Entourage film review: Awash with delusional confidence

True bromance is a beautiful thing. Alas, we’re here to talk about Entourage. The sex ’n’ drug-fuelled antics of clubbable, Brooklyn-raised Hollywood actor Vince (Adrian Grenier) worked well enough on TV. The HBO series, which finished in 2011, was loosely based on the experiences of Mark Wahlberg (one of the show’s producers) and many of the details had a naughty edge.

Director/co-writer Doug Ellin, however, has no idea how to fill the big screen. The result is a nonsensical hymn to rich, white, straight, urban males, a wannabe-clever dissection of LA life that is actually so crass you will want to stab your own brain with a scalpel to make the pain go away.

A typical party scene involves a genial, middle-aged pal of Vince’s being propositioned by two hot, bikini-clad girls. The pair, it turns out, went to school with the man’s daughter. Said man saunters over to Vince, and drawls: “I need you to f*** my daughter’s friends. So I don’t have to.”

The plot turns on Vince’s newly discovered desire to direct a “meaningful” blockbuster. Naturally, his gang — brother Johnny (Kevin Dillon), best friends Eric (Kevin Connolly) and Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) — think that’s a great idea. Even vitriolic Jewish agent Ari (Jeremy Piven), now a studio head, agrees. He gives Vince the cash to make, as well as star in, a futuristic take on Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Here’s the problem: Vince doesn’t seem capable of breaking wind by himself, let alone helming a movie. The man’s a nonentity, wrapped in a void, inside a lacuna — every time he opens his mouth you wonder anew how Grenier is able to keep a straight face. Here’s another problem: Vince’s project is patently pants (a sneak preview shows a messianic DJ, glowering inside a hoodie). The more we’re told that “Hyde” is “amazing”, the more absurd Ellin’s own opus seems.

There are almost 50 cameos in Entourage. Famous faces include Liam Neeson, Jessica Alba, Calvin Harris and Pharrell Williams. No doubt these A-listers are now giving their agents hell. What may have seemed like a sexy bandwagon suddenly seems more like the Titanic (the film has not done well in the States). In the film’s one and only brilliant line, a crestfallen Johnny says: “I was given the gift of delusional confidence. But that’s not a real gift.”

Entourage is awash with delusional confidence. Welcome to the real world, boys.