Forget Global Warming, Meteors. US Congress Biggest Threat to Planet

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM. A report published by the Brussels, Belgium-based International Union of Really Worried Scientists calculates the destructive power of the US Congress as equivalent to an eight-mile wide meteor hitting Earth.

The report warns that if measures aren't taken to stop the political body which is on a collision course, civilization as we know it could be obliterated.

"This is not hyperbole. If we don't do something then we will leave a terrible legacy for our children and grandchildren," said Professor Luke Skyrunner, Director of the scientific organization.

According to the report, there is a very limited window in which to act before Congressional actions reach their maximum destructive force.

The scientists suggest a number of possible strategies. The US Congress could be shunted into an orbit high above the Earth that would take it into deep space. "This is the preferred option because it is the cleanest and there is no way that they would find their way back," explains Skyrunner.

Another possibility is to break it up into small legislative pieces that will inflict much less damage. But this option is more complicated since the legislature's movements are so erratic and extreme.

"The clock is ticking. If the dinosaurs were alive today they would have a better chance surviving a giant meteor strike than the US Congress," Skyrunner said.

Make Dontquotemenews's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The former corpse and monarch is set to involve himself in the 21st Century by joining various social media.
The king was resurrected by royalist necromancers in 2012 but has maintained a low profile since his return to life.
Richard III was ki...

London- Britney Spears traveled to Britain to address the House of Commons to complain about the structure of the British government.
Spears complains that England is not a true democracy but a false democracy.
"After reading excerpt from Aris...

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).
Attendi...

Windsor Castle The Royal Family are having a battle royal since discovering Prince Henry gave Prince Charles some marijuana.
"If you thought he was boring before, you should here him now. If he gets started on the philosophy of gardening, he can g...

Homeless people in the the UK are turning to Sikh immigrants for help because Sikh people always offer their food to those who are downtrodden, out of luck, Untouchable and general cast outs.
It is in the Sikh tradition to help down and outs and...

A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities, which will almost certainly make the Church's reputation plummet to unprecedented dep...

Cornflakes, Frosties and Co-co Pops have all indicated they will take industrial action at the beginning of the week after it was revealed that a former serial killer who ate his victims, has been made CEO of Kellogs.
Many other breakfast staples...

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time.
"I was wa...