Friday, November 18, 2011

So here we are...it's 2011, I am a different person living a life that is different than before. I am a changed person from over 5 years worth of waiting, wanting, wishing and hoping. I as well as most of the people who have adopted from China, have felt the desperate pull of knowing you will have a child, but when? Where? How?

I am now seeing the light at the end of this heartbreaking, dark difficult struggle to have a baby. My life is on the brink of a new change and I am extremely giddy at the thought that I will finally have my child in my arms.

I am also terrified, scared, antsy and nervous about whether I be patient and kind, will I love unconditionally, will I teach correctly...will I be a good mother?

Many have said that when you feel your baby in your arms for the first time, that it erases all the heartache, the uncertaintity...the long wait. I hope this is true!

I cannot wait to hold my child, and I'm certain I will make her cry because my emotions seem to be uncontainable at this point. I wonder if all the China adoptive mom's still read blogs, but now I understand how you were feeling at the time I met you. It is overwhelming to see your hope and dream coming true right before your eyes.

I am rambling now, but I wanted to express my feelings as I haven't written in the blog for a long while now.

My dreams are coming true. Thanks to all who have discussed the different things that bring with an international adoption. Your knowledge and advice has gone a long way with me and it will also go forward in the future as we bring our little baby home.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I know you are here on this earth baby girl. I can feel you so close to my heart and yet you are still so far away. I honestly do not know how much longer we will be apart, but I don't feel that it will be long. I anticipate seeing you in your crib in the mornings when you wake up...mussy hair and all. The big grin on your face as you come to recognize me as "mommy." The joy I will find in your giggles, your snuggles and your sweet tired cry. I anticipate the joy I will see in your daddy's face and he holds you and kisses you. I anticipate the ache in my arms from holding you, your sweet brow as you sleep, the funny faces you'll make when you try new food.