May I offer? Abuse is done in secret, recovery is done OUT LOUD! Heh heh, it is a bit of a cliche, but it has merit. What you have done in registering and creating these posts is monumental. You are taking the first steps to unloading these negative harmful feelings that belong to the perpetrator but that survivors feel they need to carry as well. It has been said that sexual abuse is the perfect crime, because the abused becomes a sort of accomplice in a manner of speaking, too ashamed and shocked to reveal the abuse. I kept her(the perpetrator's) secret for 34 years! It is time fellow survivor to blow that whistle and you will see the support running from every corner to give you the protection and healing you need. Post, reply, share.., do everything you can to move to a stable, healthy place, you have waited long enough and now is the time.

Welcome. You are in a place of healing here at MS. As was said above, use us to get as much out as you feel comfortable in posts. Private message any of us if you are more comfortable with that. Most of us are still with therapists, but can share with you our experience and what we've learned.

Jude

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I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

I've been in therapy for 10 years but never would bring up the CSA till just this past August. I paid for alot of T up till then without much to show for it because I wouldn't be honest. Just the opposite of you I guess. Use the site as suites you best. We're here for you.

Jude

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I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

I also spent years and years in therapy and I used to complain "All I ever got out of all that therapy was a whole lot of self awareness but no change".

Well, after coming to terms with my sexual abuse, I decided to seek out a specialist who knows how to work with trauma and childhood sexual abuse issues. BIG. HUGE. DIFFERENCE it has made in my life - seeing a specialist.

I agree 100% with Megellan. Getting a T who knows and understands trauma and sexual abuse (and the male side of it as well) makes a huge difference.

Only T I found that had a clue (and doesn't work with adults any more) still wasn't all that great. Got me through the beginning, but by the 2nd year it wasn't beneficial anymore.

So now I got squat if I really wanted a T. I did talk to a lady at the local crisis center for awhile, but in only a month I was done on getting any benefit out of it. She's worked for over 13 years with abuse victims, but was utterly clueless with men and had no experience in male survivor issues at all.

Utilize the "Shopping for a Therapist" guide from the main site. It'll help you avoid people who are clueless.

Been there, done that. Now it isn't worth the drive (minimum 35 miles to a general T and 90 miles to one specializing in SA)

Besides, every last one of them has told me one thing or the other I CHOOSE to do is "unhealthy" and the two I did talk to an mention my special someone, told me to stop all contact with him and, that he was lying about his abuse.) *Inserted rage fit here*

No he isn't but, Ts don't believe half of that stuff so, no point in it for either of us anymore. No we aren't perfect, not done working on ourselves, but we can manage without T. Better than moving again, and better than dealing with people we don't want to deal with.

And yes, part of where we live is safety, isolation is safer than having a lot of people know where we are, but that's stuff for another discussion, and not one I'll likely post at all.

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