I’m sitting here in the doctor’s office waiting room and thinking about the “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” song controversy. I’ve always had mixed feelings about the song itself. But in light of everything that’s happened since the #MeToo movement galvanized the public consciousness, there’s no denying the song’s deeper, lecherous undertones. To put it mildly: It’s dangerous.

We’ve all heard the winter ditty, which was written in 1944 by Frank Loesser as a duet that he and his wife Lynn Garland performed at parties. The song went on to win the 1949 Academy Award for Best Original Song for Neptune’s Daughter and has since been recorded by the likes of Barry Manilow, Bette Midler, Robert Palmer, Zooey Deschanel, Rod Stewart and Meghan Trainor.

It’s not without its detractors, though, despite the song’s endurance and longevity. This year, some radio stations banned the song following complaints from listeners. Still, Loesser’s daughter Susan Loesser maintains that her father didn’t have any malicious intent with the song.

Yet in 2018…? Things just aren’t that simple.

On the surface, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” just looks like a fun, harmless song. It’s full of flirty banter — banter that tries to play itself off as a coy cat-and-mouse chase. Oh, look at this cute couple! How romantic that the man wants the woman to stay! The woman is trying to resist, but gosh darn it, the guy is just so charming and she wants to say “yes“!! He’s making his case and doing everything he can to get her to stay just a little longer — warm fireplace, no cabs in sight, all that treacherous snow out there! It’s just too dangerous! This guy is shameless!

But, just like those dangerous men (coincidence? I think not…), looks can be deceiving. Very deceiving, if you will. Our little jaunt eventually leads us to lines like this: “Say what’s in this drink?”

DANGER, DANGER.

Let’s just be real for one second and get to the root of the problem. People objecting to “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (and rightfully so) is only a symptom. It’s not the cause. Instead of being mad at people who object to the song, maybe we should be mad at men for ruining our ability to enjoy a Christmas bop. Maybe we should be mad at their entitled behavior. Maybe we should be mad at their failure to understand what the word “no” means. It’s the whole displacing blame that I have no time for! It’s akin to victim-blaming. It’s men who have done these horrible things. Time to place blame where it’s deserved.

And also, maybe we should also stop shaming ADULT women for wanting to enjoy themselves. In the forties, a woman who decided to stay would be slut-shamed, even though she’s an adult and capable of making her own choices. Yet she’s worried about how people would perceive her — her sister, father, brother, the neighbors, I’m sure. IF this man wasn’t a lecherous creep and she genuinely wanted to stay longer, my gosh, let the woman enjoy herself without all the side-eye judgment!

As Emily Crockett wrote for Vox, the dangerous undertones can’t be ignored, especially in a climate where men seem to feed off the power of chasing a woman (and not in a good way)…

The “rapey” reading, on the other hand, finds the events of the song troubling given our modern understanding of how sexual consent and sexual assault work. Regardless of what Loesser intended, it’s a lousy model for romance that normalizes sexual coercion and date rape.

The “rapey” reading allows for the possibility that the woman really does want to go — and if that’s the case, it becomes much more obvious why the man’s behavior is a problem. Sure, maybe she’ll end up staying because the man won’t stop bothering her and it seems easier to just give in at a certain point. But just because she gives in doesn’t mean she really wanted it, or that she’ll feel good about it afterward. And whether or not she enjoys herself, and whether or not she feels violated or ashamed afterward, the ends of how she feels about it later still don’t justify the means of how he got her to stay.

Decision time, friends: Where do you stand when it comes to the “Baby It’s Cold Outside” song controversy? Is it romantic or rapey? Flirty or fearful? Innocent or icky? Let’s chat about it… xoxo

Happy Monday, friends!! Winter is a-coming and it’s SO cold outside, so I decided to hibernate at home today! I hope you’re having a good week so far! This Wednesday is a very big day for my blog and the excitement hasn’t fully sunk in yet. So what am I doing? Overanalyzing about why. Typical me, right? But anyway, today’s motivational quotes are inspired by none other than Freddie Mercury! Ever since we went to see Bohemian Rhapsody last week, I’ve been listening to Queen, singing their songs around the house and watching countless clips on YouTube. I’ve always been a fan, but the movie gave me a new appreciation for the band, especially when it comes to the power of music. Music is the ultimate form of self-expression. It transcends every language and can pierce your heart with just one note. On that note (see what I did there??), here are five quotes all about the love of music…

The world may be imploding, but there is one bright spot of shining star proportions in the form of Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s exactly the cinematic/musical mash-up we need to soothe our weary hearts and souls, and let me tell you: I’m beyond excited!

The film, which opens in theaters TODAY, chronicles Queen on their epic journey to becoming one of the greatest rock bands of all time, culminating with their historic performance at Live Aid in 1985. Have you watched the trailer? I can’t get over how convincing actor Rami Malek is as lead singer Freddie Mercury.

Plus, I’m especially looking forward to seeing this in the theater for the ultimate surround-sound experience. The band’s catalog of music is the stuff I grew up listening to, so to see those songs come to life on the big screen. “We Will Rock You” and “We Are The Champions” at full decibels? Yes, please! As one Mashable review said: “This is a movie to be felt as much as heard.”

And, with foreshadowing lyrics like these from “Bohemian Rhapsody,” you can’t deny that Freddie Mercury accurately predicted 2018…

Is this the real life?Is this just fantasy?Caught in a landslideNo escape from reality

Are you as ecstatic as I am about Bohemian Rhapsody, friends? Will you be seeing it on the big screen? Pop corn and soda in hand, of course… xoxo

It’s perhaps one of the most recognizable hooks in music history. You know, the stuff of legends. And it belongs to none other than Britney Spears!

Oh baby, babyOh baby, baby

Ahh, yes, the opening chords of “…Baby One More Time,” the classic late ’90s bubblegum bop that totally transfixed a generation — my generation, in case you were wondering. We were a group of teenage Millennials anticipating Y2K and running to Walmart to stock up on butterfly clips and fruit-flavored lip gloss, and then, our whole world changed the minute we saw Britney dancing through those high school halls (fun fact: The music video was shot at Venice High School, the same Los Angeles high school that the Grease gang called home!).

Indeed, it’s a VERY big day for Britney Spears fans, with this pop gem being unleashed on the world on October 23, 1998. And, indeed, the world has never been the same. This will make me sound very old, but in my day, we didn’t have many young performers to look up to. We had Mariah and Whitney, but they were well into their 20s during the height of their fame. But here was Britney Spears at just 16, a young girl who was just like us. Yes, despite the fact that she was a former Mouseketeer. Yes, despite the fact that her career was about to skyrocket right out of the stratosphere. She. Was. Your. Typical. Teenager.

Perhaps that’s why her debut single was a smash and is still so iconic in 2018. She was singing about what teens actually go through, and she was incredibly relatable in a way that made us all say, “Hey, I could see myself hanging out with Britney!”

In 1998, I was a mere 17-year-old wide-eyed, overly innocent teenager. I wonder what I was doing on this day 20 years ago. I would have been a junior in high school, so if memory serves, I was probably sitting in my journalism class and obsessing over Brown-Eyed Editor. Ooooh, those were certainly the good old days. A time of simple innocence, which is what so many of those early Britney tunes represent for me. They were my companion on long car trips and hospital stays. And in a truly meta moment, I’m pretty sure I was listening to a Britney tune when I made my parents drive through her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana. I may even have screamed when I saw the huge mansion she built for her mother — it was one of the highlights of my young life, I tell you!

I still listen to those catchy tunes with a huge dose of nostalgia, and I can usually be found singing along — because, hello, I know ALL THE WORDS. In fact, I’m listening to “…Baby One More Time” right now and smiling. And, yes, I still know all the words! Thank you, Britney Spears. You’re one of the rare forever icons… xoxo

I’ve been a hugefan of Taylor Swift since her Fearless days. And while I do consider myself a dedicated “Swiftie,” there’s one thing I’ve never been a fan of: Her virtual silence when it came to politics.

Swift ended her silent streak over the weekend to come out and voice her support for Democratic candidates in her home state of Tennessee. Taking to Instagram, she penned a post on racism, sexism and LGBTQ rights.

“I always have and always will cast my vote based on which candidate will protect and fight for the human rights I believe we all deserve in this country,” she wrote. “I believe in the fight for LGBTQ rights, and that any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender is WRONG. I believe that the systemic racism we still see in this country towards people of color is terrifying, sickening and prevalent.”

While I applaud Taylor Swift for encouraging everyone to make their voice heard by registering to vote and heading to the polls in November, the world has been in a tailspin long before now. Where was Swift during the 2016 election? Where was her voice during the Muslim travel ban or the transgender ban in the military? Where was her support for families separated at the border?

Swift has a history of using her star power and platform for good. She’s lent her support — and money — to such causes as childhood cancer and arts education. So to see her remain silent for years when it came to anything political is disappointing. For a celebrity who has essentially built a career out of being honest and, literally, fearless, she’s amassed a powerful empire. Whether you like her music or not, she’s considered the voice of a generation, and at a time when many of her fans are just approaching voting age, we can’t discount her influence on them.

The music industry has a long and storied history with political activism. Musicians have always found a way to influence both culture and politics, from Farm Aid to the Dixie Chicks to Kanye West’s most recent rant on SNL. Maybe Swift was worried about her more conservative fans, but surely, she could see the greater good in speaking up and bringing important issues to the forefront. She may be a skilled businesswoman, but she’s first and foremost an American with a civic duty; the latter should take precedence.

Some say that you shouldn’t openly discuss politics — that it’s something so personal that we should keep it to ourselves. But lives hang in the balance under the current administration, so now is not the time to be silent. Because this is about so much more than politics and about so much more than red vs. blue, Democrats vs. Republicans. It’s about humanity and the future. In 2018, the personal is political and the political is personal; there’s no way of separating the two. Too much is at stake.

We’re all sitting around waiting for someone else to speak up, waiting for someone else to fight, someone else to lead the revolution. Taylor Swift has the means and influence to be leading that revolution. It’s a shame she isn’t. She would do well to take her cue from other celebrities who have spoken out, including the likes of Alyssa Milano and Katy Perry.

Swift’s Instagram post has already made a difference, causing a surge in voter registration, especially among the 18-to-29 age group. Imagine the positive influence she could have had if she spoke out before the 2016 election. To be sure, I’m not knocking Swift’s efforts, which are obviously working, but I’ve seen people on social media proclaim that she’s going to save us all with this one act. She’s not. Because there have been people fighting and advocating for years. So while Taylor Swift does deserve credit, let’s not forget that her voice and power is coming pretty late to the game.

So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...