10 Bizarre Kiddie Cartoon Conspiracy Theories

By JenniferLewis

Aug. 30, 2012

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You know what really creeps us out? This, this, this, and kids’ TV show conspiracy theories. The Internet is full of ’em, and they’re slowly but surely ruining our childhoods. Well — maybe only the particularly gruesome ones are truly messing with our minds, but how are we supposed to handle the widely acknowledged idea that the Rugrats babies were dead the whole time? Of course, far-fetched theories as such should be taken with a grain of salt, but we can’t help but sprout goosebumps at the thought of a sad little Chuckie Finster ghost. We’ve gathered 10 fascinating cartoon theories that will leave you itching for some series marathons, if only to prove or disprove these wacky proposals.

We all know Angelica is a little nutty, but the Rugrats theory takes it to a whole new level. Get this — “The Rugrats really were a figment of Angelica’s imagination. Chuckie died a long time ago along with this mother; that’s why Chaz is a nervous wreck all the time. Tommy was a stillborn; that’s why Stu is constantly in the basement making toys for the son who never had a chance to live. The DeVilles had an abortion. Angelica couldn’t figure whether it would be a boy or a girl, thus creating the twins.” Okay, well that potentially explains why Angelica can speak to both the adults and the babies, but we’re still not entirely convinced. What about Susie?!

We’re bringing you two theories for SpongeBob Squarepants; the Nuclear Testing Theory and the Drug Theory. Like most things on the Internet, our first SpongeBob theory is from Reddit — “The existence of Spongebob and his strange friends is the result of radiation from nuclear arms testing that was performed on the Bikini Atoll in the late ’40s and early ’50s. Since they live under the atoll, the town is known as ‘Bikini Bottom’.” Out of all these theories, this one makes the most sense. After all, the show was created by a former marine biologist.

Next up, we have a theory that “SpongeBob SquarePants is all about drugs,” appropriately offered by a user on stonerforums.com. “SpongeBob SquarePants is on meth amphetamines. He’s always really, really happy, energetic, and occasionally paranoid. If he ever is in a bad mood, it’s the result of a major crash. He goes from really happy to really sad or really angry. There’s no middle ground. Patrick Star is a stoner. He laughs at stupid things and eats all the time. He must go through, like, a pound of weed a week. Squidward Tenticle is on heroin. He’s always down and he yells at SpongeBob for being hyped up and energetic. Mr. Krab is on coke. He’s really uppity and he’s always concerned about money — coke is expensive. Sandy Cheeks is just an alcoholic. She ruins every episode she’s in because she’s always drinking.”

We don’t believe this one, mostly because there were episodes with photos and flashbacks to Arnold’s parents, but there’s a big Hey Arnold! theory that Arnold’s wacky grandparents are, in fact, his real parents, and his “football head” is the result of a deformity — “Arnold Chiari syndrome.”

Here’s another fun one from Reddit — “The original Scooby-Doo series is set after a horrible economic depression. Everything is abandoned and falling apart, and all of the villains are people who would normally be respected (professors, museum curators, celebrities) who have fallen into hard times just like everyone else.”

Cracked lends us an interesting theory on The Flintstones, which explains the family’s Christmas celebrations and modern technology in what we believed to be B.C. “Remember, The Flintstones originally aired from 1960 to 1966, at the height of the Cold War. What if a nuclear showdown between the Soviets and Americans was what blew Bedrock to kingdom come? What if the Flintstones are us in the future, clinging to the best of our past as we rebuild? The familiar technology, entertainment and religion are all that remain from the fractured memories of a shattered history that never was.”

Here’s another intense one from a Soompi user — “The three Girls — Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup — are all fractions of one host personality, whose name is unknown to the audience, but for convenience’s sake we will call her Brenda. The cause for the development of Multiple-Personality Disorder in Brenda originates from bullying in early childhood by her older brother, whose actual character is unknown to the audience, but is manifested in Brenda’s hallucinations as Mojo Jojo, the Girls’ greatest nemesis.” Thoughts? Click the link for the author’s extended explanation.

This theory originated with a long post on 4chan, but it essentially implies that Ed, Edd n Eddy‘s cul-de-sac is cursed, and its former residents died before they grew up and are therefore stuck at the cul-de-sac on another plane, much like purgatory.

Here’s one that gives us chills — the theory that Jon and Odie don’t exist. “Garfield is actually dying of starvation and just imagining Jon and Odie. There was a reference to this in a Halloween-themed comic. Garfield woke up in a condemned and abandoned house. He calls out for Odie and Jon, but there is no answer. He then wills the illusion back on himself, and continues his delusions about his ‘family’.” Check out the creepy comic here.

This Courage the Cowardly Dogtheory could be real, right? “Courage is actually a normal dog and he sees the world through a dog’s eyes. All the villains in the show are just normal people, but to a little dog they seem scary. They don’t actually live in the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too old to take him outside for walks, he only knows what’s around his immediate property, and everything beyond that is nothing because he’s never seen it.”

How could a kid have a laboratory in his house, you ask? One theory insists that he didn’t — it was all in his head. As a socially awkward introvert, Dexter relied heavily on his imagination. His “rivals” were his few friends with similarly huge imaginations, and when they played together, the usual fantastical Dexter’s Lab shenanigans would ensue. Dexter’s big imagination also explains his bizarre accent.