Gambling – Not the Problem, But the End Result

There have been various short or prolonged periods in my life where I have felt down, lost and not feeling I was getting what I wanted out of life. At these times I would turn to any distraction I could. The main ones I used were alcohol, drugs and gambling. These distractions involved a stimulation of some kind where I would get caught up in what I was doing so I could forget, however temporarily, what was going on for me at the time.

When I started to develop a deeper connection with myself I found the alcohol and drugs were relatively easy to say no to. The gambling problem however, posed something more insidious.

It was blatantly clear that I would get caught up in it and lose all sense of reality and then feel really crap afterwards. I would then say “Never again” and pick myself back up but, when a period of ‘struggle’ came, I would turn back to gambling. I would justify it, and allow it to control me. I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to myself, let alone anyone else.

It’s crazy looking back at how I would justify to myself that it was ok, even though EVERYTHING in my body and ALL around me was giving me signs that I would over-ride. I was always being asked why I was there, as I did not fit in with the usual casino crowd.

It wasn’t really about the money either, even though big sums were involved. It didn’t really matter whether I won or lost – it was like I was trying to punish myself to distract me from the pain I was feeling. Crazy!! – think about it: I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!

I had a huge arrogance and wanted to think that I could get away with it, that I could ‘beat the system’ – a metaphor for ‘I could beat life’. Even when I would walk out from the casino with 10s of thousands of pounds or dollars in cash, NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.”

It has been through the on-going inspiration and teachings presented and lived by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners that I have been able to turn my life around. I have never been told “Don’t do this or that” – rather, I’ve been helped to come to an understanding about what was actually going on for me. I have never felt any judgment. To say that is huge, especially given that I would be my worst imaginable judge, jury and executioner! There has been no perfection sought or asked for either, so no pressure.

By steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus, the extremes of my emotions have gotten less extreme: I now catch myself long before I fall into the deep pit of depression.

Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.

Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.

By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.

I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life. Whilst I may dip into, get caught in ‘my stuff’ and feel down, now these downs cannot hold me and do not take over my life as they used to.

So a HUGE thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have inspired me to be more of the love that I naturally am.

By James Nicholson BNat, Frome, UK

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A 30 year old man living in the Somerset countryside, with my partner Meg and dog Molly. I have travelled extensively and lived in places from Thailand, teaching Scuba diving, to Australia, studying Naturopathy at SCU, and then to London, working in a zoo, before venturing back to Frome, UK. I have a deep love for people, and find it really enjoyable helping them with their kitchen, bathroom and/or bedroom designs. I also love the beach, nature, and animals.

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750 Comments

Rod Harvey says:April 22, 2014 at 8:29 am

Extraordinary James how by opening up to love and discarding what was not love in your life you were able to overcome self damaging behaviours. Could the healing of addictions be so fundamentally simple?

Hi Rod, yes I fully agree. It’s easy to get caught up identifying the ill behaviour and trying to rectify it. But by building a more harmonious and loving way of being there is no space or need for such damaging behaviour.

Hi James, this is so true. I have spent my whole life trying to fix and change things and myself, but what I am learning for myself through attending Universal Medicine courses/workshops and presentations is that there is no true change in this way of life, that it is futile and that real change comes from me deciding to live harmoniously and lovingly with myself and everyone else.

So well said Shevon. I can try to fix and change things from where there are and how they are but this always comes from a reaction to something I do not like. I know the only true way for change to happen is when I start with love and then say anythign less does not fit in. So the basis and foundation is love not need, regret or trying to get anywhere.

James it’s so true how it’s easy to get caught up in identifying the ill behaviour and trying to fix it and then being in the spin of it. But like you say when we build the loving way of being there is no space or need to bring in behaviours that are damaging. It really is about working on the self love first and creating that loving way.

Me too, it really is so simple.
Thank you James for writing your story. When you say that the money you won came laced with “an I own you feel” I began to feel into why gambling is so addictive. A late family member was a prolific better on the horses, and even though I don’t remember very much around this as they died when I was a child, I can though remember that it felt quite tense being around them on Saturdays, especially if we spoke too loud and the radio became difficult to hear. I am glad that I read your blog this morning James, it has allowed me to feel the truth of gambling and the effects this has on family members of gamblers.

Josephine Bell says:June 19, 2015 at 3:43 pm

Yes, self-love the place to start with everything it seems and as you say James, self-expression and not holding it all inside is very much a part of self-love.

It is indeed Josephine, for me expressing what I feel inside means that I do not keep a secret or hidden part of me where things I do not like can linger. I used to keep a lot of these things to myself as I was ashamed of many of them but all that ends up happens is that overtime they build up and become seemingly way bigger than they actually are into something overwhelming that dare not be addressed just in case I get swallowed up by it again or I talk to someone about it and then get thought of as crazy!

Simone Ellis says:September 24, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Its so great that we are understanding how important that it is to express our love to each other, when we remove the blocks and let our love out there is a river and an endless expression of love that will never cease, unless of course if we choose to hold it back again. Holding back love – makes no sense at all, and hurts us all deeply.

katie walls says:February 5, 2016 at 9:42 pm

This is so the case Josephine, when we hold back our expression there is so much of ourselves that we can’t feel creating a sense of emptiness, we then seek stimulation or vices such as gambling to distract us from this feeling.

Victoria Lister says:February 27, 2015 at 5:09 am

Good question Rod and good observation James about identifying with the ill behaviour and trying to rectify it. I have often wondered if, in trying to give up an addiction, those who rely on a support group for people with the same addiction don’t end up substituting one addiction, say drugs or alcohol, with another – the group and its way of life. Although you could argue the latter is better for them than the former, it still doesn’t feel like the answer. There is a simpler way.

I agree Victoria. We can unconsciously swap one addiction for another. The word here is unconsciously. But if we are living in our essence every moment of the day this will not happen and life is much simpler and enjoyable.

So in truth it’s not about the gambling, food, smoking etc, etc. it’s about continuing to deepen our relationship with ourselves and returning to the harmony within.

James Nicholson says:September 13, 2015 at 3:44 pm

I agree Victoria and Patricia, it is so easy to jump from one thing to another without stopping to address the 1st thing. It is quite common, for example for people to stop smoking and then put on weight because they eat more – they substitute eating for the smoking. Neither is good or healthy yet they are championed for giving up smoking. It is quite crazy how we can allow our mind to fool us.

Kate Maroney says:November 25, 2015 at 10:49 am

We tend to give focus a people’s behaviours, whether it be gambling, excessive spending, not cleaning your house or a child having a tantrum. But the behaviours are never the problem only the symptom. Dealing with the reason you gamble, the reason you take drugs, the reason you eat sugar or the reason behind any behaviour that isn’t truly representative of you is the only way to truly leave that behaviour behind.

I agree Kate, it harder to admit at the time as it can seem like a massive dark cloud hanging over you but as soon as you see it simply for what it is it dissipates. It is then your responsibility to continue to make loving choices so the thought then have no room to take hold as they once did before.

Danna Elmalah says:December 15, 2015 at 6:18 am

Very beautiful said James, and yes Kate Maroney, it is never the behavior that makes the person. Understanding of what is really happening is important, not judging or wanting people to stop certain behavior while not looking at the roots. It is best to heal the roots so the issue/hurt behind it gets not a different flavor in result, but is actually released and let go off.. That would be awesome!

Tamara Flanagan says:December 15, 2015 at 7:20 am

We sure do Kate, however, this is just a decoy – another form of distraction.

katie walls says:February 5, 2016 at 9:44 pm

Yes Kate, its like addressing the situation from the inside out.

Elaine Arthey says:April 24, 2016 at 2:03 pm

Thank you for this reminder this morning. I stopped in my tracks and allowed my breathing to deepen and become very tender and I could feel in my body so clearly what was happening, This re-connecting to and deepening of my awareness supports me big time and I realise I need to check in more often. Thank you Kate Moroney.

James Nicholson says:August 11, 2016 at 3:06 pm

I agree Victoria, it feels like a substitution rather than an actual healing of the issue. I find it is easy to talk about things and issues but actually dealing with them is something different. By dealing with them I do not mean blaming yourself or anybody else. But rather living in a way that says no to that ill behaviour. By living lovingly with yourself naturally those ill patterns will not arise. And the only way I have found to do this is to not leave any stone unturned – for even one can bubble up to the surface and hook you back in. Honesty, truth and transparency is very much needed.

Beautifully said Luke, and so applicable to many other areas of our lives. When we find that place of harmony within ourselves and we live from that place, anything that is not harmonious definitely feels like it does not belong in our lives anymore.

It is no surprise Vicky and so it is great to expose the flaws with many of the ‘addiction’ clinics and ways we go about trying to help people. For example, I am now not a recovered gambling addict, rather a person who delved into gambling when I was not feeling great, and now no longer need the misery and destruction it brought to my life!

Great point Luke, I know I have focused on the symptom in the past, whether it was my weight or smoking. It has become clearer to me over time that if you just deal with the symptom, the underlying cause does not go away. If what is causing the behaviour is healed, the symptom, be it gambling, over eating or what ever, will naturally not be a needed part of your life any more.

It is fascinating Debra how so many of the give-up or self help things focus on the symptom/issue and not the fact that we are love and so anything less than love we are not being our true selves. It means in most cases the behaviour is simply substituted with a seemingly lesser, less harmful one but really nothing has changed.

So often the focus is on trying to overside the desire of the habit, controlling the behaviour and in this often comes a struggle versus bringing the understanding to the hurt and unresolved issue that is underpinning the behaviour.

James Wow, I have just read you latest blog and if you put them side by side they are in complete contrast to each other. How far you have come in a year James you are a true inspiration to us all. It is living proof that that what Serge Benhayon teaches does work. It’s all about choices and you have made some huge positive choices that have turned your life around.

Thank you Mary, life is all about choices, we can either stay in our hurts and play the victim or we can let go of our hurts and simply be the love that we all naturally are. Quite simple really- it just takes a continual series of choices saying yes to love and no to everything which is not. The beauty is that there is no end goal as we can continuously deepen and develop our level of love, even when we ‘think’ how can life get any better or more loving!

We can be our own worst judge and critic at many times and so it is great to hear James that you were supported without judgement to overcome this addiction. Your story is relatable to any form of addictive behaviour, of which most of us have had some vice or go to, it is an interesting question Rod posed, might we not be as helpless to our addictions as has been made out? Our willingness to fully appreciate and understand why we are doing what we do might be an important first step to stopping the ill behaviour.

I’ve found because I’ve been ashamed of my destructive behaviour of, like James said, creating more pain to hide the pain that I have tried to hide with all my destructive behaviour and bury it beneath even more destructive behaviour!

To be offered the opportunity, like you say Stephen, to ‘fully appreciate and understand why we are doing what we do ‘by talking with a Universal Medicine practitioner who doesn’t judge me but sees me for the amazing person that I am’, has definitely been such a fundamentally important first step in my being able to see why I do what I do and how I can bring a different way of living to usurp those destructive ways so that I choose to no longer let them rule me.

“I’ve found because I’ve been ashamed of my destructive behaviour of, like James said, creating more pain to hide the pain that I have tried to hide with all my destructive behaviour and bury it beneath even more destructive behaviour!” – I know, I have done the same Karin and it’s great to be able to talk to someone who “doesn’t judge me but sees me for the amazing person that I am”. This is my experience of having sessions with Universal Medicine Practitioners.

I agree Natalie and Karin, it is amazing being able to talk to people openly about anything and feeling no judgement from them.

Shevon Simon says:January 29, 2015 at 8:52 am

Ladies I agree. It is so healing to be listened to without judgement and often in the talking the understanding starts to unravel and be seen.

Esther Auf der Maur says:February 22, 2015 at 5:20 pm

Natalie, I agree, that is so amazing; having any sort of Esoteric Healing session with a qualified practitioner where I never feel judged for any of the destructive behaviours. That is an invaluable support to actually turning things around and being able to understand at a deeper level what is going on, and to start healing the pain underneath.

Kelly Zarb says:August 27, 2015 at 8:09 am

Yes Natalie & Karin I always feel held with love and support whenever I have attended a session with a Universal Medicine Practitioner. It always opens up a deeper understanding and awareness of my own patterns and behaviours which I may not have seen.

James Nicholson says:June 11, 2015 at 1:44 pm

So true Stephen, “We can be our own worst judge and critic at many times”. Being supported by people “without judgement” is quite phenomenal and a real game changer for me. I would always feel incredibly guilty and self- judgmental yet all I would get when I would see a Universal Medicine trained practitioner was love. Quite amazing really how we are our own worst enemies!

Yes Stephen, it would be hard to find one human being who is free of any addictive behaviour be it food, watching TV, exercising, shopping, gambling, computer games, shopping and the list goes on. One can be quick to judge one behaviour against the other as not being as bad but all in all its the same things all that is happening is different vices are being used.

I agree, appreciation is a big factor. The problem is when we get caught up in something it is often hard to see the light for the trees, it is as if we can become so entangled in it we lose all sense of reality. And then judge and condemn ourselves instead of simply returning to the love we are. We are not designed to be perfect and the more we see each moment and what is before as an opportunity to learn the less we will turn to outside sources to fill us up.

What a great question to raise and explore Rod – “Could the healing of addictions be so fundamentally simple?”. Considering the current way of addressing addictions and unwanted behaviour often at best only produces temporary results, and for many requires a constant trying or pressure to resist the original behaviour, it certainly is an avenue that at minimum, deserves further conversation.

Well said Angela, this is a whole new approach to dealing with addictions – realising the behaviour is not who we are. Therefore it can be changed if we get the loving support to find out what is underneath, while at the same time learning how to love ourselves without any judgement.

I agree Angela and Esther, it is a fundamental change and shift in the way we need to look at addressing and dealing with both our own addictions and those of others. Then there is no regret and the temptation to re-create the situation is massively weakened. It is also not then substituted with something else as is so easy to do.

Yes, I definitely agree that how we treat addictions has to change, it is so disempowering to be told you will always be an addict, for that is so untrue with any addiction, it is always linked to our willingness to heal and discard our experiences of hurt. If we get the right support and have the willingness then there is no addiction we cannot let go of.

The constant trying to not do something I find either leads me to do something different for the same effect or means I say well I am going to do it at some point so might as well do it now. It negates the real reason why we want or wanted to do it in the 1st place. The moment we see and heal this then the urge goes.

Now there is a question very worth asking Rod. And I feel you may be on to something as opening up to love has so many beautiful and life changing opportunities. I feel sure the list is endless on what this way of being brings to us as individuals and to all we meet.

James this is a wonderful exposing of the power of our addictions – they do own us and push and shove us through life making everything complicated and dramatic – feeding back the need for the addiction again and again.

I thoroughly enjoy your writing and the fact that your love for you has brought back amazing clarity and grace.

Yes – the clarity I now have has come about by building more love for myself rather than trying to conquer or get over any of the drugs, alcohol, or gambling, etc. so instead of fighting them, and seeing them as ‘bad’ things, naturally when I have become more loving with and for myself – they lose their pull or desire and so are no longer a part of my life.

Hi James. This is powerful stuff. I have seen the hold gambling can have on people first hand having worked in a casino for almost two years. The addiction does own you. Patrons urinating in the poker machines was a common occurrence, simply because they didn’t want to leave there machines. The gambling was being used to override our most basic bodily functions – we were always waking people up too. It makes sense that caring for your self, supports you through this.

Hi Abby, that is extreme behaviour but I know what lengths I went to and people go to simply to not feel what is going on for them. We make our issues into such big deals, we try to hide them and become ashamed of them – we lose all sense of focus and then as you have shown anything is possible, however ridiculous it may seem to someone observing.

Absolutely James. All these behaviours detach us from feeling the simple reality of the lives we have created for ourselves.

Tamara Flanagan says:December 15, 2015 at 7:35 am

‘We make our issues into such big deals, we try to hide them and become ashamed of them – we lose all sense of focus……..’ What an enormously effective TRAP!
Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

jeanette says:July 14, 2015 at 7:07 am

This is a really potent description of being owned Abby.

I read recently of several people who’s addiction to video games rendered them unable to leave the games they were playing and due to trying to get to the next level, played to their deaths. These are a very extreme example of addiction,losing a sense ourselves and life, of “being owned”.
What James has shown here is that with the power of making choices that built more love and respect for himself, letting go the feelings of shame and looking at the root cause of his need, it is so entirely possible to no longer be held or owned in such a way.

Hi James, I love how you explained that with building the love for yourself the destructive behaviour patterns, whatever they may be, can naturally lessen and eventually fall away, loosing their grip on us.

Just the other day I was discussing with a friend how we start to use a behaviour – which can be anything from taking drugs to gambling to over eating – to not feel a pain. Then we start to believe that the behaviour is actually the issue (and it does become an issue), but all the while covering up the root issue we haven’t dealt with. We could spend decades feeling bad about ourselves, feeling that these addictions are who we are when in reality they are just coping mechanisms that start to look like they are our issues, while they are actually a smokescreen for the real issue – the lack of love we are feeling and allowing.

Exactly what Rod said, how awesome it is that you were able to let go of these addictions, simply by building the love for yourself. Thank you for sharing James.

Thank you Esther, I fully agree how easy it is to give time and focus to the ‘symptoms’ or ‘outward issues’ then have a mini-battle with them, eventually overcoming or suppressing them but not actually addressing the cause of why they came up in the first place. And then as I have done move my focus and attention onto something else, without changing the energy, the root cause. It’s like saying “I will do anything to avoid feeling the pain/hurt of not being love.”

Yes, absolutely, and that “anything to avoid feeling the pain/hurt of not being love” comes at our own expense… Another step away from the love we desperately long for…
However James, you have shared how simple it is to lovingly take the steps back to the great love you left behind…

What is amazing to feel Kylie and stop to appreciate is that no matter how many steps I have taken away from love, love has always been there and never gone, so much so that when I then take a step towards love it takes 2 steps towards me – now that’s extremely loving!

Yes James, love is there patiently waiting and I too have experienced that every step I take towards love, it takes two steps towards me. A good way of describing what is a very deeply touching experience as one feels held in the grace of love so intimate yet universal.

Monica Gillooly says:September 26, 2014 at 4:39 am

Great sharing. So many addictions and behaviours come from a reaction to life and not wanting to feel and deal with it. You’ve expressed this so clearly here thank you Esther.

Great point Monica, ‘So many addictions and behaviours come from a reaction to life and not wanting to feel and deal with it’. It is so easy to let things build up in our bodies that we then find ourselves overwhelmed and not being able to cope so then turn to any form of distraction to take us away from what we are feeling. Something I have found really helps is to express what I am feeling and how I am feeling as much as possible even if it is just to myself. It then allows me to process and understand what is going on and then I do not take it on and am not left with lingering thoughts about it and so find myself reacting a lot less to situations.

Yes, Esther and James, these are also my observations and experiences: there is creating more pain to not feel the pain and that behavior becomes the issue and the focus instead of the underlying cause. In making selfloving choices and building a foundation of love in yourself there comes a point where you don’t want to let this clarity and lovely feelings inside by choosing numbing behavior of any kind.

I agree Monika, there comes a point where the feeling of love and contentedness out weighs any possible momentary excitement or stimulation that something like gambling brings, it is not worth making the body suffer or putting it under any undue stress as it has big knock on effects.

Esther this is a really important point. So often the addiction becomes the focus, and yet isn’t this another attempt at avoiding the truth, just as the addiction is used for in the first place. And it doesn’t really matter what the addiction is, how it looks, how extreme or not so extreme it appears to be, for it all comes back to missing who we are. This strips away all the judgement on whatever addictions we may have ever used to avoid feeling how much we are missing real love and how we all deep down know that we are living far less than we are.

I fully agree Vicky, ‘it all comes back to missing who we are’. We constantly seek things outside of ourselves to fill this void we feel, we get so used to doing this and filling ourselves up with other things that the love we all innately are gets pushed to one-side into a small bundle that we can’t see it anymore and so forget about it. It is still there though and the more we come back to it and appreciate we already are and started with love the more we see it and get to know it as who we are. At first everything we have invested in to not be love comes up and can seem monumental but slowly as the layers we have brought in are released love is given back the freedom in our bodies and we see that it never left us we just choose to bury it. The great thing is we can now bring up the next generation with this knowing that they are already love and so they do not need to let it go and thus grow up be imprisoned by their ill choices as so many of us have been and are. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

This is so true. I’ve noticed this with spending money on clothes/beauty products as a distraction. There’s never enough. I love your description Christoph “same stale, grey flavour as gambling itself. Like day-old cigarette smoke”.

It is fascinating Natalie, our relationship with money. I have always found it hard to spend money on myself like going out and buying clothes that I really like and that feel great on me. But the more I value and appreciate myself the more I buy clothes which really support and honour me rather than always looking at the price tags. We are also constantly changing and evolving so every now and again we do need to have a good clear out and get some new clothes, plus wearing old tatty clothes is not something that you can generally feel great about yourself in.

No matter what it is, it draws you back. Money/gambling/smoking/drugs/chocolate/corn chips/nuts-whatever your addiction is, if it has a hold on you, you will always want more. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and you are so inspiring.

I agree Sarah you always want more, more to try and satisfy your senses! I know for me it was only when I started to feel really content with myself and not needing anything or any stimulation from outside of me saying I am ok did the impulse or urge to gamble drop, the same was there for alcohol and before that marijuana. What is interesting is for me, apart from the stimulation I would get from gambling, there was always a sense of connection and community with others – even though it was based around winning money, because of the loneliness I felt at the time it seemed better than having to feel that and how I was living!

I really like this revelation too. It’s amazing to consider. Most would say that ££ is ££. It’s just numbers, paper, coins, whatever. But that is so not the case. The feeling that comes with it (or the flavour) is so powerful. A different example – but the same. I have always liked nice clothes. When I was a teenager, my Mum used to pay for them. When I got my first proper job, I saved up my money. I then spent it on a new suit. It was a fine suit. It was mint. I looked ace in it. And boy oh boy did it feel good. Because I had earnt it. The money had come from my commitment and effort and dedication and I could feel that each time I put it on. £££ is not just £££.

Great example Otto – there is a huge difference between buying something when you have put time and effort into earning the money to pay for it over winning the money for it or being given it. Not only can you feel the difference, I have also found, personally, I look after it more, instead of it simply being just another thing….

The saying ‘easy come, easy go’ comes to mind when I read Otto and James’ responses above. I know I value money more when I have worked hard for it, and will be more careful and thoughtful about how I spend it.

This has actually made me stop guys, thank you. I too know how much I value the money I earn, however , as I read this I can feel that I have not valued the money others close to me have earned, feeling that I have a right to spend it how I like, yet feeling guilty or justified when I do. Thank you something here to ponder deeply on and to begin to see this in a different, more loving and appreciative light.

Judith says:July 15, 2015 at 3:53 am

This is a great conversation Otto and James! And I agree money comes laced with so many things, guilt, shame, arrogance, supremacy, victimhood… the list can go on. But what really comes across from you guys is how much you appreciate money, this is very inspiring!

Thank you Judith, it is amazing what money can do for people both in the ‘positive’ and the ‘negative’ sense. There is the saying that ‘money is the root of all evil’, but I would have to disagree and say it is the way we use, look outside of ourselves and abuse money that is the problem. We make it more important than ourselves and others and this is where the problem stems from. Appreciating what we can do with money is huge especially when we all work together and not try to out do or compete with each other.

I suppose money is essentially a form of energy, or can carry energy with it. So it makes sense that how it is earned or taken will affect how it feels to have it and what you do with it, and what is bought with it will take on the energy of the money. It’s great what is being discussed here by all.

Indeed Paul, money just like anything and everything else can carry an energy with it. The fascinating thing with money is that it is seen as the pinnacle of success yet when you look at those with more money then they know what to do with they are usually not that happy or satisfied with life. It holds us in a constant state of wanting more, more so we can buy a better life instead of stopping to feel that we have everything we could ever want already with us. Our richness is in our inner heart not in our bank accounts.

And the way to move forward is through movement. Establishing a rhythm and foundation of love in every movement means there is no entry for the self destructive thoughts to precipitate into the body. Give into ones thoughts and move without love and then quite literally anything is possible and the same goes for moving with love too – yet this one most of us have not fully tried out!!

Thanks James for this beautifully expressed blog. I love how you have made it clear that the gambling itself was not the problem and how you were creating more pain not to feel the pain. This pattern where we do ‘painful’ things to numb ourselves is so clear, right down to ‘self-harming,’ as in ‘cutting’ – a condition that has come to light and been openly discussed in recent years. At first it was inexplicable to me that anyone could actually cut their own skin knowingly – but when the pattern was explained i.e. that it is creating physical pain so as to not feel the emotional pain it made perfect sense… and in fact we all create pain not to feel pain even if we are going into something that might seem ‘less harmful’ like taking something personally or creating/perpetuating a drama. We have all done it and are not done with it yet! As you say there is no perfection but our awareness of what is happening is pure gold. Thanks for this brilliant sharing James.

Thank you Lyndy for expanding on and highlighting how the gambling was not the problem, it was just the end result to alleviate the tension I was feeling. We are so quick to try to remedy the outward symptom, we then often miss the actual underlying cause and so the symptom or behaviour then just changes to something else which may look different but is still just alleviating the pain/tension, it all comes down to how can I best get this body to function. So many ‘healing’ modalities are based on the model of removing the symptom – It is where Universal Medicine differs in that it actively goes back to address why we are not being our naturally loving selves and does not settle for us being any less – it then up to us whether or not we choose the love on offer, the love we come from, with no judgement, or if we choose to hold onto our hurts.

Yes James Universal Medicine addresses the root cause of any “problem” within us, by showing us that our many ailments and addictions are but the result of our choices. We learn to feel and discern and it is up to us to take the responsible path. This awareness that we come to, some sooner than others, is one of the most valuable thing I have ever learned.

Hi Lyndy, I love how you took this further, explaining that the unwanted behaviour, whatever it may be, from gambling to self-harming and cutting to taking drugs and so on, is actually not the real issue – it’s a symptom of a pain we have chosen not to feel and not to deal with. Numbing ourselves to the pain can take many forms, but the root cause, the pain we don’t want to feel could be very similar.

Spot on, ‘Numbing ourselves to the pain can take many forms, but the root cause, the pain we don’t want to feel could be very similar.’ We can focus on the out play of events but that does not really change anything just our outward expression. We can say no I am not going to do that but then do something else, whereas when we start with love then we use love as our basis and foundation and so can see any choice away from love as what we need to look at and not simply focus on our way off choices.

Thanks Phil – it is great being able to share some of my experiences and lessons I have learnt, since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine courses, that have held me back most of my life from being and expressing all of who I am.

Ahhh James this is brilliant! Thank you sharing. After years of curiosity and dipping my toe in and peeping my head round the corner re what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are about I can totally relate to what you have said here. Although gambling was not my thing there have been other destructive behaviour patterns I have employed particularly focusing on doing what is right and good as a way to avoid my inner pain and sadness. Through the consistent Love and non judgemental support of Universal Medicine practitioners particularly Sara Williams I am coming to see that this behaviour is hurting me more than anything else. What is amazing though is that I have not come to that understanding as you say by anyone telling me or instructing me, it is just through their unwavering Love and acceptance of me as I am with no expectation that I have been able to accept myself and see where I am at and what I am doing. This is a priceless gift for us all in having Serge Benhayon, these practitioners and your healing available. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Shevon, I love how you said ‘it is just through their unwavering Love and acceptance of me’ that you have been able to ‘accept myself and see where I am at and what I am doing’, it throws out all of the trying to help others, trying to say or do the ‘right’ things for others and shows that by being our naturally loving selves the rest is all taken care of, with those around us, potentially being inspired to be more loving.

Hi James thank you for expressing so clearly what gambling is truly about. It will support many who are caught in the cycle of gambling and don’t know how to stop. Gambling is accepted in our society but it is no different to alcohol or drugs. I love how you have expressed “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” When we are out of rhythm we turn to something familiar to counter what we are feeling, rather than stopping and listening to our hearts.

It occurred to me that you could replace ‘Gambling’ in that sentence with any number of other addictions and lifestyle patterns as a means to stop feeling what was really going on. Beautiful to hear how addressing that tension inside stops the addiction – from the inside out.

Simon you sure can. We focus on the addiction, champion our ability to conquer it but do not address what led to us seeking the addiction in the 1st place and so we either fail and take it up again or take something else up in its place.

Thank you for sharing this James, I love how you expose gambling being the end result and not the problem. I can relate in my way to what I often see as the problem I have to overcome, rather than the end result of the rhythm I’m living. Very inspiring.

An amazing sharing James, gambling is definitely an addiction and one that many fall for or turn to, gambling itself needs to be stopped as this is an illness and is not ever a loving choice or activity. This artilce really shows us how we are able to truly overcome any form of addiction as long as we are willing to be honest about them, a moment of appreciation of you and your choices.

Thank you James it is beautiful to hear you say ‘By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.’ So often we focus on the unwanted behaviours and everyone battles to overcome them rather than being honest about what is really going on and having the courage to go deeper and address the hurts as you have done, so that you have no need to distract yourself. So inspirational and a reflection for how others could address their unwanted patterns of behaviour that are so damaging to relationships and society as a whole.

Helen I fully agree – whilst it may seem daunting at the time to look at and address harmful behaviours it is definitely worth it – there are now many Universal Medicine trained practitioners, members of the Esoteric Practitioners Association, that hold the same integrity and can support others too. It is also knowing that it is ok to ask for help and support and there is nothing to be ashamed of – otherwise we bury and try to hide what we are doing and everyone suffers as they do not get the fullness of the love that we innately are.

That feels like a key point for me. Knowing the truth that if I don’t address my stuff, all others suffer, because they don’t get the fullness of me. Thank you for expressing AND dealing with your stuff, that is very inspirational.

Wow how many of us in our time have created more pain to not feel the pain!? I know I certainly have. There are thousands of distractions out there to take us away from not dealing with the root cause of a problem, which on the surface can seem fine but over the time we are not dealing with it, it festers and rots. We can chose to go deeper and deeper into the distraction causing more and more problems or we can like you deal with it and move on with clarity and grace. Thank you for your sharing.

Thank you – I agree, what’s interesting is that when we go deeper into the distractions to not feel the pain, we then feel the pain of the distraction and try to fix that, and so make that the issue which it isn’t and further ignore the real pain underneath it.

This is so true, then the fixation on the pain we have created can consume us. In my own experience the lie that I am not good enough was my hiding the simple fact that I didn’t love myself. Yet as I began my journey of healing the not good enough was so ingrained that I focused on this for quite some time before I realised that by focusing on it, I was not in any way loving myself. Instead I was in constant tension, simply because I had not looked underneath the lie to feel the root cause of it. So very powerful to connect to my love and truly live the process of loving me. In so doing the not good enough has lesser and lesser hold on me.

Thanks James for such an honest article. I find it very inspiring where you wrote “Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.” Beautiful, this is also what I am learning to do.

Hi Rebecca, a great point to highlight – I always thought being polite and going along with what other people were saying was the best thing to do, it was a way I learnt to get through life. The problem was it meant that somewhere I would have to let all these bottled up feelings out – and it was usually my parents who would cop it as it was in the so called privacy of the home, so I could get away with it – horrible to reflect on now how by holding myself back with others I was then more abusive with my family.

Hi James, thank you for your honesty in sharing this blog. With building a strong foundation of love you know that whatever life brings your way you will always have the strength to deal with it. And when you do have your little dips of ‘stuff’, because that foundation is there, you can rise out of the dip much quicker.

This is a very powerful expose of addictive behaviour, James. I really love how you so clearly identify that it is not the behaviour itself which is the issue, but that it is simply covering up the pain as a way to deal with it and hide the truth of what is actually going on. Once that is at the very least acknowledged, so much more can begin to open if it is chosen.

Hi Naren,
It takes a lot of honesty to allow the truth about what is going on to come up, largely because of the amount of force I/we have used in the past to bury our hurts. This is where Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine trained practitioners have been extremely helpful in supporting my returning back to the love I am. It is far simpler now when I first feel hurt or something is not quite right to be honest and express it, at least to myself, so I see it for what it is, not take it on and not bury it!

I agree James and a large part of that allowing myself to ‘admit’ to the truth is knowing that there will be no judgement or criticism ensuing…just an acknowledgement that there is a chance to move on and make different choices

I have found the same Kathie, it has often been other people’s judgements or criticisms to what I have said in the past that has stopped me from expressing the truth. To feel the love that I am held in by Serge Benhayon has allowed me to begin to trust humanity and people again. It is not that anyone would naturally want to judge, criticise or bring me down rather they are simply avoiding dealing with their hurts, just like I know I have done!

Indeed Gayle, and it is a very simple and practical place to start from. We don’t have to have the answer or know exactly the route we are taking before we begin either as that is something which has stopped me in the past!

Wow James, what a deeply honest and awesome blog. It’s so cool that you could feel that gambling was the end result, and when you address the past of your life that where out of rhythm, the gambling addressed itself. Very inspiring, thank you.

It is awesome Rebecca – when I would look at the gambling, or any ill destructive behaviour, I would then punish myself and beat myself for doing something harming, which is harming in itself! Then I would end up no better just more angry and frustrated with things. So by addressing the root ills and fundamentally building more love in my body, naturally there has been no pull back to the extreme destructive behaviours of the past. I am in the process of refining and letting go of other ones (not quite as extreme ones!), seeing that no longer are they part of my life.

James, reading this amazes me. The thing that pops out the most is the fact that we as humans are so good at hiding what actually goes on from others. Whether that be what we are truly feeling, or what we are saying, doing, eating, smoking, etc in private, behind closed doors. I feel like I know you pretty well, yet I never knew this about you and what you have gone through. We are all pretty good at putting on a brave face or acting what we think should be played out – I know this all too well. That you honestly and openly share this now is testament to you and the love you continue to choose for yourself in each moment.

Hi Jenny, Yes we are so good at hiding things from others, what we are truly feeling and what is really going on for us. We are so good at putting on a mask showing to the world that we are ok, we are doing well, even when we may be struggling!
Admittedly, this all happened before I knew you – what is great about it is I no longer carry it with me. I do not identify with being an ex-gambler in any way, it is something I did to not feel my hurts. So when I dealt with those and built more love in my body, there was no need, pull or desire to gamble. Whereas most ex-alcoholics, gamblers etc.. especially if they have been to AA or such like will carry it with them, and it stunts their development because of the guilt they are carrying and the fact that they have not moved on from it in realising why they had the problem/issue in the first place.

That’s such a great point James about not identifying ourselves with our past behaviours. Your story reminded me how it is possible to take full responsibility for a behaviour we want to change but also not be weighed down or back by it through guilt or identifying it as a part of us.

I agree Fiona I have found what really helps is to “not be weighed down or back by it through guilt or identifying it as a part of us”. As soon as we bring a guilt or a shame to it, it makes it seem so bigger than us and thus to big to deal with. It also means it stops us from talking about it or seeking help for it.

Amazing to read and understand that gambling is no different to any other activity, distraction or addictive behaviour we may turn to, to not feel our hurts and tension inside, but yet in society can carry a stigma. Thank you James, your openness and honesty on this subject is inspiring.

I agree Julie, “Gambling is no different to any other activity, distraction or addictive behavior we may turn to, to not feel our hurts and tension inside”. I was just thinking the other day that for me another addiction has is to react to a situation rather than just seeing it for what it is. Because when I react it makes it all about me, and I personalize it and can make it into a drama. I am now learning to look at situations and ask myself “Where did that come from?”.

I agree Julie this is the answer to Gambling addiction and addiction in general. This would serve humanity truly not like all the AA, NA & GA where it leaves you laced with an energy that sets you up to fail. There is no honouring or love in that.

I read this blog when it first came out, even before comments had been made. But it was one of those topics that was painful for me, not because I have ever gambled (although I have bought a lottery ticket a time or two) BUT because I am in a family that suffers from others addiction to gambling. Reading it today, James, I can feel all the light you bring to the subject without going into my own suffering. And the Comments are gold. There is as much wisdom in the comments as there is in the article. I can’t help but wonder if an article (and the comments) such as these could be shared with addition groups. Your experience and the re-telling of it here covers a lot of ground – from the understanding that the addiction is the cover up act all the way to the end result of not even considering yourself an ex-gambler because you are not carrying it. Well done James….and so well told. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing Gayle and I agree the comments are gold. Gambling is one of those topics that gets swept up the carpet, I know for me I carried shame and guilt over it around with me, so would keep it a hidden vice.

“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” What a true statement, James. The addiction is never the problem, it is but the symptom for something deeper that is the cause.

Thank you Shevon, before Universal Medicine I would have hidden what was going on as I felt a lot of shame and guilt around it but now I see it for what it truly was, a distraction to temporarily stop me feeling what was really going on, it is easy to express it now as it no longer has the hold it once had over me.

Gambling is accepted in society as being ok, thousands of people gamble everyday in the lottery, backing horses, roulette, fruit machines, in the pursuit and hope that the money will change their lives. Thank you James for exposing the insidiousness that lies behind gambling, and that whatever you won didn’t help you in any way because it came laced with an energy that said, “I own what I do with you”.

Alison. So true in what you express about gambling on an everyday basis. There was a report on the radio today…
Betting shops have more business in towns where people do not have a lot to live on, yet those betting shops are busy all day, obviously with people trying to buy their way out of debt.

I agree Mike and Alison – gambling is becoming rampant amongst people. I keep seeing betting shops open on the high street and they would not be opening if there was not the demand for them. It is staggering Mike how people often gamble with what they cannot afford to lose all in the attempt to have the big win – when in reality that will never come. I have watched people bet the same amount continuously for hours expecting a different outcome, yet it is all stacked against you, but something allows them to ‘think’ it may be different it may be their day today. What is sad is the knock on effect gambling has on peoples families especially when the weekly or monthly food budget is blown at the bookies – thankfully I have not had to experience this but have heard many stories.

Thinking that winning money is going to change our lives and to make it better, as if by magic, is a huge illusion and it is rampant in society. In fact nothing changes because the energy we live in/with is still the same.

Thank you James for such an honest account of gambling and any addictions, as simply destructive behaviours to oneself to avoid feeling the pain inside and one’s hurts.
Having seen you go through all this, how it had you trapped and the harming effect on yourself, it is really beautiful to feel the truth in you now, and strength from this healing with the help and support of Universal Medicine in our lives. Simply amazing.

Thank you – it was an extremely difficult time, in large because I did not choose to take responsibility for my life. The more I have allowed love into my life, the more I have embraced a sense of responsibility and purpose.

Thank you, James, for blowing the lid off of what is really behind the compulsion to gamble. I, too, have close family members who have engaged in this very destructive habit and have been mystified by what could possibly be behind it. Your words will enable me to approach this sensitive subject with a great deal more understanding and compassion.

Thats great to hear Coleen that it has given you more understanding – gambling itself makes no sense to someone looking in from the outside, why would people risk everything for no real gain? People squander life savings, etc. all as a distraction to not feel what is going on for them. The buzz people get from it hooks them in – it is a little like the highs and lows of bi-polar with the highs being so extreme the lows can be written off and forgotten about. It is amazing how we can justify things in our minds!

It is what I love about what Universal Medicine presents, the not trying to rid yourself of an ill or fix an ill-behaviour, but rather to build more loving choices into your day, very practical choices like this one that I love to do – using a warm facecloth on my face at night where my whole body goes ‘ahhh that’s yummy’. Building these type of choices to love your body enables you to live more lovingly and the ill-choices become less and less. Amazingly simple!

Love this Vanessa – “building these types of choices to love your body enables you to live more lovingly and the ill choices become less and less”. There’s an example that I have experienced of this, when I walk in the mornings consistently, and build my rhythm with this, then I find I am less and less likely to over-eat during the day or at dinner. In contrast, if I don’t do exercise because I’m ‘tired’ or ‘busy’, then I find I crave to eat more and more!

Thanks James I learnt a lot from your blog. Through Universal medicine and students like you I am less likely to judge what I don’t fully understand. I worked at a race course for a number of years and was put off gambling, I realised it was exciting but losing the cash, just wasn’t worth it.

Thats great Kevin, I too find it very easy to judge others when I dont fully allow myself to understand why they are doing something or being a certain way. I agree with you about the blogs from the Universal Medicine student body as each one gives me a deeper understanding of others.

Hi James. Wow, the James that I know and love now is a far cry from the gambling James you have described. Your wisdom is expressed here beautifully, and the clarity you bring to the subject will inspire anyone with the same addiction who comes across your blog. A great contribution to humanity. Thank you.

…’the James that I know and love now is a far cry from the gambling James you have described’ – I agree Rebecca; what an incredible and inspiring transformation to go from heavy gambling to living joyfully – amazing James.

Lovely blog James – I really feel how far you have come back to yourself 🙂 I can relate a lot to what you are saying regarding punishing yourself with more pain to distract yourself from the initial pain… I have witnessed this in action and it’s not pretty! You put it so simply and so true – how all you did was focus on building a foundation of love to slowly let the emotions go. It really is that simple… too simple for our minds to accept sometimes!

I know Rachael it is too simple at times for the mind to accept, grasp and understand. We think things have to be tough and hard when love is far from that. We think we deserve to punish ourselves but again love does not judge so how can it condemn or punish?

Hi James, thank you for sharing with us the key to healing addictive behaviour – being willing to be honest about what causes the unbearable tension inside us in the first place, that makes us want to take ourselves out. Understanding and coming into relationship with the emotions that create the pain can make all the difference.

Hi Janet,
Yes as you say it is important to be ‘willing to be honest about what causes the unbearable tension inside us in the first place’ before trying to heal / fix the addictive behaviour otherwise it is just like using a band aid temporarily stopping the pain only for it to come back. By addressing the cause it means there is then no need for the band aid.

Thanks James for giving such insight into addictive behaviour. What you describe here could be applied to any addiction, that it is simply a way to numb and distract from a deeper uneasiness or pain that we don’t want to feel. Love what you said that the only way out of this is to be honest with ourselves about the pain that is there and to express it openly, which debases the need for the addiction.

It is very inspiring and encouraging to hear James that those down times are no longer able to keep you down for too long. It’s beautiful that you have developed a measure of love in your body that you can come back to instead.

Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly James. What you have written is inspiring and as many have commented, you could replace the word ‘gambling’ with any other harmful behavior or addiction. As you say, its not the gambling, which is a symptom, but the root cause that needs to be healed.

Thank you Debra – yes I agree the word here ‘gambling’ can be replaced by any other addictive behaviour. For me looking at it in this light was extremely revelatory because it takes all the pressure off trying to stop my gambling addiction and instead focus on building a more deeply loving rhythm with myself, then the pull for gambling did not exist, so there was no need to focus on stopping it.

Debra when reading James’s blog I realised that my particular addiction is reading. I have always retreated from the world by reaching for a book. It is a harmful behaviour in the sense that I disconnect from others. I read to escape the pain of not belonging. But reading these blogs open up a world of possibilities, one of expansiveness rather than contraction. A big thank you to all of you bloggers.

I love that Patricia, how reading for you has been a way to disconnect and escape from the world yet reading this and other blogs has been a way of opening up possibilities and questioning the way you have been living. Seeing areas where you can bring more love to. It goes to show that what we read and why we read things is important because it can either connect or disconnect us from both ourselves and the world. I love being inspired by the many changes people have made as a result of Universal Medicine and picking up lots of different tips and view points is especially helpful.

James awesome blog. I love how simply you explain it. Really when we don’t truly express what we feel and be honest with ourselves we find distractions to numb us from feeling pain which really does cause more pain; I know this – and anything I undertake with that energy never satisfies me – it’s why I can never eat enough, watch enough TV or buy enough; And really it’s a way to not feel what I felt and the silly thing is that would be so much easier. And yes as we become more loving these things fall away.

I love how you have further explained it Monica – nothing we do to distract us is ever enough, at least for me it is and was never enough – with my actions and behaviours getting more and more extreme.

Yes Monica, I agree, it is so important to express ourselves with love, rather than stay on the roller coaster of numbing ourselves to not feel the original pain, and thereby creating more pain so we don’t feel the original pain!

This is so true Monica and James. The avoiding with the numbing etc is in fact as you say James causing more pain. I have found that when I choose to over eat or have something sweet to not feel sadness etc, that the next day when my body has finally worked very hard and copped the consequences for my choices- that the sadness etc is still there to be dealt with. But then on top of that I have the fluctuation of emotions or the low feeling after the indulgence with those foods that I have used to take me out. So really there is no point to it all- except to keep myself in the misery. It is definitely best to deal with our hurts and just let ourselves feel so it can heal and pass and be learnt from.

What a simple formula for anyone going through similar drug, alcohol or any addiction for that matter, James. By not demonizing ourselves for our addiction, or even identifying with it as is done so much in organizations like AA, we can get to the underlying reason as you have shown here. I love how you exposed how we can hide pain with more pain, and how ridiculous this cycle is.

Thank you Michael, I agree with you how it is a ridiculous cycle which is all too easy to find ourselves caught up in. Organisations like the AA whilst appearing outwardly to be helping people are actually further condemning them by getting them to fully identify with the behaviour.

A very honest blog James. It shows how we are all gambling with our health and our relationships when we try to bury and hide our pain with a different pain, so that this burying becomes an addiction in itself.

The burying does become the addiction, well said Mary, as soon as the pain starts to surface immediately we know how to stop it and suppress it. However, when we build a foundation of love when it rises up we have love to turn to to support us to look at and address it rather than see it as an unbearable force that will overwhelm us if we choose to see it.

Gambling is an addiction that we can all become wrapped up in, whether it be our health, work, a loving relationship, and a whole host of other things in life. At times I feel we really do need to step back, and take stock of our situations, or we could be gambling away everything in life that is so dear to us all – Love for one another.

Powerfully said Mike – indeed there are moments everyday when we can take stock and see the way we are living – it is so easy to get caught up in life and situations and as you say “gamble away everything in life that is so dear to us all – Love for one another.”

Truly inspiring to read the process you went through to beat your addiction, James. There’s a clear path to personal freedom here for anyone experiencing addictive behaviour of any sort. Understand what’s behind it, express yourself fully, build a strong foundation of love in your body and the way you live your life and, underpinning all this, don’t strive for perfection. That last one is vitally important, enabling us to avoid beating ourselves up whenever we ‘reoffend’ and instead to accept it as part of the learning process, rather than the beginning of the slippery slope.

I agree Cathy, it is soo easy to beat ourselves up when we ‘reoffend’. By giving ourselves the time and space to build love in our bodies, the pull becomes less and less, until its gone altogether. Along the way there may and inevitably will be moments when we slip and that is when depending on how much love we have built as our foundation to stand on, will depend how far we ‘reoffend’. There is then absolutely no I have not gambled, drank, smoked, or taken drugs for x number of days or months – rather it is simply not part of the way I live my life anymore, as I can now see when I look back is that it was not the loving me that made those disregarding ‘offending’ choices and so there is really no ‘re-offending’!

I am a firm believer that if we expose and speak about the issues that we find the trickiest to shift, they become so much smaller. What a huge shift for you to come from a place were it was so tough to stop gambling to processing all of that and then writing a brilliant blog that supports others to move forward and deal with what they feel holds them back. Beautifully written – Thank you for sharing and inspiring.

Thank you Samantha. I fully agree with you that if, “we speak about the issues we find the trickiest to shift, they become so much smaller.” It is like they can have a hold over you, especially if they are ones you may be ashamed of, and then they stay there lurking in the background. I have felt such a relief when I have finally expressed them and instead of being greeted with judgement by others, which I thought would happen, I have found quite the opposite, a huge amount of love and support.

“I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!”. What a great point James. It is what everyone is doing when self-harming. Somehow the pain of the self-harm is more tangible and manageable than the cause of the pain we are feeling in the first place. The result is, however, that gets ever further away from resolving the real issue and get caught in an ever deepening spiral of despair, unless you encounter such inspiration as you found in Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine Practitioners.

Well said Jonathan – it is so easy to get caught in the spiral of despair, moving further away from resolving the real issue, burying it so deeply effectively it does not show itself, you lose track of it.

So true James when dealing with addiction that we have a point where we say ‘no more’ only to return to the behaviour long or short term. It is not until we deal with the underlying cause of why we do it, that we are able to be free of the behaviour.

Well said Michelle, it is so easy to get caught up in the cycle of giving something up after realising it is not good and saying never again to then find myself doing it again. By taking the time to be honest with ourselves and seeing why we are actually acting in that way and seeking that behaviour can we start to truly heal. It is amazing to reflect back on how many of these ‘doors’ I have now closed and will never open again, I am far from perfect but far more me. I am now carrying far less hurts and open doors around with me than before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine.

Hear Hear James a huge thank you to Universal Medicine practitioners for showing me the way back to living a loving nurturing tender life. Like you my life is unrecognisable to how I used to live when I was busy burying how I felt with a pint and packet of crisps. Its so easy to live that way yet it is fraught with so many miserable endings. I feel truly blessed to have met Serge Benhayon.

Me too Vanessa, I feel truly blessed to have met Serge Benhayon and have been inspired by him along with all the Universal Medicine practitioners and Students. I do not even want to think what my life would be like had I not met Serge as it was spiraling out of control before.

“It was blatantly clear that I would get caught up in it and lose all sense of reality and then feel really crap afterwards”. When I read these words it reminded me how I have often felt watching television, I would feel glued or ‘hooked’ in to programs I didn’t really want to watch and then would feel really rubbish afterwards feeling I could have done something so much more valuable and worthwhile with the time I had just wasted.

I agree Vicky – it’s fascinating how we can do something to distract ourselves, even if we are not really enjoying it. I know I have often watched rubbish on the tv to distract me from doing the housework and then afterwards would get frustrated the house is in a mess, when I had more than enough time to sort it out!

Great blog James. I have seen the kind of grip and devastation that gambling can have on someone – it’s pure self-destruction. I particularly love the realisation you come to when you say “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” This is so inspiring and clearly shows how when we are not living in a way that truly supports us, we can so easily over-ride these feelings. Gambling is just one example of how we can bring more pain into our lives in the form of distraction and numbing. It’s so true when you point out the insidious energy attached to this also – one that will sneak in and get a firm grip and before you know it – you’re lost! It’s great to see how you’ve overcome this destructive pattern through the simplicity of choosing responsibility and bringing your focus back to you – choosing to nurture and cherish the tender and loving man that you are.

Thank you for sharing Heather, I just felt to re-affirm what you said: ‘when we are not living in a way that truly supports us, we can so easily over-ride these feelings’. I can use the analogy of cake, if I have a slice, it is then easy to have another and then suddenly I have eaten the whole cake. Whereas if I see the cake and allow myself to see it is not going to be supportive for my body then I will naturally choose not to have it, so long as the love I have built in my body and the way I have been living has not caused me to be exhausted and so I would not desire the stimulation from it, then the cake stays there uneaten and not even thought about!

It is like we say yes to one slice of cake but whether or not we want to admit it we say yes to the whole cake regardless of whether we actually choose to eat it. So we get the consequences of the whole cake even though we let ourselves think we were only saying yes to the slice.

In your quote: “gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling”, you could replace gambling with a whole host of different things, such as alcohol/drugs/overeating/watching hours of TV etc. What you have presented here is that all of these vices are not actually the problem, but to deal with them we have to look at the way we are living and why we are using them in that abusive way

Well said Jessica – it is easy to get caught up with thinking we are dealing with the issue by looking at the vice rather than looking at and addressing the way we are living which is causing us to turn to the vice.

Hi James, I can relate to what you are talking about as I am still playing the lottery and my excuse would be “But there is a big Rollover!!!” just to call it the occasional one and buy the “guilt free ticket”. So I still have some work to do on this…

Hi Alex, I love your honesty. I can totally relate to what you are saying but also know that the energy any money from gambling comes with is not great and so even if I did win ‘a big rollover’ would it really change my life – in the past all it would have done is enable me to be comfortable and lazy! I also know that my body goes into a state of anxiousness whenever I I would gamble or even take a risk on something – ‘will I…wont I…what if I do win…?!’ – I can then easily get lost and distracted with crazy thoughts.

Thank you James for your honesty, providing a great example we can learn from. We are so accustomed to targeting a behaviour and trying to change it, only to find we are repeating the same thing, or similar, further down the line. Great insight that you found what you wanted to change was actually the end result of how you were living your life, and when you made your whole life more loving, the behaviour started to shift as a natural course. This explains why we find it so hard to change our behaviours when we target them in isolation, and it makes a lot of sense.

Thank you Golnaz, it did take me a while to learn and I still catch myself trying to remedy the behaviour without going deeper and seeking out where the drive for it is coming from. It is easy to look at the obvious externalised behaviour, but more honesty is required to look at the cause, and this for me has been helped by living a more loving way of life as it has given me the foundation to stand on and address the disharmonious way I have been living.

I have seen what an addiction gambling has and the suffering it has on families. So many lives have been ruined because of it. The money spent on lottery tickets is vast. It works out one in so many million can win the big pot.

Mike that is so true. I often see people who have little money in the newsagents buying numerous lottery tickets. Its somehow factored into their spending above basics such as healthy food. I understand why as it perhaps could offer a quick “way out” but as I’ve also read in papers and heard from other people winning via gambling doesn’t change anything. Yet in many ways gambling is ingrained into our very culture of society – a great expose of the truth.

I agree Michelle – gambling totally “negates honesty and self-responsibility”. It offers people the hope to escape from the life they are living, rather than asking them to take responsibility for all their choices and make different ones!

My addiction was not gambling, but it was in other things. Having let go many of them I can say that addictions themselves are not the illness. It is the symptom of a deeper ill – loss of connection to what fulfils our lives – our innermost love, understanding and truth. There are hurts that we go through as we grow up and in a world that is seemingly random in its choice of who and how to hurt, the only thing that saves us is looking at our issues with love and understanding. It’s working for me and many others who are and are not working with Universal Medicine practitioners.

I see the tragedy of people living “out of rhythm with themselves” as I used to. It is great to see someone living in a way that you may not be, showing there is an alternative, not always easy yet possible, by expressing feelings and discovering who you really are. Your example shines through in your inspiring blog James.

Wow – incredible James. What’s amazing is that instead of trying to fix your ‘gambling problem’, you stepped back and assessed what was leading up to the feeling that you ‘needed’ to gamble, i.e your rhythm, lifestyle etc., as most people invest all of their effort into ‘solving’ the ‘problem’, but don’t want to look at what CAUSED it in the first place.

Perfectly summed up and well said Susie – I have found that the real healing takes place when I look ‘at what caused it in the first place’, instead of trying to fix or solve the problem which resulted from it.

A really honest and amazing blog James showing how important it is to really love, care and honour ourselves, and when we do that it is natural to express what we feel, as we no longer accept things that do not support the love we naturally are. Then almost as a by product anything else that does not support us being love has no place in our lives and naturally falls away.

Your blog is so honest James. The fact that you saw, “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself.” Can be such a support to others who have used gambling in the same way. What a great sharing with those who want to get out of this habit but are struggling to do so. Looking at what causes the impulse to gamble in the first place seems key.

Thank you Rachel, it is always great to hear how my experience can be a support to others. It is soo easy to get in trying to fix the problem that the underlying issues get left and ignored only to rear their head again at a later date.

James, thank you for your amazingly honest and powerful blog! I find it fascinating when you say, ” Even when I would walk out from the casino with 10s of thousands of pounds or dollars in cash, NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.” In other words the money was tainted in some way. Clearly this seems to be saying that winning large sums of money may not be the life-changing experience that one would expect. Perhaps this explains why some people feel that unexpected windfalls can also have unexpected and negative side effects. Rather than being a benefit, the winnings can perhaps become something of a burden or encumbrance, because it’s as you say ‘dirty money’ and not legitimately earned by the sweat of one’s brow. All that aside, by being more loving to yourself you simply made the casino visits history, and that is what is so wonderful.

I agree Jonathan it is awesome I made the casino visits history, and without even focusing on that as an end result! It is crazy to think that nothing I brought with the money ever helped support me in any way other than to indulge further such as buying really expensive wine or eating out etc..

For me the addiction has been to go off into my head, be it focused on a task in the future, a conversation or in one or more fantasy worlds. Even before righting this comment my head had exactly what it wanted to say ‘perfectly’ and kept justifying why it needed to be this way. All to cover up the fact that I can feel what my choices leave me with as feelings in my body and that my body will tell me so loud and clear in the moments I am not in my head. Because if my choices are leaving me feeling horrible why would I want to feel horrible – off to dream world in my head. However through Universal Medicine I have been shown that I can make choices that will result in not wanting to escape said choices, I can choose to have a quality I would like to be left with. Facing those ill choices is not pretty, but with persistence I have seen in others that it does pay off. This blog confirms to me that by working at the quality of my choices those vices to ignore my choices will not be required.

Thank you for sharing Leigh – I too have used and use going off into my world, into my own reality, as a way to escape and not deal with what is going on for me. Its so easy to go off in my head in tangents and loose focus with what I am doing in that moment. The more present I am with what I am doing, the easier I find it is to stay with myself and staying listening to what my body is telling me, instead of overriding it.

Wow Leigh – you’re completely correct – focusing on future tasks and always being mentally 3 steps ahead our ourselves can become an addiction. By living in the future, indeed we create a ‘fantasy world’, which is easy to become lost in.

Thank you James – this is a conversation that definitely needs to be started. Gambling is affecting more and more people – and we know deep down in society it doesn’t feel right, yet we still have a fully flourishing gambling industry as some people – despite knowing it doesn’t feel right – use the gambling facilities that we have. Your blog here starts an important conversation – about why deep down any of us would turn to gambling, and about the emptiness that gambling brings (as you say no amount of win or losing made any difference to how you felt inside).

I know as a child I longed for my dad to be there for me, which he was at times but most evenings he would work late providing for our family which was the most loving thing he knew to do for us. But I wanted him, not the money or the material things it enabled us to buy. My dad knows this now, and is happy for me to share it, as we have spoken about it on many times – initially I went to him with a reaction from the hurt and then with more of an understanding which is when he got where I was coming from as it was not an attack in any way against him.

‘I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to myself, let alone anyone else’. Many will recognize this I feel James because, this word, this feeling of shame keeps us imprisoned and stuck in the pattern of abuse, because if we tell or admit what is going on, somehow it will make things worse or we will be judged for our behavior and feel less… if shame was a physical thing, it would appears as chains around our feet; and the only way to break free is by ‘understanding what was going on for me’, thus choosing to commit to and getting the support to see what lies underneath and heal the issue or the hurt. It is a brilliant, clear and honest article James and so inspiring, thank you.

I LOVE your comment – 100% agree. I too have felt exactly what you have described – the self-prescribed shameful shackles that hold you back from expressing what is truly going on, and keep you “stuck in the pattern of abuse”. It’s like admitting the behaviour makes it something that you then have to deal with, instead of being able to continue it ‘in the background’, whilst it affects every conversation in constructing a way to hide and not come out with it. Well said

“Whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside” – so simple, yet I would imagine many people don’t do it! I know that because I have done this a lot in the past too, just keep my feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. inside me instead of letting it out, and I’ll tell you what – it never feels nice!

“Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy.” I can relate to this James. To say something out loud for others to hear is a great way to make that claim and to give voice to what we feel to be true. I find it a lovely way to confirm that initial feeling.

” I would justify it, and allow it to control me.” I have not had a problem with gambling but have used justification and defence to ‘support’ other areas of my life that in truth were not supportive at all.

Ive found the same Sue, it is the defense that I find rears its head so quickly when I am questioned or challenged that then means I try to bring the other person down instead of taking full responsibility for the choices I have made.

I too have found that expressing and being honest about what I feel is key in overcoming old patterns. I have often gone into cycles of depression in my life and used food to block and numb out what I’m feeling. However through developing an honest relationship with myself and with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I no longer live in a depressive state and have a lot of vitality and joy. I definitely agree James that developing that true connection with ourselves is a great remedy,

Your nomination that ‘gambling was never the problem’ feels like an amazing realisation and insight into the nature of this problem, and I think is an important lesson we can all learn from, whatever our ‘bad habits’ or guilty pleasures may be. I know too from my experience that when I have truly dealt with a problem like this in my life – and let it go for good – it has never been through a focus on the problem itself, but rather on my life as a whole, and the quality in which I was bringing to it: for, as you say, our problems are very often methods or coping mechanisms we use to help us deal with the greater pain and unease in our life as a whole. I, like many others, learnt this from Serge Benhayon, and from the way he lives his life.

‘ It didn’t really matter whether I won or lost – it was like I was trying to punish myself to distract me from the pain I was feeling. Crazy!! – think about it: I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ Yes how crazy are addictions, self destructive in every way. Connection with who we are and express ourselves in full is the only way to go to leave these patterns behind, our love inside is waiting till we come along and choose to connect.

I fully agree Annelies – ‘our love inside is waiting till we come along and choose to connect’. What is amazing and extremely loving to feel is that no matter how far I have strayed in my life, no matter how much abuse I have put myself through love has always been there simply waiting for me to re-connect to it without even a drop of judgement.

Beautiful, how you share that gambling was never the problem, so true. They are indeed the results of living a life out of rhythm, not having a relationship with yourself and not living all of you. I love how you share about your expression how you have worked on that. I also experience the importance of expression. If we don’t express and keep things inside, we turn to distractions in order to not feel the un-expressed.

So true Mariette, ‘If we don’t express and keep things inside, we turn to distractions in order to not feel the un-expressed’. It’s amazing what we can run with in our heads and even change events to suit what we are feeling, so much so when challenged we would swear by our new version of events even though they never actually happened.

Gosh yes, I can relate to that one well. When I don’t truly express what I am feeling then I can replay all types of scenarios in my head and change things to suit me so that I feel better, but what truly is most supportive is to express what was needed in the first place.

Yes, I agree Mariette, and lately I have been feeling the importance of expression too but also the responsibility of being fully present when expressing what is there to be expressed, however small, because EveryThing counts, every expression counts and has a ripple effect….
It’s like responsibilty helps me to see the bigger picture of cause and effect and how every thing comes back to you….

This is a brilliant example of how dealing with old hurts breaks habits. Rather than looking at the ‘habit’ or the outcome it is much more useful to be honest about where the issue is rooted. It is interesting that from my experience when I have let go of old hurts that I have been carrying around I have stopped behaviours that harm me with out a second glance, no denial or force, they have slipped, and dissolved away “By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.”

Its amazing how old habits and behaviours simply slip away the more loving I am with myself, as you said “when I have let go of old hurts that I have been carrying around I have stopped behaviours that harm me with out a second glance, no denial or force, they have slipped, and dissolved away”.

Truly appreciating the honesty of this blog James, thank-you. And that you have come to know so deeply that ‘gambling’ was never the root of the problem, it was being out of touch with yourself.
I have known gamblers who never can let go completely, and can honestly say that they never went ‘the yards’ in addressing what was going on within, as you have clearly done. A truly beautiful transformation, that leads the way for so very many.

Thank you Victoria – it feels great having fully let go of the desire and urge to gamble. I now like so many have commented have other areas in life where I see I am neglecting myself and so as i build the love in my body and in the way I am living these too drop away as well.

A powerful sharing of the power of self-love and coming back to the real you. How crazy is it that in our attempts to cover up or avoid the pain we are feeling, we create more pain. This insight provides such a different way to look at addictions of any sort and thus we see in your experience James a way to leave addiction behind.

Michelle, it is indeed crazy that we attempt to cover up our hurts and or pain and by doing so we create more pain. It is as if being truly open and honest about how we are feeling is too much of a jump for most people as it shatters the image we have built up that everything is fine, at least this was and is the case for me.

Thank you for depth of honesty in your blog James. It’s amazing what you have healed through the loving way you have brought into your life and by being honest with how you feel. Although not necessarily easy, there is a real simplicity in what you have shared, plus a gorgeous dedication to how you are choosing to live your life.

Thank you Jen, yes it is truly amazing what I have healed and how I have quite literally turned my life around simply by choosing love! Yes at times its not quite that simple as I allow and allowed thoughts and emotions to get in my way but beneath it all when we stop and allow the love we are to rise up nothing can get in our way, it can only slow us down, to re-turning back to the love we are.

Thank you James, for your honesty in this Blog. Incredible how deeply ingrained addictions can be, ingrained patterns of feeling a lack of self worth and depression can turn us easily back to the addiction of which we know how abusive these are for us. How intelligent is that? There must be something else that works subterraneously in us that rule these patterns. As in your story there is pain and hurt that we choose not to deal with, that then actually is controlling us in our abusive patterns. Building a life based on love will slowly give us the power and the courage to deal with those hurts and from there our addictions will vanish like frost under the morning sun.

In reading your blog I was reflecting on your statement that you did not fit in with the usual casino crowd. Yet the question I would ask though, is how many of the people that constitute that crowd actually “fit in”? Are they all feeling the discomfiture and awkwardness that comes from doing something to escape yourself? Are all of them using the cards and the table and the apparent focus and the drama to avoid focussing on their real issues and the real drama in their lives?
I can relate to every word in this blog with its clear portrayal of the things we use to avoid and to escape, although I have gambled only once in my life. I adopted other risky behaviours that hurt me so as to escape the fact that I was hurting. Pain to mask pain? It seems the answer for many of us is yes, until the day comes that we are inspired by those who live another way to say no.

Wow James, thank you for so honestly sharing your experience. I love the insight that you came to about your gambling habit… “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” How freeing to get to what was underneath the choice to gamble and what an absolute blessing that Universal Medicine and it’s teachings were there to support you to develop your natural awareness.

How lovely you are James. I felt reading this just how small these habits seem, compared to who you are. I have always been able to avoid casinos, betting and the like. But what you say has helped me see how in many ways I still used to gamble with my life. I would consciously disregard my health, and my wealth and my relationships to prove I was a ‘man’ and as you say beat life. What a blessing to learn that there is nothing to beat, only love to be lived and accepted, with no luck or good fortune, just sensible, practical choices. I bet my life on love.

Wow, so beautifully expressed Joseph – thank you. I fully agree with you and love how you said: “What a blessing to learn that there is nothing to beat, only love to be lived and accepted, with no luck or good fortune, just sensible, practical choices”. So true and so simple!

‘Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am’ is an amazing sentence where I can feel how you truly are claiming yourself and you have expressed so beautifully in this article. I used to gamble very occasionally, thinking it was harmless fun, and would lose my money so easily, that I walked away after a very short time. I now see this as a blessing, because I know if I ever had won, I could’ve easily been hooked into the illusion and would certainly have chased the money, and lost my rhythm. Learning just how important living in my rhythm is, is a journey I’m undertaking at the moment and it’s huge.

Such an honest sharing. I too have had my own addictions and realised that it was never about the addiction but what in me gave the addiction power. It wasn’t till attending Universal Medicine courses I began to look at these without so much self loathing and judgement. The less I judge myself, the less I judge those around me and am able to support others the way I was supported.

I agree Laura and totally relate to you what you said, “The less I judge myself, the less I judge those around me and am able to support others the way I was supported.” Similarly the more I appreciate myself, the more I take care of and look after myself.

Amazing turn around James. I have heard of people who have successfully quit gambling or some other addiction but when observing them, it is clear that ‘success’ is only measured from the change in behaviour but not truly the change in the energy. It was often the case that they started using something else to numb whatever pain they where feeling. You have truly changed your life and this is a miracle, an inspiration for others on what true healing is all about.

When you say you were “creating more pain to not feel the pain”, it really resonated with me. That kind of craziness can be applied to many areas where we have lost touch with ourselves, be that food, drug or alcohol consumption or any other kind of self-destructive behaviour. Only thing is, when the extra pain goes, the original pain is still there and nothing at all has changed.

Thank you for sharing your experience with gambling James. How many of us take a gamble with our life and ignore the messages that the body gives us that our behaviour is deeply harming. It is such a blessing that there are people like Serge Benhayon and others at Universal Medicine who gently support us in seeing the underlying cause of our problem and return to the fullness of the love that we are.

What a great honest sharing James, it is fascinating the depths to which we will go not to feel within ourselves. What you reveal is that none of us is immune from this, but a true way of healing is to begin to slowly develop a loving relationship with ourselves – take off the judges hat and begin to see ourselves as worthy of love, care and tenderness.

It is extremely hooking Madeline, its like once you have tasted it it is hard to stop, it wrecks so many peoples lives, as people turn to lies and dis-honesty to cover up the behaviour. Online gambling is also now becoming a major issue as it further removes you from the reality of the situation and that you are actually using you money, and in some cases your house or life savings to fund it.

Wow James, great sharing. I know too well the grip and hold gambling can have on people, as I have watched many in my family be caught up by it. It is very hooking. Many years ago I had some time in the casino and during this time I discovered that I got a ‘I can beat it’ feeling too but at this point I realised I best not gamble, as I don’t want to go down that path and be consumed by it. Seeing what happened to those around me was a learning in itself.
I love your final sentence ‘So a HUGE THANK you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have inspired me to be more of the love that I naturally am.’ It’s awesome that you are now living your natural love once more.

So lovely how you have shared the experience James. It really stands out that there is no harsh judgment or self-bashing, just acceptance and understanding. I can feel how being gentle makes it so much easier to move through a difficult situation and not get trapped in the cycle of feeling bad therefore acting awfully to cover up the feeling bad. This scenario plays out in so many areas of our lives. The choice to start to care for our selves is the opportunity to step away from harmful cycles.

I must admit Sandra there was a lot of ‘harsh judgment and self-bashing’ when I was caught up in the destructive behaviour of the gambling but with the more love I was with myself and built in my life, the more the self-criticism has stopped and taken a back seat rather than being there at every turn. I now appreciate myself far more.

Wow James. Thanks for sharing this. I have never been into gambling, so never really considered what might be going on for someone who has that addiction. I loved how you said that it didn’t matter what you spent the money on but that there was an energy that the money owned you and whatever you bought. This has been truly insightful.

“Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.”

I love what you have shared here James. I myself have found it quite easy to express, even if sometimes it comes out with frustration or another emotion I may be feeling at the time, but what you share here is what I feel with others and it always saddens me, because when someone is just being “polite”, there is a part of me that feels and knows that they are holding back and not really saying how they feel. It is so real when people just say it how it is rather than avoid it or sugar coat what is really going on for them. This is honesty and with this, we can all be aware and have understanding. Then real change can happen.

It is heartbreaking to realise how many people are going about their daily lives and just being polite in the process. I am sure they must be feeling the sadness themselves in holding back, just waiting, and wanting for someone to open up to them first. I have held back in my life, always having trouble expressing verbally and on paper. But I realise now that I CAN change, it’s up to me, holding back and not expressing doesn’t serve anyone, least of all myself. All this is courtesy of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and esoteric practitioners who are Masters of Not Holding Back, but always without judgement, criticism and comes with shed loads of love.

Thank you James for your open and honest appraisal of your experience with gambling. Whenever I was a bit down or depressed I would turn to food or alcohol, and emotional drama was a nice distraction too. Your sentiment –
“I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life”, is perfect!

Thanks James….I really like the way you talk about the gambling itself not being the problem. Society is always looking at what you call an ‘end result’ as the actual problem rather than looking at how we got there in the first place. It is no wonder addictions for many are so hard to break…we’re not looking at the underlying cause, just at the symptoms.

We gamble with our lives in so many ways James, your example of gambling can be applied to all kinds of addictive and destructive behaviours, which mask the deeper hurt we feel. How powerful is that first simple choice to allow ourselves to feel the pain, it is a very self- loving act isn’t it?

This I so true Bernadette. Reading James’s blog, I could not help but feel there areas in my own life that I ‘gamble’ but not in a financial sense. The most common is my own connection an well-being, I see how far I can ‘let myself go’ so I can rejoice in coming back to me…such an indulgence and a gamble that I never truly win.

Hi James, you sum it up when you say, ‘I thought I could get away with it…’ How many people walk around with this attitude about so many things in life? It’s as if life has somehow become the enemy and we have to brace ourselves by assuming a hard and unloving stance towards the very things that can offer us support. Thank-you for telling your story.

The feeling in the body of any addictive behaviour is both sensational and sense-less all at the same time. The pain to not feel pain is such a great description. It could equally be said the intensity to not feel intensity. But addictive behaviour is like a muscle and until that muscle learns some other way of moving it keeps doing the same thing over and over. Overcoming any addiction is incredibly freeing and an absolute first step toward a more self loving way to live with ourselves. Its like joining humanity again after a big break – great story James.

Addictions are very interesting to look at – and it is clear here you have been very committed to healing the root cause of yours James. More and more people are realising that their addictions have an underlying issue that is being covered up by the behaviour. Supporting people to heal these, and make loving choices instead is a beautiful process to be a part of.

Thank you James. It is true when you say it is never about the addicition but what lies behind and feeds the addicitve behaviour. When we focus on the end result and not the source we cannot move forward and heal ourselves.

Hi James and thank you. What really resonated with me was when you stated: “NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.” Ouch! There have been times I have made money certain ways that have not been based on love and then the money seems to slip through my fingers and disappear, so revealing of it source!

Thank you James for an insight into how destructive a gambling addiction can be. The fact that you were “… creating more pain to not feel the pain”, shows how it can take over ones life. It was inspirational to read how, through building a foundation of love, you came to the realization that the gambling was used “… to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” It’s beautiful that you have claimed, and are expressing from, your true self.

Thank you James the “…I have never felt any judgment. To say that is huge, especially given that I would be my worst imaginable judge, jury and executioner! ” Makes me cringe when I know for myself, even in recent times, can allow the terrible trio tell me what I should have or shouldn’t have done. This powerful breaking down of the things holding you back from your own rhythm and how that this is the deep support in life is insightful and supportive in and of itself.

Thank you Lee, it is a great reminder for me too. It is so easy to try to control situations and then have the should have or shouldn’t have thoughts but then we miss out the lesson in front of us. Ultimately we can learn from everything that we do, and living being aware of this for me has changed everything. It takes away ‘bad’ or ‘good’ and replaces then with truth and what is not truth. By doing this it takes me out the picture and so I do not have as much of a tendency to personalise it and can then observe what happens, develop a deeper understanding and learn from it. Either way it confirms the choice I have made.

What a great realisation James – ‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ Creating another pain to distract from the original pain one is wanting to avoid. Yes I have done this too. And I agree, craziness! And this is such a powerful revelation: ‘Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.’ This point of reflection can be applied to all the things we do that do not reflect the love that we are. Thank you James for your wisdom through openly sharing your personal story with us.

Thanks James the line “creating more pain to distract me from the pain I’m feeling”. So simple and so true and this instantly gets to the bottom of why. There has been times that I have chosen something that is not right but I haven’t been able to get to the bottom of why, what is going on for me and just left it as a general oh I’m just off. I have been choosing to create more pain to distract me from the pain already there. Thanks James.

That is great to hear Daniel, that the blog has helped you to come to a deeper understanding of the choices you have been making and so can now clearly see them for what they are. Awesome to read, thank you for sharing.

James a very brave blog for you to write that shows you have indeed healed or are continuing to heal your hurts, otherwise this level of detachment from your past behaviour would not been able to be shared with the world, to help us all understand that poor behaviour is only the surface issue.

Thank you Zoe, it was extremely liberating to write the blog a year or so ago. What I have loved about it is how many people have been able to relate to it and the conversations that it has opened up. I was quite literally owned by the gambling and kept it hidden from others which affected every area of my life, so was harming to both myself and everybody else. Yet when I was able to clearly see what was going on and why I was really doing it, there was no longer a call or desire to indulge in the gambling. I have seen so many others in the same or similar situation.

Your blog James was just beautiful to read and even though I have never been addicted to gambling I could still feel that I could relate to what you where talking about. I also love reading the comments on this blog to see how other people felt and what they got out of reading your blog. So keep the blogs coming James.

Thank you James, for sharing how when we lose the inner connection to the amazing love that we are, any addiction or situation will leave us feeling less or as you put it ‘feeling crap’. My life is littered with such moments where my love-less experiments went way of track and ended up falling in a heap and feeling any thing other than love. The excuses have run out and it is now my responsibility to bring the love that I naturally am, back to me. Serge Benhayon has been a true inspiration in sharing what love looks like, feels like, sounds like, walks like, plays like, sleeps like and the many other aspects about love that holds me in the truth of the inner beauty that I am.

Thank you James. I found the way you described gambling as ‘punishing yourself’ really interesting. Reading this blog I realised that every time I am choosing to do something that is not truly right for me and my body I am also punishing myself to distract from the pain.

Thank you James for very openly and honestly sharing the keys which helped you discover WHY you chose gambling. That it was the end result and not the problem is a powerful revelation that can help any of us dealing with an addiction of any kind. And it always starts with self love.

I love the clarity and honesty that you have written in James. It is so true that whatever way we seek to medicate or numb out is only ever a temporary measure, in which the undealt with feelings and issues always arise and return, creating another layer of problem over the first.

Thank you Jenny, I fully agree with you if we choose to ignore something and cover it up then it comes around to be looked at, although it now has “another layer” as you said and so it not so easy to deal with.

To read this blog reminds me my relation with a beautifull man who I loved very much but had to leave because he was starting the gambling pattern. It was like I could not connect with him.
Later in life I became aware that I also was not good at connecting with myself, I had other patterns to avoid the connection with myself and him.
It was good to read this blog to understand better why people choose this way.

Glad to hear it helped you come to a deeper understanding Sylvia, gambling, like so many addictions, can seem so foreign and strange when you observe them yet when they take over your life they become your focus and everything else loses its importance. And then something major needs to happen to shake you out of it and see through the behaviour for it is.

James what a great sharing. What you have expressed about the truth behind your gambling is so important. To understand that it is not really about the gambling itself or getting any high or thrill out of it (or though this can be part of it I am sure) but really about numbing and distracting from what you were truly feeling.

Penny, thank you for highlighting that one of major problems with treating people with gambling addictions or even any other addiction is that so often we focus on the behaviour and do not address what is underneath it causing the behaviour in the first place. We put so much pressure on stopping the behaviour it can get overwhelming and can blow it out of proportion, giving it far too much focus, relapses then occur as no real healing has taken place.

It is so wonderful, that you can heal all those emotional and mental constructs by building a foundation of love in your body. Love is our true nature, yet in this world of ours everything is based on mental understanding, so much so that the idea of love as a foundation, an energy, in the body is new and revolutionary – a lot of people don’t believe it, it’s too simple.

That is so true Regina, my sense is we are so used to complicating everything in our lives that the concept of making life about love and being connected to who we truly are, seems so hard. But it shouldn’t be.

Dear James your story is a miracle!!!!!! Could it be that healing gambling is sooooo easy?????? You wrote that “by steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus, the extremes of my emotions have gotten less extreme” For me you are now a living role model that healing an addiction must not be so complicate!!! So thank you so much or sharing your story. Imagine all people with addiction will follow your way than all psychotherapist will be soon jobless and the health industry will save a lot of money.

James, I really appreciate how you highlighted that the issue was not the gambling but what was going on for you underneath that. Through building a true foundation for yourself the rest could just drop away. This is note worthy.

You have shared such an essential to key to moving beyond any pattern that is holding us back from fully living our lives, be that depression, gambling or anything else. Giving ourselves permission to follow through on what needs to be done or said, unleashes the backlog of unexpressed feelings, creating freedom in our bodies and lives. We tend to focus on the issue rather than what is underneath, the fullness of us that is waiting there to be expressed.

“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself”. What a fantastic way of describing it. I find it makes complete sense though, because I find that when I am out of rhythm with myself I have a lot of self doubting thoughts and feel pretty miserable. But like you said, It doesn’t control me anymore because I can catch myself and say that that wasn’t really me because I know I have a foundation of love that I can fall back on and re-connect to. Then I feel much in rhythm with myself and enjoy being with other people more.

“Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.”
Thank you James it is amazing that even the most destructive habits we can eventually kick when we look at the root cause.

Thanks for sharing your story James, your so spot its not about the gambling or the addiction rather the end result of not being yourself and expressing what needs to be expressed i.e. holding back our love.

Yeah it can be so easy for us to focus all our attention on the big issue that’s in front of us, i.e gambling, instead of looking at the way we have been living beforehand that takes us to where we are now, whether that be living love or not.

Thank you James for sharing your experience with addiction, in the deep end and coming out. I don’t feel that it is any coincidence that I return to this blog at this particular time as a lot of what you have written rings true with my current situation. Creating motion to avoid what the motion in my body has already caused and disturbed doesn’t work! I appreciate re-reading this blog as it confirms what I have already felt: that if I focus on being love it doesn’t matter what comes up because the love within me will know what to do. I don’t need to focus on ‘solving the issue’ or ‘avoiding the issue’ because when I do I focus on everything that the issue is, I focus on the wrongness rather than on the love that can heal all of it.

This is huge James as you blow the whole ‘addict for life’ belief system out of the water. So many 10 step plans and programs are there to tell you it is a disease and you’re stuck with it for life but your story shows we ARE not addicts, we are just covering up what we do not wish to feel and by addressing what this is we automatically address the addiction.

So well said Carolien, how liberating to know we are not addicts. We are much more than that, but just choosing that behaviour to bury issues we don’t want to deal with or hurts we don’t want to feel. And in this process we create new issues. But that’s all it is, and when we find the true loving support, like with Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing Modality Practitioners, it’s quite easy to honestly deal with the issues and the hurts, and then the behaviour can just fall away.

Absolutely…we are not our addictions or addicts for life. As you so aptly say Carolien, “we are just covering up what we do not wish to feel and by addressing what this is we automatically address the addiction”.
So simple and yet so powerful in what can unfold from this. And it can be as simple as you say Esther…”deal with the issues and the hurts, and then the behaviour can just fall away”. Love it!

Wonderful James, and so simply put. ‘I’ve been helped to come to an understanding about what was actually going on for me’. This understanding is like being wrapped in a warm blanket of love – our cocoon from which the butterfly emerges.

I recognise the keeping things for yourself and being polite, in my case being a polite girl and I am still learning to express myself in full. I notice when I am not expressing myself in full I start to withdraw and have an excuse to become frustrated, making myself the victim. I catch this one more and more by seeing it is my responsibility to express what is there and commit to life. In this way life is becoming alive joyfully.

That is awesome Annelies – it is funny how we set things things up so we become the victim and then can bash ourselves even more instead of simply expressing what is there to be expressed, moving on and “becoming more alive joyfully”. Essentially by not expressing what we are feeling in fear of it sounding wrong or bad or anything like that we are giving it unnecessary power and by doing so it seemingly has a hold over us until we stop, expose it for what it actually is and move on without the weight of it unconsciously dragging us down.

“I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!” – I am sure we can all relate to this in one way or another. My medication was not gambling, it was food, but I still used it to dull the pain of what I was feeling.

Awesome James that you made the choice to address the underlying reason as to why you turned to gambling, choosing to go beyond “fixing” the issue, to choosing to heal the issue by feeling instead of numbing.

‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ – How many people have done this? To many to even count I think. This ‘more pain to not feel the pain’ is just so ridiculously common in our society. I mean would we really say to a five year old that when you grow up instead of feeling your pain you will just find a solution or fixer which will create more pain but it will at least dull out the original pain that you don’t want to feel??? They would look at you like you where crazy. This has really put some perspective for me on how harming this so called ‘normal’ thing is to our bodies and others around us.

I know Madeline it is crazy and almost absurd when you pose the question like that to a 5 year old, yet as you say, it is common place in society today. I love how when such a simple common sense question is posed, the craziness of the games we play is so easily exposed for what they are.

I love how you have expressed this Madeline as it really shows the ridiculousness of our choices…choosing more pain to dull the other pain we were in! What this exposes is that when we are choosing these ridiculous patterns we must be under a great illusion to not see it in this way…because if we did, we would not choose to continue the behaviour. James it seems you got to this point of realisation and then the game was exposed and could no longer continue,,,

Going to the root cause of any pain in life is the only way to truly heal and deal with destructive behaviours. Your example here is priceless as it shows it can be done by way of honest and loving choices to properly care for oneself. Thanks for sharing James, your strength and willingness is inspiring for many.

Thank you Gemma, it just goes to show that no matter what we may be going through or have gone through, and others have been through far worse than me, we can change what we are doing and return back to our tender loving selves.

Thank you for sharing James, your story about gambling. For you it was gambling. Others it may be over eating, over exercising or another vice where this activity becomes the addiction, the ‘go to’ or default activity that is used when we find ourselves in the ‘doldrums’ so to speak. I love your realization that it comes down to rhythm, the way you live with this, and building your foundation of love, that is what supports you not to slip into the gambling activity. Rhythm, based on and fuelled with love, … what a harmonious way to live!

Beautiful James, there is no better remedy for the ‘problems’ that occur during our life than building the love for ourselves in our bodies. When I have a deeper love for myself I can stay away from destructive behaviours very easily, this article inspires me to feel into the moments when I am not and that I always have the choice to come back.

“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” Gambling in the above quote from your great article James, could be replaced with any addiction that takes us away from feeling the pain and hurts of life. It is only through returning to the love that we are that the destructive behaviour patterns, whatever they may be, can eventually fall away, losing their grip on us.

Well said Rosemary, the power of love should never be underestimated – it is amazing the changes I have made and many others have made as a result of committing to living a life of love – and those are only people that I know!

“I would then say “Never again” and pick myself back up but, when a period of ‘struggle’ came, I would turn back to gambling. I would justify it, and allow it to control me.” James, I’ve witnessed this struggle in many friends in relation to many different addictions, from gambling to alcohol to ‘womanizing’ to workaholism to television… the list goes on. Your blog is priceless for revealing that addiction is “the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” How I wish that everyone who needs this message finds it, and gains the gift of understanding what is really going on for them and where healing really can be found.

Me too Dianne, it was the reason I wrote the blog so other people who are going through gambling or any other addiction can see that by addressing the underlying issue, in my case lack of self love, they can let go of the behaviour rather than trying to tackle it head on and then set yourself up to fail ensuring the abusive cycle continues.

Thanks for sharing your story James. We all seem to have a vice that we go to when things get tough or as you say we don’t want to feel something. The vice becomes the so called solution until we realise how harming the vice becomes. Gambling, abusive eating, drugs…whatever the vice is, they all guarantee to take us away from truth and love. It takes courage to take the steps you have James in coming back to honesty and loving yourself enough to keeping it real.

Thanks Marika – I can assure you whilst it may have taken courage to take the steps I have it has been worth it, more then I could have possibly imagined, every step no matter how hard each one may have been.

Such a beautiful and powerful blog, James. I felt the love, tenderness and inspiration of your words as they washed over me and expanded my body as I felt the strength behind them. By your sharing your unfolding path I was able to join you on your path and then be clear enough to follow a path of my own. This path would not be separate but a path where we can all walk side by side in equal strength, love and respect of one another.

I can feel the hooking and addictive energy of gambling when I read what you write. That energy also manifests in lots of other less obvious ways. For example many people call themselves investors when they are really gamblers and most people gamble with their health. I agree with you that we do all these things in an attempt to cover up or avoid dealing with the pain of being disconnected to our true self and the natural love we have within.

The energy around gambling is extremely hooking making you want to come back no matter how well or even how badly you have done. Win lots and you want more. Lose lots and you want to win it back. You are hooked in either way!

Such a lovely and truly honest account of your experience James. This was a pleasure to read and really relate to the ‘addiction’ as filling a void because I use shopping in the way as well. It is a cruel cycle. One that you have broken.

I can so relate to what you share here James: “Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.” I find that expressing what I am feeling and thinking is great medicine for me being more and more myself in the world. This makes my life so much more fun as I just feel at home (almost) everywhere because I can be myself just as I am with family and close friends. This is still a work in progress but really lovely to explore.

“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” Such a great realisation James, it seems to me that whether it is gambling, drink, drugs or alcohol these are not the real issue but a layer used to hide the hurt and pain that lies underneath.

I have never been a gambler but really relate to the statement that we numb and suppress what we are feeling with certain behaviours. This might sound a little opinionated, but actually it is very basic behaviour we all get caught up in everyday – choose a coffee rather than choose rest. Choose to harden and tense up instead of express a sadness or hurt. Choose to stay cheery and act as if nothing is getting us down, when so much can be going on in our lives that needs addressing. In a sense gambling and drug addiction are extremes of these everyday behaviours and a result of not being honest with ourselves and not addressing our feelings as we live day to day. The great service Universal Medicine offers is about developing this way of living, being response-able in daily life. Not only do pressures not build up, but we begin to feel less drained, and more vital and joyful.

So true Simon, addiction issues like gambling and substance dependence are just on one end of the spectrum of behaviours we use to change how we feel, numb and avoid parts of life. We are all using different behaviours to manage our exhaustion, boredom, anxiety, sadness and general emptiness however at times people can become physically or psychologically reliant or dependent on certain substances and activities which can add another layer of problems over the original issue they were seeking to escape.

Thank you James for your refreshing honesty. I had a close friend many years ago who used to gamble away his whole pay packet every week. He was as nice as pie, but could not help himself. At first I could not understand his behaviour, as it did not make sense with his easy going nature. But eventually I realised that he needed the stimulation of the crash and burn cycle of highs and lows that gambling offers. It made him feel alive, when for most of the rest of the time he was battling to avoid depression.

Thank you Adam – gambling is such a common past time or ‘addiction’ for so many people. Betting shops are opening up everywhere, adds on tv are encouraging you to make a flutter even the National Lottery promotes gambling as a way of helping ‘good causes’ and charities. Yet it is an extremely destructive behaviour because as you say you get the stimulation but in a “crash and burn cycle of highs and lows” which has an extremely detrimental effect on all areas of life. It is this coupled with the shame that it brings quite literally destroys families.

It is very illuminating to have gambling laid out and explained in all its ugliness and devastation by someone who has overcome it from the inside out and not through willpower or by replacing it with something else. The lostness seems enormous and I can see what winning lots of money can momentarily bring: the confirmation that something loves you enough to let you win, be it fate or God or whatever. What a devastating loneliness it must have been, and thank you for writing so honestly about it.

Thank you Gabriele, it was devastating to go through it, what I got out of it was some sort of connection with those who were there – I would never be there in silence – it was a very comfortable way I found to connect to others – albeit a very destructive and debilitating way. It shows the deep level of lack of self love and regard I had for myself.

Thanks James, I can see this when I purchase a lotto ticket, when feeling less and challenged, purchasing what I think could be a ticket to ‘comfort’. Amazing, I never win and it is no jolly wonder! Thanks for your timely reminder that there is plenty within life already and no need to look outside. Love the way you have shared this story.

Thanks Andrew, there is indeed “plenty within life already and no need to look outside”. It is so easy to get caught up looking outside of ourselves, wanting more, yet when we do this we miss out on the real joy which is found within and when connecting with other people.

James, a very honest and open account from you. To be out of rhythm with ourselves can really throw us out. So wonderful that you have connected to your rhythm as one of the many practical tools for everyday living. Thank you for sharing a very personal insight.

I feel the answer to all addictions is as simple as you express James : that you need to re-connect to the body, be open to loving yourself and allowing love in from others. Then when your body is filled with all that love you would have no reason to abuse yourself with an addiction?

How easy it is to show people how you quit your demons, when in truth you are just sacrificing
your pawns… to keep the darkest and biggest one in the shadows. It matters not the poison you choose because in the end whatever name they have… it’s has the same effect of numbing you. I have as you, named and beaten the things that we had hidden, but must stay aware. The more light we have, the less shadows we have and this makes it real hard to hide anything.

And James as you have clearly demonstrated all of our ills are as a result of not living lovingly and so by living lovingly all of our ills get taken care of. This most basic prescription must truly become common knowledge.

Thank you for your honest blog James, I feel we all have had (and still have) addictions that hold us back from being the amazing people we truly are.
The key point I got from your blog is to see these addictive behaviours for what they are, (trying not to feel past hurts) and not condemn and Judge ourselves.

I agree Thomas, it is crucial that we do not condemn or judge ourselves. I have found that when I do, I end up so much further away from myself and in a much deeper level of abuse than I was before, as the term goes effectively by condemning or judging ourselves, we are digging our own grave and then piling the mud on top of us!

James this is a remarkable story and one that I can relate to albeit with a different ingredient to supposedly ‘take away the pain’. It is interesting then that each of us use different but very similar destructive behaviours to perpetuate the misery rather than living from the joy and love we naturally are. This happens to everyone and the world over. There is something more sinister here occurring. Why is that we as people cannot live that love naturally? It is a question that I have asked myself many times and only through attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations with Universal Medicine am I able to start to see more clearly the webs that keep us choosing pain to deal with more pain. This has changed my life and as you described James they cannot hold me down and do not have the power I always thought they did.

That is great to hear Lee and I also find that, “It is interesting then that each of us use different but very similar destructive behaviours to perpetuate the misery rather than living from the joy and love we naturally are”. It is like the behaviour is so ingrained in us it takes over in auto-pilot mode until we see it for what it truly is, put a stop to that behaviour and the underlying energy and then it does not need to repeat itself as we have let go of the hurt and so no longer need to suppress or bury it.

Thank you James for giving me an insight into gambling addiction- and why you “choose pain to deal with the pain”
How beautiful that you made a commitment to yourself to stop this ill behaviour, by committing to self love.
You are an inspiration for others who may have chosen gambling or any other destructive behaviour, as a distraction ,from feeling their inner hurts.

Thank you Loretta, by committing to self love and not focussing on the gambling behaviour itself was the only way to fully let it go. I now have no guilt or shame over what I did, something I used to feel extremely deeply. It is a really joy to be free of the energy that surrounds it and keeps calling you back.

It is astonishing to see and feel our destructive behaviours crumble under the power of self care. Sure it takes a lot of work but when we understand that they are a mechanism put in place to avoid pain we instinctively know that being love will take care of them. So James, I, too, ” now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love”.

It is a crazy mechanism we use in order avoid feeling our hurts as all we end up doing is creating more pain and getting tangled in the web. Gambling, for example, has ruined so many peoples lives and destroyed families – all as a result of not wanting to feel our hurts – crazy really, the lengths of self destruction we will go to.

Hello James, but I ‘bet’ you had fun……kidding. I love this part, “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” I was never really a big gambler but I was lured by the dream of ‘winning big’ to solve all my problems. All this dreaming was as you say a “mechanism I would turn to, to numb or suppress what I was feeling”. It is really interesting when I look across my life and see all the ‘things’ I did for this very reason. Universal Medicine supported me to start feeling all the things that were actually already there but I was just running or numbing myself away from them. This has lead to a more balanced state in my life. No more huge highs and then heavy lows, a more balance place where there is less of a need to numb or distract myself from life and more enjoy of just the simple moments of life, thanks James and Universal Medicine.

Thanks Raymond for sharing, there is this huge illusionary ideal and belief that if we have loads of money suddenly everything will be taken care of, all our problems or worries will magically disappear. Yes money can help you have a comfortable life style but without love no amount of money can ever bring a sense of contentment. It is the state and health of our bodies that is where success can truly be measured rather than that of our bank balance.

James, thanks for sharing your story – what a big turn around! I especially found the words ‘By steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus, …’, really stood out for me as too often I can get lost in the self judgement and criticism when I have gotten off track when in fact the ‘solution’ is to return to focusing on what I really am – not the other stuff.

Well said Helen, the ‘solution’ to letting go of anything that does not serve us or treat us lovingly is to return back to the love we are and not bash ourselves for making a mistakes. Something which has helped me tremendously has been learning that we are not meant to be perfect and that it is actually ok to make mistakes. The crucial thing is then to learn from them and not wallow in self pity or judgement.

Reading your blog I can feel the clarity of where you are at, James, and it feels exquisite. A long way from the trappings of alcohol, drugs and gambling. The way you describe the steady building of a strong foundation of love in your body is so inspiring and reveals how healing this simply profound approach truly is.

Thank you Brigitte, it is always great for me to come back to this blog and remind myself of where I was once, of the torture and torment I put myself through all to not feel what was going on for me. It is a real joy to not feel all the constraints I once felt and lived with as an everyday reality. I know I will say the same in a few years compared to how I am loving today and that is one of the great things about love, it is forever deepening.

Thanks James , very insightful . For me I can understand the link between the addiction and using it as a distraction to what is really going on underneath . The feelings we don’t want to feel ,or the hurts we want to bury and also not feel .
Like you say it is definitely the building of a strong foundation of love and also acceptance in the body that can heal the needs to want to choose the addiction in the first place.

Well said Greg, we can only truly let go of addictions by filling our bodies with love, that way there is no room or opening for the abusive behaviours and addictions to come in. And then when they try to we notice them straight away as they stick out as not being love rather than simply another unloving behaviour that is put in the same pile as the rest and so does not stick out.

“I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!”. This encapsulates of lot for me James. I did a good job of creating tons of pain for myself over the years not realising that instead of amassing more and more of it I had to discard it bit by bit. I am learning to let go and as the trappings of misery slowly fade away I feel myself expanding.

It’s interesting Patricia as a lot of people have picked up on that line, it hits home and gets us to question why on earth would we choose to act in a certain way and what do we actually achieve by delaying the inevitable?!

James I loved your blog- you could replace the gambling with any habits in ones life that isn’t supportive or loving and it would still make sense.. it’s really inclusive for everyone.

This bit was especially great “I was creating more pain to not feel the pain”!
It’s a crazy cycle we put ourselves in.. I can see it happening with a huge amount, if not everyone I know. I can say I’ve definitely done it too, with overeating (no surprise there) I make myself feel sick, sore or uncomfortable from eating so I don’t have to feel the pain underneath. Crazy! Why not just deal with the first pain instead of having two pains ?.. That would be the more sensible thing to do. I know that with how I grew up and with how the world is, we aren’t given the tools or the know how on how to deal with that stuff though. A huge thank you to Universal Medicine indeed.

Beautiful sharing James. Gambling is a very attractive distraction to many as there is the lure of glamour and riches so to speak, the money that will be the answer to our emotional woes. But as you stated it just creates more pain and therefore being hooked by gambling even more, becoming trapped. I have given up some powerful distractions in my life and have found that facing the underlying emotion, while scary, is actually extremelly liberating and empowering. Through having healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners and making self-loving changes in the way I live, I have been able to turn my life around, which continues to be a work in progress.

Hi Kate, it is always great to hear how other people have also turned their lives around as a result of making choices based on the teachings presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. As you say they can be ‘scary’ at times to face and see but is definitely worth going underneath them. It just shows how much love we are and how powerful we all naturally that there is so much stopping us being that love. We can choose to see each moment as a lesson to help aid us returning back to love and so embrace it rather than thinking it is too much to deal with and I can come back to it another time, something I know I have done a lot of and catch myself doing.

What a pearler of a statement here – ” I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!”. This is so so so so crazy that we do this (and I know I do but fortunately far less these days). Would it not serve humanity more to actually ask – why are we doing this to ourselves?

I agree Sarah, and it is interesting how most people have picked up on this statement in the responses to the blog. It highlights the sheer absurdity of it, the absurdity of creating pain in one area to not feel the pain in another area. It is quite a bizarre behavioural habit from the so called most intelligent species on the planet!

“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” I feel the immense truth in this. If you are in rhythm with yourself, gambling will simply not happen. This insight can turn many many lives around.

I fully agree Eduardo – it turns the notion of addictions on their heads. Then it does not become about trying to beat the addiction rather looking at the way we are living and then naturally the addiction is no longer. Yes it takes work but is a real solution rather than simply a band aid, liable to fall off at any time.

It’s interesting to observe the extremes we will go to not feel our initial pain and of missing the love within. I feel we can substitute gambling with any other addiction like food, alcohol or even excess exercise to dull and distract us from us. Thank you James for presenting your experience and your return to your rhythm with constant unfolding of love.

I agree Merrilee I was addicted to drugs, alcohol, food,exercise,men, anything to distract me from my pain and from the lack of connection with myself and with others. Even though I have given up all these overt addictions a long time ago I still have to observe when I am distracting myself with other behaviours that prevent me from feeling what I need to.

Just re-reading this again James, and the words here struck a chord with me, not in regards to gambling, but in fact to any addiction we may have, your words: “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself” – when we find we’re out, or doing something out of the ordinary, over eating, or acting with a certain type of behaviour, then it’s just a (great) sign we’re out of rhythm. And to get back to our rhythm to re-gather ourselves. From this place we can learn without the emotion/usual self-sabotage why we did what we did. And from this point heal. Beautiful.

Well said Zofia, we can use these actions, which are out of character, as markers and indications of how we are living and the choices we have made. We can choose to then return to a more loving rhythm or continue on the path of disregard, at least we then have the choice rather than seemingly thinking or allowing ourselves to get swallowed up by them.

Nestled into a party lifestyle in the Caribbean for years, where gambling is as common as going for a walk within the yachting community I was a part of, I certainly know the pull of such a deep distraction. To drink or socialise or constantly be wake-boarding or swimming etc are one thing, but I’ve never experienced being more consumed than when gambling – it’s certainly in retrospect, one of the most thorough ways I’ve ever numbed myself too.

Thank you for sharing Oliver, I know what you mean when you say that you have “never experienced being more consumed than when gambling”. It seems to completely hook and take you over and it is extremely hard to say no to. However, now it does not even cross my mind as something to do, it is not will power rather there is no space in my body for such abusive and disregarding behaviour anymore.

Thank you for sharing such personal insights James. I know when I am out of rhythm that I go shopping. I may not spend a lot of money but the energy of emptiness is still there. What you have written has shown me the power of feeling “the what is not” instead of appreciating the gorgeous human beings we are.

Indeed Anne, as so many others have shared we can replace ‘gambling’ with almost anything else and shopping is just one of them! With shopping when you go to enjoy it what you end up with really supports the body and can be great fun. It completely changes the way you choose clothes and then they feel truly supportive every time you put them on.

James what an extraordinary break through to have been caught in the trap of the gambling addiction. This greater understanding with the support from Universal Medicine practitioners and Serge Benhayon you have been able to stop the disregard and loveless choices that were not true. Everyday you must wake up and go wow what cool choices I have made to not be where I was and to feel this amazing. Super inspiring James, thanks for sharing.

It is extraordinary Natalie, I know I do not confirm the awesome choices I have made enough though! I do not regret the gambling experience I had but would not wish it upon anybody. Nothing or no amount of money comes anywhere close to the love that I can feel in my body and so nothing is worth losing it for!

James thank you for sharing your situation with gambling. Your journey to bring more loving choices to you and the unloving behaviors falling away. It takes a level of honesty and responsibility and a willingness to bring about this change. Inspiring behaviors and patterns that are not loving to fall away as not belonging in your life. Without resistance, but with understanding and compassion.

James I too have found that the behaviours that I can berate myself with are simply ways I’m avoiding dealing with something, and the self-criticism is almost the relief because it totally distracts me from feeling what was originally there to be dealt with. Totally agree with Chris James too; being treated with love and without judgement opens a huge space that allows healing to occur.

I agree Anne, self-criticism is so destructive and all it achieves is not dealing with the issue / what has come up for you to look at. We have a choice to either view life and what comes our way as a learning or we can want it to be a certain way and if it isnt get frustrated and annoyed with life! I know which one I am choosing!

Oh wow James it was a stop moment to read your story I have never gambled but have seen the how addictive and destructive it can be to be able to deal with your issues with support from Universal Medicine is phenomenal. Lets hope others read this and make the choice to get some help.

With $20 million dollars a year spent on gambling in Australia and only 15% of problem gamblers getting help. James your story is remarkable dealing with the real problem behind your gambling. There are many mechanisms i have used in the past suppress what I was feeling. My toolkit is a lot more full after Universal Medicine presentations.

$20 million dollars sounds a lot but pales into insignificance when the real devastation and destruction gambling brings to families. The major factor here is only 15% of people seeking help and this shows how much shame there is around people admitting they have an issue with gambling.

Gorgeous James, thank you for sharing your inspiring story. Its so true that living outside of our natural rhythm is what gets us in all sorts of disarray, in realising that, it naturally begins to correct itself. It brings the onus back to us rather than laying power upon anything outside of ourselves.

In my early 20,s I hung out with with gamblers most of them did not think they had a problem,interestingly enough they looked down on those that took heroin, thinking they had the problem. I had just come out of a heroin addiction and at least I knew I had an issue and that I needed support to look at all the reasons I was taking the drugs whereas they continued on with their gambling, sometimes losing their homes as well as their relationships, never facing that they had an issue. Some I have ran into years later are still living this destructive lifestyle, still in denial that they have an issue.

That is a great point Mary-Louise. We can only start to deal with our destructive behaviours when we 1st stop and see them as destructive, otherwise if we see them as normal and ok then why would we want to change them. I know for me there was a lot of denial about it and not really wanting to see why I was turning to gambling. Just like with many other addictive behaviours it has a very strong hold when you are in its grasp and so not is as easy it may look from the outside to stop it. Returning back to living a loving way removes the void that was left for it to fill.

I like how you say gambling was the end result of not living in your own rhythm. This statement carries the answer to many of the woes that are in the world at present. If we choose to bring dedication to discovering our natural rhythm and choose to live in this way nothing can sway us. I find when I start finding life complicated or hard I have moved away from living in my natural rhythm. When my rhythm slips it is very easy for life to fall apart around me. Rhythm for me is the key.

Rhythm and consistency is something I have found extremely supportive in living a more loving way with myself and others. And just as you say Toni, once my rhythm slips, my consistency goes and almost anything is then possible!

Amazing James. How amazing that you made the choice for your self to get real about what was driving you to gamble. Extremely admirable. The thing that I love about self responsibility is that it applies to absolutely everything, and not just the ‘big’ things such as substance abuse, and gambling etc. It’s about behavioural patterns that can be changed with a little understanding and compassion for why we make certain choices. And from that understanding we can start to appreciate what does and does not work for us, giving us an opportunity to choose differently.

Thank you for what you have shared James, it is so easy to fall into ill behaviours and patterns when we live out of rhythm with our self, disconnected from others and unable to express. When we open up to love and listen to our body, we can build a strong foundation to make loving choices that support us to deepen the connection with our self and others.

Very true Linda. It quite literally turns on its head the way we treat and deal with people with addictions. It takes away the fear and self-loathing which goes with ‘re-offending’. The foundation we build is the key and it is this we then have to return to when things seemingly get hard.

Thank you for sharing James. There are many vices that we have used to numb the feelings that we don’t want to feel. It doesn’t seem to matter what the vice is , the fact still remains that it is the numbing that we are after. Once that is recognised, in my experience, then a healing can begin as every time I reach for that vice I have a choice to feel it or not.

Great Insight into addiction and what lies underneath. No one starts out as an addict, and yet our focus as a society is always on treating the addiction, rather than what lies underneath, and there-in lies part of the problem. We are not addicts by nature. Rather addiction is simply a mechanism that we choose to control life – and it is a choice. If we understood this more deeply, our approach to addiction would change, as would our understanding of what addiction truly entails. We are very quick to label the obvious addictions such as drugs, alcohol and gambling, but such comparison often stops us at looking what role addiction plays in our own life. For there are many behaviours that are truly addictive and ultimately as destructive to drugs in their own way that we do not stop to consider because of propensity to compare our life as being ‘better’ compared to what others have to deal with. Ultimately this stops us from having greater awareness as to how life truly operates underneath the surface.

You are spot on Adam and have nailed it – ‘No one starts out as an addict’. It is so true that we see many destructive behaviours as a ‘bettering’ of our lives or better compared to something else so we do not consider them addictions, or harming yet they are. It is amazing how much we lie to ourselves and ‘bend the truth’, wanting it to suit us and where we are at rather then stopping and truly taking full responsibility for our lives and our choices.

We seek to control that which we will not surrender to. And so we invite in a whole host of behaviours, thoughts, beliefs, ideals etc. to stubbornly resist living that which we already are – love. Great comment Adam, a blog in itself.

A ‘foundation’ of true care and love definitely creates a quality of life tat is more steady and consistent, I have felt this to be true for myself. I used to say I felt depressed some times, or angry but those enveloping emotions and behaviours are less and less occurrent. I can feel when they even come up slightly in life and my body feels that they are a bit alien and they do not feel good. I can now say, these emotions are not me, and it is true.

I agree Samantha when these emotions come up now instead of getting caught up in them for hours, days, weeks even years they now pretty much instantly register in my body as not feeling right and so I am clocking them more and more and not allowing them to run for to long. Once I clock them I have the opportunity to change that pattern/behaviour – by doing so I learn to bring more love into the way I do things and am with people and I also confirm what I am feeling so next time my bodies signals are even clearer for me to see!

Wow James, the honesty and vulnerability in sharing your story is truly felt. Amazing to see, how opening up towards ourselves chnages the whole game. Not keeping the beauty out and expressing more and more what is truly going on, Thank you for choosing this part and not holding the world on randsom.

Yes Steffi I agree, the honesty and vulnerability are truly felt in this blog and it is very beautiful especially as it is written by a man. I too appreciate James very much in having the courage to feel his hurts and let them go. It is very inspiring to see how he has opened up and is learning to fully and clearly express himself – Awesome!

Thank you James for sharing this history. You have obviously gone super deep with it and let go of a lot of old destructive patterns. While in those patterns, the word love does not carry much weight and nor does the concept of letting go of what is not love. Yet with Universal Medicine, you, and I and it seems many others have opened up to an unimposing, divine quality of love, which has shown us how to love ourselves and therefore see those patterns and truly let them go.

Beautifully said Simon. To let go of the hurts and destructive patterns that are shadowing our lives we first need to care for ourselves so we can build the quality of love and appreciation in ourselves and this is exactly what Universal Medicines’ presentations and workshops supports and nourishes.

It’s amazing and deeply beautiful how even when you were so caught up in the world of gambling that your Soul still called you to feel, listen and question what you were doing. I can relate to feeling this and also to overriding it. It is so inspiring how through your openness and honesty you chose to deal with and heal the hurt and pain that was driving you to seek relief through creating more pain. ‘I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life.’ – beautifully said, thank you James.

Incredible James how you were able to improve your life as you have. I agree with the fact that Serge Benhayon, and all the modalities that Universal Medicine has to offer, can support us to figure out what is actually going on in our lifes without judgement or telling us what to do. Once we understand we can start making choices that will support us.

Exactly Ilja, ‘Once we understand we can start making choices that will support us’. Otherwise we can ‘think’ what we are doing is ok or what we are feeling is normal and so continue doing it. It is not until we can clearly feel what is going on can we then begin to understand and so make different more loving and supportive choices. The rest then takes care of itself.

What we do to not feel and bury our hurts amazes me. One of my vices has been food but it doesn’t matter what the vice is, it is still numbing the pain inside. To have the understanding that we numb ourselves because we don’t want to feel our hurts has been enormous for me as when I slip into a behaviour that I know is not me I simply have a choice to be honest with myself and nominate that which is not who I am.

It is amazing quite how much we create behaviours and patterns to not feel things. The problem is we ‘think’ oh that won’t matter but it does and essentially everytime we say yes to something which is less than the love we are that leaves an imprint in our body calling for us to be less than the love we are and these build up. Whereas when we choose the love we are we feel more spacious in our body and so naturally are pulled to be more love. The key here is we have to make the choice and then get fully supported, but as I said it works both ways! And this means when we do choose to be more of the love that we are we have to let go of all the old unloving patterns we have held and clung onto and this means at first it may seem like a struggle but if we persist with it then we will find the love will flood in and no longer will it seem soo hard to be the amazingness that we are.

This opening line says it all James and underlies so many addictive ways. “There have been various short or prolonged periods in my life where I have felt down, lost and not feeling I was getting what I wanted out of life. At these times I would turn to any distraction I could.” The addiction become the focus so we don’t have to look at what is really going on in our lives.

I agree Alison, it is so easy to get distracted and caught up in something when we do not want to feel what is going on for ourselves. I know for me I have played a game where I can try to offset one area of my life where things aren’t going well with another area. But this never really lasts and is only momentary. Becoming addicted to something is simply taking this further and taking us further away from feeling what is going on for us.

When I look at the times I have gambled….I used to play fruit machines in the pubs, it was when I felt empty and it was my way of filling time but it didn’t take long before this then became a habit. I would go to the fruit machines to loose myself rather than see that if I was honest I didn’t really want to be in the pub in the first place.

What is interesting Alison is how things start out seemingly innocently and then we find ourselves somehow further down the track doing something we would not have ever imaged doing before hand. It is like we say yes to one bit of self destruction and then we are on the self destruction path whether we like it or not. It takes a lot to then jump off it and come back to love.

Looking back it takes a lot of effort and energy to continue living in a way which is not self loving. Distracting ourselves constantly and as you share punishing ourselves with the many ‘numbing’ activities that we choose to hide under. To have this brought out in the open and to realise that I was doing this to myself was a huge revelation. I feel that many of us were on the roller coaster of self destruction if our paths had not come across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. For that I feel truly blessed. James thank you for this awesome sharing.

Yes Marion without Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I do not want to imagine let alone think where I would be today. Thankfully I do not have to. However, looking back and taking stock at where I was and where I am now helps me to further appreciate the choices I have made along with everything Serge and Universal Medicine has brought me and reawakened in me. I wrote another blog – Serge Benhayon a true Model and it further sums up how inspiring Serge has been for me and as you also say so many other people. http://truthaboutuniversalmedicine.com/2014/06/16/serge-benhayon-a-true-role-model/

Awesome blog James. This line: ‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ is such a pearl of wisdom! How often do so many of us do it, but not see it as that?! Whether it be gambling or any other form of self destructive behaviour, it is all creating pain to not feel pain – crazy!

I agree Brooke, it is crazy. Something I have found is that the more love I am being with myself and others the more my unloving patterns and habits come up for me to look at and effectively change my behaviour. These can be quite confrontational at times and it is generally in these moments where I have chosen distraction and used to choose gambling as they may be not that easy to feel! But staying with them and seeing them for what they truly are means I can then let them go and so release that unloving pocket of energy I was carrying around in my body. It is crazy why I would not want to do this and delay being more love. We hurt ourselves to not feel hurt, crazy indeed!

In reading this again I just Love the fact that Universal Medicine presented the answer for you James, as it has for many of us who have been lost but now have found the connection to a self loving relationship.

Great blog James very inspirational, and what you say relates not only to gambling but those of us who use food, aggression, TV, entertainment etc to hide our deep hurts. By your writing we can feel first the hurt and hiding you were in but then also the joy at being able to see what this was doing to you and the changes you made.
Thank you for sharing.

Awesome blog James. Addictions are full of highs and lows, both equally ensure that we are not with ourselves. You have made an amazing turnaround and the joy felt between the lines is palpable. It’s just wonderful to read stories like yours that have started with an act of self-love and with those consistent choices lives are transformed until the old us is unrecognisable. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Shelly, I agree it is amazing when we hear about and see so many people who have completely transformed and turned their lives around all as a result of making more loving choices. And for this we have Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to thank because without them many of us, myself included, would still be stuck on the same merry-go-round trying to get through life but not actually embracing life.

What I am finding is that the more I choose to ask my body what it feels to do it’s like I have two choices – listen to the voices in my head which often are not very original such as ‘Must do this/must eat that’, thinking about work etc and they repeat over and over again very rapidly. Whereas if I ask my body there is a pull to stop in that moment and ask ‘what’s underneath these thoughts/choices/feelings/behaviours?’ As you say James the addiction is the end result, a symptom, not the cause and often I have felt that it is an inner disturbance or feeling that requires addressing rather than a random behaviour that needs controlling.

Well said Leigh and a great addition to the discussion. As you said these thoughts and behaviours of ours often can come from ‘an inner disturbance or feeling that requires addressing rather than a random behaviour that needs controlling’. When we address these ‘hurts’ of ours and let them go then slowly but surely our body becomes more loving and so there is then less and less room for those ‘ill’ thoughts and behaviours to happen.

Yes James and Leigh it is about looking underneath the behaviour to the cause where true healing will take place. Many Psychologists/counsellors are trying to fix the behaviour by changing the thought patterns which controls the behaviour for a short time but then it returns. So we are still left with the same behaviour. This is like a vicious cycle until we deal with the tension that caused the behaviour in the 1st place.

Thanks James for giving me an insight into why you and possibly many others turn to gambling. I never really got why all these football stars who already have so much money got hooked on gambling, but I guess it is just another form of escape.

It is indeed Kevin simply another form of escape – it makes no sense when you have enough money to gamble and want more. What it shows is the emptiness and lack of contentment people are feeling. I know when I am feeling love in my body it is almost impossible for a thought to enter that would want to take me away from that.

Your personal development James reminds me on my own development in the last years. There was a time where I had the feeling, that I don’t have the right to make my own decisions – I had such a big lack of self worth. Your life proves as well, how powerful it is to start to make loving choices – it is a beginning of a journey to what we really are – love.

So simply and honestly written, really beautiful, thanks James. The line that stood out for me was ” I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!” it is crazy that we do this in so many ways, I can relate to that.

Me to Tim!
How much time and energy we can keep burrowing into holes in how we feel about ourselves and things that we know are not good for us, is sometimes astounding! Physical things or emotional behaviours as well. It kind of begs for the question to be asked – if I know something is really hurting me, my relationships, the way I feel about myself – what makes me keep going with it? Universal Medicine presented that for me and opened up a whole new way of living life.

James thank you for sharing, it is amazing what we use to numb ourselves, it makes no difference if its drugs, alcohol, gambling, tv, or video games, they all do exactly the same thing – keep us away from being who we truly are. Great that you were able to reconnect back to the beautifully sensitive man that you are.

Thank you Sally, and yes it makes no difference what we use to numb and distract ourselves. It is a real joy to have returned to the ‘beautifully sensitive man’ that I am. The more I allow my sensitivity out and for others to see the more I value and appreciate myself. It is amazing to feel how what I once thought was a weakness is actually a great strength to have. I actually wrote a blog on it: http://truthaboutsergebenhayon.com/2015/07/07/celebrating-our-strengths/ which goes into it in a little more detail.

Hi James, thank you for sharing your experience with gambling. It makes sense to me that when we feel empty we will use all sorts of addictive things to fill us up. The fact that you were fortunate to have the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to give you insight into the amazing beings we truly are and that we deserve Love and to be Love, in everything we do is great. If others were taught this truth , maybe they too could turn their lives of addiction around as you did with your wisdom and knowledge.

I agree Roslyn, what was great is how Serge Benhayon offered me the space to feel the love that I am and to foster and develop this and so then naturally the urge to go gambling or to any other self-destructive behaviour has become less and less. There is no room for self-destruction and/or self-abuse in a body of love, and little by little we can build love by simply making loving choices which honour where our body is at in each and every moment.

“There is no room for self-destruction and/or self-abuse in a body of love, and little by little we can build love by simply making loving choices which honour where our body is at in each and every moment.” I love the simplicity of what you offer here James…a very gentle and honouring way to be with ourselves. This is an inspiring reminder for me to check in with every day…thank you.

Thanks James for sharing your experience with the gambling pattern you had.
From that I understand better why people do so. To not feel the hurt they create another hurt. That makes sense in understanding people close to me in my life in the past why they were getting back to gambling a lot. One of them was and is a very sensitive sweet man who couldn’t cope so much with the pressure on him by his surroundings to fullfil their needs.

That is great to hear Sylvia how the blog has helped you understand people with addictions more. And with your friend it is often some of the most sensitive people who turn to addictions whether it be gambling, drugs, alcohol etc.. all to not feel what is going on around them. Love for me though is the only way as it means that I am feeling everything around me, understanding what is going on and so I do not react as much to it. Love also gives me a feeling of contentment and has helped build and develop my self-worth – this means that I do not need to recognition or acceptance from others and so can let go of needing things to be a certain way.

A wonderful expose of what is truly going on in gambling addiction – thank you James.
Not to minimise what you share here James but as has previously been mentioned there are numerous other substances and or behaviours that can be substituted for the word gambling – the world is rife with distractions and behavioural mechanisms that have the sole purpose of delaying our connection to love. And yet when we connect to that love we look back and go ‘why? why would I not choose this amazing way of living?’

Gambling with money isn’t something I was into but ‘gambling’ with life I certainly was…constantly battling and bargaining with it – I’ll do this so I get that from the world; only doing so much just to get by, rather than truly living life to the full. And using behaviours such as being harsh and judgmental on myself has been a vicious cycle, constantly undermining every thing I do and say and perpetuating itself – self-destructive and self-abusive, and a very unloving way of being in the world. But despite knowing I was unhappy, I was totally unaware of all of this until attending Universal Medicine, where the loving way of living that is presented, totally exposes all that is not loving in our lives – if we choose to live that loving way.

Hi James.
I love here how you point out that winning or losing was the same, and that even if you walked out with thousands of pounds the money you won never really satisfied you or was spent on anything useful or supportive. I worked in Casino’s for many year as a croupier and supervisor. I witnessed and agree that the ‘hit’ people were looking for could be satisfied by winning or losing. And it never mattered how much someone one won or lost – they would always still come back for more. It is not the money at all that gaming is about.

Thanks Simon, well said – most people do not realise that it is not the money which makes people gamble. Sure distant fantasies can come in especially at the beginning but it is more the buzz and sense of excitement which transports you into another world which is why people repeatedly turn to gambling.

James this was beautiful to read how you opened up to self love, self caring and expression and also dealt with your issues/hurts. You have shown us by changing the way we live it has the potential of knocking any addiction on its head. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Anne, it was a lovely experience and still is opening up to more and more love. Whilst it may not now be gambling there are lots of other things which were once insignificant now stand out to be addressed in much the same way. The more love we are the more any non-loving acts or behaviours stand out – stand out for us to see and change so we can be even more love! Love is like an ever deepening well of yumminess the more we become love the more it flows.

James I can really relate to the harsh self-judgment, and being my own judge, jury, and executioner. This leaves you feeling low, and you never get to understand the truth, or the root cause of the problem. You need self-acceptance and a willingness to change as you have described here: “By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.”

Bernard, yes so often we are our worst enemy, being extremely self critical and not allowing ourselves the space and understanding to see why we have chosen to do something. For when we do that we learn from it otherwise we just bury the reason and eventually end up doing the exact same thing only this time with more frustration and annoyance!! You do need self-acceptance and with that comes self-love and from the more loving choices. It is a never ending building of love in the body and in all of our choices. We just have to step on the path of love and let it be our guide, without any perfection needed or sought.

I love that you have exposed that it is not the end result that is the issue but rather these things stem from living out of rhythm with ourselves and therefore disconnected to the amazing beings we are. Not feeling this amazingness hurts, and what follows are just antics to not feel that.

We all have destructive habits that as you express James ‘help’ us deal with our hurts but in fact amplify the problems. Mine was of burying myself in a book, literally physically and mentally to avoid connecting with people and the world around me. Freeing myself of this obsession has been gradual and quite involuntary. It is my reconnecting with myself which has made this prop unnecessary. I’m coming to this realisation while writing this. Quite amazing. Thank James for opening my eyes to myself!

I worked in a casino as a dealer and saw many, many people who were gambling to distract themselves from something in their life. Your paragraph, “…It wasn’t really about the money either, even though big sums were involved. It didn’t really matter whether I won or lost – it was like I was trying to punish myself to distract me from the pain I was feeling. Crazy!! – think about it: I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!…” is happening to probably millions or even billions of people. It might not be gambling, it might be following sport, or working long hours, or being a mother. It doesn’t really make any difference I have since learned from Serge Benhayon, learning that everything is energy and that everything is because of energy. So this tells me there is an energy that people are not wanting to feel and so behave in a way that stops being able to feel…for a while anyway. But what happens then???

Really interesting James to see gambling as a form of self punishment and numbing of oneself and not related so much to the win or lose. I can understand how it is a kind of hysteria where you are just in motion without any rational motive or intent. Taking it to the depth of understanding you did with the assistance of Universal Medicine obviously was a very effective way to heal the habit. The overriding lesson for me here is that until we are able to feel the self loathing underneath and let it go, destructive habits are always going to be very difficult to shift.

Thank you James for sharing that. The way you have used gambling I have used food in the same way. Now I am learning to handle what I am feeling and to bring greater understanding to what is going on at a deeper level. There are no quick fixes only the constant building of a commitment to love that we left behind long ago. We done us 🙂

That is great Simone. I know how easy it is to think that quick fixes are the answer but really for the main part they act like a plaster that over time falls off. Whereas with love as our guide, marker and teacher it brings a deeper level of honesty and truth and so exposes the underlying areas we have left undealt with. Once we have dealt with them we no longer need to cover up the hurt by choosing some form of stimulation (addiction) to not feel it. Slowly but surely the more love we build in our bodies, through the way we are living, all our choices and actions means the disharmonious and unloving thoughts, are given less and less time and less space to have any say over our life’s.

I wonder how gambling started in our history. I have never been into gambling, not even a lottery. Gambling to me feels synonymous with playing with ‘luck’, like believing there’s some kind of super-power at play beyond our control that sometimes works for us, and other times against us, and I wonder what people get addicted to is the feeing of elation when they think something/someone is on their side. Could it be possible to say there’s a deep yarning in them to be connected to something grand, something they can surrender to?

I have never thought of it that way Fumiyo. I also see gambling as a way of wanting something for nothing feeling somehow I deserve to win or to have the money. Mostly I see it coming from greed and envy by looking at what some others may have and not wanting to put the hard yards in. It is also a big distraction as completely, in my experience, puts the body on edge and so you forget about all your woes. Usually only to add to them and then have to face the consequences afterwards!

I like you, James have learned when I am: “living out of rhythm with myself”, it is much easier to succumb to temptations that are very clearly not loving to my body and to me, and can often also harm those around me. It has been a work in progress to become aware when the rhythms that support me through my day are out, although there are times that it takes a while to re-establish them, I have found that it is well worth it the commitment to do so. I didn’t know about the rhythms in my life until I began to attend the presentations of Serge Benhayon, but now I realise how important they are to my everyday well being and quality of my life.

It is interesting how crucial rhythms are in our lives and what a major role they play in the way we feel and do things. I can find when I am in a flow with life, a rhythm, everything seems to have a time, space and order to get done whereas when I feel a bit off suddenly everything becomes a struggle and it is hard to get things done. By having certain things in place, markers and ways to bring me back into a loving rhythm means I can catch these much quicker instead of staying with the struggle thinking that is how life has to be – as I used to!

Gambling is an addiction, and as with so many other addictions it tries to fill an emptiness but it never can, and many of us know the awful feeling of finding out that we are addicted, whether it be to thoughts or foods or habits, and then to experience the freedom of moving out and letting go of these habits can be the start of o heartfelt re-connection to our true selves.

I agree Chris is amazing quite how much addictions like gambling can consume and take over our lives, seemingly we feel trapped by them not being able to let go of them. Yet as soon as we do we have a new sense of freedom, where our choices are not so tainted. At first the pull to go back may be strong but at long as we have made the choice to deepen the level of love in our body and life then the pull or urge to repeat the ill undermining behaviours ceases to have any power whatsoever.

Thanks for sharing your story with such honesty James. It has helped me to better understand the true nature of gambling. What struck me as I was reading was that we are all gamblers in our own way: we make lots of choices that are detrimental to our health and well being and which affect others but we often do so in the subtle belief that somehow we can beat the odds and that we won’t be caught out; that we will get away with it. Then when we get called to account we often momentarily promise ourselves that things will change but then the next time comes around. Putting a halt to this process requires honesty and responsibility which is something you have done James and it inspires me to dig a bit deeper in my own life for the areas where I might still be indulging in some ‘gambling’. Thank you.

I agree Helen, there are so many areas in our lives where we are in effect ‘gambling’ with. We can make billions of promises to ourselves only to find that we end up repeating the same ill behaviour. I have found no amount of words to myself can truly stop me doing anything. It has only been by living in a more loving way and making loving choices that has worked. So now the choice whether or not to make a destructive one, especially the more extreme ones does not come near me or at least is not given any airtime. And now what seems like a destructive choice is now something I would have considered a normal part of life a few years ago! It is a constant refinement the more and more loving we are with ourselves the more and more what is not loving in our lives stands out for us to look at and address.

I too have felt the effects of trying to ignore what I know and feel when I am choosing patterns of behaviour in an attempt to be stimulated, distracted or numbed away from the reality of what I know to be true deep down or what is happening around me. It just never works and only leads to more and more extreme attempts to achieve this to our own detriment. The simplicity of changing this is simply to accept what we feel and that there is no need to try to escape from this. Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine have inspired me to be able to do this from a foundation of loving choices too as he has for so many.

That is awesome to hear Michael. It makes such a huge difference when we ‘simply accept what we feel and that there is no need to escape from this’. Rather we should celebrate what we are feeling and not just rely on our eyes. The more we allow ourselves to feel the more understanding we get about what is going on around us and in the world and so the less reactive we become, meaning the less we try to shut down and close off from everyone and everything. It also means you start to take things a lot less personally, which for me is something I always used to do, and then blame myself even if I had zero control over the situation or outcome.

This blog should be published in every psychology magazine and pasted on health clinic walls – this is the medicine of the future being lived now through what Serge Benhayon has presented. Our health approach is generally still ‘disease’ focussed, and so strategies and treatment become about getting rid of gambling, when what your story clearly shows here James is how gambling wasn’t the problem, it was a strategy to not feel something deeper that you were experiencing. Building love and understanding in your life and through your choices feeling this in your body is indeed ‘Living Medicine’ – thank you for sharing such simple wisdom and moreso for choosing it so that you can be a living example for us all to feel and be inspired by.

Thank you Sarah, it is extremely simple and obvious medicine yet one we at large do not seem very good at or ignore. The problem, at least financially so, is that you cannot patent it nor does it involve taking any medicine except love! The beauty is that at a time when health care systems across the world are starting to buckle Universal Medicine has presented a way of living which makes us responsible and accountable for all of our choices and actions and so we actually end up being less of a burden on the health care system then we were before. So whilst the big pharmaceutical companies may lose out, governments balance their books and society wins because of the way we are all living and interacting, actually enjoying life and wanting to be here rather than constantly feeling down and exhausted, as I used to. You only have to have a look at the before and after photos of Universal Medicine students (http://www.universalmedicine.net/before–after.html) to see how much they have changed in a very short period of time, give us all another 10 years and wow – I’m looking forward to it!

The point you have made James that gambling wasnt the problem, but the underlying issue that you were trying not to feel was the reason you were gambling is to be acknowledged as it is pointless addressing the addiction without looking at the reason as to why one seeks comfort through vices or addictions

I agree Joe, it was one of the reasons I felt to write this as we are so quick to offer solutions or answers when faced with a problem or dilemma but rarely do we look at what caused us to make the choices which led to the problem/dilemma in the 1st place. It sounds obvious yet it is not something we are brought up to do. At least I certainly was not and it has only been through Universal Medicine that I seen the importance of this and so have made much more loving choices and then slowly but surely behaviors which have not been loving have started to drop away.

Addictions hold us in a level of tension with our body that we are not fully aware of until we are able to open up enough to step back and feel the tension the body is configured in. There are many behaviours and distractions we adopt in order to not feel what is truly going on in our body. A great article James.

I agree Linda, we do things to distract us from feeling what is going on with us and around us. But why? What is it that we are feeling that makes us want to not feel it? I personally have found the world not to live up to the picture I have had of how I want things to be and so instead of letting go of the the picture and forging forward a life of love, pre-Universal Medicine I would try to stop myself from feeling where people and the world was at because it appeared, at least from the way I saw it though my eyes, a seemingly helpless situation. However, when I read and look at the energy behind things it makes mores sense and because I have done this it is now my responsibility to live in another way which shows and inspires people that it is indeed possible to live in a truly loving way and it is not some far fetched fantasy or ideal. Sure it may not be quite like the picture I had but it feels so much more fulfilling.

Thank you Suse, the more people understand this as a fact the better we will all address what is happening in society and within our lives. We need to heal our hurts and not simply try to change our end behaviours without addressing what is causing them in the 1st place.

I enjoyed reading your thought provoking blog James. Although I know I have also made a lot of changes since being introduced to Universal Medicine, I know there are still many habits I have that are actually clear examples of living my life outside of the natural rhythm within me. The way they distract me away from knowing that I am actually love at my core is quite strategic. Yet, as you describe, these distractions are never enough to fill the gaps. What a life changer when we start to shift the power from our stubborn grip on our old ways and choose to look at and feel what lies underneath!

It sure is a life changer Helen. Something I love about Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon is that we are given all the tools and the realisation that we are already love and from love and so instead of arduously trying to get to love we instead simply need to return back to love, something we all know within us. We are also left to decide how quickly or slowly we take, our choice without any judgement or criticism.

‘Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling. ‘ I am realising more and more how vital it is to express and communicate our feelings. I have often held back in the past because my mind has already raced ahead and made assumptions about what will happen if I do ‘spill the beans’, that is to say how I feel. I doubt my ability to get what I really mean across to the other person and I begin to fear their response and already I have jumped into a world of make believe. Allowing myself to sit with my feelings and stay present with myself lets me make/take one tiny step at a time and stay with what is and my connection to that. This allows me to stay in my own rhythm which is also the rhythm of the Universe.

That is great Elaine. Expressing what we are feeling if only to ourselves is really important. Otherwise it is easy to get caught up in what our eyes see alone and so start blaming or criticising others instead of stopping to look at what our part is/was in the situation.

Thank you for sharing your story James. I have watched gambling take a strong hold over a senior member of my family and reading your story has helped to expand my understanding in a much broader light.

Thank you Tamara, gambling, like any addiction, can take such a powerful hold over someone. We all know it is bad and not healthy for us but we continue to deal so we have a distraction to not feel what is really going on for us. It makes no sense for some people who do not need any more money to effectively gamble away their entire life savings. Logic does not come into it. But when you delve deeper and read the energy it makes much more sense.

“…NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.”” This line struck me. Many of us still live under the illusion that ‘money buys freedom’, but when the truth of what James is saying here is felt, we soon realise that money in this sense has not only NOT bought freedom, it has in fact ‘purchased’ the complete opposite. We are deeply incarcerated by the lack of love we live, if we refuse to live the fullness of the love we are.

Thank you Liane, I agree there is the constant pursuit for more money but it does not change anything other than make you more comfortable. I am not saying money is evil but the way we strive for it and use it certainly does not always support a truly loving way of being.

‘We are deeply incarcerated by the lack of love we live, if we refuse to live the fullness of the love we are.’ I love this. It brings the responsibility right back to us and shows how by opening to the love that we are and allowing the expression of that love we grow in love. Simple.

It’s interesting, I would have not really thought of gambling as a means to hurt oneself. The pressures of money these days seems more so I guess when I really think about it, it’s a sure winner. It’s legal and mostly available 24/7.

It sure is Jaime. The whole energy around gambling does not feel very nice to me either. It is like wanting something for nothing, rather than actually having to work for it. It embellishes the fantasy of winning enough money to not be able to work etc.. I walked past a betting shop yesterday morning around 8.30am and there were a couple of people inside playing on the slot machines – it is crazy quite how addictive they can be. If we look at the facts with slot machines they are programmed to only pay out a certain amount so you over a period of time are guaranteed to lose.

Gambling , like any addiction, insidiously creates a neural freeway in your brain that becomes easier and easier to be on, we in fact it becomes the norm, irrespective of the devastating effects of this continued action. What is profound is that we can move off these deeply embedded pathways, and return to our true nature, which is a profound and beautiful connection with the divine, and this is the doorway that Universal Medicine opens for everyone.

Beautifully said Chris. I agree what is awesome is no matter how far we may have strayed, how much we may have indulged and lost all sense of reality, how completely given up we may have become with life, we can return, return back with more vigor and vitality than before, simply by returning to our natural loving way of being. Universal Medicine has been instrumental in helping not only myself but many thousands of others do the same thing.

I agree Kevin and I know how far and wide I have strayed and how much at times I quite literally turned my back on love and went the direct opposite way. Why? Because I wanted to prove that I could. Was I ever satisfied, no far from it. It is only now that I have come back to living more lovingly that I am content with myself. Before I was always needing and wanting more never being satisfied let alone content within myself.

“I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life. Whilst I may dip into, get caught in ‘my stuff’ and feel down, now these downs cannot hold me and do not take over my life as they used to.” I can completely relate to this, life is very much about refinement and unfolding of love, love with self and with others. No longer do my ups and downs have more control over me, I am so much aware when I am feeling down and I am able to support myself to work through it.

I can really relate to what you said about not being judged as being huge. A few years ago I don’t think I could have believed it was really possible to not judge others as i thought it was a natural thing that we all did whether we were open about it or not. But now I am learning that the reason i felt like that was because I have always been very judgmental over myself first, and then as a result to other people around me as well. However, since being a student of Universal Medicine that judgment has eased considerably. I am much more accepting, loving and appreciative of myself, which filters out to other around me. And I now see being judgmental as a type of abuse. So when I catch myself judging myself or others, I cut the thought knowing it is not coming from the true me and just let it go.

Addictions are so much more prevalent than we would like to admit. For example over the last few months I have been realizing how much I am addicted to eating. I generally only eat very healthy foods, but have a problem with how much I eat and when I start it can be difficult to stop at times. And its not just eating, but keeping my mouth occupied, which could be with gum, or drinking tea, or just chewing on a tooth pick. And we can be addicted to the most normal kinds of things like thinking, exercise, or any general checking out activity. All created by ourselves to not feel the emptiness inside.

I agree Eleanor addictions are huge. For me addictions are simply a way of distracting myself from not feeling what is going on for me or around me. It is a way to suppress what I am feeling and effectively bury it so I do not have to face it. I find I then need to keep repeating the behaviour so what I have not wanted to feel or admit does not come up to the surface for me to feel or see again.It is a crazy unrelenting cycle we can so easily get ourselves in.

“Gambling was…. the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” James, this is a great insight and it applies to many things we are ‘addicted’ to. If we try to give them up before dealing with our hurts we will either substitute it with another addiction or find ourselves going back to it, as you did. Lovely to read how you were able to fill the emptiness by connecting to the love within you. Feeling that is so full-filling that there is no way we would need any substitute for love.

Hear Hear Sandra and James, when I think back to when I was smoking lots I know one of the real causes was because I was lacking self love and understanding towards myself. When we deal with that empty feeling within and stop feeding it with gambling, drugs etc, although it can be challenging at the time it is the only way we can go if we truly want to heal any addictions.

‘Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.- Great to speak about this James, there are so many vices that are used to numb the effects of living in a way that does not support what the body needs.

Thanks Katie, Gambling is simply one of the many vices I used to not address or look at the way I was living. It was a great tool to momentarily escape from life, but that is all it was, a momentary escape and it would leave my body depleted and exhausted.

This is wonderful James because nowhere in this world has it been said this way. So often we look at the end result and try to fix that and for many the gambling has been seen as the issue, but rarely is the emptiness and pain underneath in the person and their way of living seen, truly heard and understood.

Thank you Joshua, so often we distract and punish ourselves with trying to fix the end outplay of events rather than addressing or looking at the underlying cause. Nobody who is love harms themselves in any way, so essentially to harm yourself you are not being love and so not being yourself. Thus you need to return to being yourself, to being love rather than simply stopping the ill behaviour(s) that are simply an outplay of not being yourself. ie, return back to love and the rest takes care of itself, try to simply deal with the outplay and all that happens is the picture changes but you are kept away from the love that you are, so nothing changes.

I read today there are now more than 500,000 problem gamblers in Britain and that GPs are being forced to prescribe anti-addiction drugs to wean gamblers off betting. I would love to give all those people a copy of this article as it looks at the root course of the problem and unless this is felt then no matter how many anti – addiction drugs are used it will never truly deal with the issue.

Wow Samantha, that is a scary statistic but probably nowhere near the actual number. Again all the focus is put on dealing with the symptom but the root cause is not considered and so peoples focus will be weaned off gambling only to find something else to distract themselves with.

Thank you James for sharing the inward journey of re-connecting with you. This blog will be an amazing support for others who are caught in this painful cycle. It offers a choice about how to break this cycle and the celebration of what life can be like when the distraction is removed and all that is there to be exposes is known.

This sounds like my relationships with TV “It was blatantly clear that I would get caught up in it and lose all sense of reality and then feel really crap afterwards. ” As you say gambling is the end result and like my TV watching habit it came from underlying issues. Why do we use this habits? Are we attempting to ignore who we truly are, bury hurts rather than learn to honour, love and care for ourselves…When we get to the root of this we can let go of these habits with no struggle, this is true of anything that we feel does not support us.

It is true of anything that does not support us Samantha, at least that is what I have found. If I try stopping something I find it hard yet when I start being more loving, delicate and tender with myself the behaviours which are unloving drop off with ease. It goes to show how much we love dramas as really we are only creating them to then get caught up in so we can be identified by them rather than simply living the love that we are and thus having no issues to deal with, but then what would we be left with…lots of time to give back to humanity and inspire others to return to the love that they also are.

I think many people could relate to what you are sharing here James as we have all used something to distract ourselves away from feeling the pain of not accepting ourselves in full. The responsibility behind the self acceptance is huge and most people turn away when they catch glimpses of themselves and their power and work even harder on their ‘investments’. As you have shown James – there is a richer life available for all of us when we stop running away.

There sure is ‘a richer life available for all of us when we stop running away’. We quite literally have everything we could ever dream of and wish for with us yet so often cannot see it because we get blinded by the pictures and images of how we want things to be like. We all crave love yet we all are love and so it is is illogical to seek something outside of ourselves which we already are.

James – you share here how gambling was never the problem but rather the end result of your rhythm and how you were living. So often today people focus on the behaviours – drinking, gambling, abuse ect. without considering that these are as you say – an end result of every choice leading up to this.
but perhaps our focus needs to be on what is behind these behaviours and choices, what pushes us to do things that are not loving and what are we avoiding? If we look at things this way, then we can address issues, hurts and any untruths well before they become a behaviour.

I agree Hannah, it is a change in the way we view our symptoms and behaviours, by seeing them as an out play of events and not the problem we can then not blame ourselves and address at the underlying hurt or issue which then led to the out play of events. It makes sense but requires us to take responsibility for all of our choices and actions, something not everybody is willing to do.

Humans have an extraordinary propensity for addiction, habits, and patterns, and they are layer upon layer within us. Once we break the obvious habits, the visibly destructive ones, then we have the opportunity to start to expose within ourselves the more seditious ones that have been even more destructive and that are like a plague within our society.

And it is these layers, Chris, which are the ones which hold us back the most. The obvious ones are out there easy to see but the hidden ones are the silent killers and silent destroyers of lives. You only have to look at the alarmingly high level of suicides on a daily basis around the world to see how much people are keeping to themselves and deeply hurting.

James your blog is one of those that many of us would find inspirational. Seems to come back to how we care for ourselves every time and always will. Gambling is such a huge issue for so many in this world today, obviously showing us our emptiness.

Very true Roslyn, any problem or issue we face ‘seems to come back to how we care for ourselves every time and always will’. We can tackle things head on but that does not get us anywhere other than a momentary sense of achievement for over coming something, something we put there in the 1st place. Universal Medicine has shown that true medicine starts with the way we are with ourselves and the way we live. The more we place importance on this the less need we will have to distract ourselves away from life.

We go to extraordinary lengths to ‘not feel’ and numb ourselves from feeling. In your words James “I was creating more pain to not feel the pain” when we are beings, human beings that are all feeling all sensing and our awareness may be blinkered at times but always the truth is felt within. It’s just breaking those long held patterns of behaviour/habits. For many like yourself James the light and inspiration to make those changes back to self-loving ones came in the form of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. For that I too like you and many, many others offer deep heartfelt appreciation. Thank you for sharing your amazing journey James.

Thank you Marion. We are all deeply sensitive beings and as you say ‘always the truth is felt within’. No matter how hard we try to numb or suppress what we are feeling it will never go away – why because we are from truth, from love. The particles in our bodies are constantly calling us back and so to resist it we have to dig our heels in by whatever way we can. For me this was gambling, distractions in tv, food, emotions etc.. the list is almost endless – I tried pretty much everything to keep myself away from being the love that I am. It sounds crazy yet is a game many of us are of have been major players in.

How often does it occur that we add more pain to not feel the initial pain? This is a huge understanding and touches on a widespread phenomenon related to human suffering, where we even justify adding pain. The whole image around if it hurts it must be good for you is one aspect of this. One example which is very much an established norm is how people want more pressure in massage, so something will override the tension they already feel in their bodies. Yet despite the temporary relief it does nothing to address the underlying cause of the tension. This being a less extreme version that what is presented in this blog, it exposes how often the short lived relief is the choice over true healing and thus exposes the so called intelligence we champion as a race.

I love returning to this blog and seeing everyone’s responses to it. It still surprises me how much we can create issues or problems so we then have something to deal with. Whereas if we truly stopped we would see that we have everything, absolutely everything we could ever dream, wish for or desire within us. We have access to the universe if we allow it. It is not something we go to but rather surrender to and allow.

James, it is clear that life’s answers to everything is to be loving towards yourself and to build that love into a solid foundation that no-one or thing can shift. Instead of going into battle with what does not feel right or true in our lives all we need to do is focus on love and loving ourselves and others and God’s Plan unfolds naturally from there.

A truly inspirational account that shows just how possible it is to stop a cycle of long-term, seemingly relentless disregard when we begin to make loving choices about the way we’re not only living our lives but also the way we’re treating ourselves.

I am sure people suffering from gambling addictions would really benefit from this article. I myself have never been a gambler, my nerves couldn’t handle it, I would get too scared that I would loose hard earned money… Even buying a lotto ticket I feel like I am throwing my money down the sink. Of course as you share though, it’s not about the gambling, that’s just the end result, I have had many other end results that are very similar to what you have shared.

The “never again” talks that I had with myself. The shame. And yet I would do it again and again. Without a nurtured and deep self-love and appreciation the bucket will always have holes in it and the “never again” messages just drain away and the patterns return. Gigantic thanks to Serge Benhayon for showing me the path to self-love. The “never agains” haven’t all entirely gone. But boy-oh-boy does the bucket have so many less holes in it.

Every now and then I am still tempted to buy a lottery card, what has become clear though when I do, I am actually linking into a collective consciousness that is all about desperation and hope, and if everything is energy which it is, this can not be any good for me or society.

Whether it’s gambling, smoking, drinking, there are an endless series of activities within which think they can “ get away with it” I mean really so many… Nothing is we actually can’t get away with anything extraordinary though that may be to contemplate …Everything counts.

Being open for me used to mean that I didn’t hide anything and was open to receiving whatever presented itself, now it means being honest, and allowing deeper levels of honesty and discerning the energy that is presented to me. It means expressing how I feel without criticism or judgement. but with true love and a deep care that has no emotion in it whatsoever.

Gambling is so very destructive both to yourself and to those you live with. It has a very strong engulfing consciousness that when you allow it in takes over your life and you lose all sense of reality. Life becomes like a tunnel vision with no real purpose. What I find fascinating is how we can look at things like gambling as an innocent game of cards and ignore what is actually going on in our bodies. No one in their right mind would ever gamble so what do we let in that overrides our true sense? What do we let possess us? and why? What hurts are we not wanting to deal with that somehow dissipate when we gamble? And do they really go or do we just bury them? The key is to remember that the choice we had was to choose the energy and then the consequences are not up to us. One of the many lessons I have learnt is that you cannot just ask for one little thing without getting the whole consequence, even if you would never have imagined quite how bad that would be. It is effectively like making a deal with another one going on below the table that you are unaware of, and the under the table deal is the one that really crushes you.

Shows the power of not judging someone for their actions and instead seeing and holding them for who they really are. Even when we are our harshest judge the fact that someone can still hold us is love is MASSIVE and an opportunity for true healing

I so enjoyed reading your blog James, I very much appreciated your honesty, level of self awareness and responsibility and your wisdom.
“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling”.
If not gambling we all have our ways and means of numbing and suppressing; thank you James for inspiring us to live in true rhythm and connection.

Thank you James for giving me an insight into what comes over people when they gamble and get addicted to it.
Great to see how you overcame this by taking responsibility and dealing with your inner hurts.
You are a great reflection showing others that it can be overcome and support is available.

Wow James what an amazing turnaround you have had, gambling is such an insidious and harming addiction and can cause many problems within your relationships. This is very inspiring for anyone struggling with any addiction and how we can support ourselves to let go of these addictions that often feel like we are owned by them through choosing to be responsible and deal with our hurts we can then begin to make loving choices that free us from addiction.

Interesting how we all have a weak spot that is designed for our own particular set of circumstances. For you it was the gambling, others it will be drugs or alcohol, and others again it might be gossip or failure. These weaknesses are specifically designed and configured to match the particular way in which we feel an emptiness inside… and while they may all look different, they are all simply stopping us from taking responsibility for the fact that we are glorious inside if we but live it.

I’m sure there are many in this world, who if they acknowledge the issues in their lives that have been driving them in one way or another, can honestly say “ I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!” It is staggering as humans how we use all sorts of distractions, from alcohol to television, drugs to extreme sport, to numb ourselves to stop feeling whatever uncomfortable-ness is playing out in our bodies, and in the process we create even more of a problem. When you think about it, it is such a crazy way to live, but we do, being somehow able to throw out all available commonsense and instead subject ourselves to distraction after distraction, instead of stopping and asking the most important question – why do I need to numb myself in the first place?

James it is crazy that we create more pain to not feel current pain – this is such a vicious cycle that we can get carried away with and it is great to be able to observe this behaviour within ourselves and actually look at what we are not wanting to deal with.

It is crazy Hannah. It is like at 1st we have a clear and obvious choice and then slowly we get nudged further and further away until we are doing completely crazy out of character things, and often for no real reason apart from self-destruction!

Something I am learning and seeing more and more is that when we choose something like gambling, or anything that distracts and numbs us not only does it affect our body but it also affects those around us. We give the energy an entry point to those around us, to those we love – this is one of the worst feelings of all. And then because we have used the energy, when we say no to it – it is not that simple – it says you have used me so now it’s pay back time. So we think we can get away with something but it actually affects us for much longer than we care to realise or think about.

Gambling is such a huge issue in Australia, as you say James, it affects not only the person who is gambling, it has a direct impact on those around them in sometimes very detrimental ways. It really is a distraction away from so many things in life, that we may not want to feel.

It is amazing the effect our behaviours and actions have on others. We think we can destroy or harm ourselves but we are also harming those closest to us, those who we hold and love dearly. So what right do we have to abuse ourselves. Everything we do, even the way we get out of bed affects everybody else – ultimately with each movement we are either asking people to be more of the love we all are or we are asking them to be less. It is a massive responsibility but one we are being asked to step up to.

‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ Weather we use gambling, drugs, alcohol, or simply an inner criticism and beating ourselves up inwardly its not the main problem just a result of it. As you so beautifully share James gambling was, ‘ the end result of living out of rhythm with myself.’ This could be said of every single mechanism we turn to, to numb and suppress the fact that we are living contra to our natural way of being which we deeply, deeply miss.

The key as you have highlighted is to live in a loving and supportive rhythm and anything which does not fit in needs to be looked at and addressed. Leaving things to the side, turning a blind eye or ignoring them does not work – for they will only come up with more venom later on. Nothing is worth keeping hidden.

What amazing honesty James, especially “I had a huge arrogance and wanted to think that I could get away with it, that I could ‘beat the system’ – a metaphor for ‘I could beat life’.” The fact that we can have an arrogance around our own behaviours when we don’t really want to get real with what is actually going on.

It is amazing how we think or believe we can get away with things. When in truth we cannot. It is like saying it is ok to drink a little bit of poison because I can handle it, forgetting that the poison then has to be filtered through the body and so will affect it for a while afterwards. When we say yes to something like gambling we are saying yes to much more than just the gambling, we are saying yes to everything that it is and is associated with it and so have to feel the effects of all of that as well.

Yesterday in the media there was reports of a high profile court case, where a best man had used money given for a weekend stag do to feed his gambling habit leaving the men out of pocket and nothing booked. The story very much focused on the wrong doing of the best man and yes for sure he needs to take responsibility for his actions but a bigger picture here is being lost. Gambling addiction like any another form of addiction is a cry for help,

Gambling is a cry for help just like any other addiction – the problem is it also comes with a giving up on life, it says I cannot cope with the cards I have been dealt (pun intended!) and so want better ones but rather than change the way you are living, it is saying I want it without doing anything else, so whilst you may get the right cards and even win money – what it comes with is very destructive and has torn apart countless families and lifes. We need to be honest with how we are feeling and living and not get anywhere near the stage where we would go and gamble.

‘NOTHING I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.” This is something that comes not only with gambling but many things that we need to have much more of an understanding of.

I agree Vicky, it definitely needs to be looked at. So often we think we can just have a slice of the cake but in effect are getting the whole. We cannot just isolate parts and pick and choose – when we say yes to something we say yes to it in its entirety.

Any destructive behaviours we have affect others as well as us and even when we think we win, we actually loose, as you share here, nothing you bought with the money won felt yours, and in truth it wasn’t. You also highlight something I’ve not always considered there is a price to pay when we make a deal with the devil so to speak, so when we engage with an energy like this, it calls it’s due and we pay, and so no we most definitely do not get away with it. A great reminder.

I fully agree, ‘Any destructive behaviours we have affect others as well as us’ – so often we think it is just us we are hurting but that is definitely not the case. The more we see this the more we will realise we have a responsibility to live the love we are.

I love what you shared about gambling not actually being the problem but rather the end result of you living not in connection with you and as a result out of rhythm with yourself and your true expression. This is a profound awareness to come to and I would say lies at the heart of all ‘problems’ we face in life.

It sure does Samantha, everything comes back to the way we choose to live our lives. If we are in a loving rhythm then we are naturally impulsed to look after ourselves and those around us. Whereas when we start to disregard ourselves then we are drawn to disregarding behaviours and actions – essentially like attracts like and so it is up to us to choose the energy and the rest takes care of itself.

‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ Coming to this realisation and awareness is the first step to looking at the hurt underneath the behaviour, letting it go and coming back into a rhythm of love.

It is interesting what you share about the money you won in gambling, that it felt like it owned you.
From the understanding that everything is energy, this is fascinating as it shows that everything is indeed energy and money is not just money but comes with an energy too.

I know men who have literally lost everything through gambling. Everything. But, the key as you say James is not to look at the ‘addiction’ but at the root cause behind it all. Until that is addressed nothing will truly change – even if, on the surface, the actual gambling has stopped. This is the gold of Universal Medicine. The depths to which it goes. Where most gambling support groups would just target the arresting of the behaviour as a positive result, Universal Medicine invites us stop look deeper, to address and heal the hurt/issue that got us the gambling table in the first place. This is true, forever support that actually evolves us.

Well said Otto. Unless we fully deal with our underlying hurts/issues which 1st lead to the behaviour it will either eventually return when things get too much and we cave in or we will seek something else.

‘I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!’ Perfectly said. This reminds me of all the times I have chosen to wallow in misery further indulging in the pain of life. It is without a single doubt, the most counter productive way of coping, yet, because it’s familiar, we choose it until one day we realise, it’s not working and there has to be another way.

Amazing James! I especially love the very clear point, that gambling itself was never the problem, but rather the end result of a lack of love and appreciation for yourself, the most vital ingredients to assisting us in choosing joy and openess as opposed to protection and misery.

It is amazing how we can substitute ‘gambling’ with any other form of distraction – whether it be food, tv, internet, etc. the list is endless – the problem lies with the fact that we are creating something to not feel something else and so our behaviours have to get more extreme to cover up what we are trying to not feel. So something minor suddenly escalates into something seemingly impossible to overcome. Yet if we have stopped and not sought the distraction in the 1st place we could have easily dealt with it!

It strikes me that gambling is one of those things people can define as an addiction. But it is merely their momentum of choosing to check out. It is only when there is a self awareness that they are checking out that it can begin to change. And when self-love is introduced, all can be there to be seen.

For the last 11 years, I too have been “steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus”, and it has astounded me how emotions that often used to take me over, and old patterns that created a feeling of being stuck, have begun to naturally dissolve. In fact at times I have been so surprised when I suddenly realise that I have released some destructive behaviours without even realising it at the time. Building this foundation of love is a commitment that it so easy to make as I know how amazing the results have been so far, and as it is a loving work in progress, I know that there is much more to come.

Well said Ingrid and crucial we do not just compare where we were to where we are now as being better because there is an eternal well of love where we can forever go deeper within ourselves. Better is a killer as it says I am ok where I am even though I am miles away from the love I am.

This sentence says so much.
“Whilst I may dip into, get caught in ‘my stuff’ and feel down, now these downs cannot hold me and do not take over my life as they used to.
It is like learning to walk all over again, as we experience ‘our stuff’ as a falseness that can be gripping and seem to be true, yet from our essence, we know holds no truth.

‘Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.’ – what is said here is big …. the vice we use is not the core problem or issue but a symptom from the behaviors that stem from an avoidance of dealing/healing the core issue at hand. All issues trace back to the soul presenting an opportunity to be love, be that via healing our hurts, living with more understanding and deeper awareness.

It is a point we need to take note of as it is so easy to then go into trying to fix the issue we created, say the gambling, without actually looking at what took us there in the 1st place. If we do not fully do that and heal what lead to it the pattern or behaviour will either come back or something else will play out.

“I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!.” Seeing through the set up and illusion to realise this is powerful. So often solutions are sought, to try to fix the problem, which then transfers to another ‘problem’. Witness cigarette smokers who then eat a lot to cover up their pain. To get to the root cause and heal that – all the while coming back to love – is the way through for many of us who have ‘issues’ be they gambling, drinking, drugs or other so-called ‘vices’. Thankyou for sharing James.

Hello James and great to learn more about you, “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself.” So gambling was the cover for this and I find that very interesting. So giving up the gambling is seen as the outcome but in fact your saying it’s not to do with giving up the gambling. Simply get yourself back into your rhythm and there would be no need for the gambling? So you don’t actually give something up at all, more you make a change with how you are with yourself and through this change some things no longer fit. This is a pretty amazing blog for what you are offering gives us a deep insight into addictions and what they’re about. If you are having a problem with a vice then instead of just treating or looking at the vice also have a look at how you live, how you are with yourself, your true quality of life. As you are saying here James your focus or dedication was about love first and through this many things change and fell away. Where as when the focus is on you ‘giving up something’ you are always looking to fill that void. Deal with the underlying issue as well and then you fill the void without giving something up, it looks like a completely different way to see things, thank you.

Well said Ray and spot on. Gambling was and has never been the issue, for example it was never about the money but rather the emptiness I felt within that I wanted to fill, I did not want to actually look at and deal with the hurts I was carrying – so to not feel them and distract myself; something like gambling was one of the most destructive and numbing things I could find to do. For me it all starts with a lack of expressing my truth and what I feel, things then bubble up inside and sooner or later they have to explode in some form. My vice may be gambling, others may be alcohol – there is no difference just a different outlet. The key is then not to try to simply remove that outlet but rather address why you have sought it in the 1st place, only then will you remove the propensity for it. And something we tend to forget or ignore is that just because we have said no to it it has an entry point an opening to come back at some point in the future, often when we least expect it, and so it is important we continue to make the loving dedication to living a life of love, otherwise it can and will hook us back in.

What revealing story. Thanks for being so honest and transparent James. But as a gambling is more judged, it is not different than watching television or (over) eating what many people to suppress what they are feeling. All ways we developed to not feel how awful we feel about the life we are living and the stress, and the several feelings of discomfort this is causing in our bodies.

Exactly Willem. there is no difference whatever we choose to use to numb and distract ourselves with. Yes some may be more destructive than others but ultimately we are escaping from the reality of life and our choices and not wanting to take full responsibility for our choices.

I love how you admit that even when you won at the casino, the money was not ever able to buy you stuff that truly felt good long term, it seems that it just prolonged the misery you were in, which is so different to what we perceive such ‘wins’ to be able to do for us. A great lesson, and thanks for the honesty James.

Thanks Felicity it is fascinating how when we get something that we have not felt was true or loving then everything we do with it is tainted. The more I see everything as energy 1st and physicality second the more this makes sense to me. So we are only fooling ourselves thinking we can get away with something when in truth if we fully take the energy into account we cannot.

The antidote for depression as I see it from your blog James lies in caring for ourselves and not putting the focus outside ourselves. We are with ourselves 24/7 and by more and more constantly bringing the focus home and the love and concern to our bodies and ourselves we can build a relationship that lasts. We can begin to appreciate ourselves.

There are so many differing things we can do to mask our true nature and our true feelings, I know I have tried many! When we express who we truly are and what we truly feel we find we do not need substitutes.

Great point here that ill-gotten gains are always tainted, and all that you do with it, whereas money earned in an honest way with integrity feels totally different. They same goes with a transaction, the whole thing has an energy that can stay with that item. A lovely experience in a shop can be felt a long time later.

Gambling definitely has a feel to it. I remember a patient once giving me a “sure bet” to take to the bookies across the road, but I just did not want to be a part of that energy, I didn’t want that winnings as I could feel what it would be like, whatever would I do with it anyway feeling so awful? Yet I found myself apologising for feeling this.
There have been times in my life which some people might call a gamble, but really there can also be a ‘sure knowing’ of something that feels absolutely true, deeply so that was worth pursuing. Not everyone chooses to see those though, and thats there choice of course.