‘Take your crying kid outside’

I glanced over the clothing rack and saw a lil’ guy in the front seat of the cart, his face all red and scrunched up — and as usual, I thought, awww…pumpkin! Then, he kept crying, and crying…and crying. And, the mom seemed totally oblivious to it.

The little boy, who looked to be about 2 or 3ish, was having a fit so large, he was gasping for breath and just about choking on his tears. It was uncomfortable to see, actually. Some people started looking over, then walked away shaking their heads. I noticed people grumbling and leaning in to whisper to one another while keeping their eye on the mom…who couldn’t have been any less interested in her child’s blood-curdling screams.

Then, I heard an older woman say to her shopping buddy, “Someone should ask her to step outside of the store…people are trying to shop. I can’t even hear myself think!” Her friend replied, in a lower voice, “I wonder if I could ask someone who works here…”

And my eyes almost fell right out of my head. Asking an employee to approach the mother and invite her to take her screaming child outside?! That is ballsy. It’d be even more ballsy if the employee actually did it.

Alas, woman #2 thought better of it, and the two continued shopping, tsk-tsking to themselves now and then.

As I left the store, I thought about three things:

Was the mom just being completely ignorant by not trying to soothe her child and/or step outside of the store?

Is being a mom with a crying kid in public so totally stressful that it sends you into survival mode — meaning, you ignore the tantrum in order to get your shopping done because you’d otherwise never get it done?

Is it appropriate to ask an employee to ask a parent with a screaming child to exit the store until the tantrum is over?

I’m pretty big on manners, especially in public. I know kids are kids — and they cry, throw tantrums — and I’ll admit, it does bother me in certain situations when parents do nothing at all about it. But, I’m not sure I’d ever have the guts to get between a mother and her cub.

94 Responses

When my kids were real little, I planned my shopping trips when their father – my husband – was home. I know I was spoiled (or blessed.) But from the kids point of view – it is not fair to expect them to act like anything but little kids – with short attention spans. They are little for such a short time. Don’t rush them. Don’t force them to behave – when clearly they have run out of fun. Nobody wins then.

Well, you mention a clothing rack (Marshalls?), so any shopping the mom had to do was not essential in my mind (groceries, pharmacy). In that case, she should get the heck out of there with her tantrum-thrower. I have been so embarrased the few times it has happened to me, there;s no way I would subject strangers to that kind of tantrum if I had a choice.

Wow, hard one. Kind of disturbing that the Mom was not trying to soothe the child. Of course we don’t know if there were other extenuating circumstances, such as autism or some type of behavioral problem, so this may be a daily occurance for the Mom with little outside support, just trying to get through this as best she can.

I’ll try not to judge the Mom without walking in her shoes. I know as a Dad I’ve made my share of mistakes and kids can be hard to deal with sometimes in the best of circumstances.

A store that asks a mom to leave because their kids are crying would be suicidal due to the bad press it would get. Every lawyer would be lining up to represent the mom to sue the store for something. Kids cry. You cried as a kid (and adult women cry ALL the time!). Deal with it.

Why not approach the mother yourself? No way an employee should do it. And isn’t having a behavioral problem the same as being a spoiled brat that should’ve been spanked? This mother seems like she’s realized that it’s easier to let the kid scream it out, than deal with the problem. Probably even learned to tune it out. Neither of them should be allowed out in public. I definitely got smacked in the back of the head by my older brothers when I acted up in public. Someone should do the same to both of them.

I would NEVER, EVER approach a mother & try to to advise a situation, unless that child was in danger or in harm’s way. Kids cry, babies cry, it happens. I could imagine far worse things to witness then a toddler throwing a tantrum in public.

I think parents do need to be a little more considerate in general and more mindful of how their children’s behavior may be affecting others. BUT, I certainly wouldn’t say anything to a mom (or dad) let alone a store I was shopping in about a crying child “disturbing” me. Kids cry, sometimes a lot. They are also very smart, even at a young age. I think sometimes a mother or father is forced to ignore a certain tantrum. I guess I trust that they know their kids better than I do, so who am I to say when they should soothe their child or try and teach them a lesson. That being said, if I had a child that was continuing to cry and wouldn’t stop, I’d unfortunately probably abort the shopping mission and try another day.

I have this problem alot in Target and there is a cashier who comments every time on my screaming kid. My child is pretty well behave UNTIL he sees some eye catching toy in the middle of some random isle and I refuse to buy it. I avoid the toy section at all costs so if they insist on putting “bait” items in other areas of the store it’s their problem. They think they’re being clever but it makes me leave the store alot sooner therefore not purchasing as much.

As for the snippy cashier, I tell her every week “I’m not spending more money to keep my kid quiet so I guess it’s your problem.” Now I make a point of getting in her line when I see her.

I think of myself as a lucky mom… my child wasn’t the type of child who cried a lot, he was a more laid back, calm child. I can recall maybe two or three times only when he lost his temper. There are differences, and I feel so bad for the moms who have to deal with the “criers”, or tantrum throwers”. In those cases, there really isn’t much a mom can do except let the child cry it out. In this age where you aren’t allowed to spank a child (unlike when I was growing up), there is very little a person can do with children like that. My rule of thumb as a mom is that if it is obvious the child only wants a hug or reassurance from you, then always give it. If they are angry because you don’t want them to have a toy that is in the toy aisle, then ignore the tantrum.

I’m of the opinion of “leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone”.
In this situation, I would leave the store to get away from the screaming child.

Surely the mother could have picked up the baby and flipped through the clothes?

I wouldn’t say anything because it’s either;
1. A tantrum that is embarassing her and she’s trying to get done quickly and saying something would just add to her embarassment and stress
2. She’s totally tuned the baby out and couldn’t care less who she’s bothering so saying something will be useless or will incite her to vent on you.

ya know what – it was a toddler! That’s what they do (well, most of them). My first thought was the kid was having a meltdown and instead of mommy catering to him, trying to bribe him, she did what you’re suppose to do – ignore him! Once they get the message you’re not giving in to their tantrum, they get tired of hearing themselves squawk and nine out of ten times stop. After 15/20 mins., if he didn’t stop, then maybe she could have tried a different approach. If the crying bugs you that much, walk to the other side of the store for cripes sake!

As a parent of a 4 year old, I totally sympathize with the parents of a child throwing a tantrum. I have been there myself and it is not fun, for the parent or the child. The last thing that mom needed was some stranger or employee telling her what to do or to leave the store. Who knows why her kid was crying- tired? hungry? or mad that he/she wasn’t getting their way? When my son threw a tantrum at Colonie Center because he wanted a toy that I wasn’t going to buy him, we immediatly left. But that’s just me. Every mom handles their kids differently.

Nothing is that important that a child should be crying and in that much of an emotional melt down but we don’t know the circumstances so we cannot judge. Perhaps mom just picked the toddler up after work,or they came from the doctor’s office,etc. Trust me,mom knew how disturbing that child was! I have been there once or twice and I just kept on and the child realized that they were not getting any attention so they ceased the tantrum but,BUT I also have left a store or two when it just wasn’t worth waiting the crying out for me or the other customers. In no circumstance would I have approached another parent nor appreciated another parent ‘advising ‘me on the care of my child.

let me share a story with U manders, saturday after the tulifest, i went up to do some shopping at hannaford. a young girl and her little daughter entered the Bus stop, the mother was trying to organize her bags and her child was giving her a hard time crying, as i saw the mother getting exasparated with the child, I stepped up, asked the mother if she minded, and then offered the child a peppermint. The child stopped crying t, and took the candy!problem solved! the problem these days is that rather than approching the problem positively, too many people approach it from anegative perspective, speculating on the motherparenting skills, on the nature of the child etc, etc! It’s a kid, how about some tenderness people!!!?????

I understand where most of you are coming from. It can be annoying to hear a child throw a tantrum in the store, havng a 4 yr old at home myself. In some cases it might not be appropriate to leave. What if the tantrum is because the child WANTS to leave and you NEED to shop. In this case, at the clothing rack, what if mom needed new work clothes because hers got ruined, or some other reason where she had to shop THEN. We just don’t know why she was shopping, why she wasn’t soothing the child or why she didn’t leave the store. Since we are not her, ignore it, bcause who are we anyways.

Any parent that thinks that it’s ok for their child to literally scream in public should be ashamed of themselves. If it’s ok for your child to scream and yell, is it ok for mine to pull down their pants and use the grocery store aisle as a toilet? What’s the big deal? I’ll clean it up so there won’t be a sanitation issue. It’ll be horribly unpleasant? So what? That’s what my child does. Everyone should deal with it because they don’t know my child. Oh wait. That’s not acceptable? To let your kid act like a lunatic while you shop? What a surprise. If a child is too young to know the difference, you have a choice to bring them outside. You just chose not to. shame on you and stay home. Shop online.

This comes under “your right to wave your fist ends where my nose begins”.

Patrons of a store have a reasonable expectation of being able to shop with other human beings who are behaving in ways acceptable in public. This includes not making protracted loud noises for no reason.

If there **is** a reason this child was making protracted loud noises, the mother shouldn’t be ignoring it, and undoubtedly the store would not be the best place for the child to remain. So either way, get the kid out. Do you refuse to leave a church service when your child screams?

If the child is whining out of sheer boredom, time to be a parent. Make plans to amuse your child, or participate only in age-appropriate activities with him or her.

I am sure I have mentioned on more than one occasion here as well as OTE that I have a special needs child. Life isn’t all roses with a perfect smiling kid at my side in the store. Parenting isn’t that easy for anyone. My daughter is physically 10 but cognitive much younger. She is prone to having what I call episodes, to the rest of the world, tantrums. I never know when will strike or what will provoke it. As a result it means I may be in the store with a 10 yr old (in yours and everyone else’s eyes) having a complete meltdown like the little one you mentioned. Sometimes I will leave the store but chances are I am going address her behavior then ignore it and continue about my business. I can’t stop what I am doing and leave because she is having a meltdown each and every time. I would NEVER accomplish anything and it would do her no favors. She needs to learn social behaviors appropiate for stores and the only way that is going to happen is being there.

As for someone saying something, I don’t suggest it. Individuals staring and muttering to themselves or their shopping buddy angers me. Your stares and comments are causing additional unnecessary stress. You may think that you aren’t being noticed or heard but you are very wrong. I become hype sensitive to my surrounding in those moments, I hear every remark, see and feel every look. I don’t need to justify my child or my actions. I know what is right in that moment, you need to just mind your business. If the child is in danger if it s different story. To say I being inconsiderate of others in the store, I believe differently. Others and their general ignorance that if a child looks normal they are so therefore their behavior is inappropriate is wrong. I am not at all saying this parents behavior was appropriate just don’t judge or assume things if you don’t know.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, reading your restaurant experience made me so mad for you!!
In that case, I might have said something loud enough for the parents to hear along the lines of, “Haha, ok lil’ guy, but SHOULDN’T YOU SIT DOWN AND ACT LIKE A BIG BOY NOW? I bet MOMMY and DADDY would like it if you enjoyed your dinner with THEM.”

In this situation, it’s a bit tougher. The mom IS supposed to know that her child was being highly disruptive to everyone, and she SHOULD have disciplined him and/or left. But for whatever reason she didn’t, and I would tend to err on the side of not saying anything… if for no other reason than you don’t know if she’s a crazy herself, and confronting her might cause you more trouble than a few more minutes of having to listen to the demon-child (also think about how she has to live with that kid and hear the screaming so many more times a day than just in the store)
At my bravest, I might venture an, “Is he alright?”, to maybe clue her into the fact that, yes, the rest of us can hear him and he’s making it sound like death is impending, so if there’s something you as the mother can do for him for the love of god, please do it… but probably not, I am a wuss.

@not so nice: “She needs to learn social behaviors appropriate for stores and the only way that is going to happen is being there.”

Being there, yes.
But not being there and being ignored while she behaves wildly inappropriately, in a manner that essentially makes her a public nuisance for a protracted period of time.
She will learn appropriate behaviors by being taught them and by having them modeled again and again. Not by engaging in inappropriate behaviors in public while Mommy finishes her shopping instead of either removing the child or actively engaging him/her.

The issue in this discussion is just that — when Mommy doesn’t do anything, and just lets the child have the tantrum which goes on and on.

Telling strangers how to parent their children in public is never a good idea. Best case, you are making that parent’s day even more annoying and they are still not going to listen to you. You are never going to hear, “Oh! My kid is crying? I didn’t realize. I guess you’re right and I should leave. I never would have thought of that on my own.” Worst case, you get into an altercation with an already stressed out stranger. There are many extenuating circumstances that can lead to a parent ignoring a tantrum. This isn’t to say that there aren’t neglectful parents but chances are, the parent is acutely aware of how their child is effecting the people around them and they are dealing with it in the way that it will be resolved most quickly, based on their knowledge of their child.

I personally leave if my son starts acting out in public. But there are rare occasions where I don’t. If he starts yelling when I’m in the first aisle at the grocery store, I’ll leave. If he’s yelling in the check out line, we’re staying. But I also have a lot more flexibility about when I can go places. Some parents don’t. Sometimes things have to be done at certain times and children have to come, regardless of how they’re acting.

I do think people have a right to expect to be able to shop without being assaulted. But people should also realize that children are in public places and they don’t act like adults. If you don’t want to encounter children, do your shopping in the evening when they’re all home in bed. Or shop online and have it delivered so you don’t have to deal with the annoyances of the general public. But making snarky comments and rolling your eyes just makes you look like a jerk and doesn’t help the situation.

Wow – clearly the older woman who complained had a “need” to shop, so why couldn’t she see beyond her face to assume that the mother did too? And to choose to say a snarky comment so loudly that other poeple could hear is a low, dirty, cowardly technique. Talk about selfish! I hope when she gets old and needs help and consideration herself, she find people more understanding than she demonstrated.

Was the mom just being completely ignorant by not trying to soothe her child and/or step outside of the store? Her parenting in public is just a small glimpse into her parenting style at home; needless to say, yes…she’s being COMPLETELY ignorant and clearly needs some help with her parenting style. Have some sort of consideration for others…and an ounce of shame.

Is being a mom with a crying kid in public so totally stressful that it sends you into survival mode — meaning, you ignore the tantrum in order to get your shopping done because you’d otherwise never get it done? Being a dad with a kid crying in public means one thing – us leaving where we are until we’re composed enough to continue our mission. I’ve gone outside with my daughter for 10 or 15 minutes in the middle of a movie or dinner because she was crying, sometimes kids just need to burn some energy and relax a bit…other times, like with my daughter, they just want to tell you a secret reaaaaally badly. haha

Is it appropriate to ask an employee to ask a parent with a screaming child to exit the store until the tantrum is over? I’d never ask an employee to do such a thing, I’m not going to put their job at risk because I left my iPod home. If the crying is that bad, have the balls to say something yourself or deal with it. It’s why you rarely catch me in Walmart or the mall without my earbuds in.

A nice meal, the salon, the movies, if you’re kid ain’t quiet and behaved then get them the hell out. If I’m paying for an experience that should be relaxing than there’s an expectation for that atmosphere. But shopping? really? people get upset enough by a tantrum throwing child that it prevents them from truly enjoying trying on pants or grabbing a gallon of milk? So sad. Possibly it’s not just indulgent parents that need to get over themselves? You know what I think when I see a kid throwing a tantrum? I think “thank God I don’t have to deal with that” and go on my merry way.

If the story was of a mother in a grocery store I would’ve thought it was about me. My daughter was crying b/c I wouldn’t let her out of the cart she was running around and making it harder to shop so I put her in the cart making her upset. I tried to calm her down but I needed to get my shopping done so they could have lunch the next day. Believe me I was not ignorant I balled my eyes out when I got in my car. I have a 45 min drive home and it’s not easy for me to make the grocery run after my husband gets home… I think some comments are being a bit judge-mental (comment by G) as that would not be my parenting style at home.

I’m a mother of 3 grown sons and there were a few times when I had to leave the store because of crying/screaming episodes. I just felt it was better for my child to be removed from the situation and also considerate for those in the store. I would initially try to quiet them down by holding them or giving them a toy or snack for distraction, but that didn’t always work. It’s just good common sense, which seems to be lacking with some mothers.

My son is 2 and while he rarely acts out in public as this little boy did, there are times when he does. As much as I do not want to give the tantrum much attention, I also try to re-direct his behavior. If this does not work, I would leave the store. I, too, do not like to hear screaming children! On the other hand, I am a “single mother,” and don’t have much time to get shopping done without my son. There will many times when he cries in the store, he’s a child! I see both sides of the coin!

It’s what toddlers do- tantrums happen. I always tried my best to do my shopping when I could leave the kids at home but that didn’t always work out. I also tried to make sure it wasn’t during nap time but a bad night’s sleep can throw a little one’s nap off.

I did use a little trick when necessary- I always had a cheap little new toy in the diaper bag- nothing extravagant just something different to keep them occupied if they started fits. Sometimes I could get away with using it a couple of times because I would get it back into the bag and they would forget about it and it seemed almost new the next time.

But sometimes they just throw fits and it’s a fact of life. If I could I would ask a store worker if I could leave my loaded cart and take my child outside for a few minutes to get him/her calmed down. People would rather that than listen to the screaming. I had decent luck with this maneuver as well.

I, too, have raised a “special” child, although you wouldn’t know it by looking at him. His acting out at stores would usually attract glares and loud comments about better ways to parent. I still remember those few awesome people – usually older women – who said to me, “Let me help you get your bags to your car” or some such offer. This is a scary approach, and some people will be offended by it, but some will remember you always as an angel.

You can’t know the whole story behind something, so it’s better not to say anything. You may be annoyed by the screaming (and possibly retarded/autistic) kid, but at the end of the day you don’t have to deal with it.

I’d much rather leave the immediate area (store, mall, restaurant, sporting event) and calm my daughter down than have to punch a rude stranger in the face and risk going to jail.

I’m very thankful that my ‘look’ is still effective, at 4 1/2 years old. Those parents that have kids who can’t go into a store without touch everything, racing down aisles and screaming ‘MOMMMMMMYYYYYYY’ 23 times in a row are going to have long, miserable lives…and it’s all their fault. The kids are just doing what their parents let them believe is acceptable to do.

I assume the person who wrote this article does not have children. I happen to have a two year old who regularly throws fits in the store if I make him sit in a cart. I dare somebody to go up to a mother who is already stressed and embarrassed and ask them to go outside…the response will not be a nice one. I know that eventually he will relax, so if I am not able to soothe him I let him cry it out. A restaurant is the only place I will bring him outside as people are sitting and trying to enjoy their food. My suggestion, if you see a child throwing a fit in a store…mind your business and keep it moving!

‘I happen to have a two year old who regularly throws fits in the store if I make him sit in a cart.’ – Regularly? There’s your problem right there… When he’s 5 he’s going to be regularly telling YOU what time to go to bed and putting you in time out. haha

I didn’t really start taking my kid out for long shopping trips until I knew she could deal with it. I would get a sitter and use my shopping as my me time. Even now I still have to cut some of my trips short because she only likes them if they are all about her so i still have to sneak in some me time which is harder since she is older. This reminds me of mothers day dinner this weekend we went to smokey bones and it feels like it was filled with crying kids. I just wanted to get out of there. I even made a comment that there should be a section for crying kids. again I didn’t go out to eat until i knew my kid knew how to behave.

We raised 2 special needs kids. We would try to go out when one parent was home and the other would shop. And when we HAD to take them out, we didn’t take them out for long shopping trips, because we knew the over-stimulation and break from their routines would get to them quickly. But sometimes, we had to be there for a while longer than optimal.

We’d work to distract them. We’d try to soothe them. When these didn’t work, it was just better to let them holler, and IGNORE THEM. We knew after a couple of minutes, they’d realize we weren’t paying attention to it (and there was NOTHING they craved more than our attention, save for candy and toys!), and they’d eventually die down.

Did we get nasty looks? Yup. Did we feel like horrible parents? Sometimes. But we knew we were doing the best we could. And that’s all ANY parent can do.

BTW, the ignoring trick works with “normal” kids, too. It’s entirely possible that mom was working it. I watched my best friend work it with her son countless times like magic . . .

I realize the new way of doing things is to ‘ignore’ your child when they misbehave, but sometimes (obviously) this doesn’t work. First of all, the mother may be ignoring her kid, but EVERYONE else in the store is paying attention to him. Whatever happened to if you misbehave, you’re going out to sit in the car… alone? That’s the way I was raised and I think I was disruptive in public about one time.

we have two little boys, and luckily we’ve only been hit with (relatively minor) tantrums when we are already leaving the store (thus the tantrum). However, our approach is that if a major tantrum should occur, we will leave the store until the child calms down. If that means going home, then so be it. A few people here already touched on this idea…but kids behave that way for a reason. They are not mature! If your kid is crying to the point that he/she is gasping for breath, then it’s time to do something about it. As parents I feel we should give them the benefit of the doubt, even though it’s not convenient for us.

I much prefer the mother who ignores the tantrum over the parents who participate in the yelling. When a parent screams for the 5th time “you better knock it off” and the kid hasn’t, I start to wonder, “or what?” myself.

It’s just polite people. If your kid is screaming, take them outside! It’s not always possible, but when it is, do it!

Also, if you give your child an ultimatum and then have to say it again -you’ve already lost. Kids need and test boundaries. There are some parents who aren’t as good as others at stating those boundaries clearly. Like #49 says, if it’s 2, 3, 4, 5 times you’ve told them to behave, then they know you are full of sh!t and know they can do whatever they want.

‘I realize the new way of doing things is to ‘ignore’ your child when they misbehave…’ – That’s news to me! I’m glad I’m raising my kid the old school way, where the parents run the show, not the toddlers.

Look, I hate screaming kids, I don’t even like kids really. But the market is a noisy free-for-all place where she doesn’t really have a choice to bring a child. Price Chopper is not the movie theater, leave the aisle and come back if it’s so inconvenient.

So, G, in your fantasy land, if your child is screaming because they want to leave the store, you’re going to do what? You can’t spank them. You can’t threaten a two year old with some later consequence. The whole point here IS that the parent didn’t let the toddler call the shots, but I think you were so busy criticizing that you missed it. I bet you never took the kids out by yourself.

Um, must agree with Maggie here. If Mom gave in to the kids, she would be harshly criticized for that too. My kids hated errands when they were little. I admit, I often took them out of the store to avoid the stares, but that would just lead them to act up even worse the next time so they would get what they wanted – to leave the store.

G – I was once smug like you. My first kid had a very easy personality. Then I had additional kids, and I was humbled to realize that it wasn’t my great parenting that caused my oldest to be “good.”

@23 – Thank you for your continued ignorance! Since you know what is best for my child and how she will learn by all means please do spend sometime in my shoes. I will plop my lazy non-parenting arse on the sidelines and watch you. Haha I truly find the mere thought hysterically funny!

In this situation there is a no win. No matter what the mom did the child probably would have behaved like that. I had that same problem with my kids and it sure was embarrassing. My ex wasn’t much help and I had no choice but to shop with my children, some people are in these situations. If the mom would have tried soothing the child the child would have just gotten louder by my experience. The best thing to do is to drop the shopping and walk out with the child according to the experts but then again I believe the child wins because I think sometimes they do it because they don’t want to be out shopping. Sometimes a distraction from a stranger (talking to them) would be a godsend and would distract the child in my experience.

All of these comments, both serious and tounge-in-cheek, were interesting to read but at the end of the day, it comes down to personal choice. Parents know their kids better than anyone, so what they choose to do when a situation like this arises, is totally on them.

As a parent, you learn very quickly that everyone is a critic…everyone has the best advice and knows what you SHOULD be doing or COULD be doing differently. If you don’t develop thick skin and the ability to hear/nod/ignore the commentary, especially from complete strangers, you’ll drive yourself insane trying to conform to every parenting ‘rule’ that’s floating around out there. People have opinions and they’re going to shove them down your throat as often as they deem necessary…such is life.

With that said, just as you’d take a lil credit for little Suzie making the honor roll, take a lil of the blame when she knocks down 200 oranges in the produce aisle in Hannaford.

Wow, some of these responses are crazy. Bottom line is this, sometimes kids NEED to be ignored when they are having a tantrum. Sometimes they need to be corrected. As I said before, kids are smart. They realize they get attention when they act out. So, those that are saying parents should rule with the iron fist EVERYTIME a kid starts screaming could actually be perpetuating the behavior, rather than correcting it.

It’s not the child’s fault he’s either tired, hungry, wet or the victim of some selfish mother who thinks everybody has to put up with their inconsideration for their child and society in general. How about making sure your child is fed, rested and bathroomed and perhaps the shopping trip or what ever the situation is would go better. I get irratited when I go the church or a resturant and some child is crying profusely and the parent or whoever never makes the move to remove the crying child. Sometimes it just too much environmentally for small children and their needs should be considered. Mothers today need a wake up call. Get off your phone and give you child some attention and consideration. Everybody isn’t going to think you child is the greatest kid of all time. Sometimes the taturm shows your lack of control/parenting over your child.

Its a persons choice to have kids, however it is also a persons choice to not be a parent. I think kids should be under control. I dont have kids for a reason, I have no desire to deal with them and I personally know I dont have the patience. Therefore when I am out, shopping or enjoying time for me, I certainly do not want it interrupted by an outside noise such as a screaming child. I also know that when I was younger if I had a fit, my parents took me outside immediately to not bother those around us and to not embarrass themselves.

I admit – I didn’t read all the posts above.. But the fact is that in today’s world most parents respond to the crying and remove the child or give in and let them get what they want.. That is total BS and that’s why we have so many imature adults today.. While it might be embarssing for the parent, or annoying to other shoppers.. I say let the child whine and cry and do not give in. It teaches the child that inapporpitate behavior is not rewarded.!. I believe this parent tried her best to get through shopping – without letting her child feel he/she can carrying on and win. What happened to the day when parents could teach their child right from wrong – without the public being judgemental !..

#63… I guess it all depends on what happens when you ‘remove the child’ – in my case, on the rare occassion that my daugher is having a fit in public, she knows that if I take her to the bathroom or outside for a talk, it’s not going to be a fun experience.

To the question of whether an employee should have said something – maybe, it depends on the severity of the situation. I think this is one of those things that could go either way and you’d really have to look at the specific circumstances. In your case Amanda, obviously several other customers were annoyed and affected by this, so yes, probably an employee should have said something.

I am not a mom, but I do babysit frequently and otherwise am around kids/babies a lot, so I am going to share my opinion on crying in public in general…babies crying when I’m babysitting them, and they’re in my apartment (or I’m in their parents’ home, or whatever) then the crying doesn’t bother me.

I remember one time I was babysitting the baby would NOT stop crying, and after I tried the bottle, teething rings, changing the diaper, etc, I just let her cry it out. I do think sometimes you’ve got to let them cry it out, although I know that is tough for some moms to do.

But in public is a totally different story. If I was in a store or especially a restaurant or something, and my kid was acting up I would definitely take them outside to calm down, even if it meant losing precious time I had to get my errands done. Unless it was a do or die situation (like I was picking up important medicine for someone) I wouldn’t just keep shopping and ignoring my kid crying.

To sum up my thoughts: Kids do sometimes need to just cry it out, but it’s not appropriate in a public place.

G makes a good point in #64. I can understand not giving in to the child if what they want is to leave. But they also have to learn boundaries and respect for other people. How will they become aware of the needs of people beyond them and their immediate family if the parents treat the situation like “Oh well, I’m ignoring the kid to teach them a lesson, so the rest of you have to deal with the screaming too.” Try to find some way of disciplining the kid where leaving the store for a talk is worse to them than going back in and quieting down while you get your errands done.
THAT BEING SAID… in reading the comments above, I understand better that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, especially with special needs kids. So I’ll personnally give parents more benefit of the doubt from now on. But as others said above, the sound of a screaming child will just bother people. If you think everyone else should just put up with the noise too, then learn to put up with the looks and comments.

#62. I agree! I really don’t like disabled people and get so annoyed when one of them has a behavior in public. Since I don’t have one I think they should all be sent away to some island so I don’t have to see or deal with them…

And that’s how your post came across…

Having NO IDEA what this woman’s situation was, I would not say a word to her, expect her to do anything or expect an employee to do anything…I would mind my own darn business. And guess what? I’m an adult and know how to ignore too. Ask my kids.

I did not read any of the comments because I could really care less…and neither should else. I do not have kids but my sister has a son, and I can’t tell you the number of times that this has happened to her. She is a school teacher, and she gets out of school at 3:30pm then has to pick up her son from daycare by 4pm, leaving her just enough time to get to the daycare center. After that, she has two choices: 1) wait until 7pm, when her husband gets home from work, make/eat dinner as a family and then after cleaning up, go back out to the store at 9pm just so everyone else does not have to hear a baby cry??? Or 2) GO THE ONLY TIME SHE CAN! Get over yourselves people. We were all crying babies at one time…does not mean you need to be one now. Grow up and step your life up if these are the things that concern you.

They both do all that stuff. And trust me, she’s got him working inside the house and out. Couldn’t even get him to go golfing this weekend due to yard work/bathroom renovations.
My point was that people need to just step back. Raising a child is hard enough without Nosy Nancy chiming with a “How To:” guide on being a parent. Heaven forbid your ears have to withstand the torturous shriek of a 2 year-old for a minute while you pick up your mega roll of Charmin.

Can’t believe no one has said “perhaps she should have picked up the child and help soothe it with gentle hugs”. It works and causes the child to feel secure, knowing that its needs are being addressed (which serves them in later years as they more securely explore their world). Maybe its leg was being pinched by the seat or it was experiencing some other discomfort. Smacks, harsh lecturing on proper behavior and ignoring?? Of a toddler who has spent all of two years being alive? I bet this mom would have accepted an offer of some friendly, compassionate help.

Wow… I just have one question. How on earth do you deal with the comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the post?! Most of these commenters are jumping down your throat as if you said nasty comments regarding the screaming child! WTH??? The post is clearly about the mother’s actions and what would be apporpriate course of action in a public setting.

People just like to come down on others for no apparent reason… Maybe I’ll just stick to reading the post and not the comments from now on. So hostile lately…

‘…I respond in a carefree yet slightly snarky manner and move on.’ – Exactly. This is why you’re good at what you do and everyone shouldn’t be a blogger. Sounds like SpringFever would send some assassins out, the moment someone disagreed with her (him?) or got off topic. haha

But seriously? That’s what you got from that? I stopped reading/commenting for a while… and since I started again, have just noticed that lately the comments on here and OTE have been so hostile. People are so quick to pick apart the writer and not fully comprehend the point of the post. That’s all. Don’t be scared!

I never get annoyed with the kids…based on their parent’s child raising skills, or lack thereof, the poor little things got enough going against them already.

The problem is never the child, it is always the parent.

You know, the one who is supposed to be smarter and more mature than a toddler?
Based on how a lot of you act in public and when driving, the above question may be moot.

Your parenting hardships are a result of YOUR choice to have children and their behavior (and your response to it) is all on you, not the other shoppers.

Maybe, I will play loud music in the store and when you give me a dirty look I will tell you “mind your own business and go to the other side of the store?”

You don’t have someone to watch them?
You are a single mom?
You have a long drive to the store?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a thing called SELF CONTROL or, failing that(you are only human, after all)contraceptives.

Have a cookie and grow some responsibility for your decision to foist upon society another badly raised being instead of laying it all on reactions of the calm and considerate people who simply had the misfortune to be in the store at the same time you were.

Also, #80 Dan Palmer, someone should have given that same advice to your mother, then the world would have one less grumpy A-hole who thinks he knows everything. Since that obviously did not happen, why don’t you do the rest of society a favor and stay at home, and continue yelling at the neighborhood kids to stay off your lawn.

Another EPIC meltdown by my 3 year old this time at Price Chopper. It started with the toys in the vending machines by the door. I got through produce and then it was all downhill from there…toys in the middle of the frozen food section! Really?? He carried on right through checkout when I refused to buy candy. During my shopping I had one older woman pass me and say “isn’t it fun??” Another woman with her granddaughter in the cart looked at me and said “I have 2 girls and one boy and if he was born first there would be no girls” When I arrived at the checkout, I said to the cashier “aren’t you glad I picked your line??” She said it happens all the time.

I know it’s not easy hearing someone’s kid screaming while you’re trying to shop. Look at it this way…me refusing to give in to my child and give him whatever just to keep him quiet is teaching a valuable lesson…you don’t get what you want all the time. Maybe if more parents and observers tolerated a few meltdowns we wouldn’t have so many self centered adults walking around.

I think that bad parents take their kids to restaurants and the store when the kids are too young and badly behaved. Don’t these children have two parents? Let one parent stay home with the child until the child is old enough to get through the outing without making an unpleasant scene.

Why should I be subjected to someone else’s badly behaved child? Do I not deserve an occasional night out to relax?

I am going to continue to teach poorly behaved children curse words when their bad parents inflict them on me.

@MyPeace you are a great example from my last statement. You obviously got everything you wanted as a child. “Don’t these children have two parents?” Why yes, ALL children have 2 parents, it’s also 1955.

‘…me refusing to give in to my child and give him whatever just to keep him quiet is teaching a valuable lesson…you don’t get what you want all the time.’ – I agree… but another valuable lesson is disciplining them the first time it happens so it doesn’t happen again and again.

Kids aren’t stupid, even if they have stupid parents…they know who they can get over on and who they can’t, especially toddlers.

@G I completely agree! When a toddler is having a total meltdown there is no reasoning with them. I have been known to leave a store if he’s out of control. I guess it depends where you are. I don’t subject him to a ladies dressing room because mom needs a new dress but grocery shopping is a little different. I did leave Price Chopper without half the things I went there for. My husband went later to get the rest. Thing is, sometimes you just don’t know what kind of day it will be until you venture out and test the waters. What I will say is, if a stranger came up to me at the moment my son was having a meltdown I’m not sure how that would end….not good, I guarantee that.

I really don’t think it makes ANY difference if a child has autism or any other problem. They are in a public place and should be expected to respect the rules of civility. If that is not possible then don’t bring them to a place where you expect the rest of the world should have to suffer with your problems.

Not removing a screaming and/or disruptive child from a public place is nothing short of rude, selfish, unresponsible behavior. It is the worst when you are in a restaurant, trying to relax and enjoy a meal out. Some excuse for a parent thinks that it is OK for thier toddler to be running around acting like it is a playground, or they are throwing a tantrum, while they are being totally ignored by the person who brought them in there in the first place. Not only is that outrageously rude but it is also a safety hazard for the wait staff.

I remember when kids were expected to behave regardless of wheter or not they were happy to be there. We all need to learn that there are time in life when you just have to act appropriately even if we are not happy withthe circumstance. The sooner a child learns that lesson the better off we will all be.

Came across this in the doctor’s office of all places. Three kids, ages about 2 (boy), 3 (girl), 12 (boy) supervised by about a 22 year old manchild. The 12 year old kept chasing the 2 year old around the office, making the 2 year old shriek with delight incessantly. The manchild did nothing, of course. I’m talking loud, blood curdling shrieks and running around. My scowls didn’t work. In the end, I opted to taking my 5 year-old outside.