Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Hatred?

I missed Melbourne. Really much.

As much as I love being at home I also hate being at home.

the loneliness, the "aura" when the TV is turned on, I don't know about you but I can feel it, when someone switched on the TV, even when I'm upstairs, it's this static feeling that makes my hair stand, you can't see it but you can feel it, it's like an aura. Weird feeling I'd say.

And then there were the times you see my grandparents arguing about the smallest things (but only fun when it didn't get too gingery) and they are cute as hell.

Then there were the times I am starving to the core and there is no food ready to be stuffed in, but only frozen raw pork and fresh green parsley.

Then there were the times I'll be spending my day at work and out with friends, and my mom will drop me a message saying "I bought tau fu water from market" which in other words meant that she bought me Jenny Hong soya bean from the market, I thought she bought tau fu fa for me and that is more relevant. =/

And then there were times when I am in NEED to wear something that I love and I cannot find it. In my room. And if you've seen the condition of my room, it is now far worst than before and no, my wardrobe space have yet to expand even though it's increased from 4 doors to 8 doors and I only have 2 doors out of the 8. Uncool. OH my 3rd door is my luggage. Sue me! I have yet to unpack because I HAVE NO ROOM IN MY OWN ROOM!!! :D Ironic right I know.

Then sometimes I feel as though being alone is such a bliss, I can do whatever I want, sing whatever I want, do air cycling like a mad woman in my room (yes aussie ppl I do that in my room back in Berwick -_-) and despite the fact that I have suffered many kinds of suffering there all alone, I grew. I grew to be more strong, more independent and even when the sky falls down I'd still have myself. I don't need a metal heart to bear pain and suffering because I know that I'll eventually get through it. It will be hard at the start, but I'm just so used to doing this all alone.

I feel like this place is slowly losing its meaning and I do not want that to happen. =( This place I start to hate and leave as soon as I could. I just don't know why. :(