Well, I must say I don't consider myself attractive. I do like the idea that there are men out there that do like us big gals. But, the last guy I was with was an extreme fetishist. He likes extremely large SSBBW's. I wasn't big enough. I must say he has actually managed to make me feel even less attractive than I feel I already am. I don't know why that is either. It's almost like being afraid you're gonna gain too much weight for your guy and he's gonna say something or leave you only in reverse. Make sense? He makes me feel like losing every last pound of fat I have on my body and then showing myself off to him. Just to repulse him. Maybe I'm being stupid but that's the way I feel about it.

Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is, I want someone to like me for me. Not what I look like. Or because I have the biggest bum and belly they've ever seen. Sick, sick, sick.

I have been a BBW for a very long time and living in Southern California single for a very long. I actually believe that the men in Calif. do not appreciate a BBW, therefore, many of us are single and remain single. If you don't open the book you will not appreciate the blessing received or uncover the jewel hidden inside.

But there is, Just... and someday you will find him... or he will find you! Just don't settle and make sure they love you with every core of their being. You are a lovely young lady, you will get many offers, but not all offers are good. Just enjoy your youth and have patience for love... it will come someday. Just save it for someone who loves you in return.

Very wise words indeed, Musicnut46.

JustOne.... you are a very beautiful young lady and, in time, you will come across THE ONE for you. But just like music said... don't settle for someone just because they show interest. I was 18 when I met and married my first husband. He was 24 and so good looking. I had never really dated and couldn't believe this goodlooking older man could be interested in me. We got married... and I spent the next 19 years in a miserable marriage because I married him for the wrong reasons. I have since had 2 more failed marriages and was hurt badly by these men... but I had to learn that just because every man in my life had hurt me that ALL men were not bad. And I have found a wonderful man who loves me totally and completely and it feels great! I know it may seem that way to you right now... but trust me... there are so many good, wonderful, loving, caring men out there who will love you for you... and not for any other reason. You just have to weed out the "others" to get to the good ones. But don't give up hope.... your man is out there waiting for you!

JustOnePerson write: - to me, at the moment, there is no man in the world worth having around.

But there is, Just... and someday you will find him... or he will find you! Just don't settle and make sure they love you with every core of their being. You are a lovely young lady, you will get many offers, but not all offers are good. Just enjoy your youth and have patience for love... it will come someday. Just save it for someone who loves you in return.

JustOnePerson write: I neither think i am sexy and believe that men can find me sexy. I've been brought up with this notion that to be sexy you need to be slim, to a certain extent i still think that, am i just a strange person that needs to shut up? let me know your thoughts please x x x x

My generation was influenced the same way. Sexy = thin. I know I'm not sexy... but I know I'm sensual. There is a vast difference and any man worth his salt knows the difference.

A sexy woman may LOOK better, but she may not know how to appreciate all the joys of love and being with that special someone. A sensual woman can make you happy that your with her because she knows how to treat her man...IF he knows how to treat her!

well ladies I must be a strange creature,
cause I do want to be loved for my body.
But not just that. My mind ,body and soul
the whole package. It all comes together after all. An ita all changes over time too. I get tired of the crap of after the body goes we are still the same person and our personality is what needs to be loved.
because over time our personalities change too in varing degrees. Our perpectives o and outlooks on life change also along with age and our bodies. We all HOPEFULLY grow and mature and change with time. I am not the same person i was 10 yrs ago and 20 yrs ago and hope not to be the same 10 yrs form now. I want to be better, and have a more evolved soul, and mind set.
but I still want my man to love me and my body , my soul no matter what.
Just like i will them.

Some may chase and date but there are alot of men that want to mistreat woman no matter what the race is. Finding a good guy that will treat you the way you need to be treated is the problem and finding them single. Where are all the single, serious and loving men at ?

Hi ITHIHOPE:
I useed to get comments like that when I was younger and didnot have good self esteem, not enought to answer them back any way. I did however learn that those men where not my type afterall and would then respnd. You think I need to lose weight in order to be beautiful and dateable?? I thought about dating you with out you needing to be handsome. OR sometimes I would say : Well you know what , i am gald you told me that . cause now I know we would not be compatible and I couldnt date you even IF I did lose weight. We do not have the same attitiude or beliefs in life. and wouldnt be compatible. Sometimes they will ask what I mean and I will retort , well You have a bad attitude about accepting good people in your life no matter how they look and a belief about beauty that I just can not tolerate.
(And if they will let me finish I say )
YOUR belief has to do with a persons size and not what is in their mind, heart and soul. I want a person that has lasting beauty thats what you end up living with any way. The heart mind and soul of a person because the body changes over time.
Some of the time they cannot believe they are being turned down by a heavy , fat or large woman and it is comical to see the reaction. but most time they stop and think about it a minute or so. Maybe they wont be so quick to dismiss us the next time. I seldom get comments like that nowadays, but if I do hear a guy say they just cant date me cause I am too large for them I just say ok everyone has their preferances you like smaller women I understand. Then if they say I really like you have you thought about losing weight, i might think aboutdating you then, I say NO , I come as I am and I wouldnt date a man who thinks in such a small way. Ineed a man that thinks big and accepts big things happening in hislife, just like me.

I get so many comments like I like your personality and you have a nice face but I couldn't date you because of your weight. Ugh ! that makes me so mad. I'd rather them just not say anything.Here in California everyone expects women to be size 3 with big tops. I'm Thinking of moving. Maybe Vegas ?

Hey You two ladies need to move to KansasCity, You would have no problem dating here and haveing loads of guys interested in you. I had no problem when I was a size 14 to 24 with dating ,and still not as much as other women at a size 36 like I am now. Always had dates and or a boyfriend. but it also has to do with attitude dress and knowing how harmelessly flirt. Me i'm stil single cause I am super picky that simple and my friends told me in the past that i needed to relax my standards some, I did found someone I knew wouldnt meet my regular standards id kept so long ,but my relaxed ones he fit into. and we got divorced 3 years later. I will not let my standard change again. I know what I whant and needin my life and what is acceptible for long term happiness and a success ful relationship.

I agree with Deena. I don't have a shortage of interests at all just finding a good quality guy is the problem. I don't think I should have to settle just because I'm a BBW. I just have to be patient and hope the right one comes along.

Well, I think it's the perception of BBW... I had one guy contact me and let me know that he loved BBWs... but not BBWs over 150 lbs. My daughter weighs 150 lbs...she wears a size 11... she is NOT a BBW. It makes me so frustrated that so many men think BBW means Big B00bed Women.

I'm a large woman... it's none of their business how much I weigh... so why do they ask?

I'm really tired of feeling less attractive because I an larger. So many men say they like BBWs but once I talk to them and don't agree to jump in bed with the the first date... I don't hear from them anymore.

i get the same thing pretty often. Ive had people (guys) stop me on the street to say i had a bum worth grabbing but its sooo dirty and i just shut down when they say it. its like right, cause THATS appealing. not exactly my idea of the guy i want to start dating.

Honey, from your pics, you dont look like youre big at all. i think you said once you were a US 14, and thats nothing! I mean, if you went to the US you wouldnt have much toruble (least where i was from anyway. anything above and then you have issues) At present i live in the uk and im a top size UK16 and bottom uk20-22 (think thats US 14 and 18-20) but im shaped weird and its impossible to not look like quasimodo. :(

most of my single friends are slim, attractive outgoing yet have difficulty meeting a guy. its not an easier for them size is obviousy not the issue.

I agree with that to a point. My friends that are slim and single are also the ones that get hit on the most when we go out, its really never me or my heavier friends that get noticed. But then again, I live in a small town where size seems to be an issue because of the stigma that if you are heavyset/bbw/fat, then you are LAZY... and the old joke of how are fat women like mopeds? You love to ride em, but you wouldnt wanna be caught dead with one....
Small town mentality.. it really bites!