"He was toying with them. It’s like if you got a cat. You know how you get these little laser pointers and you have a little kitten or a cat and the cat goes nuts chasing the light? It will run into a wall. That’s what I was watching here today. It was fantastic"-Rush Limbaugh

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MSM: Trump is afraid to have a one-on-one press conference and face tough questioning by the media. He has too many scandals and too much to answer for. He's afraid to take us on at this time. His administration is crumbling and he's in hiding as it falls. He's afraid of our awesome power.

MSM (after 75 minutes of a one-on-one press conference with Trump): Make him stop! This hurts! He doesn't respect our power! He keeps calling us names! A president isn't supposed to act like this!

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I can't even imagine the self-control one needs to work at a bubble wrap factory!

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Q: How many liberals does it take to pave a driveway?

A: It depends on how thin you slice them.

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This just in:

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Instead of assuming someone's gender, assume their genitals. That way you'll have a 50% chance of being correct instead of a one in thirty-seven chance.

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I don't understand how the left can recognize 97 different genders but can't tell the difference between a legal immigrant and an illegal immigrant.

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A sampling of the worlds shortest books:

My plan to find the real killersby OJ Simpson

Guide to dating etiquetteby Mike Tyson

Things I cannot affordby Bill Gates

My little book of personal hygieneby Osama Bin Laden

Things I love about Billby Hillary Clinton

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As my wife lay in the coma the doctors approached the life support machine.