5.10.04

yiddish dictionary

vay iz meer:
an expression which closely resembles "woe is me", and is cried out by jewish mothers every 15 minutes. an anthem of true suffering.

putz:
the male reproductive member, primarily used for urinating and solitary amusement. larger than a schmeckel. similar to a schmuck. a common term for male in-laws.

schmuck:
yet another term for the male member, most often used to describe a man with an attitude of arrogant stupidity. nice logic there, if you think about it. a common term for former male in-laws and business partners.

goyim:
people who are gentile. a polite term for anyone who doesn't love a good bargain.

tattalah:
an endearing term of love which means "little man". an emasculating term for women to call men, if you think about it. but who has time to think.

gefilte fish:
a tasty mix of congealed fish parts and transparent slime jelly. the only food it is permissible for jewish children to refuse. in some families, children may even be allowed to gag, but politely.

chaleria:
a derogatory term which best refers to a female business associate or a mother-in-law. the closest english equivalent is "bitch".

koorveh:
a call-girl, or prostitute. a reference to the russian czar's wife at the turn of the 20th century, and to that flashy shiksa your nephew married. also known as nafkeh.

kugel:
a yummy blend of overcooked noodles, raisins, and curds of ripe cheese. not fun to look at. when lathered with sour cream makes an excellent artery hardener.

borscht:
a purple soup made from beets and ammonia. often eaten by elderly ashkenazic jews who slurp noisily and have protruding nose hair-- which is helpful, because it stinks to high heaven.

k'naidlach:
also referred to as matzoh balls. made with styrofoam and sponges. there isn't a laxative in the world strong enough to counteract their effect on the digestive system.

schmendrick:
a man who messes things up, always loses and feels miserable. an unfortunate arsehole. closely related to schlemazel and schlemiell. every jewish family has at least one, often named irving.

schmeckel:
a guy with a small putz. a nothing. usually your ex-partner or ex-son-in-law.

tsuris:
a word referring to all problems, trouble, grief, aggravation and heartache. examples: daughter pregnant with child of an unemployed catholic bartender; adult son loses job and moves back home.

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