Episode Summary

Veridian sends out a memo to the employees about inappropriate behavior, but a typo demands that they now use offensive language. Ted tries to convince Veronica to resolve the issue, but it comes a little too late as the insults are already underway. When she realizes the power of a memo typo, Veronica wonders if her promotion memo was intended for W. Palmer. Meanwhile, Linda tells Ted to loosen up, and Lem helps Phil to insult people.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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TRIVIA (1)

QUOTES (19)

Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.

Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.

Janet: The company doesn't make mistakes.Ted: What about that memo announcing "Casual Fribsday"?Janet: The company said that wasn't a mistake. They explained that the ancient Mayans prophesied Fribsday--the first ever eighth day of the week which will occur in 2024. Which the company believes should be celebrated casually. I'm going to wear a denim pantsuit.Ted: And when they urged all employees to "carpoop"?Janet: That wasn't mandatory. Thank God.Ted: Although we did find out what people would do to park slightly closer to the building.

Veronica: Here, I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.Walter: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they do.

Phil: We really should have been reading these memos.Lem: Damn! We didn't have to work on Thanksgiving!Phil: And look! Like I suspected, we were supposed to be wearing lead aprons when we were working on that genital x-ray project.

Phil: I'm terrible at insults. As a child, I was beaten up constantly. The best comeback I ever came up with was, "You're right. I'll work on that."Lem: I can help you, you sad jar of hobo urine.Phil: Pow! I've been Lem-basted.

Veronica: So I let him kiss me.Linda: Oh, my God!Veronica: But then I still felt guilty, so I let him feel me up.Linda: Oh, my...Veronica: I think I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter ever.

Linda: So not being controlling lasted for about one second?Ted: I'm sorry. The naggity-nag-nag bitchy-bitch is right. Anything anyone wants to say is fine with me.Linda: You heard the corporate chimp. Start making suggestions for meals-ready-to-eat before his head goes back up his butt.

Phil: Give a man an insult, he can hurt people for a day. Teach a man to insult, he can hurt people who tease him because he never learned to fish. Anyway, I've devised a formula.Lem: Look at that. You had a problem in your life and who stepped up to help you? Math. She has always been there for you, hasn't she, Phil?Phil: If she ever took physical form, I'd leave my wife and marry her.Lem: Stand in line, my friend.Phil: Anyway, it's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia--male, female, or animal--and end with the suffix "-bag," "-wipe", or "-muncher."Lem: You could also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body.

Veronica: In fact, we need to talk about us. And the future of our babies and how they'll be committed.Walter: Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay.Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That's right--big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cordwood.Walter: Really?Veronica: Yes, sir. That's all I ever think about--the future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment.

Phil: Your eyes look like two beady rabbit pellets on the face of a monkey-licking pus-bomb.Lem: You've just been Phil-abusted.Phil: Nice!Lem: That's it--fill up your canker-blossomed hole, you ale-soused apple-john. That was the Elizabethan model.Phil: Ye have been served.

Janet: Well, if we call it a groundswell, I think the company would go for it. That way it gets to pat itself on the back for listening and being a great communicationer.Ted: You mean "communicator."Janet: That's not what it says in the handbook.

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