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Many dogs still running on Windows Vista

More than 4,700 stray dogs failed to be reunited with their owners last year due to outmoded operating systems, it has emerged. Half were destroyed for not being able to tell the difference between an iPhone 6 and an iPhone7 or a Samsung Note 7 and a bonfire.

Dogs whose owners who failed to update their software forgot basic commands and often becoming frozen in mid-jump. One grieving owner said: ‘Tyson suddenly ran out into traffic. I called out ‘Stop!’ but he could not process instructions. Just as the lorry hit him everything went blue, with the phrase ‘Fatal system error’.’

Over 37,000 dogs remain unclaimed. One disgruntled teenager said: ‘I was hoping for an Xbox for Christmas and all I got was this Puppy 1.0. It comes with an annoying polyphonic yapping noise and doesn’t even have the flea-bytes of the Rover 3.0. Apparently I’ve got to take it for walks? It’s like someone turned a fitbit into a real dog’s dinner’.