Siân Lloyd: Hello, and here's tomorrow's weather. Well, it's going to be nice and sunny... if you phone this number. Or if you like cloudy conditions with a stiff north-easterly breeze... ring this number. Or if you prefer relentless drizzly rain... move to Wales.

Blair: Ah, Europe! [Cherie and the kids disappear and the room turns back into the office] Controversial issue, let's talk it out. Jacket off, sleeves rolled up, sweaty armpits, as long as it takes. No bullshit.

BBC Reporter: The weekend which had to be posponed because of the war on terrorism.

[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is staring at a painting of himself]

George Bush: General, this mirror isn't working.

General: Sir, that's a painting.

George Bush: But it--

General: No time to explain, Sir. I have an urgent call for you on the satellite video link. It's, uh... Saddam Hussein.

[TV drops down from roof. The screen shows Saddam Hussein in his office]

Saddam Hussein: Ah, Mr. Bush. So you want to bomb old Saddam, eh? Fair enough. But would you want to bomb... Tiddles?

[a kitten jumps onto Saddam's desk. Bush and the General gasp]

Saddam Hussein: Or Fluffy? or Tufty?! Yes, gentlemen, from now on myself and all military targets will be protected by a kitten shield. [stroaking kittens] Won't they? Yes they will! Yes they will! End Transmission.

George Bush: Can I have one, General? I gotta have one of those cute furry things!

General: If you insist, sir.

[General gives Bush a fake, Saddam-style mustache]

George Bush: Yeah! [turns to painting] Awww, but I don't look no different.

General: Oh, Hairy Moses!

[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is playing with army soldiers and tanks]

General: Good news, Sir. Iraq seems to be co-operating fully with UN inspectors. Looks like an all-out conflict can be avoided.

George Bush: AW NUTS!!!

General: Sir?

George Bush: [having a tantrum] I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! All the other cool presidents have had wars!

[Starts throwing his toys at the General]

General: But Sir, you just had a war, and you didn't even finish that one!

George Bush: Well I'm gonna hold my breath until you let me have another one.

George Bush: General, I'm the president of the United States of America. When I say jump, you jump.

General: Hairy Moses.

[General starts to jump up and down]

General: Mr President, why the jimny do we have to have a bouncy Whitehouse?

George Bush: Because all the terrorists bombs will just bounce right off of it.

General: (sarcastically) Oh, silly me!

George Bush: Look at this! (Bush starts to jump up and down) I can do a star, Egypshine, Bruce Forsite!

General: Bruce Forsyth!

George Bush: Okay, I'm bored now. Let's play darts!

General: NO MISTER PRESIDENT!!!!

[a popping sound is heard and the bouncy Whitehouse starts to deflate. Bush starts to cry]

General: Well, it's your own fault.

{The camera fades and the viewer rejoins after the bouncy Whitehouse has been fully deflated]

George Bush: General, I never thought I'd say this... blow up the Whitehouse! (sobs)

General: Ugh! (starts to inflate the Whitehouse using his breath)

[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House, where Christmas decorations have been put out. Bush is holding a present wrapped in wrapping paper; the present is in the shape of a puppy]

Michael Schumacher: *sitting next to the cot of Baby Schumacher* Okay Baby Schumacher, it is time for your 7:30, I'll begin. *opens the book and cleared his throat* Zhe Tortoise and Zhe Hare. Vunce upon a time, there vus za tortoise...errmm...Let's call him Coulthard...and za hare called Schumacher... Hare Schumacher, and zay decided to have a vace...So as the vace begins, zhe Hare vus very confident that he had the upper advantage to the tortoise, and vould surely vin. And he vus vight! He did vin.