Archive for February, 2017

Picture one tiny bright yellow flower …bravely sticking its head up and smiling…living out loud, all alone in about an acre and a quarter of dead brown grass and mud…on a frozen hillside, on a February afternoon in Pennsylvania. That’s what today’s podcast is about. It was such a surprising sight that it didn’t register right away. I walked right past it on the way to the mailbox. It wasn’t till I got back inside…and warmed up a little…that something went “Pow” in my head. One tiny little bright yellow flower bravely sticking its head up and smiling, living out loud, all alone in about an acre and a quarter of dead, brown, February grass. It’s a very welcome little guest now, sitting in a little dish on our dinner table. Still smiling at us…like a little crack in a frozen solid February…letting some very early Spring light and warmth in. And it reminds me of how my Lady Wonder Wench came into my life.

The smart guys in the white lab coats call it an Eranthis Hyemalis. But in today’s podcast, I just call it Barbara’s February Flower because Barbara is my Lady’s name. Barbara’s February Flower is a tiny bright yellow flower…about the size of a dandelion. And I found it growing next to our driveway yesterday. In order for you to understand why I think she’ll find a way to keep it, you need to know that I’m recording this podcast near the end of February…in Pennsylvania. As in it’s so cold you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk. And please…no more snow. You say, “Hello” but nobody hears you because the words freeze and fall down on the sidewalk. Picture one tiny bright yellow flower …bravely sticking its head up and smiling…living out loud, all alone in about an acre and a quarter of dead brown grass and mud…on a frozen hillside, on a February afternoon in Pennsylvania.

Today’s podcast is about once upon a time, many, many years ago, I was cutting down a pine tree in my most manly way, and my ax split off a small chunk of wood that had a smaller plug inside. You know how a hot dog looks in a bun? That’s kind of what it looked like. It was… unusual. And it smelled wonderful…it was pine. So I gave it to my Lady Wonder Wench. She still has it on her dresser all these years later. She keeps treasures like that…shells from various beaches we’ve visited on vacations we’ve enjoyed…a very old shirt of mine that she used to wear at night when I was away on business…A Christmas poem I wrote for her, many Christmases ago…a ring I made out of the top of an old snap top soda can. They’re like 3D selfies of the times of our lives. I’m pretty sure I found something to add to her collection yesterday. The smart guys in the white lab coats call it an Eranthis Hyemalis. But I just call it Barbara’s February Flower because Barbara is my Lady’s name.

Today’s podcast contains startling news! A woman doesn’t have to be pretty to be sexy. She just needs a clean body and a dirty mind…and a nice smile. Women are amazing. I love watching my Lady’s bright blue eyes make a rainbow path through a shower’s steam…I lose all track of time when I find her by following the trail of perfume she leaves behind her. Mother nature’s little girl, all grown up…soft, and smiling and beautiful in the night.

T.G.I.F means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s setting your hair on fire out your other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. Statisticians tell us that 43% of American single men didn’t go on a date last year. Some dating sites claim that American married men seem to do much better. If the answer is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it” what is the question. Don’t know do you. Of course not. I’ll tell you in a minute. Animal experts claim that most parrots are left handed. I guess you could call them south claws. But you wouldn’t would you. It says here that a humpback whale can eat 5,000 fish in one sitting. I didn’t know they could sit. Must be very sturdy chairs. The smart guys in white lab coats tell us that drinking 500 cups of coffee in four hours can give you a heart attack. Especially if someone else is using the only toilet in the place. If the answer is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it” the question is “What’s the biggest lie we tell ourselves every day?” “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.” Ok please grab a post it note and write this down…”You heard it here first.” Good. Now stick that note on your forehead please. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here. If you like these podcasts, or the spoken word story CDs at www.dicksummer.com or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, available at Amazon, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.

Everybody’s hair is on fire these days. People are scared these days. Today’s podcast explains why I’m glad the sun turns off at night. Night times give us a little time and space for fantasies and dreams. Men can usually smell a woman’s fantasies, and we can’t help but hope they’re about us. If you’re a woman having a fantasy that you want to transmit to some guy…just smile at him. That’s a huge turn on for guys.

Times are tough these days. But, the nights are better…as long as you’re prepared. Today’s podcast is part of the preparation, give it a listen. And don’t let the sun go down until you’ve spotted at least one sign that says something funny because one of the letters fell off. Don’t let the sun go down till you’ve given your special smile to at least one person… I mean your super dazzler…don’t let the sun go down without remembering one good thing about being a kid. In general, don’t let the sun go down till you’re ready for the night. The night is special. The night has bold fingers that can slip into your naked places. Soft lips sometimes hide sharp teeth. Sandpaper whispers are sometimes hiding in the dark. You’ve got to ask yourself if you can trust your naked heart in the night…your only, naked heart.

When I was a kid, I had a dog. Whistle we called him. He was a combination terrier and Alaskan hussy. He had a flat nose as I explained in today’s podcast, it was from chasing parked cars. We lived in Brooklyn…what can I tell you. Brooklyn people often keep dogs to protect themselves from muggers and other bad guys that they’d never run into if they didn’t have to walk their dogs. Dogs lead a confusing life. If you’ve ever walked into a room and wondered why you were there you will understand how a dog lives his whole life. You own a dog, but you just feed a cat. Cats are much smarter than dogs. If a cat does something stupid, he just licks his paws as if to say, “I meant to do that.” And struts off. If you dress your dog up like a cat on Halloween, he won’t come if you call him. And be careful to not spill spot remover on your dog…he’ll disappear. They say a cowboy once bought a Dashund, because some people kept telling him to get a long little doggie. I am so sorry. No I’m not.

Life these days is especially tough for guys. I explained it in today’s podcast. You swim the deepest river for her, you climb the highest mountain for her, you cross the widest desert for her, and she keeps complaining you’re never home. And how come at Walmart they always have someone demonstrating stuff in the house wares department, but never in the lingerie department. That’s just not fair. And what is double virgin olive oil? I remember one of the girls in high school…Jeanie… made that claim, but it wasn’t until our first kiss that I understood it. She closed her eyes, and I closed mine…and we missed. When I got a little older I learned a really important lesson. Kisses are like tears…you can’t stop the real ones. That’s because your heart has reasons your head can’t understand. They don’t teach you that in school, but I think they should.

It seems to me that everybody’s hair is on fire these days. People are scared. In today’s podcast, I mentioned that when opportunity knocks these days, by the time you look through the peephole, put your shot gun away, tie up your Doberman and slide back the dead lock to open your door, opportunity is long gone. Politics have been going from bad to worse every year, and this year they got there. There’s an explanation for that right there in the word politics. Poli means many. And tics are small, blood sucking parasites. That’s called using the right word for identifying the problem.