Little guitarist: I can play Titanic without the music now. I'm going to play it at my grandma's funeral.

Me: *getting ready to be sympathetic*

Little guitarist: She's not dead yet.

Me: Ohhh...

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Two Yr 3 guitarists: Can we look at your violin, Miss?

Me: As long as you're careful, yes.

Guitarists: *impressed* It looks very old.

Me: It's not really. Sometimes, with new violins, with the good ones, they just make them so they look old.

Guitarists: Is that so people will think they're broken and not steal them?

Me: Um...

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Why do they make new violins so they look old? I realise now that I have no idea! And if I ever meet the grandma of that first guitarist I won't know what to say to the poor woman. 'I know what's going to be played at your funeral...' I suppose that's better than 'Are you not dead yet?'

It could be worse. I could be in charge of the Infants' Nativity play.