Fact-checkers should branch out beyond politics

"So," he asked his teenage son, Brad, "how did it go in school today?"

"Fine," Brad said.

"ACTUALLY," said a tinny voice, "HE FAILED TWO QUIZZES, SPENT HIS LUNCH MONEY ON TWIZZLERS AND WAS SHOVED INSIDE A LOCKER BY A BULLY."

"What was that?" Brad demanded.

"Fact-checker," said his father. "We just subscribed for a six-month trial offer."

"You're kidding."

"The last election demonstrated how important it to have fact-checkers when candidates are lying," George explained. "Now a company has figured out how to sell fact-checking programs to workplaces and private households."

"ACTUALLY," said the voice, "YOU WERE ROOTING UNDER HIS MATTRESS THIS MORNING AND FOUND A STACK OF HUSTLER MAGAZINES AND CIGARETTES."

"I-I …" she stammered. "I was just making the bed."

"YOU HAVEN'T MADE A BED IN 10 YEARS," said the voice. "YOUR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE A PIG STY."

She flushed and said, "Well, since we're on the subject, how long have you been smoking, Brad?"

"I was holding them for a friend!"

The voice cleared its throat.

"OK, I smoke! But you shouldn't be snooping in my room!"

"It was the first time."

"REALLY, MARGIE."

"Don't call me Margie! You don't know me that well!"

Her husband chuckled. "Now, honey," he said, "I guess we'll all have to be more truthful, just like political candidates."

"OK, Mr. Truthful," Marjorie snapped. "What's with the withdrawals you've been making from our checking account?"

"That? Um, just doing some early Christmas shopping."

"HOOKERS," said the voice.

"You know," George said, "I'm not sure this is going to work out."

Brad jumped up. "Sure, it's fine when that thing's spying on me, but you want to be able to keep lying! So let's see: Who do you guys like better, me or Trixie?" He looked pointedly at his little sister. "You let her get away with everything!"

"No they don't!" Trixie responded. "You're a big butthead."

"HIS HEAD IS OF NORMAL PROPORTIONS," said the Fact-Checker.

Marjorie said, "Brad, we love both of you equally."

"ACTUALLY," said the Fact-Checker, "GEORGE PREFERS BRAD, SINCE HE STILL SUSPECTS TRIXIE WAS FATHERED BY YOUR HANDSOME YOGA INSTRUCTOR."

"That's a lie!" said Marjorie. "Lance only gave me extra attention because some of my positions needed tweaking."

"I bet," said George.

"I can't take this!" Marjorie shouted. "Why don't you tear that thing out of the wall?"

"But we paid six months in advance."

"Good grief, why are you so cheap?!"

"I wouldn't say I'm cheap."

The voice said, "HE PEELS THE BANANAS BEFORE HE WEIGHS THEM AT THE SUPERMARKET."

"That was just once!"

"OK, Mr. Skinflint," said Marjorie. "Let's put you on the hot seat. Do you think I'm getting fat?"