What am I doing?

Sometimes I look around my apartment, my classroom, even my car, and wonder “How did I get here? What am I doing?”

I never would have thought less than a year ago, that I would be in Texas, teaching high school Biology. It wasn’t a dream I’ve had for years, in fact it wasn’t even a thought in my head other than discussions over dinner or cookies about educational policy with Sam and Tyler. I didn’t think I would get into Teach For America — so after I sent in my application, I didn’t give it much thought. It’s like applying to a good school — everyone does it, but who thinks they’re going to get in?

But I’m here, I’m an adult. I’m teaching children. They look to me for information — if I don’t teach them, they won’t know it, I’ll permanently affect their future. I still feel like a child myself though. I suppose I’m being introspective since it’s near my birthday, and another year will be added to my age. I promise myself one thing, I might be an adult, but I’ll always be a child. I’ll always be curious, I’ll always want to play, and I’ll always be a practical idealist.

I don’t want to be jaded, I don’t want to see the world through rose-tinted glasses either — I want to be happily in between.

So happy early birthday to me. I might not be where I thought I’d be, but I’m doing something…cool. It’s an experience, and I hope I’m doing something good along the way. All I know is that it’s an experience, and it’s up to me to make the best out of it, and I will. But I won’t get jaded while I’m doing it, I won’t let myself harden in the face of difficulty and fulfilled stereotypes.