The Cover Of Allen West’s New Book Is Terrific, We Can’t Wait To Laugh At The Mere Idea Of Reading It

Wow, how could this cover of Allen West’s probably terrible new book be any better? More eagles, maybe, like a live one excreting digested fish sludge on Allen West’s head. That’s good luck, we hear! Oh, it could be a Blingee! With pictures of guns and dancing aliens smoking marijuana, yes!

Also wow: the title and subtitle. It’s generally considered bad form to proclaim oneself to be something so lofty as a “Guardian of the Republic” unless Princess Leia said you could, just like it’s bad form to be in the army and fire your gun next to a prisoner’s head to scare him and get kicked out of the army because of it, but just try and tell that to Allen West.

Even better is the subtitle “An American Ronin’s Journey to Faith, Family, and Freedom.” We don’t know much about ronins (sp?) but weren’t they dishonored goons, mercenaries, and often criminals? It’s a strange word choice, but West’s co-author puts that down to West’s “encyclopedic knowledge”:

Despite the unfamiliar word in the subtitle, Hickford said, “It’s not an academic work. It’s definitely in his voice. Anyone who’s ever heard him speak in person knows how conversational he is. His voice definitely comes through in the book.

(Don’t worry, conservatives, Allen West’s book, the cover of which has Allen West posed on an eagle-bedecked motorcycle, is “not an academic work.”)

“He writes the majority of everything,” [Hickford] said. “He has a very, very strong voice and points that he wants to put across.” The editing process typically involves “making it clear to the average reader. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of history and military details, and sometimes for the reader there’s an assumption that you know all those things.”

For example, Allen West might assume that you know he’s not an anti-Semite, so he’ll just go ahead and use his very, very strong voice to yell that a female staff member at his former PJ Media job was being a “Jewish American Princess”. It’s totally understandable. Also totally understandable is why Allen West might want to sell some books: it is because he lost his job for not being a terrible Jew hater, and he likes money.

We look forward to the sequel: “The Not And Never King: An American Footnote’s Journey to Realizing He Should Just Go Away.”