Spinning Vortex Fun Club

March 1989

THE EDDIES SAY "WOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOH NEEEELLLYYY!!"

The Swirling Eddies would like to extend their heartiest "Wooooow Nellllyyyyyy" to All our new club members. In our first newsletter you'll find interesting articles about your favorite Eddy, concert information, fun facts and an order form for Swirling Eddie T-Shins, videos, special recordings, etc. This order form is designed to entice you to spend hundreds of dollars on brick-a-brak, gaudy junk, and useless paraphenalia so that the Eddies can live comfortably in big houses over-looking the ocean.As a new band, The Eddies know just how important it is to cultivate loyal, enthusiastic fans, and so we wish to thank each and everyone of you for your membership. We believe the Swirling Eddies Spinning Vortex Fun Club and Mutual Admiration Society will be one of the best clubs ever, and you the fan are the essential ingredient. Without you, the Eddies would be nothing but a bunch of spoiled Rock n''Rollers driving fast cars, living in luxurious houses, and having the pick of any girl they wanted So, from the deepest recesses of our guts comes another hearty "Woooooh Nelllllyyyy" to "Eddy fans everywhere !!!!!!!!

WE GET LETTERS, LOTS OF LETTERS!

Dear Eddies,

Love your first album! Though I can't tell from the cover photo, my guess is that you guys are wearing spandex pants. Do you plan on wearing them on stage at your live performances?

Just Curious,
Cindy Holtz
New York, New York

Dear Cindy,

No rock star worth his weight in spit would be without spandex pants. Of course we all wear spandex wherever we go, but our pants are specially designed . Each pair comes equipped with a built in mini-fog machine, so that wherever each of the Eddies may be - on stage,at the laundry mat, in bed, etc. we'll be surrounded by rock fog.
-Ed

Dear Eddies,

I have the rock hair like the Eddies, the rock pants, the rock shirt, and the rock shoes. Am I missing something?

Woooh Nelllyyy!
Brian Craig
Chicago, III.

Dear Brian,

You're missing plenty, pal! Our "Swirling Eddie Junk Pile" order form will get you on the right track to being the 'Eddie Freak' you were born to be. Order the "Swirling Eddies Tooth Paste" and you'll not only have the rock hair, the rock pants, the rock shirt, and the rock shoes, but you'll have the rock breath too!

Hey Eddies!,

Your album "Let's Spin" is totally awesome ! My whole family enjoys it. In fact, my dad is so into it he hasn't quit spinning now for three months. He's lost his job, and my mom and I are a little concerned. What should we do?

Help!
Jessy Carol
Little Rock, Ark.

Dear Jessy,

Your father is suffering from a disease called C.O.T.F. (Curlys on the Floor). The best remedy for C.O.T.F. is soothing gentle music. For Swirling Eddies C.O.T.F. however, a certain kind of gentle music is needed, namely Swirling Eddies music ! In our order form you can order the cassette tape entitled "Swirling Eddies Mellow". The same songs found on "Let's Spin" are on this tape, however each song has been rearranged into mellow, relaxing instrumental tracks guaranteed to calm the savage beast !
Don't delay- at $6.00 plus shipping and handling , you can't afford not to help your father. We want him to become a productive citizen again ! -Ed.

MEET....CAMARILLO EDDY
Camarillo Eddy was born, at the age of three, to several swarthy fugitive Eskimo couples. His first spoken words were, "Cheese it, the cops ! " Running away with the circus at age fourteen, Camarilio (known at the time as "Karloada the Mighty Penguin Boy" because of his pasty white, soft, almost formless hands) was an instant hit at the Southern Tunisia Wild Hair Festival.

Ever the rambler, Eddy left the circus and moved to New York in 1964. where his experimentations in atonal dadaistic composition earned him a punch in the stomach from the then mayor Jimmy Walker, played by Bob Hope. "My idea was to capture collective hysteria and spells violently of that time", says Camarillo with a high-pitched grating laugh reminiscent of Monty Hall's live in maid. Cam adjusts his hunch and continues, "Those were tough times. I lived on carpet lint and mud pies."

Eddy's musical influences changed drastically when, in 1967 on his way to Los Angeles, he ran over the 1910 Fruit Gum Company's tambourine player, and drug him 362 miles before stopping. "I thought I might have a flat , so I got out to take a look. Here was this funny little guy with a beehive hairdo, caught in the bumper of my car. I looked into his face and he says to me- I'll never forget this as long as I live- He says 'Can we stop at a Stucky's?' I got back in my car and drove to the very next Stuckys, another hundred miles or so up the road. The whole experience was incredibly ethereal. It changed my life."

Indeed it did! Cam began to write and record more "accessible" songs and scored a giant hit in 1968 with "The Green Berets" under the pseudonym "Sgt. Barry Sadler". A fairly successful off-broadway musical,"Midgets, Ho!" led to a lifelong friendship between Cam and Eric Clapton and, as the whole world now knows, the two went on to sing lead vocals on all of the Beatle albums. Few people know however, that during this period Camarillo originated the famous phrase "You're not the boss of me!"

In the spring of this year, Cam cultivated giant pods in his back yard and eventually the "Swirling Eddies" were born.

MEET....GENE POOL
Gene Pool is the first of a long line of test tube babies, gestated in the third series of xanthum oxide compounds (chewing gum rust). When he was a young boy of two, living in Hoboken, Gene won first place in a national "name that germ" contest. He was awarded a lifetime supply of specimen jars and an electric guitar. His guitar playing was soon good enough to prompt Camarillo into drafting Gene into the Swirling Eddies. Pool's fluid style of guitar playing has earned him the nickname "Slime Ball" and when he's really cookin' before a live audience, Gene has been known to leave glistening snail like tracks on the stage floor.
Gene makes his home in the swamp- not by or near the swamp, but actually in the swamp! The Eddies are planning several live appearances at Sea World this year where Gene's gill-like appendages will allow him to do some amazing aquatic nicks, adding an exciting dimension to the band's live act.

SPOT LIGHT ON "SPOT"

Little is known about the man called, simply, "Spot" and he, perhaps, will always remain an enigma to the rest of the members of the Swirling Eddies as well as the fans. A reclusive man of few words,Spot refuses to talk about his past,hinting only that "Ruth Buzzy was and still is a big part of it".That's all anyone knows.

BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS........

"So I come back to where I began, to that other king, one Jesus; to the Christian notion that man's efforts to make himself personally and collectively happy in earthly terms are doomed to failure. He must indeed, as Christ said, be born again, be a new man or he is nothing. So at least I have concluded having failed to find in past experience, present dilemmas, and future expectations any alternate proposition. As far as I am concerned, it is Christ or nothing".

Malcolm Muggridge
"Jesus Rediscovered"

"Let's have a Burger Bash!"

NEXT ISSUE...

You won't want to miss our next exciting newsletter! You'll meet our final three Eddies- Arthur Fhardy, Berger Roy Al, and Hort Elvison, and you'll learn how you can win a telephone call from your favorite Eddie , along with an exciting dinner for two at a luxurious Macdonalds restaurant near you! Stay tuned..........

EDDIES CONCERT INFO..........

Look for the Swirling Eddie's live concert at a Universe near you!!!!!
Details Forthcoming.