This Week's New Movies: "Secretariat" vs. "Life as We Know It"? "It's Kind of a Funny Story"

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You were offered the best vampire movie of the year last week and you totally ignored it, so were' not sure what we can do for you at this point. Maybe a warm bowl of Disney schmaltz? Another bleh romcom? The story of a young Beatle? Or a pretty amusing film about a kid who wants to kill himself?

"Secretariat"
Diane Lane and John Malkovich star in the latest Disney-fication of a true-life story of a heroic sports figure, this time the last racehorse to win the Triple Crown. In theaters everywhere, read our review and watch the trailer

"Life as We Know It"
Katherine Heigl once again plays an uptight and unpleasant career woman whose life is this time sidetracked by the death of her friends who name her co-guardian of their orphaned child, a duty she must share with a slovenly, beer-swilling troglodyte, this time played by Josh Duhamel. In theaters everywhere, watch the trailer

"My Soul to Take"
Horror master Wes Craven wrote and directed this tale about a serial killer who comes back from beyond the grave to hunt seven kids who were born on the day he was allegedly put to rest – in 3D!!! In theaters everywhere, watch the trailer

"It's Kind of a Funny Story"
Newcomer Keir Gilchrist stars as teen who hastily has himself checked into a mental institution during a fleeting bout with thoughts of suicide. He very quickly realizes that maybe things aren’t so bad with a little help from fellow patients, played Zach Galifiankis and Emma Roberts. In limited release, read our review and watch the trailer

"Nowhere Boy"
Based on Lennon’s younger half-sister Julia Baird’s memoir, the story begins around the time young John learns his birth mother, also named Julia, whom he hasn’t seen in a decade, lives just around the way. A fast friendship develops, one that often veers dangerously close to the Oedipal. Along the way his mother infects him with a love of rock. And the rest is history. In limited release, watch the trailer

"Life As We Know It"

Katherine Heigl and Josh "Mr. Fergie" Duhamel are forced together when their mutual friends die, leaving them co-guardians of their only child. It's funny, these two start out hating each other, but we've got a funny feeling they just might fall in love.

"As Good As Dead"
Cary Elwes is kidnapped by three loons looking to avenge the death of Rev. Kalahan, a right-wing cult leader, played by Brian Cox, in this thriller co-starring Andie McDowell. In limited release, watch the trailer

"I Spit on Your Grave"
For reasons that remain unclear, they’ve remade one of the most notoriously disturbing and violent films ever, about a young woman who from the big city who escapes to a cottage in the country to work on her writing. After being gang-raped by some locals she exacts an insanely bloody revenge in thsi unrated bloodbath. In limited release, watch the trailer

It's the "Secretariat" Trailer by a Nose

Just in time for Derby season comes the latest Disney sniffle-fest based on true story, about a (person/team/animal) overcoming insurmountable odds to become a champion. Starring Diane Lane and John Malkovich.

(Published Wednesday, May 30, 2012)

"Inside Job"
Matt Damon narrates this documentary that tries to explain what exactly led to the global economic crisis. In limited release, watch the trailer

"It's a Wonderful Afterlife"
A Hindi comedy set in London about a mother frustrated in her attempts to find her daughter a husband who ultimately resorts to using hr kitchen skills to murder the men who don’t quite click with her kid. In limited release, watch the trailer