Sibling bonding

We had a magic moment with Lou and Moo only last Friday. As Lou isn’t a fan of hugs and people touching her unless it’s on her own terms, I was so happy when both girls wanted to sit on a bench together. I just had to snap the moment. I could see that my youngest, Moo (17 months) wasn’t keen that her sister had put her arm around her to keep her safe on the bench but this was a major step in Lou using her ‘kind hands’ with her sister.

It’s been a while since I submitted a Saturday siblings photo as there’s been so much going on! Things have calmed now as it’s the start of the summer hols and the girls will be spending more time together. I hope to continue to support their sibling bonding. This week they enjoyed the paddling pool with the hot weather we’ve had. Moo found Lou hilarious as she splashed the water about! 🙂

I thought I’d sum up the past month of June by sharing my 5 favourite photos.

A lot of focus for June was Sibling bonding, to continue to build a positive relationship between Lou and Moo.

Here Lou is sharing her sensory seeking experiences with Moo in the sandpit.We explored a park we hadn’t been to before. Lou and Moo explored the tractor together beautifully.Moo explored my parents garden properly for the first time as she is now fully mobile! She enjoyed the little bike that was originally Lou’s.We enjoyed a day out to Worcester Woods. Lou was fantastic at balancing along a tree trunk.I enjoy taking various nature pictures, I captured the Poppies growing in a field in the village where we live.

I look forward to capturing some more lovely moments from July, especially as we move into the summer holidays!

Sibling Rivalry
What is sibling rivalry?
“Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child.”

We didn’t tell Lou she was going to be a big sister until I was noticeably pregnant. At about 6 months pregnant we broke the news and soon noticed a change in her behaviour. Until Moo’s birth in March 2015 Lou was the only grandchild on my side, she was the apple of everyone’s eye and was used to an audience of people with their undivided attention on her.

When Moo was born Lou had little interest in looking at her when we first brought her home. Lou was given ‘Big Sister’ T- shirts and cards to make her special. People would ask her “have you got a baby sister?” “Are you a big sister?” And “what’s your baby sister’s name? Lou would change the subject and talk about something entirely different. Sometimes she would say “baby” but she wouldn’t say her actual name for at least 6 months after her birth. Lou’s behaviour at home was tricky, she would rock the moses basket rigorously and attempt to tip over the bouncer chair that Moo was sitting in. I literally couldn’t take my eyes off them for a second. Lou started to get angry and throw objects so I’d have to shut myself and Moo inside another room behind a stair gate. I would need to watch carefully as Lou would try and grab Moo’s tiny leg if I walked past with her. I tried everything to include her with helping with bathing and getting Moo dressed, fetching nappies etc, and helping to give a bottle, but there was little or no interest. I was told that Lou has started to draw her family, she said “there’s mummy, there’s daddy and that’s Maisie Moo” – finally saying her name, Moo was drawn in black and myself, daddy and Amber were coloured blue. Lou was toilet trained before Moo was born but she did regress once Moo arrived, she wanted to have a nappy on and be “changed like a baby” as she said. We also would get the sitting down in the middle of the path as there was jealousy of Moo being in a pushchair and Lou was a big girl walking. Not even the addition of a buggy board would convince her!

I did wonder if Lou would get better once she realised Moo was here to stay! She would try and sit across people that were holding Moo, even though everyone was careful to ensure that Lou wasn’t left out. She would say “my mummy” if I was giving Moo a cuddle or a bottle and would launch the bottle away across the room. When Moo got to the age where she started crawling I’d have to act as a referee as Lou would try and pull her legs and flip her over. She wouldn’t have a clue that she was hurting her sister, even if Moo cried. Once Moo started walking I’d hope the situation would improve but the rough-housing seems to be more frequent. I will start a game and Lou will just randomly try and pick Moo up and wants to drop her, I’m unsure what her motive with this is as if I try and talk about her feelings on hurting Moo she will change the subject onto something completely different.

It is heart melting to see some great sibling moments and we really praise for times like these, Lou has a kindness towards Moo which I’m trying to build on more each day, she will break a biscuit in half and say “look mummy I shared!” I am also building on a special time of each day where I have quality 1:1 time with Lou, usually during Moo’s nap time, where I have been including activities for Lou’s ‘Sensory Diet’ including a lot of tactile and messy play. I am currently going through having to reassure Moo when Lou approaches her as she is afraid that she’s going to get hurt if she even goes near her as it’s happening so frequently, I don’t want Moo to be afraid of her sibling so I’m working on Lou using ‘kind hands’ all the time. We are still in the early stages of this. It is with great hope that the 2 girls will grow to have a positive sibling relationship we hope they can eventually share a room without Lou constantly waking Moo up! I’ve had people ask me if they think that Lou’s difficulties wouldn’t be so prominent if we’d decided to have Moo later than a 3 year gap, I was quiet taken aback, but I do think the longer Lou would have had with us and the family alone, then the harder she would have found it to accept Moo as a part of the family. I just think she’s a child who finds it difficult to share us.

I found that ‘The Sibling Support Project’ provides support for siblings of children with health, developmental and mental health concerns:

Over the half term break we spent a lovely sunny afternoon at a local park that we’d not visited before. I am working on building a positive relationship between the girls, especially as Moo is now on the move and wants to follow her big sister everywhere!

I’ve noticed through other mummies’ posts recently that they have been posting pictures of siblings via #siblingsproject
This has come at a great time for us as I’m helping to build a positive relationship between Lou and Moo.
They currently have a ‘Love/Hate’ relationship that involves Lou being rough with Moo, then Moo smacking her back in the face as if to non-verbally say: “back off!”
Over May so far I have noticed some really lovely moments and captured these as seen in the above picture:
1. Top left – helping mummy practice for her weekly music session at Lou’s Pre School.
2. Top right – Lou reading to Moo, funny as I’ve been putting Moo into the travel cot whilst I prepare meals and Lou has jumped in anyway! Can’t stop this girl!
3. Bottom left – exploring the new playhouse that Great Granny (GG) got for them, they both enjoyed giving their dolls a tea party!
4. Bottom left – sitting together to open Moo’s Christening gifts.