The ultimate 9-step guide to being a stylish - and brilliant - bridesmaid

Wedding season = bridesmaid season. But with so many potential pitfalls, how's a first-time 'maid to get it right? Veteran bridesmaid Emily Cronin and novice Charlie Gowans-Eglinton chat it out...

Emily: So you're going to be a bridesmaid. Congratulations!

Charlie: Thanks? Please note the intentional question mark. Is this as bad as it's cracked up to be?

Emily: Bad? Don't you mean is this the wondrous, friendship-affirming honour it's cracked up to be? Aren't you relishing the prospect of supporting your closest friends through international hen dos, bridal showers and destination weddings?

Charlie: Oh, sure, that too. Full to the brim of relish. And I can prove it, with just two words: Nikki Beach.

Emily: Yeah, it's good to be a favourite.

Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne in Bridesmaids Credit:
Rex

Charlie: Still, Marbella isn't far to go. Have you caught up on your jetlag yet?

Emily: You mean because I've just returned from my latest tour of duty? Just about. Although the blisters and Spanx marks have yet to fade.

This was my third and possibly final time as a bridesmaid, and I think I've gotten the hang of it. Which is why the most important question is: What do you have to wear?

Charlie: Strapless blush pink. From a distance, I look nude. That said, I'd still prefer to be seen from a distance.

Emily: Thanks. I have to say I've been lucky on this front - the first two times, I wore dresses I already had hanging in my wardrobe.

This time around, the eminently practical bride had us order dresses from an Etsy vendor based in China - all we had to do was supply something like 27 obscure measurements ('hollow to floor', etc), choose a silhouette and send £75 to the seamstress.

Charlie: Lucky! Did you coordinate with the other bridesmaids to match? Or was the bride happy for it to be an eclectic mix?

My second bride assigned us shades on the blush-to-grey spectrum, an aesthetic I toppled by being pregnant with twins. I ended up wearing the only relatively on-theme dress that fit: a £14 clearance buy from H&M.

Charlie: That looks like the genuine smile of woman not wearing corsetry. Do you think it's better to be given the choice, then? Or would you rather the bride do the decision making (and leg work)?

Emily: I don't know, I'm kind of perversely attracted to the idea of someone else dictating what I should wear. You kind of don't get the full experience if you have the freedom to choose your own dress.

Wedding Crashers, 2005Credit:
Rex

Charlie: Ha - full bridesmaid immersion. And dare I ask - who picked up the bill? £14 in H&M is one thing, but the bill for a custom made dress is another...

Emily: Oh, in American weddings, the bridesmaids always pay. That's how you get such impressive covens.

How did you react when you saw your pink dress? Was there a consultation process?

Charlie: I was the guinea pig, actually. Of the five bridesmaids, one is pregnant, one a new mother, and two live out of London. I spent a day disrobing in Westfield to choose a style before we ordered online. The other four cast their votes over Whatsapp - it's not easy if you can't all be in one place.

Emily: What a sport! After all that effort, I hope you only put forward contenders that you felt totally happy with.

Charlie: Well, one can always detag. Sounds like there's a lot more to this bridesmaid lark than I thought. Is it worth it?

Emily: The whole thing is rather retro, isn't it? I know some people are against the whole idea of bridesmaids - but there's also something (cheese alert) emotionally rich about standing up for your closest friends, as long as they are in fact your closest friends.

Filming the Sex and the City wedding scene, 2007Credit:
Rex

Charlie: How many bridesmaids did you have at your wedding - and would you still have asked them if you knew how much you were asking?

Emily: I asked my 'maids to wear black cocktail dresses of their choice. They mutinied and forced me to at least give them a colour - so they all picked different dresses in the same fabric and colour, from the same designer. I think they liked it...

Charlie: But that's the story of wedding planning, isn't it?

Emily: Whipsawing from no opinion to one highly specific choice? Absolutely. With that, let's share tips, crowdsourced from the team, on how to be a good bridesmaid...

1. First things first: think it over

Don't feel bad for politely declining if someone asks you to be her bridesmaid and you don't want to - It doesn't make you any less of a friend.

2. If the dress is 'bridesmaid's choice', ask more questions

Try to find out what the bride really wants. Ask about the setting, her flowers, any colours she would prefer you avoid - and then send her a non-overwhelming number of fitting-room selfies so she can weigh in. Conversation is a good thing. Chances are that even the chillest-seeming bride will discover that she does in fact have an opinion about what she'd like you to wear.

3. Make friends with a tailor

Rare is the woman whose bridesmaid dress fits on the first go-round, even if it's a made-to-measure job. As soon as you receive your dress, take it to a trusted tailor (with the shoes and undergarments you intend to wear in tow) for adjustments. Minor ones, like taking up straps or adding lingerie loops to keep bras in place, can make you feel much more secure in a dress you might not otherwise have chosen. (Your tailor can also take out the thick, built-in foam cups that come in some dresses and create a super-padded/weirdly shaped look.) And don't wait until closer to the date 'just in case' you slim down - get it to fit perfectly as soon as possible to avoid a last-minute rush.

4 ...but don't count on wearing the dress again

Before you justify the purchase of an extravagant dress for your best friend/sister-in-law/housemate's wedding, take a quick poll of women around you to see how many of them have actually re-worn past bridesmaid dresses. Probably no one. Save your pennies for a dress that doesn't have to meet anyone else's brief.

5. BYO hair and/or makeup

The best way to avoid a contouring nightmare and actually look like yourself at a wedding is to style your hair and/or makeup your way. Or at least bring photos from past events when you've been happy with the way your beauty styling turned out. Lots of brides have a specific 'do in mind, but might be happy for you to do your own make-up -so you'll match the others, but still look like yourself. But if you're planning bright lippy - even if it's your signature - then ask first. Repeat after me: not your day, not your day...

6. Put as much thought into the shoes as the dress

Bridesmaids' duties equal a lot of time on your feet, so a last minute, ill-advised shoe choice could ruin your day.

7. Rehearse the photos, too

If you're all wearing different dresses, try to get together before to take a picture of all together... The dresses which all looked like they would co-ordinate in separate photos might not look so uniform once you're together, and photos are an important memento of the day.

8. The bride decides (AKA it's not about you)

Ultimately everything is your friend the bride's decision. If the colour is Cadbury purple, then the colour is Cadbury purple. If you only ever wear natural nails and she wants to treat everyone to French gel manicures, then you're getting your first gel manicure. And while you might consider downplaying a 'bold' dress with subtle accessories, this isn't really the time for displays of individuality. (One anonymous Telegraph Fashion staffer has seen friends fall out with brides because they sneaked off to change into something more comfortable once dancing started - make diplomatic enquiries as to how long you're expected to remain in your dress.)