[untitled]

Legal Disclaimer: You guessed it, the characters of Xena,
Gabrielle, Melinda and Janice belong to you-know-who (MCA/Universal and
Renaissance Pictures, in case you don't).
Lara Croft belongs to EIDOS, unfortunately <g>
No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan
fiction.
This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of
this story may be made for private use only and must include all
disclaimers.

Violence/Language: Nope. Although they would have
liked to... Mild language warning.

Sex:Nope, but a loving/sexual relationship between
women is strongly implied in two cases, if that disturbs you, is
illegal where you live, or if you're underage, please pretend never
to have seen this. Which would be a good idea in any case ;-)

Okay, this is quite a long shot from what I normally write, in more
ways than one. It's Mel and Janice, it's a play, and it's <GASP!!!>
a cross-over. Call it Evasive Inspiration. I should have been working when
I wrote this <g>

December 1, 2000

SCENE 1

A nondescript dock at a nondescript port. Fog. Early morning. Melinda
Pappas and Janice Covington are there, obviously waiting for someone. A
stack of crates filled with equipment is sitting behind them.

Enter Lara Croft, in a relaxed, cat-like walk.

L: Pappas and Covington?

J: And who are you, Lady? <pulls a cigar from her leather Jacket>

L: My name is Croft. Lara Croft.

J: You're a woman.

L: inhales Obviously.

M: Ah, we just thought you'd be... they just said 'Croft', so...

L: grins briefly at Mel I have been... persuaded to work with you,
although I have to warn you. I usually work alone.

J: Persuaded, eh? chews on cigar

M: Well, Miss Croft, pleased to meet you.

L: nods and smiles at Mel, smile vanishes when she looks back at Jan

J: <mumbles> SOMEONE must be some artist in persuasion. I'm still not
sure what made me agree to this... farce! What are we doing here anyway?

L: proceeds to load her pistols So, it seems you didn't have much
choice in this either.

J: You got that right. One moment me and Mel were happily... well,
never mind, the next we're getting ready for this suicide mission. With
you. And we don't even know you.

L: sighs Same here. I was just sort of put here. Without much notice,
really. And here I am. grins wryly

M: Excuse me, Miss Croft...

L: Lara. smiles brilliantly Call me Lara.

J: glowers

M: Er, Lara. I couldn't help but notice your... ummm...

L: inhales again to show her generous assets and raises an eyebrow
with a half smile

M: blushes Ah, clearing throat no, I mean... you look... different.

J: Yeah, she's right, Lady. What's with the painted look? You look like a
comic figure.

L: frowns

M: adds quickly What she means is, well, you do, you're more....
plastic.... rounded... but you do look.... well, like a painting that moves.

L: looks confused Well, I'll be. I could almost think you didn't
know... grins Or was that some weird form of a compliment?

J: ignoring Lara's question Know? Know what?

L: Why, I'm an action hero, a figment of someone's imagination.

J: Yes well, so are we, but WE look normal.

M: Now Janice, do you really think that hat of yours...?

J: snaps You KNOW what I mean!

L: Haven't you heard of the fabulous Tomb Raider[tm] Chronicles? I'm
the star of a series of computer games, so, I'm really just a set of
pixels. Isn't it amazing what modern technology can do? poses
enticingly

J: What the hell is a computer? Pixels? Sounds kinky.

M: So we're all just in someone else's mind?

L: What, you mean you don't believe in Writer?

J: Do you?

L: After all that's happened to me... I died, but as you can see I'm not
dead. There HAS to be a higher presence that has brought me back.

M: She has a point. All the things that have happened to us... maybe
they are Writer's doing? We should be dead ten times over, really. And
yet, here we are...

J: pensive I don't know...

M: How else would you explain us having all these 'first time' things...

J: Melinda!!!

L: First time?

J: Never mind.

M: ... over and over again, as if we had never done it before?

L: looks confused from one to the other

J: Well, if there really is a Writer, why has he put us here? Why have
we had to go through all these frickin' tough times before we
finally... you know. What's the point? I knew what I wanted from the
beginning.

M: Good question. What ARE we doing here?

L: shrugs I was hoping we'd know by now. Maybe Writer is blocked.

M: Blocked?

L: Blocked.

J: And what does it mean if he's 'blocked'?

L: What makes you think Writer is a 'he'?

J: provided there is a Writer, only a guy could be insensitive enough
to play with us in this way.

L: down her nose You have a lot to learn, Janice Covington.

J: growls wordlessly, hand going to whip I think YOU are going to learn...

M: Ladies, please!

J and L stand there glowering at each other

M: looking up, imploring Writer, why don't you DO something? If you
really exist, keep them from killing each other?

silence, commercial break

SCENE 2

The dock. Neither Janice nor Lara have moved in a while. Mel looks
frantic

M: Fine, then. Just leave me to it... sighs If only Xena was here,
she'd know what do do.

The scene is brightened by a flash of inspiration. The crates look
two-dimensional, like cardboard props. The whole surroundings are
lacking in depth. All around the dock and a small patch of gently
lapping water, there is nothing but a foggy haze, lacking descriptive
narrative

enter Xena: Warrior Princess, she comes sailing out of nowhere in a
daring somersault, landing neatly on her feet with her sword drawn.

X: looking around, slightly confused Gabrielle?

L: pulls both pistols in a lightning-quick movement, facing the new
arrival

J: What the hell...?

L: gets a closer look, relaxes her stance, gazing in wonder at Xena's sword
Interesting.... Greece, 90 BC, incredibly good condition... priceless!
does a double take and raises pistols again