Bedrest, Hyperemesis, to many to count hospital stay, at home health care, home IV, pump inserted in stomach pumping me with meds

May 10th

17 weeks

a first time pregnancy milestone; we've never made it this far!

July 16th

ITS A GIRL

27 weeks

start of pre-term labor

following weeks include:

steroid shots, anti-contraction meds

35 weeks

November 16th

miracles can happen

Today

2010 has made me the happiest person in the world. At times it was tough, really tough. But, come March my whole world was turned upside down. I can't explain what this tiny little girl does to me. I have fallen in love with my husband all over again. Watched him be the most amazing father. And Found myself finding strength I never knew I had.

I can't wait for 2011! Witnessing my little girl with all of her "firsts". Watching each milestone, as I hope to become the momma I hoped I would be.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Kennedy has been chewing on her the nipples of her bottles & just acting like she is teething. I thought no way, couldn't be possible. So, I asked my friend who works for a pediatrician why you think she would be acting like all the prime symptoms of teething. She said babies are sometimes born with teeth & have been known to be born with full sets. you kidding me right? That crazy. She told me to do try some baby orajel to see if it did anything. I don't want to use orajel & plus Kennedy isn't teething so it didn't matter. Just then I decided, why not just run my finger on her gums & see.

& that is when, I ran my finger on her upper gum, top right; a little tooth was poking thru! I was in-shock! How is this even possible? She is only 6 weeks! Dr assured me this is completely normally, not to freak. But, I am having a hard time grasping that this is stage we are experiencing :(

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

..at my post-opt appointment I find out if my body will be able to hold another pregnancy. To say I am nervous is a understatement. But, at the same time I feel like I'm being selfish since I was already blessed with hold one little miracle til term. I am praying I will be able to have just one more. If not though, I know I am truly blessed with the one I was able to have. I know there is so many that can't even say that. Wish me luck! prayers accepted :)

**UPDATE**
It seems as though GOD is only granting me one miracle in this lifetime. I will have to find the strength to be ok with that.

From what I can remember of my appt, I kinda blacked out after he started talking, he did the exam; & my tissue still seems to be deteriorating. He said it could just seem very weak because my estrogen levels aren't back to normal. But even then it is so weak the chances of me holding another would be slim. He tried making light of the situation asking if I really wanted to go through all I did last time again, which is a ridiculous question if you ask me. I would in heartbeat. He said right now would be prime time for us to try again, my fertility should be tip-top depending if my body starts to ovulate again (here we go again cycles & charts. temping & OPKS). But, there is a strong possibility of miscarrying.

I don't think a) I can handle another, I know I have only had 2, & many women I know have more than that. b) be selfish enough to try & lose the pregnancy knowing there is a strong possibility of it happening.

This was such a strong pill to swallow yesterday. All Brandon talks about is trying again & shooting for our boy. & just hours after to finding out I find myself once again being smug at all of those women getting pregnant on accident & trying for a month. How does this come again so fast when I should be thankful for the little miracle I already have? I feel so awful from my non-happiness attitude for those of whom are getting to experience this wonderful thing. Does this make me a horrible person? [by the way if you did conceive on accident or within a month there is nothing wrong with that]

Anyway, I go back in April to check for sure if my tissue is "done-zo". Brandon keeps telling me if so, we can just spoil the crap outta Kennedy. Which of course, if comes down to it; I will love to. But, I never imagined myself with just one child.But then again, I never imagined myself having miscarriages. I never imagined myself having such a hard time to get that one child & that child being my only. So this selfish momma, will probally cry alittle [who am i kidding BAWL MY EYES OUT] but in the end I got my miracle; she is gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, & currently cooing next to me with this biggest gummy smile ever. & that, will be good enough for me. :)

& plus why do I gotta hog more than one miracle in a lifetime, hopefully GOD will pass it on to YOU!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

6 weeks today, unbelievable. Today, Kennedy woke up not being able to breathe well & was kinda congested. She is mostly a mouth-breather, and when she was having difficulty breathing she was scream/cry making her breathe out of her nose making it harder breathe cause of the congestion. Making it a neverending cycle of crying. I took her in the bathroom & turned on a hot shower filling the room with steam, which finally gave her some relief letting her sleep for about a hour, but I ran out of hot water. So we trotted over to the doctors & he said it cold be just viral. I have to do saline drops in her little nose then suck um out, & use a cool mist humidifier til thursday & if it isn't better; it looks as if my little miss will need a antibiotic :(

Her stomach issues are getting better. Still very much constipated :( we are doing a mixture of, corn syrup in her bottle, sugar water bottles & co.lace.

On a side note, today she was weighting in a healthy 10lbs 3oz, 22 in long :)

Dr said she is shattering milestones, holding her head up on her own now & being able to sit in her bumbo. [which she loves]

I just noticed how long its been since I've posted! With the holiday shenanigans it has just slipped my mind, even though I read all of yours. With that said I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday, no matter how you celebrate it! I know we did as our first Christmas as a family of 3.

On Christmas Eve we spent it with the the in-laws treating it like Christmas day, since they were going to South Carolina to visit my niece. Kennedy got a some awesome gifts, two of the favs were a Bengals jersey onesie that will not fit her for awhile but so cute, and a ochocinco one at that ;) Daddy was pleased with that gift, as well as a Carhart outfit that was a skirt & shirt that had the logo and said "tiny but tough"; again happy Daddy. But, I have to mention my BIL, got me a new external flash, with a new softener & diffuser; I was so excited!

Christmas was spent at my parents, when my parents go to have all of their grandbabies, FIVE yes FIVE girls for the first time ever. I loved seeing the joy in my ma's eyes seeing them all. [they live in a different state] We didn't go crazy on buggy for christmas we had gotten so much previously from her being born between me & the babyshower & knowing aunts,uncle, & grandparents were getting alot. We got her a tummy time activty mat & a buggy pillow pet :) & just a few other fun things. I can't even begin to mention all the things my ma got her, but I am happy to say we expanded her Ralph Lauren collection one more outfit! She got a pair of bright star, keys & she loves them! Oh, & the new limited addition pink advent bottles!! :)

christmas morning, tired buggy!

all the grand-daughter/my nieces & buggy [ages ranging from 5weeks-10years]

Kennedy on her new mat, with her pretty christmas dress [doubling as her 5 week picture ;)]

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My poor baby girl is constipated [past 2 days]. the dr recommended a tablespoon of corn syrup in two bottles a day (morning & bedtime) and it isn't helping :( next is a antibiotic, which I am not happy about with her so young. Any of you mommas know of any home remedies less harsh than an antibiotic? I feel so awful, & helpless as she lays crying & just looking at me like, DO SOMETHING :(

In the meantime, I finally got her to sleep after hours of screaming/grunting/pushing. & she looks so peaceful.

Tomorrow, it will be a month since I have became a momma, & I thought I would list the essentials that got me through my first month, with alot of my friends just about to have their babies & those who are planning to have a baby!- i'll do another as she grows & my fav things change

The Boppy (it even came with a ladybug on it, perfect for my buggy! )
absolute must. if you pregnant, & don't have one..get one! Awesome for breastfeeding, for younger children that want to hold baby, or for anyone for that matter when you arm starts to hurt, perfect for baby to lay in (bug loves it) & for tummy time. all together, it is the absolute mommy-must-have.

Also if you go online, they have a "build-a-boppy" link where you have a naked pillow & you pick the fabric & can use two kinds for front & back!

JJ Cole Bundle Me.This is for us mommas up north in the colder climate. Yeah yeah, I know the controversy
with it being safer when you cut the back out & only use it for the stroller. But I have it in pink, & have had not one problem with her safety harness & I LOVE IT. It keeps her so so warm & blocks the wind when having to go from the car into a place. Plus, you don't have to bundle up your baby in tons of clothes & a coat & having to re-size the safety harness, or about choke your baby out trying to get the harness over that adorable fluffy coat! ;) All-in-all in my personal opinion it is also a must have for us northern mommas.

sidenote: they are normally 45ish dollars, I recommend going to a resale shop, mine was used for one winter & I snagged mine for a fab 6.95$! (insert cheesy "cha-ching" noise here)

Baby Trend bouncer. Bug loves the vibration & the music. I put it on my dinning room table when blogging & she is up to look around, when I need to take a shower,or doing the dishes! If it wasn't for this & her swing I wouldn't get anything done while she was awake!

Moses Basket. This is so much easier than lugging around a play-yard to & from grandmas houses, which I have found with holiday shenanigans. Some people don't like them, but while she is this little, I am loving it. It's perfect for relative houses & I keep it downstairs for her to nap in. & I load everything I need to take in to grandma's in it to carry, which make less trips to & from the car for momma! :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I probally should have wrote this alot sooner, so my memory was fresh. So, Im writing this to be best of my ability with my memory!

November 16th 4:00 AM- I woke up at 4 am full of energy which seems weird beings the day before I had blew the leaves in the backyard (we have a big-big backyard) & stacked a bunch of wood, because I was to have a doctors appt the next day & Brandon had the day off & I wanted to spend the whole day with him, & wanted to do those things so he wouldn't have to. Anyway! I started watching a Christmas movie on Hallmark, when I started to feel kinda queasy so I ate a bowl of cereal. When the back pain started.

It hurt, but nothing to bad. When I realized the pain was coming in intervals. 4 mins apart. I thought hmm, these can't be contraction because they were nothing like what I had been experiencing for 9 weeks of pre-term. My stomach wasn't hard or anything. I called my mother & asked what back labor felt like. She swore up & down I was in labor (I had saw her @ about 11 at night the day before where she said, I think your in labor. I thought she was insane) I woke Brandon & told him this might be it, stay in bed & got my stuff together. Then, I called L&D and said to the nurse "this may sound strange, but what does back labor feel like" I explained what I was going thru & she told me I was fine & just go to my appt that day at 1 in the afternoon.

Just minutes later, the pain was about 2 mins apart & I vomited. I again woke up Brandon told him I was just going to get checked just in case, he didn't have to come if he didn't want cause I was more than positive I was not in labor. He over course wanted to come, but we left all my stuff & Kennedys at home.

We pull in when by now the pain was less than 1 min apart, we are walking thru the parking lot where I had one very bad "pain" got down to squat & was saying "ow ow ow..." look on the ground & there was a 50 dollar bill! We walk in laughing on how we couldn't believe what I had found, the pain still very close together but not awful pain at all, very bearable.

I get into a room, that was still being cleaned. & get check. I was 8 cm!!! Good thing I didn't listen to that nurse huh? & on top of that she told me not to come in because they didn't have enough room! She asked if I wanted a epideral or just a shot since I was so far. My birth plan was not to get anything if I came in & was 7. But the pain was getting a little more intense, again not bad though. & decided to get the epidural just with a bolus button where I could just push it when I need it. They broke my water, it was clear. But Kennedy was OP. I got on my hands on knees to get her to turn. During this time was probably twas so hard because I wanted to push so bad, but couldn't. Which is when I pressed the button for first & only time. (the pain just wasn't that bad) So, I grunted & did very light pushes to ease the sensation. & YAY she turned.

Within minutes I was 10 cm & ready to push! Brandon was amazing, with coaching me. Telling me how great I was doing, that he loved me ect ect. He did great counting, although I do remember he stopped once & I yelled at him ! haha Speaking of counting my best friend in the whole world Joel, & Kennedy's god-father was outside the room, door cracked counting with Brandon & yelling "you can do it"; which gave me a huge laugh in it all. I was yelling I did want to poop! & every time they told me to push I would yell "no i'm gonna poop I can feel it" hahahha they nurses were laughing up a storm but I was bound & determined not to go number #2!

I got her down to crowning in only about 10 or less minutes. Which is where, I feel was the hardest since the rest was really just a cinch.I got her to come about out to her ears when I gave up & back in she went. I started crying yelling "i wasn't strong enough & i couldn't do it" I was so discouraged, I was made to do this & I felt like I couldn't. When Brandon said she had brown hair, & I gave it all I had. The dr unwrapped the cord from her neck & onto my stomach. She didn't cry.

& continued to not cry for what seemed like forever. I started scream saying "cry cry cry" the dr yelled back saying "TARA, she is fine; she is breathing" but I continued to yell {i think any momma needs to hear that cry regardless} & that is when she gave a some what "geeze mom shut up" soft short little "wah". It was if it was just to let me know "hey, im ok."

Which is when I fell in love. I saw for the first time the most little perfect angel, my miracle, my daughter. After just under 5 hours of labor, 2 years of trying, 2 miscarriages, weeks in the hospital, weeks of terrifying pre-term labor,hurt & pain...I was a mom. The one thing I had wanted more than anything else in the whole world. The one thing, I spent so much heartache & time striving to be. I was a mom to the most beautiful little girl in the world.

We did Kangaroo time, which is when the nurses don't touch, weight or do anything to your baby & he/she lays on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour; where you also try to breast feed. This is the most amazing hour of your life. & it goes by so fast I suggest this to every pregnant mother to do this. That first hour is in describable.

I told her of how much she was wanted, how much she was loved. How we had tried so hard for her, & how so many people loved her. I told her of what a miracle she really was. & how she was my daughter, & promised her to be the best momma I could ever be to her.

I remember, after an hour my mom asked if she could hold her "the hour is up" {not everyone was on the bagwagon with my birthplan} she wanted to hold her grandbaby, & I cried saying "its already been an hour?, shes growing up so fast!" - I def think emotions are worse after pregnancy!

After, that hour we found that our beautiful baby was 7lbs 5 oz & 21 1/2 in long.

my photographer missed the birth by 7 mins, but got these beautiful shots of after the birth. The photos are as always by Jess at J3Designz.