When my three children were young teens and tweens, I wrote something for them and put it in a cheap plastic photo frame next to their beds as a reminder of their responsibilities in life. Whether they read it often, or understood it completely, was not something I could control… but it was there for them to contemplate or to ask questions about if they chose to do so.

I really don’t remember being asked any questions, so I hope there was contemplation at least. The important thing to know is they all grew up with the values for which their mother and I had hoped.

To have growth requires trying new things, facing your fears, and calculating the risks given the potential growth and rewards. If you rarely fail, then you rarely put forth much effort.

If you want Responsibility, you must be responsible.

Everyone deserves a chance at responsibility. But when you get it, you better not mess it up because it will take a long time to get trust back!

If you want Commitment, you must be involved.

You must show you care for your mission or goal if you expect anyone to be committed to helping or serving you.

If you want Achievement, you must have goals.

If you had a plan called a ‘ladder’ and achievement was reaching the ‘top’ of a ladder, then each ‘rung ‘of the ladder is a succession of goals. You cannot have achievement without goals, and very rarely without a plan!

If you want Success, you must have persistence.

Easily reaching a goal is not much of a success. Success usually involves failures, missteps and hard work. Surviving through all of that requires persistence!

If you want Control, you must plan.

Back to the plan, symbolized by a ladder above. You cannot control your ascent or descent without a plan. The plan may not always work, but you can adjust from a known issue (e. g. get a better ladder) instead of experiencing chaos.

If you want Rewards, you must provide effort.

You may win the lottery, and that’s great, but you provided no effort and that is not a reward. The most enjoyable things that come to you in this world are those for which you have struggled to obtain.

If you want to Be Liked, you must like yourself.

If you don’t like yourself, you likely need help. But first help yourself by being kind to others, allowing that act to be reflected back to you. When that happens, you will like yourself. Be first! Like and be liked.

If you want Love, you must be patient.

Don’t confuse 'like' or 'infatuation' with love. Be cautious, wary, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Live a life of independence before looking for true love.

If you want a Challenge, you must dare to improve.

You can challenge someone in darts or arm-wrestling. That’s fun! But real challenges involve improving yourself or helping someone who needs help. Again, don’t settle for less than you deserve. But if you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t deserve much.

Summary

There it is. My ‘X’s and ‘Y’s. This time I didn’t wait for questions… I just answered the basic question of “what do you mean?” Of course, there are many ways to answer these “Ifs”. It’s the ideas, ruminations and discussions that are important!

Be a provider to your children, be a source of love, but also a be a mentor.