Stop being the string along: A relationship guide to being
THE ONE

Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true self
with, a partner who will treat you with love and respect.

The subconscious social conditioning we receive to get or
capture another causes us to fail and to string ourselves along,
while we simultaneously hide our real selves. This robs both
people equally of the opportunity to get to know, love, and
care for each other, while maintaining a solid sense of self.

Being Equals

It does not matter if you are male or female, nor does it
matter what your sexual preferences are. The only thing that
matters is that you view yourself and the other person as fully
equal human beings.

This means that your preferences and standards are equally
as important as the other person's. As a result, they are equally
respected.

This means that compromising your integrity or the other
person's integrity is not an option.

Games and manipulation are not an option. Do you like it
when someone plays games and tries to manipulate you? Of course
not. Therefore, trying to manipulate the other person must never
even be considered.

Equals do not engage in a power play. There must be mutual
respect. You must care enough about the other person's feelings
to dare to be honest; and you must be honest even if you feel
scared or fear that stating your truth might be hurtful to the
other, as long as your motive is pure and comes from your heart.

It is the heart center within each person that ties us all
together. Both men and women have feelings, and those feelings
deserve to be honored at the expense of no one.

Being Who You Are and True to Yourself

In a relationship, being The One means being who you are,
and sharing yourself honestly and genuinely with the other person.

This honesty requires the courage to speak your truth, even
if you fear rejection. It means that you stop holding back out
of fear and start expressing your feelings kindly and graciously.
What matters most is that you express your truth. Holding back
your truth out of fear robs you of the ability to share your
true self with the other, and it robs the other person of the
opportunity to really know who you are, how you feel, what you
think, and what you want.

Stifling your truth causes the relationship to break down.
It causes the relationship to stagnate or slowly deteriorate.
At all stages of a relationship, from the first meeting through
decades of being together, sharing your truth will never hurt
you. Withholding your truth, however, will always hurt both
you and the relationship.

When you share your interests, talents, essence, and life
purpose with the other person, he receives the gift of getting
to know the incredible being that you are. You must find the
courage to show your authentic self; you must risk daring to
be the real you.

If you fear loss, ultimately you lose your sense of self.
Once you lose your self-worth, you begin to slowly deteriorate.
Then, sadly, the relationship naturally follows that same downward
spiral. On the flip side, taking a risk to share your genuine
feelings, thoughts, and preferences will bring authentic truth
into the relationship, and you can both thrive. But if you are
not suited for each other, then it is better to part rather
than string yourself or the other person along out of any sort
of fear.

Don't you want to know the truth about what the other person
feels and thinks? Well, the other person deserves to know the
same about you.

If you receive a phone call, do not act indifferent, as if
you just received a call from a telemarketer. If you are happy
to hear from him or her, simply say, "I'm happy to hear from
you" or "It's good to hear from you." Say the truth. People
want to be liked and appreciated; they don't want to be treated
like yesterday's newspaper.

If the other person says or does something that you really
do not like, say, "When you said that, I felt hurt" or "When
you did that, I felt rejected, and it would be so great if you
would have done this instead."

If you let the person know, in the moment, when he does or
says something that upsets you, you will simply communicate
your truth graciously and, at the same time, let him know what
you would prefer instead. You don't need to create a dramatic
scene. Simply and calmly state your truth, and show your respect
for the other person by letting him know what you would prefer,
rather than expecting him to read your mind.

Only you can read your mind. You must communicate clearly
so that you can have clarity rather than ambiguity within the
relationship. If you're walking on eggshells, promptly stand
in your truth and muster up the courage to be real enough to
state what is on your mind. This will open the door to clear
communication. If the person genuinely wants to be with you,
your authenticity will only help by giving him the opportunity
to open up and be authentic with you in return.

If your truth leads to a breakup, wouldn't you rather have
someone in your life who really wants to be with you? Do you
really prefer to walk on eggshells, putting up with words and
behaviors that are far less than what you deserve?

This is your choice. You can choose to string yourself or
the other along, but in the end, this choice only diminishes
your self-esteem.

The greatest way to enhance your self-esteem is to be true
to yourself on all levels of your life. This will naturally
be reflected in how truthful you are with the other person.
Whether you stay together or not, at least your relationship
will be authentic. It's always much better to go with the truth
in your heart and soul. You can never go wrong with the truth.

Taking the Games Out of Relationships

People don't want to be with others who are pining away for
them, willing to sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self-esteem
just to go along out of fear of rocking the boat or losing the
relationship. Nobody truly wants a doormat.

Neither the person who gets stomped on nor the person who
does the stomping enjoys a fulfilling, rewarding relationship
that contributes great joy to life.

Nobody wins in a string along relationship. Everybody wins
when you are both equally The One.

To attract, thrive, and share a life with The One, to grow
together, you have to be The One at all times, with zero games.

Being The One means you do not settle. You refuse to settle
because you know your worth. You refuse to manipulate just to
get what you want by deception of any kind; you have too much
integrity to lower yourself by playing manipulation games. You
have too much self-love to sacrifice your truth. You have too
much self-honesty to keep quiet out of fear. You care too much
for the other as an equal member of the human race to even consider
asking him to sacrifice his truth just to please you.

If there are difficulties in the relationship, you must sit
down together and share from your hearts everything that is
upsetting to you, with each person receiving equal time on center
stage to share his feelings, and with a shared desire to come
to a mutually agreeable solution.

If you have tried many times to work it out, and you genuinely
feel that there is no relationship left that resembles the kind
you really desire and deserve, then peacefully walk out of the
relationship. Then you can both attract new partners who you
can have a mutually satisfying relationship with.

The One doesn't even consider manipulative games or sacrificing
self-truth to appease the other, and doesn't keep the status
quo out of a martyred sense of self-denial.

View yourself and the other person purely as equal members
of the human race. Have a life or create a life that you are
passionate about so that you can share who you really are with
the other.

Show your real feelings. State your real feelings. If you're
not sure of your real feelings, simply say so. If you feel scared,
it's okay to say that. This openness creates a platform for
authentic intimacy, in which it is safe to share your truth.
The other person might very well react with relief because you
have the courage to be real instead of hiding behind a façade,
pretending to be what you think you're supposed to be in order
to gain approval.

The only approval and validation you ever need can come only
from within you. Far too many people tiptoe around learned cultural
rules and regulations to "capture" the other person. How about
being the real you so that the other person has an opportunity
to get to know who you are and what you're all about.

You don't have to go overboard to prove how lovable and incredible
you are. The key to taking the games out of relationships is
to stop playing head games with yourself, trying to figure out
how you can "get" or "keep" the other person. The key is in
getting and keeping your own life, and seeing the other person
as a part of your life rather than your central focus. Don't
just pretend to be busy--be passionately absorbed in your life!
Don't just say you're not available; be available when you can
be, but honor the other priorities in your life. Waiting by
the phone is not a priority.

If you focus on the other person as the be-all and end-all
of your life purpose, then do yourself a big favor: take that
focus and place it on becoming your best self and on contributing
your best to this world. Then, when you are genuinely available
to see the other person, see him and have a blast. If you feel
like sending flowers, send them. If you're in a relationship
and you both want it to thrive, it's okay for a woman to do
something kind for a guy, and vice versa, as long as kindness
is reciprocated. The relationship must be equal on all levels.
If it's not, why are you still in it? If you're being taken
for granted, leave. If you're being treated the way you have
always wanted to be treated, then treat the other person the
same way. Take the male-female games out of the equation. Games
may work for a short time, but they never make for a healthy,
authentic relationship. In the end, games don't work.

If you think you have to put on an act or cover up your true
self, then it's time to ask yourself what you are so afraid
of. Usually the answer is that you're afraid the real you is
not lovable. To counter that, be who you really are.

If you make truth the rule of thumb on all levels, you cannot
go wrong. If you need more solitude, simply say so. If you would
like to see the other person more, it's okay to say, "I have
such an awesome time with you. It would be great if I could
see you more." Then, trust your instincts about the response
you get. If the other person is swamped, then understand. If
you're picking up signals that you sense are nonsense, then
honor what your smart intuition is telling you, and get busy
with your own life, with zero complaints. Someone can be busy
but still call. Someone can be out of town and still send flowers.
Someone who really cares shows it. Moreover, when you really
care about you, you can show it to yourself by the excitement
you put into your own life, and by sharing your activities with
the other person when you do get together.

Stop worrying so much if you are "getting it right." Be your
shining self.

Stop worrying if you are going to "mess everything up." Be
honest.

Stop worrying about who should be chasing whom. Share your
authentic self.

Stop settling for less than you deserve. State what you prefer.

Stop compromising your integrity. Deal truthfully with the
other person on all levels.

Stop wasting your time trying to capture the other person.
Let your life purpose capture you.

Stop being the string along. Honor every feeling you have,
and dare to be true to you.

Barbara Rose, PhD. most widely known as "Born To Inspire"
is the best selling author of "Know Yourself",
"If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!", "Stop
Being the String Along", "If God Was Like Man"
and Individual Power. She is an internationally
recognized expert in the field of personal transformation, relationships
and spiritual awakening. Barbara is a pioneering force in incorporating
Higher Self Communication, the study and integration of humanity’s
God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution.
Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, tele-seminars,
widely published articles, and intensives have transformed the
lives of thousands across the globe. She is the founder of IHSC
-Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine
and Rose Humanitarian Alliance. Barbara holds a Ph.D. in Metaphysics
and works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual
leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of
humanity. Visit her website
http://www.borntoinspire.com

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