Sunday, January 25, 2015

As children we mindless sat and watched cartoons and movies that revolved around similar plots. We learned quickly that it is bad versus evil, and good always prevails. We are taught that it is always the strong versus the weak, and any weak person can be saved by the strong. A person in distress can be saved by a super hero. But who saves the superheroes? Super heroes are great role models for children, heck, even for adults. Brave, strong, selfless people who would do anything for anyone at anytime. Our whole lives we have been taught to idolize strong people, and take pity on the weak. We strive to be superheroes, each and every one of us. We may not be able to fly or become invisible, but, we all possess the qualities that are characterized by superheroes. We all have super powers, whether it is being able to make someone laugh in any situation, or dry someone's tears when they are crying. We all possess the ability to be a superhero.
I may not be a superhero, but, I can identify with an ordinary person when presented with a crisis or difficult situation, can find the power within to triumph over it. My entire life I have been a fighter. I have overcome many hard times and struggles and became a better person because of each and every obstacle presented to me. I pride myself on being a strong individual, on being optimistic and able to remain positive even when faced with difficult situations. Being strong is a wonderful quality one can possess, but a tiring one. There comes a time when even superheroes need saving. I debated long and hard about this post. But, as I debated, it dawned on me. This is a blog to capture what to expect when you are not expecting. I did expect to feel every and all emotions; sometimes more than one at a time. I expected to be stressed, to be upset, to be angry, to cry, to laugh. I didn't expect to feel so overwhelmed, anxiety ridden, and like I was drowning in a sea of my own emotions. I decided to share my struggle as a way to throw out the life preserver. I found myself having a difficult time wanting to do the things I enjoyed, avoiding people and social situations. Each moment of despair was validated by a useless reason; "the holidays are hard without my Mom", "seeing pregnancy announcements upset me", "My husband being laid off is stressful;". While all of these reasons may be justifiable, they are no reason to become withdrawn or having panic attacks. I was angry at myself for being so sad when I had so much to be happy for. A new marriage, a new house, a new dog. The things I had longed for my whole life are finally here and instead of dancing around with glee, I was sitting in pajamas on my couch alone watching Glee. I told myself it was a phase, that I would snap out of it. Fighters do that, they don't tap out. So, like many other times, I kept fighting. Why was I trying so very hard to fight a battle within myself? I convinced myself that I was strong, stronger than what I was feeling. How could I have been through all I had so far and be this weak? Because if you aren't strong, you are weak, right? If you aren't the superhero doing the saving then that makes you the weak being saved? Wrong. So very wrong.
In keeping up with my strong persona, I did the strongest thing I could think of. I sought help. Life is stressful, and there are so many things that we simply do not have the ability to control. With medication, it helps with the stress of the little things so I can continue to focus on the big. I have been so conditoned to believe that one can not be defined as strong if they are acting so weak. When in reality, the strongest people I know are those who know how to handle any situation, and how to survive. There is nothing weak at all about admitting you have a problem, and the bravest, most courageous thing anyone can ever do is find a solution for it.

I shared this story, my story, to remind us all that everyone is fighting something. It may not be a villain you can see. Sometimes the hardest villains to overcome are the ones within. The ones we all put on our masks to fight, walk around smiling and playing the role while inside we are fighting something no one else can see.
Remember, even a super hero needs help tying his cape ;)