The Hawthorne-Longfellow library will be hosting therapy dog fights to help Bowdoin students relieve stress during finals week.

This fighter bit off the ear of a pit bull

“We realized that petting dogs just is not nearly as relaxing as watching them tear each other apart,” said head librarian Michelle Vick. “When I see the carefree smiles of Bowdoin students, hear them joyfully encourage a dachshund to rip out a golden retriever’s throat, I can’t help but smile.”

“I was really anxious about my chemistry exam,” said one student, “but when I saw that corgi get disemboweled, the stress just melted away.”

Since the commencement of the therapy dog fights, stress levels of Bowdoin students have dropped 95%, test scores have risen 78%, and pet adoption has increased 456%.