Why are men so hard to understand?

MEN ARE FROM MARS: Is mens' behaviour really that hard to decipher or are women just bad at understanding it?

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There are many things women fail to understand about men. Such as why men like sports. And why they like to watch sport while having sex.

Why they'll commit to some women and not others. Why they're so obsessed with man food. Why they get moody.

Why they perve on other women so discernibly ... even if they're sitting opposite the hottest woman in the room.

Why they don't like to talk about their feelings. Why they don't like it when you talk about your feelings.

The list goes on ... but the theme is always the same: why are men so difficult to understand?

OK, we know what the men are about to say: "But we are straightforward creatures with one thing on our mind - our freedom. Don't mess with it!"

But that's not enough. Questions still abound. But here are some things I've recently learnt about men that go against everything women once thought about how men think and behave.

So herein lie my top four things that men don't really give a toss about. And in case you think I'm lying ... you can ask them yourselves.

How you look naked

There's a brilliant line in the book (or the movie - whatever you fancy) Eat, Pray, Love, in which the protagonist Elizabeth Gilbert (played by Julia Roberts in the Hollywood version), is swanning about Italy eating and drinking to her heart's content.

Her friend turns to her and says she can't eat another thing for fear she's already put on too much weight to which Elizabeth (Julia), turns to her, and says, "In all the years that you have undressed in front of a gentleman, has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl - he's just won the lottery!"

Sure, no one wants to date someone (of either sex) who's let themselves go to the point of no return, but a few kilos here and there are nothing to stress over when it comes to nabbing a man. As Julia Roberts protests, if your skinny jeans don't fit, just get new jeans.

How much make-up you're wearing

On a balmy hot afternoon the other day, after a long day at the beach, men in board shorts and women in bikinis swarmed to a nearby popular nightspot. The women stood in line for the bathroom in droves, waiting to reapply their eyeliner, check their cleavage and swap their sandals for stilettos.

The men just came straight into the bar, sat down and ordered a drink. None of the blokes really cared about how they looked nor whether they sported a crop of sea hair or not.

"Do you really think men care all that much about whether you're wearing lip gloss or not?" one man told a woman who seemed to be reapplying it with vigour.

Well, he had a point.

I'm often asked by women how to dress for a date; what colour lipstick to wear and which heels I reckon might be more suitable to nabbing the man of their dreams than others.

But here's the truth: look around the room at the women who get the men. Are they the ones in luminous red lipstick with super-coiffed, slick hair-dos and skirts so short, teamed with wedges so high you wonder how they'll even get to the end of the room let alone be able to go up to a man and ask for his number?

I think not.

Men have articulated time and time again that it's the woman who can pull off jeans and a T-shirt with flat shoes and silky natural hair that makes them look twice ...

Hairless isn't always the way to go

Many times I've heard men say they don't really care if a woman forgets to shave her legs or if she isn't sporting a spray tan. (Especially if she's naked.)

Of course basic grooming is imperative. And of course there are preferences. And of course there are rules when it comes to a woman looking after herself. After all, no man likes to get into bed with a woman resembling a character from a Tarzan movie. But he also doesn't want to see what he deems "a high maintenance woman" either.

The amount of money you make

A friend who moved to Los Angeles and back to "find herself" and then found herself back with the man she started with, told it to me like this: "When your man doesn't care when you lose weight, put on weight, make money or don't make money - when he doesn't judge you for not wearing the latest designer dresses or whether your hair is blow-dried straight or not - and when you can finally appreciate that person for who they are and you know they love you for you ... that's when you know."

I think it also comes down to self-acceptance.

What men do care about

There are certain things men do care about: a woman in a bar without a bra; when you're not wearing any underwear, sport tattoos (depending on the bloke), smoke, drink too much or tell them you want a relationship after one date.

In fact just the other day, I saw a man talking to his mates about his choice between two women. One was immaculately dressed, perfectly coiffed, preened and groomed to an inch of her life.

After one night with this man, she turned to a mutual friend and told her to stay away from him. "He's my boyfriend!" she exclaimed. The man was shocked.

The next girl slept with him just as quickly, but she didn't flinch after they did the horizontal hanky panky. She didn't ask him for a commitment or whether he was seeing other girls. She didn't give a toss. And after a few months of dating and a proposal, she was the one who won out in the end...

Oh, and in case you're wondering why your man is moody?

"It's quite often our way of saying we just want a big chicken schnitzel ... " says one man.