Thursday, 1 November 2012

As I wake up this Friday morning I have a lot on my mind. Filled with excitement at the thought of catching up with an old friend, yet feeling the weight of challenges that many of us are facing. Some have mountains that need to be moved, others have hard decisions to make, friends facing sickness, loneliness, pain..and the list goes on.

One of my favourite scriptures in the Bible is Psalm 121, and with the weight of my thoughts, I turn to it this morning and meditate upon the beautiful, re-assuring words:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;indeed, he who watches over Israelwill neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand;the sun will not harm you by day,nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;the Lord will watch over your coming and goingboth now and forevermore.

I love how Karl Jenkins entitled his arrangement of Psalm 121 'The Protector'. How apt.

While
the word teaches us to rest in Him, doing
battle against our struggles can be exhausting. He is with us (as so
beautifully described in the Psalm above) but we are required to stand (to stand firm, no less!).
And I speak from experience (especially this week!) that standing and
fighting, not bowing to pressures and challenges can be so damn
exhausting - especially if victory doesn't seem to be anywhere in
sight! But the good news is, victory does come! If you can stay and
not retreat I promise (actually He promises) that victory will be yours!

Whatever you are facing today, know that The Protector watches over you.

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Everyone has noticed how hard
it is to turn our thoughts to God
when everything is going well with
us. We "have all we want" is a
terrible saying when "all"
does not include God. We find God an interruption. As St.
Augustine says somewhere "God wants to give us something, but
cannot, because our hands are full – there's
nowhere for Him to
put it." Or as a friend of mine said "we regard
God as an
airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies
but he
hopes he'll never have to use it."

Now God, who has made
us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him. Yet we
will not seek it in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort
where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call "our
own life" remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him.
What
then can God do in our interests but make "our own life"
less
agreeable to us, and take away the plausible sources of false
happiness? It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to
be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down of the
Highest, most deserves praise.

We are perplexed to see misfortune
falling upon decent, inoffensive, worthy people - on capable,
hard-
working mothers of families or diligent, thrifty, little
trades-people,
on those who have worked so hard, and so honestly,
for their
modest stock of happiness and now seem to be entering on
the
enjoyment of it with the fullest right. How can I say with
sufficient
tenderness what here needs to be said? It does not matter
that I
know I must become, in the eyes of every hostile reader, as
it were
personally responsible for all the sufferings I try to
explain – just
as, to this day, everyone talks as if St. Augustine
wanted
unbaptised infants to go to Hell. But it matters enormously
if I
alienate anyone from the truth. Let me implore the reader to
try to
believe, if only for the moment, that God, who made these
deserving
people, may really be right when He thinks that their
modest
prosperity and the happiness of their children are not enough
to
make them blessed: that all this must fall from them in the end,
and that if they have not learned to know Him they will be
wretched.
And therefore He troubles them, warning them in
advance of an
insufficiency that one day they will have to discover.
The life to
themselves and their families stands between them and
the
recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them.
I
call this a Divine humility because it is a poor thing to strike our
colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing
to
come to Him as a last resort, to offer up "our own" when it
is no
longer worth keeping.

If God were proud He would hardly have
us
on such terms: but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He
will
have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything
else
to Him, and come to Him because there is "nothing better"
now to
be had. The same humility is shown by all those Divine
appeals to
our fears which trouble highminded readers of scripture.
It is hardly
complimentary to God that we should choose Him as an
alternative
to Hell: yet even this He accepts. The creature's
illusion of self
sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be
shattered; and by
trouble or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear
of the eternal
flames, God shatters it "unmindful of His
glory's diminution".

Those who would like the God of scripture
to be more purely ethical, do
not know what they ask. If God were a
Kantian, who would not have
us till we came to Him from the purest
and best motives, who could be saved? And this
illusion of self sufficiency may be at its strongest
in some very
honest, kindly, and temperate people, and on such
people, therefore,
misfortune must fall.
The dangers of apparent self sufficiency
explain why Our Lord
regards the vices of the feckless and
dissipated so much more leniently than the vices
that lead to worldly success. Prostitutes are
in no danger of
finding their present life so satisfactory that they
cannot turn to
God: the proud, the avaricious, the self righteous, are in that danger.

Monday, 17 September 2012

This morning something wonderful
happened. While it may not have been the sound of the shofar I
heard, it was definitely a calling. I felt the gentle wooing of my
heart and enjoyed the most intimate time with God that I can ever
remember. The really bizarre twist to my whole experience is that I
realised it was Rosh Hashanah, and while I'm not an observant Jew (in
fact I consider myself a Christian, but my roots are Jewish and I am
blessed to enjoy such a rich heritage that overlaps so much with my
own faith) so much of what was dealt with in my heart this morning
was all themed towards the message of Rosh Hashanah.

From what I understand (and it is
limited!) at the heart of Rosh Hashanah is our relationship with God
– our maker, our sustainer and our redeemer. And central to that
is our acknowledgement of God as King of the whole universe, our
brokenness and failure and need for repentance and lastly new birth,
second chances, the promise of sweet new beginnings...a new year.

Today I feel like a newborn – fresh and
alive. Blemish free. Ready to start a new year, a new life. And, I am so grateful for a new beginning.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Thirty four years ago today, at 2 months early a baby girl arrived
in the world. There was no fanfare. No joy. No
excitement. No family waiting in anticipation in the hospital
waiting room. Just reluctant mother and baby. And soon, just
baby.

Fast forward to today, and here I am once again alone. Not
entirely true...I do have 3 beautiful children of my own, but on days
like this it seems like I am truly alone in this world.
Sometimes I tell people I prefer it - I'll say 'I'malonewolf' and to a great extent I am. I am
not fussed by my own company, and in my experience I am more
successful acting alone rather than relying on others. Don't get me wrong. I love people. I do. I thoroughly
enjoy other peoples company and I would do just about anything and
have done for any friend or family member that I love.

I grew up in a large family, but always felt alone. In the line of
siblings I fell in the middle and everyone above and below me was
paired up. So, I spent many hours alone in my room, reading and
listening to music – 2 pastimes I still thoroughly enjoy today.

For a long time I was a people pleaser – even so up until a few
years ago. I felt I needed to behave in a certain way to be accepted
by the people I loved. But these days as the real Amy is emerging,
certain friends and family are keeping their distance. And, to be totally honest I
feel abandoned by those people who I have loved and supported 100%
no matter their decisions or actions in the past.

There have been a number of events over my life that have steered
me towards being closed up to others and so I have to wonder if my
predilection for solidarity is a habit learnt from childhood or as a
means of protection from the outside world that has taught me being
alone is less hassle.

CS Lewis once wrote:

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping in tact you must give it to no
one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and
little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe,
dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it
will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to
be vulnerable.

Yes. To love is to be vulnerable. I pray that as another chapter
of my life turns, despite the cost I never lose the ability to stay
open to others.

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

This time 2 years ago I was in England packing up what had been our life for over 3 years. It was a stressful time. A few weeks prior to this we had a call from home that required us to get back ASAP and within 7 short hours our kids had said goodbye to their friends and we were all on a plane back to Australia not knowing what to expect. From there we made the decision to move back to Australia permanently.

As I was 2 years ago, I am today once again standing at the gateway of a new future, one that I can't really even make out or know what it holds. I am doing what I have to do to get through the door of tomorrow.

It is incredibly scary, frustrating and sad. And yes, I feel completely overwhelmed, stressed and tired. But I keep moving onwards.

I am overcome by the beauty and love of friends that I am surrounded by. I am equally overcome by the audacity of others who have equated friendship or association into being a major shareholder in my life, painfully making their opinions known on the direction I am taking. It is a hard time, made harder by those that do not understand, nor have any insight into this heart of mine.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Well, it was my little Susanna's 4th birthday and she chose a Tinkerbell/Disney Fairies theme. This was an incredibly easy party to create thanks to the new Disney movies based around Tinkerbell and her beginnings in 'Pixie Hollow' - a wondrous place where all the fairies and pixies prepare for Spring on the mainland (aah, you have to watch it to understand!).

So, first of all here is my little Tinkerbell. Isn't she cute?!

1. Here is the party table

A close up

2. Choc-Mint 'Flower Pots'

3. Sugar! White choc covered Oreo's with sugar butterflies

4. Pixie Bubbles to take home

5. The 'Birthday Cake'

6. Butterfly Cakes

7. Flower cakes

1. The table
Although I didn't do it justice, (because I couldn't find my cream damask table cloth!) I highly recommend the tutu skirt for the table. It is so easy, and so effective. I loved it and like I said before, it would have looked much better with a cream tablecloth, not the pattern one that was half covered up! Click here for a tutorial on making a no-sew tutu dress. I tried to make the table look as 'Pixie Hollow' as possible. The garland string of roses were purchased from Spotlight for $15 each.

2. Choc-Mint Flower Pots
To recreate a garden look, I made up a pack of instant chocolate pudding, added some peppermint essence to it and when they were set, coloured some coconut, green with food dye (for the grass) then added lavender and mint to make it look like a flower pot/plant. The inspirations for these came from here.

3. Choc covered Oreo's
My inspiration for these came from here. However, the pop sticks I purchased were too thick for the cookies, so I improvised!

4. I purchased a pack of little bubble bottles and printed labels. Bubbles are a hit with most kids!

5. I really lucked out with spotting the gorgeous Disney Fairies Cupcake Stand at spotlight for $12.99. I was considering all sorts of cakes, but I decided using the stand would emphasise the theme and make it easier on me!

6. Butterfly Cakes
These were made using a cut portion of musk stick and sugar hearts (purchased from Cake Decorating Central), then drew on the antlers with a ready made icing tube.

7. Flower Cakes
Icing piped with a zip lock bag! Decorated with sugar roses and tiny little sugar butterflies - all available from your local Woolworths!

Sunday, 8 January 2012

As a Christian, I am horrified to admit the jury is still out for me when it comes to abortion. I say this because murder outside the womb is no different to murder inside the womb. It's all that...murder.
I value human life, but you can bet your bottom dollar if I walked in on someone molesting my child and a loaded gun was handy consider that humans life gone! Or, maybe if somehow I was transported back in time to Germany 1928 and I had a clear shot at Hitler. Imagine...the murder of that one man could save the suffering and misery, not to mention the lives of millions of people. How many Einstein's perished in the Holocaust? How many Leonard Bernstein's or Itzhtak Perlmans? Or, how many Sigmund Freud's? I also do wonder how many great lives never got a chance to shine outside of their mothers womb? How is it possible that I can say this and at the same time wish Hitler never took a breath outside his mothers womb?

If I put on the mind of Christ I see value and hope in every life. Even Hitler. I know there is a verse in the bible that says God looks beyond what is and sees what can be. But can I?

During my life, growing up I saw first hand the suffering of so many children who in my heart of hearts I wished had not been born due to the intolerable neglect and abuse they sustained in their tiny lives at the hands of their 'parents'. What hope is there for those children who have experienced such despicable conditions? What becomes of their lives and the lives of their offspring? Sadly the stats tell us more often than not if they are kept in this environment they are destined to inflict the same kind of treatment onto the next generation and so on. I want to cry. I don't understand any of this. I don't understand why some are saved from this, while other little ones endure such atrocities.

I value those little lives - the ones that are being neglected and abused. But the person that bought them into the world doesn't. Where is the value of human life there?

The reality is, I am not the judge. I am not the jury. I cannot say what is right for one person, and wrong for another. I cannot say one persons life has more value than another.

I do not like abortion, but it happens. It makes me sad. I hold no condemnation for someone whose had an abortion or for someone who is considering an abortion. And, for the record....either does God.