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Weekend Reflection: Unlimited Happiness

I have a confession: I spend a lot of my time pushing myself to be as invincible as possible so that the people around me have a positive influence when no one else is. I feel like the world has gotten so negative and so dependent on dealing with things in the worst ways possible that I owe it to myself to contribute to the world in the right fashion. And for the most part, it’s worked - that’s not to say I’ve been actively tricking anyone, but rather I’ve become unaffected by most negative things. Over the past few years, I’ve gone from constantly anxious to consistently relaxed, went from socially afraid to feeling comfortable with strangers, shining away from the spotlight to wanting to thrive in it. That confidence I’ve gained has earned me some great things, pushing myself has as well. Yet, for all of this, I'm still only somewhat invincible.

A long way from invisible, a slightly distant way from invincible

Recently, I’ve undergone some difficulties with certain people that has been a bit of a challenge - I find my cool unraveling sometimes because of disrespectful behaviors that hurt people close to me. You see, I’ve developed quite a thick skin and I’ve learned to roll with anything and everything that people throw at me. I’ve become absolutely appreciative of constructive criticism but I don’t let negative comments come close to touching me. Yet, when something threatens the people closest to me, the persona I’ve built for myself leaves. There’s no negotation, there’s only an urge to defend those people until I cannot simply stand do so. Over time, I’ve become a lot better at being rational but there are just some things that need to be considered, and if respect doesn’t come standard in this world, I’ll always feel like basic human manners should. No one should ever feel threatened out of the sanctity of their own environment, and while I’ve always been one for change, I will never be one for people who force their beliefs.

I guess it's possible for "house" and home" to mean two completely different things

It’s the moment when something goes from a slight nag to a full blown fight that really gets to you. I’ve grown emotionally and mentally tired of the awkward stares and passive-aggressive behavior that has tried to encapsulate my life, but that’s also made me appreciate everything else I have more. I have true love for my friends who are there to support me even when they don’t know they are, as well as the things I’ve earned and the work I do. In a time where I constantly feel pressured to not live a casual life, I’ve found joy in my work. I’m in love with the fact I am a writer in a welcoming environment with friendly people who do the absolute best to teach, encourage, and let me grow. I love that I’ve been allowed to advance as far as I have in a field like information technology, getting things out of the way so people become more successful. And while certain people will hurdle disingenuity at me for not being a doctor or accomplishing "traditional thinking", I have learned fairly quickly that not everyone will like you, so never let them see you stress out.

Ultimately, your happiness is as limited or as unlimited as you want it to be

When I wakeup, I sometimes realize that the day has become a fight. In fact, sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting. Yet, I learned that things will try to engulf you so much to disturb you and knock you out of your element. And for all of these experiences, I want to give you some advice, even if you take nothing else away from this post: Things will try and disturb you all the time. People will try to tell you that you aren’t shit. Fate will misconstrue your destiny and make things seem hopeless. It will rain. But please, whoever you are, whatever you’re doing, however hard or complicated things may be, just breathe, and get to work. Fall in love with the people and things that love you, and never ever feel discouraged because someone has the audacity to try and change you. Love who you are and improve on that. You may not be able to change other people, but you'll always be able to hold onto yourself.

I am a little late in posting this because I just wrapped up my finals for the semester, but that does not mean that I have forgotten about ...

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