue. I’ve been on antidepressants for over a year, and seeing my coucnellor for even longer. His biggest issue was that he thought I was telling the coucncellor things I should have been telling him. I explained to him that it wasn’t that I couldn’t tell him, it was that my councellor gave me answers he couldn’t give me.

Same with the drugs, it wasn’t that he couldn’t help me, it was that he couldn’t help me in the way I needed. I told him he helps keep me sane, the drugs help keep me level headed and the person he needs me to be.

But I agree with @seevan07: give him some books or websites or something, because this is about you and not about him

So few people understand depression, that it’s not surprising. If you had cancer, he would want you to get chemotherapy, right? It’s kind of the same thing…depression is an illness, and sometimes when you are ill, you need medicine to help you get better.

It isn’t a reflection on you OR him. It’s an imbalance in your body, and your counselor and doctor think you need the extra boost of the antidepressants to help you get better sooner.

I agree with PPs suggestion to find some good books or even just a couple of websites with basic information on depression to direct him to. Not sure, but the website for the drug you’re taking may be a good place to start.

It will be hard for him to take your word at first. My dad and brother still dont understand what i go through, even though i am both a counselor and a client. A website/book or even a joint meeting with the therapist would probably be more useful.

You should see if you can bring him with you to your therapist so he can hear some things from a pro and understand that you’re getting treatment for an illness, not complaining about your terrible life with him.

This is the best approach. While I used to take it personally sometimes when me and Fiance started dating, I realized that he gets manic/depressed and emotional sometimes because of his PTSD the more I decided to learn about it. As a marine since 2001 (now retired as of September 4, 2011),he was been deployed twice to Iraq & Afghanistan and it has left scars. We work through it together, though, and I am always wide awake when he cries over a nightmare or ready to console him when he gets a little crazy over something mundane. He takes Klonopin.

You’ve gotten great advice regarding the meds so I figured I’d give my two cents about the job situation. Can he do some private tutoring to bring in money? He has teching skills and school is back in session. Maybe he should make an ad on craigslist or find a website that connects tutors to students. Just a thought…

My ex-husband was a real jerk about my getting help for my depression. I was making big gains because of my therapy, which he perceived as a threat. He didn’t want me to change my attitude at all. When I took medication, he called them “crazy pills”. Me getting better upset the apple cart in our relationship and ended in its demise. I sincerely hope your husband has compassion and that you can work through this together. :/

I’m not sure this is an accurate comparison, but I explained depression to my mom by comparing it to PMS. Chemical/hormonal changes in your body that alter your mood (and with PMS make you moody/bitchy/emotional). You can seemingly have the happiest life with all the amenities but still feel sad due to changes on your body.

@wabisabi: I went through a similar issue with my now husband when I needed to change my meds for anxiety and fibromyalgia. He’s a very smart guy but just didn’t understand how I couldn’t just “buck up” and “be happy” and not be so tired. I took him with me to several appointments with my CBT therapist and also my psychiatrist so he could ask questions and the doctors could help him understand. It made a huge difference. I wasn’t so upset that he didn’t understand and he felt better about the whole situation since he now understood what I was going through.

Is taking him with you to appointments something he would be open to? Would you be open to it?

The way I like to explain my illness to people who aren’t familiar with it is that it’s just like any other sickness. I can’t help that I have depression any more than someone could help getting cancer. It doesn’t matter what is going on in my life, there is an imbalance in my brain. If you can get your husband to think of it that way, it may help. He can’t love away depression any more than he could cancer.