You guys know I am totally here for you. My posts are as raw as your nursing nipples, as transparent as those mesh “underwear” they send you home from the hospital in, and as real as that streak of poop on your shirt.

So I present you with three newborn lies I’ve heard recently that I just can’t let slide:

1. Lie: Babies sleep 20 hours a day.

What we hear: newborns are easy.

Truth: if by “a day” you mean, “in 48 hours” that sounds about right. Also, 18 hours of that rest will be in your arms, which brings me to my next point.

2. Lie: that exersauser/swing/playmat saved my life!

What we hear: this contraption will buy you a luxurious hour to shower.

Truth: it will buy you exactly 8 minutes to wash your face, brush your teeth and pull a comb through your hair. Just as you set your bread in the toaster the crying will resume.

3. Lie: I threw little Maddox in that sling/carrier and brought him everywhere!

What we hear: you will be able to get all your errands done in a timely manner — and even a pedicure — if you get this thing.

Truth: after you get over the absolute certainty that you are suffocating your child, you will have spent $317 on eight different carriers, the best of which gets you through the line at the post office.

There you have it my friends. Once again, breaking down the lies one by one and telling you all the details of this thing called motherhood.

As the title of this post suggests, I am also “there” for you – and today that’s over at Skinny Mom (no, it’s not a site for twigs, it’s for real moms trying to figure out how to balance life and kids), giving you the “skinny” on my blogging experience.

I implore you to stop by and leave your comment on my Skinny Mom interview. Here’s hoping you see me in a different light (something bright and soft, not like the harsh spotlight I use over here). I can’t wait to hear from you!