With this blog I will focus on intentional thoughtful small tasks that you can do to improve your individual performance. “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Reflections: “Never give in, never give in…”

“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never,
never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to
convictions of honor and good sense.”

-Winston
Churchill, October 29, 1941

Warning
– this posting will be longer than my usual musings.

At
many dark times in my life I have referred to the above quote by Churchill to
bring me through ‘sterner days’. There are many and shorter variations of
Churchill’s famous quote about never giving up. I wanted to find the original Churchill
quote and discovered that this familiar quote was not 29 words long, but rather
contained in a speech.

The
famous quote was neither at the beginning nor the end, but hidden away in a
long paragraph recounting Great Britain’s progress during the first 10 months
of World War II. Churchill delivered this speech, which contained the sentence
about never giving in, at his old school, Harrow Hall (where as a boy he almost
flunked out). The famous words are contained in the following paragraph of the
speech:

You
cannot tell from appearances how things will go. Sometimes imagination makes
things out far worse than they are; yet without imagination not much can be
done.

Those
people who are imaginative see many more dangers than perhaps exist; certainly
many more than will happen; but then they must also pray to be given that extra
courage to carry this far-reaching imagination.

But
for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period—I am addressing
myself to the School—surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson:never give in,
never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or
petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.Never yield to force; never yield to
the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

We
stood all alone a year ago, and to many countries it seemed that our account
was closed, we were finished. All this tradition of ours, our School history,
our songs, this part of the history of this country, were gone and finished and
liquidated.

I live in
New Zealand now but in May 2017 I will travel with my wife to New York City and
attend Fordham University’s commencement ceremony in the Bronx and received my
undergraduate degree in Organizational Leadership. Earning this degree has been
a very long journey for me – 36 years to be exact.

In September
1981, I began my college studies at New York University as an 18-year-old
freshman majoring in Finance. I was supposed to graduate in June 1985 but that
didn’t happen. I had a great time in college – a little too much of a great
time! In 1984 I was barely passing my classes.

During my studies
at NYU I started playing on the school’s basketball team during my freshman
year and was named captain in my first year with the team. I then became
co-captain in my junior year. But at the start of my senior year and would be
fourth year with the team I quit to focus on my classes in the hope of
graduating on time. At that time in my life, quitting the team and saying
goodbye to some of the guys I knew since freshman year was the hardest thing to
do. I love those guys that I played with to this day. I felt devastated that I
was letting them down. They all said they understood my decision but I could
see it in their eyes and on their faces they were surprised I left the team at
the beginning of my senior year.

At first
quitting the team made sense. I felt at the time it was the responsible
decision to make because I was not going to be a professional basketball
player. I was tall, 6’6”, but not nearly good enough to get drafted for the
NBA. But I came to realize that it was not being on the team that held me back
from studying harder but my lack of commitment and discipline to “hit the
books”. At that time, I didn’t know it but the guys on the team was the support
system I could have utilized to help me with my studies. I was too embarrassed
to tell the guys I was almost flunking out of college at the beginning of my
senior year.

After
leaving the team I floundered even worse with my studies. I moved from living
on campus to moving back home with my mother, commuted to NYU for classes and
started working a full-time job that was initially part-time. After taking a
few classes after 1985 while I was working I decided to stop pursing my
undergraduate degree in 1988.

In late 1989
and early 1990 I was disappointed in the direction my life. I had several low
paying jobs between 1985 and 1990. I felt that I was not using my full
capabilities of what I could do and then I started to think of joining the
military. I said the military, “Why not?”. The military could pay for me to go
back and finish my degree. I researched what branch of the service I wanted to
join and in August 1990 I enlisted in the U.S. Air Force.

I completed my six weeks of basic training at
Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas at the age of 27. Then four
months of training at Kessler AFB in Biloxi, Mississippi in my Air Force career
field, Communications-Computers Systems Planning and Implementation Apprentice.

A medal from the Air Force

From 1990 to 1997, I was a Project Manager for
Communications and Computer Systems in the United States Air Force. I was stationed in at Kirtland Air Force Base
in Albuquerque, New Mexico. While at Kirtland AFB, I was selected
542nd Crew Training Wing Outstanding First Termer of the Year for 1992.
During
the last two years of my enlistment in
the Air I was stationed at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Fairborn,
Ohio. During this assignment I was selected
to serve on a Source Selection Technical Panel for the Office of the Assistant
Secretary of Defense for Health Affairs. The panel was convened for the
procurement of computer systems valued at $55 million.

Accepting Outstanding First Termer of the Year

During my
years in the military I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing
it all; performing outstanding at my military job, going to school,
volunteering for additional duties at work and in the community. And to a certain
point I did succeed and was recognized during my military career.

Outwardly I
had the appearance of success but inwardly I was trying to fill the ‘hole’ of
quitting the basketball and not graduating from NYU. While in the military I
took college courses at Southern Illinois University and Wilberforce University but never put it all together to complete my undergraduate degree. I didn’t
know this until many years later but deep down in my subconscious mind I did not
feel worthy of success. I said to myself that my ultimate goal was to complete
college but keep making excuses and sabotaging myself.

In December 1997 my enlistment in the
military was completed and I didn’t want to re-enlist for another term. After my enlistment, I moved back to NYC and has worked as
Adjunct Computer Instructor and Program Operations Specialist at LaGuardia
Community College School of Adult

and Continuing Education from 1998 to
2000. I left that job because of the
self-imposed pressure I put on myself.

After terrorist attacks on NYC at the World Trade
Center in 2001 I got a job as an administrative specialist for an architectural
& engineering (A&E) firm that was contracted by the U.S. government’s Federal
Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to provide financial assistance to public
applicants. While working at the firm I also collected one of the firms largest
overdue accounts receivable. Through effective
negotiation and organizational skills, I was able to collected 100% of the receivable
outstanding in the amount of $1.7 million. I was promoted to Accounting Manager of the NYC office of
the firm and was making a good salary but still felt empty because I didn’t
have my college degree. I still wanted to complete my degree but was afraid of
failing once again and not completing it.

While working as a Accounting Manger I was not
taking care of myself. I worked 12 to 15 hours a day and came in on Saturdays
and sometimes even on Sunday to prove to myself that I was worty of the position. I “burned out”and I quit the job at the age of 43.

I quit to get rest and reevaluate my life. Instead
of reevaluating my life and how I was living, I became depressed. I would not
reach out to my family or friends for support and isolated myself. I started to
gain weight and ballooned to over 300 lbs and was feeling sorry for myself. I
needed help but would not ask for it. My family, through much persistence, said
that as a veteran I should go to the Veteran Affairs Medical Center in
Manhattan and seek assistance. With the insistence of my family I went to the
VA Medical Center in 2007 to ask for help.

I was stubborn and thought I could get myself
back together on my own but I was wrong. Again through the persistence and
intervention by my family I went back to the VA in 2011 ready to turn my life
around. I accepted every assistance the VA offered. I had to climb out of the
hole I was in. I lost my apartment, no job and had almost no money in my bank
account. I had to humble myself and start over at the age of 48.

I was at the VA almost everyday. Woody Allen has
a famous quote “80% of success is showing up”, and apparently the other 20% is
completing what you started. I showed up and took advantage of everything the
VA offered. The VA has a program called Compensated Work Therapy (CWT) that
helps veterans gain the confidence and routine of going back to work. My work was
not glamours. I was a housekeeper at the VA Medical Center. I mopped, cleaned
bathrooms and hospital room, vacuumed, picked up garbage, and washed walls. I
did everything I was asked to do without complaining. As I was doing that work
I remembered the following quote from Dr. Martin Luther King:

If a
man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a
Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will
pause to say, “Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

No
work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and
importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.

I continued to show up and one day I was lucky. One definition of luck is “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”.
A VA social worker saw the work I was doing with the CWT program and
recommended me for the opportunity to interview for a full-time VA job. I interviewed for
the position of Vocational Rehabilitation and Employment Specialist in the
Homeless Veterans Supported Employment Program. I was hired for the job. I kept
getting lucky. I loved the job of helping
veterans and providing them
individual vocational assessment, and job development to help them find
employment.

After a couple of
years as a VA Employment Specialist I interviewed for another position at the
VA as a Transition Advocate. I was hired and began assisting transitioning
Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF), Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Operation
New Dawn (OND) veterans and their families regarding, eligibility for VA
benefits. I felt enormously grateful for what I was doing and how far I had
come by not giving up on myself. I did not do it alone. My family and support
system “jumped started” me and I had to do the 20% of completing what I
started. Maybe I had the “grit” within me all the time but it was covered by a
lot of insecurity, negative thinking and past failures. I remembered all my
failures but never my success.

While working at the VA in 2013, I enrolled at Fordham University as a part-time student at night to finish my degree. I was ready this time, determined and
most importantly equipped with confidence in myself. I had some challenges
along the way going back to school, probably like most adult learners but I
kept at it.

In 2014, I met a wonderful beautiful woman from New Zealand and fell
heads-over-heels in love. I left my job at the VA and moved from NYC and landed
in New Zealand on July 4, 2015 to spend the rest of my life with her. We got married in June 2016 and I could not
be happier.

While I was adjusting to life in New Zealand I continued studying online at Fordham completing my final nine courses for my degree in Organizational Leadership. I now work as a Program Facilitator at the New Zealand Department of Corrections.

I wanted to tell you this story to encourage you to keep preserving and doing the small tasks and strategies as stated in previous blogs everyday and to, "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense."