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This is the hardest thing I've ever written

I'm a writer. I have been since a very young age. I've written one book that is in editing and am currently working on a new book.

It's a book about the neglect, physical, emotional and sexual abuse I endured while in the foster care system and after I was adopted.

I may publish it under a different name or I may not. I'm not sure. Either way, it's just for me right now because writing helps me.

It is the hardest book I've ever tried to write though. Every time I share another memory, it's like I relive it. Part of me feel relief because I'm finally putting it on paper and getting it out of my head... and then the rest of me just feels sad. I'm still very, very young. I'm not even legal to drink. I haven't had the time it takes to heal from the things I've gone through and while this is me trying to heal and move on... I'm just still really struggling with it.

If you've ever been abused, feel free to share your story or how you have coped with it. I know I am far from alone. I'm kind of posting just to vent and because getting out the feelings of how writing about this part of my life makes me feel is just as important in the process to healing as writing the other stuff is.

Thanks. I figure, if I do publish it, that it will at least be another story that others can learn from. Everyone I know thinks I lived this perfect life after I got adopted. Everyone thinks that I had everything handed to me and everyone wanted my life.

No one ever knew how much of it was a wrong. My best friend... who I have been best friends with for the past 6-7 years just found out about a month ago because I shared it with her. She never would have guessed the part my father played.

If it can just make ONE person stop being a bully or at least think about what another person could be going through... it will have been worth it to share. Ya know?

How did you cope? Did you make it known that the book was yours or did you keep it private or did you just use a pen name so others didn't know it was you who wrote it?

Quoting 504bbymami:

I did this exact same thing in 20somethings

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:17 AM

1 mom liked this

It's always kind of been the thing that helped me most (other then animals).

Because I was a foster care kid, it kind of got slipped under the rader that a lot of my symptoms matched autism. So that made a lot of it even harder on me.

Writing it... sharing it... knowing that if those that are in it ever read it they will KNOW it is them and there will be nothing they can say or do because then everyone else will know to... kind of just helps.

Hugs hun, I know that must be hard. Hell, I know it's sometimes hard writing a fictional story(writer's block,which I happen to have right now), but one that can become so emotional? That is tough. You are braver than me. I don't know if I could do something like that. Good luck, hun. Good for you getting your story out there.

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