Tonight was date #4 with the lovely guy that I’ve been catching up with. Being the romantic that I am I was fine with taking things slow but I had been wondering why we hadn’t kissed yet. Tonight I found out why. He really wants a relationship but he’s not ready for one. It turns out he really likes meeting new people and he’s also hanging out with a couple of other guys as well. Now I know that’s not uncommon but I feel like an arse.

The logical side of me knows that this has nothing to do with me and I’m trying to encourage that side of me right now but old habits die hard and the other side of me is thinking that once again, I wasn’t enough. Many many times in the past I’ve been told by guys that they aren’t ready to date anyone after a breakup or some other disastrous event in life, only to see through a facebook status or hear from friends a few weeks later that they have met the man of their dreams. I can pretty much guarantee now that this guy will meet Mr Right and somewhere inside I’ll be happy for him but that place inside might be a bit hard to find at first.

Update: I know we weren’t betrothed and we were just getting to know each other but I think it’s a bit confusing to call them “dates” if we are really just hanging out as friends. We will continue to hang out from time to time but I’m certainly not going to hang around like one of those tragic single ladies on the Bachelor waiting for some guy to give me a rose when he decides he can be bothered.

Mr Right always seems to appear from nowhere and when you are least expecting it. Or, you could always fly over to the UK and meet me :). On second thoughts – I’ll come there as I have had enough of rain and more rain!

I agree with the above commentors and I want to gently add another perspective… it’s only four dates, some times it takes a while. Love doesn’t only happen at first sight and one can not really always know for sure in just four dates. When I was dating, I was always put off by the ones that wanted to rush things, be exclusive right away, or couldn’t relax because they were ticking things off their list of potential partners list. It was too much pressure and not enough easy joyful times. I didn’t read where this guy said you were… Read more »

I just celebrated 15 years with Sergio yesterday, but I didn’t think of us as dating until we’d been together for 2 months. Not sure what date # that was. I was also “dating” other guys during that period although I quickly lost interest as I got to know Sergio better.

Not sure if their are parallels btwn me and the gentleman you are writing about, but I’d figure I’d share that with you.

You really need to stop focusing on “the one.” Focusing on it makes you myopic and will cause you to push away people that may actually be the one had you given it a chance. So what if this guy is not looking for anything right at the moment, you are still friends and it is still fun to hang out with him. So hang out with him in the same manner. He might turn out to be the one, he might not be the one. But hanging out with this guy without the worries will change how others perceive… Read more »

Brenton, wonder if you may have been sending the same signals that your friend is sending? Like you wondered why there had not been a kiss, and I wonder is he was thinking the same? If neither of you make a move, then maybe both of you are thinking “he’s not that into me” or are worried about it not working? Taking it slow is a wonderful way to start a relationship, but a kiss on the second date is a justifiable way to test the water! I hope the above does not come across as harsh, as it’s not… Read more »

I really understand the whole FaceBook status change, back before the internet hit, you know the 90’s, we used voice mail personals, and for a while my ad stared with:

“Want to meet the man of your dream…date me first.”

I had a lot of “fun” met a guy that found someone permanent while we where dateing and we 3 where at a coffee shop doing silly shit and on my way out some guy called me over, we chatted and he became the trick that didn’t go home for 8 years 11 months and 19 days.

I think your mistake is that you…feel like an arse – why? Sounds as if he wants to move along at a much slower pace than you do – but who’s to say that even if you are both also changing your direction of travel from time to time you won’t end up at the same destination?

I genuinely don’t mean to kick you when you’re down. Hell, it’s clear that I don’t know you – other than the persona from your blog. But, have you ever considered that even the most inadvertent or unconscious of inconsistencies could come across as somehow being ‘fake’ – which in itself is off-putting? For instance: you profess to admire inner / ‘real’ day-to-day beauty – yet your entire blog and what we’ve seen of your portfolio only focus on an idealised, unreal ‘hyper-beauty’ (i.e. not what 99% of the population conform to). Likewise, your seemingly try to portray yourself as… Read more »