Seth Kleinschmidt

With our campus recently filled with dialogues of divestment, sexual assault, and same-sex marriage, I can imagine that you are looking for a respite from the demanding life of a university president, a job that requires you to curate a safe, empowering environment for thousands of brilliant students, taking into account our needs and social awareness.

Unfortunately, I cannot give you that respite.

You see, I’ve kept another pressing issue locked up inside me. It started as a joke, then suddenly became real, in a cataclysm of fiery, uncouth emotions: confusion, anger, astonishment. You have left me reeling, Christina.

I speak, of course, of your Batman endorsement.

I can sense a shocked denial approaching. Nay, you are on record. Last winter, during a UCS “Fireside Chat” — Ah! what pleasant names we give the propagation of evil! — you offended a nation.

Back in the 1940s, all of America lived in fear of Joe McCarthy and his monstrous pet, HUAC. Get caught buying a book of Russian poetry? Must be a Red spy. Profess your love for cute Siberian tigers? Must be a Red spy. Wear a lovely red sun dress out on the town? Enjoy your treason trial, shithead.

Say hi to Alger Hiss in the mess hall, Timmy

McCarthy saw a Soviet mole in every man, woman, and unborn child. In his mind, America was overrun with hidden agents, its airwaves filled with the insidious murmurs of foreign operatives disguised as blue-blooded Yanks. During the Cold War, these moles were largely figments of Old Joe’s hyperactive loyalty to the Stars and Stripes. He persevered, though, and at one hearing famously shouted, “I have here in my hand a list of two hundred and five people that were known to the Secretary of State as being members of the Communist Party!”

The import of this may be lost on modern students, so I’ve worked out an easy translation into 21st century terms: “I’m holding a raisin-filled Blue Room cinnamon roll!” Continue Reading

The shoo-ins: Not many potential first-round upsets here. Both Middle Tennessee and St. Mary’s are pretty dangerous for First Four teams, so they might give Memphis a run for their money, but I’m going all top seeds in the first round. Don’t listen to any talk about Valparaiso as a potential Cinderella, Tom Izzo has the Spartans way too well-prepared—he always does—for them to lose so early.

The upsets: Creighton over Duke, second round. I’m sorry, I can’t help but root against Coach K and whoever happens to be playing for him. This is how much I don’t like Duke. Makes my day every time. For real, though, Doug McDermott has been averaging 23.1 points per game (2nd in Division I) with a near 50% 3-point shooting percentage. He’s my pick for mid-major breakout player of the tournament (see below). Also, as I mentioned before, Memphis might have trouble with its play-in opponent, but this is sadly a kind of boring bracket, especially compared with the South. Though Oregon is the Pac-12 champ, I don’t think this is the 5-12 upset to pick.

Player to watch: Wooden Award finalist Doug McDermott of Creighton. Just like Jimmer and Gordon Hayward before him, this guy is due to become a household name. Don’t expect him to carry the Bluejays to the national championship, but they might have an upset or two in them.

Regional champ: There are three perennial superpowers in this region, but Louisville isn’t #1 overall for nothing. The team is coming off a huge Big East Tournament victory over Syracuse, and there aren’t many teams who can stop them. Look for them to bounce Michigan State in the Elite 8 and maybe even take the whole thing.

The conservative color palette indicates a sensitivity to the classical modes of solstice representation throughout Western art, resonating strongly with the self-consciously kitschy poetry thatAAAHHH FINALS HAVE SUCKED OUT MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ART NOOOOis it a pointed abstraction of the Saturday Evening Post’s celebration of a hyper-rural Middle America? Possibly, although the snowflakesMUST FIGHT THIScubic aggregations in the midst of random pixelated scatter, evade most attempts at locating this work within any sphere but that of the nu-digital. This juxtaposiGAAAHHHHH IT’S TOO LATE FINALS YOU ARE KILLING ME

It’s clear that finals are destroying our minds, making it difficult to remember that an absurdly long break is approaching rapidly, like a goat about to charge down a toddler at a petting zoo. We at BlogDailyHerald have semi-journalistic plans for the next couple weeks, along with vast machinations for winter break involving copious amounts of sleep and eggnog. But hey, we’ve got to keep ourselves energetic as we power through the last days of soul-numbing work, so let’s rave about our plans for the next 40 days, shall we?

How are you going to spend your precious days of freedom over Winter Break?

I didn't know they made internships this short, but hey -- might as well pad the resume...

Damn you, Netflix...I wanted to get work done...

I'm applying to jobs! ...After I finish this plate of homemade cookies.

This month-long Mayan apocalypse after-party will be KILLER

The goal right now is to eat a different Frito-Lay product each day

I'm a simple person with simple tastes..all I want is a clean load of laundry for the first time this month

Senior checking in...break is just an extension of my thesis independent study

Let’s just pause and think about this sentence: “The animation consists of four frames showing the Bleach anime character Orihime Inoue twirling a Welsh onion, set to a 27-second loop from the song [‘Ievan Polkka’].”

Hmmm.

Don’t ask. Trust me. (Okay, fine, if you want to ask, here’s a not at all helpful explanation).

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