Monday, 15 February 2016

Marriage is an
eye opener for many, I believe. And I say this because it kind of opened my
eyes too. There was a time when I thought life comes to a full stop post
marriage, that there’s not much to rejoice and live your life to the full after
marriage, that if there was anything at all it was before the D-day (not that I
haven’t enjoyed myself before marriage, but just a few pre –conceived notions I
had) and I am so glad to be wrong (for a change) about this.

I, for one,
started my life after my marriage to be honest. All my wishes, all my desires,
my aspirations started taking shape after I got married. Not that being married
was one.

And with time I
realized what all things I was capable enough to do.

I am driving
from quite a long time, but the real challenge came up when I started taking
the classes. You just can’t guess the area where the institute is located and
you barely have any idea about the kind of traffic that exists there. Every city
has an old city and a new one and the place where I teach is located in the
older one. And so, people there aren’t any younger either (or their mentality
for that matter)!

When I have to struggle to reach my destination, I come
across lots of vehicles parked incorrectly (by men), which block the traffic so
often, over speeding youngsters on bike (boys) who disturb the entire flow of
driving, the rickshaws, the
pedestrians, and mind you, the place where I go is full of men. You will barely
see any woman in sight, and the kind of looks that I get from all those starry
eyes! That’s a woman who is driving. She
doesn’t know how to park the car. She doesn’t know how to drive well. How is she
handling that car? And what not?!

Well, I am not bragging here about myself
or anything, but I drive way better than many men on the road. I obey all the
rules, I follow the traffic lights, I don’t drive rash, I don’t just shatter
away like crazy! That tiny space where I park my car every single day, most men
refuse to admit if that place is capable of accommodating my car! Wearing formals
and carrying a bag doesn’t mean I can’t do stuff that men are supposedly do.

We’re
surrounded by it. Everywhere. 69% of men agree
that their judgement of women is based on their looks.64% of
women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability to
reach their true potential.

70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from
family members or friends rather than strangers.

72%
of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their
clothes than housewives.

Yes.
These are real statistics. There was a wonderful video I came across last week
and it got viral too on social media that asked the audience to guess the hobby
of the girl based on her looks. I’m sure you must have seen it but if not, you
can check it here.

Did you see how things function around us?

When
we see a woman carrying a child, we assume she must be home, she has no life,
she’s probably not happy, her husband is not supportive and what not! When we see
an old woman with an old man who’re probably dating or discovering each other,
well it’s obviously budhaape mein ash kar
rhe hain (having fun in the old age) that comes to the mind. When we see
girls wearing too much of makeup, or wearing too short clothes, or too funky
hair, or too dark lipstick, or too many rings and bangles and bracelet and hair
colour! What about seeing too many boys with one single girl? What about being
friends with only boy? Sounds odd? And then fashion! My goodness! Hair
extensions.. No way! What about piercing? Under the lips, below the eye brow,
and how about a tattoo? Right beneath your shoulder where you can flaunt it
easily. Of course, she’s a hippie! She may not have a character as well, don’t
you think? And that where it needs to stop.It’s not our bloody
business to know what and why she wears, who she dates, who she sleeps
with, is she having a child, is there some medical problem, and what not?! Oh
and the one’s with the nannies, well, that’s their choice totally. They’re
probably not as efficient as you and need some help or even if she is efficient
enough, she does not like doing it by herself and so has hired a maid, big deal! It’s her life and she is the
one who gets to decide what should be done and what not! One really needs to
learn to mind their own business.

There
was a time when I used to cook regularly and the looks that I used to get from
kins around, Oh you cook? What a boring
thing to do and what a boring life you have! Only cooking! Who does that these
days? Very homely she is. We can’t be like this. Thank God we have a staff! And
now when I don’t and have someone who does that, it’s like, What a spoilt brat? Doesn’t even cooks! It’s
so shameful! I mean where should one go? One can never satisfy the society.
Best is to ignore all of it and do what you feel is right, what your conscience
allows! Simple.

Nobody
will notice how well are you doing at your work, how hard are you trying to
make your day a productive one, all one cares and notices of, she gets to stay out all day, she has a car
all by herself for as much as she wants, she doesn’t has to cook, nobody says anything
to her, she wears jeans and all the clothes of her choice and the list is
endless.

I
drive. I drink (O I don’t drink and drive of course!), I wear red lipstick, I
don’t have kids, I’ll plan them when I’ll feel it’s the right time to do and
not when you will ask me to, I love to wear sarees,
I love to take care of my family, I love to dance, crazy dance, on loud
music, I love to party, I have friends, guy friends as well and I talk to them,
but I am capable of working my ass off all day and then attend guests at night,
I am capable of standing one feet all day to get my work done, even in the night
if required, I know my commitments and
they will always be priority first no matter what comes in. I am capable of
giving unconditional love to my loved ones and it’s the joy of loving them and being
loved in return. I am ambitious, may be a bit too much for you to handle, but
that’s your problem. Isn’t it?

I’m
sure you too face things like these every day, so tell me what is your story?
Tell me what you’re capable of? How does society judge you? What do you hear
about yourself? Tell me all of it and I’ll be all ears to it!

23 Discussion

We face this kind of discrimination every single day. You're judged and found wanting simply by what you wear. Despite women breaking stereotypes every single day the judgement continues. Guess it'll take a long long time for things to change.

I, like you, believe in living life the way I choose. Each society has its own convenient methods to keep the wings of women chipped off. However, it is the high spirits of women like you that we still have a voice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts across.

And women like you who encourage the other women across all sections. It will take lot of women bring it down and shatter the pride of judgement. Thank you so much Ankita for your appreciation :) I am so glad.

I am in my 60's. I remember being told to hide my intelligence and hide the books I liked to read so I wouldn't scare eligible men away. Sadly, times have not changed as much as we would like to think.

Yes. That's a valid point. But times are changing. Women have started encouraging each other as well. At least in the blogging community. It takes hell lot of time to change things around. This too shall change :)Thanks a lot :)

People judge... and there's nothing we can do about it. We can only change our attitude and live like no one's watching. I don't handle stereotypes because I don't even care for an unsolicited opinion. Kudos to you for breaking every rule :) And I always have special respect for women who can drive... coz that's one think I am too scared to try.

Thanks much Raj.. It feels nice when someone connects with you. That's the best you do. Ignore. I wish me and many others had that thing to ignore things around us. It really leaves things in peace. Glad to hear from you :)

I firmly beleive that if you do What you want to and what your heart says then one will be happy.. yeah there will be the usual things being said etc etc But who cares.. loving yourself and keeping yourself happy is the most important always ..

I so agree with your viewpoints... I am unmarried and I know what people say about me... I started cooking recently and everyone had similar comments as you have mentioned... Woman are always judged, put under the limelight and forced to face... No matter what out attitude, we will be judged. So why not put up the best attitude :P