Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

There are really such times that I am tired with my own world. I’m tired with some of the people around me. I’m tired of the demands asked of me. I’m tired of living under a purpose not my own. I’m tired of the mundane routines that cause me to drag my feet to work. I’m tired of waiting for the great destiny set aside for me. But then, I would think again…perhaps, I am just too excited to see the prophecies foretold come into material in the wrong time.

When I was in grade school, I believed I had to achieve everything before I become 30 years old. I should be famous, I should have a book published, and I should be a well-achieved woman by then. Going beyond that age would mean I would have no more chances of becoming well-known at least once in my life – nor my name being etched in history.

But things get different as I aged. And yet, the Lord had shown me in different ways how He wanted me to be in His time. No, it’s not getting famous. Actually, I think these roles are downright unacknowledged in society at all. So, I kept all these things in my prophecy shelf. But because of my personality as a sanguine, I tried to wait though. However, I couldn’t connect the dots on how these things will happen in my lifetime. God had foreseen it and was already there before me. It’s just up to me to continue running and struggling to get there. It’s up to me to push harder the mountains that try to hinder me from getting there.

And yes, these mountains brought along little bugs that tell me to give up. Give up where I am now and take a dangerous short-cut to my destiny. But, oh Lord, do not let me listen to them. I must admit, I’m ready with my resignation letter. I’m in this road called lost. But, I’m also seeking the Lord. I really want to know His heart and where He wants me to be at this point of time. Should I jump the cliff or stay on the edge for the moment? I have to know…

I will never forget how the Lord spoke through a friend last time that I am shaken first to be a voice to the shaken. All these shakings made me hurt and offended. Oh, man, if I can just be emotionless just like Little Wonder or be your everyday hero just like Wonderwoman. But God is not looking for heroes or robots. He’s looking for real-life flesh and blood who will be filled by His Spirit during those upcoming great and terrible times. Can I fast forward my tape to that point in eternity? Nope. I have to go through the normal playing mode and see how His story in me will go.

The question is not: to go or not to go? But it should be to hear or not to hear. I’m ready to burst, really. But I’m also ready to listen. Which way should I go? I’m ready to take that step…to that path that I should take towards that destiny He has set for me.