Jennifer Aniston used the word "retard" on Live with Regis and Kelly: "You're playing dress up!" Regis Philbin cooed. "Yes, I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!" Jennifer Aniston responded. The worst part is, the sentence doesn't even make sense. If you're going to offend, at least do so with aplomb, because your offensive comment will be repeated a million times, while everyone takes turns telling you why it was a bad idea. Hopefully Sarah Palin takes a crack at her, to heighten the irony of defending Dr. Laura for using the n-word. [Us, image via Bauer-Griffin]

Miranda Kerr confirms that she was pregnant when she married Orlando Bloom: "Yes, I am pregnant. Four months along." Skinniest pregnant lady ever. [People]

Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene went on a date at Coney Island and displayed public affection. Twitter instantly exploded and a thousand grainy cellphone pictures flooded the internet. "Jashley is real!" Does this mean Ashley is saving it for marriage, too? [OceanUp]

A Hamptons jitney left Countess LuAnn DeLesseps stranded in the Upper East Side, even though she specifically told the driver not to depart New York until she got back from buying coffee. Luckily, since she's loaded, she was able to jump on a different bus; that bus's driver radioed the other bus's driver, and "deliver[ed]" the stray passenger. [P6]

After confirming that she's dating Jesse James (then deleting the tweet where she confirmed it) Kat Von D did a radio interview where she said she's "got a lot of respect" for how Jesse "handled" his "mistake." She's known him for years, and laments her Twitter fans' "false sense of entitlement" to nose into her personal life. [KROQ]

Speaking of Jesse James, after his split with Sandra he started selling shit on eBay. He's made over $100,000. He sold a soap on a rope for $76.75. [Radar]

Lindsay Lohan has been "weaned off" all of her perscription medications, and her doctors apparently think she isn't an addict or a nutcase, at all. Hooray, the ruined princess of Disney is saved! [TMZ]

"Where are my boobs?" asked Mila Kunis, who had misplaced her breasts. Okay, just kidding, it was part of a rhetorical rumor denial: "If I were going to get plastic surgery, I'd get some real work done." [ShowBizSpy]

Mel Gibson sends $7.2 million every year on living expenses, according to his lawyers, who are still fighting Oksana Grigorieva's custody demands. She is entitled to less than 1 percent of Mel's annual spending, they say. [Radar]

Madonna just launched her Material Girl tween clothing line, but apaprently someone else has been making Material Girls clothes since 1997, and is now suing Madonna, even though she invented that phrase in 1985. She should sue them. [TMZ]

Spencer Pratt is writing a tell-all book about his relationship with Heidi Montag: "My last book, How to be Famous, didn't make the New York Times bestseller list because it was in the self-help section. This one is going to be totally different. I'm not holding anything back." Heidi's response: "This is exactly why I left him. Right now I'm looking into my legal options." So, this whole Speidi divorce thing is actually real, huh? [Us, TMZ]

A plague of chicken pox has struck twelve Duggar children all at the same time. Frogs next, then locusts, then the murder of first-born sons. Joshua James Duggar: Look out. [Radar]