‘Police Squad’ lives!; no-show beat goes on

“Surely there is no funnier TV show on DVD. There isn’t, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That’s the Internet Movie Database’s take on Tueday’s long-overdue DVD release of “Police Squad!,” the hilarious 1982 cop-show spoof that starred Leslie Nielsen fresh off of “Airplane!” Alas, the show, which marked Nielsen’s debut as clueless detective Frank Drebin never caught on — it was canceled after a paltry six episodes. Call it the “Firefly” of the ’80s.

Nielsen’s Drebin and “Police Squad” did find success on the big screen, but the “Naked Gun” movies sometimes strained to maintain the comic pace. The 30-minute TV show had no such problems. Itwas tight, funny and had great sight gags — like Nielsen and a bad guy shooting it out from behind barrels maybe, oh, 10 feet apart.

And funny lines, like Nielsen going undercover at a locksmith shop to smoke out a Mob protection racket and being told by a sinister-looking enforcer, “It’d be a shame if something bad happened to your little key store.” “Leave my little keister out of it,” Nielsen shot back.

Movie/DVD notes:

Sorry to sound like a broken record, but the no-show bug has bitten again. This time, it’s “The Return,” a supernatural thriller starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, that’s afraid of those big, bad critics. I think we’re up to 30 on the 2006 no-show list. I’m certainly as tired of writing about it as you are reading it, but you need to know why the movie you’ve seen advertised on TV and in the previews in theaters doesn’t have an opening-day review.

Here’s a movie that might have some publicity issues. Opening in New York and L.A. Friday is a documentary called — uh, how should I put this? — “(F-word).” Or maybe “Firetruck” without the “-iretr-.”

Yes, it’s a documentary about the origin of the expletive, and yes it presents problems. You can’t exactly put the name on a marquee or in an ad in a mainstream newspaper. We’ll see if it ever makes it to S.A. I’m guessing no.

By all accounts, Democrat Phil Angelides will get his butt kicked tomorrow by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the governor’s race in California. One thing he could do — grab copies of Ah-nuld’s much-panned 1986 action flick “Raw Deal” as soon as it appears in video stores Tuesday and show it outside key polling places. Leonard Maltin’s 2007 Movie Guide called it “stupid.”