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Cellphones in relationships : A survival guide

So if you’re in a relationship and you plan to buy a phone or have just bought one,and it turns out to be an Android or iPhone, here are a few tips to prevent life from becomingliving hell

1. NEVER install WhatsApp WhatsApp is probably the worst thing to happen to couples. Sure, you can message all the time for very little cost, but few are aware of the minuscule bomb planted into the app. Your other half can not only know if the message has been delivered like normal texts, but also if you have read it or if you started typing a reply and forgot all about them.

Yes, it can get ugly, can’t it ?

2. NEVER share your locationSharing your location means your other half will know exactly where you are and how much time you should take to pick them up. Yes, they will know much time you SHOULD take, instead of how much time you might take. Goodbye to all those little diversions for snacks or for saying quick hellos to friends.

Not a very pleasant thought.

3. NEVER get an Unlimited Data PlanGetting an Unlimited Data Plan means you’ll be connected pretty much 24×7. The horror of it ! So if you want some time for yourself or if you don’t want to do something with your significant other, you’ll have to dodge : phone calls, sms, WhatsApp, chat,location and any and all other services that you foolishly signed up for on their suggestion (read pestering)

And you thought you lived in a free country

4. NEVER use FoursquareSo managed to get out from a boring outing by lying ? Foursquare is your worst enemy. Sure, you can check into someplace to become the Mayor of that place, but you are going to get hell back at home. A pretty sad Mayor you would be.

5. NEVER get the same handsetNEVER EVER. They will make sure you have hell. How ?

If they approve of the idea, you will be embarrassed to hell listening to them rant on acting all cute and mushy and making you go “Leave my damned phone out of this”.

Or better still if they DON’T like you getting the same handset, they’ll make sure you give it to your younger sibling and get a new one within six months. Or face consequences.

Enjoy.

6. NEVER even get the same OSIf your criminal partner (partner-in-crime has gotten too mushy, and this term seems more appropriate) has a phone running Froyo, get one running Eclair, Gingerbread or Honeycomb. Anything other than Froyo.In fact, get an iPhone. That way, you won’t have to deal with their tech problems, share or approve of their enthusiasm for apps or be responsible for teaching them stuff. Or be responsible for sharing your cool new app with them. Because come on, even you like to be the only one to have an awesomely cool app sometimes, isn’t it ?

I could probably go on, but I’d rather not for the sake of keeping it amusing and not-boring till the end.