Limerick Poems About Home | Home Limerick Poems

A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.
Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they all dubbed her Pearl.
Her skin, soft and fair, shone like dew
as she smiled with eyes crystal blue.
All the men threw her money
as her voice, sweet as honey,
called out, “Let me entertain you!”
As Pearl danced each night, looking pretty,
Her husband, back in her home city,
was fit to be tied,
thinking maybe she’d died!
Poor fool didn’t have a clue, did he!
Unbeknownst to sweet Pearl, her “dear” spouse
had been sneaking off as she’d played house.
To conventions he’d said
he was goingInstead,
he’d been gambling in Vegas, that louse!
Off to strip clubs he’d gone every chance
that he gotHow he loved to see dance
naked women all sizes
in sexy disguises
while his wife at home longed for romance.
Now the tables were very much turned.
And her husband was feeling quite spurned.
He would sleep restlessly
thinking where could she be!!
But her whereabouts he never learned.
No longer could he run away
on a whimHe still had bills to pay.
That cleaning and cooking
meant no time for looking
at girls! He had less time to play.
In Vegas, his wife had come far.
In fact, she was a superstar.
Wearing naught but a fan,
she’d entice every man,
then drive home in a pearl-colored car!
Her spouse lost his jobThe years fled.
His wife he then had declared dead.
But with no job in sight,
he’d stay home each night,
with loneliness causing him dread.
Do you think this guy ever has let
his conscience feel any regret
that his wife did so much
while he gambled and such?
Has he learned anything at all yet?
Did he marry and get a new bride?
Did Pearl go and change her sweet ride
to a sleek red Corvette,
and did SHE marry yet?
I leave it to YOU to decide!
Written June 2016 for the Desperate Housewife Contest of PD

A nubile young vicar named Jude
Was seen swimming, totally nude
The bishop said WOW
Just look at you now
Your assets - they need to be viewed!
Fiction write!
07-05-17
Invited him home for a drink
A toast as their glasses did clink
Robes down on the floor
Performing a chore...
How far will this story now sink.
WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH
The vicar bent over to pray
The bishop could not look away
So for his protection
Took up a collection
A robe now conceals his display
WRITTEN BY CHRIS GREEN
I think this story about being nude will sink low
I will tell on those guys, all I know
Those two men are not holy
The bishop's roly-poly
And the vicar used to be in a nude girly show
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
The bishop was feeling romantic
The vicar thought the man pedantic
When the vicar turned around
To give the bishop a frown
The bishop gasped, "Lord, you're gigantic!"
WRITTEN DALE GREGORY COZART
Said Jude, will we both go to hell-
Said bishop, you never can tell
But please will you turn
I've got carpet burn
And my knees are beginning to swell
WRITTEN BY GARY SMITH
As the bishop continued to stare
He thought such a body's not fair
To see the nude vicar
was hard on his ticker
and soon he had to change underwear
WRITTEN BY ROGER ADAMS
Mother Teresa told me so
In the heaven we’ll dance too slow
If you want to come
Bring us some Rum
Otherwise you may stop and go
WRITTEN BY PASHANG SALEHI
btw..What would the Pontiff say?
Would there be hell to pay?
Or would the Pope
just drop the soap
and hope he'd be invited to play
WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
When suddenly a knock at the door
they decided they'd rather ignore
in walked the pope,
joined in the group grope
next day they were all saddle sore
WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER
The pope thought it not at all freakly
when asking the other men meekly
that if they were game
and would do the same
they could set up appointments weekly
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Jude's assets developed so well
As the bishop could obviously tell
But you might be surprised
How it grew to that size
Well, he used it to ring the church bell
WRITTEN BY RAY GRIDLEY
07-06-17

Tom went to the ugly bug ball
Strange insects invaded the hall
Folks dressed up as fleas,
Cockroaches and bees
The smile on his face said it all
Tom hoped for a little romance
Asked a cute centipede to dance
She whacked him on the nose
When he trod on her toes
He went home in an ambulance!
7th April 2017

When an Ode Operator named Jan
hits the road in her Sonnet sedan,
she keeps Lines in their lanes
riding Rhyme's rough terrains
and drives home every Poe'm that she can
************************
This limerick was written
for my Soup buddy Jan Allison
Thank you for your playful
input and positive support -
you are appreciated! xoxo

This boogeyman was scared of the dark
But tried frightening kids in the park
When dusk started to fall
For his mummy he’d call
He'd go dashing home quick as a lark
Young children thought it was great fun
Seeing the poor boogeyman run
They’d leap out from a bush
Make him fall on his tush
For he didn’t scare anyone
So the boogeyman joined in a class
His assessments he quickly did pass
He leaps from dustbin lids
Now he’s scaring the kids
This transition he cannot surpass
Contest Boogeyman sponsored by Nayda Ivette Negron
05~24~16

Abusive soul who tormented my heart
I didn’t wait for us to drift apart
I found inner strength at last
So don’t look at me aghast
You’re merely a crumb on my heart’s pie chart
A defumigator removed your scent
Into the trash all your hunting boots went
And those ghastly deer “trophies”
Ablaze with your spoiled green cheese
Your firearms too in the bonfire were sent
Valentine, let me give it to you straight
Goodwill came by for the very last crate
Maker’s Mark* for the homeless
Now that’s ironic justice
Hope your new home in the tent is just great
You wrecked my car and destroyed my credit
So you got off easy from where I sit
Not that you had much to lose
Just hair, weight, someone to use
Cupid aims, may your hemorrhoids get hit!
*Maker’s Mark is expensive whiskey
Entry for Sidney~Lee Ann’s valentine to an ex-lover contest
Written January 17, 2012

When she gives a cough or a sneeze
Some wee trickles down past her knees
Her knickers are damp
She smells like a tramp
Dashing home so nobody sees
TITLE INSPIRED FROM A COMMENT BY ARTHUR VASO
28th March 2015

Deceptive Griselda is not so fair
She conceals her real age, will not declare
On the Net she croons love’s tunes
To make all the young men swoon
A fantasyland like hers is so rare
The secrets that she always locks within
Mysterious as the Shroud of Turin
‘Twould be easier to gauge
The much-debated shroud’s age
Than guess the date of photos she's seen in
Wherever she goes, she carries laptops
Sexy blog posts from nursing home rooftops
Delusional minds deceive
Some catch on, some still believe
But at 87; her figure’s flopped
Entry for Tracie's contest

My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
The Air Force said go
I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.
The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
It really was strange
How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.
My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
I bought home a wife
she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.

My sister Susie loved picking her nose
To her chagrin her little finger froze
It was stuck so far
Doc used a crowbar
Finger up nose - not a ladylike pose!
Our Mother, in a fit of Pique
At Susie's antics with her Beak
Said, "Right my girl"
And in a whirl
Grounded Susie for a Week
Resenting her fate, in bed
Rebellion sparked inside her head
When all were asleep
She'd dress and creep
Though the window and escape instead
A branch near her window hung
Which to its foliage she clung
The branch was weak
And with a shriek
She fell into a pile of Dung
The house woke up only to find
Poor Susie in a dreadful Bind
She looked quite a mess
In her state of distress
That our Mother went out of her mind
"A School for young Ladies, I'll choose"
One, her wildness, I hope will defuse
And instil, at a pace,
Deportment and Grace
To refine the coarse ways of our Suz'
Packed off to be 'Finished' she went
Determined to never repent
Despite all opinions
It's just like 'St Trinians'
And for Susie, was quite an event
Susie boarded at ‘Saint Eloise’
It was there she got covered in fleas
Once she dived in a ditch
To be rid of that itch
Oh, you should see the state of her knees!
When in the first deportment class
Poor Susie fell straight on her ‘ass’
When she exposed her behind
The other girls were unkind
So Susie began passing gas
They had to open the windows and doors
Crawl about and move on all fours
To get rid of the smell
That came straight from hell
Staff told ‘Susie’ no more encores!
Her Classmates all thought it a Hoot
When she lit the gas that she'd shoot
She then vented a Storm
That Blew up her Dorm
Which got our poor Susie the Boot
She believed she should never have gone
From the ones she depended upon
With her Mission, complete
(And a Cork placed, discreet)
Susie's Home where she'll always belong.
20th January 2016
Collaboration J Allison and R Bettridge

She's Wet VII Continued
When she gives a cough or a sneeze
Some wee trickles down past her knees
Her knickers are damp
She smells like a tramp
Dashing home so nobody sees
Written by Jan
Inspired by Arthur
Continued by Mystic Rose
She does a little peepee in the bowl
Voiding her bladder is her only goal
Then out comes a fart
Fresh and a la carte
Followed by a turd down the hole!
Continued by Sey
A sigh of relief she wipes her red rear
as the monstrous turd starts to disappear
much to her surprise
it has too much size
and shoots out and hits her left ear
Continued by Steve
Dear lady of the house please don't send me to hell
I know it would get rid of that awful smell
But I have an idea for some fantastic cons
I will be a banker in stocks and bonds
And should I fail and the flush you administer
I will pop out downstream and become a Prime Minister
Continued by Nonsense Alley
Get antibacterial Wet -Ones!
Use plenty for cleaning those soiled buns
Got turd in the ear?
Please! Have little fear.
Buy Wet-Ones for poop- ear ala runs
Continued by Kimberly
Good gracious this lim'ricks a foul one!
With peepee, a fart and a brown one
Now all has been voided
Smell can't be avoided
So snap on that clothes pin for more fun!
Continued by Eve
Oh! Dear! I guess I am going to have to get some
Depends custom
made,this is just happening too often
and I’m losing too many of my good chosen
underwear in the garbage can at Wal-mart and spending a fortune

A most charming poet named Dan
Writes poems whenever he can
He is sixty today
So I’m writing to say
Happy birthday from your friend Jan
xxxxxxx
An unfortunate poet named Daniel
His huge ears made him look like a spaniel
They dangled down so low
Past his knees to his toe
The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual!
The surgeon who was in charge
He had never seen ears so large
With a nip and a tuck
Daniel was in good luck
Dashing home to show his wife Marge
POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER
13th August 2016

Author's Note: Recite the following using the rhythm and melody of "Home, home on the range where the deer and the antelope play." The first verse can be used as the refrain:
His income tax structure is strange
Donald will the needy shortchange
The overly rich
Claim their life is a bitch
For them he’ll find bucks on the range
A clear planet earth never smokes
But Trump’s cohorts grim are the Kochs
Where fossils remain
They'll tear into the plain
Fracking rigs are their dirty jokes
There's fat upon Miss USA
The Donald says queen you shall pay!
"For my regal job"
She did painfully sob
"Is rehab a roll in the hay?"
Like buffalo once were so vast
Our middle class was unsurpassed
Now they are the prey
While republicans play
And deny the climate forecast

Theme for collaboration suggested by Tim Smith
Two enormous old toads crossed the road
On Tom’s back lounged Thomasina toad
Both are ugly and warty
Thomasina’s so naughty
As her bowels on his back she’d download
06-16-17
WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON
When Thomasina toad dumped on old Tom
He thought her poop explosion was a bomb
He hopped in the air
gave her a mean stare
shouting, "I'm not taking you home to Mom!"
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
Ribbit rubbit robbit 'n ro
this crazy toad has got to go
She's turning quite mean -
Fifty shades of green
No time to chat but still does crow
WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH
"Why don't we do it in the road?"
Said Thomas, the old horny toad
Thomasina hissed,
"Get a load of this!"
and a "blessing" on him bestowed
WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
Thomasina was on a road trip
Her taxi was Tom's back she'd grip
But she strained as she held
And her bottom expelled
So she said "I've just left you a tip"
WRITTEN BY RAY GRIDLEY
Tom and Thomasina were the perfect pair
They were ancient toads without a care
He had a huge wart
She gives a mean fart
Anyone in her vicinity better beware!
WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y
Now Tom was an over achiever
He wanted the lady, not leave her
He sprayed his back with Scotch-Guard
and rubbed down with lots of lard
the dumper was now the receiver
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Tom gave Thomasina the boot
Got sick from the smell of her poot
told her to get lost
right after he tossed
She gave him the one finger salute
WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER
Thomas and Thomasina loved to hear
the waterboatmen rubbing their gear
Thomas tried and started to croak
causing Thomasina to choke
you two will never get it right I fear
WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS
When T'sina hopped on for a ride
Old Thomas reminded his bride,
"Though you're my sweet dish,
on the road we'll get squished",
"Just do it!" was her terse reply.
WRITTEN BY CRAIG CORNISH
Thomasina and Tom a heavy load
Lingered a little too long on the road
He could have kissed her all night
shocked at the oncoming lights
Croak and ribbit was heard; two flattened toads
WRITTEN BY EVE ROPERPLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY SUBMISSIONS FOR THE COLLABORATION
06-16-17

There was a young man from Rangoon
Who built a rocket and flew to the moon
But His rocket booster failed
Now i'm stuck here he wailed
He wont be coming home anytime soon.
Written 10th April 2018
For limerick contest sponsored by Viv Wigley.

Pipped to the post!
Neil Armstrong shot off to the moon
Strapped into a cosmic cocoon.
He came to renown
When one foot went down
Ahead of poor Buzz -what a boon!
But as they returned to home base,
Buzz had a big smile on his face.
For there on the sea
Of tranquility
He'd aced the first 'selfie' in space!
21/08/18
celebrity limerick contest entry
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin

He stepped to the plate and spit on his han's.
He spit doffing his cap to cheering fans.
Gave his privates a scratch
Spit another huge batch,
Then knocked a home run clean outta the stan's!
Robert LHinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
Entry for Debbie Guzzi's "Batter Up" Contest

A fisherman sat with line all lank
perched on crooked stool that soon sank
backside now all mud covered
his face an embarrassed red
off home he went with his pants all dank.
11/13/2014
contest: limericks clean and clever

Last week featured poetic Drama
Like living at home with your momma
Poetic, inspiration
Perhaps taken vacation
So watch your P’s, your Q’s and comma
Jack’s Sprat had the nastiest critic
Mary said, “You just better quit it!”
Jack said, “I may as well split!”
Mary’s mad enough to spit
Soup is family, don’t you get it!!!!
So be kind to your critics
Often times they don’t get it
Write loving features
Appease mad creatures
Write of love or forget it
++++++++++++++++++++
For and in honor of Carol Brown
And contest: Write it for yourself

Heard them say that I’m off to the vet
It’s for my annual booster you bet
He is fetching the lead
Here he comes yes indeed
And into the car I do get
I do not like the car very much
Travel sickness I get just a touch
If they take me to far
I’ll be sick in this car
But I just can’t help it as such
We arrive at the vets safe and sound
I drag slowly for this I have found
It’s a waste of time
Going to the vets is a crime
I’d rather be back in the pound
Now there putting me on the scale
The nurse says I’m as fat as a whale
This is no fun
I just want to run
But alas I must sit on my tail
At last I’m led into that room
I know that it not for a groom
They lift me on the table
For to climb I’m not able
At last I fear it is doom
The vet has moved round behind
That thermometer looks none to kind
He says it won’t hurt
In a manner that’s curt
Now the thermometer they cannot find
Next it’s the jab in the neck
I could bite him but what the heck
It’s all over now
It’s much worse for a cow
As I leave the surgery I wreck
Then just as I’m off to the door
I hear the vet say one thing more
He needs more exercise
To decrease his size
To hell with that that’s for sure
So back in the car to go home
I feel my mouth starting to foam
Then I’m sick on the floor
Someone open the door
In this car I just hate to roam
Now free of the car I need the loo
The fresh green grass will do
As I open my bowel
The smell is quite fowl
The thermometers there in my pooh
So home again I will take to my chair
Relax and unwind as is fair
Too much stress for today
Just want to sleep and lay
For the exercise I just do not care
So my trip to the vet I’ve relayed
My owner took me and has paid
So leave me in peace
All wrapped up in my fleece
For my sleep has to long been delayed

This househusband washing his pants
In pockets he must at least glance
If there’s money involved
It might get dissolved
And ruin his future finance
I thought working from home was a snap
And I’d even have time for a nap
But she makes me do chores
Like the laundry and floors
Now this working from home is all crap
Do we post this on Poetry Soup
Let your poetry pals in on the poop
That you street cred’s been stripped
That you’re now “kitty” whipped
And you’ve joined a househusband group
Mdailey 11/10/11
I wrote this for Joe Flach and he even gave me permission to post this saying he did not think his reputation could get any more damaged that it already is.

I've been getting to know really well
my new friend with so much to tell.
We've got similar work
and we share the same quirk:
Our sore bodies are giving us hell!
by Andrea Dietrich
For her friendship I'm in her debt.
Though I like Soup, it's not home yet.
So with her kind words
I feel like I'm heard
And not a nobody poet
by Susan Burch

I am a basset hound and I love to play
I can run and jump all day
I really love magic and tricks
I also love chocolate bics
Yummy! They are so good
I would eat a packet a day if I could
My name is Lady and here is a story all about me
I'm a funny looking dog you see:
Lady was home alone
All she had was her green plastic bone
Her owners had gone out for the day
And Lady really wanted to play
Miserable, she lay on the ground with her long floppy ears
With watery eyes, it seemed as though she was about to burst into tears
Suddenly she perked up when she heard a squeaking sound coming from the house
Lady became excited, she hoped it was a mouse
She barked out loud and ran towards the sound
Lady was such a clever basset hound
With her long nose, she sniffed out the little mouse in his hiding place
The whole morning turned into a playful ‘dog and mouse’ chase!
The mouse was too fast for her and escaped through a small crack in the wall
He was terrified of this funny looking dog who stood two feet tall
Exhausted, Lady flopped down in her basket to rest
She had tried her very, very best
She closed her eyes and had a long nap
And dreamt that she managed to squeeze through the scary dog flap
When Lady woke up, her throat felt dry
She needed a gallon of water to drink and she alone knew why!
The sun was shining and it was hot
She found her bowl and gulped down the lot
Lady looked at the new dog flap
She lifted up one of her paws and gave it a sharp tap
She took a chance and pushed herself through the gap
Relief flooded through her, she had made it out of the flap
Out in the sun
It was time for more fun
Lady headed to the beach
It wasn’t far, within her reach
Calm blue sea with the tiniest of waves
Grottos and amazing caves
Lady’s paw marks were all over the sand
She loved to play by the sea and on land
Cool air blew around her as she splashed around in the sea
What a great feeling it was to be free!
The aroma of food was all around
She was always hungry, this hilarious hound
An ice-cream van was parked nearby
Lady drooled and just stood by
A young couple spotted the little dog sitting down on her own
Her sad brown eyes caught their attention, they each bought her a cone
Lady wished that she could shout
She clenched both cones in her mouth
She licked off the chocolate ice-cream and wolfed down the rest

His life is an Epic story in a tragic playlet
He is the one person who opens wares an hour after the market
He comes to town a day after the fair
Running back home with the aim of catching a wild breed Hare
He "holds hard" after the shot has left the gun
He locks the stable after the herd is all gone
He won't die, though he is of no use alive
His life, like that of a typical dreamer who carries water in a sieve
He is MrEverything married to MrsNothing
They are born to rest and they are living to sleep
Both of them, a typical breed of StJudas
They cover their well after their children are drowned and left in the deep
They are always busy ploughing the air when their field is waist high in weed
Busy! They are at the old farm
Bringing up buckets of water
After the last pillar of thier house is burnt down
Still, they realize not that they are a living corpse.

We two Indians went to the hotel Storartad Sweden
And ate lots of Munkers , Æbleskiver and Poffertjespan
Coming back home we landed well on a chapatti
Kuzhi paniyaram Daal Sabji Bhaji and Roti
And a Japanese Takoyaki all they are love cuisines man

Morning bed
Sheets tightly tucked
One pillow crumpled
There once was a gal named Linda
Oh the marriages she did get inta
Try as they would to be as they should
They never could even begin ta
Wanting a home intensely evolved into creations of delusion
Life broke through, one let go, in freedom lay the solution
For the Divorce Club Contest

A men only poem, well I never-
that is something odd, for a start
submissions from men
who pick noses and then
will polish it off with a fart.
We undress like drunken mime artists
look like we get dressed in the dark
steer cars like we're swimmin'
and then complain women
do not have a clue how to park.
Our cooking skills are just amazing
we're known for our barbecue fame
coz we somehow have learnt
just which food has been burnt
when it's black it all looks just the same
Our acting is worthy of Oscars
or any such Thespian cup
stagger home fully juiced
with some drunken excuse
but we still avoid getting beat up
In beachwear we are an Adonis
our styling choices are quite bold
from speedos so weeny
to full on Mankinis
...it's small coz the water's too cold....
The world would be worse off without us
devoid of intelligent life
there's nothing to rival
our power of survival
except for the girlfriend.
Or wife.
She told me to put that bit in.
Yes, dear.
I'll be right there.
Submitted with my missus' grudging permission for contest 'Men only #2,
sponsored by Kelly Deschler
July 16th 2015

One ticket admission to my home z o o!
SO many creatures, don’t know what to do-
a turtle and a bunny,
a stinky pug so funny,
a Golden Retriever who lost a s c r e w!
The bunny likes smelling the dog’s behinds,
too bad he will NEVER know what he’ll find!
a grossly dingle-berry,
something hairy and scary,
“GO find a carrot you’re way out of line!”
The pug snuffles and snorts through out the night,
then I’m yawning while I’m struggling to write-
the turtle has a long neck,
I’m always like, “WHAT THE HECK?”
then he basks while choking on a termite!
You may think my family is distressed,
and maybe we NEVER get any rest-
a million bucks I won’t take,
we have a bond that WON'T break,
we do love our z o o that’s quite picturesque!
Syllable Count: 10-10-7-7-10
Animal Antics Contest
Sponsor: Shadow Hamilton
Dedicated to my beautiful zoo:Bo-my sweet Golden Retriever age 11 (dying of cancer :(....)
Mugsy-my stinky Pug age 12
Lucky-my white fluffy bunny age 3
Pebbles-my long-necked turtle age 2
Date Written: August 18, 2016

There was once was a lady from town
Who wore a halo like a crown
Told her daughter-in-law
Dresses should wear like squaw
Wore one to work and naked frowned
The loom grabbed her dress and wham bam
Naked from the waist down~life in jam
Supervisor gave coat
Took her home and I quote
"I put my blue jeans on grand slam"
My mother was a very stern believer that women should wear dresses..
My brother married late in life and his wife worked in the weaving department..
She did a job called filling batteries..She had to walk between the looms to do
her job..They had suggested to the women that they should wear tight fitting
pants or blue jeans..To please my mother she made her a new dress and wore
it to work..First thing, it got caught..It ripped it and her slip off..She was left
standing naked.
Sponsor: Black Eyed Susan
Contest: Any New Limerick

They drank too much at a watering hole
Three gals lost their wits, went out of control
Men ogled and flirted
Desires so perverted
The girls checked out before meeting each troll
But three liters of wine quickly passed through
So their journey home went a bit askew
Their kidneys had been filled
An urgency instilled
They needed release, but there was no loo
As they coasted up the seaside highway
All three were suffering in much dismay
They had to park the car
Alongside a “wet bar”
On a rock jetty the trio did stray
They complained how easy it was for men
Jan wished she was a rooster, not a hen
With their backs to the sea
Pants down, they took a pee
Before they got home, they did it again
* Based on a college experience and written May 11, 2014

We’re not called upon to choose anything we live through;
Neither parent nor sibling nor school nor form of sinew;
Neither colour of hair or eye or skin,
Nor love or hate, nor loss or gain
Nor opportunities nor whence we comeSo much is true.
But as much as this truth I hold as true as sunlight,
I know that painful times will time to time alight
When with bitter phlegm you curse
The earth where you breathed first
And wish your day of birth were scratched by He with might.
I knowSame feelings have plagued my adult soul
And the wish for better home to make each day whole
Has been dashed by shameful news,
Where Hope, seeing Hitler, and 94’s Hutus,
Needs to hide its youth to stall the death toll.
But amidst pain, hate and bottled despair rife
There’s the rare love, innocent and hardly grasping to life.
For here, we can give our all
When we choose to keep you from a fall.
We really do it: humble, loving…just like the Lord’s life.
Yes, it’s easier to perceive the weeds in one’s garden
For the pastures beyond gleam in our myopia, hiding their burden.
And seeing that weed can cast a shadow
On all that’s sweet, but cause much ado
About the bitter parts, and it day by day your heart will harden.
Think of the evening breeze on the night grill,
Feeding the flames of a delicious family fish meal.
Think of hitting the unadulterated
Lands of hills where ancient rivers percolated
And happy goats skip, and cattle graze and one can feel
Life whizzing through rustling leaves of dancing old tree or reed,
Playing the music our ancestors learned to read,
Making your lungs touch their purpose,
Dazzling your eyes like a Jabbawockeez pose,
The music we’ve forgotten as we focus on some RSS feed.
Think of the youths wise with tradition re-enacting solemnly
The dances and music handed down from before when Ptolemy
Phrased ancient philosophical data,
To the time of the expansive empire of Sundiatta
Beads stomping the dust frantically in musical poetry.
Picture the pure darkness which crowds the silent night air,
Unveiling the marvellous dotted and scattered there
In the moonlit heavenly canvas,
Watching us from light years past,
And we fascinated by the sparkling magic they share.
So to sum it all up, I know it cannot be perfect,
And sometimes I rant and make massive graffiti of its defects,
But this home my parents chose
Still draws my spirit close,
For the bond is deeper, far deeper than human senses can detect.
(c) Nyonglema

A young broad was bored in Manhattan
So got dressed in outrageous fashion
She looked so out of place
Wearing satin and lace
When a cop shocked her with his baton
The cop was amazed by her attire
Many men were filled with desire
She was such an arresting sight
That much to her delight
He took her home to warm up by the fire
6th December 2015

I had a great job
I had a pretty girl
I was moving up
Slowly in this world
Had a good position
In the factory
And was working
For a very good salary
Then comes the war
And things got tough
They close the factory
And at home it got rough
I thought that her love
Was my umbrella
And when there’s bad weather
In her arms I would shelter
And umbrella can do a lot
When you are in the rain
It can keep you dry
Until the sun comes out again
For me it seems like hard times
Had just began to pour
And my pretty umbrella
Had holes I never seen before
The fancy dinners we had
Now become burger king
And I guess she never love me
Just the gifts I would bring
And I brought home a pizza
And she didn’t take a slice
And when I try to hug her
Her arms were cold as ice
One day she went out
And she never came back
And when I look in the closet
She took every last rack
But what can I do
Sure I’m not the only one
Who lost their job?
And their woman was gone
Always know I had an umbrella
Now I don’t know what to say
When comes the rain
She just up an flew away
But I know the time will change
And so will the weather
And one day there will be some one
Who wants me to be their umbrella?

My hubby came home with a grin
Said “I’ve booked us a trip to Turin”
I found my bikini
it looked oh so teeny
now I’m fasting to fit myself in
I cut out the chocolate and cake
well apart from one tiny mistake
on my diet of pear
gently poached in fresh air
I should soon be as thin as a rake
But my efforts were sadly in vain
My wobbly bits were for stayin
They just wouldn’t budge
So I brought out the fudge
ate it all, now I’m praying for rain

While you were out I started to think.
I thought so hard that it drove me to drink.
I drank so much that I fell on the floor
And when I got up I fell through the door
I rolled off the porch and into the grass
And onto a nail that stuck in my ass.
I screamed in horror as I ran for the house
And as I ran in I tripped on a mouse.
As I was flying all up in the air
I landed atop my wife’s favorite chair.
The chair was now broken and fell to the floor
at the same moment that she walked through the door
When I woke up I was outside my home
and staring right into the face of a gnome.
So if you ever sit down to think
don’t ever let it drive you to drink.

Light ribbons in one eye we fear
Precede headache pain that's severe
Drug firms clearly bribe
Physicians to prescribe
Migraine meds but I'll imbibe beer
Authors Note: If you are in a safe place (not driving or operating machinery), this home remedy could be better than what the doctor ordered I keep a few medicinal bottles ready in the fridge for just such an emergency Lime is optional.
The clinical trial: An authentic "migraine" headache is accompanied by blood vessel constrictionThere can be 15 to 30 minutes of shimmering lights in one eye followed by a headache from hell Having learned that alcohol dilates blood vessels, one day I tried chugging a beer just after the shimmering started The lights subsided and there was no headache Beer just may be the second best medicine ever created

Please be quiet! Our class teacher said
Pupils giggled, my face flushed bright red
I was so broken hearted
I’d just let rip and farted
That I ran out the classroom and fled
The teacher followed me down the hall
Said please don’t be embarrassed at all …
At home that happens to me
I blame my pet dog you see
Great idea miss… I’ll give dad a call
I rang him saying dad can we talk
Told him my story – he soon did baulk
Think of the costly vets fees
It’ll be covered with fleas
His solution …I’ll buy you a cork!
Time to B Contest – Sponsor Casarah Nance
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