I don't know... is the 'you' in line three the 'you' in the last line, or the 'he' in the second to last... I guess it doesn't make much defense stands out because it doesn't tie into the next line-directly. And usually uh random thoughts enter a whole new idea and then you just leave it at that, or they help bring fourth the next line. But yeah, I love this. I agree with it totally. I see it everyday with this couple who sit at my lunch table.

Good first line, gets you hooked on the poem. This is really good stuff, the second line is great too, the layout is not bad, it is easy to read and has some very intelligent ideas and words. Just could do with cuting down the lenght of the two long lines, that would help the flow. The ending is good, it finishes it well. Keep writing and good luck.
Nine Iron