Thursday, May 6, 2010

The world cup is upon us. We do not guarantee you 100 percent safety. If you are a journalist we do not guarantee you that one of our country’s youth leaders will not throw you out if you ask a question that displeases him. We cannot guarantee you that we will not have any form of political drama or any kind of drama for that matter. No one is ever sure what will happen next here. The climate hardly fails us. The action never stops. The only real trauma you should experience in South Africa is too much excitement.
The people are warm and friendly. There are no animals on the road we actually boast one of the best cities in the world. When you get here your mother will drag you away you will be so stunned. We guarantee that you will have an amazing experience in South Africa. The only way to bored in this land is if you are dead and that is the only way I can think of boredom is death because I have never been there. It is hard to imagine that even the dead in our land could be possibly bored because we have the most exciting dead. At their death they have caused much controversy. In fact so interesting is our dead that some of them are still on trial. Let me assure you that you are not just coming here for football or soccer as we call it you are coming here for the time of your life. You will live to tell of your experience here to your children, their children and the story will become a legacy.

Let me prepare you a little bit more; South Africa is such a beautiful country you might not want to leave. I have spoken to countless tourists who get here and once they are here they do not want to leave. The women are all so beautiful you might just be dazed and eventually you will not be able to pick one your best bet is a foreign woman because at least you can pick her out among the rest. I have seen tourists smiling in the streets I would swear they must be in heaven. In fact I remember once as a student; I was a waitress and my German customers could not stop looking at me smiling from ear to ear. Their eyes collectively could not leave me. I eventually became concerned as I thought surely something must be wrong but they are shy to tell me perhaps they thought that I would finally get it. I gathered up courage and asked if all was well. They answered in unison “Oh, you are just wonderful. We are not used to such friendly people.” I feared that they might just take me with. The honest truth is that I am not that amazing there are better South Africans far friendlier than I could ever wish to be and yet the least one in the nation was something to marvel at.

I have told you of our imperfections. You will see our mess, you will see our poor, and you will see our rich. We have a third world and a first world in one country. We have the largest inequality gap in the world the last time I checked. One more thing; please do us a favour if you are white please, please do not criticize our white people. Do not do that. We do not like it because we can do that all by ourselves we do not appreciate it when outsiders think they are more righteous because we know they are not. I know you will be tempted just bite your tongue when the temptation comes, at that moment just think about your own history and you will realise that your history is possibly the same. Yes there is crime here but I know people who never encountered crime while they lived here until they moved to England, Paris or Italy then they got mugged. My fear is not that you will be mugged, you might be but security promises to be tight and I truly hope it will not happen to you as it would be sad if it does happen to you.

My only real fear about your visit is that you will not want to leave. Am I arrogant? Am I overconfident? I will prove to you that I am not. I have encountered numerous foreigners who are still yearning and dreaming of seeing this land again. It is as if they must return here or move here. This too has happened and still happening.

The famous Jan van Riebeeck never left this land when he landed on its shores today we still have thousands of his descendants that testify of his love for this country. History tells us he was destined to the East but he landed here and he could not get himself to go any further. He remained. The rest is history. I will not mention Britain or Germany. I am eternally grateful that France never made it South because it would have been a terrible thing if we spoke French like some West African nations. We fortunately did not loose our own mother tongues unlike our West African countries and those Colonised by the Portuguese. This means that you will have more to see because our culture is preserved with the languages. Where was I? Ok, sorry this is about why it will be difficult for you to leave this country as I was saying - our country is so beautiful and so rich Britain fought a bloody war all along the South African coast line. There was 100 years of battles in the Eastern Cape against Xhosas. There were wars fought against Zulus. There was a war between the English and Dutch for the same land today the descendants still remember that war. Blood was spilt for a piece of this magical land. Blood my friend. Do you still think I am exaggerating?

I know that you will not spill any more blood however you will be met by very loving warm South Africans who love this country. The battle will be however a little different this time; the nations will battle against each other. The war will be over a small piece of green land and the weapon will be the Jabulani ball. Whoever wins gets to walk away with a chunk of our gold. I hope we will walk away with the gold. Those who know soccer know that this is a giant leap of faith - but this land begs me to believe. South Africans love being South African but we are delighted that we will be hosting the nations. We have been waiting for you and you will feel it. Do not believe those who have told you that it will be a disastrous event.
We live in the edge of excitement. We are hospitable people and you will be very entertained. If you are expecting elephants and lions in the street I am sorry you will be very disappointed we actually have roads and street lights and tall buildings and things like that you know. I have only seen a lion in my dreams and photographs so do not get your hopes up. If you want to see lions we will tell you where to find them so do not worry - we are ready for you, are you ready for the African experience? The party is on!