Let’s all give it to Mugabe, who says he has no intention of dying…

People like Mugabe believe that wisdom can only come from their brains, no matter how mummified that brain is

There were so many topics calling for my attention this week, dear reader, but none quite caught my eye like the news I read about President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. Ever a man of news, there is no shortage of things and sayings ascribed to him. Many wise sayings have been heaped upon his venerable head. For instance, I heard that he said that ‘wrestling is useless and confusing. How can people without trousers fight for belt?’ Add to that: ‘If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform’; and ‘No African girl will choose six pack (sic) over six cars… So stop going to the gym and go to work.’

I say, I heard these things and I nodded my own unwise head, thinking ‘what a wiiiise man! At least, there is still one wise man left on this African continent, if not in the world. People should pay to be allowed to go pick the wise words that fall from the lips of this ancient! Man, you cannot beat the logic in any of them.

I believe he probably has said a lot more; although, it is also possible that he never said any of these things. It is possible that some other wise one exists somewhere who has been minting these pearly words from the pearly gates of anonymity, but we’ll never know now, will we? He/she won’t come forward as proudly as Mugabe has, so what are we to do? So, until another wise old/young one comes forward, no matter how slowly, we must continue to bow to Robert Mugabe as the utterer of wise words and the giver of uncommon thoughts.

My own admiration for the man’s words of wisdom (I can’t say the same for his politics) suffered a shock last week though when I read his latest utterances. First he was reported to have said that he had no intention of stepping down as president of the country any time soon, a country he has governed since 1980, since he was only 93! Then more importantly, he was said to have told his countrymen and women that he had no intention of dying yet. Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and let us give it to President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, a man who knows the mind of God!

Like I said, I have no competence to comment on the man’s political savvy; I have never been to Zimbabwe. I have only heard things about his presidential abilities. For instance, I only heard that when he took over the country from the colonial whites in 1980, he cleverly sided out Joshua Nkomo, his fellow patriot in arms. At that time, the economy was strong even if it was in the hands of the neo-colonial whites. To Mugabe’s credit, he not only avoided any power sharing with Nkomo, he also avoided any power tussle with the white overlords by throwing them out of the country. With that score card, I guess it matters not that under him, I hear you need millions of the Zimbabwean dollar to buy an egg.

I guess too that Zimbabweans must like him. I mean, they must or they couldn’t be so quiet. I hear that they feel that Mugabe has provided some stability in their nation. That’s why they say the people are so worried that after he dies, there may be chaos. So, all they want from him is for him to name his successor. Seriously, I find something very wrong with this line of thinking. I feel it is too much like the country is saying ‘it’s all right, folks, we like our pain. Go take care of your own comforts, thank you very much.’

To start with, there is everything wrong with a 93-year-old man ruling a country, no matter how strong he is. Even if, as Mugabe himself claims, his organs are in tip-top state, the most important organ cannot be accounted for at that age: his brain. One must commend his maker for giving him this kind of longevity, though it is clear that his brain expired way back many wise sayings ago. The fact that he does not see anything wrong with the fact that the inflation figures in his country are beyond the calculations of a calculator is proof indeed that he is way past it. The people deserve better.

More importantly, the people’s anxiety over a successor for the president speaks for itself. It speaks of a situation where self-service and self-preservation has ruled the heart of the ruler, just as I hear those are dominating the hearts of our national assemblymen and women right now. God forbid that they should let the benefits of the state guide their choices in matters of the state. Anyway, Mugabe has betrayed himself to be the typical African leader in his preoccupation with the self rather than the state.

Since most African states are pluralistic ethnically, culturally and linguistically, succession is always and typically a worrisome issue. And since the rule is that Africa’s heads of state easily upturn the rules and regulations of the state for self-perpetuating reasons, things get complicated indeed in the wake of their deaths. In short, chaos ensues. So, one would think that serious state heads would want to ensure that things run smoothly after them by seeing that they run smoothly right in their ‘very before’. This philosophy is behind the system that the western world has devised to ensure that the entire citizenry participates in government.

It’s a shame that the average African leader does not see things this way. People like Mugabe believe that wisdom can only come from their brains, no matter how mummified that brain is. Hence your African leader is prepared to condemn his country to years of an impoverished and mummified economy in his lifetime and further years of unproductive bickering over succession after his death as long as he remains in power for as long as he likes. It’s a shame really.

I think the problem lies in this absoluteness of power in Africa, and inefficient checks and balances due to ignorance, poverty and superstition. Nowhere in the world does so much power lie in the hands of one man than in a dictatorship or in an African leader. God help us if the two reside in one breast. That is when men display a primitivity worse than that of the monkeys. In Africa, power is used not only recklessly but senselessly because the small group of elites existing can easily be coerced into silence, complacency, cooperation or imprisonment. That is why an African country’s leader can boldly tell his people that he reserves the heaven-ordained right to kill his citizens and he would not be judged for it in heaven.

Man, I think the people of Zimbabwe should be able to tell Mugabe that enough is enough. A 93-year-old man needs rest from his labours, whether good or bad. I think he’s afraid to step down because he might be tried for the bad. Whatever his fears, the time has come to convince Mugabe that he and his ilk should please stop ruining Africa’s good name by ruling well or letting others do it and they can stand aside in advisory capacities.

Once more, I say let’s give it to Mr. Robert Mugabe who says he has no intention of dying, because he has had a conversation with God on the matter of his death. Only, he should please share that audio/video evidence. If he does not have that evidence, then he should please step aside, and he shouldn’t make me to have to make him.