Normal, For Us

It seems that my libido has returned and I’m responding to Mrs. Lion the way we both expect. I’m locked in my Cherry Keeper. Mrs. Lion took it off last night only long enough to tease me. It’s nice to be back to normal.

Normal? Isn’t that odd? I don’t think that what we are doing could be construed as normal for most married couples. Yet, this is been our routine for six years. That’s almost half of our married life. We are celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in August. I think we are a special case, even in the male chastity/FLRD world. For about half the time we’ve been practicing enforced male chastity, Mrs. Lion’s libido has been asleep.

I’m not going to claim that I feel great about not being able to reciprocate all the pleasure she gives me. I don’t. The thing is, a seriously unbalanced sex life is one of the most common causes of marital problems. In a very real sense, we’ve stumbled upon a way to make lemonade out of sexual lemons. I would love to claim that our brilliant intellects went to work and solved this problem, but that’s just not true. A combination of love, goodwill, and a seriously deviant imagination combined to make this sexual alchemy successful.

I think the most significant contribution our enforced male chastity and FLRD make to our sexual relationship is that they don’t put any pressure on Mrs. Lion to feel sexual or respond sexually to me. I’m not claiming that Mrs. Lion wouldn’t like her libido back. I’m sure she would. But what I’m saying is that everything we do is focused on my libido without any judgment or demand on her to act or react sexually.

At first glance, that sounds terribly selfish of me. She gives me sexual pleasure with none for herself. Before we began our power exchanges, I felt deprived and inadequate because I couldn’t turn on my lioness. I spent my whole life believing that successful sex is mutual. In many relationships both partners feel guilty because the biological reality of a loss of libido makes any sort of mutual sexual pleasure impossible. Even in a so-called normal relationship, sexual interest is almost never equal. Someone feels put upon, the other neglected.

Enforced male chastity, at least the way we do it, makes no sexual demands on Mrs. Lion. Her role is to harness and play with my libido. She can use my active interest in sex to tease me and frustrate me endlessly. When it pleases her, she can make me ejaculate. I’m not claiming that this is the same as sex for her. Of course, it isn’t. But it is a sexual game she can play with the outcome satisfying my still-active libido without stressing her.

A good part of the sexual experience is communicating love by giving pleasure. Mrs. Lion gives me enormous amounts of pleasure and frustration. I can’t reciprocate. However, I can give her my devotion and love and let her know how happy she makes me. It may not be the same thing as sexual reciprocation, but it is emotional reciprocation. She has my gratitude and devotion. She also has the satisfaction of playing a game where the stakes for me, at least, are very high. The higher the stakes, that she sets, the more fun I have.

The biggest lesson for me is that reciprocation doesn’t have to be in kind. We can be completely happy if I reciprocate Mrs. Lion’s sexual and emotional attention with my loyalty and expressions of love. After all, love is not a currency. If you try to measure it and dole it out in equal portions, you’ll fail. If you give all you have in any way available to you, it will be received as the greatest gift in the world. That’s what we do. I’m very happy to say it works for us.

I always feel a little uncomfortable using the word “normal”. In the context I generally use, I’m saying that I don’t fit into that category. It’s almost a form of negative self judgment. I suppose it’s “normal” to step outside yourself and compare your life with others. The result of the comparison is almost always things that are unusual or odd about us.

The truth is that “normal” usually means, in the context of a relationship, that the people are generally unhappy. So, in our case, we are abnormal. We are happy and growing and having a very good time.