Sunday, June 30, 2013

I don’t know if
this is the same for everyone when they are in a coma, but this is what
happened to me. Like I had said before; I was in a coma for only six months but
to me- in my mind- it felt like seven years.

I opened my eyes, but I knew this was no longer reality. I was gone,
slipped into my deep slumber. Lost in this place. It felt like dark void-
nothingness. Less than nothing. Time existed, but that was irrelevant. In this
place it didn’t matter who you were or what you wanted. No one cared.

I awoke in what seemed like a city. A bad city. Home to pollution and
disease. Home to greed and mischief.

Home to the homeless. Home to death and
fear….

This city was perfect for me!

I awoke on the streets lying down, like drunken white trash that, also
intoxicated by nasty drugs, passed out outside the club and all her friends
left her there by herself to rot or to be raped. I was surrounded, however. There
were so many people in this place. Everyone seemed lost, as if trying to find
their way home, hoping they could find their way back.

I stood up and turned around only to meet my reflection in the glass
window of a common drug store.

My outfit was unmistakably familiar. I stood there, petrified.

I’m wearing a skin tight, bright neon pink, pencil skirt… a black halter
top with… ruffles towards the bottom, a black, strapless bra and a bright neon
pink and black g string, with black 3-inch wedges. As I walk closer to the
window I see I am also wearing heavy makeup (though smeared); lots of mascara,
eye liner, bright neon pink lipstick, and a little bit of blush.

This can’t be! No, oh God no!
I… I’m living my nightmare!

I just stand there. Staring at my ugly face. Staring at a body who has
lost its soul to the devil. Staring at me…

I then notice a charcoal gray, 2009 Charger with dark tinted windows
parked on the side of the road in the reflection of the window. It was parked…
for me. I turn around. And like clockwork I walk over to the car, get in and
close the door.

There are black leather seats, a new car smell mixed with a slight hint
of marijuana, and it lights up blue and dark red where the speedometer and
other gadgets are.

“..oh…”

My arm reaches for
the glove box on its own, like muscle memory. I didn’t even have to think about
it, it feels like morning routine to me. And sure enough, I pull out that fine,
white powder bag.

Everything was
going exactly as it would have in my dreams until the driver spoke to me.

“You can
change the ending.”

I stared into the
darkness of the driver’s side until I could start to make out features of a
body. His eyes began to glow white. His horns shone from light that I could not
tell the direction from whence it came. He was wearing a black and red three
piece suit, with a red tie and I assume black shoes. He wore a gold chain and
several rings, he had his tattoo across his knuckles; GHOST MAN. He smiled at
me crookedly.. his razor sharp teeth glistening with hunger and mischief.

It was the man from
my daydreams… from my bedside at the hospital.

“…What?” I asked.

“You can change… the ending… for a greater… price!” He hissed. “But… what
kind of price…. are you willing… to pay?”

As I
considered the demon’s offer, he began to drive off. I thought long and hard,
not paying attention to where this man was taking me.

What kind of price
am I willing to pay? What is the original ending? What other endings can I
choose from? Why is there even an ending? What kind of ending did he mean? What
would happen if I chose the wrong one? What do I have to give up in order to
wake up from this coma? Why is this even happening to me? Oh God, I wish Jake
was here. What am I going to do? Why am I here?

Oh GODDAMMIT!

With
so many thoughts running through my head I lost my mind. I looked outside the
car window and noticed we were driving over what seemed like a bridge, except
there was none visibly. We were essentially floating through the air in a
vehicle, but did not fall.

“Things are not what they seem here. Remember that.”

They’re not what they seem? What if I kill
myself? I should wake up, right? When we are dreaming at night, a
simple feeling of falling wakes us up, right?

With the last
feelings of panic and fresh air before my death, I open the car door and thrust
myself out of it, hoping the feeling of falling would awake me from this
nightmare. The air felt good on my face, though it pushed the skin on my face
back. I don’t think I loved gravity more at any point in time in my life other
than right then, right there.

My life did not
flash before my eyes. All I saw was the water and rocks coming towards me,
beautiful blue water. All I thought of was how great it was going to feel when
my body hit the water. How the water would engulf me, how wet I would become…

My entire body
soaked in nature’s clean, natural fluids..

Until I began to
feel immense pain from my head. My head had been struck against a big rock in
the water instead of the water itself! I could feel my head throbbing and the
blood pouring out, giving the rock a red tint for all to see. A few chunks of
my head with the hair still attached to them exploded from my body; the side
and top of my head split completely open. I literally had a splitting headache,
and it was killing me! No drug could have helped dull that kind of pain. No
amount of tabs, Perks, White Girl, PCP; nothing could save me.

I am not sure if
I died on impact, because it is said that when you die your brain does not
automatically cease working, it takes a small amount of time.

Lying there on the
rock was the most painful, peaceful
thing to me. I couldn’t see out of my left eye- it too was injured. My heart
raced faster and faster, blood continuing to pour out from my head. Breathing
became more and more difficult, my lungs struggling to provide me with an
adequate amount of oxygen. I could feel myself slowly slipping away into an
even deeper slumber. Eternal slumber. Or reincarnation; or nothing.

Whatever
you want to believe in, I felt it coming. I was going to meet my maker.

I woke up… lying down again. There was nothing but whiteness around me.
A complete white room, with no one in it save me. I blinked several times, to
adjust my eyes to how bright my surroundings were. But then I began to focus…
the whiteness was turning into color, into images, until I was back on the same
street as before.

“…w-wh.. FUCK!”

I quickly stood up to see myself in the mirror.

I’m wearing the
same skin tight skimpy outfit and the same fucking smeared makeup.