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More than Words

Monday, December 12, 2016

There are times in
life when we come to a crossroad. That is when we know that it is time to
choose which path to go. That is when we realize that it is time to make a
decision. And behind every decision that we make, there are other things that
we have to give up too, at the same time. Behind every path we choose to go,
there are other paths that we have to leave too, simultaneously. These past
days have been a great roller-coaster of emotions for me particularly and for
me and my partner generally. Conversations and things happen between us; about
feelings, dreams, fears, hopes, insecurities, past, and future. And then it all
comes down to a big decision we make today. I know he loves me. And I want to
believe that it is true and real. However, it is natural for a human being to
have a doubt. No, I never doubt his sincerity. I believe that when he says he
loves me then he sincerely says that. On the other hand, there are times when
action speaks louder than words. There are times that his actions make me
wonder about what he really and truly feels. Sometimes it is in the way he
talks, or it is in the way he looks at me. Sometimes it is in the way he keeps
silent, or it is in the way he stares blankly at the air. Sometimes it is in
the way he holds my hand, or it is in the way he walks in a distance from me.
He is good with words; I understand it all too well. But somehow, I feel more
reassured by things he does rather than words he says.

“More than words is all you have
to do to make it real, then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me, ‘cause
I’d already know.” –Extreme, More
Than Words

“More Than Words” is
a ballad written and originally performed by American rock band Extreme.
This song is described as a soft acoustic rock track, built around acoustic
guitar work by Nuno Bettencourt and the vocals of Gary Cherone (with
harmony vocals from Bettencourt). It was released on March 23rd 1991 as the
third single taken from the band’s second album, “Extreme II: Pornograffiti (A
Funked Up Fairy Tale)” or simply known as “Pornograffiti”. The album itself was
released on August 7th 1990. In 1999, Irish boyband Westlife covered the song
for their self-titled debut album. The song was described by Nuno Bettencourt of
Extreme as a song warning that the phrase ‘I love you’ was becoming
meaningless. He said, “People use it so easily and so lightly that they think
you can say that and fix everything, or you can say that and everything is okay.
Sometimes you have to do more and you have to show it. There’s other ways to
say ‘I love you.’”

"More Than Words" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

Lately I’ve been
wondering whether I am being the delusional one in this relationship. Is this
feeling I have is reciprocal? Perhaps some people at some point in their
relationship have the same wonder too. And I know it all too well that it takes
more than words to convince someone about what and how we really feel toward
them. How come they say that they want us when they do not touch us? How come
they say that they need us when they do not want to meet us? How come they say
that they love us when they keep pushing us away? “Saying ‘I love you’ is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not
that I want you not to say, but if you only knew how easy it would be to show
me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real, then
you wouldn’t have to say that you love me, ‘cause I’d already know.” He
said he loves me; many times. But as many as that, there were times when he
made me feel like I was unwanted, undesirable, and useless; when he kept
feeding my insecurities which had brought me to my lowest point.

Lately I’ve been
asking to myself whether I am being delusive towards this relationship. Is this
feeling I have is unrequited? Perhaps some people at some point in their
relationship have the same question too. And I’ve experienced enough to
understand that it takes more than words as the evidence to proof that we truly
love someone. How come they say that they desire us when they are still looking
for other person? How come they say that they long for us when they spend the
night with other person? How come they say that they think of us when they are
dreaming about other person? “Now that
I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand, all you have to do is close
your eyes and just reach out your hands, and touch me. Hold me close, don’t
ever let me go. More than words is all I ever needed you to show, then you
wouldn’t have to say that you love me, ‘cause I’d already know.” He said he
loves me; many times. But as many as that, there were times when he made me
running scared in tears and broke my heart into pieces.

I’m old enough now to
understand love; what it is capable of and the pain it can cause, and that
there is no such thing as an unconditional love. As poet Daniel Walsh once
said; love is not static as it moves and grows, and reduces just the same. It
can be eccentric and exaggerated, but never still. He said that to love
unconditionally is to cover our eyes and follow blindly; then, too often, we
stumble and fall and lose our way. Love with eyes wide open and let ourselves
see the beauty and recognize the beast, then learn to walk away or towards,
whichever our heart compels. “What would
you do if my heart was torn in two? More than words to show you feel that your
love for me is real. What would you say if I took those words away? Then you
couldn’t make things new just by saying ‘I love you’.” We got to have
evidence to support our statement when we say ‘I love you’ towards someone. How
could we say we love them but neglect them? How could we say we love them but
keep meeting somebody else behind their back? How could we?

"Pornograffiti" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

How could we say we
love someone but not feeling fulfilled by their presence around us? Perhaps
loving and being fulfilled are two different things. However, I believe that
they are connected to each other. Love brings pleasure and satisfaction, hence
it is supposed to be fulfilling. How could we say we love someone but being
indifferent toward them? How could we say we love someone but feeling embarrassed
to show it to the world? How could we say we love someone but not feeling proud
to show it to the universe? How could we say we love someone but keep feeding
their insecurities? How could we say we love someone but making them feel
unloved? If we say that we love someone, then show it and make it real. Since
for me personally, love is a verb instead of a noun. Well I guess I still have
a lot to learn about love. I do not know much, still, all I know is that love
is not only about saying it but also about showing it. It is not about what
love is but more about how we love. When we show how we love, then we do not
have to say it since that person would understand by feeling it. Though some
people say that saying love is important, for me personally the most
significant thing to do is showing the love; making it real.

“Now that I’ve tried to talk to
you and make you understand, all you have to do is close your eyes and just
reach out your hands, and touch me. Hold me close, don’t ever let me go.”
–Extreme, More Than Words

Saying “I love you” is
not the words I want to hear from you

It’s not that I want
you not to say, but if you only knew

How easy it would be
to show me how you feel

More than words is all
you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn’t have
to say that you love me, ‘cause I’d already know

What would you do if
my heart was torn in two?

More than words to
show you feel that your love for me is real

What would you say if
I took those words away?

Then you couldn’t make
things new just by saying “I love you”

More than words, more
than words

Now that I’ve tried to
talk to you and make you understand

All you have to do is
close your eyes and just reach out your hands

And touch me, hold me
close, don’t ever let me go

More than words is all
I ever needed you to show

Then you wouldn’t have
to say that you love me, ‘cause I’d already know