fake is the new real

When I got married, my husband gave me a $5 fake engagement ring, knowing growing up in a jeweler’s family, I related sparkly gems to issues better left on a therapist’s couch.

Too much information.

In fact, on our first Valentine’s Day, Romeo bought me fake flowers. He was biding his time at an airport, obviously sick of nut mixes and magazines. A dozen plastic roses stuck their stiff heads out of a cheesy gift shop and somehow, maybe a belief that plastic lasts forever while real is fleeting -- or he was suffering from delusional jet lag -- he caved in.

We threw them in the trash quicker than you can say yes to a first class upgrade.

Today fake has a whole new connotation.

In Washington it’s a mantra, if you like that sort of thing. Yet in general, fake has attained a more acceptable panache in some circles -- an authentic fakeness perhaps.

At home, we have a music fake book to easily learn songs; I have a faux leather jacket, an oilcloth with sleeves; I eat vegan seitan, fake meat. And let’s not get started on Fakebook, uh, Facebook.

On the other side -- real is headaches, bad customer service, stuck zippers, peeling nail polish, cars that conk out as soon as you drive away from the mechanic.

Real can be a fake out too.

Yet we’re always looking for real. You hear it all the time: I want a real relationship, I want to find my real self, I want the real truth -- all set-ups for future fakeries?

Inundated with fake dressed as real and real disrobed as fake, I need a distraction. Nature, right? It’s the one place where fake sticks out like a Coke with no calories, no caffeine.

That’s what I’m thinking as I prepare for my annual “planting of the flower boxes” outside my second floor windows -- calming, peaceful, the real deal -- a break from the everyday illusion and confusion.

Maybe.

“Fake flowers aren’t tacky anymore,” says Gerri, the owner of the Garden Shoppe in Wayne, who suggests I try them when I wonder who’ll water the boxes when I’m out-of-town.

“These flowers have come a long way,” she continues helpfully, “the colors are better, they look more real, they’re more acceptable.”