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It’s never too early to teach your kids how to get thrown out of an establishment with STYLE

August 6, 2009

Note: I have never closed comments on a post before, but depending on how this post is received today, I may have to.

I was “asked to leave” a restaurant that will remain unnamed.

I’m not even angry that they asked me to leave because I know it was asked out of respect for the many children running around.

I did, after all, call a man an asshole in my grown-up outside voice.

I know!

And I would apologize to every parent of every child in that place for having said it so loud that heads snapped around hard enough to give whiplash to all.

However, I would sooner douse myself in gasoline and set myself on fire before ever apologizing to the man to whom it was directed.

He’s pretty darn lucky he didn’t go home with a swallowing problem after I punched him in the throat.

I had taken the kids to get food before we went for a swim, and was unlucky enough to sit myself at a booth with a venomous piece of filth at my back.

He wasn’t shy about voicing his opinions on a black president and how our tax dollars are being spent. I’m not entirely sure that one has anything to do with the other, but whatever.

He was all for just dropping an atomic weapon on all of “them arab countries and that’d take care of the war problem.”

And don’t you try to take away his gun.

I was able to shake it all off with an inner snicker that ignorance really DOES comes in a wonderful variety of shapes and colors….and how my husband was totally correct that stereotypes are often steeped in some truth.

And then he said it.

He said something so ugly that I sat stunned for a moment wondering if there was any way I could have possibly heard him correctly.

“…and wasting all my government money on those stupid classes for retards is useless…they might as well be giving the money TO.TERRORISTS.”

Did he…?

No. He couldn’t have.

Because there is no way he just compared people with special needs to terrorists.

He did not just say he’d rather fund terrorists than fund classes to help the mentally or physically handicapped.

But, any way I worded it in my head, it still came out the same.

My inner snicker fell silent.

My mind flashed through thoughts of my own child, my beautiful cousin with William’s Syndrome and ALL of my friends who in one form or another have the label of special needs in their lives.

My laughter was replaced with a fury so hot my chest hurt and I got those angry tears….those ones you can’t control and you hate because you’re pretty sure they make you look like a complete wuss.

I turned in my seat and said, “Do you even hear yourself? What you’re saying is so awful that you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man took one look at me and said, “You need to shut up, you stupid foreigner.”

I snapped.

I could hear it.

Something in the back of my head said “OH HELL NO” and I just totally lost any grasp I had on my Handle-It-Like-An-Adult mechanism.

I stood up. I leaned over and yelled in his face.

“Even a stupid foreigner like me can tell you’re a completely uneducated asshole!”

Yup.

Right there. In his face.

I sure did.

I’m not proud of it because I hate when people get all curse-y out loud in front of MY kids and make their eyes get all big and they say “oooooh, they said S-H-I-T.”

And that’s when one of the employees came over and said, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

So, I gathered up my kids who were too busy playing to notice that their mama was about to unleash some kung fu on a total douchebag, and we left.

I don’t even feel bad about it.

Except…..

A whole group of parents had to go home and try to explain what an asshole is to their children.

I could have saved them some time by having them all file past that man like an exhibit at the zoo…”Look kids! It’s an asshole. Don’t feed it, though, they bite.”

150 Responses to It’s never too early to teach your kids how to get thrown out of an establishment with STYLE

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I can't believe they asked YOU to leave the restaurant instead of the ignorant ASSHOLE!!!! Good for you for speaking up and I 100% agree with Karen Sugarpants that I'd much rather explain the word "asshole" to my kids!

Good for you! You SHOULDN'T feel bad or apologize for what you said. Whenever I hear someone say something really stupid I always end up feeling like a major dumbass for not commenting, at least you had the balls to say something!

You are my new hero. If I'd have heard it I would have *wanted* to do what you did but instead would have bitten my tongue and gone home with hurt feelings. Even knowing that my kids would have been introduced to an asshole, it would have been worth it seeing that guy get his come-uppance. I'd have walked out with you, and let the manager know that you were justified in your actions.

seriously? i'm loving on you right now. i am so thankful that you said something to him. even if it doesn't change his ignorant behavior, you showed your children and everyone else there that bullshit behavior doesn't have to be tolerated. explaining asshole is easier than explaining that tool's thought process.
love and peace to you.
becky

You've got courage! I'll never forget something I heard Maya Angelou say about how she will NOT allow the poison of racism to be spoken around her. When I heard her say it she also said that if you don't say something you are giving your approval of what is being said. I found a quote of hers:

I will not sit in a group of black friends and hear racial pejoratives against whites. I will not hear "honky." I will not hear "Jap." I will not hear "kike." I will not hear "greaser." I will not hear "dago." I will not hear it. As soon as I hear it, I say, "Excuse me, I have to leave. Sorry." Or if it's in my home, I say, "You have to leave. I can't have that. That is poison, and I know it is poison, and you're smearing it on me. I will not have it." Now, it's not an easy thing. And one doesn't all of a sudden sort of blossom into somebody who's courageous enough to say that. But you do start little by little. And you sit in a room, and somebody says — if you're all white, and somebody says, "Well, the n***** — " You may not have the courage right then, but you say, "Whooh! My goodness! It's already eight o'clock. I have to go," and leave. Little by little, you develop courage. You sit in a room, and somebody says, "Well, you know what the Japs did then, and what they're doing now." Say, "Mm-hmm! I have to go. My goodness! It's already six o'clock." Leave. Continue to build the courage. Sooner or later, you'll be able to say out loud, "Just a minute. I defend that person. I will not have gay bashing, lesbian bashing. Not in my company. I will not do it."

Calling him an asshole was tame compared to what he really is. When I'm dealing with similarly ignorant folks (many in my family & small hometown), I tend to get so flustered that I stutter. What an absolute fuckwit of a man.

Unfortunately, I can relate to your play-by-play all too well. Thankfully, I've never actually been present to overhear such comments (barring the cross-the-line, give terrorists money comment) at church. Friends like to tell me about it after overhearing these things so that we can all say that it's a good thing I wasn't there. Oh, and that foreigner thing…heard that before too. I'm grateful to hear that there are people like you who will stand up and say something. Best reason ever for being kicked out of a restaurant.

I echo all of the aforementioned positive comments. If I were there, and my kid heard you, I would tell him sometimes people say horrible things about others that aren't there to defend themselves, so sometimes we must defend them in their absence.

I hate that people can't be respectful with their opinions in public. I mean sure he's entitled to his asshole-opinions but fer chrissake keep em to yourself. I would have junk-punched him for you had I been with you. You are my favorite foreeeeeener!

Good. For. You. It might have been my father you were talking to which is good since I don't talk to him any more! Honestly though, there are sooo many people like this who are ignorant and get their news straight from Rush Limbaugh who doesn't care if it is true or not, who are so nativist, prejudiced, and thinks every single freedom they have rests on their unfettered right to bear arms. They scare me a LOT.

GOOD FOR YOU! You didn't absolutely NOTHING wrong and i'm sure the other parents inthe restaurant would applaud you as well even though they may have some explaining to do. It's so horribly sad to see that kind of ignorance still exists in today's world.

It's unfortunate that we feel so stifled that we have to listen to it quietly and feel that we can't stand up for ourselves. That's just one of the few times I've actually gotten up and faced it down. It sucks and I'm done listening to stupid people polluting my air!

What an awful experience! You've mentioned before where you live. Unfortunately there are people in this country who have very outdated and uneducated views.

In a similar vein I was in a McDonald's in London with my family. A group of young guys were sitting eating breakfast chatting and liberally sprinkling their conversation with curse words. I leaned over to the friendliest of the gus and said "there are kids back here could you mind your language." The group was good about that. The guy I spoke to gave his friends a reminder or two. There is hope!

I have nothing more to say that hasn't been said. But I will try.
Thank you, for saying what needed to be said. There's a difference between shooting a teen dirty looks because he thinks saying "asshole" is all cool and what-not, but having the opportunity to explain to my children why the mom over there got worked up and stood up for what she believed in is an opportunity we don't get very often. I applaud you, and am ready to joing said fan club/gang.

I have an uncle who is an asshole like that. The last time I talked to him, he had walked up to my sister and I at a family reunion and said in a snide tone, "You know what? The older you girls get, the more you 'bulk up!'" I replied (to the joy of his wife, DIL and grandaughters around him,) "And I see you are as big an asshole as ever." He didn't say a word, but I know he heard me. His DIL thanked me when he was out of earshot. People like that need to be called out. Good for you.

I'm so proud of you for speaking up. You did a brave and right thing…well, maybe not the "bad word" part, what with kids and all…because if more people would speak up and correct such ignorant behavior, it would have to stop! Good for you!

The reason there are assholes out there like that is because no one has stood up to them and challenged their beliefs! Kudos to you for doing it!!! I'd like to think he went home and thought about what he was saying and will think twice about saying it again. Here's hoping…

Politics – everybody is entitled to their opinion, provided ti has to do with policy and not race. Ignorance – there simply is no excuse for some people. I am glad that you at least are concerned for those parents that have some explaining to do but hope that more than anything you made a lot of people wish they had the nerve to do just what you did. Reality is, the ignoramus in question probably feel justified becaue you were the one asked to leave but I bet lots of other people spent some time in thought about what kind of impression you left for them as a positive example of standing up for what is right.

Awesome.
Way to stand up to that ignorant douche.
He was the one who should have been booted though.
North South, East West, ignorance is everywhere*, I and I hope I would have the courage to stand up to it like you did.

First of all when I grow up I wanna be just like Anissa. Second, you should have smacked him across his ignorant moronic face. Third, that's kinda what you get for living in Georgia. Not that I have room to talk, living in Louisiana and all.

OMG you are truly the most amazing person I have the pleasure of knowing, (not that I do know you, but you know what I mean). If I had been there I would have walked out with you. Talk about a SPECIAL NEEDS issue that needs some attention IGNORANCE it highly contagious and has no cure apparently.

Delurking to post…THANKY YOU!!!!!!!
Please tell me he also got the boot?
As a mother of special needs kids(yes more than one) I aplaud you!
If I was there I wuld have walked out with you AND if I had to explain that word to my kids I would say people like him cause it is true!!!!!

Karen, THAT totally makes it worth getting thrown out. I have too many friends that I love who live that life that I could NOT just let him go on saying it….I won't be there the next time he does, but I bet you he thinks of me.

Anissa, I would rather explain to my kids what "asshole" means than have to explain to them how someone could be so filled with hate. Thank you for saying to him what everyone who heard him should have said to him. Shame on that restaurant for throwing you out!

You are seriously my hero Anissa. As the mother of a special needs child, and as a decent human being, when I read your tweets yesterday my head started spinning and then popped off my neck. Reading this post today makes me wish you HAD punched him. Right in the Nads. I am SO glad you said something to him. Thank you. *mwah*

I can't believe that guy!! I'm so glad you said something. It sounds like something I would (like to) do. Ignorant people are dangerous! And kids need to learn about those words sometime. At least they are hearing them used correctly! LOL!!

Good for you!!! I saw your twitter yesterday and wonder what was it about. I'm glad you stood up to that @$$hole!!! Quite frankly, I'm not surprised that you will run into that kind of person seeing we are in the redneck country. I know not everyone here is the same but it seems we tend to attract more of that type of people here than others.

You don't owe one person in that place an apology. I would think that any self-respecting parent there would be telling their children just how awesome a person you are, and complaining to management for having the audacity to throw YOU out instead of that ignorant idiot.
You were completely justified in what you did. Even worse than causing a scene is to sit there quietly and allow that kind of toxic venom to continue.
Well done.
xo

Wow, Anissa. I'm proud of you. Someday when they're all grown up, your kids are going to remember this and be so proud of the strong, take-no-bullshit woman that you were, and they're going to love telling this story. BADASS.

OH MY GOSH! More power to you. He needed to be called an asshole. Some people, really, HE should have been told to leave. His comments would be what I would be concerned with trying to explain to my children. Asshole! Applause and standing ovation to you.__

I. Can't. Believe. That. Frankly, I'd like to congratulate you on 1) Not punching him in the throat, and 2) Not calling him anything worse. Because in this situation, asshole just doesn't begin to cover it.

Honestly, the word asshole is nothing compared to what that person was spouting off about. Good for you for standing up to him and that should be the lesson here…not that you swore infront of some children.

Oh man, you gave me chills. YOU are awesome. It takes just "one" person to sometimes show people how ignorant they are. He is ashamed, he is filled with so much hate, that he must in fact hate himself. You showed your children that sometimes turning the "other cheek" is not acceptable, that sometimes the weak need a voice, you are that voice and I am so proud of you…and also proud to be an american "foreigner". God bless you…and yes, I am suprised he can still swallow!

I've actually heard MUCH worse when I lived up north. I was shocked in high school to hear some of the stuff that people truly believed in the community in WI. But, honestly, assholeyness is universal.

About Anissa

Erma Bombeck said something that pretty much defines my approach to life....
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, "I used everything you gave me." If you switch the word TALENT for LOVE or LAUGHTER or HAPPINESS....it still stands.