What is this? This is my fifth-annual NBA Draft Blog. I'll be posting my thoughts about the first round of the NBA Draft here. That will include everything from the actual picks, to the ESPN personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so, so I hope you join me for the 2011 NBA Draft!

3:20: This live blog will kick off around 7 p.m. Feel free to discuss the 2011 NBA Draft in the comment board below or on the forums in the Live 2011 NBA Draft Thread.

6:59: Let's kick this off. ESPN isn't talking about the NBA Draft for some reason. Instead, they're running a feature on Josh Hamilton being a vampire. And with that in mind, teenage girls have all fallen in love with Josh Hamilton.

7:00: Stuart Scott! How exciting. Last year, I noted that I was scared that his glass eye would turn me into stone. I'm still afraid. Very afraid.

7:02: I just passed by my front window, and I saw what looked like a hot chick walking around. Run this blog or talk to the hot chick? Talk to the hot chick or run this blog? Decisions, decisions.

7:03: I choose run this blog because I can eat my roast beef and cheese sandwich while typing. NOM NOM NOM NOM.

7:04: Whoa, it's Michele Bachmann!

7:05: Michele Bachmann says that no one knows whom the Cavaliers are going to pick - not even the players. Sorry, Michele. All the mock drafters know. It's Kyrie Irving.

7:10: Forum member Arcade doesn't like that we've graded the Williams and Kanter picks yet.

Arcade: Assuming that no trades will go on in the next two picks is a bit presumptuous.

Me: That's what we're going for!

7:11: Oh, I should note that I'll be running a live blog for the first round only. The picks will be coming in so quickly in the second round for me to write anything creative/stupid. Plus, no one cares about the second round anyway.

7:12: Call me crazy (no, really, call me crazy because I am crazy) but I'd take Kemba Walker with the No. 1 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft. Walker is a proven winner. I want him on my team. Kyrie Irving, meanwhile, made Duke worse when he played in the NCAA Tournament.

1. Jay Bilas is the man. He knows everything. Seriously, if he were to tell me, "Walt, you should ask Rosie O'Donnell out on a date. She's super fat now, but she will be hot. She has tremendous upside," I'd definitely take his advice.

2. Jay Bilas just said, "Al-Farouq Aminu runs the court when the spirit moves him." What the hell does that mean? In what other profession can you get away with an excuse like that? In a normal office job, if your boss asks you to get those TPS reports to him, can you respond, "I'll do that if the spirit moves me?"

3. Stuart Scott: "The Hornets hired Monty Williams as their head coach." Hilarious reaction from my dad: "Piece of s***!"

4. My dad just said the "Sixers will be very dangerous." Hear that, rest of the NBA? You've been warned.

5. I told my dad that someone on Twitter reported that Greivis Vasquez will be the pick. "Twitter? What's Twitter? I don't understand how they could know if David Stern didn't say it yet."

7:16: Speaking of my dad, he won't be watching the NBA Draft with me for the first time since 2005. He's on a business trip in Poland. What sucks about this is that he said the following to me yesterday:

3. Donnie Walsh should intentionally sabotage the Knicks' draft. That's what I would do anyway.

7:30: Tom Penn: "MUHAHAHAHA THERE WILL NEVER BE BASKETBALL AGAIN MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

At least that's what I think he said. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

7:33: There's a fire starting in my heart fever pitch something something something. Ugh, this song sucks. I hate how ESPN features a song during its NFL or NBA Draft coverage, and continues to play the s*** out of it.

7:34: BOOOOOO NEW JERSEY YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

7:35: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY MAVERICKS!!!!!!!!!!!

7:36: I never get this. Why are the Cavaliers on the clock? Haven't they been on the clock for a month?

7:37: Prediction - The Cavaliers will trade the Nos. 1 and 4 picks to the Miami Heat for LeBron James and Mike Bibby. Mark it down.

7:38: What's taking the Cavs so long? Is Dan Gilbert trying to whore out his son for another high draft pick?

With the No. 1 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Cavaliers select PG Kyrie Irving

7:40: And every single 2011 NBA Mock Draft on the Internet is now ruined.

7:43: I would love it if one year, a player's dad said something like, "My son's an idiot. I have no idea why this team drafted him. They're going to be sorry, but I'm thrilled to finally have him off my hands."

7:44: Minnesota has a player named Laser? How were they not in first place last year?

With the No. 2 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Timberwolves select SF Derrick Williams

7:46: David and I have the only two 2011 NBA Mock Drafts on the Web that hit these first two picks. Fact.

7:48: Good job, Timberwolves. Go ahead and give yourselves a round of applause!

With the No. 3 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Jazz select C Enes Kanter

7:50: Boom. Three for three. Unstoppable.

7:51: Hey guys, did you know that if you add a P to Enes Kanter's first name you get... oh, I already did this joke. Never mind.

7:52: The Timberwolves front office was cheering more than the Jazz front office. I guess the Jazz wanted Derrick Williams.

7:54: Doing this blog without my dad is so weird. If he were here, he'd say, "Of course Utah took Kanter! He's white!"

7:55: Hilarious post from Sitisfit on the forums trying to imitate Enes Kanter: "I got to bang so many chicks at Kentucky."

With the No. 4 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Cavaliers select F Tristan Thompson

7:56: OK... NOOOWWWW all the mock drafts are screwed up.

7:57: I only have one question about the Tristan Thompson pick: Who the hell is Tristan Thompson?

7:59: Tristan Thompson is Canadian? No wonder I never heard of him. He's been too busy dipping his arms in butterscotch pudding.

8:01: FYI, our grade for the Thompson pick is posted. I'll give you a hint. It starts with H and ends with H. Check out in our Live 2011 NBA Draft Grades.

With the No. 5 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Raptors select C Jonas Valanciunas

8:03: The fourth pick was a Canadian. The fifth pick is a bad guy from 24. What an interesting draft.

8:05: Reporter: "How can you help the Raptors?" Jonas Valanciunas: "I help Raptors but first I must keeell Jack Bauer he keeell my brozer in European var."

9:23: What's the difference between being in the green room and not being in the green room if you can attend the NBA Draft and still shake David Stern's hand? No players should be allowed at the draft if they're not invited into the green room. Why? Meh, I don't know. I'm just pissed off that I don't know yet another prospect. Seriously, who is Tobias Harris, and what were his parents thinking when they named him Tobias Harris?

9:25: Quick, David Kahn, trade Kevin Love for Iman Shumpert!

9:25: Great job reporting the George Hill trade, ESPN. Just 20 minutes late there.

9:27: Who the hell is George Popovich?

9:28: Don't question the Spurs, John Barry. They're a billion times smarter than everyone.

10:04: I love how I know of Texas' 26th pick Jordan Hamilton, but I've never heard of Texas' fourth pick, Tristan Thompson. Why am I doing this NBA Draft blog again? Maybe I should have talked to that hot chick outside of my house.

10:05: GabeIsaacson just tweeted me:

You always talk about good teams making good picks in the NFL.. same with Dallas getting a major steal here with JHamilton.

Great point. Dumb teams make dumb picks. Smart teams make smart picks. Amazing how that works.

10:09: So confused. The Blazers acquired Jordan Hamilton, and then the Nuggets somehow obtained him. David Kay will have everything cleared up in our draft grade pages.

10:11: This is so unlike David Kahn. I'm willing to bet anything he hired Bill Belichick as a consultant.

With the No. 28 pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Timberwolves select Norris Cole, PG, Cleveland State

10:13: And now I'm definitely convinced that Belichick is making these picks. Belichick stockpiles running backs in the NFL and point guards in the NBA. Then again, David Kahn does this as well... so maybe Belichick has been drafting for Minnesota for the past few years.

10:14: There's a fire starting in my heart... And there's also an aneurysm starting in my brain. Thanks, ESPN.

5. Stuart Scott scares me no more. Adam Silver, on the other hand, is not someone I'm going to be calling to babysit my future kids.

6. Who the hell is Bojan Bogdanovich?

7. ESPN needs to pay Adam Schefter to report for the NBA Draft. Sure, he'll ruin all of the picks, but at least ESPN will be on top of all the trades; and not 20 minutes behind each time. Seriously, Jay Bilas looked awfully stupid talking about the Bulls at No. 28 when it wasn't even Chicago's pick. And it's not easy to make Bilas look stupid. I mean, I'm honestly thinking about calling Rosie O'Donnell for a date because of him.

@BCE INC. Thanks for the chiefs pick. I can now pay for my 7yr old daughters cancer medication. I honestly don't know what we would have done if I hadn't tailed your pick. I can also buy some Christmas gifts for her too. Thanks again.