Everyone is getting married this year. By everyone I mean two of my friends and one of my sisters, but that's enough people I know for me to feel like I've not really been concentrating on what's going on. Me and my friends were 15 years old a few days ago and, as far as I was aware, my sister was 8... Read More

It's incredibly hard to talk about having a mental illness without coming across all self-pity/woe-is-me, not least because there are always people far worse off. For each one of us who exists in self-imposed exile for a while because we can't face the world, there's someone else who has boiled their eyeballs with a blowtorch or tried to saw off their... Read More

He stepped out into the cold and stood under the jutting block of stiff material that stuck out above the double doors. The hospital loomed up behind him, its face lit from inside by the electric buzz of fluorescent lights, candles in a vigil for those who might leave, or had left, without stepping through the door.

A lot of stuff happens. Stuff is happening all the time, it never seems to stop.

Twenty-seven isn't that old. So people keep reassuring me as I grind toward thirty like a belaboured flatbed truck weighed down with all sorts of scrap metal and rusty bent things. I suppose they're right, thirty isn't that old considering I'll live until about eighty... Read More

Everyone hates Monday, right? Start of the week, a return to the mouldy old weekly routine. "Oh God I have to go back to work again!" you cry into the bathroom mirror, clawing out your own eyeballs. Garfield hates Mondays. Garfield's hatred of Monday is proportionate to his love of lasagne, and he bloody loves that stuff.

I have no idea if I will ever have kids. At the tender age of 27 I still don't really feel like a grown-up, so I don't feel like producing a living thing to mould into a functioning member of society is something I'm cut out for yet.

Whenever you say you're not sure if you want kids people jump to... Read More

I was always the fat kid. I was the fat kid who had asthma because he was basically too heavy for his own lungs to cope. I even had an inhaler that did essentially nothing. I had a natural aversion to sport because all the other kids were so much better at all of them than me. Aggressively so. While their muscles were developing in... Read More

Also, I agree. Every time they change the site it takes me ages to figure out what changed and how to use it, and by the time I've just about got used to it all they bloody change it again. It's like they're trying desperately to find more ways to add pink to everything, and every few months someone's like "I've got it!" And they re-do the site with an extra 7 shades of pastel pink on everything.

That would be genius.
MS Paint it, that's what I do with everything. Until I got in trouble, apparently when at work you should be working, and that does not extend to drawing pictures of your 'team leader' being attacked by dinosaurs.

Christmas was a wonderful experience when you were little. Each year there was the mystery of a fat man in red travelling the world in one night, making wishes come true with the promise of new toys. Getting up at 5am when everyone else was still in bed and it was still dark outside to start opening your presents. The older you... Read More

I've had one of those sweets. They are vile. I have no idea what they are though, just a vague memory of something which is precisely as you just described it.
I am shit scared of wasps, mainly because I was stung by them more or less constantly throughout my childhood, mainly when I was standing still.
And that sounds EXACTLY like when I used to visit my nan. Are you just reading my thoughts? She also used to have an old margarine tub (one of the big square ones that must have once held an army's worth of lard) full of ancient cakes that she'd offer me, rock hard scones and unrecognisable coconut things. She'd offer them approximately every 8 minutes, and get really offended if you didn't want one.

there's an old guy at work who always brings in those sweets and he's really nice but he always gives me sweets and I can't find it in me to tell him to stop it because they're gross. He also has these weird blue ones that don't stain your mouth blue and taste of toothpaste. also gross.