Hands Off to Sexual Abuse

Hands Off! to Sexual Abuse

As a child, teen, and even adult, I cannot count the times I was sexually violated. Touched, felt up, felt down, forced up, forced down and made to touch others. Gross! It turns my stomach to think about it. My abusers, like most sexual abuse victims, were those I (or my family) put our complete trust in; neighbors, friends, and even relatives. (RAIN statistics say that 70% of sexual abuse is by someone the victim knew)!

By the age of two I was completely bald. I had pulled all my long blonde hair out, strand by strand. Even worse, I hit my head on our hardwood floors for hours. I rocked so hard in our family rocking chair that I broke it. However, nights were the worst. Every night I had severe nightmares (now I realize they were night terrors), that had me gasping for air and so afraid I couldn’t go back to sleep.

So why didn’t I just report the abuse and get it over with?

Like most victims of sexual abuse, I was threatened by my abusers not to tell, and I was afraid if I did tell, no one would believe me, or I’d be the one in trouble. Besides, I was ashamed. I felt dirty, disgusting and nasty. There was no soap or hot water in the world that could clean all that filth up. I was totally embarrassed by what had been done to me. I hated myself and I knew others must too. I knew I must deserve the abuse, though. So I learned not to fight, to stay still until it was over, all the while pretending I was in a safe, good place.

My safe, good place never came until the age of 26. Reality hit me like a hammer over the head when my husband of seven years turned his dreaded porn addiction onto our three small children and sexually assaulted them. That’s when I chose to stop the cycle of abuse and make a better life for me and my children. Yes, it was hard, being a single mother of three, battling horrible panic attacks, and trying to overcome Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But I refused to be a victim—I made up my mind to be a survivor. It took a lot of time, but I have healed, and am still healing, and have a passion to help others become survivors too!

Sadly, stories of sexual abuse today are only getting worse.

Infants, children and teens are physically, verbally, and sexually abused by their own parents or friends of the family every day. The most horrific part is, these people are the ones we’ve taught our children to trust. Sex offenders are lurking around in every aspect of society.

Even scarier, many of these perpetrators told their child victims they loved them,including the coach of Gold Medalist Olympic Winner, Kayla Harrison. Some of these young victims even agreed to the terms of the sexual conduct, confused at the time, and thinking it was okay. However, sex with a child or a teen under the age of 18 is never consensual, it's more like statutory rape. (Read Story)

Some mothers, like Laney Wyble, are trying to protect their young children from sexual abuse by their own fathers, and not much is being done. (Read Story)

We need to do more before it’s too late.

One soccer club is doing something to ensure the safety of athletes and children in the future. They have put into place a Code of Conduct for Coaches. Some of the rules state that mentors/coaches should not be in dressing rooms, cars, etc. with an individual player, no inappropriate touch, get parental permission before taking photos of players, use open door policy and have another adult present when counseling players, no social networking with players, no gifts or cards to individual players, and report all abuse to proper authorities. (Read Story)

Those are all great tips for sure. Still, sexual abuse is everywhere. It’s even rearing its ugly head online too. With everything from pedophiles and pornography now sexual harassment is showing up virtual video games too. New systems have the capability to chat, so people are being bashed, especially those who are LBGT, but even worse when they learn the player is a woman, she suddenly becomes a sexual target. (Article: How to Fix the Problem of Sexual Harrassment Online)