Sunday, November 25, 2012

Strange things can happen in the early morning, while waiting for the day’s caffeine to kick in.I guess it can happen at other times of day, too, like years ago when I needed to set-up service at my new apartment and called the local electric company, saying, “Hi, I’d like to request a turn-on, please.”Of course, the minute I realized what I'd said, I started laughing so hard I had to hang up the phone.

But that was my mouth, which is different from my ears, and the ears of others who’d had less than the necessary amount of coffee at LAX earlier in the week. As we stood in the tunnel about to board the plane, a number of us noticed that a man was bringing his dog on board in its pet carrier, and one man asked the question we all wanted to know about flying with your dog: how much was the airline charging for this perk? The pet owner cheerfully explained that - even though it was expensive - it was worth it to have Poochie with him. To bring your pet on board, the airline charged $95 per leg. I quickly did the math in my head --- that would be $380 for the dog to ride along! Passengers exchanged looks, and, of course, many of us began thinking that it would be cheaper to have a dog with three legs. One man even remarked that, perhaps you could tie back one of the legs and pay only $285. Finally, the dog owner realized what we were all thinking, and explained that it was a $95 charge for each “leg” of the flight.

And then there was the early morning in Greeley, CO., when Nancy and George and I sat around, not yet through our first cup of coffee.I was wearing some comfortable fur slippers that Nancy had loaned me, and stuck my leg up in the air, letting the rim of my pajama bottom fall back.“What kind of fur is this?” I wanted to know.Both of them looked at me in horror and informed me it was time to shave.Friends, that’s not the “fur” I meant!

Monday, November 12, 2012

I hate to be sexist, but… I keep having this experience with female clerks who have a presumption that women do not have mechanical aptitude.

I noticed it several years ago when I was having a lot of keys copied for the mobile home sales business.It is very hard to find a good key copier, because --- there is skill involved.Some people do it well.About 1/3 of the time you have to return to the hardware store to have it remade, because it doesn’t work.I use all three local hardware stores, and the problem is “across the board.”I even had one place explain to me that the time of the month makes a difference because the machine’s calibration slips little-by-little until it’s time for the regular tune-up.

At one hardware store, a cute young gal made some bad keys, so when I returned, I was pretty explicit that I wanted a Man to re-make them.She almost burst into tears and told me, “Any one of us can help you.”What she didn’t realize was that there is skill involved, and because she did not realize it took skill, it is unlikely that she would ever develop it.

Today, I was standing at the in-store coffee grinder at my favorite market, and noticedthat (after I’d cleared the chute and poured my beans in) the grinder was only letting a trickle of ground coffee out the spout.I tried the second choice of settings… same thing.By now, I had determined that something was wrong with the coffee grinder, and thought it would be helpful if I alerted store personnel.Well, the gal I flagged down was having none of it.The first thing she did was raise her voice and berate me, saying, “You’re not doing it right.”In a tone that was equally snotty, I informed her that I have been grinding coffee longer than she has been alive, so in all likelihood, I have some proficiency at it.I tried to explain to her that I had called her over because the machine was not functioning properly, and I thought she needed to know that.Because she still believed that I was an incompetent customer, she offered to grind it for me.

At that point, I stalked off, deciding to return to the kiosk after she went to another aisle.

But, in reporting this incident to the manager, I mentioned that I believe this is an age-related issue.I have noticed that a number of young people approach their work with the idea that they are all-knowing and fully experienced, and if a customer tries to explain or tell them anything, they immediately assume that the customer is an idiot.For instance, when I go to write a check, clerks aggressively inform me that, “I need to see your driver’s license.”Well, “D for duh.”They do not seem to realize that if the Buyer (me) is age 55+, I have been writing checks since the 1970s, and --- guess what --- I already know, from experience, that you need to see my license.(In fact, if you’ll just chill for 2 seconds, you will notice that I am taking it out of my purse as you speak.Oh, you thought I was reaching for my lipstick?Who’s the dummy, here?)Yes, there seems to be an inordinate amount of bossiness among today’s Customer Service personnel.They seem to believe that Customers need to be directed, and dictated to, because most of us would be too incompetent to make a purchase without their advice.

What is it with today’s “yoots”?They seem to think we’re all “stoopit.”

Sunday, November 11, 2012

There used to be a day when consumers’ business was appreciated.Not any more.Often when I am shopping, I feel that the clerks speak to me as if I am their employee (and my rejoinder to that, in my head, is, “You can give me orders when you put me on your payroll”).

It seems the most difficult part of shopping these days is not selecting the merchandise --- it’s actually getting through the check out line so you can take it home and enjoy it.

Yes, back-in-the-day, when people did math in their head, it didn’t take long to pay and receive your change.But now, we have debit cards and computers, which only work right on your first try about 75% of the time.Whether it is a loose scanner, buttons that you can’t depress without a sledge hammer, or something the clerk did that made it go back to the beginning and start over again --- who knows, do I look like a computer geek? --- checking out is a major ordeal.Once you scan your card, you get to play “20 Questions” with an inanimate object.Is this really the card you want to use?[Are you sure?] Do you want cash back? Do you want it all on one card?Are you using coupons today?Makes you want to just go back to paying cash for everything.

And then, you get to deal with the clerk, who has a skewed impression of what “helping” you is.Back-in-the-day, helping someone meant assisting them in getting their needs met.It did not mean second guessing their needs, then getting snappy if you guessed wrong... A case in point:

Me:I’d like that all in one double bag, please.

Clerk:Would you like me to put that in 2 bags for you?

Me:No, I already told you what I need.I need them all in one double bag,please.

Clerk (indignant): I’m just trying to help you.

Me:Why would you be helping me if I told you what I need, and you offer me something different?

Clerk huffs, then says in a snotty voice: Have a nice day.

Kind of makes you feel like the star of ‘Monty Python Meets Candid Camera.’

* * *

And, how about the concept of “waiting in line,” or as some say, “waiting on line.”The customer waits, and then it is the service provider’s turn (clerk/ cashier/ waitress) to “Wait” on the customer.That concept has been lost in transition.“Wait” would indicate that the clerk stands patiently as the consumer retrieves cash/ checkbook/ debit card from purse or wallet, to pay for the goods.But I’ve seen many clerks get impatient when the customer doesn’t hop-to-it.The clerk then: turns to a fellow clerk and talks about last night, begins texting, finds anything else to do other than “wait” on their customer.

Then, that same service person hands you a coupon you don’t want, your receipt, and your change (if you have any), all rolled up together.Never mind that your receipts go one place in your wallet and the cash goes in another, because there isn’t enough room in any one place to fit it all.Especially those receipts that are now 14” long when they print out.You can barely find the purchase information because the stupid thing is trying to (a) get you to take a survey, (b) give you a list of legal disclaimers re: your purchase, or (c) advertise more stuff you don't need and don't want to buy from them.

Oh, and how about the staff who --- after your small hands are filled with all the items I just listed --- then picks up your bag and holds it in the air as if you must “drop everything” and take it.I am now having to stop and explain to people, “I will take that as soon as my hands are no longer full; you can set it down, if you like.”I also notice that many people aren’t able to judge the length of my arms, or anticipate my reach, so they actually hold the sack out in a way that I can’t take it from them anyway!

Egads, what is the shopping world coming to?Makes me really appreciate my vegetable garden and the eggs I buy from my friend, Harry.

I believe that younger people are experiencing greater hearing loss than they should be.IMHO, it is because they work in noisy environments, without floor carpeting or drapes or those horrid-looking acoustic ceiling tiles to absorb some of the sound.Why worry about the health of employees, when making your establishment look “cool” may attract more customers?

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you already know about the Mind Reader incident.Well, here’s a new one.

I was sitting in a community college class where the strict teacher had just finished making her point about late arrivals to class.The door opened, and a confident young student walked in.The teacher, in her strident New York accent, announced, “You’re tardy.”

Thinking the teacher had just greeted her with, “How are you?”, the student replied, “Good, thanks, how are you?”

Readers, you all know how I feel compelled to rant about the current state of our abilities to communicate effectively – or not.

The other day I had to make a business call of a somewhat confidential nature. I dialed the phone number saved in my cell – the number from which the professional had called me the day before – and began my call by using the other professional’s name (Let’s just pretend his name is “Mike,” to keep this entirely confidential.You never know, he may decide to read my blog some day).

I began my conversation with, “Hi, Mike?” and went on to give my spiel.The person answering the phone discussed the business with me for almost 5 minutes, when I had to ask a sensitive question, intended only for “Mike’s” ears. Then, the man said, “Oh, I’m not Mike, I’m --- [someone else.]”

People, how is it that you are in a conversation with someone for 5 minutes before you realize that the phone call is not for you?

1 –When you answer the phone, and I ask if you are Mike, you ---

(a) pretend to be Mike, because his calls are more interesting than yours.

(b) say you are Mike because it’s going to yank my chain and there’s not much I can do about it.

(c) are not sure if you are Mike or someone else, so you take the call anyway.

2 – And, why would any professional use a client’s cell phone instead of their own? (a) To remain incognito?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

So, is there anyone besides me who is “over 29” that occasionally wonders if early-onset Alzheimer’s has set in?

If you are a writer, like me, you probably carry a tablet around with your ideas, lists, To Do's, etc.I try to organize my work and my thoughts in categories, and that is why --- about a month ago --- I took my shopping list to the store on an index card, checking off items as I found them.When ready to make my next trip, I reviewed my previous list to see what I’d missed and there is was:

B L U N G

BLUNG?WTH did that mean?I had a creeping, uneasy feeling.Somehow, I had written down a word that had no meaning.I stressed over this for days.Whined to my friends.Asked for prayer.But no one could help me figure out why “BLUNG” was on my shopping list.

The weeks passed, and I still couldn’t figure out what BLUNG meant to me.When I was ready to start a new list, I went through the house to see what I needed, and noticed I was short one toilet bowl cleaning tab, which I often refer to as “bluing.”So, that was it!My writing was so messy that the “N” was written on top of the “I.”

That brings me to another question.Has anyone else who is “over 29” become such a sloppy printer that you can’t read you own writing?I’m not trying to solicit confessions.I just hope I’m not the only one...