Just another blog on the web. One of the reason I started a blog was to in some sort of way document my journey in life and to remind myself of all that I have gone through to get to where I am today. Apart from that I also want to take this experience and learn and grow and be a better person overall. CHANGE I AM !!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

It was such a difficult decision for me yesterday but finally after so long I had to bite the bullet and let go of you. It was time I moved on with my life and at the same time for you to get someone who will take care and appreciate you and let you enjoy the freedom you need instead of just sitting there waiting and hoping for me to one day bring you out and enjoy the time that we once had together.

When I first made the decision to have you in my life, I was also just as afraid and torn in between. I was afraid of the level of commitment I would have to give and at the same time if I had what it takes to make you proud of me so that I wouldn't let you down.

Though you were not ready to be shown to the world when I first got you but with enough time and patience you were finally ready. It took some effort and financially it drained me out but it was all well worth it.

The first time I brought you home to meet my parents they were in shock. They still couldn't believe I would do such a thing but little do they know the amount of fun we will be having. Fun that only I will know and appreciate.

The first time I took you out to show you to my friends I was also just as nervous. I tried my best to not let you down but somehow things didn't go as planned and I left dissapointed and humiliated but at the same time determined to practise more until I was ready once again to bring you out.

After some changes you were once again finally ready. This time around we went for a proper course and I was thought the basics of what I should do and should not do. Before long we were in harmony. Even though there were some mistakes but I could understand and feel what you were telling me. So this was what all the excitement was about. Now I truly understand. Before I got you in my hands, I was skeptical as to the whole hoohaa but now that I've felt the rush I just want more.

There was a point when you were at your best and I was trying to keep up with you. It was difficult at times and even scary in fact. They way you taunt me and push me to the limits was way different than any other. I had to forget about my past and what I've learned and known so far and relearn and adjust myself to this new feeling, this new sensation and tingle that runs through my veins, through my bones to the very heart of my soul. Learning to counter everything you threw at me. Learning when to let go of you and when to pull you back. Learning to gently coax you to do the almost impossible.

Everytime I held you in my hands I could feel the adrenaline rush. Everytime I pushed you, it's as though you asked back is that all you got boy ?? It was such a mixed feeling that left me speechless. I even took you down to the track where I thought you wouldn't enjoy it but boy did you prove me otherwise. Not only did you manage to show everyone what you were made of but you showed me the fun I've never felt before with my previous love. I will always remember the feeling and even now as I type this I could feel my fingers trembling with joy as my heart rate rises.

Time went by and I found another. Even though the feeling and excitement is totally different but I had to neglect you because time didn't permit me to enjoy and spend time with you. Furthermore going out with you required a whole lotsa cash and cash was something I was short of since I started going back to college.

Fast forward a year and after many months of thinking I finally took the courage to make the decision to let you go. It was no easy task but I knew that you will just be left in a corner not enjoying doing what you were meant to do. I still took you out once in a while and everytime I pushed you further, I could feel you patrionising me. We've been through many ups and downs and I will treasure the memories we had together. You shall always be remembered and I hope you have fun and are well taken care of.

Till we meet again here's wishing you the best in all your future endeavours ... I will post some pictures of us together soon so that I can always come back here whenever I think of you, as I walk down memory lane wishing I could once again feel what I have felt once before.