Portal (game)

This article includes quotes from the video game Portal. For portals inside Wikiquote, see Wikiquote:Portal.

Portal is a first-personaction/puzzlevideo game that was released as part of The Orange Box in October 2007. The game consists primarily of a series of physics puzzles that must be solved by teleporting the player's character and other simple objects using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (dubbed the "Portal Gun"), a unit that can create an inter-spatial portal between flat planes. The player character is challenged by an AI named "GLaDOS" (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) to complete each puzzle in the "Aperture Science Enrichment Center" using the Portal Gun, with the promise of receiving cake when all the puzzles are completed.

Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that, although fun and learning are the primary goals of of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from (garbled and voice edited Spanish) Stand back. The portal will open in 3, 2, 1...*

Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.

You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.

Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees [sic] Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. [The player's platform is lowered into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.

Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like, [deep voice] "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going to murder you." That was great.

I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him.

During these quotes, the screens behind GlaDOS, show images that sometimes match with what is said[Upon entering the Main Hall] Well you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you've managed to break so far, is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four… [morality core drops to the ground] Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise… I've never seen it before. Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later… By myself… Because you'll be dead.

[After picking up the morality core] Where are you taking that thing? I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow. I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone. Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now. Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me. Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later. That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it. Maybe you should marry that thing, since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel? Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone. I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol. Just ignore that thing and stand still. Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it? Are you even listening to me? I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone.

[After burning the morality core] You're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing that … whoa. Whoa, whoa … [Cackles, voice changes] Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is [static] … ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!

I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny too.

Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste. What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you – which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on. [Silly voice] "Hellooo!" That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?

Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.