December 23, 2009

[Editor's Note: A few days ago, I revealed some of my secrets for picking up women at holiday parties. If you’re planning on meeting women this holiday season, you definitely don’t want to miss it. Right after I published this article I was talking to Jeremy Soul, the world’s #2 ranked pickup artist for 2009. He’d just finished mailing out a “Top 10” list to his long-term individualized training clients that was based on my article and some insights of his own. So as a special bonus, we’re including it here.]

1. Get involved as much as possible

The more you’re an integral part of the event, the more you’ll get a chance to meet and be seen talking to a lot of people. This elevates your social status at the party and makes you someone women want to meet.

2. Don’t stare

Most single guys are on the prowl and checking out the possible “options” as soon as they walk in. Don’t be most guys – that’s a surefire way to ruin your chances.

3. Don’t get drunk

Most men feel the need to have a few drinks before they start talking to women – especially ones they find really attractive. One or two drinks aren’t too bad, but once that snowballs into being drunk by the end of the night, it’s a real turn-off for women.

4. Introduce yourself to everyone early on

Do this at the very beginning. Later in the night, you can just re-initiate with someone instead of breaking into an entirely new conversation. It’s also easy to do, because at parties you have an automatic excuse to talk to people. All you need to say is, “Hi, I’m Jeremy,” shake their hand and ask them what they’re up to over the holidays.

5. Introduce groups of friends to each other

Being seen as a social connector (even if you’re just introducing people who you yourself just met that night) and the kind of man who knows everyone is a very good thing. It will build huge amounts of attraction with the women there. Use your friends as well. If your friends are talking to her friends, that lets you get away with her to have a more private conversation.

6. Re-initiate contact with the women you like

Keep being the social guy, talking to lots of different people, but at some point re-engage the woman you find the most attractive. At this point, you’ve already talked with her, it’s natural to re-initiate conversation by asking her something simple like, “how are you enjoying the party?”

7. Connect with her emotionally

Get more personal with her, find out who she is and what makes her tick, and let her know more about yourself. The key to attraction with women is showing yourself to be an interesting person (by talking about things that are important to you and you are passionate about) and to be interested in who she is as a person.

8. Take her somewhere more private

A woman might become attracted to you when she has a good conversation with you, but she’s unlikely to act on that by kissing you or otherwise blatantly flirting with you in front of her friends and family. So come up with an excuse to move her somewhere away from other people. It can as simple as, “Let’s go get out to the balcony for a minute” or “Hey, want to grab a drink at the bar?” Anything that gets you some more alone time with her.

9. Suggest staying in touch

You may want to spend more time with the woman you’ve been talking to immediately, maybe even try to take her home that night. However, this won’t always be possible depending on who she came with, whether she has to get up early the next morning, which friends she is there with etc. There’s also the chance that for whatever reason, you’ll lose her at some point in the crowd. So it’s a good idea after talking with her for a while to suggest exchanging contact details and staying in touch. That way, if she does disappear at some point, at least you have a phone number to follow up on.

10. Manage logistics

If you are going for the full pull that evening, you need to focus on getting her away from people that might judge her for going home with you. Discretion is paramount. Don’t make any obvious moves on her physically when anyone else is around. Either find a secluded room somewhere, or ask her if she wants to come back to your place. If you go for the latter, make sure you both have a discreet way of getting away from the party without people knowing that you’re going home together, e.g. offering to give her a lift home.