Every day. I can't stop. He's utterly broken and I'm a mess because under all the hate and anger I still love this bad man. I know he's bad and I have to stay away from him. It just hurts so much right now.

Finally, after 2 1/2 years, I feel sadness. There was a lot of anger and I'm finally mourning him. I feel so fragile. I was so tough for so long.

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013

newlysingle♀ 38735Member # 38735

Posted: 3:46 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but please know that this is normal. It's a normal stage of the grieving process. You've hit the acceptance stage. I went through this myself and it hit like a ton of bricks. I was so angry at him for so long and it fueled me to move forward and do what I needed to do. Then all of a sudden I stopped being so angry and I was just lost, devastated.

It was like a flood of emotions realizing that it was really over and that my life would never be the same. This happened about 3 months post Divorce when I thought I was pretty much done grieving. It completely took me by surprise. I moved through it though. I'm now pretty peaceful and content. I still have moments of anger and sadness, but my good days far outweigh the bad now.

Thank you for sharing, newlysingle. My eyes are all puffy! lol. I don't even want to go out for lunch today. I guess when people at work ask me what's wrong, I'll just tell them I going through a divorce. It's part of life and a lot of people go through it. Sometimes, I'm just brutally honest.

Me too, I thought I was so over him. But, after 13 years with this man, how could I really expect that. I remember our group therapy sessions, he with his and I with mine, and me telling them I can't cry. Well, now I can.

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 3:57 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

I know it doesn't seem like it, but those tears are a good thing. The numbness and shock keep them at bay for a while, and then one day, the dam breaks.

Lean into it, honey. Let it all be felt and processed so you can move through it. ((((liberty))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 38045 | Registered: Aug 2011

Softcentre39166Member # 39166

Posted: 4:12 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

Liberty - I think this is what I'm going through right now, too. I felt good, strong...thought I must have reached acceptance, then, well all this grief has hit me in the last week. 2 years out, I hope this is the bridge to acceptance, I really do. ((liberty))

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

Posts: 1629 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK

solus sto♀ 30989Member # 30989

Posted: 7:01 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

(((liberty))) I'm so sorry.

It gets better. It really does.

BS-me, 54; WH (Trac-fone), 55, PD---divorcing
So much for the past and present. The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you--Tennessee Williams

Posts: 14737 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest

jrzeegirl♀ 44261Member # 44261

Posted: 7:19 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

Oh my gosh Liberty! I could have written this post.
And it all happened today. I called the realtor to list the house, thinking she would come next week. But she is planning to come this Thursday and put the for sale sign out front. It hit me just like you at work, and my eyes too were all blotchy and red. And then once I composed myself in the bathroom I started crying again at my desk. I've been separated for 2 1/2 years! Why now? Plus I get to see Mr Wonderful Thursday because he has to sign as well. Of course the divorce papers are at the courthouse being prepared and will be served to him soon. Maybe with everything happening all at once it just got to me today. It hurts. It hurts real bad. But we will get through it. Let the sadness hit you. It is just another step in the grieving process.
((Libertyrocks))

Married 1994
DDay 9/18/10
Divorced January 14, 2016
DD 16
“You two deserve each other, and I deserve better” ~Me

Posts: 146 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Jersey

caregiver9000♀ 28622Member # 28622

Posted: 7:25 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

(((more hugs)))

I'm with Nik: Lean into it. Tamping it down or denying it makes it last longer I think. Stages of grief are relevant here and each one is a step closer to acceptance and the dull ache instead of the sharp pain.

This is scaring me. I cried solid for the first week or two. I didn't sleep, couldn't eat. I sill cry and still have problems sleeping ad eating but I thought I as getting better. I made it through my first birthday, my first anniversary, my father's death. I hate to think that I'm going to fall completely apart again.

I guess I'm lucky he has done something so despicable that I really can honestly say I don't love him, nor do I like him. When our divorce is final I hope to never see him again.

Posts: 533 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast

FaithFool♀ 20150Member # 20150

Posted: 8:36 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014

Totally normal stage in the process. It sucks, but it will eventually pass.

I was still having crying jags up until early last year.

T-I-M-E.

(((lr)))

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 19925 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada

betrayedpregnant♀ 43304Member # 43304

Posted: 4:44 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

(libertyrocks) it's okay to cry. We all have cried so many tears over these waywards. We're human, we have feelings, and those feelings have been hurt in the most painful way.

Posts: 358 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii

yestopants♀ 41631Member # 41631

Posted: 9:21 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

((libertyrocks)) you are still strong and the tears will only make stronger. I used to never cry now I do. It feels good to let it out and just feel.

Me: 37
2 amazing kids DS, DD

Posts: 288 | Registered: Dec 2013

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 9:28 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

How are you doing today, honey?

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 38045 | Registered: Aug 2011

sparkysable♀ 3703Member # 3703

Posted: 11:07 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

I didn't sleep for a straight year. I barely made it through each moment of each day. Society wants you to "get over it" and "move on" but the truth is, it takes a long time. I'm at 4 years past d-day and I am just starting to feel like a somewhat normal human being.

BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5194 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY

norabird♀ 42092Member # 42092

Posted: 12:47 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

((((liberty))))

It is so, so normal. I think you had started dating a bit, right? In a way, that was just suppressing all the sense of loss and sadness and mourning and grief. It just has to come out and you have to let it. Slowly you'll start crying less. Think of it as purging and be kind to yourself.

Having love for people who don't deserve it and have abused us is a pretty awful feeling, but it's because you are a kind and loving person. There is nothing wrong with you. Stay NC, and let your feelings run their course. There is nothing wrong with you.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC

LoveHerStill♂ 31504Member # 31504

Posted: 10:08 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014

As the above have said, it is totally normal. My IC confirmed it and said the intensity of your grieving process matches the intensity of your love for them.

I was a complete emotional jellyfish for about a year and a half, I mean if I ran out of milk I would cry! No joke! I laugh at it now, but it was real back then.

The next year was better, but I would have spells where I would start obcessing and crying until I found a way to stop obcessing.

Now, 4 years out, I still think about it almost every day, but the sharp pain is gone and mostly anger and sadness remain. Some days I feel truly happy and do experience genuine joy, something I thought I would never feel again.

It does unfortunately take a lot of time. Just grieve when you need to and you will move through it.

One thing I realized the other day is that I am healing, but XWW has not processed this yet and she has a long way to go. I know her well and I know she feels shame and guilt. I have also been told by a mutual friend that she does not trust OM and that she is embarrassed by him at times.

I am near the end of my healing, she has yet to begin.

Hang in there and know that we are all with you in spirit when you are crying, we get it and we really do wish the best for you.

It must be steps in healing like everyone here is saying.
I am going thru some emotions now too.
It is 4 1/2 years since DDay. But after r that didn't work, now I am ending it. So maybe that is why the process is so out of whack for me right now.

After this we should be emotional power houses. This will maybe harden us and make us stronger
(((( liberty rocks)))))))

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3268 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada

libertyrocks♀ 38924Member # 38924

Posted: 10:10 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014

Thank you everyone. I'm doing better today. A little jaded but doing better, thanks. Our IC's commented how strange it was that I supressed my pain. Well, here it is, coming out now. After all this time.

Yes, I did date for a few months. Now, I want nothing to do with dating. I'm not in a healthy emotional place. It did more damage than good and kept me occupied from facing these harsh feelings of grief. It's time to face the music.

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013

FaithFool♀ 20150Member # 20150

Posted: 11:56 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014

I was a complete emotional jellyfish for about a year and a half, I mean if I ran out of milk I would cry!

After my third move in two years, I remember weeping on the phone to the only man in my life at the time, my contractor (also a family friend who was close to my just-deceased mom) that I couldn't find my cheese grater.

I wanted to make a fucking omelette and couldn't find the damn thing in my sea of boxes.

I just stood in the kitchen and sobbed uncontrollably.

Sometimes you just have to hit the wall.

It gets better.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire