The Great Magnifier

There are entirely too many people in this picture standing too close to each other!

DISCLAIMER: For my sanity and yours I promise you not to use any of the following words or phrases in this blog posts

New normal

Corona

Covid 19

Social distancing

Self isolation

Flattening anything

Epidemic

Pandemic

Lockdown

The great magnifier, it’s what I’m Calling this time in history. Never in my life have I had to be confronted not only with every little thing that is good and bad about my family but worse, every little thing that is good and bad about me!

It’s been one billion days now since we’ve interacted with people outside of my litte tribe, give or take a day… I’ve lost count. And while I am unbelievably lucky to have a space where we can all be (and even sometimes be separately from one another). And incredibly blessed to realize that for the most part we’re really good company to be around, it’s not all roses as I’m sure I don’t have to tell any of you (assuming you’re the same as us and haven’t seen anyone for one billion days).

Pre all this weirdness, when confronted with a behavior I did not like from myself or my children I would have many distractions to help me ignore it, delay dealing with it or even convince myself it’s not an issue. I’d go to work, see my friends, visit family etc. my children would go to school, see their friends… Distractions.

And most amazingly, 8 times out of 10 the behavior would resolve its self in one of these three ways:

1- Our sporadic and repeated voicing of concern, annoyance or anger would eventually get the message through that this behaviour is unacceptable. (Like when they finally eat with their mouths closed after asking (telling/ yelling) it 4 trillion times)

2- Everyone would adapt to the behaviors existence by ignoring it,side stepping it or blocking it out. (Like when you say “oh that’s just the way she is… she gets annoyed when people breath loudly”)

3- The behavior would end,only to make way for another new annoying one to ignore or hope it goes away on it’s own. (Like when the toddler moves from bitting to hitting)

Now there is nowhere to hide in this (had to take a few minutes to find the words so I don’t break the promise I made you at the beginning of this post) intimate situation we find ourselves in.

If something is bothering us it can’t be ignored. It has to be dealt with.

I have actually enjoyed having the time and opportunity to teach my kids important life skills. To make sure that the toys have, in fact, been put away. To have the time to wait out the tantrum and get my point across. It’s good to see what I haven’t had the chance to teach them yet and take the opportunity to do so.

This also holds me accountable to walk the walk not just talk the talk. There’s no where to hide my bad habits and pretend I’m practicing what I preach. So, somethings I stopped preaching all together.But most things I expect them to do I am now holding myself accountable for as well.

What has been jarring is not being able to turn away from my own ridiculousness.

Let’s say for example I get over sensitive about something and have a bit of a strop. Pre weirdness there most likely would be a plethora of things to distract me and the people I inflicted my drama on between time of said drama and next time we interact. At this point, at day 2 billion and 1, there’s just the awkward silence of the after math.

What to do… there are only a few precious minutes of confusion, after my reaction, to save the situation. These minutes are when the people I inflicted my crazy on are still wondering if it was warranted. Still questioning if maybe they did something wrong.

If I laugh it off then I look crazy. This is not a good look.

If I continue being angry they realize I’m crazy but it take a few minutes longer.

If I apologize and say “sorry I’m being over sensitive” then I run the risk of eveything form then on being labeled as me being over sensitive. (I have teenagers and a smarty pants 10 year old).

Best case scenario is when in the immediate after math the mature person in the room changes the subject and gives me time to collect myself. And gives all of us a chance to skip the awkward silence. Then I can save face and apologize later (one on one).

The only issue is the mature person in the room is sometimes distracted (husband) or 14 years old (terrible when that happens).

Another thing this has been magnified is how important my extended family and friends are. And just how much I rely on them for support (emotional and mental). They say it takes a village to raise a child but I’m good raising my children without one. It takes a village to raise me tho. And I miss my village.

Hello from Mama B

Hi! I'm Bessma and this is my little blog. I started it 2010 as a place to think out loud about parenting 3 Arab Muslim children in this day and age. It has since developed into a (on occasion) more informed, thinking out loud, about parenting 5 Arab Muslim children in this day and age.