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WOLFSBURG, Germany—Matthias Müller, the newly appointed CEO of Volkswagen, apologized again for the emissions-cheating scandal, calling it “absolutely the most dark and embarrassing era in our company history, absolutely.”

“We all feel just terrible about this,” said Müller. “Believe me when I say at no point whatsoever in our, whatever it is, 70-ish-year corporate history is there anything else like this that we should feel as ashamed about.”

A quick search on Google where twissblog investigative reporters decided to not scroll down past the first result confirmed Müller’s story.

“I can’t imagine what could be worse than this, and neither can you,” he added.

Ferdinand Porsche, one of the early leaders of Volkswagen, with some totally ordinary Germans, obviously none of whom are in any kind of uniform or anything, just regular people, probably.