Girl Sh-t, by Gwyneth Paltrow

Like handbags, Girl Sh-t comes in high end and low end. Low end would be, say, the housewives of whatever city. Slightly above that are the WAGs of whatever sport. For the luxury Girl Sh-t, you look to Anna Wintour. And, of course, my G.

Have you seen this yet? Sasha sent it to me this morning. At Vogue.com, for the MET Gala wrap-up, there was a celebrity slideshow. Kanye West was included.

Yes. That’s right. They CUT HER OUT OF THE SHOT, leaving only her hand.

That’s Girl Sh-t, by Anna Wintour.

And then there’s my G. When asked by USA Today about her MET Gala experience, G replied:

"I'm never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”

So there’s Kate Upton, who would sell a kidney to get in, and Mrs Timberlake, who can only go as someone’s +1, and the likes of Kanye West’s girlfriend, who consider it the greatest career achievement, and the rest of us, watching and loving and envying, and then there’s my G...

And you can hear her saying this in that holy drawl, can’t you? The MET Gala is beneath her.

Yes, of course, I know you will so go ahead -- call her a c-nt, because she is, and rage, because she is insufferable. But also... Come ON. If you love Girl Sh-t, you have you appreciate the genius of G’s criticism. On many levels:

First, consider who was there. The Jessica Albas, the Kate Bosworths, the people who, like Mrs Timberlake, could never manage an invitation on their own name but only through mid-level designers. Gwyneth Paltrow ranks among the few who can attend the MET Gala on her own, without having to secure her spot as someone’s guest. What she means here is that there’s too much riff-raff. It’s not exclusive enough for her anymore. So on the one hand you have Madonna, her ex-bff, dancing more holes into her fishnets, and surrounded by young pop stars, and on the other there’s G, looking down at it all as entirely too COMMON. It’s the skill of making someone feel small, so that in daylight, when you revisit those photos, and you hear her words captioned beneath them, suddenly you’re not so sure that it was such a great night. That’s how Gwyneth tries to make people feel. Without ever having to name it. THAT is the Chanel of Girl Sh-t, see?

And how would this go over with Anna Wintour? After all, G is slagging her party. G is saying she doesn’t want to go back to her party. Sure, Anna might ban G from Vogue covers indefinitely in retaliation, but at the same time, she also must know, at least a little. Because otherwise, why would Kanye West’s girlfriend have been cropped from that picture I just posted above? On some level, Anna realises her event was soiled. And G was the one who called her out on it.

There’s more. G doubles down on the MET Gala Girl Sh-t with a few amazing remarks about Miranda Kerr. If you’ve been following Miranda Kerr, you’ll have some idea of what Gwyneth might think of her. Of her MET Gala encounter with Miranda, G told Entertainment Weekly that:

"She was wearing a black Michael Kors dress that was sort of like a sparkling bandeau, and her whole stomach was showing. It was really beautiful. It was a little punk-y. She's just so pretty, it's abnormal. I was like, 'Is it weird to be that pretty?'" the Iron Man 3 actress recalled, laughing. "And she was like, 'No.'" (Source)

Only Gwyneth Paltrow could make “pretty” feel embarrassing. Only Gwyneth Paltrow could condescend to someone for their prettiness. It’s almost aristocratic.

Here’s Gwyneth on her way to a photo shoot yesterday -- that white leather jacket is sick -- and out for dinner last night.