Saturday, December 26, 2009

Long Time, No See

It has been nearly a month since I last posted. My life suddenly got very busy. Here is a short review of some of the things I've been up to in the last month:

A. I took the LSAT. I still don't know how I did, although I'm cautiously optimistic. If I ever have to take it again I'm going to let you kick me in the crotch as much as you want.B. I finished Fall Semester. My hippie/magic class was finally vanquished. (Supplementary links dealing with my hippie class - 1 - 2.) Never again will I ever have to "connect" with nature, wonder about how awesome the sunset is, or "communicate" with the "living beings" in my "natural environment." I look forward to putting the next animal I see in a chokehold and yelling at it while I burn down a tree.C. I played the harmonica (with my cousin Phil who played guitar) at temple square. In an hour and a half we made $43. Plus it wasn't a very busy night, and we were competing with a harmonica-playing hobo. We will be back next year. If you see us next year, I hope you'll give us some money. I'm almost always very poor, and will almost certainly be poor next year.D. I did the dishes...once...in a month. (I'm not usually this disgusting. I promise.)

Anyway, since it's been a busy month, I thought this would be a good opportunity to reintroduce myself. Please enjoy this survey written and designed for 13 year old girls.

My name is Craig, and I filled out this survey:

1. Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? - Probably not talk, but I do plan on breathing heavily into the reciever until she hangs up.

2. Ever had a near death experience? - Not yet. But when I heard rumors last week that Heroes might get cancelled at the end of this season I almost had an actual death experience. Instead I settled for my frozen heart shattering into a million pieces in a way it hasn't since Anna moved back to Pittsburgh.

3. Where’s your cell phone? - It's sitting next to me on the table, minding its own business.

4. What is the last thing you thought about? - Where my cell phone was.

5. Do you regret anything? - I regret seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I wish I had spent that time doing charity work.

6. If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell? - The U.S. government.

7. What are you going to do this weekend? - Tonight I'm going to a day-after-Christmas party at the Lewis' house. Later I might go see Sherlock Holmes. I'll be hanging out with my brother and sister-in-law. And I'll be going to church with my family.

8. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? - Just today.

9. Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy? - I prefer revenge. Two of the times I took revenge in high school are still some of my proudest moments. But I'm not confessing to any specifics.

10. Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? - Catherine Zeta Jones. By now she has heard of my last "fling" no doubt, because I have so many "flings." That's me. Having flings all the time.

11. Would you curse in front of your parents? - I try not to curse at all. The only time I am known to curse is when I'm all alone in my car in heavy traffic or bad weather. I have genetic road rage.

12. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? - No, I stop, put the dog in a chokehold, yell at it, and burn down a tree.

13. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? - I would strip and pose nude right in your face in real life. Chances are when you get home, I will be lounging, nude, on your couch. See if I care.

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? - I am an Eagle Scout. I am a member of Order of the Arrow. I have three palms. Give me me a destination, one hour, and a compass, and I will immediately get lost in the woods without fail. You can count on me.

15. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - Actually, I love musicals. And I'm not ashamed about it. Whether or not they are cheesy is a non-factor.

16. Ever won a spelling bee? - Two years in a row (3rd and 4th grade) I cried when I was eliminated from the school spelling bee. Just the thought that anyone could spell better than I could ripped my heart to shreds.

17. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say? - "What, that's like a dollar an hour!!! JK that's awesome. I guess you actually could quit your day job. I had no idea you rocked the harmonica so impressively." - Camille said that. That was nice of Camille.

18. Have you ever been called a tease? - Every summer I wear my white nearly-see-through-when-wet swimming suit just so I can tease others when they catch a glimpse of my milky white thighs...still, despite all my efforts, I have never been called a tease.

19. What are your chances of getting with your crush? - I'd say very high. I've been such a romantic success in the past, after all.

20. Are you stubborn? - About some things. I can be really, unbelievably stubborn.

21. Do you always smile for pictures? - Usually in pictures I make a face that I will eventually regret.

22. Do you have kids? - I don't even have one kid.

23. Do you want kids? - Sooner or later, I wouldn't mind having some kids.

25. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? - A swarm of bees. With a swarm of bees I think my chance of escape is quite a bit higher. A big bear would almost definitely overpower me in a physical contest. A small bear, however, would be a totally different story. I would beat the crap out of a small bear.

26. Dance in the shower? - If my roommates aren't in the apartment I will dance in the shower to the point of risking serious injury to myself.

27. Dance in the car? - I actually have a playlist on my iPod dedicated to songs I can dance in the car to. I go absolutely and completely crazy when a dancable song comes on. You would not want to know me if you knew what I look like when I do this. Doubly so for the shower dancing.

28. Are you patient? - No. There are times I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate in anticipation.

29. Ever take dance lessons? - In fact, I took Ballroom Dance and Latin Dance at the University of Utah. I'm not going to lie, I'm a pretty good dancer.

30. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - The Biggest Loser will bring me near to tears. I think that is pretty close.

Anyway, I hope that you had a Merry Christmas. To win you back over from my month-long absence, I've put together this picture: