Although I am the fourth of six children, I have always taken a lead role in my family from my late teens. As my father has been unemployed, an alcoholic and my mother schizophrenic I supported my family for years. Now we children are doing well (all professionals) and in our 50s to 40s.

About eight years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer and underwent two treatments. During that time I depended on my siblings (particularly my elder sister and younger brother) for emotional support. Also, I took a back seat in caring for my aging parents. During that time my mother was neglected by all other children. My younger brother who was accommodating her neglected her badly, locking her up and starving her at times.

When I recovered from cancer sufficiently, I purchased a house (with substantial financial strain) for my parents. Soon after they moved into new place, without consulting with me, my father and four siblings moved my mother to a rest home, leaving an unemployed alcoholic aging father in my hands. As I couldn’t handle my father, I evicted him from my house. Subsequently, he found a place in a rest home.

Now, none of my family (except one) will communicate with me.

Particularly hard is that they withhold information on my mother’s health from me, whom I love very much.

I do sympathize with you. Life can be a real pain. I am hurting so much by my life. It is so unbearable to live with what people have done and are doing.

I frequently look at myself and think it has got to be my fault because of all these broken relationships. But yours does seem to be the one situation.

When my husband left me 27 years ago with three sons and no money or explanations I thought it could not get any worse. I thought he loved me and I had brought our sons up while he was away. Then over the years those sons have betrayed me. The eldest left after the breakdown of my marriage despite me begging over the years. He would rather make out I am the bad person. I thought everything was fine with my other two.

He got married had two children. Then out of the blue he informed me he had sought his older brother out all behind my back. So they are united in their hate for me. I do not see my grandchildren. The younger one fell out a few years ago but he has been deeply affected by his dad doing this. He made peace last year and I can see his three children.

I myself did move on and jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. I married had two more sons who again I devoted my life to. But my husband is cruel. He does not share a bed with me. No affection whatsoever. He sits in one room and me another. We do nothing together. I am sad and I am lonely.

I do feel life has been unfair particularly when I see other people’s perfect lives. Maybe I have deserved it. I must walk around with a sign saying “hurt me”.

You sound like a caring person, an empath, a gentle soul. Unfortunately, the world can be brutal to empaths, especially amongst narcissist creatures who usually have no feelings, no soul, and only know how to take from people like you and suck up all you positive energy.

In the first place, it might be what triggered cancer. I am sorry to hear about your plight but I just would like to let you know there is hope and once you surround yourself with kind people and establish a “no contact” with the narcissist ones you will give yourself a much better chance to heal as your vibrations will rise. Trust me on this, I am recovering from family abuse myself.

I think we are all on this board to read, comment and vent. We seek help and to validate we aren’t alone in our struggles.

When I finally posted asking for help there were a few comments that I didn’t think we’re as “kind” as the others but do know what? Now 9 months on I am so grateful that I received all types of comments and advice. And tough love is what I needed to hear. And it can be the hardest to hear and accept.

It sounds as if you have done your best your entire life to be a caring adult. You have been through a lot with cancer. Those of us that have received a cancer diagnosis and/or lost a family member to cancer know and respect what you’ve been through. I want to address that first because your mental health is vital and you must keep your physical health strong!

I won’t go into details about my story but I had one or two people tell me to move on and that I couldn’t force my brother to include me or love me. It was heartbreaking but their words stayed with me.

I found that when I took the power away from the person/people in my family that were hurting me it was as if a dark cloud lifted. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still a struggle. There are still hard days. Difficult situations to navigate (I just returned from a family wedding but I held up well utilizing my new mindset).

I think taking their power away and acceptance are the keys.

It must be very hard for you to not know how your mother is doing. The other is the issue to navigate is the unequal treatment. Where is the outrage at the siblings who didn’t take care of your mother (parents) while you were fighting your cancer battle?

But acceptance comes in here, life isn’t fair. People blame. People deflect blame to make themselves feel and look better. Yet you can’t get caught up in the “who did what” and the “tit for tat.”

Lastly you must learn your legal rights regarding your mother. I would contact a counselor on your own or use the toll free number the poster gave you.

Cut the middle people out. They obviously aren’t going to give you the information you seek so you need to go about it in a different manner.

In the event one of your siblings has obtained a Power of Attorney or has listed you as someone that is not allowed to visit your mother you must find out your legal rights. HIPPA laws, the care home and doctors must follow them and will prevent them from releasing information about your mother to you.

You also stated one of your siblings is still in contact with you. Maybe they can be a source of information about your mother.

Do you live close to your mothers care home? Can you visit her? If you don’t live close can you make arrangements to visit?

But I still believe you need to research the laws and find out your legal rights to visit your mother and obtain information on her status and to be given updates by her doctors.

Right now due to your mothers health situation I would focus on finding out your legal rights and proceed from there. And personally I would only focus on her. And the sibling still communicating with you.

I am not clear if you lived in the house you purchased for your parents but I would make sure you take the legal steps to ensure that in the event the home could be part of your parents estate and which could leave you fighting for the home.

Lastly, cancer changes our outlook and I think it makes us extra sensitive when others don’t value life as we do.