Effective Pos Discipline

12-17-2011, 05:42 PM

My daughter just turned 3, and we have had out ups and downs. For the most part up until now I have felt like positive discipline has been fairly effective. We use a lot of special time, playful parenting, time warnings, expectation setting, etc. But at 3 I know we are going through a huge stage of autonomy and we are fully in the I will do it myself stage. I find this refreshing and fun at times, but all of a sudden she just doesn't hear the word No anymore. I can laugh about some things, like when she got the nail polish down after I told her no and quietly painted her own toes and feet while I was making dinner. But lately I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my effectiveness as a parent. If I say no oranges because they are causing you to have diarrhea it doesn't matter how much I explain or talk to her about it, as soon as I'm not looking she on the counter grabbing oranges. Or no you've already had your vitamins today and I turn around and she's scaling the kitchen to get to the cabinet with the vitamins. Or I say yes I will warm up your soup as soon as your brother is done nursing, and she is pulling her chair up to the stove and trying to turn it on.

Some of these things are huge safety issues, and I just feel like I have no tools right now. I say yes to her independent efforts when it is appropriate, but lately I just feel like I am missing a tool to help us get through this stage safely.

And I know we have more problems when she is tired, but she doesn't nap won't nap and I gave up that struggle a while ago and lately her 9mo. old brother is waking up the whole house at 6am. So I know that there are basic needs that are not being met (sleep), but that doesn't mean she can ignore the rules of our house because she is tired. There is so much more right now, but any tips?

Hi Patricia, it sounds like you have one independent little girl! And it also sounds like you do have a lot of positive discipline tools already, which is so helpful, especially the proactive ones. With the "no"s that your daughter hears, are there any alternatives she could choose? For example,

"No nail polish, but I can get down the hair clips for you, or you can do make-up (not sure if that's a better alternative! )"

"No oranges, but you may have a banana or toast for a snack."

"No more vitamins right now, but we can go play a game or I'll read you a book."

"You may do X or Y while you're waiting for me to make soup."

Also plenty of opportunities to be independent...Like putting her snacks, cups & plates down low so she can help herself. Or just have her do more around the house...find more opportunities for her to help out, set the table, make food, wash windows...really contribute to the work and responsibilities of the family to help her exercise her sense of autonomy and independence..."I can do it myself!"