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Topic: Parameters of "I Need a Hug" (Read 16005 times)

I don't care if you need a hug for whatever. Even if it's an external event that doesn't really affect you (although I find it odd). I do think it's more strange to ask for a hug for a "friend of a friend of a cousin whose dog I once saw on the street". Why? Are you going to show the thread to them?

Also, we are also all free to report to the mods any post we find questionable, and they can then make the judgement as to whether or not it should be locked or allowed to continue. If they allow it to stay, it's not up to us to pass judgement that it shouldn't.

I agree.

While I do understand the point of the OP, and I personally have also observed posts that I think are a little attention seeking (not just in the INAH forum for that matter!), I think it comes down to the interaction of many different personalities, not some kind of right vs. wrong way of posting. The problem with trying to be more specific and rigid about "what's allowed" is that it starts to inhibit discussion as people become hesitant to post lest they be censured. If something bothers me, I roll my eyes and move on without posting. If it really, really bothers me, I hit the Report button and explain why it bothers me so much. And then move on.

Also, we are also all free to report to the mods any post we find questionable, and they can then make the judgement as to whether or not it should be locked or allowed to continue. If they allow it to stay, it's not up to us to pass judgement that it shouldn't.

I agree.

While I do understand the point of the OP, and I personally have also observed posts that I think are a little attention seeking (not just in the INAH forum for that matter!), I think it comes down to the interaction of many different personalities, not some kind of right vs. wrong way of posting. The problem with trying to be more specific and rigid about "what's allowed" is that it starts to inhibit discussion as people become hesitant to post lest they be censured. If something bothers me, I roll my eyes and move on without posting. If it really, really bothers me, I hit the Report button and explain why it bothers me so much. And then move on.

and I personally have also observed posts that I think are a little attention seeking (not just in the INAH forum for that matter!),

Yes, the (example) ‘Three loaves of bread on the shelf, I took two. Was I rude?” threads. Then they go on about family members or their job or whatever. Suddenly everything works out and several dozen people pat them on the back.

Pod to Surianne, DottyG and others. Your major tragedy does not make my minor tragedy any less hurtful TO ME. And in all honesty, it's hurtful for you to say so. You (general you) do not get to evaluate what people need a hug for. Maybe I do need a hug for a stubbed toe. Because it's the fifth thing to go wrong in one day and dangit, it was the last straw.

No one is forcing anyone to read anything here. If you don't like it, scroll on by or use the back button.

Pod to Surianne, DottyG and others. Your major tragedy does not make my minor tragedy any less hurtful TO ME. And in all honesty, it's hurtful for you to say so. You (general you) do not get to evaluate what people need a hug for. Maybe I do need a hug for a stubbed toe. Because it's the fifth thing to go wrong in one day and dangit, it was the last straw.

No one is forcing anyone to read anything here. If you don't like it, scroll on by or use the back button.

I don't think anyone is saying people aren't allowed to ask for hugs for anything. My back hurts right now and even though I recognize that it's a first-world problem, it still hurts and I'd certainly love a hug for it. If I were to post in the INAH forum, however, I'd very much choose to place it in the "small hugs!" thread.

It does upset me when there's a separate thread created for an event that ultimately I see as small in the grand scheme of things. To a degree, yes, it's about how much people are affected, and that may seem unfair to rank people like that. At the same time, no one can deny that there is a strong, palpable difference between "my back hurts" and "my husband died." They are profoundly different and deserve to be treated as such.

We have a lot of posters who lean on INAH when they have significantly traumatic events happen in their lives. I don't know if that's necessarily healthy or not but when they need posters we're here and we help however we can.

My worry is that when too many threads are focused on smaller things, then less people who want to help will post in that forum. That means there could be a deficiency in posters who want to give hugs, OR (as other posters on this thread have said) posters may feel less inclined to start their own topic because they feel their event is too massive, or traumatic, or something else. And that saddens me.

I'll also add this: when my personal event occurred (a school shooting), the "sympathy" thread that started quickly turned into a political furor, with some people claiming that guns were the cause, and others saying they don't want to send their children to that school. How in the world does that help the situation at all??? That's also why I worry about the trivialization of the forum.

Actually, the general "this bad thing happened and we should send hugs" really does bother me.

Why are strangers going to care about my hugs? Are these strangers really going to know if I gave them hugs? Do I really need to post about it on the Internet, that I gave hugs to strangers (as opposed to sending good thoughts privately and off-line)? Are these strangers *really* going to feel better because I sent hugs via the Internet, on an etiquette site? To me, its pointless and just screams slacktivism.

I figure, it's sometimes just about the need to do something. You know you can't personally help the victims of something, for example, and it's frustrating and makes you sad and angry. Posting about it and wanting some sympathy is at least something and it might make you feel better and I'm not going to pass judgement on what that is for somebody who is not myself.

Generally, there *are* tangible things we can do to help. One example I saw today - wearing a marathon shirt in solidarity or support or something - seems less productive than donating $20 to the Red Cross.

While I find some threads a little baffling, I think that's largely because I don't personally ascribe to a philosophy that involves prayers or good thoughts themselves doing anything. So to me 'my best friend is sick, and I'm really upset' makes absolute sense as a post, but 'hugs for my friend' doesn't, unless they are showing the thread to their friend.

Is it bad that I "heard" the OP in Sheldon Cooper's voice? Admittedly, I have been catching up on Big Bang Theory lately, so..

Anyway, I agree that many of the posts in the hugs forum seem trivial or attention-seeking, but I think putting parameters on it is unnecessary. I don't post in threads that I don't really feel drawn to offer support. And I don't read the ones whose title leads me to believe that it's trivial or attention seeking.

Pod to Surianne, DottyG and others. Your major tragedy does not make my minor tragedy any less hurtful TO ME. And in all honesty, it's hurtful for you to say so. You (general you) do not get to evaluate what people need a hug for. Maybe I do need a hug for a stubbed toe. Because it's the fifth thing to go wrong in one day and dangit, it was the last straw.

No one is forcing anyone to read anything here. If you don't like it, scroll on by or use the back button.

I don't think anyone is saying people aren't allowed to ask for hugs for anything. My back hurts right now and even though I recognize that it's a first-world problem, it still hurts and I'd certainly love a hug for it. If I were to post in the INAH forum, however, I'd very much choose to place it in the "small hugs!" thread.

It does upset me when there's a separate thread created for an event that ultimately I see as small in the grand scheme of things. To a degree, yes, it's about how much people are affected, and that may seem unfair to rank people like that. At the same time, no one can deny that there is a strong, palpable difference between "my back hurts" and "my husband died." They are profoundly different and deserve to be treated as such.

We have a lot of posters who lean on INAH when they have significantly traumatic events happen in their lives. I don't know if that's necessarily healthy or not but when they need posters we're here and we help however we can.

My worry is that when too many threads are focused on smaller things, then less people who want to help will post in that forum. That means there could be a deficiency in posters who want to give hugs, OR (as other posters on this thread have said) posters may feel less inclined to start their own topic because they feel their event is too massive, or traumatic, or something else. And that saddens me.

I'll also add this: when my personal event occurred (a school shooting), the "sympathy" thread that started quickly turned into a political furor, with some people claiming that guns were the cause, and others saying they don't want to send their children to that school. How in the world does that help the situation at all??? That's also why I worry about the trivialization of the forum.

If you want to limit your own posts of a 'trivial' nature to the small hugs thread, that is of course your perogative. However, it is inappropriate to use one's own sense of propriety to attempt to police how others post. (Not saying that you personally were doing that, but the OP seemed to be)

Really? It seemed to me that the OP was prompting a usefull discussion. None of us (barring mods/administrators) have any right to make "rules" for this forum, but discussing this sort of thing can lead to a better, more productive forum. It seems many of the posters find the more "attention-seeking" posts offputting, and would also like to see greater utilization of the "small hugs" thread.

That's not a mandate. That's not policing.

I guess I don't understand the hostility against the simple idea of a civil discussion about it.

I agree, where is this hostility coming from? And why are people misrepresenting my original post? Is it a reading comprehension issue or just simply an error due to quickly skimming the post? I'm often guilty of the latter. In any event, I'm not sure where the idea came from that I wanted any rules on such postings. No such position was ever stated in my post. To the contrary, I just asked if there were existing parameters on INAH and provided several questions for purposes of discussion in order to flesh out any existing rules. I never stated I wanted any rules. I'm also not sure why so many posted with a response that stated to just skip such posts.... particularly where that issue was addressed in my original post. I've enjoyed the discussion so far and it has given me a greater understanding of, and appreciation for, the "small hugs" thread.