I can't ride the guy too hard because if I owned a bike I'd be in the same situation over and over and over again. Fortunately I know my limitations. If I rode, I'd ride balls to the wall.

Honestly, dude needs to get another hobby - skydiving is 1000x more safe. Skydiving with a canopy wrapped by intoxicated frat-boys is in roughly the same risk category as driving a bike 100+ with any regularity.