Well, friends, it’s time to settle in and accept the fact that True Blood has grown out of control like ivy crushing a frail, wooden trellis. It’s happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. All we can expect now that we’ve reached the halfway point of the season is for the remaining episodes to try to unravel the mess that’s been made. And we’re somewhat prepared for this since Russell Edgington is involved, but he’s not the one we should really be worried about. He’s since joined Salome and Nora in their praise of Lilith – so soon after renouncing their movement – and now, he’s simply a “fun”-loving vamp in the midst of a movement he only supports as long as it’s fun for him. Russell is relatively innocent and our fears are centered on another axis of evil: her name is Lilith.
And while men have provided a great deal of the conflict for the series – Sookie is a magnet for them – this season is greatly about the wiles and woes of women. Nora kidnapped Eric and Bill and brought them to the Authority; Salome played Roman and freed Russell for the love of Lilith; Sookie is struggling with the notion of her fairy essence and whether or not she should keep it; Arlene is destroyed in the wake of Terry’s Ifrit insanity; Pam is learning independence from Eric and the concept of motherhood; and Tara is learning that even though Pam is a bit cruel, she’s a better mother than Lettie Mae ever was.
But first, let us deal with this mess called Lilith. At the Authority’s chambers, we find Russell’s face splattered with blood, so we can be sure that last week’s staking really was the end of Roman. The Authority troopers sweep in to take Russell, as Salome pleads with them to keep him alive. We see one final flicker of the Bill and Eric buddy system when Bill sweetly panics because he can’t find Eric: He’s strung up on a column and his sense of humor has clearly not been dampened: “The view from up here is spectacular.” When they find themselves locked up once more, Bill and Eric reveal that they’re more stupid than we thought. Boys, we figured out Salome was the one who released Russell weeks ago. Try to catch up. They don’t catch on until they’re summoned to her chambers, where Nora and Russell are freely frolicking while Salome clears the “mystery” up for them and admits the plan was hers all along. She couldn’t carry the burden of having gone against scripture to kill the Guardian, Roman, so she needed Russell to do it for her. Somehow it’s okay if Russell does it, but I’m calling BS. I say she just didn’t have the strength or bravery to do it herself.
Meanwhile, Russell is only halfway committed to this whole Sanguinista movement. He’s just happy someone is allowing him to roam freely without having to escape the Authority’s rules at every turn. He offers Bill and Eric an olive branch, clearly brought on by the high of complete and utter freedom. Bill and Eric are distrusting of everyone and deny Salome’s offer to join them until the following day, when they attend the Lilith ritual and assume they can participate and simply pretend to play along.
But, it’s never that easy. Boys, when did you become so damned naïve? Did you really think it would all be so easy? Still, Bill shows himself to be the weaker of the two, as he has all season, whenever he’s bent to Roman’s mumbo jumbo “for survival,” Eric has stuck to his guns and look: they’re both still alive and well. He says he still believes mainstreaming is the only way to keep the world from imploding, yet when the Lilith praising starts (and Russell beheads the first dissenter) Bill and Eric drink the blood of Lilith along with everyone else, assuming it couldn’t hurt.
Next: Lilith's blood isn't so sweet...Well, if drinking vampire blood is like a drug to non vampires, then drinking an ancient vial of the original vampire’s blood is like heroin for vampires. The entire gang, including a very cozy Russell and his new plaything Steve Newland (who are actually kind of cute despite Russell’s bloodthirsty nature and Newland’s former desperation for Jason), storms Bourbon Street in New Orleans and begins intimidating innocent humans and claiming the streets as their own. It’s not long before they descend upon a karaoke bar full of cartoonishly boring, vanilla people, ripe for blood-sucking. The group drains the entire bar, leaving a wasteland of dead bodies, leaving no one behind. Russell is even shown drinking the blood of a young boy – we’ve traveled into truly ruthless territory. The likes of which we’ve yet to see on True Blood. Suddenly, a drop of blood manifests itself in the form of a naked Lilith, rising from the pool of blood that coats the floor. Why is she naked? Well, I think the bigger question is why the original vampire is emerging from a pool of human blood in the middle of a karaoke bar.
Luckily, Eric the “Bible-banging c**t” hater isn’t completely taken in by the blood of Lilith. Godric, in spirit form, is able to break through to him and convince him that Nora needs his help to understand that what they’re doing is wrong. In his heart, Eric knows it’s wrong. We know this is true when he looks at Nora and doesn’t see the vision of Lilith that is standing before her. At least we know that True Blood didn’t get as weird as we feared – Lilith’s apparition appears to be little more than a vision brought on by the high provided by drinking her blood. Let’s hope that’s the truth.
Meanwhile, Bill does not seem to be slowing down. While Eric stops to contemplate the acts he’s committed that night, Bill is as ravenous as ever. Could he truly be a sponge, absorbing whatever those around him are doing? We saw how hard it was for him to break free from Lorena’s free-wheeling lifestyle. Perhaps Bill is not as strong and upstanding as we’ve always assumed him to be. Could it be that Eric is actually the good one?
Perhaps Eric is the good one, but for now, that distinction has no bearing on Sookie’s life. She’s dealing with plenty of her own issues. After she used her light powers at the fairy burlesque, her fairy friends are concerned she’s using up her magic. If she uses it too often, she will lose her powers all together. While the thought clearly terrifies both fairies, Sookie’s eyes light up. She has the chance to be normal, just like she’s always wanted.
Plus, she’s riddled with guilt over her parents’ death. It was her special blood that killed them and after she talks to Sam, who says if he could become normal he’d stop putting his loved ones in danger, Sookie sees only one answer: she’s got to get rid of her magic. Jason does his best to convince her that there’s nothing wrong with her and that she’s not to blame, but while he visits Jessica to try and work through his feelings about vampires, Sookie tries to use up all of her light.
But before he can get to her, he’s knee deep in a fight with Jessica. She tries to convince him that all vampires aren’t equal – that some are good. It’s something we, the viewers, are beginning to question too, what with Eric and Bill going all blood-sucking zombie in New Orleans. Jessica starts to kiss Jason to show him how tender vampires can be, but he tastes the blood of the fangbanger she’s been feeding on upstairs. She tries to convince him the dude is just her dinner, but that’s not something Jason can wrap his head around – and to be fair, that’s probably because like he says, when a human is feeding on cow’s meat, there’s generally not any sexual interaction with the provider of the sustenance. And if Jason wasn’t already fully against the vampire way, Jessica’s reaction to his hate will surely finish him off. She bites him, something she said she’d never do to him because it was so intimate, yet now, it’s done in violence and anger. He shoots her in the head in an effort to get her off of him, and just like that, his only tie to vampire-centric sympathy is gone.
Meanwhile, Sam and Andy are dealing with the aftermath of their self-defense killing at the supernatural weaponry store. Sam’s keen nose ferrets out the box of Obama masks in the store’s back room, confirming what Hoyt’s latest friendship already suggested.
Hoyt, who is still the most pointless character on this show, is being initiated into the hate group (he even gets his own Obama mask later), whose angle is to eradicate everything that’s making them lost their sense of superiority in nature. Hoyt, still hurt by Jessica’s rejection, latches onto what he thinks is “love” radiating from his hateful cohorts. After their leader, someone who goes by “The Dragon,” calls to tell them Junior was killed at the gun store, Hoyt gives them Jessica’s full name and they convince him she glamored and “date raped” him. It’s obvious he doesn’t fully believe what he’s saying, but his hate is obtuse and obstructing that he agrees with them and says he fully hates her. He could have just condemned her to death, and now that Jason is no longer on her side, she could be in real danger.
The two groups later converge when Sam’s nose leads him on a chase through the hospital. He finds one of the men who shot at he and Luna and tackles him. It’s one of the men who was with Hoyt and while he’s working his regular job, Hoyt and the others are suiting up for another murderous mission. He smells one of the crew who shot him and Luna, follows him and tackles him. It is one of the men – one who was with Hoyt. It’s possible, seeing as the men were so eager to deliver an Obama mask to Hoyt, that they could be heading for Jessica’s house. And just when she’s been left alone by the one person who cares most for her.
Next: Alcide isn't pining over Sookie... at all.But Jason isn’t the only one who’s moved on. Alcide is filling his sexual desires with his partner, the sexy werewolf who vouched for him when he challenged the pack master. She does have the jump on Sookie in that she constantly walks around naked while Sookie insists on wearing actual clothing. But she does touch a nerve when she tells Alcide to take V once to level the playing field against J.D. whose completely hopped up on the stuff. Alcide may not stick to his feelings for Sookie, but he never wavers on V: “No. It’s like swallowing death. You take it, and you’re dead inside.”
Just then, Martha comes in to defend J.D., who she says was always so loyal to Marcus even though he believed that he had more right to the packmaster title. She eats her words later when she witnesses J.D. convincing the pack to take V, even baby wolf Emma. Martha may have started as an irrational bi**h this season, but she’s quickly showing herself to be nothing more than a fierce mother who refuses to believe the worst in those she loves. But this betrayal is bringing her to reason, as much as she might want to resist. Alcide may have another ally after all.
Oh, but there’s more. There’s at least a six-pack of characters we haven’t even touched upon. After Terry left her in order to keep her and the kids safe, Arlene is watching her wedding video and mourning the loss of the life she once knew – and in the process, we are too. We see Jesus and Lafayette when they were happy, Jessica and Hoyt considering marriage, and Jason still happily chasing tail. The world of Bon Temps is changed and marred, even moreso than when the video was taken – a time when the whole town thought they’d lost Sookie forever. But it may not be lost. Holly comes to Arlene with the best advice anyone on Bon Temps has ever given: she tells Arlene not to give up on Terry because clearly, they live in a world where nonsensical incidents and beings are the norm. She convinces Arlene not to give up on her husband, but she can’t do much about Terry giving up on himself.
When the Ifrit sneaks up on Patrick and Terry, it won’t kill them. In fact, it laughs and gains enjoyment from torturing the two former soldiers. Terry can’t take it and tries to kill himself because he doesn’t want to be tortured by this manifestation of their guilt for the rest of his life – well guess what buddy, that’s how guilt works. Patrick takes the gun and apologizes for giving him the order that cursed their whole regiment, and his intolerant comment about suicide being for Muslims aside, Patrick is the only who makes sense: Terry can’t throw his life away because he’s got kids waiting back in Bon Temps. Hopefully, Patrick will take his guilt and remorse and sacrifice himself to get this Ifrit out of our lives so we can focus on the important plotlines for once.
Speaking of plot points that need be sewed up (you’re going to hate me for that choice of words in a second), Lafayette visits Jesus’ uncle thanks to his mother’s “conversation” with Jesus’ severed head. There’s just one problem: Jesus’ uncle sews Laf’s mouth shut and is planning to kill him so he can reclaim the dark magic Lafayette stole from Jesus when he was possessed by Marnie. (You and I know how nuts this sounds, and we’re okay with the notion of a vampire religion. This story has got to go.) Jesus’ tio is about to kill Laf, but his wife jumps up and murders the magic man before cutting the bloody stiches off of Lafayette’s mouth. I’m always prepared for blood on this show, but the mouth-sewing torture was just a little too far for my tastes – and perhaps it’s a matter of adjusting, just like we did with the notion of watching attractive vampires suck on people’s necks and thighs, but it’s something I don’t care to get used to.
Finally, we have the secondary plot that I wish was more central. The compelling development of Tara’s relationship with Pam is not given nearly the billing it deserves, especially now that Tara’s mother has denounced her. Lettie Mae selfishly takes Tara’s new life – the one she did not want for herself – as a personal attack. At least we see where Tara gets her selfish notion that the world is out to get her. With Lettie Mae’s refusal, Pam is not the only mother Tara has – and she’s still more nurturing than her real mother ever was. Case and point: Tara is crying in Pam’s office and she allows Tara to hug her like a frightened child, but only for a moment. As soon Pam starts to feel something, she pushes Tara off. But it’s happening slowly – she’s coming to love her child, especially in the wake of her split with Eric.
With rich stories like the vampire religion, Russell’s real plan, Tara’s relationship with Pam, Sookie’s possibility of becoming normal, Bill’s apparent rejection of reason, why are we wasting time with fire monsters and Hoyt? True Blood, you’ve clearly still got the ability to ensnare us, but every step you take towards these half-baked stories is a step away from maintaining your grip.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: HBO]
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Generally speaking, most criminal dramas are pretty straightforward: a horrendous crime is committed, the police investigate and later catch the bad guy. It's a great pattern that always seems to work time and time again, but one that the show Covert Affairs doesn't seem to stick to. Instead, infiltration is the name of this game, where the good guys (or girls) pretend to blend in with the bad guys (or girls). Of course, this should come as no surprise given the fact that the mere definition of "covert" means to never be openly acknowledged or displayed. In other words, it means to be secretive, making this one affair the audiences will always remember.
Though I've never watched a single episode of the show before now, I was immediately intrigued by the amount of ground that was covered in the opening premiere. Unlike some shows that tend to make viewers wait for the slow burn of action, Covert Affairs goes in with guns (or rather explosions) blazing. Just how blazing, you ask? Enough to kill off one of the main characters on the show less than five minutes in. After (SPOILER ALERT!) Jai Wilcox (Sendhil Ramamurthy) gets killed courtesy of a car bomb, Annie (played by Piper Perabo) and the entire DPD team feel a massive aftershock, which involves everyone getting transferred to a bunch of different departments.
For her part, Annie gets reassigned to work with espionage legend Lena Smith, who isn't above telling her operatives to use any means necessary to get intel on a case — including feminine wiles, which is exactly what Annie utilizes during her first assignment. How do you get the dirt on an insanely dangerous yet insanely attractive man? Apparently, you take a steamy shower with him after a sandstorm. We've suspected it for years, but it turns out the quickest way to a man's deepest, darkest secrets is through his junk... mail (what did you think I was going to say?). Take notes, officers — sometimes mixing business with pleasure isn't always a bad thing.
And while most of the episode was dedicated to Annie and her undercover operation, we did get a brief glimpse of the other characters, just long enough to want to learn more of their story. Peter Gallagher's Arthur Campbell is no Sandy Cohen, but I'll take what I can get from this guy. And does anyone else find Auggie (Christopher Gorham) absolutely adorable? If I had one complaint for this episode, it would be that there wasn't enough of him in it. Annie's got a great storyline going for her with this new job and dealing with the death of a colleague, but it'd be great to see more action from the other characters as well, who seem both unique and compelling.
But nevertheless, if this action keeps up, this little CIA operative could set the tone for all criminal dramas out there. With so many similar shows out in the TV landscape, you either have to go big or go home — and by the looks of things, this series plans on the former.
[Photo credit: USA Network]
Follow Kelly on Twitter @KellyBean0415
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The magical R-rating is both a gift and a curse to Adam Sandler's signature brand of lowbrow humor. In That's My Boy the comedian returns to the dim-witted roots that made him a star in early outings like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore (complete with high-pitched mushmouth accent) but with a ramped up "ew" factor. Unrestrained Sandler piles on as many expletives and gross-out scenarios as a two-hour movie can hold — and it works out quite well. With costar Samberg nailing the disgusted straight man role Sandler's penchant for acting like a fool is enhanced by the sick stylings of director Sean Anders (Sex Drive) and only occasionally teetering into truly offensive territory. Laughs aren't guaranteed but the movie provokes (which is a big step up from Jack and Jill).
Back in the '80s Donny had a secret relationship with his teacher Ms. McGarricle that resulted in a son Han Solo (he's a middle schooler what do you expect?). The torrid affair put McGarricle in jail Donny into celebrity tabloid spotlight and Han Solo in the hands of a tween father. Thirty years later everyone's screwed up: Donny (Adam Sandler) is a drunk on the brink of jail time for tax evasion McGarricle's still in jail and Han Solo (Andy Samberg) now "Todd " is a successful number-cruncher with severe social issues. On the weekend of Todd's wedding Donny reenters his life hoping to bring revive their relationship and reunite him with his mother — that is on camera so Donny can make $50 000 from a gossip TV show and stay out of the slammer. Posing as Todd's long-lost best friend Donny stirs up trouble becoming buddies with Todd's friends and family and acting like a imbecile.
The wedding setup is overdone but always prime for comedy: plenty for a numbskull to screw up logical progression (there's a wedding at the end!) and a bachelor party scene to squeeze in the most disgusting bits and have them make sense. That's My Boy makes the most of its conventions — including what we all know and expect from a Sandler comedy — by continually one-upping itself. After a night of heavy drinking at the local strip club/omelette bar that results in do-it-yourself ear piercing and robbing a convenience store with Vanilla Ice Todd returns home to expel the night's worth of drinking all over his fiancee's wedding dress. Then he makes love to the dress. Then his fiancee (Leighton Meester) wakes up to find the dress. Then it goes even further than one would care to imagine. Grossed out yet? Amazingly lower-than-low brow material is handled with clever timing and great delivery. It's just that the foundation is bodily fluids.
That's My Boy falters when it throws in gags that serve zero purpose to the story. Strange racist humor a mentally retarded bar patron played by Nick Swardson (a Sandler mainstay) random allusions to Todd Bridges' drug habits — barrel-scraping one-offs that have nothing to do with the movie. At two hours the movie needs slimming and the fat is apparent. Thankfully the main ensemble goes to great lengths to make the hard R comedy click with Sandler and Samberg playing well off each other (although Samberg doesn't have the making of a leading man after this movie) and SNL alums like Will Forte Rachel Dratch and Ana Gasteyer driving by to bring the funny. Even Vanilla Ice's extended cameo fits the anything-goes tone playing a version of himself that befriended Donny in his celebrity days. Now he works at an ice skating rink.
After a few lame ducks That's My Boy is a return to form for Sandler. It wavers in quality but it has energy and color. A cash-in this is not and for any Sandler fan with a stomach for hardcore bathroom humor it's a must-see.
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May sweeps is under way and primetime Monday proved to be a victorious night for CBS thanks to CSI: Miami. But while CBS leads the way so far in total viewers with 13.7 million, NBC remains on top in adults 18-49 through the first five nights of the four-week sweeps period.
NBC's powerful Monday night episode of Third Watch, the network's first season finale, featured the gruesome death of paramedic turned firefighter Alex Taylor (Amy Carlson) in a fiery explosion. The show ended on a who-shot-whom note with three cops--Yokas (Molly Price), Bosco (Jason Wiles) and Cruz (Tia Texada)--firing their weapons at one another after a tense standoff.
According to Nielsen, Third Watch's seg--round one of Fear Factor's semifinal competition featuring 12 of the show's former winners--led from 8 to 9 while Watch was second in most categories and first in men 18-49.
The CBS comedy Everbody Loves Raymond, which was the night's most-watched program overall with 17.92 million viewers, beat out the first half of Watch but the cop drama pulled ahead of CBS' comedy Still Comedy from 9:30 to 10.
The CBS drama CSI: Miami, however, squashed NBC's Crossing Jordan in the 10 to 11 time slot with 17.81 viewers overall. It was the Monday night's top show in the 18-49 demographics.
Over at Fox, Monica Lewinsky's new reality show Mr. Personality pulled in mediocre ratings in its second week. It placed third, but still managed to lead in the 18-34 demographic, building on the lackluster lead-in episode of Boston Public.
ABC fared poorly with the television premiere of Charlie's Angels, which aired on the network from 9 to 11. The movie tanked in the ratings, placing third behind CSI: Miami and Crossing Jordan.
Lead by Girlfriends and Half and Half, UPN's Monday night comedy block was up 80 percent year to year in adults 18-34, beating out the WB's teen series Everwood.
So far, NBC leads the way in the May sweeps, followed by CBS, Fox, ABC, the WB and UPN. But networks will be pulling out all the stops for the duration of the four-week ratings period. The final Monday of the rating period, May 19, will include Robert and Amy's wedding on CBS' Everbody Loves Raymond, season finales of NBC's Crossing Jordan and Fear Factor and a wrap-up of Fox's Mr. Personality. ABC will feature a three-hour 50th-anniversary special, Variety reports.