Confessions of a modern-day renaissance woman

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Tag Archives: stay at home vs. career

About 7 years ago, I was standing just outside “flower row” on Avenue Road. It was a very special Sunday, Mother’s day, and people were buying flowers for their mothers/sisters/grandmothers/aunts/wives. Meanwhile, for me it was just a typical downtown Sunday, where I had just come from having a very satisfying meal at one of my favourite brunch places, looking every bit the rotund mother-to-be…43 pounds more heavy, 6 weeks pre-baked, prego lady…the perfect subject for a feel-good TV interview piece about Mother’s Day.

A reporter got one look at me and ran right over, practically salivating! She prepped her cameraman (who also looked really excited but I think more because he could finally get his shot and get out of the madness) smoothed down her perfectly coiffed hair, and then turned to me. After a quick, three…two…one…the mic was in my face and… “Hi! We’re here in downtown Toronto on this very special day. It’s Mother’s Day! Miss, I mean, ma’am, tell me, how special is this day for you?” I stood there totally frozen. Why was this woman waiting for MY answer? I shrugged and said, “Well, it’s kind of not a day for me, is it? I mean, I’m just pregnant – I don’t have any kids yet, so I don’t really think of this day as anything especially meaningful.” At this point she looked at me like I was from outer space…and like she was about ready to tear my head off…so I added, “Umm…I mean, until I have this baby, I think this is still a day for my mom, not me. But I’m excited???” Cameraman and reporter both looked at me, mouths agape, shocked…incidentally, I didn’t make it on the 6 o’clock news…

Was she waiting for me to gush: “Awww…this is the best day. So amazing! I can’t wait to be a mother! I can’t wait to meet this little baby! I’m experiencing the miracle of life and it’s going to be the best thing EVER!” Well, that’s just not me…I never heard the birds chirping or saw the clouds part – I had no idea of what I was getting into…and how much I would change as a result…

Seven years later…it’s 11:15 pm. I just got home from work. I’ve had one of those days…in fact, more like one of those weeks! Up at the crack of dawn, drop one kid off at school, while my husband stayed at home and took care of the other (a big ball of ooze thanks to spring allergies and a cold), followed by a 15.5 hour stretch at work.

And the first thing I thought of when I came home? “Where’s my dinner?”

For anyone that’s seen the movie Pleasantville, there’s a scene in it where the father, a stereotypical 1950’s man that goes to work, while his “little woman” takes care of the house, makes marshmallow salads, and cares for the children, comes home and gets all snappy because things have been turned upside down, his wife has “seen the light” and hadn’t prepared dinner. I felt very much like this man – like everything I knew had been turned upside down.

Here I was clinging onto the middle rungs of the corporate ladder and during this latest stretch of work insanity, my husband’s the one making lunches, wiping noses, overseeing homework and having chats with the other moms in the parking lot! He’s the one who has become the centre of our home. He’s the one who knows where things are and what’s happened on Lego Ninjago. He’s the one they look for…

Don’t I want to be the one to take my kids to school, chat with the other moms in the parking lot and still have time to watch Bold and the Beautiful and do homework? But also, don’t I want to achieve something that’s just mine…leave my own mark?

Like the pendulum of the clock, I keep swinging back and forth and at close to 1:30 am in the early morning, I decide I’m done.

And I’m strangely satisfied. I remember that as a mom, I have the gift of continuously witnessing breaks in the time-space continuum – something I never saw before; moments, where I see myself in my kids’ laughter, tantrums, and surprise. I can almost feel them experiencing life as my heart quickens when I see their absolute joy or total devastation and I’m forever perplexed and amazed at how quickly the world becomes a better place after a simple hug, a high-five and a smile.

I wish I could go back and answer the question I was asked seven years ago, all over again. I would say to that reporter, here’s what Mother’s Day means to me: That although I still think this is still more of a day for my mom… that it would apply to me soon. That although I have no idea what I am getting into, I hope to do a good job and make sure that my kids will laugh loud, genuine laughs every day. But being a mom would not define me completely and I hope that my kids would also get to know me. After having said all of that, we’re just going to take things as they come, and figure things out as we go.