Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why Did I Drink This?

I love the fever pitch, especially when it reaches a level where my my curiosity and stupidity can no longer ingore it. This Wednesday, the FDA is expected to decide on the safety of boozy energy drinks such as Four Loko, so before my window closed on the opportunity to see what all the fuss was about, I convinced Mrs. Gastro and the Gastro-in-laws to join me in a controlled experiment involving a case of blue raspberry-flavored Four Loko. The results, not surprisingly, were disastrous. So disastrous in fact that we can only show you the pre- and post-Four Loko-logues. In between, we only managed to finish two cans among the four of us, I made my nephew cry (on his birthday. Sorry, Paddy), and I didn't even make it to bed. Instead, Mrs. Gastro informed me that at the end of the experiment, I passed out on the couch, and like a soldier wounded beyond repair, I simply told her, "I'll be fine here." The next thing I remember is waking up at 5:30am because I felt like I was getting kicked in the face repeatedly, and I dragged myself up to bed, where this final clip is shot (turn the volume up on this one).

I started the evening against the ban, but after Four Loko dragged me face-first over glass-impregnated gravel, I would be happy to see it removed from the shelves. Buen provecho.