Spoof Space

BY STEELE CODDINGTON | APRIL 25, 2012

“Bassackwards” is a word ...

It’s amazing how recent news in the scientific world regarding a study of baboons provides a sliver of hope for people currently governed by liberal legislative majorities and/or heads of state. On the All Star list, and possible beneficiaries of the study, are financial basket cases like Argentina, Greece, Italy, Spain, California, Detroit and the rest of the United States. The sliver of hope is found in the conclusions of the latest scientific data published in the journal Science, revealing that baboons can distinguish real words to their advantage. Six baboons in the study were able to choose whether four letters were a real word or not a word. If they made the wrong choice, their failure was not rewarded. Success, picking the right word, put a tangible benefit in their hands.

What is exciting about this is the idea that if baboons can correctly distinguish words that work because they have a common sense meaning in their lives (they get fed if they pick correctly), then even the White House and Senate of the U.S. can learn to distinguish between words that work for the country and those that don’t.

Instead of Hopeless Harry Reid letting his Senate majority sit around scratching each others’ backs, chatting inane excuses for not passing a budget that could embarrass a do-nothing President, they could study words that don’t define failures like those created while they ruled both Houses of Congress and the Presidency. Words like “stimulus,” meaning “It didn’t work. It didn’t produce jobs.” If Ben the lead baboon in the study, was allowed to talk, he would point out that “Spend” is just a government word we refer to as the “baboon-spoon” – shoveling taxpayer money into programs that don’t work and don’t produce jobs. All it does is ‘spoon-up’ political pay-back for environmentalists and alternative energy debacles like Solyndra. Could we get different results by changing the word “spend” to “invest”? Didn’t one of the world’s smartest men define stupidity as “Doing things that don’t work over and over again and expecting different results?”

All my primate friends think that there is a word that defines most programs sponsored by Progressives Obama and Reid – it’s called “Bassackwards.” My grandmother explains the word as, “Hitching up the horse so he’s facing the wagon. It doesn’t work.” Another illustration that helps explain the word: “Let’s raise taxes on the rich, which includes a vast number of private sector business owners initially, and everyone eventually, to pay for excessive government spending!” Embarrassing fact: for the past 25 to 50 years when individual taxes have been raised, government revenues decline. When taxes were lowered, government revenue increased. Oh sorry, it’s about “fairness” not revenue?

The ugly question is who decides what is “fair”? Should we put our trust in a former community organizer whose social justice creed seems to embrace the idea that our problems are solved if we, “Take from those according to their ability and give to those according to their need.” Or are we better off with a written Constitution that for over 200 years has made the United States the greatest “experiment” for the pursuit of happiness and individual freedom the world has ever seen.

These are very clever!

ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald’s
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
MISTY: How golfers create divots
PARADOX: Two physicians!!
PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
POLARIZE: What penguins see with
PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!
RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government

Puzzle Solutions

April 25 – May 1, 2012
For All Signs: Some weeks there is not much fresh cosmic news, so I run a previous article that is still pertinent to us all. I have frequently written about Pluto during the last three years because it is making such prominent aspects to other planets. Pluto was reduced in stature to a “dwarf” planet by the world’s scientists. But for astrologers, this planet is one of the most powerful symbols of life, death, and transformation that we know. Whatever sign it is in represents a backdrop of our lives, both personal and collective, for many years. It entered Capricorn in late 2008 and will remain in that sign until 2024. Capricorn is the sign of business, capitalism, banks, and all traditional institutions. The havoc is clear on the globe.

Aries: The Rams will be focused on improving and applying leadership skills. Your personality profile includes natural leadership, so that is not really new. But you will be focusing attention on adding a more profound layer of management to this operation. Many will be building their own businesses and rubbing elbows with people of power.

Taurus: You will be changing your life through education, the law, or possibly international work (Internet included). Your associations with formal bodies, i.e. religious or college institutions, will alter your perspective and your outlook. Many have decided to refresh their formal education or even begin anew in a different track.

Gemini: Circumstances are changing concerning income generated through investments, partner's resources, or inheritance. This includes income outside of salary. It is important that you educate yourself in each of these areas. Some will begin to manage resources for other people. You must adopt a longer range perspective on your life.

Cancer: Many Moon Children will experience changes within their marriages. The unwritten "rules" are up for grabs. Be wary of circumstances that might lead singles to believe you must marry or take on a partnership. Others may be contemplating divorce or separation from partner(s). One or more relationships will not continue as you have known in the past.

Leo: It is important to allow your job skills or your work environment to change. The circumstances may be altered to the point that how you do your work is totally modified. You need to access new abilities. Giving better attention to your health routines will be required. Inherited physical weaknesses may be recognized so you can resolve or prevent problems.

Virgo: Those of childbearing age will feel pressed toward the next decision. Do you want a baby in your future or do you not? If babies are not the subject, then personally creative births of other kinds will beg to be noticed and experienced. For either of these areas, it will feel as though it is imperative to make something happen.

Libra: You will be making important decisions concerning property, security and family. Circumstances beyond your control may change your perspective altogether on how or where you want to live in the future. Your need to create security may pressure you to redefine your identity. You will be pressured to know yourself far more deeply than ever before. Family secrets may be uncovered.

Scorpio: Habit patterns of negative thought will be brought to the surface and eradicated. Long held beliefs require a fresh examination in order for you to move forward. It is time to add new management skills to your life. Language and communications with others will be affected and you will acquire greater power in this area. Apparent losses bring blessings in their wake.

Sagittarius: The source of your self-esteem and personal values will change in major ways. In the western world, we measure self-esteem by income and what we do for a living. This pattern of thinking will deepen and broaden for you. Some will become wealthy and others paupers. It depends upon what “lessons” you need.

Capricorn: Pluto will be traversing your sign until 2024. During that period you will come to know yourself more deeply than you might have thought possible. Many will concentrate upon growing their personal power and influence. You must maintain your high-minded principles, lest powers greater than you send you toppling.

Aquarius: Truths of your history that you may never have known or acknowledged will bubble to the surface to help you mature. Some may encounter old family skeletons that make a lot of difference in how you perceive your life story. Old mysteries and shadows will come to light and shift from unconscious enemies to far more conscious friends.

Pisces: Your perspective will alter dramatically concerning your sense of community and contacts. You will prefer to seek out the relationship(s) that have the potential for depth. Beware of overly intense persons or organizations who want to take over your life and use your energy. The Fish, who always think they are invisible, will be surprised to discover they have more influence than they ever imagined.

Are you interested in a personal horoscope? Vivian Carol may be reached at 704-366-3777 for private psychotherapy or astrology appointments. (There is a fee.) Visit www.horoscopesbyvivian.com