Stingl: Cedarburg man celebrates a new heart but thinks about the donor's tragic end

Tom Schroeder and his wife, Margie, toast with nonalcoholic beer during a date night staged as a surprise by the staff at Aurora St. Luke's Medical Center several days before Tom received a heart transplant last August. He was at St. Luke's for 50 days while awaiting a new heart and he craved non-hospital food.(Photo: Aurora St. Luke's Medical Center)

Tom Schroeder has cause to celebrate this week. A new heart has been beating in his chest for one year.

On Saturday, more than 150 people who love and support Tom will come together at a party. They will wrap their arms around him, listen for a heartbeat and marvel at the medical miracle that now happens every day somewhere.

But anyone who has a transplanted heart knows the joy of living longer is shadowed by thoughts of the deceased donor and a grieving family. They also are marking an anniversary, but a sad one.

"You know your heart came from somebody's loss, and you just want to express gratitude that you're able to carry on with your own life because of somebody's sacrifice," Tom, 62, told me.

The Cedarburg man, who has returned to work as a carpenter, poured out his thanks in a letter that was delivered by the transplant coordinator to the donor's family. That was three months after Tom's surgery at Aurora St. Luke's Medical Center.

A month later, he received a six-page letter from the donor's mother in central Illinois.

"She started out the letter by saying I want to tell you about your heart's first journey," Tom said.

The woman wrote that she had lost two sons, the older one in a terrible accident, and the younger one who could not move past his grief over the loss of a brother. That young man took his own life last August. Tom now has his heart.

Until he read the letter, Tom didn't know anything about his donor. He assumed the heart came from someone who died in an accident. It was unsettling for him to learn how the man's life had ended.

A sad detail emerged. The 34-year-old donor and his girlfriend had a baby daughter in April of last year. The girl met her father but will never get to know him.

Tom and the donor's mom continued their conversation by email. They have yet to meet in person.

"She said feel free to ask me anything."

He did not ask how exactly the young man died. But he learned a bit about how he lived. He stepped away from his welding job to care for his grandmother. He loved to garden and to eat tuna casserole and ribs. He was a great hugger. He had green eyes, just like Tom. And it was the Cubs, not Tom's Brewers, that made the donor's heart race.

"She said I was the first recipient that she heard from. So there might have been multiple organs that her son was able to donate," Tom said.

Tom desperately needed the heart. His own was hopelessly enlarged because of a virus. It was pumping so unreliably that he spent 50 days in the hospital awaiting the transplant.

His wife of 37 years, Margie, was there nearly every day. Their son, Alex, helped keep everything going at home, putting off a move into a house he had just bought.

Weeks went by. Tom's cousin, Linda Otto, tried to think of a way to cheer him up.

"So I told him we would celebrate his one-year anniversary of the milestone of receiving his heart, and my husband and I would host a party at our house," Linda said.

Tom logged 86 visitors during his hospital stay. He invited them all to the party, plus everyone else who sent a card, plus hospital staff and people from church. As the guest list swelled, the party was moved to Lime Kiln Park in Grafton.

Tom is scaling back on his anti-rejection meds. He and Margie are now able to imagine retirement together.

"I look at him," Margie said, "and think, did we really go through this? It's hard to believe. He looks and feels great."

Tom's prayers have been answered. He's sending out more for a mother missing her boys.