Lorelai: This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.

Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and oh look, it's only 10! How nice!

Luke: There's no coffee.

Lorelai: That's not funny.

Luke: I can get you herbal tea.

Lorelai: This is not a herbal tea morning, this is a coffee morning.

Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.

Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an I.V.

Luke: I can give you tea and a balance bar.

Lorelai: Please, please, please, tell me you're kidding!

Luke: I'm kidding. [went to get the coffee]

Lorelai: You're sick!

Luke: Yup!

Lorelai: You're a sadist, you're a fiend! [Luke comes out with the pot of coffee] You're pretty!

Lorelai: Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?

Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.

Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.

Rory: Why? What does it mean?

Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.

Rory: You're kidding.

Lorelai: No.

Rory: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?

Lorelai: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert…again. Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.

Rory: You ask a simple question…

[Lorelai wakes Rory up on her birthday at 4:03 am, the moment she was born, to tell her the story of her birth, a birthday tradition]

Lorelai: [whispering as if this is a fairytale] And it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position --

Rory: Oh, boy. Here we go.

Lorelai: Only I had a huge, fat stomach and big fat ankles and I was swearing like a sailor--

Rory: On leave.

Lorelai: On leave -- right! And there I was --

Rory: In labor.

Lorelai: And while some have called it the most meaningful experience of your life, to me it was something more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.

Lorelai: [dreamily to herself] The world changes when it snows. It's quiet. Everything softens.

Michel: It's your mother.

Lorelai: And then the rain comes.

Luke: [to Lorelai, about the town Reenactment] Tradition is a trap that allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Time's were simpler, kids didn't have sex, neighbors knew each other. It's a friggin' fairy tale. Things sucked then too, they just sucked without indoor plumbing.

Lane: Okay, to me that said, "Hey Mom, you work hard, you deserve something fancy". Now to my mother, it said, "Hey Mom, here's some smelly sex juice, the kind I use to lure boys with", and resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.

Lorelai: I feel like this is one of those moments when I should be remembering all the great times I had with my dad, you know. The time he took me shopping for a Barbie or to the circus or fishing and my mind is a complete blank.

Lorelai: No it didn't. We never did any of that. He went to work, he came home, he read the paper, he went to bed, I snuck out the window. Simple. He was a very by the numbers guy. I was never very good with numbers.

Luke: I'm sure he loves you.

Lorelai: You know my dad is not a bad guy.

Luke: I'm sure he's not.

Lorelai: He lived his life the way he thought he was supposed to. He followed the rules taught to him by his non-fishing-non-Barbie-buying dad. He worked hard. He bought a nice house. He provided for my mom. All he asked in return was for his daughter to wear white dresses and go to cotillion and want the same life that he had. What a disappointment it must have been for him to get me.

Luke: I can't imagine anyone seeing you as a disappointment.

Luke: [as Lorelai avoids going into her father's hospital room] So, who are you going to go find now?

Rory: Buttercup is a special dog. She's extremely skittish and tends to react badly towards blonde haired females, brunette males, children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage or anyone in a uniform.

Rory: And she stopped cleaning it's cage. Instead, every day she'd stuff some Kleenex in there.

Luke: You didn't.

Lorelai: It was the quilted kind.

Rory: So this keeps going on and the cage is just a cage full of Kleenex that moves a little, and the smell - really good.

Luke: I can imagine.

Lorelai: No, no, you can't!

Rory: So she takes the cage to the place where we bought him, waits for the sales guy to go behind the desk, and dumps it on the counter, then bolts.

Luke: You abandoned your hamster?

Lorelai: Look, I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster. This was like a "Damien" hamster with little beady eyes and a big forked tail and a cape with a hood and... bye bye Buttercup. Bye, Luke.

Lorelai: I have like six thousand pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life, and a job and business school's not the only thing I have to concentrate on, I'm behind and I'll probably fail, and then that little eighteen year old annoying gnat who sits behind me will get another A and make that 'I'm smart, you're dumb' face to me for the rest of the week and I'll be very upset and will possibly cry.

Rory: The music's too loud?

Lorelai: Yes.

Rory: Got it.

Michel: [to Lorelai] Well, not everyone is cut out to be their own boss. Maybe you are more of a worker bee, a follower, a ticket ripper, or the man at the concert with the orange glow stick directing you where to park.

Lorelai: The clock stops ringing when you throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back asleep. You, however never shut-up no matter how hard I throw you against the wall, thus ensuring the wake-up process.

Lorelai: Who wants cheese?

Rory: Are there crackers?

Lorelai: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes, there are crackers.

Lorelai: [to Rory, about Luke] We're picking out paint colors tonight so it's going to be hours of "yes," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "no," until my world-famous perseverence wears him down and he winds up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl. Wanna come watch?

Lorelai: No, Saturday's the day of pre-rest, see? Then by the time you get to Sunday, you're rested enough...to enjoy your rest.

Rory: That made absolutely no sense.

Lorelai: That's because it's 6:00 in the morning!

Rory: Some people like getting up early.

Lorelai: You lie.

Paris: Unbelievable! She’s here five minutes she has a date. I’ve been going to this school nine years and I’m the French soda monitor.

Lorelai: Yeah, you do know honey that garbage doesn’t actually talk at all unless it’s on Sesame Street.

Lorelai: That doesn’t make sense. This is Dean we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It’s one step away from stalker material.

Lorelai: I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.

Emily: Do you know that every night at dinner the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun. They would quiz each other about current events, historical events and intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and wordly as the Kennedy's so come on someone say something.

Lorelai: Did you know that a butt model makes $10,000 a day?

Lorelai: Mother, Grandma is a very old woman, I highly doubt that she's going to remember everything she ever bought you.

Emily: She will remember down to the very last shrimp fork and do you know why?

Lorelai: No. [to statue of two dogs] Do you guys know why?

Emily: Because she doesn't just give you a present, she gives you a present and she tells you where to put it, how to use it, what it costs - for insurance purposes of course - and God forbid you should have a different opinion or you don't think it works in the space or you just get tired of waking up every morning with those horrifying animals staring at you!

Luke: It was broken. I noticed last time I was here. It could hurt somebody.

Lorelai: Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

Luke: You're gonna wake the neighbors.

Lorelai: UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.

Grant, the first troubadour: You see, that proves it! He doesn't respect the code. You're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to run a Kinko's. You're supposed to speak through your music. That's the whole point.