‘Big Brother’ recap: Mike ‘Boogie’ learns his game isn’t as good as he thinks

I have to say, I’m rooting for coaches Britney and Janelle to knock Dan and Mike “Boogie” out of the game as soon as possible, if for no other reason than their smug belief that the girls were just stoopid and they were superior life forms. Since neither of them seem to have gotten the memo, it’s 2012, women can vote, and in the last month or so a report was released saying the average IQ of women just surpassed that of men. Okay, I’m not saying anyone who’d appear on this show is exactly a brain surgeon, but I’m all for knocking down the smugness a peg or two.

But I will give Britney and Danielle a loophole to be a little bit smug about how well their game is going against the boys. Do not underestimate the blondes! Britney, whom I was on the fence about during her previous season, seems to have emerged a smarter, cannier player. She’s not assuming she’s already won the game. She knows everything could change in an instant. But yeah, she’s enjoying the moment.

Meanwhile, Dan and Boogie realize, oh crap! The girls ganged up on us! And they’re, like, girls! How did this HAPPEN? They are now fired up to actually play! What were they doing before? Phoning it in? Yes, I realize they might be able to use the power of veto to their benefit and there’s always the possibility of a twist, but man, what smug dummies.

Because his only chance for survival is to play court jester/resident idiot, Ian shows the hamsters that he can kick himself in the head. Boogie is horrified that he’s in an alliance with him. He wants America to kick him in the face, theoretically to render him unconscious to this sad state of affairs. I can think of other reasons to kick Mike “Boogie” in the head.

Time to pick players for the veto competition! Frank hopes Danielle and Shane won’t play, as Danielle will save Kara if she wins and Shane is, like, a competitor. And guess who’s playing? Danielle and Shane! Also, Wil. I don’t think Wil is much of a threat. Boogie is sooo disappointed that Shane will be competing. He thinks nothing is going his way, which fills me with glee. Oh, and the host of the competition will be JoJo.

As you might expect, everyone starts busily trying to forge alliances. Kara wants to talk to Shane privately. Shane’s fine with that, as he thinks Kara is cute. Forget talking strategy, let’s make out! Yeah, I think Kara wants to strike a deal that does not involve liplock. Kara is hoping Shane will play for her. Shane might save her, but maybe not. No promises for Kara. But talking to Kara makes Shane realize he can make deals! So, he talks to Frank and makes an alliance with him, too. Shane is covering his bases. Shane thinks he has game, but I think he’s ultimately going to tick people off, really.

Boogie decides to talk to Britney. She’s not impressed, as he waits until day 6 to finally introduce himself to her. Once again, he suggests Joe for the chopping block. He asks Britney if Janelle’s people off limits. Of course not! Britney is revealing nothing, as she sees absolutely no point in sucking up to Boogie. So, Boogie tries a different tactic — threats. He tells Britney that if one of Janelle’s people isn’t nominated, a line will be drawn in the sand. Britney is not impressed. More importantly, she now has something to tattle to everyone in the house to prove to them that Boogie is a complete jerk.

Further proof he’s a jerk? His shirt says “Showmance anyone?” Eww.

As expected, Britney tells Janelle about her meeting with Boogie. Janelle isn’t surprised, as Boogie likes to intimidate female players. Boogie decides to try another tactic with Janelle — throwing his alliance with Dan under the bus. He suggests to Janelle they decimate Dan and take him out, as he’s already one player low. Janelle pretends to think this is a GRAND idea, then tattles to Britney and Dan. She hates Boogie so much!

Dan, quietly incensed that Boogie has already betrayed him, makes it clear he’s reassessing his alliance. Boogie doesn’t know it, but he’s in even more trouble than he thought he was in. Mwahahahaha!

In other news, JoJo and Danielle compare accents. Danielle cannot grasp the Noo Yawk pronunciation of coffee, while JoJo does horrible, horrible things to the English language in trying to capture Southern. This segment is mercifully short.

Time for the Power of Veto competition! They’re taken to a BB Laundromat, which involves lots of suds and, of course, swimsuits. Bikini shots left and right! The hamsters must race through the suds to find coins, then toss them into a coin slot until they toss in exactly $1.30. Kara starts off strong, but soon the girls are left in the dust, Wil is totally inadequate, Frank is incapable of tossing on target, and it’s down to Shane and Willie.

Shane wins it. Well, this should be interesting, as Shane has proven himself to be a rugged individualist, which is often a nice way of saying an idiot.

For those of you want to text, it’s time to vote for the have-nots eats for the week. You can choose between liverwurst and licorice, pork rinds and pudding and tofu and taffy. Um, none of them sound great, but liverwurst and licorice sounds truly disgusting. The “Big Brother” house should strike a deal with Weight Watchers or Jenny or something, as being a have-not a few times could help people shed a hella lotta weight.

Shane is suddenly a very, very popular guy, as everyone wants to push their agenda. Britney warns Shane not to use the veto, as Boogie will gun for Team Blonde Ambition if one of Janelle’s people doesn’t end up on the block as a replacement. But Shane’s playing for himself! Oh, Shane. Don’t be that way.

Dan gently tries to convince Shane to consider Kara. Shane is thinking about it. Frank wants to work with Shane. Shane says he’s going to set things in motion. Don’t overpromise and underdeliver, Shane!

Time for Boogie to make his play for Shane’s veto power. Boogie offers safety if Shane saves Frank. Shane isn’t sure. But Boogie will protect him! Boogie thinks Shane should be nervous if Frank is offed first, as that would leave him exposed as the biggest threat in the house. Shane thinks Boogie would be a great ally — if he can trust him. Yeah, don’t do that, dude.

It is time for the veto meeting. I hope Shane is not a complete idiot.

Kara defends herself. She bats her eyelashes and says she’s starting to warm up to everyone. Wow, that was not much of a defense, dear. And she mentions that Shane was cute during the challenge. Um, yeah, I don’t think that will do it. Frank’s turn! Frank will apreesh if Shane pulls him off the block. Wow. Frank and Kara want to stay in the house but they sure don’t act like it. And Shane has decided… not to use the veto today. Good call, Shane.

Dan says he’s going to do whatever he can to throw Mike, the 42-year-old jerk of a coach out of the house. Mike Boogie thinks he’s brilliant and that Kara will go home. Tomorrow’s episode is going to be GOOOOOOOD.

Julie Chen informs us that the players unite against the coaches tomorrow. What? Probably for a game of some kind. It’s a little soon for a full scale mutiny. Not that I’m ruling it out.

Which player – Kara or Frank – do you think is going home? Do you think Boogie is outmaneuvered this season? Do you think Shane made the right choice?