She’s a Player

It goes like this: “She stabbed him with her wicked pretty knife, disrupted his simple life. She’s a player, a heartbreaker, and now she breaks alone.” *

I used to tell myself I’m not a player. Not of this kind, anyway. But then I thought – life is like a game, so we are all players, of all kinds. For me, part of this game is to put myself in some other player’s shoes to feel (at least in some measure) what it’s like to be, for a few hours… somebody else. Alongtime, this has developed my empathy and it helped me not to judge some players who played differently than me.

One of these other players is the so-called „heart-breaking chick”.

I’m not saying that I haven’t put any man in unhappiness, but I haven’t done it on purpose. And I know there are some women who find a special kind of pleasure by doing it. I know it, because I happen to know some of them. And I happen to be one of their crying shoulders when things go wrong.

So, for a couple of hours, I have tried to feel what they are feeling while doing this. And along with the feeling, I also put some clothes on me (doh), a motorcycle between my legs and a cigar between my lips. As you can see, the photos are taken in summertime – and this winter post is also designed to warm up a little bit the atmosphere with some sun rays, which are always shining on the inside, no matter how cold the outside weather may be.

I’m telling you shortly what I’ve felt, because the photos speak more: I’ve felt freedom and power. A Lana del Rey-like state of soul:

„My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality, just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean… I was born to be the other woman. Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone. Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me. Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy. But I am free.”

And of course I know that the pleasure obtained by hurting the opposite sex comes from an inner insecurity and lack of love for yourself (well-hidden under a narcissistic mask). And this kind of power hides in fact a great weakness. I can tell you now that this joy of knowing you can hurt the feelings of others and you can actually do it is a superficial joy, it’s a drug which matches the drug of those who like to suffer and be punished. But this is part of life’s game. I tried this role for a few hours and got happy out of it. Happy because I felt what a person designed like this may feel, and happy because I didn’t judged the person anymore. I only felt love, compassion and understanding.

We are here to learn and experience. We can do this also by playing a role that isn’t ours in Life’s game.It is fun, for us and for those who know us. Of course it’s also funny to run into total strangers when you are „someone else” and see how much the image influences what they think about you and how you can influence the outside environment by wearing some clothes with the correspondent attitude. And by doing this you can better understand how people who are really playing that role for their life feel when they are judged and not loved for being what they are. It can deepen your understanding – when you are dressed like that and behaving „freely” and a guy or girl calls after you: „slut!”, how do you feel? How would you react? Would you better understand now the reactions of those girls you have judged before in your mind, putting on their personality the same „sticker”?

Playing roles for fun also brings along understanding and love, if you are doing it with the right mind setting. It helps you to develop yourself. And it helps you to better understand what you truly are. Because all of us have a mixture of everything within, it’s just that the proportions are different and manifest in different ways. We are all One.

I leave you with one of Lana’s songs and I say: Love yourself and Love everything and everybody as they are. You are not doing it for the rest of the world, you are doing it for yourself and the first to benefit from this positive egotism is of course you, but nonetheless your friends and the entire world. Let the games begin!