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January 21, 2016

Negative Nines

Terrible Twos? Allow me to introduce you to the older, louder, more dramatic and demanding sister- Negative Nines.

I have, more than once, looked back on the memories of Little Miss and the Terrible Twos and thought 'Eh? Was it really that bad?' I mean, it was kind of like having a rare exotic animal in the house that may pee or throw something at you at any moment, but as far as legit arguing? Not so much.

But now? At 9? Homegirl can hold onto anger and draw out an argument like she is trying to win a match in a boxing ring. #goingforthegold But somehow, in the end...we both lose. I feel like a bad mom because I'm constantly correcting my child, who in turn, argues with every mother-loving word I say...and she? She feels like she can't do anything to suit me.

#passthewine

Afternoons start with the homework argument. I'm pretty sure our neighbors think we have a rabid honey-badger in the house at least half the time.

"Let's get your homework done, honey," I begin.

"I hate homework. I hate school...WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME!?!" she screams as she goes limp in her chair at the kitchen table.

"I don't hate you...you have to do homework so you'll grow up to be smart!" I say.

"I can't do it! Help me...I'm hungry. I don't know how to do this. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Ughhh!!"

I walk away- deciding she has roughly 16 hours before she has to return to school with her homework complete. She should be able to figure it out in that amount of time, especially since I know she's just trying to push every button possible.

#jesustakethewheel

Then we have the dinner argument...I love food, all food, any kind of food. Little Miss eats about 5 things. She will go down with the ship if asked to eat something she doesn't like. I was at my whits end a few years ago and asked her pediatrician what to do.

"Don't make her something special- she has to learn to try things," she told me.

I tried it. She went to bed hungry. The next night? The previous hungry-evening didn't phase her, she pushed her plate away and said "I am not eating that. It doesn't smell like I will like it."

Seriously, she was ready to chain herself to the table in protest of my chicken chili. #tastebudrebel

Her determination is commendable. I just wish it was for like...world peace or cleaning her room.

Is there some kind of mommy group out there for parents of hormonal {god, we are already there, aren't we?} nine-agers?! If so, someone sign me up...because I know I'm not the only mom who takes a sip of wine some nights and thinks "Oh my god, my child, that I willingly brought into this world, is going to be the cause of my alcoholism!" #iaskedforthis