Hooking Up: What Guys REALLY Think About Virgins

I know, we've definitely written about this before. But this time it's different. This time it's about someone I know. That's right, a young woman I know recently one of my friends to be her first. Here's why he said "no" and then changed his mind:

Recently, the woman in question that my friend had been spending some time with (she's a great deal younger than him, but we all have friends in common, go to the same bars, etc) confessed to him, mid-makeout, that she was a virgin. He was really surprised. As my friend Beth said, "Those are like Unicorns!"

Not only was she a virgin, but she was tired of being one. And so the wheels started turning.

He wasn't exactly psyched. First and foremost, He's not really looking for a relationship right now. Neither my friend nor I think that all sex has to be between people who are committed to each other, but more often than not sex means a certain emotional attachment, especially with your first. And he really didn't want to encourage that attachment right now.

Secondly, he didn't expect it to be that pleasurable. He presumed it would painful for her, awkward and uncomfortable—3 things NOT at the top of his (or my) priority list.

Finally, there was a creepy factor. Yeah, she's an adult and old enough to make her own decisions, but there was a significant age gap, like 10 years. If I found out my little sister was seeing a much older guy, I would be concerned.

On the other hand, she seemed fine with the fact that he wasn't looking for a relationship, she and understood that sex wouldn't change that. She was at a point where she "just wanted to get it over with" and wanted to do it with someone who respected her and was experienced.

He figured, "Better me than some jerk she meets at a bar." He also became concerned over what would happen if he said "no." He was honest with her about his considerations, but in the back of his mind, he kept thinking, "at this point, if I say no' how is it going to effect her?"

Still, he said no, but the attraction remained. They kept hanging out, and a week later he decided (soberly) to do the deed.

What were you worried about before your first time? Do you think my friend did the right or wrong thing?

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