Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

(The customer then proceeds to go on a rampage through the entire store, knocking over multiple games and destroying several others. We had to call the police to arrest him. An hour later, his brother shows up)

(I work in a campground that is just outside of the city limits. We are off a highway that has the ‘Welcome to our city’ sign on it, and which is the only way in or out of the city for miles. A customer comes in with a GPS.)

Customer: “I’d like to get into the city. What should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Oh, it’s quite simple, just exit the campground and turn right. The highway leads into the city.”

Customer: “But what should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Are you looking for a particular location?”

Customer: “No, I just want to get into the city itself. Can you tell my GPS what directions it should give me?”

Me: “All you have to do is turn right and follow the highway. You won’t need your GPS. Once you pass the ‘Welcome’ sign you should begin to see buildings.”

Customer: “But how do I get into the city? I need my GPS to tell me what to do!”

(I give up, and program the GPS with the coordinates of a gas station just past the ‘Welcome’ sign.)

GPS: “Turn right. In five kilometers, you will reach your destination.”

Customer: “Hey, the city is just down the road! You could have just told me to turn right!”

(Like many other call centers, if a customer immediately wants to speak to a supervisor, we’re supposed to get as much information as possible and see if we can solve the problem ourselves, since the number of escalations is factored into performance reviews and bonuses. I overhear a coworker on a call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Coworker]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, but first may I ask what the issue is and have your account number, so that my supervisor can better assist you?”

Caller: “It’s [number], and I’m calling because I lost my user manual and requested a replacement, but I never received it! I want the person I talked to before fired!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. When did you request the replacement?”

Caller: “Ten minutes ago!”

(My coworker looks at the account and sees there was an order placed a few minutes before for a free physical copy of the manual to be sent out.)

Coworker: “Oh, I do see the order here, but they must’ve misunderstood. You wanted it via email?”

Caller: “No, regular mail.”

Coworker: “… then it wouldn’t have arrived yet, ma’am. The order was placed, but it needs to ship out. You should have it within two business days, unless you want it sent via email instead.”

Caller: “No, regular mail! Don’t argue with me! I’m not doing this for me! I’m doing it for you!”

(This goes back and forth for a couple of minutes, but eventually she hangs up without speaking to a supervisor, though she still demands that the previous agent be fired.)

Coworker: “I bet she’ll call back wanting ME to be fired for not teleporting her user manual to her.”

(When our store first started using spiderwire (an alarmed wire wrapped around packaging) we weren’t allowed to tell people what is was, for whatever reason. When asked, I would just say it is a security device. I am pressed on how it works by one belligerent customer:)

Me: “This is a sophisticated anti-theft system we’ve just invested in. If one leaves the store it will automatically engage the alarm and trigger the GPS tracking. We then relay the information to the police. It’s so we can not only stop theft, but bust thieves in their own homes.”

(The customer’s mouth was open with shock.)

Customer: “I didn’t realize [Store] was capable of that!”

(He then set his item wrapped in wire down slowly and literally ran out of the store.)

(I do a lot of support for products I sell online via direct chat in text. Often google translate is used by customers. Unfortunately, my customer doesn’t know I speak Spanish and begins to rely on the translator. Please note that ‘tenía’ is past tense for ‘I have’ and ‘tenia’ means ‘tapeworm.’)

Me. “Ah, it appears that you unlinked the product. That’s okay; I’ll send you a new one.”