Greetings and a good evening to all you fellow denizens of earth. Actually it’s probably the early hours of the morning for most of you but it’s evening here in Key West and I’ve just finished work on my first full day all by myself on the frontline (AKA sat in the office, but the wartime analogy makes my work seem more courageous). What follows is more or less an omnibus post for my activities over the last week and a bit whilst I have been too busy to post. I’ve only had one day off, and I spent most of that watching Warren Beatty’s 3 hour 10 minute 1981 historical epic ‘Reds’ about the Communist journalist John Reed who observed the Russian October Revolution made all the more remarkable considering it was an American film about an American Communist made and released at the height of the Cold War. Well worth a watch by the way. So here are some things with I’ve done/thought/experienced.

Thing the 1st

I have discovered a delightful little place called Kermit’s Key Lime shop (Key Limes and Key Lime Pie being a local treat) where I can get some lime flavoured iced tea, sit in the shade next to fishy pond and drink tea and read my book, all of which makes one feel very zen, cool and sophisticated indeed. I’m going there tomorrow. Oh, and speaking of my book, I’ve very nearly finished it and will be reviewing it on this site as soon as I’m done. Behold the fishy pond.

fishyfishyfishyfishy FISHY POND

Thing the 2nd

Whilst dodging the rain I explored Duval Street, which is the main tourist hotspot in Key West. Lots of expensive shops selling beautiful things, and equally as many equally as expensive shops selling utterly shite plastic touristy dreck. During this process I consumed about 5 coffees, since the intermittent heavy rain kept on forcing me to dive into the nearest café. How I suffer!

Thing the 3rd

The Thick of It is back for what seems tragically likely to be its last series and, after a slightly disappointing first episode of the series, the second episode was back to its sweary best. Why? The return of Malcom Tucker of course. Here are some of my favourite Malcomisms of the episode.

Ben on Nicola: “The leader of the opposition is in that room practising walking. Baby horses can walk from the womb. She’s one-nil down to a pony. Malcolm: A pony isn’t a baby horse. It’s a foal. A fucking foal is a baby horse.”

Malcolm to Nicola: “Don’t send Ben to the backbenches. He’ll just wank and eat Pringles. Leather seats are just an invitation to men like him”

Malcolm to Nicola: “You gotta go hacking through the opposition with a belt full of hands and a necklace full of ears. Can you do that? Can you wear a necklace made of ears?”

Malcolm on Nicola: “We’re out in the middle of the ocean with our own Ellen MacArthur crying and sobbing. Enough. Over the side she goes. She’s going to sleep with the fishes – or at least witter at them until they lose the fucking will to live.”

Malcolm on Nicola, again: “She’s going to kick her own head in, which will be easy because she does yoga.”

Malcolm on Star Wars: “The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He’s got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin. His father’s a robot and he’s fucking fucked his sister. Lego. They’re all made of fucking lego.”

God I love Armando Iannucci.

Thing the 4th

I shared a nearly empty bus approaching midnight with a friendly drug dealer. I sweet-talked him into not mugging me! Hurrah! Jose, as he was called, was obsessed by my accent. He kept repeating cheerio in the wrong context but he was having so much fun I thought it would be cruel (and unwise) to point it out.

Thing the 5th

Work is very well and truly picking up. I’m enjoying it mind. That’s about all I have to say here without breaking confidentiality. Ho hum.

Thing the 6th

Fantasy Fest, the biggest event of the year here in Key West, is coming up in about a month. How to describe Fantasy Fest… a video I think. This is from the tourist board so I suppose this was probably the only footage from the entire week long party which was not rendered unusable from the proliferation of boobs.

This year’s theme is ‘A-conch-alypse’. Groan.

Thing the 7th

THERE ARE LOTS OF SCARY INSECTS. BLACK WASPS!!!

Thing the 8th

To all those who’ve sent letters or cards to me (you know who you are!), you’re the best. Thank you so much they brighten my day on a regular basis. If anyone else wants to send me something the address is 1624D Spalding Court, Key West, FL 33040, USA.