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Sunday, 31 July 2011

new moon, new me??

The new moon has just passed. I follow the moon for many reasons, I used to follow it as the crazy folk came out three days each side of the moon and I braced myself for the very very weird work phone calls. Now I enjoyed life as one for a while I still follow the cycles of the moon but mostly for the tide heights. The last few days have been very odd indeed and today was strange. I have moved on so much from who I was and how I behaved this time last year that people who have not met me in a while still treat me as if I were the same. I wondered for the last few weeks what that would be like when I started to leave my home and my cocoon of happiness here. I forgot that to be well is to be able to express myself, to understand that I have control over my own life and that I am now assertive. I can stand up for myself in a very polite and non aggressive way. I can recognise the feelings others are experiencing but no longer instinctively feel the feeling of others. Now it is time for me to learn all about appropriateness. I am venturing forth into a world full of many different sort of people all with their own ideas and at different stages of their self awareness. Today I am celebrating being well and being me.

Strange things will happen, people will do things that upset me, I will do things that upset people. But I will hold with me the belief that I am OK as I am. I no longer believe that other people matter more than me. I will continue to treat people with respect however I will not allow them to treat me with anything less than equal respect. I had some very foolish beliefs, when I uncovered them I was shocked at my own silliness. For me it is important that I stay well and continue to do things that interest, entertain and amuse me. I have decided to concentrate on organising my home and my life in a way that makes it easy for us all to be well and stress free. Today I had an unexpected visitor. I was having a very present lie in. I had to get up and deal with teenage children stuff with him. In the past I would have let him control the conversation but today I did not. I expressed myself and my views with honesty and clarity and I was proud of myself. I am not perfect, I do not have all the answers but today I realised the gift I got from the episode: the ability to forgive myself and others. I thought of how we are all flawed human beings. and remembered my favourite parable from the Bible, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.