31 August 2005 at 08:15

15 seconds of popularity

What's going on this week? Are Middle-aged Sensitive Scotsmen the new flavour of the month?

Yesterday hotboy had two fit women leaving comments on one of his posts, and was so flabbergasted that he mixed up their names when replying.

Then this morning I find that 3 attractive women have commented on the mundane post I did last night. It's almost enough to make me feel young again. And I've trumped hotboy. I can only assume that a freak overnight plague has taken the lives of all the clever young male bloggers out there. Whoopee!

It reminds me of when I still lived in Scotland, and a wise woman friend said "move to Australia, the men there are a dead loss, you'll stand out, the women will fall over themselves to get you."

Well she was right in a way. True, your average Aussie male does have some sterling qualities. Toughness, high pain thresholds and alcohol tolerance, tenacity etc., all the things that you'd want in a soldier or bushranger. But he doesn't believe in talking to women, except occasionally as a means to an end. Even these days, your average Aussie party still has all the women crowded at one end talking for hours, and the men huddled around the beer barrel, mumbling embarrassedly until the conversation turns to cricket or footy.

So when I migrated (for other reasons, honest) to Australia I did stand out. I'm a woman's man, I love the company of women1, where you can drop your guard2 and just have fun.

Also, for some reason any guy with a Scots accent has got it made in Australia with the women - by the time I found out about this it was too late to capitalise on it because I was already personacled to a feminist. Pleasantly I should add.

Of course as a soldier or hero I'd be a washout, a self-centred snivelling coward. Everything balances out in the end.

1 - and of men who know how to listen2 - with a few painful exceptions

There's nothing the matter with being girlie and sensitive, Adolf!Aussie women scared me. They used to captain boats and ask you if you were with someone when you were staggering around the barbie. Fortunately, the Victoria Bitter kept me safe! Also, they weren't used to men going around with babies.

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, in California. I cannot tell you how many times I've gone to a bar, chatted up a woman, only to have her stolen by a Scotsman.

So the Scottish accent thing works here as well as it does in Australia. I can't explain it. But its true. Perhaps its the effect of that fucking Braveheart movie. The lasses expect you will lift your kilts and reveal massive talents, or some such thing.

Anyway I've had quite enough of it. I'm going to Scotland (or Ireland) one day. I'll visit for a month or so, and take the accent as my own. I'll keep it for life thereafter.

In these here parts of the world, I think Aussie men are more amourized because of the climate and a certain soap opera called General Hospital. Scottish blokes are associated with Begbie and Sickboy from Trainspotting.

Put a scotsman, an aussie and a quebecker in an Eastern Canadian bar and you've some serious competition.

Poll to find out what kind of men were most popular with Aussie women when I was there came out strongly in favour of bricklayers. Brilliant choice. Aussieland is one place where a working man could get a fair crack of the whip. We know you'r a Gerry anyway, Adolf!

Heather. Think of a cross between Begbie and Sickboy, and you've got Hotboy. Don't let the buddhist jargon fool you, he's a wolf in lama's clothing. He studied pugilism before converting to Buddhism to impress the lassies.

Hotboy. As you well know, I am half-Scottish. The bottom half.

Horsey. When you get to Scotland, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that the Californian accent will open doors for you, if you get my meaning. No need to learn the Scots accent, with all that throat-clearing.

Jimmer, I'm not sure how many colalition troops read this blog, but they must be heartened to know you're looking after their interests.