Walking down the street yesterday, I was thinking about how hard it is to simply do what we want or think to be right without having any expectations. The reason being is we are always concerned about how others will see us and/or we are living by societal “shoulds” we have adopted as our personal mantras along our life paths.

But, to find and act according to our own truths, means to have complete freedom and a much better chance for contentment.

This concept of personal freedom translates into our lives as: I’m going to live this moment to its fullest because I’m happy now. What will take place tomorrow is not as important. What other people are thinking or experiencing is also not as important.

This is not about acting out. It is not about being selfish or hurting others – those would actually be results of a lack of a true relationship with the self.

Living truthfully and in the moment means to have an intimate relationship with the self where our feelings are not dependent on others to have the right to exist. This state of being occurs when our egos are no longer so frail that we feel threatened or hurt by responses and reactions different from our own.

When we are constantly waiting to see how others feel or where the future will lead, we are never in our own present or in our own truths. How we feel about something or someone is independent of how they feel about us or how things will turn out.

Having the courage to be means we have finally switched from living a life of reaction to living a life of action. We act based on how we feel not on how others feel.

Imagine for a moment having the ability to honestly express yourself without expecting any specific response. Wouldn’t that feel light? Wouldn’t that feel like opening many doors?

I believe, living our truths, allows us to stop wasting time and energy on things we have no control over such as other people’s thoughts and feelings.

Start your journey by spending time with yourself. Create a trusting relationship then ask yourself how you really feel and act accordingly.

I am thinking about how much stress and turmoil is actually self-created. I’m specifically thinking about the terrain between that which we want and that which we think we SHOULD have.

As we go through life we start to adopt/take on a list of things that society has created as the bible to live by. But, are these rules/concepts agreeable to all of us all the time? No. And so conflicts are born between what we do and what we think we should do.

I have found the first line of defense in these situations is to ask ourselves what we really want out of an experience. I ask myself again and again until I can give an honest response. Once I know what I really want then I concentrate on that and try not to worry about the “should” yelling in my head.

I’m not saying it is easy to rise above the intense psychological conflict that ensues, but not taking it on means missing out on many opportunities that could provide us with experience and contentment.

Let me give you an example: Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t necessarily fall within the long lasting, 100% fulfilling – or close to – realm but fall within “what we need for right now”. So, the relationship is satisfying now. But, if we hang on to thoughts of “I shouldn’t be enjoying this because I need to be in the “right” relationship, we will miss out on satisfying needs of now.

We never know what doors we open every time we go through an experience. Not, living them because they are not perfectly right in our own minds, keep us away from opportunities and wisdom. And lastly, who knows what the future may or may not bring.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do – Mark Twain.

Here’s my confession: “I have a terrible case of SHOULD syndrome”. In my mind I should be kinder, wiser, fitter, successful, happier etc. The truth is all these “shoulds” keep me from appreciating who I am and what I have accomplished in my life. It also keeps me from opening my life up to possibilities that don’t fit my particular “shoulds”.

Now, I’ve known about my self-imposed noose for a long time and have been making strides to loosen its grip.

It all started when I realized the harshest and most demanding critic I had was my own self. While others were ready to pay compliments for the person that I am, I was not. So, I started by reminding myself I should extend the forgiveness and acceptance I had for others to my own self. I followed that by realizing I always did the best I could and that is all that can be expected from any of us.

Once, I could accept the notion that I couldn’t and shouldn’t be perfect – after all none of us are – I started to relax on the shoulds.

Today, I have a better time accepting that I am as kind as I can be at this moment. That I’m as fit as I can be with the time and energy I have. That I behave in the best way I can when something comes up. If later that proves not to be the case then I simply tell myself that my behavior was the choice I could make based on how I felt and what I knew at the time that it happened.

I still have a long way to go in freeing myself from the scrutiny I put my own self under, but I’m making strides and so can you if you too are a “should” sufferer.

Below is an interesting post by Christy Matta, M.A further discussing the should issue.

Please read on.

10 Beliefs That May Be Keeping You From the Life You Want

By Christy Matta, M.A.

We’re often kept from getting what we want in life by the demands we place on ourselves more so than by the demands of others. Pressure, hassles and tension often come when what we want to do conflicts with what we tell ourselves is “right.” We see a messy house and believe we “should” clean it, or we long to pursue a career we’re passionate about but tell ourselves “I can’t do that.” Continued…