Let it OUT and Feel good about it

Whats the matter with me? Why can’t I enjoy my youth. I’m 21. And all I could think about was dying since I was 7 years old. Bullying, abused physically and emotionally with no actual guidance’s in life really exhausts and mentally breaks a person. I just wanted to be loved and inlove. I never liked parties or drinking. And as a young parent I definitely can’t do that. I’ve got to finish my degree and figure out what I want to be for the rest of my life. But I hate my life. But I also don’t/can’t end my life. But at the same time my life is passing right before me and I can’t think of any happy memories. And I just feel old and used and yet I am only 21! What is wrong with me? Why am I so different from everyone else? And in the end is that a bad thing or a curse?