Celebrate Your Uniqueness

It was like any typical Friday morning. Nothing eventful happened. There was nothing to be upset, angry, or depressed about…but I was a little of all those things.

For some reason certain things I saw on social media made me feel this way. Several friends just got engaged, someone is celebrating because they got a new job, someone is posting pics of their Hawaiian getaway, someone bought a new house…oh you know…sutff that makes the green-eyed monster come out to play.

It’s hard in those moments because you truly want to be happy to see your friends doing great things, and are genuinely happy for them, but then that sad, victim-ey question always arises, “what about me?”

Oh I’m sure you’ve all said it and thought it at one point…if not, congratulations, you are a much better human being than I am.

But like always I let myself have a five minute pity party until the moment passes. And it always passes eventually. Why? Because we are resilient human beings, and each one of us has a uniqueness that is unlike anyone out there, and that my friends is what we should be celebrating.

I have not lived the “conventional life” per say. What do I mean by that? Well I did go to college, but beyond that I’ve been a bit all over the place when it comes to “society’s standards of success.” I’m still not married (and have never been), I don’t have kids, I’ve never owned a house, and I’ve taken a huge cut financially with my career as a freelancer, which started when I was 38. Not to pick on Oprah again, but I remember when she was in her 40’s and how she said you are just so much more aware and have so much more figured out, to which I say, “ha!” I just figured out that I really have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Yay me! 🙂

And I know it’s not just me. After my trip home to Detroit in June, my unofficial scientific research showed that a lot of my friends my age are having that WTF wake up call as well. It’s like you approach a huge fork in the road that either says, “go this way and it will be super scary, adventurous, fun, uncertain, but a great growth experience,” or “go this way and live the same life you always have that is boring, dull, soul-sucking, and bland, but safe and predictable.”

Now by all means I’m not suggesting that if you graduate from college, get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, get a promotion, buy a home, work the 9-5, then retire that you are somehow living a soul-sucking, boring life. On the contrary! What I’m saying is perhaps that IS your uniqueness and that’s great, but it isn’t mine, and their ain’t nutin’ wrong wit dat!

So on that one Friday when I let my feelings pass and the day went on, I got an email asking me how to start a blog since I basically have that knowledge now (and not the first time I’ve been asked in the last couple of weeks), which makes me feel good. Where I was once the student, I have become the teacher.

In fact looking back over the last year when I wondered if certain things I was doing was “really worth it in the long run,” I can say, “hell yeah!” I have learned a skill which not everyone has, and I need to celebrate that.

In fact, I need to celebrate EVERYTHING that is unique about me. That means skills, talents, my body, my looks, my weird sense of humor…everything!

So when I play volleyball and I’m not one of those girls who can pull their sexy blonde hair out of ponytail and have it look absolutely perfect (I sweat so much that it actually holds the shape of a ponytail when I pull the rubber band out), I can think to myself, “I may not have perfect hair, but I can run fast.”

But the trick is to find that within yourself, because it’s way too easy to get caught up in external validation, isn’t it? I mean how many times have you ever posted a status update on FB and you knew it was profound, witty, or just plain awesome, and you just wait for the “likes” to start pouring in (raises hand). You’re feelin’ pretty darn spectacular in that moment aren’t you? 🙂

But then sometimes you post what you think is going to be the “post of your generation” in your blog, only to find you don’t have many comments, or it completely gets ignored in link love (raises hand again)?

If that’s the case, maybe it’s time to do some personal inventory. What, if NO ONE BUT YOU, knew what made you special or unique?

Do you have a big heart? Are you a good person? Are you generous? Do you see the best in people? Do you hope your friends and family succeed?

So whenever you’re feeling blue that you are somehow behind the curve in life, remember how amazeballs you are regardless of all that “stuff.” Even supermodels get depressed….they don’t eat when they are depressed like I do…but depressed nonetheless.

What unique qualities do you possess! Brag away..and I promise not to be jealous. And if I am I won’t tell you anyway. 🙂

Hey Tonya, I can totally relate to this. Seems like lately everyone is out and about doing something like getting engaged, married or buying a house on my FB feed. It’s starting to get to me a lot, it has been one of the most difficult lessons for me in my twenties learning to let go of ‘goals’ I can’t necessarily achieve on my own i.e. getting married. Embracing our uniqueness is a message I want to focus on for the next week or so, there’s only one of me, so I want to appreciate it!http://personallyfindnancys.blogspot.com

Excellent that you’re working on that! I didn’t know you were back blogging so I’ll check in!

Alexa Mason

I think I am at a point in my life right now where I am actually happy with myself. I have taken a lot of time over the past couple of years to think about it where I want to be and what actually makes me happy. I am still on the road to making some of those changes but I feel good that I have done something about them. I still have those momentary envy moments of others but they usually subside rather quickly. Plus, I deleted my personal Facebook account so that certainly makes thing a little easier.

That’s awesome you were able to delete your account. I’m not there yet since I’d end up missing events and birthdays and such, which is the main reason I’m on there. And it is nice to reach out to people easily when I need to, but I certainly don’t need to be on there as much as I am, I mean was. 🙂 Glad to hear how much great work you’ve done on yourself!

I am happy with my home life, it is just the work part that I need to get sorted. I hate having to go to work everyday at a job that I no longer enjoy. My issue is that this job allows me to work some pretty cool hours which in turn enables me to be able to work on my online income plans. It is also relatively close to home so again I am saving time by not having to travel very far.

Anyway, I feel that the people who are often the happiest are the ones who don’t care what others get up to. They don’t compare their lives against other peoples. I honestly think that’s the trick. Be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place.

“Anyway, I feel that the people who are often the happiest are the ones who don’t care what others get up to.” Totally agree…it’s just that we’re human and sometimes it’s hard. I also feel you on the job thing. I’m so over the video work Im doing and LOVE blogging so much!

Great post, Tonya. I like to think that my “unique” quality has always been that I’m willing to work hard and ‘get the job done’ or in other words I’m reliable. I hate letting people down, which inevitably happens because we all only have 24 hours a day and can’t make everyone happy. I love helping others and I wish I had unlimited time to help everyone with whatever it is they need help with – working on their house, learning new skills, etc. Definitely appreciate this post!

You do put in a lot of hard work DC! I do believe that is a unique and great quality about you. Your dedication to see things through…ok, but on that note, please do take some time for yourself. 🙂

Holly Johnson

I would take all the Facebook stuff with a grain of salt anyway. People only show you the part of their lives that they want you to see anyway, not all of it. I have a friend from high school who posts a daily brag about something- her husband bought her flowers, he bought her something, they’re going on vacation, etc. etc. etc., and one day her updates stopped. I found out later that they got a divorce somewhere in there=/

oh wow! Yeah I have seen that happen on FB. I had to hide one-sided status updates like that because it just got so, “hey look at me, I’m lovable!” FB is so weird! I’m avoiding it more and more these days, although I don’t think I could get off it entirely.

Well said Tonya that each individual has his/her own uniqueness. Only thing is you need to identify it. It is very important to know what makes you feel happy and I am happy being at home after quitting my regular job. I have been loving my blogging job now and would like to continue further

We have very similar goals with the blog! You guys are off and running and doing very well!

CanadianBudgetBinder

I admit I laughed out loud about the sweat and the pony tail only because I could totally envision you in that moment. I think sweat means hard work and with that I know you are a hard worker, beautiful and deserve everything you desire in life. You are correct,we are all unique in our ways. I would still write if no one read my blog because I know that the passion I have inside my heart for life will find it’s way into the homes of those that care. Enjoy your day Tonya… you sweaty, fast running volleyball girl!!x

I’m just going to print out all your comments and post them to my mirror or something. You have a way of making a gal feel awesome! 🙂 Your wife is one lucky lady!

alwayshungry4

I laughed at the perfect hair comparison when playing volleyball since I think like that, too – I’m usually drenched and red-faced after a run, I get so jealous at all the pretty sweaters! haha I absolutely loved this post, because I agree that embracing your inner uniqueness regardless of external motivators is key. For me, I kind of like that I’m awkward and dorky – some people don’t get it, but that’s okay, because it’s enough to crack myself up, at least. 😉

Hmm..another insightful post. I think my uniqueness comes from knowing I have lived a life very different than a lot of people and thats okay. I am glad I am not the only one whose still figuring it out 🙂

I think it’s going to be a life long process of figuring it out. Just when you have it figured out is when you croak. lol!

Kim@Eyesonthedollar

I have really bad work out hair too! I think no matter what your situation, you always feel that way. I have what you would call the “typical” life I guess, but I still feel not good enough when I have friends who make everything from scratch and raise their own goats to make homemade cheese. My family thinks I’m the black sheep because I don’t act like a typical southern woman. I think you do need to celebrate your own uniqueness, but it’s hard not to try and be like everyone else sometimes.

OMG I think I would be a black sheep in the south too. That’s so Martha! I think these kinds of feelings comes in waves so yes it’s always a good idea to “check in with yourself” and see what great things are going on in your own life. Chances are someone else admires those skills that you have!

“When is it my turn?” has crossed my mind more times than I care to admit. I am genuinely happy for others success and good fortune, but I am also human. 🙂 When those moments occur, I always remind myself of my own blessings. We are definitely all unique (Thank God!) and we need to celebrate our own uniqueness and others. I have to laugh – there have been times that I thought I wrote the most brilliant, insightful post EVER and it receives the fewest comments, tweets, zero link love and likes. Go figure. Glad you are celebrating who you are, Tonya, because I like you just the way you are. 🙂

I’ve been struggling with the green-eyed monster lately myself. Our friends who seem to get handed every thing in life and never have to work recently declared themselves debt free. Depressing! We work so hard and never seem to get ahead. I’m trying my best to focus on MY life, but it’s definitely distracting. I would still write if no one read my blog – heck I already do haha. Writing is a release for me. I’m working on figuring out my life and what makes me happy.

I don’t think anyone is entirely immune to the green-eyed monster. Those kinds of FB messages almost certainly comes in waves, and most posts now I take with a grain of salt because everyone is posting their best stuff.

Girl Meets Debt

I don’t know if there’s anything too unique about me except maybe that I’m another female PF blogger, who has big student loan debt and used to be somewhat of a shopaholic? Oh ya I recently got engaged too. Definately makes me very UNIQUE in the blogging world right? 😉 On a serious note, great post lady. I really feel like this is something Carrie Bradshaw could have wrote! (This is a compliment since she is my hero!)

C’mon there is WAY more to you than that! I don’t even know you in person but you come across as someone very sweet and positive…and funny! Thank you for the “Carrie” compliment! That means a lot since I was such a huge fan of that show. 🙂

Kyle James

Love that link about FB annoyances. I have found that people that post stuff like that on FB are typically miserable and trying to overcome some shortfall with their own “uniqueness”.

I loved that article as well. The funny part was right after I read that I went back to FB and someone had posted a short and vague status update about how life was hard. 🙂 For me I’m going to be a lot more conscious about what I post from not on.

Great post Tonya! I was checking my FB yesterday and I swear I thought to myself”if I read about one more person getting engaged, pregnant or married, I’m outta here!!!”. On a different note, I’m intrigued, how many is “2.5 kids”? 🙂

2.5 kids is just a saying, but it could mean the dog or cat. 🙂 Yeah, I’ve been staying off FB a little more and it’s actually helping ease that a little bit.

debtfreeoneday

I have been there so many times, thinking ‘Why me?” Or “Why not me?” Anyone who hasn’t is really lucky I think! But there’s always someone out there worse off than us and also someone who wishes their life were like ours. Yes, probably even my debt riddled life! Because I am lucky in other areas! I totally agree that we should celebrate who we are. 🙂

This was like reading my own thoughts lately, Tonya! Seriously, I´ve been feeling exactly like this lately, because there are soooo many friends who are getting married, having children, getting a dog, travelling the world, buying houses, living in the US; all the things I want! But I´m not there yet. I´m doing my own thing, and I am happy, I really am.
Anyway, thanks for writing this, Tonya! this was just what I needed!

This is so funny…I’m speaking about this very thing tomorrow in our chapel service at school. We are all made special with unique personalities and abilities. But often we can’t see those positives ourselves and try to become someone that we are not. I work on writing my personality into my blog posts and I think that comes across as real and genuine. That makes it more enjoyable for me as well.

I absolutely love this post! Lately, I’ve been caught up with all the good stuff that my friends/family are doing. Instead of being 100% proud and supportive, I’d say a good 70% of me is envious. Celebrating my uniqueness isn’t something I’m used to, but I know that I need to start. Thanks for this!

Yeah, it’s definitely hard to ALWAYS be happy and supportive for others. We want to, but deep down it can be hard. It’s because we are human. 🙂

Catherine

You know I love this post Tonya. I wish I knew what made me unique. Maybe the fact that I came from a terrrrrible upbringing including a broken marriage and a lot of booze, but I didn’t phase me at all. I got the education I wanted, even though it cost me a fortune, married to a sweet man and have a baby. I went after the life I wanted (and wished for as a child) and now that I have it I just have to pay the price 😉

I think about whether or not I’m fitting into the “mold” a little too often. Mostly I want to look like I’m fitting into that mold so people will leave me along and let me do what I enjoy. I don’t really like the same things that a lot of 25 yr old dudes like, but recently I’ve been becoming more ok with that. I love inspiring posts!

Hope you keep with your pursuit to find your own mold. Hmm, that sounded kind of funny 🙂

E.M.

This is one of the reasons I stay off of social media sites. A lot of people from college are getting jobs in their field, going on vacation, and enjoying life. They appear to be doing better than me, but I can be decently sure they are all making the minimum payment on their loans and spending all their money on alcohol and trips to Atlantic City. Or spending their parents money. So I would have to say the one thing that sets me apart from most people in my life is that I am financially aware and responsible. I had to work to be where I am and I’m fine with that! On a more personal note, I am a great listener and I enjoy trying to help people when they need advice. Keep on being amazeballs, Tonya!

Great message! I think it’s so important to be grateful in life for the qualities that you possess. I think though that finding your skills and talents can be difficult. One thing I’m good at is seeing things realistically and practically. I’m also pretty laid back.

Great stuff Tonya. I definitely let myself get a little too carried away sometimes with how many comments or how many shares a particular post gets. I mean, that thing was awesome and only a few people had anything to say? WHY ISN’T THIS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEW YORK TIMES???

Have you ever read zenhabits? Leo talks a lot about learning to enjoy the process of something and not focusing on the results. Not always an easy thing to do, but it cuts right to the heart of what you’re talking about here. Enjoy yourself and what you do for its own sake, not for how others react to it.

Thank you for this! I easily get depressed and jealous on social media too, which is why I try to limit it. I also feel so behind financially, being almost 30 and nothing to show for it. I have to remember that everyone has their “pile of $***” to deal with. Mine are student loans and other things….others? They have their own, which I don’t. Everyone has their own cards to play and we can’t really compare, because as you said, we ARE unique. Our choices, bodies, brains, everything make us who we are. If I step back from the pretty pictures and happy posts, I know they deal with stuff that I don’t have to. And that my life currently is about the choices I’ve made, good or bad.

Damn social media! I love this. Three of my friends were married this weekend. Two to each other and another friend to her boyfriend. It was an amazing weekend. Then, another one of my friends competed in her first Ironman. Then there was the super cute baby born on Sunday. Yep, it has been intense. Then my guy friend told me he was buying a ring for his girlfriend. And the wheelchair bound dwarf lady (she’s annoying btw) on the bus depressed all of us because her wedding is next summer. All of the singles ladies on the bus were like..Dang. But back to social media sometimes it can be a little rough. I just have to focus on myself. I’m awesome-at least, that’s what I tell myself.

Well said! I guess everyone is looking for reassurance on FB, the workaholic posting pics of the only 2 days he took of holiday, the boring housewife puttine the only pic where she looks good when she has tried to lose the baby weight and post partum depression for months, etc. You only see a small part of their lives.

AvgJoeMoney

Wow! I find that the external validation bug hits me about once a month now (my monthly….). That’s when I try to get back into ME and what I’M doing, and to focus back toward my own goals, not the critique or lack-of-critique from others.

Great stuff here.

Done by Forty

I, thankfully, have not yet figured out how to use the Facebooks. I have a page for the blog, but I think I’m doing it wrong. Maybe a blessing in disguise?

Celebrating our own uniqueness, especially when it’s not for external validation, seems like a pretty sweet goal and some good advice. Thanks, Tonya.

Laurie @thefrugalfarmer

LOVE this, Tonya!! I always talk about this with the kids when they are feeling out of place. How incredibly boring the world would be if we were all the same. That’s like only eating mac and cheese for every meal, always. No, thank you!

Being in my mid-twenties, this seems like my whole life right now! Marriage, kids, houses … and I’m stuck in debt living the life most people have to that are 5 years younger than me and still in college. Daily gratitude sure does help though. Weirdly enough, I just wrote a post that touched on a few of these points. It sometimes just takes daily reminders that what other people are doing is no big deal — enjoy the experiences of your own life!

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