Author
Topic: How do I kick out a bandmate?

Everyone has good suggestions. It sounds like everyone wants this drummer out of the band because the chemistry isn't quite there, but no one wants to be the "bad guy." Sometimes, you have to play "bad cop." If someone isn't cutting it in the band, you either gotta let them go, drama be damned; or work with them if they're willing to improve. Unfortunately, that could take a while. I'm currently the crummiest musician in my band and our drummer had to invest more time than he'd have liked getting me up to snuff, but the reason I'm still in the band is because I want to improve, I put in the effort to improve, and I'm reliable/pull my weight. My band's had several lineup changes (I'm currently bassist #3), so our poor drummer's had to play "bad cop" a lot because he's not afraid to speak his mind and be forthright, and he wants that from everyone in the band so the band can get to brass tacks right away without the b.s. and move forward.

My cousin's facing a similar dilemma. He's in a band where the drummer is brilliant with his hands (he played quads in drum corps) but has two left feet, and that kills the chemistry with him and the guitarist. Unfortunately, the drummer and the guitarist are brothers. I don't know what their situation is now.

My other friend's band had to let their drummer go (this is the 3rd band this drummer's been ousted from). He has skill, but his timing isn't always on point because he doesn't practice much. My friend offered to let the guy borrow his electronic drumkit so he could practice with headphones without disturbing anyone, but he said "nah, man, that ain't my kit" which IMO is a flimsy excuse. So I feel like in this case, a golden egg solution was offered, but the guy wasn't willing to make the sacrifice to improve.

As far as being the "de-facto leader". Maybe in theory, but not officially, and that all depends upon who you talk to. Fiddle player says she thinks of me that way, and winter bass player most likely does (probably both fiddle player and me together), but that's precisely what the drummer seems to be constantly fighting: that we're all equals, and there is no leader. Currently she's fighting off the fiddle player, but she's usually on my case. I don't really care, personally. I don't really feel comfortable "taking command" if not everyone else wants it. But I would like to demand that everyone hold their own. Fiddle and bass totally pull their weight, I give them very little "commands", and always couch them in suggestions and subjective ideas with the clear understanding that they could take it or leave it, I trust their judgement enough that I don't think my own ideas are necessarily superior. But to be blunt, I don't feel that way about the drummer. She doesn't pull her weight, and she's not creative, so I'm constantly coming up with parts for her... but she doesn't like doing creative things (she picks one beat and plays it over and over again, no fills, very little alteration), and when I make suggestions she pushes back and tries to reassert that we're all equals. "get off my lawn" mentality (yeah, she leans that way politically, too, which makes sense).

But that's just the thing. You're NOT equals. She's angry and pushing this equality nonsense on you guys because she realizes her voice in the band is comparatively small, nobody likes her, and she's counting on people being too weak-willed to tell her she's out. She's basically emotionally blackmailing you lot and playing on your desires to try and make everyone happy, and from the sounds of it, its working. Don't fall for her manipulations.

You have to realize that, while on paper the "nobody's leader" thing sounds fine, group dynamics don't work like that. There is always an anchor member of the group, and people will look to him or her when things hit the fan. If that person is you, well, sure you have to respect and acknowledge everyone's opinion, but the the majority is swinging against a certain member you have to make the hard decision, otherwise it'll end up pulling your hard work apart. I don't mean to sound callous, because I sympathize with your desire to make everyone happy, but there comes a time when there's just no way to reconcile one individual's behavior with the rest of the group and you're forced to man up and tell him/her to hit the road. From everything you've said it's past time your drummer needed to be told not to let the door hit her ass on the way out.

I mostly pop in occasionally to give my two cents on certain controversial things, so if you disagree then send a PM, because I generally don't check for replies in threads in case I feel like replying and then things get heated/derailed.

And make sure they make it look like an accident. If they trace the order back to you, you're still fucked. You do not want a vengeful whatever to hunt you down and throw you in some kind of murder game. That would suck.