Accidental Racism in the Jewish World

A “harmless” joke highlights the problem of racial sensitivity in some sectors of the Jewish community.

Earlier this year, my wife attended a program on Jewish education. The presenter made a seemingly harmless joke:

“A couple stopped having children after their fourth, because they read a study that said that every fifth child born in America is Asian.”

There was no way for him to know that among the sea of white faces in the audience, one of them was married to me.

I contacted the presenter to inform him that his joke was racially insensitive (it implies that having an Asian child is a negative outcome to be avoided). His first reaction was not to apologize, but to explain.

“The joke is not about race.”
“It doesn’t really disparage Asians.”
“I ran it by some Asian friends!”
“I teach courses on cultural diversity, so I’m well-versed in hot button issues like racism.”

The irony of that last point eluded him.

I responded by quoting the cardinal rule of comedy: If you need to explain your joke, the joke isn’t funny. The lesser-known corollary : If you need to explain why your joke isn’t racist, the joke is racist.

He eventually did apologize. “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted my joke.” In other words, the fault lay with the person who found the joke offensive, not the teller. It was a stunning abdication of responsibility – from a professional educator, no less.

I do not believe the presenter is racist. By all accounts, he is an upstanding, civic-minded, Torah-abiding Jew – the polar opposite of a white supremacist brandishing bigotry and tiki torches. He is not an agent of hate. And one joke in poor taste does not a racist make.

But racism exists on a spectrum. The hateful invective of neo-Nazis, Ku Klux Klansmen, and gun-wielding domestic terrorists occupies one extreme. The other encompasses a far subtler form of racism: the inborn, unconscious biases that shape the worldview of anyone raised in a predominantly white society.

It is not malicious. Most people are not even aware of it. It manifests most commonly as a lack of racial sensitivity – a gaping blind spot to the perspectives of marginalized peoples. It finds expression in comments and questions and jokes that seem harmless, but are actually hurtful.

And it is distressingly common in the Jewish world.

My life as a convert has been charmed. In the 12 years since I joined the Jewish people, I’ve enjoyed the wholehearted embrace of countless families and individuals who have gone out of their way to make me feel like a vital thread in the broader tapestry of Judaism. They’ve welcomed me with open arms and shown me nothing but acceptance and friendship.

Tolerance is a hallmark of Judaism, and I can attest to its truth.

It comes as no surprise that I have never experienced overt racism from fellow Jews. No taunts of “go home, Bruce Lee!” which I heard as a child in the suburbs, and even occasionally as an adult in the streets of Manhattan. Tolerance is a hallmark of Judaism, and I can attest to its truth.

However, to say that I have not experienced any racism whatsoever would be a lie.

I have heard children chant “ching chong, ching chong!” in my presence at Shabbos tables. I have heard adults quip that someone was so tired that their eyes “looked Asian.” I have been asked by the Jewish owner of a neighboring town’s kosher Chinese restaurant if I was a customer or one of the cooks. I have been complimented for speaking without an accent (never mind that I was born and raised in New York).

At their core, these “innocent” comments touch a raw nerve shared by every minority in America. They boil us down to physical traits, linguistic sounds, or vocations. They dehumanize, reducing individuals to stereotypes and tropes. They make us feel different, “othered,” and lesser. We are conditioned to think of ourselves as outsiders, and these comments reinforce that insecurity.

And the effects are amplified for children.

Our youngest son came home from playgroup one day and showed us a new trick he learned from his friends. Using his fingers, he lifted up the corners of his eyes – a universally-recognized gesture used to make fun of Asians. Thankfully, my son is still too young to know what it means. It’s even possible that the boys he learned it from are unaware of its hurtful implications.

But they did it. No teacher or parent stopped it. And I worry about all the teasing and taunts – playful or otherwise – in the years to come.

This is how it starts. The innocent schtick of children becomes the careless insensitivity of adults. An educator stands before a roomful of parents and uses a marginalized group as a punchline – and nearly every parent laughs. Those same parents perpetuate the ignorance by passing it on to the next generation: their children. My children’s peers.

The presenter may not be racist. The parents may not be racist. But the possibility that the joke is racist never crossed their minds. Perhaps not surprising, given how insular and homogenous many Orthodox communities tend to be. Children are largely shielded from an outside world that is far more diverse than what they see at home. Growing up with no regular contact with Asian, Hispanic, or black people, they never learn what is (or isn’t) socially appropriate to say to them.

It doesn’t help that formal Jewish education can sometimes compound the problem. Some schools cultivate an “us against them” mentality that frames all non-Jews as evil. Yes, Jews and non-Jews are different, and have different missions in this world. But the Jewish claim to the status of “chosen people” does not correspondingly relegate all other peoples to sub-human status. After all, non-Jews are also created in the image of God.

Yet I have heard children declare that “Hashem gave the Torah to the Jews, not the goyim,” or that “the goyim destroyed the Beis HaMikdash.” And their tone strongly suggests they are being taught that goyim means “those people who are lesser than us.”

I pray that my children never learn this lesson. After all, their father used to be a goy.

I’ve refrained from speaking out in the past for fear of being labeled “hyper-sensitive” or “too PC.” I’ve heard some Jews suggest that political correctness is a tool used by millennials and liberals to stifle the free speech of anyone who disagrees with them. To which I respond:

That’s easy for a white person to say.

Political correctness gives a voice to muted minorities who historically have been silenced by a loud majority. We live in a time when marginalized groups are finally feeling empowered to speak out. Shaming us for being “too PC” is an attempt to maintain the old status quo. It is stifling our free speech – not the other way around.

I’ve seen Jews roll their eyes when African Americans decry the use of blackface by white performers. I’ve heard Jews dismiss Native Americans who condemn the Cleveland Indians mascot as an offensive caricature. I wonder if those same Jews were as forgiving when a popular clothing retailer released a line of striped pajamas resembling concentration camp uniforms from the Holocaust.

I wonder if people who grumble about political correctness are really concerned about free speech – or if the political correctness is forcing them to take a hard, uncomfortable look at their own biases and prejudices.

Yes, we all have freedom of speech – liberal or conservative, minority or white. But we do not have the freedom to hurt. You have the right to speak your mind. But you do not have the right to make my children feel lesser for who they are. Indeed, causing pain through our words is considered one of the most serious transgressions of the Torah.

Among the many reasons the Talmud cites for the destruction of the Temple was the inability of Jews to put themselves in each other’s shoes. This failure to empathize, to truly understand what it means to be someone else, continues to plague us to this day.

So I choose words, not silence. The Jewish world is becoming more and more diverse – and as a father of children who epitomize that diversity, I feel a responsibility to call out racial insensitivity when I see it. Not to cause trouble. Not to shame or point fingers. But to educate. To inspire people to think before they speak and consider how their words can impact others.

Ultimately, the presenter relented. While he declined to abandon the joke entirely, he resolved to change it to make it less problematic for Asians. I am grateful – both for his willingness to do better, and for the lessons we all can take from this episode:

Learn to take the feelings of others into account when we speak.

Recognize our own biases and prejudices.

Believe others when they express and share their pain.

Together, we can raise awareness of racial sensitivity within the Jewish community. We can break the cycle of ignorance and inaugurate the path to empathy and inclusion.

Good for you! Could not have been said better. We must teach our children tolerance and not only kindness but sensitivity and acceptance. Pride in our own identity should never denigrate another. That is our role in this world, not arrogance.

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Valery Carter,
September 10, 2019 4:19 PM

There are Jews of all races.

There are Jews of many races.

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Anonymous,
September 8, 2019 9:04 PM

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

As a JOC (the C being a bit darker than you) I can't thank you enough for your article!!! You captured the essence of racism in our communities. I can understand someone making an insensitive remark without realizing it's insensitive. With limited contact outside the frum world, that person might simply not know it's the wrong thing to say. But when someone corrects you for saying the wrong thing, you should be grateful. You should apologize (and, if necessary, ask what is the correct thing to say) and thank that person for correcting you so you can stop doing a chillul Hashem every time you open your mouth. You should NOT accuse the listener of being "too sensitive," nor should you be dismissive of his/her feelings. I'm gonna stop now. No, just one more thing; THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(152)
Edward Lasher,
September 8, 2019 4:39 PM

Need to increase awareness of making comments that may be hurtful to others even though being hurtful to others was not intentional

Excellent article that should increase the awareness of people about making comments that can be hurtful even though the intentions of these people may not be to "put down" or hurt other individuals or groups. Too many times we simply do not think and realize that what we say can have these disturbing or hurtful effects on others even though that wasn't the purpose.

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Anonymous,
September 8, 2019 3:17 AM

Don't all people want their children to look like them??

Hi, at risk of sounding obtuse may I present a simple factor which makes the joke not racist??Isn't human nature - across all races and ethnicities to want your children to look like you and carry on your cultural heritage? If so then the joke isn't racist - its just a joke that can pertain to any of the 93% of america that isn't Asian.Of course the presenter could have covered ALL bases by following it with another joke about an asion couple who stopped after in Hong Kong who stopped after 14 b/c they heard that 5% of ppl there are white... Doubtful he woulda got any laughs though, which is sorta the point of a joke...

Another point:

I come from a non-chasidic background. I recall being at a simcha where a chasidic comedian performed, he said a couple of jokes about "litvaks" (non-chasidic jews) which were quite funny and thoroughly enjoyable! I recall saying them over to friends who enjoyed them as well. Humanity is not made of one unidentifiable glob of people, but many unique and diverse types. Let's be honest, there's plenty to laugh at/poke fun of in all of them, and, as long as its done in good cheer and without malice why not allow ourselves to laugh?? Heaven knows we can use it...

In the words of the all time great Jackie Mason, why can't we enjoy the humor of "an equal opportunity offender?"

Just kidding. Seriously.

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Anonymous,
September 6, 2019 3:37 AM

Thank you

Thank you for opening an important topic and helping us to think deeply about how we are meant to relate to others — Jews born into the faith, non-Jews, and converts to Judaism. Not only is it important to monitor and assess our own words and behaviours, it is essential to teach our children appropriately by behaving well ourselves, by calling attention to their misstatements and misconducts, and by speaking up in public situations rather than being bystanders. This includes paying attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. As well, Jewish schools can institute staff training and parent workshops to broaden understanding of and sensitivity to the racial and ethnic diversity of the Jewish people. Administrations at Jewish schools, especially because of the almost homogeneous student bodies, can plan class trips to visit and become aware of minority communities in their cities. When someone feels insulted and demeaned, for the perpetrator to insist that his good intentions are all that matters devalues or dismisses the other person’s emotional experience. By implying that the complainant is too sensitive or even irrational adds insult to injury. Every one of us must take responsibility for our actions and, when we err, apologize and strive to do better. Thank you again.

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Anonymous,
September 5, 2019 7:39 PM

Thank you

This is such a beautiful article. You are right on the mark but found a way to be gentle and respectful in your explanation. That you took the time to write the article demonstrates your confidence that most people want to be sensitive, once corrected.

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Anonymous,
September 3, 2019 11:05 PM

very good

Your words are so carefully chosen , and your message so filled with love and respect for the people and concern for everyone's feelings. This is Ahavat Israel for sure.Much success!

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Deena,
September 3, 2019 8:42 AM

I understand your feelings

Hi,As a Jewish person who has seen antisemitism and experienced stares, I fully understand you. AND YET, I completely disagree. My squinting my eyes as a child was not to make fun of Asian people, it was to try out a different look on my face. I agree that the joke by the instructor could be taken out of context and understood as racist, but I would assume that a Caucasian couple would not want their biological child to look like a different race. Not Asian, Albanian, nor Siberian. It has nothing to do with racism. And yes, Jews were given special elevated souls in order to bring the world to a more G-dly state by being good examples and helping others. Does that mean that Goyim are not of the same level? Yes, on a soul level. Does that mean that Goyim are all bad, stupid, evil? No.We are all Jews. Period. You can make fun of my pearly white skin. You can make fun of my blue eyes. I may not like it, but does that mean that you're a racist? No. It may mean that you have bad middos and are looking at the outside rather than the inside.And no, having to explain to someone who is very sensitive to racism that your joke is not racist does not make a joke racist. It means that someone is trying to explain their side of things. I will fully agree that this instructor is not well learned in the art of apologizing and did not really apologize. I think that a lot of white people (Jews or non Jews) are tired of hearing that everything is about race. Making a comment about race is completely pareve unless there is negativity attached to that statement. Please accept my true apology for any and all hurtful statements made by any of the Jewish people regarding your race or conversion.You are a blessed blessed member of our nation and hold a special place in our's and Hashem's eyes. And may all of us start looking with/feeling love towards everyone in this world, Jew or non-Jew so that we can all bring us towards the final redemption. Thank you for expressing your feelings.

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Nechama,
September 2, 2019 9:06 PM

excellent and timely

When the Jewish people are fracturing, not identifying with our contributions to the world, parents for what ever reasons not teaching or encouraging our children to be proud about giving the world Torah teachings about kindness, learning and reason,,,to be moral and virtuous not materialistic.This is the destruction of our heritage and society.We are "chosen" to be a "light unto the nations" to DO things as Jews,,not as anyone superior to others but as examples for our children and others, created in the image of G--.The young hear what we say,,,but do what we do,,,beware.

Anonymous,
September 4, 2019 12:18 PM

Baruch Hashem !

Best post ever ! Thank you !

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Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 3:11 PM

Don't be so sensitive

Three takeaways I had had from this article. 1) What an amazing country we live in - where immigrants and children of immigrants have the opportunity to enjoy freedom and prosperity denied them in their country of origin. 2) What an amazing community is the Passaic Orthodox community, although relatively insular, welcomes so warmly and completely a convert from a different ethnicity. 3) How pernicious is today's climate of victimhood and hyper racial sensitivity that such an intelligent and privileged (don't read into that word) person like Aryeh sees bigotry where it doesn't exist. I was struck by his repeated reference to 'white people' and 'marginalized communities' - this betrays the influence of today's leftest race baiting - dividing us between white and colored, male and female, privileged and marginalized. The rabbi's joke was inappropriate, but not egregious enough for an article decrying his insensitivity. Comments from children are not indicative of biases learned at home. When I was a kid - other kids with glasses, red hair, curly hair, 'funny names' were all mercilessly teased. I don't think they learned this from home. I think just about everyone in the Jewish community (a few jerks are always going to exist) are thrilled to have a mensch like Aryeh as part of their community. He made the bold decision to join a community that looks a bit different than him. Although nobody really cares of this difference, at times he's going to be made aware of this fact - as would anyone who chooses to live in a community where they look different. Appreciate all the good in your life and be grateful and appreciative and be thankful you don't know what true marginalization and prejudice is (eg. blacks in pre-civil rights South or Jews in turn of the century Eastern Europe).

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Esther,
September 2, 2019 3:09 AM

Guard speech

Thank you for the article- it is so important to make people aware of hurtful speech even when unintentional. I also am a ger and have been accepted in a wonderful community. But I disagree with the author’s point that these comments come from people because they are white. Jews have been oppressed more than any other group. I believe these types of comments are more based on the natural tendency to note differences among groups. It could be blacks among blacks or historically in white European culture between elites and commoners. Those are just two examples- it can be in almost any group. I think it is healthier to not think of oneself as a victim of oppression but to not let it affect you. Take the high road and point out how it may be hurtful and then things slowly change for the better (with much davening).

Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 4:08 AM

to Esther

Very well said! - the author made comments about whites being racist in an article that could have been written with the understanding that humans act in a certain way, regardless of their skin color. As you mention, it has happened and it is happening as we speak (write) for example- Tutsis against Hutus,(Rwanda)-in Sudan, between different groups-in India, with its cast system, I think we have plenty of case around the world,to back up the fact that it is a human behavior-not a white people's trait-

Messody,
September 2, 2019 12:58 PM

Best comment out of all of them. ???

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Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 2:38 AM

Us Against Them

Mr. Ho's suggestion about the "us against them" outlook has me questioning myself at age 70. It doesn't do us (whoever "us" is) any good to assume that "everyone else is against us". I feel uncomfortable, but that's probably a sign of growth, and for that I thank Mr. Ho.

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Anonymous,
September 1, 2019 10:00 PM

Just terrific

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Anonymous,
September 1, 2019 4:14 AM

People's conclusions

Living in an environment for 15 years that really fostered bigotry, or racism, as well as living in a state that has been known for its racist attitudes towards native americans, hispanics and blacks, I can empathize with this article, especially now having converted to the faith.

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Bernard Miller,
August 30, 2019 2:22 PM

Your words should reach the ears and hearts of every Jew.

Your thoughtful and articulate article should be taken very seriously and touch the heart of every Jewish person. You wrote without anger without invective and in the style of a most kind and thoughtful dedicated teacher.

Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 3:45 AM

not without resentment

While the topic of being sensitive towards others status,ethnicity,feeling etc it is necessary in every community, I have felt resentment from the author's words;an example: "And their tone strongly suggests they are being taught that goyim means “those people who are lesser than us.” Mr Ho is referring to children talking about the given of the Torah or the destruction of our Temple,and he is judging that those children were taught goyim are lesser than.. they may as well just stating a fact. Maybe the tone reflected another type of feeling- As Mr Ho may know, we are taught to judge favorable - That is not to say that he may have reason to feel that way, but as far as a thoughtful article, I am not agreed.

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Anonymous,
August 30, 2019 9:42 AM

Why single out "whites" as being racist?

"That’s easy for a white person to say"...i hate to break it to you but white people are not the only group to harbour racist attitudes or be racially insensitive and to wag a finger at that group alone is hypocritical at best. To make assumptions about any group of peole is distatesteful. Its not about majorites or minorities...its about ingrouping and outgrouping at someone elses expense. You write about an important issue but that comment was a shame. #Pots & kettles

Raymond,
August 30, 2019 7:54 PM

White Racism

It is considered politically correct to be racist against White people.

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Chaim,
August 30, 2019 2:08 AM

Very courageous

Well written, and courageous. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights.

Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 4:22 AM

courageous?

where is the courage when the author writes: ." I wonder if those same Jews were as forgiving when a popular clothing retailer released a line of striped pajamas resembling concentration camp uniforms from the Holocaust." comparing the atrocities of the Holocaust with the offense taken at painting a face black or using a caricature as mascot ?not to down play the feelings of each group, they have their reasons- but to compare that to what an insensitive and antisemitic chain of clothes as Zara (from Spain) making a mockery of what our people were forced to wear on those deplorable conditions, it really pain me. The initial topic referring to being sensitive about the feelings of others could have been of great contribution, without some of the remarks Mr Ho has made through out the article. Not courageous when you use the most painful recent collective memory- in this way.

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Anonymous,
August 29, 2019 7:48 PM

Thank you

Thank you for such a well written article. It’s clear from the comments, that our community has a long way to go.

Klaudya,
September 2, 2019 5:13 AM

Our community has come already a long wayy

In another view, we could say, that our community as come already a long way. If you think about it,we have survived exile,pogroms, the inquisition, holocaust and we are trying to keep our homeland safe and free. We have welcome converts,since always, however we don't persecute people that believe different to us. We gave human kind more than one gift-( book The Gifts of the Jews by Thomas Cahill) and we strive every day to serve our Creator. What I think happened here with some of the comments, is that since the article shows some resentment, it hurt and offended people as well. I don't see anything outrageous to answer what you think, being offended by an article about being offended- gives you the choice to express your opinion. I think everyone recognize the need to be sensitive towards others,but judge and assumed tones means this or that-or stereotyping white people- falls in the same category of insensitive comments.

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Rabbi Aryeh Moshen,
August 29, 2019 6:23 PM

I am offended

As someone who has a Japanese-American Ger cousin by marriage and who has mentored a score of Asian or African Gerim,, I am highly offended by any remarks that imply Judaism is a Caucasian-only group. And this goes to my upbringing in which we considered ourselves (Jews by birth) to be neither white nor black. We were Jews whether white, off-white, or dark-skinned;, back in those days non-Jews came in colors, we did not. Now, seventy years later it is time that no one should be classified by color or origin. All comments of ethnic backgrounds should have been retired at least a generation ago.

Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 4:29 AM

agreed

Agreed with you Rabbi Moshen,a Jew is a Jew.

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Dovid R,
August 29, 2019 4:33 PM

important article but room for legitimate debate

Thank you for posting this important article, and the author is 100% right that this is something which requires more awareness.

However, as the author noted, racism exists on a spectrum. This spectrum extends from the extreme of open hatred down to mild bigotry and condescension, and down to the opposite extreme of insensitivity to the feelings of someone who might feel different.

That being said, there is the opposite far end of the spectrum - which includes things such as comments which are simply not racist, and are only perceived as such by people who view themselves as different and so are oversensitive.

I happen to feel that the joke the author began with is an example of this. Here are a few indicators of this:

(a) The joke showed no approval of negative feelings towards Asians. It was only a background to poke fun of illogical thinking.

(b) "Asian" could have been replaced with any other minority. It had nothing to do with the joke.

In such cases, context is very important. I'd be the first to admit that if I heard a non-Jew make a similar joke, referring to Jews instead of Asians, I would be uncomfortable. But since Jews in general have no particular history of disdain for Asians - certainly not the presenter nor probably anyone in the audience - it could safely be concluded that no harm at all was meant, and no offense should have been taken. The joke contained not the slightest intimation of approval for the attitude of the imaginary couple. It was clearly no more than the backdrop of a harmless joke.

Although no one likes to be thought of as different, at times it can be equally bizarre and artificial to pretend there are no differences whatsoever between races - or between men and women for that matter. There is nothing bigoted about referring to simple facts such as that Asians have slanted eyes, so long at it is not brought up to point out how strange and different they are. We all have differences, and we shouldn't be put down on account of them, yet it would be equally strange if everyone just pretended we were all the same.

David,
September 1, 2019 4:01 AM

I fully agree with this analysis

In fact, although there are some legitimate points made in the article, by using the so called "racist" joke as the opening point of the article, it proves that in the majority, the view expressed in the article is based more upon the author's hypersensitivity rather than society's inherent bias.

Nina Kotek,
September 1, 2019 10:00 AM

There are other variants of this joke which show it's about ignorance of statistics

I checked, and there are variations which go:" Why are you studying Mandarin at your age, Mrs. Cohen??" "I'm expecting again, and they say every fifth person in the world is Chinese!"

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Sholom Simon,
August 29, 2019 2:37 PM

Thanks for writinig this

Good for you for writing this. If Judaism teaches us anything, it's that words matter. If learning Torah and Gemara teaches us anything, it's that even a single letter matters.

" If Judaism teaches us anything, it's that words matter. If learning Torah and Gemara teaches us anything, it's that even a single letter matters."

and you are celebrating how the author is stereotyping people? remember that Torah also teaches us to rebuke with Love, and it doesn't seem to me like that in some of his writing.

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Hilel Salomon,
August 29, 2019 1:54 PM

I appreciate the article

As someone who speaks, reads and writes Chinese and whose wife is Chinese, I was happy to read an article which taught me something about racial sensitivity. Up until I read it, I wouldn't have thought that the joke could be hurtful. I do now. My youngest son is married to a Korean and his children are the only ones of my grandchildren who look Asian. When my Korean daughter-in-law gave birth to her first child, she actually apologized that the little girl was so Asian. I assured her that it made no difference to me, but I joked that my Chinese wife might not be pleased. She realized that I was joking and that it truly made no difference what our grandchildren looked like. They are Jews, as are the Indian, Yemeni and other Jews who don't fit the stereotypes of Ashkenazis. Good luck.

Anonymous,
September 2, 2019 5:34 AM

Mazel Toc

You and your wife seems to have a wonderful family! it is uplifting to see someone that celebrate your own diversity in your Jewish family.

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Rachel,
August 29, 2019 12:46 AM

Misunderstanding

You missed the joke

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Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 8:41 PM

I don't get it

What actually os hurtful about saying that someone was so tired that their eyes “looked Asian”? It's like saying that someone has such a strong tan that he looks Moroccan! ???I was with a group of Ethiopian-Israeli religious leaders on a trip to an electric plant and we passed a bunch of large coal piles, and one of the leaders joked to the other out loud, "You better not fall in there, they'll never be able to find you!" Everyone laughed! "Being asked by the Jewish owner of a kosher Chinese restaurant if I was a customer or one of the cooks" - if he didn't know, then it would be OK?? Being complimented for speaking without an accent - obviously they thought you were not born in NY! Are people never allowed to say a word about how others look, where they were born, and the like? Perhaps we should not say "I'm going boating tomorrow" because maybe someone's relative died in a boating accident?? For those of you who can't relate to what I'm saying, I'm sorry, but neither can I relate to regulating what society members can say down to this resolution. I don't believe it's correct to make people feel they can't speak out loud without having to worry that someone doesn't like this or that word. People have said things that made me feel bad many many times - should I censure all of them? Every single immigrant group to a new country, and every group that is a bit different in some way, has gone through this - and have come out of it all the stronger! I wish society would just grow up and learn to deal with slight difficulties and hardships like a man! (Uh oh, I think I just offended someone... :)

South Wilson,
August 28, 2019 10:33 PM

I hear you

There is a difference between racism and jokes. Everyone must always be sensitive to others, and that includes thinking in advance whether the joke you would like to make might make someone feel hurt. But that has zero to do with racism!The author is very welcomed into the Jewish community; he is as Jewish as those who welcome him are. He is also entitled to be hurt by various comments - but it won't get him very far. Just like when his, or my, children say that someone insulted them, we would try to teach them to be strong and get over it, so that they will be able to function happily and positively in society. The same is true for this writer.And finally, I would like to add all those who knee-jerkedly agree with everything the author wrote, should carefully review their own actions and see how many times they make "mistakes." It's easy to agree with people who complain about injustice - and much harder to actually think about it and determine whether it really is injustice.

JB,
August 30, 2019 6:48 AM

Yeah, you don't get it

It really isn't that hard to avoid saying racist things. The hypothetical boat flap isn't a good example because it has nothing to do with ethnic or racial background. And whether other people should get over insensitive remarks that have to do with their racial or religious background isn't for you to decide. Racially insensitive remarks shouldn't be the norm and it's quite insane that you are defending them when the author has just explained how he has been offended by them. If we as a people are to progress and be valued members of society, then we need to extend the same courtesy we expect for ourselves.

b,
September 1, 2019 2:38 PM

Not sure who doesn't get it

You wrote the boat flap isn't a good example because it has nothing to do with racist background - that's exactly my point! Why is it that only things that sound "racist" are bad, but other things are not as bad??? Your answer is "because it has to do with race!" See how that doesn't make sense? We must not make others feel bad, period - but just as jokes about blue plaid shirts might make one person feel bad, so too jokes about Asians might make someone feel bad - and if we decide the first is OK, then the second is OK as well. With this, we can now understand why just like I believe the writer helps his children "get over" various insults and hurts, I also believe every member of any minority - which includes basically everyone, in one way or another - (they might be fat, or sloppy, or like a wierd flavor ice cream, or have a different hair style than most... you get the idea) should "get over" different remarks made in their presence, and certainly if they were not meant harmfully. Racism is only one type, out of many, of not being nice.

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Gerson Golendziner,
August 28, 2019 7:15 PM

Racism in the Jewish World

First of all I want to say that I am Jewish. After reading, witnessing and noticing, I must say that I believe that racism in the worldwide Jewish community (this logically includes Israel) is not accidental.The Jew is a human being just like everyone else and I believe that racism, to a greater or lesser extent, is engraved in the genetic of this animal called human. Unfortunately we have this characteristic of hating those who do not resemble us, often because we fear this difference. Fortunately, most of the time, our conscience can control our darkest intentions.

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Nechama,
August 28, 2019 1:51 PM

WE HAVE TO IMPROVE

We are an orthodox Jewish couple who have nine married children and we brought them up to respect all people, and to love every Jew.Unfortunately, some of our daughter and son in laws, whom we love dearly, occasionally make racial jokes. There is no hatred involved and certainly no intention to harm. However, our grandchildren are being brought up that way. I con't contradict their parents, however, when I get the chance, I tell them stories about non Jews and converts that are very positive. I''m sure that I have an affect on their outlook.I pray that all Jews will realize that Hashem wants us to love all of his children.

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Phil,
August 28, 2019 4:38 AM

Well Written

Thank you for your well-written article. Please know that you are a most welcome member of Jewish family.

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Genevieve,
August 28, 2019 4:13 AM

Well-written article, Aryeh Ho! Congratulations.

I commend you for your courage to point out
to the presenter what you felt was not right.
With the proper attitude of openness and
magnanimity, it is ok for us to admonish
one another for the better, for a more peaceful
co-existence without discrimination and hurt.

(126)
Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 10:03 PM

Thank you Aryeh and Aish!

Aryeh,
Thank you for sharing this article. Judaism is about being one people and not putting each other down! Your voice is heard and very supported!
Thank you aish for sharing this article as well. It’s message is very important!

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:11 PM

Thank you for sharing and for this very important article

We can all learn from this. thank you

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Rashi Rosenzweig,
August 27, 2019 7:48 PM

One Thing We Jews Are NOT Good At

Historically speaking, we are one of the best at everything. We founded monotheism. We have always shined as some of the most intelligent and successful people on Earth. When it comes to "loving the ger", man do we SUCK. And, yes, I meant a collective "we".

People need to understand, we Jews are exclusively tribal people. We are a nation. Many of us are indeed blood relatives. We do have common ancestry that does trace back thousands of years. So, when it comes to outsiders, given our experiences with the gentile world, we're pretty cautious about who comes into our fold. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE, looks up and does a quick stare when a non-white and "not Jewish looking" convert walks into shul. To our defense, it's not something you see every day. It is rare. One thing that the Church has over us is this exact thing. L'havdil elef havdalot, if a black American, Latino American or Asian American were to walk into St. Patrick's Cathedral on 5th Ave in NYC, nobody would ever take notice. But, if same said persons, donning a kipa or sheitle were to walk into an Orthodox shul on any given Shabbat, people would stare, even for a nano-second and most definitely take notice. If people were to welcome them warmly, just as this fine young man mentioned in this article, someone is likely to make a faux pas here and there. It does happen. The question is: why? We are commanded unequivokely to love the ger. Yet, we forget sometimes that we're human and we are simply not used to this. Living amongst our own for so long can do this to you. I guess it's akin to the yeitzer hara and we must get over those tribal feelings and welcome these people as our own, because they are our own. It takes time, but it's a goal that we all must strive towards.

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JONATHAN KEEFE,
August 27, 2019 7:10 PM

Rav Eisenman said it all

You are increasing Kavod Shamayim. We need so many more great people like you. I'd love to give you a big hug. I have tremendous admiration for you and your courage.

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 7:03 PM

I can attest to this article because our family continues to suffer similar issues

I understand where this person is coming from. As an orthodox black Jew, we are constantly being treated as less than and if we speak up about the injustices within the community and shul, we are labeled a trouble maker. One jewish Cohen asked me if I’m Frum the hood and laughed out loud and as a comeback, he mentioned he has purchased kippot for Ethiopians as a way to say I don’t have a problem with blacks. I was just verbally attacked in shul for not answering the hundreds of questions from a woman as to my financial status and how I afford to live in the most expensive property in the community. They take issue with us being successful professional black Orthodox Jews. I have to turn to secular Jews to have any friends, but I don’t see how we scream anti Semitism and we are anti Jew. Thank you for this article.

Rachel,
August 27, 2019 10:36 PM

I am so sorry

What a horrifying experience! Clearly those asking for your finances are breaking the 10th Commandment.

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Tracey,
August 27, 2019 6:34 PM

Your article really made me think!

Todah rabah for writing your article! It really made me think harder about secret biases that creep into our psyches that we need to address. As an elementary teacher and as a Jew, I always appreciate the opportunity to learn :)

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 5:28 PM

You lost me at the beginning

I am truly sad that you have experienced hurtful comments, both intentional and unintentional. However, you lost me with your joke story at the beginning. This is not an example of insensitivity - the joke is clearly about the fact that the Jewish couple stopped because they did not want to have a non-Jewish child, regardless of the race or national origin. It just so happens that one out of every children born in America are Asian, so it fits best with the joke. I am sorry that your negative experiences, which are sadly very real, have clouded your ability to discern when a joke or comment is truly insensitive or not. Yes - people have to be more sensitive to others - but that sensitivity and understanding is a 2 way street.

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Al Talana,
August 27, 2019 5:04 PM

Appalled

I am appalled at those who responded saying that either Aryeh was over sensitive or that racism doesn’t exist in our community, even between the different ‘
How many shiduchim never happened because “he/she was from that community”.
Listen to little kids making fun of a Jew who looks different; where did they get these ideas from?!
We should be as stringent in the mitzvot between people as we are between a person and G-d.

Raymond,
August 28, 2019 12:08 PM

Irrelevant

You are speaking about different religious approaches within Orthodox Judaism, which has absolutely nothing to do with race or ethnicity. Contrary to what you Leftists claim, not everything is about skin color.

Anonymous,
August 30, 2019 6:58 AM

Leftists

Al Talana just explained the potential detrimental effects of widespread racist sentiment on communities. Jews of color are on the receiving end of racially insensitive comments and you chalk it up to being overly sensitive leftists? You are part of the problem. If we as a community allow racism to become the norm, it'd be a tremendous boosha and chilul Hashem.

What do "leftists" have to do with anything anyway? Every opponent is a leftist with you Trump supporters.

Anonymous,
September 4, 2019 12:33 PM

Applause !!!!!

Thank you ! It gets very old. And it takes away from the many beautiful articles Aish has to offer. The insensitive left bashing is unneessary and does not reflect well on us a People.

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 4:38 PM

This says it all.

"Yes, we all have freedom of speech – liberal or conservative, minority or white. But we do not have the freedom to hurt." this is PRECISELY what every single human being has to learn. Respect. FOR EVERYONE white, black, asian, indian, chinese, WHATEVER. and teach it to your children too, or the hatred WILL NEVER END, and we will NEVER be able to merit the geula (moshiach).

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Hadassah,
August 27, 2019 4:29 PM

Beautifully said. Ive been there too

Thank you so much Aryeh for your strength to write this important article. I share your experience, as a Mexican-American convert. I converted over 19 years ago, and throughout the years, i've been chastised as to "why do you speak Spanish at all? That's cleaning lady language." Or getting a call from someone i haven't heard from in a while and they immediately ask me to give instructions to their cleaning lady in Spanish, or worse, fire her over the phone. Or the one that still happens almost every Shabbos to date, where someone buys jalapeño dip because I'm Mexican. Umm...I don't even like it, but there i am saying, aww, thanks for thinking of me. Aryeh, I'm sure we can share many more "ugh" moments. As you said, when I tried to explain how it's a bit offensive, we just get a scolding of how hypersensitive I am. So how do we fix this? People are genuinely well meaning and have kind hearts. Its generations of biases.
May we see Mashiach soon so we can all be seen as we are meant to be seen... As a jew... Plain and simple.

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David Sananman,
August 27, 2019 4:19 PM

Wow some people here still don’t get it.

Talk about missing the point entirely like many comments here. Did those people actually read the ENTIRE ARTICLE? I’m a child of intermarriage. Don’t tell us what to be offended about. It’s condescending in addition to being insensitive.

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Elior,
August 27, 2019 4:10 PM

Great article.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Being black and an Orthodox Jew, I have encountered similar situations. My youngest child (now 28) also went through this when we moved to Colorado in 2004 CE. Hopefully articles, such as yours, will educate and in turn, eradicate negative behavior.

Semper Fi,

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Christian Yorck,
August 27, 2019 3:39 PM

Racism

All SocioEconomic Groups and religions have preferences.
Being married to to Jew is a preference.
Being married to Hispanic Catholic is a preference.
I think a better statement would be treat people like you would like to be treated ☘️ Does that make sense?

(113)
Berel Steinhart,
August 27, 2019 3:32 PM

The writer is right

It is rather unusual for an Asian to become a convert, so when a heimisher yid makes a joke like the one in question, it doesn’t enter his mind that there may be one in the audience. But really Mr Ho shouldn’t have felt slighted in the slightest. He should have simply laughed with everybody else for he is not being denigrated in any way. In Asia they would make a similar joke about Europeans. Reb Arieh, be proud and laugh with everyone else!

sherrie hurwitz-sicam,
August 27, 2019 4:21 PM

asian jokes

My husband and grandson are both Asian Jews. You are wrong that it is unusual for an Asian to convert to Judaism. You are part of the problem by not knowing the world you live in. Jews come in all "colors."

Raymond,
August 27, 2019 10:16 PM

Berel Steinhart Is Correct

Berel Steinhart is correct. It is very unusual for an Oriental man to convert to Judaism. Just because such an exception happened in one family, does not make it prevalent.

Anonymous,
August 30, 2019 7:02 AM

JFC

An "Oriental man"?? This type of rubbish is embarrassing for our people. Jews shouldn't be saying garbage like that. And we shouldn't be going out of our way to excuse boorish, racist behavior.

NINA,
August 30, 2019 9:54 AM

Oriental is not a bad word

And I don't know why people nowadays pretend it is. It means the same as Eastern-is that offensive? Then why not Asian too? Nobody said any garbage, there was only an ambiguous joke, not meant badly.

Al Talena,
August 27, 2019 4:50 PM

You’re rationalizing

“He who publicly embarrasses someone losed their place in the world to come”Alternately: “He who embarrassed someone publicly, it is as if he committed murder”

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Miriam G,
August 27, 2019 3:25 PM

Thank you

Thank you Aryeh for openly writing about a topic that often is not discussed. I cringe when I hear people who pride themselves in being Torah observant refer to anyone else in a degrading manner, simply because they are different from themselves in some way. This may be ethnicity, race, gender, level of Torah observance...the list is endless. Mind you, these are often the very same people who cry in outrage when they hear anti-Jewish messages, an irony in itself. Being the "chosen nation" does not mean others are lesser, but rather, we must be extra cautious with how we treat everyone since we are measured to a higher standard. All of Hashem's creations deserve our utmost respect. I believe when with practicing respect comes a greater appreciation of all Hashem does for us on a daily basis.

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 2:07 PM

Other Side

I certainly hear your argument of perpetuating the status quo, and I agree everyone should have a voice. But to say we need to curb the freedom of others to make things better or more equal (which I believe is the charge of "too PC"), feels like a scenario where there ends simply don't justify the means.
Also, characterizing something as "easy for a white person to say" could be just as easily be charged as racism and stereotyping (moreso than your rabbi's joke, in my opinion). Let's not use identity to dictate policy or right and wrong, but use consistent principles applied across the board.
Thanks for this brave article.

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Joshua,
August 27, 2019 1:46 PM

This Article Deserves A Close Read/Not Just A Glance

He's saying that the few Jews he's heard complain about PC are white, not that ALL Jews are white. He is well aware that there are non-white Jews, and also white Jews who DON'T complain about PC because they are sensitive to others.

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Shaul,
August 27, 2019 1:10 PM

B"H

It´s true: the rascism between jews exist!

Raymond,
August 27, 2019 1:23 PM

It's Not True

Proclaiming something to be true does not make it true. I have never encountered racism among Jews in my entire life. So should I proclaim it true that Jews are NOT racist?

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 3:37 AM

You have never seen it?

Well, I have. Far too many times. That is how I know it's true. In no way does your lack of seeing it n=make it not real for anyone else. If I see a blue sky, and you are in a basement and don't, that does not change the sky. Your argument with Shaul's post is simply not logical.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:11 PM

Living in the Basement

It sounds like it is you who are living in a basement. I have closely interacted with religious Jews for many decades now, far longer than you have been on this planet, and not once did I ever encounter racism among religious Jews. What you are essentially doing is running a smear campaign against us Jews. It is nothing short of still another manifestation of antisemitism.

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dovid benjamin,
August 27, 2019 11:53 AM

"I’m sorry if you misinterpreted my joke.” ... a stunning abdication of responsibility"Rabbi Eliahu Dessler, ז"ל debated with a person on a matter of principles. Eventually, the other person said: "You are right." R' Dessler responded that even now when the issue should have become clear to the other person, he could not bring himself to concede that he was wrong. The only thing he could bring himself to say was to concede that R' Dessler was right which is not the same.

Anon,
August 30, 2019 4:45 PM

Thank you for this story

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Carole Kass,
August 27, 2019 11:03 AM

We must be kind to all people

A very enlightening article that we all should take to heart. It helped open my eyes to the fact that we must work hard to rid ourselves of our prejudices and be kinder to all we meet. I have always believed political correctness and civility and key principals. This writer says it better than I ever could. Thanks so much.

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Marion,
August 27, 2019 8:49 AM

great article

All Jews who are white in relation to people of color (and, I would argue, conditionally white in relation to white Christians) should read this article.
This article increases awareness of how racism still shows up in the Jewish community and what to avoid to stop it.

Nina Kotek,
August 27, 2019 9:36 AM

I have argued that Jews seem to be white or not, always to their disadvantage

And your comment seems to establish exactly that, a category for Jews that is not either the currently desirable victim category, nor the usually privileged white category. Can't win for losing!

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Ruven Golan,
August 27, 2019 8:35 AM

too sensitive

too sensitive

Marlon,
August 27, 2019 8:54 AM

not too sensi

I am grateful for this article, especially for the insight that racism operates "on a spectrum" and for examples of the types of remarks to avoid to end racism in the Jewish community.

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Matan,
August 27, 2019 4:35 AM

My experience living as a Chinese Jew in Israel

My maternal grandmother was Jewish, but I am ethnically Chinese. My experience and interaction with Israelis as an ostensibly Chinese person working in the high-tech field in Israel is overwhelmingly positive. While in Israel, I don't recall any incidents of hateful racism like I experienced in a Western country I called home in the past.

The racist incidents are like the author described, "innocent" and just coming with assumptions of who you are based on how you look. For example, once, a shop attendant brazenly asked me if I was a "Metapel", or carer. I retorted, "Ani nir-ah kilu metapel?" (I look like a carer?), and after that she said no, and gave me a second look as if to check if my denial squared with the evidence. Other instances are questions like "But where are you really from?" and "But where are your parents from? Your grandparents?", to which no answer generally satisfies the one asking until you say, "From China." Then a nod, and a change of subject.

Us Jews are called to be a light unto the nations. We must therefore live to a higher moral standard than other nations, and as HaShem says, to love foreigners living amongst us, and to have one common law for the foreigner and ourselves.

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Judy R.,
August 27, 2019 4:10 AM

Accidental Racism in the Jewish World

I am sorry you got offended by the joke, to you know that some, Jewish people have eyes like Asian people. I also have eyes like a Asian person, I feel that I am beautiful.
I am sorry to say except being prejudice against converts,different races, there is prejudice against Jews from different countries, also Askenism and Sephardim so this is why we are still in exile.
Actually, being a goy means a nation, Jewish people are also a nation a goy that is holy. Jewish people are very sensitive around non Jews, because of their history of being prosecuted.
My grandmother(of blessed memory) that was murdered by the Nazis,(may their name be erased)said "Don't tell a convert that non Jews are not good, because they will get offended!" I guess that statement is right.
It took a lot of guts to decide to convert, I wish you the best of luck to you, your parents seem like Jewish parents.(that is saying that they are more a like to the Jewish people than many Jews)
The world's oldest people are Jews and Asians.
I feel if you feel bad about what happened read the book: "The Bamboo Cradle" (about a non religious Jewish couple adopting a Asian baby, they became religious, and after adopting the Asian baby they had their owns kids , this baby brought them lots of luck) there is also a sequel to this story.
I heard there are Jews from different countries, I guess everyone has to learn to live and respect each other.
I guess Jews learnt to joke, in the worst times, most Jews don't mean to offend anybody.
Jews are the smallest population, maybe that is why they are making jokes, about people that have a lot, of people in their population.
Your family should find shuls, schools, and other places they feel comfortable and not judged for how they look.
Some people will have prejudice against fat people, also prejudice against people with red hair.
I guess people will feel bad about themselves sometimes, so they bully others like I was bullied in a Yeshiva.
People can be mean !

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Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:00 AM

Not racism

The joke that prompted the article is about people mis-using statistics. By calling this racism you are making many people ignore you for the exact reason you brought up in the article, too PC and overly sensitive. In fact it can be turned the other way. It is you who is racist thinking that all Ashkenazim are racist and could not have possibly meant anything other than we do not want any Asian around.

You made lots of good points in the article, and the mitzvah to be extra sensitive with the converts makes more sense to me after reading your perspective, so thanks for that. But please try to see that mentioning a race does not make you a racist and if a joke is poking fun at racial or other stereotypes, if not done with hurtful intent, is sometimes just a joke.

There are so many example of actual racism around us, there is no need to add stuff that is obviously not racism to make valid points.

Jason Rife,
August 27, 2019 1:31 AM

MAZAL TOV! You just proved the entire article accurate!

.. While at the same time also showing why anonymity on the internet can sometimes be problematic, and the problems with how comments are vetted online. If it was "Just a joke", but was about non-religious Jews avoiding a 5th kid because "20% of Jews are frum, and we don't want one of those in the house..", you'd likely change your tune... Perhaps you'd prefer it was about a family where all the children but the youngest were allowed to go into show business, to avoid the probability that one might convert to Judaism because "xx% of Hollywood is Jews".... If a statistic joke requires picking a group of people to disparage, keep it in-group, or keep it out of your mouth.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 2:43 AM

Joking explained to people that prefer to be victims.

Two examples you gave are not compatible. The point of the original joke is that the parents applied statistic to an impossible outcome: 2 Ashkenz parents are concerned with having an Asian kid because of the quoted stats. It is funny because you are applying stats in an absurd way, and would have been as funny with any similarly impossible outcome. In your first example, the emphasis become secular parents not wanting a frum kid (a possible outcome), and hence is derogatory toward the frum. Changes the joke completely, although I would not find it offensive either since it is natural for parents to not want children with an opposite outlook on life (my parents did not want me to be THAT observant). In the second example, you are clearly trying to hint to antisemitism, where the parents do not want their 5th kid to become a Jew. Again, since it is possible to become a Jew, this is no longer a joke about misuse of statistic, it is a statement that a non-Jewish parents do not want their kid to be Jewish. I also see nothing wrong with that in general, although depending on who said that I may also read anti Semitism into it. From your tone, it sounds like you would get offended at both of your examples. Victimhood mentality makes you deaf to jokes, but worse, diverts discussion of real issues to imagined ones.

There are so many examples of people (including frum Jews) making fun of other races, or specifically pitting one race against another. I kind of hope that this type of joke becomes the extent of "prejudices" in our world.

Jason Rife,
August 27, 2019 4:25 AM

I hope this kind of "joke"...

...goes extinct. Neither "joke" I mentioned was hinting at anything, both were the sort of "statistic" jokes that are used to denigrate others.. like the original one was. The point was not a statistic as much as a couple wanting to AVOID what the statistic intimated. Pretending otherwise is so beyond ignoring reality that I simply cannot fathom the level of deliberate ignorance required.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:00 AM

Impacts Matter

The joke may be about statistics, but it also has a hurtful impact on Asian people by implying that Asian babies are undesirable. Jews should avoid telling jokes like this one, because even if we are white, we know what it is like fo be targeted by hurtful remarks. Antisemites do this to us all the time. We need to follow a higher standard. With all of the great Jewish humor in the world, we dont need to tell jokes that make Jews of Color feel marginalized.

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Deborah Litwack,
August 27, 2019 12:35 AM

Great article

Well spoken! Hope people hear and become more introspective about their biases.

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Kim,
August 27, 2019 12:13 AM

Thoughtless comments

I agree whole heart that racism is taught, that thoughtless comments can convey a racist ideal but not be racist in belief. It is taught and not corrected in childhood, I have done this without knowing what I was saying as a child. I offended people that I appreciated. I was four years old and still carry the shame of it. How do I make this right, other then to promise G_d not to do this again.

(99)
Shlomo elspas,
August 27, 2019 12:02 AM

We need MORE non-white Jews!

Racially mixed children are generally more beautiful than single-race kids. Plus, more non-white Jews shows the goyim that we are n fact more accepting.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 5:54 AM

Ugly to Be White

Wow, so the fact that I come from a completely caucasian family, makes my family ugly? That's news to me, since all the years our family has been told that we are quite good looking. I guess people all those people really didn't mean it. They couldn't mean it, since, like you said, we are not more than one race. Sure makes sense to me....NOT!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:09 AM

Words Matter

If we as white Jews want more non-white Jews to feel embraced and welcomed in the Jewish community, then we must heed the lessons in this article

Due to antisemitism we know what it is like to be treated as "less than" and conditionally white by white Christian's who stereotype, marginalize, and tolenize all Jews. Antisemitism is a form of white supremacy that has now gained a dangerous foothold in the White House and the Republican Party!However we intentioned the idea that mixed race children are generally more beautiful than single race children is also a stereotype. All children are beautiful in their own unique ways.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 10:21 PM

Oh Is That So?

How exactly has antisemitism gained a foothold in both the White House and Republican Party? Please explain.

Anonymous,
September 4, 2019 2:15 AM

I think the intention was to be referring to Ilhan Omar & Rashida Tlaib. Oops wrong party....

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Harvey Sinclair,
August 26, 2019 10:45 PM

You made me sit up and think!

Aryeh, I must admit on coining phrases like goy over the years. It takes on a different feel and meaning when directed towards one of our own, based on your article. I love you for converting, I treasure you as family, but would I have noticed or cared for you before If you hadn't converted, sadly probably not.

(97)
Elijah Profit,
August 26, 2019 10:38 PM

Keep on preaching Brother! Even if they wont listen.

Its appalling to see some of these comments. Its disheartening to see and hear how this holy convert was being treated. We should beg for mechillah!Do not chastise the author for trying to make the world a better place. You are removing bricks from our 3rd Temple. How will you react if Moshiach has a different color skin than you? or even davens a different Nusach??

I look forward to more insights and essays from the author. Thank you Mr. Ho!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 5:57 AM

What Is Really Appalling

What is really appalling is that something is being made from nothing. and that some people are rewarding this manufactured victimhood by pretending it to be otherwise. But hey, I guess some people have nothing better to do with his time than find excuses to be offended.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:12 AM

Real, Not Manufactured

There is nothing manufactured about the pain that racist comments, even when unintentional, causes. They are a form of lashon Horace to be avoidedIf we really want to welcome the stranger and protect the refugee, we must heed the lessons of this article!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:26 PM

Grow Up

What we must heed is to stop making something out of nothing. Some people look for any excuse to feel offended, so that they can play victim. I suggest to such people that it is time for them to grow up already.

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David,
August 26, 2019 10:04 PM

RE: AAJC (Asian-American Jewish Convert)

According to Jewish law and custom, once someone chooses to become Jewish, they are no different than someone who was born Jewish in the eyes of God.

Whoever thinks of let alone treats the Jew-by-choice as different from the Jew-by-birth is committing a grave aveira because a Jew is a Jew is a Jew.

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Shirley,
August 26, 2019 9:45 PM

I agree
And have made a few jokes that were off and when I was corrected I apologized and have not done it again (hopefully)
I pray for patience and strength- I should pray for wisdom as well

(94)
Raymond,
August 26, 2019 9:12 PM

Time to Grow Up

Political correctness is the enemy of freedom. It stifles us, keeping us from expressing our ideas. Making jokes about nazis murdering Jews cannot rightfully be compared to Jews making harmless, very minor jokes, simply because Jews do not go around murdering people, while the nazis are responsible for 15,000,000 people dying for no valid reason whatsoever.

I would never want to be around a person who is so hypersensitive about every little word said. I want to be able to express myself, to speak my mind, even when those thoughts do not conform to the politically correct crowd. We live in America, where freedom is cherished, not in some third world, oppressive, Totalitarian regime where every word is measured and every word is punished. I suggest to the writer of the above article that maybe it is time for him to grow up.

Emil M Friedman,
August 26, 2019 9:49 PM

I disagree with Raymond and agree with Mr Ho.

I'm not saying that the presenter should have been punished. I am saying that he should have been open-minded enough to realize that Mr Ho was correct and that his "joke" was offensive. I myself used to say "Let's call a spade a spade" until someone pointed out to me that "spade" is an insulting term for a person of African descent. I'm careful not to say it any more. I was offended when a "friend" use the term "Jew him down" and then corrected himself by saying "I meant 'chew him down'".

Elijah Profit,
August 26, 2019 10:40 PM

Really?

You really need to get out more....

Eliha Profit,
August 26, 2019 11:03 PM

*clarification

My comment above was directed towards Raymond, not Emil.

Unity, Equality, and Love over "Freedom". Come on Bro, it's 2019, try and keep up with the times

Raymond,
August 27, 2019 2:30 AM

Keeping Up with the Times

Are you saying I should keep up with the times? Wow, I am offended! Wou are racist against us older folks!

I hope you see how absurd this all is. Political correctness demands that people look for any excuse to be offended. Of course, that does not include certain groups. Christians, White males, and even Jews, are not allowed to be offended. Only people with darker skin or non-heterosexual leanings are allowed to be offended. Soon nobody will be allowed to say anything to anybody, because we will all be just sitting here waiting to feel offended.

If such a world appeals to you, all I can say is, each to his own. But just as I tolerate your extremely intolerant, politically correct, suffocating view of the world, please have the decency to not stop me from living in the kind of sane America that existed as recently as a generation ago.

OK,
August 27, 2019 10:32 AM

Must admit I agree 100% with Raymond

I detest political correctness, it has destroyed the modern generation and it pains me that it looks like it's here to stay. As a Brit, I have always had a British sense humour and have always enjoyed a joke that today would offend the young generation. I have to say that I do miss the "old days" when we could have a laugh without the worry of offending someone. People back then simply saw the humour and were thick skinned. Nowadays it seems that half the population is in "therapy" for minor issues as they are simply not given the tools to cope with the ups and downs in life.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:29 PM

Growing a Backbone

Thank you for your supportive comments. I feel like i am a lone wolf here, trying to battle the extreme political correctness and sheer wimpyness being shown by the vast majority of the comments on here. Some people really need to grow a backbone. and btw, I love the British sense of humor.

Michal,
August 27, 2019 3:31 PM

"Extreme political correctness," also known as basic empathy and sensitivity to others. It's no wonder we're in galus.

OK,
August 27, 2019 7:36 PM

Completely disagree!!

In my opinion, based on what I see and hear on a regular basis, people with "extreme political correctness" have no empathy or sensitivity at all! In fact, in my experience they are totally caught up in themselves and are intolerant of anyone whose opinions differ to theirs!!

Michal,
August 27, 2019 7:54 PM

Even if that were true, why do you feel that entitles you to mock and cause pain to a fellow Jew?

OK,
August 27, 2019 11:04 PM

Your comment has just proved me right!!

Where did I write that it's OK to "mock and cause pain" to anyone, Jew or non-Jew??? Perfect example of someone with "extreme political correctness" who is intolerant of other people's opinions and is just intent on being right no matter what!! Even if it means putting words into someone else's mouth! Own-goal Michal!

Michal,
August 27, 2019 11:49 PM

By defending hurtful jokes and claiming that you can be as racist as you please, and it's Ariyeh's problem if he is offended, you are mocking and causing pain to him and any other Jew of color you treat in this appalling manner. (This is obvious, but I guess I'll explain it anyway.)

Stop being defensive. Stop being sure that you are right because it's you. Listen to the Jews of color who are telling you why your behavior is hurtful and wrong. And if you still don't care, I can only recommend serious self-investigation as to why you are so determined to make your fellow Jew feel different, degraded, and rejected.

Good luck.

OK,
August 28, 2019 9:42 AM

Here you go again

Putting words into my mouth again!! You are so self absorbed and determined to be right at any cost!! Never did I write that one can be "as racist as you please"!! And I never wrote it was Aryeh's problem if he is offended!! I was simply discussing what I see is a general problem about oversensitivity and political correctness. I wasn't even being specific to this article! But I see that anyone who disagrees with you is displaying "appalling" and "hurtful" behaviour! The only way you can get your point across is by putting others down and basically accusing them of things they didn't say or even imply! If anyone needs to do some introspection it's you - stop being so argumentative just for the sake of it! I'm not trying to be right - I was just adding my two cents' worth to a general discussion!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:46 AM

What gets done in your world to people who don't fit in?

People are not all the same, and should be free to be different. And who decides what to unite around? You must be pretty young, what you describe was tried while I was growing up, except it was Friendship instead of Love, and didn't end well. Spoiler-Jews never fit in.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:18 AM

Irony

The irony is that you are the one being hypersensitive and defensive. Torah means teaching, and it is sad that you are closing yourself off to the valuable teachings of this article.

With all of the great Jewish humor in this world, we don't need jokes that make Black Jews, Asian Jews and other Jews of Color feel marginalized and stereotyped. We can do better. Watch a video of Lenny Bruce or Mort Sahl to see how great Jewish comedians used humor to challenge injustice instead of perpetuating it!

(93)
E Wilson. Leeds UK,
August 26, 2019 9:07 PM

"Success and Wealth Divides People, Just Like Religion and Skin Colour Does."

"Success and Wealth Divides People, Just Like Religion and Skin Colour Does." It amazes me that all we hear about is religion, ethnic origin and colour of skin. whilst In practice people are more often than not judged by their occupation, earnings, wealth, property, position in society, how they appear to others judged by their dress, height, body language, associations, accent, habits- presumed honesty, and social standing. And whether we like it or not people get graded by others every day; just like cattle, horses, livestock or pedigree dogs into sub-groups, it starts in school with teachers favourites and continues all our lives. Back biting is common, and people often discuss who they dislike, and very rarely who they like and admire, if they like someone its comes across as envy, maybe it is envy, but that's for you to decide. Admiration is a very rare commodity and rarely discussed. Einstein, Billy Graham, Tom Edison have their detractors, the film actor 'James Stewart' is the only person I know who does not get criticized, so what chance does some Jewish person born in the Bronx, with a blue collar job, and limited funds have in today's world? None, nor does Catherine from Ireland, Ali from India, and Henry from Jamaica, they were typecast the day they were born, and maybe that is all racism is typecasting.

(92)
Broom,
August 26, 2019 7:43 PM

Hypersensitivity

Dear Mr. Ho,

Every minority faces some element of racism, jokes and sarcasm, not just in this country, but everywhere. It's just part of human nature, and it's probably not fixable in the foreseeable future. The better method of dealing with it is just to understand the problem and deal with it with humor and dignity. Just understand that it's part of human nature and move on. Don't be so sensitive. Words with not harm you if you don't let them harm you.

Michal,
August 26, 2019 7:56 PM

An interesting way to spin the sinas chinam and mistreatment that Jews of minority backgrounds face in our communities.

Raymond,
August 26, 2019 9:21 PM

No Baseless Hatred

But there was no baseless hatred involved. Rather, it is a question of being hypersensitive about every little word spoken. Broom was trying to give him helpful advice.

Michal,
August 26, 2019 10:12 PM

Nonsense. The onus is not on minorities (either in our Jewish communities or the wider world) to "not be so sensitive." That is a terribly cruel view. Instead, it is on the rest of us to BE sensitive, and avoid racist language and behavior in every possible way. Always, but especially when a fellow Jew who is a minority points out our bad behavior.

The article makes it clear that racism is manifestation of sinas chinam -- a dislike and dismissal of the humanity of others because we believe them to be lesser. That same attitude is at work when minorities are told to ignore the pain and marginalization that we put them through. Would you use foul language in front of a respected Rav, and then tell them to "get over it" when they took offense? I really doubt it.

The ironic thing about all this is that Aryeh's request is not difficult. It is simply v'ahavta l'reiecha kamocha to make sure that we are not causing pain to our fellow Jew because of their race. I urge anyone who struggles with this, or believes that they are somehow being "oppressed by PC culture," to do real cheshbon hanefesh on why you find it so bothersome to be sensitive and kind to fellow Jews.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 2:34 AM

Nonsense

What is nonsense is having one standard of behavior for your preferred groups of people, and quite another standard of behavior for groups you clearly have nothing but contempt for. It is not baseless hatred to make harmless jokes. Or would you rather live in a world without comedians, without humor, where everybody has to watch every single word they say out of fear of offending someone? And please, throwing around Hebrew phrases does nothing to bolster your case. All it does is make you look manipulative and unwilling to have an open, honest discussion.

Michal,
August 27, 2019 3:06 AM

It's unfortunate that your instinct is to make reflexive assumptions, rather than consider that your stubbornness might be causing pain to your fellow Jew. Your imagination runs quite wild here -- no one believes in banning humor, or in "preferred groups of people" among Jews, or (and this is kind of funny) using Hebrew to be "manipulative." But I guess for some, it is easier to remain convinced that they have the right to cause hurt, no matter what, and much harder to acknowledge the pain they cause and actually change.

I hope you never have to experience the pain you are now defending, and I wish you healing from this reflexive hurtfulness.

Raymond,
August 27, 2019 5:50 AM

Stubborn, Wild, Reflexive

Stubborn, wild, reflexive...wow, you are full of insults today, aren't you? I am so offended! I wonder who appointed you the word czar over what I am allowed to say or not say? And why exactly are you allowed to insult me with impunity, while I am not allowed to come to the defense of somebody who really did nothing wrong? Do you see the irony of your arrogance here?

Michal,
August 27, 2019 2:20 PM

You seem extremely sensitive to descriptions of your behavior. It's almost like you have a need to be the victim here, in spite of your choice to be insensitive yourself. Why do you think that is? What can you learn from that about treating others kindly and with respect?

Broom,
August 27, 2019 9:31 PM

Response to Michal and Raymond

To Michal and Raymond,

Your little spat is a perfect example of what we are discussing. People tend to enjoy denigrating others in an attempt to elevate themselves. Those people tend to be shallow and insecure. If a person is secure in himself and has a good ego structure, he is not insulted by other people making remarks. He simply sees those remarks as a manifestation of the person's emotional weakness and boorishness.

For example, if a person makes a "squinty-eye gesture" to an Asian person, if the Asian person is not self-conscious about his appearance and is secure in his self-image, instead of being insulted, he would simply see the gesture as a crude example of the other person's emotional weakness. In a sense, the person making the gesture is demonstrating his own weakness and boorishness. It is not a real reflection on the Asian person at all.

Be a mirror. When people insult you, reflect their foolishness back at them, and see it as them essentially insulting themselves.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 11:53 PM

No one is interested in still more callous comets that amount to "Get over it, because your pain makes me uncomfortable." If that is still your solution after reading this moving article about how and why racism is so pernicious and harmful in our community, you should be doing a lot more introspection, and a lot less commentary.

Broom,
August 28, 2019 1:36 AM

Thanks, Anonymous

Thanks very much for your advice, ANONYMOUS. I'll do some serious introspection. By the way, what are "callous comets?"

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:21 AM

Great Jewish humor challenges injustice

The greatest Jewish humorists, like Lenny Bruce for example, used humor to challenge injustice, not to perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

We all won't be able to reach his standard, but he's a model to keep in mind!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:34 PM

Challenging Injustice

Challenging injustice does not make for a good comedian. Finding humor, being able to laugh at everyday situations in life, is the best comedy. Apparently, though, people who can laugh at such humor have now been determined by the politically correct crowd to be racially insensitive. Such people, with their contempt for the notion of individual freedoms, are determined to turn America into another North Korea. That is not the world that i would want to live in.

(91)
Chaya Houpt,
August 26, 2019 7:04 PM

Thank you!

Thanks for speaking up, Aryeh! May all your readers take your words to heart.

(90)
Mimi Elias Maizlech,
August 26, 2019 5:55 PM

From one that's NOT PC

Ok, I'm so not PC...I admit it, but when someone in the audience privately tells a speaker that not only was his joke not funny but was offensive has to explain and try to justify it, the point has now shifted.
The presenter could have and should simply said thank you for bringing this to my attention and I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Then none of this would even be an issue.
It really is that simple.

(89)
Al Talana,
August 26, 2019 4:49 PM

My granddaughter had come home telling how she has a new friend in school. She befriended a girl in her class when the other students taunted her “You can’t be Jewish; you’re black.”
A friend adopted 3 brothers who had dark complexions. Each was subjected to the taunts like the girl above.
On a youth Shabbaton, we had only 10 above bar mitzvah age including one of the adopted boys. Looking the boy, who was davening with kavanah, one father of another boy asked “can we count him towards a minyan; is he one of us?

(88)
Leah Goodman,
August 26, 2019 4:38 PM

My parents were concerned about language barriers

The joke is much funnier if you say they started to learn Mandarin, because they heard every fifth child born is Chinese.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 4:29 AM

It's a better joke that way....

.. because it's not about the bigotry of not wanting an Asian child... and still shows the silliness of the parents in regard to statistics...

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:25 AM

Not Funny that way either!

No one should be targeted for speaking a language other than English, so no, the joke is not funny that way either.

Imagine a Christian comedian joking in this way about Hebrew, Ladino or Yiddish and you will see what I mean.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:51 AM

I imagined, and it's still not offensive

Targeted? You mean we have to pretend not to notice someone is not speaking English? I agree with Leah. Problem solved!

(87)
Frédérique,
August 26, 2019 3:50 PM

Thank You

My mother married out after the 2WW it was easy for my mother to be proud to be Jewish even though she was raised in a secular home, my family escaped Paris & survived the war because my grandfather had served in the Foreign Legion & the Chief of Police recognised him & promised that he’d be safe.
My father was born in China & my grandmother was Japanese she died when he was about 8 years old & at 13 until 16 he was interned alone in Llungha while my grandfather was in a POW camp & came out weighing 6 Stone.
My father was always afraid of being found out - because he knew that he didn’t have a collective identity to shield him from an unforgiving world that didn’t see the child but someone responsible for what others did.
I find it extremely sad that the Jews who consider themselves to be the light of the world remain unable to lay their own differences aside & sideline those who do not follow their belief structure & their truth.
Until the Jews can come together & accept that the differences are our strength then we aren’t doing the work expected of us.

(86)
Joyce Aldrich,
August 26, 2019 3:18 PM

My Girl

It also upsets me when I hear my fellow Jewish women calling any woman who helps them with cleaning, cooking, laundry, and other domestic duties, "My girl." I find that demeaning.

Rachel,
August 27, 2019 3:05 AM

It is demeaning

Frankly, I find it demeaning when people tell me their son or daughter is engaged to a “very nice boy/girl.”. In the rest of US society, one is an adulterous at 18. But I have known people in their 40’s still referred to as a boy or girl because they are unmarried.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 4:31 AM

Still not the same as considering hired help as your possession

The one line is about all I have to say. It's not just the "girl/boy" terminology, it's laying claim on someone as if you own them. It's the sort of thing that was used to describe your own children, or your slaves... and hired help is not your children...

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 10:50 PM

good point

Asserting property rights over another, or infantalizing another, are equally wrong. I refer to my children as my daughter and son because they are adults. And I have always stood up for myself and others in the work place when others use this objectionable language.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 9:55 AM

I hope you are wrong about that!

People don't marry so much anymore, they can't possibly all be adulterous.My work colleagues and I all refer to each other as girls and boys, or guys, and we are 30-60;

(85)
MESA,
August 26, 2019 2:33 PM

I think that political correctness is often taken to a point where you aren't allowed to say anything that might offend someone, but that person is allowed to say anything even if it offends you and you're not allowed to respond because it's not PC. I've seen that happen way too often. Having said that, I agree with the author that that joke is racist and hurtful and that we do need to be careful of what comes out of our mouths. We Jews ought to know better considering all the laws of Shmirat HaLashon. And we need to remember that we Jews are from all corners of the world and from all kinds of backgrounds and we don't all look the same but we're all Jews.

(84)
Nurayeed,
August 26, 2019 1:17 PM

Correct and not correct

I am 100% with the writer when he talks about insensitivity. Having been on the receiving end, Jews should be aware of this. Where I don't agree is in his overarching theme of "white people" and repeatedly referring to Jews that way. Not many Jews identify themselves with the European ethnicities which comprise "white people". After all, Jews were persecuted in Europe and that persecution is the reason Jews are in the US. If Mr. Ho had simply addressed his remarks to the Jewish community it would have been fine. He probably knows the sensibilities of our community, and therefore I believe what he wrote was insensitive. Did he do it on purpose, out of anger? Only he knows that.

(83)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 1:01 PM

This is the Precise Reason Why I left Judaism

I hope you do take this man's very cogent observations into your hearts. Racism in the Jewish community, from Orthodoxy to Reform Judaism is rampant. Most Jew of Color children don't identify with children as adults because of the poor treatment in the community.

I've healed from the abuse, moved on, and I'm building a very happy life. I just hope things get better for the next group of Jews of Color.

Raymond,
August 27, 2019 6:04 AM

Any Excuse to Hate Us Jews Will Suffice

Racism is rampant in the Jewish community? Wow, that is news to me. I have been a part of the Jewish community for many decades, yet do not recall there being any racism on our part whatsoever. On the contrary, we Jews are probably the least racist of any group out there. But hey, maybe I have just been lucky. More likely, you are just looking for excuses to hate Jews. Any pretense will suffice when it comes to the antisemites of this world expressing their antisemitism.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 6:12 AM

I’m sorry to hear what you went through, the pain is not something I can imagine.

I would note that all challenges that one faces are tailor made for that individual from G-d. That in no way excuses those that act in a callous and cruel manner, however, the result of a challenge, however difficult it may be should not to be to “leave Judaism”.

I also have challenges, different than yours. My wife is a victim of sexual abuse and this has caused us great pain and challenge. Yet we have learned to continue to serve Hashem despite the pain and at times even grow closer to Hashem from the challenges that we face.

Hashem doesn’t give us a challenge that is to hard. In my opinion, there is never a good enough reason to “leave Judaism”. It’s also never to late to come back. We are waiting for you with open arms and I for one could care less what color your skin is.

(82)
Malka Gottesman,
August 26, 2019 12:54 PM

Beautiful fulfillment of the mitzvah to rebuke!

Sad that the presenter couldn't see his wrong and then twisted his apology to blame you! You so eloquently raised fantastic points about the bias of racism and how we must be more sensitive!! I especially loved your pondering if those Jews who condemn others for being overly PC were bothered by the "Holocaust" pajamas. Good for you and for mankind that you choose words over silence! Kol haKavod!!

(81)
Leni Puccio,
August 26, 2019 12:50 PM

I agree with the gentleman on most of his points. All people, not just Jewish people need to be a bit more sensitive in their language but my question is “where does it stop?” He suggests that handing the Torah is motivated by an us vs them mindset. Well that’s true to an extent. Does that mean that we hand the Torah to a non-Jew. Look at Catholics taking the sacrament, do they allow non-Catholics to partake? No. There are some rituals that are always sacred and not to be shared.

(80)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 12:12 PM

thank you for a very well written article

The author has explained his thoughts & feeling very well. We all should be able to put ourselves in his place & understand his feelings. Whats more using his obvious knowledge of Torah & it's wisdom to explain & his illustrations of how we are sometimes unaware of how our words hurt others is of great importance.Yasher Koach to young Mr. Ho. It's always important to speak the truth for the benefit of others. Good job & thanks again.

(79)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 11:53 AM

Not all

Unfortunately author has met people that are probably not religious. For a G-D fearing Orthodox Jew to act this way would be the opposite of what the Torah commands.

Jason,
August 27, 2019 1:47 AM

Sorry, but no....

This is not about "not religious" people. I lied many years in a few frum communities, and that joke was tame compared to the casual statements heard every day among community members. There was even a "popular" joke about an asian woman who spent years on her conversion, but had it rejected by a rav, who explained to his bochurim, once she left, that it was so that there aren't any Asian-looking Jewish kids from her... So no, I am afraid that trying to pretend that this is not an issue among the frum is disingenuous at best, blatant ignorance at worst.

(78)
Yosef Hartstein,
August 26, 2019 11:40 AM

The Author's Point is Proven

The overwhelming majority of the comments prove the author's point. We are a stubborn nation

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 6:08 AM

What Has Been Proven

The only thing that has been proven, is how when somebody looks for any excuse to be offended, that that person will be offended. And speaking of being offended, i am offended at your calling our Jewish people Stubborn. Who are you to presume to judge our entire people like that with such a broad brush?

(77)
ALEXANDER HAMLYN-HYDE,
August 26, 2019 9:04 AM

You ARE oversensitive!

You ARE oversensitive! Jewish humour is the best proof of how people can laugh at themselves and still be proud of who and what they are...

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:48 AM

Was the speaker laughing at himself?

... Or at others? That's the difference..

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 6:09 AM

Humor Czar

So the only jokes that were are allowed to make, are ones where we make fun of ourselves? Who appointed you to be the Joke Czar?

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 3:47 AM

Apparently, one is needed..

because some folks want to use jokes as a path to see how badly they can get away with treating others... Accepting demeaning jokes about others as acceptable is a slippery slope to accepting racists.. and racists use these jokes the way sexual predators use jokes about predation. To gauge how much they can get away with in a certain group.. Accepting racist jokes tells racists "hey, you're safe here, talk as much as you want, and call it a joke.. " Just like jokes making light of sexual abuse tell sexual predators that they are is a safe space to talk and act as they want to, as long as they call it a joke...

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:19 PM

Playing the Race Card

Just because you want to live in a world without humor and without freedom, does not give you the right to deny those things to those of us who wish to live in a saner, more mature society. and because you intolerant Leftists scream racism at every turn, it has ceased to have any meaning whatsoever. In fact, when you play the race card, i know you have lost the argument.

(76)
NINA,
August 26, 2019 7:55 AM

White People??

" I’ve heard some Jews suggest that political correctness is a tool used by millennials and liberals to stifle the free speech of anyone who disagrees with them. To which I respond:

That’s easy for a white person to say."Excuse me, are you saying that Jews = white people for you? Surely you don't need to be reminded that Jews come in all colors, look at yourself, but Jews have been "honorary white people" for only a very short time, maybe 60 years, and only in some places. Jews are of Middle Eastern origin, and mixed with other race during their exile, but if Rashida Tlaib from the same area calls herself a "woman of color" and has the same color as Jews, you can see that as with any other term, Jews are it if it is wrong,( capitalist, communist, cosmopolitan, nationalist) but never when it is right. Right-wing extremists don't consider Jews white, progressives do.

Joshua,
August 26, 2019 8:46 AM

=

I don’t mean to speak for the author, but I am fairly certain the article implied: white people = white people; and Jews = Jews. Clearly, the author is aware that they are not mutually exclusive...

I'm surprised that the speaker when confronted by you for what he said actually defended it and even at the end only apologized for offending you but not admitting that it was a racist joke but i guess that just shows when 1 has a "negia" or ulterior motive in this case having to admit that what he did was wrong he can't see it clearly no matter how obvious it would be to an unbiased observer. Concerning "political correctness" vs minorities finally being able to speak their mind in their defense i think there's a big range meaning to me all the examples that you gave are clear cases of racism or prejudice however there are many situations where through "political correctness" the pendulum swings way too much the other way. An extreme example of this would be a certain segment of the african american community asking or in some cases demanding reperations for their ancestors being slaves which is obviously ridiculous since no african american in the United States was ever a slave just as no caucasian in the U.S has ever been a slave owner.

(74)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 6:55 AM

against racism

PS swap out the punchline "every fifth child born is Asian" for "Jewish" and you can understand his point.

(73)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 6:49 AM

racism affects all

I'm sorry for the writer's experience. Racism is tedious at best, hurtful, damaging at its worst. I can empathize - as a caucasian woman in China, children made fun of MY eyes too! By encircling their own eyes so that they looked 'round' and then grinning at me. Or just staring! Being a convert also carries challenges, even if he weren't of Asian background, other converts also get questions regarding their lives. But the reality is if our ethnicity differs from the local majority, there are always going to be reactions, some good and some negative. We need to develop our strategies for coping with it (and, sadly, antisemitism), as well as quietly educating people as the writer tried to do with the presenter.

(72)
Paula,
August 26, 2019 5:10 AM

Another snowflake melting

You need to grow a thick skin. It was meant as a joke and it was not specifically directed at you. If I were you, I'd have laughed it off, not make a mountain out of a molehill. As a Jew, I've been called the most derogatory names you can imagine as my parents were in their time and my great grandparents in their time going all the way back to who knows when. It's just part of being a Jew and I don't make a big deal of it. Jews from other races may look different and inevitably will elicit unwanted attention usually from small children. I've known black Jews, and others from different races, and you just need to learn to live with it and be mature about it. We have enough idiotic political correctness, we don't need more.

Mrs l,
August 26, 2019 6:01 AM

Another icicle

Why should his children grow up to feel lesser, 2nd rate, for some stupid joke.

I agree political correctness gets out of control, but Jews should take on a higher standard of sensitivity to others.

RCL,
August 26, 2019 8:34 AM

I think you should honestly check your privilege if you’re going to suggest laughing off racism in the frum world. It’s not just little comments like this; if that’s all you’re getting from this article, you’ve clearly missed the boat. Racism is both subtle and overt in the Jewish world, just look at Nissim Black: a black Jewish convert who makes a kiddush Hashem through his journey and his choice to join the Jewish people, yet, at the same time; his poor children couldn’t even get into Jewish schools because of the color of their skin. Words have consequences and perhaps you should take a deeper look inside yourself if you think this is about a “harmless” joke or are going to compare external anti-Semitism to internal racism.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 8:53 AM

Does this comment happen to be from the Rabbi mentioned in the article? You’re indifference to racism is astounding.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:45 PM

I Could Not Agree with You More

Paula, I could not agree with you more. I strongly suspect that the people on here making something from nothing, never had to experience real pain and suffering in their lives, and so they create victimhood to give themselves a false sense of self-righteous importance.

(71)
Sara Fackelman,
August 26, 2019 3:01 AM

This made me cry. Your words are beautiful and touching.

Thank you so much for your willingness to share and teach.

(70)
Peter Gubin,
August 26, 2019 2:56 AM

Jews are all Asian

Judaism was originated in Asia. Israel, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Jordan, Lebanon, and part of Turkey are all on the continent of Asia. The Jewish Diaspora is an Asian Diaspora. The joke was not funny, but both Aryan To and the joke teller show their ignorance in not realizing that Judaism is as much a part of the Asian experience as Buddhism, Taoism, Zorastrianism, Hinduism, Jainism, Confucianism, and Eastern forms of Christianity.

Joshua,
August 26, 2019 9:05 AM

Yes, “Aryan To” showed HIS ignorance. ?‍♂️If you care enough to comment, ESPECIALLY negatively, it strengthens your argument when the author’s name is correct.

Yisroel,
August 28, 2019 1:19 PM

Judge favorably. Please.

Typing “Aryeh Ho” could have been autocorrected to “Aryan To” and not noticed by the author of the comment. Similar things have happened to me when I sent an email and couldn’t comprehend what I had written until I realized, “Aha! Autocorrect!”I would venture to say that most people have had the same experience.

(69)
Michal,
August 26, 2019 1:10 AM

Thank you!

Aryeh, thank you so much for writing this. I hope the day is coming soon when articles like this will not be necessary. I hope that we will no longer need Jews of color to explain (and explain, and explain) your experiences to those of us who are (or if it makes anyone more comfortable, look) white and enjoy the privileges of that appearance. I hope the white members of our community will soon recognize that it is empathy and self-reflection, rather than defensiveness, that will truly create a nation united in ahavas Yisroel.
Unfortunately, some of the comments here suggest that that hopeful day is not yet at hand. So all I can say is thank you for your honest and heartfelt mussar, and thank you for having faith that our community, flawed as it is, will someday become better.
Kudos to Aish for publishing this vital message. I hope it is read with the true and open heart with which it was clearly delivered.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:21 PM

Racism Goes in Both Directions

Clearly you are an anti-White racist, which is no better than the racism that you accuse others of having.

(68)
Svia englard,
August 26, 2019 12:50 AM

Thank you. Wonderfully put

Thank you for being so open and clear so we can work on ourselves to improve

(67)
David,
August 26, 2019 12:37 AM

Well said!

I applaud your remarks against racial insensitivity. I also applaud your remarks concerning insensitive remarks aimed at the “goyem”. I can not understand highly educated people, who are God fearing Jews, who freely use this language to disparage non-Jews. Thank you! Yasher Koach!

(66)
David Berkovitz,
August 26, 2019 12:25 AM

Racism

It was difficult to initially appreciate the prejudice until i substituted jew for asian and imagined a non-jewish presenter. Being in the ‘other’s’ shoes takes some practice. Thanks

nina,
August 26, 2019 7:58 AM

Very good, this helped me see it too

I initially commented that the joke seemed more about the couples's stupidity but your comment changed my mind. But I stand by my other comments

(65)
David Goldstein,
August 26, 2019 12:16 AM

Powerful

Very impressive on several levels!
Very intellectually challenging to all of us who don’t realize our own prejudices!
Thank you for speaking up!

(64)
Julie Weiner,
August 26, 2019 12:10 AM

Thanks for comments on anti-PC comments.

As a feminist who has all too often been told I lack a sense of humor because I don’t laugh at jokes implying the inferiority of women, I especially appreciated this defense of “PC” as an effort to protect the freedom of speech of marginalized groups.

(63)
Ann V. Nunes,
August 25, 2019 11:38 PM

I am a Jew. Despite living in Europe for thousands of years, we are not white.

Yes, some of us carry European genes, but overall we who originated in Israel are Asian. Israel is in Asia, and the Europeans know it. They do not consider us either European or white. Like it or not, Jews (except for converts of totally European descent) are not white.We are Asian. We are not East Asian, but we are Asian. We are descended from people with black hair and black eyes, people who are shorter than, say, Scandanavians. It is partly because of out Asian heritage that Europeans have hated us for all these centuries. We need to accept the fact that we are not white, and people of European descent do not consider us white. The only definition that would make us "white" would be the Jim Crow definition: everyone (including Chinese) is white except for the descendants of black African slaves, who were sent to separate schools and required to use "colored" water fountains and "colored" rest rooms. Everyone else--including Mexicans, Jews, and Chinese--went to the "white" schools and used the "white" rest rooms and drinking fountains. If that is your definition of white, then Jews are white. But if continent of origin is the definition of white, we are NOT totally of Euroean origin. We are descended from the people of ancient Israel, which is in Asia. We are Asian in our origins, not European, not white. And, speaking for myself and others, happy to be so.

RA,
August 26, 2019 11:17 AM

Yes, most Ashkenazi Jews are a distinct genetic and cultural group. But we can still put on a baseball hat or take off our kippah and the average person wouldn’t be able to tell that we weren’t “white”. Many people think we’re white, either because we blend in or because they don’t know any better.

?,
August 26, 2019 11:25 AM

That ? is ? not ? the ? point ?. Your whiteness is irrelevant to the fact that this man is experiencing racism from his orthodox community. Doesn’t matter what race you think you are. It’s wrong and people should do better.

Joshua,
August 26, 2019 12:01 PM

#preach

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 4:37 AM

Agreed!

Whiteness is not scientific or biological, and when it comes to Ashkenazi Jews, it is a status that has been given and revoked over the centuries.. but those who make racist jokes (even "accidental" ones) are trying to live the white life way too much...

(62)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 11:12 PM

Visit to Hong Kong with a redhead child

It was about 1974 when we visited Hong Kong with our children. Our small daughter was with red curly hair was pointed at by children who laughed making curly motions and straight eyes with their fingers as she looked so different to them. So what? We laughed too.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 12:58 PM

Irrelevant example

The proper equivalent would be making fun of the "hook nose". Mocking curly hair doesn't have the negative connotations comparable to making fun of Epicanthic folds of East Asian people. Somehow doubtful that you still would've been equanimous in that situation.

Also consider:>1974 vs. 2019>experience from "visiting" vs. "being born and raised in" X

(61)
Vladimir,
August 25, 2019 10:40 PM

Totally agree with you!!!

“Chosen people “ I don’t think chosen people apply for all Yisrael, remember there was erev rav too. And remember MEASURE BY MEASURE!!!! FOR HASHEM B’H, ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EQUAL!!!

(60)
Sheldon Dan,
August 25, 2019 10:36 PM

"Easy for a white person to say"?

With all due respect to Mr. Ho, I have to call him on the comment regarding PC, "It's easy for a white person to say."

The truth is that the Jewish People are a multi-racial, multi-ethnic family. It may be true that many people equate Jews with Europeans and therefore "whites," but this shortchanges the Jewish people and reduces us to a "racial" category which not only defies who we actually are but can also be reminiscent of what the Nazis were obsessed about.

In 1985, I made my first trip to Israel. I visited the town of Rosh Haayin. We were greeted by residents of the town who were Yemenite Jews--and who happened to be dark-skinned. This emphasized to me the fact that all Jews do not look alike.

I doubt that many times in American history Jews were considered "white," either. I think we were a special category on immigration forms. Although skin color may have deflected problems that other people had to endure, I sincerely believe that this may not have translated into a feeling that we were secure because we were considered "white."

Contrary to what white supremacists say, what does it really mean to be "white"? Aren't those who are so classified also members of other ethnicities--such as Italian, Irish, etc.? Must we Jews be reduced to skin color, which does not represent us as a people?

I would agree with Mr. Ho's primary premise, in which we all should filter what we say. There are many expressions that Jews use that we should perhaps consign to the past and not use them. And we do need to consider the effect of our speech upon others. I simply quibble with the use of "white person" to reduce a part of the Jewish community based on skin color, which I find is just as offensive as Mr. Ho's offense at Asian jokes.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:06 AM

...But you’re white, though...right?

Sheldon Dan,
August 27, 2019 6:40 PM

I think that terms like "white," "black," "Hispanic," "Asian," etc. can be used as weapons, as you just did. What difference does it make if I am or not? That is not my primary identity. I am a Jew, just like Mr. Ho.

Unfortunately, there are some who cannot get beyond differences in skin color. As the old saying goes, "it's only skin deep"--literally. I am not saying that I am perfect in this regard, but I do try. And maybe the PC crowd is expecting a perfect society. It's not and it never will be. It can be improved but it won't be when people are literally insulting others by their "superior" attitude. So what if many of the Founders were slaveholders? When we consider their entire lives, and the democratic foundations they installed, that is much more important than one aspect that many today reject because they want to impose their standards on the past.

In this era, the literally superficial attribute of skin color is becoming less and less important. Maybe we should try to not make it to be more than it is.

(59)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 10:30 PM

I am sorry for the hurtful words and comments you and many others sufferThank you for reminding us all to be more sensitive in choosing our words and of their consequences.

(58)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 9:41 PM

Jewish racism

Really respect Aish for publishing this. I find it really painful when Jews are racist. It's one of the main reasons I stopped being frum and moved away from the community. I miss living a Jewish life but I remember the terrible racism and know I can't return.

Sarah,
August 26, 2019 10:08 AM

So you're punishing yourself for others' mistakes by not living a Jewish life?! Why not return to doing G-d's will, instead of suffering from not doing it (you write you miss living a Jewish life) just because some people haven't realized yet that being a racist is not included in the 613 commandments? On the contrary, try to educate others, in a respectful manner, just as the writer of this article did!

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 4:40 AM

It's on the frum world when people are driven away due to racism

Every frum person gets a share of every aveirah they created with either blatant racism, support of racism, or pretending that racism is not a thing in the frum world.. And that includes every aveirah performed by those driven away..

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 6:57 PM

I am sorry for your experience, and originally I was not going to respond. But I think there are some things in your comment that deserve a response...

First, I probably heard the racist words in the Jewish community that you did. I think you are referring to the Yiddish word "shvartzer," which literally means black person (or Negro at the time in the South). I also heard the word "shachas," but I did not know until much later that this was actually "shachors" or "shachorim," the Hebrew for blacks.

Of course, I am not naïve. Just as "Negro" was corrupted in the South to "nigra" and then to the N-word, I recognize that many Jews wanted to use those words when they wanted to refer to blacks. They would probably defend themselves by saying that they were only saying "blacks," but you don't have to read between the lines to know what they were saying.

Even these days, words can hurt, and using "shvartzer" and words like "shiksa" and "shaygetz" (and some might include "goy" on this list) may be hurtful to others. So I think it would help us all to watch what we say and have the courage to mention it to others so that they can be careful of their words.

Now, about giving up the "frum" community and "living a Jewish life"...I don't know you, but although the Jewish life you can lead may not be the one you left, it can still be an observant Jewish life. I know of one organization (which you can learn about for yourself) which specializes in reacclimating formerly "frum" Jews into a Jewish life. Whether you can "return" depends on what you want to return to. Please find your way to someone who can help you. Good luck.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 1:42 PM

I beg to differ but perhaps it is generational

Re: shvartze and the N word. Or: Goy or shaygetz.Growing up in the 60s, my father and many others.we associated with were Yiddish speaking survivors. At the time the word “shvartze” or “goy” were not necessarily pejorative whereas “shaygetz” definitely was. Why should “shvartze” be any different than “black?”It is merely descriptive!

Perhaps, as less people in the general, non Chassidishe community, speak a fluent Yiddish, using the word in a totally English sentence MIGHT be a pejorative.

(57)
Sheldon Dan,
August 25, 2019 9:38 PM

On the Other Hand...

I think that Political Correctness (PC) had good intentions. Yes, you need to be sensitive to others. But contrary to the author's opinion, PC has gone much too far to be an innocent phenomenon. When we have to twist the language so that we must sanitize everything, speech is no longer free for anyone. Instead, we are so worried about offending anyone (including minorities) that almost anything can be deemed offensive if someone objects. This is when PC becomes a parody of itself. I am sure that most people really do know what is out of bounds. As long as people recognize the truly egregious violations of conduct, there may be times when people should be selective about being offended and recognize that everything does not have to be made into a controversy.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 8:09 AM

yes, what happened to giving the benefit of the doubt?

I learned from David Berkovitz' comment to see what was wrong with the joke, and the children at the table making fun of a guest were awful, but for the rest, I more than agree with you-people are constantly upset nowadays because they look for offenses, and there seems to be no room for differences of opinion. And I say this living in a country where people constantly pick up on my accent and I have to explain myself . Also see the examples people here gave of Westerners in China. People are just curious about others.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:49 PM

Common Sense

Sheldon Dan, what you are expressing is basic common sense, a trait sorely lacking among the younger generation who looks for ways to get offended by every little thing. They have no real suffering in their lives, so they make things up, in order to feel important.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 7:01 PM

Exactly! I've heard it said that "Common sense is not so common." Maybe it's because so many people want to go the long complicated way instead of the shortest route...

I am of the "older generation" ;-) so I've seen a lot. It seems that the things we rebel against from our parents' generation we adopt as we get older, and just as they laughed at us, we laugh at the PC generation--but we have to be careful, because they might be serious!

(56)
Shmuel,
August 25, 2019 9:33 PM

Jew and a Chinaman

The Jew and a Chinese man are on the train. The Jew asks- Excuse me, are you Jewish? -No, I am Chinese.- You know, you should not be bashful, you really look Jewish. -No, I assure you - I am Chinese. After two full hours of the same bickering pass and Chinese man is driven completely nuts he says: -Leave me alone, yes, I am Jewish. -You see, I told you - says the Jew with satisfaction - but tell me, have anyone ever told you that you really look a Chinese man?

Arye, it is funny. there is no harm. And I know that you are not Chinese, but probably are Vietnamese or something, but never mind, I really don't care when there is an opportunity to poke a good fun at somebody's expense, especially if the full is offended right away. Good luck to you....pshhh... It's kind of funny to have Jews look Asian, or those American Jews look like Irishmen, or the Sefards look like they are from Spaniards and watch bullfights for entertainment. But as a Jew, you really should get an idea that we don't let our ugly stuff come out. The world outside is really really stupid, has been stupid for millenia, and really can't take a joke, just yet.

Joshua,
August 26, 2019 9:13 AM

Where to even begin...Shmuel: You are the reason this article exists.And yes, you definitely let ALL of your “Ugly stuff out.”#checkyourself

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 1:50 PM

Ugly

Who is the real ugly one here, the one who has enough backbone to find the humor in a joke, or the humorless one who calls that person Ugly in response?

(55)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 9:23 PM

Do you have a son of marriageable age?

My grand daughter went to school in Australia and visited Korea and fell in love with Asian culture. She is ready to be married and would love to date a Jewish man of Asian/white heritage.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 7:48 PM

As a Jew with a multi-racial family...

As a Jew with a multi-racial family, including Asian, I found this comment truly sad! I hope this woman's granddaughter has more sense- and more sensitivity- than to base her search for a marriage partner on his race- ANY RACE!!! This is as racist as it gets, and isn't even based in reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NINA,
September 3, 2019 6:16 AM

This is certainly NOT as racist as it gets!

She would like a partner from a certain culture because she wants to live with that culture. How is that racist?

(54)
Shmuel,
August 25, 2019 9:06 PM

humor

I don't know the author's tolerance for the asian jokes by jews, but he should become aware sooner or later that Jews are probably behind not only anti Asian jokes, but many anti-semitic ones as well. how does this happen I can only imagine, but the facts are - nobody knows our faults better than ourselves. So is the tolerance level for the anti-Jewish jokes. Mine, personally, is qute high, for I had to hear all kinds of antisemitic stuff since I was a kid and since my goy peers learnt to tell a joke. It's actually a good thing to be that magnanimous to take a joke, but it takes practice. Surely, one would take a joke, not to expose our own imperfections to the goy world, a world where a joke can lead to violence and often had, as our history proves.

(53)
Al,
August 25, 2019 9:06 PM

In re: INTENTION

"A Modest Proposal", was written on the hunger in Ireland during potato famine.
The writer supported helping. He poked pride to correct. How? His use of say was something like promoting cannibalism.
It got people stirred up to correct! He made it clear again, to make consciences act!
So, The intent of the author is good to review. And too, let's be sure we are getting a right message across.

(52)
Shmuel,
August 25, 2019 8:50 PM

Another smarty pants

I guess Aish has just become yet another organization to publicly swear it's allegiance to all of the good causes of the day, under the flag (can we guess which colors are on it) just like idealistic soviet pioneers would mindlessly do.
Thanks for exposing all of the ills of the day that really exist in our, now multicultural milieu of sensitive souls. they will surely direct us, the medieval community of religious bigots and racists into a true acceptance of everyone and everything. As we clearly were not on the mark all these 3000 years. Would join the club if he knew we were so small minded and prejudiced?

(51)
David Kralstein,
August 25, 2019 8:49 PM

over reaction

It's a joke . . . . period. Jackie Mason said his parents stopped after a dozen children bc "Every 14th child born in America is Indian. They figured the Indians don't have any Jewish children, why should they have Indian ones." In other words, it pokes fun at the 'stupidity' of the parents- the ethnicity chosen for the joke is meaningless.Just another example of hyper-sensitivity in the 'PC' era

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:26 PM

Jackie Mason is a Racist!

Just kidding, of course he is not. I am surprised, though, that the intolerant Leftists have not yet accused Jackie Mason of being a racist. After all, he is a politically conservative, White male who is proud to be Jewish. That makes him a perfect target for their suffocating wrath.

(50)
K.H. Ryesky,
August 25, 2019 8:23 PM

Mixed feelings

On one hand, I am pleased that Aryeh has joined the Jewish people as a proud member, but on the other hand, I am concerned that he may, perhaps unwittingly, be allowing himself to become co-opted into the weaponization of political correctness, which historically has caused much trouble for the Jewish people.

Aryeh's article raises some very valid points. Unfortunately, too many of the nominal religious Jewish leadership have not adequately internalized the fact that we all did not go to Lithuania or Poland, and that there are valid practices which are consistent with Torah values but which differ from those that prevailed in Poland and Lithuania.

The Torah-observant world needs to be more welcoming to others who do not fit the cookie-cutter approach of many communities and yeshivas. This includes becoming attuned to the sensibilities of those who are Jewish by choice (including my own daughter-in-law), and transmitting those values to the upcoming generation.

Too many so-called "rabbinical leaders" fall far short of that goal; individual examples are to be found in the news media in any given week - and shutting down the media will not solve the problem.

(49)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 8:21 PM

Be like King David

While I agree that political correctness has been used as a platform to excuse really disgusting behavior that is not the case here. In fact,it says, a person that calls someone by a nickname they don't like not only sins gravely but will not be resurrected when the Messiah comes..why? Because he doesn't acknowledge that he offended. When King David was confronted with his supposed sin against Uriah rather than justify himself (and he had ample justification) he acknowledged,"I have sinned before G-d," that is why 'The kingship of Israel will never leave the house of David. Juxtapose that with King Saul who blamed his misjudgement on Israel . That caused him to lose the kingship.
Even if the speaker was unaware that he offended he should have apologized immediately, that is what great men do.

David Kralstein,
August 25, 2019 10:11 PM

you're wrong

If someone is insulted because he or she completely misunderstood ( as the author of this article did) the 'apology' should be nothing more than , "I'm sorry you feel offended, that was certainly not my intention." There is no reason/need/premise for apologizing for what you've done(or said)when you've clearly done nothing wrong

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:23 AM

You are clearly part of the problem.

Anonymous,
August 27, 2019 2:40 PM

Didn't apologize

The problem was that the speaker didn't apologize he blamed Me. Ho for being sensitive..i.e King Saul as opposed to King David. Rightor wrong, if you hurt / offend someone, apologize don't justify.

(48)
Jay S. SIegel,
August 25, 2019 8:02 PM

I'm sorry that you've experienced this hurtful prejudice

I'm sorry that you've experienced this hurtful prejudice. I want you to know that there are Orthodox Jews like me that find this situation intolerable. We need to educate others to being more culturally sensitive, especially to converts.

(47)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 7:55 PM

Jokes aren’t appropriate

My synagogue invited a local minister to present a sermon. In the shul were two Holocaust survivors that I know of. My cousins were also murdered. The first thing the minister said was supposed to be a joke. He said that he should have brought a hose so he could spray water and convert everyone. I did not hear anything else he said, and I heard that from several other people. I have never seen him at shul again, and it would be to soon if I did.

(46)
Dena,
August 25, 2019 7:53 PM

Good food for thought

Thank you for a valuable article with a healthy dose of food for thought. I'm sure no Jew means to offend a fellow Jew but sometimes people can make mistakes without realizing it. This article is good food for thought for everyone and can help each and every one of us be more aware and sensitive to others.

(45)
Elisheva,
August 25, 2019 7:50 PM

Thank you

My father is Sefardi from both parents and my mother is an Ashkenaz and Ethiopian jew. What United them was their cultures and beliefs. Yes different, but still Jewish. As you can imagine a common phrase we heard and still hear is ' oh you don't look jewish' or 'I thought jews were white' They raised me with pride in Jewish diversity which is a rarety in your average Chabad house. I have long been stifled by this and speaking out as a woman is more frowned upon. So I am very grateful to read this wonderful piece. On another note Torah was given not in Israel but in the wilderness of Sinai. תודה רבה

(44)
JK,
August 25, 2019 7:26 PM

We’re all guilty

I appreciate the article; however, we’re all guilty of offending someone because we’re different with different experiences. Handle it privately and if the offender doesn’t care, let it go. You can’t shame someone into sensitivity. Count the revelation as a blessing so you can decide on how you want to deal with that person in the future. We have no control over someone else’s prejudice. If you’re too pushy, you’ll fuel whatever stereotype they had about you in the first place. Don’t think your “blast” will make their feelings change. Educate with patience and a willingness to hear why they feel a certain way. Both of you can learn that way.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:25 AM

The solution to guilt is not to perpetuate it.

(43)
Barbara,
August 25, 2019 7:09 PM

Totally agree!

As a minority, I found the article insightful and right on point

(42)
Edna Boyle-Lewicki,
August 25, 2019 7:07 PM

Converts

I am a blond, blue-eyed Irish American convert. While people of color who choose Judaism undoubtedly have it harder, some of the same issues arise for those of us who don’t look like the stereotype of Ashkenazim. I converted 30 years ago, but have been subjected to ignorant comments not only at the beginning (when I was self-conscious about fitting in) but in recent years as well.
As for non-Jewish society, my whiteness has not kept me from being subjected to anti-Semitism.
I love this article and I don’t see how anyone can rightly criticize Mr Ho for relating his story. As I often say about other groups complaining about Jews, Hispanics, Muslims, African Americans: why are you so afraid to hear what we have to say? And why are white supremacists so frightened to know that in the next century, whites will no longer be in the majority?

(41)
Stephen Rubin,
August 25, 2019 6:31 PM

Response to Aryeh’s amazing article

Reb Aryeh, some of your experiences saddened me yet others made me feel very proud to be Jewish. My son-in-law, who is originally from The Netherlands, is also a Ger. I am very proud to call him my daughter’s husband. Usually I just call him my son. I made Aliyah over 40 years ago. My children were born in Israel. My daughter and son-in-law live close to Jerusalem (not far from me). But my son and daughter-in-law live in NY. I am constantly made aware, via the news and discussions with old friends, how PC and anti-Semitism have increased to disgusting levels.
I wish you a continued happy and healthy life as a Jewish-Asian-American. I also wish a great deal of nachat to you and your wife. Shana Tova U’M’vurechet

(40)
Phillip Moss,
August 25, 2019 6:07 PM

The joke is about stupidity, not race

As Freud once said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Perhaps you are indeed hypersensitive.

Ra'anan,
August 25, 2019 6:43 PM

Really? & is 6,000 000 just a number? No! If it hurts someone

Then don't say it. It's a Torah prohibition called ona-ath devarim & it will cost you a lot. Someone's father died of oral cancer he developed from smoking CIGARS, so it's no longer "just cigars."

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:30 AM

Perhaps you are indeed ignorant.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:29 PM

Common Sense

Phillip Moss, the problem with you is that you just have too much common sense as well as an intact sense of humor. Such qualities are despised by the Leftists, who insist on playing the Race Card at every turn, because freedom is their enemy.

(39)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 5:54 PM

I am really glad that Aish.com published this article. The decision to do so just reaffirms why I like this website so much. And the author, Aryeh Ho, speaks truth.

(38)
Leon,
August 25, 2019 5:40 PM

The joke is about statistics

I first heard a version of this joke many years ago from a Chinese-American statistician. The obvious meaning of the joke is that some people interpret statistical data incorrectly. Of course, it was well before the crazy times we live in now, when false accusations of racism are abound, when political correctness runs amok not unlike the Spanish Inquisition of the Dark Ages.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:45 PM

It's not about racism, it's about ona-ath devarim

Learn the halakhoth

(37)
BAE,
August 25, 2019 5:26 PM

"In the beginning our ancestors were idol worshipers..."

We should remember that Avraham Avinu was not born Jewish. We are ALL reminded every year upon reading the Hagaddah that "In the beginning our ancestors were idol worshippers," before Avraham Avinu converted to become the first Jew.

Thank-you, Aryeh Ho for your eloquent reminder to not become haughty and to not ignore the sensitivity of others with careless comments and actions.

(36)
Sarah Naomi Skoll,
August 25, 2019 5:18 PM

No excuse for any type oif racism.

There is no excuse for "accidental' or any other racism. A Jew is a Jew whatever he/she looks like. Adults should be more sensitive and teach their children to respect others

(35)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 5:02 PM

Hypersensitive

Your hypersensitive attitude is what is taking all the fun out of humor, all the interest our of music and literature. What was common 25, 50, or 100 years ago should not be judged by today's hyperPC standards. What was common and not racist in the 20th century, such as blackface should not be called racist today, it was a mask just as some others use white masks today for their silent humor. STOP JUDGING THEN BY NOW1

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:49 PM

Hooligans would physically throw Jews off of

Trains in pre-WWIi Poland. Is that racist or am I being hypersensitive?

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:31 PM

Nazi Comparison

So making an innocent joke is no different than what the nazis did to the Jews? Wow, then according to your logic, the murdering of six million Jews is no big deal. Am I not supposed to be offended by that?

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:35 AM

Your logic is astounding. I’d love to see you test your theory in public.

(34)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 5:00 PM

Racism

Beautiful article. Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. I hope your courage will inspire others to speak out as well. In line with this article: What about the President! He is an embarrassment perpetuating racism at every turn. His comments are not subtle, or hidden. Yes, you are right....Racism is no laughing matter?

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 5:26 PM

Pres Trump

You say the "President perpetuates racism" - so why is it we only hear the hatred from the Democratic side. It is the Democrats who are consumed with hatred of the President. It is the Democrats who talk about "blowing up the White House" of "punching him in the face". It is the Democrats with their Antifa thugs who harass Republicans, egged on by Maxine Waters and others shouting "get them wherever they are". Why is it the shooters where influenced by Democrats (shooter of Steve Scalise was a fan of Bernie Sanders, recent shooters were fans of Elizabeth Warren). Please tell us which side held picture of a beheaded Pres Trump, or acted out a scene of killing the President. I could go on and on. Isn't it strange how the Dems/Lefitist always accuse others of what they are guilty of.

Alan S.,
August 25, 2019 6:04 PM

Insanity is insanity whomever promulgates it.

Sorry to say, while Trump is not a racist, almost every word that leaves his lips is a derogatory one to some group. Maxine Waters is just as wrong as Trump.

Listen to the actual words use. Dems/leftist vs. reps/rightists are just repugnant labels.

Almost everyone is wrong on this issue.

Rachel,
August 25, 2019 6:31 PM

Thank you

I don’t understand how some people here can be so obtuse. I disagree for everything Steve Scalise stands for, but I prayed for his recovery and that of the others wounded, and I sent him a get well card— along with the request that I not be added to his political mailing list.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:16 PM

Exactly!

Yashar koach! Thank you!

Yoni,
August 26, 2019 2:47 AM

President Trump????

What does President Trump have to do with this article? The only thing I can think of is that some people look at every issue how can they criticize the president for this. Let’s leave that kind of behavior to other groups. As Jews, we can say thank you to the most pro Israel president in history.

MAGA 2020!

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 12:13 PM

Not the best idea

to drag President Trump into this arti le. I think the poster meant that he la ks sensitivity when he speaks.

But, Noooo, no thank you, here. He is causing more harm to the Jewish people than you are seeing. I hope we will rebound from the damage once he is out of office.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:34 PM

Twisted Minds

Yoni, President Trump has absolutely nothing to do with this article, but that dos not stop the Intolerant Leftists from using it as still another opportunity to falsely accuse him of being a racist. Their insistence on playing the Race Card in every conversation has rendered that term meaningless. Now whenever they use the Race Card, I know that they have lost the argument.

(33)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 4:56 PM

Applaud the article

Aryeh Ho has done the Jewish community a great service. He has opened the eyes and minds of those who read his words. We are all prejudiced. It is education, a willingness to listen, and empathy for others that elevates us from the pit of prejudice.

(32)
Mimi Maizlech,
August 25, 2019 4:53 PM

Inspiring

Thank you, dear nephew for your inspiring words.
May we all be Blessed to see the time when such an article is no longer needed.
Until then...keep inspiring!

(31)
Lois Feinberg,
August 25, 2019 4:34 PM

"Everyone is racist"

I heard that from a close friend who is not Jewish and an affluent immigrant. We were speaking of Trump during the presidential campaign and his hatred of Muslims and why she was voting for him. She wanted to keep the Muslims from "invading" our southern border. I said the first letter was correct, but it was Mexicans, not Muslims, it wasn't an invasion and that what she said was racist. I cut off our friendship because of her ignorance and racism. I started thinking about what she said and realized that she was correct, albeit not to the extent that she was talking about. Political Correctness is important because it defines what is absolutely unacceptable, however the deep prejudices we learned in our childhood are all there. I believe human beings are born tribal and that how civilized you are depends on the size of your tribe, however we all need to explore our inner thoughts as they crop up and recognize the divisive ones. When I was in first grade in NY we had free lunches for children who could not go home or applied for them. My teacher expelled a black child from lunch because of his behavior. I walked home for lunch and, when I saw this boy outside, I gave him the $2.50 I had in my pocket and told him to go to the local luncheonette for a sandwich. It was 1946 and $2.50 was a a lot of money. My mother asked me why I hadn't just invited him to our house. At that age I realized that I had never seen a black person in my neighborhood no less in my house. It never entered my mind to invite him home. My parents weren't blatantly racist and had never said anything negative about blacks, but I recognized it in society at age 6. What I do now when unwelcome thoughts come into my head is I talk to myself and say "how ridiculous" and put them out of my mind.

Yael,
August 25, 2019 5:59 PM

I take issue with your statement.. "Trump's.. hatred of Muslims". It's incorrect, lazy thinking & stereotyping. The 'ban' was temporary and only on certain specific Muslim countries, not all. You may not like Trump but why not get your facts right ?Why did you cut this friend off - why end a friendship because you dont like their opinions ?Can you only be friends with people who agree with you on everything ? What's tolerance really about ?

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:55 PM

Absolutely agree with you

Ya'el!

Lois Feinberg,
August 26, 2019 6:58 PM

Tolerant?

I can never be tolerant about racism. and no one should be!! If you accept it, it grows. Those are not "opinions". They are prejudice and my friend was proud of those thoughts. I admit my prejudicial feelings and speak to myself about how wrong they are. You are entitled to your opinion on Trump. It is what I see day after day. We have to stand up for our values and, if a person is a hater, how can you feel good about that person?

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:36 PM

Who is the Real Hater?

Lois Feinberg, it sounds like it is you who are full of hatred and intolerance. It boggles my mind how any Jew can be against President Trump, given that he is the most pro-Israel President in all of American history. But hey, there is no stopping the Intolerant Left from playing the Race Card every chance they get.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:06 PM

An excellent, sane comment...

Ms. Feinberg has hit the nail on the head!!

Yasher koach to you.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 6:59 PM

Thanks!

Thanks!

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:15 PM

The inevitable Trump-bashing

If it's another Aish article, we must have the inevitable Trump-bashing. Obviously, the most pro-Israel president ever, and the most pro-Jewish president since John Adams, must bring out the worst in Jews. Why? Why can't we be grateful for a man who wants to protect Israel and to protect America from jihadists? Is America's problem that we haven't had enough terrorist attacks, and we need more?

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:49 PM

My problem with Trump

1. You do not protect US from jihadists by banning all citizens of Muslim countries. Either it’s a religious test, or it excludes non-Muslims as well as Muslims. Remember the shoe bomber? He was British Caucasian. Meanwhile, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Bahaii, and unaffiliated persons could be denied entry because of birth in Iran, Iraq, etc. 2. US presidents and office-holders should not be favoring a particular party in a foreign democracy. Similarly, they should not be opposing a particular foreign office-holder. I worked for the federal government and would have been fired had I expressed support for Netanyahu and Johnson, or opposition to the Norwegian PM or the Mexican president. It’s fine to oppose policies that do not align with US interests, but not parties nor candidates. 3. Harry Truman supported the creation of the modern state of Israel. Lyndon Johnson supported Israel when most of the world could not understand why the mighty US would stand beside tiny Israel in the face of Arab numbers and Soviet support for the Arab world. 4. The Trump administration supports some Israelis and the president is evidently fond of his convert daughter and her Jewish husband. That does not demonstrate widespread concern for American Jews.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 7:20 PM

I still don't understand Jews supporting Trump

Obama provided Israel with millions for Israel's Iron Dome Defense system. He was trying to be an honest broker for peace in the middle east and, just because he didn't like Netanyahu--a crook by the way- Obama was seen as anti Israel. Obama was right about him, but Netanyahu has done good things for Israel.All Trump's moves that are pro Israel is done to energize his right wing Christian base. Nice, but it doesn't make him any less a racist or pro Jewish.

Chaya,
August 25, 2019 7:32 PM

Wrong.

Trump's antisemitic trope putting the words disloyal and Jew in the same sentence for selfish political reasons, no less, is deplorable. This has led to the murder of Jews. He is no friend to Jews.

Americans are free to vote as they choose, and I daven with all my heart and Soul they vote him out. May Moshiach come soon; the hatred, divisiveness and in-fighting has to Stop.

His reference to that he is the "Second coming of G-d" and Israelis think he is the King of Israel, is a testament to his narcissism.

Wake up ! Enough already. The neo-Nazis of his base, white supremacist nationalist haters and racists are emboldened with every tweet. Antisemitism is rising.

He betrayed me as an American, he betrayed me as a Jew.

So, yes, I will most certainly exercise my right of free speech and the power of my vote at the polls. *Because* I am a Jew, from a frum family, Never Again, and because I am an American citizen.

Yoni,
August 26, 2019 2:57 AM

MAGA 2020!

Thank you President Trump for your strong unwavering support for Israel. Thank you President Trump for calling out those vile hateful Hitler wannabe Muslim congresswomen. I agree 100% with President Trump, any Jewish person who votes for someone who wants them dead because there’s a D at the end of their name instead of an R is either misinformed or disloyal.

This is a good opinion piece, it explains really well how what Trump is doing, putting a wedge into what has always been strong bipartisan support for Israel, hurts Israel. Good points, because after Netanyahu and after Trump, the rest of us will be left picking up the pieces.

I am Blessed and grateful that in my Shul and Family there is no politics discussed. Period. It is kept at the door. The business of HaShem, Torah and Mitzvot is at hand. But, with antisemitism rising, it is a frightening time. Much wiser leaders are needed. The division and tension is felt.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 7:34 PM

Clarity

You see it as it is! I cannot understand how so many Jewish people don't see the man as a raving lunatic! They think that because he has a Jewish son in law that makes him immune to antisemitism? His father was in the KKK. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:39 PM

Apples and Trees

Actually, President Trump's father was a good friend of the Jews, as the President himself has been for many decades before he ever considered running for President. With your extreme hatred, it sounds like it is you who embraces the KKK.

(30)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 4:31 PM

WelWell said. Well Written From A Person Born Into The Tribe

Your words speak for themselves.
Welcome!

(29)
Eli Willner,
August 25, 2019 4:31 PM

Sorry you were offended but the job wasn't racist...

... and the fellow who said it has nothing to apologize for. The joke doesn't play on stereotypes of any kind - substitute any ethnic group for "Asian" and the joke works just as well.

Political correctness has gotten way out of hand; liberals use it as a weapon and it has come to the point where the mere mention of ethnicity can be arouse the cry of "racist"!

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:58 PM

Is it mutar to tell a joke that hurts people?

Ask your poseq, it's a safeq de-oraitha.

Joshua,
August 26, 2019 9:53 AM

Your white-ness is showing

It’s kind of funny that you clearly don’t understand the joke. But you did make sure to comment. ?

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:41 PM

Whiteness

Joshua's anti-White-ness racism is showing

Anonymous,
August 28, 2019 12:40 PM

Eli Willner is Correct

Eli Willner still has both common sense as well as a sense of humor, two traits absolutely despised by the suffocating, intolerant Leftists.

(28)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 4:30 PM

Very well said

Whilst we are sensitive to other groups criticizing Jews, unfortunately we cannot see the humps om our own back, especially from insular societies. May we all move forward with Ahavat Chinam and correct our human failings.

(27)
Israel Simkins,
August 25, 2019 4:28 PM

Jewish humor

Jews laugh at themselves and mean no harm.
They laugh at others and mean no harm.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 7:03 PM

You can slap yourself all you want, but

That doesn't give you the right to slap others

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 12:12 AM

You can laugh at your own group NOT others

My parents explained this to me many years ago. You should never make fun of others, as individual or a group . Making fun of yourself or your own group show self-awareness and a sense of humor.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:54 AM

Yes, that’s called a coping mechanism of bigotry.

Anonymous,
August 30, 2019 10:07 AM

Well you slapped a fancy label on that

I'd rather live in the other Anonymous's world though.

(26)
Gershom,
August 25, 2019 4:26 PM

From a psychology perspective - it evokes and raises - ......

This is a well thought out - and written article - on the sensitivities - of our relationships - with our fellow man.

From a psychology perspective - it evokes and raises - a whole slew of PC weaponry issues.

It did leave out - an issue that is common - among those in comedy - and different people who give speeches - etc.. And that is - what do we do with - and how are we to understand - those of a particular ethnic group - or religious belief - speakers - etc., - who tell jokes - or speak out - with what can be considered - self deprecating - jokes - stories - and words?

By their actions - they make it difficult - to defend being offended by - certain words - or phrases. Making it appear as though - the person who is offended - is OVERLY PC sensitive - and looking to make a mountain out of a mole hill. And they should be more tolerant - of what was not meant to be - offensive.

Yet - if we all - turn to G-D's Torah Commandments - Laws - and Mitzvoth - we might be able to see - and ask ourselves - is that - word - phrase - joke - etc., - really that important - to the message we are trying to convey? Is it worth - offending - even one person? After all - we are supposed to love our fellow - as we love ourselves.And - if we are offended - should we not - take into account - that - person who spoke with - insensitivity - did so - without intent - to harm? And shouldn't we then - grant them - the benefit of the doubt - and forgiveness?

(25)
Nancy,
August 25, 2019 4:19 PM

Re: The non apology

When the teller of the joke said "I'm sorry you found my joke offensive," he may as well have said sorry/not sorry. I am someone who tends to be mouthy and has alas probably offended more than one person in my life. When that happens I am GENUINELY sorry. A huge WTG goes out to Aryeh Ho, for he has reminded me yet again to THINK before opening my mouth to speak!!

(24)
Al Farrell,
August 25, 2019 4:17 PM

Klal Yisrael--a people of many hues and colors, but all ONE people

Beautifully written piece! Klal Yisrael finds itself all over the world--we have Asian Jews, African Jews, South American Jews...Diversity is part of our definition, as well as part of our opportunity to enrich one another. Torah is the fabric that unites us, and should be keeping us ever-sensitive to the words we use and the outlooks we take on. Every Jew is special and unique. We don't need to look the same to be worthy of love and respect. Kudos to Aryeh for reminding us to live up to our own potential!

(23)
Naomi,
August 25, 2019 3:52 PM

I was offended by it and I am not Chinese

Although it’s not racist but definitely not sensitive. When we have antisemites in congress who say holocaust gives them calming feeling, while saying the Palestinians experiencing the real holocaust or all about the Benjamins while no one has even mention that Qatar is giving more money than AIPAC (and we diffidently need AIPAC more now than ever), while we all Jews should fight Antisemitism in the Democratic Party that signaling to the White supremacy that the Jews are weak and it’s okay to hate them, we should be extra careful not to hurt good people (especially fellow Jew), to be united and stop the hate toward us all born Jews and converted Jews.

Yoni,
August 26, 2019 3:00 AM

Well said

Well said, I agree 100%

(22)
Borys,
August 25, 2019 3:50 PM

comment

People telling "Polish jokes" suffer from inferiority complex and require compassion - think Poles and laugh wholeheartedly when hearing how stupid they are. This is the key issue - not to make people oversensitive but to teach them how to ignore the stupidity and laugh - not of the jokes but of the tellers. This is the wrong way to make our environment emotionally sterile as people shortly become stupid and self-centered! Improve yourself - and don't pretend that you are a wise Jew from Chełm!

(21)
Gustavo Barajas,
August 25, 2019 3:49 PM

Democracy

This is the result of Democracy. The Jewish people are going through a moment of egoism and have forgotten that racisim is something they promote through democracy. Their is racisim against the Jews of Yemen, and the Jews of Iran. Most Ashkenazi American are even racist towards Jews who were were born in Mexico even though those Jews are Ashkenazi. I heard a great wise man say, If someone gives you trouble do not take it and let it squash you say something back even if its is offensive. I have experienced racisim from Ashkenazi Americans thinking they are powerful just because Trump is in power or simply because they are white they are powerful. Their is something wrong with Ashkenazim!! Lets see if Aish can handle the truth on this one!! Bunch of Wannane Anglo Jews.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:09 PM

"Their [sic] is something wrong with Ashkenazim"?

Is this part of the campaign to end stereotypes? Really?

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 12:13 PM

At least an attempt. One racist at a time.

(20)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 3:47 PM

So Sorry Mr. Ho that people were insentive to you and your family!

Sadly, I too have had to remind my fellow Jews too many times, that their insensitivity to others is not nice and only shows a lack of their self esteem.

(19)
Josh levine,
August 25, 2019 3:47 PM

Agree w writer of course

Identifying and Squashing racism ought to be the ONE thing all Jews are great at. Just mortifying.

(18)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 3:46 PM

Thsnkyou

Thanks so much fot the deeply thoughtful and timrly article. When I am acussed of being tooo politically correct, I just gently remind that I am trying to be actually correct.

While the joke is not insensitive to Mr. Jacobs, the joke is obviously insensitive to someone else. "There" or "not there", it depends on your perspective.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 9:58 AM

#youaretheproblem

(16)
Lyone Fein,
August 25, 2019 3:43 PM

I Agree

Thank you so much for writing this article! It is, unfortunately, the case that we in the Jewish community too often use our own minority status as a cover or excuse for behavior that is thoughtless and bigoted itself. This is a perfect example of the proverbial saying that "Two wrongs don't make a right." Only doing/saying what is right makes things right.

(15)
Ilana Rachel Wald,
August 25, 2019 3:43 PM

Racism

Being something different from the norm is hard for some to accept but what is the norm? Showing love and acceptance to each is hard but once the effort is made, it is well worth it. No one likes to be on the receiving end of HATE. Love is so better. If we try, we can . ........

(14)
Yolanda Fonseca,
August 25, 2019 3:41 PM

Kavanah

While the action is not intentional to divide, the bias is ingrained...it comes out involuntarily. The source needs to be addressed and then it will be natural to speak without seoeration.

(13)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 3:41 PM

How true. & Thank you.

I wish to thank Reb Aryeh for pointing out an issue that we, as born Jews, should, indeed, be more sensitive to. And particularly for doing so within this period of time leading up to Rosh HaShannah.

I have been privileged to have lived with and learned with Righteous converts.(My first wife is a convert and we're not divorced due to anything having to do with her conversion.)I have also seen firsthand the reluctance of even "big" Rabbeim to accept them as Jews because they were black or "looked Irish".

We have a lot of work to do before the New Year.Loving people who are different to us is just one more way to remove unwarranted and baseless hatred from within us.And one more step in bringing closer the Geulah Sh'leimah (Final Redemption).May it come speedily and in our days.

(12)
Ben-Zion Ahava,
August 25, 2019 3:40 PM

Hear! Hear!

Very well articulated.
“What is hateful to you do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah. The rest is commentary.” -Hillel
“The time is always right to do what is right.” -M. L. King, Jr.

(11)
AlmazB,
August 25, 2019 3:35 PM

I don't understand the suprise

I don't understand the suprise but I get it. As a non convert non Ashkenazi Jewish woman of colour. I understand completely where you are coming from.

Its White people White peopleing.

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 6:00 PM

Last sentence spoils the comment

Everything in your comment made sense until the last line, where you ruined it. You yourself engaged in exactly the type of stereotyping you decry. Pot meet kettle. Do you think that there is no bigotry whatsoever among non-white people? I know from experience that there is.

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 10:00 AM

“Pot meet kettle” are you serious??Thank you for remaining as anonymous as your ignorance.

Anonymous,
August 30, 2019 10:11 AM

Please point out the error in Anonymous' statement

instead of gasping, Anonymous II.

(10)
Silky Pitterman,
August 25, 2019 3:29 PM

Not completely right

Aryeh, I understand what your article is bringing out. I had a teacher in my yeshiva high school who would make joke about Jews from Hungarian background. I felt very upset. I find that homogeneous communities tend to make people feel distance from people not like them. Thus you find in some MO communities people will have negative opinions of Chassidic and Yeshivish Jews. Of course, these feelings run both ways. There is a reason Hashem had to tell us to love each other. It doesn't seem to be a natural feeling. It is something we have to work for.All that said, I think you were a little over sensitive about that joke. Having an Asian child is definitely a negative thing if both parents are of European background! The joke is obviously how foolish the 2 parents are. Not anything about Asian. I will also agree with the commenter about Asian eyes. Westerners do consider Asian eyes beautiful. Look how people make up their eyes to look almond shaped.Keep fighting the good fight against prejudice, but please don't go looking for prejudice where it doesn't exist.

(9)
James,
August 25, 2019 3:29 PM

Not racist

In an earlier era, when people weren't as "woke" as some people are now, it would have been obvious to any listener that the joke was not a racist slam against Asians, but a story about the foolish thinking of a buffoon. The person who stopped having children was the buffoon, and his foolish dislike for Asians and his misunderstanding of statistics were indication of the buffoon's stupidity and had nothing to do with the teller's view of Asians.

Instead, this writer's assumption was that the couple who stopped having kids are supposed to be intelligent, and the Asian is to be disrespected. She turned the joke completely upside down and wouldn't admit that she willfully misinterpreted it.

I've seen in college classes that simply mentioning a group in any context if you are not of that group will arouse student ire among the current generation. Once I mentioned the objective fact that publishers' market research has shown that the greatest consumers of contemporary art fiction are gays and Jews. The students got angry. Is there anything bad about being an avid reader of art fiction? Of course not! But the mere mention of those two groups was considered disparagement, even though I was pointing out something positive. Apparently, the writer is of a similar mentality to those students.

(8)
Imelda Pearce,
August 25, 2019 3:27 PM

becoming sensitive to minority subgroups will only elevate Jews

I am so grateful to Aryeh Ho for pointing out our blind spot in racial identity. It is so challenging to be a Jew, trying to follow so many commands and unwritten social rules so we can have the best society. i am so glad Mr. Ho has used this tool of gentle chastisement. To hear it requires a degree of humility most of us don't yet have. We may never get there without the gentle light slowly waking us up. Internal change is not possible until we first love ourselves enough to allow in the criticism. It requires a slowing down of the mind, and a question of "Is it possible?"

(7)
David,
August 25, 2019 3:06 PM

No room in Judaism for racism

The author is gracious to call the racism “accidental.” It does exist, and it’s not always accidental. However, to treat another Jew differently based on skin color is antithetical to Jewish law, and should not be tolerated.
As a side note, if the author was born and raised in NY, why doesn’t he have an accent? New Yorkers all seem to...

(6)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 2:42 PM

Is this offensive?

I was wondering if the author objects to the term for auctions in many Jewish communities, namely "Chinese auctions?

Anonymous,
August 26, 2019 10:01 AM

If you have to ask, “Is it racist?” Then yes, it is.

(5)
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman,
August 25, 2019 2:23 PM

Perfect

As a person who has had the privilege of knowing Aryeh before his conversion and after, I can say with confidence that if more Jews acted as Aryeh Ho we all would be in a much better place.
There is not a bitter or resentful bone in his entire being and he is a person who I refer to as my son and his children (on their own initiative) call my wife Bubby.
Aryeh Ho is more “Jewish” than many born Jews and this sorely needed and well written article reminded me how careful and sensitive I must be to others.
Thank you Aryeh for saying what had to be said.
Your sincere love of the Jewish people and your candid comments which are written so eloquently, will sensitize all of us to being more careful of our words and will undoubtedly spread much needed love among all people.
Thank you Aryeh for saying what needed to be said.
I am honored to call you my dear friend.
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Passaic, NJ

Ron Yitzchok Eisenman,
August 25, 2019 6:06 PM

allow me to add

I would like to add that I am proud to be part of the Jewish people and of the human race with people such as Aryeh Ho. I know his parents and his sister and you will not find finer, decent, honest, hard-working, moral, ethical and wonderful people than his parents and his sister.I still recall the true Simcha his mother expressed when Aryeh shared with her the news that he became a Jew.It never mattered to his family if he was becoming part of a largely Caucasian society or part of an African- American group. The only thing that mattered was that he maintain his Middos Tovos and that he was happy with his choices.Aryeh's wonderful character traits were not developed in a vacuum.His sensitivity to others is not only motivated by the Jewish teachings he has absorbed, but they were also carefully cultivated by his loving and sensitive parents.Kol HaKavod to Aryeh and make sure your parents and sister see the article.It will bring them Nachas!Ron Yitzchok Eisenman

(4)
Sharona,
August 25, 2019 2:02 PM

The author is SO right

This article makes me feel uncomfortable, because it is so true.Sadly.Thank you for bringing up this important topic, and forcing us to look honestly at ourselves.

Mark Brecker,
August 25, 2019 3:36 PM

YES AND NO

I AM VERY SENSITIVE TO ALL RACIAL PREJUDICE, BUT AM ACCUSED OF SAME BY OTHERS, SOME WELL-MEANING, SOME NOT QUITE SO. WHAT I MEAN IS THAT HAVING SPENT 2 YEARS TEACHING IN ETHIOPIA, I WAS MOST FREQUENTLY THE WHITEST APPEARING ISRAELITE, AT SCHOOL, IN THE MARKET, AT THE MOVIES, ETC. HENCE, AMONG MY MANY OBSESSIONS IS TO SEEK OUT ETHIOPIANS BUT HAVE BEEN CRITICIZED FOR LIMITING MY SEARCH TO PEOPLE WITH A DARKER SKIN PIGMENTATION [by a long shot] THAN I. WHEN I DO IDENTIFY FROM AFAR AND THEN CLOSE UP A [fellow?] ETHIOPIAN AND TELL SOMEONE BY BEGINNING WITH "I SAW A GROUP OF BLACK PERSONS..........." AT WHICH POINT I WAS POINTEDLY TOLD THAT I SHOULD HAVE SEEN A GROUP OF PERSONS WITHOUT REGARD TO THEIR SKINS. IS THIS CRITICISM OF ME VALID?

Ra'anan,
August 25, 2019 7:22 PM

Upgrade and see only

NESHAMOTH!

(3)
Leslie Ruder,
August 25, 2019 1:31 PM

Right on, brother!

Thank you, Aryeh, for converting (pun intended!) Your and your family's painful experiences to what amounts to a clear, actionable set of suggestions for each of us in the Jewish community to ponder on and inculcate. Well before I was a Torah observant Jew, I would sit around my kitchen table as a child and here the word "shvartza" bandied about, and every time, I would protest and launched into a discussion, from about the age of nine, as to how absurd it was particularly for Jews to be prejudiced against blacks seeing as we were only a couple of decades past having been decimated by the atrocities of the Holocaust. To this day, I find myself having the same arguments about the same stupid word and concept at least once or twice a year. Thank you for putting the whole issue in this wonderful article. I hope it makes a difference. And I hope that you and your children and wonderful wife are able to see an improvement in the sensitivity and understanding of your fellow Jews.

(2)
Rishona Campbell,
August 25, 2019 11:33 AM

Yasher Koach - This Needs To Be Said!

Very well put Aryeh. I'm a Black convert and subtle racism almost pushed me away from Judaism completely. People think that racism is shouting the 'N-word' and spray painting swastikas. No...it's more of a quiet but firm exclusion...drawing lines that you cannot cross. Being questioned on how it is that I speak so well (???) or being approached and asked about whether I had involvement in the NOI or Black Hebrew Israelites (???) or my favorite, having people discuss dating and making match recommendations right in front of you...when you are single, and NEVER suggesting you or a match for you. When you even ask, the off the cuff response is "Oh, we don't know of anyone that would be your type"; which is code for another convert of the same race. In the frum world's social hierarchy, converts are below BTs...but non-White converts are beneath everyone. Which is ridiculous, because according to the Torah, which is supposed to be our guidebook to living, converts are held in very high esteem. I hope that one day we can actually live up to that ideal. Maybe then, moshiach can actually come!

Almaz B,
August 25, 2019 3:44 PM

They can't hear you

Rishona yes I totally agree and when people bring this up they first think that they say is that oh you are being overly sensitive. But when they (Ashkenmormative) jews get they wake up call from other white gentiles why do they ask all Jews to come together and unite when things are bad but the rest of the time I am a Scvartze??? Make it make sense.

Ive known so many Torah Abiding non Ashkenazi jews that have left judiasm all together just because of the negative experiences they had to deal with. Many of these people were converts and many more were not.

These are the same people that will question non Ashkenazi Jews on their Jewishness but as in the case of recent in Chicago let any white person walk up in Shul and say that they are Jewish and later on get outed as being Missionaries posing as Jews to convert people. But no one questions nor vets them. Again make it make sense

(1)
NINA,
August 25, 2019 7:43 AM

I'm sorry that the author has experienced racism in his life

I don't wish to minimize the author's hurt at the racism he has experienced. However, I live in a foreign country and every time I open my mouth and people hear my accent, they ask where I'm from and I have to explain. It's not offensive or meant badly, just that people notice differences and are curious. And I get complimented for speaking English well when it is my mother tongue. Possibly a little tiresome sometimes but not meant badly and not taken badly. "Othering" is not racism, just people noticing you are different from the usual, unless done maliciously.The last 3 examples the author gives are not racism. Why is it offensive if someone says their Western eyes were so puffy they looked Asian? It's just descriptive, and not an offensive comparison. Westerners think Asian eyes beautiful, and almond-eyed is a flattering description. It is Asians who get their eyes operated to look Western!And frankly, the joke seems more about the stupidity of the couple than about Asians, but if the guy teaches courses on cultural sensitivity, he should know better than to tell jokes that can be misunderstood. However the behavior of the children at the table was racist and impolite and should not be tolerated. How can they mock a guest at the table and not be reproached??

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 9:09 AM

Oh my gosh

Seriously, we decry antisemitism at every turn, and this is a beautiful article.

Honestly, the author is more patient, compassionate and giving than we deserve.

And the presenter a tad more malicious for my liking.

MSZG,
August 25, 2019 3:13 PM

People cant admit

I do not know the author but I wish i did. I am not a convert but I wish I had their sensitivity. I teach jewish children and it is a great reminder of the care and concern we need to show towards ALL people. We must teach our children by example and be kind and understanding of EVERYONE.Thank you Aryeh for a true reminder of middos and mentschlichkeit that is too often forgotten and missing amongst the nation that is supposed to be a light onto others

Anonymous,
August 25, 2019 7:39 PM

Don't JEWS get nose operations to look "better?"

Yet we were rightfully offended at the recent comment about our noses from a certain Southeast Asian head of state.