Believe that if I wet the bed with an electric blanket I would electrocute myself…

say he is the biggest, the badest, the roughest, the toughest, the pick his nose and eat the stuffest so he would stop tickling me…

mow through hot stinking dog poop…

clean my room, cook dinner, rub his feet, massage his back, and take off his socks…

scrub the tolet and bathroom floors with a toothbrush as punishment…

mow all the lawns in Humboldt, Iowa with him as a child, do my homework and all my chores, earn respect, and stop picking on my little sister…

eat cow tounge…yuk…

pop a zit on his back…

made me eat peas with french dressing on them…

walk all the way across the store with tampons so he wouldn’t be seen on that isle…

rub his feet after work…

shave his back…

throw away my chopsticks…

earn how to change my own tire….

Wish he was around…

give him a pedicure

pick rocks in the summer…

pick up all the “cow pies” from the pasture…

eat my grandma’s fruitcake…

help him paint the house

change into jeans without holes in the knees before he’d take me out into public…

and my sisters go the old Richland waste treatment plant (where Winco is now), load his pickup bed with sewage and spread it on our lawn as fertilizer. We always had the greenest yard! Haha… true story!…

carry the dead, bloody fish after we went fishing…

watch sci-fi when he knows that the rest of the family hates it…

a very strange individual…

Mow the entire yard again for missing one little spot, instead of just going over that spot again…

Grounded me for two weeks with NO MAKE-UP & NO HAIRSPRAY for getting caught sneaking out and that was a HUGE deal in 7th or 8th grade maybe it was 9th.. LOL..

and him an unstoppable 2v2 paintball team…

Help build a log cabin for 8 years…

made me light the fuse that blew holes in his pants…

Learn to potty in the toilet…

lick his feet when I was younger…

Wax his back…

believe that my puppy had decided to leave in order to make another family happy…

bury a bloated skunk in 110 degree weather…

play t ball…

Go fishing, gut the fish, put the worms on the hook, and cook the fish when we got home…

learn to change a tire before he would teach me to drive

Buff his bald head…

Used to make me wash his truck and motorcycle…

made me sit at the table all evening until I ate my lima beans…I didn’t eat them so the next morning he tried to hide them in my omelet…

each spinach with dinner…

wash all the dishes including clean ones because i didn’t do my chore right the first time…

put peanut butter between my gums…

March to my room (literally!)…

pay for my own college tuition and make me struggle with life…

put my thumb in cow dung to make me stop sucking it…

rake ALL the leaves…

Do yard work…

Think he was selling me in the giant nickel when i was younger…

deal with it…

hang with my twin…

Re-roof his house in the middle of August…

made me apologize to my brother after I pushed him out of the boat into the water…

be nice to my sister….

the jackass i am today…

made our 7 kids write thousands of sentences over the years as punishment and it worked out great…

Fetch his rolaids from the back of the toilet after bombing it (his favorite prank)…

Peel his dead skin off his dry crusty feet…

clean my car…

get a job…

do chores…

drive a car named “snowcone” to school…

Hug my sister when we fought…

blow on his feet to dry them while camping…

work every summer during school…

My grandpa made my Mom fix the door my uncle caused her to kick a hole through when they were teenagers…

made me clean up my puke after experiencing an adult beverage at 16…

Yell “Hey” when we saw a hay truck drive done the road…

eat his crazy ideas he calls dinner…

out of love for my mommy (i am 9 months old)…

pissed off & feel guilty…

pluck his ear hairs with tweezers…

carry a snake, crying all the way to the fence to let it go…

Drive the ugliest old mail jeep to high school…

made me touch the live worm during fishing…

Gut and clean fish…

smell his farts while driving by locking all of our van windows so we could not get fresh air…

stay home the one time the popular kids asked me to hang out…

take pictures/hand out medals with sweaty, stinky hockey players. Got kissed on the cheek by one. It was gross! Sweat dripping everywhere!!!!…

dive for my fishing hooks…

work…

eat liver…

go camping…

made me eat liver and onions…

clean up dog poo…

eat a jar of toenails…

clean my room…

chop wood…

say that he’s the best singer, the most talented person, the most desirable parent, superman, and the best cowboy alive…

remodel the bathroom…

detail HIS truck…

made me believe i was adopted from apes and that they shaved me every night to look like a human…

clean out the garage…

eat sour lemons…

laugh until I peed…

old school…

crush pop cans in one of those pop can crushers on the fence…

mow the lawn…

neurotic, responsible and driven…

move several times while in the military…

short… (as in only 5′ 2″!)…

eat my broccoli…

open 3 boxes of feminine products for Christmas in front of my boyfriend and his parents when I thought I was getting a lava lamp…

cut the lawn with scissors because I dumped out the mower gas to get out of mowing the lawn…

crazy…

embarrassed…

cry…

the man I am today…

scoop the litter box

eat limburger cheese…

unload hay bales…

his daughter by marriage…

work in the fields when i was 10…

suffer from his smelly farts…

stand on my own…

shave and trim his back hair…

eat peas…

untie his boots and take them off every night after work…

keep my room clean…

eat my carrots…

complete my chores…

made my lips vibrate…

unique…

wear Crocs to school as a punishment…

believe in myself…

keep tuna in my mouth for an hour until I swallowed it…

help him when changing my little brothers pooped diaper…

from the planet Vik and have purple skin (Vikings fan)…

made my sisters and I hug each other nose to nose for 30 minutes as punishment for fighting with each other…

eat an egg mcmuffin that fell egg down on the floorboard of the work truck…

eat a heaping bowl of Hominy Corn…

think “stirring the paint” was a useful home improvement helper job…

listen to him play guitar and sing even though he didn’t know how to do either…

clean out the chicken coop…

my mom wait 21 years to have me…

bring him beers…

think both his ears were fake and to ask grandma to verify it (note they are not)…

get up from the couch and participate in life…

sit on the front porch, duct taped back to back with my brother for fighting…

buy tampons at the 7-11 where a boy worked that I had a crush on…

help him dig up septic sewer lines…

wear my sisters skirt as punishment…

scared of belts…

update his Facebook while he was in hospital after having surgeries…

take him down to the park (when he knew I was lying) to show him where we dumped the beer we got caught buying in high school…

believe Tyson’s chicken was owned by Mike Tyson for most of my life…

learn to ride my horse bareback perfectly, to earn a saddle, clean my own fish, change my own flat tires, and be very independent…

get back on my horse after I had fallen, hurt or not…

pick up his cigarette butts and rub his feet…

pick fruit at age 11…

not give up on my dreams and further my education…

end my first ever driving lesson because I got behind the wheel and yelled “pole position”…

memorize every 80s song he loves…

go to the jail when I was 6 for stealing candy from the store…

go to church…

write essays about horses every week…

pull his finger…

butcher chickens…

change my own oil in the car…

bait my own hook…

pluck chicken feathers…

bet him 5 bucks that he’s the better fisherman – and won…

push my quad out every time I got stuck to make me learn my lesson…

think that horseradish was mayo and smeared it all over my sandwich and then he made me eat it…

eat Chips Ahoy cookies for breakfast…

run laps…

made me drive a 1982 Mazda GLC that smelled like rotton produce and had seats upholstered in old blue jeans…

wrap my own Christmas presents…

think that tapioca pudding was frog eggs and that grasshopper cookies were actually made from grasshoppers…

hitchhike with him when my car ran out of gas…

Go to school with a black permanent marker mustache…

have nightmares from chasing me around with dentures…

believe he would sell me to gypsy’s if I wasn’t good…

dig holes for bad grades…

milk the cows…

put up with his daily grumpy old man persona…

help him patch up his river raft that had over 100 holes in it with duct tape…

crippled…

stand behind him while he farted in a supermarket or else i’d be grounded…

hold his hand when we were walking and he would walk me into walls, poles, cars and trash cans. Then he would say pay attention to where you are going, I’m not always going to be here to hold your hand….

hold his hand when we were walking and he would walk me into walls, poles, cars and trash cans. Then he would say pay attention to where you are going, I’m not always going to be here to hold your hand…

his daughter, shovel manure before school every morning…

be a man…

pay my own child support (we have the same name)…

untie and remove his boots and stinky socks every day after work…

get up early on Saturday mornings and once I was up, he would go sit in his recliner and take a nap…

ride the potato harvester…

passive aggressive…

hug my sister and say sorry for hitting her in the head and yelling “head shot son”…

burnt tortilla’s for dinner when mom was sick…

get up early in the morning to help during the summer in the fields…

iron his handkerchiefs…

golf…

play t-ball…

change irrigation pipe…

iron his boxer shorts…

eat peanut butter from his hairy armpit in a dare game…

dance in the Filipino association…

bait my own hook…

go to school with crazy hair (because mom was outa town)…

believe there were tree sharks when he farted while we were camping…

learn how to clean fish…

live with 4 brothers…

take a prom picture with a random dog…

independent…

asked us kids to keep his bait warm between our cheek and gum, then told us they were maggots…

touch the hot wire fence to see if it was working (always was)… And never paid me the 5.00 he said he would…

eat the soap yesterday…

eat my step mom’s cooking…

take laxatives to make weight for football…

stay home, most nights as a teenager…

catch chickens to butcher and hit me over the head with one if I let it go...

believe in leprechauns…

kiss a baby sturgeon…

gag when he took his teeth out at the dinner table…

wear an oversized Tweety bird sweatshirt that he got me for Xmas (at.a very cool age 12)…

eat canned boiled brussel sprouts…

wait to go anywhere or do anything with him because of his chronic “loss of time”…

eat cold oatmeal for lunch (because I wouldn’t eat it for breakfast)…

drive home my first car (a manual) , even though I didn’t know how to shift or use the clutch…

lick the inside of our dog’s mouth for a spoonful of cookiedough…

listen to Rock You like a Hurricane every night as he played his guitar in the basement…

believe Gilligan’s Island was a true story…

wash his logging truck anytime my class had a car wash fundraiser…

listen to his nonstop bickering like a pessimistic Boomhaur from King of the Hill…

have to live with my sisters and brother.…

change hand lines on the family farm...

pick rocks out of the fields…

dance the I’m sexy and I know it dance from the song…

kiss a large-mouth bass…

walk in the dark fighting flying bats just to get to the bathroom while camping…

call him Mr. Wonderful…

clean up all the rocks I threw in the neighbors yard when I was trying to hit the telephone pole…

butcher my own pet pig…

my brother and I wear one of HIS shirts TOGETHER because we were arguing…

Stand in the corner in public…

work as hard as I could to be the best I could be, even when I didn’t want to, because he wanted to see me be successful…

be his human remote control for t.v. & fetch everything he wants…

think that ” Falling Rock” was a real missing, person and his family placed signs everywhere to find him…

sit next to him at the dinner table and would feed me in front of my friends when I got in trouble…

jump rope with a chicken…

pull his finger in public…

pull all the goat heads on two acres…

drink water our of a water bottle cap every time I wanted a drink (as to not contaminate the bottle)…

drive a Rambler Station wagon to high school…

believe growing up that there was no Santa Claus that he is Santa Claus and now tells my kids this…

carry his dead ducks in my back pack…

pull every weed at our farm by hand when we could have used round up instead…

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