The Don River: how thy bushes gleam, how thy concrete embarkments sheen, how thy graffiti’d bridges scream. It has every facet of wonder that a city could ever wish for. Garabge? Mmmhmm. Putrid stench? Yep. Murky, brown colour? Yeah-huh. Dead bodies? This is the biggest city in Canada — probably. Okay, well it does have a really great bike path; I’ll give it that. I like it there (in passing).

But animals dig those digs for habitation, according to video evidence from YouTube. There’s a whole bunch of animals who’ve been spotted chilling in the Don:

Beavers!

Pacific Chinook Salmon!

Black-Crowned Night Herons!

A mysterious oily substance! (Sorry, I had to.)

Still, we’re on the right track. It’s incredible to consider that I could wander in with my hipwaders (HOT!) and go grab a salmon from the Don. And maybe eat it. If it weren’t radioactive.

Why not help save the Don River, because I have a dream about becoming a fly fisherwoman, but I’m not moving up north, and I desperately want to feel some goddamn urban clarity. Do it for me, brah.

—–…Jessica Carroll is the Toronto Standard’s “Best Thing on the Internet Today” columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @jssckr.