May 19, 2014

How to Stop a Bully at School

Bullies have always been around, but in this present age it has escalated. Tween expert Nancy Rue penned So Not Okay with an intentional focus on bullying from the bystander's perspective. My children (ages 2, 5, and 7) are not yet old enough to read this book that focuses on sixth grade problems, but it will remain on my bookshelf as a parental tool. The end of this post includes some practical (and seemingly effective) tips to stop a bully.

So Not Okay shares a bullying story that many relate to. Sixth grader Tori and her best friends, Ophelia and Winnie know to stay out of Kylie's way. Kylie proves popularity equals power at their middle school as she and her "pack" do as they wish throughout the school.
Tori, Ophelia, and Winnie remain invisible...until one day Kylie takes notice of Tori's eyebrows. Torture continues until a new student named Ginger catches Kylie's attention. Kylie and her pack torment Ginger. Tori tries to befriend Ginger and finds herself in the line of fire.

An adult understands and helps Tori and her friends make a difference for Ginger and their whole school. They declare a war on bullying instead of the bully.

Quite honestly, I was surprised at how naturally the story flowed while giving specific help to a bully victim and bystanders. This may be middle grade fiction, but I stayed up way past my bedtime reading it!

This is the first of three books in this middle grade fiction series. The other two will tell the story from the perspective of the bully and the victim. My only complaint is the boys in the book seemed to be clueless about their bullying at school.

How to Stop a Bully (Ideas gleaned from So Not Okay.)

For everyone:

Be a defender, not a bystander.

Be an ally, not a witness.

For the victim:

Don't show the bully any emotion.

Do for the bully what you want them to do for you.

Report to an adult anything you can't handle.

Stay safe in a group.

Continue on to your goal, even when the path is blocked.

I definitely recommend So Not Okayto children, parents, and teachers who have an interest in stopping bullies. In my opinion, this book is especially relevant for girls and the emotional bullying they endure. (It is published by a Christian publisher, but the faith content is light. Most anyone could benefit from it.)

Now that my oldest is entering middle school and in activities where this may be more of an issue, I am starting to think about it more. It has always been on my radar, but for some reason I think it really escalates in about 5th/6th grades. Thank you for sharing these tips, and I will be checking out this book as well! :)

These are good tips to be more effective. You're right bullying has always been around but it has escalated over the years. My niece is going to be in 6th grade. I 'm worried about how she'll be able to deal with bullies. Hopefully she doesn't have to but I will definitely keep these in mind.

This is a great post! I find it disturbing at the amount of bullying that is happening, even in my small little town. I have nephews that are on the receiving end of it, and I just feel so helpless. My little Grasshopper is *tiny* for his age, so I have to pray that he won't be bullied or if he does, he will know how to handle it.

Both my girls (now adult in their forties) were bullied at their respective schools. One managed by being strong and ignoring, with help of friends, the bullies. The other one, who outwardly was the stronger looking of the pair, had to be taken out and home-schooled (the best thing we ever did, incidentally). I, too, thirty years earlier was bullied at my boarding school - I chose to withdraw and become as self-reliant as possible (gaining the reputation of being a teacher's pet!). Bullying is a menace, but even worse now that the internet is involved. because seeming one can never know where it comes from next.

I was a bullied kid during middle school (overweight and hand-me-downs). It was not a fun time. I work so hard to drill it into my kid's head that even the littlest thing can hurt someone's feelings and that they are never to stand by when someone else is being bullied. Thank you for the review!