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Three Steps to Avoid the Valentine’s Day Fumble

Love is in the air. And in print and just about everywhere else as we head into Valentine’s Day weekend.

Will the big day be another brick in the foundation of your love life? Or, like millions of others, will a Valentine’s Day fumble leave you charging into the Splitsville end zone?

Speaking on the WYGB Morning Show in Indianapolis this morning, PAIRS Foundation’s Seth Eisenberg explained to host Dave “The King” Wilson that research on Facebook status updates shows that many people find themselves suddenly “not in a relationship” right after America’s annual love fest.

What’s love mean to you? More important, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, what’s love mean to the object of your affection?

Eisenberg said many of us get caught up in how to express and show love without ever knowing what causes feelings of love.

Wilson and Eisenberg talked about lessons from PAIRS relationship and marriage education classes that the emotion of love comes from the anticipation of pleasure. The work of a relationship, Eisenberg said, is to stay a pleasure in each others’ lives. He should know. PAIRS has been helping people all over the world find, keep, and restore love for almost 30 years.

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, Eisenberg said step one is finding out what it takes to be a pleasure in your lover’s life today.

Step two is doing it.

Step three is regularly repeating steps one and two.

Do you remember what was a pleasure to both of you when you first started dating? Chances are, things have changed. Especially if you’ve had children, gone through career changes, health challenges, are juggling checkbooks and credit cards, or trying to stay in your house.

But you probably wouldn’t know what’s a pleasure to your partner unless you can really talk to each other. Contrary to popular belief, great conversations are more about great listeners than good talkers.

You’ve still got a few days to really connect with the person you love. Try sitting down in person without distractions for a few minutes. Confiding is the lifeblood of intimacy. That kind of intimacy doesn’t come from a text message, tweet or status update. It comes from being able to look into each others’ eyes, see the miracle of the person you chose and who once chose you too, and having the courage to ask the question, “How can I be a pleasure in your life today?”