Stephanie O'Dea

I get a lot of questions about New Year’s Resolutions.

I’ve gotten pretty good at making and keeping my resolutions each new year — and while it’s still not super easy for me to stay on track, each and every year I have a bit more resolve to keep on course.

It doesn’t matter if you are reading this post in February, in April, or even in September— there is still plenty of time to get your new year goals and resolutions back on track.

If you’ve fallen off the wagon, here are some tips to climb back in it and buckle up; there’s a long road ahead until the end of the year.

If you haven’t made any new year resolutions or goals for this year or for the next one, or don’t like to because you don’t think that’s “your thing” — okay.

But you also can’t change for the better in any way unless you make the conscious decision to do so. And regardless of your personal journey or path, I believe we all could do a bit better each year.

This is it.

You’re not going to get today back again, and it’s okay to want tomorrow to be slightly better.

How to make New Year Resolutions that You’ll Keep:

1) Write it down. This is such a simple step, yet the majority of people don’t do it.

Yes, there are plenty of people who have stuck to their resolve to lose weight or get out of debt by not writing down their goals, but if you DO write it down you have a greater chance of success.

And who are we to fool around with statistics? If it feels hokey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to share what you’ve written down to anybody — just keep it in a notebook or folded up in your purse.

2) Tell Someone. I know.

In suggestion number 1 I said you don’t have to share your written resolution or goal list with anyone and now I’m telling you to tell someone else your personal wishes and dreams.

I promise I’m not losing my mind— you still don’t have to share your written out list, but you DO have to share what you’re working on.

Accountability to someone else is a much stronger motivational drive than an intrinsic one. This means that you are more likely to disappoint yourself than you are someone else.

That’s just how human nature is. We are also much more forgiving to others than we are to ourselves —- so if you veer off track, having a supportive someone in your corner is just who you’ll need to confide in and who can help you retain confidence.

We told the Internet — it’s a pretty big group to be held accountable to!

3) Review your resolutions every single day. However you do this is up to you.

You can pull out your list of goals, or rewrite them every morning. Some people have excellent results by writing their resolutions out as if they have already happened. For instance, if your goal is to lose those final last ten pounds, you might start your day by thinking about how thankful you are that you can fit into the dress hanging in the closet.

You can go a step further and visualize yourself wearing it and hear in your head all the complements you’ll get from your friends.

It’s personal, and I have sayings and quotes, and magazine cutouts on it. I only share it with Adam, and even he kind of rolls his eyes a bit at how particular some of my visions (picture cutouts) are.

But that’s okay. Because my vision board makes me smile and keeps me focused on what it is I’m working towards — I look at it quite a few times a day, and somedays it spurs me on to take action on a certain writing assignment or to go do a few pushups.

Other days I just zone out. I’ve decided to believe that even on my zone out days my subconscious is working on something. 😉

4) Pretend you’ve already succeeded. Or fake it till you make it.

This might seem phony at first, but you’ll get used to it in practice. If your New year’s Resolution was to work out every morning, act like a person who works out every morning.

What time does that person wake up? What does she wear? Does she sleep in her workout clothes and works out before getting dressed for the day?

What does she eat? Do you need different food in the house?

If your resolution was to write every day on your All American Novel, start acting like a novelist.

What does a novelist do? Does she get up before everyone else in the house and write for an hour? Does she have a set of index cards with character names and traits?

Does she spend 3 hours a day surfing facebook or pinterest, or does she buckle down and work?

5) Reward yourself. This doesn’t need to be elaborate, nor does it need to be expensive, but you have to find a way to celebrate the tiny steps and milestones along the way.

Day to Day life is hard enough as it is — trying to change or adapt is even harder, even if you know it’s for the better.

Human nature is to find the easiest and least resistant path. It’s easier to lay around on the couch than it is to lace up your shoes and go for a walk.

So reward yourself. Walk to the grocery store and after making a few laps get yourself a pack of sugarless gum.

If you’ve gotten through the entire day without yelling at the kids, take a bath. Paint your toes. Do something just for you that’s a reward. And there is no harm in using the reward as motivation to keep to your goals — “if I don’t use my credit card but instead pay it off, I can use the extra savings in our vacation fund.”

I’m sure you see what I mean.

6) Seek out Been-There/Done-That advice. This is what people mean when they say “find a mentor.”

I don’t know what your goals are — but I do have two groups that I maintain (outside of crockpotting!) that are for mentoring women. I have my Life and Time Management group for moms, and I have my Blogging As a Business mastermind group.

You can learn more about these groups, here:

Why New Year’s Advice from MEN or from Online Gurus Doesn’t Work

So here’s the thing. I’m a 40 year old mom of three girls. They are 15, 12, and 6 right now. I have ALWAYS been a goal-oriented person. I love lists, I love plans-of-attack and I regularly have client phonecalls and skype chats with other Moms who are also smashing their goals out of the park.

But goals written For Men and By Men don’t work for me, and I don’t think they will work for you.

🙂

So, for all you moms out there who are Mom First — I hear you. I know. It’s tough to put yourself first and your ambition first.

So don’t do it for you. Do it for these marvelous beings you have created and brought into this world. Because you are their role model. They look up to you and are watching you.

You deserve to live the best version of your life. You deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted and ever dreamed of.

You want that for your kids, I know you do. It’s okay to want it for yourself, too.

~~~

You don’t have to be in the first week of January to decide to be a New You.

Making a Punch List

So here is the thing. I grew up as an architect’s daughter. And then I married a Civil Engineer.

I’ve been to a lot of construction sites, and I even LIVED THROUGH one when my dad built our family home.

Punch Lists have always been a way of life for me.

BUT THEN I started “working” on the internet and it looks like the concept of creating a running punch list is kind of a foreign thing to a lot of people.

No problem!

It’s really not a big deal — a Punch List simply means the stuff left on your To Do List before the job is considered “Finished.”

And our homes?

They are constantly ebbing and flowing and in constant I-Need-Attention mode. It doesn’t matter if you rent or own or if you live in a Tiny House or a farm house, or a high rise apartment, or a nice suburban family home.

No matter. You still need a punch list!

So Let’s Get To Work!

First things first:

Get out a spiral notebook or put a few sheets of lined paper onto a clipboard.

Then walk through every room in the house.

Jot down everything that needs to be done to get your house in good repair. Do the baseboards need to be painted? Pictures hung? Light bulbs changed? Drywall patched? [Ignore the dust bunnies for now. We’ll get to them in due time. 🙂 ]

Also jot down notes as to any upgrades you may want to do. Are you thinking that you want/need a new chair for the living room? A better or different light fixture in the front entry?

Write those down too.

The Next Step

The next step is to separate your list into separate rooms. Put all the garden things together, the kid stuff together, etc. I like to make a sheet of paper per room —

(the reason we didn’t start with separate sheets to begin with is because sometimes if you see a light fixture in one room that needs fixing, etc., you start writing down things in a ping-pong fashion — and that’s okay! ;-0 )

Now that all your items are separated by rooms, separate them again by what you can truly and physically do yourself.

If you can hang a photo on the wall in the hallway, then do it.

If you can touch up the paint, then schedule a time to do it.

Do as much as you can all by yourself before calling in help from a handy man or your husband.

Keep an Ongoing List

Keep your Punch List up to date and organized the best you can. If Lawn Furniture was on sale and you bought it, cross it off your list.

good work! you did it!

Learn the Exact Strategies I use to Keep My House and My Family Running Smoothly

click the link for a printable PDF version of the golden rules for your use –steph

The Family’s Golden Rules

Summer is coming, and I plan on having the kids home with me. I don’t like having the kids at camps and try not to have a lot of structured activities planned during the summer months. It’s a little old-school, I know, but I just really like having them home with me and I like the uninterrupted free time and play that occurs when we don’t have something we HAVE to do.

And I’m kind of lazy.

And I’m terribly cheap.

That said, I do have things that I need to accomplish this summer, and in order for me to get my work done, the kids need to find a way to fend for themselves and not run completely feral.

We have chore charts, and we do follow The Daily 7 as much as we can to keep the house in somewhat decent order. I try to let them work out their own squabbles (my kids are currently 12, 9, and 4) and choose to not intervene unless truly necessary.

(see above. I’m kind of lazy…)

AND? I am not going to always be here. I need these kids to grow up to be responsible members of society, and in order for that to happen, I can’t swoop in and fix every last thing. They’ve got to figure it out on their own.

I’ve gotten a few emails about chores, and responsibility charts, and decided to use those emails as a springboard to make up a list of Golden Rules for the house. These are certainly not the *only* rules in our house, but these are the ones that I expect to be drummed into their heads before embarking out into the Wild Wild World.

Feel free to print these out and hang them up in the play room or family room.

I hope you’re having a wonderful day!!

Learn the Exact Strategies I use to Keep The House and Family Running Smoothly

In my household shortcut planning guide, Totally Together: Shortcuts to an Organized Life, I’ve tried to break down all of the daily, weekly, and monthly THINGS that float around in our heads into one day-planner/book: Call your mother. Schedule a hair cut. Get the house painted. Vacuum under the couch cushions. Drink more water. Perform a self-breast exam.

But sometimes you need a 30-day jumpstart in order to feel like you are really being productive, and sometimes the thought of adhering to something for a full year is absolutely daunting.

I know. I get it.

and it’s okay.

So here you go!! This is a 30-day jump start checklist to get your home and family life in order —- not everything is listed, but enough things are here that you can go from disarray to company-clean in only 30 days. You don’t need to do all 30 days in order if you don’t want to, and you don’t need to do all 30 days all within a month. If it takes you 45 or 60 days to get through this checklist, whatever.

No big deal.

This is YOUR house and YOUR family. Do what works for you.

I’ve tried to hyperlink the above graphic with posts explaining what the different tasks are. It didn’t work. So here are all the past articles that have been underlined above.

For the last week or so, I’ve been using an ironing board as a desk. I wish I was smart enough to have thought of this as a DIY alternative to a standing desk — but I’m not. It just sort of happened.

I’ve wanted a standing desk for a while — I’ve scoured pinterest and DIY sites for ideas, have looked at websites advertising these type of desks (WAY expensive), and even have sent Adam links to how to make them at home using cheap wood and laminate.

So I put this idea on hold.

But then last week happened, and we each had different work trips to go on, and we had unexpected company, and the ironing board that I set up in the corner of the master bedroom got left up. And the computer armoire where I plug everything in at night (my current work desk is the kitchen table, but we have a computer cabinet where we hide everything at night so the “work day” is over by dinner time) got a bit cluttered so I needed another flat surface for charging the laptop.

And I used the ironing board.

And then left it on the ironing board while I was answering email in the morning, and even used it as a table for the last slow cooker recipe I photographed —- and although it’s not the prettiest thing in the world to keep up in the master bedroom, it might very well might be the most practical thing I’ve ever come up with. 🙂

What I like about standing versus sitting:

* I’m burning calories — there are studies that prove that standing exerts more energy than sitting
* I’m naturally stepping or swaying while I work — my pedometer (I really love my FitBit!) is showing that I’ve added a good 2000-3000 steps to my day with very little effort on my part
* I am now finally ergonomic. Since I’ve never owned a desk chair, my table to chair to floor ratio (don’t even know if that’s the actual terminology, but I’m going to assume you know what I’m talking about…) hasn’t ever been proper. I’m exactly 5 feet, so there are very few chairs that allow my feet to sit flat on the floor the way they are supposed to. And our dining chairs are a bit large in the seat, so my knees are at a funny angle if I lean all the way back, which causes me to perch on the edge of the chair while I write, causing my shoulders to slump. With the ironing board, it’s adjustable, so I can raise the keyboard to the actual right spot for my eyeline and shoulders/wrists.
* BUT. My wrists aren’t supported, I know. Honestly, I’ve never had supported wrists or elbows, so that’s not an issue for me, but I can see how it would be for others.
* The other really big benefit is that I’m not spending as much time on the computer. It’s just not as comfortable to stand at an ironing board and read gossip sites, or twitter, or online news as it is to curl up with the laptop on the bed or couch. But that is something I need to work on, personally, anyway. I waste a lot of time on frivolous Internet surfing, and my time could honestly be better spent sticking to my to-do list and goals.

(this might actually be the biggest benefit)

So there you go! Super simple (and actually kind of stupid) brilliant idea!

Learn the Exact Strategy I use to Keep My Home and Family Running Smoothly

I haven’t been taking the best care of myself the past few weeks. I’m on a deadline for a new cookbook and the dirty little secret of cookbook writers is that while you’re recipe testing you eat really, really well, but when you’re actually writing? You eat lots of fast food and consume litters of chocolate bunnies.

I guess I should clarify that by saying that You means Me. I’m sure there are some better disciplined people who would never eat a chocolate bunny.

I seem to not be that person.

Anyway, I’ve begun to emerge from my sugar coma and have fallen in love with the One Minute Muffin. It’s not a crockpot recipe. 🙂

Instead, it’s healthy, inexpensive (after you buy the flax meal), packed with fiber, and low-carb. My kids will tolerate them, but aren’t falling over themselves to eat one. They still prefer chocolate to One Minute Muffins. They also still have ridiculously high metabolisms…

Put the first 6 ingredients in a large glass measuring cup or bowl, and whisk to combine. No need to melt the butter or get it to dissolve–if it’s still in a clump, it’s okay. Mostly try to get the baking powder evenly dispersed. Now stir in the blueberries or whatever fruit you’re using. Pour into a greased coffee mug and microwave on high for 1 minute. Let it sit for a bit, then pour onto a plate; or you can just eat it out of the mug with a spoon. The butter will have melted and made a tiny bit of a “sauce” with the melted blueberries. YUM.

The Verdict:

This is a pretty customizable recipe; feel free to swap out the honey with splenda, agave, brown sugar, etc. There isn’t a drop of flour, making this a naturally gluten free muffin, and if you use non dairy butter it could certainly be dairy-free and I’m imagining an egg-replacer would work okay. If you change up the ingredients and it works, let me know!

It tastes good. Not oh-my-gosh-this-is-the-best-muffin-ever, but actually pretty good considering it’s made completely out of flax meal and has just a tiny bit of sweetener. You can certainly junk it up by adding lots of sugar and more oil, but it’s really actually pretty good just like this. I like that the flax has so much fiber and the egg has a nice shot of protein so if I eat this along with my morning coffee I’m pretty sustained until lunch time.

have a great day, and enjoy your muffin!

Learn the Exact Strategy I Use to Keep our Family and Our Home Running Smoothly

It’s 2012. I’ve spent the last four years of my life on the internet, and I love how I continue to learn new things. I developed a slight addiction to Pinterest over the holiday break (what? it was only supposed to last a week and I stretched it into a month? shhh. don’t tell anyone.) and learned that you can make ANYTHING into a white board with a cheap dollar store picture frame and a dry erase marker.

I think I’m in love.

The above frames were made in about 37 minutes. It took me a while to figure out the actual dimensions of the frame– 8 x 10 means that if you’re using a power point presentation you should size your project for 6.6 x 9.

You’re Welcome!

Another Thing to Note: the glass at the dollar store breaks really, really easily. I broke the glass on each of these frames, and ended up going out into the shed to find old pictures to steal the glass (one might of been from Adam and his college friends. oops.). I’d maybe find cheapish frames at Kohl’s or Target that match instead.

Anyhow, I wrapped these chore charts up and handed them to my 7 and 10-year-old daughters (their names are on the charts, but I’ve covered them with tape because I’ve promised Adam I won’t exploit the kids on the internet) as New Year’s presents.

My 10 year old rolled her eyes, but my 7-year-old was uber excited and got to work checking things off her list immediately. If you’re looking for a guideline for age-appropriate chores, this list is a good one. Our picture frame chore charts have now been in action for exactly one week, and so far so good.

it’ll be a good year. I promise.

Learn the Exact Strategies I use to Keep My House and Family Running Smoothly

I’m kind of fascinated by time management. I’ve lost count of the number of books I’ve read or listened to on tape/cd about this subject— probably well over a hundred. Whenever I have a moment or two in the library and I’m not stuck in the toddler corral, I wander into the business books and gather anything from the 658 or 332 shelves that I haven’t already read.

Most business books focus around time management and productivity. Productivity=money in business.

If you take a random poll while walking the streets, I’d venture to bet that most people wish they had more of 2 things: time and money.

I can’t really help with the money, but I can help free up some more time in your day.

Change Your Mindset.

This is probably the biggest obstacle to overcome–myself, included. If you have already decided that you don’t have enough time in the day to get it all done, you’ve defeated yourself before you’ve even begun. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

Decide that each day is a blank slate and schedule out what you want to accomplish.

Learn How to Say No.

Don’t agree to anything that doesn’t directly benefit your family. I know. It sounds callous, but if you don’t want to go to the class bowling party, don’t. RSVP no. Don’t lie– just say it’s not going to work out for you and leave it at that. If you don’t want to help organize the Church rummage sale, or arrive early to set up the chairs for the PTA meeting, don’t do it. It’s not healthy to say yes then run yourself ragged living up to a commitment you didn’t want to make in the first place.

Take back your time. Once you feel as if you’re in control of your time instead of outside influences being in charge, you can begin volunteering again.

Get Up Early.

When I suggest getting up early people sometimes freak out. In all the case studies I’ve read of successful people or people who “make it happen” they each have the same characteristic: they get up early. Usually at 5.

I know. I’m sorry.

I’ve done all the acronyms: SAH, WOH, WFH (stay at home, work out of the home, work from home) and I can absolutely-without-a-doubt credit getting up early as the key to a successful day. When I’m up in a quiet house, I feel peaceful. I love watching the sun rise while I sip my coffee, doing yoga without an audience, or going for an early morning walk or run. When I’m on a deadline, I use that hour or two to work.

In 2008 when I did the crockpot year, I got up at 4am most days. I was working from home doing 2 part time jobs, doing the crockpot stuff, and writing the first manuscript for the Totally Together Book. It was nuts, but I knew I needed to keep going. Once or twice a week I also did what I call the “split shift”: I went to bed at 8pm, then got up from midnight to 4am to work. I then slept till 7am when the kids woke me up.

The first week is the hardest, but it gets easier. I’d highly recommend putting the alarm clock on the other side of the room so you need to get all the way out of bed to turn it off. Once you’re out of bed it’s harder to climb back in (which every single day you’ll want to).

You Don’t Work 9 to 5, You Work 5 to 9

When my oldest was about 6 months, I listened to a time management book on tape which is what gave me the idea to make a day planner for moms. I emailed the Franklin Covey company and we corresponded a few times before they blew me off (they did send a 15% off coupon, though!) and I decided to create my own.

One of the lightbulb-moments I had while I was playing around with the project was the realization that I was trying to cram everything I needed/thought I needed to do between the hours of 9am to 5pm. I wanted EVERYTHING done for the day before dinner. I was under the misguided impression that the laundry, etc. should be completely finished before I watched TV or relaxed a bit. Once I started folding laundry during my tv goof-off hour (or whatever) I felt better; more whole.

This doesn’t mean that YOU, personally, need to do everything around the house—I’m a big fan of delegation and whole-heartedly believe that all of the chores should be divvied out among the children and the sexes.

Learn My Exact Strategies for Keeping the House and Family Running Smoothly

Cut Yourself Some (lots of) Slack.

There are times in your life that will always be crazier than others. When you’re pregnant, nursing, not sleeping, sick, the kids are sick, on a huge work deadline stuff just isn’t going to run as smoothly as it does when everyone is on their A-Game. Know this and accept it. Life is not a contest, nor is it a picture-perfect spread in a design magazine.

But That’s Why We Had You!

Children make messes. It’s part of their job.

Before I had children of my own, I ran preschool centers for under-privileged children. Because I could get a room full of twenty-four kids to mind me and pick up after themselves, I thought that certainly my own flesh and blood would follow suit and tidy up without complaint.

I was dead wrong.

It takes daily effort to get my children to put their clothes, toys, school stuff, and random paraphernalia away.

That’s just how it works. If I slack off, the kids slack off.

If I put my dishes onto the counter because it’s “too much work” to open the dishwasher and stash it away, the kids do the same.

they’re awfully smart and crafty, those buggers…

That said, here is a general guideline of age-appropriate chores. Do not expect your kids to instantly adhere to a strict list of chores. Monitor closely and always show your child exactly how to perform any new tasks.

One to Two Years of Age

Babies and young children enjoy being “big helpers,” and can begin to participate in the following household chores with adult supervision, help, and guidance:

– sort laundry

– empty wastebaskets

– bring in the mail/newspaper

– match socks

– pull up bed clothes

– empty spoons and plasticware from the dishwasher caddy

– put toys away in appropriate containers

– “dust and clean” with a baby wipe

Three to Six Years of Age

Preschool-age children can continue to help with all of the chores listed above, along with the following added responsibilities:

– make their own beds

– load and unload the dishwasher with assistance

– help younger siblings clean up strewn toys

– feed and water pets

– pull weeds

– water plants

– use a whisk broom to clean up crumbs under the dinner table

– use a handheld vacuum cleaner to spot-clean, or to vacuum the stairs

– put away their own laundry

– set the table for meals

Seven to Ten Years of Age

School-age children are capable of fulfilling all of the tasks listed above, as well as these new additions:

– complete an entire load of wash

– help younger siblings put away laundry

– vacuum their own rooms

– maintain order in their bedrooms

– sweep the kitchen

– load and unload the dishwasher independently

– walk the dog

– clear the table after meals

Pre-teen through Teenage Years

Although teenagers would rather lie around and talk on the phone (or text, whatever) all day, they are fully able to help their parents out with most of the housekeeping duties, inside and out, including these new ones listed below:

– vacuum the house

– sweep the house

– clean the refrigerator

– wipe down the bathrooms

– wipe down the kitchen countertops

– help younger siblings as needed

– perform more strenuous work in the garden

This may seem like a lot (and it does to me, now that I see it all in writing!), but remember back in the “olden days,” children were expected to be productive members of the household. Whenever I start to feel “mean,” I think of The Long Winter and remember all that Laura and Mary did to help out.

I also think of my friend Alison, who homeschools her nine children. Alison once told me that a parent’s job was to raise adults, not children. By the time children leave for college, they should be able to make a meal, sew on a button, do laundry, mow the lawn, and milk a goat.

Raising kids is part joy, part guerilla warfare. –Ed Asner

Learn the Exact Strategies I use to Keep My House and My Family Running Smoothly

I went through the computer files yesterday, and PROMed some of my old writing, and the overflowing downloads folder that was causing the desktop to run slower than I’d like.

I found a folder of writing I did 3 years ago. I’m going to copy and paste what I wrote—I entitled it, “How to Be Blissfully Happy.” I wrote this to myself, during a time where I felt like I was just “going through the motions”—we had just moved again, and I was working full-time at a job I hated. Hated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to Be Blissfully Happy

Why are some moms happy and others are not? Are you happy right now?

Why?

Why not?

Our family has moved a lot.

5 times in the past 2 years. That’s an awful lot.

During all the turmoil, I kept finding myself thinking “when we get to XYZ, we’ll be happy.”

I would rush through my day, doing as little as possible do “just get through it” so the next day would come just so everything would start all over again. I was moving fast, the family was moving fast towards our “new life.”

But things were happening around me without me truly enjoying them.

The baby learned how to walk.

I took the pictures and video like a “good mom” but I didn’t have the wonderment and the joy that I would have liked to experience.

My elder daughter said goodbye to her friends—friends that were so close they felt like siblings.

I was there—I again took the pictures—but I was thinking about “getting this done quick” so I could go home to pack.

Pack.

I don’t beat myself up for these things. I made a mistake. I’m human.

But, as a human, I have the choice to do things differently.

I can choose to spend more of my day in a blissful/thankful/joyful/HAPPY state then in a sourpuss/frowny/nothing is ever good enough state.

Because that’s what I would wish for my daughters when they become moms.

I’m not talking about being the Resolve lady who answers from the other room “That’s Okay!” in a sing-songy voice when her kids say they just spilled grape juice on the carpet.

She must be on crack. Who in their right mind would do that? It’s grape juice! Grape juice stains!

But so does yelling.

And freaking out.

And closing cabinet doors a bit too rough. And being so mad that you want to throw things or hit.

Over what?

Grape juice?

On carpet.

Really?

Is that worth it?

But we all do it.We all get so caught up in the moment we lose our cool, our compassion, our quest to be supermom.

And we crack.

Those moms who appear on the outside to be supermoms–do they not have babies up at all hours of the night?Do they not have dishes to wash, a husband who works too much, kids who act ungrateful and the forever-growing Mt. Washmore in their house?