“I haven’t had sex in over a year!”

Ok. Not a quote from me. And not a quote from someone I know. But if you’ve seen the movie Hitch – you know the scene that this comes from. A speed dating event where a woman stands up and screams this in front of everyone – clearly frustrated that her speed dating activity has been interrupted by an argument with Hitch and his girlfriend.

I was watching this move (for the millionth time) the other night when I told my friend that I felt sorry for the woman screaming this out loud. Not because of the sex (although I’m going with that’s too long!), but because she seemed alone and angry with her situation.

Life is full of times when there’s lots of sex and when there’s not. Sometimes its amazing, then it’s not, then it is again. Sometimes it’s not about the sex but it’s about the companionship. The feeling of belonging to something or being with someone.

We can have this feeling in lots of different ways. With many different people (yea, different than in our 20’s!). I mean for most people, this aspect of a relationship waxes and wanes in life and sometimes goes away for a period of time. But we fill those voids in other ways. My sense of the woman in the movie was that she’d not filled that void.

I may have told you this story before about my grandparents but it bears repeating: When my grandfather was dying, I sat in his living room with he and my grandmother to ask him some of my final questions. One question was how long they had sex together before age or life got in the way. My grandfather told me that although the sex may be different, he was more in tune with my grandmother’s needs at that moment, than ever before. Beautiful. So, it was about love and needs and compassion by then – the sex was simply a product of those feelings.

So, while title might make you think I wanted to write about sex (and I certainly wouldn’t mind!), it’s about being ok with the changes that occur over time and in life. It’s about finding comfort in where you happen to be right now and, not being angry or sad about it. But just understanding that when one door closes, another one will open – sometimes slowly. And sometimes only when you’re ready.

No matter where you are in life – no vacation in a year, no sex in a year, no money or partner or whatever – know that life gives you what you need. Not always what you want … but what you need. And if you can live in the moment knowing that – you’ll find that what you’ve been waiting for will be right in front of you (and maybe it always has been). 🙂