Writer

Logline Critique 16

Thirteen-year-old Megan is sick of her family. She’s stuck in the middle between her over-achieving big brother and insufferably cute baby sister, and she can’t get the time of day from her parents. Then the producers of the reality show, Fix Your Life!, steal her super-secret-do-not-read-on-pain-of-death journal and grant her wish. Poof—her family disappears. Megan has seven days to solve a series of clues to bring them back or they’ll be gone forever.

Like this:

Related

Post navigation

8 thoughts on “Logline Critique 16”

This logline is great – you’ve got stakes, you’ve got voice, and you’ve got me wanting to read it. The only minor tweak I might add is maybe calling it a “magical” reality show – or somehow indicate that they do have the power to disappear her family forever.
Also, one small general comment – when I started querying my MG Fantasy it had a 13-year-old MC and I called it an Upper MG, I was told (and confirmed by my agent) that Upper MG isn’t *really* a thing (there’s no Upper MG section in bookstores), and 13 is a dead-zone for MCs. So I had to age him down to 12 and call it MG. Hope this helps, sounds like you’ve got a great story there! Good luck with it.

I really like the premise of this reality TV show and the middle child syndrome and that she has 7 days to fix things. The idea that the tv producers would steal her journal seems far-fetched. Is there a better way to introduce the journal (love the description) without implying the journal was stolen?

I love this log line and definitely want to read the book. Regarding the comment above, about the far-fetched notion that the producers of the show would steal her journal, if you take K’s advice and include in the log line that the show is “magical”, you might also be able to imply that the producers have extra-ordinary powers- and solve that problem, also giving better clues to the genre. Great job!