In spite of some really disaterous insomnia on my part and major restless leg/full body twitching on Gary’s part- leading to two extremely restless nights of sleep, I am feeling surprisingly well! I think it has to do with two key points:

the weather it is still quite cold and damp, but it is not as bad as that frigid cold and snow we had been dealing with. Something about waking up and not shivering as you try to jump into the hot shower just gets my day started a bit better.

Gary is experimenting with coming off some of his pain meds. He has unfortunately and unsurprisingly gotten caught in the cycles of tolerance and intolerance and dosages and withdrawals. To add to the difficulties, our new HMO will not cover our one main pain medication. That was the push he needed to try to get himself off of them. I had stopped into our local health Food Store (shout out to Harvest Moon in West Milford!!!) and the owner, John, did a whole consult with him to help him use natural herbs, fermented foods, and mushroom extract to help calm the body systems, reduce pain and inflamation. This could very well help his constant nausea too. This makes me very reived becasue I truly hate the amount of meds we both take, but especially him, since he is so chemically sensitive.

So I have some grats:

I am feeling hopeful for him- that perhaps this is the direction he needs to take to get better.

So grateful that we have an *amazing* and knowledgeable herbalist in town. They don’t have a website but here is their local info. Harvest Moon

I saw green in my gardenthe other day- yup a teeny bit of lily coming up!

A really fun week planned at Oscraps next week. Psst, I hear there is going to be a big birthday party there…..*wink*

Oh man! I am feeling so much better than I was earlier this week. That herx was a killer – and since I literally thought I was dying – I am glad it wasn’t truly a killer 😀

When I am having a herx, I have to keep n mind- the worse I feel, the bigger the die off- so that was a good one. And when the herx is over there is usually a time period when ya feel pretty darn good!

I have a good list of grats here:

feeling better!!

the weather- we had an awesome spring day here yesterday. 60* and sunny. We had the windows open and the outdoors called to me. There is not much I can do yard work wise, but I spent the hour just picking up sticks in the yard. There were a lot! But to be outside, getting fresh air was just fabulous!

Cait had a great time at the quilt show with her Nana and cousin

A yummy dinner last night- My brother makes the *best* turkey chili and we all chowed down. I make it the same — his recipe — but for some reason everyone likes his better. I like that I don’t have to cook it!

Lots of coupons- I know how corny can that be? But My MIL brought over stacks of coupons- makes shopping a challenge and i like that!

re-reading Harry Potter. Yup, starting from the beginning. They just don’t get old or boring. I am picking up little bits and pieces of info that will become important later on. She is a master!

Yesterday Gary and I played a military wii game that we borrowed from my FIL- Ghosts Hunters? Ghost Fighters? I don’t know,*shrugs* it was fun to play, just the two of us- and neither of us had a clue what to do;)

DST! As much as I ahte the lose th ehour of sleep, I love that feeling of the longer days! Spring is coming closer!

I have been feeling really wrecked recently. Well, more than just recently- for a long enough time that it is truly getting to me. Part of it is the illness- I wonder why I feel like crap all of the time. Part of it is the mental exhaustion that comes with the illness- as well as taking care of a chronically ill family. throw in the rest of the stuff that is happening -financially, family etc…. it is nop wonder I am in such a funk.

But, I hate feeling this way. I can’t stand being around myself. So I have to work really hard to get out of it. A good freind of mine, Clara, suggested that I start doing my Gratitude blogging again- so here I am! Thanks Clara!

Since it is getting late ( for me! LOL) I am going to make today’s grat’s short.

I am grateful that:

the kids had no school today and I got to sleep later than usual for a Monday

Scott, Cait and I played a few rounds of Raving Rabbids- that always makes me laugh!

The snow finally stopped and my driveway is relatively cleared so I can get out tomorrow! Shop Rite, here I come!

And that is it for now- I am going to try my damnedest to do this every day to get into a better frame of mind.

And I am not so happy about it all that much anymore. What happened to the slow days- when it seemed like it took for ever for Christmas to come, or that summer vacation felt like it lasted a year? Now I feel like I blink, and all of these weeks are gone. I am surprised, but not really that it has been a month since I last blogged here. In my defense , I have been pretty decent about keeping up on my P-365 blog.

The winter days seems long and the same and cold and dull to me.I live for spring and summer! And I wish it would come quicker than it is. But then, I know I’ll feel like more time is slipping by.My kids are growing too fast. Scott went to his first concert with his dad the other night. Slipknot. Yup, who would have thought that the two of us would have raised a head banger! LOLOL! No big surprise I guess.

Cait is almost as big as me too- she is starting to borrow my clothes, and she has a really nice pair of boots I want to get my hands on (yes, they fit!)

But while time seems to be going fast for them, Gary and I are still plodding along in Lyme –Land.It feels like this has been going on for such a long time. We don’t seem to be getting better. I wonder if we will ever feel “great” again. I can’t complain that much, I do get a few decent days in here and there. But they seem to be so far away. It is hard not to worry, ya know?

But you do what you gotta do….. It will all work out. I know it will. As always, I just need time and patience.

It was along day on Monday man, did I poop out when we got home! I was really happy that I did “clean out the fridge” for dinner. By 5 pm I was on overload. Between the 3 hr round trip drive, the 3 hour visit and all of the info to be processed, the Lyme-inflamed brain of mine goes into “Overheat” then “Shutdown.” My mom called that night to see how they kids made out while I was trying to figure out how to schedule their new herbs and meds, and I had a meltdown on her. She told me very kindly that I should wait until my head was better before I tried to figure this out, and that one day to wait for the new meds schedule was not going to hurt the kids.
Wise woman, my mom

I love this dr! Cait didn’t come off all of her meds, he felt that it was smarter to take her off of them slowly. She is stopping one abx entirely and going down to 4 days on, 3 days off of her other abx. Plus he is adding in another herbal trincture and increasing doses on the others. Of course I was hoping for her to be med-free but this is a so much smarter and safer way to go. She has made so much progress that I can’t see rushing it and having a setback.

The spirochetes like to hide within cell walls and/or become cysts when “under attack” from abx. When you staop the abx, they will come back out and start replicating again. This is why so many Lyme patients relapse.

He was also really pleased with Scott’s progress, physically. Scott’s energy and color and pain levels have improved very much yay! But the cognitive stuff is still and issue and he is experiencecing some Bell’s Palsy and other CNS manifestations along his right side. His abx doses are getting upped and we added a new herb into his protocol.

And more good news for Scott is that when he goes on his 3-Day camping field trip in November, he is going to only need to take minimal meds and no herbs- a little break for him and much easier on the packing and the nurse at the camp.

So oeverall, it was a very positive visit! I know, it doesn’t sound like it so much on the surface, but in Lyme Land- this is great news LOL

Yes!!! Seem I can do it. I can pull out of this funk- I can keep myself from falling back into it. Damn skippy, it isn’t always easy. But it is possible. Give me a challenge and I’ll do my best.

The last few days actually went quite good!!! The kids are responding better when I am not a total crab, Gary is trying to get out of his funk, and we had some awesome conversations the few nights at dinner. I didn’t even freak out when my one cleaning client called to cancel for this week. I went to bed, thinking all is not lost! LOL Now, the task is to keep the momentum going!

To keep that momentum going, I have to focus on the end result. The biggest reward here is that my family is happier. Really! The other night, Scott sat down at dinner, all grumpy. I pulled out the conversation jar, something we hadn’t done in a while, and we talked and joked. I noticed he seemed much more relaxed then when he first sat down. He admitted to me that he felt a lot better too. And this coming from a 12 year old! Wow!

Gary is doing better too. We had it out in a way on Saturday. Issues had been festering and in a way, it was good. We regrouped ourselves as a couple. We were able to put a lot of the “yuck” back into perspective and realize that the family is what matters. We are even going out together to do some errands today and I am expecting to have a great time with him.

I have mentioned Morning Coach before here, but I have to admit, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of this as easily if it were not for that website and the forum there. I made sure I listened to the calls, I read the forum posts, and even started wearing one of Caitlyn’s purple hair bands as a “positive wristband. (Dorky- yes- but it works!). I was able to refocus myself and I feel so much better!

Today I am having a herx/flare. I had my second week’s shot Sunday night. The flare is good, the Lyme die-off is still happening. This time however, I am prepared. I know I have to slow it down so I can heal. But it does not mean I need to slack off on everything. I can still take care of me!