Learning to live with chronic pain and illness gracefully

Fashion Foibles

Well, the weekend was both better and worse than I hoped. I got a lot off my “must do” list and finally got started on some fun stuff. Unfortunately, much of Saturday evening was hijacked by out-of-control pain, treatment for which made Sunday evening pretty unpleasant and cut short socialization. It was very a much a “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation and I’m still pretty pissed about it. Conflicting prescription side-effects suck.

Work load is heavy but we’re keeping up. I have finally admitted that I need new work clothes desperately- I have been wearing the same seven outfits for the last month or two. I have started to lose a very little amount of weight, but I really can’t wait any longer- half my wardrobe is too small and even if I lose enough weight there are things I won’t wear even if they fit since they are not really suitable for work (plunging necklines + boobs makes for constant clothing adjustment and self-consciousness).

Part of the problem is the ridiculousness of current women’s styles. I admit that I am pattern- and colour-shy, but certain styles are only suitable for twigs or tweens. Trying to find clothing that is age-appropriate without being dowdy or hideous is a challenge. Add in the fact that I have broad shoulders *and* hips, and some of the current trends would throw me on “What Not to Wear” faster than I can blink.

Here’s my list of “warning” words:

Dip-dyed = “This will either make your shoulders or your waist look even larger than they already are. Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!”

Dry Clean Only = “Will only wear once.”

Embellished, Sequined, Embossed = “The attached bits will fall off in the laundry and be painfully obvious so you can only ever wear this item once.”

Embroidered = “This shirt/skirt will gather, pull and wrinkle in the laundry so it will only look good for a long as you don’t clean it.”

Empire = “Your waistline will be right under your boobs, making both your boobs and you belly look huge and guarantee that someone will ask how many months along you are.”

Front patch pockets/front patch pockets with buttons = “This top will make people stare at your boobs, which will look larger than usual.”

Horizontal stripes = “This blouse will make you look as wide as a wall.”

Medium = “Not big enough.”

Pleated, Smocked = “Your bumpy bits will smooth out what is obviously supposed to be a crease and attract attention in a way that you don’t really want.”

Roll-tab Sleeves = “Do you have large upper arms? Do you want to look like you have large upper arms?”

Puffed Shoulders = “You will look like a quarterback dressed like an eight year old.”

Shirred, Ruched, Guteed, Gathered, Cowl Neck = “This top will make you bulgy in places that you aren’t.”

Stiletto = “You will not be able to wear these shoes for more than five minutes, and in those five minutes you will fall down. A lot. You will not be able to walk. At all.”

Tunic = “See Empire.”

Clearly, this limits my options somewhat. I like knits and stick to solids but am slowly stretching out into bolder colours. I need more slacks badly, so a trip to Kohl’s is in my immediate future- probably Wednesday after work. I do loathe clothes shopping. :{