err...cant be of much help here=(...but look at the bright side...Both Genders are attracted to u=p
________ but seriously...the word luv--telling the fortune teller abt u---that pretty much sums it up...I wudnt ask a fortune-teller abt my newest bf...but sure as hell will discuss my gf....imo-hes gay but is afriad he might be taking it too fast---
--This cud all be a huge misunderstanding though...cuz It depends is he reaaaaally a gud frnd...a reaaaaaally gud frnd wud say that he luves his frnd......anyways dont listen to me Ive recently spoiled my best frnds relationship big time=(--
____________________________________________________
The Basic Prob in the dating world..how to read the signals properly and quickly_________________

Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:13 pm

Message

Anakinlover89Knight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 475Location: Florida, U.S.

Well if your gay then go for the relationship if your not then try to sit down with your friend and just have a civil discussion about both of your sexual orientations._________________

Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 2:01 pm

Message

Mara Jade SkywalkerAdministrator

Joined: 15 Feb 2008Posts: 6266Location: Beyond Shadows

Hey, Judicar. This is a tough one, to be sure. But I've had a similar experience of sorts. I'd rather not share the experience, but I'll do my very best to share with you what I learned from it.

First of all, if your friend is having feelings toward you, that's something he absolutely cannot help. So that wouldn't be his fault. Second, try to understand that those feelings are sometimes extremely hard to cope with. The fact that he's talking to somebody about it is probably simply because he needs to talk about it. And it's not normally something that's easy to discuss with one's friends. So one tends to go to a neutral party for help.

Now, I'm assuming you're not having the same feelings for him? And/or that you're not gay. In that case, I wouldn't mention that you're aware of his feelings. Because then it would eventually become known that you don't have any feelings toward him, and it would turn into an extrememly awkward friendship. I would venture to say that your friendship would probably be severely weakened by the whole thing, if not totally crushed. If he is attempting to supress his feelings toward you, and never makes you aware of the fact that he likes you (and seems to do his best to act normal toward you), then I would do my best to forget about it and be friends. He won't be able to quash those feelings, but as long as he's attemping to suppress them, that's the best he can do.

On the other hand, if he makes it obvious that he likes you and wants to know if you feel the same, well...then you're going to have to stop and talk about it. I don't really know what to tell you beyond that in that case, because that never happened to me. But in such a case, I would just say that you'll have to tell him the truth. Because he decided to come out and say what he felt, instead of keeping it to himself, he's going to need to be prepared for such a response. I would simply tell the truth and hope for the best.

Now if you're indeed having feelings for him as well (whether you consider yourself gay or not), I would give it time. Don't come right out and say that you know how he feels, but wait and see if he takes it any further. If you feel like you want to say something simply because of how you feel, then go right ahead. He would probably be relieved that he's not the only one feeling that way.

Now...I've mentioned this in other places on the forums, but I believe homosexuality is wrong. So I just want to make it clear that I'm not endorsing that sort of relationship. However, I'm also not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't be gay. That is your decision, not mine. So please don't think I'm judging you in that area. I simply want to clarify my beliefs regarding that.

So anyway, all of that above is simply my advice from what I've previously gone through. You can take it or leave it, but either way...I hope for the best between you and your friend. _________________"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker

Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 2:15 pm

Message

Caedus_16Master

Joined: 15 Apr 2008Posts: 5355Location: Korriban

I kinda understand what you're going through Judicar. I'm currently going through a similar situation with a friend of mine (she's a girl, so its a little different, but I understand how having a friend have feelings for you can be). She knows that I found out, so she's going all out and going for broke. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. Not actually sure what I want out of it. But if I were you, I wouldn't let your friend know. It'd make it awkward and stressful, whereas if you keep it to yourself he may get over it and you guys can go back to your friendship. I take it you aren't gay, so this makes it a little difficult. Just remember, the friendship is the most important thing...especially if you don't return the feelings._________________Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:47 pm

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

Thanks for the help guys . . . you've given me alot to think about.

In the meantime, he's going to Bermuda tomorrow for a while, so I will be able to get a break from him while I sort everything out. I've decided I'm going to talk to a mutual friend of ours, who used to be more or less what I am now with this guy, and see if he had a similar experience or can at least talk to me about it._________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith

In mourning . . .

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:25 am

Message

FatalFistKnight

Joined: 06 Sep 2008Posts: 431Location: Paksitan-LAhore

It wud be a REAL BUMMEr--If u come out and tell him that u know how he feels abt u))and his reply is "huh wat gav u that idea..." And u tell him abt the message u read...that wud put a Real mis-trust in ur frndship---especially if ur frnd gives u a real gud explaination that he had no such feelings with u...
_____
So I guess COnfrontation is BAD=(....which is btw usualy wat evy1 recommends...but it just doesnt fit here ImO._________________

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:38 am

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

Mhm I agree . . . that's why I'm going to talk to a mutual friend of ours instead and see if he can shed any light on the situation and possibly provide empathy?_________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith

In mourning . . .

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:57 pm

Message

Anakinlover89Knight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 475Location: Florida, U.S.

That might not be the best idea, the reason it might not be a wise idea is that you might not want more people involved in the situation._________________

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:43 pm

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

Which is why I was hesitant about it, but in the end I decided I'll do it. He can keep a secret, and he's the ideal person I could talk to about this._________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith

In mourning . . .

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:02 pm

Message

MizzeeOHEUC Staff

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 251Location: Nar Shaddaa

Really tough situation.....

Have you also talked to your parents about it at all? Parents usually are pretty wise about stuff like this.

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:20 pm

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

Well my parents don't really like this friend too much, so I don't think they'll give me a good, unbiased verdict. And plus, I've never been good with talking to them about things anyway. Besides, my other friend (we're gonna call him Sam) knows the other guy well (let's say he's Garry), so Sam's ideal to talk to, way better than parents._________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith

In mourning . . .

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 3:49 pm

Message

Anakinlover89Knight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 475Location: Florida, U.S.

Well if this friend is someone you can really trust then I think you can talk to him, One thing that helps me is maybe try to talk to your friend about someone you might know to tell your situation lik "I have this friend who has problems with one of his guy friends." It really does help to keep yourself out of the situation when telling others._________________

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:36 pm

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

That's true. However, I did already tell him that it was something personal involving me, so that would kinda be pointless now . . . But it works out anyway, cause he responded to my message saying that he needed to tell me something too, so we're gonna talk online late tonight._________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith

In mourning . . .

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:46 pm

Message

Anakinlover89Knight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 475Location: Florida, U.S.

Well then I'm sure it will be a good conversations. Unfortunately we all have at one point someone we don't want chasing us._________________

Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 1:49 am

Message

Darth JudicarKnight

Joined: 02 Feb 2008Posts: 433Location: Lehon (the Unknown World)

So I talked to him . . . he reckons I not make something out of it unless I see something that could definitely be taken as a sign. I do feel better about it too now._________________
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Code of the Sith