Intimacy in the News

BC Care Providers Association will be holding its third Care to Chat speaker session on Tuesday, April 8th at the Terminal City Club, the topic, Please Knock Before Entering: Intimacy & Sexuality in Care Homes.Maureen McGrath, host of CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show, will deliver the opening keynote address and join the panel discussion moderated by Sophie Lui, anchor, Global BC Morning News.

Tune into Global BC Television at 7:20am on Monday April 7th for a sneak peak of the event. Sophie Lui and Steve Darling will host Maureen McGrath on the show, as the trio discusses the complexity behind intimacy in care homes.

Recently, the upcoming Care to Chat was the focus of an article published in the Vancouver Sun. In the article, reporter Tara Carman tackles the issue of intimacy among care home residents, particularly among those with dementia, as well as the need to identify and support the needs of LGBT seniors. To read the article, click here.

On April 3rd, the Vancouver Courier Newspaper covered the complex issue. In the article, Cheryl Rossi interviews Care to Chat panelist, Catherine Kohm, as well as BCCPA Director of Policy and Research, Heather Campbell, for their thoughts on the topic. Read the full article below, or click here to visit the Vancouver Courier website.

Registration for the April 8th Care to Chat is now closed, thank you for all those attending. If you were unable to register for the upcoming Care to Chat, don’t miss the next one taking place at the BCCPA Annual Conference on May 25th-27th. BC’s first Seniors Advocate, Isobel Mackenzie, will lead a session entitled, A Conversation with B.C.’s First Seniors Advocate, as she addresses the sector in her new role. For more information, click here.

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Sex among seniors can be part of a healthy lifestyle

Forum on intimacy and sexuality in senior care homes scheduled for April 8.

But accommodating the intimate desires of seniors, particularly when it concerns those who are queer and/or struggling with dementia, can be a delicate business.

Taboos and moral and ethical dilemmas will be explored at a session called Please Knock Before Entering: Intimacy and Sexuality in Care Homes at the Terminal City Club, April 8.

“We’re really trying to normalize the fact that seniors have a sex life,” said Catherine Kohm, panelist and executive director of Haro Park Centre in the West End. “People think you come into an institution and your sexual needs and desires disappear and that’s not true.”

Consent can be a cloudy issue for those suffering with dementia. Staff at Haro Park has had to handle cases where a husband who lives outside the long-term care home wants to have sex with his cognitively impaired wife. They’ve had to discuss with the resident, her partner, substitute decision makers and staff whether consent is possible. In some cases, the door to the wife’s room had to be left open, no clothing could be removed and physical intimacy meant handholding.

Residents in different tiers of care can strike up sexual relationships, sometimes even when they have a partner on the outside.

Haro Park Centre staff have also dealt with a “very vulnerable” senior bringing a suspect person from the street back to the care home.

“It’s just talking about it and trying to be respectful of individual agency and what people want and what’s safe and making sure that our morals, values, don’t get in the way,” Kohm said. “And if somebody chooses to have posters or pornographic pictures in their room, you know what? That’s their room. They can do whatever they want.”

Intimacy among older people within a facility can require physical accommodations such assistance getting into bed or a bed lift.

“And then do you call when you’re done?” Kohm said. “Or some people who are incontinent, how do you clean yourself after.”

She added a sex surrogate like the one Helen Hunt played in the movie The Sessions, could be a good idea.

“What’s the outlet for people?” Kohm said. “Physically, how do some people even masturbate?”

Heather Campbell, director of policy and research at the B.C. Care Providers Association, which is hosting the Care to Chat session, says family members are often surprised they don’t get to make decisions about their loved one’s intimate activities.

“That mom in a care home, as long as she has capacity, it’s up to her in terms of what she wants to engage in,” Campbell said. “Having a power of attorney or a representation agreement doesn’t necessarily give you the authority to make those decisions with respect to somebody’s sexual activity.”

Being respectful of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender residents and responding to bigoted bullying is also key.