For those who didn’t queue outside of Waterstones as a pre-teen to get their latest Hogwarts fix, Order of the Phoenix is the fifth book in the boy wizard saga, and involves Harry meeting a rebellious order that are fighting against the diabolical dictator Lord Voldermort.

The plot is mildly darker and more political than previous instalments and even involves some more adult scenes of violence. However, I wouldn’t have described necrophilia as being a particularly integral part of this classic children’s tale of good and evil…

Other stranger elements of the imposter book include Dumbledore having had a twin who may have had sex with a goat and Neville having withdrawal symptoms after getting addicted to a potion.

Alternative Harry also has a pet snake called Sandy that can see into the future and at one point is able to turn into a flying lion.

There is also some off-the-wall character development, including a sort-of-interesting backstory that reveals stuck-up Aunt Petunia hated her sister Lily because she refused to use her witch magic to cure their mother’s cancer.

Harry Potter/Warner Brothers

There are a few crushes here and there in the official Order of the Phoenix , and even a little bit of ‘snogging’.

However, it is most certainly a very innocent young adult book and anything remotely romantic is pretty PG-13.

Nowhere, and I repeat nowhere, in the book’s 266 pages is there anything akin to the following X-rated nipple action scene between Harry and Hermione:

Chris can be perhaps be forgiven for falling for this potty publication. Wizarding world fan fiction is still rife years after the final book was published, with super fans never tiring of rewriting the epic fantasy to suit their own conclusions and theories.

However, mischievous Shelley could not resist tricking her poor deceived friend once more with the following tease: