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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 3189

Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

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Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now

Im Sandra Im so depress feel really lonely Im lesbian, only

Resolved Question:

I'm Sandra I'm so depress feel really lonely I'm lesbian, only my two boys know about it, I have been in two relationships after been separated 8 yrs ago to my husband , almost a year i have been split with my partner, since then no friends, no girl friends, During that separation, i have met two women on lesbian site, both drugs addicted since I was with them I start smoking weed,they used me now they back to there girl friends. Back to lesbians site since a year no one want even to be friend with me nor answer my email, I feel like useless no one want me nor interest wiz me.

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sandra. I am very sorry to know about this painful period in your life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Only you know how frustrating and sad it is to be in your shoes after end of marriage and two relationships that did not work.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe is very sad. To look for affection and a truly fulfilling relationship and get people who use and abuse you is unacceptable and very painful. Serious life issues like this could easily undermine any person's mental health, and it seems you have no real support system to help you for so long.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said that mostly you have kept trying to get friends through that website but continue to find no answer there. I truly believe you need to start working on rebuilding your life developing real and healthy relationships avoiding websites and people who happen to be unhealthy and negative presences in your life. Addictions are chronic illnesses and do never help but literally destroy people and lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please look for professional individual psychotherapy to start working on yourself, first on rehabilitating from depression, to elevate your mood and your coping skills. This must include improving your sense of self-worth and assertiveness to accept, love and support yourself in unconditional ways, what would allow you to identify who deserves your trust and company and who should not be allowed to play any role in your life, setting healthy and clear boundaries and limits and building this essential support system that would help you the way you need and deserve.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is not an easy process at all, it is a tough one, but it is necessary and worthy, you and your boys deserve it and with the right tools you can make it work. Please start focusing more on exploring and sharing thorough real life sharing, at different setting and through different activities, taking the time to actually know new people, developing healthy friendships with those who appear compatible with you, who really respect you and show maturity. This is a long term process, but again, it is fundamental and absolutely worthy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please work on becoming unconditionally patient, gentle, understanding, compassionate and supportive towards yourself, since it is from there that you would be able to heal and grow. Look for individual counseling and ideally join a support group for people who face depression. Your psychotherapist would be able to make a good referral for group therapy and/or support groups. Does it make sense?

Customer: Thanks for replying Rafael, but I don't know which door to knock, and the moment because I dont have anyone nor friends, I just accept the two persons as like a " friends" which is not that I want. I want a good, relationship without weed, it's a shame If my boys know that, because I didn't grow them like that im not giving good example, and now I feel going backwards in life.sometimes I want to make an end to my life it's so painful don't know which door to knock for help.

Customer: Thanks for your reply Rafael, I don't know which door to knock for help and I don't know for how long I will be able to handle my pain and my loneliness. Sometimes negative thought came in my mind I want to make an end to my life it's tough to handle, it's so painful. Help me pleased I really need it. Thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for responding and joining the chat.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sandra, you mean you are still in touch with these two women and using this drug?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You need to come to terms with the fact that your life has not been easy and that you have developed depression and undergone it for so long, that adding any drug or drug addicted people into your life would not help you in your rehabilitation and healing process but undermine it even more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I believe you when you tell me you feel this lonely, but it does not have to be this way. You can make changes, it's hard but possible and working on it would allow you to grow, to empower yourself and experience more real meaning and fulfillment in your life as an individual, then to build healthy and worthy relationships with people. Good, mature, fulfilling relationships do not just appear, we all need to work on building them, what needs time and effort, from looking for sharing with people who seem to have same value and belief systems, life styles and compatible personalities and life goals. For anybody to find out about all these things, time and careful, patient exploration are required.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why I strongly invite you to look for and commit to psychotherapy in order to truly work on these changes with the right tools and support. We all need support, even more when under tough circumstances like yours. Your first priorities right now should be about rehabilitating from depression and to end any form of drug use-abuse, what would allow you to be effective improving coping and social skills, assertiveness, to heal from past painful experiences and more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

many people do use psychiatric drugs to numb their pain and symptoms f depression and anxiety, and doing so many times fool themselves, becoming addicted to such drugs too while fueling denial and avoidance about their reality, not truly doing anything to improve themselves nor their lives, and that's even worse than experiencing symptoms of any of these disorders, since such symptoms are not useless, they do appear as red flags, letting us know that we need to change, to identify what is destructive in our lives, so to commit to make better choices and take assertive actions, then they would go away., since the core life issues fueling them would not be there any more.

Sandra, you mean you are still in touch with these two women and using this drug?

1/2/13 8:41 AM

You need to come to terms with the fact that your life has not been easy and that you have developed depression and undergone it for so long, that adding any drug or drug addicted people into your life would not help you in your rehabilitation and healing process but undermine it even more.

1/2/13 8:45 AM

I believe you when you tell me you feel this lonely, but it does not have to be this way. You can make changes, it's hard but possible and working on it would allow you to grow, to empower yourself and experience more real meaning and fulfillment in your life as an individual, then to build healthy and worthy relationships with people. Good, mature, fulfilling relationships do not just appear, we all need to work on building them, what needs time and effort, from looking for sharing with people who seem to have same value and belief systems, life styles and compatible personalities and life goals. For anybody to find out about all these things, time and careful, patient exploration are required.

1/2/13 8:47 AM

This is why I strongly invite you to look for and commit to psychotherapy in order to truly work on these changes with the right tools and support. We all need support, even more when under tough circumstances like yours. Your first priorities right now should be about rehabilitating from depression and to end any form of drug use-abuse, what would allow you to be effective improving coping and social skills, assertiveness, to heal from past painful experiences and more.

1/2/13 8:52 AM

many people do use psychiatric drugs to numb their pain and symptoms f depression and anxiety, and doing so many times fool themselves, becoming addicted to such drugs too while fueling denial and avoidance about their reality, not truly doing anything to improve themselves nor their lives, and that's even worse than experiencing symptoms of any of these disorders, since such symptoms are not useless, they do appear as red flags, letting us know that we need to change, to identify what is destructive in our lives, so to commit to make better choices and take assertive actions, then they would go away., since the core life issues fueling them would not be there any more.

I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

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