As we’ve documented many times before, Auburn is a cult, not a fanbase. The characteristics are staggering. They require ridiculous things like catch phrases (“All In”…”Audacity”…”War Cam Eagle”) to re-energize the troops and over invest themselves in their god…Auburn football. Or more specifically, beating Alabama.

This rallying of the orange and blue inbreds always includes some lame billboard to tie the coming season in visually for them. Something they can drive past and get all excited about the coming season. Here’s this year’s version…

So freaking lame.

What the Auburn spin machine wants to sell you this year is Auburn is going to be fast. In their minds, they really believe they can’t be stopped, even though their utter failure to continue the SEC’s string of National Championships begs to differ.

But the idea is there, planted by the leadership of Auburn Unversity in order to sell tickets to a stadium that is rarely ever filled to capacity when Alabama, Georgia or LSU aren’t in town.

I actually had a barner tell me recently that “Auburn’s gonna be faster this season than last.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Auburn last year was truly a 3-loss team, that if it weren’t for two of the most improbable plays of the entire season…one of which has only happened three times in the history of college football…their fantasaical opinion of their second tier program wouldn’t even be possible.

I had another barner tell me just last weekend that Auburn’s got them a coach, which the billboard above wants to remind us of. Gustav Malzahn is the biggest nerd in the SEC. Sweater vests and glasses are soooo cool.

I again had to remind this guy…who is a friend that I like, but stupid in this one regard…that Gustav has been a head coach for two seasons. Two. Let me know when he wins one National Championship, let alone three like our coach. Four if you want to count what he did at LSU. Being a coordinator doesn’t count.

Gustav owns zero natty’s. Zilch. Natta. El-zippo.

But that doesn’t stop Auburn. They want us to know they’re gonna be fast. But in truth, Bama fans like this billboard more than any of their other lame ones. We like the word fast.

The truth is, the season, and November specifically, can’t get here fast enough.

Who cares stupid? They managed 2 improbable wins with two of their three best teams from the last 50+ years. (The other team being 2004). While Bama has bitch slapped the Barnrat’s the other 4 times in the last 6 years. Even your own dumbass x-coach knows it’s going to happen for the fifth time this year.

The only mistake he’s made is arguing with a socially retarded cretin like yourself who possesses zero integrity and an affinity for chit-chat board ambiguity. If it wasn’t so funny when you try to sound smart I’d ignore you.

What was your original question? Who is obsessed with who? I don’t spend one second looking at Auburn blogs or commenting on them. I enjoy reading ITK’s articles, and as an Alabama fan, I appreciate the good natured jabs at Auburn.

It’s a big rivalry. My answer to you is… I believe you are more obsessed with this site than any Alabama fan is obsessed with Auburn…that is my opinion…and my answer.

But you know, LMAO, if I say it is duck season, you will say it is wabbit season. And if I say it is wabbit season, you will say “It’s duck season! Fire!”

The calm before the storm? That is in reference to Auburn’s impending implosion on the football field this season and fun we will all have with it.

It’s not our fault the dumb fuckers are so easy to pick on. Anyway dumbass, don’t you have a falling apart Corndog team to worry about? Oh that’s right, you have to live vicariously through somebody who can actually beat Bama! Bwaa Haww Haww!

Says ITK, the same gump who was muthing off before last year how bama was ging to win theres SEC and their 3rd consecumtive national championship and beat the crap out of Auburn! Let your mouth keep overloading your assr! Its what you gumts do best! LMAO

And the writer’s comments in this article that Auburn’s “utter failure to continue the SEC’s string of National Championships” begs this question: What did Alabama do last year to continue the SEC’s string of National Championships? At least Auburn got to the Championship game and lost on a last minute drive and last second play!!! While Alabama was embarrassing the SEC by getting pummeled by a Oklahoma!

And this yar bama has one of the least expernsed offensive lines in the SEC, so you champs already have yor excused bult in for you. But hey bama does have the easiest schedule in the SEC so maybe it balances itself put. LMAO

Remind me, did bama win there bowl game last year? Oh that’s right thay were pleying for there third national championship last year, and lost to Oklahoma who nut wince in the previous for years had recruitinf classes ranked higer than bama. LMAO

It was an act of God that bama was even tid with Abarn before that dumb ass decision to kick that last second touchdown…..mm I mean feld goal! LMAO

And the last people that should be commenting about or laughing at Auburn for the invention of National Championships are bama’s gump fans, who have perfected the invention of laughable National Champion claims!

None of our National Championships are invented, and like all schools, we only count AP, UPI/Coaches, and BCS Titles after 1950. When you claim NC’s in 1983, 1993, and 2004…when you won neither AP, UPI/Coaches, or BCS….then yes, that’s inventing.

I’m anxiously awaiting someone to mention 1941…the year that put all National Championships into question

ITK since you wrote this article and made the comment why don’t you answer my question? What did bama do last year to “continue the SEC’s string of National Championships”? If you think Auburn was an utter failure in its attempt to continue that streak last year, how would describe bama’s attempt last year? Yea I know you don’t have the balls to answer that question, at least not honestly! I’m sure you’ll give some typical gump response though. LMAO

2. Before that, the Rose Bowl was basically designated for the top two teams in the country…which explains the earlier National Championships for Alabama.

3. 1973 – Alabama won the UPI poll, thus…National Champs. (every team claimed an NC if they won either AP or UPI/Coaches….until the BCS came into existence, which you could still split for awhile between BCS and AP Championships ie. LSU and USC)

Finally, my statement was we only claim AP, UPI/Coaches, or BCS AFTER 1950. Please, focus on the word “AFTER”.

“Damn that hurts”, are you really that stupid? It was almost like you thought you were being extremely clever…or something.

It’s a hell of a lt better than a dumbass school full of Corndog’s who don’t even have any questionable National Championships to claim! Besides you stupid motherfucker, any way you count them – our way or the NCAA way – we still have more than ANYBODY, and more than all the rest of the SEC put together, or damn close to it. Did somebody invite a stinking Corndog over here?

Last season Auburn beat the #1 team in the country, won the SEC championship, went to the national championship, and outplayed the 2nd #1 team in the country but blew it with what, 17 seconds in the 4th quarter.

Only one fan-base on earth would dare even insert the phrase “utter failure” into last season. The bammers are ‘blue’ with envy (HaHa!) every time the red-headed stepchild whips their butts, and will say or do anything to diminish AU’s success.

It’s true that it is yet to be proven as to whether last season was mere luck. . .But I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for it to fall apart. As for the UGA and UA games, in both of those we blew a 4th quarter lead. We were lucky with UGA, but we were headed to OT with bama, and the usually cautious Saban took a great risk to keep OT from happening, b/c bama couldn’t stop us.

Personally, I love the frightened bleating and the insecure smart – @ss quips of the UA fans. . .but 2014 will tell. WDE!

Don’t worry about it dude. I’m back here for a little while. You guys are far too damn nice to these pieces of shit; and I’ve given ‘em a free ride for far too long. Now it’s time to tell it like it is to the cocksuckers. Hell, their own dumbass coach knows they can’t beat Bama.He thinks they will lose to USCe too. Got bad news for him. If USCe can beat their asses, so can Georgia, LSU, Ole Miss, Texas A&M, Miss St and Arkansas! Bwaa Haww Haww!

LMAO you sure do like to make reference to fellatio. The thought of what’s on your computer’s history is nauseating. I’m sure we can narrow down your identity by looking at the sex offender list in your area. Just keep it clean in here please.

ITK it is your fellow gump Crimsunut who constantjy makes referennces fellatio as he did in hez post prior to mine to which I was replyg to. And he constanj MF’s people on here and uses al kinds of foul langiuage in his post. And I have niver once seend you tell him to “just keep it clean in here. Us thet becase you know his intellegence level prevence him from doing so or do you juss heve a double standarf for sumps? Like for yourselh. Just look at some of your most resent commenys to me. If that is your standars of keeping it clean in herw, you don’t have to worru about me.

Do I detect a tear? I have communicated this to him on many occasions, but since he’s not here simply to stir, his lewd comments vs. yours don’t stand out as much. Now if your mommy is still speaking to you, you can run along now and tell her ‘no fair’.

Outplayed? Put down the crack pipe asshole! You got your asses handed to you worse in the second half than what you handed them in the first half. You should remind yourself that a fucking football game lasts 60 minutes. But what would a Rat Turn know about it? By your dumbass reasoning your dumbass team shouldn’t have even been in the Championship game since you did nothing to win the Georgia game in the last minute. Two of their dumbass DB’s gifted you a game you had already lost. You can’t claim that bullshit for FSU and not claim it for Georgia, stupid ass!

Sorry you still have red ass from Saban spurning your disease ridden state for greener pastures. When I’m in need of a pick me up I do envision your face when he lifts the three Natty trophies he’s won while in Tuscaloosa. Especially the one in New Orleans!

ITK I’m not an Auburn fan so I don’t know if its true or not that Auburn’s eagle is dead. But if that is true, then you making the comment that you are glad about it make you a bigger piece of shyt human debris than I ever imagined!

I guess you are just trying to live up to your gump idol Harvey Updyke. Admit it you are just like him!

We? Who is we? You don’t own shyt ITK. Nick Saban wouldn’t let a low life like you or your twin, Harvey Updyke, anywhere near his program. You and your type are an embarrassment to him. You are nothing but human debris. I doubt if your mama is even proud of you.

AUmost has the lead, with the BCS crystal ball in their grasp and then the smartest coach in the SEC passes the ball? Duh whut? With a 1st round tackle and an All SEC running back?? Thanks for that. Made the offseason a tad more palatable until we hang another 49 on you at B-D this Nov.

Get used to Bama dropping 38 on them. LSWho’s best years are in the rear view mirror. Which is a shame. I used to like our rivalry. It was cute. They were infatuated with Bama (and still are) while we saw them as a means to an end.

Looks like the trailer rent is due. Poor ol ITK was told by his sister/girlfriend/cousin to get his ass back to work before they are kicked out of the park. It is ok ITK , I am sure the salvation army has been rebuilt in Tuscaloosa , so you will have somewhere to go.

I thought capstonereport.com went Shane on us until ITK could not hold his jealousy of Auburn in any longer. Hey Paul Crewe , did bama Aulmost make a Field Goal , Aulmost beat Oklahoma, and is bama Aulmost under investigation from the NCAA? You better hope bama’s bagman stays in hiding or all of lil nickys championships will be taken away. Then what will you , ITK, and the other gumps do with all those useless shirts you bought from Wal-Mart? Now as far as the whore above who thinks he has all the answers about college football……You are damn funny. Bama is the king of claiming national titles by rating systems that were not even around in the year they are claiming. Bama holds the record for being the lowest ranked team to ever claim a NC.

You’re right pal. I wish Bama had only one back-to-back 10+ win season in its history. And I wish sustained success wasn’t a big deal to us in Tuscaloosa, or that our fanbase was ready to crown ourselves after just one flash-in-the-pan season. Or hell, crown ourselves with three titles out of the clear blue damn sky. I wish we were little brother, constantly having to beat our own drum in order to get somebody…anybody…to sit up and notice us…or even know what dang state we’re in. And i wish we relied on renegade cast-offs from other programs in order to string together rosters…thugs who we never intend to graduate (all while Bama leads the SEC in graduation rates of its football athletes).

No dumbass, I know of no Bama fans obsessed with Barnrat’s. To be obsessed with Barnrat’s, first they would have to be a danger to Bama’s Dynasty. They’d have to beat us more than once every three years, and they’d have to beat us soundly something like 49-0 or 42-14 or 36-0. They’d have to have way more than two National Championships in 50 years. They’d have to win way more than 20 games over the past 3 years. They’d have to not lose the National Championship game to an ACC team since the ACC has been the laughing stock of the FBS for way over 10 years. No asshole, the only obsession around here is all these dumbass Barnrat’s who have taken up residence and constantly make us laugh till we piss our pants with their stupid ass other universe fantasies about the rise of the Barnturd empire and the fall of the Crimson Dynasty. Oh yeah, and there’s also one dumbass Coonass who is so fucking obsessed that he has been permeating the CR air with his stench for nearly 3 years even though his Corndog team is an embarrassment. Now that’s truely obsessed. ROTFLMMFAO!