Seemingly Out of Ctrl.

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I have been reading a lot of blogs lately. Reaching out my bloggy tentacles to try and expand my mind and get to know my fellow bloggers. (Better Off Dead, “He put his testicles all over me. TESTICLES? You know, octopus… OH you mean tentacles.”)

MEYERRRRRRRR

Did you see what happened there? Off the rails in the first paragraph. I do believe I have WADHD. Writing Attention Deficit Disorder. Pronounced, Wahhhhduh.

Anywho, I have so many things in my head. I want to blog about all of the things. When I try and focus on one thing it seems dull and unappealing. Like David Hasselhoff’s little toe. I mean who cares about that?!?!

But the ideas keep coming and flowing in a breakneck speed. Dare I say, manic speed.

Here’s a little glimpse. I am just going to type it out as it comes. I can feel my 12 readers going to 2 as we speak…

PS. Going to put random pictures in this list. Seems like it will make it more interesting. They are not cohesive. Don’t try and figure out what it all means.

How am I going to spend three months every day with my kids, when the most time I have spent with them in a row is a week?

Am I going to be able to handle Domesticity? How is that a word? No red squiggly it must be a word. I am a genius.

Buzzfeed, how do you lure me in with your cutesy posts. CONSTANTLY.

Food Network and the Cooking Channel, why do I watch you? You make me hungry and sad and I can’t make the fabulousness. Cheddar crust. REALLY???? Red Chili Honey?? Give me a fucking break.

I actually, purposefully searched Penguins in Sweaters. I may be insane.

NPR Short Fiction contest – how is there already a deadline. This is too much pressure. But I can’t not submit because that is lame bullshit. IT IS ONLY 600 words. I have already typed like 700. Ok, I just looked down and it is 265 but it feels like a ton.

I hate my current wordpress theme. Loved it, now hate it. Looks like a 1988 portfolio that a sad unemployed business man carried around.

Will my 17 readers recognize me if I change it?!?! <—–Recognizes this is insanity.

Short timer’s disease – It is a disease and I have caught it at work. I can’t wait to get the fuck out. So much so, I spend as little time at my desk as possible. I have work herpes.

Why do cleaning product commercials only show women cleaning?

I love your bracelet…

How will those three women kept captive in Cleveland ever feel normal again?

How is there that much evil in the world, in ONE person?

How do I protect my kids from that kind of evil? That goes beyond stranger danger.

Am I going to weigh 341 lbs from not working and eating, cooking, baking, constantly?