Britain To Export Crap Weather To Sweltering America

Prime Minister, David "Do Nothing Dave" Cameron, and Deputy PM Nick "Does My Bum Look Big In These Trousers?" Clegg appear all set to authorise the export of some mediocre British weather to the Americans.

In recent days, temperatures in the USA have soared, leaving millions sweltering in the wilting heat. This heat can make people a tad tetchy, and when you're in a country where nearly everybody owns a gun, that can have disastrous results.

Insiders say that President Barack Obama has made preliminary enquiries regarding the purchase of several trillion cubic metres of British weather, and that the British Government are currently assessing a pricing and logistics policy.

The general concensus appears to be that millions of Americans would welcome some relief from the scorching sun, and British weather fits the bill to a tee.

British weather's main selling point is its utter mediocrity. It gets hot sometimes, but never too hot, and it gets cold, but not painfully so, like it does in Alaska and Canada, so it appears that most Americans would be happy for some grey skies and occasional showers.

Anything to break up the terrible heatwave our Trans-Atlantic cousins are currently struggling to cope with.

It is thought that the British weather will be shovelled across to the States by a big fleet of helicopters fitted with bulldozer like blades on the front.

The operation is scheduled to start on Tuesday, just after breakfast time, meaning that the British weather should be settling over all fifty states by Thursday teatime GMT.

Britain will then import cheaper weather from Poland, Latvia and Lithuania.

More as we get it.

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