Guest Post: Maggie S.

Hello, Readers! I’m featuring the lovely Maggie S. today! I love her cheeky sense of humor, and I bet you will, too! Please give her a warm welcome.

ps: Sorry I’ve been scarce lately; for the past two weeks, I’ve been cooking up a storm for the Minxes’ wonderful teachers, courtesy of the Freakshow PTO lady. More to follow regarding this matter.

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Hi. I’m Maggie. I’m new here. I met TKW after leaving a comment on one of her posts, which she apparently found funny because she promptly asked me to guest post. This is the only time I’ve mentioned a table dance and coffee from the Interstate Welcome Center in the same sentence and been invited to guest post. Finally! Promise.

While we’re making introductions, I think I should mention that this is “Maggie,” the public persona. I go to church and homeschool my kids and try to remember not to curse in front of my husband.

However, I recently “out-ed” my blog self to my IRL online activities. And immediately felt bound and gagged. Not in the Fifty Shades of Grey way, alas.

The kind of restricted like when you drop in to visit Grandma and her minister is there. Grandma’s a lovely woman and a terrific cook, but if you walk in with bad posture and torn jeans while the pastor is there? Granny’ll cut ya.

That kind.

I realized the folly of my actions when my daughters’ friends, and their friends’ younger siblings began asking their parents, “What are ‘Camels’ and ‘Night Train?'”

Clearly, that was not what I said. What I said was, “I’ve had sex and I’ve had cake.” It is not my fault that the poor gal who named her dessert “Better-than-Sex-Cake,” hadn’t. Or what she’d been offered had been a product of the least possible competence and effort.

The reason I bring this up is that there are plenty of foods I consider Better-Than-Better-Than-Sex-Cake. I should probably should add a disclaimer that I don’t typically choose cake if cinnamon rolls or cookies are available. And I don’t compare desserts with…

Never. Mind.

So, here we go. The Official List of Top Ten Foods that are Better than Cake:

2) Bacon. I received 27 pounds of bacon for my birthday this year. The only reason that bacon isn’t #1 on this list is because there’s just a freaking limit.

3) Fried rice. Now when I’m ordering it, I think, “Whatever. It’s just rice.” But when I taste it, I’m all like, “Hot Dang! This stuff is goooood.” I have no idea what they put in fried rice, but it’s magic.

Hey ladies!! Love you both. I’m new to the blogging world and have gotten to know Maggie more and more recently. She obviously hasn’t tried my molten lava cake. It would make the namer of better-than-sex cake blush in shame. :)

My niece was visiting last weekend. I made baked lemon-pepper (Panko) chicken, greens, and mashed potatoes. Potatoes that I peeled, sliced, boiled, mashed, seasoned, mashed some more, stirred, mashed some more, added more milk, stirred, mashed some damn more CRAMP! I’VE GOT A CRAMP! Stirred slowly until use of my arm returned, added cheese and BAM! When her mom came to pick her up, she said, Mommy, how come I never feel all warm and sleepy after I eat three helpings of mashed potatoes at home?

She should rename her cake to Better Than After Sex Pie Cake (because cake after sex is just better.) Also, glad to make your ‘quaintance, Maggie (as I curtsy.)