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And then this happened...

I've been awake since 4:45 am as Eddie refused to go back to sleep. It was OK at first because I had to take Chop to work at 7:30 am as I needed the car to get to mother's group later in the day, and Eddie had 45 minutes sleep in the car on that drop-off. The journey only took 20 minutes, but I stayed with him in the car another 25 minutes in our driveway so he could sleep longer.Next feed, play, sleep. This time I walked 4 km while Eddie slept in the pram for 1 hour.We got home and had a feed, then Eddie's play-time involved me putting him in the bouncer in the kitchen while I prepared lunch and started chopping up vegetables for our risotto for dinner. Then we had a proper play, with some tummy-time and I read him 2 books (which he loved).I left for mother's group early so Eddie would get a bit of sleep in the car. He was asleep before I even got the car out on the road! Instead of driving around wasting fuel, I parked outside the library and even got ten minutes sleep myself.Next feed and play was at mother's group. I told the nurse and the other ladies about all the difficulties we've been having with trying to get Eddie to sleep (and stay asleep), and as I was talking I could hear my voice start to wobble like I was going to cry. WTF? I had a wave of jealousy of everyone else in the room who had babies that just nap at the drop of a hat, and all the other women have their own mother's/ or in-laws who come and help with their babies. I said that it would be amazing to have someone come to our house and give me some practical tips to try, as whatever I'm doing isn't working and I have no idea what to use as a back-up, and an expert might give me the confidence to keep going on one method, instead of me feeling so lost and confused. The nurse said she'd try and squeeze me in for an appointment the next day to try and come up with a plan for us. The other mother's suggested I use a dummy, or a rocking baby swing to get Eddie to sleep on his own... but I'm reluctant because it seems to be just transferring to another problem. The bottom line is that he needs to learn to sleep on his own. I told them that I'd got the paperwork for sleep school, but I also needed a referral from the nurse, so hopefully I can get that tomorrow.When I got home from mother's group, there was a thunderstorm so I had to try and get him to sleep in his cot. He cried so much, which again made me cry. After about 25 minutes, I gave him to Chop to try and settle, so I could pull myself together a bit. He lasted 2 minutes, then came stomping back to me yelling over the screams that he "didn't spend 8 hours at his shitty job to come home and deal with this!". Cue the look of disbelief on my face, and the feeling of utter isolation at that moment. I took Eddie back and decided to feed him as it was coming up to food time anyway since he'd completely missed this nap-time. I was so upset with Chop during that feed. He doesn't seem to understand that I only get a few hours of "down time" per day... and that's between 9 pm until 2 or 3 am when Eddie has his longest sleep. The remainder of the 20 hours is filled with me trying to balance everything between his cat-naps, or keeping him moving so he remains asleep. It's exhausting!Chop redeemed himself a bit later by taking Eddie for a drive (after the storm had passed and just became rain). I was able to have a quick shower and cook dinner, and when the boys came home Eddie wasn't so grizzly anymore. We were able to eat dinner peacefully before Eddie's bath and bed time routine began.Tomorrow is another day - let's hope it's a better one!

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Girl, I am so sorry you are going through this. And that outburst that Chop had... well... let me just say that I have heard similar things come out of Mike's mouth when we have both been so overtired and completely worn out. I found that we both said so many horrible things to each other during that time because we were SO FUCKING TIRED and our filters were just completely gone.

I wish I could tell you what to do to make it better. Well, I can give you my advice for what it's worth -- just do whatever you need to do right now to survive! Let the kid sleep in the swing for now if that works! You need to have some down time! He'll sleep in a crib later, I promise! Seriously! My kids slept in bouncy chairs and swings until at least 4 months old!

But I can tell you with confidence that all of these horrible moments will eventually fade into distant memory. Anything horrible that Mike or I said to each other in their first 6 months of life is ancient history and chalked up to our extreme exhaustion! I hope that when you finally have some calm down time with Chop that you guys can talk about being a little kinder to each other. (OK, him being kinder to you is really what needs to happen, but just phrase it like it's both of your problems so he's more open to listening.) Sending you many HUGS from across the globe!

Hi. I'm delurking here to say IT GETS BETTER! The first 4 months is so hard and it just seems like its going to go on forever. But it doesn't. I remember mothers group, watching everyone else seem so together. But believe me, everyone is going through a struggle of some sort. They are just not letting you see it. This stuff is hard. I remember thinking I should have some kind of "Mothers instinct" to "manage" this motherhood thing better but no, I seemed to have missed out on that. The truth is, it develops over time. But the crying, that is hard to deal with. And the fact that every day is the same, and doing it without support, is bloody hard. But you will get there. Eddie is beautiful btw. You are very lucky.

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