In the introduction, I touched on how love is often defined by how a person makes them feel. God is love and He is spirit., which means love is spiritual. Galatians 5:22 highlights the fruits of His Spirit. Love is the first one listed, and it’s not there randomly. Out of love comes joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Without love, none of these qualities can be. You may ask yourself, how does this tie into the topic intimacy of covenant. What I’m giving you is a foundation to incorporate into your definition and outlook of love. I used to have a list of qualities that I wanted in a woman. The fruits of God’s spirit weren’t included. Being equally yoked is also having and embracing the same definition of what love is and looks like in a godly relationship. A reason relationships fail are because of contrasting thoughts and opinions of what love is. It’s difficult arriving to a mutual agreement when perspectives clash. And yes, I agree there’s beauty, intrigue and excitement in diversity and difference of opinion and how a person thinks. However, when it to comes to a Christ-like union, there must be a common ground and a path bigger, but narrow enough for you to walk on with the love of your life. By bigger, I’m alluding to the ability to be unselfish and share your life with someone else. By narrow, when two marry, they become one flesh, walking side by side in agreement with each other. You must be equally yoked in Christ to walk the narrow path of holiness and godliness in a persuasive and secular world. Light and darkness can’t occupy the same space.

I want you to understand something that’s very poignant here. The deeper your intimacy is with God, more depth and substance is added to how you love. The gifts of wisdom and understanding will help you love in an impacting way. I speak of the kind of loving that transforms and opens another eye to see Christ in you when its inconvenient to. Your spouse should see more of Christ in you than you. The scales fell from Paul eyes represents a new life, a new vision, a new purpose and a new love. Paul transitioned from a life of persecuting Christians to a life of becoming one. Believers in Christ couldn’t comprehend this drastic and sudden change. That is to say, we cannot fully comprehend the love, the thoughts and the ways of God. We should be transformed from our former life and former way of loving to Holy Spirit way of loving. This doesn’t mean we’re going to be perfect. It means we are to surrender, commit and be active in treating others the way God shows grace and mercy towards us.

Many of you are praying for a sign of confirmation if you met the one. Look to see the fruits of God’s spirit are in the person you’re investing time with.

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I’m not the kind of man that would write a woman off if she’s of a different culture or race. Neither would I if she initially isn’t a believer in Christ. God has used both men and women to win their soon to be spouses over to him. Seeing this into fruition takes walking in the fruits of the Spirit that’s outlined in Galatians 5: 22. You would need the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Truly anything is possible with God and when you are walking in these fruits of God’s Holy Spirit. They saying goes, “age doesn’t matter.” Yes that’s true, but my response to that statement is maturity does. A person could be younger numerically, but have the emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to be consistent, understanding, an effective communicator and having an authentic identity of the self. Couples with significant age gaps, that would make others on the outside snarl at them, work because God joined together. What I want to draw your attention to is being equally yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14 has become more of a reality to me. It’s one thing to know something intellectually. It’s a different experience when something becomes revelation to you. It’s fulfilling and refreshing when the word of God is experienced. After being single for a while, I’ve evolved in a way of taking my relationship with Christ more seriously. God began speaking to me loudly years ago about having a more intimate relationship with him. This is still a journey I’m trying to master. Since then, I changed my entire approach to how I engage and court women, which is doing love God’s way. In the past, I haven’ t always been successful. However, in recent encounters, I’ve stood my ground with sex before marriage. I can honestly say now, the desire to have sex before marriage is less desirable. I’m not moved by physical attraction and women who throw their selves at me in an attempt to seduce me. In fact, it’s a turnoff. Seduction and sensuality is a turnoff when you’re walking in the spirit. I’ve actually asked God to take away my desire for sex until marriage. It’s meaningless to be intimate before becoming one when you understand why God says wait. There’s no need to create soul tie or any other unnecessary consequences that comes with disobedience when your body craves sex. It’s not worth it.
Being with someone you’re equally yoked with is not an option if you have committed your life to Christ. It simply isn’t going to work. Being equally yoked encompasses many things you may overlook on the surface when you read “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” When this scripture is read, readers assume it’s only talking about individuals who have rejected Christ. This scripture also applies to those who have “given” their life to Christ, but don’t live a godly life. They are certain things Christians don’t BELIEVE in the Bible. One of them is sex before marriage.

That’s not the only issue the scripture addresses about being equally yoked. When you have an intimate relationship with God and you spend time studying the word, you become transformed. Your mind is renewed. You’re thinking changes and your understanding deepens. How you think aligns to who Christ is and what his word says. This gives insight to how a person thinks, how the world is perceived around them and they treat one another. It also lends to how consistent and an effective communicator someone is, and they’re emotional and spiritual maturity, which I pointed out earlier. If you try to be in a relationship with someone who thinking isn’t on a scripture level, because they’re still living according to the ways of the world, more than likely, that relationship isn’t going to work. Not being open to a truth based on scripture that you haven’t come to experience and having a close mind, would soon create friction, arguments and drama between you and someone.This person has to come into their own maturity, knowledge and understanding of the word and revelation of who Christ is, which is nothing wrong. There are somethings I didn’t get until months or years later. I had to go through my process of maturity.
I choose to do love God’s way. It doesn’t matter how physically appealing and successful someone is, if they aren’t committed to God, and you are, you’re not going to be able to do love God’s way. If you say, how does the couple work who aren’t living their life according to scripture. Well, two uncommitted people have something in common. They aren’t committed. Doing love God’s with someone who’s in agreement with what the word of God says saves you the stress.

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My relationship with God is the most valuable thing in life. I’m here because of God’s love, grace and mercy. My relationship with God has led and continues to lead women away from me. Disappointing at sometimes , yes, but am I hurt, no. No relationship out of the will of God is worth being in. Ever since 2014, I commited my life to holiness, purity and righteousness. I committed to celibacy, stopped listening to music riddled with sensuality, sexuality/lust, songs that encourages arrogance, self-centeredness , provokes loneliness, anger, fear, melancholy and that reminds you of what you once had. Soul tie music are stronghold music that prevents you from moving on from the past. Some movies and people can have the same effect on you.

The narrow path of holiness, purity and righteousness was a decision I needed to make to answer and prepare for the call/purpose God invited me to. More importantly, I accepted the invitation to the deep intimacy and to walk with God. This path has been a fulfilling yet challenging one. Sometimes my humanity says to my spirit, is it worth. By faith, trust and love for God, my spirit says, It is.

Much of my understanding about love, relationships and woman comes from the word of God and the wisdom He blesses me with. The more time you spend studying the scriptures and basking in God’s presence, the more wisdom, knowledge and revelation He will download into your spirit. Your discernment also increases. You’re just going to know and see certain things about people, environments and situations before they unfold. If not in the beginning, later on.

As you come to a place of maturity, you arrive to a point in life where you just want to enjoy the simple things with someone. Like consistency, simplicity, peace, and the first options are understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness. These are the gems to look forward to in a relationship. It’s a trend to be difficult, indifferent, dysfunctional and self-absorbing. And create problems or be evasive when you don’t have to. I can’t comprehend this. God brings the love into your life to love and not fight with. Then again, some people do only what they know. Things flow so much easier when there’s strong communication, trust and security in each other, which takes time to build. The ride is also smoother when you both come together with the same goal in mind, which is to become one. This also takes time.

A man truly walking with God and in the love and compassion of Christ seeks something so much deeper and meaningful with you. His perception about love and a relationship isn’t found in the elementary discourse of lust. A one-night stand isn’t on the menu when he’s pursuing you. He turns his head away from women who present their self in a way to make a man stumble. Sensuality doesn’t have place in love. Seduction is bait for lust. Profanity doesn’t have a seat in conversation. Vanity is also a disservice. In vanity, there’s not enough room the share the stage of your life, because everything will be about you. A man of God knows a self-absorbed person will suck the life out of you. Offering him the ways of the world instead of the mind of Christ isn’t going to work. He’s gazing behind your beauty to see if there’s a future with you. He’s browsing the landscape of your spirit to detect faithfulness or a lack thereof. The Hebrew translation of Proverbs 18:22 reads, “Who finds a wife find what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” There’s more in this statement than the obvious. What makes a wife “good” in the sight of God is that she’s obedient and has an intimate relationship with Him. She’s deeply in love and planted in God. She’s virtue and capable. She’s a rarity in the midst of popular worldly conformity. Her Christian life isn’t a religious or a secular one. She comes to add to a relationship—never plotting to divide or subtract from it. Although flawed, she tries to reflect the image and love of Christ. A woman of God is “good” because of what she brings to the relationship. She bares the anointing and favor of God. Therefore, her husband is blessed and receives what God has graced her with. Vice versa. I could go on, but I’ll place a bookmark here. A man of God knows “good” and “favor” isn’t package in seduction, immaturity, inconsistency, indecisiveness or mind games. A good wife is a holy, pure wife who has a made up mind. She knows what she wants. She is the “good thing” God refers to, and because of a man’s intimate relationship with God, he receives the favor to marry a woman as such.

Before I provide examples of how a man of God desires to love a godly woman, it’s important to point out a distinction here. What love and a relationship look like in Christ is different from the world’s definition and perception of it. This isn’t a judgmental statement. I don’t have the authority to condemn. Neither do I walk with a heart of judgment and condemnation. I aim to walk in the love, understanding and compassion of Christ; however, I have to speak the truth according to the Gospel. Whether it’s favorable or unfavorable. The truth in the word of God will offend and hit some sensitive spots in you. I know the feeling. After all, according to Hebrews 4:12, “the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” The word of God does many things. It encourages, guides and strengthens. It also rebukes and corrects. It will point out your wrongs and shortcomings so you can strengthen those areas you stumble in. Those who stand far and run away from reproach and correction never grow. They never take on the image of Christ.

Love in the context of Christianity is rooted in the fruits of the Spirit, which all are visibly seen in the person of Christ. What God sees as strength, the world interprets as weakness. It’s a sign of weakness for a man to express how he feels or to show emotion. If you can’t show emotion with the woman you’re with, you’re with a woman who doesn’t know God. Her mind and attitude is in the world and not in Christ. I don’t know what man could stand in the presence of God and can contain himself. We’re just not that strong enough. No human being is. In the world, a man has to be an “alpha male,” which is a dominate, aggressive, borderline cold throat person, a “manly man.” He also has to raise his voice or flex his muscle to show his wife who’s in charge. Sadly, some women embrace this false ideology of masculinity and strength. None of those qualities are found in Christ or describe who he is, so it baffles me when I hear Christians strive to fit the shoe that Christ never wore. The Son of God walked in love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. The world says, step on to step up, compete with each other, and gossip to tear another down, lash out and fight back when wronged. Competition has it’s time and place, but not in a marriage. God says in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” I know this is true for a fact. I saw God speak on my behalf and humble many people in my presence. Both men and women are to walk in all fruits of the spirit–no matter what the world or society says. Compare an alpha male or female to The Son of God, and tell me who’s stronger.

I am all for women having equaled rights and pay. I support women in leadership positions. I’m team Bernie Sanders all the way. When a woman wants to lead in a relationship, that presents a big problem. Women who embrace the “alpha female” concept have difficulty allowing a man being a man in her presence. She has a problem with being led. The word “submission” to her also has an unpleasant ring to it, because 1) they do not understand or haven’t fully embrace the ways of God.2. They forgot what was said Ephesians 5: 21 and they stop reading at verse 22. I’m not going to take up much time of your time in explaining this, however, here’s the full scripture and gist of what God is saying through it.

Ephesians 21-32 reads:

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husband and wife must submit to Christ if they are to submit to each other.

Since God made man the spiritual leader in the marriage (Genesis 2:7), the woman is to submit to him. There’s a reason why God created Adam first. Adam was created to first establish an intimate relationship Him before a woman. There are men doing it the other way around. They’re putting the desires of their heart before God. Women too. Notice how God established a relationship with Adam first before creating Eve. That’s why man is the head of the household. Not only that, God created Adam first because of the nature and responsibility of the environment he was to nurture and keep up. Hear me clearly. Eve was also created to have an intimate relationship. Part of her existence was to assist in Adam in what God entrusted him with.

If a husband is not submitted to Christ, his wife will not submit to him.

If the wife is not submitted to Christ, she will not submit to her husband.

If the husband is not submitted to Christ, he will not submit to his wife.

The commonality and consistency in the scripture is structure and order. God established structure and order in the church through Christ and paralleled it to marriage. Christ is the groom. The church is the bride. The bride is submitted to the groom–similarly a wife to her husband. Submission is the theme here. Submitted to Christ, submitted to each other and a woman being led by a man in marriage.

As you can tell, there’s no hint of vanity, lust, competition, any glimpses of an “alpha male” or “alpha female”, obscenity, poor communication, inconsistency, unfaithfulness, gossip or any other trait that’s destructive to an individual and a marriage. In Christ, love is pure, holy and sacred. In Christ, husband and wife work together, side by side. In Christ, a man is to always to protect and treat his wife with great honor. He’s to honor her when he’s in and out of his presence. What love and a relationship resemble in the world is one without Christ.

In the next part of this blog, I plan to provide examples of how a man of God longs to love his wife who is in Christ. Thanks for reading.

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Deep calls out to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. –Psalm 42:7

In this passage, King David is referring to intimacy with God. He’s not alluding to a religious/mundane like relationship with God. Whereas, you set aside time with God, read your bible and pray because you feel obligated to. There’s nothing mechanical about love or intimacy. Love and Intimacy is natural. It’s also personal, revelatory and a deep spiritual experience. King David desired to go deep, because he was deep. He was deep because God made him that way. The installation of intimacy within king David was there before he was born. Deep intimacy was pursued given where King David was at in life. He recognized the need for intimacy with God and he knew there was a price to pay for it. We are also made to experience deep intimacy with God, but there’s a price for it. However, “many are called, but a few are chosen.” The chosen enters the secret place because they have a desire to.

The chosen are willing to pay the cost. Sleep, meals, social outing’s, changing your lifestyle and who you socialize with are some costs. Consecration is part of the equation of arriving to a deep place of intimacy with God. This means you have set yourself apart from the world. Separation from all unclean, unholy and impure things, lifestyles and people are necessary. The further you step into the presence of God, the holier you become, sin begins to lose its power and grip over you. And the scales begin to fall off your eyes. When the scales fall off your eyes, the clearer you’ll see who you are in Christ. Your self-worth is elevated then. In your previous days, you entertained anything that looked or sounded good. But now that you have matured in Christ, you’re not easily wooed or swept of your feet by beauty and ear pleasing words that connects with the experiences of your soul. You have arrived to a revelation that the love of your life has to be chosen by God for you.

Two truths about life: Substance is hard to find and beauty isn’t far away. You can find attractive people everywhere, but it’s rare to find substance in beauty. In person or on social media, vanity is all on an all-time high. Credit that to the popularity, power and platform of social media. Hundreds of pics stream through your timeline that serves the purpose of soliciting your attention. You start to wonder what else does the person have to offer besides another pic puckering lips, seductive eyes, revealing clothing and pretentious inspirational and “Godly messages and quotes” that essentially serves the purpose of finding an excuse to share another pic. Vanity isn’t of God and when you don’t love yourself or see who you are in Christ, you’ll continue to post pics for likes or attention, which means, you’re still seeking approval regardless if you are in a relationship, married or not.

As you take on the image and mind of Christ, the easier it is discern who’s a good fit for you. Speaking for myself, God is drawing me into a deep place of intimacy with Him. He’s revealing things to me in ways that would cause arguments and raise antennas of suspicion and skepticism about me. Equally yoked is what I’m getting at here–whether friend or more. There are only a handful of people who I can converse about the deeper things of God and an argument or a “why” question isn’t thrown out. There’s just a level of spiritual maturity and understanding that permits such conversation to flow. I now know my wife has to be chosen for me. The calling and ministry God has assigned me isn’t designed for any woman to understand or be a part of. Her mind must also be in Christ and so must her thirst and hunger after holiness and righteousness, thus, Jesus Christ. If a woman is in the world or is heavily influenced by it, we’re not going to be on the same page. If she has not desire to mature in Christ, we would constantly misunderstand each other.

God has chosen someone specifically for you. They are made for you. They are equipped with the love, patience, communication and prayer life to stand beside you and be a life partner. To single women, be patient for the man/husband God has for you. To single men, wait for the woman of God. God knows where you are in life. He knows what needs smoothing out in you before he releases her. He knows where you must be in Him before He releases her to you. To single woman, changing your ways and behavior maybe the cause of the delay. You must emulate the mind of Christ.

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It’s normal for God to send people in your life to help bring clarity, offer financial help, lend understanding, aid in your healing process or perhaps offer emotional support or assistance concerning a business venture. Then there are persons the adversary sends. These people may stir up anger, frustration or even try to seduce you out of the wonderful plans of God. Walking into the things of God rests on your ability to hear and discern His direction. People often miss their open doors or new place of intimacy with God, because they were distracted. In other words, they were too busy investing time in someone God didn’t place in their life to be with. It’s easy to fall in luring traps of the adversary when someone looks and sounds like what your heart desires. In Genesis 3, the serpent knew actually what to say to Eve. The deceptive spirit knew if it could have the ear of Eve, he could have the mind of Adam. The adversary knows that if he could hold your attention long enough, you would fall into his trap. I want to help you avoid deception by highlighting some visible signs that who’s in your life, is not in your life to be a sincere help. There are ulterior motives. I will go on to say that not every person sent in your life is from the adversary. The flesh rises up too. By that I mean, some people simply don’t have self-control. They are so attracted to you that they find it difficult solely focus on the reason (s) why God sent them into your life. Nonetheless, a distraction is a distraction.

6 Visible Signs

Attitudes.

Confronted with an attitude is one way to tell if someone is in your life for a different reason than what they initially communicated to you. Attitudes may result in your unavailability to hangout, talk and text at the moment. It could also fall upon the individual’s distaste of not getting the desired reaction to their kind gesture or effort. A snappy attitude let’s you know you didn’t do what was expected of you, according to what’s going on in their mind.

Change of Availability. “Oh, I was busy.”

When you became “friends” or began working on a “project” or “collaborating,” you talked often. From the start of the acquaintance, the person was always available to communicate. But now, things have changed. They’re no longer available like they were before. Why the drastic change? Here’s why. Once a person can’t get what they want or they found out the attraction isn’t mutual or that you’re interested in someone else, distance is created. This is an act of self defense. Their typical response now is “Oh, I was busy. Sorry.” People become more “busier” than usual when they know a relationship with you is out of the plans.

3. Biased Counsel/Feedback.

Be careful who you confide in or seek advice from–particularly, someone who likes you as more than a friend. If it’s making an important life decision, there’s a chance to receive biased feedback or advice. Their opinion may lean towards their interest in you or whatever ulterior motive they have. This is a sign of manipulation.

I have dealt with women like this before. If I asked for a different perspective, their opinion was never in the favor of the woman I was interested at that time. They would say, you need a woman with x, y and z qualities. Beneath the surface, they were referring to their self. I have learned it’s not always wise to seek advice from someone of the opposite sex, unless it’s someone you can trust to get unbiased counsel or feedback from.

4. Third-person Referral.

Ever met someone who you confided in about a potential significant other, and they had all negative things say about the person you have your eye on. And later on in the conversation, they start to listing off qualities/characteristics of a person you mesh well with, but they’re really referring to their self. Self-referrals should be avoided even if you do have certain traits your “friend” is looking for. It’s wise to leave it up to them to decided.

5. Distracted from Your Purpose.

“How did we end up here” maybe a question you would ask yourself when you realized you have been distracted. It’s not a good feeling to realize to find out you spent more time getting to know someone than on the actual reason of why the person is in your life. The assistance, healing, understanding and clarity you needed became irrelevant. For example, you crossed paths with someone who wanted to help you start a business. In the beginning, phone conversations and meet ups were centered on business. But after a while, now you’re talking about personal matters and personal feelings for each other. Business takes the back burner or something God had you working on. You drifted and started to realize something is wrong.

Taking a look at another example. You were just about to start a fast or God was prepping you for a transition. Then someone reaches out to express interest in you or began speaking “prophetically” over your life. After a few conversations with this person, unknowingly, you find yourself drifting away from what God had instructed you to do. Your attention was captured and trust had been earned, based on things that were mentioned about your past, present and future. As time progresses, your attention is fully given to this individual, and you start to have this unsettling turning feeling in your stomach that something is wrong. Confusion clouds around you like fog. Before, you had clarity and you knew what God was up to in your life. What happened? You were distracted and deceived. It’s important to know the adversary may know what God is doing in your life. He will send false prophets to speak what he has learned about you. Be careful.

6. Compulsive behavior is a form obsession. It means the person can’t control their personal feelings for you. So it doesn’t matter how many times you tell them you aren’t interested in having a relationship, they will continue to persist and insist on behaving in a way that’s their inappropriate and make you feel uncomfortable. Dealing with someone who’s compulsive and obsessive is quite scary.

Some emotions are appropriate if the feelings are mutual or you’re currently in a relationship, but in everything, balance is necessary. When someone starts getting sappy with you, as in sending “good morning sunshine” or “hello love” text messages in the early a.m., or, “sweet dreams” “thinking of you,” and the nature of the acquaintance isn’t on that level, the person has become comfortable enough with you to unleash their true feelings. Lengthy emotional text messages or numerous phone calls is an indication of emotional attachment. You may start to feel suffocated or awkward, because of the intensity of their feelings being projected towards you.

All in all, being attracted to someone is inevitable. Yes, it’s possible to meet the love of your life through other means than an initial romantic interest. Yes, you could end up becoming friends first, partnering and networking in some way or another, and later, becoming more. I believe those acquaintances unfold into something more naturally and mutually. However, when you have ulterior motives from the start, that’s never a good thing. There’s a slight chance that plan may backfire or put you and the other person in an awkward position to have an awkward conversation. It’s not worth being a stumbling block in the life God has sent you to be a help.

It’s also your responsibility to be clear with people from the start. You have to set boundaries, be professional and articulate what is or isn’t appropriate. This will help you and the other part keep things in perspective, so nothing is misinterpreted and expectations remain in their rightful place and context. Communication matters.