The person specification is as follows:The successful candidateWill appear politely stupid,But under the surfaceOf this undemandingTheatrical carapaceHe will be deeply evilIn a down-homeAmerican sort of way.

The successful candidateWill be a spiritually illiterate fundamentalist,But not just a religious fundamentalist –He will also beAn educational fundamentalist,An economic fundamentalist,An environmental fundamentalist,A cultural fundamentalist,A political fundamentalist,And a moral fundamentalist.

The successful candidateWill be an American supremacistWith a sovereign disregardFor the good of the wider world.

He should also be capableOf playing a tolerableRound of golfWith corrupt buddiesDuring office hours.

The job specification is as follows:To lead AmericaInto splendid isolationAnd, once there,To bombThe rest of the planetTo pulp.

We invite applicationsFrom persons of good standingWithin the Christian community.