Struggling to find that perfect birthday gift for a loved one? Looking for something theological to impress the new minister? Look no further and prepare for blessing as we introduce you to godly gadgetry.

As everyone knows, God hates fags. So isn't it time you got the message?

Maybe you've tried everything. Hypnosis, nicotine patches, ultra-ultra lights, coughing in tongues. Well, how about the ultimate aversion therapy? Just gaze into the bearded face and tear-rimmed eyes of the one who has been successfully inducing guilt for centuries. And pray the Penitent Smoker's Prayer: "Jesus, gimme a light, willya?"