The updated, Catholic edition of her book The Thrill of the Chaste tackles the epidemic of ‘existential loneliness’ and living joyfully the present moment.

SARAH REINHARD

Last last year, Ave Maria Press released an updated Catholic edition of Dawn Eden’s The Thrill of the Chaste. Eden spoke with me in depth about this new edition and how it’s both different and better than what it was before.

I didn’t read the original edition of The Thrill of the Chaste, Dawn. I gather, though, that this edition is much different. Would you highlight those differences and explain why it was so important to you to write this updated version?

To me, the Catholic edition of The Thrill of the Chaste is truly a new book. Even the material I retained from the first edition feels new, because the whole atmosphere of the book has changed, casting a different light on my earlier reflections.

The most noticeable change is that The Thrill is no longer targeted to women. When I wrote the original edition, I was still very new to chastity and didn’t feel competent to address men on the subject. But after The Thrill came out in 2006, I regretted limiting its perspective, because so many male readers told me, “We need a book like this for us!”

Then there’s the fact that this new Thrill truly is a Catholic book, unlike the original — and I don’t just mean it has extra added mortifications. Actually, it has no additional mortifications, unless you count the reference to the story about St. Benedict rolling around naked in a rosebush — and I do warn against trying that at home.

No, what makes this new Thrill Catholic is that it has a sacramental worldview that was entirely lacking from the original, which I wrote prior to entering into full communion with the Church. I now discuss chastity within the larger context of saints, sacraments, vocation and the whole life and prayer of the Church. Honestly, looking back, I’m amazed I managed to even begin living chastely before I entered into the rhythms of the Eucharist and confession.

As for the different feel of the new Thrill, one fan of the original edition wrote that she liked the Catholic edition even better because it goes deeper than the “how-tos.” As she put it, “It’s less about why you should keep your clothes [on], and how to go about doing that, and more about why the world’s version of love pales in comparison to God’s.”

Who most needs to read your book? Who were you writing for? I ask, in part, because, as I read it, you spoke straight to my heart, so eloquently and deftly.

My prime audience is single Catholic adults who have been chewed up, swallowed and spit out by the dating culture. Having missed the memo on abstinence, they are now seeking a happier way to live and love than what society is offering them. I want them to have the kind of book that I wish had been there for me when divine grace brought me to want to bring my lifestyle in line with God’s will.

But in a larger sense, The Thrill of the Chaste is for everyone who suffers from existential loneliness — which, I think, really means everyone. Deep down, we all long for a person who understands us and loves us perfectly. But even if we find our soulmate in marriage, sooner or later, like the Cher song says, we all sleep alone. What do we do when we realize that no human being will truly satisfy us?

I write for people who suffer this tension of living in the “now and not yet,” and I seek to give them hope through reflecting on how, even in this world, we can experience a foretaste of Christ’s transfiguration of our bodies, as the Catechism says (1000). We experience it through our participation in the Eucharist, in which Christ gives us his own embodied love and shows us how to embody that same divine love to others.

You mention having a moment where you realize the pleasure principle is trumped by the “tomorrow principle.” Why is this so foundational to how you live chastely? How does this continue to impact how you live your life now?

I introduce the tomorrow principle in the first chapter of The Thrill of the Chaste, describing how it helped me resist temptation when I first began trying to live chastely. It is the opposite of the pleasure principle. With the pleasure principle, the passions push the mind to choose that which will bring the most immediate pleasure. With the tomorrow principle, the mind rules against the passions, choosing that which will bring lasting joy. Because I don’t just want to be happy today; I want to be happy “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.”

I think it’s very important that people realize that true Christians aren’t anti-pleasure. We’re pro-joy, and because of that, we’re willing to defer or forgo temporary pleasures in order to attain the fulfillment that we were made for.

As to how the tomorrow principle affects my current life, I think it helps me to be more patient with myself at times when I feel I have been struggling against the same sinful tendency for a long time. I can look back now at all the times I resisted falling back into a particular sin and see that every time I resisted, it brought me greater virtue. That’s encouraging, and it’s the sort of insight that one can have only in retrospect.

At one point, you say, “Chastity is so out, it’s in.” Why do you think this topic has become such a hot topic? Why is this a topic people should read about, i.e., in your book (instead of just googling or reading chastity blogs)?

Chastity is in because it’s rebellious. Practically the entire culture — certainly the whole of mainstream media, driven by advertising — is geared toward reducing human persons to objects. The chaste individual bucks the system because he or she refuses to buy into this culture of objectification. When we choose to be chaste, we assert our dignity as human persons, whose value is in who we are — not what we do or have done to us, what we wear or what we own.

As far as why it’s better to read a book like mine than to just search online or read chastity blogs, I’ve got nothing against blogs; parts of the original Thrill first appeared on my own Dawn Patrol. But I think that a person who wants to make real and lasting change in his or her life needs to have an in-depth resource that can be consulted and reflected upon over time — a bedside companion, if you will, but of the chaste variety.

Singular women, you claim, are revolutionary. Tell us about your concept of a singular woman — why that idea is so liberating and how it plays into the chaste life.

Well, hold on a moment — I don’t mean to say men can’t be singular or revolutionary. The only reason I refer to the “singular woman” in the chapter on “Becoming a Singular Sensation” is to avoid pronoun trouble; otherwise, I could just as well have written “singular man.” But, yes, I do say that it is a revolutionary act to be singular — instead of being a mere lonely little single.

The distinction is that the culture wants to keep those of us who are unmarried thinking we are “single.” Being “single” implies being in a state of lack, like being yin without yang. People who define themselves by what they lack make great targets for advertisers, who are all too eager to try to sell them things to fill the empty space. But they aren’t great candidates for happiness, because their sense of always missing out leads them to bitterness and resentment.

On the other hand, if we counter the culture by thinking of ourselves not as merely “single,” but as “singular,” we define ourselves not by what we lack, but by what we have: a relationship with God. Having a relationship with God, I may be unmarried, I may have feelings of loneliness, but I know in my heart that I am not truly alone. Rather, I am “alone with” — alone with God, bonded to him in love, and that means I am connected to everyone God loves. That gives my life a new kind of fullness and even a sense of adventure.

Many, many people have bought into the lie of unchaste living. What cure is there for them?

The cure for them begins when they ask themselves if they are happy. At a certain point, the person who has any kind of unhealthy habit or addiction realizes that he or she will never be satisfied. It’s at that point that such people have a chance of salvation, if they open themselves up to the realization that the road they have chosen is preventing them from attaining the happiness they seek. Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen calls that point the moment of “black grace” — the grace of fed up-ness that can lead to the “white grace” of conversion.

Your chapter on living in the present moment struck me as being so very tangible and relevant to all of us now. How does your experience of chaste living continue to challenge you to experience and appreciate the present moments and the graces God gives you in those moments?

In The Thrill of the Chaste (Catholic Edition), I characterize chastity as a ministry of presence — learning how to be present for others as God is always present for me. My capacity for joy is growing as I learn how to better be present for people.

For example, I am continually trying to improve at learning how to listen to people without interrupting them, how to respond to what they say, rather than changing the subject, and how to enjoy a moment or a meal with another person without being the first to begin to leave. As I work to build up those good habits, I find that I am appreciating others more and having better intimacy with them.

Chastity never has been “in” and it never will be. People like sex. People having sex like to tell people who aren’t that it’s no big deal but I don’t see them stopping having sex.

Posted by Bill Russell on Friday, Jul, 10, 2015 2:03 PM (EST):

I’d like to think that you are right, but from the vantage point of where I live, you seem to be on a different planet. Promiscuity is exponential, and most young people could not even spell chastity, let alone practice it.

Posted by Kim on Thursday, Jul, 9, 2015 4:16 PM (EST):

@ Sophie: Your complaints are valid, and I say that as a married Catholic Mom with 3 kid. Here’s a tip…don’t look to your local parish to fill your social needs…look to it to give you the spiritual strength to then go out into the world, go find single friends you have something in common with and take your Catholic world view out into the world. Parishes for the most part are pretty dis-functional right now, especially given that you have 70% of Catholics not even believing simple teachings of the Church, like marriage or the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. The sacraments will do what they are supposed to do, in spite of the disobedience of so many priests and bishops…so take advantage of those, focus on becoming the person God wants you to be, discern the vocation He has planned for you, and the pieces will fall into place…whatever those pieces are meant to be. Whatever you do…stay away from the gossipy, mean spirited Catholic moms or married folks at your parish. I try to stay away from them too!

Posted by Jane B on Thursday, Jul, 9, 2015 1:28 PM (EST):

Sophie, I hear your frustration and pain. I’m an older single female, so I can speak to you in ways that married folks can’t. Here’s what I want you to think about: you clearly have the drive and passion for the frustrating situation in which many singles find themselves. Is it possible that God is laying before you the beginnings of an apostolate to faithful Catholic singles? Maybe YOU are that blogger, organizer, friend of singles that the Church so needs to reach out to this group. Maybe it is just at the local level…or maybe that’s just where it starts. Catholic singles groups don’t have to be “meat markets,” which has been my overwhelming experience of such groups. The Church apparently doesn’t know what to do with singles who aren’t called to the Consecrated or Ordained life and does seem to see us as anomalies. But it is better to be single than to settle for less than God’s best for us in a mate. God bless you!

Posted by Mary Carter on Thursday, Jul, 9, 2015 9:59 AM (EST):

If I had been raised Catholic and know what I know now, my entire life would be different. I am over 70 and it does get easier, But in my youth I was “looking for love in all the wrong places” and I paid for it dearly. Perhaps even those who are rebellious and join the evil doers of the world will get tired of it and change their lives. Since our country and the world seems out of control these days, I think it is time for major changes and a time for a return to holiness.

Posted by Vance on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 7:37 PM (EST):

Thank you Dawn. During the 1980’s the President and Mrs. Reagan lead a campaign on Chastity. I remember how it gained a tremendous amount of momentum. President Bush the elder didn’t continue the effort but did not oppose it. President Clinton wiped his feet on it. It’s refreshing to see folks like yourself ministering in such a wonderful way.

Posted by Sophie Evans on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 7:26 PM (EST):

I’m just getting so fed up with the Catholic blogosphere when it comes to talking about Catholic singles. If anyone remembers we exist then it’s just to slander us and talk about how we aren’t living Catholic lives. I know there are plenty of single “Catholic” people who aren’t living chaste lives but there are tons of us who are and are ROUTINELY ignored by parishes, Catholic bloggers, and our supposed friends. According to you guys we’re all living frivolous, spontaneous, thoughless lives, hooking up with random people, and wasting our money. Plenty of single Catholics are living abstinent lives and looking for spouses but it’s extremely hard because in the popular culture we’re looked at as repressed weirdos and in the church we are ignored, forgotten, excluded, treated like pariahs, told we know nothing about love, relationships, children, life. I was excited to find a group of Catholic women my age on social media and thought finally, my people. Then I discovered that since I’m in my mid 30s and not married, without children, they treat me differently, don’t include me in conversations or friendships, post things that imply single people are living wasteful, thoughless lives and we can’t possibly know anything domestic or have any wisdom. It’s very disheartening to think you’ve found your group only to be rejected. They have websites only for moms and name their get togethers after single women but we aren’t invited. When they do talk about single people they say things like “single women are only thinking about how cute their outfits are” (actual paraphrase from a Catholic mom blog). At mass we are ignored by people who are apparently only concerned with what their kids are doing when they could be welcoming others (and not concerned with their kids’ noise levels and bad behavior at any other time during mass), never mentioned in prayers of the faithful. We are constantly told that we shouldn’t be living selfish lives while also being asked to do all the volunteering, cleaning up, and taking care of other things. We are told that we just have to perfect ourselves and only need the Eucharist to be happy, never mind that no one I know who is married is perfect and they weren’t content with just the Eucharist. These are the same people who constantly brag about being married and parents but never bother to look around and see the lonely single people who would be glad to have an invitation for dinner. There’s a lot of arrogance and selfishness there, yes, even in Catholic families. They are too busy putting out a “perfect domestic church” vibe to bother really caring for those outside their nuclear family. Yet single people are selfish for going on small trips once in awhile or doing something fun.

Instead of lecturing single Catholics who are trying to live solid Catholic lives about chastity and abstinence maybe you could get something going in parishes so we can find spouses with our same values. We are frequently told to “get things started” at parishes but this requires everyone contributing, just like you married folks think everything at church is about you.

I’m not alone in my observations on life for single Catholics these days. Until you people start recognizing this huge gaping hole in parish life then plenty of single Catholics will continue to drift off into the secular culture and the rest of us will just fade away into the shadows of parish life and life in general. Want more single, adult Catholics to come back to the church? Start by loving and supporting those of us who remain faithful and help us bring the others back in. Until then, stop lecturing us.

Posted by Michelle on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 5:29 PM (EST):

Ursula, you make a good point. Every Christian needs to take their walk with Christ seriously and strive after chastity, no matter how difficult it may be at first. But I can tell you from personal experience that, like any virtue, chastity is a habit. It doesn’t happen overnight. While age may play a factor, I was not always chaste but am happy to report that I am a 32 year old virgin. Some of us have a harder time developing chastity than others, but God gives us all the grace we need if we just ask Him, trust in Him, and keep trying.

Posted by Myshkin on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 11:24 AM (EST):

Love to hear this great news!

I am old enough to be grumpy about one thing: of the many different Catholic schools that my and my wife’s children have attended, in different cities over the years, I can’t think of a single one of them that would put this book onto the curriculum. No wonder that we have home schooled the last few years, and been rewarded many times over. Our children have had the benefit of hearing Mom and Dad saying these things about chastity during the many spontaneously appearing random moments when such things present for attention—moments that would probably not have occurred—or would have occurred far too seldom—if we had not opted out of the regimented, and often secular, curriculum presented by our kids’ former schools.

It says a lot about our dioceses around the country that we are under the impression that Bishops pay little or no heed to teaching the Faith, in full—actively, not passively, going after the issues that most bedevil people these days. Archbishop Cordileone of San Francisco is such a breath of fresh air at least in his own recent battles. Would that we had 200+ such Bishops! Alas!

Posted by Ursula Riches on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 10:33 AM (EST):

after commenting on gays and wedding cakes, I am thinking of how this applies to so many of us and the homosexual community equally. How can we expect homosexuals to be chaste if we are not? After 50, the chastity is easier.
Did anyone else have men come onto them frequently and in a very strong way? I prayed to get fat in my 30s because I was sick of it and threatened by it. Perhaps I was really cute and lovely or perhaps I did not have the shield some people do and perhaps I was also one of the very few women with natural pheromones?

Posted by mrscracker on Wednesday, Jul, 8, 2015 10:30 AM (EST):

Good points.Being chaste, being traditionally minded, etc is all counter cultural now.
And goes against marketing.

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