Adam Driver Had a Truly Awful Nickname in the Military

TORONTO, ON - SEPTEMBER 10: Actor Adam Driver of 'Tracks' poses at the Guess Portrait Studio during 2013 Toronto International Film Festival on September 10, 2013 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)Getty Images

We're here to humbly suggest some better ones.

Did you know Star Wars: Force Awakens star Adam Driver used to be in the military? A little while before attending The Julliard School to study acting, Driver was in the Marines for a couple years, but had to leave due to some serious injuries. I personally think his nickname may have played a role as well. In a sit-down with Stephen Colbert, Driver briefly discussed his military days, and revealed his fellow Marines gave him a pretty awful nickname during that time.

"There was another guy in my unit with big ears, so I guess he was Ears One and I was Ears Two," Driver said. "His last name was Martinez. He kind of got the majority of the verbal punishment."

Ears Two? Really? First of all, if ears were my thing, then I'd better have the No. 1 ears of the group. Who wants to be the second-string ear guy? What if the Marines needed someone to listen to a conversation through a door or something? They're definitely not calling Ears Two for that job.

Secondly, the last name Driver lends itself to some pretty good nicknames. Driver works perfectly fine on its own. Maybe you can make him "The Driver." "Drive-By" isn't a terrible option. You can even go with something sleek and modern, like "Drive." (Damn. I wish people called me "Drive.")

Fortunately for Driver, he seems to have found success even after the Ears Two phase of his life. Does he have a better nickname now? Eh. "The guy who killed Han Solo" doesn’t really have a great ring to it.