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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The two-person poo

I called Nick last night a little or maybe very frantic. It was half an hour after he'd said he'd be home.

"Where are you?"

I was shrill.

"I'm waiting for the bus. Why?"

"He just had a two person poo. I need help."

Nick has experienced the crisis of the two-person poo before. He jumped in a cab.

For those of you unfamiliar with the baby poo business, let me tell you. You start out with what seems like a poo every 15 minutes. This frequency gradually reduces to once a day or once every two days. Apparently even every five is normal.

This, this I cannot imagine.

Because the second day poo is just extraordinary. I've come to dread the magnitude of it.

Last night, I knew he was pooing. He was sitting in his bouncy chair, which he loves, minus the bounce, and I could see it on his face.

So I picked him up to take him downstairs and change him. At which point I noticed the poo seeping through two layers of clothing.

I dangled him straight out in front of me, in an effort to avoid donning the yellow-brown fecal decoration that was fast spreading on his outfit. I figured one of us covered in poo was enough.

It was a poosplosion, up the front and up the back.

I'd dealt with one or the other before, but not both at once. The up the front kind took me very by surprise the first time. You have to clean poo off not only his balls, but all the way up above and around his little wing wang.

This, though, this was a poo of epic proportions.

Up to his belly button. Way up to the middle of his back. All over his clothes. He got his hand in some on the edge of his onesie while I was getting his pants off. And while I tried, it turned out there was no way to get it over his head without smearing some additional poo on him.

In a Clark Kentish move, Nick swooped in just in time to give the kid a bath.

Two words. Sink Sprayer. If he's too big for that, shower head with hose! When Jess would blow out like that, she went straight to the tub. Clothes in the bottom of the tub, and her getting sprayed off. No use even trying to wipe!! And you are SO lucky that Nick is that involved. The best my hubby could do was manage an "Eww gross" from the couch. How he survived Jessica's infancy, I'm still not really sure. . . .

"Because there are not enough wipes in the world for poos like these."

No there definitely isn't! Hosing them off is the way to go. Betti just had her 6th poopy diaper of the day. Thankfully only one has been a blow out. But still, she should know better to do this when Daddy is home and not when Mommy is by herself!

if the 2 person poo is what gets him into that lion face bath towel then it's totally worth it! this kid gets cuter with every single photo... i didn't know there was any higher level of cute than the first photo you showed us.give it two years, when he's handing you the poo from his pull-ups so it can be flushed... you'll yearn for the poo problem that is resolved with a bath. (all second hand witnessing used to arrive at these realizations)

OMG I remember my boy having a pooslosion when he was about 8 weeks old. It was the middle of the night, he was due to be fed and I dont know whether it was the hunger or the mess woke him up but my god it was everywhere!! All up his back and front and all through the bedding in his bassinette too. It required me in the shower with the culprit at 2am and daddy stripping the bassinette and remaking it completely all the while gagging and retching. Thank god the poo of universal magnitude only ever happened once!

It constantly amazes me that they manage to spread it so far and wide! And then look sooo pleased with themselves - I guess I would too though, if I managed to poo all the way up my back! Before I had Lara my friend kept telling me that baby poo smells like freshly baked bread. Which I did not believe. But it kinda does, don't you think?? In other words...I guess it could be worse

Lisa, I am so right there with you on the two person poop! Just wait till he starts on solid food. Then the poop is seriously stinky too. Dealing with it is still not as bad as you'd expect, though, when it's your kid. As you have said.

One thing I have figured out with baby #2: any shirt that will fit over her head can just as easily be removed by slipping it down over the hips and legs and off that way. Just in case there's a poopsplosion when you're not at home with easy access to a bath.