Forum » Tag: Robocop - Recent Postshttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=robocop
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Ref Minor on "Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=75505#post-220709
Mon, 28 Apr 2014 17:12:51 +0000Ref Minor220709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Had 5* from me after just reading the title? Sterling stuff .
</p>Conrod on "Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=75505#post-220677
Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:45:17 +0000Conrod220677@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>‘but if we ignore the human tragedy and look at it in purely monetary terms then this droid is already paying for itself.’</p>
<p>‘Also, it has no concept of compassion or human empathy, which is probably why it was awarded the contract in the first place.’</p>
<p>Superb! 5* from me, too.
</p>andyiong on "Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=75505#post-220667
Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:27:46 +0000andyiong220667@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>5* Perhaps the biggest satire is that Esther McVey should find herself in charge of anything more than presenting items about talking dogs. But that joke's on us, alas...
</p>Ludicity on "Fit-For-Work tests to be conducted by killer robot"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=75505#post-220666
Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:21:55 +0000Ludicity220666@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Following the departure of Atos, the Department for Work and Pensions has awarded the contract for conducting Work Capability Assessments to ‘Benefits Enforcement Droid’ model IDS-209. </p>
<p>The droid, manufactured by Omni Consumer Products, was originally intended for law enforcement and is armed with three auto cannons, one auto shotgun and a rocket launcher. </p>
<p>‘Yes, technically it is a killer robot,’ said DWP minister Esther McVey, ‘but IDS-209 has been programmed to use its weapons in only the most extreme circumstances. So long as everyone complies with its requests there really shouldn’t be any problems.’</p>
<p>In future, applicants will be expected to sit before the droid, who will scan their benefits claim. If IDS-209 is in any way dissatisfied with the application, it will make the request: ‘Please withdraw your claim. You have 20 seconds to comply.’ At this point, faced with an arsenal of lethal weaponry pointing directly at them, most claimants are expected to then drop their claim and go home.</p>
<p>However, critics of the scheme have pointed to early trials of the droid in which a number of applicants did as requested and withdrew their claims, but were then faced with the message: ‘You have 10 seconds to comply…,’ then, ‘You have 5 seconds to comply,’ before IDS-209 opened fire and blew them out of the window. </p>
<p>‘Of course these incidents are regrettable,’ said Ms McVey , ‘but if we ignore the human tragedy and look at it in purely monetary terms then this droid is already paying for itself.’</p>
<p>The droid’s designer, Dr McNamara has admitted that IDS-209 does have some limitations. ‘It has weak logic circuits and it cannot process information very quickly,’ he said. ‘Also, it has no concept of compassion or human empathy, which is probably why it was awarded the contract in the first place.’</p>
<p>IDS-209 will be rolled out from next month and will also be making house calls. ‘It still has trouble getting through doorways,’ said Ms McVey, ‘so for the time being it will be entering people’s homes by smashing through the outside wall and conducting its assessments amid the rubble. Needless to say, if anyone tries to run away it only goes to show they are fit for work.’
</p>MADJEZ on "Amazon drone tells unwitting customer "You have 15 seconds to comply""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=69660#post-204659
Tue, 03 Dec 2013 09:12:49 +0000MADJEZ204659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>very good, tho you might want to try 20 seconds !
</p>johnnydobbo on "Amazon drone tells unwitting customer "You have 15 seconds to comply""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=69660#post-204658
Tue, 03 Dec 2013 09:10:31 +0000johnnydobbo204658@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Two dead, many injured.
</p>SingingHinny on "‘Robocop’ on hold after Windows encounters ‘fatal error’."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9015#post-24256
Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:49:48 +0000SingingHinny24256@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Edited since 'don't cross your fingers' wasn't a real phrase when I last had reason to hope for something unlikely!
</p>SingingHinny on "‘Robocop’ on hold after Windows encounters ‘fatal error’."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9015#post-24254
Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:44:42 +0000SingingHinny24254@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The MOD has admitted that using Windows as the Operating System in its ‘Robocop’ programme may have been a mistake after the eponymous hero was struck down by a ‘backdoor Trojan’. </p>
<p>It is believed that a senior technician neglected to turn off ‘Automatic Updates’, which allowed Windows to download the latest version of Internet Explorer, thus causing a catastrophic security breach. The malicious software resulted in Robocop spontaneously shutting down and restarting, failing to recognise hardware and indiscriminately murdering innocent people at rally in London’s financial district. </p>
<p>After bludgeoning several protesters and shooting one man who happened to be hurriedly passing by on his way to the tube, Robocop crashed when he apparently tried to install an update for Firefox and open Windows Media Player at the same time. Armed officers surrounded the 'Part-man. Part-machine. All Cop' whilst a technician held the power button down until he switched off. An inquest into events is to begin immediately.</p>
<p>This is the second such incident in the last two months, after an infected email resulted in Robocop proliferating adverts for ‘Tena Lady’ and making a number of illicit requests for transfers to a Nigerian bank account. It was hoped that the upload of Norton 360 may have prevented further invasion, but another senior technician forgot the sign-in password and could not find the answer to his security question, rendering the multi-million pound android vulnerable to new threats. </p>
<p>It is understood that the IT department have exhausted all avenues in order to redress the problem having switched it off and on again several times, and are currently awaiting the error report from Microsoft, after the troubleshooting programme indicated that ‘There is a chance Bill Gates might know, but don’t hold your breath.’ As a result, the much troubled project is likely to face further delay.</p>
<p>The programme was meant to represent the ‘future of law enforcement’ and was due to be rolled out to other forces around the UK pending successful trials. However, concerns over the operating system have been widespread even prior to the latest incident, and staff within the project had complained of poor productivity after Robocop was repeatedly caught shopping on-line and playing solitaire. If the problems are not alleviated, the MOD may be forced to remove Robocop from active police service and place him on light administrative duties such as word processing and compiling powerpoint presentations until a solution is found, or Windows 8 is released.
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