Apparently, it’s been a month since I last told you about this beautiful blueberry focaccia. A month. And no, I’m not going to ramble on how time flies; I’ve done that too much in the past already. Not that I don’t like to complain – you know I do; but well, I’m just too tired and unhappy.

Or at least I was too tired and unhappy until it all happened.

You see, those past few weeks of unusual silence had a reason. I’m physically exhausted, and an emotional wreck. I barely sleep. I don’t eat how I should. I can’t find comfort anywhere or in anyone. I’m restless, always on the lookout for new experiences to share, new sensations to explore, new, new new.

Every morning I wake up after a couple of hours of sleep only to remember what a long day I’ll find on my path. Daily internship. Writing my thesis. Then going back home. Let the fun begin. I create. Or less fancily – and perhaps more appropriately – I make things.

The creative process is part of me. I don’t care about the end result. What matters to me is how you get it. Beautiful.

This is terrific. Exciting. And totally fulfilling. But also very shattering. Especially when I haven’t had the chance to have a few days off since last Christmas. When I know I’ll have to wake up at 3:30am every morning for a year. No break.

And I still don’t know what I want to do next.

Or more exactly, I know what I want, but also feel like it’s never going to happen (St Martin’s school of design, I shall tell you goodbye before we even met).

I’m scared.

What do I want to be? Product developer. Certainly. Pastry chef. Possibly. Making my dream come true: being the owner of a pastry shop meets bakery meets book store meets cooking school. Hopefully.

So many doubts. And only one thing to be certain about: this focaccia is out of this world. Go and make it before it’s too late and blueberries disappear for another long year full of expectations, worries and excitement.

When I was younger, I remember my dad talking about how his grand father would make him olive oil bread topped with freshly cut apricot halves and baked until the flavours blend beautifully.
And well, since I had some blueberries to use (OK, I needed an excuse for not eating that whole tub); I thought I should give it a try.

The base recipe is just from Dan, as you may have guessed. So good it makes for the most perfect brunch or snack.

You could also replace the oil with softened butter if you feel like the olive flavour might be overpowering (I loved it, but it’s all a matter of taste).

Blueberry focaccia

serves 8

one quantity of focaccia dough
120g demerara sugar
four handfuls of blueberries or any other fruit

Make the dough as detailed here, mixing in the sugar along with the second batch of flour.

Due to the addition of sugar, the dough will turn out way more sticky than your usual focaccia dough; but please, don’t be tempted to throw it away. Make your best to knead it (ever so slightly), proof it then fold it; adding a little extra flour is you really need to.

Shape the dough and scatter the fruits over it.
Bake as indicated. Feel happy.

Comments

I see your point. I passed through it time ago and know it will pass but I also know that saying it doesn’t help you that much.
You have a treasure in your hand and – clearly – in your mind. It’s long time I read your blog and I think all this come out of your posts, photos and RECEIP (!).
I really wish you’ll see everything clear and find the way to what will make your life happier. Take care and eat how you should!
Bonne chance!
Fra

I love reading you, and even now, at the age of 27, after having worked for almost 10 years in a field that I love (software engineering), I can totally relate to what you’re writing – about not knowing what you want. But I came to the conclusion that it’s ok to not have your life all laid out in front of you at 23 – and to only do what feels right for the close period of the coming years. After that – you’ll know when a you’ll need a change – and you can go ahead and make it.
Good luck with the apprentissage, and that focaccia looks amazing!

Hi Fanny,
I love how you express your feelings here (and I love your little notes on Facebook and Twitter too!). If it makes you feel better, I’m way older than you and I’m still not sure where I’ll end up – there’s so much to explore and find out still! So don’t worry – you have so much time to achieve your goals – be sure to enjoy the journey as well! P.S. I spent a year waking up at 4:30 every morning, so bonne chance, my dear!

Fanny, you’ll figure out what you want to be. Look at me , I didn’t realize what I really wanted till I was 40 and I have a lot of catching up to do. Not sure if it will be too late for me to achieve my dream of pastry shop/cooking school…but you my dear girl have your whole life in front of you…:).

Your pictures are always so beautiful! I love focaccia bread and the blueberries are such a pretty addition. I’m sure they are tasty too. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and always enjoy the read. Hang in there. I know what it’s like to be in a rut and for dreams to seem impossible. It’s amazing where a seemingly unexciting path can lead. Hold fast!

Since I come from one of the blueberry states in the US, I CANNOT wait to try this. I adore blueberries and usually eat them plain or in muffins/coffee cake- but this is brilliant. I can’t wait to give it a whirl. Nice work as usual!

Fanny, I think what you have just related on your post is what most people our age have in their minds…I spent 3 years of full time studies in university, but by the time I was awarded my Bachelor’s degree in fashion design…I decided that I do not want to be in the industry after all. But it’s all part of the process…it’s the journey that matters, no? And now I’m striving to be an acknowledged pastry chef, but it seems that my plan has to be put on halt..at least until January next year.

So march forth and give all you have, and have faith that everything will turn out just they are supposed to be..even though you may have to go through several diversions along the way.

Your focaccia looks delicious!! I have to try making a sweet version too sometime soon…

Hang in there Fanny! I know what it feels like not knowing what you want out of life…trying to figure it out…getting pulled this way then that. With your passion and talent I’m sure you will go far and do wonderful whereever your choices lie!

The focaccia does look and sound amazing…and I’m sure it can put a smile on anyone’s face!

Fanny, I certainly understand your anxiety to know what lies ahead for you and when you add lack of sleep to it… dangerous for the mind. But I know that those who persevere will achieve their dreams and your dream is not unrealistic. You are doing all the right things now that will lead you to it. So don’t give up. You are so very talented…

ilaria said something sweet:
Friday 22 August 2008

I understand you completely! But don’t forget that you have a big advantage compared to lots of people: you are so talented! Not everyone is so lucky… whatever you’ll want to do, it will be a success…Good luck!!
xxx

Hi Fanny,
another time your post surprise me for its almost complete coincidence with my situation and feelings…I’m 23 years old,I’ve studied and graduated from IED in Turin (illustration course).I was enthusiastic about this job (and I am!), but after graduating I discovered how hard is this field to find first jobs and clients.
I was lucky to find a graphic studio that offered me a part time contract (but working there is often boring and totally different from drawing!).
All that I know about my mind is that I love to think,create (using my hands and NOT only cold computers) and after I’ve made a chance concerning my future,I spend a lot of time to think about other choices and opportunities…it’s a never-ending circle. I also love handcraft and pastry, often I tell my friends that my ideal day should be half drawing and half baking(2 part-time jobs).
I’m sure that there is a way to put togheter all your creativity and passion into a unique,new concept of job.
Last but not least,grat focaccia!

Hi Fanny,
First and foremost I have to say that your site fills me with joy on every visit. And I do visit rather often. Your honesty, creativity and talent most certainly shines through. So thank you for allowing us all a little insight into your world.

Secondly, I have a feeling that many of us go about our lives with a certain sense of uncertainty as to exactly which path we are wanting to direct our tired feet to walk down next. I’m a case-in-point myself, at 22 having merely the glimmer of a dream (opening my own specialty cafe) with no further experience than coffee making and waitressing to support it. But I do remain hopeful that if we allow ourselves the dream and have the courage to stand, looking face-first down that path, we will have the ability to walk it’s length, enjoying all the twists and turns on the way.

I hope you continue to believe in yourself and at the very least, in the possibilities of your dreams.

like so many people, I understand how you feel, not sure what you want to do. But I love your idea for a pastry shop/bookstore/cooking school, it’s brilliant. I’m sure you’d have quite a following from your blog alone.

That looks and sounds amazing, Fanny. I hope you get to accomplish your goals – but make sure you eat something along the way, darling!

Bonnie said something sweet:
Monday 25 August 2008

Fanny,

This looks absolutely beautiful. I don’t know what I would like me: to eat it or to look at it! You are certainly a talented photographer. Are you going to sell your photos as stationary or pictures? I would certainly like to buy one!

-Bonnie

Bonnie, thank you so much for letting me know that you’d be interested in buying prints of my pictures.
I’ve been setting this with a professional printer lately. xx

And I am a huge foodbeam fan, great ideas that take every recipe that bit further, refreshing it and adding a bit of zing. It sounds great, looks gorgeous, and baked so beautifully with such a delicate crust.
Best wishes from a very grey summer in London,
Dan

Hi, I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and have been devouring your posts one by one when I find the time. This one was particularly touching, as I just started a 2 year apprentissage in a pâtisserie in the very gray north of France. 2 years of waking up at 4am loom before me (2am on Sundays and holidays and let’s not even discuss Christmas), and there are so many other things I want to do as well, not to mention places I want to live! Thank you for sharing your experience, and keep your chin up! By the way, your photos are stunning! I’ll definately test your blueberry focaccia.

It’s thanks to you that I was able to even get close to a successful focaccia bread – your step by step directions were step by step were helpful and oh so lovely. Thanks for stopping by my blog – I’ve been a big fan of yours for a while!

Hi, I'm Fanny, the girl who writes foodbeam live from the French Riviera London.

I was born in 1985 and seem to love pâtisserie, acorns, milk chocolate, autumn, green tea, London, polaroids, and everything in between.

For years, I dreamt about becoming a pastry chef, and it's now actually happening; so grab yourself a cup of hot chocolate, and follow me through my adventures, from Pierre Hermé to Pascal Lac to the Capital Hotel, from Paris to Nice to London.