Dear John – a break up note to a doctor

I don’t call Dr. M by his first name, nor is John necessarily his name. But I just made a final break with my old doctor. It actually makes me very sad, even though it’s for the best. I wrote him a two-page letter explaining in detail why I’m leaving him. I told him it’s not him, it’s his nurses. I wonder if he’s heard that before.

10 responses to “Dear John – a break up note to a doctor”

I am glad you wrote him a letter giving your reasons. Many patients would not have done that. Yes, he might have an inkling that something is right with his nurses but this puts it front and center. I hope you hear back from him Sarah.

I hope you hear back from him, and I hope he does something to address the situation. The first appointment at the new practice is tomorrow, right? I am assuming you will need a lot of new posts for the “before?” 🙂

I’ll bet you will hear back from him. I wrote a letter to my doctor explaining to him why I was choosing to see a peri. for my subsequent pregnancy, and he called me right away. It was a different situation, and not nearly so intense, but I still appreciated him calling me and telling me he understood. He also emphasized several times how much he appreciated me writing to him. I’m not sure many patients take the time to do that when leaving a doctor.

What a thoughtful thing to do. I hope, for the sake of his other patients, that he pays attention.

Afterwards, I felt almost as if I’d somehow failed my doctor. She has a high-risk practice, but the vast majority of her cases either have good results or end up with the parents deciding to terminate the pregnancy because of serious abnormalities. (which was the reason they were referred to her in the first place). She kept telling me how unusual my situation was — which seemed hard to believe — but I couldn’t think of a reason for her saying it if it wasn’t true.

So, I wrote her a letter, basically saying that, even though the pregnancy hadn’t worked out the way we’d hoped, I appreciated everything that she’d done for me. I guess, in a way, I felt kind of sorry for her.

Niobe, my midwife cried with me after Z.’s transfer, before we knew her diagnosis was wrong. I think people who are in the business of medicine for the right reasons are full of compassion and connection.