i hate this so much. today i made my bf late going to work, he was on his break and he usually stops home to go on his work breaks. i was running late and still getting ready cause i had a class at 10am. but i always have to leave when he leaves cause i don't have a key. and he had to leave in 10mins. and i was about to head out the door when i notice that i misplaced my phone, so he's calling it and then we find that it's in the dresser. so he ends up being late coming back to work, and i get a text that says "i wish you weren't so dumb sometimes" i feel sick to my stomach now. and i've made him late to work before. this is probably the 3rd time now. i feel like a bother and a horrible person rn. i know it's easy to just become more organized and work on my time management. but i feel like i just always cause a lot of problems no matter how hard i work on it. but advice abd some support would be nice.

Lunacie

04-12-16, 01:04 PM

Can't you just get a duplicate key made so he doesn't have to wait for you?

Unmanagable

04-12-16, 01:12 PM

I would likely text back, "I wish you didn't come across as such a judgemental a** hole sometimes." But name calling is rarely productive or healthy, from my experiences, although venting is very necessary, so I'm glad you came here to do so. :)

Without a supportive partner who is willing to understand you as an individual at the deepest level, way beyond what he is mistaking as being "dumb", it'll continue to be a struggle and grow in intensity.

It seems that you having a key would eliminate him being held up each time you forget or misplace something. Or maybe try having a specific basket you place all your things you need to grab each morning.

Remember to be kind in your own self-talk and don't allow his momentary ignorance (hopefully he just spoke out of frustration and that isn't how he regularly speaks to you) to convince you you are anything but a beautiful bad a** who is anything but dumb.

Fuzzy12

04-12-16, 03:06 PM

1. Get your own key

2. Get a new boyfriend who understands and has compassion for your disorder rather than puts you down for something that is very likely to be caused by your disorder.

3. Dont believe anyone that calls you dumb, horrible or a burden. It's not easy to be organised and have great time management skills when you have adhd. They can be improved but it's not easy.

acdc01

04-12-16, 03:11 PM

Great advice from unmanageable. I hope he realizes his error and apologizes to you later when he's calmed down.

If he doesn't apologize, I'd ask yourself if he's really the one cause a lifetime of that will be pure misery.

Little Missy

04-12-16, 03:18 PM

Dump him. I've never been spoken to that way in my life by anyone.

Lunacie

04-12-16, 03:31 PM

i hate this so much. today i made my bf late going to work, he was on his break and he usually stops home to go on his work breaks. i was running late and still getting ready cause i had a class at 10am. but i always have to leave when he leaves cause i don't have a key. and he had to leave in 10mins. and i was about to head out the door when i notice that i misplaced my phone, so he's calling it and then we find that it's in the dresser. so he ends up being late coming back to work, and i get a text that says "i wish you weren't so dumb sometimes" i feel sick to my stomach now. and i've made him late to work before. this is probably the 3rd time now. i feel like a bother and a horrible person rn. i know it's easy to just become more organized and work on my time management. but i feel like i just always cause a lot of problems no matter how hard i work on it. but advice abd some support would be nice.

For most people, it's not too difficult to be organized and manage their time.

For someone with ADHD, those skills can be very difficult.

They are part of what is called "executive functioning" which is impaired by the ADHD.

sarahsweets

04-13-16, 04:39 AM

Definitely get your own key. And he should chill out and cut you some slack. Is he so perfect that he hasnt misplaced something of his?

Little Missy

04-13-16, 09:06 AM

And I don't buy the "You made me late for work" crap either. If he didn't want to be late for work he should have left sooner.

KarmanMonkey

04-13-16, 10:39 AM

Nobody "makes me" late for work. If I'm late for work, that's my responsibility.

Personally I'd rather be single than be with someone who calls me dumb under any circumstances. Not only is a statement like that completely unhelpful (how is name calling ever effective in motivating or supporting change) but it actively scars people.

Even though I know I'm smart, capable, and adaptable, I'm still haunted by what I was told on the schoolyard.

Even though I know it's not true, hurtful comments still stick to me much more easily than positive ones.

Stevuke79

04-13-16, 11:33 AM

... i get a text that says "i wish you weren't so dumb sometimes" i feel sick to my stomach now. and i've made him late to work

This is not acceptable. I don't care what you did. Even if you killed his dog (if you actually killed his dog, it's still unacceptable but I'd chalk it up to grieving.)

1. Get your own key

2. Get a new boyfriend who understands and has compassion for your disorder rather than puts you down for something that is very likely to be caused by your disorder.

3. Dont believe anyone that calls you dumb, horrible or a burden. It's not easy to be organised and have great time management skills when you have adhd. They can be improved but it's not easy.

I think you still always need your own key. It's makes things way too complicated and stressful. It increases the amount of planning, coordination and organisation required, which is tough even with a nice partner.

lol @ efficiency!! :lol:

KarmanMonkey

04-13-16, 11:55 AM

Steve, if she gets the key first, that means she can get all her stuff out before she dumps him! :)

Stevuke79

04-13-16, 12:31 PM

I get it.. ok, get the key.

But definitely dump him. No one is allowed to talk to you that way.

And in the other scenario I don't think we should rule out that his dog probably had it coming.

Fuzzy12

04-13-16, 12:33 PM

I get it.. ok, get the key.

But definitely dump him. No one is allowed to talk to you that way.

And in the other scenario I don't think we should rule out that his dog probably had it coming.

No dog ever has it coming... :eek::scratch:

Stevuke79

04-13-16, 12:54 PM

Generally speaking youre right but in this case I completely support fosterthehuman and would have done the same .. You didn't know this dog... that was one sick puppy.

Lloyd_

05-07-16, 08:20 PM

i hate this so much. today i made my bf late going to work, he was on his break and he usually stops home to go on his work breaks. i was running late and still getting ready cause i had a class at 10am. but i always have to leave when he leaves cause i don't have a key. and he had to leave in 10mins. and i was about to head out the door when i notice that i misplaced my phone, so he's calling it and then we find that it's in the dresser. so he ends up being late coming back to work, and i get a text that says "i wish you weren't so dumb sometimes" i feel sick to my stomach now. and i've made him late to work before. this is probably the 3rd time now. i feel like a bother and a horrible person rn. i know it's easy to just become more organized and work on my time management. but i feel like i just always cause a lot of problems no matter how hard i work on it. but advice abd some support would be nice.

It's a terrible feeling, I can totally relate! You want to know the secret in NOT forgetting where you put your stuff like your phone or keys??

Put a small shelf up right next to your bedroom door or front door and get into the habit of putting your stuff there every time you are not using your phone or keys. You have to make the conscious effort to do so, make it your intent!

If you do this I promise you that you'll never lose your phone or keys ever again! :)