Why You Need A Rival

While you’ve surely noticed that a harsh critique can screw with your performance, new research shows that it doesn’t have to. In fact, discouraging feedback can actually enhance your own abilities—as long as it's followed up with supportive words from a friend.

To come to this conclusion, researchers blindfolded 40 participants, had them play a game of darts, and told them they had performed poorly (regardless of how they actually did). Each test subject then received feedback from someone wearing a college logo sweatshirt from either their school or a rival school. Researchers found that people who received negative feedback from a rival, followed by positive feedback from a team member (so to speak) saw boosts in both motivation and performance. Essentially, they heard a competitor tell them they blew it, then received a pep talk from someone they trusted. The researchers tested out tons of different feedback variations, but this was the only combination that helped people snap out of a downward spiral in performance.

In a second experiment, researchers repeated the trial and asked participants what was going through their minds. “People were saying, ‘I was really trying to prove the outgroup [the rivals] wrong and the ingroup [the team members] right',” says lead study author Timothy Rees, PhD, senior lecturer at the University of Exeter. “Those were the ones who managed to boost their performance.”

Unless you’re into intramural sports, you probably won’t be dealing with actual trash talk. But having an opponent can help you in other ways, too. Here’s when (and why) it can pay off:

Rivals can light a fire. Whether you’re dealing with a coworker or a passive-aggressive friend, it’s hard not to get swept up in a competitive streak. But you don’t have to get down on yourself in response to their negativity. Instead, consider it an opportunity to challenge their beliefs by doing whatever’s necessary to show them up, says clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix. So the next time someone in your fitness class suggests you grab the light weights, resist the urge to fire back an insult and focus your energy on your workout instead. You’ll be motivated to work even harder, and rocking your fitness routine will feel way better than telling her off anyway.

They point out room for improvement. It’s tempting to completely dismiss criticism from a rival, but experts say there may be a reason to listen—at least to some of it. “Most criticism you receive is going to have a kernel of truth in it,” Bonior says. “A lot of times we want to completely tune them out, but every now and then they have a valid point, and if we dismiss that we’re losing out on an opportunity to grow.” Her advice: Dissect negative feedback to see if there’s some truth to it. For instance, if someone snipes that you always flake on weekend plans, ask yourself if you might actually have a problem with reliability. You may end up with valuable feedback that your close friends are too nice to bring up.

They boost bonding within your group.The “us-versus-them” mentality seen in the study isn’t just found in experiments—it can crop up in everyday situations, too. Whether you’re up against a competing company or rival fans at a football game, the presence of an outsider can boost loyalty to your own group. “Having a common ‘enemy’ often unites a group and helps with cohesiveness,” Bonior says. “People feel like they're joined in a common goal, which always helps with motivation to work together.” So the next time you and your friends need a night of bonding, try the nearest bar trivia night for a boost.