Hmmm, Indy's being misrepresented here. They make him sound almost as dangerous as Michael Jackson.

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He does have a thing for young women -- Marion was in her teens when Indy did her, which kind of puts the "female student who has a crush on him" thing in the third film in a new light.

The "third" film?

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It's not like Indiana just walks around endangering random little kids he finds on the street!

Oh ... right. Short Round.

Indy was innocent here. It was the kid who molested him!

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Temple is a prequel -- it takes place one year before Raiders, so in the span of one year, Short Round basically disappears. Where did he go? Seriously, what the hell happened to Short Round? Did Indy forget to refill his water dish before going on vacation or something?

It's simple. Indy ditched Shorty at the first opportunity. Who wouldn't?

That's a nice overview, although Drew Struzan didn't do the E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial poster (I believe that one's a publicity photo composite done by ILM mimicking one of their more famous shots from the movie) or the Blade Runner one (that one's by another legendary poster artist, the late great John Alvin) that they credit him with.

That's a nice overview, although Drew Struzan didn't do the E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial poster (I believe that one's a publicity photo composite done by ILM mimicking one of their more famous shots from the movie) or the Blade Runner one (that one's by another legendary poster artist, the late great John Alvin) that they credit him with.

Quite right. Though he did do, and this is what I assume they meant to show, the DVD cover art for the Super Fantastic Ultimate Definitive Deluxe Special Edition Box Set Extraordinaire.

...when it came time to make the Raiders of the Lost Ark prequel, Temple of Doom, Spielberg decided to match Indy up with Willie Scott, a stereotypical ditzy, blonde nightclub singer (played by an actress who later married Stephen Spielberg).

Alright, we understand Spielberg's motivation here...

But hey, at least in this flick Spielberg resisted the urge to insert a sassy, precocious child... ah, wait, sorry. This movie featured lots and lots of Short Round, the Chinese kid from Goonies.

...but this choice leads to some disturbing questions.

How They Nearly Ruined The Movie:

Willie, the blonde bimbo, is supposed to serve as the comedic relief, but does so by embodying about every ugly stereotype about women ever invented. She's shallow and materialistic; during a gunfight, she's crawling on the floor trying to find a diamond and mourns, annoyingly, about a couple holes in her dress. Later, she's very interested to meet the Maharajah because she hears he's rich. She's stupid; she loses Indy's gun because it's hot, and complains about cracking a nail (damage to her nails being a recurring complaint). She gets hysterical when there's danger; she almost lets Indy and Short Round die because she freaks out at the sight of a bug.

It's like Spielberg was trying to make up for having previously written a strong female character in Marion. Remember her from Raiders? She punched people, drank men under the table and stood up to the Nazis. What the hell happened to Spielberg's opinion of women between 1981 and 1984?

There's a mild disparity, is what we're saying.

As for Short Round, he embodies several dozen of the Bad Child Character traits we mentioned above, with the added fun of being foreign, which the film wants us to find endlessly hilarious. So the adorable little scamp gets lines like "He no nuts, he crazy!" and "You cheat very big!" One of his very first lines in the movie is "Hokey dokey, Dr. Jones, hold onto your potatoes!"

Let's just stop there and enjoy this YouTube clip of him getting punched in the face: