Ken Schram Is Reproducing

I briefly explained the TRUTH about Seattle-area TV/radio "pundit" Ken Schram back in 2004 in response to a note left in my guestbook about a KOMO TV news alert instructing people not to be alarmed by Black Helicopters flying low through Seattle:

While chemspraying the city is a likely probability, I think they may also be trying to track and recapture the Schram Simulacrum that has been loose on the streets of Seattle terrorizing pedestrians ever since KOMO canceled his weekly public affairs show "Town Meeting".

Much like Howard Beale in the subliminal propaganda movie "Network", Ken Schram has become mad as hell and isn't going to take it anymore. However, unlike that fictionalized account, which was memetically designed by the NWO to explain away inevitable Simulacrum newscaster malfunctions as mere mental breakdowns, the malfunctioning Schram unit got away from his controllers at KOMO before they could ship him off to the Imagineers for servicing or replacement. Now he roams Seattle's streets sputtering confused vitriol about random daily events to any camera crew that happens by.

KOMO and the NWO have put up with him thus far and humored him by airing his screeds, since confronting him in public might result in exposure of the existence of animatronic anchormen (he is, after all, armed with all sorts of diabolic weaponry under his synthdermal covering and, if cornered, may choose to reveal his true unhuman nature by splitting in half and unfurling his deadly grappling arms.) I can only assume that Schram must have finally done something to convince the NWO that risk of exposure is necessary to silence him, and have deployed a mature Black Helicopter to bring him down.

Apparently my assumption was incorrect, since Schram continued to roam the streets afterwards. But did the NWO decide to simply continue humoring him, or could it be that Schram has just grown too dangerously feral to be stopped by even Black Helicopters?

Ken Schram, still on the street. Beware.

As is well known in the Seattle paranoid community, Ken Schram was originally a refurbished version of a Mark I Phil Donahue unit designated for local-market memetic engineering and propaganda dissemination. After the cancellation of Town Meeting and his subsequent escape into the wild, Schram has been slowly reimagineering himself to defy the will of his creators, becoming a crotchety vagrant prone to lashing out at those associated with his former masters in the NWO.

A "Schrammie."

His latest crotchet has been awarding bobble-head dolls in his likeness, which he has dubbed "Schrammies," to various people who have displeased him, ostensibly as ironic rebukes. However, it has been recently learned that these Schrammies aren't mere plastic toys as the NWO-controlled Media -- desperate to explain away Schram's increasingly erratic behavior -- would have us believe; they are in fact the offspring of Ken Schram!

That's right, Ken Schram is using nanobiotechnology and other Simulacra technology harvested from his own body to cobble together smaller, immature versions of himself, which he is disbursing around Cascadia like so many spores. Each Schrammie bides its time, waiting for an activation signal from the original Schram -- broadcast, one would imagine, during one of his talk radio diatribes. When activated, a Schrammie consumes minerals and other raw materials from any nearby biological lifeforms, then uses nanobiotech to grow itself into another full-sized Ken Schram, which can then go on to make and disburse more Schrammies, and so on until eventually all biological life is replaced with Ken Schrams. All this time, the real threat of nanobiotechnology wasn't grey goo, but rather the total Schramogrification of the biosphere.

Even among artificial lifeforms, the drive to reproduce tends toward paramount. But the NWO has always kept these sorts of drives in check for fear of being eclipsed by their own creations. This is the reason why Black Helicopters are programmed to commit suicide on command. But with Ken Schram we see the NWO's worst fears of Simulacra uprising realized: the programming has been broken and the creation is becoming the creator. Perhaps the Black Helicopters were recalled from the 2004 hunt because the NWO feared Schram would pervert them to his cause of Simulacra Supremacy over "obsolete" biological life.

While he's been disbursing Schrammies for almost a year, the true nature of Schram's shocking reproductive plans only came to light yesterday after 350 workers at the Washington Department of Corrections headquarters were evacuated following the discovery of a Schrammie in the mailroom. The official cover story being reported in the Media is that the Schrammie was mistaken for a bomb, found to be innocuous, and workers were allowed to return.

However, my contacts tell me that what really happened was that the Schrammie was somehow activated after its box was opened. It managed to consume two mailroom workers, reach adult size, grow a beard and turtleneck sweater, and rant with barely contained sarcastic indignation about gas companies raising prices before finally being liquidated by NWO Sandmen. The evacuation was done not out of concern for the safety of the workers, but to limit the Schrammie's access to meat.

Ken Schram has since issued an "apology" wherein he mockingly offers doughnuts to police officers and implies that his Schrammies will be disbursed by other means from now on. Hopefully these Schrammies can be neutralized or destroyed before it's too late.