Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Not too long ago I poked fun at all the insurance TV ads
out there.I also stated that my
favorite was “Mayhem” from Allstate.If
you’re living under a rock (which was a Geico insurance commercial gag at one
point) you can watch one here.

Granted, Mayhem is edgy for insurance commercials.But I think I could take him over the edge if
given the chance.In fact, let’s write
one right now…who cares about copyright infringements, nobody but friends read
this blog anymore….right?

Ok, here goes:

The scene is a simple four way intersection with your
average conservative car about to make a left hand turn with the proper green
light.

﻿

Flip to another scene with Mayhem at the driver’s seat of
a jacked up pickup speed down through a neighborhood street at 60mph with a
speed sign in the background that indicates the limit is 30mph.

[Mayhem]“You’re
going about your day thinking if you obey all the rules of the road you’re left
turn will be just fine.Think again.”

Mayhem steps on the gas with a cruel smile.

[Mayhem]“What you
don’t realize is that I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to and finally
succeeding at illegally passing one of those slow first generation Asian
Americans driving under the speed limit and am now so jacked up with road rage
that I don’t see you coming."

Mayhem cranks up “Highway to Hell” on the stereo and
isn’t paying attention in front of him.

[Mayhem]“Maybe I
wouldn’t be this aggressive had I not just beat up that guy screaming at my
son’s soccer team during the All-Regional finals.I’m the kind of guy that likes to paint my
face at hockey games and smash a hockey stick into splinters to support my team
and scare the crap out of everyone around me."

Mayhem looks up from the stereo and sees the turning car
just before impact.

[Mayhem] “And if you have cut rate insurance then the
pancake of a car I’m about to turn your car into when I squash it with my
small-penis compensated monster truck with the nudie girl mud flaps and the NRA
stickers may have to sit in your garage until you can afford to tow it away
because I’m just gonna flee the scene and rage on my next victim.”

Camera stops just before the impact (thus avoiding scary
carnage and letting our imagination do it for us)

[Deep voice guy] “Get Allstate…because Mayhem is
everywhere…”

There…that should be just edgy enough to not get aired on
TV.I should have gone into the
advertising business…

VE's Serious Side

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