Most of it has to do with this girl I like. I am EXTREMELY sad about the fact that I never see her anymore and I am EXTREMELY sad because I am thinking about things like, all the good times I had with her in school, and how I never get to see her anymore. And how I never have times like that anymore, especially with her, and it’s causing me EXTREME emotional pain.

I just turned 21 on April 5. Ever since junior year of high school, i have had the STRONGEST feelings for this person. So what I’m basically saying is that I have had this obsession for the last 4.5 years.

I have had this obsession ever since I knew her which I am about to explain.

The thing about this person is; she has the MOST AMAZINF PERSONALITY I have literally EVER seen. Because if this, I have had this obsession for the last 4.5 years. The obsession is that I wish I could literally PHYSICALLY BE HER. Now before you tell me that it’s impossible, I’m well aware. You don’t need to tell me that.
I have had this thought ever since junior year of high school, and ever since, it has been bothering ne more than EVER!!!!!!
This is NOT a thought that passes. This is a thought I have had almost every day for the last 4.5 years. In my junior year of high school, I don’t think there was a single day where I didn’t think about this whole thing. I’m not saying meeting this person was a bad thing, but ever since I did, it has made that ENTIRE year possibly the craziest year I have ever had in my entire life. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN THE FEELINGS THIS HAS CAUSED ME AND STILL CAUSES ME. AND HOW MUCH IT HAS CHANGED SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS ABOUT MY LIFE.

But the part that bothers me the most is how I could never physically be her. And I’m about to explain why.

This person, basically has the most amazing personality I have ever seen. I have NEVER seen someone who has a personality like her. It is TRULY UNIQUE.
Now, you’re probably going to ask me, what are some characteristics of her personality? Well here’s how I would answer that question: there are no NORMAL/GENERAL personality characteristics that I can explain that I admire about her. It’s her personality, things like the way she behaves and thinks and stuff like that. To understand this, you would have to know this person VERY well, like I do, and you’d have to truly have a general understanding of what she’s like to be able to understand this.

I CANT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW BADLY I WISH I COULD BE THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But this has been bothering me for YEARS and lately the thought of this has been SO STRONG. Even though the thought of wanting to physically be her is ABSOLUTELY bothering me, I have other painful thoughts about her too, like not being able to see her anymore, and thinking about all the memories I have had with her in school. And for the last two hours it has been causing me EXTREME pain, and still is. I just CANT HANDLE all these painful thoughts/memories I am getting about this person. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW AWKWARD THIS WHOLE THING HAS MADE ME FEEL ALL THESE YEARS. I need you guys to do ANYTHING nice, or anything that can help me through this because it’s EXTREMELY PAINFUL.

Lately I have been waking up every morning, and this has been causing me a TON of pain, and for the last two hours I just HAVENT been able to deal with it.

2 Comments

Um, wow. First of all take a breath. Okay, so you want to be this girl because she has an amazing/unique personality, so why not retain the traits you love about her and implement them into your own personality? Wanting to be someone else isn’t unhealthy because like you said it isn’t possible and if that obsession takes a turn for the worse it’ll land you in loony, psychotic fantasy land. Not good. The best you can do is become a unique individual that you love, perhaps with qualities derived from her, but with your own idiosyncrasies. You need to build your own identity otherwise you won’t have a stable, genuine identity. The brain has a way of recognizing falsehoods such as pretending to be something that you aren’t, almost akin to your body physically rejecting incompatible blood or donated tissue. If the traits you love about her occur naturally in yourself then it will be easy to adopt them. If they don’t then you need to learn to love who you are and come to terms with yourself. There are a variety of roles people play in life and most are lovable or endearing in their own way. The jokester, the artist, the intellect, the entertainer, the caregiver etc. and you should learn to recognize and love whatever you are.

Also, you should see a therapist if this obsession is impinging on your quality of life or giving you ideas that jeopardize the safety of others. Just saying.

I don’t know how to explain this. There is nothing I could really to do be like her. Let me explain it this way.
Sometimes, you have to be BORN with a certain personality. And the way I see it, if you aren’t, then sometimes there’s just nothing you can do to be like that person. That’s kind of the situation I’m in. I don’t know what you’re going to say to this, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love myself like you said, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over this problem. I appreciate you trying to help me, but sometimes nothing is enough. Also, I have spoken to many people about this, including my therapist, but the thing is, it just has t been enough.