Things men secretly want

Uploaded 12/30/2008

No, we're not talking about the well-known stereotypical male desires, here (2 women at once, to be part of a heist, etc.). These are some things that, deep down, each man truly wants and desires regardless of age. They are presented in no particular order.

-Every man wants at some point to be accosted by a stranger, and in their death throes entrust him with a legendary sword of some sort with the task of returning it somewhere. Along the way, a companion that will aid him in his quest and hone his skills with the blade will join him, and otherworldly foes will be vanquished along the way. Once he has returned the sword, he gets an even cooler one to keep.

-Every man wants a nacho hat.

-Every man wants to visit the Batcave. When he leaves, he wants to take home a souvenir just to have it. It can be anything . . . batarang, grappling hook, whatever. One piece of a Batsuit would be pointless (i.e. a cape, a cowl, a utility belt), and we realize an entire Batsuit would be out of the question. The item we took home would replace any autographed baseball or other formerly precious memorabelia sitting on our dresser.

-Every man wants to roam the lands in search of his long lost brother but never actually find him, even if we don't have one. Martial arts and/or gun fights may or may not be involved.

-Every man wants to be involved in an underground fight club, and be one of the most respected and feared participants in it. A cool name like "Boagrias," "Slayne" or "Korgan" is necessary (obviously we'd pick our own). There will be some asshole that always cheats to win his fights, and goes undefeated until we face him. He'll think he's winning at first, but then we'll take him apart. Shamed in defeat, no one will ever hear from him again.

-Every man wants to be able to deflect bullets with a sword.

-Every man wants to be confronted by the devil, and be challenged to a contest at whatever we're best at in life. After we win a hard-fought victory (which we will later chalk up to be a landslide no-contest situation when we retell the story), we will spend our bag of gold coins on the single greatest night of drinking and debauchery the world has ever seen, during which our tale of how we came into posession of such vast wealth will be told many times.

-Every man wants the Godfather to take him under his wing, and make him a well liked and respected member of the family. An expensive suit, a wad of money and a gun will be issued to us, not to mention a crew of 2 or 3 guys that go with us wherever we go to hold things down.

-Every man wants to be Darth Vader.

These are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head. Men, feel free to add any I may have missed. Women, I'd love to hear some from the list of things women secretly want.