Indiana Jones VS Han Solo

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Sparkitor Note: Copyright laws prohibit us from using pictures of Han Solo and Indiana Jones, so instead, we got you this picture of regular Harrison Ford staring at sunglasses-wearing Harrison Ford. YOU'RE WELCOME.

We’re back, Sparklers and Manklers! And have we got a treat for you…again! We read the comments on our first article and were so crazy pleased by the feedback. Metalhead loves that Psych got more comments and votes (pffffttt :P….) but I (aka crazywritergirl) love that there were a few people who were just as creepily in love with Spencer as me! I’M NOT ALONE! There are just TWO points that we want to touch upon before we introduce the topics *cues orchestra.*

A few of the people asked why I (crazywritergirl) did not include Emily Prentiss in my list. Well, for one, I had already gone above and beyond my allotted word count. Also, I am still suffering severe depression about her leaving the show and my psychiatrist told me to not talk about her or I may suffer ANOTHER panic attack. AND, since she was one of my absolutest favoritest characters ever, the description would have been far too long and there would have been no room for the Psych section. (Note from Metalhead: And that would have been the only way she would have won!)

Also, a few people asked why we would compare Psych and Criminal Minds in the first place, since the shows are not the same. Well, we talked about it and came to the rational conclusion that…WE CAN COMPARE ANYTHING AT ALL! You guys just got lucky that we compared something vaguely similar (they ARE both television shows after all). The original plan had been to compare Doodle Jump™ and oriental rugs. So it could have been worse. So…much…worse. But do not fear! Today’s topics are so similar that they even have the same darn face! And what a smashingly badarse face it is!

Han is pretty awesome. But his awesomeness cannot merely be summed up through a character sketch! So this time, I shall use a list! Han Solo is awesome because:

- His name is simple, yet invokes brilliance and daring

- He is a SMUGGLER! How much more badarse can you get?!

- He has a Wookiee, a Wookiee that can “tear people’s arms out of their sockets,” and yet good old “Chewy” has never visibly scarred Han…and he seems to have every single limb in place.

- He goes from lowly-smuggler-guy-who-works-for-giant-slug to war-hero-dude-who-marries-princess. He’s like the Star Wars version of Aladdin!

- He has a smashing sense of humor! Do you think that laughter is the best medicine? No…sarcasm is the best medicine. And good old Doctor Han always comes through!

- He has a living statue made out of him…and this glorious piece of art gets hung in a smuggler-slug’s personal palace! Talk about fame!

- He’s pretty darn good with that blaster, he doesn’t even NEED a special colored glowstick!

Metalhead in defense of Indiana Jones:

Well, looks like I’m using a list too. Indiana Jones hardly even needs an explanation, but Crazywritergirl puts up a good fight. Let’s do this. Indiana Jones is awesome because:

- He’s kind of a nerd, but he’s also an awesome action hero. The only archaeology professor who has ever taken down a Nazi.

- He’s sort of historically accurate. World War II, fighting the Nazis? It’d be realistic if it wasn’t for the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant and all those things.

- The ladies loooove him. From female bartenders to Nazi defects to even his own students, no woman can resist Indy.

- Isn’t “Indy” just such a cool nickname?

- The man has awesome fashion sense. No one rocks the fedora and jacket like him.

- He’s tough. Really tough. No villain who goes up against him will survive. Like that one German guy who went over the cliff in the tank? Yeah, that was epic.

- He can handle a whip like crazy. Whoosh! Crack!

- He’s scared of snakes. Which provides for some really, really funny moments. And makes him seem much more human. Without that fear, he’d be way too perfect.

Back and Forth

(Note from Metalhead: This is a new addition where I and CWG go head to head in a chat argument trying to convince the other that our point is correct. And ultimately both fail.)

MH: Indiana Jones is wayyy better than Han Solo! He has a much better fashion sense!

CWG: Puh-lease! Han doesn't need a hat to be smashingly awesome...or a whip. And he isn't afraid of snakes! (Though he's probably afraid of trash disposals and giant slugs and carbonite.)

MH: Indy's a PROFESSOR for gosh sakes! He would have been able to escape getting frozen in carbonite for sure!

CWG: HAN DID IT FOR LOVE!!! (and because he kind of had no choice...BUT HE STILL DID IT FOR LOVE!!!)

MH: Would Han have chosen the right Holy Grail? No way, he never thinks things through like Indy does.

CWG: That is because Han is a man of action...and blasters...and action-packed blaster scenes.

MH: Indy's a man of action too. Did you SEE him back that huge German guy into that airplane propeller?

CWG: Man, that was sickening. I covered my eyes the WHOLE TIME!

MH: Well, Indy got captured by Nazis and survived. That takes guts.

CWG: Han got tortured by Darth Vader, captured and put on display by his crazy boss, and almost eaten by a giant desert bug thing. That takes guts too. And speaking of entrails...he DID cut open that weird snow horse thing to save Luke. That probably took guts. (pun totally intended)

MH: How many girls did Han pick up? ONE! And she hated him at first. Indy's had three!

CWG: Are you saying that Indy's ladies never hated him? Hahaha did you even watch the movies?!

MH: Well, one turned out to be evil and she died. But he tried to save her anyway. And he saved the other two multiple times...that takes skill.

CWG: Buttever...it's all moot anyway. There's someone WAY BETTER than Indy and Han.

MH: Who?

CWG: Harrison Ford.

MH: Yes.

You’ve read both sides of the debate; now it’s time for you to cast YOUR votes! Comment and let us know who’s better: Han or Indy! Go ahead and suggest topics for us to tear each other to pieces over, and we might just use your suggestion in our next post. Peace out!