Creative nonfiction about life, love, sex, and whiskey

Kryptonite

They sat side by side on her bed, talking about everything. Work, life, their relationships. Okay. Maybe we CAN do this. She thought to herself. Maybe they could just be friends. But then again, he was sitting so close to her. His left hand was resting on the bed behind her, and he was leaning into her a bit. And then there was that look in his eyes. The one that said it all so that he didn’t have to: how badly he wanted her, how amazing and beautiful he thought she was, and how he loved her even though he knew she was fucking crazy. She had a love-hate relationship with that look.

And then it happened. He stood up and shoved her back onto the bed. It was the perfect balance of soft and rough. Her heart raced as he crawled on top of her and kissed her. He started with her lips: sucking and biting softly. She let out a soft groan as he moved to her neck and kneaded her breast. As his hands moved to unbutton her jeans, reality came crashing back to her.

He sat back and scratched the back of his head, “I know,” he admitted with a sheepish grin, “But I can’t help it. I don’t know what it is with you. I told you it’d help if you were ugly.”

“But D…I can’t do anything about that, and anyways, what about Mary? She’s pretty and she and you are just friends.”

“You right. I don’t know. It’s like you have some kind of spell on me. Do you really want me to stop? Cuz I will. I’m not an asshole, even though you wish I was” he teased.

She sighed and sat back against the pillows. At this point both her head and her heart were racing. She didn’t know how to feel and she wanted to scream.

“Honestly?” She asked, searching for the answer in his eyes. He nodded.

“As a petty ass bitch, I want to tell you not to stop. But as a friend I want to tell you that you need to figure this shit out so that you can let me go. It’s wrong D. I mean, do you even feel bad?”

“I do feel bad…I just…I don’t know. When it comes to you it’s like nothing matters. I know it’s wrong, and I know that you’re crazy, but it’s like none of that even matters. I mean, I don’t even care that you fucked Swift, and normally that’d be a dealbreaker for me.”

His answer hit a little too close to home for her and she sighed again, rubbing her eyes in frustration. She completely understood how he felt. She also had no clue what it was that pulled her to him. He wasn’t incredibly attractive, nor was he “a catch” in any other way. But for some reason all he had to do was look at her, and she would do virtually anything he asked. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t an asshole, or maybe it was how he made her laugh because they had the same sense of humor. Regardless of why, they were drawn to each other despite the fact that they could never really be together.

After a long period of silence, she looked up at him and shrugged, “so are you actually staying the night or are you going back to Joe’s?” She asked. He grinned mischievously.

“Do you WANT me to stay the night?”

“I don’t give a fuck, Do you want to stay? You can if you do, but you don’t have to if you…”

“Nina,” he interrupted in frustration, “how many times have I told you? You don’t have to act like a robot all the fucking time. It’s ok to have feelings. Just tell me you want me to stay and I will.”

“You don’t have to stay if you….”

“Seriously? Shut the fuck up if you’re not gonna tell me the truth. I know you want me to stay. I just wanna hear you say it for once. You can’t hide behind your bitchy ass attitude with me. Tell me how you really feel.”

She started to roll her eyes, but his expression stopped her and she gave in.

“I want you to stay,” she admitted softly without looking him in the eyes.

So he stayed, and for a little bit it was as if she was getting everything she’d secretly wanted for the past two years. They didn’t even have sex. They just cuddled, kissed, and watched a crappy horror movie (her favorite). She knew that it was impossible and that she was gonna regret it later. She could already hear her sister’s voice in her head: I just don’t want you to get hurt. He’s your kryptonite. You know he’s gonna hurt you. That’s part of the reason you’re in love with him. But she didn’t care. Life hurt. But moment like this…they made it all worth living,

The morning came, and she dropped him off at his house.

On the way home she started to cry. Her perfect moment was gone. Darrell would go back to his fiance and she would go back to her boyfriend until the next time he called. Friends can break your heart too.