Tag: saab

Note: This is a JM Classique™ post. Photobucket are a commercially-operated research seaplane of some kind, where was I going with this? I wish my job was flying seaplanes, and broke image links from ten years ago, removing the images from old forum posts. Since I’m going through each old post and re-hosting the image on this server, I figured I might as well shove the post here, too. JM Classique™: Your Trusted Brand of Yestercrap.

Once upon a time there was a company called SAAB, and they lost their monies, or misplaced them, or at any rate they didn’t have any any more. This was a bad thing for SAAB, and they stopped making cars, which was what they did and I just didn’t mention it because the context should have made that clear. A million billion and seven-eighths miles a way, a young tycoon named Vaddington L. Bear Esq. woke up and realized that he had lots of monies! This made him very happy, and he decided to go absorb SAAB (whose troubles he had heard of using a wireless radio) into his moobclave and use his monies to help them.

When he got there, SAAB was all messed-up. The thingy had fallen off whatever and they had no beaver statues. Vaddington L. Bear Esq. tried yelling on-the-spot guidance at them, but that didn’t help. He decided that he would help SAAB by using his monies, despite the counter-revolutionary thought such an action would entail.

Unfortunately, Vaddington discovered that SAAB’s creditors (which is a thing imported from the decadent West, whereby foul goblins disrupt your self-reliance and have sex with your family) wouldn’t give SAAB to him! They wanted more monies—and they knew somebody with almost as much monies as Vaddington had…

Vaddington L. Bear disagreed.

After the creditors were dead, Vaddington marched right into the factory. “I have monies,” he announced, “Western imperialist monies!” The trolls inside jumped for joy, because now they could do the things they did before they ran out of their own monies—frolic and build cars and besmirch Volvo and race swans. They adored Vaddington, even though he ate a couple of them, and they crowned him the new Most-Equal of SAAB. He reigned over the People’s SAAB Construction and Marketing Combine no. 34 for a thousand years, with an iron fist and a loving claw, and the trolls lived happily ever after.