Monday, December 04, 2006

How to Trap Your Man (or Woman)

The comment thread on this post over at the Bitch Girls is too old to keep posting on, so I'll beat the dead horse over here. The original topic was a bizarre Michigan law making it illegal for a man to break up with a woman while she is carrying his child. Yes, really. Who wins, Bitter asks? Some commenters said that women win because the government now stands behind them when they get pregnant to "trap" their mate. Others pointed out that being with someone you don't want to be with isn't a "win" for either person.

But being in a miserable relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you is a big win for the person who does want to be in it.

Not--obviously--that I'm advocating that, but you have to realize what you've done to the other person before you can join them in misery. Otherwise a "win" is exactly what it is, because in your mind you'll have "convinced" the other person, or "made them realize they love you" or any of the other ways people rationalize coercing someone to stay in a relationship.

Which leads to another shopworn cliche, "I thought we were happy!" if the split arrives ahead of the self-realization...

That's disgusting on so many levels. I'm appauled at the legislaters who did this, the voters who voted for them, and the women who use this to trap them. Because let's face it, this law would never be applied against a woman for leaving a man. I seriously doubt it.

Sounds like the obvious reaction will be to leave the second the child is born, and she is thus no longer "carrying" it.

The child-support payments won't be any different than leaving earlier, after all.

Of course, there's also a reason this is still a bill and not a law... (and of course it says it applies only if the intent can be shown to get her to have an abortion, not merely leaving her. I guess if he says "please have the baby, I'm just never coming back", he's off the hook, even if the bill became law and survived court challenges.)

(My personal reaction to any woman that attempted to use such a law against me to "trap" me would be eternal and undying disgust, if not actual hatred. Playing someone for a patsy is not a great way to build a serious, loving relationship.

Of course, I also try to not impregnate people I wouldn't want to stay with, with a so-far success rate of 100%.)