How to Proactively Start Your Day With Positive Self-Talk

"Sticks and stones may
break my bones but words will never hurt me." This little rhyme was
one I used many times as a child when someone was taunting or teasing me
or calling me names. I was trying to keep myself safe from the words of another,
but the truth is, their words did hurt me. I could pretend otherwise, but
inside it hurt that someone would say anything meant to intentionally
hurt me.

To this day however, the words
of others are nothing compared to the meanness and hurt of some of the
words I've said to myself. I don't always say these words out loud, but
the inside of my head is not a safe neighborhood to hang out, especially
at night. If I had a doll that represent me and every time I had a
negative or self-critical thought I whacked that doll, I doubt it would
make it through the day. It seems this is common among people I've talked
to. I've worked with dozens of clients who refer to themselves as their
own worst critic, but never as their own best friend.

Many psychologists discuss the
concept of the inner critic. It's referred to by many different names,
but most agree that it can be directly linked to how our parents talked
to us when we were growing up. Throughout our childhood experiences of
interacting with our primary care givers, we imitate the parenting we
received inside our own heads, continuing the practice of praising,
disciplining, etc. One of the ways that shows up is as that critical
inner voice. It's also possible to have a nurturing, supportive voice but
this softer, gentler voice for most people is drowned out by the louder,
critical one.

In addition to self-criticism,
I notice there are times when it seems everything going through my head
is negative. No one around me is doing anything right, things are going
wrong, and the world is a dark and scary place. When my inner self-talk
goes down the fear spiral my mind can really go to town with what's going
on with the economy, and how I have been affected personally.

The 'what if's' completely
take over and my inner neighborhood becomes a dark storm of disastrous
possibilities that show up as loss, scarcity and catastrophe.

The good news is we can
actually change our inner self-talk AND we can change what comes out of
our mouths. Catching the inner critic before it starts beating us up and
shifting our words to nurturing, supportive direction, like a coach would
give, can lead to more positive outcomes in our lives. Being conscious,
deliberate and intentional about what we say and what we think takes
raising awareness, making a choice and acting differently.

Raising awareness starts with
becoming an observer of yourself, noticing what you're saying to
yourself, how you're interpreting situations, and what is actually coming
out of your mouth, especially at those moments when no one is there to
witness it. I have found the practice of journaling to be very useful in
this. There are times when I don't feel comfortable telling another
person what I'm really thinking, but I would write it in a journal I knew
was safe from the eyes of others. Once my thoughts and words are down on
the page I can often see how my thinking is distorted.

Once I have recognized a
negative or disempowering pattern, I can make a different choice. But
what choice do I make? After all, my best thinking got me here. It can be
really helpful in the beginning to get input from an objective friend or
advisor since we can't always be objective about ourselves.

For example, I told a friend
of mine that not as many people have been signing up for classes lately.
She reminded me that I could look at this as something personally to do
with me or I could more accurately conclude that people are reserving
funds because of the economy.

I realized she was right. If I
take it personally, it feels negative, discouraging and disempowering,
but with the latter interpretation I can look at it as an opportunity to
do some work that I haven't had time to do because I've been teaching so
much.

Acting differently, of course
means we don't just raise our awareness and do nothing with it, it means
we follow through and declare our new interpretations out loud. It's a
way of establishing a new pattern.

The most powerful way I have
found to make these ideas work for me is by being proactive vs. reactive.
If I wait for the moments when my thoughts are negative and self-critical
it is much harder to direct myself to a positive direction, but by
deliberately choosing to be gentle and supportive of myself as a matter
of course, I can create a positive foundation to build from.

To do this, I have developed a
daily practice of saying positive, uplifting and empowering statements to
myself as soon as I wake up in the morning (typically the most negative
time of day for many people). Statements like these are commonly called "Affirmations"
because they are validating a positive truth we wish to emphasize and
expand.

The most gratifying result for
me is a reduction in fear and depression, in spite of the constant influx
of negative input so prevalent lately in the news and by doing this on a
daily basis I have started a new, more positive pattern of thinking that
leads to raised self-esteem and more positive outcomes.

Whatever you sow with your
mouth is what you shall surely reap. Sow a positive, inspiring and affirm
the Word of God to your life always. According to the adage: “The power
of life and death is in our (tongue) mouth”. Think about that.