Santorum the Rick vs. Santorum the “Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter”

So nice to have that bible-whomping Republican wingnut Rick Santorum back in the spotlight again, if ever so briefly.

Anyone who’s ever googled “Santorum” — and why the hell wouldn’t you? — is aware of what’s commonly known as Santorum’s “Google Problem”: a highly successful campaign to mock the goofy homophobic ex-Senator by linking his name with a hilarious but somewhat graphic sexual term and Google-bombing it right up to the top of the search engine rankings. Thanks to millions of clicks on millions of links like this one — Santorum — the satirical site with its cute little introductory brown squirt has topped the Santorum Google hit parade for years (and other search engine hit parades as well).

Santorum (the politician, not the frothy mixture) became hyper-aware of his Google Problem when he launched his doomed presidential primary run this year, and finally he’s decided to fight back:

On Tuesday, the socially conservative politician lashed out at Google, saying the company could get rid of the sexual references to his name on the search results if it wanted to — and perhaps would do so if he were a Democrat.

“I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they’d get rid of it,” he told Politico. “If you’re a responsible business, you don’t let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country.”

He continued: “To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their website or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle, but I suspect that’s not true.”

Typically, in the dank fever swamps of Santorum’s mucid imagination, where man-on-dog action is the order of the day, Google is persecuting him because he’s a conservative. But Google maintains a decidedly absolutist position when it comes to free speech, regardless of political bias, and there are many examples of right-wing google-bombing to prove it (including racist images of the First Lady). A Google spokesman suggested the best way for Santorum to resolve his Google Problem would be for him to contact the offending site’s webmaster, Dan Savage.

An unlikely outcome, to say the least. Savage has already offered to take down the website if Santorum would donate $5million to “Freedom to Marry“, an advocacy group for equal marriage, and he hasn’t done it yet. (I know this because I googled it.)

You have to love the irony and lack of awareness in Santorum deciding that the best way to get rid of his Google Problem is to draw more attention to it. The offending site is once again racing to the top of the search engine results: #3 when I checked just now.