There was a very bright spark at school, call him Max. Last time I heard, he was installing satellite dishes for the BBC on top of the Baghdad Hilton, during the Iraq War.

Max didn’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer, like all the other boys in our class. So instead he got a job avoiding American cruise missiles.

I get it, Max didn’t want an “ordinary life”, and so he did a great job of not getting one. Great stuff. Very cool.

But… was it worth it?

For one thing, we are social primates, which means we’ve been hardwired to get our happiness and “real meaning" from boring ol’ timeless things like love, relationships, and children. It’s hard to read your kids a bedtime story, while you’re busy dying at 28,000 feet on Mount Everest or being eaten alive by crocodiles in Africa.

That being said, the last thing you want when you reach old age is to be haunted by regret, so while you’re young you might as well have a go, just like my friend Max.

As with everything else, it’s all about knowing yourself, and following the path you’re on for the right reasons.

Many FOGs (Friends of Gapingvoid) wrote enthusiastically about yesterday's Vorsprung Durch Technik subject, reminding us how Hegarty's ubiquitous slogan became part of British pop culture; featured in the song Zooropa by U2 and in an episode of Only Fools and Horses. Here's the clip for the Anglophiles out there!

Create custom recognition awards around ideas that matter to you and your organization.

There was a very bright spark at school, call him Max. Last time I heard, he was installing satellite dishes for the BBC on top of the Baghdad Hilton, during the Iraq War.

Max didn’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer, like all the other boys in our class. So instead he got a job avoiding American cruise missiles.

I get it, Max didn’t want an “ordinary life”, and so he did a great job of not getting one. Great stuff. Very cool.

But… was it worth it?

For one thing, we are social primates, which means we’ve been hardwired to get our happiness and “real meaning" from boring ol’ timeless things like love, relationships, and children. It’s hard to read your kids a bedtime story, while you’re busy dying at 28,000 feet on Mount Everest or being eaten alive by crocodiles in Africa.

That being said, the last thing you want when you reach old age is to be haunted by regret, so while you’re young you might as well have a go, just like my friend Max.

As with everything else, it’s all about knowing yourself, and following the path you’re on for the right reasons.

Many FOGs (Friends of Gapingvoid) wrote enthusiastically about yesterday's Vorsprung Durch Technik subject, reminding us how Hegarty's ubiquitous slogan became part of British pop culture; featured in the song Zooropa by U2 and in an episode of Only Fools and Horses. Here's the clip for the Anglophiles out there!

Create custom recognition awards around ideas that matter to you and your organization.

His big idea? To convince clients to spend less money on marketing, and spend it more on where it matters: Design.

“I want to show there’s an alternative to marketing, which is actually design,” says Engman. “And if you work with design and communications in the right way, that would be the best kind of marketing, without buying media.”

A design guy advocating design over other disciplines. No surprises there. Bully for him.

Though I think he’s making a common mistake. Engman seems to be framing marketing as this external thing, this appendage, that you add on only after the real work has been done… one that ideally you wouldn’t need at all if you had bothered to do your job properly in the first place.

But that’s not what marketing is. Marketing, like design, like business, is basically about solving problems. And you’re either solving real problems or you’re just futzing around.

Back in the 1980s, Audi UK had a problem. For some reason, a lot of Brits thought Audi, a German automaker, was Italian (known back then to be expensive and prone to break down a lot). So their ad agency, BBH was given the brief of letting people know Audi was in fact German (who had a much better reputation for quality and value).

BBH solved that problem with a thee-word tagline, which ran at the end of all their ads: “Vorsprung Durch Technik”.

What does “Vorsprung Durch Technik” mean? It doesn’t matter. What matters is it sounds like something a German car company would say. In German.

So the average man in the street was left in no doubt, without needing to be told what it meant in English. And by not telling him, by letting him figure it out on his own, it made him feel smarter. Which is good for the brand. Double win.

Yes, the clever team at BBH solved the problem, changing the perception of Audi forever, adding millions to the share price. But it was marketing’s job to figure out what the problem was in the first place.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

His big idea? To convince clients to spend less money on marketing, and spend it more on where it matters: Design.

“I want to show there’s an alternative to marketing, which is actually design,” says Engman. “And if you work with design and communications in the right way, that would be the best kind of marketing, without buying media.”

A design guy advocating design over other disciplines. No surprises there. Bully for him.

Though I think he’s making a common mistake. Engman seems to be framing marketing as this external thing, this appendage, that you add on only after the real work has been done… one that ideally you wouldn’t need at all if you had bothered to do your job properly in the first place.

But that’s not what marketing is. Marketing, like design, like business, is basically about solving problems. And you’re either solving real problems or you’re just futzing around.

Back in the 1980s, Audi UK had a problem. For some reason, a lot of Brits thought Audi, a German automaker, was Italian (known back then to be expensive and prone to break down a lot). So their ad agency, BBH was given the brief of letting people know Audi was in fact German (who had a much better reputation for quality and value).

BBH solved that problem with a thee-word tagline, which ran at the end of all their ads: “Vorsprung Durch Technik”.

What does “Vorsprung Durch Technik” mean? It doesn’t matter. What matters is it sounds like something a German car company would say. In German.

So the average man in the street was left in no doubt, without needing to be told what it meant in English. And by not telling him, by letting him figure it out on his own, it made him feel smarter. Which is good for the brand. Double win.

Yes, the clever team at BBH solved the problem, changing the perception of Audi forever, adding millions to the share price. But it was marketing’s job to figure out what the problem was in the first place.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

This is Marla Gottschalk's third post for Gapingvoid. Marla has years of experience as an I/O Psychologist and is an avid work-life blogger. Her love is organizational stability and creating cultures of psychological safety, where we can contribute to our highest potential. If your organization has completed a Gapingvoid baseline diagnostic, Marla has been the one behind it – exploring how we can help your organization evolve to express its values and meet its goals. We will soon be unveiling Marla’s take on the topic of Core Stability for both people & organizations, sharing some of her great thinking here. We encourage you to join the 2+ million people following her on Linkedin and Instagram.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” – Herman Hesse

Most of us are challenged to let go of things within our work lives. We bemoan the collaborations that didn’t prove fertile, the goal we might have missed — or the client that got away. We are taught in no uncertain terms, to “stick with things” and to “not give up“. Yet, I’ve seen this strategy backfire and cause a great deal of stress. As a coach, I’ve seen this unusual type of guilt affect all types of contributors, from those new to the workforce to seasoned CEOs and business owners. The unfulfilled elements set in the past get in the way of a fulfilling, more productive work life in the future.

Invariably, the elements that we value the most — that live at our core — cause us the most trouble.

Big, audacious goals are touted as a cornerstone of our work lives. (Some advice here, on how to set them wisely.) We are encouraged not only to set them but to live them with each and every breath we draw. I’m good with goals and we all need them. Yet, just like the battery that feeds our favorite device — goals have a “life span”. They reach a state, where they are no longer be viable or serve as a meaningful motivator. How this affects us is something we should pause and note.

People also cycle into our work lives. There are expectations attached to them as well — and not all of these might have been fulfilled. There may have been a mismatch, or we (or they) have changed or circumstances influenced the outcomes. Our time with them may have felt unproductive and frustrating, but inevitably, “it was what it was”.

All of this holding on requires energy and “headspace”. Yet, our attention cannot be infinitely divided. (Research has shown that our minds burn through 20% of our energy requirements though it represents only 2% of body mass.) In a sense, wasting that precious energy is squandering our own potential.

Sometimes we simply must move on — and let go.

How you would describe your own history in this regard? Do you find it easy to let go? Or are you challenged to do so? If you lean toward the stubborn and notably inflexible end of the continuum, the process can be arduous. However, all of this hanging on doesn’t serve us. It can bring a fog that clouds new opportunities and can fuel bitterness. Nevertheless, turning away and leaving these things behind can be challenging and bring a certain sadness.

Letting go of people and goals that define yesterday can be a good thing. We must challenge our mindset to allow us to do so.

Here are a few thoughts concerning what letting go is and isn’t:

Letting go of a goal isn’t a defeat.

It does not a signal failure on your part.

It may mean that the goal no longer serves you.

It may mean you have committed your best effort — and the outcomes/rewards weren’t there.

This is Marla Gottschalk's third post for Gapingvoid. Marla has years of experience as an I/O Psychologist and is an avid work-life blogger. Her love is organizational stability and creating cultures of psychological safety, where we can contribute to our highest potential. If your organization has completed a Gapingvoid baseline diagnostic, Marla has been the one behind it – exploring how we can help your organization evolve to express its values and meet its goals. We will soon be unveiling Marla’s take on the topic of Core Stability for both people & organizations, sharing some of her great thinking here. We encourage you to join the 2+ million people following her on Linkedin and Instagram.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” – Herman Hesse

Most of us are challenged to let go of things within our work lives. We bemoan the collaborations that didn’t prove fertile, the goal we might have missed — or the client that got away. We are taught in no uncertain terms, to “stick with things” and to “not give up“. Yet, I’ve seen this strategy backfire and cause a great deal of stress. As a coach, I’ve seen this unusual type of guilt affect all types of contributors, from those new to the workforce to seasoned CEOs and business owners. The unfulfilled elements set in the past get in the way of a fulfilling, more productive work life in the future.

Invariably, the elements that we value the most — that live at our core — cause us the most trouble.

Big, audacious goals are touted as a cornerstone of our work lives. (Some advice here, on how to set them wisely.) We are encouraged not only to set them but to live them with each and every breath we draw. I’m good with goals and we all need them. Yet, just like the battery that feeds our favorite device — goals have a “life span”. They reach a state, where they are no longer be viable or serve as a meaningful motivator. How this affects us is something we should pause and note.

People also cycle into our work lives. There are expectations attached to them as well — and not all of these might have been fulfilled. There may have been a mismatch, or we (or they) have changed or circumstances influenced the outcomes. Our time with them may have felt unproductive and frustrating, but inevitably, “it was what it was”.

All of this holding on requires energy and “headspace”. Yet, our attention cannot be infinitely divided. (Research has shown that our minds burn through 20% of our energy requirements though it represents only 2% of body mass.) In a sense, wasting that precious energy is squandering our own potential.

Sometimes we simply must move on — and let go.

How you would describe your own history in this regard? Do you find it easy to let go? Or are you challenged to do so? If you lean toward the stubborn and notably inflexible end of the continuum, the process can be arduous. However, all of this hanging on doesn’t serve us. It can bring a fog that clouds new opportunities and can fuel bitterness. Nevertheless, turning away and leaving these things behind can be challenging and bring a certain sadness.

Letting go of people and goals that define yesterday can be a good thing. We must challenge our mindset to allow us to do so.

Here are a few thoughts concerning what letting go is and isn’t:

Letting go of a goal isn’t a defeat.

It does not a signal failure on your part.

It may mean that the goal no longer serves you.

It may mean you have committed your best effort — and the outcomes/rewards weren’t there.

There’s a rather common belief that success is the precursor to virtue, not the other way around.

i.e. “We’ll be open and curious and generous and innovative and all those good things AFTER we make our first ten million. In the meantime, we’re just a bunch of hard-nosed hard-asses who don’t give a hoot.”

Whereas the more experiences you have, the more you realize that the reason so-and-so were successful was that they WERE “curious and generous and innovative and all those good things” to begin with, with the worldly success coming later.

So be it with cultural openness. The more of it you have, the more likely you’re going to try things your competition didn’t even think of. It is not, repeat not just a nice luxury appendage to have, once the real work has been done.

Think it over.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

There’s a rather common belief that success is the precursor to virtue, not the other way around.

i.e. “We’ll be open and curious and generous and innovative and all those good things AFTER we make our first ten million. In the meantime, we’re just a bunch of hard-nosed hard-asses who don’t give a hoot.”

Whereas the more experiences you have, the more you realize that the reason so-and-so were successful was that they WERE “curious and generous and innovative and all those good things” to begin with, with the worldly success coming later.

So be it with cultural openness. The more of it you have, the more likely you’re going to try things your competition didn’t even think of. It is not, repeat not just a nice luxury appendage to have, once the real work has been done.

Think it over.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

When we think of the world, we mostly think of “countries” being the basic unit of mass human organization. The French do it a certain way, as do the Germans, as do the Americans, and so on.

But this country-centric idea of nationhood is actually a pretty new idea, going back only to 1648 and the Peace of Westphalia when all the European crowns got together and made official the other countries’ right to exist.

Before then, the king just ruled over what territory he could command. Richard the Lion Heart was technically king of England, but he spent far more time in France and in the Holy Land. Before Westphalia, the idea that people had their own land, their own government, their own tongue, their own integrity, their own culture, their own nation wasn’t a thing.

And this is an idea that you can certainly bend. In the 1975 Science Fiction movie, Rollerball, wars weren’t fought between countries, but between corporations.

They figure that *big* companies like Google and Facebook affect them more than say, *small* countries like Thailand and Malawi (and are in fact richer and more powerful than many small countries). Quote:

“What has the biggest impact on daily society? A country in southern Europe, or in Southeast Asia, or Latin America, or would it be the big technology platforms?” Mr. Klynge said in an interview last month at a cafe in central Copenhagen during an annual meeting of Denmark’s diplomatic corps. “Our values, our institutions, democracy, human rights, in my view, are being challenged right now because of the emergence of new technologies.”

You could say the Peace of Westphalia and the idea of a “nation-state” is a modern idea that emerged at the beginning of the modern age.

As we leave the modern age and “Modernism” itself behind, this Danish thing is a very *postmodern* idea for an increasingly postmodern era. A taste of what’s to come.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

When we think of the world, we mostly think of “countries” being the basic unit of mass human organization. The French do it a certain way, as do the Germans, as do the Americans, and so on.

But this country-centric idea of nationhood is actually a pretty new idea, going back only to 1648 and the Peace of Westphalia when all the European crowns got together and made official the other countries’ right to exist.

Before then, the king just ruled over what territory he could command. Richard the Lion Heart was technically king of England, but he spent far more time in France and in the Holy Land. Before Westphalia, the idea that people had their own land, their own government, their own tongue, their own integrity, their own culture, their own nation wasn’t a thing.

And this is an idea that you can certainly bend. In the 1975 Science Fiction movie, Rollerball, wars weren’t fought between countries, but between corporations.

They figure that *big* companies like Google and Facebook affect them more than say, *small* countries like Thailand and Malawi (and are in fact richer and more powerful than many small countries). Quote:

“What has the biggest impact on daily society? A country in southern Europe, or in Southeast Asia, or Latin America, or would it be the big technology platforms?” Mr. Klynge said in an interview last month at a cafe in central Copenhagen during an annual meeting of Denmark’s diplomatic corps. “Our values, our institutions, democracy, human rights, in my view, are being challenged right now because of the emergence of new technologies.”

You could say the Peace of Westphalia and the idea of a “nation-state” is a modern idea that emerged at the beginning of the modern age.

As we leave the modern age and “Modernism” itself behind, this Danish thing is a very *postmodern* idea for an increasingly postmodern era. A taste of what’s to come.

We will soon be releasing our landmark study on what actually happens when CEOs deploy high-purpose culture management systems for personal gains.
Register below to receive a copy of the abstract when it's available. Thank you!

“Someone should coin a word for this trend for ultra privileged faux "goodness" brands. Things like Soul Cycle / the Assemblage/ Sweetgreen/ Dirty Lemon. The kind of super expensive, pretend purpose-driven, fake egalitarian quadrant on a Boston matrix made by cynical rich folk.”

Ah. So we apparently we have a lot of rich folk spending their money on indulgences.

Note the word, “indulgences”. Nowadays we mean that to be a wee treat, a wee flutter, a little bit of harmless sinning to offset all the virtuous stuff we do the rest of the week.

But its original meaning stems from the Middle Ages, as large bribes rich people gave the priesthood, in order to carry God’s favor.

Married your cousin? Killed your brother and stole his crown? Betrayed your friend in order to get your nephew a job with the bishop instead of him? Burned a city to the ground instead of paying back the citizens the money you owe them? No problem. Just pay the Cardinal a visit, make your confession and write a check. Your sins are forgiven. Bada Bing!

Sounds a bit dodgy, a bit hypocritical, right? But that’s how the government (i.e. the Church) made most of its money back then. That, and the sale of (mostly equally dodgy) holy relics.

As faith in our old institutions (government, church, community, commerce, the university, etc) dissipate, we reach out for new certainties, or at least, new pleasures.

i.e. in the absence of old gods, to fill the void we pamper ourselves. And at the same time, we keep our consciences clear by giving it a spiritual dimension (hence all the Zen, Hindu and New Age borrowing that the luxury brands seems so fond of).

Regardless of what religion you have (or don’t have), regardless of how secular our societies become, our lives are greatly driven and informed by our spiritual longings.

We may not get the answers we want, there may even be no answers to be had, regardless, the human condition doesn’t change.

Does it create lots of opportunities for scammers and charlatans? Of course. But it also creates a lot of opportunities for good people to do good works. The choice, as always, is ours.

A while ago we posted about Microsoft's IDC 20th anniversary celebration. The challenge was to morph the event into a celebration around purpose and connection to the future.

By visualizing the celebration with a Culture Wall™ MS was able to continue the narrative about the core beliefs, mindsets, and values they celebrate together. We used the images in an engaging, energetic, ebook and told the story of celebration; and of what the future might hold. It helped people imagine where they are going together.

One of the great insights we have gleaned over the years is the idea that what aligned culture does, is reduce complexity. If everyone is on the same page if we all know where we are going, and if we agree to how we are doing it, then everything happens with greater agility and adaptability. Resiliency is baked in. Amazing outcomes are facilitated.

We're honored that IDC asked us to help them celebrate. The above photo is from their facilities in Hyderabad.

“Someone should coin a word for this trend for ultra privileged faux "goodness" brands. Things like Soul Cycle / the Assemblage/ Sweetgreen/ Dirty Lemon. The kind of super expensive, pretend purpose-driven, fake egalitarian quadrant on a Boston matrix made by cynical rich folk.”

Ah. So we apparently we have a lot of rich folk spending their money on indulgences.

Note the word, “indulgences”. Nowadays we mean that to be a wee treat, a wee flutter, a little bit of harmless sinning to offset all the virtuous stuff we do the rest of the week.

But its original meaning stems from the Middle Ages, as large bribes rich people gave the priesthood, in order to carry God’s favor.

Married your cousin? Killed your brother and stole his crown? Betrayed your friend in order to get your nephew a job with the bishop instead of him? Burned a city to the ground instead of paying back the citizens the money you owe them? No problem. Just pay the Cardinal a visit, make your confession and write a check. Your sins are forgiven. Bada Bing!

Sounds a bit dodgy, a bit hypocritical, right? But that’s how the government (i.e. the Church) made most of its money back then. That, and the sale of (mostly equally dodgy) holy relics.

As faith in our old institutions (government, church, community, commerce, the university, etc) dissipate, we reach out for new certainties, or at least, new pleasures.

i.e. in the absence of old gods, to fill the void we pamper ourselves. And at the same time, we keep our consciences clear by giving it a spiritual dimension (hence all the Zen, Hindu and New Age borrowing that the luxury brands seems so fond of).

Regardless of what religion you have (or don’t have), regardless of how secular our societies become, our lives are greatly driven and informed by our spiritual longings.

We may not get the answers we want, there may even be no answers to be had, regardless, the human condition doesn’t change.

Does it create lots of opportunities for scammers and charlatans? Of course. But it also creates a lot of opportunities for good people to do good works. The choice, as always, is ours.

A while ago we posted about Microsoft's IDC 20th anniversary celebration. The challenge was to morph the event into a celebration around purpose and connection to the future.

By visualizing the celebration with a Culture Wall™ MS was able to continue the narrative about the core beliefs, mindsets, and values they celebrate together. We used the images in an engaging, energetic, ebook and told the story of celebration; and of what the future might hold. It helped people imagine where they are going together.

One of the great insights we have gleaned over the years is the idea that what aligned culture does, is reduce complexity. If everyone is on the same page if we all know where we are going, and if we agree to how we are doing it, then everything happens with greater agility and adaptability. Resiliency is baked in. Amazing outcomes are facilitated.

We're honored that IDC asked us to help them celebrate. The above photo is from their facilities in Hyderabad.

Here’s the thing. The technology you use (and Microsoft’s technology will be world-class and cutting edge) will only be as good as the people, the culture that it’s built on.

As in, having the greatest telephone in the world won’t help you much, if you have nothing of interest to say to the people on the end of the line.

We’ve been working with Microsoft since 2006, back before they started killing it in the Cloud Services space, during the interim “Vista” days between the 1.0 “Desktop” era under Bill Gates and the current 2.0 “Cloud” era under Satya Nadella. This was when Steve Ballmer was still CEO, and the smart money was ruling them out.

Back then we noticed a strange thing: that in spite of the fact that they were no longer the cool kids, that their products were falling slightly behind the curve, the employees we knew there had this incredible faith in their company, in spite of what everyone else was saying.

And what was this faith based on? Basically, it was the faith in their people, their faith in each other.

A while ago we posted about Microsoft's IDC 20th anniversary celebration. The challenge was to morph the event into a celebration around purpose and connection to the future.

By visualizing the celebration with a Culture Wall™ MS was able to continue the narrative about the core beliefs, mindsets, and values they celebrate together. We used the images in an engaging, energetic, ebook and told the story of celebration; and of what the future might hold. It helped people imagine where they are going together.

One of the great insights we have gleaned over the years is the idea that what aligned culture does, is reduce complexity. If everyone is on the same page if we all know where we are going, and if we agree to how we are doing it, then everything happens with greater agility and adaptability. Resiliency is baked in. Amazing outcomes are facilitated.

We're honored that IDC asked us to help them celebrate. The above photo is from their facilities in Hyderabad.

Here’s the thing. The technology you use (and Microsoft’s technology will be world-class and cutting edge) will only be as good as the people, the culture that it’s built on.

As in, having the greatest telephone in the world won’t help you much, if you have nothing of interest to say to the people on the end of the line.

We’ve been working with Microsoft since 2006, back before they started killing it in the Cloud Services space, during the interim “Vista” days between the 1.0 “Desktop” era under Bill Gates and the current 2.0 “Cloud” era under Satya Nadella. This was when Steve Ballmer was still CEO, and the smart money was ruling them out.

Back then we noticed a strange thing: that in spite of the fact that they were no longer the cool kids, that their products were falling slightly behind the curve, the employees we knew there had this incredible faith in their company, in spite of what everyone else was saying.

And what was this faith based on? Basically, it was the faith in their people, their faith in each other.

A while ago we posted about Microsoft's IDC 20th anniversary celebration. The challenge was to morph the event into a celebration around purpose and connection to the future.

By visualizing the celebration with a Culture Wall™ MS was able to continue the narrative about the core beliefs, mindsets, and values they celebrate together. We used the images in an engaging, energetic, ebook and told the story of celebration; and of what the future might hold. It helped people imagine where they are going together.

One of the great insights we have gleaned over the years is the idea that what aligned culture does, is reduce complexity. If everyone is on the same page if we all know where we are going, and if we agree to how we are doing it, then everything happens with greater agility and adaptability. Resiliency is baked in. Amazing outcomes are facilitated.

We're honored that IDC asked us to help them celebrate. The above photo is from their facilities in Hyderabad.

]]>Thu, 05 Sep 2019 22:30:00 +0000https://mailchi.mp/gapingvoid/how-to-thrive-in-love-and-in-work-jennifer-petriglieri
https://mailchi.mp/gapingvoid/how-to-thrive-in-love-and-in-work-jennifer-petriglieriHow to thrive in love and in work - by Jennifer Petriglieri

According to Sigmund Freud, love and work are the cornerstones of our humanity.

Too often, however, those cornerstones shift shape and are ill-fitting. One feels too much, the other not enough. As a result, the whole edifice of our life feels out of balance.

Because it is not enough to find love and work to thrive. We must learn to love our work and work our love, too. This is how.

First, stop treating love and work as two separate domains. They are inseparable. When we are happy in love, we are often happy at work. When work stresses us out, our love suffers.

Second, get past the logistics. Thriving in love and work takes much more than agreeing on how to divide the housework. Devote time to conversations about your hopes and fears, the roles you expect each other to play in your shared life, and what success means to you.

Third, invest in each other’s fulfillment. Couples who thrive approach their work and personal choices as opportunities that benefit both partners. They take pride in imagining each other as the best version of themselves and in helping each other become that person.

Most career guides assume you can just pack up and follow your own dreams, no strings attached. My new book, Couples That Work, honors your dreams, and your strings too. Because dreams propel us, and strings hold us together when we risk breaking apart.

Jennifer Petriglieri is an Associate Professor of Organisational Behaviour at INSEAD, and the author of Couples That Work, a forthcoming book on how dual-career couples can thrive in love and in work. Her award-winning research and teaching focus on identity, leadership, and career development. At INSEAD she directs the Management Acceleration Programme and the Women Leaders Programme. She has been shortlisted for the Thinkers50 New Thinker and Talent awards and named one of the world’s best 40 business school professors under 40 by Poets & Quants.