Jessica Rector's Blog Posts Tagged 'pregnancy' (6)

No sleep is not an option for me. My sense of security is back in tact since I think we are on the same page in trying to work things out. I lean over and kiss his lips. I say goodbye and don’t hear a response before I walk out the door….not knowing what is in store next.

I text Jason the next day apologizing for leaving and explaining how he knows that his loud snoring keeps me awake.

He doesn’t reply. I text him again later in the day, and he doesn’t respond to that text…

Sunday arrives. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to tell my family or not. I just don’t know what to say or how to say it. Well, let me be honest, my younger sister and my younger brother already know. So basically who’s left to tell are my older sister and older brother and my parents. My older brother won’t be there today, and my older sister is easy going and will probably be excited. She loves babies. My parents are my concern. I have no idea what reaction to expect from them. And…

I wake up the next day, and before I’m out of bed, BOOM it hits me just like that. Everything in my mind has changed. This isn’t just a good thing, it’s a great thing. It is a blessing. I want kids. So maybe it didn’t happen the way that I thought it would. It definitely didn’t happen the way I envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it’s anything but great. I say it again to myself It is a blessing!

My brother’s statement from last night plays again in my head, “If you think of it…

I leave the room and sit in the lobby for them to finish my paperwork. While I’m waiting, I send Jason a text saying, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m at Planned Parenthood. They confirm that I am pregnant and due in November.”

He sends a text back saying, “I don’t even know what to say to you.”

Stunned by this reply, I’m at a loss for how to respond. How does he not know what to say to me? Last I knew, it takes two for this result to happen.

I never thought I would be one of them. Not that I ever judged them, because my younger sister was one. It just never occurred to me that it would be me. I had been so picky about finding “the one,” and at 37 I thought I did…until reality set in and I knew I hadn’t.

Being self-employed, I didn’t have health insurance. So I went to Planned Parenthood to get on the pill. The nurse asked, as they always do, when was the first day of my last menstrual cycle? I don’t know about you, but I…