In Martha Mathers

In a future segment that could prove to be even more uncomfortable than when Sean Puff-Diddly-Daddy Combes taught her how to rap, Martha wants Eminem. No, not in her cookies. On her show. As a guest.

According to Forbes.com, Martha said, “I would really love to have Eminem on the show … I don’t think he knows that my demographic audience is so involved in Eminem music.”

I really do want to give Martha the benefit of the doubt here, but I can’t help but think this is an extreme reaction to Rachael Ray’s stellar daytime ratings. God, once she gets Eminem on, what on earth will she do with him? Maybe she could show him how to trim his wife-beaters with hand-ruched white leather, or whip up some handmade Marshmallow Mathers, or maybe even show him how to fold his wife-beaters. Just … no more rapping, PLEASE! (It is, admittedly, very sad that the most I know about Eminem centers on his wife-beaters, but hey, I never pretended to be Martha’s audience.)

I deleted Martha from my TiVo last year, but if Eminem really comes on the show, I’m so TiVoing it. I’ll just have to make sure I vacuum under my couch, since I’ll likely be cringing under there in sympathetic embarrassment.