Histrionic means dramatic. With these vampires everything’s a show, and what you see is seldom what you get. They crave attention and approval and will do anything to get them, except making good on their promises.

HAMS live to put on a show. If you don't pay enough attention they'll, they'll just shrivel up and die. It will be your fault.

LOOK FOR: Sexual stereotypes, and highly noticeable looks that can change overnight according to whim, or remain the same for years through the magic of cosmetic surgery. Histrionics have big hair, big muscles, big emotions and not the tiniest clue of who they really are.

DRAW YOU IN WITH: Charm, beauty, talent, the promise of sex (often unfulfilled), or whatever else it takes to get noticed, except for substance. DRAIN YOU BY: Needing more maintenance than a classic car or a rare orchid, but having almost nothing to give back save an occasional great performance.

THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Celebrity wannabes and drama queens (and kings) whose emotions are a mile wide and an inch deep.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVES long for approval so much that they hide any part of themselves that anyone would disapprove of, especially anger and sexuality.

LOOK FOR: Bright smiles, blatant denial, and more than a passing resemblance to Barbie or Ken

DRAW YOU IN WITH: Being nice, friendly, cheerful, enthusiastic, brave, clean, and reverent.

DRAIN YOU BY: Attacks that everyone else sees, but they never acknowledge, or by simply being too forgetful to give you what they promise. Or maybe they're sick with some vague and undiagnosible illness.

THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: People who never get angry themselves, but seem to make everybody else angry. “Unintentional” sexual harassers, Church Ladies who cast stones, pure and perfect anorexics, or anyone else who would never think of doing anything unacceptable.

DEFENSIVE STRATEGY:First and foremost, never try to get Passive-Aggressives to admit to their own motivation; you will only get a headache. Remember that they hunger for approval. Tell them explicitly what it takes to please you and praise them profusely when they do it. The strategy is simple and almost foolproof, but it is seldom employed because it's hard to praise somebody who gives you headaches. Hard as it is, it's far easier than the alternative.

LIVING A SOAP OPERA:

THE HISTRIONIC VAMPIRE CHECKLIST

True or false? Score one point for each trueanswer.

1. THIS PERSON USUALLY STANDS OUT IN A CROWD BY VIRTUE OF LOOKS, DRESS, OR PERSONALITY.

2. THIS PERSON IS FRIENDLY, ENTHUSIASTIC, ENTERTAINING AND ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS.

3. THIS PERSON TREATS SUPERFICIAL ACQUAINTANCES AS IF THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS.

4. THIS PERSON MAY BECOME VISIBLY UPSET WHEN FORCED TO SHARE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

5. THIS PERSON FREQUENTLY CHANGES HIS OR HER STYLE OF DRESS AND OVERALL LOOK.

6. THIS PERSON LOVES TO TALK, GOSSIP, AND TELL STORIES.

7. THE STORIES USUALLY BECOME MORE EXAGGERATED AND DRAMATIC WITH EACH RETELLING.

8. THIS PERSON HAS A GOOD FASHION SENSE, BUT PERHAPS A BIT TOO MUCH CONCERN WITH HIS OR HER APPEARANCE.

9. THIS PERSON CAN BECOME VERY UPSET OVER RELATIVELY SMALL SOCIAL SLIGHTS.

10. THIS PERSON SELDOM ADMITS TO BEING ANGRY, EVEN WHEN HIS OR HER ANGER IS QUITE APPARENT TO OTHER PEOPLE.

11.THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE MEMORY FOR DAY TO DAY DETAILS.

12. THIS PERSON BELIEVES IN SUPERNATURAL ENTITIES, LIKE ANGELS, DEITIES, OR BENEVOLENT SPIRITS WHO REGULARLY INTERVENE IN EVERYDAY LIFE.

13. THIS PERSON HAS ONE OR MORE UNUSUAL AILMENT THAT COMES AND GOES ACCORDING TO NO DISCERNABLE PATTERN.

14. THIS PERSON HAS SOME PROBLEMS DOING REGULAR CHORES LIKE PAPERWORK, HOUSECLEANING, OR PAYING BILLS.

15. THIS PERSON HAS BEEN KNOWN TO GET SICK TO AVOID DOING SOMETHING UNPLEASANT.

16. THIS PERSON FERVENTLY FOLLOWS SEVERAL TELEVISION SHOWS OR SPORTS TEAMS.

17. THIS PERSON'S COMMUNICATION, THOUGH HIGHLY COLORED, IS OFTEN INDIRECT AND VAGUE.

18. THIS PERSON REQUIRES MORE MAINTENANCE THAN A RARE ORCHID, BUT BELIEVES HE OR SHE IS THE EASIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO GET ALONG WITH.

19. THIS PERSON OFTEN SEEMS SEDUCTIVE, WHETHER HE OR SHE WOULD ADMIT TO IT OR NOT.

20. DESPITE ALL THE PROBLEMS, THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS IN DEMAND, AND MORE POPULAR THAN I COULD EVER HOPE TO BE.

Scoring:Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Histrionic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Histrionic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, be careful that you don't inadvertently join the cast of his or her soap opera.