That fake blood looks SO real!

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Okay group, the Rome Tourist Board hired us to crisis manage this horrible PR problem in the middle of tourist season. Their security guards are having a job action at one of the most popular attractions, the Colosseum.

Getting those protesting guards to leave the Colosseum could turn very ugly, but we’ve come up with a plan.

We’ve contacted some zoos in the area, and they are going to rent us some lions. Then we’ll send the lions into the Colosseum for a “historical reenactment” of those 2,000 year-old events we all know about.

If it’s as popular as we hope, it could be a regular attraction.

Earl, how are you coming along with the ESPN negotiations? They’re gonna have to pay through the eyeballs to show this one live, let me tell you!