Early this morning, we, your HuffPost Valentine's Day editors Todd and Lindsay, broke up. But everything's fine! We'll still be bringing you all the news this Valentine's Day with the highest level of professionalism. That said, if you want to know exactly how ToddLindsayno actually it was definitely you Todd Lindsay messed up, follow our story here, and judge for yourself.

You're the one who asked for this truce to begin with and now you're changing your mind? That is just like you.

And leave Kent out of this! All he's ever done is bring people doughnuts. You never brought me doughnuts.

And how dare you tell me that I should "lose my memory," when you're the one who is always forgetting things, like, you know, my birthday? Our anniversary? The first 3 digits of pi? The capital of New York State? Oh yeah, I'll go "lose my memory." Like my memory of how you came home drunk three days ago and vomited into the empty rabbit cage? My memory of you KILLING MY RABBIT?

I love beaches, OK, Todd? A lot of people keep collections. It's normal. It's not "weird" or "extensive" to keep a collection of things. You just had to get ONE MORE THING IN THERE, didn't you?

Actually, you know what? I love a lot of things about you, too, Todd. Your laugh, your taste in music, the way you press down my shirt before you used to kiss me, and your stupid, stupid face that I hate.

We've made fools of ourselves, OK? There is a lion eating a lion on the splash. I mean...look: I like a lot of things about you. That's why we got together in the first place. Your taste in movies, your smile, your warm heart, your weirdly extensive seashell collection. You're a talented writer and you've always supported me.

If we're going to talk about hair, can we talk about the single hair growing out of your nostril that moves up and down as you breathe ? It's like a little antenna, trying to get signal, so it can call a hair trimmer that will finally put it out of its misery. I can't blame it because I wouldn't want to live in your nose either.

I just wanted to do you a solid and explain to you what you're getting into if you decide to take a whirl on the Lindsay-go-round. Here's the thing: It might seem like a good idea, at first. Sure, Lindsay's reasonably attractive, has all her teeth, all her fingers, a full head of hair. So she starts off with the whole, 'Oh, intern Kent, you're so cute, thank you for these doughnuts, they're so powdery and fresh and sweet, just like you, you 19-year-old little ladykiller, you.' And so on. And so you're like, 'Wowwwwwwwwwww, a girl liiiiiiikessssss me, I am the maannnnnnnnnn." And then all of a sudden you're living together, just occupying space together, spending twice as much air as one person would, and it's okay. And then you start to notice things. Things like, how when she laughs at other people's jokes she laughs way more loudly than she does at your jokes. Things like, how when she has friends over they drink all your beer and use all your toilet paper. Her hair. It is actually everywhere. Yesterday, I was having water, and you know what I found? Not one hair. Not two hairs. Four hairs. In my water. Floating in my water. Evil little hairs.

So enjoy Lindsay, Kent. Enjoy hacking up hairballs for the next three years of your life. Have a blast.

I breathed in a paper bag just now for a good solid two minutes. I am not happy about the rabbit. I will avenge Captain. But right now, I've reached a liberating, exhilarating place. I am not going to be the bigger person here! I will be much, much smaller. I will be tiny and mean and really suuuuuper crazy. You're not even gonna see me, that's how small and crazy I'll be. I suggest you study this hard:

What the hell Todd. You took four sandwiches? There was not a single one left by the time I got there. I took exactly one tortellini and five slices of canteloupe! What the hell! I KNOW YOU KNOW I LOVE GRILLED VEGETABLE SANDWICHES!! You're a bloodthirsty meat-eater! What did you need with three grilled vegetable sandwiches?? I swear I'm going to get you Todd. I am super hungry now. - Lindsay