A lesson in looking for signs of domestic abuse

This Associated Press story, about a SUNY Brockport freshman who police say was beaten to death by her boyfriend, raised some flags for me.

First, the university says the tragedy came without warning. But typically, these things do come with warning. It would have been a good time for the university to raise awareness about domestic violence, the way the young woman’s former high school has chosen to do.

Physical violence doesn’t often start without emotional abuse as a lead-up.

The article quotes a friend saying the young woman seemed “perfectly content” in the relationship. Often, a victim won’t speak out for multiple reasons. They may be afraid. They may be embarrassed. They may believe the behavior is normal or that they deserved it.

Abuse can be so subtle that the signs are often hard to read for friends and family members of a victim. Possessiveness can be mistaken by the victim that she/he is adored so much or anger is just misplaced anxiety when the perpetrator cannot immediately reach the victim by phone or know their whereabouts every minute of the day. Subtle signs and events that almost always lead to physical abuse and increasingly violence and deaths.

The murder at SUNY Brockport is a tragedy on so many levels. Since this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, do the young people in your life a favor and learn about dating violence. Here’s where you can find what everyone should know about dating abuse: http://www.respectlove.opdv.ny.gov/

If you or someone you know is being hurt by an intimate partner, call the NYS Hotline: 1-800-942-6906