Brad Pitt’s fragrant fontrum

I never would have thought I’d put Brad Pitt and Fontrum in the same sentence though I suppose before the Oscars, I never would have thought I’d put Angelina and Try in the same sentence either but then she stuck her leg out and became a punchline and now it seems like it’s his turn.

There’s probably a Tumblr parody for this already.

Have you seen it yet? Brad Pitt’s highly anticipated ad for Chanel No5? Watch, then meet up with me after the video.

Pretentious arty sh-t, yes.

And so f-cking embarrassing.

I am embarrassed for him.

I am embarrassed that he’s looking off into the distance and talking about… THE WORLD TURNING AND WE TURN WITH IT….

Why is Brad Pitt gazing out to the nether-yond like all fake-pensive?

Why can’t he close his mouth?

Why couldn’t he have just said to camera “the renovations on my French chateau, Miraval, are really expensive” and let it go at that?

I would have preferred that.

I would have preferred the straight up money grab instead of this -- a lame attempt at profundity…over PERFUME.

This is so shockingly off-brand, I almost don’t understand how he could have agreed to it except I do. I do because Brad Pitt would have had the power to kill if it he had wanted to kill it. And the reason he didn’t kill it is because this is what he has in common with James Franco - an “artist’s sensibility” is what he’d call it; an “artist full of eye-roll” is what we’d call it. This is his definition of high concept. This is our definition of his sh-t to Jennifer Aniston’s Smartwater diarrhoea... to say nothing of the weird timing of it all.

Just the other day, Pitt was in LA promoting the documentary The House I Live In, crusading for change in the war against drugs. So on one hand he’s speaking articulately in service of an important cause - click here to read - and on the other he’s staring off at the moon and stars, delivering a soliloquy to a fragrance. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have left it at this.