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Mormonopoly Mormon Money Machine LDS

The tacky and tasteless way to make a buck
behind the Zion Curtain. Please add you suggestions in the box below.

MormonMotors - Models designed for the Lard's Chosen People

04/27/2006 by D. P. Gumby and cricket

I think auto manufacturers are missing a tremendous opportunity in marketing to
the "fastest growing church on Earth". Therefore, I submit the following:

THE GREAT MORMON MONEY MACHINE

03/21/2005 by Inside-outsider

It's the World's Perfect Business Scheme and you can do it too. Just start your own "Afterlife Insurance Company" then make the greatest promise humanly imaginable -- promise your clients that if they totally obey you and pay their premiums, after death they'll become Gods! In fact, polygamous Gods who'll have eternal sex with innumerable partners! Until then, they'll enjoy moral supremacy over all humanity. You do need to claim that you're a prophet of God however, but this is the easiest claim on earth to make and no one can prove you're lying.
Here's your big payoff

Using the power of your "Afterlife Insurance Company":

You demand a whopping ten percent of each client's income for their policy premiums and...

You publicly humiliate anyone who questions you or fails to pay. This power is so great that...

You can even ban clients from attending things like family weddings! And yet, the absurd irony is...

You don't have to prove to anyone that your Afterlife Insurance Company actually works, so...

You are worry free because, in this business, all your disillusioned customers are dead. Therefore...

You never pay off a single claim (although you literally promised the Universe). Then, incredibly...

You exercise massive social, political and economic clout. And the proverbial "fruits" abound --

You and your cohorts rule vast empires wielding your colossal power and wealth!

This Great Mormon Money Machine is perfect, it's just Lies,Dollars and Sanctimony

Two facts expose this money-making scheme: (1) The LDS church is one of the wealthiest religions in America while, (2) Mormon-dominated Utah is consistently first in personal bankruptcies. The Church gets rich--as members get poor. These two undisputed facts display the final outcome (fruits) of Mormonism and, according to Matthew, such fruits reveal False Prophets.

"I printed over 10,000 games and will have sold them all
in about one year, slowly but surely." -
10/16/2000 - Neal Moore

For only $174.50 you can buy Gordon B. Hinckley on a pedastal
that plays "We Thank Thee Oh God For A Prophet" at the push of the little
black button. For only $229.98 you can buy The Carthage Jail which plays
"A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" at the push of the little black button.
Available at Sunstone International

Mormon Missonary Door Knocker - Brass knuckles for the Mishies

Mormon Missonary Countdown Clock - Can also be used as countdown for next Space Shuttle launch to Kolob

The Golden Plates by Cumorah Classics for $1,400.00 - golden in more ways than one!

Auction off the bloody garments that previous Counselor
to the bishop Scott Falater was wearing the night that he
stabbed his wife 44 times!

Automatic electric masturbator- so you can honestly answer the Bishop...."NO, I DIDN'T!" (Because the jizmaster did it FOR you!)

Low-cost, previously worn garments. In yellow, brown , or calico.

LDS Bicycle built for two: Watch your partner's ass.

Celestial sex with an anatomically correct and erect statue of President and Prophet Joseph Smith. This service for endowed members, only. Please wipe after each use.
- 10/01/2000 - L. Snell, Sacramento, CA