Flawless Farley: How bad are the Lions?

Saturday

Nov 29, 2008 at 12:01 AMNov 29, 2008 at 10:48 PM

In the fourth quarter of their 47-10 Thanksgiving Day stuffing of the Detroit Lions, the Tennessee Titans inserted quarterback Vince Young into the game. With that, CBS resumed its presentation of its soap opera schedule with “The Young and the Zestless.”

Glen Farley

In the fourth quarter of their 47-10 Thanksgiving Day stuffing of the Detroit Lions, the Tennessee Titans inserted quarterback Vince Young into the game.

With that, CBS resumed its presentation of its soap opera schedule with “The Young and the Zestless.”

How bad are the cowardly Lions? The Lions are so bad that all that prevented them from being the worst entertainment on a brutally bad day of football Thursday was the Dallas Cowboys’ presentation of the Jonas Brothers at halftime during their 34-9 romp over the Seattle Seahawks.

The Lions are so bad that Detroit is the only franchise in the NFL where they ought to give the two-minute warning before the opening kickoff.

Because once a Lions game starts, it’s pretty much over.

At this point, the Lions’ pursuit of imperfection is also nearing an end. All that stands between the Lions and 0-16 are the Vikings, Colts, Saints and Packers.

It really is too bad that finale at Green Bay won’t be a nationally televised Sunday night game on NBC. Then Al Michaels could shout: “Do you believe in misery? Yes!”

Pittsburgh 13, New England 10: You know you’re getting old when you hear CBS play-by-play voice Greg Gumbel talk about the “ebb and flow” in last Sunday’s Patriots game and you immediately think of characters from the TV shows “Green Acres” and “Mel’s Diner.”

Buffalo 24, San Francisco 17: Going back to training camp, the 49ers have listed cornerback Allen Rossum as suffering from back, groin, hamstring and ankle injuries. Seems like an awful lot of assorted injuries for one man. I’m beginning to think Rossum is playing possum.

Baltimore 21, Cincinnati 0: In a much-publicized incident that occurred on the eve of the team’s most recent game, Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco was sent home after oversleeping and showing up late for a team meeting, closing his eyes during the meeting, then walking out on the meeting when confronted by offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski. If Ocho Cinco was that tired, he should have done what the football nation did – fall asleep during the Bengals’ 27-10 loss to the Steelers.

Indianapolis 27, Cleveland 13: With a 3-1 victory over the New York Red Bulls last Sunday, the Columbus Crew won the MLS Cup. Soccer aficionado that I am, I’m happy to say, “Goodbye, Columbus – and to the rest of the MLS for another year as well.”

Carolina 29, Green Bay 28: If you were a fan of Packers defensive tackle Ryan Pickett, would you carry a Pickett sign to this game?

New York Jets 17, Denver 13: Bad news for the Flawless one. Clicking on an AOL Health entry titled, “14 Surprising Signs You’ll Live Longer” this past week, I came to the conclusion that I’ve been dead for 12 years.

Miami 30, St. Louis 7: In the aftermath of Chad Pennington’s 341-yard passing performance against the Patriots last Sunday, Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano said that there had been a lot of “naysayers” when it came to the veteran quarterback. Who are these people that answer to the name “naysayers?” Gale Sayers? Hall of Fame running back, Chicago Bears. Naysayers? You got me.

Tampa Bay 24, New Orleans 21: The Saints added tight end Kolo Kapanui from Kamehameha (Hawaii) to their practice squad on Thursday. Kolo? Kapanui? Kamehameha? I thought those were the names of three of Roger Clemens’ kids.

New York Giants 20, Washington 13: The possibility exists that Super Bowl XLIII will be all New Jersey all the time with the Jets meeting up with the Giants and Bruce Springsteen already booked to perform at halftime. At this time, the likelihood that Jimmy Hoffa will conduct the pregame coin toss seems rather remote.

Atlanta 27, San Diego 23: The Chargers’ game with the Raiders this Thursday night will be shown in 3-D in movie theaters in Boston, New York and Los Angeles. When I think of the Chargers and Raiders, the three d’s I think of are dead, dormant, dull.

Oakland 15, Kansas City 11: What did Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe wear with his sportcoat on this road trip? A Bowe tie.

Minnesota 17, Chicago 16 (tonight): Mediocrity on NBC in prime time as the Vikings and Bears meet up in a matchup of 6-5 teams. Speaking of mediocrity on NBC in prime time, Rosie O’Donnell’s latest show debuted on Wednesday night.

Houston 18, Jacksonville 13 (Monday night): These two teams really should throw in the towel. We could have one of their quarterbacks do it, but the towel would fall incomplete.