There’s a feeling of sheer and utter panic that a woman feels after a break up if she still loves her ex. You know the feeling all too well, don’t you? You break out in a cold sweat at night when you dream about the man you love dating other women. You start crying at the drop of a hat because you’re suddenly overcome with thoughts of a future without him. I know these feelings all too well because I experienced them as well when the man I adored dumped me. I felt I was drowning in my own feelings. I was lost, I felt incredibly vulnerable and I couldn’t control my emotions at all. All I really wanted was for him to call me up, tell me he made a mistake and come running back. You want the same thing. I know you want it right this minute, but I’m here to tell you that if you can muster up some patience, and strength, the man will likely come back in time.

Here’s what happens to a woman after a break up. She feels the sense of loss immediately. There’s a void in her life that her ex boyfriend used to fill so she drops into mourning. It’s during this phase that a woman will cry endlessly, wish for nothing more than a moment with her ex and she’ll also drive her friends crazy because she can’t stop talking about the break up. Mourning is a good thing because it helps you process the end of the relationship. It’s natural to experience a lot of conflicting emotions during this time. You may cycle through feeling very angry with your ex boyfriend, to feeling glad that the conflicts are over to feeling depressed because you don’t think you’ll ever fall in love again.

As a woman works her way through these emotions, she starts to feel a bit stronger. Suddenly, just thinking about her ex doesn’t push her into a deep pool of despair. She feels like getting out more. She starts taking care of herself the way she used to and she may even laugh from time to time. This is an important part of the healing journey because it signals that the woman has accepted the break up. Even if she still feels something for her ex boyfriend, she’s able to look back at what they shared as part of her past.

How Your Ex Boyfriend Feels After the Break Up

Here’s what happens in the male brain after the relationship ended. Let’s say that your boyfriend was the one who called things off. He told you that he needed space, time or he didn’t love you anymore. Whatever his reasoning was, it hurt, yes? To him it was a means to an end. He may have decided that he wanted a taste of freedom and you were holding him back. Maybe he really did feel that he wasn’t as emotionally connected to you as he once was. Whatever his reasoning was at the time, he now has to move forward with his life. This is really where the difference between men and women is most stark.

Most men can pick up and move on from a break up in what seems like an instant. That’s because men process their emotions much more slowly than we do. A man will immerse himself in new experiences as a coping mechanism. That’s why you’ll often hear about a man marrying another woman soon after he break up with his girlfriend, or a man will move to another city. Those things make it appear as though he’s left the relationship behind him and forgotten about it. The reality is that he’s using those things to try and forget the relationship.

If you do nothing, other than moving forward with your life, you will eventually hear from your ex boyfriend. It may not be this month, this year or within the next two years. At some point, he’s going to reflect back on the relationship and miss you. When you do hear from him it’s an indication that at that point in time he finally realized what he lost. He was finally able to process the break up. In most cases that moment or realization will occur because something else has happened within his life. Maybe he was dumped by his current girlfriend, maybe there was a sudden death in his family, or maybe he got wind of the fact that you’ve grown increasingly closer to a new man. Something will trigger his emotions and they’ll suddenly flow freely and you’ll become the focus of them.

I recognize that this offers little comfort to you if you long to have him back in your life now. If your better judgement tells you that this relationship wasn’t healthy for you, please try your best to focus on the future and let him go.

If you loved him and the relationship was one that was soul nourishing and gave you fulfilment than there is an approach you may want to take now to speed up the process of getting him back. Just be certain it’s truly what you want. Listen to your head, and not just your heart.