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Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

Originally Posted by danlynclark

What is the difference between nursing an infant and nursing a toddler in regards to appropriateness?

Lyn

That's how I feel - I just wish nursing a toddler didn't have such a negative connotation. But you're right - we aren't going to change the view of nursing if we keep hiding it. I remember when I first started nursing in public, I felt uncomfortable but I would tell myself "I'm meeting my baby's needs and there's nothing wrong with that." Now I'll just insert toddler into that. I wish I knew more people who nursed their toddlers.

Thanks for everyone's responses!

~ Jen

Mommy to:

Emmalynn Marie
Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

Owen Charles
Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
2lbs 14oz 15in
In NICU for 2 months

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

I haven't changed my NIP practices because they're older, but I don't NIP as often b/c they get so excited when we're out and about they don't usually ask. If I know they need to nurse and don't realize it I try to find a quiet place so they can focus. When they're much older I may restrict it to home so it doesn't interrupt our errands, but we'll see when we get to that point, they're only a little over a year now.

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

My dd is 16 months and I too started feeling uncomfortable about NIP when she got close to 12 months. Even if no one said anything, I thought that they were probably thinking it. I felt as though I was the only one nursing a baby past a few months.

But, I figure, the more I NIP, and the more moms or young girls that see it, the better. When they have their babies, and their decisions to make, maybe it will be easier for them. It would be wonderful if NIP with babies and toddlers would be the norm!

I keep reminding myself that the ones who think it is weird to nurse a baby or toddler have not done any research on the benefits of nursing. And, they have been in a society where bottles are everywhere and seem to be the norm. When I was in nursing school 23 years ago, I was taught to encourage moms to nurse for at least 6 weeks. And I have known a lot of moms who use bottles, but feel they did the right thing in making it to the 6week mark and weaning to the bottle. When I had my last baby, I wasn't given any instructions about bf, I guess since she was my fourth. I hope that discharge instructions have changed to encouraging moms to nurse to 12 months and beyond.

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

This is a double edged sword and how you walk the line is up to you. I started to become self conscious about it somewhere between 16 & 18months....because I didn't want to horrify or scare NEW Nursing mothers. Because even when you get started....often you just think "6months or a year tops" and you kind of don't want to scare newbies off...and the truth is you just can't know how important this is until you have gotten to this point in your own nursing relationship.
But I FAILED at setting any kind of limits on nursing until my son was almost two because I simply couldn't communicate with him or negotiate with him until he had some language. NOW I can tell him to wait or later....when he didn't understand and just thought I was personally rejecting him....that was too hard.
It's important to remember that setting limits on nursing is OK and should be done whenever works for the two of you. But that setting limits is in fact part of the WEANING process. So if you are still feeling like you are wanting to "Nurse on Demand" than you should do that. Because nursing "on demand" "most of the time" is probably sort of confusing to a 14month old. Also I have to say....if a bunch of woman I didn't know were in my home, I would expect them to have some respect for what is going on there. Even if it's not something they are used to seeing. I personally would NEVER not nurse DJ in his own home. No matter who is there. There are some people like Lyn said that I wouldn't nurse in front of, but I would certainly stop what I was doing to go do it for 5-10 minutes....that's just personal. I would encourage you to always have the courage to do exactly what you want in your own home. All the time no matter what!

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

I rarely nurse my 3 year old in public anymore, but a big part of that is starting to wean her.
I guess a lot of times I think about what feels right to me. If she's exhausted and cranky and we're out missing her nap, then I let her nurse whereever.
If we're having a big party at home and I don't want to deal with any negative comments, (not that I've ever gotten any btw) I take her into another room.

I guess really I'm saying to take everything onboard and do what feels best for you. I feel like if I feel uncomfortable nursing in a situation, no one's going to be happy about it and I'm inviting negative comments (and if I'm feeling uncomfortable, then I'm not able to deal with them well...). But it's ok, kwim?
Do what feels best for you.

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

So I was talking with my mom on the phone today (we live 800 mi apart) and I told her that tomorrow night my girlfriend (whose pregnant) and I are going to dinner and that to a LLL meeting. And she said "oh those people are over the top. Make sure you tell her (my girlfriend) that so she's not scared off." I said "what do you mean by that?" And she said "those people think you should still nurse a two year old." I was a little taken back and I said "what's wrong with nursing a two year old? I still hope to nurse Emma (my 14month old) when she's two." To which she replied "that's ridiculous. Two year olds don't need to nurse, they can get everything they need from regular milk. At that point it's the mother's need to nurse and they just force the child to continue nursing to meet their own needs." I told her that I wouldn't force Emma to nurse and said my bit about breastmilk vs. cows milk but she said I should wait and see because Emma won't want to nurse then. I said "well you'll have to warm up to the idea when we come visit because I hope to still be nursing Emma then." She said "I don't have to warm up to the idea and I won't." So I said, "then you'll have to tolerate it if I'm going to come out to visit." And that was that. Now, my mom nursed me and my 3 siblings until we were all between 12-16 months. She is a home daycare provider and is a proponent of nursing young babies, but apparently that's it. I'm not sure what to do with all this, but it is what it is I guess.

Mommy to:

Emmalynn Marie
Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

Owen Charles
Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
2lbs 14oz 15in
In NICU for 2 months

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

"What is the difference between nursing an infant and nursing a toddler in regards to appropriateness?"

In principle, nothing - both are appropriate. However being embarassing and being appropriate are not the same thing. Nursing a toddler can feel embarassing for the mother (not all but some) or other people, and while I take your point about wanting to change attitudes, not everyone feels able to deal with it that way.

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

Originally Posted by JennieBean5

To which she replied "that's ridiculous. Two year olds don't need to nurse, they can get everything they need from regular milk. At that point it's the mother's need to nurse and they just force the child to continue nursing to meet their own needs."

Toddlers get more than just nutrition from breastmilk. They get love, comfort closeness etc. Obviously they could get those things in other ways, but if they like getting it from nursing then why not? Exactly what harm is it doing?

As far as forcing a child to nurse is concerned, I not sure that's possible - I never heard of a child who nursed when they didn't want to! Of course it is meeting one of your needs as well - your instinctive need as a mother to respond to her child in the way that feels best for her.
Seems like a win win all round to me

Re: Nursing a toddler in public/around others...

mama, you have to do what makes you comfortable.
remind yourself what you've read, what you've learned at LLL meetings,
on this forum and what comes straight from your very own instinct.

if you breastfeed with confidence and with purpose,
people will see that in you and it will plant a seed.
the more we are convinced by society that it's not ok to nurse our 2 year olds,
even when we personally think it is,
where is the change going to come from?

i want the women of the next generation to not have to fight the same battles as we do,
so i will fight! with love, with patience and with my perky breasts.

you are most likely protected by laws,
and even more importantly,
a mountain of information.
of course there will be people to oppose you,
but they are ignorant,
and the people that you worry about making uncomfortable....think of that feeling inside of them as a big ice block,
and you are just chipping away at it.

i hope you find your confidence and are proud to nurse you walking talking toddler.