I have a question for you, I’m curious to know what makes you think of your house as a home? Is it what you create with food, material, wood, time, memories. Is it what you do when you’re home – reading, watching movies, watching TV, playing games, visiting with friends? Is it that you are married or single, have children or not have children? I find when I am trying hard to not stress out, I compare my life growing up to now, how my kids are growing up. I hope and pray when they are one their own, when they think of life at home as a child – it is with fond memories, not the day-to-day frustration I feel is overwhelming right now. I want them to “remember the good old days”, “the days before….”. :-D

Our barn

What do you use for mixing in your kitchen? I grew up with my mom having a Bosch. Mom used the Bosch at least once a week; for making our family’s bread. We didn’t buy bread, we made bread. She would mix a batch of dough for four loaves of bread at a time. When I was seven or eight, I could make the bread, I actually knew the recipe. I’m sure my mom divided the dough into the four loaves, but I do remember going off while waiting for it to rise, coming back to punch it down, and letting it rise again. I’m sure my mom was really on duty, but it was one of those things we kids were all aware of & my brothers would take turns/fight about who got to punch the bread. {you know, those wearisome moments for mom, but they are oh so fond memories}

Yum, the smell of home made fresh bread! {deeply inhaling} I remember bread being something my mom was known for. I don’t remember her ever buying bread, I’m sure she did every once in a great while, but I don’t remember it. I still remember smelling the fresh baked bread, and it was whole wheat bread. We would grind the wheat berries in the stone mill and she even did all the tricks of adding gluten to make it less crumbly. {Oh, how that makes me cringe to remember back to how I felt. I grew up having stomachaches, headaches and other symptoms; but that was just the way it was. I didn’t know any different. It makes me smile now to think of what I would eat. I don’t remember cookies as special treats – we got freshly ground whole wheat berries, still warm out of the grinder – with molasses on it.} This is my memory of bread in our family through my senior year in high school – okay, not the warm wheat and molasses part but we had homemade bread part.

I remember my friend’s mom mixed a double batch of cookies by hand(!) because their hand mixer wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t imagine how she was strong enough to mix it together. My mom and grandma had the same Bosch. I don’t remember how old I was when I learned what a Kitchen Aid was. I don’t remember knowing anyone who had a Kitchen Aid until I was older; it wasn’t until I moved out on my own that I decided I wanted one, after all everyone had a Kitchen Aid. They came in pretty colors and sat out on the counter; and nobody knew what a Bosch was. :-D As a young adult, I did have a bread maker at one point – but I hated it! It was one of the low-end early ones and it either burned or didn’t cook, and was such a pain to clean out….

Fast forward many years, many real life hardships, and much longing for a real home. I came to associate the Bosch with a home. My mom still had hers and it had been 20+ years and it was still going strong (she wasn’t about to give it to me, I asked). I thought I could make my house into a home if I had a Bosch. I’d never seen one for sale, didn’t even know where to look to buy one (obviously the days before internet) and most people still didn’t know what a Bosch was.

When I started homeschooling my son, I went to our curriculum fair and found there was a small independent retailer of Bosch mixers. I was so excited; I wanted to get one really bad. I wanted to get back into making bread. Then I saw the price – $500+, ya – it might as well have been $5000 or $50000. That dream was set aside.

Eight years ago my children and I went to my grandparents in northern Wisconsin to spend the winter months with them. Mom & Dad were going to be tied up for several months with work and the year previous there were health concerns, so I went down because I could and was blessed to spend time with my grandparents again. My grandma was a year past stroke and my cousins lived across the field, it was a way I could help the family. It wasn’t that my cousins couldn’t do it; they just graciously allowed me to come join them.

Grandma’s last birthday – just a month before she passed away

It was an opportunity to spend time with my Wisconsin family and help with taking care of grandma and grandpa. Our trip was to be Jan-March. Two weeks after getting there, the morning after her one-year post-stroke appointment, my grandma had a second series of strokes that put her into the hospital. She passed away two weeks later. The month following my grandpa started kidney dialysis three times a week. My children & I were able to extend our stay; we had the privilege of living with my Grandpa until mid-July, a total of 7½ months. It was an amazing time – my Grandpa was 80, my son 6½ and my daughter 3½ – my cousin and his wife lived across the field and had three little ones of their own. His wife (Christina) & I got to know each other. Our kids grew to love each other as cousins, Nate & Christina are “aunt & uncle” to my kids even though they are my cousins so that isn’t technically right. {their home is one of the places we spent weeks at last summer}

There is not one day or moment I have ever regretted us being there, spending that time with grandpa. We lived in the home I spent seven years of my childhood calling home; the home I have fond memories of fresh bread in. Where I remember going out to the silo in the barn to fill the bucket with wheat berries that we ground into flour. Anyway, my grandma had set aside her Bosch mixer for me. Everyone in the family knew it was for me. I remember being in such awe that I was going to have a Bosch, and not just any Bosch but my grandma’s Bosch, the one that matched my mom’s. I am sorry to say I have only made bread a couple times – I felt the ingredients were too expensive to make bread! How crazy is that?!

the cookie/soft batter beaters – I have bread kneaders & plates for shredding as well

At some point in it’s life while waiting to be given to me, the Bosch fell off the freezer. We weren’t sure it would work, but my grandpa had it tuned up before we brought it from Wisconsin to Alaska and there was nothing wrong with it. It is now nearly 40 years old and still runs great, it has never broken and I have used it lots for cakes, cookies, frosting – and the blender for smoothies. My guess is this mixer will be still going strong for many, many years yet.

Where the blender attaches is under the lid on right side.

I wanted to start making bread again a couple years ago, but then I started school so it didn’t happen. Now, I have to do gluten free and the ingredients really are too expensive to mess up. At the same time, it’s $5.50 for a single loaf of gluten free bread (Udi’s is the best!). I have not had a piece of bread in months. I have had a couple of gluten free hot dog buns (Udi’s) because I got them in the $2 off older bread & just put them in the freezer. I want the smell of fresh bread; I want the simple life style conducive to making our own bread; I want my daughter to learn how to make bread. I’m now in a debate of do I need to get a bread maker instead? But I don’t want a bread maker, is it necessary for making gluten free bread? My greater debate/challenge is re-prioritizing so we can have the simpler lifestyle.

Rather than stressing – I’m choosing to hang onto these two promises:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

Matthew 6:25

“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Today my kids and I were needing to kill a bit of time, so we headed to Value Village (our version of GoodWill). I love thrift store shopping when prices are cheap, too often for the price I find something at Value Village I can buy it brand new on clearance. That annoys me!

Anyway, so we’d done the rounds looking for legos, skis, “butterfly” shirts (shirts with big floppy sleeves-I remember them as angel sleeves), and jeans, so we were walking the perimeter of the store to the checkout. We, of course, detoured past the craft stuff (I left it all there) and into housewares – I was just glancing over the dishes to see if anything jumped out at me. Let me take you on a short bunny trail: my mom has a thing for purses, mine is for tote bags; my mom has a thing for bowls (all sizes, and no more than 2 the same-drives me nuts!), yet mine is for plates. Not big plates, but saucer size and salad plate size (they stack, no matter the size). We don’t use dinner plates, except for serving. Back to Value Village in the housewares… I see these plates, a batch of two with a rubber band. They’re saucer size, don’t have a cup indent, and have beautiful flowers on them. I LOVE flowers, real flowers, pretty much all of them; but when it comes to photos/items pained floral I’m picky.

Okay, I’m taking you on another bunny trail: My dad’s mom loved flowers as much as I do. This love of flowers has been ingrained in me since before remembering meeting my grandma (at age 7). It is a tangible connection I have even now with my grandma. I loved my grandma dearly, she passed away eight years ago now. I know she is in Heaven with a new, well, healed body, but I’m selfish and I still miss her. When I see certain batches of flowers, or a certain kind of painting, or type of tea cup/mug, maybe the way the sun shines through a window onto a batch of flowers – those memories of being a child from 7-14 years of age coming rushing over me, it is as if it were yesterday. Those are the years our family lived in northern Wisonsin, living near my grandparents. It is the way I remember her, so many, many years ago (20+ years). I greatly loved my grandma and I still miss her.

I picked them up to discover they were sitting on another batch of two with a rubber band, salad plate size – really, my two favorite sizes? My breathe caught, they were so pretty! And, there were two of each – one for Christine & I; or for a treat with a friend & I (just need to find teacup/mug)…depending on what the situation is at the moment. All four plates looked unused, no scratch marks, and still very evenly shiny. (By the way, I left the two dinner plates that matched there :-D)

I decided I really wanted them, but I wouldn’t pay more than $5-7 per set – and if they were $5, then I was only going to get one size. In other words I wasn’t going to pay more than $5 for plates I didn’t need, I just really wanted them :-D. All the other plates I thought were interesting were $5.99/$6.99 for a single plate, I took a deep breath before checking the price, and guess what?! The two little ones, $.99; the two bigger ones, $1.29 — that made $2.28 for all four! That is my kind of deal!! I was so stoked, it wasn’t even a debate in my mind. (not even taking the four and leaving the two bigger ones) My kids saw my face and agreed, “just get them mom”. My mind was SCREAMING, “God, you are so funny! Not only did you let me get ALL of them (when I don’t need them) – You gave them all to me at less than half of what I was willing to pay for one!”

My kitchen walls are dark brown/red, and the other accent/decor is khaki/burlapy/vintage mini roses/tea cups/etc. Not dainty, more rustic. Our other plates are an avocadoy green, dark brown/red, and off white, our bowls are off white — so it really does all go together. Once summer comes I can take pictures in my kitchen, but until then they really don’t turn out.

I know they are just stuff, but when I see them it is the “ache/catch/thought” that causes me to take a long, slow, deep breath and just say “Thank You, Heavenly Father. Thank You for giving me a grandma who made You her focus, taught me, and loved me so dearly.* Thank You for all of your provisions”. A lot of my reaction is due to the painting on these plates, they remind me of my grandma. He IS in the little things! I know plates are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet He knew it would make me so happy. Their coloring totally goes in my kitchen with my other colors and pottery.

{fast forward several hours} – I’ve taken my kids to see The Lorax, we’ve gone to get groceries, and now we’re home making pizza for our Friday night pizza night. This whole time, I feel just a bit giddy, like a dork who can’t quit thinking of the good deal God gave me today. So, I’m washing dishes and while washing the new plates, I turn it over to wash the bottom side – guess what, they’re Cheri Blum! It shocked me – Cheri Blum is the only artist who I’ve ever consistently seen a picture/painting and it catches my breath; I even had checks of hers once, it was the only time I ever paid full price to re-order the same checks. I had no idea!

*I don’t in any way mean my parents didn’t, but grandma understood me. I got my creativeness from her, she & I were very similar in many ways – physically and mentally.

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