Monday, January 17, 2011

State of the Cats

President Obama may have his State of the Union speech, but on the local level, the State of the Cats is just as important. It's been awhile since we last talked about the cats and there have been some changes around here, subtle yes, and probably invisible to the casual observer, but changes none-the-less.

For one thing, the al-Quida cat, aka Yella, has given up his title as chief terrorist of the neighborhood. Yella, or Old Yella as we call him now, has definitely gotten long in the tooth, losing weight, and is quite satisfied to sit on the back porch and leave the wildlife in peace. Old Yella has a slow cancerous growth near one eye that causes the area around it to get red and puffy. Highly expensive surgery was an option but with his age and our budget, that wasn't gonna happen. Eye drops are working fairly well to keep the swelling down and Yella doesn't seem to let it bother him too much. Yella is a tough old cat.

Then there's Brat Cat, the problem child. What weight Yella lost, Brat Cat found, and is now beginning to look a lot like a typical Wal-Mart shopper. Brat is a stalker of birds and getting very good at it. Using the tiniest bit of cover, she lies in wait for anything that flutters, the bird bath being her favorite haunt. Believe me, that cat can blend into the winter leaves better than a African lion on the Savannah. I have chased her from the bird feeding area at least 5000 times, no really, I have; all the while yelling, shouting, and uttering obscenities so loud that I'm sure the neighbors think they're living next to someone with Tourette syndrome. But it doesn't help. Same problem, every day. Lately, we have reached an agreement of sorts; I promise not to yell and throw things if she voluntarily walks away when she sees me at the door. Brat Cat and I are a lot like North and South Korea. She conducts her feline stalking exercises right under my nose and I threatern her with weapons of mass destruction.

The gray cat named Blue is still here but on shaky ground. During the past couple weeks, and on more than one occasion, Blue has failed to use the litter box for doing her #1, not #2 thank goodness, but it's still an intolerable situation. Blue is currently being held in medical isolation for an unknown period of time. Of course, most of the readers here know what my solution to this is but then you also know the Missus. Let's just not go there for now.

Lastly there is Minnie le Mew. Minnie has become a lady of leisure, perfectly content to lie around the house and purr her ass off. The declawing process worked wonders. No only does she not destroy the furniture, she has developed an entirely new personality. Her days of fang and fury have disappeared, replaced by love and slobbery licks. In fact, she has become Brat Cat's sparring partner. They both ambush, pounce, and tussle, but without the blood.

In summary, the State of the Cats here at the humble abode, is about like the State of the People . All of us are aging, becoming more tolerant, and perfectly willing to let bygones be bygones. Live and let live is the order of the day. Except for Brat and the birds. There's that.