SportsCrack Blog

Monday, April 21, 2008

These pictures come courtesy of The Big Lead which shows America's favorite non-playing Big Man drinking some of the finest Franzia wine at a house party on the campus of Penn State.

Holy shit! Don't these people even know Oden just played for Ohio State and deserves to be called a "faggot" for even deciding to attend Bucknut University? I thought if you attended State Penn you were no longer allowed to associate with anybody who even remotely identifies themselves with the Scarlet and Gray. These Nittany Lions are clearly impostors.

To be honest I'm really disappointed in Oden for this tame picture. NBA rookies, especially the #1 overall pick, should be doing lines off stripper's asses and making it rain. This frat boy shit with cheap wine is rather pathetic. In my world that is just another Sunday morning bible study class.

You remember those days when you would go to the zoo or park and see a couple of four legged freaks go at it and you would ask your Mommy: "Why are they fighting?"

And what would your Mommy say?

Of course she would say they are not fighting, it's just their way of showing their love for one another by ripping each other apart and rubbing fat men's tits while shouting "Red Sox suck!" See this is why I never want to hear a Yankee or Red Sox fan make fun of another team's fan. They will claim their passionate but everybody else with a functional frontal lobe of the brain knows that these people are really just psychotic douchebags.

I mean you can just see the sexual tension between these two fan bases. They really just need to fuck and get it over with already.

And if you are wondering why I posted this video it is simple: this rivalry obviously needs more publicity and exposure. I'm so sick of ESPN talking about the sweep of the Dodgers by the Braves(I was there yesterday, no fights but I did see a 60 year old man with a hilarious 80's rat tail) and can we please stop incessant talk and blabbering about the Western divisions in both leagues? I mean if I have to hear another story about Ichiro and Vladimir and how if they made love they would form the perfect beast of a ballplayer or hear about another Giants fans spitting on an A's fans because they live across the Bay with the "colored folks" I swear on Willie May's grave I will turn off the television. We need more Northeast coverage people!

What does the basketball say to the face? SLAP! The NBA Playoffs have kicked off and besides the Sixers beating the Pistons everything seems to be going as planned. The Lakers beat the shit out of the Nuggets with AI getting ejected and Laker fans showing their admiration and love for Carmelo while chanting "DUI, DUI, DUI." The Boston Celtics worked the pathetic Atlanta Hawks last night and Chris Paul showed why maybe he is the MVP after all by personally destroying the Dallas Mavericks in the second half. Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli survived the Suns in overtime thanks to some huge shots from both and the Jazz showed why they love their home court Mormon advantage by pasting the Rockets.

I'm still sticking with my original prediction of Spurs over the Celtics in the Finals but I must admit the Lakers look really good. And I heard Kobe isn't raping anybody when he goes back to Colorado so he shouldn't be a distraction. And don't judge Kobe for his past trangressions in the Rocky Mountain High State. At least he isn't a car fucker...although that clip of him jumping over a car might have just been foreplay.

It's been way too long since I've seen these 5 guys back together doing actual comedy. The Kids in the Hall was some of the funniest shit on Comedy Central back in the 90's and if you have never seen their underground hit movie "Brain Candy" I would highly recommmend it. Some of the greatest one-liners to ever hit the big screen are in "Brain Candy" and I believe I watched the film about 100 times in college. And no, it's not a stoner's movie, but it might help a little bit if you toke some beforehand. Just kidding, meth should do the job.