Worst Nightmare #281: Mother-in-law swipes her finger over the top of your refrigerator, finds thick film of dust, and proceeds to screech.

That was always one of my wife’s worst nightmares, anyway.

So week after week, she’d work 10 hour days, and then come home to mop the floors, clean the bathroom, and tackle that refrigerator before wearily crawling into bed. Not just for the sake of the in-laws, of course. But for her own pride and sanity.

She firmly believes that, since she lives there, it’s her responsibility to keep our home in mint condition.

It’s only the right thing to do. What if we had guests over? What would they think of us?

Oh, the shame of a marble countertop that hasn’t been polished in a week!

On the contrary, I just can’t be bothered. I also work 10-hour days. And, honestly, I’m pretty useless with house chores. I love Dyson vacuum cleaners – as long as I don’t have to push one around too often. I thank God every day for whoever invented disposable plates. And the light dust on the water tank attached to the toilet bowl is welcome to stay for all I care. (How did the damn thing get there anyway?!)But, no. My wife won’t have it. Not in this house, she says. We’re not that kind of people. God, Allan! When did you get this way? Shame on you.

And that’s how our very first experience hiring a maid service began. (Someone cue ominous sound effect.)

In theory, it was a great idea. Until it became more questionable than helpful.

Honey, I hope they’re not bringing that mop into my house–who knows where they’ve just cleaned with that mop. And now they’re bringing it into my house?” That was concern number one—not that we’re too good for any one’s mop, but it didn’t make us feel good about where we were taking off our shoes.

So, we provided our own mop to the maids to use.

The maids did a decent job. A little slow but I chalk that up to incentives—at an hourly rate, it would be to their advantage to work slowly. I wouldn’t blame them, but as a customer, it wasn’t to my advantage, either.

The maids finish and leave. I pat myself on the back and settle in to watch re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond. (I know, right? Why Debra didn’t have a nervous breakdown in that show beats me).

Meanwhile, unknown to me, my wife is sniffing all over the areas just cleaned by the maids. You would think the Center for Disease Control agents just visited and she wants to make sure they didn’t leave anything fishy behind.

Then she finds it.

The inside of the kitchen sink where the stopper goes has been overlooked and not cleaned. Certainly there are bigger problems in this world, but at the same time…we were paying for a service, and we were hoping for everything to be cleaned. Especially the sink—who knows what’s lurking around in there after cooking up a big ol’ turkey.

We go through this cycle several times with different maid services. Always, we’d be a tad disappointed. Something, somewhere overlooked that maybe shouldn’t have been. The top of the refrigerator. The trash can (who cleans the trash can, you’d think). Light switches. Fan blades.

Faucet necks. You name it. She’s like a clean hound! She can smell a clean (and an unclean) surface from a mile off. Which is why she always preferred to do it herself.

But we didn’t want her to have to anymore.

From these frustrations Clean Avenue was born–because we know, first hand, what it’s like to need a job well done.

Funny the ways companies begin, isn’t it? Who would’ve thought our newest venture would be the result of a little refrigerator dust?

But at least now when the in-laws are over, my wife can relax and enjoy it—instead of racing around, making sure everything is up to par. And isn’t that what quality of life is all about?

Having the free time to actually enjoy it?

We think so.

And now at Clean Avenue, we’re here to help you find a little free time, too.

You deserve it.

Our Credo.

If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”~ Martin Luther King Jr.

We strive to live this basic believe every time we show up at your home.

Your Trustees

Adolfo

Also Known As: Drumsticks (not the chicken variety!)

The wizard behind the company’s marketing efforts, Adolfo earned his Indian name with his prowess with drums. Which speaks to his creativity. He’s as comfortable brainstorming new ways to delight cleanavenue members as he is behind Conga & Bongo drums. Adolfo’s favorite cleaning tool is the squeegee.

Allan

Also Known As : Trick Question

When Allan walks into a bathroom, sweeps it with his eyes and asks, “Have you cleaned this tub?,” you know it’s time to call Morgan & Morgan. Because whatever you say . . . . . . Some people swear he has x-ray vision . . . for looking beneath apparently-clean surfaces. His mantra of choice is: if it’s not clean, you haven’t cleaned it. He helps clean avenue find new ways to make people squeal with joy. His favorite cleaning tool is the scrub brush.

Esther

Also Known As : The Chef

A passionate cook, Esther is the ‘ingredient’ person behind the company’s cleaning supplies.

She keeps everyone in line by ensuring that only the safest (both to members & colleagues) cleaning products are used in our operations. Her favorite cleaning tool is the tooth brush.

Fidel

Also Known As : The clean whisperer

The inspiration behind clean avenue, Fidel is simply a clean freak. She can close her eyes, sniff the air like a hound and tell you a home is not clean. Just after you gave yourself a pat on the back for a great job. Some trustees have blamed the Joyce Meyer podcasts she listens to while she works for that ‘annoying’ habit. Her favorite cleaning tools are microfiber towels.

Latonya

Also Known As : The Dust Bunny

When Latonya walks into a home, all the dust in the home go into panic mode. Rumor has it the King of Dustland has placed a handsome bounty on Latonya’s head for her capture. Last time we saw her, she didn’t look bothered at all by this news! Her favorite cleaning tools are dusters.

Maria

Also Known As : Dances with vacuum cleaner

Happy Feet meets Dyson! If you think you can dance, you haven’t seen Maria’s rumba and tumbao moves while operating a vacuum cleaner. Legend has it that vacuum cleaners look forward to working with her. Her favorite cleaning tool, of course, is . . . . Yep, you guessed it.

Max

Also Known As : Asks a million questions

Folklore has it Max was a trial lawyer in his previous life. Just when you think you’ve settled an issue, he rattles off a string of questions that usually have people giving him ‘the look’. “So, how long did you steam the microwave before you wipe it down?” “Did the vinegar & water solution boil in the microwave before you wiped it down?”

And on and on! If giving him ‘the look’ is working, he hasn’t shown it yet. Max’s mantra is: trust but verify. He keeps clean avenue on the cutting edge of wow-worthy service delivery. His favorite cleaning tool is the Sh-mop.

Sandeep

Also Known As : Plays with tiger’s whiskers

Tigers can’t figure Sandeep out. To a full-grown tiger, Sandeep is a little less than half a serving of fried Calamari — not even up to a full appetizer. Yet, he whacks tigers on top of the head and collects their whiskers as trophies. Sandeep runs joint sales operations. He firmly believes whoever cleans Florida Governor’s residence does a shoddy job of it. His favorite cleaning tool is the whisk brush.