For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history.

Here's SI's Sign of the Apocalypse this week:

In an effort to raise funding, the Voukefalas amateur soccer club in Larissa, Greece, has signed two local brothels as sponsors and is wearing their logos on pink practice jerseys.

The introductory clause is the most unintentionally awesome part of this supposed SotA. Why, of course every sponsorship is "to raise funding," right? Or is this to clarify that it wasn't merely to ingratiate themselves with the madams? Either way, the move by an amateur European soccer club to so flagrantly associate with sex workers is truly a red flag that reads "end times ahead."

At least 58 people were killed when Hurricane Sandy smashed through the Caribbean this week, leveling thousands of homes and taking aim at America's East Coast, prompting at least six governors to declare states of emergency.