March 13, 2013

Why the Search for Happiness Causes Misery

You
can’t find something that’s already here with you. Happiness exists in this
moment. It’s not something you need to find. That’s like trying to find the
oxygen you’re breathing right now.

I have
discovered that it’s the tension of your mind that causes unhappiness. If
you’re not happy, it’s because your mind is focused on something that’s making
you unhappy. And why is your mind doing this? Because you’re stuck in a vicious
cycle of misdirected judgment, productivity and purpose that has you thinking
about every imaginable time and place, except right here, right now. That’s not
to say being productive is irresponsible, or that pursuing goals that have a
purpose is wrong. The problem occurs when you base your entire reason for
living on a point in time – an activity or achievement – that doesn’t yet
exist.

When we
place all of our happiness on the idea of ‘getting’ something, checking off
items on a to-do list, or achieving a future goal, we’re fooling ourselves.
We’re like a puppy that’s chasing his tail. We keep running around and around,
chasing that tail with every bit of energy we have, but we never catch it. And
we never stop to think that it might be all the chasing that’s making us
miserable. We’re too distracted with trying to win the game. As soon as we beat
one level and see some success, we’re instantly in a hurry to upgrade our
search and move on to the next level. We never stop to think that it’s not the
failure to win the game that causes our grief, but the game itself.

We
neglect to realize that sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to stop
participating in the problem. Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to
simply stand still and breathe.

Sometimes…

The
smartest way to be happy with the place you live is to stop chasing the
mansion you see on HGTV with five bedrooms, a pool, a fireplace, and a
three-car garage.

The
best way to solve the problem of not having lots of friends is to stop
worrying about having more, and instead appreciate the ones you have.

The
simplest way to be content with yourself is not to achieve high admiration
and praise from others, but to accept yourself fully for who you are
now.

The
quickest route to happiness is to stop the pursuit of finding happiness
and start the process of being happy.

By
letting go a little, we immediately release ourselves of the grasping tension
of the mind. But it’s not easy to stay in this mindset (the mind loves to hold
on); it’s something we have to constantly cultivate.

Our consumer driven culture doesn’t help us at
all. We’re persistently showered with messages that we need this, or we need
that. Every day on TV, we hear: “Buy
this and it will make your life easier and happier!” If only we could
afford that thing we may finally be happy. Wrong.

“Things” aren’t going to make your life any
better. I mean, buying a faster, newer computer or getting a new cute boy/girlfriend
is great. You may feel a sense of joy and achievement, but you’re still looking
for happiness outside yourself through a “thing.”

Instead,
we should base our happiness on the life we are living – on the beauty that is
already ours, on desires that don’t shift from moment to moment, in our life
itself. In fact, we don’t even need to ‘find’ happiness.