Harrison’s Gone, Our Gingham’s Dead: Fune Plans Have Begun

Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to pay respects to Scandal’sHarrison Wright (aka Brolivia Pope), Gooning Gladiator in Gingham. He came, he read Olivia for filth, he banged Adnan and conquered nothing really. He wore mismatched ties and shirts, suspenders like no other and sometimes, we saw that his yansh was SITTING in them dress pants like the wheels on the bus that go round and round.

He shall be missed, even though we hardly knew him. He’s survived by his colleagues at Olivia Pope and Associates, and his maybe parent, Rowan Pope. Harrison’s gone, our gingham’s dead! Shoutout to my girl Veronica for that line. She let me borrow it.

*looks up*

Oh hey yall! I was just writing Harrison’s eulogy. Do you like the program? You know since I made James one, I had to do one for him.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Columbus Short was told to pack his dereon duffle and bounce off Shondaland. He’s been outchea showing his ass in the past couple of months, sullying his good name and being a prime candidate for some Iyanla fixing. Being accused of assaulting your wife and threatening to kill her and you is a big deal so I do not blame Shonda, the Scandal team and ABC for snatching the rug from under him. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone even though it was just confirmed today. Miss Cleo could have seen that coming.

His recent uncouth behavior and run-ins with the law had folks more nervous than Coolio’s hair braider. We knew he was risking his job. I even wrote about it last week when I talked about how he needs to get some behavior before he ends up unemployed and unemployable in the future.

Ennehweighs, I’ma just assume that Harrison is good and dead because when we last left him in the finale of season 3 of Scandal, SSA Tom was about to make his head target practice.

MMHMMMM!!! Clearly, he ain’t make it out alive. Some people are talmbout maybe he’s in the hole. Chile, I guess but I ain’t got time for that. I think we got a funegoon to plan. I’ve already called the Ursher Board and they’re currently sewing up gingham gloves for the services because we gon need to honor Harrison’s legacy.

We might not know for sure but I like to be prepared. We’ve started making plans. There are strict instructions that folks are gonna need to follow.

Dress Code

Everyone needs to show up to the services rocking something gingham on them. Picnic blanket-chic is the dress code, so please come respecting our wishes. Your ensembles must remind us of gorgeous spring days in Central Park otherwise you ain’t rocking them right.

The gloves are what the pallbearers and ushers will be in.

Ladies and gentlegays, please tuck in your thirst. Don’t come to this fune tryna get chose because since Harrison was FAHN and you figure he got FAHN friends who’ll be feeling vulnerable as they mourn. The ushers have procured extra modesty cloths for some of you who will show up looking like jezebels. We ain’t playing witchu. >__>

Catering

Last time we had Sister O’Dell cook, the whole choir was out for 1 week because of food poisoning. Jesus didn’t want that for anybody so this time, we won’t be having any greens. And we’re still debating on who’s gonna cook the ‘tater salad. You know everyone can’t make it right.

With that being said, we’ll be needing Fanta (aka any orange soda), California rolls (because Harrison looked like a man who enjoyed sushi but didn’t wanna be too risky), pound cake, gluten-free peach cobbler (Pastor’s trying out a new diet), chicken (again, baked and fried), mac and cheese (and iSweaterGAWD if it comes from a box, you gon be relegated to teaching the Sunday school kids for 5 weeks).

Music

We need to make sure this fune is live and in charge. Kirk Franklin and the Family will be on hand to give us a rousing version of “STOMP (the yard).” Ladies, if you’re in click clacks (stilettos), refrain from jumping too hard. We don’t need you messing up these new floors that the building fund paid for. We will have auditions for folks who would like to sing too and that’s Wednesday at 7pm. We only have time for 4 selections because this ain’t the Showtime for Apollo. And please come with your music ready.

We’re working on flying in Boyz II Men. I figured Rowan would like that. They can give us “It’s so hard to say goodbye” and “End of the Road.” It’ll be touching.

The repass will be immediately following the services at the Olivia Pope and Associates office.

Chile, this season 3 of Scandal was stressful, man. All these folks were dying left and right. Let’s take this time to pour out some liquor (or red wine) for them and our fallen Gladiator. They shan’t be forgotten. Well, maybe Lil Jerry but we gon keep James and Harrison in our hearts.

It does suck that it had to be this way though. I need to know who’s gonna be our eye candy on Scandal now. Jake is only a sometimes segzy dude. He ain’t reliably FAHN. I wonder if he’ll be replaced. We need another dude who we’ll be a creep for.

Ennehweighs, what songs do y’all wanna hear at Brother Harrison’s funeral? What are y’all bringing to the repass?

P.S. Rest in Peace, Brother Brolivia Pope. We hardly knew ye but we were rooting for you. Say wassup to James, Justice Verna and Lil Jerry.

P.P.S. I guess you can say Columbus fell short. BADUMTSSS! I’m here all night folks! Tip your waitresses! No but really. All of this is highly unfortunate (and I’m not celebrating it). I want him to get whatever help he needs to fix his life and I wish his wife is able to heal from whatever trauma she’s dealt with (at his hands or otherwise). It’s hard out here in these streets.

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LMAO! Noooooooo! Not the church punch?! I hated that stuff, lol! I guess since I’m commenting, I’ll go to Brother Harrison’s funeral too. Might as well. I wanna see the thirsty Jezebel’s clearly defy Luvvie’s instructions to leave their thirst at home.

I’ll bring the popcorn. Because I’m from Cleveland, and the last time I was home, no funeral was complete without a fight. I’m not a Scandal watcher, but I’m sure this will be no different.

*Dabbing the corners of my eyes* I wanna sing ‘Feel Like Going On’ for the funegro. Speaking of going on, I motion that we petition Ms. Shonda that she hire Michael B. Moore to take up the gingham mantle. He could be Harrison’s little brother coming to D.C. looking for answers and falls in with Pope’s crew.

“Harrison Goes Hollywood” reads the headline on a paper lying on Olivia’s OPA desk. Shutter clicks, and we see Harrison taking a nap poolside at the Betty Ford clinic cuz his ‘ordeal’ with Tom and PapaPope is an ultimatum – get outta town or 6 ft underground. To be continued in Season 5, I think, to give Short time to grow… up.

I’ll bring the pound cake and sweet tea, you know they prep us southern girls for repast duty from the womb…. Poor Harrison. We never knew you, but I’ll miss staring at your abs during gratuitous shirtless scenes.

Knowing Shonda being gone from the show doesn’t equal dead so I’ll hold off on calling Weeping Wanda but if Harrison has gone up yonder he won’t be seeing Verna. She is firmly in Hades playing bid whist with Big Jerry.

Can I be an usher? I want to hand out fans with MLK on one side and an advertisement for the local funeral home on the other. Also, I’ll bring the vegetable Jello mold, made with green Jello, of course.
I’ll be dressed in the finest Loudmouth dot com gear I can find!
Let the party begin. Wait…

I think it is the show’s failure that we never got to know Harrison. We know Huck’s backstory, and God knows we’ve had all the Quinn we can stand, but I feel like Harrison never really had a moment/subplot. At the same time, maybe the 4th season would have been his if things had turned out differently.

Agreed. too much damn Quinn and not enough Harrison. And just when they were starting to give us a lil sumn, this ijot starts acting out. As my friend said this morning, he needs to go ‘discover’ some restraint and anger management classes. Domestic violence is NEVER ok.

Goodness gracious Mz Luuvie, what us gonna do wifout our hot plaid Daddy to swoon out about at every week? Could I please be included in the funeral? I want to be one of the ladies who wears the old fashioned nurse uniform (including hideous white stockings) who walks around with the tissue box. I’ll be faithfully waiting for your response.

Clearing throat and belting out “The upper rooooom” I am about to contact a good COGIC seamstress and hat maker to hook up my funegoon ensemble because I will not be shown up again. And gluten free cobbler bis not the business! Tell passa that he can cheat on his diet on this solemn occasion. I will be bringing sugar free cheesecake for the senior choir since most of them have diabetes.

Promise I’m sitting in the Post Office waiting to do my passport trying not to act out in front of these people. Luvvie and the Luvvies (yahssss I named us) make me smile, laugh, cry, get looks from people….let me gather my composure and act like I got sum sense.

I have not laughed this long, nor this hard in a long time. Thank-you EVERY commenter for the FUN!
I also hope that Columbus Short and his soon to be former wife are well in the future. He needs to really take stock of his life and seek the help that is apparent he needs.

I gonna get my Sista Johnny Mae, Sista Roberta Mae and Sista Peter Marie and we gonna stop by “Harpo’s” and get “Slug” and we gonna march into the church for the processional sing “God is tryna tell yuh sum’thang” everyone is invited to join the line; Passah says that the ushers make sure everybody cuts thems “corn-nahs” right and don’t lose their step – yah’ all try to stay in step…We can turn our robe collahs on the purple gingham side for the choir and ushers wear your ivory laced purple gingham hanka’chefs and matching gloves. Remember Ephesians 6:7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men. Greeting people in a warm way makes them feel good about their presence in church. Be a great welcomer to the house of God.

[…] humor writer Luvvie Ajayi, who become popular for live-tweeting the show each week, created a mock-program for the character’s funeral service that quickly became popular on Facebook and Instagram. […]

[…] and humor writer Luvvie Ajayi, who become popular for live-tweeting the show each week, created a mock-program for the character’s funeral service that quickly became popular on Facebook and Instagram. […]

This was epic! I loved every word. I was dead @ “had folks more nervous than Coolio’s hair braider.”
I think this will be a highly attended funeral. Good thing I ordered my Gingham dress http://www.ebay.com/bhp/womens-gingham-dress. I am looking for a contrast color gingham shoe to make to outfit pop. I will also be wearing the obligatory over sized church hat.
Whatchu mean there won’t be any greens? There just has to be greens. Also, I didn’t see any mention of a potato salad. I guess I will bring it along.
With the way this service is laid out it seems as though it will be highly attended. I hope you have the valet parking set up. I am not trying to trek across the parking lot in my good heels.

On a serious note, I am sorry to see Columbus go and also hope he seeks out some help to get himself together. I also hope that we have some good eye candy to enjoy next season.

you figure he got FAHN friends who’ll be feeling vulnerable as they mourn. The ushers have procured extra modesty cloths for some of you who will show up looking like jezebels. We ain’t playing witchu. >__>

[…] the season four premiere as Black Twitter dragged him for doing just that? The actor posted blogger Luvvie Aijay’s funeral program for Harrison (above) on Instagram before he tried to sort through a range of emotion that came tumbling out — […]