FYI

• “That’s Not a Toilet!”

• Eagles Nest Publishing

• Amazon.com.

• $8.99 hardcover, $4.99 for Kindle edition

“That’s Not a Toilet!” is not for parents. Julie Roberts’ collection of short stories about college life are gross, scary and bizarre. Yet true, which is why parents may want their teenagers to read it before they leave home.

“My goal is to teach college kids common-sense lessons, in a humorous way,” said Roberts, whose attendance at Central Michigan University earned her a degree in elementary education and material for a book — even a sequel.

Roberts grew up in Shelby Township and — like every other teens going away to school — heard all about the do’s and don’ts of college life. Do your best, don’t do drugs, don’t drink and drive and never walk alone at night, yada-yada. It went in one ear and out the other.

Advice from a fellow student was different.

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“I loved hearing and sharing roommate stories,” Roberts said. Everything from the funny things that can happen on the way to class, to campus dummy of the week to what went on at Sweeney Hall during the wee hours of the night. As a resident of the campus dormitories, Roberts had several roommates. One was a throwback from the ’60s who drove a hippie van and shopped at thrift stores for hipster clothes and anything reminiscent of the Woodstock era. However odd, Roberts liked her, and the hippie van got them where they needed to go. Another group of roomies likened themselves to TV’s “The Golden Girls.”

“I was Rose because I was more childlike, not immature, but childlike and still am,” Roberts said. “It’s amazing the things you think are funny when you’re young.”

Dorm life was interesting. Still, looking back on her years at CMU, Roberts said her best times were spent at Phi Mu sorority house, which her mother and book editor can attest to.

“I was always telling her (mother) about the things that happened,” she said. Even after she graduated and was working as a teacher, Roberts shared the escapades of roommates in college. One day her mother finally said to her, “You like those college roommate stories so much you should write a book.”

Moms know their kids.

Having figured out early on that experiences as a freshman often became lessons as a sophomore, and the sophomore’s as a junior, and so on, Roberts started writing things down. Most of the stories were just embarrassing, but there were a few incidents where students were seriously hurt because of poor choices.

“I know of a couple people who were raped in college because they got drunk and were too trusting,” Roberts said. “And I know of a few others who suffered alcohol poisoning. They didn’t die but they could have.”

There are 48 examples and a few questions to get the reader thinking along the lines of what they would do in oddball situations.