Twenty-five years ago today I made one of the scariest (and best) decisions of my life. I had a three-month old baby and one (count ‘em—one) freelance client who paid me a few hundred dollars a month. Oh, and a husband who fully believed I could do it—can’t overlook that. So I left my job ...

Twenty-five years ago today I made one of the scariest (and best) decisions of my life. I had a three-month old baby and one (count ‘em—one) freelance client who paid me a few hundred dollars a month. Oh, and a husband who fully believed I could do it—can’t overlook that. So I left my job as an art director at an Indianapolis ad agency to start my own graphic design business. I designed logos with a sleeping baby in my arms. I formatted newsletters with one hand while wiping off pacifiers with the other. I closed doors and hunched around the telephone receiver so the client couldn’t hear the screaming toddler in the other room. I worked all day. I worked all night sometimes. I stressed about money (sometimes it poured in, other times it was several months late, and although my husband worked we also needed my income to make ends meet). I took my daughter to a babysitter two or three days a week so I could attend meetings and get some work done. But I made it work.

Then I had another daughter less than three years later. When she was born, I had my computer set up in the living room so I could keep an eye on both girls while I tried to get something done. I hired my sister to help for a while, answering phone calls and getting project estimates and doing my billing. I experimented with moving my office outside my home, thinking I would find separation between work and life. I didn’t. So I moved back home—and had my third child, a son.

Throughout these 25 years, I’ve kept on working. Through crazy levels of work and a variety of clients and sometimes virtually no work but almost always there was plenty to keep me as busy as I wanted to be. I started writing books (and the occasional copywriting project), but I kept on designing. I designed and sold sterling silver jewelry for a while. Once my first book was published, I developed what some would call a ministry of my own, and I did that stuff, too—some speaking, building a social media presence, and so on. I’ve attended writing conferences and retreats, but through it all, I’ve kept my business going. I’m fortunate because, for me, it all feels related. It’s all about creativity—in design, in writing (in whatever form), in prayer. Rather than keep all the pieces separate and distinct, I was able to merge it all into one. My thinking was this: it all comes from the same place, from the same skill set, and it’s too complicated to have multiple businesses. So whatever I do in the “creative” realm falls under the umbrella of my business. Some parts of it earn money, some don’t, but I do it all anyway.

One year ago, with two of my kids on their own now and my youngest in high school, I moved my office again—into the building that served as my dad’s art studio until he died. I love being in that space, and I’ve finally found a decent work-life balance. Over the years, I’ve learned plenty, and although many of these lessons are specific to me and the industry I work in, many of them apply across the board. So in celebration of 25 years of building my own life, I wanted to share 25 lessons I’ve learned, in no particular order.

Don’t try to be something you’re not.Embrace who you are. Be real. Don’t exaggerate or puff yourself up. Authenticity makes up for a lot of other flaws. If you work at home, say so. Most people are jealous that you get to work from home, or that you’re able to set your own hours, or what have you.

You’re in charge of “marketing” yourself. Figure out how you want to be known before people ask. “I own my own graphic design business, and I work from home.” For me it was important to establish that—not because it made me any less professional, but because my way of working was affected by my being at home. A client might hear my kids in the background. They might call while I’m at the grocery. But on the flip side, they also might send me a big project at 5 pm and have it waiting for them the next morning because I sometimes work crazy hours.

Just because you’re self-employed doesn’t mean you’re less of a professional.Don’t act like it or be embarrassed. Working from home, working for yourself, is a legit way to do it.

Put on makeup. Get dressed. Put on shoes. Go “in” to the office. Many people who work from home love the fact that they don’t have to do these things, but honestly, when I don’t, I feel unprofessional. When I get ready for the day, I feel like I’m on equal footing with the client… especially now that some of my clients like video calling.

You don’t have to apologize when asking for payment. You earned it. The client agreed to it. It’s yours, so don’t be embarrassed to remind them when the payment is late. You don’t owe them reasons why you need the money—that isn’t any of their business. But getting paid is a crucial part of being in business, and they have to understand that.

Just because you work from home or have a flexible schedule, you are not obligated to “volunteer” for anything and everything. If you want to volunteer, having a flexible schedule is one of the perks, so go for it. But if you don’t, don’t accept any perceived pressure from others about it.

If you do want to volunteer, find ways to volunteer that tie in to your particular skill set.For instance, I don’t volunteer to chaperone groups of teenagers or work behind the scenes at a production my kids are in—but you need a t-shirt or an ad or a program designed? I’m your girl. These are legitimate ways to contribute, and they come with the added benefit of being able to do them on your own time.

Sometimes you should ask questions, not because you don’t know, but because other people need the chance to weigh in and be the “experts.”Offer people the gift of not always being on the receiving end of your expertise.

This business isn’t life and death.Some things are—but not this ad deadline or whether the layout is emailed to the client on Thursday or Friday. That’s not to say deadlines aren’t important. Part of succeeding in business is living up to your promises. But don’t get caught up in unnecessary drama because when a real life or death situation happens (you have to have your dad flown home from Florida because they just discovered the cancer is everywhere and he doesn’t have much time, for instance), you realize how non-crucial the other things are. They may be important, but they’re not the most important things.

Don’t give away your work for free, unless you specifically want to. Maybe you believe in a cause and want to help. Great. But non-profits still earn money and can pay for services they need. And someone else’s charity or ministry does not have to become your own. You have bills to pay, and you are offering a professional service. When you let yourself do too many things for free (or discounted rates), you will become resentful.

Sometimes, even when you want to help someone with a lower rate or no rate, you should still let them pay you. Yes, people appreciate cost savings, but if they’re not paying you, you may not be as diligent about deadlines or details. There are times when I insist on paying someone else more than they asked because I need to be able to know they’ll take the job seriously. Because free or not, it’s still important to me.

When you hire someone to do sub-contracted work for you, ultimately you’re responsible if they do not come through. Prepare for that. Allow extra time in the schedule. But you don’t have to be a martyr and do everything yourself because no one else delivers at the same level as you do. If you need help, get it. And try to learn how to better direct others to give you what you need.

Actually, in general, be prepared to accept responsibility. For success as well as failure. Don’t play the blame game. If you screw up, admit it and apologize. If it’s not your fault completely, own your role in it. Maybe it will cost you a client, but alternatively, it might earn you greater respect. Whatever happens, though, at least you’ll know you handled it well.

If there are professional services you can hire out, do it. If you can afford it (even if it’s a stretch), let someone else—who is better and more efficient—do things to help. It’s not failure to “farm out” accounting or invoicing or cleaning or computer work. If it makes your schedule more manageable, or if it’s something you don’t know how to do (or don’t want to), don’t hesitate to get help.

Don’t always let other people decide for you. Part of the reason you work for yourself is so you can make choices about your work conditions and quality of life—who you work for, what projects you accept, and what tasks you will do. So don’t hold on to clients way too long simply because you want the money. Or if you do, don’t blame the client. Acknowledge to yourself that you’ve made the choice to go through all of it because you want the income, then don’t waste energy being upset about how the client does things.

Pray about it, whatever “it” is—whether to accept a new client, go in a different direction, end a long-term business relationship, move offices, put together a project estimate, whatever. I don’t always do this, and I don’t always stop in a busy day to remember to ask God if a particular situation is one I want to be in. But when I do, when I take that time to say, “God, ultimately, this business is yours. My talents come from you. My life is at your pleasure,” those are the times when God clearly directs me and helps me make the best choices.

There’s no sense in trying to keep your spiritual life separate from your business life, because you are a spiritual person and your beliefs inform your morals, your work ethic, and how you treat people. Use wisdom and don’t talk about faith at inappropriate times, but you don’t have to hide it or apologize for it, either. It is part of who you are. If your clients don’t like it, they don’t have to hire you. Just don’t beat anyone over the head with it. (Ever. Even if it’s not a business situation.) I struggled with this for a while, because I wasn’t sure whether to let clients know I published a spiritual book—but I got nothing but respect from my clients when they found out.

Know your limits. It’s one thing to stretch and grow. It’s another to get in way over your head. Don’t set yourself up to fail, and be humble enough to know when to admit failure or ask for help. (Those are two different things. Asking for help is not the same as failing.)

Allow yourself to change. You can adapt and evolve your skills, your services, your way of doing business, the industries you work in, and how you charge people for your work. Just because you did it one way before doesn’t mean you have to do it that way forevermore.

Believe in yourself.Not everyone else will support you the way you need them to, and not every client will be a good fit. Those things don’t mean you’re not qualified or competent. You have to have a sense of your inherent worth and hold onto that. I don’t mean you should be arrogant or boastful, just that you can’t let your sense of self-worth hinge on your clients’ responses to your work.

Don’t take it personally. Not every client will like everything you do. The changes will seem arbitrary and frustrate the snot out of you. Some clients’ thought processes will baffle you. Chances are good, though, that they’re not rejecting you or saying you’re not a good designer—just that you haven’t yet given them what they had in mind.

Learn to read between the lines.You’ll have to become proficient at understanding what a client is not saying, of figuring out what they can’t seem to articulate. This is one of the hardest things for me, because I don’t really do nuance—I am what you see, and I say what I mean. But recognize that people do not always communicate effectively, and part of your job is to learn to translate what they say into what they mean.

This is business, not a social club. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the client or other contractors may become your friends. Feel free to let them into your life and ask about theirs—but watch for clues, don’t push that on someone who clearly maintains a line between personal life and business, and know when you need to get back to work. I’ve been fortunate to work with people who have become good friends—which is great, because when you work a lot, it’s nice to enjoy the people you’re working with. But being friends isn’t a requirement for working well together.

Do unto others… If you want respect, offer it. If you want consideration, be considerate. If you want honesty, don’t make up lies and excuses. People are perceptive and they know when you are not sincere, when they’re being taken advantage of or when they’re barely tolerated.

Live life with a spirit of generosity. I’m not just talking about money. Cultivate an attitude of “what can I offer to them?” Or “how can I leave them better off than when I got here?” Go the extra mile. Do that little bit of extra. Don’t be afraid to share tips and tricks—just because someone else can do something doesn’t threaten your job security. You still have talent and experience others might not. Do not hold tightly to your work, your clients, your ideas, your business model, your skill set, your time. Offer it to God and then respond when He nudges you to offer it to someone else. There’s always more (of whatever it is) where that came from. And giving freely cultivates an attitude of kindness and generosity that overflows into all of your life.

No one has to tell me what Christmas is really about. I know. And I love what it is supposed to be. But, like many of you, I get caught up in the busy-ness of it and don’t seem to have much time to focus on spiritual. Much of what we fill our holidays with ...

No one has to tell me what Christmas is really about. I know. And I love what it is supposed to be. But, like many of you, I get caught up in the busy-ness of it and don’t seem to have much time to focus on spiritual. Much of what we fill our holidays with is good, or at least not inherently bad. But it obscures our view of the bigger picture. These are just a few ideas of ways to add a layer of meaning without totally disrupting your schedule and life. You don’t have to do it all. Frankly, you don’t have to do a single thing here. Trust your own instincts. Do what feels right. And only if it does not add stress or otherwise distract you from what is important to you.

Observe—or create—family (or friend) traditions.

As much as I like change, there’s something comforting in the familiar. I think, for many of us, keeping family traditions alive is important. It’s a way to honor the generations before us and to connect with the holidays. Sometimes they’re more about family or friends than something spiritual, but they can still be a way of creating and remembering important memories.

Open presents in your jammies. Have pumpkin pie for breakfast, or always make the same cinnamon rolls. Let the youngest kids pass out the gifts from under the tree. Hold hands before dinner and say grace, or pass around an antique cup (because our cups runneth over) and let people say what they’re thankful for. Invite a neighbor whose family lives out of town to join you in the afternoon, when you’re all drowsy and you’re gathered around a jigsaw puzzle or watching movies. Ask everyone to tell which ornament on the tree is their favorite and why. Buy a new ornament for each family member every year so that your kids have a small collection when they leave home and have their own trees. There are countless small things—most of which don’t cost money—that will give meaning, long term, to your get-togethers. And having some kind of loose structure to your celebration can create a framework that may bring comfort. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s celebration. It doesn’t have to be traditional. You don’t have to eat turkey and dressing (unless you’re at my house, where I insist on it).

If you’re grieving a loss or have some other big change in your life, maybe you should change something. When my mom had cancer, we knew that her remission was only temporary, so we decided we should move the location of our Christmas celebration. It had always been at my parents’ house, and now my sister and I (who live next door to each other) share the hosting. It didn’t fool any of us, but it did allow us to have Mom here with us for two Christmases before we lost her, so our kids have memories of her celebrating here with us.

Establish spiritual traditions.

My husband and I are elders at our church. On Christmas Eve, our church has a candlelight communion time. No service, just soft lights and soft music and a communion table in front of the altar. Getting to serve communion—passing the bread to the couple or family or group of friends next in line, and then reading the passage from the Bible, looking each of them in the eyes and watching the way each family or group huddles together in reverence—is the spiritual highlight of Christmas for me. It’s so humbling to be the one serving. It changes the ritual of communion completely for me. After they take the bread, the group moves to the other side of the table, where my husband serves the wine and reads his passage, before they go stand, kneel, or sit together and pray quietly together. It’s such a holy, beautiful thing, and it’s become my very favorite part of the whole holiday season.

Have someone (maybe one of the grandparents, or maybe one of the kids) read the Christmas story from Luke before dinner, while everyone gathers in a circle to give thanks. Maybe even set an extra place setting to remind everyone that Jesus is the One we were (and are, and always will be) expecting—and even if we can’t see Him, He’s still there with us. Participate in a community program to provide toys or coats or other needs to local families who could use the assistance. When you do, have your kids help you wrap the presents, and say prayers for each person as you do. You might want to set up a small tree, and have a basket of colorful papers and ornament hooks nearby. Ask your family to write down things for which they are thankful and hang them on the tree as a reminder of all the great gifts God gives us every day.

One year, shortly after losing Mom, I was especially grumpy about Christmas. I just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of decorating, and I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. Part of it was simply the fact that I was hurting. But then I remembered the tree topper my sister’s family had used the year before—a cardboard scroll with the verse John 3:16 written out, by hand, by my niece Reilly. I thought that was such a beautiful idea and a way to take an oft-quoted verse and give it new meaning. I also remembered that I’d set aside some specific ornaments the year before (and like a good consumer, got online and ordered some more). Then I set out to create a different kind of Christmas tree, one centered on Christ. As I hung the hooks on my “Jesus tree,” my prayers went something like this: Yes, Jesus, you are the I AM. You are love. You are the baby in the manger and Lord of All. And on and on, as I added ornaments symbolizing many of the names and faces of God. He is peace. Freedom. The light of the world. The Day Star. The lamb, and the lion. The shepherd, the carpenter, the gardener, the creator, the fisher of men. He is hope and joy. The Alpha and Omega. The king, the church. Faithful. He is my home, the vine, the gate, the door, the Word, and my daily bread. With each ornament I placed, I found the feeling of reverence I’d been missing. Because our God is so much more than a baby in a manger. The tree reminds me to really think about who He is—about all of the things that He is. To remember that He is so much. He is everything, and He truly is the center of Christmas. Changing the focus of the decorations in my home changed the focus of my thoughts.

Allow yourself to slow down. To stop.

I put this section last, but it’s the most important advice I can offer. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Don’t set unrealistic expectations—better yet, let go of all expectations. Give yourself permission to stop all of the busyness and ENJOY. Close your eyes and give thanks. Read an extra bedtime story to your little one. Stay up an extra five minutes on the couch, resting your head on your spouse’s shoulder after you’ve put the kids to bed. Let dinner be 15 minutes later and just sit in the chaos of torn wrapping paper and memorize the way your family members look today. I give you permission (in case you have trouble giving it to yourself) to slow down. Give yourself grace. Forgiveness. Kindness.

Remember, Christmas is about God drawing near. We miss the point of Christmas when we forget to notice that He’s here. Right now.

Still.

And forevermore.
Amen.
**

What do you do to bring meaning back into your Christmas celebrations?

Subscribe here

...and once or twice a month I'll send you special content that does not appear elsewhere, including my monthly prayer prompt calendars. You'll also be able to download seasonal printables and other resources.