A Little Too Much Muscle

If you are into the ripped bodybuilder-type men, you'll love these cards. But if you like men with a healthy muscular build and a thick willy, you won't find much to get your motor running in this deck.

Alan has a couple of those naked women card decks laying around here so I thought I'd take a peek at an all-guy deck just to see what it was like. They say that women are turned on more by what goes on in the mind while men are more turned on by visuals, but since I'm the odd female that has to have something to look at during "me time" I thought they might actually be useful beyond just satisfying my curiosity too.

The Colt Naked Muscles is a regular card deck (52 marked and 2 jokers) with the word COLT on the back and photographs of men on the front, along with the card's suit and number. They're thinner than average playing cards so they bend easily, and they have a low-gloss finish on them. I wouldn't call them "durable" and I certainly wouldn't think they'd stand up to much shuffling or cleaning, but they aren't going to fall apart the first time you use them either.

A quick note about the packaging:
These cards are over-packaged, seriously. They may be marketed toward women, but they come sealed in a thick plastic display shell that takes some real manhandling with a knife to get it open. Once you get past that, the deck is in a thin cardboard box just like any other set of playing cards... couldn't they have just wrapped that in cellophane and skipped the shell?

Anywhoo, on to the men. For the most part, each card has a different man on it, though 7 did get featured in two poses each. Most are Caucasians who look to be somewhere in their thirties, and almost all of them have buzz cuts or super short hairstyles. In three words? Not my thing. The guy that you see on the product photo is one of the most attractive of the lot, but when they said "muscles" they meant that the majority of the deck depicts over-pumped bodybuilders all oiled up and posing like they were modeling for Iron Man magazine. A couple of them were so bloated and veiny that they looked like giant scrotum sacks, which was just gross. And do you know that old saying about how the bigger a guy's muscles get the smaller his willy becomes? Well yeah, about 20 of these cards are proof positive of that, a few to the extreme.

Muscles definitely take the stage over genitals in that most of these men are posing either flaccid or semi-flaccid too.

That's not what every single card was like (thankfully) but the vast majority of these aren't pictures of the average hott well-built guys sporting a boner either. And for some reason they've included a picture of a guy in boy shorts and another in Spandex pants in this "naked" deck.

I guess I can't fault the cards themselves too much, they are what they are, but they're not quite what I was expecting and, with the exception of a few, they don't do much for me. In the future I'll know that when they say "muscles" they really mean it though!

Experience

Alan says:
Well these are obviously not up my alley, but my wife didn't want this to be the first review that we didn't write together so I will note an observation I made. I don't think these would be a great functional poker deck because some of the cards have dark backgrounds behind the black spades/clubs that made them a bit hard to see. I realize that most ladies won't be buying these cards for that, but if you do happen to want them for a Girl's Poker Night or something they might not work very well.

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