Torah with Morrie 11: Learn How to Die; Learn How to Live

Are you ready to die today?

"'Everybody knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently,' Morrie said. 'So we kid ourselves about death,' I (Mitch) said. 'Yes, but there's a better approach. To know you're going to die and be prepared for it at any time. That's better. That way you can be actually be more involved in your life while you're living. . . Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, 'Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?... The truth is, Mitch, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live… Most of us walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully because we're half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do... Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.'" -- Tuesdays with Morrie

Have you ever experienced something so memorable that it is impossible to forget it? Most of us forget a large percentage of the people we meet, the places we go, the events we experience. But certain things stick out in our minds and are never forgotten. Why? What's special about those memorable times?

In the Hebrew language, the word for remember is zachor. There is a principle in Hebrew that phonetic sounds and letters are inter-related regarding their meaning. Consequently, although the word sagar means 'to close,' sagar and zachor are connected in the depth of their connotations (the 's' and 'z' are phonetically close, as are the 'g' and 'ch'). When we remember an event, it is because we originally closed off that occurrence in our minds and locked it in as supremely meaningful.

When we are experiencing our wedding day or our graduation, we connect so powerfully to the celebration that it is as if our psyche is taking a continuous photo session. We store these numerous memories in the 'picture album' of our mind, locking them in and never forgetting them.

There don't seem to be too many days or happenings that we lock in like this. How can we produce more experiences and days to be lived as powerfully? Morrie tells us: Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.

If we truly lived with that little bird on our shoulder asking us if we are ready to die today, we would bond so strongly with every event in our lives. We would appreciate every sunset, every walk around the block, every phone call from our parents, every conversation with our friends, every culinary delight, and so on. Each instant of life would be laced with urgency and passion. We would remind ourselves of the significance that every human experience can yield. We would pinch ourselves regularly as a reminder to appreciate the moment. We would make all days and events meaningful and memorable -- even the so called monotonous ones.

By living each day as if it could be our last, we relate to each life experience passionately, powerfully, and memorably.

This is what is meant by a Talmudic statement that has perplexed many throughout the ages: "Whoever wants to live, must make himself dead" (Tamid 32a).

What does this mean? Judaism teaches that we must embrace life, seize the world and conquer it. How can it be advantageous to make ourselves like we are dead?

The explanation is: Learn how to die, and you learn how to live. By living each day as if it could be our last, we relate to each life experience passionately, powerfully, and memorably.

On the last Shabbat of every Jewish month, we recite a beautiful prayer expressing our hopes and dreams for the coming month. In this prayer, we say, 'God, please grant us a long life.' The question should be obvious: How is it possible to live a long life in one month's time? A month lasts for 30 days. It would make sense for us to request to live out the month, the complete 30 days, but what do we mean when we ask for long life for a month's time?

It is possible to live many years and yet live a short life. It is feasible to live few years and yet live a long life. As a wise man once said, "Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." A month could be one full of long life or it can be a short-lived month. Both months last 30 days. The difference between them lies in how many meaningful moments were created during those 30 days. Thus, we ask God every month to help us experience our lives fully lived.

Whether we imagine the little bird on our shoulder or not, let's keep this in our consciousness: when we learn how to die, we will learn how to live.

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About the Author

Rabbi Boruch Leff is a vice-principal at Torah Institute in Baltimore. "Are You Growing?" (Feldheim), his just released book, is a must read if you want to grow spiritually. Click here for info on the book.

Visitor Comments: 8

(8)
Yochanan,
October 22, 2012 9:26 AM

I am experiencing great tsuris from a VERY acrimonious divorce. I only see my children once a week for an hour in a Therapeutic Visitation. But for that hour, such memories! For the whole week, in my memories,I see them and remember each word, each look, each minute. If I had only known the value of each second spent with them things may have turned out differently. But no regrets, just gratitude for the awareness of the beauty and majesty of each minute I can spend with them. Baruch Ha Shem for such wonderful minutes.

(7)
Miryam,
August 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Thank you

Rabbi, thank you for this article. Is true we need to learn how to live and appreciate every little thing and every moment and yes, live each day as if were the last.

(6)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2005 12:00 AM

Meaning of Memorable?

I noticed that Rabbi Leff enumerated one's wedding day or graduation as memorable days. However, I have met numerous people who claim not to remember much from such large events. Sure they remember the basic parts, and maybe a few select details. But as a whole, they cannot replay the whole event from beginning to end.

Yet people like this can sometimes describe another event with vivid details that may appear to the listener as one of less significance.

So are the abstract memories that people have, that are of seemingly less significance, at all in rank with ones that most certainly are important? If not, then why does our brain choose to grasp these events with so much detail, rather than more important ones? Is there a way to control this?

(5)
meir shapiro,
July 24, 2005 12:00 AM

What a "great" life

If you put a gun to my head, and threaten to shut if I do a wrong move, then I will also remember that my whole life, but what type of life is that?
And the same here; if you think you might die every day, it will make you remember your life, but what type a life is that, when all your thinking about is your death?

(4)
Shushannah Dunklin,
July 23, 2005 12:00 AM

Terminal was the greatest word I ever heard.

Several years ago I was told that with my particular condition at the stage that it was at, I had maybe five years to live. The bird came to my shoulder, it made me think of what I would regret if I never did it when I died. The first one was never seeing Jerusalem, the second was never taking horse back riding lessions. Due to that little bird, I am happy to report that I have been to Jerusalem twice, and I have been riding for three years. In a more recent visit to the doctor, he said all bets were off, I could live to be 100 or another 59 years whichever comes first.

Take to heart what this article says and embrace today, hold fast to the memories. You never know when the people and places that you take for granted will be taken from you, or you from them.

(3)
Anonymous,
July 21, 2005 12:00 AM

meaningful article

I have not thought of living and dying in this way. Thank you, Rabbi. Of course, living is hard, bad things happen, sometimes we make bad things happen. Of course, learning to live life must be the answer. Thank you again.

(2)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2005 12:00 AM

Thanks for inspiring us towards a more meaningful life.

(1)
Rachel,
July 17, 2005 12:00 AM

learn how to live

I agree fully with this article. Being a survivor of clinical death-I live each day, one day at a time, each hour, minute by minute, and each second as if it were my last. I don't fear death when it comes; because I have made the most of every precious moment in my life.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

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