31 January 2017

At the moment I've been noticing a particular pattern/behavior of mine flare up in a way - where I'm participating in it more and more. In the past it would then trigger judgments, and frustration because what the heck - I'm allowing this behavior when I'm in fact supposed to be changing it.

Though I've seen this before.. where you are in a way working with a particular point to change, then it all of a sudden seems like you no longer have control over it, and the behavior/pattern has a mind of it's own... this has happened when I've been actually directly working on such a point with the use of Mind Constructs in the Desteni I Proccess.

Mind Constructs are a specific tool which allows one to dig deep into the roots of certain behaviors... sourcing the memories of our life where we have through time created and substantiate the behaviors/patterns that are now playing out in our life. I have been working on this particular behavior that I've noticed flare up for the past few weeks... so it actually doesn't surprise me it's coming up more as me living it out.

It's been actually cool because there are more dimensions of the behavior I've identified only in the past few weeks of living out the behavior, and so I get a better grasp on all that influence me in acting it out.

So just a note - don't be so quick to judge yourself if you see you are participating more in a behavior you are attempting to stop/change. Rather consider perhaps if you are working more directly with it, it's more at the surface of what you are facing.. it's more 'here', and in that you can actually gift yourself with seeing more of it - what thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories it consists of as that which you forgive to release yourself from the pattern.

So it's been cool actually for me to see a moment where I could have reacted to what's being accepted and allowed, but rather I realized I'm facing it more directly - working with it more specifically, and so getting to know it better, and myself better as the pattern/behavior. I have often judged myself for accepting and allowing things as a point of morality as 'that is bad' and "I should not allow this" but in that judgment, I dis-empower myself to change it because I'm separating myself from it. The patterns and behaviors I live out are me, and the reasons for why they exist, exist within me - so rather embrace what is HERE as ourselves, as our behavior/patterns to better understand, and thus FORGIVE to change. We cannot fight our minds expecting them to just go away or change. We have to be the ones directing it, and we direct it through forgiveness.. through understanding, through removing all judgments towards it to see the totality of it.

26 January 2017

The other day I again found myself at the grocery store. This time, as I was walking around - the point I have been writing about the last few days wasn't at all in my awareness. I didn't even think about it until I leaned in to grab something that a couple people were standing in front of, and as one of them turned toward me, she said "whoa, Jesus."

lol - I took this as perhaps meaning she was surprised, and didn't expect me there. And perhaps I could have given it a moment before I leaned in to grab my item. I didn't think about it until after that moment, and considered - did I move too fast? Could I have given them a moment?

I can see simply by the fact that I was unaware of the point I have been making for myself recently - in terms of becoming more aware of my movements and walking speed, to be more deliberate and specific when I'm out in public with how I'm moving, I could have given it a moment. I rushed in there to get my item, not allowing myself to be patient, and not create a situation where I was in someone else's space, and they were startled by me. Not that that is such a severe consequence, I simply see it as something for me to consider, and to push to become more aware about when I'm out and about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring this awareness of a point I would like to work on and with in my process of change, outside into my physical reality - when I'm interacting with others, and instead allow it to remain as a blog that I write about... not actually real-time change

When and as I see myself leaving the house to go out somewhere, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that here is where I must establish myself as self-awareness as walking the commitments I've made to direct myself when in public to be more directive, and deliberate with my physical movements and speed. And so I commit myself to continue to focus on this point of physical awareness within me throughout my day - especially when I leave the house - to practice my awareness and specificity in my physical movements and interactions with others.

24 January 2017

Here I'm continuing with the point from yesterday's blog - in not considering others, or things in my environment when I'm moving/walking too fast, and so often bumping into people, or things and so making a point to become humble when walking. And so the self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speed while walking, and to within this - not slow down enough to consider others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push through crowds of people, and to take the lead when walking fast, not caring about who I bump into, or who I cut off

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to slow down and consider others - taking a step back, and allowing others to go first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so automated in my walking fast that I do not even notice others around me that might perhaps actually need to move before me, but instead I just take the lead to go first, not seeing or considering others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm justified in my lack of awareness and consideration of others when I'm walking fast, and I past them, making sure I get to go first, and simply just saying 'sorry, excuse me' as if it makes it alright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately challenge myself to do that which is not automatic, which is to walk slowly, and to let others go before me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be like a bull in a china shop while I work, and walking in big crowds, wherein I don't pay attention to my movements, as they are so fast, and I'm just plowing through to get to the next action, the next destination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not treat others and even things in my environment as I would like to be treated - and that is with care and consideration - making sure each movement is deliberate and specific to ensure I do not inflict any harm or consequences on others or things

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to humble myself and let others go first when I walk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish in my movements and my walking wherein I don't consider others and instead only consider myself/my destination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speed within my walking even if I don't have to - when I have enough time to take my time and slow down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just define myself as a fast walker and anyone in my way better get out of my way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on seeing/being here within/as my environment, and others, when walking fast and not taking my time to slow down and walk within awareness

When and as I see myself walking fast in public when it is not necessary, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this often creates consequences wherein I often don't consider others in my reality, and always take the first step, or lead, as a point of considering only myself and so I commit myself to slow down and practice stepping back and allowing others to go first when in public, as a point of deliberately supporting myself to change the automation of my fastness

When and as I see myself wanting to take the lead or go first when walking in public, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this habit has become automated, and does not allow me to consider others and so I commit myself to become humble and allow others to go first to give as I would like to receive - considering others as myself

When and as I see myself like a bull in a china shop when at work, or in public due to me moving too fast, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this creates the consequence of me not caring enough about my environment or others within it slow down and ensure my movements are deliberate and specific to nurture and not bombard that which is around me and so I commit myself to slow down and become aware of every movement I make as deliberately deciding on how I move, and at which speed is most supportive for myself and others

I commit myself to stop rushing through my day

I commit myself to stop rushing by others

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing I must rush/walk fast

I commit myself to practicing and developing this awareness within my walking/movement as to create myself within a constant point of self-directive as my movements - ensure each movement is specific and deliberate within the consideration of what is best for all

23 January 2017

The other day I was walking in the grocery store picking up just a few things. I was on my way to work after, but with plenty of time to pick up the few things I needed. There was no rush. However, the way I was walking you would think it was 80 degrees outside and I had a dog in the car. At one point, I went down an isle with a woman who had a cart with her, and was coming toward me, and I going toward her, and there in the middle of us were two workers stocking the shelf. The isle became narrow, and I just plowed my way through - apologizing and excusing myself while I sped past her.

In that moment I realized whoa - here you go... you are walking WAY too fast. You have plenty of time, and look how you just forced yourself through people without stopping. I stopped in my tracks in that moment. I took a breath, and I saw here was the perfect moment to slow down and consider my speed.

I walked slowly to the cash register... reflecting how part of the pattern of my speedy walking is where I don't consider others. I often 'take the lead' where I will go first if ever at a point where me and another person are going in the same direction, or if one must move out of the way to allow the other to get by. That will be me. I actually have been becoming more aware of this in the past year at work, and now here I see how nicely it's tied in with this need for speed. The need for speed in my case equals lacking consideration of others.

How much do we miss when we are zooming through life? How much do we cut off others? How much do we not offer them to go first, to take the lead, to slow down within ourselves, become humble perhaps, and allow others to move first. Why do we need to go first? Why do we feel right to go first? How would we like others to be with us? Moving so fast they cut us off because perhaps they didn't even notice us? Or slow enough to be aware of their surroundings, and so considerate of others?

This also reminds me of something even my co-workers have noticed about me... being like a bull in a china shop. Now while I realize moving fast is necessary at work, doesn't mean I have to be sloppy, or messy, or all over the place. Fastness or speediness can be directive... not whaling about knocking things and people over that are in my path.

So another dimension that goes along with this considerations of others in my slowing down... consideration of my surroundings. Respecting people and things in my environments, directing myself to become patience, slow, and considerate.

22 January 2017

Following up from yesterday's blog, I was talking about this point of walking, and how I've come to walk quite fast in my life. I can see this has been developed through the type of work I do, yet it had spilled over into my every day life, when I'm simply out and about walking around - I am speeding.

So I can see that walking fast has a purpose in a specific context, but I am interested in seeing who I am as slowing down within my walking. As I mentioned, I will share my findings and experiences as I apply it, for now though, self-forgiveness on the lack of questioning and self-direction when walking:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a fast walk without awareness - without ever questioning it but simply allowing a habit to take over apparently without my directive decision

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down when walking when there is no purpose to walk fast, except to automatically live out habits from work

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ever question myself when I am speed walking throughout my day when out and about, but simply to accept it as 'who I am' or 'how I walk'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept such a stance in everything I do - not questioning myself as the origin of the patterns and physical behaviors I've come to create as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider slowing down when walking as a point of not getting to my destination, but to enjoy the journey

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perhaps miss moments of breath/being here when I walk fast through life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people when they are slow walking as 'in the way' and 'ignorant' to people around them - when I'm in fact the one ignorant to people and things as my environment around me when I am rushing through walking and thus in the way of my own awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet utilize the full potential of my psychical body such as the ability it has to reveal to me programmed mind patterns that are unlocked and unleashed when/as I apply a change in my physical body/movement/behavior that is a stray of it's automation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how my physical body doesn't move just because... there is a source, a reason, an origin point in my life wherein I developed quite specifically how and why I move myself the way I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain unaware of each and every single physical movement I make within/as my physical body - not seeing the whole reality existent as to why I move the way I do

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down enough to start questioning and seeing the purpose of each physical movement as what it is revealing about me, about who I am as thought, word, and deed - to see what is exactly here as myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the reality that is here as my mind and how it influence my psychical body and how it is revealed in my the movements I make in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of breath

When and as I see myself walking fast outside of work, where walking fast is not necessary, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there are times when walking fast is necessary, though not in all moments and so I commit myself to start slowing down the speed of my walk as a point of awareness, of directive principle to see what exists within the automation of walking fast as the process of getting to know myself better

I commit myself to reveal to myself different mind patterns existent within my physical body through deliberately changing my physical behavior - the way I stand, the speed of my walk, how I sit, where I put my hands - testing and playing with various ways in which I can see who I am when I change my physical body from what I normally/automatically do

I commit myself to investigate the origins of my physical behavior as to why I do what I do, in those moments when it seems most naturally, or automatic, to start uncovering the layers of the mind in the physical

I commit myself to get to know the reality within me I have yet to allow myself to be aware of yet which is existent within the physical body - in how I move, hold myself, and stand

I commit myself to walk the process of correcting my physical behavior as daring to stand, walk, place myself in physical positions I'm not use to, or that I don't normally do as a point of seeing who I am in the change, of getting to know myself better, and to expand the potential here within/as my physical body - releasing myself form the constraints of the mind patterns that has formed and shaped and moved me as my body

21 January 2017

Today I was reading a group discussion in relation to stress. One of the points brought up was regarding the experience of rushing/fastness when one is stressed. That then brought up the point of the speed in which one walks.

I have for a long time been a fast walker. Generally I must slow down with certain people. Within me there is this 'I'm already steps ahead of you', and I have to literally hold myself back. I have often dubbed this up to being in the service industry most of my adult life and so simply through needing to move fast while at work, this spilled over into my every day life when I'm walking.

I have never really taken any time to look at this point though, so that is why I wanted to write a blog about it - to bring some awareness to myself as I walk, and to see if I can deliberately slow myself down. Within that, I can investigate the experience of slowing down - if there are any thoughts/reactions to slowing down. And in that, can forgive any points that do not support me to slow down, be here, and walk within awareness.

Already I can see that I like to walk with a purpose... or at least that is how I have come to see it. It's interesting though that this point would open up for me now, as I just started a book by one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, and in it (The Pilgrimage) he describes exercises he's taught on a walk - the Road to Santiago, wherein they practice for 20 min every day slowing down the speed of the walk by half so that the focus is not about getting to your destination, but to be here, aware, and engaging with what's around you.

So I will take this as an opportunity to slow myself down - physically - in my walk, and as my journey. I have come to see that physical behavior influence the thoughts I have, and so the experience of myself, just like the thoughts I have can influence the physical behavior. So whether we are changing our thoughts, or our body - both are an equal opportunity to become self-directive.

One example of this is where I was supported to change my physical posture - and within practicing that, standing up straighter, opening up my chest, I could see all sorts of reactions that I still am walking through today. And so changing the pace in which I walk, and establishing a self-directive within it, I'm sure will open up more flood gates as thought patterns ingrained in my physical body. It's amazing and actually a cool reference point I never really saw or considered before this moment... when changing our physical behavior, we can unleash and unlock physically ingrained patterns we've developed and participated in throughout times. How cool is that... simply change your physical stance in some moment and see what reveals itself. Your body, just like your mind, here to assist and support you in getting to know yourself as who you've created, accepted and allowed yourself to be.

I suggest anyone else wanting to see the gift that is the physical, and the trappings of the mind - take one physical behavior, like how you old your hands, or how you are postured, or how fast or slow you walk, and deliberately change it... see what the mind reveals to you about you!

20 January 2017

Today when my partner came home from work, he had a lot to say about his day. I was actually ready to do something else, and as he began talking, I became annoyed.

I felt stuck, and forced to listen to him. To me - this is like not being flexible in reality - as things come up, allow yourself to embrace it. Rather I was stuck in the want to continue with my day's schedule, not wanting to stop in that moment, and be here with him, but to rather keep moving.

So I was annoyed, but let him continue talking. I was not in a position to support, as he was talking about a decision he had to make with work, and the various dimensions he sees within each potential route, but I was just wanting to move on and continue on with what I was doing. So I was distracted, and not allowing myself to fully hear because I was not HERE - I was in my mind within an energeticexperience.

This is not fair - and not being open to 'what is here'. I was rather remaining rigid and stubborn in not allowing myself to see an opportunity to in that moment embrace my partner, embrace me as a point of support for him, and embrace our communication in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so rigid in wanting to keep to a schedule that I will not allow myself to stop for a moment if something else comes up in my reality - a momentary pause, or other direction to go into, even for just a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-decide in that moment of embracing a new moment with my partner telling me about his day, and rather want to keep moving within an already established decision of what I was going to do in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible in my day wherein if something comes up, I allow myself to move with it, rather than resisting it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner in that moment of wanting to not stop and listen to what he had to say, as 'forcing' me to sit there and listen instead of realizing I was enforcing within myself a point of not being flexible, and flowing with the moments as they arise - realizing you cannot always 'stick to the plan' - but rather go with the flow as things come up and require your attention

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace my partner as he comes to me to share with me himself, and his day and rather resist it as I was too concerned and focused on myself/what I was doing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down in those moments where I want to keep moving, but reality offers another direction to stop for moment and see what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to listen to partner in that moment as not wanting to support because I was already within my mind doing something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live rigid rather than flowing during my days when it comes to my schedule

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do that which I resist, which in this moment, I was resisting stopping and hearing my partner - being HERE with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give time or attention to that which approach me in my reality, and instead try to push it away due to me only considering ME and MY TIME and what I wanted to do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider my partner, as doing to him what I would have done unto myself, and perhaps that was listen to him in that moment... to embrace him and his words and his expression, and not allow my wants and needs get in the way of how I can support and engage with another

When and as I see myself resisting to listen to my partner due to wanting to be doing something else, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me existing within my mind as a future projection of some other project or action I could do, and not being HERE to HEAR what is directly in front of me as my actual reality and so I commit myself to pay more attention to what is here as the physical reality rather than my future projections of the mind as images of me doing something else

When and as I see myself becoming annoyed or blaming my partner for interrupting my schedule, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that he is not to blame, and is simply a point of support tin showing me perhaps to take a moment, slow down, ensure I am HERE with actual reality, and not running along within my mind as the tasks I think I must do and so I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in moments wherein reality shows another way/direction than the one I decided upon already within my mind - to allow myself to flow and move with reality rather than become rigid and stubborn in NEEDING to play out the ideas already from my mind

When and as I see myself not hearing my partner when he speaks to me, because i am not HERE but instead distracted by some energetic reaction in the mind, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that here I can apply the principle of do unto another as I would have done unto me and what I would like from my partner if I were in his shoes is someone to hear me, and listen and engage and not be distracted within the mind by some reaction. And so I commit myself to practice grounding myself in such moments to consider others in my reality, and to not only think of myself or what I want to be doing but to give others the opportunity to express and me to be here with them

19 January 2017

One of the dimensions I could see from the previous blog - in relation to not speaking more direct with others - is a fear of someone reacting negatively to me if I were to speak direct about what I see, and the programming in which most are enslaved as the idea that we must sugar coat things. That we cannot possibly say something that might cause someone to feel anything other than satisfied and right within who they are... that we must protect each other's ego. At least for me I can see this has been an acceptance within myself, my family, and my friends. We sugar coat things, say things to make someone feel better, we never push each other for self-honesty, and self-responsibility - even if that means we start to see the reality of ourselves and pop the bubble of delusion so many of us exist within wherein we are always right, the victim, and someone else is to blame.

I realize that it's more important to stand and express what is best for all (myself included), then to have someone like or accept me. Liking someone has no weight in the consideration of life in equality and oneness. It's not about liking - it's about what is best for all. It's about self-honesty, about self-responsibility, about who one is in relation to all of life and whether that one point stands in honoring life, or disregarding it.

To me - the fact that we sugar coat our communication to not hurt or upset someone is why gossip exists. We cannot say straight to someone's face what we are really thinking - whether it's a valid observation or not. We rather go behind their back and talk to someone else about it because that way - we are not challenged. We are not pushed to be self honest. We can hide out in our self-righteousness and the ego of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being more direct with people in what I see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone lashing out and turning their anger towards me, and blaming me for being direct in what I see through communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that we cannot be direct with each other, and must sugar coat what we say to each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume someone will just react if I speak to them direct in what I see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone not liking me because of speaking direct to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more and give more value to someone liking me than what is best for all... and what is best for all is to not sugar coat things that only validate each other's ego/idea of self and instead shatter the ego/idea of self that does not consider life in equality as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the focus of someone's hate and anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in how I communicate with others as a fear of that other's will reject me if I speak to them directly about what I see... bases on the idea that we must protect each other's feelings as if they are real instead of realizing that the raw, brutal self-honesty of each one is where each one must go to ultimately free themselves form the enslavement of ego in which self-interest is preserved, and what is best for all is denied

When and as I see myself fearing being direct about what I see, and hesitating to speak to others about it, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is based on an idea that someone could get upset and turn 'against me' and here I realize whether they do or not is not up to me, but who I am remains and the principle of what is best for all remains and so I commit myself to stop allowing fear to direct me, and others being upset with me direct me and instead I commit to direct me within what is best for all and that is not suppressing myself through fear or ideas of the mind and to rather speak what is here, express what is here, within the starting point of my own self-honesty

When and as I see myself fearing others not liking me because I may speak direct to them, and they wont like it, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a fear is based in the value of someone liking me more than what is best for all and I realize that that is not in fact accurate as a valid point within me - I commit myself to thus give more value and attention to that which is best for all - consideration of life in equality wherein we do not allow fear or gossip or frustrations to be projected outward onto others as blame, and instead stand self-responsible within who one is and as what one can contribute to the betterment of life - from the small to the great

When and as I see myself sugar coating my communication with others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this serves no one and actually is a disservice to humanity as currently humanity is trapped within the ego of self as consciousness wherein we want to be validated and accepted for who we think we are, never challenged or questioned, but simply accepted without investigating who we are and how we've come to be who we are. I commit myself to thus challenge myself, and others, to see who one is in the face of self-honesty - in asking ourselves why we do not consider life equally, why we would gossip and blame each other, why we would talk behind each others backs, why we do not do unto others as we would have done to ourselves, why we remain in problems instead of offering solutions. I commit myself to challenge and question consciousness as I see what it currently exists as does not serve what is best for all and so I also commit myself to be of service to life in equality and oneness in speaking direct about what I see, not suppressing or hiding but laying it out before all so that we can come face to face with who we've accepted and allowed ourselves to be and thus start changing it into one that considers life in equality and oneness as what is best for all

16 January 2017

Within me there is a point of frustration projected toward some people in my reality. They often complain about other's in our reality, in a way of reactions and without any real solution. They just complain to complain and validate their position of being right, and the others being wrong.

My frustration is when I see another way - that complaining is not in fact constructive, and does nothing to change anything. It only fuels our idea that we are justified in our experience. I have suggested to those that come to me complaining to take their words to those they are speaking about... to suggest to them another way, or show them how they can change the situation, and so not remain within the frustration experience. Though it is often laid upon deaf ears and here is where my frustration comes in.

They are not willing to hear solutions. They don't actually want to change anything. They just want to complain to anyone who will give them the space to regurgitate what's already come up in their minds as back chats. And I don't like being the one that allows such a space.

I don't think complaining is constructive, and I see other solutions.

Though... here's the kicker.

Often what happens is I'm in such a situation, and while I have made suggestions for them to speak directly to those they have a problem with... I have YET to do that myself. I do not say to them - hey, I notice you complain a lot about this and that... have you considered trying this? Or have you considered to that? I have in no way been direct about what I see as the problem, speaking directly to the source, and how I see it can be changed. What I have done however is gone home to my partner and tell him all about these people who just bitch and moan and do nothing to change it.

lol - you see how that's funny, right?

I am doing the EXACT same thing I am oh so frustrated with others about. Instead of being DIRECT with them, I go home and talk about it to someone who has nothing to do with it, nor can do anything about it. I mean c'mon - that's comical.

So I see here a point of reflection... a mirror of self in another. I need to BE the EXAMPLE of what I am wanting others to Be. I need to speak direct, show them the problem, THEN offer a solution, and show them HOW to change.

I want others to realize they cannot expect someone to do something different if they've never learned how, and so I should realize the same.... I cannot expect those that complain to all of a sudden change just because I have learned another way. I must show them another way. They too must learn.

Just like a baby doesn't come out walking and talking... it's a process of learning, and developing. And so in my desire for others to be more understanding with those that 'don't know', and to be an example for them, instead of perpetuating a dis-empowered position of complaining, I too must be more understanding with those that 'don't know', and see where and how I can empower myself to be more direct, more communicative, and more of an example of a solution.

This is a wonderful example for me to see how others are a reflection of self, and how self can learn more about where one is accepting and allowing limitations, and fears within themselves when they are self-honest and responsible for what they see in others.

So I will continue opening up within this point in blogs to come... looking closer at WHY I have not yet spoken directly to those that complain, and offered real solutions.

14 January 2017

The other day I had a dream about someone from my past. In the dream, I eagerly went to them to say hello, and see how they have been. I attempted to relate to them by telling them about myself... but what I got from them was nothing. No interest at all - and the way I 'picked up' on the situation it was as if she was not impressed by me.

Recently I decided to take more seriously my dreams and my relationships throughout life as a point of self-expansion in getting to know ME... and here is a great example of the very gift of dreams, and relationships.

Instead of seeing this girl as someone else within the dream, I instead stand as her. And what I was seeing within her was this point of not being impressed by me... disinterested, and almost like I was wasting her time. So now I have a look... have I done this to others before? Does this point exist within me?

I can in fact see it does... many times I've come to judge people oh so fast, and within me the experience is of not being impressed, of them being stupid, or ignorant, or simply just someone I saw myself as better than, and so not worth my time.

And so the following is the self-forgiveness in relation to this point... in bringing it back to ME, what I saw within another, in my dream..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others not liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think others don't like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like other people and so fear someone not liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people based on their words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people based on their actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define those I judge as not worth my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others I define as not worth my time as a waste of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think any time in life can be wasted, instead of realizing others don't waste my time... I allow my time to be wasted based upon who I am in such a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make snap assumptions about people and judge who they are based on my assumptions which is actually seen through the filter of my own mind and thus I am only seeing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better than others who I judge as bad people, or lazy, or ignorant or a waste of my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to think I know who people are based on my own minds judgments of them which are usually made as first impressions without actually getting to know them or know the life they have lived

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people first before I allow myself to understand people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people based on how they look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people based on what they wear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on what I wear

I forgive myself that i have not yet seen, realized, and understood that that which I judge of others, I judge of myself as well and thus if I were to stop all judgments towards myself, judgement towards others would not exist within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe some people are better than others and that is just the way it is in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think other people I judge are not impressive as if they must impress me to be in my good judgments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think others must impress me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be humble in realizing no one needs to impress anyone - all are equal in their value as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I must impress others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down at others I think are stupid or ignorant, in which I'm not impressed by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the teachings that you judge first, and understand only later - if ever

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider understanding people first, before I allow any kind of judgment as that is what I would like done unto me - understand me first before you judge me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that everyone I judge because they are not me and I have been designed with a mind that judges first, and makes me right always and thus the root of the problem within humanity - our self-interest, and self-righteousness that does not considering standing equal with others

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see I cannot understand that which I judge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people do not deserve my understanding instead of realizing if the tables were turned, I wold want others to understand me first before they judge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have a right to judge others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself excuses to justify judging others instead of realizing it is NEVER acceptable nor justified... "judge not lest ye be judged." And as I give, I receive. And this world is a product of our judgments and so I stop judgments here and give understanding a chance

When and as I see myself making snap judgments and assumptions about others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my first impressions are only seen through my own mind's filter and so it is actually me I am seeing and so I commit myself to take responsibility in those moments to actually SEE ME as that which I'm judging in others and so realize that if I'm judging others I am judging myself

I commit myself to stop judging myself

When and as I see myself judging others for the way they look, or how they dress, or how they speak or behave, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that we as humans are bred to judge and this world is made up of our accumulated judgments and so I commit myself to instead of perpetuating the old, create something new as rather standing in a point of understanding... understanding why people are the way they are, they they say what they do, why they believe what they believe, why they act the way they act... doing unto others as I would like them to do unto me... understand rather than judge

When and as I see myself wanting to impress others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such acceptance and allowance implies I must get others approval and acceptance, and within that... implying I will place the same standards on others as they must impress me and so I commit myself to end the game within me... not needing to impress anyone and not needing anyone to impress me and instead allow each life to express as it is, and within that understanding WHY and HOW each express the way they do. Understanding the life that's been lived, the environment in which it nurtured such people, and the other minds' that helped develop those that I meet and have judged

I commit myself to end all judgments of right/wrong, good/bad within me