Filling the Gaps of a Fatherless Childhood

Month: September 2015

This post was actually inspired by another that I felt was quite shallow. It claimed that we need less attachments to have peace but it actually went a little too far (in my opinion) by suggesting that we should have more of a “sweep responsibility under the rug” mentality. Of course, if you sweep too many things under the rug, a hump develops that will cause people to trip.

I prefer a more straight-forward approach that is meeting your issues head-on. These are 6 areas that I believe will lead to a much fuller life; one with meaning and purpose.

Seeking Others’ Approval

This is somewhat true and somewhat false. To be able to get things done in your own life, there needs to be some approval by others. Living your life to please others is different…because it is impossible to please everyone. But I guarantee you, if you want to ever have a happy marriage or decent career, you need to find the happy medium. If you are so selfish and so rich that you believe that this doesn’t apply to you, have a happy empty life and stop reading this post.

Social Media

For the most part, social media is something that you can control. If you do not want to see the embarrassing pictures from when you got drunk at the party last weekend, stop doing stupid shit like that and they won’t have anything to take a picture of. And if you are using any branch of social media as your main means of communication, you need help. Try Skype (That’s a joke).

Posterity

“Live in the moment” is commonly heard these days. While there are great reasons to experience great moments, if that is what you live for, your life will be empty and you may die that way. Better said may be to live as if it were your last day alive and care for your posterity, not so much your posterior.

Previous Relationships

Rather than toss your exes out on their arses like dirty laundry when you have had enough of them, maybe you should look introspectively and figure out why you end up with short term relationships, abusive people, etc. Examine your own choices rather than tossing them in the dirty laundry bin. Keep it up and sooner or later, the dirty laundry will have to be dealt with.

The Fallacy of Indecision

Indecision has played itself off as a procrastination or longer choice for making a decision. Here is the truth. Indecision is a decision. It is Plan C when you only had Plan A or B. Make a conscious decision to make a decision (even if it is the wrong one) or alleviate the phrase “I don’t know” from your daily vocabulary.

Dwelling on the Past

The only thing you can change about the past is how you look at it. There are always, I repeat, ALWAYS something positive that can come from any negative event in our life. For examples, please refer to the Not So Typical Thanksgiving List. It really does depend on how you look at it. I have seen people give thanks for some of the most horrific events because it led them to a new understanding of their own purpose in life. There is much healing in this.

While these are just short bits of wisdom that have been learned through much trial and error, each of them can be expounded upon greatly. Of course, you don’t have to agree with all of them. You can choose to find out for yourself…and make your own mistakes to learn from. I prefer to attempt to “stand on the shoulders of giants” whenever I can.

I am a bundle of feelings right now. I have not written in this blog for quite some time. My interests and desires have been elsewhere. Work. The worries of life. Self. Many of us either have been there or are there now.

But this has helped me to examine the motive for our actions if we have this habit. This habit, that I speak of can be explained like this. You have strayed away from something you know you need to do. You are procrastinating from doing it because you do not want the feeling of guilt about inaction. It is easier to not do it and say that you just stopped rather than deal with that feeling when you do start.

You can actually turn it backwards and look at quitting a habit or addiction like smoking (some of us can talk about this because we have faced it). Quitting smoking involves changing a character trait or modifying it. It is easier sometimes to start up again, say “I failed” and not have the struggle than to keep the struggle going. We get relief from starting up again. Yes, relief. Relief from the battle. Relief from everyone asking about our struggle. Relief from wondering what we actually can do with our hands since we are not smoking. It is easier than changing ourselves.

Turning it back around, though, what about things we are supposed to do, should do or are “expected” to do.

Some are simple.

Some are hard.

Simple things like writing in the blog. You know that you feel more complete and whole when you do. It allows you to “empty” your soul or rant or whatever but it is beneficial to you. If you do not type that much normally, it helps to improve this skill at least. But it takes the effort to do so.

Hard things like saying goodbye to a friend or loved one, whether they have died or just gone away for a while. Having to suffer the emotion, knowing that tears may be involved, we shy away because it is easier. It is easier because we can deal with others temporarily thinking about why we didn’t say goodbye or visit the surviving family rather than suffering through personal heartache and transparency. We would rather choose the road that is easy; the freeway; the road more traveled, so to speak.

Well, then there is this saying that I put together. It goes like this.

Restriction: I can’t do it
Procrastination: I’ll get around to it
Inspiration: I’ll do it when I feel like it
Perspiration: I will do it no matter what

Some people say “Man Up!” (or “Woman Up!”). Some say “Get some balls already!”. I say “The only way to get it done is to figure out how to do it and get after it!”. Why? Because the habit of procrastination kills. A part of you dies every time you procrastinate. I have heard so many stories of people who died shortly after retiring because they didn’t plan on what to do, had nothing to do and lost purpose. When we procrastinate, we lose purpose. In fact, it carves away at our very lives. It provides us a way to lose our lives and purpose rather than enrich them.

In previous writings, we have looked at failure and the circumstances we cannot change; things that happened that are in the past or did not happen because of something we did. Those are things that cannot change.

This is something we can. We can change the way we do things. We have the ability to change how we do things. You may say “I don’t know how”. Find out how. Try something different. If you find yourself doing something that keeps you away from the purpose that you desire to do, look at what you did that led you to doing that (this is common for computer troubleshooters). Examine what you did previous to the action that happened and do something different. Do something that you see leading yourself towards a better result.

You can change the way you do things…but you can’t and won’t, if you don’t.