Dear Dog And Cat ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This one is smoking! It is for all our animal lovers. It
comes from a forward from our friend Sandi. This one left
me with a question that I asked Paul, 'What is the
difference between a coyote and a wolf?' - he wasn't sure
so it became a 'look it up dear' thing. Which I did and
added to the end for all you quizzies like me.
___ _...__
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.' .--._ '-._ .'.' \ '.
/ /__ `'. '. / / `\ \
/ / '-. `\ \ /'/' \ |
| | '. `\`\ / / _.-'| |
| | \ \ \ / / .' | /
\ / '. | |,-~-,/ / .' \ /
'--' __\ /__ '._.'
." '. .' ".
| '. .' |
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'----' .-' ___ '-. `----'
jgs ( ' ' )
'. _ .'
'--/ \--'
|#|
\_/
Miracle Coyote
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coyote.html
---
...Heart Touching one! Thanks Sandi!
-<>-
Our last hottie comes from a forward from our friend PatH
and animations sent to us from our friend Jo Ann. It is one
I think you will enjoy! Be sure to check it out here:
,-.-.
/ ,-. \
,-. ( |a a| ) ,-.
: `( : o ; )' :
____|____(_.>--->From TheFunnyBone:
Did You Ever Notice.....
____ ...that the husbands of the ten best-
_ .-;\)___\ dressed women are never on the
|_| \_/ ,---\ list of the ten best-dressed men?
| | / _/ e e
\_/ _%&&%%&_ |(` >| ...that health clubs advertising on
___T__\______/__ \| =/ TV never show people who look like
'====\\\ ^/====='_/ ,--' they need to be there?
`\ \ .'`._ (
\ \ / ``\ ...that the older you get, the better
\ \/ / ) ) an athlete you used to be?
\`'._/ -'.-'\
\__/ / \-'\______ ...that the phone will not
/._'-./ \ ___`'-. ring for the first 15
/` | '-.\ '--`` /-\\\ minutes of the day, unless
/` / | ( ) | you are late; if you're
/ / | \ (-- late, it will ring contin-
/ '-._ | /'-.'# uously until you arrive?
`._ `'-._/ /#__#__#
;";-..__ | | # # ...that a boring person is
; | |``-' |# # never hoarse?
/ ;\ | |__#__
.' / / / || | ...that the waitress who
jgs /' .' | | || | hovered over your table
/ .' | | || | before you were ready to
,| / \ | || | order is nowhere to be
\\\/( (`-/\__ || found when you're ready
\__`\ [_--.__\ for the check?
===================================================================
+------------ Bizarre Newspaper Ads ------------+
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round
bottom for efficient beating.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in
variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in
your home for $1.00.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find
person.
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Wesley :)
sSSSSSs
SS;; SSSS
S< ?SSS
S> SSS
___)(____
( \/ )
\||, )( ( / (
\\/ /\ / \ \
\./ )==( / /
/ \//'
( '|\`
\ /
\ /
) (
/ \
jgs / \
/ \
`-........-'
/ ) / )
/_/|/_/|
>Maxine's Maxims
Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.
When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say,
"Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."
I'm a pretty patient person. Just as long as I'm not kept waiting for
anything.
I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.
Remember the "Twilight Zone" episode where a man went all day without
saying anything stupid? That'll never happen in real life.
It's National Chili Week! Which makes next week National Stay Indoors
Week.
I learned something important about burning leaves. Wait until they fall
off the trees.
With each passing week, the days are getting a little bit shorter. Kind
of like me.
Here's a spooky Halloween mystery: How do they fit so many calories into
those mini candy bars?
Sadie Hawkins Day is when women hit on men. If noogies count, I hit on
'em every day.
I'm thinking of renewing my vow ... to never get married again.
Breaking up is hard to do. Unless you're mad and there's a vase nearby.
The best thing about late November is watching people who make homemade
Christmas gifts start to really panic.
I could be a member of the "Polar Bear Club." Yeah, I stand in freezing
cold water whenever someone flushes the toilet while I'm in the shower.
I enjoy battling mall crowds for the hot new Christmas toys. Oh, I don't
buy the toy -- I just like battling.
Ever notice how the guy with the light-up Christmas tie always leaves
the party alone?
I found a surprise or two under the tree -- the dog hates going outside
in the snow.
I've got Christmas fever. That's what I get for skipping my flu shot.
My personal goal for this year is to get in the way of other people's
goals.
I wish those long-distance phone companies would offer a special low
rate on those calls to relatives that rattle on and on about nothing.
Now that the holidays are over, there are a lot of bargains out there --
in the form of slightly used gifts I've returned.
I cut my heating costs by 30 percent. Just let my legs go numb below the
knee.
January is designated as National Diet Month -- mainly because December
is National Eat-Like-a-Pig Month.
I'm getting cabin fever. Mainly from drinking syrup straight from the
bottle.
Thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just
ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains.
It's National Hot Tea Month! Throw a tea drinker into a harbor to
celebrate.
The handy thing about credit cards is that they're a great way to pay
off your credit cards.
Got the all-animal channel and the all-history channel, but I'm still
waiting for the all-whining channel.
---
...She's pretty funny! Thanks Wesley!
Be Sure to Check Out Maxine On Jesus:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html
-<>-
|/|
|/|
|/|
|/| Darwin Awards:
|/|
|/|
|/| /¯) Those Who Accidently
|/|/\/
|/|\/ Kill Themselves
(¯¯¯)
(¯¯¯) By Being
(¯¯¯)
(¯¯¯) Not So Bright
(¯¯¯)
/¯¯/\
/ ,^./\
/ / \/\
/ / \/\
( ( )/)
| | |/|
| | |/|
| | |/|
( ( )/)
\ \ / /
\ `---' /
`-----' PhS
>2009 Darwin Award Nominiees
>Saw It Coming!
2009 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(27 June 2009, Pennsylvania) A severe storm damaged power lines and left
17,000 homes without electricity. Mieczyskaw Mil, 64, was one of the
affected parties. His power line serviced only 17 homes and therefore
was one of the last to be repaired. Seven hours after the line fell,
Mieczyskaw Mil finally lost his patience.
The old man had been shooed away repeatedly by firefighters who were
guarding the power line. "Police and firefighters literally chased him
away. We did everything we could," said Dick Martinkovic, commissioner
of public safety in Sullivan County. But they were not prepared for the
homeowner's sudden bold move.
Frustrated with waiting, Mil emerged from his home shortly after
midnight with an industrial circular saw in his hand and plastic bags on
his feet. He stood in a puddle of water and attempted to saw through a
4800-volt feeder line that was dangling off the pole. He fell and became
tangled in the hissing and buzzing live wire. While emergency responders
waited for utility workers to shut down the power, Mil was busy being
killed by continuous electrocution.
The story says it all. He was repeatedly shooed away from the power
line, but insisted on cutting it while standing in a puddle, and now is
safely out of the gene pool. Thanks for doing our species a favor, Mil!
-<>-
>She Talks Faster Than She Walks
2009 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(30 May 2009, Louisiana) Back seat drivers beware! Annoyed at how slowly
her boyfriend was driving, Tamera B, 22, encouraged him to pick up the
pace so she could get to work on time. Joking that it would be faster to
walk to work, she opened the door of the pickup and stuck her foot out
before falling to her death. Deputies of the jurisdictional Sheriff's
Office stated that the truck was traveling at highway speed on I-12 at
the time of the incident.
Her death was ruled accidental.
-<>-
>Fool's Gold
2009 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(5 February 2009, India) Bachelor lottery agent Pravin Kuse lived with
his brother's family in Vasai. His own house, an abandoned 100-year-old
building, was located a few meters away.
Some legends hold that a pot of gold lies buried at the end of the
rainbow, but Kuse learned in a dream that an ancient pot of gold was
actually buried beneath his house. He decided to follow his dream and
dig for that gold. He shared his plans with his aged mother, warning her
to keep quiet to avoid a fight over the fortune.
The dream told him to dig beneath the staircase so after lunch, every
day without fail, Kuse would take his spade and dig a little deeper
beneath the stairs. The neighbors had no idea that days and nights of
digging had resulted in a fifteen-foot deep tunnel. The innovative
gold-digger had even rigged a remote-control toy car to carry a
flashlight to assist him in the dark.
One day the 32-year-old lottery agent did not return home, and his
worried relatives lodged a missing persons report. Police were
dispatched to the old house where they discovered that the floor had
caved in. The soil beneath the staircase becomes moist at a depth of 15
feet due to its proximity to the sea, and the unsupported walls of the
tunnel had collapsed. Within a few hours an earthmover had excavated
Kuse's body from the debris, along with a spade and the innovative
mobile flashlight.
The lottery agent's number was up.
In searching for a pot of gold, Kuse may not have had the luck of the
Irish (and why would he, being Indian) but he does have the distinction
of winning a Darwin Award.
---
...Just goes to prove you can't always follow your dreams - especially
when the devil is in the mix!
-<>-
>Double Dipping
2009 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 June 2009, North Carolina) Greensboro was innundated with four inches
of pouring rain in two hours leading to standing water, and stranding
cars on several roads. Rosanne Tippett, 50, was not deterred. She hopped
on her moped and drove to a convenience store where she possibly had a
beer, according to her mother, before deciding to blunder home through
the storm. She phoned home to share her intentions, saying, "My moped
has two rubber wheels, Mom, I'll be fine."
North Carolina does not require a license to own a moped.
Ms. Tippett had acquired hers two years previously after a DUI
conviction.
The Highway Patrol had blocked off several roads that were inundated
with water, including Ms. Tippett's path home. But Ms. Tippett rode
right past the officer and the barriers, lost control of her vehicle,
and fell into the swollen creek below. The officer retrieved rope from
his vehicle and proceeded to haul her from the water.
He then interviewed Ms. Tippett, probably inquiring about her motivation
for speeding through a roadblock during a flash flood. The officer began
to suspect that she had been drinking. When he briefly returned to his
patrol car, Ms. Tippett took the opportunity to confirm his suspicions.
She escaped--by jumping back into the creek!
The Highway Patrol officer attempted to rescue her again, but alas, it
was too late. The victim's mother speculated that her daughter's
motivation for jumping into a flooded creek was to rescue her drowning
moped. "She loved that thing."
---
...Unbelievable! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
_.-'~~`~~'-._
.'` B E R `'.
/ I T \
/` .-'~"-. `\
; L / `- \ Y ;
; /> `. -.| ;
| /_ '-.__) |
| |- _.' \ | |
; `~~; \\ ;
; INGODWE / \\)P ;
\ TRUST '.___.-'`" /
`\ /`
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jgs `'-..,,,..-'`
>West Virginia State Quarter Recall
The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the West
Virginia quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from
each state.
"We are recalling all the new West Virginia quarters that were recently
issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This
action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will
not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones,
or other coin-operated devices."
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined
the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors
worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the West Virginia quarter,
which was created by an West Virginia University graduate," Shackleford
said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel
together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
---
...LOL! What a funny! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
-=Teletubby: Laa-laa=-
.-.
| |
__ / /
/ | ; Also Known As Obaa-Maa-Laa-Laa
| || |
| |'-'
..--" "--..
.' .-'" "`-. `.
.-. / .' `. \ .-.
||\`/ / __ __ \ \'/||
|| `|| //_| |/_\ ||' ||
\\ || `--' `--' || //
\\_\ \ Y / /_//
`--`.`. \-^-/ .'.'--'
> `-.`='.-' <
.' `.
`-._________.-' hjw
>If...
If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter
installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have
laughed and said this is more proof of how inept he is on his own
and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?
If George W.. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take
Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan's holdings of GM
stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special
Olympics, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and
incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a
thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing
videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly
narcissistic and tacky?
If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia , would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the non-
existent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off
as a minor slip?
If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with
people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would
you have approved?
If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to "Cinco
de Cuatro" in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May
(Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you
have winced in embarrassment?
If George W.. Bush had mis-spelled the word "advice" would you have
hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as proof of
what a dunce he is?
If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant
a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he's a hypocrite?
If George W. Bush's administration had okayed Air Force One flying low
over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan
causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually
get what happened on 9-11?
If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims
throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in
New Orleans, would you want it made into a major on going political
issue with claims of racism and incompetence?
If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major
corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so,
would you have approved?
If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had
taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you
have approved?
If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10
years, would you have approved?
So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant
and impressive? Can' t think of anything? Don't worry. He's done
all this in 7 months -- So you'll have three years and five months to
come up with an answer!
---
...No kidding! Thanks Wesley!
Not to mention his 'less then respectable' Czars. That Safe School
Czar sure is a winner - NOT!
Schools Czar Tied to Lewd Readings for 7th Graders?
http://tinyurl.com/ycjgv3w
===================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[POLITICS]
>From Liberty Counsel:
It's "Make-or-Break Week" on ObamaCare
++Now is the time for us to pull out all the stops!
Last night, one Senate aide said the anger between liberal
Senators craving a full-blown government takeover of health
care and moderate Democrats has become "white hot."
I believe this is our sign to fan the flames! If we can
keep Harry Reid from lining up sixty votes - and it's
getting harder for him each day closer we get to the
Christmas break - it is much more likely ObamaCare will
go down to the defeat it so richly deserves!
But don't expect Barack Obama to give up in the face of the
Senate's crumbling consensus. He's calling the entire Democratic
caucus - including independent Joe Lieberman - over to the
White House for a Chicago-style pep rally this afternoon!
Reid is desperate. Obama is desperate. NOW is the time to
apply all the pressure we possibly can!
++As it now stands, ObamaCare WILL fund abortions
++It's "Make-or-Break Week" on ObamaCare...
If pro-life and pro-family citizens are silent now, then
Senators will feel justified in ignoring our viewpoint. The
margins of defeat or victory are very, very tight. Given
the slightest opening, Harry Reid will rush ObamaCare through.
But, as precarious as the situation is right now, it is at
this very time that our leverage is the greatest! We cannot
give our Senators the luxury of ignoring us!
I am asking every member of our Liberty Counsel team to do
three things this week:
#1 - Fax your Senators!
Even if you've done so before - even several times before-please
take a moment right now to fax your two Senators and other key
Senate targets and tell them that you strongly oppose Harry
Reid's liberal health care overhaul. Go here:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=23653&CID=297&RID=22279143
Of course, we always encourage you to send your own faxes if
you prefer. We have provided all the information you need to
reach the key senators here:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=23654&CID=297&RID=22279143
#2 - Call your Senators!
Please... take a moment to call your two Senators - even every
day this week - and let them know you are outraged that the Senate
rejected the pro-life amendment. Then urge them to vote "NO!"
on ObamaCare:
#3 - Pray that God will intervene and stop this murderous bill!
++Obama and Reid are pulling out all the stops and we must, too!
The Obama administration and our Congress have turned their backs
on the desires of Americans. Their agenda is increasingly clear:
Get control of the health care industry, which comprises one-sixth
of our entire economy, at any cost.
And don't doubt for a minute that they'll do whatever is necessary
to get what they want. This is OUR TIME to rise up and take
action as never before to stop this monstrous bill!
Fax and call your Senators and tell them that you are holding
them accountable. We are fast coming to the end of this titanic
struggle over the government takeover of our health care system.
What we do this week is absolutely crucial!
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=23655&CID=297&RID=22279143
Thank you for taking action with me. Every political analyst in
Washington, DC, knows that if ObamaCare doesn't get through the
Senate by Christmas, it will be very, very difficult for it to
pass in 2010.
We are close to overcoming this hideous threat if we take
action together and stay the course!
God bless you,
Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman
Liberty Counsel
-<>-
>From Patriots FaxDC.com:
INHOFE: CLIMATEGATE WILL END CAP-AND-TRADE BATTLE
Tell Congress to Oppose Cap-and-Trade Bill
It will raise energy costs; It doesn't help the environment; It doesn't
work where it has been tried; It will cost Americans jobs:; It is in
effect a hidden regressive tax; It sets a dangerous precedent; It
prevents market forces from working for the environment; It threatens to
put the U.S. at a competitive disadvantage with other countries; It
opens the door to massive fraud and corruption and It threatens to bust
the federal budget at a time when the United States can scarcely afford
it.
FaxDC.com wants to send this urgent and personalized Blast Fax message
to all 535 members of the House and Senate for YOU.
DO NOT BE SILENCED BY ANYONE STAND UP! MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!
TAKE ACTION: Send YOUR blast FAX to ALL 535 Congressman NOW!
To visit FaxDC.com, click here:
http://faxdc.com/
To view Your Fax Message, click here:
http://faxdc.com/tea_bag.htm
To Fax Blast Capitol Hill, click here:
http://faxdc.com/tea_bag_order.htm
To Send a pink slip to Congress, click here:
http://faxdc.com/pinkslip.htm
Fax Specials, click here:
http://faxdc.com/flagbearer.htm
To view the Ultimate Protest Package, click here:
http://faxdc.com/ultimateprotestpackage.htm
Be part of the FaxDC.com Army and subscribe to the Auto-Fax Program
$ 25.00 per month at:
http://www.faxdc.com/friends.htm
Thank You Patriot! Your friends at FaxDC.com
NOTE: Be sure to send this Alert to EVERYONE you know who supports
saving America and Protecting our Middle Class. Thank you!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Police: Drunk woman passed out on horse ----
SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. – Police in Tennessee said a horse
rider participating in a Christmas parade was arrested
when she drunkenly passed out atop the animal. Shelbyville
police said they received a report during Saturday night’s
Christmas parade of an apparently inebriated woman “wear-
ing a red coat who was riding on a white horse” in the
parade, but officers could not locate the woman or her
mount on the Shelbyville square, the Shelbyville Times-
Gazette reported Thursday. Investigators said they found
Patti Lynn Moore, 46, sleeping on top of her horse outside
a North Cannon Boulevard motel about 15 minutes after
receiving the report. Moore was arrested and charged with
public intoxication. She was released after posting $500
bond.
-- Man arrested with geckos in underpants ----
CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand – New Zealand authorities said
a German tourist pleaded guilty to smuggling geckos and
skinks in his underwear. Authorities said customs officers
stopped Hans Kurt Kubusn, 58, Sunday at Christchurch
International Airport and discovered 43 endangered geckos
and skinks hidden in a package concealed in his underwear
and another was hidden in a rolled sock in his luggage,
Radio New Zealand reported Thursday. Investigators said
Kubusn was attempting to smuggle the animals, native to
New Zealand, back to Germany. Kubusn pleaded guilty in
Christchurch District Court to five counts of trading in
exploited species and two counts of hunting protected
wildlife. He was released on bail and is scheduled to be
sentenced Jan. 25.
==============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
,
__ _.-"` `'-.
/||\'._ __{}_(
|||| |'--.__\
| L.( ^_\^
\ .-' | _ |
| | )\___/
| \-'`:._]
jgs \__/; '-.
The following were purportedly taken off of actual
police car videos around the USA...
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in goat poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. ....Sign here."
---
...Ooo They do know what to say to push buttons! LOL! Thanks Sandi!
===================================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
##
###----##
### \
/ ##__
/ ## # --#
: __/ -# :
,' _\ > :
#### :' #########:
########## | ###:
###################### :
####################### :
######################...,'
:
;
;
;
,;
;##########
;###########
,,,,,,,,,;###########
>The ABCs Of Aging
A is for apple, and B is for Boat,
that used to be right, but now it won't float.
Age before beauty is what we once said,
but let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now,
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac.
D is for dental decay and decline;
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line.
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend.
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget! What comes next?
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new.
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears.
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!
-<>-
-|-_
| _
.____,...,____,The Prescription
The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote
out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing.
The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled.
Every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a
railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the
baseball park, and once into the symphony.
He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss.
One day, he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on
the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.
-<>-
,,, ,,,
;" ^; ;' ",
; s$$$$$$$s ;
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;s$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$P""Y$$$Y""W$$$$$
$$$$ p"$$$"q $$$$$
$$$$ .$$$$$. $$$$
$$DcaU$$$$$$$$$$
by "Y$$$"*"$$$Y" aka
dcau "$b.$$" Panda
>The Code
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she
told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know about the
affair, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy
and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know when the baby is born?" she asked. He
replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back.
I'll take care of all your expenses".
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew off to
Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him
at the office and explained "Dear, you received a very strange postcard
in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means".
The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you".
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and
fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort
the distraught wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac
arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two
without".
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Wesley :)
0=========================================================0
|'. FairyMarys .'|
| '. _______________________________________________ .' |
| | /\ /\.-. . .| |
| | '. ________| ` `.' .`. | /______________ .' | |
| | | \ `/ >>-' -`* - | | |
| | | / ,\ ' / | \ ____ | | |
| | | `-'`.:`. | | | | |
| | | > ,`. | | | | |
| | | /-. /.' `. |____| | | |
| | | / _> `- : |\_/| | | |
| | | /` / /-. |q p| /£ | | |
| | ,| / ((___/ __> ( 0 )"""\ __ | | |
| | \/` / } |"^"` | ;`'()__)| | |
| | |\ /'\ .--.( || /=\\ | `\:'.`,\| | |
| | .' -\\--\\-- \\--------"'" -'"""'---//--"//'. | |
| |' DS & jgs '| |
| .'------------------------------------------------ '. |
|.' PetShop '.|
0=========================================================0
>Posted very low on a refrigerator door:
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest
extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the
knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the
door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have
been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is
not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
."";._ _.---._ _.-"".
/_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \
.' / `\ \ /` \ '.
.' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'.
_.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._
.-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-.
/ /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \
| | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ |
\ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | /
\ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / /
`'----'` | '. | `'----'`
jgs \ `/
'. , .'
`-.____.' '.____.-'
\ /
'-'
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they...
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using and/or alcohol abusing people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
---
...Very well said - But WE SO DO LOVE KIDS Too!! Thanks Wesley!
===============================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
/___/____/____/____/_____/_______/______
/_/____/____/___/______/_____/_____/___
/_____/____/______/___/____/___/______/___/
/__/_____/_o__o/____/____/___/_____/____/______
| o__O_\o
| __o \ o
| __o| __) o _______
| | || \_/ o o | ___ |
|_|_||/\_| o | | |
|| | |/_/\_\ o | |__
||_|_/I/ \_\ o |
|___/_/ \_\ o |()
/_/ \_\ o |
/_/ \_\ o o |
/ / ejm \ \ o |_ o o o o
o o o
o
>Quick Jokes
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family for Christmas. She asked a
stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
--------
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the
prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this
shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
--------
Our church used a small donkey from a nearby farm for our Christmas
pageant, which ran four evenings in a row. Elvis, the donkey, was
well-mannered and a popular member of the cast. Each evening, Elvis's
owner brought him to church in a pickup truck before the pageant.
One evening as my visiting adult daughter, Janette, and I walked across
the church parking lot, I saw the donkey being unloaded from the truck.
I said brightly to Janette, "Oh, there's Elvis!"
She looked at me with sorrowful surprise. "Oh, Mom, not you, too."
SUBSCRIBE INFO
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about
Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
==================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Miracle Baby
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smellofrain.html
Thoughts For Today
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thoughts.html
Ice Sculpture Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ices.html
Miniture Wonderland
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html
Amazing Cop Cars
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html
Disney Character Bushes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneybush.html
A Disney Christmas
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html
Redneck Christmas Tree
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html
Bible:The Christmas Story
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html
Lean On Me
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/leanonme.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
This is beautiful!
----- Just once in a while we all need to bbbe reminded
why we love her.
http://sagebrushpatriot.com/america.htm
photos
http://www.slideshare.net/tmmbiti/photosenfolie-0-presentation
Christmas eCard
http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/winter.htm
---
...Very Nice! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
What do you want to do before you die ?
http://tinyurl.com/y88j28k
Forvo: the pronunciation guide !
http://forvo.com/
I Do Dog Tricks
http://tinyurl.com/z86e7
Redneck Playstation
http://tinyurl.com/cplms
Light Show
http://tinyurl.com/ydjjaoc
---
...Very FUN! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Don't Eat While Driving
http://www.buffaloschips.com/t54.htm
Energy Star
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gre3.htm
Exam
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm
Future Engineers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm
Glock Home Protection
http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm
Coconut
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksdfjh.htm
Coffee006
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dskfjhf.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
===================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a "healthy kids fair" on the South
Lawn of the White House. During the event the first lady did 142
swivels with a hula hoop. It's the same hoop that Republicans are
making Barack jump through to get health care passed. (Doug Austin)
President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President
Obama, "Why do people hate you?" Then the little boy turned to Joe
Biden and said, "I know why people hate you." (Conan O'Brien)
President Obama says he'll do whatever it takes to get his healthcare
package passed. Today he said a small boy snuck into the legislation
and the only way to get him out safely was to pass the bill. (Tim
Hunter)
Liberal activists are accusing President Obama of being too slow to
appoint new judges. They claim that the only new judges appointed
during the presidency are Sonia Sotomayor and Ellen DeGeneres. (Conan
O'Brien)
And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration,
Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that
allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called "Don't Ask, Don't —
What Was I Talking About?" (Jay Leno)
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From Our Friend James :)
I am not alone at all, I thought.
I was never alone at all.
And that, of course, is the message of Christmas.
- Taylor Caldwell
God grant you
the light in Christmas which is faith;
the warmth of Christmas, which is love;
the radiance of Christmas, which is purity;
the righteousness of Christmas, which is justice;
the belief in Christmas, which is truth...
~ Wilda English
There's more, much more, to Christmas
Than candlelight and cheer;
It's the spirit of sweet friendship
That brightens all year.
It's thoughtfulness and kindness,
It's hope reborn again,
For peace, for understanding,
And for goodwill to men!
~ Unknown
Friends and relations;
Send salutations;
Just as sure as the stars shine above;
This is Christmas, Christmas my dear;
The time of year to be with the one that you love.
~ Bon Jovi("Bells Will Be Ringing")
-<>-
Obama Quote:
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d055.html
-<>-
National Geographic Photo Of The Day:
This is a Cuban tree frog on a tree in my backyard in
southern Florida. How and why he ate this light is a
mystery. It should be noted that at the time I was
taking this photo, I thought this frog was dead, having
cooked himself from the inside. I'm happy to say I was
wrong. After a few shots he adjusted his position. So
after I was finished with the camera, I pulled the
light out of his mouth and he was fine. Actually, I
might be crazy but I don't think he was very happy
when I took his light away....
http://tinyurl.com/yenh4bs
---
...Awesome! Way too Funny! Thanks James!
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DAAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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