So this is about a girl. Met her at a Bible study a couple of years ago. There was mutual interest, so she and I went on 1.5 dates. I say “1.5,” because the first one was a semi-date. Then things cooled off, presumably because I said I might be leaving for school, but it could be other reasons. There was pretty much no contact for over a year. Then since I’m now really leaving the area in 2 months, I shot her an email to keep in touch. She replied a couple of weeks later. I’m not quite sure how to interpret her email, but it looks like she’s leaving the area too in August to start school. She asked me when I’ll be leaving for school and a few other questions about school. She ended the email by saying “Talk to you soon.”

I’m trying to decide whether I should ask her to grab coffee sometime to catch up before I leave the area. 2 months is too short to really start anything, right? I mean, she and I are going to be 500 miles apart at the respective schools. I’m actually kinda regretting sending her the email, because I really liked this girl, and I’m reluctant to go through that again. Maybe she’s just being friendly, and I’m reading way too much into it. Oh well.

If you want to email her about coffee, I think you should. The fact that it took her two weeks to return your email would lead me to believe that she’s just being friendly and not reading anything else into the situation. Who knows what might happen! You could meet up, decide that you’re madly in love and she could change her plans to be closer to you, or you could try a long distance relationship…OR it could turn out that you’re just good friends who keep in touch and get together when you’re both home for summers or breaks. I had a guy like that when I was in school. He turned out to be my best friend and we had so much fun together, but there wasn’t ever any pressure to remain exclusive when we were back at our respective colleges. Years (YEARS!) later, we both ended up “back home” permanently. Now, he’s my husband.

If you want to email her about coffee, I think you should. The fact that it took her two weeks to return your email would lead me to believe that she’s just being friendly and not reading anything else into the situation. Who knows what might happen! You could meet up, decide that you’re madly in love and she could change her plans to be closer to you, or you could try a long distance relationship…OR it could turn out that you’re just good friends who keep in touch and get together when you’re both home for summers or breaks. I had a guy like that when I was in school. He turned out to be my best friend and we had so much fun together, but there wasn’t ever any pressure to remain exclusive when we were back at our respective colleges. Years (YEARS!) later, we both ended up “back home” permanently. Now, he’s my husband.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. The non-exclusiveness part sounds interesting. Before people start thinking I’m a typical guy, though, let me say that I think one of the reasons things cooled off might’ve been because I came on too strong, and it scared her off. I am leaning towards asking her for coffee, even if it’s just friends.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. The non-exclusiveness part sounds interesting. Before people start thinking I’m a typical guy, though, let me say that I think one of the reasons things cooled off might’ve been because I came on too strong, and it scared her off. I am leaning towards asking her for coffee, even if it’s just friends.

If you are wanting to spend some time with her to see how it feels, ask her to go for coffee. That’s an easy date, no big time commitment for either of you. As a “girl” I would suggest, however, that if she does accept the invitation, that you keep things cool for the time being.
I have always held in high regard a man, that can wait. I want to feel safe when I am with a man. And that takes more than 1.5 dates. You have time. I know, you’re both going to school in different places - but if a relationship between the two of you is meant to be, you have time.

Yea, I'm definitely not holding my breath. It took me four days to get back to her, so I can't complain. If it took me that long to make up my mind - and it's still not made up - just imagine how long it would take a girl. Besides, there're plenty of nice Catholic women in Ann Arbor, fingers crossed.

I would caution you against any hasty decisions. The time pressure may act against you, making you imagine things and overstate your actual desires. The forbidden fruit factor may get in, too. The inaccessible is always more attractive and the time constraints can prompt you to rash actions. On the other hand, it would indeed feel like a lamentable waste not to go and have a coffee. This probably gets us to, "Be careful."