Category: Narcissistic Abuse

Listen to the video and how the wife beater make excuses. He plays the cat and mouse game. He admits that he did wrong, then does not and makes excuses.

The video shot by his son shows that he threw his wife to the ground. Yet he states that he just wanted to give her a hug. He would not admit throwing her to the ground. Shoots back with a question: “Did I throw her to the ground?”.

He tries to shift the blame to the victim by saying that he does not know what his wife has said. Yet the video clearly shows him throwing his wife to the ground.

He thinks that there is no difference between saying that he repeatedly punched his wife in the head and giving her “taps”. He says that gave his wife “a couple oftaps in the bathroom“. Changes the situation to be the fault of the wife.

He was asked if he believes that he was a “Monster”. He comes back saying that no he is not. A Malignant Narcissist will not admit that they did anything wrong. He says that he just “tapped” his wife, yet there is photo in the video of his wife with two black eyes. One must assume that to him it was OK to just “tap” his wife and that it was his wife’s fault that she ended up with two black eyes.

IMHO you cannot heal or change a Malignant Narcissist. IMHO, the best protection is to Go No Contact and work with the local Police and the Legal Courts.

Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding) is said to keep those being abused, in the abusive relationship. They cannot leave their abuser.

I am posting this because I believe there is something to learn from the Rat Cage / Rat Park experiments.

I believe that victims of relationship abuse are stuck in the equivalent of an empty Rat Cage. They feel alone and not connected to anyone who cares about them. They may have been isolated from Family and Friends by physically moving to a different city. Abusers instinctively seem to know that if they can isolate someone, then they can control them and physically or mentally abuse them without outside interference. Again without a support structure, the victim is alone as in the isolated Rat Cage.

Further proof of this concept comes from the same Rat Cage / Rat Park experiment. When the isolated and heavily addicted rats are moved out of an isolated environment into a Rat Park with lots of other rats and lots of stimulating things to do and play with, they lose their addiction.

Going further, Victims of abuse need to move into a Rat Park environment. They need to be among people who care. Friends and family who will morally support them. They need to also have fun. Being abused is “NOT FUN”. I suspect that once the victim is moved into a Rat Park type environment, then their addiction to the abuser could dissipate without symptoms of PTSD etc.

That brings up the lack of such a Rat Park environment for Abuse Victims. They should be surrounded by people who care, people who will try to help them. People who will talk to them. One common theme from Victims going thru forms of Therapy is that they cry their eyes out during the therapy sessions. They have no one to talk to. They feel that no one cares. Like the Rats in the isolated Rat cage. The Rats become addicted to the point of destroying themselves. Victims become addicted to their Abuser. For many victims this addiction destroys them. In my opinion, the Rat Park experiment shows the need to create a Human equivalent of a Rat Park for Victims of Abuse, so that victims can end their “Addiction” to their Abuser.

We have Women’s Shelters filled with women seeking help but percentage wise rather few “Helpers”. We have Therapy, which costs money that the abuse Victim may not have. No money, equals No Help. We have Public Housing, but with long waiting lists. We have legal aid for people convicted of a crime, but Victims of Relationship Abuse may not “qualify”. Society has a disorienting and disconnected patchwork of supposed help and so Victims cannot get away. It may not just be Trauma Bonding which is holding them back. As a society, we do not have an all inclusive support system, like a Rat Park human equivalent environment, to help Abuse Victims if they want to leave their Abuser, Heal and Recover. So they remain “stuck” in Abusive Relationships.

I have received email comments suggesting that it may be the Victim’s lack of confidence to express their feeling that could be at fault. A Victim’s typical inability to establish and enforce clear boundaries is in my opinion, a Learned Survival Mechanism. During early childhood, we learn how to survive in our home environment. Some kids are lucky and are born into loving and caring families. Other kids are not so lucky and have to adapt and learn behaviors to survive. That applies to Disordered Individuals also. One’s early childhood helps to form the future Adult. The work of the late Alice Miller readily comes to mind. I have referred to Abysmal Parenting or the lack of Parenting as being the primary cause of adult dysfunction. Many a Narcissist was not raised by their Birth Mother for example. On the other hand, when a Victim is physically being beaten Black and Blue, IMHO clearly the Abuser is at fault and “not” the Victim.

I have a friend who was isolated to a different country by a very Disordered Individual. Once isolated, the abuse became physical. One time she was beaten so badly that she ended up being hospitalized for months. It was not her inability to speak up for herself that is to blame. If you start to speak up for yourself to a very disordered individual, you could very well be beaten Black and Blue. IMHO the Abuser is at fault and they are totally responsible for their behavior. View the video in the link shown above. Getting two black eyes was not the Victim’s fault.

I believe that when one learns about the Red Flags and if one starts to see multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis then one is able to get a better idea of who one is interacting with. It has nothing to do with putting labels on people before they do anything wrong. If one does not take heed of those Red Flags and falls prey to an Abuser, then it’s too late. Yes, people are out there who abuse other people. Yes, there are people with Codependent Traits and lots of Empathy, who seem to be attracted to those who abuse. Those who will abuse others also seem to be rather attracted to those who have lots of Empathy and Codependent traits. People call someone an Abuser after they have abused someone. It is not a matter of innocent until proven guilty. They get called that label because they have abused their victim. All abuse is bad, but some abuse is horrific.

I’m posting this for everyone to think about it. The videos below give more details about Dr. Bruce Alexander and his Rat Park experiment. BTW that Rat Park experiment has been repeated many times, with the same results. So it has been scientifically proven.

Narcissists will try to Gaslight the victim that their actions were not abusive or that any problems in the relationship are totally the fault of the Victim. In the privacy of their shared home, the Disordered Individual will not give a 2nd thought to verbally and emotionally abusing their victim. But in public, their behavior changes to project a false image that are caring and loving, while the Victim is made out to be the abuser in the relationship. Crazy making is an apt description. Victims could end up with PTSD and Complex PTSD as a result of being exposed to long term Emotional Abuse.

Dr. George K. Simon is a clinical psychologist with over 2 decades of experience working with people who have character disturbances and use covert aggression, as well as the targets/survivors of their manipulative behavior.

Dr. Simon is also a Bestselling Author of the book titled “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”.

In this video, Meredith Miller interviews Dr. George Simon with particular focus on her very insightful knowledge and expertise and applying it to the struggles of those who have survived Narcissistic Abuse.

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]

Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of […]

I really wish that I could repost this entire superb post about Narcissistic Abuse and the affect on their Victims. I’ll give a couple of excerpts, so you can get a taste of their article.

“in the case of Jamie, whose husband makes her recite every day, “I’m only worth 29 cents – the price of a bullet,” he erodes her self-worth to nothing to keep her under his control. Who else could possible want such a worthless woman as she? With that belief, she will never leave him for good, although she makes many brief attempts to do so. She always returns. The brainwashing that continues day after day …“

“No matter which type of Narcissist he is, the end result is the same – a slow, insidious, breaking down of the self-esteem of his victims until there’s next to nothing left, at which point, the narcissist will frequently throw his partner out“

Just click on the following line/link to visit the Medical News Website to read their extremely well written post titled: “

“If you’ve loved a narcissist, you may feel completely exposed and turned inside out. The pain is unlike any breakup you’ve ever experienced because it feels like these people have been able to infiltrate every cell of your being. Even though intellectually you may feel you need to end the relationship, on a cellular level you seem shaken to your core.

Symptoms of narcissistic abuse are shock, betrayal, confusion, depression, rage, anger, irritability, low tolerance for noise, and mindless conversations. You may find yourself wanting to be alone. You don’t feel like anyone could ever understand your pain. You may have trouble sleeping, eating, or thinking straight. Sometimes we experience physical symptoms, like upset stomachs, hair loss, and various other stress related acute responses.

Loving yourself after Narcissistic Abuse can be challenging, but its essential.”

EMDR Treatment is fast. You could be talking about a few sessions with a Licensed Therapist trained in EMDR Therapy, versus months and years with other Therapies. EMDR Therapy could be one option to consider, for those with the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD,

“A very subtle way to create damage in children is to turn the chosen scapegoat child into a parent.

This process is called Parentification, not to be confused with parenting. In Parentification the parent gives up what they are supposed to do as a parent and transfers that responsibility to the scapegoat child. Hence the scapegoat child becomes parentified.”

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If You are being Abused

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Nothing in the content, of this site, should be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

This site is for entertainment and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of any medical, nursing or other professional health care advice, diagnosis or treatment.

You should always talk to your health care provider for diagnosis and treatment,
including your specific medical needs. None of the information offered through this website represents or warrants that any particular information is safe, appropriate or effective for you. We advise users to always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions regarding personal health or medical conditions.

If you have or suspect that you have a medical problem or condition, please contact a qualified health care professional immediately.

Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read or seen in a post on this site.

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Don’t let people treat you like a cigarette

Narcissists Do Not Love. They Hold Hostages!

Disclaimer

Nothing in the content, of this site, should be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

This site is for entertainment and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of any medical, nursing or other professional health care advice, diagnosis or treatment.

You should always talk to your health care provider for diagnosis and treatment,
including your specific medical needs. None of the information offered through this website represents or warrants that any particular information is safe, appropriate or effective for you. We advise users to always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions regarding personal health or medical conditions.

If you have or suspect that you have a medical problem or condition, please contact a qualified health care professional immediately.

Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read or seen in a post on this site.

On this site we have a Menu Link which can help you to find a Licensed Therapist in your area. Please use the provided link which is in the Main Menu at the top of the main page.