Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Gogol Bordello advises us, almost commands us, to start
wearing purple. Their music is weird and disturbing, which is perfect. Also,
they are geniuses, because yes, we should all start wearing purple. Here are
the top seven reasons why:

1.It is the color of royalty. Back in the medieval
ages those who wore purple were those who were rich and/ or powerful. The
natural materials that were used to create purple pigments, dyes, inks, and
paints were hard to come by. Because, purple was worn only by the select and
highly esteemed few in those dark, dark times the art of the era used the color
to symbolize greatness. Bishops, Popes, Saints, and Messiahs were depicted in
purple to show that they were extra spiffy. But, in this day and age, all kinds
of purple stuff is widely available at your local Big-Box-O-Rama! So, go ahead
and get yourself some purple, fuzzy slippers. Take advantage of it in honor of
your ancestors who couldn’t afford it and show the world how extra spiffy you
are!

2.Purple is the color worn by the famed ninja
turtle Donatello. He is considered to be the smart one. He invents stuff and
builds robots. You should show your respect by wearing his color.

3.Chameleons cannot, I repeat, they canNOT… turn
purple. They can blend in with almost anything in the jungle and change their
color in remarkable, jaw-dropping ways. However, if you were wearing a purple
shirt and a chameleon was resting on your shoulder, it would have to fake it
with warm brown or something. So, out of sympathy to our friends in the animal
kingdom, we should proudly wear purple and say, “Don’t worry, bro. I’ve got
this one.”

4.This reason seems to be close to me because I am
currently a resident of Phoenix. It was the color of the Diamondbacks uniforms
when they won the World Series! I know, it was a long time ago, but I still
think it’s a big deal. Phoenix is not a great sports town, yet currently we
have a team in each major professional sport. Yes, I agree, for the most part,
our teams are not consistently strong. However, each team while they’ve been here
in the Valley of the Sun have given us exciting moments. A few years back, the
Coyotes went deep in the playoffs. One time the Cardinals were in the Super
Bowl, they even had the lead at one point. The dream team Suns played against
the dream team Bulls in an exciting round of the finals during the early
nineties. Yet, none of those teams could take the top prize. It was 2001, and
the Diamondbacks were the only major, professional team of Phoenix to take it
all. It was amazing. The team wears red now, dammit. It’s so uncreative. They
look like half of the league now. In baseball you can’t tell Phoenix from St.
Louis, Boston, Anaheim, Cincinnati, Washington, etc. They were the only purple
team. They won in purple. If they brought the purple back, they’d still be the
only purple team. Support the real Diamondbacks and put on some purple.

5.It’s patriotic. Mix the colors of the US Flag
together. You get light purple.

6.The greatest villains in comic books made good use
of the color purple. Deep down, we all know that a great villain makes for a
great superhero story. And, if you are going to create a villain for a comic
book then the design needs to be spectacular. If the character is going to be
used and loved for decades to come, the character needs to be iconic. Marvel
and DC have both put purple and great iconic villains together for years to
great success. Just look at certain versions of Lex Luthor, Green Goblin,
Magneto, The Riddler, Galactus, oh yeah, and the one called The Joker. Be
iconic. Stand out. Be loved throughout the ages and slap on some purple!

7.Next to Black, Orange, and Green, I believe
purple is becoming the fourth official color of Halloween. Rightfully so, I
might add. It can be presented as dark, even as a light. It goes well with the
other secondary colors in the mix of oranges and greens. All of the pop up
Halloween stores know it too. They all carry purple lights and a lot of the
packaging for these stores features a good amount of purple. A good, deep
purple makes for a good quick way to show the night sky right after the sun
sets beneath the horizon. That make purple and Halloween a perfect match. And,
we all know that Halloween is the best holiday. The best. That’s not even a
subjective opinion. It’s an objective truth. Halloween is the best. So,
celebrate the best of the best and rock that purple!

So, there you have it. Those are the seven best reasons to
get more purple in your wardrobe. Now pardon me, I have to go and make some
illustrations. I have too much red paint separate from my blue paint. I’ll go
and get that taken care of. Good bye and good night, my violet villains!

About Me

Hi, I'm Tommy. I perform with Robot Destroyers From Planet Earth, Improv Mania, and all of the Dr. Zombie projects. I'm also a cartoonist with work in Fred the Mustard Packet, My Big Break (that Room thing), Supersonic Soul, and The Ben Matlock Review. You know, I'm a mainstream kinda guy. I also teach people about creative things.