Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Screeching filled the newsroom as the squirrel frantically tried to escape from the trap. She tried everything she could think of to escape as the staff watched with pity. They were happy to get back to work after the pest controller showed up and removed the menace that had been tormenting them for weeks.

A week later, a horrific stench filled the air system and quickly dispersed throughout the office when the heat was turned up. Editors and reporters ran for the bathrooms to empty the contents of their stomachs before heading out into the cold for fresh air. The secretary called the pest controller before making her own mad dash for the ladies room.

The pest controller rushed over. He eventually traced the smell to the server room. Tucked behind a rack of computers was a nest with two half-eaten baby squirrels and a bloated one draped over its siblings. The pest controller blanched as he quickly cleared away the nest and remains.

The staff was sent home and the office was closed so the building could be aired out and squirrel-proofed. For the first time in the 200-year history of the company, no newspaper was published that day.