When People Are Kindhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org
In a corrosive world how can we be like Jesus? We focus on being in a kinder, gentler place of forgiveness and grace.Fri, 15 Feb 2019 23:08:44 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.10https://whenpeoplearekind.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/cropped-WPAK-Favicon-new-2-32x32.pngWhen People Are Kindhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org
3232The Power of Kindnesshttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-power-of-kindness/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-power-of-kindness/#respondWed, 13 Feb 2019 23:15:09 +0000https://whenpeoplearekind.org/?p=906In Romans 2:4, the apostle Paul talks about the power of kindness: “God’s kindness leads you toward repentance.” It’s interesting that Paul doesn’t say that a healthy dose of “the straight truth,” or a lecture on the evils of sin, or a forceful condemnation of the life or lifestyle of a person leads towards repentance. …

In Romans 2:4, the apostle Paul talks about the power of kindness: “God’s kindness leads you toward repentance.”

It’s interesting that Paul doesn’t say that a healthy dose of “the straight truth,” or a lecture on the evils of sin, or a forceful condemnation of the life or lifestyle of a person leads towards repentance. Garish “gospel tracts” or colorful invitations to a meeting where someone else will point out their sins aren’t what lead to repentance. Neither will stirring sermons on the evils which sin has brought to the world, or the threat of what the end time judgment will be like for sinners, or are the colorful word pictures of “sinners in the hand of an angry God” in colonial preacher Jonathan Edwards’ most famous sermon, destined to lead us toward repentance.1 Paul says that God uses the only method that has any real chance for working – kindness.

First of all, he says that that is God’s way of working to bring about changes in the lives of every person on earth. Then he repeatedly says that it is one of the main fruits that reveals if He lives in our lives.

If you carefully examine the life of Jesus, it is the only method He used, with very rare exceptions – those appearing to be reserved exclusively for those who were being unkind. As the 19th Century author, E.G. White, put it, “Christ’s method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Savior mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, “Follow Me.”

You see, people don’t care what you believe, until they believe that you care.

Many of us experience a great deal of frustration when we read the Book of Acts and wonder why we don’t have the same results as Peter and Paul and the rest of the New Testament Church. Maybe it is because there is a missing ingredient in what we are doing. We have allowed ourselves to become reliant on “hired guns” to do the work for us — local pastors, visiting evangelists, Adventist television stars, door-to-door book and magazine salesmen. Maybe God is waiting for us to try Jesus’ way. To go out into our communities and neighborhoods and to live lives of extraordinary kindness — not only for the easy and convenient to love, but for everyone — even the unlovely and the ungrateful.

If you think that that idea is a stretch, is hopeless idealism, let me continue the quotation from the 19th century author: “There is need of coming close to the people by personal effort. If less time were given to sermonizing, and more time were spent in personal ministry, greater results would be seen. The poor are to be relieved, the sick cared for, the storing an the bereaved comforted, the ignorant instructed, the inexperienced counseled. We are to weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. Accompanied by the power of persuasion, the power of prayer, the power of the love of God, this work will not, cannot, be without fruit.”

It may be couched in 100-year-old English, but the point is pretty clear. Jesus’ way works!

If we hope to represent God like Jesus, then we will choose to live lives of extraordinary kindness. It will show up in all kinds of creative ways as we allow God to live out His life in us because, simply put, kindness, like nothing else, has the power to soften hearts and open them to hear about the God we serve.

Several years ago, bumpers all over North American were festooned with a bumper sticker encouraging people to begin committing “random acts of kindness.” It is a nice sentiment, but I don’t believe it is nearly adequate for committed followers of Jesus. God is calling us, His presence on earth in tennis shows and work boots and high heels, to commit “intentional, constant, focused, acts of kindness! If we want to really impact our world, then it seems that we would want to work like Jesus did!

John 2 is a living example of someone committed to making kindness, creatively lived out, a part of his life. John, just a common, average, ordinary guy got an extraordinary idea for sharing kindness. On his days off he goes down to Home Depot or Lowe’s in his pickup and sits in the parking lot waiting for someone to come out with a load that is obviously too large to easily fit into their vehicle. With a smile he approaches them, as they stand trying to figure out what they are going to do, and offers to take it to their home or office for them. They can follow him (he grins) to make certain he isn’t going to run off with their stuff.

When they ask him why, he tells them that it is his little project to share a little kindness in the world. Either before they leave, or when they get to their destination, they ask him how much he wants to get paid for what he is offering to do. He tells them it has already been paid. When they ask by whom, he says, by Jesus when He died for them. And that’s it. He heads back for the big box hardware store to wait for another opportunity.

He doesn’t try to give them a tract or a gospel presentation or an invitation to a meeting of some sort. He has just one goal in mind, to lead them one step closer to Jesus.

I think he’s doing a pretty good job of it!

1 The Bible word meaning literally, ‘to change direction.”

2 A pseudonym

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-power-of-kindness/feed/0Racismhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/racism/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/racism/#respondWed, 08 Aug 2018 17:41:58 +0000https://whenpeoplearekind.org/?p=894Well, hey, I left that church.” No one working in ministry wants to hear that, and I peered at this affable gentleman across our glasses of lemonade. Years earlier he’d been decently active in a smallish Adventist church where I now had a leadership role. But I’d been tipped off about his abrupt departure, and …

]]>Well, hey, I left that church.” No one working in ministry wants to hear that, and I peered at this affable gentleman across our glasses of lemonade. Years earlier he’d been decently active in a smallish Adventist church where I now had a leadership role. But I’d been tipped off about his abrupt departure, and I hoped to diplomatically figure out why.

Well, it was all simple enough. The conference ministerial director spun the wheel and assigned a young African-American pastoral intern to this church. And this Christian man, sitting in his well-appointed house, told me without blushing or rancor, “I’m a bit of a redneck.” And that was that. He transferred out immediately.

I know, it’s just one anecdote. And it’s conveniently easier to begin my reflections telling you about someone else’s prejudices than to peel away the layers and admit my own. But the well-worn adage continues to be true: eleven o’clock on Sunday (or Sabbath) morning is “the most segregated hour in America.”

Even in church communities where believers are determined to seek unity, old feelings and remembered prejudices are writhing in the background like a tangle of snakes. How do we defuse these sinful but heartfelt emotions? Are there tangible things we can do to move toward the heavenly ideal where all God’s people live and work and minister together?

Here’s my list of five:

First – One key way is to simply be open and talk about it: in sermons, in Sabbath School discussions, small group gatherings, church growth forums. This can take diplomacy of the highest order! I write these words with last weekend’s children’s story still vivid in my mind. We all remember the ageless kindergarten gimmick: hands folded together to form a “church.” My friend Pastor Dan Matthews teamed up with Gilda Roddy. They jointly recited the familiar lines: Here is the church; here is the steeple. Open the door – see all the people.

But on the overhead screens, the video close-up of their mingled fingers preached its own poignant sermon. Pastor Gilda brings our church family a sweetly colorful background from the Mauritius Islands. While after decades of service with Faith For Today, our self-proclaimed “Grandpa Dan” is, um, an aging white guy. Clearly black worshipers and white worshipers – and okay, Asian, Native American, Hispanic, and both Dodger and Angel fans – can sit next to each other in church pews and happily worship together as one body in Christ. And for a few priceless moments, Dan and Gilda actually said as much; their teeny sermonette about black fingers-white fingers was disarming and unforgettable.

Second – We need to be intentional about lowering barriers, diminishing tensions . . . and winsomely proclaiming our public commitment to racial harmony. Put a sweet cultural mix of people in your church bulletins; make sure the church’s web page looks inclusive. Put it in the Mission Statement: “All are welcome here!” Those who plan the Sabbath School programs need to commit to the goal of stocking the talent pool with the widest variety of saints possible. The Supreme Court may offer shifting boundaries on this matter, but within the Body of Christ we have the liberty – and even the mandate – to go the second and third mile to make sure service opportunities look wide open and are wide open. If new talent cries out to be hired, what an opportunity to add fresh colors to your church’s palette.

Third – Let’s learn from and cash in on the exuberant innocence of our children. In our lower divisions, kids play and pray and sing together and cheerfully rock side by side in the missionary boat without the slightest regard for racial distinctions. As they grow up, teens and millennials are increasingly disdainful of prejudice; they crave a worship family where people are valued for their important and eternal characteristics, not skin tone.

Fourth – We must pray for a lowering of tensions. In your own prayers to the Lord of all nationalities, confess your errant thoughts. Ask God to purify your heart. Give the Holy Spirit the right to nudge you or flat-out blast you with conviction if you need to make things right with someone who has experienced your prejudicial attitudes. Look for avenues of unselfish service to people who are painfully bumping into barriers.

Fifth – Focus on the glorious reality that we are one Church and there is only one Heaven! Since the great mingling of that better land is our highest goal, we’re exhorted to begin building that community already and living by its divine charter. My brother Dan pastors a church in Garden Grove that is a veritable League of Nations. They’ve got everybody! And he often proclaims with a huge smile: “We love it! Look at our national dress parades! Taste the recipes! Savor the lilting accents and the unusual musical instruments an imported Christian from far, far away can bring to a worship hour.” Healthy Christianity thrives on the rainbow variety we find in our Sabbath pews. In contrast, even Hollywood has learned to portray the grim reality that a person steeped in racism lives a narrow, pinched, and ultimately suffocatingly bare existence.

Let’s expand on this fifth optimistic point. The reality is that we face both repentance and then wondrous opportunities. Let’s say it kindly, but’s let’s say it: some of our racial attitudes are sinful. Some of our Facebook posts are purposely inflammatory and immoral, appealing to divisions and stirring up resentful “remember when’s.” And a whole lot of what we harbor inside is unchristian. We know what’s right, but festering stereotypes are still there. “Those people” still irritate in the same old ways. And all the revised vespers programs or colorblind web pages can’t erase that.

But then Yancey goes on for many inspiring pages to paint a picture of church growth and revitalized spirituality when we repent of our divisions. So many positive, healing things can happen when God’s people turn away from the shackles of intolerance. My daughter and son-in-law are a mixed-race couple. They live and work in Birmingham, Alabama, a former hotbed of racial animus. And perhaps some is still there. But their church is a stellar model of brotherhood: black and white worshipers sit side by side (after exchanging many hugs!) The musical team up front is a delightful mélange of skin tones and both American and foreign beat patterns. The Jumbotron screens are awash in smiles and handclasps. Why? Because the church has decided on this better way. They preach it; they live it. Clearly, they love it.

And this is one of the fastest-growing churches in the Deep South.

So try this.

Picture our Savior Jesus occupying a pew right in your church. What sort of heart does Christ have toward every other person there? The person of a different skin hue – what are His emotions toward them? The teen with a hoodie. The unwed college student seven months pregnant who’s wearing garish native dress from far, far away?

Two thousand years ago, Jesus sat by a well and ministered selflessly to a foreign woman. My NIV text notes inform me “Jews viewed Samaritans as half-breeds, both physically and spiritually.” Nineteenth-century writer Ellen White comments about the Israelite attitude: “Trained in the school of national bigotry, they had become selfish, narrow, and exclusive.” A few pages later, she comments grimly: “Caste is hateful to God. He ignores everything of this character. In His sight the souls of all men are of equal value.”2

Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan specifically addresses the mandate to cross over to the dangerous side of the road and minister to the person labeled an outcast. The same author suggests that this was much more than a parable; the principals were likely in the crowd listening. And this classic story has swept around the world to illustrate that same point: compassion drives out racism. We cannot love people while harboring the poisonous fallacy of racial superiority.

Let’s think more deeply about Jesus as our Example within the church. His compassion isn’t forced and it isn’t theoretical. The Good Samaritan was moved by compassion. His was the sort of love that bound up the crime victim’s wounds and paid not just his deductible but the entire hospital bill. Tyndale commentator Leon Morris observes: “It is the need of our neighbor and not his nationality that is important.”3 And residents of God’s kingdom don’t desire to ease racial tensions just for the resulting calm and the improved photo ops, but because hurting people’s lives will be so radically improved.

The incomparable John Stott, who inspired the worldwide Christian community until his death in 2011, once wrote: “We have to go beyond binding up people’s wounds like the Good Samaritan,” he writes, “[and get on] to the task of ridding the Jericho road of brigands.”4

I think back to Dan and Gilda’s finger play: “Here is the church and the steeple . . .” I recall Charlie Brown and Linus running through the same folksy liturgy. And when Linus examines his eight waving fingers, he laments: “Looks like a pretty meager congregation!” Take heart, Linus; God’s activated community can do so much better! People will flock to this sort of church where tension is replaced by active love and dynamic solutions. Where muscular compassion drives away prejudice and consigns bigotry to the hellfire extinction it so richly deserves.

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/racism/feed/0The Church: A Laboratory of Compassionhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-church-is-a-laboratory-of-compassion/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-church-is-a-laboratory-of-compassion/#respondMon, 23 Jul 2018 21:19:08 +0000https://whenpeoplearekind.org/?p=887How can a church effectively model the redemptive values that are spelled out in Scripture? Presently there is a narrative out there that says Christians must put their national interests above the kingdom principles of Scripture, or that the biblical narrative must be reshaped to fit the goals of a specific political party. Nothing could …

]]>How can a church effectively model the redemptive values that are spelled out in Scripture?

Presently there is a narrative out there that says Christians must put their national interests above the kingdom principles of Scripture, or that the biblical narrative must be reshaped to fit the goals of a specific political party. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Jesus said the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets can be summed up in the maxim that we are to treat others as we would like to be treated. (Matthew 12:7).

God highly values relationships and the interactions that we have with each other. He wants them to be positive and endearing. And in case you’ve missed it, he is a big fan of showing compassion and mercy.

In contrast, our culture says we should judge and treat people as they deserve to be treated. We’re trained to give “an eye for a eye” and “a tooth for a tooth.” It’s easy to do because our fallen natures resonate with “kangaroo justice,” which means that even if we don’t know all the facts we’re ready to judge and punish the offenders. We’re eager to be the jury and the judge so we can quickly move on to the next thing.

But we are called to a higher place, to that of showing compassion for all—including the underserving. In fact, we are commanded to love our enemies! In order to do this we must be non-conformists! The world says we are to treat people a certain way, but Jesus says, “No, you are to do the opposite.” “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God re-mould your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity” (Romans 12:2, J.B. Phillips New Testament).

The church should be a safety zone—a place that draws people together, as it excludes the cultural and political expectations that try to marginalize some. The church is the staging ground for Heaven, meaning that what God values most will be on full display among those who claim to reflect his character. In our divisive, angry culture, the church should stand out like a healthy thumb on a sore hand—meaning that it should be seen as this amazingly inclusive and compassionate community that makes the world look sick.

As we spend time with Jesus, questions about how we should relate to people (of all stripes, colors and backgrounds) will melt away because Scripture makes it pretty clear.

Principles to Live By

Love Your Enemies – “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:44-45, NLT).

“Every unjust act toward a fellow being is a violation of the golden rule. Every wrong done to the children of God, is done to Christ Himself in the person of His saints… He who truly fears God, would rather toil day and night, and eat the bread of poverty, than to indulge the passion for gain that oppresses the widow and fatherless or turns the stranger from his right” (Ellen G. White, Christian Service, p. 144).

Tell the Truth – “Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever” (Psalm 15:1-5, NLT). There are six things the Lord hates—no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family” (Proverbs 6:16-19, NLT).

Be Open to All – “For the LORD your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords. He is the great God, the mighty and awesome God, who shows no partiality and cannot be bribed. He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt” (Deuteronomy 10:17-19, NLT).

Be Merciful – “O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8, NLT).

Empathize With Others – “Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! (Romans 13: 14-16, NLT).

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/the-church-is-a-laboratory-of-compassion/feed/0Loving Othershttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/loving-others/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/loving-others/#respondMon, 09 Jul 2018 16:03:59 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=752“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” –Mark Twain One of the biggest problems that confronts us as individuals, families, communities, and the world, is our innate ignorance of how to be kind. Contrary to what many believe, being nice doesn’t come naturally. We are not born with the …

]]>“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” –Mark Twain

One of the biggest problems that confronts us as individuals, families, communities, and the world, is our innate ignorance of how to be kind. Contrary to what many believe, being nice doesn’t come naturally. We are not born with the skills needed to successfully navigate life’s relationships. They must be acquired and developed. If we don’t choose to be loving and kind, it simply doesn’t happen.

Many believe that Christians have mastered how to love people. And when visitors come to your church they expect to find people there who have perfected the art of being nice! Surprise! While it’s true that Christians are supposed to be reflectors of God’s grace, we need to remember that churches are hospitals–filled with sick and broken people. And sometimes it’s all we can do just to be there.

The church is God’s laboratory where he administers grace to human beings under duress. Sometimes it goes well and there are positive results, and at other times it flops. It all depends upon how we respond.

What is your church famous for?

Doctrinal Purity – Most Adventist churches pride themselves on the purity of their teachings and take great pains to stress this point. And who would argue against the importance of finding and following the truth? I once worked for a conference that built their public awareness campaign around the belief that we Adventists have the answers to life’s toughest questions. That’s reassuring to know, but sometimes the answers are only cerebral and fail to impact how we treat each other. Simply put, we must ask God to help us turn our theology into biography.

Blue Zones – Other churches wish to be viewed as “blue zones” where people can learn how to prolong their lives through lifestyle modifications. Why not? Some have reasoned, we have the truth about God, and God has shown us how to be healthy. I once heard of an Adventist church that was so health-minded that if you brought a dish to the potluck that contained some forbidden ingredient, you could be sure it would end up in the trash. Why? Because they put a great deal of emphasis on dietary “holiness.” But what about their relationships with people? How much importance do they put on being gracious and kind? What is more important?

The Church of Ellen White – Some Adventist churches pride themselves in their knowledge of, and adherence to the writings of Ellen White. From the moment you walk in the door, you hear people quoting her writings and notice that Spirit of Prophecy quotes are in the bulletin, posted in the halls, generously sprinkled throughout the announcements, and the pastor’s sermon. I’m a fan of Ellen White and must say it was her book, Steps to Christ that brought me to Christ when I was a teenager. But this is not what I want people to think of first when they hear my name or think of the church I attend. I want them to think about Jesus and the amazing things he’s doing in my life.

Imagine what it would be like if your church was known primarily for its warmth and compassion! If the people in your community thought of Adventists as the kindest people in town, imagine what effect this could have. If word got out (and it were true) that Adventist churches are filled with people who are eager to love everyone (insiders and outsiders) , even if you don’t share their views, people would in droves. Every Sabbath we’d have traffic jams in our parking lots, because there are very few places in the world where people can find unconditional acceptance and love.

At what point does an Adventist church cease to be Adventist? When its members quit observing the Sabbath? Or, when they no longer bear the fruit of the Spirit–love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23, NLT). We could at least assume they are no longer Christian, if they fail to bear the telling marks of those who follow Jesus.

Adventism as its worst is believing that we can never measure up to God’s standards, and that, thanks to our fallen natures, life is much worse than we first imagined. It is believing that most people outside of the church are evil and to be avoided, and that if we are at peace with ourselves and the world, then we’ve probably forgotten some terrible sin that we have committed that needs to be confessed! It is not understanding righteousness by faith and the good news of grace and forgiveness!

Adventism at its best is discovering that God is not the tyrant we thought he was, and that life on this planet can be better than we first imagined. It is discovering (through God’s Word and positive human relationships) a new sense of personal dignity and self worth that we didn’t know existed, and finding that through Christ we can experience peace with ourselves and the world, even in the midst of conflict.

“Don’t cause the Holy Spirit sorrow by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who marks you to be present on that day when salvation from sin will be complete. Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ” (Ephesians 4:30-32, Living Bible).

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/loving-others/feed/0Being Right, But Meanhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/being-right-but-mean/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/being-right-but-mean/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:50:44 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=749We spend a lot of time and energy debunking theological error and warning the world of sin, but in the end the pivotal question that we must all face is how we have treated people. In God’s view it is simply not enough for us to be right. We must also be nice! Jesus said …

]]>We spend a lot of time and energy debunking theological error and warning the world of sin, but in the end the pivotal question that we must all face is how we have treated people. In God’s view it is simply not enough for us to be right. We must also be nice!

Jesus said the essence of the gospel is found in the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). In the final judgment, with the allegory of the separation of the sheep and the goats, the burning question that each person is asked is not, do you believe in the 2300 year prophecy? The Sabbath? Or did you tithe? Did you believe that women should be ordained to ministry? While such questions may have importance, they pale into insignificance in comparison to the question of whether we have treated one another with compassion and grace (See Matthew 25:31-46).

What we believe is significant because such knowledge can be transformational. But knowing the truth does not necessarily make us into nice people. In fact, having a knowledge of truth without a personal relationship with Jesus can do more damage to the church and the world than if we hadn’t known the truth at all.

To the legalistic Pharisees Jesus said, “Hypocrites! For you cross land and sea to make one convert, and then you turn that person into twice the child of hell you yourselves are” (Matthew 25:13, NLT).

Some people use the excuse of “calling sin by its right name” for being mean. But in the end, there will be no excuses for treating anyone other than we ourselves would wish to be treated.

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/being-right-but-mean/feed/0Label Your Churchhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/label-your-church/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/label-your-church/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:47:58 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=746If people were asked to describe your church in one word, what word would they choose? To some this might be a frightening thought, but it’s actually a good question to ask. How do others perceive us? What are the characteristics of the Happyville SDA Church? This could be an enlightening experiment to try on …

]]>If people were asked to describe your church in one word, what word would they choose? To some this might be a frightening thought, but it’s actually a good question to ask. How do others perceive us? What are the characteristics of the Happyville SDA Church?

This could be an enlightening experiment to try on ourselves. Some Sabbath, during the opening announcements, pass out small slips of paper and ask each person (members and visitors alike) to “describe this church with one word.” Stress that they can only use one word (no compound words allowed)! Some will think it’s unfair to limit people to one word, but most of us already do this with many things. We do it in the marketplace and in our relationships with people. Have you ever heard someone say that shopping at ACME market is great? Or, so and so is a jerk?

Yeah, I’m talking about labels. They’re easy to apply, often inaccurate, and hard to shake. Sometimes they are misapplied, but in the business world the aggregate data that labels provide is used by marketing research to understand customer perceptions.

How are people labeling us as Seventh-day Adventists? How are they labeling your church? If asked, which word would they choose? The Happyville SDA Church is, Warm? Friendly? Unhappy? Dedicated? Irrelevant? Biblical? Compassionate? Bigoted? Political? Liberal? Conservative? Kind? Intellectual? Evangelistic?

The collective responses could be as instructive as looking in the mirror to remind ourselves of our actual appearance.

Is it possible to change the aggregate characteristics of a church? Yes, but not overnight. Here are some interesting thoughts about organizational change within the business world.

“Organizational change initiatives often arise out of problems faced by a company. In some cases, however, companies are encouraged to change for other, more positive reasons. ‘Change commonly occurs because the organization experiences some difficulty,’ Bateman and Zeithaml wrote. ‘But sometimes the most constructive change takes place not because of problems but because of opportunities.’ The authors used the term ‘performance gap’ to describe the difference between a company’s actual performance and the performance of which it is capable. Recognition of a performance gap often provides the impetus for change, as companies strive to improve their performance to expected levels. This sort of gap is also where many entrepreneurs find opportunities to begin new businesses.

Unfortunately, as Rick Mauer noted in an article for HR Focus, statistics show that many organizational change efforts fail. For example, 50 percent of quality improvement programs fail to meet their goals, and 30 percent of process re-engineering efforts are unsuccessful. The most common reason that change efforts fail is that they encounter resistance from employees. Change appears threatening to many people, which makes it difficult to gain their support and commitment to implementing changes. Consequently, the ability to manage change effectively is a highly sought-after skill in managers. Companies need people who can contribute positively to their inevitable change efforts.” 1

The church is in the business of sharing the Good News about Jesus and reflecting his love to others. Essentially we are a group of beggars telling other beggars where to find bread. Part of our success is tied to how convincing we are with our “sales” pitch. Do we look and act like we’ve found bread? Do we draw people in with our sense of joy and enthusiasm? It’s pretty hard to be excited about something we haven’t experienced ourselves. How long has it been since we’ve “eaten the bread” and been renewed?

Regardless of what you hear in the news about other people, even professed “Christians,” who are angry about politics, culture or whatever happens to be the latest grip, this is the holy grail–the kind of life that Jesus calls us to embrace:

“Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender hearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. For the Scriptures say, ‘If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil'” (1 Peter 3:8-12, NLT).

It is important to be reminded of this because we live in a world that has forgotten how to be gentle and kind, and unfortunately we as Christians have been affected by this and it has seeped into our churches. Consequently, the aggregate condition of many churches is not conducive to fulfilling their stated mission. Instead of impacting their communities in positive ways, they are perceived as detached, toxic, inward focused, disinterested, or somewhat aloof.

Pacific Conference Church Support Services is engaged in an initiative to address this issue head on. We believe that by God’s grace we can be the salt and light that Jesus described in Matthew 5:13-16. So, we are inviting you to journey with us, through this website and some of the resources we are creating, let’s make ourselves available for God to bring joy into people’s lives!

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father” (NLT).

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/label-your-church/feed/0A Revolution of Compassionhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/a-revolution-of-compassion/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/a-revolution-of-compassion/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:39:23 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=743We recently interviewed Jose Cortez Jr. (Associate Director of the NAD Ministerial Department), about his involvement with the Movement of Compassion. In case you haven’t heard, The Adventist Church in North America has gone nuclear with compassion and kindness. Editor – Jose, you have spoken of the need for Adventist members to start a revolution! …

]]>We recently interviewed Jose Cortez Jr. (Associate Director of the NAD Ministerial Department), about his involvement with the Movement of Compassion. In case you haven’t heard, The Adventist Church in North America has gone nuclear with compassion and kindness.

Editor – Jose, you have spoken of the need for Adventist members to start a revolution! In sociological terms a revolution is defined as “a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure, especially one made suddenly and often accompanied by violence.” You certainly aren’t calling for violence of any kind, but you are suggesting the need for Adventists to initiate a movement of positive change. Tell us more about this.

Cortez – Yes, I believe it is paramount that we as Seventh-day Adventists, individually and corporately, reflect Jesus as much as possible. We have a great message, perhaps the most complete set of beliefs anywhere in Christianity, yet having been an Adventist for over 43 years, I have noticed that we can use more love and compassion, not only in our daily lives and personal relationships but in our church life, in how we treat our own members and even more how we treat those who are not like us. Our publications, presentations, and preaching also need to take the love of God and the Compassion of Jesus to the next level. We need to understand that if we have everything down pat, have the right doctrines, and believe the right things, but have no compassion, then we are wrong. At times when I look around it feels that we have a big mouth and amputated arms and legs, and this is sad. If we are the Church of Jesus, and I believe we are, we must be a lot more like He is, we must show our love to others, like He did when He walked this earth.

This is why we are calling for a Movement of Compassion among Adventists across the territory of the North American Division. Just imagine members of all ages, who intentionally live out the love of God and the Compassion of Jesus in practical ways, everywhere, in our homes, churches, and communities bringing hope for the future by loving and serving people in the present.

Editor – OK. So the North American Division is calling upon its members to be more caring and compassionate, and you have a slogan and various dates where you are asking churches and individual members to focus on this emphasis. Help me out, I’m feeling like this is a corporate campaign and am struggling with how we can do this so that it doesn’t just come across as an institutional exercise in “niceness.”

Cortez – Haha, an exercise in niceness is surely much better than an exercise in meanness. Looking at the life of Jesus in the Gospels we see that although He was the Creator, He was not known as the Creationist, He was the Lord of the Sabbath, but no one referred to Him as the Sabbatarian, He was the Alpha and Omega and knew everything about the end-time yet He was not known as someone who went around scaring people off with end-time events. Although He had created the body and knew all about total health, people did not know Him as the Health Freak. Neither was He known as the Perfect One, even though He was perfect. People knew Jesus because of His love and compassion. Wherever He went people could tell that He cared for them and loved them. His love and compassion were His genuine trademark during His earthly ministry. People knew Him as the one who was moved with deep compassion for them, the One who loved them in such a way that whenever He came in touch with them, their lives became better off than before. He loved people so much, He was willing to pay the ultimate price, His life, to save humanity.

When I look at our church, I see a great need for improvement, individually beginning with my own life, and also corporately in our churches. It seems that in our desire to remain pure and to pass on our heritage we have forgotten what Jesus was all about. For years some have chosen our traditions over the very people that Jesus came to serve and save, forgetting that even our beliefs are gifts from God to bless humanity. As a Church, we have put an exaggerated emphasis on things that did not define Jesus, his life and ministry, such as dress, diet, taste of music, and perfection. Yet when I read about Jesus, I realize that people did not follow him or loved him for any of those things. People loved Jesus because Jesus loved people.

I see this Movement of Compassion as a wake up call, a reminder to Adventists in North America that Jesus counts on us to carry on and be Him in our communities. This is a personal call not to an event or a campaign, but to a personal lifestyle with the priorities of Jesus. It is really a call to a life of discipleship and mission. The dates are there only as reminders that we are His Hands and Feet. We are hoping that once Adventists across North America become very intentional about this, we will all get hooked on Compassion in such away that we won’t need dates, logos, websites, or reminders. And I must admit, It is sad that we have to do this, we are supposed to do this automatically, but we are praying that as we raise awareness people will take a closer look and that the Holy Spirit will lead us into that “Compassionate Jesus lifestyle.”

Editor – What you are saying is revolutionary, and I am with you 100%. In the words of Stephan C. Paul, you are saying, “It’s time to quit protecting the seed and be the flower.” As Adventist we like to be known as “the people of the Book”–meaning that everything we believe and teach comes from the Bible. But I have to say that in many ways we are more info-centric than people-centric. We have all of the right information, but often fall short when it comes to treating others with compassion and grace. We need to be more intentional about turning our theology into biography.

So, give me a brief overview of your vision for changing the culture of Adventist churches in North America.

Cortez – To help change the culture in North America we have called for Adventists across the United States, Canada, Bermuda, and the islands of Guam and Micronesia to invest 10 Million hours of intentional love and service to our communities in 2016. We’ve called it Compassion 10 Million. Why 10 Million, it is a number that is big enough to inspire and totally doable. With 1.2 million Adventists in North America, if we all jumped on board, that would mean about 8 hours per person during a year, which is not difficult at all. But let’s say that only 500,000 Adventists make a commitment to live a Compassionate lifestyle, that would be about 20 hours per person, still something very attainable, and perhaps surpass-able. How can we do it? By finding the needs of the people around us and making an intentional effort to help them with their needs, not just once, but on a regular basis. Many of our churches hold a special day for service in the community per year, but somehow we forget that our communities are around every day, people live and need us all 365 days of the year. If we only pass by once in a while and do drive-by-acts of kindness and compassion we may never truly bless anyone long-term and gain their trust. But when we dedicate time to people and become the hands and the feet of Jesus to them, and are there for them in a regular basis, individuals, families, and communities begin to be transformed, relationships are built, the name of Jesus is lifted up before people, and our churches are revitalized as people get engaged in doing for others what Jesus did.

We are encouraging each Adventist church to participate in the Compassion Weekends, a special time set aside each second weekend of the month to show the love of God and Compassion of Jesus in practical ways to our communities. A weekend when the different ministries and departments of our churches get to collaborate on behalf of those who are in need. The purpose of the Compassion Weekends is to remind us of our mission and help us to create the lifestyle mindset, Compassion is not something we do, it is something we are; Compassion is not an event, it is a lifestyle. Repetition can help us to create the habit of caring for people regularly. The more we do it, the more it will become part of who we are as a church.

The challenge for each Adventist and each Adventist church in Arizona, California, Hawaii, Nevada, and Utah is to go out in the streets, meet people, find out what their needs and the needs of the community are, and begin to intentionally collaborate together, as members and ministries, to fulfill those needs, always remembering that the Method of Christ is the best way to bring people to Jesus. This Movement of Compassion will help transform individuals, families, and communities, will revitalize our churches as more people of all ages get engaged in serving others, will usher the church into the public square (where we have been missing for a long time), and will also cause our church to grow, because after all, who does not want to hang out with people who are loving, serving, and caring.

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/a-revolution-of-compassion/feed/0SpiritWERKShttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/spiritwerks/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/spiritwerks/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:34:25 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=742The more we experience and celebrate God’s grace and recognize what he has done for us, the more compassionate we will be toward others. Speaking of the woman who “recklessly” anointed his feet with expensive perfume, Jesus said, “She has loved much because she was forgiven much.” How many of us understand that we have …

]]>The more we experience and celebrate God’s grace and recognize what he has done for us, the more compassionate we will be toward others. Speaking of the woman who “recklessly” anointed his feet with expensive perfume, Jesus said, “She has loved much because she was forgiven much.” How many of us understand that we have been forgiven much?

We are looking for Seventh-day Adventist churches within the Pacific Union Conference who are willing to become laboratories of compassion—meaning they are ready to go nuclear with kindness and love, and are ready to put this statement to the test:

“If we would humble ourselves before God, and be kind and courteous and tender-hearted and pitiful, there would be one hundred conversions to the truth where now there is only one.” –Testimonies to the Church, vol. 9 p. 189

This is not meant to be a “cute” program or some kind of staged operation. We are not encouraging churches to participate simply to get results, although Ellen White said there will be a marked increase in conversions when we treat people well. This is about making our churches places of nurture, and about truly being salt and light within the communities where we live.

Going Nuclear with Compassion

What does it mean to go nuclear with compassion? SpiritWERKS is the name of an initiative whereby we invite the Holy Spirit to empower us to love as Jesus loved! It is an intentional effort to make our churches more sticky with compassion. We say that a website is “sticky” when visitors linger there to take advantage of all its good content. A sticky church is one that passionately focuses on loving people without strings and helping them to experience God’s grace through positive interaction.

Churches who wish to participate are asked to develop a comprehensive plan to promote compassion within their church families as a means nurture and community outreach. If you don’t have a plan, the following suggestions may help you get started.

* Present the concept to your board. Talk about it during a scheduled church board meeting and vote to make compassion a top priority.

* Share the church board vote with your church family (email, letter, a Sabbath morning presentation). Explain the significance of doing this. This is about moving your church away from an info-centric focus (where doctrines and information take precedence over people and relationships), and putting more of your focus on what it means to love and live with other people. Doctrines are still important (they serve as the skeleton of the body), but our interaction with fellow church members and guests represents the flesh and blood of the gospel, which is where the nurturing takes place.

* Commit to incorporating the concepts of The Narrow Gate study material (or something similar) into one or more of the following venues – Elder’s meetings, small groups, mid-week service, sermon’s, etc.

* Develop ways to model compassion and kindness within your church family and community. Be willing to share what you’re doing with the other churches.

* Periodically feature stories about forgiveness and compassion in your worship services. Keep a list of these and share them whenever you can.

* Talk about it with your members. Within the 24 month period be willing to spend significant amounts of time talking and praying about God’s grace, particularly as it pertains to how we should treat people.

* At the end of the 24 month period, be willing to share your experience via video, article format, or a live presentation with your sister churches throughout the Pacific Union Conference. Let others know how your pronounced emphasis on compassion has affected your church and community.

It is important that whatever you do it should fit the personality and needs of your church family and community. If you’ve developed a plan and would be willing to share it with us so others could benefit from your experience, please let us know.

Our Changing World

Our world is becoming increasingly more divided along political, racial, religious and ethnic lines. Talk radio and hate TV has poisoned our culture to the point that it’s difficult to have a meaningful conversation with people without the discussion ending in irritation and sometimes even heated exchanges. Politicians stoke the “flames” by making inflammatory statements and challenging traditional values. Civility is slipping away.

What if your church had the reputation of being the one place people could go to in their community to find acceptance and compassion–regardless of their background or beliefs? Yes, with intentionality it is possible to treat people with grace even though they may not act or think like we do.

Adventists know a lot about “truth,” and have been known as the people of the “book” (the Bible). But Jesus said his people are to be primarily known by their love! Don’t you think it’s time for this to become a reality?

Rich DuBose is director of Pacific Union Conference Church Support Services.

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/spiritwerks/feed/0Toxic Churcheshttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/toxic-churches/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/toxic-churches/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:18:34 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=739There is no such thing as a perfect church. Because churches are comprised of imperfect people, it makes sense that churches are likely to be imperfect as well. While most understand this and make allowances for human frailties, some are surprised and angry when they find problems in the church and will even suggest that this …

]]>There is no such thing as a perfect church. Because churches are comprised of imperfect people, it makes sense that churches are likely to be imperfect as well. While most understand this and make allowances for human frailties, some are surprised and angry when they find problems in the church and will even suggest that this is evidence that God isn’t there. However, I believe the critical question is not, “can we ever be perfect?” but can we learn to accept our weaknesses and allow God to transform us as he desires?

If we are upset that our church isn’t perfect, then we may be part of the problem. When our expectations of others is higher than is humanly attainable, we set ourselves up for disappointment and alienation. A church is a network of relationships that requires human interaction, understanding and forgiveness. When we become a member of a local congregation, we expose ourselves to a depth of richness and joy that can only be found when we share life together. But the potential for increased heartache and disappointment is there as well.

Every church family has blind spots and areas that need to be improved, and it is the work of pastors and local church leaders to nurture their flocks toward health and healing.

Having said this, some churches exceed the normal limits of imperfection and display the troubling symptoms of dysfunction and major illness. Unfortunately, such churches are actually capable of doing more harm than good.

A chorus of writers and church leaders have referred to such religious environments as toxic.

In a broader sense, the word toxic refers to something that is (1) poisonous—a material especially capable of causing death or serious debilitation, such as toxic waste. (2) Something that exhibits symptoms of infection or toxicosis (such as a patient whose condition becomes toxic). Or, (3) Something that is extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

What is a toxic church?

Several months back I asked my Facebook friends to complete the following sentence. Here are a few of their responses:

A church is toxic when…

– When people are critical and judgmental of others who are different.

– It is focused on perpetuating itself rather than uplifting Christ.

– It is always right (in its own eyes)

– It is intellectually closed.

– Its leaders lead by power over instead of servant leadership. And where abusers are protected while the pain of victims is ignored.

– Members squabble over power.

– It is divided.

– The members are without love and unity for/with each other.

– Members mix politics and religion from the pulpit and try to knock down the wall separating Church from State.

(Facebook survey 2014)

A Word to the Wise

While we don’t often think of churches as toxic or dangerous places, some caution that we should not automatically assume that every church is healthy. Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton wrote about this in their classic book, Toxic Faith, where they identify 10 negative traits in churches to watch out for.

· The members of the toxic-faith system claim their character, abilities or knowledge make them “special” in some way.

· The leader is dictatorial and authoritarian.

· Religious addicts are at war with the world to protect their terrain and to establish themselves as godly persons who can’t be compared to other persons of faith.

· Toxic-faith systems are punitive in nature.

· Religious addicts are asked to give overwhelming service.

· Many religious addicts in the system are physically ill, emotionally distraught, and spiritually dead.

· Communication is from the top down or from the inside out.

· Rules are distortions of God’s intent and leave him out of the relationship.

· Religious addicts lack objective accountability.

· The technique of labeling is used to discount a person who opposes the beliefs of the religious addict.1

The Truth Will Set You Free

Christian author and speaker, Philip Yancy, had a church experience that was anything but positive.

“I joke that I’ve been ‘in recovery’ from a toxic church ever since childhood, and I sometimes threaten my publisher that I’ll write a book called, Lies My Church Told Me. I grew up in a fundamentalist, racist, legalistic church in the American South. Lots of heavy breathing and yelling, and lots of talk about Hell. In various books I recount the process I went through in realizing that the Gospel presented in that church was bad news, whereas the real Gospel is good news. Jesus said the truth shall set us free; well, if it doesn’t set you free, then it’s not the truth.

I wrote a book with the title, The Jesus I Never Knew, because I got to know a very different Jesus than the one my childhood church had portrayed. I wrote, What’s So Amazing About Grace, because I’ve never recovered from that first gulp of God’s grace, so different from what I had experienced in my childhood church. If Jesus can make prodigals, beggars, prostitutes, and Samaritan half-breeds the heroes and heroines of his stories, then maybe there’s a place for me.”2

Your Response

What should you do if you discover that your church is sick and that people aren’t being nurtured in love? Now comes the hard part. There are no easy answers because each situation is uniquely different. Understanding the problem may take months or years. Sometimes the toxicity of a situation is leadership oriented, and the pastor is either the problem or plays a role in perpetuating the problem. But it can also be driven by a small group of members who view themselves as the real power brokers. Some refer to these as patriarchs or matriarchs who typically believe they have “earned” the right to lead. It can be an individual, a handful of members, or a group of families who stealthily commandeer the leadership positions of the church and pretty much call the shots. Such a scenario can lead to toxicity and congregational abuse.

As individuals, when we find ourselves in abusive spiritual environments, we can prayerfully talk with church leaders about what we are experiencing (which is the course that Matthew 18 prescribes). But if this has been tried and there is no change, or worse yet, matters deteriorate, the best course is often to just leave and go elsewhere. This is problematic if there are no other Adventist churches nearby. We want to be true to our faith, yet we don’t wish to remain in an environment where abuse and negativity persists.

If you are a leader of an Adventist church that has become toxic, you are in a position to suggest and possibly effect positive change. Praise God, and ask Him for guidance as you approach your fellow leaders to talk about the problem and the future of your church.

The following steps may be useful, but should not be viewed as a cure. There is no magic bullet. Large amounts of prayer, dialog and sharing are needed to restore a church back to health.

1. Read and Pray – Members of the Board of Elders and the Church Board should read through Toxic Faith, by Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, then spend intentional time in prayer and open dialog.

2. Seek to Understand – Invite a guest speaker or ministry consultant to come and address the Board of Elders and Church Board. You want them to help you identify the issues that are triggering the negative behaviors. You probably need to survey the board and church members at large to understand the perceptions that exists. Actually, it wouldn’t hurt to do a wellness exam on your church about every two years. The NCD (Natural Church Growth) material may be a helpful tool to consider.

3. Acknowledge Your Condition – Step three is probably the hardest. Once you have surveyed the leaders and members, if the results show that your church is spiritually toxic and abusive, the pastor and church leaders need to acknowledge it to themselves and to the entire congregation. The healing begins when we clearly state, “this is what we are like.”

There is no guarantee that things won’t get uglier before they get better. Some may continue to fight or complain that things aren’t going their way. And some may decide that the drama is more than they bargained for and leave. But God has promised to bless us when we seek Him with open hearts, and that’s something we can hold onto.

Bart Breen highlights some of the identifying traits of churches that are healthy and toxic. While his definitions cannot be viewed as a definitive guide, they provide us with markers that can be great discussion starters.

1. A healthy church multiplies its leaders; a toxic church revolves around a few who control access to leadership and protect against others challenging or participating in it.

2. A healthy church identifies congregant’s gifts and equips and frees them to function. Toxic churches place people in positions without regard to gifting because the task is more important to forwarding the goals of the organization regardless of its form.

3. A healthy church has a strong percentage of its people involved in ministry outside their doors, while a toxic church worries primarily about internal appearances and functions.

4. A healthy Church sees people as vital like organs within a body. A toxic church sees individuals as expendable and sacrifices them when necessary to promote the needs of the organization.

5. Healthy Churches promote healthy relationships between all in fellowship, including congregants and leaders, even where there are positions and hierarchy. Toxic churches focus on hierarchy, one way accountability and place leaders on pedestals where they cannot be criticized or challenged without those doing so being ostracized regardless of the legitimacy of their concerns.

6. Healthy Churches focus upon what draws people closer to God personally and to one another to grow in spiritual maturity and freedom. Toxic Churches tend to focus more upon what ties people to the institution and makes them dependent upon the organization and less likely to leave.

7. Toxic church leadership operates from the position, implied or openly stated that leadership’s character, abilities or knowledge makes them “special” to where their leadership decisions descend to their followers through them from God. Healthy Church leadership, even where this exists in hierarchical organizations, recognizes that the position or functioning within the body of Christ to lead is ultimately one of service and requires a willingness to submit and listen to the responses of others regardless of organizational position and delegated authority. Efficiency does not justify the nullifying of the priesthood of all believers.

8. Toxic Churches focus on punishing and pushing others away in order to maintain “purity.” Healthy Churches focus on restoring and bringing others in, in order to extend the Love of God and with one another.

9. Healthy Churches know how to work to meet collective goals and also when to rest while not fearing that the God who implemented the Sabbath practice and principle is now impatiently fuming over any momentary inactivity and time for restoration. Toxic Churches demand incessant service from staff and core volunteers, sanctify it as God’s due and then make nowhere near the same effort to minister to the fallen after they have burned out and their service is no longer available, instead seeking to find the next person “called” to replace them.

10. Healthy churches have open doors and welcome people regardless of where they are in their lives. People who enter their circles are loved first and accepted with a view to building relationships before seeking to correct or change things in their lives and even then, their acceptance is not contingent on how well or quickly they change or grow. Toxic churches have doors guarded by gatekeepers who seek to identify people coming in by categories and labels, and on that basis determine if they are welcome, or what they must do before they can be accepted.3

This is not to say that everything that goes on in church should make us feel warm, fuzzy, and happy. Growing physically and in the Lord has its painful moments! Sometimes we hear things that rub us the wrong way and make us conflicted. The test is not whether we are asked to do something we don’t want to do, but how are we treated in the growth process? How do we as a church treat people? Jesus was a patient and tender Teacher with His hearers, and in some cases it took years for them to arrive at where He wanted them to be. Peter was a disciple of Jesus for three years before he was converted!

Summary

Healthy Christians do not intentionally highlight the shortcomings and failures of their fellow believers. When Jesus reigns supreme in our hearts, we don’t go around looking for problems in the church or in other people’s lives. But sometimes the problems are so obvious they cannot be ignored. How do we deal with conflict in the church–individually and corporately? How do we as a church remain healthy and strong? What happens when a church becomes sick? Even, toxic?

We should not assume that every church is healthy, no more than it should be assumed that every person we meet is healthy. Just as we need to take care of our personal health and undergo periodic testing, so every church should be periodically examined to make sure it is healthy and spiritually balanced.

]]>https://whenpeoplearekind.org/toxic-churches/feed/0Do No Harmhttps://whenpeoplearekind.org/do-no-harm/
https://whenpeoplearekind.org/do-no-harm/#respondFri, 06 Jul 2018 22:09:58 +0000http://kindpeople.wpengine.com/?p=733Hate melts away when we consider that each person wrestles with their own brokenness and pain. The Individuals we love to hate often cover up enormous amounts of pain and loss. All of the bravadoness and buffoonery in the world cannot make our personal losses and heartaches go away–even if we are Donald Trump. Who …

]]>Hate melts away when we consider that each person wrestles with their own brokenness and pain.

The Individuals we love to hate often cover up enormous amounts of pain and loss. All of the bravadoness and buffoonery in the world cannot make our personal losses and heartaches go away–even if we are Donald Trump.

Who am I to hold a grudge against those who have injured my pride, or who are opposed to what I believe?

My mission is not to try and coerce the world or anyone in it into seeing things my way. Rather, I am here to effect change though the subtlties of influence and compassion; to reflect the beauty of grace and to shine a light upon God’s goodness! He is the One who transforms and changes hearts? Like the sunflowers in the field, my face is turned toward the Son of righteousness for mercy and forgiveness.

​When we are in tune with what God values, our lives stand out in bold contrast to the dysfunctions of the world. We don’t have to tell people we’re different because it is written all over our lives. The challenge is that some may not believe we are real. Compassion scares those who are used to a steady diet of bigotry and hate.

Part of the Hippocratic oath that Physicians take, reads, “I will use treatment to help the sick according to my ability and judgment, but never with a view to injury and wrong-doing. Neither will I administer a poison to anybody when asked to do so, nor will I suggest such a course….Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free.” The idea of not harming others is worthy of emulation. In our interactions with people each day our goal should be only to bless and heal.

Our recent Presidential election was a crazy ride. Many are afraid of how the new administration will act and legislate. Even if we find ourselves at odds with some of Trump’s policies and agenda, we can lash out and resort to name-calling, or we can take the high road and stay focused on the issues without denigrating the person. Otherwise we become like those who are completely unprincipled. We may not win every argument or battle, yet in the end, if we have treated each one with dignity and respect (even when they don’t deserve it), we are richer for it!

Imagine yourself as an actor or actress on a stage. Do you know your part? Do you know your lines? When the time comes for you to act, will it be with spontanaety and grace, or will you miss your cue?

“You are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted” (1 Peter 2:9-10, The Message).