Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ignoring perfection

I have finished reading “Balanced Mom” and am trying to incorporate some of those ideas with the changes I am already making to be happier and healthier in the life/body I have. Being a women and Catholic, I sometimes feel like I am almost pre conditioned to be unhappy and guilty, but that could just be my genes!

I think the biggest problem is my tendency to veer towards perfectionism and type A personality traits. As a mom you can't be perfect, there is no such thing. One of my very good friends told me when my son was born not to try so hard, not to worry about it. “He doesn't know your doing it “wrong” your the only mom he knows, your way is the only thing he knows, so it's only wrong if you tell him it's wrong”. That was so meaningful to me and I try to remember it every day.

Letting go of perfect is hard, but when you do life is so much more rewarding. I long ago accepted that with two kids, two cats, a sloppy husband and my un-domestic abilities that we would have a messy house. I would focus on a happy house because it was easier to achieve, and more fun. But I find that the internal stress to be perfect, to do all the “right” activities, to look a certain way, to keep the kids behaving in a certain way, yada, yada, yada is almost harder then keeping the house clean. I need to remind myself daily to slow down, put on blinders to the mess or turn the volume down on the internal critic and just live life.

Having toddlers helps with that, they life in the moment. Every new and exciting moment and I am working on that as well.It feels harder now and I wonder if that isn't my internal voice making it harder. I am sure all these moms are not perfect out here, I am sure their houses only look perfect because it's my first visit. I am sure once I make friends like I had at home I will realize that like me, the image of perfect is a facade hiding a real mom who is struggling just like me.