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So some back story, I've been with the same guy for almost a year now and it's been okay. We don't fight much but we argue enough for it to be annoying. I love the guy, I really do but sometimes I wonder if he isn't the right one for me.

Anyways, I've been hanging with some friends. I met this guy who is my perfect idea of a man, personality and looks. He also has a boyfriend so I didn't really try to do anything with him, he stayed as a friend. This last weekend we all went out for drinks, me, him, his boyfriend, and my buddy.

Throughout the night, he would like, grab my hands in the club, or put his arm around me, buy me drinks, etc. Well we ended up all going back to their apartment to smoke/drink more/watch movies. Everyone goes to bed and it's like, 6am and we're left awake to watch whatever was on. During this time, we held hands and just sat together in the quiet dark, then when he was tired and heading to bed, he came back and kissed me on the lips backed away then came in for another. It was the most I've felt for anyone before and it was incredible.

Then I find out through other sources that he's HIV+, which at first freaked me out really bad but I did research into it and it really doesn't bother me anymore, it's not really so bad if they're on the right meds and using a condom makes it pretty safe.

He's stuck in my mind and I can't shake these feelings. My boyfriend is finally coming back into the area this week after being away for a few months for work and I don't know how to handle this situation.

tl;dr
Met an HIV+ guy who I'm falling pretty damn hard for and we both have boyfriends. Fuck me right?

There are always questions about whether someone is right for you. Also, it's very likely more than one person can be right for you, and it can vary in degrees about "how" right for you they are.

Assessing your relationship in this case will be important, and you need to do it objectively. Take the other guy entirely out of the picture and ask "Am I happy where I am?" If so, then stay. If not, talk about it with your boyfriend and if things can't change, then find someone else that makes you happier.

Remember infatuation

Among the poly community we call this "New Relationship Energy". Someone you're attracted to, and particularly who shows attraction back to you, triggers substantially different chemical responses early in a relationship with them than they do later. That makes it more intense, exciting, and fun in general, whereas a person you've been with a long time settles into something calmer and more stable.

Don't allow infatuation to blind you, or to impact your existing relationship. It's important to recognize it for what it is, then try to look past it to the fundamental stuff underneath it, and try not to ever make decisions on the basis of infatuation alone.

Unbind your relationship model

It's clear that at the moment you're monogamous with your boyfriend, at least in the sense that you're not supposed to be with other people.

Is it possible that a different relationship model works better for you? Does such a thing sound appealing? Would it be worth changing your existing relationship to save it, and can such a thing be reasonably done?

Regarding the intimacy

The fact that you've already been intimate with this guy bears some note. Does your boyfriend know that this is the case? Is it within the terms of your relationship to share such intimacy with someone outside your relationship?

At the very least, if this is something weighing on your mind more than a moment of indiscretion, you need to be honest with your boyfriend that it happened, how it's affecting you, and in turn how it's affecting your relationship with him. You've been together quite some time, so you owe him that.

Remember the other guy's boyfriend

You both have partners, and you've both had at least one moment of indiscretion that seem, based on your post, to be outside the terms of your relationship. That doesn't mean he's going to leave his boyfriend, nor does it mean even if he did that he'd be with you.

Further, there is no reason to believe that this sort of thing wouldn't happen again were you in a relationship with him, only with you two being each other's boyfriends and some other parties being the ones you fooled around with.

If you're not with him, get over him

This rule applies in almost any situation. If it's not reasonable for you to be together, stop falling for him. That means forcing yourself to look past those feelings at all times, and may even mean needing to distance yourself from him for some time. Focus all that attention on other things, possibly even your current relationship, until you can move past it and get back to a standard friendship model.

Op some good points made here the only thing I disagree with is unbinding your relationship model.

Before people shoot me down let me point out it is not that I am anti poly. My own relationship boundaries would be considered non traditional and I've discussed having open relationships in the past.

My worry with that section is that infatuation does strange things and can make you more susceptible to hidden agendas of your own psyche.

There exists the risk that you open yourself up to this idea because you want to go there guilt free but you don't stop to consider the other ramifications actions of such actions. It may not be a conscious awareness that it is happening but it is there.
I've seen this coin from just about every side. There is a very very good reason I insist in a full disclosure policy with my partner.

Flirting, even intimacy (to a certain, pre approved, degree) with others is permissible in many cases as long as we are honest open and communicate. Despite that even I have fallen foul of my own issues in grasping an idea because it gets what I want only to pay consequences later.

OP the most important thing you can do is communicate with your partner.

I have a friend who I share a bond with somewhat similar to which you describe. He is an old flame from my past that never happened just because we were in different places of our lives. I see this friend regularly but there is always flirtations and sometimes this pushes a line like it is for you.

When this happens I talk with my partner. We discuss the situation, he tells me any concerns, we solve them, reassure each other and move forward.

This friend of mine is one of my closest friends and my only real 'gay' friend (IRL). There's no sense in destroying a friendship just because there's some flirtation and feelings now and then. I know that, he knows that and my boyfriend knows that. The only reason this doesn't cause a huge schism is because the level of communication with my partner is kept so high.

OP I urge you to consider doing the same (it may even help you with the disagreements etc). I also recommend the book 'the five languages of love' it a truly insightful look at relationship dynamics and really helped me and my partner when we were first disagreeing so much like you and your partner.

Edit: Tweaked Paragraph structure (but not content) a little to aid in readability

I actually agree with what you've said, in general. Looking at an alternate relationship model isn't an immediate solution, nor something to be undertaken lightly, but may be an option to preserve an otherwise satisfying relationship.

It sounds like you have two separate issues here; Is your current boyfriend the one you want to be with, and what do you do about the other guy?

If there's doubt about your current boyfriend you need to address that first. What is it that makes you wonder if he's not the one? Are they issues that can be worked on or even talked through with a therapist? Does he feel the same way? Doubt can fester and ruin even the best relationship.

As for the other guy.. I hate to say it but it doesn't sound like a good situation to put yourself in. He has a boyfriend, and he still kissed you? The HIV+ completely aside because yes you can have a relationship with someone who is positive, would he treat you the same way if you both started dating.

Just be careful in whatever you do. There's real potential here to do some damage to yourself and people you care about.

My current boyfriend is someone I could see myself with, making a future, and having a good life but we're very different, personality wise. I don't think these issues can be worked on, we've talked about it many times and it just turns into nothing. I don't think my boyfriend feels the same way as I do, he doesn't see our conflicting personalities as an issue.

The other guy's boyfriend has fucked around with other guys before, to the point where he was reconsidering their relationship. I don't know if he would treat me the same way, that's something I didn't think about but it definitely worries me now.

I'm trying to be careful about it, but I just can't get this guy out of my mind.

Also, even if you can see a future with someone does not mean that that person is for you. It sounds like you guys have terrible conflict resolution. You need to learn how to deal with conflict properly.

Also, you said he was away for a couple of months so really, you need to assess your current feelings as whether they are actually because the relationship is bad or because you haven't seen him in a while and something "better" came along.

As for the other guy. Just no. You don't know him well at all. You only know him within certain contexts. He's a fantasy. Not only that but you're going to hurt your friend and your current boyfriend if you pursue things. Also, like Frosticles said, he kissed you while you were both in a relationship. This is how he will treat you if things are not satisfactory in the relationship. Not saying it was all his fault though since you put yourself in that situation just as much as he did.

You need to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. This is the kind of stuff that eats away at people. It'll come out eventually really so it's better if it comes from you and not the other guy or the other guy's boyfriend. Plus, at least you guys can discuss your current relationship

I agree completely think of it this way he is HIV+ he has a boyfriend and fooling around with you. read into his past something doesn't add up. if your with someone stay with them, your boyfriend loves you! this guy just wants to get his shlong wet it seems. Be with the person your with now don't make a silly move because if he is kissing you and has a boyfriend what makes you think he won't do it again with someone if you start to date him?

What's the sense in being with your boyfriend if you're not happy with him and you're lusting after other guys? Don't just string him along like that and let him think that everything's okay between you guys.

If you're unhappy, either talk to your boyfriend about it or leave the guy.

I'm happy with my boyfriend, we just have a couple problems. We usually never let it bother us past the argument. I'm not lusting after other guys, it's just this one dude who was a friend who I happened to have some alone time with. I didn't expect to fall crazy hard for this guy.

No solid relationship can be built on the ashes of another. You can try but considering how he's acting with you while he's already in a relationship what makes you think he'd stop? Plus the HIV certainly adds complications, do you happen to know how he contracted it? If it was from sleeping around/being unfaithful that certainly doesn't help quell my second point.

Can't really comment on the HIV+ side, but speaking as someone that's been in a similar situation where you become close to someone you have a really intense mutual attraction to while you're both seeing another person, I would say that if you both want the connection badly enough to go for it. In my situation, I didn't go for it and due to circumstances it won't work out due to me having to move away afterwards and I do regret not taking the chance.

Your boyfriend was gone for a few months?!? And you met another man. During your separation from said boyfriend if you enjoyed being without him you need to break up. There is the possibility that you can explore your relationship with this new guy even further.

I would like to point out to everyone here that just because someone is gay and has HIV doesn't mean they are cheaters or sleep around. Perhaps he got it from his boyfriend, or his ex that had slept around, or like my best friend who got it from helping someone who had smashed their head.
Oh and he doesn't regret helping that person.
You guys need to think about more then one variable every now and then.

Oh OP do what you feel is right. Personally I would stick it out with my boyfriend I love. Hell if I ran off every time I was attracted to someone else I would be through atleast 30 guys in the past ten years. I prefer my man that I've had for 10 years.

Forget him.
Literally, put him out of your mind.
You've already let the situation get wildly out of your control, in what I assume was a misguided effort to gauge your attraction to this other guy, and his to you.

If you love your boyfriend, and you're happy with him, and can see yourself having a future and a great life with him, I really don't understand why you would want to put all of that in jeopardy, just because you met a pretty new guy.

The only question you should be asking yourself now is, "if my boyfriend means that much to me, do I really want to throw away our year-long relationship, and possibly a great future together, for some guy I just met and know almost nothing about?"

You're always going to find other people who are attractive/attracted to you, that's just a fact of life.
Maybe jumping from one guy to another every year or so is something that appeals to you, I don't know, I don't know you.
But if you really care about your boyfriend, and honestly want to work things out with him, you'll find a way to do it, and you already knew that.
If, however, all of this is just your looking for a reason to break it off with him, that's pretty shitty, and you need to just be honest with him, and you already knew that, too.