The run up to "Black Friday" has started, which this year includes a lot of advertising of "Black Friday Prices Now!" stuff and I just... bleh. This is the part of American Christmas that makes me want to give all the money I'd put towards presents to Heifer International and Donors Choose and give my loved ones a card that says "For Christmas this year I bought someone a cow and gave a fourth grade class a set of textbooks. Happy freaking Holidays." I understand that people want to save money and there are some good deals available but if I'm standing outside a store in freezing cold weather at some ridiculous goddamn hour of the morning, I'd better be getting a TV for free when I walk in. But I say that as someone who hates cold and mornings. And crowds. And useless shiny crap. This really isn't my season. Here's your Monday night TV:

8:00pm: "Antiques Roadshow" on PBS. 14th season fall premiere.

"Chuck" on NBC

"Dancing With the Stars" on ABC

"House" on Fox

"How I Met Your Mother" on CBS

"Little People, Big World" on TLC

8:30pm: "Little People, Big World" on TLC

"Monday Night Football: Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers" on ESPN

"Rules of Engagement" on CBS

9:00pm: "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" on Food Network

"Cake Boss" on TLC

"The Event" on NBC

"The Real Story of Thanksgiving" on History. This makes it sound like some kind of exposé on the pilgrims. Like one of those E specials where they talk about how everyone knew that Jebediah was high on ergot all the time and that he and his wife Patience hadn't slept in the same bed for at least a fortnight. I doubt it will be that entertaining.

"In Treatment" on HBO

"Lie to Me" on Fox

"My Big Friggin Wedding" on VH1

"American Master: LennoNYC

"Two and a Half Men" on CBS. How many more times does Charlie Sheen need to get caught with hookers and blow before this gets taken off the air?

"WWE: Raw" on USA

9:11pm: "Skating With the Stars" on ABC. Series premiere. The only reason to watch this, for me, is because the potential for catastrophic failure is so high. I'm amazed anyone ever thought it was a good idea unless the whole point was to clear the world of some reality stars for a while.

9:30pm: "In Treatment" on HBO

"Mike and Molly" on CBS

10:00pm: "Chase" on NBC

"Fabulous Cakes: Las Vegas" on TLC. Second season premiere.

"Hawaii Five-0" on CBS

"Public Speaking" on HBO

"Mario Lopez: Saved By the Baby" on VH1

"The World of Jenks" on MTV. One hour first season finale.

10:30pm: "Bret Michaels: Life as I Know It" on VH1

Late Night Listings

"The Late Show with David Letterman" on CBS featuring Natalie Portman, Jay Pharoah, and Jessica Simpson

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" on NBC featuring Dane Cook, Taylor Swift, and Keri Hilson