08 July 2010

One year and one day after my surgery...All right, I'll stop counting, at least on this blog. Still, it's hard not to think about the first anniversary of my surgery, which passed yesterday.

Tonight I was riding my bike home from my class. I was in Jackson Heights, about two and a half miles from my place, when someone called out, "Hello, Professor!"

I recognized the voice, which I hadn't heard in a couple of years. It belonged to Navendra, who'd been a student of mine. He did well, and he was one of those students who always seemed happy to see me. And the feeling has always been mutual.

He's working on his master's degree in accounting in Queens College. He took a class with me on the recommendation of his friend Sajid, who took three and sent me a "Happy Birthday" e-mail. Now Sajid is at the Harvard School of Public Policy. He and Navendra are both the kinds of people who could do anything they set out to do. I have written letters of reference for both of them and do the same for either of them.

It's funny that yesterday I was reflecting on how I have changed, and am changing, since my surgery. But seeing Navendra again, I felt that in some way I hadn't changed at all--and I felt good about it. Somehow, neither he nor Sajid seemed consigned to my past, as some people with whom I was living, working and simply spending time with not much more than a year ago now seem--not to mention those who decided, for whatever reasons, they wanted no part of me after I started my transition.

Perhaps my perception of Navendra and Sajid has to do with the fact that they're progressing with their lives. Of course, it hasn't always been a steady progression: About a year after he graduated (three years ago), Sajid was having a tough time: Something hadn't worked out as he'd hoped, and he had to re-evaluate some choices he'd made. But I always have had confidence in him, and I think he knew that. I'm sure other people did, too. Sometimes I think he was worried that he was letting us down. Actually, I don't feel let down by anyone who's progressing in whatever way he or she needs to--even if that means taking a step back and re-thinking something.

And, when I see someone growing and changing, I do not have a stagnant image of him or her. On the other hand, some people are still in the same places, spiritually and even physically, as they were when I first met them. I realized that about one former friend of mine, with whom I reunited (albeit briefly) after a long absence. We were having exactly the same conversations as we'd had when we were college undergraduates--or, more precisely, I was listening to the same monologue as I was listening to back in those days. I was simply hearing it again in a cafe on the other side of the world. (It sounds like a dystopian version of Casablanca, if such a thing is possible.) After that, I was really glad I've never gone to a reunion of any school I ever attended.

I remember telling Marci, only half-jokingly, that I want to be her when I grow up. I'm starting to think that what you become when you grow up isn't as important as simply growing up--or just growing, period, and surrounding yourself with people who are.

Here I Am!

Welcome to Transwoman Times

One year before that, I began Transwoman Times to recount the medical, emotional, spiritual and other events of the year of my life leading up to my surgery.

The moment I was well enough to boot up my laptop, I decided to continue this blog. For the moment, I plan to describe my experiences during my "first" year of my "new" life. And, perhaps, I will continue this blog beyond that.

Most of what you read in Transwoman Times will be written by me. If I haven't written it, it will have come from a song, poem, or any other piece of writing ranging from a classic novel to a tabloid article. These references will be duly acknowledged: I might borrow, but I don't steal (or beg).

Although I started Transwoman Times for selfish reasons (i.e., I enjoy writing and I want an outlet for my feelings and a record of my experience.) , I hope you find this interesting, inspirational or of some other value. Maybe it will apall or simply bore you. In any case, please keep on reading and pass this along to friends, co-workers, in-laws and whomever else you want to read this. And, if you want to link this to your website, please feel free to do so, and just let me know. (Hey, I might be interested in your website!)So, I hope this enlightens, entertains or moves you in some other way. If nothing else, you are reading about someone who is engaged by the process of her life. I hope you are, too!