F.A.Q.

If people want to die by suicide, why not let them?

Almost every person who feels suicidal is unsure about wanting to live or die. Often, with time and the concern and intervention of others, suicidal feelings pass. Suicide is a permanent solution to what is most likely a temporary problem.Can I really help someone who has decided on suicide?Because people who want to die by suicide almost always suffer from isolation and loneliness, you can help them simply by reaching out and letting them know you care. Listening to his or her troubles, asking about thoughts of suicide, and assisting her or him in getting the help that may be needed are all ways you can help someone you care about.What happens to the people left behind?Family and friends of people who die by suicide (called "survivors") are usually left with conflicting emotions, such as anger, guilt, relief, shame, and grief. Most survivors also struggle to know "why" their loved one took their own life – a question that has no real answer. Often, grief counseling and support groups are available to help survivors cope with these difficult feelings and questions.

Teen Suicide

Adolescent Stress and Depression: Adolescence is a time of extraordinary change, filled with stress for teens and their families. As young people grow into adults, they meet opportunities and obligations to change from their childhood selves.

Temporary depression is normal in teens as it is to people of all ages, but teens have less experience with suffering than older people. New overwhelming feelings may be sufficiently threatening to require dramatic ways of asserting control.

Normal adolescent conflict, loss and depression, impulsiveness and the taking of risks, a desperate need to maintain control; these, when added to individual school, family or social differences, can put a young person seriously at risk of self-harm.

Signs of DepressionYou may notice some of the following behaviors in a teenager. While they don’t invariably mean that your child is contemplating suicide, they should alert you to the fact that the teenager may be experiencing more than normal adolescent difficulties, and may be in a depression and in need of your help:

Hyperactivity, physical complaints, or being accident-prone, especially for younger teens

Significant change in certain habits—eating or sleeping much more or less than usual

School performance has fallen off dramatically

Apathy—a loss of interest in prized possessions, family, and friends

Anxiety—appearing nervous and worried

Aggressiveness—bullying others, and picking quarrels

Overwhelming guilt or self-hate

Deep or prolonged grief

Suicide doesn't happen only in “certain” families or among “certain” classes; it spreads across all social and economic lines. Unhappily, young people are more likely than adults to do themselves harm when severely depressed. Approximately 12 young people between the ages of 15-24 die every day by suicide. Most adolescent suicides occur in the afternoon or early in the evening and in the teen’s house. Although rates vary somewhat by geographic location, within a typical high school classroom it is likely that three students (one boy and two girls) have made a suicide attempt in the past year. One might interpret the frequency of attempts, the choice of such times and places as cries for help.

What Can Be Done?The important thing is to pay attention. Encourage them to talk. Listen. Be on their side. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t interrupt with stories of your own. Reassure without dismissing.

Don't panic. Remember that no one is suicidal all the time. Thoughts of self-destruction arise at times of crisis, but lives can be saved with understanding a support.

Learn to recognize the signs of serious depression and suicide risk. Eight out of ten suicides give definite warnings, verbal or behavioral, of their intentions.

Don’t be afraid to ask, “Do you sometimes feel so bad you think of suicide?” Raising the question neither plants the idea nor encourages it. You are allowing the teen the freedom to talk about it. Discussing suicide openly is one of the most helpful things you can do. It shows that you are taking this person seriously and that you care.

If the answer is “yes” follow through by asking “have you thought how you might do it?” If there is a definite plan, if the means are easily available, the method lethal, and if the time is set, the risk of suicide is very high. Your response will be geared to the urgency of the situation as you see it. It is vital not to underestimate the danger by avoiding asking for details.

If you think there is immediate danger, DO NOT LEAVE THE TEEN ALONE. Stay with him or her until the crisis passes, or until help arrives. It is possible to talk people down from a crisis, or rather, to let them talk themselves through the crisis. There is almost always ambivalence: partly wanting to die, partly wanting to live.

The Samaritans are available to help. Encourage him or her to call the Bristol County center and please contact us yourself at any time for support in your helping efforts or to discuss referral, if necessary. Our service is free and confidential. We have telephone volunteers available from 8:00 AM to 11:00 PM, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Call us at 508-673-3777 and toll free 866-508-4357.

You Should Know

Many lives are affected by suicide. The American Association of Suicidology estimates up to 6 people are personally touched by the suicide of one person.Suicide is not about wanting to die, but about a powerful need for pain to end. All types of people die by suicide: men and women, rich and poor, old and young, straight and gay, rural and urban. What suicidal people share are feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and isolation, a desire for a solution to their problems, and deep uncertainties about living and dying. The more you know about suicide, the better you will be able to help someone struggling with these issues.

Helping the Suicidal

ListenIf you know someone who might be thinking about suicide, you can help them first just by listening. Very often, people who think suicide is a choice for them feel like they have no other options, like they have no control over their lives, and that no one cares about them. Listening to someone can, show that you care, give them a greater feeling of control and help them feel connected to someone else.

Do's and Don'tsDo:

give the person all of your attention

tell him or her that you care and that you are glad they are talking to you

ask questions that help you to better understand how she or he is feeling

Don't:

try to solve the person's problems

give advice that wasn't asked for

say that the person's actions or feelings are wrong or unimportant

tell the person about your own problems

AskAsking about suicide can be scary and hard, but it is very important. It is the only way to find out how much danger someone is in. It also lets the person you're concerned about know that you're a safe person to talk to. Many people are afraid to talk about suicide. They fear that others will react with blame, fear, panic, or guilt. But it is often a great relief to someone thinking about suicide to know that you have noticed their pain. And although many people don't believe this, asking about suicide will NOT suggest the idea to someone or encourage someone to kill themselves.

Get HelpGetting help for someone who is feeling suicidal can save their life. A suicidal person needs a lot of attention and support. The more helpers the better. Get help from:

You should talk to any of these helpers yourself to get support and advice, but it is most important that the suicidal person talks directly with one or more of these kind of helpers. Some things to remember:

If the first helper you try doesn't give you the help you need, try another one.

If the suicidal person won't agree to get help, tell someone anyway.

It is better to have someone be angry with you, but alive because you got help

Suicide and the Elderly

Facts

Although older adults attempt suicide less often than those in other age groups, they have a higher completion rate. The elderly are more lethal in their attempts and complete suicide more often.

Contrary to popular opinion, only a fraction of suicide victims have been diagnosed with a terminal illness at the time of death. Two-thirds of older adults in their late 60s, 70s, and 80s were in relatively good physical health when they died of suicide.

84% of elderly suicides are men; the number of men’s suicides in late life is 5 times that for women.

The Elderly: Life After 65For most older people, their life is a time of fulfillment, satisfaction with life’s accomplishments. For some older adults, however, later life is a time of physical pain, psychological distress, and dissatisfaction with present, and perhaps, past aspects of life. They feel hopeless about making changes to improve their lives.

One of the most frequent companions of the elderly is an irreversible progression of losses. These losses often result in an inevitable sense of isolation, powerlessness, and hopelessness. One’s work is gone, friends have died or moved away, a spouse may have died, family has moved. Even the past may be a loss as memory fades. Painful illness has replaced physical well-being. Self-hatred has replaced self-esteem. Financial security becomes a thing of the past as income falls behind rising health and living costs. The loss of independence is often felt by those who reach 65 and over.

Clues to Look ForThere are common clues to possible suicidal thoughts and actions in the elderly that must be taken seriously. Knowing and acting on these clues may provide you the opportunity to save a life.

It is important to remember that any of these signs alone is not indicative of a suicidal person. But several signs together may be very important. The signs are even more significant if there is a history of previous suicide attempts.

A suicidal person may show signs of depression, such as:

changes in eating or sleeping habits

unexplained fatigue or apathy

trouble concentrating, or being indecisive

crying for no apparent reason

inability to feel good about themselves or unable to express joy

behavior changes, or are just “not themselves”

withdrawal from family, friends, or social activities

loss of interest in hobbies, work, etc.

loss of interest in personal appearance

A suicidal person also may:

talk about or seem preoccupied with death

give away prized possessions

take unnecessary risks

have had a recent loss or expect one

increase their use of alcohol, drugs or other medications

ail to take prescribed medicines or follow required diets

acquire a weapon

What can be done?Friends and family of suicidal senior citizens often ask the Samaritans what they can do to help. The important thing is to pay attention. Encourage them to talk. Listen; be on their side; don’t be judgmental. Don’t interrupt with stories of your own. Reassure them without minimizing the feeling expressed. Thoughts of self-destruction can arise, but lives can be saved with understanding and support. Learning how to identify those at risk, becoming sensitive to the clues and symptoms expressed by suicidal older citizens and developing a means of assessing the risk and communicating concern and care for the individual can be valuable tools of intervention in a suicidal crisis.

The Samaritans are available from 8:00 AM to 11:00 PM, 7 days a week, including Holidays. The service is free and completely confidential, Trained Samaritan speakers are also available to give talks or run workshops for interest groups. Call us at (508) 673-3777 or send an email to samsfrnb@aol.com.