Thursday, February 2, 2012

Sometimes...

Do they look at me and think, "There is the woman who is living in a hotel"

Do they think I'm happy, sad, hurt, confused.

We are who we are because of those who are in our lives. Without Alex, I wouldn't be a wife.

Without Nehemiah, Virginia and Jana, I wouldn't be a Mom.

Without my parents, I wouldn't be a daughter.

Without Stephanie, Nicole, Joseph, Jason, Jordan and Jesse, I wouldn't be a sister.

Without Micah, Adaliah, Jadyn, and Titus, I wouldn't be an Aunt.

Earlier tonight I dropped my brother off at the school and saw a girl, and I wondered if she knew Jason, and wondered if she looked at me as a girl who lost her brother.

Thing is, I didn't lose my brother, I know where he is. I KNOW I'll see him again. It was a terrible day that Jason left this World, but he's rejoicing and waiting.

But still I wonder, have people forgotten him? Or do they look at me with pity?

Do they look at me and wonder if I've lost my mind for having a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

I hear so many negative comments about having children that close that people don't stop to hear that I love it. I cannot imagine my life without these three blessings.

Do people see that I adore my husband? Do they notice that I struggle to be a better wife? Can they tell that he makes me so happy, but he's also the one who could break my heart if he wanted to.

Do people pity me, or are they jealous? Can they see the bags under my eyes from staying up too late, worrying about things that will wait until tomorrow. Can they tell that I was up countless times with my kids, because they need me, they're hungry, thristy, in need of the bathroom?

Or....do they see me? A Wife, a Mom, a Sister, cousin, friend, aunt, daughter-in-law, neice, a person who needs loved.

3 comments:

Very well written Maria (it must run in the family). You need not worry about what "other" people think about you. YOU know who you are, your family know who you are, and your close friends know who you are. Those are all that matter.

For the record, when I look at you (which, we don't see each other too often, but still) I see a strong person & a wonderful mother. I don't pity you, nor am I jealous (ok, just a bit jealous that you're lucky enough to have your husband with you every day. I can't wait till my hubby is here!!). I see that your parents have done an amazing job at raising you & all your brothers & sisters. You all seem so close to one another & all the little ones are so happy.

I know that I don't know you as well as others, but I am a pretty good judge of people and you my dear, are one of the good people :) You make me laugh & you truly care about others. You have so many good qualities & I'm lucky that I "know" you in the way that I do.

So remember, don't you pay any mind to what others think. Just keep being the person you are. Trust me, the world would benefit if there were more people in it like you & your family ♥

When will you get word about hubby moving? He is the one moving, right?? Not you!?

I try not to get reflective, but I was taking Jesse to play practice (He's going to be in Beauty & the Beast :) ) and I saw a girl and wondered if she knew Jason, and if Jason's old friends think of me as his sister, or if they even know who I am.

It's so quick to judge someone on their appearances. Many times Nehemiah has had his shoes on the wrong feet, shirt backwards, and hair a mess. It's not that I'm a bad Mom, I'm letting him learn to pick his own clothes and get himself dressed. He's been dressing himself since before he was 2....and now I'm letting him get his own clothes.

People might look at me and notice my eyebrows look more like caterpillars these days, but they don't know that I'm living in a hotel and everytime I go home I forget to grab my tweezers, and making an appt is hard b/c Alex works all the days that my salon is open.

It's easy to judge a Mom who is losing her patience with her kids and tell yourself you won't do that, but we might not know that her husband works 12 hours, the kids haven't felt well, and Mom is tired.

I try to remind myself that while others can't see all of me....I also can't see all of them.

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