Everything in Arabelle's life is coming together. She has confidence, great friends, she's even dating Naak, a wealthy Thai socialite. But there are too many models in Bangkok. Arabelle’s broke, she can’t find an agent in New York, and Naak isn’t as wonderful as he first appears. Slowly the Shadows creep back into Arabelle’s mind, bringing with them thoughts of hopelessness and despair. The vile Shadows know something Arabelle’s refusing to remember and, if she’s not careful, they’ll use it to destroy her. Based on a true story, Arabelle’s Shadows takes us on a journey through the struggles of growing up, not quite making it as an international model, and attempting to overcome a crushing depression.

Australia’s Next Top Model is one of my guilty pleasures, filled with bitching, backstabbing and all these wannabe young models fighting for a place in the glamourous modelling industry. Perhaps that’s why I chose to review Arabelle’s Shadows, which is about modelling, written by a previous fashion model. The book is based on a true story, which looks like it’s modeled after the author’s own life.

The novel opens with Arabelle talking about dating a guy named Naak. She’s currently in Bangkok for her modelling career which is actually quite successful there, being a Caucasian model in an Asian country. She soon finds out that Naak was actually stringing her along as he actually has a girlfriend who is out of the country. I thought that would be the end of him, but even until its final pages does Arabelle obsess, pine and go after Naak in a self-destructive pattern for approval. I was sick of hearing of Naak by the end of it, and hearing about how men have done the same in the past made for a very sad story.

Told in three time periods, the present in 2004, 1998 in high school and the travelling years, we get an insight as to how Arabelle got there and her happiest years travelling. The travelling years were my favourite, as we see Arabelle’s modelling career take her from New Zealand, to Australia, Thailand, Hong Kong, Korea, Amsterdam, Paris and a few other countries. I loved hearing about these cultures and the life of a model. What you see on TV and in magazines is just the glamorous part, but Arabelle does struggle and persevere through some very difficult years with barely enough money to eat or pay rent.

Being a sufferer of chronic depression, Arabelle talks about a person’s shadows that can consume you and make you think negative thoughts. A large portion of the novel is dedicated to Arabelle’s suffering, and I found the negative self-talk, suicidal thoughts, and pure hate of one’s self to be way too depressing for me. Arabelle takes drugs, smokes, cuts, drinks and parties to silence her shadows, which crop up whenever she’s not surrounded by friends or getting many modelling jobs. I nearly stopped reading the book but persevered through the sheer crushing weight of what she was going through. I found it frustrating how she would appear to get on top of her depression once she was doing well in her career, but it would start to overtake her again and she’d start to get insecure and depressed, and there never seemed to be greener grass for Arabelle.

Arabelle seems to be very fickle which frustrated me, she doesn’t know whether she likes men or women, whether she wants to stay or go in each country, and get up and leaves whenever she’s not getting enough jobs in a particular country. By the end of the novel, she even decides that modelling might not be for her and that she might pursue acting instead.

While this book isn’t quite the usual type of book I read, I think it’s important for a reader to expand one’s limits so you can peer into many perspectives and lives. Arabelle’s Shadows wasn’t a bad book by any stretch, but it was definitely one of the most depressing ones I’ve ever read – and knowing that it’s based on a true story is even worse. Like real life, there’s ups and downs, moments of inspiration, negative feelings, a time where people come and go. Perhaps that’s what made it a difficult read, I wanted Arabelle to find happiness, zen, success and to overcome her depression and the ending was too subtle for me. Others who are going through a similar time in their lives, who can relate to Arabelle or are looking for some spiritual awareness would enjoy this read more, but unfortunately it wasn’t for me.

I received this book from the author in exchange for an honest review. Keep in mind my rating is my personal opinion of the novel, based on how difficult it was to get through for me.

Jeann is an Aussie blogger, gamer, reader who loves to read, write, fangirl, geek out and eat food. You can find me glued to one of my many mobile devices 24/7, or fangirling over the latest YA book, TV show, movie or game. Chat with me on Twitter @happyindulgence

Hello there,Depression is a deceptive thing -its not simply being miserable or irritated or feeling blue.It's a loathsome thing that can assume control over all aspects of your life.Also,this book makes very much a good showing of communicating what it is similar to live with it.Have a good day.

Wow, this sounds like a bummer of a read, hah. I remember watching the first season of ANTM here, but I haven't seen it in forever–when it's in reruns I have to flip the channel because I know it's SO addictive and the next thing I know I'll have been sitting in front of the TV for 12 hours.

I'm sorry this didn't work out too well for you. I've always loved watching modeling shows like ANTM too. Not sure this is something I would enjoy much either though. Thanks for your thoughts!sarabara081 @ Foreve recently posted…Review + Giveaway: The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

I don't think I can handle reading a book with such a charged emotional content and so full of negative thinking, but it also sounds like an interesting story, one quite necessary to show that the world of modelling is not all shiny and rainbows!Pili recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday #16!

So sad it was depressing, while I admit I loathe reality tv and this type of life style…I wonder if this was more realistic that we think. Lovely review 🙂kimbacaffeinate recently posted…Somewhere to Dream by Genevieve Graham

It seems to me that this story can serve as a wake-up call for those who seem to be blinded by the glamorous side of modelling. We all know the importance of having a healthy self-esteem but it does take a lot of inner work to face "our own demons".Henrietta recently posted…The Iron Traitor – Julie Kagawa

This does not sound like a roaring good time of a read. Well done, you for suffering through it. I think books like these offer a lot more than those with roses and unicorns. Don't get me wrong, I love happy but if I want to to grow as a person, reading about someone's struggles and how they battled through it would be the way to go.

Great review, Jeann! I love ANTM too! (only the US version). I'm really interested in the modeling world — I've watched tons of documentaries but never read any books about the industry. I like that this talks about traveling and such, but I don't know if I would be able to handle the depression. It sounds really, really heavy, and I'm surprised you persevered and made it through.Becca @ Nawanda File recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday: Covers I Wish I Could Redesign

Reading about depressing books makes me depressed, too. You want to root for the protagonist, but if you don't find any ounce of maturity (Naak!), then it's just hard to read the rest of the story. (Watching ANTM is my guilty pleasure, too!)Dre @ Sporadic Reads recently posted…Fire Country by David Estes is FREE on Amazon!

I am sorry you found this book so depressing. See to me, being a Psychiatric Nurse, I am used to the drugs, depression, cutting, etc. It sounds like she had a lot of problems. What you put as negative would be a draw for me. I am probably going to read this. it may go to my A-Z challenge. I hope you find a good modeling book!!Mollydee recently posted…Book Win and Promotion!

Yeah, she definitely did have a lot of problems. You would certainly find it interesting seeing as it is your profession!

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Jeann

Jeann is an Aussie blogger, gamer, reader who loves to read, write, fangirl, geek out and eat food. You can find me glued to one of my many mobile devices 24/7, or fangirling over the latest YA book, TV show, movie or game.

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Jenna

Jenna is an Aussie blogger and reader who loves to indulge in great books and great food. You can usually find me binge reading series, fangirling with fellow readers, devouring pastries, or watching trivia game shows like The Chase Australia.