That's all from me folks

Full-time scores

It's over at Upton Park: West Ham 1-1 QPR. It's over at St James' Park: Newcastle 1-2 Reading. It's over at the Etihad: Man City 2-0 Fulham. It's over at the DW: Wigan 2-3 Sunderland. And it's over at the Liberty: Swansea 3-1 Stoke.

David Farrelly "is warming up nicely here in Logan, Utah. Now up to -20C from a low of -24C. Deckchairs and Margaritas will coming out shortly." Speaking of hotting up, it's getting tense at West Ham, who like Sunderland, are just about holding on under some severe pressure.

Oh no! Newcastle have just missed a great chance to take something from the game against Reading. Wigan, meanwhile, are all over Sunderland but the Black Cats are still holding on for dear life. And just as I was wondering what Simon McMahon has been up to, he has emailed with his latest update from north of the border. "The world-famous Dundee United FC have turned it around against Kilmarnock and now lead 2-1 thanks to a Johnny Russell double. Bottom club Dundee are hanging on grimly for a point against Hibs but will remain rooted to the foot of the table as United head for the top six." I typed woof before and I will type it again. Woof. See. I did it.

Goal! Liverpool 5-0 Norwich (Bennett OG)

Newcastle 1-1 Reading (Le Fondre)

He has just come on the pitch and he has just scored. Leigertwood's pass finds the run of Kebe and his cross is bundled, in a rather ugly manner, into the net from six yards out. "I've penned a song about Adam Le Fondre's exploits today. I've called it The Ballad of Reading's Goal," honks Niall Mullen.

Goal! Man City 2-0 Fulham (Silva)

A lovely touch form Tevez sets up Silva who dinks it over the Fulham keeper. That's the midfielder's first ever double for the Manchester side. Oh, wait a moment, Tevez has set Silva up again ... but he has scuffed his hat-trick effort. Still 2-0.

Goal! West Ham 1-1 QPR (Cole)

It's been coming. West Ham's Matt Jarvis has sent in at least 1,974 good crosses today that Chamakh could do nothing with. But No 1,975 finds the head of Chamakh's replacement, Carlton Cole. He heads it towards the goal, Julio Cesar pulls off a great save but Joe Cole follows it up to draw his side level.

Goal! Liverpool 3-0 Norwich (Sturridge)

Liverpool have won six and lost none of their last seven Premier League games against Norwich City and this should be win No 7. Stewart Downing's low cross sets Sturridge up and the ex-Chelsea striker finishes from close range. He is the first Liverpool player to score in his first three games since Ray Kennedy in 1974.

Marouane Chamakh is four yards out and somehow, when it looked easier to score, has missed the sitter of the season. Still 1-0 to QPR. A lot of Arsenal fans are chuckling to themselves right now. What happened to Chamakh? He started his first season so well and was then awful post Christmas.

Goal! Swansea 1-0 Stoke (Davies)

It was a terrible first half but at least the second one has got off to a good start. Ben Davies beat two players before doing the honours with his first goal for Swansea. "Finished with a plumb," says Merse. Remember every single Premier League game between these sides has ended 2-0 to the home side.

As it stands, QPR are just a measly two points off safety. The 'arry effect. Down in Brentford, the game's restart has been delayed because the Tranmere keeper is getting hit by snowballs by the home fans.

We're back

Sunshine, lollipops ...

Lee Purchase's suggestion for sunshine? Kieron Dyer. "You wait 10 months for it to come along, get about three weeks' worth of the hottest, brightest weather you can imagine before it is suddenly curtailed, sadly, predictably, broken leg and all, for another year," he explains.

Weather updates from around the world

Chris is "sitting on [his] balcony in Singapore drink in hand wearing shorts and T-Shirt sipping a drink and reminding myself that snow is one of the prime reasons I don't miss Blighty." While, Travis Giblin says: "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada (say that 3 times fast!) It was 0 degrees celsius. I woke up to -24 this morning with the windchill taking it to -32."

Something has happened at the Swansea v Stoke. Miguel Pérez Cuesta, or Michu if you prefer, has missed an absolute sitter. Right now, all my jealously, and yours, should be directed at Ben Clay. He has just emailed in to say that he is in Reunion (between Madagascar and Mauritius) it's 7.30pm and 30 degrees. Hard life.

Goal! Liverpool 2-0 Norwich (Suarez)

If Suarez scores a hat-trick today he will be the first player in the history of the Premier League to score three hat-tricks against a specific club, in this case Norwich. Well he is a third of the way there and Liverpool are surely more than a third of the way to three points. That is his 18th of the season.

Goal! Newcastle 1-0 Reading

On his return to the first side and his 50th game for the club, Yohan Cabaye has gone and put them one to the good against their relegation rivals Reading. A lovely free-kick was the medium of said goal.

Lucky, lucky QPR. In the box and under pressure from Hill and SWP, Chamakh goes down. Howard Webb says it ain't a penalty which it almost definitely was. Absolutely nothing has happened in the Stoke Swansea game.

Goal! Liverpool 1-0 Norwich (Henderson)

Speaking of stunning goals, Henderson has absolutely smashed a first-time half-volley home for Liverpool for what, I think, is his first goal of the season for the Reds. This goal came just moments after an email from JR said "Liverpool are looking very threatening." Good prediction skills from JR who also has a Suarez update: "he hasn't done anything nefarious. Yet."

Tracy Mohr has an offer, I for one, would love to take Tracy up on. "Here in Illinois, USA, we haven't had snow worth shoveling since last February. Feel free to ship it over here where it belongs." I think I even prefer rain to snow such is my hatred for snow.

Goal! Wigan 1-2 Sunderland (Fletcher)

A great goal this from Fletcher. A lovely run from the new boy N'Diaye sees him crossing the most delicious of balls into the box. Fletcher's initial effort is saved by al-Habsi but the Sunderland striker lashes home the rebound. From being a goal down, they are now a goal to the good. So much for my plans to continue the southern media bias and not mention either of these sides today.

Goal! Wigan 1-1 Sunderland (Gardner)

Larsson gets a free-kick outside the box. He takes it early and James McCarthy puts his hand up towards his face in an effort to ensure that he doesn't come out of the game looking like he has done a few rounds with Mike Tyson. The referee, Mr Taylor, decides it is a handball and punishes Wigan for it by awarding what looks like the softest of penalties. Craig Gardner does the rest.

West Ham 0-1 QPR (Remy)

Well that didn't take long for him to start paying back that £8m fee did it? The West Ham defence steps up allowing Taarabt to sets up Remy for a one-on-one with Jaaskelainen. The striker stays as cool as a hipster in Bethnal Green as he slotted the ball home

Back to Liverpool for the moment where a free-kick for Norwich is sent over to the far post where Ryan Bennett heads straight at Jones. He should have done better there. City, meanwhile, are bossing Fulham about the pitch.

Woof! It sounds like an absolute cracker of a start in the London derby. Remy has had two efforts already – but ruled offside for both – and Nolan has just had another one. Simon McMahon, our resident Saturday Scotland man, wants us all to know what's going on north of the border. Here's what his email has to say: "Norwich target Gary Hooper has given Celtic an early lead against Hearts, and in the early kick-off Ross County thrashed St. Mirren 4-1. Other fixtures include Inverness v. Aberdeen and Kilmarnock v. Dundee United." More woof!

Goal! Wigan 1-0 Sunderland (Vaughan OG)

There seems to have been some confusion over who actually put the ball over the line but it looks like an own goal from David Vaughan to me after Ronnie Stam's deflected effort found its way into his path.

Goal! Man City 1-0 Fulham (Silva)

Oh, what a start for City. Milner intercepts the ball around the half-way line, passes it Dzeko, the striker shoots for goal from 25 yards. Schwarzer saves it but his save only palms the ball to Silva who says thank you very much and slots the ball home. That's only his second goal of the season.

Speaking of the snow around the country, I hope that the day will never come when I fail to find this video funny. "You fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Mr. Plow?" In the first action of the afternoon, Liverpool have made a bright start at home to Norwich.

Breaking news department ...

... Newcastle have agreed a fee with Montpellier's Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, until QPR come in, organise some games of Fifa (Bayern Munich v Argentina) and get the signature of the player who, just days earlier, looked destined for the Toon.

Elsewhere on the site

My colleague, Scott Murray, is still doing his thing with his minute-by-minute report of Derby County v Nottingham Forest. You can join him but do be sure to come back and join me. My inbox is oh so lonely.

Over on Sky, they are laughing at this. Let's do the same.

The teams are in ...

... and points worth making in brief include but are not limited to: Jones and Carragher start for Liverpool in place of Reina and Skrtel (rested? dropped?) and Newcastle fans can smile wide as Cabaye returns to the staring line-up. Some of those making their first starts for new clubs today include Chamakh at West Ham, Remy at QPR, N'Diaye at Sunderland and Kelly at Reading. Balotelli, Rodwell and Aguero, meanwhile, are on the bench for City as is Owen at Stoke. Here, then, are the teams and their subs and their refs in full.

What we can expect this afternoon

In alphabetical order of sides that are playing at home this afternoon, there is Liverpool’s taking on of Norwich. The redder of these two sides hasn’t lost to today’s opposition since 30 April 1994 when a solitary strike from Jeremy Goss (ask your fathers) gave the Canaries all three points in the last game in front of the standing Kop. But not only is history and form against Norwich – their last six league results read four defeats, one draw, one win – so too is Luis “it’s true” Suárez. And in his last two matches against the Canaries, the striker has bagged two hat-tricks. Also happening this afternoon is Manchester City’s comfortable 2-0 win over Fulham.

After that, there is the relegation 600,000-pointer between Newcastle and Reading. After the same amount of games last season, Newcastle were 15 points and 10 places better off than their present position; in fact, 21 points from 22 games into a season is the Toon's lowest ever tally in the Premier League. When these two sides met earlier in the season, Demba Ba rescued a point for his side but with him gone and Loïc Rémy preferring the delights of the benefits of bottom-placed QPR, Alan Pardew’s side are in deep, deep trouble as they face a Reading side that will be chockablock with confidence following last weekend’s critic-confounding comeback against West Brom.

Some 357 miles south of Newcastle is the battle of the sibilants as stubborn Stoke set about sensational Swansea. Stubborn Stoke? Hmmm, not quite. Like an empty liquorice box, have been out of sorts recently. They have only picked up one win since they beat West Brom on the opening day of the December and the Jonathan Walters' inspired 4-0 drubbing seven days ago means they have conceded as many goals in their last three league games as they did in their previous 15. Sensational Swansea? Hmmm, well, yeah, but, hmm, no, but, yeah, kinda. OK, they beat the reigning European Champions the other day on their own turf – but even QPR can do that these days – and they are unbeaten in their last five, but four of those were draws and they could well come down with a dose of post FA-Cup debilitation following their mid-week dealings. Incidentally, 100% of the games between these two side in the Premier League have ended in a 2-0 win for the home side.

It's east v west in the first of today's top-flight derbies as Harry's QPR boys make their way across a snow-sprinkled London to take on his old club West Ham. If Skee-lo has grown a few inches during his teens he probably would never have wrote that song and if Redknapp had been in charge of QPR from the start of the season, they would probably wouldn't be in the trouble they are right now. For sure, there have been some bumps since he did but if the league had started on the day he took charge of those cowboys in the wild west, they'd be sitting in a very tolerable thirteenth spot right now. There are still fires that need putting out all over the place – they can't score for toffee and their home form is horrendous – but a win today, combined with a loss for Reading, would see them leave the bottom of table for the first time since records were kept. Finally, there's Wigan v Sunderland which we will be doing our best to avoid for the sake of our collective sanity and to keep up the impression that the southern media is biased against the northern clubs.

Welcome to today's watching of the clock

There used to be three certainties in life. Taxes was one and you are never more than 5ft from an Irish pub no matter what far-flung corner of the globe you happen to be footing it around trying to forget about your real-life responsibilities while you "find yourself" was another.

The third? Well see that's the thing. That's why used to was used in the opening sentence. It indicates a past habit or action that was true in the past but is no longer so. "Example?" Michael Owen used to be a good player but with injuries, a loss of form, some bad moves and that Alabama truck-driver's moustache of his, that is no longer the case; or, we used to think that Javi García was the only footballer/hipster until we saw this picture of Raul Meireles. The great irony of all this is that the third certainty was more certain than the previous two put together and multiplied by the whopping weekly wage needed to attract a player to get his wiggle on for QPR. It was the indisputable, irrefutable factoid that you could bet your children's future savings on and be certain of a stroll to Easy Street. At least it was until Bayern's little announcement the other day.

It's the second Spanish related kick up the Premier League's reeker in recent weeks after this somewhat bizarre selection (the reason CR7 is smirking is because he has just had a look to his left and noticed that Marcelo made the side). But said league is not going to be found sitting in the corner of its room, duvet draped around its shoulder, listening to Ryan Adams and balling its great big glazzes out like an emotion-charged child. Oh no. At the grand auld age of 7639 days, the Premier League is almost a fully-formed adult and knows that the best way to cope with these setbacks is to get on with what it does best. And what it does best is hawking its product at a preposterous price around the world and yet still do its best to try ensure that fans can’t afford to go to games put on a cracking good festival of football. And that’s exactly what we have lined up for you today folks. Here are today's top-flight fixtures: