Trump, who is on vacation at Mar-a-Lago and has been for the last week, has had a lot of free time on his hands, and he has apparently spent it watching cable news, reading the NYTimes, and tweeting his frustrations. Here are six bugs up his ass today.

1. He’s terrified that Michael Cohen will flip, and this piece from Maggie Haberman and the NYTimes, in particular, isn’t helping matters, by reminding the world — and Cohen — that Trump has been shitty to his personal attorney for years, and why should Cohen show loyalty to Trump when he showed no loyalty to Cohen?

The New York Times and a third rate reporter named Maggie Haberman, known as a Crooked H flunkie who I don’t speak to and have nothing to do with, are going out of their way to destroy Michael Cohen and his relationship with me in the hope that he will “flip.” They use….

2. He’s also trying 1) to distance himself from Cohen (“he’s more than just my attorney, he’s a businessman for himself”), 2) sweet talk Cohen, 3) suggest that, if Cohen flips, anything he says will be made up, and 4)shit all over the non-existent “sources” (Sam Nunberg and Roger Stone, although he dare not refer to Stone for fear of what Stone might leak about him).

….non-existent “sources” and a drunk/drugged up loser who hates Michael, a fine person with a wonderful family. Michael is a businessman for his own account/lawyer who I have always liked & respected. Most people will flip if the Government lets them out of trouble, even if….

4. “Check this out Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, and Michael Flynn. Watch me pardon this guy I’ve never heard of! I can pardon you, too, if you play ball!”

Sylvester Stallone called me with the story of heavyweight boxing champion Jack Johnson. His trials and tribulations were great, his life complex and controversial. Others have looked at this over the years, most thought it would be done, but yes, I am considering a Full Pardon!

5. What he’s saying here is, I’m going to float the idea that James Comey’s memos were owned by the government; that by leaking them he broke the law; and that he’s going to fire Mueller because the Russian investigation is based on illegally leaked memos.

James Comey illegally leaked classified documents to the press in order to generate a Special Council? Therefore, the Special Council was established based on an illegal act? Really, does everybody know what that means?

James Comey’s Memos are Classified, I did not Declassify them. They belong to our Government! Therefore, he broke the law! Additionally, he totally made up many of the things he said I said, and he is already a proven liar and leaker. Where are Memos on Clinton, Lynch & others?

Point of fact: The memos were private; leaking them wasn’t illegal; the two memos with classified information were both classified after the fact and one had the sensitive information redacted and the other wasn’t “classified” it was “confidential.” Also, a Special Counsel was appointed not because Comey leaked emails after he was fired, but because he was fired.

6. By “he totally made up many of the things he said,” Donald Trump is trying to say that “nothing that makes me look bad in the memos is true, especially that part about me being obsessed with the Russian hookers.”

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.