Paranoia...

I just ran off to pay the rent. When I walked out of the apartment, security was patrolling my hallway. And my first thought was "I wonder how many security guards we have... I really would prefer that one be within earshot once I'm out in the open."

I don't live in a remotely bad neighborhood. When the police came about my identity theft, the police officer actually asked how many square feet and how much rent, because apparently, in his experience, this is a terribly safe place to live. Safe enough that he was considering moving here.

This complex, this building, is locked up pretty tight. I only had to use my keys on the outside doors three times to get from here to paying rent and back, on top of the gates around the complex. And there were people out and about.

And really, I could have just asked the security guard to walk with me. But I didn't, because it didn't even occur to me. Which is silly since I have their phone number handy for just such an occasion.

I'm just... paranoid. Afraid of the dark. It really did make me uneasy that the security guard was up here out of earshot while I was walking... you know, after dark, but before midnight.

And this little fear of mine just crops up on me sometimes. Most nights, I think nothing of running to the gas station or walking across the complex by myself at night. But the last few days, I've felt like I am about to fall down and break my leg, or wreck my car, or... something. I've felt really uncontrollably physically fragile.