OK so it's nearly two weeks since I blogged. I have been kept busy with a particularly long poetry speech for a bride's wedding. Aside from that though I had a holiday! I know, unbelievable! It was a very last minute decision and 3 days before the trip we booked a 5 day break in the Cotswolds.

Warwick Castle

It was a National Holiday coach trip from Stockton on the Monday morning, so we geared ourselves up for it and set off. It must have been the coldest wind ever that morning and to compound our misery, the coach was 20 minutes late. Still, it was our holiday - we can't be put off that easily!

Moreton in Marsh

The coach wasn't fully booked but we had picked the back seats (the romantic in me of course) and there was nobody around us, apart from Mad Brian, but he was ok really. It meant we could have a window seat each and dump our coats/bags etc on the surrounding chairs. As you would expect, the coach was full of characters and could easily have been created by the writers of Little Britain. After a few hours and a couple of stops (Wetherby & Warwick), we ended up at our hotel. It was set in its own grounds in a place called Keresley, about 4 miles from Coventry. We were introduced to Terry our coach driver, he promptly told us, no less than 20 times, that Thursday was to be his day off (ok Terry - we hear you!). We had a bit of time to chill out and unpack before venturing into the restaurant for the first time. There was nothing I liked on the menu, so I settled for a bar meal next door, but after hearing all of the complaints about the food served in the restaurant, it made me quite glad of my choice. Sat on a table of six, we did meet our first 'coach companions' - Catfish was a woman in her 40s who was travelling alone and seemed to be in the perfect seat to whisper into the drivers ear, she had arranged to meet somebody in Wolverhampton on Wednesday night, oo-er. Also on our table were 'Daisy & Onslow', and anybody who used to watch Keeping Up Appearances will know exactly how we felt. It was only a matter of minutes before we discovered all about their relationship, ex relationships and every other detail of their history. They were spoiling my holiday already. It was then that Onslow piled his plate high with meatballs while declaring, in a Frank's Factory Flooring style, "I love meatballs me".

How the locals travel in Coventry

Things went from bad to worse as we were herded into the '99p bar' and we heard a voice - "there's seats here", to which we looked up, and it was them....AGAIN! I couldn't sit with them, and decided to go back 'for a walk'. We ended up back in the bar later, but at this point them free seats were taken (unfortunately), and we ended up sitting with Jim and Carol for the night, and a good night was had.

Some land speed car

Tuesday took us to Moreton in Marsh (a true Cotswold village), and market day, and as Terry pointed out - the biggest market, erm, in the area! What a load of bloody rubbish - the highlight of the journey being a call into Spar for some drinks for the hotel room. This was followed by a trip to Broadway, again, it wasn't quite as exciting as it sounded. The final stop was in Coventry. In the short time we had there (2 hours) we managed to whizz right round the city, visit the bombed Cathedral and see the new one, and have time for a great Wetherspoon's meal, despite the barmaid laughing at my accent, well I could understand what I was saying!

Coventry Cathedral post blitz

Tuesday night was tribute act night - we sat with Rachael and her mam Barbara (Nat had got talking to them in the pool earlier - Rachael being the only other person on the coach under 50), and also Ethel & Fred (think Mrs Brown's Boys). All four were lovely people and we were to sit with them for the rest of the week. As we entered the bar the 'artist' is setting up his gear. Standing at 6'3"ish with a shiny bald head, he put me in mind of Richard O'Brien from the Crystal Maze, but tonight Matthew, he was going to be......NEIL DIAMOND! Oh Sweet Caroline! He must have had healing abilities as only yesterday people were struggling to actually get on the bus but they were now shaking their ass to Cracklin' Rosie, no doubt fuelled by the 99p wine. We also won the quiz - a box of fudge and bottle of wine, between 6 of us....

Hands up if you're a poor Neil Diamond with a dodgy wig

We were looking forward to the Wednesday, it was a visit to Stratford. OK, William Shakespeare was a big wheel here, but he was literally everywhere! Shakespeare's Solicitors, Shakespeare's Newsagents, Shakespeare's Estate Agents - you name it he was involved somehow. Still, I suppose it's like Middlesbrough and Paul Daniels....or not.

It's William Shakespeare, fancy him popping up in Stratford

We dashed around the city trying to get everything in, a highlight being a visit to the church where old Billy S was buried. There he was on the altar with another 4 or 5 of his family. There was also a bust of him which had been given to the church by his wife, Anne Hathaway, shortly after his death, and the original font he was baptised in.

Anne Hathaway and Shakespeare's grave

We were to stumble upon a bizarre shop/attraction in the form of the Creepy Cauldron at Magic Alley. It was a shop selling Harry Potter's potions and magic wands, and other magical items. Nat loved it! As we were leaving, the owner asked if we wanted to visit the exhibition upstairs, and after deliberation we decided to. It was clearly a little hobby of the owners, but they had done it very well, about 5 rooms made into various scenes, from the forbidden items room to the room where nightmares were created. Very good lads.

Shakespeare's actual baptismal font

That night we were 'entertained' by a boy/girl duo, though it was more like a has been rocker living off his former glories and his Thai bride. After about 15 minutes we decided it wasn't for us and had an early night.

Stratfords golden post boxes

Thursday took us to more Cotswold villages, and unfortunately, bored us again, maybe it didn't help that several shops were still shut for the winter. We first visited Bourton, and got to write and send our postcards out, then visited Stow where, despite being rushed, we managed to get something to eat in a swanky hotel. We were pretty much an inconvenience to the coach driver today (replacement for Terry, remember, he was off today) and were dumped back at the hotel at 3pm - great, evening meal not until 6:30. As it was, Nat had booked into the spa for some treatments (manicures and the like), so I had a venture out into the wild to find a nearby pub. I wish I had never bothered, after a few miles I found one, but when I went in there was an old couple playing dominoes in the corner, and that was it. I drunk up and returned to the hotel. I sat around and found more 'friends' I didn't know I had.

Harry Potter goods in the Magic Alley

Thursday night and there was the threat of a karaoke in the hotel bar, as it was it never materialised so we only had the quiz and bingo, of which we won neither. For the first time all week the drinks from the 99p bar tasted nice, probably something to do with the big wedding they were hosting on Friday.

Bourton on the Swale

Friday came, and so did the hangover. Oh well, at least I can sleep on the bus on the way home, or so I thought. Mad Brian had other plans. He had ignored me pretty much all of the holiday, and now, on the way home, while I was ropey as hell, he decided to talk to me. Not only did he talk to me, he talked and talked and talked and talked to me. I was glad when we stopped at Liechfield!

How's about that for tea!

There was enough time for us to have a walk around Liechfield and visit the Cathedral with three spires. It was a nice enough place, with friendly folk aplenty, especially the mad woman selling wool in the market, we thought she was gonna come home with us! It was at this point we had found out that Onslow had stocked up on sausages at the breakfast buffet and slipped 5 into his pocket 'for the bus journey home'. Fantastic. No sooner had we returned to the coach than Mad Brain started again, telling me all about his military history and going into particular detail of how he was three seats away from being killed. I wished he was three seats away from me. The final stop was at the services at Wetherby. I couldn't believe my eyes - I ordered a plate of chips and they came in the smallest bowl in the world, but that wasn't the amazing thing, no, the girl behind the counter actually weighed the chips as she poured them into the bowl, making sure that nobody would get more than they paid for.

Three spires of Liechfield

And that was it. It was the first time we had spent 5 days away since our honeymoon in 2008 and we had a great time. We would go on a National Holidays jolly again, it worked out cheaper than actually trying to arrange something ourselves. It has took some doing getting this blog on, but now all the excitement is over, I should be able to get things back up on a regular basis. Apologies to all of my Angolan visitors (well, Chris) who haven't had their regular blog! Normal business will be resumed.