Friday, 21 January 2011

For Fun and Entertainment Purposes Only

This is the second in a series of eagerly awaited and incredibly popular Tarot reading posts.

Legal Niceties:
Please remember that these readings are for fun and entertainment purposes only and should not be taken at all seriously because I am not psychic and cannot foresee the future. It is also worth noting that your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on a mortgage or other loan secured on it.

Firstly an update on my first eagerly awaited and incredibly popular Tarot reading post which featured Mr XL and ably demonstrates my startling abilities.
Incredibly I accurately ascertained that Mr XL is a frustrated restless redhead.
I then predicted that he would soon visit Australia. And He did!!!
Finally I predicted that he would throw caution to the wind and do something daring. He did!!!Read this!!!
Anyhow, I think it is now time to update Mr XL’s future and discover what 2011 has in store...
Now Keep still Mr XL whilst I stroke your avatar, gently press my nose against it and give it a good nuzzle....

Apologies for the slight tingle...Mr XL, the Tarot is telling me that you must ignore mischievous fortune cookies, as they speak nonsense... you must stick to well dunked gingernuts in future as they are kinder to your teeth.... and be careful with your teeth this year, as there could be some danger in the form of a heavily seeded bap or a crusty topped bloomer.
The Tarot is also telling me that you are feeling vulnerable and that you are having a bit of an identity crisis. You are smarting and dwelling on previous hurts. But do not worry, very soon everything will become clear as you are about to venture on a voyage of self discovery and you will again learn to value yourself. I also spy the birth of a new relationship... or a renewal of faith... there are definitely gentle stirrings of new beginnings... you are advised to take things slowly and to feed yourself with pleasure [good heavens!] and you must nurture yourself [the well dunked gingernuts will help you to do this], and treat yourself kindly. This self indulgence... although it may feel selfish... will lead you to the place you need to be. I hope this helps.

If there is anyone else who would like an insightful reading then please make a request in the comment box below.
Thank you... I am now psychically exhausted and need to rest....

Mr XL: Okay... the numbers... oh my lord... there are nine significant number and could apply to Lotto anywhere in the world.... but they are... let me wipe the steam from my window.... they are...9, 43, 8, 23, 17, 1, 40, 41, 36

Dave: Er... well give it another shot... maybe the previous numbers I predicted will come up... you just never know...

MJ: And Mr XL will continue to be a nekkid pillow fluffer...I will get on to your reading straight away... something about a struggle... having to tackle a pair of tropical delights... and a funhouse mirror features... a UFO with golden sconces and climax of snappy elastic... and then you are to be reunited with a piece of clothing that brings you happy memories... I see the colour green... what could it all mean?Sx

Speaking of decent gingernutting, the Freakin Green Elf Shorts are being packaged in betwixt an assortment of local oddities and will soon be airborne above the Pond.

I'd ask you for a firm reading but alas I am far too afeared of the future and do not wish to know the exact hour of my demise, destruction or death. Of course you could always promise me something that was insanely positive and promising. That would be terrific.

Goodness, what a talent you have! I remember when you did my tarot reading and predicted I would get older, trim my fingernails regularly and spend a lot of time waiting for buses. Astonishingly, it all came true!

Mr Coppens: I can feel the shorts winging their way.... TO ME!!!!I'm going to do you a reading anyway, so there!!!

Zig: I am in my usual attire when I do my readings i.e. my baby pink gossamer negligee and sparkly pink extra fluffy mules. But a few coins passed across my palm would probably be helpful.

Pat: Indeed... I forgot to mention that Mr XL will have extra luck if he puts some fat balls out for the birds.

Mr Kinky: We live in hope... well I do.

MJ: I will keep a whole day free for your reading; it is likely that I will have to sift through many interesting images before I reach an indepth meaning.As for Mr Coppens, he will only reunite with Monica if he abandons Facebook and returns to blogging - this is exactly what the cards say, word for word.

Nick: Obviously I will have to re-do your reading as I do not get the bus vibe from you! Are you sure it wasn't an imposter who gave you that original reading??

Mr Devine: *sharp intake of breath* We do not mention swords in this comment box. Mr XL got the Page of Cups... I suppose I should have mention that in the post....

Princess: Soon Princess! At the moment I feel you have a strong connection with water... am I close?

Mr Travis: Hello and Welcome!!! Don't be 'skeered' or even scared.... only nice things happen in my readings.

Oh my, Scarlet, I am in awe of your many talents. Tarot reading indeed. Please don't get your feelings hurt if I decline your free services though. At my age I wouldn't want a big shock to put me over the edge. I enjoy standing just on the outside reading your blog.

Ms S, please read my cards, I want to know if I'm stalking anyone, whether I'm really a girl, when my hair will finally decide to get curly, if Reading town really is as nice as I think it is - or better, and any other gems your talent can sniff outw xxxx