Billy, Don’t Be A Hero…

By Luke Haines, British Editor.

Billy Bush is back, ladies and gentlemen! The… beige… sheep…? Is that a thing? The Beige Sheep of the family? …Like, the most unremarkable one?

The Beige Sheep of the Bush family is back in the headlines after sensationally revealing that Donald Trump from the now-infamous “Bus Tape” was the SAME Donald Trump we all knew it was and-

…Wait, I’m sorry, this is journalism? I mean, of course it was Donald Trump. Donald Trump is a pathological liar. We have a recording that was made in front of witnesses on a bus, and then actual video footage of Trump getting off the same bus. The fact that Trump now claims he wasn’t on the bus means nothing. We all know it was Donald Trump. We can hear his voice. We can see him on the tape.

We certainly don’t need a New York Times opinion piece from Billy Bush about how he won’t stand for these lies anymore and that it really was Trump on the bus all along.

I was totally ready to lay into Billy Bush – George W. and Jeb’s cousin – for publishing that piece. I figured another Bush was trying to slither away from history by taking a hollow moral stance now in the hopes that it would erase his past misdeeds. But a quick search of Wikipedia reveals that, much like at least one of his cousins, Billy Bush is not really an evil man. He’s just a fucking idiot.

For a start, he’s only just figured out that Trump is a liar with no morals. He only recently read an October 2016 article in which women accused Trump of sex crimes, at which point he realized it was a thing, despite the fact that he – and we’ve covered this already – recorded Donald Trump bragging about sex crimes. With that kind of cognitive delay, and if my math is correct, we’re going to need someone to stand behind Billy Bush on May 13th, 2029, when he collapses from the shock of realizing his Uncle George gropes women, too.

Billy Bush only has two subjects in his Wikipedia “Personal Life” section. One is about his marital status. The other is about the time he got hit in the head with a golf ball.

Billy Bush isn’t smart enough to try to hide from history. Billy Bush isn’t smart enough to hide from a Vampire in a garlic store. He seems to be so stupid that his New York Times piece is a sincere, bold, pointless, long-delayed attempt at moral heroism.

He is nowhere near savvy enough to comprehend that he might come under attack from the Right for this. He’ll be genuinely shocked when he has someone read his Twitter feed to him.

For all of our cynicism towards the Bush clan – deserved though it is – maybe we should take a moment and salute Billy Bush. Not the hero America needs right now, but the one it deserves. A courageous moron who’s just starting to realize this Trump guy isn’t on the level.

He only has two subjects in his Wikipedia “Personal Life” section. One is about his marital status. The other is about the time he got hit in the head with a golf ball.