After two weeks in hospital, and one of my scariest flare ups, I finally came home today. It was a slightly confusing turn of events, as on Thursday they were talking about me going to a mobility rehabilitation centre for a time and then suddenly the arrangements were being made for me to go home, even though everyone seemed to have different ideas about whether I was ready for this. After a lot of discussion, I made the decision that I would rather be at home to continue my recovery as I didn’t really see what more could be done for me as an inpatient, now my pain was controlled and I’d had all the relevent procedures. I’m lucky to have good support and facilities at home, plus they have arranged for me to have home physio and an assessment by the Occupational therapists to see if there is anything more I would benefit from.

My elbow had been the main factor holding me back once my hips were sorted, as it became swollen, restricted and very painful – especially when needing to bear weight through it to use the walker/crutches. My Rheumy came to examine it and found more inflammation and fluid around the joint, so I had this injected with cortisone too, which should settle it down and give me more movement and use of that left arm. I tried the stairs with crutches for the first time and although it was hard going, I think I can manage doing it once a day until I’m strong enough to try more. One important factor that has been reinstilled with me during my hospital stay is just how important it is to keep moving, even through pain and inflammation, and this is something I will be posting about once I catch up on everything.

The past two weeks have been a real eye opener for me in many different ways, so I have lots to post about. The wordpress format seems to have changed while I was away, but I’m hoping that once I figure it out I will be able to backdate posts relating to my stay, while updating with current issues as before. The reason I feel the need to backdate is that this blog also forms a record of my disease activity, which is useful for myself (and hopefully others) to look back on. I was making notes on paper during my stay, so hopefully will be able to keep it accurate.

It feels really good to be home and I’m confident that it will speed up my recovery; little things like needing to use steps to visit my little furbaby Jasper will encourage me to do so daily and even trips to the toilet provide more exercise than having a toilet in my room. I just have to remember to go as soon as I need to as it takes me about 15 minutes to get there with my walker and I’ve had a few close calls already!

Finally, thank you to everybody who visited, sent cards and messages of support to me while I was away. It makes all the difference in the world to dealing with all this and I count myself very lucky to have you all.

Today was a rather confusing day. I woke up in a lot more pain than usual and several jonts in my arms had started to swell and seize up again; not surprising when I was having to bear my weight through them when using the zimmer frame to walk about. Disappointingly, I needed more help than I had done over the past couple of days and the nurses soon noticed and assured me they’d get in touch with my doctors and the Pain team.

Late morning, the Physios arrived to see me. Despite my painful arm joints, I had to keep on using the zimmer as the ‘lesser of two evils’; I couldn’t come this far in building up my walking, only to let my hard work go down the drain to protect my arms. Plus I was making progress. Since the cortisone injection in my hip the previous day, I was finally able to lift that stubborn left foot of the floor a few centimetres and take a proper step. This did a lot to reassure me that I would get normal function back, because I was still very worried it would be lost at this point.

The Physios had their concerns too: now that I’d had the procedure to my hip, the rest of my recovery was down to rehabilitation and they mentioned that I was due to go to a Residential Mobility Rehabilitation Unit for a few weeks. However, although I’d benefit pysically, they said that because of my age various people felt that it might not be the best place for me emotionally, being mainly old people there. Instead, they had put the suggestion forward to provide the same support within my own home, which to me sounded much better. But I knew I had to have that support in place straight away, because I wouldn’t be able to manage on my own and they agreed. They left shortly afterwards, telling me that they would communicate my thoughts and, if it was agreed that I could avoid the Rehab Centre, would start putting the ‘home plan’ into action. They would see me on Monday to make a start on using crutches.

I have to admit, I was a little worried that I’d end up at the Rehabilitation Centre; my Nan had spent time in one, so I had a clear image of what they were like. It sounded promising that I’d get the support at home though and nothing was going to happen just yet, so I tried not to think about it too much. My main concern for now was to sort my elbow and shoulder joints out, so they wouldn’t prevent me from using the zimmer and carrying on with my walking. The day passed as normal; then, at some point in the afternoon, a doctor I hadn’t seen before came to see me. I assumed that he was one of my Consultant’s juniors, come to assess my joints and pain, (which was quite severe by this point), but instead he declared that I was free to go home!

I was a bit stunned as he left the room. Obviously, it was great news that I could go home, but only hours earlier I had been facing the prospect of a Rehab Centre and talking about my next Physio session on Monday…. then again, it was Friday and I know how they like to clear people out before the weekend if possible! A nurse came in to tell me that my medication was all ready and I asked her all the questions I hadn’t managed to get out with the Doctor: mainly about the support I would receive at home. This wasn’t something she’d been aware of and so she left to chase it up, returning to say that I could only leave when that was arranged and the appropriate equipment provided.

A lot of confusion ensued.

The Physios returned and weren’t very happy that it was all happening so sudden and fast – they had a few hours, last thing on a Friday afternoon, to liase with a different County Trust about providing my care at home – something that proved very difficult, taking over a week to put in place – and to get me up on crutches, ready for home. I was already struggling with the zimmer, but putting weight through my locked elbow using crutches was agony; I knew so and they knew so, but it seemed I just had to grit my teeth and get on with it. I didn’t manage very well – a couple of steps – and the stairs were a nightmare that drove me to tears, but by this point I felt so confused and frustrated with the situation that I just wanted to go home. The Physios had their doubts but the decision had already been made..

Back on the ward, nurses and auxilliaries kept popping in to say their goodbyes. Eventually, my Rheumatologist came to see me and the whole situation suddenly felt too much. Here I was, feeling worse than I had been, unable to do much for myself or to use the crutches to get around and yet being sent home all of a sudden; moreover, I was being told different things by different people about whether I was ready to be home or not. And so I got a bit emotional. I don’t really remember what bothered me the most, I think that was probably the issue – I didn’t know what I felt myself anymore – just bewildered.

My Rheumy explained that I wasn’t actually admitted under his care (as I had come via A&E), but the care of the doctor who had visited me earlier, and it was this doctor’s decision to discharge me. He also explained that now they’d done the procedure, there was little else they could do for me in hospital, but that he was happy to request I stay until Monday if I felt I needed it in order to cope better. But who asks to stay in hospital? If they thought I was well enough to go home, I wanted to go home! Aslong as I had the support they had promised in place. He took a look at my joints before he left for the weekend. There was nothing he could do about the shoulders, since they had only been injected the previous week, but he agreed that we should inject the left elbow. This elbow has troubled me for some time now, swells painfully and locks at an angle, but doesn’t respond very well to cortisone injections; however, it was worth a shot (excuse the pun) if it gave me a better chance with the crutches.

In the end, they weren’t able to provide me with the equipment I needed for home that night and so I had to wait for it the next day. It somehow made staying there harder than it had been, but at least I knew I would be home soon and it gave me a little bit of extra time to practice using the crutches.

I was right to be worried though. Even then, I didn’t realise quite how hard a transition it would be to go home, but we would do it and manage.

Thanks to the cortisone injection in my knee on Thursday, the inflammation is settling down. I can bend it more and am no longer hobbling along like a penguin (or at least less so, I haven’t had chance to test myself out of the house yet). I’m also getting better at stairs, although I’m still slow because of my sore hip, but maybe that will settle down soon too.

After missing my Rheumatologist at my infusion on Thursday, it was nice to find an email from him in my inbox this afternoon. He said that my recent test results were much better than they’ve been for a while now, which would be great news if only it reflected how I feel! The fact is, my joints have been feeling pretty terrible – with the ‘usual’ left shoulder and elbow pain / restricted movement, swollen right knee, sore neck and awful pain in my hips that makes me queasy.

So I don’t understand how my blood test results are improving!

Is my body just a bit slow on the uptake?

Hopefully, it is a good sign though, especially with the brief improvement I had after the first infusion. My theory is that once it builds up in my system a bit more this improvement will be more noticeable and long lasting. The drug is obviously having some effect on my body if my blood is showing changes that it hasn’t done before?! Many people with Still’s Disease receive Tocilizumab once a fortnight rather than four-weekly, so perhaps this is an option to consider too.

He also said he’d be happy to see me in clinic if I felt I needed my knee injecting… but now I’m even more tempted to struggle on a bit longer, in case I see some improvement with the Tocilizumab. Otherwise, I might get a false impression of what’s going on joints-wise. Of course, if things get too bad, I’ll be straight on the phone to him because I don’t want to do more harm than good.

L

Edited to add: I’m sure I have a bit more movement in my knee again, I seemed to be managing steps much easier this evening. Fingers crossed!

I don’t know where this week has gone and can’t believe I’ve neglected the blog for so long, it’s not as if I have nothing to write about.

To update you on the Still’s situation I need to go back to mid-September and my last Orencia infusion, which was quite literally my last. My blood test results weren’t looking any better at all and the fact that my knees were swelling for the first time in ten years seemed to prove a point; so, both myself and my rheumy came to the conclusion that Orencia wasn’t effective at treating the majority of my symptoms and never would be. Instead, he decided to put things in motion to start Tocilizumab (RoActemra) at my next appointment if the funding application went through fast enough.

I’m pleased to say that he emailed me at the beginning of the week to let me know that my local PCT has agreed to fund the switch to Tocilizumab and I shall be having my first infusion on Thursday 13th October, on the same ward as I’d been going for the Orencia. I’ve heard a lot of good things about this drug and so I’m trying to keep optimistic, although it’s hard to when I haven’t responded typically in the past.

My joints were in a pretty bad state when I saw him in September too, I was finding it difficult to walk/dress etc and needed a few cortisone injections – there were plenty of joints to choose from but in the end I went with my locked left elbow (hoping that some would travel to the shoulder/wrist) and my right knee (hoping it would help the hip too), which I needed to be up to walking the streets of New York. Thankfully, the injections and a short boost in prednisolone did the trick and there was only one time that I struggled on the trip.

Even the time difference didn’t send things flaring, which I had half expected because I know what a major role my sleep pattern plays in keeping me ‘well’. Usually, I only have to go to bed a few hours later and I suffer the next day – I can’t sleep in as that makes me feel rotten, but even if I did I wouldn’t feel any better. But I managed to say awake for almost 24 hours on both journeys – must have been the steroid rush.

Since being home and reducing my Prednisolone, the aches and pains have slowly started to creep back in but I’m still doing better than I was last month and have been trying to make the most of it by sorting out a few things around the house. I guess it makes things easier knowing that I’ll be trying a different approach next week.

I’ll leave it there for now and promise not to leave it as long in future – there is so much more I need to write about, not to mention catching up on my articles!

Apologies if this post is a bit rough around the edges, but I wrote most of it post-surgery and I’m feeling rough around the edges too!

Infusion days always feel full of hope at first, that today could be the day that things turn around. We arrived on the ward at the normal time and had the usual pre-infusion checks – Blood test, BP, Pulse, Temp etc. The nurse asked about any new symptoms / pains, so I had to mention the stitch-like pain beneath my ribcage, even though it could disappear as fast as it came – there have been no obvious side effects from the Orencia, thankfully. With the cannula fitted easily, it was back to waiting for the test results and the go ahead for pharmacy to mix the infusion.

My rheumatologist came to see me a couple of hours later and I filled him in on how things had been since the last infusion – to cut it short, that I’d been having too many days when I couldn’t even get out of bed on my own and so had increased my Prednisolone to 20mg again, and that I’d been more stable since but still not brilliant. My blood test results told the same story, I was still anaemic with a haemoglobin of 8.3, but there was a slight improvement in my inflammation markers, with my CRP down from 112 to 80ish, thanks to the extra steroid.

For the first time since starting Orencia, I am beginning to lose my enthusiasm for it and my rheumy pretty much admitted the same thing. We both want to give it a full opportunity to work though, so are going to stick with the infusions a bit longer. I mentioned that it has definitely helped with the fatigue, which is the difference that I noticed straight away and what got my hopes up initially, but it just hasn’t reached the joints yet and I’m not sure if it will.

The infusion itself went fine, no line resistance thanks to the vein having time to recover and sticking to those guidelines too of course! I didn’t feel the rush I had felt after my first few infusions but then I’d had a late night and was pretty shattered anyway. I’m trying not to read too much into it, but it is getting harder to believe things could turn around at this point. I just don’t want to be negative but at the same time I need to be realistic.

My next infusion is in three weeks, rather than four, to fit in with my trip to New York, and in the mean time I need to double the dose of Methotrexate to 15mg – ugh. I am definitely not enthusiastic about that but I’m willing to give it a go if it gives the Orencia a better chance. It is still smaller than the dose I was on all those years ago; I just hope I don’t get hit with terrible nausea when things have been so good so far – I don’t want to be sick on the plane or in New York(or anywhere for that matter!)

Speaking of New York, my rheumy seemed really pleased that I was going and said it was one of his favourite places. We made a plan to try and make sure I will be as well as possible for going, including the early infusion and then a couple of joint injections to give me some relief/movement in this left arm, and maybe another increase in the Prednisolone. I felt really pleased that he was supporting me, because it reaffirms that I can’t let the Still’s Disease get in the way of enjoying my life.

So for now, I’m just trying to take it a day at a time and not look too far ahead. Ce sera sera.

As expected, the joint injections are starting to kick in and have given me some relief and better movement all round. I made the most of this by spending time with some good friends this evening, one of whom is on a flying visit from Spain, where she teaches English. It wasn’t a wild affair, we just sat around a bonfire in her back garden chatting and ordered some takeaway food; my first Chinese meal in a long time and only because the restaurant gave the option to prepare food without MSG – it was pretty tasty too.

So my feelings today are that sometimes we do need a little extra help from steroids to control our flares, especially if it gives us the opportunity to do simple things like enjoy good company, relax and forget about having an illness for a change. Spending time with friends can be theraputic in its own way, as they say laughter is the best medicine and I think that the same can be said for hugs too.

My Still’s Life

My name is Laura and I was diagnosed with Still's Disease at the age of 19, with previous diagnoses of Dermatomyositis at 14 and Post-Viral Reactive Arthritis at the age of 3. Life is a bit of a rollercoaster to say the least, but I'm happy to say that I have had my fair share of highs with the lows. I have currently been off work for over 18 months due to a severe flareup and was getting bored, so I thought that I would try and put my mind to something constructive.

I have tried numerous drugs to treat my Still's over the years, including:

Unfortunately, having one autoimmune disease can lead to other health problems and I have also developed Hidradenitis Suppurativa, Gastritis, Anaemia of Chronic Disease, MVP, PCOS and Migraine, which I post about from time to time.

Happy reading :)

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Food For Thought

Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.

~Alex Karras

The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong

~ Thomas Carlyle

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

~ Mahatma Gandhi

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'