What happens in Vegas… needs to happen more often (finale).

You’re probably wondering why in part one and two of this series, I didn’t really talk much about how we spent our daylight hours. It pretty much consisted of this:

melt in sun

lounge in pool

sip from cocktail

melt in sun

lounge in pool

melt in sun

re-apply sunscreen and… repeat

Let’s face it- Vegas isn’t about the day. VEGAS IS NIGHT. The day exists merely to recuperate from the night before and prepare for the night to come.

Our third night was all about cramming as much fun as we possibly could in the hours we had left. We had gotten tickets to two different shows. And seeing as how I got my groove back the night before, I was ready to do the town proper.

The first show we saw was Le Reve at the Wynn. It was by far the most beautiful thing I have ever seen on stage. It’s was a water show, acrobat show, dance show, and circus show all in one. It took our breath away.

It also helped that Di Di sprang for the VIP tickets and we had the comfy chairs in the back, with our own bottle of champagne and server, chocolates, and video screen to see some backstage footage. It was so breathtaking that I felt like I was on drugs… not that I would know what that would feel like (If you knew me in college- shut up).

This is just the set.

When it was all said and done (and a full bottle of champagne later), our minds were blown, our pupils were sufficiently dilated, and we were ready to get a little naughty.

One, is the pretty kind that we mostly enjoyed at the Wynn and some fine dining establishments.

The other, is the kind you find at the Excalibur. Where the second you walk in the door, there are girls dancing on a wooden stage in front of a fast seafood joint, and patrons are stumbling into you wearing only one shoe. Even the bellhop who helped us to our taxi was missing two of his teeth.

Very different Vegas.

But they had the Australian Abs we were looking for, so there we were.

And honestly, once we found the showroom, and the music started- we didn’t give a rat’s ass where we were.

The audience was mostly bachelorette parties, and at first I did feel a little out of place and like a perverted old lady. But that only lasted a second or two. The rest of the time was spent with my jaw on the ground.

They don’t have a “no touch” policy.

They have a “please feel free to touch” policy.

Hot, sweaty men get on the table right in front of you.

They all could move their pelvis in ways I never thought possible.

The little hairs in my ears were permanently crinkled by the deafening, high pitch screams of over a hundred crazed women.

It was awesome.

Let me be clear here- these guys do not get completely naked. They get down to a g-string (and a few lucky ladies got to reach inside). There are NOT a dozen wieners flying around in every direction. Because honestly, that is not attractive, that’s silly.

But the abs…

oh my…

the abs.

This guy was one of my favorites.

And they did a firemen number.

And a cowboy number.

And a freakin’ pirate number.

The only thing missing was a sparkly vampire number, but I’m sure that’s just a matter of time.

Di Di and I threw our arms up in the air. We blushed. Then we squealed. Then we giggled.

Then we SCREAMED!

This trip had me come out of my tortoise shell, crack it beneath my high heels, and toss it in the dumpster.

I felt like a school girl.

I seriously don’t think it’s too much to ask to have Hot Nerd hop up on the dining room table every now and then, with his shirt off, and gyrate for a few minutes while I finish up the dishes.

Because at the end of that show, I felt exhilarated, I felt funny and charming, and yup- I felt horny.

And that seriously needs to happen more often.

We then proceeded to take our tipsy selves back to our hotel and lose the rest of our money in pure Vegas fashion.

Okay, I am going to Vegas in Oct for the first time ever (alas, on business), but I do plan to have some fun and for some reason I feel like I have to get my abs in shape, sheesh . . (oh well, have joined mixed martial arts, gym, taking step in right direction) . . but golly gee it looks like you ladies did it right – well done and gratz to yas.