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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I really don’t like the phrase “New Years resolution”. I’ve probably made hundreds of resolutions over the years. I’m sure I have made more than I have kept. I’m sure that I have made some that I had no intention of keeping. I know that I’ve made some that were broken before the first day of the new year was over. I have also made some several years in a row.

I made them with good intentions. I meant well. I wanted to do better. But the truth of the matter is, I need to make more than just a resolution for the new year. I need to be making a resolution that is life changing, not just year changing. A new years revelation. A life changing revelation.

I need to be focusing on what I can do to change my heart. Change my desires. Change my choices. Change me.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is found in Jeremiah 29:13-14.

“And You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord.”

My desire for my life in 2010 and beyond, is to be a seeker of God.

A true lover of and diligent seeker of God.

I want to know Him deeper and seek Him higher. I desire to know Him more intimately. I want to learn how to apply His Word to my life like never before.

I want to focus on embracing His plan for my life. Embracing it even when the circumstances are adverse. Learning to change ‘me’ during those times instead of expecting God to change the circumstances.

I want to focus on what He is teaching me and then surrendering to where He is leading.

I want to search the scriptures and find truth. Truth that speaks. Truth that convicts. Truth that changes.

My hearts cry is to be captivated by God. Be a true seeker. Walk in His ways. Keep His commandments. Love like God loves.

Oh, I want to be found by Him. I want His presence to consume me. To overpower me. To overwhelm me.

I pray that 2010 will be a year that God’s church rises up. A year that the people of Christ begin to let our voices be heard. A year that God speaks to us and we listen. A year that we take what He is speaking and we put feet to it. I pray that we will be true seekers of God. True seekers of the Truth. True lovers of the Word.

It’s time to seek the Lord!

“Sow for yourselves righteousness; Reap in mercy; Break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, till He comes and rains righteousness on you.” (Hosea 10:12)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Anytime our crew gets together, it is quite entertaining to say the least. Our "crew" consists of Jimbo and myself, our 3 daughters, 2 sons-in-law and 5 grandchildren whose ages are 7,4, almost 3, almost 2 and 9 months. The combination of all the above makes for something that I lovingly call "JOYFUL CHAOS". Ha!

There are generally several different conversations or discussions going on at the same time. Voice levels are usually louder than what the term 'inside voice' dictates. You can count on at least one child fussing. One child crying. Another child screaming - either in anger or pain... Most of the time as a direct result of the actions of another cousin.

Someone is always hungry. Or thirsty. Or needs to go to the bathroom. Mercie and Sawyer compete for diaper changes.

Mikaela is the nurturer of the bunch and trys to keep the peace between Bryton and Eli, who seem to tie up at least once every get together. They do love each other, but the 'boy' in them really comes out when they are together...

There are usually 2 grandkids competing for Nana's lap or Papa's arms. The presence of 1 child in either place automatically signals time for a stampede of the other children to do the same. Inside voices rarely follow when this event takes place..

But there is one thing that is always present, even amidst the seeming chaos. There is one thing that will always prevail and that is LOVE. Love for family. Love for each other. Love for our Savior.

As we all gathered in the living room around the Christmas tree, Megan began to read the account of Jesus' birth from Luke. As she read, Mikaela, Eli and Bryton acted out the events of that special night. It was so precious and it really helped them to fully grasp what took place and to really understand why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

The presents that were piled under God's tree (as Bryton calls it), were most certainly not the focus of our celebration yesterday. In fact, the presents were the very last thing we did. And although we did enjoy opening our gifts, we made sure that Jesus was at the center of all we did.

As the gifts began to be unwrapped, it looked like it was snowing wrapping paper and ribbon. Paper was flying, children were laughing. Everyone was oohing and aaahing. "I love it!", "thank you!" and "it's perfect!" could be heard all around the room by kids and grown-ups alike. Faces lit up with joy. Smiles abounded and hearts were touched.

The room gradually grew quiet. The commotion ceased and the tree was empty of presents. In about 30 minutes time, it was seemingly over. The gifts had all been given. Hopes and expectations had presumably been met. Needs and wants were certainly taken care of.

For all intents and purposes, that part of Christmas was over. The part that we so painstakingly prepared for. The part that we agonized and fretted over. The part where we 'spent more than we needed to'. The giving and receiving was over. Or was it? Perhaps giving and receiving can take on new meaning for the coming year. How about giving more of ourselves and receiving more of God?

We may not have accomplished that last year, but now it's time for us to focus on how we will do this year different. How will we make 2010 better than 2009? How will we change our attitudes. Our actions. Our intentions.

It is time to assess any damage done in 2009 and make a game plan to recoop losses for the next year. It is time to focus on making 2010 a year that counts.

A year of sacrifice.

A year of Joy.

A year of hope and miracles.

A year of knowing Him better.

A year of hearing Him speak. Obeying His commands.

A year of walking the walk.

A real Jesus year.

We need to celebrate the birth of Jesus every day of our lives. His birth is where it all began. He came so He could die, so that we could live.

Jesus - He is the reason for not only the season.

But for Life.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

"...that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God"

( Ephesians 3:17-19)

The love of Christ is immeasureable.

The breadth of His love extends to all people.

The length of His love extends to the lowest of our human need.

The height of His love extends to the highest heaven.

Christ's love for us covers all dimensions. The love He has for us surpasses all knowledge. His love for us transcends everything we can comprehend or imagine.

He loves us with an everlasting love. An unconditional love. A perfect love.

His love gives us roots to plant deep so we can be firmly grounded in Him.

Firmly grounded in His Word. Firmly grounded in His love. Firmly grounded in our faith.

He loves us with an indwelling love. He abides in us and gives us the ability to love others.

"We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19)

Because of His love -

We keep His commandments.(1 John 5:2)

We love others. (1 John 4:7)

We have no fear. (1 John 4:18)

We are His children. (1 John 3:1)

Because of His love for us -

We can experience victory over sin and death through the shed blood of His precious Son.

I pray that during this time of year, we keep our focus on the baby in the manger. The birth of our Savior. The Christ-child. I pray that we long to draw nearer to Him and yearn for the deeper things in Christ. May the love that God has for us, cause us to love more. May we keep the season all about the Son of God. Let's celebrate the gift of Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us.

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Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for the unending, eternity reaching, unconditional love that you showed all mankind on the cross. Thank you for loving me when I am unloveable. Help me to love others. Help me to love like you love. Thank you precious Lord for loving me well. You are awesome and mighty and powerful. You are my everything. You are indeed the reason for the season.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord" (Luke 2:11)

Many, many times in our lives we have told our children the true meaning of Christmas.

But have we actually shown them the true meaning? Are we pointing them to the cross? Are we leading them to the manger? Are we telling them about the birth of Jesus and His life?

It's so easy to say that Christmas is all about Jesus. But if we aren't backing it up with tangible evidence are we really accomplishing anything? If we stress to our kids that it's not about the gifts, but then we have the presents stacked high up under the tree, are we being truthful? If we tell them that it's better to give then to receive, but then we don't give, aren't we being deceptive?

When my 2 year old grandson, Bryton, asked his mother the other morning, "Mama, do you know why Christmas is so special?", it's because she has asked him that question many times lately as she is trying to teach him that Christmas is all about Jesus.

So when Ashlie's response was, "Why do YOU think it's so special Bryton?", he was able to say, "because it's Jesus' birthday!"

He knows that because she has taught him. And we do need to teach our children. But it isn't just enough to teach them in word only. We have to show them. They need to see evidence that it is truly all about Jesus.

They need to see us doing for others.

They need to see us putting Jesus first.

They need to hear the Christmas story every chance we get and especially on Christmas morning.

They need to see Jesus being the focus of all we do and say.

They need to see...

The only way they will ever 'get it' is by example.

We have to show them why Christmas is so special.

We need to show them that Mary was blessed. That Joseph was obedient. That God sent His Son.

We need to show them that a Savior was born. That a tiny baby was brought forth that bore the fingermarks of God. That the glory of God came down.

We need to show them that love grew. That grace came. That mercy fell.

We need to show them Jesus. The Christ child. The Messiah. Emmanuel.

Jesus came to this world to save us from our sins. He became sin that we might be delivered from it. He came to redeem us with His precious blood. He came to grant us forgiveness and take away our bondage. Jesus came that we might taste of eternal life. Abundant, overflowing, amazing life everlasting. Jesus came to die. For me and for you.

Friday, December 11, 2009

There have been many times in my life that I have allowed regret to build a wall between me and God. I fail so often in my Christian walk and then I fail to let God apply His mercy to those failures. Sometimes it seems as if the harder I try to live a life of sanctification and holiness, the harder it is to succeed. I feel like each step I take forward results in at least 2 steps in the reverse direction.

My determination to live a life pleasing to Christ seems to bring out obstacle after obstacle. My eagerness to be all that God has called me to be seems to be an open invitation for the enemy to close in.

I feel like I am in a constant battle against my flesh. I feel like there is an on going war with my sinful nature.

I have learned that I have to stay alert at all times to the schemes and manipulations of the enemy. I need to be on constant guard against the mind games that satan likes to play.

But the main thing is that when I DO fail, I have to learn to forgive myself. For some reason, I find it easier to forgive others than to forgive my own self. But I have to remind myself that God applies that same precious blood to my own sin just as He does to others.

Colossians 3:13 tells us, "Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive"

That includes ourselves. When we neglect to forgive ourselves we allow regret to move into our lives. Unfortunately, when regret moves in, it brings distraction with it. And distraction moves in with a vengence bringing all sorts of baggage with it..

Regret steals the JOY that our Father intends for us to have. Joy that comes through our salvation. Joy that comes through the shedding of that blood of Christ on the cross. Joy that comes through Jesus. Joy that Christ wants us to have!

When we repent, God wipes that slate clean. It doesn't leave behind the fingerprints of regret. Only the fingermarks of sweet mercy and forgiveness.

Oh, Father, help me to learn how to forgive myself when I fail you. Help me to lay those failures down at your feet and ask for sweet forgiveness. Help me to allow that forgiveness to penetrate deeply in my spirit and help to me bask in the Joy of knowing my sins were covered at Calvary. May I arise from the place of repentance more determined to live for You. More purposed in my walk. More passionate for my Savior. I love you Lord and I praise you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon my and my family. You are my JOY!

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Melissa had a good check up yesterday. Her platelets are up to 165,000. Her hemoglobin is up to 10.0. He said when it gets to 12 - 15, then she will begin to have more energy and not be so tired. She is still a little jaundiced. Her bilirubin is still fluxuating in the 3's. It needs to come down to .4 and he said that once her other liver enzymes begin to stabalize, then that will happen. Her AST liver enzymes that were in the 300's are now 52 and almost normal. I didn't realize how sick her liver really was! She was also holding 18 pounds of fluid that is now gone.

I continue to praise God for the miracle that her performed in my child. I also am so thankful and grateful to all the prayers that everyone has lifted up on her behalf. Continue to pray. She goes back to the doctor on the 22nd and hopefully that will be the final visit!

Mary, did you know that the angelic toddler you nurtured would one day be Lord of lords?

That his first faltering steps would be the beginning of the walk to the cross?

That the little boy you watched grow in wisdom and stature would be the Savior of the world?

That your Son would perform miracles and wonders?

Mary, did you know that your precious child would be the deliverer for all?

That he would be betrayed, beaten, mocked and crucified?

Once, you stood by his cradle watching, rocking and filled with joy.

Then you stood by the cross watching, helpless and filled with pain.

How your heart must have been aching...

Your heart and Your Son.

Both wounded and bleeding.

Both betrayed and dying.

Both broken.

Your beloved Son... God's beloved Son..

Oh, Mary did you know?

That He would one day reign victorious? Seated at God's right Hand.

He is mighty to save.

Emmanuel

God with us.

Savior.

Redeemer.

"Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother..."

"Jesus, I praise you for what you accomplished for me on the cross. I thank you for the sacrifice you made and the pain you bore. Thank you for loving me and becoming the redemption for my sins. I am so unworthy but I am ever so grateful. You are merciful and mighty. I praise you for who you are. I praise you for what you did. Thank you for salvation. Thank you for the cross."

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Thank you for your continued prayers for Melissa.

She is still very weak and very tired. She is still juandiced. We took her back today for blood work and hope to have results tomorrow. Her doctor called today to check on her. We will also go back Thursday for blood work and to see Dr. Parker. He said this could take a month to get her completely back on her feet. We appreciate your ongoing prayers for her!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

As I am sitting here tonight in my own house, on my own couch, I am looking at my daughter laying on the love seat and my heart is full of gratitude. There is definitely no place like home.

I am so thankful to my precious Savior that He showed her mercy this week. I am thankful that He showed her glorious love this week. I am thankful that He gave her a glimpse of His splendor and restored her health. I am so thankful that He reached down and touched her and healed her.

He showed up and showed Himself mighty. He showed up and bestowed marvelous grace on the life of my daughter. He showed up...

In the midst of the storm, as I cried out to Him, he heard me. He heard the cry of a hurting and frightened mother. He heard the cry of one of His children and was there. He gave me comfort and peace. He tucked me away in the cleft of the rock. He gave me strength when I thought I had no more. He gave me renewal when I thought I couldn't hang on. He covered me with His wing.

He gave me a Word. A Word that I gripped so tightly I still see the imprint of it on the palms of my hands. A Word that I want to be ever mindful of as I realize the magnitude of what He did for me and for Melissa. For all of us.

May I never forget what He did. May I never forget the miracle He performed.

I find myself tonight in a state of brokenness. I realize how unworthy I am of what He did for me. I realize how pitiful and wretched I am. I realize that He gave me what He didn't give Himself. The life of my child. That is a very humbling thought.

Precious Lord, I thank you so much for the healing that you ministered in Melissa this week. You have restored her and renewed her. You have brought her from sickness to health. You have delivered her from the enemy. You have surrounded her with your glory and your grace.

Lord, help me to live my life in a way that is pleasing only to You. Help me to walk worthy of Your calling. Help me to always seek Your presence. May I always be an instrument for your glory.

In the precious name of Your Son Jesus, Amen

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Melissa was discharged today around noon. Her platelets were up to 119,000. Her bilirubin was 2.4 (he wanted it lower but was satisfied that it had gone down.) Her hemoglobin went from a 6 to an 8, so he was satisfied that it was on the upward swing as well. Her liver enzymes are still high and she is still very swollen, but he is confident that it will continue to go down as she continues to heal.

She has 2 appointments next week for more blood work and to see the doctor. All four doctors who were part of her case came to see her before she left. They were all so nice and hugged her and were so happy that she was doing so well.

She is very weak and very tired. She has about a month of recovery ahead of her. I am watching her like a hawk!

Thank you so much for being such great prayer warriors and friends. I felt the prayers and the love so much! Keep praying that she continues to heal and regain her strength.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You." (Jeremiah 32:17)

This is the face of a happy girl. She had her 2nd dose of 4 Malarone pills last night and other than nausea, she had no other problems. She will get her final 4 pills tonight and then her blood work in the morning.

The Lord has just continued to pour his blessings out to us and we just continue to stand amazed at His goodness. Dr. P came by with her blood work results from this morning. Dr. W from the trauma ER room came up to check on her today as well.

Ready for some awesome, amazing, wonderful news? You want to see how the power of God and prayer has just worked mightily in the life of my precious daughter?

* Liver enzymes down to the double digits (previously in the triple digits)

* Billirubin down to 2.9 (from 16 originally)

*Platelets up to 91,000! (a far cry better than 11,000)

* Blood smear that shows number of parasites in the red blood cells? Zero! You read that right. There are no parasites present in her red blood cells. None!

Today she is resting better. She still has an excrutiating headache and they are supposed to finally give her something for it since her numbers are headed in the right direction. She has had lots of nausea today, but is doing so much better.

The doctor said when her billirubin comes down to in the "1's", then she can go home as long as all the other numbers are still holding good. We are hoping that the blood work in the morning will show this so we can leave this place and go home!

The Lord continues to show Himself mighty. He continues to hold us close. He continues to bring healing and restoration. We just give Him all the praise and glory for what He has done in Melissa's body. We exalt Him for His majesty and His love! He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He is our all in all. He is God.

"You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Melissa had a pretty good day yesterday. She was laughing and talking a little and even ate a little lunch. We had a pretty peaceful and uneventful day.

Around 5 PM she received her 4th and final dose of Artesunate. They brought it early so they could give her the first round of Malarone 4 hours from that point. Thus began the downhill slide. Nausea, vomiting, fever, chills and pain.

By 8PM she was hurting in her upper stomach feeling a lot more pressure than she had been. The liver and spleen are pushing against the ribcage and causing discomfort and she was afraid it was worse. She got really scared thinking something was wrong.

The nurse sumoned the on-call doctor and he came down in about 10 minutes. Not impressed with him. Not even mildly. He was rude, uninformed, and immediately said the wrong thing to this mother and her 23 year old daughter.

"A famous cardiologist went on a hunting trip to Cameroon and got malaria and died" is what he said. I looked at him and said, "Well, thanks for that..."

The nurse look horrified that he would even say that. Then he wanted to know all about who diagnosed her and all and didn't really get to the point of the problem. The nurse helped explain things better when he left. Apparently since the hemoglobin was down, it can cause the cells in the liver and spleen to swell a little more. But she assured us that she was OK. It is a vicious cycle right now. But she did help us feel better.

At 9PM they gave her the starter dose of Malarone which consisted of 4 pills. She will take 1 pill tonight and 1 more pill Wednesday night and hopefully go home Thursday or Friday. If her numbers keep going in the right direction.

Almost immediately after the dose of Malarone, she began vomiting and Melissa's spirits plummetted quickly. For the next 3 hours I had to pray, quote scripture, sing, rub her back and rub her arm.

I had her close her eyes and told her to picture Jesus at the head of her bed reaching down and touching her.

Reaching down and breathing healing into her body.

Reaching down and breathing new life into her spirit.

I could feel Him. He was there.

I began singing softly. "He is here, hallelujah. He is here, Amen. He is here holy, holy. I will bless His name again. He is here, listen closely. Hear Him calling out your name. He is here. You can touch Him. You will never be the same."

I text my friend and had her sing with me. Melissa fell into a peaceful sleep for awhile. I was afraid to stop or even move. So I sat and sang and sang and sang..... And the tears flowed.

I felt Him. I welcomed Him. I leaned back against Him and I melted in His embrace.

When Melissa woke this morning, she thanked me for stroking her head. I told her it wasn't me, but her Savior.....

Once again, He covered us. Once again, He tucked us safely in the cleft of the rock.

Praise you sweet Jesus. I love you ever so much.

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Update for this morning -

**Liver counts a little higher (but not to worry says Dr. P)
**Platelets ??? 51,000!!! Yes - they are steady coming up and that is a good thing! Dr. P teased her and told her she was getting way too many... ha! only 74,000 to go!
**Potassium low - so she got a wonderful and tasty potassium cocktail which promptly made her sick....
** We are out of ICU! Yes! She is in her own room! Thank you Jesus!

She is resting well this morning. A little nausea and very weak, but in good spirits. Nothing like a touch from Jesus to perk you up!