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Monday, January 19, 2009

Just a Generally Shitty Day

In the past few years I've read a number of inspirational books... Malcom Gladwell's "Blink", Tony Robbins' book (a couple of those), Russell Simmons' "Do You", and to be honest I'm just ashamed of myself when I have a bad day. I've taken on a lot of what those guys have to say, and I know that we make concious decisions to have good and bad moods. You can dwell on something, or you can move forward, move on. I take it personal when I let things go for too long, but dammit sometimes there are things that just affect you more than others. I guess that speaks to the investment you have in certain things. When I say things like I just said, I know it's an excuse, and that makes me feel worse. It's the most circular process to be trapped in, and I hate to admit it even more.

Another thing that bothers me is that I hate to give haters the satisfaction of seeing me 'sweat'. Man, there are those out there who just live for you to have a bad day, but damn it I'm just not keeping it real if I don't admit that some days it's hard to keep the smile on your face, especially when something or someone that means everything to you isn't going the way you'd like it to go. But that's Pride, one of my least-favorite Deadly Sins. One of the hardest to beat.

A few years ago I developed a theory: when it comes to the 7 Deadly Sins, if you let any of them infiltrate something you're trying to get done, you will inevitably fail. For those who don't know them, they are Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth (laziness), Envy, Wrath, and Pride. Once upon a time I had a crew of very talented individuals and we made music together. We had a lot of potential, but we were taken down by at least 4 of the 7 deadly sins. Envy, Lust, Wrath, and Pride. The first three were easy enough to identify... Envy (people feeling like other members were getting more 'shine' than them, people looking at other people's mates and wanting what they had), Lust (members who spent more time chasing 'hoes' than making music, and even going to far as to sleep with other group members' women like the Temptations or some shit), Wrath (fistfights... nuff said), but Pride was the worst, because we never saw it as a problem until it turned into one of the other sins. I always thought that Wrath was my problem, but there's no wrath without Pride.

Overall I just generally feel shitty, and I'm just going to say it here. If it gives a hater a moment of celebration, whatever. Sometimes you just fall... but the Good Ones never stay down for long.

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