I was gone last week at a family camp in Nebraska. It gave me a good bit of time to think about all the lessons God has taught me over the past few years. These are lessons about abiding in Him, resting in Him, and worshiping Him in everything, including body image and food and exercise. Out of those thoughts, I wanted to share a particular and somewhat popular (in my opinion: hurtful) part of the dieting/healthy mindset that made my recovery especially difficult.

I dislike the term ‘cheat day’. To me it seems to be one of the buzz terms that is often tossed around in the dieting and healthy living world. For me, the idea of the cheat day was far from healthy. In fact, cheat days became one of the most unhealthy parts of my recovery.

When I first began to pursue the road to recovery, I was afraid of going ‘all out’ with my eating. I wanted to eat enough, while still eating in a generally ‘healthy’ manner for most of the days. I selected one of those days to be the day to ‘break the bank’ before I got back to my routine.

However, the idea of a cheat day erased ‘moderation’ from my mindset. I would eat a huge bowl of cereal, even though I wasn’t hungry, just because it was a cheat day. Often, I wasn’t even grateful for the food I ate. Instead, I would be depressed about ‘eating too much,’ and I would make plans to start anew the next day. The cycle continued over and over and over.

I knew that I couldn’t continue this way, because food consumed my life just as much as it did before recovery. The problem was that I was still focused on food. I didn’t think about God providing the food for me. I didn’t think about enjoying food over fellowship with my family and friends. I could not think about anything else. Food continued to rule my life instead of Jesus Christ, and it kept dragging me down. I didn’t listen to my body and the hunger cues God gave me. Instead I focused on my ‘food’ idol, and it greatly stunted the recovery process.

What happened to stop this? I guess you could say that I became so sick of feeling ‘overly full’ all the time, and I learned how much more satisfying it was to have a small bowl of ice cream every day instead of 3 bowls on one day of the week.

I finally learned and am learning that it’s good to have your cake and eat it too. Do I consume whole cakes and pies on a regular basis? No. But I don’t go days without dessert just because I’m trying to be ‘healthy.’ I’m not obsessed over the idea of having a salad or a dessert every day, but if everybody else is having icecream, and I think it sounds good, I’ll have a bowl and thank God for it!

This is why I love the hashtag, #balancednotclean, that accompanies many of the recovery posts on Instagram. That is how I would describe my eating today. It’s fairly balanced. Are there days I don’t eat very many vegetables? Yes. Yet, I love eating vegetables, and I usually won’t turn down the opportunity to craft a giant salad as well as an icecream sundae. I can eat macaroni and cheese and salad and thank God for the carbs, proteins, and fats that He gives my body to fuel it everyday for His work!

(I couldn’t switch the photo. It wanted to stay sideways, so I guess you have to tilt your head to enjoy the macaroni and cheese and salmon I had on Saturday)

Food is just that. It’s fuel. It’s fellowship with my family. It’s not my idol, because Jesus is the one whom I worship. He is the one who makes me, molds me, protects me, and loves me, and it is in Him that I live and move and have my being.

This is kind of how I feel tonight after my first full day of Fitbloggin’… Ok, I’ll be totally honest. I feel like that inside after all the information and teaching I was given, but physically I feel more like… a sloth.

Thank you Jump Sport ladies for getting this picture of me going crazy. I LOVE trampolines. They seriously make me feel like I’m a kid again. The double +++ is that I look like I’m 14 or 15, so that helps the ‘feel like a kid’ part.

Everyone comes to a new place or experience with some sorts of expectations. Admit it. We all do. And we always ask ourselves, ‘Did this meet that expectation or not meet my expectations or far exceed my expectations?

Well, Fitbloggin’ is my first conference I’ve gone to that has been focused on blogging and fitness. I’d read so many recaps. I had seen pictures of the food, the people, the classes, and sessions, so, yes, I had a few expectations.

1. I expected to meet people, to find bloggers I had never heard of before, because, the blogging world is SO HUGE. There’s tiny bloggers, like me, middle sized bloggers, big bloggers, and HUGE bloggers. At this conference there was a mix of everybody. I actually really liked that, because I felt like I could learn from others, remember the importance of being REAL, in the midst of trying to grow my blog, relate to the smaller bloggers (a little bit better. I just don’t know what it’s like to have 5000 or even 1000 followers.), and just build friendships.

I met people like Martha from A Dietitian Eats. I also met Ivanna from Petite Heartbeat (She has an amazing heart and blogs about things like anxiety and panic (things I struggle with regarding eating and exercise) from a Christian perspective. :))) Her heart shined through my conversation with her. . . You need to go on Youtube and subscribe to her workout channel too!

I met at least 15 or 20 other bloggers today, and I can’t wait to share more of them and their unique stories with y’all!

2. I was *sheepish grin* looking forward to the food. I’m not the kind of person who really has the time at this point in my life to search out gourmet food. If I had more time, I would love to cook those kind of dishes shown on Food Network, but that’s not really possible for where I am right now, so it was SUCH a treat to eat the breakfast this morning (real oatmeal, plain yogurt, which they almost never have at hotel breakfasts, fresh fruit, brown sugar, nuts.)

Lunch was equally good with a sandwich bar, a fresh green salad with this delicious vinaigrette, CHEESE (I can’t believe I used to hate cheese), potato salad, and yummy chewy bread.

And… while we were eating lunch, there was a presentation by Soybu showcasing several of their outlets on different bloggers. They have some pretty cute outfits, I must say. They even had a beautiful maxi-skirt.

I drank this smoothie tonight. It was SO delicious. Super creamy, not too sweet, and satisfying! I often don’t get enough protein often, and I find that protein shakes are one of the easiest, tastiest ways to get enough in, especially after a day of hard workouts. Zumba is pretty intense, y’all! O_O

General Mills provided a ‘Make your Own Trail Mix’ bar with bags for you to make a bag of trail mix with a variety of cereals like Chex, granola, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cheerios, and toppings to make a super delicious bag of trail mix for you to dig your hungry hands in, like I did tonight after my brick workout at the hotel. General Mills is also working to reduce their sugar content in their cereal, and I was amazed at the facts sheet they provided. Many of their cereals are under 10 grams of sugar per serving now, which I think is pretty good. Disclaimer: I’m not a dietitian, so don’t take this as an expert’s advice.

And all the swag I just got today. I plan to dig into those bars with my family later… :))

4. I’ve realized today that the heart behind my blog really does fill a niche. I haven’t met any bloggers today that specifically targeted eating disorder recovery, and that’s what I love about blogging. I love finding a niche and creating a voice, a brand, and story to share with others. My story is of how Jesus Christ has worked in me to put Him above everything else. 🙂 What’s your story?

So far, it’s been great. My stomach is finally full of snacks and fitbloggin’ food, and shh… but I even got to meet and talk to Roni. She comes across JUST like she does on her blog in real life. Authenticity, y’all! That’s what it’s about.

Have you ever been to a fitblogging conference? Was it scary?

Did the conference meet your expectations? Did you make a lot of new friends?

The Life of the Writer

I live in the beautiful state of Colorado where 14ers are to give you all the sore legs you need, amazing skiing, plenty of other runners, glorious sunsets, majestic elk herds, and peaceful country roads with clear air.

Go Back in Time!

Go Back in Time!

I am a very ordinary girl. I’m 21, but if you met me, you wouldn’t believe me. I am passionate about girls finding true beauty in Christ. I love peanut butter, icecream, and salad. My hobbies are cooking, baking, sharing laughs and tears with others, and sharing the fullness of joy that Christ has put in me. I love reading other blogs, and I hope that this will be a place where you can find encouragement, recipes, smiles, and joy. Click here to read more about me...