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fuzzytrouble

Posts: 213
Joined: Feb 2009

Oct 28, 2009 - 7:16 pm

Hello all, I am back from being away for a out time from cancer. Well that ended yesterday when I got the results from my ct scans. I am now on Doxil every 4 weeks for how long who knows for sure. I knew it would be back but it hit me like a Sledgehammer" like someone else said on one of the boards. You know it will come back and you think you are ready for the news, but this is not the case for me. I have cried for 2 days over this and this will be my second recurrence since 2007. They had to put something in with my chemo to calm me down today and then called a prescription for the pill form. I did not need it at all last time, but so different this time. I know all you sisters out there with the same issues, feel my pain. I just turned 59, and I just became a first time grandma with grandbaby 3,000 miles away from us. Right now it's woe is me, but soon I will calm down and accept what will be, will be. My heart goes out to you all, and we are in quite a battle.

You are living my biggest fear!!!! I try not to think about it but know this possibility is VERY REAL and lurking below the service. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have these thoughts and I try to get rid of them as soon as they surface because I don't want to feed into them and dwell there.

Are you dealing with UPSC?? If you don't mind sharing again what stage were you and what treatments did you have? What is happening now? If you'd rather not - it's OK.

My prayers and healing energy are being directed to you and your family.

I came back so I can share my dealings with doxil, which I thought was just for ovarian cancer, but I guess it's for endometrial cancer as well. If you click on my picture you can read what I have had and what I was staged. I hope that all of you that are in remission stay this way for a very long time. I will let you all know how this goes.

It"s so hard to write this as I'm crying for you and at the same time feeling the grip of fear that we are all to familiar with. Will be checking our site often to see how you are doing. Special prayers are going out to you...... Teresa

I just wanted to let you know that this site is the best with all the love that comes from once who were strangers, but not anymore. We are just like family now with all we are going through and sharing all our fears and anxiety as we pass each bump in the road. I am also a Mass. native I grew up in Cambridge and my daughter and family resides in Dedham. I wish you a smoother road, but driving in Boston is another story.

Oh, Sharon! I was so sad when I read about your reoccurrence. I don't know what to say except that we are all here to support you in any way that we can. You have had an amazing journey, and I am praying this new drug will be the answer to your prayers!

I think your message kind of smacked all of us and reminded us of the possibilities we each face. You are a brave and courageous woman and I am confident you will win this battle!!

I just got back from my 'remission celebration' trip to Greece, and am so sorry to hear your news. I have my 3-month monitoring tests coming up in November, and the anxiety is already sneaking in, for we all know that 'the beast' can come sneaking back at any time. Every swelling, every odd painful twinge, every change in bowels,...each of us in remission know the little things that can fire up the fear that we'll be diagnosed with a recurrance.

You can do this battle again, Sharon. You are a strong warrior and I know you will knock the cancer back again into submission. But I sure am sorry that you have to start the treatments again. (((((Big big hugs)))))!

I know I have many ears out here and like you I also get so nervous when the scan time comes. I kind of had a feeling about this one, because I just wasn't feeling right for awhile. My body felt heavy and my ankles were swelling more than usual. I don't want to frighten anyone but please pay attention to your body more than ever. I am very depressed now and don't know if I should ask for anti-depression pills or not, will it make me worse or will they help with the feeling of this new dx? I cry at everything now and I don't even want to move to go anywhere. I would like some help with the depression bit. I am not a person of faith, I have my reasons, so please don't be upset with me for that. My husband does and I know so many of you have on this site. I know that many of you have gone past the two different times of chemo and I to will fight this with all my heart and your support, but right now it's a toughie to deal with.

There is nothing wrong with asking for Anti depression medication. Cymbalta is great for some people; it also helps chronic pain. If that doesn't work there are many to try until you find one that's right for you. When I am on chemo I cry all the time. I wake up with tears in my eyes. Taking an antidepressant can help. Also, a mild tranquilizer like ativan is helpful. these medictions are there to help you so you can get some life out of each day. They were made to lighten your load during this difficult time. Don't be afraid to try them. You don't have to suffer so. My heart goes out to you and I pray for strength for you and for myself when my time comes. As we know in life, our time comes to everyone someday. Don't be afraid to get help.

Sharon my heart aches for you. I can't imagine how you feel. I can certainly understand the depression. I think an anti depressant would help you greatly. When I was diagnosed my husband started on Paxil. He said it helped him greatly. After a while he stopped taking it. He has it on hand to start again, if he feels like he needs it. There is nothing wrong with taking the medicine you need to help you. That's why you are starting the Doxil.....to help you.

The suggestion for an anti anxiety pill like Ativan is a good suggestion too. It will help you relax, and possibly sleep better, too.

Sorry you have not been feeling well for a while. Remember that new granddaughter to brighten your days. I am glad you are going to fight with all your heart. That is important. In peace and caring.

Ativan, xanax, klonipin, valium, librium, and others are benzodiazepines - they are sedative DEPRESSANTS. This class of drug is insidious - and personally, I think dangerous unless properly monitored by a competent professional. Take caution and research all benzodiazepines. They are meant to be taken for a VERY SHORT TIME - generally 3 months. They are addictive and when taken with alcohol can cause black-outs (being awake and not knowing what you are doing). I have personal knowledge of the danger!!!

Doctors are prescribing these like candy and for long term with sometimes disastrous results. We have enough problems and don't need any others.

Hey Mary Ann, I am one who does not like to take pills like that and I did read that it is addictive so I have only taken one so far. I will eat dark chocolate if I feel really low, and look at my new grand daughters pictures. lol
You are so right the doctor's seem to just give us stuff and then we have to be so careful to monitor it ourselves. I felt like drinking a few stiff drinks this past week but today I am feeling better and not so teary. I take Tylenol for pain rather than other pain pills. Thanks you your formation, I needed to see that.

I didn't know you were in pain. I thought they discovered the recurrence with a CT or PET scan. I just keep on missing things. I think it's cause I stumble out here in the morning to see what people have posted and haven't fully woken up yet.

I'm thinking of changing my schedule and coming to Oregon more towards the beginning of December. I haven't seen my family for many years and would love to spend the Christmas holiday with them and spend some time at Borders with you drinking coffee and having a good time, as you suggested. And I won't even mind if you cry in your coffee. I'll explain to people that it's not cause we're breaking up, but that it's a medical issue. Aren't we going to have a fun time. Hang in there.

Sounds just marvey pooh to me. Don't they have lovely pastries there? Where I live they don't really have any idea what civilization even looks like nor how civilized people are supposed to treat one another.

Well my bones ached all the time and the bottom of my feet were so painful if I stood on them too long. I figured it was side effects from chemo which I had just finished in March of this year. Only one leg bone hurt really bad at times and I just took tylenol to help it along and it did help. I was told that the nerve damage from the chemo could take a very long time to heal and that it heals from your spine out. I don't know how true that is, but I now wear croc's for the feet, and my leg has been better so no pain as yet.

Medication can be used wisely. Ativan usually does not interfere with the liver and chemo. I have taken it and never had trouble stopping it. I had never taken that type of medication before. Some persons have receptors that can cause addiction. If you have not had an addiction problem in the past you most likely can take these drugs safely. Learn them well and work with your Doctor in how to take them; I kept a diary during taxol reactions so the pain could be managed; otherwise I would never have been able to take the chemo. I really believe in maintaining quality of life during this very difficult time. If medication helps for a while don't beat yourself up. Also, pain management today is becoming well researched and the importantce of controlling pain to prevent further pain is being understood. I had reactions to taxol and had to take alot of percocet; I never take them now. For neuropathic pain I am taking Lyrica and find it really helpful. It has given me my life back and I can work and keep health insurance. Health professionals in chronic pain management are wonderful at helping you maintain safe doses. I had cancer ten years ago; had to take alot of medication and stopped it and never took it for years. It helped me get through the drug reactions and participate in life. Even though you are in chemotherapy for cancer you should still be able to enjoy and live life. You deserve the opportunity to make every day count. There are safe ways to do it.

Hi Sharon, keep up the fight! I've been back and forth for years, myself. I am a total lorazapam freak - I think it's also called adavan? I take it every night at bedtime - and whenever I'm feeling anxious - like just before an MRI when I have to once again go down that claustrophobic tunnel. It comes in various strengths - I recommend asking the doctor about the low strength and trying it. It's more gentle on the system then anti-depressants - with few side effects (I never had any). It just takes the edge off. Interesting that you come from Cambridge. I raised two daughters there - and we loved it for 20 years! Now I live in Somerville. The best to you - and know that everyone is behind you - cares for you - and hopes for the best.
Mia

Thanks so much for your kind words and I plan to fight with everything I got. I was thinking of doing the same thing but right now I want to see how good I can be and not take it before bed. I have it on a very high shelf and I would have to stretch to get it, now do I really want to exercise like stretching? lol
I don't blame you about taking them before the mri I even hate the ct scan donut. lol
I have very low dosage ones to take if I need them, so here's hoping I can cope without them right now.
I grew up not far from Central Square, and hung out in Porter Square all the time. Such a small world it tis!
My email is scurley19@gmail.com if you all want to chat off the site.
I know I have the best support ever from here, and I am behind everyone too.

I have not been on the site much lately and am saddened to hear of your reoccurance. My thoughts and prayers are with you Sharon. You are living all of our scariest nightmares. You are strong and we are all sending you more strength. I rarely use the word hate, but I have so come to hate cancer with such intensity.
Please ask your doctor for something for the depression. Attitude is everything when you are fighting a life threatening illness! You need to be able to see things more clearly and find some light in this tunnel. I have been taking meds for depression since I was diagnosed in Sept. 2008. I also talked with a lady a couple of months ago who is a 10 year cancer survivor. She was diagnosed 10 years ago with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to the lungs and liver and she is still alive today to talk about it. She still sees a cancer therapist...psychologist. I think it is so important for your spirit and mind to be healthy for this fight for your life!
I am also going to pray for you. I know that you said you are not a person of faith, but God can give you peace that passes all understanding! I won't preach... I am sure you have heard all the arguments. Still gonna pray for you!!!
Keep that hope... we all need to keep the HOPE!
Love and Hugs!

Hi KUmar, thank you for your support I inhale it all from the wonderful people here. Now, on the fruits and veggies I have always been big on doing that and all the soy stuff and all the healthy pills and still here I sit with cancer yet again. I like all healthy foods and I guess what I am trying to say is that I get so frustrated with all this healthy stuff they tell you eat and not to eat, so I just am eating what I want now and it will be my choice not what they tell you on t.v. I am a veggie person more than a meat person and I really do think that it's how much we eat that gets us in trouble. I think that any food that has been processed with so much chemicals is so very bad and what they give animals to produce more meat and eggs is so wrong, I grew up in that generation and just thought it was the way of life. What kind of diet do you do? How about the rest of you, any special thing you want to share?

The pastry is a definite yes and of course I would not want to water down that great coffee of theirs so no tears. lol
I like this picture too if fits you to a T, and I knew because of your hair you were on the left.

December is not to far away and will be here in no time at all hurry on up and anyone else want to join us who are in the Portland area? The more the merrier.

I don't know how you can wait the week. I always get in my little pickup and go over to the hospital's medical records office and pick things up as soon as they're ready. This way while the doctor is there reading the report, sometimes for the first time, I've had a chance to look things over and make a list of the questions I have for him.

The last oncologist kept on insisting that there was only one lymph node the report was referring to, that had grown, when I knew from prior reading of the PET/CT report that there were in fact two, just right on top of one another. Kinda lost faith in his treatment and protocol advice if he couldn't ever read the report properly and hadn't taken the time to look at it prior to my visit. But that is neither here nor there. Nor did he notice that the surgeon and the last doctor reading the report had suggested the chest be included in the PET as there was a small node there in the lung. He kept on insisting on only an abdominal ct. See ya!!!! is what my response was to his level of care.

With no other choices around, I am using the Chinese Menu approach. I manage to get a PET/CT once a year, a CT every six months, a what I call a look see, where my regular gyno just shines a very bright light up there and I think you know where there is, and looks for signs of cancer's return along with a pap. I have also had a CA-125 done in and around the six month area.

My regular gyno is a marvey pooh guy who did his residency at the Mayo Clinic. I do trust his judgement and his advice. So, I am getting the regular checkups and such, and simply reading the report myself as I seem to read more carefully than the oncologist. He wanted to have me have a CT every two months while watching the nodes grow. Both myself and my gyno guy thought that was simply too much radiation exposure. It simply never made any sense to me to have a CT for a growing node, when the CT would not show metastatic activity. But my gyno did not feel comfortable going against the oncologist's recommendation. He would not order the PEt/CT. My family doctor saw the logic in my view and ordered the PET/CT after I took two weeks of antibiotic to knock out any infection that could be causing the growth of the two nodes. Also a reasonable idea I had. You'll be thrilled to know, as I was that the PET/CT showed no further overall growth over the year period and there was no metastatic activity even though the nodes were 1.5 and 1.2 cm's. A size where a PET is very reliable. It is true that size does not always correlate with cancer presence. A smaller node can be cancerous. A larger node not.

Sending you lots of warm hugs Sharon! You have such a fight - and I know you can do it! You will be in my thoughts - as all of the women here are.

My dearest friend in the world is living with cancer - just as she has been for the last few years. Her chemo works for a bit, then it doesn't so the doctors change it. She just rolls with it as best as she can. She truly lives her life every single day!

We women are just remarkable! The news can make us stumble - but we have to get up and fight back!

I will be thinking about you - willing you to find the best fight you have in you!

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