December 22, 2005

In the Heart of the Heart of Dixie

First, let me say that I love Alabama, but it's the kind of love that one has for an ex-lover, one who may remain your friend but who also requires little in the way of reciprocation for that love. Having spent over 2/3rds of my life as a resident of this fine state, but now nearly a decade removed from the last time I had a mailing address bearing the letters AL after the city's name, I find myself making return visits to Alabama as an outsider and with an outsider's sensibilities. The language is no longer familiar. The dress seems odd. People drive slow. So with that in mind, I thought I would make a brief list of observations made in the first few days of my holiday visit to south, south Alabama.

--Christmas lights do not make the Confederate Flag any less of a divisive symbol, even if you do say it's all about your heritage.--Children with rat tails are not our future. Those little rat tails grow up to be mullets.--Pig's feet, pickled or otherwise, should not be at the checkout stand of any store.--If I ever decide to do a podcast, I hope to have an episode in which a Southerner orders Mexican food. I'm still not sure how this one guy ever got his order. Remember, that's what the numbers are there for if you're not sure.--When did Alabamians start dropping the "l" from the end of words?--Camouflage is not a good look, on anybody, unless you're a) fighting in the service of your country, b) running moonshine in the mountains of north Georgia, c) playing in a heavy metal tribute band in Arkansas. Otherwise, keep it in the closet.

I'm still compiling. And to be fair, I'm also making a list of things I appreciate about this state. Stay tuned.