Navigating Sibling Relationships in the Tween Years

I remember the moment well when each one of my children met their new sibling.

It honestly felt like time stood still.

As a mom of five children, I cherished this moment when the first connection would be made. A sibling connection that would last a lifetime.

I would daydream about the days ahead of them playing together for hours, sharing (remember this is a daydream), sharing a room, and spending their childhood days together.

Well, I soon learned quickly that those early years with siblings, I played the role of referee. Trying to navigate their sibling relationships and make sure that everything was “fair.”

It did not take me long to realize that this was an impossible task because “fair” is just not always possible. In fact, it is a good thing that everything is not fair because it is important to learn how to put other people first, to wait, and to be patient. These are all characteristics that can be learned through sibling relationships.

I have found tips and tricks that work along the way, and many of these ideas I have been able to tweak and use even with my now 10-year-old and his four younger siblings.

My Day, Your Day

One of the favorite things I use with my kids is our My Day, Your Day System.

It is so simple. Every child has one day of the week. It rotates through the week.

For example, if Brinkley is Monday, then Colston is Tuesday, Hartley is Wednesday, Kinsler is Thursday, and Cannon is Friday. Then, the rotation starts over – Brinkley is Saturday, Colston is Sunday, etc.

Sometimes my preschoolers can figure this out, but my tween son definitely knows the answer.

Once I give him the gentle reminder that it takes two to cause a conflict, then he can usually figure out a good way to make it better.

Again, this tactic is helping my tween learn an important skill about conflict and making sure he owns up to his piece of the puzzle.

Keep Tweens Involved

Possibly one of the most important things to keep sibling relationships a priority is to keep tweens involved in family activities.

Sometimes tweens want space of their own, and that is ok to a certain extent.

But it is crucial that tweens know the non-negotiables.

In our home, we eat our meals together (with no electronics). We do not allow closed doors in bedrooms unless they are sleeping. There are no electronics allowed upstairs or in a bedroom. They must always be in full sight of the family.

And they are still required to help out with smaller siblings. I have found that by giving my tween responsibility in helping me with the little ones and managing our home, he takes more ownership.

While it is easy to not make them come to their sister’s gymnastics performance or let them play down the street with neighborhood kids all afternoon, it is important that tweens feel involved with their sibling’s activities.

In our home, we try to attend all sporting events together as a family. We want to each support one another and be each other’s biggest fans. As kids grow, it is important that this stays a part of their life. If you need help coming up with your non-negotiables, grab this FREE Parenting Goals Worksheet. CLICK HERE.

So now we want to hear from you! What ways do you keep sibling relationships a priority during the tween years?

Keep up the good work parenting your tween!!

Did you miss the other days of the Tween Parenting Blog Party? Check them out here!

Christia blogs over on Faith Filled Parenting where she provides encouragement and resources on PARENTING,HOME MANAGEMENT, HOMESCHOOLING, CHRISTIAN LIVING and their FAMILY VLOG! Her husband, Dustin, is the punter for the Kansas City Chiefs. They follow a Paleo lifestyle, homeschool their five children, and sneak away to their happy place, THE BEACH, every chance they get! Their newest adventure is traveling in their RV to see more of God’s beautiful creation.

Her prayer is that we will all grow closer to Jesus as we strive to be the best parents we can be. Together, she believes we can be stronger than ever as we intentionally raise our families to glorify His name.

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