Dehumanizing Agony Of Working At Wells Fargo Could Only Be Quelled By Chugging Gallons Of Hand Sanitizer

Being a minion of John Stumpf and Carrie Tolstedt seems to have really sucked.

The ballad of Wells Fargo has been sung for weeks now, but it seems that there are a few crazy verses still out there. Like some of the ones uncovered today by New York Times reporters who interviewed some of Stumpfy's "bad apples" and found horror stories of working in the pressure-filled boiler rooms that were Wells Fargo retail branches.

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Running the gamut from ripping off non-English speakers to convincing clients that they shouldn't travel abroad without a second checking account (the fuck?) all in the service of meeting intensely-monitored sales quotas, former Wells employees regaled the Times with tales of woe that convey a hellish environment fostered from the top down. Some of them are heartbreaking, some are infuriating, and then there's...this one, which starts off strange:

I started to have extreme physical stress-related symptoms as well as random panic attacks. At some point during that summer, the stress was so intense that I could no longer handle the pressure. On the banker’s desk, in the bathroom, behind the teller line and in the vault, the store kept bottles of hand sanitizer.One morning, before meeting with a customer, in which I knew I was going to have to sell unneeded services, I had a severe panic attack. I went to the bathroom and took a drink of some hand sanitizer.

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Turns bizarre:

This immediately reduced my anxiety. From that point, I began drinking the hand sanitizer all over the bank.

And ends tragically:

In late November 2012, I was completely addicted to hand sanitizer and drinking at least a bottle a day during my workday. In December, I was confronted by management about my behavior. I decided to seek treatment and went on leave.The recent news stories have reactivated my memories and P.T.S.D. I am now having nightmares and flashbacks of that time period. It is horrible.

So, in case Tim Sloan was wondering how to gauge the level of morale among rank-and-file Wells Fargo employees, it's at around "Chugging Purell just to feel human."