To start off, a bit of advice: If you’re traveling on the Metro in Barcelona, always carry your metro card with you.

I was sharing a card with someone else and got off at a different stop than they did, and it turns out that sometimes you need to put the card in the slot in order to exit the train station, too. To deter you from traveling without a card, if you don’t have one, they’ll charge you 20 euro to escape. Thankfully, my roommate convinced one of the station employees that we were dumb Americans who got separated from the group, and we got out without paying 60 euro total for the three of us just to exit. Let’s just see that it’s a little easier to get away with jumping over the entrance to the El platform than it is here.

But now for the juicy stuff. I’m still trying to figure out the nightlife here. There are two kinds of nightlife: bars for chill drinking, and clubs/discotecas for dancing. Both are fun, especially the ones that have a shtick to get you in the door; for example, in the icebarcelona, you have to wear a parka and gloves because it’s freezing cold and everything is made out of ice. We didn’t go into it because it costs 15 euro, and there are plenty of places to go for free.

However, in general I’ve found that I dislike the area right next to the beach. It’s set up with four big clubs and a long strip of smaller dance and hookah bars, in the middle of which is a McDonald’s. You can’t get into the clubs if you aren’t dressed nice enough and aren’t hot enough, which is definitely not the pretentious category that I fit into. After not getting into the clubs, you’re forced to head to the strip of free bars, where they play terrible music too loudly and where everyone else in the bar are either confused tourists, under 18 or just kind of weird and creepy. It’s fine if you’re only interested in dancing with people in your group, but absolutely terrible for meeting locals or anyone new.

Although last night we ended up at this beach area, we first decided to go to another bar with a shtick called Xupitos. The catch is that the bar serves only shots. Luckily, the menu is pretty varied. (I could only fit half of it in the picture). There is, however, a way to get a beer. You must take a “Monica Lewinsky” shot.

Don’t worry, it’s no big deal. All it involves is having a large black dildo repeatedly and aggressively shoved in your mouth until the alcohol squirts from the tip of it and all over your face. Of course, you’re blindfolded, so you don’t really know exactly what’s happening right away. Only the men most secure with their sexuality can get away with this.

Most other shots have two things in common: they are delicious, and they are set on fire. My favorite shot was the mint-flavored one that was set on fire in such a way that the alcohol vapor was captured and saved for you to inhale after taking the shot. Talk about a head rush!