A Married Man: I Feel Terrible for Having Sex with a Woman

01 December, 2019

Q
Salam. I am really in a very bad stage. I am a married man. I had sex with a girl who got pregnant. I am so confused now. I feel so guilty of my sin. How would I let my family know about this and my wife? But what I am concerned about the most is Allah's punishment.

Answer

• I encourage both of you to seek marriage counseling before she decides to go forward with her marriage to you or not.

•You will have to decide how you will treat her fairly. Make arrangements concerning your upcoming child.

•Repent to Allah, fix yourself and your family on a righteous path, and ensure you take care of your child and the mother.

As-salamu alaikum,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand your situation, you are married and you are expecting a child with another woman who is not your wife. You feel very bad about the situation and worry about Allah’s forgiveness.

A Hurtful Situation

Brother, I do not know how long you have been married, nor how many months pregnant the other woman is. However, it is definitely going to be a most hurtful situation for your wife and the families involved.

Be the First to Inform

I will kindly suggest insha’Allah, that you do inform your wife and family about the situation. It will be very difficult for you to do I am sure. However, the truth is going to come forth regardless. It will look better if you were the one who tells it.

Ensuring Care

I also kindly suggest that however your wife reacts and feels that you try to be understanding and respect where she is coming from. She is probably going to be devastated and very hurt. She may take time to heal and trust again, or she may decide to leave. Only Allah knows. I kindly suggest that you both seek marriage counseling should she decide to go forward with her marriage to you.

As far as the other woman is concerned, I am not sure if you plan to make her your wife as well, or if she was a casual encounter, or if there’s any kind of relationship. In regards to her, you will have to decide how you will treat her fairly. Make arrangements concerning your upcoming child.

We Learn and Repent

Insha’Allah, brother, this experience showed you how wise it is to follow our Islamic values and not sin. Sin is not only disobedience but it can bring much devastation and hurt. As humans, we often do not think about these things; thus, the good practice of remembrance of Allah at all times.

Check out this counseling video

Allah is Most Merciful

Dear brother, Allah states that he will forgive everything but shirk if we sincerely repent to Him. I suggest that you do make repentance to Allah for your sins. Make duaa to Allah that He also grants mercy upon those that are affected by your transgression. Perhaps this will be a turning point in your life wherein you will take more serious consideration of your actions.

Your situation is not unique. Sadly, there are many situations such as these. The main point dear brother is to repent to Allah, fix yourself and your family on a righteous path, and ensure you take care of your child and the mother.

Trying to Rebuild

Insha’Allah you and your wife will be able to rebuild your marriage. Insha’Allah you will make an Islamic decision regarding the woman that you got pregnant so that she does not have to suffer or do without as well. The child that is coming into this world is a blessing and a gift despite the origin of conception. It is not the child’s fault.

Please, do let us know how you are doing,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.