Well as usual I've been up for hours. This has been a rough month for me I was sick (allergies?) fuck that I think I had walking pneumonia but what do i know? Found out a friend of mine was attacked in his own home by a friend. He passed away due to the altercation. So I spent yesterday at a Memorial service. It was sad yet so good to see all those people I haven't seen in years.

My house looks pitiful I don't have the inclination to clean hell I was lucky to do laundry and keep the kitchen up. Oops I mean dishes I still need to clean the stove, counters well you know. So where is my get up and go?

Sex?? I forgot what that is anyone looks interesting has to screw it up by sending me a stupid comment or email. I mean seriously what happened to actually meeting someone? If you wanna FWB okay fine but people still need to learn about each other before stripping. Well at least I think so Hell I can't even find anyone interesting enough for a one night stand

Daddy sold me his van so I now have wheels that are mine. Its a 95 Ford and it does just fine! I have learned a lot these past 2 yrs. I DON'T need the newest and name brands of stuff. I can do without new clothes and new shoes. If I can't pay cash I don't need it. It took a hard knock to figure all that out but it did take. I applied for a program the state was offering. And I got a call Friday so Monday I will return the call and see what they can do for my little house. To bad they aren't giving away money. I'd love to get my carpet professionally cleaned. My hours at the hotel were cut back I lost between 15 and 20 hrs on the week. So I guess I need to quit procrastinating and try to find a p/t job. We won't mention weight I am miserable the more I try to diet the more I gain. Oh wait I forgot to mention I was in the hospital last month. I guess I got Acid Reflux. No more Mexican food, spicy stuff go the dr and they ask are the pills workng? How the hell do I know, between not eating what I use to and the pills the pain is gone

Well that is what has been going on. Oh yeah Steve came by for a short visit, talked to Bonnie on the phone Treas called to check in on me. And Dayna don't answer damn caller ID Okay kids be nice and tell me what has been going on in YOUR life.

That is a lot of heavy things. You are fifty and are now entering that phase of life I call pre-geriatric. It brings a lot of change physiologically, much of it unwelcome requiring lifestyle changes. Hugs to you Lisa.

There was much more I could say and would like to, but I am just popping in and out. I am working today so I can't even watch my beloved NFL. I listen to the TV as I work. I have a great gig so I am not complaining, just explaining.

You know me Lisa, and you know that I love you and will tell you straight from the hip what I am thinking..........I realize you have been sick.......and I realize that you have been cut down in your hours at work.........that sucks.....but its happened to others and they survived and you will too if you do what needs to be done. Isn't that the way with people like us, we may not like it, but we do what we need to to get by. Now before anyone gets upset that I am not sympathizing with Lisa......first off...mind your own business and second of all she doesn't need my sympathy and she gets all the empathy from me that I can give someone.......Lisa honey, I think a lot of what is going on with you is depression, the lack of get up and go, the house that goes uncleaned, the fact that you havent been looking for another job............baby I have been there..........ain't no one going to help you unless you help yourself........I am assuming you qualify for medical (if not you can kick my ass) go to the doctor and talk to him/her about how you are feeling........maybe something that you can take once a day will give you the boost you need.............and you know how I hate to tell people to take meds...........second of all.......realize what you do have honey, you have a house (maybe not a perfect one..........but there are a lot of homeless people who would love to have that) you have a part time job......that although you dont have everything you want at least you have enough to get by........and you have friends who love you enough to tell you to get off your butt, be grateful for what you have and be thankful life isnt any worse...........and you have a friend who loves you enough and trusts our friendship enough to know that you will take everything i just said because i love you enough to tell you it.

By the way.......sex is good when its good (meaning if your not in the type of relationship you want to be.....it probably wont be so good) loosing weight isn't easy........and will take you a lot longer to take it off than putting it on did..........and life is as good as you make it...........sometimes it takes all our effort to get out of bed and move on..........but once we can do that and look around and see all the wonders of life.........than we become more grateful for what we have........gratitude brings a better attitude...........

by the way i have a new phone number and I will email it to you but my cell is still the same........and I know you were teasing but sometimes the hardest thing to pick up is the phone to call a friend and say I'm hurting and I need you to remind me why life is so damn good. I love you my friend.

I am so sorry didn't mean for this to be a pity party It has been a rough two years and I guess I was just letting my friends know what has been happening. Ewe are right about the meds. I was on Paxil about 9 yrs ago for a few years great pill But I guess I am trying to make me happy again by getting my life back in order. And I did come close to homeless which is why I am not going to the dr for depression.

I think Bruce probably nailed it also this getting older sucks all the changes in the body we make jokes about old folks now I feel for them. Sorry Softie I don't count you as an old folk But I bet you know what I mean

I know all about cutting back. Been working fewer hours now that kids are back in school, the hotel isn't so busy anymore. I'm planning on going back to school and finish my legal assistant degree. I filled out the application for financial aid a little late, so I'm looking to start classes in January. I commented about being excited to get back into the classroom and Mom piped up with, "I wish you had had that attitude in high school!!"

I bought my van off of my Dad also..a 98 Chrysler Town and Country. It has it's "quirks"...like a fan that works only when it wants to. But, hey...it's transportation. As for my house...well....it's kind of a mess right now...but, I've got tomorrow off..actually, I've got the next 4 days off from work, so, I'll be spiffing up the house. I've actually considered just shaving the dogs bald, and the cats too....but, then I'd be laughing too much at how funny they look without their coats. Ok, seriously now, I wouldn't shave their coats off, especially right now with fall right around the corner.

I tell myself it isn't always going to be "this bad"...it will get better. Just have to work towards it.

Hell Honey..........we all need to have a pity party once in a while.......i send out invitations for mine..........and I know you well enough to know that you knew where I was coming from........but sometimes shit happens and those are the times that we have to pull ourselves up by the panties and say so what next time will be better...........we all need a boot in the butt sometimes and you probably were searching for that when you blogged today........and your like me if everyone would have said oh baby i am so sorry you have it so much worse than other people blah blah blah.....you can easily fall into that trap and it will get worse........but like me if my friends tell me to buckle it up and get on with it..........i know that it cant be that bad........and i get on with it............treas use to say do you want a friend that will tell you what you want to hear or what you need to hear............and i also want the friend who loves me enough and trusts me enough to tell me what i need to hear..........but i will make a deal with you .........the next time i am having a pity party i will call you up and you can tell me to get over myself a lot of people have it worse than i do.........actually thats what i do need when having a pity party..........

well shit i didnt mean to take over your blog.........and I meant to tell you last comment how sorry i was about your friend.........that is something that is hard to take for anybody....and i hurt for you.........

I'm sorry if your "get up and go" has "got up and went". I'd come to your house and help you look for yours...but my "get up and go" is lost too. But I can send you a (((((hug))))) and let you know that I'm sending good thoughts your way. Feel better soon.

soft_touch938

Sep 12 @ 11:59PM

Well fine friend I've been...and I apologize for this being my self-centered year. I haven't lied about being at peace and happy but there's an edge there that I just don't talk about.

I am old Lisa...nothing for you to apologize about. Maybe I need to write a blog about getting old. It might be theraputic for me and a heads up for others here. I never dreamed I'd find aging a hard time in my life but it can throw some unexpected curves that can just knock the wind outta ones sails, that's for sure.

Anyway...I'm betting that of all your problems, your weight is what is causing you the most pain. There may be a lot of women who say they're fat and that's fine with them, it's just who they are. I say....BULLSHIT.

It's depressing, creates health problems, fucks with self esteem and self worth. I know I have self worth, I know I'm a wonderful person. But I feel like a beached whale and that's no lie. So why don't I lose weight? I'm old. It sticks like fuckin' glue. I'm in pain so I can't exercise. I'm depressed so I eat. I'm bored so I eat. I feel sorry for me so I medicate with food. It's a vicious cycle.

All this you didn't wanna hear but you need to know you're not alone. I've pigged out on sweets all weekend because I'm lonely. I'm fussed about making another move. I'm probably gonna get sued over a credit card that in 2003 wouldn't take a settlement when I had it then would when I didn't and the lawyers that bought that account has chosen a bad time to push it as this surgery is gonna be expensive for me. So I medicate to forget my troubles. I medicate to distract myself from pain that is grinding and neverending and time just drags until the 23rd...and there's no guarantee that a hysterectomy will cure what ails me. I could still face serious problems with my bladder or colon...I won't know until after my surgery.

So....you aren't alone. You and I will just have to keep hanging in there and not let go of hope because hope will inevitably keep us putting one foot in front of the other whether we wanna or not. You and I are tough, even when we think we've reached the end of our rope...we tie the proverbial knot and keep hanging on.

You have my #....call anytime you want. I may be shy about making calls but I ain't shy about TAKING them.

Love ya gf....we'll get through this together and I think here in AMD we can find a little help from our friends....