Me: No, but maybe I could just whip something up with what I have in the pantry. I think I have some sugar packets. Don’t you make caramel by melting sugar?

Christine: Uh…I think it’s more than that. Do you have apples?

Me: No. But you don’t have to have apples to make mock apple pie, right?

Christine: No, but you have to have Ritz Crackers. Do you have Ritz Crackers?

Me: I have saltines. I have saltines and sugar packets. Wait, it might be Sweet ‘N Low. What’s the melting point of Sweet ‘N Low?

Christine: Yeah. I gotta go.

Update: Uh, no. My recipe doesn’t work. But luckily Target is open late and they had some of those caramel apple kits. Hint: When they give you a small circle of caramel to cover an apple with you’re apparently supposed to stretch it out to make each caramel-circle cover one apple rather than using 4 1/2 circles to cover every empty spot of one single apple because after you get finished and you drizzle on the chopped up chocolate you picked up in the checkout line and add the sprinkles and stick it in the oven you will end up with a giant, meltylicious soccer ball of sugar whose kinetic energy could light up Topeka. Also, you may never sleep again. And your kid will probably get diabetes. But it will be worth it. Also, your updates will be longer than your original post because you will be too freaking wired on home-made caramel apples to stop typing and edit yourself.

By the way, did you know that until two years ago instead of saying “home-made” I thought the word was “whole-made”. You know, because they’re WHOLEsome. You know? Just me? Also, I pronounced “voluptuous” with an “m” because big chicks are full of VOLUME so they must be VOLUMptuous. Totally makes sense. Why am I writing about volumptuous, big chicks? Sugar high still active. Eeeeeeeee! Sugar!

Mmmmmm, caramel apples! They always bring back a childhood memory of when my mom took me to the Renasaince Festival where I had my first ever caramel apple and a damn bee flew into it and got stuck and I had to throw it away.

Yum! My sister-in-law sent me chocolate covered caramel apples after my surgery. I’ve got two left, and I’ve been using the ice packets that came with them for my knee ever since. That may have been the best. gift. ever! Hooray for caramel apples!

I looked everywhere and no place could I find the caramel that you could unwrap, melt and dip or even already made caramel apples. The caramel kit was my last resort. (After melting Sweet N Low, that is.)

okay, Jenny, you are totally freaking me out because when I met you, you reminded me so much of a former roommate of mine, it was weird, but now? You are telling me you have exactly the same quirks of speech she had, too. Volumptuous. Um, this is getting too strange!

MMM. Caramel apples are yummy. The closest we get at our house is those suckers that are flavored like caramel apples. My husband shares them with our dog. And I won’t kiss him for weeks. Maybe I should splurge and make real apples . . .

That is hilarious! Have you read Laurie Notaro’s Idiot Girl books? There is this scene where Laurie HAS to eat her giant caramel apple even though she’s at the bank drive thru. But it gets stuck in her teeth and she can’t get it out. After a few minutes of drooling struggle she sees that the tellers and the car next to her are watching her and laughing hystericall. Aaah, that’s a good book.

screamingly funny. sugar is a good thing. butter is good. margarine is an abomination to the gods and well, i do prefer the pink stuff in iced tea and prefer diet coke to regular, but i’ll take sugar anyday in every other way. i accidently picked up some sugar free but sickningly sweet instand apples and cinnamon oatmeal and it tastes like chemicals.

You had me laughing so hard yesterday – there were tears and I had to go search Wikipedia for an internet slang word that means “tears of laughter” that I know is out there, but I couldn’t find it and I got frustrated and couldn’t post the comment I wanted to post. It’s still funny today. I so needed this laugh today. Thank you.

Last weekend I bought my kiddos a candied apple at our elementary school fall carnival bake sale for 50c. I made them share it, but they conned me into letting them have it for bedtime snack. What kind of a dumb mom am I? I snuck a piece, it was good, but not as good as a carmel apple.