} Well freshman engineers tend to do things like studying. Compsci's} learn quickly that there is nothing to be gained from such a useless} activity and sleep during the day. They then stay up all night in} computer labs.}} The money spenders there would have done well to do some research} before they built a senior C.S. work room. They should have spent the} money on}} 1 - A coffeemaker & supplies (debit card issued to all CS students)} 2 - toothpicks to hold CS students' eyes open} 3 - beer & pizza for the loser freshman engineers to try and get them} to become Real Partying Students} 4 - the establishment of a compu-porn server} 5 - hire of an Oracle}} You owe the Oracle an HP-15C. And a backpack. With only one strap.} So he doesn't look like a loser freshman engineer.

} Many people think that talk.bizarre is a USENET newsgroup, but the} Oracle knows the truth. Talk.Bizarre is a secret fron for the} transmission of coded secrets from the U.S. to the Soviet Union, as is} evidenced by the following message:} -----} Article 13314 of talk.bizarre:} Newsgroups: talk.bizarre} Subject: Moles in your feet <-----CODED TOP-SECRET SUBJECT} Date: 24 Oct 89 22:52:40 GMT} Distribution: na,fnord} Organization: Roadkills-R-Us <-----GORBACHEV'S TOP-SECRET NAME.} Lines: 26}} Moles said to tell you hi, Biff.} He also said he checked with his Oracle, his Turtle Ingres (tm)} and his /rdb, and he is allowed to marry multiple saughters.} He asks that everyone wiat, however, until his frontal lobotomy} heals, and his income doubles, before sending him any more} saughters, as rog's is keeping him quite busy with the pooper} scooper, thankyouverymuch.}} TRANSLATED:} ----------} The U.S. Ballistic Missile Submarine Los Angeles} will be cruising 142.5 miles south-southeast of Sakhalin Island (tm) w/} a new top-secret /RDB missile platform able to guide multiple launchers.} We ask that you wait, however, until 10/29/89 10:12:32 GMT until the sub} reaches the coordinates, and the chance of detection doubles, before} trying to capture the sub, by keeping the escort fleet quite busy with} distractions.} ----------} As you may now clearly see, talk.bizarre is a front for Soviet Spies} transmitting top secret U.S. military secrets back to their contacts in} the Soviet Union.} You owe the Oracle a copy of the "Top Secret" video tape. VHS format} only, please.

} The best ASCII picture of Lisa is a picture of words:}} Her hair is the color of wet dreams} Her eyes are as round as pelican's eggs.} Her nose is as cute as a koala bear} Her lips are as red and sensual as a pair of otters dipped in rouge.} Her neck is as an alabaster pillar, and twice as stiff.} Her arms are like arms. what can I say?} Her breasts are ... well, you only get to see the tops of them in this} portrait.}} You owe the oracle a flea.

} How bout them ASCII representations of Lisa! Why, they whumped the} EBCDIC representations of Charlene right good. I wuz a-watching it,} drinking a fuckin' uuencoded Bud Light, and it wuz a right good game!} Those ASCII reps o' Lisa took that ball and ran every which way. Three} touchdowns in the first innin', and then there was no stoppin' 'em! And} they whumped the BCD bitmap encodings of Gertrude, too, just last week!} Them BCD-bitmap guys didn't seem to know if they was binary or decimal,} against those ASCII reps. Those ASCII reps is goddam *good*, I tell} you! They're going right to the nationals! They're going to win the} Pickle this year! Right-on!}} How 'bout them ASCII representations of Lisa!

} Very simply.}} The harder you rub the hotter it gets. If you rub too hard mass will} become energy and there may be a discharge. Always use a good insulator} such as latex to protect yourself from such discharges.

} First of all, you ocelot a stupid questions. But since you asked...}} It's usually a good idea to eat something when drinking whine. In this} way, she will be a lot less likely to make a fool out of herself at} parties or pass out in a gutter. She will also be less likely to puke} on her shoes, but if she does, it will be messier. Of course, if she's} only got a little whine, she can get drunk a lot faster on an empty} stomach. In an emergency, I recommend those little fishy crackers you} find at bars and sci.aquaria, but only with wite whine.}} You owe the Oracle a C- in spelling.

} Cats were designed as animals for the measuring of small spaces. ("Not} enough room to swing a cat".) While it would be possible to swing a cat} without a tail, it would not be nearly as easy. Cats' tails, then, are} yet another example of ever-benevolant Providence smiling on human} metaphor.}} You owe the oracle a cattail.

} The Oracle sees into your mind's eye and understands that you wish to} know what a 'ducinea' is, and not, as your mortal fingers typed, a} 'dulciana'. The former, meaning MISTRESS or SWEETHEART is an obvious} plea from you to The Oracle for help with your love life. The latter,} meaning DULLARD, or STUPID UMINAGINATIVE INSENSITIVE LOUT, a sorry and} sad reference to your current state of affairs.