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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Cast, Sinead

When I was eight months pregnant at the end of May this year, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. Two weeks later on the 16th June '11 my lovely girl KatieAnn was born and lived for just eleven hours. Now four months later I am still entombed in both my cast and my house.

I have sent you a photo of the 'blasted cast' because in the time since, so many people have spoken to me about the leg and not bothered to mention the death of my child. Both friend and aquaintance alike have used my leg as their crutch to lean on, endless conversations about my broken leg and hardly any at all about my broken heart.

On the other hand, the story of my leg and my KatieAnn are so entwined in my mind, I think I will be a little bit sorry to see the cast and crutches go. Just a very little.

I live in Cork, Ireland with my three other children and one husband, and I am very much looking forward to going for a walk on two feet. Its the simplest things you miss.

Oh I'm so sorry. Your description of people enquiring after your broken leg and ignoring your KatieAnn made me sigh with recognition. I can understand why you would be a little sad to see the cast go, with its connection to your daughter.

Sinead, this story resonated so much with me. We lost our daughter at 34 weeks when we were involved in a car crash. The same crash broke my kneecap, and so it took me quite a while to start walking again, and then to lose the crutches and the limp. So I very much know that feeling of not wanting to let go of the crutches. For me, it really helped to have something visible for people to see how wounded I was, though I did find it frustrating that people were often more comfortable to talk about the sore knee than my little daughter.

When I did start walking again, I read a Thich Nhat Hanh book that talked about walking "for" the people you love who are missing - thinking of them with every step, and that was a big comfort to me.