TRASHY GOSSIP

movie STAR vs STAR magazine

(click to enlarge)
The public feud between Reese Witherspoon and Star is exemplary in exposing the fragile dynamic of tabloid/celebrity interdependence. They rely on each other for publicity and profit, but sometimes the game turns nasty. About a month ago, Star ran photos of Reese while pointing out her slightly protruding belly. If you're a woman living in Hollywood and your abs show the slightest bit of "pouch", then speculative fervor ignites over your pregnancy status. The feud started when Reese layed eyes upon herself on the cover of Star with the blaring headline BABY #3! She immediately went livid and because she claims she's not pregnant, informed the magazine of her planned lawsuit against them. Now here's where it gets interesting. Star responds to the lawsuit by running a very unflattering photo of a bikini-wearing Reese on the beach, along with the headline, "SHE'S NOT PREGNANT, IT'S BLOAT!!" If that wasn't enough humilation for her, they also included an inset photo of Reese's face, and she looks like some sort of melting swamp creature. I haven't read anything about the lawsuit since Star ran the "retraction", but I hope there's a scathing update in a future issue. Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

UPDATE: Another movie star vs Star magazine fiasco! This time the victim is Shannen Doherty.

The hell with all of the cumbersome sociological analysis. You made Reese Witherspoon look like a hopping vampire from a Hong Kong horror movie. Reason number 2,284 (I've been counting, y'know) for you to be dubbed a genius.

Okay 14, I'm a little surprised that you made fun of Reese, I really admire her. But I have to admit the cartoons are soooo funny. Great job capturing Reese's and Julia's features and facial expressions. I got a really good belly laugh.

Also, if you compare Star's cruel "it's just bloat" picture to other mag's (US Weekly) pictures from the same exact day and place, it is clear that Star has taken some photoshop liberties with the alleged "pouch".

Oh yes, it was mean spirited on the part of Star magazine and why? Because the editor of Star, Bonnie Fuller, aka "An Anna Wintour Wannabe" is one of the biggest C_NTS on the planet. She is famous for abusing her employees to the point that they put snot in her dessert and wiped their crotches with her bread sticks. I don't blame them. If your boss is a PRICK from hell then by all means, urinate in their coffee - jack off in their salad dressing. Where was I? Ah yes - I love the pink 14! I love the way you gave Julia Roberts the mouth she deserves! I wonder if she has tea bagged all of her men with a mouth like that? Maybe that is how she got where she is today .. Too bad Julia isn't the one who is pissed off. She is such a bitch. When moving into her New Yawk apartment she had her lawyer/ass sucker write a memo to all the residents telling them not to look at her or speak to her. Who the fuck would? She can't act her way out of my asshole. I love Reese Witherspoon and I hope she wins the lawsuit. I hope it destroys Bonnie Fuller and her subordinates continue to use their mucus and crotches to vindicate themselves.

I can't believe you would make fun of Princess Reese! After all, she's the blonde 50's wife, the perfect Junior League Lady, a modern Donna Reed. Her smug Republican mug and nasty clenched-tooth lockjaw grin have ruined many a magazine cover.

I would rather tune in to 14 for a talented and hilarious rendition of the latest, then over to Trent to laugh my butt off at what he has to say. Just for shits and giggles.

I do love your rendition of both of their gaping maws. Reese's baby teeth and Julia's Mr. Ed's. And the douche bag from The Star looking all smug with his stupid hair and horned rims from the bi-focals display at the local Ralphs.

Well, not that I am in DEFENSE of the celebs or anything... but if you're getting hired based on your ability to be available, not pregnant for nine months to a year, you'd probably sue, too. Really think about it: Reese stands to make $20 million a picture. A gossip rag reports that you are preggers and Mr. Bigwig Studio Man reads it and says, 'oh, let's hire flat stomach Kate Hudson who won't be throwing up on the set, going to the doctor, weeping, etc.' For the loss of $20 million, I bet you'd fork over $50,000 to hire Mr. Fat Cat attorney.

Don't get me started on the insurance they have to pay for an expectant mother. And, hey, I am a tabloid journalist. I'd never claim that someone was knocked up based on some gas or bloat. It was irresponsible of Star.

That said, I LOVE your post 14. The gash of a mouth on Ms. Roberts is priceless.

Apparently she claimed that the studio thought she was deceiving them or something by hiding her pregnancy.

I saw that very issue, and I found it incredibly mean-spirited. The sadder thing is that I believe that was one issue --of many-- devoted to just HOW skinny Kate Bosworth and the Lollipop posse are looking these days.

Excellent as usual, 14. You're awesome (and I love Reese's claws while screeching into the phone).

The fun part is that the 'retraction' never erases or undoes the original statements or photos. That's one trick our society has done a good job of cultivating: say and do whatever you want now as long as you say you're sorry later and make puppy dog eyes for the camera.

It's like high school gossip all over again, except on a global, billion dollar scale. However, the maturity level is pretty much the same: who likes who? who's pregnant by who? who totally got wasted and ran into a corn field when the cops showed up? Exciting and important stuff like that. STAR Magazine, The Inquirer, and the others are simply departments of a fragmented and feverishly prolific yearbook class. And no one ever graduates from Hollywood High.

And then people like you, 14, like totally mock and make fun of these poor (in spirit only, of course) down-to-earth normal common ordinary yet super-famous and axis-balancing celebrities who like just want to have a regular life like all the nobodies out there slavering over the latest issue of STAR Magazine who are hoping to absorb some of the holy magic of Hollywood through osmosis. Which is to say, great work again, 14.

this is sad because she is one of the few respectable women in hollywood and she normally does a good job keeping out of the public eye. people like britney and her trailer trash hubby deserve bad press, not reese.