Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Today I have something so close to me heart! I am not in charge. Although it was difficult to give my job up (u know, depending on me and only me to remedy me and things wrong with me, my life, blah blah blah) I now am in complete acceptance that I am not in control. What a relief not to depend on me in that way. Every time I did, such as to beat bulimia, stop the self injuring, control my drinking, I would fail. This FAILURE caused so much fear -- if I could not depend on me then what else or who else could I depend on? A wise one once said . . .

"Fear is the path to the dark side, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

God, thank you for giving me your grace for all of my years -- I just did not know.

10 Things I Am Looking forward to this New Year in no particular order): 1) Turning 30 2) Entering my thirties sober3) Celebrating my 1st AA birthday in 6 mo (yes, w God and the fellowship, I can do it -- not alone)4) Mitch & I walking the New Year with a new me, a new us and knowing that Mitch is not my HP5) Growth, Pain, Laughter, friendships, tears, trudging . . .6) Working thru all the steps7) Spiritual Growth8) X Man III (hey, how'd that get there)9) Being a sober member of AA10) The AA community of bloggers!!!!!