Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Wisconsin 101: Too nice

You can be too nice. Here's what makes me want to smack people.*

If I am waiting to cross the street, you do not need to stop. You need to stop if I am already in the crosswalk, but I am not going into the crosswalk if there is oncoming traffic. I wait for a break in the traffic before I cross.

1. I am never in such a hurry that I must bend drivers to my will by forcing them to come to a screeching halt.

2. I never count on a driver seeing me and stopping in time. My assumption is always that if I don't time it properly, I could die. And as I have not eaten all the cheese, butter, and dessert that there is to eat in life yet, I am not ready to die.

If I am waiting to JAYWALK, you really don't need to stop. You especially do not need to stop if I am waiting to jaywalk to the consignment store with my load of old purses and those great black suede Italian boots I bought last year, sure that they would stretch.

They never stretch.

You would think I would have learned this lesson by now, along with "never cut your own hair," but I am an eternal optimist.

If I am waiting to JAYWALK and you have two huge garbage trucks behind you**, then you really really don't need to stop. There is no law in the world requiring drivers to accommodate jaywalkers who are not even in the street and to tick off the drivers behind him. The only reason a driver accommodates a jaywalker in the street is that it is very inconvenient to deal with the insurance company when you hit a pedestrian. And the police.

* No one ever accuses me of being too nice.

** LINDY DON'T READ THIS.

Thank you, trash guys, for being late today so I could get the chipmunk whose face Laverne had eaten off and then vomited up into the trash rather than having it sit in the bin for an entire week of the nicest weather we've had in a month. One does not like to have maggots in one's trash.

I run into this all the time when riding my bike. For me it's a safety issue. You are controlling a large and dangerous machine. I am not. If I go out in front of you, I am completely at your mercy. I would much rather wait for you to go on about your business and leave the road clear for me to proceed without worry.