Sunday, December 2, 2012

5 things I don't want for Christmas

I incline to the Tim Minchin view of Christmas gifts (the socks, jocks and chocs approach). I also rather fancy the idea I don't need any more stuff so nothing is fine. Failing that, if it isn't covering in chocolate or enables me to purchase a book of my own selection, please don't. Or you could buy someone a goat - I hope it is not a stroppy one.

Nevertheless here is a list of things that could be given to me that would give me the roaring heebies.

1 Clothes. You are unlikely to get my size right. If you did, it will probably be designed for someone shorter. I am particular about colour, cut, fabric choice and pattern (generally no to the last point). Essentially, I am a fussy fussy bastard. Please don't buy me clothes.*

2 Books. I have no idea what I am going to read next. How could anyone else possibly know?

3 Small electrical kitchen implements. Do I look like I am made of bench space? I am happy with the current toaster. I do not desire one that has egg-cooking pretensions.

4 Jewellery, scent, makeup, skin goop, etc. See 1. re fussy bastard-ness. Further, I am one of the least adorned people on the planet. I am clean and I try to keep my hair from looking like I just crawled out of a bush (its natural style, along with some seasonal fuzz). That is pretty much the limit of my endeavors. Take it or leave it people.

5 Cookbooks. Now you would think you are on a winner here. I have 2 shelves of them and I do like to cook. Possibly a trap for new players. The last two big, expensive cookbooks I have been given I have given away. My shelves are full. In order to take on a new book, it has to be more interesting and desirable than the ones I already have. Not an easy ask.

Interestingly, I will probably get at least 3 of these 5. Oh well, it is the thought that counts and someone will enjoy them.

That is one giant chocolate doobie for the top of the Black Forest Cake

*That being said, a friend's mother bought her something that didn't suit her so she gave it to me on spec. I had a peek and thought, "not my colour: I hate sleeveless". But I took it home and tried it on. For exactly the same reason it didn't suit her it suited me flawlessly. I wore it on a rare date with the husb. He had to take a moment to get over my more sophisticated look. He also probably breathed out when I told him I had not been out buying expensive ensembles. This is the first time in my life (43 and counting) a gifted item of clothes has worked out for me. It may happen again but I doubt I'll make it to 86.