Tips for proper discipline

1. No matter what type of discipline you use, having a conversation with your child about what they did wrong, why it was wrong and what your expectations are is essential. Also, make sure to tell them what they could have done instead. Offer constructive alternatives, such as going outside and playing basketball or talking it out with a parent, for handling anger and other feelings. 2. To be effective, discipline must be consistent, regular and done the same way each time. 3. If using corporal punishment, use your hand not a paddle, board, switch or other item. That way you will know how much force you are using. A child's buttocks are the best location for a spanking. It is not OK to hit a child on the face, torso, arms, etc. Corporal punishment is not an advisable way to discipline teens.4. Before disciplining your child, take a few minutes to calm down and diffuse your feelings. Acting while you are upset or angry can lead to improper discipline and possibly hurting your child. 5. Be creative. If a teen is slamming his or her bedroom door, consider taking the door off the hinges. Time outs or taking away privileges, such as cell phones or play time with friends, can be effective tools in getting children to behave. 6. Parents must have an understanding with each other about how they will discipline their child. One parent should not override the other parent's decision. For discipline to be effective, children must know that their parents are in agreement about what the rules are and the consequences for breaking them. 7. Ignoring bad behavior and praising your child's good behavior can be as "” or even more "” effective as other discipline tools.

Source: Bradly McCollum of the Louisiana Department of Children & Family Services.

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This is the first in a series of educational reports planned as part of The Times' yearlong examination of child abuse in Louisiana.

Today, Bradly McCollum, a Child Welfare Specialist III with the Louisiana Department of Children & Family Services, discusses disciplining children. McCollum is assigned to the Shreveport area and has been with the department for five years. He is a Louisiana College graduate and holds a Master of Arts in social work from Louisiana State University.

Question: What is discipline and what are some appropriate methods?

Answer: "People use discipline to elicit a different behavior from their child. You are trying to correct an action or behavior from a child or person and change that action or behavior into something that society accepts. The state can't say you can do this or you can't do this. We can strongly encourage forms of discipline that don't harm children physically or emotionally and we can educate parents on different styles of discipline and we can make them aware of the law as to what constitutes child abuse and neglect.

"Of course, the first form of discipline that comes to the minds of Louisiana residents is corporal punishment. Corporal punishment, obviously, is some form of physical means of disciplining your child, be it using a hand or a switch or a paddle to spank a child. Other forms of discipline commonly used today are time outs or taking away privileges."

Q: What is a time out and why is it effective?

A: "Time out is placing a child in a place — some people use a corner or a room — of low stimulus and letting them sit. It's giving them a moment to calm down and think about what they've done. Depending on the age of the child, say if your child is 3 years old, use three minutes of time out; 4 years old, four minutes; 5 years old, five minutes. It's a minute for every year of age.

"Children thrive on attention from their parents. When you put a child in time out or you yourself go into time out away from your child, that deprives them of that attention for a short amount of time. It really can have serious effects on a child so far as understanding that he or she did something wrong and a privilege has been taken away.

"I've even suggested to parents before that they use a time out. People have ranges of problems from financial to marital and every once in a while adults need to step away from their children and de-escalate. When you do that, you want to make sure your children are supervised and not in the way of harm."

Q: Are there times when corporal punishment is not appropriate? Do you use it for only the most serious offenses?

A: "My issue with reserving corporal punishment for really serious issues is that, normally, if there is a serious issue, something has angered or upset a parent. The parent needs to first take the time away to de-escalate their feelings because when accidents happen the most is when parents are mad or upset or angered for a behavior or action that their child has done. I find that when people use corporal punishment in those situations, children are more likely to get hurt. When people get upset or angered, they don't realize how much force or pressure they are using. Discipline is not about hurting a child. It's about correcting a behavior or action."

Q: How does a parent determine what type of discipline to use from age to age?

A: "All children are different. All children respond differently. You could have five children and have to discipline each of them differently because it has a different effect on each child. You have to look at different options, different things you can do. You want to be consistent.

"Children age 3 and under: With younger children you are not going to be able to sit down and talk with them about things. With smaller children a lot of people use corporal punishment, but you have to be careful not to exert a lot of force. Just barely tapping a kid on the hand (or popping them on the buttocks with their diaper on) will get the point across to a child that is 2 or 3.

"Age 4 to grade school: At 4 and 5, you can say, 'You are getting in trouble,' and tell them why. As you progress upward from age about 5 or 6, you can explain what the behavior was that they did, why it is inappropriate, why you would like it to change and how you would like it to change. To have that conversation with your child is probably the most important thing. People tend to discipline their children and not tell them why they are getting disciplined and so, the behavior or action is never addressed.

"Pre-teens and teens: Again, have those conversations with your child — this is what you did wrong; these are other things you can do. In disciplining older children, you sort of have to get smart and think outside the box. You have to be a step ahead of them and say: 'What can I do that is going to throw them off so they don't do this behavior again? There are so many options like taking things away from older children like cell phones or televisions or time with friends. Of course, there has to be those things in their lives so it's really important to set that up so they have positive reinforcement when they do good."

Q: What about positive reinforcement?

A: "A lot of times people concentrate on negative and what is wrong. Every child needs somebody that thinks they are fantastic. It takes one person to love a child for that child to be a success. Those children tend to flourish and thrive. Positive words stick out and have more meaning than negative ones. Children keep remembering the positive things. We normally don't give enough credit to children."