9 Tips to Deal With Infidelity

There isn’t a right or wrong way to respond to cheating. It’s a painful and deeply personal experience, and only you can decide what’s best for you after the revelation of an affair.

But advice from people who’ve experienced the same kind of pain certainly can help. Below are comments from people on Facebook and Twitter who shared their best advice for dealing with an affair, many of whom drew from their own experiences.

1. “It took me a while to get past it but what helped me was to remind myself that their behavior is their choice.”

You don’t control them. It’s possible that they won’t be happy because they’ll always be looking for someone else when the problem is within them. You, on the other hand, can handle it and carry on.

2. “Let go of the anger.”

One commented that after she finally let it go, she thanked her ex and his affair partner for the doors that were suddenly opened to her. “I deserve the best and so do you, whether you know it or not.”

3. “Cry, scream, and have a fit. You’re gonna be angry, so just let it out. There’s nothing worse than when someone tells you to pull it together.”

4. Take time to think about your situation. Don’t react right away and make a decision you’ll regret later. You don’t have to make any decision right away. Once you’ve thought it through, make a plan of action — potentially an exit plan and get all your ducks in a row.

“The first time I forgave, but I had a plan in case it happened again. When it inevitably did, I knew exactly what I was going to do, where I was going to live, where my kids would go to school, my work and child support situation.”

5. Remember that it was their choice.

Despite anything that may have happened in the relationship, it was ultimately their choice that caused this. You are free from the burden of that choice so don’t carry any guilt. You don’t have to forget, you do have to forgive. It’s not easy, but you’ll thank yourself in the long run. The main thing to keep in mind is that they caused this, not you.

6. “Even if you don’t patch things up in the relationship, find forgiveness before it destroys you.”

7. “It can depend on whether the other person wants to work through things. Whatever you decide, I’d recommend you take on this perspective: Yesterday is history. You only have today.”

8. “As a therapist who specializes in affair recovery, my advice is to wait. You don’t have to make any decisions right away.”

9. Remember that their cheating is not a reflection on you. Their actions show how they really are. On the other hand, you can hold your head up high.

Like I said, there is no right or wrong way to handle the betrayal of cheating. What has worked for others might not work for you. You may have issues that others don’t know about that affect your decisions. DON’T let anyone make you feel bad about the choices you make because you have to live with that choice, they don’t. -C. Sky