The Soul Mate in Everyone: Attracting the One

“the one
who will jolt awake
all the unwritten
the unsung
and the unlived
in me.

i am waiting
for him.”
~ Sanober Khan

A deep and respectful love of the human race most certainly perpetuates (and compliments) our desire as individual souls to go out there on the frontier of this incarnation with the attitude that we’re going to learn some lessons together. We’re all in it together and the joy of experience is one we share.

However, I’m not sure we need to go in for stories of split souls or the perfect match being out there for us. Because, when we do, we often find we have played in to the illusion of time and reality and taken it too seriously. As Teal Swan points out in this video, everything in existence at the highest level has the potential to be your twin flame or soul mate.

Here are three ways in which we can remember that there’s potentially a soul mate out there for us in everyone:

Your mate directly reflects your self worth at that moment in time

The best way to attract a ‘soul mate’ could be to come as much into alignment with yourself as you possibly can and then forget about the whole shebang entirely. Living your truth means doing what you love, money aside, and following your bliss. This would be the best way to attract someone, because when they do eventually come along, then they’ll be the energetic match to your higher self, or at least the best version of yourself.
We all know that when you are attracting others, or forcing a relationship when you aren’t healed from the many others before it, it’s going to end in tears. If you have found yourself in a pattern of abusive relationships or ones that didn’t quite hit the spot and honour what you’re really all about then it’s time to be single until you can figure out what makes you tick.

Living your truth and following your bliss are also excellent self healing tools and being happy rather than moping around and waiting for someone to knock on your door is, let’s face it, a much better attitude to have. Enjoying being single and exercising gratitude for your solitude are also ways to shift the focus from lack on to love.

So, if there are levels to attraction, you’re going to attract the best match for you and they’re more likely to be who you really want, the more you are stating to the universe (by being at your best) that you are ready for them. Like a spiral of ascension, why not go for gold rather than wallowing around in the storm?

When you have them, stay detached

This doesn’t mean become emotionally numb or taking them for granted. It means recognise, that much like being at your best or living in your truth when you’re wanting to attract a mate, that the more you put in the more you get out. Are you being present and honest with this person?

Are you allowing them to shine and be the best version of themselves? If you can have several relationships with the same person, then that means that – as long as you’re both willing to grow and transform together – that you can rise and fall in frequency with that same partner.

Agree on certain goals or vows. Say you both agree to aid each other in your spiritual paths or to allow each other to grow. Then if either of you decide the vows don’t suit you anymore or that you’re bored of the relationship you can openly talk about it or decide to say goodbye.

Perhaps if we decide that person is your soul mate then they are. Perhaps this decision puts too much pressure on one of you. Surely the most exciting thing would be never to decide, or know. One thing that’s certainly clear, is that the level of maturity required to keep a loving relationship going is to stay respectful and never take them for granted.

The physical and material aspects of course tie you together, often in ways you don’t want to be tied down… ways in which all too often kill desire and make it a relationship of requirements. We also often see the relationship more from the outside, thinking that we’ll be letting family members down or will have failed in some way if we cut loose. But if we remember that relationships are just more in-depth mirrors in the illusion of reality than most, then we remain detached from them.

Where did this pressure to find your soul mate come from anyway? Oh yes, Hollywood movies and TV series, the anchors of entertainment that bog down the matrix with unrealistic desires us humans are meant to constantly pursue. Relationships can be another way to consume and keep us on the treadmill of the rat race. So beware.

Instinctively we know that, while a long term relationship where each other grows and learns a great deal from the partnership could be one of your main lessons in this lifetime, it doesn’t have to be. Often the greatest lesson, especially on the higher planes of the third dimension and moving up into the fourth, is how we sustain a good relationship with ourselves. A spiritual soul mate relationship really is up there on the highest levels of detachment and honour for another person… or aspect of ourselves.

Just the decision is enough

Certainly, just making the decision that you would like to be in a spiritual soul mate relationship can be enough. If you’re ready, you’ll know it. Whether you’re already in a relationship or not.

Do you want this lifetime to be about your experiences with your (current or expected) ‘soul mate’? Then do it. If you ask, you will receive, so it’s really all in the eye of the beholder (or perceiver).

Having said all this, there is an inextricable connection that many of us experience with one other person. And this person triggers in us both the feelings of home and the feelings of adventure simultaneously. Do they appear because we are ready for them, is it pre-destined? Perhaps our choice to experience a soul mate comes when we are ready and someone simply lines up for that experience too. Or perhaps it CAN only be that one specific person and no other will do. That’s certainly what it feels like anyway.

So the jury’s out. We’ll never know for sure. But then that’s what the mystery of love is all about. What we do know is that those shared moments with another are what we’ll remember and carry on into the next life. And who knows, maybe we will meet that particular soul in the next life too. It certainly is a romantic notion.

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Lauren Simpson-Green, who has had quite a few life-affirming spiritual experiences already, now passes her days trying to master one of the most challenging and rewarding spiritual experiences of all; being a mother to two children. Based in Devon, UK, she spends the rest of her time working on a children's book, practising yoga and making wool fairies and gnomes for her daughter's school fayres.