Annie Stereotype

Just when those far-right talking empty heads figure they’ve got this figurehead of the ongoing Occupy Wall Street (OWS) Movement all figured out, leave it to Annie Stereotype to shatter their ill-informed illusion.

For, if our slight thirty-something Annie is anything, it is anything but predictable. Anything but a mere out-of-work student or young unfocused blue collar type, looking for a handout. Or a bailout. Or a quota. Or just a thicker social safety net to prop her and her ilk up in a life of relative ease and lower-middle-class ‘comfort’.

No, not at all. For Annie just happens to have been one of the premier bond traders working that same Wall Street over most of the last decade, avoiding all the seamier sides of financial transacting while spinning off three different securities firms for personal net proceeds of upwards of $720 million. Virtually all of which she has since plowed into such ventures as microlending in Indonesia, sustainable rainforest redevelopment in the Congo, and a chain of outpatient maternity clinics throughout our nation’s Native American reservations (yes, they still exist, and are just as oppressive and blighted as they’ve always been).

Annie has now brought her prodigious and multivariate talents to a cause she considers timely, noble, just and necessary.

She has just entered into collaboration with an entrepreneurial Madison Avenue agency to brand Occupy Wall Street and take it viral via a social interface platform linked to a swap/auction site. A partnership she recently penned with a mobile events planning firm will see to it that all OWS protest sites soon have ready hot food service, lighting, heating, portable chemical toilets, emergency medical and sanitary supplies, effective garbage collection, and a fully-outfitted media tent. Next week she’ll be meeting with several clothing houses from Singapore interested in developing lightweight OWS-branded gear for less-affluent urbanites and suburbanites alike.

It was perhaps inevitable that our surprising Annie would continue to surprise us so. In middle school, she couldn’t seem to decide among tennis, golf, frisbee, soccer, volleyball, gymnastics, basketball, and softball. So she gave all of the sports a go, lettering in five. Though her Eurasian mom strongly favored the violin, her Aleut dad tended more towards piano and jazz clarinet. Annie deftly managed all three. A prodigy in math, she never stopped writing poetry. After funding new supplies for her high school chemistry lab through her Girl Scout service project, she founded a kilt-wearing club that brought bagpipes to the Friday night football game halftimes. Her love of hip-hop is second only to her love of the lengthy works of Tchaikovsky. Though fond of incense and patchouli (and the proud owner of a fine collection of ceramic figurines of Ganesh), she remains non-denominational, and can readily cite from the Bible, Talmud or Koran.

So the next time you find yourself in a televisory torpor with some fatheaded know-nothing spewing bile into your right ear, hit the remote and reach for one of Annie’s four published volumes on how you can help change the world.

Transparent Bloviating Pisceae politipundoNote this denizen of the shallows, the Transparent Bloviating Pisceae politipundo. This creature typically surfaces in the early evenings on cable channels, expelling its foul belches, bubbles and burps of..

Fly, Fried?This is either a fly with fried-egg eyes, or a fry with flied-egg eyes. Researchers are not quite sure which. It apparently has to do with whether this fly is young enough to qualify as a...

Man in a Concrete FezDo not pity poor Fazil Korkmaz, seen here, prone in the midst of the Turkish market of Diyarbakir (just past the fennel cart of the local spice merchant, Muzaffer). For Fazil is...

Frackle, A Venusian Spiked EggSay hello to my fuzzy fowl friend, Frackle, a Venusian Spiked Egg, who, at the tender age of just 2.3 Earth years, has reached near-senility (for a VSE, that is). It will be...

Rabbilizard Up HighMost mesa mornings, you’ll find these basking bendy bunnies prone upon the promontories, soaking up the sun to sustain their slow metabolism. Here we see one that we have startled with...