Sun Newspaper to Have Zero Sales

LONDON – England – First it was the News of the World, now the Sun is about to set on Page 3 rendering the newspaper devoid of any sales.

Rupert Murdoch is canning Page 3 and may even close the Sun newspaper down forever, columnists and editors who work on the tabloid have revealed.

“I don’t think there is a graph that will illustrate how far below zero the sales will go. I mean Page 3 is the Sun, and without it it might as well be a bird without tits, sorry about that one Angelina, but in all seriousness, I’ve packed my 10,000% zoom telephoto lens camera and mobile phone hacking gear away already, as for the brown envelopes stuffed with cash which we give to certain people, mentioning no names, we’ve had to give them back to Rupert. Fair game, innit, we had a good run. Bet they’re celebrating in Liverpool right now,” deputy editor of the Sun, Argyll Philthe, told the Feminist Times on Tuesday.

There have been calls for one last splash across Page 3, maybe every single Page 3 babe who has ever graced the newspaper should get their baps out one last time, even the ones from the 1970s who are still alive or have turned into crusties on marches.

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Goodbye Page 3 & Don’t come ba

The other day I went to a wood merchant’s to get a piece of wood for my No More Page 3 banner.

‘What are you protesting?’ one of the men who worked there asked me.

I felt a bit apprehensive before I spoke because I was outnumbered by men who I felt were probably big fans of Page 3

‘Oh, you may not like this but I’m protesting against Page 3′ I started, prepared for a debate.

‘Do you know I’ve never liked that…’ the man who’d asked me said and
then spoke to me at length about it. I asked him if he’d speak on my
video camera. He said yes.

Since then I’ve been asking men what they think of Page 3, and then
asking them if they’d be filmed. I tried to ask people who were reading
or carrying The Sun. But I also spoke to some men who were making
deliveries in white vans, because I have read numerous articles which
have said that it’s white van men who like Page 3. I’ve also included
here some men we met protesting outside Sun HQ.

Many of the men I spoke to wouldn’t be filmed, which I can
understand, but none, and I am being honest here, said they would stop
buying the paper if the topless pictures were dropped.

The main reason people cited they read the paper was sport. A few said they started reading it from the back.

I always gave my reason for supporting the campaign, as being ‘I
wonder what children think when they see the paper and they see page
after page of men in clothes doing things, like running the country and
one massive image of a woman standing there in her pants?’

Every man I said this to said something along the lines of ‘yeah, it’s not really on is it?’