How to Handle a Pendejo for a Boyfriend

Dear Mexican: Most Mexicans I know (myself included) feel it's a terrible disrespect to keep old photos around of your ex. I'd never keep pictures of me and an ex around to try and push my current boyfriend's buttons; I guess I feel it's a slap in the face. So when a couple of old photos of my boyfriend and a couple of his exes flashed on his screensaver (they were hugging and kissing), I didn't flip out. Instead, I asked him about them, and told him they kind of make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Please keep in mind I've never been accused of being the jealous type or an insecuremujer. I have a career and life of my own. He is white, and I explained to him the best I could, saying I guess the Mexicans I know just don't do those things. I knew, walking into this "white world," that most whites have exes on Facebook as friends—hell, some even hang out with them. From my experience as amexicana, that's a big no-no. I guess I was just wondering if I was being insecure? Or is there a cultural difference here? —Dolores Dice

Dear Wabette: To paraphrase the Mexican's mariposa counterpart, Dan Savage: Dump the Pendejo Already (DTPA). It's one thing for a current partner to keep talking to their exes, quite another for them to keep photos of said exes in a place where they see them daily, and quite pendejo to have said pictures of exes hugging and kissing said partner and show them to their current beau. Sure, Mexicans are a bit more skeptical of maintaining a relationship with an ex-partner than gabachos, and that's due to a Catholic worldview deeming any previous partner as whorish and unworthy of further thought (unless in the safe zone of being borracho), but your man should have shoved those photos into his digital trash bin the minute he committed to you. That he hasn't says more about him than you, Dolores—so please, DTPA.

Know Nothing Mexican-haters frequently misquote a report about the California prison population in 2006 by stating that 38 percent of the incarcerated males in Califas are illegal alien Mexicans. They state that "Mexicans," whom they see as being illegal, should be deported. There is one fact that the racistpendejos, who are in denial about their sexual preferences, do not mention: 39 percent of the female population in California prisons in 2006 were WHITE! To facilitate the Reconquista and reduce crime, do you think white females should be deported to Europe? —El Habrano

Dear Wab: No, we need gabachas to restart our mestizaje after the coming Aztlán-American War . . . wait, is this thing on? What I meant to say is that original stat you cited—the 38 percent one—isn't too far off: That's the percentage of Latinos incarcerated in California carceles. But that number covers all imprisoned Latinos, legal and not. As we well know, though, Know Nothings ignore such inconvenient facts in favor of the "findings" of hack think-tanks like the Federation for American Immigration Reform and the Center for Immigration Studies, "findings" that our lamestream media usually repeat without question, thus confirming the suspicions of Know Nothings, who repeat them and point to both said hack tanks and media as their citations when arguing. Like that oft-repeated lie that immigrants are more prone to crime than citizens? Debunked by most every legitimate researcher (including this one—buy my book!), yet you'll never see such reality enter their discourse. I appreciate your sarcasm, but just one quibble, Habrano: What does sexual preference have to do with anything? Hate the haters, but no need to use our mariposa brothers and sisters as slurs against Know Nothings—otherwise, we're no better than them.