Sunshine Blogger Award 2018

So, first of all, thank you to Angela for nominating me for this award. This awesome lady has been very supportive of my content. If it weren’t for my beard, you’d see me blush every time I read her extremely flattering comments.

If you’ve read my previous blogger award post you might remember that I’m not fond of following the rules too strictly. I will definitely answer all 11 questions, but I’m gonna do it my way. If you’re a nominee of mine, you should check out Gela’s post to see how it’s done properly. Although, I encourage adding your own creative spin to these tag awards to spice things up.

My questions for you guys to answer in your very own Sunshine Blogger Award post will be all the way at the bottom.

For anyone who’s interested, please enjoy this short story format answer to the Sunshine Blogger Award:

My shirt’s collar was unbearably tight. I kept fumbling with it and tried not to ruin the tie knot. There’s nothing worse than sitting in a grey, dimly lit room furnished with nothing but a chair and a desk in front of you, waiting for the interviewer to come in. A few more excruciating minutes of stress and anticipation passed before an old man finally entered the room.

“Sorry about the wait”, he said in a monotone voice as he sat down across from me.

The man spread an abundance of beige folders out on the desk, then crossed his hands and looked at me with patient, calculating eyes.

“The outcome of this interview might not be what you expect. I advise you to set aside your hopes and fears, and simply focus on the questions. Is that clear?”

“No, but I’m gonna say yes, cause I’m too awkward to ask for clarification. I’d rather figure it out as we go and then pretend I knew what was going on the whole time.”

“Excellent. Let’s begin then.”

The old man chose one of the folders, seemingly at random, and opened it up in front of him. I couldn’t see what was in it, but apparently it entailed the questions for the interview.

“I have been advised that you are a writer”, he began without looking up from the folder. “Have you always wanted to write? If not, how did you start?”

I had to think about that one for a second. There were multiple occasions where I “began” to write after long breaks of not touching a pen as if it triggered painful memories from a long ago war.

“In, uh, in third grade, we got a few creative writing exercises”, I began. “We received a snipped of a story, it was either the beginning, the middle, or the end. We had to choose one and then write whatever was missing to complete the story. I really liked it and apparently my teachers did, too. That was the first time I knew I enjoyed writing. A few years later a friend of mine got me into reading detective comics. You know, the kind where a group of kids solve crimes and that sort of thing. Eventually the same friend suggested we started our own detective book. We tried to work together but his pace was too slow for me. We barely got three lines written down. I was thirsty to write and couldn’t wait for him any longer. So we agreed to write our separate, individual stories and would read each other’s work. It was a lot of fun. At some point my mom got interested in reading what I write, and my father’s boss borrowed some of my stories, too. The writing was shit, of course. I was a hyperactive kid that had too many ideas in his head. All I cared about was getting the plot out of my head and onto paper, and I didn’t have the patience for even the slightest finesse in my writing. But these were definitely my first steps, and thanks to the support I received from family, friends, and teachers, I kept on going and, uh, hopefully improved.”

The old man closed the folder and set it aside.

“Interesting”, he mumbled, then reached for a different folder. “What has been your greatest life accomplishment?”

“Well, I’m hoping I still got something coming up, because so far there’s nothing very impressive on my record.”

“I still need an answer”, he said with one eyebrow raised so high it got lost in his wrinkled forehead.

“Ok, uhm, so, a couple months ago, I ate a huge burrito.”

“Is that it?”

“Yeah. Finished the whole thing.”

“Moving on”, he reached for another folder.

“Like, it was massive.”

“I said, moving on.” He let out a disappointed sigh before he read the next question. “What would you like to do if money was no object?”

“Oh, wow, interesting question. Uhm, I guess I would figure out what’s the most valuable thing that would be easy to come by, and then horde the shit out of that specific item.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you know, if money was no object then that thing would be the most valuable item everyone would want. I’d corner that market, like, people would pay me in food and whatever I want just to get that thing from my collection.”

“I believe you misunderstood the question. I wanted to know what you would purchase if you had an unlimited amount of funds.”

“Oh. Huh”, somehow that made the question tougher. “I don’t know. I guess, I’d buy more groceries than I’d usually do. Like, really go all out.”

The old man dropped the folder on the desk and shook his head as he reached for another. I had the feeling that this was going well. Although, I began to sweat and was worried he would notice the stains under my arms before the interview was over.

“Next question, and this will be very simple so there should be no misunderstanding”, he said without the slightest hint of a patronizing tone. “Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Why?”

“Can I say neither?”

“If you answer why.”

“I understand that Harry Potter was meant to be a children’s book, but the writing is just too childish for my taste. I don’t want to sound like I know what sophisticated writing is like. I sure as fuck am not sophisticated. But all of the stuff in Rowling’s universe is just her making up stupid sounding words. Like, oh here is the jimbly dimbly store that holds all the hagglewaggles that we need to cast the fiddledeee boomsplat spell. What the fuck are you saying, woman? I understand that fantasy has its own lingo, but only Harry Potter manages to sound silly and dumb.”

“And Lord of the Rings?”

“I’ve seen the movies and never got into it. Too longwinded for me, I guess, but I was younger then, and you know, a hyperactive kid. I could give it another chance. But Harry Potter can go snuckle my puckle.”

“A very bold statement, but will you be able to handle the backlash?”

“They’ll either make fun of my hobbies in return or march at me with pitchforks. I’m prepared for any punishment.”

“Doubtful”, he carefully selected the next file.

“Why don’t you put all questions in one folder? This seems like a waste of paper.”

He straightened his back to appear taller than before and looked down on me with a threatening glare.

“You may question my methods when you’re in my position. For now, you’re merely required to provide answers. This one will demand your full attention. I suggest you listen carefully.”

I nodded and felt my collar become even tighter.

“There’s an idea that it takes ten thousand hours to become an expert in any field. What are you closest to being an expert in?”

“This, uh, this is giving me the same challenge as the question about my life accomplishment. I don’t think I’m an expert in anything. Ten thousand hours, how many years is that? If I don’t count the time I’d spent at work then I might only have roughly five hours in a day to do the thing I want to become an expert in. Which means, in 365 days, that’s not even two thousand hours. With these numbers, I’d have to dedicate roughly five years to that specific task. You’d think at my age, getting close to thirty, I would have at least one thing mastered. But the truth is, I suck at being number one. If I was good at something, I was never the best. Now, that might still meet the requirement of an expert, but to me, an expert has to be among the best. Whether it’s writing, soccer, boxing, video games; I would never call myself an expert in those areas, because there are always multiple others way ahead of me. I might have a little talent in a few areas, but not a lot of expertise in just one. Sorry, I know this isn’t an answer you were looking for.”

“Indeed it wasn’t, but I’m lowering my expectations with every question.”

I pulled at my collar as the old man chose a new folder. I didn’t know how he kept track on which one was untouched, as the used files were lying on the table as randomly as the new ones. If he was playing mind games with me, I didn’t get it.

“What is your favourite book?”

“Alright, alright, I got this one. I’m just gonna say any book by Christopher Moore.”

“Any book sounds like multiple. Do you enjoy giving broad answers to specific questions?”

“Well, the thing is, although most of his books can stand on their own, he connects them all through little details. They are essentially in the same universe, and sometimes characters or references to his other books pop up. That’s why I’d treat all his books as one continuous story, rather than separate works. Moore is the kind of writer I want to be. He creates interesting stories and tells them with humor and suspense. If anyone has trouble getting into reading books because they get bored easily when nothing is happening, I highly recommend his work.”

“I suppose this is as good an answer as I can get from you today. We are halfway through here, so let’s move on. What did you think you were going to be as a child? Is it close to what you are doing now?”

“Oh, I had a few different expectations when I was a kid. I wanted to be a police officer or a lawyer, an author, and then an actor. It changed around a lot but stayed in the same ballpark. I guess with my own blog I get to call myself a writer. Yes, it’s all self-published on my own website, and yes I don’t have thousands of readers, but I think the point of being a writer is to write. Before my blog, nobody got to read my stories, and now there’s a handful of strangers that come along and get a taste of my stuff. I just started a few months ago, so who knows how much further my influence will grow in a year or two. This is as close as I’ve ever gotten to any of my childhood goals.”

“Very well. Now I’m assuming the next question will be a challenge for you, considering our conversation so far.”

“I appreciate your confidence in me”, I said, trying to lighten his mood. He ignored it.

“What has been the most useful lesson that you’ve learned?”

“That working hard to be successful only matters if that is what you ultimately want and makes you happy. There’s no point in working yourself to death so that you can die rich. If you don’t want to be the next Elon Musk, do whatever job that pays the bills and focus your valuable free time on things that you love.”

He didn’t say anything when he reached for the next file. I thought I impressed him this time. Maybe I could shift this interview back into my favour. This wasn’t a position I wanted to miss out on.

“Next question”, he began and cleared his dusty throat. “If you could time travel, would you rather travel to the future or the past?”

“Hmm, tough choice. Being a straight, white, male, I have nothing but benefits going back to the past. However, since old-timey diseases and barbaric medical practices don’t take these factors into account, I’d go to the future instead. They’ll have a better Wi-Fi connection, too.”

My body began to feel numb. I’ve been sitting in this position, barely moving, for far too long. But the stiffer I got, the more nimble the old man seemed to be. He reached for the next folder with the flourish of a young inspired artist waving a paint brush.

“We are almost done here”, he said and took a moment before reading the question. “Would you choose to join a project that aimed to colonize another planet?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“Sure. First of all, with the technology we’re currently at, there’s no way we’ll survive on that planet for long. Secondly, if we do have the means to make it through a lifetime on another planet like Mars, I’d be unqualified for colonization. You see, we’d need experts in specific fields: farmers, scientists, mechanics, engineers, architects, scholars, doctors, and so on. As we established previously, I wouldn’t be an expert in anything. I don’t have any kids either, so who knows if I’m even able to help with…you know…keeping the species going.”

“Final question”, he didn’t pick up a file at all this time. “What’s something about you, which no one else knows, that you love?”

“That is an interesting question. Right of the bat it seems easier for me to think of things that I hate. Something that I really like about myself is my ability to commit. You can see that in my diet of not eating sweets and candy. Sure, I would love to eat a whole damn cake, but I said to myself not to do that anymore and I’m sticking to it. I also only had three long-term relationships in my life. Basically, if I agree to do something, I’ll sure as hell do it, whether I like it or not. Only a few people that know me well are aware of this and consider me as very reliable, and that’s a pretty good feeling.”

We shared a moment of silence. Somehow, my collar didn’t feel as excruciatingly tight as it did before. The old man collected the files strewn across the table and got up.

“This has been an unusual process”, I said.

He didn’t respond and walked towards the door and opened it. The old man stayed there motionless for a long time.

“Those who came before you didn’t live up to their expectations”, he said finally and turned around to face me with stern eyes. “She’s been hurt a lot. I will not let it happen again.”

“I was just gonna take her out to a nice restaurant.”

He stepped out the door and paused before closing it behind him.

“I will tell my daughter that you’re here.”

“It was, uh, nice to meet you, sir.”

He closed the door and left me alone in the room again. I thought that went well, and got excited for my first date with this girl.

And finally, here are my 11 questions for my nominees:

Why did you start blogging?

How do you balance free time, blogging, and your job (if you have one)?

What games do you like to play? (Video Games, Board Games, Mind Games)

If you could live in a fictional world, which one would it be and why?

Which social media platform is your favourite and why?

If you could choose one brand or company to write freelance blogs for, which one would be your number one choice?

What are your thoughts on Daylight Saving Time?

Do you have pets? Tell us about them.

What is your worst habit that you can’t get rid of?

If you were to fight in a boxing match, what would be your intro song?

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lol my dad would ask WAY harder questions. My husband STILL has nightmares about when he had to ask my dad’s permission to marry me.

I’m not bringing a pitchfork, but this whole “not liking The Lord of the Rings” thing does hurt our friendship…Though I guesssss I’m willing to forgive you since you so kindly nominated me. 😉 The Lord of the Rings are my favorite movies of all time. Sure, I think the books can be longwinded…but I think it’s worth it to be able to experience the creative genius and immense detail that goes into Tolkien’s beautifully crafted world. He’s one of my biggest inspirations as a creator.

So. First off, can I commission you to write short stories only for me? Nothing crazy, like one every month or so. Haha I absolutely admire your writing style. I’ve never read ( I don’t think, at least) any Christopher Moore novels but I’d say your endeavor of wanting to be that type of writer is going well. You create or playoff worlds that make you want to reach out towards them. You want more, you know. And I was cracking up the whole time reading this!!! 😀 Best laugh I’ve had in a second. It is inspiring how creative you are and how you take what everyone else does and turn it into your template.
And that twist! At first, I was getting a bit of an Alfie Solomons talking to Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders vibe. Then I was totally getting a grim reaper interview vibe, whatever that is. But nope, it was a girl friend’s dad.. .which is definitely the most frightening. If that’s not suspense. . . .what is?
Also, I’m totally envious of your love for food (like finishing a massive burrito-is there anything else left in life for you to accomplish?) and your willpower of restraint (not eating sweets or candy???)-mind blown.
As for your colonize a planet answer- c’mon haven’t you ever watched Passengers? Everything worked great for those fictitious characters PLUS one was a writer. . . I think you should give it a second thought. Mars One needs ya, man. lol
But I love all of your answers so much. It was so funny reading your response to the HP or LOTR question!! :’D I could feel the passion behind your detest for Harry Potter hahah. Since you don’t like Rowlings writing for that series I highly recommend you check out her Tales of Beedle the Bard :p
My favorite answers were definitely the greatest lesson and the self-love ones. I had a friend who worked at this restaurant with me who once told me he doesn’t believe you have to “love what you do”. He didn’t love being a server/bartender, he said, but he loved being able to buy his art supplies and to go skiing. And being a server/bartender afforded that. So Amen.
It’s amazing you only started your blog a couple months ago. You definitely seem like you’re on your to expert territory! (Don’t worry much about the 10,000 hours theory. . .it’s not as accepted and fangirled over as it was once several years ago hahah)

Anyways, thank you so much for your kindness and support! It is always a blast to read your work, especially this time since you made my questions so much cooler than they were. P.S. I’ll be awaiting my personal short story lol

Your response, as usual, is very uplifting, motivating, and heart warming.
I used to write parody stories where my friends would be portrait as characters in it back when I was young. So there’s a chance that I can write a story with you and anybody you want to include in it. But my rates are high. Those burritos are very pricey.

Hmmm. . . not sure how to feel about the trope. Too Hallmark. Feel free to try something like, “Per usual, your response is painfully overdue, generic, and a bore.” Just feels more me,ya know?
I feel you. . .burritos are in high demand this time of year. So, probably won’t be able to afford it. Next time. Perhaps in spring when the buritto demand is less pressing.