I wandered into the familiar stone hallway of a dear friend’s club. I was again struck by the tall ceilings and strong architectural features of the club. Unlike many of the clubs I’ve visited, there is no eye blinding laser show, dim lighting nor the typical barrage of gestures. Instead, a provocative red head stands waiting our scheduled interview.

In an attempt to get a better feel for the vastly different ways people spent their time in Second Life, I’ve begun a series of articles interviewing people about their jobs. Some people I’ve sought out are well known in their field, others are friendly people I’ve met in my travels through our digital landscape. Not every person in the same career has the same job, and not every person approaches their career in the same way. Think of this series of articles as vignettes, designed to open your eyes to the world of one of the many people who also wander in our shared pixelated world. Our first vignette begins a I clear my throat and puts on my official reporting hat.

hanging out with LadyDeath Rockswood

Mel: "LadyDeath, what drew you to club managing?" LadyDeath: I have managed RL restaurants before, so when the opportunity presented itself to apply my experience into SL I jumped on it.

Mel: How does managing in SL compare to managing in RL? LadyDeath: So far, the main difference is scheduling, in that I don’t make schedules on SL, so many of our employees have jobs and other RL obligations and can’t commit to a set schedule in SL.

Mel: What skills have you learned in RL managing that you’ve been able to apply to SL managing? LadyDeath: Conflict resolution, advertising, working hard to give customers what they want so they return and thinking outside the box.

Mel: Speaking of advertisement, sell me on Surrender to Tranquility, what makes your club worth a visit? LadyDeath: Surrender to Tranquility has a one of a kind concept. We are a BDSM (Male Dom) club that permits no sex, no nudity and no pressure to present yourself in the stereotypical BDSM way. We welcome everyone from those that are merely curious about BDSM to those that are fully immersed in the culture.

Mel: Can you explain to my readers what one might expect from non sexual submission either receiving it or giving it? LadyDeath: As far as receiving it, they can expect to be respected, and treated the way men should be treated. As far as giving it, there is the pleasure of making the Dom happy, knowing that in kneeling, massaging, dancing with him, or just having a quiet conversation, you have given him the gift of pleasure and happiness. I know for me personally, the act of nonsexual submission to a Dom is a wonderful feeling; hoping that he leaves here feeling better than when he joined us, and that his wishes were fulfilled to the best of my ability.

Mel: This is a bit off the topic of club managing, but since we’ve wandered in controversial waters, I’ve heard it suggested that in giving their submission a person degrades his or herself and that typically people with low self-esteem are drawn to this behavior, what are your thoughts on this topic? LadyDeath: I would think that a person who holds this belief hasn’t taken the time to get to know submissive women. It takes a strong person to give herself over to the control of one person. Without strength, honesty and complete trust, a submissive would not be able to be happy in her chosen lifestyle. A weak person with no self esteem, would be someone open to abusive relationships regardless of the lifestyle, BDSM or a more traditional relationship. A submissive needs the strength of will to complete the tasks her Dom puts before her, the choices he makes for her, or accept the punishments for inaction. A weak submissive would also rob a Dom of his ability to be a good Dom, in that, she would not have the strength of mind or personality to provide the much needed feedback to her Dom about her feelings, insecurity, or ideas about the various topics that emerge in their relationship.

Mel: Thank you for those eloquent thoughts on what is often a hotly debated topic. Okay to get us back on to the topic of the profession of club managing, what are your responsibilities as a club manager? LadyDeath: My responsibilities include things like advertising, setting up events, keeping employees happy and safe, including feeling their work environment is safe. I’m also responsible for payroll and hiring new quality subs, and finding new and interesting things to help draw and keep people in the club

Mel: I think many of my readers have been interviewed, but I’m fewer of them have been on the interviewing side, can you enlighten my about what it is you are looking for when you interview a potential employee. LadyDeath: Usually, I want to make sure that the girl I am interviewing is truly interested in being submissive, or has been for some time. I want to make sure that being a submissive makes her happy and find out why it makes her happy to be so.

Mel: What advice would you have for someone who is looking to be a club manager? LadyDeath: Work in the club for a while before attempting to become the manager. In that time make sure the club is a place that you would enjoy working in and that the responsibilities in this place are ones you would like to have. Also, look at ways to improve on what the owner has started. Be sure get to know the people you work with and be open to their ideas.

Mel: What qualities do you think a good club manager needs to have? LadyDeath: A club manager, or manager of any type of business for that matter, needs to be a strong person, that can make hard decisions even if others don’t agree with them. They need to remember that their decisions will affect the people around them and the success of their decisions will be impacted in a large part by the people that work under them. Finally they also need the ability to think out of the box and be able to solve problems creatively.

Mel: What’s the most challenging problem you’ve encountered thus far as a club manager? LadyDeath: Figuring out how do revamp the pay system, and keep girls working even when its a bit dull. Also, getting new Doms here and figuring out what they want to pay/tip for, since without income, there is no way a club can survive.

Mel: What do you think is the most creative solution you’ve been able to implement? LadyDeath: The new wage system. as far as I know we are the only club in SL that will have one like it

Mel: Care to share some details or is it a proprietary system? LadyDeath: I think for now I should keep that to myself.

Mel: Do you have a tip that is sharable? LadyDeath: A big thing I am doing now is researching clubs that have lasted for years, finding what has worked for them, and what hasn’t. From there I try to adapt those solutions to fit the uniqueness of Surrender to Tranquility.

Mel: That seems smart. Are other clubs mostly helpful in this endeavor? LadyDeath: That depends on the club for the most part, a lot of who I talk to are staff of those clubs.

Mel: Having been both an entry level employee and now a club manager, what advice do you have for a disgruntled club employee about speaking to their club manager? LadyDeath: Well, before talking to anyone, she should take a step back and look at the situation calmly, making sure that how she reacted was appropriate. Though understandably, it is difficult to emotionally remove yourself from a situation at times. When you come to the manager, explain things calmly, and in a matter of fact manner. It’s very difficult to understand another if too many emotions cloud up the mind, and can cause regrets and misunderstandings

Mel: LadyDeath, thank you very much for sharing your time and thoughts with me. I wish you and Surrender to Tranquility much success.

“As far as giving it, there is the pleasure of making the Dom happy, knowing that in kneeling, massaging, dancing with him, or just having a quiet conversation, you have given him the gift of pleasure and happiness.”

So this is basically a form of Hostess Bar? The man comes in and the nice lady talks to him and makes him feel good, like she’s there to fulfill his every need?

“and treated the way men should be treated.”

Ohhhh, I get it now. The men go there to get punched in the neck.

(And before someone starts, this last bit is a joke, okay? 8D)

@Mel

“Finally, the lazy kitty Slurl to Surrender to Tranquilty”

/me swishes her tail and grins

Inniatzo

Mar 12th, 2010

A good interview. I’m not that big on clubs but this seems like an interesting place to check out.

marilyn murphy

Mar 13th, 2010

hi meleth.
i think you are a good writer and you had a good idea. i see that you are struggling a bit to come up with females who have done well in sl without purveying sexual products, or their own avatars.
i am going to list a few here that would open your eyes to the large world of female entrepreneurs in sl. in no certain order they are:
baccara rhodes…….palomma casanova…mistress midnight….misty rhodes….surreal farber…..ferran brodsky….pendari lorentz….kris ritter.

I really would like to hear an answer to my question about the status of the subs at this place, and the dynamic of their relationship to male customers. If the subs really are just “working girls,” it entirely negates the “classic” justification of D/s relationships, and really does, to my way of thinking, turn this into nothing more than a pay-per-view exercise in misogyny.

@Marilyn. I think profiles on female entrepreneurs is a good idea, but I very much hope that this series will cover a broader and more diverse range of women than that. Artists and creators, mentors, activists . . . there is such a wide choice available of people.

Inniatzo

Mar 13th, 2010

@chav and @sylauxe

ah yes, no article like this can be posted without such hilarious and witty banter from people who recycle the same tired joke over and over. sigh. yes, you don’t like it, we get it.

@Scylla

since you seem to think all men who like D/s are misogynistic and all women are brainwashed it’s not surprising you find this pay-per-view misogyny.

and yes, you would like to see lots of interviews with people as long as they don’t have anything to do with things you don’t like, fine, we get that too.

Inniatzo, if you would care to actually READ my last comment, you will note that I suggest that what might potentially turn this into an exercise in misogyny is the fact that the relationship between the D/s is not (I am supposing, until told differently) a proper power exchange, but rather a commercial transaction.

Disagree with me if you like, by all means, but try not to do so in such a reductive and dismissive way. I fully appreciate how complex true D/s relationships can be. This one strikes me as possibly problematic, which is why I have asked for a clarification.

If you can see a blanket condemnation of all D/s relationships in my comments here, you are seeing much more than I thought I had put into it.

Casual Observer

Mar 13th, 2010

Personally, I haven’t seen that blanket condemnation of all D/s relationships in these comments.

But I have seen it elsewhere on this very blog. Just noting.

I could be unintentional but a bit more clarity in your comments would help fix that.

Chav

Mar 13th, 2010

“all men who like D/s are misogynistic ”

What are they then? Seriously, I don’t see what else they could be if they get off on women humiliating themselves for their pleasure. Like Goreans who seem to believe whole-heartedly in human slavery, do they just switch off the dodgy views when they log out? I really want to know here.

marilyn murphy

Mar 13th, 2010

well, they are entrepreneurs yes, but aimee and ferran are are amazing artists, surreal and pendari and palomma and mistress are fashion classics, and kris ritter and misty rhodes do everything imaginable and baccara rhodes was the social atmosphere in sl at one time. i can name many more. yes you can lump them under the label of entrepreneur because they turned their knowledge and talent into enterprise, but this is a diverse group, no two alike and no two doing the same thing.

Inniatzo

Mar 13th, 2010

@chav

“Like Goreans who seem to believe whole-heartedly in human slavery, do they just switch off the dodgy views when they log out?”

for the first part of that sentence: they don’t

for the second: of course they do

it’s called role play, perhaps you should look it up in wikipedia. The ones who go too far and mix ic and ooc (this can be a problem, but not nearly as much as you no doubt think) are griefers who like to mess with people no matter the setting.

If you don’t like bondage or D/s or gor , that’s fine, there are certainly plenty of sexually related things i don’t like, but the people who do like these things are not idiots.

And, though this needs to be mentioned over and over, the women who enjoy this type of *role play* are not there because they want to be there.

@ Scylla

your original comment said that this must be pay-per-view misogyny, which again – at least the way i see it – ignores the fact that the women are there because they want to be there. perhaps they are being paid by tips but it’s not as if these are vast sums of money, 1000 lindens is about 4 dollars, no one is degrading themselves because they need the money to survive.

many people – i’d say most people if not almost everyone – have some sexual fantasies about things which are unacceptable in rl, and this of course includes men and women. sl can be a means of expressing these fantasies, but doing so is not any more dangerous than reading an erotic story (or writing one for that matter). if bondage and D/s doesn’t appeal to someone then it just doesn’t, and there is nothing wrong with that, but, again, the men and women who do D/s are not a bunch of idiots who just need to understand how foolish they are so they can be saved.

Point taken. I wasn’t so much doubting or ignoring the fact that the women that you mention might also be creative, artistic, etc., as addressing more directly your offer to help find “female entrepreneurs in sl.”

@Inniatzo

The first part of your response to me at least addresses my own query, and makes a worthwhile point. I will agree with you to some degree, but I still contend that interaction with (for want of a better word) a “professional” (i.e., paid) submissive is the same as the kind of mutual power-sharing arrangement made between a Dom and a sub in a more purist D/s relationship. I was not addressing the question of “consent” or necessity, but rather how that relationship is affected when the sub is being paid (however little) for being submissive.

The second part of your response is more questionable. I should like to see some support for your contention that “most people if not almost everyone – have some sexual fantasies about things which are unacceptable in rl,” as well as some more detail about what you mean by “unacceptable.” I would also question, at least potentially, your suggestion that role playing has no impacts beyond the fact that it needn’t lead to physical danger.

Finally, I await with interest your production of a quotation from me, here or anywhere, that shows or implies that I believe that “the men and women who do D/s are . . . a bunch of idiots who just need to understand how foolish they are so they can be saved.” This is, once again, a highly reductive and distorting representation of my views and ideas on the subject.

Inniatzo

Mar 14th, 2010

the second paragraph of my response under the @Scylla was meant as a general statement and not one aimed at you, i should have made that clear and i do apologize for not doing so

Being a curious kitteh, I decided to fuel up on coffee and go take a look for myself (on the pretext of seeing if they had any fresh laundry to curl up on).

Hmm.

@LadyDeath

” We are a BDSM (Male Dom) club that permits no sex, no nudity and no pressure to present yourself in the stereotypical BDSM way.”

So how do we explain the imagery and quotes on the walls from the Marquis deSade, the isolation cage thing in the corner of the club, the two fully-equipped dungeons with Gorean sexbeds, Kajirean cross things, the spanking chairs in the club itself? Also, I couldn’t find a notecard giver with the club rules saying no sex etc. But there’s no question that this is just a standard BDSM club that’s been given a nice layer over the top. Even the dungeons were clean and tidy. I thought from the details of the interview that it was more along the lines of a hosutesu bar such as found in Japan but it doesn’t seem to be quite that simple.

@Scylla Rhiadra

“I’m a bit confused about one thing, though: are all the female subs here club employees? So, this is essentially a “gentleman’s club” where men can come to interact with (paid) submissives?”

That was one of the things I wanted to find out when I visited (I’m actually still there as I type this). Unfortunately the applications form notecard giver is broken (heads up club owner person!) which is a shame because it might have explained. That and the lack of a general club rules notecard made it difficult to get further information. I tried though

I’ve got no issue with this by the way, each to their own. And of course this was an interview with a person rather than a review of a club. I just thought it was worth adding some detail though.

Ooh, someone just arrived at the club. I shall talk to them 8D

Chav

Mar 14th, 2010

“for the first part of that sentence: they don’t”

Then they do a very good job of pretending even in OOC settings.

“it’s called role play, perhaps you should look it up in wikipedia. ”

Go fuck yourself

I am one of those who don’t believe that acting out fantasy with others has no consequences. Fantasy affects reality even if we don’t want it to. SL being full of misogyny and slavery is affecting people out there by saying that yes women really do want to be submissive and beaten, and slavery is really quite nice.

But there is no point talking to an apologist, so I shall be off now.

zazamel

Mar 14th, 2010

Hey glad to see this kind of work, unlike the typical second life bashing you tend to publish. Need more positive pieces like this one.

ok bye

Inniatzo

Mar 14th, 2010

@chav

ah more wit and erudition! (Feel free to look up any of those words if you need to. I’ll wait.)

You know, chav, I actually agree with you when you say about those “Goreans who seem to believe whole-heartedly in human slavery” that they do “a very good job of pretending even in OOC settings.”

Certainly some of them do and carry aspects of that, mainly kneeling, outside of Gorean sims. Note the key word you used is “pretending.” That’s right: *pretending* as in role play. that’s a long way from your original contention that they believe in slavery in rl.

You also say, “I am one of those who don’t believe that acting out fantasy with others has no consequences.” I agree with this as well – and I don’t mean that to be sarcastic. Any sort of intense interaction between people, no matter what the medium, can lead to emotional connections which may or may not last, and those feeling whether good or bad are very real. so, yes, good rp does effect one’s rl.

but what you are doing chav is assuming that the people who rp in Gor or any sort of D/s are so stupid they can’t separate the pretend from the real. Consider, there aren’t hordes of people playing WoW who make their own battleax and start hacking away in rl are there? so why should it be any different with sexual fantasys in sl? those in gorean sims do *not* log off and then start running around thinking that is what women want in rl.

i will tell you though there are many women who like these sort of fantasies. in a typical gorean sim there are more women than men. no one wants to be a slave in rl, but this isn’t rl, it’s pretend. those who make these blanket denunciations often forget that little detail, there are men and women in this role play.

so yes, chav, i am an apologist in the classical sense, that is one who provides reasons for supporting a given position.

Marquis de Lysol

Mar 15th, 2010

“Even the dungeons were clean and tidy.”

Of course they MUST be! Aren’t all Doms control freaks?

OCD Doms unite! Get those subbies to clean up that mess!

LadyDeath Rookswood

Mar 18th, 2010

Interesting questions all over the board here. Not all girls that come here are paid, the paid staff is actually very small when looking at overall club membership. Many “Staff” members work for tips along, which are not much. I have yet to see a 1000L tip. There are many girls who come to ST looking for a Dom, or just a way to have fun in the lifestyle they enjoy. The no Sex, no nudity rule is there for several reasons, it allows owned subs a place to go where they can have fun, with another Dom, but not break the rules set in place by her Master. A huge difference between ST and other clubs is the lack of Domme’s and male subs, and the lack of sex IN the club.

Staff is there for several reasons, you could call them primarily “hostesses” if you will, but they also make sure that subs that wonder in are not being taken advantage of, educate people about the D/s lifestyle/RP, and to keep conversation going. The dungeons are there, but staff is not required to go there. They are mainly for couples that don’t rent their own place, or would like to experiment with different equipment.

As far as the separation between D/s RL and SL, think about things like…. Furries, be it bipeds or quadrupeds…. or the Avatar sims, or the strange space station I heard about but am afraid to visit. Heck, there are Rape sims, RLV “playgrounds”, Harry Potter sims, Star Treck sims, etc. All sorts of things to in SL to do, but I have yet to see little blue furry people running around in RL. There is a difference. While some MIGHT practice D/s IRL, Many do not. Who am I to judge another persons fantasies?