Do we really need happiness? What is happiness? What is the definition of happiness and why so many people are looking for it? Some even ready to sacrifice anything in a way to reach it. Dictionary defined happiness as a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Contentment. Intense joy. What makes them so precious? Questions about happiness filled my mind as I drowned my soul deep in a clear lake. I saw people outside the lake, walking barefoot on the grass, smelling the flowers, and resting under the trees. Some idiots were walking with their shoes on, but I refused to make them one of my sources in finding the meaning of happiness. No. Hey, people without shoes, hats, or clothes, would you please tell me how does it feel when the drops of rain touch your skin? How does it feel when the sunlight falls down on your face? What colour are the flowers and the shrubs and the rocks that you see with those beautiful eyes? What kind of music does the ocean play? How does the taste of honey that those bees feed you? How does it feel when you smell the scent of a lover?

My curiosity helped me to stay logic and sane but at the same time it brought up these uncontrollable feelings inside my body. Obsession. Fear. Despair. Only God knows when I would become one of those people outside the lake, if I ever got out of here that is. The dark, slimy, and disgusting algaes were holding my soul and body tightly. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t rest. Out of desperation, I let out some bubbles from my mouth. They were small and only one survived and reached the water’s surface. I kept doing it repeatedly, not because of trying to find a help, but simply because I had to let go the frustration inside of me. Not many of them realized my signal. Some of them who did couldn’t understand it and they chosed to walk away. No one could decode my code. So how am I going to find my happiness? Is there really no happiness here underwater where I’m drowning? Is there really no happiness during the darkest times?

Time. Ah. One of those imaginary concepts that human loves to make. The truth is time is counted only from how many air we breathe in and out. Weren’t our soul had wandered for billions of years before we were born and maybe more after we died? However, even though I am living underwater I am merely a human. I feel my time has come to an end. Not many bubbles I can let go now. Not much curiosity I have within my mind. Not much energy left inside my body. Not many desires left within my soul. I am just a puppet, dancing meaninglessly with strings controlled by the dark master. I am not his favourite so he wouldn’t let me wander in the outside world to hunt down the innocents. Yet I am not good enough for God to make him want to save me. Floating in between. Like those meaningless dust in the galaxy. A remain. A broken piece. Useless. Worthless.

So how do I find my happiness? Should I try to freeze my will, my dream, and my desire so I could enjoy this torture? Not like I’ve never tried that, but it is whether stupidity or bravery, no matter how many times I failed, hurt and lost, there is this stubborn fire inside my soul that keeps burning bright, sending another kind of signal to the universe, hoping to be found.

Last edited by 12AM on Fri May 05, 2017 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.