Thursday, January 7, 2010

Maybe I had too much whiskey.....

Everyone has an Elvis story.

And they'll always preface it with BPB&J, or APB&J (before and after he found peanut butter) Don't believe me? Ask you Mother, or better yet- your Grandma. Elvis gave everyone a piece of jewelry or a Cadillac at some point.....or maybe that's just my family and maybe they're all liars. Either way, I know this is true because My Love and I just spent four hours drinking whiskey, smoking Carlton 100's and eating Chinese takeout with my grandparents while we talked stories. Serious, serious stories. Elvis, Fats Domino, gambling and The Mob all made appearances. Like every good story, naturally. And then we talked life, standard dirt roads, apartment homes, grandkids and bar stools...

My grandparents didn't meet until they were in their late forties and here they are with, what seems to be a LIFETIME worth of experiences together- good and bad, rags and riches. Where many people in their forties are settled into their lives, their kids, their careers and so on....or at least that's what you assume will be your fortysomething self. You assume, the stories will lessen, the routine will settle, the bank accounts, the savings and the assets will start growing and things will just.....float. Comfortably. You'll resign to the fact that "this is my life". But in reality, LIFE if you're living it, will continue to give you stories...... beyond living vicariously though TV, your children, or your "younger you."

Whether it's today and you're 25, or you're 18- you're 50 or you're 32....when we feel stuck, or feel like... "this is it" or when we get all angsty and 20something like and start babbling on about not wanting to resign to the "real world," we just want to travel and dream. We just want to be heard and successful and fuck-god-damnit-FREAK OUT......

..... There's a moment, when we have to stop. and realize, we can push that little hypothetical "reset" button and try again, because the tape on the stories that you have at the end of your life doesn't stop running.

We can start over. Quit. Move. Sign up. Flee. Blog it out. Break up. Let go. Apply. Nothing is DONE. We are creating our stories EVERY DAY, whether we're in Tahiti, or bum fuck random Midwest. Whether we're living some "fancy" entrepreneur existence, or we're still trying to get a fucking job.... when it comes down to the end, when you're under the weight of your comforters, sipping a night cap and thinking "how the hell did I get 70?" all the bullshit we busy our frenzied typing fingertips, worrying and cluttering our minds with won't matter.

Live more by living NOW first.....right?

As I sat there listening I thought, this is what every failure, every broken down truck and every year spent doing the hard, skin drying, back-acheing labor and dirty work is really for. This is what every "what am I doing with myself, this is not 'THE PLAN'" moment is for. When you're IN IT, when you're a month late on your credit card bill, you can only buy the generic brand and the elastic on your underwear is literally hanging by a thread- it's hard to see any of it as worth experiencing. You sort of just want to punch someone in the face, or cut people off on the highway, rather than say "Thanks for the memories."

Sure, its the glamorous stories that you envision telling, but what makes the sweet sweeter is the fact that you've tasted some bitterness too.

What we should strive for is having a dash of humor, a no-bullshit attitude and the foresight to see that nothing is permanent. Nothing. So, when we're all flying high to every peak there is a down slope.....or we wait for a helicopter lift hoping we don't freeze our tits off first.

It's hard not to get to caught up in "wanting to live." Wanting to be out, wanting to meet more people- have more friends, have more experiences, more work....more....everything. While we're so busy busying ourselves with the "need" to live more, we don't realize that we're already living some of the stories we'll relish telling later on.

So yes, do I want to travel more and DO BIG THINGS ALL THE TIME, do I want more interesting twitter updates about what airport I'm in, what amazing accomplishment I have, what "Life List" goal has been crossed off and what awesome-new-person-i'm-omg-bffs-with-fml ....yes, yes I want all that- and I fully believe I am experiencing that now. But, I'm gonna be good knowing that small or large- Elvis or Bob from the Last Chance saloon will give me stories worth telling.

One more thing, since contradiction is my middle name, next to awesome and well, since I have NO SHAME and time is a tickin'- I was nominated in a few categories at 20Something Bloggers for the 2010 Bootlegger Awards, Vote here and I'll virtually lick your face. If your face tastes good.

I really wish that sometimes in the midst of my madness and not paying attention to what is going on, because I am worrying about what the story coulda, woulda, shoulda, maybe is gonna be that there was an actual reset button. Damn I know I have missed some really good shit, whilst not paying attention to what the hell is going on.

My favorite "little moment" today? Reading this post. Because, just like everyone else before me, I also needed this so badly. You seem to have an uncanny way about your posts coming at exactly the right time. Thank you! Going to vote now, btw.

You constantly deliver posts that make one think. It makes me feel even better when its a thought I too have been contemplating, and to see it illuminated in text.

I've realized that loving "current life" doesn't harm "future life". It actually enhances them both. Part of what makes me such a happy person is personal, everyday fulfillment. We need to appreciate that too.

Hearing 'Happy' by Leona Lewis for the first time and realizing i don't care that i like someone who is hopelessly flawed and unchangeable. He is still what makes my heart flutter, and rather then ignore or suppress that wondrous feeling, I plan to embrace it. To take the good with the bad and allow that 'happy' to really shine.

i wrote a post very similar to this that i'm holding to publish once i get my new blog running. basically how the "this is it" feeling terrifies me and when i look at what i'm doing right now, it won't be worth a damn as a story later in life. but you're totally right, EVERYTHING has a story that comes out of it. don't worry about the glitz and the glam, just live and see what happens. or something. :)

Chelsea: By far one of your best written, maybe my favorite inspiring posts. You need to gather them for a self-help book. Well done. (Kind of hard for me to feel the moment of living when you are staring at five loads of laundry & your toes are numb from the cold. You always think is there anything better than this?)I agree, the tape hasn't stopped. Maybe the recorder runs a little slower...but the tape goes on till the end.

Man, you need to write a book! I get so caught up in the daily struggle of being a 20something and "figuring it out" that I forget there will be a time when I look back and smile at all that I went through. I'm trying to stop worrying so much about the future and just simply enjoy what's happening right now. Even if I'm enjoying having no fucking money! But you are SO very right!

It would mean the world if you would check out my blog.. www.amandablaira-to-b.blogspot.com

My little moment? When one of my little sixth grade graders looked up at me the other day and said, "Ms. C. You are really pretty." It was so sweet - and needed (especially since I've been feeling like a beast lately).

I love this post. My boyfriend's mom always tells us we will laugh someday and look back at these times when we were both poor and struggling - as the best of times! Maybe she's right though.

Yet again, I love your writing. This post is great and is something that I am trying to do everyday- appreciate. As far as the voting for you goes, I already did that the second I saw your name on the ballot.

I live in a tiny room with my bf in my cousins house with her 2 daughters. Every moment I am dreaming of when life will get better. Instead of enjoying and realizing how close this experience has brought us. In every literal sense too.

One day I'm sure we will be saying stories for this experience one day.

this is awesome. I'm a huge offender of thinking of all the things I want to do and ways I want to live and forgetting that I'm living a very beautiful life in the present and I need to make the most of it here and now.

Thank you for kicking me around and helping me see that the most important moment is now. :-)

My favorite little moment, is me sitting at my desk sipping on a soy chai, looking at the snow glistening on the mountain out our office window. It's simple really. But sometimes it's just enough to make me flash the pearly whites and dimples :)

I so agree. For a time, I lived in a shitty studio apartment and could barely eat and couldn't pay bills, but I did a ton of art and went on bad dates and lived ALONE and figured it out. It was one of the worst times of my life, but looking back on it, I so treasure those moments.

I think it was the forever-brilliant Kyla Roma who said that her goal for this year was to slow down, stop living in anticipation of what's to come and start enjoying today. I couldn't agree more---there is always sweetness, even when you're yearning for more.

This fits in so well with what I posted today about letting go! Great minds think alike! Needless to say, I love this post, and it's getting a star in my Reader so I can come back to it someday when I lose inspiration.

if i could carry one thing around with me in a little bottle all day, everyday, it would be each of your posts. i really can re-read all of your posts a million times and its like reading it for the first time. dang, i sound like a lesbian and kinda weird. whatever, i love it all.

I went to Graceland once. Slept at a cheap ass hotel with wet carpet and police on 24 hr watch. Listened to old women on tour buses complainthat their elvis tour headsets were in "Chee-nese." Marked it off as a big shit show and waste of time. Now, it's a little memory in photo album and I can laugh about being 21 and driving 6 hours to say "I've been to Graceland."

Fantastic. I have to remind myself often that I'm living the life right now. It's not ideal, not even close, but this is what I have. If I don't make the most of all the little moments, I only have myself to blame.

I love this post. I always tell my teenage brother (15) who says "life sucks" and "I'm bored" is that life isn’t interesting, fun or grand all the time - if it were then the really great times - wouldn’t be so special...

My favorite "little moment" today was on my way to work, stuck in a massive snarl of traffic, and I popped in some random mix CD- turned out it was from an ex. I was going to immediately pop it out, you know, natural reflex, but I realized that it didn't make me sad or upset or....ANYTHING. I just simply liked the music and it was a beautiful morning all of the sudden.

Yes, I think you probably did have too much whiskey..but that's the great thing about whiskey. It leads to fun reading like this! Thanks for stopping by. I love your blog and all that you have to say. I'll be reading...

Amazing post. You never know where life will lead you. The little things are definitely what matter. My favorite little thing today was the sweet note my 10 year old sister wrote me saying she can't wait to spend the whole day together (i'm babysitting). Those are the things that can be easily taken for granted but mean so much! Thanks for visiting my blog btw and I'm going to vote.

There is a reason why we all end up telling stories when the small talk ends. I love my stories no matter how "small time" they are - and that's one of the main reasons that I started a blog - to have somewhere to tell them.

I even told an Elvis story on my blog. Of course it was about a couple of bad impersonators at a wedding - but still...

Love this--I am constantly striving for moremoremore to the point where I'm paying absolutely zero attention to the present. I NEVER stop to think about what's going on currently and how lucky I am. Right now I'm thinking about it, and it's pretty amazing, and sadly, five minutes from now I'll forget about it and feel totally discontent again.

My favourite little moment today was getting to leave work an hour and a half early on Friday afternoon. I came home and a new magazine was in my mailbox. Perfect start to the weekend!

I was doing my budgeting for this semester and realized I have about $20 a week to spend on food and gas and I have no job. I kind of sat there for a minute wishing that tomorrow I'd wake up and it would be May 1st. Then when that horrid feeling went away I just started laughing hysterically. I realized there probably will never again be a time in my life that I will be able to do this and live. So bring it on.

lovely post and i will be voting for you as soon as i'm finished this comment!

my little moment:

my lovely man and i lying on our stomachs looking out of our bedroom window watching the rain pour down outside. we live in the desert so rain is rare, but 2009 was our driest year in a very very long time - 2010 is looking good already!

This is awesome, and incredibly true. Days can drag and collide into one another, but it's noticing the small things that keeps us going. Today was waking up without wanting to kill someone for peace and quiet. I went to bed at 9 PM last night and found myself rested and content when waking up.

LOVED this post. It's funny, but half the time I have to sit around and think shit up to blog about, and the other half just kind of happens while I'm out living. That's the moral of the story - live your life and the stories will follow. The stories always follow. My favorite little moment today was picking up my dogs from the kennel. I haven't seen them in almost a week and missed them like crazy, and seeing how happy they were to see me just made my heart smile a big toothy grin. Ok, now I'm picturing my heart with teeth, and that is weird.

My favorite post of yours by far and that is saying a lot because I heart you. My moment...my almost 2O month old son hold my face with both of his hands and saying, "Pretty Mommy, Pretty, Love you." My heart totally melted. Moments like this happen everyday. You can ask most of the people who know me I have been through more shit that a village of people but my glass is overflowing. My favorite song is that Dave Matthews/kenny Chesney song, "I'm Alive" ----So damn easy to say that life's so hardEverybody's got their share of battle scarsAs for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars that I'm alive and well

It'd be easy to add up all the painAnd all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flamesDwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rainBut not me... I'm alive

And today you know that's good enough for meBreathing in and out's a blessing can't you seeToday's the first day of the rest of my lifeAnd I'm alive and wellI'm alive and well

Stars are dancin' on the water here tonightIt's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sightThis motor's caught its wind and brought me back to lifeNow I'm alive and well

And today you know that's good enough for me Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you seeToday's the first day of the rest of my lifeNow I'm alive and wellYeah I'm alive and well

Chelsea - This is the first post of yours that I have read, and I am very impressed. You are 100% right about the feeling of wanting to experience and feel "more" all the time, and we forget that something has to make up the gaps of time in between major accomplishments, major pitfalls, etc. Everyone goes through this, even the people that we idolize as having that ideal life that we wish for.

I feel that some bloggers give people the wrong idea about HAVING to quit your job and head overseas. Many people havent visited the cool places within a short drive of their home, and yet they think that moving to Asia will fix all their problems. Travel is a great experience, and I have done more of it than most, but it is NOT a cure-all or a substitute for everything else in life. It should be a healthy part of it.

martin- thank you so much, that was such a lovely comment that made me feel like I really got my point across :) I have to say, I'm a mix between what you described and what I wrote about- I am my own boss and I have gone overseas and shit. yes. i've quit many a job. but i understand that that isn't how it NEEDS to be....and sometimes I even get ahead of myself and feel like I need more. And you're right, it isn't a cure-all even after it's done for many they'll find a way to be dissatisfied yet again. Not all, but many. I've been and am sometimes that person... When, I should, first of all be grateful for where I've already been....and where I'm going- but also for this moment. now. :) There's a balance. Thanks for reading! :)