The gospel is…the word about Jesus Christ and what he did for us in order to restore us to a right relationship with God. – Graeme Goldsworthy

Saturday, April 13, 2013

She Gets It

What
if I told you a former professional beach volleyball player/fitness model and
her world-class surfer dude husband resemble more of a biblical marriage than
many evangelical Christians. Well, believe it. It’s true. I couldn’t believe my
ears last night as I watched Rock Center and heard Gabby Reece relate her story. She and her husband, Laird Hamilton, almost lost their “picture perfect”
marriage four years after it began. So what saved it? Gabby would tell you
they’ve had “to work at it” – a cliché every married couple has heard. And
while that’s true, I think what is most stunning about Gabby’s approach to save
her marriage was the “traditional” mindset she chose to embrace as a wife.

Because
the Bible is God’s special revelation to us, it conclusively tells us how men
and women are supposed to interact and operate in marriage. Any married
Christian man or woman who’s humble would admit that what the Bible lays out
for marriage is absolutely impossible – apart from the gospel transforming our
heart. So how do we explain it when a nonbelieving marriage models this better
than many Christian couples? It may be a combination of personality factors,
traditionalism, and the image of God stamped on their hearts. So, while it’s
not my desire to hold this couple up as a model to follow, I do think they are
a rebuke to many Christian marriages that ought to be experiencing and modeling
what Laird and Gabby are doing without the Holy Spirit in their lives.

Here
are some things I found intriguing about this interview:

She embraces submission.Gabby
believes: “To be truly feminine means being soft and receptive – and, look out,
here it comes – submissive.” Most would conclude from this quote that she must
be a lay down in their marriage – a doormat. While she admits she initially was
in their marriage, one of the factors that improved their once-sinking
relationship was she learned how to speak her mind more to Laird. She
implicitly communicates that submission doesn’t mean silence in marriage.

She embraces clearly
defined gender roles.As she says in the interview, “Within the four walls of our
home, I’m clearly the female. Laird is clearly the male. I’m willing and choose
to serve the family, which means dinner and laundry and organizing his schedule
– as well as my schedule, as well as other things. And I’m choosing this.” When
interviewer Kate Snow responds to this comment of hers saying, “What you are
describing is really set gender roles,” Gabby doesn’t budge – knowing the
unpopularity of the issue. “I’m not going to try to wiggle out of it,” she
says. And she knows – contrary to the egalitarian view – that men and women are
different. “I think we’ve made it so complex and we’re trying to be the same –
and I don’t think we are. And I just know this because I’ve lived such a
hyper-dominant female life.” How refreshing.

She’s a strong woman
married to a strong man.Gabby calls herself “a strong woman” in personality and
wiring, and instead of this being stifled in and by marriage, she “has a
husband that encourages her to be strong.” But this doesn’t mean she leads the
home. In her words, she applies this strength by being a woman of service in the home – as a strong woman.
Remarkably, without knowing Jesus, she clearly understands this important
aspect of His view of leadership (Matt. 20.25-28).

She believes regular sex
in marriage is not an option.“Exercise is like sex. You’re not always in the
mood, but you gotta do it,” says Gabby. (Not ironically, Tim Keller advises
Christian couples of the same thing in his book The Meaning of Marriage, albeit in a less blunt manner.) She
continues on this topic: “There’s nothing, nothing
less attractive than a guy feeling like he’s trying to chase or beg his
wife…for some lovin’. It is so
depressing. So, you do not want to put your guy…in that situation where they’re
kinda like, 'Could you give me – would you give me – a crumb?'” What I find
amazing about this is she’s basically quoting I Corinthians 7.3-5 without even
knowing it.

Gabby
is no saint (literally or figuratively). This is quite clear in the interview. That
said, I found her blunt and bold approach to this topic of marriage and gender to
be extremely encouraging. While the gospel has not (yet) gripped her heart, I
pray it will. Until then, I think we can learn from this interview as
Christians. Christian sisters, if you’re struggling to obey God’s Word in areas
of your marriage that Gabby is (unknowingly) embracing, let it be a gentle
rebuke to your heart. Unbelievers can do that for us at times. Gabby Reece may
not have the right motives or worldview – I agree. But she gets it.

8 comments:

How did you determine that she is an unbeliever and "no saint"? Surely you did not judge her based on superficial observations from one interview. If we are to judge by her fruit, a healthy marriage for starters, then we can't say what her spiritual condition is. Unless the interviewer directly asked her and she denied it, I believe she could be as much of a saint as you or me.

Romelle, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. You bring up a point that I gave time and attention to before publishing this article. As I did my research on both Gabby and Laird, I saw several things that would lean significantly in the direction of them not presently possessing saving faith in Christ. That said, I would love to stand corrected if someone out there has conclusive information to the contrary.

I do hope it is something more recent than 2001, like in the comment above. Many of us would not stand up to spiritual scrutiny if others were only allowed to use Google and our pasts to judge us. It's hard to imagine a couple receiving this kind of counseling outside of Christian counseling. I pray they are at least on the path to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Whether Judging if she is a Saint or not a Saint, there is a whole lot of judging going on...and its fine. Everybody makes judgements everyday based on evidence we know, or believe. Seems its OK to identify someone as a Saint, but not a Devil.

Thanks, Paul, for commenting on the blog. I appreciate it. I think you bring up a valid point about our hypocrisy of language (regarding "judging") vs. the reality of making (proper) judgments every day. We're definitely confused about the difference between Matt. 7.1 and I Cor. 5.12.

Great post - I think a lot of us women nowadays should slide back into being the female at home, whether they are believers or not. It is sad to see how many marriages break up because we as women (are taught to) think we can handle it all and lead at home, when we in fact we can do so much better for our families if we take care of the household (and at work, if employed).Thanks!