Dick Cheney Hates Fish, Trees, Air, and Water

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - When law and science seemed to be on the side of the fish, then the vice president stepped in.

First Cheney looked for a way around the law, aides said. Next he set in motion a process to challenge the science protecting the fish, according to a former Oregon congressman who lobbied for the farmers.

"I just can't STAND fish!" yelled Cheney. "They stink."

The Klamath case is one of many in which the vice president took on a decisive role to undercut long-standing environmental regulations for the benefit of corporate business. Cheney has made his mark of the Beast on the administration's approach to everything from air and water quality to the preservation of national parks and forests.

"Who needs air and water? I drink vodka!" yelled Cheney, sounding a bit like the Evil Emperor in Star Wars. "Who needs trees? Cut 'em all down. Make paper and furniture that I can sell out of them."

The vice president also pushed to make Nevada's Yucca Mountain the nation's repository for nuclear and radioactive waste, aides said, a victory for the nuclear power industry over those with long-standing safety concerns, and a victory for the aliens who landed on the White House lawn yesterday.