Ulta Pulta: The ‘fragrant’ bureaucracy

The dynamic Andhra Pradesh administration under Chief Minister Chandra Babu Naidu is all set to take a Big Leap forward exploiting its cattle wealth, says V Gangadhar after a recent visit to the state. The AP bureaucracy, however, has its own doubts.

Indian democracy is undergoing dramatic changes following the two-year tenure of the changes introduced by the Modi government in New Delhi. Pushed forward to go ahead, the states and their leaders are on their toes planning and executing these changes. We are still talking about the dramatic policy changes introduced by the former HRD Minister Smriti Irani during her tenure in the Ministry. Other ministers have not lagged behind. Andhra Pradesh and Telengana are of particular interest because they are newly-created states and the changes in them are watched more keenly.

Let us examine some of the new development programmes in Andhra Pradesh which is wasting no time in introducing dynamic, new policies in Agriculture, Animal Husbandry and rural development in the state and how these are implemented by the bureaucracy headed by the IAS lobby.

Chanda Babu Naidu did not lose any time. A powerful lobby headed by his favourite IAS officers was formed to make an accurate count of the cattle in AP and calculate in the most scientific manner the compost count generated by the state cattle The IAS lobby was strictly ordered to collect and maintain records of the dung generated by the cattle. Some of the younger generation of the IAS lobby who did not know the working of the mind of the chief minister, took the assignment likely nick-naming it ‘Operation Bull shit’ were demoted and assigned to desk jobs in remote corners of the civil service.

As Naidu firmly believed in the principles and morals of genuine rural development, he insisted on dramatic changes in the lifestyle of the IAS babus and their families. The wake up-call at the IAS officers’ quarters will be at 5 am when the men should up and reach the cow sheds. Officers from the Secretary level with the help of their Deputies and Assistants will first clean the cow sheds, collect quantities of dung and weigh them bringing t the attention of their bosses discrepancies in colour, odour and so on. Since Cow Culture will involve every single member of the IAS family, the wives, sisters and daughters will clean the homes and compound areas in the traditional manner using cow dung. The AP government will institute awards like cow dung ratna, Gomutra Bhushan and so on while households which failed to win awards for three years running will be penalised.

There is some unrest in the IAS cadres as some of the IAS wives from urban areas would go nowhere near the new cow culture and informed their husbands accordingly. This is not a major problem; we are organising seminars and workshops for such women officers. Our leaders like Hema Malini, Rupa Ganguly and others are already practicing roles of Meera, Sita and other ‘Pativratas’ from the epics using ‘reformed’ ‘gomutra’ processed by international perfumeries like L’Oreal and the House of Dior.

Naidu pointed out that the AP government move followed the directive of Prime Minister Modi to Indian farmers to make proper use of cow dung in all areas of development work. As a boost to popularizing the strategy, the PM has decided that in his future trips abroad he will carry sachets of best quality cow dung to be gifted to selected foreign leaders.