A journey to rediscovery

It’s OK Not to be OK…

I came across this quote in an article I recently read and it is everything! Anytime a tragedy happens to you or anyone you know, everyone is quick to say, “Everything happens for a reason!” I’ve said it and can almost bet money anyone reading this right now has said it as well.

Sometimes there’s not a reason though…sometimes terrible things happen to good people for absolutely no reason at all!!! Telling a hurting soul that they are hurting for a certain reason, kind of sounds a bit sacrilegious to me now that I think about it…what possible reason could there be for a child to lose their parents, for a woman to be taken advantage of and raped, for a child to feel so alone and depressed that they take their own life before they even have a chance to live it, or for any parent to have to bury their baby, no matter that baby’s age… and on that subject, a stillborn child was still someone’s child, even if they never had the chance to take their first breath!!! I know I loved both of my boys the moment I found out they were growing inside me…so to tell a woman that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal and to just get over it because the baby never actually was “alive” is the same in my eyes as you telling someone to get over the fact that their husband/wife/mother/whoever just died in a car accident, and in my opinion is one of the utmost ignorant things anyone could possibly say!

I have recently had several people in my life pass…my “uncle” Dean, who wasn’t actually my uncle but I loved him like he was from the moment I met him as a little girl…my granny Staggs, who was my great-grandmother that I was always a little scared of growing up but I loved her nonetheless…my good friend PawPaw, who wasn’t actually a PawPaw to me but became a very important part of my life the past 3 years I had the honor of knowing him…and also my sweet niece Sophia, who was only a few short weeks away from being born into this crazy world, and I’ve loved her since the moment my sister announced her pregnancy.

Each of these people made an impact in my life and were loved by me very fiercely… I believe that if you are going to love, it should be an undoubted, fierce and lasting love, regardless of who you have known longer or who you’ve spent more time with. Sadly, I never got the chance to tell any of these amazing people goodbye, or to make sure they knew how much I loved them and to this very day, I still have a hole in my heart from each of their losses.

None of those people deserved to die… there is no reason anyone on this planet could tell me, that would be a justifiable reason that they are gone. Shitty things just happen, more and more frequently these days. And you know what??? There is absolutely nothing wrong with me for being upset about it for as long as I need.

I know that everything is magnified and more intense, immediately after something tragic happens, and as time goes on, most people around you will forget about what you’ve lost and how broken your heart was and always will be. So when I’m sitting in a conference call at work, and suddenly I get a sense of overwhelming sadness and begin to cry, because it literally hurts my heart thinking of how much I miss them or regret the things I’ve said or never had the chance to say, people think I’m being dramatic or that I’m too sensitive and emotional. People like that, don’t deserve any place in your life.

I feel like I do a fairly good job of hiding my emotions, but no one and I mean absolutely NO ONE, is strong all the time. Everyone has moments of weakness and some things hurt more than others at any point in time!

I guess I am writing all of this to say grieving is necessary to be able to live your life in as normal a fashion you can. If crying yourself to sleep every night is how you cope, go for it! If you are someone who has to talk about your grief to whoever will listen, by all means, do it! If you are the type of person who channels all of their hurt into a hobby or work, there isn’t a thing wrong with that either! Grieving is personal and never ends, no matter what you’ve been told.. you will always have that hurt in your life, you just have to learn how to live with it and not let it destroy you.

“Some things in life cannot be fixed, they can only be carried.”

Next time you think you are comforting someone, or helping them through their grief, rethink what you say to them or better yet, just simply be there because those are the people who have made the most impact in my life, without having to say a single word.