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Tomorrow, Alice, Renesme and I are going shopping in Portland. Shopping has grown on me a bit, now that I look good in things. Alice said she wants to look impressive when the Volturi come. Renesme kinda wants to look perfect too. There was good weather today so Edward and I went hunting with our spare time. When we came back to our cottage, we discussed the dilema that was quickly approaching. Not only were the Volturi coming and the tension growing between Renesme and Jacob, but this new dilema, we would have to move soon. Carlisle did not look his claimed age and at this rate, someone was bound to notice. Where would we move? Of course, Renesme would have to be my sister rather than my daughter when we went through high school again, but I was just worried about our next location. We were thinking maybe Astoria, Oregon. Astoria has an average of 240 cloudy days per year. Or maybe even Truk, Hawaii. Nowhere would be as perfect as Forks. Maybe someday we could return, but not for a long time. And when we did move, what about Jake? It would hurt him to ba away from Renesme, and it would hurt her too, being away from her own personal sun. :) Even now, I've never gotten over Edward. He's so beautiful it's almost heartbreaking. He catches my eyes raking him and gives me a puzzled look. I sigh and smile. I've gotten better at pushing my shield away from myself, so I let him pick my brain for a few moments. He smiles my favorite crooked smile and laughs, "Even now, you still can't believe I'm actually here?" I thought, wow. Is it really that obvious from my thoughts that I can't even start to believe where I am and who I'm with? He laughed again and picked me up and swung me over his shoulder. I can't hurt him anymore and my eyes have turned to topaz. All the effects from being newborn were gone. Along with the ability to beat Emmett at arm wrestling. :D Renesme stays at the house sometimes and I was glad she was tonight. Despite Emmett's teasing after he finally beat me, we have scuffed up the cottage a bit.

I got up in the morning and prepared for a day of shopping. I was mainly watching and complimenting but it was always enjoyable with Renesme. She's just a big ball of happy. Just like Jake. They were perfect for each other, I had to admit to myself after I got over my annoyance. They don't know where to go from here, but I had a feeling Renesme was going to ask for some help from Alice and I when we went on our trip today. I dressed in a white silk top with a black pin striped vest and pin striped silk slacks. Alice had taught me well. Edward and the guys were going to work on the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish and Alice's 911 Turbo, so we opted for my Ferrari F430. I still didn't see the need for fancy sports cars, but I did understand the speed. If I actually went the speed limit, it was nearly unbearable. Alice hopped in the front and Renesme called shotgun, so I was stuck in the back, waiting for Renesme to burst. I could feel it in the air, her confusion and hurt. I didn't know it was as bad as it was until she burst out crying when Alice and I were talking about Jacob. "Renesme, sweetie, what is it?" I said while reaching forward to cradle her head in my hands. "Mom, I am so confused about Jacob right now you can't even begin to understand!" I stiffened. "I think I know a little more than you think I do about this mess you're in." Alice piped in, "Nessie, I think she can begin to understand the pain and confusion you're feeling. Trust us." She lifted her delicate head and sniffled, "Mom, how much bad things could have happened to you in your life? You are so perfect, I can't imagine you being put through pain." My mouth dropped in awe. Alice spoke slowly, "Honey, you have no idea how much pain and suffering she's been through. Didn't you ever wonder why she flinches at the sound of the name Volturi? On cue, I flinched when she said their name. "Don't you wonder why the bond between her and your father are stronger than even Carlisle and Esmes's? She'll be able to understand your pain." Nessie stared at me, her deep brown eyes filled with questions. I stuttered, "A-a-alice, I haven't bee-en in that much pain. Renesme, why don't you explain to us all of your emotions you're feeling right now?" slowly, she nodded her head and started compiling a list that included: confusion, love, joy, surprise, fear, blissful, buoyant, sad, and fearful of the attraction she has for Jacob, and even fear of rejection. I said, "Darling, he wouldn't ever reject you. He is with you forever. He's only afraid that you won't like him the same way, and afraid of living without you. Show him how you feel." I was happy at the moment that with her gift she could show him and not have to explain it. By now Alice had reached the parking lot of a huge mall and we all started to climb out of the car. When I was out, I walked over to Nessie and put my arm around her shoulders. "It will all work out in the end sweetie." She turned her face toward me and beamed. "Now," Alice interjected, "Who's ready to go shopping?" We all laughed and ran toward the mall.

Alice found a really cute hot pink dress and Renesme found some faded blue jeans and an adorable emerald green tunic. I found a pair of chucks. We went to the register and paid for our things. Before going anywhere in public, I had been around Charlie for a year. Then, I went to see Angela on her spring break and everything went great! After a few years perfecting my control, I was fine going to even the biggest of crowds. Alice poked and prodded Renesme in the car until she spilled the beans on how much she liked Jacob. she finally answered, while blushing furiously, "I like him a whole lot, okay?" She giggled and my heart swelled at how well everything turned out. As it turns out, when we came home, Edward was composing a new song that was beautiful and had a high energy level to it. I ran inside, hoping to watch him play, but when he saw us walk in, he stopped short and hugged me. "Welcome home ladies." he said while staring at my head in his hands. Renesme and Alice showed off their new clothes while the rest of us watched and applauded. Jacob clapped the hardest when he saw Renesme. I saw the look in his eyes and thought, wow he really loves her a lot. I was letting Edward hear my thoughts and he nodded. My heart swelled and I thought that things were almost perfect, we just had to get them to admit how they fell about each other. I let Renesme's confusion and tears flow through my mind, with a trace of sadness touching her every tear. He looked at me with a frown that said that though it was almost perfect, he didn't want to see his daughter cry. Neither did I. I hugged myself closer to him and he put his head on my hair. I thought of an idea to help Jake and Nessie! blindfold Nessie and tell her to tell 'Alice' how she felt about Jacob with her gift. I'd hate to lie to her, but I'm willing to do almost anything to help her. Edward lifted his head and nodded. I wondered if this was right.