they're on a boat!

Caption Contest! Mitt And Ann Romney Are On A Boat

Tupper Romney tweets this photo of Mitt and Ann Romney on a boat. For some reason, His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney — who is objectively a handsome man — always looks super gross and greasy when he’s on vacation at “Lake Winni.” Here they look like nothing so much as a really sweaty and awful Viagra ad. But do you think they look like a sweaty and awful Viagra ad? Or do you think they look like something else?

Rebecca is the owner, editrix and publisher of Wonkette. She was in newspapers for a very long time. Follow her on the Twitter. She is currently on maternity leave (until 2033), so you didn’t just read this post.

Happy Birthday! I was up in SF on Saturday and resisted the temptation to stand at Fifth and Market awaiting a ball rub.

(I was guiding a party of visually impaired veterans from the VA blind school in Menlo Park. Interesting day.)

redarmyzombie

Holy crap, the things I miss when I'm away…

Happy Birthday, MissTaken!

Callyson

Cool bling, Barb!

Barb_

Thanks Callyson!

ChernobylSoup

"Gilligan, I thought this was only a 3 hour tour."

SorosBot

It's Willard and Ann Howell III.

TootsStansbury

Well if it lasts more than four hours Mitt will need to seek medical attention.

Dr_Zoidberg

'We're not going fast enough! Throw some more poor people into the furnace.'

joobajooba

I love the Internet. The add next to this comment says "There's a better way to heat your home."

Negropolis

Renewable energy! To the children mines!

mookwrthwilson

What do his people christen boats with?

Dr_Zoidberg

Smaller boats.

IonaTrailer

The blood of white Siberian tigers, killed during a full moon, on a Tuesday.

jodyleek

Dwarfs.

Wadisay

Mormons use bottles of Catawba.

Weenus299

fairy urine.

tessiee

Dog pee and poo.
Oh, no, wait.
That's what they christen cars with.

SigDeFlyinMonky

De-caff non-alcoholic Irish coffee. (Really, these people just don't get the point.)

CthuNHu

You people.

Negropolis

Dead babies? Whole milk?

hagajim

"You know, its sure nice when our rich asses can while away the day on the lake." – Mittens Rmoney.

Veritas78

If he's having that much fun, why doesn't he do it 365 days a year? Because he could, for the rest of his life, and he would still never run out of money.

But no, he has to be President and fuck up our miserable existences, too.

orygoon

You can never be too rich or too clueless.

el_donaldo

"Hellspawn"

JohnnyQuick

"You know how many kids we have. It wasn't rape, honey."

Jus_Wonderin

"This rope? Well, I save money when I use Ann as an anchor."

SorosBot

Viagra ad? That boat could use two outdoor bathtubs for them to lie back and relax in, while holding hands.

Terry

Ann is also bundled up like she's trying to keep a few layers between them.

MaxNeanderthal

That's not a boat. A floating fornicatorium, yes. A real boat, no.

Willardbot9000_V2.5

the Romneys always mix in a bit of animal cruelty to get the uh, juices flowing. Such as pitbull fights, or slashing a monkey with razors or the traditional favorite: boiling a horse in a giant pot. That's how Ann sends a message to her other equine captives, er pets…

pinkocommi

"I am Wilfred 'Mittens' Romney, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht."

Lascauxcaveman

"Several of each, in fact. And, oh yeah, by the way? I pay taxes at a lower rate than you."

Dr_Zoidberg

+20 for referencing that cartoon.

BerkeleyBear

If only the IRS would come after this SOB like they went after ol' Elmer.

"You think this sunset's nice? You should see the ones on the planet I'll rule after my death."

Isyaignert

We need to let people know the bizarre things the Moron (oops typo) Church espouses – namely that it's okay to LIE if it helps the Church, your business or your family, in addition to all of th other crazy crap they believe.

CivicHoliday

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

DCBloom

Damn, I was gonna say that

Jus_Wonderin

"Sunset in America."

Steverino247

Ain't that a goddamned fact.

Mittens Howell, III

"Mitt! What are you doing with that rope in your hand? Did you forget to tie the dog to the back of the boat again?"

no_gravity

Damn, beat me to it. That's what I get for working. Ok, really, for taking a bathroom break.

"Well, you see, Ann, when a husband and wife don't love each other very much…."

Mittens Howell, III

"Almost home Ann, we're approaching the yacht elevator now."

Monsieur_Grumpe

Ann: Dear, why isn’t anyone driving the boat?
Mittens: It’s OK, we’re rich.
Ann: I suppose this might be some sort of analogy to how you would run the country.
Mittens: What part of “we’re rich” didn’t you understand?

"A rising tide lifts all boats. But my enormous boat creates a big-ass wake that will capsize any smaller boats that get too close, sucker. I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message."

Katydid

"Ann, why in the motherfuck did we name that boy Tagg? You just know Wonkett, to which everything is funny, is going to make fun of him and call him Tupper or somesuch. My spawn and I have too much monies to be made fun of."

KeepFnThatChicken

At least he didn't name it Tri–

+++
NO CARRIER

SixThirty

His tax returns sunk in an iron box at the bottom of the lake where no one would EVER find them, Mitt smiled and put his arm around Ann as the servants rang the dinner bell. Tomorrow his handlers would chide him for allowing the spray to endanger his CPU, but for now, Life was Good.

Terry

You, too, can own a yacht and be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. Simply make four easy payments of $29.95 and receive our 2 cassette set on the secret to investing, a product valued at over $300.

Goonemeritus

To me they look like a remake of Miami Vice if the detectives were old and Colombia found a way to smuggle cocaine direct to Lake Winnipesaukee.

It was only after Ann noticed the rope that she realized what Mitt meant when he referred to her as his "Chum"

belmontreport

I don't understand why you would want to be President when you could just be a retired super rich guy on vacation for the rest of your life.

Jus_Wonderin

The Presidency is like an untapped Market. There is money to be made (under the table and then shipped offshore).

Isyaignert

All of the rich fukkers that are supporting Rmoney are making an investment. They fully expect to make a 1000% return on their investment if we should be so unfortunate to have him in the White House. These fukkers will never have enough, no matter how much they have. More, more, more, more more!!

You can never be too thin or too super rich. The man is OBSESSED with tax breaks. Ryan's pay less than 1% legally plan makes Mitt harder than a 19 year old boy at the Playboy mansion. It's the only thing that does.

Tupper seems to share his father's disconnected belief that America will be impressed by a leader who is far richer than you, and flaunts it.

Geminisunmars

To be fair, he was thinking that this was a nice pic of them enjoying a lovely twilight on their yacht just like other ordinary Americans do.

SpiderCrab

Mitt, will you please remove your fingers from my underpants.

tracyhasfun

Just smile, Ann. As soon as the election is over, THEN you can give the peons the finger…don't make me use the rope.

Dirkrockwood

Tell the people in chains to row faster, we want to water ski.

Preferred Customer

No, Mitt. You are supposed to ride off into the sunset.

Mojopo

I believe you meant Tang Romney. Dah!

Geminisunmars

Don't worry, Ann. This rope is for tying down dog crates, that's all.

Mapmonger

We're on a boat, But look at my horse. My horse is amazing.

pepperpat

You'd be amazing too if you tasted like raisins.

tessiee

Those weren't raisins.

Rosie_Scenario

"And this comfy boat seat doubles as a toilet for 12. T.M.I.?"

PeaceWithHonor

Nylon rope: the perfect tool for erotic asphyxiation

Poindexter718

Does this boat make my hair look flat?

Blueb4sinrise

OT
Received 'nother email from Michelle O.

"Before you go to bed tonight, do me a favor…."

I keep telling her that it just can't be. Woman is hopelessly in love, I guess.

Guppy

You might want to coordinate changing your phone number with your impending breakup.

Blueb4sinrise

Should I try Can't we just be friends? first?

Guppy

The problem there is that you and she have very different definitions of the word "friend." She'll call/text/email you constantly, overshare her sex life with you (with pictures!), and if you two do end up having sex again it will be even crazier than before.

Boy she's a frozen, cold bitch, isn't she? Oh, and I dispute that Mitt is "objectively handsome" – he is "not unattractive". Bammers is totally handsome, and Ryan looks sketchy – like some douche-bag trying to pick up chicks at a club in Belltown.

"It's a good thing Rafalca's strapped to the top of the cabin. What a beautiful horse!"

sacoharry

The Rich Kids of Instagram

KeepFnThatChicken

Get the fuck out of my sunset picture.

Toomush_Infer

"Mitt, could you check the temperature on the lake ?- I think we need to turn the dial up a couple of degrees…."

kittensdontlie

Given the name Tagg, the Romneys thought he would never amount to much. With a 'accidental entanglement' with a rope on the lake at night, gone overboard would be their problem child in a 'tragic accident'—and would certainly garner a few sympathy votes.

tessiee

Too bad George Sr. and Bar didn't think of that 30 years ago; there might still be an America.

scionkirk

"Let's see, if we move this over here, and that over there, we can lay off thousands and avoid pension obligations! Man, I just love how fresh air gets those evil gears moving."

Ann looks a little frigid, as she always does during activities not involving Rafalca.

(Remember when they used to call women "frigid," Oldsters?)

Geminisunmars

Those were colder times.

Chichikovovich

Remember when they used to call women "frigid,"

I don't know what you mean. That never happened when I was around.

Bada-bum.

Isyaignert

I resemble that remark (the oldster one not the frigid one). I remember that term. It means that it's always the woman's fault when she can't get off after 10 seconds of foreplay and 60 seconds of banging. The concensus was that there must be something wrong with the woman when she "disappointed" the man by not having fireworks orgazms whilst with such a fantastic luvah (in his own mind).

ph7

Proof again that marrying for money is the hardest way to earn it.

tessiee

"Look at your President. Now back to me. Your President isn't me. Where are you? You're on a boat with the man who is not President. Look again. My hands are full of money and diamonds. Thanks, suckers."

"He he he….. Ann, since your horse lost, I guess you know who cleans up after her for the next 6 months"

thefrontpage

"I sure wish Todd Akin and Hank Williams, Jr., were here with us to enjoy this! They're always the life of the parties!" Romney said to his wife as they cruised Lake Erie just before the sun went down. (Unassociated Press photo by Cam Cameron)

"he he he…. I never would have thought this rope was long enough to get around Rafalca's neck, much less strong enough to strangle her with…."

thefrontpage

Two unidentified people, reportedly drunk on Colt 45 Malt Liquor and cheap tequila, rested after vomiting repeatedly for several hours on Hank Williams, Jr.'s inflatable water raft on the Mississippi River during a recent water barbeque and pig roast sponsored by the Iowa State Fair. (Agency French Press Agency photo by Ted Nugent, Jr.)

schvitzatura

Stuttering,
Cold and damp,
Steal the warm wind
Tired friend.
Times are gone
For honest men
And sometimes,
Far too long
For snakes.

huronbikes

"I'm so glad we took the dancing horse waterskiing for your MS, honey"

BarackMyWorld

The 6th Romney son? T-Pain.

thefrontpage

Anderson Cooper and Liz Chaney relax, out of make-up, on a recent sunset cruise on the Potomac River outside of Washington, D.C., sponsored by the Openly Gay League of Excellence (OGLE), during a fundraiser sponsored by OGLE for Obama-Biden 2012. (Weekly World News photo by Lobster Man.)

thefrontpage

One of Thomas Kincaid's last paintings, "Man and Woman on Boat at Sunset," failed to attract much interest at a recent Southeby's auction, finally selling for only $19.95. (Southeby's photo by Smigley Southeby III.)

Pantagonia's H2No Exosphere Jacket for women who are up for climbing Alaska's Denali or are really cold fish who are married to a putz who's career is in its sunset and you need to keep warm cause he's no help.

ttommyunger

His: crossed at the knees. Hers: crossed at the ankle. Both: crossed pretty much all of the time, I'm guessing.

Anne Romney demonstrates Mitt Romney's warmth by wearing her parka in the summer.

reliefsinn

"But Anne, I'm a man! "
"Nobody's perfect!"

Robman2

Perspective, cell cameras are poorly designed for traditional imagery. This shot, because of the circular seat, and the narrow perspective give the impression of leggy and lean, not realistic for this pair of overfed foragers in Mohawk tribal lands.

Mitt, I still think naming our son after tupperware was not a funny joke.

Schmegeg

"I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn't even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a river that snaked through the war like a main circuit cable plugged straight into Kurtz."
'

operationpurple

Too bad about the iceburg abpout to hit that boat full of poor people. Hopefully they will let enough job creators on the life boats.

AuRevoirGopher

Tonight, this man will be getting exactly no action.

mr bojangles

BOATS AND HOES…BOATS AND HOES!

Nostrildamus

"Let's pull up the trolling line and see how Rafalca's doing down there…"

unclejeems

Sad sacks in the sunset.

Estproph

This lake is simply to small for my yacht. I shall have to widen it or perhaps get a larger lake.

MLite

"On our dinghy, heading out to the yacht for some family time."

karlamarx

Waaaaay down upon the smarmy river.

Klek

“Erotic asphyxiation is for rich people too, my friends! My prerogatives just happen to involve a silk rope and stiff wife on my private lake.”

Then I just tap here Dad and it uploads to Twitter and everyone sees you relaxed.

Egomet_bonmot

Straight outta Salt Lake.

WeissSpyder

Go ahead Ann, swallow, I always do.

YasserArraFeck

Don't worry – Seamus is tied to the bow.

W88

"Sure, you may have a bigger boat but mine runs on caviar."

Negropolis

"I like boats; the masts are the right height. I like the lakes. All of them, Katie. The big ones and the ….I like cars! Oh Jeeves, throw another poor in the boiler, why don't you."

Genio1

"No, darling, nothing is trying to get in the boat. That's the sound of poor people. Keep smiling…"

mayor_quimby

Out of touch is when you don't get that pictures of you on a boat that is bigger than my house is not a good thing.
Tupper: Hey, just a pic of my daddy on a boat couch bigger an you people's actual couch.
Fucking dick nozzles, Cthulhu will not stand long for this.