Well, Emilie already looks a little bit strange. To say it clear, Emi is a lady and she wears elegant clothes, but maybe she is appearing like kind of 'Goth' (for some i would say very few people who think so) cause of the predominantly black color.

('Gothic-Lolita' would be hilarious on her....but it's absolutely nothing she wants to wear. No chance that she will wear that.)

To tell the truth, i'm mostly ignoring the clothing colors of the canon-characters in my fiction because i'ts not important to me or the story.

I think if you put the whole stuff into only one neutral media, they would wear normal colors (all shades of blue, red, green, yellow, purple, orange, brown, grey and white) and in opposite Emi only wearing black and red.

So Emilie always will be noticeable and recognizable at the agency cause of her conspicuously different look.

I'm working at the moment on the chapter i named 'The Cyborg gets a Boyfriend'. The chapter to the discussion about Emilie and Emiliano.Facts are:- Etienne and Emilie are on vacation for two weeks of holidays.- Emilie and Etienne spent time to build up their relationship a bit more. - Emilie found her first love in Emiliano.- Emilie had her first sex with Emiliano.All within these two weeks of vacation.

And I thought about some points you all have shown me.1.) Etienne gave Emilie the freedom for this two weeks of vacation to go outside with Emiliano whenever she wants to.

2.) I think i found a way to solve the problem with the boyfriend.My idea: Emiliano was killed by an car accident (rammed by a car) and died in Emilie's arms. At the hotel she begins to cry really horribly for the rest of the day and Etienne tried to comfort her. They both shut their mouths about this case and will keep that as their secret back at the agency.So Emi's vacation started good, became even better and ended in a big catastrophe for her.

But it seems that it's all going to grown up more than i originally have imagined and therefor i decided to split the whole chapter into parts.Right now i have eight finished pages. Five for the first part 'the cyborg gets a boyfriend 1', three and a half for the next part and i think it will take some more pages to finish the complete chapter.I will post what i have when i've translated the text in my thread about 'New Ways' in the library.

Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.

Then i would play that scene like this:Emilie and Emiliano were on walk. They stumbled into a plot-planing of three Padanians. The villains shot at the two teenagers. Emiliano tried to escape the gunfire when Emilie jumped up and killed two of the padanian Idiots with only one knife and a few hard kicks and punches (remember, Emi's expertized in close combat and knife-fighting). But the third padanian idiot shot at Emiliano and he was hit by several bullets. Emiliano laid on the ground bleeding heavily and watched how Emilie tore off the head of the third padanian idiot with her bare hands.Dying in her arms Emiliano asked 'who are you really?', Emilie answered crying 'Forgive me my sweetheart. i hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg,' He touched her cheek and said 'no matter what you are, i still love you, Emilie.' with his last breath and died. Emilie shouted loudly 'No!!!' to the sky.

Thanks, Nachtsider. Now it's alot more tragedy in this scene and it's alot better than what i imagined.I will use that. for the chapter but i still have to bridge the gap between that and the first day Emilie and Emiliano met.

@Nachtsider wrote:Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.

No Piano falling on his little head? Gas Explosion at the hotel? Terrorists holding up a bank? A vampire hiding in the darkness of the alley seeking a drink? Amateur single engine plane into the side of the hotel? Internet Organ Stealing Conspiracies? Come On! We Can Do This?!! There Has To Be A Way To Kill A Kid Here!

@Nachtsider wrote:Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.

No Piano falling on his little head? Gas Explosion at the hotel? Terrorists holding up a bank? A vampire hiding in the darkness of the alley seeking a drink? Amateur single engine plane into the side of the hotel? Internet Organ Stealing Conspiracies? Come On! We Can Do This?!! There Has To Be A Way To Kill A Kid Here!

@Nachtsider wrote:Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.

No Piano falling on his little head? Gas Explosion at the hotel? Terrorists holding up a bank? A vampire hiding in the darkness of the alley seeking a drink? Amateur single engine plane into the side of the hotel? Internet Organ Stealing Conspiracies? Come On! We Can Do This?!! There Has To Be A Way To Kill A Kid Here!

No (it's not a cartoon!), No, No, No (it's not twilight!), No, No (too illegal!).

Modified version of the scenario:The agency called the belgian fratello (at the end of their vacation) to check an old warehouse of possible Padanian-Things. Emilie decided to go alone but met Emiliano on the half way. He decided to follow his love and hold her hand on the walk to the warehouse. But as they arrived they stumbled into a plot-planning by some padanians. They started a gunfire on these two teenagers. Emiliano tried to escape the gunfire when Emilie jumped up and killed some of the padanian Idiots with only one knife and a few hard kicks and punches (remember, Emi's expertized in close combat and knife-fighting). But the last padanian idiot shot the fleeing boy and Emiliano was hit by several bullets. He laid on the ground bleeding heavily and watched how Emilie tore off the head of the third padanian idiot with her bare hands.Dying in her arms Emiliano asked 'Who are you really?', Emilie answered crying 'Forgive me, my sweetheart. I hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg.' He touched her cheek and said 'No matter what you are, i still love you, Emilie.' with his last breath and died in her arms. Emilie shouted loudly 'No!!!' to the sky. As result Emi swore herself never to fall in love again with a boy or someone else so that something similar never can happen again...

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

You're on the right track. It seems a little rough, like, for instance, why Emi would be okay with her boyfriend accompanying her on a dangerous mission. I actually think Chaos' suggestion that Emiliano turn out to be a mob boss' son is genius.

@Nachtsider wrote:You're on the right track. It seems a little rough, like, for instance, why Emi would be okay with her boyfriend accompanying her on a dangerous mission.

I think she was not very happy with her boyfriend on her side and was doubting about possible happenings.

@Nachtsider wrote: I actually think Chaos' suggestion that Emiliano turn out to be a mob boss' son is genius.

Good idea but nothing what i would imagine for my story.

I thought Emiliano was just a simple boy which Emilie fell in love with but died before the end of her holiday. So it was just a short romance for her.

Some other told me to keep this character alive for later vacations and meetings. I think if they met again when she's on a mission with the other girls the first thing that will happen is that he's taking a bullet into his head cause someone sees him as a possible threat.But i also see no sense in keeping Emiliano alive as a repeatedly appearing character. It's senseless if she cannot go outside on her own to met him. He: 'Hi, where were you the last months?' She: 'Err... away.'

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

Well, i overslept Chaos'idea that Emiliano could be the son of a padanian mob-boss.I don't like the idea as much as the other idea that they stumbled into gunfire where he was killed at the end, but i was imagining how it would be with this.

Emilie was at the hotel with Etienne. The agency send an email to his laptop with a picture and the order to kill 'Emiliano Capriani, son of a high-ranked padanian terrorist'. Emilie hardly ringing with herself decided to go alone to kill his first love.She met him again at the Trevi Fountain and took him to an old warehouse.She stood next to him, tears rolling down her face and said 'I'm really sorry, Emiliano. I don't mean it bad but i have to kill you now.'. He looked in her eyes and said with a calm voice 'Who are you really?'. Emilie answered 'Forgive me my sweetheart. I always hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg.' He began to hug her and said 'No matter what you are. I still love you, Emilie.' he kissed her cheek and whispered 'Do whatever you have to do.' She took out her knife said crying 'I really really loved you. But...ihave to do this... Farewell my Sweetheart.' and rammed her knife into his heart.He died immediately in her arms and she shouted loudly 'No!!!'.As she had done the job, she phoned the agency and said 'Job is done. Emiliano Capriani is dead.'Back at the hotel she smashed herself on the bed and began to cry really horrible. Etienne tried to comfort her with only little success. Etienne and Emilie decided to keep the love between her and her target a secret, and she swore herself never to fall in love again to.

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

Very well; on the constructive side of things, I would advise against making Emiliano such a disposable character. To introduce him with the intent on simply killing him off so quickly would be, at the very least, an insult to the importance that he holds for Emi's emotional growth and development within your story. The emotional bonds of the cyborgs and how they deal with them within the context of their lives is a hugely important facet of the GSG universe. Her relationship with Emiliano deserves to given a deeper and more thurough exploration. Also, introducing and then killing him off so quickly makes it all but imposible for your readers to form any kind of attachment to him. Emiliano would simply become in their minds like the proverbial "red-shirts" from Star Trek, if you're at all familiar with the concept. And again, given the importance that he holds for Emi's, that would be completely unfair.

My advice would be to spread Emilie's interactions and growing relationship with Emiliano out over at least three or four chapters. Perhaps at first, have it as something similar to Rico and Emilio in ep3. They have a chance encounter, they spend some time talking, part ways and then that's it. Later on down the line, she's in the area again for whatever reason (mission, vacation, etc) and they run into each other again. This time they end up becoming friends (assuming they didn't by the end of their first meeting). Maybe it's at this time that Emilie starts to realize she has feelings for him.

Spreading things out this way gives the reader a longer period of time to get to know the character. So that, when the time comes that he is killed off, we are better able to share and sympathize with Emilie's pain and loss.

Anyways, that's my two cents' worth. Feel free to take it as you like, or disregard it whatsoever. Remember that, at the end of the day, it's you're story, not anyone else's.

Hmm, that also sounds nice.Let them be in love for the time of vacation, then she had to left him and go back to the agency. Some time later they met again when she's on a mission with Etienne. Then she has to left him again but they met a third time when she has to kill her Sweetheart as an order of the agency.

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote:Dying in her arms Emiliano asked 'who are you really?', Emilie answered crying 'Forgive me my sweetheart. i hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg,' He touched her cheek and said 'no matter what you are, i still love you, Emilie.' with his last breath and died. Emilie shouted loudly 'No!!!' to the sky.

I’m glad you lost that, because it’s such a cliché, it’s only used in comedic situations. I think if you were telling this story in German to Germans, it would be great. Unfortunately the language barrier is taking a lot away. I praise you for your grasp of a second language (something I’ve never done) but your English is never going to get you to where I truly feel you want go. Unless you’ve been raised in a certain language, or made it a life’s priority to study, communication of imitate feelings will always be limited. Again, Kudos on your English my friend! Not everyone can master as second language like you have.

@schaschanist wrote:Dying in her arms Emiliano asked 'who are you really?', Emilie answered crying 'Forgive me my sweetheart. i hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg,' He touched her cheek and said 'no matter what you are, i still love you, Emilie.' with his last breath and died. Emilie shouted loudly 'No!!!' to the sky.

I’m glad you lost that, because it’s such a cliché, it’s only used in comedic situations. I think if you were telling this story in German to Germans, it would be great. Unfortunately the language barrier is taking a lot away. I praise you for your grasp of a second language (something I’ve never done) but your English is never going to get you to where I truly feel you want go. Unless you’ve been raised in a certain language, or made it a life’s priority to study, communication of imitate feelings will always be limited. Again, Kudos on your English my friend! Not everyone can master as second language like you have.

Thanks Danjo. Well, before i joined this forum, my English skills were only on a school-level. But the more i'm reading here, the more my knowledge of the language is growing.To differ it a bit more: Of course, German is my native language. I only learned English in school (and i was not very well there).If there is a word i don't know, i look it up in a dictionary or use a translation-engine like google-translator.

Okay, right now i'm working on the translation of the first part of the chapter.I try to keep the sense and Idioms in the text alive. So perhaps there are sometimes phrases that you don't will understand (cause they are something from the german language) but i hope that you can understand what i want to say.When i finished the text, i will post in the my thread im the library but i think it will take some more hours....

After that, i have time to think of the second part of the chapter and the end. I'm not sure at the moment which option i will choose but i'm tendering to the last idea,

ChaosKin640t wrote:They have a chance encounter, they spend some time talking, part ways and then that's it. Later on down the line, she's in the area again for whatever reason (mission, vacation, etc) and they run into each other again. This time they end up becoming friends (assuming they didn't by the end of their first meeting). Maybe it's at this time that Emilie starts to realize she has feelings for him.

or something similar.I think in this way i have more space for the whole thing.

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

There's never anything wrong with giving yourself a little bit of extra space as a writer to work in more details. Well, to a degree. I don't think you were here when I started posting my story, but my prologue (just the prologue mind) clocked in at a monsterous 55 pages long! And yes, I am now willing to admit that that was a tad bit...excessive.

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote: Thanks Danjo. Well, before i joined this forum, my English skills were only on a school-level. But the more i'm reading here, the more my knowledge of the language is growing.

Like I said, I’ve always been too lazy to take up a second language, so I’ve always admired those who have. If I ever found myself in Germany, I’d be like a typical tourist who had to fish out the German/English dictionary just to find a bathroom, and even then I’d have to point out the word because of pronunciation.

As far as fanfic authors are concerned, I’m mediocre at best, but for what it’s worth, I’ll give you whatever advice I can.

Hmm, i'm working on the second half of the chapter.But I'm sticking a bit.I have to solve the problem with the growing feelings between Emilie and Emiliano but i think i will put one of the posted ideas:

@ChaosKin640 wrote:My advice would be to spread Emilie's interactions and growing relationship with Emiliano out over at least three or four chapters. Perhaps at first, have it as something similar to Rico and Emilio in ep3. They have a chance encounter, they spend some time talking, part ways and then that's it. Later on down the line, she's in the area again for whatever reason (mission, vacation, etc) and they run into each other again. This time they end up becoming friends (assuming they didn't by the end of their first meeting). Maybe it's at this time that Emilie starts to realize she has feelings for him.

And I'm solving the problem with the rules some have explained.Etienne told her an evening back at the hotel that there is a huge risk for them both, Etienne and Emilie. And he said that there is also a huge risk for Emiliano to get killed.I imagined that this little conversation caused a really horrible nightmare for Emilie (but right now i keep the content of that dream as a secret for the release of the chapter) and she woke up screaming loudly.

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

I'm trying to put a bit more action in my fiction.But unfortunately I have absolute no real idea what I can do, okay I always have no real idea how to write action-sequences.

Can anyone help me a little bit? I thought Etienne and Emilie were on vacation but got an email with instructions to observe and kill someone (who is in their near). They were at the hideout of the target, Emilie stands outside leaning against a handrail (possibly asking the target something in french and appearing like a tourist girl) but the target runs aways. Emilie followed the target but he started to shoot her, she shot back and killed the target Then i thought one bullet scraped off a bit of her skin but it heals by itself (i think if not muscular tissue damage it's possible) so no need to go back to the agency and they end their vacation a few days later.

My problem is now how to plan such a mission and the instructions and the mission. To say 'go and kill target xyz' seems a bit senseless to me.

Okay, i can write very good conversations with alot of emotions but action-scene-writing is a thing where I'm really bad... (Thats why my fiction is so focused on the conversations and emotions.)

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

Action-sequences are something that I do really well, so I'll see if I can give you some pointers. First off, the key to a well-written action scene is all about pre-planning. Decide on how many people you want involved in the fight on both sides, what you want to happen to each of them and in what order. Once you have that rough outline, start planning out how you want each sequence of events to happen. Say, for example, you have Emi slice one bad guys' throat open. Does she sneak up on him and take him from behind, or does she just charge in and butcher him like a pig? Essentially, know where all of your characters are, what they are doing and where they ultimately end up.

Second, action scenes are all about detail and pacing; and the detail sets the pacing. How fast or how slow you want the scene to flow dictates how much detail you use in describing what is happening. Personally, I favour a lot of detail in writing my action-sequences, because I feel it gives me the impression of riding around on the character's shoulder, experiencing the battle right along with them. So in that case, spend extra time on describing what the character sees, smells, hears, etc. If expressing the thoughts and emotions of your characters is what you're strong in, that use that. Spare a moment here and there to describe how Emi is feeling during the fight. What is she thinking? Is she scared, nervous, excited, frustrated, or angry? Then detail that.

Remember: in writing action, you are the choreographer. It's your job to know where, when, how and why everything happens and to take your readers through it step by step.

@schaschanist wrote:Then i thought one bullet scraped off a bit of her skin but it heals by itself (i think if not muscular tissue damage it's possible) so no need to go back to the agency and they end their vacation a few days later.

Same thing happened to Henrietta in Episode 1 and 2 and in V1 Ch1, when she was protecting Jose. She still needed to go back and have reconstructive surgery gone to the arm.

@schaschanist wrote:Then i thought one bullet scraped off a bit of her skin but it heals by itself (i think if not muscular tissue damage it's possible) so no need to go back to the agency and they end their vacation a few days later.

Same thing happened to Henrietta in Episode 1 and 2 and in V1 Ch1, when she was protecting Jose. She still needed to go back and have reconstructive surgery gone to the arm.

And No. It does not heal itself as you might thing healing it done.

Err, Henrietta's muscles in the arm were damaged, not much just a little bit, but were replaced. I think the skin itself does heal itself.Remember, the doc bandaged the repaired arm and said she's not allowed to take a bath for the next days until the skin heals.

Spoiler:

So I don't believe that they need to go back to the agency cause they get a simple paper cut or something like this (they are still a self-reproducing living organism, they bled, and can sweat!).

@ChaosKin640 wrote:Action-sequences are something that I do really well, so I'll see if I can give you some pointers.First off, the key to a well-written action scene is all about pre-planning. Decide on how many people you want involved in the fight on both sides, what you want to happen to each of them and in what order. Once you have that rough outline, start planning out how you want each sequence of events to happen. Say, for example, you have Emi slice one bad guys' throat open. Does she sneak up on him and take him from behind, or does she just charge in and butcher him like a pig? Essentially, know where all of your characters are, what they are doing and where they ultimately end up.

Second, action scenes are all about detail and pacing; and the detail sets the pacing. How fast or how slow you want the scene to flow dictates how much detail you use in describing what is happening. Personally, I favour a lot of detail in writing my action-sequences, because I feel it gives me the impression of riding around on the character's shoulder, experiencing the battle right along with them. So in that case, spend extra time on describing what the character sees, smells, hears, etc.If expressing the thoughts and emotions of your characters is what you're strong in, that use that. Spare a moment here and there to describe how Emi is feeling during the fight. What is she thinking? Is she scared, nervous, excited, frustrated, or angry? Then detail that.

Remember: in writing action, you are the choreographer. It's your job to know where, when, how and why everything happens and to take your readers through it step by step.

Hmm, and what about briefing and that? There should be a little bit sense in the orders and instructions but the only thing i can imagine is a simple 'go and kill'-mission, no background, why is it the target or anything.The only things for Emilie's missions I can imagine: Emilie sits around with Etienne and observing or Emilie kicks asses or Emilie shoots faces...

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote:Err, Henrietta's muscles in the arm were damaged, not much just a little bit, but were replaced. I think the skin itself does heal itself.Remember, the doc bandaged the repaired arm and said she's not allowed to take a bath for the next days until the skin heals.

It is highly likely that they replaced Henrietta's skin once they completed the muscle repair and that is why she was not allowed to bathe so that the artificial skin could properly bond with the artificial muscles. Notice when the doctor is examining her shoulder, there is no skin/dermis peeled back to reveal the wound. Instead, the skin has been removed (and likely discarded).

The SWA eventually adopted nanotechnology from the United States to perform skin replacement - we see Henrietta in the "bacta tank" with sections of artificial skin floating around and her shoulder muscles exposed.

That tank... I really hate that tank, looks so freaking and ridiculous inhuman!

Okay, I thought about why Emilie is so different. It started after she was injured heavily by protecting Etienne against a bomb explosion.She asked about her and their history and said something from her deepest heart but then she started to feel uncomfortable with herself and begins self-doubting.All after repairing (and conditioning)...

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote:Then i thought one bullet scraped off a bit of her skin but it heals by itself (i think if not muscular tissue damage it's possible) so no need to go back to the agency and they end their vacation a few days later.

Same thing happened to Henrietta in Episode 1 and 2 and in V1 Ch1, when she was protecting Jose. She still needed to go back and have reconstructive surgery gone to the arm.

And No. It does not heal itself as you might thing healing it done.

Err, Henrietta's muscles in the arm were damaged, not much just a little bit, but were replaced. I think the skin itself does heal itself.Remember, the doc bandaged the repaired arm and said she's not allowed to take a bath for the next days until the skin heals.

Spoiler:

So I don't believe that they need to go back to the agency cause they get a simple paper cut or something like this (they are still a self-reproducing living organism, they bled, and can sweat!).

They bleed, so goes my VW if an oil line gets cut or the case cracks.They sweat, same with the VW, with the AC turned high on a very hot day.

Other than that, lets get technical here. In fact, the medical training in me says...

Henrietta's wound could have been taken cared of with some tightly packed gauze. As the Doctor says, only a bit of skin and muscle was shaved off by the bullet. If it were you and me, it would be a very ugly scab in a couple of days under some tightly packed gauze. But there is Henrietta getting a partial rebuild with a muscle parts replacement on top of something that would take 1 or 2 stitches for us to do. The same with Emi. Here's why.

Ever noticed that the none of the girls are fat, over weight or even morbidly obese? The cybernetic implants take up so much of the girl's energy that fat is not developed in their bodies. Thus instead of having a layer of fat under the Dermis (the living layer of skin under the outer layer- the Epidermis), their skins are directly on top of their muscles. A shot to the arm like Henrietta had took a bit of skin off and the muscle directly under it. Even if the arm was just grazed, sliding on top of the skin and not getting cut, the muscle directly under it would still get damage and therefore has to be replaced. It is not like the rest of the body where anti-ballistic layers are to protect vital organs. This is also why the girls have such huge appetites and requires to eat so much that they would be banned from "All-You-Can-Eat" places. A shot to the arm on Emi would produce the same results.

Note: The arm was still usable by Henrietta (and as it will for Emi), but because the artificial skin will not heal itself, this leaves an open wound for a nice infectious bacteria to make their home. Thus is has to be treated by a medical staff as soon as possible. Such an infection, no matter how slight, to a cyborg would be deadly as artificial byproducts of their cybernetics have no natural defenses against bacteria. And since they are already heavily medicated, who knows what will happen if you add another drug to their medication mix.

@ChaosKin640 wrote:Action-sequences are something that I do really well, so I'll see if I can give you some pointers.First off, the key to a well-written action scene is all about pre-planning. Decide on how many people you want involved in the fight on both sides, what you want to happen to each of them and in what order. Once you have that rough outline, start planning out how you want each sequence of events to happen. Say, for example, you have Emi slice one bad guys' throat open. Does she sneak up on him and take him from behind, or does she just charge in and butcher him like a pig? Essentially, know where all of your characters are, what they are doing and where they ultimately end up.

Second, action scenes are all about detail and pacing; and the detail sets the pacing. How fast or how slow you want the scene to flow dictates how much detail you use in describing what is happening. Personally, I favour a lot of detail in writing my action-sequences, because I feel it gives me the impression of riding around on the character's shoulder, experiencing the battle right along with them. So in that case, spend extra time on describing what the character sees, smells, hears, etc.If expressing the thoughts and emotions of your characters is what you're strong in, that use that. Spare a moment here and there to describe how Emi is feeling during the fight. What is she thinking? Is she scared, nervous, excited, frustrated, or angry? Then detail that.

Remember: in writing action, you are the choreographer. It's your job to know where, when, how and why everything happens and to take your readers through it step by step.

Hmm, and what about briefing and that? There should be a little bit sense in the orders and instructions but the only thing i can imagine is a simple 'go and kill'-mission, no background, why is it the target or anything.The only things for Emilie's missions I can imagine: Emilie sits around with Etienne and observing or Emilie kicks asses or Emilie shoots faces...

I've always believed that there is some kind of subcutaneous layer since they do bleed and sweat. Also, if the skin just sat right on the muscle, the girls would look funny (like those female body builders with "rippled" skin) and they'd also feel strange to the touch (no give).

For me, I imagine the muscles themselves act as the primary armor belt, especially for the arms and legs. I imagine there is plate-type armor around the rib-cage to protect the critical organs, but the abdomen would depend on the musculature for it's armor (since the girls can twist and bend).

Everyone seems to have a different opinion on the skin & organs...they've all been debated in other threads. I like the idea that the skin is living tissue...anchored by a tough synthetic matrix which gives a degree of puncture resistance (like flexible Kevlar fabric).

Fat? In my stories it does not exist. The cyborgs can not store energy so they (and their handlers) must always be careful about keeping the fuel tank full. It's a liability...and in fiction weaknesses are just as important as strengths.

Infections? In my stories I've taken the opposite road as Elfen. Because of their engineered body chemistry & possibly nanobots in the bloodstream the cyborgs are more resistant to infection than ordinary humans. They can still get sick...as evidenced by Dr. Bianchi's question for Henrietta in Chapter 10.

@Kiskaloo wrote:For me, I imagine the muscles themselves act as the primary armor belt, especially for the arms and legs. I imagine there is plate-type armor around the rib-cage to protect the critical organs, but the abdomen would depend on the musculature for it's armor (since the girls can twist and bend).

Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.

I think when it all comes down to it, the safest and easiest thing to do is to play things as vaguely as Yu does. It'll spare you a lot of headaches, that's for sure.

Armor-plating, hmmm...I thought from the beginning that Emilie is not as heavy armored to make her more flexible.More Flexibility makes sense for Close Combat (martial arts).

Okay, Emilie had a not so little reconstruction cause of the explosion but that experience changes her.She starts asking about her history and starts to feel incomfortable with herself and start creating a own will.Even Etienne was touched by this action and tries to protect her by any chance. She is everything he still have and don't want to loose his little 'daughter'. And he can not look into her lovely ice-blue eyes without reminding that she's the daughter of his passed away best childhood friend.The decision to make Emilie cyborg is something he's really regretting, a mindless shortcut decision out of pity by seing Emilie amputated and heavily injured that time ago in the hospital...

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange?-Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth.-Emilie Valerie De Laroque-

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote:Would you say a Cyborg like Emilie is very suitable, not to say professionalized, for bodyguarding?

I would cause of raised/increased flexibility and speed she is better and more suitable for that than anyone else.

In that case I would add bodyguarding/personal protection to her workfields.

I'd say a cyborg who is quiet, well behaved and polite...yet extremely observant is the best choice for bodyguard duty. All the girls have the physical attributes to do the job, but do all of them have the right temperment? (my Marisa certainly doesn't) Based on your description I think Emilie has the right personality.

One thing against Emilie is her age...she'd look suspicious as a bodyguard (the Padania would know exactly what she was). What's more she's too young to drive. If the VIP she was protecting needed to be shoved in the car & evacuated she could barely reach the pedals.Overall I'd say the best use for Emilie would be the same as Henrietta had in Chapter 17. Pose as a relative of the VIP during a dangerous time when an ambush is expected and be ready for a fight.Just make sure she's wearing clean underwear that day!

@schaschanist wrote:Would you say a Cyborg like Emilie is very suitable, not to say professionalized, for bodyguarding?

I would cause of raised/increased flexibility and speed she is better and more suitable for that than anyone else.

In that case I would add bodyguarding/personal protection to her workfields.

I'd say a cyborg who is quiet, well behaved and polite...yet extremely observant is the best choice for bodyguard duty. All the girls have the physical attributes to do the job, but do all of them have the right temperment? (my Marisa certainly doesn't) Based on your description I think Emilie has the right personality.

Emilie is a quiet girl, well behaved and polite. It is part of her personality and she already was that before cause she was the only child of a richer family...To be very observant, that was one of the first things ever Etienne taught her.

@schaschanist wrote:Etienne was teaching Emilie the first few basics of martial arts and self-defensing. "It's important to be focused on the enemy/opponent or he will kick, hit or smack you.”Emilie confirmed. “Always focus the opponent, I got it.”Etienne: “Right." Etienne began to show her some kicks, hits and defense poses. "Watch my moves and try to do it as I did.”Emilie showed him her moves by smashing a sandbag. Etienne grabbed a little paper, formed a paper ball of it and thrown it from the side. The ball hits Emilie's head. “Hey, try to mind everything in your surrounding. Or you will be defeated by an enemy.”"Mind everything in your surrounding, I got it." Emilie looks at him with bright eyes. “You're really a master of martial arts, aren't you?”Etienne laughed. “I'm very good but I'm not the best in the world.”She answered happily his statement. “For me you are the greatest person in my live.”Etienne laughed again about her words. “You're such a adorable little girl.”

@Professor Voodoo wrote:One thing against Emilie is her age...she'd look suspicious as a bodyguard (the Padania would know exactly what she was). What's more she's too young to drive. If the VIP she was protecting needed to be shoved in the car & evacuated she could barely reach the pedals.

I know some women smaller than me driving a car without any problem.... To be fair, with somewhere between 1,65m and 1,70m I'm really a short guy (worst is, I have shorter legs than the average...)And with a height just a little bit under 1,60m (Emilie is 1,57m tall) it's not that difficult to drive a car in general.(My grandpa is around the same height as Emilie but has no problem to drive his Audi 80.)

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Overall I'd say the best use for Emilie would be the same as Henrietta had in Chapter 17. Pose as a relative of the VIP during a dangerous time when an ambush is expected and be ready for a fight.

Appearing like the niece of the protected person or the friend of the protected person's child is a good deal.Or Etienne protects the father/mother (primary target) and Emilie the daughter/son (secondary target). I think this possibly would work.

those are tights, not leggings,and tights see thruness depends on their thickness ,but generally you would see her undies in that sort of position,though not for long as i think that guys neck gets broken

Spoiler:

as shown here by Katie Price,may not be safe for work,though she is fully covered

I don't care about the girls underwear. You can not see it... I'm more focused on the clothes you can see.

A nice little picture I found on danbooru: Translation from right to left: Auu... Tissue....tissue..Possibly Emilie who got a hit on the nose. Maybe by Jean cause she was talking with him about acceptance as a human again... for the 700th time.... Watch your back, Jean. Someday you will get the bill!

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

@schaschanist wrote:Would you say a Cyborg like Emilie is very suitable, not to say professionalized, for bodyguarding?

Henrietta, Petrushka and Triela have all served in that role in canon.

A recent chapter of Pactio had Kara helping guard the PM (and saving his life from a sniper).

Honestly I think body guard duty sort of comes with the territory of being a cyborg. The way I see it there's a set of core roles that every cyborg has to be able to fill, be they snipers like Kara and Melanie, divers like Marisa, knife fighters like Emi, espionage experts like Monty or whatever. So body guard duty, general combat and so on. Some are obviously going to be better at those core roles than others, same way an accountant in the army isn't gonig to be as good of a front-line fighter as a professional special forces badass, but they still need to be able to fill that role all the same if called on to undertake it. You get the picture.

Lets stop the discussion about underwear, this goes too far.I don't talk about that more in this thread, it's more something for the outfits-area.

Again, I don't care about the underwear. I have my focus on the clothes you can see, so the general fashion and clothes.

To sum up, Emilie is a quiet, well behaved, polite and observant girl, trained for close combat and specialized in martial arts and knife-fighting.Workfields are personal defense/protection/bodyguarding, observation, espionage and ambushes.Have I forgotten something?

I just want to sum up to get the kinds of missions in which I can send Emilie and Etienne.

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

I thought about the things some of you told me days ago in the Chatbox. ElfenMagix gave me the advise to think about my story and some of the facts about my OC.And now i had thought about one, i think very important, point:Emilie's Conditioning and the reason why she is how she is.

Emilie is receiving a new conditioning which is tested on her. They tried to solve the problem and the issue of memory malfunction but nobody knows about the lacks and side-effects of this new one.For the first time it worked well, all memories from the past life are away forever, (of course, skills, behavior, languages and that stuff is still there), and she was a 'normal' Cyborg.Then on a mission something happened, an explosion. Emilie was injured heavily after this explosion (the explosion had thrown her through a complete room and both arms and a leg were ruined) and she needed a large repair and a huge amount of the conditioning. But then something went wrong, they used too much and as a side-effect that caused Emilie's 'mind-change'. She started to think of her own, to doubt about and to feel uncomfortable with herself. The doctors, mostly Dr. Bianchi, decided to watch Emilie's behavior and developing, to see what will happen and if it's solving by itself, they let Emilie be 'herself' in a given area. But the don't considered how much they are torturing her with that. Emilie doesn't feel comfortable with herself and her body, tries to accept what she is but it doesn't work well and so she's experiencing every single day a roller coaster of emotions, she sometimes wants to kill herself to end her pains, she sometimes wishes that all never had been happened to her and sometimes she just accepts all. Then she often has horrible nightmares, can not sleep for nights, suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night or often cries alot till she fall asleep.So Emilie does have a lot of emotional stress and everything is grinding on her really hard (about 50% of her time) and suffers alot from that, but it's caused as a lack and side-effect of the conditioning (and not just for fun).The agency still sends her on missions with Etienne cause she does everything they told her to do. She doesn't like her work very well but she tries everything to do her work as good as possible (and she uses the missions to get her mind off to other thoughts as well).

I think this is a plausible explanation of the whole thing and will work.

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

I thought about the things some of you told me days ago in the Chatbox. ElfenMagix gave me the advise to think about my story and some of the facts about my OC.And now i had thought about one, i think very important, point:Emilie's Conditioning and the reason why she is how she is.

Emilie is receiving a new conditioning which is tested on her. They tried to solve the problem and the issue of memory malfunction but nobody knows about the lacks and side-effects of this new one.For the first time it worked well, all memories from the past life are away forever, (of course, skills, behavior, languages and that stuff is still there), and she was a 'normal' Cyborg.Then on a mission something happened, an explosion. Emilie was injured heavily after this explosion (the explosion had thrown her through a complete room and both arms and a leg were ruined) and she needed a large repair and a huge amount of the conditioning. But then something went wrong, they used too much and as a side-effect that caused Emilie's 'mind-change'. She started to think of her own, to doubt about and to feel uncomfortable with herself. The doctors, mostly Dr. Bianchi, decided to watch Emilie's behavior and developing, to see what will happen and if it's solving by itself, they let Emilie be 'herself' in a given area. But the don't considered how much they are torturing her with that. Emilie doesn't feel comfortable with herself and her body, tries to accept what she is but it doesn't work well and so she's experiencing every single day a roller coaster of emotions, she sometimes wants to kill herself to end her pains, she sometimes wishes that all never had been happened to her and sometimes she just accepts all. Then she often has horrible nightmares, can not sleep for nights, suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night or often cries alot till she fall asleep.So Emilie does have a lot of emotional stress and everything is grinding on her really hard (about 50% of her time) and suffers alot from that, but it's caused as a lack and side-effect of the conditioning (and not just for fun).The agency still sends her on missions with Etienne cause she does everything they told her to do. She doesn't like her work very well but she tries everything to do her work as good as possible (and she uses the missions to get her mind off to other thoughts as well).

I think this is a plausible explanation of the whole thing and will work.

Something to add. The doctors ordered Etienne to take good care of Emilie and her Emotions and to try to control them. (It's a bit needless to say that he already is taking very good care of his 'daughter', for him she is the only thing he really loves.)Emilie on her side is ordered to give report about her Emotions and her emotional developing, so she often talks with Dr. Bianchi. (It's also part to decide whether she is still capable for work or not).

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

In fact that Emilie is more and more scared by herself Etienne decided to give his 'daughter' a stuffed animal, to comfort her for the case that he's not available and so he bought this: He gave this penguin the name 'Tux' (after the linux mascot).Etienne entered the room of his cyborg. Emilie was lying on her bed and staring sadly at the ceiling above her but sat up as she noticed her handler.He gave her a 15cm tall stuffed penguin. "Here Emilie, this is 'Tux'. He is there for you if I'm not available to comfort your sorrows."Emilie looked skeptically on the small penguin.He lifted an eyebrow. "You don't like it?"Emilie still looking on the penguin. "I do like it. But..." She thought a second. "Don't you think I'm a bit too old for a stuffed animal?"He tried to explain. "I thought it would be a nice present to brighten you up a bit." Then he began to grin. "And no, you're never too old for such sweet presents, Emi."

And cause Etienne is ordered to take good care of his girl and her emotions he decided to take her and go outside time by time, to bring her mind off to other thoughts. (Going to the beach, visit museums, visit concerts, etc. and they even spend one of their vacations in Emilie's hometown Bruges in Belgium).

Last edited by schaschanist on Sat 12 May 2012 - 9:16; edited 1 time in total

Schaschanist

Forum Posts : 786

Location : Germany

Fan of : Henrietta,Triela and Claes; Hydrangea

Original Characters : Etienne & Emilie or "Eti & Emi"

Comments : Emilie Valerie De Laroque, a 13 years old dark and gloomy part-french girl from Belgium, with excellent manners and a slight french accent...

It's a good choice for her...a little strange but unique. The SWA dorm seems to have enough stuffed animals to start a small zoo. Triela has her famous bear collection of course. Henrietta has at least one of her own, shown in Chapter 8...As for OC's, I know Kara has a life-sized stuffed Collie (dog) and Allison a cartoon mouse that her cyborg boyfriend Jay won for her at a carnival.

My Marisa...

Spoiler:

This should surprise no one.

Last edited by Professor Voodoo on Thu 3 Mar 2011 - 2:01; edited 1 time in total