HARDIN: ‘Blood Diamond’ is the Best Name for a Strain of Weed Yet

I’ve
written about stupid names for strains of weed before, but now I
think I’ve figured out why stupid names matter. To market weed
effectively, the cannabis industry needs names that appeal to the
intellect and aesthetics of a 15-year-old boy. I smoked weed for the
first time on my 15th birthday. I think a lot of people
start smoking weed at about that age, so the same logic that applies
to naming a hip-hop artist or a professional wrestler also applies to
naming weed.

You
need a name that sounds cool to a 15-year-old boy. That’s why we have
pot called “Green Crack,” “God’s Pussy” and “Chem Dawg.”
From that perspective, the latest “hot” strain around here,
“Blood Diamond,” fits the bill. I would have bought “Blood
Diamond” weed when I was 15, and I would have liked the name too. I
haven’t smoked any “Blood Diamond” yet, but it gets rave reviews
from everyone except trimmers.

To
me, it’s all just “weed.” I’m sure I’d like “Blood Diamond”
weed if I smoked some. I like all weed, and most of the weed around
here is pretty good. Don’t ask me to tell you which weed is better.
If I’m high on good weed, the last thing I want to think about is how
this weed compares with the last weed I smoked. I’m high now. That’s
what matters.

I
think “Blood Diamond” is a poetic name for weed right now. The
term “Blood Diamond” was coined for diamonds mined in conflict
zones where they fund bloody civil wars. Many brutal conflicts rage
in diamond-rich Central Africa. Warlords use the money they make from
mining and selling these diamonds to buy weapons, ammunition and
supplies to advance their personal ambitions of wealth and power
through violence and bloodshed. The UN banned the import of diamonds
from conflict zones, but the black market has ways around such
things, so “Blood Diamonds” – diamonds from Sierra Leone, Ivory
Coast, Angola and a few other countries – still find their way onto
young women’s fingers here in the US.

Now
“Blood Diamond” marijuana is finding its way into America’s
bongs. While “Blood Diamonds” in Sierra Leone finance a bloody
civil war fought by child soldiers, “Blood Diamond” weed supplies
an army of underage street dealers who risk violence, expulsion from
school and jail time on the front lines of America’s War on Drugs.

In
war zones, arms dealers will happily accept payment, in diamonds, for
weapons and ammunition, so warlords dig for diamonds to finance
insurgencies that terrorize and destabilize fledgling democracies. In
Trinity County last week, cops raided a house in which, in addition
to the typical, industrial quantities of cannabis and commercial
quantities of hard drugs, authorities found over a hundred firearms
and more than 10,000 rounds of ammunition.

“Blood
Diamonds” sparkle as bright as diamonds mined in peaceful
democracies like Canada, and most diamond dealers have a “don’t
ask; don’t tell” policy. The same can be said for the marijuana
industry. Cannabis consumers rarely know much about where their
marijuana comes from or how it was produced.

“Blood
Diamond” is just another meaningless moniker designed to brand
cannabis and appeal to prospective 15-year-old clients, but it says a
lot about the cannabis industry and the War on Drugs with an elegance
and sense of irony I really admire. Apparently the product is pretty
good too. I can only assume the grower who developed this strain,
knows the industry, and the plant, very well indeed. I appreciate his
honesty and eloquence.