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We don’t have an easy way to break this to you, so we’ll just come out and say it: Afghan knockout artist Siyar Bahadurzada has been sent to live with our friend who owns a farm upstate. He’ll be able to frolic in an open field to his heart’s desire, and he’ll have plenty of friends to play with. Because of this, he won’t be fighting at UFC 149 against Chris Clements.

Just kidding, he’s out with an undisclosed injury. What, you actually believed your parents when they told you your dog was living on a farm upstate? That’s adorable.

I don’t always go to weddings. But when I do, I am almost interesting.

When it was announced that Rory MacDonald had suffered an injury and pulled out of his upcoming bout with BJ Penn at UFC 152, Penn seemed content to sit out and wait for MacDonald to heal. Because the fight against MacDonald was Penn’s motivation to come out of retirement, BJ Penn appears to be, dare I say, determined to fight the heir apparent to Georges St. Pierre. Yet despite Penn’s plans to wait for MacDonald, both Jon Fitch and Siyar Bahadurzada have volunteered to step in on short notice to fight BJ Penn.

It’s not hard to figure out why either man wants this fight, yet it’s doubtful that we’ll be still seeing BJ Penn across the cage from one of them any time soon.

Perhaps the more transparent – and also less likely to come to fruition – callout of the two is Jon Fitch’s casual suggestion that he should be fighting BJ Penn at UFC 153. I say this because Jon Fitch already has an opponent for UFC 153, and it is none other than Brazilian wrecking ball Erick Silva. As we’ve pointed out when the fight was booked, Silva is anything but a rebound fight for the thirty four year old AKA product. Considering that Fitch hasn’t won a fight since he beat Thiago Alves two years ago, a loss to Silva – which is certainly not outside the realm of possibility – can easily end his hopes of ever earning another title shot in the UFC.

Bahadurzada last competed in Russia back in May, where he capped off a devastating run through the United Glory 2010 World Series with a second round TKO over Tommy Depret to take home the gold. Well, it was more then likely coal, but you get what I’m saying. Anyway, Bahadurzada hasn’t tasted defeat since two-time UFC washout Jorge Santiago heel hooked him back at a 2008 Sengoku event.

As a bonus, I’ve included Siyar’s quarterfinal match against Derrick Noble and his championship-earning victory over Depret after the jump.

The Shooto light-heavyweight champ will be facing off against Kazuo Misaki at tomorrow’s Sengoku event in Tokyo. Bahadurzada has sick knockout power and an interesting personal history, so watch the vid and be informed.

Thiago made his UFC debut in February 2009 as a 10-0 prospect, carrying a rad backstory as a B.O.P.E. supercop. He was immediately thrown to the wolves, drawing Josh Koscheck as his debut opponent at UFC 95. Koscheck was a heavy favorite to beat the unheralded newcomer. Instead, this happened:

Thiago dropped a decision to Jon Fitch in his next outing, but then posted back to back wins against Jacob Volkmann and Mike Swick. Suddenly, Paulo Thiago seemed like a legitimate threat in the welterweight division. Unfortunately, that was essentially his career peak in the UFC. He would never win two consecutive fights again, and the opponents he lost to went from top-of-the-food-chain (Martin Kampmann, Diego Sanchez) to pretty dangerous (Siyar Bahadurzada, Dong Hyun Kim) to downright obscure (Brandon Thatch, Gasan Umalatov). The last time people were talking about Paulo Thiago, it was because of his gig working security at the World Cup.

Before his latest loss to Sean Spencer, Thiago signed a new four-fight deal with the UFC, but of course, UFC contracts can be ended at any time by the promoter, because they’re not exactly “contracts” in the traditional sense; don’t get me started. Good luck with your next gig, Paulo.

United Glory announced today that it will be postponing its planned October “World Series” event until December and that the first show of the 2011-2012 kickboxing and MMA tournament, which will happen in Moscow, will feature Golden Glory standouts Semmy Schilt, Sergei Kharitonov, Siyar Bahadurzada and Errol Zimmerman.

Bahadurzada is coming off a quick and brutal first round knockout of Paulo Thiago at UFC on FUEL 2, the first stoppage loss of Thiago’s career. The win instantly put the welterweight division on notice, and a victory over Alves would further cement Bahadurzada’s status amongst the division’s elite. To be fair, Alves has been struggling a bit as of late, sandwiching a first round submission win over Papy Abedi at UFC 138 between a decision loss to Rick Story at UFC 130 and a most recent submission loss to Martin Kampmann at UFC on FX 2. Despite the fact that “Pitbull” seemed on his way to a clear cut decision victory in that fight, an ill-timed takedown at the end of the third round provided Kampmann all the leeway he would need to snatch up a fight-ending guillotine choke.

Alves should not have to fear the submission prowess of Bahadurzada coming into this one, as two of his four losses have come by way of submission — the most recent of which was a first round heel hook to Jorge Santiago at Sengoku – Sixth Battle back in 2008. What we’re saying is, expect a brawl, Potato Nation, because what appeared to be a decent scrap at first glance has now been updated to an early candidate for Fight of the Night and/or Knockout of the Night.

In his past two contests, Kim has clung to Paulo Thiago and Siyar Bahadurzada like a shower curtain in a slight breeze en route to a pair of UD victories, improving his UFC record to 8-2-1 NC with exactly 1 stoppage victory. So let’s hope that Silva has drastically improved his takedown defense since the Fitch fight, or we’ll surely be in for another grip-n-trip clinic. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Then again, the UFC was able to book a hell of a replacement opponent for Fabricio Werdum in Mark Hunt, and an interim title fight between the two is probably the best thing us fans could ask for, all things considered. Late replacement main events are always a mixed bag, but before we start rioting, let’s all take a deep breath and try to remember a few last-minute headliners that actually worked out…

The Good

UFC 128: Shogun vs. Jones

(This and all photos hereafter via Getty.)

That’s right, the event that marked the beginning of the end for light heavyweights with title aspirations was never meant to happen.

Having just ended the Machida Era™ at UFC 113 in stunning fashion, Mauricio Rua was actually scheduled to face Rashad Evans at UFC 128 until a knee injury forced the latter out of the contest. Rua, who had just had his own knee repaired following the Machida fight, was then matched up against a resurgent and likeable at the time contender named Jon Jones, who had unleashed an And-1 mixtape of asskicking on Ryan Bader just two events prior.

Although it was Rua who held the tremendous experience edge, it was Jones who would dominate the fight from start to finish. Flying knees, oblique kicks, and likely an eye poke or five from the challenger had Rua in defense mode until a particularly vicious knee put him away in the third round. Despite being called up to the biggest fight of his life on a month’s notice, Jones emerged a champion and sent a chilling message to the rest of the light heavyweight division.

That message: “Hey pussy, are you still there? None of you will ever defeat me.”