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Every now and then, I find myself giving in to fear or somehow enjoying being afraid of something that never existed before and building fake walls to overcome, disillusions and deceiving thoughts that have nothing to do but to inspire a writer.

That kind of feeling just tried to mess with my mind, with my clear thinking while I was considering my new plans regarding looking for a job and starting my career path.

Music plays a big part of such misleading thinking especially if you’re the kind of people who loves music very much and every song has its own story in your head either a memory, a future plan or merely a dream you’d really like to come true one day.

Writing does help me eliminate any negative self-talk and make every success possible, it’s one of the reasons I want to be a writer because I can be who I am away from people, I can be independent or interdependent with the one I would to share my life story with…

“Refuse to complain. Complaining is just a way of not taking responsibility, justifying doing nothing and programming yourself to fail. Complaining creates the illusion that you have done something. Instead, pour your energy into improving your situation. When you find ways to be productive and maintain a sense of optimism, you demonstrate that you are in control of your own life.

Complainers focus on what has happened, giving up their power. Winners focus on making things happen and using their power to find solutions to their challenges. You were born to create something magnificent with your life!! Solution-based thinking gives you that power. You have something special. You have GREATNESS within you!!” – Les Brown

Did I ever mention why having kids confuses me? Did I ever mention the downside of living with the family?

It’s 6 a.m. I am so frustrated, pissed off and struggling with my rage. I only slept 4 hours this night, thanks to my elder brother who shares the room with me; he’s making my sleeping habits suffer to the max because “I’m so grumpy” as he states.

The problem starts with me; I’m a very light sleeper but I’m improving and trying to avoid some external stimulus such as light and all kinds of noise. However, there’s a couple of things that still get on my nerves and will never be tolerated; scents in particular.

My brother is the kind of guy who does not understand through listening anymore; he has to go through whatever experience to learn the lesson or you’ll have to be harsh with him and that’s where I come in. He likes to be good looking so he does iron his clothes early in the morning next to me making all that barely audible yet extremely noisy sounds of whatever he’s touching. Oh, first things first, his alarm goes off on time to which he never responds, so it’s actually pointless. He starts coughing badly when he gets up due to the cigarettes he smokes everyday. Wearing his clothes, if and only if it’s all ready -if not, that’d be another long post to explain- putting hair gel or cream; it’s perfumed and the perfume goes directly to my brain cells through my nose and that’s enough to wake me up mentally even if the body doesn’t respond.

After work, he takes a long nap -though he doesn’t want to but can’t control himself- which means he’ll stay up till the late hours, wakes up late next morning and so on. Whether it’s day or night, morning or evening, he’s rowdy, clamorous and much more that I can’t cover!

For the past 10 days, my mom was travelling and I had to take care of the household chores; it’s tough, tough, tough and unfair to the parents. Parents do like the stuff, at least sometimes, but I find it so selfish of the kids to take their parents’ lives for granted and not give a damn.

Self-management is such an act of daily investments, a bit by bit. I’ve been trying to tell my brother, to make him understand the things we as a family ask from him, to help him be more disciplined in his life and not doing what annoys the others or opposes their freedom. Honestly, he’s trying to improve but not doing his best. I do blame him yet so emotional to take a severe action and change things by force. Success, I believe, starts from within ourselves and discipline is a big part of it.

My dad is not my favorite man, he’s not my idol or godfather, I’d always find something new to dislike about him and the ones that follow my blog know that but things changed when I started working with him where I was able to see things from a different angle, to look at how my dad treats people outside and how they respond to him. I actually had an opportunity to discover new sides of my dad’s character. Well, it didn’t take long until I got used to that and was back to my old critics and judgments.

Nonetheless, it still feels different sometimes when I’m more patient and considerate. Two months ago, my dad traveled to Jeddeh to do some work there, he was supposed to stay for a month when his boss extended his visa for another month. My mom decided to take a vacation and went there to spend the last 10 days with my dad. The first surprise hit me when my dad told me that he won’t come back and his staying there will be extended again for at least 2 months; I did not know what happen; well, I missed him, a little bit! Today, I discovered it was all a joke when he showed up with mom at the arrivals building. Something strange occurred, I held my dad tightly and insisted on loving him, I kissed him a couple of times before let go of him and was really happy to see him and mom. At the beginning, I was kind of skeptical to show my love for him, to show that I really miss his existence among us and that he truly means a big thing in our family.

We came back home, my brothers welcomed us and still I felt weak or vulnerable or whatever kind of feeling that made me hug my dad again and personally tell him that I miss him. We stayed up together unwrapping the gifts and talking about almost everything when suddenly I played a song by Fairouz that made me shed a few tears…

Parents are irreplaceable; no matter how good or bad they are, tough or relentless, they are still our parents and nothing will ever make up for their love and care… I truly am for all the times that I’d lost my nerves and got pissed off at my parents, it happens but I hope no more.

I am glad my parents had fun, lots of fun and good times together. I hope I can keep them happy for good and help them travel even more to see even nicer cities and countries. Thank God, they’ve got what they want and tonight it feels like everything has paid off!

Back when I was a kid, my dad and teachers used to tell us a lot of stories about the end of the world and the things that are going to happen as mentioned in the Quran as well as Hadith; the difficulty of the situation, the astonishment on everyone’s face and the unbelievably horrible events of that particular day. Well, it made me somehow look forward to that day to witness all of this, to see with my naked eyes what it means and how bad things are going to be.

I don’t actually deny any of what I’ve been taught but my point of view has now changed and I can or at least am trying to see things differently. God created this planet, found life on it and sent us here on a mission. He also put so many pleasures and joys yet rules on how to make the best out of everything available. Well, things got quite complicated all over the past endless years and life has changed so many times, either spiritually or even the tangible stuff, the physical things like biology.

Oh, I digress. What I’m trying to focus on is some people’s attitude toward this day, the end of the world. I have no idea why some of us are somehow trying to rush things; I can’t see a good point of such intentions and why being so negative about it. I mean if you can’t just live, then let live. We are created to enjoy, to love,to have fun and be happy. You can’t judge others presuming they’re wrong and act like you’ll win it all. There are so many things to discover and realize about life and existence, that all has something to do with your role here on earth because if you think you’re not going to be judged for the time wasted here, then I suppose you’re wrong.

One of my friends actually pushed my buttons tonight after he mentioned the end of the worlds as if he was looking forward to it to get what he has in mind neglecting the fact that he’s still here in a good shape to go after his dreams and make them come true. I was trying to see the world through his eyes if he were rich; would he be thinking about the same thing? about taking revenge or sorry letting God take revenge of his enemies on his own? I am saying that with such good intentions, I’m not perfect and get pissed off as well as angry so many times on so many things but the point is that we have power, strength beyond our imagination, life is good and worth living so why wasting time blaming others and waiting for things to happen to us?

I don’t know what kind of experiences people go through that make them so negative and grumpy. It must be hard, and I pray to God to keep us all fine and help us enjoy our times here but I am trying to help, to deliver a message, to open some eyes…

Sometimes I’m reminded of this little theory that I developed over the years of which I’m still not sure whether it’s true or it’s just my unintentional belief in it that makes it true. I feel like everyone of us has a certain amount of good times and bad times during the day so if you laugh a lot in the morning, that means your evening may not be as enjoyable.

Well, I never told anybody about that. However, when I did confide to my sister last week, she threw a quick judgmental comment on me “Ahmed, you’re insane!”… what? NO, i’m not, it’s just a feeling and it happened to me just the same day I revealed my little theory to her.

Well, because it could always be worse, things actually get a little bit crazier in my mind; it’s said “nothing worth having comes easy”, that freaks me out… why? why the heck it can’t just come easy to us? why do we have to struggle to get what we want and what we like? I know we’d appreciate it better, way better when it takes more effort but it still can come easily yet so highly appreciated, right?

My friend and I were talking the other day about me getting a job and I told him I don’t want to do what every other guy in my age does to get the job because simply I’m not them and they’re not me, I mean I don’t have to struggle as much to get a job; we have different beliefs, yet different destinies! The idea sometimes strikes me; will I ever be as good as my friends are if I don’t do the same things they’ve all done?! It’s that awkward moment when doubt begins to creep in!

I am sometimes a little afraid to enjoy my craziness to the max, it makes me feel like I have to stop that and thank God for such good times but in fact, I do thank God every second and appreciate all His blessings, I may not be doing every thing God told me to do but I swear I love Him and want Him to only give me a chance, help me bring out the best in me and to give me time as well as good health to do everything I have in mind.

Toady, I believe we are blessed and we all should or must be happy not because it’s a good thing but the reason simply is that we were never created to grieve or dwell on bad times. Our inner strength, beliefs and determination accompanied with God’s will have the power to transform our lives to something marvelous and magical that never happened before…