Believing in myself!

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Monday, November 28, 2016

So at the end of October I sat down and thought about my goals for running for November. I knew that with a vacation and with the holiday that my running would be limited. So I set my goal at 20 miles for the month.

Well, the month is just about over......and how did I do?

Well as of this moment with two days left, I am sitting at just over 10 miles run for the month. Yeah, if I ran like the wind and ran like the engergizer bunny for the next two days I could possibly make it. But being realistic, that's not going to happen. Running 2 milers has been a difficult and arduous task for me this month. So while I may (and hopefully will) get in at least one more run this month, I can safely and correctly call this goal blown up.

So where does the success come from? I pulled out my one bike on Thanksgiving day...and as I wrote about in that post, I rode on Thanksgiving day. Where the success comes from? I also rode on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday! I've ridden about 50-55 miles. Not a ton of miles...but for someone that hasn't been on a bike in a few years it's a lot!

And let me say...my butt ached terribly! You don't think about those little bones until you start riding after a long hiatus! Oh and my thighs ache from riding. And lets not forget the calves from running because that has been painful of late too! And who know that biking would make my back (between my shoulder blades) achy and tense.

I have continued on with eating a bit more healthily. It hasn't been perfect by a long shot. But I have at least managed to stay under my calorie goal....if I include my earned calories from these bike rides and runs. The biggest victory though...my eating has included more veggies and fruits! That's a huge step in the right direction!

So today I sit here at work and I ACHE! It was an active 4 days...runs, walks and bike rides. I plan on keeping pushing.....the aches will disappear and hopefully it will all get 'easier' again!

And some fun pictures.....

This picture was taken on Saturday...it was cold and drizzly rainy.....but Jason still had the umph in him to stick out his tongue at the camera.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Who in their right mind decides to get back on track with their healthier lifestyle on thanksgiving week?????? Thanksgiving day????

Oh yeah, that would be me.

So I've written my blog posts over and over in the past year...or two or three about 'getting back on track'. So when I wrote that on Wednesday, the day before thanksgiving it was insane....right?

Except......thanksgiving day was a total success!

When I got out of bed one of the FIRST things I did was to go out for a run. And yes.....my run officially made me a total bad ass!!!! It wasn't a pretty run by any means...my legs ACHED as did my feet. But I am a badass because it was thanksgiving morning and I was running....it was cold....and it started to rain less than a tenth of a mile into my run (I was still in view of my house!!!) but I kept going and as I mentioned, it HURT!! I didn't run far, I turned around at about the one mile mark. I didn't do my normal route but stayed a bit closer to home by winding and circling close to home, but I did it!!! Yup...badass!!!

I got home and immediately started in on the laundry....and my parents laundry....7 loads...maybe 8....all pushed through the cycles amidst my other activities.

I hopped into the kitchen beside my mother and we worked on 'the meal'.

I did take some time to nibble on a few things..probably not the healthiest things but that's ok....I didn't gorge and I didn't graze all morning!!! (I had about three or four club crackers with cream cheese, a small bowl of the stuffing, and yes a piece of cake about mid morning because I was starving!)

When the meal prep was under control and things were in a lull, I went to my brothers house and spent some time with his kitty cat..

And I went to where the bulk of my belongings are stored and grabbed my one bike. Oh it was tempting to grab both of them....but I knew that realistically I would only be riding the one for the time being (winter is rolling in!) I came home and pulled my bike off the car, locked it up on our porch and pumped up the tires....and checked them periodically for the next few hours to make sure that the old tubes were not compromised after the long hiatus from biking.

I did lots of small little chores that needed done...stuff like my car registration...into the glove compartment and the new sticker put ion the license plate. (It was windy and cold earlier this week, I waited for a more temperate day!)

Finally at 11:45 I took a shower....I had been in my feet and moving all morning. I laid with MY cat mertz for a few minutes before heading back upstairs to help with the final preparations for the meal. We ate and by 1:45 I was clearing off the table...packaging leftovers....washing washing washing dishes.

By 2:30 I was knocking on Jason's door and we headed off!!!

Where in the world did we go on thanksgiving day? Were we Black Friday shopping? Heck no!!!!

We went to the canal and took a nice long bike ride. Ok, we were out for about an hour and a half....we ran out of light (and truth be known we were ready to get off the bikes! My butt needs to harden up and get used to riding agains)!!!

We drove home...made one or two stops (I was CRAVING a diet soda...we needed gas in the car, etc) and made our way home through country roads.

Home again at 6:30 I was hungry and craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...so that's what I had (yes...with a fridge full of leftovers I had a pb&j...I've always said the creation of the pb&j was God's gift to the human race!!)

I relaxed the rest of the evening....and boy, did I feel the effects of my active day!!! My leg muscles ache!!!! Seriously...a couple years off a bike followed by a 15 mile ride equals pain! Plus remember my run was painful also. (The bike ache is thighs...the running ache was calves.....my legs 'o steel will be all right on a while if I continue!)

My total calorie count for the day????? I ate 1957 in calories.....it said I burned 1389....leaving me with a deficit of 632...not bad for a holiday!!! (My plate was mostly veggies at lunch...and I didn't stuff myself because I KNEW that I was heading out with my bike and I didn't want to feel like a trussed up turkey!)

Up next??? More bike rides through out this weekend!!!! (The weather looks perfect for it!! A little cool but not cold!). Probably more running during my work week next week as that fits in with my schedule the best. And more concentration on keeping my intake of calories low...and my output of calories high!!!

I feel more hopeful about actually getting this weight back off after a successful holiday!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Here I am...sitting in the cusp of thanksgiving day and a weigh in day to boot. I am not happy with my weight! Not at all!

So let's start and say I know why my weight is up. Lots of delicious ice cream has not been kind. Nor has too many carbs in my meals. I have always historically had to limit my bread....I haven't been doing that. Oh and did I mention the French fries??? Yeah...too many 'add fries to that carby/bready sandwich'.

I also know I'm not exercising near enough!!!!

Double whammy!!

The good thing? I know what needs to be done to fix the situation. I need to limit the foods that are not good for me....for me that means tracking.

I also have to get off my butt and exercise!

I'm getting the itch to ride my bikes. Jason has been bike shopping....and I've been in the stores with him.....the bikes have a certain draw for me!!!

Plus I have this running thing I like to do....

As I sat here at work this morning thinking about it I was trying to think of a fantastic reward. Something that would motivate me. Money does...but seriously...taking my own money from my 'play savings account' to use for reward play doesn't motivate me...I desperately need to come up with something rewarding!!!

In the meantime...my goals and plans? Track track track....keep my food within budget and exercise at least 3-4 times a week...preferably more!!!!

So the other week I swung into bath and body works and picked up some lotion in my favorite scent. I had a coupon for something free so I picked up the matching body wash...which I have been out of for a while (I've been using cheap stuff!). I have been using the lotion but the body wash not. So when I was in the shower the first day the scent of that body wash was wafting around me and to me it was the smell of independence!

You see...I had almost always used the same scents...but about a year ago I was sniffing away and picked out a different scent to try. I took it with me and used it for the first time when I went on vacation by myself. That vacation was a big deal for me....because I took control of my single life and realized that alone or with someone that I would be better than ok....I wouldn't sit on my couch and shrivel up and die.....I was going to live my life. Mentally I took flight. It was honestly a huge thing for me...coming on the heels of a divorce...a breakup foreign a guy I saw for a few months after my divorce....the purging of a very unhealthy friend. So in the midst of all that hangs I swapped scents and found a new one...that I incidentally love....(Jason likes it too thank heavens). The smell of independence!!!! That is what bath and body pink chiffon smells like to me.

And I have no clue how this relates to weight loss...but it's gotta be tied in someway. After all, it's all interconnected right?????

Sunday, November 20, 2016

It's not too bad is the words I said when I stepped into the scales on my official weigh in day on Wednesday. I was only up by one pound. However...each day thereafter my weight has popped up higher and higher!

What is wrong with me that I can't get my eating under control? I can blame other people. Like mom for talking to me before work making me late which caused me to grab a fast food breakfast on the way to work. Maybe I should blame diana my manager for bringing donuts to work...and of course she got peanut butter!!! Wait...Jason wanted Ben and Jerry's ice cream last night!!! And mom had those wonderful pumpkin cookies leftover that she offered me!!! Terri wanted a frosty after Mexican, it's her fault!!!

But in reality...it is no ones fault but my own!!! Jason didn't tie me down, melt the ice cream and pour it down my gullet! Mom didn't keep me from grabbing an apple or a piece of fruit when I was running late. The donut didn't have my name etched into the icing!!! I made the choices to partake! Me and me alone!!!!

So I face thanksgiving week in front of the eight ball...already significantly up on the scales (5-6 pounds)!

How? Reigning myself in is proving to be horribly difficult!!! Do you think the doctor would just wore my jaw shut???

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

My vacation began starting on November 4th. I actually drug myself out and went running that first day. It wasn't a fabulous run but I did it!

My vacation was pretty low key. We went away on the first weekend and did some shopping...some relaxing....some hanging out together. Nothing too exciting. My food intake was pretty steady....not exactly healthy but not too bad.

We walked about 2 miles or so each day. Yes. Very relaxing!

I actually walked an average of 2 miles each day of my vacation with one day getting in a 7 miles walk on the canal!)

On Wednesday early (super early) I drove my parents to Baltimore where my father had surgery to remove the cancer (the cancer or origination...we have more procedures for the places where the cancer spread). It was a looooooong day. (18 hours or so from beginning to end). Lots of sitting in waiting rooms. I did snack on foods that I had put in my bag (cheeZ-it's, almonds and sugar wafers). But for lunch I got a turkey sandwich and a big cup of fruit (mom and I shared the fruit cup since she loves Honeydo and I don't!!!).

The doctor was very happy with the surgery and the fact that he is confident that the cancer is gone! Now we (dad and mom mostly) just have to get used to the ramifications of the surgery.

A day of home running around and another day at the hospital...and that is where my eating took a nose dive. On Friday at the hospital I started the day with a cheese Danish...then for lunch mom and I each got sandwiches and split them (so half a ham and cheese and half a turkey club). That wasn't so bad but mom and I saw the desserts and couldn't resist sharing a cupcake and a red velvet cookie. Then some people came to visit dad and brought cookies from the great cookie....and well dad was still on a liquid diet so I couldn't let those cookies go to waste could I??? I left the hospital that night about 6....and I was so tired that unjust picked up a little Caesars pizza for my dinner when I got back to Hagerstown. I only ate half...and some ice cream!

Saturday I had the rest of the pizza for brunch! And dad came home! I wasn't needed at home so I skedaddled out of there (I made sure that the house was clean for visiting guests and that mom and dads laundry was all caught up...done and carried up the two flights of steps!)

My eating over the last weekend wasn't great...French fries (twice) Mac and cheese...Chinese...pizza again...just not healthy! One day i had so much for lunch that I was physically ill! Or maybe I had a touch of something..who knows!!! We still had fun that day though....look we are both smiling even though my guts felt like they were ripping from my body!!! (We both weren't feeling good that day)

I did try to turn it around a bit on Monday and when we went to lunch I got a simple grilled cheese....applesauce and some Harvard beets.....and then without thinking added fries. But at least I got some healthy stuff down my gullet...right??? And for dinner...my 'last supper' before returning to work I had a turkey sub....better caloric ally speaking than the Italian bmt!)

So I'm trying to clean it up!!!

On a good note....I've tried pomegranate juice before but never the actual fresh fruit. This weekend was my first try at the real deal. They seeds are quite tasty!!

I have no clue what I weigh....I feel bloated and icky (that could be from the monthly ick though!). I will step on the scales tomorrow! (First time in two weeks!)

No running over the vacation but I plan to hit it hard starting tomorrow....I have 20 miles to knock out this month and in only 4.5 miles in!!!!

So one last picture....I'm getting sooo spoiled! I rarely have to do this stuff anymore! It is so foreign to me after my ex-marriage. Just makes me smile..... It feels good to be taken care of....appreciated....and most importantly loved! (Must be love since he left me take a picture...grudgingly! Hahaha)

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

42 days. That was how long I went between runs. 42 days! The other day I made my plans and set my challenge for the month of November. I know from personal experience that if I mess up, especially at the beginning that it kinda just happens that I throw in the towel...so I knew that grabbing a run or two before my vacation time was very important!

I woke up early (on my own). It was very dark. I waited a while. It was still very dark! 7am and it was still dark...but just starting to look better! I drug myself out of bed at 7:30 and was outside at 7:45 (that was pretty much the latest that I could run and still make it to work on time!)

The back of my right thigh and through my butt cheek protested immediately!! Wowzers! But I kept going because I had expected this run to hurt!! And sure enough...it did! That ache disappeared...but others marched in and out of the run.

I walked a few times.. Twice to be exact...and only for about 30-60 seconds each time. I forced myself to keep running. It was a slow pace (in reality only a few seconds slower than my pace from the last time I ran though!!)

Home...showered...at work and my leg muscles are ACHING!!!!!

But I did it!!!

Andy Grammers song masterpiece came on at the beginning of the run and these words pushed me through the aches...

One, you get one heartbeat, some take it seriously

This is your masterpiece, don't forget to dreamAnd taste the colors in the air you breatheIt's your masterpiece, go ahead and feel it allDon't stop till it is beautiful(Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh)Don't stop till it is beautiful(Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh)Don't stop till it is beautiful

Me pushing through is helping to create me into an even better masterpiece...one of health!!

Now to just curb the need for ice cream. Yes, I had Ben and Jerry's again last night!!!

Monday, October 31, 2016

I didn't run in October. I didn't run a single mile. Guess I didn't even come close to any mileage goalie the month. But let's be honest...I didn't set any either!!!!

My weight is hovering in that same 3 pound range and as of my last weigh in was hovering at the high end.

Let's be honest...after my food consumption this weekend (week) I will be shocked if it's still within that range...even barely! Yes I aim for 1200-1300 calories. (Typically) I haven't been too bad...1600 or so lost days...but Saturday...I went to breakfast with a friend...and ordered the cinnamon stack pancake thing at Bob Evans. And yes syrup! Yeah...over 1k on calories right there! I was full and didn't really want lunch...but got an Italian soda....170 calories. Dinner was pizza (two slices and wings...only three wings...and some blue cheese). 750 calories. Then we got Ben and jerry's ice cream....and I ate almost the whole container (of course we got our own containers!!)...over 1k calories there! That means I ate over three thousand calories!!!! Ouch!!!

Oh wait...the silver lining???? I tracked!!!

So November....running? I have some vacation time. Like a week and a half and then a really long weekend later)....and the holiday. There is a chance that dad may be having surgery...we are assuming that's the next step...we will know more after the next appointment with the surgeon. Realistically if I'm off work and staying at home getting a run in is easy! But I know that Jason and I will be out and about....and if we are away (which we plan on being some nights) then running is much more difficult. And if I am home but we are hooking up to hike or bike...well then running will be pushed aside. So I don't want to place a super high goal this month...40 miles was a stretch before. Not having run in the last month AND a crazy month ahead of me could make 40 a totally inachievable goal! There are 14 days I will be scheduled to work in November. At least 4 of those will be early starts which makes running likely to not happen. That gives me 10 days....2 miles each of those days is 20 miles.....and that will be harder if dad has surgery in November! So my goal is 20!!!!!

20 miles!!!! I can do this!!!! (And if I do happen to hit a much higher number...I will just have to celebrate!!!! )

This last weekend we ended up taking it a bit easier....sinus pressure for one but also a slight stomach problem. (It passed but we didn't want to push our luck!). So we did some antiquing...some roaming and bike shopping (Jason is planning on buying a new bike very soon...which is why I mentioned biking earlier in this post....which reminds me...one if my bikes needs to come out of storage ASAP so I can make sure she is in working order!!). We drove home and decided to take the ferry across the river.

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About Me

I am pretty laid back. I am newly single and the fallout of that change in my life sometimes seems to overwhelm me. However, I will admit, stretching out with the whole bed to myself is fantastic. I am determined to get my weight back in check once and for-all as I learn to navigate this single thing. I am filling some of my free time with some various activities.....running, piano and remodeling and refurbishing a dollhouse. My life is wide open before me....the pages are blank. It's up to me to decide how it's going to look!