Justin Bieber Can’t Stop Groping Selena Gomez

“What did Michael always tell Usher, ‘Distract them then go in for the squeeze?'”

Here’s Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in Washington D.C. over the weekend where Maplesus Christ was in town to serenade the president (into forming a one world government where maple syrup is the global currency and all must wear the mark of the Beast) and apparently act like a goddamn goose monster in front of America’s historical structures. Well, grabassery might sit well in Canada, but not in front of our most precious dick-shaped monuments. Taste hot Constitution, socialist! *throws Betsy Ross at monitor*