Turns out, the hottest club in Seattle isn’t in Belltown, Pioneer Square, Fremont, Queen Anne, Cap Hill, or any of the other suburbs that immediately come to mind. I’ve been hearing around town lately that best place for twenty-somethings to mingle, get fucking blacked out, and make new friends while keeping the old is at Mariners games, particularly on Friday and Saturday nights. A downtrodden, 46-78 team doesn’t seem to be dampening the atmosphere to the point where its deterring people from occupying the beer garden, or even coming to the park at all (despite having the second-to-worst record in the major leagues, Seattle ranks 13th in attendance).

Because of this stark popularity, Safeco Field is coming to be known as “Club Safeco.” A typical Club Safeco evening: Pay the $8 cover charge (or $10 or $18 or $22 depending on how much foresight you have) and you are privileged to $8 beer specials all-night long (all-night long ends with the first pitch in the top of the 8th inning). If you are lucky, DJ Hernandez will be playing and will blow your mind. Otherwise you’ll get a resident DJ, such as Washburn or Silva. Baseball games frequently breakout here, however half the people in the beer garden are focused more on convincing Kathy Turnstoll, the middle-aged United Way volunteer working the beer garden register, to sell them more than the 2 beer limit per transaction. And maybe you can even hold hands with a member of the opposite sex while watching the Oh Boy Oberto! hydroplane demolish the stupid yellow hydroplane like a jellybean, even after the Orca whale impedes its progress at the beginning of lap two.

A few notes to enhance your Club Safeco experience:

Prefunking at Sluggers or Pyramid (sunny days only) is highly encouraged.

Always leave before the bottom of the eighth inning. If you don’t, have fun getting a cab with the rest of Seattle.

YES, THERE IS HARD ALCOHOL AT CLUB SAFECO. And the best part is it’s not even far from the beer garden. The undercover Bullpen Pub is located next to….. wait for it…..the visitor’s bullpen. You can’t take drinks out, but can definitely get your asshole friend Matt a Prairie Fire in return for the stuff he told your ex-girlfriend the night before.

Sorry, they let WSU Cougars into Mariners games. There’s nothing I can do about that.

Haven’t experienced it yet? You’re in luck: This Friday (8/22) is the next Club Safeco event. And you can get tickets at half price by using the link here and entering the code TRAVELZOO.

Kevin Martinez, you can thank me for the evangelism at anytime. Straight cash homie.

Currently listening to: Ratatat – Party and Bullshit Remix

Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!