Political Humor

As the world watched the last U.S. combat troops cross over the Iraqi border into Kuwait; one could easily be inclined to contemplate on what, by today’s standards, constitutes a failed presidency, since the Obama administration has been tagged with that label regularly.

On the eighth day of Christmas the dummies gave to me
Eight Malkins clucking,
Seven Puppets writing,
Six Newts a laying,
Five Death Panels ,
Four Blackboard Truths,
Three Fox & Friends,
Two Suckers Koch,
And a secular socialist presidency.

Former pretend Republican Presidential Candidate, Herman Cain, whose nascent campaign went down in flames following every single woman he came on contact with coming forward with claims of sexual harassment, recently decided that being a semi-literate pizza hawker and sleazy creeper might have not been presidential prerequisites but rather worthy of Defense Secretary.

Lowe’s Home Improvement Store has received a lot of flack for pulling advertisements on the show called, ‘All-American Muslim,’ which follows the lives of several real American citizens who, while they aren’t praying to Allah, go to school, do laundry, discuss marital problems, go to work, support the economy…you know, the things that you and I do.

Christmas is a time where Fox News and right-wing christofascists take time out of their hating the middle class, poor, and gays schedules and feign outrage over a supposed sinister ‘War on Christmas’ being waged by godless liberals. It’s a joyous occasion!

I loved hearing all those audience members cheer Governor Perry’s executions of U.S. citizens, some possibly innocent, in Texas. It makes our drone attacks seem downright humane. And Ron Paul’s comments about people on their death bed and Tea Party support for death panels bolsters national support for the health care plan we passed in 2009. I appreciate it Representative Paul.

I watched Mitt Romney offer a bet of $10,000 that he wasn’t out of touch with the common man, while the Republican crowd cheered the idea of child labor, and I reflected for about the thousandth time that the GOP debates were probably the best thing Obama could have hoped for, for the 2012 campaign.

As the girl with the Jewish father (even before being Jewish was cool), Protestant(ish) mother and agnostic beliefs, I’m used to getting left out. But you’d think this War on Christmas would be right up my alley, right? Every day, my breath is bated, waiting for my recruitment papers. But alas, nothing.

After watching many of these Republican debates, one reccurring theme just keeps instituting itself, and that theme is the vast hypocrisy that lies between what conservatives say on one hand versus what they will turn around and do on the other, and no one has made this point any better than Newt Gingrich during CNN’s National Security Debate.

Since conservative NASCAR fans seem to think that it’s perfectly fine to disrespect the First Lady as she honors the troops, I’ve decided to put together 8 reasons why conservatives would be NASCAR fans.

What Cain needs to understand is the fact that it is not the questionable behavior of the allegations that will totally and ultimately fry his pizza. It will be the elusive actions of Mr. Cain as he tries to outmaneuver the media in hopes of keeping the sorted facts surrounding his questionable behavior all hush-hush.