During the height of ESPN writers, Pat Forde, Chris Low, and Mark Schlabach’s smearing of hearsay on ESPN.com, a man who said he once met the reporters allegedly was soliciting a six-figure payment to secure the property of the alleged Forde, Low, and Schlabach sex tape, Auburntron.com has learned.

Former beat writer for a high school paper that once read an article or two from the reporters above told Auburntron.com that a guy who once had coffee with a guy that watches espn and saw a co-worker of the ESPN writers contacted him soon after a certain “fluffing” went on before the tape was allegedly recorded during the filming of ESPNU’s “Experts”.

The following quotes were heard on the subway, “He said it would take cash or a cheeseburger for Low to release the tape”. “A representative of Schlabach denied the tape existed but later said that he was misquoted by Schlabach”. “Pat Forde will do anything to be Kirk Herbstreit, even if he has to make another tape with the entire Boise St. Football team.”

A homeless man said that the reporters, who repeatedly perform ugly and morally wrong acts in the media and bedroom, have made more than one tape and that there are a number of other tapes out their with certain head football coaches. One titled, “I Screwed Miami Bi***”, and “What’s hiding under my hat?”

When I dialed a phone number at complete random, I spoke with someone who informed Auburntron.com that sperm samples had been sent up to investigators and it determined that Chirs Low’s test results show that his sperm was actually glaze for a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

More to come on this story as I plan on going old school 1998 styles and get quotes and information from a AOL chat room.

This article is satire. Anyone that takes these allegations seriously needs to apply to be a writer for espn.com.