An insight into the world of films from a girl obsessed with jellyfish

Day 62 – The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

As you know, today I have had no control over what I watch. My friend has decided to take it upon himself and let me relax, enjoy myself and choose some films for me. This is the first one of potentially three. Wouldn’t you like to know how this went? Let’s go on with the show then.

Just to warn you. There could be a few swear words in this review. Just so you know. Okay?

This film is the biggest pile of shit I have ever known.

I don’t even know where to begin. This film has pretty much rendered me speechless right now. But, for your sake, I’m going to have to try.

Shall we start with the morals of this story? Keep in mind that this is a children’s movie. Please, please keep that in your mind. Ready? This is what this delightful film teaches your children as they watch this film:

When things don’t go your way, you can threaten people with a knife.

If number 1 doesn’t work, you can resort to cannibalism.

It’s okay to steal lorries, clothes, equipment…pretty much anything, as long as you say the word ‘borrowing’ to yourself and sing a song about it.

Pedophilia is okay when you want something

(My personal favourite that I’ll get back to later on) Ugliness is a crime.

Don’t you want your kids to learn all of this? Yeah? Yeah?

NO! Who in their right mind would think that this is acceptable? What the fuck where you thinking? SCREW YOU! SCREW! YOU!

And you know what has just come to my attention? This is a PG film! Any child can just waltz into a shop and buy this! ;klasd;jkgj;klhshhcn (this was me bashing my keyboard in anger…I do apologise)

Oh, let’s go back to the issue of ugliness here. You know what they do with ugly people in this film? They throw them in the State Home for the Ugly. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes. Ugly people have a fucking prison now! And you know what classes as ugly in this ‘oh-so-morally-fucking-correct’ film…too fat, too skinny, too silly, too bald, too hairy, too old and…wait for it, you’re in for a treat, trust me…too…fucking…crippled………………FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! This is the most insulted I have ever been in a film, because who in their right mind thinks it is okay to say ‘screw you, you cripple. You are ugly’…NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh, and the acting. The acting skill are just incomparable in this film to any other film I have ever seen. You know, it was just so good. FUCK YOU! This was the worst excuse for acting I have ever seen! I mean…NO! NOOOOOO!

No. You know what? Fuck this film. It is worth no more of my time. The more I write, the more angry I get. This film should be burned. No, that’s too mild. Imagine the worst possible means to destroy anything in the entire world, multiply it by infinity and then some more. You know what? Not even that will satisfy me. FUUUUUUUCK!

And now to move on to yet another painful movie…kill me now? Please? Or I might end up killing something…

(This review is rated as Universal and can be viewed by any age…FUCKING GET ME?)

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2 Responses

I feel like I watched this movie when I was younger, but I don’t remember it, instead I just remember the extremely gross and/or violent Garbage Pail Kids stickers that were absolutely hilarious at a young age. I’ll take your word for it that it’s a horrible movie but your review of it made me smile.