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Fri, 02 Feb 2018 18:51:10 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.3The President’s Speech: SOTU 2018https://www.ruthsherman.com/the-presidents-speech-sotu-2018/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/the-presidents-speech-sotu-2018/#commentsFri, 02 Feb 2018 18:44:30 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5544It's done. Finally. Yes, I have finished the big speech. Now I'm in practice mode, saying it over and over, repeatedly, so even if the technology goes down, I'll be able to give my audience what they came for.

]]>President Trumps 2018 State of the Union speech was one of the worst-delivered speeches I’ve ever seen. Note I said, “delivered,” not “written.” I have yet to read the transcript from beginning to end.

The next day, I was on the radio to discuss it, made my case, and the host pushed back, telling me a CBS poll had said 75% of respondents approved of the speech. I wasn’t moved. I know what I know.

Let me explain why the speech was a failure from the delivery standpoint. The core reason is that so-called speaking from the heart requires the speaker to be in touch with one. That’s the intangible reason. But there are tangible reasons, as well, that every speaker should learn. Here they are…

He clearly didn’t practice: This is a badge of honor for him, which is ridiculous and a disservice to his audiences. It is something the best speakers get right, which is why there are so few of them.

He didn’t sound like he’d read it through from beginning to end. Some words seemed to surprise him, like Scourge, which he pronounced Skorge. (See #1.)

The body language was all wrong, particularly facial expression. He seemed angry and scowled throughout. Also, his applauding of his own words was particularly off-putting and his incitement of the GOP members to chant, “USA, USA” was completely inappropriate. This was not a campaign rally.

His rate and pacing were plodding. These speeches are always on the long side and this one was much too long. It didn’t have to be. A moderate pace is about 140 words per minute. Including the frequent prolonged applause interruptions (common), this one was 65 wpm. If we are generous and subtract the applause, that brings us to about 100 wpm. This is much too slow and another result of #1.

His voice is very low quality. It’s thin, breathy, and although very familiar, it’s unpleasant to listen to at length. It’s also somewhat monotone in these types of formal, stick-to-the-teleprompter-delivered speeches. A good speaker doesn’t need a voice like James Earl Jones (see Bill Clinton or George W. Bush), but there are ways to strengthen the speaking voice and the POTUS should do so to meet the requirements of his job.

He has a habit of biting off choice words, lingering on it, spreading his mouth, jutting out his chin, and baring his teeth, but not in a smile. This seems to happen when he feels he hasn’t received credit for something he thinks he deserves or wants to cast blame. It’s utterly graceless, just plain weird, and out of place in such a decorous setting.

The structure of the speech lacked enough rhetorical flourishes. Not that the president would’ve known what do do with them if they were there. There were a couple, but he was unable to land them (see #1) which did not allow this speech to rise to the soaring, uplifting speaking we as a nation crave and deserve.

Audible inhales were prevalent. What is with this? It’s an unfortunate and distracting habit he should work on.

As I alluded, the written speech may be much better than his delivery showed. (I still haven’t had a minute to read it all the way through.) Yet, for all the claims from him and the White House that this speech would be unifying and “from the heart,” it seemed clear to me the only unity he was interested in was with his existing fans and as for his heart, I don’t think he actually knows where it is.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/the-presidents-speech-sotu-2018/feed/2The Eloquence of Oprahhttps://www.ruthsherman.com/oprahs-eloquence-analysis-golden-globes-speech/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/oprahs-eloquence-analysis-golden-globes-speech/#commentsFri, 12 Jan 2018 18:34:16 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5525I was blown away by Oprah's Golden Globes speech. Although it clocked in at just under 10 minutes, it was incredibly rich in meaning and beautifully delivered.

]]>I was blown away by Oprah’s Golden Globes speech. Although it clocked in at just under 10 minutes, it was incredibly rich in meaning and beautifully delivered.

So I thought I’d take this opportunity to explain to my subscribers the specific rhetorical devices and tools Oprah included that made it one of the very best, most eloquent speeches I have heard in a long time. By deconstructing and analyzing it for you, my hope is you will see how it’s done as you work on becoming a more polished and confident speaker and presenter.

Watch Oprah’s speech below:

Goto this link to have a transcript of the speech in front of you as you read through my comments.

First Paragraph:

After the opening thank yous, the first line begins a story. “In 1964 I was a little girl…” ALWAYS start your speeches with a story. This one was about Sydney Poitier being the first black person to accept an Oscar. Note how she paints a picture, Ann Bancroft opening the envelope and making the announcement, the color of Poitier’s tie — and the color of his skin.

That line, the white tie juxtaposed against the black skin is a rhetorical device known as opposition.

“As a kid watching from the cheap seats as my mom came through the door bone tired from cleaning other people’s houses…” quickly fills us in on Oprah’s working-class or more likely, lower-class childhood.

She describes how it felt in a way we can also feel and what it meant to her.

She goes on to compare Poitier’s acceptance of the same award she has just received.

She concludes the paragraph with a reference to how other little girls may be feeling watching her accept this award. This ties back to the opening line.

This entire paragraph story is a setup for what comes next.

Second Paragraph:

In the opening sentence, she states it is a privilege to share it with those same little girls, including a group most people would leave out. This shows affection and empathy.

The repetition of the word “who’ve” as she tells us how she came to be on this stage is a device known as anaphora. This is a mesmerizing device and is usually presented in groups of 3, though Oprah’s groups are longer and she uses the device several times.

The list of names of people who’ve helped her is another rhetorical device known as asyndeton, which is also repetitive, but without using the same opening words.

Then, she makes a strong point about the value of the press. The Golden Globes is a press association, so this is not lost on them or anyone else in the room.

Third Paragraph:

The primary point is then made about speaking one’s truth, which she ties to the job of the press and by emphasizing how inspired she has been by women who’ve come forward to report abuse and harassment. Here, too, she expands the group to include the powerless.

Fourth Paragraph:

This first line is extraordinary because she expands the concept of speaking truth by doing just that and lightening the load of women who had “children to feed, bills to pay, and dreams to pursue…” She seems to be saying she does not judge them and they should not feel any guilt for doing what was necessary at the time.

The rest of the paragraph lists a variety of fields and she once again uses anaphora, starting each phrase with the word, they’re.

Fifth Paragraph:

She tells the story of Recy Taylor, a name most haven’t heard, and makes a historical connection to Rosa Parks, a name most of us have heard. She dramatizes Parks’s story by implying the Recy Taylor incident must have played a part in her decision to stay seated on that bus in Montgomery. We don’t know if this is true, but it feels true. This is the overarching story’s culmination.

She fills us in on why she has made the professional choices she has made, all having to do with how we suffer and eventually, overcome. She also once again uses anaphora, this time with the word, how.

“Hope for a brighter morning — even during our darkest nights” is a strong metaphor that also uses opposition, so a combination of rhetorical devices.

Sixth Paragraph:

The climax begins here with an immediate tieback to the little girls of the opening paragraph. This is what we call a bookend, which is a story that ties back to the opening story (or an earlier story).

“New day finally dawns” completes the preceding metaphor.

Oprah concludes with a strong shout-out to the “me too” movement.

This was an overarching narrative about truth, particularly speaking truth to power, beginning in the early days of the civil rights movement, and continuing through the present day. It has an almost poetic level of rhythm. It was a serious speech, delivered with empathy. Note there was nothing funny. It was a classic morality tale, delivered from the heart, intended to take full advantage of the platform.

Of course, Oprah also delivered it beautifully. She made it look easy, but it was so well-rehearsed. She knew where her voice was going to rise and fall, she understood where to pause, where the applause lines might be. Her pacing and timing was perfect. And don’t discount the probability that the adrenaline was flowing, both through her and through her audience.

We must also not forget Oprah is a trained performer, with decades of experience. But make no mistake; this speech took a lot of work.

I must also point out that speaking of this quality is extraordinarily rare. It’s a game-changer. Although Oprah is already quite famous, this performance opens new doors.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/oprahs-eloquence-analysis-golden-globes-speech/feed/6Do I Give Hugs or Handshakes?https://www.ruthsherman.com/do-i-give-hugs-or-handshakes/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/do-i-give-hugs-or-handshakes/#commentsFri, 01 Dec 2017 16:39:22 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5512It's done. Finally. Yes, I have finished the big speech. Now I'm in practice mode, saying it over and over, repeatedly, so even if the technology goes down, I'll be able to give my audience what they came for.

Like most women, I have had to put up with too many men who felt it was ok to invade my personal space and put their hands on me or whisper unwelcome and uninvited sweet nothings in my ear.

So with the seemingly unending revelations about sexual harassers, I thought it would be a good idea to explore what happens when men and women greet each other in a professional setting.

There is a lot to say about this and I won’t get it all into this newsletter or video. I also don’t have much in the way of answers, but the times call for some deep thinking about what happens when men and women greet each other, what gets communicated, and whether that’s what we intended.

For simplicity’s sake — and to keep myself from going off the rails – I’m breaking it down into three distinct situations.

1. Greeting someone new

In this situation, professionals (in the US at least), will generally shake hands. Still, there is a right and wrong way to show professional respect via a handshake. Too often, a man takes a woman’s hand in what I call the “dainty,” which clasps only the fingers. This is instead of the full-fledged handshake men typically give each other. That’s the one where the webs between the thumb and forefinger meet, a level of firmness is exerted and one or two shakes happen as the partners make eye contact and say their pleasantries. This communicates mutual respect and a level of professionalism. By the way, sometimes women give each other the “dainty” and also to men. That communicates weakness that does not bode well for women who wish to be taken seriously. So my advice to men is, shake a woman’s hand the way you shake a man’s and to women, do not act daintily or you will be perceived as such and suffer for it.

2. Greeting someone you have affection for and are reuniting with after some time has passed

Men who feel affection toward other men almost always shake hands when re-uniting. They may do some backslapping and other upper body touching. But, in a similar situation with a woman, they almost always hug and kiss them. And women hug and kiss them back. Quite frequently women initiate it, including me. This, frankly, has always been ok with me, probably because it’s always been this way, but I have come to believe it is risky for women and the perceptions it engenders, even if unintentional or unconscious. This is one of those areas where I don’t have good answers. So, in a professional setting, I’d like to see this change to the way men greet each other. (I’m telling myself this as much as I’m telling you.) Now, if you’ve done something one way for a long time and suddenly change, it can create friction. I feel uncomfortable even thinking of how I’m going to do it going forward, but I’m going to try to keep professional greetings professional and I’ll be interested to know what your experiences are if you decide to make a change or if you never did it to begin with. It’s complicated.

3. Greeting someone you’ve met a few times and have no real affection (or disaffection) for

This is the most difficult one because it may result in some weirdness that, frankly, no one needs. It’s so much easier to acquiesce to a surprise or unwelcome hug and kiss. But doing so is also the riskiest for women because impressions count. When people greet each other, they’re sizing each other up. If a woman allows herself to be hugged and kissed, even though it’s a cheek kiss, and sometimes even while shaking hands, it sends a signal that perhaps she’s open to more gestures that would be more audacious and more unwelcome. Again, I’m telling myself this as much as opening a discussion with you. So, what to do? In such cases, I’ve found that putting my hand out first and stiffening my arm will often nip it in the bud. Witty conversation and high-quality small talk will mitigate any awkwardness. Sometimes, however, a man will pull that hand he is shaking and force other contact. Here is where I don’t have good answers. Recoiling in the moment may put the woman at further disadvantage professionally and, of course, it depends on who it is doing the pulling – a boss? A client? Two people you most certainly wouldn’t want to offend. So here is where I get stumped. Certain people will respond to a good, private chat, where you explain how this undermines your professional stature (bad for the company and bottom line). Others will be offended and seek to deep-six you. In which case, if you can, you may have to escalate.

Of course, then there is the guy who is a harasser, who gets his jollies by exerting physical power over women. I’m not addressing that here since I wanted to stick with people who are well-intentioned, yet may be clueless or struggling with what to do in this watershed moment, which is a far more common situation and one, that if we figure it out, could have wide-ranging positive consequences for the future workplace

Also, I want to be clear that all of this is based on the US business communication culture. International customs vary so what’s acceptable here is not elsewhere. Also, it could be generational. Generations differ in what they think of as acceptable, a very good thing. I’m a boomer, but I wonder if millennials and Gen Xers handle things the way my generation has.

My only goal is to see women valued for their professional expertise and not have it discounted by traditions meant to preserve the status quo. Hugs hurt women professionally and handshakes help.

I would love to hear your take on this, your experiences. Please add your thoughts to the comments section.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/do-i-give-hugs-or-handshakes/feed/2The Problem With Beautifully Designed Slideshttps://www.ruthsherman.com/problem-beautifully-designed-slides/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/problem-beautifully-designed-slides/#commentsWed, 01 Nov 2017 03:33:19 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5497It's done. Finally. Yes, I have finished the big speech. Now I'm in practice mode, saying it over and over, repeatedly, so even if the technology goes down, I'll be able to give my audience what they came for.

]]>With all the big stages I’ve been appearing on, I thought it would be a good idea to finally bring in a professional designer. The slides she produced were gorgeous, powerful, and very effective. I received tons of compliments. But there is a problem with beautifully designed slides.

In the past, I’d done the typical amateur design. I’m pretty facile with PowerPoint and Keynote, so I would take my business’s branding elements and do my best to make the slides look good. They’d typically have a single text statement, a Speakret® or a Ruth’s Truth, that would trigger a good paragraph or two of spoken content. Sometimes I’d add an image and sometimes there were bulleted or numbered lists. I’m choosy about fonts and I know how animations and slide transitions can add to engagement, but am careful not to overdo the bells and whistles.

Now, however, I thought it was time to kick it up a notch or two, to have my visuals match my position and brand. I knew I needed beautifully designed slides.

My goal was to have more images than text. I also wanted to include videos (which I’ve done before), GIFs, audio, and other effects. Of course, they all had to align with and support the messages I wanted to convey.

The slides came back and they were great… beautiful, really… and after a couple of revisions, I was good to go. To practicing, that is. And that’s when I realized the big challenge inherent in having graphics instead of words:

I could no longer use my slides as content cues or speaker notes.

Oops.

I hadn’t recognized how dependent I’d become on the actual slide content to help lead me through the presentation without referring to paper notes and without stumbling too much. Think about it: Slides with few or no words mean you have to really learn the slide sequence, what points you want to make on each slide, and the transitions to the next slides

Now, truth be told, I had confidence monitors to rely on. These are TV-type monitors that sit on the floor at the apron of the stage or at the foot of the stage itself that a speaker can subtly glance down at. These replace the paper notes.

But technology has a habit of not always working the way you want it to. So, for example, at one speech, during the dry run, the AV team had trouble putting what I needed to see on these slides. Instead they put the actual slide that the audience would see. I told them that would be of no help to me and hoped and prayed they’d figure it out. They did. During the dry run.

When I stepped out onto the stage for the actual performance, however, I immediately noticed one monitor that was facing stage right had the correct information and the other, facing stage left, was wrong. Oh well! Now, did I just stay on the right side of the stage? No. And here’s why.

I had practiced until I was blue in the face, that’s why. So even though the talk wasn’t memorized, it was learned. I was able to command every part of that stage. No one but me knew, the presentation went smoothly, and no one was the worse for wear. I gifted myself with a big, fat vodka after that one!

But what if I had walked out and both monitors had been incorrect? Well, then I would have felt more stress. Knowing how with so many moving parts, things can go south, I had earlier asked the stage manager place my paper notes on a table I’d ordered to be on the platform, just in case. There is so much security anticipating the worst and being ready for anything. My clients know me for this level of preparedness.

The upshot is although I received many compliments on these beautifully designed slides, if I hadn’t rehearsed and practiced out loud as much as I did, I could’ve been and probably would’ve been thrown. I would not have been at the top of my game. I’m polished enough so no one would likely have noticed.

Except me. And that’s enough – even with or especially with beautifully designed slides – to cover all my bases.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/problem-beautifully-designed-slides/feed/1Delivered the Big Speech at INBOUNDhttps://www.ruthsherman.com/delivered-the-big-speech-at-inbound/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/delivered-the-big-speech-at-inbound/#commentsFri, 06 Oct 2017 15:39:16 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5441Before I knew it, INBOUND was here and I delivered the big speech, one I'd been working on for what seemed like forever. So how'd it go, you wonder?

]]>So, it happened. I finally delivered the Big Speech at INBOUND, the one I’d been working on for what seemed like forever and bringing you along with me through my process and struggles. Then, Boom! the event was here and it was the moment of truth.

So, how’d it go, you wonder?

Great! Just great! (Here is a video of the presentation I recorded. Quality is not great, but you’ll get the idea.)

The people were as engaged as any group would be after having just seen former First Lady Michelle Obama deliver her big speech on the main-stage. I’d thought that would make me more nervous and truth to tell, it did during the lead-up. But then, once I was in the room, and the people began filing in and I saw how happy and energized everyone was, it ultimately made my job easier. I just had to keep them that way and my meticulous planning did exactly that.

Still, as I confided in my previous posts (here, here, here, and here), since it was a new topic, it was untested. I didn’t know whether my stories would resonate, whether they’d laugh in the right places, or whether I’d be able to convert them.

So I’m thrilled to report it all worked out. At the same time, I learned a few things. Here they are:

The next time I follow a famous person, I’ll remember how they warmed up the audience for me and I’ll be grateful instead of worried.

My writing and ideas for content for a big speech were validated. After so many years of experience, I generally know what people will like and what they won’t, what will make them laugh and what will make them think, but again, untested is untested, so time to exhale.

They won’t always laugh in places I might expect and that’s due to the nature of the audience. The more different types of audiences I have under my belt, the better I’ll be able to judge.

Keeping things short is my biggest frustration and took the most time during the endless preparation process. I was still cutting until about 2 hours prior and I generally don’t advise that. But they actually had it set up so speakers could make last minute revisions, so I was glad I took advantage of it.

Based on the response, I was the only one who missed the things I cut and I will save them for a longer talk.

My slides were awesome because I had them designed by a pro. They were extremely visual with very little text. I got a lot of compliments on them.

I used a variety of media. So not only images, but props, GIFs and videos, too. There was very little text.

I wore a cool new outfit and wore stylish, but comfortable shoes. (for the PA Conference, I wore ridiculous shoes, which I’m returning.)

Oh, and through a giveaway they could receive by texting a keyword to a code, I captured about 60% of the over approximately 1100 people who saw me. Not a bad conversion rate.

Practice + Experience (really does) = Spontaneity.

Now I have a hot, new, well-received topic I can bring elsewhere confident people will enjoy it and get the outcomes they came for.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/delivered-the-big-speech-at-inbound/feed/1Finished My Big Speech!https://www.ruthsherman.com/finished-big-speech/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/finished-big-speech/#respondFri, 15 Sep 2017 12:00:08 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5413It's done. Finally. Yes, I have finished the big speech. Now I'm in practice mode, saying it over and over, repeatedly, so even if the technology goes down, I'll be able to give my audience what they came for.

It’s done. Finally. Yes, I have finished the big speech. Now I’m in practice mode, saying it over and over, repeatedly, so even if the technology goes down, I’ll be able to give my audience what they came for. The slides are due today in fact, so I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to.

I did a lot of cutting. I was reminded during this process that although it hurts at first, soon enough, I don’t miss the darlings I had to kill.

But here’s the rub…

I’m bored with it. I wonder if people will be engaged. Will they laugh at the funny stuff? Will the technology go south? Will I forget something important? Will the videos play? Will it meet the audience’s expectations?

I can’t seem to work up the enthusiasm I once had during the creative process. On the other hand, people tell me it’s very good. I also know intellectually, that once I get up there with the audience in place to engage with and the adrenaline flowing, it’ll all be fine.

Emotionally, however, it’s hard to internalize. I know it will work, but I don’t feel it. Not yet.

At this point, I have been trying to put some space between it and me. There was an entire week when I didn’t bother with it at all. Then when I got back to it, I felt rusty. Ugh! So, I’ve committed to myself to run it every weekday, and starting on the 20th (exactly a week before) every day.

If it sounds like I torture myself, you’re right, I do. It’s work of art… I’m creating an experience, delivered in a particular way that will make people feel something. I want them to leave better than they entered.

The truth is, I won’t know if it will do what I hope it will do until it’s done. Now that I can get excited about. I can’t wait for that. As Michael Caine said, “Rehearsal is the work. Performance is the relaxation.

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https://www.ruthsherman.com/finished-big-speech/feed/0Killing my babieshttps://www.ruthsherman.com/killing-my-babies/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/killing-my-babies/#respondFri, 11 Aug 2017 14:34:25 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5379I'm a professional speaker so my talks have to be good. It takes a lot of work to get there and it's difficult, often boring work. But the results can be amazing, presenting opportunities that cannot arise any other way.

I’m happy to report the big speech – the one where I’ll be sharing the stage with Michelle Obama – is about 75% there. I’ve practiced it out loud a lot. I’ve gotten my designer to create some kick-ass slides. It’s really coming together.

But… I have to admit, it’s still too long and I’m having a very hard time cutting content. You might even say I’m stuck. So I’ve been asking people I respect for their input and will discuss with my coach, who has been a big help. In fact he is the one who said, “it’s hard to kill your babies.”

The problem is my perception is skewed. I think my audience has to have everything I’ve created so far. I like the way it flows. In fact, I’ve fallen in love with the speech as it is. Kind of like the Narcissus myth who looked in the water admiring his own reflection until he fell in and drowned. Like Narcissus, if I don’t cut it down, a similar fate will befall me.

I have gotten rid of some of the content, but I still must dispense with about 10 more minutes – that’s a good two sections… but which ones? I’m stuck.

I have 45 minutes to deliver the speech and technically, time-wise, I’m under that. But my goal is to do it in 30 so there is plenty of time for Q & A. No one ever objects to a presentation ending in less time than promised, and I believe the days of long presentations – those that exceed 30 minutes – are over. And frankly, there is nothing I have to say that cannot be said in 30 minutes flat.

Another thing I have to figure out is where and how I include my own story… these are the best ways to connect with any audience. I need to figure out which of my major screw-ups is the best one to include. I asked my daughter, Britt, today, in fact, and she had some good ideas, one of which I’m going to try to develop.

So, here is the truth: I. Am. Stuck. I have to kill some of my babies and I don’t know which ones and I have to figure out which personal story to include.

By writing this ezine this month, I’m making a public promise that by next week, I’ll have reduced it to that half-hour. I hope you’ll hold me accountable. I’ll be working with my coach to see what he thinks I should get rid of and what personal story to include. I’ll abide by it. I’ll still love the babies I keep.

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https://www.ruthsherman.com/killing-my-babies/feed/0I’m midway through prep for my big speechhttps://www.ruthsherman.com/how-im-doing-midway-thru-prep-for-my-big-speech-before-19k-people/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/how-im-doing-midway-thru-prep-for-my-big-speech-before-19k-people/#respondFri, 14 Jul 2017 11:30:51 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5361I'm a professional speaker so my talks have to be good. It takes a lot of work to get there and it's difficult, often boring work. But the results can be amazing, presenting opportunities that cannot arise any other way.

Getting ready for the Big Speech is going more slowly than I’d hoped. Just staying disciplined has been a painful exercise. But I know if I don’t do this work, there is no way I’ll have anything good ready to go on September 27.

But… I am finally feeling more confident in the flow and rhythm of the talk. And every day as I say it out loud I find more things to fine tune.

I admit up until about mid-June, I was becoming increasingly worried. Would I be giving them what they paid for? Would the information be too basic, not entertaining enough? Would I be funny? Would they leave better than they came in? And, most importantly, would it all fit? That’s a huge obstacle for me.

I always start with far too much information that would take about twice as long to deliver than I have time for. My initial outlines are always super detailed. It feels dense at this stage. Also, in today’s presentation landscape, certain audiences appreciate it when you come in under the time limit. I’ve identified this audience as one of those. One thing I’m certain of is a speaker certainly shouldn’t go over.

But editing, ugh. I hate cutting sections. They’re like my babies. I love them. And I have to cut almost half! I always remind myself, “Only you will miss it.” It’s something I always tell my clients, but it’s still torture. The segments that can go will become more apparent as I plod forward.

Yesterday, I worked with my coach, who suggested a really great addition… something that requires a lot more work, but would be so cool if I can pull it off. Now that’s in the mix. And I need a Plan B for that section just in case something goes awry.

I’m saying the speech out loud now about once a day. On average I spend about 90 minutes a day on it. I’m trying not to get bored. I’m testing certain sections before small audiences.

I’ve settled on a somewhat provocative opening. The title is ATTENTION! Re-Igniting Focus in a World Drowning in Distraction, so I feel the need to blow it up from the get-go… not my comfort zone. But I think I have something that will do the trick. The test audiences have enjoyed it, a good sign.

My biggest concern is that I’m spending too big a portion on information I’m super comfortable with and that I love vs. information my audience would prefer to hear. This nagging self-doubt always works itself out, but it’s very uncomfortable while it’s happening.

So, that’s where I am… getting there, but slowly. Adding and subtracting. It’s why I gave myself so much time. I came up with the title and description in February. It was accepted in late April and I started seriously developing and working on it in May.

It’s hard. I take turns wondering why I set myself up for such punishment and remembering the great time I know I will have being on stage, sharing my expertise, inspiring and engaging with my audience, meeting many of them afterward at the book-signing, and taking advantage of all the new opportunities that will naturally follow.

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https://www.ruthsherman.com/how-im-doing-midway-thru-prep-for-my-big-speech-before-19k-people/feed/0Mother Daughter Gay Pridehttps://www.ruthsherman.com/mother-daughter-gay-pride/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/mother-daughter-gay-pride/#commentsFri, 09 Jun 2017 18:51:36 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5305Lily had been talking about going to the Gay Pride Parade for weeks – with friends, of course, definitely not with her mother. But then, as so often happens, her flaky, teenage friends bailed at the last minute. There she was, all dressed up and ready to go, 22 minutes before the train to NYC arrived, her dreams of being at the parade dashed.

On Sunday, June 28, 2009, I accompanied my daughter Lily, who was then 16, to the Gay Pride Parade in New York. Afterward, I wrote about it. Lily and I agreed this was a good moment and place to tell the story.

Lily had been talking about going to the Gay Pride Parade for weeks – with friends, of course, definitely not with her mother. But then, as so often happens, her flaky, teenage friends bailed at the last minute. There she was, all dressed up and ready to go, 22 minutes before the train to NYC arrived, her dreams of being at the parade dashed.

“Do you want me to go with you,” I asked. “Yes,” she replied unhappily, but resignedly. She hates discussing the issue with me. I hate parades or big crowds of any kind. But I love my daughter more than I hate parades and, I guess she loved the idea of going to this parade more than she hated the idea of going with me. Perfect.

22 minutes to shower, dress and make that train. I can do this. Once on the train, I am frozen out, as I so often am. Lily is angry and hurt, resentful that I am the best substitute she could find. She is tight as a drum, unwilling to share her disappointments with me. So, I did what I have learned to do, to be quiet, to respect her solitude, her privacy, to not try to comfort her, which only seems to make things worse. Observing her sadness, my heart breaks for her. Thirty minutes of silence later, the time feels right to put my arm around her shoulders, and softly cajole her to put aside her disappointment for now, to anticipate the fun she is about to have, the joy she hopes to experience, the fulfillment of her dream of being there. Her lower lip trembles as she holds back tears and she doesn’t speak, but neither does she recoil from my touch.

Lily came out when she was 14. This is young for such a momentous announcement. At 14, a person seems only half-formed. Then there are all those hormones and teenage angst. We – her parents and sister – were not the first to hear about it, either. Instead, she decided to announce her sexual orientation to 600 of her closest friends, teachers and administrators at her high school’s annual “Names Day,” a day when classes are pushed aside in favor of workshops and assemblies that celebrate and explain differences and educate students in the noble pursuit of tolerance. Students are encouraged to take advantage of the open mic and share their personal experiences of bias and hate with their classmates.

When she arrived home that afternoon, Lily was changed. She was excited, happy, floating on air. I asked her what was going on. “Nothing.” Yeah, right. Time to look at Facebook. Our deal was if she wanted a Facebook page, I would also have one and we would be “friends.” Her page was overflowing with admiring messages from classmates praising her courage, wishing they had the same ability to face their truths as she had hers. Though there was nothing explicit, it didn’t take very long to deduce what had transpired.

I was alarmed, which set off additional and unexpected alarms. I had always been a bleeding heart liberal, completely behind social justice issues such as affirmative action and equal rights for all. I had had conversations with friends who suspected their children were gay. “It’s genetic. Nothing you can do about it. Accept it. Help your kid accept it,” I would tell them. But now it was on me. I questioned myself. Did I harbor a secret bias? Was it ok for other kids and families, but not mine?

Nonetheless, not being one to pussyfoot around such things, I asked Lily directly, “Are you gay?”

“NO, mom!”

“Then what happened at Names Day?”

She fed me a story that was somewhat plausible. I wanted it to be the truth. Badly. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t. Finally, after a week of pressing her, of discussions with the guidance counselor and confirming what I knew, she tearfully and angrily admitted it to her father and me.

Tight as a drum.

We fed her the usual pabulum, telling her we loved her no matter what and that she could tell us anything. But we knew the world had shifted for us all. She would have to confront things she could never have imagined. In fact, she had already received horrible and vitriolic messages on Facebook via one of their more dubious applications known as the “Honesty Box.” We would have to let go of our fantasies of a husband and traditional family life in her future. We also would have to confront our own prejudices.

I tried to tell myself it was because of the difficulties she would face as a lesbian. Being gay in our current society means life will be harder. What parent looks forward to a child confronting hate? But ultimately, I recognized it was more about my own hopes and dreams being upended. What about the boyfriend when she was thirteen? What about that boy she had a year-long, breathless crush on throughout eighth grade, just 4 months earlier? I repeatedly attempted to speak to her about it. When did you know? What can I do to help? Rarely, she would open up. Once she told me she hated being gay. It was devastating.

Mostly, she refused to discuss it.

So, I threw myself into trying to understand it through third parties, other parents’ experiences, reading up on human sexuality and taking comfort in pronouncements from knowledgeable people that sexuality wasn’t necessarily set at this age. Maybe this was just a phase she was going through. But what if it wasn’t? I was determined to learn to be a parent to a gay child and no one was going to teach me, least of all the one who best could, my daughter.

Over the next 2 years, we learned how to be a family with a difference. Lily’s coming out became old news and the focus shifted to more mundane concerns such as grades and social life. Lily herself seemed to become more comfortable with her reality. She joined the gay straight alliance club at her school and attended weekly meetings faithfully. It was one of the few things she looked forward to. I was thrilled about this development having suggested it early on and been rebuffed.

The bumps in the road continue. Lily is, of course, confronting the usual teenage disappointments: People are often not dependable, friends break promises, not everyone has the same commitment to “the cause” that you do, getting hurt is part of life. Yet, she is also learning some lessons most teens do not: That the world can be an ugly place, that it is filled with ignorance, that in the Internet age, boundaries have become elastic and people disinhibited from expressing their often vile opinions. I am sad about those lessons and wonder if the old saying is true, that they will make her stronger.

I also make mistakes. One of the first ones was early on when I shared with Lily, during one of our rare discussions, that maybe she was just going through a phase. She became enraged. I have still not lived it down.

But, slowly, we are peeling away the layers. The drum is a bit less tight.

For example, I finally received permission to reveal Lily’s secret to certain friends and relatives. I was afraid of their reactions, anticipating their ignorance and imagining how I would vent my rage should they fail my tests. They haven’t, so far. I encouraged Lily to tell my mother. She did so and was met with shock, disbelief and denial, which she blamed me for. Instead of venting rage, however, I was able, for perhaps the first time, to see things through my mother’s eyes. Her reaction had not been so different from my own. Rather than chastise and scold her, I called and calmly explained how her reaction had been hurtful. She told me she would never hurt Lily, loved her regardless of her “choices.”

Lily: “Who would choose this? Now she [you] looks at me differently.”

Me: “I spoke to her [myself]. Give her [me] some time.”

Lily: “I can’t. She [you] needs to make up her [your] mind now. I will never feel the same way about her [you].”

Me: “Well, I hope some day you can forgive her [me].”

We stepped off the train in Manhattan and then outside. The weather was perfect, a gift during a month of nearly constant rain. As we approached Fifth Avenue, Lily’s excitement and lightheartedness grew, as did mine. We found our spot along the barricades and bought our rainbow flags to wave. “This is so great,” Lily said, her beautiful face filled with joy, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement and anticipation. “It is,” I agreed.

I put my arm around her. She shrugged it off.

Postscript: Lily is now 24 and fully formed (almost ) Our family is solid. She’s a great conversation partner and very funny. She has nice friends and looks forward to getting married to the right woman one day, maybe even becoming a parent.

]]>https://www.ruthsherman.com/mother-daughter-gay-pride/feed/6How to Develop & Deliver a New Speech (or Me & Michelle Obama)https://www.ruthsherman.com/develop-deliver-new-speech-michelle-obama/
https://www.ruthsherman.com/develop-deliver-new-speech-michelle-obama/#commentsFri, 05 May 2017 16:24:05 +0000https://www.ruthsherman.com/?p=5281It is a part of my work that I truly detest... to develop and deliver a new speech. It scares me, frankly, because it's untested. But, I follow my own advice by deciding on a topic, putting it out there and seeing who bites (book the gig & worry about it later). Well, this time I got bitten with an invitation to speak at an event expecting at least 19K attendees which just announced Michelle Obama would keynote.

]]>It is a part of my work that I truly detest… how to develop and deliver a new speech. It scares me, frankly, because it’s untested. But, I follow my own advice by deciding on a topic, putting it out there and seeing who bites.

Well, this time, I got bitten by an event expecting 19,000 attendees (you read that right) and which just announce Michelle Obama would be keynoting. This insures attendance that high, and probably higher.

Even though the event isn’t until later in September, I’ve begun preparing already. This is because 1) I need to crystallize my thoughts and 2) practice to work out the kinks and deliver it as flawlessly as possible.

Most speakers won’t do this work, which is, frankly, why most speakers fail.

So I thought I’d share my process with you to show you how it can be done. Below are the steps I have taken so far and what I will continue to take until speech day:

Click here to learn by video or reading…

1. Figure out a pithy title. I looked at different media and speeches, took headlines from tabloids and magazines and plugged my own words into them and basically threw them onto a document. I realized what I do is help people get attention in a very noisy world. So my main title is ATTENTION! You see the double entendre? Then, I had to decide on a sexy subtitle. My original document contains 12 of these. I went with the one I think best goes to people’s pain: Re-igniting Focus in a World Drowning In Distraction. Yeah, I like it too. But I’m keeping the others for potential future use

2. Compose a program description. This is the title, short, descriptive paragraph and bullet points. The question I always ask myself is, “What will people take away and think about when I’m done?”

3. Send out the program description to venues looking for speakers. I have an alert set up that is “Call for Speakers.” I sent my program description to a few that came through and, voilå, one of them said yes!

4. Put together an outline. This is where I’m going to start gauging the rhythm, or how the speech moves along. Do I have enough facts vs. stories vs. audience engagement? Where’s the funny stuff?

Ok, I’m still in the outline stage, but here is what I’ll do from now on…

5. Complete the outline by the end of May. I’ll fill in the blanks and run it by some trusted advisors.

6. Start saying it out loud beginning in June. That gives me 3+ solid months to really dig in. I’ll do it a couple of times per week in June, 3x per week in July, and 4-5x per week in August. There will be some time off for vacation. I’ll likely bring in my speech coach who will be able to give me objective feedback and criticism about it all — material, rhythm, and delivery.

7. Put the finishing touches on in September. I’ll practice this speech every day. It should be well-learned by then, but I know new things will pop into my mind as the big day approaches. It won’t change in any big way, but I’m flexible.

By the time the event happens, I’ll be so ready and confident that it’s good, I’ll be excited instead of terrified, and terrified is what I am right now. :-0

And that’s how you develop and deliver a new speech. It’s not easy and it’s not quick. But it’s powerful as well as the fastest way to personal, corporate, brand, and sales success.