She’s Unhaapppy,…

Do women seem more or less happy to you? It’s kind of hard to quantify/qualify what happiness means to men, but when it comes to women’s state of happiness or contentment I think most guys have a tendency to expect women’s experience of happiness to be measured on a similar scale to their own. From a strictly evo-psych / evo-bio perspective it’s important that any metric of happiness between the sexes be measured by first considering each’s innate psychological firmware and what contributes to men and women feeling a degree of happiness.

Because men and women rate their experiences differently per their own interpretations of what contribute to it happiness becomes a really subjective evaluation. As you might guess, what makes for a happy woman is not always what makes for a happy man. It’s a similar contrast to men and women’s differing concepts of love. Men tend to approach love from an idealistic perspective, and women base their emotional investments on opportunistic contexts. We’re conditioned from an early age to believe men and women share a mutual concept of love thanks to an ever-present presumption of egalitarian equalism between males and females, and this is where a lot of intersexual problems find their root.

Likewise, our egalitarian presumptions also condition men and women to believe that we share mutual concepts of what should and shouldn’t make either sex happy in a long term sense. In this case it is women who are largely misled by the equalist narrative. For more than sixty years women have been conditioned to believe they can meet their own idealistic goal of ‘having it all’ if they can only “empower” themselves into being Strong Independent Women®. Increasingly women are coming to the conclusion that this pro-woman life plan has been nothing but feel-good advertising, and now, after having invested their most productive years in this narrative they find that they are largely unhappy with the results its brought into their lives.

You see, equalism (the religion of feminism) would have women believe that what makes men happy must necessarily be what makes women happy – or would make them happy in the long term if only the “patriarchy” would allow women the same opportunities to experience it. If we are all blank-slate equals, what makes women and men happy must be mutually shared, thus men are encouraged to be women and craft their identities around feminine-primacy, but also, women must become men and craft their personas around the masculine ideals that bring men so much power, and by way of it happiness.

Yet in our modern western(izing) world we find that the equalist effort to socially engineer androgyny into society has had the opposite effect in engendering happiness in women. Article after article and study after study show that women’s perceived happiness is at an all-time low since researchers have been collecting data on it. Women are living longer lives and at no point in history have they enjoyed more access to the means of more success than in the now. Mainstream feminine-primacy sees that more women are college educated than men, while men fill our prisons at 12 times the rate of women, yet for all of this women express feeling less satisfied with the quality of, and happiness in, their lives.

American women are wealthier, healthier and better educated than they were 30 years ago. They’re more likely to work outside the home, and more likely to earn salaries comparable to men’s when they do. They can leave abusive marriages and sue sexist employers. They enjoy unprecedented control over their own fertility. On some fronts — graduation rates, life expectancy and even job security — men look increasingly like the second sex.

But all the achievements of the feminist era may have delivered women to greater unhappiness. In the 1960s, when Betty Friedan diagnosed her fellow wives and daughters as the victims of “the problem with no name,” American women reported themselves happier, on average, than did men. Today, that gender gap has reversed. Male happiness has inched up, and female happiness has dropped. In postfeminist America, men are happier than women.

And, as would be expected, women’s dissatisfaction with their lives is always traced back to uncooperative men and their reluctancy to make feminism the roaring success they just know it could be if men would simply accept their diminishing importance and superfluousness. What Today’s Woman has been sold is that the careerism, status seeking and ambitiousness that’s driven men to their sense of happiness-through-accomplishment (with all the prerequisite sacrifices needed to get there) is necessarily the same path to women’s sense of happiness and fulfillment.

But men and women are in fact different, and while the social experiment that is equalism continues to destroy lives by insisting they aren’t, women are coming to find (often too late in life to correct) that happiness for themselves comes as a result of satisfying needs that are innate to their nature as a female. As such, equalism and feminism fluidly redefine what “should be” happiness for men and women – men should always find fulfillment in making women happy in an ‘equalist’ utopia – yet that contentment for women will always be elusive and thus, a need to make men the culprits in that unending oppression of happiness comes into play.

Worst Case Scenario

Virtually every woman I’ve ever come into contact with in my lifetime shared a common mindset – each one subscribes to what I call the ‘worst case scenario’ mindset. I expect this from a mother or matronly relative, maybe even an overprotective sister, but to some degree all (and yes I mean all) women share a sense of risk aversion. That may not be in all aspects of a woman’s life, and certainly there are instances where this can be overridden – usually ones that imply an optimized Hypergamous opportunity – but I find that it’s part of women’s psychological firmware to obsessively want to mitigate risk of loss. Whether that’s risk of injury or resources or something that has a potential for providing her with security, the innate female subroutine is to play things safe.

In an age of mass media and instantaneous communication (women’s domain) this risk aversion gets combined with women’s primary, evolutionarily derived, need for a sustainable long term security and an existence-level sense of doubt. I’ve covered in prior posts about how Hypergamy is rooted in doubt and demands a constant reverifying of its being optimized in a man or a man with whom a woman has the potential of becoming intimate with. What results from this root level doubt and a hindbrain need for security is a continual preoccupation with the Worst Case Scenario.

Every possibility for the worst is thought through, contemplated and anticipated by women. There are very few women known for their genuine optimism or faith in a better outcome than what could possibly be the worst case. Yes, there are women who are saccharine motivational speakers, women’s ministry leaders and “make it a great day” believers in the magic powers of positivity, but even when it is genuine it comes as the result of wanting to mitigate the risks of the worst case scenario for their own (or women’s) lives.

As I wrote in Imagination, a man’s best tool in his Game toolbox is a woman’s imagination. That may be well for Game, but it also comes with the drawback of women’s imaginings of the worst possible thing that could ever happen. Throw women’s evolved sense of solipsism into this mix and it’s the worst possible thing that could happen, to her. On one hand, Dread is useful because of this innately female dynamic, but when you must contend with what amounts to a never ending battery of ‘what if’ doubts and reassurances then you begin to see the downside of that imagination. You begin to understand why women default to blaming men for not providing them with a sustainable happiness.

Women, being the life-bearing, nurture-giving sex with the most to lose in their investment in selecting a mate and gestating a child, have evolved to seek a sustainable security above all else – a security that guarantees her individuated happiness. That conventional, evolved sense of wellbeing used to be dependent upon the provisioning and the excitement that could only be provided by men. This is a subconscious expectation of women. Even women who subscribe to sexual fluidity often seek a similar security from their masculinized dominant partner.

Social Security

As a result of our equalist social narrative, women have been conditioned to believe that they can find this security and happiness in some untapped well they have hidden in their psyche if only they can be Strong and Independent enough to access it. In prior essays I’ve made the case that the ultimate goal of our feminine-primary social order has been to facilitate women’s optimizing Hypergamy by essentially outlawing men’s influence on that process. Every gender-based law that’s come into being since the time of the Sexual Revolution; from sexual consent, to what constitutes sexual harassment, to father’s (lack of) rights, to divorce settlement has been motivated by this deep seated female need for an enduring security. This was a security unique to men, but in an ‘equalist’ paradigm it is no longer required of, nor is it expected to be found in, men.

Yet for all of this handwringing, for all of the great efforts needed to legislate men’s direct or indirect financing of this security, and despite every social dispensation intended to empower women to provide this soul-gnawing need for security, women are still not happy.

The masterful Pook once said that the surest way to make a woman unhappy is to give them everything they want. I recently got into, yet again, another debate about the merits or non-merits of Choreplay and whether the idea of women getting hot for guys who do dishes was really a thing,…or not. This time the spin is that women will cheat on their husbands if they don’t do more chores.

As I was requoting myself for this debate I realized how long the Choreplay dilemma has been playing out – the first time I took it on was 2008. Men are deductive problem solvers. We want to make women happy as a means to getting sex, keeping the peace, sustaining intimacy, security, and just making a woman happy. The problem with that is that nothing a man can do will make a woman happy in the long term. In fact, just the whack-a-mole attempt to intentionally try to make a woman happy is itself a display women read as coming from a man who Just Doesn’t Get It.

The majority of men (Betas) would like nothing more than to sustain a woman’s happiness. They’re taught that relationship are always ‘hard work’ and his work will ultimately never be good enough. Even the most dutiful Beta can’t make a woman happy, but their efforts become a process of him negotiating for a woman’s desire. Whether that’s earning the ‘happiness’ of his mother, his sister, his female co-worker or his wife, the effect is the same.

We’ve made women’s happiness a litmus test for how successful a man or his relationships are. The common refrain of a woman leaving a man due to her being “unhaaaaaapy” is almost a cliché in the manosphere now. But if it’s a cliché it’s because this is the go-to reasoning we’ve heard from pop-psychologists, marriage counselors and mommy bloggers for the 70%+ of divorces initiated by women. We are expected to put a premium on women’s sustained happiness in a feminine-primary social order. Women’s happiness has become the prime directive and the metric for a relationship’s success. Any concern for men’s happiness is either a sign of his weakness or his problematic misogyny.

Being content implies that life is static; it’s not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontent: why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it’s more fun and more beneficial to manage discontent than to endure contentment (which you can’t anyway since it’s transitory at best). The trick is to understand that there are 2 kinds of discontent – creative and destructive discontent. What you choose to do with that discontent makes all the difference in the world. You will only get what you’ve gotten if you keep doing what you’ve done. Don’t allow yourself to fall back into old destructive habits of dealing with discontent. Don’t bother with anti-depressants and self-help books when a good hard workout at the gym would serve you better.

The truth is I’m always discontent, but constructively so. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you’re sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were once very important and difficult to attain. Happiness is a state of being, it’s in the ‘doing’ not the ‘having done.’ It’s not about endlessly chasing your tail, it’s about being better than you were the day before.

I agree with Gorilla Patriot, women’s default is for unhappiness, but I’d qualify this by saying it’s more of a predisposition of discontent. That is to say there is no real neutral disposition for a woman. Even in a state of indifference, a woman’s conditioned expectation from men will always originate from a preconception of disappointment. The worst case scenario is what is subconsciously planned for to the point that, even a man whom a woman loves and trusts, a woman’s first expectation from him is failure.

A lot of this comes from a lifetime of having male role models portrayed as default failures, social ignoramuses or just ridiculous because of their maleness. Women have had an endless education that only their unique femaleness can solve men’s problems of maleness, and they solve it in spite of themselves. Women are quite literally taught to expect failure, discontentment and unhappiness from men from a very early age.

The great tragedy of this ‘education’ is that it teaches women to empower themselves to find some life satisfaction as a result of their independence from men, but yet they can’t get around the want to find happiness with men. This teaching seeks to create some equalist semblance of happiness based on what men define for themselves as happiness.

They’re taught that a real enduring security is somehow possible in an intrinsically unsafe and chaotic world. So they limit men, they mandate laws and social mores to mitigate the risks that men, in their idealism, would naturally be drawn to take. They keep the kids safe, tell them to walk on one side of the sidewalk, tell them not to jump on the bed, tell them not to ride a bike without a helmet and knee and arm pads, and to prepare for the most damaging possibility imaginable. And men, who’ve always been bigger, more dangerous children to them, must comply with this risk aversion by law or by shame.

Women are unhappy because they expect unhappiness. They’ve been taught that the security they sought in men was a weakness; one they need to compensate for. They were conditioned to feel shame for that need, that masculine comfort, even when they know security is never going to be guaranteed in the best of possible cases. They’re unhappy because they were taught that men’s happiness is better than women’s happiness and that’s the path they ought to follow no matter the sacrifice, no matter the damage to the family. They were taught that feminist pride and equalist hubris were a better substitute for a family – they believed the lie that they would just be ‘happy captives’.

This is a solid post right here. Only a few days ago, I thought to myself, why are white women so damn miserable? I’ve spent significant time in Southeast Asia, and one of the things I like most about the Asian women is a lot of them are happy. They are also much more feminine and submissive compared to a Westernized white woman.

I do a lot of Tinder dating, and almost started avoiding any white girl matches like the plague. It’s like something crawled inside them and died. They are never pleasant to talk to and feel the need to overvalue themselves. I almost feel bad for them because they are so lost in life. The worst part is I don’t see any signs of things getting better for them anytime soon.

Another weird thing I noticed is a lot of white women have physical features similar to ladyboys in Thailand. Why are their features so masculine? I’m not trying to put a race under a microscope, I’m white myself, but these observations aren’t something I am seeing in a few white girls here and there. It’s almost every single one of them.

Another home run Rollo. The mind blowing thought this gave me: Since the advent of feminism and the American equalist society, women have become collectively mentally ill in pursuit of the secure feeling they had before that tectonic societal shift.

I’ve been thinking about this equalism thing…we should propose a law of Equal Opportunity for Pregnancy and require equal number of men be allowed to become pregnant and force women to stop becoming pregnant…get abortions if the percent of pregnant men falls 1% or more below the percent of pregnant women. Affirmative action for pregnant men! We want it all, too!

Women are generally consumed by an overarching need for security, due to their relative physical weakness (this is the source of their nearly constant projection of “insecurity” onto any male who irks them … it’s what they feel when they are being reactive to the environment, so they project it onto us). This, when coupled with hypergamy, leads to a needling sense of unhappiness because the optimal which is needed to assuage feelings of insecurity is unattainable for most, which leads to disappointment and unhappiness.

In part this works well. Women being constantly dissatisfied isn’t terrible when it comes to child rearing, as it helps them improve and become better. It has also inspired many men over many generations to achieve more than they otherwise would have done. So there is some method to the madness. But it doesn’t make them *happy*. Happiness for women is a fleeting state, plagued constantly by lack of security. For us, we do not suffer from that for the most part barring a mental issue. But … we don’t have the easy access to sex they have and so on. Advantages and disadvantages for each sex, as we well know.

Men are a source of security for women whether financial, physical presence, or being an emotional rock /oak. It’s ironic that feminism tells women to provide their own security to be happy and to not need men or maybe that’s what they are afraid of – needing men.

I don’t find the post puzzling. (I dont’ find many things in life puzzling. So it might just be me. No one annoys me more than when they start a statement by saying: “I don’t understand why…”)

It is a little back and forth, but I find it a good follow up to the “Why?” of the last post.

If Sentient is puzzled, it is the same reason for why Blax is puzzled by guys learning game. Because of their level. They (those two) are The New Set of Books 3.0 in inter-sexual Relationship Game. I’m coming around to understanding the frustration of the YSG’s and the lack of talent in women out there. But reality exists. And a guy has to have agency and control his circumstances. Red pill and game can help.

Yes. Women are programmed to mitigate risk. Talk about evopsych, they developed that in their firmware operating in groups of 75 to 100 in a tribe. Ever since cognition developed as a value added thing from regular animals 75,000 years ago and tribes of homo-sapiens developed hind-brain, mid-brain, and fore-brain over the last 50,000 years in an evironment that was nothing like it is in 2016. Kinship altruism and tribal altruism from men worked like a charm back then, Even in 1750 indian tribes. Men risked, and women mediated that risk in tribes.

The operating principle for females was to evolve ways to provide for the safety of her, because of the safety of the children depended on her. Whether that firmware led to duplicity (dual strategies and it didn’t serve the happiness of men), it sure was how Mother Nature ensured that Mother Nature was successfull and species like homo sapiens were pretty, pretty, pretty successful at surviving.

As explained in Joseph W. South’t Female Stages of Manipulation, manipulation is done for Female Safety and The Safety of the Children (TM). It can be positive or negative. It is positive when it serves a man’s interest and negative when it doesn’t. But it is a feature/bug of their (women’s) system. It was evolved psychology

“The masterful Pook once said that the surest way to make a woman unhappy is to give them everything they want.”

OK, the problem is that women’s forebrains are not conditioned these days (2016) to actually receive their feminine ecstacy: to be filled up with love from a man they trust (a man that can actually Deep Convert her, or fake it like Christian Grey. The put up barriers to actually being able to recieve the Masculine Hypergamous Best Version Their Self Can Get/Deserve for them and their children.) That is also firmware plus programming.

They can’t get happy because they have limited skills in actually receiving what they were programmed to want. Mostly because of feminist doctrine and lately social media.
The debate about choreplay:
“This time the spin is that women will cheat on their husbands if they don’t do more chores.”

False survey in the debate: They surveyed women who already were cheating or want to cheat in France and that was just rationalization/hamsterizing a proxy reason. They (the women) couldn’t actually just come out and say thier husband/their relationship sucked and they needed to come up with a reason.

From the OP: “The worst case scenario is what is subconsciously planned for to the point that, even a man whom a woman loves and trusts, a woman’s first expectation from him is failure.”
Yep, hence the need for continued testing. If a man doesn’t test well, hence Female Stages of Manipulation. And down the road, if he continues to fail testing, Betatization.

“Women are unhappy because they expect unhappiness”. Hence the feminized globalization of mitigating all risk and it travels upward to the globalization described in AntiFragile by Nassim Taleb, it works up until the Black Swan of todays intersexual landscape. A man is best served then by bottoms up optionality. Low downside, high upside, rather than the feminist/governmental strategy of mitigating all risk.

So what are you going to do about it?

Understand the stages that can happen in intersexual relationships today.

@ RedPill_BitterPill had a courageous admission about the state of the game for him. I also shed a tear for him reading that on the deer hunting stand today, and am glad for Blaximus’ empathy. I’m a little to short on time, but hope to give him some reply on why he should actually care about red pill awareness for his own sake and agency and real power to control his circumstances and the direction of his life in the future. I think his wife would want him to agency and power and happiness to control his circumstances in the future. I think red pill and actully Game can do that.

We need models. Red Pill_Bitter Pill actually had an Old Set of Books 1.0 that worked for his marriage. We all agree in light of the original post today that that time has passed. The Set of Books 2.0 is that of the Independent Man and Woman Being Together, But Able To Walk Away (TM). That’s the landscape.

I totally accept the criticism of Deida someone commented on in the last thread because it is valid. Deida leans in to much to women in a Purple Pill fashion. (That is why I called BS on the bellying up to the Bitch and accept her stuff 12 years ago.) Just like Athol Kay, though that does not invalidate his original models of how women and men actually operate under the hood. Their only fucking models for crissakes, do what you want with them. Is Roosh’s Bang book invalidated because he changed? Is Neil Strauss’ sparking the manosphere and generations in the manosphere invalidated because he changed and was always a beta bitch? (well that’s kinda harsh, or not). Is Mystery’s original stuff invalidated because of being high in Amsterdam and “settling down”? I think not.

But Deida’s 3.0 model is actually what Blaximus espouses for men in real life, what Sentient espouses and does, and what Rollo actually does in real life, (but talks about rarely), and it is what KFG knows what to do (like when he posts up stuff like that last ZED book and the Alan Watt’s book). You can criticize OMG’s idealism all you want. But they are not giving you a prescription, they are talking about abstract principles, they know to be true.

Red Pill awareness and Game (including the concepts of PUA game) if subscribed to and developed through mastery will actually, possibly allow you to be a guy that can deeply convert a woman because you are so awesome, but at the same time are a Stoic, and also not have any fear of your performance.

“When the third-stage man forgets his home and temporarily wanders in search, he always wakes up to the same moment: this living moment, now, spontaneously arising, luminous as the objects within it and conscious as the witness of itself. He realizes that this living moment is always appearing to itself. This moment is neither dependent on him nor independent of him, but arises, spontaneously and consciously, inclusive of him.”

Hey I didn’t shoot any deer today, but I had a sublime experience. (Actually I had to get away from my wife after a blow out argument–hey shit happens. And she seems conciliatory. I may never deeply convert her but I’ll die trying. Or she’ll die and I’ll move on). I only saw 7 would not bang (firearms) deer. But I did find out what was making all those bird sounds the last nine years. I saw a green heron as I sat perched over a watering hole that deer were frequenting, but didn’t see me because to the 20 foot speckled alders I planted for cover three years ago. The green heron was poaching the goldfish I planted in my 20 foot wide by 10 foot deep watering hole to keep the mosquitos down. That Mother Nature is a bitch. She’s the force of life, but she can also be destructive to individuals.

TL:DR (Teal Deer): Enjoy the energy from women (even if non-sexual). Beware of their destructiveness and mitigate your downside risk, but leave open the up-side benefits.

This is a very BPD characteristic. If a BPD is unhappy it’s YOUR fault.

My crazy ex whom I’ve written about had always been super happy…until one day she wasn’t–a very BPD trait.

I went from walking on water to not being able to do anything right.

Some examples of constant shaming/frame snatching:

“You don’t understand me…”

“I need a guy who can take care of me…”

“You’re so selfish…”

“You should not make me go home on my own, you should accompany me…”

and variations of these. I would push back, Agree and Amplify, laugh…but after she left me…finally I was distraught and second-guessed myself.

Suddenly I began chasing and feeling responsible for not living up to her expectations=lost of frame control.

A woman’s happiness is less important as the “Value” you’re bringing/delivering. Are you demonstrating higher value in EVERY situation? Does being accommodating LOWER your value?

If you’re with enough different women you can spot who’s sincere and who’s not when it comes to talking about her feelings. If she’s making you feel responsible for her happiness as opposed to feeling down about some thing that happened during her day—you’re in a situation where you need to establish boundaries.

If you establish boundaries/maintain frame…the issue of a woman’s “happiness” become moot.

Women derive a sense of self from their external environment. All she is is based on how others see her. This is why being alone for a female is a fate worse then death for them; at least dying nets a funeral. This is also why females change entire personalities when seeing a new guy.

Men derive theirs from internal accomplishment. In a society where men are shamed into accomplishing nothing and women are told to seek themselves from within, no one is going home happy.

Way back in the day I worked for a self improvement speaker who had a book out that was called, “Absolute Happiness”. His take was that our natural state was to be happy all of the time. He spoke to huge crowds which were predominantly made up of women. I was only in my early twenties at the time but it taught me a lot about how screwed up people are and the hoops they will jump through in pursuit of their delusions.

There’s a common saying that goes, ‘happy wife, happy life’. Whenever a guy says this about his own marriage a little bit of me dies inside. These poor schmucks think that if they run around enough ‘making her happy’ which means doing what she says more or less then they’ll be all right. The truth is that they will never arrive at the point where they will be able to stop running. They are the proverbial mouse on the spinning wheel. It will only end when she divorces his sorry ass.

I find that women can be placed into two distinct categories. There are those who will take anything that you say in the negative and those who will assume the positive. The first group far outnumber the second. With the negative, ie unhappy group you will always be in a state of explaining, defending, and justifying every word that comes out of your mouth.

With the second group you don’t have to do this, at least not as much. These women are not constantly on the lookout to go on the attack. This is the type of woman to aim for. I define this woman as a happy woman. At least as happy as they can be.

By observation and how they act, seems they are really only happy when they are young. Like senior high school, first few years of college. When they’re taking group selfies all over the place.
As long as there’s no tragic story they can tell to say how strong they were to come through it. Then they’re at their happiest later in life as a handful of celebrities like to use themselves as examples. But that’s also influenced by accruing whatever amounts of money from being a celebrity.
But overall, they’re happiness aligns well with your SMV chart.

@Rollo: brilliant post. Aligns so much with my observation with wife, family etc.

One of the things that makes my marriage a net negative in terms of value I derive from it is the constant negativity and unhaapppy state of my wife.
Of course this is because I’m beta bucks at best, in LDR mode, and haven’t managed to turn it around in 1 solid year – now I’m progressively reaching a point where I just don’t care.

I always thought “her happiness is her responsibility, not mine” even as BP, but now I see these important nuances.

Kind of wish I could show this article to my wife, but it wouldn’t really change anything.

These women cheated because hypergamy doesn’t care, and hypergamy doesn’t care about the chores.
The guys they cheated on where mostly betas or relatively betas, even if they didn’t do the chores (and more ridiculous, I’m pretty certain several of them actually did, but it didn’t matter because they didn’t do it just the way the woman wanted).
The guys they cheated with were alphas or relatively alpha (situational alphas perhaps) – and they certainly didn’t do the dishes either, and if they vacuumed anything it wasn’t the floor…

@Scrib
First off, thank you for your response to my earlier question. I don’t think you’re the wrong guy to ask because I can relate to a lot of the issues you went through. I was something of a bumbling natural myself, but saddled with so much BP thinking that I cringe now at all the missed opportunities. I’ve had success with women but lately my experience is the difference between having sufficient hand-eye coordination and youthful speed to get a cross-court lob back across the net, versus having a backhand that can make the other guy have to chase the ball. And I’m dealing with similar time restraints, so it’s helpful to see how other guys are handling that.

– As a Natural, some of game is easy for me to understand and execute. I can talk to anyone and open etc, I’m gregarious and at least somewhat charming, when not bubbling with homicidal rage of course…And I can also flirt and sexualize and tease when I want. I’m not shut down around beautiful women, so you’d think that I’d have an easier time of it…

See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. I have this exact same experience. No trouble talking to hotties or anyone else. What I have had to overcome is the idea that I would want to talk to anyone. Sure, I CAN be charming and talk to anyone, but, ugh, mostly I just want people to leave me the fuck alone. To use an analogy I got from Yareally (I think), deep down in my bones, I don’t want to be Mr. Barstar, lots-of-friends guy. I want to eat pizza and play vidya and when I get horny, I want to summon a supermodel for sexy time, then dismiss her so I can get back to killing orcs with my level 90 dark elf wizard. I don’t want to be dynamic, passionate, or authentic. I don’t even really give a shit about being “masculine.” I just want to be left alone to do the stuff that I like to do, but I want the results that only seem to come from doing a whole bunch of annoying, tedious stuff that I don’t like to do. This is the exact attitude that is going to make the coming sexbot revolution so devastating. I’m not the only lazy child who doesn’t want to do the hard work.

There’s lots of divergence between your story and mine, but I can definitely relate to it. Thank you for laying out your background as it does help to understand your description of your path.

Inner game is everything.
There is no technique, there is only who you are being as a foundation. Using technique and routines and practicing will make you confront who you are being. Practice opening and running sets as a way of exploring yourself. I found in the moment that my motivations were FI and BP informed in many real ways.

That right there is gold, especially for the new-to-PUA people. Ultimately, I agree with Yareally that (just) getting laid requires zero inner game, but your point is solid. And whatever internal reconciliation is necessary to get dudes to just try the stupid routines and dancing monkey stuff is fine. If they’re willing to practice the techniques, even if they think they’re dumb at first, I believe the inevitable consequence is a positive feedback loop. Inner game improves and the techniques don’t look as stupid or dancing monkey anymore. I didn’t think the techniques were dumb, so I didn’t struggle with that. I did notice that my understanding of the techniques was very different after I went out to apply them in-field.

The only way for me was/is to do the following:
1. Pick a course. For me, MM is easily the best of any of them but other guys may direct you elsewhere. But whatever you do, you have to have a method to your approach or you will not improve.

Totally agree. I have wasted way too much time bouncing between systems. That’s a personal character flaw in me, but also a common mistake for noobs in all disciplines.

2. Practice – Open women up everywhere. Even ones you don’t want to fuck. Experience how it works, see the truth in operation. I tell marketing people that they should be sales people first so they know what it’s like to hold demand in their hands, what it feels like to win and lose deals. Ditto for pick up, you have to experience it.

Totally agree. In this case, my organic sense of adventure makes this easy, but I can definitely see how new guys can drown in approach anxiety. This is also where it’s critical to have a system, so I know what to practice. Otherwise, as I’ve found, I end up just flailing around slapping at the panel, hoping to hit the right switches.

3. Do field reports. Repeat. Do field reports. Guys here will give you mad insights.

In theory, I completely agree. In practice, I don’t yet have the discipline to do this regularly. Witness how long it’s taken me to get back to you here. At this rate, it’ll be next Halloween before I finally post up my FR from this year’s challenge. But I can already see value in a “FR” that forces me to confront how lazy it is not to post FRs.

Where am i at now? I finally am confronting my resignation and cynicism and sadness and hopelessness and rage. It has been worsened a bit by the Red Pill as i initially tried to fire myself up like I did when I was 30 and that’s not where I’m at. I am MUCH smarter and more efficient and effective, I just have to get after it. I find that at this point of my life, keeping things simple, keeping it in the day and just having a series of small goals is really helping me get off the mat right now. Instead of obsessing on the long game, i’m focused on the day. I’m headed in the right direction, I just need to let go of all the regret and fear.

Game is central to this struggle for me and it may not be obvious how. I’m amazed by my own capacity for self-deception. I truly was not aware of how bad my attitude had become. Inside, I lived in some kind of fantasy where I was still that guy from 15 years ago and that everything was just going to work out somehow, I managed to ignore how shit was just falling apart. This is very common with mental illness…It’s very hard to admit this. Man, do I love anonymity.

Holy shit do I relate to this. This could have been cut/pasted directly from one of my journal entries. And the rest of your response resonated with me. I don’t quite get the DPA stuff, coming from a different philosophical bent, but watching the other guys hash this stuff out has been amazing fodder for me to question my own beliefs. There’s still a lot of residual BP conditioning to root out.

I was at a conference recently and noticed how many of the women have masculine features and traits. The ones with more masculine features/traits generally seemed to be the ones most upset by Trump being elected (this conference started the day after the election).

The unhappiness is not limited to career women, though. When my daughter was on a summer swim team, I noticed how so many of the swim team mommies almost never smiled. Most of them either didn’t work or they worked at jobs that were just a means to an end (i.e., sparing no expense on little Aiden or Emily). The mommies seemed kind of happy yet kind of not at the same time.

I’d say career type women are the most unhappy, but my observation that women just can’t be pleased seems to transcend job or marital status.

Definitely. Still find it mindboggling how all sense of proportion is lost regarding minor issues. Seems to affect females of all ages, which is bizarre considering the amount of hardship they see reported on television.

The default state of women is unhappy, because the default state of *everyone* is unhappy. The difference is that unhappy women are simultaneously desirous of a man to take care of things for them and to fix them for her, and (generally speaking) are risk adverse due to evolutionary pressures, so don’t seek out ways to better their condition themselves.

Men, who’s default state is to be just as unhappy as women, are problem solvers and doers (generally speaking) so they seek to change their circumstances. Nothing is sadder, and more contemptible, than a man who has given up. It was men, after all, who went off to explore new lands and acquire resources to obtain mates, many of whom died in the process.

@IAS
“Kind of wish I could show this article to my wife, but it wouldn’t really change anything.”

That’s because your might still be assuming she’s a logical being and not a child… but the “wouldn’t really change anything” part shows you’re starting to get it. The “wish” part shows the RP is still stuck in your throat.

I like this article – it’s reminiscent of the older articles in its stating of theme and development and encourages the reader to extrapolate to his own experience and situation. I much prefer this style rather than the ‘spinning off a posted comment’ type. It stands up for itself nicely.

“In an age of mass media and instantaneous communication (women’s domain)…” The money sentence of the whole piece IMO and explains so much of our current zeitgeist. Men forget this, but this IS the main detractor of happiness for men, and I would argue women as well. For women it just adds to their hamster wheel of insecurity. For men, it just pisses us off. I got off Facebook for this very reason. The virtue signaling was so malignant – men acting like women and women acting like men for “like” points and status.

Regarding happiness in general, late stage empires like ours are always rife with unhappiness I’m afraid. Struggle, and perseverance over struggle gives us contentment… It gives our lives meaning… When we have every creature comfort at our fingertips we tend to get into some pretty bad mind-space. Several years ago a study was done of Korean maids and their rich Korean employers if I recall. The maids ended up far higher on the happiness index than their employers. The maids had robust social and support networks and they felt their work had meaning. The latter were atomized, lonely, disconnected, depressed. It turns out in fact that when we do have everything we want, we find it rather empty and unfulfilling.

For men, I would argue (and maybe it’s just my particular personality type) that true happiness comes when we are constantly testing and refining our skills… When we are testing our courage and not coming out wanting. In other words, happiness is found in the act of “becoming”, not arriving.

For me, I find I’m happiest in two or three situations 1) When I’m completely “in the zone” – creating something either with my hands, building a patio for instance or learning a new song on the guitar, or writing a killer report, hell even whittling a stick or 2) When I’m testing my skills, courage, or strength and come out on top. For instance, I did a 150 mile mountain bike race in the mountains a few years ago. It was the most agonizing, unpleasant, miserable, physically grueling challenge I’d ever put myself through… I came in near the very back of the pack every day of the race… And yet, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. I tested myself and I came out on top.

I’ve argued in the past and I honestly believe that men don’t need many of the physical manifestations of comfort to be happy. I’d be perfectly content with a small one bedroom house, one spoon, a bowl, a plate a good pair of work boots, a couple pairs of dungarees and a few work shirts. I would have been in Nirvana as an 1800s fur trapper, constantly testing myself in the great expanse of the west with my trusty rifle, wandering completely alone (save for a few hot little Indian squaws waiting in the cabins I built by hand)… Hey, gotta spin those plates right?

All of this goes to say that it really does prove Rollo’s axiom that if you want happiness, “don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.” The very act of *becoming* better is the elixir of happiness.

For women, the methods are different, but the process is the same. The method of happiness for them should be defined through nurturing, through successfully raising children and a family, keeping a warm, inviting home. If you think about it, it’s the same process of *becoming*, but it manifests itself through molding, caring for, protecting and nurturing their spawn. Women are unhappy primarily because they are simply not well-suited to the acts of becoming they are required to partake in today. Women don’t want to test their skills, their courage, their strength… They desperately want to nurture and care, but this goes against the orthodoxy of equalism, so naturally they are unhappy. This manifests itself in some really troubling ways as Rollo reports so often here, but it has a much larger and more malignant impact on society and culture.

Consider the phrase “retail therapy”… It’s the false god that women worship to assuage the unhappiness of being thrust into roles they are not well-suited for on the one hand. And it’s misplaced because their “consumption” serves no larger purpose. The feminine demand for resources isn’t a bad thing per se, when it’s put to use for a higher purpose – raising a family and keeping a home. Only now it isn’t… Consumption has become the goal in and of itself. Men have fallen into this frame unfortunately and our entire culture, society and economy is now dominated by one thing… consumption. It’s the feminine nesting instinct on steroids, run amuck. But increasingly it’s not being put to use for the purpose for which it was intended.

At a macro level, most of our global instability is a consequence of the feminine demand for resources. Sure men start the wars, but they do it because they’re being led around by the balls — more resources, more chicks. Left to our own devices, we’d be just fine with our spoon and our bowl.

With chaste heart, and pure
eyes
I celebrate you, my beauty,
restraining my blood
so that the line
surges and follows
your contour,
and you bed yourself in my verse,
as in woodland, or wave-spume:
earth’s perfume,
sea’s music.

Nakedly beautiful,
whether it is your feet, arching
at a primal touch
of sound or breeze,
or your ears,
tiny spiral shells
from the splendour of America’s oceans.
Your breasts also,
of equal fullness, overflowing
with the living light
and, yes,
winged
your eyelids of silken corn
that disclose
or enclose
the deep twin landscapes of your eyes.

The line of your back
separating you
falls away into paler regions
then surges
to the smooth hemispheres
of an apple,
and goes splitting
your loveliness
into two pillars
of burnt gold, pure alabaster,
to be lost in the twin clusters of your feet,
from which, once more, lifts and takes fire
the double tree of your symmetry:
flower of fire, open circle of candles,
swollen fruit raised
over the meeting of earth and ocean.

Your body – from what substances
agate, quartz, ears of wheat,
did it flow, was it gathered,
rising like bread
in the warmth,
and signalling hills
silvered,
valleys of a single petal, sweetnesses
of velvet depth,
until the pure, fine, form of woman
thickened
and rested there?

It is not so much light that falls
over the world
extended by your body
its suffocating snow,
as brightness, pouring itself out of you,
as if you were
burning inside.

Happiness is a male construct. It is related to achievement, to conquering, often via extreme physical and violent measures. It’s the result of men fulfilling their biological destiny to overcome their environment and survive. Hence the victor (male) can “stand down” and rest and ENJOY the victory.

A woman’s highest purpose is to have children and her biological success is based on a seed entering her body. That’s it. Sex (not necessarily reproduction, reproduction is an effect of procuring the seed).

She does not need to climb Everest, storm Omaha Beach or go public. All she has to do to reach success is lay down.

Of course she could never then be happy with nature’s bar for accomplishment set so low.

A few years ago I came to a rather simple conclusion: women are not built to be happy.

Last year I came to the conclusion that I had finally figured out what women want. It’s one word: MORE. The more changes depending on the phase of life that they’re in but it remains a constant in their lives because hypergamy doesn’t care.

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise then women are more miserable than they’ve ever been. If they aren’t built to be happy and their own biology is constantly pestering them with more that’s bad but from an evolutionary perspective it might actually help keep her and her offspring alive in a resource poor environment. However, we now in a live in a resource rich environment where no matter how hard they try simply can’t have it all, no one can, it’s not possible.

It’s no wonder then that feminism continues to grow and that the demands for more become even ridiculous and shriller. If women can’t be happy then no one can because after all, misery loves company.

First, it’s a classic case of the subject changing its character upon observation: women are invested in having men perceive them as in need and that causes women to exaggerate their unhappiness and neediness in order to enlist the support of men.

This issue may be discussed only via anecdotal observations. My observations are women are happier than most men: women live longer, they take on far less stress than men, they are relieved from having to do the dirty dangerous jobs, they work fewer hours, they have more leisure, they have more friends on average than their beta hubby providers.

Walk around a middle or upper middle class suburb at midday Monday through Friday. What do you observe? You will observe hundreds of women of leisure lounging, happily walking their children, jogging, doing yoga, sipping coffee, laying by the pool while the men you will see are working on the street or cutting the grass. Then travel downtown. What do you observe? Women of leisure lunching and shopping (spending the money men make for them). Now walk about that same suburb on a Saturday and you will observe the men doing chores.

“In this case it is women who are largely misled by the equalist narrative.”

My daily workplace of hundreds and hundreds is 70% women, mostly in mid-level and support staff. They are dissatisfied as their job incentive is financial, not personal. Rarely do women leave because of the wage. They leave because of personal issues and burn bridges.

Since health care reform in 2010 I’ve asked dozens of female staff, randomly: If your job did not offer health coverage, would you work here?

None, and I mean none, answered affirmatively. They work .5-1.0 FTE for family health coverage and/but not the husband (he has to get his own if employed somewhere else that offers it). He then scrabbles what he can in his occupation as the primary bread-winner. Third-party-payer system distorts a woman’s natural incentive away from family, serves the FI (women outstrip men’s health care needs exponentially, live longer, use benefits more, and men pay for it)…and creates unhappiness. Beta Uncle Sam gets no love in return. The parasite mustn’t kill the host. Heh, wealth transfers have diminishing marginal utility. #MAGA.

Full disclosure: I’m a HSA fan.

They would prefer not to work, their hind brain tells them so, their forebrain dissembles the overt sadness, but it reveals itself in after-work drinking, their bratty demeanor, a cynical CYA attitude. Oh, Lord the gluttony. Get in, get out and buy stuff to fill the void. Generally women here don’t try entertaining another option other than the FI. They think it’s what they must do, because everyone’s doing such.

Single young(er) women live sub-panicked as their best romantic options left them in college, tech school, often settling. The bar scene, internet don’t produce results, most want a stable LTR. Some marry, most cut their hair short (so sad), gain 20#, have 1-2 kids and come back to work pulling the plow. Those childless on the wall travel, Eat-Love-Pray, drink, cry, rage, wash, rinse, repeat. Divorcees…sad, sad, sad. Married women with kids are a bit happier as their incentives satisfy their nature and leave the building with something worthwhile at home. The happiest are those rare birds going Mommy-time, full-time.

Sidebar comment: Some single fuglies here ask completely married uninterested men to accompany them to social functions, not for sex of course, that’s be weird (ahem). No just as friends. Here’s a flipped-script scenario where the unattached unattractive women use LJBF but desire the idea of more not less. Hah! That’s clever!

The top-end female earners likewise fill the absent family with high end diversions, consumerism, sophistry of their career choice usually with a husband earning as much or more. They risk late term pregnancy dangers (fetal demise, birth defects, preeclampsia); Fear of cleft lip, Down Syndrome ever present.

The FI isn’t living up to it’s end of the bargain, women know this, and fashion a facile solution, occasionally realizing their sadness.

“I want to eat pizza and play vidya and when I get horny, I want to summon a supermodel for sexy time”

“Women derive a sense of self from their external environment. All she is is based on how others see her. This is why being alone for a female is a fate worse then death for them; at least dying nets a funeral. This is also why females change entire personalities when seeing a new guy.

Men derive theirs from internal accomplishment. In a society where men are shamed into accomplishing nothing and women are told to seek themselves from within, no one is going home happy.”

Excellent observation. Precisely on point to me now that I’m dating after divorce. Any woman interested in me is suddenly interested in doing what I do or “has always had an interest in” my activities: kayaking, scuba diving, motorcycling, cooking, etc. Yet apparently the patriarchy has never allowed them to fulfill their interest until I came along? Chameleons, all of them…or perhaps more accurately, like spiders spinning their webs.

Now that her Donald will be president, this will eat her inside out – she could have been first lady. So whats her first idea? oh i could be “ambassador”, because at least i have to profit in some way with some social status from the guy i divorced 25 years ago.

The trouble is in how we are raising our men. My wife and I have already agreed that we will tell our son to marry a submissive girl whose mother didn’t get fat or just don’t get married. Honestly, men are the problem. We make the mistake of trying to keep her pleased so that she won’t cut us off in the bedroom that night. It doesn’t work. Making a habit of this behavior turns you into her underling. You become her pushed around, emasculated, little bitch. That is not how to generate attraction in a woman and it is not how to keep her invested in the relationship. She started dating you because she is attracted to men. Be one. If she was attracted to pussies, she’d be a lesbian.

The very first time she tries to henpeck or have a power struggle, show her the door. Tell her that the two of your are here to help each other enjoy life more and if she not going to make that her goal always in how she treats you, then it’s not going to work out. Nobody is forcing us to stick around and endure the sort of treatment that so many American women insist is all they’re willing to offer. Let her have no attention or one night stands that lead to rejection shortly afterward or let her grow old in the company of her cat until she figures it out. If she wants the security that a man can offer or the family that she needs one to build, she can choose to be worthy of it. Otherwise, let her be a strong, independent, lonely, unhappy harpy who can’t afford nice things, has to take the trash out by herself, has to investigate things that go bump in the night on her own, and has nobody to hold her when her mom dies or the test results on a lump are taking long time to come back.

There are a lot of submissive women. Reddit, is full of them self-identifying as such and proud of it. Get one and make sure that she knows that she is superior to all other women. Make sure that she knows that that other type of woman is below her. Treat her like the cherished gem that a submissive woman is and make sure that she understands why. Make sure to have clear expectations and maintain the dynamic too. You’ll both be happier. Leave the non-submissives to what they get for being “strong and independent”. I’m sure that their cat will find them impressive.

Increasingly women are coming to the conclusion that this pro-woman life plan has been nothing but feel-good advertising, and now, after having invested their most productive years in this narrative they find that they are largely unhappy with the results its brought into their lives.
…
Article after article and study after study show that women’s perceived happiness is at an all-time low since researchers have been collecting data on it.

It has recently occurred to me that ‘giving women what they want’ is a 2-step process:

1) Don’t give a shit what she wants
2) Give her the opportunity to serve you/give you what you want

@marquisdestate

That makes sense. Women treat men like they want to be treated. So how they want to treated, then, is to be ruthlessly used and exploited in a purely utilitarian manner for as long as it ‘feels good’ for him to do so. That, uh…really can’t be dis-proven, in my experience.

@Happilymarriedtoasubmissive

Man, good fucking luck with any hot, young (under 30) submissive girl in today’s culture. You put her in any social situation where you’re not there, and there are aggressive dudes around, and what is bound to happen – I’ll describe this way: if you were a fly on the wall, you see pretty quickly that she’s not only submissive to you. If she’s out with girlfriends who are flirting/making out/fucking other hawt guys, what are the odds she won’t be doing the same? Virtually zero. What are the odds she’s hamster, bury the reality of what happen, and take it to her grave (or entirely rationally dissociate) rather than ever tell you what happened? Virtually 100%. Be careful what you wish for, unless you don’t mind being cucked. Or keep her under your watch/purview basically 100% of the time. But it ain’t 1958 anymore. A quick browsing of Athol Kay’s message board will attest to all of the fucked-up shit that submissive women are discovered to do when Athol’s extreme vetting techniques are implemented (I think Rollo has made clear he doesn’t agree with taking that step). It’s an ugly picture. An “independent” type of girl, who’s neither particularly dominant or submissive, is probably least likely to cheat behind your back. Slightly less likely.

Again, hit the nail on the head here! I definitely agree that almost all women nowadays have no idea what makes them really happy. Only after several years of introspection and research have I come to a satisfying conclusion about what makes me, as a woman, happy. Like everyone else, I was brought up to be exactly like a man – women should be fierce go-getters in careers, relationships, and sex. This is just not true! I can truly say that I’ve been there and done that and women are NOT designed to sustain the same kind of drive and goal-orientated achievement that men are. It is no surprise that women are far more likely than men to get these modern ‘diseases’ like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E. From a biochemical point of view, society is teaching us all to behave as though we have a man’s level of testosterone, when we only have the tiniest fraction of it. Oxytocin is actually the happiness-making chemical for women and it comes from bonding, sharing, relationships, sex, feeling nurtured, and all of these other feminine traits that are slowly being forgotten about. As far as happiness in relationships goes, as long as the woman subscribes to the modern-day mindset of both partners are equal in everything, the more frustrated she will become and the less oxytocin she will have. Women need to learn to let go, embrace their nurturing sides (it is not a crime to want to ‘serve’ a man!), and allow themselves to be ‘taken care of’ by men, without getting all uptight. It’s also crucial to understand the difference between men and women as regards sex: sure, some women like to sleep around and have a good time, but in the long run it doesn’t make them happy. Women are NOT men. What makes us happy is a man who takes charge in the bedroom and out of it, who ‘takes us for a ride’ while making us feel safe. Yes, we can have our ‘alpha fucks’, but real happiness in a woman comes from bonding in all our relationships, romantic or otherwise. Men should be free to pursue what makes them happy (lots of sex partners, achievements, legacy?), and women should be free to do likewise.

Whoops sorry for the confusion! What I meant was that women should prioritise those activities which build our oxytocin levels (anything to do with achieving ‘closeness’ in any kind of relationship or friendship) over those which drain our measly testosterone reserves (actively pursuing things like sex, career, etc). I could be wrong, just throwing my hat into the ring from a girl’s perspective! Feel free to disagree 🙂

Young women are frequently abrasive and opinionated and act like Entitled Princesses ™. Young single men are the group who suffer the most from these women. And most of these women are riding the cock carousel. Almost every single one has one or more fuckbuddies as well as a bf/husband. Herpes is rampant and you’ll see lots of women in their 20s with face breakouts from taking antibiotics to treat gonorrhea.

Mateguarding themselves in the under-30 group of women? lolz I see these women in bars, at meetups, in the grocery store, etc. They lie about where they’re going to their bfs/husbands.

Then there are older women who ride the carousel of older men, but expect you to treat them like ladies. lolz

Still, I don’t have trouble finding unicorns, either. But you have to look for devout young (18-23 yo) women who attend church regularly, and the church has to be very conservative and not all the women who you see at these churches are unicorns…but there are a few and they are looking for devout men as prospective husbands. No sex before marriage for them. You have to throw out the sex-by-third-date rule for them. Old set of books, but they will need training like any other broad and they will have to be trained to be submissive as RP men understand it.

Pursuing “happiness” is juvenile and stupid and both men and women are guilty of it.

And there are some women who are “strong” and “independent.” But it’s about maybe 1%.

And those chicks are cool AF.

Can’t wait to run into the next one.

So I believe it’s a good goal for women to have. They just have a lot of competing narratives to deal with. “Strong and Independent” is unfortunately conflated with Sex and the City or insert-vapid-nonsense-media-here. And that’s a shame.

Of course women are unhappier! Any woman who has an SMV of 5 and above is convinced that she is entitled to a top tier man.

Why is that?

The sexual revolution has allowed women to fuck around and they are stupid enough to believe that the men they can fuck are the same as the ones they can marry.

Once they’ve had that alpha cock they are ruined for anything else.

You think a semi cute 6 who has been pliers by male 8/9’s will ever be happy “settling” for a male 6 on her own level?
She may do it for security and provisioning reasons but only when she has exhausted all her options for securing alpha commitment.

Why do you think women work these soul crushing corporate jobs rather than be taken care of by a dependable faithful beta?

Women HATE fucking betas, women HATE monogamy with betas, they would rather work that shitty job for the mere CHANCE of fucking alphas and locking one down than have to put up with your needy pathetic mauling every night.

I really don’t think your AFC understands this and they are happy to eat the cum soaked post wall scraps of alphas for a few years before the inevitable divorce rape that “they never saw coming” .

Women’s contempt for betas knows no bounds you are less than human to them, but they know they have to throw you a few scraps of affection/sex to keep you a willing cart horse.

Women will be unhappy whenever they don’t believe they have the best man they can get, and as they are usually unrealistic about their own SMV due to social media ass kissing etc and add in the relative scarcity of top tier men 10% max in my opinion , then it’s obvious most women are destined to be unhappy.

I’d actually argue that alpha men are nearer 10% than the oft quoted 20% and that top tier men ( the men that rarely get cheated on) is probably no more than 1-2%.

@PUA guys – various responses below from the last thread – just sticking them in here:

I’m taking on board all the advice and now I’m going to implement it over the next few days or it’s pointless.

So I’ll be around the comments as usual but I won’t be posting any new FRs for a few days – *unless* I have something genuinely new/unusual to report – either progress, roadblock or interesting experience.

But it benefits no one for me to put up another FR saying “And I spoke to some girls and had good reactions and IOIs but I let the conversation fizzle out and self-ejected”. Even I’m sick of typing it out.

Oh btw – mini-LR – I finally banged the MILF I blew off on Sunday, a couple of days later. She was still super keen to meet. Details not important – absolutely textbook, no LMR (why is it that girls always say you’re “staring” when lasering them? But her reaction to it was still good). Was good to get laid for sure but I really couldn’t escape a feeling of “meh..didn’t learn anything there”. Still, unbeatable for the getting laid part..

@Hank – yeah man I agree with that latest stack stuff you posted. What you’re describing is basically what I do on dates – when I first started online dating and doing lots of dates I’d script it out much more tightly and more detail, and then less so as I got better. Now my (date) subcomms and experiences are much better because I’ve been having so much success so there’s really no script at all. There are a few waypoints I hit (always sexualise in first couple of mins – comment on ass or legs etc) and a couple of reliable DHV stories, but that’s it. And I lead of course.

Pretty much the same thing I need with cold approach – bit more rigid early on and as I get better it will get flowing. To be honest, once I’m actually IN a conversation (i.e., more than 5-10 sentences exchanged) I’m fine even now, I can wing it. Just the getting into a conversation beyond an opener/reply/my response exchange that is tricky.

@Zhu – Great post with the quantum analogy. It’s really good to see more posts trying to bridge the understanding gaps in the arguments here.

@Sentient – Listening to Sisters of Mercy’s Lucretia as I type this. I think I kinda get what you mean – there’s something more primal (for want of a better word) than Eye of the Tiger – taps different emotions. The adrenaline feeling in my stomach is familiar – I get it with AA, especially when I DO an approach. Not that often, which is probably a sign I’m not going enough out of the comfort zone.

I take your points about getting more physical when girls touch me or give me IOIs etc. In this particular FR it would have been difficult – their boyfriends were right there in most cases.

I think this bit here from you is the absolute key for me – it’s what I need to focus on for a while now – acting/escalating instead of words while channeling desire:

“The solution is to ACT on the feelings… demonstrate your feelings with actions… touch, BF posture kino and lead her to isolation…

Acta non verba. THIS is the next level for you. And the first step to that is getting used to the dopamine feeling… and then you can start acting on it.”

I know what you mean by the “feeling” and how she reacts to it and how the feedback loop makes me feel even better – it’s pretty much what I was doing with the 18 year old Tinder chick from a couple weeks when I was LEADING her where I wanted and got the parking garage BJ (it’s interesting with her – she was always compliant, but the more dominant I got – with the kissing, later with getting her tits out etc the more obviously turned on she got – it’s like textbook).

@HABD – LOL. I literally laughed out loud when watching Sherman video clip. All right I take your point. It really does feel that a lot of the last year or two has been slowly going further and further through the stages of that clip.

Point taken – I’m fixing this issue now.

@NewbieOnPoint – thank you, I hadn’t actually seen those particular RSD clips – let me look at it now. It’ll help for tonight.

@Walawala – thanks. Your thing with the girl with the skintight dress is exactly the kind of vibe I’m going for. I do quite well with hitting that vibe on dates but need to summon the “feeling” on cold approach when I’m much more likely to be in my head.

My wife found out I was reading this blog about a year ago. She discovered it because she was investigating why my attitude had suddenly changed. She read several of your columns. I found her reaction interesting to observe. Her reaction was fear. Since then, she actually tries to keep me from reading it by attempting to look over my shoulder when I’m reading from my smartphone.

You might think that she would respond with introspection, curiosity, or self-awareness. That was not the case. It scared the daylights out of her that I was learning these things. This goes along, I think, with what you’re explaining in today’s column. Knowledge such as this makes women feel insecure and fearful just like almost anything else beyond their control does.

This has happened to me too. A woman in my life (gone now) flipped out when I revealed some RP truth to her; she actually told me, “You have no business knowing this stuff.” When I laughed in her face, she stalked out. Knowing that I KNOW and GET IT sent her into panic mode; we ended shortly after that.

We were never supposed to get a peek behind the curtain where the sausage is made. All of this was designed to keep you blind to women’s nature and to accept all of the familiar platitudes as gospel truth. Keep digging, keep demonstrating and keep embodying what you learn.

I was an observer for my buddy when he was on a date. I made the girl “a little uncomfortable” because I was touching her a lot. Heard this through my buddy who was on a date with her and invited me along to observe her. Well, she was very abrasive and was directing barbs my way and engaging me a lot, so I decided to be obnoxious, which is a fun way to fight back. Within twenty minutes of meeting this girl (solid HB7), I had touched her on the arm, shoulder, and thigh. She was Ok with the first two, but shifted her body to face my buddy and shut me out. I mirrored her and engaged my buddy in convo, ignoring the woman. Of course she noticed this and she started back on engaging me and throwing barbs my way, lol. I wasn’t offended and found this humorous and started making obnoxious remarks about women’s ignorance about sex and how you have to train them…every single one, lol. Of course the girl piped up and claimed that she was quite proficient in sexual techniques, including being very flexible, lol. I was skeptical, so she said that her ex would verify her claims and she started to get out her phone and give me his no., lol.

I was having such a good time messing with this broad. The waiter was also laughing as he observed us and said that he found us very entertaining. We could have been a sitcom.

Anyway, this girl was showing cleavage and had lost weight…her figure looked very good, but she was very insecure about being looked at…likely had lost a LOT of weight. She was also insecure about me playing my relatively benign “Broken Taillight Game,” so I didn’t do it. She made a comment that I’m old so I could take her and my buddy to Florida, then she became apologetic and was grabbing my arm…I made a crack about it being past her bedtime, then squeezed her in a sideways bro-hug and held her like that and she curled her arm around my waist. At this point I released because the girl was for my buddy and I was getting ready to go.

So, “a little uncomfortable” means “I was really uncomfortable at first with you touching me, but I saw that you calibrated my feelings and that made me feel more comfortable so that at the end I liked having you hold me, and, oh by the way, my panties were soaked.”

Instead of my buddy taking her home right when I left, he took her to a couple of more places and talked about his feelings and she ended up pushing him away when he tried to hold her. He let her buying temp drop instead of taking her to bang immediately after I left. So she started thinking about me instead of my buddy because I had made a stronger emotional impression on the girl than my buddy did.

The girl stopped initiating texting with my buddy. We three were supposed to do another date, but the girl wanted a different venue and, oh by the way, feel free to invite Gamer. My buddy thought that she was just being nice, but I suspect that she likes me…my buddy doesn’t want me along and I wasn’t planning to go anyway.

I’ll tell my buddy to use me as a lolcow. When she asks, “Is Gamer coming?”, tell her, “No, I think he said that he needs to go make some other girl feel uncomfortable.” If she indicates real disappointment, then test her by offering to give her my no. If she takes it, then be prepared for her to flake in the middle of the date.

Maybe, someone can touch on this. I seem to notice women in groups seemingly happy. However, alone or with men is when I tend to see their sad state. Two symptoms of this is how they are so easily offended and obsessively want things to be perfect.

Millady is pushing past some of her insecurities about us too. The last month saw lots-o-tears. She isn’t as honest with herself as Rollo’s example, and there’s no point in me lecturing her about RP reality. Demonstrate, not explicate.

She’s learning, conforming with RP now, as I type, and is much, much better a person for it (I, too). She’s much more deferential and polite, less argumentative.

I hear her talking to herself occasionally (when she doesn’t know I’m within earshot) about how she needs to stay steady, kinda auto-soothing her insecurities. This is new. She doesn’t ask for Beta-style emotional comfort from me anymore, she’s doing it herself.

My game’s gotta be tight. She can’t resist to overtalk for example, and she’ll get frame-grabby. She likes the drama. I try to give it to her sexually, abundantly D, and that’s helped us understand…well…where we stand.

@Sentient – yes, I think I wasn’t close enough. Not just this time, but before. In fact I think YaReally pointed this out to me a few months ago that it’s not just the lasering, it’s the cutting distance that’s also important. Still worked this time but definitely to keep in mind.

Replying to your comment on the previous article (apologies to others for going off topic on this post):

I did see some of this debate, which I notice got a little acrimonious at times, which it really shouldn’t have, because I think most commenting on here, are doing so from a good a place, i.e. with the object of helping men not get messed about in their dealings with women.

It seemed to me there were two, maybe three, schools of thought in that argument.

The first argument was, and I’m paraphrasing “Don’t bother with marriage, or monogamous relationship, women’s nature in the modern world is too tempted by technological and political influence to allow successful traditional relationships, develop a soft harem of varying degrees of loose commitment”.

The second, seemed to be, “woman are flawed, regardless of recent technological and political trends, get married or commit, but know that you need to be on your guard, and rigorously apply red pill concepts to your relationship”.

The third, is almost the same as the second, but, had the added caveat of carefully screening woman before considering any sort of commitment, as the thinking that although women are flawed, the degree to which they are can vary.

I couldn’t say whether, things like feminism, smartphones, dating apps, instagram, etc., are too much of a head fuck for women to properly form traditional relationships. If I remember back to the 90s and early 2000s when I met my wife (just before all of the smart phone stuff, I think MP3 players were the thing at the time, but computers were still very much a male tool/toy), women weren’t particularly pleasant, and displayed the same validation seeking behaviours they do on the internet nowadays, instead they would wear very little to bars and clubs and show off that way. For a chap that had no game (particularly as I didn’t understand what a shit test was) it was still tricky.

I remember describing women’s behaviour in pubs and clubs, and what pubs and clubs were like to my Grandad and he couldn’t believe how that would lead to men ever meeting women (my Grandad would have been young in a time when men and women went to a formal dance in the village hall and got paired off that way, usually for life). Interestingly, I think my Grandma was a narcissist, and yet the marriage between my Grandad and her lasted nearly 60 years (she wore him down though, he was a tired old man, that would sit quietly in the corner paying lip service to everything my Grandma said).

In terms of how to approach relationships with women, I don’t believe, at a personal level, any of those options are right or wrong, as I think life can be somewhat like engineering, in that, anything is possible, however, every option has advantages and drawbacks, such that, given one option, what are the disadvantages? And can they be mitigated, tolerated, or out weighed by the advantages?

I think, you’ve chosen an option, are aware of what that entails, and are also making the best you can of it. Given your postings, are you worried that you’ve made a bad choice with your current girlfriend? or whether you could mange her better than you are?

I understand that you girlfriend has been diagnosed with BPD? Unfortunately, I’ve not much experience with women suffering from this illness, and I can’t offer you any advice in terms of how to deal with her.

I did have a friend who got involved with a mentally ill women (I don’t think she was BPD, but was clearly deeply disturbed), like me, he had no game, and she nearly destroyed him.

It turned out she was a hooker (she eventually admitted to being an ex-hooker), and had form in reeling men in and destroying them (he told me one of her exs was stalking her whilst my friend was with her, in my opinion, was more likely a client), lied about being pregnant, got my friend to give her money for an abortion she didn’t need, got him to pay for fancy holidays, nights out, clothes, accused him of seeing women that he couldn’t possible be seeing, cut him off from his friends and his family (for example, in one ploy she told him that I had been calling her mobile phone and saying sleazy things to her. That lie soon fell apart when I said that he was more than welcome to my itemised phone bill which was absent his girlfriend’s number), and finally started physically abusing him, before leaving him a broken man and 10s of thousands of pounds in debt, having emptied their joint bank account and stealing his last pay cheque.

If it’s of any comfort, I think everyone here is to some degree worried whether they could have made better choices, or done things better, and I think that’s why we post here. That’s certainly the case for me.

Agreed women love betas for their utility and validation. They also need betas to maintain the sewers and do the shitty jobs that keeps their comfortable society running.

Women “love betas” in a settled for marriage scenario? Not so much. And that’s what I was talking about, 80% plus of women “settle” Im marriage as there aren’t enough alphas to go round.

This makes them desperately unhappy as they see it as personal failure (wich it is) they know it , their friends know it and they hate that they weren’t good enough to snag an alpha for commitment.

Hence the sandbergian hampsterisation of ” over time nothing’s sexier” , after she’s fucked all the bad boys who wouldn’t commit of course.

A woman’s mate is an appraisal of her worth, not her career or accomplishments, degrees etc, so securing the best partner she can is literally the most important thing in her life, socially she lives or dies by it and women as we know are social creatures.

I too am doubtful about that French survey, and agree the stated lack-of-doing-chores as a reason to cheat is a post-truth 20-20 hindsight justification for cucking already in progress.

If I remember right that Daily Mail columnistress who first touted choreplay as a tingles tingler
revised her view to say she thought women found it sexy when men did MANLY chores like home repair, car stuff, wood chopping, lawn mowing etc. Washing dishes not so much.

“Even in a state of indifference, a woman’s conditioned expectation from men will always originate from a preconception of disappointment. The worst case scenario is what is subconsciously planned for to the point that, even a man whom a woman loves and trusts, a woman’s first expectation from him is failure.”

With more women in the workforce than ever before, many of them unmarried, working 40+ hour weeks, plus weekends, and in some cases out-earning their male counterparts in certain fields, and a growing percentage of married women becoming the designated financial “head of household” earning more than their husbands, the 25 to 45 year old female default setting is something more than just “disappointed”.

I’d venture to say it’s graduated to a minimum level of anger and resentment as well. And that this setting has been almost permanently baked in. Hard to subtract it out.

Female empowerment and feminist triumphalism becomes a double-edged sword and soon sours the attitudes of women. Worse, such resentful, entitled attitudes bring nothing but problems to the selfless, “team” mentality that is required for successful families and parenting. Men today know they aren’t going to win in life with such partners at their side.

First it’s: “Screw you, I can do it myself!”
Then it’s: “I hate that I have to do this myself (because so many men are such pathetic, absentee losers nowadays)!”
To finally: “So, like, everybody just thinks “I’m supposed to” do all this myself?”

What’s more interesting is that so many men are watching all of this unfold with their binoculars from a very safe distance, shrugging their shoulders, and then going right back to their careers, college football games, motorcycles, plates, jeeps, skis and surfboards.

I need to write essay for my course “Defining Feminism: A Comparative Historical “using the article https://essmart.org/comparative-essay/ I liked your view but but most of all i like comments which I want to use as the basic theses in my essay

@J.A.F.Y.K.
There are definitely some women happiest among other women and less happy among men.

But trust me when I say that women are masterful disguise artists as well.
As men we see a group of women cackling and snorting together with glee in a cafe or restaurant. We think to ourselves “gosh, they seem to be having a good bit of fun with one another.” And it’s true. Some of them are.

But never underestimate the level of jealousy, grudges, vindictiveness, backhanded remarks, manipulation and exclusionary tactics going on between them under the surface of their seemingly jovial interactions with each other. Men typically cannot pick up on this weird comms frequency of theirs.

I’ve had many girlfriends in the car ride home from a party or get to gether confide in me how deeply she has been hurt or betrayed or angered by the behavior or remarks made by women she called “friends”. Most of it is childish, petty bullshit. Other stuff would be deal breakers from a man’s perspective on friendship.

Then a day later you’ll see her happily accept and skip right back to join another Kaffeeklatsch with them again and again, smiling and laughing the entire time, only to receive more abuse.

So I don’t buy it. I think most healthy women are attracted to, and enjoy the company of men precisely because we’re not like their girl “friends”.

Interesting how this all works. HB9 got all hormonal and out of line a little bit, but by this morning apologized without me asking her to. Like this almost has never happened to me. Being high value has its advantages…First step was me realizing it was her mood, and not taking it that seriously and withdrawing. I escalated a touch and then realized the mistake.

This article is interesting. If you correlate the reduction in female happiness with the delayed and lower marriage rates since 1970, and the divorce rates it’s as though marriage and happiness are correlated for women, lol…

The title is so misleading as the uptick is a blip and really, what’s crucial is that marriage has collapsed as an institution. Picking through all the data, at the end you still have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced.

Agreed women love betas for their utility and validation. They also need betas to maintain the sewers and do the shitty jobs that keeps their comfortable society running.

nope.

Women love betas for having kids and raising families.

That’s why beta describes a reproduction/mating strategy. And if that strategy didn’t work, well, it wouldn’t still be around. And let’s be even more honest: it’s the dominant mating strategy.

This makes them desperately unhappy as they see it as personal failure (wich it is) they know it , their friends know it and they hate that they weren’t good enough to snag an alpha for commitment.

Dude, marriage makes people unhappy because people just aren’t meant to be lifelong monogamous. Men are meant to be monogamous (if at all) for very short durations. And women, anywhere from 3-10 years.

The alpha = good beta = bad stuff really misses the mark by quite a lot.

@Rollo thanks for the comment, I was aware of the first study which is very interesting – I think it’s certainly true that in that context and in similar contexts, women perceive women as more vulnerable than men and in need of compassion. However, I think the study has two blind spots: the amount of compassion women show towards men in this context isn’t zero, whatever the average level was just wasn’t affected by administering the synthetic drug. It’s not that women have no compassion at all towards men, it’s that already existing subconscious gender biases about vulnerability are enhanced by the oxytocin. Secondly, oxytocin isn’t just about nurturing vulnerable individuals, although that is an important aspect. Sex is the biggest producer of oxytocin in women, not because we are ‘taking care of’ the man, but because we feel ‘close’ emotionally to the man, in fact it is because we feel vulnerable! If you’ve ever wondered why some women shed a few tears after sex, it’s not unhappiness, it’s an oxytocin overload and an intense feeling of vulnerability and gratitude towards the man (I’ve experienced this myself).

As for the second article, it is intriguing and I’m certainly not surprised by the content. Synthetic oxytocin can have very strange effects in people, not least when it’s used to induce labour in women who are giving birth. You’d think that synthetic oxytocin would enhance mother-child bonding but it actually does the opposite! So, experimenting with fake hormones is always a freaky journey into the unknown!

I’ve come to the conclusion that every woman who participates on the TPP “debate” sub is there to either affirm or justify their love-life decisions or to use it as an online dating profile for the RP guys who post. No debate, just OT rage whenever something challenges that affirmation.

” Do field reports. Repeat. Do field reports. Guys here will give you mad insights.”

In theory, I completely agree. In practice, I don’t yet have the discipline to do this regularly.

It goes beyond getting input from others. You benefit from writing a field report regardless of whether you post it for others to provide input or not.

Writing up a field report forces you to organize the events in your head, and you can often experience new insights from the same approach merely by replaying it in your head so as to commit it to “paper.”

Otherwise, you can walk away with a vague feeling of having “learned something,” but without really bringing it to the surface.

If you don’t have time to write up a full break down, you can always just not down a few notes.

Constrainedlocus is right about the behavior of women-in-groups-of-women. It is an evolved tactic. And thank God (maybe) that Hillary didn’t get elected to try to disguise USA’s in-group malice and out-group altruism (which is an anti-tribal tactic when a alleged tribe gets too big in size.) with her rhetoric.

Here is an ancient manosphere article about the goals of women in groups Oprah style.

A good friend who works in the education industry, long dominated by women, once told me that working with women was like being part of a circle. He said that, “The female ideal is for every woman, young and old, short and tall, fat and thin, beautiful and ugly, smart and dumb, to be able to gather round in a circle, hold hands, be equal, be at peace, and feel the same. It is very important for women, when they meet to discuss something of significance, to feel as though they have reached an emotional consensus. It often seems as though whether the solution is workable or logical is less important than the sense that everyone in the room feels good about it.”

Haven’t got to this thread yet, but I have to say the last thread actually turned out to be quite good near the end there. Maybe Sun Wukong put the fear of God into y’all. Not bad for an atheist.

A lot of our discussions recently are basically revolving around ‘are there novel emergent characteristics that emerge past a certain degree of ‘game’?’

Basically, a lot of the OMG’s and more experienced naturals say there’s crazy things that happen at a certain level, but have difficulty explaining it in a way that makes sense to people who haven’t experienced it. So they’re stuck trying to figure out if there’s a there there or if it’s all just rationalizing life choices and whatnot.

In other news, I’m hitting some crazy new state threshold some days now. Not quite sure what it is, but some days all the girls at work etc. start fighting for my attention, and some of the girls I never got much interest from before are giving me serious fuck-me vibes. Then other days I’m back to ‘able to get positive attention from a girl if I pay attention to her first.’

Like, there’s this girl – a bit older than me but you don’t get much hotter than this at 36 – who started bumping into me and shit in the hallways. I was talking to a group of people with her in it about happiness and community, just psychology shit that interests me. She started giving me shit about some aspect of it, clearly teasing, and I just ran straight with it. “No,” I said earnestly, strong EC. “Don’t you get it? This means that YOU can choose to MAKE this sort of reality for yourself. You’re FREE.” She’s grinning at me, then just busts out giggling – “Forge, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”

Lol wtf, girl logic. Basically this is just a strong IOI, she’s trying to get physical with me. Now I know she probably likes it kinda aggressive lol.

In additional other news, the FWB girl from a few months back is coming around. You may recall she moved waaay away to be with her LDR BF, whom she had broken up with before.

Well, that lasted like two months, lol. I got a ‘Heeey’ txt from her last night. Too busy with work to bring her over but we’ll see if I can swing the weekend. I look forward to making fun of her for hiding the details of her relationship from me so I wouldn’t mock her for it….we got a cool chemistry lol.