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From a woman's point of view, we don't always want sex the same way all the time. Pay attention to what she is responding to and go from there. Sometimes she may want it a little rough. Other times, she may need for you to be gentle and really make it about her. Regardless, when you are both enjoying sex, you are going to get what you need out of it.

Experiment, try different positions, touch, it's all things women enjoy. You will learn to know when a woman is enjoying it because she will respond to what you are doing. And, don't think that just because she does not respond today to something that she responded to yesterday, something is wrong. Do you want sex the same way every day?

Think about what you enjoy and share that with her by doing what you like to her. Not only will you be sharing with her, she will learn from you what you like and will learn to express to you what she likes. She may not feel confident enough to express that to you verbally or may not know how to tell you what it is she wants. Be adventurous and find what moves her. Be sensitive to her body. It will talk to you whe you push her buttons.

Enjoy yourself and allow her to enjoy herself. And as several others have told you, don't think about it so much. Shut off your mind and let yourself FEEL.

Reminds me of an old beer commercial where a woman and her rather smallish boyfriend were cuddling on the couch while she wore an oversized sweatshirt.

Him: "Where did you get the sweater?"Her: "It belonged to my last boyfriend."Him: "How come you don't wear any of my sweaters?"Her: "I dunno. His are bigger. Bigger is just more comfortable."Him: "He sounds like a really big guy."Her: "He was."

Then it cut out, and cut back to her saying "you have the tiniest little hands!"

I think sometimes people say things to their partners without realizing how it sounds to them, and it can be very hurtful. I mean, I know my girlfriend wants me and only me, but if she were to start talking about how much better in bed her last boyfriend was than me, it would really hurt pretty deeply.

There are better ways to communicate wishes. I wouldn't mind at all, for example, if she were to say "I'd really like it if you did XYZ," but to bring up an old lover and talk about how much better he was than me would be pretty hurtful indeed.

Well again... I don't go by the way of the status quo... ! gees so she says her best sex was with another man and she is still too hurt to talk about it .. well lemme tell yah .. she is not in a relationship with you , she is in a past relationship with someone else so she is emotionally unavailable and she just told you so. We teach people how to treat us ... and we also teach them how and what we enjoy .. this is not an activity where you call a 900 number to connect... you connect by being capable of being engaged in the relationship.

She is not ready for a relationship with you because she is not over the one she is still in... this is not a comparative analysis class .. if she was emotionally capable of communicating her needs to you ..... which is what healthy sexually active couples do then she would be doing it... honestly if you were smart you would pick up your wanker and move along.. tell her that when she gets her head on straight and is ready for a relationship to call you .. otherwise you are wasting your time... as this is going to get worse not better .. she needs therapy to let go of the inevitable ... or leave you as being in a sexual relationship of attachment with yourself is as good as giving yourself a fantasy wank... couple hood sex should be about engaging the love of two .. if it isn't you are still for all intents and purposes .. emotionally and physically single... you might as well put a hole in a brick and play ketchup with it .. cause that is exactly what you are doing to yourself .. end the pain and remove yourself from what isn't present.. your penis is not the cure all for someone invested in the past... so ... so many people on this site .. who are still stuck in another vagina or penis monologue and cannot enjoy NOW!!!!!

and don't listen to the women on here giving you pointers on how to put more stupid in stupid... she is not ready for a connection with you ... because she is still into someone else .. plain and simple.. and you .. if you have any balls will realize you deserve a woman that will desire to be inside of you .. emotionally, physically and spiritually .. like I said .. you can tell her anything anyone says .. from the advice gurus but you waste time where it ain't working... Telling her alot of pretty jibe and then getting dumped on because someone else is already in her is malarky .. you will make a fool and a jack aszz out of yourself .. why bother .. when you can do that with someone that gives a shit!!!

When you meet a mature woman ready to date .. and mate .. I am pretty sure she will be fully capable of expressing to you exactly what turns her on.. if not keep looking as there are plenty of fish in pounder pond!!

For current relationships: In order to nurture them & respect your new partner: talking about ex's should be very limited. Especially at the beginning of a relationship. Talking about past sexual encounters should generally be off limits. The past is the past. Focus on the present: how to currently please your partner, meeting her needs, being adventurous, pleasing, exciting, being yourself, etc.

Imagine all the things you can talk about besides the past: vacations, goals, ambitions, commedy, current events, family, friends, etc. Talking about ex's implies that you have some past regrets, unresolved issues, unfinished business. You need to put that all behind you. Prior sexual encounters (regardless if relationship or not) is unneeded information and it could invoke negative feelings: jealosy, regret, etc. Don't talk about ex's or past sexual encounters and expect that from your partner. Or else, that can be a huge red flag. Why deal with someone who is hung up on ex's?

Op: don't take this post too seriously.. there are many women who can orgasm easily. The thing is, that to many more women, the journey is just as..or even more important than the final destination.

Everyone of us (who have had more than one partner) is always going to have one that we deemed to have been the best.. They're usually "givers" and they usually get just as much pleasure (or more) from giving pleasure to their partner as they do getting it.

What she said doesn't mean that she doesn't love you and it certainly doesn't mean that she isn't enjoying her experiences with you.. so please relax before it screws up your confidence with her.

Experience will hone your skills.. reading about how to make her "journey" a passionate one will educate you as well .. Don't let this one blip F. with your head. And, remember ~ never ask a question that you don't want to know the answer to.

That sparked my interest right away. Our sex life is good, we usually do it twice when we meet up and I always make her cum and she gets very wet. She told me I was great and all that, but then again, every girlfriend does right? I totally wanted to know more about this. So I went:"So the sex was pretty good ?""not just 'pretty' good""Oh, so very good?"She went silent."What did he do?"She hesitated."Come on, you can tell me.""He made me feel so good about my body. He really made me feel beautiful.""That's interesting. Could I ask you how he did it?""It was his confident masculine way of handling things, lots and lots of foreplay.""Was it the way he spoke to you? Or the way he touched you?"At this point she didnt want to talk about it anymore because she said it hurt her too much.

This guy probably gave her the best sex of her life (...) Why is it like this?

Because you dated an ex of mine...

Seriously, a few years and women later, you'll likely be some ex's best lover in her romantic memory. And then you will realize that this and $0.65 buys you a coke. Most humans' memories work in a funny way: They evaluate some memories overly positive by suppressing the bad and glorifying the good. Why else do so many people have fond memories of high school, military or college? Did they forget the homework, the drills and the mid-terms? And did they remember the first romance, the comraderie and the parties instead? I think so.

My advice is to stop worrying about HER and emphasize how YOU feel during sex. You may be surprised - if you make sex better for yourself, she might like it better, too. This "After you" - "No, after you" - "I insist" crap does not happen in my bed...

Yeah if it takes her 5 minutes she is very likely faking and trying to get it over with fast.

Are you sure you aren't hurting her with your rough style?

If some guy was rubbing my bits raw and I was an inexperienced young girl, I would be tempted to fake it to get him off of me. Since I'm an old bag, I have no fear of telling him he is rubbing me like sandpaper lol

Where did you get this idea that all women like it rough?

It's simply not true.

Try candles, a luxurious bath with rose petals and lots of kissing and foreplay. She may be telling you that is what she really likes.

Here's a hint for you youngsters especially the males. Sex isn't supposed to be like masturbation with another person meaning getting off as quick as you can. We can use a BOB for that.

Sex is about the journey, the kisses, the soft touches on the back, tickle with a feather, etc.

Nothing is more irritating than some youngster determined to give me an O but in reality turning me off with his roughness and one track goal.

Big Boy,Your girlfriend is an idiot, She broke the cardinal rule of lovers by telling you the truth about how you stacked up against an ex. There is always going to be a man before you who made love to her better, or kissed her better, or was more romantic, or was better looking, but she is NEVER supposed to tell you that. It does nothing but hurt your feelings and lower your self-esteem. Your partner should never lie to you, but they should never bring you down. Your girlfriend is seriously lacking in couth and manners.How would she feel if you told her your ex gave you much better head, or was much better in bed, or was the freak of all freaks that made you shoot like Peter North with every orgasm, that would tear her up.You don't say things like that to your lover. You learn to love every detail about them, he newness, the love, the caring, and under no circumstances do you hurt or degrade the other person.You need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend about how this has affected you, and then talk about how to better please one another sexually without comparisons to other past lovers.Good LuckBeth

This is NOT about sex- it's about your hurt, and her total lack of tact.From what you say about her, she is still "into" the other guy to some degree, or to some extent, the wrong person to be having a relationship right now, let alone with YOU.As far as sex goes, the best sessions I have ever had were "mind A" mixed with "mind B" to the same perfect extent as "tab C" fitted into "slot D." This has happened to me with more than 1 person.However, The most fantastic love experience I ever had lasted no more than 5 minutes, and involved simultaneous orgasm, purely because 2 people wanted to be together sooo much.

Sounds like your taking this very awkward reality check pretty well. Know for next time there are far better and funnner ways to find out what a woman likes in bed. NEVER EVER ask about x's. Everyone deserves new relationships to be a fresh start, free of negatives or postives of the past.

Don't let this hurt or bother you. Use it! You're young. You're learning. Reaching back into my dusty memory there were some guys I thought were sex gods but they pale in comparison to the sex I've experienced later in life. And I'm not saying it's all cuz they weren't as good as I thought. True, I had little to compare em with but, as I've said of you, we were young, less comfortable with our bodies (and each others), not as knowledgable about our own turn ons and responses and certainly not our partners, less 'skilled,' and maybe even afraid of letting go.One man was my lover off and on for 30 years so we actually watched each other evolve in alotta ways including sexually. I gotta tell ya, as a younger man he wasn't all that hot, but later in life he rocked my world. Often the most recent 'episode' seemed to eclipse the others. And I thought I would never meet another who even came close to him, much less be better... but I was wrong.It's good that you always strive to bring your lady to orgasm but you can strive to FEEL her response and the increasing intensity of her arousal and get better results. Yes, some orgasms are better than others. And don't worry too much about the nay-sayers who seem to think a woman achieving orgasm in 5 minutes is impossible. According to them I apparently faked it last night... again. P.S. Oh! Forget about your 'style.' Be in the moment and do what you feel her body asking for. If you're kinda rough and she isn't giving signals that say "more" then you're not giving her what she needs or wants... but next time she may want you to slap her a**, pull her hair and talk dirty. If we all wanted it the same way every time we could just hit rewind.

Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to and yeah, you love her so much that you are hurt by this? How does this hurt you? Now you aren't worried about making your girl happy, you are worried about one upping the other guy. And please, the people that say this girl was callous, tactless, etc. Reread the original post. She tried to answer the question simply. She tried to avoid he question, OP kept pushing so she was actually honest with him. Yup, that says heartless b!tch to me instead of poor girl backed into a corner by the conversation initiated by the OP.

Thanks. Of course I want to know how to please her better. I use to have ex's tell me exactly how they wanted it and I'd do my best. But she always just says "Whatever you want to do." "the sex is great". I've asked her many times what she'd like for me to do, but she never told me anything in specific. She has a bit of trouble expressing things like this. Which is why this is in a way a good thing because I haven't been doing much foreplay lately and this was a wakeup call.

She sounds like a bit of an innocent who may not know what to tell you. Many women don't really start to understand their own bodies until they are in their 30s. Reread Wishes, it is about the journey for the woman. In order to turn a woman on you actually have to get her brain involved, even if she is wet, doesn't mean she is really into it.

News flash, many women mistake great sex for a fabulous once-in-a-lifetime connection.

You are seriously thinking of stepping up your foreplay? So you don't want to just become a better lover to make her happy, but to be better than the other guy?

Why don't you try focusing on her when you have sex and do some googling and start reading the sex forums. Do you watch movies? Buy some romance novels, do something to figure out that each woman is different, what turns on one isn't going to even register to another. Most people like sex that has different characteristics, even within the same encounter. Wild crazy monkey sex, gentle languid sex. Actually pay attention to her responses and for God's sake, get the other guy out of your head.

I agree with asking ?s you dont wont answers too, I am sure she didnt mean to hurt you but best sex in the long run will not make you happy. Try beeing tender soft and Trust me when she wants rough she will let you know. I find it as you get older and more into the person your with and love you will show them what you want in the giving time. Try candles, nice musci in the room and take your time!! Good luck

It's not in the mechanics. It's in your desire to explore her body, absolutey love doing that and convey that to her by the way you touch her. It's not about the finish. It's about how you get to the finish.