Why Do You Write?

I turned in my third novel on April 12th after a six-month extension that required nights, weekends, and workdays that often began at 4AM. To say I was burned out would be putting it mildly. Fried, torched, or incinerated were better words for my condition. This one got me, on every level and to my core. The morning after I turned in the manuscript, I stood at the mirror brushing my teeth and barely recognizing the exhausted woman who stared back at me.

And two questions came to mind: Do you really want to do this again? Why do you write?

I had no answers. Instead, I saw a fleeting image within the reflection, a glimpse of one of the characters from my just finished manuscript. Rose is a schizophrenic homeless woman who “sees” music. She isn’t my protagonist, but she is the character who has stayed with me, the one who has most touched my soul.

I often joke that I am a “method writer,” and that was truer with this book than with any other. To get into the head of my characters, I try to become them, to walk in their shoes, sometimes for many days at a time. A writer friend has called this “empathy taken to the extreme,” implying that it might not be an entirely healthy practice. In the case of Rose, I cannot disagree. But each writer has a process, and this is mine. Generally, I like becoming my characters. When a story is finished, I want them to remain. They have become friends.

To which even I would reply, “You really have to get out more, Brunonia.” True enough. And I’m trying to do just that. But when I go out into the world after finishing a book, at least at first, my characters go with me. Rose certainly did. I have found her to be one of the most compelling and authentic characters I’ve yet written, and I not only want to keep parts of her with me always, but I realize that it is inevitable that she will stay. Rose isn’t going anywhere. She has been internalized. The results have left me with the residual appearance of a woman who has seen too much of the street for people to be entirely comfortable around.

For me, the period after turning in a manuscript is a strange kind of limbo that is filled with baby steps. This time, I literally found myself walking in circles through the myriad of household rooms I had been neglecting for months. Then I took to the streets. Too much sitting at the computer had wreaked havoc on a body that I had also neglected. It was time to move.

I bought myself a Fitbit, one of those little wireless devices you clip on that tracks every step you take and monitors your sleep. I figured Fitbit was probably the only entity that would reward me for walking in circles, sending ongoing motivational messages for what anyone else would consider erratic or at least unusual behavior. For that reason, Fitbit and I were a perfect match. The expectation? 10,000 steps a day. I could do that in circles alone.

But I didn’t, thank God. Slowly, the circles widened until I found myself walking my neighborhood and eventually my city. I wasn’t walking alone. A few of my lingering characters went with me, Rose in particular. They needed exercise as much as I did. It worked. The circles widened again, taking me and my friends into Boston in time for Grub Street’s annual Muse and the Marketplace event.

I am an enthusiastic supporter of Grub Street, serving on their Development Committee, trying to give something back to a community that took me under its wing a few years ago when I was starting my writing journey. While I sometimes teach at Muse, I did not this year. I had nothing left to teach. Hell, I wasn’t even certain I wanted to be a writer anymore.

As luck would have it, the first session I wandered into was aptly titled: “The Strategic Writer: You’re bigger than your book.” It was taught by Eve Bridburg and Michelle Toth two of my Grub Street favorites, who were asking the same questions I was. Why do you write? What do you want to accomplish? What do you consider authentic?

One of the exercises they recommended, and one I urge all writers to think about, is to create what they called a “guiding statement.” At first I resisted. It reminded me too much of the mission statements I’d encountered in my many years of corporate life. But when I saw the results people were discovering, how they changed and morphed as each writer began to really give this subject the attention it warranted, I was quite impressed.

I suggest taking the class if you have the opportunity. There’s a good chance it may soon be online. In any case, I recommend giving the subject some real thought. Because at some point, burned out or just beginning, we should ask ourselves these questions and give the answers due consideration. Why do we do the work we do? Why write?

For me, the answer has a lot to do with Rose and with the other characters I’ve come to know, people who have been somehow marginalized: the mentally ill, the abused, the invisible and misunderstood. I’m writing to give voice to those we don’t normally hear and to start a dialogue about them with readers.

That’s my first attempt at a guiding statement. I’m certain I’ll be working on it for a while. Before I begin the next book, I’ve promised myself to get it down on paper, so I can pin it to the wall above my desk and remember to look at it in those inevitable moments of burn out when I ask myself why I’m choosing to do this work.

It takes some drilling down and stripping away to get to what is essential. The answer may not be what you imagined. I’d love to hear any thoughts you have on the subject.

Comments

I look forward to the third book, I throughly enjoyed The Lace Reader and The Map of True Places.

I have an app on my computer that freezes my screen for 15 seconds every fifteen minutes. I’ll hop up and walk/run a short path through the rooms. The only reason I allow this app to control me is that one or two of my four siberian huskies will hurry to follow me on my mysterious quest as I explain what I am writing -alas, they are more interested in the cat on the deck. But, if I do this, I feel much better at the end of the day. And if I allow a deadline to override it, I am burned out and often accomplish less. Thankfully, I am isolated in a rural area and there are no witnesses to my little parades.

Several years ago, I met Mitali Perkins at an SCBWI conference and she talked about this very thing. And I began to think of the pet projects … why they are so hard to let go of, why they keep coming back, why I keep circling some topics in different guises … and it hit me. Like you, I want to give voice to the voiceless. These characters inhabit my brain and with each revision I get to know them better, until it’s time to share them with the world.

What an interesting post. I loved the Lace Reader, by the way. I write because I can’t stop writing. When I do, it’s because I need to rest and refuel. Yep, characters come forth and speak. My diversion away from the desktop is to get up and answer the phone in the other room. Silly, but it works. That and walking in the sunshine for 5 minutes as break time.

I also write marginalized characters. My first book, “A Train Called Forgiveness” is a reflection of my own past. As the child victim of a cult, I spent several years dealing with schizophrenic tendencies myself. In the book, it is the marginalized charters, hookers, gays, drunks, that help the protagonist through his funk.

I’m currently working on the third book of my “Cult Trilogy.” As a self-published, self-promoting author, I have not sold more than a couple hundred books in over a year. This makes me question my reasons for writing. I know the third book is going to be harder to write than the first two and I question the purpose of it all. My answer is twofold:

1. I write to help others. My books are filled with stories of forgiveness, mercy and redemption.

Insightful comments, Dan. It sounds as if you know exactly why you write. I think forgiveness is a large part of my writing as well. This latest book deals with self forgiveness. I just put “A Train called Forgiveness” on my must read list. So nice to have a bit of time to read once more.

I love the idea of movies in your head, Eden. Great image. Are your stories visually strong for that reason? I have a lot of random ideas moving very quickly but nothing so complete. I love the idea that they repeat until you get them down.

When people ask me what it’s like being a writer, I always refer them to the film A BEAUTIFUL MIND. I say, “You know how at the end of the movie Russell Crowe is still being stalked by those imaginary people, but he has just come to accept it? Well, that’s what it’s like.” Look at it this way: We’re never lonely. :)

Ah, a new novel! So looking forward to that. It will be a pleasure to meet Rose. I’m awed that you internalized a schizophrenic homeless woman.

Perhaps that’s why you’re writing? To introduce the very real people of your imagination to us unseen and imaginary readers?

Grub Street’s “guiding statement” is similar to an exercise I teach in workshops. It goes like this: Your hard disk has crashed, your backups all fail, your manuscript burns in a house fire…nothing is left. Furthermore, your oncologist has bad news. There won’t be time to reconstruct that novel.

So, you now have ten minutes to write why your story matters and what it says, in particular about the biggest way in which we must all change.

Ten minutes. Go.

When you’re finished, give your statement to your protagonist and find the moment when that purpose will strike him or her with knockout force. Put it in that character’s words. Better still, watch. What does your character physically do in response to this revelation? Finally, work backwards in the manuscript to make that response something hitherto impossible for your protagonist.

Every story has a purpose. It’s there to change the world. The most direct way to do so is to change your main character in the way we all must change.

I have heard wonderful things about Grub Street. I envy you living in Boston if only for that.

Thank you, Donald. That’s a great exercise, which I will definitely use. It really takes things to a deeper level. I’m a big fan of your books on writing and hope I will get to hear you speak one of these days.

I like the idea of a guiding statement. Both overall for your writing in general, but even on a daily basis. I find when I have a mission to accomplish for my writing time each day, it flows better. I had never heard of an overall guiding statement for my writing life. Much like you, my first thought was of those hated mission statements or resume “objectives.” They feel forced. But, if it’s truly something that’s more of a guiding principle, a philosophy even, I think it can be inspirational.

“I’m writing to give voice to those we don’t normally hear and to start a dialogue about them with readers.”

‘Well’ people don’t SEE disabled people, and they don’t see them as mattering. They don’t see old people. Because every well person is scared to death of ending up disabled.

I have news for you. We all will end up old – unless we don’t. And being disabled – or marginalized – happens to a LOT of people: it is five times more likely to become disabled while you are under 66 than it is to die.

Why are so many heroines in romance – and their counterparts, the guys with the abs – perky, healthy, young? Partly because we all like to imagine ourselves in their places – but also partly because well people fear the Other.

Beautifully put, and so true, ABE. My book starts out: “You know who you are. You have always been other.”

Both of my parents became disabled as they aged. My mother with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and my dad with Parkinson’s. I learned so much from them, and I know they are a big reason that I write about the things I do.

You are doing important work. Please keep me posted so I can be sure to read.

I just want to tell a story. If it’s important, then fine. My net covering possible characters is wider than the usual. That is all.

If it has the effect of empowering someone, as many novels with unusual characters have empowered readers who suddenly saw themselves served, treated as no more and no less than human, so much the better.

I haven’t found enough of that – so I have to write it myself. :-)

The hard part has been developing the craft enough to support the story. Hard, but incredibly rewarding.

Point well taken, ABE. I think the way many of us understand “important work” is through stories. That may be more personal than universal, I can only speak for me. Still, for me, the inspiration has to be the story and characters. Setting out to write something important would assume that I knew a great deal about the world, which I definitely do not. But starting a dialogue and exploring a character makes sense to me.

Guiding statement! That’s terrific, like positioning a product. Mine would be I like to tell stories, make readers smile and laugh and occasionally think. I used to write fiction, have seven novels languishing away on my hard drive. Then I wrote a non-fiction book that’s being published in January. It’s called “Writing With A Bestseller” and its about the experience of writing a novel under the tutelage of John Grisham. It’s at times agonizing, at others, hilarious, but it brings to life the creative process of writing a novel. And it only took me eight books and twenty years to get there!

Two reasons: 1. Because I have characters in my head who talk to me all the time and I write to get them out.

2. Because it’s the best job in the world I can have that fits with my family life. I.e. Leading horseback tours in Africa or something of that adventurous, nomadic ilk doesn’t work for small kids, imho.

Great, Mari. I love the idea of adventure. I think people read to have the kind of experience they can’t have in a normal life. And you’re right. It is the best job in the world. I don’t think I could do anything else. Not anymore.

Well said, Brian. I love the possibilities too. I get to say things I would never say in real life and have adventures I have never experienced. And learning craft is a huge part of it. One of my favorite parts, actually.

Why do I write? To entertain myself–not only with the finished story but also with the process. I feel most alive when I’m scribbing notes on setting, dialogue, etc. and when I’m connecting the dots of plot. Thank you for this article, Brunonia. And congratulations on book 3. Wishing you success.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately. Though I haven’t taken the time to really explore an answer. I think I will take your post and Donald’s exercise to heart and see what comes up. Thanks!

In twenty years of advertising, I’ve written about whatever I was told to write about — motorcycles, pizza, high-speed internet, fungicides, wine, laminate flooring, gas grills, you name it. But it was for other people. And while I was successful, it became increasingly difficult to put true heart into a story that wasn’t my own. But luckily, I managed to save a few of my best words for myself, for my story. And now when I write, I hear my distinct voice, not the voice of a client or boss telling me I can’t do that. It has been liberating. And the greatest thing about the whole thing is that I now remember what made it so great in the first place.

See, this is why I read blog posts when I could be doing other things, like boosting my own pedometer reading. Between your questions and Don’s response, I just realized a theme which unifies my fiction (unpublished) and blog posts. Boom. Very helpful and cool. Now I can go for that walk to ponder more deeply.

Thanks, Brunonia. I’m glad you’re on your way back to reclaiming your life, even if you’ve obtained a pack of ghostly visitors. (Sometimes those are the best kind.) Look forward to reading your book.

Brunonia, you’d hit on a number of interesting topics. The one I like the best is a writer “suffering” for their art/craft. I want every reader who picks up one of my books to be changed in a positive way. To me it’s a type of calling. Anyone can write. It’s just putting words together. But can you put those words together so that what you write makes a difference in people’s lives? That’s the real challenge.

Personally, I just write to make a living. It’s not really something I particularly enjoy – there are many other things out there I’d choose over writing at any moment. I guess it’s just the “lesser of two evils” for me (the other evil being working a regular 9-5 job).

I realize this might not sound inspiring, but that’s how it is for me. And I’m sure it’s similar for a huge number of other writers out there.

I hear you, Danielle. I wrote for a living for a long time when I was in marketing. But for me, novel writing is different. Still, with deadlines to meet and mortgage to be paid, it sometimes feels like any other job. At least this time out it did.

I’m not a storyteller. Never have been. I began as a poet, as so many writers do, and it was twenty years before I felt the need to tackle something in prose because it was too big for a poem. I approached it with the same attitude as I did a poem. I write poems to work out things and basically the resultant poem could be thrown away afterwards because, for me, the act of writing, the working out of the problem is what it’s all about. By the end of the writing process I’ve come to understand myself or other people a little better; life makes a bit more sense. The poem, the story (or even an entire novel) is a by-product—or even a waste product—of the process. The reason I don’t toss it is because I’ve realised that others can do something with my (if you’ll forgive me being scatological) shit. What do gardeners shovel on their roses? I write for me, solely for me. I never consider a reader following on after me and trying to make sense out of what I’ve written. That’s why, with the prose at least, I leave the editing/rewriting/revising for a very long time—years literally—because only then can I come to the manuscript with any degree of objectivity. I need to have let the piece go completely and become involved with something else. Then, and only then, can I see if the work stands on its own. Up until then I’ve all this stuff in my head that’s propping up the text and, of course, no reader bar me is privy to all that.

Jim, I love your philosophy of writing. That you have been a poet gives a different perspective. The phrase “life makes a bit more sense,” resonates for me. That you can destroy the poem at the end and that no one is necessarily meant to read your work, reminds me of sand paintings. Thank you for sharing this.

Great thought-provoking question! When I read your post, I immediately thought of the book I’m currently reading, CALLING ALL INVISIBLE WOMEN by Jeanne Ray. Subconsciously I must be circling this topic myself.

Laughing, though not out loud, as I just finished what was temporarily my most difficult book. After I turned it over to my trusted betas I had no idea what to do with my sudden glut of time. I ended up sitting in the sun doing absolutely nothing for long, healthy stretches of time, until gradually I got around to the yard and house work I had neglected for well over a year. It really is a re-entry process little talked about among artists of any kind. Thanks for bringing it up.

Congratulations on completing your third book. I know the feeling you describe well from when I used to develop and stage new work in theatre. Of pouring everything creative in you into the work until opening night. The exhilaration of getting there and the exhaustion of making it happen. And then of nothing left, of emptiness and different kind of exhaustion. And then … the creative well refills itself, once again. Quite mysteriously. Good luck with the book, and with your future projects.

May I say how much I (and my mom, to whom I recommended it) enjoyed your first novel? I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to your next one yet, but I’m pretty behind on my reading list.

Why do I write? I would say “to communicate.” But there is the problem of finding an audience. The real question to me personally is, I think, would you/will you still write, because you have been given a talent, even if there should be no audience?

Thank you, Lucie, both for the compliments on the book and for the comparison to Daniel Day Lewis. You made my day. Regarding audience, I think I would do it whether or not readers were there. I did that, in fact, for many years. I had to write. If I didn’t I just wasn’t the same person.

Love the post and the comments after only serve to deepen the conversation.

I write to make sense of the voices in my head–those parts of me who want the world to recognize that though we are all different people with different beliefs, none of us really know if we are right or wrong, and humanity must find a way to honor differences or we will have nothing to pass to future generations. Somehow, disguising morality in fiction has worked throughout the ages–I hope it works for me ;-)

It’s more evident with some works than others, but sometimes a piece of fiction is so much to the point, so clear in its intent, that it could almost be an essay (Philip Roth’s “Everyman” comes to mind). (This is not to discount the appreciation of fine prose and well-used literary devices–or simple fun, all of which arguably can be an end in themselves.)

I seem to write in an effort to understand whatever concept happens to be troubling me at the time.

Why do I write? A favorite question a bunch of us writers ask one another.

My specific reasons change with each story, but at the root, I write because there’s a story inside dying to get out. A character, whether they’re my own or inspired by someone from a book or movie I just finished, who I want to explore and explain… finding out what makes them tick, what can be done to steer them on the right path no matter how near or far from it they are. When I’m not rewriting endings for character arcs I believed could have ended better or writing about life going on after they’re gone, I write simply to find out what happens next… whether it’s a day dream or something I wake up from.

Jackie, great reason. Stories inside that need to come out. That is so true. Working on characters and reworking them is one of my favorite things. There are many layers to my characters that I must discover.

I write because it is the only thing I know how to do. I write to stay alive and to keep my sanity, but to embrace madness as well.

I just wrote a poem about writing, a poem in which your beautiful article inspired. I’m not going to post it, for I am extremely paranoid, but thank you, the Demons of Doubt were trying to kill me, but you gave me hope that through picking up the Pen again I can vanquish them. And congratualations on your book. I will definitely read it. :). Rose sounds intriguing. I too take on the emotions, the personalities, the mentalities of my characters. Haha, and I came to the conclusion that each and every one of my characters has a mood disorder. I think they take after their creator. :).

Those demons still have you if you don’t publish your poem. Fear not. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone somewhere out there in the ether will laugh at it, or maybe not like it? Will it matter? I bet there will be more that like than not. Even if they don’t like it, that’s only their opinion. It has whatever worth you give it. I have a friend who won’t publish his. He let me read a few he had in his notebook and gave me permission to use 2 of them in a future novel, Cooper’s Mountain. For him to do that was high praise. I’m not a poet, but I’ve had to learn. I’ve even sent a poem into a contest. Winner to be announced in August. [P.S. I tried to send this reply a minute ago, but the computer screen glitched. You may get 2, one unfinished]

I think I often write to reach another person, so thank you so much. What you said about writing to keep your sanity and to “embrace madness” really resonated with me. I get it. And every character having a mood disorder made me smile. I wish I could write poetry. That is a special gift. Whether or not you share it is your decision. I do believe that art is process not product. But I also believe that our words come alive when they are shared by the reader. It can be difficult to share the deepest parts of yourself. I understand completely. I know those Demons of Doubt well. But it can also be a way to reach another person. Which can make it worth the agony. Still, this is a very personal choice. I shared nothing I wrote for many years.

Fun and irritating are two good reasons to write. I also agree with Mari–I have characters in my head that beg me to write about them. I was working on another book when little Megan carrying her rag doll popped into my head. Her tea set was missing. I told her to go away. I was not interested in writing a children’s book. She reappeared 3 more times before I decided to listen. It turns out she was the introductory novel for a series I planned. I guess my brain was working behind the scene. I had put down the ideas for 2 Dana books, but never started writing either one of them. I wondered how Dana became an FBI agent. Megan told me the story.

Fun and irritating. Well put, Connie. Writing is certainly both of those things. I’ve had the experience of characters persisting as well. I’d think I was writing about one character as protagonist and another would take over the story. I’d try to get rid of her, but she’d keep coming back. You do have to listen to them. Eventually.