Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I Listened 2 The Right Voice, It Was Not Mine

After Boot Camp last night I was driving home, then I heard this voice in my head that was not mine. I listened . . .

I am learning to trust the right voices that echo in that thing that gets me in trouble. I heard a voice telling me that I should go to a meeting. I listened to God's direction and went to the Womens Stag at Casa. I have not been to this meeting in months. The secretary was in relaspe mode, the speakers, I felt, spoke mostly based on opinion (hah, and this is my opinion) and I began walking away from that meeting feeling worse than when I got there. So I stopped going.

And so God is awesome when I listen and do. The speaker last night was LIT!!! A good lit. She celebrated 20 years and spoke from the Big Book steps 1 - 6. I believe that God speaks through people, and I was to be in that chair, at that time, to hear what I needed to hear. Sometimes I sit at meetings and what I hear is all that crap in my own head. I am still learning how to, um, ignore it -- it is all spiritual process I must remember.

Today I am so blessed that I have this Dz. I can NEVER take a drink again. Wait a second, ok, I can drink again at any given time but I could NEVER drink SAFELY again. This is my truth. I have not hit the rock bottoms that many speak of during meetings. However it is all relative. My rock bottom was enough for me to take action, I was desperate enough to seek a different solution that was other than my own. I know if I enable the drink back into my life there is no more God and there is always a rock bottom beneath my rock bottom.

todAAy i am grAAteful & thAAnkful:*Step 3"Made a decision to turn our will (What I Want) and our lives (What I Have) over to the care of God as we understood Him."* I got to see Mary, my house manager while I was in sober living, take a 4 year cake* The Fellowship that allows me to see my Truth* That I can listen to the similarities, not the differences of those in the fellowship* All the hugs I got last night from my sisters* April, my little sober sister (with the most contagious energy). We shared the Garden room at Casa together. She, along with Alexis, helped me to discover my God -- to abandon that fear of 29 years which prevented me from having a God.* Jazz and how it transmits in my emotional state* Of course Mr. Incredible, Budda, Asia, Basa Boo, Nic and my old lady friend Olive* SSG. Eric LeClair and all the Elite Fitness Bootcampers* That it's FRIDAY* TheSobriety Society , thanks Scottalong with dAAve* All of you. You help to ignite the light in my recovery.

Shannon, glad u like the tunes. Soon I will change this to have the user play it at his or her convience for it can get disruptive when logging into a site.

Thanks dAAve for the 411 about SS! Can I hire you as my editor? Hehee! It should be working now. I got copy and paste HAPPY and over pasted the link. DOH. Jazz is sweet -- cheek 2 cheek (scott) with a cup of Jo, it is Heaven.

Tab, I too am an obber Star Wars child. I would have to confess Mitch is more of an oober than me -- sometimes we do Star Wars marathon watching in the background while working. We are always quoting stuff from them -- :D