Politics is not a bad affair at all though most people despise it. I too used to keep myself away from such a state of affairs until recently. Not only this I often used to read political leaders through newspapers and other periodicals but had no curiosity to watch them on television. However things have been changing over time. I keep a close watch over what is happening around the humankind. It is like as if I am awakening from a deep slumber to know what is happening around me. I remember my childhood days when crackdown and prowling houses by Indian army was a common concern. I even remember how troops used to raid my house and persecute my sole uncle with severe interrogations because his son had crossed the Pakistan border.

I still could not forget the day when I (being a 6th class student) was beaten heavily by an army Major ( Who then used to call himself as Major Saleem) in front of a huge gathering of local villagers because I joined them a bit late after announcement of crack down. The tragedy was that along with me, he beat a young man for a similar cause even though he was told by the then Chokidar that the man was a cancer patient. However off late, I realized that I belong to a nation where I lack both my identity as well as individuality. Until 2008, I used to treat myself as Kashmiri. When I joined as KPO-Associate for Syntel Company Ltd. at Pune in 2008, some of my fellow colleagues there used to call me as Pakistani though some would like to name me as an Indian only. Some were even interested to hear about whether I belong to a Kashmir or an Azad Kashmir.

All these things baffled me and my mind. Text books that I used to study during my school days illustrate that Kashmir was one of the states of India and no wonder that these books still narrate same stories. They did not tell us that we owe a nation that is illegitimately controlled by so called largest democratic country of the world. Though I could not witness 2008 unrest in my valley but the protests and the slogans of Azadi still ring in my ears as I used to watch them over television or YouTube. With the passage of time my perception of Kashmir being an Indian domicile changed to the extent that I feel disgusted that we have been ruled by a country that set our homes on flames and beat us to death and that rewards its soldiers for killings with money, clout and commendation.A country that never look into its mistakes nor do it own up its outrageous actions.

The biggest tragedy is that its people including the Muslim communities are no more interested to notice our hue and cry. I remember, Soon after Mumbai attack, how a Muslim landlord of our rented flat at pune knocked the door at early morning and told us (me and my friend) to leave his apartment. When enquired why he want us to do that, he replied that ‘I can’t afford to keep my flat worth crores of rupees into risk by accommodating Kashmirs here’. No wonder that there other lots of landlords who wish to keep their apartments unoccupied instead of renting out them to Kashmiris.

If I am not mistaken Muslim communities in India not surprisingly often perceive us as anti nationals. The two-faced media of this country is not an exception. They never supported our cause rather they brushed the atrocities of their government under the carpet. The realities of our valley always remain shrouded. We had reasons to live but we see ourselves as we never lived. We are suffering from the dreadful stress and strain. It is impossible to exactly number the victims who had been in a pool of blood. We want peace with dignity. We want to see our people to work freely in any part of the world and business transactions to be carried out without any stumbling blockade.

How can we claim that we belong to a country that robs the beloved sons from our mothers. My hearts busts when I see people shouldering their naive teenagers to graveyard. Directly or indirectly each one of us has been pushed in the misty lane of justice. When people move around in their locality/city, they have no choice but to face daily humiliation, screening their ID cards to alien soldiers. The disgraceful acts on our land illustrate us time and again the true colors of so called democratic nation. What is disgusting is that the troops are seen as the solution rather than a problem for us. How long this country would continue to suppress us by illegal use of force or putting us into the jails or interrogation centers etc. under draconian laws. We are in a grip of utter trauma living a miserable life and there is no one to hear our anguished cry. A country that has no emotions, that raped, battered and molested our daughters and even turned our women to half widows.

I wonder how Indian Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde could remember 2001 attack, but forget recent catastrophe in Kashmir when hundreds of innocents were brutally killed on the streets. I could not believe how Shinde remember Guru but forget Modi who was responsible for the death of thousands of Muslims. Did he forget tens of thousands of Kashmiris whose whereabouts are still not known? I don’t know how long this country is determined to keep its hold on us and dictate our civil administration. What is most disgusting is that the international community has largely remained mum on the plight of Kashmiris.

The international media has continuously failed to report the repressions in bleeding valley. Indian authorities are not willing to talk with Kashmiri people either on political grounds. It has imposed a repress order on the media in Kashmir by only letting pro-Indian journalists to report. It seems that New Delhi is of the opinion that only bullet and pellet is the precise way of dealing with innocent Kashmiris. I used to hear from my grandmother (RIP) that Kashmir was a land of Rishis and Sufis but unfortunately this land has turned into those of butchers, exterminators and dictators.

The children of conflict have become the cheap sufferers of the day to day riots. Major chunk of youth who take to the lanes and streets are the children who don’t carry missiles yet they continue to claim repression and despotism at Indian hands.

I too cannot afford to be a silent spectator to watch my fellow citizens being assassinated and executed. I categorically strive to make people of India aware about the vicious actions of their political class in Kashmir. I am not a terrorist in the sense yet I may be a terrorist according to their constitutional laws because I am exposing their sheer truth wherever I travel to. I did not aspire to be a rebel yet foreseeing myself as one to revenge from this country offer me a big sigh of relief. I have been in India since last four years for my higher education yet I never felt myself to be the inhabitant of this country. I by no means acknowledge their policies either nor do I share their happiness.

These things do not reflect my emotions rather I speak them out of my heart. My curiosity of what is happening around me has exposed the ugly face of Indian politics. Why did not they hang me out when I spread their fecal and filthy stories to the world? Yes I have enough guts to call a spade a spade. If the cycle of tyranny, rebellion and bloodshed continues in Kashmir and if India is not of interest to blend our sentiments with reality then it should bear in mind that what happened to the Soviet Union after it occupied Afghanistan can also happen to them.

Author is currently persuing Ph.D in department of commerce, School of Management Pondicherry Central Uiversity. For feedback he can be mailed at [email protected]