Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Low-rise Skinny-Leg Wool Pants

Welcome! Are you an overachieving chick? Do you want more fashion, lifestyle, and career advice? Please consider signing up for our newsletter or subscribing to our RSS feed. Thank you for visiting!

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Love, love, love the bright pop of color and the crispness for these Emilio Pucci wool pants. That nice crisp pleat, to me, is what elevates these to be office appropriate. With a bright color like this I like to wear soft neutrals like navy or gray with it, as black can look a little stark. They were $990, but are now $594 at Net-a-Porter. Emilio Pucci Low-rise skinny-leg wool pants

If it makes you feel any better, I’m wearing a Target maternity sweater dress today that I’ve worn about a million times in the past few months. Apparently, though, I hit a growth spurt between the last time I wore it and now and it is *much* more body-conscious than I remembered it being. Nothing trampy, but a little va-va-voom for my current condition. If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be in my office with a blanket wrapped around me…

Haha, when I was younger my mom insisted on keeping a pair of maternity overalls and a maternity dress because she thought they were “so comfy.” Needless to say, I was mortified (esp. by the overalls, which were corduroy and paisley).

Ugh, I know how you feel. I am getting to be so, so, sick of maternity clothing.
I have found gilt to have some decent maternity sales – sometimes just having one or two more options to add to my “capsule” wardrobe makes me feel a bit cheerier!

Early !!!!!!/OH MAH GAWD threadjack: I just got a call for an interview! I actually applied for two positions with the organization–one that was nearly my dream job, one that was less dreamy but that I am still qualified for–and since I got rejected from the dream job, I figured there was no chance I’d hear back from the less-dreamy job. BUT I DID.

The only problem is that they want me to come in Wednesday or Thursday for an in-person interview, but I, you know, have a job halfway across the country and stuff, and since I was out last week for a conference there is zero chance that I can get myself there this week. I throttled my excited squealing and, in my very best adult voice, explained all of that, and requested a phone interview. I couldn’t think of anything else to do, but now I’m panicking that they won’t think I’m serious about this job, and I absolutely am. AH!

Sorry for all the caps and exclamation points, I just needed someone to share my excitement with and/or calm me down a bit.

Congrats A.! Don’t worry – if you’re halfway across the country they will understand why you need a phone interview. Plus if you can travel later, you can always propose an in-person interview at the end of the phone interview and see what they say. Just did a phone interview myself – best tip I got from Corporettes is to find a very quiet space (i.e. not a coffee shop).

Ooh good advice, thank you very much–I hadn’t even thought about where I’d be for the interview, but since my office is definitely not quiet, I guess I can just go home for a few minutes.

And also, thank you to Anon13 for mentioning a post-interview thank-you note. I hadn’t even considered that. Due to some primo contacts, the application process for my current position was super low-key, so I’m pretty clueless about how this whole process works in the Real World.

WOW. I LOVE these pants. Wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing them to work (tight + bright=weekend pant to me), but these are just lovely. I also like the olive coat with them; it’s a pairing I wouldn’t think of but really like.

I could really use a hug from the Corporette community. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with told me this weekend that he can’t be with me anymore, even though he still is still in love with me. I’m devastated, and I have no friends in my current city to even meet up with to take my mind off the pain. :(

i know it is small consolation right now, but you’re meant to be with someone who wants to and is ready to be with you. I have no idea what went down with your boyfriend but clearly you are someone capable and worthy of loving and being loved. It will be tough for a while, but good things will happen.

Adding onto Bunkster above – I am also in Boston and would be happy to meet you for a drink and either talk about the ex not at all or only talk about the ex.

I had the breakup from the love-of-my-life thing a few years ago while in a brand new city at an internship, and it was SO hard not even to have friends to come over and take my mind off it. I suggest putting television shows playing on a loop on your laptop (Friends worked particularly well for me). Literally play them until you fall asleep and leave your laptop running. For me the hardest part in the first few weeks was being alone with my thoughts, so having an external storyline to focus on really helped.

*Hugs* I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know this is incredibly painful, and I hope you find the support you need to carry you through this hard time. It might not sound like much, but time really heals all wounds. Take care of yourself!

I wish I was in Boston, and not just to meet up with Bunkster and moments, but because that’s where he is and he’s really struggled with long distance. He’s also under a lot of stress right now with finals, and I just feel like he’s not making this decision with a clear head. This was also my first serious relationship despite being in my late 20s (I was way too picky early on–I wish I’d dated some duds for practice so I didn’t make so many rookie mistakes with the one that mattered) and I just don’t have any experience coping with this.

I also am prone to breaking down in tears at the slightest thing, including the standard Monday “how was your weekend?” Awesome to do that in front of the partner I do most of my work for.

If you want a drink/dinner/coffee/new friend, I am in Dallas as well. And it looks like it’s going to be a miserably rainy week. I’d love to take you out on Thursday or Friday after work if you feel like it.

Like you, I didn’t date much until I met “Mr. Right” when I was in my early 20s. We broke up and I was crushed. Several years later, I am SO glad we didn’t work out because I now see he wasn’t Mr. Right (I’m still searching for the real Mr. Right) and my life is better without the former guy. I’m not saying that the guy you just broke up with wasn’t great or you two weren’t great together; I’m just saying the passage of time may change your perspective. And for now, it just hurts.

Hugs for today. Reply back here if you want to go out late this week and then I’ll send you my contact info (and it’s a standing offer if you want to go for a drink in a couple of weeks instead).

I’m in Dallas, too and, echoing others, am an attorney who went through a the break up for a 4-year relationship (and engagement) not too long ago. If you all feel comfortable, post the meet up information.

I’m in Dallas, too. Also a lawyer and also went through a rough patch last year which involved me just typin’ and cryin’ at my desk for a while. I would love to join if you guys make plans! My email address is mukelk at gmail. :-)

Also in Dallas (as you can tell, I’m not anon under this moniker). To throw this out there, if any of you like musicals, there’s a free show of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” in Carrollton, if you’d like an activity prior to drinks. The details are at savescrooge (dot) com. I’d also be up to join in on drinks in the late evening if you make plans.
To the OP, I don’t have much advice, but I can say, it will get better. Eat some comfort food, be lazy, and otherwise indulge in some vices for a few days, and remember that you are going to get through this hard time!

Extending the hugs.
Also unsolicited advice: breathe deep, take it one moment at a time, have a good cry or several if you need to (in the bathroom, or during a walk, etc.), and know that as impossible as it may seem, you will get through this. REach out to friends, even if it’s just over the phone. Some of my most therapeutic heart to hearts were done long distance.
And, also, know that it wasn’t you. As someone who was on the other end of a sudden break up, I can tell you that it was horrible and I felt awful but it really was about me and what I was going through and not the totally awesome person I was breaking up with. If you need to vent, you’ve got people here who are listening.

If you can pardon my random guessing – is he perhaps in his first year at a certain MBA program? speaking from experience, those programs are really insane (not from a work POV, but from a take-over-your-life POV) and it’s unfortunately pretty common that a lot of external relationships (e.g. with people outside school) take a hit.

I’m not excusing what happened at all. I think he’s probably really overwhelmed though and under the influence of a lot of not-real-world things and people. I know that doesn’t help, but the best thing you can do is take a deep breath and take care of yourself. Time will help, as will making some friends in your new city (so tell us where you are!).

I know what you’re going through. The same thing happened to me during the middle of September. I’m not going to lie and tell you that it is going to be easy. It is not going to be easy. We moved to this small city together and I don’t have any friends here that I would be comfortable crying with. My family is about 2hours away. You will get through this, day by day. 3 months later and I still haven’t accepted it. He quickly moved out of our apartment (within days) and I just moved into a new apartment last week. We were together for 7 year.

For you right now – Cry, watch trashy TV, see a therapist (I really didn’t want to but from suggestions from this site I did), eat pizza and drink a beer..just not too much :) Try to go home for a weekend… When you feel tears coming on at work run to the bathroom. Also, lie about how your weekend was. In my opinion the breakup is new and TMI for coworkers right now. I know this is so hard, but DON’T call/text/email him. He needs to miss you and realize what an idiot he is for breaking up with you. If he is going through such a stressful time in his life then he will need you for support eventually.

Where I’m at now – I have to say, it has really been nice to spend time alone with my thoughts. I’m rediscovering my independence and slowing starting to open up to people in my city. Just asking random girls in the elevator if they want to grab a coffee seems awkward at first… but it has turned into a few “local” friends for me. I’m not going to lie. I do still cry all the time. I haven’t told many people yet. I’m still hanging onto the idea that we will be back together. I don’t have all the answers.. but I’m still doing well at work, taking care of myself, and getting through it day by day. To me that is all that matters right now.

Is your city in PA? .. and I’m not talking about Philly or Pittsburg. If so, maybe we are in the same place and can meet up? Or just talk.

Hugs to the both of you. One suggestion that REALLY helped me was to delete my ex’s number (to make it more difficult to call/text) and to hide his contact from my gchat window. I would feel a physical jolt of adrenaline every time his name would pop up so I just hid it and it did me a world of good.

I have been through this, and many of my friends are currently. I’m so sorry.

To add to the great suggestions already here:

–Change any passwords that remind you of him. It’s worth the hassle. Do it immediately. Also, if you have him as a user on any account, take him off. It’s not that you mistrust what he might do, it’s just to not look at his name when, for example, you’re buying a plane ticket and Travelocity asks if it’s for him. Ahem.
–Hide him on Facebook. De-friending may be unnecessarily dramatic, but hiding is a good way to discreetly stop seeing stuff about him. You can also set your own posts so that he won’t see them, if that awareness is bothering you.
–Deleting him from your phone may not be a good plan. If this has been serious and long-term, chances are you at least have some logistics that you need to talk about at some point. However, you can put an “X” in front of his name so that you don’t see it while scrolling through others, and you have to go looking for it if you ever really need to call. You also know it’s him immediately if he contacts you, and can screen as necessary.
–Embrace things, people and activities that he didn’t like or wasn’t into. You’re losing something from this breakup, but think about what you’re gaining as well: freedom to do and have exactly what you want, without accounting for his preferences.

You’re going to be fine, trust us all. And do post your city, if you’re comfortable doing so, because you may have more “friends” nearby than you think. :)

Ditto to all of this. And I would add your Facebook news feed, if you aren’t ready to outright de-friend (although I would recommend doing that as well).

Other than that, many, many hugs. Stuff like this never gets easy, so all you can do is just take it one day at a time, with as many pizzas and pints of Ben and Jerry’s and episodes of Jersey Shore as you want.

Let me add my hugs too. One suggestion that I think I read on corporette was to change an Ex’s name to You Will Regret It. That way you have the contact info. if necessary, but you will have second thoughts perhaps when reaching out just because you miss him.

oh, honey – hugs, hugs, hugs. Twin Cities here (if you need a random shoulder). I was so totally you about 6 months ago (bf w/ stress, first major relationship, late 20s)- and all I can say is that it will get better. You’ll be sad (and prone to tears at the drop of a hat) for a while, and it will suck, but eventually you’ll realize you go whole hours without thinking about the fact that he’s not there anymore.

My breakup project was painting my condo – and I spent several nights falling asleep on the couch to dvds of tv shows, since lying in bed alone with my thoughts wasn’t helping at all. Do you have friends you can at least call and talk to? Talk it out, journal it – something to get the swirl of words out of your head.

I’m so sorry. *Hugs* I’ve been in your shoes (long-distance, practically engaged, really hard breakup, etc.), and it’s terrible. You definitely have my sympathies. I agree with everyone else about taking some time to distance yourself from him (which I know is easier said than done), because you need to have a big ol’ sobfest and get your emotions on a more even keel. Take 1-2 weeks and try not to call him. Cry, go on a hike, drink wine, eat chicken noodle soup, etc. I see you’re in TX, otherwise I’d say we could meet up for a drink!

Also, if you have time for some light reading, I highly recommend the site ‘baggagereclaim’ (just Google it, don’t want to get stuck in moderation!) It helped me through my last breakup more than you could imagine.

Nothing new to add, just my sympathy and some Internet hugs. Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, do it. I second the recommendation for trashy TV — that definitely helped get me through my completely unexpected LDR breakup. Hang in there and remember that we’re all here for you!

Internet hugz. That sucks and is really hard to deal with when you have to go to work and be a big girl.

In addition to all the great advice above, if you’re into this sort of thing, I’d think about taking a yoga class (a very low impact one). It can help put your mind at ease AND it helps work out some of the really physical symptoms of sadness (tight and tense muscles).

Do you have non-close friends in your city to talk to? Sometimes even non-close friends are good ears for this sort of thing because it really is quite universal.

Anyway, internet hugs. And if you were in Boston I’d also join you and Bunkster for that drink.

Hey, many hugs… When this happened to me I managed to take a day off just to cry, pull myself together, pack up/get rid of reminders of relationship, etc. Is that a possibility for you?

Apart from that, please be kind to yourself. You might ask yourself where you might have gone wrong or done better, but it probably wasn’t you at all. The situation is devastating, but don’t let it make you believe that you were to blame.

*HUG* Sorry. This is an awful thing to go through. Be kind to yourself– don’t beat yourself up on “not dating duds” and “getting mistakes out of the system with them”– every relationship has its own set of unique issues and joys.

If you think he made this decision to break-up while under stress, then that could be liberating in itself eventually.

Because it would mean that this is a guy who easily cracks under pressure, and that he might not actually be such a great candidate for the life partner. I mean, if he acts like this wussy when it’s just school/finals pressure for crissakes, then goodness help you if, say he were dealing with the pressure of something more weighty like [fill in any number of situations in life].

To anyone still reading, thank you so much for your kind words, hugs, and encouragement. I’m saving a lot of this advice for the next few days because I am very clearly still in the denial stage of grief where I refuse to accept that it’s final and I’ve asked him to still come for our planned Christmas visit so we can work out our issues in person. But I know I have to be prepared for the high likelihood that it is final, and you’ve all been so much help making sure I get on the right path when I’m ready to deal with that.

And I’m so grateful for all of the corporettes both in my city and elsewhere who offered to meet up. My weekend is now by far the busiest since I moved here thanks to all of you and it makes me feel so much better about the prospect of getting through the next few days without making the situation even worse by calling him when he’s asked for space.

Threadjack! I spent half of last summer with a small, local firm (20ish lawyers). They seemed very happy with my work and one of the several partners in charge of hiring told me that I could come back this summer, just to let them know in the fall. I emailed a few months ago and expressed my interest in returning and they said they would schedule something with me over my break to discuss. Now that break is approaching, I just got an email from someone junior to the hiring people telling me they were told I was interested returning and if that is the case I should send in my resume, cover letter, writing sample, and that they are currently reviewing applicants and I would find out their decision in the new year. WHAT?! For what it’s worth, they did not do OCI or list any job openings with my law school, which is their main feeder, so I’m not sure who the other applicants are (the other person who spent half their summer there last year?).

Is this their way of telling me to go away? As far as I know, interns from my school in previous years were just welcomed back, no re-application process.

What should I do? Would it be appropriate for me to email one of the hiring partners (not the person who sent me this email) and say something along the lines of, “Based on what I was told last summer I was under the impression that I could return this summer, if that is not the case I would really like to know as soon as possible as I haven’t been applying to other positions.” Should I just send in what they asked for and hope for the best?

They may have tightened up the process a bit. Or have someone who is new/clueless/mistaken with the email you’ve received.

If you are tight with the hiring partners, contact them – but realize things can change. A lot of this depends on how much of a connection you have there.

I’m in-house in an HRish, non-lawyer role – I would not fuss about the process, rather talk about your prior experience and it may be to your benefit to send in an updated resume, etc. with an email that highlights your past experience with the firm and what else you’re bringing on board.

Thanks for the info- the thing that threw me off is that she referenced the hiring partner and that I had spoken with him- so I don’t think she is clueless. I am freaking out! The reason I haven’t been looking for other jobs is because I like this firm and they told me I could come back. I thought that I had an “offer”. This came from nowhere. I am also planning on taking classes half of the summer to graduate early, so it isn’t as big of a deal, but still!

It sounds like this was a miscommunication. I can definitely see a partner leaving a list of names of people who they liked and applied, including your name, and having the message that you worked there before sort of slip through the cracks. I used to be an assistant to someone in charge of a government summer hiring program, and more than once she mixed in names of people that were returning applicants (who qualified for a separate program) with names of new applicants.

I would call and express your excitement at the possibility of working there again, and say that you’re completely willing to re-apply, but state that the partner seemed to indicate that he wanted to speak with you over break and you wanted to know if you should still schedule a time for that. Don’t imply that it was a mistake to ask you to re-apply, just clarify who you are and what position you wanted to be considered for. As long as you don’t sound like you feel entitled to have the job, you’ll be OK.

I should clarify- there is no mistake about my identity, this is a small firm. The junior person that emailed me knows me, and worked with me, last summer. That is why I am so confused.

Looking back at the email a few months ago the partner said they would love to see me and have lunch over break, but didn’t really respond to the part about me returning except to say they hadn’t discussed summer hiring plans. Maybe that was a subtle hint that they were exploring other options.

I assumed that “You can come back next summer” meant just that. Apparently not. I do really want to come back, as I loved the firm and everyone there. They all seemed to be happy with my work and like me personally, so I am just confused about what changed. I know that for the last two years before this they brought back their 1L interns for 2L summer without any additional “hiring process”.

I also want to add that any applications would have been unsolicited. There is only one law school in the area (the one I attend) and they did not come here or ask for applications through the school. Obviously if that had happened I would know what was going on. I guess it is possible they are recruiting a not local school, but most of their young associates are from my school.

I’m sorry to say it, but it sounds like one of the several hiring partners said something about you coming back next summer not meaning for it to be a firm offer and/or without having cleared it with the other hiring partners. Because you already emailed that person about coming back and got the response that they hadn’t discussed summer hiring plans yet (instead of “yes, definitely!”), it doesn’t sound like being asked to apply was a mistake and I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to clarify what they meant last summer. Just send in your materials, with a really good cover letter about the work you did for them and why you want to come back, and start applying for other things ASAP.

And, I finally got the nerve and bought a pair of red J Crew trousers. I am wearing them today with black pumps, a black/white polka dot blouse, with a solid black short sleeve sweater over top! It is appropriate for our somewhat casual office, and I feel very brave today!

I love these pants. I’ve become quite obsessed with colored pants, acquiring blue ones, green ones, orange herringbone and plaid (blue, green and plaid are all j.crew and orange herringbone are anthropologie). None are work appropriate (for my job, anyway), but all are fun for weekends or casual Fridays.

I like colored pants, but find that when I buy them I am only comfortable pairing them with black or white tops. So I’ve tried to stop buying them because I don’t wear black/white that often. How do you wear your colored pants? (I have to admit I like the olive/fuchsia combo featured today but would have never thought of it myself.)

These look similar to the J Crew wool cafe trouser, which I own in this colour. The cafe trouser doesn’t fit as tight or slim in the leg as the pants on the model here, which is good news for those of us who don’t have perfect legs. I’ve been wearing them to work with no problems, and my only gripe about the wool cafe trousers is that they’re not lined.

I love the colors in the wool cafe trousers but had to return them because they’re too itchy without the lining. I’m not one who generally needs linings in pants, but I’ve been finding the JCrew wool particularly uncomfortable this season.

I would love pants like this but can’t seem to find any that look right in this shape. They either end up being too tight at the ankle or too tight at the thighs (making my legs look huge). One day I will find a pair that fits me correctly. Until then I will just admire everyone who can pull these off!

Does leather ever stretch out and then, over time from not being worn, actually go back to its original size? I’m so confused…I have some knee-high leather boots that seemed to have become too wide on my calves. I didn’t wear them all summer, and had planned to address the problem some time around now. Then I recently tried them on again, and they’re the right width! I know I am not imagining this, and my weight has been the same throughout. My exercise hasn’t changed either, which might have accounted for some change in my leg muscles. Does anyone know what might have happened?

Your feet swell throughout the day, which is one of the reasons people are encouraged to go shoe shopping at the end of the day. It can affect the fit of shoes quite a bit. I assume that calves/ankles may also swell…

Depending on whether the shafts are all leather, or leather and some kind of lining, etc., it’s possible that the leather dried out some which caused some tightening or contracting. You could either take them to a cobbler or try to treat/condition them yourselves.

I have a question that I’m sure has been discussed here before, but I can’t find it in the comments.

Skirt suits are much more flattering on me than pants, so I try to wear them on all but the coldest days. My favorite suit is a navy pinstripe, and I usually wear both the pants and the skirt with either nude or black patent heels. I’m not sure what sort of legwear to pair with the skirt in winter though. I don’t have a problem with black and navy generally, but black tights just seem wrong. Would you all wear black or off-black pantyhose? Or is this just a skirt that won’t work for winter?

Honestly, I think the black tights are fine, I wear black tights with my navy skirts. But, an alternative might be a deep gray tight. Personally, I’d probably go with a black patterned tight, because I love to mix patterns, and it makes whatever shoe I’m wearing seem more intentional (or at least that’s what I think), and it also makes the black tight seem less harsh for some reason.

I would either wear nude stockings, or navy stockings or tights (though I like the gray suggestion). I like the monochromatic look though. But you can also wear a colored shoe, like burgandy, or dark purple, or gray or gunmetal.

Speaking of J Crew, the suiting pieces on sale plus the extra discount are tempting me – does anyone know of a review/roundup of how the different cuts/styles fit? I’ve tried to search J Crew Aficionada but haven’t spotted such a thing.

I can only speak to the super 120’s, but as with a lot of J. Crew clothes, they are cut a little slimmer though the hips. I size up in suiting bottoms because I don’t want my work clothes to be tight. I go one size higher than I would be normally.

Across the line, I wear the same size in all the J Crew suiting pants, skirts and jackets. (NOT the Minnie pant, though. Those pants are work-danger. Toooo tight, IMO)
I wear a 6 Tall in all pants, a 4 in all the skirt and an 8 Tall in all the jackets. I am about 5’8, 140 lbs and have disproportionately long arms and legs, so I need the Tall sizes.

I’m alone in the office this morning so I just wanted to share with someone… I went shopping with my mother (!) this weekend and got some great new work clothes – just in time, since I was at the point where I was sick of *everything* in my closet. Today I’m wearing a beautiful grey wool dress ($25) and cobalt cardi. I feel fantastic. Can’t wait to wear my new suit ($50, Tahari, wool, lined!) as soon as it gets back from the tailor.

AND I got a dress to wear to the office holiday party on Friday… I had been stumped for weeks and this is just the thing. Can’t think of the brand/find a picture, but it’s black with a fitted bodice and swing-y skirt. Not too short, not to revealing, just a touch festive. It’s such a relief to have something… I’ve been lurking around all the comments here to see what other people are wearing to their holiday parties and getting nervous!

Threadjack – What is the best thing to do for loved ones who are long-term unemployed?

I’ve been very fortunate to find jobs out of law school that were well-compensated and rewarding. I’m in my sixth year of practice.

One couple in my family are looking to relocate, and have been applying for jobs in their target area for months, without luck. Other family members say they are getting depressed and don’t want to talk about it.

Another family member graduated law school in May 2011, and is not yet employed, despite great qualifications and attitude. Every time I ask my parents about it, it seems like they’re all trying to keep their heads up, so there’s always some reason that this person will be able to get a job in the future, but not now.

I live in another area of the country and won’t be seeing either over the holidays. I don’t want to call my family members up and seem like I’m nagging them or anything, but I am concerned about them. I am especially concerned about the couple that is getting depressed. If you were them, what would be most helpful/supportive from a long-distance sister? I’m sending them a package of Christmas presents, and because I know they want to move, it’s mostly consumable, so they don’t have to worry about packing it.

Send them gift cards to Target or the local supermarket in their area. This way, they can spend the gift cards on necessities and save their cash for other things (like rent or car payments). It’s a way to be helpful without treading into the pride/embarrassment fog of unemployment.

As a semi-unemployed person, who also has bouts of depression about this stuff, I’d say there are two general things you can do.

(A) Send nice notes once in a while saying you are thinking of them. As about other things in their life. Just keep the conversation but don’t specifically ask about the job hunt all the time. Maybe send a little something once in a while (like movie tickets) that will allow them to get out, have fun, and not think about it so much.

(B) Only ask about the job hunt frequently if you have actual concrete assistance to add. Especially for the attorney, do you have any connections you can set them up with for informational interviews? Law school or college friends who live in the area? That sort of thing. Since they’ve been searching for awhile, they probably have heard a lot of platitudes like “this is only a phase, I’m sure you’ll find something or “in 20 years you’ll barely remember this”, that sort of thing. So maybe offer that sort of thing once, but otherwise don’t bring it up too often. I know one of the most frustrating things is when my parents or whomever calls me and the first thing out of their mouth is “how is the job hunt” or whatever. Eventually I just told them that when I found something they’d be the first to know, but otherwise I really didn’t want to talk about it.

I completely agree with this. While I was job searching, having people ask about how the job search was going only added to my frustration, because I hated having to tell people over and over again that no, nothing had come through yet. I know they were just concerned, but it didn’t help. What was most helpful for me was fun gifts that added back in some of the fun things that I had cut out of my budget to make ends meet (for example, a Sephora gift card, gift certificates to my favorite thai restaurant, a train ticket to go visit friends in another city, etc).

As we approach the six-month anniversary of me losing my job, I wholeheartedly agree with the suggestions made – especially those about minimizing your questions about the ongoing job search. Yes, your questions are motivated by concern and a desire to help, but it can be extremely frustrating to a jobless person to face these questions over and over. For those who may already be experiencing depression, it probably is not helpful to continually recap all the unsuccessful strategies they have tried. Concrete suggestions are always welcome, as are simple/generic things you might say to any friend or loved one in crisis, such as, “You are in my thoughts!” or “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”