I am not always this bad - it was my way of dealing with the stress and anxiety. (I took no drugs)

dude - it was the ONE thing you could control. no wonder you went overboard.

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

When he opened the door I instantly felt sorry for him. He was a broken man - his life is pathetic. ... There was no life no vitality. I felt compassion for him. ... I could see it in his eyes that he felt inferior to me and intimidated. The difference in our status in every way was like chalk and cheese. I realised I didn't need all that 'prep' work to 'beat' him. I already was the better man. He was by far more scared of me than I was of him.

your humanity shines through here. a victim often has more compassion than one who has not suffered as much. interesting that bullies and perps are often frightened when confronted by truth. perhaps proving his guilt?

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

I opened the packet of Tim Tams I brought with me as an ice breaker and he made 2 cups of tea......

Quite a peace offering - that had to make an impression! i am salivating right now!

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

I spoke softly but purposefully. I started by saying that what happened between us all those years ago was betwwen us and I wanted it to stay that way. I did not want him to let anyone else in the family know about my visit or any of the details we shared here. He agreed. I reassured him that I had no intention of filling charges against him and I wanted this to be healing for us both.

i am very proud of you.

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

I felt like I was talking to a fellow survior. I let him speak first .......

you ARE both survivors - but it sounds like YOU have overcome more and ended up better off than him. chances are he hasn't really worked at it like you have. maybe still in denial? whereas you - even by taking this trip have shown your strength. well done on that count.

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

I AM sorry for all the suspense but I can't handle talking about it in one go.

don't rush it. we'll still be here...

Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy

If anything I thought it was a chance to say look what you can't have anymore and how empowering it would be to stop it.

OK - but it easily could have sent mixed messages.

Lee, it sounds like you are doing well. just be prepared for a slump or emotional backlash. often after a high - there is a sudden and unexpected low. forewarned is forearmed.Lee

_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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