Why The Spark Can Disappear – Response To E-mails

I receive many e-mails from people asking for advice about various issues. One issue that comes up time and time again in the correspondence is a partner losing interest in the bedroom or they themselves are finding that the spark has been lost.

There are many reasons for this and it doesn’t always indicate that someone no longer finds their partner attractive. Here are a few possibilities:

Tiredness and work stress

When you are tired your whole body is depleted of energy and is hard to feel turned on. Plus if you are not looking your best it’s unlikely that you will be feeling sexy and in the mood.

If you have work on your mind it can be difficult to switch off and get in the mood.

Performance Issues

Men can lose their sex drive if they feel inadequate so reassurance is needed. An angry partner who throws accusations or belittles their partners performance is only going to worsen the situation and drive them further away. Some men also suffer from body issues as much as women, so this can have an impact on their mojo as they may feel embarrassed that they are not at their physical peak or as toned as they once were.

Women’s Issues

Women can also suffer from a lack of sex drive. A large cause for a women to lose interest in the bedroom is having a baby, but other reasons could involve a lack of body confidence or feeling unsatisfied.

Women are more likely to withdraw from one sided relationships. If time in the bedroom is always about the mans needs and the women is not satisfied she will get bored over time and her interest in sex may diminish.

Whilst relationships in the honeymoon stage are new and exciting, after the honeymoon phase is over women need to be seduced. Men generally seduce themselves and tend to need nothing more than a thumbs up!

Kissing Is Magic

Women however have to get into the mood and require some level of intimacy to be turned on. If there is no kissing or touching and just a demand for sex, women feel pressurised and begin to see sex as a chore. Even if she is really attracted to her partner she may not be as eager for sex any longer.

We are at heart animals and we are fuelled by the dopamine reward system in the brain. Ie when we do something pleasurable such as try a certain food or enjoy sex, that feel good hormone dopamine is released and we want to do it again and again! That dopamine is like a drug! However if every time you eat a certain food or have sex with your partner the experience is unfulfilling and there is no dopamine release, there will be no urge to repeat the experience. It’s all chemistry!

The good news is that most problems in the bedroom can be solved. If it’s a sleep problem it’s possible to organise your time more effectively and get a a couple of early nights each week.

If it’s body issues, you can reassure your partner you love them just the way they are and try to build their confidence. After all it’s the person inside that counts, not how many ribs or muscles you can count!

Performance issues? This isn’t a male problem. If you are a couple it’s both your problem and something you should work on together with plenty of encouragement.

The Recipe For Love & Sex = Kissings + Cuddles + Stroking = Oxytocin

And guys, if you are a bit lazy and your partner is showing signs of boredom, read some articles about how to improve your skills and spend more time being intimate, ie kissing and stroking. Whilst someone might moan that they aren’t in the mood for sex, no one hardly moans that they don’t want to be kissed or stroked! If you are patient you will probably find it gets her in the mood! Cuddling, kissing and stroking all release the hormone Oxytocin – the love chemical that helps you to feel connected to your partner.

Look out for my next article coming soon about kink!

I hope this article has been of help and feel free to keep sending in your questions about sex, dating and any other issues you would like me to comment on or write about.