Cant even go pee without a melt down!!!

03-05-2011, 08:40 PM

My son just turned 2 and I am starting to question if the "independance" that supposedly comes from attachment parenting ever comes. Not that I expect him to be travelling alone or anything, but I can't even go upstairs to go to the washroom with out my son crying for me.
When I do go out without him, which is only ever for max 3hrs at a time, I have to sneak out without him seeing me. He is generally fine with dad or the grandparents while I am gone, but wants me as soon as I return. I have no issues with that, I give him all the attention he needs.
I am a stay at home mom and I still breastfeed so Im always home in time for nap or bed time so I'm never gone long. I pick him up when he cries and comfort him, perhaps a little too much now that he has learned it always gets my attention. I'm no Suzy homemaker so I dont ignore him to clean very much. Its rare that he will even sit on the couch with his dad or anyone else except me...hes actually quite rude (facial expressions mostly) when people try to pick him up or even hand him a toy...it always has to be me.
99% of the time I love that he wants me, but its a bit much when I cant even fold some laundry or go pee without a melt down. Most of the time its actual tears, like hes really scared I'm going to leave. What can I do??? I dont want to let him cry, but I need to be able to breathe too.

Hi, my 18 month-old daughter and I have a pretty similar situation. I have found it very helpful to have her help me when I am doing something. She loves to help me with the laundry, and whatever else I might want her cooperation with. She loves especially to match the socks and put the clothes in/take them out of the washer & dryer. With bathroom trips, I take her in with me and if it's going to be a minute I let her dump her bath toys on the floor to entertain herself. It only takes a minute to clean them up with her so it's worth it. As for leaving her, she used to get upset but I started cutting my goodbyes to a very simple "Bye! I'll be back in a few minutes" and a kiss. At first she was resistant, but now it doesn't even phase her. If I sneak out on her, it makes her panic because all of a sudden I am gone and she has no idea if/when I am coming back. So I make sure to let her know that I am leaving. I try to get her involved in something she really likes to do before I leave also. She doesn't often go to her dad, but she really enjoys sitting on his lap to share a chip or a cookie and watch a cartoon. Whatever works to give her a positive association with him! Hope this helps...also the book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen is a must read!

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I'm no expert (only have my experience with my 26 month old to go on) but I'm guessing from your description that his clinginess may have to do with your absences, as evandderaart said, leaving without saying goodbye and also leaving for such a long time (3 hours). Remember, he doesn't know when you are coming back, so the longer the absence the more panic or anxiety it might be creating in him. I haven't been apart for my 26 month old for more than 1 hour at a time and he always knows where I am (actually I am always home - or at the hairdressers etc...and it is he who leaves - with Daddy He knows where I am and knows he can come back any time he wants to se me). We have actually never tried me leaving him and I think he deals with our separation so well because he always knows where I am. I know that's probably not always possible for everyone though....

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I am expecting my third baby this summer, and now that I've been through the toddler years twice, I just want to say, that it's totally developmentally normal for your child to have separation anxiety at this age. I agree that allowing your child to be with you as much as you can, doing laundry or even being in the restroom, will give your child such pleasure -- they love to follow you around and do everything you do at this age. If you need time to yourself, consistency helps -- if you do something about the same time every week and leave your child with the same person(s), that really does help to give your child reassurance.