YUCK! Tastes like SHIT! Dont' do this.

Sitting here feeling festive, near Christmas and all. Fat on all the smoked meats I've been making (pork, ham & chicken) in my Texas Two-Stage Barbeque using 100% oak wood.

Think to myself "Mmmm, I think a glass of cold egg nog sounds really good right now." and then I think "Mmmm, I think a glass of whiskey straight up sounds really good right now." and the two desires play back and forth like the introduction to a REALLY good porn video until finally they both get naked and start getting jiggy together on my palate and in my imagination.

There, in my fantasy, the combination of egg nog and whiskey tastes exactly like Bailey's Irish Creme Liquor. So here's 2 jiggers of Egg Nog and follow that with 1 jigger of Whiskey and then just a tiny dash of instant coffee because I read a recipe once on how to make Bailey's Irish Creme and it called for a dash of instant coffee, and then I mix it up, plop my fat ass into my holey and completely disintegrated captain video computer chair and absent-mindedly start enjoying my faux Bailey's Irish Creme.

Someone shat into my cup. Determined, I pressed forward and continued to sip. NO, someone REALLY shat into my cop. It tastes just like cat shit. Well, I'm not going to waste 2 jiggers of perfectly good egg nog (during christmas), a full jigger of the cheap-shit whiskey that I bought for $12.00 for a liter, and a wonderful idea go to waste. And now I'm have drunk, and ranting online and embarrassing myself, my mouth tastes like a litterbox and I have 3/4 of a jigger of liquid diarrhea left to swallow. I'm stubborn that way. Don't do this at home. I'm a trained, professional dumbass. This is no place for amateurs.

I almost threw up in my mouth just reading whiskey, instant coffee, and egg nog together. That just sounds nasty. My favorite drink around the holidays is The oatmeal cookie. You should try it sometime!

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