Now more than ever, we all want to feel the love. But experts say that waiting for the 'likes' to roll in can seriously mess with your psyche. Have we reached a compliment crisis?

Last month, Jessica, 29, attended a black-tie wedding in San Francisco with her fiancé. Since it was a fancy affair, Jessica went to great lengths to look glamorous—long, silky black dress, pearls, a blowout, the works—and in her own (humble) opinion, she thought she looked amazing. But when she arrived at the wedding, her fellow guests didn't exactly shower her with praise as she'd hoped—and expected—they would. In fact, they didn't say anything at all, and Jessica found their silence surprisingly hurtful.

"I didn't realize that I cared so much about getting compliments, but when I didn't get them immediately upon arrival, I took that to mean that I must look horrible," reveals the graduate art student, who lives in Chicago. "All of a sudden, I felt so self-conscious and started doubting my outfit choice and my whole look, even though I'd been so happy with it before I left."

Andrea, 29, an urban planner from Brooklyn, can relate. She experienced a similarly surprising moment of self-doubt when she "replied all" to a work e-mail chain with what she thought was a hilarious joke—she asked for a raise for being such a genius—and no one responded. Not even a single LOL. "I walked around my office the next day just waiting for someone to tell me how funny I am. And when no one said a word, I slowly started to doubt myself, like, 'Maybe I shouldn't have said that after all…or maybe I'm not that funny,'" she recalls.

Jessica and Andrea aren't the only ones who've come to expect tangible praise from their peers on the regular. Experts say that, these days, more millennials than ever before are craving external validation, regardless of how secure and confident they actually are. Blame it on the so-called "Generation Validation" effect, which is rooted in, what else, social media. "Twenty- and thirty-somethings have gotten so accustomed to receiving praise online—think Instagram likes and Facebook comments—that they've started to expect that same amount of validation offline, too," explains Robert Leahy, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of Beat the Blues Before They Beat You. But here's the weird part: It's not always a conscious thing. Even the most confident women are falling victim to the phenomenon unknowingly, à la Jessica and Andrea. "Yes, the validation effect is slowly sleeping into millennials' collective subconscious," Leahy confirms.

There are a few reasons why the GV effect has taken off exponentially, the first being that our generation has turned into a great big bunch of over-likers. Think about it: Your friend posts a terrible picture of a cupcake on Instagram, complete with bad lighting, an off-centered horizon, and half-melted, clearly-processed neon frosting, and how many "likes" does it get? 50? 100? Be honest: You know that's absurd. It's a cupcake, for goodness sake, and a poorly-documented one, at that. And while you may think you're being nice by throwing your girl a thumbs-up for her culinary expertise (*sarcasm*), your "like" is actually contributing to the larger validation problem. "When people get praise for even the most mundane things, it dilutes the 'like' by making its value less special. In turn, the 'like' itself becomes more normal. And once that happens, people start to expect 'likes' in all facets of their life, both online and offline," explains Leahy.

The problem with wanting—needing—to be hearted all the time is that it leaves many of us feeling, well, disheartened. A University of Michigan study published in the Journal of Social Issues found that college students who base their own self-worth on external sources, like approval from others, reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, drug and alcohol use, and symptoms of eating disorders. And a June 2014 survey from the statistics company StatPro found that 68% of people share information on social media to define their identities. The issue is rooted in a phenomenon psychologists refer to as "contingent self-worth." "When you're waiting for someone else to confirm that what you're doing is cool, you're basing your opinion of yourself on their values, not your own. And the further you stray from your own center, the more unhappy and miserable you'll feel," explains Bryan Dik, PhD, a Denver-based vocational psychologist.

So what's the fix? The Big Important Thing is to remind yourself that the world doesn't revolve around you. Next, take a big step back and truly identify your core values. Then, stick to them. If you like something, and it aligns with your beliefs, stand behind it and ignore the voice in your head that wants to make sure others agree with you. And remember, not everything you do is likable, which is totally okay. "Wherever you go, there are going to be some people that simply don't like you. That's human nature, and once you accept that, it's so liberating," concludes Leahy. In sum, just do you.

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