Regarding the Tilt: Now I'm sure I'm not the only sick one on here. Thanks Jeff for joining the ranks. I am surmising there are several more on board, but I only know for sure about myself, Jeff and Ken. I'd guess someone in California is going, "What, me?" Not sure, but Deb and Scout may be borderline. But you know I love you all. Wishing you all a very happy and joyous Holiday Season! Merry Christmas!

By the way, do you remember last years post about Randolf, the "Brown Nosed Reindeer"? He is Rudolf the "Red Nosed" Reindeer's cousin. He runs right behing Rudolf, real close, he can run as fast, but can't stop that quick.

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, fat, bearded, tattooed, trouble-making biker wearing a Harley jacket and leather pants steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down inone swig. "Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve. Then some ******* shows up and drinks the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Fairy taleOne day, Long, Long ago........There lived a woman who Did Not Whine, or Complain.But this was a long time ago.......and it was just that one day.

The End

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch whenever he wanted.

THE END

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Three Minnesotans, Sven, Lars and Ole died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't getbored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself to Sven, he asked, "By the way, Sven, what was your IQ when you were alive?" "159", said Sven. "Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around." "What an exciting opportunity!", said Sven. Einstein then introduced himself to Lars, and when he was done he said, "Tell me, Lars - what was your IQ when you werealive?" "141", said Lars. "Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a littlemathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights." "Nothing I'd like better!" was Lars's reply. After Einstein had introduced himself to Ole, he asked, "Whatwas your IQ when you were alive, Ole?" "58" said Ole. Punching him on the arm, Einstein said, "Hey, Ole - How 'bout them Vikings!"

The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there,brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's butt?"

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.At 1:00 AM the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying........"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.""I have a better idea," she replied, "just for tonight.....let's pretend we are married.""Wow!.....that's a great idea!" he exclaimed."Good," she replied, "get your own freaking blanket."After a moment of silence,......he farted.