October 10, 2011

On having a girl . . .

It's no secret that I've had mixed feelings on having a girl. I really, honestly thought I was having another boy, and at the moment the ultrasound tech typed "it's a g-" on the screen, it was as if my life flashed before my eyes. I just wasn't prepared for it. I'm a little bit scared of having a girl. This is true.

But Someone I was talking to recently said, "I know you wanted her to be a boy, but you'll love having a girl." I feel like I need to clear that up.

I was hoping for a boy, because that's what I know and what I'm comfortable with. But I want this little girl to be who she is. A girl. Not a boy. I love her already for who she is. I do NOT wish she was a boy.

After we announced we were having a daughter, we had a lot of well meaning people say a lot of really dumb things about how much more I'll love having a daughter than a son. And how she'll stay with me and won't leave me like the boys will. Seriously? I wanted to do the internet equivalent of punching some of them in the nose.

I think my fear of having a girl is more of a fear of having a teenage girl than anything else. Who will teach her to do all of the things I'm inept at. Will we fight over modest clothing and boys that she wants to go out with and why I won't let her wear a bikini? I fear that she'll be completely different than I am. I fear that she'll be exactly like I am.

But just like with the boys, I'm convinced that this world needs her. Whoever she becomes.

We've given her the name Claire. Kyle and I went back and forth on several names and finally had it down to 2 names. Claire was his first choice, and even though I had another name in mind, I loved it and agreed that it was perfect. The middle name is yet to be determined.