If I Had a... - NOT AVAILABLE

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Brief Synopsis

A dying tycoon selects his heirs at random, and each reacts differently to the good fortune.

Prologue : Cantankerous tycoon John Glidden, whose relatives and employees expect him to die shortly, stubbornly refuses to give his fortune to the squabbling, greedy bunch, and determines to give it instead to people who might appreciate it. He then decides to give a million dollars a piece to various people chosen at random from the phone book. China Shop : The first recipient of Glidden's money is henpecked Henry Peabody, who has spent years handing over his wages to his nagging wife. Because his salary has consistently been docked for breaking china, Henry gleefully takes the opportunity to smash the entire inventory of the shop. Violet : Prostitute Violet Smith receives her money in a bar, then rents an expensive hotel room and enjoys the luxury of sleeping in a luxurious bed--without having to keep her stockings on. The Forger : Forger Edward Jackson, frantically fleeing the police, finds that he cannot cash his check. He tries every means possible to borrow on the check or sell it for smaller and smaller amounts of money. Finally, starved and exhausted, he gives it away in exchange for a ten-cent bed. Road Hogs : Emily La Rue and her companion Rollo, ex-vaudevillians, are over-joyed at their newly acquired fortune. When they purchase a car, however, it is almost immediately forced off the road by a "road hog." Their money enables them to take their revenge on the road hogs of the world by buying a fleet of cars and joyfully running ill-mannered drivers off the road. Death Cell : Death-row prisoner John Wallace is distressed to find that his new money will not save him, but he is comforted to know that his wife Mary will be financially secure after his death. The Clerk : Office employee Phineas V. Lambert receives his money and calmly leaves his desk, walks to the office of the company president, and unceremoniously gives him "the razzberries." The Three Marines : Marine Corps private Steven Gallagher and his friends Mulligan and O'Brien believe that his check is an April Fool's Day hoax. Because they want to take waitress Marie to a carnival and have no money to finance the date, they sign the check over for ten dollars cash to Marie's boss, the owner of the local lunch wagon. Grandma : The last recipient, feisty Mary Walker, is one of the many unhappy old women who live at a rest home run by a heartless matron. The women are not only lonely, but feel useless because they are prohibited from doing anything other than sitting idly in their rocking chairs, talking and knitting. With the money, Mrs. Walker buys the home and gratifies the wishes of its inhabitants by letting them do all of the chores and making the matron and her employees simply sit and rock. Impressed with Mary's spunk, Glidden is apparently cured of his terminal illness and decides to spend his time at the home with Mrs. Walker, and happily plans for a romantic hayride with her.