This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.

I had to think for a minute…and remembered this was probably a customer that I delivered to yesterday. I sometimes call the customers to confirm an address or when they don’t answer the door…but this number never answered thus when seeing my phone number on their call list the next day, probably got confused as to who and why I was calling them…

Either his response was a joke, or this guy is truly convinced I’m gay. The first is more likely. I’m okay with whichever. But people never cease to amaze me with their inability to jump to conclusions. Context clues are huge…

After a delivery I arrive back at the restaurant. A girl with a buzz cut is roaming around in the restaurant. It’s Zana! She cut off all her hair…“The Lord told me to…” Her mother is here with her and she’s just as sunny and friendly as her daughter. They’re enthralled with the contrast of the huge dark storm clouds in the distance with the sunshiny skies…they’re taking their Chinese food outside to observe it while they dine…

Me: “She knows everybody.”

Mother: “I mean, she’s so friendly.”

Zana: “Life is far too short not to be.”

Me: “You’re right.”

Zana: “Alright. Goodbye, love.”

She calls everyone and everything, “love”, with that British twang.

Me: “Okay. See you later.”

Zana: “I mean, I don’t believe in goodbyes.”

Me: “I know what you mean.”

…

The mother walks back in to retrieve some forks and spoons.

Her: “This seagull just flew by. It was like this white beautiful speck in the sky…”

Ice Cream Cone, thank you for stimulating my taste buds and being the cherry on top to my successful work shift.

The tips were surprisingly generous tonight and I made way more than I made yesterday. That picture song by Filter is the soundtrack to my victory. In this moment. Everything is in its right place. The music. The attitude. My morale is high. Stoked on life. I feel happy, satisfied with my labor. If only I had someone to have sex with when I got home…I could. But I can’t. I’m not.

Back home. Settling down with a Mission Street Blonde Ale…having an extensive phone conversation with Raven—she’s been playing a unique role in my life and I appreciate the connection and the nurturing…

There are few things I’m dead certain about. And most other things I like to see as a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Ideals. Expectations. What’s the point? Allow movement. Allow unrestriction. Be strong. Be careful. But be free………That is my vision.