Jamaican Culture

Live Broadcast From Occupy Downtown (Satire) - Jamaican Style

After weeks of watching the resistance movement calling itself “Occupy Wall Street” the Jamaican people themselves have taken to the streets of downtown, Kingston. The number of protesters on scene so far is in the thousands. The protest, which evolved from a network of individuals and groups galvanized by the demonstrations across United States, has brought people together from all walks of life to make specific demands. Boardlane TV is live on the scene and was able to interview a few of the protesters.

Boardlane TV: Good afternoon, once again Boardlane TV is reporting from the streets of downtown, Kingston where a massive protest is on the way by concerned citizens of Jamaica. I have with me here a business-like man from Constant Spring who has a lot to say about what he wants to see change in this country. Sir, could you talk to our viewers about your concerns?

Reginal: Yes, good afternoon. The reason for me being here is because I want to plea to the government to provide critical mass required to catalyzed redevelopment of the Eastern sector of Paradise Street and advocate for the expansion of the drainage system in the Southern limit across Kingston. I would like to also see the inclusion of the members of the diplomatic mission to influence entertainment and recreation around the Bellevue corridor.

Boardlane TV: Sir, you have lost me. What exactly are you talking about?

Reginal: Your guess is as good as mine baby love. Mi did jus waan soun intelligent on television an a dat mi practice fi seh whole night last night. But I stan by everyting mi seh- even if it noh mek noh bloody sense. More time mi hear di politician dem a roun up dem mout an dem naah mek noh dyam sense eida. Soh mi tink dat is language dem can andastan. Yuh si mi?

Boardlane TV: Ok sir. But I thought this was about real causes here. Let me move on. Young lady, you have a very interesting placard that decries Portia Simpson’s sense of style. What is that all about?

Denise: Well, as a hair dressa l tink it is in di bess interes of dis country dat Portia change har hairstyle. If shi did a kip up har hairdo wance in a while di economy woulda deh pan betta footing.

Boardlane TV: Ahmn .. I don’t really think it is that simple, but if you say so. Thank you for your time. Hi Miss! Come over here and discuss your placard with us. Why have you decided to join this movement and what is your demand to the government?

Boardlane TV: Ok my dear. Good luck with your protest. We have time to speak to one more person. Sir, your placard mentions the inequality of wealth. That sounds like a good platform. Tell us about your complaint regarding inequality.

Boardlane TV: Oh dear… what a story! Well folks, as you have just heard the people of the “Occupy Downtown” movement hae their demands. Not very cohesive demands... none of them really make any sense for that matter, but we are just here to cover the news. Have a lovely day until we report live again from Boardlane TV

About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and the author of the book “A Soh Wi Do It!”. She is working on her second book "A Soh It Goh!" (Coming soon). Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world.
Check out her website for more information on her books and appearances - http://www.ackeepodpublishing.com/

Browse the latest articles

Miss JA, Kaci Fennell Places 5th: Jamaicans React (Funny Spoof) In a stunner on January 25, Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell was shut out of the top three despite being one of the competition’s front-runner. Supporters gathered in Half-way-Tree square were “jaw-dropped” when they saw their beloved Kaci drop to fifth place. Boardlane TV was on location to get a few reactions.

8 Things Jamaicans Hate There are things Jamaican don't like but nothing compares to what they hate. Here are a list of 8 things Jamaicans hate

BOARDLANE TV: Jamaicans Grieve Over Brazil’s Crushing Defeat. (Funny Spoof) Hello there World Cup fans. As we now know Brazil is reeling from a crushing seven to one defeat handed down by the Germans in what most are calling a shocker of epic proportion. Some Jamaicans are die-heart fans of the Brazil football club and are not happy with the defeat. Boardlane TV news is here in the Mall Plaza to learn just how unhappy these fans are. Let me begin with this T-shirt vendor. Miss, give us your take on the Brazil loss.

BOARDLANE TV: Kartel Sentenced – Reactions From Jamaicans (Spoof) Good day ladies and gentlemen. Bordlane TV news has just learned that Adidja ‘Vybz Kartel’ Palmer and his three co-accused were just sentenced to life in prison for the murder of Clive ‘Lizard’ Williams. Some Jamaicans are vividly upset with the verdict while some camps believe the verdict was just. I have a young man standing next to me who says he is a supporter of the dancehall DJ and he has something to say about the verdict. Go ahead, young man...

BOARDLANE TV BROADCAST: WILL JAMAICANS PULL THE THREAD ON THEIR WEAVES? (Jamaican Spoof) Customs Commissioner, Major Richard Reese recently announced that the Customs Department will be collecting taxes on the import of human hair weaves. According to recent reports, weave imports have reached JM$1 billion and now the government wants a bigger piece of the pie. Boardlane TV took to the streets to find out how local hairdressers and customers feel about the imposed tax on this commodity.

VOICE TOP 10 PERFORMS: JAMAICANS WEIGH IN.(Jamaican Spoof) The Voice’s final 10 singers assembled for a live two-hour battle last night. The night was punctuated by a “cameo” appearance from Olympian Usain Bolt. When it was her time, Tessanne Chin gave another powerful rendition of “If I was your woman.” With nine other contestants who performed, Boarlane TV is Live in Portmore, Jamaica to obtain feedback from the viewers of the show.

JAMAICANS TURN UP THE VOTES FOR TESSANNE CHIN: Live Broadcast. (Jamaican Spoof) The Voice finally went live on Nov 4th, with Team Adam and Team Blake giving performances throughout the night. However, the NBC show saved the best for last. The Jamaican songstress, Tessanne Chin, absolutely stole the show with her mind-blowingly soulful rendition of Jimmy Cliff‘s “Many Rivers To Cross.” With the voting round now open, Boardlane TV wanted to get insights on how Jamaicans showed their support for Tessanne Chin.