I Still Owe You a Sorry...

You know when you have someone you owe sorry too, but you never knew how? This is my apology to someone...

Submitted:Jul 15, 2012
Reads: 25
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I Still Owe You a Sorry..
By Matty.

I don't even know where to begin…
I have known you for as long as I can remember…
God… It takes me back…

The very day I met you,
I was fourteen, you were sixteen.
You seemed so brutal and harsh,
Someone I would run from.
But the more I spent time with you,
The more my eyes became enlarged.
I saw the real you…
The you, I fell for.

Then you sent me a song,
"Does that Blue Moon Shine on You"
You know… by Toby Keith?
That was it.
I can't describe it.
I had tripped and you caught me.

Bliss.
Nothing but peace,
Joy,
Remembrance,
Love.

But I fucked it up.
I cheated.
I admit it.
I had a reason.

There was a day,
Do you remember it?
I do.
November 9th, 2009.
That was the day, when I felt I was put on trial.
For something I never understood,
Even to this day.
All of your friends and you,
Yelling at me,
Cursing at me!

When I reached out for your hand,
You turned your back.
And let me fall…

The person I cheated on you, with.
Took my hand.
They saved me.
I felt like I was in heaven…

But nothing lasts forever.
Because you found out.
I admit it. I was in the wrong.
I regret it.
I was immature.
Your trust in me, was destroyed.

Our love was like a picture frame,
That had been dropped,
It was breaking.

I never knew what to say,
I never knew what to do,
I never knew what I felt,
I never knew what I wanted.
I never knew how to love…

And after that…
I still owe you a sorry…

After that,
It was my fault.
I cheated again.

I don't even know why.
You never deserved it.
You only wanted to protect me…
And I denied you that…
I felt like I was being treated like a child.
I deserved it.

Each time we dated felt uneasy.
You never trusted me,
Good.
I never deserved your trust.

I was too blind to see it.
You kept chasing.
You believed I was there for you…
You loved me…
And I loved you…
It just…
Was never the same as before…

I have no words to say but,
I still owe you a sorry…

Eventually I gave up.
Date,
Break up,
Date,
Break up,
That was our game.
That was our relationship.

I was yelled at,
Treated badly.
As I look back on it now,
I see that I earned it all.
I shouldn't have complained when I did,
I was the one who earned the suffering,
Never you.

I was childish.
I never took you seriously,
I should have.
Laughed instead of cried.
Was silent, instead of spoke.
Was sarcastic, instead of serous.

As I look back on it…
I still owe you a sorry…

Come the summer of 2011.
I was away from home, and you were in the States.
Something happened.
It was almost… like summer love.

Playful…
Smiling…
Jokes…
It was amazing.

But that's when it happened.
You told me it too,
The light you kept returning too,
Burned out…
Then there was no point in coming back…
You sent me the song, "Bittersweet Memories" by Bullet For My
Valentine.
I never understood why…
But I see that now…

After I broke you once,
I should be the one running after you,
Not the other way around…
I should be chasing you,
On my hands and knees begging you to take me back,
Sending you songs to listen too,
Beating down your door,
Trying to get you to take me back…
Not you!

Fuck…
I still owe you a sorry…

There came a time,
When I was cheated on…
And that was when, I became so broken.
I turned to you.

I had promised myself,
After we had broken up that final time,
"I won't even turn to him for anything!"
But I was wrong…
I turned to you for help…
Because I finally understood what I did.
I understood it all.
The pain,
The tears,
The screams,
The heartbreak,
The lies,
The betrayal...
I felt it all…

You took my hand…
And helped me…
I am in debt to your forgiveness.

I expected you to stand.
Laughing in my face.
Telling me I deserved it.
I was worthless.
I was no better than the dirt on the ground…
But you didn't…

Though we are talking again…
I still look back on the day I cheated on you,
Broke your heart,
And I think…

Even if I went through all the pain you did,
Even if we never date again…
Even if you walk out of my life forever…
I still owe you a sorry…

No words can ever bring back,
All the tears you shed…
Destroy all the pain you felt…
Kill all the horrid memories…

No matter what…
Even if I still owe you a sorry…
It will never be enough…