So LaBoeuf, who’s actually a fine actor, is the stand-in for the male viewers’ greatest fears about themselves. No matter how great a loser they might be, they can’t be as losery a loser as Sam Witwicky. And yet, Sam has awesome giant robots stomping around telling him he’s the most important awesome person ever. And he has the hottest girlfriend in the universe, Megan Fox, for whom banality is a huge aphrodisiac. The more pathetic Sam gets, the more Fox’s lips pout and her nipples point, like little Irish setters.

Haven’t seen it, and most likely won’t. Not sure if they need my $12.50 when it’s already made 60 million. And the weekend hasn’t even started.

“Spittin’ in the wind comes right back at you.” – Lou Reed

UPDATE: Here’s Shia LeBeouf being pretty damn cool to a fan on the Today Show. Between this and my favorite SNL Digital Short, I’m officially a fan. Shut up you cynical toads.