12 Reasons You're Forever Alone

1. You're an A--hole

Yup. It's often the nastiest people who fail to see that their own behavior is pushing people away from them and making them totally unlikeable to everyone they meet. If your MO is, I don't care what other people think or feel, I'm going to say and do whatever, I'm just going to do me no matter what, I don't owe the world anything, and everyone else sucks...good luck with that. When you want to be with someone, they want to know you care about them and their feelings and not only that, that you're not going to go around treating everyone else like they are a piece of dirt. If you can't get it together enough to even realize what you're doing and change your ways, you may well be forever alone because no one likes to be around an a-hole.

2. You're bitter

Being single can indeed make one bitter about a lot of things in life. You get sick of seeing other people have what you want, you're sick of being invited to yet another wedding and being sat at yet another singles table, you're tired of your parents asking you, when you're going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend or get married/have kids. It sucks, but you take that and you magnify it by turning this suckiness outward at the world. You take things very personally and become aggressively angry with the opposite sex. You start challenging why others don't want to be with you and that they should and that you're some great catch. It's a total turn off which is frightening to people you come in contact with and since people talk, you become that girl, or that guy that has the total chip on their shoulder rather then someone approachable.

3. You make no one feel special

When you get into a desperation mode, the one in which you'll just take any old person that stumbles along, and you give out your number to anyone who will have it, and you literally flirt with anybody that walks by, people get wind of this. When all the girls in your circle end up with the same guys number at the end of the night or a guy sees you flirting with all his buddies, it's unattractive and desperate. A girl or a guy wants to feel special like you want only them, but when you're just going around to everybody, you're making them feel like either you're a wanna be player or you make them feel like you're their last ditch effort 8th or 9th choice rather then first choice.

4. You're too comfortable

Dating takes effort. You send out the attraction vibes when it looks like you've showered, brushed your hair, maybe put on a little make-up and a nice outfit. If you don't give a damn about yourself and how you look, don't expect others to give a damn about you. Someone else who puts effort in is most likely looking for someone who does the same and if you can't be bothered to even try, superficial or not, you're probably not going to get anyone to notice you the way you want them to.

5. You're actually too picky

I definitely believe everyone should have standards, but some people have Mount Everest type standards for who they will "allow" to date them. If someone even veers slightly out of range of that, they want nothing to do with you. You know, they're smart, but they didn't go to Ivy league, or they love animals, but don't really like dogs, or their wonderful, but they're not the race you're used to dating. Don't just rule someone out for the first little thing. Give them a chance to surprise you.

6. You're broken

Five years ago the love of your life broke up with you and five years later it's like it just happened. No one can compare, no one is good enough, or worse, you see all the flaws in everyone else that s/he had and so for the last five years, if you can't have your ex, it's no one and you don't even realize you're projecting that on to every potential date you meet whether you say it to them or not.

7. You're in a tough financial situation

It is hard to date when you are broke. Although I believe it can be done, and I've been in situations in the past where I've had to tell someone, I just can't afford to do xyz with you because I can't, so I get this, but use it as motivation to get to where you need to be financially. People aren't always after money just because you tell them you have none. If they've been through a financial struggle in the past, they quite frankly may not want to go back to a life living paycheck to paycheck or god forbid they have dreams of what they want to do in their life, and as we know, dreams require money, so it's a hard pill to swallow but realize that even without the dating situation, if you can't even afford to take care of yourself, how are you going to share the responsibility of sharing your life with someone else.

8. You're lame

Some people have nothing going on. Literally, nothing. What do you do on the weekends...nothing. Who do you hang out with...nobody...what do you do for fun...nothing...where do you work...eh, some place that gets the bills paid. How is someone going to connect with you if you have nothing going on in your life and you don't seem to want to do anything or go anywhere or have any fun. That's like some sad old age assisted living home attitude, particularly when you're young. It's boring. Even low key people want to occasionally go out and do something exciting but if you're boring, offer nothing, don't want to do anything in life, don't seem to care about having any type of adventure, it can be a complete turn off.

9. You're over-zealous

You finally get a phone number and you text 6 times to make sure she is coming. You can't read signals from the other person that you're being too much or too extra, or you're way to touchy feely. You let him know within five minutes of meeting him that he can meet your family who would love him on your date. Give the person you're trying to chat up some space and some room to breath. Suffocating someone within 10 minutes of meeting them makes people want to run the other way.

10. You're invisible

Shy, closed off, very reserved... it is hard to get to know someone who won't even talk to you or you can't even locate because they are closed off and shut up at home where no one can find them. I mean how do you get to know someone who can't put two words together or doesn't even hang out anywhere? Very few people are going to stick around trying to struggle to start a conversation and keep it going with you for too long and that's the hard truth. If this is you and you truly believe this is hurting you most, take public speaking classes, employ a wingman, work on building your self-esteem/confidence up, step outside your head and challenge yourself to keep a conversation going even if that requires you to practice and write down questions to memorize ahead of time.

11. You need to expand your dating radius

If all you've come in contact with is people at your school or at work or in your small town, you may very well have exhausted all the possibilities of being with someone because it's no secret that certain places tend to have people with the same line of thinking when it comes to dating. You may not be what's attractive in place a, or they may not like your religion there, or they may only like people who have certain backgrounds which you don't have, so try somewhere else. Go to a bar somewhere else. Go on vacation and try flirting there. Go online. If all you hear is no in your current situation, branch out and expand your dating radius to an entirely new population.

12. You believe yourself incapable of being in a relationship because...

You believe you're too ugly...too stupid...not fit enough...not funny enough...not dateable enough...not on and on, enough. If you start to buy into that method of thinking, you will defeat yourself before you even try. You do actually need to believe yourself worthy of love. If you don't believe it, how will they?

Most Helpful Guy

13. You rather be or want to be.14. You recognize that emptiness and nothingness is the truth and reality. Nothing is permanent or last forever, nothing is permanent as we initially thought it would be or want it to be.

It's like this:

You're nihilistic and/or cynical or possibly pessimistic about things including that of anything related or in regards to relationships, dating, love, marriage, sex, starting your own family, etc., as they all simply just does not make any sense at all to you and has either no meaning at all to you or does not matter at all to you, completely redundant and irrelevant. Because if so, then those things "importance", "worth", "value", etc. does not exist to you compared to it existing and is present in those that do believe, think or "feel" that they are "important", has "worth", "value" to them, because then you could just see or think that those things are just another way or another thing we do to pass the time here, maybe provide a bit more comfort and make things tolerable for our time here, before our time is up, and whether we experience those things like others did or not does not matter at all. Not everyone sees, believes in, thinks, or even feels the same about every single thing that exists.

I really understand you. And sometimes I feel the same way.I have another reason14: You're not interested in the people from the place you live. I know for sure, that I won't have a boyfriend while I'm living in this country. Sometimes I feel sad, I had people telling me that I'm crazy. But what I am going to do if they're racist and if I'm not attracted to them? The only thing I can do is waiting until I move. Instead of being forced to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't matter to me.

@menina same here. I was thinking so long i am here i can't get a girlfriend (and I'm not in Europe unfortunately). Too much time passed and i feel like crap and drowning in depression.Now I'm just like in an emergency state in some kind. Mother nature punishes me and i can feel it. 🤕

@menina thanks kind lady. I appreciate it.I wish you luck in your relocation plan and meeting with better men.🤗🤗🤗Relocation seems like an impossible task but it sure should be rewarding and pay off long term.

@menina impossible as in extremely difficult to accomplish. Only few can make it happen. I want to become one of those few.And dang it's sucking away almost half my life to accomplish it and requires as much devotion as any strict religion does.

@menina In your case I would consider acing the academy, get employed and rack up some working experience (I think maybe 3 years will do? I am 1 year employed so far) and then apply internationally and look for VISA sponsorships. Remember the job market is literally a huge competition and you will need to be able to prove, that you have actually skills, know your profession in order to land for a good job title. It is not easy but such is life.

I am taking on my own challenge in this and I am sharing what I got so far.

@Unit1 I'm studying, I'm trying to get my degree. And how can I get a job if no one hires me because I'm student? If you know how to fix this, then tell me how.Yeah, I know the job market is competitive. And it's even more competitive for someone who is a foreigner, black and a woman. I know I have to work 10 times more than a native white person (man or woman).

What Guys Said 55

That pretty much covered the reasons why someone finds themself alone, and well explained them well. To them, I'd add being a hermit, i. e., staying home and being on the Internet all the time is another- you need face time with other people, also because of network effects.

10 and 12 are my biggest sticking points. I am simply not the most social person. I don't hate people, I just find it hard to connect to others socially. I am not outgoing, but more easy-going and introverted. I have been told I have an "old soul" type of aura, which is both comforting and endearing, but not the most exciting either. My current girlfriend loves that about me, and while she is a social butterfly, she enjoys the counterbalance. I try not to be too clingy, as most of my friends moved out of state and right now I have very few social outlets. I hang out mostly with my sister and her fiancee, sometimes some of my sister's friends at get-togethers, but even then, I rarely spark very deep and interesting conversation. I am just more naturally inclined to enjoy one-on-one interaction as too many people all vying to the attention of each other overstimulates me and end up just letting others have the spotlight.

It truly sucks for men and women who don't have the social skills or the social mindset to open up their options in dating. Actually, I believe communication is the key to success in almost every area of life, including education, career, dating, relationships, and family life.

As for point 12, for me it all comes down to the idea that I am not "social enough". That includes being funny, witty, flirty, personable, friendly, etc. The feeling of not being enough mostly stems from comparing myself to other men who are more successful with women. I notice they are charming, know their way around a conversation, know how to tease, and have no qualms about saying ballsy shit around anyone. I am more reserved and it just feels like that is part of my nature.

I could say point 8 applies, but yet, it doesn't. I love going to concerts, theatre, wine tastings movie theaters, restaurants, bars, hiking, and so many other events. I will sometimes go alone, other times with my sister's group. The thing is though is that I don't always have a calendar full of events and tend to watch miniseries and play video games at home when I have some free time outside of online college work. Yes, I am mostly a homebody. This once again comes from not feeling 100% comfortable around strangers and making new friends. And I love to read and other geeky hobbies, once again, very introverted type outlets.

I can be an asshole sometimes too though, but I think that is so much better than always being Mr. Agreeable Nice Guy.

"If you don't believe it, how will they?" Because they can have their own oppinion about you.How about "If others don't believe it, how can you?"Sometimes all that is needed is a little affirmation that there is hope for you to turn this around, but compliments aren't things people trow around all that often, and asking for them seems desperate, which is regarded as a bad thing, so how can you blame them for feeling unlovable. Is there a solution to this?

It's a chain reaction situation. If I were to say to you, you're so handsome, you're awesome, I'd hope you would believe it, but if you are to the point where you feel that you are just ugly, and you're a worthless human being, you aren't going to believe me when I say those things because you don't believe in them yourself or at least believe them to be possible.

Loving yourself first means that when you do face rejection, you don't just automatically crumble into a ball and go into full on depression mode because you can begin to recognize that this is but one person who doesn't like you, but that's not a judgment about you from all of humanity. It's a job application rejection letter. You can apply to 10, and you may hear 10 nos, but does that mean you aren't good at what you do if you already know you're good at your job, or great even.

You can't expect affirmation from others that you're worthy or great. You've got to know that going in, and if you don't, work the process. Find things you're good at, surround yourself with friends that love you, do things that make you happy, and work on seeing your own worth and potential that isn't contingent on someone having to build your self worth for you.

If a compliment is genuine (not asked for or given as comfort), it will certainly have a positive effect. But like I said, that's rare.Actually unemployed people face the same dilemma if they get rejected over and over, until they no longer have any will to apply and feel worthless. And to use your analogy, what if you don't have any job experience yet? How can you even apply for a job you don't know you can do? How are you gonna get any experience if nobody wants to employ you? Sure you'll never know if you don't ask but, if you don't believe you can in the first place, how will you get started up?It isn't quite like with job applications though, since you'd send out as many a day as possible. If you do that with people, isn't it regarded as shallow? Also the people of your interest aren't listed in the phonebook to call up on, it takes ages until you meet someone you'd like to apply to.True a rejection isn't universal, but it certainly doesn't motivate to try again.

Most of these are negotiable. There are dating "norms," I guess, but one has to question their value if they lead to "normal" dates. The one that I think is the most common reason people are perpetually minus a plus one is the issue of shyness. Lots of people have difficult social lives when they're young, and they let that force them into a shell of sorts, which prevents them from connecting with others.

Shyness can be extremely difficult to overcome. It's why I made a few suggestions in that regard because I've been in those shoes before. It's also hard to repair the damage done through childhood or other trauma which can clearly affect one's relationship to others, but over time, that too can be worked on... maybe not fully repaired, but worked on so as to allow the person to be able to function within a healthy relationship.

So what is a "normal date?" A date is just a meeting between two people in which you are both trying to decide whether you are compatible or not or find something about being in their company worth keeping. The activity matters not.

But the actions the guy takes dictates the womans attraction to him and if she'll want to see him again. A guy can't just go in with the intent of 'meeting' a woman or he'll bore her to death. He needs the right body language, introduce light touching, flirting, being funny, confident etc etc.

Brutal... yeah I'm bitter as fuck and I need to find someone equally bitter LOL I'm not the kind of bitter that's like 'things will never get better' im just the kind that is like 'please acknowledge how shit everything is so i know im not insane' but the main reason i'm not in a relationship is i never make a move and im picky as fuck, and i'm trying to find a wife out here while all anyone seems to want is a fling. West coast lief

7 and 10 ( very reserved , introvert , but NOT shy !! ) apply to me , because I'm a single dad , still working FT. The longer I have been single , the more comfortable I am with it , fortunately for me , I have little need for people , and even more thankfully , my " Male Curse " ( libido ) has greatly faded , it would be an unwanted biological burden.

Lol none of these apply. Where's the one for "I choose to stay single because I can't believe in monogamy after watching every relationship around me fail and having shitty parents that betrayed each other?". Oh wait does that lump me into the butter category or the asshole category?

Very comprehensive, it's a little bash the single girl/guy, people's personalities differ quite a lot, it is easy to be single, I like it, won't give up my freedom for just any woman, got other responsibilities and interests, dating is not on top of the list.

The only things that are true for me are probably 11 and 10 a very tiny bit mainly as a result of no. 11 since I'm in a small town that's pretty shit. But because of my lack of success 12 applied to me aswell but I'd say I have dealt with that recently.

This can be all boiled down to three simple don'ts.* Don't be poor (develop your income stream)* Don't be ugly (make the best of what you have; be fit; be well-dressed)* Don't be charmless (a hard one to improve without feedback/mentoring)

I know people with all of these and still find someone, its all about luck and money nothing more nothing less, dating girls ia bragian, you bragain with her, how much money you have and what you're willing to share with her.

I am sort of proof of that. The truth is though, I don't know how long it will last. Will one of these things end up being a cause of a breakup? My current girlfriend is a social butterfly and she says she appreciates my introverted and somewhat calm anti-social demeanor, but honestly, I feel anxious and that something is off when I want to be more social but feel kind of lost, especially among strong personalities.

My girlfriend actually makes more money than me, so I don't think it has anything to do with money, unless you are dating a woman who is young and unestablished.

@freakyzeaky you're 34 i assume your girlfriend is around your age, girls after 27-28 know they have far limited options and have to ignore some things such as a hot or rich husband, they will get one if they can but if the guy lacks one its cool they are still okay with it.

take me for example a 23 years old guy to 99% of girls iam fairly good looking and it shows, but i lack status, power and money, all i have is my looks and personality and that has affected my dating life a lot, i do far worse than an average looking guy with money and i see examples everyday.

these traits on the other hand seem to not make much sense to me since guys with all that still manage to get a girlfriend, its all about status, money and if its a good deal for her, apparently iam not a good enough deal for most girls, sure iam hot to them but i lack the providing part if i had money and have all the traits listed above i would still find a girlfriend with ease , its just how the world works, sad but true.

Well, she is actually older than me. I mean you could say she is settling for me, but then again, I am also settling for her. I think at some level, we all settle, even with a partner who ticks lots of boxes. There are always flaws, always dimensions to people that we have to surrender to and compromise around. Relationships take work. They aren't all fun and games, and sometimes it reveals things about us that we never even thought about, even after being in many relationships beforehand. Sometimes the revealing is what has us face our inner demons, but hopefully, we all come out the stronger for it.

I think for you, you might have to lower your standards. There are certainly women out there that don't care about status or money, but they tend to be average in the looks department.

@freakyzeaky I have standards for a reason, i can't lower them, i may ignore some smaller flaws but if i lower them enough to date a girl i never wanted that can't happen, iam a one woman man, i am quite loyal and very family orienated thats why when i date i attempt to find the best match for me, cause iam not planning to upgrade every few years, iam curently studying for a degree and hopefully will get a good job in the future, but til them i guess i will have to face manipulation adn games from women.

Oh I hear yah, but I think the best people to actually build a life with, one that will last a lifetime, is going to be one that gets you and vice versa, who compliments you, who you have amazing chemistry with. If you only focus on those women who are knock-outs, then you could be missing out on a woman who is truly right for you. Many guys who get with drop dead gorgeous women claim that while they are beautiful, they are lacking in other areas that make it difficult to keep around for a long-term relationship, and yes, beautiful people sometimes feel entitled to a man's status, money, resources, etc. just because she has been put on a pedestal for so long. Even some women who are merely above average in looks think they deserve a man who can provide them with a better life merely by being in a relationship with them.

@freakyzeaky I got attention from stunning girls andi still do but i never thought much about pursuing them, or lost interest half way, they are entitled and not someone you can trust i see them talking to me then switching to the next guy, and i can't accept that... what i like are cute girls, cute and feminine but not stunning or gorgeous, pretty and physically attractive but not drop dead grogeous, those are the girls i go for usually but even they are kinda entiteld lol

i can't date a girl i find unattractive, physicaly attraction is a big part for me, if she's not attractive enough seh can have a great personality and i won't really be interest and i have turned girls down before it is what it is, i won't sacrfice looks for personality, sometimes i stop conacting hot girls who play games or seem entitled, and when they see me they keep staring at me and eyeing me , wondering why i stopped talkin to them... oh well i may not be rich but i still have my dignity.

I have no idea who BeeNee is, but I'm getting the feeling she owns a "feminist" Tumblr account. Specifically, a neo-feminist Tumblr account, whining about how all men are pigs, yet have never thought of getting a job that is filled entirely by men.I don't know how it is wherever she is, but personally, I have yet to see ONE woman driving a dumpster truck, and only one woman driving a bus.With this in mind, I have this to say: if neo-feminists want equality, how about seeking true equality? Get a dumpster truck license, for an example.

I actually look at the mytake as quite good, and is clearly quite gender neutral as well as relevant for one's platonic relationships. It's about trying to improve oneself. I don't understand that because this information is coming from a girl it's automatically bad and feminist but when someone like Gavin McInnes says something similar (which he has) it's fine. Hypocritical at its finest.

@Uglyman1001 no it tells them if they want to actually date someone that they like they might actually have to improve themselves, same goes for women. I don't date, for the sole reason that I am some of the points that the author lists and I don't think I really deserve someone, and I won't until I actively try to improve myself. 1,2,3,4 are incredibly relevant, and I don't understand how you can view that as victimising men.

@lilaqua Lets see she basically used the words Asshole, Bitter, Picky and Lame. I've only heard those words used to describe men maybe with a very small percentage the word picky is used for women. Like I said she the OP is basically taking a cheap shot on single men. You know that being a woman you have it 99.99% easier than men.

@Uglyman1001 maybe in getting sex sure, but getting into a relationship is actually pretty difficult and finding someone who likes me as a person it beyond hard. Asshole, yes but I think Bitch would be the appropriate related term for women but Bitter and Lame I have heard directing women quite often.

@lilaqua I have never heard anyone male or female call another woman or girl bitter and or Lame. Those terms are usually reserved for men and boys. If a guy gets mad that he gets rejected by a girl and goes on a rant people call him bitter, but if a girl gets mad after she get's rejected and goes on a rant people tell her Don't worry he was an asshole for rejecting you or you'll find someone better etc etc etc.

@lilaqua When someone calls someone crazy that can be used in a good way. Like did you see that run from the cops? Man, he was crazy. Now, lets use the word bitter in a sentence. I hate all women they never me a chance they're always dating jerks who treat them bad oh shut up and stop being bitter. You see what I mean. by the way I don't all women.

@Uglyman1001 it's all about context. Crazy in that situation isn't "omg they're so crazzyyy lolllz" but like "that person is legitimately crazy, their ability to judge is entirely wrong for that reason. At least if you're called bitter it doesn't effect you judgement.

What Girls Said 28

it takes effort indeed. effort some are not willing to invest. the rest are a bit judgmental and not absolute. many so called losers of both genders marry, have kids etc. true attraction is very subjective and its 90% about vibe and subconscious cues. thing is both genders should receive dating education from school.

By your same logic, those that don't go out can be shallow and boring. But say you or someone else isn't in fact a total bore or lacks a philosophical mind... okay, so how would another person meet you if you never leave your house? There is the online world, but you would still eventually have to go out to meet the person on the other end if you intended to have a real life in person relationship. It's unavoidable that you need to leave the safety of the nest to see and meet other people, and if place A only yields idiots and otherwise lame or disrespectful people, as indicated, increase your dating radius.

A lot of that on GaG... with people assuming that they have no part in the reason at all as to why they are single not by choice, and as the other commenter suggests, that the people you like don't like you... this is life; you can't expect every person to love you because you exist. You eventually pick your ego and your heart back up and keep looking. The world doesn't end with one guy or one girl.

"Some people have nothing going on. Literally, nothing. What do you do on the weekends... nothing. Who do you hang out with... nobody... what do you do for fun... nothing... where do you work... eh, some place that gets the bills paid."

i've heard that again. also lets not forget the other sign of the coin. there is another bitterness coming from parents and friends who are couples, to the single people. some are jealous of their freedom and not give an f attitude.

But that simply puts you in the single by choice category. If you've decided you don't want to date and aren't actively trying to date for whatever reason, that's by your own design rather than any other circumstance or something you are or aren't doing.

I had 4 in my life to be honest. I was too comfortable and did not want to share my life with someone. Because you know you finally found your inner peace then someone wants to destroy it :) What a dillema!

can totally understand you. when my boyfriend spoke about marriage i was like wtf. after about a year i accepted eventually. but before that i was too yolo to bother with it. i found out that people need to feel special and need some jealousy and interest from you to feel attractive. or else they interpret you as a cold hearted player... .