Friday, October 8, 2010

Crazy, Hot Girls

In the last couple days, the topic of the “crazy, hot girl”
has come up a few times. Being a resident of Los Angeles, a survivor of an
Internet dating site, and a man with a proclivity for pretty girls, I have had
my share of experiences with some of the wild women of the world. Some I
have merely hooked up with, some I have casually dated, and some I have fallen in
love with. But all have led to my current life status: single and scared.

Relaying crazy stories-- of the girl who told me she was
pregnant when she actually wasn’t OR the cyber genius who hacked my e-mail and
Facebook accounts and questioned me about their contents OR the first date who
told me she had a gun and would kill me if I screwed her over OR WORSE the
volatile vixen who told me she would kill herself
if I didn’t spend the evening hanging out with her OR the girlfriend who
insisted on knowing where I was and who I was with (and if she was pretty) 24
hours a day --isn’t really the inspiration of this post. Surely they are good
for a laugh or two, but in the end they are just sad.

"It's YOURS! Trust me...

To me, the more intriguing topic is the question of why there are so many
unstable, beautiful women out there, scaring us innocent young men into their
bedrooms and out of their hearts. In analyzing these insane hotties, one must
first question the “facts” in order to make sure they aren’t simply stereotype
or generalization. I can attest from my aforementioned experience that there
are plenty of insane and attractive ladies out there, but could the reality be
that all women are equally crazy, whether they are hot or not?

I don’t have much experience with unattractive ladies. Sure there have been
drunken make outs at bars or clubs with below average girls, but the
interaction never went any further than that (Other than me finding them on
Facebook the next day to remind myself of what they looked like. And yes, some
things are better off forgotten). So the only evidence I have that would lead
me to believe these less-than-beautiful ladies are crazy is that they were
making out with someone like me. I
didn’t talk with any of them long enough to evaluate their sanity. The point is
that we know an attractive girl has a tendency for craziness only because we
took the time to get to know her and learn the dark truth of her brain. An
unattractive girl could be just as nuts, but she dates fewer men and garners
less attention so fewer people discover her potential madness. So is it really
that pretty girls are crazier than unattractive one’s, or just that the ugly girl
at the end of the bar is actually this generation’s Hannibal Lecter, but we’ll
never know or care because we’re too busy trying to bang her hot friend?

"But I'm beautiful on the INSIDE."

While it’s conceivable that the ratio of crazy unattractive women to crazy
attractive women is equal, my experience with human beings tells me it’s not.
In general, humans want to fulfill their potential in the two main walks of
life: career and relationships. If they don’t, it’s simply out of guilt of
fear. Some people feel guilty for success because so many others are suffering
in the world or maybe they grew up underprivileged and feel guilty about losing
their roots. And some people fear going after their desired goal because they
are afraid to take a chance and risk being rejected. For everyone else, they
will go after and take whatever they can get 100% of the time. This is why I
laugh when I hear about peoples’ shock over Tiger Woods’ infidelity. A good-looking
male celebrity athlete worth a half billion dollars who travels all over the
world for a living isn’t cheating on
his wife? Really? Of course he is. Because he can. If we can do something, and we want to do it, we do it.

Hot girls are no exception. They are crazy because they can be. With no repercussions. They’ll still attract tons of guys
despite being unrepentantly unstable. An unattractive girl doesn’t have this
luxury. She can’t go around accusing guys of getting her pregnant or
threatening to kill them. She has to learn skills to keep her man (like cooking
or anal). Every human being has the ability to be crazy. We’re just animals
after all. It’s not our fault. But we also have the ability to control-- or at
least conceal-- our insanity when we have to or when we want to. Hot women never have to pull back the crazy because guys don’t care. For a
while. Then crazy hot girl pushes the limits and tests her man to see what she
can get away with and inevitably he gets scared off, only to jump to a new
woman whose crazy is only a moment away.

And this is where my big issue comes up. Humans are creatures of habit. We like
eating at the same places, spending time with the same friends, and falling
asleep in the safety of our usual beds. We develop these normal routines and,
even if we don’t realize it, we stick to them, whenever possible, usually for
the rest of our lives. The same tendency for repetition applies to our crazy
behavior. We get used to being a certain way and we don’t want to change. Or if
we do want to, we find it difficult to achieve. Hot crazy women will always be
crazy. That shit starts early on. By the time she gets to you, whether it’s at
16 or 61, her habits are so deeply ingrained in her mind that there’s no
turning back. And on the other side of the coin, the men who date these women
also develop dating habits that are hard, if not impossible, to break. Someone
like me who has dated his share of wild women can now never get used to someone
who is just normal. And someone who is just normal could never get used to me.
Going from the bed of a crazy hot girl to dating a normal, sweet young lady
with no issues is like a soldier coming back from war to hang out with his
buddies on the golf course. We both get PTSD. But for me it’s Post Traumatic Sex
Disorder.

To this day, if I am dating someone, I don’t like talking on
the phone because I am scarred with the memory of someone demanding to know
where I am and who I am with even if the innocent answers are “on my couch” and
“Ben & Jerry.” I don’t like people using my cell phone or laptop because I
am paranoid that they are going to look at my texts or read my browser history
(I’ll save you the time, I look at ESPN and porn). I worry if I ever break someone’s heart or let them down
they’ll threaten suicide or murder (or worse: pregnancy). With all of that
said, my biggest fear in relationships is boredom. I’ve been trained to deal
with the crazies. I’ve built up a tolerance and I can usually figure them out
after a while. It just takes patience and the ability to bite my judgmental
tongue. But the uninspiring nature of normalcy is one thing I have never been
able to deal with.

Dating a crazy girl is playing with fire...
Lucky for them, some of us like to be hot.

While certain types of insanity are unacceptable, there’s an
army of guys out there who have suffered and smiled through years of training
in order to combat the evil and enjoyable villain that is the crazy hot girl. I
personally won’t date an e-mail hacker or a baby faker or a phone stalker ever
again. But some guy out there will. And just as they will find each other, I’ll
find someone out there who’s weird and crazy in a way I can’t cure, but I can comprehend.
And maybe, if I’m lucky, she can understand my insanity, too.

2 comments:

Girls are crazy. Period. I can give you TONS of examples, but I don't want you blabbing this on to Michael. I'll let him find this out for himself. Uhh, just joking. But hey, guys are just as crazy, if not crazier. Women are just more emotional than you men, so we seem crazier than we really are.