kenyan politics

Alaskan Idiot: Obama Is Of ‘Mulatto Race,’ Thus Not Eligible For Presidency

Mr. Gordon Warren Epperly — of the PO Box 34358, Juneau, Alaska Epperlies — can expect a lengthy and almost certainly inappropriate phone call from pearlescent loony Orly Taitz, and maybe, too, an honorary DDS/JD she will print on discontinued “Certificate of Participation” cardstock from the Office Depot. What in blazes for, you may ask. It’s because Epperly is really pushing the envelope on goofball schemes to invalidate Kenyan interloper Barack Obama’s entire presidency/personhood, using our liberal activist court system, naturally. Whereas Dr. Orly Taitz, Esquire, settled for making up some nonsense about Obama not being born on real American soil to real American parents, Epperly is straight-up skipping that bit of politesse, to crow in the general direction of the Alaska State Division of Elections, “BUNK THAT! THAT PRESIDENT IS NOT WHITE, Y’ALL!!!”

Barack Hussein Obama II is not a “natural born Citizen” of the United States

As stated above, for an Individual to be a Candidate for the Office of President of the United States, the Candidate must meet the qualifications as set forth in the United States Constitution and one of those qualifications is that the Candidate shall be a “natural born Citizen” of the United States. As Barack Hussein Obama II is of the “Mulatto” race, his status of citizenship is founded upon the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Before the [purported] ratification of the Fourteenth Amendment, the race of “Negro” or “Mulatto” had no standing to be citizens of the United States under the United States Constitution. /1

As the Fourteenth Amendment is only a grant of “Civil Rights” and not a grant of “Political Rights,” Barack Hussein Obama II does not have any “Political Rights” under any provision of the United States Constitution to hold any Public Office of the United States government. Furthermore, there is considerable debate within the enclosed supporting documents that shows Barack Hussein Obama II was not born on the soil of the United States and that he was not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States at the time of his birth. If this is true, it would appear that Barack Hussein Obama II may not only be in want of having the status of being a “natural born Citizen,” but he may not even be a “citizen of the United States.” Being absent of proper status of Citizenship, Barack Hussein Obama II, nor his Delegates, have the qualifications to appear on the Election Ballots for the State of Alaska.

This goes on for ten pages, folks, which is about ten pages past our attention span. So help us out, would-be Orly Taitzes. Are the rest of the arguments in Epperly’s filing as totally impregnable as this one? More importantly, was the Fourteenth Amendment only purportedly ratified and how is this going to screw up the numbering on all the following amendments (if any of them are even valid)? [Turning Left]

From the passage of the 13th and 14th amendment Jim Crow laws were argued to be valid because those amendments did not address voting/political rights. This argument was be put forward by Dixiecrats in 1965 when the Voting Rights Act was being voted on in Congress.

BaldarTFlagass

I bet I know what the tailgate of this guy's pickup truck looks like.

Baconzgood

Can he do this? He's from Alaska and Alaska wasn't a state in 1789 when the constitution was ratified.

Check mate racist loon!

emmelemm

BAM!

Chichikovovich

In fact, it belonged to Russia, where the slaves were white! So I guess he'd better report to the market right away.

Dashboard Buddha

Too stupid to provide useful labor. I'm thinking Soylent Green.

Chichikovovich

Addendum: Aw crap. Alexander II freed the serfs in 1861, six years before Alaska was annexed by the US. If only he could have held off for a decade or so.

(But then, if a 100% American president's slave-freeing is no good, why should some vodka-swilling foreigner's be any better? Somebody should slap this guy in chains just in case. Pending the outcome of litigation. Which will surely be completed in 15-20 years, tops.)

It's still fairly early, I'm sure that the low-hanging fruit has a certain appeal at this time of day.

Toomush_Infer

It's just snobbery….

Swampgas_Man

All the "news" is about the Oscars and Angelina Jolie's legs today, so this snuck in by default.

SorosBot

The Constitution also refers to both the President and Vice President as "he" at several points. So in 2008 did this racist ass sue to get Palin off the ballot?

northernbassist

No. He decided to wait a couple of years and go after Lisa Murkowski in 2010, by claiming that, and I quote:

"–Lisa Murkowski is not qualified for the Office of U.S. Senator as she is not a citizen of the United States under Article I of the Constitution of the United States.

Enclosed is a "Proclamation" declaring the political privileges of candidates to hold public offices of the United States. The "Proclamation" shows that U.S. Congress has never made provisions in the U.S. Constitution for women or non-white citizens to hold public offices." http://tinyurl.com/7oc2ubc

I grew up in Juneau and this guy's name is familiar to me–that name was associated with stables, so perhaps the horseshit doesn't fall far from the horse's ass, or something.

Wow, way to be ahead of the curve with a trend that was 4 years too late. Next thing you know he'll be telling us that we should watch this show "Friends" and that Jennifer Aniston could be, you know, married to a big star.

BaldarTFlagass

"There's this really funny show about a bunch of Jews in New York you should check out, I think it's called "Steinberg" or something…"

prommie

Being of an older generation, I didn't have "Friends." In my day, we all wore onions on our belts and watched "Thirty-Something," which, believe it or not, was set in Philadelphia.

Chichikovovich

Ah, yes, Thirty-Something. When the my generation were little kids, the big kids said "Never trust anyone over thirty!" Then in our twenties we watched Thirty-Something and that same generation taught us why.

edgydrifter

By Epperly's own peculiar logic, nobody gets to hold any office or even vote, because Political Rights aren't mentioned at all in the Constitution.

Ramon X

Just what are political rights anyway?

"…my rights are all wrong."
John Prine

Joshua Norton

Ya know, it's become obvious that there's no bottom to the repig party. Every time you think they've hit it, you discover another subterranean level of crazy with an underground parking garage.

MaxNeanderthal

…and a wine cellar, entirely stocked with weasel piss…

CommieLibunatic

It's like a bad Minecraft map. You dig a little bit and discover a bottomless, labyrinthine pit of nightmares full of Creepers. And by "discover" I really mean "fall several meters into."

I never get my Wonkette time anymore because of Minecraft. Mr. Deelzebub is nerd enough to be on volunteer staff on a players' server, and when he isn't hogging my computer, he's got my second grader hooked on playing as well.

mrpuma2u

Win! I It's just a short matter of time before we find the cavern with the talking sleestak skulls of the elders.

freakishlywrong

Oh for fuck's sake.

WiscDad

For Christ's sake…when will this shit END?

CommieLibunatic

When the rocks melt in the sun, the seas boil dry, and the stars fall from the sky.

Did I slip and fall into 1850?? Isn't the hip, modern Klansman supposed to favor "subtle" racism these days? UNbelievable!!

CommieLibunatic

I forget who said it (Bill Maher?), but someone said these racists have actually grown up. They call O'Dawg all these different scary names because there's one they can't use just sticking in the back of their throat. It starts with "N," ends with "R," and is NOT "Nation Builder."

GOPCrusher

Oh that is so 2000. Today's hip Klansman go full tilt racist and then get shouty and ragey for someone pointing out their racism.

chicken_thief

Like Obama gives a fuck about being on the ballot in AK anyway. The handful of his supporters up there can easily write his name in. This sort of like my mom telling me that she isn't going to give me that $5 a week allowance that she gave me back in '71 anymore.

Toomush_Infer

Ummm, so what would you be willing to do then, Mister?…

chicken_thief

Focus on those states that could actually turn the tide – TX, MI, OH, PA, FL, NC, VA?

mayor_quimby

Elitist!!

CivicHoliday

I bet Orly got all hot and bothered when she heard about this. I sense wedding bells in the future.

Mahousu

OK, I read the whole thing. His main argument boils down to the fact that Dred Scott was never overturned. Seriously.

He also has the usual birther nonsense, and some stuff about how he doesn't like the certification of nomination that the DNC submitted in 2008, but the main argument is that Dred Scott was only partially voided by the 14th Amendment because, you know, black people.

Guppy

He got the idea from his annual filing against the IRS, claiming that Pollock v. Farmers' was "only partially voided."

freakishlywrong

History will record these times as the "Tard Ages".

redarmyzombie

Otherwise known as the Nimrodouchean Era.

pinkocommi

Mr. GW Epperly is that perfect presidential candidate the Republitards have been waiting for.

MaxNeanderthal

He'll be that very, very,white knight they are all fapping themselves into a froth over….

UW8316154

Epperly/Palin 2012

redarmyzombie

Epperly/Santorum.

Froth, remember…

SayItWithWookies

This idiot needs a few uncivil rights. And some lefts and uppercuts to boot.

Now we are getting down to the brass tacks objections of the Republicans. Let's watch to see what leaders refuse to throw Mr. Epperly under the bus. Any bus.

Joshua Norton

So basically, he's submitted a pleading that uses the plot of "Show Boat" as a legal citation.

James Michael Curley

My thoughts exactly.

MissTaken

Seriously, can someone explain the difference between "Civil Rights" and "Political Rights"?

I have a suspicion that according to this drippy dick juice that me being a vagina-carrier negates my right to vote (despite the purported ratification of the 19th Amendment).

prommie

Missy, your participation in the political process is limited to withholding the vagina from your man, if he does something you disagree with.

MissTaken

Figured as much, thanks for the clarification!

SorosBot

Now don't go giving her that kind of idea!

MissTaken

Well you did mention Vlad getting me hot and bothered which I fully disagree with, so….

SorosBot

Fine then, no thumbs up for you!

…nah I can't resist it; you still get one.

Chichikovovich

We talked about this a bit on a thread from this weekend. Basically, the distinction is one pulled out of the deepest, darkest regions of the plaintiff's ass. "The 14th amendment guarantees civil rights? AHA! So then it doesn't guarantee higgle-piggle rights, among which rights include running for president!"

Guppy

Even if that were true, both Hawaii and Illinois grant him citizenship. States' rights!!!11!111!!

Steverino247

Vagina-carrier?! For God's sakes woman, put that back where it belongs!

(And don't even THINK about trying to learn to sing from your diaphragm…)

Toomush_Infer

Well, considering that, as of Efferling's clarification, your perceived rights would actually be due to the newly reassigned 18th amendment – get your ass back in the kitchen….and take those shoes off!…

x111e7thst

The 14th was in any event only 3/4ths of an Amendment.

ttommyunger

"Alaskan Idiot", but then I repeat myself… My compliments to Samuel Clemens.

WiscDad

He missed some aliases…Barry O, BO, Mr President

Goonemeritus

Oh here it comes one guy in Alaska makes an interesting historical observation and everyone just assumes he’s a racist.

WinterOuthouse

When did Obama announce his "Negro status"? I always thought he was a white guy with a great tan. Who coulda predicted that???? Things change so fast

We live in an era when any ignorant cracker with an AOL connection can half-cloak their ignorance in a bunch of words and concepts they don't quite understand, but sound really smart to ignorant crackers.

GOPCrusher

I think this proves he's not a racist dipshit. He's just a dipshit. An equal opportunity dipshit.

I think the 14th amendment was only purportedly ratified due to the fact that Ohio was not a state at the time it was ratified. So, you know, we gots to roll back everyone's civil rights on a technicality.

elburritodeluxe

This jerk doesn't even have the birther nomenclature right. By (natural) law all birther suits must refer to him as Barry Soetero.

Which I read, and I think according to the law that I am actually a boat or something like that. Should I check myself for barnacles???

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

I_P

"Are the rest of the arguments in Epperly’s filing as totally impregnable as this one?"

I think you meant "impenatrable."

Schmegeg

Dear Gordon:
Fuck You

fuflans

that sticky note thing is stupid.

Loaded_Pants

The Interwebby linky thingies, how do they work?
–Sarah Palin

lulzmonger

Fucktards gonna fucktard.

a_pink_poodle

Still isn't about race lalalalala!

MinAgain

Mulatto is not a race. It's a tasty sandwich you can buy in New Orleans.

Or is that a muffaletta?

DahBoner

In Italy, can a mullato eat gellato?

Wonderthing

I ain't even gonna waste snark on this stain.

Biel_ze_Bubba

The problem with Alaska is that there's not enough quality DNA to go around.

chascates

My Computer Mouse wants nothing to do with your 'hidden' Internet Links and surmises you have cabin fever from living in Bum Fuck, Alaska for far too long.

And he's originally from Anchorage!

Catabite

I'm sorry, I read "mulatto", and now all I can think of is the song "Mulatto Butts" from "Archer". Actually, I think I'm going to go watch the third season and drink, because it's better than beating my head against the table.