Saturday, April 6, 2013

i just wanna start by sayin its fucking amazinxg thtat i remembered to do this right now. you're welcome, world, for this gem of a blog post that will invariably follow. i dont' know.

so i have been drinking since 4 pm (at least). it is not 3:28 am. sign number one that i need to get my life together: my legs hurt from too much drinking and sedentary activity. emburrassing.

i went to lunch and was liek 'lol i'll run errands afer" AKA WANAN GO TO THE BAR AND GET A DRANK?? yes. duh. so i did that nd then it just turne dinto drinkeing untik the very last call which is only 1 am and then i went ot some party. so. i did tht. and then on the walk home my friend was like "do you want my jacket" and i was freezing so obviously i said yes, so that's proof that living in mississippi isn't so god damn bad, everybody calm down.

i ate sonic earlier and then didn't finish it and put the chicken "poppers" in my back seat and then when i got back to my car, i ate them cold and old, so sue me.

don't sue me. i don't have any money, you won't get anything. although in terms of clothing assets... it's a lot. you can have that if you plan to sue me, but i don't know how satisfying that would be for you, depending on who you are. if you are a man, you will hate this compensation. if you are a trendy asian girl that is 5'2" and an average BMI, you'll like the prize, tehn.

my hair smells like second hand smoke and i wonder, will i have to wash my hair again tomorrow? i hope to god not, it's the worst.

THE WORST.

MAYEB I SHOULD JUST BE A BALD PERSON
WHO WOULD CARE??????????

I WOULD, BUT IF I DIDN;T, WOULD IT MATTER? LET'S NOT CARE TOGHETER. PUT YOUR TOES TOGEHTER AND LOVVE THE EARTH LOL OK STOP IT YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS JUS TBE NORMAL PLEASE I CANNOT HANDLE YOUR RIDICULOUSNESS JUST GO HOEM AND BE A CLOWN

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

this is on the topic of people u secretly hate but can't up front tell, and part of the reason is that theyre your room mate's boyfriend and you like your room mate but sometimes wonder if their boyfriend is legit either mentally retarded or just totally uncaring of the feeligs other people around them. to the boyfriend i secretly hate:

1. if you're putting your groveries in the fridge, why the FUCK wouldn't you watch out for other foods in the fridge? don't knock over a saucer full of sauce. decency no tonly dictates this, but i feel that COMMON SENSE HERE IS FIRST. OH, I KNOCKED SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE OVER........ MAYBE I SHOULD RIGHT IT? OR CLEAN UP THE MESS I FUCKING MADE? i don't know.

2. if you're going to use your room mates (aka, my) tooth paste, at least try to hide it. if its fucking obvious that whoever uses the toothpaste squeezes the tube from the bototm, then MAYBE YOU SHOULD TOO. DON'T FUCKING SQUEEZE MY TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE FROM THE MIDDLE. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AND ALSO, SHOULDN'T YOU BE HIDIND THE FACT THAT YOU'RE USING MY TOOTHPASTE? UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU ARE LITERALLY A FUCKING IDIOT.

3. do your dishes. i don't get it. if you lEave your dishes at the sink without washing them--- who do you think is washing them? if your'e NOT washing your OWN dish, LOGICALLY, WHO THE FUCK is washing YOUR dish? not you, is the answer. so wash. your own. FUCKING. DISH. YOU LAZY. SACK OF SHIT. YOU'RE A SACK OF FUCKING SHIT. IT'S INSANE THAT ANYONE LOVES YOU. THAT FACT THAT YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU EVEN REMOTELY, IT BLOWS MY MIND.

4. why do you have a key to the house? i hope your key carries a terrible disease and you catch it. and it disables you from using my toothpaste or from putting the groceries away (since your lack of common sense renders you totally unable to put things away like a logical person).

5. you're terribele. you will neber see this. maybe i willconfront you about my toothpaste when i'm sober. right now i'm just angry and numbert=ing things.and you know what? it doesn't matter how drunk i am, you're still a sack of shit.

Monday, December 17, 2012

my computer is lagging, its really fucking annoying. why is it doing this to me? UGH WHY? IS IT THE WIFI> IS IT MY LAPTOP? IS IT BLOGGER? FUCK WHAT EVER IT IS STOP LAGGING I HATE THIS WHAT IS THIS AMERICA ONLINE? IS SOMEONE TRYINF TO CALL WHILE I'M USING UP THE PHONE LINE WITH MY INTERNETZ AND CHATTNG? SOMETIMES WE WANNA JUST CHAT OKAY?
uggghhhhhhh i hate this. i think part o fmy anger is that i just ate mcdonald'my computer is lagging, its really fucking annoying. why is it doing this to me? UGH WHY? IS IT THE WIFI> IS IT MY LAPTOP? IS IT BLOGGER? FUCK WHAT EVER IT IS STOP LAGGING I HATE THIS WHAT IS THIS AMERICA ONLINE? IS SOMEONE TRYINF TO CALL WHILE I'M USING UP THE PHONE LINE WITH MY INTERNETZ AND CHATTNG? SOMETIMES WE WANNA JUST CHAT OKAY?

uggghhhhhhh i hate this. i think part o fmy anger is that i just ate mcdonald's. it wa the bigget mistake of my life. seriously. i got a ... not the one with two hamburgers, but the picture next to it. i can't remamebr what its is. quarter pounder? that osunds sooo heavy. it probably is as heavy as it sounds. it was delicious in the moment of eating, but now that i am sitting in bed watching american's top model, my heart hurts and its beatin kind of fast. but i think in part that is due to the fact that i have been entirely immobile since school let out.

speaking of school, my student saw me at the bar tonight and was like "i feel lik you feel awkward every time you see me out". what i wanted to say was "yes. i yes, i feel awkward, especailly since you are everywhere and i know you secretly hate me." but i didn't say that. instead i said "i thought you fely awkward" and she said no, i really liked you. BULL SHIT MAMA. BULL SHIT. whatever. it is what it is.

also. let's go back to america's next top model. i am on the second to last episode. i am PISSED. FUCKING PISSED abotu who's left. also this season they did some stupid bull shit where one of the girls who was eliminated can get back on teh show based on viewer votes. UM YA KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FUCKIGN BULL SHIT. IF YOU GET KICKED OFF YOU SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED BACK ON. SHE DID'T HAVE TO DO LIKE 5 OF THE ROUNDS OF ELIMINATION... WHAT IS THAT FUCKING BULL SHIT? viewer votes mean less to me than lady gag. and if you must know, lady gag(a) in my opinion is the worst. the absolute worst. when i hear any of her songs, i throw up my own heart and it cries, "what has happened to terrible pop music? it was at least enjoyable on one level, now it just sucks a piece of your soul into its abyss and makes sure any joy left in it is turn into black sadness." If she (voter viewer voted gap toothed bitch) ends up being america's next top model, my opinion of tyra banks will go below whatever level its at now (rock bottom).

gettig up to drive home tomorrow. i think i will probably forget sometign important liek underwear or my drivers license or bearity.

lol if i forgot bearity i would drive back and get her even if the risk was having to take a trip to mordor.s.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

god grant me the grace to not be such a fucking impatient whore.
i just don't understand t. i don;t have the pateince fo normal dating. either you like me or you don't. aka uyou ether text me or not. if you don't i interpret that as not liking. it's rpettu simple. aparentl;y its not simple though. or so they tell me.

FUCK THE RULES.

I MAKE MT OWN RULES.

RULE #1. DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB
RULE #2. IF YOU'RE IN FIGHT CLUB YOU;RE AN IDIOT, JOIN A BETTER CLUB
RULE #3. IF YOU'RE NOT TEXTING ME YOU SHOULD BE
RULE #4 BITCHES AND FUCKTARDS THAT AREN;T TEXTING ME WHOULD BE SENTENCED TO DEATH.

sentenced to death? does that sound harsh? well the punishment for being a fucking moron is pretty harsh. if the world were the way i wanted it to be everything would be perfect and i would'nt be single and angry. oh well.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

do you evere like someone and you feel embarrrased to like them? before i contiue wiht this tipic im jus gonna say that blogger redecorted their shit and its throwing my off becaue ebring tlook so dfi=iffent okay. look i am drunk lets ot deny it. how can we interptet this. we can't its; illegibe im pretteu usure. LOOK. i might be sruk hehthsrfhOFHh;heIhkhsFHAShoahI DIBTL WRQR I QDONT KNOW, OK? Leav me the fuck alone suck my dick bitches. PL/????????
????????
I SEE LIGHTS AND I THINK OK,
I JUST ATE NO JOKE" SHRIMP FLAVORED CHIPS" THATS WHAT IT SAYS ON THE BAG. I'VE BEEN EATIN SHRIMP FLAVORED CHIPS MY WHOLE LIFE THOUGH,JUST SAYING.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Im trying to log into blogger right now but its not working. UM yeah so that's dedication. Im so fucking tired right now. But my fans were like “yo we need mre dubbel viziion.” SO I WAS LIKE OKAY WHY NOT? So here I am. On word document. And this shit keep sauto correcting my spelling. So yall will not see the original form of my typing. Im just saying its kind of good for how much ihad to drink.

Went to 2 dolla Tuesdays at bruno’s …. Yeaheverything was 2 DOLLAS. Right????????? Met up with my friend spam and hse was with all her friends. It was a sausage fest. But one with lots of fguys wearing graohic tees. Aka really not the type of person I would noramll converse with. But its nice to see how the other half lives. The other half of people that wear graphic tees.

What I want ot know…. Is why anyone wears cargo shorts. Why??? Why do you need the extre pockets???? I don’t get it. I will never get it. Someone with cargo shorts got my number. I didn’t see he was wearing cargo shorst til he got up to leave. But really. What was I supposed to say? You can’t have my number becase you’re wearing cargo shrots??? That’s just rude.

Imagine if you were wearing cargo shorts. What would YOU keep in the pockets? Me, I would put dirt in them and make them pocket gardens. One pocket would be mushrooms, the other, some sort of flower. I would be a walking, cargo short garden. And people would thank me when I went to bars and gave out fresh strawberries or cilantro. Gr8 idea, me. So there is a reason for cargo shorts after all.