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INFJs don’t form a lot of close friendships in their
lifetime… we are very selective. This isn’t about conceit, but really about
knowing ourselves. We only have so much emotional energy we can give to another
without great harm to our soul, so we make sure we give it to those we truly
connect with, those we deem “worth it.” What I mean by “worth it” is those who
come close to understanding us. Those who push us beyond our preconceived
notions. Those who challenge us and make us think. Those who aren’t afraid of
not understanding us, but are willing to go along with us for the ride. Those
who try, need to know they will never fully plumb the depth of our
complications (we don’t understand our own complications, so we certainly don’t
expect others to understand them either.) Those to whom we give our emotional
energy have penetrated our surface, which we keep pretty impenetrable. Because
we want those who’ve worked for it, because honestly?We would do the same for them. The thing
about …

mar·gin·al·ize: treat (a person,
group, or concept) as insignificant or peripheral.
Most of my life I’ve felt like a social pariah. In high school, I was never pretty enough or
athletic enough to be accepted. (I wish I’d known then the importance of music
and that it would one day become a career for me, so that I would have felt
less horrible about it. None of the popular kids in school use their athletic ability
or good looks in their career, which makes me sound petty and small, but let’s face
it, all us social pariahs think this way. … if we’re being honest.)
And I really thought the social pariah status would go away
at some point in my life. But then this happened. And two big emotions caught me as a result:
in the moment, complete relief. As my post says, I actually felt a weight lift
from my shoulders when I was told that there was a reason no one understood me
and it wasn’t my entire fault. In the years since, though, I’ve also settled
into a rather unsettling emotion: inse…

One thing that INFJs tend to do is
read a lot about their personality type. Because we are rare, that also means
we are difficult to figure out. So reading to try and understand ourselves simply
goes with the territory. Today I was
reading about the “INFJ Door Slam”. Here is part of what I read:

There’s this thing called the “INFJ Door Slam.”
People talk about it. Other personality types trash it, but few
people try to explain it in simple terms. It’s different for everyone, no
doubt, but in simple terms…The INFJ door slam is what happens when we are burned out
by unresolved emotions, so we resolve the issue by deciding that the
relationship is over.INFJs are deeply emotional creatures. We don’t feel
as much as it looks like we do (that’s mirroring, which is a whole other
topic), but when we feel…we feel deeply and fully. That means that we
burn out. If we are emotionally toyed with, abused, or overloaded, and
there is no end to the emotional assault in sight, we have to do some…