While I’m on the subject of “Youth Ministry Mind Games,” this one is a standout and deserves extra attention. I still remember the conversation with a desperate youth leader from Australia and while some conversations easily blur together, the agony in this sincere youth leader’s words remain clearly etched on my mind.

“Jeanne,” he said. “I need a favor from you.”

“Sure,” I responded almost mindlessly. “What can I do for you?”

The youth leader paused for a second or so and then blurted out, “Could you talk me out of quitting youth ministry?”

The story that emerged was all too typical. This sincere leader had recently experienced having several key kids in his youth group “go south spiritually.” But as his story began to unravel, it was clear that one student had been particularly painful to him.

“I gave this kid everything I had to give,” he quietly said to me. “We kept him at our home for awhile, I spent countless hours with him, and he gave me encouragement that I was really accomplishing something.” The man’s voice broke slightly. He cleared his throat, trying to mask the pain. “But then almost out of no where, the teenager began backing away from me and the other kids in the youth group. He started hanging out with his old friends, and just yesterday I found out that he was selling drugs again and talking about what a joke his Christian experience had been.”

I allowed the silence to linger for a minute. When our eyes met again, he unashamedly reached to wipe a few tears from his face. “What do you do when a teenager you really care about goes south spiritually? I mean, how do you keep the feelings of worthlessness and futility from eventually causing you to cash it all in?”

Let me highlight a few of the thoughts I shared with him that day. Maybe it will help you when you experience some of the same feelings. Trust me, my friend, stay in youth ministry long enough and you will.

Remember that even Jesus Himself had a “Peter” and a “Judas.” After all, the Lord had some of His closest guys “go south” spiritually on Him. Peter cursed and denied that he even knew Jesus. Judas not only betrayed his leader, but betrayed Him with a kiss. So know that the greatest Youth Leader of the universe, Jesus Christ Himself, felt all of the same emotions you are experiencing right now. If it happened to Him, don’t be so shocked when it happens to you.

Guard against “putting all your eggs in ONE spiritual basket.” My grandmother’s old quote has a lot of wisdom in it. Allow me to translate its meaning to this situation. “Guard against putting all your emotional energy into just one or two students.” It’s an easy set-up for the Enemy to have a field day with you. Try to keep at least 3 or 4 students up close to you so one student cannot pull the plug on you emotionally.

In the middle of your pain, strategically spend time with another student to whom you are drawn. Refuse to allow yourself to pull up into a self-made shell. Isolation for you right now will only fuel the Enemy’s mind games. You may not FEEL like picking another student up for a Coke, but do it anyway. “Right choices eventually bring right emotions.”

And lastly, congratulate yourself that you care deeply enough for your students to even deal with these emotions. In this case, pain is a “badge of honor.”It comes from your courageously “putting your heart out on a stick.” Just keep the bridge to your heart open for your beloved ‘prodigal.’ You’ll be surprised how often both you and Jesus will be allowed to walk back over it.

Great advice Jeanne! Spiritual mentoring has been one of my greatest joys over the years, but as you alluded to, it can also bring about despair and frustration at times. What has helped me over the years is the fact that God loves these teens more than I ever could; He created them, He died for them, and He is in control of their destinies. When it comes to our role in the whole scheme of things, we can do our best to love them, pray for them, and model Christ’s life and example for them. I believe Spiritual mentoring is one of the greatest responsibilities God has entrusted to mankind. There is probably no greater joy than to see a young person grab a hold of Jesus and run hard into all that He has for their lives.

Jeannie
Thank you for the post. This same thing occurred to me when I was in youth ministry. 15 years. 4 as pastor. My ministry reached out to the skater kids. We had the skate park equipment then on demands of people in the church along with the lead pastors of the I was told to get rid of it. The money manager of the church constantly. Complained about the money it cost for the in insurance. After the dismantle of equipment it was the dismounting of the youth.No support from leaders because and I heard from pastors wife. We don’t need. These type of kids here in our church…Jeannie I met you at pastor ricks church in Atlanta. The youth then were on fire…..skater kids inviting friends we got to98 young people then it was the exodus because of the upper leaders and the lack of love…… I see them always and still receive request for Mr. Mike ray for me. I totally believe thou I am no longer in youth ministry because the board elected to replace me I know God the Father had me in there lives at their important time of their lives….. To this very Day. I find myself praying for them and their families…..Skater kids. “Emerging Voices” I will love you all till the end…The church Victorious Faith Fellowship in MD. Pretty little white church where everyone thighs yet don’t love the youth!!¡!! Thank you for listening. And thank you for your ministry I still follow to this day…And yes I. Still walk and talk with him even see miracles because He is faithful to those who truly love Him..,…