A Guide To Proper Handshake Etiquette

First Impressions: The Importance Of A Handshake

One only has to watch a political reel from September 13, 1993 to understand how important the handshake is to the western world. During the Middle East peace accord meetings between Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat, President Clinton nearly forced the two to shake hands. The world held a collective breath and everyone wondered, “Will they shake?”

This was one situation when refusing to shake hands might have been understood based on their long and sordid history. When they did shake hands, each man won the Nobel Peace prize. Not because any lasting agreement was made, but because that crucial and simple gesture was gigantic.

You do not have to be involved in peace talks to understand the importance of a good handshake. You have probably experienced the good, and suffered through the bad ones personally. That should be enough to convince anyone to perfect their handshake technique.

Whatever your opinion about social norms, the handshake is here to stay, and is an important part of our culture. According to one study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “a person's handshake is consistent over time and is related to some aspects of his or her personality.”

Handshakes to AvoidCan you read the signs of a potentially bad handshake? Review this list of four bad handshakes that can send the wrong message when you first meet someone.

Bone-crushing – You would think that men are the sole guilty parties here, but women who have been told that a firm handshake will bring them respect can squeeze for all they are worth. Macho displays never really produce the effect you want. (Unless, of course, your whole intent is to intimidate.)

Fawning – The touchy-feely person is not happy with a one-handed shake; he or she must rest the left hand on a shoulder, pat the back or run it down the left arm. A first meeting like that can leave someone feeling creepy. Using two hands gives the impression that you want something else.

Limp - The older generations were taught to use a gentler handshake with women, and women were taught that a firm handshake was too masculine. However, today the limp handshake comes across as “I didn’t really want to shake your hand.”

The Hook and Reel – After grasping firmly, some people like to draw a person in closer. The intent might be to show intimacy or friendliness, but unless you are already on an intimate level, this will only come across as manipulative and tricky, and others will resent you for it.

Handshakes Really MatterIn some cases, a handshake can make or break your chance of landing a deal, building a connection and making a good first impression.

The Business Handshake – If your work depends on personal interfacing, you must learn the art of a good handshake.

The business people must be ready to shake hands routinely throughout a work week, whether they have issues with personal space or not. Business handshake protocol requires you to extend a hand of greeting to your superiors as you greet them each day, to new clients or customers, to every person in a group as you are introduced in a business meeting situation (and then again as you leave), and – prime time – upon closing a deal.

If you are conducting business, a socially accepted handshake is always best. So what would an acceptable “business handshake” be?

Thankfully, the rules of handshake etiquette are clear, and are the same for men and women in America. (Everything changes when you step into another culture, but that isn’t this article’s focus.)

* Stand and extend your right hand straight out in front of your body, with your elbow slightly bent, and your thumb pointing to the ceiling. Lean forward slightly if there is room, but not so much that your faces are uncomfortably close.

* Keep eye contact; do not glance down at the hand offered as you shake.

* Keep a pleasant expression; not stiff or overeager.

* Close your fingers around the other hand with your thumb resting to the side. Grip with a slight firmness (like a gentle squeeze) as you raise your hand slightly up and down for the “shake.”

* As you shake hands, repeat the person’s name in your greeting.

* Release the hand after 3-4 seconds. (Unfortunately, the number of seconds will vary depending on the situation, and if you stand there counting them it defeats the whole purpose of seeming natural and at ease.)

Significant Meetings – You know the ones: meeting your boyfriend’s parents (who may become future in-laws), or the governor of your state.

Social Situations – Everything is more relaxed and personal when gathering with friends and new acquaintances. Meeting new people in social settings allows you to deliver a handshake that is less restricted and truer to your personality.

Still, it is best to politely hold back from effusive or threatening handshakes. After all, you could be meeting your future best friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse.

Inappropriate Handshakes? Is there such a thing? Yes, and no. Not so many years ago young people were taught that when a man and woman are introduced, the woman should always be the one to offer her hand. She could forego the handclasp and simply nod her head in greeting. Whether she offered or did not offer, she was behaving according to social etiquette.

Now the rules of handshake etiquette are a little blurred. Men who are accustomed to treating women as they would in the business realm freely offer their hand to everyone they meet. This may appear to be a magnanimous attitude on a man’s part, but it puts the woman he greets in a position where she appears impolite unless she takes his hand.

Does this social rule still apply today? It should, for several reasons: It is still important to some, especially the elder generations, to whom we should show honor. But more importantly, women who have suffered abuse find it very difficult to be trusting in even this simple gesture.

So if you are a man, always wait for her to extend her hand. You give her honor by letting her initiate, but do not be offended if she does not. If you are a woman, be mindful that some men are confused and easily embarrassed. Unless you are attending a cotillion, your choice of offering your hand is never impolite, and will put your new friend at ease.

How to Handle Clammy HandsA wet, sweaty or cold-fish palm is never pleasant. Warm and dry is the rule for a good impression. Are your hands always moist?

Use a little spray-on antiperspirant every morning, and re-apply it in the bathroom at work when you need it. Carry a handkerchief in your pocket to dry your hand, but do it well before the meeting occurs so you are not caught with your hands in your pockets, which is a sign of not being open and honest. Keep your hands off the cold drinks, as well.

The handshake is a gesture of mutual trust. It brings a stranger into your personal space and allows you both to feel more comfortable with each other. For that reason your handshake should be as warm and respectful as you would want to receive one.

Do You Make a Good First Impression?

As the old saying goes, you can't judge a book by its cover...but people do it all the time! Sure, it's unfair, but first impressions can haunt you forever. Like it or not, your attitude, appearance and overall demeanor say a lot about you. What is yours saying? Find out if you make a good first impression with this quiz.

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