Category: Geography

(I am out to eat with a friend, and we are waiting for our table. There is an older Spanish-speaking couple nearby also waiting, and two boys of about high-school age. I don’t speak Spanish, but I picked up a handful of words from an old job.)

Spanish-Speaking Woman:*asks me a question in Spanish*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I only know a few words in Spanish. What was that?”

Spanish-Speaking Woman:*smiles, and repeats herself*

(I realize she needs to know where the bathroom is.)

Me: “Oh! See the stairs? Go to the hallway next to the stairs; it’s right there.”

(She thanks me, and hurries off to the bathroom. The high school boys make faces at me, and chime in.)

Boy #1: “Damn, b****, why are you helping them? You should’ve made them ask in English first!”

Me: “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

Boy #2: “Hey! You show me and my friend some respect, old lady! Do you know who we are?”

Boy #1: “Oh, hell naw! You ain’t talkin’ to me like that! You show me some respect, right now!”

(He stamps his foot. My friend and I burst out laughing.)

Me: “Oh, this is going to be an entertaining evening.”

Boy #1: “You ain’t allowed to laugh at me; I’m a man!”

Me: “No, dear. What you are is a minor child throwing a temper tantrum because you happen to be a racist. Now, shoo, adults are talking.”

Boy #2: “Naw! All you gotta do is show them d*** immigrants who’s boss! They gotta speak our language if they want to be here! I went to Mexico and none of them f****** spoke English! Ain’t got no respect!”

Me: “You do realize that Mexico is a different country, don’t you?”

Boy #2: “Duh!”

Me: “And their official language is Spanish.”

Boy #2: “So?”

Me: “So… you think that people who move here should have to speak English because most people here do, in some form or another. But when you visit other countries, where official language is not English, they should have to learn to make your life easier?”

Boy #2: “Yes!”

Me: “I… have a headache.”

(The older Spanish-speaking couple are seated a few tables away from us. The teens are there to apply for jobs, but because they’d put on their little display in full view of the hostess, they were not-so-kindly shown the door.)

(I am originally from Georgia, but am attending university in DC. Because of where I was raised, I have a noticeable southern accent. I work at a local sports bar to help pay my tuition, and am serving two young men.)

Me: “Hi, can I get y’all something to drink?”

(Customer #1 scoffs, and imitates me with an exaggerated accent.)

Customer #1: “Yawwwwlll?”

Customer #2: “If I wanted to star in Deliverance, I would’ve gone to Alabama!”

Customer #1: “Man, I’m sick of you hicks coming up here! You guys should all stay south of the Mason-Dixon line!”

Me: “Actually, sir, geographically, DC is south of the Mason-Dixon.”

Customer #1: “What do you know? You probably dropped out of high school and married your baby mama at 16!”

Me: “Actually, I graduated as valedictorian from my high school, and I currently study history at [prestigious university]. I’m getting my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees at the same time, and have a 4.0 GPA. I’m also gay, and have a long term boyfriend. So, no, I didn’t marry my ‘baby mama’.”

(Both customers are speechless.)

Me: “Now that I’m done breaking your archaic stereotypes, can I get y’all anything to drink?”

(I work at a call center for charities where we call people to confirm their details and thank them for their donations. I have recently moved from South Africa and am still getting used to some of the pronunciations around the UK.)

Me: “Hello, this is Sarah calling on behalf of [charity]. I believe you spoke to John in Inverness on Saturday. Is that correct?”

(I’ve pronounced it ‘In-ver-niss’ as opposed to ‘In-ver-ness’.)

Man: “What?! How can you work in a f***ing call center and not even know how to pronounce the names?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’m not from England so I’m still getting used to all the names.”

Man: “How f***ing dare you! I am not from England! I am from Scotland, you dumb b****! They’re different places! How don’t you know that? Didn’t you go to school?!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I meant to say I’m new to the UK. Some of the names of places are still a bit tricky for me.”