When accusation of racism equates the old, "When did you stop beating your wife?" chestnut, it's baseless and toothless.

You have no evidence to the contrary and you have no better argument, so you lob the Molotov cocktail of the race card out and then stand back and blame everyone else for the conflagration that ensues.

I love Sharon Montrose's animal prints in her Etsy shop (and I bought two of them, too). Now I'm drooling over her bigger prints here. Access to really cool critters and cameras out the kazoo -- the chick has everything._____

Once again Obama's team prepares to do an end run around the Constitution. Tell me again why voting for that guy was a good idea? It's a pretty sad state of affairs when the leader of this nation regularly turns up his nose at the laws he swore on Lincoln's bible to protect and uphold._____

Like the Blagoviator, this guy talks way too much. Then again, there's something to be said for a man who only opens his mouth long enough to switch feet..._____

In the first five years of its controversial Urban Health Initiative, the University of Chicago Medical Center has successfully steered thousands of people with non-urgent ailments from its emergency room to other South Side hospitals and clinics that could serve as a "medical home."

But a bigger challenge has been getting people who schedule appointments through the U. of C. program to keep them.

Since the initiative was launched in 2005 with help from first lady Michelle Obama, then U. of C.'s vice president for community and external affairs, only about 35 percent of the almost 16,000 appointments made as of January had been kept, hospital executives said Thursday. [Emphasis mine.]

Having worked for a family law attorney a gazillion years ago and having used a mediator for my own long-ago divorce, I highly recommend anyone who has ever even contemplated walking out the door cut this article out and tuck it away, just in case.

Quite frankly, it's less expensive in all sorts of ways if you can put hurt and anger on the side and treat each other with respect if you part company. It's even more important to suck it up and remember what's important when there are kids involved._____

You're not in the lowest bracket of non-hippie-hood, but you're close. I advise a field trip to a food co-op or a farmer's market. Do a few interviews and take notes, because there will be a quiz next week to see if you've learned anything.

... except, perhaps, the shade of The Princess Mom, who always expected I'd get married barefoot in a Gunne Sax dress with daisies in my hair on a hillside in the country with John Denver music playing softly in the background._____

Made with the finest ingredients, including heavy cream and Wisconsin Grade AA butter (which is churned locally) and complemented by the rich flavor of C&H brown sugar. The soft and chewy caramel is slowly cooked in copper kettles which develops an amazing caramel flavor. These are an absolute delight!

I could never buy a whole bag at once, as I'd eat them in one single sitting. Yes, they're that luscious!_____

SCC correctly points out that this nifty idea for leasing Chicago's bridge houses for advertising purposes during certain holidays will only cover about 1.5% of our shortfall. Whatever income they do bring in, however, will not be on the backs of individual tax payers, and I think that's good. I also think this will create significant additional revenue from tourism, as more holidays than just Christmas are involved:

Corporations each would pay up to $1 million to decorate the houses at each of the city's 14 most prominent bridges around Easter, Independence Day, Halloween and Christmas, said Philip Lynch, president and owner of Lincolnshire-based Fresh Picked Media.

The company would coordinate the effort and keep 25 percent of the profit, leaving $10.5 million for the city if the projections work out, Lynch said.

It's nice to see our aldercritters doing some thinking outside the box for a change.

I'm tired of hearing how all of the people around him should have told him that what he was trying to do, and ordering them to do on his behalf, was illegal. He's an adult, and is responsible for his own behavior.

I've thought much but said little about all the coverage of accusations of racism in the news lately until now.

Here's the deal: If you lob the "racism" label at me, be prepared to give a specific example of what you think I did to earn it. Then I get to weigh whether or not what you say is true and/or valid.

If you are correct, I will apologize and take steps to correct my behavior, attitude and thinking.

If you are not correct, however...

... Pppppppppffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttt! That's the sound of the air wheezing right out of your meaningless little word, rendering it shriveled, puny, worthless and of no consequence whatsoever to me._____

The wounded baby is the child of either a sister or an aunt of the mother who has children with the fighting fathers, according to the lieutenant.

Got all that straight? (I sure don't.) According to the beginning of the article, the wounded baby's mother is the woman with the battling exes. By the end of the story, it's unclear whose baby was shot.

But that a baby was shot at all, let alone for these reasons, is horrifying._____

Our former governor had a lot to say awhile ago, but now, apparently, he doesn't have the — what did he used to call it? — the testicular virility to take the stand in his own defense, as he promised about a gazillion times.

When I was a kid we had Band-Aid brand bandages that were size tiny and useless -- about 1/4 inch wide and about an inch long. We also had those little round dots (3/4" diameter) that dads used to stick over their shaving nicks. (Kind of like these, which apparently are good for "insect bites, zits, etc.")

He's hiring a whopping 100 more officers... when we're understaffed by more than 2,000.

We've got a problem here, in that a good chunk of the population here no longer fears the CPD. We've had not one, but two officers in uniform killed recently, and the last one by three thugs who walked up and robbed and killed him in daylight when there was no mistaking the fact that he was in uniform.

"In your recent column you mentioned that it is difficult for plus sized women to find beautiful dresses for special occasions in stores. That may be so, but etailers have taken over where retailers refuse to go. And good for them! Here's a smattering of etailers who offer lovely options for dressy occasions at all price points and for all plus size body types." (I listed a bunch of links for etailers like Igigi, Kiyonna and more.)

We emailed back and forth a couple of times, and I thought that was the end of it... but, no! Today I got this heads-up:

I'm going to use some of your suggestions in the column on july 29. I will identify you as “L.S.” if that’s ok!!! I looked at the sites and there’s some wonderful stuff there. You’ve done plus size gals a great service and now I will pass it on. Thanks, Leslie.

There won’t be any music at my service. This is a memorial not a rock concert for Christ’s sake. I don’t need people waving lighters in the air or doing super-tokes to the strains of “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” or “Only the Good Die Young.”

If there must be background noise, I want a Halloween sound effects tape full of chain rattling, howling wind and unsettled moaning – it’s dramatic and much more in keeping with the occasion.

On my last trip to Ireland, I carried my trusty Canon Powershot... and my friend Judy carried a Canon EOS Digital Rebel. I'd be blasting off shot after shot, and Judy would take her camera out of the bag, shoot one frame, and stick it back in the camera bag.

It. Drove. Me. Nuts. (I mean, if you're going to have a camera that great, the least you can do is use it, dammit.)

I've been slavering over digital SLRs ever since, but I've been held back by the fact that the darned things are so big, clunky and freaking heavy.

I carry my camera, laptop and Kindle with me everywhere, so portability is an issue with me -- and a big one.

Then I stumbled across Micro Four Thirds SLRs.

Oh. My. Gawd.

That created a whole new round of obsession, pouring over reviews and weighing pros and cons. Sony. Olympus. Samsung. Lumix.

Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!

But my grandson is coming, and the dithering around needed to stop, because I fully intend to take gorgeous photos of the little All Star right from the get-go.

My family attended a very small Methodist Church in Lombard, IL for years. Money was always tight there, and we didn't always have the $$$ to pay for a guest preacher when the regular reverend took his well-needed vacation breaks.

During the summers when the pastor went on hiatus, we'd occasionally have a Sunday service that was pretty much one long hymn-sing where the lay leader would take requests, shout them up to the oganist in the choir loft at the rear of the church, and we'd be off to the races. (Yes, these were the services Diana loved the best.)

I'll start you off with a couple of family favorites. Link your own favorites in the comments, will you?

How's that for freaking lazy... not to mention disingenuous? This is astroturfing, pure and simple. (And I'm half tempted to start asking picketers to see their union cards, and alerting the local media if they don't have 'em.)

If this is what senior GOP strategists are thinking, they're NOT listening to the Tea Party folks, who are just as distrusting of the incumbents whose inactivity and/or ineffectiveness have brought us to the wreck this country's in today.

I'm an independent, and I'm not voting for anyone if I don't have a clear picture of what his or her agenda is.

Pay attention. Put your freaking cards on the table, folks.

_____

I know that the localpapers expect Blagojevich to testify in his own defense, and the Blagoviator himself has said over and over again that he couldn't wait for the opportunity to tell the jury his sad tale... but I'm beginning to lean in Zorn's direction.

Blago likes to pick his audience to make sure it's friendly.

He certainly didn't choose to testify in Springfield when he was impeached...

Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

_____

From my Brother-in-Law:

Because I'm a man...

...when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

...when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

...when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

...I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk and bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu". For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

...when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

...I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how could he know where we're going?

...there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

...I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come vist us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

...you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

...I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt of without it...looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

...and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally with the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

This has been a public service message from Men Helping Women to Better Understand the Male.

_____

From Paul...

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again--but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A trucker stops for a red light, and a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.

The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

Then again, Denny does live in Jawja, and I'm not sure he's ever even seen a salt truck before..._____

From Jan...

MARKETING 101: A SHORT LESSON

You see a gorgeous hunk at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed".That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed".That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous hunk at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "I'm fantastic in bed".That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "I'm fantastic in bed".That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous hunk. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed".That's Brand Recognition.

I call bullshit... and the article bears that out: "'Tacky aside, I will look tacky for $40,000!' she said." Obviously.

I need a shower. That whole story carries a stink that just won't wash off easily._____

I find it interesting that the Chicago Tribune gives no credit to Sean Wasson, a/k/a The News Junkie, for his successful radio campaign which, I believe, played a major role in this success story:

The controversial American arm of an international Islamic group has been bounced from the Marriott in Oak Brook, where organizers were set to host the group's second annual conference this Sunday.

For at least three weeks running, Wasson blasted the Marriott on his WGN radio show, and he exhorted his listeners to call the Marriott's main number, as well as the reservation desk at the Oak Brook to express their outrage at Marriott's welcome of Hizb ut-Tahrir.

On more than one occasion, a Marriott called Wasson and begged him to call off the dogs. That, of course, only encouraged him to turn up the heat.

I find the new evangelical broadcasts interesting, because the message is all about feeling good about yourself and God wanting you to be rich and successful, etc.

There's not a lot of mention of sin, or serving or the fact that Jesus, in fact, asked his followers to give up everything and follow him. (In fact, you'll be hard-pressed to find a mention of Jesus in those programs.) Now those are the teachings that I grew up on.