Decision 2012: or Don’t Let the Cyborg Be Our President

These guys! Seriously, though, if they can smile like that at each other, then how can we ever trust a single word either of them ever says to us? Us, who they don’t presumably hate? Well, okay, they probably do hate us. But still.

You know how every four years, you can’t WAIT for the first Presidential debate because you haven’t yet made up your mind about who you’re going to vote for in just five more weeks? It’s like, no, the conventions weren’t enough to help you decide. And, no, you don’t already have a deep antipathy toward one party or another and a solid conviction that, even though your party isn’t perfect, the party that you hate will take America straight to hell. And then you’d have to move to Canada and that would be really difficult. Let’s face it. Canada doesn’t want you.

Well, last night, you were finally in luck! It was the night of the big debate. Romney versus Obama versus my capacity to ever have any faith in government again! Who was the winner? Well, the loser was definitely “my capacity to ever have any faith in government ever again.” Also, Obama. At least, that’s what 100% of people are saying today. If you didn’t watch the debate—and I completely understand if you didn’t!—here are some tweets for you to look at, so that you can talk with all your friends about what a boring hour and a half that was. Eh. Your friends will probably have something else they want to talk about. You have cool friends. Good for you.