Wednesday, April 22, 2009

AMERICAN IDOL -- Disco Night

When I think of the Disco era I think of Clive James dead-on description:

“Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.”

Disco was the theme this week and Paula was the moron. After several weeks of near lucidity even, Paula was at her over-medicated best. This was her best night since she critiqued a performer’s song before he sang it.

LIL ROUNDS (the judges’ punching bag) got it started with “Climb Every Woman” or at least that’s what I think she was saying. It will take the Jaws of Life to get her out of that Spandex jumpsuit. The panel hated Lil of course. Paula accused her of not “tapping into her inner goddess.” You just wonder how many “goddesses” and “imaginary friends” and “Miss Californias” reside inside Paula.

KRIS ALLEN sang Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard for the Money” as if it were Kenny Loggins night. Disco unplugged. Paula observed that a lot of women shop in the men's department but few men shop in the women's department. I’m not quite sure whether she was praising Kris or Ryan.

DANNY GOKEY did Earth Wind & Fire’s “September”. His lead vocal was far superior to Earth’s original. Paula zeroed in on the mark of a good singer – his agility.

ALLISON IRAHETA understood that disco music is all about suffering. She gave a gut-wrenching rendition of Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff” that evoked traumatic memories of losing dance contests. I think Paula put it best. “The word compromise does not belong in your musical vocabulary.”

ADAM LAMBERT, now with dyed jet black Johnny Bravo hair, displayed his savvy yet again by taking a Bee Gees song “If I Can’t Have You” and turning it into a ballad. This time for me he was a little overwrought and theatrical. Paula didn’t agree. She was literally crying. With tears in her raccoon mascaraed eyes she said, “Adam, you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.” He nodded solemnly, all the while his “inner goddess” was laughing her ass off.

MATT GIRAUD sang “Stayin’ Alive” and of course had to go to his off-key falsetto. If he were singing “Old Man River” he’d find a way to work in his falsetto. He wore a red leather jacket, white shirt with the tails out, black tie, and funky hat. It’s as if one of the Blues Brothers became a Shriner. Paula’s comment hit the usual bullseye. “You pick songs like I bowl.”

ANOOP DESAI is growing a moustache and beard. I don’t think it will earn him any votes but it will get him full body cavity searches every time he tries to board an airplane in the US. He wore a grey suit with a pink sweater, a combination not seen since the bridesmen at Pat Boone’s wedding. Anoop closed the show with “Dim All the Lights”. Paula’s astute observation: “Real men know how to wear pink.” Seriously. The woman is out of her mind.

Two people get thrown into the Disco Inferno tonight. Lil and who else? Your thoughts.

25 comments
:

Gee... you only noted Paula's comments? What about Simon, Kara, and Randy? No insulting positive criticism? No "Paula's a nut but here's what the REAL critics would say..."? No dawgin' it? On DISCO night?

Ken, I never watch American Idol; all I know about it is what I read from you... which suits my television watching just perfectly. I feel so clever when I read what you say about them... I doubt if I'd feel anything besides suiciding brain cells if I actually watched the damned thing. Thanks!

wv: toheat - "This little piggy went to Phoenix, this little piggy had lava, this little piggy's in a parka..."

The contestants were trying desperately to make silk purses out of a batch of cow's ear songs.

Kris, who was dressed as Simon, made an odd ballad out of SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY. The judges all loved it. I was waiting for at least one judge to say that the arrangement of that song made them giggle. It certainly made ME giggle. Did Kris realize what that song was about? And the judges, even Simon, praised his vocals. Am I the only one who heard his voice go to pieces on his last power(less) note at the end?

Since I don't like Daniel Geekey (I have this aversion to ministers, priests, preachers, and any and all manner of religious professionals), I was annoyed that even I couldn't deny he was good this evening. Plus he had a relatively good song, in an evening of crap songs.

Alison showed us what Janis Joplin would have done if she'd lived to do Donna Summers covers. (Did Janis OD deliberately, to avoid the then-upcoming Disco era?) It was even funnier than Kris's arrangement.

Adam was amazing. He took a song I strongly dislike and made it SEEM good. It was like a beautifully decorated shit cake.

I do like Adam better when he gets his hair out of his face. The bangs he usually wears look horrible, almost-but-not-quite as bad as Zac Efron's retarded hairstyle.

Adam left his torn-out heart on the stage? Ew. I'd pity the next contestant having to wade through Adam's gore, except it was Matt.

Why did they save Matt last week? Was it just pure malice towards the audience? I actually missed the save last week. They announced he was going home. He began his farewell encore. I thought "Why would I want to hear this crap a second time?" and changed the channel. It never occurred to me in a million years that he would be saved.

Matt's outfit was ghastly. He had that white-boy-trying-to-look-black-and-hip look. It looked more like a Halloween costume, or a kid dressed in his gay uncle's clothes. He sang a song I LOATHE, and performed an arrangement that did the impossible; it made me long for the original version. It's amazing how stupid, extremely stupid, "Ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive" sounds sung solo by a man in his chest voice. And of course, his final falsetto run was appalling. He was screeching around, trying to find a pitch that harmonized with the rest of the music, and never found one.

Paula got it wrong about Anoop's ridiculous sweater, which he definitly got from a gay uncle. Real men know not to wear pink.

I suspect Matt & Lil will get the boot, with Anoop in the bottom 3.

Can't we just declare Adam the winner and go home now? I just got BBC America added to my cable line up, and the boys on ANY DREAM WILL DO sing so much better. And there, "You sound like a Broadway singer" is a compliment, not an insult.

Useless trivia, but it's stuck in my mind: "If I Can't Have You." Think it was sung by Yvonne Elliman on the Sat Night Fever LP, not Bee Gees. Adam last night reminded me of Bill Walton vs. Memphis State in the NCAA title game of '73. He's in a class all by himself.

My thoughts are that I can't watch a show, let alone read a blog post where someone is allowed to by on drugs and disorderly. Maybe it's just me, but I have standards for my viewership. Get rid of Paula and perhaps the show will still be standing. I'd hanker a guess it will soar.

Of course, Simon will take all the credit, but that's beside the point. I'll always know it was you who pushed me over the edge with your clear logic.

Gibbtrivia followup: "If I Can't Have You" was sung on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack by yvonne elliman, but it also is accurate to call it a Bee Gees song, because some or all of them brothers wrote the song and the group recorded it as well (b-side of one of the SNFever hits?)

The last words of Ken's column were "Your thoughts?" I gave mine. You have a problem with that? Did someone force you at gunpoint to read my comments? Some of the regular commenters here seem usually to enjoy my perspectives, even when they disagree with them, although a certain Mrs. DiGarmo didn't.

"Dhppy said... Oh, I didn't realize that was you in the center of the photo."

It must have been Ken's darkening glasses. When it's hiding his identity around Matt & Anoop, it's not so embarassing.

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Named one of the BEST 25 BLOGS by TIME Magazine. Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created three series. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres. and Dodger Talk. He hosts the podcast HOLLYWOOD & LEVINE

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