Normally we'd make a bunch of jokes to try to spruce this up, but Syfy's programming is absurd enough on its own merits.

Source: Press Release

It's customary for Ol' Jude Terror to make an elaborate joke out of every press release we run here at The Outhouse, but when it comes to Syfy programming, there's nothing I could say that would be more ridiculous than what they actually put on the air (and I mean that in a good way). With that in mind, here's a press release listing Syfy's new fall lineup:

SYFY’S FALL PROGRAMMING LINEUP FEATURES NEW REALITY SERIES FANGASM AND NAKED VEGAS

NEW YORK – August 27, 2013 – This Fall, Syfy will take viewers to imaginative new programming heights led by the premiere of the provocative reality series Fangasm (September 24) and Naked Vegas (October 29), which journey into the worlds of super fans and body painting art; the season returns of Ghost Mine (September 4), Haven (September 13), Ghost Hunters (October 9) and Haunted Highway (November 27), as well as a special Scare Tactics marathon (October 21).

Syfy will also unleash nearly 600 hours of scary programming during its 6th annual 31 Days of Halloween month-long spook-a-thon dripping with bloodcurdling theatrical and original movies.

In November, Sharknado’s Cassie Scerbo returns to Syfy in the Original Movie Bering Sea Beast.

Syfy will kick off the Fall season with its traditional Labor Day weekend movie marathon.

Highlights of Syfy’s 2013 Fall Programming Schedule (All Times ET/PT)

SEPTEMBER

GHOST MINE (SEASON 2 PREMIERE)

Returns Wednesday, September 4 at 10PM – In Season 2, the hardened team of gold miners and paranormal investigators return to Eastern Oregon’s notoriously haunted Crescent Mine to continue their quest for gold and evidence of ghosts. The investigators and miners delve further into the mine’s mysterious history revealing new information about the recurring Masonic symbols, Native American presence and the spirit of “Joe,” all while battling the elements in hopes of striking it rich. This season, they’ve revamped the popular Remote Investigator of Paranormal Activity (RIPA) and brought in a surprise new addition to the team. The Season 2 premiere will be preceded by the 9PM one-hour special, Ghost Mine: Back on the Mountain, hosted by Adam Copeland (Haven), in which the miners and investigators gather ‘round the campfire to reminisce about the highs and lows of last season.

Returns Friday, September 13 at 10PM – Season 4 of Haven picks up six months after the devastating events of the Season 3 cliffhanger in which the town was pummeled by a violent meteor storm. Audrey (Emily Rose) and Duke (Eric Balfour) vanished into thin air, leaving an injured Nathan (Lucas Bryant) marooned in Haven. This season, Colin Ferguson (Eureka) returns to Syfy playing William, a handsome mysterious stranger, whose secret agenda leads him to Audrey. Haven, based on the novella The Colorado Kid from renowned author Stephen King, follows former FBI agent Audrey Parker, who becomes a cop in the small town of Haven, Maine, and soon discovers the town’s many secrets – which also hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of her lost past.

During its third season, Haven was the #1 cable drama (based on Live + 7 data) in Adults 18-49, Adults 25-54 and total viewers in its Friday 10PM time period.

ROBOCROC (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)

Premieres Saturday, September 14 at 9PM – A military nanotech experiment goes awry, infecting a huge crocodile in a zoo and transforming it into a metal killing machine. Robocroc stars Corin Nemec (Stargate SG-1) and Dee Wallace.

FANGASM (SERIES PREMIERE)

Premieres Tuesday, September 24 at 10PM – Syfy celebrates superfan culture with Fangasm, a new docuseries that follows seven very different people whose uber-obsessions from comic books and collectibles, science fiction and fantasy to cosplay and live action role-playing have brought them together for the summer experience of a lifetime: living together and interning together at Stan Lee’s Comikaze. Known as Los Angeles’ largest pop-culture convention, the cast must contend with oversized personalities and conflicting passions as they vie to impress the organization for a once-in-a-lifetime dream job within Lee’s staff.

OCTOBER

31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN (6TH ANNUAL EVENT)

Returns Tuesday, October 1 – Thursday, October 31 – 31 Days of Halloween will unleash nearly 600 hours of bloodcurdling programming with original series, a trio of terrifying Saturday Original Movies and theatricals.

GHOST HUNTERS (FALL SEASON PREMIERE)

Returns Wednesday, October 9 at 10PM – Get into the Halloween spirit with the Ghost Hunters as Season 9 continues with a month of brand-new investigations at all-new locations. Jason, Steve, Tango, Amy, Adam and Britt continue their mission of helping ease the minds of homeowners and public institution employees alike when they investigate a mansion in Monticello, AR, with a dark history of secret love and suicide; the Rendall Building in Shreveport, LA; a former insane asylum and animal testing lab in Scott Township, PA; The Surf Hotel on Block Island, RI, and historic Hyde Hall in Cooperstown, NY.

SCARE TACTICS (SEASON 5 MARATHON)

Premieres Monday, October 21 from 8-11PM – Tracy Morgan is back! He’s hosting a special marathon of all-new episodes of Scare Tactics, the hidden camera show with a sci-fi twist that pulls outrageous pranks on unsuspecting friends and family. In this batch of episodes, our subjects will be subjected to post-Voodoo ceremony zombie attacks at a cemetery, a meat-eating fly experiment gone horribly wrong and a homicidal comedian at a comedy award show that Tracy “hosts.”

NAKED VEGAS (SERIES PREMIERE)

Premieres Tuesday, October 29 at 10PM – Set amidst the fast-paced glitter of life on the Las Vegas Strip, Syfy will transport viewers inside the provocative and imaginative world of body painting art in this new six-part docuseries. When casinos, clubs, events, conventions, celebrities, magicians, fashion designers – or anyone in between – wants to throw a memorable opening, they call the Skin Team. These five accomplished artists – including Nicholas “Nix” Herrera from Syfy’s hit series Face Off – comprise Las Vegas' hottest and most innovative body painting company, creating amazing displays of artwork on naked female and male models. Each hour-long episode of Naked Vegas will highlight the chemistry and creative skills of the artists' different personalities as they collaborate on a major client job while navigating the economics of the business.

SCARECROW (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)

Premieres in October – A group of teens and their teacher are stranded in the countryside when they discover that the local legend of a murderous scarecrow creature is real – and the creature is after them. Scarecrow stars Robin Dunne (Sanctuary) and Lacey Chabert.

THE RITUAL (working title) (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)

Premieres in October – An American college student studying in Japan risks her own life to save the spirit of her dead mother who killed herself in the notorious Suicide Forest. The Ritual stars Cassie Thomson and Graham Wardle.

ZOMBIE NIGHT (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)

Premieres in October – Two families in a small American town face off against zombies in a long night of horror, torn between helping each other and saving themselves. Zombie Night stars Darryl Hannah, Anthony Michael Hall and Shirley Jones.

NOVEMBER

HAUNTED HIGHWAY (SEASON 2 PREMIERE)

Returns Wednesday, November 27 at 10PM – In an unprecedented first, the premiere episode of Haunted Highway will feature our two teams – Jack Osbourne & Dana Workman and Jael de Pardo & Devin Marble – partnering up to take on their biggest investigation yet: a journey to the remote island of Dry Tortugas. Located 80 miles off the coast of Florida, the four will conduct their own first-person investigation into an abandoned military fort that’s rumored to harbor the ghost of a possible Lincoln assassination conspirator. Fueled by eyewitness interviews and evidence collected with state-of-the-art equipment, this new season will push our two teams further off the beaten path and self-document harrowing face-to-face encounters with the paranormal in some of America’s darkest and most remote regions. Cases include investigations into the ghosts of the famous Donner party, werewolf-like creatures in the bayous of Louisiana, ghosts and Iowa’s own Black Angel of Death.

BERING SEA BEAST (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)

Premieres in November – While prospecting for gold, a brother and sister accidentally disturb a colony of sea vampires in an underwater cave. Cassie Scerbo (Sharknado), Jonathan Lipnicki and Kevin Dobson star in Bering Sea Beast.

Syfy is a media destination for imagination-based entertainment. With year round acclaimed original series, events, blockbuster movies, classic science fiction and fantasy programming, a dynamic Web site (www.Syfy.com), and a portfolio of adjacent business (Syfy Ventures), Syfy is a passport to limitless possibilities. Originally launched in 1992 as SCI FI Channel, and currently in more than 98 million homes, Syfy is a network of NBCUniversal, one of the world's leading media and entertainment companies. NBCUniversal is owned by Comcast Corporation.(Syfy. Imagine greater.)

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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.