An Update On Life

Okay, so, I moved into a new house, right? My parents are separated now. No, I am not sad and please stop telling me I should be sad because I’m happy. I’m more calm and less angry now.

Nonetheless, I moved. I have a new bedroom, bathroom, kitchen.

It’s my fourteenth house.

I had this hope during summer that I would leave South Korea, that I would go to Paraguay and live in an apartment my father is buying. I’d have my own room and I would get to decorate it. Heck, I actually used Pinterest for once and made a board of all the themes and things I’d want in my room.

Now that hope is gone. Due to stuff in life, there’s no point in that board anymore because I obviously won’t be getting my own house until I’m an adult.

That’s another thing, I’m scared of being an adult because what if I have that urge to pack up my bags every three years and move somewhere new? That’s gonna cost a TON of money and from what I’ve seen with my parents, that doesn’t seem very fun. Not to mention the amount of times they thought they’d own this house forever but only lived in in for two or three years. Bye, pink bedroom. Blue and purple bedroom. White bedroom.

And that’s another thing. You know how I’m fourteen and I worry about boyfriends and stuff like that? Yay! I don’t have to worry about losing my virginity much less having a boyfriend while I’m in Korea ’cause I’m crazy! Wooo!

Not what I meant to say but what if I decide to date? Is my boyfriend really gonna move around every two or three years? How long will he be able to handle that? And I don’t want to date a TCK because I don’t want to move every two or three years, I want a HOUSE. I want FRIENDS.

Do not worry, dear reader! I have a friend in Korea! He’s in the grade above me and we only have Spanish class together.

But, I’m selfish and I love being social so I kind of want more friends, ya know? Friends I can talk to in real life. But I love my friends from the States so much and they’re amazing yeah.

Anyway, on with a rant about me because I’m egotistical and want to feel sorry for myself.

Did you know I’m the only Western kid in the high school? Okay, there are probably Western kids but I’m the only “Wester” looking one. They can at least fit in the uniforms. My Western body doesn’t fit well in them.

And I want to be a Western teenager, ya know, go to parties on the weekends? Have sleepovers?

If there are parties, I haven’t heard of them or am invited. And sleepovers? I’ve tried with the previous friends I’ve had but as one explained to me, in their culture, they don’t do sleepovers at this age.

Goodbye stupid ideas like drinking with friends, doing drugs, being rebellious. I just get to sit in my room and either study, watch YouTube, or a read a book. I don’t have any hobbies ’cause I gave up on life. No, I’m not suicidal, stop it. You’re gonna take it the wrong way but that’s not it. I just don’t see the point in life. What good does this species do, huh? And none of the adults I see seem very happy so what about me?

Oh and the haunting fact that I’m a TCK and lose my friends every two to three years.

Yeah, what a great life I live.

But, ya know, “be strong, that’s what life’s like”

So then if this is life, WHY, WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE ALIVE?

Once again, I am NOT suicidal, I’m just questioning things.

That’s another thing, all the kids my age are either oblivious to life, oblivious and depressed, or depressed.

What kind of generation is this? What does that say about our society? It can’t be entirely our faults that we’re depressed, can it?

Anyway, I’m fourteen so what could I know? I’m just a dumb brunette who doesn’t understand anything about the world, right? I couldn’t possibly have meaningful conversations because I don’t think that deeply.

Yup.

So yeah, I’ve given up on life. I have being a TCK, it sucks.

You have no roots, you leave your friends, you’re lonely.

As an ambivert, I don’t really know how an introvert would feel about this but I think as human we all crave to be around humans once in a while and THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LIVE MY SPECIFIC

Let me say that word again

S P E C I F I C

life.

Other TCKs might have wonderful lives! Yay! I’m so happy for you! Congrats!

I want a room. I want my own room to hide in. A room that scream my personality. I want to paint the walls and have decorations hanging from the walls.

I want to go to the mall every once in a while or go somewhere and not just go to school the home

School then home

School then home

“PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE MORE!” I hear ya saying!

Number one, last year I did.

Number two, could you please let me, a teeneger, feel sorry for myself.

I do have friends outside of my school that I can talk to

I’m kind of trying to find people IN my school that don’t mind my personality.

Shhh, I know, “go talk to the people you can talk to and enjoy their company”

They

Are

Busy

And have other friends

Remember, they are in different schools

“Well at least you have friends!”

That I see every couple months, yes

Yay for those friends.

And after writing this all out, I don’t feel like complaining about the friends I have because I have them and I’m done feeling sorry for myself

But diid I mention that I want a house? Did I say that yet?

I know what I said last year “YAY FOR BEING A TCK! WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE”

Let me fix that to my pity-party-self now

“I WANT A HOME! WHAT AN UNSTABLE LIFE I HAVE!”

“You need to talk to someone about this”

Yeah, I am.

But this is a blog for world nomads and TCKs, right? And I’m supposed to talk to you about my life as a TCK, right?

So, here you go, this is how I feel right now. Nothing edited out, nothing censored. It’s how I feel.