Mastering the Basics

About the author

The following article was written by Gwen Randall-Young. Gwen is an
author and psychotherapist in private practice. For more articles
and information on her books and CDs go to www.gwen.ca.

Mastering the Basics

I have always felt there is a glaring omission in the way we have been
educated, and the way children are educated, inasmuch as there is no
consistent teaching about how to communicate. Yes, we learn to read and
write, but not how to talk with one another, particularly when there is
conflict.

Built into our culture and socialization process is a tendency towards
polarity. Siblings have rivalry, and there are disagreements on the school
playground. Generally the response to these has more to do with who was
right and who was wrong, than how communication could be improved.

In fact, the way we talk about things, structures our reality. If we have
not learned the language of co-operation and facilitation, then we are stuck
battling positions or points of view. There are a few things we need to
teach children, and of course one of the best ways to teach them is to model
the behaviors ourselves.

We need to teach them that it is always better to try to find a solution
than to fight and argue. We must give them plenty of examples of solutions
so they understand how to create their own. If they hear Mom and Dad doing
this in the kitchen, it will be easier for them to do it on the playground.

We need to teach them that it is not helpful or nice to speak badly of
others. Rather, it is wise to encourage them to see the positives in others.
They should know that words have energy, and that negative comments put
negative energy out into the world. We pollute the interpersonal environment
when we do that.

We need to teach them that if we work together, and help one another, we
will all be further ahead. We do not have to be the best, the fastest, the
smartest. If we are, then all the more reason to be helpful to others. Years
from now, we will be remembered not so much for our accomplishments, but for
how we treated others.

We need to teach them the importance of honesty and integrity even when no
one is looking. A conscience that is clear; free of guilt, remorse, or
regret, not only makes us feel better, but we sleep better too. Dishonest
actions or being out of integrity is not something that can be erased. Most
people carry the memory of such incidents for the rest of their lives.

We need to teach them the importance of forgiveness. No one is perfect.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Holding grudges is like pausing a movie.
You cannot move on with the story when you remain stuck on one event.

We need to teach them that love is the greatest gift we have to give. They
need to know that their love has the power to uplift, heal and empower
others. They also need to be reminded that we each have unlimited amounts of
love within us. Opening our hearts and letting the loving energy flow out to
others is the best thing for maintaining physical and emotional health.

We need to teach them how important it is to share. They need to know how to
take turns, to let everyone play, and to give to those who are less
fortunate. The whole world is our family, and we need to take care of each
other.

Can you imagine if we had an entire generation of children that was raised
knowing these things? Imagine if all who are now adults had been raised with
these principles? How different our world would be. If we really want to
change our world, it might best to start with the children. The only thing
is, if we want them to really get it, we have to get it first.