advanced reading copy of ADOPTING GRACE
58 of 186

I love massages and find them very relaxing. They soothe both my body and anxiety prone mind. But whenever I thought about caring for myself in this way, the anti self-care messages in my head cranked up to high volume. When I did allow myself to actually get on the massage table, I would take pains to hide it from others. In the early days of my self-care conversion, I told one mental health therapist that I had begun to schedule monthly massages. She was privy to the details of our challenging family life and suggested that it might make more sense for me to have weekly massage appointments. That felt much too indulgent. Simmering and sometimes overwhelming guilt arose whenever I participated in something that even resembled caring for myself. A change of heart and mind had now become a necessity. The reality is that anyone involved in caretaking must prioritize care of self if they desire to live as a healthy human being. Each and every parent falls into the definition of caretaker. And during times of intensive and stressful care of others, the need for such cushion and space becomes even more critical. Despite my adept denial ability, I was clearly involved in intense and complex parenting during these days. Yet I still clung to my old “I can handle it all” mindset. The falling apart of my body, emotions, and spirit was a deep and wide invitation to wake up and take steps to prioritize care for myself. I was missing a critical truth of being human. Parker J. Palmer says it like this. “Self-care is never a selfish act-it is ADOPTING GRACE ADVANCED READING COPY 58