Most kids wouldn’t think of approaching it the way you have. I think there’s a tendency when a parent is slipping into Alzheimer’s for the child to want to try to “fix” it by trying to force the parent to remember that people are gone or that they’re 1,000 miles away from the home they’re talking about. Really, the greatest blessing you can give them is to just provide the moment to moment happinesses that they can appreciate. I know that’s what I’d want if I was in that state.

Oh, thank you so much, Michael. You are very kind. I’ve learned from reading, taking classes and others’ experiences that the worst thing you can do is argue reality with someone who has dementia. It makes a difference when I just let mom believe what she believes, unless it’s something that upsets her. Then I have to go into reassurance mode. This has really taught me a lesson in patience.

Thanks Lois. Mom and I are still talking, but it’s never a normal conversation. She always wants to go home. Or she focuses on her purse and money. Or she asks repetitive questions. One positive is that she is still spunky. That may be what keeps her going.

This is a sad story, Mary. I give you great credit for the encouraging way you’re handling this. I have been through this many years ago and I witnessed this not long ago. I know how hard it can be. Know that you are doing a good thing. Your mom has a wonderful daughter.

I also helps those that might deal with it and get frustrated or even sadder. Going with the flow, so to speak, is a good process. She isn’t told that which she cannot comprehend. As a good Buddhist teacher of mine said, “A little bit of hope is a god thing.” I wish I could HUGG you too.

I know, Joanne, but all I can do is accept mom’s desire to go home and keep making up stories why I can’t take her there. Although, I am waiting for the day when she has a moment of clarity (or spunkiness) and tells me I’m full of it.

Thanks H. My main concern with mom is that she not be anxious and upset about going home, her purse, or anything else. I know that doesn’t always happen, but whatever I can do to calm her fears, alleviates some of mine. I also know that there are aides where she lives that are very kind to her and try to do the same.

We went through this with my husband’s Mom who, after 25 years, was more like my own mother. She would say she wanted to go back to Galveston to see the old house. I wanted desperately to take her but even simple trips out for a ride would exhaust her so it was not possible. I like to think she visited there in the many hours she spent sleeping. We couldn’t be sad for her, having lived to the age of nearly 101. She deserved a rrst when she make the journey onward. Your Mom raised you to be wise and loving..

To live to 101 is remarkable. Before mom’s dementia worsened in May, mom had asked about taking a ride to see the family home in Milwaukee. I never took her there because of the distance and because she wouldn’t have been able to see it with her poor vision. I think she has a clearer and happier vision in her mind now and that’s why she longs to be there.

When you think anout it, we all do this trick with memory. Even though many truly are remarkable, we tend to polish up our favorites and make them shine brighter than even the actual event, place or time may have been. It is a memory of the heart that we cling to more than the physical place. Hugs to your Mom.