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Monday, August 30, 2010

I Want Candy. No, Seriously, Do You Have Some?

I’m having one of those days where all I want to do is eat candy. I’m pretty sure I could eat candy all day and I’d still want more candy.

Since lunch I’ve had a cookie, a blue raspberry airhead and a generous handful of peanut m&ms.

It’s been 20 minutes since lunch.

Now I’m on the hunt for more candy.

I’d settle for a soda or some other kind of sugary drink, ’cause that’s kinda like liquid candy.

I’ve got the shakes and my stomach feels funny...but I’m pretty sure if I can get my hands on some candy I’ll feel better.

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Elapsed time: 30 minutes

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I’m crashing. I’m crashing hard.

Somebody get me a fluffy pillow, STAT!

Stat means now.

Everything seems so much darker now that the candy is gone...I’m having trouble keeping my head up...my coworkers are starting to notice...it feels like all my blood’s been transformed into a warm, sleepy liquid...

How could you do this to me, Candy? I thought we were buds...I know I chewed you up but I thought I was just helping you fulfill your brightly colored destiny...I never suspected you'd be back to exact your revenge on my nervous system...

ERROR: TOTAL SYSTEM FAILURE. YOU HAVE EXCEEDED YOUR CAPACITY TO PROCESS SUGAR AND/OR THOUGHT.