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Justina Pelletier

Happy Birthday Justina Pelletier !

Dear Justina,

I know you wanted to spend your “Sweet 16” birthday at home. I want you to know how sorry I am that this is not going to happen.

Sweet girl, you are not alone and I hope you know that. Thousands of people are standing with you and praying that this nightmare will soon be over. Soon you will be home in your pink bedroom with your stuffed animals and all your family.

Many times in this journey of our life on earth we don’t understand why things happen to us. I know I have asked why hundreds of times the last three years as my son died from injuries in an auto accident, my granddaughter who was 13 weeks old, died one month later and then my husband of 35 years last summer.

Justina it is OK to ask, “Why”?

All of us who have gotten to know you through your loving family have asked “why”.

Justina, it is during these times of suffering that we reach out and cling to the ONE who knows everything from beginning to end. The ONE who loves you and who will never leave you or forsake you, the ONE who loves you and created you.

Someday, you and your family will be vindicated because truth always wins out. You are blessed to have a family that is fighting this horrible system that has allowed this to happen to you and hundreds of other kids taken from loving homes.

Think about this, God chose you and your family to fight this battle for hundreds of children in your same situation. Now I know it doesn’t “feel” particularly good now, but God is using you to shine a light and change this injustice done to children and their families throughout our culture.

Justina you are a beautiful young lady, and an inspiration to multitudes of people across the nation and world.

I know you don’t realize that now.

Someday you will.

Someday we will all understand “why”.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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The death of a love one, change’s your perspective on everything…including life itself.

Three intimate family losses in 22 months has changed me. I am not the same and I believe the change is for the better in many ways.

Let me explain.

The role I have loved the most in life was being a mom. Being a mother brought me my greatest joy and my most difficult sorrows. However, even with the sorrow I would not change the thing I love most being a mother.

Having a child proceed you in death is the most horrific form of pain one can imagine. Perhaps that is why the Justina Pelletier case has grabbed my heart so hard.

No, Justina is not dead.

But, she is a child and a mother is suffering. She has not been able to really hold or have those all important conversations for 15 months. I can’t imagine.

People say to me all the time, “Missy, I can’t imagine what you have gone through.” Well I can’t imagine what Linda Pelletier has gone through for 15 months as a mother. I know my son, Jamie is in heaven and living life to the fullest. But Justina is in Wayside Youth Residential home where kids are shuffled in and out every 2-3 weeks. She is surrounded by strangers, not attending school, not being allowed to attend church and most importantly not being around her family.

Teenagers

Teenagers are in a transition period. They are not children, they are not adults. One day they are playing with Barbie dolls and the next day getting school girl crushes on boys for the first time. I know…I reared two daughters. Transitioning from child to teenager to adult brings about incredible emotional changes. They are changing from the family unit being the source of their identity to the identification with their peers.

Justina comes from a family with 3 other sisters. Sisters are huge role models for teens in the transition period. But, Justina isn’t home to have them as role models. Who are Justina’s role models now? We don’t know, the parent’s don’t know, they can only see her off site.

Justina asked to see her mother on her birthday, they said NO.

I can’t imagine.

Mother’s Day is coming up on May 11th. Last year everyone at Boston Children’s Hospital got to see their mother on Mothers Day, but not Justina Pelletier. Will she this year? I have my doubts.

Here is the big thing. Justina turns 16 on May 24th.

Her 16th birthday!!!!

Do you remember your “Sweet 16”? I do it was a great birthday. My daddy picked me up at lunch time and took me to get my driving license. He picked me up in a brand new, red, Buick Skylark with a white vinyl top. I will never forget that day.

Where will Justina be on her birthday?

Parental Rights

When I started this blog I was writing and researching brain death and all I learned about it, when and after they pronounced my son “brain dead”. Then the diagnosis of brain death on Jahi McMath broke and I knew exactly what her mother, Nailah was feeling, and now Justina and again I know how her mom is suffering.

Although they are two totally different situations, they are similar in the principal that parents know what is best for their children. No one loves them more, no one has that innate intuition of what is best and going on with their children.

I always believed that parents had parental rights. That they were given by God and acknowledged in our Constitution, but I am learning they are implied rights. Yes for years those rights were assumed in the Constitution, yet now due to numerous courts cases throughout the U.S. challenging those rights it is critical that we guarantee those rights under a Parental Rights Amendment.

An Advocate

When I graduated from college my degree was in Social Work. Then I married and I became a Pastors wife. For the last 18 years I have been a Ann Arbor Real Estate Broker.

I have enjoyed all the journey, but my heart and my passion now is advocating for those deprived of justice. A voice for the voiceless, to those who can’t speak for themselves and need a community of people speaking out for them.

Since I started actively following and tweeting and following Justina’s story, I have changed. As Justina’s story has grown and unfolded more and more parents stories have come to light of other parents losing their children. Parents whose children have also been taken from the loving arms of good parents. I’m telling you sometimes I just weep when I read them and what those parents have gone or are going through.

I am not saying we don’t need Child Protection Services for neglected, sexually abused children. Not at all. I am saying the system is flawed, very flawed and it needs a complete over hall. Systemic change is hard. Firing a DCF Commissioner is not going to change a thing. Throwing more money at the system is not going to change much, it needs a systemic change with parents rights front and center.

Justina’s story has given a voice to the thousands of other parents who need help in rescuing their children. And yes many of them were also issued a gag order which is a violation of free speech in and of itself.

It has been said, “politics makes strange bedfellows.” In the Pelletier case many people from all walks of political persuasion have come together to fight for Justina go home to her parents. I am not surprised as it is doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know right from wrong.

The Boston Globe asked today, if all this attention would secure a better outcome for Justina or hurt her more? To be honest, I have wondered the same thing from time to time. But, right is right and wrong is wrong and my conscience causes me to do nothing less than speak the truth. All of her advocates feel the same way.

Thanks for reading. Have you been following Justina in the news?

I would love to know your thoughts by leaving a comment below. Click the little chain at the bottom of the post.

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Jesus is the only one who can heal your grief and sorrow.

Crying out to Jesus is the only way.

This I know.

Yesterday “most” of my kids and I met with a therapist. My own therapist suggested it because as a family we are grieving together. As a mom who lost her son, granddaughter and husband, all within 22 months that has been unspeakably hard. Secondary grief comes when I have to watch my precious children suffer.

Heck, we even had the therapist in tears three times yesterday. I knew it was going to be bad when two of my kids were crying before the session even started.

Mike use to say, “when you have a large family someone is always having a bad day.” That is as true today as the day he spoke it when they were little children.

This time it applies as we grieve someone is always having a hard day. As their mom is heartbreaking to see your children suffer through their pain and loss. I want to help them, and I am sure I do in some ways but in many ways I fail miserably. I’m not super mom, or contrary to what some people think, “strong”.

I am constantly praying for them to reach out to Jesus as he is the anchor of hope and the only one that can get them through.

To everyone who’s lost someone they love
Long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin’ you back from your life.
You believe that there’s nothing
And there is no one who can make it right.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that’s struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love.
And they’ve done all they can to make it right again
Still it’s not enough.

For the ones who can’t break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you’re not alone
In your shame and your suffering.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

When you’re lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus.

Song by Third Day

Secondary grief

Secondary grief is what you experience as a result of the primary loss. I have experienced secondary grief in many ways.

Some are:

When I forget the mail for weeks because Mike always brought it in.

When I can’t get the router to work.

When I can’t get the batteries to work on the boat.

When I can’t carry gas tanks down to the boat.

When I send forms over to insurance companies time and time again.

When I don’t have a cup of coffee ready for me every morning when I wake up.

When I can’t mow the lawn or get the tractor started.

When I don’t have the emotional energy to play with the dogs.

When I can’t figure out how to get the printer to print wirelessly anymore.

When I remember the humor my son and husband brought into our home.

When people don’t ask you how you are doing because they can’t handle the truth, or want to think you have put it all behind you.

When I am watching sports University of Michigan play without Mike and Jamie sitting right there pacing along with me.

Secondary losses pop up unexpectedly. They turn up because your loved one is gone.

I don’t share these to make you feel sorry for me/us only to tell that grief has many layers and secondary grief experiences are some of them.

Only Jesus can heal your pain and sorrow and comfort you. To those who don’t have the hope of the resurrection, I honestly don’t know how they survive.

Cry out to Jesus, He hears the cry’s of the afflicted.

I am dedicating this post to Justina and her family who are suffering.

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Justina Pelletier

I’ve been sick for a week, I’m never sick. About the only thing I have been able to do is follow-up Ann Arbor Real Estate leads and stay on top of the story of Justina.

I have hundreds of new friends on Facebook and Twitter, as we rally together to try to get this child home. Getting Justina home is not a Red State, Blue State, Liberal or Conservative issue. She is a human being who is suffering and that is creating an outpour of love across the nation.

One of my new friends put together this video for those of you are just learning of Justina.

Grief

Perhaps because I have lost my son, granddaughter and husband this story has hit me harder. I feel the Pelletier families pain. My children have seen me weeping and asked, “What’s wrong mom, is it dad or Jamie or Lillian? No, I am crying for Justina. I am so close to my children, we don’t go a day without talking. Both girls get homesick if they away a week.

Here is a girl who at 13 and is now 14 who has not lived at home for 14 months. 14 MONTHS!!! She has not seen her friends in 14 MONTHS! If you are a parent does this not break your heart? No hanging out with friends, shopping, using an iPad,not getting any mail, seeing your mom and dad for one hour a week.

It does mine.

Kay Warren, (wife of Pastor Rick Warren) lost their son on April 5th last year. She did a post on Facebook about a week ago which really summed up how they have changed. Well, how anyone changes when a child dies. 45,777 LIKES, 24,085 SHARES, 10,531 COMMENTS, Wow, she hit a chord!

Here is an exert:

Unless you’ve stood by the grave of your child or cradled the urn that holds their ashes, you’re better off keeping your words to some very simple phrases: “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Or “I’m praying for you and your family.” Do your best to avoid the meaningless, catch-all phrase “How are you doing?” This question is almost impossible to answer. If you’re a stranger, it’s none of your business. If you’re a casual acquaintance, it’s excruciating to try to answer honestly, and you leave the sufferer unsure whether to lie to you (I’m ok) to end the conversation or if they should try to haltingly tell you that their right arm was cut off and they don’t know how to go on without it. If you’re a close friend, try telling them instead, “You don’t have to say anything at all; I’m with you in this.”

The truest friends and “helpers” are those who wait for the griever to emerge from the darkness that swallowed them alive without growing afraid, anxious or impatient. They don’t pressure their friend to be the old familiar person they’re used to; they’re willing to accept that things are different, embrace the now-scarred one they love, and are confident that their compassionate, non-demanding presence is the surest expression of God’s mercy to their suffering friend. They’re ok with messy and slow and few answers….and they never say “Move on.”

Change

I wish to God this cup of suffering was gone. But, it is not.

This is why when I got involved in trying to do my part in getting Justina home it is a passion that consumes me.

I am afraid for this child if she doesn’t get the medical help that she so desperately needs, her family will go through this grief that swallows you up.

Pray for Justina and her family. She is not the only one this has happened to, there are thousands of children taken away from their families who are diagnosed with psychiatric, mental problems who are victims of Mitochondrial disease, Lyme disease, Chronic Fatigue disease and other crippling diseases who doctors say is “in their head.”

Finally be patient with me, God is not finished with me yet. Lamentations 3:31-33

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Judge Joseph Johnson

Juvenile Court judge Joseph Johnson has once again “kicked the can” down the road in releasing Justina Pelletier to her parents. In a court hearing yesterday, on St. Patricks Day, Judge Joseph Johnson said he would decide by Friday, March 21st.

Justina’s court appointed attorney and the Pelletier family had come to an agreement that she would be released to her home as long as she gets proper medical care and schooling. (something she has NOT been getting the last 13 months)

Justina has been in captivity since February 2013 and has not had any schooling, one visit a week for one hour with her parents and one 20 minute phone call with them on Tuesday’s.

It should be noted that a felon in prison in Mass has five visits per week.

But lawyers for the Massachusetts Department of Families and Children, which has had legal custody of the 15-year-old since February 2013, said it opposed the plan, and urged the judge to reject it.

The makes NO SENSE!

When people first hear about Justina they can’t believe it.They keep thinking there must be a different side to the story.

There is no different side to the story.

Boston Children’s Hospital in cahoots (in partnership, in conspiracy, in league with, collusion) with Mass Dept of Child and Family Services are holding this child because they disagreed with the medical treatment of Tufts Medical Center.

Besides the difference in medical opinions by two well respected hospitals, what else is going on? I am not a conspiracy theorist. But like others why are so many people calling for her release and she is still in a residential home without proper medical care and without her family?

What is the possible justification for DCF Mass to hold this child?

One person on Facebook said, “Please note, that EVEN though the Pelletier’s have the help of a billionaire, a minder, several constitutional lawyers, 26 legislators, Dr. Phil, an outraged public, and highly qualified doctors at the prestigious Tufts Hospital, THEY ARE STILL BEING GIVEN THE RUNAROUND BY DCF?”

Yesterday on Dr. Phil where Lou Pelletier and two of his daughters appeared, Dr. Phil also took advice from Dr. Charles Sophy.Dr. Sophy is board certified in three clinical specialties: Adult Psychiatry, Child & Adolescent Psychiatry and Family Practice. He currently serves as the Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), the nation’s largest Child Welfare System. As Medical Director, Dr. Sophy is responsible for directing the physical and mental health, as well as assisting in ensuring the safety, of over 40,000 foster care children.

Even he did not understand and has never seen any thing like this.

In addition to the Pelletier family, and Dr. Sophy on Dr. Phil, Areva Martin was also a guest. Areva is an Award-winning Children’s and Family Rights Attorney, and author.

Even she did not agree with what has happened and continues to happen to Justina and the Pelletier family.

This begs the question again as to WHY?

Why has every person who has looked at the case,met the Pelletier family agree this is a tragic injustice and yet Justina is still being held in custody by DCF and in cahoots with Boston Children’s Hospital.

Why has Judge Joseph Johnson again, “kicked the can” down the road?

As Michael Graham asks in his blog post today, “But what possible justification does DCF have to keep fighting? Are they that desperate to maintain their power to bully parents at will? Are they using this fight to get a ruling from a friendly court that affirms DCF’s absolute power to abuse at will?”