menh/MENH/mennnnnh Interjection 1a: a non-specific declaration of delight as in (Menh! I’m so very pleased to see you!) 1b: a non-specific declaration of dismay as in (I am incredibly hungover and in need of a Caesar; mennnnnh!) 2: in place of a growl, purr, roar, cry, or similar as in (triumphant turtle, menacing fish, or similar: Menh!) 3a: in times of triumph or victory as in (joyful baby: Mennnh! ~I am born!) 3b: as a battle cry as in (attacking squirrel: Mennh! ~I will crush thee!)

Shampoo Saga

I just spent a wonderful evening smoking mara-jew-ana and thinking about crazy shit.

I hate to be a ‘beauty queen’, but lately I have noticed that there is something about the texture or fall of my hair that is just not quite right. As I stood in my shower tonight, lathering Dove “Damage Therapy” onto my head with abandon, it suddenly dawned on me that I have no clue as to what makes up a “good” shampoo. Do you?

Let’s break it down shall we!? The Dove “Damage Therapy” bottle lists the following chemicals items as making up its main ingredients:

“Methylchloroisothiazolinone is found in many water-based personal care products and cosmetics.[1] Methylchloroisothiazolinone was first used in cosmetics in the 1970s. It is also used in glue production, detergents, paints, fuels, and other industrial processes. Methylchloroisothiazolinone is known by the registered tradename Kathon CG when used in combination with methylisothiazolinone.”

(Ha! Re-enter the redheaded step-heathen… Oh! Methylblahblahblah also has uses in paints and fuels eh? Let me just slather this all up in my hairs, near my eyes and face…)

“In pure form or in high concentrations, methylchloroisothiazolinone can be a skin and membrane irritant or cause chemical burns. It was largely removed from most cosmetic products except for those with only short duration skin contact such as rinse-offs. Its inclusion in certain forms makes it more acceptable to sensitive users, so it can be found in cosmetic creams and lotions which require skin contact. In the United States, accepted concentrations are 15 ppm in rinse-offs and 8 ppm in other cosmetics.[citation needed]

The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), does not currently list methylchloroisothiazolinone as a known, probable, or possible human carcinogen,[3] nor have in vivo tests found evidence of carcinogenic activity.[citation needed] Methylchloroisothiazolinone is an allergen 2-3% of individuals.[4][5] A common indication of an allergic reaction is eczematous (rashy) symptoms such as redness and itching on surfaces exposed to the allergen. These symptoms will disappear several weeks after exposure is ceased. Common points of exposure in household items are shampoos, hair conditioners, soaps and pre-moistened toilet/bath wipes.”

(I will see your cancer, and raise you a chemical burn…)

What the fuck Dove?! What the Fuck?!

No wonder my hair looks and feels like shit. I could almost feel all the natural nutrients being sucked out of each strand of hair as I worked that oh-so-glorious lather into abundance. Goodbye Keratin, hello clean but severely damaged hair. But I mean, it’s not just Dove (Unilever), they aren’t the only hygiene product con-glom to blame. I know Fructis is just as bad if not worse. Pantene Pro-V revolts me; I think the issue here may be drugstore brands. According to totalbeauty.com the top 8 worst drugstore brands are in descending order to 1:

Fructis, good for you, you suck only slightly less than your drugstore counterparts!

The problem is, I don’t necessarily trust the designer shampoos either… but what is a person to do?! I think ultimately, we may all be better off beating an egg into an emulsified oil concoction and calling it a day…

That is all I have the time or energy for at the moment. When my quest for a decent shampoo yields some noteworthy results, I’ll let ya’ll know. In the meantime enjoy your Methylchloroisothiazolinone.