Liverpool executives somehow under impression it’s still 1986

Liverpool executives have reopened the international television rights debate after somehow placing themselves alongside the Premier League’s most successful clubs.

The current overseas deal is worth £1.4bn and is due to finish in 2013, to coincide with Liverpool’s 23rd anniversary of last winning the actual league they’re part of.

The club, with zero premier league titles to its name, insists it deserves more money than the clubs it plays against because it had quite a good team before the Internet was invented.

A Liverpool spokesperson said, “We as a club strongly believe that we are more important than the others, and that our own needs should be met before anyone elses.”

“I wouldn’t piss on Bolton if they were on fire, so we should definitely get the money that they’re currently getting from all those foreigners. It’s common sense.”

Liverpool TV rights

Premier League insiders have said they are not concerned by Liverpool’s current stance, insisting that the stereotypical scouse trait of having an over-inflated sense of self-entitlement is just that, a lazy stereotype.

“I’m sure they’ll come to their senses any minute now,” they concluded.

Football fan Simon Jones told us, “Of course, we should all try not to lose sight of what’s really important here.”

“And that’s that in the week the Hillsborough petition calling for the release of documents from the enquiry into the deaths of 96 fans gets discussed in Parliament, Liverpool FC should focus on dominating the news agenda by trying to find new ways to fund their rather expensive violent Geordie habit.”