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Sunday, 18 May 2014

50 Things NOT To Do Before 50. An Alternative Bucket List.

Counting down the last six months of being in my forties, I put together a slightly* unrealistic bucket list of things that I would like to do before hitting the Big Five-Oh but while I was doing it I thought of yet another 50 Things that I don't want to do at all. So I made a list. Obviously...

An Alternative Bucket List: 50 Things NOT To Do Before 50

1: Become a grandma.

2: Find out I'm becoming a grandma.

3: Speculate about the merest possibility of becoming a grandma.

4: Wear American Tan Tights.

5: Buy a Barry Manilow album

6: Vote UKIP

7: Read a Mills and Boon..

8: ..or Fifty Shades of Grey.

9: Think Michael Gove might have a point.

10: Worry about my weight

11: Own bathroom scales (see 10)

12: Gibber

13: Grow a beard.

14: Join a cult.

15: Wear polyester.

16: Give up.

17: Listen to The Archers.

18: Lust after Simon Cowell.

19: Know everything.

20: Class A drugs.

21: Wear a thong.

22: Count units.

23: Have a Hobby.

24: Master calculus.

25: Not see the funny side.

26: Put the doctor, dentist and optician on speed dial.

27: Think jeans are only for young people.

28: Say 'There's plenty more fish in the sea' to jilted lovers.

29: Have a favourite daytime TV programme

30: Pyramid selling

31: Think the supermarket cafe serves good food.

32: Speak loudly to foreigners.

33: Shoplift.

34: Grow up.

35: Share a "Share if you...." post on Facebook.

37: Join the circus

38: Have a crush on Harry Styles

39: Wear a Ra ra skirt.

40: Ponder the mortality of man.

41: Have a sensible haircut..

42: ..or buy sensible shoes.

43: Eat tripe**

44: Drown in a vat of gin***

45: Worry.

46: Reinstall iTunes.

47: Start my own faith system

48: The 'Single Ladies' dance, in public.

49: Forget.

50: Use the phrase "When I was young.." more than six times a day.

I might be lying about the last one.

* totally

** This applies to every list of things NOT To Do whatever age you are #justsowe'reclear

*** Because that would be embarrassing *Practises inhaling gin. Again* #justincase