Real Life. Real Faith. Real Women.

Tag: Purpose of life

If someone were to ask you “who are you?”, what would be your answer? We often confuse who we are for what we do. For instance, I might answer, “I’m Kristy Wyatt. I’m a writer, musician, and (most importantly) a mom.” And while those are all parts of me and what I do, they are not who I am.

Who we are, and who we think we are can be very different things as well. People who don’t have a clear understanding of their self-worth will likely have skewed self-esteem also. This is something I’ve struggled with for years. When someone tells me I’m beautiful, I reply, “I’m fat.” When someone compliments me on a talent I have, I deflect the compliment by telling them something I’m not good at – like visual art, for example. I know I’m not the only one out there who can’t seem to accept that someone else sees something good in them. But, why? How did we go from the innocent child who accepted compliments as truth, to this woman who doesn’t believe she’s worth a whole lot?

I imagine the answer to that would be a little different for every woman out there. We all have our own stories. But I’m willing to bet money that we all have one thing in common: We’ve lost sight of who we are in Christ. Our true identities lie in Him. But we tend to look elsewhere for our self-worth and identities.

If God can see our worth, why can’t we?

We have let society influence us. We are constantly shown the disillusion of perfection. Magazines, television/movies, and social media have wiggled their way into our subconscious. We can’t help but compare ourselves to others in looks, finances, success – the list goes on. We forget that these things are not the whole truth. Often times, they’re not the truth at all.

We listen to the naysayers. If you’re like me, you have people in your life that are your biggest cheerleaders and those in your life who are your biggest critics. Constructive criticism is helpful. But there are those people who are perpetually negative. There is nothing positive in what they say. And yes, we tend to listen to these critics far more than our supporters. We need to remember that people who are overly negative and bring you down are usually projecting their issues onto you. Find a couple of people you can trust for truth. Be careful who you allow to influence you.

We’re disconnected from God. (If you’ve read this blog for any period of time, you’ll see this tends to be a theme.) When there is a disconnect with God, we lose sight of His plan for us. When we aren’t living out his plan for our lives, we start to feel as though life is meaningless. I’ve been in both places, and I can tell you from experience that when I lived life for myself, I had never been more unhappy or lost. But living my life the way He has led me to is giving me such purpose and an inner joy like I’ve never known before. Sure, I have a long way to go. But every day, when I spend time with Him, seeking His will, my skewed vision of my self-worth becomes a little clearer.

So, who are you? You are the daughter of the king. That’s right, love! You’re a princess. God loves you. Take a deep breath and digest that. He. Loves. You. What have we done to deserve His love? Nothing. His love isn’t based on merit, good deeds, or because we totally rocked the talent show in 6th grade. He loves us more than our human minds can understand because we are His. He has never seen anything more beautiful than you. He has never been more interested in anything more than His interest in you. He has never wanted to spend time with anyone more than He wants to spend time with you. Are you feeling special yet?

Most importantly, you are worth the cost of forgiveness. You were worth the price Jesus paid on the cross for our freedom. You are worth it.

I can’t stress this enough to you beautiful, talented, amazing women reading this post. You are worth more than anything. You are loved by the one true God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. (Which, c’mon, changes constantly, right? #IShedLikeMyDog) He cares so much about you that He gave His only Son to make sure that He could spend eternity with you. Stop looking for your worth in things of this world. You are worth the love of God. And there is nothing greater than that.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

God is within her, she will not fall. Psalm 46:5

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Proverbs 31:26

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Song of Solomon 4:7

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I’ve heard it said many times that God won’t give you more than you can handle. Recently, I learned that is untrue. You see, I am in the middle of a storm. My heart is absolutely broken right now. I get up, I go to work. I smile, crack a few jokes. I try to focus on my to-do list. I shuffle kids around in the evening, and then it’s a mad rush to get everything done before going to bed. All of that is fine. I’m busy and that keeps my mind from going to the dark place that I know waits for me in the silence. The place that utterly terrifies me. The place where the pain is overwhelming and it actually steals my breath. As I lie there in a fetal position, the pain won’t be denied any longer, and I know this is more than I can bear on my own.

I believe storms like this are more than we mere humans can handle on our own strength. I also believe that that is by design. If things are always somewhere on a scale of great to not good, we wouldn’t learn to rely on God. But when life falls somewhere between horrible and devastating, as much as we might try, we can’t make it through without Him.

Why we don’t seek God in storms:

We don’t realize how bad it really is. Sometimes we’re caught in a somewhat delusional state. Sure, we know our situation is not good, but this is nothing we can’t handle, right? Wrong. Pastor Rick Warren once said that seeking God should be our first response to everything, rather than waiting until the situation is dire to cry out to Him. We forget that God is always there waiting for us. He never strays away from us.

Pride. Have you ever hung out with a one-year-old? Have you ever watched them try to climb onto the sofa, but they just can’t quite get on? You reach over and try to help them, but they swat your hand away and say, “I can do it by myself!” That is often us. God wants to help us, to heal us, but we push Him away and say, “I’ve got this, God.” But we don’t. We need Him in every situation. Good, bad, and otherwise.

We’ve forgotten about Him. If we aren’t used to talking to God, there’s a good chance you will wait to reach out to Him until you feel like there is nothing left but God. Don’t wait! Let Him love you through this time.

I’m still learning how to decipher when God is speaking to me and when my brain is speaking to me. But there was once in a very broken state I actually heard God speak to me. I know, some of you are rolling your eyes. But it’s true. As I lay in bed, crying, begging for sleep to overtake me, I heard, “I am here.” An immediate calmness came over my shaking body. God was there, and though I couldn’t feel His arms around me, I felt held, I felt loved, and finally, I slept.

How Do We Seek God In The Storm?

Seek God relentlessly. You need strength, love, and hope. He is the source of all of these. Have you ever seen the episode of The Office where Pam and Jim use a Bluetooth to stay on the phone all day? (I love The Office. LOL) Imagine you have a Bluetooth in your ear at all times with God on the line, waiting to talk to you about everything. Talk to Him. He’s listening.

Read scripture. There are several ways to do this. The most obvious is a Bible. But if you don’t have one, you can visit several websites like this one to read scripture. You can also get the Bible app on your phone or tablet for free. Or, if you need a pretty picture, Pinterest is full of pretty pictures with scripture. I believe God will reveal what He wants to you through His word.

Pray. There is power in prayer. Pray passionately. Don’t worry about what you think you should say, don’t be formal. Just speak to Him.

God uses all things for His glory – even our storms. Without the storm I’m currently in, I wouldn’t have started this site. Now, every day, I hear from at least one woman who says these posts, posts that are inspired by the love of God, have touched them and made a difference in their lives. God is using my pain, this storm to reach others in His name! How AMAZING is that?

Ladies, remember one thing: God loves you! He loves you madly, wildly, passionately. The creator wants to hear from you! He desires to be a part of your life. If that isn’t something to celebrate, I truly don’t know what is. Allow Him to fill you with joy even in the middle of a storm. Allow Him to use you in all your circumstances. You’ll be absolutely amazed at what He can do through us when we stop trying to live life on our strength.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

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I tend to talk about mindset a lot and there’s a good reason. Mindset can make or break your dreams and goals. It is the difference between joy and bitterness, success and defeat, faith and hopelessness. This particular mindset can take root and be very difficult to fight out of. I’m talking about the victim mindset.

Remaining in a victim mindset is the most destructive thing you can do to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Notice I said “remaining in a victim mindset”. The truth is we have all been victims of something hurtful in our lives. Some have been physically and/or emotionally abused, some sexually assaulted, mistreated, hurt, betrayed, the list can go on forever. We live in a broken world with broken people. We have all been a victim and we have every right to feel what we feel about that situation. However, sometimes we get stuck there and never move on. Sometimes we can’t get over being a victim and we start to see ourselves as a victim in every other relationship and situation.

Why we can’t live in our victim mindset:

True, you have every right to feel victimized. You have been deeply hurt. And sometimes we have to spend a little time in the victim mindset to even wrap our heads around it. This is where it gets dangerous. After a while, we either pick ourselves up and rise a stronger person, or we let that familiar mindset take deep root in our lives, allowing bitterness, anger, and distrust to play a leading role in our lives.

When we live in the victim mindset, we sabotage ourselves. We become jealous of all the good things others have and take it as a personal attack that we don’t have those things too. Our unhappiness pours out from us no matter how hard we try to hide it. We tend to have negative responses and attitudes about everything, effectively causing our bosses to look elsewhere for advancement, spouses to shut down, and friendships to end. At that point, we feel sorry for ourselves because everything is a mess, not realizing how different it could have been if we’d been in a healthier frame of mind.

We see everything as a competition. Your sibling might have a bigger house – you feel envious, your coworker got a promotion – you start to look for their weaknesses and criticize them to others to make yourself seem like a better choice, someone has a talent that you feel you should have, so you come up with a weak excuse not to like them. In this state of mind, we are unable to truly be happy for others.

So what does it take to break out of the victim mindset?

First, and foremost, seek God. He is the ultimate healer. You may find that you’re mad at Him for “allowing” whatever you went through to happen. That’s okay. Tell Him. Yell at Him if you have to because here’s a little secret: He already knows. So tell Him. Tell Him how much you hurt. Tell Him you need healing. His promises are true. He will not leave you to go through this alone. Only He can reveal how this awful situation will be used for His plan, but trust this: His plan is perfect. He will not leave nor forsake you. He will heal you.

Talk to a counselor. There is something about just talking and being real with no filter that is therapeutic. You can’t hold all of the emotions, thoughts, memories in forever. You have to let them out if you’re going to move on. They can also give you helpful emotional/mental exercises and tools to help you on your way to a healthy mindset.

Make the decision. Ultimately, you have to want to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know it’s hard. We get comfortable in our pity party, but that is not a party we need to attend. We have to choose to move on. It can be a long road, but the grass truly is greener on the other side. Imagine a life of joy! You can have that again.

This world is full of heartbreak. We all have a story. But we must remember that with God, all things are possible! All things. If you are residing in a victim state of mind, you may have felt a bit attacked in this post. Please let me assure you this was written with so much love. God’s plan for you is joy, wholeness, and a close relationship with Him. It is possible! You just have to take the first step toward healing – seek God.

“LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalms 30:2

The righteous cry, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalms 34:17-20

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

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How many times do we say “I can’t…” in a day? A week? A year? How many opportunities, or chances do we miss by giving up before we even begin? There are a few reasons why one might think they can’t do something. And I’m going to discredit these reasons, effectively giving us no excuses. Are you ready for the truth?

Reason #3 why we say “I can’t”:

We’re scared. This is arguably the most common reason we tell ourselves that we can’t do something. Now, we don’t want to admit that we’re scared, because hey! We have our pride, right? If we don’t take chances, we’ll never fail. If we never fail, our egos are never bruised. If we keep things simple, we always look good. We decide to settle for careers that don’t challenge us. We convince ourselves that while we see a need, we aren’t the right “fit” to fill that need. We often leave the difficult tasks to others who are more “qualified” than we are. Why do we do this? Why do we let fear and pride hold us back? Easy. We do this because we are thinking about tackling these obstacles with only our strength and abilities.

As Christian women, we have access to the power of the creator. Read that again. Let that sink in. We have access to His power! We are all likely familiar with Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. All things. Ladies, let me tell you something that I hope changes the way you look at your life. You have a talent, you have a passion, and it is not by accident. God has blessed every single one of us with talents in different areas because He wants to use us. And the passion! If you think you are not a passionate person, you need to dig deeper. God made us all passionate about something. If you ask God where and how He wants you to serve, He will show you. Once you find your place in serving, you will feel a passion rise inside of you that you didn’t know existed.

When we start undertaking our dreams, talents, passions, obstacles, ministries, motherhood, marriage using His power instead of ours, there is nothing that we can’t do.

Reason #2 why we say “I can’t”:

We may not have the support of our spouse and/or family members. This is such a difficult place to be. If you are in this position, it’s likely you’ve dreamed of something for a long time. You may have even begun the journey to reach your goals, achieve that dream, or serve God the way you feel led. But despite your efforts, you give up because it’s hurting your relationship. You finally say, “I can’t sacrifice my marriage for this.” And you’re right. If you actively seek your goals when your spouse doesn’t support them, either your goal or the relationship will fail.

But don’t give up! There is another option. If we take a moment to really examine the situation, we will see that this is a job for God, not us! We as human beings do not have the power to change hearts. But it just so happens that God specializes in that very thing.

I challenge you to change your focus. Pray for your spouse instead of praying for yourself and your dream/goal. Pray for your spouse to seek God and His plan. Have an honest and open conversation with your spouse about why you feel led to do whatever it is you want to do and then pray about it together. Finally, speak to your pastor and/or a Christian counselor. All of these actions will give God opportunities to work in your marriage/relationship in multiple ways. Trust me when I say if God wants this to happen, He will make a way.

Reason #1 why we say, “I can’t”:

We’re lazy. Ouch. The truth hurts, huh? We have grown complacent in our lives. We live happily in our comfort zone and the thought of all the work we’d have to do is not appealing. We justify these thoughts by telling ourselves “I’m too busy” or “I’m too old” or “Someone else will do it”. But if God is calling you to do something, no excuse will work. This happens to be something I have personal experience in…

I sang on the worship team for nine years at a church. Singing is a true passion of mine, and singing for God – there really are no words to describe how fulfilling it is. However, due to unfortunate circumstances, we left that church feeling hurt and betrayed. I wallowed in self-pity for two years by choosing to sleep in on Sundays. I didn’t make any effort to further my relationship with God, and I didn’t serve.

My best friend belongs to a local church and she invited me to go every time we talked. Every. Time. It was so annoying! LOL. She even tried to bribe me with chocolate! (I didn’t mind that so much.) God had been telling me to go. But, alas, I am a stubborn daughter. I came up with excuse after excuse, continued to tell God and my bestie “no” over and over. But my time to say “no” ran out.

At a local skating rink for my bestie’s son’s birthday party, she introduced me to someone. She said, “Kristy, this is Pastor Brett. Brett, Kristy wants to sing on the worship team.” Then she turned around and walked away while I stood there gaping like a fish out of water. I auditioned for the worship team the following week, and joined the church immediately after. If you ask my friend, she’d tell you that God called her to get me to church. You see, God wasn’t only telling me to go, He was working on the people in my life too. He set the stage, opened the door, and almost literally pushed me through it.

We can come up with hundreds of reasons why we “can’t” do what God is calling us to do. We’re wives, mothers, single mothers, employees, employers, homemakers, homeschoolers, dance/football/baseball/basketball/soccer/wrestling moms, PTA volunteers, caretakers of our parents, sounding boards for siblings, Aunts, Grandmothers, friends, the glue that holds our families together. But without God, we are nothing.

He made us for a purpose. He made you exactly the way He wanted you. He wove your talent into you. He placed your dreams and passion in your soul. I’m here to tell you that you can’t ignore it. If you don’t do what you were put on this earth to do, you will forever feel incomplete and unsatisfied. Every single reason you “can’t”, every excuse can be reversed and fixed by God. Seek His will in your life and you will live a life full of purpose and passion. Trust me, YOU CAN!

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:13 (NIV)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (NIV)

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About Me

I’m a thirty-something mom of three just trying to live my best life. But let’s face it. Life is hard. I recently started a small group of women who wanted to achieve some amazing goals in their lives. Through this group I realized I wasn’t alone in the challenges of womanhood, keeping the faith, and just life in general. I decided it was time to stop going it alone. God has blessed me with incredible women in my life. We need to lean on each other, learn from one another, and uplift every singe woman we meet.