Dating with Disabilitiesby Melissa Blake

Cuddling Couples and Guys that Like to Cuddle

Marie Claire blogger Rich Santos has been one of my favorite reads recently. He’s smart, witty and shares my quirky sense of humor (side note to the editors of MC reading this: I WILL be your coworker someday, so you've been warned).

Anyway, I’ve always appreciated Santos’s insights, oftentimes mixed with humor and real-life anecdotes – a man after my own heart on the whole honesty thing. So I’ve been reading his blog regularly. I figure it could at least give me some knowledge into how the male mind operates.

When he wrote about cuddling a few months ago, I’ll admit that I had to think twice about his sincerity, especially when he said he likes cuddling and kissing more than...sex:

“Cuddling is all about mood and ambience. It's peaceful to lie in someone's arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the tv (although that tends to distract me) in the background. It's nice to hear nothing but your lover's breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning. Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship."

In fact, I’ve always questioned men who are big fans of cuddling. Rich isn’t the first guy to raise my ulterior-motive red flag. A guy I recently met – someone who’s a very “man’s man” sort of guy – joined the Facebook group Falling Asleep While Cuddling. I admit, I had to raise my eyebrows at that one.

Frankly, I always thought the whole cuddling phenomenon was simply a means to an end for most guys; and I think we all know what that end is, so I’ll avoid the urge to spell it out for you. Seriously, how many times have we heard a guy say "Come on, honey, let's cuddle?" and that's what he literally meant.

Men, I'm not saying that you shouldn't like cuddling. It’s really sort of cute and romantic, actually. I’m also not saying you should pretend to like cuddling when you don’t, or when you have other things on your mind. Just don't hide behind a veil of emotions that aren’t 100 percent genuine. I'm a journalist, so I can see right through you when you're lying....and I'm not talking about lying on a bed here.

And think about this: What if a woman had written this piece? Do you think she'd be praised for her supposed emotional side? It bugs the heck out of me when a man is admired for his emotional side and a woman is labeled "too emotional," as if it's a bad thing.

But in the end, I’ll also admit Santos may have made me fall in love with him a little; remember my weak-in-the-knees fondness for a man who could woe me with words?

Santos goes on to say: "Falling asleep together is very romantic, and it's amazing to fall asleep in someone's arms."

Romantic indeed, isn’t it? Thank you, Rich, for potentially helping me to change my view and not being so hard on guys in the future who claim to love cuddling.

Yet all my future suitors should be warned; The next time a guy tells me he wants to cuddle, and I know he’s not thinking of that kind of cuddling? I'm going to send him a-packing.

Dating with Disabilities is published every Tuesday by Online
Dating Magazine columnist Melissa Blake. Melissa is a freelance writer and columnist. Her work has been featured in Redbook, Pregnancy magazine and the Chicago Tribune. She can be reached at mellow1422@aol.com..

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