Monday, January 9, 2012

It's-a-match-dot-com

I found the man of my dreams online. Not on Craiglist or MySpace or anything weird like that. It was way more legitimate. I found him here: www.itsnotamatch.com

The guy who writes this blog is pretty much my soul-mate and here are a few reasons why:

1) He uses proper grammar and spelling. 2) He wrote, "The last weight I lifted was my cat."

3) He tweeted, "I have no idea what my theoretical girlfriend would eat for dinner, but it seems my cat likes avocado."

4) He wrote, “I do front load a lot of my dates with hardcore racial humor.”5) He tweeted, "Pretty sure my date lost interest when I told her I had a cat. I didn't even mention that I dress her up."

Note the Jewish bear sitting next to the TV that has been unplugged and unused for 2 years because I don't care about television. Also, note how stunning this photo is. Also, note how long this caption is.

Basically, he had me at cat. And you know how I feel about good punctuation and a well-timed [politically incorrect] joke. I just wish he knew how I felt. Maybe I need to email this to him as a testimony of my love. If only I could virtually spray my email with some perfume so he could know how serious I am. I think he'd be both flattered and a little terrified. But that might work in my favor. I know many girls who have scared men into dating them. This is a tactic I have not yet tried, so it's worth a shot.

So, "B" of itsnotamatch.com, if you're reading this, I think there is a real future for us. Though, I believe you live in LA so you're going to have to relocate to the east coast. Unless you have a lot of frequent flyer miles--that could work, too. Also, I don't know if you have another job in addition to blogging, but I hope you can financially support me because I'm looking forward to not having to work. We can discuss all of this in more detail on our first date.