How to Dominate Your Partner Through Spanking

Many people have misconceptions about Domination and Submission (D/S). The 50 Shades of Grey craze caused many people, including myself, to only see the superficial side; flogging, tying, spanking. Beneath those actions, D/S is deeply psychological, subtly energetic, and even spiritual.

In normal sexual interactions, two partners take turns “handling” each other. In other words, they alternate fluidly in giving and receiving, controlling and being controlled. This is great and fun, but there is a lot of sensation and intimacy available when those roles are more deeply defined.

In D/S play partners polarize into extremes where one (Dominant) partner completely handles the other (Submissive) partner’s nervous system. The Dom learns to listen to the Sub’s body and mind as if it’s his/her own. The Sub is able to completely let go of control and enter hugely involuntary states. A deep level of mutual trust develops as skillful D/S play requires vulnerability and pure attention on each other.

My girlfriend and I have been studying D/S with our instructor, Om Rupani, and it has increased the sensation in our sex, and deepened our connection (which of course makes the sex even better). Here’s one simple thing you can try with a partner tonight:

Have your Sub lie across your lap in a “spanking position.” Caress your Sub’s bottom and find the fleshiest part. Give a light spank with flush contact. Ask your Sub for feedback on how painful that was on a scale of 1-10.

Keeping spanking and keep asking for feedback. Experiment with different types of spanks: palm, fingers, cupped hands. Try to different levels of intensity. The goal is not to overload your partner with hard stimulation. The goal is to find the type of spank that creates the most pleasurable sensation.

Ask you get verbal feedback from your Sub, also “listen” to the non-verbal feedback your Sub’s body gives you. The key to dominance is feeling what your Sub wants before she has to tell you. The more perfectly you learn to listen to your Sub’s body, the more the Sub’s mind can relax into pleasure.

When you can tune into your partner’s body as if it is your own, your sex and intimacy will reach new depths. And it takes practice.

On August 15th, 2015 in New York City I’m hosting the D/S Play Intensive. My instructor, Om Rupani will teach the psychology behind D/S and how it applies in the bedroom, in relationship, and beyond. The second half of the day is comprised of exercises to have you physically enact all of the principles. Bring your partner and take your sex and intimacy to the next level. Questions? Call/text Ruwan at 347-857-7702