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Monday, February 25, 2013

A few days ago, I found a headline on an online newspaper,
stating that the Pope Benedict has resigned. I joked with a bunch of colleagues, “Even a Pope has
resigned, when will be our turn?”

I’m not interested in his full story behind the resignation.
Yet, ‘why’ word is crawling in my heart. I can’t think about it, so I can only
try to feel what was actually happening despite the distance and the deceiving message about the ‘reality’
I might receive from the Roman Catholic Church Public Relations department.
Well, if any. Majoring Mass Communiation in Communication school makes me
skeptical about what’s on the news or the things public figure says---simply,
anything from anyone.

A question came up later on. Who’s going to replace him? A
friend on Twitter also joked, ‘whether it’s our President or the Dangdut king, Rhoma.’ Oh I can
tell you, if it ever happens...that is seriously going to be a disaster.
Anyway, such thing won’t happen. Thank God, they’re not Catholics.

Actually, that question also makes wondering. Why should we
have a Pope? One central communication of evangelism? The thing is... the
Catholic churches now have their own regulations and policies. Unlike in the
past, they go with the same rule applied for the whole world. So, do we still
need a Pope? Even now the Catholic churches, based on my personal observation
and experience as my sister is a church activist, they’re going commercial
below the line. The huge difference as creativity to gain more profits will be
competitive, right? They won’t go the same way, then.

Many of them, together with some activists, rely on
donations. Not that weekly donations every churchgoer gives as part of their
service, but it’s kind of personal donations. Mostly, once they know they have
a member who is wealthy they will keep in touch, very often... and well, you
know it yourself already, do you?

Everything I see now are covered with beliefs. People show
their beliefs to grab ‘innocent’ image or even as ‘charismatic’ and ‘reliable’
character. Not so difficult enough for the church to gain some benefactors. In
my early school days, I think this happens only in political realm. Politicians with religious image. Not
anymore. Even the religions have their game. Game of money and thrones.

Therefore, I guess the money and thrones part have shaped
the religions and politics into something adorable and heart-catchy. It’s a
game anyway. You can just come addicted, trying to win it or hitting the highest score, like I did with Super Mario Bros and
Tekken 5 game.

Lately, Jakarta’s vice governor had a discussion with
doctors in town. He stated what it takes to be a doctor. The good one. Then one
doctor stood up saying that he didn't completely agree with him. Saying that it
needs ‘akhlak’ or religious ethics. Ok, what if you got sick very badly, dying...
and the doctor prefers to keep on having his praying rituals? I think I will
end up dead before he finishes his prayer. D’oh?

The vice-gov also explained, which supported my observations
towards religious people back in my high school days, that in the government
many of them are acting religious but that point doesn't contribute on good and
ethical performance. Well, who aren't surprised anyway?

This is not the way I’m not trying to imply that being
agnostic is the best way. It’s the best for me. But I keep my faith personal,
yet I will be open to anyone who wants to know. At least, people aren't lost
about agnosticism or getting me wrong.

Religions are institutions. Created by human. Providing a
pile of rules to ‘find’ and ‘reach’ God. Forming God’s personality. It’s
just... complicated. (Like my love story). If God can’t be seen, how human can
figure out that their (humanly)made rules will work out. Finding God in certain
way, while you won’t be able to see how God might look like, or even feel
whether He is happy with what you do. For something that isn't visuals and only
to talk through heart, I choose to talk to Him from my heart as well. It’s a
media that God PROBABLY prefers to reach us. I said ‘PROBABLY’.

I believe 'to see' is the most greatest gift to enjoy grace,
yet, ‘to feel’ is huge way to seek the truth. Truth is never easy-shaped, like
you draw smiling face on a cookie. The more enormous energy is there to
reached by heart.

Again, today, another media wrote...or most likely to
simplify the vice-govt’s point-of-view. “The religion cannot rule the governance ” it wrote. Religion, in hundreds of pages is limited. I mean the
Bible. No book is perfect. Any bibles. Anyone can think and do wrong. Anyone
can push his own true objectives and matters to public. Just a way of politic
manifesto.

What we lack is...ethics and morality. We forgot about it. Even
the religious say that those two things are points taught in religion.
Something makes me wonder, what about the atheists? What about the religious
tier who has scandals? Nobody’s perfect is your answer? Okay!

I remember the first time I met my best friend who is an
atheist. I was at shock. After years being a Catholic schoolgirl who was very
devoted to Catholicism, the teaching had brainwashed me saying that the being
atheist is wrong. Describing them as someone bad and dangerous. 'Far from God', they say. A story in the Bible of the Samaritan was seemed to be
forgotten. To my surprise, this atheist girl is one of my good friends with
good attitude much better than the religious ones.

It happened to me, after saying that I didn't go to church
for years, someone said “What? Gosh, you’re the lost lamb.” I’m not a lamb, I’m
human! That’s for his surprise.

Not having a religion doesn't reflect whether you’re not a
good guy or vice versa. Can’t say more. I don't know if we can put such situation into Cognitive Dissonance Theory. Simple, the way I see it is... ethics and morality was far from the core of religion in the matter of practice.

Lately, I went to church. YES, I really did. For my
colleague’s wedding. It was a long way gone to Cilandak. The church was cute,
very Indonesian, very Javanese, very down-to-earth. Small and intimate. An example of assimilation of Catholicism to local culture.

The thing was... I kinda miss the moment when I feel awkward
when people who don’t have good enough voice to sing...singing out loud. So
bold with confidence. So awkward when people who are complete strangers to you are
trying to be close to you. In other word, they’re trying to be friendly. As it
was a wedding, I also can’t help that people crying, touched by happiness of
the nuptials. It’s just TOO MUCH. But I miss it. It felt like, I've just came back!

Where was I? Where had I been?

When it came to the priest to say ‘what God has united let
no men separate’. It was still as freaky as it sounded years ago when I first
heard and disagree with it. Whole life in this small room was always be the
same. Like a part of the world who never touches or ever been touched by the
civilization, or in this case, globalization---far from glamour, far from kinky laughter...

...far from modernization. They were still very traditional in fashion, and manner as well. The whole drama of the game was covered by odd peace.

As I stayed there for 2-hour wedding mass, I got to do the
catholic ritual of praying which I already forgot. It’s been 5 years. And I
forgot how to talk through God with exact written text prayers. I forgot what to do before entering the church, what I should say after receiving communion, and what I was intended to do after it. My heart was only talking to
mind. Confused. Recalling my memory---my past with the church.

Just a wedding, it drags me back from the start where I pick up my wake-up-call on God and religion to the moment when I realize I should leave.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

It's kinda late to share the first two mood boosters of mine, but still, as earlier I wrote that I might have a disorder of keeping things unopened. I just opened them in my new year's eve holiday.

First, the nail polish. Well I never like Korean stuff, but my friends said that The Face Shop nail lacquers are good. Just polish onto your nail once and that's it...the colour will come out enough. And, I proved it! But one shot only could result weak result, not so strong, but still... nice. Second shot...it is damn cute. I can't remember the last time being pinky girl after grade school over.

Somehow, when I was going to buy it, there were two choices. One was a bit dusty, my fave of all time, but transparent, and the other one was the one I finally bought, milky pink.

Do you see two color polishes on my thumb?

Secondly, a hair mist! I don't know whether it's an effect of working for a hair magazine. But I found this L'Occitane Rose Hair Mist is awesome. I always love the smell of rose. This invention will help a lot if you haven't found any time to wash your hair. (Err..) Or, you go through a very berry smelly place and you feel that it's gotten into your hair, then, spray the rose magic hair mist! That product seriously makes me feel beautiful!

In January, after I got back from holiday, I found another bookmark! Two years before I bought exactly the same, but it was Eiffel. I remember I had this confusion. Eiffel, dog or puppy's bone toy. I never thought that I might find them again. So, I bought a dog one this year. Cute?