The Top 10 Silliest Stage Directions from the Jeremiah Wright–themed Obama Attack Ad

TD Ameritrade founder Joe Ricketts, in collaboration with the equally ridiculously named Strategic Perceptions, is (was?) crafting an attack ad against Barack Obama that seeks (sought?) to “do exactly what John McCain would not let us do.” Umm . . . use the clicker to change the set while he’s watching his stories? No—something far more incendiary than even that: run a five-minute long Web ad about Obama’s relationship with his former pastor, Jeremiah “God Damn America” Wright. Strategic Perception has strategically perceived that Obama is nothing more than a “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln” whose spiritual advisors subscribe to “black liberation theology.” This is the ad that will prove, once and for all, that this false statement is true.

The New York Times has a copy of the storyboard for the ad. It is well worth a read—but to anyone who’s crunched for time, yet wants a dash of overwrought, histrionic race-baiting on the go, we’ve selected the 10 most ridiculous stage directions from the document. Remember: these are real. The points they are arguing are not.

“Footage of BO looking slick and cocky. EXISTING STOCK.”

“Instant cut to ECU [extreme close-up] of the face of a hauntingly unemployed American.”

“Man shutting up his business. Closed, forever.”

“BO enters from left, rapidly pushing a gurney down the sidewalk in front of the home.”

“A husband and wife in their simple kitchen, pouring [sic] over a stack of bills they will never be able to pay. Camera dollies past them to show BO sitting at the table, too, then he bows his head in shame.”

“BO leads a long group of supporters, walking in a straight line behind him. Blindly. Like sheep.”

“Sudden cut to a once proud man literally on his kneels in shame, no clue where to turn next.”

“As he walks toward us, however, the cockiness lessens and he literally gets shorter and shorting, ending up just 2-3 feet tall as he walks past camera on the left.”

“Slow move on the smoldering remains of the World Trade Center towers. EXISTING STOCK, 2D move.”

“Soccer mom, hopeless and lost, in utter despair.”

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