100 Greatest Quotes from Fundamentalist Christian Chat Rooms

You can read the whole thing here, but these are a few of my favorites (please note that I do not necessarily agree with what they are saying, I just find their idiocy hilarious):

So you think if no one believed in any religion there would be no wars or fighting? I think it would be worse. I know if I didn’t fear god’s judgement I would have killed many many times.

Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.

Satan loves homosexuals.. And will usually set them up with good careers in something Satan is in control of i.e.. Entertainment.. any form of the Media.. Satan wants them to grow.. The more homosexuals there are the more souls Satan gets to join in a Furnace of Fire..

“Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic.”

Don’t you know that evolution is basically a racist concept? Some evolutionists still teach that white people evolved from “negroes” who evolved from apes– Meaning “white people are more evolved!”

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don’t really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.

There is not a single passage or concept in the Bible that would be offensive to any human on the planet.

Women are naturally weak, they are more open to sin, then men are.The rapes happened in the bible yes they happened and were recorded , why to teach us a lesson, have you not heard of parables, in the Bible, these happend to teach us women not to bare are flesh or to lust. God allows it to happen, in the hope that it would teach us and strengthen are faith.It happens, but most female rape victims often bring it on themselves.

I was recently criticized for making a statement about my daughter not being able to play a war game on the Wii because she was a girl. Besides being too young to play it, it is true that I won’t let her play it because she is a girl. And no, I don’t think she should not learn math, either. I want my boys and girls (I have 2 each) to grow up being boys and girls. I don’t want them growing up confused as to what their roles are in life. I want my girls to grow up with a desire to take care of their kids at home. Even homeschool. I want my boys to grow up learning what it means to lead, how to lead, and how to do it in a Godly way. I want my girls to learn how to follow their husbands leadership. I want them to learn that submitting to their husband does not make them a door mat. That it’s as God wants it, and that they will have a more fulfilling life by doing what God has said.

I think there are a lot more cases of people being agnostic or atheistic, but then getting off drugs in order to become Christians. I don’t know any Christians who actually do drugs.

[When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]I don’t have to “prove” anything.You see, I have this wonderful thing called “faith” and with that I have no need of proof.

Father Gabriele Amorth, who is Pope Benedict XVI’s “caster out of demons,” told Vatican Radio: “Behind Harry Potter hides the signature of the king of the darkness, the devil.”

The word of God has been in heaven forever. The KJV has always been there. The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English. If the KJV has always been there and is the original word of God then there is no other conclusion. The same can be said for any so called Greek words that were borrowed from the Greek or transliterated. It is a matter of what bias you approach this particular subject.

[Would you please tell us what your scientific qualifications (for evaluating evolution) are? What is your profession?]My qualification is I’m a God-fearing college dropout redneck hick landlord who goes after darwinism with freaking vengeance….and I just happen to have the truth on my side.

Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are.

Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these “rocks” at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day.

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example… sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

The only solution we have to stop gays from recruiting other people is to cut off the source. They need to be taken to specialized containment centers where they will be forced to become straight and accept Jesus as thier savior and to repent from their disgusting, wicket, hatful, devilish ways. Those that refuse to go can either be forced, or banished from society in other specialized communities where they have no connetion to the outside world at all. Most would die of AIDS anyway. Anyone who refused any of the answers to make them better would have to be killed or banished.

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

This past spring I was expelled from my high school. Why? Because I’m a Christian. There was a girl in my class who was wiccan, and I didn’t want demons to possess me or anyone else and save her from satan. So, I told her that her faith was evil and told her to accept Jesus as Savior and she would be saved. Simple as that. Just say the sinners prayer and you can be saved!Well I got sent to the principal for that. She said I was ‘discriminating’ against her religion. I was only doing what the Bible, God, Jesus and my pastor said! How is that wrong!?Well, afterwards I was forced to aplologize, even though it’s a sin to, so I never meant what I said. So, instead I put a copy of a Jack Chick tract in her locker about how wicca and a paganism lead to murder, rape and other horrible things because it lets the devil get inside of you. I also left a little note about how she was going to hell. I was hoping she would see the error of her ways and repent from the evil, disgusting ‘religion’.Instead I was called down to the principal again and this time there were two police officers there. And they said I was under arrest for harrasing this girl and threatening her! What did I do? I just wanted her to accept Jesus and be saved! Now her family (all evil, stupid, disgusting god hating wiccans) want to sue me for discrimination and creating a hostile workplace! How is that fair? She’s the one who’s discriminating against me because I’m one with the LORD!Jesus is the only way to salvation! It’s that simple people! No pope, wicca, or anything stupid like that! JESUS ONLY! Why is is wrong to tell others that? It’s all the fault of the ACLU and simlar atheist organizations trying to destroy us Christians. Next they’ll want to genocide us for doing our Godly work.

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire….Should’ve stayed in the house where it’s safe.

Seriously, does anybody ever cry at an Atheist’s funeral?I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as humanbeings (they’re not even human, but only inhuman animals),since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowardsand Murderers, after all, why would anybody in theirright mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bonechips and ashes (that get mixed together with those ofothers from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?And what epitaph do you engrave on an Atheist’s gravemarker? “Here lies the only good Atheist, which is adead Atheist”. What else is there say? Nothing at all.No last words, no last rites, no flowers, no anything.Every time an Atheist dies, the world is better off asa result of that dead Atheist being dead, & its damnedGod-forsaken soul burning in the fiery pits of Hades. :)Which begs another related question, do Atheists cry atfunerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and theyhate Family, and they hate Country, who are they cryingfor? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist.

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years4.how come we cant speak monkey

[Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?]What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?

I honestly don’t care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc.

If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James — your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right.

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do

[Replying to ‘as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years… incase you missed that memo…’]several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.

[on the sunject of a Bible printing company]Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes… what can I say?).The only thing I don’t like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don’t think that’s right. We know the only true translation is the 1600’s version in English.It’s too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in… and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don’t know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that’s just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it’s not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn’t the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.Bobby said he’d been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of “I knew you wouldnt understand! You’re just like everyone else!” before running to his room and slamming the door.What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I’ve dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he’s the one who’s feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its ‘ok’ to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son

And last but not least, probably my favorite of all:This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.ATHIEST KID: Mom, I’m going to go f*** a hooker.ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I’m going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it’s “not addictive.”ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.ATHIEST DAD: Hey!ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I’m pregnant again. I guess I’ll just get another abortion, since “fetuses don’t count as human life.”ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don’t go in the bedroom.ATHIEST DAD: Why not?ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men f***ing eachother in there.ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren’t finished yet.ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that’s fine with me!Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there’s a Christian outside!ATHIEST MOM: We’ll be right there!The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your’s!That’s because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!THE ENDScary, isn’t it? Sorry this post ended up so long, there were just so many hilarious/ridiculous comments that I couldn’t resist.

Ugh.
I’m christian and I tried joining a christian chatroom once. First time on, I was banned.
Apparently I forgot about the rule ” Do not try to challenge our beliefs.”
Well, I did.
How could I sit there and just read the thread where they talked so viciously about homosexuals and not remind them of the universal love that Jesus taught for everyone?
All I got in response,” You obviously havn’t studied your bible very closley.”

You are one crazy bastard! “I know if I didn’t fear god’s judgement I would have killed many many times.” THAT’S CRAZY! You are the one that should be shot and fed to the poor! You fucking crazy bastard! And then you evil bastard have gone and made kids, hope they can live a normal happy life.. Geez, go and make a suicide!

I know these are extremists but I can’t help but wonder how much of the population these nutjobs make up and how many are jokes? I mean really, people are nuts, but not THIS nuts. My father is christian and he’s actually intelligent.

Gravity: doesnt exist. WTF is that???!? seroiusly. pick up a large object. feel how heavy it is. ok. good. now, pick up a small object like a dildo that a homo used(it has absorbed much sin). feel how heavy it is. which weighs more? yea. i know. not that sinful object. lol

“Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example… sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!”

The most stupide thing I’ve ever heard…
Hope it was written ironically…

Hmnm.
I laughed at a couple of these,
but honest.
Are they ALL that stupid? I seriously hope not.

Do Christians seriously think of Athiests like that? How very hypocritical that all is.

I never really had a problem with Christians, though I enjoy picking a fight because they can’t answer any questions I ask about their faith without telling me I’m off to Hell, but reading that and the way they talk about gays and athiests… Well, it sickens me.

*sigh* so much ignorance, so little time, u know that last one sounded a lot like the KKK which consists of Christians, wearing white robes and hoods, instead of black, maybe wearing white makes it right to kill :\

anyone else think this is beatiful? That intelligent atheists and intelligent christians alike are banding together to realise that some people from their ‘religion’ (atheism isn’t a religion in my view, but how else can i put it quickly?)
are simply more intelligent than others, and that some are racist, or sexist, or just pure stupid.

I love the one from high school girl being arrested. Just one small step from an extremist christian putting racist stuff into a locker, to mass genocide of the religious population. Ok, whatever.

Yeah…. many Christians, not even ones quite this extreme are taught (well actually it’s beaten into their heads over and over) the general idea that “if you aren’t with us, you’re against us” so there is a lot of potential for them to view anything not explicitly recognizeable to them as “Christian” as being of the devil, or the devil himself, evil, ritual sacrificing, goat-blood drinking, yadda yadda. So in short, far too many Christians view atheists as evil, as well as all other religions.

On the upside, it’s like a snake bite – they only lash out because they are absolutely TERRIFIED of going to hell if they don’t “perform” well enough for God.

I know this because I was raised Christian, and it was crap like this that made me run as far from it as I could. Spirituality, beliefs, and ideas are great – religion itself however is dangerous and is used more to control people and keep them scared than anything else.

I know what you mean, however I don’t believe religion is the problem but the misinterpretation of it and the absolute fear of “going to hell” if they don’t destroy everything “ungodly”.
And as you said, it’s probably not even their fault, but their parents beat their extremist beliefs into their children’s head because they thought if they wouldn’t they would be punished.