Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent scandal involving the Vatican Bank is just what the Church freaking needs right now. The report also goes on to reveal that Catholics from the age of reason all the way to those on the brink of death all believe that nothing better could have happened to the Church established by Christ, just as it was trying to avoid yet another freaking scandal. The Vatican has said in a statement regarding the scandal that the Vatican Bank’s director Paolo Cipriani and his deputy, Massimo Tulli, have stepped down “in the best interest of the institute and the Holy See,” and going on to say that the scandal was great news…just great.” One Vatican insider told the press that those in the Holy See were eagerly anticipating the next scandal, saying “Oh, yeah…this’ great! Wonderful news! Hopefully, by the time I wake up tomorrow, I’ll hear that a priest has fathered children or something. At press time, Pope Francis has tweeted about the scandal, saying, “Honestly…where the hell do we hire these people from? #FrancisResignationComing.