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Esukyū Ikikata No Chinō Shisū: Hontō No Atama No Yosa Towa Nanika

Emotional Intelligence was an international phenomenon, appearing on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year and selling more than five million copies worldwide. Now, once again, Daniel Goleman has written a groundbreaking synthesis of the latest findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are “wired to connect” and the surprisingly deep impact of o Emotional Intelligence was an international phenomenon, appearing on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year and selling more than five million copies worldwide. Now, once again, Daniel Goleman has written a groundbreaking synthesis of the latest findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are “wired to connect” and the surprisingly deep impact of our relationships on every aspect of our lives.
Far more than we are consciously aware, our daily encounters with parents, spouses, bosses, and even strangers shape our brains and affect cells throughout our bodies—down to the level of our genes—for good or ill. In Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman explores an emerging new science with startling implications for our interpersonal world. Its most fundamental discovery: we are designed for sociability, constantly engaged in a “neural ballet” that connects us brain to brain with those around us.
Our reactions to others, and theirs to us, have a far-reaching biological impact, sending out cascades of hormones that regulate everything from our hearts to our immune systems, making good relationships act like vitamins—and bad relationships like poisons. We can “catch” other people’s emotions the way we catch a cold, and the consequences of isolation or relentless social stress can be life-shortening. Goleman explains the surprising accuracy of first impressions, the basis of charisma and emotional power, the complexity of sexual attraction, and how we detect lies. He describes the “dark side” of social intelligence, from narcissism to Machiavellianism and psychopathy. He also reveals our astonishing capacity for “mindsight,” as well as the tragedy of those, like autistic children, whose mindsight is impaired.
Is there a way to raise our children to be happy? What is the basis of a nourishing marriage? How can business leaders and teachers inspire the best in those they lead and teach? How can groups divided by prejudice and hatred come to live together in peace?
The answers to these questions may not be as elusive as we once thought. And Goleman delivers his most heartening news with powerful conviction: we humans have a built-in bias toward empathy, cooperation, and altruism–provided we develop the social intelligence to nurture these capacities in ourselves and others.
From the Trade Paperback edition.

Emotional Intelligence was an international phenomenon, appearing on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year and selling more than five million copies worldwide. Now, once again, Daniel Goleman has written a groundbreaking synthesis of the latest findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are “wired to connect” and the surprisingly deep impact of o Emotional Intelligence was an international phenomenon, appearing on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year and selling more than five million copies worldwide. Now, once again, Daniel Goleman has written a groundbreaking synthesis of the latest findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are “wired to connect” and the surprisingly deep impact of our relationships on every aspect of our lives.
Far more than we are consciously aware, our daily encounters with parents, spouses, bosses, and even strangers shape our brains and affect cells throughout our bodies—down to the level of our genes—for good or ill. In Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman explores an emerging new science with startling implications for our interpersonal world. Its most fundamental discovery: we are designed for sociability, constantly engaged in a “neural ballet” that connects us brain to brain with those around us.
Our reactions to others, and theirs to us, have a far-reaching biological impact, sending out cascades of hormones that regulate everything from our hearts to our immune systems, making good relationships act like vitamins—and bad relationships like poisons. We can “catch” other people’s emotions the way we catch a cold, and the consequences of isolation or relentless social stress can be life-shortening. Goleman explains the surprising accuracy of first impressions, the basis of charisma and emotional power, the complexity of sexual attraction, and how we detect lies. He describes the “dark side” of social intelligence, from narcissism to Machiavellianism and psychopathy. He also reveals our astonishing capacity for “mindsight,” as well as the tragedy of those, like autistic children, whose mindsight is impaired.
Is there a way to raise our children to be happy? What is the basis of a nourishing marriage? How can business leaders and teachers inspire the best in those they lead and teach? How can groups divided by prejudice and hatred come to live together in peace?
The answers to these questions may not be as elusive as we once thought. And Goleman delivers his most heartening news with powerful conviction: we humans have a built-in bias toward empathy, cooperation, and altruism–provided we develop the social intelligence to nurture these capacities in ourselves and others.
From the Trade Paperback edition.

Here are some interesting quotes from the book:
“When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us, explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt, they activate in us circuity for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequences. Emotions are contagious. We catch strong emotions much as we do a rhino virus, and so can come down with an emotional cold. Every social interaction has an emotional subtext. Along with whatever else we are doing, we can make ea Here are some interesting quotes from the book:
“When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us, explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt, they activate in us circuity for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequences. Emotions are contagious. We catch strong emotions much as we do a rhino virus, and so can come down with an emotional cold. Every social interaction has an emotional subtext. Along with whatever else we are doing, we can make each other feel a little better, or even a lot better. Or, a little worse, or a lot worse…”
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
-Marcus Aurelius
I also found the following facts very interesting:
-Those with an ongoing personal conflict are 2.5 times more likely to get a cold.
-Ongoing personal conflict puts people in the same category as vitamin c deficiency or lack of sleep.
-4.2 times more likely to get a cold if you are isolated and have few social connections.

4 out of 5

Don–Nov 24, 2008

In my ongoing exploration of emotional intelligence, I decided to give this book a try in an effort to build my own skills at recognizing and responding to social situations. I learned early into reading this that I had chosen the wrong book. Goleman goes into a fair amount of depth explaining the neurological basis for our emotional reactions to social stimuli, but doesn't extend the discussion to how we can build the ability to read social situations and modulate our own behaviors and response In my ongoing exploration of emotional intelligence, I decided to give this book a try in an effort to build my own skills at recognizing and responding to social situations. I learned early into reading this that I had chosen the wrong book. Goleman goes into a fair amount of depth explaining the neurological basis for our emotional reactions to social stimuli, but doesn't extend the discussion to how we can build the ability to read social situations and modulate our own behaviors and responses to elicit a desired outcome. Admittedly, once I realized my error I skimmed the rest of the book, so I may have missed something.

5 out of 5

Melissa–Jun 22, 2010

This book is very fascinating to me. It is research is neurobiology and is filled with wonderful research and data about how different parts of our brain affect change in our social behavior. It also has quite a bit of research about how early trauma effects brain development and can later effect styles of communication.
I think this should be required reading for all 10th graders. I say 10th graders because I believe they are at the place developmentally to really absorb and implement what Golem This book is very fascinating to me. It is research is neurobiology and is filled with wonderful research and data about how different parts of our brain affect change in our social behavior. It also has quite a bit of research about how early trauma effects brain development and can later effect styles of communication.
I think this should be required reading for all 10th graders. I say 10th graders because I believe they are at the place developmentally to really absorb and implement what Goleman is saying.
I wish I had read it in 10th grade. My life would have taken a different trajectory.
I always think about how the classroom should focus more on "social politics" if you will or a course called "what really matter" or "what they didn't tell you on the SAT's".....
Because at the end of the days it is one's ability to navigate complex social structures that affords one "success" in most economic and social systems.

5 out of 5

Lulu–Mar 27, 2008

My friend and I started reading this book at exactly the same time, one year ago. I made a comment to him over coffee 2 or 3 weeks ago about some trivia I had gleaned from Social Intelligence, and asked what he thought of that particular chapter. His reply was priceless (on many levels). He sighed and whispered "I am STILL reading it!". I leaned in an whispered, "SO AM I!". We agreed completely on these points: 1. This book is not good enough to devour, but not bad enough to give up on. 2. Eithe My friend and I started reading this book at exactly the same time, one year ago. I made a comment to him over coffee 2 or 3 weeks ago about some trivia I had gleaned from Social Intelligence, and asked what he thought of that particular chapter. His reply was priceless (on many levels). He sighed and whispered "I am STILL reading it!". I leaned in an whispered, "SO AM I!". We agreed completely on these points: 1. This book is not good enough to devour, but not bad enough to give up on. 2. Either both of us, seemingly intellectual minds, are not quite as intellectual as we believe OR this book is simply a shell game. 3. We will never finish the book. Oddly enough, we are living proof of many of the points Daniel Goleman is attempting to make...the longer two people interact....they mirror one another. The irony of it all!

5 out of 5

Polly Trout–Jul 11, 2008

Goleman and I share a common passion for the places where spiritual practice and psychology overlap, and his work fascinates me. In both "Emotional Intelligence" and Social Intelligence" he shows how we can use our conscious minds to rewire our neurological response patterns, thus increasing the quality of our lives. In other books, Goleman explicitly talks about his belief that spiritual practices, like meditation or chanting, work because they rewire neural circuits along healthier pathways. T Goleman and I share a common passion for the places where spiritual practice and psychology overlap, and his work fascinates me. In both "Emotional Intelligence" and Social Intelligence" he shows how we can use our conscious minds to rewire our neurological response patterns, thus increasing the quality of our lives. In other books, Goleman explicitly talks about his belief that spiritual practices, like meditation or chanting, work because they rewire neural circuits along healthier pathways. This book does not deal with it directly, but if you understand that framework it provides a lot of food for thought along those lines.
For example, Goleman discusses "The Three Styles of Attachment," which are partly inherited and partly sculpted by social/parental influences in infancy and early childhood. He writes,
"Our childhood leaves its stamp on our adult ardor nowhere more clearly than in our "attachment system," the neural networks that operate whenever we relate to the people who matter the most to us. As we have seen, children who are well nurtured and feel their caretakers to empathize with them become secure in their attachments, neither overly clingy nor pushing away. But those whose parents neglect their feelings and who feel ignored become avoidant, as though they have given up hope of achieving a caring connection. And children whose parents are ambivalent, unpredictably flipping from rage to tenderness, become anxious and insecure."
So the three attachment styles are anxious, secure, and avoidant.
It is interesting to compare this theory side by side with the Buddhist theory (also found in some strains of Hindu philosophy, like the Yoga Sutras) that in order to become fully established in wisdom and compassion, we need to transcend both attachment and aversion. I think some people misinterpret this to mean that we need to cultivate emotional aloofness, an "avoidant attachment style" in the above paradigm. I think it is more useful to see the middle path as analogous to the "secure" attachment style -- centered, grounded, and avoiding the two extremes of clinginess (attachment) and aloofness (aversion). The secure attachment style allows us to enjoy both intimacy and solitude. The anxious person clings fearfully to intimacy and is not able to learn how to joyfully embrace solitude, while the avoidant person is unable to fully experience intimacy. The secure person joyfully embraces bothy intimacy and solitude because she knows how to stay centered in the radiant core of her true being.
I personally believe that we have both biological and spiritual dimensions, as does all of life. Goleman's work interests me because it gives me concrete ideas for how to more effectively tinker with my biological self, so that I can more fully live in my spiritual self.

5 out of 5

James Lamp–Jul 26, 2011

This book is supposed to be the sequel to Emotional Intelligence. Goleman further argues that IQ is a poor way of gauging intelligence or how successful someone will be in life. This book is full of neuro-science, brain physiology and psychological studies involving children, medical and psychological patients, inmates and ordinary people. He explores such ideas as emotional contagion, social rewiring of abused and neglected youths, the Us vs. Them mindset, how humans form attachments to others, This book is supposed to be the sequel to Emotional Intelligence. Goleman further argues that IQ is a poor way of gauging intelligence or how successful someone will be in life. This book is full of neuro-science, brain physiology and psychological studies involving children, medical and psychological patients, inmates and ordinary people. He explores such ideas as emotional contagion, social rewiring of abused and neglected youths, the Us vs. Them mindset, how humans form attachments to others, facial expressions and autism, romance and how our social well being affects our biology and physical well being. An overarching theme in this book is that our early social experiences with our parents and family and friends in childhood dramatically affect our temperaments and the ways in which we react to various social encounters, but that this is not destiny, that it can be changed. It was a pretty good read if psychology interests you.

4 out of 5

Trish–Feb 03, 2010

This was interesting, but not as incisive as his earlier Emotional Intelligence. It seemed a collection of chapters heading in a direction, but never really pulling it all together. I did learn a few things...the heavy-duty emotional work of the brain is generally done on the left side, and that the most important part of reaching attunement with another is through eye contact. It seems like we should know this, and we might say "of course," but sometimes it is the simple things that are the mos This was interesting, but not as incisive as his earlier Emotional Intelligence. It seemed a collection of chapters heading in a direction, but never really pulling it all together. I did learn a few things...the heavy-duty emotional work of the brain is generally done on the left side, and that the most important part of reaching attunement with another is through eye contact. It seems like we should know this, and we might say "of course," but sometimes it is the simple things that are the most important things to remember. He doesn't give us direction on how to develop more social intelligence, and spent perhaps a little more time than I liked on deviant behaviors. I have enough trouble trying to figure out everyday relationships without getting into the mind of the sociopath next door. But I'm sure the most troubling deviant behaviors propels much of the research, so we are likely to have that end of the bell curve as part of the discussion.

4 out of 5

Blerina–Dec 04, 2012

Anyone interested in understanding of why we feel what we feel, and what happens in our brains in different social circumstances and social interaction should read this book.
The examples Goleman brings here are those we witness everyday everywhere. Reading this book has helped me a lot to reconsider in a wiser way how my behaviours are affecting others around me and vice-versa. It has a lot of research data that some might also find it tedious.
As somewhere at the end of the book says, simply put Anyone interested in understanding of why we feel what we feel, and what happens in our brains in different social circumstances and social interaction should read this book.
The examples Goleman brings here are those we witness everyday everywhere. Reading this book has helped me a lot to reconsider in a wiser way how my behaviours are affecting others around me and vice-versa. It has a lot of research data that some might also find it tedious.
As somewhere at the end of the book says, simply put, know how to 'act wisely'.

5 out of 5

Anna Andres–Jun 09, 2014

Its a book about a concept invented by Daniel Goleman: "Social Intelligence". Too shallow and academic, it does not actually explain the specific details for becoming socially intelligent. One of those bla bla bla books.

4 out of 5

Jeremy–Feb 18, 2009

Not a fast read by any means, but full of insight. A lot of it simply adds jargon and technical context to things you may already know deep down, but it's comforting to hear it from a scientific/researched point-of-view.

5 out of 5

Elizabeth Theiss–Apr 16, 2018

Goleman reviews a good deal of familiar territory from his work on emotional intelligence and happiness studies. What’s new here is that be links this work with recent studies in neuroscience to reveal the neural basis of social behavior.

5 out of 5

Nitin Vaidya–Jul 01, 2017

Finally Its Done!!! How fascinating this book was !!!An extremely complicated read with so much biology in it, took a lot of time to finish but it was very good. A must read book for all the people who want to understand relationships more deeply.

5 out of 5

John Stepper–Feb 18, 2017

An excellent introduction to "interpersonal neurobiology" and the neuroscience underpinning our interactions and relationships.
The scope of applications in the book is extremely broad - from parenting and sex to prisons and the workplace - so not every chapter may interest you. But it is a great primer and provides ample motivation to dig deeper. The notes alone make for delicious perusing.

4 out of 5

Dav–Apr 27, 2011

Goleman, a science writer for the New York Times, does a great job of making accessible the impact of neuroscience research on modern understanding of psychology in social matters. This was one of the most personally interesting books I've read, as large swaths of it were directly applicable to my life. For example, the impact of parenting styles on neurological development of children and the passages that led me to understand that I had at least a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome n my younger Goleman, a science writer for the New York Times, does a great job of making accessible the impact of neuroscience research on modern understanding of psychology in social matters. This was one of the most personally interesting books I've read, as large swaths of it were directly applicable to my life. For example, the impact of parenting styles on neurological development of children and the passages that led me to understand that I had at least a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome n my younger years. Additionally the general subject matter of how two brains intertwine physiologically when people interact, especially in situations of romance and friendship, is directly applicable to my current professional endeavors.
The only reason I'm not giving it 5 stars is because I would have preferred more details had been pulled from the footnotes into the main text. It's not as bad as a Gladwell book, but it could have gone deeper into the details. I bought an electronic copy before returning the book to the library, as I expect to return to this repeatedly. It also has served as a starting point for further dives into this area of research. The book I'm currently reading, Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions, came from tracking down some research referenced here.

4 out of 5

Dayla–Feb 26, 2013

I believe this is the book that was the "break out" for Daniel Goleman. He is the guru for Emotional Intelligence. We used to call these 'social skills" and on report cards were not weighted with "letter grades" or rubric scores. It was more like "acceptable" or "non-acceptable." My request would be that if knowledge changes so much every year, and as it turns out according to Goleman, people only get fired from jobs because of their lack of "social skills," what aren't we changing schools aroun I believe this is the book that was the "break out" for Daniel Goleman. He is the guru for Emotional Intelligence. We used to call these 'social skills" and on report cards were not weighted with "letter grades" or rubric scores. It was more like "acceptable" or "non-acceptable." My request would be that if knowledge changes so much every year, and as it turns out according to Goleman, people only get fired from jobs because of their lack of "social skills," what aren't we changing schools around to teach only social skills and "how to access information" skills.
Dear Dr. Goleman,
You haven't hit the goal, man. (Get it?) Please press on until social skills have taken ahold of the American Educational system like no other. You and Michelle Rhee should unite!
Sincerely,
Dayla Sims, Ed.D.

5 out of 5

J–Jan 01, 2009

I originally thought Goleman's Emotional Intelligence was his best work. Now I am not so certain. Comparing the two books, the most notable difference between the two has to do with the first book's style as being more authoritative. I think this is because Goleman was on new ground. He was explaining the emergent science of emotional intelligence.
Social Intelligence offers a more relaxed delivery regarding how the brain works in social interactions. It also offers insight regarding group think I originally thought Goleman's Emotional Intelligence was his best work. Now I am not so certain. Comparing the two books, the most notable difference between the two has to do with the first book's style as being more authoritative. I think this is because Goleman was on new ground. He was explaining the emergent science of emotional intelligence.
Social Intelligence offers a more relaxed delivery regarding how the brain works in social interactions. It also offers insight regarding group think. I have found it useful in dealing with my students, coworkers, and as a resource for some of my writing material.

4 out of 5

Sean Kottke–Mar 08, 2012

Not as laser-focused or as immediately useful as Emotional Intelligence, it's really a survey of the state of the art of social psychology and emotional neuroscience, as seen through the lens of positive psychology. The descriptions of how things are supposed to work and what's not working when they don't are strong, but practical strategies for nurturing social intelligence in individuals or organizations where it is underdeveloped are not as well-defined as in Goleman's E.I. books. A good read Not as laser-focused or as immediately useful as Emotional Intelligence, it's really a survey of the state of the art of social psychology and emotional neuroscience, as seen through the lens of positive psychology. The descriptions of how things are supposed to work and what's not working when they don't are strong, but practical strategies for nurturing social intelligence in individuals or organizations where it is underdeveloped are not as well-defined as in Goleman's E.I. books. A good read, nevertheless.

4 out of 5

Bashir–Dec 15, 2010

One of the best books I read this year. Very well researched look at the way human brain processes social interactions. Very useful in understanding the underlying biological forces that determine our relationships with people and how you can use the knowledge to affect those relationships.

4 out of 5

Klwycoff–Jul 16, 2009

Daniel Goleman really opened a near area of social and emotional intelligence - the idea that books smarts is not the end all, be all. Great read for parents and anyone who is interested in the "other side" of intelligence.

5 out of 5

Saeed Mashaal–Nov 13, 2012

Its good read, suggested for every social scientist. It equips individuals with some methods and practices to understand the society in a better way in terms of human relations.

4 out of 5

Charlotte–Apr 14, 2011

great. first book i read on the topic. Had my interest from start to end and gave me lots to think about in-between.

4 out of 5

Katrina Sark–Sep 11, 2014

"When the eyes of a woman whom a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine, but not when she looks elsewhere."
In effect, being chronically hurt and angered, or being emotionally nourished by someone we spend time with daily over the course of years can re-fashion our brain. These new discoveries reveal that our relationships have subtle yet powerful life-long impact on us. Thus how we connect with others has unimagined significance.
Whe "When the eyes of a woman whom a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine, but not when she looks elsewhere."
In effect, being chronically hurt and angered, or being emotionally nourished by someone we spend time with daily over the course of years can re-fashion our brain. These new discoveries reveal that our relationships have subtle yet powerful life-long impact on us. Thus how we connect with others has unimagined significance.
When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us, explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt, they activate in us circuitry for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequence. Emotions are contagious. We catch strong emotions much as we do a cold.
Every interaction has an emotional subtext.
Amygdala triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response to danger.
The brain responds to an illusion created by the film with the same circuitry as it does to life itself, even on-screen emotions are contagious.
The movies we watch commandeer our brain.
Rapport exists only between people. We recognize it whenever a connection feels pleasant, engaged and smooth. But rapport matters far beyond those fleeting pleasant moments. When people are in rapport, they can be more creative together, more efficient in making decisions.
Shared attention is the first essential ingredient. As two people attend to what the other says and does, they generate a sense of mutual interest, a joint focus that amounts to perceptual glue. Such joined attention spurs shared feelings. One indicator of rapport is mutual empathy. Both partners experience being experienced.
At one point he seemingly re-injured himself. If the other person happened to be looking the supposed victim in the eye during the injury, that person winced, mimicking his pained expression. But people who were not looking at the victim, were far less likely to wince, even though they were aware of his pain. When our attention is split, we tune out a bit, missing crucial details, especially emotional ones. Seeing eye to eye opens a pathway for empathy.
Attention in itself is not enough for rapport. The next ingredient is good feeling evoked largely through tone of voice and facial expression. In building a sense of positivity, the non-verbal messages we send can matter more than what we are saying.
The eyes offer glimpses into a person’s most private feelings. More specifically, the eyes contain nerve projections that lead directly to a key brain structure for empathy and matching emotions.
When two people’s eyes meet, they have inter-linked their orbital frontal areas, which are especially sensitive to face-to-face cues like eye contact. These social pathways play a crucial role in recognizing another’s emotional state.
Buber coined the term I-It for the range of relations that runs from merely detached to utterly exploitative. In that spectrum, others become objects. We treat someone more as a thing than as a person. Psychologists use the term “agentic” for this cold approach to others, viewing people solely as instruments to be used toward our own goals.
That ego-centric mode contrasts with communion, a state of high mutual empathy where your feelings do more than matter to me, they change me. While we are in communion, we stay in-sync, mashed in a mutual feedback loop. But during moments of agency, we disconnect. When other tasks or preoccupations split our attention, the dwindling reserve left for the person we’re talking with leaves us operating on automatic, paying just enough attention to keep the conversation on track. Multiple preoccupations take a toll on any conversation that goes beyond the routine, particularly when it enters emotionally troubling zones.
A person’s capacity for attuning – wanting to enter and understand another person’s inner reality. Psychoanalysts use the term “inter-subjectivity” to refer to this meshing of two people’s inner worlds. The phrase I-You is a more lyrical way of describing the same sort of empathic connection. As Buber described it in his 1937 book on the philosophy of relationships, “I-You is a special bond. An attuned closeness that’s often found between husbands and wives, family members and good friends. The everyday modes of I-You reach from simple respect and politeness to affection and admiration, to any of the countless ways we show our love. The emotional indifference and remoteness of an I-It relationship stands in direct contrast to the attuned I-You. When we’re in the I-It mode, we treat other people as a means to some other end. By contrast, in the I-You mode, our relationship with them becomes an end in itself.
Our brain registers social rejections in the very area that activates when we’re hurt physically.
Distress and separation and joy and bonding both bespeak the primal power of connection. When our need for closeness goes unmet, emotional disorders can result. Social rejection or fearing it is one of the most common causes of anxiety. Feelings on inclusion depend not so much on having frequent social contacts or numerous relationships, as on how accepted we feel, even in just a few key relationships.
At the extreme people with no capacity for empathy become psychopaths. But the far more common sub-clinical variety live among us, populating offices, schools, bars, and the routine byways of daily life.
Our ability to repair a disconnection, to weather an inter-personal emotional storm, and then re-connect again is one key to life-long happiness. The secret lies not in avoiding life’s inevitable frustrations and upsets but in learning to recover from them.
In a parent-child relationship where attunement of any kind occurs rarely and the parents are emotionally uninvolved with the child. Such children encounter only frustration in trying to get empathic attention from their parents. The absence of looping and hence shared moments of pleasure or joy increases the odds that a child will grow up with diminished capacity for positive emotions, and in later life will find it difficult to reach out to other people. Children of such avoidant parents grow up skittish. As adults, their expression of emotions is inhibited, particularly those emotions that would help them bond with a partner. In keeping with the model that parents displayed, they avoid not just expressing their feelings but also emotionally-intimate relationships.
The human mind depends on categories to give order and meaning to the world around us. By assuming that the next entity we encounter in a given category has the same main features as the last, we navigate our way through an ever-changing environment. But once a negative bias begins our lenses become clouded. We tend to cease on whatever seems to confirm the bias and ignore what does not. Prejudice in this sense is a hypothesis desperately trying to prove itself to us. And so when we encounter someone to whom the prejudice might apply, the bias skews our perception, making it impossible to test whether the stereotype actually fits.
When It becomes You, they turn into us.
Emotional contagion means that a goodly number of our moods come to us via the interactions we have with other people. In a sense, resonant relationships are like emotional vitamins, sustaining us through tough times and nourishing us daily.
The marital researcher John Gotman has found that in a happy stable marriage a couple experiences about five up-beat interactions for every negative one. Perhaps that same five-to-one ratio is an approximate golden mean for any on-going connection in our lives. We could in theory do an inventory that evaluates the nutritional value of each of our relationships. If say the ratio were reversed with five negative for every positive interaction, the relationship would be in urgent need of mending. A negative ratio of course does not necessarily mean we should end relationships just because they are sometimes or even too often difficult. The point is to do what we can to alter the troubling behaviour for the better, not banish the person.
Now that neuroscience can put numbers to that raw buzz of fellow feeling, quantifying its benefits, we must pay attention to the biological impact of social life. The hidden links among our relationships, our brain function, and our very health and well-being are stunning in their implications. We must reconsider the pat assumption that we are immune to toxic social encounters.
Strong distressing states like disgust, contempt, and explosive anger are the emotional equivalent of second-hand smoke that quietly damages the lungs of others who breathe it in.
In this sense, social responsibility begins here and now. When we act in ways that help create optimal states in others, from those we encounter casually to those we love and care about most dearly.
Nourish your social connections.

4 out of 5

Becky–May 25, 2018

When I first picked up this book it was super interesting. The case studies were engaging. I'm new to the whole neuroscientific part of psychology. This book explained it in basic terminology. I have always thought that our emotional make-up and was partially due to our upbringing and the environment we're bought up in. It's nice to see some evidence to back that up.
As the book went on, I started getting a bit restless as it got repetitive. It took me a whole month to read the damn thing. I felt When I first picked up this book it was super interesting. The case studies were engaging. I'm new to the whole neuroscientific part of psychology. This book explained it in basic terminology. I have always thought that our emotional make-up and was partially due to our upbringing and the environment we're bought up in. It's nice to see some evidence to back that up.
As the book went on, I started getting a bit restless as it got repetitive. It took me a whole month to read the damn thing. I felt like my time was wasted where I could have been reading something much more interesting but my stubborn self just had to finish it. Each topic was dragged out to a couple of pages of beating around the bush and saying whatever it was through a 100 different ways.
The case studies/stories were sometimes interesting; they were pointing to the whole theory that the amygdala provides low road response, the prefrontal cortex contributes to high road response and we mimic as synchrony to create closeness - I swear we know that already? It throws in all these keywords like thalamus, OFC and then repeats them a kazillion times. That's probably how normal people learn: through repeatedly visualising new concepts in different scenarios. I just don't think this book was engaging enough to imprint this knowledge the way it was set out to do. It was a total snore mid-point onwards. Yes, I definitely learnt a couple of new things but the general topics this book highlighted didn't really feel 'groundbreakingly new' or even different to the information that "The power of Habit" or "Thinking Fast and Slow" offers. I felt like I'd read most of what the author wanted to express in the first half of the book and the rest was just there to pack the book thicker.
It just wasn't as enlightening as the hype set it out for.

5 out of 5

Alfred Timothy Lotho–Jul 25, 2018

This book delivers what the title promises to deliver. It talks about social intelligence and how our relationships with each other affect every aspect of our life (and our communities). There are lots of interesting discussions like 1) putting more compassion in delivering healthcare to patients, 2) performing restorative justice and "kind" correction to prisoners/wrongdoers so that they are changed rather than being punitive, which leads to making them return to old bad ways, 3) putting the hu This book delivers what the title promises to deliver. It talks about social intelligence and how our relationships with each other affect every aspect of our life (and our communities). There are lots of interesting discussions like 1) putting more compassion in delivering healthcare to patients, 2) performing restorative justice and "kind" correction to prisoners/wrongdoers so that they are changed rather than being punitive, which leads to making them return to old bad ways, 3) putting the human component - the relationship between student and teacher to make learning more effective rather than providing a generic methodology that treats the students as just objects/recipients. Most of the points provided some real stories instead of just presenting facts or scientific research and that is why it makes them easier to understand. Overall, I find this book useful; I just can't help comparing it to other books that were more effective in talking about the we-them relationship vs I-It relationships or some online articles that talk about putting compassion more into our own fields of expertise rather than being a robot, hence the 3-star rating.

4 out of 5

E.L. Powers–Mar 28, 2018

"Social Intelligence" builds on several of the key points Goleman made in his earlier books "Emotional Intelligence" and "Primal Leadership". However, there are some new insights, including the imperative of connecting with people as human beings through face-to-face and heart-to-heart communication on things that really matter. Drawing on numerous studies, Goleman examines how our brains are wired for altruism, compassion, empathy, and rapport. Social intelligence requires skills in both self- "Social Intelligence" builds on several of the key points Goleman made in his earlier books "Emotional Intelligence" and "Primal Leadership". However, there are some new insights, including the imperative of connecting with people as human beings through face-to-face and heart-to-heart communication on things that really matter. Drawing on numerous studies, Goleman examines how our brains are wired for altruism, compassion, empathy, and rapport. Social intelligence requires skills in both self- and social awareness, as well as listening, social cognition and concern for the feelings of others. Emphasizing the importance of new discoveries in neuroscience, he demonstrates how the power of social interaction influences mood and brain chemistry.
For the most part, this book is a fascinating read, grounded on evidence-based research, touching on topics from attachment theory to tolerance issues. For anyone questioning the division currently present in our societies and wondering what to do about it, this book is for you.

5 out of 5

Rufaida Mahajna–Jul 11, 2018

I rarely ever read this type of books, and this one, apparently, was a bad choice to "fix" it.
An exhausting amount of repetitive theoretical scientific explanations. I may not be the writer's target reader, but writing something that everyone can enjoy learning and reading is one of a writer's best qualities, in my opinion, even if he has a "different" idea.
The opining short stories of every chapter were great, though.

4 out of 5

Abhilash–Apr 12, 2018

One of my great mentor once said, knowing the existence of the feeling is one step closer to self awareness. I always wanted to learn about brain, how it works. This book presents lot of great information about how emotions are contagious, mirror neurons, parts of brain and their functionality and how brain process information, emotion and feelings.
Parts of the book can be little dull to me , but overall depth of the subject beats the dullness. This book made to my reread list!

5 out of 5

mirna sm–Jul 15, 2018

Reading this in 2018 might be a way too late.. his ideas have been talked and discussed on many books and talks that come latter. But it's still good reminder for us knowing how social interaction can determine your life. 'I and It' relationship may be one of the most common mistake that we do that makes why we feel 'hollow'.

4 out of 5

Leah Nadeau–Apr 20, 2018

Wooooooooow that was a lot of information and analysis! :) I loved it! It was like Malcolm Gladwell but x10. This was a very heavy read, I took my time with it reading a bit here and a bit there. There's a lot to learn and many many studies. A very interesting read about social intelligence.

5 out of 5

Adeline Pannadhika–Apr 01, 2018

Eye opening book to multiple intelligence area. Social intelligence is how we navigate ourselves through complex social interactions. It is different from emotional intelligence. In the era of collaboration work, social intelligence plays major part in human development.

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