Am I A Lousy Communicator?

Before we go deeper into this journey, I want you to take a moment to ponder on this. In fact, say it out loud to yourself:

COMMUNICATION is wealth.

Communication IS wealth.

Communication is WEALTH.

We will come back to this later, but keep it in the back of your mind.

I began Dan’s High Ticket Closer transformation in the end of January. I was under the assumption that I would just take the course, learn what I needed and start making tons of money. Needless to say, that wasn’t the case.

I was surprised there were a handful of people who were getting kicked out. I wondered why people would invest in something and suddenly be forced to leave. I later learned that they were ‘bad apples’, constantly criticizing, moaning, complaining, whining, and bitching about small things and showing signs of creating a toxic environment. I told myself that as long as I don’t become anything like them and I remain a good student, listen, be coach-able and compliant, interact nicely with the other mentees, I will be able to stay and excel.

(As to keep a fog of mystery and not spoil the journey for anyone, I won’t give much detail to how the transformation is set up.)

I heard of many of the concepts and lessons related to money, psychology, productivity, action taking, and communication. It was easy to understand and, me being an inspiration and profoundness junkie, I loved everything that was being said and the way it was being said. This was simply a review of the material I already knew, just said in a way that resonated with me.

Direct, not sugar-coated, pure truth.

I never knew how much I secretly enjoyed business and psychology. I also didn’t realize how interrelated these topics were. I came from the experience and idea that business is tough and you need to put in so much work and time just to not become an employee for someone else.

My understanding and experience of business was wide but shallow, and my understanding and experience of psychology was deep but narrow.

This leads me to another segway but first…

I want to quickly ask you four questions:

Have you ever done something with an optimistic mindset?

What was your ultimate purpose of doing that?

How long did you immerse yourself for?

What were the results you obtained?

If you refer to my previous post, you know that I’ve dabbled in a handful of ventures to make money and secure my family and partner. I tried so many things thinking it would work since I’ve seen others have great success. I thought to myself that with my fervor, drive, and intention, I could do it in a handful of months before I saw some results.

Putting in half my day to learn and figure things out, months passed. Still no outcome. So what did I do? I counted my losses and move on. (This adage is understandable to a handful of situations; this isn’t one of them.)

It’s amazing what a mind in scarcity will say in order to justify the choices made:
‘This isn’t for me’, ‘I’ll find something even better’, ‘There’s no money to be made in this, the others just got lucky’, ‘The market is saturated already’, ‘It’s too hard’, ‘It’s probably a scam’ …and those are just the ones that I can remember.

In retrospect, how can a person ever succeed with fulfillment when these are the thoughts that occupy the mind? How can someone who wants to help others and be an inspiration to others deliver value when their mind fosters so much doubt and fear? Do you honestly believe people in positions of authority, power, and play a role in other’s personal development can afford to pass on these kinds of cognitions to their followers and devotees? Surely it has happened in the past, see the results of those kinds of leaders and see how they live their lives.

Going back to “Communication is wealth”…

What you tell others is obviously important as it affects your environment, but from where that comes from matters even more. What dictates the words you use with others is the quality of what you tell yourself; your internal dialogue.

It’s simple to preach big words and advice, then tell yourself you’re doing something great for others by doing so, but take a good hard look at yourself: how are you behaving with yourself? Are you practicing what you preach? Or are you simply regurgitating what you heard because it sounds pleasing and gets positive reactions? Is that what it takes for you to feel good about yourself?

Do you genuinely have conviction and certainty in yourself and what you’re saying?

When you talk to their family and friends, are you really expressing how you feel and what you think? Even if you are, is it getting through to others? Is your point and case really being felt and understood?

What I found to be the most profound is that in the deepest depths in the mind, it’s the same people who actually feel extreme guilt, anger, or self-hatred towards themselves and in their internal dialogue say things like, ‘I don’t deserve this’, ‘I’m not good enough’ ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I’m not smart or strong or good looking enough’, ‘I’m nothing like that person’, ‘I couldn’t do it before, how can I do it now?’, ‘I don’t know if I can do it’, ‘I’m naturally introverted/stupid/shy…’, that preach the most of all. The worst justification is that they consider themselves ‘humble.’

The biggest takeaway I got from this was that people with low self-image not only have a hard time communicating, they tend to also be bad listeners.

People who have a hard time getting their message understood by others similarly don’t get the message others try to give them. They try to scream their message at the other person but still they don’t get it, resulting in fights, debates, quarrels, arguments, even grudges. Finally, they create some sort of justification as to why they don’t understand and end up judging both themselves and the listener. They will say, ‘Clearly, I knew better than this person’, but that’s simply not the case.

How do I know all this? Because this was all me.

Before listening to Dan seriously, I was 100% guilty of doing, saying, thinking, and believing all of this. I wanted to be heard and acknowledged, praised, complimented, seen as someone intelligent and influential, someone worth listening to. I wanted to be the person that knew everything because in my self-worth wallet, that’s all I had.

This was my way of coping with the fact that I didn’t feel good enough, that I was worthless as a son, partner, team member, student, human being. Whatever I wanted to be and do, I couldn’t commit because my lower self kept repeating phrases that were laced with self-denial, self-hatred and self-doubt. There was so much baggage and fear that I overlooked.

After my transformation, am I 100% over this feeling? No. A lot of it has subsided, but reprogramming yourself takes time. Moreover, my awareness has improved significantly. Of course, it’s still in development. How else do you undo over 20 years of terrible programming?

However, with this increased awareness, I can recognize the actions, behaviors, and words of those because I lived that life of nonsense. More importantly, I can notice when these ideas are active because they will be present in my talk, walk, behavior, thoughts, words, and anything that comes out of me.

How can anyone who communicates this way ever achieve a life of wealth and fulfillment? How can they ever be able to come from a place of abundance and help others?

Before you can influence others, you must change the communication software that you run on.

It takes time and it won’t be enough to change everything.

However, it’s the first step of building the foundation to discover what you truly are.

I’ll leave you all with these two videos.

This second video includes 10 minutes of affirmations that you tell yourself out loud. Even if you don’t think it has any effect on your psychology, try telling yourself these phrases and see how much resistance you face.

If you get any value out of this or profound moments, I’d love for you to share your insights.

In addition to more posts, I am leaving an open invitation to talk to anyone about where in their life they feel stuck. Perhaps we can have a conversation or I can even address it in a future post. I want to add as much value to people as I can and destroy my lower self.