The solution? Spy harder — a concept that both the “Colbert Report” anchor and the NSA can get behind.

For its latest tracking method, the NSA implanted transmitters in nearly 100,000 computers worldwide, either during the manufacturing process or implanted in plugins via USB cords. Finally, Colbert was shaken.

“They’ve got transmitters in our USB cords,” he said. “I’m guessing that’s why the first time you try to plug it in, it’s always the wrong way.”

As a result of the new tactic, Colbert is going completely off the grid. His hand-written tweets and pen-drawn porn became pretty rudimentary after that.