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Breaking Bad Habits

Every toddler mom knows that little kids cling to their routines like gum to a shoe. After all, they're notorious for being cute creatures of habit. So is it any wonder that many moms need advice on how to nix bad habits in children? But whether a child's behavior is irksome (nose picking) or worrisome (head banging), the good news is that most of these baffling behaviors are pretty normal and often fade away on their own. Others may need subtle re-direction from you, but know that too big a push (like scolding, nagging, or teasing) and your tenacious tot may just dig in her heels. So how do you walk that fine line when it comes to breaking bad habits? Read on.

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Thumb Sucking

Why they do it: When you’re a small kid venturing out into the big world, a trusty thumb (or finger) makes the perfect security object. It’s always there when your tot needs it, especially when she’s feeling pooped or stressed.

What to do about it: The good news is that most toddlers gradually drop the thumb-sucking habit on their own by about age three, and it usually doesn’t affect the teeth or speech unless your child is sucking nonstop. If that’s the case, try to keep hands and mouth busy with activities such as singing, working an easy puzzle, steering ride-on toys, or blowing bubbles. Teach your Thumbelina to make a fist with the thumb inside when she’s tempted, and pile on the praise for big-kid actions (“great job getting your shoes on!”) to motivate her to give up little-kid habits like thumb sucking. Remember, shaming your child (“only babies suck their thumbs”) is neither effective nor kind.

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Attached to a Pacifier

Why they do it: Your pint-size explorer desperately wants to be independent (“Me do it!”), but taking those steps away from you into the unknown is daunting. That’s where the power of the pacifier (aka binky or paci) comes in — in a scary situation or unfamiliar terrain, it’s a familiar source of comfort.

What to do about it: Most kids will unplug by about age three, but if yours seems permanently glued to her pacifier, it’s time to think about breaking this bad habit. (All-day binky action can cause ear infections, affect the teeth, and delay language and social skills.) Your first tactic: Poke a few holes in the nipple to make sucking less satisfying. Then gradually set limits (where or when she can use her paci), and applaud when she sticks to the new rules.

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Unable to Let Go of a Lovey

Why they do it: Your tot’s lovey provides reassurance, especially when she’s fighting off fears (of the dark, strangers, loud noises) and testing her budding independence. By age five or sooner, she’ll likely loosen her grip.

What to do about it: Clutching a lovey isn’t considered a bad habit in children unless it’s interfering with everyday life (she won’t drop her stuffed rabbit to play with other kids). If your child never goes outside without her beloved Bunny, try introducing limits she can live with. (“Bunny can come along, but he needs to wait in the car while we go to your gymnastics class.”) You can also try keeping those little hands busy with finger-painting, puzzles, and other creative crafts.

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Head Banging

Why they do it: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Answer: Your child’s head (which she bangs against the crib or wall next to her bed until she falls asleep). This is one of those bad habits in children (like hair pulling and rocking) that worries parents because it’s so baffling. But it’s actually just a way for toddlers to let off steam, especially at bedtime.

What to do about it: Provide lots of opportunities for your Energizer Bunny to tire herself out (running around, banging with a toy hammer) during the day. Near bedtime, take it down a notch with rituals that also satisfy the need for rhythmic action, like slow-dancing to soothing tunes after you’ve read a story. Finally, make sure bedtime isn’t too early or too late — your tot should be sleepy but not overtired. If she’s still banging away after age three, hurting herself, or is antisocial, talk to your pediatrician.

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Hair Twirling

Why they do it: Twirling hair is a self-comforting activity (yet another bad habit in children that falls under this category). Not unusual in kids under three, it’s a way for little ones to wind down and deal with stress.

What to do about it: Parents bent on breaking bad habits often make the mistake of drawing attention to the no-no behavior. Instead of insisting your tiny twirler stop (chances are, it’ll only make her twist more), give lots of TLC and find other ways to relieve stress and release energy. Get-up-and-go activities (running in the park, jumping rope, throwing balls) make good outlets for excess energy as do soothing routines like story time in your lap or listening to quiet music. Still coiling away? Consider a new do — shorter tresses are much less satisfying to twirl.

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Nose Picking

Why they do it: Kids often pick their noses because they’re bored or stressed, or just nosy about what’s in their nostrils. But the most passionate excavators are often children with allergies — the resulting mucus and crusting makes them feel like they always have something up there.

What to do about it: Of all the bad habits in children, parents probably find this the most annoying (and icky) but don’t scold or shame your tot. Kids will gradually stop picking, in public at least, when they begin to care about what others think (around age four or five). In the meantime, distract digits with fun hands-on toddler activities (playing with blocks, puzzles). If the picking is causing bleeding, explain that it’s making boo-boos in her nose and she can always ask you for help with a tissue. If you suspect an allergy, talk to your pediatrician.

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Nail Biting

Why they do it: If you’re thinking stress and boredom, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Just like adults, toddlers bite their nails to relieve anxiety or because they have nothing else to do.

What to do about it: Don’t pull your child’s fingers from her mouth. That’ll only lead to a power struggle (whose hands are they anyway?) and possibly feed her appetite for nail biting. The best way to break this bad habit is to help your nibbler de-stress through plenty of physical activity and relaxing pursuits (coloring, looking at books). Also, make this bad habit boring for biters by keeping nails short. Lots of attention and affection from you will act as buffers against stressful events (like a new sibling or caregiver). A sticker reward for bite-free days or a home manicure can be motivating, too.

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