sex calories

The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) : 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) : 274 calories

Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.

Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) : 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom : 25 calories (Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)
From the rear (Mysterious variation) : 40 1/2 calories
Standing
– Both partners of equal height : 18 calories
– Woman 1 foot taller than a man : 90 calories (The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction.)
– While in traction : 124 calories

Pulling Out
After orgasm : 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm : 500 calories

Multiple Orgasms
For woman
– 2 : 14 calories
– 5 : 30 calories
– 8 : 47 calories
Depending on greed and her rate of recovery, a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of “reduced sanity” that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped.

For Men
– 2 : 21 calories
– 3 : 39 calories
– 4 : 57 calories
For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec’s of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the footy on the tv.

Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
Swooning : 6 calories
Palpitations : 10 calories
Shortness of breath : 5 calories
Perspiring : 8 calories

Recovering
Un-entwining : 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pelvis : 7 calories (After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk (put one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice.)
Standing up : 9 calories
Getting some juice : 11 calories

Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse : 18 calories (Classic behavior for shiftless men who believe they’ve done their job and are now entitled to a rest. This “rest” may include snoring.)
During intercourse : 32 calories (Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)
During foreplay : 12 calories (Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)

Trying Again
If the woman is ready : 5 calories
If the man is not : 156 calories

Masturbation
For pleasure only : 6 calories
For exercise, too : 10 calories
For relief from tension : 12 calories
To pass the time : 7 calories
To avoid overeating : 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self : 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self : 10 1/4 calories
To avoid insanity : 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date : 9 calories
In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and binge’s, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.