Although my parents do not accept my boyfriend because he is white and eastern European. I still live at home because I have a seven-year-old brother who I don’t want to leave but if I stay at my boyfriend’s, my parents call and text, telling me to go home.

I want to move in with him in two years’ time but I don’t want to argue with my parents. What can I do?

For protective parents, boyfriends are monsters in horror films: they’re terrifying in the abstract and scarcely less frightening when kept in the shadows. ‘Luckily, The Boyfriend immediately becomes less scary when the parents finally get to meet him,’ says James McConnachie.

Throughout your letter, you show examples of perceived conflict all based on separation anxiety. ‘You oppose your parents but not enough to leave the protection of their home,’ says Dr Cecilia d’Felice, ‘And you project an ambivalence on to your partner by sharing your time with him despite knowing conflict will follow in the form of the messages beseeching you to come home.

‘And you do not want to leave home, citing your little brother as the reason – another fear of separation – but will you ever really lose your little brother?’

If you break through these fears, what is wrong here? Nothing, really. If you are already planning to be with him in two years’ time (an arbitrary period), then you have already made up your mind. Or have you?

‘And here lies the real reason for your hesitation to resolve this situation,’ says d’Felice. ‘You are not sure what you are seeking. You are trying to choose your family, your brother and your partner without being clear with any of them about your choices.’

Rupert Smith says parents tend to come round when their offspring show courage and integrity.

‘If you never stand up for yourself, how do you expect anyone to respect you?’ he says. ‘Tell your parents you love them but you also love your boyfriend, you want to have a future with him and you hope they will understand in time.’

Start this conversation by posing the situation as a question that needs a solution, says d’Felice. ‘Say: “I do not want any of us to suffer any more conflict over the choice I have made. There must be a better way.”

And remind your parents that while they object to your choice, you cannot see your future clearly and they may be propelling you into his arms. Also remind them that if you do choose him, then they would not be losing you but gaining a family.’

Two useful strategies for making a decision are ‘do not lie’ and ‘do not do what you hate’. While you are not being honest with yourself and attempting to hedge your bets, you end up doing both. Hopefully, if they choose to get to know him, your parents will stop seeing his race and religion and see his humanity and his individuality.

Email your relationship problems to features@ukmetro.co.uk, with ‘advice’ in the subject line.

OUR EXPERTSJames McConnachie is the author of Sex (Rough Guides, £12.99).
Psychologist Dr Cecilia d’Felice is a relationship consultant for Match.com.
Rupert Smith has written over a dozen novels, including Man’s World (Arcadia, £11.99).

YOUR ADVICE@CiaoTony Act your age – you’re 27, not 14! Move out and live by yourself for two years, then decide on cohabitation@garrydavenport Only move in with him if it’s what u truly want in ur heart, not just to spite ur parents. Recipe for disaster@CJblueAuthor Move out now… you’re 27 already! #liveyourlife not yr parents@sukbirkaur you’ve got the right idea, stick to your plan

NEXT WEEKSeven months ago, I started a relationship with a man I’d met a few months earlier. We didn’t sleep together until three months into the relationship because he wanted to wait, which I respected. I recently found a message on his mobile phone sent to an escort agency roughly one month into our relationship.

When I confronted him about this, he said he did this because he hadn’t had sex for a while, didn’t want to disappoint me and that he hadn’t actually enjoyed it with the agency. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you give me some advice, please?

Tweet your advice on next week’s problem to @MetroUK #MetroComplicated