Search

In the spirit of starting in a new office and the idea that you have the chance to reinvent yourself, I have been addressing the current state of my wardrobe, and I assure you that it’s not a pretty sight. If you can imagine a bomb going off in TK Maxx or Primark, then you are probably 90% of the way towards understanding the turmoil of the cupboard. The mantra is, if you can throw it in and shut the door in time to stop everything falling out, then you are cooking on gas.

Not my actual wardrobe.. but if I ever own a dressing gown like that, please somebody shoot me. Immediately.

The first step of this process was to actually sort out what I have in there in the first place. My bedroom is on the ground floor and has limited space, but I have a bathroom a floor up with ceiling to floor wardrobes, stuffed full of clothes. The problem is that I am too lazy in the morning, so have a back up chest of drawers that contain 10% of my wardrobe (call it ‘capsule’ if you will, I think that’s a word that fashonistas and organised people use) and tend to wear the same things every week, leaving me without a clue as to what is lurking behind the mysterious wardrobe doors.

I started a banshee like clear out, throwing everything into the room, and hanging and tidying for what felt like days, until it resembled a well organised shop offering a vast selection of wares in length order, with shoes nestled under the shortest stuff.

This threw up a new problem. It turns out that my sister is right, and all I wear is black, navy, coral, or a combination with some polka dots thrown in for good measure. Christ. My wardrobe has seasonal affective disorder. And fashion (and shopping) are not my forte’s.

I WISH.

So I went shopping with a more fashion forward friend, and tried on a gorgeous dress, which I bought. The problem is, that it came with a net skirt, and while deliberating it in the changing room I nearly caused a woman to suffer death by choking when I innocently asked my friend “but does it make me look like I’m harbouring a secret pregnancy scandal?” It apparently didn’t, so I bought it. Now it’s looking very pretty in my cupboard, but when I put it on I talk myself out of wearing it on the basis that I look like a little girl heading off to a birthday party in her finest party dress. Not a good look for a girl whose ‘glam’ look is wearing a pair of (tiny) heels with her jeans and throwing on a blazer for good measure.

And dresses come with so many conundrums, as I found today when shopping with a friend for the summer party we are going to tonight. After she bought a new dress, we headed straight to Marks and Spencer’s for girdle style hold-it-all-in pants, which would go as high as our neck and as far down as our knees, to prevent us from looking like a condoms stuffed with walnuts. It was an interesting experience. I picked up a dress style weapon of torture, dreaming that it would make me look like Gisele on a thin day, and went to try it on.

The reality of it was that I spent 20 minutes in the changing room in diving position with it round my shoulders, wondering how the hell I was going to get it off. I had visions of falling out of the changing room door in nothing but my knickers and a rubber ring of girdle stuck round my neck, for all to see and if I’m honest, the panic set in and I began to believe that I was going to be hampered with this unusual body addition for the rest of my life.

During this low point, I sympathised with the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and had to talk myself off the ledge of thinking I was going to be ostracised by society. I did eventually get it off (after sweating about a stone of weight off) and managed to give myself a nosebleed in the process.

If that’s fashion, then I will put my pyjamas on and politely decline!

27 Responses to “My Wardrobe Has S.A.D”

Ha ha. Glad it’s not just me that suffers from an overstuffed wardrobe. I have two plus several drawers of clothes and countless shoes. All in desperate need of a good sort out.

is there some secret to dressing for work and looking fab? (If it’s getting up at 4 am then I am out) I’m a little fed up of cycling the same old combination of black, grey and red.

Oh, the ultimate slimming pant/sausage skin underwear make the problem worse I think. I had slimming pants and a strapless bra combo on but it gave me a very odd back muffin look which I never had without. So long as you buy for your size you should never really need these torture devices…

It’s good to see you back. I needed a chuckle. Sadly I have no door on the wardrobe, just a large curtain. Anything that falls to the floor immediately gets snaffled as a dog bed. Now that I’m losing weight, it’s getting harder to teach without my pants falling off. I’ll be up to wearing braces and a blazer with suede patches on the elbows soon. Perhaps I need to go shopping again.

I know exactly what you mean about thinking you may be trapped in a garment forever…why is it that some things go on relatively easily and then refuse to come back off? I had trouble with a zipper just yesterday and I thought I would need to go out of the room and ask the attendant for help.
I don’t believe in using the sort of shapewear you describe — there are dresses that will flatter every type of body and one needs only to find the design that works for you instead of buying a dress that doesn’t and then buying even more items trying to adapt your body to the dress. The dress should adapt to YOU. I have noticed that stiffer fabrics go a long way toward hiding any bumps. Avoid thin fabric unless it has a pattern that distracts from shape.

ROFL – you had me at the title. I truly related to the girdle episode, having been caught in exactly that position! Panic is not the word for the state I found myself in. I thought I was going to suffocate and tortured myself by imagining various headlines of my demise and the method thereof. “Shopper Strangled by Garment While Trying on New Girdle” was one of the less lurid ones. But hey, we manage to survive somehow, right?

Thanks for stopping by! I’m no Amelda Marcos, but I do organize my clothing by color. It’s just my closet is not like your “I wish” photo exactly.

I believe the people who make these knickers are the same ones who used to manufacture the old institutional straight jackets, and that now that folks with mental challenges are mainstream, and the jackets have fallen out of use, the makers are taking out their frustrations on the rest of us.

If we ever go shopping together we have a problem! I once had a similar experience with a dress around my head. I lost my bra in a change room once as well… Only to find it hanging off one of the dresses I tried on – which was now hanging back on display.

Retrieving it was cringe worthy. lesson learnt though: never hand clothes to the assistant over the door until all yours are back on your body!

Too funny! Still doing my ‘Mutley’ chuckle as I type this. Hmmm I have the opposite problem. I have some fabulous suits, shirts and waistcoats from my professional job days and no clothes suitable for the manual work I know do from time to time. I turned up to a cleaning job in black thin gold pinstriped casual trousers, oldest ones, and an old black polo neck sweater. I almost expected the office manager to say ‘I asked the temp agency for a cleaner not an existentialist philosopher’, but learned as the day wore on that existentialist was a word that the office manager wouldn’t know and if I’d said it she’d think I was offering to convert her loft. As usual Tink very funny post!

Sorry for typo, that should be ‘now do’ not ‘know do’. It’s time for a coffee I think. Yup 4pm and getting fumble fingers on the keyboard, Better check my last two hundred words on previous writing session!

Where are You Visiting From??

If You Need A Quick Cheer Up…

What You’re Saying…

"There’s not much I can say other than I adore this young woman’s writing. You really need to check her out for yourself." Caprice at The Home Heart

"This one’s making her way back to Neverland, one day at a time… With a hell of a lot of blog posts taking her there! Laura always has something to give and write about, you will never fail to find something interesting to read and comment on, partially because there is so much to read!" from Rebecca @ Rebecca's Retreat

'There aren’t enough adjectives in the english language to accurately describe this lovely gal… Miss Tink has been scheming a way to get me on one those them there aero-plane thing-a-ma-jigs along with the fabulous Miss Vix since we first became blogging pals at the beginning of this year. She’s a hoot, insightful and one of the sweetest and real chicas I know. She will make you laugh… Go on now… catch the bug and head on over her way.' from my chica Megan @ Maggie Mae's Days

'I stumbled upon her blog: Laughter is catching by chance and absolutely loved it. While she might stay half way around the world, I felt an instant kinship and believe if we ever do meet we’ll likely laugh together at random rubbish until tea comes out of noses… or one of us snorts.' from Sam @ That Place In My Head

'Your undying creativity and worthwhile content astounds me. Keep up the good work :)' from Josiah @ Devastating The Obvious

'Can you say adorable and hilariously funny at the same time…you will be in love in a heartbeat!!' thanks Donna! The Redneck Princess

''I am impressed when I read her blogs. She is young, smart and to the point. Great blog!'Tammy Holloway

'Tinkerbelle: another lovely Englishwoman who believes Laughter is catching.Sparklebumps

"Things I like about this 20-something Londoner: she doesn’t take herself too seriously, she’s got a great cast of supporting characters, and her light, witty writing style is just fun to read" .From Kelly @ Hot Off The Wire

~ Tinkerbelle is a young writer from the UK who seems to pour humor from her keyboard. She’s only 25 and I found her site because she came across mine. I like her self-deprecating style and the window into a completely.different.life .From Grace and Space

~ I could listen to Brits speak til the cows come home. How could you not love this? “rather than faff with doing it on the hob”? Oh stop that, it’s nothing to do with THAT! .From Pooter and Boogers Place

A lovely little blog which actually encapsulates what a blog is supposed to be- a journal of thoughts and happenings. Laura writes about the simplest and most everyday things in a fun, humorous style and her blog is true to it’s name. You are guaranteed to laugh! .From Cinnamin

Find Me Lurking:

Posts You Should Read

Dont Just Skulk Around….

Leave your comments! I love to get your feedback (although I do reserve the right to remove anything abusive or inflamatory) Spread the love! Laughter is catching. xxx