Tiger Woods

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Explaining that the pressures of their day-to-day commitments had given them no other choice but to end their three-year relationship, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn released a joint statement Wednesday blaming their breakup on their hectic sex lives.

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Ending months of speculation and rumors, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn announced on their personal Facebook pages Monday that they are an ordinary couple into incredibly perverse, bizarre, and degrading sexu...

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to fine-tune his mechanics after returning from a recent back surgery, golf star Tiger Woods told reporters at the PGA Championship Wednesday that he is currently working on building a new swing that doesn’t send waves of intense pain through every single inch of his body.

BEAVERTON, OR—Nike CEO Mark Parker officially announced Thursday that the company had agreed to a multi-year endorsement deal with golfer Tiger Woods that includes a new signature line of sex toys and erotic apparel. “We are thrilled to contin...

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—During the trophy presentation at this year’s Players Championship, tournament winner Tiger Woods told the assembled crowd that he struck the ball well the entire week, that since his public meltdown four years ago his li...

FAIRMONT, WV—In an announcement that has caused the golfer to lose further endorsement deals and degraded his already meager public esteem, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration released a report Monday citing a West Virginia coal mine o...

PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL—The huge upsurge in golfing among black youth that Tiger Woods' success most likely initiated in the mid-1990s probably should have inspired thousands of young African-Americans, all of whom really ought to have turned up by n...

HOUSTON—In a study published Monday, several representatives from the Institute of Sports Psychology advanced the theory that Tiger Woods' recent string of poor performances may be directly tied to all the crazy shit he's gone through over the past ...

AKRON, OH—Tiger Woods scored a career-worst 18-over-par finish at the Bridgestone Invitational Sunday, officially hitting rock bottom if one ignores the fact that he is worth over $600 million, is still the world's No.

PEBBLE BEACH, CA—Overcome by problems in his personal life, an inability to get his golf game in order, and his foundering public image, Tiger Woods broke out into uncontrollable sobs on the fifth tee of the U.S.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

Tiger Woods Sucks Now, Reports U.S. Department Of Guys At The Bar

WASHINGTON—During a six-hour committee hearing Sunday at McKenzie's Pub on 14th and G Streets, the U.S. Department of Guys at the Bar issued a scathing report on the state of Tiger Woods' golf game, declaring the 14-time major champion "washed up," his swing "for shit," and his putting ability "a fucking joke." "He's done," Assistant Secretary of Guys at the Bar Jake Shroyer said in his closing floor remarks, just before the committee ruled 11-0 that all that pussy fucked up Woods' chances of breaking Jack Nicklaus' majors record. "[Undersecretary of Guys at the Bar Edward] Davis over there was like, 'Just wait till he plays St. Andrews. He fucking tears up St. Andrews.' What do you think now, Davis? He sucks, right?" The Department of Guys at the Bar later issued a joint statement with the Department of Dudes Just Hangin' Out that Elin Nordegren was still hot as shit.