Auntie Jean Advises - Boy John from Bradford

I am a student aged 21. Recently I went on a hiking trip in Peru. I was with a party of fellow students raising money for the student bar at Bradford University. The trip went well even including a once in a lifetime climb to explore Machu Picchu. We camped in our portable tents at night and at the end of the trek usually went swimming in the Amazon.

One unusually warm day when there was nobody around I stripped and cooled off in the shallow river edge waters taking the opportunity to piss in the water.

Throughout that night I had the strangest sensations as my penis seemed to be burning and felt as if it had been rubbed with my Grandmothers Fiery Jack arthritis ointment. I could not get rid of the resulting erection and as I am very well endowed and have an enormous cock was the subject of close scrutiny in my Speedos by my companions who were a largely female group.

This was three weeks ago. I have suffered great embarrassment for three weeks and when my mother baths me on a Friday night the stiffy will not go away. Very tactfully my Mother always pretends not to notice when soaping me down. Is this the result of repressed feelings of lust towards my fellow female students Auntie Jean?

Auntie Jean Replies

Dear Boy,

You are the hapless victim of a fish-like parasite that can swim up through your urine stream and up your penis into your urethra and embed it's fin-like spikes into your urethra and grow inside you. It sounds like something from a horror story but it is not fiction.

The parasite is called a candiru fish. An article in Urology by John Herman in 1973 describes this hideous little parasite. It is actually related to the catfish. It is slimy, slim and has little spikes that grow backwards and will be impossible to remove from the bladder without surgery. The average specimen grows to approximately 19 inches long and is about half an inch in diameter.

It lodges itself inside the gills of a larger fish and sucks their blood to live. It can swim up into the urethra of women even more easily because of the way the vagina is designed. This is another unfortunate example of the luck of women.

You must go back to the Amazonian village where you became involved with this evil parasite and make an appointment to see a Witch Doctor immediately. The Witch Doctors have the most up to date facilities for dealing effectively with the candiru fish parasite.