Trouble’s A Brewin’

Coach Mark Richt has murdered a unicorn. What’s worse, it was a kitten that was used as the bludgeoning instrument on the unfortunate horned ungulate:

The SEC has determined that the text messages Georgia coach Mark Richt inadvertently sent to the father of an elite in-state recruit in May constituted a Level I secondary violation of NCAA rules.

That’s the bad news. The good news is UGA was granted relief from the standard minimum penalty associated with Level I violations “based on the fact there was no content to the text messages,” SEC Commissioner Mike Slive reported in a July 6 letter to the NCAA.

It’s one thing if this reprehensible act was done in a fit of rage. Lord knows I’ve had the urge to pummel a unicorn profusely about the head and neck area, what with all that prancing about and that spiraly horn… But the ruthlessness of this cold-blooded, premeditated attack shows that temporary insanity was clearly not the case:

In the first instance, Richt received a text from Ron Jenkins asking for camp dates. Since Richt did not have the number programmed in his phone, the text was identified as “unknown.” Richt intended to forward the text to a recruiting assistant for identification but accidentally replied to Mr. Jenkins, which was a violation NCAA Bylaw 13.4.1.2.

Richt immediately reported the inadvertent violation to compliance director Eric Baumgartner, who subsequently asked Richt if Mr. Jenkins had replied. In an attempt to forward Mr. Jenkins’ response to Baumgartner, Richt accidentally replied to Mr. Jenkins again, hence he had to report another text violation.