"This isn't a salad. You said you where making a salad. This is a bloody mary."

"ah! Yes, almost forgot!" Tony dropped a celery talk into the glass. "There, now it's a salad."

Meanwhile at the All-Marvel cook-off potluck, Steve fumes that no one wants to try Irish beef stew ("WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EAT STEW ANYMORE? WHY IS THERE GARLIC AND CILANTRO IN EVERYTHING?!"), Peter Parker just put out a cheese plate of unwrapped Baby-Bels, and everyone is going for seconds of Thor's whole roast suckling pig. ( he didn't know there was a competition, that's was just his lunch for the day).posted by The Whelk at 1:32 PM on February 15, 2014 [9 favorites]

Wow, Paradise Pop, you can just hear the overly earnest hippy-esque mom trying to sell the kids on fruit juice cut with seltzer. "Look! Wonder Woman likes it!"posted by The Whelk at 1:42 PM on February 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Me too, but I am a little saddened by Wonder Woman's frankly dubious claim that fruit juice contains no sugar. If even she is a shill for Big Orange I will have finally lost all faith in superhumanity.posted by howfar at 2:31 PM on February 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

She's used to actual Paradise Pop, which is sweetened with ambrosia, which has no sugar - only immortality. Trying to translate it into something you could make at home is going to cause some confusion.posted by The Whelk at 2:37 PM on February 15, 2014 [3 favorites]

Being a superhero who still has to eat his pizza in secret is the perfect illustration of Green Arrow's struggle.posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:58 PM on February 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

I can see the DC version being like the Cookie Monster skit where he pitches healthy alternatives, Youtube commenters blame it on Michelle Obama and nanny liberalism, who are then told it's actually from the '80s.

If you're making hamburgers and you really need the recipe to tell you not to add the buns to the bowl where you're mixing the meat, cooking may not be for you.posted by dr_dank at 3:04 PM on February 15, 2014 [4 favorites]

Clint Barton makes a plate of kebabs. The Skewers are little arrows. No one notices or comments on this. Something inside him dies.posted by The Whelk at 3:05 PM on February 15, 2014 [4 favorites]

Also everyone is secretly upset that Steven Stranger didn't make some otherworldly magical recipe from beyond the veil of reality. He just made pad thai.posted by The Whelk at 3:07 PM on February 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

I wouldn't be surprised if this has actually been addressed in the comics, but does Wolverine's healing factor allow him to eat chicken that's been sitting out on the counter all day?posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 3:08 PM on February 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't Namor be like a kale salad or something? Aren't fish his subjects? Would this be like "Prince Williams top uses for roast peasant?"posted by The Whelk at 3:13 PM on February 15, 2014

Like most 70s Marvel tie-in books, the only X-Man who appears at all is Angel. The X-Men were such poor sellers that Marvel avoided promoting them at all until the new X-Men line-up in Giant Size X-Men (Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus, etc.) brought new life to the franchise.posted by ten pounds of inedita at 3:19 PM on February 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

It's too bad the DC cookbook doesn't warn you about the dangers of cooking large amounts of pastries when Lex Luthor is around.

The DC Super Heroes Super Healthy Cookbook was my very first, at age six. It now sits among a collection of hundreds; it definitely had a hand in what became a career in health foods. My family made a good deal of the recipes, and this post is missing the absolute best, the one that's still being made among us (and it's a great way to use up overripe bananas): Batman's Invisible Banana French Toast. Images here: recipe, facing page, and my chatty post of it on my former food blog here.posted by jocelmeow at 4:33 PM on February 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

And previously on Metafilter, James Rolfe of Angry Video Game Nerd infamy and friends try all of Michelangelo's pizza toppings from the 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. (Sadly, the actual video is gone.)

At 10:42, Alfred receives a text from one of Master Bruce's obfuscated numbers: h50 2840+K,\ox run674r.ClyF5, please. Bruce will be home in fifty minutes, at which time he'll want a meal comprising 2,840 calories, with an emphasis on potassium and antioxidants.

Bruce acquired the autodidactic equivalent of a doctorate in dietary science during his wandering years, and he holds evidence-based opinions on ratios, terroir, gut flora, gluten. But though he dictates broad strictures, calendars, whitelists, and daily caloric requirements, he leaves it to Alfred to actually pick the menus and prep the food.

Alfred may summon nearly any ingredient from the Manor's thrice-weekly grocery consignment, which pulls from a world-wide network of Wayne-owned organic farms, ranches, dairies, and forage grounds. Too, he may draw cold clear water from the Manor aquifer, and pluck new heirloom carrots from the hydroponic hothouse in the Batcave.

At 11:32, Bruce enters the Manor dining room still in costume, mudded, bruised, and bloody. Waiting on the table are:

Meanwhile, Alfred reclines on the sofa is in his suite in the servant wing, eating Häagen-Dazs and brownies, polishing off a 15-year-old Armagnac, while he watches the Jean Arthur marathon on TCM.posted by Iridic at 4:59 PM on February 15, 2014 [14 favorites]

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