You boys and girls ask me nice & sweet or sick & demented questions and I'll give you an honest to goodness answer.

Either that, or be a sport and give me blog ideas.

I get tired of bitching all the damn time.

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Agenda - Part 2

Shamless and sad self promotion because my ego is small and I have to feel like people around me love me.

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So, I pillaged through Not A Grannypost the other day and decided to jack a few questions to play with from her memememe. Cuz I'm a pirate & that's the way I roll.

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? Uhhhh. Sorry Doc, I know I'm old and fat, but shit happens. Start sending Pampers STAT!Ehhh, sappy.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes. Things happen and that reason is to make me completely insane and have total dependance on hot toddies and lollipops.

Can you make a dollar in change right now? I could make change for a $5. My purse is so heavy with change I could knock somebody out with it if they were tryin to mug me.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Why no. Being in love is better than chocolate. Oh wait... that's sex. Sex is better than chocolate. Or is it chocolate is better than sex??? Great, now I'm confused.

When was the last time you flew in a plane?Home from Frankfurt Germany in October 07. Remind me how much I hate American Airlines next time, will ya??Delta, come to find out, gives sleepy eye masks, wine & Ben & Jerry's to EVERYBODY nowdays!! Fuck American Airlines and their cramped seats.

What did the last text message you sent say? and I meant it.

What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex? The fat wallet that buys me flowers, candy, cold beer when we go out and the occassional unexpected bling which is obviously well deserved.

Fill in the blank. I love ________. Big T and his penis.

Would you make a good parent? I'm a kick ass mom. I'm the neighborhood mom. I'm the mom who's always making cookies and crap just so they will all come hang out at our pad. I'm not too strict, but they don't get away with anything either.

Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? The fact that I am doing this and watching the clock at the same time is driving me whacko like jacko.I am the greatest time waster you will ever in your life come across. That's a promise. It's Friday, why isn't it 5:00 yet. I got liquor filled chocolates on my desk and I'd like to bust into 'em.

If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? I would change the fact that I have been a bottle blonde, red, brown, black (for a minute) since I was 16. I would remember at 37 what color God actually gave me.

Best place to eat? Anyplace that serves chicken tacos, cheese enchiladas and fishbowl margaritas is alright with me. Mom & Pop type mexican places are the best. Hottest salsa.

Been to Mexico? Si, senor. I have been to Mexico... Tijuana, Rosarita, Cabo.BTW. There's place in Rosarita you can get cheap ass yet mighty tasty Margaritas and $10 lobster tail.... es magnifico.

Did you get in a fight with someone today? No, but it's only 10:19am EST, there is plenty of time to get my brawl on before midnight. Especially with the attitude the boy has had lately, I workin on it.

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm sure it will involve karaoke and drinkin beer.

If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY, what would you say?"We're already married, you dork."

2.06.2008

I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the horrible storms that ripped through the south yesterday afternoon through late last night.

Tornados and high winds didn't damage unknown to many small communities scattered throughout western/middle tennessee.

It wasn't until morning, upon the rising of the sun, that the damage to a small community called Green Grove in Macon County, Tennessee.

My son-in-law's grandparents and uncles live in this small town, along with several of his mom's high school friends.

The grandparents are doing ok for now, but it appears it will be 3 - 5 days before they get electricity back. This creates issues because she's on oxygen.

The tornado swept less than 50 yards from their house, taking their tabacco barn.

The house survived vitrually unscathed.

The uncle didn't fair as well. He lost everything to the ferocious storm.

His house. His barn. His tractor.

He is one of the stubborn ass people who never leave when a siren or alarm goes off.

He is the one that, come hell or high water, will stay put.

It nearly cost him his life.

His house collapsed around him.

He spent all night, in the dark still aftermath, trapped.

They found him shortly after day-break with few minor injuries.

The friends weren't as lucky.

They didn't hear the alarms or alerts on TV.

They didn't have time to run or hide or find shelter.

She was found in her home. He was found approximately 200 yards away from the house.

Please take a minute to consider a few things:

1. Do you know what to do if a disaster strikes your area?? Where to go?2. Do you have emergency supplies stocked up somewhere safe??3. Do you have bottled water, batteries & a flashlight??4. Do you have a certain spot where you & your family will meet up should you get separated?

I'm sitting here thinking about my daughter's inlaws and it's times like thesewhen disaster really hits close to home.

I wonder if technology will ever be able to pinpoint trouble coming early enough to warn people. Warn them early enough to find safe shelter.

2.05.2008

Big T and I started talking about creating a clone shortly after we married (4 months ago).

This is great news and I couldn't be any more tickled for real.

Growing a mini-T in the oven. It would be a beautiful thing.

So, what's so sad about about it, you might be asking.

Well, I'll tell ya.

I decided with my advancing age (an astounding 37 years), that maybe I should go see Dr. Brad and get official clearance that my oven is still capable of baking without undercooking or burning the buns.

Now don't you fret, kids.

The news is nothing Earth shattering.

Just a big FAT reality check.

1st. I'm getting old.

Dammit.

If a body is in the 35+ age group and goes to the OB/GYN and tell them that you're gonna have hot monkey sex with the intention of procreatation...

2.04.2008

Yes kids, it's the day after Superbowl Sunday and if'n you're a football nut you're either stoked because the Giants pulled the rug out from under the Patriots or bummed and depressed to the point of needing psychiatric help and a lollipop.

Sorry boys.

It's kinda cool that the Mannings rock balls like they do with Peyton being a superhero in the likes of Aquaman around these parts.

I'm not a huge Pro ball fan at all.

College ball is a different story, can't pull me away from the TV on Saturday all fall.

I pulled for the Patriots for one reason: The boy.

I knew if they didn't win that the boy would need a visit to the shrink this morning and a mild sedative.

Not to worry. Dr. Mayhem said it appears that he will only need the meds for the next week or so and he'll be ok.

It's over. Put on your big boy panties and go on.

Enough of that.

So, me and Big T have found a new watering hole/dive to kick it in.

It's less than a 2 minute drive from our palace.

This is a definite plus, because after I've drinkin ungodly amounts of alcohol, being chauffered too far makes one feel the need to yack...

It's a cool little place we found a few weeks ago, quite by accident.

They gots the karaoke and not one of the singers sucks balls!!

Yes, friends, if you go to karaoke at the wrong place you might suffer bleeding ear syndrome.