Sex Sermons In the Church: Marketing God Through Lust

This was an actual ad mailed out by the Gathering Church in Sevierville, Tennessee.

But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts… adulteries, fornications..blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man: Matthew 15:17-20

A pastor puts a stripper pole up at the pulpit. Another church leader puts a bed on top of his church and sleeps in it with his wife, on camera, for 24 hours. Pastors are giving graphic details of their sexual behaviors with their wives to a congregations of men, women and even children. Some pastors are even ordering their congregation to have sex for 30 days straight. For the past several years, there has been a rapidly-growing trend of churches doing a “Sex series,” sermons supposedly focusing on Godly intimate relations and instructing married couples on how to improve their relationship through sex. One such instruction was to make sure that they had the right mattress for their bed, they were told that they needed to check out mattress sizes that would be compatible for their relationship, but there were many other tips that were spoken about. With provocative ads, blasphemous displays and outright witchcraft in some cases, what these apostate pastors are doing is catering to the lust of the flesh and trying desperately to go the world’s way to bring in crowds and greater revenue. This article will show the gross Biblical error with these series and how they are just another part of the end times apostasy – the prophesied fall of a great portion of the Christian church from Biblical Christianity into worldly, satanic deception.

For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness [sexual perversion], and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ. Jude 1:4

The Bible clearly teaches that sex is reserved for marriage between a man and a woman. And there is nothing wrong with preaching that Biblical truth. But what these “seeker-sensitive” churches are doing is preaching on “improving your sex life” through church. There is nothing in the Bible whatsoever that instructs Pastors to coach couples on their sex lives. Yet in an effort to boost popularity, be “relevant” and attract new attendees, churches are going the way of the world by appealing to sexual lust in hopes of drawing people in, turning the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which they should be preaching to help lost souls find eternal life, into sexual perversion.

This is not to say that a Pastor cannot discuss sex with congregants. If a couple is dealing with intimacy issues, that is something that should be discussed with a pastor in private, not in front of hundreds or thousands of people. And this reveals the nature of these sex sermon series – they are about marketing schemes and trying to pack pews. Granger Community Church, one of the fastest-growing churches in America, helped to really jump start this trend back in 2006 by posting a billboard for “mylamesexlife.com” with a provocative photo of a couple’s feet sticking out from under sheets next to a local Hooter’s restaurant. Or watching videos on websites like shemalehdsex, that I hear some enjoy. Sometimes though the issue might be because of something else completely. Perhaps, the man might suffer from erectile dysfunction (which might affect his sex drive), if this is the case then it would be a good idea to check out something like this Advanced Urology.

Now was the Pastor at Granger really interested in helping his congregation improve their intimacy in marriage? If so, why put up billboards for people who have never been to the church? Why advertise something like to this to the general public at all? This was just a marketing stunt to entice people through sexual lust. Notice the billboard does not even mention that the ad is for a church! It’s just using sexual imagery and excitement to get people to go on to their site. Again, it must be stressed that there is nothing in the Bible that instructs pastors or churches to do anything of the sort.

Many churches are putting up billboards to sell sex to their communities.

Granger does not even hide its intention as they put up an “advertising case study” about the sex series, providing statistics on feedback, sample comments and other data from their “marketing campaign.” In they stated their spiritual purpose as well:

“The messages and music helped communicate that sex wasn’t invented in a dark alley behind a porno shop — it is part of God’s design. And in fact, God wants you to have great sex.” (source)

There was no scripture quoted or provided in their case study that shows “God wants you to have great sex.” So how can Granger make this statement? Just like the false ‘Prosperity Gospel’, that says “God wants you to be rich!” and teaches that Christians should command all sorts of financial blessings and wealth based on mangled Scripture interpretation and false promises of heretic Pastors, these churches are taking the same unbiblical approach to intimacy. This time instead of “you can have health and wealth” being the promise, the pastors at these churches are now telling telling their congregations that if you are a Christian you are guaranteed all sorts of fireworks in the bedroom. And again, none of this is said in Scripture.

Granger admitted that they intentionally omitted their name from the billboard “to encourage people to log on to mylamesexlife.com and engage in conversation about sex.” So rather than being honest about this being for a church service (and being honest would seem to be the Christian approach to advertising), Granger church opted to lure the public in for sex discussion on a site they think is just about sexual issues and then use that ‘bait’ to then invite them to church. The study closes with the following quote: “When there’s a buzz in the community about what’s happening at your church, curious people will visit.”

An ad used for the 2012 Resurrection Day Service at City Church in Seattle, Washington.

Jesus Christ said: “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me. (This he said, signifying what death he should die).” It was His death on the cross and resurrection that is the “marketing plan” for the church, not a sex series. Jesus instructed His disciples to teach “whatsoever I have commanded you.” The church’s message to the world is that Jesus Christ died for sinners, whom we all are and that we seek forgiveness and eternal life by putting our full faith in Him. The Apostle Paul wrote:

And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2:2-4

Paul did not preach to the public with his own “spin” that was different from Jesus’ message. It is the Word of God that is “Spirit” and it is the Word of God that gives people faith to believe in Jesus. Not enticing people through lust. Romans chapter 1 says the Gospel is “the power of God to salvation.” Churches do not have to worry about getting people to believe. Churches do not have to try to change people’s hearts for God. God does the changing. Jesus does the saving. It is the church’s responsibility to preach the Gospel as taught in the Bible to let God’s supernatural power work in the lives of people who hear it. Using a sex series like Granger Church is just preaching a false Gospel that promises earthly reward while ignoring the Savior who gives eternal life.

Stripper Pole at the Pulpit

Light of The World Church used a stripper pole, lingerie and money at the pulpit.

Pastor Mike Scruggs of Word of Light Ministries in Ohio put up a stripper pole, bed and lingerie at the pulpit to preach his Sunday sermon. [Scruggs] said preaching with a neon pink pole and a bed on stage is his way of keeping his worship services “relevant” and “straightforward.”

“We don’t sugarcoat anything,” he told WLWT-TV in Cincinnati. Past church discussions have covered drugs, relationships and other topics that his parishioners “are dealing with on a day-to-day basis,” he said.

The sermons are reportedly aimed at getting married couples to have more sex. Taking a page from the book “Sexperiment: 7 Days to Lasting Intimacy With Your Spouse,” Scruggs will advocate his parishioners try having sex every day for a week, the Mail reported. (source)

Word of Light Ministries’ pastor’s quest to be “relevant” led to this ridiculous display at the pulpit. And sure enough, he was able to pack the pews by promising a “sex challenge” and promoting that his stripper pole (which represented, in his words “what all men want”, while the teddy bear and rose petals represented “what all women want”). But “relevancy” should not be the goal. Even if a pastor is concerned about the temptations of fornication, adultery, sexual immorality and other issues that Christians face every day, how does putting a stripper pole on the stage help? What kind of ideas and images is this conjuring in the minds of the church attendees? Will he hand out cocaine for his “relevant” sermons on drugs? Jesus Christ did not appeal to people through their lusts. He simply pointed out their wrongdoing. In John chapter 4 Jesus encountered a woman who was in sexual sin:

Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.) Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans. Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water…Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet. (John 4:6-19)

Jesus approached the woman preaching the Gospel – telling her that He was able to provide “living water” from God, which was a metaphor for eternal life. He then, knowing that the woman was a polygamist and rampant adulteress, pointed out that she was in sexual sin. The woman’s reaction, showed her realization that she was speaking to a man sent from God. It was an acknowledgment of her sin and violation of God’s law. Notice Jesus did not promise her a “better marriage” or “phenomenal lovelife!” The Gospel promises eternal life in Heaven. As Born Again believers, our promises and rewards are in Heaven and that comes through separating from the world, not copying it.

The Falling Away of The Church – Many Follow The Sex Trend

This is sending a very mixed message as church advertising.

“Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling [the Apostasy] away first” – 2 Thessalonians 2:3

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth,” — 2 Timothy 2:3-4

The Bible prophesied that as the end times approached, there would be a time of “apostasy” or a moral “falling” in the church where pastors would no longer follow Biblical principles and start preaching a more worldly message leading people into spiritual error and damnation. Unfortunately, hundreds upon hundreds of churches followed Granger’s lead and started doing sex sermons all over America. Oak Leaf Church in Canton, Georgia used the above ad for their “Storybook Sex” series. Some churches have been so racy in their advertising, they have even been threatened with eviction by their landlords for exposing schoolchildren to their sexualized ads. Cornerstone Christian Fellowship Church in Arizona (which boasts 6,000 person weekly attendance) jumped on the bandwagon as well with a series basically copying Granger’s formula. Here is their commercial for their site mylamesex.com

And here is the ad for their series:

“Is your sex life what you hoped it would be? Does something inside of you believe it could be better? And is better ultimately about a new technique or the latest lotion? Is it possible that what we don’t know about sex itself (about how men and women are wired), is actually what we really keep stumbling over? Is it possible that the one who created sex would actually have some insights into sex? Surprisingly, God is pro sex and wants us to have an exciting and deeply fulfilling sex life. The problem is that most of us only experience a second rate imitation of what God intended it to be! Would you be willing to keep an open mind and open heart while we have a conversation? All you have to lose is your lame sex life. [from their website]

Again, notice this is being marketed to the general public (and Cornerstone also used billboards as well to advertise their sex series). These churches love to promote the idea that “God invented sex” and thus “Christians have the best sex!” (as you’ll see in a sermon below). But where are these guarantees in the Bible? Song of Solomon, the one book of the Bible that goes into any detail on intimacy, is a very difficult to understand book. It details the courting, bridal ceremony and consummation of a marital relationship between King Solomon and a woman known as the “Shulamite.” The book is written in a Hebrew poetic structure known as idylls and is not told in complete chronological order. But there are certain principles that come from the book:

1. We are not to promote lust or entice others outside of the context of a marital relationship:

” I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.”— Song of Solomon 3:5. The meaning of this verse is an exhortation to not focus on sexual lust until you are married. And please note that this verse is repeated three times verbatim in this very short book. The Shulamite woman refrains from discussing intimacy until after the royal wedding ceremony. The Bible seems to be giving a clear message that as believers we should not stir up our own sexual passions and certainly not those of others outside of a marital relationship.

2. Intimacy can be enjoyed in a marriage:

In very colorful poetic language, the Shulamite details the night of consummation with her husband. The language reflects the private nature of marital intimacy as it is not in the least bit graphic. Sexual relations in the Bible are not just for the purpose of reproduction. It is an expression of affection and intimacy. This is confirmed in the New Testament in Hebrews 13:4 which says: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled..”

3. A Husband and Wife should be not withhold their the intimacy:

In Chapter 5, the Shulamite woman details a night where she was asleep and Solomon came to her door to see her. Rather than opening the door she did not get out of bed:

I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night. I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them? My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love. — Song of Solomon 5:2-8

Having already been ready for bed, the Shulamite decided not to let the late-arriving Solomon into her room by pretending to be asleep. By the time she got up regretting what she had done, he was gone. She then raced out into the city to look for him, but in her night clothes, a watchman struck her (mistaking her for a harlot). The point here is that spouses should not use intimacy as a “weapon” or “punishment.” This is confirmed again in 1 Corinthians 7:

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

The Apostle’s Paul instructions here are clear. Denial of intimacy (in spite or punishment) is not a good practice for a Godly marriage, except for when the couple agrees to do so as a part of fasting. Paul even warns that it can lead to Satanic temptation. And today many marriages suffer from this very issue, where spouses feel neglected from an intimatcy standpoint and it carries over to many other areas of the marital relationship, resentment and adultery. But this is not a surprise since many marriages are not being lived in accordance with the Bible.

There is nothing wrong with a church teaching on these Biblical truths. However it should be done in a respectful, Godly manner. First and foremost, the “key” to a stronger marriage is faith in Jesus Christ. There is no biblical basis for discussing graphic sexual intimacy issues with those who are not married in a general service. All of these churches are using the main Sunday service as the platform for these sermon series. So not only are single people hearing this, but children and teens as well. And in the case of two of the biggest Pastors on the “Sex Circuit” — Mark Driscoll and Ed Young, this can really be a problem.

Ed Young’s Sexperiment Heresy

Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa preaching about sex from their bed.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. –Philippians 4:8

Ed Young’s Sexperiment is one of the fastest-selling Christian books promoting this topic. Pastor Young, who heads Fellowship Church in Dallas, Texas (with a congregation of 30,000 and cable TV program), kicked off his promotion of his book by having a “24 Hour Bed-In” with his wife, as they stayed in a bed on the roof of their church for 24 hours straight (with camera crews, news interviews and live streaming). The Sexperiment book instructs couples to be intimate for seven straight days in various locations as a way of improving their intimacy “God’s way.” In their opening sermon in the series (which can be seen here), Young and his wife preach from a bed set up at the pulpit. Once again this was a normal Sunday service with believers, unbelievers, first time attendees, teens and children all in attendance. Just the image of a Pastor and his wife sitting in a bed, bragging about their great sex lives in sinful in itself as it can conjure all sorts of ideas and imagery in the minds of the audience. Most first time church goers probably did not expect to see a woman sitting in bed “preaching” about how there is this great need to discuss sex more.

The Sexperiment sermon only cites 3 passages of scripture. Ironically, Lisa Young reads parts of Romans 12:1-2 which says: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Notice Young’s wife skipped the portion that says be a “living sacrifice.” The point is that as a Christian we should be prepared to give up the lusts of the world and not follow what society wants. Yet this is just what Young and his wife are doing by jumping on the ‘sex sells’ bandwagon. They opened the church service with a rendition of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” a song that is openly and brazenly an ode to fornication. What place does this have in the house of God?

Here are some of the alleged “Biblical teachings” they make in the sermon:

“Sex began in Heaven.”

“Sex is the superglue of marriage.”

“Sex is a big deal in God’s economy.”

“Sex is supernatural. We have a connectivity between God and sex.”

None of these statements are in the Bible. This is the running theme in Young’s sermon series. The Bible says “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.” 2 Timothy 2:15-16). Rather than show that he has been studying the Word, Young makes a number of statements that have no Biblical basis. The verses he does use from the Bible our completely out of context.

Young links sex to “oneness” and says this is what God intended in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” This verse is in reference to marriage. Not sex. The becoming of “one flesh” happens when a man marries a woman. Jesus confirmed this when he repeated this verse in response to a question about divorce. It is not a reference to sex. Young then goes into blasphemy when he says: “{In sex] You have the male characteristics of God and the female characteristics of God coming together.” Nowhere in Scripture are we ever told of any “female characteristics” of God. God is male. He is referred to as “Father.” This is a blasphemous New Age doctrine and Young should be rejected for this reason alone.

They also quote Genesis which states about Adam and Eve: “they were naked and unashamed.” This was a reference to the fact that they had no sin at that point in their lives, not a sexual reference. It was only after Adam and Eve sinned that they even realized they were naked. It is not a statement about their intimacy.

The Youngs then brag that they are still having sex with the Pastor saying “the party’s just beginning baby!” Ed and his wife even reference their embarrassed children sitting in the front row saying “they’re about to have a heart attack” because of their parent’s lewd talk. This again goes to the heart of what is so wrong about these sex sermons. Why is it beneficial for teens and children to hear the Pastor and his wife sitting on a bed saying they are “having a party in bed”? Is this helping their spiritual maturity or are they now sexualizing the leader of the church and his wife? Jesus Christ said: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28). Our thoughts can be sinful and Christians are to guard them against temptation. Sermons like these are bringing temptation to church.

“If you take care of spiritual compatibility, God will take care of the physical compatibility.”

None of these things are ever stated in the Bible. There are no promises of “amazing intimacy!” or “doing it better” in the Bible. Young and his wife call the Bible a “sex guide” yet Song of Solomon is one of the shortest books in the entire Bible. The Bible is first and foremost about Jesus Christ. Jesus said: “search the scripture…they testify of me.” The Bible is about God’s plan of salvation to save sinning humanity from eternity in Hell through faith in Jesus Christ. During their opening sermon of the Sexperiment, salvation is never even mentioned. Only in the final minutes does Lisa Young mention that someone who fornicates can be forgiven for their sin. However, there is no clear Gospel message. And like the Prosperity Gospel, the Youngs make earthly, material goals, the focus of a Christian’s life and not Heavenly.

The Bible says that we are “pilgrims” in this world, who are just passing through. We have no promises of material success in this life. Maybe God will bless a believer with an amazing, Godly marriage full of intimacy. Maybe a Christian will be single all their days. Maybe a person will struggle in their marriage until the very end. These are the consequences of living in a cursed world, that is suffering from the collective sins of humanity. Thus in our fleshly bodies, even Christians will deal with the trials and adversities that sin has brought into this world. What Christians rely on and rejoice in is that we are eternally blessed, saved and rewarded in Heaven through Jesus Christ. That is why Jesus came. Not so that we can “live our best sex life now!” but so that we can believe in Him, receive eternal life and forgiveness of our sins and conform to His image. But of course that is not preached in these false churches. Because there is another goal in all of this: money. Christian sex books are flying off the shelves and people are flocking to these sermons. Mark Driscoll – Profanity in the pulpit

“[The] priests have violated my law, and have profaned mine holy things: they have put no difference between the holy and profane, neither have they shewed difference between the unclean and the clean, ” Ezekiel 22:26

Rising media star Mark Driscoll, Pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, has become infamous for using expletives in his sermons and raunchy talk regarding sex in the Bible. On the church website, he has an “NC-17” section where he gives lurid details of acts of intimacy. Like Young, he of course is heavily promoting a new book on sex in the Bible, co-authored with his wife in which he goes through a checklist of graphic intimate acts and gives his perspective on them. He also like Young shares details of his own intimacy with his wife, which is again, completely inappropriate for a Pastor. The Bible says: ” Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;” How could writing graphic details about your own intimacy not run the risk of stirring fleshly lusts in your congregation? This is not just inappropriate. It is satanic.

In a sermon he gave in Scotland in 2009 (and many times since then), Driscoll preached on the Song of Solomon, taking its metaphorical language and trying to “decode” and apply a specific intimate act to each description. Not only is this a ridiculous mishandling of scripture it removed the whole point of the language in Song of Solomon. The book describes intimate moments without arousing lust. It uses poetry to handle a discussion of marital intimacy in a Godly manner so the reader does not look at the flowery language and start conjuring all sorts of sexual images and ideas about Solomon’s wife. The language is doing the exact opposite of what Driscoll did in his sermon.

In language so vulgar and explicit that it could not be quoted (excerpts of the sermon can be found here), Driscoll misused Scripture to list specific intimate acts that women are “commanded by God” to perform (while of course mentioning that he instructs his wife to do them as well). The Song of Solomon is an expression of love in the context of marriage, not a list of required duties for wives. One of his worst offenses in the sermon was telling the story of a woman who “won her husband to Christ” by intimate acts. This again is taking the Gospel of Jesus Christ and turning it to “lasciviousness.” What Driscoll is teaching is a false Gospel and disrespectful to The Lord in the extreme.

Church Should Be Done God’s Way

Intimacy is an important part of marriage and something that should be addressed in church. But it should be done in a Godly fashion. Why not have a specific service for men only, being preached by a man, where more sensitive issues can be discussed? And then a separate service for women being taught by a woman, and for teens? If a church is truly so concerned about preaching on sex it can be handled in this fashion. And it should be done for members, not for someone who just happens to be visiting for the first time. And those church members should be told the truth: that there are no guarantees of prosperity of any type for Christians in this world, and that includes in the area of intimacy. But if marital relationships are going to improve, it starts with seeking God and His righteousness first and foremost.

Ed Young’s wife made one correct point: the world does bombard us with sex. And now the apostate church has joined in by completely bombarding the nation with sex as well. The Bible says a pastor should be: ” Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.” — Titus 1:9. Pastors are to teach the same Gospel that started with Jesus Christ and it had nothing to do with “boosting your romance.” The Gospel is about sharing the good news that Jesus Christ, in love for humanity, gave His life to atone for the sins that we have all committed. And that by faith in Jesus Christ and the belief that only through Him can we be forgiven for all of our sins, we can go to Heaven. This is how you “win people over.” If you are using God or the Bible as a means to get “guaranteed great intimacy”, you should truly reconsider what the faith is all about. And pray for these pastors to repent for the confusion they are causing in the church and society at large.

Reader Interactions

Comments

Excellent article! When these subjects come up and I am around, I tend to feel like an outsider since these enjoyable acts are for married people. So yes I can see how having these types of sermons are better done in private groups where the couples have the choice as to attend for help. Since I am not married and the world overloads us with sex churchs should find a better way to talk about this with folks who want to hear it. Not that I don’t want to hear it but since I do not have a husband, I do not need hot or great sex, or any sex for that matter,let alone watch pastor in bed with his wife preaching. Idk.. maybe I’d feel different if I was married …

Thank you for your insight. Very well said. Certainly these issues can be discussed by all Christians, whether married or single. And there is nothing wrong with churches teaching or preaching on them. But as something that is very sensitive and a major area of sinful temptation – it should be treated and handled with Godly respect and care. So I’m glad we agree! God bless.

Thank you for posting this. These are my feelings, I am not saying I am 100% correct but I feel the problem here is the subjugating women in the church. It is not right for a preacher to say that a woman’s sexuality is to blame for men stumbling or marriage problems. It is appalling the number of radio sermons that at any given time are talking about sex with their wives in a flippant jovial manner; I feel the spirit behind this is lust and narcissism. This is not pastoral care, this is abuse of authority and these types of pastors need therapy and sexual and gender appreciation classes. Many Biblical counseling resources also tend to shame women for being over-sexualized or under-sexualized and then blame them for marital problems. I avoid listening to a number of male preachers because it seems like they are off in this sexual fantasy-land creating topical sermons on “Sex God’s Way” or “Biblical Sex” or “How to Have a Hot Marriage”. This typically urges wives to maintain hypersexualized lives to meet a man’s innate need for sex. I don’t recall ever hearing sermons urging men to meet the needs of their wives and giving careful respect not to damage women through various forms of misogyny. I rarely ever and have yet to hear a sermon demanding men to stop cultivating mentally abusive, sexually abusive and physically abusive relationships. These men are seldom/never removed from church or confronted. They are pardoned/hiding all over the churches. 1/3 women are abused. One in three. I want to see more females teaching in churches and given a platform, not saying I condone female pastors but I support opportunities for females to teach. We desperately need this. In Genesis 3:16 Eve received a curse for her sin and God said, “Your husband will rule over you.” We definitely live in a fallen world but we don’t have to support all the sexual antics and shaming of women.

Wonderful article, B&E, as always! You always come bringing the truth and nothing but the truth.

So, exactly when did pastors become sex therapists and marriage counselors? I thought their role was only as spiritual counselor. Seems to me that if a married couple went to their pastor with marital issues, the pastor should then be able to refer the couple to a professional marriage counselor who is better trained and experienced at handling marital issues.

This is so sad and I am just SMH. I really do believe these people have lost their minds – all of them! Pastor Driscoll (if it is even appropriate that he be called “pastor” because I can think of a better title for him: Pervert Driscoll) should be ashamed of himself. The times he did mention the Lord Jesus Christ in his sermon, each time it was in some lewd, disrespectful manner. And then the stripper pole in the pulpit … made me roll my eyes with a huge sigh. Made me think the message that they’re attempting to send is: “Wives, we’re tired of sneaking off to the strip clubs behind your backs, so please learn how to strip dance and we won’t have to.”

Sounds like these pastors are horny, oversexed (or they could be undersexed, as well) men who are abnormally fixated on sex and lasciviousness more than they are concerned with the proper teaching of the Word of God. Jude 1:4 definitely applies to this subject. This is one of the main reasons why I stopped attending church a long time ago. There really is nowhere to go to escape the perversions of the world. And the pastors’ wives are just as bad, totally ignoring the admonition in 1Timothy Chapter 2:11-12. I used to think that the teachers and preachers were misinterpreting the Word of God simply because they didn’t know any better and didn’t have a clear understanding of what they were reading. Then I found out (after reading the Word myself) that they are doing it deliberately because that’s what they want to do.

I’m really speechless at this point. You really just become at a loss for words at this.

Although there has been instances in Bible talking about sex and its importance in married life, there are several other important issues to be covered in gospel. These are private topics and if couples require, they may contact the pastors privately. But advertising like this and using sex as a promotional and marketing tool is not justifiable.

I really found this article (like many of them on this website) to be very insightful, but would like to ask if you have listened to The City church’s message on sex (Jesus is bringing sexy back). If not, I would please encourage you to do so. I noticed you posted a picture of the ad for the series, but did not mention anything you might have found wrong with the message. I am not here to say that I find nothing wrong with what some of these pastors are doing, as a matter of fact, it troubles me that these mixed signals are being displayed in the body of Christ. I wanted your insight to the The City church because I’ve listened to that series and did not find anything that resembled to what you have pointed out in your article. Maybe I missed something that you could share with me. I know that upon viewing the ad for the message and reading the title, that it looks & sounds very worldly, but again I didn’t get any of that when I listened to it. I look forward to your response.

I am glad you liked the article. I did listen to the sermon from City Church some time ago. And yes, he does make good points about sexual immorality, recovering from porn addiction and how Jesus can bring healing from sexual sins. But the problem is that his advertising does not say any of this. He used an ad that referred to Jesus Christ The Lord in a blasphemous way based on a secular song that is about fornication. And remember, this was for Resurrection Sunday which is probably the top day of the year for new people, who normally do not attend church, to visit. So in this way what City Church did was very similar to Granger Church putting up an ad about a sex site and then luring people in and inviting them to church. City Church’s ad is appealing to lust and worldliness as a way to bring people into church.

Also, note that the Pastor, Judah Smith, opened the sermon by saying that Christians should tell the world “Christians are having the best sex!” with no scripture for that and he then has an awkward moment because only a handful of people clapped. To his defense, he did quickly move on from that angle and started preaching from the Bible and actually sharing the Gospel as the true solution. So thanks for your very accurate comment. It was a solid sermon on sexual issues. It was just marketed with a very confusing message. God bless.

Really thankful for this piece, so detailed, insightful, strongly defended with scriptures, I believe the Holy Spririt led me to this page this morning,.. All such ministers need healing, as for Mark, I do not see what part he is playing in this Kingdom duty, here is the conclusion of the whole matter, for every idle Word that may proceed out of the mouth of men, they will give an account one day at the Master’s judgement seat.. God Bless

”I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.” – Song of Solomon 3:5. The meaning of this verse is an exhortation to not focus on sexual lust until you are married.

I’ve read Song of Solomon many times and it really is one of the mos difucult books to grasp. But even though I understood that it was not written chronogically & that it was a book celebrating the courtship of a couple plannign to marry soon, I don’t see how the verse above relates to refraining for sex until after marraige. That is certainyl a biblical principle, but even in Strongs; “til he please’ doesn’t translatye into anything that referrences sex or the weddign night.

Can’t the bride simply be warning her handmaidens that the groom is sleepign and not to awaken the him until he decides to get up?

This is a great question. The pledge by the “rose and the hinds” is an urge to use caution. When you are hunting a small deer, the slightest noise will set them running off frantically. She is speaking of her own desires in the same manner. We are to be circumspect, careful and cautious when it comes to sexual lust. It is very easy to set it off and lead one’s mind into all sorts of sinful imaginations. The Shulamite would not have been in bed with Solomon prior to her wedding night and the daughters of Israel or choir would not be in their marital chamber while Solomon was sleeping. I understand that Strong’s does not support this definition, but the context of the passage is one of waiting until marriage to arouse any passions. Hence its repetition throughout the book.

In Chapter 8 we see yet another profession of the Shulamite’s chastity before marriage:

We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? 9 If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar. 10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour. – Song of Solomon 8:8-10

In this passage the brothers of the Shulamite proclaim that if their sister, the Shulamite is a “wall”, meaning a woman who properly maintains her modesty and protects her Biblical purity, they will build a “palace of silver” upon her, meaning they will reward and exalt her. But if she is a “door”, meaning a women who lets men in to know her intimately, which is sinful rebellion, they will “inclose her with boards of cedar” a reference to shunning, hiding and punishing her with shame. Her response in verse 10 is yet another testimony to her sexual purity: she is indeed a wall and she has protected her body and sexuality like one in a tower (a strong defensive structure) and has thus found favor in the eyes of her groom to be. So again, the message she is conveying is that she did not give into fornication and understands the importance of obedience to God in matters of intimacy. Hence her exhortation to not stir up love, “until he pleases” or until the right time, which is after one has been married.