Dr. Warren FarrellFather & Child Reunion

Father & Child Reunion

"Dr. Warren
Farrell is the greatest expert
on the importance of fathers. His DVD, The Best Interests of the Child, is incredible. Just
incredible. It is chock full of insights and information. It is
priceless."

When you order this “Evidence
Kit,” you’ll have everything you need to help the court
understand exactly why the best parent is both parents. The Evidence Kit
includes:

One copy of Dr. Warren
Farrell’s Father and Child Reunion,
a lucidly-written book with hundreds of footnotes and research
references. It is the largest meta-analysis in book form of what is best
either for children of divorce, or children raised in non-intact
families. For years we had theories. Now that we have answers there’s no
reason for your child’s life to be damaged by ignorance. (See below for
more details.)

Three DVD sets (6 DVDs total) called “The Best Interests
of the Child” in which Dr. Farrell is cross-examined about virtually every
question that might arise in court questioning whether both parents should be
equally involved--even, for example, if the parents are in high conflict, or one
wishes to move away for a new job, spouse, etc. The “Kit” contains three
copies because you usually need 3 copies to submit as evidence (one for you;
the other parent’s attorney, and the court).

Dr. Farrell strongly recommends that when you give this
to your attorney, to watch it with her or him. (Note that many courts will
not accept this as evidence except in conjunction with an expert witness.)

3.

One Audio CD Set version of “The Best Interests of the
Child” (easier for listening on a car trip).

4.

Case law governing parental rights with over 250 case
citations in a flash drive drive labeled “Evidence Kit” to use in your case
and include in your court submissions.

5.

Recent research showing the custody arrangement that is
superior for children, and how to make your parenting plan consistent with
this research. This is also included in a flash drive labeled “Evidence Kit”

If you desire updates by email, provide your email address.

Dear
Parent,

Most judges and helping professionals know children of divorce do better when
raised by both parents. However, when a mom feels “it would be best for my
children to live with me,” and the judge witnesses parents in conflict, or the
mom cites fear of the husband, or a “need” to move away, or a need for
stability, even professionals assume she knows best. In the process, they may
miss cues that reveal her territoriality (such as saying “my children”) and hints
of her underlying resistance to genuine shared parenting.

Why is some moms’ resistance to
genuine shared parenting so easily missed? Because our understanding of a
dad’s contribution runs so shallow. Even the dad doesn’t understand what the
research shows about exactly how children benefit from his involvement. And
moms can’t hear what dads don’t say.

My decade of research, which
generated the book Father and
Child Reunion, changes that. It creates such depth of understanding about
the value of dad-as-equal that it shocks even dads. For example, did you know
that children raised primarily by dads do better than children raised
primarily by moms? Neither does your attorney. Nor your judge.

More important, Father and Child Reunion and the Evidence Kit will help you
understand why dads are
so crucial. For example, the more exposure to dad, the more empathetic your children are likely to
be. Do you know why? Or why a dad’s equal involvement is likely to reduce
your child’s propensity for ADHD, drugs, delinquency, depression, disobedience,
temper tantrums, nightmares, divorce, low self-esteem, teenage pregnancy,
self-centeredness, poor social development, and underachievement in every
academic area? (And that’s just for starters!).

Because it is hard to imagine how an
attorney might translate a book into questions for an expert witness in
court, I created the CD and DVD “The Best Interests of the Child.” This
allows the attorney to understand what questions to ask and the answers I
give that most inspire the judge to question the assumption that “mom knows
best.”

The evidence kit will cost you $129,
less than a half hour of my time. I may—or may not—be available
as an expert witness (click here). But if there’s even a small
chance you and the mom (or dad) can resolve your parenting issues by
communication rather than litigation, you’ll give your children the gift of
knowing how to amicably resolve differences. And you’ll model for your
children how, if they cannot save their future marriage they can nevertheless
save their children. In brief, I’d much prefer to be used to facilitate your
communication (click here).

Click Here to Purchase Father and Child Reunion (now available as an eBook!)by Warren Farrell, Ph.D.When I do expert witness work in child custody cases, I often confront three biases against shared parenting from judges that I was also surprised to see proven invalid when I did the research for Father and Child Reunion.The first bias is the Stability Bias; the second is the Mother Bias; and the third is the Conflict Bias (the bias that "If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-joint-custody-will-not-work"). All of these biases apply to post-divorce parenting.The Stability Bias.Judges understandably reason that amid the instability of divorce, children are best stabilized by staying in the home they are accustomed to with the parent who has been the primary parent. I call this "geographical stability". The research shows that geographical stability does not create psychological stability. For children of divorce, geographical stability is "one parent stability"; this article explains why "one parent stability" is psychologically destabilizing. For example...Studies show that after divorce the children who do best psychologically have about an equal amount of exposure to both mom and dad--especially if both parents live near each other, and there is no bad-mouthing. The psychological stability of two-parents equally involved leads to the children also doing better academically and socially, and being healthier physically.Why does two parent stability trump geographical stability? No one can be 100% sure, but a blend of research and observation offer clues. Three quick assertions in quasi-headline form...First, the job of a child growing up is to discover who it is. Who is it? It is half mom and half dad. It is not the better parent. It is both parents. Warts and all. So we are not talking here about fathers' rights, mothers' rights or even the child's right to both parents. We are talking about a new paradigm: the child's right to both halves of itself.Second, children with minimal exposure to one parent seem to feel abandoned, often psychologically rudderless.Third, dads and moms, like Republicans and Democrats, provide checks and balances. Moms tend to overstress protection; dads may overstress risk-taking. There has to be a balance of power for the child to absorb a balance of both parents' values. One parent dominating tends to leave the child with a stereotyped and biased perspective of the values of the minority parent, and ultimately a lack of appreciation for that part of itself.The Mother Bias. Most judges do believe children do best with both parents, but if they must live with one, mom is given the edge. In fact, the new research I report in Father and Child Reunion very clearly shows that children brought up by dad are more likely to do better psychologically, physically, academically and socially than those brought up by mom.I will explain in the teleseminar not only some of the twenty-five measures that create this counterintuitive conclusion, but also what dads do unconsciously that so often works to the benefit of the child. At the same time, I will also explain why it would be erroneous to conclude that men make better dads than women do moms (e.g., dads usually have more income).The "If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-joint-custody-will-not-work" Bias. Conflict-- especially bad-mouthing-- hurts all parenting arrangements. The more the conflict, though, the more important it is for the child to see both parents about equally, because conflict leaves the child vulnerable to feeling that the parent it does not see has abandoned it-- does not love her or him. The less the child sees a parent the easier it is to form a negative and caricatured stereotype of the unseen parent. This leads to the child feeling negative about that half of her or himself.Finally, a system that says, "If the couple can't get along in court how are they going to get along enough to share the children?" creates an incentive for the mom to initiate conflict. Why the mom? The Mom Bias teaches mom that if she can erase the joint custody option, she is more likely than dad to be given custody of the children. This awareness creates an incentive for a mom who wants full custody to not co-operate with the dad.The three biases in combination lead to many options after divorce not being considered. The teleseminar and Father and Child Reunion explore some of those options.My experience thus far is that virtually all judges are focused on doing what is best for the children, as are most moms and dads; that the above responses to these biases address the issues that prevent judges from giving more priority to securing both parents' equal involvement; that once judges know this, their rulings are much more likely to incorporate this prioritization.The Conflict Bias (“If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-shared parenting-will-not-work” )It is often said, “If a couple is in conflict, shared parenting will not work.” My research finds the opposite: the more the conflict, the more important it is for the child to see both parents about equally. There are three important reasons for this:

When there's conflict between parents, children invariably feel it. Not just by overhearing negative comments, but also by seeing eye-rolling-type body language or feeling negative energy when the absent parent's name comes up. If a child sees little of a parent, that parent becomes a “straw parent”—a hollow image. Since the straw parent's genes are also half of the child's genes, that leads to the child experiencing half of her- or himself as a “straw child.” If that hollow image is also negative, it is reflected in the child's low self-esteem. Fortunately, when the child sees that parent more, the child is more likely to understand that parent better, and the child feels more secure with both the parent and the part of her- or himself that is like the parent. (Obviously, if the absent parent is highly abusive, this approach is not viable.)

Conflict leaves the child vulnerable to feeling abandoned. Seeing little of either parent reinforces this insecurity.

Finally, a system that says, “If the couple can't get along in court how are they going to get along enough to share the children?” creates an incentive for the mom to initiate conflict. Why the mom? The Mom Bias teaches mom that if she can create conflict, they are more likely than dad to be given custody of the children. This awareness creates an incentive for a mom who wants full custody to not co-operate with the dad. If the dad is a good earner and the mom is not career motivated, then this incentive to criticize dad to get the children may be as powerful for the mom as it would be for a political incumbent to criticize someone who wanted his or her job. Moms who are receiving money to care for the children often respond to father involvement as if the children are their job and dad were a threat to their job.

In brief, the more the conflict, the more important it is for the court to make it clear that the child will see both parents about equally, thus stabilizing what the parents would otherwise destabilize. A strong guarantee of shared parenting eliminates the incentive to deepen the conflict so that the mom can have the child; inhibits the development of a “straw parent” who morphs into a “straw child;” and soothes fears of abandonment.For more information on Warren Farrell and child custody cases, email warren@warrenfarrell.com.