I needed to make a list of all the jobs that need doing in the next few weeks as we have guests coming from Florida through a House Exchange website. We will be house-sitting for friends from the middle of next month and before that will be at Mum's so we won't be home most of the time. I guess I'll have to plan to come back home to get all the jobs done. There has been so much rain the garden has been too wet to do much but I'm going to give it a go this afternoon.

Reporting Back ..........

Spent a while weeding. Sunny and had bare feet but head froze so John found a hot to put on me. Had soak in bath and washed hair. Getting lots of queries for Best Bach for New Year, It's a bit of a pain but I don't want to change web-site until I've spoken to Real Estate agent. Sent email to Danielle our house exchange people from Florida.

I am not changing things fast enough. Other times when I've gone through the dreaded ceiling I've pulled back quite quickly. This time, while my attitude is improving and I'm slowly getting back my mojo I haven't been able to make the immediate changes that pull my weight back quickly. I feel somewhat shocked when I look at my stats to see that I haven't recorded 100 kg since last November. All that wasted time. To see 100 kg is bad enough. To convert it to pounds, 220, is shocking me. I cannot keep on doing this to myself.

The longer I take the anti-candida tablets, Candida yeast Support, from here the more convinced I become that I was seriously depressed. I'm not out of the woods yet but certainly feel more motivated than for a long time. John and I have both completed 2 weeks of the tablets. Week one we took one tablet per day and bumped it up to two this last week. We can go to four tablets per day. I had planned to go to three starting today but we are both experiencing some negatives. For me it's stomach upsets with gripping pain and at least one urgent trip to the loo each day. John is finding that the post nasal drip is reduced although last night was quite bad, but he still feels lousy and doesn't look too good.

I'm also sleeping better. I was lucky to average 5 hours a night. I'm fairly certain, without any recording or maths I'm now averaging 6 - 7 hours. That will make a huge difference. I knew the itchiness of my scalp and something like jock itch was upsetting my sleep patterns and in fact my whole life but I don't think I realised how much.

I remember thinking a few days ago this whole thing, weight gain and candida yeast problems reminds me of the frog placed in cold water which is heated gradually. The frog adjusts and becomes accustomed to the increasing temperature until it's too late. The frog dies slowly, cooked to death.

I think that explains where I have been perfectly except I have a different brain from a frog and I can make deductions and decisions based on experience, wisdom and knowledge. This has been a difficult time. I can make excuses but this is largely self inflicted. The evidence has been there for as long as I can remember but not always the knowledge. I've had the 'wisdom' but I was too uncertain of my own conclusions. I did not believe in myself, possibly because I didn't want to. To believe that candida yeast is a serious problem and hindrance to living my life well, meant following a fairly strict diet. I wanted a medical diagnosis and support from my Dr. I never got it. In fact at every turn the medical experts I've had access to have pretty much rubbished this theory and taken my down directions that did not improve my health long term.

The candida Yeast Support tablets have given me an option I have never had previously. I can continue to eat my regular food and somehow they are still killing off the excess yeasts. Slowly i am regaining the strength of mind required to live a healthy life. This does not come automatically to me.

I am reminded of how easily things, anything, slides into chaos if a semblance of order is not maintained. If we don't do housework the house soon becomes filthy. If we don't prune the shrubs, mow the lawn, weed the garden before long we live in an untidy, tangled wasteland. If we don't plan financially we end up in poverty. If we don't get any exercise we loose our muscle strength and balance. And so it goes on in every aspect of life. There is nowhere we can go to escape from the need to have some order in our lives.

Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

I couldn't say it better. It seems a long time since I enjoyed singing and worshipping and dancing before my Lord. I don't read this modern version but I think it's time I took a closer look. There has been much criticism of this version but it speaks to me in plain language bringing me out of the fog.

I am about to have a lingering bath and then we go to Mum's for lunch. Must get moving as I've messed about too long. Day is sunny and coolish after a frost. Yesterday was record cold in many places. Will do some grocery shopping.

Reporting Back ..........

We had a very nice day. Sunshine but icy air. Caught up with Mum and Jane. Shopped for groceries to see us through to next Tuesday. Home just before 5 pm. TV and catch up with Blog Reading.

I dilly dallied too much this morning and had a shower instead of a bath. I think I am seeing improvement in my skin and I think I am beginning to improve mentally/emotionally. I'm beginning to want to do things again. I hope I don't run out of tablets again before they have completed their work. I've already ordered the next lot so hopefully they will arrive long before they are required. The plan is to keep it up for at least 3 months. so far we have completed 2 weeks out of the 12. John still looks awful but he says his sinus, the post nasal drip, is improving.

Snow is expected on all the high points even here on the Coromandel Peninsula. We have the gas heater on 2 elements as the electric is just not making the grade. There are blue spots in the sky from time to time but they don't last long. I am struggling with cold food, ie. yoghurt or smoothies for breakfast. I have a left over sausage and thinking of having that with a couple of eggs. Not eating bread today will be a challenge but I'm ready to do it.

I will also work out what day I'm on in this journey. I forgot to weigh before I dressed because I was in a hurry to get my warm clothes on and have that first cup of coffee.

Reporting Back ..........

I made it. It's time to get ready to go to bed and I have not eaten any bread today. it hasn't been a perfect day but the only goal i set was to get through the day without eating bread and I have.

I'm not sure whether I'm ready to do this but I have gained a whole heap of weight during the last dew weeks.

Part of the problem is the backwards and forwards to Mum's but by far the greater hiccup was caused by a flare up of candida related blaahs and itchiness when I ran out of the Candida Support capsules and the new supply took weeks to arrive. I've been taking it for 10 days and there is some improvement. I'm beginning to get my mojo back.

At the same time there is a part of me that no longer cares what I weigh, how fat and lazy I get or how difficult it becomes to move around. I've lost interest in being healthy. Dangerous place to be. I see what has and is happening and I don't care enough to change anything. Is this depression?

I don't think it is but it's certainly a response which reads, "What's the point in swimming upstream any longer?"

At the same time there has been a growing awareness that I'm ready to do what is best for me again, which is just as well.

I've become a computer potato. I only walk when essential. The most I've done is shopping occasionally and up and down the stairs when at Mum's. I'm shrinking with muscle wastage. I guess I've almost lost hope of a better life. I know life is what I make it but there are some things I cannot change and I have to admit it gets me down.

I don't have to care for Mum this week, I think, so the next 8 or 9 days can be lived on our terms. It's a good opportunity to try and get a bit of sanity back and reinstate my healthy routine.

"THE PAIN OF DISCPLINE OR THE PAIN OF REGRET AND DISAPPOINTMENT" - IT'S MY CHOICE

DISCIPLINE EQUALS FREEDOM

About Me

I am in my 78th year and live in New Zealand. In 2013 my husband, John, and I spent our 50th Wedding Anniversary in Hawaii. We have a major trip to North America planned for 2018
I have a long history of losing and gaining weight. I first began keeping an on-line journal around 2000 as a way to record my weight loss and quest for better health.
We moved to Christchurch in December 2015 to be near our only Grandchild. Ava -Jane is a wonderful gift to our family.
Life is full of the unexpected.
I am all about having some fun times this year.