Exactly a year ago, Demi Moore was getting ready to celebrate her sixth wedding anniversary with Ashton Kutcher. Then he went to San Diego, got into a hot tub with a few young girls, who sold their stories to the tabloids, and, well, she stopped eating. It’s over now and while Demi is still trying to find her way, Ashton made a quick and complete recovery. He re-signed a mega-deal with Two And A Half Men. He played Steve Jobs in an indie movie. And somehow he convinced Mila Kunis to go out with him.

They’re totally together now. She’s shooting a movie in New York, he’s come to visit, they were all over each other all over the city the other day (while he was checking his iPhone), and, according to US Weekly, he said “I love you”.

How did a Shame F-ck become I Love You?

I guess it was never a Shame F-ck. I guess I just really, really wanted it to be. Because I’m so into her, Mila Kunis. And Ashton Kutcher is a dick and a fraud. And he’s illiterate. And the other day someone emailed to yell at me about calling him all these things because, I dunno, maybe it wasn’t his fault that he stepped out on his marriage or something and what else has Ashton ever done to warrant the hate which...

Worries me, that the basic building blocks of gossip, entry level gossip, aren’t being communicated properly. If there were an equivalent of a periodic table of elements for Celebrity Studies, “Ashton Kutcher is a douchebag” would occupy a permanent space, you know? Along with Tom Cruise is crazy, Lindsay Lohan is worthless, and John Travolta, gay.