Monday, June 22, 2009

Can These People and their Milkshakes just Get A Room Already?

McDonald's "McCafe" (groan) Commercial # 1: Guy puts a huge cup of what looks for all the world like a hot fudge sundae to his lips, takes a sip ( I guess- for all the slow-motion action, he might as well just be pressing his mouth up against the whipped cream and then removing it) and then slowly pulls his head back, with this look of utterly-contented ecstasy on his face. This guy is going nowhere fast, that's clear. It's also clear that at this rate, it's going to take him roughly two hours to consume that milkshake.

(Oh excuse me, it's NOT a milkshake. It's a "Iced Mocha." It's coffee with cream and sugar. Topped with a mountain of whipped cream. Which is topped with chocolate sauce. But it's not a milkshake. Whatever.)

McDonald's "McCafe" Commercial #2: Woman sitting in the drive-thru with her own cup of whipped cream and chocolate sauce Which Is Not a Milkshake delicately and slooooooooowwwly dips her pinkie into the whipped cream and slooooooooowwwly puts it to her lips. Same virtual-orgasm look on her face as the first guy. She slowly leans back- and a long shot of her car reveals that she's in the drive-thru lane. What joy for the next person who wants to just pick up his damned greaseburger and get on with his life, having to wait for the woman in front of him to stop having sex with her damned not-milkshake.

Seriously, unless McDonald's is lacing these "coffees" (please- what are they, 20% coffee?) with something even more addictive than sugar, the reactions of these idiots is just ridiculous. How empty does your life have to be if just the right combination of sugar and caffeine renders you immobile with pleasure like this? Get dates, people.