Mass Effect 3: Story Driven Drivel (Spoiler Alert)

Warning: Before you read this article keep in mind that it’s littered with spoilers for Mass Effect 3. Read at your own risk.

Mass Effect 3 leaves me feeling a bit perplexed. While ME2 had me a bit pissed at the end over the Reaper larva and how easy it was to destroy with a hand cannon, this 3rd installment in the series has me scratching my head and pondering what the hell just happened.

Don’t get me wrong here, as a Mass Effect Universe fan boy, I’m trying hard to like this game and there was a lot for me to like. The weapon mods were far better than in the past, some of the powers actually made for a better combat experience and using the Citadel as a central hub actually worked most of the time. I also enjoyed side missions that were graphically interesting and made and narrative impact on the game. These were all an improvement over the past offerings.

But… there are some issues that need to be addressed by Bioware and they need to do it rather quickly or they risk losing a significant portion of their fan base.

There are some holes in this story. Okay, holes is a bit tame. There are some big fucking gaps in story continuity that make no fucking sense.

1.) What happened with the whole dark energy storyline? The one that was hinted at in Tali’s missions in Mass Effect 2. If the Quarians were so concerned about it, why was no mention made in the latest game? Now rumor has it that this was the actual problem in Mass Effect 3, but Bioware didn’t like the way the script was leaked a few months back, and completely changed the ending of the game.

2.) The choices Shepard is forced to make if you only play single player are flat out retarded! You would think that Bioware with a staff of several writers could have come up with something a bit more interesting than blow up the mass relays and make the Reapers go boom or leave. Really? How about making Shepard the new Harbinger with a threat to return in 50 thousand years? Or, how about combining Shepard with the Citadel to be the new intelligence to guide organics and synthetics through the next stage of evolution?

3.) The Citadel was actually controlling the fucking reapers? What the hell kind of bullshit explanation is that? If that’s the case, why did we even have Mass Effect 2? As soon as Sovereign hooked up in ME1 organics would have been finished.

4.) Of course the most important story gap of all. How the fuck did the crew get back on the Normandy and end up crash landing (which looks a lot like Jacob’s mission in ME2) on some uncharted world? I call BULLSHIT! Everyone but Joker was down on Earth fighting, you Bioware tools! Please explain to your loyal fan base how the hell Normandy swooped down past Harbinger and picked up everyone, who were on different fronts of the battle. Was Engineer Adams manning the transporter that we secretly stole from the Federation? This piss poor writing hole is the one that’s got me the most upset. There is NO REASON for them to be on that ship. NONE!

5.) What are those dark tendrils of energy that the Illusive Man is using to control Anderson and Shepard? Never saw them before and all of the sudden he’s able to make non-indoctrinated humans obey him?

Now that I look at what I wrote I understand what I’m feeling. The gameplay isn’t be questioned, or the fact that Shepard has to make hard choices in a story that’s supposed to be epic. What I’m pissed about is the ending is just… trite. After the hell that Shepard and his crew have been through, they basically just suck wind with no resolution of any kind. Bioware basically told their fan base to eat chocolate covered shit and like it. They took a game that was driven by the story and didn’t finish telling it.

I guess it makes sense ending this article with severe plot holes, thrown together writing, and something that is sure to annoy our fans.