Lil Wayne will prove on March 26 that he is Not A Human Being… um, 2

They say you don’t miss your water till the well runs dry; well a few days ago, for innumerable Lil Wayne fans, the world got awfully dehydrated. TMZ reported that, following additional seizures and an apparent codeine-related overdose, Lil Wayne was on his deathbed, surrounded by family and receiving his last rites. The resulting internet flurry and endless stream of social media updates that followed is a testament to Wayne’s continued relevance in the popular consciousness. He may not be the “Hottest MC in the Game” anymore, but there are those that still consider him the best (Kanye West included).

We now know that the rumors of his near-demise were greatly exaggerated. He was never on his deathbed, and we can now all breathe a collective sigh of relief — whew. Wait, some of you out there weren’t sighing. Especially that heavily bearded corner of dudes over there, I didn’t catch many gasps or sad eyes coming from over that way. What’s up with y’all? Oh, you’re of the opinion that Weezy is just a bloated commercial mess of gangsta posturing and overt misogyny, at best over the hill, washed up. I guess I can (no, I can’t) see why some people would not dig his music; after all he’s just another two-bit rapper (what the fuck is wrong with you).

Lil Wayne may be the most popular contemporary musician that no one has really listened to. His reputation among the uninitiated (those yet to drink the punch) usually boils down to the superficial perception that he is somehow synonymous with his pop-leaning singles (“Lollipop,” etc.) and well-documented abrasiveness; they hate the dust-jacket and they never read the pages. These people rarely get past the glint of his diamond teeth, confusing blatant theatricality with authenticity.

Maybe that isn’t why you don’t care. Maybe you enjoy some his stuff, but the quality of his releases are just too inconsistent for your liking. This I can understand. His flashes of brilliance are often buttressed by the comparatively lame (make fart noises here). There’s no question about it, Wayne operates sans filter. But this is a good thing. Lil Wayne’s restless bouts of insight are vomitific and incendiary in ways not dissimilar to Coleman’s sax or Ginsberg’s pen. Unfortunately, this style of free association and his stream-of-consciousness tongue contribute equal force to both his prolific genius and outspoken detractors. But, washed up? You must not have heard “6 Foot 7 Foot,” ya’ know, the best hip-hop single of the the last three years? You’d be hard pressed to list a track where Wayne’s lyricism and delivery are any more inspired than right there.

Anyway, for those who do care (that should be you), Weezy’s new album I Am Not a Human Being II hits shelves next Tuesday, March 26. Oh, and it has a butterfly on the cover made by Kanye West, who reportedly thinks butterflies are really, really dope.

Hmmm, maybe I should have played this whole thing closer to the chest? Maybe the haters have some valid points? But Lil Wayne is just so damn cool I must be right, yeah… I’m right (fuck them).

As my father said each subsequent time that I tried to convince him to buy me an electric cattle prod, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on your mother.” What I mean to say is, I’ve been burned before… fooled, you might say. All through college my roommates were relentless pranksters. They’d put entire cooked pizzas under my bed, and once they even covered my whole car in this weird yellow-ish sauce that still hasn’t washed out. And though my college friends are all either dead or living in Cleveland these days (pretty much the same thing, am I right folks???), I’ve stayed pretty on edge about getting pranked.

You can imagine, then, my skepticism when I heard about this new album and tour from Sightings. So, apparently the tour starts the first week of April (RED FLAG: anything in the month of April is suspect) and it’s slated to stretch across Europe (RED FLAG: the only people who go to Europe are socialists and legacy acts). The tour is purportedly designed to promote the band’s new album (RED FLAG: who was the last European you met that bought albums?) which is going to be called Terribly Well (RED FLAG: no one uses adverbs anymore), and released on April 1 (GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR RED FLAG: that’s my mother’s birthday) on Dais Records (that part checks out). And get this, apparently Sightings are an “experimental rock” band?? Surely they must be kidding! There’s no market for that kind of stuff these days! Everybody (including TMT) knows that the kids only want to hear Fun pop music about Going Out, Overcoming Adversity, and getting over your Fear Of Missing Out. If you’re in Europe, maybe check out one of the dates, or pre-order the album here, but just sayin’, this smells an awful lot like a hoax.

After touring the United States and doing a few dates in Australia in support of their latest album ‘Allelujah! Don’t Bend! Ascend! (TMT Review) you would think Godspeed You! Black Emperor would take some time off. I mean, they’ve taken long breaks in the past, right?

Well, if you thought that you are wrong and deserve to be ridiculed. The Montreal collective is going to continue to take their guitar, effects pedals, and stage chairs on the road. In fact, they will be on many roads, in many countries, on multiple continents. Look for GY!BE to hit up Asia this spring and to show up at a bunch of European festivals this summer (plus a one-off show in France).

Just as a note, some of the official line-up schedules haven’t been announced for a couple of the festivals, so if you’re attending, keep an eye out for that. With the big gap between the Asian dates and the European dates, don’t be surprised if they make some more appearances in May, June, or July.

It was once a lonely life for Zomes a.k.a. Asa Osborne. For years, the former Lungfish guitarist had only his trusty keyboard to keep him company. But those days are over, as Osborne is now joined in Zomes by vocalist Hanna Olivegren. In a tale as old as time, Osborne met Olivegren through a mutual friend in Skull Defekts at Sweden’s Perspectives Festivals. Olivegren improvised with Osborne during his set, leading to the two doing an improvised performance in a Stockholm art gallery a few days later. These performances led to Osborne inviting Olivegren to perform with him on the last date of his tour with Beach House and, later, writing the songs on Time Was, Zomes’ third album out April 16 on Thrill Jockey.

This new Zomes record will mark the band’s first recordings as the duo of Osborne and Olivegren. Of course, though, that’s the only new ground being broken in the history of Zomes — except wait! It’s totally not! Time Was also happens to be the group’s first album recorded in a studio, as previous albums were done on a cassette deck. Supposedly, the album even finds the group approaching the territory of pop songs, such as on the record’s title track featuring lyrics based on a poem by Olivegren’s grandfather. Golly, Zomes, have you even left an inch of uncharted territory for yourselves?

Zomes will go on tour this spring, just in time for everyone to recover from these shocking left turns — except wait again! Not only are Zomes going on tour, they’re going on tour as a trio. Where once there was one, now there are three. I need to sit down.

I don’t picture Australia as a very “goth” country. I’m sure there are parts of it that combine the dreary climate and urban blight necessary for a Goth subculture to flourish (or fester), but most of what I have experienced of the continent is heat. The kind of heat and humidity that makes sitting very still in a lawn chair with your eyes closed one of the most enjoyable activities. It’s also the kind of environment that makes wearing three layers of black clothes and makeup that took two hours to put on a prescription for heatstroke.

Despite the contraindications that the environment might present, ATP seems hell-bent on injecting Australia with possibly dangerous levels of dread and black hair-dye when Halloween rolls around. Let’s just say it’s a “heroic dose.” They are calling this fix of the dark and gloomy Release the Bats and the lineup is pretty staggering: The Breeders, The Jesus Lizard, The Scientists, Fuck Buttons, Lighting Bolt, Sleep, and Forest Swords for starters. Not all the bodies in this particular crypt have been accounted for, though, so expect more bands to be unearthed as October 26 draws nearer. The monster mash will be held at two locations just outside Melbourne, one indoors and one outdoors, though apparently neither is a graveyard. $150 + fees gets you into the whole thing and tickets are going on sale starting today.

If you’re traveling to ATP from the states I would recommend stocking up on hairspray, black eyeliner, and lipstick now; I assume the continent is going to be fresh out once Release the Bats Goth-ifies the whole of Australia. Yes, it has that kind of influence; don’t even question it.

Relative unknowns The Flaming Lips have gotten a lot of press about their forthcoming debut album on Warner Bros. Records, The Terror. While the initial April 2 release date has been pushed back two weeks to April 16, fans of the up-and-comers need not fret, as veteran electronic musician Dan Deacon is taking a chance on the burgeoning psychedelic band in an effort to give them more exposure.

Aside from the standard version of the album, Warner Brothers is pulling out all the stops and releasing a deluxe 2 LP edition. That’s where Deacon comes in. He has reconstructed, broken down, and edited the entire album into a side-long remix titled “We Don’t Control The Controls (Mashed-The-F-Up-Remix)”.

Hopefully, the added exposure of the Deacon remix will boost sales enough to let these so called Flaming Lips have a long, eclectic, and successful career.