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PPCL | First ever press conference

Rizzy's Assistant: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming today to this press conference. Please welcome chairman of PPCL, King Rizzy.

*loud applause*

Rizzy's Assistant: We'll now open the floor for questioning.

TenSports: Rizzy, everyone's excited about PPCL, it looks great, and the ball looks to be rolling very smoothly at the moment. Are you happy with the progression so far?

Rizzy: What is it with you guys and balls today? First Badsha, now you, seriously guys, WTH? As for progression, it's been fantastic, things have gone faster than I thought and the captains did phenomenally today to get through all them picks. The draft is one of the most exciting parts of the season, especially the very first draft, and that showed throughout this one, especially today.

ESPNCricinfo: Teams and stadiums are to be named over the next few days. The players will be looking forward to seeing which contracts they've been given. What do you think the players are going through and how will the different contracts impact the players?

Rizzy: Well, let's not forget, I might be chairman of PPCL, but I'm also playing for a team, which means I will be fixing every errr, sorry did I say that out loud? What I meant to say is that I'll be in the same boat as the rest of the players waiting anxiously to see which contract I've received, of course, I'm running this competition, so I have all the money in the world, whilst these guys are just junkies off the streets who need the money to survive, I'm filthy rich already. So the players with the better contracts will be considered as the better players, whilst those with lower contracts will be considered as the fringe players at the teams. Cricket is a strange game though, you get one hit wonder like Shahid Afridi who is overrated, gets loads of money through all these big contracts he gets, but only performs once every one million games, whilst you get people on smaller contracts who are a lot more consistent, so anything can happen.

PTV Sports: You mentioned you're also playing in a team, are you happy that you got picked for that team and your role within that team?

Rizzy: Yes, really happy, even if Hammad is a weirdo, I mean seriously, is he like a gadget putting that silly little i infront of his name like the iPhone, it doesn't make him cool, but whatever floats his boat Other than that, he's a great dude, looks like he's got everything under control at the team. We have a great bunch of lads and I think we should do really well in this first season. As for my role, I decline captaincy early on but will still chip in with some advice for the youngsters and even senior. Although, I'm expecting to bat number 3, the most important batting position in the team.

BBC Sport: Do you have a message for the opposition teams in PPCL?

Rizzy: Look, I'm not going to get into a war of words this early on, but let's put it this way, we're going cerebrally assassinate you all on the pitch, you won't know what happened, it's going to be that bad and humiliating.

Playboy TV: Rizzy, I know we shouldn't have made this public, but we feel it's going to attract good positive attention, but are you still planning on stripping at the PPCL opening ceremony as agreed with us?

Rizzy: That was supposed to be a surprise! You ruined it now!

Rizzy's Assistant: That's all the questions for now. Thanks.

Rizzy: Before I leave, I'd like to say a big thank you to Shayan who has aided me massively throughout the entire PPCL. I couldn't have done any of this without you. Thanks, I appreciate it.