If you're like me, you've noticed, lately, that the mainstream media spends virtually no time talking about the presidential candidate's positions on Iraq. Come to think of it, the mainstream media pretty much ignores every major issue in the election,...

Well, after a some careful research, I think I might have found the reason why this is happening: The candidates have not issued their policy positions in lolcat language, that cute, idiosyncratic jargon sweeping the nation.

The origin of lolcat is a photo of a
cat superimposed with the sentence 'I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?' Apparently, this was the author's translation of the more familiar English phrase 'CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?' Thanks to the internet (such as this web site) and way too much free time on our hands, Americans have produced millions of lolcat photos complete with catchy lolcat phrases.

Given this lolcat language trend, and how much of our collectivemental energy is now devoted to lolcat speak on a daily basis, if we-the-people want them-the-media to report on our presidential candidates policy differences--well, then citizen journalists will need to step up.

We will need to do the hard work of translating the candidate's positions into lolcat.

The rules of lolcat grammar have yet to be officially published. Nonetheless, standard average lolcat tends to run something like this (notwithstanding local dialects):

With that technical stuff in mind, I offer the salient points from our top presidential candidates' Iraq positions, translated into lolcat--for the benefit of America's mainstream media political reporters.

Well, after a some careful research, I think I might have found the reason why this is happening: The candidates have not issued their policy positions in lolcat language, that cute, idiosyncratic jargon sweeping the nation.

The origin of lolcat is a photo of a
cat superimposed with the sentence 'I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?' Apparently, this was the author's translation of the more familiar English phrase 'CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?' Thanks to the internet (such as this web site) and way too much free time on our hands, Americans have produced millions of lolcat photos complete with catchy lolcat phrases.

Given this lolcat language trend, and how much of our collectivemental energy is now devoted to lolcat speak on a daily basis, if we-the-people want them-the-media to report on our presidential candidates policy differences--well, then citizen journalists will need to step up.

We will need to do the hard work of translating the candidate's positions into lolcat.

The rules of lolcat grammar have yet to be officially published. Nonetheless, standard average lolcat tends to run something like this (notwithstanding local dialects):

With that technical stuff in mind, I offer the salient points from our top presidential candidates' Iraq positions, translated into lolcat--for the benefit of America's mainstream media political reporters.