I think I'm a part of the first generation of journalists to skip print media entirely, and I've learned a lot these last few years at Forbes. My work has appeared on TVOvermind, IGN, and most importantly, a segment on The Colbert Report at one point. Feel free to follow me on Twitter or on Facebook, write me on Facebook or just email at paultassi(at)gmail(dot)com. I'm also almost finished with my sci-fi novel series, The Earthborn Trilogy.

Surveying the Aftermath of the Brutal Aliens: Colonial Marines Reviews

It’s been a while since a game with a long development cycle and big promises ended up premiering with a thud this loud. The last time I can remember a long-coming, big name game getting thrashed this badly upon release was probably Duke Nukem Forever. That’s now happened once more with Aliens: Colonial Marines, and interestingly both projects were handled in some form or another by Gearbox.

It’s strange that Gearbox, the company who gives us the beloved Borderlands series, seems to be so adept at mishandling other properties. But their work on both Duke Nukem Forever and now Aliens: Colonial Marines has produced some of the most dated looking and feeling games of this generation. Like Duke Nukem, Aliens: Colonial Marines showed screenshots that looked gorgeous, but ended up being absolutely nothing like the final product released. The ugliness only compounds the issues with gameplay and story, which would have been enough to sink the game by themselves.

Don’t believe me? Read the reviews. There’s been an unprecedented joint effort on the part of the press to tell you that yes, this is a truly, truly terrible game. The current Metacritic score for A:CM is sitting below fifty, which is fantastically awful for a game that’s been in development since 2008, in an industry that usually rates things on a 7 to 10 scale.

What went wrong during production where a game took nearly five years to be released and still ended up feeling unfinished? That may take some exploration, but for now, here’s what reviewers had to say:

“Gearbox couldn’t be bothered to explain a major, fundamental change to the fiction of Aliens and Alien 3. It’s a fumbled, crass, wasted and pointless attempt at fan service that only serves to make everything it touches worse by virtue of its existence. It’s there just because.”

“Dialog is embarrassingly puerile, and couldn’t be more full of gung-ho machismo tripe if it tried. While the original Aliens dissected its posturing “manly man” stereotypes, and showcased how utterly frail a cowboy mentality can be when everything falls apart, Colonial Marines revels in its own testosterone, submerged gleefully in a pool of dank ultramasculinity. This is a game that unequivocally misses the point of Aliens, which wouldn’t be so bad if it hadn’t already had the gall to insist it was a true followup.”

“The awkward storytelling is hardly energized by character models and facial animations so stiff that humans look every bit as synthetic as famed series androids Ash and Bishop. Aliens: Colonial Marines is not a looker. Graphics glitches abound, fire and goo effects are unconvincing, and clumsy visual details–jittery transitions in and out of canned animations, abrupt game-over screens upon death–give the game an air of carelessness.”

The problem lies with the aliens themselves; they’re not smart enough to hunt in packs or take you by surprise, they just willfully hurl themselves in front of your short, controlled bursts. There’s never a feeling of being outwitted or outmanoeuvred, just outraged that you’ve sat down to take on some deadly xenos in one of sci-fi’s most iconic settings and somehow ended up in the equivalent of a clunky, coin-operated shooting gallery.

“There are animations missing in the game and the cutscenes are ugly to the point of distraction. The characters don’t seem to have any physical boundaries, or are unaware of each other. When you have two characters in an action scene, they tend to stand inside each other for some reason. “I’m going to be okay,” a woman tells a man in one scene, and then reassuringly places her hand inside his chest.”

“Gearbox evidently have a tremendous love for the films, but it’s the kind of love that suffocates. Over the course of the ten hour campaign you are dragged through meticulous recreations of every significant location you can think of – the Sulaco, Hadley’s Hope, the surface of LV-426, the ancient spaceship. Colonial Marines’ greatest desire is to show you things you’ve seen before, regardless of their narrative status or significance. Hadley’s Hope may have vanished in a forty megaton nuclear fireball at the end ofAliens, but, well, it’s fine, thanks for asking.”

Update: Well, it seems our own Carol Pinchefsky has other ideas. Here’s her 8/10 review.

Post Your Comment

Post Your Reply

Forbes writers have the ability to call out member comments they find particularly interesting. Called-out comments are highlighted across the Forbes network. You'll be notified if your comment is called out.