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Sunday, 13 January 2013

When it comes to writing, for me there is no forcing it. I cannot make myself write if the muse isn't there. I can sit there with pen and paper in hand (I write completely long hand - me, computers and creativity just don't go together) staring at a blank page for hours and if the muse isn't there then nothing in the world can make me write.

So there are good writing days, and there are bad writing days. And then there are days like today. The completely amazing days.

Those are the days when my muse isn't just around - she's hovering over my shoulder, screaming in my ear.

It started at 1am, when I woke up with an idea already in my head. Stories come to me as movie trailer voice overs. 'So and so was an ordinary girl, until one day everything changed forever...' for example. And at 1am this morning I had a movie voice over playing in my head. It wasn't going to go away until I put it down on paper.

I spent the entire day thinking about the idea - fleshing out the plot and figuring out exactly what's going on.

Now, somehow, I just need to find the time to write the thing. All I can ask is that my muse doesn't desert me now. Not when I need her most.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

There are a few things I want to talk about – a few things
that I would love to share, and I feel that today is the day to do it.

Today is a day to say Happy New Year.

It might be a few days late – but then it’s probably taken
my brain a few days to recover enough to put words together properly, to find
the right things I want to say.

The whole New Year thing for me has always been a little
odd. Do I really want to celebrate yet another year of my life gone? I suppose
if I had had an eventful year I would want to celebrate those events.

There have been some good moments. My sister got pregnant.
This won’t be the first time I’m an Auntie, but considering that the first time
it happened I was two years old, at least this time I’m old enough to actually
understand what it means and get excited about it. So I am looking forward to
2013 bringing someone new into my family, a nephew for me to coo over and spoil
rotten.

But to be honest 2012 went by so quickly I’m not sure I even
know where the time went. It’s strange to think that when I first moved across
the world to this little Caribbean Island it was 2011 – it’s now 2013.

So am I sad to see 2012 go? Not really. It was a good year
for me, but it wasn’t a great year.

2013? Well –I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I’ve never been one to make New Year resolutions. I think
most of them are kept for about two weeks before they get forgotten – and why
make a promise to yourself that you’re not going to keep?

I know that I could swear to drink less – god knows my bank
balance and my liver would probably thank me for it – but it would only last until
the next big night out. And to be honest it won’t make me any happier –
healthier maybe, but that’s a different story.

I could swear to lose weight – but I make that promise ever
year. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. mostly I just torture myself when I
fail.

So this year I am making just one resolution. I’m going to
try harder.

At one thing in particular, but mostly just try harder in
life in general.

I turn 30 this year. I’m not as scared of that as I once was,
but it still feels like a big milestone. 30 years on this earth and as ashamed
as I am to admit it, I’ve never really tried hard to make my life better.

I’ve been lucky. I’ve had opportunities and chances and
experiences that most people would kill for. I have lived in half a dozen
different countries, I have met incredible, wonderful people, and I now live a
life that most people dream of. But most of that was lucky breaks. I had
wonderful parents who took the biggest risk of their lives about 28 years ago,
and gave me a childhood I will treasure forever. Without really trying I got
the grades to get into a brilliant University and met some incredibly special
people, one of whom continues to shape my life even today by helping me get to
the porch on the beach in the Caribbean where I’m writing this. I worked in one
of the most iconic places in the world, in a job I loved even when I eventually
decided it wasn’t really for me. And now I live on a small island that most
people would describe as paradise.

To be honest I have been one lucky, lucky (insert swearword
of choice).

But have I really tried and worked for any of it as hard as
I could? I don’t feel like I have. Sometimes it feels like the universe has
just dumped it all in my lap.

Now I want something more than I have ever wanted in my
life. And this time I am going to try to get it. I’m going to try my hardest. I
am going to put everything I have into achieving the one goal that really means
something to me right now.

Will I succeed? Who knows. But maybe all I can ask for is
that when I look back I will be able to say that I gave it my all. That I did
everything I could. After all, what more can I do?