Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Love is forgiving and making amends.
Love isn't passive and always defends.
Love is so deep, honest and open.
Love isn't about listening, but hearing the unspoken.

Love is about faith, trust and loyalty.
Love isn't just about making memories, but finding your destiny.
Love is sincere, honest and true.
Love isn't about the old, but about creating something new.

Love is about feeling what others merely only dream.
Love isn't about being poorly glued - more like stitched at the seams.
Love is so special; when you get it, don't let it go.
Love isn't wondering what could've been, it's about what you already know.

Love is about second chances, forgiving what's been said and done.
Love isn't abut finding new, but realizing you already have the One.
Love is patient and always makess time.
Love isn't about what's been lost, but about what you'll find.

Love is about kindness and staying true to your heart.
Love isn't about being separated, but becoming stronger as you're apart.
Love is about not wanting to argue but always ready to fight.
Love isn't about what went wrong, but about what's right.

Love is about being fearless, fearing nobody and nothing.
Love isn't about wanting everything, but always cherishing that something.
Love is about always being there through the thick and thin.
Love isn't about saying good-bye but saying hello again and again.

Love is about keeping promises through the imperfection and flaws.
Love isn't about starting over, but picking up where you paused.
Love is about perseverance - supporting them through the good and bad.
Love isn't about changing dreams, but chasing the ones you had.

Love is about the simple things, and not sweating the tough.
Love isn't about what's on the outside because what's inside is enough.
Love is about taking chances and living what's real.
Love isn't about apologizing for what was said, just say what you feel.

Love is rejoicing in the good, becoming stronger in the worst.
Love isn't self-healing but seeking help from His word.
Love is believing in God and the love He gives.
Love isn't about imagining - your love is to be lived.

Friday, August 13, 2010

You've probably heard of the Pepsi Refresh campaign, donating $1.3 million to different causes. Where the money is donated is up to us: each cause must be voted in to the top ten.

I'm supporting a cause created by a mom in Kentucky whose child was diagnosed with Trisomy 13. As a result, they were unable to find a doctor willing to help them. This story hit close to home for me, not only because of the Trisomy 13 - which similar to Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 21 (Downs Syndrome) - but because we also had a difficult time finding a doctor that would not only support our decision to carry, but also support us in finding surgeons who would operate. We were told that no doctor would operate on Noah because of his Trisomy.

No parent should not have that option. With $50,000, this grant would create an online referral system that would help parents find supportive doctors. Well worth the 2 minutes it take to sign up and vote. You can vote up to three times each day.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dave and I were talking last night about scary movies. I used to love scary movies. When I was in grade school, my friend, Stephanie, and I watched all six of the "Children of the Corn" thrillers. Of course, they were late 80s or early 90s scary movies - can't really be compared to the gore of modern scary movies. My parents even went to see Blair Witch Project to see if I could see it. I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre on opening night in college. And now I won't even watch the previews. So what changed? I used to love having the pants scared off me. Here's my theory.

Up through college life was very care free, I still had my parents to fall back on if I needed them. My biggest fear was getting a low GPA and failing a final. Post-college I got married and had something to lose. Moving away from my family, having my husband deploy, living in a completely foreign culture: all of this was much scarier than Children of the Corn or Blair Witch.

Life's a lot scarier when it's real. I don't need to be a thrill seeker or an adrenaline junkie and watch scary movies to get a buzz. Real life is much, much scarier than whatever Hollywood can make.

Horror films over-do the blood, guts, and gore to make it scary - to prove a point. But emotional films do the same thing. Think about any movie that makes you cry. Like the Notebook. Both the Notebook and Texas Chainsaw over-embellish to evoke emotion. They just evoke different types of emotion. I can't watch super emotional movies any more either. It used to be that my roommates and I would watch Legends of the Fall once a semester, to get the emotional catharsis that accompanies the viewing. Now I don't need to watch movies to feel something because once again life has proven to be much more emotionally draining than I could have anticipated in my care-free college days.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So instead I"m just jumping back in with my latest news: I've deactivated my facebook account.

{{gasp}}

I know, I know. It's kind of a big deal. There were several factors going into this. In December and March, when we found and announced we were pregnant, we didn't put it on facebook. In April, when we found out about Noah's condition, we didn't put that on facebook either. And I'm not about to put Noah's death on facebook either. The recent months have made me consider how much I share, and more importantly, to whom I'm sharing with. So that's reason one - Not everyone need to know about my life, my real life. Second reason, thinking back to what I would share on facebook, no one should care if I'm going to Fresno today, having coffee in the morning, or excited about some tv show. In light of everything that's happened to us, these just seem mundane. And my final and third reason for closing my facebook profile - information overload of people I am no longer connected with: seeing people's names come up with information about their lives then makes me carry around that knowledge.

Baggage. I need to lose the baggage.

People I went to college with are especially special. I had good times with so many people and they were important at some part of my life, and now they aren't not because I stopped liking them or don't want to be friends with them but rather that our lives have taken us different directions. I'm keeping up with those people a) because facebook decides who comes up in my news feed and b) because of the relationship we no longer have.

This is kind of coming out wrong, I'm not exactly sure how to word it all. There are still many people I care about on facebook. I'm just going to move our relationship off of facebook. After all, we are friends in real life not just cyber life.

Relatedly, I can't watch everyone who got pregnant after or at the same time as me have their babies. Selfish, possibly, but protecting myself, yes.

So yes. It's gone. At least for now. It's kind of experimental. It is similar to me quitting coffee cold turkey. It's part of my morning routine and my killing-time routine. We'll see what happens.

Loved this many times

About Noah

Noah was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 at 20weeks. We made the decision to carry him for as long as God would let us. He was born (still) on July 16, 2010. This blog is about our struggles, joys, and the on-going grief.