But lying can be so much fun......

I've only lied to my parents once in my whole life, the lie; "No. I didn't drink seven Mike's Hard Lemonades and throw them (in complete disorientation) into a neighbors backyard when I thought I was throwing them in the ditch...." Obviously, I got caught. I got caught, and my dad CRIED.

He didn't cry because I was experimenting in underage wine cooler tastings, but because I had lied to him.....I had kept something so trivial, so silly hidden from him....afraid of what his reaction would be.

My daddy is a big man, a strong, tall, ex-football player, track star, bad ass.....teddy bear, kind of a man...but he couldn't handle the idea that I would be dishonest with him, for any reason- had they given me some inclination that they wouldn't accept me in ALL of my adolescent mishaps and "flaws"....?? That was heartbreaking to them. Their philosophy was;

You only lie if you aren't give then option of telling the truth.

You lie when you feel like you'll be judged, or someones idea of you will change. You lie to yourself, when you resisting acceptance from the truth, or the consequences of the reality.

....you lie when you're afraid of losing someone, or you're afraid of losing SOMETHING within yourself that is fed by the lie. Whether it's because it's easier to keep going "as is" because truth can be painful and denial is so much easier, or accepting the reality could mean certain circles around you change....and sometimes, nothing can be scarier that that.

From that moment forward, sitting on my parents couch at 14, with the taste of bad liquor still in my mouth, I decided I would never, ever lie to my family again.... there was nothing that could "shock" them. Not only did that our relationship get stronger, but it made me HONEST with myself too. The best person to keep me in check, was me....if I was being honest with myself.

My family has endured years of painfully honest confessions of insecurities, brutal self-loathing from time to time and telling my Dad in Jamba Juice at seventeen, that no, I was not a virgin. And in every moment even the ones that were "unfavorable", with open arms, my truths- were OKAY...and guided, lovingly, never held against me, never condemned.

Whether it's our friends, ourSELVES, or our families, we have to understand that one person's truth isn't necessarily going to work for US and that's OKAY. One person's religion isn't going to fit for another person, sexual orientation, spouse, fling, career path....whatever it may be, that they choose, OR YOU CHOOSE, is OKAY......Accept them, lovingly, warmly......

I'm doing my first giveaway..... leave a comment; CONFESS one lie you've told.....and one TRUTH you need to accept. The winner will be chosen at random from a drawing and win; this lovely necklace, a stick of Dove Deodorant (thanks to Dove), and a MIX CD from ME with songs about TRUTH. (5 runner-ups will receive Dove Visibly Smooth ;

[In the spirit of truths and lies, here's some full disclosure for you: This post is connected to the Athenos Two Truths and a Lie Party in Denver, where they're giving away lots of cool stuff, including a free trip to South Beach! I'm going, so if you're local, you love hummus, wine and trivia fun, come join us! Just RSVP here.]

107 comments:

The truth that I have to accept is that his girl is going to become part of my family... so instead of being scared for him, I should be scared for them. They are going into it together- they are going to love, live, and struggle through the hard stuff together.

One lie..told actually last friday - Yes i'm at home & that is the tv you hear in the background. (when i was actually at a friends house having drinks cause the stress of life was just to much to take) & telling the truth would have pissed off the hubs cause well, i wasn't home.

The truth....this marriage just might not work, cause we are too different & i feel like i have to change or say goodbye to who i was just to keep it.

In high school I told my parents I was going to stay over a friend's house (on a school night) because she needed a LOT of chemistry help and we would probably be up really late. In actuality, we had a sleepover because her parents left for work early in the morning and we could wake up, call school pretending to be our parents and report that we were going to be absent, and skip school for the day.

One truth...I need to accept the fact that my last semester of grad school is not for wasting away the hours where I don't have class and that I should start applying for jobs at the speed of light so that i can pay back these student loans when I graduate.

I SO love that your family allowed you "those" confessions and didn't cry because of them.

What you're asking is a little difficult to do, you know Chels. Okay, here goes- i lied/didn't tell anyone (including my family) the whole story behind me being suicidal a year back.

The whole story being- my best friend of 19 years was being a complete f***ing b**** who didn't bother to consider my emotions even once while she posed as a few long lost school friends on orkut, spoke to me as ten different friends of hers on the phone AND (this is the part no one knows) kept calling and talking to me as my other best friend who had DIED in a motorbike accident earlier. I actually WAITED for those calls to come. I was living like a dead woman. I would walk through traffic just hoping to die. Sad muck, all of it. She saw me do all of this and probably SADISTICALLY smiled to herself.

HOW could i have been so naive? I don't know. I was broken. I couldn't possibly tell ANYONE i went through that- they'd consider me lunatic- whatever.

My most regretted lie was for a friend who was going to be kicked out of school for breaking the rules. I lied and told them she hadn't when I knew she had. They kicked her out anyway and I'm sure they knew I was lying to protect her.

The truth I need to accept is that my parents screwed up my family. I need to accept it and love them anyway, which is going to be very hard.

I told a lot of lies in high school. I'm not sure what fueled it, but I was on a real path of self destruction. I was a kleptomaniac, and always told my parents I was somewhere I wasn't so they'd think I was safe. I wasn't. I lost their trust completely and it took a really long time to get it back. Now, our relationship is better than ever and we're completely open and honest. It feels really good.

One truth I need to accept is that I will never be the people I admire. I need to realize that people out there are admiring me for who I am, and changing myself to try and become someone I'm not is quite ridiculous.

I lie every time I pretend I'm happy for my step-sister and the way her life turned out. She could've done better than dropping out of college and having babies. And with a three-week-old, she's turning him over to a babysitter this Saturday to throw a huge kegger at her house. I lie when I don't speak up about how irresponsible she's being.

One truth to accept? That my dad didn't want my brother and I in the divorce. He swears that's not true, my mom swears it is, and I want to believe my dad, but I just don't think I can.

...Wow, those are depressing. My life is way happier than those two things make it sound. Ha.

My ex was frauding the government. I was not aware of it. We had been living together for 2 years when he got caught. He had so much money in cash we had to fide it. It all happened too fast. I was young and not thinking clearly. We ended up putting some money in my parents addict for a few months. I had, and still have to lie to my parents about the fraud as it would break their hearts, they still talk to him even years later. They think he was a great guy.

One lie I have told is that I approve of my best friend's relationship. I guess that means I'm worried that she will pick him over me. One truth I need to accept is that I'm in a serious relationship and eventually I'm going to HAVE to upon up completely.

My freshman year of high school I fell deeply in love with a girl, I lied to 99% of the people around me that we weren't together, we were just close friends. My parents never know how deep my feelings were for her and so when she moved out of state and left me for another woman I had a nervous breakdown. They didn't know anything was wrong until they read my diary in the ICU after I'd attempted suicide. My lies and omissions almost killed me and deeply hurt my sister and parents. My sister still won't let me get close to her. This happened 10 years ago,

The truth I have to accept is that I am bipolar. I just received the diagnosis today and am terrified I will never feel normal again.

I'm great at lying. And I used to do it a lot. When I was a teenager, I thought nothing of lying to my parents, friends or teachers. Surprisingly enough, I'm no longer friends with these people... But that's the old me. When I moved, I changed for the better.

The lie I regret telling during this "new life" of mine, is "I love you". Saying that over and over again to a person I didn't ACTUALLY love dragged that relationship on and took it to a place neither of us wanted to be and wanted to get out of. Eventually he saw through me and left.

The truth I have to own up to is that my laziness has destroyed my higher education. I can still salvage it by doing an MBA but my bachelor's? Ruined.

Lie: I tell my friends I'm happier being single because they admire by independence. It's not about being happy about it. I just feel like one of us has to be the one that tells us we're going to find someone and for now we should be happy with ourselves.

Amazing post. My favorite lie was the time I had my friend call me out of school pretending to be my dad. This particular friend was 15 but had the voice of a 7 year old girl. My parents asked me what I did THAT for, and I told them I ditched school to hang out with my school friends and study. I REALLY ditched school to go play and record music with my much older bandmates and drink *gasp* BEERS. Fantastic.

The truth I most likely need to accept? It's unrelated to my funniest lie, but I'm bad at pretending to be fine when I'm actually super overwhelmed. Not good.

LOVED this post. As always. I love that your parents raised you that way. When I have children someday, I'd rather have them be completely honest with me too than lie out of a deep fear that I will disown them...

One lie? Instead of spending the Sunday after Thanksgiving at dinner with my family, I told them I was going to a friend's going-away party before she flew back to the East Coast. My mom was unhappy about my decision but she wanted to let me spend time with my friend. The truth? I drove nearly an hour away to pick up a "friend" (well, a boy) from the airport.

this is a wonderful giveaway! one lie i've told, that i remember the most was seeing this r rated movie {sneaking in} and telling my very strict mother i had seen some pg movie instead. ha. that was in middle school and i was so nervous she was going to find out! i've sinced then told many lies i just can't remember. haha!

I'm a terrible liar, especially when someone asks me if I like their outfit and I...don't. Hmm...last week my sister asked me if she looked like she had gained weight. She did, just a little. I said no. Did I REALLY have a choice?!

One truth I need to accept is that I may never be as skinny/successful/stylish, etc. as I want to be...and I need to be OK with that. I'm not sure how. NYC is so competitive--I think it has rubbed off on me...in a bad way. I never feel good enough. EVER.

I lied when I told my friend recently that I don't love an old flame anymore. I was so resolute in my lie, so stern and certain, because I absolutely had to believe that statement was true.

In reality? The next night, when he and I went out to dinner, just us, and sat for nearly five hours talking? Yeah, I came home and promptly wrote, "I fucking love this man," in my journal. That's the hard, cold truth.

The lie I told is that I am over my ex-boyfriend...in fact, I am not and still obsess over what he does AND what his new girlfriend is doing (she is in the Maxim Hometown Hotties competition right now - how is that for a kick in the teeth?)

The truth that I have to accept is that I am a woman in her thirties that is broke as a joke. Yes, I have lived beyond my means for my whole adulthood and am paying the price for my good taste and sense of adventure.

When I was a teenager, I got caught drinking and my dad forced me to write out a list of everything "bad" I'd ever done -- and if I didn't admit something and later got caught, I'd be grounded for life. Wellllll, sorry, Daddy, I definitely left a few things out and fudged a few small details. You don't need to know that High School Love's parents were never home when I was I was over...

A truth I need to accept is that I miss my family, my friends and my HOME and that's OK. It's not running away if I decide to move back.

One lie that I've told is liking something when I don't.The truth I have to accept is that it's okay to like what I like. It doesn't mean i'm cool because not everyone else likes it. I CAN like whatever I like and I DON"t need other people's approval. I can rock my nerd flag and rock it proud!

The truth is, the reason I'm not okay is because I miss my step-dad, who's been dead for one year and almost 6 months. But I feel like I'm the strong one holding things together so my mom's world doesn't fall even more apart.

Well, I could surely use that deodorant. And, ok, I am in love with the necklace.

A lie that I've told? I can't think of a solid out-and-out lie as of the past several years, which I guess means that I'm growing up. My biggest lie was probably in high school, when I told everyone that I was JUST FINE, THANK YOU when really I was a closeted anorexic. It was pretty bad. Good thing that's over!

I lie every time I tell anyone I'm doing better with the death of my dog nowadays.

In reality, after eight months and countless therapy sessions, I feel worse and miss her more. I lie because I don't want more people lecturing me that I should feel better by now and that such deep love for a dog isn't healthy, since she's not a person. The truth is, she was better than almost anyone I've ever met and if my dog treated me with more love than most people do, I'll be damned before I say it's wrong for me to love her back equally. So I'm doing better with it now.

i lied to a police officer that i was speeding bc my brother cooked me dinner and i had to make it to the toilet. it got me out of a ticket, but i still feel bad to this day about it he was so merciful!!

a truth is that i am pretty, smart and blessed abundantly. i need to start acting like it!

i used to lie to my ex-boyfriend all the time. one night i went to the movies with an old fling and then we went hot-tubbing afterwards, and i told my {at the time} boyfriend that i did those things with some girls from church! wow...that makes me sound so bad. lol. i don't feel bad anymore, by ex was a toolshed :)

the truth i've accepted is that it's better for me to follow my own heart and do what i think is best, rather than CONSTANTLY living for the approval of others. {weakness of mine}

Chelsea-darling, well this was one of my favorite posts ever-I just may have to steal the truth/lie blog idea. I have been thinking about this a lot today and love reading the comments.

I thought all day about my lie and I knew what it was, but I just cannot write it to everyone-I tried to think of another one on and off all day but I cannot think of anything that bothers me so much. Maybe I am lying to myself because I cannot type the words, I dunno? I do not mind telling someone one on one---but here in fear that it may get around---ok...

My lie is that the worst day of my life could have been a million times worse-so bad that I would not be here, but have only told very few people about it and they are scared from those words and what could have been so I keep it locked up inside of me and it kills me...

The truth I need to accept is that I may be lost and broken at times, but I have the worlds best GPS system in this lil head of mine and I have a ton of super glue!

i'm jealous of your relationship with your family. i wish i could have that luxury, as painful as it may be at times to really tell the truth.

i've lied about my drinking habits to my parents on countless times. us mormons aren't allowed to drink and this is a heartbreaking truth to them.

i finally admitted to my mother i was no longer a virgin. i thought she would have killed me on the spot but she actually was pretty ok with it. she continues to surprise me on a daily basis. (again with the mormons, no sex till marriage so that equals a big no no!)

Hmm...well I'm a habitual lier so it might be hard to come up with just one...haha just kidding. I think that one of the worst lies was when I told my parents we were having a girl's night at someone's house and it ended up being a raging party where we smoked weed for the first time....oh wait....that was with you :)

when i was in high school i told my mom that i'd lost an early print edition of Tom Sawyer that she absolutely cherished... i'd actually lent it to a boyfriend who she didn't know about. i haven't asked him, but i'm sure he still has it.

My boyfriend and I live in a home we rent together and my parents have no idea. knock on wood. I'm afraid that if they find out they will be heartbroken and super pissed and maybe not talk to me for a long time making family visits/holidays/events HORRIBLE. I come from a very conservative christian background. Ask your bf, I wonder if he ever had any incentive not to tell his family things. Sometimes to be able to keep a "good" relationship with your family you have to keep certain things VERY private. I know it sounds pathetic and my bf hates in but I know from experience that its just easier this way.

I confess, my sister found me reading a letter from a lovely man who gave me great advice (we were both surprised he bothered to write) I brushed it off and said "I don't want a penpal" I lied, I so did, he's awesome and now I feel bad.

A truth? Have two: I need to stop joking tough to hide my mush; I need to hide my mush sometimes too.

Wow, your parents are smart and wise. I love this post and your questions.

oh dear. i've told a similar lie to my parents in grade 12 (no i didn't have anything to drink... ok i had a few sips of someone's beer... ok i'm drunk on beer... ok it was vodka. i drank a whole mickey of vodka.) and i regret it, but i think moving away from the relationship with your parents is part of growing up. hopefully when it happens, your relationship and the love is strong enough that you can come back again.

Is this competition open to South Africans? Hmmm lets see. I told a guy I'd love to go to church with him even though I don't believe in God.

One truth that I need to accept: That if I really, really want to be a writer then I probably need to chase after that dream. It's not just going to happen. The material won't suddenly just appear. I need to actively work at it.

My lie: A lot of the committment I have to my religion is fueled by fear, not belief. I struggle with how to raise my kids in that.

My truth: I need to accept that people will have a bad opinion of me, no matter what I do, no matter what I don't do. I've got to stop concidering outside opinions and start making my choices based on what brings me joy.

really enjoying the openess of the comments in this post. it's good therapy for everyone right.lie: nothing big. never really needed to.need to accept: that i'm just getting older and need to enjoy life. that my great body isn't going to come back after kids, and that perhaps i'll never make the kind of success i thought i would. that i have to accept my regrets. and leave it at that.

I remember lying to my parents and my mom found out and made me feel bad because she said my dad knew and was disappointed in me - can that hurt any worse? I'd gone with a best friend at the time to say at her friends house and we snuck out... and somehow it got out by their parents adn not mine. Until best friends mom told mine. Ouch.

I need to come to grips that my sister might never get her head on staright for her two kids, and that kills me.

Truth.... the truth is I am really mad at Jesse James because someone did that to me once and I know it f-ing hurts. It's been many years now (rarely spoken about) but it never really goes away it's just in the past. *Happy Ends...I got the best husband now!amerskine at hotmail dot com

I tell my boyfriend (And myself) that I've forgiven him for cheating last summer and that I trust him. I don't. Sometimes I lay awake at night while he sleeps picturing him sleeping next to someone else. And I want to scream.

I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...