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Misconceptions About My ESFP = Grrrrr!!!

I was writing in another thread last night where a member was asking why there aren't more "S" types hanging out on this site (Bonfire section I think). I wrote a little bit in there about how some people get the impression my ESFP boyfriend is 'dumb' because he's not the best at written communication.

He writes things really fast, usually doesn't bother to capitalize unless he's doing work for his job(s) (he is a music teacher). It does take him awhile when he works on projects requiring compositions, etc. but he does just fine. Yeah, on sites like this or Facebook he just taps out whatever comes into his head. His family makes cracks that he 'talks smart but writes stupid'. He excels at verbal communication and I swear it's like he really does 'speak' through his instruments and music. He might write fast but he seriously gets his point across though!

Also, he's SUCH a happy, friendly, outgoing person and I really friggin' hate when people take this to mean he's stupid or naive. I really hate it (I actually get it too). He smiles ALL the time and he will asks questions like a little kid when he's really interested in someone or something (which he usually is!). I personally think it's awesome and I get really miffed at people who equate "Asking Many Questions" with "Is Obviously An Idiot". My BF takes it on the chin but I get so friggin' worked up sometimes when people condescend to him.

He also does that thing I think seems common with ESFPs where he will jump from subject to subject and wander off on all different tangents. I've told this story before on this site but once I asked him about a movie he'd just seen and he started going into it but went off in another direction. He didn't go back to the movie for the rest of that conversation and I just shrugged it off. Then, like a week later we were having food and straight out of left field he's like "Yeah, so that movie was pretty good" like he had literally just returned to that point in time and picked right back up, lol.

He does this a lot. I pick on him for it sometimes but I find it endearing. He really frustrates some people and I get mad at them sometimes because honestly, I've never seen him do that when it's something really IMPORTANT. Like if someone comes to him with a problem, or is having a hard time, he's SO attentive and focused. He only really trails off on benevolent stuff like movies, or sports, or stuff like that, you know?

This was kind of a rant but I just wanted to vent!! Wondered if anyone here relates?

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

I can relate to why you posted this.
If these conceptions were placed upon my significant other I would be quite upset:steam:

Yeah, I guess it's been getting to me because among people who have known my for awhile he's the 'new' guy; meaning my first relationship after my divorce.

They judge a lot from his posts on Facebook (part of me is like, don't you have anything better to do than stalk my profile making judgments about my BF?). They've reacted kind of like they're worried he's not smart enough for me and that he seems like a 'jock type' that won't fit with me, etc.

They liked my ex-husband a lot because he had excellent writing skills and honestly, he was really good at 'painting' himself as a persona because that's just what he did (he was a narcissist).

Basically, the ex-husband gave good face as an educated, professor-like, upstanding intellectual citizen but behind the scenes he was emotionally cold and manipulative. My new boyfriend comes off as 'worrisome' to them because he doesn't go into long pointed conversations about 'issues' and all this stuff (I think there are a lot of 'I's and 'J's in this group, I get that feeling) but he is so warm, loving, expressive and most of all GENUINE. If I love him for anything it's his genuineness.

Gah. I've been on the cusp of telling a couple of them off but my BF is like "Chill like otter pops baby!" (<--direct quote). I really want to though!!

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

This was kind of a rant but I just wanted to vent!! Wondered if anyone here relates?

YES. This is why I sometimes feel like I am ESFP. I go off on tangents exactly like your guy does (my friends tell me this all the time, I deny it), and I can pick right up where I left off hours later. I talk a lot.

I've also been called "stupid" and "dumb" and "naive" many many many times. *sigh*

It used to hurt my feelings but now I've learned that some people just don't like happy people and they think you must be ignorant of all the perils of life and the world if you are still happy. This is not true. Being perpetually depressed is just not my thing. It doesn't feel good or solve anything for me. It doesn't mean that I ignore or don't feel things just as deeply or deeper. I am a good listener, and consoler and am eager to help others too.

I'm just naturally drawn to cheer and cheerful people. I love them! They make me laugh and they infect me with their happy disease whether they want to or not. It's awesome. I say spread that sunshine all you want over here, baby.

It used to hurt my feelings but now I've learned that some people just don't like happy people and they think you must be ignorant of all the perils of life and the world if you are still happy. This is not true. Being perpetually depressed is just not my thing. It doesn't feel good or solve anything for me. It doesn't mean that I ignore or don't feel things just as deeply or deeper. I am a good listener, helper, and consoler.

I totally own I used to be such a jackass like that when I was younger. I was bullied by the popular crowd for years in school. Happy, outgoing, friendly folks are naturally popular but I just decided "Popular Person = Shallow A**hole". I hung around with (and was one of) those miserable mofos who gather to congratulate themselves on being so smart and hating on popular folks. It was such a rotten period of time and I did not feel good about much of anything.

As I got older I learned there are just a**holes to be found in any group on earth (seriously, there are even a**holes in wheelchairs, sorry but it's true!). I started really taking people on a person-to-person basis and not doing that stereotyping thing. I have come to really love and appreciate the outgoing, friendly, positive types. It brings out the best in me and has given ME room to express all the positive aspects of myself there was no room for with the harsher folks.

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

As I got older I learned there are just a**holes to be found in any group on earth (seriously, there are even a**holes in wheelchairs, sorry but it's true!).

Hahaha! Yes, there is. It's so true!

I started really taking people on a person-to-person basis and not doing that stereotyping thing. I have come to really love and appreciate the outgoing, friendly, positive types. It brings out the best in me and has given ME room to express all the positive aspects of myself there was no room for with the harsher folks.

I, too, admit that I when I am feeling down I'll need a couple of hours to just marinade in the sadness and really feel it. At that time it's sooo much better to do that with someone else who can fully understand my sadness... I don't know why, maybe it's cathartic or something, but it's what I need at the time and I seek out my friends who are like this then and it feels really good to have that closeness and understanding.

After a while though I'll get tired of that (or bored maybe) go back to being happy without thinking about it. I think it's like how a rubberband can get stretched but will always go back to it's original shape.

After a while though I'll get tired of that (or bored maybe) go back to being happy without thinking about it. I think it's like how a rubberband can get stretched but will always go back to it's original shape.

OMG! You know what this made me think of?

I have always been the type to have my moment to cry it all out and maybe descend into despair for a little while. Seriously, I'll tumble into despair but only for like an hour TOPS. Then I usually find the humor in it, get up off my ass and continue on with life. A lot of times, it's truly like the harder I cry, the harder I get uplifted and inspired to keep going afterward.

Did you ever meet those people who act like being sad 'doesn't count' unless you're ready to kill yourself for, like, a week? Those people who CANNOT be cheered up or comforted no matter what you do and act like trying to find the humor in it is like an affront to their pain ???? I've had friends who reacted to me trying to make them laugh after a good cry like I just kicked their kitten in the face or something, lol. Like "Why do you insist on always trying to s**t on my pain????? .

I'd apologize, then I'd walk home alone like "Jeez, somebody thinks the sun rises and sets in their own ass, don't they? Sheeeez", hehehe.

EDIT: Like, when it comes to teenagers I can look the other way because that comes with the territory. I was like that as a teenager sometimes too. I'm talking grown adults who react like they're going to kick you out of their house for suggesting their problem MIGHT not be the end of the world.

Last edited by Gloriana; 08-03-2010 at 02:38 PM.
Reason: addition

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

I have always been the type to have my moment to cry it all out and maybe descend into despair for a little while. Seriously, I'll tumble into despair but only for like an hour TOPS. Then I usually find the humor in it, get up off my ass and continue on with life. A lot of times, it's truly like the harder I cry, the harder I get uplifted and inspired to keep going afterward.

Yep, I do that too. The only thing I don't like is that once my loved ones discover this about me, they tend to not take me seriously when I am sad and ignore me. Grrr! :steam: I NEED ATTENTION, DAMMIT!

Did you ever meet those people who act like being sad 'doesn't count' unless you're ready to kill yourself for, like, a week? Those people who CANNOT be cheered up or comforted no matter what you do and act like trying to find the humor in it is like an affront to their pain ???? I've had friends who reacted to me trying to make them laugh after a good cry like I just kicked their kitten in the face or something, lol. Like "Why do you insist on always trying to s**t on my pain????? .

Yeah I think I've met one of two of those but they scare the daylights out of me, tbh and I run. lol Relating to what you're saying tho, I mostly I meet the angry folks. Like replace the sadness in your description with anger instead.

They'll like be pissed off all day long everyday. lol

I try to be serious but I end up giggling at something really innocuous in the middle of their pissed-off rant or even giggling at them cos they never seem to stop being pissed off! It's funny to me (not in a condescending way tho). Cranky people can be cute, so long as they're really not trying to do harm.

I'd apologize, then I'd walk home alone like "Jeez, somebody thinks the sun rises and sets in their own ass, don't they? Sheeeez", hehehe.

People just need to get over themselves. :footballreferee:

EDIT: Like, when it comes to teenagers I can look the other way because that comes with the territory. I was like that as a teenager sometimes too. I'm talking grown adults who react like they're going to kick you out of their house for suggesting their problem MIGHT not be the end of the world.

I agree about teenagers. They are excused cos they don't understand yet that life is just life, man. KnowhatImean?

Yep, I do that too. The only thing I don't like is that once my loved ones discover this about me, they tend to not take me seriously when I am sad and ignore me. Grrr! :steam: I NEED ATTENTION, DAMMIT!

YES! The people who realize you're pretty good at bouncing back, so they're like "Okay, so you're gonna laugh now right? Or, what? You want to cry? But you're just gonna laugh so can we skip that part?" Gah!

Cranky people can be cute, so long as they're really not trying to do harm.

Like this?

I like to think my cranky is like that, I think it is for the most part. I tend to do that thing where I claim I'm upset but I smile. Like "No! I'm really, really ANGRY! "

I agree about teenagers. They are excused cos they don't understand yet that life is just life, man. KnowhatImean?

Yes. I endeavor to truly listen to teenagers and respect the fact they really are feeling crushed by so many things at once. I complain about teenagers just like anyone but at the end of the day, I really do think they're a group that routinely gets undeserved crap and often aren't given enough credit.

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien