Guidelines
for Enlightenment

by
Swami
Beyondananda

1. Be a fundamentalist, make sure Fun always comes before
the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be
cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day and
that will insure 'regularhilarity.'

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special
gift — just for entering. So you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to
develop.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy
thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a
condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And
when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
Absurdiveness Training Class: "Don't get even, get odd."

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments
and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me.
That way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with
each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the
peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When
you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad news is — there is no key to the
Universe. The good news is — it has been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That
way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is
not a bureaucracy. You don't have to go through channels.

Get InnerSelf Weekly Updates

Hear the Swami’s wisdom with your own ears --
just click onto
www.beyondananda.com. To find out more about Swami’s products and
appearances on the "outernet", call 1-800-SWAMI-BE.

Swami’s Love and
Laughter Special.

Says the
Swami: "Many people have found themselves challenged by the recent economic
downturn, and some have even had 'near-debt experiences.’" Well, to paraphrase
those 60s icons, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, "Laughter will get you
through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no
laughter." To help you wake up laughing ... and leave laughter in your wake, the
Swami has put together a special package including his hilarious book on healing
laughter, Duck Soup for the Soul, his latest audio cassette, Beyondananda and
Beyond: Two Takes on Healing Laughter, and his latest music and comedy CD, Drive
Your Karma, Curb Your Dogma, a $38 value for just $29.77 + 4.23 shipping. Not
only that, but act right now and receive online Swami's Joke-A-Week (Zen Cohens
from Harry Cohen Baba) for ten weeks. To order, call Swami's hot line
1-800-SWAMI-BE or visit
www.wakeuplaughing.com

If you enjoyed this column, you'll love "Duck Soup for the Soul: The Way Of Living Louder And
Laughing Longer".To
order this book.

Another Swami book:
"Driving Your Own Karma; Swami Beyondananda's Tour Guide to
Enlightenment".To
order this book.