Just kidding... GET OFF ME!!! I just wanna sing the original soundtrack of 50 Shades of Grey, not acting the role of that chick, whatever her name is .

I am wondering if any of you have read this 50 shades of grey thing, because I did lol. And to be honest, 1st book seems ok. 2nd book has a bit more dramatic stuffs and 3rd book is just omg so boring and I regretted ever buying all 3 books. Oh well .

When they announced that there would be a movie based on these books I was like "are you kidding me?". Who is gonna watch this crap? It's like chick flick mixed with porn. Get me out of here!! I'd rather watch South Park whole day. No offence, I know it's a funny show to some of you but sometimes it can be a pain for me to sit throughout the show because I don't understand what is going on lol.

Anyway, back to Mr. 50 shades, the movie may be a sham but I gotta admit it's soundtracks are quite nice. Especially this song called Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding. I was just browsing Youtube and saw this song and I was like "meh let's see how it is". First time I heard it, it was errr ooooook. But as I listen to it more and more, it got stuck in my head. And you know what happens when some tunes is stuck in my head? That's right, I sing it out .

If you have been employed and not happy with your job, then we have something in common. And I am pretty sure it's not just you and me.

Anyone who works for someone else for money will eventually find unhappiness along the line. Unless your job pays you 100 times more than what you expected then maybe you won't feel so unsatisfied. But then, money as a motivation doesn't last long. Eventually, you will end up doing something else.People say "Those who don't have dream work for those who have dreams". It's so true but how can one help it when all one has got to do it to work for somebody because nowadays, no money means no life.

Simple as that, you need money to be your own boss.

If you have someone who is willing to support you financially until you are strong on your feet then you're a lucky one. I am in no position to tell you what to do because I myself is trying to hack my own life too. It shouldn't be this difficult but this is where life has been leading us to and we have no choice. We've gotta ride on top of it and own our lives. I know this blog page has been full of craps and I have been abandoning it way too long. But today I am going to make a come back and share with you all how my journal to making more money is going on so far. It's not a perfect one. Nothing is perfect but I feel like if I share something then maybe someone who feels the same way can get some motivation or even inspiration to start doing something. I may even get valued advices from people who already went ahead of me.Either way, it's gonna be a win win situation.X------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>>>>>>>>> ERM CLICK THIS??!!

I have ended what started 7 years ago....My feeling right now is neutral. I was angry and sad but now I am okay.I want to focus more on other stuffs in my life. How tomorrow will be I don't know yet, but I will always be me, strong and positive.I will invest more time into writing my first book, writing my first song, drawing my first ..uhm.. drawing, running my first 100 miles non-stop. Okay I am not sure about the last one but yes I will definitely do the first three listed.Bring it on, I am up for the challenge!ex oh ex oh

Okay, I think it's time I should be serious about losing weight. In fact, it's more to being fit, looking lean and healthy than the weight issue itself. I don't mind if I drop only a few pounds/kilograms and look slim, instead of dropping a lot and not healthy. Because I want my fat to be substituted by muscle weight, which is of course better.

Now, I am not a fan of starving myself. I am a working person and I need energy for my daily activities. So starving is a no no. I know some of you will starve yourselves and you might lose weight but you will look tired, old and probably can't do anything efficiently. Plus after that process you will eat normal (or more) and trust me you will put more weights back on. So what's the point?!

I'm also not a fan of pills and all that "magical" gimmicks when you don't have to do anything, all you need to do is swallow those pills and the fat will disappear itself. I think that's lazy and won't work. Whoever says it works is probably the seller himself (or his friends, partners, someone he hires to write those positive reviews). And while saying this, I did bought some pills myself and used them and saw the results with my own eyes (which is nothing changed) so of course I know what I am talking about.

I have set up a weekly routine and I will stick to it. It's not hard and it's not boring plus I believe it works. Ready to hear it?

I, Rita KY NKT,will commit to this plan below, that...

I will do Bikram Yoga 4-5 times a week, each session lasts 90 minutes. So in total it's about 360-450 minutes in a sauna room condition stretching and sweating.

I will also spend 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night every day hula hooping. Yes that's right, a hula hoop is your best friend. Spin that thing and you will cut down the size of your "love handle" ;)

And lastly, whenever I'm free and feel right (no pressure) I will do some light push ups, sit ups or play with my 2 kg dumbbell.

Besides all these exercises, I will also switch to a healthier eating lifestyle. No more food after 8pm. Drink more water and tea. Eat more fresh fruits. And I may have to eat in small portions many times a day if that's what my body needs.

Sometimes I am lost, sometimes I find ways. I guess my life is a process of being lost and finding ways. Breathe in breathe out just to realise I am alive. I am a wanderer by days and a dreamer by nights. Looking for my true wanted life right now...

What is life all about?? If I could just start it all over again, I know the best way is to change a few things around. But sometimes, I think I am who I am today is because of incidents in my past. And to be honest with all of you, I am happy being how I am right now. It's just the situation is not what I expected.

Yes we expect much, we dream big, we want to go far. But sometimes, life drags you to places and slows you down. That's just what it's all about, taking the challenges and get over them. ...... I have been stressed inside out, depressed to the core of a bottomless pitch black empty space. Many times I cried my eye balls out, screamed out loud under the pillows, covered myself up in a thick blanket and just bawled. It didn't help with the situation but it did help my feelings. Anyone who has known me well is probably sick and tired of my complicated emotions and psychological system. Of course everyone has problems and all I want to do sometimes is to have a huge group hugs, talk the shits out and maybe we could help each other. Human, after all, is one of a kind and we should be together, side by side, you and me. The thing is, maybe, to solve our own problems, we will just have to take a step forward and it will be already half solved. Keep telling yourself that and you will be happy realising the problem itself has already been gone before you knew it. Please don't give up, keep living, and make your life worth while. I know I will try my best at that. Hope and pray for a happy life. xoxo Rita K.Y (NKT)------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>>>>>>>>> ERM CLICK THIS??!!

Do you miss me?? Did you behave while I was away busy running with my life flow and trying to make ends meet?I do miss you so much. I miss how we always communicated to each other like almost every day. I miss how you know all my secrets and you are still here with me (probably because you have no "legs"). I also miss how I innocently poured all my heart, my soul and my emotions here and surprisingly it really helped me standing up again stronger than ever.How have we all been? I hope you are fine. As I am so fine and I will tell you why *wink*So it's been so long since I posted the last entry. Time really flies, I have no idea how many times I have said this. Within a blink of an eye, I am now already 23 years old and will be 24 soon. I so don't want to grow further but who am I to stop time?Anyway, as I am sitting here, typing this entry, I just wanna update whoever is still following my blog on whatever has been going on around me right here right now at this very moment.To keep it short and brief, I quit my job. And it's a decision I have been thinking about really long, unlike all the other jobs I had. The be frank, I love the job, it's easy and it pays well. But as I am moving on, I realized I have been in the adult industry since I was 18. That's like 5+ years. The hours are always from the evening till early morning. I thought I have always been an owl but I guess I'd rather be an owl doing its own stuff than being surrounded by horny cocky disgusting drunk man. Mind you, I was a manager, in case you were thinking my occupation is something else *ahem*.Although it's a shame I am throwing away my Manager position, which literally took my sweat and tears and sickened me when I had childish fight with childish people, I just have to move on.So now I have so much more free time for myself. I paid my rent till mid November and I still have a reasonable amount of money in the bank account to give me some break time that I really need. I am not a machine after all.I hope this come back of me will bring something new, something exciting to my life. I might start writing a fiction novel. Who knows?! HahaThanks for being here reading my bla bla-ingLove you heapsRita K.T.N (my real name *wink*)xoxo

It's been so long since...I don't remember when I stopped posting blog entries. I mean, of course life is busy and full of works to do..okay I am trying to make an excuse on the spot here. But hey, at least I am back, I am here now, writing to you guys, as if there are still a few of you sitting here reading my post :)

Let me get it started by giving you all a big big hug. Why? Because you all deserve it. I do believe if we human hug each other enough, there won't be any war. Am I right?

So how has it been for each and everyone of you? I won't go telling what's been going on in my life uncontrollably now because to be frank, shits happened, lol, just kidding....not, hahaha... But erm really, good things and bad things happened, for a reason, or many reasons, I believe. So far, I am enjoying life in a way. It's my life, I love it and I find reasons to enjoy it every day. Like what I am doing now, writing to you guys, is what I love to do. After all, I am a girl, and girls love sharing stories (I refuse to use the word "gossip").

Gosh, I feel like I can start typing a whole fiction book now. I have been imagining stuffs lately and ideas keep flashing through my mind. Maybe it's not a bad idea that I should start writing. What do you all think?

So I'm finally 21, the age of legally drinking in America, the age where people in Australia consider as being mature. I am an adult now lol

I feel very good these day. I had around 117 wishes on my Facebook wall. I feel more blessed than ever. For many times, I fall into the loneliness of myself. I feel pushed down to the bottom of the bottomless sadness, and I just couldn't escape the feeling, it's really horrible.

Thank you everyone for passing by and say Happy Birthday to me. It really means a lot, seriously.Looking back of my 21 years in the past, I found many stuffs I wish I could change. But I guess going back means no meaning. It's only the future I can change, what's coming ahead I can control.

21 years have passed. How many years more to come before I stop breathing, I don't know. But I know I just gotta be the best of me and make the best out of this life.

Has anyone experienced this before? I will list it as a feeling anyone would experience and now it's my turn.

How could I hate someone who has totally no idea about what happened and doesn't deserved to be hated by a no-one like me. I mean, as if anyone would care if I love or hate someone, but still, that person is totally innocent.

This is another post about someone-you-are-not-supposed-to-know, and there are many people like this in my life. So before you try to remember when my last post about someone like this one was, they ain't same person.

I gotta know this cool, smart girl [JUST LIKE HOW A GUY I KNOW SAID ABOUT HER] and we got along pretty well until... no, screw that, we still get along well at the moment. It's just me acting funny because my brain is a stupid person's brain and my heart is a stupid person's heart!It hurts myself to know something I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN EARLIER from the first time the question was asked, not 2.5 years later!!! It hurts myself even more to know that a friend is involved in here. And yes that friend is the "someone" I'm talking about.

No it actually shouldn't hurt at all. I should be totally happy that a guy who used to like that "someone" now likes me. It means I could be cool and smart too huh? Just like that "someone"..

NO for fucking God's sake, Rita, you just overestimate yourself too much and who do you think you are to think you can be like anyone out there??!!!

Though I am stupid and such, I still have my pride and dignity. And somehow, in a very ridiculous way, they are crashed into pieces, along with my love and my heart!

What should I do when I totally feel powerless and upset?

You can't just erase a relationship

because of the past right?

Why can't I be proud of myself? Nothing I did made me proud! Instead they make me feel ashamed and wonder why all these are happening to me. Who would want to work their ass off in a strip club, deal with drunk assholes, and collect 1 by 1 dollar every night?! Who would want to worry so much about the present and the future while being depressed with the past?! Who would want to keep torturing one's self with their thoughts and stupid feelings?! I know I don't!

Before anyone of you go confused even more than you are right now. I just gotta say, this is a mess, a shame, a pain, a stab in my chest, a way uncontrollably overreacted situation. It shouldn't be like this. I should take it cool and easy!!! But I can't,