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Friday, 28 October 2011

What a week...moments of greatness and moments of mundane all rolled into one. My youngest has been ill so we have spent a fair few days holed up at home, passing the time with DVDs and baking. Tough for my eldest who has had to sit it out with him some of the time, but entertained herself with puppy obstacle courses; that puppy can really learn! So cute to see them out in the garden together - she and the dog. I get these moments when, despite the additional work of having a puppy and the walks that are required each day, I see her and remember this is why we did it. He has rocked her world.

Can I just say...the dress...was after all not fate! There was one left and it was damaged so I received a very apologetic email (even more apologetic when I directed the lovely people at Purple Haze Couture to my blog post!). They are trying to source another but so far, no news. Ah well, maybe it wasn't meant to be!

I have thought about your comments on natural beauty and taken stock; we have to make role models if they don't readily present themselves. I think this is just the adjustment for me from raising a young girl to raising a young woman; it's a shift of thinking but I love that there are a host of friends out there who have advice for me. Thank you.

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Wednesday, 26 October 2011

I spent three hours in the hairdressers on Saturday (covering grey; ugh) and killed some of that time reading magazines like 'OK and 'Hello'. This used to be a guilty pleasure where I'd catch up on my celebrity gossip. This time, despite reading four or five back-copies, I could hardly say my awareness of celebrity gossip has increased.

The pages were full of people I had simply never heard of! It's not that I have dropped off the face of the planet; it's because I don't watch the reality TV shows like 'The Only Way is Essex'. I sunk deeper and deeper into my chair whilst looking at the pictures of these girls. Inflated, exaggerated versions of young teens and women; dressed in platform heels with teased hair and too much make-up. Every other page they were there: pouting.

I know we blame the media for making women feel bad about themselves and, as I have a daughter and two nieces, this is something I am acutely conscious of. But for me these girls represent something different. This is not enticing girls to be slim; this is enticing girls to look like, well you work it out. I found it disturbing. The whole look is not about beauty or individuality or anything that tangible, it's about being a carbon-copy pneumatic big hair/small dress girl.

iconic image from Vogue

When I was growing up my media role models were supermodels like Cindy Crawford and Linda Evangelista. So beautiful they made my heart ache but at least versions of themselves that were not surgery-enhanced (not then anyway, and I believe not even now). At least they looked natural; albeit a form of natural beauty that very few women are blessed with.

Linda Evangelista

I am left with a feeling of disquiet about these new role models. They are not women; they look like exaggerated dolls (and not in a good way). Then I wonder...am I just subject to nostalgia about my youth and my role models? Never ever did I see Molly Ringwald in sky-high platform stilettos and too much make up...what place does natural beauty have now?

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Friday, 21 October 2011

I write a lot about my children and my life and my home but rarely about my husband. Odd, as he is of course such a big factor in my life. At the moment he is working very hard and Monday to Friday has become a time when we pass each other in the hallway and I think...how long ago it seems that we were away together on holiday. I miss him. It's a double edge; half of me wants to support him utterly and be the dutiful corporate wife. The other half of me wants to say - was this the deal? Did we choose this? We hardly never see each other!

I loved the comments I got this week, especially those recommending new blogs to read. It was wonderful to cast that net and get such a response. Almost without fail I loved them all - so I guess that shows we all like the same thing. One though was particularly notable as the writing is just...heart-achingly good. It's this blog and as the writer Meg says, she likes to pen notes to the man she will marry. Don't think she's met him yet - but it got me thinking, if I was writing to my husband many years ago what would I ask for?! Certainly one proviso would be time together on a fairly regular basis! Isn't it ironic that we marry for love and then work hard for the future and in the process spend less and less time together?

Atleast it's the weekend and that means family time and chilling out and togetherness...

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Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Never before have the details in life seemed so noticeable to me. In almost every aspect of my little life, these details appear; that bit extra that makes something special. I have a friend who always says 'it's the detail!' when we shop for clothes. I am always the one looking for the best leather, the quirky detail, the right buttons.

In motherhood, I see it's those little details that can make the day go more smoothly. Where I have have their favourite cakes as an after-school snack. At home, the meal that happens effortlessly but is made with the best ingredients and goes all to plan. The patience and coaching as I sit with them to do homework. I am noticing that given the time and pure dedication, it is possible for me to provide all of those little details.

Historically, I have always had a quiet awe for women who manage this. They are a certain type who are able to constantly stay one step ahead. When the children were smaller, these mothers were the ones who would (with a swish of a perfect ponytail) serenely draw out a nutritious snack and drink, where I would have forgotten mine and my toddler would have to chew on their own hands!

But...and I wouldn't be me if there wasn't a but...what is it all about?! Never before have I had the time or the inclination to be so bothered with these little details. Instead a perpetual inner dialogue in my head raged; always justifying why I couldn't make the perfect meal/be the best mother I could be/have lipstick and pretty dress on as my husband returned at the end of a busy work day. I railed against being too organised. But now I begrudgingly admit I judged those women whose day consisted of little else but managing these details. And look at me now; pot calling the kettle black.

There is a hint of Stepford wife-dom in my life at the moment, as I sense that I am subconsciously trying to make up for all my past wrongs. But the point is: they weren't wrongs exactly, they were just less-thans. I did less than I could have done, as I put priority into other areas; like time for myself or for my job.

I do enjoy the little details and it's a quiet thrill now to be able to provide them for my family...but I do wonder if it's unsustainable. All of this 'thinking' time is about me trying to establish how to live a life that does not burn the candle at both ends until everything is, frankly, well, extinguished. I read a book that is shiveringly accurate in its depiction of 'perfect' motherhood and its darker side. It's called 'This Perfect World'...and I have to say it was disturbing reading; for the degree to which I identified with these über mothers.

I know to some readers this will seem like an unimaginable depth of navel-gazing. But I find myself really questioning these elements of life at this time. We only get one chance at this; what is the best way to choose to live your life? Constantly striving for perfection or content with what you have?

I am thinking the best place to start this fundamental life pondering is with a cuppa tea and a good book; I'll let you know if I find the answer but until then...

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Monday, 17 October 2011

I started reading blogs first...then I found myself wanting to leave a comment so I set up a blogger profile. Then I wanted to write, so I set up a blog. Then I made some blog friends so then I started to follow them. Then I started to follow others and others followed me. I spent a fair amount of time scanning around for new and exciting blogs and got to the point where I almost stopped reading the written word anywhere else. Magazines and newspapers became defunct; I got more immediate and wide-ranging enjoyment from blogs. Blogs were, and still are, the finger on the pulse. Most often I start sentences by saying 'I read somewhere...' and I realised I had read it on a blog.

And so now I am an old hand. I have my favourite bloggers and I religiously follow them and love when the hit the 'post' button. I miss them when they go on holidays or take a break. I find myself wondering how they are, if something has happened that they have shared detail on. Similarly people leave me comments expressing the same sentiment about what they read on my blog; for example one friend saw Olivia P on TV and it made her think of me! (Love that) How funny and charming. It seems that there are things that are 'so Lou' that people associate with me.

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Friday, 14 October 2011

Friday comes...a much-needed end of the week. My children have now broken up from school (again) and we have two week's of half term. As ever, the reprieve from the school run routine is greatly appreciated, but also there is that mild panic at the prospect of entertaining them. Must children be entertained constantly? I'm sure when I was a child we entertained ourselves more!

I read back on my blog this time last year and recognise a different me. What a difference a year makes; I was Lou but not the Lou I am now. It's subtle, but to me, very clear. Life is a journey and this particular phase is one of self-awareness. I've been too busy to notice very much of anything for years and now; well now I notice everything. I am acutely conscious in a new way. It's really good, enjoyable, informative.

So, the lovely Simone came to tea. And lunch. And we had cupcakes (well, why not?). There was a-l-h-o-t of talk, we covered many topics, time flew by and then away she went back to the big city! What a miracle the Internet is to bring friends to our doorstep. I never ever would have even met Simone unless I had done so through blogging. Who would have thought? A kindred spirit found out there in the wilderness of the web.

Longing for some quieter time this weekend. There is this danger of over-egging the weekend activities, leaving us drained by the time Monday rolls around. I'm still learning to find that balance; to live life at weekends but also to allow us to recoup as a family.