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Monday, June 1, 2009

Bros fucking hate condoms. They're expensive, unnatural, and worst of all, it feels like you are suffocating your joint. But we all know that bros also do not like becoming fathers, so how exactly do we get around this? This one is for all you girls out there that insist on using condoms – by using any of these alternatives you can ensure enjoyable sex as well as avoiding a maternity gown for your shotgun wedding.

The Pill – One of the most bittersweet things a random girl says during foreplay is “Do you have a condom?” Sure, you’re gonna get laid, but it would be nice if you could just raw dog it. I’m thinking of implementing a new technique during foreplay and beating the girl to the punch by asking, “Are you on birth control?” Granted most girls are on birth control, but still require wearing a condom because “they don’t know where you’ve been.” Listen, sweetheart, since I just met you tonight, chances are you’ve been a lot worse places that I have and I’m fine with it. And last I checked, birth control is not that cheap, so by making bros wear condoms you are just wasting money. Also, bros will agree that we’ll even take further steps to avoid the remaining 1% chance of pregnancy.

Pulling out – All you bro-haters out there are probably saying pulling out never works, well you know who says it does? That’s right, science. Bitch. Seriously, pulling out is the shit, not only do you get to raw dog it, but you also get to act like every bro’s favorite porn star, Peter North. Sure it’s nice just to stay inside, but being able to “paint the canvas” can be a lot of fun. Bros also like yelling out catch phrases like “YAHTZEE” or “WHAMMY” when they unleash the hounds. Not only does it let the girl know that she’s done a good job, but its also pretty fucking hilarious. As much fun as pulling out is, it’s still not full proof. Say for some odd reason the bro is not sober during the sesh. This is not too common, it only happens roughly 98% of the time. There is the chance that the bro forgets hes not wearing a dome piece or is just “slow on the draw.” Relax, bros and girls, you're still covered.

Morning After Pill – This is one of those things where you just want to be REALLY sure after all the other precautions you’ve taken. Unfortunately, I can’t say I’ve ever been part of a night of passion that has led to the awkward trip to CVS to pick up the “murder pill” but I know people who have and they are true bros. Another positive thing about this pill is that it is readily available, and some quality institutions (James Madison University) even allow students to use their flex dollars from their meal plan to pay for the pill. So after this, girls are probably saying, “Why did I ever make him wear protection?” Just wait, there’s more.

Abortion – Bros typically come from an upper-middle class to upper class upbringing where they were taught conservative values, thus they are inherently pro-life. That is until the slampiece you hooked up with like 2 months ago and never talked to again messages you on facebook that you have to talk. You meet up with her at the local coffee shop and she’s obviously rattled. Then she drops the bomb, “I’m pregnant.” You’re a bro, but you are still a respectable human being and although you are visibly devastated you tell her, “What ever you choose, I’ll stand behind you.” What this really means is, “You better be getting a fucking abortion!” Honestly, the biggest bro-hater of all time is a baby. This means your bro life is over, and I wouldn’t wish that on my least favorite bro. Also, causing an abortion gives you some serious bro points.

So, as you can see, condoms are an unnecessary tool and I want to make an announcement that much like women burned their bras back in the ‘70’s I will be organizing a condom burning protest to take place at some point this summer. Please let me know if you can attend.

i hate pulling out, the best is when she thinks you are gonna pull out and you finish right inside her. there's always an awkward pause followed by the 'wait, did you just cum inside me?' the tone of her voice, coupled with the look on her face always makes me crack up. im glad i live on the second floor, because if a bra ever gives me the 'pregnancy' speech at my apt, i know i can always just push her down the stairs if the 'pregnancy' speech ever turns into the 'baby names' speech

On a side note: Pulling out can be made fun. For instance, if you're banging the girl doggy-style, you pull out just before cumming, spit on her back, cum in your hand, when she turns you hurl the seeds from your loin in her face while chanting "Spiderman, Spiderman!".

I think we all know pulling out is much easier said than done. Thats why all of you bros out there should ALWAYS have a back up plan in case the girl you slammed somehow makes a mistake and gets herself pregnant. In college, I was lucky enough to live pretty close to an abortion clinic, called the "Ashby Abortion Clinic." It was a gnarly flight of cement stairs that lead down to one of the Ashby Apartment parking lots. BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY BROS

After a wild night with a bra I made a bro of mine come with me to CVS to get the pill. While I was waiting in line he went and grabbed diapers and threw them at me from across the store yelling "if that shit doesnt work you are going to be needing these"....not funny

After drinking my face off with cranberry and vodka all day at Seaworld, me, my fellow bro and our two bras make the 2-hour trip home up I-95 in separate cars. I'm wasted, but I insist to drive home for one simple reason: roadhead. So as soon as we get on the highway the bra gets to it, but i'm so drunk after a half hour i can't finish with just roadhead, the bra has a small mouth and i'm just not feeling it. so i say, "hey, let's fuck", and being the tiny bra that she is she climbs on top of me and rides me while i'm driving plastered on the interstate. straight bro-status.

This year at college I was fucking this slam piece rawdogg, and when I was about to "unleash the hounds" I asked the slam piece where I should explode. She told me her stomach. But when I pulled out and went I intentionally aimed at her face. Your probably wondering if I was successful or not right? well to answer your question, the title bro-emperor was bestowed upon me that same night.

pulling out is the shit, slam's do not expect you to load on them so it is even more priceless. especially because then they have to clean your mess up. i cannot help but laugh thinking about what she is thinking in the moment when the load is in the air about to land on her chest.

im a huge fan of the morning after pill after deciding not to pull out(and its a decision bc tru bros dont premature ejac). when the girl gets upset about it and says "im already on the pill" i say "look, we both know that we dont want to know each other for the rest of our lives". She realizes then that im a fucking bro and dont give a fuck about her. I usually get the "i got it" text the day. P.S. It helps to know where the nearest planned pregnancy is so you can give them directions, cause bras cant use the internet unless its to shop

I keep a collection of Plan B in my sock drawer. if there is ever any question, i crush that shit up in a big glass of OJ for her the next morning. This alleviates any future contact with the whore slampiece and puts your mind at ease.

those kids in that band greek stuff love condoms when they have discovery channel specials on Saturday nights in their dorms senior year. pull n' go greatest. if you're doing real good pull the i'm hungry after and have her get you in her slampiece lexus from daddy and drive you to McD's for your post game breakfast special. bro-king gets it on daddy too.

hahah. wow. im a girl and this all this shit is hilarious. a girl shouldnt be dumb. if i were a guy i would take FULL advantage of the slut i was fucking. bitches who give it up like that deserve it. respect yourself. guys have all the power and that makes it way more fun. condoms = no fun. a random is a random and it stays that way. fuck for fun because it is fun :). if that bitch gets PG than she needs to deal with it, she souldnt be a fucking slut. dont spread your legs if you want to blame a guy for the consequences. sluts are sluts. but you have to agree that there is a girl out there for every guy and when that guy meets her he can change but until then...GUYS should fuck whoever, whenever because if I could and not be a skank, i would!!! i wish i were a guy for that matter only!!! fuck on bros!!!

k i went to this party with my bra and hit up the fridge to snake some classy natty, then post up for about 30 mins and realize a cop is chillin in the drive. get my bra hit the ford up cruzie to my house and realize the rents are home. fuck... but thats why they bought a tree house ha. throw in the dog get the nut toss a dip in and and go pass out while she drives her ass home.

Gotta go with the Lion King. Pull out, bust in your hand. Then tap her on her shoulder so she turns around. Then rub your thumb across her face and say "Simba!" bitches never expect it and if it gets in their hair, even better.

So i come back from college for thanksgiving so obviously i'm gonna get fucked up with my best bros from college. this girl we were friends with from high school decides to have a bunch of people over, so of course my friend has some bros over to pregame, we finish a couple thirties and a few handles and head over to this sluts house. we tap the keg because obviously the dumb bras dont know how. after playin some ruit and crushing the keg, i see the slut i used to fuck back in high school. she may have gained her freshmen 15 but i was lookin for a guaranteed nut. took her to the back room, fucked her raw dog busted inside of her because she said she was on the pill. talked to her this morning, said she wasnt on the pill,PLAN B- i punched her in the stomache and handed her a hanger. problem solved.

Im partial to the Rocky style. No pull out, no condom, no BC.You wake up the next morning and drill her in the pelvic area. She wakes up instantly, then you say "You shoulds SEEN the size of that spider?!"You come out looking like a hero for keeping her safe, and your friends can also avoid Babies R Us for your holiday shopping.

umm wow this is all great advice on how to make sure an STD spreads to the most people possible. By the time symptoms show up, you have already passed the STD on to tons of other people. Congratulations bros, thank you for disseminating horrible viruses for which most have no cure. Enjoy

Just wanted to thank you for mentioning my great school of JMU. I had a friend use her flex to buy said morning after pill. My girls and I love this site/you. Let us know if you every come to JMU and we will make sure you have a damn good time- Love from the girls in the Wayland Dorm

Sefirot,1. You are a fucking bro hater and a fag2. Bros are in fact impervious to STDS because bros are the shit and are too fucking bro to bang chicks with STDs3. You dont ever need to worry about STDs because you have only busted your nut to the image of your Warcraft character

Anytime I'm asked if I have a condom, i simply reply I'm a devout catholic and they are the devil's barrier. as the added bonus i get to pull out and give her my best cum shot...once you've seen a girls cumface you've seen her soul

Raw dawg every day, no pull out. Purchased season passes to a local amusement park for me and hole. We would stop by every other day and ride this bumpy ass old roller coaster. She named it the "MAP Coaster", short for morning after pill. Keeper.

I'm a bro that's 16 years old. I once had a chick suck on my balls with pops rocks in her mouth, then I busted in her mouth, she spit my swims into a glass of water, than drank that shit. Fuckin nice as shit and every bro should experience it

1. To protect the life of the mother2. If the baby is the child of guidos, hipsters, or any other kind of douchebags, because in that case the baby is better off dead than being raised by those kinds of people

at delta chi ride or die: First of all, Delta Chi is one of the most pussy fraternities at JMU. Those (I truely cannot all them bros) have never touched a slam piece in their life. But I went to jmu, that thing about the flex dollars is true.

welp, i have a story.i'm a bra. and i had a few handles of vodka with my best bra friends. we roadtripped to dc to help our one bra get laid by some jawn from home. at the end of the night i ended up in bed with one bro, and we started fucking, then he legit pulled out midfuck to get a condom. me, being blacked out, decided to let him know what a douche move that was, so he told me to go fuck his roommate. obviously he didn't realize who he was fucking (or not) so i stood up, said "on to the next one", and climbed in bed with his roommate. so "all bros hate condoms"- half true.

Woah woah woah, pump the brakes bra. To the bra with the slutbag story of traveling to a bros frat-like house just to fuck: #1 - How nasty looking are you bras that you have to roadtrip it to find bros who will still dip in there? Drunk, horny slampieces are usually high-ranked commodities for bros (we can practice new moves, and generally un-accepted maneuvers on you), unless you are so nasty that you can't find a bro to slamm it.#2 - The douche move was on your part for being so slutty that you confirm it yourself on the spot: "obviously he didn't realize who he was fucking (or not), so i stood up, said "on to the next one..."Maybe he DID know who he was fucking therefore decided catching ALL of the many stds that your nasty box hold was not worth the raw dog fuck. You sound like a bunch of good practice bras, or too-long virginity breakers. But please, if a bro WANTS to use a condom [take that as an insult and...] let him, we don't want to take any chances of keeping more of you in the gene-pool.

as a girl im pretty ok wit this cus its true fucking wit a condom SUCKS. but i take care of myself and make sure im on the pill. but if anything is to go worng all i want is for the bro to buy the morning after pill. thats my only request

I'm 22 and slammed not a bra but a true woman probably twice my age who not only squirted everywhere but also I managed to pull out, get the condom off in one swift move, and nut all over her tits and face while shouting "Blastoissse!!!" ala SuperSmash Bros.

You "bros" are all sad, pathetic, sexist pigs whose heads are up your assholes and you're probably afraid of women. Why else would you act like such asses? Get over the insecurity and stick with your right hand until you're ready to be decent to anyone else. Bros finish last.

Coming onto this site and posting about how terrible bros are... silly sluts, you fell right into the trap. It is SO satisfying to see you vent your frustrations on the internet. Thank you for the laughs.

jenny-you're a dumb bitch/bro-hater. pulling out is 100% effective. you probably just do it wrong because you're a bro-hater and all.. and bros dont worry about STDs/STIs because bros are immune to that shit. now do us all a favor and go back to the kitchen to make some sandwiches

I made 3 different slam pieces get the mornin after last semester, the consequence of being too shitfaced to even consider pulling out. Do you think I paid? Hell no. I just waited for the "its taken care of" text the following day. The best part is for one of these bitches i was completely blacked out--my roommate in the frat castle overheard our convo after i blew my load. Apparently she was freakin out that she wasnt on the pill while i just sat there and laughed. No memory of this. Dumb sluts.

Wow, this is horribly degrading and you all should be ashamed of yourselves. Women, you should bite the head off of any bro penis and spit it in his face. srsly. You shouldn't have to go thru that crap like abortion and ruin your life so some tool can get his nut

i know it may sound unorthodox to the bro style of life BUT ive been going steady with a hole for a while now... and that means i got her to go on the pill, no more condoms.. best of all, just gain her trust and then now shes all like "where do you wanna nut?" she lets me toss ropes anywhere i want on her, and i mean anywhere

What's this 'hot chicks don't have STDs' logic based on? You think that if she's that fine, she has more self-respect than the kind of chicks you think of as 'sluts' based on their ethnicity, drug preference or looks?

Well...if she's fucking YOU, what makes you think the girl wouldn't fuck someone else? Are you that full of yourselves that you think you're the only dick she's ever had? Girls who are 'hot' tend to be exactly the ones who use sex to get what they want in life and thus are less likely to have developed other options. These are precisely the girls most likely to leave you with herpes. (And you can't just take 'antibiotics, or some shit' for that. You get that forever. )

And don't let her fool you by looking or acting 'virginal'. They have figured out that dumb guys get attracted to the notion of being the only dick that a girl ever had in her, they teach each other how to appear virginal and how to not say things that will give their game away. The hotter she is, the more wary you ought to be. Sorry guys, that's just life.

1) How much bro cred does one earn for banging a mail order Russian bride? (note: the bro in question did not order the Russian slampiece)

2) How much bro cred is earned for receiving a Ballcuzi or Ballkuzee? (note: the slampiece used for this endeavor was not a girlfriend. Also, if you have never heard of this amazing feat, you're bro cred can and should be questioned.)

there was a study about swingers and it turns out the people who fuck the most, have NO STDs and use condoms all the time. so for all you "bros" out there talking about how you would never use a condom, it's probably because no woman would ever fuck you in the first place.

I was bangin this slampiece raw dog in the front seat of her car at Lake Havasu on spring break. When it was time to unleash the hounds, I pulled out and sprayed in her door panel. Got out the car and dipped out..... Cadillac BROugham!!!! Chea !

Hahaha hell yea, gotta agree w my bro above....use a fake name and a fake phone number if she asks for it. Pump the bitch full of my baby juice and if she ends up prego i dont hear about it. Nothin better than unleashing in a hot slam peice.

You 'bros' need to grow up and take responsibility for what you do. It won't kill you to use a condom when you want it. Pull-out works if you getlucky. God. You guys are the ones that giveurge actual good guys a bad name. Sick, irresponsible, selfish perverts. You disgust me.

Bros bang however they feel like it, whenever they feel like it. And chicks let us do it bareback because they get off on the feeling of having a true bro-load in their snatch. You're just bitter because slampieces recognize you as the cuddle-bitch that you are and never give you any of that sweet 'tang.

That hot brunette from campus that you've been dying to profess your love to but can't work up the courage to ask out? Yeah, I already took her to pound town twice last week and probably will again this weekend. I don't even know her name - she's listed in my phone as "36C, Swallows". My entire Bro crew will have hit that snizz multiple times before you so much as get to first base.

While you're listening to your John Mayer albums and jerking off to her Facebook profile, I'm rawdogging her ass six ways from sunday, and then leaving to go back to the party before she's even done getting dressed. You think she's offended? Well, probably - but she'll still be back for another round because slampieces love Bro pole.

What are you even doing here? The page is called "Bros Like This Site", not "Emo Bitches Like This Site". GTFO of here, pussy.

I am confused on why all these bro-haters come to this site to post their shitty bro hatting comments I only raw dog it condoms are for homos. In fact I am going to dedicate this weekend to all the bro-haters who are just upset because they don't make condoms small enough to fit there bro-hater tic-tac sized cocks and slay as many slampieces as humanly possible and i am def gonna throw the fake name and number. since it is the best form of birth control out there.

what the fuck is with all these bro haters? you people are so oblivious to the realities of the world. First: as bros are the smartest beings in existance. we are never wrong. Second: We are immune to all forms of STDs and STIs, so stop posting that shit. Third, the bitches that we are fucking are too stupid to be worth anything in life, other than to suck our dicks and make us sandwiches, because they are, in fact, bitches. you bro haters just dont understand. you can go write a hole some sappy love song, she'll pretend to be happy, but then she comes to my place and fucks me while making me a fucking sandwich. and condoms? condoms are for the fucking weak. she gets prego, thats her fault for not taking precautions, like the pill. honestly, all you bro haters do is provide amusement for us bros who actually know which end is up in this world. that end is usually your bitches ass, where we just dropped an unprotected load. suck it. bros are the fucking best.

I'm not down with hating anybody, but I'm gonna be labeled a bro-hater for this. I say this with the deepest concern for your health and safety. If you ignore the need for condoms and hook up with as many "bras" as you damn well please, somewhere along the line you will most likely have a searing pain or disgusting wart population take over you dick. If you know the girl is clean, these strategies should work out alright for you. But for a one night stand, everything about this article will lead to a shriveled, pock-marked dick. Good luck getting head after that. Peace bros

So me and my bro were tagging these two bras in our separate rooms when I bro came in and made me write the name of his slampiece in marker on his arm so he could remember her name. Needless to say I just wrote SLUT. Bros will be bros.

if you fuck a slut and she's okay with your not using a condom, I hate to break it to you but it probably means she's ok with other bros fucking her w/o one, and that she has at least a few STDs. condoms suck but they're way better than making a bro come with you down to the student health center only to find out the bitch gave you gonnahorea just cuz you didn't wanna wear one.

I've caused more abortions than Octomom has kids. I could have probably fielded a little league baseball team with all my unborn children.

Abortion, or should I say, aBROtion, is bro as fuck.

Even slampieces are down with using abortion as birth control. One chick I banged in college never used the pill. When I asked her why, this is what she told me:

"Abortion is actually cheaper. Birth control ends up costing about $350 a year with insurance. The PP clinic near campus does an abortion for $240. Statistically, you'll get knocked up about once a year banging without contraception, so you'll save a little over $100 annually by going au naturale. That's a lot of beer money."

This is site is giving men such horrible advice it should honestly be shut down. Drugging the girl without her knowing? Wow "bro" you are pretty sweet. Fucking grow a pair and use a rubber. The pull out method is great but seeing that all you "bros" can't handle your shit, it causes a risk. Go ahead and keep fucking unprotected but once you get an std, don't say know one never warned you. Please all you bros out there make yourselves un-anonymous so us "bras" can make sure to stay far....FAR away. Thank you.

Agree with some of the above posters. The best form of birth control is giving a fake name and number. If she ends up preggo, whatever. Not like I have to deal with it. Planned Parenthood can take care of that shit.

Once I'm out the door, for all purposes the slampiece no longer exists. The Pound Town Express doesn't do return trips - it's strictly a one-way ride, and I've got a lot of other stops to make.

whoa bros..... i hate to be the fuckin downer and all.... but take it from a 19 yr old father of twins.... pulling out doesnt work lmao next thing u know ur bro life means joining the marine corps. USE A CONDOM.

BROS= the most unintelligent, self loathing, hegemonic people on this earth. not to mention the blatant racism of this exclusive group. EVERY BRO IS BULLSHIT. I don't know who you "bros" think you are that you can treat girls this way, but I can tell you one thing. The way you live, if it hasn't already, will make you uglier then you are now and the way you treat women will make you lonely for the rest of your life. P.S. as a girl, I know that "bros" use tricks like this. we aren't naive, you aren't pulling new shit with us, NEWS FLASH: WE KNOW. and we don't care because just as much as you want to be with us we don't want to have to look at your ass face all day.

^Shut the fuck up, slamcunt. The time you spent typing that pathetic feminazi bullshit is time that could have been spent doing something useful, like sucking dick or making a sandwich. Take your top off and get back in the goddamn kitchen. And then go upstairs to the bedroom and bend over - I like to fuck after my afternoon meal.

Yeah, have to disagree NYB; when I attended Purdue University I roomed with a guy that slammed so much pussy even the ROTC guys were pissed. However, he slammed without a condom once; now he has herpes. Dude dropped out of college and joined the navy because of all the drugs/alcohol. From experience it looks like his days of nailing pussy are over; because whenever one goes to Gurnee Mills out of Chicago those Navy Guys never score guaranteed. They walk around acting like they own the place; but women only put out for guys that got jobs/money. Not badmouthing the military; but seriously bitches like money.Stay in school slam that shit safely!

As an Arizona SAE Bro I've nailed more than my fair share of "respectable" chicks without cramming my impeccable shaft into that latex shit. Going into my senior year these "educated" women know that its probably not the worst thing in the world if I get them pregnant...if you really think about it, they're the ones that benefit in the long run: the baby of their dreams and a future full of sandwich making, laundry doing and country club chilling. I hope all of you fellow bros out there enjoy the upcoming fall semester. Brohaters suck a dick and thanks for making me look so good.

i'm a bra, and there's nothing better than taking a couple ropes to the tummy, or the back (as long as proper clean up is offered)

and as far as getting the permission to rawdog goes, persistence is key. usually only the INITIAL answer is a 'no.' but when a bro uses persistence and particularly hot foreplay, a 'yes' is sure to follow.

Hey bro-haters,Guess what? Chicks do bang us because we're attractive alpha males. You say you want the whiny little bitch kind of guy, but sucks to be him because time and time again he's not the guy you go home with. So you're being hypocritical. Don't hate on us for that.

And the only situation a bro can have a "girlfriend" is one where your bitch can party and drink like one of the boys, likes anal, and lets you sleep with anyone else you want (and is open to threesomes). A girlfriend like mine I would consider acceptable. The only chick I actually enjoy keeping company with. What say the rest of the bros on this?

how about this story, no bullshit here. I needed to assure myself everything was ok after a night of banging. I text the girl and tell her im at work and i really need her to go buy the pill (I could have easily done it on my lunch break but didnt feel like going through the awkward purchase). So she agrees to do so with some resistance. I make her text me a picture of the actual pills with the box and a receipt confirming the purchase. Never paid her back either, I truly felt like a bro in that moment.

The pill has a dark side. It makes women more attracted to effeminate men because the hormones in the pill make them less alpha-seeking (bro) by tricking the bras body into thinking it's preggers: wanting a more nuturing pussified mate. Look that shit up and learn to pull out.

Our main job as girls or bras is to please our man as best we can, and if sex without condom is better then we should be happy to be fucked without condoms by a bro. a man should be able to demand satisfaction from his bra whenever, wherever he desires. and as a bra i really respect and understand that.

i am on birth control and i always let bros fuck me without condoms. my bf always says that a man's cum should be sacred to a girl, so if he cums inside me or on my face i should thank him. i also make sure to swallow every drop of his cum :)if something goes wrong i get the morning after pill myself. it shouldn't be a bro's job to take care of these small things. after all he took the time out of his busy day to fuck me, i could at least do my part and not trouble him. if i get pregnant, i will ask the bro for permission, if he says i can get an abortion then i would.

Ight, so, imma chick, and well. 99% of these work. If you're going to fuck, then do it! Don't stress it. Her issues, she can fix it. I've probably ever taken the day after pill once. You puke just as bad as a light weight after a party. Fuck that. Just deal with being covered in cum, it makes it fun. (;