Hi I’m Jonathan London and you’re watching Newsfeed.
Gas prices are up 13 cents over the last month, hitting a national average of $3.51. What? Who? How? I'm gonna have to take the bus to the comic store - like the other loser nerds. No, for real America. What should we do!?! We have a serious choice to make: We can invest our few remaining dollars in Banana peel technology (Back to the Future) or gimp masks (Mad Max). We gotta start thinking economically, America! “Be still my dogs of war.”
I’m Jonathan London, and you’ve been fed!

Andressa Soares is a Brazilian model who, for some reason, decides to show off her amazing booty dancing in front of some kids on a field trip. Among the boys of the class, this trip would forever be known as "The Absolute Best Day of Class Ever." Andressa is widely known in her native country of Brazil, and she has had to fight vicious rumors of silicone enhancement in her gluteus maximus, as well as the equally damaging accusations that she's only famous because of her butt. She'll always be accepted by us, though, unconditionally.