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Author
Topic: reavalation!! (Read 2906 times)

i wrote this once but I have lost it. I guess I am pushing buttons too fast.I had a revalation today. My problem is not that I have HIV but that I am bipolar. I realize now that my mental health is what is causing me problems in my life. I am bipolar and it is getting worse. my ups and downs are more pronounced yet unrecognizable to me. It is because of my manic episodes that I have HIV it is those nights where I drink for days and get very sexual pay for sex and dance in the streets at 4 am. It is the days I spend crying and unable to concentrate, or even get out of bed or the house.I guess I say this becuase my life gets in such down spells and I find myself having to clean up the mess. Well I am in one of those situations where I have all kinds of messes to clean up. They seem to get worse all the time. I have been able to keep my job in the past well that has changed this time, I may need to get a disability retirement to keep my benifits. But now I realize it is not because of HIV my biggest problem with that right now is neuropathy, my problem is this mental disease, and my drug combinations I have been instructed to take xanax and respridul as needed. Why kind of bi polar person knows when needed, any way I have added it to my daily regime of buspbrene and prozac daily for the last week I feel a little more in sinc the problem is I am not sure maybe I am just manic and moving quickly. I talk to the doctor tomorrow maybe he can get me a psyc to help out. i so hope so......

Everyone I know in my home town of bagatelle , Missouri hates me , cause I go on drinking binges and then pick up the phone and tell them how NIZE they are to hate faggots and people with drug or booze problems .Try really hard NOT to drink or do any party drugs !they do not help !

I have so many problems with my ups and downs , I bought a rental house with my savings !how fucking dumb is that !It needs work , it was a good price , but IF I had been thinking clearly ,like a sane person I would NOT have bought a house I do not need or have the time to fix !

I am a person that lives to drink ALONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME GET DRUNK AND MOW THE YARD ALL 25 ACRES TILL I RUN OUT OFF GAS AND GO TO BED .

Please try to get good cancelling !, my councillor is a doll ! she listens , she laughs , even thou she does scold me .she treats me like a real person , being gay or a problem drunk is discused .AND IT HELPS !