It is not something I’ve been involved with recently so perhaps someone is actively involved can answer that – I assume it still happens. You’ll find a significant history if you Google COSA. Casualties of Sexual Allegations.

Thanks, I have looked there before on the link from this site and read some astonishing stuff, but as you know each case is individual and it makes it all the more lonely for the one accused, it is a pity COSA does not exist.

At first you think its all rubbish but those acting on these allegations do not know you and take things at face value.

Some actually hate you and use you as a virtual punching ball just to feel good about themselves.

Whoever makes the allegations gets the support and the protection from facing the truth of their actions.

Most men think it is a misunderstanding and want to face their accuser not knowing that’s the surest way to jail.

Alleged victims get the red carpet all the way to court plus counseling and a free ride as well as coaching on how to act traumatized to limit inquiry on the stand.

Basically the victim protection bill denies you the right to face your accuser. And even when you do, the system will not allow you to get the truth directly out of them. Poor victim.

Then weeks turn to months and sometimes months turn to years and here you are still waiting for that day when that truth shall shine.

And then birthdays are followed by holidays and then christmas go flying past and it is another year.

but you are still glued to your screen waiting for that liberating email confirming it was all a bad joke.

One day you wake up and realize you have stepped out of your life. Have lost many friends and that sparkle in your eye you used to have has buried itself so deep into you you no longer recognize your own smile.

But then the news is the same, a build up to the next court conference.

And then it passes, the agenda has changed and so do the priorities.

And you have to chase your lAwyers to find what’ going on aND WHEN IS THE HEARING, IF ANY.

THEY ALL GOT PAID – you may be broke by then

ANOTHER CONFERENCE AND ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY to be denied justice AND THEN DELAYS , delays and delays…

You are told to go do counseling or get an anger management program when you have done nothing.

Sometimes you agree to it just to get it over with.

Then you are asked again to go for counseling when you are not the one that needs it and instead of the congenital liar that dobbed you in.

By then you are usually broke, can’t be fucked holding on to a day time job. depression has set in.

And then finally you get cleared and you think you are free.

But it’s all recorded. You’ve pissed the police off or the social worker or someone or another because it was there job to steal your life away from under you. But you escaped – this time.

the record stays. the next time, they have the ammunition in the record.

the next time again, they have triple the ammunition in the record.

This system is hell.

Find the people who know you truly. Their statements can help,

Any witness? They are like gold, cherish them. They hold the gateway to your freedom.

Yes all it takes is for someone to say “I have reason to believe…” and the machine comes crunching.

You do not need proof – I guess freedom of belief is revered in court.

Either that or you go to police and make a statement and they will do it all for you. for free

But you got to be first and be the claimant or the victim.

A defendant is the lowest form of being. Do not defend, counterclaim.

So find the truth and make that your claim. The truth shall set you free.

And of course do not hire a lawyer but pay for advice until you decide a lawyer is the best way.

You have three months to fight a protection order before it becomes permanent.

Just curious, thank god someone knows
How I feel. I read every word you wrote.
Thanku for helping me put it all
Into prospective today againnn for me
When all this pent up energy can’t even
Be put into thoughts always bcoz its way
To draining.
Yep the day in a life of wake me up
This is a joke….don’t want to work
Coz of lawyers bills that’s going nowhere
Don’t want benefit coz its no life either
I had full custody through courts
Tresspass order protection order with me
And kids names on it and support order
And still had child taken out of country
Without me knowing been with cyps since 14 yrs old Taken off
My mum for nothing police breached there
Own orders and cyps (bullies) had ex
Walk in snatch my son out of my arms
With all those orders….to this day
NOTHING….but then all I can say to assholes
Is what if that was your kids and I
Thought it could. Never happen to me
Cyps and police are %$&#@ as I sit here
Waiting for a change at least my counsellor
Understands and believes me and
Evidentially listens…stay strong just
Curious I had to wait 27 years…not much
Longer until those held accountable
Thank god.

Most people cannot understand what it is like to live a life sentence outside of bars or a jail cell.

But that is what it feels like. A prisoner without bars.

A childless parent witnessing the most horrific acts done to your child and others and feeling powerless.

You need to maintain your emotional, psychological and spiritual health for your own good and those that rely on you.

I know it’s not easy. But failing to do that, you will lose yourself. That’s the one thing you cannot afford.

In fact, like Khalil Gibran said:

It’s only in the depths of your sorrow that you will find your spring of happiness

It’s a lonely journey.

IF you are a believer. you have nothing to fear.
Surrender yourself to the all Mighty and rest in peace.
Do what you can within your powers and leave the rest to God.
He is the best of planners and the best of punisher.

I read your post three times . I will not bother you with my own experience but Every word you wrote
is true. We all know that . What save me form self destruction was latino dancing and a spite/anger to prove those despicable and greedy vultures that they can not overwhelm me . My ex was a diagnosed covert narciststs personality disorder person. I found that later . Educating myself and realizing she did the same to every men in her life also helped me on my to recovery

It is with some consolation that I hear others’ stories, but also a horrible reminder that truth is taken with a pinch of salt, especially when spoken by an apparent victim who is actually a pathological lier and has wielded her power upon a young one in her care and on top of this counsellors have piled on top of the initial allegations. all the while you are left to feel as if you are living under a cloud of suspicion and the frustration of your innocence can be overwhelming… all you have is yourself and the few true friends and family who actively support you.
When months turn into years in the family court system your friends go back to their normal lives and wonder why you can not move on,, it is a living hell and as has been said here an ongoing sentence , one for life, that even when no charges are laid that the family court does not clear you, your name will never be cleared of suspicion and the evil people whom themselves know the truth can still use the untruth of an allegation to trip you up in the future.

Well, I have to say it and I suppose I am allowed and that it will not be held against me…
I am an atheist and I am comfortable with my choice, or lack of it. I am just human and work on logic, what floors me with the justice system is the ability for people to write a so called document of truth, an affidavit, and this be upheld as a truthful document even when penned by some pathological lier whom has the law on their side.

Okay, but please let me take back the importance of calling myself an atheist, I am just Human, I refer to myself as atheist as a rebuttle to hearing about the insistence of there being some one to watch over us, or should I say ME.

I would assume that if a society was seen to be successful by way of christian thinking, then moralistic values should prevail, not money and peoples arses, guilt before innocence etc. etc..

I get it though, you know much about history which has lead to today and it is what it is and it makes religion look even worse in my eyes.

When atheism is described it goes on to talk about the french revolution,, …

b, Yes a young country like this is bound to be cultureless, I do not really want to use this word but for want of one better, NZ needs a holistic approach, but with balls would be good, not too trumpish of course, oh no, not too jacinderish either, we need some one new…just for fun..who would you choose.???
There is this English guy, when interviewed by NZ tv recently, he laughed about having our own ‘trump’ and was talking about Winston, I hear the other day that this guy is getting back into politics to herald the Brexit position,,he would be good to have at ones helm..Mr Nigel Farage.

I find everyones truthfulness of words that makes sense to me comforting. Slightly moved in respect that I found my way here in life on this page – a page that some dont know exist – words from those it should have come from in mornings days and nights of desparation

This page keeps me breathing. This page keeps my mind sane. This page helps me. This page stops me from thinking to much about evil people that didnt have permission.

…..reading paragraphs by justcurious11, justcurious12, evenmyers13, mama15, downunder16. relieving to sense someone else helping and supporting me to think for a change when my brain feels the need to switch to not wanting to think mode #feeling strength

12,,JustCurious…I can not wish these things we talk of here on any one…It is not a blessing by any stretch of MY imagination…I am happy for you that you could feel it to be a blessing of some form ..for my son perhaps this is somewhat true, he has had to endure horrific things.. but we as his family…., the effect is truly arduous and no blessing..

#27 and # 28,, I admire your strength and your weakness too, that you stayed for what must have been the long haul, your children are lucky indeed.

no ones wins during this current family court process, thats for sure, little wins along the way would have been encouraging, I do not find it cares for the family as a whole and absense does not make the heart grow fonder, just confusion, frustration,..

@justcurious please keep writing I find your words
Very positive and enlightening.
Soothing and fundamental.
And makes so much sense. It’s not every day
I meet someone who has being through
Such tragedy. I feel myself making little
Step by step improvements – the learning
Of turning from wishing to find how to turn
Ongoing grief into my own self peace.
All my writings use to be negative….
The scars will be there but it would be
Nice i imagine to wake up with a smile…..
Speak of nice things….learning how to
Be positive all the time around people
…..anyway….i can pick up you must read
A lot through your references of words.
Thank you.

Thanks realmum.
It’s one common experience felt on a personal perspective.
We are all undergoing the same dream and simply shuffling under the blankets seeking light.
And respite from this ongoing nightmare.

The affidavit..an unfortunate and ugly truth, affidavits should only be able to be produced after muchoo mediation, instead of produced under time pressure and when emotion is raw and instead pretty near to a hate speech is what gets produced.

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