Tag Archives: Thoughts While On A Date

You’ve been seated at your table, and are waiting for your date to show up. Unless you are the debonair, enigmatic gentleman that we all crave to be, your mind’s going to be a barrage of questions — will he like you? Will you like him? Should you have worn the other cologne? Why are your hands sweating so much? Does your breath stink? Will his breath stink? Is there time to go buy mouthwash?

Nervous sweats aside, here are 56 completely reasonable things to stress over while you wait for Mr ‘Let’s-hope-for-the-best’ to show up:

1. ‘Should I order red wine or white? The white’s way out of my budget, but who wants wine teeth?’

2. ‘ I should have worn my jeans. Damn, these trousers are too tight…’

3. ‘Does this dinner jacket make me look like I am trying too hard?’

4. ‘If he doesn’t look like his picture on Facebook, I am going to make an excuse and leave in 10 minutes.’

5. ‘Okay, 20 minutes.’

6. ‘Wait. Where did I keep my condoms?’

7. ‘No wine in that case.’

8. ‘Should I just have a beer before he gets here? Will it make my face look bloated?

9. ‘Only three drinks tonight, only three drinks tonight, only three drinks tonight…’

10. ‘I shouldn’t have had that sour cream and onion dip for lunch.’

11. ‘Does my breath stink?’

12. ‘Where’s my chewing gum?’

13. ‘Does my stomach look pudgy when I sit like this?’

14. ‘If he felt the need to tell me he was straight acting, should I keep all the Kardashian sisters off the table?’

15. ‘What about the Jenners?’

16. “Do I really want to be on a date with someone who calls themselves straight-acting?’

As adults, we lie to ourselves about a lot of things. We lie about happiness, we lie about failure, we lie about how we did not deserve that DUI ticket that one time, we lie about how we can pull off neon green, and we lie about how our parents love us as much as they love our over-achieving siblings.

We lie so much that we can put it up as a skill on our LinkedIn profiles (but we don’t). Which is why it’s only natural that we lie to ourselves when it comes to finding love. Don’t believe me?

Here are 40 lies we’ve all told ourselves as we sit across a man who’s so wrong he could be a Taylor Swift song:

1. I’m so done with all of this.

2. I’m not going to get drunk tonight.

3. I’m not drunk right now.

4. I have a really good feeling about this.

5. It’s so sweet that he can talk about his ex so openly, and so often. It can only mean he’s definitely over him!

6. I won’t put out tonight, even if I think he’s really handsome and way out of my league.

7. My friends are going to love him so much!

8. It’s so cute that he already cares about how much I eat. This one’s a keeper!

9. When he says my cheeks look full, he doesn’t mean that I am fat.

10. I think he confused my drink for his; it’s no big deal.

11. Did he just check me out on my way to the restroom? How rude.

12. Who cares if he’s checking out the guy sitting at the other table? He only had eyes for me when I asked for the steak.

13. That little boil on his lip is definitely not herpes.

14. He’s just really quiet because he’s so adorably shy. Look at him checking his phone every other minute? He’s too awkward to make eye contact!

15. I’m sure this bow tie is helping me make a great impression tonight!

16. He likes me, I can just tell.

17. He’s not wearing make-up. His skin just glows like that.

18. His style is…so unique.

19. His dry sense of humour is turning me on so much right now.

20. He went through an entire packet of cigarettes in the last two hours that we’ve been here. Wow, that’s so sexy.

21. Can he smell my desperation?

22. I am sure he’s never used that line before.

23. He didn’t say nigger. He said bigger.

24. He’s right — I should have just called and confirmed the date before leaving.

25. I like how he jokes about having a boyfriend back at home. This boy is hilarious!

26. It’s so endearing that he calls himself a nomad.

27. Look at him typing away on his phone! Maybe he’s texting his friends telling them how cute I am.

28. He wants to know who I voted for. This is so much fun!

29. I probably shouldn’t ask him why he told me that he has to get back home in 30 minutes.

30. When he tells me he thinks we’d make great bros, he means it in a romantic sort of way.

31. He’s going to love how I can snort my shots out of my nose.

32. I’m sure he’s thinking about getting matching wedding bands too.

33. He’s just asking me if my flat mate is out of town, because he’s really concerned about me being alone at home. Such a sweet guy!

First dates can be intimidating. What if you smile too much? Or talk about the ex too much? Or drink too much? As you flirt your way over aperitifs and appetizers, there could be a lot of questions that are racing through your mind – from the classic ‘does he like me?’ and ‘Who’s going to pay for this one?’ to the more practical ‘Should I go commando?’ and ‘Is that boil over his lip a cold sore?’

Point is, every date is different – from borderline psychotic to RomCom-level charming – and each one is a story by itself. Don’t know how to sort the good ones from the bad? If this were your train of thought while you were out with a potential Prince Charming, I’d say you board the first compartment and flee as far away as you can: