In your experience, what are the three most important aspects to having a successful marriage?

There are many different opinions about what makes a marriage work. What, in your own experience, is important for the best chance of success? You can list what you’ve personally experienced or things you’ve learned from experts or friends. Give at least three examples.

Nov 16 2011:
Marry someone you love. Someone who brings constant peace to your mind and joy to your heart.
Marry someone who patiently and lovingly endures your difficult behaviours (we all have them) and never gives up trying to help you become better. Do the same for them.
Absolutely and totally reject the idea of divorce. This leaves you only one option for dealing with problems (again, we all have them) . . . . . work them out together!

Comment deleted

Nov 27 2011:
Well, Don, if you are going to limit yourself to one friend you picked the right one!Here is a reference to an account similar to yours regarding the sudden departure of a wife. This story includes an explanation of the purpose of it all. Perhaps you will relate. You will find it in the Bible, in the 24th chapter of the book of the prophet Ezekiel, starting at verse 15 and going to the end of the chapter.

Oct 28 2011:
Hi Anwar,
If we percieve communications to be "boring", that is the reality we create. How about believing that there is always something new and interesting to learn about your partner? I believe that we change with time, and there is always something new and different we may discover if we are open to really listening.

My x-husband and I were married for 24 years, and he always believed that he "knew" me, so he didn't listen when I wanted to talk about how I changed over the years. He "knew" me as a 20 year old women, and that is the "knowing" he wanted to stay with throughout our marriage. That was the biggest reason for me wanting to divorce. I didn't want to share my life with someone who thought talking, communicating, learning and growing together was boring.

If you find communication boring, you might try some different skills. Communication is a skill and it can be learned (just like any other skill) and the better we get at it, the more fun, and meaningful it can become.

But for some, it's not really "about the words" ... my Father communicated through action. It was hard for some people to hear him. To me, he "spoke" very clearly.

Oct 30 2011:
Isn't your #3 only a way of saying that a successful marriage is a successful marriage? For me, the question is what LEADS to those awesome sexual realations. In the beginning, it's easy. All you need is a young, pretty wife who despearately wants kids with your genes in them. 25 years later, it takes something more, and I lthink that's the point where the question becomes really interesting.

As a lawyer, I've seen many marriages disintegrate. One common denominator I've learned to recognize in the bad ones, is how people complain to each other. They can be both loyal and truthful, but they still complain. In my view, a good marriage is not about having a wife who loves me as I am (hell, sometimes It would take a saint to love who I am, and I'm no saint myself), but a wife who's dedicated to helping me become the person I want to be. That's not going to happen, unless I'm just as dedicated to helping her become the person she wants to be.

Oct 28 2011:
30+ years of marriage
1. Before you you marry anyone be best friends
2. Relax their faults are not going to destroy the earth
3. Communicate openly and filter honesty with love
4. Find something you both like
5. Be honest with yourself always

Oct 28 2011:
Dear Steven,
If you honestly think that more money creates a more successful marriage...good luck with that!
Anyway, you don't need a lot of money, because you like to eat at McDonalds...LOL:>)