First things first: If you follow the instructions below, you are an idiot who is risking fines, imprisonment, getting kicked out of school, and worse.

Cultivating weed in your college pad or dorm room is dumber than volunteering for LaRouche, and riskier than joining the Boston Church of Christ. You may think that, growing pot is more fun than joining a cult, or that there's a strong argument that you have the constitutional right to bear farms, and to self-medicate with natural remedies. Wrong. it's hard work, and DIY bud is hardly a major money saver. So before you try to grow your own, read this — maybe you'll think twice.

Here, we break down the basics of how to nurture ganja in confined spaces, mostly with supplies that can be bought at any hardware store (or found in dumpsters, for that matter). The vast majority of stoners need not even try — it takes heaps of patience, consideration, and attention to detail. Even for ambitious students and horticultural enthusiast, growing weed is no walk in the park — especially when you get your monthly electric bill.