Tag: intimacy

Husband, your married sex life was most likely set up for disappointment from your very first date with your wife…and you probably didn’t even know it. But now…well you know what your sex life is like now…and you just want to know, “What do I need to do to improve my relationship with my wife so that I can enjoy more affection, intimacy, and sex with her?”

Well, let’s explore…starting with a key problem that has likely been long-standing between you and the affection, intimacy, and sex you want to enjoy with your wife. (I emphasize “likely” because what I am about to describe does not apply to all relationships…but it does apply to the majority of them.)

The normal Western-society female has an extremely strong expectation that the man in her life will devote himself as much as is humanly possible to doing for her, giving to her, caring for her, and attending to her…so that HER life can revolve around only those things that SHE wants it to revolve around.

Her expectation is that the man in her life will devote himself to supporting her so that she can be the star of HER show…and so that she is free to devote herself to whatever interests and passions drive her.

Now, when the typical guy starts dating a gal that he likes, he typically operates from the belief and position that he must convince her to like him so that she will give him her affection, intimacy, and sex.

What this means is that the guy tends to orient everything the two of them do together around what SHE wants and likes…because he believes that will convince her to like him.

Coincidentally, this relational-orientation is exactly the kind of relationship the gal wants…this has been her long-running fantasy since she entered her teenage years…a Prince Charming showing up on a white horse who devotes himself to making her life a fairy tale.

Now, if the two of them move forward into marriage, then the gal expects the guy to continue in the same relational-orientation where everything they have and do revolves around her and her preferences, interests, and agendas.

In other words, the typical wife enters into marriage fully expecting her husband to continue revolving around her and her likes, preferences, and interests.

The typical wife enters into marriage fully expecting her husband to continue being focused on pleasing, satisfying, and winning her.

The typical woman expects her relationship to be the same (if not better) after marriage as it was when she was in a dating relationship. She expects her husband’s perspective and attitude towards her to be the same after marriage as it was when the two of them were dating.

And, the typical husband accepts and goes along with this frame…he supports and fosters this frame…that HE created…and that his wife now expects and demands.

We need to go a bit deeper…

When it comes to being in a relationship, the typical female usually does far more qualifying than does the typical male.

For the typical male, if a female looks good to him…and she will give him a bit of friendly attention…then as far as he is concerned, she is qualified and he wants her.

But for females, the qualifying process usually has a very different orientation and focus.

For example, one of the first things the typical gal will do in a relationship with a guy is closely evaluate his relationship with his mother…because if he is too close to his mother, then that will interfere with and limit his ability to revolve around her and her interests…which disqualifies him as a suitable partner for her.

Similarly, the typical gal will closely evaluate how well a guy can take care of himself…because in the female mind, if a male cannot even take good care of himself, then he probably won’t be good at caring for her…or revolving around her…and that too disqualifies him as a suitable partner.

Likewise, the typical gal will closely evaluate a guy’s degree of responsibility…because if he isn’t highly responsible, then that will interfere with him taking responsibility for her…and she doesn’t want that…she wants him to be more responsible…so that she can be less responsible as she flits through life with everything revolving around her and whatever it is that SHE is passionate about.

The point is this: despite how few people recognize it, the typical female enters into a marriage relationship with an extreme degree of self-focus and self-interest…and she fully expects her new husband to revolve his life around her self-focus and self-interest.

Of course, most women will get extremely angry or offended if you try to point out their selfishness to them.

Most of women will get very defensive and tell you all about how much they do, give, and sacrifice. Well, it’s true…they do in fact do, give and sacrifice…but ONLY in the things that pertain to what THEY want or are interested in…and they expect everyone and everything else to support them and to revolve with them around their want or interest.

To prove what I am saying, most children cannot even be themselves…they cannot even pursue their own interests…because their mom has always pushed them into doing what SHE wants them to do…based upon what SHE wants them to be and what SHE wants for them.

Bluntly, children are typically forced to revolve around their mom and HER agendas and desires…no matter how much she couches it as being in the children’s best interest.

No matter how much these moms claim they love and care for their children, their actions relative to their children prove just how extreme their self-interest and self-focus really is.

No matter how much these moms claim they are caring for their children, the reality is that they are forcing their children to take care of them and their agendas…and that is selfish!

Bluntly, these moms cannot see or hear what their children really want because all they can see or hear is what they want for their self in relation to their children.

Interestingly, most moms hide and disguise their selfishness behind their “nurturing” so well that children don’t consciously recognize the trauma and distress their own mother is placing them in.

And unfortunately, those children grow up into dysfunctional adults with real problems and issues…they become adults who sense and see that something is wrong with them…they sense that their life has somehow been sabotaged…but they can’t place their finger on it…they can’t quite figure out what is wrong with them…and it never occurs to them that it was their mother who sabotaged them in their childhood and that is what they have carried forward into their adult life.

After all, their mother was the one who “loved” them and “cared” for them.

Okay…I know…you are thinking, “Hey, I just want to know how to improve my sex life…because I am fed up with the dissatisfying sex life I have been suffering in…so, just tell me what I need to do so that I can get to enjoying more affectionate, intimacy, and sex with my wife.”

Well, I’ve already told you more than you probably realize…but let’s keep going.

When the typical woman lands a husband who will care for her…that means she doesn’t have to worry about all of the things she expects to receive from him…which in turn means that she is free to pursue her own interests with few to no concerns…and generally, her interests have little to do with her husband.

Let me say that more plainly: when a guy falls into the trap of caring for the typical woman…then SHE in essence gains the freedom to run off and leave him affectionately, intimately, and sexually…as she absorbs herself in her interests and agendas…which have little to nothing to do with him…let alone more affection, intimacy, and sex with him.

Even worse, the more the typical husband strives to care for his wife, the less she cares for him. The more he thinks of her, the less she thinks of him. The more he focuses on her, the more she takes him for granted. The more he values her, the less she values him.

On the flip side, if the husband tries to get his wife to be more focused on him…if he tries to get her to give him more attention…if he tries to get her to be less selfish…by reducing the care and attention he gives her…well, it just backfires on him and his wife ends up giving him even less affection, intimacy, and sex.

Consequently, this husband…and the millions just like him…stay stuck in an unpleasant, unfulfilling, dissatisfying relationship loop that they can’t seem to break free of. More specifically, these husbands are with a self-focused woman with self-interested agendas and they don’t know how to raise their self and their wife out of this maddening loop.

Originally, the guy was trying to convince the gal to like him…so that she would give him her affection, intimacy, and sex. And, he succeeded in the sense that he progressed her into liking him, then loving him, then marrying him.

Unfortunately, he has now found out that just because his wife likes him, loves him, and is married to him does NOT mean that she will give him all the affection, intimacy, or sex that he wants.

In fact, the sad truth for the typical husband is that his wife will only open up to a tiny FRACTION of the affection, intimacy, and sex with him that he wants to enjoy with her.

His wife is too deep into her self-focus, self-interests, self-absorption, and self-agendas…and he does not know how to raise her up out of that way of thinking, being, and operating.

Yes, his wife tells him that she loves him…and obviously they are married…but neither of these facts mean that she will generously share her affection, intimacy, and sex with him.

So, what happens?

I will tell you what happens…as this husband wallows in dissatisfaction with the level of affection, intimacy, or sex that he is receiving from his wife…he goes back to his old reliable belief:

“I must seek to please this woman…I must give her what she wants…I must do for her what she wants done…I must make it easier for her…I must give her more freedom to pursue her interests and agendas…so that she will feel compelled to share her affection, intimacy, and sex with me.”

But of course, it doesn’t work. No matter how hard he strives, no matter how much he gives, no matter how much he does, no matter how much free-rein he extends…he ends up getting LESS affection, intimacy, and sex from his wife.

This husband’s mode of operation merely enables his wife to continue on in her self-focused ways…and sometimes, he even enables her to become MORE self-focused.

I’ll say the preceding in a different way:

In wanting his wife to share more affection, intimacy, and sex with him, the HUSBAND…by his beliefs, perspectives, and mode of operation…by what he thinks, sees, and does…takes himself (and his wife) on yet another trip around the maddening relationship loop that he has been stuck in and frustrated by.

Now, you can spend years coming up with your own solution for getting out of this unpleasant, dissatisfying, unfulfilling relationship loop that you are in with your wife.

You can invest a good chunk of your life into figuring out on your own how to get out of this loop where on one hand, your wife expects and demands HIGH standards of performance from you towards her…while on the other hand, she expects you to accept and be happy with her LOW standards of performance towards you.

Or, you can get my program where I reveal how to …

Get to the affection, intimacy, and sex with your wife that you are wanting to enjoy with her!