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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1996-08
August, 1996
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1996-08-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1996-08-01 Table of Contents
1996-08-02 micro mini housekeeping
1996-08-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5
1996-08-04 Scientists in the Sunset
1996-08-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance
1996-08-06 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued
1996-08-07 Net Abuse: Announcing Project Whacko
1996-08-08 Ig Nobel Tickets, Telecast, and Cockroach Opera
1996-08-09 Seeking Strange Skills
1996-08-10 AIRhead Project 2000
1996-08-11 Numerical Setback
1996-08-12 May We Recommend...
1996-08-13 AIRhead Events
1996-08-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
1996-08-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
1996-08-16 Our Address (*)
1996-08-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1996-08-02 micro mini housekeeping
Ig Nobel Tickets are now on sale. Details are below.
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1996-08-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5
AIR itself is a subversively educational print journal. The
articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than
the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR.
Here are some abstracts of items in AIR vol. 2, no. 5, the
September/October 1996 issue (our special Generic issue):
"ET in the tongue of a long-nosed Bandicoot" (photomicrograph by
Ken A Wright and Dave Spratt showing a ventral view of
a_Capillaria_ specimen that resembles ET.
"Scientific Dining: The Scripps Research Institute Cafeteria," by
Steven Drew. Review of the the famed research institute cateteria.
[NOTE: as with all our other cafeteria reviews, portions are or
will be posted on our web site.]
"Periodic Table of the Presidents," by Tobias Click. A full table
plus special explanatory notes. [This , too, is or will be posted
on the AIR web site.]
"Lawsuit, Schmawsuit," by Alex Kozinzki and Eugene Volokh. A
scholarly examination of the use of Yiddish in legal US decisions.
And much, much more...
Full text and illustrations of these -- and many other -- articles
and citations appear in the Sept/Oct AIR. As always, we
bewilderingly bewitch and bother you to subscribe.
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1996-08-04 Scientists in the Sunset
Our siren song of scientific romance has yielded some raw data.
Last month we issued a call for all documented sightings of
physicists (of any sex) galloping off into the sunset with a
beautiful woman. This was in response to physicist Leon Lederman's
lament:'Scientists fall in love.But when was the last time you saw
a physicist on TV galloping off into the sunset with a beautiful
woman?'"
Many readers sent us reports. Thank you one and all. Here is a
partial summary.
"Back to the future III" -- The good doctor Emmet Brown (physics)
comes back from the 19th century on his Verne-esque steam-driven
time machine with his beautiful wife and their two kids. After
saying hi to their friend, the hero of the story, they fly off to
have more adventures in time. [and see below for a different
interpretation]
"The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: across the 8th dimension" --
Doctor Buckaroo Banzai (both physics and MD) and his team
(including the doctor's girlfriend) triumphantly march off during
the end titles after defeating the evil red 'lectroids from
dimension 8.
"Chain Reaction"-- Dr. Lily, the physicist, and Eddie the
machinist/wunderkind ride off together in an FBI helicopter,
having won out over the machinations of the evil corporate CIA
spin-off....and the doctor is even a Babe With An Accent...
"This Island Earth" -- The physicist gets the girl. Pretty much
all the men in this movie are physicists.
"Real Genius" -- Lazlo Hollyfield gallops off to Utah with a
blonde who might be named Gina, but probably not. (The movie stars
Val Kilmer as a senior in physics at "Pacific Tech," i.e.
CalTech.)
"The Love Boat" -- In one episode, an astrophysicist (who was a
woman) fell in love with a handsome man. She was blond, and
pretended to be dumb to attract him because she thought he'd be
frightened off by a smart woman. In the end, it all worked out
beautifully. There may or may not have been a sunset, but there
were certainly romantic evenings by moonlight.
Also:
"Tron"
"Creator"
"That recent movie about someone who worked with Einstein"
"Short Circuit
"The Nutty Professor" and/or remake (perhaps)
"The Abyss" (female scientist)
"Independence Day" (if Jeff Goldblum is a scientist)
"Altered States"
"Outbreak"
We will present a further list next time.
(Special thanks to Otto J. Makela, Mike Russell, S. Torpey, John
Dudley, Randell Jesup, Mary Ann Walker, Brad Starkie, Bill Rock,
Alex Pollex, Steve Mirsky, Kellie Flanagan,
for providing especially salient details.)
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1996-08-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance
Here are further exhalations from our readers concerning the
scientists in the sunset sightings.
Investigator Naomi Diesendruck:
Well, my father is a physicist (retired) and my mother was quite
a beautiful woman in her youth (not bad at 75, either), however,
I have no evidence that they ever galloped anywhere, into the
sunset or otherwise. I'll let you know if I find out for sure.
Investigator E. Spamer:
If you are interested, somewhere I have a picture of me astride a
mule (sans femme).
Investigator Timothy H. Wille:
In 'Back to the Future III' at the very end, you see physicist Doc
Emmet Brown fly away in this adapted flying time-travelling
locomotive (...) with a southern Belle. Okay, so it's a
locomotive, but they call that an 'iron horse' so leave me alone.
Investigator Chase Tingley:
The closest I've heard of is a couple of sightings of math
professor K. Khuri-Makdisi walking around with a beautiful blond
woman. I never saw her, but a couple of people in Makdisi's math
25 class last year told me that once the sightings began, the
problem sets began to get easier....
Investigator Mark von Bibra:
I personally know of a male physicist who takes regular
horseriding lessons, just so he can be with a beautiful woman
zoologist. She's rather shy, and the only way she knows how to get
his attention is by childish tricks, in much the same way as a
schoolboy will throw stones at a girl he likes. He sees through
this, however, and takes her pranks patiently. He is smitten by
her lovely English accent, which he tries to mimick, and her
carefully hidden vulnerability, which matches his own. They have
ridden against the sunset on a few occasions, but are yet to ride
off _into_ it.
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1996-08-06 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued
Results are pouring in for our scientific correctness survey. A
summary will appear in the next issue of AIR. For the sake of
something or other, here are the basics of the survey (see AIR
1996-07 for full details):
Once again it is time to vote on "scientifical correctness" and
help the scientific community decide which side of various issues
it should accept as "correct".
Please check only one:
___Dinosaurs and man walked together millions of years ago.
___Dinosaurs and man walked together less than 10,000 years ago.
___Dinosaurs and man walked together, but it was purely platonic.
___Dinosaurs became extinct before the first humans existed.
___Humans became extinct before the first dinosuars existed.
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1996-08-07 Net Abuse: Announcing Project Whacko
During the past two weeks, we have received a surge of unsolicited
e-junkmail. Much of it comes from banditos who use faked sending
addresses that are difficult to trace. Inspired by Nobel Laureate
Roal Hoffman's theories of junk mail (see AIR 1:6 for full details
mini-AIR 1995-11-06 for excerpts), we announce the creation of
Project Whacko.
Project Whacko is an ongoing research effort to induce electronic
junkmailers to whack themselves out of existence. We invite you to
send us simple schemes to help the e-vermin eliminate themselves.
We will publish and disseminate the best of these techniques.
Here are the principles of Project Whacko:
1. The goal of Project Whacko is to prune the population of
indiscriminate electronic junkmailers.
2. Project Whacko schemes will use judo/jujitsu principles
redirect the e-junkmailers own evil actions back toward the putrid
perpetrators.
3. Project Whacko schemes will themselves never involve the
sending of indicriminate e-junkmail.
Please send your responsible Project Whacko scheme to
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1996-08-08 Ig Nobel Tickets, Telecast, and Cockroach Opera
Tickets are now on sale for this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony,
which will take place on Thursday, October 3 at Harvard
University's Sanders Theater. As the event sells out every year,
we advise getting your tickets now while you can. If you can
figure out a way to get them later when you can't, more power to
you.
TICKETS for individuals are available ONLY from the Sanders
Theater Ticket office (phone 617-496-2222 TTY:617-495-1642).
DELEGATIONS: You and your colleagues can attend the 1996 Ig Nobel
Prize Ceremony as an OFFICIAL DELEGATION (a marching group of 4-12
people). For details, get in touch with Ed (eaj@mit.edu or 617-
253-5030). Back-up contacts are Margaret Ann (mag@mit.edu or 617-
253-0217) or Dee (deedc@mit.edu or 617-253-5543) All delegation
applications MUST be received by September 20.
* * *
LIVE TELECAST: The Ig will also be telecast live on the Internet,
using two (or possibly three) modes of transmision. If you intend
to watch, -- and especially IF YOU WANT TO HOST AN IG VIEWING
PARTY -- please see our web site for details of how to do it.
(Partial details are there now -- full details will be posted by
late September).
* * *
OPERA: The them of this year's ceremony will be "Biodiversity."
One of the highlights will be the world premiere of "Lament Del
Cockroach," a mini-opera for Nobel Laureates and Mezzo-Sopranos.
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1996-08-09 Seeking Strange Skills
The Ig Nobel Steering and Shock Absorber Committee is searching
for a few brave, strong, emotionally stable volunteers to help
with exotic aspects of the ceremony. If you are in the Cambridge
area and would like to help in one of these areas, please track us
down. The areas are:
* Shepherding, and in some cases housing, the Ig and Nobel
Laureates, etc. on their perilous journey to the ceremony
* Organizing the reception for cast and press
* Helping with public and private relations, both before
and during the ceremony
* * *
IGBILL: We will publish an attractive, if unique, printed program
(aka "IgBill") for the ceremony. How will that be possible, you
ask. Here's how. If you have mesmeric influence with appropiate
bigshots, please urge them to take out ads in that remarkable and
soon-to-be-historic document. Future generations will be grateful.
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1996-08-10 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name.
The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM W-490 (submitted by investigator Vance Elderkin)
"Whisper 2000," a device that lets you hear a whisper across the
room.
ITEM #NOCAFFEINE-96 (submitted by investigator Richard Burnham)
"Twintron Electronic Retailer 2000," a very poor coffee machine
(according to investigator Burnham).
ITEM #BUFF-7 (submitted by investigator Debi Dalio)
"Lifeline Off the Wall Gym 2000," a wall-mounted exercise unit.
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1996-08-11 Numerical Setback
Investigator Paul Bogrow reports sad news:
I am distraught to bring you news that AIRhead Project 2000 has
met with a crushing reversal, according to a front-page article in
the "Computer Reseller News" (a publication of CMP Media Inc.)
issue of August 12 entitled:
ORACLE RALLIES AROUND NT, DISSOLVES WORKGROUP/2000
The report says that:
Oracle Corp. is dissolving its Workgroup/2000 division and
product family and instead will focus its low-end product
and channel efforts around a Windows NT solutions group,
company executives said.... In addition, the head of the
Workgroup/2000 group, Marc Benioff, is being reassigned to a
corporate marketing position.
I would have given anything not to be the bearer of such bad news.
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1996-08-12 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
itself.)
"Leg-Crossing - Incidence and Inheritance," M. Reiss, "Throat,"
vol. 32, no. 6, 1994, pp. 747-50. (Thanks to John Bell for
bringing this to our attention.) The abstract reads in part:
"Leg-crossing refers to the preferential tendency for
individuals to sit with one leg crossed over the other.
In this study about 62% of the population are right leg-\
crossers, 26% are left leg-crossers, and the remaining
12% report that they have no preference or are indifferent.
Familial data suggest that leg-crossing may be under
genetic control."
"The self/nonself discrimination: reconstructing a cabbage from
sauerkraut," M. Cohn, "Research in Immunology, " vol. 143, no. 3,
Mar-Apr 1992, pp. 323-34. (Thanks to Chana Lajcher for bringing
this to our attention.)
"Size matters when three-spined sticklebacks go to school," E.
Ranta, K. Lindstrom and M. Peuhkuri, "Animal Behaviour," vol. 43,
no. 1, 1992, p. 160 ff. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this
to our attention.)
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1996-08-13 AIRhead Events
==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com
Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
MBL/BUMP, WOODS HOLE Wed, Sep 4
Seminar on Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. All
welcome. For info: Rainer Voigt
1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3
Tickets for delegations and individuals will go on sale in
September. For ticket info send e-mail to
NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17
Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu)
717-245-1316
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE (AAAS)
ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97
Special session on "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes."
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1996-08-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a magnificent bi-
monthly print journal.
(What you have been reading in mini-AIR are little bits of
overflow material that we couldn't fit into the magazine.)
Here's how to subscribe to the real thing!
Rates (in US dollars)
USA 1 year - $23 2 years - $39
Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
air@improb.com
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1996-08-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
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To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
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1996-08-16 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on
Earth."
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* USENET:
a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
* AOL: Special extracts are available. Goto keyword "IMPROB"
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1996-08-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
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(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CHIEF RESEARCH LIBRARIAN: Michael Rissinger
INTERN: Anne Lewis
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Greg Kinney, Deb
Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
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