After all of that…

After all of the drama, the divorce arguments, trying to convey communication vs incorrect assumptions, and learning to juggle things in life, I decided I can take no more.

When I woke up yesterday (for like the 3rd time), I decided there is no hope for Rescue and me. Maybe there’s no hope for him, period.

After all of enlightening feedback I received from Papa Bear, I thought we would be okay, being able to be strong enough to weather any storm.

I apologized my part in having caused and strife and it was well received by Rescue but then he creates yet another problem.

While our relationship is on a respiratory machine, he takes our condition from serious to critical. Yes, I’m exaggerating with the analogies, but this is the best way I can describe the situation.

You see, I wanted to see him after all of the fussing and the tension created over the last week or so. Not argue, dredge up any argument, but just to see Rescue. To be with him. I wanted to work on mending whatever tears had been made.

Rescue, however had something else in mind. When we would normally see each other 4 or 5 nights out of the week. Even if it was only for an hour in the morning as I dressed for week, with his schedule, it’s what I had to work with. Instead, days began to go by and soon, I stopped training my ear to listen for that key in the door at 4am.

Rescue felt the best way for ME to feel better about our situation was to give ME space.

Okay, I guess that would have been a perfect if one of the following applied:

1. I was the type of woman who thought space after an argument was a good idea and more importantly

IF

2. I KNEW this was the plan!

What the hell?

Yes, this was something that was decided by Rescue all by himself but he failed to let the girlfriend (me) know about it.

So….. When I don’t see him when he gets off work, and I don’t see him and barely talk to him during his off day, what else am I to think but everything bad?

Failure to communicate.

A few conversations later, I COMMUNICATE to him that what he did backfired. Grossly.

What that time away fro$ each other did was allowed me to think. A lot. This is dangerous for a woman on the edge of ending a relationship. It gave me time to get used to not being around him. Sure, I cried a lot these last couple of days but it’s been in preparation for the inevitable. The space he mistakenly think I needed gave me time to realize that the failure of his past relationships, marriage from years ago and this latest one that didn’t even last a year were probably due to his actions.

Let your work and personal goals take over when in a relationship and you neglect the one you love? Guess which won’t be around any longer?

These last three days have been a blur and to add to all of the stress? I’ve come down with a terrible cold and sinus ailment which has knocked me off my feet!

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!
I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.
This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".
If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!
Carmen

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9 Comments

Dana

I want to jump into my computer and give you a big hug right now. I absolutely love following your blog, and for some odd unknown reason, I seem to be following you in real life, too. I am in, as you dub it, “dating limbo,” at present. For us it’s only been 3 months, and I am the one with the baggage, though it is really not baggage unless you choose to think it is. My marriage of seven years will be officially over on October 3. It’s been 11 months of divorce proceedings but the marriage was over at least two years prior to that. Now, I have what I feel like is a wonderful man – dare I say “perfect?” But, he’s just not sure he wants to get involved in all the baggage I bring. WTF? Either you want to be with me or you don’t. Problem is he’s amazing with my children – my son has made a complete 180 because of this guy. I feel like we could have a future together, but he’s just not on the same page. When I get one foot out the door, though, he BEGS for me to stay. I don’t get it… I just shake my head and end up staying. Ugh… *headbang*

Thanks for the love Dana, I really appreciate it and even more, thank you for being able to relate to my situation. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot!

This hits home: “Either you want to be with me or you don’t.”

Simple statement and I assure you, as badly as I want(ed) to be with Rescue, your guy wants to be with you.

The “baggage” is a loose term we might throw around without fully thinking of what that means. Your situation is 75% better than mine because you were able to (I assume) initiate the proceedings before you and your 3 Month Love got together, right?

Me? Not so much. I’ve been forced to wait a year which right now, wouldn’t seem that bad since there would only have been 4 months to go BUT then I would have to WAIT for the proceedings to begin.

What if Rescue or the wife start dragging their feet?

That’s a big leap of faith to wait and trust that someone will follow through on what they say, you know?

Okay, so let’s say he DID start the divorce when he’s supposed to. What then? More drama in case she changes her mind about something and it gets ugly? Then I’m stuck dealing with the fall out from that as well?

Sounds like excuses and a woman who isn’t too trusting doesn’t it?

It’s just different Dana. Being involved with someone who is single and you are in a relationship that has issues is already tough.

Being involved with someone who isn’t totally done with another relationship AND then dealing with the trials of making it work as a couple?

That’s like trying to get gum out of carpet. Somehow, it can probably be done but a lot of effort to get it right.

Good luck to you with your guy and what a blessing to see that your child is reaping the benefits as well!

Hey suga! This really sucks and he could’ve been forthcoming with the hiatus, but I have to be honest with you….you’ll never be satisfied until he takes the action to get the divorce in motion. He may think he can handle all of the demands (and I say this lightly) placed on him from both ends, but most men/people can’t. If he hasn’t settled within his mind that he is ready to make the next move…excuse-free, there will always be a conflict. Maybe this time will give you a little room to think about what serves you best. He can’t expect to dangle a carrot here and there and for you to continue to be around. {{hugs}}