NewNowNext Awards fashion wrap-up

The inaugural NewNowNext Awards show was a relatively informal and somewhat irreverent affair, much like what the MTV Music Video Awards show was to the Grammy Awards before the MTV Awards show itself morphed into an industry circle jerk a pop culture institution. Until the fledgling NewNowNext Awards show inevitably evolves into an impenetrable dynasty where Cirque du Soleil performs above a tuxedoed audience of thousands, Julie Goldman gives shout-outs to Cristal instead of Bud Light, and the hoi polloi must bribe a bouncer named Rolf just to get a peek past the velvet rope, you can catch its humble beginnings in its entirety here.

Now, what would an awards show – especially a gay awards show — be without some commentary on fashion?

The pre-show included a brief run-down of what people were wearing by host Gloria Bigelow. First, let’s take a gander at gay it-boy Christian Siriano, purveyor of the post-mullet. After going through a short list of gay fashion “don’ts,” which included boys in leggings (especially horrid if your thighs have more meat than a No. 2 pencil, apparently), Mr. Siriano announced that the new trend for this season is satin, pointing gleefully at his own blindingly reflective satin shirt, of course.

Since there is an unspoken rule that one is never to wear an outfit worn to an awards show more than once, what is poor Christian supposed to do with that shirt after the show? No worries. I think I may have a utilitarian purpose for the shirt. If you place that shirt in a satellite dish, it can serve as a solar reflector. You can use it to roast hot dogs or just to burn shit for fun. Now, that’s hot — really hot.

The Dazzle Dancers, whose purpose was to make everyone else look fashionable, appears to have worn the scraps that remained of Beyonce’s 2007 Golden Globes dress after said dress was fed to a pack of pit bulls.

Real life blowup doll Tila Tequila wasn’t able to accept the Most Guiltiest Pleasure Award in person, so the presenters brought in a body double to accept the award on her behalf. Despite being a spitting image of Tila Tequila, her Doppelganger wasn’t as convincing in the fashion department. For one, the outfit borders on demure. Usually, Tila is a walking wardrobe malfunction. The stylist definitely missed the mark on this one.

Meanwhile, the originator of the wardrobe malfunction, Janet Jackson, looked bright, sharp and classy, like a glowing candy cane.

And taking a cue from Tila Tequila’s dancing style, Cyndi Lauper began her performance on her knees and ended up on her back. As she was riding her imaginary upside down stationary bicycle, the audience was able to catch a glimpse of her unorthodox choice in shoes. Cyndi, we love you, but the jury is still out on that one.

The always hilarious Julie Goldman accepted the award for the Brink of Fame: Comic award, and as noted above, she gave a shout-out to Bud Light – but did so while dressed as Sam Adams.

I want to steal that jacket and that belt. (I would like to steal the girl too, but that’s called “kidnapping,” which carries a prison sentence. Since I am not a 1970s Pam Grier character and wouldn’t survive thirty seconds in the slammer, I think I will simply admire from afar.)

Oh, and we all know these two girls below, otherwise known as Hottie No. 3 and Hottie No. 4.

On the right, Bridget McManus is wearing a beautiful dress by designer Sue Wong. On the left, Jill Bennett is wearing a beautiful dress called Bridget McManus.