If you're in prison and want to keep your dealing business alive, you need a cellphone. But how to you get it through security? Baking loaves of bread, crossbowing over prison walls, and, of course, the good old rectum.

They Daily Mail published an entertaining and disheartening rundown on the many techniques prisoners use to score their phones behind bars. The schemes, despite their blue collar James Bond aesthetic, sound difficult to predict—plans like wrapping a phone in a waterproof case before dropping it into a milk carton in which prisoner-enlisted kitchen help then opens milk and ganks the phone before anyone is the wiser.

Of course, keep in mind, the most effective plots are probably the ones we haven't heard about yet. [DailyMail via textually]