Thursday, March 27, 2014

Many times when I enter into a debate with other people, I
only do so to be a smartass. I don’t
genuinely enjoy arguing. However, there
are certain subjects that I have strong opinions on and I can’t seem to keep my
mouth shut. This is also a problem
because I am of the female gender and we all know women never shut the fuck
up. So today I found myself in the
middle of a debate that I didn’t necessarily intend to be in, but my diarrhea
of the mouth spewed out from my fingertips and all of a sudden I found myself
in a position I would have rather avoided.
I only say this because, although I can hold my own in a healthy debate,
I would much rather be able to sit down and express my views face to face or in
blog form, instead of through a couple of short facebook posts. So here I am,
sitting in front of my computer with a glass of wine, ready to tackle the ever
so important subject at hand…Why I won’t date ugly people.

First off, let’s be clear on what I mean when I say “ugly
people”. The word ugly is defined as
something unpleasant to look at: not pretty or attractive. Now, when we say something is unpleasant,
that is purely an opinion. Some people
love the “singer” Drake, I personally find him absolutely repulsive and
idiotic. Some people love the color peach;
I would rather shoot myself in the abdomen.
Some individuals hang their toilet paper under instead of over, those
people are terrorists. Clearly this is
all just my opinion. So when I say
something is ugly, this only means that I find it unattractive. I have dated ugly people in the past, purely
out of loneliness. I have had people tell
me I’m ugly, purely out of insanity probably. Does this bother me? Absolutely not. It is their opinion and in MY opinion, I’m
fucking beautiful. This has been a
recent finding of mine, so I’m proud to own it.
Meh. The point is, just because I
am not attracted to another individual does not mean they are not beautiful in
someone else’s eyes. I would never walk
up to someone and tell them they are ugly, I am not a monster. However, I will never admit that everyone is
beautiful simply because I am personally not attracted to everyone. I refuse to sugar coat things simply to make
myself look like a goddamn saint, because let’s be realistic…I’m not. There are people who find me to be physically
ugly, but if you ask my boyfriend I am a fucking goddess. It’s all a matter of opinion. So give me a good reason why I would date
someone that I found to be unattractive.
When I look at my god of a man, I see the hottest and sexiest mother
fucker that has ever existed. Yes, he’s
physically gorgeous, but he also has the most amazing personality, heart and
brain. I find him beautiful in so many
ways. Why in the world would anyone date
someone they are not physically attracted to? I agree that personality and
intelligence are incredibly important, but if I don’t want to jump your bones
and fuck your brains out every time you walk in the door, well…bye. Here is something I understand about
relationships, things get comfortable. When
things get comfortable, the desire to rub your genitals together 24/7 can
slowly disappear. But it’s so very
important to keep that fire alive. I’ve
been married and I completely get the whole no sex thing. I will NEVER settle for that again. If things are really meant to be, you find a
way to keep it alive. You may not be
boning twice a day like you did in the beginning, but as long as you still keep
the fire lit, you’re good.

Now let’s touch on another point…We all have friends, right?
If I bring an ugly guy to meet my friends, their faces will tell me all I need
to know. As I stated before, I’ve dated ugly
men out of pure loneliness, but I knew what I was doing. Was I using him? Yes, probably. Did I intend to hurt this individual? Of
course not. We all have that part of our
brain that says “You never know, maybe this could work.” It was never going to work. He may have made me laugh nonstop and had
conversations that would have blown your mind, but the boy was ugly. I have one life to live and when I die, I’m
buried in the ground never to be heard from again. (This is my opinion and this blog is not
about religion, that is a subject I’m sure I will eventually address.) I’m
going to make the most out of my life.
So if I am going to choose to spend the rest of my days with someone, or
even a few of my days with someone, it’s going to be someone that has all the
qualities I look for. And fortunately my
list does not include someone who I find physically unattractive. I am not someone who feels they need to hold
their head up high and be proper. I’m a
god damn sassy, mouthy little fucker that does not give a shit whether people
agree because it’s only my opinion. I
don’t agree with many things that others say, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy
those people any less, it just means we have different brains. I find this to be a good thing since we are
different people. It would be an odd
world if we all thought the same way.
Although, I’d probably love it if everyone saw me as beautiful. Back to the subject…I am not sitting here
saying that physical beauty should be the only reason you pick someone. But I am saying that most of the time it is
the INITIAL reason you pick someone. I
will touch on this subject later, but I met my boyfriend through an online
dating site. This is how my searches
went: Ugly, ugly, ugly, meh okay (shitty profile), ugly, ugly, oh hey this guy
is hot (amazing profile)…and he’s the one I ended up with. If I weren't physically attracted to him I
never would have “winked” at him, let alone talked to him in a bar. If he weren't hot as hell, I never would have
understood his amazing brain and personality.
Do I truly believe this man would have spoken to me if he thought I was
ugly? HELL NO. He would have deleted me
so god damn fast. Now, I have friends and
people in my life that I am not physically attracted to. I LOVE their personality and I would step in
front of a train for many of them. Like a
really slow moving train that I could possibly jump on. I’m not going to die or anything. Anyways, I love them. Do I want to put my face against their
genitals? NOPE. My entire point of this far too lengthy blog
can be summed up by the following statements:

I am not naïve enough to think that a relationship can
survive on physical attraction alone. However,
I think that without it you are absolutely screwed and not in the fun way. You need intelligent conversations, emotional
acceptance and unconditional love. But
if you think they are ugly...what the fuck is the god damn point?

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I have recently thrown myself back into the dating pool. I didn't make this decision easily. I was married by 21 and had two kids by 22. I have dated the majority of the state of Iowa, or so it feels that way, and I haven't felt like really giving it a solid effort for a long time. Who has the time for that kind of thing? Plus, men are pigs right? But I had an epiphany about these disgusting child like male forms. Ladies, listen closely...they aren't that bad. Men think about one of three things at all times; 1. Sex 2. Sports 3. Food/beer. That doesn't mean they are simple minded. Of course there are other things that enter their brain space. Men deal with kids, work, friends, body issues, family, relationship problems, etc., just as we do. However, while he is looking at himself naked in the mirror, critiquing his physique, he is probably doing so in hopes of being more boneable. When women do it we are usually worried about what other women think of us and how our ass looks in the new jeans we bought, not for men but for our own pleasure. If we are being honest with ourselves we can admit that it doesn't matter how many times a man tells you you're beautiful, if you don't believe it then he just becomes a dirty liar that you're now angry with for some reason. For no reason. Women are crazy, I don't make the rules. When a man is having a deep conversation with you, he may be thoroughly enjoying it, but he's also watching your mouth move and considering what it would feel like if his dick was in it. When he tells you your shirt looks nice, it's probably because your tits look good in it. When he comments on your new dress, he's hoping you don't have panties on underneath. And when he buys you something nice, I am not saying he didn't do so with love and sincerity, but he also wants the sex. When women come to realize and accept this, it makes it much easier to live among these creatures. In saying this I assure you I am not saying that men are dumb or simple or perverted, in fact I'd say much of the opposite. Don't get me wrong, complete perverts, but I've met some very intelligent and complex men and guess what? Still thinking about where they can put their penis. It's nature. Is this bad for women? Is it all a lost cause? Absolutely not. In fact, I think this is amazing news. I recently ran this epiphany by a very intelligent and successful man over dinner and he almost seemed surprised that I was understanding this and accepting it. Here is the thing, women are nuts. Men have been accepting that for a long time because we don't give them a god damn choice. So your man doesn't wash his hands after he pisses, I promise he's not doing it to upset you. He forgets your one month anniversary? You shouldn't be celebrating that anyway, you're a grown ass adult. He didn't notice you walk in the door with a new hair cut because he was watching football...who cares? Let him do his thing. Do you like your hair? Good. I promise you he doesn't give two shits. If he loves you, he loves you no matter what you do to your hair. If he has that much of an opinion on it, he's probably more fucked than you. He stared at the waitress a little too long when she walked away from the table...Well, does she have a nice ass? Seriously, look at it. Can you blame him? Start worrying when he's checking out fat nasty bitches. I do not know a single human being that doesn't check other people out. Unless you are unfortunate enough to be blind, you're going to look. Now look at that waitress again...is she really a threat to you? If you're in the right relationship, the answer is always no, without hesitation. He wants to go out with his friends for a guy's night? Thank god. This sounds like the perfect time to take a long ass bubble bath, catch up on a good book and have a night of silence. He'll be back to farting in his sleep in no time. And I promise that the less you try to control him, the more he will appreciate you. Giving him time away allows him to say all the gross things you don't want to hear anyway. I see women who have their husband on a short leash and I can't help but cringe, because I was that woman. I didn't get it. I wanted him to tell me I was pretty at least 10 times a day, bring me flowers for no reason, rub my feet without asking, sweep me off my feet every day, the whole fairytale shit. Yes, those things are very nice and appreciated at any time, however it's not what a relationship is. As much as you want all those things, the equivalent to him would be coming home from work to find you standing in the doorway in sexy lingerie and stilettos. Sure, you may do it now and then but your hormonal ass isn't doing it every day. A relationship is trusting someone when they are away from you, communicating about your worries, hopes and fears without reservation, laughing until you pee and letting them know you peed, being comfortable enough to be your absolute self, and most of all, letting. things. go. Give him room to breathe. Give him room to fuck up. When he's drunk and decides he wants to prove that he can break that board with his fist, sit back and let him do it. Just smile and have an ice pack ready. Don't push him to share his feelings with you all the time. This whole "what are you thinking about right now" thing that girls do, is bullshit. If he wants you to know what he's thinking, there's a good chance he will tell you. If you don't know how he feels about you then sit down and address it, but don't get to the point where you need the daily confirmation. Just let it be. I only say all this because I was that girl. The poor men that have had to deal with my needy ass, I'm so sorry to them. Alright, I'm not really, but it's a nice sentiment. So why are men more complicated than women? They aren't. Don't make it hard for a man to just be a man. And men, if you have a woman that sees that, love the fuck out of her. She's like a god damn unicorn.
Live it hard...
-Masquerage

I turned 30 a couple months ago and I had fully convinced
myself that I would either die immediately, OR find all the answers to the
world. I realize this is slightly
overdramatic, however, I intended for my life to change that day…and in so many
ways, it did. I let go of many people
who were toxic in my life and I started to realize that the real me, the
uninhibited, honest, sometimes brash me, was pretty great. The more I let
myself be free, the more I found myself surrounded by people who accepted and
loved me for those very reasons. Now I
realize this has only been a couple months, but it’s been a strong couple
months. I feel alive for the first time
in a really long time. I understand this
has nothing to do with the actual turning of 30, but that was the milestone
that kicked it all into place. I’ve
always been a writer. Am I good at it? I
don’t know, maybe at times. Do I enjoy
it? Hell yes. I am opinionated and far
too honest for my own good. I don’t
often think about what I’m saying, I just say it. I understand there is a time and place for
everything. I am intelligent enough to
be fully aware of the intense effect someone’s words can have on another
person. I don’t intend to hurt people
with my writings. I also don’t intend to
worry about that too much. The amazing
thing I have discovered through social media is that you can actually ignore
people you don’t care for. You have the
ability to block them, delete them, and not read what they post. I fully encourage this in every avenue of
your life. Does Joe blow so and so piss
you off every time he posts a picture of his beer gut transformation? Delete
him…without reason or explanation. It’s
pretty simple. Such is life, pretty damn
simple. I don’t take offense to much. I
used to allow the smallest people, with the smallest of minds, to ruin my day
and crush my self esteem. When you allow
something to offend you, you are allowing the thoughts and opinions of a
completely different individual, to change the way you feel about
yourself. No one should be able to
change you, but you. Again, another
thing that came to me after the big 3-0.
It’s stupid that I’ve allowed myself to live so long with such a
complex. I didn’t write because I feared
someone wouldn’t like what I had to say.
I went places I didn’t want to go, so that I didn’t hurt anyone’s
feelings. I wasted my time and energy on
people who weren’t willing to do the same.
I let people tell me how I should feel and what I should do and where I
should be in my life. But they were
wrong. I’m here, right in this
moment. I’m confident in my own skin for
the first time. I feel happy when I wake up and happy when I go to sleep. I have my moments, my days and sometimes my
weeks…but I’m here. Maybe I should have
tried harder in my marriage, or raised my kids in a different way, or not dated
right after my divorce, or blah blah fucking blah. I screwed up a lot. I’m going to keep doing that, because I’m a
god damn human. A human who is living,
in this very moment, because really it’s all we have.