Cinderella and the Mossad

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This time they have gone too far. And it’s just not funny anymore. Maybe, it never even was (funny). And whereas the Mossad is no stranger to accusations and conspiracy theory, the latest revelation, if proven, would shock and unnerve even the most battle hardened.

If the allegations by the founder of The Muslim Public Affairs Committee in the United Kingdom, Asghar Bukhari are to be believed, the Mossad have embarked on their stealthiest operation yet. His claim is that they (the Mossad) sneakily snuck into his room and have stolen one of his shoes. Not two, but one. He knows he left it there, he is absolutely certain of that, but now it is gone. They are playing with his mind, and that’s not okay. In fact, it is really not. Because clearly there is not much room to mess about.

Well, he was having none of this, so he took to Facebook to announce his trauma (as one does) and now it’s all over the UK press. The Independent has the scoop and its clear that through impeccable journalism they are about to flush out what has apparently been an ongoing operation for some time. Bukhari even has had phone calls from other losers (of shoes) to prove it. You can’t make this stuff up.

Truth be told, given the rate that single-socks disappear in my house I am wondering if Mossad hasn’t established headquarters in my basement. It would definitely explain the many mysteries that shroud washing day. Could it be that they also are ironing the collars of my shirts poorly, just to unhinge me? Or replacing buttons with not perfectly matching ones (I know my shades of white). Or perhaps they are responsible for weakening one of my laces so that just as I hastily fasten my shoe (when late for a meeting) it snaps in my hand. It sounds just like something that they would do. We ought to take Bukhari seriously because I think that he is onto something. Either that or is on something, which sounds more the case.

Jews and Zionists are no strangers to finger pointing. We are kind of used to it. We have been accused of just about anything at any given time including the plotting of the Twin Towers terrorist attacks, liquidizing Christian Children for Pessach, treason, capitalism and communism. We are the liberals and the racist and everything in between. We own the banks and we control the press. We infiltrate and we take over, we oppress and we occupy. But never in our history have we been accused of tip toeing into people houses to steal an (ugly) shoe just for the sake of it and because we can.

So I thought it must be a metaphor for something. Maybe Bukhari is smarter than we think (as unlikely as that is). Maybe the shoe symbolizes the independence of the Palestinians who are unable to walk without both “Shoes”? Maybe by stealing just one, there is an appearance of independence but when one tries to stand and it is uncomfortable and unpleasant so in fact there is none. But I doubt it.

Shoes are important. There are those who wear them because they have to. And there are those who wear them because they define who they are. Cinderella found love through the perfect pair and many a president has had one thrown at them. They keep us warm and they protect us from the elements. And there is no doubting that stealing half a pair is just rude. But not nearly as rude and as stupid and as bigoted as accusing a global body and all Zionists for every irritation in the world.

About the Author

Howard Feldman is a lawyer, a physical commodity trader by industry and a writer by obsession. He is very active in the Jewish community and passionate about our world.