BREAKING: White House in Lock Down. Obama Out of Town AGAIN

The White House has been placed on lock down after a man tried to jump the fence on the estate’s front lawn.
Secret Service officers quickly apprehended the unidentified man who is now in custody. The man was said to have been trying to take “two suspicious bags” over the fence with him.

“Two suspicious bags?” Hillary and Madelyn Albright?

Secret Service released a statement saying that they aren’t all that concerned with the bags but they had followed protocol and contacted Washington’s Metro Police Department’s Explosive Ordinance Division. They are said to have the bag in their possession and are currently investigating it now.

Here’s the money quote, which as always, is at the end of the story:

It is unclear what the man’s intentions were, but the President was said to have been far from danger as he is currently on a trip to Michigan.

Has anyone given any thought to renting out the residence at the White House? After all, it seems like the Obamas are never there.