FTM and scared to have another

I have read a lot on here but i dont typically start new topics. I had a terrible labor. I nearly lost my daughter due to someone elses carelessness. She spent 1.5 weeks in NICU. I spent 4 days in the hospital not being able to see or even hold her. After i had her, i said not ever again will i have another child. I had to have my daughter ripped out of me and then given chest compressions while im passed out on the table. I could never go through that again. So i wonder if anyone else has had a traumatic first delivery and if they plan to have another....both my daughter and i almost died and i just fear that could happen w the next.

I have read a lot on here but i dont typically start new topics. I had a terrible labor. I nearly lost my daughter due to someone elses carelessness. She spent 1.5 weeks in NICU. I spent 4 days in the hospital not being able to see or even hold her. After i had her, i said not ever again will i have another child. I had to have my daughter ripped out of me and then given chest compressions while im passed out on the table. I could never go through that again. So i wonder if anyone else has had a traumatic first delivery and if they plan to have another....both my daughter and i almost died and i just fear that could happen w the next.

I'm so sorry you had such a rough delivery. I had a bad one myself, and at 6 months later I still am terrified. but I chose to focus on the beauty of my son and how lucky I am that he's here and healthy and happy instead of how he was brought here. with mine I had pre e and induced at 37 weeks 5 days. 39 hours, folley ballon and countless hours of piggey backed contractions to the point point they repeated gave me fetanol so I could rest. all to end in a c section with a failed epidural. felt the whole thing. blood pressure sky rocketed so high they worries I'd stroke out, kidneys stopped producing urine, whole 9. BUT.... holding my little guy and that love I feel for him, I'd do it all over again if I had go. ultimately that was the safest way to get him out, even if it was costly to me. I really think that before me and dh TTC again, I'll probably seek counseling to fully deal with the trauma in case I end up with another c section. but I do want more kids. find a different Dr/ hospital and get a counselor would be my advice. and try not to dwell on the past that can't be changed. Lo is here and healthy! sorry for the long winded response. good luck mama!

I'm so sorry you had such a rough delivery. I had a bad one myself, and at 6 months later I still am terrified. but I chose to focus on the beauty of my son and how lucky I am that he's here and healthy and happy instead of how he was brought here. with mine I had pre e and induced at 37 weeks 5 days. 39 hours, folley ballon and countless hours of piggey backed contractions to the point point they repeated gave me fetanol so I could rest. all to end in a c section with a failed epidural. felt the whole thing. blood pressure sky rocketed so high they worries I'd stroke out, kidneys stopped producing urine, whole 9. BUT.... holding my little guy and that love I feel for him, I'd do it all over again if I had go. ultimately that was the safest way to get him out, even if it was costly to me. I really think that before me and dh TTC again, I'll probably seek counseling to fully deal with the trauma in case I end up with another c section. but I do want more kids. find a different Dr/ hospital and get a counselor would be my advice. and try not to dwell on the past that can't be changed. Lo is here and healthy! sorry for the long winded response. good luck mama!

I do plan on seeking couseling also. I actually told my DH that just the other day if we do decide to have another. The whole ordeal was hard and then seeing her like we did was rough. Im not going to make any decisions without feeling confident about it first. Shes my pride and joy and i wouldnt want to do anything to affect me being able to care for her. Thank u so much for sharing ur story

I do plan on seeking couseling also. I actually told my DH that just the other day if we do decide to have another. The whole ordeal was hard and then seeing her like we did was rough. Im not going to make any decisions without feeling confident about it first. Shes my pride and joy and i wouldnt want to do anything to affect me being able to care for her. Thank u so much for sharing ur story

Man I don't blame you for being scared. Both of pp deliveries sound terrifying. I had a rough (in my view) pregnancy and delivery. Mostly it was psychologically and emotionally difficult. I had contractions starting at 14 weeks, gestational hypertension at 29 werks, failed my 1 hour glucose test ( passed the 3 hour thank goodness), developed pre e at 34 weeks, bedrest from 29-37 weeks with lots of drugs, then dr pushed to deliver at 37 weeks. DS was breech so I was forced into a c section. No one gave me any options. I wish I had pushed for a trial of labor but I was too emotional. It felt like everything snowballed on me. I know it doesnt seem much compared to yours but it was very far from my ideal pregnancy and delivery. I think I suffered a little PTSD afterwards which I hear is more common than Drs recognize. I too am afraid to go through it all again but will be hiring a doula and trying a VBAC at a natural birth friendly hospital. It helps me knowing that hopefully I will at least get to labor, if it ends in c section, then I will at least have tried!

Man I don't blame you for being scared. Both of pp deliveries sound terrifying. I had a rough (in my view) pregnancy and delivery. Mostly it was psychologically and emotionally difficult. I had contractions starting at 14 weeks, gestational hypertension at 29 werks, failed my 1 hour glucose test ( passed the 3 hour thank goodness), developed pre e at 34 weeks, bedrest from 29-37 weeks with lots of drugs, then dr pushed to deliver at 37 weeks. DS was breech so I was forced into a c section. No one gave me any options. I wish I had pushed for a trial of labor but I was too emotional. It felt like everything snowballed on me. I know it doesnt seem much compared to yours but it was very far from my ideal pregnancy and delivery. I think I suffered a little PTSD afterwards which I hear is more common than Drs recognize. I too am afraid to go through it all again but will be hiring a doula and trying a VBAC at a natural birth friendly hospital. It helps me knowing that hopefully I will at least get to labor, if it ends in c section, then I will at least have tried!

Oh and I plan to wair until DS is two to try again. I fully intend on going on a lot of preconception interviews to find the right doctor that will take my first delivery into consideration and will try his/her best to have next LO naturally!

Oh and I plan to wair until DS is two to try again. I fully intend on going on a lot of preconception interviews to find the right doctor that will take my first delivery into consideration and will try his/her best to have next LO naturally!

I definitely agree w counseling and an age gap. I am thinking about using an actual womans clinic we have here and the babies are delivered there. Its kinda like a mini hospital just for OB patients. I love my dr and i dont feel she was at fault, but i feel another dr in her clinic was bcuz he made a really bad call wheni got my fever. But i think its important to go somewhere else not only for my sake but my families. When my sister had her baby 5 weeks later it was hard for all of us to walk down those same halls.

I definitely agree w counseling and an age gap. I am thinking about using an actual womans clinic we have here and the babies are delivered there. Its kinda like a mini hospital just for OB patients. I love my dr and i dont feel she was at fault, but i feel another dr in her clinic was bcuz he made a really bad call wheni got my fever. But i think its important to go somewhere else not only for my sake but my families. When my sister had her baby 5 weeks later it was hard for all of us to walk down those same halls.

Counseling is a good idea. I've studied a bit and PTSD is common in women with tough labor/delivery stories. PTSD is usually classified as having the issue 6 months after the incident. I had a lot of anxiety on delivery and because of health history and I wasn't dilated at all, my doc thought planned C was best bet. I didn't enjoy pregnancy or the panic that went along with it, so I was sure I would only have 1. I kept that standpoint for 3 months....and then I heard my son belly laugh. That's when I decided I could do it again. Someday, that is. Get counseling of you need to, but know that only having 1 is perfectly fine, too.

Counseling is a good idea. I've studied a bit and PTSD is common in women with tough labor/delivery stories. PTSD is usually classified as having the issue 6 months after the incident. I had a lot of anxiety on delivery and because of health history and I wasn't dilated at all, my doc thought planned C was best bet. I didn't enjoy pregnancy or the panic that went along with it, so I was sure I would only have 1. I kept that standpoint for 3 months....and then I heard my son belly laugh. That's when I decided I could do it again. Someday, that is. Get counseling of you need to, but know that only having 1 is perfectly fine, too.

Im ok with just one but i also think about her wanting a sibling and i dont want to be selfish. Its been 5 months and the thought scares me but i seem to look at baby stuff and say "maybe with the next one we can get that".

Im ok with just one but i also think about her wanting a sibling and i dont want to be selfish. Its been 5 months and the thought scares me but i seem to look at baby stuff and say "maybe with the next one we can get that".

I pretty much had the same birth story as tmw89. Except I was 40+ weeks and after the failed epidural and c-section, DS was born with an agpar of 1. I had HELLP and am terrified of getting it earlier and the next baby not making it. I will probably schedule a c-section and we will insist on more frequent ultrasounds. And if I swell with #2 the way I did with #1, I will ask (demand) I be given a note for work. I also may buy a doppler so I can listen to the heartbeat regularly.

I pretty much had the same birth story as tmw89. Except I was 40+ weeks and after the failed epidural and c-section, DS was born with an agpar of 1. I had HELLP and am terrified of getting it earlier and the next baby not making it. I will probably schedule a c-section and we will insist on more frequent ultrasounds. And if I swell with #2 the way I did with #1, I will ask (demand) I be given a note for work. I also may buy a doppler so I can listen to the heartbeat regularly.

We had a doppler and used it all the time. That gave us a lot of security during the pregnancy. I had a terrible infection after a failed induction, went home, got a fever the next day, called my dr who wasnt in and the on call dr said take tylenol and call back if it gets over 101.5....bcuz he didnt take it serious is why we had problems :-/ and im sure if i have another it will b a scheduled c section, it just scares me bcuz i felt that one and afterwards i was scared of bloodclots so much i ended up n the ER w an anxiety attack.

We had a doppler and used it all the time. That gave us a lot of security during the pregnancy. I had a terrible infection after a failed induction, went home, got a fever the next day, called my dr who wasnt in and the on call dr said take tylenol and call back if it gets over 101.5....bcuz he didnt take it serious is why we had problems :-/ and im sure if i have another it will b a scheduled c section, it just scares me bcuz i felt that one and afterwards i was scared of bloodclots so much i ended up n the ER w an anxiety attack.

Yes ours was equally traumatic. It was much worse for my husband who watched in horror thinking I was going to die. He has PTSD from it, is on Zoloft- loves it!! Im on Zoloft too for ppd-- i also love it!! We discussed wanting more children and are equally tentative bc of the birth trauma. I have no answers but u are not alone. I also suggest meds and talking to someone if u are still feeling acute worry and fear about it.

Yes ours was equally traumatic. It was much worse for my husband who watched in horror thinking I was going to die. He has PTSD from it, is on Zoloft- loves it!! Im on Zoloft too for ppd-- i also love it!! We discussed wanting more children and are equally tentative bc of the birth trauma. I have no answers but u are not alone. I also suggest meds and talking to someone if u are still feeling acute worry and fear about it.

My DH watched too. And i think he might have ptsd but hes one that wont own up to it. Ive thought about getting on meds but nervous about that too. Im just glad im not alone although i wish we all had better labors and didnt go through what we did

My DH watched too. And i think he might have ptsd but hes one that wont own up to it. Ive thought about getting on meds but nervous about that too. Im just glad im not alone although i wish we all had better labors and didnt go through what we did

I had a very traumatic first delivery. I had pre e, hemorrhaging my entire pregnancy, pelvic and bed rest starting at 25 weeks. At 33 weeks I knew something different was happening... When I got ok'd to leave work I clocked out and started gushing blood. I went straight to my OB and found that I was dilated to 4cm and had a partial previa. Had an amnio done and went on Pitocin at 6 am the next morning. My son was born 13 hours later and wasn't breathing. He went straight to the nicu and his body temp was dropping rapidly. After 3 days under lights they sent me home. We went to his first doc appointment that day and were re admitted for severe jaundice, at the hospital he contracted an eye infection. We were released a week later only to be re admitted 2 weeks later... For his first 4 months

I had a very traumatic first delivery. I had pre e, hemorrhaging my entire pregnancy, pelvic and bed rest starting at 25 weeks. At 33 weeks I knew something different was happening... When I got ok'd to leave work I clocked out and started gushing blood. I went straight to my OB and found that I was dilated to 4cm and had a partial previa. Had an amnio done and went on Pitocin at 6 am the next morning. My son was born 13 hours later and wasn't breathing. He went straight to the nicu and his body temp was dropping rapidly. After 3 days under lights they sent me home. We went to his first doc appointment that day and were re admitted for severe jaundice, at the hospital he contracted an eye infection. We were released a week later only to be re admitted 2 weeks later... For his first 4 months

We spent 2 weeks a month in the hospital. Since he was premie his bladder and kidney had not developed fully and he kept getting septic infections. After a million spinal taps and failed tests they figured it out. It was soooo traumatizing. I was sooooo scared my 2nd pregnancy. I educated myself about different birthing methods and options and opted for a completely drug free, intervention free birth. My son was born healthy at 38 weeks. No pre e, no induction, no weird drugs. I am proud to say that im a mama to 3 kiddos now and am confident in my body's abilities. My point is that you can have one scary, traumatic birth and concurrent births can be amazing. It took me 4 years to TTC though. I was just too scared. I think you're right to wait and to seek counseling. I'm sorry you had this experience and I pray that you get to experience an amazing birth next go round.

We spent 2 weeks a month in the hospital. Since he was premie his bladder and kidney had not developed fully and he kept getting septic infections. After a million spinal taps and failed tests they figured it out. It was soooo traumatizing. I was sooooo scared my 2nd pregnancy. I educated myself about different birthing methods and options and opted for a completely drug free, intervention free birth. My son was born healthy at 38 weeks. No pre e, no induction, no weird drugs. I am proud to say that im a mama to 3 kiddos now and am confident in my body's abilities. My point is that you can have one scary, traumatic birth and concurrent births can be amazing. It took me 4 years to TTC though. I was just too scared. I think you're right to wait and to seek counseling. I'm sorry you had this experience and I pray that you get to experience an amazing birth next go round.

MommyVof3..thank u for sharing ur story...did ur LO have any spots on his brain due to not breathing when born? Im just curious bcuz mine did. She went through the cool cap therapy to make sure no further damage was done.

MommyVof3..thank u for sharing ur story...did ur LO have any spots on his brain due to not breathing when born? Im just curious bcuz mine did. She went through the cool cap therapy to make sure no further damage was done.

No he did not. I'm so sorry you and your sweet LO went through all of that. I truly know how scary it is and it is very difficult to be comfortable throughout your next pregnancy. I constantly worried. I definitely think that time will help you and coping through counseling. Is your lo well now?

No he did not. I'm so sorry you and your sweet LO went through all of that. I truly know how scary it is and it is very difficult to be comfortable throughout your next pregnancy. I constantly worried. I definitely think that time will help you and coping through counseling. Is your lo well now?

Oh my gosh, no wonder ypu are terrified!!!! i had a traumatic delivery woth my first (had a full previa amd hemorraged terribly post surgery). It took them 9 hours to stabilize me before I could see/ hold my little man, and then they had to rip him away immediately bc my blood pressire dropped and i was passing out. I was SO scared going into surgery for my second, and to be honest it being a planned c-sec didnt make it any easier. Im guessing counseling would have helped and wish i had gotten some. Instead, I was terrified through the whole thing and it took until the next day before i was fully convinced that i was totally in the clear as far as bleeding. ( For my first all seemed fine and then all hell broke loose one hr into recovery). I am so blessed with my two boys but the anxiety i felt during my second delivery has only worsened my fear of having another (even though surgery and recovery went perfectly!) Frustrating, and I hope you DO seek counseling as your delivery was far more scary than my own so i can only imagine your anxiety levels!!

Oh my gosh, no wonder ypu are terrified!!!! i had a traumatic delivery woth my first (had a full previa amd hemorraged terribly post surgery). It took them 9 hours to stabilize me before I could see/ hold my little man, and then they had to rip him away immediately bc my blood pressire dropped and i was passing out. I was SO scared going into surgery for my second, and to be honest it being a planned c-sec didnt make it any easier. Im guessing counseling would have helped and wish i had gotten some. Instead, I was terrified through the whole thing and it took until the next day before i was fully convinced that i was totally in the clear as far as bleeding. ( For my first all seemed fine and then all hell broke loose one hr into recovery). I am so blessed with my two boys but the anxiety i felt during my second delivery has only worsened my fear of having another (even though surgery and recovery went perfectly!) Frustrating, and I hope you DO seek counseling as your delivery was far more scary than my own so i can only imagine your anxiety levels!!

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