Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.

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On selling your innocence.

Hey Coketalk, first time caller here. So I was offered $780 for my virginity from a guy I have never met. Should I consider this? I mean, I just want to lose my virginity and be done with it, but then again I’d be a whore.

You’d be a prostitute, not a whore, and while $780 is an average take for a private dancer doing an hour at a bachelor party in Vegas, it’s kind of a low rent offer for your virginity.

Come on, didn’t you see the movie Taken? If you’re certified pure, that ass is worth a helluva lot more than seven hundred and change on the black market.

It’s also a really strange number. Seven hundred and eighty? Was it gonna be eight hundred, but then he ordered a pizza? What the fuck?

Listen, kiddo. I highly recommend you ignore not only this offer, but all subsequent communication from this creep. He’s not just trying to buy sex. He’s trying to buy your innocence. That’s fucked up. It’s predatory and twisted, and you don’t want anything to do with someone that unhealthy.

Sure, you want to lose your virginity. It’s a natural part of the human condition, but doing it just to get it over with is lazy and dumb.

There aren’t that many firsts in life with this much psychic magnitude over which you have total control. For someone with self-respect, it’s an opportunity for exploration and growth.

It doesn’t have to be double rainbow special, but don’t waste it. Don’t sell it either. Honestly, sweetie, if you don’t know what something is worth, it’s probably best not to put a price on it.