“It’s our right as American’s to know exactly how Bin Laden died,” Trump said. “How do we know he didn’t die of old age? Or syphilis like Al Capone and my cousin Morty. And where exactly did he die? I’ve heard from reliable sources that he died in Kenya, not Pakistan.”

Trump continued his rant for twenty minutes while his current wife gamely stood beside him trying, unsuccessfully, to make a recognizable facial expression.

While speaking at Lou-Lou’s Pancake House in Mobile, Alabama, former Half-Term Governor Sarah Palin cautioned President Obama. “Let’s not get those Mission Accomplished signs up too soon, Mister President. Sure, Osama Bin Laden is dead, but Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi and Lisa Murkowski are still alive.”