Hope through the dark places

Grief Brings Its Own Fears

One of the side effects of losing a loved one, is the fear of suffering another loss.

Some time after my husband’s death, the due date of my daughter and son-in-law’s baby approached.

My fears soared. With the hospital located forty-five minutes away, what if they don’t make it there in time? Give birth in the backseat of their car? What if they drive through a winter white-out and crash? After all, we lived in the middle of the Snowbelt. And it was winter. Something could go horribly wrong…

Okay, this is irrational. This is crazy. This is grief.

I tried talking myself down. Tried distracting myself. But dusting every nook and cranny in my entire house didn’t cut it for me. Too much time to think. My stomach knotted and exhaustion fell over me like a cloudburst. Everything seemed irrelevant in comparison to the safety of this birth.

God, help!

And, as He had done for my husband before his death, He did for me. I was at peace.

The child of my child was born in the wee hours of a morning. They had arrived at the hospital in plenty of time, during weather’s pause between a blizzard and an ice storm.

I swung over to a manic high.

What or who have you feared losing since the death of your loved one? How did you cope?

I’ve had a few fears over the years most important one I turned it around positively is …
My fear of losing my cousins after their mother passed away!

For a while after my aunt passed away I wasn’t allowed to see her kids due to silly family problems that fear gave me courage to bring the family back together & the kids over to my side!!
It was a three months process, but I came out a winner!
If I hadn’t done that I wouldn’t be so close to them right now!
It’s one fear I would never regret!! & I’d never take away for granted!

I think the most important thing about fear is that we know what we’re afraid of, that’s enough for us to get through sometimes.
I really admire all of the members bravery to discuss those fears!!

I too had fears of losing another close loved one after my husband died about 2-1/2 years ago. Having parents that I am extremely close to that are getting up in years I still watch over them like a hawk. If and when their time comes I am comforted in the thought that they are right with God and that they are prepared to go whenever that time may come. This type of fear used to bother me constantly for quite some time, but now I just cope with it better than I have in the past. Please feel comforted in the thought that you are not alone in this feeling.

Sandi,
I have fears of something horrible happening to one of my children. I have two teenage sons. When they are home later than normal or do not return a phone call, I get very anxious. My oldest son is 500 miles away in college and I worry about him so much. I try not to let the boys know I am so fearful. I pray so much for my boys. I will also admit that at times I am still so angry at God for Sam passing away, I do not know how to pray. I tell God I am angry and he will have to know my heart because my feelings of anger and fear have taken control. Grief is not an easy journey and there are so many different stages and feelings.
Thankful you are talking about fear. I am anxious to see what others say as well.

"Words of wisdom from those who have had to walk through grief: be gracious/patient/forgiving when we forget appointments, change our minds at the last minute, don't return phone calls, act a lil' crazy."
Kelly Schleyer Powers

"You do not work through bereavement. It works through you."
Virginia Ironside,
'You'll Get Over It'-The Rage of Bereavement

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
Washington Irving

"I wish you would've told me," she said, "that losing you would be like losing my life."
...taken from author, Mary De Muth's novel, The Muir House.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

"In a world rocky with human failure, there is a land lush with divine mercy. Your Shepherd invites you there. He wants you to lie down. Nestle deeply until you are hidden, buried, in the tall shoots of his love, and there you will find rest."
...Max Lucado,Traveling Light