The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: A Glimpse Into The Mind Of A GR Penpal

From: "Joe Weber" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: the 2 P's
I'm sorry, but after that pee pee head remark,
my mommy won't let me play with you anymore..and she's
also gonna call your mommies and you're going to get in
trouuuuble...oooooooo!

From: "Alex Batchilo" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Re: How do you al survive
I presume,) get paid a standard check, plus have to pay
for a server and the web address name, plus tons of other
stuff. My question is, if the only cash support you all
get are commercials, how the hell does your company
survive for over 5 years. Please answer with a serious
response.

Hey there Alex,

Commercials? We haven't had
a commercial on the site since that Kibbles 'n Bits mishap back
in 1997. You must be
referring to the ad banner at the top of each page.

We've managed to survive
for this long for two reasons. First off, we don't eat. Ever. We have
found that by not eating, we can save money. Plus when our ribs stick
out we get that washboard ab thing that the chicks dig.

The second reason is classified.
Top secret. Let's just say it involves a Columbian guy and an airplane.
We could tell you more, but then we would have to depilate
you.

-GR

Elves Fight Back!

From: "Guillaume Lamothe" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: don't you dare...
I read your last message board. The one with the message
of the other Dark Elf (my brother) in it. Obiously, you
guys didn't read the three splendid book
: '' The Lord Of The Rings '' by J.R.R. Tolkien.
Thinking elves are baking cookies and have pointy shoes,
hahahaha. Ok-so they have pointy ears but they aren't some
kinda fairies or Santa's elves. First of all, elves are at
average 1 m 10 cm tall. they do have pointy ears and they
like to live inside elaborated treehouses in the trees.
Most of them have blond hair and blue eyes. They are better
at using magic than humans. They are famous for the beauty
of their castles and the pureness of their springs.They have
elven mages, kings, knights,archers, ect... SO DON'T YOU
GO OUT THERE MAKING FUN OF ELVES LIKE THAT!!!!

Dear Guillaume,

GR sends our humblest
apologies. If we offended you, your brother or anyone else in the Elven
community, we are sorry.

We are all well-versed in
The Lord of The Rings trilogy and consider it a masterpiece,
due in no small part to the elvish presence. I mean, without the elves,
who would have baked enough creamy cookie goodness to feed the Fellowship?

From: "Scott Dunham" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Hadooken!!
Hi
Right i have 2 questions to ask all you ppl or robots
or cyborgs at GR 1. why are you all such smug bastards?
i mean if sumone asks you all a perfectly normal question
they alwayz get a sarcasticly reply! or is it just thats
the only thrill you have in your sad lifes?
2. ive noticed that all the characters in the street
fighter games say phrses like
metal-toe-cap
and
Haddock-and-chips
what is the deal with that? its like all the characters
have gone out got drunk then decided they want to fight
with each other to decide who is the ultimate street fighter!
ScoZ

Hello Scott,

Actually, our sad lives are
filled with all kinds of other thrills! When we're not making
love to hordes of beautiful women, we often take the GR jet to Monte
Carlo for a little gamblin' fun. Admittedly, it's tough to gamble well
when you're lit up on Dom Perignon, and we're swimming in so much cash
that it's really just Monopoly money anyways. Still, would you pass
up the opportunity to snort coke off Madonna's ass? We sure didn't!

Sarcastic enough for you?
If so, we're thrilled.

Oh, and YOGA FIRE!

-GR

Not

From: proctor (***@ntlworld.com)
Subject: Being Stupid!
Hello again!!!!
I know this isn't really a question you would think
other people might ask but let me tell you anyway.
I have a really old Windows 95 and I want to upgrade
it to one of the other Windows collection. Do you think
I should have Windows 98 or Windows ME???
Coolguy.

Hello Cecil,

Attention PC owners!
Windows ME sucks!

Well, at least when it comes
to gaming. We have received more reports regarding Windows ME incompatibilites
than any other OS.

We don't understand how the
biggest nerd on the planet could drop such a heavy ball, but he has.
Mr. Gates, shame on you.

Here is a link to WinForums
Central, where you will find reports of various problems and some
possible answers. This
should be helpful to those of you experiencing ME problems as well as
PC owners who are interested in learning more about the OS.