2012-07-18

Well, from the moment you started watching Big Bang Theory and realized that the character of Sheldon Cooper was played by a giant flaming sodomite, you were probably doing what I did, mentally starting a countdown to see how long it was before the character wound up in drag.

2012-07-14

I don't know which pancake breakfast during this year's Calgary Stampede was the best.

I do, however, know which was the worst.

How about a Stampede breakfast where you were only given two pancakes and two sausages (both of which were cold, and apparently not cooked on-site), no eggs or other goodies, where the coffee was subpar and there was only non-dairy creamer (Coffeemate) available to put in it?

Now how about having only a few outdoor tables, most of them reserved, and then the remainder of the seating inside an extremely smelly beer tent?

Sounds pretty bad, huh? Now imagine this whole experience costs $25 per person, and congratulations, you have envisioned the Cowboys Stampede Pancake Breakfast

Imagine 150 people all simultaneously thinking "Paul Vickers, you are an asshole".

2012-07-04

You can't go anywhere anymore where there are people with loud car stereos on Canada Day without hearing this song, Classified's 2009 hit "Oh... Canada"

The funniest parts of the song, to my ears at least, are the outright blatant errors. First off, let's check the lyrics to see how he attacks people who have stereotypical views of Canadians:

I've been around the globe and heard the confusion

honestly a lot of y'all are ignorant and stupid

yes, we have microwaves, tvs and cell phones

unintelligent fuck we invented the telephone

So far, so good, right? Yeah, well this is pretty much where things go off the deep end.

we made Yahtzee the light bulb, hockey
and bred the greatest player's Gretzky to Crosby

The reference to the lightbulb is referring to Henry Woodward, who filed a patent for a lightbulb which Thomas Edison later bought out. The problem, of course, is that the lightbulb wasn't invented by Woodward. Edison bought out their ideas, rejected it in favour of his better design, and they were kind of a godfather to the idea, like Bela Lugosi as a godfather to the idea of the modern zombie movie. Okay, so let's let this guy have his line.

our national mascot's a damn beaver
O Canada we love our beaver
home of Hell's Angels the RCMP
home of Gordon Lightfoot and SCTV

Okay, so the beaver is Canada's national animal, but I suppose mascot isn't...well, totally inaccurate. The Hell's Angels, on the other hand, were formed in California. I guess it's a political jurisdiction of 35 million people that starts with a "Ca", but really, that's a pretty laughable thing to try to claim. The early history of the Hell's Angles is tied with the California counter-culture of the post-WWII era. Even the term "Hell's Angels" is tied directly with the Yankees.

our health care system y'all know its free

keep our girls banging with a full mouth of teeth

Okay, when I heard this one I actually started laughing. Do you know what aspect of healthcare is not 'free' (included in universal coverage) and must be paid for privately? That's right...dental care.

But wait, let's go further back before he talked about his global travels!

And if it ain't that, it's either "dude, " "eh, " or "guy"
Canadaka eh, yeah we considerate people
And smokin marijuana, we consider it legal