NFL tragedy a saga of domestic violence

Wednesday

Dec 5, 2012 at 2:00 AM

Heather Yakin

Her name was Kasandra Perkins.

She was 22, and she's a victim of domestic violence.

On Saturday, her longtime boyfriend — the father of her 3-month-old daughter, Zoey — shot her to death at their home in Kansas. Then he drove to the stadium where his pro football team practices, and he told his coach and general manager how much he appreciated them. As police arrived, Jovan Belcher shot himself in the head.

For two days now, media outlets around the country have dedicated barrels of ink and electrons to the story: Belcher's story. His role on the team. How the team is coping. How the fans are reacting. In a number of the stories, Kasandra Perkins' life and death are given just a couple of lines. A New York Times football blog omitted Perkins' name entirely in an entry about the case's reverberations.

The Kansas City Star has been the exception, with an in-depth article on Perkins published Sunday. According to the Star, Perkins wanted to be a teacher. She was a new mom. She was involved with the team's women's organization and volunteered in the Kansas City community.

But within the comments of Perkins' grieving friends, the Star found ominous signs: The relationship was "troubled," and had been on-and-off in recent months.

Anyone who works in the domestic violence field can tell you: An abuser is most likely to turn violent when the victim is trying to leave.

Domestic violence is all about control, and that loss of control over the victim is the trigger.

The Kansas City Chiefs organization seems to be addressing what happened. The team observed a moment of silence in honor of domestic violence victims before Sunday's game. The team is unlikely to gloss over Perkins' death; her cousin is married to another player.

But others less connected to the tragedy are already steering the discussion away from domestic violence. Bob Costas used a Sunday Night Football halftime segment to pontificate on guns, quoting a line from a more in-depth column from FoxSports' Jason Whitlock: "If Jovan Belcher didn't possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today." Whatever your position on gun control, those remarks show a cluelessness about domestic violence dynamics. Belcher made his decision. If he didn't have a gun, at 6 feet 2 inches and 228 pounds, he would have used a knife or his hands.

Apologists will say he lost control. But after he shot Perkins, he left his mother and his infant daughter, and drove five miles to the stadium to speak to his coach and general manager. When police arrived, Belcher chose to step away and pull the trigger.