3 Rules for Living With Chronic Pain

If you’re one of us who live with chronic pain that means you have a constant roommate. That roommate is chronic pain. Quite frankly, it’s a lousy companion and an inconsiderate guest. That invader never pays rent, takes up far too much attention, and doesn’t pick up after it’s self, leaving us in our compromised state to do all the work. You figure out immediately, life isn’t fair. Fairness is left behind as a childhood fantasy and we’re left with the stark reality of inequality. We rant, we rave and we cry but eventually, we learn that peace comes with acceptance and we adapt. Adaptation reveals that somewhere, deep within us, hope is alive. We can’t always see it but it’s there.

Life has a way of charging forward without our approval as dust gathers, duties beckon and the laundry piles up. We still have to shop, cook and eat as well as making an attempt to look presentable. I’ve tried, on occasion, to just give up, but you know, that’s more difficult than it appears to be. We have financial obligations, a family to care for and a home to tend to. Pets have to go out, dinner has to be cooked and the hamper, well, that darned thing is always overflowing with a life of its own.

Many of us have had to change where we live, sell houses and move. Many of us have had to make that move due to weather, job changes and on occasion, forcibly scaled down to have a more manageable life. Change always accompanies the onset of chronic pain…always. We find we don’t have the stamina we once had and when we try to ignore that fact it rises up to bite us in the tush. Since I’m a stubborn individual, I found myself railing against the change for several years as I tried to keep the life I had when I was healthy. I have to admit to having a very “hard head” or perhaps, I’m a slow learner. I just kept thinking life would return to normal but it never did. I, like many of you, was forced to look change in the eye and it wasn’t done with pleasure. There were instances it was more of a hideous face-off.

As we settle into a compromised life we search for new pleasures, ways to cope with the pain and short-cuts in our daily chores. We rest more than usual due to the tremendous amounts of energy that are stolen from us by the pain and disease which has accosted us. I have also found most of us stay home more than we used to. The tricky part is assuring ourselves a home that is a palace and not a prison. The interesting part of that scenario is that we often become our own jailers. Lethargy makes it simple to fall into disrepair. Why should we bother to bathe? We aren’t going anywhere? Why should we shampoo or get a hair cut? Who cares?

Unless you live on Mars, and I don’t think anyone is doing that just yet, you do interact with someone else. That someone may be a spouse, a child or a friend. It’s a good idea to be presentable for others but it can’t be the motivating force. You have to find the desire to be all that you can be for yourself. All of those other folks in your life will thank you for it. You’ll look better, smell more pleasant and definitely be more of a pleasure to be with but it will also make you a happier individual. I know, happiness is not a subject we consider when we’re in pain or in the throes of a disease but it is still possible. Repeat after me, “I have a God-given right to be happy. I claim that right for myself. Life can still have joy, meaning and fulfillment, in spite of my pain.” Scoff if you want to but in your heart you know you have hope, however small the quantity. Hope is like a seed. A little is all it takes but it does have to have fertile soil if it is to grow.

I can’t presume to speak about what gives you hope or makes your small amount of hope grow. I can share with you what works for me.

First of all, I confess, I’m like Dorothy in the story The Wizard of Oz and believe there’s no place like home. Thankfully, I don’t have to click my heels in sparkling ruby slippers because my ankles usually hurt. My home is definitely a castle, at least to me. It’s where I go for comfort from my family, my pets and the material goods that brighten life. Soft chairs, a comfortable bed and beloved “things” which mean a lot to me give me comfort and pleasure. It is a haven from which I can come and go. That’s why it isn’t a prison. I could hole up in here and turn it into a prison but even on those days I don’t feel like leaving, I can open the shades, call friends, read a good book or watch an enjoyable movie. The dreary atmosphere of incarceration doesn’t have to exist if we hang on tightly to hope, joy and love for others as well as ourselves.

Secondly, I pay much more attention to what I eat than I previously did. The cupboards and the refrigerator are full of healthier foods, fresh and brightly colored. Fast food is a thing of the past with all of its grease, cost and calories. We do eat out at a restaurant on occasion and even then my priorities have changed. I know the food is important but for me the priority is the seating. Forget the chef. Does the restaurant pass Sue’s ass test? This diseased body needs all the help it can get if I am to keep moving as well as keeping hope alive. I have to eat healthy foods, take vitamins and herbs and I find doing all of that in moderation helps me in this ongoing daily battle. Of course, there are occasions when I “fall off the wagon”, the dietary one that is, but I’ve learned to enjoy, then cut it short and get back to the healthy foods.

The third rule I follow to keep hope alive and keep my body moving is to stay as active as possible. I can no longer tackle a day at the mall, but much to my husband’s chagrin, I find I can spend just as much money shopping the internet. It’s also fun to do. I, like many of you, have found minimum and moderate stretching; walking and other exercises can keep us as strong as possible. Does it hurt? Usually it does but we have to move anyway or we will turn into dusty statues and eventually fall into disrepair. Like dilapidated old buildings we will falter and fall apart. Muscles have to be moved. Hearts and circulation have to be pumped to keep vessels strong. Endorphins do exist and do help the attitude in spite of pain on movement. Lungs need to expand as we deep breathe. We’re all finely tuned machines and although we’re often deeply lacking in hope and joy, we have to keep moving ahead.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sue Falkner-Wood

Sue Falkner-Wood is a retired registered nurse living in Astoria, Ore., with her husband, who is also an R.N. Sue left nursing in 1990 due to chronic pain and other symptoms related to what was eventually...read more

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