EM: My child, your life is a spiritual void. Have you considered converting to a more fulfilling faith - one that is greatly misunderstood - and one that is known for its tolerence and peaceful approach to all life's foibles?

LV: That's a good idea Your Excellency. Things have been a bit shite lately and I could do with a bit of a spiritual uplift. I mean, what possibly could go wrong?

EM: And you might want to consider cutting your cock off too, cause that'll go down a storm in the mosque! Bwuh etc.

At least if its turning muslim after turning his sausage inside out we can hope that his lego head is hidden and we won't have to look at a chap who looks like he's eated his way through his mums lipstick draw.

Why do they refer to the TA as Squaddies........ Has it not got a full time job? I play with my testes longer each week than a member of the TA gives to Her Majesty on a tuesday night, maybe I should change my business cards to 'wanker'