It’s not easy to let go of the reins and allow our children to make their own decisions.
After all, we know what is good for them, right?

They’re young, impressionable and still don’t understand right from wrong.

Or do they?

By making all of their decisions for them, are we giving them the tools they need to develop into capable decision makers? After all, they are the ones who really know what best suits their life.

Allowing our children to make their own decisions

I recently found myself in a dilemma with my daughter, Kalyra.

Craig and I are vegetarians, well pescatarians really; we still eat seafood and the occasional wild land animal. Six years ago I decided this would be my new life path after reading a paper describing the environmental impact of farming. Giving up farmed meat would be the one small thing I could do to make a difference.

Kalyra spoke to me recently about wanting to one day try a sausage. I gave a “we’ll see”sort of reply and changed the subject.

I just didn’t know what to do.

I don’t want her to eat meat, but I don’t know if it’s fair to not let her just because I choose not to eat it myself. I believe we all have our different ways of wanting to make a positive difference and maybe this is not her way.

But is she old enough to understand and make these choices herself?

I never want to raise children who make decisions just because others do. But if I am forcing my preferred eating lifestyle on to her, then isn’t this exactly what I am doing?

“I don’t think we give our children enough credit for how capable they are to make a decision. All you can do is explain the reasons why you have chosen to not eat meat and then see what she decides from there.”

I know this to be true as a teacher. Sure there are moments during the school day that you have to make a decision for a child, but the best way to empower the students is to allow them to take ownership of their own choices.

What do you think the class rules should be and why? What topics would you most like to learn next? Do you think it’s wise to sit next to your friend? Why is this the best choice for you?

What happens if we never teach our children to make decision for themselves?

They don’t know how to. They constantly turn to others to make the decisions for them. They are paralysed by the choices they find around them and unable to move forward without someone directing them.

Not making a decision is a decision which can lead to a path that feels out of control and guided by unseen hands. Not exactly the situation we would like to find our teenager in, right?

Steps to helping your child with decision-making

Empowering our children to be independent thinkers starts from a very early age.

The following process is a good guide to teaching your children how to make a decision:

1. Gather all the facts together
2. Listen to other people’s opinions if they would like to
3. Help them to see the possible consequences of each side of the decision
4. Help your child consider their own interests and values and how their decision may fit in with these
5. Put it all together and decide
6. Show them how to use their gut to confirm
7. Re-evaluate the decision down the track and talk about how it worked out for them.

I think the most powerful part to this is asking our children to think how their gut feels when making the final choice. After we gather all the information our logical mind likes, we should leave it to our gut (or intuition) to choose. It always speak the truth.

Listening to and trusting our own intuition helps when the decisions become more complicated and important.

(Of course we have to provide scaffolding for our children and if we know the decision they make is a bad one, like eating chocolate for dinner, we may need to talk to them further about their choices and step in and steer them in a new direction if necessary.)

Start with small decisons at an early age

Start by helping them to make small decisions from an early age. What would you like to do, to eat, to play? Why? Do you think that is a good idea?

Or get them to help you make a decision. What do you think is the best choice? What do you think Mummy should do? And why? Having your child focus on the why is important so they understand there is always a reason behind what we do.

After a decision is made talk with them about why they think it was a good or bad decisions. What did the results show them? Help them to learn the concept of consequence.

Each day is a constant stream of decisions that shapes the direction of not just the moment, but our life’s path. Allowing our children make their own decisions will give them strength and confidence in who they are as a person – a wise person who can competently decide and control the outcomes in their life.

And won’t they need these qualities the older they get and the more influential their peers become?