So far…

Why do we as humans suffer in silence? We all act like we have to walk around like everything is fine 100% of the time. I believe this is why suicide rates are so high. Mostly because we as humans care about what other people think. –yes you too Linda stop trying to act like you don’t!– whether it’s your man, your crush, your friends, strangers, we all like to put on this front like we have it all together when actually I know not 1 person that has a “perfect” life –can we pause on that what is perfect? What is normal? These are both terms that only you can define for yourself, but I digress–

We all want to put on this facade instead of reaching out or being afraid to admit we’re hurt. –hello social media

I asked a question on my Facebook “Which is worse pretending like we don’t care or wearing your heart on your sleeve?”

Overwhelmingly, everyone agreed that pretending like we don’t care was worse. I can’t say I’m not surprised by this answer, but I am surprised that we stillact the opposite.

I’ve been talking a lot about being open -you guys this shit is probably the hardest thing emotionally I’ve done, but here I am and here we go– I thought by being open and allowing the universe to bring positive vibes I would reap great rewards-foolish girl– vulnerability is hard. Transparency is hard. You’re opening yourself up and saying to a person this is truly who I am, like me or leave me. Most will leave you, some will like you, you just never know what you’re going to get.

The tricky part is when you really care for someone and you trust them with your feelings and you show them and they leave you. Now you out here wide open left with all these feelings and emotions and nowhere to put them and you regret being open. There’s beauty in the pain. It hurts, but there’s beauty in knowing that at least you laid it out there. Now what do you do with all these emotions and feelings? There’s no suitcase to pack them in and store for later!

I am a natural writer. The notes on my Iphone are so full because I literally found I have to write everything down in my head so that I don’t feel so cluttered. –and also so I don’t forget an idea– I found what works best for me is to write letters.

Sometimes you have to write them letters they will never receive.

It’s not for them it’s for you.

Sometimes you need to say the words they are never going to hear.

It’s not for them it’s for you.

Sometimes you need to tell them how you feel even if they are never going to feel it.

It’s not for them it’s for you.

We are like vaults. We unconsciously hold things inside and carry it around never putting it into the universe. That’s a toxic way to live don’t you think?

When I began my journey on being open, I really didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Boy I had no idea what I was manifesting. But I was harboring some deep shit! Here’s the first lesson I learned immediately upon turning 28, you can’t “be open” and hold it in. It doesn’t work like that.- Now, as I’m typing this I’m sure somewhere on my page is a blog where I’m telling you how to really know if you’re over a situation. I should re-label that how you THINK you know you’re over a situation lol.- 28 was brought in with some big ol crocodile tears, and not for such the joyous occasion it should be, but for the letting go I so desperately needed to do.

Here’s the thing, how do you let go? I think that looks different for everybody. I would love to tell you how to figure it out, but up until right before I typed this blog I thought I had let it go and figured it out, but guess what?! You know nothing Jon Snow! I figured the best way at that moment- and to stop the tears– was to work through it. As I stared out my window sobbing and talking to the universe and God, I decided to write. I decided to write letters. I tried to pinpoint exactly what or who these tears were for and I wrote to them- honest, no sugar coating, letters-.

I wrote them letters I never plan for them to see. Something about seeing it on paper cleansed my spirit. Now, I’m not going to sit here and lie and say I felt 100% better. The more I wrote the harder I cried because some of the letters I wrote required an action I wasn’t prepared for; letting go. I needed to remove some people from my life. Not because their bad people and they were hurting me, but because I loved them. They say if you love something you’ve got to let it go and if comes back then it means so much more… but if it never comes at least you know it was something you had to hold on to grow. I always thought letting go meant it had to be toxic, but sometimes letting go means love, the best kind of love you can give is setting someone free.

Now after the letters were written and the tears have dried, I took all that energy, love, and time into me. –yes girl right back into myself. – Because no one can love me better than me! When I started this journey and 28 was approaching, the year felt different. –again this is my magical year I feel it- I am changing and with that change comes getting to know myself just a little better. I am being prepared.-remember positive vibes only!

What are some things you do to let go?

And when you do what are some things you do with the left over energy?

Like this:

I had a lot of fun with the Month of Music. Thank you again to all the artist that allowed me to interview them, I enjoyed every minute! I hope some networking came from it, you got new fans, and maybe some new opportunities.

Now that the Month of Music is over, lets get back to our regularly schedule program. With it being June-OMG the year is halfway over AHHHHH!- I’ve been looking over my goals and I can’t believe I have everything pretty much checked off! How are you guys doing with that? -If you are lost, check this out.

Can you believe that was my very first goal of the year? Lets talk about something you guys may not know. I make a lot of things sound very easy on here, but life is not as breezy as it appears.

I have had a rough start to my year. One of the worst things -or so i thought- that happened was I got laid off from my full time job. For 30 seconds after I got laid off I panicked. All these thoughts about bills, money, and what to do next flooded my head. For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do.

Meet your VIP and Event Staff for concert scenes on “Nashville”

After about 30 seconds of freaking out and praying, calmness came over me and I knew everything was going to be a
lright. It’s was going to be rocky, but it was going to be okay.

I took the time off to dive into things that were always just a dream to me. I got a wonderful opportunity to be on a popular TV show, I started my YouTube channel, and I really started to take my blogging seriously. Now all of this sounds so exciting; and it was. However, there were times when I was uncertain, scared, and completely shut down from being overwhelmed.

These first 6 months of the year were full of up and downs. A lot of downs and a lot of dwelling in the moment. Gosh, I am the queen of dwelling. I don’t know how to move on from something that truly hurt me. I’m so used to doing it, that I don’t even realize I do it.

Something Keke Palmer said-if you don’t follow her on snapchat, you are doing yourself a huge disservice- really spoke to me, she said we as human beings can reply a moment over and over again in our head, and we allow the energy of that moment, when somebody or something hurt us, to spill into other good moments, and ruin what could have been a great moment. So allow yourself to feel that bad moment for seconds, or hours, but know that only you have the power to let it go.

I never allowed myself to feel those bad moments.I never realized that I, Me and only ME, had the power to move on from that moment. I would take those moments and add them to this brick wall I was building. And every time I had a good moment I would pick out that brick that hurt me and no matter how good that moment was, I would ruin it. Self sabotaging. I would turn what could have been a beautiful moment, or what I could have turned into a positive on only focus on the negative the moment presented. Waiting for a series of good moments to change my moo
d.

“Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”

I had a couple bad moments within the first half of the year. Every time I thought I hit rock bottom, I hit a lower floor. But after I heard those words, I allowed myself to feel that moment for however long I needed and instead of using that brick to build a wall, I used it to build my foundation. J.K Rowling said, “Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”. Rather than be hurt by those moments, I’m grateful. I learned. I grew. I’m stronger.

So Often we are told that its our perception of a situation that defines it. If you look at it as a negative, it will be negative. If you think of it as positive it will be a positive moment. And if you look at it as a blessing, it will be a blessing. i had a lot of unexpected “negatives”, but each “negative” prepared me for the next. Had I not gone through the one before, I wouldn’t have known how to handle the next. -Blessings-
As we move into the last half of the year, lets practice changing our mind set. -Positive Vibes Only, even the so called negative ones-

I’ve been keeping to my 3 major goals- I’ve have knocked 2 off, 1 being taking my blogging seriously, 2. is well…. announcement coming soon :)- but one of my minor goals-not even sure if you could call it that so lets go with practice- is to be present in the moment. Too often I am so focused on my phone shuffling between apps that I have wasted HOURS.

So, I will be removing myself from the social media world until July and I invite anyone reading this blog to join me! Blogs are already scheduled and will still go up every Monday- so if you’re not subscribed, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???- I will return in July with what I was able to change, accomplish and learn. I may pop up in-between with my special announcement, who knows…. keep your eyes out on IG- @lilsisveebspot.

Like this:

Coming from Maryland, now residing in Middle Tennessee, I got to meet this next artist at the start of his career. The artist and producer featured , P. Cole, has been around music his whole life. Taking influences that he has from the north mixing it with a little southern trap, P. Cole is taking the hip-hop industry to a new level.

In this interview I wanted to showcase one of his many talents, producing beats. I take you behind the scenes to catch how he produces a beat and what his take is on the hip-hop industry. So watch the interview below or click the link here ,to get to know the artist P.Cole.

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So many times we have a goal in mind. We can envision it. We can put ourselves at the finish line. It’s so close that all of our senses tingle as if it’s already happened. Most of us can reach out and touch it. The latter, like me, get distracted. Distraction or rather procrastination plays a huge roll in why we can’t accomplish even the smallest task. I’m so guilty of this! I battle myself on timing all the time! I question if I should do something now or wait? Should I do this first and finish that then do it. I question it so much, it never gets done. Now I don’t know if this is fear that it won’t work anyway so why bother or if it’s much deeper than that- still working on it- or if it simply just time.

My mother always tells me, don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today. But she has always been so eye on the prize let’s get this done. I’ve always been lazy. If it could get done tomorrow, if it didn’t need to get done immediately, then I would push it off till the last possible minute! But I do have to admit I work well under pressure. I would wait until the night before and sometimes the day of, to do a paper and I would get an A on it. I get my best ideas from procrastinating.

I totally went on a tangent, but I said all that to get to the biggest distraction of them all, social media. Oh yes. Instagram, snapchat, Facebook… We are so enthused about what other people are doing we forget to put the phone down and enjoy our own lives. I fall victim to this constantly- mainly because social media will let you know news before the news will, I mean I found out THE Michael Jackson died before it came across any news station, all from a tweet! Now I do enjoy looking other people’s messes to take my mind off my own- I mean who don’t, don’t act like y’all guilty pleasure wasn’t love and hip hop at some point!- but at some point I have to put my phone down and actually deal with what’s going on- easier said than done-

I love social media for the positives that came from it. Like discovering actually talent, promotion, awareness, connection with people you would have never met otherwise. But I also despise it for what it’s done to society, a disconnect at real conversation, a need to update people about your life minute by minute just to stay “relevant”, unsolicited opinions- the worst!Maybe we will move into a new age where people will start to feel nostalgic and integrate those things back in. With technology moving so fast one can wonder. I can only vow to myself to take a step back. And hopefully this blog may encourage a few too. Now I’m not going cold turkey. But it is ok if you miss a few things it’s not ok to miss out on your life, trying to see what everyone else is doing with theirs.

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Now, as a blogger I realize these are just my views or take a different scenarios and situations. I mostly speak from my experiences on what I talk about. However, with certain social media outlets, I’ve noticed a trend that has become rampant : my way or the highway.People will call you everything, but a child of God, for simply disagreeing with their view point. I was watching a clip of in interview with David Bowie and Mark Goodman where Bowie was questioning why there was no black music being played on MTV. Something Goodman said really resonated with me. “It’s not like it was in 67, when you could go ‘I’m not into that,but you are? Ok yea,but now it’s you’re into that? Well I don’t like you”. And that’s exactly how the world is today. There’s no agree to disagree. If you openly agree with something big or small you are crucified for it.

Where did this logic come from? Are they no longer teaching argumentative in English class??? Do we not have debate teams anymore?? Why are we getting so sensitive about it? Disagreements can be healthy. It can give you a different view point. It fuels the imagination. It may often spark a solution. If everybody thought the same, as a civilization we would be nowhere. Maybe, if we stopped and slowed down and listened to understand rather than listened to reply we’d be a little less ignorant and a lot further along -ye shrug-Especially on social media. Did such an open platform to express one’s self become a weapon for the tongue (or keyboard)? Its really quite sad at how much people believe simply based on it being on the internet. And God forbid you try to correct someone who desperately wants to believe the false advertisement is true. don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing the internet, its very helpful if you take the time to decipher whats real and whats fake. However, you have to wonder with the information being so readily available did it makes us lazier as a society?