(Disc scratches in)
Jimmy Fallon: See, that's what college is all about, man you gotta love college, man it's the best thing in the world. You drink, you have fun, you do the Walk of Shame.
(Crowd cheers)
Jimmy Fallon: Yeah! You gotta do the Walk of Shame! For those of you who don't know what the Walk of Shame is, that's when you hook up with someone the night before and you have to walk all the way across campus all dishevelled the next morning, in the same clothes.
(Crowd cheers some more)
Jimmy Fallon: (Higher voice) Oh no, no, I was over at the libray, I was over... I stayed overnight, overnight studying.
(Crowd laughs)
Jimmy Fallon: You go to your dorm in the morning, there's like a line of kids waiting to get to the shower. It's like, bunch of zombies just walking, uh-uh-uh. The guy with the flip-flops is beating everybody. (Flip-flop sounds) He's got his little basket of stuff with him.
(Crowd laughs)
Jimmy Fallon: You have to have your little shower basket of stuff. This little baskets holds, like, your shampoo, your soap, your loofa.
(Crowd cheers)
Jimmy Fallon: And girls have, like, this nice loofa. It's like this little mesh, pink loofa. Takes off your dead skin, it's really nice. No, for guys we have the option, we have, like, this French bread lookin' loofa that rips out your ass hair. Yeah, thank you very much. Ow, ow! (Scratching sounds) Ow, ow! Walking back to my dorm, everyone's like, "Hey Jim, nice tan!" I'm like, "It's my third layer of skin!" (Crowd laughs) "I just over-loofa'd. Call the doctor. The wind hurts me, who's got the window open? Shut it!"
(Crowd cheers and laughs as the track scratches out)