How to talk about lack of sex in a relationship

Physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship. But if you and your partner are not having sex for whatever reason, you may not know how to approach the issue. If you find yourself in such a situation, here are a few pointers to help you get through.

Set ego aside

The first step in addressing this issue is putting your ego aside and acknowledging that a problem exists. Only then will it be possible for you to reach out to your partner and initiate a free and frank discussion.

Timing is everythingThis is a sensitive subject, so let your SO know that you have something important to discuss in advance. That way, you both can set aside some time in the day to have the talk. It would be futile to bring up this issue when he is in a hurry to go to work or you are stressed about an approaching deadline.

Talk as friends

Once you have settled on the time and place, the subject needs to be approached just right. Your tone matters. Instead of being harsh and judgmental, try to have the talk as friends. That way, the focus is on reaching a solution together, not blaming your partner.

Don’t bring up other issuesAnother thing to keep in mind is to focus on the issue at hand. This isn’t the time to bring up his laziness or how he needs to help out more with household chores. Those can be addressed on another day. Restrict the discussion to the chosen subject.

Create your own normal

Have an honest discussion on what you and your partner consider normal. Some couples have sex multiple times in a week, others a few times in a month. Reach a number that works for both of you. Talking numbers takes the emotion out of the conversation, but gives you something to work towards together. Follow through on the plan.

Seek professional helpIf all else fails, do not hesitate in approaching a therapist and asking for help. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you deal with the situation in a healthy manner. It just might help your relationship emerge stronger.