June 9, 2015

... Click here now to enter for a chance to exercise your 2nd Amendment rights and come shooting with me... After you've entered, make a generous Shoot With Ted contribution of $35, $50, $100 or more to my campaign. Together we can reignite the promise of America and bring true, conservative leadership to the White House....

There are people in this world who can write emails like that without the self-hatred that goes hand-in-hand with life destroying alcoholism and I sincerely hope that scientists are studying those people so that some day they can synthesize in the laboratory the brain chemicals that make it possible.

Or maybe it's done like in the Monty Python "killer joke" bit where they used multiple guys to translate the joke into German so no one guy read the whole thing but then one guy saw too much of it and ended up in the hospital.

I am leaving the apartment of the Neo-Nazi Girlfriend who Is Not My Girlfriend -- after the obligatory after-Denny's sex -- when I again run into her downstairs roommate, F-Ready.

"I was just thinking," F-Ready says, eating a Twizzler.

"Yeah?"

"Do you own a gun?"

"No..."

"Because I think you need to own a gun."

"I think I'm OK..."

"Bro, ALL white men should have a gun," he says sharply, swigging from his can of Steel Reserve. "For when the shit goes down. For instance: what happens if your girl needs protecting?"

"Protecting?"

"Protecting, Bro. Doesn't have to be from only Black Men, you know. Though they DO want her ass. But there are Asians, Mexicans: a lot of trouble out there for a blonde blue-eyed white woman. Even dumb punk-ass white boys."

"Dumb punk-ass white boys," I repeat.

"Thinking they all gangsta and shit. What are you going to do, tell them to stop? Ask for them to wait a minute while you call the cops?"

"I think it might be easier to just avoid trouble in the first place..."

"Avoid trouble? You don't avoid trouble, trouble has a hard-on for YOU. Trouble will fuck you in the ass, Bro."

"OK..."

"Do you want to be ass-fucked by Trouble?"

"No...I don't think I want to be ass-fucked by Trouble..."

"Then you need a gun. I can get you one."

"That's awfully nice of you..."

"Nice ain't shit, bro. If any harm came to Our Girl and I found out that you just let it go down..."

"That wouldn't be good..."

"You don't want to be sitting at home hoping someone finds your balls and are kind enough to mail them back to you..."

"My balls?"

"That wouldn't be the worst of it, believe me."

"I believe you."

"Glad that. Now how about you and me head down to the Seven-Eleven and get more Steel Reserve and Twizzlers."

Why don't you write about what's important "law prof"? Cruz was born in Canada and had Canadian citizenship until only recently. He is not a natural born Citizen, eligible to be POTUS. Even the State dept. doubts his eligibility, even as they at the same time say "Citizens at Birth" (granted US Citizenship by 9 US Code 1401) are "not naturalized" . So why do they have doubts about Cruz?

"7 FAM 1131.6-2 Eligibility for Presidency(TL:CON-68; 04-01-1998)a. It has never been determined definitively by a court whether a person who acquired U.S. citizenship by birth abroad to U.S. citizens is a natural-born citizen within the meaning of Article II of the Constitution and, therefore, eligible for the Presidency".