Dead on Arrival: Dead Upon A Time by Elizabeth Paulson

One girl is kept in a room where every day the only food she’s given is a poisoned apple. Another is kept in a room covered in needles — and if she pricks her finger, she’ll die. Then there are the brother and sister kept in a cell that keeps getting hotter and hotter. . .

A sinister kidnapper is on the loose in Kate’s world. She’s not involved until one day she heads to her grandmother’s house in the woods — and finds her grandmother has also been taken. Already an outcast, Kate can’t get any help from the villagers who hate her. Only Jack, another outsider, will listen to what’s happened.

Then a princess is taken, and suddenly the king is paying attention — even though the girl’s stepmother would rather he didn’t. It’s up to Kate and Jack to track down the victims before an ever after arrives that’s far from happy.

Look at that beautiful cover. Look at this promising verb. Don’t buy the book.

It’s a horrid April Fool’s joke on some pathetic publisher’s behalf.

The book was incredibly short, only a little bit over two hundred pages, yet I barely made it through sixty pages. I think this is one book that was in the wrong medium, Paulson’s writing was such where I think it might’ve connected better as a TV piece instead of a book. Because as the way it was written, I couldn’t connect to any of the characters and only had a vague sense of what was going on.

But look at that cover.

Gorgeous.

Look at that premises.

Kick ass.

The actual book though is terrible.

So freaking bad on so many levels.

Maybe bad isn’t the world, dull probably is the best descriptor. Because in the sixty pages that I read I couldn’t connect or really feel anything for the book.

Even writing a review is difficult.

The thing is I get that I’m not going to be happy with every book I read, but usually I’m going to expect some sort of feeling or connection to said manuscript.

I got nothing here.

Instead, I got a vague narrative with vague character development in the third person.

I have a weird relationship with third person, I either love it when it’s used or hate it. This is one of the cases where I hate it. The writing just lacked any aspect of voice, and I really didn’t know much about these characters other than their names.

The main character, Kate, I think is suppose to be Little Red Riding Hood. And the only reason I know that is her last name’s hood, she’s visiting her grandma, and she meets up with some sort of wolf guy.

That’s it.

Oh, and the sort of wolf guy is the love interest. But it really doesn’t make any sense.

If you like fairytales, just don’t bother with this one. You’d be better off reading The Lunar Chronicles, Cruel Beauty, or Crown of Thorns and Roses. Don’t let the fabulous premises and cover fool you.

Overall Rating: A DNF with an emphasis on F. Nothing remarkable, redeemable, or even note worthy about this blah book.