DirtyGirl on Quizmaster

Johnny: And now it's time for the gameshow that everybody can learn but few can master...it's QUIZZZZZZZZZMASTER! And here is your host, Jester MacIsaac!

Jester: Thanks Johnny! Hello everyone, welcome to another edition of Quizmaster. I know you're all ready to test your knowledge along with the guests of our show. Let's get right to business and meet our first contestant, DirtyGirl!

Jester: Ooh, looks like you're off to a rough start on Quizmaster, DirtyGirl. The correct response was not "Cheri" but "Elizabeth Jane Cochran, better known to the world as... Nellie Bly."

RINGING CHIMES

Jester: Uh-oh, there's our Lucky Second Chance warning! Do you know what that means DirtyGirl?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) I'M PLAYING WITH MYSELF, THINKING OF YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Jester: Uh, no, that's not what it means. It means that you have a second chance to win money at this question. If you answer another question related to the topic of Nellie Bly, you win back the dollar amount of your original question, plus an extra $500. But, if you answer incorrectly, you are penalized $500. Do you wish to go for the Lucky Second Chance?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) SUCH A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. SIT ON A HAPPY FACE.

Jester: Uh, was that a yes or a no?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) YES? ARE YOU THAT EASY?

Jester: Yes, she'll go for it! You're a brave contestant DirtyGirl, but I don't know if you'll find the question that easy. For your $100, and an additional $500, here is the question:

"As we've said, Nellie Bly beat Jules Verne's fictional record for around the world travel by eight days. How many days did her trip take her?"

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) I'M GETTING NAKED RIGHT NOW FOR YOU. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE LOVE?

(BUZZER)

Jester: Sorry DirtyGirl, I can't accept that answer. The correct answer was "Seventy-two days." To be specific, it took 72 days, 6 hours, 11 minutes, beating out Phileas Fogg, the hero of Jules Verne's classic Around the World in 80 Days. Perhaps if you'd remember the title of the book, you could have got the answer.

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) IT'S SO HARD! I LOVE A MAN LIKE THAT!

Jester: Yep, I'm afraid the questions are hard sometimes, but that's what makes it all the more fun. Nonetheless, I'm afraid will have to deduct $500 for your score, leaving you at -$700.

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) SUCH A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. SIT ON A HAPPY FACE.

Jester: That's right, put on a happy face, because it's time for round two, where the big money is to be made! Dollar amounts are doubled, so dig yourself out of that hole DirtyGirl, and choose a new category.

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?

Jester: Aha! You've decided to take the Quizmaster's Challenge! As you folks at home know, that means that I personally get to pick three categories and ask you a question from each one. It's risky, but there's a big payoff if you give me three correct responses. What's the payoff today, Johnny?

Johnny: An 1999 Acura NL! The new Acura NL has "more than 300 modifications that yield significant improvements in handling, performance, ride quality, styling, passenger safety, comfort and value." Includes both driver and front passenger air bags. Acura, the new look of flagship luxury and performance!

Jester: Hmm, a new Acura! How would you feel about winning one of those?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) I WANT YOU. I NEED YOU. TELL ME HOW YOU WILL TAKE ME.

Jester: I see we've got a kidder on our hands, folks! I'll bet you want me for me questions so you can take home that car! The categories I pick are "Linguistics," "Film," and "Literature." Give me the correct answer, and you drive home in a brand new Acura. Are you ready, DirtyGirl?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) IF WE START MASTURBATING RIGHT NOW, WE MAY GET OFF BEFORE THEY LOG US OFF

Jester: That's right, this quiz is timed, so be sure to respond before the buzzer. After my first question, you will have 30 second to answer all three questions. You may say "pass" to go on to the next question and leave the previous one for later. May I have thirty seconds on the clock?

(THIRTY SECONDS APPEAR ON THE SCREEN)

Jester: My first question, in the category of "Linguistics," is:

In French, what factor determines what verbs will be used to refer to people and even inanimate objects?

Jester: "French Kiss," Correct! Final question! The category is literature:

In "Nadsat," the language invented by Anthony Burgess for the novel "A Clockwork Orange," what is the term for sexual intercourse?

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) I LIKE TO EAT OUT. AND IN-AND-OUT.

Jester: Ummm...Judges, will we accept that?

(Pause)

(DING DING DING!)

Jester: Close enough, say are judges! The term was "the ol' In-out" as Alex, the young hooligan of A Clockwork Orange liked to say, but however you pronounce it, it all means the same thing: YOU ARE THE WINNER OF A BRAND NEW CAR! DirtyGirl, how do you feel about that?

Jester: Yes, DirtyGirl's sure excited about her new car! Well that's all the time we have tonight folks! Be sure to join us again next week for another gripping session of the game that everybody can learn but few can master, Quizzzzzzzzzzmaster! Good night!

DirtyGirl: PLEASE GO ON (type 'q' to quit) I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME TILL I CAN'T WALK STRAIGHT

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