Why Prenups Exist. And Restraining Orders.

A 76-year-old grandmother, Betty Neumar, is currently being held on half a million dollars’ bond in a North Carolina jail for allegedly hiring a hit man to kill her fourth husband to collect his life insurance payout, while police re-examine the untimely and unexpected deaths of her first child, stepson, and four of the five men she’s married.

Reporters the world over have attempted to contact Husband No. 5, all with the same pressing inquiry: Really, guy? I mean, really? Was the red flag that ol’ Betty came wrapped in when you met her not big enough? Here’s the thing: if a gal’s been married four times and her last name isn’t, say, Astor, there’s really no upside to being No. 5. Especially when all four husbands before you happen to be dead. Even more so when according to Betty, one of your predecessors “died on a pier” somewhere in New York, one “pulled out a gun and shot himself” while he and the missus were “alone in a room arguing,” and another just managed to get himself “shot in the back of the head outside his auto shop” for no apparent reason.

Attempts to reach Husband No. 5 have indeed proved unsuccessful––because he, too, reached, yes, a sudden demise last October, the official cause of death listed as “sepsis.” Following a distant and unlikely hunch, police in Georgia are now investigating whether he may not actually have died of sepsis and instead may have been poisoned by Betty. Will keep you posted. [CNN]

Bitter Lawyer readers have probably been asking themselves what the heck is wrong with lawyers in Pennsylvania. But for now, never mind the lawyers. Let’s ask instead what’s wrong...

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