Jay| Glen Eden

“Okay, I’ve got one. So, the last time I felt angry was last night. It was, it was kind of anger/frustration. I was aware that there were some needs happening for me that weren’t getting met, and I went into sort of a child space around it, and forgot that I could ask for help.

Yeah, so I guess the way that I processed it was simply becoming aware of what I was feeling, and allow, giving myself some space to feel that, because a lot of judgments come up around the emotions. So, firstly I had to kind of tune into myself and think, well what, what am I actually feeling here right now? And then, when I got that awareness, I was able to kind of go a bit, bit more into my adult space, if that makes sense.

So the, the arising emotion was quite, felt quite child-like, not in a judgemental way, but quite child-like, and then when I was able to allow that feeling then I was able to kind of move into more of an adult space, and from that space I was able to firstly have compassion for myself, and that it’s okay to feel, feel what I’m feeling right now, and how can I respond to that? What needs, what needs are under there that want to be met? And, I realised that I needed some support, and probably that was the highest one, was some support. So, I was able to move on from that, and directly ask for some support with the next part of the meal, from my daughter.

Sure, it’s quite a big question and I could probably talk at great length about it. I’ve thought a lot about this, and firstly I think their needs to be, it’s such, it’s such a complicated question, but there needs to be some awareness of what one’s feeling I think. In the moment, and then, an ability, either comes from another person that shows compassion towards that anger state, and is able to sort of sit with that person and maybe, maybe tease out a little bit what, what is actually underneath the anger, because often what’s underneath the anger is frustration and hurt, but to get to that place requires a sort of a softness. A softening of the being and, and a vulnerability, and I think, I think that’s really difficult.

I think that took me a very long time to get to that place where I was able to be soft and, and vulnerable, and a bit more gentle with myself. That often is modelled from someone on the outside, but if you’re unfortunate in life and haven’t had great family, or you tend to perhaps create the same kind of animosity through life, and keep the same story running that whatever story it is that you have about yourself and your life. So I think compassion, and so that’s, like I say, modelled from the outside and then hopefully develops within oneself to be able to stop for a moment and go, hey I’m feeling really angry right now, what do I need right now?

So, I was originally born in England and we moved over to New Zealand in 1974. There were six of us that came over from England, and what’s always been important to me is integrity, and honesty and transparency, and just being able to be vulnerable with that but still have boundaries and strengths. So, it’s been a lifetime, an ongoing lifetime work for me.”