Brett Ratner — filmmaker (X-Men: The Last Stand, Rush Hour) and 2012 Oscar telecast producer (with Don Mischer) — appeared on the Howard Stern radio show today. In addition to telling Stern and his listeners that he had never actually "banged" Olivia Munn (who had claimed in a book that she had seen him masturbating with shrimp-greasy hands), Ratner bragged that he made Lindsay Lohan (photo) take an STD test before having sex with her.

"I’m like a cootie freak. I’m a germaphobe. I’m a hypochondriac. Before I go all the way, I send the girl to the doctor and check them for everything. My doctor has a test to tell if you’re going to catch something in the future even."

Earlier today, Ratner apologized for saying that "rehearsals are for fags" during a Tower Heist q&a at Arclight Hollywood on Friday. Later today, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences president Tom Sherak, who believes Ratner's gay-slur apology was genuine, said that Ratner will remain as Oscar show co-producer.

Sherak added that Ratner could not — would not — make another such public faux pas. It's unclear whether Sherak was aware of the Olivia Munn banging tale or about Lindsay Lohan's STD test, though, really, Ratner's sex life is his own. If only he'd remember that himself.

Twitter has been abuzz with suggestions for Brett Ratner Oscar ceremony replacements, ranging from Julie Taymor and James Cameron to Albert Brooks and Baz Luhrmann ("Anything that gets him off 'Gatsby'"). Ah, Béla Tarr and Lars von Trier, too.

"I’m like a cootie freak. I’m a germaphobe. I’m a hypochondriac. Before I go all the way, I send the girl to the doctor and check them for everything. My doctor has a test to tell if you’re going to catch something in the future even."

Over the last few days, I’ve gotten a well-deserved earful from many of the people I admire most in this industry expressing their outrage and disappointment over the hurtful and stupid things I said in a number of recent media appearances. To them, and to everyone I’ve hurt and offended, I’d like to apologize publicly and unreservedly.

As difficult as the last few days have been for me, they cannot compare to the experience of any young man or woman who has been the target of offensive slurs or derogatory comments. And they pale in comparison to what any gay, lesbian, or transgender individual must deal with as they confront the many inequalities that continue to plague our world.

So many artists and craftspeople in our business are members of the LGBT community, and it pains me deeply that I may have hurt them. I should have known this all along, but at least I know it now: words do matter. Having love in your heart doesn’t count for much if what comes out of your mouth is ugly and bigoted. With this in mind, and to all those who understandably feel that apologies are not enough, please know that I will be taking real action over the coming weeks and months in an effort to do everything I can both professionally and personally to help stamp out the kind of thoughtless bigotry I’ve so foolishly perpetuated.

As a first step, I called Tom Sherak this morning and resigned as a producer of the 84th Academy Awards telecast. Being asked to help put on the Oscar show was the proudest moment of my career. But as painful as this may be for me, it would be worse if my association with the show were to be a distraction from the Academy and the high ideals it represents.

I am grateful to GLAAD for engaging me in a dialogue about what we can do together to increase awareness of the important and troubling issues this episode has raised and I look forward to working with them. I am incredibly lucky to have a career in this business that I love with all of my heart and to be able to work alongside so many of my heroes. I deeply regret my actions and I am determined to learn from this experience.