Are having secrets good for a relationship?

When people look at you they don’t see the real you, they see a mask. This mask saves us from being vulnerable and changes according to the situation. While we might be quite comfortable hiding behind it, it does more harm than good, in a relationship. Relationships are about baring yourself to the person you love, to show who you really are. There are some secrets that can be revealed right away, but there are others that should be concealed. The manner you handle your secrets might decide the fate of your relationship.

Secrets are both dangerous and intriguing for any relationship. They have the potential to wreak havoc in well-established marriages, so you can just imagine the delicacy with which they should be handled in a long-distance relationship, where everything is under scanner and is stressed from the start. There are two types of long distance relationship, where couples know each other for a long time, but for some reason they are forced to stay apart, or the modern-day internet relationship where couples have met their partner just once or twice in real life. Long distance relationship is a tricky situation to be in, the latter being more complicated than the former.

While revealing a secret about oneself, the aim should be clear. You are going to disclose the secret only because you think it is proving toxic, and it is the only way to make your relationship better. You should make sure they do not cause any unnecessary harm or cause irreversible damage. Do not go over sharing, the aim here is not to show how honest you are.

Before giving a green or a red flag for your secrets, let’s have a look what are the reasons that can be eating you up inside and determine whether the situation is appropriate enough to reveal them.

Your past: If your partner keeps on pestering in knowing your past and you have started to worry if telling the truth is in your best interests, then you are right to worry. Disclosing these very personal details to a complete stranger is never a good idea, it forms an opinion about you. Even if the relationship is quite old never disclose the number. You might have had many relationships or very few in the past, but giving the exact number won’t serve you good. A simple way to dodge the question would be to tell them that you have dated enough to know he/she is the person you want to be with.

Hiding your true self: In a long-distance relationship, the mask receives its intricate designs as you have plenty of time to weave a neat you. Don’t do this. We are not telling you to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. But you don’t have to hide everything about yourself, keeping your partner in complete darkness is not healthy for the relationship. When a relationship is new, it is a little shaky, the trick is to reveal bit by bit. See how it goes when you give a light detail about yourself, accessing the response and situation, proceed at a calculated pace.

You don’t trust him/her: Trust constitutes the fabric of any bond. It is a very dangerous situation if you don’t trust your partner. Long distance relationship brews mistrust between couples, still never be upfront about this obvious fact. If you love your partner, you have to take that risk of being lied to. Sometimes, you may not say it, but your actions might speak otherwise so stop fishing for lies.

Attracted to a new person: Any normal person gets crushed now and then, it is completely natural. You are super attracted to this new guy at office, can’t help but glance at him often. There is no harm in that, until you don’t act upon it. Use it as an inspiration to get to work. Couples who are not in a long-distance relationship might share between themselves and joke about their new crushes, but this trend is absolutely no-no for the long relationship couple. The distance already creates an air of suspicion; in this case mentioning a new crush will act as coal to fuel the fire.

Having second thoughts about the relationship: Maintaining a long-distance relationship takes a great effort and there is always a kind of uncertainty about the future of the relationship. There might be a new development in your life that may have led you to think this way or may be the relationship is not working for you, or it is not the same anymore. Whatever be the reason, this is a secret you should never hide. Many people cannot get accustomed to the loneliness one feels in this kind of relationship, there is nothing wrong in voicing this to your partner. The earlier you communicate this, the faster you can both move on with your lives.