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Jamaul, The Grand Mauler

This is my first champion post and i look forward to hearing some feedback on this champion.
Im still working on alot of stuff for this champion and so far what ive got are the abilities and a concept for the weapon this champ will weild.

ROLE:
Top Lane/Bruiser

STATS:
TBA

LORE:
TBA

ABILITIES

Passive
When Jamaul falls below 40% of his health he gains attack damage based on 2% of his maximum health for 10 seconds. 40 Second Cooldown

Q- Insta-Pound
Active:Your next attack will deal 50/70/90/130/150(+.5 bonus physical damage) physical damage and slows the enemy by 20% for 3 seconds. This ability can be cast 2 times simultaneously making both attacks occur instantly, however the slow only occurs on the first cast.

R-Maul Slam
Active: Jamaul Leaps into the air to a near target location and slams his maul on the ground knocking near him up and damaging them for 250/350/450(+1.5) Physical Damage. The enemys knocked up are the also slowed by 25% for 2 seconds.

Cooldown: 115/90/70
Cost: 125 mana

Please give constructive feedback on this champ on what needs to be added, taken away or if this champ just sucks all together

Q is not good. Needs rework: random chance is generally not liked. What if you need a slow, now, to kill an adc and win the game? You have a random chance of succeeding: the whole game now lies on a coin flip. Maybe nerf the damage but make 100% chance.

Q is not good. Needs rework: random chance is generally not liked. What if you need a slow, now, to kill an adc and win the game? You have a random chance of succeeding: the whole game now lies on a coin flip. Maybe nerf the damage but make 100% chance.

Good idea and I definitely understand where you are coming from. That is a good point and i would hate for that to happen. :P Thanks for the feedback!

I don't really understand what you were doing with Q. It probably can't be coded with on this game, it sounds like something only really done of fighting games when you interrupt frames a lot and whatnot. Anyway, I assume E is a "snare".

I think he sort of counters his own design. He has a strong initiation utility-wise, but not damage wise or defense wise. You roll in, snare them, then what. No steroids and a fairly average on-next-hit move isn't scaring anyone. When he gets low thats a different story, but it just seems like he's saying "burst me". I can see a lot of situations where he's against like an Ashe or Teemo and they just sit there and attack him til he gets low then stun/shroom him and take of kite him.

Also pre-6 he's gonna be torn apart. Aside from his W as an escape his set is entirely based on fighting champions.

Consider his W passive and innate passive and think of some other abilities that synergize better with those two because that's an interesting combination.

Firstly, don't bump when your post is still on the front page, let alone the top 10 posts. Excessive bumping just makes you look desperate and new.

Passive: Without any tanky steroid, this encourages him to remain in the fight while endangered. It doesn't make sense that a damage buff activates when you're about to die.

Q: The cooldown is way too high for a bruiser's damage/cc. Making it double cast just gives you less overall damage output unless it resets your swing timer. Random chance is not good design for League of Legends, just make it always apply. You fail to mention what the ratio scales off of. Your mana cost should be one number for the entire skill. You can lower the cooldown and make it single cast only, but then this is exactly like Darius' W...

W: Scaling per rank on your lifesteal is inconsistent and you need to go back and make it consistent. Putting mobility with sustain just doesn't make sense. The cooldown is too low for a dash. "Rolls" is the correct spelling, unless he's actually LARPing (which would be ridiculously funny). The abscence of anything unique or special (ignoring the nonsensical lifesteal) leaves much to be desired. There is no real reason to give this champ lifesteal unless his E is a basic attack modifier as well which makes his kit pretty cluttered around one function. Lifesteal only works on basic attacks and things that apply on-hit effects (Ezreal's and Gangplank's Q's for example) Spell vamp applies to all other spells, not that you should give this champ spell vamp.

E: Okay you're adding a slow and stun in his basic kit, then putting a knockup in his ultimate? That's a bit much for control. If you're going to scale a CC's duration, don't make it 0.25 unless it has a higher starting duration and that's the only thing the skill does (look at Veigar's E). Base damage is extremely weak for the cooldown, there's no ratio, and a % hp bleed just makes this skill do too much.

R: damage is way too high and scales way too much with rank. This is too similar to Malphite's ultimate for me to like it. 5 second slow is too long for any skill. Again your ratio does not tell what it scales with.

Keep in mind, when scaling with AD there is Total AD (what your basic attacks deal) and Bonus AD (what you get from items)

Personally I don't find this very interesting (I am rarely interested). It just seems to be a mess to me. I'd highly suggest reading (or re-reading) the guides in the compilation thread in the sticky at the top of this forum. Those help a lot and are pretty easy to understand.

I don't really understand what you were doing with Q. It probably can't be coded with on this game, it sounds like something only really done of fighting games when you interrupt frames a lot and whatnot. Anyway, I assume E is a "snare".

I think he sort of counters his own design. He has a strong initiation utility-wise, but not damage wise or defense wise. You roll in, snare them, then what. No steroids and a fairly average on-next-hit move isn't scaring anyone. When he gets low thats a different story, but it just seems like he's saying "burst me". I can see a lot of situations where he's against like an Ashe or Teemo and they just sit there and attack him til he gets low then stun/shroom him and take of kite him.

Also pre-6 he's gonna be torn apart. Aside from his W as an escape his set is entirely based on fighting champions.

Consider his W passive and innate passive and think of some other abilities that synergize better with those two because that's an interesting combination.

Well with his Q i kinda meant you just click Q twice and it does it twice kinda like Vi but alot faster.

Thanks for the feedback, and like i said i am new to making champions, and this was kindof a practice run, Lol.

People were saying his Q didnt do much damage.. Here how it would work.
Lets say he is a level 2. His base damage is 67 and he has a dorans blade. and his masteries give him 13 bonus damage.

So he would do his E dealing 20 damage plus a bleeding effect and he would auto attack then QQ dealing 90+73+73 damage. Equaling 256 damage plus a bleeding effect and leaving his target slowed for him to finish with his auto attacks.
Sure for the cooldown its not that much damage so i will have to adjust the cooldown or the damage but again this was a first draft.

And his passive is for like situations where u are about to die in a fight but could win with just a lil boost. I could maybe tweak it to be more like olafs passive except with damage but i wanted him to kinda be original.