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02 July 2005

Goodnight, honey

It's late. You've been on my mind tonight--even more than usual. I long for you tonight. It's a peaceful longing, though. The ache I feel for you is almost a comfort to me. It's like an old friend come to visit. I curled up on the couch watching television with the sound turned off. You know, it's funny, but I almost think I understood it better with no sound. I shouldn't tell you this, but every once in a while when you call, I don't answer right away so that you will leave a message on my voice mail. That way I have something to go back and listen to when I need to hear your voice. I have five of them saved right now. I thought maybe listening to your messages would help me fall asleep. But not tonight. I see your face when I close my eyes. Your blue eyes are there shining back at me. I turned on the radio hoping the music would distract me. Instead, Jennifer Knapp's voice has me imagining your arms around me as we dance as though no one is watching. You are with me so much that I can feel your touch across the miles. When did you become such a part of my soul? I thought about crying earlier because I missed you. I actually sat down and thought maybe I should cry. But I can't. I'm not sad. I feel lucky knowing that I have someone I love this way. I came in here to turn off the computer for the night. Our picture is saved as the background right now. I smiled when I looked at it, and next thing I knew, I was going through all our pictures on the computer and reliving the trips we've taken together. And I came across the pictures of you curled up with our puppies on the lawn. What happiness we have shared. We have a good life. I need to go lie down. It will be time to get up soon. Just one more moment of looking into your eyes and perhaps a couple of times more of listening to your voice on my messages. Thank you for your love, J. I may be closing my eyes for a bit, but I will see you in my dreams, and we will dance some more. Goodnight, honey.