"This is only the beginning of the reckoning. This is only the first sip, the first foretaste of a bitter cup which will be proffered to us year by year unless, by a supreme recovery of moral health and martial vigour, we arise again and take our stand for freedom as in the olden time."

My food TV masturbation is pretty much limited to Man vs. Food because I just know that if I engaged in any of those eating challenges I'd end up hating myself so much that eating so much crap in such vast quantities would be the only way I could avoid killing myself.

If I want to watch a proper food show, it has to be anything by Keith Floyd. He is literally the reason I started taking cooking seriously and stopped buying any ready made meals.

I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.

Fun Shoe

How in the gently caress did you not even mention The Great British Bake Off I the OP?!? Seriously I don't even begin to know what the gently caress the British are thinking in terms of baking weird poo poo because Jaffa Cakes are abomination. Hell, chocolate + orange is an abomination.

The Great British Bake Off is the best show on TV
The Great Australian Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great Irish Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great South African Bake Off is pretty good.
The Great American Baking Competition is surprisingly good even though I thought it'd suck but it's dead.
America's Test Kitchen is great
Almost everything on The Food Network is utter garbage.

I like to yell at the kids on chopped junior. They're always doing some stupid poo poo and the judges are too nice to call them out on it. I make sure I criticize them in front of my own kids, so my kids know not to do that poo poo.

My plan for the weekend is to get some prosciutto, buy decent aged/funky cheese at the recommendation of the cheesemonger, bring out a big boozy stout, and just marathon all of this season in an overdrawn pile of hedonism.

Andrew Couillion made these oysters after the Erika oil spill near France. It's an oyster in squid ink. The show doesn't give a lot of information about it so if I were to make one, how would I prepare the squid ink? What topping do you think he's using?

Annabel Langbein: The Free Range Cook. She's kind of a weirdo but cooks some interesting stuff, and she's milfy.

Joanne Weir's Cooking Confidence. Good basic recipes, which makes sense as she's teaching someone how to cook on each episode. She does all kinds of creepy poo poo while she's cougaring on the younger male students.

Pati's Mexican Table. YOU SEE I AM PATI AND I HAVE AN ACCENT AND MAKE THE FOOD OF MY PEOPLE.
Mexico -- One Plate at a Time with Rick Bayless. Another eccentric host. Blend up some guajillos and add some cilantro every drat episode. I can only take so much of this guy. Very weird relationship with his daughter.

Christina Cooks. She's like a psycho vegan Peg Bundy.

The Jazzy Vegetarian. Also a loving nutbag 60 year old vegetarian gilf.

Simply Ming. Good stuff to pick up Asian recipes from.

Chef's Life. This isn't even a cooking show, it's more like a dumb reality show. But I can't decide if I like Vivian or not so I watch it.

Ciao Italia. The Wal-mart of Italian grandmas.

Barbecue University With Steven Raichlen. Watch this show. If you like. Monotone delivery. And barbecue. Enjoy.

Primal Grill with Steven Raichlen. How the gently caress did this guy get two shows. Also you're cooking at night why are you wearing sunglasses.

Anything with Jacques Pepin. Except the shows with this dumbshit daughter that couldn't make a grille cheese sandwich by herself. But it's kind of fun to watch her ask stupid questions.

His daughter purposely plays the stupid student role on TV. I got to meet them both (AWESOMMMMEE) at a media thing and she's not nearrrly as annoying in person as she is on the show. They have Thanksgiving at her house every year and she cooks and is normal. Her cookbook is pretty solid too, even if it's meant for kids. I was shocked how not annoyed I was with her in person because I can't stand her on the show. It was weird.

Why? Other than way too little cayenne and the fact that he crowded his chicken, that was a pretty legit method. He's also skimpy on the hot chili oil.

Yeah, that's pretty much all I'd change. I think Prince's is 3:1 cayenne to lard as a paste that's rubbed in. Last time I made some to try it (before my gallblader tried to whack me) was lard, cayenne, garlic salt, onion powder, and mustard powder. It was tasty but cripplingly hot in a very good way.

Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at Sep 25, 2016 around 11:47

I refuse to believe she's a real person. Everything about her seems so manufactured. Like, even more than those Food Network reality TV star people who get their own show that are all exactly the same format, just themed around something stupid. Five ingredients! Sandwiches! Something else and don't forget the cocktails!!!

What is wrong with this guy? I like his recipes but his delivery is the worst.

I was watching his video.
The one on hot chicken.
And I couldn't get past his cadence.
And I found it rather distracting.
He kept doing it.
And it was very bothersome.
But his recipe looked mostly correct.

What is wrong with this guy? I like his recipes but his delivery is the worst.

What in the Jesus GODDAMNED Christ, is wrong with this GUY'S voice, that he thinks that TALKING like that, is going to be an EFFECTIVE delivery, of what is BASICALLY a, pretty GOOD recipe?

Goddamn it's like when Alton Brown does the Alton Brown voice and it just kills all my ladyboners for him.

Side note goddamn I love The Great British Bake Off and I cannot believe that Love Productions is being so monumentally stupid to lose three of the 3.5 things that make the show worth watching. If you're not all watching the current season you can use the Beebs Chrome extension to watch it on the BBC iPlayer.

What in the Jesus GODDAMNED Christ, is wrong with this GUY'S voice, that he thinks that TALKING like that, is going to be an EFFECTIVE delivery, of what is BASICALLY a, pretty GOOD recipe?

Goddamn it's like when Alton Brown does the Alton Brown voice and it just kills all my ladyboners for him.

Side note goddamn I love The Great British Bake Off and I cannot believe that Love Productions is being so monumentally stupid to lose three of the 3.5 things that make the show worth watching. If you're not all watching the current season you can use the Beebs Chrome extension to watch it on the BBC iPlayer.

I used to HATE Alton Brown. Wanted to strangle myself whenever he came on Food Network. Then, somehow, something clicked and I started liking him.

Chef John? Same thing. First time I heard him, what the gently caress am I even watching? Now, love him. Love his intonation, his stupid "you are the fleep-floop of your beep-boop," all that jazz. Awesome dude.

the first time i heard hitler i was like 'oh god what the gently caress are you on about, your voice is silly and you're so boring' but by like maybe the 7th or 8th time i heard hitler i was like 'aww you're so charismatic and angry and serious about everything i might as well give you mad props!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

I am convinced that this Spice Of Life show with this Del lady is just the most subtle dating show on Earth. Every episode is her doing date activities with eligible bachelor's with her kids there to suss out their new dad.

Yo, anyone got that clip of sandra lee making punch during some food network holiday thing where the co-host literally has to take a bottle away from her so she doesn't pour it all into the bowl? My girlfriend does not believe this exists and i have done every possible search on youtube and half the results are pimple popping videos.