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top five things you hear when you’re selling The Rosetta Stone

Tonight I am cleaning ALL the things in my room, which of course leads to many interesting discoveries. Leaving the bottom of my closet aside for the moment, here is one of my favorite items of the evening:

In a past life, I worked at a mall kiosk selling the Rosetta Stone language software. You hear a lot of stupid things when you work at a mall kiosk selling the Rosetta Stone language software. At some point during that summer I made a Top 5 list.

Top Five Stupid Things People Say to Rosetta Stone Salespeople

5. “Hey, I know someone named Rosetta/Rose Stone!”

Well… that’s nice for you, I guess?

4. “Where’s [insert store]?”

I know the words “Rosetta” and “Stone” can look a lot like “Information” and “Desk,” but you’ll find there’s a very slight difference.

3. “So how many languages do you speak?”

I am fluent in English and Idiot. Guess which one I’m speaking now.

2. Variations on a theme: “Why should we learn their language, they should learn English; They should all go back to Mexico where they belong; I hate Turks, if I see anyone buying Turkish I’ll kill ’em.” (That last was actually a real incident, I remember it to this day.)

You are not my target customer. You will find Douchebags, Ltd, down the hall.

1. “Hey, look, they sell English! I should buy that so I can learn to speak English. hyuk hyuk hyuk.”