JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Two Florida women adrift on a weathered sailboat in the Atlantic Ocean for the past three weeks are “doing just fine so stop asking, okay,” according to US Coast Guard officials.

Coast Guard Sector Jacksonville attempted to rescue Allison Zwearcan and Tina Santamaria about 10 miles east of Mayport when they were immediately told over VHF channel 16, “It’s okay. Whatever,” and that maybe if they listened every once in awhile, just maybe they might already know what was wrong.

The two women have been sailing in circles just outside the breakwater for a number of days. Other mariners reported their position and said there seemed to be something wrong, but weren’t sure, it’s just, we don’t know, we’re getting a pretty negative vibe.

Those mariners were later told to “not worry about it” and to “forget it.”

The pair left Jacksonville Beach on Nov. 3 aboard Zwearcan’s 26-foot vessel, the Ball and Chain, for what was supposed to be a four-day trip. However, it appeared that their sail was slightly damaged, in addition to being unable to decide on a place to moor up, before they were eventually stranded.

The Coast Guard made call outs to the Ball and Chain, though they promptly responded, “Isn’t funny how … you know what, never mind,” but only after a lengthily silent treatment.

“We have certain procedures for cases like these,” Coast Guard Public Affairs Officer Jason Himes said. “We try to give them a little space, reestablish communications with a little more compassion, do our best to listen, and maybe have something sweet to eat just in case.”

At press time, one of the women said “do whatever you want” over the radio, further sparking discussion on whether or not action should be taken.

When I was 8 years old, my 3rd grade teacher told me I was completely useless. A waste of human space and time taken from those who actually make an effort in this world. She hated me. Well guess what Mrs. Sonderman; fuck you. I hope you die alone and angry. Wait...what am I supposed to be writing here again?