Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4957

In Heat
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked: “Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”
The blonde said it was hers.
“Your dog seems to be in heat,” the officer said.
The blonde replied: “No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that tree.”
The policeman said: “No, you don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“No way,” said the blonde: “My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.”
The exasperated policeman said: “You still don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”
The blonde looked at the cop and said: “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.” Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4958

For Heaven's Sake
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him: "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said: "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says: 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4959

Sherlock Holmes Goes Camping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets,” he said: “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!" Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4960

Lethal Chastity Belt
A brave knight must go off to fight in the Crusades, so he leaves his sexy wife at home. As she can't be trusted, he fits her with a lethal chastity belt made out of razor blades.
On his victorious return, he lines up all his male staff and makes them drop their trousers. He is greeted by a whole line of shredded willies, except for one. He goes up to the man and says: "Unlike all the others, you have not betrayed my trust. In return I shall give you half my land."
To which the faithful servant replies: "Ugg ou gery muk." Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4961

Entering Heaven
St. Peter is checking IDs at the Pearly Gates. He asks a man: "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says: "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says: "OK, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a schoolteacher," the man replies.
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician," the man replies.
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..." Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4962

Redneck Wedding
Q. How do you know you're at a redneck wedding?
A. When everyone sits on the same side of the church. Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4963

Little Johnny
Little Johnny walks past his parents' room one night and sees them making love. Puzzled, he asks his father about it the next morning.
"Why were you doing that to Mommy last night?" he asks.
His father replies: "Because Mommy wants a baby."
The next night, Johnny spots Mommy giving Daddy a blowjob, and the next morning he asks his father: "Why was Mommy doing that to you last night?"
His father replies: "Because Mommy wants a Porsche." Ryan Murphy