Hawaiian-born Seth, the twenty-year-old son ofthe photogenic former pro Tony Moniz, took his heat with Evan Geiselman into the cosmos with a backside jump that looked like a kiteboarder getting hung in the wind.

“He’s on! He’s on! He’s on!” said the commentator Peter Mel.

“That was… that was some superhero stuff right there,” said Strider Wasilewski.

Easy-to-love: Australia’s $10-million “Gold Medal Factory!”

Injection of government millions guarantees Australia surf gold in Tokyo!

Whatever you think of bureaucracies like Surfing Australia (and I’m looking square at you Maurice Cole), you gotta hand it to ’em: they sure do know how to squeeze shekels out of every tier of government.

Last week, Surfing Australia unveiled the seven-million dollar renovation of its pre-existing facility at Casuarina, half-an-hour or so from Byron Bay. The state government gifted three mill, the federal government two-and-a-half mill and Surfing Australia covered the final five hundred gees.

The joint has more foam pits, trampolines, climbing walls, skate ramps and so on than before, as well as underground parking, a boardroom, 100-seat auditorium etc.

As reported by tabloid The Sunday Telegraph,

And here it is: Australian surfing’s first-ever factory for Olympic gold medals.

The 4000 square metre, state-of-the-art centre for high performance will be used to coach Australia’s current world champions including Stephanie Gilmore and Tyler Wright.

Every day the new home of surfing excellence will be used to motivate the next wave of rookies towards the sport’s Olympic debut at the 2020 Tokyo games.

“We’re one step ahead of the rest of the surfing world, because I don’t know of any other surfing nation with a facility like this,’’ Mark Occhilupo, the 1999 world champion, said.

“This is incredible – the timing of this centre is perfect, with the coaches we have at Surfing Australia, I can’t see why we won’t win an Olympic gold medal,’’ Parkinson said. “To walk in this building and see an Australian Olympic gold medal would be an amazing feat.’’

It’s not producing anything except salaries for the people at the top. They’re more interested in having shitty contests every weekend in every part of Australia.

But when do kids learn to surf? To really surf?

Meanwhile, the French kids, the Hawaiian kids, they’re out there charging. Killian Guerin just surfed Waimea. He’s fourteen. These kids can all surf top-to-bottom barrels no matter where. By the time they get to the WQS they’re ready to graduate to the WCT.

Surfing Australia, I feel, is a mediocre bureaucracy that produces mediocrity. We have some of the best free surfers in the world, Ando, Creed, Noa and we have that in bucketloads, but for the competitive kid, all they get prepared for is years and years on the QS.

Right now is the lowest Australian competitive surfing has ever been and the Olympics are coming up. God knows how we’ll go. Normally, I’d say Australia is odds-on for a medal but I fucking doubt it. We don’t have the depth of surfers. But we have all the infrastructure, all the academies, the six-million-dollar high-performance centre, all the bureaucracies.

Why has Brazil produced all these amazing, hungry surfers? Not because they have more talent. They do a few local contests, do the ISA, world pro juniors then they’re straight onto the WQS. We dick around for another two years, hold onto ‘em until they’re twenty. Meanwhile, teenage Brazilians are spending their winters in Hawaii.

Me?

I don’t think you can buy enough curved-screen televisions and inflatable bags and climbing walls. I mean, look at the best surfers in the world: Dane Reynolds, John John Florence, Filipe Toledo. They’re all products of coaching, yes?

Yes?

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Celebrities like Orlando Bloom (pictured) live the SUP life.

Revealed: SUP participation smashes surfing!

And do you think when billionaire Dirk Ziff, who received much of his wealth from a publishing magnate father, decided to buy professional surfing that his investment advisors said, “Yes. Growth industry. Buy low, sell high.” Or do you think they said, “Hold on, Mr. Ziff. You enjoy stand-up paddleboarding like many other fabulously fit middle-aged men. Should we not invest there instead?”

Investment advisors are usually wise this way, cutting through passions and relying on hard data to make decisions. Mr. Ziff might have done well to heed their advice as I was forwarded a top secret document today from a helpful whistleblower. It details participation in various outdoor activities, from hunting to rafting to surfing to SUPing and shall we look together?

Well hmmmm. There appears to be around 2,000,000 surfers in the world, give or take, and the numbers remain relatively static. SUP, on the other hand, was introduced to the world in 2010 and boasted an initial 1,000,000 participants. That number more than doubled four short years later, shooting SUP enthusiasts ahead of traditional surfers.

The favorite other activity of The Inertia editorial board (besides being involuntarily celibate) continued unabated growth at a clip of 60% while surfing, again, has remained relatively static. Today, more than half a million people prefer the standup to the surf.

Does this surprise you? Do you think there is a SUP bubble that will soon burst? Do you think Dirk Ziff is angrily pacing his office floor yelling invectives at employees about “this fucking World Shit League!”

Or are these numbers damned lies?

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Punchy Adriano gets surprising altitude on one-footers!

Day 4, US Open: “Adriano (Metaphorically) Punches Kolohe in the Mouth for Wearing White Wetsuit!

An ever-so-slight uptick in the surf was noticeable in propelling day four of the US Open through round three and into round four.

That extra trace of swell practically pushed into the overhead range for most of the field in heat one. De Souza, Kobayashi, and Asing couldn’t help but make the surf look bigger than it was while Yago Dora got looser than the lot of ‘em for 12 points in what remained waist high surf.

Post-heat, Yago prophetically quipped that “I hope the waves will get a little better, but I don’t think they will.”

Adriano advanced second as Kobayashi predictably got sent packing after a busy twelve-wave effort. Sans jerseys, it woulda been a tall order to differentiate between de Souza, Asing, and Kobayashi, the three micro regular-footers veritably indistinguishable in every way other than their sticker jobs. And speaking of sticker jobs…

Wonder-boy Peterson Crisanto flashed a naked nose at the world after blasting an 8.3 that bested half the day’s heat totals. Upon banking the day’s high wave and second-highest heat total (14.40), Crisanto clarified that he’s basically sponsored by the good homies Filipe — who’s spotting him a board and letting him crash at his pad — and Pupo, who handily won heat six. Biggest shocker was hearing Crisanto’s suave baritone-bordering-on-bass voice in the post-heat, though. Not a very big guy, but the pipes and air style would lead you to believe otherwise. Thanks to that classic tail-high nosepick reverse that broke the QS criteria ten years ago, Jadson Andre — and the best hairline in pro surfing — took second.

And you know who else took second…

Italo and MRod, surprisingly. Both dudes were flying high, but ten-year QS vet Tanner Hendrickson checked Italo in Heat seven with the day’s high total (14.50) while Cooper Chapman bested Rodrigues, Matt Banting, and Ethan Ewing in heat nine. In a heat that saw first and last divided by .87, Banting and Ewing were sent packing after several minutes of Strider confusedly using the two guys’ names interchangeably and seemed to forget if and when they were ever on the CT. Strider did however remind viewers that he won the 1984 under-12 U.S. championship.

Speaking of overscored backside waves and forgettable guys who used to be on tour, Dion Atkinson took heat four with a coupla backside snaps. He later commented that “I could surf my backhand all day, I don’t think I’ll fall off anytime soon.” Funny, because after some of the airshow heats yesterday I contemplated putting this in the day three writeup: “Given the current potential for almost any heat to turn into an airshow, it’s unthinkable that a perma-grounded rail surfer could advance beyond the early rounds of a QS10000, much less ever make it onto the world tour.”

And then today Atkinson advanced to round four firmly stuck to his board. He also might realistically requalify, showing that either I’m a fucking moron or there’s still something amiss about the judging system. Elsewhere in the world of questions of “why the fuck…”

Why the fuck can’t a Peruvian surfer qualify for the Men’s CT? They got the waves, they got the history, and they got guys in the QS10000 draws, but Peru just can’t get a dude on tour in spite of their national love affair with second-rate ISA team events. Limeño Lucca Mesinas, who won the QS1000 Acapulco and Barbados comps, got served by Kolohe and Griffin in round three, further postponing the Peruvian national fantasy of men’s CT qualification.

As for the San Clemente boys, both would take second in round four, Kolohe advancing behind Adriano, who set out to metaphorically punch Andino in the mouth for wearing a white wetsuit. We all know that the last dude to really get away with wearing a white wettie had 11 world titles… Kolohe? He has one world title less than Adriano. Colapinto also advanced to round five behind Reef Heazlewood. And honestly, that’s the real storyline of the day…

Nineteen-year-old Reef Heazlewood went from teenage wildcard to round 5, besting current CT competitors Colapinto and Dora in Round 4. New kid’s on fire and he gets a chance to knock off Andino at some point tomorrow.

Check back, cuz when there’s a dead horse and a man has a stick, there’s a moral obligation.

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Business: Surfline’s US hegemony cracking?

If you live in the United States of America and enjoy either actively or passively checking the surf then, for years, Surfline has been your source. Oh it is a semi-helpful website featuring almost-scientific surf forecasts though does fall squarely in with the squares re. editorial content. Its editor-in-chief, Marcus Sanders, is one of the best and brightest in the game but I would imagine his hopes and dreams are severely curtailed by an aggressively conservative corporate worldview that finds drugs bad, sex worse and slaveryan underutilized production tool.

It is also the official wave forecasting tool of the World Surf League and, as an extension, Michelob Ultra beer.

In any case, Surfline has enjoyed a near monopoly on computerized surf checking since its inception but is all about to change? Recently, the website stopped offering little 15 second snippets of surf camera action at select beaches for free and has slid the entire surf check offering behind a paywall. All fine and good but does it leave the door open for competitors?

A new, exciting partnership in Australia suggests yes and let’s read about Nick Carroll’s Coastalwatch and the behemoth Fox Sports.

Fox Sports has announced a new partnership with Australia’s leading provider of surf cams, Coastalwatch, which will deliver users free access to their Surf Check app for the first time with over 100 live streams from Australia’s most popular surfing spots.

The landmark deal, which gives Fox Sports and MCN exclusive commercial rights to the app through advertising and sponsorship space, is set to solidify the network’s already strong relationship with surfing.

Under the relaunched app, which is now available on both iOS and android smartphones, Foxtel will be able to market directly to a large body of prospective subscribers, with the popular surfing app having amassed over 500,000 downloads since its creation.

Fox Sports’ head of digital Brad Schultz said: “Surfing has always been a part of Fox Sports’ DNA and we’re delighted to partner with Australia’s most popular surfing platform.

“Coastalwatch already has over 3.6 million unique visitors logging in every year, and Fox Sports will now provide access to more surfers, with the app now free to download.

“Surfing and sport go hand-in-hand in Australian culture. The focus of this partnership is to grow the sport, and to explore ways to tap into Coastalwatch’s engaged audience to grow Foxtel.”

See what I’m getting at here? Surfers checking the surf, and checking it multiple times a day, and checking it when they are not near the surf or able to surf or even caring about what’s happening in the surf is a guarantee. I don’t know how valuable these eyeballs are but they could be good for padding a bottom line of unique viewers.

So, what if ESPN or Fake News CNN or the Failing New York Times or some other actual media property decided to offer free surf cams in exchange for clicks? I don’t think surfers have any real allegiance to Surfline’s product and I think they would flee in droves thereby tanking the website and 35% of Huntington Beach’s office rental economy.

But what do you think? Has abject greed clouded Surfline’s vision? Will it soon go the way of Standard Oil?