Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Living with ocd

I believe that carrying on compulsions is frustrating at times. There are even been a couple of times when I tried to quit cold turkey. Having obsessive thoughts and overcoming them is one thing, but actually dealing with both the thoughts and compulsions is another. I guess I have POCD, which is purely about the obsessive thoughts. But I wonder if anyone ever had just compulsions? That would be interesting to know. I would think that a person who has POCD would have at least one compulsion that they don't have difficulty performing on a daily basis. I have begun to question, even overthink things. I hated that, but I really really hate not feeling anything even more. I try to see the positives, despite all of the negatives. Having said all of that, it is not easy to see the positives with all of the anxious thoughts, the avoidance, and the compulsions. I guess that OCD to me is a daily struggle of having to deal with trying to fight with figuring out the negatives and the positives. It would be about the struggle of why me? Why am I living like this? I need help here. Why doesn't God just heal me? I find myself asking those questions often. However, I cannot imagine my life without having OCD. I wonder if that is a good thing or if that is a bad thing. Could it be both?