I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart

Today is a big day for my family. It is my son’s last day at his daycare before he starts børnehave (pre-school), and my father and my sister’s family arrive in Aarhus for a weeks holiday. It is also one year since my mother died. One year since I kissed her good-bye and said ‘see you tomorrow’, imagining that I would. This day seemed impossibly far away this time last year, and so much has changed it is bewildering. I can’t help thinking how pleased Mum would have been with it all.

We’ve welcomed a new baby into our family; a girl at the end of April. ‘A’ is gorgeous, and we are all delighted to have her. As much as I wish my mother could have met her, the joy I know she would have felt helps. She would be so proud of how well my son has coped with the challenging year we’ve had. And she would have enjoyed listening to him singing danish children’s songs. Though she would have understood even less of it than his parents do.

She’d have enjoyed the activities we’ve got planned for the next week. OK, maybe legoland will be a bit of a challenge for us all. But the photos, and the reminiscing afterwards, while we laugh about the inevitable pre-schooler dramas, that she would have enjoyed.

And she would’ve enjoyed the family dinner we’ll have tonight. Our first night together in Denmark, although we are without one sister’s family still. A nice dinner; steak, roast potatoes, fish fingers for the kids. Because let’s face it, whose kids like steak. And a nice glass of wine, or two. For dessert I finally decided on drømmekage, so-called because it tastes like a dream.

I wonder what the life Mum imagined we would be having now looked like. I know it looked different, but in the essentials she would have been right. Our families, spread out across the globe, but with bonds as strong as ever. The tomorrows that kept coming, bringing tears, and love and laughter.