The Official Knick Playoff Panic Quiz

Nervous? Jittery? Or merely forlorn? Have you thrown in the orange towel, or do you remain blissfully confident that, as Carmelo Anthony says, the Knicks are the better team, and this 3-1 series deficit can be swiveled around, abruptly, before New York perishes to the Pacers—and a season's worth of Garden goodwill goes clanging off the rim, like a J.R. Smith jumper?

ENLARGE

J.R. Smith, left, and Amare Stoudemire of the New York Knicks
Getty Images

There's something so Knicks-like about this predicament, how these losses to the Pacers are not just losses, but come accompanied by a dramatic real-time locker-room soul-search, with hurt feelings and disagreements over what and whom to blame. Are the Knicks a selfish team? Are the Pacers exposing them as one-dimensional? Does Mike Woodson have the answers? Is J.R. really going to shoot the ball from over there? Does he know he's standing in Connecticut?

How freaked are you? Do you have hope? Is it all Rihanna's fault? How bad is your Knicks playoff panic? Take our Knicks panic quiz:

How would you rate your mood about the Knicks right now?

A. Anxious and frustrated to the point that Thursday's do-or-die Game 5 is going to be hard to watch.

B. Already instructed kids to not to say "Knicks" out loud in home for next seven to 10 years.

C. Stopped showing up to the office in blue and orange face paint and unwashed Starks jersey.

D. Actually starting to think about the Mets.

Watching the Knicks play these last couple of games versus Indiana, it's clear the team needs:

A. More urgency to beat a Pacers club they are capable of beating.

B. Reliable offensive complements for Carmelo Anthony.

C. Four more basketballs so everyone can shoot their own, like a crazy arcade.

D. A best-of-nine series.

Which of these New York events is less likely than a big night of assists from Anthony?

A. A pharmacy line that takes less than 30 minutes.

B. A Trump vow of silence.

C. Somebody from Brooklyn not talking on and on about Brooklyn.

D. Jets Super Bowl.

Which of these events has happened since Jason Kidd last scored a basket for the Knicks?

A. The Triassic period.

B. "Ben-Hur" winning 11 Oscars.

C. The completion of the Empire State Building.

D. The last great Rolling Stones album.

When Knicks guard J.R. Smith squares up to take a shot, you:

A. Run out of your home or apartment, loudly screaming, "NOOO…NOOOOO…NOOOOOO!!"

B. Hide under the furniture until morning.

C. Call 311 and ask the city, "Why?"

D. Vodka. Just vodka.

What would go a long way to solving the Knicks's current troubles?

A. Baskets.

B. Baskets.

C. Baskets.

D. A couple of games against the Celtics.

The other day, Tyson Chandler suggested that the Knicks need to be "willing passers" and play a more team-oriented game. This was the equivalent of saying:

A. Wow, New York apartments are expensive!

B. People in this town sure love brunch and yoga!

C. The new World Trade Center is tall!

D. Hey, I'm open!

If you were Mike Woodson, which of these coaching adjustments would you consider?

A. Playing more Pablo Prigioni.

B. Playing more Chris Copeland.

C. Playing more Walt Frazier.

D. Telling a few of the guys that Game 5 is Friday.

What does Woodson secretly think when he's coaching the Knicks?

A. I wish my guys took better shots.

B. I wish I coached Indiana.

C. What would Tortorella do?

D. If I hear one Phil Jackson rumor this off-season…

The hardest part about being a Knicks fan is:

A. The string of low moments in the 21st century.

B. The painful memories of past playoff failures.

C. The schadenfreude of other NBA cities.

D. Not a Knicks fan. Where the heck are the Yankees and Giants articles?

If the Knicks fail to win this series versus Indiana, you will consider the season to be:

A. A complete meltdown even though the Knicks beat Boston in the first round.

B. A complete meltdown because you were looking forward to losing to the Miami Heat in the conference finals.

C. A complete meltdown because you were insane enough to think the Knicks could win an NBA title.

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