If you needed further proof that the apocalypse is indeed near, then check out the newest Maxim! In their October issue, not only can you marvel at Anna Kournikova and her wondrous curves in 3D, you can also read up on Caps Superfan Goat!

For those who have no idea who he is (how did you find our blog?), here’s the jumbotron video the Caps produced of him a few years ago:

Below the jump, we’ve transcribed the article he’s been featured in and included a scan of the page. You know, for the people who would never buy this kinda smut in a million years (Dan Steinberg).