My Murtaugh List

Side note: I get way too many of my ideas for things from How I Met Your Mother.

So at the ripe old age of 34 I’ve been thinking lately of the things that just make me say:

I’m too old for that shit.

It’s not that I CAN’T do most of these things, it’s just that I’m too old to pretend I’m fine with it when I’m not. I’m at an age now that I can say I just simply don’t want to do something and just not do it. Here is the shit I refuse to do anymore (unless I have no other choice):

Sleep on the floor, sofa or air mattress. Now of course if I’m too far away to drive home or too drunk I don’t have a choice but I usually plan this stuff out ahead of time so I can sleep in my own bed.

Get plastered. I like getting a nice warm buzz on or even a little tipsy but I have zero interest in getting so drunk I’m slurring and falling down. I’ve done that many times and it occurred to me now in my mid-thirties that it’s actually not fun at all and never was.

Go clubbing. Now the only way I’d EVER go clubbing now would be if it were a club for people over 30. I just feel too weird going to a club with twenty-somethings. I’m not aware of any thirty-something clubs anywhere near me.

Going to the beach. This has less to do with the fact I’m 34, I’ve just come to the understanding that I hate going to the beach and will not go to please other people. This is something I don’t like to do so I just bow out when people go. You’d be surprised how difficult this is to explain to people. Listen, I don’t like sitting around in the sun getting burned, getting sand up my crotch and doing all of this in a bathingsuit.

Heals. I just gave up the idea of wearing heals almost at all. I’m sure I’ll put them on at some point but I don’t like wearing them and Manly Man doesn’t even like them. If I have to I like chunky heals that I will have less of a chance of falling over and making a fool of myself.

Drama. In the last couple years I’ve been trying to clean as much drama out of my life. I will not apologize for walking away from drama that just causes me stress and anxiety. More than any of the other, DRAMA: I’m too old for that shit.

I think my list is pretty mild. This is my way of standing my ground and not doing things anymore because everyone is doing it, which I’ve done a lot in my past. I’m in my mid-thirties and I don’t want to do anything in my free time that I don’t enjoy. As an adult with a full-time job I need to be able to relax when I want to and spend my time the way I want to. Maybe some of this makes me a bit of a wet blanket but I really don’t give a shit anymore.