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Cruz/Fiorina: A Desperate Cry For Help

April 27, 2016

Has anyone ever heard of a presidential candidate (who is not incumbent) formally announcing a Vice Presidential candidate for their ticket? Well, Ted Cruz announced a promise today: that if he were to be nominated to be President of the United States, he would run with Carly Fiorina.

“After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if I am nominated to be President […], I will run on a ticket with my vice presidential nominee, Carly Fiorina,” Ted Cruz announced during an Indianapolis rally after sources leaked his plans hours before. Let me start off by saying this is the absolute most desperate plea I’ve ever seen in this entire election season: even more so than the middle school treaty between Cruz and Kasich.

Cruz himself has admitted that there is absolutely no mathematical path to victory when it comes to this election, and that he is literally hoping to steal the election in a Republican contested convention this summer. He’s desperately trying to pick up as many remaining votes as possible, in an attempt to sway female conservatives and brain-dead, far-right evangelicals who were considering to bail ship and vote for Trump. It’s a thinly veiled cloud of desperation from the Cruz camp, picking a candidate incredibly close to his ideals as a last ditch effort to get attention in the late primary cycle. Let me break it easily for Cruz: it doesn’t matter what he does, it’s far too late.

Carly Fiorina is a crook. A lying, cheating conservative who uses the hated “woman’s card” more than Republicans claim Hillary Clinton does.

She’s a failure of a CEO, crashing HP stocks into the ground while outsourcing over 50,000 jobs to China who was literally forced out of her position — fired by stockholders that were tired of her literal bullshit.

She’s a failure of a politician, face-planting in her previous Senate run and horrendously self-destructing in her 2016 Presidential campaign. She was caught in lies just about every week of her candidacy, from Planned Parenthood all the way up to her lie about needing to “leave before a storm came” after zero people showed up to her Iowa caucus. She made controversy after standing next to a tank with a cheesy smile on her face, repeatedly claimed she was a fantastic businesswoman despite her past, and lied through her teeth for the 2.2 seconds she was allowed on national television. In short, Carly Fiorina is a lying failure of a person.

And that’s why she’s the perfect choice for Ted Cruz and his desperate plea for attention and votes. Lyin’ Ted Cruz picked a partner that has incredibly similar morals and political beliefs comparative to himself, a terrible political move. Vice Presidents should oftentimes be the complete opposite to their presidential counterparts, a vague yet direct attempt to drag voters who would have otherwise not voted for that specific ticket.

Take Nixon, for example, under Eisenhower. While Eisenhower preached positivity and conservative morality, Nixon was the negative ad-runner — personally attacking the other side and turning to a darker side of campaigning for the Eisenhower ticket. Hillary Clinton’s best bet for a Vice President in 2016 would be Julian Castro — a Hispanic, progressive candidate from Texas. All the political “minorities” that will sway votes.

Carly Fiorina — despite being a woman — is none of these points that make up a proper Vice Presidential figurehead. Ted Cruz is literally using Carly Fiorina as a last ditch effort to show people what they could have had if they hadn’t gone for Trump. And honestly, Ted, this isn’t going to sway any votes or encourage anyone. Carly Fiorina’s six fans will be excited — but they were already going to vote for you. It’s Ted Cruz’s childish attempt to live through his idea of a general even though his primary days are almost up.

That makes sense, doesn’t it? Poor Ted Cruz, desperate to get some attention from his base, thought he really had a chance to beat Donald Trump before it became mathematically impossible. His childish temper tantrum and massive political ego rivals that of Mike Huckabee, so he desires to live through what he considers a general election. Hence the early VP nomination. He’s not seeing this last quarter of primaries as a primary anymore. He’s looking at it as his own personal general election.

It’s sad. It’s pathetic. It’s hopeless. And, if all of Ted Cruz’s “prayers” for guidance led him to picking Carly Fiorina? He worships a pretty pathetic excuse for a God. But, we all know that’s not why he picked Fiorina. He picked Fiorina because liars stick together in times of desperation.