Raphael Orlove

Ever since VW threw out "Fahrvergnügen" in 1990, us Amis have been a little obsessed with weird sounding German car words. Doppelkupplungsgetriebe anyone?[jump]

Another great German word is Faszination, which is something a bit closer to ‘obsession' or ‘fetish' than just fascination. You might have heard it first on this epic Ruf Yellowbird "Faszination Nürburgring" video but mustachio'd PR guys have been saying it a lot around Munich and Stuttgart for a while.

Since we're talking about aviary transmissions, I'd say that there has to be at least two pigeons per gear in order to ensure the proper amount of pecking.

So, since the American ForTwo has the five-speed, there are ten pigeons. However, competition models have utilized transmissions with 1.75 more pigeons to each gear in order to wring out as much performance (poop) as possible. In the Jeremy Clarkson philosophy, more pecking = more powah.

I'd also like to mention that while Smart vehicles appear to be small enough to park in pigeon coops, it is something strongly advised against.

How do the feathers affect the synchros? Have they tried doves? If pecking is their goal then perhaps a more efficient bird, such as a woodpecker (also, funniest bird name other than the boobie) would be a beneficial swap.

Also, are these pigeons locally sourced per domestic market (if so, there are more than 200 varieties of pigeons, how does this impact reliability)? There are more questions than answers here!

Feathers are only a problem if they get ruffled. Your fluid should be viscous enough to keep them matted.

Doves are too expensive for mass production, and the benefit of using woodpeckers only shines in the top end, which is the complete antithesis of these small, city-oriented vehicles. There are examples of woodpecker transmissions out there, but they're all custom built by drag-racers looking to get their Smarts to truly hustle down the 1320. Thus, pigeons are the best for a blend of reliability and cost-efficiency.

The pigeons come from various large cities across Europe, and as with any kind of parts, the location from where it comes must be taken into consideration. Pigeons pilfered from Paris are not going to be the same quality as say, pigeons from Zagreb. Something in the foods that the birds eat plays a major factor in this.

These are Smart cars, so I would imagine that the Deutsche models probably use a variant of Verkehrtflügelfarbentaube (Verkehrtflügelfarbentaubedoppelkupplung? I didn't feel like figuring out how to write it for a ten pigeon configuration).

Additionally, the Exhibition Flying Tippler already seems named for this duty. This is complicated.