Kickass, the doorstop dog – October 27, 2016

Kickass, the doorstop dog, says his keeper, having misspent his life as a newspaper freak, is nontheless becoming increasingly crotchety about the annoying things newspapers do to piss off readers even before they have read a word. First there were the countless inserts–slippery damn things that slide out and sail under the furniture, then there were the half-page wrap-in ads that have to be stripped out using three hands, then the stick-on ads–sometimes combined with the wrap-ins to create something akin to a stick-on mouse trap, and then comes the little scented squares that scatter across the floor like falling leaves and expect you to pick them up and smell of them, which everyone does, while wondering just what the hell the newspapers will think of next to irritate their dwindling readership? How about something you squeeze so it makes the sound of a fart? The keeper is napping now.