On Wednesday night, my stomach was huge. The baby was kicking like crazy, and I was excited for Brian to feel, and instead he came at me WITH A STETHOSCOPE. He ordered an actual stethoscope off Amazon and was so proud of himself and kept putting it on my stomach while I tried to sleep. It’s so nice going to sleep in your own cozy bed, only to immediately feel like you’re at the doctor. (He swears he can hear the baby’s heartbeat with it. I don’t know. I didn’t try. I was trying to sleep.)

When I woke up Thursday, I was less bloated and gassy than I had felt the night before (#sexypregnancy), but my stomach was still out there. So I decided: POPPED. And while I was walking Ellie on Friday, a woman (I don’t know her!) looked at me and smiled and said congratulations. So I guess it’s obvious now, or at least in certain outfits?

Definitely more obvious when clothed, I think.

Meanwhile…

BABY IS THE SIZE OF A…

carrot, or an endive. Because everyone knows how big an endive is, right? (I posted about this on Instagram Stories and a zillion people responded acting like I’m an idiot for not knowing how big an endive is. I’ve eaten endive before, but I stand by my declaration that I do not, off the top of my head, know how big an endive is, or how it should compare to my growing human child.)

I have taken more selfies in the past 21 weeks…

HOW I’M FEELING

I felt OK all week, with the exception of some more back pain. On Tuesday morning, it was so bad I could barely move, so I got a prenatal massage (still loving Hoboken Women’s Wellness!) and felt much better after. But I don’t want to keep doing stop-and-go treatment — I want to figure out what exactly this pain is, so I’m seeing a specialist tomorrow. Back pain is annoying!

Otherwise, feeling groovy. And maybe a little moody? It’s hard to tell if it’s hormone-based, or if people are just being stupid lately. But something about being pregnant has me speaking my mind without giving a damn. I love it. I don’t think other people do. YOLO.

NO FILTER FELLER!

WHAT I’M EATING

One of the most common questions I get when people find out I’m pregnant — after asking if it’s a boy or girl — is if I’ve had any crazy cravings. And I haven’t.

Or rather, hadn’t.

On Sunday, Brian, Ellie, and I had gone hiking, and it was so hot out and all I could think about was ice cream. I used to be obsessed with ice cream, but since mostly ditching dairy, I don’t really crave it because I know the aftermath is so brutal. (Yes, I know there are lots of yummy non-dairy options. I don’t crave those either.) But on Sunday, I couldn’t stop thinking about ice cream. I was so tired post-hike, and I tried to nap, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I just sat in bed, thinking about ice cream. So finally I marched over to Ben & Jerry’s, got myself a cone, and felt very satisfied.

ON THE WORKOUT FRONT

Nothing too exciting. I took a few Orangetheory classes, and took it really easy during all of them. I wanted to go for a run in Central Park Saturday, but it didn’t happen. Instead, I went for a nice walk with my friend, and I LOVE WALKING. (I posted about it on Instagram after, and the editors at Shape saw it and were like, “Hey, tell us more.” So I did! Read the story here. You can get a bit of my rant-y vibe there at the end.)

I’m going to an engagement party this weekend, so I ordered a few maternity dresses. None of them are quite working for me. And I think I’m going to need to go up another size in my sports bras, because the ones I just ordered are already tight (and I’m busting out the sides, which is neither cute nor comfortable). My mom very adorably sent Brian a dad-to-be Father’s Day package (MOM, HE’S ALREADY A DAD, TO ELLIE, YOUR GRANDDOGTER), and she threw a super-waisted maxi skirt in there for me. It is so comfortable and so awesome and I’m so happy in it.

RIP sports bra. You were good while you lasted. For two weeks.

WHAT I’M READING

I started reading On Becoming Baby Wise. I read one chapter and then decided to watch all 14 episodes of The Bold Type instead. (Anyone else watching? IT’S SO GOOD and I’m dying to talk about it, so please let me know if you’re watching and up to date and also if you think the Richard and Sutton relationship is kind of weird but also want them to work it out.)

HOW I’M SLEEPING

OK-ish. Good enough, I guess. On Saturday night I had a dream that I gave birth! The delivery was a whirlwind, and at the end, I was like, “Brian, how long was I pushing for?” and he said, “Five minutes.” And I was like WOW AWESOME, I DIDN’T FEEL A THING. I asked him if I needed any drugs, and he said no. And then Missy Robbins, the head chef at Lilia (my fave) showed up with a giant bowl of mafaldini (also my fave) for me. If real life could be JUST LIKE THAT, that would be great.

Here is someone who has NO PROBLEM sleeping.

WHAT I’M WONDERING

So many things!

First, if crib bumpers are unsafe, why do so many places sell them? At first I was like, “OH THIS STRIPED BUMPER IS CUTE, LEMME REGISTER FOR IT!” Then I used this thing called Google.com and read all kinds of stuff saying under no conditions should you have a bumper in your baby’s crib! So… Why do they exist? Please advise. What am I missing?

Second! I can’t stop reading birth stories. I told myself I wasn’t going to read any, and at some point this past weekend, I started down the rabbit hole and I couldn’t be stopped. (It’s kind of like how, after finding out I was pregnant, I couldn’t stop watching YouTube videos of happy people telling their parents and loved ones their big news. I cried to the point of dehydration many times.) Anyway. I am trying not to think too much about the actual birth, because we have plenty of time until that happens, and also because I don’t want to get myself at all psyched out. My midwife mentioned “our wishes” (wishes! hopes, dreams, goals! but not a plan!) at our last appointment, and we discussed it briefly, but honestly, I don’t want too much information. When the time comes, I’m going to do what the midwife and doula and OB/GYN tell me to do. I will go in well-informed, but I don’t want to over-think it. My theory is, “Zillions of women do this every day. You can, too, Feller.”

Can Ellie come to the hospital for the birth???

That being said, if you wrote about your birth story and it’s on the internet, OMG send me the link. Or just tell me about it here. It’s so fascinating to me right now.

Third! When people talk about the pain of childbirth, I know that includes lots of different things. But if you have done it, which did you find more aggressive: the pain of the contractions, or the pain of the actual pushing and getting the baby out part? Or was it the recovery? And is it true that it’s like a marathon and you forget about it afterward, once you can walk again?

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