I’m feeling out of sorts. I was feeling euphoric after my last blog on Friday. I always feel euphoric after I write something, but the euphoria had started to fade yesterday.

I couldn’t visit my high-school buddy, who has cancer, for a week because I had a cold. I had a cold because my immune system was down. My immune system was down because I was stressed out. I was stressed out because of the constant delays and overcrowding on public transit.

Delays and overcrowding used to just happen during rush hour. Now delays and overcrowding happen all day. All day! I don’t know why the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) can’t fix this. I let the delays and overcrowding get to me, and caught a cold.

And then there’s Christmas. I am not in the Christmas mood, but I am going through the motions.

Yesterday, I felt I was okay to visit my buddy. I found out that he is at a stage where he is no longer receiving visitors.

Stop The World – I Want To Get Off

Those words came to me upon finding out I couldn’t visit my friend. It’s the title of a musical.

I want to get off the world for a bit. When I get back on I want the TTC to have fixed the delays and overcrowding; I want Christmas to be over, and I want my high-school buddy to be up and about and telling people how he almost died from cancer.

I like to think of myself as a human being who happens to be black. Frequently I am reminded, by hateful stares, that I am black and only black and that’s that.

Racism is pinned on white people. It’s as if only white people are racist. Racism is a human problem. All human beings can be racist, but white people are blamed for all the racism in the world. Racism is overlooked when it comes from a non-white person. There’s a double standard.

Several East Indian cashiers, at the two grocery stores I frequent, always give me hateful stares and will go out of their way to make things difficult for me. I try to avoid going to them, but sometimes I can’t.

The cashiers’ treatment and hateful stares reminded me that Gandhi, India’s great leader of freedom, was a racist. He saw black people as “savage.” My, my, Gandhi’s image has been whitewashed.

The other morning, I got on the elevator at College Park. An old white woman (Eastern European?) and an East Indian man got on with me. Both gave me hateful stares. I stood between them. To my right was the old white woman staring at me with hatred. To my left was the East Indian man staring at me with hatred. I turned and smiled at both, but they kept their hateful stares. (I am known for bringing out the best in people.) I was only going one floor, but it was a long elevator ride.

How wonderful that people from other countries come to Canada and bring their racist views with them. This is what allows Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to say, “Diversity is Canada’s Strength.” And I experienced an example of Canada’s diversity by having a white woman and a brown man hate me at the same time.

Why is the U.S. media obsessed with what goes on in Canadian politics? Americans were glued to their seats watching the U.S. media report on the four by-elections in Canada. The Liberals won three of the four elections with the Conservatives winning one.

U.S. media coverage of Canadian elections overshadowed a recent election in Alabama. I’m not sure who won.

And what’s with the U.S. media covering everything Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says and does. Trudeau can’t even go to the bathroom without the U.S. media reporting on how long he took and how much toilet paper he used.

If American politics wasn’t so boring, then the U.S. media would report on it instead of being obsessed with what goes on in Canada.

How easy for me to notice when other people cause their own problems. They self-sabotage. Some people will ask me for advice, argue with me when I give it to them, and then ignore it by choosing another course of action. The action they choose always makes matters worse for them. Then they whine and blame other people for the trouble they caused themselves.

These people are on a merry-go-round of self-sabotage. Round and round they go. They will come to me again to help them out of problems they created. They love drama and will go to great lengths to create it and wallow in it.

It took me awhile, but I’m aware of what they are doing. I don’t always get on their merry-go-round when they come to me for help. Besides, I am busy causing my own problems so I can complain and blame and wallow in my pain.

The more I look at other people, the more I see my self. How nice of these people to act as a mirror for me.

Here is what the Next Vehicle Information board looked like at the Sheppard West Subway Station on Saturday December 9, 2017, at 7:54 p.m. When working, this board gives the bus routes and times the buses are expected to arrive. Obviously there was some problem with no information showing.

Is the hashtag indicative of what the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) thinks about its customers when TTC equipment malfunctions?

When I started going to the YMCA, I was fresh meat. All the older gay men stared at me. As time passed, their staring stopped as they learned that I was straight.

But one man has continued to make sexual comments to me that make me feel weird, but the comments are funny. I will call this man Steve which is not his real name.

In order to see the humor what I am about to tell you, you have to remember that Steve always walks around the dressing room naked. He is not ashamed of his body. It’s almost as if he is advertising, “Here I am! You can have me.”

A few weeks ago, Steve came up to me while I was shaving in the washroom. Naturally, he was naked. He leaned towards me and whispered loudly, “Hey Gary, wanna see my dick?”

When I stopped laughing I said, “No, not today Steve. Maybe tomorrow.”

Several times since then he has said, “How about today, Gary? Wanna see my dick?”

I laugh when he says it, and when I think about it. I am laughing now as I write this.

Today, I was in the shower room alone when Steve came in. He immediately started singing “As Time Goes By” from Casablanca. I was naked! He was naked! And he’s singing a love song to me! Weird, but funny!

Another man came. Steve stopped singing and said to the man, “I’m just singing a love song to my boyfriend.” The man shook his head and laughed.

Steve likes to see how far he can go. He knows I’m good-natured. And, as I have mentioned before, I am proud that I am well-adjusted and not threatened by homosexuality.

Santa celebrates because there were no delays while he was on the subway

Today at 11:35 a.m., Santa Claus boarded the southbound Yonge subway at College. With him was his helper handing out candy canes, and two transit security officers.

Seeing Santa on the subway was not as amazing as seeing two transit security officers. I thought transit security officers only existed in posters on subway walls for me to look at when I am in danger. But there they were, two transit security officers protecting Santa as he walked down the train spreading goodwill.

Not once, while Santa was on the subway, was there a delay. Not once! How strange to have the subway move from station to station without stopping in the tunnel because of a delay . . .

“Attention TTC Customers: We are currently experiencing a delay while workers build new subway tracks. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.”

Thanks to Santa, I got to where I was going in good time. I wish Santa took the subway more often.

They asked why I wanted to die in the Fall, and wanted me to clarify the ambiguity of “leaving the world laughing.”

I’m sure I have blogged before about why I want to die in the Fall. I have a habit of repeating myself since my memory retired. Did I mention that I have a habit of repeating myself? But I can justify this incidence of repetition because my friends asked.

Besides being the opposite of Spring, in which I was born, Fall is beautiful with the leaves changing colors. But the beauty of the changing colors is because the trees are preparing for Winter, and have cut off chlorophyll going to the leaves. The leaves are changing colors while they are dying. What a glorious death!

I doubt whether I will turn such beautiful colors as I die, but I can pretend to do so by dying in the Fall.

. . . I will leave this world laughing.

As for the ambiguity in the ending of yesterday’s blog my friends asked, “Will you make the world laugh before you die, or will you be laughing when you die?”

My high-school buddy with cancer is heavily sedated. He spends a lot of time sleeping. When he is awake he is too weak to talk. A miracle would go good now.

What dreams or visions is he having? I’d love to know.

I have mentioned before that when it is my time to die, I will die in the Fall. I was born in the Spring and I will die in the Fall. Of course, Life may have other plans about when it leaves my body. I will have to go along with Life’s plans.

It is also worth repeating that I came into this world crying because I was young and did not know better. Now I am older. Now I am wiser. I will leave this world laughing.