DARK NOCTURNE

a night owl's blog

I don’t know what else to call it and for whatever reason, I like the word ‘bonk.’

I wasn’t going in for a regular MRI, the one in the long tube you lay in. I’m horribly claustrophobic, so the doctor on Tuesday suggested an open MRI. Just the thing for people like me, and it should take about 15-30 minutes.

Okay, that sounded tolerable.

I got to the clinic today and filled out the expected paperwork, then waited, and waited, and waited some more, for a total of 30 minutes. Seemed a little long to me.

They finally called my name, then I had to change into very ill-fitting hospital pants and robe, they hurry up and wait again. Apparently one of their machines was down. Comforting thought.

Finally, one of the techs came to get me and brought me in the room where this was to be done. Now I could spend all night trying to describe the damn machine, but I found this clip which is pretty close to what I was stepping in to.

You might be thinking it doesn’t look so bad. No, it doesn’t, it’s much worse.

Once I sat down, the tech strapped me in – it was basically a seat belt across the lap, then she moved me back three feet and tilted the chair back. I was squeezing my arms to my sides; I was very scrunched in and very uncomfortable. And the best part? I was starting to panic, my heart was racing and I wanted to run out of that room.

When I asked how long it would take, she said an hour – AN HOUR – 50 minutes maybe. The doctor said 15 to 30 minutes. The tech offered me a sedative, but I drove and unless I was completely knocked out, it wasn’t going to help one iota, so I declined.

​Now, here’s what they don’t show you in their glossy video brochure of theirs. You also have to wear what looks like a birdcage on your head. It’s to hold your head steady. Here’s a picture of it on the right.

The tech repeatedly asked me if it was okay and I told her numerous times I didn’t think I could do this. When she put the birdcage on my head, that was it, I could barely breathe and I knew I couldn’t. No way no how no hell no. I told the tech I couldn’t do this and I got out of the chair.

The tech explained there is another type of imaging, where you're laying on your back and the sides are open. She suggested I talk with the doctor about it.

When I got into the changing room, I almost started crying. Maybe it sounds idiotic to you, but for me, the experience was borderline traumatic.

The Birdcage.

When I got dressed, I went out to the lobby and the manager who came with me was on the phone. After she was done with her call, I told her I couldn’t go through with the MRI.​I really want to know what I did to my head, but I don’t know if I can do this again; I’ll call the doctor in the morning and see what my options are.