Monday, January 05, 2009

I'm working my way through three different situations that don't have immediate, or even anytime soon, solutions. They aren't crisis types, but they are important. I've talked them through and will do so many times again, but they aren't likely to resolve for months. In the meantime, my brain gets stuck on replay.

Last night we all went to bed early because Michael and Brenna were headed back to school today. Routines needed gentle re-establishment. Brenna had trouble falling asleep. She got back up 3 or 4 times. When I went to bed, I was tired and expected to nod right off. Not so. My mind began to focus intently on one of those situations and circle mercilessly. I couldn't stop. I made plans and next steps. I imagined conversations involved. I decided what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I thought about the time line and when I thought things should happen. I imagined more conversations. No amount of willing my mind elsewhere helped. I was stuck.

I knew I needed sleep, but I couldn't find my way there. Somewhere close to midnight I got up to use the restroom and must've fallen asleep soon after. I lost nearly an hour and a half of sleep to a brain that wouldn't shut off. I think that's probably called 'obsessing'.

But it really made me wish for an 'off' switch. Or at least a 'sleep mode'.