Monday, May 2, 2011

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

This is actually one of a couple posters for this movie. It's an Italian production so it goes by a few names. But I liked this poster the best so that's what I'm putting here. But if you'd like to see the official poster (and even buy this movie) you can check it out on Amazon here.

Now onto Cannibal Apocalypse.

The story centers around some 'Nam vets. They contract some cannibal virus while in combat. They are then institutionalized until several years later. They are released and immediately go on one amazing cannibal adventure after another. John Saxon joins their group and they terrorize the town, spreading the man eating disease to everyone they come into contact with.

This movie is written and directed by Anthony Dawson. If you're up on your shit movie directors, this is the mastermind behind Yor: The Hunter From the Future. And honestly...I was really pumped for a good/bad movie. Turns out...Cannibal Apocalypse is actually a really GOOD movie. Especially in comparison to Yor. I just don't understand how one can be so good and the other look so bad. Oh well, I don't want to knock on Yor. That movie's amazing.

For a movie that was made in the late 70s, there's a lot of fantastic gore in this movie. I don't claim to know the gore standards of the late 70s but if Friday the 13th is a base for comparison, Cannibal Apocalypse will fucking mutilate you. There could have been more gore obviously but for the period, it is very good. And they space it out just enough that you can appreciate it.

John Saxon and his sidekick "The Exterminator."

John Saxon. Is the man. You'll recognize him as Nancy's father in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. He brings his A game here. You just can't beat a man eating Saxon.

If there's any criticism I could give to this movie, it's that the actual Apocalypse took too long to happen. I guess that's to be expected but it started out so promising but then just...did something else. I was all pumped for a wild cannibal orgy but it just didn't happen. That's ok though...I got something else instead. And I liked it.

Alcohol Paul borrowed this to me and just told me to watch it, it's amazing. And I've learned to trust him on these things. He is so much better at finding these kinds of movies than I am and I trust his judgement. So going into this, I knew that I was in for some amazing shit. So I had to Tweet about it with the world. Here is results:

CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE TWITTERTHON

(anything in [] was added for this review)

Alright Twitterheads! Listen up! CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE is coming to a feed near you. Let's fucking do this. John Saxon baby!

HOLY SHIT! Written and directed by Anthony Dawson!? That's the guy behind Yor: the hunter from the future! This is gonna kick ass!

JOHN SAXON! JOHN SAXON!

Dog exposion. Flamethrowers. Were off to a good start.

6 minutes and cannibals. Let the apocalypse begin!

You know its good when the music matches the blood drips

This guy is barkin up the wrong tree. He's so dead.

Lesson learned. Never leaves kids alone. They ruin everything.

OH! [Saxon totally took a bite out of this chick]

So far this movie is leaning towards cannibalism is a metaphor for eating out chicks.

GRATUITOUS NUDITY!

its not so much that that guy said, catch that son of a bitch, its the manner of how drunk he sounded when he said it [comment of the night]

Dirt bike biker gangs are not scary.

HAHAHAHA the guy with the shotgun agrees with me

"no good cock suckin son of a bitch, get the bastard"

John Saxon keeps walkin around like he's van damme. [this was the second time he showed up on screen in a towel or his underwear]

All these cops suck at being on time. They keep apologizing for being late

I'm surprised john saxons stare doesn't make my tv explode

That's a half a dozen now with bites. I foresee some serious cannibalism coming soon.

Part of me misses the days of landline telephones. The other part knows I could never twitter and talk about shitty movies

Ah fuck yeah! My fiance just brought me pie. I'm gonna cannibal the shit out of this [this was such an amazing thing that happened. She came down, handed me pie, we ate it together, and she left. No pause. Just love.]

I'm trying really hard to connect this as a nightmare on elm street prequel. I hope saxon lights someone on fire

Or perhaps a CHUD prequel?

This sudden lust for flesh is turning me on.

Alright. Payoff time. This chick just bit this dudes tongue off and bashed his head in with a rock. APOCALYPSE...NOW!!!!

The black guy rules [motherfuckers were had by everyone]

I think they made the cast suck on popsicles constantly so their tongues would be red all the time

I can't believe the director of yor directed cannibal apocalypse. This is actually pretty good. And competent.

Hahahaha they just hacked up some dude for take out

Come on saxon...theres fire right there. Use it!

OH SHIT! They're heading for the sewer! CHUD prequel wins!

That's right, sell it! Make me believe gettin shot hurts.

Wow this climax is awesome.

Nice twist. I like that ending.

I get it now. This is how 28 days later started. Fucking vietnam.

good movie! Tad slow but the story progressed nicely. Saxon ruled. Direction was good. Gore was short but amazing. CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE!

4 comments:

Here here! All hail The Saxon! Heh, one of these days I'm going to do my Enter The Dragon screen caps entitled "Sucks to be Roper" and have every cap be of Saxon with an unfortunate look on his face, as there are plenty, Roper being the bad luck guy that he is.

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