103. C.S. LEWIS: To love at all

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963) was an Irish author most famous for the Chronicles of Narnia series. He was also a noted poet, critic and served as professor of English Literature at Oxford for 29 years. An atheist as a young man, Lewis would later would find his faith and go on to become one of the most important Christian authors of the 20th Century. I loved the Narnia books as a child and it’s interesting to find out now that the plot and characters were inspired by the Bible. Aslan was Jesus? Cool. Maybe if they recited the Narnia books in Church I would have paid more attention.

The full version of this quote, taken from Lewis’s book, The Four Loves, reads:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

– The official C.S. Lewis website.
– Thanks to Vanessa, Karen and Ethan for submitting this quote.

Whoohoo,
I was always so short before of suggesting a Lewis quote in a mail.
I’m so happy you finnally did one!
I really hope it’s not the last one. Maybe I’ll pick one to suggest someday.
I’m acutally reading the “Weigth of Glory” this week…

And your point is….? His overexcitement should be seen as a compliment, not as a detriment because his grammar structures on the internet were less than stellar. Correct grammar usage is certainly important in everyday life, but let’s be honest–this is the internet, not a grammar class. Colloquialisms and excited writing are perfectly acceptable. I wish one could exhibit kindness before unnecessary snarky criticism in one’s comments…

I second the giggles, I am actually laughing right now. A grammar nazi incapable of looking at the author of something. Sometimes, the author is half the content, man.
And yes, I was excited. Altough I think Lewis doesn’t appreciate his words taken out of the context of his christian morals, I still like him as an author and altough it’s hard to admit; teacher.

So let’s be excited over stuff that tickles us… also consider for many here English is a second language, usually not an obstacle, but being tired and excited makes one sound foolish in every language one has acquired.

PS: Also funny that the bloke wants to make a point for it being ok not to write everything to a perfect literary stanard and yet uses pretty pompous words to do so….

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” I just read this: is this by someone other than yourself? It’s brilliant, and I want to credit it properly as it is one I’ll be using again and again.

I don’t agree with you there. Suffering isn’t the value of your life. The end of suffering, should at best teach you the value of your own life. A means to end your suffering due to the realization of your worth.
To love, is not to suffer. But to love, one must love oneself and hence know thy own worth. To end suffering at its best way, means that you have little else to do, then to love.

To emotionally depend is to suffer. Too many people can’t make the difference between emotional codependance and love. Many people think they love, but they don’t. They’re simply dependent. Frederik is right, to love is not to suffer.

Exactly, by YOUR experience. That doesn’t mean, that’s for everyone. Everyone lives their own lives different ways. Some people need to step back to realize a few things in their life. And some need to keep walking forward to find the answers to their questions.

I think that C. S. Lewis often likes to compare Heaven and Hell to states of mind instead of physical places. The Great Divorce comes to mind. Perhaps one shouldn’t look too harshly at his words and they’ll come across the same meaning in the comic.

Sorry to rain on your parade but I’m Irish (and a Literature major) and I’ve never heard C.S. Lewis referred to as an Irish author. He was never even mentioned in all of the Irish Literature classes I took. He is seen as a British author by the Irish because of how he mostly lived his whole life in England and has academically no roots in the Irish literary tradition. In addition, he was born in Belfast which is a very contentious area of nationality.

I’m sorry but I’m Irish as well and I’m FROM Belfast I can tell you now that C.S Lewis was an Irish author. Just because he wasn’t mentioned in the “Irish Literature classes you took” does NOT mean that he is any less Irish than you or me. Considering you are entitled to both British and Irish nationalities if you are from Belfast or anywhere else in the North.

Also C.S Lewis’ own biography is called “My Irish life” so it really shows how much your Literature classes have taught you. Jesus Christ.

Well the alpha looks bright, runs the fastest – but the true leader is the one that looks after those that fall behind (When I was in Gadna, I was the first to get in place – and our mefakedet said – “Who among you is the best?” I was filled with pride that I had finally finished first, and was sure I was going to be recognized. Instead, another guy, who looked a good deal more tired – he was carrying all of our water, was recognized – despite being the last in place.) That is what a “beta” person is – two in mind – yourself, and someone else. This is the root of homes, of our society, of all the great achievements of mankind. Yourself, and someone else in mind. The purpose of this earth is to stop a child walking into a car, to feed one who can’t, and to be a handhold for a friend who nearly slips and falls.

“I’m gonna talk to you this evening on the subject of the spectrum of love. We know, that from time to time, there arrives among human beings people who seem to exude love as naturally as the sun gives out heat. Love is not something that is a sort of rare commodity, everybody has it. Existence is love. But, it’s like water flowing through a hose, it depends on which direction you point it. So everybody has the force running…the thing is, first of all, to get it moving.”

I’ve been reading every comic you post here and I must say that this one just beats every other thing you’ve done.. and not just because you’re a great artist but because you depicted the crux of the quote in all those frames where there are no words. I saw the strip yesterday but it struck me only now that you complete the quote accurately! Wunderbar!

I really love your colour schemes and facial expressions. Every wobble of her lip and brow was perfectly placed to extend a powerful nonverbal message. You’re very talented!
Good to see a same-sex couple in the midst of the others!

I saw this running around tumblr and I legit cried ;3; it’s exactly how I feel having had my heart broken 3 times in a row now, not as violently as in the first page, but people who didn’t feel as strong as me & broke it off after a period of dating, yea. One day I’ll find that person who will patch things up and take good care of it that time <3 This gives me hope!

Btw. Thank you for including the last line of the quote in the description.

I think it’s a unique gift of Lewis, to take logic rather than moral and use it to pry open one’s own little box that we call our “reason” in which everything makes sense, is perfectly reasonable, scientifically evaluable by our tiny mind and most of all fits our ignorant ego that is afraid of an actual reality we cannot grasp altought it would mean to deeper understand the beauty of everything.

As much as I am a sceptic and study sciences (and dislike religious stuff, altough Lewis never is religious somehow…) he always has me sitting and thinking, reevaluating my beliefs and non-beliefs…
Maybe he can do that so spot on because he too used to be an atheist… maybe he has a point… ah damn it, now I gotta be thinking stuff over again.
There is that one paragraph in Mere Christianity where he puts that dilemma oh so well, can’t remember it though.

You might prefer this : What hurt isn’t love, it’s dependance and aloneness. Locking your heart in a chest in no way makes you bitter, uncaring, unloving. It simply means that you don’t allow yourself to fall into an emotionally codependant relationship. See :http://www.osho.com/magazine/tarot/TarotCardNew.cfm?All=Yes&Nr=54

Thanks for the reply!
Yet, I don’t think this is the underlying point.
While that link is a good observation of the of the human condition and the fact that we will, no matter how fulfilled we feel at a given point, ultimately long for “eternally” fulfilling relationship, which we simply cannot find in another human soul, who ironically tries to fill their void with what we don’t have and want to fulfill with them, that lives up to this longing.
I however believe that human relationship is good, teaches and humbles us and points to a greater truth, that everything at the base level, even matter (a manfestation of the relationship of balanced charges in subatmar particles if I understood this guy “http://deferentialgeometry.org/epe/” and my professor right), so everthiny else is based on right relationship.
And now altough he doesn’t necessarily reflect my opinion, I’ll be Lewis’ advocate and say that he would tell you, as he does in Mere Christianity that this points to who god is, the love between three persons. Not saying it’s true, just saying it’s noteworthy, and Lewis is a great mind.

I really REALLY disagree with this one. Locking your heart in a chest, i.e. not allowing yourself to fall in love with someone, doesn’t mean that you become a bitter, unhappy, unloving and uncaring monster. It simply means that you don’t let yourself fall in love with someone.

What you are describing there is dependance. It is not love. Love, REAL love, is selfless and doesn’t hurt. What hurts is being severed from something you emotionally depended on and sometimes, finding that the person you depended on to make you feel good is actually making you crave more by their actions (for example, when someone you emotionally depend on to feel loved does the opposite and stabs you).

This poster and quote are all nice and cute theory, but they don’t represent reality.

I think it’s the problem of the quote being taken out of context, and being illustrated the way it is – it’s a great illustration, but a bit one-sided nonetheless.
A Grief Observed, by the same author, is a very, very good real-life follow-up to all this theory.

Yes Waiano, I agree. I used to think sayings like this were wise. Now I think it’s perhaps based on his own experience, but from that he’s made a theory which is not about real human beings. I don’t know anyone who is not vulnerable. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love, even if that love is in the form of friendship not romantic love – or if I do, the lack of love is a mental condition and not their fault. What I detest about Lewis is how everything comes back to heaven and hell – however much he talks about love, in the end you’re either a sheep or a goat.

“Hi presently there just wanted to offer a short heads up and let you know some of the pictures are certainly not loading properly. I’m unsure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve experimented with it in two distinct internet surfers and the two show the same results.”

I enjoyed how determined the last man was. As far as suffering goes, I just base it off of Luke 17:33, “Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.” To find my happiness, I realized that I would have to no longer exist. Not in the sense that I would lose my personality or my mannerisms, but I have to let Christ step and replace myself. In order to become a whole person, I had to let Jesus fill up all the gaps in my soul. Take this as you will.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”
– 1 Corinthians 1:18.

I said if they used C.S. Lewis’s NArnia in Church you’d pay more attention. I had a wonderful friend as Sunday School teacher and he read and explained the book to us. Until today I have it in my heart. Those of you that are teachers at church should use it. Now with it in film is even better for the students. Nice art work!!!

Cute comic but I think the quote has been slightly misinterpreted.. Or perhaps I’m misinterpreting it, but here’s my take: I don’t think C.S. Lewis is telling us that someone’s going to come along and rescue our heart from its broken state in its locked up chest. I think he’s saying that we need to protect our hearts by loving it ourselves and by doing good things for ourselves. We need to discover the things that will make us happy independently- our hobbies and the little things that make us unique. Then through this self love and discovery, our hearts slowly transform and strengthen so that even if someone does something hurtful, we have enough love for ourselves that our hearts will not break. In order to truly love and be vulnerable, we need to know that at the end of the day, each of us is in control of his/her own heart and it’s not something that someone else can just go around and fix/break. That’s what true love really is- not the Hollywood version that seems to say that someone out there will save us and make us see that deep down we’re really awesome.

I couldn’t agree more Hopeful Romantic. And on the contrary, i think you have interpreted it perfectly. You need to love yourself before you can even begin to receive and provide love. there is a fine line between love and co-decency.

Actually, the idea of “loving ourselves first” is quite antithetical with what he wrote. He consistently wrote about paying no heed to ourselves and living outwardly. The quote is from his book, “The Four Loves.” I’d highly recommend reading it. He’s very witty and very insightful – easily my favorite author.

This is very beautiful, and I like your interpretation of this quote even if mine is quite different. Thanks for sharing.

In other news, I hate how people insist that the Narnia books are based in Christianity. C.S. Lewis himself said on multiple occasions that they were NOT based on Christianity at all. People insert Christianity into the Narnia books by interpretation, it was not already there. I mean I think it’s fine to have your own interpretations and fanfictions, but people shouldn’t be spewing it out like it’s fact.

I was feeling down and pathetic. Loving someone often leaves you feeling powerless and needy. Not everyone can learn to be vulnerable. Not those who have a history with vulnerability. This illustration sheds light on my situation. It’s beautiful.

I’ve been married to the same man for 41 years and i love him very much. He gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me every morning and every night. Maybe it is wrong of me to want more but i know there is more to love then that. My heart is in that casket broken and i’m motionless have been for years. His family never said love you to each other at all and when we had our kids and they would say love you grandma she would say me too. Then his mom got lung cancer and she was going in to surgery, my husband bend down and kissed her and said i love you mom and she said i love you. I don’t even know why i went in to all that. I’m trying to say there more to love then just a word, I can be crying i don’t get a hug i get there’s nothing you can do about it. The bad thing is we got 3 boys just like him they’ll give me a kiss and tell me they love every day. He works hard every day and he’ll keep you laughing and everyone that knows him respect him. So maybe i need to be in the casket i’m the only one hurting here.

Dear Anonymous, I just had to reply to you…I understand exactly how you feel and know that you are not alone! There IS more to love…there are many possible reasons for your husbands lack of depth and concern or passion for you…I would need more info. But research(google) psychopath, narcissist. This could be totally the wrong direction in your situation…there are so many men that just can’t emote. I’m so sorry for your hurting heart…know that you are not alone.

I cannot explain how much I loved this one 🙂 You have shared the deepest secret and wisdom for love..to love is to be vulnerable! Keeping your heart bare in front of someone is never easy. I am in love with the graphical illustration, Thank you so much for sharing this.

I love it! But I’d like to say that according to what I’ve seen, people who help you heal are not guys trying to get romantically involved with you, but your friends, male or female. It is a collective work, mending one’s heart after it has been broken. Right now, I’m flying with my little balloon, along with all the amazing people who has helped me through these years…
Awesome work, anyway!

I’ve been following your comics for a couples of years and one day I show this one to a friend of mine who decided that falling in love was not for her anymore, perhaps she was hurt, perhaps she wanted to stay single. Two days ago I received a picture of her and her fiance celebrating the proposal and she only said that day, that comic changed me. So I guess I must let you know that too. Thanks Gavin and keep this amazing work.

Let’s try with some corrections this time.
I’ve been following your comics for a couple of years and one day I showed this one to a friend of mine who decided that falling in love was not for her anymore; perhaps she was hurt, perhaps she wanted to stay single. Two days ago I received a picture from her with her fiance celebrating the proposal and she only said that day, that comic changed her. So I guess I must let you know that too. Thanks Gavin and keep this amazing work.

Really, the thought of “adoring ourselves first” is entirely contradictory with what he composed. He reliably expounded on paying no notice to ourselves and living apparently. The quote is from his book, “The Four Loves.” I’d very prescribe understanding it. He’s extremely witty and exceptionally adroit – effortlessly my most loved creator.

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