“It is unfortunate that individuals and other outside parties are trying to profit from material which is clearly private. I have had the privilege to speak to people across the country, both gay and straight, on a number of critical issues including safe sex. More important than the embarrassment of this incident is the misleading message these images send. I apologize and cannot emphasize enough the importance of responsible sexual practices.”

Dustin Lance Black is a good guy.

Lance Sandwich Crackers? I’ve never even heard of those and the commercial comes on now?

Am I part of a community trying to lose weight? Have I decided I’m ready to lose weight? I don’t need it anymore?

No wonder actresses are neurotic messes. People who have had fluctuating weight are sensitive to anyone noticing their body. Their job has become encouraging people to notice their body. I need privacy.

Is Giada De Laurentiis someone’s celebrity fantasy? Not that she doesn’t deserve to be, because I love her. But she doesn’t seem to be a heavy hitter on the tabloid scene.

Are there people who actually appreciate the time it took to compose this video? They find it worth seeing?

That mozzarella/raspberry jam/rosemary/brown sugar panini looks like the best thing you could ever put in your mouth.

Are there people out there who’s word processor dictionary recognizes all of the key terms of today’s entertainment-centric generation? They spend so much time writing about Kirsten Dunst’s every vaginal waxing that constantly seeing her name with a squiggly red line underneath it would send him round the psychotic bend. But of course, even writing this is tempting me to add Beyonce to my dictionary because the line is driving me nuts. And I want to have the accent automatically pop up!

I have had Fleet Foxes’ Blue Ridge Mountains in my head ALL DAY. Maybe hearing it will give me a little relief from the repetition.

Note to self: I should see Away We Go.

My goal for my life: For someone to think I have a genius mind. I don’t care; It could be my six year old daughter before she finds out I use Wikipedia to answer all of her questions. I should write a book about different heroes in peoples’ lives. What makes someone a hero? What makes someone a worshipper? I have to talk to Kendra about that.

I have a fully aged scar on my leg that I’ve never noticed before. Do I hate my body so much that I disregard its existence completely? Yes. For now. Not forever.

I could watch this over and over:

As my father so thoughtfully told me at the age of 12, I am such a fag hag.