Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with life and socialhttp://ask.metafilter.com/tags/life+social
Questions tagged with 'life' and 'social' at Ask MetaFilter.Tue, 20 Jan 2015 16:32:06 -0800Tue, 20 Jan 2015 16:32:06 -0800en-ushttp://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss60How can I be less sensitive?http://ask.metafilter.com/274747/How%2Dcan%2DI%2Dbe%2Dless%2Dsensitive
There is no question about it – I am an extremely sensitive person. What I want to know is how can I be less sensitive, or, maybe, if I should be less sensitive? In asking how can I be less sensitive I am not asking the question vis-a-vis the approval of others; the fact is that almost everything about me is disapproved of by nearly everyone I know with the exception of a select few. <br>
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No, what I would like to change is how the behavior, words, and actions of others can have such a significant influence on my mood. If someone is rude to me, it makes me feel so sad and drained, not necessarily angry but really sad. If someone is rude to someone else, it still makes me feel so sad and drained, even though it has nothing to do with me. If someone kills a spider or anything at all (I love all lifeforms and raise exotic spiders, centipedes, scorpions, etc.), it makes me feel even sadder and feel more drained. If someone is more interested in being right than being knowledgeable or informed, it also makes me extremely sad and drained. If I witness road rage, it makes me feel sad and drained, because I think it is unsafe and rude. <br>
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I really wish to see a world where people are kinder, love learning, and are helpful to each other, and each day I try to do something positive, whether it be complimenting someone, helping save a frightened spider, helping a stranded motorist, helping an older individual cross the road, or something as simple as waiting a couple seconds so another trucker or motorist can make a turn in heavy traffic. (What a pain in the butt it is to wait forever to make a turn when all it would take is like 5 seconds out of a person's daily commute to slow down and let someone in.) <br>
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As much as I would like to see a world like this, I understand that it is a dream that will likely never materialize, but I still feel really sensitive to all the negativity, rudeness, yelling, selfishness, etc. in my day to day life. The only time I ever really feel at peace now is when there is nobody around me because I feel overwhelmed with the negativity of others in my daily life. Often I really feel like I need to hide from everyone. <br>
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Working as a truck driver I notice so much what I think to be negative behavior in drivers, like a microcosm of the world we live in – people driving recklessly so as to get ahead, drivers cutting each other off, swearing at each other for a parking space, etc. <br>
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My Girlfriend says she loves my sensitive side, and maybe it isn't the worst characteristic to have, but I would really like to learn to better shield myself from the negativity of others.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.274747Tue, 20 Jan 2015 16:32:06 -08008LeggedFriendWhat's an Extroverted Introvert to do?http://ask.metafilter.com/273930/Whats%2Dan%2DExtroverted%2DIntrovert%2Dto%2Ddo
<em>Yes, I'm literally asking for basic social tips and tricks.</em> I've come to consider myself as something of an extroverted introvert. In the past three months or so, I've decided to transfer universities mid-sophomore year, successfully completed the fall semester, and severed ties with a handful of toxic people who served no purpose other than to stunt my overall ~*life potential*~ and whatnot.<br>
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I've always been good at socializing... on the surface. I can verbal volley, engage, at least *pretend* to care and listen, respond thoughtfully when I so choose, etc etc. But I have next no to interest in making meaningful relationships with most people.<br>
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<em><small>Ironically enough, I've been dating the same boy for 4+ years, something I partially accredit to our sharing a lot of the same social inclinations, thank god.</small></em></small><br>
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So now, I'm moving away from George Washington University (in Washington, DC) and a social environment where everybody and their mother (both literally and figuratively) was highly self-absorbed, self-important, and just disgustingly neurotic and semi-sociopoathic. I'll instead be moving to Temple University (in Philly), a place where I have neither a clue as to what what the social/academic/general environment looks like, nor a reasonable amount of interest in/hope of making meaningful friendships.<br>
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What can I do to combat this? I'm semi-intelligent when I apply myself, but I'm lazy and have been working through some Psychological Shit, so I'm pretty tired and confused a lot of the time. Should I just stick to my guns and keep to myself, or should I just throw myself into different things?<br>
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<em>Mind you, this is all haphazardly written as I simultaneously attempt to communicate with my new roommate and <strong>not</strong> hyperventilate to death.</em>tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.273930Sun, 04 Jan 2015 14:22:15 -0800ourtWhat if I just don't fit in with people?http://ask.metafilter.com/273596/What%2Dif%2DI%2Djust%2Ddont%2Dfit%2Din%2Dwith%2Dpeople
I have the sneaking suspicion that I was born in the wrong place (or planet), and I want to come to terms with the loneliness that sometimes creeps in. Please help? Details inside. Um, hello! I'm a 20-year-old introverted female from SE Asia, and so far in my entire life it's been a repeated script of me finding it hard to connect with others. I know the age-old advice is to smile, laugh, ask people questions, listen, be truly interested, remember what they say, and so on, but I think an unspoken rule is that there must be some commonality with your senses of humor or viewpoints in life for an actual friendship to happen. For the record, what I consider a friendship is when things are light, natural, unforced, when semi-personal day-to-day things can be discussed (I don't need someone to unearth childhood trauma with, just someone I can be honest with if I don't feel in the mood that day, etc.), and when you can laugh about stuff together. That doesn't seem too big of a deal, does it? It just rarely happens for me. I should probably mention I got clinically diagnosed with depression and that I'm an anxious person by default, but now I'm much happier (but still not without periods of being down) after having left school for a while. I'm med-free now, and I'm resuming my studies this January (Oh, God. I mean -- yay?).<br>
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I realize I can't get specific answers about how to improve my social skills, but I still think that even if I did improve-- didn't air negativity out too much, approached people more, offered my aid in schoolwork, etc. -- there would still be this barrier that separates me from others because of our inherent differences. It's just something I feel in my gut, especially since it seems I laugh at stuff other people don't find funny, and vice versa. Because I've seen other people be tightwads, and inconsiderate about others getting sidelined, and be conversation-hoggers, but still have friends. Probably because they're funny? I don't know. My experience is that people are so caught up in their own world that they don't appreciate politeness or consideration, or a listening ear, which are things I try to provide. I'm still willing to try and improve, but I have limited energy and time, and I don't want to be devastated when things don't go well. Plus, I don't want to be that person who gives just because she's expecting something in return. I want to accept the possibility of just being a different-colored fish in the sea. Yes, I don't know how the future will go, but it's still helpful to know I can live with the 'worst-case scenario', especially since I really REALLY don't think it's as unlikely as people might think. I'm not expecting the loneliness to never come back (this stuff is biologically hardwired, isn't it?), I just want to minimize it so I can get on with things that make me happy. Knowing I'm not alone in this experience would be super helpful, I think. <br>
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I'm not about to close myself off from the world and move to a Tibetan mountaintop. I still want to help people, to volunteer my time and energy if I can spare them, and to give space for people to vent and talk. But I want to find a way to accept that maybe I'm just someone people won't necessarily appreciate, for whatever reason. I want to be contented and nourished by self-love. This is something I experienced during my leave of absence when I largely stayed at home and immersed myself in hobbies, but it's 10x harder back in school where everybody's laughing among themselves and snapping selfies and suchlike. <br>
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So, uhh, tldr: If I find that I'm just a person who isn't that interesting or worthwhile to others, is it possible to be happy and fulfilled for a sustained period of time? Are there people who have done this successfully? How can I start being like this? <br>
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Thanks a lot!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.273596Sun, 28 Dec 2014 07:03:24 -0800The Shonky ShopHow to deal with difficult co-workers?http://ask.metafilter.com/257972/How%2Dto%2Ddeal%2Dwith%2Ddifficult%2Dco%2Dworkers
In December I started working for a mill that manufactures flour, and although most employees there are excellent and fun to work with, I am discovering that many of my immediate co-workers appear to sabotage others for their own benefit. I work as a truck driver (one of four), and I drive the mill’s fleet of trucks and trailers, either to deliver bulk flour in pneumatic trailers or to haul wheat shorts in custom-built grain trailers. <br>
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Among the drivers (my immediate co-workers) there doesn’t seem to be much respect or honesty with issues and duties. In fact, I would describe it as outright lying and attempting to sabotage each other’s jobs, such as blaming the another driver for any damage or mishaps, withholding paperwork, etc. <br>
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One driver blamed me for leaving a compartment on a trailer open and driving home with it open, thereby causing snow to accumulate inside the trailer and freeze it shut. However, I wasn’t the last to drive that truck or trailer, he was, which he eventually had to admit to. <br>
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On the weekend my supervisor forgot to have the paperwork ready on Friday for the driver that was to take a load of bulk flour out, but instead of admitting to this mistake and correcting it, decided to schedule me to take that load and was going to blame it on ‘driver error’. Unfortunately for him I was snowed in and wasn’t able to make it to the mill, so he had to take the load and admit to his mistake. <br>
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On Thursday night my supervisor was to take a load of bulk flour out and plugged the trailer’s pipes. Instead of correcting that mistake Friday morning, he left it in the yard all night for someone else, i.e., me, to deal with, and decided to take the whole day off when he scheduled himself to work that day. Even the upper management was annoyed with this, and more than one person said the reason he didn’t come in was because he didn’t want to have to admit he screwed up. It took me almost 13 hours in -50˚C weather to unplug the trailer and clean his mess. Now he wants me to sacrifice my only day off in like a week and a half to do what I was scheduled to do yesterday but couldn’t because he wasn’t there and I had to finish what he didn’t do on Thursday. <br>
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Working where I am right now is really my first time being employed full-time, and I am finding all this dishonesty, blaming others, and unfair treatment frustrating to deal with. How can I cope with this?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.257972Sat, 01 Mar 2014 08:32:23 -08008LeggedFriendFinally meeting in real life; the disappointment will be palpablehttp://ask.metafilter.com/253495/Finally%2Dmeeting%2Din%2Dreal%2Dlife%2Dthe%2Ddisappointment%2Dwill%2Dbe%2Dpalpable
There are several people I've been chatting to online for various periods of time, who I'm likely to meet on my next journey around the USA. In the case of a few, they are asking to meet up. Nothing romantic and more than friendship with any, though the level of friendship differs; in some cases it's quite strong or complex. Problem is, the prospect of finally meeting IRL repeatedly terrifies me to the point of making me feel ill. Is this kind of feeling normal or common, or not? How can I subdue it and not make myself hide, literally? Trying to look at it rationally, the fear is that:<br>
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- I come over as different from my online persona. While I can write in e.g. Facebook chats like the devil on fire, in real life, am usually much quieter, wondering what to talk about that the person sitting or standing opposite will find interesting. Problem is, many minutes can pass while I think of something, by which time they've often wandered off.<br>
- I look a bit distractingly ferocious in real life. 6' 3'', a bit heavy, startling beard and long hair, a weird combination of nerd and viking god. I can and do frighten children and small animals in the street just by walking past them.<br>
- I'm sometimes okay in a one-to-one meeting. However, if there's a group of people it shuts down for me if I want to chat with one person, as I become extremely conscious of the other people and cannot focus on the one.<br>
- Concerned I'll be found out as boring, dull and uninteresting in real life conversation and meeting, and then the online friendship and chats with that person afterwards will dry up or stop, and I'll wish I'd kept it to online only.<br>
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I've used alcohol previously as a, dunno, feel-at-ease-in-a-group situation, but completely gave up alcohol earlier this year for several reasons, and that's probably going to be a life thing.<br>
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As an example of all this, a few years ago someone I'd been chatting to online on and off for a long time was in the same airport as me; discovered this through their tweets. Suddenly absolutely terrified, I had a bit of a panic attack and stayed in the restroom until my flight was called so as not to bump into them. Then lied some time later and said "Gosh, wow, we were in the airport at the same time, what a coincidence, a shame we didn't meet. Next time!" While quietly kicking myself for bottling out and hiding and not meeting that person.<br>
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I'd rather not have that failure again. Side-point: because of a few things I am on for physical stuff, I don't want to take yet more meds for this, if meds seem appropriate.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.253495Wed, 11 Dec 2013 05:10:25 -0800WordshoreGoing into my late 20's = Harder time meeting people. Is this common??http://ask.metafilter.com/244349/Going%2Dinto%2Dmy%2Dlate%2D20s%2DHarder%2Dtime%2Dmeeting%2Dpeople%2DIs%2Dthis%2Dcommon
I'm going to turn 28 this year, and I've noticed a trend when it comes to meeting people as I get older. It's become a lot tougher to meet people and hang out with them outside the workplace or school setting. In college, I've always made an attempt to set up study groups especially for a difficult class thus exchanging numbers. Most of the ones who have actually gone and met up are the people that I've partied/drank/ate out with to a certain extent. There's others who always have something coming up that's work or personal related. At first glance, I used to think and understand that people are busy especially if they work and go to school while living at a distance. Then I realize that some of those people who are busy are VERY capable of making the time to go out. But they don't because they will prioritize and wait for a invite that they prefer to attend to rather than a specific individual such as myself who is interested in getting to know people. Eventually, I've developed that 6th sense whether or not the person I'm dealing with is someone worth inviting in the 1st place. Am I right all the time? Of course not, but my gut feeling has usually served me well as attempts in getting to know certain people outside work/school has ended in futility. Anyone in their late 20's experiencing the same thing??tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.244349Mon, 08 Jul 2013 23:41:02 -0800tnar23How do extroverts deal with unexpected alone time?http://ask.metafilter.com/243873/How%2Ddo%2Dextroverts%2Ddeal%2Dwith%2Dunexpected%2Dalone%2Dtime
I'm an extrovert. I can't stand alone time. At all. This may be due to a recent falling out with a few friends making me feel lonelier than usual - I don't know. But recently any large gaps of alone time has made me feel incredibly depressed, often to the point of tears. Extroverts, how do you handle being alone? I'm posting this because tonight I have an unexpected night off of work. Everyone is sleeping or at work, which tends to happen when you work 3rds and have the night off. I should see this is a good thing - I've been putting off so many things because I've been out doing things with other people. But instead of being productive, I've been wallowing about how alone I feel.<br>
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Not sure if this contributes to it, but I recently had a falling out with the main person I'd spend time with during times like this - overheard them saying they didn't give two shits about me and were basically done with me. And they've seemed to have easily bounced back from it and are having no trouble finding other people to spend time with. Me on the other hand - well, I found out I have the night off tonight and I'm sitting at home posting this because the only other thing I was doing was wallowing about failing to find anyone to spend time with tonight.<br>
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I want to snap myself out of this. How?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.243873Sun, 30 Jun 2013 20:50:48 -0800AutumnHow can I pass as a normal person?http://ask.metafilter.com/226075/How%2Dcan%2DI%2Dpass%2Das%2Da%2Dnormal%2Dperson
Pretending to be normal. I'll try to be brief, clear and concise, even if those particular traits are not my forte.<br>
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I'm in school to become an artist, but I am slowly, slowly becoming afraid that I lack some very essential components to thriving in that career, or heck, even functioning at life. There is just something wrong with me. I used to think it was just a quirkiness, a little something off that could be endearing. More and more, I am finding it is actually a huge problem. Most of the time, I don't feel human. It's like I'm an alien who crash landed on earth and can only survive by pretending to be human, Studying human beings and trying to emulate them, but never really getting it right.<br>
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Simply put, I have medically verifiable cognitive problems, amongst them depression, an increasingly worsening case of ADHD, and some problems with memory and information retention. As I'm getting older I'm finding it harder and harder to communicate with people. I'm doing all I can to address this, but I don't know what else I can do. I'm concise about taking my medication daily, in as much as I can I'm trying to take physical care of myself. School makes it hard to do that all the time, but I do my utmost. <br>
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I've tried very, very hard to hide the fact that something was wrong with me, it's only recently that I started talking about depression, adhd, etc. or even admitting to having it to anyone by my very closest friends and family. It used to be mild, it's getting worse. Increasingly I find I just can't articulate anything. Whats in my head doesn't get to my mouth. I've always been akward, but this is making it worse. Recently I had someone point blank tell me "sometimes you say things that are really smart, but most of the time, you just don't make any god-damned sense." It hurt, it really did, because I know that right there in that moment, that was how people had been seeing me for years. The person who said it wasn't the first to insinuate or even pointedly say something about this. <br>
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I can't tell you how often I've been talking recently and someone has to stop me and have me start over, or just stares awkwardly, or laughs, or blushes, or what have you when I say something stupid or nonsensical. I don't mean to do it. The absolute worst response, which I find is occurring more and more, is that people just flat out ignore me. I'm not someone who does well alone, I really, really need to have people around me at this point in my life, and I find I'm making them not even notice I am there. It's not like my friends are bad people...or mean...it's just that I...don't make it easy to like me when I can't even talk coherently to people. I feel like I'm just yapping at people, and no one likes that. I grew up in an environment that didn't give me the ability to make a lot of friends, so I don't always even know how to deal with people. There are some pretty key socialization skills I missed early on and have never been able to catch onto.<br>
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It makes me not want to talk at all. It makes me question how I can succeed not only in human interaction, but in the career I want as well. I'm trying to be in a field of visual communication, and yet...I can't talk, I can't be clear, I can't make sense at all. It's lonely as hell, it makes me feel like I'm a complete moron, but I don't know what else I can do to correct it, and I'm not sure who to turn to for help. This hurts. Bad.<br>
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My future career depends on me being able to communicate clearly, already, I've made gaffes in networking, and I know my artwork (I'm in Sequential Art) doesn't always make sense to people. For a while now I've been trying to learn storyboarding, where being clear is the absolute most important thing...and I can't make sense to anyone. I just want to work, but I find that despite my best efforts, my stuff is getting increasingly worse...it doesn't make sense, it's not very clear, and it's really bad as a result...I'm just kind of failing at everything I want to do, and that I need to do in order to have a career in art/storytelling. I'm scared, truly genuinely scared. I'd link examples of my work, but if anyone I knew from real life found this and knew it was me, I'd be so, so embarrassed.<br>
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I know that these symptoms I have have affected my jobs in the past. I've tried to compensate for them with other skills, such as trying to be dependable, covering for other people when they needed me to, being patient, gentle, and trying to work well with a variety of people, but I have a bad memory, a short attention span, and the ability to confuse information easily. Before I came to school I worked several 9 to 5 jobs, and while they all started out fine, most of them eventually became problematic because of my depression, adhd and socialization deficiencies. I have a hard time hiding these, and some situations really make them flare up. I can't necessarily blame people for getting frustrated with me on job sites for having these issues, and sadly I've found that it's hard to have enough positive traits to counter balance a lack of some essential communication, attention and memory skills. <br>
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What can I do? Who can I go to? I'm already treating the problems I know I have, like ADHD and depression with medication, but this is a big problem, it feels like a cancer that has always been growing in me, and now it's been there so long it's a part of me. I don't feel normal, I know I never will. All I want is to be able to figure out how to pretend I'm not messed up and have people believe me. How do I keep this from continuing to cause problems in my life? Can anyone offer any advice? I don't know who to go to, and I don't know what I can do to help stop these problems. It's too intimate a problem to bring up with a lot of my friends...or anyone I know really.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.226075Fri, 05 Oct 2012 19:56:19 -0800RosengeistMoving away to university in September. What can I do to meet people, and improve my abysmal social life, confidence, and interpersonal skills?http://ask.metafilter.com/222337/Moving%2Daway%2Dto%2Duniversity%2Din%2DSeptember%2DWhat%2Dcan%2DI%2Ddo%2Dto%2Dmeet%2Dpeople%2Dand%2Dimprove%2Dmy%2Dabysmal%2Dsocial%2Dlife%2Dconfidence%2Dand%2Dinterpersonal%2Dskills
Moving away to university in September. What can I do to meet people, and improve my abysmal social life, confidence, and interpersonal skills? I have felt like a lone wolf for almost all of my teenage and young adult life. Although I’ve always had a small group of friends, I never really felt that they were that great or compelled to hang out with them. I had a long-term girlfriend for awhile which was a great confidence booster, and allowed me to focus on one person for companionship. But since that has ended, apart from reconnecting with my friends a bit, I have felt pretty much solitary.<br>
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I don’t think it’s because of any one reason, rather just a mix low self-esteem most my life, small group of friends without opportunity to network, and a bit of approach anxiety maybe. Up until now I have been pretty much fine with this. But since my last relationship ended I have felt my confidence improve, and a desire for better company and friends.<br>
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I’m moving to a new city for the first time in my life in September. I won’t know anyone, and I feel this would be a good opportunity for me to come out of my shell and try to meet new people. Since I will not be living in the dorms, I have planned a few things to do in my new city to help me: I have applied as a volunteer for a youth group in the area, hopefully to help me build confidence and network a bit. I have reluctantly bought ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, which I have heard recommended countless times. I am also ready to join a club and study groups to help me network at school. Also, I feel like I am confident enough to engage with the person next to me in class, when usually I would shut up and keep to myself.<br>
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Basically I don’t want to be a lone wolf anymore, I would like a group of good people to be around and have fun. I’m well dressed and friendly, just lack the confidence to get out there. So I’m curious if anyone else has experience moving to a new city, and how they managed to meet new people. What advice do you have for someone who has been a solitary person for most of their life?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.222337Wed, 15 Aug 2012 15:04:20 -0800Snorlaxhow to form a group of girlfriends at age 30?http://ask.metafilter.com/205697/how%2Dto%2Dform%2Da%2Dgroup%2Dof%2Dgirlfriends%2Dat%2Dage%2D30
How can I form a group of close, lifelong girlfriends when I'm almost 30? I'm pretty shy, but I love having close friends. I've gotten to a point where I have 5 or 6 close girlfriends, but they are dispersed around the world and most don't know each other. Worse, only two of them are in the state where I live now. One will be moving to Canada in April and the other is a busy new mom. I have a boyfriend I've been with for 7 months and a busy social calendar, but I really long for a group of close, lifelong girlfriends. I'm talking about the kind of girls who know each other inside out, will be at the hospital as soon as one of us has a baby, will throw wedding showers for each other, will plan girls nights weekly and go on vacation together once a year. I envy women with a big groups of girlfriends who have all known each other since high school or college and have been through everything together. Even though I have an active social life, I feel isolated. Is it possible to find a support system like this when I'm almost 30? How can I go about making friends like this? I find it's easy to make a new friend here and there or, conversely, to be part of a superficial social group. But I can't figure out how to form a tight-knit group of girlfriends at my age. <br>
I know part of the problem is my shyness, but I really don't know where to even start. It takes me longer to make friends, but once a friendship forms I'm pretty loyal and a good friend. Does anyone have any strategies?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.205697Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:49:58 -0800sunrisecoffeeDo I lack social skills? http://ask.metafilter.com/205656/Do%2DI%2Dlack%2Dsocial%2Dskills
I think I'm doing fine, but my friends tell me I'm not. I am a lone child and perhaps that has something to do with how I am. But I have a problem. My friends think I'm acting overly non-social. For example, one friend wonders why I haven't got to be friends with all of his friends. Usually it's no problem and everyone gets along, but with me, nope. And I'm being defined as a person who doesn't open up to others, who isn't open for anything new, etc.<br>
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But when I'm by myself and not with my friends, I feel I'm an allright person socially; just a bit quiet among people I don't know well. Now I get this told often, and it's starting to piss me off, since I get sad and starting thinking there's something wrong with me or that I have to be overly conscious about "getting to know everyone" as if it's a goal that has to be achieved. Main reason is to be open and create unexpected situations in a normal day; instead I'm at home enjoyed myself 5 out of 7 days a week - the rest I'm out having fun with my selected friends on bars etc. <br>
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Why do I keep thinking my friends are actually right, and something's really wrong with me? It's always hard to see yourself from outside, so I really can't rely solely on my own self-perception - but it also seems like my friends want me to be like them or something. It's like they can't accept me as who I am. And even if they do, they will think that I'm wasting a positive side of life, by not being as social and open as they are.<br>
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Are they right?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.205656Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:03:13 -0800LotsofcoffeeHelp an ENTP narrow down their career path choices....http://ask.metafilter.com/205206/Help%2Dan%2DENTP%2Dnarrow%2Ddown%2Dtheir%2Dcareer%2Dpath%2Dchoices
In the last couple months I've come to realize that I am not alone. My personality is my problem and it is what has made this post-college thing so hard on me.
ENTPs are sort of visionaries who can be the best and innovate and succeed at anything we put our heart to but we get bored very easily if we aren't socially, creatively satisfied and doing some "analysis" or "innovation" or "problem solving". We also don't take well to being "told what to do".
(Sort of like a cross between Steve Jobs (visionary, creative, secretly self-obsessed) Calvin (from the comic), Jack Sparrow, The Joker, and Wile E. Coyote. ) All of these have their "downsides" or "impossibilities" associated with them but they are all things I can see myself being fairly happy doing...some more than others....<br>
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novelist<br>
futures/equities(stock) trader<br>
innovation/strategy consultant<br>
venture capitalist<br>
film editor<br>
relationship/seduction coach<br>
bounty hunter/surety recovery agent<br>
also i want to learn sign language at some point<br>
architect (designing cool houses)<br>
semipro poker<br>
overseas english teacher<br>
publisher/editor/literary agent<br>
entrepreneur<br>
marketing/branding<br>
bartending (good way to pass the time)<br>
restaurant/bar/club owner<br>
travel journalist<br>
lawyer (don’t want to be a lawyer but i would kick ass at it)<br>
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Anyways, how do you go about narrowing this list down?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.205206Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:43:43 -0800sawyerrrrRelocating from NYC all by myself and scared. Anyone have any experience/advice?http://ask.metafilter.com/205094/Relocating%2Dfrom%2DNYC%2Dall%2Dby%2Dmyself%2Dand%2Dscared%2DAnyone%2Dhave%2Dany%2Dexperienceadvice
Relocating from NYC all by myself and scared. Anyone have any experience/advice? I've passed the first two actuarial exams, and asking those in the business has lead me to believe that I probably will have a fairly easy time looking for an entry-level position, especially if I don't restrict myself geographically.<br>
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I'm from New York City, and while there certainly is a plethora of things I dislike about the city, there are things I think I'd miss (e.g. the vast profusion of stores and cafes, the subway).<br>
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I don't have any emotional ties to anyone here, so I'm starting to seriously contemplate whether I should/could move someplace else to start my career (e.g. Seattle, California, Colorado). <br>
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I'm into trying new things, but in this case I'm apprehensive and dare I say frightened of moving somewhere completely new, not knowing anyone. I don't want to move somewhere and be alone - I was fine with this my first few years in graduate school, but I realize now that socializing with people makes me really happy and fulfilled. Right now I have no one, really, but I want to build a strong social circle wherever I go.<br>
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Does anyone have any advice, comments, or relevant experience, general or particular, that could help? <br>
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Much obliged :).tag:ask.metafilter.com,2012:site.205094Sat, 07 Jan 2012 11:06:56 -0800brighteyes7I'm done with freezing up when I talk. Help me become a better conversationalist.http://ask.metafilter.com/196212/Im%2Ddone%2Dwith%2Dfreezing%2Dup%2Dwhen%2DI%2Dtalk%2DHelp%2Dme%2Dbecome%2Da%2Dbetter%2Dconversationalist
I'm done with freezing up when I talk. Help me become a better conversationalist. I admit it. I stay quiet most of the time. I try to avoid one-on-one conversations because inevitably, I freeze up and don't know what to say and how to respond.<br>
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I've tried to read books and practice getting better. I try tricks like thinking "why?" to people's statements.<br>
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But it's hard, and I need to get better fast because avoiding the people I used to be great friends with just because there are awkward silences during our conversations is truly affecting my friendships, relationships, and life in general.<br>
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What are some suggestions on becoming better at having conversations? How do I avoid freezing up all the time? How do I become like some of my friends who jump into a conversation and have it flow perfectly?<br>
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Thank you so much.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2011:site.196212Fri, 16 Sep 2011 14:30:00 -0800suburbsHave I pruned my facebook friend list too much?http://ask.metafilter.com/190408/Have%2DI%2Dpruned%2Dmy%2Dfacebook%2Dfriend%2Dlist%2Dtoo%2Dmuch
I've pruned my facebook friends list quite a bit. Am I going overboard or should I "refriend" some back? At this point, I mainly keep facebook active so that I can be somewhere accessable. I've defriended a sizable portion of my facebook friends as of late. The reasons include:<br>
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-General inactivity with said friend, unlikely to speak with/see on a regular basis again.<br>
-Using feed to post things on religion/politics that I am uncomfortable with (I am fairly liberal)<br>
-Bragging on much of their status updates<br>
-(for some high school friends) Wasn't friends with all that closely IRL, or they were enablers/thought of me only as one-dimensional roles I long grew out of.<br>
-People with "inflated" friend counts (kinda a tiebreaker if they have been inactive with me)<br>
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And probably others. Plus I have been into minimizing my belongings more than ever. I'm also at the point where I don't do status updates of my own.<br>
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I'd like to keep facebook and make it into a small, positive aspect of my life. And I'm in the quarterlife stage where I am having struggles with my social life (let's not focus on that, it's just a point). Should I just add/readd anyone who I like and am on decent terms with, even if the odds of reconnecting on a regular/IRL basis are slim (and do more news feed hiding)? Maybe there's a networking possibility or such out there. I almost wish I had a "fan page" and "personal page".<br>
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And if I do refriend, I'm tempted to do the "add a personal message" so that I'm not blindly readded just to build someone's count. Probably other layers to peel, but let's focus on the site.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2011:site.190408Sun, 10 Jul 2011 18:36:49 -0800lankfordAlready changing my career!?http://ask.metafilter.com/189483/Already%2Dchanging%2Dmy%2Dcareer
Interested in changing my career PT, Lawyer, Teacher? ..but what should I know before. I am now almost a year out of college and have given up trying to figure out what I want to pursue from what I majored in.<br>
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As background information, I graduated with Recreation Management as a major. While at the time I was day dreaming I would be working outside in the wilderness all day for the NPS or something similar, I have come to now find myself working in marketing/pr for a land advocacy org. Which is great, but I just don't seem to get the fulfillment I'd hope for out of the job. Much of it is sitting behind a computer, on the phone, inside...not much of what I imagined.<br>
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From the beginning I was on the fence about this major and now its been about 2 years and I'm just ready to give up and do something different. <br>
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I'm just unsure as to what that next thing will be and I'm looking to mefi's to help me identify and fine tune strengths, interests, etc.<br>
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I enjoy being outside, if not outside I love being around people. I am very personable and can relate easily to people. Many think of me as flexible, adaptable, friendly. I always like to help people in any way possible. A few things I do dislike are sitting behind the computer all day, not moving around, not feeling active, not feeling useful. A few of my interests are hiking, cycling, skiing..(saying this makes me interested in even doing adaptive skiing/cycling programs).<br>
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I enjoy computers for the most part though especially for personal use, it's more or less just the fact that I'm sitting behind it all day is what bugs me.<br>
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Looking into other careers I have always been fascinated with rec therapy which was the other area that my major could have led me provided I took health science courses and labs. I chose more the business route. With the downturn of the economy I feel like this sector just isn't doing well and most positions are part-time. I am considering physical therapy but the hang up on pursuing that is all of the science courses I would need to take. I am not very strong in science or math and I know as a PT its all the core requirements. <br>
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With that said are there any other careers or ideas I should maybe look into in the health field or elsewhere? Also maybe more information about being a physical therapist? It sounds like an amazing career, very rewarding, and most PTs are upbeat happy and content with their work. There's many paths you can take with it as well - opening your own practice, different settings, etc.<br>
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I have also considered being a lawyer, as some folks mention that it would be a great opportunity to help people, sociable job for the most part, and I don't mind reading/writing as I'm doing much of that now.<br>
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Being a teacher also seems like a great path although I don't know what subject I would even do well in teaching. I'd probably just work well with the students and inspiring them.<br>
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Then there is the possibility working in an outdoor camp with troubled youth or those with disabilities which eventually could lead me to a M.A. in social work? I just feel like that career path could be a bit rocky.<br>
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Any comments, suggestions, words of advice - I seem to just get stuck on this everyday and feel like I'm just treading water lately. :(tag:ask.metafilter.com,2011:site.189483Tue, 28 Jun 2011 20:27:37 -0800melizabethDoomed to play WoW for the rest of my nights??http://ask.metafilter.com/188595/Doomed%2Dto%2Dplay%2DWoW%2Dfor%2Dthe%2Drest%2Dof%2Dmy%2Dnights
Am I being unreasonable or should I be looking for new friends? I've pretty much had no social life since all my friends have turned 21. They tend to stay out until 3-4 nightly now that school is out, come back home super drunk and super loud, then be too hungover for the rest of the morning, afternoon, and early evening to be functional to do anything. Once night rolls around, they just go out again and the cycle repeats.<br>
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Is it too much of me to ask them to be a bit more courteous? I understand that out of the 6 of us, I'm the only one who isn't 21 and that I shouldn't be expected to hang out with them as much since they're enjoying the Chicago nightlife now. I'm also afraid that once I do turn 21 in January, I still won't have a social life since my friends have told me outright that they will probably be too broke, too tired of going out, or both to do anything after I'm 21. Every time I suggest we do something in the daytime and nondrinking related, they've all been telling me to get a fake ID, but seeing how I want to work for the government and apply to military officer schools next year, getting caught with a fake would dash those plans.<br>
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Am I being too impatient and/or too needy here? Should I find new friends? Where would I even go to find new friends (I'm going to be a senior in college), especially during the summer?? I can't take advantage of all the fun summer things (running on Lake Shore, pick up ultimate frisbee, SummerDance, yoga in the park, etc) in Chicago either because I recently got put into a big clunky boot for a torn tendon.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2011:site.188595Fri, 17 Jun 2011 12:23:16 -0800astapasta24Stellaaaa!http://ask.metafilter.com/168719/Stellaaaa
In balancing my budget, I found that I have, while not champagne tastes, microbrew tastes on a PBR budget. Help me brainstorm ways to drink on the cheap! The closest previous post I could find was <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/96521/How-to-balance-my-budget-and-my-social-life">this</a>, in which a hip flask is suggested. While I do quite enjoy a good bourbon, I find myself drinking beer these days. Expensive, delicious, small-batch craft beer.<br>
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Can anyone think of ways to reduce these costs? I live in a very, very small town, and already cook 99% of my meals, make my own coffee, and frequently have people over for potlucks, game nights, etc., yet my discretionary income is being frittered away on...craft beer. Doh! <br>
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I am not all that interested in brainstorming other ways to reduce the number of nights going out, because frankly, that and the TiVo are the only things that keep me going in this place some days. Rather, I'm interested in ways to still be social with my friends, join in for happy hours, but either reconcile my tastes (I know, I'm a terrible snob) with my budget or adjust the amount I'm drinking. I never seem to have more than one or two at a time, but looking at my bank statements, boy does it add up.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2010:site.168719Mon, 25 Oct 2010 16:09:30 -0800stellalunaAvoiding undergraduate regrethttp://ask.metafilter.com/165230/Avoiding%2Dundergraduate%2Dregret
Looking for advice on avoiding undergraduate regret... After not getting into a high-end private school and failing to transfer to one, it's looking like I'm going to end up spending two or three more years at a state school most people attend for its football team than for academics. While I'm not bothered by a sports presence, and I'm definitely getting a lot out of college academically, I worry perpetually that I'm not getting the social experience I would get at a school like Harvard or Yale; conversations are more likely to be about the big game than academic jokes or philosophy. I've found friends in varying capacities, but I still feel like I'm missing a critical component of undergraduate life, and I'm worried that I'm going to be screwed out of that experience for my entire lifetime. I really feel passionately about this; I'm crying as I write these words. I'm just very concerned that I'm missing out on something precious and valuable that's worth more than I can imagine.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2010:site.165230Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:18:54 -0800LSKHow to respond to deceit/lying in a professional setting?http://ask.metafilter.com/148029/How%2Dto%2Drespond%2Dto%2Ddeceitlying%2Din%2Da%2Dprofessional%2Dsetting
How to respond to deceit/lying in a professional setting?</strong> - Professionals lying in order to save face after unprofessional behavior. After moving to NYC from Scandinavia, my (American) wife and I have repeatedly faced situations in which clever, well-educated, and succesful people try to make me (or her) responsible for their own mistakes by lying or being deceitful. Most of the time, people either forget to do something they promised, they think they are too busy/important to listen to me (her) and thus misinterpret something, or are simply lazy. One example of many:<br>
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<strong>Job application:</strong><br>
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An HR-person has suggested a date for my job interview. I reply and ask for a more precise time and location. She never gets back to me. The date of the scheduled interview comes, and I assume she has blown me off and does not want me to show up at all. She then emails me, asking why I did not show up. I respond kindly that she has not confirmed with me, and I do not even know the address, precise time, location or anything.<br>
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She claims to have sent a confirmation email with details, and states that it must have ended up in my junk mail. I have added her to my preferred sender list, and my junk mail is empty. It does not auto-delete. So, I know she is lying.<br>
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We have been thinking how to respond to these incidents. We talked about this issue, and realized that<br>
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<strong>a)</strong> accepting this kind of behavior by personally accepting blame and (saying that I missed the email, when I did not) is degrading and mentally unhealthy in the long run. If I do this, I essentially let people treat me as their personal dumping ground. Still, this is an easy way out, but may also cause professional problems later on.<br>
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<strong>b)</strong> stating explicitly that I have taken care of my part flawlessly, and that the person in question is lying, always makes people furious. They really get mad, and many times start yelling and freaking out. Still, it is personally tempting, as it is inherently wrong to even implicitly blame other people for your own mistakes. Further, confronting the liar openly is psychologically sound, as it is likely to lessen lying and I don’t let him/her to push me. However, it can really burn bridges.<br>
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<strong>c)</strong> There is a middle ground by responding that my email works fine (she is white listed, and my junk mail is empty). Then, the problem must be in <em>her email</em> system. This is a softer approach to confront the liar. Still, we both felt a little bit shitty afterwords, as this approach is essentially playing the liar’s game, and the liars have a tendency to be crabby about this response.<br>
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<strong>Q1:</strong> What kind of strategies do you use to mitigate these kinds of issues in your everyday life?<br>
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<strong>Q2:</strong> What is the socially ”correct way” (according to good manners) to behave in this situation? Especially if it is a job/professionally related situation.<br>
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<strong>Q3: </strong>What is the logic of the liar? From our standpoint, it is more respectable to admit one’s mistake, as it is simply human and everybody makes mistakes, than lose trust and seem like a total jerk by lying and getting caught immediately. For example, how come a Harvard etc. grad (or someone with extremely high qualifications in their field) can be so naive that he/she believes he/she can get away with that? <br>
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<strong>Q4:</strong> Other thoughts? Do we just have to learn to suck it up? Or, how do we get past other people trying to dump the responsibility of the mess they have created/their own faults or lack of organization into our laps?<br>
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We saw <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/84347/DoucheBaggery-at-Work-How-do-we-protect-ourselves-from-future-slander">this already</a>.<br>
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Thanks.<br>
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DBtag:ask.metafilter.com,2010:site.148029Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:44:08 -0800DoggiebreathHow do I meet female friends who're like me?http://ask.metafilter.com/113285/How%2Ddo%2DI%2Dmeet%2Dfemale%2Dfriends%2Dwhore%2Dlike%2Dme
Where's a good place to meet women like me, in my area, online or in real life? As I get older, I find that I have fewer female friends who are similar to myself in age and interests. Most of my peers are busy with children or high-stress careers, while I keep occupied with a job that's pretty much just a job, a dog, and an interest in the fine arts. I'd like to meet women more like myself, but so far have hit a lot of dead ends. I even placed a "w4w platonic" ad on Craigslist, but had few responses, and none of those really worked out. I hung out on the artists' site WetCanvas for a while, but the women I encountered there were either too religious or too busy with family.<br>
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Ideally, I'd like to meet liberal women in their 40s and up, involved in the arts, whose lives don't revolve around their offspring (certainly no disparagement intended to the childed, but I'm not into kids and am not comfortable with friends who can't leave the house without theirs). I'd like them to be dog-friendly, if possible, for occasional dog park visits and that sort of thing. Married or not isn't important, as long as they'd have time to hang out without the husbands now and then.<br>
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Since I'm interested in "real-life" friends and not just internet buddies, I thought there might be some local groups or events that I hadn't thought about trying (I'm in the Seattle area). I'm taking an evening class, but most of the other women are a lot younger than I am. I'm not opposed to having friends younger than myself, but I feel like I would benefit from the kind of relationship you have with someone who is almost as much a mentor as a friend, if that makes sense. <br>
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I don't want this to come across as judgmental or too particular, so if it does, maybe I need a wake-up call to open my mind to more different kinds of people. And I do have friends who are none of the things I've listed above: younger, with kids, conservative, etc. But I would like it if I had some leads on where I could go or what I could do to narrow down my choices and meet women more like me. It seems like there should be some kind of eHarmony or Match.com for friends!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2009:site.113285Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:50:27 -0800TochterAusElysiumHelp me build a better social real-life network in 2009 ! http://ask.metafilter.com/109988/Help%2Dme%2Dbuild%2Da%2Dbetter%2Dsocial%2Dreallife%2Dnetwork%2Din%2D2009
My new year resolution is to do more/better real-life networking : more/better acquaintances, more/better friends, more/better relationships.
I need tips and tricks on how to get a generous-sized addres book and an improved social life and what to do once I meet these potential new friends. I'm not a social magnet but I'm no shrinking violet either. I think I am good at empathy and listening. The better people know me the better they like me but I protect my soft/generous inside with a protective shell. The thickness of this shell depends on the circumstances with a maximum around first contact and lowering when I feel I can trust the person. Because I tend to trust 100% and don't like to be disappointed in that department.<br>
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My ADHD and creative personality sometimes makes me look or sound like someone from another planet because I saw, thought or said something off the beaten path. Socially, this curse/blessing of having creativity is a powerful potential-new-friends repellent.<br>
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The <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/102660/How-Do-You-Make-Friends-From-Strangers">join a club</a>, <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/95925/I-need-a-new-social-life-pronto">get involved in a charity</a> <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/43257/Skill-with-people">previous advices</a> are partially irrelevant : I need to know what to do in the step of the process where I actually meet people. How can I stay my creative, lateral-thinking self and not drive people i just met to the other end of the room as fast as socially acceptable ?<br>
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So... I want a better professional and personal network. What do I do ?<br>
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Are there any really useful books or web sites ? Things to always carry in my pocket ? <br>
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I have a free <a href="http://www.highrisehq.com/">highrise </a>account that runs the pro network side. My fixed-line phone plan allows me to call any number in my country for a fixed amount so I can call around a lot. I usually carry business cards with me. I will attend for the first time an adult ADHD support group in the first half of january.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2008:site.109988Thu, 25 Dec 2008 05:30:22 -0800BaudI'm all doom and gloomhttp://ask.metafilter.com/107788/Im%2Dall%2Ddoom%2Dand%2Dgloom
Help me with my negativity! I came to the US several years ago from a different country. Where I grew up it is culturally accepted to complain about pretty much anything. A lot of conversations revolve around complaining about your job, taxes, or anything else. The more I think about it, it seems that this is a way which allows people to connect immediately. Anybody has something to complain about and misery loves company! It's actually "known" in my country that people in the US are always overly positive and it's viewed as being superficial.<br>
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However, I live in the US now and from my observations it seems as if negativity and complaining is frowned upon. Is this correct? I'm just not sure how strongly many Americans feel about this.<br>
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I think I have trouble adjusting to this and it's hurting my social life. I meet people and we start of great but eventually they start avoiding me. Maybe avoiding is too extreme, they just don't seek out my company anymore. I have tried to change different behaviors that I think might put people off and I now think that it is due to my negativity. How can I be more positive? I sometimes consciously try to be more upbeat and positive in a conversation but the temptation is great and eventually I start complaining about something. It has been so ingrained in me in my home country that it's something hard to change, even though I really would like to. Any advice on improving my American social skills?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2008:site.107788Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:48:46 -0800Anonymouswork cliqueshttp://ask.metafilter.com/76188/work%2Dcliques
Social situation at work is making feel like I'm in junior high again. What is the appropriate response? I was invited to colleague A's home along with a few other colleagues for drinks after work on a Friday. It was good fun. A couple weeks later that same colleague A indicated that she planned to see me at colleague B's home after work, and I indicated that I didn't get that invitation. Colleague A is a little embarrassed and insists that it was just an oversight. Not so. This group has continued to meet without including me, which is fine, until colleague A invites me back to her house with the same group of people. <br>
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Most of my social life is centered around work, which is not a good thing, but it's what I have right now. I really like colleague A (in fact I really like the other folks who apparently don't like hanging with me), appreciate the invitation, and would like to spend some down time with her, but how do I handle the other part of the problem?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2007:site.76188Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:47:44 -0800SMPHow to balance social life with full load of college studies?http://ask.metafilter.com/72481/How%2Dto%2Dbalance%2Dsocial%2Dlife%2Dwith%2Dfull%2Dload%2Dof%2Dcollege%2Dstudies
Little Sister advice for balancing new social life and college My baby sister just started her first year of college. She graduated in may as salutatorian from a very small school. She is very intelligent and is studying to become a registered nurse. In a recent telephone conversation she mentioned to me that she is struggling to balance her very new social life with studies. She is from a small town and an equally small school. There she had a very limited social life. In her new town there is a big university, friends, activities like football games, and BOYS! I want to help her learn how to balance these activities but I have never been in that position. Do you have any helpful advice? What helped you to balance studying and having a social life in school? I think she needs to have fun but not loose any grade points over it! Thank you for any help!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2007:site.72481Wed, 26 Sep 2007 19:59:04 -0800Snoogylips