Fuck You, mind numbingly boring Facebook feed.

Guys. I am strapped for time as I am moving house today, so I will make this a neat and concise rant.

PEOPLE NEED TO LIFT THEIR FUCKING GAME ON THE MIND NUMBINGLY BORING FACEBOOK SHIT FEED.

I know this whole blog relies on social media, which can be mostly ah-mazing and great and a fabulous connection to a wider audience I otherwise wouldn’t have had. So don’t think for a minute that I am dissing social media in general. But what I have noticed is this. I spend a few mins that turn into quarter hours that turn into hours scrolling through the Facebook feed for about 1% of greatness. The rest is utter rubbish.

I am guilty of some prime specimens of crapness myself. Take any of my weekend updates from before I had kids. “Slept in til 11, then planted some organic seedlings and lay in my hammock while The Husband fed me peeled grapes. Then a beach swim with dolphins and cocktails with Tapas. Loving life #smug”.

I want to kick myself in the god damn face. For real. I mean seriously???? Kick me. Kick me hard and long until my face is unrecognisable. I permit you. Jesus.

Here is what is shitting me the most. 19 photos of crap. Coffee art. Food without reason. Anything in a mason jar. 800 outtakes of the family holiday.

LET US LIFT OUR GAME

Would you walk up to someone you knew in the street or even worked with ten years ago and just hand them a polaroid of something you photographed? And say nothing? NO. So don’t post photos of crap without an explanation of why you want us to see it. Say something. Preferably meaningful and exciting, but at the very least illustrate your fucking point.

I care about you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on my Facebook feed. Or maybe you would be. After all, I do have over 500 friends who I am certain at least 20% of wouldn’t recognise me in the street. So perhaps a cull is required. But I won’t announce the cull, god forbid I would make some people that narrowly missed the cut feel vindicated in some way. Honestly, who are we performing to?

I do not care about your latte coffee art. I care even less if you hash tagged it with #lyfe #almondmilk #mylk and if you dared to use the hashtag #tumeric you are getting unfollowed.

Your kids are cute. But the occasional pic is enough. If I feel I have to visually edit your day out then you are going overboard.

Your dinner is not interesting UNLESS it has a story to go with it. Did you grow the ingredients? Did you find an amazing new restaurant? Did you have a recipe to share? I do not give two shits about your acai bowl, smoothie, salad, main course. Seriously. Just stop it. Tell me a fucking story.

Do not EVER share a link to something controversial without giving your opinion. I care about your opinion. I want to know your thoughts about whatever you are sharing if I take the time to read it/watch it/subscribe to it. Give me some insight into your thoughts and feelings, I will not judge you for having those that differ to mine. Ok, maybe I will, but I probably won’t tell you.

Please be careful of your choice of words. “Perfect” usually means something is simmering under the surface. You know it, we know it. Just skip the update that day if you feel the need to prove something.

BE REAL. Please. For the love of god be real.

This social media beast is bigger than all of us. We will all slip up. I’m not saying if your life is dull and boring you shouldn’t share it, but just think about the next update. Is it adding value to someones life? If not, why bother? Who are you performing to? Have you wasted time out of whatever lovely day you are having just to make a cool photo to share to your network? What would happen if you didn’t do it? Did you share something that didn’t get much attention and feel bad about it? How did that work for you?

Don’t let Facebook run your day. Let life run your day. Choose your moments. Choose your communication. Be real and people will respect you for it.

THE END

Liked it? Then hashtag #farkewtumericlyfe on instagram. Only kidding. Follow me or don’t.