Thursday, October 25, 2012

Kristyn Hartwyk-iExamen 2

All Good Things

Saying what is only kind, useful, and true presented itself to be a more difficult task than I anticipated. Going to bed the night before I would conduct my observations, I told myself this shouldn’t be too hard. I generally like to think of myself as a nice person so I figured saying words that are kind is something I do on a daily basis. This iExamen self-observation ended up proving me somewhat wrong.

I conducted my observations while at home for the long weekend break. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to say what is only kind, true, and useful. As I walked down stairs towards the kitchen I saw my younger sister eating her breakfast at the kitchen table. I said to her, “Morning loser”. Strike one. Those unkind words came straight out of my mouth so fast, and so unconsciously. After three seconds of calling her a loser, I realized I had already messed up on the experiment. Ultimately, I gave her a hug and told her I was extremely sorry and that I didn’t mean it. After this time, I was extremely careful about what I said.

I noticed that my means of communication were different. When I am angry at a friend or a family member, I always find it easier to be mad and difficult through a text message instead of face to face. Because I am so close with my family, fighting is a daily action. I was in my closet packing winter clothes I will need for the cold weather, and I realized half of my clothes were gone. My older sister had taken them to college, leaving me with one or two of my things. I was absolutely livid. My first reaction was to grab my phone, text her, and say the worst things that came to my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister with all my heart, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry with her. Luckily, I stepped away from my phone and put my iPod in to calm me down. Later that day I called her and politely asked her to ship my clothes to me because it is obvious she had them. I told her I was angry by explaining myself, rather than screaming. By asking her nicely, she unexpectedly apologized and agreed to return my things as soon as possible.

My mom can read my mind. She knows when I am lying, when I am sad, or when I want something. As my mom was preparing a dinner for my younger sister and I, I told her that she was beautiful and that she is the best mom in the entire world. Of course, she was very flattered. But immediately she said to me, “Okay, what do want?” Like I said earlier, she can read my mind, but this time she was wrong. I truly felt what I said, and I wanted to share my feelings with her. Watching her make a home cooked meal for my sister and I was something I missed about being home. I made me remember how lucky I am to have a mom like my own, and I wanted her to know how much I love and appreciate her. It made me sad in a way to know that my mom thinks I say words to flatter her in order to get what I want. But like in this situation, that’s not always the case.

Through all of the events that happened throughout my day of self-observation, I learned that the way I communicate with others has a lot to do with how I do it. I realized that I have difficulties telling people how I really feel to their face. Being confrontational has never been easy for me. For example, after being away for a few months, my mom wanted to talk full advantage of the time I had left being home. Being women, she naturally bought a new pair of shoes and wanted my true opinion on what I thought about them. Truthfully, I disliked them, but because she was so into them, I felt bad telling her I wasn’t. Ultimately, I was honest and said they weren’t anything special. My mom wasn’t offended. In fact, she appreciated my honesty. It proved that she trusts my judgement. She called me other day telling me she returned them.

Through self-observation, I concluded that being kind, useful, and helpful is how we all should aim to be. It makes us more positive. My mom used to always tell me, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Saying kind words to others makes them feel better and good about themselves. While on Facebook, and scrolling (not stalking) photos of friends, every comment is a positive one. When we are kind, useful, and helpful, people will respect your opinions and thoughts. But be careful, sometimes giving your opinions can bring someone down. It’s important to know when to give an opinion or when to keep it to yourself.