Monday, May 07, 2007

Brain VacationSome days, you just have to write because the fire is alive in your pen.Like Lester Bangs in Almost Famous says 'I used to stay up all night - ona little speed, mesculin...and some cough syrup...and just write pagesand pages...a dribble...about the faces of Coltrane.' A great line. Itembodies the art and the passion that lies behind writing.

What do I want to achieve by writing? What dark faces do I want to uncoverby rattling the bones of the past and waking the potential of the future?I have worked on and off on a fiction work for over five years but I canreally only write on that story when I feel truly inspired. Otherwise, itfeels like it is being forced. Writing, though, can be equated to dollarsand sense and sometimes that means handing in something (to a boss)you're not completely comfortable with in order to meet a deadline.

It's a weird monster. Writing can help us to tackle the closeted creature thatwrestles our subconscious, forming bridges to eiphany. It can also bea means of a distortion or inadequate context that snowballs into an inspiralworld of hatred and fear.

I have to get back into the habit of typing and writing while I'm at workinstead of just wishing the shift away into pieces. I guess, in some ways, thisplace has made me realize the creative side of me is still very alive and activebut that it needs feeding with constant water, light and soil. A plant cannotlive on mere wishes for its existence - it needs the work to be done by itscaretaker.

The weather brings a sense of renewal and relief. It's as if the sun isbringing out the sense of strength in all of us. Sometimes i hear the song'jesusland' by ben folds in my mind and i wonder if Jesus really would hanghis head in shame at a lot of the shit that goes on among his people and theirconstant misinterpretation of his love. Call me crazy, but I really don'tthink he would be picketing against the gay right. I also don't think he wouldbe so caught up in legalism and labelling. He came to liberate - not tosegregate. Too much of the christian bubble gets lost or scared within theidea of focusing on the heart of humanity. Isn't that what we are supposedto do? Aren't we supposed to be more concerned with the status ofsomeone's heart as opposed to their outward actions? I think so manythings (and perhaps NOT necessarily gay-ness) are a sign of massivediscontent and utter dissatisfaction of self - alcohol abuse, drug abuse,physical abuse, rape, acts of terror, etc. I think there is a deeper needwithin the hearts of all people that is being overlooked. That need is whati want to be concerned with - not that i have any specificstraight-and-narrow answer but I want to offer myself to my neighboursin order to help them take steps towards 'living life to the full'.

I live for the moments where people come together for a cause of agreater good. I think it is important that each individual be self-sustainableand intellectually charged but that individual is nothing without the deeproots of a real and vibrant community. Individuals can make differencesbut with the aid of a vitalized communal core, greater differences canbe made. A ripple effect can be seen in the living out of ideals withinpeople that truly care for and want the best for each other. This is what interests me - This is what drives me on.