According to Science, Here’s the Exact Person Your Spouse Definitely Wants To Cheat With

According to research from an “extra-marital dating website” called Gleeden (“the #1 dating site for married people!”), your wife is currently—right now, while you waste your precious time reading the internet, you fool—fantasizing about…

But the results of a survey given to Gleeden’s 8,000 members showed an impressive 62 percent of women, “had fantasized about cheating with one of their neighbors,” according to a report on the study by GQ.

Meanwhile, 71 percent of men had done the same.

Most of the fantasies were just that—fantasy. But some women actually went through with it, although the affairs were apparently fleeting. From a Men’s Health report on the study:

They found that 31 percent of the site’s female members have had an actual affair with their neighbor. About 60 percent of these affairs were one night stands. However, 14 percent of women reported extending them to several weeks, while 6 percent continued it for more than a year.

Just remember guys, if you have a female living next door to you that makes you the neighbor. That means you’ll have a 31% chance of getting some.

Naturally, you can take the study with a grain of salt, as you can with any cheating research conducted by a website that doesn’t reveal their research methods in a well-crafted abstract. But! If you’re keeping score at home like a jealous, jealous little score keeper, we can put together the exact cheating scenario you should fear most.

A study done by VicotoriaMilan—another dating site for married people—found that “the average age of women having affairs” around the world was 36.6.

A year-old study from Gleeden found that “sign-ups [for their website] spike the second Monday after Christmas.”

And then there’s this recent study about the sexy neighbors next door.

So, check the boxes: Your wife is most likely to cheat if she’s 37-years-old, in a neighborhood book club, and you got her a clothing iron for Christmas.

If that sounds like your life—I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Your wife is definitely, 100 percent cheating on you. Leave her now. If she asks questions, say you read something on the Internet about it and it’s time to break up.

After all, now you can finally leave her and shack up with your neighbor. Who you’ve been fantasizing about non-stop. Sounds like a win-win for everyone.