Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Wow!
I can't believe that it is almost 3 months since I last wrote an insightful, yet very witty, post on the Country Gypsies blog.

I know, the screams of excitement that I am back are almost deafening, and I will now try to ensure that the witty ramblings of this little Gypsy are once again a lot more regular!!!

Screams of excitement from adoring fans!!!!!!

SO, let me fill you in peeps on all that has been happening in the life of the Country Gypsies.

Um...well..where to start.... ok, I got nothing!!!

SO instead, I will bore review the year that was 2012, just in case you may have forgotten.

Of course we have moved house in 2012, as we appear to do most years. Unfortunately, 2012 saw us move twice, in a matter of 6 weeks, and yes I do pay my rent on time. However, not only did the first house sell, then the second one, which we LOVED LOVED LOVED was repossessed by the bank as the owners were in a spot of trouble!

Here I am moving another heavy box!!!!!

Did someone say "spot of trouble" Nathan Tinkler anyone????

Never mind, we got the trusty removalists Josh and Josh back and these boys did yet another brilliant job. However, let's just say the unpacking hasn't quite finished as who knows what the next knock on the door might be....

Unfortunately Charlie the Wonder Dog is completely confused and really has no idea where we live so on his daily escape from our back yard (that is no lie I tell you), one can find him at a number of different properties that the little country gypsy van has stayed in.

Of course, he has now found the lovely couple up the road who have another Golden Retriever so he is often found up there kicking back with a pina colada in one hand, smoking a cigar by the pool.

It's a Dog's Life

The Senior Sergeant is on his last days as the Head Honcho at primary school - well school captain anyway. Just seems like yesterday he strode into his first day in kinder in Sydney, loudly declaring that he had arrived and everyone should just continue on. Thank goodness he eventually got over the phase of not wearing any underwear to school (well I think he did!!!).

Horse girl is heading into those wondrous years of school - Year 9!!! Oh what a joy the new school year will bring with all those teenage girls who cannot decide from one minute to the next who they like/don't like/can't stand/ bff's etc etc etc. However, she is one tough cookie so I am sure she will get them sorted out faster than she can say - Why can't I have a horse?????

ANd for this little black duck, well the working days of 2012 have proved to be VERY VERY VERY interesting. I learnt a lot about how people should not be treated, I learnt a lot about how when you sign a contract it always seems that those with more money can just turn around and say "oh, well, it wasn't a real contract" and I also learn more about how people can just lie straight to another person's face without flinching. But hey, I know that I can lie straight in bed at night (well, when my back is having a good day that is) and that eventually, some day, maybe in a pink fit, those people will pay me what they owe me and honour that contract.

But I have also been teaching a lot and that has been fun. Nothing like suffering from a bout of tonsillitis (when you don't have your bloody tonsils!!!) and trying to teach and having kids tell you that you look worse than when Dad gets home from the pub after a night out (mmmm, hope he liked HIS report card) or the little girl who asks you if you ever actually brush your hair cause its always so 'all over the place' (well, did she ever look in the mirror!!!), or the boy who tells you how much he loves you (and can he have the one remaining chocolate Santa) or the little girl who gives you a Christmas card with your name spelt wrong, but she tells you how much she loves you and that you are her best friend!!!!!!

So, all in all, it has been one busy year. 2013 - who knows what to expect the next 12 months will bring us.

But hopefully, you will have a very Happy Christmas with few family arguments (unlike my own!) and that the New Year is filled with whatever you want it to be (personally, 12 months on a semi deserted island with just a select few is sounding pretty good right about now but......)

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Many of you will know (ok, two of you) about the Country Gypsy family's unfortunate happenings in trying to keep animals alive.

Let me say, We LOVE all animals (ok, I don't LOVE snakes and spiders) but the other types we love. Although I do also have to admit that I am a dog person, and not a cat person, but would never do anything to endanger the lives of them.

SO this story I am about to tell you did not in fact happen to us but rather to a friend of mine, who has given me permission to retell it.

And any cat lovers out there, I am just warning you that you may like to go away and look out for my next post!

The story goes...

One morning the lovely P was running a little late for work and was rushing the kids to climb in the car to get to school. Now P is a Mum of 5 (so she gets an award just for that) and she was taking the two youngest to school. Two of the older ones had already begun working life and the third was catching the bus to high school.

SO off the lovely P and her two gorgeous little ones went, driving through the lovely country lanes of the Southern Highlands.

Then, after a while, they could smell something.

The first choice was to blame the youngest family member, who swore black and blue that it was not indeed him and why did he always get picked on!

The smell continued to permeate through the car, but they drove on and got to work/school and on with their busy day.

On the way home that afternoon, the smell returned. This time, the lovely P suggested it may have been something some of the far4mers put on their crops, although she herself was not convinced of this.

As they got closer to home, the lovely P decided that it may indeed be some type of vermin that had ingeniously climbed in to the bonnet and perhaps and met their maker.

On arriving home, one of the elder children raced out to the car to tell P that her little kitten, Fluffy, was missing.

"Oh dear,' thought the lovely P (well actually she didn't really think that but I am trying not to repeat what she actually thought).

Not wanting to open the bonnet herself, and trying to shield the family members from what was undoubtedly going to be a horrific scene, she called on of her older sons and his mate to come out and open the bonnet.

Which they did.

To sounds of screaming and howling.

Yes, poor Fluffy had indeed climbed into the bonnet early that morning and life as he knew it had ended rather dramatically.

Now, this is a sad story and one which we hope does not happen again.

However, please read on.

So, amongst the tears from Fluffy's owner, and the female household members, to some rather outrageous comments from a couple of males in attendance, the decision was made there and then that Fluffy was worthy of a grand send off, even though her little life had been so short.

Preparations were made.

A hole was dug in the ground (by this time it was pelting with rain people so just try to use your imagination here).

A bouquet of flowers were picked as a sign of remembrance.

An appropriate box had to be located and a warm blanket to keep little Fluffy safe of his journey to who knows where.

But unfortunately, not just any box would do. Because poor Fluffy had obviously passed on with shock rather than any other type of injury and rigor mortis had already set in so just an ordinary box wouldn't suffice.

They needed one to fit ....

Yes, this was the actual position that the cat was in.

With a pair of scissors and some extra strength masking tape, they managed to gently lay little Fluffy to rest wrapped warmly in a blanket in a custom made box.

Now I know you think this is the end of the story but no.....

As little Fluffy was being laid to rest, the youngest member of the family, Master N, aged 6 at the time, proceeded to sing "oh Danny Boy".

Now the lovely P does not know why the gorgeous Master N decided to belt out the tune from the old homeland but let's just say there was some tears down a few faces that evening.

Sunday, 23 September 2012

I have finished at the last school with that gorgeous class and in 2 weeks at a new school and new class - don't get time to get bored!!!

My last few days were spent having lots of fun with the kids (well, we had fun pretty much the whole time, and they did learn too so don't have a go at me) and I also received the most amazing gifts. I only had them for 6 weeks so was truly spoilt by them.

But one of the most precious gifts I received was a beautiful hug and a big 'thank you' from one little angel. Yes, he came back to school for part of the last day, with no notable markings, although I cannot be sure of that.

And he went home with someone who he is not afraid of so I know he was safe for at least one night.

So, I know we all have 'problems' and 'issues' and no doubt I will probably upset a few people with my next few words but honestly, get over yourselves!

So, you feel stressed at work - be grateful you have a job and can earn money.

Unemployed - get out there and find something - there is work out there!

Tired - go to bed or go for a walk.

Selling your house - be frigging grateful you have one to sell.

Want more money - either rob a bank (no, just kidding) or perhaps look at what you have and be grateful or make an effort to earn more and be thankful that you can.

Have to pay child support - they are your frigging kids too!!!!!!

Pissed off at the world/work/ex partner - gee, poor you, get over it.

Because I know of one little angel who may not have a chance to be any of the above.

He does not know whether he will be fed, or hit and bashed, or whether he will have any one to talk to.
He does not know about feeling safe.

He does not know what it is to feel really and truly loved by the people who should do that.

SO I am sorry if I have upset you by comments I have made above. But hey, you are reading this so you are lucky that you can read. You own/rent or use a computer at work so you aren't doing too bad.

ANd maybe, just maybe, your life isn't so bad.

Lisa

p.s. ANd if you are over the serious stuff, why not click on this link for a post from earlier in the year just to remind you that we are all a bit different, in our own unique way....some more than others!!!!

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

I am not sure if this post will actually be published tonite - I guess if you are reading it then I decided yes.
And even if I do publish it, I may not leave it on the blog for long - I'll see how I go.

Hopefully, when you read further you will begin to understand where I am at with this. I am not going to identify anyone with this post but rather keep it very open.

Today, I had yet another new experience. Not one that I ever want to repeat again, but I will if I ever find out similar information.

I had to sit in as a 'protector' or a 'trusted adult' on an interview with a child with Department of Community Services. I am also not going to get into any political debate about any of this. I feel honoured that this small person, who I have only known for a short time, felt that he could trust me enough yet other adults around him are so hideous.

I guess that this is my blog, and my space to vent, or let go of some things. Normally I relate some of the pathetic pieces of my life, and I know that I will return to this for my next blog post, as I have more to tell.

But tonite, I am doing this for a young person who knows far too much about the horrors that adults can bestow on others, and more importantly children. ANd I guess for all those who have suffered, at the hands of supposed loved ones.

This young person held it together whilst describing incidents that they go through on a daily basis.

From someone they should be able to trust.

And they are frightened. SO frightened. They are frightened the minute they walk in the door at the end of the day when they should feel at their safest.

They are frightened to talk.

They are frightened to look the 'wrong way'.

They are too frightened to do anything other than move quickly and quietly to their bedroom and hope that today has been a good day for others.

They already know about what can do physical damage and how to hide it.

They already know how that it doesn't matter most of the time about what they say or do, they will suffer some type of physical abuse. Be it hands, wooden spoons, or pots and pans.

Hitting them.

In places where others cannot always see the bumps and bruises.

Not to mention the horrific emotional abuse.

AT such a young age, they know that it is wrong but they have a weariness about them that at the age of 7, their is nothing they can do to fight back.

I'm sorry but I am typing this with tears streaming down my face. I have had tears since I came out of this meeting. WHen this young person was so brave but looking at me with their beautiful eyes, and trusting me to be there with them and yet I was the one who broke down when he left the room.

ANd I am the one who came home (and cuddled my children ever so tightly) and have cried most of the evening just thinking about this little one. I just hope he is safe tonight.

I don't even know how to end this. I cannot put into words how I feel about the so called adults subjecting this little one to this violence. This little one should be having fun, kicking a footy at the local park, playing with his mates, and trying to sneak lollies off my desk.

Instead every morning he comes and shows me an empty lunch box because he trusts me to fill it up for him. WIth his innocent little face and his scared eyes.

And I just hope that he is there tomorrow, so we can do it again.

And I hope he is ok tonite. WIth all my heart. Like I haven't hoped for anything in a long time.

ANd if you can find a way to explain this to me, good luck. Because I think it is about frigging time a number of adults got over themselves and woke up. Because maybe, just maybe, you might do something good for someone one day, instead of being a complete piece of shit!

Thursday, 6 September 2012

OK so tonight I have a few options on what to write about ( or rant on about!)

The 'perfection' that some people crave in others, yet are so far from it themselves......

The absolutely wet your pants funny cat story a friend told me yesterday (apologies to all cat lovers but if you know me you know I am not fond of them pussy's and this story will appear soon)....

You will need to keep this image in mind for that blog post

My day in court tomorrow (yes, I have paid most the speeding fines).....

No, there is something that is so much more important to write about and I have no doubt that my blog post will appear on the front pages of all the national broadsheets tomorrow and that I will be beamed throughout the satellite via CNN with an exclusive report.

It is about THE BIG POO.......TATO.

Yes, that's right. You read it here first (or second or fifth or whatever).

The Robbo landmark that has caused incredible scenes with cars stopping, brides getting their pictures taken in front of, behind or on top of, that incredible piece of architectural history in The SOuthern Highlands...The Big Potato...is to be sold off!

I knoooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! What the freaking hell is this country coming to when such incredible historical, cultural and just plain damn amazing landmarks are to be sold off because council charges too much for the land rates and now the owner of the and has decided that he cannot look at that great big piece of ........ cultural significance no longer as his bank balance dwindles whilst propping up the local council.

It is just WRONG I tell you.

The Big Potato is on the way out it seems. Just like the Big Prawn, the Big Pavlova and the Big (stuffed if I know but feel free to insert your own incredible Australian cultural icon), the Big Potato is to be peeled, scrubbed, and laid to rest (perhaps in some aluminum foil and popped on the barbie then with some sour cream and chiiivvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss - well, we do live in BOWWWWWRRRRRRAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL).

It will be a sad day not only for Robbo, The Southern Highlands, but indeed Australia when this national treasure is finally laid to rest (or mashed) once and for all.

And in the week we farewelled another Robbo icon from his illustrious sporting careers, Nathan Hindmarsh, it appears we will now be farewelling the Big Spud!!!

Rest in peace you big lump of shit. You gave it all you had.

ANd for those of you who may have had a visit to the Big Spud on your bucket list, here, take this with you as a lasting memory.....

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Being back in the classroom teaching this last little while has made me think (I know, it appears, according to some people, that I obviously had not been doing that previously!!!).

But, I am going to be a lot more specific here than just thinking. It is about COMMON FRIGGING DECENCY. I am currently teaching the most gorgeous group of 7 and 8 year olds and am half way through a block of teaching weeks with them. They are quite incredible kids and we ahve had a fabulous time together. I have even received compliments from both the kids and some parents which has been very nice and pleasing to a slightly shattered ego.

I am very lucky with this group of kids as I have no real behaviour issues with them, and we do tend to laugh a lot during the day. There are other issues with some of the kids, but their smiles and giggles and laughter and funny comments means I know that despite what may be going on outside school, they are just gorgeous kids, and who all have exemplary manners.

I do have a bit of an issue with manners and have taught my own kids to ensure they use them.

However, the past few hours/days/weeks and months, I have been ever so pissed off at the lack of manners and just general respect for each other as human beings.

Of course, I am way too polite to name names here (but oh boy do I want to!!!).

But I will try and keep the list short.

Case 1 - a parent who came to school the other day to pick their child up early (so they could get to the pub early, I believe) who told me that she had 'SO much f#%6ing trouble finding my class' (yes, in front of the class, and we were in the playground) and that her time had been wasted and what was I going to do about it.
My reply - well, it seems you are now not only wasting my time but also the air I am trying to breathe so if you cannot be polite I suggest you go away, ever so quickly!!! Yes, these were my words!!! No one has the right to talk to another like that - and I am not going to let children see adults talk to another adult in such a demeaning way. EVen one of my gorgeous boys suggested to me that "she was a bloody nutter" (and yes, we have now had the swearing talk).

Case 2- to the people who almost ran me down today, even though they knew me (oh, sorry, blonde moment, obviously when they realized it was me they wanted to frigging run me down!). And yes, this was someone who I had been associated with professionally at one time and who I had listened to whinge and whine and carry on and gone out of my way to help out.

Yep, great to see adults who show a complete sense of gutlessness when 'push comes to shove'

Case 3- Return a frigging message - Please DO NOT TELL ME YOU ARE BUSY - so is the rest of the freaking world!!! I understand busy! Believe me I do! But in this world of technology, phones, computers, internets, cars, transport, pens, paper, homing pigeons, if I leave a message, and ask for it t be returned, I AM NOT FREAKING JOKING!!!!!!!!

Oh yes, it is so important these days for everyone to be busy - I hear it day in and day out and that's fine. We are all busy. Yes, I am busy. I work full time (well at the moment anyway), I deal with 23 gorgeous kids every day and come home to my own two gorgeous kids of a night, after football/netball/basketball/oz tag/weddings/parties/anything.

Yes, I then cook dinner, clean up, look after the dog, do the housework, worry about the world, my kids and some kids in my class, my family, my friends. I search every night for a permanent job as I have always worked and never asked, nor will ever in the future, for a hand out.

I also try to do some of my own business stuff, which is sadly lacking at the moment. I am also either packing or unpacking or repacking or unpacking the repacking of boxes.

I also try to get out and do some exercise for my health and to also try and get this bloody back condition sorted once and for all.

And..
and...
and......

No, this is not a sob story. Everyone is busy.

But if I leave a message, BLOODY WELL RETURN IT!!!!!!

So there you have it. I have seven year olds with much better manners than some 27/37/47/57 year olds I know. And no, it is not you! I am sure! They know who they are, and somehow, I don't think they are reading this.

SO, tonight's blog post is brought to you by

GROW SOME FRIGGING MANNERS AND STOP ACCUSING KIDS OF NOT HAVING ANY.

Tomorrow, I hope to resume to my normal broadcast.

That is.....

UNLESS I AM TOO FRIGGING BUSY

Cheers

Lisa xox

p.s. SORRY ABOUT THE OVERUSE OF CAPITALS TODAY - SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST NEEDED

p.p.s. ANd maybe, just give someone a compliment tomorrow. Doesn't have to be over the top, but you never know, it might just really make their day. PLEASE

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Just when you thought it was safe to get back on the computer,
I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Yes, well, we have been a tad busy here in the Country Gypsies Van over the past few weeks.
Oh, what exciting adventures have you been up to lately?.... I hear you ask...I HEAR YOU ASK!!!!

Well, there hasn't been any overseas holidays to incredible destinations, or even dull ones for that matter (mind you, any frigging destination I would gladly take at the moment)

No, I haven't been appointed to Chair the Brazil Olympics in 2016 (although of course there is still time for that and considering some jobs I have done, that one should be a no brainer!)

And no, I wasn't one of the naked girls in the hotel room with Prince Harry (because that would just be wrong - I am so much more mature than that!!!!!!!)

No, there is absolutely no way you would guess what this little tribe has been up to ........

WE MOVED.......AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, it seems like only yesterday that I blogged about our latest move, in fact, I think it actually was yesterday.

But, when the Sheriff comes a knockin' at your door (and no Mr Anonymous commenter - it wasn't because of my unpaid bills, this time!) but the owner of our house appears to not have paid any body he owes money to anything.

This includes the bank who holds his mortgage, ATO, GIO, NRMA, POQ (no idea if there is a company with that - was just on a roll) and so the Sheriff....

Meet Sheriff Harry Highpants!!!!

tells you you have to move out, in a couple of weeks, and he doesn't give a willy wonka that you have ONLY JUST FRIGGING MOVED IN!!!!!

Of course, this came just three days after I received THAT knock on the door from THAT place I used to work for who STILL owe me money.

And, it was my 30th35th 36th ok, my 37th birthday (Mr Anonymous, once again, no need for you to comment on that either).

SO after a little cry, and a shitload of wine, the packing started, once again.

No, we hadn't finished unpacking from the move a week earlier but we still had to pack somethings. Of course, having moved once or twice (or three hundred and sixty five times) previously I am rather a dab hand at packing. Tissue paper to wrap precious momentoes? No way. Bubble wrap????? No sirreee.

Just chuck 'em all in and whatever doesn't break, well that's a winner I say.

So we are now in our new place (or should I say, newest place). Of course, the whole plan for the rural lifestyle is slightly shot as we are smack bang in the middle of suburban BOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
but beggars can't be choosers (or renters can't be picky).

Anyway, we are in thanks to the wonderful Michelle, Juliet and Georgia, Katie, Ellie and Molly, Maree, Nana and Pa, Horse Girl and the Senior Sergeant and Nigel who moved stuff so bloody fast I couldn't keep up with him. And yes, my own personal Professional Removalists, the wonderful Josh and Josh who I have decided to just keep on the payroll as no doubt we will need them again!!!!

SO there you have it my friends. Just when you thought I had returned to my normal quiet, shy, retiring and introverted self (once again, please keep nasty comments to yourself).......

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn I still look good moving house. And that box is sooooooo heavy!

Cheers

Lisa xox

p.s. Oh, and in late breaking news, had two police knock on my door last night. Looking for Timothy!!!
Fair dinkum, if this is a crime house, I better bloody get my friggin share (just kidding Mum!!)

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Although I did not make the Olympic team this year (as opposed to all those other years) I have decided to push on for a new Olympic Sport - moving house.

Packing, once again, has me thinking!!!

Surely there could be an Olympic Sport in which we could have people having to pack boxes and crap, move house, and unpack in record time.

And I reckon I would stand a pretty good chance at Olympic Gold.

Of course, there may be some hidden Chinese competitor, or some one from France that no one had thought about, but I think that sporting bet would give me fairly good odds at winning.

Or perhaps a team event....

Am very keen on this way of moving...any volunteers????

Yes, there has been no miracle, and no, I have not won lotto, so we are on the move AGAIN!!!!!

Life sucks sometimes!!!

And it is at the moment!!!

Of course, we still live by the motto ONWARDS and UPWARDS but sometimes the motto behaves a bit like good old James Magnussen relay swim (just kidding James - give it all you've got mate!) and just dissipates into thin air!!!

So I am in the process of packing again. Although, lucky for me (remember, glass half full) I hadn't unpacked EVERY box so at least I have a slight head start (and in my Olympics, I am allowed one!!).

Of course, nothing would run smoothly as we don't yet have somewhere to go. Mmm slight problem that.

I had put an application in on a place around the corner from where we currently are but decided that the owners were asking for about $3 million more per week than it was worth!

Ah, but no. They have decided they would prefer their property to sit there vacant without any one in it and ask a ridiculous price rather than expect my offer which was slightly under the $3m mark.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

My regular readers (yes, all two of you) will know that we recently moved house.

For the 813th time.

Being renters, it appears that once we live in a property for the lease period the owner then decides to sell the property.

We obviously look after the place too well.

This has happened to us for the last 6 properties.

But, now, I have another new experience. It appears the landlord/owner of the property we moved in to 6 weeks ago, THAT'S RIGHT, SIX WEEKS AGO, has not being paying the bank what they owe them so the house is being repossessed.

In less than a month.

SO guess what??? Yep, we are on the move again.

I am not too sure how to face this one as this last move completely wiped me out. Must be getting older but I haven't got over this last move yet and we are at it again.

So, we still have a few boxes in the garage that are not unpacked, and they WILL be staying that way.
And now, guess what I am off to do....yep, pack some more frigging boxes.

Not that we have somewhere to go to yet. The real estate agent have advised me to keep looking at their website because they feel 'sure something will come up'. Yes, thanks Captain Obvious, something no doubt will come up but whether it suits us, is affordable, and the owner is not going to sell it nor have it repossessed, I shall wait to see.

So there you have it. If anyone else wants to throw something at us, now would probably be a good time.

Oh, and if you know of an unwanted house, let me know. I may know someone who is interested.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Yesterday I had a new experience. Yep, at 46 36 years of age (cough cough) I experienced something for the first time.

However, I really wished I hadn't. With. all. my. heart.

I went with a wonderful friend while she had her first chemotherapy treatment.

This friend only found out very very recently of this ghastly disease in her body.

This friend who has been listening to me whine about no job, possibly having to move again (yes, that will be in the next post), the endless visits to medical practitioners trying to find out when Horse Girl will ever get off her crutches, and some ranting about certain people/places who should know better.

And then, when I came up for air, she told me what she had been doing the past couple of days.

I have sworn a lot - and questioned the universe a lot too.

But, it is about staying positive. I am there for whatever and whenever she needs, for her and her family. I have searched and searched for the magic wand because all I want to do is make it better. And go away.

And never come back. Ever. To anyone.

At least we still can use our warped sense of humour. I have been cooking some meals to give her a break, but in the last batch I did have to say - Well if this frigging cancer doesn't kill you, my cooking probably will.

Don't judge me for that. That is how we are together. We have to make light of things around us.

And it is up to me to stay positive and send her positive thoughts every minute of every day.

I saw an ad on TV last night for Daffodil day. It's on August 24. There are not many people in this world who have not been touched themselves or someone they know by this hideous disease.

So if you can, buy a daffodil. And send positive thoughts to those who are suffering, and to those who are searching for the cure. And to the families who have been left behind.

And for the carers and medical staff. The nurses in this place yesterday were literally angels.

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Ok, I admit it.
I tuned into The Shire last night!
Horse Girl, Senior Sergeant and I sat transfixed to this terrible waste of 1/2 an hour that we can never get back in our lives.
We laughed. We were amazed. We tried to pull our lips over our heads to see who had the most botox.

It really was terrible.

We read, and posted, comments on facebook.

And then I felt mean. Who am I to judge these people?
Maybe if my show was reality television, people would laugh at me (or find my life pathetic - either/ or).

I started to think whether or not their had been some serious editing done to make two of those cast members look so bloody ridiculous it actually became not funny.

And how do those two feel today?

Are they oblivious to the way they were portrayed, or maybe then even liked it?
Or maybe, just maybe, they felt as though they were portrayed unkindly. and unjustly.

I don't know and frankly, don't plan to give too much time nor energy on thinking about it.

But today, I read of a little boy who at only 5 years of age passed away last night after suffering a terrible illness which was diagnosed only THREE months ago.

THREE months ago he was enjoying his first year at school, playing with his brother and keeping his Mum and Dad entertained.

And now, he has gone.

Today, his parents, brother, extended family, friends and school mates would be wondering what on earth has happened. Why is life so cruel? This little boy who only experienced a tiny amount of life, who should be talking incessantly to his school mates, who should be running around outside on this sunny day and kicking a footy, or going to dance class, or just doing whatever he damned well wanted to.

I don't know this little boy, it was only through the power of social media I came by his story. But I am so sad for him and his family.

And that, my friends, is REALITY.

RIP Little Talin - you are an angel now and have a job to watch over your Mummy and Daddy and your little brother. I hope all your pain and suffering has gone now.

Friday, 13 July 2012

I have written in previous posts about Charlie The Wonder Dog, our golden retriever.

Of course, I was never allowed a dog when I was younger because of my two brothers. No real explanation - I just blame them.

So Charlie is a wonderful addition to our little household, we have now had him for 6 years (I think) and he is larger than life.

But unfortunately, he ain't no guard dog.

He is a Retriever though, as he has come home with many different items when he has escaped the yard. Awkward moment was when we lived in one place and I didn't know he was getting out when I was at work and kids were at school, other than the fact that on arriving home there was always a shoe awaiting me at the front door.,

No, not mine nor Horse Girl's nor the Senior Sergeant's!! The neighbours. Who had just moved in. And kept ALL their shoes outside as they had new carpet and didn't want to dirty it.

Of course, there was also the issue with Lucky the Chook, who did survive a Charlie cuddle. And the dead mouse (well, that wasn't a family pet at least).

But since we have moved into the latest house, I have had two lots of unwanted visitors come knocking at the door. Well, one lot were very unwanted, but the second one was looking for previous tenants.

So what does the WOnder Dog do I hear you ask???? He just welcomes them, guides them up the path and then licks them waiting for a pat.

Meanwhile, he can bark in the middle of the night if an ant crosses his path until I get up and scare the big scary ant away (or I threaten him that if he doesn't shut up I will.....um......I will...get really cross).

SO Charlie, please can you try and act a bit scary when unwanted people arrive - even a bark or two would be good. I know you just LOVE everybody and LOVE it when they pat you, but NOT EVERYONE IS NICE!!!!!

Don't be deceived, he hides when he is in the car!!!!
I have to put my head out the window and bark just to save face in dog world!!!!!

Thursday, 12 July 2012

The two regular readers of my blog will know that late last year I had a full leg wax for the first time in over 10 years. No, I have not being growing them in that time as I like smoooothhhhhhhh legs but after a terrible episode I steered clear of it until taking the plunge late last year before the inaugural camping trip.

No, i haven't been back for the legs again because let's face it it's the middle of winter, we live in The Highlands and with electricity bills these days, any type of body covering has to be a good thing.

However, I do like to keep my eyebrows tidy (well, a girl has to have SOME standards!!!).

So today I toddled off to the beautician to have those caterpillars on my face attended to.

Of course, walking into the beautician I managed to trip over the front step and instead of graciously arriving in to the calm peaceful serene tranquillity of the beautician, I managed to let out a stream of expletives and ask if 'Just for once today something could go F$%#@^@^G right (today has been a bit of a challenge in more ways than one but let's ;eave that for yet another post - needless to say it will hopefully make entertaining reading at some stage but it is too close at the moment!!!)

Standing ever so gracefully and waiting my arrival (well, I like to think so) were two serene, calm, peaceful beauticians who then proceeded to ask me how my day was.

"Well, unless you have three bottles of wine (and I ain't sharing) and a good couch for me to lay on and about 35 boxes of Kleenex, you probably shouldn't ask that question!" was my reply.

After they scurried away to no doubt call security about the strange and weird looking mad woman at the front, who had also just caught in a torrential downpour without adequate items to prevent looking like a drowned rat, I then sat on their beautiful and serene couch to try and take it all in.

Of course, after 10 seconds I had proceeded to nod off only to be called by the lovely Ms B to follow her through to the room of terror where the procedure would occur.

Now, I have absolutely no issue with having my eyebrows waxed - I could have lain their for days and not moved an inch whilst she worked her magic.

Of course, her lovely serene voice then asked again how my day was to which I ever so quickly replied that best we don't discuss that but more importantly how was her day. Her ever so interesting reply was that she got caught in the rain without her umbrella so she was slightly water damaged (where I do not know ) and that she hoped the rain stopped as her brother was going skiing.

Not wanting to 'dampen' the situation (ha ha ha) I asked of she did indeed know what snow was made of and unless he was the James Magnussen of the ski slopes (get with it, the Olympics are coming up - you need to know that name) that it was highly likely he may get a little wet anyway.

This obviously stumped her as there was no more conversation but just hot wax all over my eyebrows.

As I was laying there wondering if I would win lotto next week, she then proceeded to put more hot wax on my eyebrow area. Now, my eyebrows are not overly large, and not particularly hairy as I do keep a pair of tweezers in my car for plucking whilst waiting at traffic lights when the sun shines so perfectly on those little stray hairs so I did start to become a little concerned.

Next thing I know, she has stripped that god damn wax off my eyebrows as well as half my forehead. Now, I did look in the mirror this morning and did not notice that I had started to grow hairs on my forehead so unless something strange happened today I was a little concerned.

I did ever so politely question as to WTF she was doing when her ever so gentle and serene reply came back to say that she had dripped some wax and this was the easiest way to get it off.

SO I now not only have perfectly groomed eyebrows, I appear to have a hairless forehead which I did anyway) but I am a little concerned now their may be some regrowth and my next visit will be booking in for an eyebrow and FOREHEAD WAX!!!!!!!!!

Wax on, Wax Off!!!!!!

Cheers

Lisa xox

p.s. Oh, I was going to post some pictures of my beautifully groomed eyebrows but my forehead just kept getting in the way

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Now, I know that to be a medical doctor you need to go to uni for like a gazillion years and work 36 hours in every 24 hours and suffer incredible injustices and have no life.

After that, you can go and get a job being a Doctor, and I admit I don't know if it is that hard to get a job but I know many country towns are screaming out for them and offering them all sorts of weird and wonderful things, like all first born children from all local families, to get Doctors to work. And I think they are paid reasonably well???

I am not sure what the "Big Smoke' is like but considering it seems everyone has to wait a long time to see a Doctor I can only imagine it is the same.

Some of you may know that I injured my back a couple of months ago but this isn't about me.

This is about poor old Horse Girl. Over 7 weeks ago she fell over on a training run at school whislt doing netball training. A teacher got some ice for her to put on her ankle, and then let her sit on the cold hard ground until I turned up about 3/4 hour later to pick her up (No, I am not a bad mother, I arrived at the correct time becasue NO ONE thought to contact me to see if I could get her earlier).

It didn't appear to be TOO bad and she somehow managed to play a few minutes of basketball that night although that was probably not the best idea.

However, we have now been to see 4 different doctors, had an x ray, an ultrasound and a ct scan and what can they tell me?

Nothing. First, they thought she had a twisted ankle. Then it was sprained. Then tendonitis. After that, ligament damage. Next, some other bizarre thing that I have never heard of. Oh, and then the latest was a talar dome fracture (just google it - I did!).

And now, oh, maybe it is just a bit stiff. A BIT STIFF?????????? This is SEVEN WEEKS later Dr Doolittle, not seven hours!!!!!

Oh, look, just go back to the phsio and see if she can get a bit 'agressive' with it and then see what happens. If she is still having troubl, come back and see me!

STILL HAVING TROUBLE???? Oh, I don't know, I guess the fact she cannot put ANY FRIGGING WEIGHT on it may mean she is still having a bit of trouble - DON'T YOU??????????

Anyway, finally we have decided anough is enough. We are now going over and above everyone and have organised to see a 'specialist' in Sydney. This guy has been recommended by a friend who's daughter had a similar situation and yes, there was an issue, he solved it, and she is now fine and dandy.

So, Dr W, no pressure or anything mate but when we see you in a couple of weeks after your skiing sojourn, you better have the answers!

Or else I may just.....................fall down in a screaming heap!!!!

Moral of the story - NEVER GIVE UP or just don't listen to you Dr if you are not happy - one of the two anyway.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Yesterday's pinnacle of News coverage in Australia, The Southern Highland News, proclaimed that there is a "Big Foot" loose in the Southern Highlands.

Apparently there have been sightings as far and wide as Canyonleigh, Moss Vale, Mittagong and Bowral and I think even down to Goulburn.

Excitement abounds at this exciting news, we haven't had so much excitement here since 'RIvers' announced a sale on puffer vests.

Apparently, an 'expert' is traipsing around these hills looking for Big Foot. Mmmm, I wondered!
How exactly do you know where to look for such a creature and how do you know it is the true blue dinky di 'Big Foot' and not just some feral who's out for a big night?

Because, if this is what we are supposed to be looking for.....

Oh sorry, look at the one on the left, the one on the right is Madonna - easy to confuse.

I can guarantee you I have seen more than one of these on the darkened streets of Mossy after the pub closes (no offence Mossy but I could not find a pic of a puffer vest wearing Big Foot in Bowral).
And considering I just searched Wikipedia and found this definition..."Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedalhumanoid" I know that I have some them roaming the streets.

So, do you set a trap to catch Big Foot I wonder? And how do you know what tasty tempting treat will entice them to come into the trap so that there will be mad celebrations that the Southern Highlands does indeed have its own bipedal humanoid? Banana and Pecan muffins? A chai banana smoothie? A big bottle of Jack Daniels?

I am not sure but I have a feeling that if someone does succeed in capturing Big Foot, it may look something like this in it mug shot!

Keep searching Highlanders - there's bound to be a reward!!!!

Have you seen Big Foot (and I am not talking about the Thorpedo here) and what would you do to entice him out of his hiding place???

Thursday, 14 June 2012

SO yesterday I wrote about our gorgeous new house and yard!
Loving it!

Except for this....

and this

and this...

And NO IT WAS NOT ME

I get home to find two cars at the entrance to our place. You have to drive down a driveway till you get to our gate then after tying Charlie the wonder dog up, open the gate and drive through the drive to round the back of the house.

So, I get home and start to drive down the driveway.

Hmmm, why is there a white ute in my driveway and the gate and why in god's name is there a massive big Range Rover BOGGED in the grass beside my driveway????

I get out of the car and ask the obvious - 'What the #!^!$@#& are you doing?"

Reply from the Toorak Tractor driver - "I'm bogged"

No shit sherlock!!!!! "What are you dong here?" I question again

"Oh, I was expecting a parcel."

Now I know I wrote about my man cave off my bedroom but I certainly don't remember one actually being in there and certainly not this doofus.

"Sorry, um, you don't live here" I tell him.

"I used to" comes the reply.

"Well mate, you haven't lived here for at least a month and you don't have the right to firstly come into my place and snoop around looking for a 'parcel' and then to be too f*****g lazy to back up the driveway instead you stupidly drove your overpriced car on to the grass area which is FLOODED and then got stuck so you revved the shit out of the car and now have sunk your fancy schmancy wheels in about 2 metres into the grass at my gate!"

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Yes, I know I have been very slack, well blog wise anyway, but it has been a busy few weeks.

We have moved house yet again and although still have all our crap belongings all over the place, it feels like home.

We have gone from a tiny little cottage to a four bedroom house with a double garage and a massive lawn area. The Senior Sergeant and I are excited as we have a ride on mower to use - once we work out how to make it go. We did manage to turn it on the other day but I can't work out how to make it move so we just sat on it in the garage, pretending to make it go.

Oh, and here's a tip. If you decide to start up your ride on mower that hasn't been used for a few weeks and there is a wee bit of exhaust fumes spluttering about, make sure you have the garage doors open. I know, you would never have thought of that on your own would you! My pleasure!

So a few things are unpacked, a few more were thrown out, and I even forgot to pack some things from a cupboard so they were moved whilst still in the cupboard, with no breakages. So I guess now I don't have to worry about carefully wrapping items and boxing them up.

It did help that we had the best removalists in the world, and I know a good one from a shocker, believe me. We have used these guys before, but they usually just do the really big items for me as I normally do the rest myself with a trailer, ute, horse float whatever!!

But with my recent back injury, I couldn't do much so these guys did lots more for me this time. And for anyone in the Southern Highlands, can I recommend Moss Vale Removals and Josh and Josh to do your moving (this is not a paid advertisement - although I am more than happy to receive payment) but I just want everyone to use them as they are so good (and I think they should give me a frequent user card so my next move is free!). Nothing is ever too much trouble for them, they pull apart and rebuild beds for me, connect up the washing machine, fix the basketball hoop, so many other things! They really are the best.

I just wish they waited a few extra days to bank my cheque but am sure the bank won't be too concerned about my slight overdrawn status at this stage (well, I haven't given them my new address yet so ha ha - one for me!!!!).

Even Charlie the dog is happy. He was so excited the other day when he got to run around he didn't know which way to go. Brings a tear to your eye to see the little fella running around madly with so many dog friends over the fence to chat too!

The house is actually probably a bit too big for us but as renters sometimes the perfect house never appears. We have four bedrooms but have turned one into a study which makes a huge difference as when I work from home, I don't have to set up the office on one side of the loungeroom. We even have two living areas which is great - one with the Vinnies brgain of the century lounge - I'll tell you about that soon.

But, wait there's more. The main bedroom is massive with a big ensuite and walk in wardrobe. There is also my very own private courtyard off the bedroom , although a bit chilly to be out there at the moment, and not too sure what I would do there anyway.

However, the icing on the cake?????? There is an extra little room off my bedroom which Horse Girl and Senior Sergeant have named "The Man Cave". Now, I have searched and searched in that room, but have not discovered any men in there yet, but will keep you updated if one or a few happen to appear.

So,yes, as I said we have spread out all our stuff over different rooms and cupboards and wardrobes and garages and wonder how on earth we fitted everything in the last place.

But, somehow we did. And fingers crossed, we stay here for a good while!

Thursday, 24 May 2012

You read it here first (well, actually, I have no idea where else you would read it)

We are on the move ...again. As perennial renters, unfortunately we are subjected to the whims of house owners who seem to decide that once this little threesome have lived in there house, it is looked after so bloody well that they decide to put it on the market and sell.

And no, I can't afford to buy any of them.

So, the merry go round that we call renting continues and we are in the process if culling and chucking and packing once again.

Although this time we don't seem to have as many tears about it. We have lived in our current abode for 12 months - which seems to be the length of stay we only ever seem to do! But the move to this place was a bit of a trial as we made the move into 'town'.

As part of our Country Gypsy experience when we left the Big Smoke, we decided we really wanted to experience country living (well, most of it anyway), so most of the places we lived in had a bit of space around them and we were out of town. But the last move so us moving into a little cottage pretty much smack bang in the middle of town.

And only three doors down from the local hospital, which, with our current track record, can be quite handy but let's face it, those pesky ambulances are noisy with their blaring sirens!

Besides the fact that it is a little little cottage where the back yard is the size of a postage stamp - literally. This is great when we have to mow as it only takes us about 2 1/2 minutes to do it but we are all feeling a little 'enclosed'!!!

And poor old Horse Girl lost the bet and got the smallest room and when you are a teenage girl, you like to spend time in your room but if she sneezed she managed to bag her head on the door even though she was at the other end of the room.

So when that annual phone call from the real estate agent came, we managed to find a property which suited us in almost record time.

So, we are on the move. Soon, we will be on the very edge of town, in a house with plenty of room (in fact I think this house we are currently in could fit on our new lounge room), a spare room, a little Mum cave off the main bedroom (oh, so many options for this) and enough outside room to have an outdoor concert and the Melbourne Cup on at the same time.

I'll post some pics when we are in!

Meanwhile, back to packing...hi ho, hi ho, it's off to packing I go......

Sunday, 20 May 2012

I know I know
Can you believe it?
This is actually my 100th piece of inane, insane, and completely ridiculous ranting about our life and other important things

I can't actually believe this is Number 100. I did think about taking a leisurely stroll down memory lane and reading them all again, but hey, I just didn't! Maybe one day.

I did actually try to put some thought into what witty, insightful, and just plain interesting topics I would write about in this milestone piece of writing.

And then I had another drink! Actually, no, that's not quite true. I actually have not had a drink for some time now, not because O am doing dry July, or Feb fast, or sober October, or who gives a...January!

I injured my back and am still trying to recover. Oh, don't worry (as if you were) it is SLOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLYYYYYY getting better. Nowhere near as fast as I had hoped or thought it would and at times it still hurts like hell. And considering the foreign substances I have put in my body over these past few weeks under the guise of helpful pain killers, I am actually thinking I may end up as a preserved cat instead of a human being! So, am juts staying away from a wee dram for the moment.

Life has been interesting in more ways than one. Not only have I never, ever, in my life dropped so many things on the floor since I have been unable to bend down but I have learnt some interesting things about human nature.

See, I actually thought that at the ripe old age of 35, 38, 40, 42 ok well anyway, I thought that I pretty much understood how human beings work.

Ah, I just had a light bulb moment (please insert dinging sound effect). Perhaps some of those I have had to deal with of late are not actually human beings???? Just a thought.

See, I am still of the belief that human beings are all nice, and want the best for others. I know, I know, that is not always the case and no doubt I have ruffled a few feathers in my time. But, I have been involved in yet another learning process these past few weeks. Not only has my medical knowledge expanded somewhat, but I have also been dealing with people who have now shown their true colours.

Of course, no names, no pack drill, but suffice to say that I have been amazed. Just when you think you may know someone, their true colours come bursting out and my faith is human nature starts to waver.

However, even though I expect this behaviour to continue, I believe that I now know where some of this comes from. Their complete and utter insecurity!

So, although I know that tomorrow may not always be a bed of roses (mmm, no one said anything about the prickly thorns) I know what is fundamentally right from wrong and I also know how to treat another human being.

This lesson in life is one that I have also been discussing a lot with Horse Girl and the Senior Sergeant. I do not want them to grow up thinking that people are mean, inconsiderate, and sometimes just complete and utter $#$@$%@&^^%'s!

But, I want them to realise that they should not allow others to push them around, both figuratively and physically, but also about
standing up for what is right and true.

That NO person has the right to mistreat others and to ALWAYS fight for what is true and DO NOT let others stand over you. And especially so called 'professionals'!!!!

Oh, and to then walk away and have a good old laugh at these dickheads as well!!!

And, I'll be back again soon with Post Number 101! Guess what? We are moving again!!!!

Thursday, 10 May 2012

But, I was interested to read the news the other day that the Catholic Church has advised women, particularly in the 25-34 age bracket (oh damn, I just miss out) to not wait too long to marry. For no other reason than they might run out of options.

Interestingly there were some very important statistics that were attached with the story.
In relation to this particular age group, once you take out those who are already married, in de facto relationships, gay, too interested in going to the pub with their mates, earning less than $60 000 and complete and utter nutters, there is basically five eligible men left.

So, it seems that all those eligible women now not only have to fight over the five eligible men left but it doesn't matter if they like them or not, let's not even suggest love, they should just hook up and marry them.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Well, I am back here - 'back' being the operative word. Unfortunately the back trouble was something a bit more serious than I thought so still not up and about as normal yet.

But today, ANZAC DAY, I thought - get over yourself Lisa! I swallowed a couple of strong painkillers and off we went to the Moss Vale ANZAC DAY march.

Senior Sergeant, being School Captain, was walking in the march with school and laying the wreath with his gorgeous co captain, Miss Z.

Horse Girl was delighted as there were some light horse reenactment horses and soldiers, then she had to help me walk up the street! Lucky for me, she did it without complaining!

The march started with the horses and one of the bands then a few of the old diggers. Not sure of their ages, but they were a fair age I'm sure. They looked out of their cars and smiled and waved at us.

So, this set me off. I did warn Horse girl that this may happened, but the tears started. I could not help it. These men, and then some women who followed, have seen in their lives what no person should see.
They have lived in a way that no person should live. And they have no doubt had troubled times, through no fault of their own.

We walked (slowly) up to the Cenotaph and stayed their for the service. I was very proud of the Senior Sergeant, the way he composed himself, looked after some of the younger kids (apparently even one of the kindy kids decided they didn't want to sit on the grass but in Sam's lap - which he let them!!)

Then he and Miss Z walked over together, laid the wreath, and bowed their heads in respect. And all I could think of was how could a mother, father, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, friend, watch their person go off to war at an age only a couple years older than these two.

And so I cried again!

And I even wondered how many of those diggers would be there next year. But, I am certain, that the legend and tradition is safe for the future. Seeing some of those young kids, either walking with senior family members or wearing medals, or even waving the flags we got given, I know they will keep this happening for years to come.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Unfortunately I spent much of Sunday at our local hospital.
I injured my back on Saturday, but at this stage I am unable to elaborate further on how and why, but let's just say it frigging hurt!

So, after I managed to actually get myself dressed and into the car, I drove about 3.5 minutes to a local medical centre. After taking 15 minutes to actually get out of the car and into the medical centre, they told me to get back in the car, and go to the accident and emergency at our local hospital. So, approximately an hour later, after managing to get back in the car and drive another 1.5 minutes, I arrived at the hospital car park but it then took me another hour to get out of the car and into accident and emergency!

The lady on the front desk, took one look at me, and then proceeded to advise me that I looked like absolute crap and I must be in pain. No. shit. sherlock.

She then grabbed a nurse who took me straight in to emergency, despite the look of daggers I received from those in the waiting room. Sorry, peeps, but I have spent many an hour or 10 in A and E waiting rooms and obviously I looked too scary to keep in the waiting room in case I scared small children.

So, off to Nurse 1 who asked what was wrong. At this stage, I actually had tears streaming down my face due to the pain but managed to tell her that I had a back problem and that all those knives in the back were really starting to hurt.

I then had to rate my pain out of 10. 10 being the worst, 1 being little or no pain. WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE THERE IF MY PAIN WAS A 1????????????

After telling her that the pain was so severe that I would prefer to give birth again whilst undergoing another knee reconstruction at the same time than put up with this pain much longer, she said " Oh, so you are in some discomfort then",

Thankfully Nurse No. 2 came along at that stage and moved me immediately into a padded room and told me to get on the bed. After I asked her how long I would need to be on it before I had to get off it again, she said that the Doctor would be straight in but why did I ask? "Because it is going to take me approximately 1/2 hour to climb onto the bed and to lay down".

So, the lovely Nurse No 2 got Nurse No 3 to come in and we managed to get me on to the table. Nurse No 2 then went off to spread some more loveliness around A and E whilst Nurse No 3 then told me she needed to do my obs!

She then took my temperature by basically sticking the thermometer so hard in one ear she actually took the temperature of the other one. Next was my blood pressure in which she pumped that band around my arm I fair dinkum thought my arm would fall off.

Then, the same question - "So if you had to rate your pain out of ten with ten being the worst and one being nothing..." I quickly interrupted her with my answer "It bloody well hurts. I do not want to spend my Sunday off in hospital with a back that is in so much pain I can't stand up and being asked frigging ridiculous questions, I just need some frigging pain relief so that is how much it hurts" she then proceeded to tell me perhaps the Doctor should see me!

I must admit, Dr S was lovely when she came in although she did look like she was about 12. After reassuring me she did indeed get medical qualifications from University and not from her Corn Flakes Packet, she then asked me to stand up.

I told her she might like to go and perform brain surgery or a heart transplant in the time it took me to actually get 70% upright, she helped me but stopped halfway to exclaim "Oh My God, I love your dress. Where did you get that from? It is SOOOOOO nice. I just love it. Oh tell me where you get it from - please!"

Upon then looking at my face she then decided that perhaps I wasn't there to dispense fashion advice and that I was in pain and she was very nice. Thank God she didn't ask me to rate my pain as she realised it bloody hurt!

So off I was sent to x-ray. Manuel, the lovely wheel chair pusher, was ever so gentle pushing me in the wheelchair down to x ray and telling me when there was the slightest of bumps. Every second word that came out of his mouth was 'Darlin' " and he was also basically the only staff member who managed to get my name correct - calling me Lisa instead of Linda. Now Linda is a lovely name, I know a number of lovely Linda's, but it is not my name. If they can't get the name right, what will happen next, I started to wonder.

Part 2 of this post will have to wait. It has taken me about 3 hours to write this one, as I can only sit for a short time and I just can't type lying down.

So keep an eye out for the next instalment. Including why I had to ask Nurse 4 who brought in an oxygen tank why I would need that when he replied "Oh, I thought you were the one having the heart attack. So you're not then are you?" ?????>??????

Friday, 13 April 2012

I managed to get a few day's 'off' over Easter so we packed the car and headed for a leisurely 9 1/2 hour drive down to Victoria.

I hadn't really planned to do the drive in one day, just thought I would see how I went. And considering our first stop was at Macca's McCafe only an hour and a half down the road, I thought we may be lucky to get to our destination before we would have to be coming home.

First stop - 1 1/2 hours from the start!!!

But we managed it. With stops at Fyshwick (afore mentioned Maccas), then Nimmatabel (what the???) then Orbost for petrol, we managed to make it to my The Phantom Poster's motel accommodation. Lucky having family running a motel - wonder if they might make their next one in Southern France or somewhere similar?

Lunch by the lake at Nimmatabel

We chatted, sang, slept (well only brief power naps for me as I was driving) and discovered many many many toilets on the way as Senior Sergeant liked to do such inspections.

Horse Girl had set herself up in the back seat with her books, I pod's, snacks, cushions, pillows, blankets etc - just like her own mini apartment.

Senior Sergeant likes to be the navigator although his habit of screaming out at the top of his lungs "JEEEZZZZUUUUSSSSS" every time I went to overtake someone was a little disconcerting.

Anyways, most of the family were there celebrating Nana Gypsy's 80th birthday. Was great catching up with everyone, although some of us did have to stand on stools to greet certain nephews who now seem to be about 85 feet tall.

The Queen and her subjects (we made them all either kneel or crouch!)

But it was lots of fun and although we had a couple of family members missng in action, we still thought about them and wished they were there. And it was great to catch up with all who were there.

So Nana, we hope you enjoyed your 80th birthday in country Victoria. Perhaps the 90th might be in that motel in Southern France!

Thursday, 12 April 2012

I am writing this post basically for me as an outlet.
So, if you are after a laugh, or a giggle, or even a smirk, perhaps look away NOW!

I have been working since I was 14 - starting off as a babysitter and working in a bakery. I have never ever turned away from hard work, in fact, the harder it gets, or the more it involves, it is almost the better I do at it and the better results I achieve.

I do not profess to be an expert at ANYTHING. Ok, maybe at singing ABBA songs after a bevy or two, but that is it.

I work hard. I expect nothing for doing nothing. I do not ask the government for money. I am able to work, to use my brain and to use my body. Some days I may forget that I have both those things to use, when I may feel a little sorry for myself.

I don't mean to forget that. Unfortunately, I often have a black dog nipping at my heels. Some times I am really good at getting rid of that black dog, giving it a kick away and going along on my way.

Other times, I have felt as though that black dog is taking over my life. I find it hard to do things, and to concentrate, to get things completed. BUT, I have never used that as an excuse. I have always tried to work hard, and if I feel that Black Dog is around, I actually try even harder with work, to ensure I do the best I can. And I have never, nor will ever, use that as an 'excuse'. I am OK!

No doubt, some days, I have not done the best I could. But, tell me anyone who has.

I know I take things to heart way too much. I want to be the best and do the best and more often than not, I'm not the best. But I mostly try to give it my best effort.

I make mistakes. Sometimes, I make a few in a few days. Sometimes, a few in a few minutes. But I am not ashamed to ask for help, or clearer instructions, or even some instructions, if I have done the wrong thing.

But, I have never LIED, nor CHEATED, nor tried to make anyone feel inferior. If I make a mistake, I ADMIT IT. Sorry, I am not perfect. I have never, ever claimed to be.

But, do not lie to me. I have learnt, the hard way, to keep notes. Very. comprehensive. notes.
This is not the way I want to be, but I have learnt to be that way. If you choose to accuse me of not doing something, and this is done purely to protect your own inadequacies, I will not defend you. I will not allow you to belittle me. Nor will I allow you to disrepect my professionalism.

Perhaps you might need to look in a mirror. No one is perfect. Not. Even. You.

Just be very careful what you do and say. I may have the hide of an elephant.

Thursday, 29 March 2012

So, I thought I would continue on with the embarrassing moments theme - not just because there are SO many but am having a crap time at the moment with something so need a laugh - and why not laugh at myself!!!

Last year I was working on another short term contract for a local government authority. This was located basically inside a retail complex - well, OK, you walked out the door, down about 30 steps and in another door and then voila...retail heaven (well, not really heaven but anyway, I digress)

This particular day I must have had some very important crap stuff to do or was meeting with some over inflated egos very important people as I was all suited up, with the high heels (no, not the same pair as the last story, but similar). Anyway, I have strutted around in heels on and off for many years now and this was nothing new to wear them to work. They are actually one of the most comfy pairs of shoes I have had.

So this day I was heading down to the shops to grab a coffee and just had my wallet and ID tag. After pulling some ridiculous faces at a couple of the staff on the ground floor (you know who you are) I walked out the doors and started to walk down the steps.

Now I do have a bit of a phobia about stairs and I do like to hang on to the rail. I know, Nanna Nanna. But, I have been known to fall both down and up stairs, generally not at the same time, and have spent many a time at the Old Mater Hospital in Sydney getting even more stitches put in my body.

Having also had two failed knee reconstructions on the one leg, I also feel as though my leg may give away at any second when going down stairs so I hang on like there's no tomorrow and won't let go of that hand rail for anyone.

Having managed to get down the stairs without incident, I was then walking the 20 steps to make it into the doors of the retail centre. Whilst also checking I actually had enough coinage for a coffee.

Well, lo and behold, down I went. No idea how it happened but yes, I fell over. No, my heel didn't get caught in anything, no I wasn't drunk (yet) and no I did not walk into anyone.

I. Just. Fell.

Down.

So, splat goes the wallet and all those absolutely useless customer reward cards that I have. Of course, there were no monetary notes (there hardly ever is in my wallet) but as I had been trying to make $4.50 out of silver, that went a yonder.

Once again, I landed in downward dog pose, and once again, could feel the pain of the split knee and also the gravel rash on one palm.

Now by this stage I was very concerned that there would be my co workers standing around and laughing at me, but luck would have it, I couldn't see any (although I heard afterwards that there were a few who were hiding behind poles in fits of laughter!).

As I was trying to regain oxygen in my lungs, I started to try to put my head in an upward position and spotted a young woman (well, that isn't actually what I would call her but she was female) with a young fellow and a younger boy of about 13/14. The young lad then came skating over towards me on his skateboard asking "Oh lady, are youse awright?"

After I gave him a lesson on the correct use of the English language, he helped me up to my feet (no mean feat for him). I could then hear smirking and looked towards the scrag female who was now convulsing with laughter with tears streaming down her face.

Anyway, back to me. Now that I was upright, I thanked the young lad who was standing there looking at me. Thinking he may have been waiting for a tip, I asked him if he was OK. He replied "Oh I am OK, I just wanna make sure you are OK. See, my gran is like you, she is always falling over too".

Well, didn't that make me feel better.

Anyway, I am sure the boy has now recovered (nah, just kidding). Although his command of the English Language was not up to speed, he was a good kid making sure I was ok.

Oh, and once I regained composure (well, I actually hadn't but pretended to), I walked past the girl with my head held high (and blood dripping down my leg faster than Ben Cousins says yes to a drug deal) I said to her "don't you laugh Missy, you'll be like me one day" to which I heard her mutter under her breath "Not likely!"

So, there you go. Yet another of my mishaps which fortunately left no lasting injury but can now be the point of a good laugh (most of the time)

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

So If you read an earlier post you will realise that I have had some embarrassing moments in my life, as well as awkward ones (black bra anyone - read back if you have no idea what I am talking about)

I was discussing these with Horse Girl recently and she reminded me of many a couple which I thought I might share.

#679 - The Job Interview. I have had a shitload few jobs over the years and like to think that I am quite cool, calm and collected when doing the whole job interview thing - Lord knows I have had enough practise.
This particular time was not that long ago when a contract I had was drawing to an end and I was desperately seeking more work. I managed to score an interview for this certain job and of course the distance from where I was working at the time to where I had to go for the interview was quite considerable.

Not wanting to be late, I left enough time to basically drive around Australia get to the interview without rushing. So with an HOUR TO SPARE, I went and grabbed a coffee and read over my notes.

I was all suited up with heels on, although not the 94 inch ones you see young girls wearing these days (I can say that as I am old) but ones that I have had for some time and had no trouble walking in. So, the time had come and I walked into the interview. The place where the interview was being held was in a construction site as they were still building the business (literally, they were still building the building) but I thought, ah no worries, I have been on building sites before.

As the interviewer proceeded to put his hand out to greet me (not in a high five type way but a mere handshake) I manage to get my heel caught and couldn't quite manage to extricate my heel out of the crack in the floor whilst staying upright.

I then proceeded to fall oh so inelegantly down the interviewer with my outstretched hand doing what appear to be a 'pat down' of his entire body! I ended up in downward facing dog pose (or whatever its called) and trying not to cry - more from sheer embarrassment as I did not realise I had cut my knee so badly that I would later have to consider a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood loss.

Of course it was one of those VERY awkward moments when no one knew what to do. The interviewer stood there saying - Oh dear- whilst his assistant tried not to giggle and picked up all my papers. Meanwhile, I was still in my yoga position wondering how the hell I would recover.

But recover I did. I scrambled jumped to my feet and brushed myself down (as opposed to brushing the interviewer down) and said - "Right, now that's over, let's get on with it".

I think the interviewer was possibly more shocked than me at this stage and offered a glass of water. Glass of friggin' water - How about a vodka mate! So, the interview proceeded with his 16 year old blonde bimbo assistant still trying not to laugh and mean trying not to deck her during the interview.

And it finished with my suit pants stuck to my leg thanks to dried blood and me trying to laugh it off and suggesting that surely my inability to stand on two feet would not hinder my employment prospects.

Alas, it appears it did!

And now, you will just have to wait for # 899 and #2305. But they're a coming!

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About Me

Hi there. I'm Lisa and with my two gorgeous kids we left the big smoke (Sydney) six years ago for our new life in the country (gorgeous Southern Highlands of NSW). I work full time, and in any spare time love to chat, create, chat, laugh, chat and love. Oh yes, and a glass of red never goes astray either, and a chat!!! We love to explore new places and revisit old ones, and one of our dreams is to redo an old caravan retro style and hit the road for a big road trip and visit all the BIG icons of Australia (Big Pineapple, Big Prawn etc etc - I know, very corny!)
But how cool would that be.
So all we need now is the caravan...and a map!