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hillary clinton: the psycho ex-girlfriend of the democratic party

As many of you know, I'm an enthusiastic Barack Obama supporter. I have never been so excited or inspired by a candidate -- or, really, any leader -- in my life, and I view this election as an historical opportunity -- maybe even a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity -- to not only save my country from the disaster wrought by Bush and Cheney, but fundamentally change how my government interacts with the rest of the world, and how it works for me and my fellow Americans.

Knowing all of that, I'm sure it will come as no surprise that over the last 10 weeks or so, I've gone from respecting to feeling sorry for to actively despising Hillary Clinton.

It's over. She knows it's over. It's been over for almost three months, but she's been moving the goalposts and cynically and cravenly pandering to voters in a way that's not only insulting, but is embarrassing. John Cole frequently says that he can't believe he ever supported Bush, and I can now join him in saying that I can't believe I ever supported, defended and believed in the Clintons.

The thing about all of this is that, with a Clinton victory in the primary about as likely as jumping off the roof of your house and landing on the moon, it's become clear that this whole thing isn't about Democrats or beating McCain (who is inexplicably running for Bush's third term) or saving our country from the catastrophic failure of the Bush years. No, it's all about her. It's about her ego. It's about refusing to admit that she did her best, but voters (except those encouraged by Rush Limbaugh to cross party lines and fuck with our primary) have pretty clearly said "No thanks. You're a good senator, but we want something different now."

It's been crystal clear for weeks, yet she refuses to put party and country over personal ambition and drop out of the race, forcing Barack Obama to not only run against McCain and the Media, but also against her. It's particularly galling, because she can only win if her campaign can force Democratic superdelegates (one of the worst creations in the history of politics) to tell millions of Democratic voters -- many of them first time voters who, like me, finally feel truly inspired by someone -- to go fuck themselves.

It's driving me crazy, and I hope that someone sits her down with a calculator so she'll make this primary that is just strengthening McCain -- who, I feel obligated to point out again, is running for Bush's third term. That would be George W. Bush, the most universally hated president in American history.

It's 2:31 AM. The Democratic Party is sleeping peacefully when it hears
its phone buzz on the night stand. It rolls over and sees "Hillary" on
the caller ID. It pauses briefly, considering pushing "END" and not
dealing with this shit tonight. The thought is appealing but the
Democratic Party knows that if it doesn't take this call, another one
is only minutes away.

DEMS: ...Hello?

Hillary: Hey baby.

DEMS: C'mon Hillary. Enough with this.

Hillary: Don't you get it? You NEED me.

DEMS: No, I don't. It was fun while it lasted but I'm with Barack now. I made my choice, it's done.

Hillary: You can't really mean that. How can you say that after all the good times we had?

DEMS: To be honest, I started hanging out with you because Bill's pretty awesome.

I hope that, after the crushing defeat in North Carolina and few thousand vote "victory" in Indiana, the undeclared superdelegates (again, the absolute worst idea in the history of politics) will respect the will of the people and commit to Obama, so we can all focus on introducing the real John McCain -- not a Maverick, not a nice guy, not an honest guy, not a regular guy, not substantially different from George W. Bush in any meaningful way -- to the American people.

And allow me to just head something off right now that's already come up on Twitter: I'm not sexist. This isn't sexist. That's a stupid straw man, and if you try to make that claim, I will point and laugh at you.

Update: Here, let me try this one more time for the humorless and professional victims out there, who seem to have shown up in a flood today: Gender, race, sexual orientation, things that make us different that we don't choose . . . they just don't matter to me. At all. People are people and identity politics is stupid.

I found this post hilarious because it satirized the behavior of an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend/ex-robot who just refuses to accept that it's over. I've had a psycho ex-girlfriend. My friends who are women have had psycho ex-boyfriends. In all cases, the behavior has been exactly like the behavior satirized in the post I linked. Get it? Get it? I'm talking to you now, people without a sense of humor: It. Is. Not. About. The. Gender. It. Is. About. The. Behavior. The Behavior. The Behavior.

Everyone get it now? Am I spelling it out simply enough for you? Let's all say it together. Use a puppet if it helps: It's about the behavior. It is not about the gender.

That's the whole point, that's the humor, that's what inspired me to link this post. If you're unwilling or unable to understand this . . . well, anything I'd say now would waste even more of my time, so I'll go back to pointing and laughing.

Final update:

Well, I'm just going to throw up my hands here. I've made it as abundantly clear as I possibly can that I don't care about Clinton's gender, and I don't have a problem with women. What I *do* care aboutis watching a woman I once respected degenerate into a Republicanesque Karl Rove monstrosity in a Quixotic effort to destroy a candidate I believe in. What I care about is beating John McCain in November so we can start to put our country back together.

If you want to boycott me, go nuts. As a life-long activist, I understand and totally support the concept of voting with your pocketbook and voting with your feet.

But stop telling me who I am and what I think and feel. I know what I was thinking when I wrote this, and it's not what many of you have accused me of.

I'm not going to waste any more time on this, and I'm locking comments on this post. May I suggest that you take whatever energy you'd use to tell me what a terrible person I am and use it to put some good into the world instead.

Writing to your congresscritter and demanding an end to the war would probably be a good place to start.

Comments

hillary clinton: the psycho ex-girlfriend of the democratic party

As many of you know, I'm an enthusiastic Barack Obama supporter. I have never been so excited or inspired by a candidate -- or, really, any leader -- in my life, and I view this election as an historical opportunity -- maybe even a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity -- to not only save my country from the disaster wrought by Bush and Cheney, but fundamentally change how my government interacts with the rest of the world, and how it works for me and my fellow Americans.

Knowing all of that, I'm sure it will come as no surprise that over the last 10 weeks or so, I've gone from respecting to feeling sorry for to actively despising Hillary Clinton.

It's over. She knows it's over. It's been over for almost three months, but she's been moving the goalposts and cynically and cravenly pandering to voters in a way that's not only insulting, but is embarrassing. John Cole frequently says that he can't believe he ever supported Bush, and I can now join him in saying that I can't believe I ever supported, defended and believed in the Clintons.

The thing about all of this is that, with a Clinton victory in the primary about as likely as jumping off the roof of your house and landing on the moon, it's become clear that this whole thing isn't about Democrats or beating McCain (who is inexplicably running for Bush's third term) or saving our country from the catastrophic failure of the Bush years. No, it's all about her. It's about her ego. It's about refusing to admit that she did her best, but voters (except those encouraged by Rush Limbaugh to cross party lines and fuck with our primary) have pretty clearly said "No thanks. You're a good senator, but we want something different now."

It's been crystal clear for weeks, yet she refuses to put party and country over personal ambition and drop out of the race, forcing Barack Obama to not only run against McCain and the Media, but also against her. It's particularly galling, because she can only win if her campaign can force Democratic superdelegates (one of the worst creations in the history of politics) to tell millions of Democratic voters -- many of them first time voters who, like me, finally feel truly inspired by someone -- to go fuck themselves.

It's driving me crazy, and I hope that someone sits her down with a calculator so she'll make this primary that is just strengthening McCain -- who, I feel obligated to point out again, is running for Bush's third term. That would be George W. Bush, the most universally hated president in American history.

It's 2:31 AM. The Democratic Party is sleeping peacefully when it hears
its phone buzz on the night stand. It rolls over and sees "Hillary" on
the caller ID. It pauses briefly, considering pushing "END" and not
dealing with this shit tonight. The thought is appealing but the
Democratic Party knows that if it doesn't take this call, another one
is only minutes away.

DEMS: ...Hello?

Hillary: Hey baby.

DEMS: C'mon Hillary. Enough with this.

Hillary: Don't you get it? You NEED me.

DEMS: No, I don't. It was fun while it lasted but I'm with Barack now. I made my choice, it's done.

Hillary: You can't really mean that. How can you say that after all the good times we had?

DEMS: To be honest, I started hanging out with you because Bill's pretty awesome.

I hope that, after the crushing defeat in North Carolina and few thousand vote "victory" in Indiana, the undeclared superdelegates (again, the absolute worst idea in the history of politics) will respect the will of the people and commit to Obama, so we can all focus on introducing the real John McCain -- not a Maverick, not a nice guy, not an honest guy, not a regular guy, not substantially different from George W. Bush in any meaningful way -- to the American people.

And allow me to just head something off right now that's already come up on Twitter: I'm not sexist. This isn't sexist. That's a stupid straw man, and if you try to make that claim, I will point and laugh at you.

Update: Here, let me try this one more time for the humorless and professional victims out there, who seem to have shown up in a flood today: Gender, race, sexual orientation, things that make us different that we don't choose . . . they just don't matter to me. At all. People are people and identity politics is stupid.

I found this post hilarious because it satirized the behavior of an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend/ex-robot who just refuses to accept that it's over. I've had a psycho ex-girlfriend. My friends who are women have had psycho ex-boyfriends. In all cases, the behavior has been exactly like the behavior satirized in the post I linked. Get it? Get it? I'm talking to you now, people without a sense of humor: It. Is. Not. About. The. Gender. It. Is. About. The. Behavior. The Behavior. The Behavior.

Everyone get it now? Am I spelling it out simply enough for you? Let's all say it together. Use a puppet if it helps: It's about the behavior. It is not about the gender.

That's the whole point, that's the humor, that's what inspired me to link this post. If you're unwilling or unable to understand this . . . well, anything I'd say now would waste even more of my time, so I'll go back to pointing and laughing.

Final update:

Well, I'm just going to throw up my hands here. I've made it as abundantly clear as I possibly can that I don't care about Clinton's gender, and I don't have a problem with women. What I *do* care aboutis watching a woman I once respected degenerate into a Republicanesque Karl Rove monstrosity in a Quixotic effort to destroy a candidate I believe in. What I care about is beating John McCain in November so we can start to put our country back together.

If you want to boycott me, go nuts. As a life-long activist, I understand and totally support the concept of voting with your pocketbook and voting with your feet.

But stop telling me who I am and what I think and feel. I know what I was thinking when I wrote this, and it's not what many of you have accused me of.

I'm not going to waste any more time on this, and I'm locking comments on this post. May I suggest that you take whatever energy you'd use to tell me what a terrible person I am and use it to put some good into the world instead.

Writing to your congresscritter and demanding an end to the war would probably be a good place to start.