Wistfully He Asked: "Ja 'Member When?"

In a world that’s moving way too fast and mostly in the wrong direction, there seems to be a pervasive yearning for the good ol’ days, at least among those of us old enough to remember them. It seems the older you get, the stronger this sentiment is for a return to simpler times. If you’ve ever started a sentence with “Nowadays,” or “Why, when I was your age,” this stroll down memory lane is for you.

Do you remember when we used to communicate with words or RU2OLD2NO that? LOL

Do you remember when the most violence on TV was in Westerns, and not The Weather Channel?

Do you remember when knockers were made of bronze, and not silicone?

Do you remember when a cell phone was shared by your Uncle Jack and 12 other guys as a reward for good behaviour?

Do you remember when you slept well on a plane believing the air traffic controllers were awake?

Do you remember when a bypass referred to a highway, and not your heart?

Do you remember when it was only handicapped people who used handicapped parking?

Do you remember when Sunday was a day of rest, and not just Monday with less traffic?

Do you remember when “getting lucky” involved sex, and not locating your car in the mall parking lot?

Do you remember when special effects in a movie made you either cry or laugh, not put your hands over your ears?

Do you remember when a cougar was a wild animal, and not your oversexed aunt?

Do you remember when massive flooding was mainly in the Bible, and not the Bible Belt?

Do you remember when “snap, crackle and pop” was the sound of breakfast cereal, and not your neck?

Do you remember when a keyboard was a typewriter, and was used by a secretary, not an administrative assistant?

Do you remember when the F-word was a bad word, and not in the title of a bestselling children’s book? (Go The F**k To Sleep - Honest!)

Do you remember when a joint was something that connected two bones, not something that was passed around in a parking lot at a bar?

Do you remember when an ATV was a tank, and an ATM was a loan shark?

Do you remember when a screw was a grooved nail, and not the mandate of Revenue Canada?

Do you remember when you took a blanket to the beach, and not a metal detector?

Do you remember when you wore beads around your neck, and not reading glasses?

Do you remember when moles were to be exterminated, and not biopsied?

Do you remember when the dating game was when girls were pinned, and not nailed?

Do you remember when Happy Hour involved beer and peanuts, and not a newspaper and a nap?

Do you remember when feminists fought for the dignity of women, not the right to do “the slut walk?”

Do you remember when it was a traffic cop who warned you to slow down, and not your family doctor?

Do you remember when you were a teenager and you wore your pants over your ass?

Do you remember when you paid 50 bucks for a week’s worth of groceries, and not a tank full of gas?

Do you remember when you couldn’t wait to buy the latest “thing,” and now all those things are on display at your local historical museum?

Do you remember when you used to ogle that babe at the back of the class, and now you can Google her on Senior Facebook?

Do you remember when you could bring a jackknife to school, but not a bag of marbles?

Do you remember when stores were open around the clock, and not 24/7?

Do you remember when kids used their thumbs to get a ride instead of text-messaging while driving?

Do you remember when E-readers were kids who failed English class?

Do you remember when “New Kids On The Block” was a band, and not the NDP MPs?

Do you remember when nuclear weapons were supposed to bring the world to an end, and not Mother Nature?

Do you remember when you had miles to go before you slept, and now it’s kilometres and you don’t sleep anyway?

Do you remember when you use to get your oil checked and your filter cleaned, and now it’s your prostate and colon?

Do you remember when your spouse told you where to go, and not the GPS?

Do you remember when personal feminine hygiene was never talked about let alone graphically advertised during the dinner hour? (Sorry, I hope that didn’t sound bitter.)

Do you remember when Jehovah Witnesses use to walk up your driveway and knock on the door to talk about God? Oh, wait. They still do that.

Do you remember when the Toronto Maple Leafs was a winning hockey team? Oh please, even I’m not that old.

Here’s to the good ol’ days. It helps to have a bad memory.

NOVEMBER 2011 SENIOR LIVING MAGAZINE VANCOUVER & LOWER MAINLAND

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