Beach etiquette

Ok so this conversation got started in another thread, but I think this issue needs it's own discussion. Right now some of you while reading this are somewhere out there on a beach or in the case of my state a boat, and are dressed in a manner that is making people vomit. So what I have is a simple questionare here to help those that just don't understand that we the people don't really want to see your nasty ass body no matter how awesome you think you look. There are just four questions, and if you answer yes to any of them then you should not wear a thong, a speedo, or any remotely revealing swimwear. :

1) Are you fat??

2) Are you hairy??

3) Are you old??

4) Are you male??

You see it's really simple answer any of those as yes then the answer to that god awful thong you're wearing is a big fat NO.

I welcome any comments or additions to what i see as just proper beach/boating etiquette.

Oh and as a side note if you do happen to be a hot chick I still have no desire to see you pissing next to my truck while in at the boat launch, which has happened.

My beach attire consists of board shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt with ball cap and (very cool) sunglasses with about two gallons of SPF 30. I wouldn't even wear a Speedo when I was swimming in competition.

I spent last week at Daytona Beach and am considering writing the local legislators there. Some of the things I saw should be illegal.

One of my favorite stretches of beach in SD is from Blacks Beach to Torrey Pines. Blacks used to be a nude beach, and its technically not now but basically nudity is tolerated, so I'd say there's like a 50/50 mix of clothed and unclothed people. Mostly old, fat, hairy, leathery hippies. Damn nice beach though.

Once saved a big (about 3ft long) Humboldt squid that had become beached. Carried it out to the water and it swam off:

sometimes I do giant sand arabesques there:

I think that the beach is so awesome, not even enhammocked danglewangs can ruin it. But man do they try sometimes. There was a nude volleyball game at Blacks when I was there walking one day, and it was the epitome of "bad naked". All kinds of twisting and squatting and grunting. The worst, though, is if you're lounging on the beach and a nude passerby decides to have a mundane conversation, "nice weather out here" and such, flopping in the breeze.

There's a whole slew of rules for beach etiquette here.
This would be a start:

but of course those are routinely ignored if there is a large disparity in skill, or physical presence.
Fights are still common.

Do i care what other people are wearing?
Not really, though LOL at "enhammocked danglewangs".

One of the beaches i surf at, frequently has old dudes "making the beast with two backs" in the shrubbery(shrubbuggery?); yet while i find their choice of location odd, it's still pretty easy to ignore.
I do make sure to send all the visiting surfers down that path,
"Yep, the surf is down that way! Have a good one brah!"
In fact i'm going to the beach all day today, once i finish my coffee and laundry.
I'll be sure to bring my hammock.

ChenPengFi, there's a similar poster up at Honoli'i, Hilo's best surf spot. No snaking! I hate it when some asshole paddles or swims right up to my inside, where I've carefully lined up, and cuts me out. It doesn't happen much here, here it's friendly. The Big Island is way more friendly than O'ahu, as a Hawaiian guy told me at Honoli'i, we're more family oriented. And there are lots of kids, women, old farts etc. It's just not the scene where tough young men rule and get the waves.

As soon as I write this I'm taking off to surf Poho'iki, and thank god I'm in Hawaii, where here specially on the Big Island, people are comfortable with their bodies. That said, it's not 8 ft Panic so I'm wearing normal trunks...

"Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez

ChenPengFi, there's a similar poster up at Honoli'i, Hilo's best surf spot. No snaking! I hate it when some asshole paddles or swims right up to my inside, where I've carefully lined up, and cuts me out. It doesn't happen much here, here it's friendly. The Big Island is way more friendly than O'ahu, as a Hawaiian guy told me at Honoli'i, we're more family oriented. And there are lots of kids, women, old farts etc. It's just not the scene where tough young men rule and get the waves.

As soon as I write this I'm taking off to surf Poho'iki, and thank god I'm in Hawaii, where here specially on the Big Island, people are comfortable with their bodies. That said, it's not 8 ft Panic so I'm wearing normal trunks...

I travel round the South West of the uk a fair bit and the 'rules' are rarely paid lip service to but generally the line ups are reasonable spread apart, depending on the beach. Some locals are cool, some are twats like most beaches around the world I imagine.

I don't actually wear board shorts, just shortish vilebrequin.

"Won't fight me in the ring? Don't fight me on the street."Paraphrased from Bullshido.

"You can't judge Martial Arts until you feel the joy of kicking someone in the face and not go to prison for it."Mrs Kovacs.

This is the little beach in front of my temporary residence for the next few months:

Being a sheltered little cove you frequently get white pointers out on the beach. Though apart from appreciating some of the, er, finer points of the female form, can't say I've ever taken much notice of what anybody else was wearing at the beach. I think if you're fashion policing at the beach, you're doing it wrong.

This is the little beach in front of my temporary residence for the next few months:

Being a sheltered little cove you frequently get white pointers out on the beach. Though apart from appreciating some of the, er, finer points of the female form, can't say I've ever taken much notice of what anybody else was wearing at the beach. I think if you're fashion policing at the beach, you're doing it wrong.