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Monday, March 12, 2012

Getting Ready

This is a simple breakdown of why girl's [stereotypically] take so long to get ready for dates, parties etc. Hopefully this helps out any guys out there who start doing their annual spring cleaning the moment their girlfriends say "just five more minutes!".

(note: this is just a satirical look at how women are stereotypically portrayed, please do not get offended by this if you are a female reader!)

1. The mental pre-planning
This happens subconsciously days or weeks before the actual event. We start thinking about what we will wear, whether our shoes will match, etc. It does more damage than it helps you, because it really just stresses you out more.2. The night before
Never mind! We got our perfect outfit and game plan. It's cool, let's have a good night's sleep now. Tomorrow's going to be a beautiful day.3. Just kidding
We wake up the next morning. The dress we picked out last night looks hideous now, what were we thinking?Freak out mode engaged, we try not to show it so we consult our friends on what different outfit we should wear.

4. Throughout the day
It's better now. We've settled on a few wearable things and everything is going to be fine. Let's start getting ready.5. Shower timeStep into the shower. Shampoo. Conditioner. Exfoliate. Soap, body scrub, body wash. Shave. Do a little soul-searching in the shower as well. Face cleanser, moisturizer, toner. Body lotion. Drying your hair the perfect way afterwards.

6. The inevitable accident
Whether it's a broken nail, a sudden breakout on the skin, or a rash on your arm, there will always be an unexpected "surprise" to get in the way. The last thing we want to do is let our dates know. So we go to Plan... B. Cover it up. In the most subtle way possible (which also means the longest way). All thoughts of how cute we looked with those shoes are gone. Will he notice that my ring finger has a chipped nail? He probably will. Time to do another coat of nail polish then.7. "Almost Ready!"
Not really. But we have to assure our dates that we're almost ready, or what if they leave?8. Wow.. that dress makes me look fat. (third time)Time to change it again. For reals. How come we didn't notice that before? Hmph.

9. Bag. Check. Perfume. Check. Keys...
Where are the keys? And the phone? Oh god, they're under the bed. But if we try getting it, it'll mess up my hair!10. Ready!
Okay, we got the phone. and the keys. Show time! I hope he doesn't mind that I'm a little late.11. One last look
I must say, my hair does look nice. Totally worth going to the hair salon for. Mydate looks nice too. A glance at the mirror. Oh god, is that a stray thread on my skirt? Oh no.

Obviously, this was just a joke post and I hope you guys don't take this seriously. :) Just felt like writing something like this today. Hopefully some of you realize that the "getting ready" part is a huge part that most girls look forward to, as weird as that might sound to you. Kind of like the buildup before the huge battle scene in a movie or video game. Kind of.