Goat Vocals + Sheepish Sales: A Rihanna Story

Rihanna, you decided to RT the following shade as if you couldn’t have used your phone for better purposes. For example, maybe to tweet any one of the stadiums you booked to ask them if your dates will even reach capacity.

But then, everyone would have been angry if Beyonce RTed this though, right?

Yet of course, your retweet was quickly deleted much like whatever talent God blessed you with before you floated on over from the Land of Coconuts. Why RT a confirmation that your fans only support you with $0.00 streaming?

1.29 vs 15.99

Stadiums downgraded to arenas vs sold out world tour

You can choose which one you want to be proficient at. I chose the latter.

The proof is in the pudding. The problem is that the general public has been eating this dry ass pudding for years and they’re realizing that they have yet to dig their teeth into any proof. I mean, do you ever play your performances back for yourself, a critic, or even a cat? At least one of those entities should be able to give you the brutally honest feedback that you so deserve. Take a look below:

I’m more upset than you are that everything you do turns to flop. Think about it. Why do you think Beyonce was trying hard as hell to get LA Reid to pay attention to you (look it up). She wanted to make sure that your lackluster ass was bringing in money for her future child’s diapers. You are signed to Jay-Z’s label after all, sis. The audacity that you have to shade your employer’s wife. Put more effort into getting someone to coach those Atlanta Zoo built ass vocals.

I could never be friends with a member of your Titanic-inspired navy. They’d work hard to fail. That’s exactly what their idol is doing in the short video below. Take a look at what you consider to be a great ritual before going on stage:

That’s like chugging vodka before you drive elementary children to school. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. But in Rihanna’s case the waiting is definitely over.

I shouldn’t see shade coming from someone who sold 460 physical copies of their album during the first week of sales. You’re thanking your fans for purchasing the album when Daddy Samsung did. Sis, sit.

I shouldn’t see shade coming from an ‘artist’ who sounds better when the mic malfunctions.

Rihanna none of those magical doors that you made your non-Work-Work-Work-Work-Working fanbase walk through were able to take you to Narnia? Because at this point, I feel like a Lion, A Witch, and an enchanted ass Wardrobe are the only things that can help out your struggle vocals and sales.