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4 ways to have the most feminist flight ever

Okay, so I’m sitting here at the airport, killing time before my flight home to NJ, and I just realized how anti-feminist flying can be. I mean, seriously, think about it – all of the magazines in WH Smith are totally promoting an unrealistic body image, the ads in the terminal are terribly heteronormative, and I don’t even want to think about how few of the in-flight films will pass the Bechdel test.

My mantra when I start to get annoyed while flying is ‘at least it’s not Ryanair’.

Just how is a feminist supposed to navigate the misogynist minefield that is transatlantic travel? Well, I’m glad you asked! I’ve put together some tips for making sure your flying experience is as feminist as it can be.

1. First, make sure that you pack a snack for your wait in the terminal. White women make only 78 cents to every white man’s dollar, and you can’t very well order 4/5 of an overpriced veggie wrap, now can you?

Latina and Hispanic women should probably bring two.

2. The drying effects of the airplane’s climate control can sap your skin of moisture as quickly as mainstream advertising can sap your self-esteem. Make sure you apply lots of lotion before and during your flight: bonus points if it’s from a company that tries to empower you in its advertising by condescendingly reassuring you that you are not the hideous ass-beast you’re supposed to think you are!

Hey, self-consciously racially diverse group of women; your slightly-larger-than-model-sized bodies are beautiful (which is what’s important, obvs), but you should still firm your ‘curves’.

3. If you’re flying out of the US, make sure you snag a window seat, at least for take-off. You want to be able to take a picture to remember your reproductive rights as they fade into the distance.

#nofilter

4. Finally, if you’re a nervous flyer, don’t be! In fact, you can feel free to ignore the flight attendants’ safety instructions and the emergency procedures card in the seat pocket; we all know that if it’s a legitimate emergency water landing, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down (men should probably still pay attention though, I guess?).