Monday, March 3, 2008

Pregnancy. Sucks.

You know? It just really, really does. And this is supposed to be the honeymoon period, isn't it? Where you revel in second-trimester glowiness, free of the first-trimester barf-exhaustion-anxiety trifecta and not yet at the third-trimester combo of intense fatigue and just-so-sick-of-this-ness? Why didn't I get me some of that? Somehow, I managed to land myself in a second trimester that has been marked by dizziness and fainting and boob rashes and mood swings. (Yes, I am still crumpling to the floor, even having put myself on a strict diet of iron-rich everything grilled in a cast-iron skillet followed by iron-supplements chased with iron-enriched soy milk. Which means that I have to go back to the doctor for more probes, which, you know, SUCKS, and have I mentioned about the suckage?)

Which, come to think of it: I'm not even in my second-trimester anymore. I am in my third trimester oh my hell. What happened? Where did my honeymoon period go, why wasn't I there to enjoy it and what is up with my brain cells that I can't even keep track of how far along I am?

Am going to back to bed. Will catch up with you all later when I am not so fucking whiny and full of miserableness. And when, maybe, I can say something more substantive than 'I suck at this.' (Although perhaps not quite so substantive as last week's 80's-pop-obsession-with-nuclear-war-fueled-my-teen-angst post, which really made the crickets sing. Which, you know, I totally get.) Anyway. Maybe I'll have a fig newton, and then go back to bed. You know, so that I can wake up later all cheerful and go-get-'em and shit. I'll be better company then.

(A question, though, totally sincere-like: is it just seriously bad mojo to be miserable in pregnancy? Am I sending all of my bitchy-vibes directly down through my blood stream and into my uterus where they are toxifying the fetal environment? And, is this all evidence of my general weakness as a human being? Why can I not do this without complaining, loudly and interminably? Help?)

I distinctly remember hitting week 12 of my first pregnancy and feeling just as shitty as I had the week before. "Morning sickness ends at 12 weeks" MY FOOT. It just morphs into something else and something else and something else.

My first pregnancy was MISERABLE. I won't go into all the problems that occured, but honestly anything that could go wrong did. And it was a pregancy that we had tried for over a year to achieve, proceeded by 2 miscarriages. I should have been thrilled and excited and happy as a clam to be pregnant but I hated EVERY MINUTE of it. And I had such guilt for not being happy. What right did I have to complain?

But. When my son was born (after 36 hours of back labor, mind you) he was the easiest, sweetest baby on the planet. He ate every 4 hours from the first minute. And he ate quickly, taking less than 45 minutes. By 8 weeks old he was sleeping 6 to 8 hour stretches at night. It was awesome. And I feel like that was payback for the horrible pregnancy. That he knew he had tormented me enough in the proceeding 10 months and he had to be good once he was born.

So maybe that will happen for you!

(I won't tell you about my pregnancy with my second child though. And I don't have any idea what to think about this current pregnancy.)

You know why? Because it does suck. even with Pumpkinpie,w hen I had a pretty easy time of it, it still wasn't something I enjoyed. It's uncomfy and weird and alien, even if you have a not-bad pregnancy.

Adn this time? I'm wondering the same thing as you , because I am so miserable, I haven't been able to connect to this or be happy about it at all. I'm just hoping to get to where I can feel less miserable. Then maybe I can think about the rest. But meanwhile? If it all goes awry? I sure wouldn't have said this last time, but at least I wouldn't have to be pregnant and feeling like shite anymore.

You know why? Because it does suck. even with Pumpkinpie,w hen I had a pretty easy time of it, it still wasn't something I enjoyed. It's uncomfy and weird and alien, even if you have a not-bad pregnancy.

Adn this time? I'm wondering the same thing as you , because I am so miserable, I haven't been able to connect to this or be happy about it at all. I'm just hoping to get to where I can feel less miserable. Then maybe I can think about the rest. But meanwhile? If it all goes awry? I sure wouldn't have said this last time, but at least I wouldn't have to be pregnant and feeling like shite anymore.

A-freakin'-men to this post, sister. I am HATING this pregnancy. Just by-god hating it. I so excited for the second trimester and it's glowing skin, happy pregnancy orgasms, and crazy bursts of energy. Instead I got sciatica, terrible insomnia & mood swings, oh and did I mention I pee my pants when I cough if I'm not careful?

Hubby and I had talked about maybe having a nice big family. I have completely changed my tune on that one. Unless we adopt, or he takes a second wife. I so cannot imagine going through this again.

Every pregnancy is different, but I can't say that even the "good" ones are that much fun. Sure, it's great to plan for the baby and buy tiny garments and pick names, but after the first time, when you no longer have illusions about that perfect baby whose nose never runs, who never upchucks on your Sunday go-to-meeting clothes, and who sleeps at all times when not being actively displayed, there's not nearly as much anticipation and it's "ho-hum - crap, my ankles are swollen AGAIN".

That's a good pregnancy. They go from that to total horrors.

I personally feel that boys are harder to produce. I have never understood this, as the female is clearly the more advanced of the species, but everyone I know (and I myself) had harder times carrying and giving birth to boys.

I only had one boy, and it was a wretched pregnancy, followed by a 24 hour labor (after the girls took 8 and 4 hours to deliver!!!), but he was an angel. Until he was 16.

Having only been through one pregnancy, I can't give you much more than {hugs}, but I must know (as someone who can barely look at spinach without becoming constipated even though I eat my weight in fiber every day) - CAN YOU STILL POOP?

I'm so on your page. My 1st pregnancy I did have that 2nd trimester thing but the 2nd trimester thing does NOT HAPPEN if you already have a toddler running around. No ma'am. No extra energy, no extra patience, just extra fat, just in case.

I'm 33 weeks now and I am not reining it in anymore, any of it. I'm wearing very strange combinations of clothing, complaining willy-nilly and taking people up on their "oh, let me get that for you"s. Kind of the emotional equivalent of not sucking in the gut anymore. I'm in a much better mood because of it. Also, orange & chocolate fudge is helpful.

my thought, reading your post title as i sit here out of breath, not because i just ran a few miles or even up a flight of stairs but because i dared to eat just a little too much for lunch and my stomach is situated somewhere between my tits--is "why, yes, it does. it really does. you are correct." and my thought upon reading your final question is, i hated it the first time around, too, and i don't think all that venom and vitriol is what caused my son to have such dramatic psychological issues. nor do i think hating it this time around will cause #2 to have the same issues. luck of the draw, that one. and those women who claim to LOOOOOVE being pg? they're lying.

Not bad mojo, hopefully baby will be easy then since the pregnancy part sucked to high heaven for you.

As for forgetting how far along you are...ME TOO! I do it all the time. And I just had someone ask if I was in my second trimester and I said yes. Then I thought, no wait, I'm in my third now! If I didn't have the weeks written down on the calendar I'd never know how far along I was until the baby showed up.

(By the way, I'm one of those who like being pregnant. That's not to say that it doesn't have its suckitude moments, but I have an easier time than you so far.)

My second pregnancy sucked. And then it sucked some more. And I didn't even 'morning' sickness to contend with. And it sucked so much, it's *the* major negative factor for even considering another one...

I moved to a new town when I was just entering my second trimester. I was so stressed out and lonely and bitter and freaked out and all I could think about was how much I ALREADY sucked as a mother because I was doing god-knows-what kind of damage to my unborn child.

Tip: Don't google "Stress effects during pregnancy"

Keep on plugging away. Your honesty and wit and love as a mother come through and matter the most in my book.

Delurking to say anyone who tells you that your negative feelings will affect the baby has obviously never had a difficult pregnancy. Having experienced two pregnancies that scored really high on the suckiness scale I can say that both my children are generally pleasant and happy children. Don't add guilt to all the other crappy side effects of pregnancy you are dealing with. If only we had KNOWN pregnancy would be SO GLAMOROUS, right??? :)

Oh my socks. I had morning-noon-and-night sickness starting around six weeks. It (mostly) ended around twenty-six weeks...when the contractions started. Regular contractions, right up until the Little Mister was born. And I did not handle it well, I complained and I cried and I complained some more. And now I have the sweetest little boy you could possibly imagine. Unless he's teething he hardly ever cries. He "talks" a lot, but doesn't cry.

So. All that to say...don't worry about it! You aren't going your baby harm by complaining. I daresay you'd do more harm if you held it all in and completely stressed yourself out. But I don't really know that, it just seems logical to me. :)

I think you will be able to use this to keep from being put in a nursing home in 50 years...just print all of this out and save it to show your children what you had to go through. They should take care of you like a queen until the day you die.

I am in my second trimester too, and I have been waiting for the symptoms to go away. Nope, in fact, they are getting worse. I get sick if I don't eat every three hours and I feel fainty multiple times a day.

I have never had food aversions until now. Yesterday, I became disgusted at the mango slices in my salad and today it was the turkey breast lunch meat.

I think the placenta filters out bitchy vibes. I spent such a ridiculous amount of time crying, depressed and feeling sorry for myself in every possible way in my first pregnancy. I would blubber on to my husband (he of the saintly patience) about how unprepared I was to be a mother and then I would blubber more about blubbering and what a sad baby I was going to have. I have a wonderful and charming daughter who must have learned compassion from putting up with her mum for those first few months in utero.

In the meantime, complain away. It's the only time in our lives we have such free licence to do it, it seems.

I basked in every minute of my pregnancy with Bub - and then I gave birth to a very cranky baby. With the Pie, the pregnancy symptoms were exactly the same, but the novelty had worn off entirely, so I was much grumpier. The result? A happy, easy-going baby.

I am very sorry... I did give you a bit of grief about the iron thing... but here is the really important issues to remember

1: A first pregnancy has its charms... everything is new and exciting. A second? Not so much. And why? Not just because you have done it before, but because this time you are doing it with a toddler... or when I did it... still another infant.

2: How does the Sprout feel inside you? MonAnge was difficult and intense IN THE WOMB. She has not improved. Imelda? Sweet and cooperative. Always. No matter how lousy I felt, she was delightful...

There are moments. You know when you get to reflect on the life you are carrying, and the other kid is asleep or not running you ragged. For someone like me though who is all about the product and not the process I hate it all. Especially the probing.So fucking unfair. The dads should have to have their pants off in the delivery room at the very least.

Delurking to let you know (like the 33 before me) that you are not alone. I started a new job two weeks before I got pregnant and as soon as I found out I told my boss since clearly I wasn't the nice level headed woman she had hired but rather a bitchy sullen crazy person who ate constantly and seemed to run to the bathroom a lot. I figured if I didn't tell her she would just fire me. I would have.

Longtime lurker who never comments anywhere...but I just had to say thank god I'm not the only one!! I am one of those apparently demented people who really did love being pregnant the first time...it had its crappy moments, but overall, I glowed, I felt fabulous, and everything was great. This time it sucks. I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, and the irritability is astounding. My poor husband and daughter! I figure I'm 4 years older and have a 3.5 year old to chase after, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I've been thinking, just like you, that all this grouchiness has got to rub off on the wee one somehow, but I have new hope that I am not alone!

I called the one person that I thought I could complain to in the world last night, my mom. And do you know what she said? I loved being pregnant. I said -I can't talk to you, you can't possibly be my mother and hung up.

Maybe it's the after glow. Maybe after this baby is born I'll think the same thing. Kind of like buying something really expensive and after that first week you forget about the strain on your budget.

I am with you. Pregnancy is hard, it not fun and I can't wait for it to be over. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to have my first son and just as excited about the next, but this whole pregnancy thing is the pits. I also get so angry when I hear some women say "I loved being pregnant"....gag!

oh HBM it'll be okay the end is in sight ...probably not soon enough but its coming...and baby will not be affected by cranky miserable pregnancy vibes...and make sure you go see dr. and get help for the fainting spells which quickly lose their charm...LAVANDULA

Nope - not just you. First pregnancy was all about proving I could do it and do it well. It was uneventful. This time, I'm older, heavier and exhausted. Maybe it is because it's a boy, or maybe it is because I am too busy to focus 100% on my health and happiness like the first time. Maybe it's because it is JUST DIFFERENT. Do NOT feel guilty and give yourself a break. You are doing the best you can at the moment. (Ditto for me, too!) That's all anyone can ask. ~Wystful

At work a few years ago, three teachers became pregnant at roughly the same time, and in due course, three swollen bellies would traverse the halls, all aglow and cheery, talking in animated, joyful tones of every kick, every craving, every growth.

And I couldn't help feeling as though I was cast the sorrowful look, poor pitiful thing, still single, a stranger to the Edenic world of impending motherhood.

Now, several years later, married and pregnant, I recall those animated looks and wide smiles with an incredulity bordering on the imaginary. They must have been acting, surely.

My husband the other day: "Try to enjoy these days, these moments, this might be our only one." He's completely unaware, only because he's a man, surely.

Adding to the bone numbing fatigue those first few months, I started a new job during the beginning stages of the first trimester.

I couldn't make the commute up to the campus without feeling as though I'd conquered Mount Everest.

The students rushed into the Department one day: "Our professor didn't show. Where's our professor? We're paying for an education!"

I was on the subway, awakened by a startled jolt of the train, drool drizzling down my cheek, eyes foggy windows looking out at completely unknown part of the city. Took the wrong train. Fell fast alseep. Screwed.

I stumbled into the Department, exhausted, muttering some lame excuse, and faced the barrage of looks, a motley mix of guilt, and disbelief: "This is what we hired?"

So - before I got pregnant this time (and it was by choice) I made a promise that I would not be one of those people who whined about every.single.pregnancy symptom.I would accept that morning sickness meant the baby was growing, etc etc.That lasted 3 weeks.I'm now a completely cranky whiny person who drives everyone insane. I'm trying to think of ways to get this baby out early (I have 24 days to go) and am constantly grumpy.I did not enjoy 2nd trimester.I have not had a heartburn free day in 9 months.I have 9 days left of work and I can't call in sick because I have too much stuff to wrap up.And, I just want to sleep. But I can't because I pee constantly.I feel your pain.And, whoever said 2nd trimester is the honeymoon period probably also didn't fight in their first year of marriage, doesn't go to bed angry, and has kids who sleep. Seriously.

Coming out of hiding to say that I also hated being pregnant! I honestly don't understand how someone could love it. Everything changes, grows larger, becomes uncomfortable and just plain sucks. Unfortunately, when you mention to someone that you hated being pregnant, you get looks that imply that you're an ogre. Hmmm. Maybe those people who claim to love pregnancy are just saying that because they think they're SUPPOSED to love it.

It sucks. Every once in a while my husband reminds me of how much I hated it. It was that bad.

Complaining is my lifeline to sanity and I'm grateful to find anyone sympathetic enough to pretend to listen.

I had spent a lifetime imagining pregnancy as a blissful experience. No one prepared me for what looking at the world through a scrim of unrelenting nausea would be like.

When I congratulated my SIL on her pregnancy and asked if she was having any morning sickness she said: "No! I'm not going to be one of those women!" This from a woman who had witnessed me throwing up in the sink during the early phase of my first pregnancy. OFF WITH HER HEAD!

I SO worried about that too (the possibility of seriously bad mojo w/#2), but was blessed to end up with the most amazing boy-child. He has his issues, sure (at the advanced age of 14!) but also is the sweetest, best, most darling child. I hope for the same for you. :-)

I am 35 weeks preg with my first. A long awaited first too, 3+yrs trying, IVF/ICSI etc etc and yet where is my glow? I cry and hate the world and bitch and moan and I can't help wondering what effect is this having on little nugget?Where are my happy hormones?

Pregnancy can be horrendous. Drives me crazy when celebrities say they could could have stayed pregnant forever because they loved it so much. Liars!!!But you will get there. And the 'result' really is worth it.

I only had the second trimester honeymoon in my first pregnancy. The second pregnancy kind of sucked. The third pregnancy offered, state-of-the-art, all-the-way-through suckage. I was miserable and pouty and self indulgent during that pregnancy. Guess what? I birthed the most lovely, docile, contented baby of the three.

I am on my second pregnancy 11 weeks along and I hate every minute of it. I'm grumpy and impatient with my first, and my husband. I'm only about half as sick with this one as I was with the first but I also have half the patience to deal with it. During this pregnacny my doctor said that I can actually take Collase and Milk of Magnesia for the constipation...and now I can actually poop which I think is why I'm half as sick as the first time. I think the constipation poisons my body after awhile and my stomach refuses to put anymore down the track so I just puke. So getting things going has been really much better than the first time when I thought I could take nothing. Dumb stupid first doctor! Another thing that helps with my nausea is to always keep a little bit of food in my tummy even if I just puked, and the best thing I can stomach is pre-canned chocolate slim-fast. It's been a life saver for me and if I do puke it doesn't tase so bad and chunky coming back up. But, I'm still miserable. I hate this. My husband stinks to me when I'm pregnant too and it drives me crazy. See how mean I'm feeling! Argggggg!

Thank for having this site. I am sitting here with terrible constipation, terrible nausea & I'm puking constantly. This sucks so bad, I just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate until I am done incubating. I am only 9 weeks and the thought of having to do this for pretty much THE REST OF THE YEAR is depressing and sad. I am generally a pretty avid runner and very active and the fact that I can't be "normal" pisses me off. No matter how many times my husband kisses me and thanks me for carrying our child, I can't help but be resentful....Sigh.

*singing* It's your blog, you can bitch if you want to! (And to anyone who hasn't had kids and says "aren't you excited?") You'd bitch too if it was happening to you!I'll stop singing now and attend to my toddler...

I agree. This sucks ass! I'm 18 weeks pregnant and in 3 weeks I've gotten BV, UTI and now I think I have a yeast infection. Why don't you just remove my defective vagina now and get it over with. Like it's not going to get pummled enough when I manage to squeeze a thing the size of my cat through it!

It's nice to hear everyone hates pregnancy as much as i do! and you know what i hate my hubby too. I'm working 50 hours a week and have a 2 year old- i come home from work to my dumbass hubby laying on the couch and doesn't help me with jack shit.

I'm 19 weeks and have told my husband from the day we found out that I am doing this once - and I mean once. It's bad enough to be stretching my body out but there's no way I am going through this again. Adoption will bring our next children, not me. Can't wait to go back on birth control. I'm not as sick as I was before but reading all of the "lovely" things that are going to continue to happen to my body makes me sick. And if one more person tells me how excited they are I'm going to pop them in the nose. If they're so excited they can go get pregnant - and shut up about it.

It is so great to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. This is my 1st and will be ONLY pregnancy. I am so over the insane nausea, fatigue, clothes not fitting, not sleeping well, and every smell making me want to hurl. What up with all the women say how it "not so bad". Yes it is! I wonder if childbirth causes amnesia?

I miss my pre-pregnancy life, and I am only 11 weeks…I will never tell anyone how it's "not so bad". Good Luck Ladies.

I'm almost 12 weeks. I vomit at least once a day, can't go to the bathroom if I'm on my anti-nausea meds (Zofran causes severe constipation), and I've recently been suffering from nasal congestion. One pregnancy site I read says, "While annoying at times, keep in mind that a stuffy nose is nothing dangerous and will generally resolve itself shortly after delivery. Consider it another reminder that you are creating the miracle of life within you! Keeping a box of aloe infused tissues handy will do wonders for your spirits and your nasal discharge."

!!!

That writer must be either a man or one of those women who "loves being pregnant." I wish I knew more specifics, so that I could throw something at him/her.

I adopted my first child and have been so nostalgic for that experience. Basically, my husband and I went on an awesome vacation to central Asia, where I ate and drank what I wanted, and returned home with a beautiful little girl.

If there are three kids in our future, you know by which route he/she will get here.