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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Dating Smart.

Everyone has a friend that seems to end up dating women who make you think of that evolutionary chart of mankind, but in reverse. Every time they bring home a new girl, she is even worse than the last one. Its like tuning into watch a professional athlete and take interest in his career just after he hit his peak and is plummeting to earth. No words can do justice to describe to you some of the ham-fisted hog beasts for personalities I have seen cast their shadow across some friendships, bank accounts and lives. They are not all hideous in appearance, by their mind and personality are a first class trip into a Lovecraftian* nightmare of inferiority complexes and control issues.

(* I have no idea who Lovecraft is other than some trippy horror writer, but fuck it, if you do then there's some literary referential humor for you.)

But what drives men to date poorly? Many a Cosmo writer would claim these guys just don't understand the game of dating. Ah, great dating is now apparently a game. No one takes games seriously, except for professional players. But hey when's the last time you heard about someone being a professional dater, using relationships for fun, wealth, favors and even fame....

"If I hear one more question about who the father is I'll just DIE!"

Back to our regulary scheduled program.... Do I think there are some guys out there who have a snowballs chance in hell of getting a date. Sure, but I'm willing to bet a lot more guys run into constant frustration with the fact that a lot of women are not all sugar and spice. I believe a lot of guys just run into a lot of women enjoy being bitches, drama queens or are just fucking clueless about how to treat other people. Then you hear about the popular myth that a woman will not tell a guy she is not interested because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Though this is a whole other post all together simply put, when a guy hears "No" he knows to move on and not waste time. Women that do this either are not mature, or like keeping around a "Plan B." But right there you can see there is enough crap like that out there to discourage a guy from wanting to date and meet people.*

(* People meaning women, we know plenty of other guys, and no we do not want to meet a woman's guy friends and hang out as one big sausage fest.)

Dating smart is huge these days because so many taboos have been shattered by in Western culture that almost anything goes. Actually is should rephrase that, many taboos have been shattered for women. A woman can justify dating multiple men because she has the right to look around. But if a man dates around and a woman finds out about it and all of a sudden your that bastard they saw on the Lifetime daytime TV movie who left his crippled blind wife and 3 retarded children for her sister...

Then there is the whole idea of standards, which is fine. But then there are the little "tests" women like to put a potential date through. I liken these little tests to those used to prove witchcraft, there fucking retarded and jury rigged like a carnival game.

But fear not guys I'm here to help you cut through the crap......

My Smart Dating Tips:

Quantity does not equal quality, but you have to go through a quantity of assholes to find the quality.

Knowledge is power, if your friends know something that might raise a red flag or get her to raise her skirt use it.

Confidence is key, you can fake it or you can have it based upon something you have or do. Like your mastery of carpentry or the fact you know you have other women date if this one doesn't work out.

No means no, maybe means no, and yes is a definate maybe.

Never call more than 3 times in a day, and even 3 is a lot. Seriously what the fuck do you have to talk about that requires three different conversations. While we are on it, never spend more than a minute on the phone say what you have to say.

Compliments should be used sparringly and should never be over the top. If you think like you sound like some guy out of a date movie you are a souless cheeseball.

Once you leave a message its on her to call you back, you do not keep calling back, you are not desperate.

One night stands require game and the whole comfort barrier thing has to come down fast so play your hand accordingly. While the whole normal dating process revolves around developing a rapport over time. However both involve timing, which you should be aware of.

You can care, just not that much.

Never be afraid to stop dating someone or end a date early because she is an awful date.

Never submit to games or tests, let the quantity of women out there work against the ones who want to "epic quests." Date other women and let the bitches on the high horses feet get cold in the corner.

Listen to understand, not to talk back.

If your "spider sense" is tingling and you think your date is a bad bitch, trust that little voice that warns you about danger, like sticking your dick in a door jamb and shutting the door.

Don't date to date, or to please other people. This is the best way to have negative experiences.

Have your own set of standards and stick to them. No free passes no exceptions.

Burn bridges when you are done dating, make sure they know there is no second time around. Trust me your santiy will thank you later.

Dating is a game, but it has to be a win-win game. Because if someone feels like they have lost they are going to want to do something to make them feel like they have turned the tables on you.

Date lots of women, and always pack a condom. Never ever trust a woman you have just started to fuck to be on the pill or have condoms of her own for you.

Never be afraid to let go of the rope, the more you pull the more someone will pull back and you will get nowhere. Drop the rope and they will move closer to you, without the effort.