With Mariposa Bop on the lam from the authorities after a multi-million pound diamond heist, and Kitty ‘Indiana’ Petite grappling through the jungles of South America in search of lost gold and buried treasure, it was left to Poppy Liqueur (with a little bit of help from Sirene Fox) to not only make sure the show ran smoothly, but to also keep Driscoll Bleak from causing untold chaos…

Which if you’ve seen him is uh…a tricky conundrum…let alone a workable position.

So without further ado, here he is…

DRISCOLL BLEAK arrives on stage…tall, debonair, top hat, tails, cane, white gloves…has he been at the gin already?

“What sound would you make if I were to take a little bit of my clothing off?”

“Wooooooo!”

“Now what if I whipped my trousers off…but instead of a penis there’s a lizard smoking a pipe!”

Now there’s a thing!

But here’s another:

“It’s my birthday…and what do we do on my birthday?”

Driscoll by JME-PHOTOART

Crowd: [mumble, mumble, mumble] eyes averted…

“I’m going to delve into the opium madness…pander to you panting whims…you are a room of people so bereft of morals that you’ll put your name forward to the candidacy of the President of the United States of America…”

“Ladies and Gentlemen…give your all to…”

OLIVE HOOTERS!

There’s Olive…dark hair and wearing a raincoat, scarf, gloves, and carrying an umbrella…

Olive starts to sing: “Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky…”

Olive Hooters by JME-PHOTOART

The umbrella goes down, the gloves begin to be teased from her wrists and fingers…

Actually dance offs are quite tricky to write, so take a look at this:

Richard by JME-PHOTOARTNess by JME-PHOTOART

MG: It’s like one of 1990s chat back adverts…

But before we can make any more jokes, it’s over…Richard is the winner…

And winner gets…

…A picture of an armadillo!

Well done, Richard…

Driscoll: “Who wants to unzip another gift? This gift comes from the dizzying heights of baroque opulence…straight out of the eighteenth century…”

DEMELZA FOX!

Ooooh, now this is very luscious…classical music, 18th century dress in shimmering blue/green, big sleeves, flower and a feather in her hair…

Cleavage tease! Oh, she’s quick!

Demelza floats around the stage…glorious, breezy…let them eat cake…

Demelza by JME-PHOTOART

Chest tease…dress begins to slowly come off…

The music slows…a little eerie…violin, cello…but then…

Scratching and beats…

Hells bells…

Shirt off! Chest rub! Corset tease! Knickers a go-go and a feathered fan dance to finish the show with a cumulative climax (whatever that is).

Ohhh, sultry…I liked that.

Driscoll: “So let’s see…you’ve had a gift, a cake…shame this next act is an impudent shit…

“Ladies and gentlemen…”

PEARL GREY!

This could be cheeky…Pearl Grey…red dress…and a goose for company.

A goose?

Yes.

She’s Veruca Salt!

Pearl by JME-PHOTOART

Hmmm, this will be cheeky…oh, there’s some audio:

“I want a feast…”

Veruca (we’ll stick with calling that) stomps around madly, she wants, she wants, she wants…

“I want pudding with ice cream…if I don’t get it I’m going to scream…”

“Noooooooo
oo
o
o
ooooo

But wait! Oompa Loompa hand puppets…how devious!

Make a wish…

“Come with me…”

Dress off!

“Ba ba ba ba”

Fucking the goose!

That’s right.

And she’s off…

INTERVAL

Gin!

ACT II

Driscoll: “I’ve had a think about my position as the soul Y chromosome member of the parade of performers this evening…are we ready for more?”

Woohoo!

“My favourite gift the Apothecary gave to me for my birthday…and when I prized open the lid…inside was a ornamental oil lamp…a flame flickered inside…I rubbed it like Arabian nights…and you know what came out?”

SCARLETT LASSOFF!

Scarlet enters the stage…she’s wearing a genie’s lamp…there’s a little bit of smoke…an some music…