(Closed) friend as wedding coordinator?

I have a friend who got married and now has an infant son. She hinted that she’s willing to help me with the wedding, conduct research, etc. etc. and simultaneously balance the responsibilities of being a new mom. She also has a full time job, which she’ll be returning to in a month. She’s very organized, and had a wedding coordinator during her wedding. She also has all her vendors’ information from when she got married. I will be using most of her vendors as well, since her wedding was so well put together. I was wondering would it be a good idea to ask her to be my wedding coordinator or should I hire my own? What does a wedding coordinator’s responsibilities entail?

Hire your own. I would want my friend to be at the wedding as a guest, not to work. To help you and to actually be your coordinator are two very different things. The latter has a lot more responsibility and a possible impact on the event AND the friendship.

You may want to hire your own day-of-coordinator. They will be your go-to person for you or your vendors should anything arise. They will work out exact timelines, supervise/oversee set up, etc.

One of my very good friends is going to be my day-of coordinator. I actually first asked her to be a bridesmaid, but knowing her views on marriage (not super favorable for herself – though she is very supportive of mine) and her general reluctance to be ‘on display’, I gave her the option to decline without any hurt feelings. She said she’d be happy to do it for me, but even happier to contribute to my wedding in a different way – as a coordinator. I was blown away by her generosity, and accepted.

She was previously a bm in someone else’s wedding but it was terribly disorganized and she ended up doing a lot of last minute coordinator-like duties at that wedding. At the time we talked about it and had a lot of similar opinions about what would have made it easier, so I think she has faith in my uber-organized approach to all things. I will make things as easy as I can leading up to it, but on the day of she insists that I leave it in her very capable hands, so I can just enjoy things. I am also trying to be totally conscious of her whereabouts on the day, as I want to ensure that she can enjoy it too.

It’s been great – it’s like having a 4th bridesmaid (I have 3 ‘official’ ones) in the planning stages. She is totally involved with the other girls in planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party, and we talk a lot about general wedding plans as well. FI and I are doing all the vendor contact and such, so her duties are mostly day of things like organizing the decorating and set up of our ceremony and reception rooms, overseeing other personnel (like ushers), helping with tear down of both rooms, etc. This is especially helpful because we have a pretty tight schedule as to when we have access to our rooms that day.

So, I guess it depends on your relationship with this person, and how much your philosophies on the wedding mesh. It sounds like she has a very full plate though, with the baby and full time job, so you might consider whether she can really handle it all, and if not, what kind of stress that might put on your friendship. Are you thinking of compensating her?

I think JCM9608 hit it on the nail. From what you mentioned, your friend is a new mother and returning to her job, which is a lot for anyone to handle already. Let alone help in planning a friend’s wedding on top of that. The added pressure may strain your friendship eventually.

One of my good friends offered to be our DOC, which I was bowled over by her generosity. In the end, my fiance and I decided we much rather have her as a guest at the wedding, then running around answering vendor questions and making sure things are running smoothly.

You can always go to her with advice and suggestions, without giving her the full responsiblity of being your DOC.