Had a case end yesterday where wife on £44k got more than H in £59k because he could afford more of a mortgage. She had no maintenance claim for herself but still got more capital because of this. Was a v harsh order for H, but highlights the need for you to get proper legal advice rather than relying on the experiences of others in substitution.

I have suggested a mediator or collaborative lawyer but he wants to use a solicitor. Thank you, I have seen a solicitor, the things I mentioned I have taken legal advice on were from a face to face meeting with my solicitor.

I don't want to lose out financially in the sense that I don't want to not have what I am entitled to but morally it doesn't sit quite right to take so much??

My confusion is more about what to estimate my future needs are. We are lucky enough to have enough assets to keep our current home and buy another one for me. But I guess I need to estimate what bills etc will be. There is so much to think about and it is hard with it being such an emotional time to have a concentrated 'thinking head' too! Definitely thinking that a clean break would be beneficial emotionally.

I am the primary carer. He leaves home at 6am and comes back at 8pm. In our initial discussion I said that we are both their parents and I don't want to take the children away from him. Isaid it would break my heart to not be with them for even a day but that it would be unreasonable of me to expect to be with them more than 50% of the time. Now I am realising that I actually am with them way more than that at the moment and why should that change? So confusing and complicate

It sounds to me like you will be entitled to spousal maintenance particularly if you have not worked for 15 years and your husband is a high earner. Further, if you are the children's primary carer you are likely to walk away with over 50% of the assets (larger lump sum to allow you to re-house with the children).

Be aware that what your solicitor says is merely their opinion and the eventual financial consent order may differ. In my case the split of assets started 50:50 as was then altered to reflect the value of the school fees over the period they would need to be paid. I'm not saying this will happen, but if your husband gets the right solicitor they can argue this successfully.

We have discussed buying another property for me and I think that is what will happen. I am looking at the moment.

Thanks for the suggestion of putting unable to specify atm. I didn't realise that was an option.

His salary covers the schools fees by a long way.

I believe, based on legal advice so far, that I will be entitled to 50% of assets and given his salary, a substantial amount of child and spousal maintenance. I am now thinking about how to make a clean break as I would like to be financially independent if possible. I just am so unsure about how to estimate / work out my costs. I guess I need to spend time in the filing cabinets with our paperwork!

I am on the other side of this in that I am the high earner. Paying the school fees over several years has quite a large value attached to it and can enable the payer to keep a considerably large portion of the assets to enable this. In my case I get to keep 200ks worth of assets compared to 90k for him. Ours is a clean break agreement so the only ongoing cost is the school fees and we only have one child.If I was you I would get really good legal advice over this,

To divide everything by 12 is a sensible idea. You will need to ask your husband to provide you with copies of utility bills so you can put in insurance, service charges etc. it is usual to leave the current cost column blank and just fill in the estimated future cost column.

As to future financial needs you can keep it simple at this stage. For example 'I am unable to specify at this stage, but to include provision for a suitable home, a vehicle and provision for old age'.

It may be an idea to start considering your future housing needs and looking at appropriate property particulars.

My husband and I are sadly going to divorce. This is against his wishes but he will not contest it.

He is a (high earning) accountant and therefore we ought to be able to save legal fees by dealing with some of the financial bits ourselves. I have been a sahm for 15 years which was a joint decision.

He won't hear of using a mediator or collaborative lawyer. I want to be fair. I don't want to 'take him to the cleaners'. I would like to keep things as amicable as possible although I fear it will be hard.

I have been reading the form E and am confused. Maybe. Or bewildered?

The bits about mortgage and pensions etc are I presume relatively straightforward to fill in. It's the bit about how much maintenance and what my future financial needs are that stumps me! I have no idea what my needs will be or in fact what they are right now!!As an accountant he deals with it all.

Obviously we have utility bills, school fees, and other fixed costs. I am confused re the childrens' clothes, extra clubs, holidays and other lifestyle expenditure but is the best way to add up the credit card bills and divide by 12 to get an average monthly spend?! I know what I spend on petrol but no idea what the insurance and service charges etc are.

I am not meaning to appear a fool or naive. I am no fool and am sure once I have a grip on this I can handle it all but it is just never something I have had to do.