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Thursday, 30 April 2015

Clarity

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different..”

I guess people relate to sadness. People love to know that other people are hurting. Knowing that someone else out there understands what you're going through, that what you feel isn't different and that others just like you, are struggling just as much as you are.I guess sadness is reality and reality is truth.When you're happy or successful, people envy you. People see the lies behind it all and eventually you lose a crowd of people who followed you because you were unique.

Nobody wants to hear about how great your life is, how happy you are or how you are better than you were before.Everyone wants compassion and relativity. Everyone wants to know someone in pain.

I couldn't define a time when things changed.Maybe it was when I started loving again.Maybe it was when i started to accept the flaws of me and started to nourish and embrace them rather than hate them.

Things got a little bit brighter and the nights of long hours and stale thoughts disappeared.I lost thought about drugs, suicide and darker things.I was happy, and my writing reflected that.My happiness was something that nobody wanted to hear about.Nobody cared.

People flocked to read about pain, torture, anguish and despair. I had people thanked me for being so confronting and upfront with how i lived my life.So I owe them.

Happiness is great.Feeling healthy, loving fully and feeling complacent in a world of chaos seems normal. For once, in a very long time, I feel like I am going somewhere.There is this brightness in the day that doesn't cast a shadow and the air although cold, is no longer bitter.

It's hard to think that people have stopped reading or stopped caring because they feel I have abandoned a style of writing or truth.It is also tough, to think that maybe everything you have built, no longer exists because you have a little bit of light in your life.But i think now s the perfect time to admit that, although things have been blossoming, I am still me.

There are times where i reflect on who I used to be, what I have been through and who I am today.I think about luck, fate, destiny and everything that has impacted or may impact my entire being.Life is curious and impossible to understand, and adjusting to a society and lifestyle where one thing is new on monday and old on sunday, is undeinably the hardest thing to conquor.

Trying to understand love, limits, succes, wealth and everything that flits in and out of your life, will always have you questioning yourself and your thoughts.What I feel today, I may not necessarily understand tomorrow, and this is what i am trying to get at.

I was somebody who was struggling. I didn't understand what made me, built me or what I wanted from my existence 12 months ago.I was miserable let down by a lot of people, I had strayed off a path that i needed to get back on and I was living a life that, although was entertaining and provided great content for a blog, was dark all the time. I didn't have the pleasure of shutting it off once my computer was down, the feelings I wrote down didn't dissolve when closed my browser.

I hurt all the time, I suffered all the time, what i wrote was damaging for me everyday.Which is kind of why Unorthodox Youth was born. I wanted a new beginning. I wanted to believe and aim to achieve a lifestyle that was better than what I had.I didn't want my only foundation to write, based on heart break, suicide, eating disorders, or other brutal and dispairing thoughts.

No I wanted a life that my future husband and children would admire, I wanted my family to know that I am now living a full and happy life. That yes, although there are times of darkness, I can find the light.I have found and accomplished a lifestyle where happiness is achievable. My lifestyle may not be poetic, but it's something that I have worked hard for.

Unorthodox Youth represents all that I have been through and created and is the backbone t everything I am today.It represents all the failures, sweat, tears and late nights.

It represents the growth of me, of all of us eventually.I hope you understand now...