Jews
commemorate the anniversary of the death of loved ones by
lighting a small candles, called a yahrzeit candle, which
burns throughout the 24-hour day of the anniversary of
death. The flame of the candle is a potent symbol of the
flame of life that once burned brightly and illumined the
lives of loved ones who mourn the loss. The date of the
anniversary of the death of a loved one is determined by
the Hebrew calendar.

I am frequently
asked: On what other occasions during the year do we
light yahrzeit candles? Is there something we say to
accompany the lighting of yahrzeit candles? For whom
precisely does one light a yahrzeit candle? Is lighting a
candle halakhah (law) or minhag (custom)? On Yizkor, do
we light one candle for all our loved ones who have died,
or one candle for each relative?

First,
lighting a yahrzeit candle in memory of a loved one is a
lovely minhag (custom). While it is not required by
halakhah (Jewish law), it is so deeply ingrained in
Jewish life, it is difficult to imagine not doing so, and
doing so honors the memory of those no longer with us in
life. Traditionally, the relationships for whom we light
a candle are the same as those for whom we say Kaddish:
parents, spouse, siblings, and children. Some authorities
say one should only light a candle on yahrzeit -- the
anniversary of the death -- but most agree that we light
yahrzeit candles for Yizkor (the memorial service), as
well. Virtually all agree that lighting one candle for
all relatives is sufficient. Hence, there are four times
a year one lights a yahrzeit candle, in addition to the
yahrzeit date itself: Yom Kippur and the three pilgrimage
festivals (Pesach, Shavuot, and Sukkot). In the case of
the festivals, Yizkor is recited on the last day of the
festival, which means the eighth day of Pesach, the
second day of Shavuot, and Shemini Atzeret.

Since it is
forbidden kindle a flame on a chag (holy festival day) as
on Shabbat, the Yizkor candle should be lit from an
existing flame, such as the pilot light of a gas stove,
or an already lit candle (many people light another
yahrzeit candle prior to sundown on chag to use for this
purpose). When the yahrzeit falls on Shabbat, the
yahrzeit candle should be lit prior to lighting Shabbat
candles, since the lighting of Shabbat candles initiates
Shabbat and no flame may be lit after that until Shabbat
ends. If the yahrzeit falls on Sunday, the candle should
be lit Saturday night after Havdalah. (We follow the same
procedure for lighting Chanukah candles as well: On
Friday evening, we light the Chanukah candles before the
Shabbat candles, and on Saturday evening we make Havdalah
first and light the Chanukah candles
afterward.)

There are no
prescribed prayers to recite when one lights a yahrzeit
candle. However, I have prepared some prayers which you
might wish to use that are mailed to members prior to
yahrzeit (if the synagogue has a record of the date of
death of your loved one). In addition, I encourage you to
recite whatever prayer is in your heart; the prayers of
the heart are especially precious to God.

Yahrzeit
candles, which can be purchased in most supermarkets, are
designed to burn more than 24 hours so they will remain
burning throughout the yahrzeit. The flame of the candle
symbolizes the flame of the human soul which is never
extinguished and which continues to burn brightly in our
lives, especially when we honor the memory of our loved
ones.

In recent years,
I have seen electric yahrzeit candles, which are small
lamps which plug into the wall. I imagine that these
satisfy the needs of those who fear having an open flame
burning in the house for 24 hours. Since lighting a
yahrzeit candle is a minhag (custom) and not a matter of
halakhah (law) there is no reason to object to these,
though I have a sense that something is loss in
substituting an electric bulb for a genuine flame.