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hello, world. my name is ilene (aka illy). this is my blog where i like to write about life, laughter and the pursuit of real happiness. creamer with a pinch of coffee, songs played on repeat, red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting, and reading into the hours of the night top my list of favorite things. and life. i am a follower of Jesus and i love life.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

Monday, May 6, 2013

this is unintentional. i did not mean to change Blog Every Day in May to BlogEvery Other Day in May, but that is how it seems to be turning out the past few days. weekends and mondays have a tendency to throw me off track. let's see if i can get this train rolling again, shall we?

when i think of fears, i think of them in two different categories. first, i think of funny fears. you know the kind where some fears are seen as ridiculous by other people and sometimes it's a matter of just trying to get over it. for me...

sharks. we are going to blame Jaws and my overactive imagination on this. yes, i grew up by the beach for all of my life, but i still can't ever stop hearing the Jaws soundtrack when i go swimming. when i went snorkeling in Hawaii, i started hyperventilating when i got in the water. while i was in the water, i kept jerking around to look behind me and all around me to make sure i didn't see some Great White headed my way. thank you, steven spielberg.

amusement park rides that go straight up and straight down. i can handle roller-coasters that go upside down and do all those twist and turns, but the kinds that jerk you straight up and down and then tips you just a little bit and then drops you again...ugh. my fingers are starting to shake at the mere thought of this.

anything that pops especially balloons. oh, so pretty and oh, so cute especially for blog-worthy pictures, right? but the thought of one possibly popping in my face or by my ear gives me the willies. for one of my birthdays back in college, the girls on my floor thought it would be cute to fill up my entire room with green balloons (my favorite color). the floor, the bed, and under my desk were all literally covered with balloons. i pretended not to care - but that night, i laid in bed praying that those balloons wouldn't suddenly gang up on me and pop one after another. one of my girlfriends was nice enough to pop them all for me the next day while i was away from my room, of course.

and then i think about the other kind of fear. the kind that makes you sick to your stomach and your heart literally stops beating. the one that tops my list is unexpectedly losing someone i love. accidents and sudden deaths are a part of life i know, and they honestly always shake me up every time one occurs. the thought of suddenly receiving a tragic phone call or a voice-mail scares the life out of me. it's happened to my family once before and i dread the day that it happens again.

but in a way, this fear keeps things in perspective. since we are not promised tomorrow, it only makes me cherish my loved ones more so. as a little girl, i always kissed my parents and sisters goodnight and told them how much i loved them. i never liked going to bed upset or having something between me and family, and i have seen this carry over into my marriage. life is a gift - a fragile gift that makes me hold the people in my life even closer to my heart.

26 comments:

okay, totally with you on the balloons! sharks too. but for valentines day i had a few around the house and they stayed there for almost two weeks until someone would pop them when i wasn't around. it scares me even knowing it's coming! and the fear of loss, top for me too. i know it's inevitable but it's still heart wrenching.

oh, I just wrote my post for tomorrow and one of my fears is a loud pop - like a balloon or a bottle of champagne opening! it is the worst!! especially when you have a naughty kid around (I used to babysit some) who knows you hate the noise and will pop balloons just to freak you out.... :).

I totally get the shark thing. While I find then fascinating (hello, shark week) anytime I'm in the ocean, I'm convinced one is just lurking.

And losing someone suddenly... Terrifying. It's happened once in our family as well, and I'm not sure anyone has ever fully recovered. It's definitely one of those moments that make you realize that everyday is a gift.

Cute dress and I think I have most of the same fears as you! I hate sharks and even though I have never seen one, it's just so scary going in the ocean and not being able to see whats around you!!-Bridgettehttp://bridgettenicole.blogspot.com

That is EXACTLY my (not funny) biggest fear too--losing someone I love unexpectedly. It literally keeps me up some nights, and the thought of it makes my heart ache. It sometimes gets to the point where I tell those I love over and over again to be careful and I freak out if I don't hear from them. I have to put myself back in check at those times! Haha :) But it definitely does make you cherish your loved ones more.

How did I forget to put popping ballons on my list?! ;) I once started crying, because someone physically forced me to sit on a balloon until it popped. True story.

Also, at the root of it, I think many of us share the same fear of unexpected loss. It may be called something different, or people may say a specific example, but overall, it's still a fear of unexpected loss. And really, who wouldn't be scared of that?

I was never EVER afraid of sharks until 3 years ago. The hubs and I were going to vacation in San Diego. Shark Week was on the week leading up to our trip, and of course we watched as much of it as we could. You better believe that when we were at the beach I didn't step one inch into the ocean. Way to ruin a vacation!! I will forever hate Shark Week because of it, ha ha!

I also have a fear of rides like that! I seriously can't do them. I tried going on the Tower of Terror so many times to see if it would get better...and it never did. I seriously feel like I'm going to die every single time. Ugh!