Life. Liberty. Pursuit of Our Next Beer.

The Bachelorette Review and First Power Rankings

This is a big week in The Bachelorette and for my weekly Bachelorette round ups. The first reason being that we are posting the round up on our new site Water Cooler Sports so that’s very exciting. We launched last weekend and so far it’s been a very underwhelming big success!

Secondly and most importantly, this is the first week of the Power Rankings. It’s like when college football finally comes out with their first playoff rankings. Now truly, I like to try and get these first power rankings out when there’s 10 or 12 guys left. Already we are at the Elite 8 – which don’t get me wrong is fine and all, but I guess I caught all caught up in the Chad saga and Evan being the biggest loser of all time that I just kind got lost. But rest assured, the Power Rankings are here and they are here to stay (for the next couple of episodes).

So for you newbies, here’s how the Power Rankings go: First off I rank the men based on who I think JoJo will pick. Then I will rank them based on who I think will be the next Bachelor and finally I rank my personal favorites – which this season is pretty slim pickins. It’s kind of like when the baseball playoffs hit and the Yankees, Orioles, Cardinals and Dodgers are all in it. I don’t like any team, but what’s the lesser evil? Maybe I feel this way because I, like JoJo’s brothers am just so protective of her. All I know is that in a couple weeks during JoJo’s hometown, the Brothers Grim are going to have a fucking field day with this crop of guys. Alright let’s hit the power rankings:

POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL WIN:

Jordan Rodgers – I think he’s the clear favorite right now. By all accounts JoJo appears to want to love him the most. There’s some definite lust there and I think a lot of the “Is Jordan Rodgers there for the right reasons or is he just a fame whore” is all hearsay trying to drag the good Rodgers name through the mud. If he makes it to hometowns, an appearance by Aaron could clinch it. I feel like he’s one big win away from running away with it.

Luke – Luke seems like a nice enough guy and he finally showed some personality around the guys at least. He just seems way too somber around JoJo. He’s like the Memphis Grizzlies from a couple years ago when everyone kept saying that they were “one piece away.” I feel like Luke is “one piece away” from being a true contender.

Derek – I got something to say about Derek. It was absolutely horseshit that he was getting shit on by the Mean Girls (Alex, Jordan Rodgers, Chase and Gay Robby) for confronting them about basically spreading rumors about him. Little Alex just kept saying “bro you’re so insecure, bro” but how is Derek taking on this four headed monster even REMOTELY insecure? I know the qualm was about him needing the reassurance with the rose, but have you ever seen the goddamn show, Little Alex? That’s how it works sometimes. Then those idiots kept complaining that Derek was taking time away from JoJo when she WASN’T EVEN FUCKING THERE YET. Derek, I don’t think you look like Jim Halpert at all, but I got your back.

James Taylor – I see him just kind of lurking. He’s been pretty quiet the last couple weeks after his bloody eye and infection, but tonight is going to be huge for him. He has to go into the Rose Ceremony with a rose tonight. Right now I see James Taylor as a bubble team going into his conference championship game. If he wins the conference championship, I think he’ll make some noise in the big dance (make it to hometowns and possibly beyond) because everyone will be reminded that he’s just this big ol’ nice country boy, but if he doesn’t win the championship (aka go into the Rose Ceremony with a rose), he’s going to have some trouble.

Chase – I cannot get a damn read on Chase. At first I liked the guy, now I think he’s kind of a dick. I think he’s got a better chance than the bottom three, but like James Taylor needs a big win tonight. I also feel like Chase has been handed a lot of things in life. Not sure why I feel this way, but I do.

Wells – Basically I just like Wells better than the bottom two here. Wells got on the radar early in the season when he almost died during the firefighter competition, but since then he’s been pretty quiet with JoJo and even thought he was going to get axed last week. I’m not counting him completely out yet, but he, like so many needs to come up big tonight.

Little Alex – I fucking knew that once Chad left, Little Alex was going to be a prick. Little Alex has Napoleon Complex like you read about. According to Little Alex, nobody is there for the right reasons because they’re insecure, a fame whore, a loser, or whatever dumbass reason he comes up with. He is not Chad. Everything he says is not true and that’s why his villain-esq qualities are not as endearing as that of Chad’s.

Robby – I may be way off because according to Robby, he and JoJo have the best connection in the house, but Robby is gay right? I roomed with some swimmers in college and yes, they’re a little different, but Robby I think has to be gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

POWER RANKINGS OF WHO WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELOR

Luke

Derek

Jordan Rodgers

Chase

James Taylor

Wells

Alex

Robby

POWER RANKINGS OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES

James Taylor

Wells

Luke

Derek

Jordan Rodgers

Chase

Robby

Little Alex

Alright so there’s this week’s Power Rankings. No pictures again because there is still no room on my phone and I am using an old, old computer that is incapable of screen shotting, BUT the good news is that my new laptop should be in this week and thus there will be pictures again.

Also keep an eye out for a Bachelor/ette podcast coming up. We are in talks, though not sure if it we will start it up this season, or maybe start it for Bachelor in Paradise.