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the other day i posted that I have been married for a number of years, am hiv +, couldnt bring myself to tell my wife, and always have protected sex with her under the guise of "not wanting kids yet" (she doesnt use birth control).

Well she needed to get a thorough blood test for a new job she is applying for and the blood test includes an hiv test. I was nervous.

I was vague with the details in my last post, because you never know who is watching, which is why some of the story my have been confusing to you.

Anyway, i said that her test was cmong back "next week" but it came back NEGATIVE yesterday.

Last night, I cooked dinner for my wife, roses candles and all, and told her that I am +.

She said "do you think I love you any less? You lied to me, yes, but I understand why. DOnt feel like you have to lie to me. I am your wife and we are one. We will grow old together. I love you."

I for one am glad this worked out for you. I am glad that you told her, and that she accepted you. You are a very lucky fellow, please count your lucky stars. Congratulations on your wife's negative status. Good luck.. D

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Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. Calvin Coolidge

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. Calvin Coolidge

Glad your wife is negative. I said about the same thing to hubby when we found out he has AIDS. Told him that we were in this together and that I loved him. Not sure what "else" I would have said if I found out that he knew before we got married and didn't tell me. I'm sure I would have said a whole lot more!

ok i have seen a reply that says "too weird to be believed" and "she got tested wednesday and got her results thurs?"

ok here is the deal. I know at least 3 poz people. And they know poz ppl. Who knows if they look at these boards. That is why, in the original post, some of the details were murky. I am not going to put all my busniess out there and i dont need to completely spill my guts anyway. the gist of what you need to know, you already know. Now, my wife DIDNT get tested this week, and i will not reveal the date other than to say it was last week. again, imagine if my wife told someone "i got tested for hiv for a government job on "X" day. and then i go post "my wife got tested on "X" day. Now remember, i had not told her yet that i was positive. So, with the world being as small as it is, what if someone who somehow knows us was like "hey "____ mentioned she got tested for aids for a government job. this MUST be her husband. I am telling!"

amd no, that short blurb i wrote about her response to me being + was not her entire response to me telling her, but it was all this forum needs to know. some things are meant to stay between a man and his wife, and she wants us to keep my status between us.

So your murkiness here is based on: what if...of the three or so people you know who are positive, one or more of them ALSO happen to visit this website, and ALSO happen to read your thread, and ALSO happen to work with and/or know your wife, and ALSO happen to have had such a conversation with her about getting tested for her job (which, I guess brings up the additional ALSO that she would have decided to initiate such a conversation with someone in the first place), and ALSO happened to be the sort of person that would take the reading of your post and her conversation and become so certain that the people in question had to be one in the same, and that it was ALSO his/her place to step forth out of the blue to perform the grand reveal in all of this, and ALSO....

If you were being truthful with us, then I truly am happy for you that your wife accepted you, but I just don't understand how you could actually have dated, romanced and married another human being without telling her you that were HIV positive. Am I missing something here? Relationships are about honesty, and you were dishonest from Day 1. Your wife must be an incredibly forgiving person, and you are REALLY lucky to have her, my friend.

ok i have seen a reply that says "too weird to be believed" and "she got tested wednesday and got her results thurs?"

ok here is the deal. I know at least 3 poz people. And they know poz ppl. Who knows if they look at these boards. That is why, in the original post, some of the details were murky. I am not going to put all my busniess out there and i dont need to completely spill my guts anyway. the gist of what you need to know, you already know. Now, my wife DIDNT get tested this week, and i will not reveal the date other than to say it was last week. again, imagine if my wife told someone "i got tested for hiv for a government job on "X" day. and then i go post "my wife got tested on "X" day. Now remember, i had not told her yet that i was positive. So, with the world being as small as it is, what if someone who somehow knows us was like "hey "____ mentioned she got tested for aids for a government job. this MUST be her husband. I am telling!"

amd no, that short blurb i wrote about her response to me being + was not her entire response to me telling her, but it was all this forum needs to know. some things are meant to stay between a man and his wife, and she wants us to keep my status between us.

I read the above after posting my first reply. Now that I have read it, I am absolutely disgusted. You misled her, and you misled us. There are no excuses.

What a scam. If I hadn't told the person I have been with for several years that I was poz from the beginning and lied and took away their choice I would expect nothing less than a serious ass kicking and would expect to be dumped not so much for having hiv but for being a complete and utter lying bastard. Just my own opinion.

xtente: the more posts you post the more I'm inclined to discount their content as false or fraudulent. There's something yarn-spinnin'-esque to it all and I know I am one among a small host who perceive you similarly. New little things such as your wife getting tested for "aids" -- it would be HIV not AIDS that blood is tested for. But I've been curious for a couple of days, and intended to ask earlier, exactly what type of work does someone do for our government for which they are required to have an HIV test? Have yet to apply for any work, government or otherwise, that has required an HIV test. And, I'm with Wishihadacat, Joe and others, that you would have HIV and not tell someone to whom you are married is a huge lie, unconscionable and ah well, I'm sure beyond there's more, or, even as likely, less, to this story than we all might envisage. I am truly so tired of seeing the impact of lying outright and lying by omission hence my commentary here. Your sociopathic tendencies frankly scare the crap out of me.

Well... i don't know why everybody wants to be "owner of the truth" on this thread. Give him a break... plus, this is "His virtual story", he is the only one able to know if it is true or not... come on... let him be. We can only comment on what is written, thats it. Ok... perhaps your previous posts have been a bit... agressive xtente and that pulls the nerves of some people. I wish you would be more careful with your words so others will react nicely to your posts (a friend's comment simply).

Although i would say... don't blame him for telling his story the way he did nor for lying (even though that was way too bad... but i have met in real life people who has done that and more), i know once we become positives we all have fears,... fears of who could see us, hear us, touch us and "realise" we are poz just because of that. Fears we could not live long lifes nor marry nor find love and we fall in negation. He has the fear someone will read it over the internet... then FINE. It is his right and i guess none should argue about it... otherwise change your avatars and put your real faces. I have same fear and i have two blogs with my name and my pictures over the internet and saying clearly i am poz (in two languages).... we all have fears, i though you all would understand it.

As for the rest, i won't break my mind trying to guess if he is true or not, i am not detective, i am just a person who reads other person is going forward in his life and got over the biggest fear we have... disclosure. Better late than never. I am glad your wife accepted you and i am glad you finally came out of the closet.

That's it.

Juan Carlos

(who is not making a storm in a glass of water.... virtual glass of water by the way)

I have said it before and I will say it again for the record. I don't believe xtente is telling the truth. I ask anyone passing judgement on others for questioning his veracity to go back and read all his posts. Even the most liberal reading will provide you with enough evidence to show that there are more holes in his story than a slice of swiss cheese. I respect the forums and the members too much not to call him on it. If I am proven wrong I will be the first to apologize. This is my opinion and no one has to believe it, but I have the same right as everyone else to post it.

Yes mother Hen Juan Carlos, we should accept everything and everyone in blind faith. Yeah right. Though people like this poster exist to some extente, there are many pieces to this story that just do not fit. I see a lot of these women in my line of work, and it takes lots of months of couples therapy for things to return to normal. Many leave, especially if they do not need to depend financially on the non-discloser. If this poster actually did what he says, he did, I have no respect for him. Because trust, even if flawed is the most important aspect of a relationship. To me, this poster neither loved, nor respected this person enough to put her above everything else. The farce thickens.

I don't know wether it is true or not what I do know is if I was her I probably would have kicked his ass, packed a bag and hit a hotel or friend/family's house 4 while. I'm not sure if over time I would have forgiven him but I damn sure wouldn't have forgiven him that night on the spot.

"Honey I love U, that hasn't changed, what has changed is that now I don't trust your ass" smack smack smack

U should feel blessed Xtente that it wasn't me, but either way good luck.

As for what the issue refers I am not asking any one here to believe xtente... but what's the point of so much discussion? have you realised Dachshund you are discussing about something you might never solve? with someone you might never meet? ..... it sounds weird to me.

well you are ruight in one thing. this board gets seen by a lot of people and it gives poz people a bad name to be associated with someone who has lied to his wife for so many years whether that story is true or not. you wrote that you justified condom use with not being ready for kids i don't know how old you are but unless you are in your early 20s putting off kids for so many years with a false excuse - the truth is if you got her pregnant the kid might well be poz - is just low [i will not conjure up more adjectives]. but in retrospect isn't it lucky that you don't have a kid in this mess poz or not? i will not congratulate you which i normally would because frankly i feel quite sorry for, and scared for, your wife. not because you lied, for a deeper more fundamental reason even. good luck to her

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

As for what the issue refers I am not asking any one here to believe xtente... but what's the point of so much discussion? have you realised Dachshund you are discussing about something you might never solve? with someone you might never meet? ..... it sounds weird to me.

Well... in fact, i am not going to discuss about this issue either.

Have a good night, you all. I already put my 2 cents.

Juan Carlos

If that is your reasoning then every denialist, quack or emotionally disturbed person should be given free reign to post what they like no questions asked. Bad advice or incorrect information given to a worried well should be let to stand just because no one is the "owner of the truth." Whether you choose to discuss it or not is of little consequence to me because as I stated earlier I will continue to call em as I see em...because sometimes two cents ain't worth a plug nickle.

If never meeting someone is the criteria for discussion then why do we offer any advice at all? We might as well shut the whole thing down. People do weird things for weird reasons over the internet. I'm for 100% freedom over the net unless of course someone tries to compromise a minor or advocates violence. I'm sure you are aware of people who use the internet for ulterior motives.

Like you, we all have the right to post our opinion and I will continue to do so.

yeah but you see.... i don't think your reasoning is appropriated nor your comparisson in this specific case.

The difference between denialist posts and this one... is that denialist theories are life threatening.... and this discussion is just time wasting.

I though we were here to help other's lives (if possible off course) not to argue about non crucial stuff... but that's just my thought so never mind you can keep on going with this thread and calling the poster a lier, up to you. Now I contributed with 4 cents, hope that helped LOL.

By the way, is it possible to diagnose someone as emotionally disturbed over the internet? are we allowed to offer such diagnosis?.... mmmm just wondering.

Juan Carlos

(who wishes xtente the best in the future and click to ignore this thread)

I haven't seen people publicly question the validity of a forum member in a long time. It's pretty rare. But when it does happen, it's usually spot on. Xtente admitted that he left a lot of holes in his story. So if his story is true, then he shouldn't be offended that people are either confused after reading his message or don't believe them. Unless people are rude to him or personally attack him, I don't see any harm in wondering whether we have all the facts or if the thread is simply make-believe. At least if it's done publically, he can address the issues (if he so chooses).

I don't care if he is lying or telling the truth, that is not the issue here. The issue is that he knowingly has a non cureable disease and made a conscience decision NOT to tell someone he LOVES? Someone he is intimate with? How F**ked up is that? Maybe, just maybe, this is why people are infected everyday! This just pisses me off, I watch my dad go through really bad stuff & I just couldn't imagine someone, willingly, putting someone they are suppose to love in danger without telling them. It should be their choice. He is just being selfish, not thinking about his wife, which really scares me. How is he around other people, friends, coworkers, etc. I am NOT afraid to be around my dad because I have done the research & took the time to get educated. I, as well as my family have learned how to love him naturally but yet be cautious. He robbed his wife of this chance !!! She should of had a choice, Then I would have been happy for him on this outcome, but no, instead I am happy for her & I wish her the best. I hope she will wake up & see, If he hid this from her, what else is he hiding? There is NO excuse, you are supposed to love her !!!

Nothing in everyday living, I'm talking about in the event of blood. This is what i meant about getting educated, I have nothing to worry about. I knew nothing about Hiv when he was diagnosed. Now I do!

I'm glad to hear about your wife if that is, indeed, the truth. I also understand that they may be gaps in someone's story because sometimes its difficult to remember something verbatim. Though i seem to agree there is some fishy here.

But for me, if I was your wife and I was at that dinner table, I would have most definitely slugged you one!

I'm glad to hear about your wife if that is, indeed, the truth. I also understand that they may be gaps in someone's story because sometimes its difficult to remember something verbatim. Though i seem to agree there is some fishy here.

But for me, if I was your wife and I was at that dinner table, I would have most definitely slugged you one!

you are very lucky and should tell your wife you love her everyday, I held onto the man who infected me for fear of not finding another who would accept me, but guess what, I found him and he accepts me, loves me and understands the disease so don't ever lie to her again, the bright side if she can forgive you for this she can forgive and understand everything, besides there are ways of having kids without getting her or the child infected.

uh... wait a minute. I'm a bit late reading this thread. Isn't this the same joker who lectured us on HIV and God or some stuff along those lines?... and then he didn't disclose his HIV status TO HIS F*CKING WIFE?

::Jesus wept::

In fact, from what I can tell from his first post his HIV pre-dates the wedding, so that's a LOT more deception than just getting infected during your 3rd year of marriage and waiting another 3 years to fess up. He's stated repeatedly he was hesitant to get involved on this board as he's not "a fan of self help groups" -- well, obviously! Self help groups actually make you recognize your plethora of lies and deception.

You're indeed lucky you have such a forgiving wife... I simply can't imagine such a person exists in the real world. If it had been me I'd have kicked your ass to the curb and burned your porn collection.

OK... enough of my soap box. I have some Maitake Mushrooms to grind in my mortar and pestle.

Yes, Philly, it's the same poster. But of course you knew that. And, somehow, despite his verbosity and newfound affection for veracity has yet to post again since a few of us have expressed difficulty envisioning him buying roses, cooking and serving a candlelit dinner so as to direct the sweetest "Honey, I'm Poz." conversation ever reported. For those of you who have not read xtente's previous posts, perhaps you don't know how to Search for them. Go to the Search button at the top of this page, it's blue with a spy glass icon on it (not the POZ search word on the top header). When you get to the parameters page, in the field asking for a word to search, type hiv and in the user field which shows an asterisk type xtente then make sure at the bottom regarding which boards to search that check all is marked, then submit. If it works as it should you will get a complete listing of his posts, then you can understand more clearly what prompts the level of concern, doubt, cynicism, etc. that you are reading in the posts of those who've been following him since he recently joined us.

I live a glass house so I will abstain from comment. On second thought I won't. WTF were you thinking? Maybe it will go it away? Maybe I will spring it on her on Valentines DAy? My wife would have ripped your balls off and made you eat them.

I made another post about how i lied to my wife about my status, and then decided to come clean for a number of reasons, among which was that she was being blood tested for a new job. Her results came back last week and she was negative, thank god. Now, in the past, i hinted to her that I might be positive to gauge her reaction. I would say things like "if I were postiive would you love me?" and also, although i put my pills in a vitamin bottle (to better carry them, and at that point, to conceal them, i kept that bottle in plain sight, and one time she found a zerit pill on the floor. She is the type that no matter how serios the issue is, she wont say anything until you choose to. Like one time I went out with my college buddies and told her I was going to hang with my brother (she hates my college buddies) and I took a camera. Silly me, i left the pics on the digital camera and she foudn them days later, but didnt say anything to me until, TWO WEEKS LATER i had to tell her because I felt so guilty. And her response was "yeah i already knew, but I was waiting for you to tell me. so maybe she knew i had hiv. Incredible to think she could "hold it" but maybe she did. Anyway, when I posted inthis forum that I my wife came back negative and then I confessed to her, I was surprised at how many ppl jumped down my throat.

yes I believe in god

No i dont believe god has punished us with hiv, i believe that our BEHAVIOR punishes us.

yes i believe that if we followed god's word on respecting our bodies and were not promiscuous, and that if we married and did not step out of the confines of marriage we would all be healthy.

Yes I know that I lied to my wife but none of us are perfect, especially those of us in this forum who in MOST cases suffer from bad judgement, thus our dis-ease.

But i came forward and cleared it up, and my wife and I are going to start planning to have a child. She still loves me even though i lied because as she put it "i am a damn good man and this one fault can easily be forgiven because we have a great love affair as husband and wife."

When I found out my wife was negative I was happy. sooooo happy. and i expected ppl in this forum to be happy too. But most of what i got, while i did get some positive thoughts was "you lied, you talk all that bible crap, this story is fake, its all so fishy"

the only thing fishy is what lives in your hearts. I am glad my heart is now guilt free, loved and correct.

yes i believe that if we followed god's word on respecting our bodies and were being promiscuous, and that if we married and did not step out of the confines of marriage we would all be healthy.

Are you kidding me?! I can't legally GET married, so I must deserve what I get, whether it's God's will or not, is that what you're saying? No wonder people are jumping down your throat, and you can add me to the list!

Are you kidding me?! I can't legally GET married, so I must deserve what I get, whether it's God's will or not, is that what you're saying? No wonder people are jumping down your throat, and you can add me to the list!

From XTENTE: I am sorry but i have stated my beliefs. I am not here to judge you in any way shape or form. BE WELL!

You seem to have an incredible ability to turn what could be thought-provoking threads into toxic dumping grounds. Within minutes of your posts, the moderator reports begin trickling in.

You know what? It's not what you have to say... it's how you choose to say it.

Let's take the quote cited by Basquo. Instead of taking the time to re-approach your wording -- the homophobia if your comment is thinly veiled -- you responded with the even more offensive and totally passive-aggressive "I am not her to judge you in any way shape or form." But you ARE, xtente... your quote was full of judgement. And if you fail to recognize this -- and I'm telling you right now that the whole love-the-sinner-hate-the-sin nonsense has no place in these pages -- I'm going to ask that you reconsider your participation in the Forums.