Afghan Refugees

Afghan woman battles domestic violence, patriarchal culture

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Basira Haidari, 23, sits by the feet of her husband, Omid Haidari, 25, a former translator for U.S. military forces. The couple moved to Sacramento from Afghanistan three years ago, and since their arrival, Basira has called the police several times after arguments with her husband became physical. Their story highlights a cultural disconnect experienced by many Afghan refugees over what behavior is permitted between husbands and wives in the U.S. and what is not. Renée C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Sitting in a child-size chair with her daughter Raheel nearby, Basira Haidari in October attends ESL classes at Dyer-Kelly Elementary School in Sacramento. Basira said she first witnessed family violence against women as a child and has resisted becoming a victim of it. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Basira Haidari consoles her son, Subhan, as her daughter Raheel holds the heart-shaped balloon her mother gave her in the parking lot of the Children and Family Services Division of the Department of Social Services in Sacramento in March. Earlier this year, the children were placed in foster care “given the ongoing domestic violence in the home,” court records said. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Basira Haidari in March looks at artwork made by her children while they are in the custody of Child Protective Services. “One social worker told me it might be a year before I’d get them back,” Basira said. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I had a misunderstanding with the interpreter. I try to follow all the rules here, but they don’t tell us what the rules are.” Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

In their new apartment in West Sacramento, Basira Haidari holds her son Subhan as her daughter Raheel smiles. The children had been taken away by Child Protective Services when the family was living in the Skyview Villa apartments in Arden Arcade, home to many Afghan refugees. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

No longer living with his wife Basira, Omid Haidari stays on friends’ couches in Sacramento. He attends classes for domestic violence, parenting and anger management, and hopes to rejoin his wife and children, he said. Both Omid and Basira said the resettlement agency did not inform them about U.S. laws against domestic violence. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Basira Haidari celebrates her son Subhan’s first steps. With loans from friends and family, Basira bought a used Toyota Matrix and secured a two-bedroom apartment in West Sacramento for $744 a month. She passed her driver’s test on the second try. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Afghan refugee Basira Haidari, 23, wipes tears in her new apartment where she hopes to get back the custody of her two small children Raheel, 3, and Subhan, 9-months, who had been living in foster care under the custody of Child Protective Services for the past two months on Monday, March 13, 2017 in Sacramento. In January, after she had her husband Omid Haidari arrested for beating her, she ended up losing her kids to Child Protective Services while she and her husband were ordered to take classes on parenting, domestic violence, and in his case, anger management. She says there was a miscommunication with her interpreter on how to file a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) and she didn't understand how to do it. When the Sacramento Sheriff's Department arrested her husband the interpreter told her to get the TRO or she would lose her children. When they arrived demanding the TRO she didn't have it and they took her children. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

While holding a heart shaped balloon Basira Haidari, 23, hugs her daughter Raheel Haidari, 3, after she arrived for a one hour visitation at the department of children and family services on Friday, March 10, 2017 in Sacramento. Haidari had been granted one hour visits with her two children twice a week since they were taken into CPS custody. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Basira Haidari, 23, gives her 9-month year old son Subhan Haidari and 3-year old daughter Raheel Haidari gifts before heading inside for her one hour visit with them after they were taken away by CPS on Friday, March 10, 2017 in Sacramento. She rushes over from her domestic violence class to see them. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com

Shukriya Karimi, 36, wipes tears in her therapy session with Homeyra Ghaffari as she talks about her sons she had to leave behind in Afghanistan on Wed., Nov. 2, 2016 in Sacramento. Her estranged SIV husband only allowed her to bring two of her four children from Afghanistan. "Shukriya was suicidal and has hallucinations from a head injury caused by domestic violence back home," said Ghaffari, who gave the family about $2000 to send to the brothers in Afghanistan. Renée C. Byer

Batool Moshref, right, said parenting was one of the toughest challenges she and her husband Jaffar Samadi, left, had to face since their arrival from Afghanistan on Thur., Nov. 3, 2016 in Sacramento. Jaffar worked with the U.S. for seven years in Afghanistan. After arriving on an special immigrant visa he was so distraught by the lack of help from the resettlement agency he threatened to kill himself and his family. Both parents meet with a therapist once a week to learn how to control their tempers and refrain from hitting their kids. "The most shocking part is the child rearing partâin Afghanistan, there is no back talking. I feel like all my tools are taken away, but I'm afraid to lose my kids," said Moshref. Therapist Homeyra Ghaffari has taught them to have more fun with their sons, let them play teacher to teach the parents what they're learning in school. "We thought the kids in America were all spoiled, but now we see how well behaved they are in school," Samadi, left, said. After school, their home is now filled with laughter, joy and a soccer ball bouncing off the walls. Renée C. Byer

Basira Haidari, 23, balances her son Subhan Haidari, 9-months, as her daughter Raheel Haidari, 3, vies for her attention on Thursday, March 23, 2017 in West Sacramento. The children had been taken away by Child Protective Services Jan. 24th nearly two months earlier and were allowed back to their mother who moved to a much nicer apartment. "The minute I pick up Subhan my daughter Raheel wants my attention," she said. "Whenever anyone visits they are afraid they are coming to take them away," she said. Renee C. Byerrbyer@sacbee.com