I think you will have to give yourself permission to have a mini breakdown because grief will do that to anyone. But if you have good boundaries with your family and only take small steps with whatever needs to be done, it doesn't have to set you all the way back to a bad place. Just think however bad you are feeling, that is how much you care for your nan. Don't be scared of it.

Really sorry to hear about your nan - I'd like to pass on my condolences to you and the rest of your family.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling - you need to express your emotion, like everyone else does in their own ways. Take things at your own pace - everyone processes things at their own pace, so look after yourself.

This is one major event in your life, that you will carry at the back of your mind for the rest of your life. However, if you allow yourself to process what is going on and just feel, you will be able to withstand the impact - one event does not have to derail your progress!x

I am not surprised that with a family like that you learnt to bottle things up!

Seek out friends that will let you be you and learn to make your own family if you can. I am doing this now and it is helping me so much to be more honest about how much I struggle instead of having to pretend to be strong all the time.

It is okay to cry. Try to do it for short periods and then do something you enjoy even if you don't feel like it. That way the grief can come out but you won't drown in it.

The Samaritans are excellent to talk to. They will listen and don't judge. If you can't talk to anyone I would call them. And try to realize that because you don't cry it doesn't mean you don't care. By ringing the sams you are allowing some of the feelings out.