The biggest mistake you're making on a first date that's costing you a second date

Keep it light on a first date. Shutterstck

The INSIDER Summary:

Experts told INSIDER that the biggest mistake people make when going on a first date is being too negative.

Complaining about your own personal problems and past relationships or telling rude jokes may just be too much for a first date.

Don't be afraid to be yourself, but keep it light.

First dates are stressful. Whether you met your date online, they're a friend of a friend, or it's just a random person you met while out in the world, it can be tough to know what to say, where to go, and what to wear.

Even more stressful is when you feel like you put on your best face, were presentable for two hours, and then you hear nothing from that person ever again.

There are a million reasons why someone may not be so keen on going on a second date that have nothing to do with you. They may still be getting over an ex and putting themselves out there made them realize they just weren't ready. They may be getting really slammed with work or planning a backpacking trip or have a sick relative. The point is, while it's a natural response to blame yourself, you're not always the cause.

But if you're stuck in a repeating pattern of endless first dates that never seem to turn into second ones — despite how much you'd like them to pursue that person — it may be worth examining your own behavior on these dates.

I'm going to assume you're a person who is smart enough to show up to a date looking your best, smelling your best, and keeping the conversation free of racial slurs. I'm also going to assume that you don't pour soup on waiters when your food isn't to your liking and that you don't try and convert your dates into joining a cult.

If any of my assumptions are wrong, however, we can stop right there and you can try fixing those behaviors first.

But assuming you're a normal, well-adjusted person, your dating trouble may just be coming down to a common behavior on dates: being negative.

An off-color joke or self-deprecating story may put them off.

We're all guilty of it: we share a crummy office story to get a laugh, complain about the state of our commute, or slip in a horror story from another first date to show that we're having a great time by comparison. But you don't really know this person, you don't know what they will find funny or what will put them off.

"Swearing and off-color remarks are okay, to a point," dating coach Amie Leadingham told INSIDER. "Polls have shown that people who swear a lot turn people off."

If telling these types of stories and jokes is part of your personality, don't hide it too much, Leadingham said. They can be funny and show who you are. But when on a first date, keep it a little mild to test the waters.

Revealing your red-flags too early may send them running for the hills.

We all have bad traits that we're aware of and it's important to note them. But putting them on display or remarking upon them on a first date is a little too much for most people to take.

"Being too candid on a first date can be a real turn-off," author and dating coach Rosalind Sedacca told INSIDER. "It's intimidating for some, off-putting for others, and a sure way to sabotage a possible romance right from the start.

If you know you're messy or you just can't seem to get along with peoples' parents, don't bring that up on a first date, no matter how honest you want to be. Your partner will gauge what these faults might be in time and it will be easier to swallow a bit later into the relationship.

Don't use your date as a therapist.

If you're having some tough times at home or at work, dating can be a minefield. It's OK to admit to your date that you had a rough day at work, but you're happy to be out with them now. What you don't want to do is dwell on your day, discuss office politics with them, reveal your past heartbreaks, and discuss your failing finances.

"You might desire to be an open book and have your date know 'the real you,' but revealing too much, too soon can be overwhelming for the other person," Rhonda Milrad, founder of the online relationship community, Relationup, told INSIDER. "Instead of appearing that you have your act together, your date will you leave with the impression that you have too much baggage for them to deal with."

If you end up dating this person, it will become vital that you share your personal issues and be able to talk to them in an open manner. But the first date is not the correct time or venue, and it's not fair to dump all of that on someone you barely know.

Keeping a date light is paramount to its success. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to go on a 30-minute-long diatribe about why you actually hate pizza if you start dating this person.