India to Israel

An accomplished woman's journey to Jewish tradition takes a 15-year tour through India and its ashrams.

I was seeking God, so of course I did not look in
Judaism. Instead I went to India. It was the heyday of the Sixties, during my
junior year at Brandeis. I found a guru and started meditating. Near the end of
the year, my guru said to me, "You're Jewish. Why don't you investigate Jewish
mysticism?"

Jewish mysticism? I had never heard of it. Not in
all my years (12 to be exact) of afternoon and evening Hebrew school. Nor
during my devout attendance at Shabbat services at my local synagogue. Nor
during all my whole-hearted involvement in my Jewish youth group, of which I
served as chapter president and national board member.

Months of meditating in India had convinced me
that there was a spiritual dimension to reality, that life held treasures
greater than the physical world could offer, and that by following the proper
methods I could elevate myself to the ultimate state: God-consciousness.

If Judaism also could get me to that goal, why not?
I had a warm spot in my heart for Judaism. I changed my round-the-world ticket
to include a stop in Israel.

LOOKING FOR KABBALAH

A conscientious college student, I began my search
in the card catalogue of the Hebrew University library. Under the entry
for "mysticism/Jewish," all the books were written by one man, Gershon Scholem,
who, as the introduction to one book revealed, lived right there in Jerusalem.

Intrepid, I knocked on the door of his apartment.
Professor Scholem, then retired, gave me two hours of his time in his book-lined
study. I explained to him, rather naively, that I was not interested in
studying Jewish mysticism as an academic subject; rather, I wanted to live it.

Of course, I did not realize that Gershon Scholem
was the world's leading advocate of Kaballah as an object of study, not as a
path of transformation. He shook his head grimly and told me that I would not
find what I was looking for.

Disappointed, I returned to the United States,
finished my final year at Brandeis, and gave my parents nachas by graduating
Phi Beta Kappa and magna cum laude. The day after graduation, I joined an
ashram, an Indian-style spiritual community, situated on twenty-one acres of
woods in eastern Massachusetts.

I stayed there for the next 15 years.

LIFE IN AN ASHRAM

I meditated three times a day, served as personal
secretary to the guru, taught meditation and Vedanta philosophy when the guru
was out of town, headed the publishing department, cooked for the community and
our guests once a week, and tended two extensive flower gardens.

My life was full and challenging, internally and
externally.

The hardest part of life at the ashram was the
lack of what our guru disdainfully called, "one-on-one relationships." The
ideal of Eastern spiritual paths is celibacy. They assert that sexual
relationships dissipate spiritual energy and that emotional attachments divert
one's exclusive focus on God. For our ashram, composed mostly of men and women
in their twenties, celibacy was a difficult, unrelenting challenge.

Then, in 1984, during my fifteenth year at the
ashram, I was disillusioned and unsettled by a series of scandals involving the
most prestigious gurus. First the New Age world was shaken by the revelation
that the Zen Roshi heading the San Francisco Zen Center had been having an
affair with one of his married students.

Next came a host of sexual allegations against the
revered Swami Muktananda. After that, one guru after another fell like a game
of dominos. The July 1985 issue of the "Yoga Journal" featured as its cover
story: "Why Teachers Go Astray; Gurus, Sex, and Spirituality." It included an
article by Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield, who reported:

"According to this survey -- which includes
information on 54 teachers -- sexual relations form a part of the lives of 39
of them ... Significantly, 34 of the 39 teachers who are not celibate have had at
least occasional sexual relationships with one or more students."

I was devastated. Here I was straining every nerve
and muscle to follow the ideal of celibacy, while the most highly regarded
proponents of the path couldn't hack it themselves! And what about the issue of
truth? Almost all of those 39 teachers publicly espoused the importance of
celibacy and pretended to be celibate.

Kornfield's article concluded: "We need to
discover how to join sexuality, conscious awareness, and love, and how to
integrate all parts of ourselves into our spiritual life."

His article was admitting -- what I had began to
discover for myself -- that Eastern paths had no formula for accomplishing
this.

Judaism -- with its 1,001 national organizations and vocal leaders at the forefront of every cause -- had been more hidden than the lost Buddhism of Tibet.

A NEW LOOK AT JUDAISM

That same year, we celebrated the birth centenary
of Swami Paramananda, the ashram's founder, by inviting speakers from all the
world religions. This time the Jewish speaker was an Orthodox rabbi.

Rabbi Joseph Polak moved the packed hall to tears.
The theme of his talk was "Love of God, even unto Madness," based on the
teachings of the rationalist 12th century sage Maimonides.

"This is Judaism?" I marveled. In all my years spent
at my local temple, I had rarely heard mention of God, let alone love of God.
Could this be the same religion?

Rabbi Polak and his wife invited me to their
Brookline home for Shabbat. I resisted.Two months passed, but I kept the scrap
of paper with their phone number.

Meanwhile, "A Bridge of Dreams", the book I had been
writing for five years, a 640-page biography of Swami Paramananda, was
published. The book was well received in the New Age world. Ram Dass wrote an
appreciative review in the "New Age Journal", and the "Yoga Journal" excerpted it
as a cover feature.

Amidst this flurry of excitement, I went to the
Polaks for a Shabbat. Then another one.

Then strange things started to happen. Leading a
meditation service in "the shrine," the ashram's inner sanctum, I suddenly felt
like I was suffocating. My breathing became difficult, I started to sweat, and
I stared at my watch, waiting for the earliest possible moment I could escape
what had previously been my favorite place in the world. I never entered the
shrine again.

Our guru decided that I was suffering from
burn-out in the wake of my book's publication. She offered me $2,000 to go
anywhere in the world I wanted for two months. I went to a travel agency and
picked out brochures for Boro-Boro.

A few days later, through the Polaks, I attended a
lecture given by Rabbi Dovid Din, who was visiting Boston from New York. He
spoke about Judaism as a yoga. He explainedthat the word for Jewish law,
halacha, literally meant "walking." Judaism was a path, with a goal:
God-consciousness.

He explained the rituals of eating kosher and
keeping Shabbat as spiritual practices. He said that many people who derided
kashrut had no problem committing themselves to a vegetarian regime; that many
people who called Jewish practices "mindless rituals," devotedly surrendered
themselves to Hindu practices. I blushed.

NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM

The Polaks had told me about another rabbi in New
York: Rabbi Meir Fund, who taught classes in Kaballah in Manhattan and
Brooklyn. For a month I studied intensively with him. Then Rabbi Fund said to
me, "If you really want to learn Judaism, you have to go to Jerusalem." I forgot
about Boro-Boro, purchased a two-month ticket to Israel, and arranged to study
at Neve Yerushalayim, a yeshiva for women with little or no Jewish background.

After my first day, I was flying. The intensity of
the spiritual aspiration in the dozen people I had met that day in Jerusalem
surprised and inspired me. "This is Judaism?" I kept saying to myself.

During the next several weeks, I attended classes
at Neve and around the city. I had major issues with Torah Judaism: feminism,
universalism, etc., etc. In every class, and sitting privately with teachers
more brilliant than any I had known in college, I questioned, challenged,
debated, and argued.

The answers always came by understanding the
contested concept on a deeper plane. Many of my objections were on a
sociological level; the answers were always on a spiritual level.

The most attractive element of the Jewish
spiritual path was its sanctification of marriage. In other major religions
marriage is considered a concession to human weakness. Judaism, on the
contrary, asserts that marriage is the highest state, that the sanctified union
between husband and wife affects mystical unions in the upper worlds.

I saw this as the best of both worlds. I was
amazed that the formula for integrating "all parts of ourselves into our
spiritual life," which the East painfully lacked, could be found in Judaism.

During all my years at the ashram, I had been
striving to transcend the world. Judaism insisted on sanctifying the world. As
a Jew, I could use the physical to elevate myself, and I could elevate the
physical world in the process.

"How could it be," I wondered to myself, "that
Judaism is the world's most hidden religion?"

Judaism -- with its million-dollar stained glass
edifices, its thousand and one national organizations, its hundreds of
community newspapers, its vocal leaders at the forefront of every cause -- had
been more hidden than the lost Buddhism of Tibet.

What I was now discovering was an entirely
different religion. Not a structure, but rather a very deep diamond mine. The
deeper I went, the more gems I discovered. But it was all hidden underground,
invisible to passersby.

A DECISION FOR LIFE

I had promised my guru that I would be back in
time to drive her to a speaking engagement on August 26. Every night, in the
post-midnight hours, I would go to the Kotel (the Western Wall, Judaism's
holiest site) to meditate. In the charged atmosphere of the Kotel late at
night, I was able to meditate deeply. The inner voice I heard kept telling me
that I should stay in Jerusalem and take on the practice of Torah.

My conscious self winced at the prospect. I was
37-years-old. I had no money and no job prospects. (Imagine my
resume: 1970-1985 Ashram secretary.) I had no family or friends in Israel. My
whole life -- my spiritual path, my livelihood, my guru, and all my friends --
was at the ashram. But I had spent my entire adult life learning to align
myself with the will of God as I perceived it. Now my intuition told me, in no
uncertain terms, that it was God's will for me to stay in Jerusalem and
practice Torah.

I stayed. Sixteen months later, I married a
musician from California who, it is clear to me, is my soul-mate from
forever. My first child was born just after my fortieth birthday, my second
child six years later. We live in a 900-year-old house in the Old City of
Jerusalem, five minutes' walk from the Kotel.

I still struggle with my spiritual challenges,
which is the whole purpose for which we human beings are here in this world,
but Judaism has brought me closer to God than I have ever been.

Yes, this is Judaism.

From the upcoming "Jewish Women Speak about Jewish Matters", the sequel to the popular "Jewish Matters."

Sara Yoheved Rigler’s all-encompassing online marriage program, “Choose Connection: How to Revive and Rejuvenate Your Marriage” is available to Aish.com readers at a special price. Click here for more info: http://www.jewishworkshops.com/webinars/connection/

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Sara Yoheved Rigler is a popular international lecturer on subjects of Jewish spirituality. She has given lectures and workshops in Israel, England, France, South Africa, Mexico, Canada, Chile, Panama, and over 35 American cities. She is one of the most popular authors on Aish.com, world’s biggest Judaism website, and is a columnist for Ami Magazine. Sara Yoheved Rigler is the author of five best-sellers: Holy Woman; Lights from Jerusalem; Battle Plans: How to Fight the Yetzer Hara (with Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller); G-d Winked; and Heavenprints . She gives a weekly Marriage Webinar for Jewish Workshops on a spiritual approach to marriage, with hundreds of members throughout the world. She lives in the Old City of Jerusalem. Her newest book, Emunah with Love and Chicken Soup, the story of Henny Machlis, the Brooklyn-born girl who became a Jerusalem legend, was was released in November, 2016. Her website is: sararigler.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 17

(17)
david berman,
January 11, 2013 9:10 PM

great article esp since i am doing a lot of yoga now

you have a very interesting life. it was very kind of you to be so open and share it with us. thank you.

(16)
Anonymous,
September 9, 2007 8:28 PM

learning in Israel

Nelly: At 61 I would highly recommend going to Shearim College of Jewish Studies for Women. Good luck in your journey. www.shearim.com I write this as a former student, and one who knows where you are coming form.

(15)
Nelly Rabinowitz,
September 9, 2007 8:24 AM

similar path and now forty yrs have past

Agreat story.I had a similar past.My guru said the same things.Now today sixty one.I want to go to Jerusalem and continue my journey.Where to go ?who are the women I could learn Torah from.I have from february to may.Can you suggest ? I will go and get your book.

(14)
Anonymous,
July 23, 2007 8:27 AM

Beautiful!!

Thank you so much for describing my experiences so perfectly! As a child, I had no idea where the spirituality of Judaism lay. I, too, saw Judaism as a series of organizations and institutions. But now, as an adult and ba'al teshuva, I have come to appreciate Jewish law and ritual as the path to a deeper relationship with God. Please continue to write such open, and honest pieces! They are GREATLY appreciated!

(13)
don muntean,
May 21, 2007 3:34 AM

my path is changing

I was raised a catholic and turned to the hindu path 20 years ago - now over the last few years - I have been hearing a new call - to Torah and Talmud. This article has enlivened my desire to continue down the NEW path...

(12)
Sandy,
August 14, 2005 12:00 AM

Sara Rigler's article--Intense!

Thirty years ago, I was introduced to meditation and yoga by friends and co-workers with whom I worked--at the Jewish Community Center....we were all looking for the spirituality that Judaism "seemed" to be missing, and we tried to mesh Judaism with Hindu spirituality. I learned about Kabbalah, but had no real teachers, so I tried to create one and ended up with a diluted version of both Jain Hinduism and Judaism (Gandhi was a Jain, by the way.)Why is it that so many Jews turn to Hinduism!?

And--although I loved teaching children (I taught Hebrew school for years!) I, too, disdained having children for the same reasons Ms. Rigler lists! Now 51, I was taken aback when a colleague asked me (just this week) why I never had children if I like them so much...Sigh. Now, I don't know why....

Thanks for such a great thought-provoking article.

(11)
Anonymous,
May 22, 2005 12:00 AM

seeking jewish meditation teacher / course

BS"D

I am so grateful to have happened upon Sara Rigler's article. I have been living an orthodox jewish life but am longing for the more "spiritual" aspects of Judaism. I want to learn more about meditation from a Jewish perspective. I would love to speak with Sara Rigler - is it possible to get an email address? Any contacts, teachers, books, courses or other resources would be much appreciated.

(10)
Anonymous,
October 4, 2001 12:00 AM

inspiring!

Recently I have been exploring the traditions and beliefs of Judaism. My background is one of yoga and Christianity. I am marveling at how beautiful Judaism is... This article was very inspiring.

(9)
Steven Brizel,
July 15, 2001 12:00 AM

From the Ashram to Jerusalem

What an inspiring article. As someone raised in the preAshram Catskills and who is now helping raise a Torah observant family, I wince when I drive past the Ashrams where so many Jews are seeking spirituality outside of our intense Jewish sources such as Shabbat, The Chagim and the path of the Halacha. We need more intelligent people to be reach out to theses losts souls, who are a contemporary version of the 10 Lost Tribes.

(8)
Russell Vitale,
April 24, 2001 12:00 AM

Outstanding Search to Find Your Roots

Thank you so much for your give of sharing. This is the second story of yours I've come across. Like your others, it is very inspiring.

(7)
Martin,
January 17, 2001 12:00 AM

Uplifting and honest truth

The kind of story you wish you could get every "lost" jew to read and believe. I will soon too be leaving for Jerusalem and hoping to discover the same inspiration and love for Judaism as the author did. Thank you...

(6)
,
June 13, 2000 12:00 AM

MOVING AND INSPIRATIONAL

to see someone come to a truth and to make a decision despite the fact that she spent so many years in the Ashram is a perfext example of the jewish attribute of a "truth seeker" and when the REAL truth shone its light through she had to accept it, we should all learn a valuable lesson from this story and that is to recognize thr truth, investigate it and follow it, when its really TRUE it could never lead you astray.

(5)
Tom Price,
April 20, 2000 12:00 AM

Wonderful story

None of Sara's time was wasted. Her journey led to the discovery of her inner voice and her ultimate destination. I enjoyed the article immensely. Thank you Sara.

(4)
Anonymous,
March 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Totally inspirational

Wonderful article. It's strange what diversions eventually bring us to the path that leads home. I grew up in the modern Orthodox world... in a family that loved tradition... and had no clue what Judaism was really all about until I totally went away from Judaism... explored my fascination with other cultures... and eventually went through a horrible divorce. I came out of that, and a friend brought me to Aish Hatorah... where I listened quietly in class after class soaking up wisdom... I am so glad I found Aish Hatorah.. a non-judgmental and comfortable atmosphere where people actually answer your questions.. and don't just say, that's the way it is...

(3)
Baruch Menahem,
February 8, 2000 12:00 AM

Helpful; reflects some of my own experiences

I also took the scenic route to Judaism, favoring Vedanta, Zen, and even fundamental Christianity over Judaism. I felt it lacked the mystical energy I perceived as the root of spiritual life.
Recently I've been into returning, but have not had much luck finding a shul. Nevertheless, I try to incorporate mitzvot into my lifeas I am able, and as I learn about them. Perhaps someday I'll find a shul

(2)
,
February 6, 2000 12:00 AM

Unbelievable

Your upgraded site with this kind of content will CHANGE THE WORLD!! All of us out here are grateful for your work.

(1)
Akiva Yitzhak,
February 3, 2000 12:00 AM

"Judaism - The Road not taken "

It must have been one of the amazing journeys in to the spiritual worlds.Man has journeyed to the moon and in to outer space but the spiritual world remains untouched less travelled except for a few people who take the risk of their life and career.I can imagine how it must have been for the author because I am a jew coming from India.

I’ve heard the argument made that Jews should not buy German products, for example Volkswagen cars which used Jewish slave labor during the war. It is wrong for Jews to support German industries?

My cousin says we should just forgive and forget. I would like your thoughts on the subject.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The great rabbi known as the Chazon Ish once said that if a Torah scroll was found burning, and a man used it to light his cigarette, there is no Jewish law that forbids it. Nevertheless, doing so would show a lack of sensitivity. So too, Jewish law does not forbid purchasing a German car.

Regarding the "demand for forgiveness," people often quote the Bible that when one is struck, it is proper to "turn the other cheek" and allow that cheek to be struck as well. But that only appears in the Christian Bible. Jews believe in fighting actively against evil.

Almost all people are inherently good and so we should forgive their lapses. But some people are truly evil – for example, Amalek, the ancient nation which wantonly attacked the Jews leaving Egypt.

Over two millennia ago when Haman (a descendant of Amalek) was commanded by the king to lead his enemy Mordechai through the streets of Shushan, Mordechai was too weak to climb on to the horse. Haman had to stoop to allow Mordechai to use his back as a stepping stool. In the process, Mordechai delivered a vicious kick to Haman which obviously startled him.

Turning to Mordechai in bewilderment, Haman asked: "Does it not say in your Bible, 'Do not rejoice at your enemy's downfall?'" Mordechai responded that indeed it does, but it refers only to people less evil than Haman. So too, we have no reason or allowance to forgive the Nazis and their helpers. Those who scraped the concrete in the gas chambers gasping for air can choose whether to forgive the Germans. We cannot.

In 1977, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat addressed the Knesset in Jerusalem. Sadat was the first Arab leader to officially visit Israel, after receiving an invitation from Menachem Begin. Sadat had orchestrated the Egyptian attack on Israel in the 1973 Yom Kippur War, but after suffering defeat became resigned to the existence of the State of Israel. Much of the Arab world was outraged by Sadat's visit and his change of strategy. One year later, Sadat and Begin signed the Camp David Peace Agreement, for which they received the Nobel Peace Prize. As part of the deal, Israel withdrew from the Sinai peninsula in phases, returning the entire area to Egypt by 1983.

There are many tasks, jobs, and chores that we will end up
doing whether we really enjoy doing them or not. Many hours of our lives are spent this way. The late Rabbi Chaim Friedlander, of Ponevehz Yeshivah, used to say, "If you are going to do it anyway, do it with joy."

Train a young lad according to his method, so that when he grows older he will not deviate from it (Proverbs 22:6).

He shall not deviate from it - the child will not deviate from the method with which he was taught. That method refers to the way we are taught to adapt to life's many hurdles, struggles, and tests.

Education consists of more than just imparting knowledge; it also means training and preparation in how to deal with life. Knowledge is certainly important, but is by no means the sum total of education.

"A person does not properly grasp a Torah principle unless he errs in it" (Gittin 43b). People usually do not really grasp anything unless they first do it wrong. In fact, the hard way is the way to learn. Children learn to walk by stumbling and picking themselves up; young people learn to adjust to life by stumbling and picking themselves up.

Parents and teachers have ample opportunities to serve as role models for their children and students, to demonstrate how to adapt to mistakes and failures. If we show our children and students only our successes, but conceal our failures from them, we deprive them of the most valuable learning opportunities.

We should not allow our egos to interfere with our roles as educators. Parents and teachers fulfill their obligations when they become role models for real life.

Today I shall...

try to share with others, especially with younger people, how I have overcome and survived my mistakes.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...