Snoring claims lead to disharmony in the bedroom

Saturday

Sep 14, 2013 at 12:01 AM

Once again, problems have developed in the Killebrew bedroom, this time concerning nocturnal noises — or maybe I should say alleged noises.

Chad Killebrew

Once again, problems have developed in the Killebrew bedroom, this time concerning nocturnal noises — or maybe I should say alleged noises.Five and a half years ago I wrote about the battle of the blankets in which my wife was hogging all the covers. This time, she claims I'm the culprit, waking her during the night with my snoring. I'm skeptical about her allegations and am awaiting solid evidence.When one spouse takes more than his or her share of the blankets, the other has proof. The shivering partner can show how the blankets have shifted far to one side or even droop to the floor. Goose bumps may be another sign.Snoring involves what I would call circumstantial evidence. One person wakes the other or says the next morning that the partner was snoring. Yet it all involves that person's word. Most of us trust and usually believe our spouses, but some concrete evidence makes it easier to admit fault.For example, one of my wife's nighttime quirks involves raising her arm, scratching slowly a time or two, and then scratching it quickly before turning over. She's always asleep when she does this. I have often wondered why she does that, but she doubts the veracity of my claims. Perhaps I need to record her doing it one night, although the light from the camcorder might wake her.I also don't want to give her any ideas about making an audio recording of my alleged snoring. I could always claim she found a clip of someone snoring on the Internet, and it's not really me.One night this week she even left the bed and headed to the sofa in the den. I do have a valid reason I might have snored that night. My younger son caught a cold last week, which he promptly passed to the rest of the family. Thankfully, it was a short-lived one, with a day of sore throat and a couple of days of congestion, but I didn't sleep well Tuesday night, and perhaps I did snore a bit that night.My wife says she tries gentle ways to prod me out of my snoring. She first will poke and prod, attempting to reposition me without waking me up. If that doesn't work, then she will wake me and tell me I'm snoring. I usually deny it and grumpily roll over. A friend pinches her husband's nose; I don't think I'd take too kindly to that approach.I've told her there's an easy solution that doesn't involve her heading to a different room: foam ear plugs. I've used them for years, first when my children were young and would wake up earlier than I wanted to on weekends, and then when I was traveling and staying in a hotel. Now I use them almost every morning, since my wife wakes up early to exercise.So far, she's resisted that idea. She doesn't like foam plugs in her ears or a sleep mask over her face, another device I regularly use. I realize I may look funny, but it does allow for a few more precious minutes or even hours of sleep.The most shocking threat I've heard is separate beds. I recall as a young boy the two twin beds in my grandparents' bedroom. I'm not sure the reason they didn't sleep in one bed, but perhaps it had to do with snoring. But depending on the volume, even separate beds in the same room may not provide a remedy.All of us notice changes in our bodies as we age. My teeth seem to be breaking down on me. Perhaps snoring — if indeed I am doing it — is another sign of growing older. My wife definitely hopes it's a short-term situation and not a permanent change.A good night's sleep serves as an important start to the next day. No one wants to wake up feeling tired. That's one reason we look forward to weekends, when we can turn off the alarm clock and receive an extra hour or two of precious sleep. Just ask any teenager or new parent about the importance of sleep or the effects of not receiving enough shuteye.For now, barring some credible evidence, I'm sticking to my story that the noises my wife claims she's hearing are imagined. We survived the blanket crisis — I sometimes still wake up cold, but not as often — and we'll make it through this one, too.Chad Killebrew is executive editor of The Dispatch. He can be reached at 249-3981, ext. 215, or at chad.killebrew@the-dispatch.com.

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