4 responses to “2386. PROVERBS — Sex 02”

I am currently gobsmacked, however, by the idea that, when a woman says, “He only wants my body, not me . . .”, well, that’s true, but geez Louise, I want a man’s body. I want sex. I want all that, as players do, without hassle and frustration. But for me, the only way I am going to get all that and keep it is within the social and emotional and personal security that marriage affords (if it is “done” right).

For women (including us “church ladies” taught not to talk about it) an intimate adult relationship that lasts (and for me that’s marriage) . . . is obviously about MORE than just sex . . . and as men age they start to “get” that . . . but for both men and women, let’s be honest. An intimate adult relationship that lasts INCLUDES sex, and that’s what both men and women are after. Right? Or am I missing something?

Your Highness Edith mcklveen,

Of course you’re right about intimate adult relationships and both sexes are after satisfying sex. But, you’re not missing but seem to be ignoring something. Either women purposely generate what you want or it doesn’t get done the way you desire.

To get a lasting relationship, women have to proactively use sex to recruit and induce one man to stay with one woman. Otherwise, men spread seed to the max until exhausted and then find a woman to mate with for long term care.

Men don’t settle down and meet female expectations without women holding out against conquest. When women generally fail to yield because of principles bigger than themselves, it enables mothers to civilize boys, teen girls to tame adolescents, bachelorettes to domesticate the intentions of men, and wives to train husbands to admire themselves as faithful.

The process starts before puberty with mothers, passes through adolescence under the leadership of girls, enters singlehood under the influence of bachelorettes, and finishes up under the domestic leadership-by-example of wives.

In short, if women don’t play their sexual relation cards well and in their long-term interest, they can’t keep a man for a lengthy relationship. So, what does that do to intimate adult relationships? Masculine-style sexual freedom among women seduces men out of marriages and long-term relationships. Thus, every intimate adult relationship becomes vulnerable to frequent disruption and change by sister females. How long will women ignore that?

As a college type influenced by feminism (to the extent of thinking men and women were the same except for plumbing), I didn’t go the route of “women can do sex just like guys and get just as much satisfaction, blah blah blah”).

I went more the route of “men and women are meant to be each other’s friends and partners, not to dominate or manipulate each other, but to recognize each other as equally intelligent, creative, both equally in harness, pulling that wagon of life, blah, blah, blah.”

My parents, as i learned in later years, had a robust sex life up until a couple of years before my father died (when he started having a lot of health issues).

And in what one could call traditional ways, my mother was always very atttractively dressed and all about feeding and caring for her family (even after she went back to work when I was in high school), and my father, when he wasn’t busy making a living, was always busy around the house making, fixing, improving, mastering skills to upgrade or change pretty much anything my mother could think of.

But none of that was obvious. They were in absolute stealth mode about their sex life, and when they interacted with my sisters and I, we always saw them functioning as a team, a team that focused a whole lot on the idea that a woman’s strength was her mind. “God gave you your mind for a purpose!” my mother would say. And my father, dear geek that he was, was really attached to the notion that his daughters would be truly successful if they could master math and chemistry. My sisters did, I mastered, like my mother, art and literature.

The point is that learning how to use sex benefically as a woman was never part of my upbringing. When I started dating in college, my mother totally baffled me with “I know you have a good head on your shoulders” as her sole piece of advice. So, as a result, I got involved in some activities with my boyfriend that would have led to problems if his family had not come home at an opportune moment.

And I’ve been through other sorts of wrestling matches, but nothing ever came of any of them. I have held out for a life of commitment, and nobody has ever said, “Okay, let’s get hitched, and let’s get naked.”

So, aside from what I’ve learned here, I have zero really baked-in information about what it really means for a woman to use sex to get a man focused on marriage, monogamy, devotion, protection . . .

I understand intellectually the whole message of “put a ring on my finger, and I am yours in ways you cannot imagine.”

But in terms of showing an interest, a willingness, a desire to get naked under the right circumstances, but not putting out unless the circumstances are just right . . . that strikes me as game-playing and manipulation.

I have friends from Nepal, and every one of them met their spouse when they were teens, under the watchful eye of their parents, spent time growing up together, and at a certain point, they got married (sometimes the wife was already pregnant). As far as I can tell, in each situation, the marriage has lasted, the spouses are full partners in the relationship, and the children are loved and cared for. And all without the pushing and pulling and waiting and and waiting, and promising and withholding or hoping and not getting that seems to be the experience of most women who contribute here.

Are they just different, or is the male/female dynamic regarding sex the same but expressed differently? Beats me.

Your Highness Edith mcklveen,
They’re different because of lessons learned in life in a culture far different from yours. Culture is the values we all live by in society, and their society is vastly different also.
Guy

This makes me wonder sometimes how much of male and female behavior is actually hard-wired and how much is learned. THIS BLOG AIMS TO DESCRIBE THE DIFFERENCE. START READING THE SEX DIFFERENCE REDUX SERIES THAT STARTS AT 1747 AND YOU’LL SEE THE HARD-WIRED SIDE; ALL THE REST IS LEARNED IN LIFE.

It seems to me that many of my problems with male/female relationships are the result of living in a highly individualistic, what’s in it for me culture. If I lived in a more group-oriented culture, would things be easier? PERHAPS EASIER BUT NOT AS BENEFICIAL. IF YOU’RE AMERICAN YOU LIVE IN A CULTURE THAT EVOLVED UNDER INDIVIDUALISM RATHER THAN COMMUNITY GROUPINESS AS THE KEY. IF YOU MEASURE UNIVERSAL PROSPERITY RATHER THAN INDIVIDUAL COMFORT AS THE ULTIMATE GOAL, OUR FEMALE-DOMINATED JUDEO-CHRISTIAN CULTURE OUTPERFORMS ALL OTHERS AND HAS FOR OVER TWO CENTURIES.

My Nepali friends (especially their children) think it is extremely sad that I live alone, five hundred miles from my family. It’s an absolute mystery to them why I am old enough to be a grandmother and I’m still single. THEY OBJECT TO YOUR CHOICE AS AN INDIVIDUAL BECAUSE THEY ARE USED TO DEPENDING ON OTHERS FOR THEIR OPINIONS, JUDGMENTS, AND CHOICES. OTHERS WOULD DISCOURAGE YOU MAKING SUCH INDIVIDUALIZED CHOICES, BECAUSE YOUR STANDING OUT SO PROMINENTLY MAKES THEM APPEAR SMALLER THAN THEY LIKE. IOW, COMPETITION IN GROUPS MAKES EVERYONE MORE ALIKE. COMPETITION AS INDIVIDUALS MAKES EVERYONE MORE INDEPENDENT AND WORTHY IN DIVERSE WAYS.

Obviously, people in any culture can have problems in relationships and marriages, but overall for Nepalis, these things are not the big traumatic deal they are for many Americans. I guess the key is they understand and live by things Americans have forgotten. IN THE PAST HALF-CENTURY, AMERICANS HAVE FORGOTTEN MANY THINGS THAT IMPROVE LIFE FOR EVERYONE, BUT COMMUNITY CLOSENESS AND GROUPINESS ISN’T ONE OF THEM. IN FACT, THE POLITICAL IMPETUS IS TO PUSH US TOWARD COMMUNITY AND AWAY FROM INDIVIDUALISM. IT’S PARTICULARLY UNGOOD FOR WOMEN AS THEY HAVE STARTED TO ABANDON MORALITY AND RELIGION AS PREDOMINANT TOOLS FOR GUIDING MEN AND POLITICS. THE RESULT: MALE DOMINANCE NOW REARS UP EVEN HIGHER WITH GREATER DOMINION OVER WOMEN. FEMINISM WAS SUPPOSED TO END PARTIARCHY BUT IT WORSENS.

Your post and other posts help me to understand the behavior of a male friend. Thanks a lot!

Recently, my friend traveled with his girlfriend for 10 days. Probably sharing in one room together. Each of them posted scenery pictures of the tourist places on facebook. But none of them mentioned who was their company.
They came back on a Sunday night. On Tue, my friend already left messages on social media (using his other account with a totally different name) to random, teenage girls, asking them to come out on Saturday (probably for photo taking and for some fun).
His girlfriend somehow knew his hobby of ‘dating’ other girls. She sometimes posted some ‘nagging, whining’ messages on facebook. But recently it seems that she stopped this whining approach in order to keep her boyfriend.
I am wondering how their relationship will go, especially when other people think they are doing fine. If i have not accidentally come to know my friend’s secret social media account of asking young girls out, i would have thought he and his girlfriend are doing ok.

Your Highness Lilac,
Sorry, darling, but I can’t explain such behavior. But I wonder why you waste your precious time with or about such people. We all tend to become like those with whom we associate (or study or worry about).
Guy

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Wives lose husbands, but it can be prevented. Bachelorettes lose boyfriends, but it can be foreseen. Mates lose likeability, but it can be reversed. So what if the pool of good men appears half empty? By learning the true nature of men AND WOMEN, the pool appears at least half full and much more appealing to female determination and flexible to feminine influence.