Researchers recently published a book-length article in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest on the scientific flaws of online dating. They wrote a layperson’s summary for Scientific American, but even that was three pages long (practically an eternity in internet time). So here’s what you need to know in a nutshell:

The ladies got a rough deal this week, what with never being taken outside to play as little girls, being left behind by the Right, being told they don’t care about contraception, and getting spit on yet again by Tucker Max and PETA. Fortunately, Charlize Theron got some aggression out (on tape) on behalf of all womankind:

We’ve long known that The One Who Got Away makes for great late-night Google fantasies. And that makes sense: you rifle through your memory bank after another bad breakup — or after another inane argument with your spouse — and wonder how life would have been different if you’d stayed with X. Because through your rose-tinted glasses, you forget about how your ex chewed with their mouth open and only remember the grand romantic gestures.

We both went to high school in New Jersey (just a few towns away from each other, it turns out). During those late 80s days, Lo fell in love and had sex within a loving, committed, romantic relationship. Meanwhile, Em remained a virgin and sometimes ate her lunch in the bathroom. We both ended up excelling in high school, engaging in many extra-curricular activities, and going to well-respected universities.