"When you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things."

NBC

"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus."

Jim Britt/Disney ABC Television Group

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Disney ABC Television Group

"A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while."

Disney ABC Television Group

On acting: "All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful."

Alan Levenson/The LIFE Images Collection

"Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying 'I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.' The other is 'You want fries with that?'"

The LIFE Picture Collection

"You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married say ‘It’s the same sex all the time.'"

Disney ABC Television Group

"When in doubt, go for the dick joke."

Paula Bronstein/Getty Images Entertainment

"Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, 'Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding'."

HAL GARB/AFP

On his mentor, Jonathan Winters: "Jonathan taught me that the world is open for play, that everything and everybody is mockable, in a wonderful way."