All posts tagged ‘impulse control’

I live in a big city, but this wasn’t always so. I grew up far enough from the nearest metropolis that it was hardly worth heading into town without packing an overnight bag. My son lives with the opposite experience; we now pack our bags to trade streetlights for the moon.

Our campouts are constrained by my work schedule, and as much as we enjoy sleeping under the stars, rain can be a party-pooper. Which means whenever we’re able to head for the hills, we hit the ground running. There’s so much fun to be had in the wild open spaces of the world, and so little time! As a result, I tend to think of camping less as a vacation activity and more like an intensive study on the subject of life, the universe and everything.

Twinkle Toes by Kay Holt

Smart camping demands a certain skill set, and while the specific applications of those skills vary according to the environment you camp in, the basics are universal: Clean water, appropriate shelter, safe food, and first aid. Because our family is atheist and proudly LGBTQ, joining the Boy Scouts isn’t an option for my son. Fortunately, I actually lived outdoors — including sleeping, bathing and toileting — during parts of my childhood, so my camping skills are formidable. I can certainly teach my son the basics.

Igniting, fueling and extinguishing fire are rites of passage. To practice these with a mentor and later to perform them solo … is a big deal for kids. It demonstrates to themselves and to others that they have achieved a measure of independence, and also that they can be trusted with a measure of public responsibility. Other camping skills likewise signal that a person is grown and thoughtful enough to behave sensibly when left to their own devices.

Done right, camping teaches pro-social behavior; self-care and environmental stewardship are my favorites, but there are many others. It’s also a budget-friendly activity, and one that naturally lends itself to fond memories of shared adventures. To say nothing of the prime photo ops.

Years ago my two older kids, about seven and nine at the time, were getting ready to wash the floor. A neighbor girl knocked at the door asking to play. When my son told her he was going to wash the floor first she begged to be included. Although this girl had more monetary advantages than my children could have imagined (summer camp, private skating lessons, hundreds of TV channels) she was entranced. She’d never seen kids doing chores, let alone kids in charge of cleaning a floor. She pitched right in as they scooted furniture out of the way, then swept. I gave them a bucket of slightly soapy water and they went to work with rags, scooting across the wet floor on their knees like crabs, giggling as the floor got wetter and their scooting became sloshy sliding. Their method didn’t matter to me. I was holding the baby and diverting the toddler while peeling potatoes and finishing up a work-related call. I was pretty sure the floor would be somewhat cleaner when they were done. They dried it with towels, moved the furniture back with appropriate grunting and groaning, then slumped on the couch. They looked entirely relaxed, as people do when satisfied with a job well done. When I got off the phone I came in to thank them. They were admiring how the floor caught the light and cautioning our toddler to keep his sippy cup on the table.

After that day the neighbor girl asked if she could do chores every time she came over. It seemed funny at the time, but I think now that she recognized she’d been missing the sense of accomplishment and camaraderie found in working together.

The floors aren’t spotless in my house. The bathrooms are also far from perfect. But I’m totally at peace with this. That’s because my kids handle much of the cleaning around here. I’m happy to do the cooking (or more truthfully I have control issues about what goes into the food my family eats). And I don’t mind being the family laundry wench, although I enjoyed reading Geek Mom Alison Clark’s recent piece about her laundry-savvy 11-year-old son. But in the spirit of “we’re all in this together” I’ve expected my kids to handle a sizeable share of household (and farm) tasks ever since they were small. I still do.

Timing

Actually, starting young is the key. When toddlers beg to help fold laundry or wash the car with us it’s easier to send them off to play so we can get the job done ourselves. But this is exactly the time to foster a child’s natural helpfulness.