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Topic: Should I say something? (Read 13831 times)

********Update********So I talked to Grandma today. I was blunt and said I could not understand her, her speech was extremely garbled and she had trouble even telling me what she wanted to eat. I also said that she was exceptionally imaginative and was intelligent, but her speech issues are a big deal. She cut me off and told me to have her point, draw, or to talk slower I give up. They don't care and that upsets me, but I have said my piece and after tomorrow, I am going to think long and hard about whether I am going to continue watching her. I feel sorry for the kindergarten teacher who gets her ..no social skills with kids her own age, garbled speech, and lackadaisical parents.

********Update********So I talked to Grandma today. I was blunt and said I could not understand her, her speech was extremely garbled and she had trouble even telling me what she wanted to eat. I also said that she was exceptionally imaginative and was intelligent, but her speech issues are a big deal. She cut me off and told me to have her point, draw, or to talk slower I give up. They don't care and that upsets me, but I have said my piece and after tomorrow, I am going to think long and hard about whether I am going to continue watching her. I feel sorry for the kindergarten teacher who gets her ..no social skills with kids her own age, garbled speech, and lackadaisical parents.

The poor poor little girl. This just breaks my heart. Who really thinks it is OK for a child of her age to have to point or draw??? What is wrong with people!?

That said, I think you really have done all you can.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Have you handed them a piece of paper with a name, address, and phone of a speech therapist/evaluator?If you haven't, then you really haven't done all you can.

Because right now the conversation is starting off establishing that there's a problem.

That's overwhelming, and they end the conversation.

Maybe if the conversations always started with the *SOLUTION*--"I bet speech therapy would really make life easier for her!" or "What a great imagination--a speech therapist would have a lot of fun helping her learn how to speak more clearly." Or "She's so bright--I wonder if getting her hearing evaluated would be the first step in her learning to speak more clearly."

I think you should drop it. You are not this child's mother and while it is extremely frustrating to see this happen, legally there is nothing you can do but be a resource for them....if they ask.

*You are getting more and more frustrated about a situation that you can't change.* I think if you can't deal with seeing this little girl suffer like this, then the best thing to do is to stop being her caregiver.

For the record, I do believe you are right in pushing this knowledge to her parents and caregivers. I also think that you care and want the best for this little girl.

********Update********So I talked to Grandma today. I was blunt and said I could not understand her, her speech was extremely garbled and she had trouble even telling me what she wanted to eat. I also said that she was exceptionally imaginative and was intelligent, but her speech issues are a big deal. She cut me off and told me to have her point, draw, or to talk slower I give up. They don't care and that upsets me, but I have said my piece and after tomorrow, I am going to think long and hard about whether I am going to continue watching her. I feel sorry for the kindergarten teacher who gets her ..no social skills with kids her own age, garbled speech, and lackadaisical parents.

At this point, I think I would drop it. If Grandma went so far to tell you to have the child point or draw, it seems clear that they know she has a problem. It also seems clear that they are unwilling to address it at this point, for whatever reason. It could be they don't feel they can take time off from work, or they worry about the cost. But they don't want to deal with it right now and I don't know how you can make them. Frustrating.

Have you handed them a piece of paper with a name, address, and phone of a speech therapist/evaluator?If you haven't, then you really haven't done all you can.

Because right now the conversation is starting off establishing that there's a problem.

That's overwhelming, and they end the conversation.

Maybe if the conversations always started with the *SOLUTION*--"I bet speech therapy would really make life easier for her!" or "What a great imagination--a speech therapist would have a lot of fun helping her learn how to speak more clearly." Or "She's so bright--I wonder if getting her hearing evaluated would be the first step in her learning to speak more clearly."

I agree. You've been blunt that you can't understand her, but it doesn't sound like you've been blunt with your opinion that she needs to see a therapist (correct me if I missed it). It sounds like they're deluding themselves with "Oh she's such a mumbler. Haha!" Maybe they need someone in-the-know to say the words "speech therapy"?

If you're considering not babysitting for them anymore what do you have to lose if they get mad and find a new sitter? For the sake of the little girl I'd try one more time and actually lay it out there. Toots has some great suggestions for how to do that. If you're worried about a negative reaction you could email or leave a voicemail when you know they aren't around. Give them time to process what you've said before they're obligated to respond (I know they might respond immediately anyway, but they wouldn't have to like if you were standing there.).

I give up. They don't care and that upsets me, but I have said my piece and after tomorrow, I am going to think long and hard about whether I am going to continue watching her. I feel sorry for the kindergarten teacher who gets her ..no social skills with kids her own age, garbled speech, and lackadaisical parents.

Have you considered that perhaps they can't afford to take her for speech therapy?

I think TootsNYC may be onto something. Perhaps one last attempt would be in order, just to make sure that the family understand the possible dangers (the fact that the poor girl won't be able to make herself understood if she suddenly falls ill or if there's an accident).

But if the family still don't want to take any action, I'm afraid you do have to drop it.

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I give up. They don't care and that upsets me, but I have said my piece and after tomorrow, I am going to think long and hard about whether I am going to continue watching her. I feel sorry for the kindergarten teacher who gets her ..no social skills with kids her own age, garbled speech, and lackadaisical parents.

Have you considered that perhaps they can't afford to take her for speech therapy?

Maybe money is tight for this family, but even if it is, there are usually options. When my older DS was as young as 3 yrs old he qualified for speech and other services at our local public school. And as for private speech therapy, it can often be subsidized or be on a sliding scale. Universities are a great source for services, as well. The key is to be proactive.

In short, lack of money is no excuse to ignore the situation. Ignorance, denial - that seems to be what is going on here.

I think TootsNYC may be onto something. Perhaps one last attempt would be in order, just to make sure that the family understand the possible dangers (the fact that the poor girl won't be able to make herself understood if she suddenly falls ill or if there's an accident).

But if the family still don't want to take any action, I'm afraid you do have to drop it.

Well, it's not that I think she should focus on the dangers.

That's alarming and it shuts people down.

I think the OP should start focusing on the things they *can do*.

So instead of saying "I can't understand her," say, "I heard of a speech therapist."Say "speech therapy would do wonders for her!"

See the difference?

And I think that I personally (if I felt as strongly as the OP has indicated she does, and if I felt as sure of the problem as she does) would make about 10 phone calls to find out of there's any low-cost way to have the child evaluated, and then I'd start mentioning that conversationally.

I might start saying stuff like "when you get her started on speech therapy" as if it's a given, but it just hasn't happened yet.

Start do my small part to create an atmosphere in which the idea of taking the kid to speech therapy is simply an obvious thing that will soon happen.

I know what insurance she has and it would pay for 100%, and the school district does do the early intervention, and does it in the home. These are things we have talked about in the past when she has asked about my DD's various treatments. And I agree with Jaxsue...there is no reason for a child to suffer because there is so many programs out there. When my DD's daycare teachers brought up to me that they were concerned about her lack of speech, I investigated all the options. I don't have alot of money either, but when it comes to your children, my opinion is you do what you have to do to make things right. And if her Dad can afford a brand new professional drum set (not cheap, he told me the price!) they can afford to make sure their DD can talk ! They all keep cutting me off when I start talking because, I feel, they know I am going to mention speech therapy and that would require work on their end. The mom works literally right next to where I take my DD...she is the one who helped me find it when we started going there!

I have to say, this thread kind of surprises me. I am under the impression that it isn't polite to keep interjecting oneself into another person's decisions regarding their children's health absent immediate danger. In this situation, there are any number of unknown factors - maybe they have taken her to a doctor who has made recommendations, maybe there are reasons why therapy isn't an option for this family (OP - I know you say you know it is, but I doubt you are privy to every aspect of their private life), maybe they are trying to deal with it in some way but just don't want to discuss it with the OP). I think trying to help the first couple times was good and responsible towards the child, but at this point, I can almost see how the parents would be getting offended at a person repeatedly bringing up this subject.

Nyachan...I agree that I have said it enough and will say no more, but I do know that the kids go to the annual well visits and that is it. They are not proactive because I have in the past made suggestions for enrichment camps for the older boy (who is extremely smart but needs some challenging) with phone numbers and scholarship info and they didn't do anything. They said he was fine staying with Grandma all day. I have told them about the free days they have at the local zoo and museums and they said they didn't feel like it because they were tired. They are just very lackadaisical about going above basic parenting. They love them, there is no doubt, but as long as they are clean, fed, have a roof over their heads and the boy has his homework done, they are happy.

Nyachan...I agree that I have said it enough and will say no more, but I do know that the kids go to the annual well visits and that is it. They are not proactive because I have in the past made suggestions for enrichment camps for the older boy (who is extremely smart but needs some challenging) with phone numbers and scholarship info and they didn't do anything. They said he was fine staying with Grandma all day. I have told them about the free days they have at the local zoo and museums and they said they didn't feel like it because they were tired. They are just very lackadaisical about going above basic parenting. They love them, there is no doubt, but as long as they are clean, fed, have a roof over their heads and the boy has his homework done, they are happy.

I think you're overstepping in the example above.

It's not up to you to suggest to them how to raise their kids.

And this is very probably why they're beandipping you now about the other issue.