Insecurity issues

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knowledgejc wrote:

For people who are having problems with their SO, do you ever feel unattractive? Like why would he want to be with me when I look like this or that. I know I'm attractive but my SO doesn't think I am. I feel that other women are more attractive and that's why he doesn't want to be with me. I feel that my nonphysical attributes are also not good enough to keep him from wanting to leave the relationship. I know beauty is skin deep, etc. But how do you get yourself to really believe that and feel great about who you are and know your self worth? How do you think and what do you do when you feel insecure about your worth?

sorry posted too soon... exercise, surround yourself with friends and family that make you feel good. therapy can also help tremendously. you need to see your worth in order for others to do so. Keep your chin up and hope this is a phase that soon passes.

CBT. Seriously. I didn't do it one to one I just did a 6 week course. What evidence do you have that your SO doesn't find you attractive or doesn't want to be with you? It's all about unhelpful thoughts.

He said he no longer loves me and we will no longer be together. How is CBT? How did you help you and was it helpful? I just want to know how people see their self worth even though their relationship is not working out.

If he told you he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be together, I think you should listen and move on. Obviously that might be painful, but you can't force him to do something that he doesn't want to do.

CBT is all about changing your thinking. For example I tend to have quite a negative view of myself. If I was out with my husband's friends I would be a bit shy. I don't speak up cos I don't think I have anything worthwhile to say. I think they think I'm boring. I don't know this as a fact but it's my perception. So then I don't talk and I become boring... a self fulfilling prophecy! So i have to remind myself that my thoughts are potentially untrue and definitely unhelpful in that situation. That's just one example. Maybe Google it and see what you think. From your answer though I have a clearer picture -it's not that you interpret his actions as unloving but he has actually stated this. In this case you really need to think about if you want to be with someone who has said they don't want to be with you. That's kind of a different story to what I picked up from your initial post.

Honestly? The easiest way to "get yourself to really believe... and feel great about who you are and know your self worth" is to cut out the negative people in your life who try to knock down your self-confidence.

If he's let you know he finds you unattractive, tells you he doesn't love you AND that you won't be together - you have your answer. You aren't the right partner for him. Don't waste another moment of your life trying to measure up to someone who isn't right for you either.

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