Saturday, 29 March 2014

The Reluctant Empath

To Be Able To Feel So Deeply Is Both A Blessing And A Curse

I have been constantly feeling drained. This had been happening for years, and I used to think that that was caused by a life of poor diet, insufficient sleep and work stress. However, several years later, after fixing my health issues with a daily dose of balanced nutrition, some physical activity like yoga, brisk walk or sessions with the personal trainer at the gym, my health was back on the mend but my constant exhaustion seemed to get worse.

I also noticed that my "gut feeings" got increasingly more sensitive. I often accurately picked up sentiments, or issues that someone else was facing just after a few minutes of talking to him or her. I sometimes picked up on a pain or an ailment that a friend living far away might be suffering from just because I thought about her at a particular moment or was communicating wth her via Facebook at that time, When a friend told me that her uncle had passed away a few months ago, I suddenly felt that I was being choked and could not breathe, I was told later that her uncle died of breathing complications. When a client told me that her sister had passed away, I felt a sudden pain at the back of my head and found out later that her sister had died of brain tumor. More importantly, in circumstances like these, I often felt a cord of bereavement and sadness tied between these friends and their loved ones who had passed on, and it was obvious that they had difficulty letting go. I went into panic attacks when I felt the fear, anxiety or disappointment that my clients were going through. These situations were often so intense that I did not need my Tarot cards to tell me more about them.

It became a curse when I found it difficult to control the negative energies that I took on from others. It drained me considerably when I felt the pain and sufferings of other people. I felt like a hypochondriac, developing imaginary aches and pains that were not actually there in my body. Or I might feel low and depressed because I saw the anguish of a friend's brother for example, through her eyes although she lived in the US and I lived in Singapore. I felt her pain of not knowing how to help him, while at the same time I felt her brother's anxiety and anger that he had been going through. I gleaned all that without her providing me the details and I spent a day nursing a migraine and back pain because of this.

It became a bigger curse as my very close friends and colleagues were aware of my gift of clairvoyance and mediumship, and would diplomatically tell me, "keep it to yourself". I have even got friends who were uncomfortable about having a nice quiet dinner with me just because they "don't want to know."

However, just as it was a curse, It became a blessing when I realized my empathy helped me understand my clients' life journeys enough for me to help support them along the way. Being an Empath helped me feel what they felt within their situations and understand them better. Being a psychic Empath helped me focus on the root cause of their situations and provide them with better advice to deal with them.

Learning To Be Gentle With MyselfWhen I realized that I needed to quickly learn to control and manage my intuitive gifts positively, I began a search for answers. Yesterday, the most important thing I had learnt was encapsulated in the words of Danielle Dove - "the best way of getting rid of my feelings of insecurity, was to get on my path of serving my life purpose". My feelings of insecurity had always been a stumbling block, a hurdle placed across my path by my ego. My insecurity reared it's ugly head when I feared how others thought about me or worse, I was so worried that when I interpreted anything based on my gut feel, it could be wrong because my rational mind started to analyze it and mentally build a business case for what could explain that gut feel in practical terms.

So this week, I learnt to be gentle on myself. I learnt to acknowledge my intuitive gifts, and more so, I learnt to acknowledge some of the pitfalls of my gifts like the insecurities, the constant drain on my energy and the pains or sadness I had absorbed from other people. I asked myself then, "What were these experiences attempting to teach me and what purpose did they have for their existence before sending them some love and light for healing.

I learnt to take care of myself better, I rested when the body and mind told me it needed rest to recharge and recuperate. I learnt to listen more intently to my clients and look beyond the Tarot Cards, Numerology and Astrology for more insights that could help offer them even better advice. I learnt to meditate with better focusedness and clearer intent, visualizing what I had intended to manifest at the end of the meditation session. I learnt to ask for help from the Universe for everything, shedding away my ego and my pride. When I needed help to stay grounded when it got all too much for me, my mind and body automatically went on "rest" mode. When I felt a calling to sink my feet deep within the grass, I would gather the dogs and go out for a walk by the beach.

Guided By The Empress

Today, I meditated to the Empress card. I picked the card from the Radiant Rider Waite deck. The Empress depicted within the card wore a crown of stars which suggested her connection to the mystical realm of angels and spirit guides. She had an intuitive connection to the divine which allowed her to tune in to the messages she needed to fill the earth with her love and abundance. It was a message for me to tune into my higher self and trust the messages it provided that was necessary for the healing of my clients and myself. The Empress was full-bodied and pregnant, dressed in a rich robe with images of pomegranates printed on her robe. This hinted to me that I had to be ready for the birth of a new aspect of myself, a new awareness of my capabilities and what it could do for my clients and myself. The Empress sat amongst lush greenery. She was an archetypal earth mother, very connected with nature. She called to me to be grounded and renew my spirit by re-connecting with nature regularly. I needed that. When it got all too much for me, I needed to go walk barefoot in the park and feel the wind in my face.

The Empress was governed by the planet Venus which was the planet of love and harmony. She reminded me that I must always come from a place of pure intent, directing my gifts to serve only the highest good, in love, truth and light. I must trust my instincts and my intuition, even without the use of my Tarot cards, my Numerological calculations or my Astrological assessments. I had to learn to create harmony of body, mind and spirit within myself so that I could better help others.

The Empress guided me to learn to trust my own capabilities to manifest healing with my gifts as an Empath.

About The Writer:The writer of this blog post is a marketeer by trade, and a tarot card reader by accident. She was awarded a Certified Professional Tarot Reader qualification from the Tarot Certification Board of America (TCBA) and is also a certified numerologist. She is currently running a Tarot consultancy based in Singapore called Sun Goddess Tarot, which provides confidential intuitive readings combining the metaphysical disciplines of Tarot, Numerology and Astrology via face to face and emails as well as readings at corporate and private events and workshops. A member of the American Tarot Association (ATA) and the Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), she is also a reader for the Free Tarot Network and mentors Tarot protégés on behalf of the American Tarot Association

About Me

My name is Joanna Ash and I live in Singapore. I am a Marketing and PR professional for more than 20 years. I am also a freelance writer, writing Mixed Martial Arts (MMA)-related articles in partnership with my husband David's sport photography work at www.singaporemaven.com. I have always loved contact sports, and played rugby competitively when I was younger. I am now training in Boxing and Muay Thai, with the hope of fighting competitively one day when the coaches think I am ready. As I was born a psychic intuitive, I also run a consultancy on the side offering intuitive readings that combine multiple metaphysical disciplines like Tarot, Numerology, Astrology and Clairvoyance.
Opinions expressed within this blog is purely my own and does not represent that of my employer's.