Just a question to throw out there for anyone. I returned home to try and make it work with my husband of 9 years--one last try mind you.
My problem is that I have no feelings, and I am wondering how to get them back, if they do come back. Am I alone in my thinking here?

Hi larken, it is a hard decision to make but if he wont change towards you then maybe its best for you to move on its hard at first. But after a few weeks you begin to get happier in yourself, feel respectful and think maybe your your dreams will come true.I fyou have heard of my space you can always go in there with a song of yours add it to your profile there are loads of musical ppl in there and managers for bands and singers hey maybe someone will give you a contract. I fyou have the talent i would say use it and don't worry about anything else. You will see a change in your child as well. Evan when you think there not noticing things aren't right they really do.I am saying this from my own experience i was in a violent relationship and I'm single now. I t took allot to get out. But know i see the ways it affected my sons seeing me hit. I am hopefully changing things for the best. I am happier than i was before. My children are now happier and beginning to settle.
well i hope this helps you. i wish i could start my own business in a magazine but i don't know how to go about it loll. H ave a great week

I am in total agreement with you 1 hotmama. Same war story and there is no one to blame but yourself if you do not come to terms with the situation expecially after you've exhausted all the resources in reconciliation. You cannot change anyone but yourself. The previous lie in patterns. I commend you!!

Your doubt may be the answer have you already decided upon, do you need confirmation.
If it as possible,stay but never take abuse from anyone. Maybe he needs to talk to someone in anger management before you start again.
People who fall out of love,were in love for a reason instead of commitment, it is like saying "I want some one who makes me laugh" what happens when they can't make you laugh anymore,do you go looking for the next funny guy or gal. You can never fix another persons problems you can only fix your problems.

Hello:
I am new to this format, but felt an urge to respond to you. I URGE you to GET OUT now! God will take care of you and your son. Get involved with a support group in your area and start squirreling away $$ for your future and take care of yourself. Also, ask if your Lupus may be Sarcoid.
I've been in your shoes; divorced a little over 3 years-the hardest job in the world taking care of 3 demanding high schoolers; however, it was worth leaving an unhealthy situation that was killing me in every way.
Take care. By the way, I have never been happier as far as relationships; finally getting a chance to know ME and pursue amazing dreams; including the possiblility of perhaps marrying again (if a real sweet awesome secure funny etc. guy comes along and takes a chance with me on my adventure in life!)

Larken35 - you don't need counselling - you did what you had to do so that when you do leave him again (and you will) it will be final and in your heart you can say you gave it your all - you just needed to convince yourself of that. Your story sounds like mine and while there are definitely lonely times in my life, I had never felt so alone as I did at the end of my marriage but still married....I'm free and happy and hopefully eyes are wide open but I haven't given up on men so good luck on your journey. This is really about you facing some truths about yourself -what you are willing to sacrifice and what you will not sacrifice. Painful but enlightening.

-----------------------------
I think we deviate about 21st April..three days drifting away ..nothing to do with you..
it is just that when others click in , they will be puzzled why world politics is discussed here..when they expect to see something related to the topic..anyhow, this is as good as any place to air our political insight..

[ A new global economy is going to seriously challenge the old expectations and I wonder if my children will move away someday to find their place.
--------------------------------------BUddhist quotation:

CHANGE is the only constant factor in Life..
certainly more true in this century than the last..the advent of hi-tech and communications means that nothing will stay static..unless we get used to constant change , we will not survive..our children will no longer expect to stay in one career thru their lifespan..because their skills might become defunct or replaced by some machine or other.cheaper source of labour, they will need to continue their education thru life and learn muti-skills to make a living .their expectations too will need to be on a constant float..frightening but thatis already a fact of life..

Ambition and determination go hand in hand..diamonds are made in the harshest of conditions..
America succeeded on the backs of waves of immigrants who went there to find a better life for their posterity..and it remains the land of opportunity for all..as long as that remains the working ethos for free America, a benchmark for other countries to emulate, then America's young and others will thrive competing with the best in the world.
Whilst ambition and determination in the underdeveloped world is the only chance to survival,
in the developed world with vast resources available, it is an opportunity for creativity and blazing new trails and frontiers for a better world..as long as we have the right leaders to spread that ethos embracing others who are less fortunate along the way.
Wastage is inevitable, in the underdeveloped world , human resources are wasted through poverty ,poor education and health..while in the developed world , affluence and overindulgence breed a different type of wastage through abuse..so in the end the balance sheet seems to balance in its organic way..through progression and regression..
As an optimist who has lived in both worlds, I remain hopeful that the young tomorrow in both worlds will find free competition the only way to balance this uneven playing field..survival of the fittest is a living theory.

It's the way of the world, just as mating occurs, culminating in babies.

Thank God that there are people to challenge and inspire each other. In the protectionist angst of the US today, US children are challenged, not knowing how hard everyone else is trying. Everyone else is seeing a global structure and global competition.

Bonnieand Cub are right, but these high achievers may not live in China after graduation. America's middle class youth are much like second generation or third generation millionaire families. Why should they work, they have it made. Even the middle class kids will inherit whatever mom and dad has, and that will be enough for them to get by on. There are exceptions, but that is the general rule. Ameriica does not lack for brains, just ambition. Americal still seems to have the edge in creativity and there are several reasons for that.

I just got back from shanghai and Beijing..the change is modern day Gold rush but telescoped and fast forward at nano speed..so the Shanghai taxi driver is not far off his mark..
My country , a third world island did it in less than 50 years..so as wise chinese saying: 'Determination is the mother of success..'
and China sure has some dedicated determined mums who will steer their only child to great heights..you see them all over top US colleges..the child not the mum..

Wise observation of a Chinese taxi driver I met in Shanghai recently:
'So take a hardboiled egg..politics today is like that egg..the White WEstern power ssurround the yellow yolk..so they are strong..but in the next century..it will be the politics of the raw egg...break that egg, stir it up and what colour is it? Yellow power baby..so watch out for China ..it will invade all aspects of our life...'

China is the only country in the world to limit population growth. If they had not, they would probably have 25 billion people by now instead on 1 billion. At least they had the sense to understand that they could not feed 25 billion or provide housing or a place for all of them to stand.

Now, look at the population growth in Latin America, India, and other areas with similar growth. I guess they will all try to come to North America.