Sunday, October 25, 2009

The title alone gets your attention if you've ever been to Children's Hospital ER. I went rode with my aunt, her daughter in-law and granddaughter to the ER Sat. night. I've never been so this was an experience for me. Sadiebug is alright and home but the 4 hours there gave me some great material. I can't make this up.

First the tirage nurse was a huge butt (keeping it as clean as possible). Sadie got sick when we walked in and he was just a jerk. We told him 2x there was a mess on the floor and he didn't seem to care. He didn't even answer me when I asked where the bathroom was a lady in the waiting room told me. It did turn out to be a good thing she got sick as they took her back immediatly. Since there can only be 2 adults back there at a time, I sent my aunt on back which left me to people watch. I love to people watch, not engage in any conversation just watch. I never knew you could see so much at an ER. First up the rednecks: Now I totally understand that if you are taking your child to the ER you've more than likely scooped them up and left but when it's freezing outside change out of your husbands boxer shorts or put sweat pants on over them. Your child's small blanket is not going to cover you. You are going to be there for a while. The husband wanted everyone to know what he was saying as he spoke so loud. No one cares keep it to yourself. Next up: bringing your entire family, extended cousins included, to the ER. One family had atleast 15 members in attendance including 2 boys around 5 or 6. Their momma looked ready to hit the clubs later. While I was in the bathroom washing Sadie's jacket, I didn't shut the door completely only to have one of the boys enter and shut the door leaving us in there together. I was like hold up, I'm not going to be shut up in a bathroom with a child I don't know! So i go and open the door and he tells me he just wants to wash his hands. I'm getting out of there as fast as I can with a soaking wet jacket. A member of his family comes over and through her gritted teeth tells him to come on. Whew! 3rd: The ER is strictly for emergencies, if your child would rather be up running around playing then you might not need to be there. Example: A lady and her 3 children. I do not know which child she was there for but they were all wanting to run around and it's going on 10pm. She even told one to "sit your ass down" and let me tell you he did. 4th: Chatty Cathy. No one but the toothless friend with you cares that your husband didn't want to come with you. The ER is not therapy. This lady moved on from person to person like this was happy hour! The lady with the 3 kids just couldn't shake her! She also wanted everyone to know her business. She spoke to the entire waiting room when she talked. It was scary to know she had reproduced. For the longest time I didn't know who the mommy was and thought maybe the baby had 2 mommies. She drove me nuts!! I finally did what the man that was sitting next to her did, close my eyes. I thought maybe I can tune her out. I heard about how she was so glad she didn't have to put him in daycare especially at____ cause of what they did to her. The would hit you with a wooden spoon and deny it if asked. I heard about her baby's sleeping schedule. I was so close to telling her to shut up when it was time for us to leave. It was about to get real ugly!

The ER is not a place you really make friends. There is sickness and worried parents that are focused on their child. Leave them alone!!

Whew! What a weekend. I know I've left some out. I'll have to come back to them as I remember.

I tell you...it's hard being a single gal... I can find entertainment in the simplest things. For instance, a trip to the local Wal-Mart. I do not like going to the one closest to me but had to on this lovely Friday night. As I am standing in line to pick up my prescription and reading a trash magazine someone had discarded, I hear this loud voice behind me. I know she had to be loud as my ears were stopped up at the time. I tried to ignore her but it was just too hard. I turned around and come face to face with Alabama's version of Beth Chapman, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife. She was decked out in, well, I'm not really sure how to describe it but I'll try. Some sort of combat boots with her knit pants tucked into them, a sweat shirt (I'm sure it was either an Alabama or Auburn) and covered in gold, as in jewelry. She put Mr. T to shame! It was a train wreck I could not look away from. Rings on every finger and at least 20 chains. I was in awe! Then I heard "next", which was me and I had to move on and pick up my Rx. She left me with a lot of questions: 1. does your neck hurt? 2. how long does it take you to put all of that on or do you just never take it off? 3. If you never take the jewels off how do you sleep without getting chocked? The list goes on...

I moved on and went to the grocery side and low and behold there she is again. Was this fate telling me I should ask all these questions? I don't think so as I was not about to get jumped in Wally World. She did seem to match the others in her party so I figured it was her normal attire.

I made my way to the check with an ever so friendly cashier and look up to see the best mullet I've ever seen on a gay man. Make that the only mullet I've seen on a gay man. Major business in the front but oh the party in the back!! He works there so I can now see it any time I want. I thought to myself a trip to Wal-Mart doesn't get any better but I spoke to soon. When I'm leaving I'm scanning the crowd and see the BIGGEST hair I've seen since 1985. My thoughts are that she's getting ready for Halloween but then I thought no, her perm fried hair is well, how she wears it. I saw her hair a good 5 min before I saw her. Good times, good times.

I've got to start getting pictures to go along with all of the sightings I keep seeing. I don't want to make it so obvious that I'm taking their picture. I promise to work on it.