I would just love to get him on a rant about selfies and cowboys hats again just to bring up Beef and see what he had to say and how he would spin it that she is an angel and not an attention grubbing gold digger.

It would be nice but it will never happen. I have the secret phone number but I even I know the second the words "Brillo head" come out of my mouth, I would be hung up on.

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But you see, I think the trick is not to have 'Brillo Head' or even 'Equine Fucker' to slip out. I would set myself up as a Beth devotee and kitty wrangler, that I have such a crush on Beefus (oh G-d forbid) and that she has helped kickstart the Revolution. I'd then segue into how much I love staring at her lovely pictures and...what do you, Howard, think about the fact she posts so many pictures of herself? I thought she didn't want to be famous? And why the photoshopping? And onward. Not that I have spent any significant thought on this topic. How dare you