Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My friends and I were talking about the types of dudes that have lots of women, and the difference between them and the guys that struggle with getting and keeping a womans attention. One of my friends said that type is called an Alpha Male. I’ve heard that phrase before, but I’m not real sure what it means. Can you explain it to me?

Then can you tell me why do Alpha Males get all the girls, and the rest of us can’t get a girl to even look at us… at least that’s how it seems sometimes. I’m graduating from UC Riverside in May 2015 and I would like to have a girlfriend my last year or so of college. I’m a nice guy but I’m shy. I’m willing to do whatever I need to do though. I’ve been single for 2-1/2 years of college and all of high school. Just a few dates and hook ups here and there. I’m kinda tired of hanging with my friends on the weekends, I’d like to have a girlfriend to go nice places with and maybe fall in love. What can I do to become an Alpha male? Please help me.

Signed,
Cal State Geek

Dear Geek:
Alpha males are usually referenced with awe by non-Alpha men who don’t understand how they do what they do. First, let me tell you that you cannot “become” an Alpha male by what you intentionally try to do — you either have those innate qualities or you don’t. Alpha males are placed in the role of preferred leader of a group simply by the confidence, success and physical attractiveness they possess. They are a trifecta of manhood. You are not an Alpha male and can never become one, but you CAN improve your chances for being chosen by women with attention to a few key areas.

Let me first start by explaining in more detail what the qualities of an Alpha male are.

Alpha males are usually physically attractive – women call them fine or sexy. They are smart, they possess qualities of leadership, and they tend to be financially well off. These are the traits that put them in the position of “being able to pick any woman they want” pretty much. Women recognize dominant genes and our animal instinct motivates us to want to mate with him to carry those strong genes forward.

Alpha males, by their far reaching confidence, sexiness and success, control the accessibility of prime females available to Beta males. Alpha males are not afraid of rejection and take a woman’s lack of interest in stride. They aren’t overly invested in her refusal to date, to dance, to give him her number. They are witty, engaging, social creatures and, even if disappointed temporarily, bounce back and try again another day without resentment.

On the other hand are the Beta males … the angry guys you see online ranting and raving about women only wanting thugs and players and guys that dog them out. They are guys who are NOT Alpha males and thereby resent being relegated to second level women such as those with multiple kids by multiple men, that aren’t that pretty, don’t have a great body, or that don’t have much education or intellect. The Beta guys want an Alpha female and know they don’t have the heat to get one so they are very resentful.

In the animal kingdom the Alpha male is the top dog, the pack leader, the one who has whipped the ass of all challengers and come out on top.

Alpha males are typically beautiful physical specimens – rippling muscle, tall and well built, strong jawline, just delicious to look at. They aren’t necessarily cruel or crazily violent, but you do know that if you cross them there will be hell to pay. They laugh but they don’t play. They are very much into protecting what they see as theirs – whether it be their children, their woman, their money, their political position or their status in the community. Women feel safe and protected around him, most men do too.

Alpha males are SELECTED for leadership roles because they make decisions or select a path to travel, and others willingly fall in line behind them without being asked. It’s a gut level thing with humans. We know confidence and personal power when we see it.

Though you cannot practice being an Alpha male, take a class in it or read a book, you can certainly do things to improve your odds for getting female attention.

Check your pets – keep them clean, nails clipped, hair trimmed, off the bed, off the furniture where she will sit in her $100 pants.

Check your attitude – women know when you have Alpha Male resentment and can feel that you hate women for rejecting you in the past. Get a shrink and get the hell over it.

Check your manners – can you go out and socialize with older adults like her parents without looking like a fool? If not get up on some social etiquette about introductions, small talk, formal place settings, escorting a woman, helping her on and off with her coat, opening car doors, and seating a woman at a table. Parents look at all those things and you could get dismissed for being an uncouth boor.

You do all that you should be in good stead my man. No, you won’t have innate Alpha Male qualities, but you will be a right and proper contender in the dating game.

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.