How to have a good divorce

Is there such a thing as a good divorce? I mean, by its nature, divorce is a miserable thing. That being said, I believe that in this day and age, the third generation, if you will, of divorce, not our parents' divorce, not our grandparents' divorce, which was completely taboo. Our parents's divorce which was the Kramer vs. Kramer days where there was ugliness where people wouldn't go to people's birthday parties and not going to step. We can do this better. We've seen it before. We lived it before. We have help from outside sources, not only mental healthcare professionals but collaborative lawyers, mediators, settlement judges. If you have the level of respect for your partner, which you must have had at some point to get into the relationship and if you care about your children and changing the way that your family unit works but wanted to work going forward then I think there is such a thing as a good divorce. You sit down. You discuss what your goals are. You get someone to help. You don't necessarily lawyer up right away. You maybe find one person, a mediator who can explain the laws to you then you can fit your circumstances into those laws. If you can be considerate and compassionate, know that the other person is as scared as you are about whatever their big ticket items are, whether it's finances or your children or the future or whatever it is, the house. Think about those things. Use them as your strengths rather than as your strategies then you could have a good divorce. You will save money. You will save hurt feelings and you can hopefully move on to the next step in this relationship with this person who again, if you have children, is always going to be very important to you.

Laura Wasser

Family Law Attorney

Laura has been a family law practitioner for nearly 20 years. Her practice focuses on the separation and reconfiguration of families. Being a child of divorce, and having personal and professional experience in this field, she believes that she can do better for the children of today and help with an oxymoron: a “good divorce”. Laura is the author of It Doesn't Have to be That Way: How to Divorce Without Destroying Your Family or Bankrupting Yourself.

Is there such a thing as a good divorce? I mean, by its nature, divorce is a miserable thing. That being said, I believe that in this day and age, the third generation, if you will, of divorce, not our parents' divorce, not our grandparents' divorce, which was completely taboo. Our parents's divorce which was the Kramer vs. Kramer days where there was ugliness where people wouldn't go to people's birthday parties and not going to step. We can do this better. We've seen it before. We lived it before. We have help from outside sources, not only mental healthcare professionals but collaborative lawyers, mediators, settlement judges. If you have the level of respect for your partner, which you must have had at some point to get into the relationship and if you care about your children and changing the way that your family unit works but wanted to work going forward then I think there is such a thing as a good divorce. You sit down. You discuss what your goals are. You get someone to help. You don't necessarily lawyer up right away. You maybe find one person, a mediator who can explain the laws to you then you can fit your circumstances into those laws. If you can be considerate and compassionate, know that the other person is as scared as you are about whatever their big ticket items are, whether it's finances or your children or the future or whatever it is, the house. Think about those things. Use them as your strengths rather than as your strategies then you could have a good divorce. You will save money. You will save hurt feelings and you can hopefully move on to the next step in this relationship with this person who again, if you have children, is always going to be very important to you.