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We were watching Judge Judy last night and a woman apparently had enough of her musician roommate and started beating him with his guitar collection. The judge asked, "First offender?" and she said, "No, first a Gibson then a Fender."

Driver: “Sir, I don’t smoke cigarettes, don’t even drink soda! I’ve been in my home all night with my mom and she's the most fervently religious woman you ever knew! That cop over there must be messing with you! He told you I was drunk, took drugs, was armed and a drug dealer, and had kidnapped someone? What else? That I was speeding too?”