Chapter Two

The bus inched through the Curry
Mile.This was the toughest part of the
journey by far.Little progress was made
and Ryan was disappointed every time he looked out of the window and saw that
the scenery had scarcely changed.He
tried to concentrate on the lyrics of the song he was listening to, but he
found himself struggling.He was
preoccupied mainly by thoughts of a better life; a cross between any vague
aspirations he held to make something of himself and wistful memories of what
he believed may have been the best years of his life.Even though the weekend had been great, it
had been nothing novel or genuinely exciting.Not like how it had been.

Things
had changed forever.Jake and Rhianna
had hastily moved on in life, so they wouldn’t be part of any future
house-sharing plans.They had become an
item after much cajoling and deliberating in the second year, and had surprised
everyone by getting married less than a year after graduation and moving to
Somerset, where Rhianna had grown up.They hadn’t returned to Manchester since they left.If those that knew the group at uni found out
that Jake and Rhianna didn’t contact them much these days, they would be
astounded.They had hopped onto career
ladders and failed to keep in touch.

Ryan
had been surprised by how little he had missed them being around.Proximity had obviously been an important part
of their friendship, and it didn’t matter how much you wanted things to remain
static, it was impossible to prevent change.And when things did change, you adapt, and you try to make things better
for yourself.There were enough people
around to keep things interesting, and in no time Jake and Rhianna barely
cropped up in conversation.Everything
was just fine without them.If Ryan
thought hard enough, he could minimise their importance in the shared history
of the group.Those that remained had
remained far more important to him, and they continued to make their
friendships worthwhile.They had
monumental bonds; Jake and Rhianna were insignificant.They had moved onto the real world, whilst
the rest stayed in Neverland.

Ryan
opened his eyes with a start.He hadn’t
noticed himself drift off; his thoughts had appeared continuous, but he
couldn’t account for the progress of the journey and the sudden departure of
most of his fellow passengers.He felt
groggier than he had all day, and his eyes were weighed down with the sum total
of his extravagances.His music was
still playing, but he couldn’t remember the last song he was consciously
listening to.He glanced out of the
window, struggling to place where he was on his journey.It took longer than it should have to become
clear.He was two stops from home.Sleep had been a useful refuge on this
particular journey, even if he hadn’t been aware that he was doing it.Ryan placed his book in his bag having made
next to no progress on it since he left home that morning.He was sure he could make a better effort
tomorrow.

The
day had crept along painfully from the outset, so Ryan hoped that it would at
least have the good grace to do the same for the evening session.The time after he clocked off always seemed
to ebb away rather too quickly and soon he would be back at his desk going
through the same motions again, preferably feeling a little better than he did
right now.It was the sensation that
dogged Ryan daily.It was the feeling
that life and opportunity were slipping away.The feeling that he couldn’t commit to any one cause because he just
didn’t believe in it enough.

Ryan
left the bus, mumbling a thank you to the driver that wasn’t returned.He ceased thinking at this point.The walk home was an auto-pilot affair.He had anticipated this part of the day for
quite some time.Three alley-ways and a
right turn and he was home.He was no
longer required to function and Ryan couldn’t help but feel grateful about
that.He was less grateful at the
prospect of facing his mother.She would
be home by now and distinctly unimpressed by his demeanour.She would be in the living room catching up
on the latest news bulletin, checking to see if she’d missed out on
anything.She would be missing Ryan’s
father, who was away at another conference for the night.Ryan expected her to take this out on his
appearance.

It
was the familiarity of it all that saddened Ryan.Most nights he would return to his parents
home, the noise of the news emanating from the living room to the right of the
front door, the smell of dinner coming from the kitchen directly in front of
him.It was Tuesday, so it would be some
sort of fry-up. His mother would call out, asking if it were him, knowing that
of course it would be.She’d ask after
his day and he would say the same thing.It was alright.It was always
alright.Even if it had been amazing or
diabolical, he had no desire to share the details.So alright had to do.Ryan’s weekend comedown accentuated all that
was staid and boring about his life; how formulaic and derisory it had all
become.

He
opened the door.TV news and a
fry-up.The cat brushed passed his legs
and made him jump a little.He wasn’t
well.And he just didn’t have the heart
to go and speak with his mother just yet.

“Is
that you Ryan?”

He
slunk up the stairs; if she challenged him he would just say that he hadn’t
heard her over the headphones, and then she could pick him up on how loud he
must have had the volume.He would speak
with her later.A quick change of
clothes and a ten minute lie down and he’d be ready to face her.Perhaps a shave as well.That could only help.He heard her call his name again, and he
ignored her, a slight pang of guilt doing nothing to change his mind.

He
closed his bedroom door behind him.He
shut his eyes and allowed himself to be overcome with relief that the tough
part of the day was at last over.He
could have slept through until morning from that point, he was sure.And he would feel great about it as
well.At the very least, the world and
its demands could wait until tomorrow, and that was enough for the moment.Ryan loved his bedroom.It was the one avenue of familiarity that he
appreciated.It was his own personal
space, and he had worked hard to make it as glorious as he could.His personality dripped from the walls and
the ceiling, every factor a conscious representation of who Ryan believed he
was.He had managed to make it his own
when he had moved back in after University, removing all elements of his
pre-uni self and flooding the space with who he was by the time he
graduated.

Ryan
opened his eyes and scoured the room, suddenly at a loss at what to do next.