George Saunders: American psyche

Reality shows are all the rage here in America, so I started my own. First, I "obtained" five neighbours by saying I had something cool to show them in my basement. Like sheep, they followed me down, and I locked the door of the "SimuHome". When I told them they were part of my new reality show, I Am God And You Are My Lowly Creatures, they got so happy they went quiet. Then they ate the special cupcakes I'd left, made of amnesia-inducing batter, and forgot they were even in my basement, or had ever been anywhere else.

I installed an intercom, so I could communicate with my "creations". Also a little chute down which to drop food, personal hygiene products and what I call "game stimulators" - cockroaches, say, or firecrackers, or, once, when I'd been drinking, a live rabid mongoose. Sometimes I make it "rain" by activating the "rain system". Sometimes I make it winter by activating the "very cold" system. Sometimes there may be a "famine". Once, I released a "nausea-inducing virus" concealed in a "coconut cake". Once I simulated a plague by throwing down some potato chips laced with, well, plague.

It's been interesting to watch the reactions. Some have taken to "praying" - ie, shouting supplications. Do I listen? Well, in a sense. Sometimes, I send down exactly what they request. Other times, I send down the opposite. Say someone "prays" for water. I may send down peanut butter. Other times I ignore them for weeks. That really frustrates them.

Weekly, this group gathers to - I blush to say it - "worship" me. Though they can't remember ever having seen me, they are sure I am good, and love them, and - this is the funny part - resemble them. Well, believe me, I do not resemble Shirley or Bennett. They wish! I kind of resemble Ed - Ed is a good-looking guy - but he's not part of the praying group. Ed is part of "the stoics". They (Ed and Hilda) are so inert, I am not entirely sure they have not, in fact, expired. It may have been the plague. I'll have to check by dressing all in white some night and appearing to Ed/Hilda in "a vision" - see if that gets any motion going.

A third group (Sally, Roger, Carol) "try to make the best of it". They have sing-alongs, throw parties, develop love interests, spout slogans such as, "What doesn't destroy us will make us stronger!" Cute.

Next week, the conclusion: I'll unlock the door and up the stairs they'll come, and will wander outside (aka "heaven"), and (for the first time in their memories) glimpse the sky, all of them, regardless of how they comported themselves in my basement.