Riff ov the Week: Album Openers

Album-opening riffs really tickle your pickles, don’t they? I got like 40 submissions from you guys this week. Unfortunately, I’m only using the first 15. Is it because I’m a bad man? Or is it because I’m swamped and that’s simply all I have time for? You decide.

Good ol’ W. joked that Deafhaven would win if someone submitted them this week. I assured him that the only thing Deafhaven will win under my stewardship is the award for “Fastest Email Sent to the Trash Bin and Lied About Having Come In Too Late”, which I’m having Link draw up in Microsoft Paint as we speak. Taking that trophy from JJD isn’t easy, but a Deafhaven submission might just do the trick.

Last week, Ellipsis just barely edged out Lacertilian in a battle between Black Sabbath and Acid Bath. The people have spoken. Congratulations to the nervous awkward silence.

Next week:

W. has an idea. Here it is in his own words: Look, we all prostrate ourselves to the riff on a regular basis, but sometimes simple riffs just can’t impart the same feeling as a string of notes with the right background noise. Sometimes we need sustain and feedback to build tension. Sometimes we need synths and choral work to bring them feels. Sometimes we need more than just the riff. This next contest is a measure of the best use of atmosphere in a metal song to create a tone.

Send your atmosphericisms to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include a Youtube link, the time of the riff, your name, and an explanation for why you picked something so shitty.

If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.

Masterlord

Hellfire’s Dominion has my favorite opener of all time. A simple riff, but one that so perfectly manages to channel the bleak, medieval spirit over which Desaster had such a mastery. This exact riff should kick off every album ever.

Shrimp in a Pizza Box / Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

Shrimp: I Immediately thought of this riff the second I saw the theme. There is also a sped-up version of the riff towards the end of the song, but the one at the start is definitely one of my top 5 riffs of all time.

Formerly: No justification needed, everyone and their mum knows how good an opening riff it is, infact its so good around 3 minutes of the song is built around it (yes I counted). Just a perfect opening to an awesome album.

Something Something Richter

There’s a sample of some guy saying something about how humans are all lazy and doomed, etc, and then the riff kicks off at 0:36. To get the full effect, I recommend listening to the entire longwinded sample and letting the riff startle you out of your lazy, doomed, depressive torpor.

Zeke… or Isaac; whatever

This riff is sick and it keeps twisting and mutating over the first part of the song. A great beginning for a great album.

Howard Dean

This was the hardest week yet for me to come to a decision. I immediately had about 50 ideas in mind. My mind first went to the opening riffs of Crimson by Edge of Sanity, Judeobeast Assassination by Grand Belial’s Key, Destroy the Opposition by Dying Fetus (one of the best meathead/beatdown riffs ever), and Transcendence Into The Peripheral by Disembowelment. All great riffs, all great openers to awesome albums. So what did I go with? How would I top those? AKERCOCKE. The opening riff to Words That Go Unspoken, Deeds That Go Undone, a motherfucker of a headbanger that offers perfect passage into one of the best extreme metal albums ever made. Press play on this beast.

Lobster Attack

We’re just puttering along, listening to Richard Christy do his thing, and then BOOM – Oh, hi! Chuck’s back! Time to shred. PS – Death should get all the votes by default, because Death.

The Redman

I’ve always considered Adagio being power metal for people who dislike power metal, especially on their monster of an album Archangels In Black. They pick the best parts of various genres and create a melting pot of power metal, melodic death metal, and thrash. Layer it under Christian Palin’s soaring vocals (and the occasional growl) and you have a recipe for a catchy AF progressive power merol album. The Riff starts off at the very beginning and accompanies the song on the outro as well. Enjoy!

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I figured there was gonna be a lot of OSDM or thrash riffs here, so I figured I’d play that game too. This is good and catchy as in memorable.

Dagon

One of metal’s most unforgettable melodies perfectly sets the tone for one of metal’s most unforgettable records.

Jack Bauer

This is one of my favorite intros of any album ever from one of my favorite albums of this year so far. Melechesh start Enki off with a fucking bang and don’t let up for the rest of the album. THIS is how you do an epic start to an album. I love love love that riff.

Ron Deuce

The opening riff to Acid Bath’s “Paegan Love Song” of off Paegan Terrorism Tactics is so damn good that they keep going back to it repeatedly. By the time they’ve abandoned it, you buried waist deep in the nastiest sludge spewed from a NOLA sewer.

Ru!N

This opening riff of …And Justice for All could not be any heavier. Combined with the verse riff that is equal parts earth shattering and catchy, this album opener is at the top of several essential openers from Metallica. Riff starts at :36 in this Live Shit version.

Poseur Disposeur

Snakes for the Divine is the ultimate album intro/opening riff in all of metal history. It is the audio equivalent of an ax falling down on a poser’s neck, of a cavalry charge down a blackened hill into a helpless village, of finishing off the last drink of Steel Reserve and then throwing the bottle at a cop car, or really anything even remotely associated with being metal.

Huggy Bear OH YEAH

2014’s Echoes and Cinders is tits, 2012’s Into the Dark is titser, 2010’s The Grim Awakening is 42 minutes of pure unfuckwithabilitisiveness. I don’t know if they are known around this here Toilet, but I feel they could never be known and headbanged to enough [It’s actually “headbung” — Masterlord].

Simon Phoenix

A riff that opens an album, eh? My first instinct was to go with Dark Age by Vader. But that is technically not the first thing you hear on that record. So instead enjoy this skull crushing riff from these underrated Canadian death-thrashers. Simon says bring on the syrup and the sledgehammer.

If anyone ever submits a Deafhaven song, they will instantly get my vote. Cuz, jimmie rustling.

KJM

Old man iz old. Blackened.

FeelTheDarknesses

Yes

more beer

I`m seeing Poison Idea in October at California Death fest. I`m really looking forward to that.

FeelTheDarknesses

And I am jealous.

more beer

I`ve been a fan for a long time and it`s my first time seeing them. Plus Immolation is closing out the weekend. It`s been a while since I saw them last. I grew up in Yonkers so it will be good to see old friends also.

more beer

It`s not how old you are it`s how old you act. Plus when you were coming up was the best time for metal I know because I was there.

Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

LARS THE DANISH PROPHET WOULD BE PROUD

BLACKENED IS THE END

(Disclaimer: that is a great riff and I unabashedly love old Metallica)

“From the Human Forest…” was a good album and “London” had its moments too. But also it had some very cheesy ones. I highly prefere Akercocke over them. Unfortunately David Gray and Matt didn’t continue with The Antichrist Imperium, as far as I know.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95I3qq2M9Xw
(240p though) 😀

CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

Peter Benjamin does good with the vocals i thought as far as Voices go. We are never going to get an extreme band as good as Akercocke again. It’s a once in a lifetime event.

Edward/Breegrodamus™

People that don’t love old Metallica are posers and or people who just regurgitate things that other people have said. Also, they could just be young.

Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

I’m 35 and have never owned any Metallica album ever. When I was 15 – 25 and drumming in bands, I was just so stained by Lars and him thinking he was so fucking awesome that it ruined the band for me. That, and also the fact that there was ALWAYS something else I’d rather chuck on the stereo than any Metallica album. I heard enough of them when hanging out with friends and always having friends jam the living shit out of Metallica.

This almost made me obliterate a Procol Harum record with my fist. At least i didnt.

Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

I know, too much douche in one picture. Thank god they got better, mostly.

Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

Thank god.

B00mhauer

Snakes for the Divine is all the proof you need that the simplest riff can be the heaviest. Just listening to that song gives me a fucking concussion. I wish Matt Pike much health and longevity. We need more of his riffs!

Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

Oh hey someone submitted Metallica, I guess they win. Oh wait a second that High on Fire riff might actually be better. I guess I will listen to these two at the end just to be fair. HOLY SHIT DAT ANCIENT ASCENDANT.

Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

Tough week! Everyone brought it hard. Dead Congregation’s “Vomitchrist,” the lead song/riff that kick starts their excellent Purifying Consecrated Ground EP? Yes please. High on Fire, Mortal Decay, and Dissection? Sure, I’ll take some. But Ronny Deuce did it with “Paegan Love Song”–one of my favorite songs off one of my favorite albums from one of my favorite bands. Like he placed a pile of beef jerky, raw oysters, and hundred dollar bills on a platter just for me. Congrats, good sir. I’m OK with Acid Bath winning two weeks in a row.

One of my favorite things about knowing Vzlanos is hearing the wild political rumors that circulate about their government.

Edward/Breegrodamus™

I might have a hard time not voting for my RotW boy Ron Deuce as I have the past two weeks, but I’m leaning towards tossing in a vote for my boy the Bear God. I really just wanna listen to that new Hoss-de-Nage again from cover to cover.

Edward/Breegrodamus™

Ok, Masterlord’s pick is pretty sweet.

Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

Masterlord’s picks are always pretty damn good but never win worthy. We should rename him to MasterMediocre.

I am Richter. My arms hurt. (Vote for a noob. Help us feel better about ourselves in general and our rectal health specifically.)

Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

Simon Phoenix never gets enough RotW love. He always submits a nice thrashy headbanger. He’s just a little 3 kvlt 5 the Terlet. Funny how thrash was once the biggest sound in metal and now it’s the most overlooked and flippantly disregarded. Hey people! Listen to thrash and shoot motherfuckers with phazer guns!

BLOODBEARDE

I never overlook moats. Tactical error

Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

Fixed. Cell phone typing sucks.

BLOODBEARDE

Better the first way

Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

Seriously, beware of moats. One second you’re attacking a palisade wall with a mace, the next you are at the bottom of a man-made water trench, drowning and cursing h2o.

Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

It doesn’t bother me that much, as usually everyone submits such kickass riffs every week. They are simply blind to the greatness of the palm muted riff and i intend to fix that.

Also I don’t fuck with moats either. Motherfuckers tend to get really grimy, pour some oil, and light that shit on fire. Not fun to trudge through.

Tyree

Dagon for the win.

JWG

If I had submitted something it would have been that opener from Enki, too. It’s the only album on my current playlist that’s not atmospheric black metal. And for good reason. It rips from start to finish.

… okay, maybe not that second-to-last track, but by that point in being indiscriminately pummeled for 40 minutes you kind of need a breather.

Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

Yeah if it wasn’t for DC and Deasater, Enki would’ve gotten my vote. That album is in my top five list for the year already cause it tears faces apart.

Poseur Diposeur

Owned. I knew that was a good choice

JamesGrimm

The fact that Gojira or Acid Bath arnt at the top of the list shows the raging nerdom in this forum.

So tough this week, many of these choices were unexpected but definitely welcome.
Masterlord, the Clack Attack, both the deities of Fish & Bear, Jack, of course Blackened, the Disposer of Posers and the Huggy Bear all brought it to my ears.
I would choose ex-crustacean combo deal because that riff is great but I don’t think it’s the best opener to an album here.
I’m going with Archbauer, just pipped the Fish & Bear.

Ted Nü-Djent ™

I demand a recount of last week. NIB>>>>>>

Ellipsis

I didn’t think I had any hope of winning.

The YT link I send wad blocked in the US, or something, so it was changed to a bootleg live version.

Maybe the pity vote played a part…

Lacertilian

You’ve started an Acid Bath takeover of the Toilet.
Bathroom amenities locked in a battle to the death, first to crack to opponent’s porcelain takes all.

No way man, you had a well earned victory. I was merely commiserating with my compatriot and the fact I voted for him

Ellipsis

Geezer will always be the first and one of the best when it comes to bassists in metal.

Lacertilian

Take it to the high officials atop the golden cistern. If my useless mates would join the bowl I may of had a better chance.
Actually, on second thoughts they would have voted against me just to be cunts. I would do the same for them tbh.

It’s been a wonderful Saturday. All you handsome flushers are probably all dressed up to the nines and are out fine dining with your super hot dates, following it up with a little smoochie smoochie. Me? Well I’m settling down with a fine IPA, the Giants are on the TV, I’ve got my headphones on and I’m ready for some riffs. Decision to follow.

Ted Nü-Djent ™

It’s Sunday and I’m about to mow my mums lawn

Stanley

I just did a bit of weeding. It’s quite therapeutic. I can see why others see it as a chore though.

Lacertilian

8hrs a day doing endless gardens for minimal wage tends to make me despise it and curse the fuckwits who brought the overseas plants here in the first place.

Congratulations guys. You dug deep and submitted some good stuff. It started strong with the Masterlord and as I worked my way down the list the riffs just got better and better (although there was a minor blip with the overplayed Metallica). Standouts are Howie D, Poseur D and Huggy B, but when push came to shove, Jackie B took it. Melechesh reigns supreme. I’ve had this album in my Amazon cart for a while but now I think I’m gonna have to pull the trigger.

Stanley

I love the surprise of clicking the vote button and then seeing who’s on top. Looks like a landslide for Poseur D. Well done, sir.