The National Magazine Awards (also known as "The Ellies," for "L" which stands for "Loser") went head-to-head with the NFL Draft's first round, forcing literally dozens of Americans to choose which to pay half-hearted attention to on Twitter. But which truly captured the heart and soul of literate, football-obsessed America? We've compared the two using the scientific method:

HeadlineEllies:Glamour takes home Magazine of the Year.NFL Draft: The St. Louis Rams name Oklahoma Sooner Sam Bradford with the first pick of the first round.Advantage: Ellies. Glamour's win is a big upset because its title is misspelled.

"What Were They Thinking?" MomentEllies:Men's Health, also known as SIX-PACK ABS: THE MAGAZINE, picked up the award for General Excellence in the POWER UP YOUR DIET category, despite using the same cover for every goddamn issue.NFL Draft: The Denver Broncos gave up picks in the second, third and fourth rounds to choose near-abortion and famed mom-tackler Tim Tebow at 25, despite the fact that he is very annoying to hear speak, always.Advantage: Draw, because I don't want to have to think about either Men's Health or Tim Tebow any longer than I have to.

In a triumph for lazy hacks everywhere, Dave Zinczenko's Men's Health was nominated for…
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The Big WinnerEllies:New York Magazine took home four awards, one of which was for an article about foreskins, which is just, like, come on, ASME.NFL Draft: The Detroit Lions, who are still technically a football team, but barely, snagged two picks in the first round: Defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh and running back Jahvid Best.Advantage: NFL Draft, because, you know, the foreskin thing.