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The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Chindogu Made in Japan

Whenever I do posts on strange gifts or other products for certain things and occasions, I’ll always find weird stuff from Japan. After all, this is a country known for its innovation, especially in fields you really can’t imagine or didn’t think were necessary. Not to mention, it’s a very crazy place. Since you’ll find plenty of outrageous stuff pertaining to this Asian island nation called “the land of the rising sun.” There are articles pertaining to its strange food combinations that would make you barf. There are some stuff on an annual phallus ceremony that you wouldn’t want to take your kids to. Sure, I’m positive every country has some degree of weirdness as I’ve talked about Russia’s playgrounds that seem straight our of horror movies to their clearly photo-shopped wedding photos. But Japan seems more associated with craziness than most countries since they’re quite wealthy, known for innovation and technology, and have some bonkers ideas on how to apply it. Not to mention, they have a penchant for cuteness and bright colors. Sometimes this can go well since the country doesn’t have a lot of landmass and densely populated cities. But sometimes it doesn’t. In fact, the Japanese have a word called Chindogou, which is the Japanese art of inventing gadgets that are seemingly useful but too absurd to use. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of crazy products from Japan.

When it pours, best to go out with an umbrella dome.

Now you don’t have to worry about coming in soaking wet again. Though you might receive a lot of attention from onlookers.

2. This Kenzan scalp massager will provide you with sweet relief.

Not sure if I’d want to put that on my head. Those spikes might just mess up my hair if I use it.

3. Take your produce with you in this Wondrous Bra.

Look, there’s no harm in making farming sexy. But I’m not sure if you can easily pull this off.

4. With this zebra crosswalk, you can stop traffic wherever you go.

Though I’m not sure if that’s even necessary. Besides, you can just look both ways to cross. Then again, this might be for city dwellers.

5. Now you can apply lip gloss with these toilet key chain dispensers.

Well, it might serve a practical purpose. But why would you want to get lip gloss from a toilet? That seems gross.

6. These training heels will ease your way to adult footwear.

So they’re just high heels with wheels. I don’t know about you. But I don’t see how walking in high heels is like riding a bike.

7. You will always stun with this Japanese makeup mask.

And by “stun” I mean turn men into granite a la Medusa style. Or receive compliments for your Stepford Wife Halloween costume.

8. Let your kitty relax in this cooling cat bowl.

From Trend Hunter: “The cooling pet product looks like any other bowl, but it’s equipped with refrigerant-like equipment that makes sitting in it far more refreshing than the average pet container. It’s designed to be extremely comfortable and with the recent heatwaves hitting Japan, it’s hardly a surprise that this cooling cat pot is already selling out fast.” Not sure if that’s even necessary.

9. Tone your boobs with this Breast Gymnastics Hand Massager.

Okay, this is kind of disturbing. Not sure if I’d want to use a grabby hand to massage my breasts.

10. These smartphone umbrellas will keep your iPhone dry at the beach.

Well, I guess this could be quite useful. After all, people use their smartphones all the time.

11. Don your fingers with these adorable hedgehog rings.

Hey, I told you about the Japanese obsession with cuteness. Though I’m sure to gag at the opossum ones since they’re ugly.

Yes, I know we all get wrinkles when we live past a certain age. But come on, an eye wrinkle gadget is just a rip off.

13. With this inflatable smartphone holder, you never need to set yours down for a bath.

Man, Japan is really cashing in people’s smartphone addictions. Yet, at least this one goes with a pillow. Though I’m not sure how many people take baths these days.

14. Exercise your lungs with these horns.

You know those horns from birthday parties. Well, Japan has a long one to exercise your lungs. So go ahead and blow your heart out.

15. Keep your skin fresh at to monster mash with these monster masks.

If I want a Halloween mask, I’ll just buy one at a party store. It’s cheaper. Not slather one on my face to keep out black heads and pimples.

16. Anyone could adore these hamburger monster lamps.

Turn it on in the dark, you can see its eyes and teeth. Not sure if it was tested to frighten babies.

17. Smell like a whopper with some Burger King perfume.

I don’t know if I’m like most women. But I don’t find the smell of cheeseburgers sexy. Quite the contrary.

18. Have hours of fun with this Tutti Bako finger game box.

From Incredible Things: “Each stage features something you interact with by poking it. Stick your finger in the box and a digital representation appears on the screen mimicking your motions. From what we can tell the various stages of the game include terrorizing a tiny stick man, poking a girl in the face and flicking a tiny panda.”

19. Nothing spells fun like Hex Bug Robot Cockroaches.

Available in an array of bright colors. Guess this was in an attempt to make these disgusting creatures cute. Not sure if it works.

20. Want to know what’s inside a horse or a fish? Get these Gotichi Dissection animal toys.

From Incredible Things: “The Gotochi Dissection animals display a diagram of the muscles and organs inside of a variety of animals including fish, pigs, cows and even a panda. All the parts are labeled, in Japanese of course. We suppose they could be used as tiny “cheat sheets” in Japanese biology classes, but we can’t figure out any other possible reasons to want one.”

21. Keep your kid’s soul in line with this God Jesus robot.

From Incredible Things: “Because literally everything in Japan is actually a robot… This strange all knowing Japanese toy debuted in the 80’s and answered your questions in a magic 8-ball style. God-Jesus robot only knows what the designers of this toy were thinking when they made it.”

22. Help your little one go to the bathroom with a Shimajiro Toilet Training Tiger.

From Incredible Things: “Maybe it’s us… maybe the way we approach potty training in the US is a bit conservative, but on the other hand Japan seems to have the weirdest approach we could possibly imagine, complete with animated poop and talking toilets. The Shimajiro videos feature an animated tiger struggling with potty training and his animated personified waste. The accompanying toy attaches to the toilet paper roll holder and yells out encouraging phrases while you go.”

So you can kick back and relax as this mask does the work. Still reminds me of something from a sci-fi movie.

24. Now men can slim their faces with this Germanium Kogao Sauna Mask to avoid plastic surgery.

You mean they have these Hannibal Lecter masks for men? Great for any beauty conscious psychopath with a penchant to serve man. And I don’t mean in the brotherly sense.

25. Your chests will change color when you wear these Frozen bras against each other.

Okay, this is just messed up. Frozen lingerie that changes color when people bump against each other? That’s crazy.

26. Now you can rest your eyes and head while traveling with this King Eye Pillow Mask.

Because when you travel, you got to have a pillow over your eyes. Though I normally don’t have one when I’m sleeping.

27. Make bath time fun with the Chat Tororin Bathing Toy.

From Neatorama: “Do you find yourself wishing you had someone to talk to while you bathe? Now your bath time can be blather time with the Chat Tororin Bathing Toy, a talking buddy for your tub.” Not I’d think that would enhance the bath time experience. But whatever.

28. Show your kids how to brush their teeth with this Jaws-Kun Puppet for Toothpaste Guidance.

From Neatorama: “Teaching kids how to properly brush their teeth is hard since we don’t have flip top heads, and that set of plastic choppers sitting on your dentist’s desk is downright creepy, so a puppet with a full set of teeth makes sense. But did the final product have to be so creep-tastically adorable? I don’t know if I want to brush its teeth or burn it with fire!”

From Digital Trends: “For those who have cat hair allergies, and don’t mind the cold dead stare of a machine, you’re in luck. The Yume Neko Venus Robotic Cat will give you the sensation of petting a tuft of moving, purring fur with none of the added benefits of owning a real cat whatsoever. No shots required.”

Though to be fair, most workplaces already use air conditioning. Though it’s great for wearing when you’re working outdoors.

33. Keep track of your kids with Docotch.

From Lifebuzz: “Docotch – a smart watch specifically for your kids to wear that lets you know where they are at all times along with what condition they may be in.” Whether you’re a free range or helicopter parent, this is for you.

34. Help your feet to a nice hot spring sauna bath with this wooden box.

You can take it anywhere where there’s an outlet. You can even use it near the bed or in the living room.

35. Everyone can use a hand rest now and then.

This is especially the case since the Japanese are known to take naps at work. Yet, this guy seems like he’s relaxing.

36. Finally, you can now print stuff from your iPhone.

I’m sure you didn’t know you need this. Still, you wonder why they don’t make these all the time. Oh, wait, this one only prints in black and white.

37. Keep quiet during shut eye with some snoring tape.

Yes, this is snoring tape which you put on your mouth. Not sure how that works.

38. Know when an earthquake’s coming with this home seismograph.

To be fair, Japan gets a lot of earthquakes, some of which are devastating. Still, if you live in California, this is for you. If I have the money, perhaps I might want to send some of these to my favorite celebrities.

39. With these glasses, you can capture HD camera photos.

So these glasses have tiny cameras on them. Wonder if spies use them or not.

40. Friend Zone tent is the perfect one for a couple who’s not quite willing to cross second base.

From PC Mag: “The Friend Zone Tent is billed as ‘the perfect outdoor accommodation for a couple who might not have reached that intimate stage yet.’ It is said to be super easy to put up and then take down, unlike the actual friend zone.”

41. See the words of your favorite song float with Lyrical Gangster.

From PC Mag: “You might know all the words by heart, but it’s still something to see them float by on the LCD of the Lyric Speaker. You have to be making rock-star money to afford it, though, since it’s $4,000.” Okay, seemed great while it lasted.

From PC Mag: “Did you know that in Japan people use special futon dryers to ward off mites? WHY DID NO ONE TELL US? How long have you had that futon? Throw it out! Buy a new one. And 1,000 futon dryers. Buy all the futon dryers.”

44. Turn the beat down with a silent karaoke machine.

From PC Mag: “Do you love to karaoke but don’t want anyone to hear you? Wait, what? With the Noiseless Karaoke Mute Mic 2, only you are subjected to your rendition of ‘Natural Woman.'” Still, isn’t the part about having everyone hear your rendition part of the point of karaoke?

Since why do you need to grate butter? It’s soft enough to use on bread for God’s sake.

46. If you’re not sure whether it’ll rain or not, take this tie umbrella.

For when you have to walk to the office and keep in mind about the weather. And yes, you can wear it around your neck.

47. Keep your eyes moist with these eye drop funnels.

That way, you won’t have to worry about missing your eyes again. And yes, it looks incredibly ridiculous.

48. If hearing aids can’t do the trick, try these hearing enhancers.

Because how else are you going to hear anything and look like a moron. Seriously, I don’t think anyone would want to be caught dead in these. Still, you can pick up satellite signals from space while phone reception is great, too. Though yelling would make your ears bleed.

49. Keep yourself dry with this rain-proof umbrella.

For those rainy days when you have a nice business suit that you don’t want to get wet. Because if rain isn’t what you need to worry about, it’s those pesky cars running through puddles.

It’s just a magnifying glass you hold to the sun to light your cigarette. So you can get all the goodness of a cardiac and respiratory diseases along with an early death.

60. Fall asleep on the subway? Use this public transportation helmet.

Contains a sign telling everyone when they should wake her up. So she doesn’t miss her stop. Includes suction cup for window.

61. If you’re a man and you’re too tired to pee standing up, this knee rest is right for you.

Whether you need to go on the toilet or the urinal, this rest will help you. Yet, they don’t have a similar one for women, I have no idea. Oh, wait, we pee sitting down.

62. With this splash protector, you won’t have to worry about food getting in your hair again.

You wear it around your face to keep your food from splashing. Guess this happens when you’re eating with chopsticks. Not sure about eating with a fork. Though a pony tail holder is just as handy.

63. Count down to the big day with this pre-wedding lingerie.

Not sure why anyone would need this. I mean it’s lingerie. It’s not like anyone would see it. Guess it goes with an Everlast chastity belt.

64. Wear this dress, you won’t need to worry about stranger rape.

Knowing that you’re more likely to be raped by someone you know, I don’t think this disguise will protect you from rape. But the vending machine get up is clever.

65. Why keep a shed when you can have a Swiss Gardening Tool.

Yes, it’s a Japanese invention. But it’s inspired by the Swiss Army knife with garden implements. So hence the name.

66. Cutting your toenails is a breeze with this device.

From Picuno: “How much time have you wasted clipping one toenail at a time? You’ll never get those minutes of your life back. But you don’t have to waste any more. Have you ever clipped your toenails too far and they hurt for like forever? That’s going to happen a lot more now. You may even lose some toe meat. It will be worth it though. You’ll be able to take one more cat nap with the minutes you’ll save over a lifetime.”

67. Wash while you walk with these shoes.

From Picuno: “Wish that your washing machine wasn’t so stationary? Now you can take your laundry on the go. All jokes aside, why on earth would you need this? We’ve all forgotten to do Sunday-night laundry. But what would be the point of washing on your way to work? And how would you dry them? We’re not even going to talk about the fact that there’s only room for underwear in there. These give a whole new meaning to the walk of shame.”

68. You don’t want to mess with these tacked gloves.

From Picuno: “It’s universally human. When we’re bored at work, we put our chins on our fists. This device will make sure you never do that again. If you forget, you’ll get a few friendly spikes to the face. That seems reasonable. We’re actually thinking of giving this to our employees. We’ll definitely make them mandatory. They’ll never doze off during our meetings again. And anyone who does will wear facial scars of shame.”

69. Now they have those denim jean shorts for men.

From Picuno: “We didn’t know there were never-nudes in Japan. This is great news. No one should have to resort to jorts in the shower.These blue jean underpants promise to chafe like the real thing. You don’t even have to butcher your favorite pair of jeans. Has any one told Dr. Funke about this? We think he’ll be excited. We’re going to wear ours while watching Arrested Development re-runs.”

70. Stretch out those wrinkles with this mouth exerciser.

From Picuno: “No, this is not a photo from a ransom note. It’s a mouth exerciser. It’s for those pesky wrinkles around your mouth. You just cram it in your gob and fight the urge to panic. And then you squeeze on the tube to tighten your…mouth muscles. Try not to think about the fact that you look like a blow-up doll. Laughing with this in your mouth can be dangerous. And you do not want to have to explain yourself to the EMTs.”

71. Want to sleep and make people think you’re awake, try these eyes.

From Picuno: “These are stickers for sleeping at work. On the bright side, your boss won’t think you’re asleep. On the other hand, he may think that you’re a dangerous sociopath. Could you imagine walking by this guy’s desk? “John? John?!” If John’s not careful, he’s going to wake up to a security detail at his desk. Or an EMT. These belong firmly in the bad idea box. Unless you’re going to use them at home. That’ll teach them to wake you up in the morning.”

72. Keep yourself warm with this huggable microwaveable pug.

From List 25: “The super umbrella may protect you from the rain but what are you going to do when it gets cold? Forget blankets, Japan has this adorable pug to heat you up. Stick in the microwave and Voila! Out comes a toasty hot dog.”

73. Don’t go to the bathroom without these toilet shoes.

From List 25: “Japanese are famous for their strict hygiene habits and sanitary precautions so it should come as no surprise they have something like toilet slippers which are used to minimize contact between the unclean toilet floor and the clean floor of rest of the house.”

74. Keep your ass clean with Washlets.

From List 25: “Washlets or, as many people tend to say, “crazy Japanese super toilets” are electric toilet seats with a water spray feature that cleans your bum hole and genitalia. While the Japanese are totally used to this zesty feeling, foreigners getting a shot of water up their butts are usually startled to say the least.”

75. This Barack Obama action figure came with his samurai store.

Man, I miss this guy as our President so much. Luckily he has a katana to slice the Cadet Bone Spurs one apart.

76. Look stylish and block out noise with these ear plug earrings.

From Web Urbanist: “Wearing these earrings might just serve as a warning to those around you that if they start to bore you with their irritating stories or demands that you file those TPS reports right away, you can block them out within seconds.”

77. Reach out for more food with this Extendo Spoon.

From Web Urbanist: “Here’s an invention that’s truly almost useful – can’t you imagine needing something like this when camping, for example? The spoon extends so you can reach the bottom of a tall jar.”

78. Like to wipe off food from your pants. Get napkin pants.

From Web Urbanist: “Since you’re too lazy to use a real napkin anyway, you might as well spare your pants the grease marks and get yourself a pair of classy Napkin Pants.”

79. Get a thumb on things with an Extra Nail.

From Web Urbanist: “You can almost hear an infomercial excitedly telling you that you’ll never break another nail. Need to peel an orange? Open a letter? Pierce someone’s jugular? Why carry around ice picks or letter openers when you can wear a Halloween prop?”

80. Keep your runny nose in check with Booger Keepers.

From Web Urbanist: “Perhaps this is the alternative to the Toilet Roll Hat: plugs for your nostrils.” Kind of resembles a couple of screws inside to me.

81. Keep your hands out of harm’s way with this handy chopper.

From Web Urbanist: “Don’t cut your own fingertips off when you could sacrifice someone else’s.” Let’s hope it’s not from a strangler or a serial killer.

82. Color Me Shave allows you to shave with any color of cream you want.

Though I’m not sure if a guy would want to shave with hot pink shaving cream. Seems more appropriate on women’s legs.

83. Bleach your asshole with Pinky Wink Butthole Bleach.

From Topick Craze: “Butthole bleach MyPinkWink – This product does not need any explanations. But ‘MyPinkWink’? Seriously, Japan?”

84. Cool yourself outside with a pair of air-conditioned pants.

The kind of pants worn by construction workers. Comes with an air-conditioned jacket.

85. Wear fan glasses so you won’t have to cry when cutting onions.

This pair has fans on it. Sure it might help you cut onions. But will make you seem ridiculous in the kitchen.

86. Save energy with this foot hairdryer.

Unfortunately, you probably won’t get your hair dried in time for work. So you’ll be wearing this thing on the street for onlookers to laugh at.

87. Record your baby’s sound with this womb monitor.

Look, I understand that parents want to record special moments in their kids’ lives. But this is a bit too soon so to speak.

88. Brush your teeth with this finger brush.

So how does brushing your teeth with your finger work exactly? Because I don’t get it.

89. Wake up to a pair of alarm earphones.

You can program it to vibrate whenever you want. Though you’d be hitting the snooze every 5 minutes when it does.

90. It always helps to have a pillow on you at all times.

Sure she might seem like she’s straight from your nightmares. But at least she’ll be comfy.

91. Know what you’ve burned when you need a cab with a Taxi Walker.

From Kick Vick which says it’s, “A device that not only tells you how many calories you burned at the end of your walk but also how much money your journey would have cost in a taxi.”

92. Keep your office supplies in one place in this tie.

That way, you’ll have everything on you. Literally. Still, might weigh you down.

93. This will collect all the rainwater you need.

Consists of a pipe, upside down umbrella, and a large water bottle. Now you can collect water as you walk.

94. Snap a picture in the rain with this camera umbrella.

Seems like the Japanese have an umbrella for everything. Even for cameras and iPhones.

95. Look far in the sun with these long-range sunglasses.

Comes with telescopes you can look through. And yes, people will think you’re crazy wearing these. But you can watch your neighbors in the shower and don’t have to worry about the sunlight blaring.

96. Keep your feet cool with these air-conditioned shoes.

With all these air-conditioned clothing stuff, you’d think the Japanese live in their outfits. Yet, this guy seems happy.

97. Don’t have room to sit on the subway or bus? Use this stool.

Well, you have to sit somewhere. And I can see where a stool like that comes in handy.

98. Guys, keep your money safe in your wallet tie.

That way, nobody will steal your wallet. But you’ll have to change it sometimes.

99. Work out a sweat in this water walker.

I’m sure this doesn’t come cheap. It’s basically a combination between a treadmill and a swimming pool.

100. Use your pee for these urine batteries.

Yes, these are a thing. And no, I’m not making this up. Because this wouldn’t be something I could come up with. And yes, it’s disgusting.