Andrei Arshavin is an Arsenal player, this is not a repeat.

Despite what the World’s Least Reliable Newspaper claims, Andrei Arshavin is an Arsenal player. The player himself said that he signed the papers at 16:58 on Monday. The FA then approved the deal and then registered him with Arsenal. Furthermore, Aston Villa is not pursuing any claim against Arsenal in today’s meeting of Premier League clubs, though there will no doubt be an inquest into why it took until Tuesday to announce the deal.

The only thing left for Andrei is to get his work permit in order, then he can start training, get match fit, and maybe play in a game at the end of the month.

Irregardless, Andrei Arshavin is an Arsenal player, full stop.

There’s actual news going on, people! Sure, none of it is Arsenal news, but there’s real life news out there. Like David Beckham saying he wants to stay in Milan now. I guess instead of bringing football to America and teaching Americans how to play, he’s decided that he should stay in Milan and teach Phillipe Senderos how to play. Or what about Micah Richards getting arrested? So, not only is he a crappy footballer, he’s also a mean drunk? Or how about the fact that Everton beat Liverpool in the final minute of their clash, and ITV didn’t broadcast it??? This is important stuff.

Surely there’s something better to do today than sit around worried about whether Arshavin is an Arsenal player or not?

Like have an 80-1 bet that Arshavin will be PFA player of the year. That’s what I’d do if my country wasn’t run by a bunch of backwater puritans who made online gambling illegal and yet there’s a f*cking casino on every corner, across the street from the church, where they have bingo night.

I guess instead I’ll just enjoy the day “off” from worrying about anything. After all, we’ve got the Friday presser tomorrow and I’m sure there will be plenty to worry about after that.

See you then!

P.S. Oh for f*ck’s sake… I just went on the dot com to look at their Sunday’s Key Battles article and there staring at me is a rat faced gambling addict xenophobic loser. Just what I needed to disturb my calm.

P.P.S. If you need further convincing that the player is not ready to play or that the deal was done on time, watch this interview with Ivan Gazidis (requires Microsoft silverlight plugin, I don’t know why they couldn’t do it like everyone else and use YouTube or any of the other flash based players.)

This is a very serious topic so I’d like to take a few minutes to address your concern.

One of the hallmarks of this blog is the humorous use of certain phrases as a point of emphasis; “cocksandwich,” “c*nt,” “f*ck,” “prick c*cksucker,” “irregardless,” “Spuds,” and “Wet Fart Lane.”

So, you may occasionally see a paragraph like “Irregardless, Kevin Davies is a f*cking c*nt. I hope that prick c*cksucker’s legs explode from a hard challenge by some cocksandwich this weekend against Spuds at Wet Fart Lane.”

Tim, for every 23 times you use ‘irregardless’, you should use ‘regardless’ once. There are 23 of us reading the blog out there who have had the same concern that ignatz expressed for over 23 weeks now. ignatz: Thanks for the post. Tim: irregardless of what Russ says about you, I like you.