In a Musing Mood

A New Plan – Or Possibly A Continuation Of An Old One

So, I’m finding it increasingly hard to stay in the closet at work. I’ve got a couple of toes out now, and the rest of me is begging to get it over with. Just yesterday, I sent a FB friend request to one of my coworkers. As I wrote before, I may have been wrong about her, so that sucks. Today however was a different story.

I was wearing one of SO’s shirts with a chiffon bottom. Near the end of the day, one of my coworkers asked me where I got the shirt from. She asked in front of everyone, so I calmly said that it was the SO’s shirt. Coworker said something to the effect of that’s why she liked it. Then coworker asked me if I swung both ways. WTF??!! What does that have to do with me wearing the SO’s clothes, huh? So I had to send her a FB friend request. This coworker can be a bit loud sometimes, so I IM’d her to tell her to keep it on the down low. She said cool, and then she looked at my FB, and damn was she shocked!! HAHAHAHA!! You know, it’s funny to hear these kinds of reactions, but it is also kind of sad too because it makes me think that I won’t pass. But what is passing anyway?

Back to the story. As we were leaving, I had to explain the difference between gender and sex. I am not sure she understands – well, let me take that back and give her a little more credit. She is a smart woman, so maybe a little education will help. Who knows. The one thing I do know is that I am ready to come out, ready to lose coworker friendship and face ostracization and possibly lose my job. I know now that people may have been talking about the clothing I have been wearing recently, as I have exchanged my male clothing for female clothing, for the most part.

The plan – that was the original topic of the post – may now be to come out to certain people at work by FB friend requests. Then let them ask questions. This will allow me some semblance of control, all the while educating people on trans issues, and what it means to be trans. I will have to visit HR at some point, but honestly, I am not looking forward to that. I’d rather come out to my team, and the team next to me since we all mix and mingle. I am beginning to feel more comfortable with the people at work, so that’s good. And since that’s the only place where I’m not out, I’m depriving people of the chance to meet the real me, which is not so different from how I’ve always been. That may be the hard part.

Here’s the problem for me, though. I have socialized as male for so long that I default back to it, especially in my voice. Definitely gonna have to work on that. I have a feeling people are not going to take me seriously with my deep male voice.

To conclude this post, I picked this coworker specifically because she is friends with many of my coworkers, and is probably FB friends with them too. Hopefully this means they will low key stalk my page, hahahaha. My guess is that she will have to talk to somebody, as this is too juicy, at least I think so. I can keep a secret. Can she? We shall see!

Alright, dear readers of the page, time for me to go on to other conquests. Stay tuned for more info on this work situation!

EDIT: Really quick, I should say that coming out like this may be great because people’s initial shock hopefully will be quickly replaced with them thinking I am acting the same way I always have.