Sunday July 8th

Mad to be out in the middle of nowhere. Frustrated cause my feet were on fire and toes felt like they were going to fall off.

I was an absolute basket case full of tears, my anxiety, my depression, my self-doubt, all showed up to the party and I could not get out of my own way.

Totally spent, totally challenged, there was nothing I could do – my self mantras were of no help, my songs and conversations with God seemed to get lost in my emotions, tears streamed down my face. That day I felt like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum and didn’t know why. I threw my poles down, I sat down and pouted. Did it help, no! Did I feel better, NO!

Today was day three, it was truly a mind over matter kind of day and my head was truly pissed off, my body ached all over and both were in total conflict and neither was winning.

But onward my feet moved me forward, seven plus miles on rock and more rock. I have always had a cool relationship with rocks, but not today. My toes were challenged, my ankles pitched left and right and my core which should have been in charge took the day off while I struggled stabilizing myself on the hiking poles.

The knees were not happy campers plus the twenty some old pounds on my back urged me onward. Up rocks, scrambling on my hands. Down on my backside sliding toward some solid surface to catch me from falling off the mountain. I persevered and there was no road out. All I wanted was to put my feet in the grass.

The rocks moved and shifted under my feet. Every step the body moved and sway to stabilize and venture forward. My angel and trail partner recognized my distress and before I wanted to admit it, found a rock and told me to have a seat. She was calm and focused and acknowledged my breakdown. Encouraged food and water and wasn’t fazed by the tears. The day was still difficult. The day still kicked my ass. But with a full belly and knowing the gazillion calories I burned today. I could sleep well knowing we all have meltdowns but those individuals that stand by your side and support you are the good ones.