What kind of flirt are you?

Kansas City Star |
October 4, 2013

Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen, stars of "Pride & Prejudice," flirted politely in the film, according to University of Kansas professor Jeffrey Hall.

Physical flirt âDirty Dancingâ: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey turn dancing into foreplay. Youâre one if: You like to go to clubs and dance with strangers, and you use your body to flirt.

Photo By HANDOUT/HO

Playful flirt
âFriends With Benefitsâ: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis try to keep their relationship all about the sex.
Youâre one if: You think a bar is a great place to meet people and enjoy flirting as a game.

Photo By ALEX BAILEY/HO

Polite flirt
âPride & Prejudiceâ: Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen do a careful dance between desire and disdain - with perfect manners.
Youâre one if: You focus on proper manners and nonsexual communication.

He has been studying the topic for seven years and recently put his research into a book, "The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want."

Scientifically dissecting the heterosexual flirting habits of more than 10,000 people - including 5,000 users of eHarmony online dating service - Hall has identified five flirting archetypes: physical, playful, polite, sincere and traditional.

Everyone is typically a mix of the five styles, he says, but one style is usually more dominant than the others.

Which one are you?

Of course, we asked Hall, married 10 years to his grad-school sweetheart, to identify his own romantic modus operandi. But he preferred that the research, not the researcher, be the story.

What a tease.

He makes clear that there is no right or wrong way to flirt and that his book is not a pick-up artist's guidebook. (Though one reviewer did call it "a GPS for singles looking for the most direct route to finding love.")

Knowing how you express your romantic interest in someone is invaluable because it gives clues to why you end up in the relationships you do, he says.

That playful flirt, for instance, is so not interested in a long-term relationship.

Knowing your flirtatious tendencies also can help you steer clear of behavior that could be making others run the other way.

And wouldn't you rather that they stay?

The five styles of flirting:

Physical flirt

This person relies on body language to communicate sexual interest.

"One of the unique things about the physical flirt is they like to go to clubs to dance with strangers," Hall says. "That's something they find enjoyable."

He describes this person as being "switched on" - always looking for signs of flirting and sexual interest from other people. They can interpret even the most innocuous gesture as flirting.

In this category: the obnoxious ones who see themselves as heaven's gift to the opposite sex. "They think everybody is flirting with them. They think of themselves as being more physically attractive than the people around them," Hall says.

"Their problem is they're more likely to assume the person they're flirting with is interested when they're not. They can end up stepping on toes and making people feel uncomfortable."

Bottom line: People who scored high in this category often develop relationships quickly and have more sexual chemistry with their partners.

Polite flirt

Where the physical flirt is switched on all the time, the polite flirt doesn't even know where the switch is.

The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners. Cautious is another word for this person. They think that touching another person or complimenting them is bad manners - though, as Hall points out, science tells us that both those behaviors are useful in showing romantic interest.

In addition, these people might have to be hit over the head, figuratively speaking, to realize that someone is flirting with them.