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Self Acceptance

There are an endless number of healthy reasons why someone may seek out a personal trainer; however, the reasons for wanting to engage in exercise are not always healthy, and the signs and symptoms of eating disorders are not detectable by the majority of fitness professionals when compared to medical professionals (Manley, O'Brien, & Samuels, 2008).

It didn’t start out as an eating disorder. If you had asked me back then, I would have never admitted to having one. I was a collegiate athlete, studying health…there was no way I would allow something so terrible to ravage my body. I needed my body, and so did my teammates.

You learn to live a life half alive. Merely existing amongst the living. Entrenched within your own mind, spinning a weave of angst and uncertainty. Making more problems for yourself than there really are. Wandering, unaware of the beauty that surrounds you, kind words being spoken to you and how your body is shouting within to notice the damage you are causing. It’s breaking, and you don’t care. This place is dark and blurry and the only thing that comes to mind daily is “When is all this pain going to end?”

It is impossible to articulate just how challenging the days with my eating disorder were, and to remember all the various roadblocks to overcome. It is equally as challenging when preparing for a speaking event to know what type of information would be the most helpful, and what people need to hear. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me because of my experience; I want them to learn, and act, and change.

Last June, I hit a milestone in my life with the celebration of my 40th birthday. Since then, it has been an interesting 7 months or so of reflection, soul searching, tears, and pondering how I am going to spend the next half plus years of my life. American actress Jane Fonda describes aging as having 3 acts, just like a theatre play (for more details check out her TEDTalk). I like that way of labeling these transitions of aging. I suppose that being 40 puts me in Act II of my life, where I have developed a keen desire to understand myself better, to find my life’s purpose (yes, I’m still searching), and to ultimately live up to my potential (whatever that may be). But in the corner of my mind, while I reflect on the meaning and next steps in my life, lurking in the shadows are some familiar voices – those damn eating disorder thoughts.

So often we discuss body image, weight preoccupation, and eating disorders as issues that affect girls and women. However, when you take a closer look, through research, clinical cases, or through discussion with boys and men, it’s very clear that these issues are not exclusive to one particular gender. Throughout my pregnancy, I often thought about how I would promote a positive body image and healthy eating attitudes in my son. I never thought of difficulties in these areas as “girl problems.” As a new mom, I continue to reflect on the topics of body image, self-esteem, and eating related issues, and I’m already trying to put some positive practices into place. Thus, as this EDAW has come to an end, I’d like to share a letter I wrote for my son, with the hope that others will be inspired to share similar messages with the boys and men in their lives.

Even for individuals who have not been affected by eating disorders, there is an impulse to stay with what is comfortable and familiar. A comfort zone is a safe place to be; but no major growth ever happens there. In order to truly grow and strengthen your recovery, it is critical to continue to challenge yourself on a regular basis, whether it’s trying new restaurants, facing “fear or trigger foods”, being more flexible with exercise, taking rest-days, or resisting the urge to engage in food rituals.

Dieting. It’s so seductive. It gives us hope, the promise of weight loss and happiness. But, by now you know it just doesn’t deliver. (If your personal experience isn’t enough to convince you, review my post during NEDIC’s 2015 International No Diet Day campaign: Diets. Don't. Work. Body Trust Does.)

Long gone are the days where editing your photos simply means applying an Instagram filter to them (and until recently I thought of this as being pretty advanced). The use of Photoshop has always seemed like some kind of magic reserved for professional use on models, actresses, and singers. Anyone who has ever received any media literacy education knows of the dangers that can come from comparing ourselves to these fabricated images.

Imagine if a dear friend was going through a difficult time dealing with a personal failure in their life. How would you comfort them? You would probably not criticize or blame them for making a mistake.. Instead, when responding to a friend whom you care very much about, you would most likely provide them with empathy and kindness.

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About this blog

Read about how real life experiences impact self-concept and body image. Writers reflect a diversity of opinions and perspectives.

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