Now Stalk me on Instagram!

A Sacrifice For The Greater Good

The sweet sweet art of desperately trying to avoid somebody you don’t want to talk too.

Have you ever been somewhere?… Let’s say a popular bookstore. Maybe we’ll call it “Smarnes and Gnobles” and you see somebody that you don’t want to run into (Possibly an Ex-wife). You’ve seen them, but you’re in luck because they haven’t seen you. Now you have to make it to the exit before they see you and the awkwardness begins.

Sure you could do the dignified thing and simply calmly walk towards the exit…..Or you could adopt your super secret Ninja persona!

Deftly you weave your way between book cases as only a middle aged slightly pudgy man can. And are you humming the theme song to “Mission Impossible?” You bet your ass you are. You carefully make your way past the Paranormal Romance section.

AVERT YOUR EYES! Lest you be lured in by Edward Cullen’s glittery six pack abs. You have a mission to complete.

You’re six feet from the exit. Freedom is literally withing striking distance… When suddenly “Smarnes and Gnobles” crack store security rains fiery doom upon you. Apparently security takes a very narrow minded view of ninjas. Possibly because they are jerks.

As you are being tasered repeatedly in the genitals by the cops and forced into a waiting police car you see your Ex-wife out of the corner of your eye. The look on her face is one of disgust, not surprise mind you, just a look of disgust mingled with shame.

You are now being shipped off to a detention cell where undoubtedly a large sweaty man will complement you on how “perdy” your mouth is. You think to yourself, “At least I didn’t have to talk to her….”

VICTORY IS INDEED SWEET!

It is 1:00 a.m. and I am super sleepy and with the sleepy comes the silly. I know I will regret writing this in the morning, but I refuse to hit the backspace button. So for whatever it’s worth enjoy my sleepy time nonsense.

I often tell my wife I wish I had the ability to change my appearance at will. I’d never leave the house with the same face twice as I find it incredibly jarring and awkward to run into people I used to know.

Her response to this is usually “Shut it! And go to work” (No sympathy)