Teaching Your Toddler How to Be a Good Playmate Video Transcript

You toddler's got playing down pat — but can she play nice with others? Learn how you can help her make playdate playmates with this friendly advice from Heidi Murkoff.

Hi, I’m Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

Are you the parent of a young toddler? Then you’re probably your child’s favorite playmate. You wouldn’t trade that for anything. But you may also be wondering when she’ll start playing — or rather, start playing nicely — with other kids?

Right now she’s likely ignoring her peers — except to grab a toy at playgroup, or shove another tot at the playground, or maybe throw some sand. Or even throw a playdate punch.

Is this typical toddler behavior? You bet it is. And believe it or not, it’s also how little kids learn about friendships. As her parent — and her best role model — you can help your child learn the social skills she needs to make friends.

Encourage sharing by asking your child to give you a turn with her toy. Play with it for a minute, then hand it back, saying: “Thank you, now it’s your turn.” Very slowly, but surely, she’ll start to get the idea: Sharing makes playing more fun.

Give your little budding buddy lots of chances to interact with other kids. At first she’ll just play alongside them, not so much with them. That’s called parallel play. But as she approaches age three, she’ll start to enjoy group play. She might even be willing to share a toy or take a turn — once in a while.

Sure, all that togetherness — combined with a toddler’s poor impulse control and primitive social skills — will inevitably lead to squabbling, hitting, and pushing. Just the behaviors you’re trying to avoid.

But don’t give up on those playdates or playgroups. Learning how to share and take turns takes practice — and the more practice she has the better.

To minimize playmate spats, be sure there are always enough toys to go around. Don’t make your toddler share her most special toys —put those away before playdates. And play games that encourage teamwork and sharing, like rolling the ball to each other, ring-around-the-rosie, or hide-and-seek. Or set the kids up with markers and a giant sheet of paper.

You’ll still need to stay close and intervene if a fight breaks out. Your best bet in that case: Separate the combatants and redirect them to a new game, read them a story, or suggest a snack.

And one day —one day soon — you just may be able to sit back and watch your toddler and her friends play together — nicely.

I’m Heidi Murkoff and that’s what to expect. For this and other baby and toddler information, visit What to Expect.com.