Al

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I am sorry for your suffering. Please find peace in knowing that you are not alone. Your predicament is one that is shared by many. Hence, in this sense, you could say we’re all in this together.

A lack of direction is absolutely normal. As you well know, we are not born knowing exactly what we are supposed to do and where we should be going. This could be due to the many societies instilling our minds with the notion that we should have a path selected once we reach a certain age. Please remove this chaotic perception from your mind. This unnecessary burden and incorrect view will only continue to nurture needless stress. Instead, adopt the view that our paths are revealed to us exactly when they are supposed to. This, however, does not mean that we should simply sit idly by awaiting its arrival. Although its discovery can be stumbled upon by just waiting, know that the process can also be precipitated by our own actions. Think of yourself as an artist that has yet to discover all of the available palettes this world has to offer. Viewed in this manner, you can now see that you’ve experienced very little. If/When such is the case, what is to be done in order to expose ourselves?

My friend, as I’ve often shared with members of this forum, we must experiment, experience, explore and discover in order to learn, grow and find our paths. If we remain stagnant, how will we know if we will like mustard greens unless we try them? How will we know if we want to pursue a career involving helping people unless we are exposed to a related activity? How will we know if a sweater will seem fitting unless we try it? How will we know if someone fits our profile unless we date them? How will we know if we’ll fall in love with a hobby unless we attempt it? I’m sure you understand where I’m going with this. Applying this philosophy to our search for happiness and harmony, life and career, is sure to increase our chances of finding something fulfilling. And please, do take care in not obtaining the belief that all this experimenting is a waste of time and effort. All events have (a) lesson(s) to teach. We never come away empty. While true that some find their paths at an early age there also exists those that do not find theirs until later/much later. But please do not despair at this. One can still live a life of fulfillment through other means. A career does not have to dictate our happiness. In this world, sometimes our skill sets may be lacking and the only employment we’r able to find may not be one to our preference. This should not hinder us from seeking alternative means of fulfillment; outside of work, if need be. Balance is vital for our being. However, balance is something only you will be able to make the determinations for in its achievement.

Continue your search and remember to be gentle with yourself. You are not meant to know everything and you never will; just like the rest of us. And just as it should be. The world may not always be kind to you so why add to it? When things look negative, remember to also view the positives. While you may currently be unsure of your choice of career, acknowledge that there exists still numerous options. Viewed this way, you are not bound by choice limitations. Instead, you have a universe of selection. And lastly, all passions require great effort. Renowned chefs, artist, musicians and athletes did not get to where they are today by applying minimum effort. Even Buddhists must practice and meditate vigorously in order to reach certain understandings. We must all do the same if we wish to obtain our own versions of nirvana. If you recall to enjoy the process, the journey, then even the act of exerting effort can be seemed a pleasure.

Despite the unfortunate negativity your colleague shared with you I am glad you did not simply post with words and emotions in reciprocation of her behavior. For this, you are indeed a truly beautiful being. And, this is where you must trust in the beliefs that govern your good-hearted nature. Do not fall into sadness, confusion nor distress. Instead, use your heart to look passed your colleague’s own suffering. When you do, you’ll see that there are things hidden that could explain her general, or current/temporary, attitude and behavior. A traumatic past could be the cause, or a betrayal by someone she loved, a series of hardships may have plagued her as of late or perhaps it could be due to a toxic upbringing. The scenarios are endless. My point is, we all journey this life encountering unique experiences that shape our being. And, as is normal and intended, not all of these experiences can be good ones. We must encounter the difficult ones to help us learn and grow. Sadly, some of us experience these type more than their counterpart. In addition, some of us may never have been taught or have the capacity to learn how to manage the difficult ones. This can result in a lifetime of suffering and/or negativity. It’s fair to state this could be the case for many of us, including your co-worker.

With this knowledge, it becomes apparent that we should embody a compassionate nature. In this existence, we will all experience the same things; like love, hurt, joy and sadness, awe, anger, beauty, exhilaration and all of the others we’re able to feel and express. We are all beautiful beings, beautiful humans that sometimes are not immediately able to foster a positive mindset. For her, wish only for the day she obtains her nirvana. Do not look at her with hurt, anger (if you exhibit any), or any other chaotic elements. They will not benefit you. Look, speak, think, interact with her only with love. It may be quite a task, yes, however, looking at it in terms of ‘this-occurred-so-I-may-practice-compassion’ may help. In fact, this may the reason why this predicament happened. But, don’t you agree that overcoming this hurdle will benefit your being?

My friend, don’t allow one bad experience ruin all that you’ve achieved and become. Else, what is the point of it all? When you cook and use a little too much of one ingredient, you do not throw the entire thing away. You find ways to mend it, right? It’s the same concept here. Mend your situation, and all situations in fact, with all the love that exists within your being and you will always exhibit constant joy and peace.

Sometimes, the flow of ‘society’ moves so rapidly and intensely that it causes/forces us to rush to keep up with its pace. It makes us believe that to get to our dedestination we must do as it dictates. Sadly, some of us never reach the destination it sets for us, some of us reach ‘the end’ only to find it lacking while some of us follow along with no idea how to (properly) navigate. Is it possible that these things apply to your situation?

My dear, a flow does indeed exist. However, it is not ‘society’s’ flow but ‘your’ flow that you need to follow. And, because it is your flow you have full ability of choosing its speed. Please always remember this. Also, it’s quite understanding that helming your own ship can seem frightening but what is a journey without some unknowns? Without some fear? Without lack of knowledge and uncertainties? With so many elements foreign to us it then becomes paramount that we set a balanced pace. Taking care in understanding all the events that enter our lives helps bolster a collected mind. In addition, while true that there will exist some individuals who seem to navigate more skillfully in comparison to ourselves we must recall that we are all shaped differently (in mind and body). The factors which conditions us are too many and ultimately out of our control. However, does this mean we should wallow in self pity? Does this mean we do not have the ability to apply ourselves to do as them? Does this mean the end?

Good friend, fate or no fate, God or no God, we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. However, with the freewill He’s bestowed upon us, I would think we are allowed to choose our destiny, don’t you think? Also, instead of thinking of the uncertainty that maybe God doesn’t want us to be happy, how about thinking of the absolute certainty that God gave us an existence with limitless possibilities? Doesn’t this ring more true?

Your destination will never be truly clear. And it’s perfectly fine. Your journey is sure to totter, just like everyone else’s. This doesn’t mean your life can’t be enjoyable. You don’t have all the answers and never will. However, isnt the prospect of discovery more appealing? An existence where I obtained all the knowledge would leave no room for surprises; for delight. It would be unstimulating. Hence, unleash the beautiful being you’ve imprisoned too long within, conquer all fears by tapping into your dreams, welcome the difficulties with their invaluable knowledge to be gained and recall that this is not a race. Life should be pleasured in, not suffered. It is only worth it if we relish in it.

It is indeed sorrowful to experience events which fracture our trust and faith in one another; in humanity. These gestures are certainly hard to absorb. However, find solace and satisfaction in knowing that you did not take part in reciprocating these chaotic acts. This conveys that you have a good heart and innately wish for the happiness and well being of everyone, and even to those whom cause you harm. Please recognize this beautiful trait within yourself.

My friend, self-peace and happiness are things that must constantly be worked on. However, they become easier to instinctively and earnestly exhibit by understanding certain truths. Recognizing that we all suffer similarly helps bring about a sense of ‘togetherness’. Also, perceiving that we are all uniquely mentally conditioned from birth helps us accept eachothers’ faults in a non-personal way. In your case, many coworkers have used and stepped over you, however, by recalling that these individuals are only doing what society (and/or other factors) have conditioned them to do will assist in maintaining your peace of mind. Sometimes, the vigorous pace of society can make us forget the meaningful and make us abandon our humanity. During such times, tap into your (once more) innately well-wishing heart and reground yourself. Continuously reinforce your life-affirming beliefs that this existence is worth living so that all difficult events can be dealt with more efficiently. This should also assist in reclaiming your happiness. Now knowing that we all suffer, obtain the yearning to want all beings to be free of it so we may all share a blissful existence. Maintaining a sincere desire to want good for all will produce all the necessary positive mental and physical actions to circumstantiate your happiness.

Sometimes, we suffer so greatly that our mind, body and spirit aggressively demand that we seek out answers as to regain some balance within. A lack of results over a prolonged period can definitely further add to our desperation and may also add parallel chaotic symptoms constricting us further. In such a muddled state, its understanding for our entire being to only spew ‘now now now’ when mending. The damage insists that ALL within us be immediately repaired instead of bits and pieces at a time. However, similar to a major auto wreck, we must be realistic, understanding and patient in repairing the damages and not commit to the false belief of instant restoration.

My friend, 17 is too young and beautiful to have already given up. Our situations (and lives) are dynamic; constantly changing. The tadpole may think it will live its entirety in the pond until it grows limbs and in size only to discover it now possesses the ability to travel to new waters. Do you believe you are not currently in the tadpole’s situation? However, despite now having limbs, do you believe your troubles to suddenly and entirely be forever over? That you’ve achieved a ‘happily-ever-after’? You dont think traveling to new waters will yield in new and unknown situations physically, mentally and spiritually? These questions translate that to live means to constantly learn; to eternally remain a child of life. However, the absolute truth that we will never have all the answers does not mean our journeys cannot be unenjoyable. In fact, to not be ‘all-knowing’ is a most elating thing. That I am gifted with the benefit of discovery thrills me, that I possess the capacity to manipulate events to fulfill my desires (such as traveling overseas or attempting a new recipe) exhilarates me, that I possess the sense of hearing to take pleasures in music and sounds heartens me, etc….Do you believe you could establish true appreciation without some adversities? Do you believe your current difficulties are not teaching you anything? Do you believe you currently know less that three years ago? Would not knowing everything bore you?

Name, a monk will obtain more insight from being exposed to various environment than from spending his entire life in monastery. Your answers are not yet revealed for various reasons but living in a loop is sure to minimize your chances in stimulating them. While true that you are still young and therefore limited in your journeying, remember that we are children but for only a small portion of our lives and are adults for the majority. Your time to freely experience, experiment, explore and discover will come soon enough. However, considering all phenomenons, or events, constantly entering our lives should also be at the top of our priority list. What is the point of having all of these experiences if we do not take care in understanding them?

As I do not want to burden you any more reading I will leave it at this. Your journey still possesses the capacity for beautiful events. Don’t give up yet.

It is a delight that you wish happiness upon your being so that your family may also encompass it. To perceive that our suffering affects others is a grand recognition. To want to take action for not only the well being of others but also ourselves is also correct. How are we to help eachother if our own beings are troubled? This, along with the recognition and admittance of the other characteristics you listed, are already substantial steps in assisting you on your journey to acquire happiness; or self-love. To apprehend that which obstructs us is something many fail to grasp, resulting in prolonged chaotic existence. Hence, please try to find some relief in this.

My friend, indeed traits that have been bored and ingrained in us overtime are understandably difficult to harmonize. However, instead of displaying frustration at this, we should be more sympathetic and gentle towards ourselves. We are not supposed to deftly handle all that enters our lives. A chain smoker should not be expected to just simply quit (for the most part). He must take baby steps. Don’t you believe this also applies to you? In this endeavor, and other difficult ones, we must only think progress; never speed. I hope you will use this to help calm the perfectionist attribute rooted in you. Also, reiterating our life-affirming beliefs can also help. Recalling why our existence, this existence, is worth living and experiencing can inspire action and/or change. If none have been made or are to be found, then another journey is simply in order. However, this should not be taken as somber news. With the correct mindset, we can make this endeavor fun; similar to a child in a candy store. Sure, we are guaranteed to experience bad flavors, but, we are also guaranteed to have delicious ones. Is it possible we may find a flavor so gratifying, so worth our exhausting search, that it makes us not want to give up on candy? In this vast and expansive world that we live in, do you believe you will never find the ‘candy’ that will bring you your true joy?

As for your depression, ultimately we must journey on our own to seek answers. We each lead unique lives therefore no universal answer exists; only individualized answers. And, while cocooning ourselves to seek answers within may yield in results, please keep in mind that this world deals in the physical equally as it does in the spiritual therefore we fare a higher chance at obtaining answers by exposing ourselves to both domains instead of just one. New encounters always stimulate new thoughts. How is one to learn/grow when stuck in the same place?

Also, please do your best to remain patient. Important things (such as our lives) are meant to be carefully nurtured and therefore naturally take time. In addition, if it applies to you, please release any notion of others’ expectations. In our one existence, there is no greater waste than to live our lives in a matter which does not fulfill our beings. Don’t you agree?

Our journeys will continue to present obstacles; as is normal. Their appearance exist to teach us the lessons necessary to help us navigate more smoothly and enjoyably. Do your best to see these without bias. Take things one step at a time and with care. Speed is of no importance, only progress is. If next week gets your further than last week, you are ahead. However, this remains true only if action is taken. I hope this helps.

Al

Ps: I, too, suffer from disabilities. This just means more incentive to go out and accomplish more.

Consider that all human beings begin life as amateur chefs. Hence, naturally, until we become well-seasoned, until we’ve tasted an adequate amount of flavors to distinguish those ingredients necessary to make our lives tasteful, we are certainly and undoubtedly going to initially struggle.

Indeed the experience you had was an unfortunate and somber one. However, you now know that this is one flavor that will not make it to your full course. On our journeys, we are all going to encounter our shares of distasteful things but we must recognize and wholly understand that it is these exact events which aid us in distinguishing the good flavors from the bad. Dwelling on the past is not incorrect, however, only if done so proactively to the benefit of our futures. No master (at their craft) dwell on past unfortunate events to hinder their advancement. Your life is too important to do such. In this one existence, don’t you believe you possess the right(s) to fully pursue your own definition of beautiful despite the adversities? As for your ex, please do your best to keep a compassionate heart and forgive him. He, too, is working on his own full course and making the necessary mistakes required to create his own masterpiece. It is indeed sad that other beings must be hurt for him to reach his goals however please recall that we are all raised in our own unique environments which may not always obtain all of the necessary elements to conceive compassionate and considerate human beings. The fault, therefore, cannot be fully blamed on him. Find closure in thanking him for the necessary lessons you’ve learned and wish for his well being for not just his but also your sake. Condoning him for his actions will only yield in added chaos to your already troubled soul. Instead, exercise the beautiful being you are and that your parents helped culture and pray for his well being.

My friend, there are many flavors and flavor combinations you’ve yet to taste. Find and release your desire to taste them all to burst so at the end you may be at peace and satisfied with the full course you’ve created.

I wish you the best on your journey. Perhaps one day we may actually truly meet. Travelling is one of my passions and Greece is on my list to visit. We can have our conversation then and you could teach me some of your lessons.

How have you been? Thank you very much for having been patient with me. And please do not worry, I do not feel in any way forced to have to answer you or any other. Assisting other fellow human beings is one of my purposes. It is a privilege.

George, essentially we all suffer in one form or another and in different extremities. This is a truth. ‘Existence’ requires opposites for all things, physical and non-physical, in order to be. Therefore, to experience life one must understand that they cannot simply hope to encounter only the good but also the bad. Perhaps the best way to describe this is by explaining the concept of yin and yang from Taoism. Simply put, opposite forces exist to oppose and thereby balance one another to complete wholeness and equilibrium. Man cannot exist without woman, there cannot be shadows without light, up cannot exist withoug down, there cannot be good without evil, etc… No one and nothing is exempt from this law. This includes humanity. Chaos is meant to exist as it has purpose and will continue to exist so we may recognize when something is positive and the positive will continue to exist so we may distinguish it from chaos. Could you determine if something was good if we did not recognize evil? Could you even determine what evil is if good did not exist?

My friend, if negativity is established as an existential constant, do you believe taking your life would remove it? For, even the Dalai Lama has acknowledged that a peaceful world does not mean that evil no longer resides but that world peace is considered a success if the majority of the world displays it. How much injustice would there have to be removed in order for you to be satisfied? In order for you to not consider taking your life? If, however, this still does nothing to quell your heart, please dwell on this: during a conversation between the Dalai Lama and Queen Elizabeth of England, His Holiness asked the Queen if she could believed the state of this world had become better. She answered ‘yes’ without hesitation. In their 80+ years on this earth, they have witness numerous countries putting in more effort in working together politically and economically, sending each other relief during natural disasters, creating peace treaties and alliances, countries providing and establishing equality to all peoples of this world, witnessing wider acceptance of intercultural relationships and the development of inter religious churches, among others. Dear George, if you open your eyes and heart further you will come to see that the majority of this world is not engulfed in chaos but brimming with people preaching compassion and coexistence. You merely only see and hear the negatives because unfortunately mainstream media does a great job in exploiting these sort of news for their financial gains (for the most part). However, if you were to seek independent news outlets, you will hear, see and read the stories that are barely exposed like the non profit organization in India that rescues injured animals and find families to adopt them or the international group that fights to eliminate the practices of performing animals like bears, horses, monkeys and elephants in third world countries or the Hollywood CEO who gave up his position and fortune to build schools and orphanages in Cambodia or the Chinese citizens fighting to establish dialogue with their own government to give Tibetans back their country or the African teenager whose village was so desolate he taught himself to build a windmill to create electricity for his village to use. These positive stories, like their negative counterparts, are also everywhere. Just more difficult to find.

George, taking your life as an act of revenge to all the injustices of this world will not yield in your desired results. Already there have been many such as yourself in various countries sacrificing themselves, leaving notes and videos explaining their reasons, and yet, what has transpired from it? Instead, if you continue to live and share your beautiful and passionate heart with others, especially to the next generations, don’t you believe you would create a much more positive long-term impact then? If all the good hearted people like yourself took their lives after witnessing the handful of chaotic elements in this world, who would be left to teach all that is good and beautiful?

Dear friend, I hope this answers many of your questions. I will not disagree that for some life can be an ugly and cruel experience, however, my own experiences compel me to aid/show these uncertain individuals that this existence can and does contain redeeming qualities. It is, as it has always been, in the end, our choice.

As usual, I apologize for any grammatical mistakes. Because of my wrist injury, I am using voice commands to write this. If something should not make sense please do not hesitate to mention it so I may clarify the matter.

It seems old age is affecting me for I have received another injury. I would like to ask that you please remain patient while I do my best to recover. I will definitely answer you. Please try to keep your spirits up in the meantime. Thank you.

Life, the universe, our existence, is dynamic. Nothing ever stays the same. Change is a constant. This applies to our identities and personalities. A person may be sure and believe themselves to be confident and positive in their moral beliefs, however, an event may occur and abruptly alter their creeds. This is true at all levels of our lives. Today we may hate broccoli but 10 years from now that may change, today we may be gentle in speech and manner but 30 years may change that, today I may hate my religion but next month my mind may have been opened to embrace it, etc…Our beings are constantly being tweaked accordingly as personal growth is a never-ending endeavor. By understanding and accepting this, we do ourselves a great favor as change can now be embraced and difficult predicaments can now be better managed.

When a new and uncomfortable event occurs in our lives, one can definitely curse and yell and stress at this unfamiliar experience or one can try to keep calm and dwell on how this event occurred as to prevent it in the future (or lessen its impact as adversity is also a constant) and learn its lesson(s) to benefit our inner development. While true that the scale of the event influences our disposition, don’t you believe that understanding and making sense of the situation more valuable than disapproving it for our mental and spiritual beings? In fact, implementing this reflective method, also known as Right View/Understanding from the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism, helps assert peace in our mind as we come to understand the phenomena/events constantly occurring around us. You believe your identity to have been shattered, however, it’s highly possible it simply needs readjusting. If so, then simply go forth once again and reestablish your new likes and dislikes, your ‘funs’ and ‘boredoms’, your delights and discontents. Elate all beautiful events and experiences with the spirit of an infant and immerse yourself in their wonderment. For, do you sincerely believe you no longer have these rights? To feel bliss and thrill, among others? When I began in these forums I used to tell members whom shared similar hardship to yours that moving forward did not mean to stay in a stagnant, comfortable state awaiting answers but to continue exploring, experimenting, experiencing and discovering to increase the chances of a possible stimulating development to occur and render imperative metamorphosis. In fact, do try to view yourself as such: a butterfly constantly metamorphosing from one beautiful design to another. You’ve currently simply obtained a flat tire. But your engine isn’t dead. It still breathes, in fact, and presently running on a spare, awaiting to be refitted with a new one.

As for coming to terms with your past and having mixed feelings about your parents, it is simply a matter of deep understanding. We were all young once, inexperienced, possibly brash and/or foolish, etc….including our parents. Some of us may never have had the proper guidance and influences to render us into ‘wholesome’ beings. Can a person be blamed for sexually abusing their offspring when they themselves have been subject to it? Can a gangster be blamed for killing another gangster when all he/she has known is this hostile environment? Can a North Korean citizen be blamed for hating America when they’ve been exposed to anti-American propaganda all their lives? It is the same with your parents, especially your father. Perhaps he did have a father who tried to teach him right, perhaps his father did not do enough, perhaps his father was an alcoholic, perhaps his father wasn’t around enough, etc..the scenarios are limitless. The point is, we must try to remain understanding to his situation. As you well know, the world, global society, does not do the greatest of jobs in cultivating spiritual and mental development in our most critical and receptive years. Hence, he cannot be blamed. In fact, no one can be blamed. We are all on this earth living our existence in accordance to our many influences. In this truth we therefore all remain entirely innocent. On this earth there exists no being who knows it all and is thus allowed to pass truly accurate judgment. Your parents, yourself and I along with the rest of the TB members will forever remain children of life; constantly learning and (hopefully) changing into better beings.

There is definitely more I would like to add, however, my injury is beginning to aggravate me and I do not want to be distracted when helping a fellow human being. Perhaps I will touch more once you reply. And, per usual, I apologize in advance if I’ve made any grammatical mistakes. If something seems confusing, please be sure to let me know so I may clarify/correct myself. I hope this helps.

How have you been feeling as of late? I am sorry for not getting back to you at an earlier time. In addition to an injury that kept be bedridden for 3 weeks I have been keeping quite busy with other things.

I do have one more question if you don’t mind. What has caused you to obtain a misanthropic point of view? This would also greatly help. Thank you.

I can remember replying to one of your posts once. If you don’t mind could you once more share and emphasize the main source of your suffering? It would help me to attempt a more specific answer. Thank you.

It is almost a global societical belief and perhaps even inherent in nature that we must compare ourselves to others in order to measure our own worth. And, sadly, without proper guidance and influence to teach us otherwise, we come to wholly embrace and adopt this unwholesome view. And sometimes, there are those of us who never grasp this concept and eternally suffer.

My dear, do not languish and believe you are worth nothing. If you allow yourself to open your eyes and heart (and perhaps even inner-universe) you will come to see that you are a painting yet to be completed. The canvas you are painting on has only begun to be brushed upon. The strokes you’ve made are still too few and lacking in colors and shapes you’ve yet to unveil and use. Do you truly want to already give up on your own incomplete masterpiece? Nineteen years is still very young. And beautiful. There are still a great many palettes for you to discover. Don’t you wish to further adventure and unearth them?

As for comparing your canvas to others, do you truly wish for your painting to be the same exact as theirs? Or would you rather your own? It is true that some of the strokes on someone else’s painting will look better than some of yours. And rightly so! It just means they’ve had a beautiful encounter/experience which left a shapely magnificent mark. We should be joyous for them for the occasion(s) they encountered. And, likewise, there are sure to be great strokes on your own painting as well for the same exact reasons. Our lives lead us on different paths, as it should, and we should learn to be happy for one another when we are blessed with such events. However, do not expect grand encounters to simply fall in your lap. While it’s possible for them to we must remember that we retain the ability to choose our own paths, our own lives, as to shape them into what we desire them to be. Simply sitting and wishing for favor to turn our way is sure to hinder and possibly halt our inner advancement and motivation.

So please, continue forth. Continue to experience it all. Even the negative. It’s what will allow you to make the distinction between what’s pretty and what’s ugly so as to help you on choosing the right flavors for your painting. And, please also recall that we are all busy painting our own masterpiece and so it may not always be possible to ask/receive help. In these circumstances, do your best to remain understanding. Our canvas is ultimately a trial and error endeavor which requires constant patching hence adding to our already difficult task and furthering our inability to assist/support one another. This is not to say we are heartless but simply that we must do our best to remain kind and loving to eachother. In this way, we will be assisting in fulfilling eachother’s masterpieces.

I hope this helps and apologize for any grammatical mistakes I tend to make.

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