Monday, March 29, 2010

I was just filling out our census form here (I see that they have once again neglected to include "hillbilly" as an option among the race choices, dagnabbit), and I realized it was about time someone did some high-powered ciphering here in the blogosphere, too, if only to make sure we don't run out of French onion dip at BlogHer this summer. (Seriously, not a risk any of us should be willing to take.)

And so, for the good of the blogosphere, the Internet and salted-snack enthusiasts everywhere, please take a moment to share your answers to the questions below. Please note that your responses will be held in the strictest confidence, provided we don't tweet and/or Facebook them.

All righty, then! Here we go...

The 2010 Blog Census

1. How many blogs do you have?

a. Noneb. 1c. 2d. 17

2. How many readers does your blog have?

a. 0-1b. 1-2c. 2-3d. 10,000+

3. How would you describe your blog? Check all categories that apply:

O It's a mom blog.

O It is NOT a mom blog!

O I review books.O I review other people's reviews of books.

O I take eye-popping photos of food that is so beautiful, it could not have been prepared without divine intervention.

O It's not a humor blog, but for some reason, people keep laughing at it.

O It's a place where I can tell stories.O It's a place where I can tell stories about my in-laws.O It's not really a "blog," you know? I mean, I'm not one of those blogger people, but it's a little place where I can post photos of my kids for the grandparents to see, plus share a couple of recipes. Oh, and when I see a movie I really like, I talk about it. I also vent about the freaks at my job sometimes, but I don't use my real name on there so that's all right. I also paint. Watercolor. Sometimes I share one of my paintings, but then I almost always take it down right away because I'm shy. I got a really nice comment once, though, about one of my paintings. It made my day. I printed it out and put it on my fridge and sometimes when I think about quitting, I see that comment and I think maybe I'll make another painting. It's not a real blog, though. It's just a place I made where I have my stuff.O All of the above.

O Other.

4. How often do people ask you what this "blog" thing is that you're doing OR ask you when you're going to "post a new blog on your website?"

a. 3-4 times per monthb. 5-7 timers per weekc. 8-10 times per dayd. hourly

5. What is your ultimate goal with respect to blogging?

a. To bring back culottes.b. To recruit followers to my army of cape-wearing perfume spritzers.c. To vent enough steam that I can resist shooting up my local post office.d. World domination.

Thank you for taking the time to answer this short questionnaire.

You will be contacted by my cousin Bud an official census representative to schedule the final portion of the process: the in-home interview. For optimum results, please secure your dog(s), drop one of those blue-water tablets in your guest potty and place bowls of Funyuns in strategic locations throughout your home.

And Now...The News

Bitchin' Book Alert

Beth Kephart's anticipated young-adult novel, THE HEART IS NOT A SIZE (named to the coveted Indiebound list for Spring 2010), will be released March 30, and is now available for order. From the jacket flap:Georgia knows what it means to keep secrets. She knows how to ignore things. She knows that some things are better left unsaid. . . . Or are they?

When Georgia and her best friend, Riley, travel along with nine other suburban Pennsylvania kids to Anapra, a squatters' village in the heat-flattened border city of Juarez, Mexico, secrets seem to percolate and threaten both a friendship and a life. Certainties unravel. Reality changes. And Georgia is left to figure out who she is outside the world she's always known.

Beth Kephart paints a world filled with emotion, longing, and the hot Mexican sun.

Sounds amazing, doesn't it? Beth's writing is evocative and soulful and no matter whether you qualify as a "young" adult or not, I'm confident you will love her work.

And don't forget to visit Beth's blog, one of the most thoughtful, illuminating destinations on the Web.

Incoming Contest!

Don't you just love a contest? I don't, but whatever. Anyway, I'll be holding a big ol' contest here very soon and I have a feeling it'll be a real barn-burner, so heads up!More BlogHer Sessions Announced

BlogHer just announced more sessions on the BlogHer '10 conference agenda, including another round of Room of Your Own sessions. You can read all about them here.

Special congratulations to my friend Florinda of 3Rs Blog, who will be making her BlogHer speaking debut in a session entitled "The Evolving Publishing Ecosystem." (Florinda, if you get hungry during the session, I'll be in the front row with beef jerky. Just give me the high-sign and I'll whip you a piece.)And Thank You...

...to Dusty Earth Mother for giving me the Beautiful Blogger Award (as opposed to the Haggard Blogger Award, which would be more accurate).

Horrible person that I am, I am just plain envious of everyone who gets to attend blogher in NY. I skip all paragraphs that have anything to do with the event to keep myself sane and untraveled on the rock.

If I could achieve world domination through my blog that would be great. That way I would never have to actually, you know, like talk to anybody about it. Or, even worse, listen to their complaints. I could just write up an entry and my word would be law.

Thanks so much for giving me a new goal! As a token of thanks, I would promise you that my first order of business would be put 'hillbilly' as a category on the new census, but since I hate paperwork, there just won't be any more census taking. We'll never know how many of them and their kin are out there.

Hey! This is the same census form I got, but I received it twice since Texas had such low numbers, plus mine was sent to the Dept of Homeland Security because I'm on the terror watch list for wanting to bring back culottes.

Hmmm...I was quite surprised by selection (answer choices) in the most recent census. I don't think there were even half as many options in the one I had to help my parents fill out when I was a kid. Teehee...

I so dig your census questions!!!! I just found out that although there are only 10 questions this census year, that RANDOMLY, 75,000 surveys are mailed out every month that are very, very long. You can also get both of these (census and the survey). So, back to your questions, I liked them much better than sharing how many bathrooms I have in my home....

Thanks, I enjoyed your blog and will visit again. You may or may not like my post on Darwin if you care to check it out. Good to see someone doing a census on blogging, I had been curious about blog sites and thought to do a survey looking at random sites, but your 'census' is a good idea.

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Anna Lefler is an award-winning writer and humorist and the author of THE CHICKTIONARY: FROM A-LINE TO Z-SNAP, THE WORDS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW (Adams Media, November 2011). Her work has appeared online at Salon.com, McSweeney's, TheBigJewel, MyPheme, FunnyNotSlutty and HumorPress. Anna's essays on modern motherhood have been nationally syndicated and her fiction has been presented onstage by WordTheatre Los Angeles. She has performed standup comedy in Los Angeles clubs including the Hollywood Improv, the Comedy Store, Room 5 Lounge and M Bar. Anna can also be found at www.annalefler.com, where she is trying to stop referring to herself in third person.