Fucking Awesome Turtle Facts Part Four

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Turtles cannot view movies, because they
would never pay the extra .
Turtles have an amazing spatial memory; if you
play with their action figures they' ll know right
away, so don' t do it,] ememy.
A turtle' s front teeth never stop growing, which
is why they so often chew on wood, or human
bones.
The turtle' s rough skin is not just protective and
also spells words in Braille.
However, most of the words are insults and
swears, which explains the tension between
turtles and the blind.
Turtles in their larvae phase are actually
parasitic, their host organism being upright
marshals. This is where the flu comes from.
The turtle was initially proposed to be the
national bird of the United States of America,
but the eagle was chosen instead. At the time,
Benjamin Franklin argued the turtle was
simply too erotic."
Turtles choose a mate for life, although turtle
divorce rates have been on the rise the last few
years.
Some turtles are poisonous. The South African
Hissing Turtle has a burr on its hind legs that
releases a potent neurotoxin, excellent for
disabling predators or Evening up dull parties.
Turtles are known for their impeccable hygiene.
Turtles will commonly sit in groups, grooming
each other for insects, and getting their nails
done. They are also very liberal with male
fragrance.
Turtles can only see in two dimensions: length
and width. While this makes driving very
difficult, it also explains why turtles are so rarely
insecure about their body image.
Turtles in the wild can separate their head from
their body as a means to deceive predators. Once
the predator leaves, the head will then regrow
the entire body. Such "false bodies" initially led
many scientists to overestimate turtle
populations by over 10 times. In reality, there are
only 20 turtles.
Turtles are the only animal to perform
photosynthesis, and they won' t stop talking
about it.
Turtles, like the Inuit, cannot break down most
processed sugars, which makes their love of
Reese' s Cups God' s .
Turtles cannot physically see triangles. Thus,
sadly, to turtles, the Triforce is meaningless.
Turtles have a very complex life cycle: they start
off as spores, grow into immobile polyps, and then
transform via cocoon into tadpoles, which grow
into fully formed turtles. Then another couple
things happen, I' m not sure what, and they finally
end their cycle by becoming falcons. You guys
should' seen the citation on this onehit was
pretty impressive. But nope, nope, nope. Man.
What a citation.
In more dangerous turtle cities, like Sea Detroit,
Sea Baltimore, and Turtle Miami, many young
turtles are pressured into joining gangs. Among
the more prominent ones: Blood and Shells, The
Unforgivably Rude Spankies, the Despicable
Yordles, the Latin Kings (turtle division), and
Slow and Steady Wins the Race War.
In the turtle community, are referred
to as "muggles J'
Turtles don' t even like movies. l do ,
what are you guys up to tonight?
O C by Irs db's