Theresa May

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT after spending 11 months slating Corbyn for speaking to religious fundamentalists who have terrorist friends, she formed a political alliance with religious fundamentalists who have terrorist friends!1!! We'll never trust a politician again!!!1

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Theresa Can't became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in July 2016, following the fall of David Cameron, called an election to strengthen her Government in June 2017 which ended up practically destroying it instead, and will still be Prime Minister at the end of next week if she's lucky. She is the daughter of a vicar, and when asked to reveal "the naughtiest thing she has ever done" told a stunned press pool that it was that time when she ran through a cornfield without her parents' permission.

Small wonder that when the devout May got spanked during the elections of June 2017, she turned to some God-bothering nutjobs from Norne Irne to prop up her deflating government. The UK often points at the US and laughs because of gun-toting frothing-at-the-mouth Biblefags like the Westboro Baptist Church. However, at least no US President has ever invited the WBC to join his Government, which is more or less exactly what Theresa May just did.

Naturally, you'd expect such a buttoned-up permavirgin to have a God complex, and indeed she does. She actually wants to become God and know everyone's secrets. One of the very first things she did as Prime Minister was pass a law described as 'perhaps the most extreme spying legislation in any western democracy'. For this reason, it is (un)popularly known as "The Snooper's Charter".

All you fcuketybutts who complain about Margaret Thatcher are so full 'o shit. Mummy May is far more extreme than the Iron Pussy could even imagine. May literally wants to be the British Stalin with 2 million surveillance cameras. Soon as she gets Parliament (ye cuntboys) to approve it she'll have a Death Squad with guns and everything. Mowing down niggers and faggots by the millions.

Remember all those years she was Home Secretary under Mr. Pigfucker? She put on her Wellies and rammed in shit like this and this. Right up the public anus and into the head. She hates unions so much, she tried to kill the UK police union. And sucks up to the jews. And in spite of her many speeches "deploring" racial violence, its on the rise under her "leader-shit".

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May's decision to cut off the flow of public funds to the federation – commonly known as the coppers' union – is arguably the single most aggressive act by central government towards the police rank and file since the defeat of the police strike in 1918, nearly a century ago [...] To be heading into an election year in a battle with the police would have seemed like a nightmare scenario back in the 1980s.

In her drive to make Britain "a hostile environment for illegal immigrants", the home secretary is likely to hand bigoted private landlords, and the compliant agents they employ, another valuable tool.

May had been trying to force this law onto the books while Home Secretary under David Cameron and now that she's Prime Minister she smuggled it through while the nation was distracted by the chaos of Brexit. Officially titled The Investigatory Powers Bill it was passed by the House of Lords in November 2016 and now just requires the Queen's signature to come into effect. (Done: see below)

Apple, Google, Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft, and Yahoo all lobbied the Government to scale back the new law and were ignored. Although to be fair, they were probably keener to keep tight ahold of their monopolies on exploiting personal data than to stand up for net freedoms.

Net Nanny May's Government is also pushing through a law to force age verification on porn websites that are accessible to children (i.e., all of them). This is so extravagantly over-ambitious that The Digital Economy Bill must be relying on people under the age of 18 not understanding how to set up a VPN or proxy, when they are actually the tech-savviest members of the population. Coming next: A Bill enabling the Government to turn your computer off by remote control when they think you ought to go to bed.

In essence, if you go senile, the Government will hand your house over to private insurance companies to pay for your care, and perhaps let your family keep the spare change at the end of it.

Not only would you have to be gaga to vote for it, Theresa May must have been gaga to think that anyone would, particularly retiree voters who make up the bulk of the Conservative Party's support. She put it to the public, the public collectively went apeshit, and Theresa May went "lol j/k" and pulled it then appeared to think that she hadn't pulled it after all.

To mark the occasion of the 91st birthday of Her Majesty the Queen (God Bless Her), Theresa May got 91 impoverished Muslims, and forced them at gunpoint into a dilapidated residential towerblock in one of Britain's richest boroughs. The Metropolitan Police then surrounded the ground floor of the block with kindling, and doused the whole thing in diesel. In a grand opening ceremony to mark the commencement of the royal celebration, Theresa May personally struck a silver-stemmed match with a ruby for a head, lobbed it into the kindling, then stood back and laughed and laughed.

Mummy May has often bewailed the fact that the media frequently report on what she is wearing. She doesn't seem to think it's newsworthy that the leader of a western democracy frequently turns up to official business while dressed like a French teenager who has been shot out of a cannon through a masquerade ball costume hire store. As you can see, May's sober and business-like attire is not worth passing comment upon and it is therefore the misogynist media who are responsible.

Progress of the legislation through Parliament, described as: "A Bill to make provision about the interception of communications, equipment interference and the acquisition and retention of communications data, bulk personal datasets and other information; to make provision about the treatment of material held as a result of such interception, equipment interference or acquisition or retention; to establish the Investigatory Powers Commissioner and other Judicial Commissioners and make provision about them and other oversight arrangements; to make further provision about investigatory powers and national security; to amend sections 3 and 5 of the Intelligence Services Act 1994; and for connected purposes."