Case Number 12962

THE AMATEURS

The Charge

Not your average adult movie.

Opening Statement

It usually doesn't bode well for a film when, after premiering at a film
festival, it gathers dust for three years before getting a minuscule theatrical
run. But this is exactly what happened with The Amateurs, which debuted
at the Santa Barbara Film Festival in February 2005 but didn't get its limited
domestic release until December 2007. With such a promising cast -- including
Tim Blake Nelson (O Brother, Where Art Thou?), Joe Pantoliano
(Memento), William Fichtner (Go), and Ted Danson (Cheers),
and anchored by the Dude himself, Jeff Bridges -- The Amateurs can't
possibly be that bad, can it?

Facts of the Case

Andy Sargentee (Bridges) is an unemployed, middle-aged loser, but he seems
pretty much okay with that (remind you of anyone?). However, unlike Jeff
Lebowski, Andy lives in a small town, is happily married, and has a teenage son.
He spends most of his time at the local watering hole, hanging out with other
middle-aged losers who seem for the most part satisfied with their low social
status: there's Barney (Nelson), who spends his days hopelessly pining for the
town floozy, Helen (Glenne Headly, Dick Tracy); there's Some Idiot
(Pantoliano), a mostly nondescript dummy; Otis (Fichtner), a genial and quiet
man who still seems vaguely threatening at all times; and Moose (Danson), a
closeted gay man who masks his sexuality with invented tales of a sordid
heterosexual past. When Andy's wife, Thelma (Jeanne Tripplehorn,
Waterworld), leaves him for Howard (Steven Weber, Wings), a wildly
successful businessman, he takes stock of his life. Andy realizes he can't offer
his son any of the material comforts Howard provides for the boy, and this leads
to depression and desperation. Andy must do something to redeem his life, and
make enough money to provide for his child. And then it hits him: he can make a
porno! Then sell it! And make lots and lots of money!

The only problem is, he can't do it alone, so he enlists his kooky friends
to help him; and they are just crazy enough to go along with this hair-brained
scheme.

The Evidence

I vaguely remember hearing of a film starring Jeff Bridges about a bunch of
small-town guys getting together to make a porno. It sounded promising, and a
small kernel of anticipation was planted. But then, years passed and no film
ever appeared. So when I noticed The Amateurs was essentially getting a
straight-to-DVD release (it played on four screens for two weeks), I dialed down
my expectations; but as it turns out, not nearly enough.

I knew the film wasn't going to work after about 10 seconds, when Bridges,
in a voice over, introduces us to his hometown, Butterface Falls. (For those
unfamiliar with the word, "Butterface" is a derogatory term for a
woman who has an attractive body, but an ugly face.) I immediately blanched
because my wife was sitting next to me, and I had talked her into watching the
film. Now, to be clear, it isn't that I find the term "Butterface"
offensive; it was that its use in the film was so juvenile and unfunny. Of
course, this one "joke" did not ruin the film (though the town's name
was often invoked), but it did set the tone for a surprisingly low level of
sophistication. So instead of an intelligent, witty, lascivious movie, what I
got was a 90-minute raunchy sitcom. By sitcom I don't mean to invoke
Seinfeld or Friends; this is more akin to something like
Stacked.

Part of what entrenches the movie's sitcom-y feel is one-note characters who
rarely seem to exhibit real, nuanced emotions. All of Andy's friend's have
narrowly defined personas, and they never break out of these constraints. What
makes it worse, these conceits are supposed to be the source of much of the
film's humor, but there is little comedy to be mined there. Some Idiot is just
an idiot. Moose is in denial about being gay -- to a ludicrous extent. Barney is
a lovelorn sadsack. Still, these characters exhibit the depth of Hamlet compared
to the female roles in the movie. Somehow, it seems that nearly every attractive
woman in Butterface Falls (shudder) has spent their lives eagerly
anticipating the moment when a group of strange middle-aged men would ask them
to appear in an amateur porn film. I suppose this portrayal of women is sexist,
but I can't muster any outrage because it was just so odd and unfunny. What
planet is this film supposed to take place on?

Poor Jeff Bridges does what he can in a hapless role. He seems to inject
Andy with a bit of small-town Lebowski charm, but it doesn't really work. His
character's foibles might be touching in a different context, but the constant
absurdity of his situations -- arguing with an unbelievably rude clerk in a
sports store, competing with his son's ridiculously lucrative stepfather -- sap
any hope of pathos. That said, Bridges does garner the majority of the film's
few laughs, mostly through sheer force of his naturally engaging persona.

But maybe these problems are my fault. Maybe I should never have expected a
film about a group of middle-aged men making a porn film to be anything but
low-brow hijinks. And maybe if they had cast Dane Cook in the lead my lowered
expectations would have been met.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

I know it's not uncommon in Hollywood to remake successful movies, usually
several decades after their initial release. While I understand the impetus
behind this practice, I always thought it made more sense to remake films that
were unsuccessful, but were still promising. As I wrote earlier, The
Amateurs has a very intriguing premise, and I know the idea could work in
more capable hands.

Surprisingly, since the movie was given such a minuscule promotional push by
the studio, First Look Pictures has put out a pretty good DVD. The low-budget
comedy has adequate picture and sound, but the bonus features are substantial
and interesting. The commentary track, featuring Bridges and the The
Amateurs' writer and director worth hearing for tales of how small pictures
get made, and how talented actors get attached to flawed projects (Bridges
initially hated the script, but came around after a table read). There are also
two behind-the-scenes featurettes, the strongest of which is Bridges' photo
book.

Closing Statement

Don't let the impressive cast -- and intriguing conceit -- fool you. The
Amateurs might be good for a few laughs, but is far more often puerile and
unfunny. And don't even think about watching this for the T & A factor; this
film is about as erotic as...well, not very erotic.