Make a pot of really good coffee[1] before bed, pour immediately into glass pitcher, put said pitcher into the refrigerator, and — voila — you have a steady supply of high-test iced coffee for the next morning. This could not be more crucial in re vacation happiness.

Fifty-one weeks of the year: ballet pink for the pedicure. This week: Neon tangerine[3].

Fifty-one weeks of the year: milk or water with lunch. This week: Ice cold Coke.

Fifty-one weeks of the year: Cocktail hour at 6:00. This week: Cocktail hour at 6:00.

(It’s the one thing keeping us from spiraling into total chaos.)

If key lime pie is local, order the key lime pie. If key lime pie isn’t local, order the key lime pie.

Never drive by the farmer’s market without stopping to see what’s local.

Unless that farmer’s market is located just off route 95, in North Carolina, and is selling “local peach wine” — in which case, drive the f*ck on!

Don’t wait for the last fifteen minutes of an 800-mile drive to discover that the AC/DC Pandora station is the one you should’ve been listening to all along.

Best road-trip movies for kids (or at least the ones in our back seat right now): Monsters Inc, Life of Pi, Tootsie*, The Lovebug (original, non-Lohan version), Ironman, Coraline, Dumb and Dumber, The Incredibles. (*there is light sex talk, and a bunch of s-bombs, but when Sydney Pollak is saying them it almost doesn’t matter.)

And speaking of swimwear, dads can (and should) get away with these[6], from Olasul.

There is nothing as nasty, when you really think about it, as the fully-loaded swimmy diaper.

We have been vacationing in the same house for many years and in this house is an unironic boom box with an actual, functioning cassette player. Next to this cassette player is a tray of old cassette tapes, featuring Kenny Loggins, Billy Joel’s 52nd Street, late-vinatage Neville Brothers, Steve Winwood, the sountrack to Working Girl… and Darkness on the Edge of Town. It could be that it’s the only gem among sad old rocks, but is there a better album to cook to on vacation than Darkness on the Edge of Town?

The post-beach nap is best taken on a screened porch, or face down — bathing suit still on, flip-fops hanging off — on the guest room bed.

The gin and tonic is King of Vacation Cocktails.

If you’re roadtripping, and if your kids in any way resemble our chip-eating, juice-spilling, crumb-shedding children, remember a garbage bag for the backseat.

The minute you arrive, you must throw out the grocery shopping rule book. First thing in the cart for us: Cinnamon Pop-Tarts.

If you have to eat out every single meal, it stops being special. Which is why we always try to stay in a place with a kitchen.

But having a kitchen doesn’t mean skip the restaurant. Pick one or two spots you want to hit and book your reservations before you leave. (This[7] was our most recent choice.)

If there is a choice between coming home on Saturday or Sunday, suck it up and choose Saturday so you have that 24-hour buffer zone between vacation and pool-less, beach-less, happiness-destroying reality.

It’s OK to take it out on the rental car.

50. There are fewer more noble pursuits than perfecting a handstand on the beach.