Sunday, July 24, 2016

Impostor Syndrome is the secret feeling that you’re a phony, way out of your depth, soon to be exposed to everyone, the masquerade over. More prevalent among women, it is common among successful, high-achievers. Though one may appear confident on the outside, doubt and fear hide inside -- I’m not really smart enough for this job, I’m not really fit enough to work out in this gym, I’m not really pretty enough to shop at Balliet’s. I’m not really enough ENOUGH to be who I appear to be. I’m in the wrong place. I’m not worthy to be here. I’m a fraud and soon everyone will know it.

Characteristics include being unable to take credit for accomplishments or to accept recognition for success, which sufferers may dismiss as simply luck, good timing, or perseverance. So-called impostors feel that they have fooled everyone and that they are not as smart or capable as everyone thinks. This, of course, is inaccurate.

Taking realistic and accurate assessments of your performance is key to moving past the impostor syndrome. Such assessments, however, are difficult. With each success, take time to jot down the specific actions that led to success as well as what experience and qualities underlies your success at completing each action. If we want to maintain and repeat our success at weight loss, we must learn to recognize ourselves as worthy and remember how and why we succeeded.

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome*

Break the silence. Shame keeps a lot of people from admitting their fraudulent feelings. Knowing there’s a name for your feelings can be tremendously freeing.

Separate feelings from fact. There are times you’ll feel inadequate. It happens to everyone from time to time. Realize that just because you may feel that way, doesn’t mean you are.

Recognize when you should feel fraudulent. If you’re one of the first to do something, even something like get a lapband, it’s only natural you’d sometimes feel like you don’t totally fit in. Instead of taking your self-doubt as a sign of your ineptness, recognize that it might be a normal response to being an outsider.

Accentuate the positive. Perfectionism can indicate a healthy drive to excel, but the trick is to not obsess over always being perfect. Do a great job when it matters most. Don’t persevere over routine tasks. Forgive yourself when the inevitable mistake happens.

Develop a new response to failure and mistake making. Henry Ford once said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Instead of beating yourself up for being human for blowing the big project, glean the learning value from the mistake and move on.

Right the rules. If you’ve been operating under misguided rules like, “I should always know the answer,” or “Never ask for help,” start asserting your rights. Recognize that you have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, have an off-day, or ask for assistance.

Develop a new script. Your Impostor script is that automatic mental tape that starts playing in situations that trigger your Impostor feelings. Instead of thinking, “Wait till they find out I have no idea what I’m doing,” try thinking, “I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.”

Visualize success. Spend time picturing yourself fitting into your dream dress size or successfully completing a marathon. It sure beats picturing impending disaster and will help with performance-related stress.

Reward yourself. Break the cycle of continually seeking and then dismissing validation outside of yourself by learning to pat yourself on the back. Actually make a list of non-food rewards to gift yourself.

Fake it ’til you make it. Don’t wait until you feel confident to start putting yourself out there. Courage comes from taking risks. Change your behavior first and allow your confidence to build.

Monday, July 4, 2016

After a week of dreary weather, today was wondrous, bright sunshine, no wind. I wanted to go bicycle riding, but I give up a block from home. My bike’s broken, whether it’s the brakes or gears doesn’t matter. Walking it home, I start crying and I can’t stop.

The most tragic words in life are Too Late.

When I had lapband surgery at 54, I feared it was too late to get my life back.

When I did get healthy, it was toolate to have a child, but not too late to return to teaching.

Last summer, it was too late for cosmetic surgery to turn me into a hot babe, but not too late to feel comfortable in my own skin.

At 60, if I want to be a ballerina, it’s probably too late.

And, today, it’s too late to ride my bicycle.

My parents, step-parents, and grandparents are all gone and I know each of them died with some things undone -- and it’s too late for them.

Too late is tragic because one recognizes what might have been, because one must acknowledge lost opportunity; one must be profoundly self-aware.

I don’t want my last words to be “Too Late.” I will

find the time and money to go back to Italy and walk in the steep streets of Siena

contact Bonnie O’Malley and apologize for hurtful words our senior year in high school

write more poetry and submit some poems for publication

say “Thank You” more often to the people who make my life better

ride a boat up the Nile and climb the pyramids

keep in better touch with friends and family

hear (and say) the words “I love you” so many times I get bored with them

About Me

I am a homebody, but I just spent five years teaching in Europe. Blues is my music choice, but my cell phone rings to Goldfrapp's "Ooh La La." I always carry two books with me -- a serious literary classic and a trashy murder mystery. Anyone notice an internal conflict here?