Watch her play the blame game throughout her story! "Nothing is her fault in all this?!?" In her eyes.

I wish somebody would have been there for me to tell me how much I would regret it, said McCoy, adding she calls her speaking out saving souls. Raised in a small town in northern Wisconsin in a family with six children, McCoy described herself as having Catholic roots, but said she was baptized Methodist. Faith was not a big part of her familys life.

Her one experience with abortion to that point involved a 16-year-old friend whose parents had helped her arrange for an abortion. I remember at the time, I told her I would not do that and I tried to talk her out of it. I considered myself pro-life at the time, she said.

By age 20, McCoy had moved to Madison and was living with a man she thought she would marry. In June 1984, she said she accidentally became pregnant and believing her relationship was not stable enough to bring a child into it, she opted for abortion. She remembers thinking, It cant be that bad since (my friends) parents took her years earlier.

She recalls little about the day of the abortion except she knows she went alone.She remembers the counselors at the clinic asking her some questions and reminding her shed have plenty of other chances in life to be a mother.I really pushed it so far out of my mind because I think I did not want my life to change, she said, adding she did not tell her boyfriend because I did not want anything to come between us. We had a love, hate relationship but it was not stable enough to raise a child.

As she entered the waiting room after the abortion, McCoy, who had been seven weeks pregnant, saw faces of other women and said, I just wanted to get out of there. I knew what I did was wrong, but I felt I was backed into a corner and didnt have a way out.

I started acting out. I was very angry at him because I felt he had not been there for me, she said, noting that in a revengeful act, she started dating one of his best friends. That was just one in a line of bad relationships. I was obsessed with starting over. I wanted somebody to love me, but I could not make anybody happy because I hated myself, she recalled. Instead of going to God, I was looking for men to fill the void in my life.

She knows for each abortion, she went alone and told no one

Today, McCoy said she realizes her sadness stems from the abortions and the mixed up life she had lived.

At the retreat, McCoy was asked to name her babies. She selected biblical names, even though at the time, she said she did not know their origin was from the Bible. At a second retreat, McCoy said she addressed her feelings of shame, something she had carried inside for many years. I wanted God to lift the shame, because I was tired of feeling all the shame, she admitted. McCoy is a speaker at the annual retreats and said she is open and comfortable speaking with others about her past.

Its only by Gods grace that I can do this, said McCoy, a member of Praise Fellowship in Sheboygan. I feel its what Im meant to do. Her message is also one of abstinence. If somebody would have told me God had one wonderful man waiting for me, I would not have used sex as a weapon or as a tool, she admitted.

I guess everybody has to walk the walk and I believe things happen for a reason, she said, adding, If somebody would have come to me and told me I could have raised my children, and I could get help for my drinking, I definitely wouldnt have had the abortions. If somebody would have reached out .

I read this as encouraging people to support unborn life. It is easy to criticize what a child has done. We know that many married couple abort to select the gender of a child. They are not making confessions so they are not being blamed. Likewise the lucrative abortion industry. Likewise, Fat Teddy and all his abused and abusive supporters.

Kids are stupid and impulsive, so they need guidance.

10 posted on 01/24/2006 8:29:24 AM PST by sine_nomine
(Every baby is a blessing from God, from the moment of conception.)