Radical Equality in The Goonies

June 7, 1985 was a watershed moment in Western history. It was the day The Goonies
was released in movie theaters. I was an impressionable 14 years old. I do not believe it to be an exaggeration to say that outside of my parents and the Bible that Steven Spielberg has tremendously influenced my life. Even now, rumors are swirling of a Goonies 2 sequel with the return of the original cast. Please say, for the love and sanctity of my childhood memories, that this is one of the Internet’s greatest falsehoods.

The Goonies works not just because it is a great story, but because of the relationships of the characters. Each person is a misfit, incapable of achieving much on their own, but when they are forced to work together they comprise an unstoppable force. Whether it is Mouth translating Spanish on the treasure map, Andy playing the right chord on the skeleton organ, or Chunk showing up with Sloth to save the day at the end, the nonconformists are great when forced through life circumstances to conform to the code, “Goonies never say die.” The group would not have advanced very far if Andy had decided to take the ride in the basket up the well instead of sending Troy’s letter jacket.

Little did I know that such an incredible movie had so much to do with the birth pains of postmodernism radical equality within Western society. What the movie embodied was a nascent radical egalitarianism, that is, the giving up of individual control for the sake of the greater good of the whole, where, in this case, the greater good is the preservation of their homes. This agenda is nothing less than the pursuit of the brotherhood of humanity clothed in a self-righteous community consciousness. And remember, I love The Goonies. Please do not get me started on Xanadu. Roller disco and Olympian gods are non-complementarian.

Someone at this point might say, “What is the big deal? Are you saying that we should deny the possibility of equal outcomes for members of a Western society? Are we not really better when we work together?” No, I am not saying that we should not work together or push for a corporate understanding of humanity. What I am saying is that the push for greater and greater equality of outcomes evolved from equal rights has led and will continue to lead to in the Western culture a truncated view on the very definition of morality. In other words, as our culture further embraces radical egalitarianism as a major tenant of postmodernism, we will experience a demand from the masses for an increased acceptance of immorality. This reality,not possibility, is a terrifying false god which will insist on the complete submission of its
worshippers on the altar of tolerance.

The false idol of radical equality opens the door to a bottomless pit of immorality with a precipitous slippery slope. Who would have imagined thirty years ago that we would see the transformation of a male sports icon into a woman? And not only see it play out before our eyes,but celebrated with the expectation that we as a society stand and clap for his courage and bravery. Our media only further advances the postmodern agenda, criticizing the evangelical Christian as one who needs to open their mind.

Just so we are clear, you can have equal rights without equal outcomes for all parties involved. That is a little something called competition. For instance, I have an equal right to stand on a basketball court with Michael Jordan. It is safe to say that the outcome is not going to be favorable for me even if I kick and scream and demand that he let me win. He is better than me at basketball. That’s okay, I will dunk on him every time in a New Testament Greek quiz. He has no chance if we are parsing third declension nouns. I hope you see the point. Radical egalitarianism, of which our Western media is the false prophet, will inevitably result in a tolerance of immorality that the Bible clearly speaks against and says, “No.” This idol must be destroyed.