Jill Tracy talks with Film Noir Foundation’s Eddie Muller about the allure of the dark side, the arsenic craze, spending the night with skeletons, and the horrors of the entertainment industry

Jill Tracy’s album Diabolical Streak was suggested to me because of my predilection for all things noir. It became an essential part of the musical backdrop to my writing Dark City Dames: The Wicked Women of Film Noir. Jill Tracy finds a compelling sensuality in everything, from the promise of one wicked night to the fiery end of the world. Her breathy vocals entice the listener into a sonic dreamscape—a dark and magical realm, simultaneously cerebral, sexy and sinister. It’s not safe here, but you won’t be in any hurry to leave. Beneath the force and filigree of Tracy’s original piano lines lurks cold steel—the woman has guts to spare, creating something so distinctive amidst the corporate musical mediocrity that’s poisoning the culture.San Francisco Chronicle hails Jill Tracy “a femme fatale for the thinking man.”LA Weekly has christened her “the cult darling of the Underworld.”

One of the cuts from Diabolical Streak, “Evil Night Together” was chosen by Showtime Networks as the “final symphony” to promote the highly anticipated last season of Dexter. Her music has been featured on NPR, CBS-TV Navy NCIS, and numerous independent films.

During the first two years of Noir City at San Francisco’s Castro Theatre, I asked Jill Tracy to provide musical interludes and introduce films at several screenings. She has also performed twice at LA Noir at the Egyptian Theater. Both of us were seeking fresh ways to expand our work—a constant challenge for independent artists in any medium. Recently I caught up with Jill Tracy again, and we discussed the obstacles, and inspirations, that writers and musicians share—as well as the beauty that forever lurks in the shadows. —Eddie Muller

Eddie Muller: Would you still make music if you couldn’t reach an audience?

Jill Tracy: Music has always been my catharsis. So yes, absolutely I would. I create my best music where there’s no audience.

EM: Don’t you need an audience to validate what you do? I ask myself: Would I still write if I knew I wasn’t reaching many readers?

JT: It depends on one’s intentions. I would always create music, regardless. But having people respond to what you do does elevate it to a different level. It’s odd, but when I perform a song for the first time in front of an audience, a little death happens. It’s not mine anymore. It’s sad, in a way.

EM: Do you get over that? You must.

JT: Yeah, because you’ve got to perform it again the next night! [Laughs] But your personal attachment is gone. Songs arise from emotions, experiences, moods and dreams. Playing it alone for myself, I can revisit that place—it’s an actual souvenir of Time. Playing in front of an audience takes that away.

EM: Isn’t the point to turn it loose?

JT: Depends. Some songs I’ll never perform live because I don’t want to turn them loose. They’re a tonic for me. I go back and spend time in that song, and I don’t want to share that experience with anyone.

EM: There are songs you’ve written that nobody’s heard?

JT: Oh, yeah.

EM: I couldn’t imagine writing a story—

JT: Isn’t it like keeping journal entries?

EM: I don’t keep a journal. No. To me, someone reading the story completes the creative process. But I’ve talked with painters, for example, who only show their work grudgingly. “I didn’t paint this to be seen, I painted it because I had to.”

(Jill Tracy photographed by noir photography master Jim Ferreira)

JT: You’re vulnerable when someone hears your song for the first time. You’re disrobing for the crowd. But you’re right, it does eventually make that lovely transition into something else. I give it to THEM. And the beautiful thing is—often they need the song more than I do. I’m constantly moved and shocked by the amount of mail I receive where someone tells me my music was the only thing helping them through a rough time, or it was because of a certain song of mine that saved them from committing suicide. Often fans will come up to me at shows with tears in their eyes, just wanting me to hug them. It’s such a poignant and rare connection, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

EM: Music affects people so immediately. No one reacts to a book the way they react to music. As a writer, that makes me envious. [Laughs]. It takes so much time to produce a novel, and to read it. Music plugs in directly.

JT: Yes, music is a living thing, captured immediacy—and the strange, intoxicating intimacy with a crowd. But I envy artists who can hang their work on a wall and step away from it. They can see others react to it. I can’t watch myself perform, or watch others watching me perform. I’m in it. It’s intangible. The moment the song is out in the atmosphere, it vanishes.

EM: That’s why you make records! Isn’t it gratifying to know you can get into somebody’s head like that? When someone tells me, “I read your book straight through,” that’s so satisfying. You must feel the same thrill when you know people play your album over and over again, that it has that impact on them.

JT: That’s my goal, to create music that transports them into another world, and allows them to linger there. I am a gatekeeper of emotions…There’s nothing more powerful than that. That’s the magic music allows—like a trap door or portal, it accompanies us—to a place we never knew existed, but wish to go. Similar to when I read your novel. I was ill with the flu. I was in bed. It was fantastic, because I was able to get out of my miserable head and live in your world for a while.

EM: Diabolical Streak was more like stepping into a novel or a film than it was like listening to a collection of songs. It’s like, “Oooh, this is a place she’s created.”

JT: The kingdom of the mind’s eye.

(Stormy late nights in New York City: shooting the music video “Pulling Your Insides Out)

EM: How influenced were you by cinema?

JT: I have always been drawn to the mysterious— fantastical, otherworldly imagery. Worlds sans-time. I was obsessed with Alfred Hitchcock, Bernard Herrmann, Ray Bradbury, Rod Serling, Jean Cocteau. As a child, I tried to build a time machine in my bedroom closet with a tiny chair and my favorite zebra lamp. I thought one could travel through the shadows. I just wanted to live in those worlds. I still do.

JT: When I wrote “Where Shadows Fall,” I wanted to capture that sultry, intoxicating feeling watching film noir. Being under the sway of chiaroscuro—the shadows— that rapturous, dangerous and melancholy place we can really only fully attain in our minds. “Night has fallen, and so have we/ But seduction deceives us eventually…”
(Great moody horns and even bass flute on that tune by the legendary Ralph Carney, and gorgeous percussion by Randy Odell.)

EM: What inspires you of late?

JT: I’ve been immersing myself in unusual locations to compose music. It’s exhilarating and challenging as the environment not only drives the work but becomes part of it. I had a piano love affair with the antique Steinways in the (supposedly haunted) 1890 Craigdarroch Castle in Victoria, BC; channeled music in an abandoned 1800s San Francisco medical asylum, and the eccentric Los Angeles mansion of a 19th century murderer. I created an ongoing after-dark series at the wondrous San Francisco Conservatory of Flowers where I hosted night tours of the gardens and then performed music and curated each evening on a different intriguing theme— like the strange history of perfumes, poisonous plants and the arsenic craze, spirits that supposedly lived in various woods of violins.

EM: Your music videos have been shot in some provocative locations.

JT: My music video for “Haunted by the Thought of You” was shot in the magnificent 1909 Masonic Lodge in San Francisco, full of secret crawlspaces, strange tiny doors, and painted backdrops of Hades.This is where the Freemasons held their mysterious rituals. There are some great secret symbols and codes hidden in the video.

(Shooting “Haunted by the Thought of You” in the devastatingly ornate 1909 Masonic Lodge)

EM: Dare I say, your work is very literate. Are you concerned that it might be too literate, so it’s bound to be marginalized?

JT: Industry executives have consistently told me over the years, “Your music is amazing, but it’s too elegant, too sophisticated, too dark, too poetic, too smart, too cinematic,…you need to dumb it down and sound like everyone else.” One A&R guy actually said to me: “Your music and aesthetic is the best, most original thing I’ve come across in years, it’s just that I’d lose my job if I signed you. But could you send about 10 more copies of your CD? Everyone in the office wants one. It’s all we’ve been listening to!” (I told him he was welcome to BUY them from my site.)

Another TV executive told me I could not use the words “books” or “history” in a series pitch. Another told me I could not use the term “noir” or “femme fatale” as no one knew what that meant! (“Use spooky and sexy.”) The entertainment industry doesn’t give audiences the credit they deserve. I’ve walked out of several meetings with famous companies.

EM: That took bravery, but sounds like you dodged a bullet.

JT: As a child I absolutely loved it when a song made me pull out the dictionary to look up a word. God, how many kids first heard about Nabokov by hearing the Police song “Don’t Stand So Close to Me?” People are hungry to be inspired, to heighten their awareness. I know it’s the same in the book world. You have crap selling millions, and there are wonderful, artistic novels that nobody hears about.

EM: Fifty Shades of Dung. For every literary talent that gets recognized, like Michael Chabon or Jonathan Franzen, there are thousands who never get published, let alone recognized. In that regard, the parallels between the music, art, and publishing businesses are identical. We’re all in the same boat. And frankly, I’ll bet Chabon and Franzen bitch about their sales, too.

JT: The only goal for the business is making money and moving units. It’s never had anything to do with how wonderful a piece of art is, or how unique.

EM: True, but it has gotten worse. Lots of the popular entertainment that’s come out of this culture was the best America had to offer. Music, movies, books that were wildly popular. Hemingway was a significant writer and a best-selling author. He wasn’t force-fed to the public. There used to be an overlap where what was valuable artistically also sold. Now that huge corporations dominate the culture, all they care about is making the numbers work for them. And the broadest common denominator is where they’re going to invest. Otherwise, good luck selling your book or song for 99¢ on the internet.

JT: It’s never been at a lower point in history. It’s mortifying.

EM: It’s intended to keep people in the dark, and uninformed. They make better consumers that way.

JT: Death by complacency. I don’t let it frustrate me like I used to. Now that the traditional industry is crumbling, I’m reimagining my path. There’s never been a more vital time for artists and fans to band together. We don’t have to play the old game anymore.

(Portrait of Jill Tracy by Audrey Penven)

EM: You’ve always celebrated the outlier approach. When you first started out, didn’t you mastermind your own show?

JT: Right. Jill Tracy’s Mysteria was an ongoing live series of not only my music and stories, but an entire dark carnival, with sword swallowers, contortionists, puppeteers and snake charmers—a complete sensory experience. This was around 1996-97. A dark variety show was practically unheard of at that time. I created Mysteria out of necessity because no club would book me. So I sold them the entire spectacle. Mysteria went on to packed houses, and an ardent following and press. I was nominated for 2 California Music Awards, SF Weekly Awards, Best of the Bay, 3 magazine covers.

So while the record companies were busy sending me rejection letters saying “there could not possibly be a market for my work,” I was busy making a living selling music on my website, charting on CD Baby’s Top-Sellers in piano pop, singer/songwriter, gothic, film score, neoclassical, acoustic, all simultaneously! (Laughs) The industry had no idea! I realized the system was broken way back then. I knew I couldn’t go in the front door, and not really the back door either … so I became intent on inventing TRAP doors.

EM: That’s great. I empathize with what you’re saying about stretching your boundaries, while staying true to yourself. You have to scout out those pockets of like-minded souls. That’s what we do with the NOIR CITY film festivals. The ones outside San Francisco aren’t jackpots, but we’re able to reach the exact audience that wants film noir on a big screen. But it’s no “mass market.” More and more these days, artists who want mainstream commercial success have to whore themselves for the corporation.

JT: Can there really a goal of “mainstream” success today for serious artists? If you’re trying to fit in with the crowd, pretty soon you will just become lost in it. You must not be afraid to own your niche. Embrace your strange. Major label album sales are at an all-time low. It can’t be just about vacuous pop culture and marketing to kids.

EM: When I was fifteen, I never wanted to listen to musicians who were my age.

JT: That’s so true. I’d hear Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin, and it was this seductive, subversive thing. Everyone was older than you and you’re like, Wow, I can’t wait to experience the kind of life they’re singing about! That was the allure of that music. It represented what we aspired to, what we dreamed of. It was dangerous. That was the whole point. Today it’s all safe, homogenized and soulless. Created by corporations.

That’s why, sadly, art has less meaning in young people’s lives. When I was growing up, that’s how you bonded with someone. (Certainly if you were an outlier.) What bands do you listen to? What books are you reading? What are your favorite films?
Now, it’s what phone do you have? What apps? How many Facebook friends do you have?
Tech has become the barometer. It’s tragic.

JT: Everything has changed. It’s our lifeline. We’re able to bypass the old school commercial system and operate directly to fans. We did not have that choice before.
The hardest, but in the end, most liberating thing for me was to accept the fact that the childhood dream I once had—and struggled years to attain—simply doesn’t exist anymore. That is still a difficult revelation. But once I decided not to be held hostage by the old dream, the floodgates seemed to open.

EM: Do you resent how much effort it takes now to handle the business side, when what you want to be doing is creating art?

JT: Of course, but that’s the way it’s evolved. I’m running a business. I am the brand. I would much rather be focused on the creative. But there is a newfound freedom living this way, too. You learn to prioritize, delegate, and say no to things.

EM: With this ability to be connected all the time, is there a downside to the internet?

JT: I read an interesting study the other day talking about how if social media had been around in the last century, how many classic novels would actually have been written? Would many of the greats have merely sat around in cafes reading their Twitter feed?

EM: Imagine if all those great barroom writers were on Facebook instead of scrawling stuff into composition books.

JT: The Internet is a blessing and a curse. The ease and ability to obtain information and connect with anyone in the world is glorious. But at the same time it’s destroying our individuality. Everyone is getting their news/views from the same sources, not looking outside, or challenging themselves to think further. We’re trapped in a giant echo chamber.

There has never been a greater need to venture outside the cage, to seize our true passions and authenticity. To be an individual now takes a great deal of effort.
Sometimes I will post on Twitter—“No tweets today. Honoring the Mystery.”

EM: Your short film “The Fine Art of Poisoning” has become practically a cult classic, winning all sorts of awards and getting attention from the likes of Clive Barker and Guy Maddin. Any more film projects for you?

JT: I’m delighted and shocked when I hear from film school students who say “The Fine Art of Poisoning” was part of their curriculum! Animator Bill Domonkos is a genius. We went on to collaborate on NERVOUS96.
I’ve worked with the brilliant Jeremy Carr on 4 films now, including our new short “Portraits of a Nightmare” and well as his debut feature Other Madnesses, which has already won several awards. I’m eager to work on more films.

(Jill Tracy among the Hyrtl Skull Collection in the Mütter Museum, as featured in Penthouse. Photo by Evi Numen.)

EM: But my favorite part of all this is that you ended up in Penthouse…

JT: Ha! Yes, I can now say I have a spread in Penthouse. It was part of an interview about my work at the Mütter and my getting inspiration from the dark side of history. I was not nude, but way better—at a piano, in a black backless gown surrounded by 139 human skulls from Viennese anatomist Joseph Hyrtl’s 1874 collection. Who else could say that? My father even went to a newsstand to buy Penthouse that month —while my stepmother waited uncomfortably in the car. (Laughs)

Molded from my own face (talk about panic-inducing-hard-to-breathe endeavors) by SFX master Jonathan Horton, the mask scene became my favorite memory of the film shoot.

Making a mold of my face in Jonathan Horton’s SFX studio to create the Mona mask.

Watch this special behind the scenes video memoir of creating the Mona character, and just how we shot this wonderful creepy scene in Ice Cream Ants—plus my best maniacal laugh…

Transformation complete! The mask was carefully placed on my face during the scene to appear like I had turned into some sort of eerie erotic mannequin, I couldn’t see a thing.

Behind the Scenes: Jill Tracy on set with the legendary Tom Noonan (Heat, Last Action Hero, House of the Devil.)

On the set of Ice Cream Ants:Marcus Ashley and Jill Tracy

Ice Cream Ants went on to win several film festival awards, including the Dewar’s Grand Prize. (Yes, lots of complimentary scotch was delivered.)

The film features my song “Pulling Your Insides Out.” We shot the new music video for the tune— to include with Jeremy Carr’s new director’s cut which is now available for you online! Read about the making of the elegant nightmarish “Pulling Your Insides Out” in the midst of a New York lightning storm in an earlier BLOG!

Here it is: Ice Cream Ants

CAUTION— could be nightmare including…save it for a sweet bedtime tale.

I was recently sent some unpublished behind-the-scenes photos taken by Maeri Hedstrom and wanted to finally tell you the tale. Shooting the video for “Pulling Your Insides Out“ was a strange and magical affair…

Director Jeremy Carrenvisioned scenes of me walking down desolate mysterious alleyways in Red Hook, Brooklyn (once neighborhood of horror icon H.P. Lovecraft.) We had spent an already action-packed day shooting in front of jade velvet curtains in a mirrored piano studio, had taken a dinner break, ready to head down to Red Hook when all of a sudden the thunder struck. A freak unexpected storm— intense lightning and giant HAIL— in a matter of seconds had flooded the streets, ripped branches off trees onto cars, and New York quickly issued a strong traveler’s advisory. They cautioned everyone to stay put. You could hear people in the streets shouting.

I was looking forward to the alley scenes most of all. I imagined them being the noirish anchors of the entire erotic, nightmare-induced imagery. We sat devastated in Jeremy’s living room and listened to the hail pound. It was my last night in New York. We had to do it now or forgo the idea. Still unsure, we got in the van and made a slow, treacherous journey— pulling over several times, stopping, wondering how insane we really had to be to try to venture out in this weather in a vehicle full of crew and camera equipment. It took seemingly forever to get there. And then we just sat in the van, waiting. Not sure for what. We just waited, in the wee hours of night.

Suddenly the rain calmed. The hail stopped. It transformed into something balmy and invigorating. But because of the storm, the alley was full of puddles reflecting the moon and amber streetlights, ephemeral mist hung in the air, water gushed down gutters— and lightning still played in the sky! The Universe decided to give us a magnificent gift. We could not have imagined a more perfect set. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more grateful for anything.

Jeremy later interviewed me with some great unseen footage from the storm. Watch this video:

The crew worked under umbrellas as I walked through the rainy alley. That’s me with assistant director Dawn Fidrick.

The mist gave the lights and street this gorgeous dreamy glow. At one point, a police car approaches, curious as to why a spontaneous film shoot is going on in the rain at 2:30am. They began questioning us, but the cops actually ended up loving the song and thought it looked “really cool,” so they gave us their blessing, but warned not to stay too long.

FUN FACT: at 1:56 in the “Pulling Your Insides Out” video, you can see the police headlights swirl on the scene as they drive up while we were filming. Thanks NYPD! You made the scene even better…

The piano scenes were shot in a mirrored rehearsal room in Manhattan. I had no idea the piano was also acting as a mirror as the crew lit the scene.

Here’s what the room looked like once lights were set. Director Jeremy Carr gets some test footage.

The BW nightmare scenes were shot in Upstate New York — a decrepit old house in the woods full of trap doors and secrets. Much of it was shot on Super 8 film. The eerie and erotic bedroom scenes were shot at an apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Restless sleep amidst candles and shadows.

Talking to director Jeremy Carr on set in the bedroom. As you can see, we had hung brocade fabric on what were actually painted walls.

That’s a wrap! One of my favorite shots of all. The crew posed with me in front of the camera after we had successfully achieved our magical shoot in the late night storm. I remember just how completely quiet and warm it felt outside. We were totally exhausted— but giddy. From left: Maeri Hedstrom, Corey Boutilier, Me, director Jeremy Carr, Dawn Fidrick.

“Pulling Your Insides Out” is one of my proudest moments thus far in my career. Such a joy to work with the brilliant Jeremy Carr and such talented artists and friends. And it only makes me more honored to know it was funded partially by you through Kickstarter. If you have not seen the finished work, here it is below!
Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel so you won’t miss a thing.

“The truth lay in the treasure of what we disbelieve” —from Pulling Your Insides Out

The Kickstarter is ON! Click HERE to go to the main campaign page and show your support and grab some rewards. We need your help to finish this project! The campaign will only run until August 22, so act now if you’d like to be involved.

I can’t tell you how honored I am to work again with brilliant filmmaker Jeremy Carr, plus bring to life one of the favorite songs I have ever written. This video has already been shot, so this campaign is to enable Jeremy to edit, complete all post-production and digital transfer necessary.

Please WATCH THE VIDEO above to get a little backstory of how we met, and my adventures as the sinister seductress Mona in Jeremy’s surreal thriller Ice Cream Ants— (alongside Marcus Ashley (Laurel Canyon, Bones, CSI) and the legendary Tom Noonan (Heat, Last Action Hero, House of the Devil.)
After winning several film festival awards and accolades, Ice Cream Ants is slated to be released to the public for the first time with a new director’s cut. “Pulling Your Insides Out” is the end title song to the film, so Jeremy thought it befitting to create a new music video to coincide with its online release.

“Pulling Your Insides Out” has always been my favorite song on my album Diabolical Streak. In fact, that album has been getting quite the resurgence lately as Showtime Networks chose the track “Evil Night Together” as the campaign song promoting the wildly anticipated final season of Dexter.
So as they say— “everything old is new again.” It’s been thrilling for me to re-inhabit “Pulling Your Insides Out” and (with your kindness) unveil the beautifully eerie video it always deserved.

UPDATE: 7/22/13— Since this original post, Jill Tracy Kickstarter Campaign has launched and will be taking donations for this project for 30 days. Visit the Campaign Page HERE.

I can’t tell you how honored I am to work again with brilliant filmmaker Jeremy Carr, plus bring to life one of the favorite songs I have ever written. And for the first time, YOU can be an actual part of the process! We will be launching my debut Kickstarter campaign soon, so you will be able to participate, see sneak previews, snag rewards, and help us manifest this dark gem!

You may recall a few years ago, my adventures as the sinister seductress Mona in Jeremy’s surreal thriller Ice Cream Ants— (alongside Marcus Ashley (Laurel Canyon, Bones, CSI) and the legendary Tom Noonan (Heat, Last Action Hero, House of the Devil.)
Watch the original Ice Cream Ants trailer HERE.

A masked Jill Tracy turns into a mannequin in the sexy, surreal thriller Ice Cream Ants

After winning several film festival awards, grand prizes and accolades, Ice Cream Ants is slated to be released to the public for the first time with a new director’s cut this fall!“Pulling Your Insides Out“ is the end title song to the film, so Jeremy thought it befitting to create a new music video to coincide with its online release.

“Pulling Your Insides Out” has always been my favorite song on my album Diabolical Streak. In fact, that album has been getting quite the resurgence lately as Showtime Networks chose the track “Evil Night Together” as the campaign song promoting the wildly anticipated final season of Dexter.
I am “Dexter’s Final Symphony!“
So as they say— “everything old is new again.” It’s been thrilling for me to re-inhabit “Pulling Your Insides Out” and (with your kindness) unveil the beautifully eerie video it always deserved. This video has been shot (on location in New York City,) so this campaign is to enable Jeremy to edit, complete all post-production and digital transfer necessary.

Mailing List:

From the Press:

“It’s an evocative sound, all right –and Jill Tracy has pretty much cornered the market on the genre. As a friend of mine described it, very Weltschmerz — and I agreed with him, responding to the onomatopoeic quality of the word. Ultimately, I had to look it up in the dictionary and he was right. Next to the entry Weltschmerz in the dictionary there was a picture of Jill Tracy.” -CONTRA COSTA TIMES