Ep. 68 Holiday Gift Guide for Those Coping With Death and Bereavement

This week Dr. Wyatt shares ideas for holiday gifts that are appropriate for caregivers, patients, and the bereaved. Those of us who work with dying patients and bereaved families believe it is important to deal with death openly and frankly, rather than trying to hide or deny the reality that we are all going to die some day. By choosing a gift that acknowledges death you can help foster a healthier approach to the end-of-life in our society and provide an opening for your friend to seek you out for support and conversation.

Here are some “death-aware” gifts that you might consider for various individuals grappling with death and loss this holiday season:

Books: As a reader, books are always one of my favorite gifts to give and receive and there are many that can fit the criteria of “death-aware”. Here are just a few of those books:

The Legacy Letters by Carew Papritz consists of a series of letters from a dying father to his unborn children. This small book is profound and impactful but not too confronting about death and dying. Since it has a masculine perspective on life and death this would be a great gift for a man who may not resonate with some of the other books listed here.

Graceful Passagesby Gary Malkin is a combination CD and Gift book with music and the spoken word for anyone exploring the issues of life and death.

Hello Game(formerly called “My Gift of Grace”)This game is a fun and inspirational tool for creating conversations about death and dying. It would be a great gift for a family facing future loss (which actually describes all of our families) who need some help talking about the end-of-life. The questions contained in the game provide a gentle introduction to a difficult subject.

Memory Quilt or Pillow Favorite clothing items like T-shirts, ties, skirts or dresses can be used to make beautiful memorial quilts or pillows. This might be a thoughtful gift for someone close to you who is grieving a loved one if you have access to those clothing items.

Ceremonial Supplies You might package together one of the suggested books or CD’s along with some of these supplies to help families create rituals for the dying process and for grief:

Gifts for Caregivers If you know someone caring for a loved one during this holiday season be sure to offer a little extra TLC or support. Stress levels can increase greatly for caregivers at this time of year with an influx of visitors and extra tasks to perform. Here are some thoughtful ideas:

Gift certificate for a massage or “spa day”

Homemade “coupon” book with redeemable certificates for help with errands, housecleaning, laundry, cooking, or respite care

Gift cards for local restaurants that provide home delivery

Punch card for a local yoga studio or gym along with offers of respite care so the caregiver can get away at least once a week

Provide an outing for the patient including transportation and companionship to give the caregiver a break

DVD for the patient of a favorite movie or sporting event (especially old musicals, comedies and TV shows from the 1960’s)

CD for the patient of music from the 1940’s and 50’s

Invitation for a “lunch date” for the caregiver along with respite care for the patient

Create a “Memory Book” for the patient of old photos, newspaper clippings and special documents from the past.

These suggestions are just a beginning to help you start thinking creatively about how to give a meaningful and fitting gift to a loved one facing death, dying or grief this holiday season. Spend some time searching for the perfect present that honors death and supports the one experiencing this difficult path.

But remember, there is no substitute for your presence, which is far more important than any other gift you can give. Be willing to spend time with your friend or loved one, even when you don’t know what to say and can do nothing more than sit in silence. Offering your calm and loving attention in the midst of a busy holiday season can be a gift for you, as well.

Wishing you many blessings this holiday season! Go to Patreon.com/eolu if you’d like to support this podcast and End-of-Life University. Tune in each Monday for a new episode and remember:

Face Your Fears. BE Ready. Love Your Life.

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Published by kwyattmd

Karen Wyatt MD is a family physician who has spent much of her 25 year medical career working with patients in challenging settings, such as hospice, nursing homes and indigent clinics. She is interested in a spiritual approach to medicine, illness, death and dying and is the author of two books. Check out her website at www.karenwyattmd.com
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Dr. Karen Wyatt, hospice physician and author of "What Really Matters," interviews experts on all aspects of the end-of-life, including: caring for the dying, funeral and burial practices, planning for the end-of-life, conscious dying, grief and loss, caregiver support, afterlife, death and the arts, and community initiatives to improve end-of-life care. Access more interviews at www.eoluniversity.com

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