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Topic: Stealing someone's thunder on FB (Read 6781 times)

Ironically, Rob and Michelle were unhappy with Naomi because she couldn't keep mum about their pregnancy with Caitlin. And yet, there was Michelle, announcing Jeff and Allie's engagement.

I'm wondering, who told Michelle? Was she urged to keep quiet about it? And told how long the embargo would last?

If a couple wants to keep information under wraps, it would be helpful if they said so. Michelle was clear about the baby information. Were the happy couple clear about their plans for sharing the news more widely?

An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

If I were Jeff and Allie, I would be so, so disappointed that I didn't get to share MY news myself before a sibling/friend/relative did it for me. That's why I think Michelle posting was rude. It was not her news to share. IMO, it doesn't matter whether friends of Jeff and Allie care who shared the news, it's about Michelle taking the fun and excitement out of a once-in-a-lifetime moment for Jeff and Allie. After all, you only get one (presumably) chance to announce your engagement to friends and family and if it were me, I would be very disappointed to have this taken from me by a Buttinski relative who couldn't keep her mouth shut.

And this is why I have my settings set so no one can tag me without my approval. Now, of course, they can still type my name and news... but it won't be hotlinked to my account and won't notify all my family of whatever exciting news I may want to share myself... or point them toward that awkward photo I didn't know cousin Sam still had of me as a teen

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"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

this is a topic close to my heart, my cousin is pregnant, but the last couple of pregnancies haven't completed, iykwim.

she has told close family and none of us would even dream of putting something about it on facebook for everyone to see, because its her news to share.heck i don't even share stuff on there about myself.

Ironically, Rob and Michelle were unhappy with Naomi because she couldn't keep mum about their pregnancy with Caitlin. And yet, there was Michelle, announcing Jeff and Allie's engagement.

I'm wondering, who told Michelle? Was she urged to keep quiet about it? And told how long the embargo would last?

If a couple wants to keep information under wraps, I would expect them to say so. Michelle was clear about the baby information. Were the happy couple clear about their plans for sharing the news more widely?

I'm not sure Jeff and Allie had time to give it that much thought. They are just people. They aren't engaging in public relations campaigns with a communication strategy and press releases with embargo dates.

Jeff and Allie were engaged rather late in the evening. Jeff surprised Allie with the proposal. Jeff texted us after 10 p.m. that night to tell us she'd accepted. He texted his brothers with the news. I'm assuming Rob told Michelle. Jeff and Allie were excited and reveling in their happiness. They wanted to share it with family. They weren't thinking about communication strategy. They went to bed. It was getting late. And within 12 hours of Jeff's texts, Michelle posted it on FB.

For the sake of comparison, Rob and Michelle knew they were pregnant for several weeks before they decided to tell family. They had time to develop their preferred communication strategy. And as I mentioned in a PP, when Rob and Michelle were engaged, we all knew about it before they made their public announcement -- just as we did with Jeff and Allie. Rob and Michelle didn't tell anyone not to reveal the information before they did. We had the good sense and common courtesy to let Rob and Michelle make their own announcement first. Jeff and Allie didn't jump in and make the announcement for them, and neither did anyone else.

To me, it's a matter of common sense and good manners to let the HC make their announcement first. It's what Michelle expected for herself when she's had her own significant life events. I know people will have different opinions about whether this is an etiquette violation, and it's good to hear them.

To me, it's a matter of common sense and good manners to let the HC make their announcement first. It's what Michelle expected for herself when she's had her own significant life events. I know people will have different opinions about whether this is an etiquette violation, and it's good to hear them.

I agree.

But I think there could be honest misunderstandings about what it means to "make an announcement."

Ironically, Rob and Michelle were unhappy with Naomi because she couldn't keep mum about their pregnancy with Caitlin. And yet, there was Michelle, announcing Jeff and Allie's engagement.

I'm wondering, who told Michelle? Was she urged to keep quiet about it? And told how long the embargo would last?

If a couple wants to keep information under wraps, it would be helpful if they said so. Michelle was clear about the baby information. Were the happy couple clear about their plans for sharing the news more widely?

How fast can they call people? I just think people should wait 24 hours minimum before they talk about other people's big news.

But I think for someone like Michelle, it's all about her anyway. It's not even really about her kid; she just pretends it is, so she can claim she's not being selfish.

I do think Michelle was rude to post the information, especially so soon after hearing it herself. I don't think it fundamentally has anything to do with Facebook or posting it from the POV of her daughter, though--like I said, there have always been gossips and people who spilled other people's news, they can just do it faster to a wider audience now, and in cutesy multimedia ways.

I get that Jeff and Allie were just super-excited and not thinking "communication strategy," but it sounds like Michelle has a history of doing this sort of thing. She was rude but not surprising, in other words. In the future I think the best response is to just dry up the info supply, both to Michelle and to anyone who would tell her. A well-meaning person might accidentally jump the gun or get their wires crossed once, and you could say to them, "Just so you know, I was disappointed you did that, because I was looking forward to telling people myself," and they would be like, "Crud monkeys, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking!" and they'd never do it again. But someone who does it repeatedly--while not connecting it to the idea of wanting to control their own information--I just don't see the point of saying anything to them. I just don't think they'd get it.

Story: At a staff meeting once, it was announced that a co-worker, Jenny, was pregnant. She was probably at least four months along, as we had already begun to suspect. After the meeting, I emailed some former co-workers who I thought would be interested in the news, who I thought wouldn't find out any other way. At least one of them emailed Jenny with congrats, and she got mad at me--she had been planning to tell that particular person herself, as they had remained in contact. I see now that since it was her news, I shouldn't have taken it upon myself to spread it, no matter what (or at least asked her first). But, I had reasoned that since she was announcing it at the staff meeting, she now considered it "public knowledge," and had already told anyone she wanted to tell personally. Obviously this wasn't the case, which didn't make sense to me; but what I learned was that it making sense to me isn't the point, I should have checked with her first.

Ironically, Rob and Michelle were unhappy with Naomi because she couldn't keep mum about their pregnancy with Caitlin. And yet, there was Michelle, announcing Jeff and Allie's engagement.

I'm wondering, who told Michelle? Was she urged to keep quiet about it? And told how long the embargo would last?

If a couple wants to keep information under wraps, it would be helpful if they said so. Michelle was clear about the baby information. Were the happy couple clear about their plans for sharing the news more widely?

How fast can they call people? I just think people should wait 24 hours minimum before they talk about other people's big news.

But I think for someone like Michelle, it's all about her anyway. It's not even really about her kid; she just pretends it is, so she can claim she's not being selfish.

I agree and I'm glad no one did this to us when we got engaged. We were on vacation, called the parents, and called / emailed a few close friends over the next several days - we didn't put anything on Facebook for about a week, to give us time to remember who we would want to tell more personally. I would have been upset if my SIL posted something, especially from the POV of her baby (mostly because I find that kind of thing dumb as a matter of course).

But OP, I think the happy couple should still post whatever they want to. We didn't do an "announcement" just a status change, but we got a lot of likes and happy comments (including from people who we had told, but who were happy to have an appropriate semi-public way to say congrats). It was really nice - and I'm not someone for putting up a lot of personal stuff on FB.

An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

This, exactly. Iím always sort of rolling my eyes when I see people getting upset about these things.

Also, anybody who might feel they should have heard it first from Jeff and Allie is going to completely recognize Michelle's post for what it is. They're going to be rolling their eyes at her, and feeling sympathetic, a bit, for Jeff and Allie.

An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

This, exactly. Iím always sort of rolling my eyes when I see people getting upset about these things.

Well, true. But I think posting news that has nothing to do with you from the perspective of a baby is equally worthy of eye-rolling.

An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

This, exactly. Iím always sort of rolling my eyes when I see people getting upset about these things.

Well, true. But I think posting news that has nothing to do with you from the perspective of a baby is equally worthy of eye-rolling.

I don't disagree, but things that make me roll my eyes I generally scroll past without really reading. If this was a photo of the baby, and Michelle's baby posts annoyed me, I would probably have completely missed the "announcement."