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Sunday, April 25, 2010

I finally did it! I finally crossed the hurdle! I made it through! Yippie! I cant hide my happiness. My joys. Oh the feeling! Its so great!

I finally had my operation done. The Orchidectomy. My two balls are gone! I could never be happier. Yea? That sounds surreal right? Someone talking about losing their balls (no pun intended) and they say they're happy. Well if youve been reading this blog then you do know that I have been saying I will or intend to do it for quite a while now. It was like an obsession. I took time because it had to sink in. I had to know the ins and outs about what the hell I was doing. I had to be sure about exactly what I was getting myself into.

How did it go? Well, I got to the hospital and changed. I filled out the necessary forms and all and then headed to the operating room. OMG! That room was huge! And I wasn't alone. It felt weird being naked even though I had the overalls on. It felt weird being without my breast enhancers and infront of strangers. I didn't know how they'd react. Good thing was that they were really nice about everything and even the assistant made a joke about it saying “now I see why you didn't want to remove your bra...” and he was smiling when saying this.

I was immediately dosed with general anasthesia and fell asleep right there and then. Everything went well and after about an hour and a half I woke up still feeling groggy and having some pains around my groin area. Its still there even now (5 days later) but its far less painful. The doctor made a small vertical inscision down my scrotal tissue and pulled out the balls and cut them off. The cause of the groin pain is because of the pulled ends of the 'lines' that held the balls. They receded into my body and formed a 'ball-like' thing around there and thats what is causing the pain.

So thats how it went. Why did I do it? I did it primarily because I wanted to save myself some cash! See, with my testes still in place, my body is laden with lots of testosterone and we all know that the primary source of that is the testes. So get rid of the testes and you get rid of the testosterone! Had I not done the op, I would be still taking anti-androgens and a lot higher doses of estrogen pills. Now that I have done it, and oh by the way, remember I kept complaining how I still haven't found those estrogen pills? I finally found them! So now that I have the Progynova (estradiol valerate) and I have done the op, I only need a small dose of the estrogen! About half or even less than what I would have required to take before! In essence, looking at an average span of two years, the no-Orchie method whould have cost me about Ksh.200,000 ($2,600) while now, just paying for the orchie (which cost me about Ksh.90,000 or $1,200) and the significantly reduced estrogen pills, the whole thing in two years will be roughly Ksh.103,000 or $1,375 !!! Imagine that! I shall be saving about Ksh.100,000 in the process! Of course thats not the sole reason, but it is one of the primary ones.

There are a whole spectrum of pros and cons about this op I did bur I will not go ahead and tell you in detail, I shall only list a few.

Bilateral Orchiectomy (also know as “an Orchi”)
- this is an out-patient surgical procedure for the removal of the testicals.

Benefits for Trans Women:

Removes the main production center of Testosterone in the body

Anti-Androgens can be significantly reduced or stopped entirely after the procedure. This reduces stress on the liver, and eliminates the side effects of long term Anti-Androgen use.

Because of the lack of testosterone, a break in hormones will not cause back tracking, or de-transitioning.

Can halt and/or reverse recent hair loss.

Possible lessening of dysphoria, and increased body image.

Increased ease in tucking and hiding genitalia under tight clothing.

Possible reduction of testosterone dependant body hair

Possible increase of feminizing effects from HRT

Cost of surgery is between $1,300 –$ 2,000 USD in most states. (updated 2008) this is a significantly easier amount to save than the $10,000 – $30,000 for SRS.

Negatives for Trans Women

Permanent Sterility

Possible loss of libido

Possible hot flashes or other hormonal side effects.

If SRS is not completed shortly after, the scrotal tissue may shrink and atrophy, resulting in a possible need for a skin graft during SRS.

Scar tissue may complicate SRS if the incision is done improperly.

After having an Orchi one will require hormone treatments to maintain levels.

Surgery always has its risks, including blood clots, infections, or other unforeseen complications.

The $1,300 could have been used instead to save for SRS.

Its now about 6 days after the surgery and I am still kinda sore. Am healing well (hopefully) and I must say, I do feel so much happier! So much better and I just cannot wait foe the new results to show! I simply cannot wait. I am still shaving my face after every two days and thats one of the things I sincerely hope reduces or better still, vanishes completely!

Wish me the best my friends! Thanks for being there for me and for all the support. I couldn't be this good without you!

Friday, April 9, 2010

I dont exist. I am an alien. An outcast. A nobody. I have nothing to my name. Well, legally that is. See, here in Kenya, we transsexuals have absolutely no laws for or against us specifically, here I say specifically because we are humans yes, but its practically stops there.
All my identification documents, my school documents and basically anything that bears my legal name, I cannot just simply claim. For me to claim them, I have to launch an extended explanation about oh this and that and begin long and unwinding conversations about how demonic I am and oh that cwap! Cant handle it.

Luckily, there is a way to change something in my ID card: my name! I want to begin that process ASAP and see what gives. Hoping for the best! :)

p.s. I went to my doctor and boy oh girl that price meeen! I wonder how I shall handle it. Well, lets see how it will go. I really have to go through with that orchi. I know that it will save me tons of money in the long run seeing that I want to reduce my medicine intake as much as possible and hey!, the orchi way is more than half cheaper in the long run!

Whoohoo! Cant wait. Will tell you about the surgery and all. Keep checking!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Nowadays I hear that phrase quite often. I am getting used to it and more so the pronouns. I had mentioned about this before but, just so stress my point, here is a whole blog post dedicated to it.

I go to the supermarket and there the attendees are nice to me “Madam nikusaidie aje?” How can I help you madam? Its so nice! Some of you may think I am getting in over my head or making a big deal over nothing but, I mean, for me, knowing all too well my past and of knowing that I never used to be referred to as such, it gives me such exhilarated feeling whenever someone refers me as such. Simply, feels good! Makes you know inside that its happening. I am actually living the life I have been dreaming about.

When the people close to me, mostly my family and friends who stuck around me, refer to me as 'she' or 'her' it feels really nice. This means that they are internalizing the idea and that its getting easier for them to refer to me as such. I simply love it! You cant help but appreciate it.

I guess this is what most people call 'passing' since I seem to do that very well. Imagine, on about three or four occasions, a former colleague of mine has passed right infront of me, even glancing towards me or rather looking at me and has (seemingly) not recognised me at all! I find that astounding considering that I myself still see me as the same, albeit the hair and make-up! All in all, that must mean something. It must mean that I am making lots of progress. I am happy.

p.s. I cant wait to see an article on a daily paper that is coming out soon. I am told it will be a feature story about Intersexuality and Transsexualism in Kenya and based on a recent workshop that was held here in Nairobi. I am also told that it has stories of intersex and transsexual persons in kenya. It will be a first of its kind. I simply cant wait to see it!