Gwyneth Paltrow is this world’s most beautiful woman. We leaned this earlier today when we sat down at the computer and realized that People Magazine has once more been swayed by a rabid PR department. Now when you look at Paltrow on the cover of People’s special double issue (do they need the extra space to try to make their specious argument) don’t be surprised by the fact that the person looking back at you is not the most beautiful woman you’ve seen this year, let alone today.

People Magazine don’t choose their most beautiful women based solely on their appearance, or clearly in the case of Paltrow, on their personality or character. They rely on a secret algorithm combining who they think will sell the greatest number of magazines, the most persuasive PR people with the biggest bribe budget, and other elements unrelated to qualities most of us associate with beauty. This is how People wound up with a person with a gigantic too-wide mouth and Neanderthal-shaped face on this cover.

Check out the photo below as a surprised gent gets his testicles fondled by The World’s Most Beautiful Woman on the Graham Norton Show this week:

And here is a close up of the genital grope by the same World’s Most Beautiful Woman who graced the British TV talk show to sell cookbooks and her movie:

So there you go you folks – Gwyneth Paltrow at her most beautiful! Of course when she’s not selling cookbooks you can find her pimping out little girls to sell her kiddie bikinis:

It’s funny – this week Paltrow is the most beautiful but last week when normal people got to vote she was the most hated! What do you think?