Fearing Another Unsatisfying Birth ( And Venting About Finances)

We've been looking for midwives for weeks now - ever since I found out I'm pregnant, I've been calling various midwives and setting up interviews. †Midwives are very hard to find in our area.

We managed to find one that will be able to make the distance (she lives about an hour and a half away), but I don't think we can afford her. †Her fee is $3500, and that doesn't include various lab fees, a birth pool, or birth stool. †Ultrasounds are $100, and a lactation consultant would be $100-150 (which is something I'll need considering my difficulties breastfeeding with my first child). †

I've been refreshing my memory with Dr. Sears' Birth Book, and although it's helping to prepare me, it's all depressing me. †I had a C-section at my first birth thanks to preeclampsia, and after every birth story, the Sears' are quick to point out that whatever happened in the birth story I just read, the parents aren't to blame because they hired labor assistants and had plenty of support.†

Well, I can't afford support. †We're still paying hospital bills from when my son was born thanks to poor insurance and all the expensive interventions that were necessary. †At least my previous OB, who I'm sure won't be on board for a VBAC, will take me if I keep paying on the debt from our first born. †

I don't know what to do. †I don't think I can handle another C-section. †Realizing that I may have to go back down the same path I did before has had me crying all morning. †Reading birth stories just made me relive what happened when Jack was born, which didn't help make me feel any better - a lot of what happened was out of my control because of how bad the toxemia had gotten, but there was a lot of things I should have done differently. †

I feel like I'm going to be forced to go back to a situation that led to an awful birth experience, to a place where no one will support my choices, and all because I can't afford the alternative that DOES support my decision. †

Comments (18)

Awww hugs to you Mama! Have you tried talking to the midwife about paying in installments, or about your situation specifically to see if she will lower her rate? Also, check with your insurance, they may cover at least the lab portion and possibly the lactation consultant. Another thing, I know some doulas in training are willing to provide their services for free or greatly reduced cost so that they can get the hours and experience they need. That may be an option if you do end up having to use the previous hospital and/or OB. I would definitely recommend visiting the NUCB board here, I'm sure those ladies would have other suggestions.

good luck with that!¬† I'm fortunate to have had little complications from my delivery, but I'm totally on the "whatever's-best-for-the-baby" side of things.¬† If your pre-e was that bad, you probably made the right choice to have a c-section.¬† Don't beat yourself up over it all this time later!¬† Do extensive research on VBAC to decide if it's a viable option - I truly hope it is!¬†

I'm totally clueless when it comes to doulas, midwives, etc.¬† I live in an area/state that doesn't really promote that, in general.¬† But I would say this:¬† I canNOT believe they charge extra for lactaction consultation!¬† Granted, my hosp is municipal, but I can call a lactaction consultant nearly 24 hrs/day, free of charge.

I feel you on your birth experience. My 1st pregnacy and labour I have toxiema so bad that I was on hospital bed rest that ended in a C-section at 35 weeks and NOTHING was in my control. My last pregnancy and Labor went very smoothly and I did have a repest c-section only because where the closeest hospital that would support a VBAC is in another state and I was due in Dec2010 so I couldnt risk driving in a blizzard the 3.5 hours to that hospital. This pregnacny will also be another repeat c-section. I will tell you this it still saddens me that I dont get the option to have a naturql birth but having a planned csection was almost to easy i showed at the hospital 3 days before I was due at6am and held my litttle man at 8:15am . There was no stress I wasnt tired. I was just ready to start bonding and loving my new lil guy.

I know what it's like to be in a tough spot with finances because we are too. At least we have decent insureance but simple things like prenatals are making me crazy, the copay with insurance was going to be $40 for one month along with the other meds I need to be on I'm looking at all most $100 a month in just meds alone. I think I will just but some OTC prenatals and say oh well with it.

¬†

As for a birthing ecpereince I also understand. While I didn't have a c-section by the skin of my teeth I wasn't able to move around or anything because I was hooked up to the blood pressure cuff, a had a fetal monitor on my daughters head, my water broke and I wasn't dialted so they had to induce me and It just wasn't my dream delivery. Thankfully I have a good team of Dr's and midwives to assist. But the office is about 30 minutes away and with a toddler that stinks.

¬†

I hope you find what you are looking for and in the end I'm sure it will all work out. Hang in there and try not to be so sad.

--

~ Coral

Mommy to Abbigayle Cailin born 1/9/09 and Morrigan Ashlyn born 1/8/12 and Expecting number 3

Thanks for your comments, mamas... I'm still grieving for the loss of having a homebirth (I can't even keep from crying thinking about it), but I'm trying to stay optimistic. ¬†

Even if we can get insurance to help, and I doubt that will work, she would reimburse us after we pay the full amount before the baby is born. ¬†Wouldn't help us any. ¬†And she's stated she's flexible, but I'm afraid we won't be able to come to an agreement. ¬†My husband and I tried to come up with a solution for hours last night and came up with nothing.

I haven't seen anyone at all yet because I've been trying to find an affordable midwife within a reasonable distance, so I haven't heard a heartbeat or seen an ultrasound. ¬†Maybe if I just go back to my OB, I can at least see my little one, and that might make me feel better.

Thanks for letting me rant... I know there's not much to say, but it makes me feel a little better to talk about it.

Honestly, the birth experience with DS was so awful, it was almost like I couldn't cope with it... almost like PTSD but not as severe. I had nightmares. I had anxiety. But it does help to talk to someone.

I'd highly recommend getting a therapist or someone trusted to talk to about this- it helps.

It took me about 2 1/2 years to get 'over' it and now I'm not afraid for this next time. But your little guy is younger than mine so you didn't get as much time to heal form your bad experience.

Pre-Eclampsia and toxemia re-occurs in like 90% of people- so you do need to somehow be 'ok' with the fact that you will likely have another c section. Luckily, you have more than 6 months to get there.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll have another c section and I can't control that- but there are things we CAN control. For example, I refuse to be poked and prodded for the next 7 months like a lab rat (C section cuts out a lot of the vaginal exams, no need for strep B tests). I INSIST on skin to skin contact after the birth (didn't get that last time) and (The best one- thanks to a doula I met at a wedding) NO STAPLES. They are the lazy way out, have higher risk of infection, and are all around worse than stitching. So my doctor will be spending the extra 30 minutes stitching me up, inside and out.

Some things are going to happen that you won't love, but there are things you can control here. Even just meeting with the midwife to ask her what you CAN control surrounding a c section would be helpful. There is always the chance that you'll get your VBAC! (YAY) but you really need to be ok with it going either way.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way.¬† I know it doesn't help to hear it from me, but things will work out.¬† I hope you find the best way soon so you don't have to worry about it for the next several months.¬† If it does help, though, I was hospitalized overnight and waiting to be induced the next day because of pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy.¬† (My water broke on it's own, but I still had to be induced.)¬† However, with my second pregnancy, NO pre-eclampsia.¬† It's definitely not a for sure...