8 Outrageously Annoying Tech Videos

Most TV commercials are annoying, but the tech industry takes the cake for making ads so bad that you have to question if it was intentional.

Ever seen Snakes on a Plane? Now imagine that the creators were given the Microsoft account and told, “Make us look cool with one of those ‘viral videos’ that we hear the kids are so excited about these days.” What else explains the awfulness of these commercials and infomercials?

Who, in their wildest imagination, would think a video of a woman puking on her husband — three times — would increase the appeal of Internet Explorer 8? Or that a creepy, unbelievably diverse group of weirdos hosting a “Launch Party” would help sell Windows 7? We were close to puking ourselves.

Those are just a few examples of what you’re about to witness. Here, we round up a list of the 8 most God-awful, weird, and horrible-beyond-apprehension tech video ads we’ve ever seen. In Jay Leno fashion, we’ll run down the list in reverse order, from least offensive to most offensive, for the sake of your stomachs. Hang on tight.

8. MSI’s Butt-Crack-Compatible Notebooks

We can only imagine the altered mental state that MSI’s marketing team was when it concocted this bizarre ad. We’re sure these spandex-clad actors aren’t really catching notebooks with their butts — and it’s a little funny — but geez Louise, it tickles us. That doesn’t mean we’re perverts, does it?

7. Nintendo’s Cross-Dressing Legend of Zelda

In conversations about the Legend of Zelda videogame series, we’re well aware that a lot of people mistakenly call Link, the main character of the game, Zelda. That’s a funny mistake, because Link is the dude, and Zelda is the chick. Perhaps Nintendo was poking fun at the Zelda-Link mixup when the company decided to cast a woman to play Link in this old Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past commercial. That or Nintendo is just weird. Actually, the rap song and the dancing make the latter theory seem stronger.

6. GE’s Soulful Tribute to Its Locomotives

Why are there even GE Locomotive commercials? Who the hell is going to go out and buy a locomotive after watching a video on YouTube? We can tell this was an attempt at a clever joke, but the grizzly, bearded actors, who are probably just glad to have jobs at all in this day of industrial offshoring, don’t deliver. Bonus: There’s a keytar!
(Thanks for suggesting this one, @CycleFreak!)

5. Pets.com’s Tone-Deaf Sock Puppet

Pets.com should’ve taken a tip from the Taco Bell chihuahua, who was a charming cutie. Boy was this website lazy with this sorry excuse for a puppet. It looks like it was haphazardly stitched together by Rosie O’Donnell’s character in Another One Rides the Bus. If you’re a pet community website, just use a real freaking dog! And this video, which features the sock puppet singing in a painfully off-key way, is the worst of the bunch. Even the nameless Wired.com staffers who kinda liked the sock puppet hate this commercial.
(Good call on this one, @AlexisMadrigal)

4. Palm’s Creepy Ice Maiden

An affectless, eyebrowless lady soft-talking like Christian Bale certainly sent shivers down our spines, but we doubt it really helped sell Palm Pre phones. Bonus: parody videos like this one!

3. Microsoft’s Cringeworthy Songsmith Spot

Microsoft should publish a book called How to Annoy Consumers and Humiliate People. In American Idol fashion, Microsoft must have done a casting call for people with laryngitis, just to demonstrate that Songsmith can give even the worst vocalists the power to sing. Well, the ad convinces us of the complete opposite. Thanks to the trauma from watching this video, I probably have a psychological trigger that compels me to immediately punch a person in the jaw if I ever see them singing in front of a computer.
(Kudos for calling this one out, @a1by and @pushkin504!)

2. Microsoft’s Cheesy Windows 7 Launch Party

This one’s especially astounding because the Windows 7 operating system is surprisingly cool — so it was difficult to conceive that the product’s marketing team could be so utterly lame. You’d have to be a neutered space alien to identify with any of these soulless beings gathering for a “launch party” for Windows 7. Because, sure, sane human beings do that. The last time I saw a video with such an awkwardly eerie vibe was when I wrote a research paper on the Heaven’s Gate cult. Yeah, you know — that video they shot right before they committed mass suicide. Same feeling. The only thing that saves this informercial is that there’s a shorter parody video, which is hilarious.

This video is so bad, it almost takes the cake for the most horrible tech promo video of all time — except for the fact that Microsoft made one even worse earlier this year.

1. Microsoft’s OMGIGP, a.k.a. That Puking Video

When Microsoft met with me to talk about Internet Explorer 8, the company reps said Microsoft’s goal with IE8 was to erase perceptions of Internet Explorer 6. Apparently lurid images of puking were part of that strategy. Sorry, Microsoft, but I still remember the atrocious IE 6 as clearly as the time I suffered from near-death pneumonia. And your puke-fest video makes me want to keep a more-than-safe distance from IE 8.