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Your ‘No Spoilers’ Expectation Has an Expiration Date, OK?

So I was at work today, and naturally the topic of conversation was the amazing weekend of entertainment that just occurred. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that we were just witness to the most incredible dose of cinematic ecstasy to ever grace both the big and small screens. Avengers: Endgame brought in a mind-shattering 1.2 billion dollars and Game of Thrones: The Long Night (season 8, episode 3) was seemingly watched by every breathing creature on the planet.

While reactions vary from person to person, these are clearly items of pop culture that were gobbled up by the masses. In the midst of our discussion about Endgame, a co-worker came up and said, “WOAH! What are you doing?! Are you trying to ruin my life?” And then proceeded to stand there expecting a swift change of topic.

I wanted to stab him with a Valyrian steel dagger right in the you-know-where.

I get it, man, you have kids and responsibilities and simply couldn’t make it out to the opening weekend of the most highly anticipated film of the year like 200 million other people. You care so much about the sanctity of the movie that it would not just put a damper on your day, but rather “RUIN YOUR LIFE” to hear people casually discussing it, but you couldn’t be bothered to take a cool 3 hours out of your obnoxiously busy weekend to check it out. So walk away. Don’t stand there expecting us to change; you’re the odd man out, and we have some shit to discuss.

Was it cool for NFL running back, LeSean McCoy, to post THIS (DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK IF YOU DON’T WANT A MAJOR SPOILER FOR Avengers: Endgame) on opening day? No. He should probably be put in jail. But we’re talking about 72+ hours later. In internet time that’s practically a decade. Should we also not talk about Bruce Willis being dead at the end of Sixth Sense?

Look, there’s a protocol on the internet for spoilers, and generally people abide, but I will not put an indefinite moratorium on discussion surrounding one of the most exciting cinematic events while you’re in my general vicinity. If you cared that much, you’d have seen it.

So what did this particular co-worker want to discuss instead? That’s right, Game of Thrones. Sure, I’m game. I watched it like a normal human being. But do you want to ask everyone around here if they’ve seen it as well? Of course not. Because you’re a selfish prick. Naturally, one person in our group hadn’t had a chance, and like a decent human, walked away.

I’m all for preserving the sanctity of our entertainment endeavors, but part of the beauty of these things is the ability to discuss them — the water cooler effect, if you will. My SIL and I have an easily orchestrated method of texting each other during episodes to make sure we’re not ruining anything. But when she’s like, “I’m at the opening credits,” I get my ass in gear so we can enjoy the discussion of something we love.

The whole point is there is an importance to the etiquette surrounding spoilers, but if you’re not in the know, you best get out of the game.

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