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The 25 Most Ridiculous Texas Stories of 2017

From Russian trolls to El Chapo to Sid Miller's dream of a hog apocalypse, 2017 has been off the charts with ridiculousness. Here are a few of our favorite "Texas" moments from this past year.

By San Antonio Current Staff | 25 Images

Tuba #6... gone, but not forgotten. After getting completely wrecked in a UTSA football game, several band members paid tribute to the fallen instrument with an open casket ceremony, which is... sweet? Morbid? Both? Read more.

Sen. Ted Cruz came up with the novel idea that we should use El Chapo's seized assets to build Trump's contentious wall, since, you know, Mexico isn't going to pay for it. Unfortunately for Cruz, the feds still haven't found El Chapo's supposed $14 billion stash of cash. Read more.

Boerne resident Kyle Courtney was so fed up with ABC News' coverage of the presidential election that he bought a huge billboard to express his dismay, which is that the liberal media is brainwashing America. (Sorry, America.)Read more.

The right to hunt hogs from a hot air balloon in Texas was strangely unchallenged in both legislative chambers. As always, our representatives have our best interests at heart. Read more.

A South Texas man chose to pursue a new life with a new partner in Ohio without telling his wife or children where he was heading, leading police and family to launch a massive search. Probably would’ve been easier if he just left a note. Read more.

After finally getting pulled over, Darrius Brown put on a show for his arresting officers. It's hard to say what's best in this video: the bold dance moves or how utterly confused the police are. Read more.

A Texas woman in dire need of medical attention refused to go with paramedics until she was promised a Big Red for her efforts. And the Texan of the Year Award goes to... Read more.

For the third time this year, suspects used a forklift to steal an ATM, thus the term "forklift thievery" was born. Read more.

Sid Miller, a gem in the Internet age of memes, signed off on a plan to reduce the wild hog population: poison by toxic kibble. (Somewhat) surprisingly, it was Miller who dubbed this the “Hog Apocalypse.” Read more.

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Thousands seeking Harvey relief had to agree to one strange rule before it was granted to them: Don't boycott Israel. Because boycotting Israel was such a priority at that time. Read more.

A super popular Texas secessionist page was shut down by Facebook on the suspicion that it's run by the same Russian group that influenced the 2016 U.S. election. Read more.

Former Governor Rick Perry got duped into having a 22-minute phone call with Russian trolls. Topics ranged from cyber hacking to the Paris Agreement to pig poop... totally not suspicious. Read more.

Councilman Alan Warrick had one too many drinks and ended up sleeping it off on a park bench... twice. To remedy this "occurrence," since Warrick is the last person to call it an alcohol problem, he's promised to stay away from "binge drinking environments." Right... Read more.

Mayor Taylor caught some serious flack earlier this year for saying that “broken people” facing poverty have a bad relationship with God. Hm, maybe, but probably not. Read more.

A Temple police officer was tasked with catching a loose cow. After the officer enclosed the cow in a gated playground, it charged at him mercilessly and made its escape. Just another day in Texas. Read more.

Three geese went missing from Eden Pond and residents were NOT happy about it. The neighborhood cared so much for its local geese that it offered a reward for their safe return. Read more.

Falls City resident Janie Moy took care of business when a 4-foot rattlesnake slithered on her driveway. Read more.

This San Antonio woman gets busted every few years for hoarding cats. Since 2007, Animal Care Services has seized 169 cats from D’Ann Trethan's Northeast Side home. Read more.

Remember that cop who tried to feed the homeless literal shit sandwiches? He’s back at it with an equally mature stunt. Matthew Luckhurst and a fellow officer defecated in the women’s locker room, then spread the feces on the toilet because “a female officer requested the women’s bathroom be kept clean.” Read more.

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The Texas guac game will be seeing depressing lows after this 18-wheeler crashed with thousands of avocados in tow. No one was injured in the crash, but our appetizer menus might be seeing some changes soon. Read more.

After stealing a U.S. Postal mail carrier, 22-year-old Bradley J. A’Hearn led police on a multi-day car chase that involved multiple getaway cars and a few braggadocious thieves. Read more.

Police were called to a church where a cow's tongue was nailed to the wall. The person behind this majorly weird, potential hate crime is still a mystery. Read more.

Thomas J. Henry, the San Antonio lawyer who took advantage of the Sutherland Springs tragedy to promote his law firm, self-produced a reality show about his family as they planned for a million-dollar birthday party for a freakin’ teenager. Read more.

A 46-year-old woman from Sealy, Texas sent bombs in the mail to Barack Obama and Gov. Greg Abbott. A cat hair found on Obama's package led detectives to the culprit: a Texas cat lady. Read more.

Tuba #6... gone, but not forgotten. After getting completely wrecked in a UTSA football game, several band members paid tribute to the fallen instrument with an open casket ceremony, which is... sweet? Morbid? Both? Read more.