So why are we profiling Joseph Stalin? It turns out that some antisemitic websites are trying to spread rumors that he was a Jew. Apparently, the "Dzhuga" part of his original last name, Dzhugashvili, means "Jew" in Georgian.

Now, we don't claim to be experts in Georgian. But what we do know is that the Georgian word for "Jews" is transcribed as "Ebraelebi", about as far from "Dzhuga" as one can get.

But let's play devil's advocate. Let's say that the antisemites' claim is true. Since when is last name alone enough to prove one's ethnicity? Go back a few dozen profiles, and you'll meet Paula Abdul. With a last name like that, she must be a Muslim! Of course, she is not. She is 100% Jewish, even with that name.

So flimsy idiotic worthless attempts aside, there is absolutely nothing that would make anyone with a brain think that Stalin was Jewish. Quite the opposite: close to his death, Stalin hatched a plot to purge all Jewish doctors. Yes, that sounds like the actions of someone secretly Jewish!

Not.

What's more, growing up, Stalin attended seminary; Joseph's mother wanted him to be a priest. Yes, that's a real Jewish mother all right: "oh Yossi, eat your lox and bagels, so you can grow up strong and become the Patriarch of all Russia!"

Bleh. Well, at least we got to mention Joseph Stalin and Paula Abdul in the same profile.