31 traits men and vaginas have in common

February 13, 2017

Last Valentine’s Day, I posted a blog about the traits women and penises have in common. Because this baby boomer is a firm believer in turnabout being fair play, this year I’ve compiled a list about the qualities that men share with vaginas. Here goes:

They both can be perceived as dark and mysterious

Some people judge them based on their outward appearance, especially their hair

Some people prefer them without any hair at all

They both can get sore if you rub them the wrong way

They’re not always receptive to being touched or poked

They tend to be able to endure more when they’re younger

Conversely, they can become less accommodating as they get older

People of the opposite sex can be afraid of them

Some people have a hard time calling them by their real name

They often don’t know their own strength

They tend to communicate non-verbally

Regular workouts keep them strong and flexible

They can shut down if a situation is too intense

They rarely like being grabbed

They both can be called a pussy

They tend to be non-emotional

They resent other people—especially members of the opposite sex—making decisions on their behalf

While alcohol can help them relax, too much can impair their ability to function

They tend to allow only those they trust most to see inside them

Sometimes it’s difficult for them to open up

Having kids can stretch them pretty thin and even wear them out

People are sometimes amazed at what comes out of them

They both fart (different physiological processes, but the sound is similar)

People can be surprised at how much weight they’re able to lift (think I’m kidding? Check out this Wikipedia entry on vaginal weightlifting)

Self-examination can be difficult

Sometimes they just want to be left alone

Sometimes they open themselves up to the wrong people

In some situations, advancing step by step can be more productive than just plunging in

They both can be thin-skinned

Some of them like men, while others prefer women

Sometimes they undergo cosmetic surgery to rejuvenate themselves

And just as women and penises have their differences, so do men and vaginas. To wit:

The vagina has way more nicknames than any individual guy

Society remains much more accepting of an experienced guy than an experienced vagina

The word douche is a noun in relation to a man (something he is), whereas it’s a verb in relation to the vagina (since it’s something a woman does to that part of her anatomy)

Vaginas pretty much always have an asshole nearby, while men can choose who they hang out with

And perhaps the ultimate distinction comes from this quote attributed to nonagenarian Betty White: “Why do people say ‘grow some balls?’ Balls are weak and sensitive. If you want to be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

But as I wrote last year, in a world filled with so much trouble and strife—including between the sexes—let’s be mindful of our commonalities instead of our differences, especially as we mark this holiday devoted to love. In other words:

Let’s celebrate our similarities; that’s the long and short of it.

What do you think?Are there other traits you think men have in common with the vagina? Notable ways in which we’re different? Please share! P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Ha ha ha ha ha and a million more ha ha’s! The only thing I can think of is that like many older men, my vag would consider coming out of retirement for the right sum of money. Wadaya mean there’s a name for that?! A brilliant piece for Valentine’s – love it!