Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve

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Thank you all for your replies, it's good to know I'm not over reacting.

MIL dropped the girls off an hour ago. I confronted her about it while we were unloading the car and the kids were inside with DP. I was very straight forward and told her I was really upset and angry about what had happened that night, that I knew she had lied to me about the pillow and frankly I was furious. I told her I didn't want to get into it right now, I had had a horrible nights sleep and was extremely busy but that at some point in the near future we should sit down and have a long conversation about this. She didn't deny it, she just rolled her eyes and started going on about how it wasn't even a pillow really, it was a pillow slip with a thin piece of foam in it. I told her I didn't care (I said it a bit more colourfully than that) and that I had told her now wasn't the time to talk about so just drop it, which she did. She waited while I got the last few things from the car then drove off without saying goodbye to the girls, which had DD1 in tears when I went inside as she'd seen her drive off through the living room window.
DP supports me completely. He's not as angry as I am but he's put up with his mums....little quirks all his life so I guess he's a bit immune. He doesn't want her having DD2 again but isn't sure about cutting off DD1 from her as they are very close. But I think offering for her to come her and see them when she wants is more than fair until she can reassure us both that she will actually listen to our wishes regarding our children instead of saying one thing and then doing another.

The Following User Says Thank You to NancyBlackett For This Useful Post:

I think at the very least no sleepovers there with DD2 is best, I think you've done the right thing there. She doesn't seem to take it seriously and I feel if she won't listen to you on this extremely important issue, what else will she take upon herself to decide isn't important? The oxygen tank is annoying, bah, lets just unhook it?

If you and DP and godmum ever need a deserved break, you know where I am

I would never leave my kids with her again ... She doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of it ... This isn't like a 100s and 1000s sandwich for lunch or some Lollies right before dinner ... This is life and death stuff ... NEVER again!

Honestly? Your babys safety is more important than not causing a scene for your toddler!! If that were me I'd be straight round there, grab the kids and leave. I'd suggest never leaving your MIL alone with the kids again. My mother is like this and her and I no longer talk because I don't let my mother control me anymore.

Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve

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I've just received a very contrite message from her, where she apologises profusely for lying to me about it and not following my instructions to do with my child. she also included a message that she sent to SIL saying sorry to her for getting her stuck in the middle and how much she'd mucked up and would now have to deal with the consequences. But the message to SIL also included a reference to the 'the thinnest pillow ever, shouldn't even count as one' which really makes me think she's not sorry that she was in the wrong, she's sorry she got caught and is now trying to back peddle.
Either way, I'm still so angry and upset. I won't be replying anytime soon. I have a feeling if I don't reply with gushing appreciation her humility will evaporate pretty quickly and then I'll get to know what she really thinks. And vice versa.

Thank you Benji <3 you're such a sweetheart to offer. I might take you up on that in the future but aside from all this drama, I actually really didn't enjoy being away from DD2, it was like missing a limb. I think it will be awhile before I'll be able to go a night without her again, but when I am you'll be the first person I call

And Renesme, while I totally understand how you feel, once I knew the pillow was out of her cot and that SIL was going to keep an eye on her, for me the immediate danger had passed and my focus became about all of my children. There are some situations where it is unavoidable that children will get caught in the middle of adult arguments, but after everything my children have been through in the past six months I wasn't going to make a calculated decision to expose my girls to conflict when I knew she had someone there to keep her safe.

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