Flashback: This post was originally written on June 16, 2012, before I eventually decided to sleep train.

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I knew back when I was pregnant not to expect too much sleep when Baby Cobi arrived. But I definitely expected those milestone moments I see every other parent boast about, “Baby A slept 6 hours last night!” said one parent friend on Facebook while I was pregnant. I was excited at the prospect of hitting those milestones with my baby.

(sleeping at only two days old)

My baby-sleep thought process has been long (beginning at birth) and ever-forming. During the first couple weeks I knew Cobi had to eat every 2-3 hours anyway; the first night home from the hospital we laid him in his bed after his feeding and went to sleep ourselves. I set the alarm for two hours out so as not to miss a feeding. Twenty minutes later – guess who was awake! Of course this continued through several weeks. In a state of pure exhaustion, we gave co-bedding a try. Baby Cobi slept with us at about 4 weeks old; the first night was incredible – he slept a 5-hour stretch. I was impressed and totally on-board with co-bedding if these were the results I was going to get.

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(sleeping at one week old)

But true to a baby’s fickle nature, baby did not continue this wonderful sleep pattern. For the entire second and even third month his sleep was manageable, dare I even say, completely acceptable. He would go to bed around 8pm on our bed, and we’d join him around 11pm, which is when he would have his first feeding. He would wake around 3am, 6am and finally 8:30-9am. I was totally okay with this schedule, as co-bedding allowed me to stay half-asleep through each feeding. Even the Mr. loved co-bedding. He loved waking up with his boy by his side.

(Playing in his bed)

Then we hit 3 mos old, and guess who hit a sleep regression! He went from lovely 4-5 hour stretches consistently to 2-hour stretches all night long. This mama went from reasonably well-rested to exhausted in a week.

(hiding from the camera)

I researched a lot of sleep-training methods. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution and many, many articles online. I considered the Ferber method – “Cry It Out” (CIO), but knew before Cobi was born that that was not something I wanted to do. I also looked into a more gentle sleep training method that involved putting him into his bed drowsy, but awake and let him fuss and squirm (but not cry), until he fell asleep on his own. If he cried, I’d pick him up, shush him, soothe him and then lay him back down. I did this one night and it was a nightmare. Every time I set Cobi back in his bed, he would inevitably start to cry hysterically. This broke my heart. I would pick him up and he’d immediately stop crying. He really just needed his mama’s loving arms. And after that emotional night, I was OK with that.

It was from there that my sleep thought process was truly developing. After experiencing the pain from any crying method (even though it wasn’t supposed to be a crying method), I realized sleep-training was not for me. I was given some perspective by reading various other blog posts on the matter.

Jacobi is my baby, my precious three and a half month old baby. He IS a BABY. Babies notoriously don’t sleep well. They are too young to grasp the concept and when they awake it is often for a need. I remembered all the other moms who told me how fast the time goes by and how soon they are going off to kindergarten, or graduating high school. And I decided that I am going to cherish this time while Cobi is my baby, while he needs me. I will get exhausted, yes. I will have moments of weakness when I don’t want to get up and tend to his needs. But in the end, I know that this time as my precious baby boy will be short-lived. I will never know if, in ten or twenty years I will regret not holding my sleeping baby and cherishing these moments. But, I will do my best to make them last.

We did end up buying a crib for Jacobi with the end goal of him sleeping on his own. After we had a few nights of him (in our bed) waking every 1-2 hours because he wanted to nurse, I came to the conclusion that after a few months of co-bedding, it may not be for us. Cobi wakes because he was wanting milk all night long. We moved him to his crib, in his room, about a week ago and things have been going a lot better. He definitely is sleeping more than two hours at a time, and often has four hour stretches. I realize for a nearly 4-month old baby it is not a significant feat, but it is for us. And I am grateful for each day he is my baby, and each day he needs me.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth, Empty the dustpan, poison the moth, Hang out the washing and butter the bread, Sew on a button and make up a bed. Where is the mother whose house is so shocking? She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo). Dishes are waiting and bills are past due (Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo). The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo. Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue? (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

this made me tear up!
DS was the same. I never thought we’d co-bed but it ended up being best for us. I went back to work when he was 7 weeks because I had to. I didn’t get to nurse throughout the day like SAHMs, so when I was home, that was our time together. I didn’t sleep much but I don’t regret it. He turned one yesterday and the past year flew by.

what a great post. i absolutely relate to what you’ve written about crying it out. i especially relate to this: “jacobi is my baby and he IS a BABY.” hear hear. every time i have found myself saying “i should” or “she should” (about Baby O), i realize i am fabricating expectations according to some other source other than my baby, my family, and myself. instead, i try to remain really conscious of not falling into the “i should” or “she should” and just simply do what works and what feels right.

as an aside, i found that moving Baby O into her own room around 4 months was key. at 4 months, she was a lot more cognizant and aware and even tho we would tiptoe into our room and get into bed ninja-like, she would always stir and sometimes wake up. and she was in a bassinet, not even co-sleeping!

i found that while i thought i my heart would bruise that first night i put her to bed in her own room, her sleep benefited from this arrangement. she was not being interrupted by us and as a result she was sleeping more soundly. that worked so we stuck to it.

@rachiecakes: @Mrs. Scooter: it makes me tear up just rereading it… I cannot believe that was only 6 months ago… it really does fly by.. and I am SO happy I rocked and rocked and rocked him all those nights, and that I nursed him whenever he wanted. I don’t regret one single thing. Now – he won’t sleep with us in our bed and he won’t rock to sleep or fall asleep while nursing- he is so independent – such a big boy! And I completely miss my little baby.

And yes! 4 months for us was the magic number. We had spent each day having play time in his room so he was familiar with the space, and play time in the crib – when we transitioned it was SO easy! Definitely harder on me than him.

@rachiecakes: I hear you… Cobi will be 1 in two months and I cannot even fathom it!

Kelly D

guest

December 18, 2012 @ 7:58 pm

I so appreciate you sharing this story. I feel the EXACT same way. We never co-slept in our bed, but on nights when my dear Lucy wakes up very frequently ill snuggle her in the recliner in her nursery and we both sleep blissfully. I am cherishing every second I have with her as a little baby, even if it means the house is a wreck!

This is my favorite poem! I have it framed in her nursery. She sleeps in a co sleeper in bed with us and I love it. I can’t bear to put her in her room yet. I tell myself that ill never look back and regret spending extra snuggles with her.

5 months was our magic month for her. She spent most of month 4 to 5 in bed with us because of her sleep regression. All of a sudden, she didn’t want to be in bed with us anymore, she didn’t want to nurse to sleep and she was ready for her crib. I’m glad we didn’t force it either, I miss those snuggly nights now.