Friday, August 28, 2009

For instance, as of yesterday and especially today I have noticed that I am very irritable, moody and things of that nature. I don't feel like doing too much, but at the same time I am restless. And while I was in a state of peace with myself, I can almost feel my feelings and emotions building up inside me. I can't stop thinking about everything, but in particular, my moving to my new apartment (YAY ME!!!) and my love life, as usual.

So I said all that to say that the above website, pretty much predicted all of this to me. And I read about it yesterday. Crazy right? Read this...

YESTERDAY

You've reached a time of inner peace and balance. Your perceptions and communication are operating on both emotional and intellectual levels, creating a much more satisfying method of interacting with the world at large. Your personal relationships, especially with the women in your life, are running very smoothly; if you're used to having trouble communicating with your sister or your mother, for example, call her up and enjoy a delightful conversation! If you have a solid emotional base in your life -- a long-term lover, a close connection with your parents, even a very loyal and loving pet -- you'll reap the benefits of that relationship. If not, now is the perfect time to start laying that kind of foundation with other people. If you're single and looking for a lover, this is a good time -- your communication is soulful, emotional and true. If you're single and loving it, this is the perfect time to rediscover how much emotional nourishment you can actually provide for yourself. After all, your relationship with yourself may be the most important of all your personal relationships, and is certainly one to be cultivated.

TODAY

You're feeling out of sync with your environment and out of sorts for no conceivable reason right now. A rebellious, restless energy passes through your day, disrupting your routine, your work and your mood. If you allow this energy to take hold, you could suddenly find yourself in an argument you wouldn't usually have strong emotions about. Your actions or utterances may surprise you and those around you; you're uncharacteristically defiant and agitated.Keep close watch on yourself, your emotions and your behavior. In a positive sense, any long-buried or suppressed feelings are now coming to the surface, asking for your examination.The work and relationships you are involved in on a daily basis are undergoing some sort of challenge. The people with whom you are closest seem suddenly removed from you; your relationships with them are tense and strained. Rather than simmering under the surface, these tensions are welling up and out; thus, arguments and misunderstandings are likely during this period. You may not be conscious of the fact that there are feelings at work within you that are coloring all your interactions; you would do well to think about what these feelings might be so that you can deal with the world -- and with your friends and loved ones -- on a more direct basis. You feel a bit emotionally jagged now, somehow out of sorts, as if you are not communicating well with yourself. You may get into disagreements with others as a result, especially if you normally tend toward moodiness and irritability. The current energy lends itself well to friction, so the more naturally susceptible you are to getting out of balance, the more this energy will affect you.

See how one day can make such a difference? And its crazy because I can FEEL all of this happening, as we speak. And with this website you can read days ahead, and this intense emotional energy that I feel is suppose to only get stronger. And it is suppose to be the universe's way of getting me to focus more on myself, and my desires, wants, needs, feelings, everything. And I can say that I went through all of this earlier this year, and it lasted from about February to May. But it may have lasted that long because I kind of tried to resist everything that was going on the first time, but as soon as I gave in, I noticed things started to change, and I become more at peace with myself, and what was going on in my life. And my mind was able to rest. It was refreshing.

But I can feel it happening all over again. And I just don't want to go through it, but I know that the more I resist, the longer it will take for this energy to pass. But I am dreading the emotional bursts, and outpours that I know I am bound to experience soon. But I know that all of this will better me somehow in the end, so I have no choice but to suffer through it. But I really hate feelig all extra emotional. I know Im already an extremely emotional person, I just don't show it.

And also, I read on the website that now is a great time to reveal my feelings to my lover. And during my last "whatever you wanna call it," my only concern was letting my "lover" (lol) know exactly how I felt. Like I knew that I had to tell him, but it never actually happened. And now those same feelings are all coming back to me, and I feel the urge to tell him how I feel- AGAIN. Why couldn't I have just stayed the "Carefree don't really give a fuck" girl that I was really starting to love. Because I noticed that some of the normal shit that really got on my nerves months back has not been bothering me at all recently. But I do know that this is something that I am going to eventually HAVE to do, like there is no way around it. It is inevitable, but I can't help but to put it off.

See let me explain. I know exactly how I feel, and in my mind I know exactly what I want to tell my "lover." (lol, that word is so funny to me) But here is my dilemma, I am very emotional on the inside, but I don't express my emotions on the outside, too often. Which, I assume, is why people always tell me they can't figure me out, or that I am hard to understand. But I conciously know the extent of my emotions. I get extremely passionate about stuff that I am interested in. So I do not want to scare my "lover" away by coming off like Im head over heels in love. Because in my approach to explain how I feel, I would need to make sure I told the person how I show somebody I like them. Because I know from just regular observation that my approach is alot less demonstrative in terms of words, and more centered on showing someone how I feel through my actions. And even with my actions, I don't do grand displays of affection, but alot of small stuff that I think really matters in terms of love.

Because for me, just simply being able to stand being around somebody is what matters most. Building a relationship based on friendship is important because with a friendship you learn to love the greatness of that person, but you also learn to accept their flaws. And so I believe in taking my time, and not rushing things. But then I think because I am a girl, guys expect me to be pressing the issue about things, but I don't. I am extremely laid back and cool when it comes to dealing with guys. Especially guys that I like. I try not to develop expectations because that usually only sets me up for disappointment. But I don't want my feelings to be discredited because I don't openly or so dramatically express them, as other women typically do.

And I was told to stop thinking about my feelings, and just feel them. But Im kind of scared because I know how intense my feelings can be. And I know I would be one of those crazy girls if I let my feelings dictate my actions. Cause I be ready to fuck a motherfucker up for small shit that I can't stand. But I know its small, so I get over it. And I don't like arguing, so I avoid it when I can. I don't think Im a lost cause anymore, I just think I need more time. And more lovers. (lol)

Seventeen Daily Freebie

My Mantras

"Sleeping is for Dreamers"- Megan "A red soled shoe doesn't mean they're Louboutins" Translation: Separate the real from the fake.- Megan"I am what I repeatedly do. Therefore my flyness is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle and Megan"When you are too focused on what you don't have, you won't have."- Kanye West, Thank You and You're Welcome

"It is a golden rule from day one that you must put others before yourself. I believe this to be true, but as the second verse says, if you don't first look out for yourself, then you'll never be able to help anyone else. Self-preservation is actually in my opinion a big contributor to society." -Andrew Marlin, "The Rabbit"

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but we wait so long to begin it" "Sure Books can Guide you, but your heart defines you"- Jay-Z"Life ain't meant to come around twice, thats why I gotta get it right"- Lupe Fiasco"When people show you who they are, Believe them""You're better off in no relationship, than a bad relationship"