I realize that The Debates are the only cool thing left for people to cover between now and when all that boring voting stuff begins, but isn't this a bit much here?

The kickoff presidential debate Wednesday in Denver is shaping up as do-or-die time for Mitt Romney, with the pressure intensifying this week after a flurry of swing-state polls showed President Barack Obama opening up a sizable lead. Republicans, fretting about dwindling days for Romney to turn around his campaign, fear that if their nominee doesn't come away with a decisive first-debate victory, he'll continue to spiral downward and lose his last, best shot for a comeback. The fear among donors and strategists: a break-even or so-so performance would subject Romney to a self-reinforcing cycle of criticism and pessimism in his own party that will send other Republicans fleeing and make it difficult for Romney to project a closing argument against Obama over the drumbeat of why-are-you-losing questions.

So the first debate — the first of three debates — is win-or-go-home? Why in the hell are we even having the others? Are Republicans really that desperate to hang onto the House — to re-elect Steve King, and Allen West, and the Girl With The Faraway Eyes — that they'll bolt on the top of the ticket unless Willard Romney turns magically overnight into a combination of William Jennings Bryan, Socrates, and Marvelous Marvin Hagler? If so, then they're cowards and the system's screwed.

I honestly don't get this. Let us assume — with some justification, I think — that Barack Obama will not make the kind of mistake he has managed to avoid throughout his entire public career. Let us also assume — because we are fair people — that Willard Romney will not drool on his shoes come Monday next. That leaves the concepts of "breakthrough win," "break-even performance," and "OMIGAWD, HE'S SO FKED NOW!" in the entirely subjective hands of the people who will be interpreting what they saw, and you cannot tell me that those same people will not bring to their interpretations of what happened in the debate their preconceived notions of the race in general. In short, barring a cataclysmic moment, people's opinions of the two campaigns, and of the two candidates, are going to be pretty much what they were going in. Unless, of course, those pre-conceived notions happen to diverge from what actually happens on stage. Then, you can have a problem. Ask Al Gore or, if he's not free, consult Bob Somerby, who, I am sure, is delighted to see Politico cite Gore's alleged "sighing" as a pivotal moment in that campaign. Let us also assume then, for the moment, because we respect our colleagues, that blatant journalistic malpractice of the kind we saw in 2000 does not occur, either.

What do people expect from Romney at this point? He did the fan dance for his lunatic base, and it got him the nomination, but it boxed him in on so many issues that it made running in the general election an almost impossible task even for a good candidate, which he is not. On what issues can he be expected to "knock the president out"? Now, he's got advice pouring in from the likes of N. Leroy Gingrich, Definer of Civilization's Rules and Leader (Perhaps) of the Civilizing Forces, whom, it should be pointed out, Romney beat like a drum just at the moment in which Gingrich's dark star seemed to be ascendant.

"As my wife put it to me the other day, if he is assertive and direct with Obama as he was to me in the two Florida debates, he'll be fine," Gingrich said, recalling the primary face-offs in which Romney unleashed a torrent of opposition research upon his rival. "And I think that's a good way to think of it. He's got to go in there and not be hostile, but be assertive, clear and direct and not back off." Suggested Gingrich: "He's got to draw a sharp contrast between a Romney recovery and Obama stagnation. He's got to say, 'With all respect, Mr. President, this is the worst recovery since the Great Depression.'"

First of all, Romney got to use that "torrent of opposition research" on Gingrich because Gingrich's career is the Comstock Lode of opposition research. It's the Treasure of the Sierra Madre. This is not the case with the president. And I'm no expert like the former speaker, but does Romney really need to emphasize an argument containing the word "recovery," as allegedly anemic as that recovery may be? Isn't the fact that any recovery's better than no recovery at all precisely what, at the moment, is costing Romney any chance of carrying Ohio?

There has seemed all along in this campaign a hunger for "turning points." First, it was Romney's finally convincing enough of the propeller-beanie crowd to back him. Then it was the selection of Paul Ryan as his running mate. Then it was the convention, which was supposed to "re-introduce" Romney to the nation, and this five years after he first started running for president. Now that all those have proven to be sputtering duds, we have The Debates.

"The need for a strong debate performance is increasing every single day," said Republican Scott Reed, who ran Bob Dole's 1996 campaign. "And the pressure is really mounting on the candidate to be aggressive, to offer some solutions and to get back to that feeling we all had when Ryan was selected [for] the ticket — the boldness, the excitement and the fact that things were going to change."

First of all, the "feeling we all had when Ryan was selected" was pretty much isolated to the Ryan household of Janesville, Wisconsin. (What do you mean "we," white man?) And whatever feeling the Republicans had dissipated pretty quickly after the zombie-eyed granny-starver from space gave his bullshit recital in Tampa. Now, it seems, the Ryan half of the ticket is flirting with mutiny to keep maintain his political viability going forward. Nobody is really excited about voting for Willard Romney. Nobody ever has been excited about voting for Willard Romney. It is possible that something can happen in this debate to turn that whole thing around, to turn Willard Romney into an angel with a flaming sword. Feel free to speculate what that might be. Absent the spinmeisters lowering the bar to the bottom of the Laurentian Abyssal, I'm out of ideas.