The Record-Review – The official newspaper of Bedford and Pound Ridge, New York

April 1, 2011

News of the Day

Hundreds gathered in Scotts Corners yesterday for the unveiling of the long-awaited cell tower in Pound Ridge. The tower, a joint effort between T-Mobile, Verizon and AT&T, was accomplished in an atmosphere of “extraordinary civility,” said Supervisor Gary Warshauer. The tower, in a lovely camouflage green, will provide uninterrupted cell service throughout the community. Praise for the tower was unanimous.

This just in from Albany: the teachers union has announced that they are tripling contributions to their retirement fund. “Seeing as the rest of the country is making sacrifices, we’ve decided to agree to fund a larger portion of our retirement,” stated a union official. “We realize that this is the time to give back. Next, we anticipate increasing our health care contributions as well.”

In an independent taste test, Bedford’s hamlet of Katonah water took a “Number One” in taste and purity. “It was delicious,” said a judge. “Denser than most.”

Another emphasized that some entries had a rich, dark color that enhanced the drinking pleasure.

State Senator Greg Ball took time out to visit Neighbors Link, the Hispanic outreach group, this week. “I’d like to honor the contributions of our Latino population,” Mr. Ball said. “We need to make significant changes in our system, including a path to citizenship for Hispanics, educational opportunities in our schools and a greater voice in our community.”

Hispanics hailed Mr. Ball for his contributions to understanding within the community, and his efforts to bridge conflicts between the region’s varied ethnic groups.

Bedford Village announced its first “Kitsch Festival” this week, featuring recently used and semi-vintage art and artifacts. “We’re tired of this history thing,” said organizers. “The village needs to shed its reputation as a place for moldy-oldies and starting thinking about the nuvie-juvies. People say this town started in 1680. Well, for us, history begins in 1960.”

The Oscar Mayer Wiener Man will be making an appearance on the Village Green.

The historic commission also announced that it would be adding homes with aluminum siding to their list of landmark buildings.

Indian Point unveiled new safety plans this week, following more reports of the nuclear accident in Japan. “Truth is, our 40-year-old plants weren’t supposed to last this long,” said an Entergy spokesperson. “They’re really not all that different from the ones that failed in Fukushima.

“We realize that our safety record has been horrible,” added the plant official. “Water that leaks poisonous tritium into local wells and the Hudson River, sirens that are nonworking or ineffective, and an evacuation plan that quite frankly isn’t worth the paper it is printed on.

“Even though federal regulations grossly favor the nuclear industry, we get energy subsidies, we have limited liability for our accidents, and we are making our shareholders a bundle, we have decided to do the right thing for millions of New Yorkers by beginning the process to decommission the plant,” said the spokesman.