Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Maybe it’s the warm weather and long days, maybe the suburban homes teeming with unoccupied schoolchildren and desperate housewives. Whatever the cause, summer can be an endless expanse of boredom or an opportunity to spend some quality family time sharing whatever entertainment your area has to offer. Unless your last name is Trump, this entertainment needs to be convenient and nearly free. I’m not married to a tycoon, so my three youngest children and I spent last Saturday wandering about Yakima’s Folk Life Festival. There was no main attraction, but plenty of stuff to look at: medieval fighting, face painting, an out-of-order kiddie train, and a village-y area with booth after rickety booth of hippie treasures for sale. Oh, and music of course, ranging from the good to the, uh, interesting. A little of everything, except alcohol.

No alcohol? What’s the big deal? Well, it isn’t a huge deal (as in, no one died) but…

Alcohol=more money for whatever charity this is benefiting (this WAS a fundraiser, right?)Alcohol=generally more fun and festivity, and thereforeAlcohol=more attendees

(Many people don’t know that Sage Mommy worked in her past (pre-marriage) life in the development department of a nonprofit social service agency. I was basically an in-house copy writer and graphic artist, but I was regularly drafted for service on the battlefield known as EVENTS. When I started having babies, I reduced both paid and volunteer efforts to a part-time, contract status, which unfortunately came to a halt when I moved last summer. Point? I know how to run these things. Alcohol is essential. And fun. I loved dressing up for our invitation-only, black tie balls, but my favorite moments of this job were spent in medieval garb behind the counter of a Renaissance Faire beer booth.)

I know (from painful experience) that dealing with general public is always a pain in the ass, and (from downright traumatic experience) that dealing with a less-than-sober general public is even more so. I know that many charities and businesses don’t want to risk appearing to condone excessive drinking. However, moderate consumption of alcohol is part of a healthy lifestyle, and if you are against drinking on principle you should consider relocating away from the beer and wine capital of the Pacific Northwest. The risks can be mitigated, and the financial gain more than offsets the obvious logistic issues.

Most important, I was really craving a beer and there were none in sight. I would have paid five times the going price for a plastic cup of the nastiest beer, more if it were something new and interesting from a local microbrewery. Because

Afternoon in sun with three small children + an unending lineup of amateur folk singers + no mood-altering refreshment = one sad mommy

So whoever runs this thing, call me. We’ll talk. I’ll help if necessary, just to make sure that no other housewife has to suffer as I did.