The First Montauk Monster Received a Viking Funeral

In a story that gets stranger and stranger, the truth about the first Montauk Monster has finally been revealed.

It was a dead raccoon.

A man has told the blogger Drew Grant that he and his friends were walking on the beach when they came across the animal. They took photographs, and they put the raccoon an inflatable raft, set it on fire, and pushed it out into the waves. In the US culture, this is called a Viking funeral, for it is believed that the Norse disposed of their dead in this way. However, I don’t think they used ships to do ceremonial cremations. They did bury people in ships.

Of course, the man was with his young friends, and they were doing the young male thing on the beach.

“In the interest of full disclosure…this did happen shortly after a waterboarding endurance competition, and just before a clothespins-on-your-genitals challenge.”

I think that says it all.

Two weeks later, the raccoon washed up on the beach, and a media sensation was born. After having its fur singed off from the “Viking funeral” and rotting in the ocean for two weeks, the disgusting animal washed ashore, looking very little like the raccoon that it once was.