May 29, 2012

Avoidance Shift (Ben/Joey)

Ben gritted his teeth when he heard another cupboard door bang in the
kitchen. Whatever had the poor doors done to be treated this way?

After his visit with Dora yesterday, Joey had been quieter than
usual. It set Ben's inner Joey-in-distress-alert off. Since then Ben
had kept a very close eye on his partner.

Today Joey sulked, stomped, glared and only answered in one or two
word sentences. His behavior seriously grated on Ben's nerves.

Ben had hoped sending him into the kitchen to prepare something for
lunch would help Joey to calm down as it often did wonders for Joey's
temperament. Instead he had listened to a bitchy rant until he
stopped it with the threat to wash Joey's mouth out. Joey had
relented, turned and stalked into the kitchen.

Ben tried to ignore the clashing sounds of pots, crockery and
whatever else Joey slammed around. Normally Joey would talk to him,
especially when he knew Ben needed the quietness to grade his
students' papers. Joey might be on the impulsive side but he usually
had a firm grip on his emotions when necessary. He never acted so
inconsiderate, which only increased Ben's worry.

His concentration long gone, Ben gave up on correcting the papers
when another loud clash, immediately followed by the crashing sounds
of splintering crockery and a stream of curses, occurred. Taking a
few seconds to steel himself for the oncoming argument, he focused on
breathing in and out deeply.

With a last deep sigh, he got up and walked toward the kitchen.
There, he watched Joey sweep the last splinters on a dustpan. Angry
red spots appeared on Joey's cheeks as he straightened up,
discovering Ben. He quickly dumped the content of the dustpan into
the bin, put the pan into its usual place and washed his hands at the
sink.

“I'm not upset. You sent me to the kitchen to
make lunch, and being such a good boy that's where I am, heeding your
word. Now, if you excuse me, I'd like to get on with it!” Joey
snapped, his voice laden with exasperation. He turned back to the
counter, reaching for the knife on the cutting board.

“Joseph!”

Joey's hand jerked away from the knife. “What?”

“Come here.”

“No.”

Momentarily, Ben was too stunned to react. Open defiance? Seriously?
Something bad was going on and he needed to get to the bottom of it.
Right now. Gathering his wits, he phrased his next statement in the
hopes of getting through to a part of Joey that mostly operated
subconsciously. “I told you to come to me and I expect you to obey
me.”

The demand of obedience went deep, and at last
Joey turned around and took a few tentative steps toward Ben. The
older man waited patiently, letting Joey set the pace. It also
allowed him to survey his lover closely. Whole
body posture tense—check. Lips pressed together into a tight
line—check. Hands stuffed into his pockets—check. Zero eye
contact—check. Conclusion: Joey in full-blown spin.

When Joey was close enough, Ben cupped his face in his hands, needing
the physical contact to gauge how bad Joey felt. The younger man
didn't look up, didn't speak, merely radiated misery and anger in
equal proportions.

“Joey, look at me.”

Slowly, Joey lifted his eyes. In a clipped tone he said, “There is
nothing to talk about. May I go back and make lunch now?”

Ben slid his hands off Joey's face, took one of Joey's hands in his
own and tugged. For a moment he thought it would be easy—Joey would
go with him, permit Ben to help him out of whatever turmoil he was
in. The moment passed too quickly for Ben's liking.

“No!” Joey's anger flared to life anew. “What
exactly is it that you don't understand about the word no?”

Ben's patience had been worn thin before but right now the last
thread ruptured. Pointing at the spot in front of him, he said in a
cool tone, “Joseph. Now.”

“Fuck you.”

Ben strode over to Joey, determination clearly visible on his face.
The younger man backed up until his back hit the counter, staring
wide-eyed at Ben. Suddenly he surprised Ben with a mad dash to the
other side of the kitchen and ran from the room. Ben heard the
bedroom door slam shut, which could only mean one thing—Joey was
going to shift.

Ben hurried after his partner but was too late. Upon entering their
bedroom, Ben saw the heap of clothes where Joey had left them.
Stooping to gaze underneath their bed, Ben was greeted by a small,
black-furred head with large, dark eyes gazing at him. “Sweeatheart,
we--”

Don't sweetheart me!

“That's enough now!” Ben barked.

Damn right, it is!

Too surprised, Ben could only watch Joey sliding out of his hiding
space and run away. Oh dear! It was chase-the-puppy-day! Why did he
fall in love with a man who could shift into an animal? Especially
one so cute and well aware of his effect on Ben? How was one supposed
to stay mad for long at a puppy?

Ben sighed, stood and went to chase Joey. The puppy ran whenever Ben
approached him. It took Ben more than half an hour to corner Joey and
lock him into their bathroom. Joey howled his protest, his nails
scratching from the inside at the door.

“Joey, you know how I feel about you shifting
when you want to avoid a talk or punishment. If I let you out, will
you shift back so we can talk?” Ben asked through the door.

There is nothing to talk! What's the problem with you?

“I take that as a no then?”

I shift when I want to, not when you say so. And just for the
record, I'm not talking to you anymore. You locked me up!

“Have it your way.”

Ben walked back to their bedroom where he retrieved the small blue
harness he had bought years ago. In the beginning of their
relationship Joey often had shifted as an avoidance tactic. It had
been much better for a long time but lately Joey had fallen back into
his old pattern. Time to do something drastic about it.

Walking back to the bathroom Ben winced. If Joey kept up the frantic
scratching neither Joey's paws nor the door would survive this
incident; though the door was probably in dire need of a general
overhaul anyway. Ben knew just the man to do the work, right after he
got said man to shift into someone with hands instead of paws...

Ben braced himself before he hurriedly opened the door, squeezed
himself through the gap without allowing Joey to slip into freedom.
Catching Joey was a hard job even when the space was so limited.

Eventually, Ben managed to grab Joey and fumble the harness on him
despite Joey's screeching and pleading. Ben was drenched in sweat
when the harness was successfully fastened. “You want to be a
puppy? That's okay with me. Tell me when you're ready to talk and
I'll take the harness off.”

What? You can't do that! Get it of me!

“No.”

Ben tugged at the leash, gaining him another squeal of protest from
Joey. The puppy's paws found no purchase on the smooth wooden floor,
no matter how much he scrabbled around. Joey fell onto his belly
several times, whining and barking like mad each time he stumbled.
Ben feared that Joey would hurt himself and lifted the puppy in his
arms.

Ben carried the squirming puppy to his desk, put him on the floor and
tied the leash at the foot of his chair. Taking his pen Ben began to
correct the paper in front of him. For mere seconds Joey remained
silent, probably too baffled by Ben's handling of the situation.

Ben! Get this thing of me! You can't do this!

“Are you ready to talk?”

There is nothing to talk! Untie me! Now!

“No.”

Ben tuned Joey's words out as best as he could. Really—why did the
shape shifting have to come with telepathy? As much as he liked it
usually, right now it was hellishly annoying.

You think forcing me to stay a puppy will get me to talk? Fine!
See how you'll like it if I act like a pup!

Alarmed, Ben looked down. Joey jumped on the high stack of already
graded papers, knocking them over. Ben called Joey's name but the
puppy was on a roll. Joey jumped on a stack of ungraded papers,
toppling it over as well.

Disbelievingly, Ben blinked. It would take an hour to sort all the
papers back into order. Joey sat in the middle of the chaos he'd
caused, with his head held high and a defiant look in his eyes.

“You want to play pup? All right, sweetheart.”

Ben picked up a paper, rolled it and turned back to the puppy. Joey
jumped to his feet, trying to put more space between him and Ben. The
older man crouched in front of the puppy, slid one hand underneath
his belly and aimed to bring down the rolled up paper.

Ben's disbelief deepened into unknown territory. Whatever the hell
was going on—it would end here and now! Ben grabbed the puppy
tightly and landed the rolled up paper several times on Joey's
behind.

Joey let go of Ben's jeans, howling more in frustration than out of
pain. Wiggling frantically he tried climbing up on Ben's arms,
anything to get away from the heat inducing implement.

Ben! Ben, stop! Please!

Ben set the paper aside, held the puppy securely in both hands in
front of his face and glared. “This is one spectacular tantrum,
sweetheart. Really impressive.”

Joey's eyes widened, reaching almost saucer-like size. Ben got to his
feet, the now limp puppy in his arms to show him the mess on the
floor. “Thank you for that.”

Joey's floppy ears sagged and his tail vanished
between his hind legs. He cast a soulful look at Ben before he
apologized softly. I'm sorry, Ben. May
I... may I shift now?

“Not yet. You'll stay here with me while I sort
the papers. When I'm done with it, I'll get the harness off you and
we'll talk. Is that understood?”

Yes, sir.

Ben pushed papers aside so he had a free spot for himself on the
floor. Settling cross-legged on the floor, he started sorting the
papers. Joey sat next to him, darting uncertain glances at him every
then and now. During the next minutes Joey scooted marginally closer
to Ben until he could rest his head on Ben's thigh. When Ben didn't
push Joey away, the puppy grew bolder.

Another few minutes later, Joey's fore paws joined his head. By then
Ben had calmed down enough to have his anger and disappointment under
control. He pulled Joey onto his lap, helped him to curl up in a
small ball of shiny black fur, petting him every so often.

Almost an hour later, the papers were stacked in the correct order
and Joey was fast asleep. Ben gave up on his papers, realizing his
partner's needs were top priority at the moment.

Getting up from the floor, he muttered about his creaking knees. He
headed for their bedroom, where he settled on the bed, pondering
about what could have upset Joey this badly. Nothing came to his
mind. He stared at the puppy on his belly, one of his arms curled
protectively around the curve of the pup's spine. With his thoughts
wandering, Ben dozed off.

When he woke up, it was to a cold nose nudging him. Sleepily, Ben
pulled gently at one of Joey's long ears, then scratched the flesh
behind it. “Hey, sweetheart.”

Hey Ben. May I shift now?

“Are you done with the tantrum?”

Yes.

Ben rubbed the sleep from his eyes, sat up straight and unfastened
the harness. Immediately, Joey shifted back into his human form, an
action that still caused Ben to gasp softly.

“I'm sorry, Ben.”

Ben held out his arms in an open invitation. Hesitantly, Joey crawled
to him. He let out a long-drawn sigh when Ben's arms enveloped him in
a crushing hug. Firmly, Ben demanded, “Tell me.”

Joey swallowed and shivered but stayed silent. Ben slid one hand to
Joey's ass, tapping warningly. Joey squirmed closer to his lover, his
ass muscles tensing up. “It's not fair for me to be naked.”

“Joseph.”

“You don't have to use my full name so often.
Are you... you're going to spank me, aren't you?”

“We'll talk about that later.”

“But--”

“No, sweetheart. Who makes the decisions around
here?”

Joey pushed up on Ben's chest, locking eyes before he answered, “You
do. Oh God, I'll never be able to sit down again. I'm so sorry.”

“I won't ask you again, so spill.”

Joey lowered himself back onto Ben's chest, his hands clutching the
hem of Ben's shirt. “I... Dora showed me some documents yesterday.
She... she has some kidney problems and might be admitted to the
hospital in the near future. She wanted me to promise her I'd pull
the plug in case she was on life support systems. Can you believe
this? How can she ask me to kill her? I told her I won't do it and
she was mad at me. Like really mad.”

Oh God. No wonder Joey was melting down. Dora had been and still was
one of the most important people in Joey's life. Joey didn't need her
as much as he had needed her when they first met but she was a
significant person in his life. One, Joey didn't want to lose.

“You're her emergency contact and the one to
make the decision in case she can't anymore. I'd say it's a great
honor that she's trusting you with her life.”

“She wants me to kill
her!”

“No, that's not what she wants. To me it sounds
as if she wants to die with her dignity intact. I doubt she'd like to
spend years in a hospital or hospice, merely kept alive by machines,”
Ben reasoned.

Joey didn't comment but Ben knew he was listening. His breathing came
in less jerky gasps and the death-hold on Ben's shirt lessened.

“She's not asking you to euthanize her,
sweetheart. Dora would never ask such a thing of you, she knows how
much you love her.”

“But I don't want to make the decision.”
Joey's voice trembled before a strangled sob tore free. Ben pulled
the comforter over Joey's naked form, cradled his lover even closer
and occasionally pressed kisses on the tousled hair.

Ben held Joey for a long time, keenly aware of Joey's body language.
His earlier anger about Joey's behavior had vanished completely and
made place for sympathy and the urgent wish to somehow help his
partner. Unfortunately, the only thing Ben could do was to be here,
to be willing to listen and comfort him.

“What else did she say?” Ben asked.

Joey curled his legs around Ben's waist, probably in an attempt to
crawl inside Ben. The older man gave Joey's ass a firm tap.

“I didn't listen. She... I didn't want to hear
any more. I was... ah damn, you want me to go back and try to
understand where she comes from, don't you?”

“Yes, I think that's a very good idea. You might
want to wear some clothes though.”

Joey lifted his head from Ben's chest, allowing Ben a good look at
his lover's face. Joey hadn't cried—not yet at least—but his eyes
were red-rimmed and his complexion nearly translucent. Ben pulled his
hands out from underneath the comforter and cupped Joey's face.
Brushing his thumbs over Joey's cheekbones, he lifted his head a few
inches to kiss Joey with as much tenderness as he could muster.

Ben laughed. “Creative approach, huh? I have to admit I was pretty
mad at you but given the circumstances I don't believe a spanking is
what you need. Or am I wrong?”

Joey hurriedly shook his head.

“But, just to be clear, if you choose to avoid
talking or facing the consequences of your actions again by shifting
in your puppy form I'll put the harness back on you. The next time it
will be for a whole day.”

Joey blanched. “But Ben! You know I can only shift under extreme
pain and with great effort if I'm wearing anything.”

“Oh believe me; I'm very aware of this fact. Do
you understand what I told you?”

“Yeah,” Joey offered reluctantly. “I just
didn't know how to talk to you without flipping.”

“You flipped anyway.” Ben took the sting out
of his words by adding, “Anyone would have flipped, sweetheart.
Come on, get some clothes on and go over to Dora. Tell her how you
feel about this arrangement and listen to her, okay?”

Joey pecked Ben's cheek before climbing off the bed in search of his
clothes. Ben watched him dress, noticing the trembling hands and
wobbling legs. When Joey was dressed, Ben got up, wrapped his arms
around his lover and said, “I'll be here. If you need me, come and
get me.”

“Thanks, Ben.”

Joey turned in Ben's arms to kiss him, and then sucked in a deep
breath.

“I'm afraid,” Joey admitted.

“I'm sure Dora is afraid too.”

Joey's eyes widened in surprise. “I feel so bad about leaving her
without really listening.”

“I know but you were taken by surprise and
scared. Dora will understand. Now go and talk to her.”

Ben pushed Joey into the direction of the door. Hesitantly, Joey
walked over but stopped on the threshold. “Can we talk about this
when I come back?”

“Of course. Actually, I think I'm going to
insist on that.”

Relief shone brightly in Joey's eyes. “Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. Now go.”

Joey nodded and left their apartment. Ben couldn't help but peer
through the peephole. Dora opened the door, immediately took Joey's
hands in her own and pulled him into an embrace. Ben smiled—those
two would figure it out, no matter how painful it was going to be for
both of them.