May 20, 2005

All of a sudden, a deep well of happiness has opened up… Not that it wasn’t present before. But we… for the past 8 months and 5 days, it has been there… open up sometimes, shutting tight at few rare moments… but now it has been opened forever and ever… I feel blithe…Before you to think I sound like a living enigma, let me make it clear- I’m happy I am doing Architecture. Now how does that affect; or well matter to you at all?It does in two ways. One- cos I’m going to share with you happiness and smiles- which is very contagious.And two- cos you are here to read my blog and you better read this post too… : )Well… It all started in 9 standard- the usual questions- WHAT NEXT???From when I was a kid, computers have fascinated me; and as I went about with a snooty air, telling everyone I was to become a ‘software engineer’, when half of my friends did not even know how it is spelt, everyone thought that my choicee would be ‘COMPUTERS’.But hell NO!!! I did not want to be stuck with emotionless machines, however super- advanced they might be! No no… I won’t and I can’t have a career which requires major interaction with machines alone… I need people…live, moving, interacting people… give them something… make them happy… That’s when I got this really mind-blowing teacher who was a rare mixture of talent and friendliness. She took English for us and decided my career for me- “JOURNALISM it is! You’ll go places!” she said(NO EXAGGERATION!) Tentatively I thought it was a great idea. Come on… I’ve toyed with a million professions in my mind- doctor, forensic expert, detective, teacher, etc. Now, why not journalism? But somehow, something was not in place. I know that nothing could satisfy me more than writing. Money flow was not a problem. I love money but I have a passion for writing, which is more important. So even if I’m payed anything, it’s not really going to matter. But well, I could write ANY DAY… do journalism even later! Now that was the glitch! That did it. I began to look out for different careers… Architecture- that’s when the word caught my eye! I always wanted to build a library, and still do! A personal library with no private lending… Now if I do this course, I can build it MYSELF! Every inch of its design would be handled by me… ah what pleasure… I could build dreams… mine, others… for the progeny to come and look at what their past once was-reflected in its buries landscapes and skylines- with stories written, not on leaves of paper- but on bricks and mortar! I could leave a mark on this world- not only in the form of books I KNOW I’ll publish sometime in the future; but also in the form of footprints across the country or maybe the world- little buildings, big buildings, homes, offices, hotels, maybe castles… Oh what joy! I DECIDED I wanted to be an architect. The world around me raised eyebrows. A GIRL? An ARCHITECT? I laughed, the feminist that I am-“Why NOT? Why NOT a GIRL? Why not ARCHITECTURE?” I challenged!“You spend a lot during the course. After hat you earn less. Takes a lot of time to settle down and earn a name in the field…,” an architect relative gently pointed out.“ I DON’T CARE. Recognition can come only if I do well. I can do well only if I’m passionate about my work. I am PASSIONATE about ARCHITECTURE…” I screamed. The fire was raging within me. Little rain drops couldn’t dream of quelling it.My family, which was not too supportive of journalism, now felt that was far better a choice.

I refused to listen…

“STUBBORN… ADAMANT…” I was crowned with these words from friends, teachers and family alike.

4 years passed…Slowly my family got used to my idea. They were still worried that their girl would be trampled in a men’s world. I showed them the photos of girl university rank holders…They feared I would die of hard work. I showed them I would enjoy hard work if it is work that I like… They were frightened their girl would regret her decision.Now I scream loud- I DON’T!!! I NEVER CAN!My mother supported me, comforted me and helped me convince the rest. They saw how passionate I was about adding the B.Arch degree after my name and they lent their support! The Aptitude test came and went… I had gone for classes to hone my drawing skills. I did well. I secured a good rank, but missed the college I wanted by two ranks. I looked above and felt like cursing God. Why me? Why did you support me all along and then let me down? I picked a different college apprehensively. Now… 8 months and 5 days into the course, with just the semester exams left for me to step into Year 2 of B.Arch, I declare that I’ve NEVER made a better decision in life… Every second I draw a line with my T-Scale, every minute I discuss my designs of toilets and snack bars and residences, a deep sense of contentment wells within. Yes, work is hectic and tiring… sleep is few hours only… keeping in touch with friends, relatives, blogging, music, movies etc is difficult, but somehow I’m managing… fevers, headaches, weakness are a regular now. But still I’m HAPPY!!! Is that not what we want from life- contentment at what we do? I LOVE LIFE and I LOVE MYSELF. I LOVE ARCHITECTURE…I Feel Blithe…

Sometimes such a laziness sets in you that all you feel like is to cup your face on your palms and, look out dreamily and spin little wisps of thoughts.Hmmm… a lazy contentment… an inexplicable throb of pleasure…a sudden miss of a heartbeat…a bloom of a smile…a long forgotten thought gushes…a flood of emotion rushes…a momentary pause…a dear one thought…a silent suppressed giggle…a sudden happy tingle…a melt in the heart…a blush rises up…a sudden glow…thoughts of the past…dreams that bloomed…dreams that didn’t…friends forgot…memories return…haunt me for a time…back to present…a look at my handful…a smug relief…dreams of future…starry hopes…a magical beginning…many wonderful reveries…a renewed vigour…a sudden interest…to capture the dreams…to reach the pinnacle…to sip glory…to flourish and fly… ah my dreams are taking wings… I open them…flutter…and begin to fly…

All the sky is mineAnd all that’s beyond.My life seems enchantedDrenched in a dream songI am out to work and conquerAnd fill my days with blossomsOf renewed hopes and ties!

I am a victorI cannot fallI hope, I dream, I conquerThe sun just yonder, will soon rise tall…And spread the rays of The MasterBeneath; on humanity-all!

The world will gape my power,The world shall love and praise.All the world’s at my feet,Victory fills my days.

A sudden look at the skyA sudden budding hope.All doubts vanish in a second,A miracle sows its crop…

May 10, 2005

This life needs a purpose… now now don’t start groaning guys, I’m not going to lecture you at all!

Yeah… so where was I? Hmmm… this life needs a purpose. Some goal… people need to know one lived here one’s years.Now how can we achieve it? I sat and wondered about this for a while and came to this conclusion… or rather… these conclusions!*Be a philanthropist- well it is impossible for me to be society oriented at so young an age.*Be a terrorist- well, naan Mahathma Gandhiji mannle porandhu, idhellam epdi pannuven?*Be a genius- porakkum bodhe geniusa porandhrukkanum. Now too late…*Leave behind something that no one has ever left behind- Ah… whattan idea! Reconsider point 3…Now every Anita, Asma, Agnes( yes… the female version of Amar, Akbar, Anthony!) leaves behind books, music or antiques. So, all ruled out cos Sandhya here likes to be different!So whattu do? I asked myself.The bulb glowed…Leave behind so many things that people will remember you as the greatest collector in the world.I remember my amma telling me that appa wanted me to be an IAS officer initially. Andha collector aga interest illa. Seri appavodu aasaiya en keduppaanenu indha maadhri collector ayitten!From then began my life’s ambition, goal, aim- whatever you may call it ( My mom prefers the word ‘Rubbish’though!)From stamps, to coins with feathers and stones in between, I collect EVERYTHING!Hmmm… let me begin… I collect the letters me and my cousin write to each other every time someone comes from her house to mine or vice versa, other letters written by my friends and teachers- sometimes on nice scented papers( ah… how Victorian I feel…) and at others on postcards and scraps of papers-all carrying loving enquiries and chatpata gup-shup!Then comes my ‘star-struck’ collection. I’ve told you about my habit of collecting photos, articles and snippets from the newspaper, right? Yeah… this is what I’m talking about. Ever since my hands caressed a newspaper, all stuff I’ve liked in it, I’ve cut out and stashed it for future reveling. Sudhish’s articles, Rahul stuff( wait wait… there’s a whole para about it comingup), Madhavan, Shah Rukh,Aftaab, Kajol, Aamir, etc’s photos comprise this collection. I used to like Aishwarya Rai once and still have a 60 photo collection. I have an Alai Payuthey collection, though I can’t find it :( ! Then I have this large cricket trump card collection. A one trump WWF collection. I actually do sit with it every year and look through them again. If ever somebody doesn’t find an article in the Hindu archives, pl contact me.RDX- no no… nothing to be frightened of! I’m not a terrorist as I already made it clear. But yeah, I do possess some explosive materials( other than my charms, of course!)! A humungous collection of photos, articles, an autograph, an album of my meeting him, a CD of few of his photos and even an audio cassette with a little recording of his voice- ah I own them all. My collection of 6 years… one of patience and reverence! I have some 600 odd photos and stuff now. At this rate, I sure am gonna create a world record! Hopefully, I’ll meet him again then… Rahul Dravid eXtraordinary- that’s RDX for you!Books- I buy ‘em in loads, but lend them nay! I keep them in ‘my shrine’- a shelf which is the only neat niche of mine in the whole house, where I stock this lifelong priceless treasures… I keep a record of them and one day plan to build a library and have the world’s greatest personal collection! Another Guiness record, I guess!Cassettes- I declare all the money I save goes to buying cassettes and books. I adore Rahman’s music. They transport me to a different elevated plane… I have a good collection and I think, other than Harish- THE greatest Rahman fan in the world, I’m the next best at worshipping him.Speaking about music... I also have this book called- 'Lyrics for the incurably music mad'- which safeguards my favourite song lyrics between its covers. My mom decided that this proved the heights of my craziness and guess how I proved her wrong? I wrote the tamil songs in tamil, hindi ones in hindi and escaped saying this way i get to learn languages!!!If you still think I’m quite normal with my collection… well, patience they say is a great virtue, and you just failed in exerting it!!! I collect old greeting cards, stones( they are heaped in ‘Harmony’- a creative corner on my table), sea shells of every possible hues, pista shells, friendship band( I can start a shop with it man!), Sportstar posters( I have posters of unknown people, at least unknown to me! Boxing stars, squash players, etc… and I ended up using these posters to cover my XII reference books, he he! My mom was relieved!), Movie cds, rakhis, autographs( A.R.Rahman, Rahul Dravid, Rajni Kanth, Gangai Amaran, Prabhu deva, Revathy,Kris Srikhanth among others!), wooden sticks, feathers( got a whole bunch from a ‘kozhi pannai’ of my relative!), memories of every event that took place( my first bus ticket, train ticket, my LKG rhymes book, all my writings- christened ‘trish-trash’, certificates for a family show I organized but never did, etc etc…), quotes and in my computer I have stored most of all the blogs I’ve visited… all their writings, all the photos I take using my Digi Cam( there’s a whole collection called ‘Sandhya and her kakas shot on my terrace!), e-mails of my dear ones ,chocolate wrappers, school sand, wooden sticks and leaves from my favourite tree(‘Old lady with Green Fingers’-a neem tree), dried flowers gifted by Greeshma on my birthday and a lot lot more…I’ve told you only half of it! I’ll run out of blog space if I continue… So now, don’t you agree I am one awesome collector?Hmmm… This life needs a purpose…And I’ve got mine!