Thursday, November 20, 2008

For years now I've been floating around the Blogosphere half displayed from crown to chin. And I've gotta tell ya, I have a splitting headache.

I crack myself up.

I've procrastinated doing the "100 Things Meme" because well....it's just a bit self-indulgent. I mean, who has time to read one hundred titillating facts about me? Can I even FIND 100 interesting facts about me - weird nuances, yes - but interesting is a stretch. Since I am divisible by two in the truest sense of the word and I'm only whole when I look in the mirror, I think it's totally acceptable that I stop at 50 percent. Let's jump right past "I was born in a log cabin before electricity and running water" and on to the good stuff. There is no rhyme or reason to the order. Most of it is true (except for the elephants).

Queen Mimi's 100 50 Fascinating Scandalous Things Meme

1. I was born in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere and had to walk 6 miles to school everyday in the snow uphill both ways. Actually, "the middle of nowhere" part is correct. I rode the big yellow bus to school and hated every minute of it. Always the first to get on in the morning and the last to get off because we lived in the middle of nowhere! My parents still live Nowhere.

2. I am the oldest of four children. 3. Good grief. This is boring already.

4. When I was ten my two younger brothers sold me to the circus down the street where I learned to walk on my hands and ride elephants. They were really sorry about that later when the elephants got me to school faster than that damn yellow bus. (I said damn. Oh the scandal. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)4. At the age of twelve I defected from the Methodist Church and ran away to join a Baptist mission to play the piano - on my own. It was my religious experimentation phase. My mother was not amused. I spent the next ten years trying to get out of the Baptist prisonchurch and learn to dress like a normal woman. This was about the same time I received the hallowed left foot of fellowship. 5. I worked in tobacco in the summer as a kid to earn extra money. My relatives owned tobacco farms everywhere I looked! It all ended the summer they let me drive the tractor and I ran over my uncle's foot. Of course I did it on purpose! They wouldn't let me wear my pencil skirt in the field.6. I wrote my first poem when I was seven and my first "novel" when I was twelve. The poem was good. The title of my book however, was unpublishable, unprintable and had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It was banned when I titled it after a pornographic phrase I'd heard in a movie; except I didn't know it was scandalous because I was twelve. When my mother discovered it she sent me back to the Baptist church for more hellfire sermons. 7. My Granny lived next door and could "talk fire" out of people when they were burned. She would mumble something in your hand and breathe on it. I never understood this because I only heard Baptist people talk about fire and she wasn't Baptist.

8. I took eight years of piano and later earned a classical voice degree.I was known as a "Mozart singer" and performed in operas and recitals. My favorite composer is Mahler but my passion is McLachlan and anything rock 'n roll.I repeat....Mimi is going to hell.9. My first boyfriend's name was Robert in the 6th grade. I loved his brains and his father was the principal of our school. I never got in trouble. It taught me to date men with powerful fathers. Saves time and keeps my pencil skirt out of trouble.

10. I got my first kiss in the 6th grade playing Spin-The-Bottle at a party. The parents were home so the game was in the downstairs closet. His name was Scott. (Sorry, Robert)

11. I got my second kiss playing Spin-The-Bottle at the same party. (Sorry, Scott)

12. I made a lot of new friends that year in the 6th grade. I met most of them in the closet.

13. I was named after my father who wanted a boy. Instead he got a pencil skirt. My sister was named after a character on a soap opera It was a secret. Until now.

14. I am a Sagittarius.15. I've never been arrested.16. I've never had a one-night stand. (Does the closet count?)

17. I did get a speeding ticket once but I was only going 20 miles over the limit. And I could have avoided the two spankings I got in the first grade if I'd met Robert (and his father) earlier.Oh the scandal in my little nowhere town. I got whacked for fussing over the red pillow at nap time. Whacked again for singing at nap time. Then became a musician. Just for spite.

18. I slept on the top bunk in a room I shared with my little sister. I was so skinny that I fell through the rails and onto the floor below. It was a moment. And it left a scar. Ouch.

19. My pet parakeet's name was Pogo. My mother liked him because she knew he would tell on us.

He died one Sunday afternoon when I set him out on the porch to get some sun.I forgot to throw in some SPF lotion.

If only I'd taught him to knock.

20. I married my high school sweetheart on Friday the 13th and divorced him 26 years later.

21. No, I didn't meet him in the closet.

22. Numbers 18, 19 and the infamous wedding sent me running into therapy . I could have saved a lot of money and heartache if I'd divorced him on Saturday the 14th.My new passion is numerology.

23. I believe in God.

24. I believe in love at first blog.25. I believe in Peace Globes

26. I believe I am halfway through this meme.27. I am addicted to blogging. The first thing I would grab in a fire is my laptop - and my hairbrush.28. I am single with a capital S.

29. I sang on a TV show twice.

30. As my life and love life changed, so did the original answer to #30 (which I deleted). When I get a love life again I'll come back to replace it. The times they are a changin'.....

33. In my lifetime I have worked as a grocery cashier, private piano and voice instructor, professional musician, proofreader, editor, wedding singer, waitress,Account Executive for a hotel chain, funeral musician, newspaper columnist, payroll clerk in a pimiento cheese factory, nursery school worker (the three longest weeks of my life), beauty pageant judge, data processor, drama coach and theater director. I am hopelessly enthralled in the process of life-long learning. I was the worst waitress on the planet.

40. Five things to do before I die: Make love in the rain, see Prince in concert, repeat the first one at least twice and return the grocery cart.41. I dropped out of my high school beauty pageant because they wanted me to wear Daisy Duke shortsand dance to country music. I think not.

43.Music can transport me to a higher place. (except steel guitars. Now that's just sad).

44. I talk in my sleep, sing in my sleep, walk and talk and sing in my sleep.

I don't get much sleep.

45. But I don't curse in my sleep. Unless I stump my toe and break a nail.

46. When I was twelve I went to 4-H camp. I sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in my daisy dukes and learned about energy conservation, how not to bake a cake and boys. Twelve was a very good year.

47. When I was twelve I went to music camp at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I played "Love Story" on the piano in my pencil skirt, learned about Rachmaninoff, how to sneak in a dorm room and boys. Twelve was a very good year.

48. My roommate accidentally set the trashcan on fire in Granville Towers at UNC. I tried to put it out with my pencil skirt but there wasn't enough material and I lost half my wardrobe. I learned about fire escapes, curfews and how not to get invited back to music camp. Twelve was a very good year.49. I once slept with a possum.

If daycare providers made the $ they deserve, I'd be working in a daycare again in a heartbeat! That was the best job I ever had.You can't have been the worst waitress on the planet! I was! The only good thing about that stint was meeting Poor Hubby.Mmmm...thunderstorms. Oh, Mimi, you're one of the folks that gets my teeth to grinding in a grocery parking lot?I've done the 1st #40 item. One of the sweetest moments with Former Fiancee. *sigh* Thanks for the memory.The Daisy Dukes? I had a really cute pair. Dancing to country? Can't blame you.I'm so jealous of all of the musical stuff you got to do...Can't wait 'til next installment!

I wore pencil skirt and stiletto heels in the sixties.Worst thing was the skirts tended to rip open in the back seam.My Mom, queen of high morals, had the pleasure of daily work, repairing my skirts.Have you ever tried bicycling to school in a pencil skirt?If not, you some interesting experiments ahead of you.

No wonder I like you so much! I LOVE everything about Sarah MacLachlan. (But I'll overlook the Streisand comment.) I LOVE to exercise. I also play all kinds of music, and am way jealous of your camp at UNC, as the Chapel Hill campus is my favorite university in the country. I tried to get my kids to go there. And, I LOVE daisy dukes!

I so agree you shouldn't have to pump your own gas. You're a Queen for god's sake!

Good job with these, Mims. I just finished reading another blogger's 100. I can't even think of doing it. I'm calling on my "Get our of the Dungeon Free" card. And don't tell me there's "fine print." I looked closely. Nuh-uh!