Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Gotta Start Somewhere...

I don't know what I want to write. I don't know why I really started this blog. I have no idea what to do now that I am not drinking or using. I am so bored... I literally feel insane. My mind is a snarled ball of snakes. I can't keep my train of thought longer than 30 seconds. I skip around from topic to topic or task to task. I think I have started writing 10 different blog posts today. I have yet to finish a single one.

BUT, it is all ok because I didn't take a drink today. No matter what happens, as long as I can say that I didn't drink today, it was a good day.

That really is as simple as it gets in early sobriety. My brain can't handle anything else. It really takes everything I have not to give in and go get beer. Everything in my body is screaming out for alcohol or something to take the edge off.

But I don't really want to just "take the edge off," I want to not feel. I want be completely, out of my skull fucked up. And that is the God's honest truth. Right now, in this moment... I would give almost anything to not feel everything.