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Thursday, June 26, 2008

"Ma'am, we would like to verify your organization's information for the yellow pages and waste several minutes of your time so we can eventually get to the point, which is that we'd like to fuck you in the ass with charges on some useless advertisement that you would never ask for and do not really need. So we're just going to go ahead and send you some shit for free for like six months, and you can cancel at any time before then, because it's long enough that you'll forget we ever called, and then we can slam your vag with fees--"

"No thank you."

"Well, how about I put you down --"

"I'm going to just interrupt you and let you know that we will not be purchasing anything from you."

"I understand that, ma'am, but I assure you that you can cancel at any time--"

"Obviously you don't understand, because I just said no."

"But what you will get in return--"

"No. "

"Ma'am, you should strongly--"

"No means no."

"What we are offering--"

"Do you do this before you rape young girls as well?"

"Excuse me?"

"I say no, and you keep pushing...you're raping my right to purchase."

"I don't think that's--"

"It's the same goddamn thing. Just because we're an organization looking for exposure doesn't mean you can take advantage of our short skirts. Please don't call back here."

Dude, Mr., insurance agents are Believers. It's harder to be mean to someone when they believe their product should be purchased for your benefit, rather than just want it to be purchased for their own.

Still. I will help. Cold-calling fuckers. Get a new job.

Darwin: you should teach the two year old to say, “My mommy says you’re a dirty slutty phone whore.”

Say something

So, I have a tendency to start sentences with, "So, I have a tendency…” Sometimes I go places, wander off, get lost, and find my way back without realizing I was lost in the first place. And then everyone's all, "where've you been?" and I'm all, "I dunno, over there somewhere." Sometimes I skip breakfast and regret it later.