Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Today...

Well, it's not chickenpox.It's not measles.It was hives. Was/Is hives.

Gave him benadryl yesterday.Gave him benadryl last night & put calomine lotion on the spots. He had at least 10 spots on his face alone. That does not include his head & behind his ears. My poor buddy.

And then, he slept all night. (thank goodness!)

This morning, they are sooooooooooooooooo much smaller, barely raised at all.

I swear, they look like mosquito bites. He looks like a swarm of mosquitos attacked him, and now they are healing....but he hasn't been outside very much, and my MIL watched them come up while they were at WalMart to buy pull-ups, so I'm 99% sure that a pissed off mosquito did not just go to town on him....

Anyway....thank goodness it's not contagious & we don't have to cancel his party.

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New subject: do you ever just think about signs, or the irony of things some things?My moment: I have something that is so very precious to me. It's our "penny timeline" for our family. I started this when Damon & I were engaged & it was his wedding gift. It has a penny from the year he was born, I was born, the year we met, the year we got engaged, the year we got married, the year we got our first house, and then 2005. That year, Damon got his 1st hole in one, we found out we were pregnant, and Gage was born. So, they go in a line...and then in 2005, there is another penny branching off & starting a new line for Gage's life. I had a 2007 penny for Baby Masyn, and today was the day that I would work on updating the penny timeline. So, as I'm doing it, I flip on the radio...and kind of get lost in what I'm doing...and then, I can somehow hear the words on the radio just as clear as day. It's some song, and the chorus says, "I'm miiiiissin' you..."...and the next thing I know, it's off the radio. I was just thinking about all that should have been or could have been, and how I just wanted that sweet baby to smell & hold, and......and now I'm crying again. Anyway....the next thing I know, another song is on, and it's the middle....and it's "She talks to angels" by the Black Crowes. And, so then, I just thought....is this a sign? and maybe my mom & I are dorky---but to us, things happen for a reason, and most things mean something......so to me, I thought, "my baby is up there in heaven, knowing how I feel right now, and knowing what I feel what I've lost." So...the song was over, and I switched stations. And here is the song that was on:"Held" by Natalie Grant. The song was just what I needed when I needed it.

"Held" Lyrics:

Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing. To think that providence would Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens To us who have died to live? It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow. The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held.

I totally believe in signs. There have been so many instances in my life where signs were presented to me. Once, I was thinking about my Grandmother (whom I was named after and I look just like). I had never b met her but feel such a connection. Anyway, I was watching Montel and Sylvia browne was on and she was saying how the dead communicate by different things like dropping coins, ringing phones, or sending birds around. I said out loud to my Grandma to please send me a few birds so I would know she was watching me.

A few days went by and I had forgotten about it and then one morning, I got up and was looking out my back window. There were about 50 to 100 doves in my backyard. I sat there marveling and wondering what they were all doing in my yard as I watched even more land. I didn't out our any food and the bird bath was empty. It was then that I remembered what I asked of my Grandma. I said a thank you and cried a little. I have not seen that many birds since.

My only complaint, I did ask for Red birds...she sent doves but they are a sign of peace and love so I can't complain too much.

I think music is so healing for the things that happen to us in life. It's there to remind us what we've been through and how wer survived it. Music takes me back too. There are songs that make up my life.

About Me

Motherhood is...is...well, it's eventful. It's better than I ever imagined, and yet harder than I expected. It's definitely a learning process for me.
We've struggled with infertility, but we are happy to report that we now have a healthy and happy son, and a delightful daughter.
...and this blog details some of our adventures....and misadventures.