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Outside events:
The Science Fiction Association of Bergen County meets on the second
Saturday of every month in Upper Saddle River; call 201-933-2724 for
details. The New Jersey Science Fiction Society meets on the third
Saturday of every month in Belleville; call 201-432-5965 for details.

The last two weeks I told how I came to go to a restaurant that
had legendary hot chicken wings called The Wings of Death. Last
week I told how I managed to down the cursed things, nearly
destroying my mouth in the process. I won. But the ordeal was
just starting. I had forgotten that really hot sauce was painful
to more than just the mouth.

I got though most of the sandwich, left most of the fries behind
and just at that point the hot sauce hit my stomach. Well it
probably had hit it quite a bit before for it was at that point
that it burned through the insulation. This may have been worse
than eating the wings. I had not expected this. Rarely to I find
hot foods hurt my stomach. These did. I paid the bill. We asked
the server what percentage of people actually finish all four
pieces. She said it was about 25%. The problem is that eating the
wings was just not pleasurable since they were so darn hot.
Luckily the burning stopped while I walked proudly from the
restaurant a victor. Some victor. Just as I hit the car, the
grinding pain in my stomach started again. The chicken wings were
trying to burn their way out. I remembered a certain scene from
the film ALIEN. I had to treat my stomach with chocolate milk,
picked up from a convenience store, the whole trip back. Even at
home I would get grinding stomach aches for the next three hours.

When I got home I put a film that I recently had gotten a keeping
copy of, recorded off of cable. The film was THE BEAST FROM 20,000
FATHOMS. There is some irony there, but only for me. With many
films you can see them multiple times, but one viewing will stick
with you. Whenever I see THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS, I remember
seeing it as a child. I had stayed home from school because I had
a strep throat. The doctor had just come and taken a throat
culture. (Yes, I know I am dating myself. Doctors did make house
calls in those days.) So here I was in pain and I eased the pain
by watching a monster movie on TV. That is twice for this film.
Once again it was here to take my mind off of my pain.

Oh, the other side effect was that if I touched my nose I would
find in a few seconds my nose was burning. This is spite of the
fact that I had washed my hands multiple times. There still was
pepper extract on my hands that would not wash off. I was like
Rappaccinis daughter. The poison had become an integral part of
part of my being. It no longer burned me (much) but what it
touched it killed--well burned anyway.

I think I mentioned in this column that Evelyn and I had listened
at one point to a radio dramatization of "Leiningen Versus the
Ants." That is the famous story in which a man protects his
Brazilian plantation against an attack by twenty square miles of
soldier ants eating everything in their path. George Pal adapted
it into the film THE NAKED JUNGLE with Charleton Heston, if that
reminds you of it. Evelyn asked my why didn't Leiningen just give
up his plantation? After all his defense pretty well ruined
everything anyway. I thought about it for a minute and told her
"It's a Man Thing." So was conquering the Wings of Death worth
the pain? It depends on whom I am talking to. If I am talking to
a woman, no. It was a stupid thing to do. If I am talking to
another guy, sure. Sure, it was worth it. Even 75% of people who
order The Wings of Death--knowing that it is going to be an
ordeal--still are not prepared for how much of an ordeal it is.
These are people who have discovered their limit. When it comes to
hot food, I still have not found my limit. And if I am lucky, I
never will. But I never want to come this close to finding it
again. But I am proud that I passed the test. It's just a Man
Thing, I guess. [-mrl]