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12 November 2013

Important News from Scotland

Never mind the question of Scottish Independence (Referendum to be held next year).

There are more pressing matters to consider, namely the fine old tradition of drunken Glaswegians placing traffic cones on the head of the Duke of Wellington statue in the centre of Glasgow.

Glasgow City Council has been considering the possibility of raising the height of the statue's plinth to deter the inebriated Scots from climbing up to adorn a 19th century hero with a 21st century hat.

Personally I think it is a rather fine adornment; the man looks very proud to be wearing it, and I feel that had such a hat existed in 1815 the French would have surrendered immediately they set eyes on it!

Incidentally, the world would also have been given not only the "Wellington Boot" but the "Wellington Hat" as well. It's quite possible that we would all be proudly wearing the Wellington Hat. (Naturally the Kensington & Chelsea set would be wearing a green version.)

According to the BBC the Council has decided to abandon its plans to raise the plinth in response to a "Save Wellington's Cone" campaign on Facebook. The Council were trying to save money by not having to remove the cone (we don't know if it's always the same cone) up to a hundred times a year. You have to agree it must be a bit of a bind having to get up there every three days or so to remove the man's hat.

Increasing the height of the statue would, I feel, have just increased the attractiveness of the challenge to get up there on a regular basis with replacement head gear.

My own solution would be for the Council to permanently attach the cone to the Duke's head and paint it grey. He would then look permanently magnificent, and drunken Glaswegians could diversify their activities into diverting traffic the wrong way up one-way streets using red and white Wellington boots.