Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.Henny Youngman~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rejected Hallmark Cards

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:... -- What was I thinking?"

"How could two people as beautiful as you.... -- have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love... -- After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life... -- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... -- that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me... -- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!... -- I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. -- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married... -- but not to you."

"You look great for your age... -- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me... -- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend... -- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time... -- What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you... -- It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy... -- Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... -- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

Those were rejected? Some of those were great!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get Out Of The Car

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ImmortalityI recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, ballooning, or rock climbing ?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"

"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why the heck do you care if you live to be 80?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Happy TGIF, or Monday if you're a poor transplanted Texan in SE Oklacomatose.

Existing in this state does have it's advantages though.

I can sleep through the next three work days and no one will even notice.

They're quite used to me sleeping on the job, after almost 5 years of it.

It's actually the reason I have to take sleeping pills when I go to bed at home.

OH YES! Thank God for sleeping pills. My other way to get to sleep was giving me too many concussions.

The callouses were getting so thick on my forehead I was starting to look like a unicorn.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (05/03/1312:00 AM)

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe how about some meditation to help you sleep! Ana good luck with your projects. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn I ready for that coffee. Thanks. Wishing All a great day!

Joe, Baby needs the vet. When my boys got into a scuffle with the raccoon they had to get a booster rabies and a deep cleaning of the wound. I am surprised the Opossum didn't faint. They just drop over in my yard when I let the dogs out. Maybe because my dogs are bigger?

Another gray day here. I'll be off to the park in a second to try to beat the rain with the doggies. Boys will be here 3ish. Son will race from work to home to trade cars, and then meet ex and then back here.

The wee ones were so cute at soccer last night. Most of them are pretty clueless though there was one dad putting a lot of pressure on his 5 year old

I'll be starting a new audiobook for walking today. Finished The Spy yesterday...great book to walk by. I think I'll start Hard Magic today. I've never read this guy so we shall see.

I need to barricade myself in my bedroom and read. I had 5 books on hold at the library and I was way down the list on all of them. Well, in the last 2 days they have all popped. You have to pick them up within 48 hours of notification and you can only keep them for 2 weeks. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem but with daughter coming into town for the week next week, my reading time will be scarce. Cleaning must happen!

Joe, I'm with Ana...there is no telling what kind of infection Baby could have brewing from that fight. Silly dog! I hope she has learned her lesson too, but I wouldn't count on it.

Did I tell you my possum story? When I was a teen, I came home from school to find my German Shephard proudly carrying a possum all around the back yard. Now, you have to remember that I cried hysterically when my mom killed a lizard in the house, and had a funeral for it....so my dog with a dead thing in his mouth was not a good sight for me. I couldn't make myself go out and get it, so I called my dad to come home From Work and get it before my dog ate it.

My poor dad comes home, goes out back, and then comes in with the dead possum swinging from it's tail. So I get more hysterical. And then he puts it's front feet on the ground and the Dead Possum wakes up and starts walking off. No holes, no blood. It truly had been "playing possum" for at least 45 minutes, and who knows how long before I saw it.

Ana, I hope you get to your Funk class and have a great time. I have faith that you will have the energy.

Haroula, how is your day?

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. Is the park open yet?

Gerry, anything fun happening?

Gail, happy shopping

Woot Sharon, so glad you are feeling better. I know your kitty will be so happy to have you home. Who is taking care of her now?

Darlene, Happy skooshing!

See ya when I get back from the park

Edited by looney4labs (05/03/1311:15 AM)

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

I love my possums. This year no babies appearing yet, but the older huge ones (probably mom and dad) were around until a few weeks ago. Now there is a 'juvenile' skinny, not too brave one feeding. I'm thinking the big guys are 'tending to newborns' and will be back soon to scare away the juvenile, who is probably from last year's litter. Oh so ugly but oh so cute.

HOT here today, but it is so nice. Humidity is 3%. Yep, 3%! Bad for fire danger but awesome for comfy day. Hot but sea breeze and low humidity makes you feel like you are wrapped in a warm towel after a shower. Ahhhhhhh!

Beautiful day today and rolling into an even better weekend. This will be our first taste of really nice sunny and warm weather in Seattle for this year. Expect lots of fish-belly white people out trying to get the start to a tan...not a pretty sight.

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BobBe kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

I love the possum stories. That is so funny L4L...can just picture it!! I was once walking over to my Mother's and as I came out of the woods, there was a possum sitting on his haunches eating salal berries and he was actually making slurpy nom-nom noises. I surprised him and it was so funny as he looked at me and slowly fell over on his side with a slight snarl on his lips. I told him I knew he was faking it and he could leave and he did just that. It was probably the sound of my voice but ...funny moment. Hope everyone is having a great day and Happy Gaming!!

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LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.