Another great joy these days after the massacre: I have thought how much EFT could be of great help to all of those with traumas now – and known that i could not offer it, as I am not a licensed EFT-practitioner. But a friend is, and I mailed and asked if she had had the thought to offer free EFT workshops to those in need. She mailed me 3 minutes ago saying she had the same idea! and some of her daughter’s friend are touched by this, so that is a great place to start.
My heart fills with tremendous joy at the thought that EFT’s method in itself takes us out of the ego and swoop into the right mind – and in my view, the thoughts that come from the right mind while tapping on the meridian points are the main healers – and the eureka: “wow -this comes from my mind!”
More and more I see how the Norwegian heart has expanded: there are so many more givers to other places of need now, like to the hungering children in Somalia. Another great joy.

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There is a strong dream of beauty and connection in Norway these days. In our main paper, on the middle pages, there is a huge photo of Jens (our Prime Minister) hugging a Muslim woman – he visited their main congregation. The faces of the Muslims surrounding them – hundreds of them – are soft, tender, grateful, relieved – the label “probably potential terrorist” has officially been removed. I am grateful I understand how terribly that has been: to be seen as a potential terrorist.
In a narrow line, in the middle of our main street all through Oslo, lies flowers. It leads to the Royal Castle ( it was supposed to be bombed too, but something prevented it.) He knew exactly which symbols to attack.In the crack in the walls are flowers and messages. The metal fences has been woven through with flowers. At the Cathedral, there is an ocean of flowers, it grows by the day.
At night, I can’t get out of this “national thinking.” I can allow it to be there though, and be aware of it, not taking it personally – blessing it all, the script, the players. Oh what a classroom this is: finding the inner terrorist, the inner savior, the one who knows he is RIGHT and who knows who is the enemy.
Was it Churchill who said, the enemy is us?

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After the session with Kit yesterday, where we noticed the peace and release of just noticing/looking where we were, with no judging, I woke up today with a strong dream.

I am in Tibet – for me the symbol of unfailing faith in Spirit. There are also in Buddhism many lineages and yogic traditions where “magic” is taught: among others, levitation. In a big room, there is a woman lying on the floor. Suddenly she slides toward me – then slides back again. This repeats itself until it dawns on me that I am the one who has the power to draw her to me or push her away. “What an awesome power I have!”

When I later write the dream down, do I realize that the pulling towards or pushing away are two ways of resistance: in Buddhism called attachment or aversion. Both stresses that there exists an I that can be the chooser.

So my practice is now to notice – look – at when I am either pulling towards me or pushing away. It is easy, because the energy of it is unpleasant. I also become aware of how strong the personality – the little self – becomes.

I will be gentle and kind toward myself and allow everything else to flow from that.

In Swedish radio this morning, they are sending a daily direct sent program called “Wish”. They have dedicated it to the victims of 22.July 2011, and tell us that we can call in on an answering machine and make wishes for music. I call in and leave my wish for a Danish lullaby I love. Turn on “Wish” again – and hear the same guitar accompaniment as in my wish. It has the same feel and atmosphere,and even the exact same 4 notes in the start. It is called ” The Girl in the Tree” and it comforts me.

The Wisher of this song said she wanted to give comfort to us.

She did.

They also played Górecki’s “Symphony No 3 – Symphony of Sorrowful Songs. I found it on YouTube, and find it profoundly comforting.

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Last two nights,strong pains on the left side of neck.I am asking what is behind them, and hear a faint “guilt.” I forgive myself for choosing to believe in the separation, it eases up a tiny bit.

Next morning – today – I have my bi-monthly sharing with my best friend Kit. I tune into the pain again – and see that the guilt I have hooked onto, is the collective guilt of our nation. Beneath the beautiful spontaneous gatherings where people place flowers everywhere -( you should see the fences the police has put up around the government area – they are now walls of flowers and prayers and greetings) there are massive feelings of guilt, pushed under or projected on our scapegoat Anders, who truly is “the guilty one” within the dream.

When I realize that I have just picked up the collective national guilt and taken it on to “me”, the intense pain and tensions drain out.

Again thew strong reminder that I am NOT the energy-fields I pick up. The only reason it clings to my body is that I associate anything that happen to my energy-field with “me.”

There is no “me.”

The secret chest of drawers

You did not know of this!

Deep reddish brown mahogany, silky soft to caress. 8 drawers with brass handles. You open the top drawer to the left. It is at first difficult to move, but suddenly it opens, and your heart bolts: here is the proof of your guilt.

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Anders (the killer) is still calm and thinks he has saved the Norway and Europe. His conscience is clear, and one can see it on his face, being driven to the court yesterday.

I just read in the paper why Hitler the person hated Jews so much: he saw them literally as vermin, pestilence,virus – no wonder he justified killing all. – Anders – the Norwegian version of Hitler – sees Muslims as the same – no wonder he was happy as he was killing.

How wonderful to be reminded that it is our perception of the “Hitlers” we shall forgive – for we are wrong, and they are wrong.

I hate ants under my house and on the terasse. I cheer when I dig up another anthill and throw it in the bushes.
If i could, i would kill – no, not “them all” – but the ones “taking over” MY space.

Hm – it seems I have the same perception as the two” saviors” – just in a much smaller( and publicly accepted) scale.

The part “Forgive them for what they did NOT do in reality” makes it radiantly clear that

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yesterday, TV showed a YouTube video from Oslo, seconds before the bomb exploded. There was a happy street-singer there, singing “keep smiling, always smile, remember to smile” and people interacted with him and he patted them on the shoulders, “just remember to smile”

and then, the bomb

Could there be any clearer symbol of the TMI?

I am happy to remember seeing this street-singer for years- I think he is English, and visits us every year

In the morning, a strong impulse to turn on TV. It is an ecumenical memorial-service from our Oslo Cathedral, filled to the brim. A female bishop – Helga Byfuglien (her name would be, in English, Sacred City Bird-from-valley) is speaking. I am struck by the radiant simplicity and light in her soul, and her way of bringing forth the words for the feelings we all have in these days. Mentioning them all, she gives support to all who might have been ashamed of feeling this way. She asks God to be here, so we can feel His Presence. There are no “Christian” words of punishment, sin and evil, but a strong Sacred Presence. She says,

“We are all sharing the same sorrow. We are not alone in this. Do not listen to the fear in your heart. It is far too easy to believe in that voice – but there is a way out, which goes through togetherness and unity with our brothers, and the beauty of sharing. This Unity has God placed within us.”

She then reminds us where we have seen this Unity lately, and refers to the youths at Utøya – naming as example a young boy who with fear for his own life swam for two hours to the main land – carrying with him a wounded helpless young boy. She points to virtues coming forth in the midst of terror, the willingness to be there for someone else than ourselves- and the longing to share our love and grief: in our main paper today there is a photo of a main marketplace in town filled with flowers and candle – and around, a circle of many hundred people holding around each other. Adults and children.
There is a silence emanating from that photo: a deep palpable sense of connectedness and Oneness.

I am a part of that circle right here.

Bishop Sacred Citybird continues:“Believe in Me. You are never alone” says Jesus – “ I am with you through this. There is room for all in the Love of God. – There is a deep tenderness where he gives us His hands and tells us he shares this with us – and so we can do the same with our brother.”

I am acutely aware of ego’s perception of the sermon – I sense its fascistic contempt of this congregation that believes in “this God of separation” and not the “real God” of the Course – how stupid they all are. – The unpleasantness of this helps me recognize these ego-thoughts and judgments – I am just looking with ego! – and realize there is another way to see, and that I want the right-minded way. Immediately the ugliness disappears, and the rest of the service is immense beauty.

Citybird: “The way through the pain is to be compassionate and see the other as yourself. Grief and evil can never be stronger than Love. And that’s why we hold each other in embrace today – in offering each other hope and love, in the remembrance of Him who created us to love each other.”

It is amazing to sense the ego’s contempt at her last sentence – ego needs to teach her that” God did NOT create humans, and there are no plurals here.” The sense around these thoughts are repugnant and fascistic in its conviction that IT IS RIGHT AND EVERYBODY ELSE ARE WRONG AND MUST DIE. The words are true – but the condemnation around them makes them toxic.They belong to the wrong mind who needs above all to be RIGHT.

Which bring me to Anders Behring Breivik: the Son of God who played the devil’s part in our drama-dream.

His face has from the first sight reminded me of a mediaeval knight from the crusades. Today in the paper, we read about his 1500 pages manifest –and it has an image of the Knights Templar cross, which also adorned his “uniform” when he killed. I go to his “manifest” on Google and read about his conviction that he is a world-savior and Christian Martyr and a crusader ( and “King Richard Lionheart is my mentor”) and see that he is not crazier than any religious figure convinced he is RIGHT. My thoughts go to our saint St. Olaf who showed incredible cruelty and murder lust in converting his fellow Norwegians to “the right belief.”( I forgive Olaf for that (:)

It is liberating to remember how I have believed in ego’s argument, and don’t any more – I believe in the radiant Love in my fellow Son of God who attends the sermon, where it seems we are plural – but all the plural parts are just possibilities to see Love’s myriad expressions of Beauty.

I love how I am seeing Love in everyone, and everywhere, in this church.

Our prime minister Jens speaks and cries and expresses that it seems like an eternity has passed since the massacre day just 2 days ago. This is so true. And with strong determination he repeats that nobody can remove our love or feelings of togetherness, and that we will restore Utøya to the symbol of love it always has been. The place he speaks from is soberness, and he tells us it is time to stop and feel and allow what is there to be there – and to be there for each other.

There are times where his words are ego-based – and it is simple to see where he comes from, and love him and everyone who perceives in ego’s way – that includes me, most of the time. That is just an error. He talks about the dignity, warmth and steadfastness he has met in the survivors and their closest, and my heart overflows once more. This is the heart of the Son of God. I sense a strong ego-pride when he says “we are a small and proud nation, but we will never give up our values. Our answer to terror is more democracy and more humanness.”

And he quotes a young woman who told him, “ If one man can show so much hatred – think about of how much love all of us can express together.”

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After yet another night of crazy tensions, I prayed to have a dream that would show me what was beneath them. I was seeing a frenzied cat going amok among huge chinks of raw meat = bodies.

Listening inward to Blue, I was hearing that the frenzy came from many memories in this life (and others) – where I have been in situations with frenzy, and identified myself with that experience and terror.

A dream is a dream. I am dreaming this dream. I want to turn off the projector and look with Jesus as what has always been inside the mind.

As I turn inward and ask to align myself with Love, I am reminded how many times I have experienced unity and Oneness – and how I have known that my experience is truth. It is clear for me in this moment that BOTH frenzy AND Love can not be true. Frenzy belongs to the dream, and from my choice to believe that it was possible to separate from Love. I question that belief, and RIGHT NOW I choose Peace. If these frenzied acts were real – then God is not real.

I am not responsible for what happened after the decision to believe in the TMI. I am responsible for choosing to accept the solution to this – the miracle.

In Oslo, 5 hours ago, a terrorist attack was launched in the Government area. The Prime Minister and the Government is safe. The city is bombed, a looks like it. My daughter called with thin voice to ask if I was alive.

The same man who had placed the bomb – an ethnic Norwegian with Christian fundamentalist view – then drew to a youth summer camp, dressed as a policemen, told the children he was there to save them – and then he shot 84 of them.

Both frenzy and Love can not be true. Thank You Holy Spirit for working in me to help me see all of this differently.

Right now I am sitting under the Bodhi Tree with the Buddha and looking at Mara’s very convincing razzledazzleworks. I am grateful that we are there together.

Pam’s comment on “Allowing the miracle” is so very comforting to me today: this is a day of releasing hate. Sleepless night again – and in the morning, a ghastly dream from the past and our little family and the dynamics in it.

When I wake up from it, I know what the tensions in the body is about – resistance to look at this old stuff. And the main ingredient is hatred, believed in. Believing us three to be the roles of Kip, Mir and Leelah. I see the energies swarming around us looking for a place to lodge, and the three of us with huge filters seeing everything through glasses of attack and guilt, with occasional moments of happiness. It felt like gluey morass, and what started to dissolve it was the knowing that these were memories, and memories can be forgiven. I am starting to be aware, due to David Hoffmeister’s method for forgiving in his book ” Awakening through a Course In Miracle,” that my choice to be upset is a choice not to see the cause: my belief in lack/separation, as a present decision on my mind.

I go to the mall, and a young boy behind the counter does not acknowledge my standing there at all. I am air. He does not ask what I want, and I am aware of enormous hatred bubbling up. I listen to a fascist-voice inside, “who does he think he is???!!!! I am here!!! waiting to be served!” This part would like to torture the guy and kill him. The energy of it feels sooo unpleasant.

So I leave him and ask for help from somebody else, and is promptly and kindly served. He was there only to show me these thoughts insidethat I believe to be “mine.”

When I come home, I listen to a program in radio. It is a man talking with venom and hate about capitalists. There it is again. I forgive again my choice for believing in separation.

I want to sit in the sun outside. Take a pillow and my Sudoku – and is met by a swarm of flying ants: they are leaving darkness at last. All over my terrace, and from holes in my lawn, they are flying out – ready to spread their species.

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