Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Some of the hilarious
A biker stops at a young girl who's just about to jump off a bridge..
He asks her: do you mind giving me the final kiss before u jump? She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest kiss ever...

When she's finished, the man said "wow! That is the best kiss i ever had! That's a real talent your wasting! So, why are u committing a suicide?"
she replied: my parents dont like me dressing up like a girl.
By the way my name is John!...
Hahaha eeewwwww
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Two fleas are sitting on the beach in Daytona. It's the middle of February. One flea has this bad cold, he's sneezing, sniffling, and carrying on.

The fleas introduce themselves and the other flea asks the first how he got such an awful cold.
The first flea says "Oh it was terrible, I rode down here on the mustache of a guy riding a motorcycle. It was cold, wet and windy. Then it started raining and I got this damn cold."

The other flea says "That's a rough way to get here, you should do what I do. I go to the airport, find the stewardess lounge, go in the bathroom and hop on a stewardess. It's a quick and comfortable way to travel.

One year later, same beach, same two fleas. The same flea has the same bad cold. He's sneezing, sniffling, and carrying on.
The other flea says to him "Didn't I meet you here last year and you had that same awful cold?"
The first flea says "Yeah, that was me and I did just what you said. I went to the airport, found the stewardess lounge, went to the bathroom and jumped on this beautiful stewardess. She was so nice and warm and soft that I fell asleep and when I woke up ... I was on the mustache of a guy riding a motorcycle!"
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Funny Bikers Quotes

A guy riding a honda pulls up to a toll booth. The attendant says, "Two dollars." The guy on the honda says, "SOLD!"
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harley davidson one liners

What do you call a guy riding a honda next too a harley. He is called a hardley.

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A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'

The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'

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A biker wearing all his leathers, chain wallet and tall boots is sitting at the bar.

A cute girl walks in and sits next to him and says “are you are real biker?”

He said “well, I build what I ride, I ride over 25,000 miles a year and am not afraid to wrench it when it needs it, I guess that makes me a real biker. He said, “would you like a ride?”

She said, “I don't ride with guys, I am a lesbian.”

He said, “How do you know you are a lesbian”?

She said “When I wake up, I think about women, when I go to the park, I think about women, when I go to sleep I am thinking about women.”

After finishing her drink she left. Soon after, a couple walks in and sits down next to him and asks “are you a real biker?”

He said, “I used to think I was, but now I think I am a lesbian.”

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A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it.

I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see", says the manager, "and is this b!tch giving you a hard time?"

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A little guy is sitting in a bar staring at his drink for over an hour. A big ugly biker walks up to the bar, takes the little guys drink and gulps it down. Then looks at the little guy as if to say now what you going to do about it. The little guy starts to cry.

The big guy say's," Ah now I didn't mean to make you cry, I hate to see a man cry." The little guy starts to explain,"I woke up late this morning missed an important meeting, my boss fired me. Went to the parking lot to find somebody stole my car, had no Insurance. Left my wallet in the cab I took home, found my wife in bed with another man, and my dog bit me. I came in here trying to get up the courage to kill myself, and now you went and drank the damn poison."

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harley davidson puns

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

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An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a dirt biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, gnarliest hills I can find at the crack of dawn."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a dirt biker."

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 117 years old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went dirt bikin' with you this Sunday too?"

The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

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A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I took it off the dude who owns this bike, along with his dope, both are in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too

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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says,