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Topic: Gifting money on the death of a relative (Read 3137 times)

Whomever is closest to the lady should -ask-. Some families need help with expenses, some would prefer food or flowers, others like a memorial charity donation. Any of the above, done with good intentions, should be appropriate.

When my own mother died a few years ago, one elderly acquaintance of hers did send me a check for $25 (made payable to me) inside her sympathy letter.

At first I didn't know quite what to do with the money. I was very fortunate that my mother had a pre-paid funeral plan, and all of her other bills had been paid up-to-date, so I didn't need the money for final expenses. I decided to endorse the check over to the public library in my mother's home town. (I checked with the librarian first.) It was used to buy a memorial book with an inscription saying it was from the acquaintance, and I wrote the acquaintance a nice letter thanking her and telling her what I had done.

Everyone else who contacted me after my mother's death either just expressed sympathy, or arranged their own order of flowers or memorial gift.

I thought any of those gestures were just fine. I was pleased that others remembered my mother kindly. I think what the club members want to do is OK, in other words.

I think it matters who is paying the funeral costs. I would find it odd to be giving cash to a daughter if the mother had a husband who was paying for the funeral, for example.

Perhaps. Although when I received cash in an envelope from an aunt-in-law after my mother's death, I knew that she intended it to help my father with expenses from the funeral, so I forwarded it to him.

Perhaps. Although when I received cash in an envelope from an aunt-in-law after my mother's death, I knew that she intended it to help my father with expenses from the funeral, so I forwarded it to him.

That I do not find odd. I think my personal experience has jaded me a bit on this.