Friday, February 17, 2012

thinking and typing, maybe both shouldn't be done at the same time.

I feel like I'm always rehashing the same old things. Always trying...trying...trying, never getting there. Wherever there is, or should be. That phantom place in my mind of perfection. Being the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect friend, perfect Christian.

But every day, I fail. I'm sure I have failed today. And I know I will fail tomorrow. Did I say the right thing, do the right thing, act the right way? At times, these questions haunt me. But then I remember, it's these very things that drive me to the cross- to Christ, and to the grace and mercy only He can provide.

You may be reading this and think "My goodness, Sarah must have really messed uptoday!" But I didn't. At least I don't think I was all that bad. Lets see:

I fed my kids breakfast
Made sure they looked nice for school, with clean clothes, brushed teeth & hair
Drove a total of 1 hour and 45 minutes to take them back & forth to school
Made sure they had healthy lunches
Ran 5 miles
Told my husband I loved him
Cooked a healthy dinner
Cleaned it up
Played outside with my kids
Got them all ready for bed
Let them watch a movie (a special treat for them)

All of the good I have done today is not meaningless, please don't get me wrong. Your works are the proof of fruit in your life. As James says in chapter 2:15

What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

But then I recount:

I raised my voice when I didn't need to (Asoft answer turnsaway wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.)

I berated rather than built up (eph. 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers)

Oh- the list could go on. Every day I sin. Do you want to know why? Cause I'm a sinner! That's why. I often yell ask my kids (kindly, of course) WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Can you guess their response?

"I don't know."

And they don't. For the most part, they do not yet realize they are sinners. They are just acting out on their impulses. I act out on my impulses as well. I can relate. Often, I expect something out of others that is completely impossible for me! ughh...life.

We must not forget the words of Christ from Matthew Ch. 23

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

Jesus meant those words for us to hear. The whole chapter is quite convicting, in some places one could even insert his/her name. Quite convicting.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. It's just that the kids are watching a movie and Josh is at Menards. I'll stop now.