Single mom here, need advice on a potential beau.

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First thing first, there is this guy who is 10 years older than I am. He worked with my parents for years and when I eventually came to work at the same place it was apparently love at first sight when he saw me. Being friends with my parents, he jokingly started calling them mom and dad. He friended me on social media and I quickly discovered that we had a lot in common (horror movies, sick sense of humor, comic everything). Basically, two mature overgrown children. He tried to pursue me for about a year before I agreed to meet him for breakfast (he paid) but I was still hesitant because I have a child and he occasionally ranted about children being annoying. Being a mother, that was kind of a big deal. Though breakfast was great, there was a charming spark in his eye and his smell just captivated me. I knew right then that he could be trouble for my sanity, so I did what any “normal” person would do. I avoided his many other attempts over the course of another year. Until recently…

I asked him if I could use him as a reference for an apartment, and naturally he said yes and talked me up. So, we actually live in the same complex now. I felt kind of like a jerk for blowing him off for two years and then asking him for the favor of talking highly of me, so I asked him if he wanted to hang out. At this point I knew which apartment was his, so I had my mom babysit for me while I spent a couple hours there. (One, he has been known for his drinking, another sore issue with having a child and all, as well as the fact that I don’t want to introduce my child to anyone right away.) This happened about a month ago. When I got to his apartment, he had a few drinks in him but we danced, listened to music, sang horribly, laughed our hind ends off, and eventually he kissed me. Best kiss ever. His hands went to wander but he stopped himself. He kept saying things like, “You have no idea how much in like I am with you…” (this continues in another comment)

At that point my insides were all over the place and I admitted that I was smitten by him as well. He then confessed that I was the only girl with a child that he hasn’t been intimated by a child. He’s known I’ve been a mother since day one. He said one of his friends reminded him that I had a child and he said something along the lines of “So? I’ll have his beautiful mother by my side and a bonus, her beautiful f’in kid.” That naturally swooned me that much more, and we met up a couple of more times before I moved into my apartment last week. A few days ago, though, I complained that I was tired of watching Scooby Doo and he offered for me to borrow some of his movies. I told him that if my mom would watch my child that I would take him up on the offer. He said, “Why would you have your mom watch him just to come grab a couple of movies? I’m closer to you than the garbage can is.” I was nervous and ended up not bringing my child down there…

As a single mom myself, it is definitely hard to introduce your kid(s) to a new partner. Your instincts are right to wait…at least until you know where you stand with him. But it sounds like you two have a great connection and that sparks are flying! Good luck!

I think there’s a lot to be skeptical about. First off, you’re here asking for advice which means you’re unsure of this guy.

He’s a drinker which will only get worse. Drinkers destroy lives. Forget about you – you’re potentially bringing this drinker into contact with your child.

Don’t also forget about his childish ways. How dependable would he be with your needs, especially with your child? Your child needs a role model in a father figure, not a man-child-drunk.

He sounds a bit creepy to me to be honest.

But you have brought this upon yourself. You chose to use him as a reference even though you knew you were using him, and felt uneasy about it. You chose to take things further. Anything that happens with this is on you.

I think we need more information. What do you mean “known for his drinking”? Does he 1-2 drinks every day or is he wasted every day?

Calling your kid a “bonus” isn’t anything to swoon over. Maybe he has become more comfortable being around children as he has gotten older, which is great. But your kid is not a “bonus” and if you’re not comfortable bringing your kid over yet then *listen to your gut* and don’t. It doesn’t mean you never will, just wait a few more months until you’re comfortable. If he pressures you about it, then he is not respecting you.

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