I owe this moment to Daphna

By Anonymous · Feb. 26, 2003

I need you to see this place. It might be the only way that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you.
How do you do it? (Make me feel like I do...)

Most people would probably think I needed a cat scan for willingly putting fish hooks in my back, tying them into another set of fish hooks stuck into someone else's back and then pulling each other's skin off our respective frames. And I suppose if you put it that way, I'm inviting the men in the white coats over for a pork chop dinner, but that's definitely not all it is.
If you've ever pulled you probably know how hard it would be to write an experience about it. I don't mean that it wasn't memorable or that I can't go on and on about it, because I'm sure I'll be able to do that just fine. It was like intimate sex without the sexual overtone. It's like the best dinner you've ever eaten without swallowing a mouthful. It's like taking an overseas vacation without ever setting foot in a travel agency. I guess there's really only one way to describe it to you: Unexplainable.
This was not my first experience with a ritual event. Over the summer, I suspended with Rites of Passage, so I wasn't nervous about getting the hooks thrown or how the stretched skin would feel like I had before. I went into this with a smile on my face and an anxious state of mind. Basically, I couldn't fucking wait.
I pulled with Daphna (She can be found on IAM as defbug). I had only met her the day before and before being tied to her, had only known her for less than 24 hours. Pulling with someone bonds you on a level only someone who has pulled can understand. It's something that we both feel, but I don't think either one of us could express it in words, even if we wanted to.
We did a standard back to back pull. I had considered asking Phil to let me do a chest pull, but I think I'll save that for next time. Phil Barbosa was the one who threw our hooks and supervised the whole thing. He is an amazing person and only added to the experience.
Daphna got her hooks thrown first because she was pretty nervous, given she had never done anything like this before. That went smoothly and I don't think she thought it was all that bad at all. Mine were next and went in relatively smoothly, although it did kind of suck a little more (especially the second hook) because he was piercing through the scar tissue form my suspension.
We were then tied up and ready to go. We had a couple CDs to pull to already picked out, so we put the first one in and stepped away form each other. I was pretty nervous because unlike a suspension where once you're off the ground, you don't have control over how much your skin is pulled, or at what pressure you want it pulled. With a pull, it is much more intimate and you have the opportunity to make this experience great for not only yourself, but also someone else. This was something I had never really thought about until we were there doing it.
Every time I pulled any harder, or let off at all, Daphna would feel it. I was living in the moment and loving it. I was at complete peace with myself, who I am, and what I was doing.
After what seemed like both forever and next to no time at all, Daphna asked if I wanted to pull from a sitting position because she wanted a break. I was fine with that and I sat down, careful to make sure I didn't snag her hooks, and slowly enough to not pull her down with me any faster than she wanted to go. I looked to my left and there was something there that made the whole thing even better...a mirror.
I could actually see my back for the second half of the pull. I didn't watch it much, because there's so much stuff that runs through your head while you're doing this that you can't stay focused on anything other than the pull itself. In that moment you are free. There is not another worry in the world. The moment is you, and it's like magic.
Phil at one point started plucking the string which was a very strange sensation. You can feel the vibration travel down the string and up under your skin.
One of my favorite moments from the pull, and unfortunately there's not a great picture of it, is when Daphna and I were sitting, arms behind our backs, holding hands while pulling. I think there's only one picture of that, and Phil is sitting in front of Daphna, so you can't see her very well. That part was probably the most intimate part of the whole pull, at least to me. I wish the cord had been slightly shorter because we couldn't get very far apart doing this though.
There are only two things I wish had gone differently with the pull, and neither of which made the experience any less wonderful. The first being I wish it had been just us, and Phil for obvious reasons. Don't get me wrong guys, I enjoyed your company, and if I could have changed this aspect I don't even know if I would have. It wasn't intrusive or anything, I just think it would have been even more intimate if we had been alone.
The second is that I wish I was still in her room at this moment, pulling against her. It couldn't have lasted long enough for me. The next time I pull, I want it to be with her, and if she's up for it, I'd like to do a face to face chest pull.
I still have my hooks, and I'll treasure them forever. Thank you, Daphna, for sharing one of the best moments of my life with me...I'll never forget it.

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submitted by: Anonymouson: 26 Feb. 2003in
Ritual

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Artist: Phil+BarbosaStudio: Daphna%27s+RoomLocation: Buffalo%2C+NY

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