I've been posting updates on Twitter, but Twitter is stupid and soulless and many of you (understandably) don't use it, so I thought it would be prudent to give you guys an update here as well.

Okay, so remember when I almost died? That happened again, but not as bad this time. The last couple days have been like playing "Guess Who"with diseases, but I'm pretty sure my doctors finally figured out what's wrong with me and it probably doesn't have anything to do with my heart, which is good. The heart weirdness is most likely a benign genetic anomaly that is unrelated to the fainting, fevers, low blood pressure, and abdominal pain.

Anyway, I finally decided to make a fan page for this blog on Facebook as a way to give updates like this without having to make a whole new post about it:

If you're looking for medical details, that's where they'll be posted. I'm doing it this way because I understand that some of you are squeamish and I didn't want to be like "Hey! Guess what's wrong with my organs?!" and then have you be all "Holy crap, why would you tell me that without any warning?"

You're welcome.

Edited to add: You can still view the Facebook page without having to get your own Facebook account. Yay! Also, there's a tab that let's you choose to see only comments from me or comments from everybody. If you're looking for information, it might be easiest to click the "Only Hyperbole and a Half" tab.

Eek. I know what having 239489328 things wrong with you but being a mystery to doctors is like. Feel better! And don't die. That would put a damper on my life.

PS I was the 5th person to like the fan page :D I feel so much ahead of all the other fans. So much ahead, in fact, that I feel the need for my smiley face to grow a handle bar mustache to denote exactly how far ahead of the other fans I am. :{D

I hoping that at some point there will be a series of drawings of your organs in revolt. Maybe the heart could be wearing a little DNA hat and a shirt that says 'I "me" Allie'. (this sounded like a much better idea inside my head)

I thought about wishing you well. Then I laughed at the wishing well verbiage.So I thought about praying for you. Then I recalled I'm an atheist and laughed again.So then I thought about sending you money. I laughed because that seems whorish.Finally I decided to comment here instead and suggest a zip tie to help your ovaries get over their fixation on causing you pain. You know its funny, because your ovaries never caused ME pain. Hrm....

Glad you're not dead, and while I love your posts, I'm okay with you concentrating on figuring out what's going on and how to handle instead of keeping me entertained. (Don't you feel better knowing you have my permission?)

Jeesh- I just spent three days reading all your back posts, and a whole few minutes putting you on my blog- so if you die, I'll be pissed! what a waste of time. Like having your favorite author die mid book series.

Glad to hear from you. I had wondered if you another episode with the dying thing. I haven't looked at the FB fan page yet, but it's good to hear that they finally have found more information into what is going on with your body.

Seriously, are folks e-mailing you asking "R U dead?" Questions like this are so contradictory they always make my brain hurt; and often also cause a fatal error in my logic system so I need to reboot before being able to operate normally:-- other examples include: --* R U sleeping?* your mouth is full of what?* (on the phone) I can't talk right now. O_o* (on the phone) Can u talk right now?* so you're not gonna talk to me, are you?

My husband and I just started reading your blog last week. Love it, but was beginning to worry that we killed it. Always the last on the bandwagon and all. Its good to know that isn't actually the case, and hope you get to feeling better.

Please feel better, Allie! It's important to follow things through with doctors, even if one tells you it's nothing to worry about. I had surgery for an adrenal tumor that made extra adrenaline (called a pheochromocytoma) this March after feeling awful for more than a year!

Stay on top of those doctors. Find one who truly cares about your well-being... like we do. :-)

I was wondering when you were going to have your own fan page on FB! I have been telling so many people about your blog. Actually, I reserve the blog recommendation only for people I find funny or intelligent. I think your humor is a notch above the rest & can't be wasted on the lame! I hope everything about your insides is figured out soon!

I just wanted to let you know that between this post, and your previous one, I was able to read your entire blog. You know what that means? It means you need to update more often! Though I do follow you on Twitter, the tweets didn't quite suffice. Glad you're not dead!

Hope you feel better soon! Apparently on House, it's never lupus, so it probably won't be for you either, which is good. For me, it turned out to be really weird lupus, which is just typical. Anyway, look forward to hearing all the grisly details!

So glad you are not dead. It was starting to seem like a possibility. Prodigious blogger goes away without warning....what else would one think. In fact I did think that but I do tweet and I did see your tweets and I kept reminding myself of that. Because ghosts don't tweet probably.

Glad for the updates. I'm thinking you've got to be getting some good blog material out of the scads of medical professionals you've seen. Okay, not really a bright spot, but I'm looking for the positive in this to make you feel better. Dang. WWSND? (what would spaghatta Nadle do?)

You better not die!!! your blog is my crack...and I really don't want to get on the REAL CRACK if you die!!! SO FOR THE SAKE OF ME BEING DRUG FREE, you need to stay alive. p.s. tell your doctor if you die there will lots of crazy cyber fans who will hunt his/her ass down and make him/her pay for our lack of daily laughter for the rest of our lives!

Hey, I'm from Brasil (or "Brazil", if the first one sounds like a terrible grammatical mistake for you) and I just wanted to tell you that you're funny. Which means that you're funny pretty much everywhere. :D

Selfishly, I live in the hope that you will find creating art a great way to take your mind off of health worries and pain. Other than that, I hope you have good docs and that you feel better and get actually WELL. I mean like healthy WELL.

Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling good. As a creep, I think I heard somewhere that you're all sick and everything because of ovarian cysts. Well, if that's right, I like to think I'm the leading expert on those things cause I have four of those mutant mofos residing in my right ovary. (One is a friggin beast, too!) I'm sorry you have to go through that nasty pain they like to cause. It is not fun at all. I hope they fix it all soon and that you are feeling better real quick!

For some reason I could find everything except the actual explanation of what has happened to you, but I gather it has something to do with exploding lady bits.

I am so, so sorry you have exploding lady bits, Allie. That really can't be fun.

Don't you worry about your fans, here. Just get better. We'll keep checking in. My 11-year-old daughter and I will just wile away the time tahkahg lahk Spahgahtti Nahddle. Yes, I let her read your blog, but I made her promise not to use *those* words until she's 16.

Glad to see you're still alive. I do know you're alive because your writing talent is better than that of the average zombie. If you were a zombie, I would have to call my friend and put our Zombie Apocalypse plan into action (yeah, we have one.) Which would probably involve your death, unless we could de-zombify you (we're working on it.) So in conclusion, stay alive. Yeah.

OMG--I'm so glad you aren't dead! I have been blog-stalking you for a while now and when I didn't find anything new for you I admit that I was a little mad at you. I guess I have to forgive you now right?

Please get better. Now.J Doe(But really, I'm so sorry you aren't feeling 100%, and I'm sorry I was mad at you for it! Can we be friends?)

One time I passed out for what felt like no reason after walking down the street to get coffee, and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital, and the doctors told me I had a dangerously irregular heartbeat. I had to stay in the hospital for a day while they monitored me until some genius finally figured out that passing out had MADE my heartbeat irregular temporarily, and not the other way around. Maybe that's what happened to you? I'm glad you're feeling better now.

Dear Allie, I'm glad you're not dead. The internet would suck a lot more if you were to leave us!And thank you for your facebook update page, twitter is evil, and I will not be a part of it, but, finally, now I can follow you on the (slightly) less evil facebook! WOOHOO!!!!

I tried emailing you a hug...a totally platonic, not-stalkerish, hanging-you-on-a-hook-in-my-room-like-a-poster-of-my-favorite-band, hug, but my digitized self was too large to fit as an attachment, so I'll just leave a comment.

I am really glad that you are not dead, 'cause that would really suck. Tell your body to stop trying to kill you. Offer your organs sweets and treats in return for good behaviour. Bribe them with dessert and designer tampons if you must.

Remember, if laughter truly is/was the best medicine, all doctors would be Patch Adams...but..you know......funny. :D

omg wait...so your blog is funny, etc, blah, but I ALSO have "fainting, fevers, low blood pressure, and abdominal pain." but not the fainting. But the rest. I've never bothered asking a professional about them together though...and in isolation professionals don't find them very entertaining. I hope you find out what those are caused by and post it here so I can diagnose myself based on your diagnosis!

Um. I just noticed that every time I scroll to the bottom of your blog and see the friendly hairy dude that says hello, I say hello back.

P.S. No more almost dying, please.

Wait... Er...I don't mean that in the "almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" way that means almost isn't good enough. I mean don't do anymore things that in anyway resemble the feeling or appearance of death or impending death.