Annual teaching
awards are back for
the fifth consecutive
year
NEWS, Page 3

WAS ANELKA IN
THE WRONG?
Sam Robinson looks
at the controversial
quenelle gesture
COMMENT, Page 9

NOMINATION FOR
UCLAN GRADUATE
AND THE WINNER IS... UCLan graduate up for Oscar

WE LOOK AT
DAYZ

What makes a game
about zombies so
attractive?

CULTURE, Page 18

>> GRADUATE’S SHORT FILM NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR
Charlotte Arrowsmith

UCLAN graduate, Mark Gill, has
been nominated for an Oscar
Academy award for a short-film
that he directed.
His film, The Voorman Problem,
is one of five nominated in the
Live-Action Short Films category.
Gill, who graduated in 2004

NEWS: UCLan

LIFESTYLE: Travel review:
Washington D.C.

with a degree in Film Production, now
owns his own production company in
Manchester.
He found out about his nomination
whilst at work. Speaking to the Independent, he said: “I was the first to find
out. I shouted out. We all went a bit
crazy.”
The Voorman Problem is a 12
minute feature, following a psychiatrist
who visits a prison inmate who believes

CULTURE:

he is a god.The Oscar shortlist isn’t the
only recognition Gill has received. The
film has already won 4 awards, and received a nomination at the 2013
BAFTA’s.
The Hobbit’s Martin Freeman stars in
the film, which Gill started making in
2008, when he met producer Baldwin Li.
The 86th Academy awards will be
held Sunday 8th March hosted by Ellen
DeGeneres

PUZZLES:

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NEWS

02.02.2014
Contents
News

Green Party Leader
Visits UCLan
Page 4

Features

Clarets Legend Ian
Britton Speaks To
Rob Watson
Page 6

Comment

Who are the real
scroungers in Benefits
Street?
Page 9

Lifestyle

Travel in America:
Washington D.C.

PRESTON TO HOLLYWOOD

Kadeesha Mckenzie
Deputy News Editor

THIRD year UCLan student has been
accepted in to the New York Film
Academy.
Maria Dewhurst, who is studying
Screenwriting, will be based at Universal Studios and will be taught hands
on, with opportunities for networking
and work experience with some of the
industry’s top professionals.
Speaking about her place in the
academy, she said: “I’m very proud to
tell you that I’ve been accepted by the
New York Film Academy to attend
their 8 Week Screenwriting Programme in September. I will be studying at their campus in Los Angeles.”
Leading up to her accepting her
place at the academy, she recently attended a BAFTA Craft Master class in
London, which is specifically aimed at

young women writers and speakers.
This class included Virginie Brac (Spiral), BAFTA-winning Paula Milne (The
Politician’s Husband, White Heat, Small
Island) and Emma Reeves (The Dumping Ground, Young Dracula). Which
Maria spoke highly of, saying: “They offered me an insight into a very particular and challenging craft.”
Maria who will be going on a UCLan
trip to Guangzhou in China to create a
contemporary portrait of life in a dynamic megacity with 12 million inhabitant, gave an insight to what life was
like studying screenwriting at UCLan
saying:
“Every time we are taught new skills
in how to present our work or formatting the scripts, I felt as though my
course was taking me one step closer
to making this dream. That giddy feeling has grown with each guest speaker,
with each script we analyse or film we
watch, that pure unadulterated joy of
knowing ‘that could be me’.”

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THE Home Office Immigration Enforcement Team has made yet another visit
to Preston, arresting two men from 3
Monkeys.
Officers raided the sandwich bar
after hearing a tip off, and they
searched all employees for identification.
Two Pakistani men were discovered
to be staying in the UK illegally. One,
aged 29, had breached his visa conditions, and the other, aged 26, had outstayed his visa. They are both now in
detention, awaiting their removal from
the UK.
Assistant Director of the North West Immigration Enforcement Team, Karen McDonough said: “Illegal working has a
negative impact on communities. It defrauds the taxpayer, undercuts honest employers and cheats legitimate job seekers
out of employment opportunities.”
Lifestyle Editors: Vacant

3 Monkeys sandwich bar now faces a
civil penalty of £10,000 per person
working illegally, meaning they owe a
total of £20,000.
The employer now must prove that
the correct right-to-work checks were
carried out.
It isn’t unusual for the Home Office
to find illegal immigrants working in
Preston.
Just last year, they arrested people
working at Gafoor Poultry Products,
Charcoal Huts and Barbeque Place.
These have all been catering businesses, but why is this?
Are they too relaxed in hiring staff
and carrying out right-to-work security checks?
The Immigration Bill has recently
been announced by the Government,
which makes it easier for people to be
removed from the country.
If anyone suspects that illegal workers are being employed at a business,
or someone is living in the UK illegally,
they can contact Crimestoppers
anonymously on 0800 555 111

THE Golden Roses is an annual awards
evening designed to recognise UCLan
staff across the university and our partner institutions.
The award ceremony which will be
held in Preston on the 2 of April will
mark the 5th year since UCLan student
union established its annual awards. It
still remains the only staff awards that
are nominated, decided and awarded
by students.
Nominations for each award are collated and held until the close of nominations on March 2nd 2014.
After the close of nominations a
panel of student representatives including the Education Officer, School Presidents and a nominee from the
University meet and using pre-determined criteria evaluate the merit of the
nominations submitted and decide the
final shortlist and winner for each
award. In last years event, the Best
course team award went to Lancashire
Business school.

NEWS
2-5

There are 10 awards categories open for nominations,
including:
• The Outstanding Feedback
Award
• The Postgraduate Support
Award
• The Real World Learning
Award
• The Inclusivity Award
• The Positive Impact Award
• The Lecturer of the Year
Award
• Professional Services Staff
Member
• The School of the Year Award
• The Best Course Team of the
Year Award
• The Best University Service of
the Year Award
• The Personal Tutor of the Year
Award
• The Most Innovative Teaching
of the year award

THERE is increasing concern that students will not receive important information about the changes to their
medical records in the light of a new
NHS scheme.
A new initiative called ‘Care.data’ is
being introduced and the default position that medical records remain in
everyone’s GP surgery has changed.
From March this year, NHS England will
be uploading medical records every
month in identifiable form to a central
system administered by the Health and
Social Care information Centre (HSCIC).
GPs do not have a say in the matter
and have to provide the data required
and if patients do not want it to happen,
it is down to them to opt out. With the
majority of students living away from
home for an increased period of time,
the worry that students will not receive
this information about the changes to
their records is causing concern.
The data transferred will be held on
the HSCIC system with personal identifiers still attached and made available in
various forms to researchers, local commissioning bodies and to private com-

panies that are approved as HSCIC ‘customers’.
The first datasets to go on this system
will include date of birth, postcode, ethnicity and gender together with ‘lifestyle’
details such as smoking habits, obesity
and alcohol use.
NHS England have stressed that the
data will be ‘anonymised’ but there is the
worrying matter that information stored
will still lead to patients being identifiable from the information provided.
Campaigners did warn that members
of the public would be uneasy about private companies benefiting from their
health data – especially when the spread
of data will not be routinely audited.
Mark Davies, the Centre’s public assurance director said: “You may be able to
identify people if you had a lot of data.
It depends on how people will use the
data once they have it. But I think it is a
small, theoretical risk.”
Davies said that a number of private
companies – such as Bupa – already had
access to some sensitive hospital data,
although none had been able to link to
GP records until now.
He added: "I am not sure how helpful
in the NHS the distinction between public and private is these days. Look at Dr
Foster [which] is a private company that
used data to show significantly how

IT’S BACK.. Back for 5th consecutive year

things can be improved in the NHS and
revealed what was going wrong at Mid
Staffs. The key test is whether the data
will be used to improve patient care."
NHS England said it would publish its
own assessment of privacy risks this
week and pointed out that one of the
key aims of care.data was to "drive economic growth by making England the
default location for world-class health
services research."
Julia Hippisley-Cox, a professor of
general practice at Nottingham University who sits on the NHS's confidentiality
advisory group – the high-level body
that advises the health secretary on accessing confidential patient data without
consent – said that while there may be
"benefits" from the scheme "if extraction
[sale] of identifiable data is to go ahead,
then patients must be able find out who
has their identifiable data and for what
purpose".
With these new changes, NHS England agreed to carry out a mail drop to
every household in England. This is
being done in the form of a leaflet.
Terry Dowty, coordinator of Medconfidential said: “Because the publicity is
being carried out in such a minimal way,
we are very concerned that students may
not see this leaflet at all. They are in a
particularly vulnerable group.”

IMAGE: Providers edge

MEDICAL RECORDS... The way they are being stored is changing

NATALIE BENNETT VISITS UCLAN
NEWS

Tom Greggan
News Editor

Natalie Bennett, leader of the Green
Party visited UCLan on Thursday to talk
to members of UCLan’s Green Ladder
project and the Politics Society.
In addition, a Q&A session in the Opportunities centre gave students the
chance to quiz her on issues such as sustainability, energy and education.
Natalie introduced herself to the audience and opened by talking about her
party’s policy, saying: “Our new slogan
for the party is ‘For the Common Good’
and what we’re seeking to achieve is a
society in which everybody has sufficient
quality of life but we’re living within the
planetary limits of the one planet that
we have. At the moment in Britain collectively each year we use the resources
of three planets.
“We think it’s an absolute disgrace
that Britain is the sixth richest country in
the world and yet we have 20% of workers on less than a living wage. They’re
not being paid enough money to keep a
roof over their heads, to put food on the
table, to pay the energy bills and of
course one of the things that there has
been a lot of publicity about is food
banks.
“Food banks are one of the fastest
growing industries and we believe that
no one should have to rely on charity for

3 February 2014

www.pluto-online.com

food. We need decent wages and decent
benefits for whoever needs them. We
need jobs that you can build a life on.
One of the things I campaign a lot on is
zero hours contracts.
“This is interesting because with a
young audience, I say zero hours contracts and everyone nods but if I go and
talk to an older audience, I have to explain what zero hours contracts are because they are very much something
that younger people coming into the
workforce are finding as often the only
thing available to them.”
The talk was chaired by Student Union
President Ben Latham. He began the
questioning by asking if Natalie had any
suggestions to students who wanted to
reduce their carbon footprint but weren’t
sure how. She said: “I think there are
some obvious ones from switching the
lights off to trying to recycle.
“What I would stress is that it’s very
difficult; individual actions are useful, but
individual actions are not what I’m currently concerned about because we can
all do the right things, but just the way
our society is organised makes it impossible to cut our carbon emissions, it
makes it impossible for us to live within
that one planet limit.
“So one of the greenest things you
can do is be willing to change things.
Your own individual actions make some
difference and it’s worth doing what you
can. Get involved in campaigns to
change things because one of the factors

is, and this is true of both economic and
environmental sustainability, the way
things are now is not going to continue.
“We are going to see very significant
radical change because where we are
now is not sustainable and we need to
make sure that change happens in the
right direction.”
Crucially for students, Natalie reinforced the Green party policy of zero tuition fees. When questioned how it
would be affordable, she responded:
“The short answer for that is make the
multinational companies pay their taxes.
There is huge tax avoidance, there is really low rates of tax.
What I can do is go back to our 2010
general election manifesto and that had
zero tuition fees in it and it was a fully
cost manifesto. I can show to you that it
did add up because I was involved in
writing it and Channel 4 was interested
in our cost manifesto so they actually
went through it to check all the figures.
“They came back to us with some
questions and we answered them. And
their researchers found that it added up
and they didn’t run a story about it because a manifesto adding up doesn’t
make an interesting story. It is financially
possible, it just requires a substantial
tackling of policy in our society which we
would be looking to do anyway.”
Australian-born Natalie also spoke at
length about energy and sustainability:
“I also spend a lot of time talking about
energy policy and (earlier today) I was

looking at a wonderful project looking at
having a community generated scheme
to generate energy from the river and
that’s the kind of thing we need to generate our energy from, not fracking
which I know is a big issue.
“We have to act on climate change.
But when we’re thinking about environmental issues, it isn’t just climate change.
The quality of our soils is just plummeting at an enormous rate. The quality of
our fresh water, the quality of our
oceans, particularly our biodiversity, are
all going down very fast.
“On behalf of my generation, sorry.
We’ve made a right mess of things and
now we’re leaving it to you to sort out.”
Natalie also took the opportunity to
encourage students to engage in politics
and make their voices heard. She said: “I
would urge everyone to get involved in
politics in some way or another. But
above all, please do vote. I’m not going
to say vote Green, I’m just going to say
vote.
“Vote every chance you get and if you
don’t like any of the options on the ballot paper, at least go into the station and
write a rude word on the ballot paper
“Your local council, Westminster, Brussels; they’re the places where the decisions get made, you really need to have
a say in who’s making those decisions.”
Daniel Dewhurst, Chair of the Politics
Society organised Natalie’s visit and he
was delighted with the event. He said: “I
think the event was a massive success

LIS
DELIVERS...
LIS DELIV
D VER
RS.

PLUTO

and congratulations to all those that
helped out over the weeks leading up
the event.
“It was great to see such a large, open
audience attend the event, which I’m
sure will be remembered not just as the
first political engagement of the new
year, but also as the first event with a political party leader that was open to students. It was great to see such a senior
politician answer students questions
head-on.”

Source: greenwikiwikigreen

4

ENGINEERING FACILITIES RECEIVE
HALF A MILLION POUND UPGRADE
Issue 258

Tom Greggan
News Editor

sity. For example, the Media department
have made use of the facilities to make
new camera brackets.
The facilities will also be used for
extra-curricular activities such as the ‘Car
for Young Drivers’ project, which the Engineering department cooperate in with
five industrial partners to create a car
that is cheap to fuel and cheap to insure.
Specifically, UCLan’s facilities have been
used for engine testing and fuel efficiency research.
Graham Calderbank, an Engineering
lecturer and researcher said: “It’s such a
positive thing. To see the students using
it so productively is brilliant.
Wharf Building has also undergone a
facelift with the walls being given a new
lick of paint and some of the corridors
have been widened.
Next in the pipeline is potential work
to the building’s exterior, similar to that
of Edward Building.

FEATURES
6-7

COMMENT
8-9

LIFESTYLE
10-14

CULTURE
15-18

SOCIETIES
19-20

SPORT
21-24

STATE OF THE ART... The new engineering facilities are some of the best in the industry

IMAGE: Graham Calderbank

The engineering facilities in Wharf Building have been upgraded after a
£500,000 investment.
The investment is the first of its kind
for UCLan’s Engineering department
since 1973.
The new facilities include a new guillotine, a £25,000 5-axis milling machine,
a £70,000 CNC Laithe, and a £300,000
laser cutter that took two weeks to install
over the summer.
The process has been ongoing for the
past 12-18 months and is close to completion. Students on the Motorsport Engineering,
Computer
Assisted
Engineering and Mechanical Engineering
courses will have the most contact with
the new state-of-the-art machinery, but
are also open to everyone at the univer-

MAJOR LASER... The new £300k laser cutter was the most expensive machine

EXTRA CURRICULAR...The new facilities will be used for non-academic projects

5

IMAGE: Graham Calderbank

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3 February 2014

www.pluto-online.com

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The most important day in the history of a football club. This event can conjure up many memories for fans,
Wembley play-off wins, treble winning seasons or that local derby victory. But for Burnley it can easily be
pinpointed to one specific date, 9 May 1987 – The Orient Game.

Burnley Football Club, who had been Division One champions just twenty seven years earlier were facing oblivion.
Needing to win their final game of the Division Four season and hoping that other results went their way, they
faced off against Leyton Orient at Turf Moor.

With Burnley in front 1-0 it was Ian Britton, the smallest man on the pitch, who rose the highest to head home a
quickly taken free-kick to make it 2-0 and secure Burnley’s place in the Football League with Lincoln becoming
the first ever team to be relegated out of Division Four in their place.
Rob Watson spoke to the Clarets legend about that goal, his battle with cancer and his up-coming wedding.
May 1987. The football league has announced the previous year that the team to
finish bottom of the fourth division, (League
Two for those of you with short memories),
will be relegated from the Football League
entirely, to be replaced with a team from
the Football Conference.
May 9 comes around and three teams are
in contention to go down, Torquay, Lincoln
or Burnley.
Having been a first division, (Premier
League, keep up!), club just 11 seasons previously, Burnley are a team in freefall.
They stand on a dismal 46 points from 45
games, attendances at Turf Moor have
dropped below 2000 and the team are low
on morale.
For a team that had been champions of
England just 27 years before, this is a low
point.
More than 15,000 fans are crammed into
Turf Moor. The scrum is so bad that kick-off
has been delayed for 15 minutes.
Play-Off chasing Orient are flying in the
league. Burnley are massive underdogs.
Police outside the ground have been
warned that there may be trouble should
the result go the wrong way. There’s no two
ways about it, the Burnley fans are angry
and this could be the game to tip them over
the edge.
Jump forward 27 years. You would struggle

to name most of the 11 who almost played
a part in one of the darkest days in the
Clarets history.
Two spring to mind. One would be
winger Neil Grewcock, who scored three
minutes before half time to give Burnley a
lifeline. The other, is the man whose goal
was to be decisive. It would send Turf Moor
into a frenzy not seen since they had won
the championship more than 25 years before. That man is Ian Britton.
“At the time it wasn’t important, it wasn’t
until the end of the game when we realised
that Burnley were going to stay in the football league.” Ian Britton is remarkably nonchalant about arguably the most important
goal of his career. But of course, on the
pitch the players are unaware what is going
on. Around the stadium fans have their eyes
glued to the game and their ears to the radios.
“The Longside was all standing back
then, we could see the crowd, urging forward and urging forward. We could see the
referee looking at the crowd and thinking,
‘My God let’s get this game finished.’ We
could feel the atmosphere, going around in
our heads, but obviously the fans knew
about it, we didn’t. But we knew something
was happening.”
Ian still lives in the town that’s always
going to remember his name, in the small
village of Barrowford just outside Burnley.

And once again he’s on the front pages of
the local press. Now though, he’s facing a
different kind of challenge to the one he
faced in 1987. Last year he was diagnosed
with prostate cancer.
Ian’s clearly upset when he’s describing
to me how he was diagnosed. It came after
playing the game that had made his name.
“I was playing five-a-side in Colne, when
I just slipped and hit my head and my coccyx. I felt a bit ill the following day so I had
the day off work.
“I went into the doctors and I just
thought I’d injured my spine. But after x-ray
nothing came back. Then three days later I
got a phonecall from the doctor saying that
they’d found some abnormal cells and that’s
how it all came about really.”
Which brings me to the reason he’s back
on the front pages. Ian’s recently asked his
partner Eileen to be his wife. The couple
have known each other for three years, and
strangely Ian’s not the only former Claret
that Eileen has connections with.
“Yeah Eileen’s cousin’s married to (former
centre forward) Willie Irvine and her step
sisters married to (former striker) Andy
Lochhead.
“I used to go to the games with Willie
when he used to do the tours around the
ground. I met Eileen separately and then
took her to the game and found out that we

knew her cousin. So yeah it looks like I’m
keeping it in family.”
In fitting with what I perceived to be
quite a reserved gentleman, there was no
pomp and circumstance in the marriage
proposal.
“We were down in Leamington, visiting a
friend of mine, (Ex-Chelsea player), David
Stride. We spoke about it, and just decided
it was a quite a good time.”
They will hold the wedding the week before Valentine’s Day, in a celebration that’s
set to last three days. And even though the
cancer is incurable, Ian is unfailingly positive.
“As long as my levels stay down and it’s
controllable then that’s the main thing. It’s
not curable but hopefully it’s controllable.
And I hope to have another few good years
in me yet.”
So how does it feel to know that, regardless of how long he has left Ian will forever
be in the hearts of the town that he has
made his home?
“It’s a great feeling when you go to the
club and people go, ‘that’s the man who
kept Burnley Football Club in the football
league’, just a great feeling”
And with Burnley having risen from the
depths of despair in 1987 to a club that’s
pushing for Premier League promotion in
2014, the feeling, I’m sure, is mutual.

LET me throw you a concept for a television
programme.
Channel 4 strolls into Moor Lane and offers
students the chance to be part of a new documentary which showcases the troubles a
student can face with everyday life.
A decent amount of students oblige and
the documentary gets to air several months
later. Instead of a balanced show covering the
ten-pence-noodle lifestyle, what we get is a
catalogue of trailer like snippets wherein the
#StudentLoanStreet hashtag hovers into view
ominously whenever someone does something particularly shocking.
Vomiting in your toilet after a heavy night
at Source? That makes it to TV, and the tweets
come pouring in. We’re all tarred with the
same ridiculous brush, as the prejudices of
people across the country are confirmed.
We’re leeches, wasting public money because we’re too lazy to go and get the job
we’ll end up doing anyway.
While not an entirely parallel example, this
is essentially what Channel 4 has done with
its wildly popular and controversial show
Benefits Street. Although it may not be as bad
as BBC’s Saints and Scroungers programme,
Channel 4 has still created a programme designed to instigate outrage aimed at anyone
who claims welfare.
There is no balance to this type of documentary, only judgement from both the pro-

ducers and the viewers. It’s a ridiculous sentiment when we all receive benefits of some
kind – even millionaire pensions receive
their free TV licence.
This demonisation of the working class is,
unfortunately, hugely effective. Channel 4
has drawn in 4.3 million viewers to its spectacle, and the next time George Osbourne
announces a cut or a ridiculous policy such
as the Bedroom Tax, many of these viewers
will agree with it as their minds flashback to
Benefits Street and its depiction of poverty
in Birmingham.
A huge problem with this is that it paints
a stick-man picture for what is a very complex subject. The following is from one Job
Centre employee in the UK:
“A customer of mine, a 59 year old
woman, who lives on her own. Works two
hours a week as a cleaner. Desperate for
more hours. Applies for work on daily basis.
She’s had her Job Seekers stopped by the
Job Centre. The reason? Over Christmas she
was unable to look for work for seven days
as her laptop broke. Due to being on £55
per week she can’t afford to get it fixed and
the library she could have visited was shut.
She’s never missed a cleaning position in
Telford since I’ve worked with her. She’s a little gem. This woman has no money and I really mean not a fucking penny. She’s applied
for a crisis loan that she’s been told she
might get, they can’t tell her how much or
when.”
Not exactly your stereotypical figure seen
on Benefits Street. Even less logical is the
belief that those who receive jobseekers al-

lowance are a huge strain on the country’s
finances. £159bn is spent each year on benefits but of that gargantuan sum only 4.9bn
is spent on jobseekers allowance.
The vast majority of that sum is the
£74.22bn that goes on state pensions. That’s
not an assertion that we should create a
programme looking at the scrounging elderly, it just offers a little perspective. The
public ire is so focused on this false scapegoat of the “benefits scrounger” that they
fail to see the real injustices in the country.
A third of that benefits budget goes to
people on an above average wage. Corporations avoid billions of tax through ridiculous offshore profiting loopholes. The
current coalition rages against the type of
scrounger seen on Benefits Street without a
trace of irony in the wake of the expenses
scandal.
Luckily I’m not in charge of the budget
and I don’t have to navigate the maze that
is these problems. The conclusion, however,
has to be that the unemployed are being
wrongly targeted and stereotyped to justify
the ridiculous cuts at the bottom, when far
more effective cuts could be made in better
places that wouldn’t affect people’s lives so
adversely.
While programmes like Benefits Street
exist, the current government has a better
weapon than any myth it can spread or statistic it can twist.
They need only sit back and let the public
work themselves into frenzy, turning on
each other rather than those actually to
blame.

#SHORT
ANDTWEET

THE TAKE FROM TWITTER
Jamie Angus @grvlx001

Working couple filmed extensively for Benefits St
claim C4 cut them out of final shows. #r4today
Paddy Doherty @ParodyDoherty

#benefitsstreet £106 a week for been depressed,
really I'm depressed every morning getting up and
going to work where's my £106???

HeardinLondon @HeardinLondon

The sole purpose of #benefitsstreet is for some TV
folk to profit from making people hate each other.
And I, for one, am simply not playing.

Katie Hopkins @KTHopkins

For people with nothing to do, their houses are
jolly untidy. Smoking and drinking takes up more
time than you would imagine #benefitsstreet

AS Nicolas Anelka tucked away his first
goal for West Bromwich Albion at Upton
Park against West Ham United, little did
he know about the fuss he would cause
with his celebration.
In raising his left hand and pointing it
across his right bicep, performing a gesture known as the quenelle, the French
striker has created a storm of apparent
anti-Semitism.
The quenelle is considered to be antiSemitic by Jewish leaders, who say that
it is an inverted Nazi salute.
However, the 34 year-old maintains
that the gesture is anti-establishment
rather than anti-Semitic and was done as
a 'special dedication' to his friend, the
French comedian Dieudonné M'bala
M'bala, who is credited with creating the
gesture.
Anelka is no stranger to controversy;
indeed, it seems at times as though he
courts it. He faces an FA hearing and
could find himself being slapped with a

NEWS
2-5

long ban if he is found guilty.
In the immediate aftermath of the
incident, Zoopla, the property company
owned by a Jewish businessman and
sponsors of West Brom, took a strong
stand against Anelka's actions and announced that they will not be renewing
their sponsorship deal with the club
when it expires at the end of the current
season.

The FA would be
absolutely right to
ban Anelka

FIFA appear to have set a benchmark
for punishments after banning the
Croatia defender Josip Simunic for 10
matches after he was found guilty of
leading Croatian fans in a chant that had
pro-Nazi connotations after their 2-0
victory over Iceland in the World Cup
Qualifying Play-Offs.
The FA, too, have previously banned
players for instances of racism with
Chelsea's John Terry given a four match
ban for using "abusive and/or insulting

FEATURES
6-7

COMMENT
8-9

LIFESTYLE
10-14

words and/or behaviour" which "included a reference to the ethnic origin
and/or colour and/or race" of QPR's
Anton Ferdinand in 2012.
A year earlier, Luis Suárez of Liverpool
was given an eight match ban after
being found guilty of racially abusing the
Manchester United defender Patrice
Evra.
If it transpires that the quenelle is a
racist gesture then the FA would be absolutely right to ban Anelka, but the ban
must be sufficient - unlike that of Terry.
It has been a great surprise to the
football community that a club like West
Brom, which is well-known to have
strong values, have been so insipid in
their response to the quenelle. They released a statement saying that the striker
will not repeat the celebration, but refused to condemn it.
Perhaps the best lesson that can be
learned from this situation is that politics
and football are a toxic mix and should
be kept well apart. Controversy is what
makes football interesting, but with instances like this, it is better for the sport
if its news was kept to the back pages
rather than the front.

Journalism student Anastasia Bates is spending her second year of study in Clarion, Pennsylvania.
When she’s not studying, she’s travelling the States. Next up for her was Washington D.C.; here’s her review…

AS with many visits to a foreign country, the Capital
City is quite often where tourists would want to start,
the culture is expected to be the richest, the architecture the finest and the people the boldest.
In some instances, as I have noticed in my time in
the US, the Capital City is often interchangeable with
the country, (London is England according to some
people I have met and vice versa). Yet why is it, when
the United States is mentioned, New York, San Francisco or Las Vegas are higher on most travelers’ bucket
list than the great nation’s capital, Washington D.C.
Coming from England it was inevitable to make
comparisons to our capital London. London streets
are bombarded with people, often in a hurry or simply
capacity is too large for the space (Covent Garden
tube station is a perfect example) while D.C appeared
to be unnervingly sparse.
London is filled with carts on every street corner
selling every kind of merchandise imaginable, from
cardboard cut outs of Kate Middleton, to plastic novelty red buses, while D.C. you were lucky to find a single person selling hats and scarves let alone a store.
None of these differences belittle either city, and
D.C can stand in its own right.
The city embraces modern architecture and governmental dominance, while recognizing America’s history.
The group of Smithsonian museums offers a slice of
history in every interest imaginable from the historical
truth of the holocaust to the Museum of Art featuring
original works by Picasso and Van Gogh to the Museum of Air and Space brought to light by the blockbuster Night At The Museum 2.
A visit to Washington D.C would not be complete
without the symbol which defines the US democratic
system, and the backdrop seen the world over.
That of Capitol Hill and the White House. I would
like to say that the preconceptions that the White
House is much smaller than you see on television, and
it is in fact a mansion built on 12 foot foundations but
I would be lying.
The White House is as small as you hear, however
still impressive given the power that comes with its
iconic status.
Each individual would have their ‘must-sees’ for
Washington D.C. and probably any other high profile
city in the world.
Something that can define history like seeing the
US Constitution or Declaration of Independence,
something recognizable from a movie set like the Library of Congress, or something you feel moved by
from the sheer size, beauty and knowledge of events
that took place there.
The latter was of most importance for me, and I
found it at the Lincoln Memorial. Probably the busiest
place in the whole city (despite visiting while the
marathon was on), the air feels thick with respect and
history and is a must see, if for the beautiful sunset if
nothing else.
Which goes to show, that comparisons from Washington D.C can be made to London and England, or
anywhere in the world, but each part of each country
has a specific atmosphere that cannot be duplicated
or compared too.

#SHORT
ANDTWEET
@ana_bates

Good bit of accent embarassment to
start the day, never want to say butter
again.

IMAGE: Ana Bates

ICONIC... The White House in all its glory.

make new
friends.

For help accessing social activities and making new
friends, visit: www.uclansu.co.uk/befriending

For more information, or to apply:
Visit: www.uclansu.co.uk/befriending
Email: BefriendingService@uclan.ac.uk
Tel: 01772 894894

12

LIFESTYLE

Jobs

Union Elections
Promotion Team
A unique opportunity to be a part of something amazing!!
Salary: £6.31 per hour
Contract: Temporary

The Union is seeking Elections Promotion Team
members to promote the up coming Union elections at
stages throughout the year.

This exciting opportunity will include the main Union
Officer Elections, Clubs and Society Elections and
Course Rep Recruitment.

UCLan Students’ Union is a democratic body, involving
students at every level of decision-making. Therefore, it
is vital that there are good participation rates in all Union
Elections.

The Union encourages applications for this role from all
students; with applications from first year students, part
time students and mature students particularly welcome.

Please note if you are a candidate or a supporter of
a candidate in the elections then you will not be
eligible to work on the Elections Promotions team.

Closing Date: 5th February 2014
Interviews: 10th February 2014

For an informal discussion about this position
please contact Gareth Pye, Membership Services
Manager on 01772 894276
For an application pack please call the Students’ Union
on 01772 893000 or contact thebridge@uclan.ac.uk

Visit us: www.uclansu.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW...

The Students’ Union employ
over 300 student staff

3 February 2014

www.pluto-online.com

PLUTO

Because those Source beer tokens have to come from somewhere

“Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” - Katherine Whitehorn

Sexual Health &
Guidance
Promotion Team

Be a part of the biggest sexual health campaign on campus
Salary: £6.31 per hour
Contract: Temporary

The Union is seeking Sexual Health and Guidance
(SHAG) Promotion Team members to support the
Campaigns Officer in the delivery of targeted sexual
health initiatives and events across campus, including
information stalls, events, the wrapped initiative and
chlamydia testing.

All candidates will need to be available to work between
the 17th and 21st February and may be required to
work some evening shifts.

In partnership with the Campaigns Officer the SHAG
Promotion Team will support the delivery of information
stalls and events across campus; encourage
participation from students in chlamydia testing and
sign-up to the wrapped initiative; promotion of all
activities and events held in relation to the SHAG project
both face-to-face and via social networking

You will need to be comfortable working as part of a
team and possess strong verbal and interpersonal skills
as you will be dealing with members of the public.

An ability to work under pressure and good background
knowledge of the university are also essential.

This role is available only to current University of
Central Lancashire students.

Closing Date: 5th February 2014 Midday
Interviews: 11th February 2014

For an informal discussion about this position
please contact Sophie Bennett, Campaigns Officer
on 01772 894891
For an application pack please call the Students’ Union
on 01772 893000 or contact thebridge@uclan.ac.uk

Preston Environmental Forum (PEF) is a community-based organisation that
acts as a network of community environmental projects/activities in Preston,
and also conducts city-wide environmental projects such as ‘Greening the
City’ and Abundance Preston.
PEF are looking for a volunteer or volunteers that can help publicise the activities of PEF and member groups. The role will involve documenting the activities through a variety of media – journalism, photography, film etc.

This will involve visiting activities in a variety of locations around the city to
create reports, articles and other publicity that would be used as content on
the Project Dirt website (www.projectdirt.com), Facebook and YouTube.
Duties will include:
• Creating reports and articles about PEF
• Providing content and support in the production of a newsletter
• Some design work or assistance with designing posters, flyers etc.
• Helping to develop social media communications for PEF

Volunteer benefits:

This role may not be paid, but as a community-led organisation reliant on volunteers, PEF offers some great benefits. Volunteers will receive:

Work experience with an exciting community-led organisation
Hours towards a Livesey Award provided by the Students’
Union, acknowledging your volunteer contribution
Free training opportunities in a rage of environmental tasks by
PEF (dates and tasks TBC)
A written reference by PEF
Flexible hours to suit you and your studies
Travel expenses paid
Networking opportunities (useful for anyone who wants to go
into environmental work, community work, journalism, or social media!)

How to apply:

Please fill out all three parts of a Students’ Union application form (available
from the Opportunities Centre Job Shop website) and return to
TBridge@uclan.ac.uk, or deliver by hand to the Opportunities Centre before
Monday 10th February at 12 midday. Interviews for this role are provisionally
scheduled for week commencing Monday 17th February.

The SEX Crossword

Pluto Editors
Lifestyle, Art, Deputy
Online

Help create your student newspaper by joining the Pluto team today!
Salary: Volunteer Role + Free Dominos on deadline day
Contract: Term Time

Lifestyle Editor

Can you spot the latest trend before it goes mainstream? Do you pride
yourself on wearing that chic hat before Topshop start selling it or are
you a whizz in the kitchen, capable of creating the ultimate chocolate
cheesecake on a budget?

If so you could be just the person Pluto are looking for. We are looking
for a go-getting, self-starter to spearhead our lifestyle section that encompasses our fashion, fitness, food, health, women and romance sections.
Original ideas and a desire to create captivating content that will make
the lifestyle section the talk of campus is a must.

Art Editor

Can you tell the difference between your Monet and Picasso? How
about the Strokes from your Saturdays? The Arts Editor is all about culture and stretches far beyond the popular conception of it being purely
about paintings and museums.

At Pluto we’re looking to expand our content and in order to do this we
need an individual with a critical mind, that is passionate about the arts,
live-performances and theatre and be able to convey that with words.

Deputy Online Editor

Pluto-online.com has grown month-on-month since its re-launch in September 2013 and in order to keep students coming back for more we
require an innovative, self-starter to join our online team.

Reporting to the Online Editor you will help curate the website and keep
it regularly updated with exciting content.
For an application pack please email the Media Officer, Michael Bailey at
sumedia@uclan.ac.uk and state ‘Pluto Editor Vacant Positions’ in the subject
line.
Visit us: www.uclansu.co.uk

Spotted: Lancashire

www.pluto-online.com

Our round-up of the oddities going on in the red rose county this week.

Brewery Workers Hit Back

WITH upto sixty jobs at risk, brewery workers at Thwaites in Blackburn altered the neon ‘THWAITES’
sign on the town centre plant to read ‘TWATS’.

ACROSS
1
5
7
9
11
DOWN
2
3
4
6
8
10

Clitheroe Sheep Thinks It’s A Dog

You eat soup with these; lazy Sunday afternoon position
The opposite of cowboy
Member of a religious group sent into an area to do evangelism; straight up sex
A lovely small creature; a huge vibrating, swirling dildo
Mythical place that men struggle to find
A mechanical device used to drive objects into the ground; an advanced sexual move that
carries with it great risk
The number one sexually transmitted infection in under 25-year-olds
The sudden explosion of build up sexual tension
The fuzz have these in plentiful supply; kinky
Cheap and easy to get hold of, you should always use one
Used in lots of team sports; may look like a chicken skin handbag

A SHEEP named Roy was saved from
the slaughter after Clitheroe landlady,
Lisa Evans, had a whip round in The
Horseshoe Inn.
Speaking to the Lancashire Telegraph she said: “Roy is just like a dog,
I do not think he knows he is a sheep.
“He follows the farmer and he
rounds the other sheep up. Other
farms have a sheep pig or a sheep
dog, but we have a sheep sheep.
“He is a lovely little lamb and he has
a personality of his own.”
Regulars at the Horseshoe raised
£100 and Roy will now be able to
spend the rest of his days as a pet.

Nominations
are
NOW
Annual
Golden
Teaching
eac
e
eaching
achi
ching
gA
Awards.
warrds
ds..
Nominations ar
e NO
W OPEN ffor
or the 5th A
nnual G
olden Roses T
Nominations
March
Nominations close 2nd M
arch 2014.
ntribut
t ib iion to your
Is there a member of staff that has consistently made a positive con
academic or student experience during the past year at UCLan
an?
n?
This year marks the 5th year since
esta
ablished
ablish
UCLan Students’ Union established
its annual awards which rem
main
the only staff awards tha
at a
are
nominated,
decided and
awarded by
students.

Drop nomination form into the Opportunities Centre.
e

The Golden Roses is an annual awards evening where students recognise
UCLan staff across the university and our partner institutions.
Nominations can be submitted for any member of staff or service within the University.
Full details of the awards including criteria for each category can be found on the Union
website (www.uclansu.co.uk/goldenroses)
Simply choose an award category for your nominee and state why you are nominating the staff member/s or service.

Nominate
N
ominate o
online
nline n
now:
no
ow:
w

Your Name:

Your Email:

Student ID:

The role or service of your nominee (eg. Lecturerr,, cleaner
clleanerr,, receptionist etc):

Nominations close 2nd March 2014
Yo
ou can nominate online www.uclansu.co.uk/goldenroses
Nomination data excluding personal information (y
with NUS/HEA as part of a national student-led teaching awards research project

C
U
L
T
U
R
E

PLUTO

Issue 258

NEWS
2-5

Eureka!

Music

Album Review - Adam Legg

IT’S been a decade and a year
since We Are Scientists released their debut album, now
currently touring Europe, Australia and America, they’re here
with their fourth one!
It’s called ‘TV En Français’,
and it’s also rather good. I first
heard of the band back in the
mid-00s with their song ‘Great
Escape’.
EA clearly believed that the
song was perfect for wanton
destruction as it featured on
their demolition derby game,
Burnout Revenge. Back then,
the band had a more pop-rock
feel about them, one which
they have moved away from in
recent years.
‘TV En Francais’ has a much
more indie feel than its predecessors.
I was wondering how I could
best compare the tracks to my
first impressions of the band.
To do this, I booted up the
Xbox 360 and whacked on
Burnout Paradise.
In all honesty, the album
wasn’t really suited to tearing

FEATURES
6-7

COMMENT
8-9

SOCIETIES
19-20

15

SPORT
21-24

“You can't beat 2 guitars, bass, and drums.”- Lou Reed

up the city like Jeremy Clarkson’s wet dream, with only one
track on the album suiting my
relatively-high-adrenaline play
style: ‘Dumb Luck’, their new
single.
For me, the single has just
enough pop-rock in it to make
it that little bit better, for
lovers of indie however, the
album’s first track ‘What You
Do Best’ might be more of a
favourite.
It was inevitable that, with
new producer Chris Coady on
board, this album would sound
different from the last three.
“Working for the first time with
Chris Coady as producer had a
huge effect,” said Singer and
guitarist, Keith Murray.
“He has such a distinct and
well-developed sense of what’s
cool and what sounds good,
but he’s also emphatic about
keeping the rawness of the
performances in there.”
Now let’s feed a peanut
to the elephant in the
room, the album name, ‘TV
En Français’.

University of Pluto Music
Degree Classification

Album of the week

1st

Top of the
class

2:2

Hello there
Desmond

2:1
3

Fail

Close but
no cigar

Must try
harder

Why even
bother?

What’s On

Image Courtesy of thelineofbestfit.com

When asked about the
name, Murray, explained it all:
“We wanted to get at the
seemingly inevitable parallax
that happens between two
people in a relationship, that
sense that you get the gist of
what the other person needs
and wants and how they feel
about you, but only the gist —
you’re relying on these broad
cues a lot of the time to tell
you what the hell’s going on.”

You Me At Six

2:1

We Are Scientists
‘TV en Francais’
Masterswan

Sellenium
The Ferret
7th February
FREE - theferret.info

David Bowie

Reverend & The Makers
53 Degrees
28th February
£13.50 - 53degrees.net

(James Murphy Remix)
1st
David Bowie
Image Courtesy of rocksound.tv

cisms, yet that is a tattletale sign of a band’s
successful transition musically.
The subsequently energetic hooks of the
You Me At Six of the ‘Hold Me Down’ era have
faded in favour of the, although unwittingly
pedestrian at times, undoubtedly much more
musically revised sound, which the Waybridge
fivesome are currently coining as their own.
The album itself is to be considered a recollection of emotions past, which all stem from
the band’s vibrant experiences of youth.
The viscerallity, which encompasses
Franceschi’s lyricism is throughout heartfelt
and sincere, despite bordering at times on
hackneyed preconceptions, overused by so
many in the alternative scene.
And despite portraying poignant recollection to a tee within most tracks, ‘Cavalier
Youth’ fails to create a grand sense of dynamic,
which was previously a trademark for You Me
At Six releases.
Of course a growth in lyrical aspects and a
newly
acquired
well-roundedness
in
songcrafting are sure signs of musical improvement, yet the lesson to be learned here
is not to make the maturity in one’s sound an
excuse for imminent mundanity. Sparks should
not be lost on purpose.

Music

Saxon
53 Degrees
15th February
£22.50 - 53degrees.net

Love Is Lost

Republic of Music

Our guide to the best
gigs in the North-West

Notable tracks for me are:
‘Dumb Luck’, ‘Take an Arrow’
and ‘What You Do Best’. Road
safety officials will be happy
with this album too, as, with
extensive research done on
Burnout Paradise, it’s a great
album to listen to, but not a
great album for road rage.

Single Review - Alex Grebenar

You Me At Six
‘Cavalier Youth’

The fourth full length studio effort of You Me
At Six will be considered, by far, to be the
band’s most mature and well-crafted musical
release to date.
By encompassing small bits and pieces from
the band’s previously vibrant and punchy
work, ‘Cavalier Youth’ creates an almost natural progression towards a more laid back and
rounded sound.
Despite the obvious spike in lyrical narration
and production, ‘Cavalier Youth’ has left off
some of the zeal of its predecessors behind,
making for a more sedentary listen. From the
very offset, the album creates a firm sense of
maturity, previously abandoned at large in the
band’s former three full length releases.
Emotionally captivating pilot track ‘Too
Young To Feel This Old’ breathes in a sense of
maturity in the band’s sound, despite its almost ingenuous narration.
A prevalent uplifting feel is further cemented with the follow ups: the upbeat and
faint gliding above the cliché drenched profile
of a late-in-the-career-of feel good piece,
which encompasses almost every release of a
band, whose had a fair share of touring miles
behind them ‘Lived A Lie’ and the angsty, yet
melodic ‘Fresh Start Fever’, where front man
Josh Franceschi serenades the promise, interwoven within the prospect of a brand new
start.
Of course, being much more starry-eyed
and optimistic at times in comparison to its
predecessors, ‘Cavalier Youth’ is bound to be
on the receiving end of numerous fan criti

CULTURE
15-18

The very latest music news, reviews and interviews

Album Review - Tony Tenev

2:2

LIFESTYLE
10-14

Image Courtesy of theguardian.com

Take the undisputed king of 21st century electronica and cross him with the
grand old Duke of pop and what do
you get?
A match made in some kind of musical utopia. In a concept never dared to
be even dreamt of before, LCDSoundsystem main man James Murphy
takes on David Bowie in a collaboration
that screamed 'ja!' long before the needle touched the vinyl.
Packaged in a wonderful white diecut sleeve as a super-limited 5000-copy
vinyl, the track starts with a round of
applause before bubbling into a throbbing, pulsing, masterpiece as Bowie's
iconic rasp sits over an insistent beat
and doom-laden piano chords.
It explodes to life as the 'Ashes to
Ashes' riff springs into the action – a
sucker punch for any fan of the Thin
White Duke.
The thin white vinyl just begs to be
played and played.

Pluto Playlist
What’s been played in
the Pluto oﬃce this
past week
Arctic Monkeys
Arabella

Bombay Bicycle Club
Luna
Jake Bugg
Song About Love

Katy B
Crying For No Reason

Miles Kane
Don’t Forget Who You Are
Nina Nesbitt
Selfies

Warpaint
Love Is To Die

16

CULTURE

Just Announced...

Image Courtesy of SJM Concerts

MILES Kane has announced
an additional date to his
huge, sixteen date, spring
tour of the United Kingdom.
The former Last Shadow
Puppets man, who has also
featured in bands such as
The Little Flames and The
Rascals, has announced a
date at Preston’s 53 Degrees for Monday the 31st
of March.
The show at Preston’s
premier music venue
comes on the back of the
hugely successful and sold
out night hosting The
Courteeners on the 2nd of
December, a band who are
close friends of Miles Kane.
The Birkenhead born
musician, famous for his
emaculate sense of style, is
currently working on the
follow up album to his
hugely popular 2013 re-

CRYSTAL Dynamic’s gritty action adventure reboot Tomb Raider released last
year in March has returned to the limelight this year as a testament to the next
generations consoles capabilities, Tomb
Raider: Definitive Edition for the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.
The games inexperienced, ambitious
and younger Lara Croft embarks on a
journey with a small crew in the search
for the remains of a lost kingdom on an
island in the South China Sea in higher
definition. Tomb Raider being classed as
arguably one of the most pinnacle
games released for the last generation of
consoles has been remastered as a
showcase of the graphical wonders the
next generation gaming consoles have
to offer.
The fact of the matter remains however. Is it justifiable purchasing an
already released game at an overcharged price for next generation
upgrades and previously available DLC,
which is ultimately available for purchase
on the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and the
PC for approximately £10?
Extending Tomb Raider to next generation platforms is no doubt a tactical
move on potential profitable earnings at
£45 for the game, and all for the
opportunity of being delivered a high
definition experience for those who want
to play Tomb Raider for the first time, or
relive the stunning RPG in all its glory at
a higher definition.
An intricate element of the next-gen
of gaming is the consoles capacity to
endure frame rate time in higher quality.

Prior to release, Square Enix promised
substantial graphics upgrades in
comparison to previous consoles, even
ahead of the PC.
A Square Enix spokesperson told
Eurogamer that: “Both platforms offer
the same outstanding Tomb Raider
experience,” he added, “delivering the
core Tomb Raider game-play at native
1080p and running at 30fps was always
our primary goal given the type of
experience Tomb Raider is and the
exploration we want players to do.
Anything beyond 30fps for this version
is gravy.”
Across both next-gen consoles there
are the main obvious bells and whistles
which have been awarded. The Definitive
Edition on the PlayStation 4 delivers
1080p native output, high resolution
textures while running at 30fps to 60fps,
likewise on the Xbox One, graphics will
be delivered at 1080p, however will only
deliver 30fps.
Square Enix considers Tomb Raider:
Definitive Edition to be a version of the
game at its ultimate peak aesthetically.
Players will experience a thrilling
adventure of fluid combat mechanics
against a backboard of puzzle solving
and three dimensional platforming
levels.
Scot Amos, Executive producer at
Crystal Dynamics said in an interview
with Eurogamer: “A key focus for Tomb
Raider: Definitive Edition was on our
visual storytelling. We wanted the world
to feel alive – to always be moving even
if you stop and look around.”
“As a result of that, when we got
everything aligned to do the Definitive
Edition for PS4 and Xbox One, that’s
when we looked at Nixxes and United
Front Games.”

“We said – hey – we’ve already started
on our next story, but we have some
unfinished business on the current
version of the story. Next-gen was a
great opportunity for us to do that.”
The graphical enhancement captivates
the aesthetically overwhelming beauty
and open-world exploration of the island
which complements Lara’s phenomenal
adventure, in addition to refining Lara
Craft as a long reigning caricatured sex
symbol over the years to a calculating
fearsome warrior with raw survival
instincts.
Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition is the
same phenomenal game which was
released last year however the next-gen
features include the replacing of tapping
a button with voice command which
comes across as frivolous.
Other minor embellishments on the
PlayStation 4 include the use of the
camera and voice command where gestures are utilized to rotate artefacts or
could mean the difference between
physically leaning left or right in order to
alternate camera angles, which is intricately connected to the games interface.
Packed with previously released DLC
including bonus content such as
weapons, characters, multiplayer maps
and outfits. One new addition concerning single-player content involves the
‘Tomb of the Lost Adventurer’ which is a
new tomb placed within the first hour of
game play.
Verdict: The Definitive Edition is
visually vibrant, the storyline is exceptional with or without the enhanced
graphics. However if you are willing to
fork out the extra cash for a game that is
nearly a year old, or want to experience
it on either the Xbox One or PlayStation
4, the Definitive Edition is a must.

We died on top of each other as our
bodies were pillaged and our pants were
stolen. Cried my eyes out, it was so
beautiful. 10/10.” and “I found a nude
man in a hospital, he handcuffed me,
and punched me to death while
performing satanic rituals, 11/10.”
Why have they done it and spent their
hard-earned cash to be crash test
dummies? Well because it is absolutely
awesome that’s why. From spawning on
the beautifully re-rendered shores of
Chernarus and spending your first hour
in complete darkness struggling to see
because you don’t know how to use a
torch (or because you’ve logged onto a
24/7 night server, little tip - 75% of
servers named ‘Dayz’, notice the small ‘z’,
are daytime, the ones called ‘DayZ’ with
a capital ‘Z’ are generally set to time
zones, which if you work 9-5 means you
always play in darkness), to finally
getting hold of that sacred M4A1 before
getting mugged by a group of bandits
for your pants.
This is a game that allows human
nature to take over in the way only a permadeath game can.Yes that’s right, permadeath. Falling through bugged
ladders after fully gearing up, break your
legs and die.

All gone. Start again and respawn
back on the shore where, if you’re lucky,
you’ll make it out alive without being
force fed rotting kiwis (which there’s an
absurd amount of) and disinfectant.
Then you start again on your quest to
survive this deserted wasteland.
So what is the point in it all exactly?
Where’s the end-game? What’s the Holy
Grail?
All valid questions and to be blunt, it’s
to survive as long as possible before you
do die. Because you will and you’ll rain
down vitriolic spite when it happens but
then you’ll go again and there’s a reason
you do and it’s more profound than just
survival.
The best part of the whole experience
is beyond the actual game itself – it’s the
human interaction. A headset and
microphone are essential to enjoy this
game because it’s the awkward Mexican
stand-off over a rotting banana or the
great two hour friendship you make with
a fellow survivor before you push them
off the tower in Devil’s Castle. For these
reasons and more, the game elevates
into the brilliant category. It’s the real
reason this game has taken off and it’s
what will spur it on to become a truly
genre defining game.

DAYZ ALPHA HITS THE MILLION MARK

DayZ Standalone Alpha
Opinion Piece
Michael Bailey
Editor-in-Chief

WELCOME to the island of Chernarus. A
small former-Soviet nation that is the
centre of an epidemic which has wiped
out a large proportion of mankind and
left in its place mindless zombies,
psychotic survivors and rotting kiwis.
Now for those of you uninitiated in
the world of PC gaming, DayZ is
something of a big deal. Spawned out of
a mod for the war simulation ARMA II, it
has taken developers by surprise,
breaking the one million sales mark in
the space of a few weeks and all this
despite still being in Alpha (Alpha testing
is the first stage in game development,
think game-breaking bugs, zombies that
can run through walls etc.)
That means that over a million people
have shelled out for a game that is
littered in bugs, missing lots of key
features and has reviews on Steam that
read: “New friend dying from thirst, on
ground whispering last words when noitem super villain runs out of nowhere
with haymaker to the back of my neck.

Some people will question the point
of it and at times it does feel like a hiking
simulator but there are moments in this
game that you’ll never come across in
your AAA titles and that’s why things like
this: “My very first contact with a human
was me running away from a guy
wearing nothing but a bright red coat
wielding and swinging an axe and
singing out loud about how small his
magical penis is. It was both the funniest
and strangely most intense moment of
my gaming life,” make spending that £20
all the more worthwhile.

IMAGE DayZ

IMAGE: DayZ

PLUTO

Issue 255

S
O
C
I
E
T
I
E
S

NEWS
2-5

FEATURES
6-7

COMMENT
8-9

LIFESTYLE
10-14

CULTURE
15-18

SOCIETIES
19-20

Interviewing the Burlesque Warriors
Vanessa Silva

Deputy Societies Editor
WE sat down with Hannah Jackson
and Jodie Handley for a chat regarding the show and the hard
working efforts of the Burlesque
Society, who yesterday filled the
top floor of 53° with both people
and entertainment. So enjoy our
Q&A below!
How many hours a week do you
practice?
Normally 6-9pm on Mondays
but for the past four or five weeks
we have been cramming extra
hours on Wednesdays and Fridays,
so nine hours a week.
What is your inspiration and
what does Burlesque mean to
you?
I think a lot of people outside
societies are really self-conscious
but when you get up there nobody
cares about what you look like.
Everyone is the same in an
essence, in how they feel about
themselves, nobody is self-conscious and if they are; everyone
supports each other and it’s a really nice little family. Burlesque is a
dying art and we are trying to revive it. In the past two years it has
started to boom again. It’s the art
of tease, its cheeky; you get to tell
stories and get to have fun. Some
people are unsure but come and
watch it and see what you think,
then tell us your opinion.
Why did you join the society? Do
you love it and why?
Curiosity for a lot of people. Especially the guys, there are not
many Boylesques around so when
there is one you get the men in the
audience cheering for them ‘Yeah,
come on lads!’
I love it and never want to give
it up! It’s really good fun! I want to

take it on my travels. Everyone
got very close, like a family. It’s
the chance to be completely free
with what I want to do. I saw the
stall and found it pretty, after the
first show I was hooked. You become more body confident.
Was it easy getting males to
join up?
Quick answer is no. They are
always apprehensive at first, they
are not sure what guys would do.
It normally happens with guys
joining to help with props, nit
picking and things but once they
see how much fun we are having
they join in too. At rehearsals
everyone gets involved even if
they don’t go on stage. You have
to think about how they will
move on stage. It’s a bit different
with guys.
Where do you get your confidence?
The best piece of advice I have
ever been given, ‘Don’t let your
face know’ if you are nervous or
scared, don’t show it. Smile
through it; if you do something
wrong just shimmy until you remember and the audience goes
wild either way!
Do you find it empowering?
I do. I can go up on stage and
take off my glove…then again I
might not. My way of thinking is
if the audience doesn’t cheer
hard enough then I take nothing
off.
What other events do you have
coming up?
Our next major one is our end
of year show in May. It’s going to
be really geeky and nerdy. We
are doing comic books, games
and cartoons. The ideas are circling around stuff like Pokémon,
Zelda, possibly Assassins Creed,
Dragon-Ball Z and Batman.
Every article of clothing is different. Where do you gethem
from and is the design per-

19

What else
is on this
week?
Sci-fi & Comic Book Society
Mondays 5:30-8:30pm HA338

Pagan society
HA129 every Saturday from 7 – 9.30
PM.
Labour Society
Every Tuesday in MR1 (in the SU)
from 6:30pm to 8:30pm.

sonal choice or influenced by
certain dances?
A bit of both, for example
Vegas Showgirls use feathers,
while others prefer corsets or no
corsets at all. A lot of our stuff
comes from high street crawls,
Primark and the like. We personalise and modify it, make it our
own. EBay is great too. With creativity we can change the whole
look with a few accessories.
Does Burlesque affect your life?
Definitely. You can hear a song
in a shop and go ‘Oh my God,
yes that is a routine’, and then
we start dancing until we realise
what and where we are doing it.
It’s like having cogs working in
your head. But they never stop.
How do you deal with controversy, backlash etc?

L.G.B.T. Society - ‘It Goes With
The Shoes’ Film Screening
THE UCLan Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Society (LGBT) is a multi-award winning society providing a social, campaign and support
network for LGBT students at UCLan.
They cater for everyone by arranging a variety of drinking and non-drinking socials: consisting of Pool Tournaments, Pub Quizzes, Bar
Crawls, Nights out in Manchester's Gay Village
and many more; all within a safe space environment.
Socials are every Thursday at The Assembly at
7pm. February is LGBT History Month and they
are planning a screening of It Goes With the
Shoes on the 6th Feb.
It tells the story of gay rights icon, Bette
Bourne who played a vital role in the early days
of gay rights campaigning.
With camp-wit and outrageous humour the film
sheds light on a hidden part of gay history: from
the early meetings of the Gay Liberation Front, to
the first mass gay protests in Europe, to life in a
gay drag commune and a European road trip with
drag superstars, The Bloolips, a real-life Priscilla
Queen of the Desert.
The film premiered at the BFI London Lesbian

SPORT
21-24

and Gay Film Festival, where it played to sell out
screens, the Sheffield Documentary Festival
(also sold-out) and at a special screening at the
V&A, where it became the best attended LGBT
event they've ever hosted.
It is telling the story of the LGBT history, but
encouraging specific members to share their
personal history. What did gay marriage mean
to them? Some of our members grew up under
section 28 – what was that like?

We have had people in the past
telling us ‘Put more clothes on’
but we go ‘no’. People can be ignorant and associate with pole
fitness, dancing and stripers, but
it really isn’t. Everything about it
is innocent, more than it is
raunchy. If you get hecklers the
best thing to do it make them feel
uncomfortable. You stare them in
the eyes and shimmy to your hearts
content.
Finally, any advice for prospective new comers? Especially
ones who may be reluctant to
do so?
Come and try. There is no one in
our society who will judge you. We
all have aspects of our bodies that
we don’t like but with Burlesque its
very much ‘We don’t care’ and
other people really support you.

VISIT the link to the below, to find out
how! Or pop into the Opportunities Centre!

DO you have a question on running a
society or who to contact? Want to
give us feedback on what you think of
societies and what could be improved? Give us a shout at Uclanplutosocieties@yahoo.co.uk
Remember that the SU Societies family is much larger! For our full list and
to
sign
up
visit
http://www.uclansu.co.uk/societies

FEATHERS, nipple tassels, glitter and
shimming. I had the privilege of going
to the Burlesque Society show Movies
and Musicals this past Wednesday.
The big night started with a Grease
performance, then we as an audience
got treated to a tantalising solo to introduce us to Burlesque.
A treat of naughtiness, teasing and
cheekiness led to my child hood never
being the same again and that makes
me smile.
Childhood and adulthood classics became entertainingly scandalous solos
and groups performances. Burlesques,
as I find out is a teasing, humorous strip
show where it depends on audience participation as well as the dancer, to determine whether that glove, stocking or
even bra comes off.
It was the best show I have watched
in a while and I would recommend
everyone to go to a show, at least once
in their life. And I must say the host of
the show, a comedic Jack Sparrow impressionist, was really well played and
his convincing performance connected
the acts well and earned him some well
deserved rum.

Spice up your
society Life!

AFTER session pub or bar socials are
a great way to get to know your fellow society members in a more informal and chilled out environment as
well as supporting local businesses!
CHECK out what other societies are
doing, there might be a show or event
open to the public which might interest your group as whole! And this way
you are opening channels for future

HELLO folks, I'm Matthew Hill and this is the first new-look Pluto punter column of 2014!
My aim is to provide you with a bit of extra background ahead of your football accumulators and other sporting events, so you can hopefully turn pennies into pounds at
the expense of the bookies. Everybody likes to win money, and if you've been following
my picks since we began, you'd have bagged a tidy profit upto now. Let's hope we can
start the new year off strongly!
Aston Villa vs West Ham
At the time of writing, Villa are riding high on the crest of a wave after grabbing a
terrific victory against local rivals West Brom in a 7-goal bonanza. Much maligned frontman Christian Benteke bagged the winner from the spot, and seems to have re-found
his goalscoring touch after a real baron run for the Villains. West Ham and Sam Allardyce
have never been far from the back pages this season, and it has generally been for the
wrong reasons. The stalemate with Chelsea lead Jose Mourinho to an outburst of disgust
at the Hammers boss' negative tactics, but Big Sam was keen to assure fans he "couldn't
care less." Although it was mission accomplished at the Bridge, West Ham will surely
play a more expansive game against Villa on Saturday. Whilst the Hammers may be
good value at 3/1, I'd rather plump with the in-form Benteke to score anytime at a tasty
11/8.

Plutos
Plunter

LIFESTYLE
10-14

CULTURE
15-18

SOCIETIES
19-20

Oliver Roby
Sports Writer

THE 19th season of Super League is set to
be one of the most hotly contested in the
history of the competition.
Reigning champions Wigan Warriors had
fortune on their side as they triumphed 3016 over Warrington Wolves in last year's
Grand Final and after the loss of star full
back Sam Tomkins to the NRL, could face a
struggle to retain their title.
St. Helens have seemingly made the most
notable improvements during the off-season, adding the likes of Kyle Amor and
Mose Masoe to their squad. Meanwhile,
young players such as Alex Walmsley and
Tommy Makinson could play a leading role
after enjoying regular game time throughout last season. Leeds Rhinos will also be

Lee Murphy’s
Anthony Joshua
After a number of scintillating performances including winning the gold medal at
the 2012 Olympics, British heavyweight
Anthony Joshua has jumped straight into
the professional game with huge amounts
of pressure on him to succeed in the
heavyweight division.
His current record of 3 wins and 3KOs albeit
against opponents of very little reputation
showed definite signs that he has what it
takes to be a world champion in the future.
At 6’ 6" he has been in impeccable shape
for all of his fights and proved he has
plenty of power, but his defence, durability

and chin have yet to be tested and only then
will we be able to tell if he is the real deal.
A fight with the reformed Liverpudlian
heavyweight David Price could be on the
cards; however, there is a lot of respect between both boxers and they may want to
avoid each other until 2015.
This year I expect him to challenge for the
British Title or at the very least the English
Title.
Ultimately it's down to him, his trainer and
his promoter, Eddie Hearn to decide on what
route Joshua takes.

21

Swansea vs Cardiff
For the other half of this week's double, I'm looking at the Welsh derby. Last time out, I boldly
predicted a Cardiff win, and they duly delivered at 5/2. It's certainly been a tricky start for new
boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, and it is well documented that the Bluebirds have a very tough fixture
run-in. The Norwegian has brought in several additions already, most notably the double loan
swoop of Fabio and Wilfried Zaha from his ex-club Manchester United. It is paramount to their
survival chances that the both of them settle in quickly, and show maturity expected of Old Trafford starlets. Fierce rivals Swansea are reeling in comparison to their dream campaign in 2012/13.
With injuries to key man Michu and defender Chico Flores, the Swans are struggling to build any
kind of momentum, and themselves will be looking over their shoulders at the dreaded bottom
three. I'm struggling to split the two teams, but new managers do seem to have a solid record in
derby contests. I've managed to stumble across a stunning early price for the visitors of 6/1 with
Stan James only. I can only presume this is a mis-price, and would expect the off-price to be closer
to 3/1 - still very generous. This could be the win that kick-starts Solskjaer's managerial tenure.
Double - Benteke to score anytime @ 11/8, Cardiff to beat Swansea @ 6/1 (18/1 double)

60

I'll be having a small play on the double and lumping on the Cardiff price. Best of luck with
your bets, go well.

RUGBY LEAGUE READY FOR THE OFF
seen as contenders. After the six times
Super League champions failed to win any
silverware last term, the squad will be looking to improve on a disappointing 2013.
Australia forward Mitch Achurch is a player
who could be set for a breakthrough season after a somewhat disappointing first
season in Super League
Last year's beaten grand finalists, Warrington Wolves, are another side who cannot be ruled out for the title. Tony Smith
has experience of Super League success
having won two titles with Leeds Rhinos in
2004 and 2007. Stefan Ratchford will benefit from featuring in the same position in
the team and could be they key to their
first success since 1955.
Huddersfield Giants, led by mercurial
captain Danny Brough, were hugely impressive during the regular season, but
their lack of big game experience meant

SPORT
21-24

they fell short of the biggest prize in European Rugby League in 2013. The Giants are
capable of scoring tries from anywhere on
the pitch and, if they can replicate their
league form from last year with one more
year of experience, they are a side who have
the potential to go all the way.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the table,
relegation has returned to Super League,
and, at the end of the current campaign two
teams will drop out of the division.
The current favourites for the drop are
cash-strapped London Broncos, however I
feel they may have enough to beat relegation. The Broncos lost a huge number of first
team players over the winter break, but have
sufficiently replaced those who have departed with a number of impressive loan
signings, while former St. Helens man Scott
Moore could be vital in their efforts to retain
their Super League status.

SECOND
GUIDE TO
FORMULA 1

F1 cars are the fastest multi-turn circuit-racing cars in the world, owing to
very high cornering speeds achieved
through the generation of large
amounts of aerodynamic downforce.
Formula One cars race at speeds of up
to 350 km/h (220 mph)

22 DRIVERS

11 TEAMS

LEGEND

Michael Schumacher

He is a seven-time Formula One (F1)
World Champion and holds many of
Formula One's driver records, including most championships, race victories, fastest laps, pole positions and
most races won in a single season – 13
in 2004. According to the official Formula One website, he is statistically the
greatest driver the sport has ever seen.

CURRENT CHAMPION

Sebastian Vettel

The German driver is amongst the
most dominant and successful F1 drivers of all time after winning four back
to back titles and is considered as one
of the greatest in the sport.

Boxing Corner

George Groves
He is 25 and boxes in the super middleweight division. He has won 19 fights and
won by KO in 15 of them. He gained massive
respect by the general public after putting up
an emphatic performance in his last fight
against Carl Froch.
He has huge potential and has proved he
can mix it with the best after his last fight.
Groves has a huge year ahead of him. Getting a world title shot against Carl Froch late
last year was definitely deserved however he
lost controversially in a 9th round stoppage.
Groves proved his punch power by becoming the first ever person to knock Froch down

Boxers to watch in 2014

in the first round of a fight. After weeks of
debate and rumours, the IBF have called for
there to be a rematch within the next 90 days
and Groves now has chance to set the score
straight with Froch, and if the fight can be
agreed, I truly believe Groves will win.
His lack of experience from fighting the elite
and world champions was evident in the later
rounds as he abounded his slick technical tactics and became enthralled in Froch's style of
boxing and stood toe-to-toe, exchanging
blows which favoured Froch massively.
If Groves can stick to his game plan he will
become a world champion and I expect him
to defend the belt for years to come.

THE world of sport never stops moving,
and 2014 has been no different.
This will be my chance on a fortnightly
basis to look into the major issues that
we see in sport everyday.
The only place to start my first piece is
“diving”. As the gravity-pull on footballers seemingly continues to grow,
and as dramatic and quite often spectacular as it is can be, it quite often
makes me cringe or nearly even cry.
Oscar has been the latest player at the
heart of criticism from the national press
for his Hollywood stuntmen impressions, but you can’t just blame this little
Brazilian as if it is not him, it is Adnan
Januzaj. And if it is not Januzaj, it is Ashley Young. And if it’s not Young, it is
Suarez who I would definitely award the
gold medal.
The list goes on, and on, and on a little
more, but is there an answer to this?
I think the ‘sinbin’ is something that
should maybe be introduced. Putting
blatant cheats in the cooler for five,
maybe even ten minutes would surely
discourage this behavior.
The almost acceptance that dives, simulation and play-acting to feign injury
are part of the modern game is not just
sad, but embarrassing.
Another issue in football I personally
think is equally as frustrating is when a
physio steps onto the pitch to treat a
player when there is little or nothing
wrong like a school-kid playing sick,
often implemented to kill their oppositions momentum.
Again I think the answer may be to sin
bin these players, lets just say for two
months the Premier League trials that if

Should be no laughing mattter

UCLan 1st’s

6

Manchester 2nd’s

1

Andrew Bell

the physio steps on the pitch to treat a
player that individual must stay off the
pitch for three minutes.

When Glenn Hoddle was
England manager, he
instructed us to go down.

Steve McManaman

But back to the Tom Daley like antics,
and despite often people blaming the
foreign influx of players for the troubles
we see now, there is evidence support
that English players, but more specifically English managers are encouraging
this.
However, there is no surprise really that
managers are turning to these sort of
tactics as in a world where every game is
worth thousands upon thousands of
pounds, and the intense pressure on
managers to win each and every game
is probably only a close second to open
heart surgeons.
I would like to know what you think of
diving, is it that big of a deal? You can
tweet me your views @media_steven or
email me at sjmedia17@gmail.com to
discuss the issue further.

Sports Writer

UCLAN football 1st team maintained
their recent good form with a convincing
6-1 win over University of Manchester
2nd's at the UCLan Sports Arena last
Wednesday.
Going in to the game top of the
league, having played a game more than
second place, the pressure was on
UCLan to beat third-placed Manchester
and extend the gap between the two
teams to six points.
The home team got off to a flyer,
winger Brian Mabhena sliding in at the
back post to put away Tom Kearney's
cross inside a minute.
Following the early goal, UCLan dominated, with the visitors limited to counter
attacks. UCLan were denied what appeared a clear penalty on 16 minutes
when striker Yves Zama was brought
down. The complaints didn't last long as
Zama nodded in Kearney's near post
corner to make it 2-0.
UCLan kept up their performance and
were only denied another goal by some
resolute defending and a few dubious
offside decisions. They eventually broke
through in the 32nd minute when Mabhena beat his man down the touchline
before feeding Zama, whose shot was
parried leaving Mark Johnson a tap in.
The fourth goal came just two minutes

6 Nations Burgers

PRECISION... Mark Johnson making no mistake from the spot

later and effectively settled the game.
Centre back Andy McCreadie rose to
meet yet another UCLan corner and
headed in at the back post with ease.
The crowd only had to wait four more
minutes before cheering another goal
from another corner. Kearney whipped it
in and the visiting goalkeeper came to
collect, only to fumble the ball and see
it turned in by defender Jamie Winne.
Half time came three minutes later, although there was time for Johnson to
produce a lovely flick which almost released the hard-working Zama.
The second half began at 5-0 and continued in much the same fashion as the
first, UCLan creating chances but unable
to find the final ball. Manchester winger
Harry Peel gave the game a jolt on 50
minutes however when he cut inside
from the left and curled a beauty in to
the far top corner, arguably the goal of
the game.
UCLan squandered a chance to reply
immediately when a defensive mix up
led to a penalty area scramble that was
eventually cleared. The home team kept
the pressure up though and continued
to create chance after chance leading to
a succession of free kicks around the
hour mark.
They were awarded a penalty on 65
minutes when a long shot was fumbled

in to the path of the oncoming Mabhena
who went round the goalkeeper only to
be brought down. Mark Johnson duly
converted for his second goal of the
game. The hosts continued to dominate
the match until the end, forcing a string
of saves from the Manchester 'keeper
before the referee blew the final whistle
at 6-1.
UCLan can now turn their attention to
their trip to second-placed University of
Liverpool this coming Wednesday, which
could prove pivotal in the race for the
league title.

FYLDE SHOW FORM
TO CLIMB TO THIRD
Steven Smith
Sports Editor

FYLDE are flying high and are now third
place in National League One, which is
the third tier of Rugby Union after winning three of their four fixtures in 2014.
In their latest fixture they produced
some sensational free-flowing rugby
against Loughborough Students at the
Woodlands, notching up eight tries as
they ran out clear victors 56-22.
Out of the eight, six of them were
beautifully constructed, providing a
great advert for National One and was a
performance which left former-England
head coach Brian Ashton purring in the
Clubhouse after the game.
Given the results elsewhere in the division, Fylde have consolidated their 3rd
place and are now just ten points away
from leaders Doncaster Knights.
Promotion is now on the cards, and
with crowds hitting quadruple figures it
would not be stupid for the playing staff,
coaches or supporters to believe this can
be their year.
Fly-half Chris Johnson has been ley to
that, and is superb at converting at every
opportunity achieving an incredible
100% conversion rate in the clubs latest
outing, while wingers Oli Viney and Oli
Brennand have alsobeen in superb form

CONFIDENCE... All is going well on the coast

as of late. Stand in captain Paul Arnold is
a try-scoring machine.
The forward has scored an incredible
twelve tries this season, accumulating a
impressive 60 points, but does have the
tendancy to pick up a daft yellow card
now and then.
Fylde’s next home game is against
Fourth place Esher on 8th February at
Woodlands, kicking off at 3pm and will
hopefully be another spectacular showing of free-flowing rugby.

PLUTO

Issue 258

NEWS
2-5

FEATURES
6-7

COMMENT
8-9

LIFESTYLE
10-14

CULTURE
15-18

SOCIETIES
19-20

SPORT
21-24

23

SSTO HELP WARRIORS GEAR
UP FOR NEW SEASON

CONTINUED FROM THE BACK PAGE

There has been a lot of speculation
about this deal in recent days and so
we're delighted to add Joe to our squad
at last.
"Joe's acquisition fits perfectly with the
club's clear ethos of bringing in talented,
young, hungry players with lots of long
term development in them."
Along with Lolley came Nahki Wells
from Bradford City who twelve months
previously was preparing for a Carling
Cup Final appearance at Wembley.
During this time, Lolley was turning
out for Midlands Combination side Littleton, netting an incredible 88 goals in
83 games. Back then he could only
dream of scoring a goal past little more
than a man and his dog. Fast-forward to
this month and there he is, stood on the
pitch at the John Smith’s stadium, which
holds a capacity 24,500.
Whoever is writing the script of this
young man’s thrilling early career, an
Oscar beckons. For Lolley’s move signified the end of a whirlwind nine months,
playing for both Littleton and UCLan, to
representing Great Britain at last Summers’ Universiade, which led to his call
up for the England University side before
the Non Leaguers came knocking.
When Lolley spoke to Pluto back in
September he was asked about his targets this season with Harriers. Back then
he clearly didn’t see what the script-writers had in store for him.
He said: “From a personal point of view,

I hope to just break into the team, keep
improving and hopefully score goals for
the team.”
He didn’t take long to break into the
team, and as time wore on the goals
kept coming, the name ‘Lolley’ was almost a weekly addition to the Soccer
Saturday vidiprinter and had presenter
Jeff Stelling licking his lips.
A series of dazzling displays saw scouts
from the football league take notice but
at the time it seemed Lolley would see
his first year out in the conference.
In early January that changed. In what
must have been the most bizarre ten
days in his young life thus far, starting
with his first competitive hat-trick in a 30 win vs Sailsbury before a miraculous
display against League One Peterborough United saw the Non-League side
through 3-2 in an FA Cup third round replay, with the man himself grabbing the
late winner, drilling hard and low from
fully twenty yards to send his side into a
lucrative fourth round clash with Premier
League giants Sunderland at the Stadium of Light.
That goal shortlisted him as ‘player of
the round’ for round three of the most
famous cup competition in the world.
Lolley described his winning goal as the
“perfect goodbye present to Kidderminster” and he wished them all the luck in the
world against their Premier League opponents as he continued on his journey. Joe’s
final act had him leaving as the clubs’ joint
top scorer with 11 goals.
The goal had little time to sink in as

Pluto Puzzle&Games
Plutoku - Down to Earth

within twelve hours he was putting pen
to paper on a contact which made him a
Championship player and former manager Andy Thorn who had only been in
charge for a few weeks saluted Lolley as
he departed.
He told ITV.com “That was the icing on
the cake for Joe.
“It’s the worst kept secret in the world
that he is moving on but he has been absolutely fantastic for us.
“Joe felt he owed it to his team-mates
to help earn them a great tie at Sunderland and that will be a fantastic day out.”
The 21 year old joins a team with a 105
year history. This is a team which boasts
illustrious former managers such as Herbert Chapman and Bill Shankly, players
of the calibre of Dennis Law. They have
three league titles, won consecutively
between 1923 and 1926, with an FA Cup
arriving in South Yorkshire a year before
in ’22.
The Terriers are now Lolley’s future.
They are currently mid-table in the
Championship with an outside chance of
the play-offs. What happens between
now and the end of the season is yet to
be scripted.
As of yet, Lolley hasn’t pulled on the
blue and white strip but his time will
come, imminently. Ironically had he not
been cup-tied he might have already
made his debut and could his talents
lead to a promotion charge? This remains to be seen. But the script is a work
in progress, and it’s all set for a Hollywood ending.

"I'm really impressed not only with the
top quality facilities, but also with the
professionalism and expertise of all the
staff and students we have worked with
today."
The test day enabled our undergraduate
Sports Science students to gain practitioner experience in working with professional athletes and gave an insight
into the practical developments of elite
sports players. Several students, both at
undergraduate and postgraduate levels,
have also worked with the Super League
club alongside their studies.
The SSTO's Dr Steve Atkins said: "We are
proud of our long-running and mutually
beneficial relationship with Wigan Warriors. It provides our students with a fantastic opportunity to work with elite
athletes and gain valuable experience
that will be an asset when applying for
jobs within the industry."
The fitness tests are part of an on-going

sponsorship deal UCLan has as the 'official university' of the Super League club.
The Warriors also benefit from video
analysis support and a number of university degree places for its players and
staff.

GERMAN FOOTBALL ON THE UP
Bradley Poole

FOOTBALL clubs all over England are
struggling to turn a profit financially, including some Premier League clubs. We
have seen former top flight teams like
Portsmouth and Coventry slip into administration, struggling to stay afloat,
but all is different in Germany.
The Bundesliga posted a record turnover
of 2.17bn euros (£1.78bn) in the 2012-13
season to remain the second biggest
league in Europe. The 4.4% rise means it
stays behind only the English Premier
League.
Only one of 18 teams in Germany’s
equivalent to the Premier League failed
to record a profit. The German top division may be the second best in Europe,
but it is also the most attended league
in the world.
However, the average attendances
have slipped from last year to 41,914
from 44,293. German sides have been
notoriously good to their fans in the
past, for example when Bayern Munich

Plutoku - Out of this world

cut prices for a Champions League game
against Arsenal to help their loyal spectators with travel cost for the trip to London.
The unpredictability in the German
league helps draw spectators and money
into the game. Four different sides have
won the title in the past seven seasons.
The success of teams such as Bayern
Munich and Broussia Dortmund in the
champions league have helped draw in
fans from all over the world with the way
they play the game.
The admiration for the passing football
the sides play have meant television
deals from all over the world to help
fund the clubs, to keep them turning a
profit.
The league may be rated the second
best in the world, but the FA and the Premier League should take note of how the
league has developed and funding their
clubs.
The gap between the two leagues is
closing quick.

Brain teasing riddles

1 - I am the beginning of the end, the end of every place.
I am the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space.
2 - I move slowly but I'm dead.
I leave and then I'm back.
I'm clear and then I'm red.
I'm many neurotics' snack.
What am I?
3 - Samuel was out for a walk and it started to rain. He did
not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His
clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got
wet.
How could this be?
4 - I'm tall when I'm young and I'm short when I'm old.
What am I?

“8 leagues in 9 months, don’t give
up your dreams kids”.
This simple tweet sums it all up;
Posted by former UCLan student
Joe Lolley after he completed his
move to Championship side Huddersfield Town from Non-League
Kidderminster Harriers earlier this
month.
The 21 year old from Redditch
cost The Terriers a sum in the region of £250,000 and even before
the ink was dry he was on the
bench at Loftus Road for a league
match vs Harry Redknapp’s Queens
Park Rangers.
Huddersfield manager Mark Robbins made no attempt to hide his
feelings when it came to Lolley and
he told the official HTFC website:
CONTINUED ON PAGE 23

SSTO HELP WARRIORS
PREPARE FOR NEW SEASON

Michael Black

HARD WORK...Wigan star Epalahame Lauakibeing put through his paces

PR & New Media for SSTO

THE School of Sport, Tourism and the Outdoors
(SSTO) has been helping double winning
Wigan Warriors prepare for the defence of
their rugby league titles.
The Super League and Tetley's Challenge
Cup holders are back in training and have
been put through intensive pre-season fitness tests by staff and students from our Centre for Applied Sport and Exercise Science
(CASES).
The Warriors players were subjected to a
range of physiological checks, including the
gruelling VO2 max assessment which pushes
the athlete to exhaustion to test their aerobic

endurance. Warriors have visited SSTO for
fitness testing for the last four years, and the
session comes on the back of a demanding
pre-season training camp in Florida ahead
of their opening Super League game against
Huddersfield on 7 February.
Head Coach Shaun Wane was on hand to
watch the players' assessments: “Wigan
have won six trophies in four years following
a very thorough pre-season fitness regime.
The scientific tests SSTO perform allow us
to tailor individual training programmes for
the players and over the last few years we
have set a very high endurance standard,
which can give us an edge going into the
new season.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 23