While thinking all the thoughts all the time

On what really matters

I am finding it hard to write at the moment. I have been overwhelmed by topics that feel too big for my mouth, that cloud my eyes with a sea of rage, that can’t be tamed. The myriad of topics that I want to write about are so large, and so important, but they just overwhelm me. They demand that I write honestly, and speak my truth, but ……

I want to talk to you about privilege. I want to talk to you about Orlando. I want to write about why #Blacklivesmatter matters. I want to talk to you about sexism and bullying and depression and war, and terror and politics and capitalism. I want to tell you about births and women who are strong beyond measure. I want to write about disability and human rights and gender identity and sexuality. I want to talk about Brexit, about Trump, about that global warming issue that hasn’t gone away and about vaccination. I want to scream about #Metoo and #timesup. About the oscars, the grammys and the goddamn tee shirts I keep buying to make a pointed statement

The patriarchy isn’t going to smash itself .

Equal rights for other does not mean less rights for you. It’s not pie.

The midwives refused to obey.

When they beat me down.

I stood up.

I want you to know that even when things aren’t happening right here in our backyard, they still matter. I want to tell you that our back yard is everywhere. I am angry about wasted lives. I am so lost in this sea of awful things, that I can’t find a way to start the conversation.

I feel like this world that we live in is sitting on a precipice, like change is coming…. but I don’t know what change it will be, and I don’t know if we are ready for the consequences. People feel like they are on the verge of making an irrevocable choice, and I am scared of the flow on effect of that. I feel out of my depth. I feel overwhelmed. I feel nervous and jumpy and stretched thin, like the air is too cool to comfortably breathe, like the ground is softer than it should be, like there is nothing to stand on, nothing to stand for.

I feel disconnected in this world of workplace bullying, judgement, abortion law in the crimes act, babies dying because of bureaucracy, mentally ill patients referred to as people with “Social issues”. We all have social issues. We all struggle. But this is not good enough!

We have a pregnant prime minister. She wants to make change. She is making it by literally breathing. Meanwhile, this week, this month, this year, people have died for lack of recognition of poverty, mental illness, illness while pregnant, bad luck, bad judgement,poor funding and awful leadership up and down our great nation.