Katie Price aka Jordan is a respected member of society. But wait, there’s more: Her son is blind, autistic, and has trouble walking. All things most likely caused by her consumption of alcohol, cocaine and whatever else while pregnant. Britain, where role models are actually models.

I discovered something horrifying a little while back. My darling girlfriend/life partner/symbiote, as nice as she is, had not seen any of the six Star Wars films, ever. Had I been eating at the time of this revelation, I would most likely have choked on my food and died.