A married couple's take on domination and submission

Purpose of a Dominant

As a dominant, or if you prefer “a Dominant” I am always amused by the writing I see that says a submissive’s purpose is to serve.

While it is accurate that a submissive takes pleasure in meeting the needs of others, specifically their Domiant, that Dominant also has a number of responsibilities to their submissive(s).

First and formost, the Domiant has the responsibility for caring for the submissive. That includes providing direction, protection and nurturing the submissive.

What it does not include is abuse. It may, at times, include correction and pain play but these are consensual services provided because the submissive has asked for them as part of the agreement between the individuals involved. A submissive may agree to a list of rules and in the event that they break one of the rules there is an agreed upon correction provided.

A Dominant’s role is to provide, to the best of their abilities direction for a submissive. This direction should seek to help the submissive with an issue, limit, or goal. One example could be making a submissive sit down and paint for 20 minutes a day because they have a passion for art but always let other things get in the way.

One of the things I had my wife/submissive do was create a list of her daily tasks. When she first stated doing it I believe her exact words were “This is stupid.”

Now, she makes a list every day. Not because I make her, but because she has discovered the satisfaction that comes from looking at her list and crossing things out.

Score one for the husband!

My submissive wife and I take pleasure in the small rituals that we have, such as her wearing a “formal” collar during the day kneeling before me each night to replace it with a leather collar for play and sleeping. In turn, that same ritual occurs in the morning.

For us, we came to D/s after being married for quite a while, so it enhanced an already strong relationship and gave us new challenges to face.

As I read other blogs or “talk” with people on Twitter I am always shocked at the number of people that talk about how they had relationships with dominants that treated them like doormats. Closer to a master and slave role but without establishing that was what they wanted.

Unreasonable rules would come up, such as having to respond to text messages in under five minutes even when working or that family was not as important as being at the call of the dominant. Which for a mother or father would have to be difficult even in the closest relationship.

Above all, a Dominant has to be realistic. If a submissive is willing to give you a leading role in their life, you have to treat that with care. There should absolutely be expectations; but they have to be reasonable. If you are dating a single mother with two jobs, she is probably not going to be able to cook you breakfast everyday in the nude. If you are Dominating a single father with three active boys, you will have to accept that he is going to coach a baseball team or have to get a kid to a hockey game.

When establishing your rules and protocols the real world has to be taken into account. A Dominant will be able to make their rules fit the reality of the situation, not try to force the situation to fit their rules.