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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Something Wicked This Way Comes

(Pictured: "Show Me", the Orange Bomber eliminated from RCOL2)

My bad, my bad, my bad. I must confess something, True Believers.

Before I wash myself of sin, let me tell you that I am attempting to refine my oft-randomness. I have created another blog, I am calling it Reality Bytes. While not everyone enjoys my musings and rants at VH1 (the channel that airs most of my favorites reality shows), there is a group that does. So I'm going to siphon off all my Reality TV related bloggings there, and keep this one more about my musical and personal journeys. This advice comes from @problogger on Twitter. If you're on Twitter and a blogger, this guy is an excellent resource. I'm going to see if I like running multiple blogs on specific subjects instead of one blog on every subject.

So this blog is my last reality-tv-related blog here.

The other day on UStream I got a chance to ask @riskybizness23 if she thought I should watch the new "Real Chance Of Love 2: Back In the Saddle". She was a lady, she didn't badmouth them, but she didn't give them a ringing endorsement, either. So I thought about it, and decided that I would check it out just to see if things were really going to be as bad as I thought they would.

Oh-Em-Gee. Let me tell you, this makes Charm School 3 look like a tea party, and we are only one episode in.

I watched the first season intently. I had my favorites right away. Well, in all honesty I had my most contemptable right away, Ms. Ki-Ki. I strongly disliked her and Bay Bay Bay (all opinions have softened since, the girls really used the notoriety to become better people, especially Bay x3), and I felt immediately invested because I thought Real deserved a "real" shot (that opinion has also turned). It's pretty clear this time around that we are not supposed to like Real or Chance. They are pretty committed to the asshole character much like Megan (we'll come back to her).

Let's not beat around the bush here... The Stallionaires (back-of-throat-vomit) make no secret about their love for wrestling, making the girls put on a show for them in season one and repeating it again in season two (what did Don Cheadle's character in "Ocean's Twelve" say? "You don't do the same gag again, you move on to the next gag...") and that's what this show is from jump.

I stated previously I would question the intentions or intelligence of a woman who would go on that show knowing the men they were dealing with. Everybody on this show should automatically be enrolled in Charm School 4 on default, especially the winner. These guys have their 15-Minutes up against the headboard, ankles behind the neck, literally. They don't want relationships. They are on the groupie/hootchie/skeezer/bopper trail, And the casting directors did not disappoint.

I can't remember the nicknames yet, but there were those who made theirs known by being the auspicious first two eliminated. The regular reality-show format is the mass-eliminations on the first night, but before the Gonad Council, "Vegas", the sassy-mouth chick from (wait for it...) Vegas decided that she was going to push "Show Me" (yeah, the girl from Missouri. These guys don't waste brain cells on nickname creativity) by calling her a transvestite and throwing a drink at her.

In certain circles, you can expect certain behavior. In my city, you throw a drink in somebody's face, be ready for the chairs to start flying. If you are from the South, well-known fighting words are "Hey, I'm From Missouri." Which means, "You gon' have to show me." As in "Bitch, I'ma beat yo' ass" "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm from Missouri." Somebody should have told the stupid Vegas girl.

Show Me gave Vegas the drunk girl headlock and showed her why some girls down here wear over-sized rings... it's like a brass knuckle, people. Old school. Homegirl got her domepiece split, drew blood and all. Well, unless you're on The Ultimate Fighter or the Contender, that's the Ultimate See-Ya-Wouldn't-Wanna-Be-Ya Move. In what I considered an attempt at gaining "control" (in this case, that word is so relative), Real and Chance decided that they would eliminate them both, Show Me for throwing the punches and Vegas for (very obviously) baiting her. Might keep some of the more out-of-bounds drama (like KiKi calling Lusty's deceased mother a "...bitch when she had you...") to a minimum.

This show, is bad. I mean, really bad. I thought "Tool Academy" was going to be bad, but it immediately became an "Oh-Shit"-Fest (like "Hi, I'm Sean's Girlfriend of six years..." when he's sitting there with his 'girl' of 6 months? Oh shit!), and it was fun(ny). Ain't none of that going on here. Right after this show was over (I really felt like I needed a shower after), "Megan Wants A Millionaire" came on and I very nearly ran screaming from the room. There are millionaires out there who actually want to date Megan? I'd hoped she might disappear for awhile after the (way overdue) beatdown @ the hands of Sharon Osbourne at the "Charm School 2" reunion. During Risky's UStream the question was posed about the CS3 Reunion and she said they decided not to have one. Could that be why? People wanting to get at Brittney Star that bad? Real and Chance have managed to do in 1 season what it took Flavor Flav took two seasons to do: be reduced to bad wrestling. Yeah, wrestling is fake, we know this, but guys like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson made you enjoy it. When it's fake and it bad... Ooo. Get some Febreze, ya' stinkin' up tha' joint.

Anyway, that's enough from me... Got music to finish. What, you thought all I did was watch reality tv?

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