About Dr. Science

For a man who weighs over 300 pounds, who is well past the prime of his life, who has neither bathed nor dabbled in social intercourse for over a decade, Dr. Science is surprisingly normal. Despite his girth and the aroma that follows him around his secret laboratory, the Fortress of Arrogance, Dr. Science presents an attractive and wholesome picture of the scientist at work.

Work is his life. The great academician has no other interests than those subjects that can be studied by Science. And for a man with a scope as broad and wide as the Midwestern prairie, that includes everything under the sun as well as a few misshapen blobs in a dark corner of the cellar.

Aided and abetted by the aging graduate student Rodney, Dr. Science has forged light years ahead of his peers. Envied by Linus Pauling, despised by Jherri Redding, and once enmeshed in a love/hate thing with Carl Sagan, Dr. Science stands head and shoulders above a dandruff-laden crowd. Both friendless and well-loved, he is an enigma wrapped in a lab coat.

Where did Dr. Science come from?

Dr. Science first arrived on the science scene in 1985. Rumor has it that he grew up in the vast cornfields of Iowa but details on this and other questions of origin are sketchy. Earliest reports place him in the company of that motley crew of merrymakers, the Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre.

I want to help Dr. Science resurrect his career and hire him to work for me on a special project. How do I contact him?

You can email Dr. Science at danieljosephcoffey@hotmail.com

But please don’t use that address to ask him Science Questions. After thirty years of working for free his attitude is “been there, done that.”

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