Stop plastering teacher notes on the internet

We say thatteachers need more respect.
Teachers need to be paid more.Teachers need to be treated better… but then we do things like this to take it all away.

While I haven’t experienced this personally, I do know that as a teacher and as a mother, it is hard to see your private notes out for the world to see.

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Don’t we want good teachers? Would you go into the teaching profession knowing that if you enforce the school rules, you will be plastered all over the internet? Your private notes to parents will become public for the whole world to see?

Do you know that these teachers love our kids? They do. I was one of them! I was a teacher. My brother is a principal. My sister in law is a teacher. Trust me when I say ‘WE HAVE YOUR CHILD’S INTEREST AT HEART!” No, not all teachers, sadly, but the majority of them.

I was a teacher, before my husband (high-school sweetheart turned college sweetheart turned husband) and I had these four children:

I always knew two things:
1- I wanted a family… √ check
2- That I wanted to be a teacher… √ check

Both of these things happened and I loved both roles- being a mother and being a teacher. However, I stopped teaching to be a stay-at-home-mother (it would be nearly impossible to earn a living in North Carolina, while sending four kids to daycare, on a teacher’s salary).

Things have changed in the school systems.

Notes, private notes, are being shared on Facebook. It is one thing to call your teacher or principal to have a discussion, but it is completely different to go home, take a picture of the note given to you by someone at the school, and share it on Facebook. Can you imagine if teachers shared our notes to them? Honestly. Think about that for just one second.

When we see things, like this story below (that I saw all over the internet) about how a school principal wouldn’t excuse a family trip, because it was a district-wide rule that vacations do not count as excused absences, and it was shared on the Dad’s Facebook page and then it was all over the internet about how the principal ‘shamed’ them, it is hard for me to understand. I completely understand wanting to take a vacation during the school year (we’ve done that) but I also understand the consequences that it entails.

Here is a screenshot taken from theblaze.com that summarizes the story (you can read the rest at theblaze.com):

The story talks about how This principal sent home a note telling parents that their kids were not excused from school to go on a trip, so the parents share it online and everyone says how awful the school is that they don’t give days off for things like this.

It isn’t fair when we expect a school (or any business, for that matter) to work well and to be the best for our kids, but we also expect them to break the rules just for us. Sure, family vacations can provide great educational opportunities, but if the school rule is that it won’t be excused, don’t expect it to be excused. Case closed.

The school didn’t say “Oh… well John can go on that trip, but if Michael asks, lets tell them that it doesn’t count as an excused absence!” The simply stated the district-wide rules.

I want it to be known that I have been updated, after posting this post, that the principal of this school is now being harassed day and night, receiving terrible threats, because of her note, stating the district rules.

Again- we have taken a vacation during the school year, so I am NOT judging the fact that they were or were not allowed to go on a trip (or even if schools should be given that choice), but I will also say that learning about things on vacation is not the same as learning multiplication at school.

Yes, there are things that need to be learned outside of the classroom, of course, but I just don’t expect the school to turn a blind eye to our family. (If it bothered us enough… there is the option to home-school for anyone that disagrees with the way that a school is run)

It really boils down to – BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS. LETS NOT SHAME ANYONE ONLINE, PLEASE.

WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING THEIR NOTES ONLINE!

There are also many notes going around, right now, about teachers are asking parents to make better choices at lunch, like the story of the substitute that sent the note home about a child bringing only marshmallows and a few other little things in a child’s lunch box. This screenshot is taken from ABCnews.go.comYes, it was a misunderstanding by the substitute, but this could have been cleared up with a callto the teacher. Dad could have said “It was a misunderstanding. Here are the facts- she had 4 pieces of ham and string cheese. She must have eaten those first.” Easy enough. It would have been over with… I just feel like it didn’t have to be shared on Facebook for the world to see (and for the teacher and substitute’s name to be shared online, because her name was on the paper and people are saying awful things about her. People are now harassing her – online and in real life.

That’s the part that bothers me… that it had to be online and now the world is given a new target. It makes me sad.

Honestly, this teacher was just looking out for the child. She was just making sure that the parent knew what was happening (which is why they asked for a signature – because the signature lets them know that the parent has seen it). When I taught, I had some students eating veggies and sandwiches, but at the same time, I had other students packing their ownlunches with just a handful of junk-food (literally), because their parents didn’t know or care, as sad as that is to write (and realize). These kids were bouncing off the walls after lunchtime and then falling asleep an hour later. These kids were sick more often than not. These kids were struggling in school… and it broke my heart.
They packed their own lunches because they knew that if they didn’t pack a lunch, no one was packing one for them. It was sad and heartbreaking and I wouldn’t have hesitated to send a note home saying:

“Hi, Mrs. So&So,
I just wanted to let you know that Sally brought in only Fruit Snacks and Oreos today. I just wanted to give you a heads-up, because I know that these things slip past us! haha!
Anyway, she is always welcome to eat the school’s lunch anytime (We have free and reduced lunch available. I would be happy to send home an application.)
I just LOVE having Sally in my class and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks, Mrs. Mansfield”

We, as teachers, care about our students, but if we, as parents, start flaunting every mistake that people make or every rule that we don’t like all over the internet, with the teachers name on it (or Principal’s name), we are going to lose good teachers.

If we, as parents, honestly consider the reason for the note – it boils down to one thing: someone is concerned for our child and they are taking time out of their day to try to help, even if it doesn’t come across that way. (trust me, it is easier to look the other way, in any situation).

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking a parent or caregiver to please be sure that their child is studying their spelling words and math facts, because they could share it online with a quote like “Teacher calls student dumb.”

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking the parents to please have their child to school on time, because it could be posted online stating “Teacher calls parents lazy even though parents are both working and having trouble getting child to school on time.”

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking that the parents please be sure to give their child a bath (yes, teachers have to do this after a child goes weeks without one) or to please have their child do their homework, or to please have their child wear tennis shoes to school, because there would be a Facebook Share stating “Teacher doesn’t like creativity or individuality…” Instead of the truth-“Teacher cares so much about this child that they want them to be clean, prepared (so as to not fall behind in class), and not get hurt running around on the playground in flip flops.”

To the teachers out there~ keep caring. Work together with parents – maybe a call is better than a note (it is hard to read someone’s ‘tone’ from a note. ♥
To the parents out there~ keep expecting your child’s teacher to care. If you are unsure – just call the school.
To both ~ do what is best for your child… and work together ♥

It is not only teachers, but in general – the “public shaming” that has gone too far, in my opinion. It all boils down to respect. Respecting one another, no matter the profession, the person or the issue. GO STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR PROBLEM. A call is ALWAYS better than a note or e-mail, in my opinion. It is hard to read a “tone” when it is just online.♥

About Becky (Your Modern Family)

Hi! I'm Becky Mansfield ~ founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you.

Reader Interactions

Comments

I completely agree! Thank you for writing this. I taught kindergarten for nine years, but now stay at home with our two kids. I am amazed by some people’s comments about some of these notes, too. Especially all the “this is why we homeschool” comments. Homeschooling can be great for some families, but such a huge life decision about your child’s education and childhood experiences should not be made solely based on the fact that schools expect you to follow certain rules and you don’t like that.

Because school is a tool for helping parents educate our children. Not the end all or even the most important one. Great teachers are wonderful, my children have had many, but remember parents are the ultimate authority for there children. Schools are there to help the parents not the other way around.

Growing up, my mother always told me to never put into writing what I wouldn’t want published in a newspaper. As a teacher, I am very careful about what to put into writing as I communicate with parents primarily through email (for documentation purposes). Even in my 7 years as a teacher, I’ve seen a large shift in society’s attitude toward teachers and the education system. Everyone has been on the receiving end of the services provided by the teaching profession at some point in their lives, so many believe they know everything about how the system works and that they are qualified to judge those working in the profession. On the other hand, most people have probably been on the receiving end of services provided by someone in the medical profession but you don’t hear the same constant judgment and disparaging attitude toward nurses or the field of medicine overall. It must be because teachers’ jobs are so easy that anyone could do the job and that our specialized training for our profession is overrated.

We are already losing them! I’m a teacher, too…and I don’t know any teachers with children of their own who kept teaching at public schools after their children were born. It’s not because they don’t care or don’t want to teach–but teaching is such an incredibly demanding job and it takes out nights, our weekends, our lives. We love others children so much, and when it comes down to it, our own kids can’t suffer because of our dedication. I am now a pre-k teacher (at my own children’s preschool, and I love it–there is not the same insane expectations that my public school job had. Teachers get disrespect from parents, from administrators, they are faced with insane expectations and unreal obstacles.) God bless teachers, they are miracle workers.

I loved this post. I’ve always tried to call parents rather than send notes because I live in a small town and I know how quickly things can be misconstrued. But I’ve bought toothbrushes and toothpaste for my students, I’ve asked parents to stop watching horror movies with their 6 year olds because while it may be a “badass Facebook picture” , it makes your student scared to death and fall asleep in my class…I’ve always kept a stash of winter clothes because some kids just don’t have those things…,teaching is so much more than anyone who is not a teacher realizes. If we want awesome teachers to keep teaching, we need a lot of big changes in the field of education. Thanks for writing this.

I agree with you…Never put into writing what you don’t want shared…And if you take the time to call the parent or get to know the parent and what they deal with on a daily basis- (divorce, split custody, night shift jobs etc) I think one of the best things a teacher can do is have an information sheet that each parent fills out at the beginning of the year so you get a sense of the child’s home life…My sons 3rd grade teacher is in contact with me via email anytime there is a question and I never take it offensively because she knows we have shared custody (every other week- which for the record I HATE- but it became too much to continue to fight) and sometimes things do not get relayed between the two households…It has helped tremendously and I appreciate her efforts for doing it to help us with this transition…

Well, none of the notes shown here say anything that couldn’t necessarily be published in a paper. The problem is the reaction of the “internet mob”. Torches and pitchforks? Really? The mob mentality is so easy to incite that any note, no matter how benign , can be made a target.

I agree that parents should keep the notes sent home from school between themselves and the school. On the flip side of that, teachers that want respect should be mindful enough not to post memes and notes all over Facebook and Pinterest demeaning parents. I sat and cried after reading a meme about how teachers hate “that parent” (unfortunately, I had to be “that parent” because the teacher literally told me to my face that it was not her job to educate my child, that she didn’t have time for my child, and she did not want the IEP done in her classroom and she would do none of it because it wasn’t her job). Respect has to go both ways. I’m tired of trying to walk the line of being the perfect parent that the teachers want unless I want to be the butt of editorials in every major national newspaper and memes all over the internet. It’s quite disgraceful the way teachers act as well.

Talia, I absolutely agree with you. I have 3 children and my youngest has been in this one school for 5 years. I never had the problems with the first two when they attended this school but have seen a teacher attitude change with curriculum change over the past 3 years. Unfortunately I believe this to be the fault of the educators, their continued pressure on the teachers for increased GPA on “tests” rather then actually allowing teachers to teach these kids (SMH).

A perfect example would be, my youngest (this year) was struggling in math, I put her in tutoring (which btw was with her math teacher) after 6 weeks my daughters grade went down, not up. The teacher told me (In front on my daughter and my other children) she is a good student but I don’t know how to teach her, there is nothing I can do for her. WOW REALLY!

…All that to say, I wish the “higher ups” would leave our teachers alone and let them get back to basics and TEACH! If they were allowed to teach instead of worry about the next state or national test our kids would excel.

Becky, Unfortunately I have more friends that have left their careers from teaching because they are not allowed to teach rather then the posting of notes. Like I tell my kids, Live life as if you are in front of the camera! Everything you do, say or write is not private. Because, unfortunately that IS the society you live in. Sad but true!!

Although I have had my share of BAD teachers with my 3 children, I am SO VERY Thankful for the outstanding teachers my kids have had. School: A great Life lesson, Not everything is “peaches and cream”

Such a good point (the camera one).
I agree- a lot of great teachers have left because the creativity has been taken out with every new thing that they bring into the schools – not that they are wrong, just that we need to be able to use the education & tools that we were given. 🙂

Talia, as a teacher, I would like to address your comment about teachers posting memes about “that parent”. It sounds like in your case you were advocating for your child and making sure that your child’s needs were being met. That doesn’t make you THAT parent!
I had a parent this year who would type messages to me from her phone–ranting all-caps, no punctuation paragraph-long diatribes–telling me that I hated her child, that I was ignorant, that I wanted to see her child fail, that I wasn’t doing my job, etc on a WEEKLY basis. Then she’d end her rants with “Blessings”! She was THAT parent. After a school year of her stress-inducing emails, I certainly wasn’t sad to see the last of her. It is parents like this who make the memes popular, not parents like you.
As to the point of this article, imagine what would have happened if I had posted one of her emails on the web–think she would have been lambasted? It would have been unprofessional of me to make public her emails, but where is the fairness when the opposite is considered ok?

I had not seen that unexcused absence note before – it makes me so mad!! I have a child with special needs, and have chosen to keep him home from certain field trips that I knew he would not be able to handle, but here’s the difference: I TOOK THE UNEXCUSED ABSENCE. 1 (or 3) unexcused absences in a year are NOT going to get referred to the attendance officer. Parents who insist that the rules apply to everyone but their kids are setting us all up for a world of hurt in the future.

We have, too – taken the unexcused absence and not asked for it to be excused. I don’t want our kids to think that they can get what they want just by arguing or trying to get others to break/bend rules for them. We know the consequences before we do whatever it is that we are doing.
Thanks for the comment.

The same thing is happening concerning school’s dress codes. Here in London, Ontario a bunch of kids skipped class to “protest” how one girl was asked to go home and change out of her sloppy clothing. They’re saying that it’s their right to be able to go to school dressed like they just crawled out of the city dump.

This latest generation of kids are the most selfish, dis-respectful,spoiled little brats EVER, and it’s all because parents are NOT allowed to discipline them!

I agree with a lot of what you said – there needs to be a culture of respect, but I felt the principle who send Mike Rossi the note was using very threatening and over-the-top statements. Sure, don’t excuse the family vacation, but to point out that this could result in legal action? I think it’s amazing that Mr. Rossi took his children with him to watch him run the Boston marathon and see how America rallied after the tragedy… but even if it’s a trip to Disney, if the kids don’t get behind and the parent makes an effort to maybe collect homework beforehand, I don’t think that we need to put school on the pedestal that it can never be missed ever. (But maybe that’s the homeschooler in me talking 😉 lol)
My friend recently shared a “note” sent home… her daughter had a “no nut” butter sandwich and the sticker fell off of the bag, so the teacher wrote a note to the parent ON THE BAG about how it was a nut-free setting, using capital letters, etc… I understand the compulsion to feel insulted and want release/commiseration, but it’s not as if sharing it helped anyone, it did exactly as you described – sparked outrage with no results.

Thank you for writing this. As a kindergarten teacher, I have become concerned about the increasing number of notes from the teacher appearing on the internet. It also concerns me that bloggers who post in support of teachers and how to make cute teacher gifts, will also post/share these letters. While I am on a mini-rant, bloggers, please discuss with your child’s teacher any school related issues before asking for others’ thoughts online. The vast majority of teachers want only the best for their students and cheer loudly for their learning. They want to work with their students’ families.

Not to mention it is against copyright law to publish ANY correspondence the author/creator did not give you express consent to publish. This includes emails, tweets, facebook posts, photos, letters, notes, etc. Just because it was sent to you does not mean you have consent to do with it what you want. The author/creator retains control of copyright.

Actually, if there is no financial gain you really have no copyright argument and it’s a pathetic attempt to brow beat patents into not fighting back against those teachers who ate truly abusive, which I’m guessing you’re either one yourself or related to one by suggesting this blatant attempt at silencing a parent seeking communal support to defend their child in a system that gives more protection to teachers than they often deserve.
If you don’t want it published, don’t put it in print. That simple. If it’s applicable in court, and it could be depending on the content, then it will come out as evidence in court filings and be accessible to the press by those means as was in fact done prior to the Internet. I’ve collected a few score of articles, just those published in one moderately sized metro area mind you, of cars of teachers being charged with abuse and harassment and all the notes kept by parents and used as evidence could’ve been published and many were.
Again, if you don’t want it published, don’t put it in print. If you’re concerned but don’t know how to put it in writing that won’t sound bad, ask for a meeting or call like a responsible adult. You don’t get to cry copyright to cover up harassment and signs of abusive behavior in the classroom.

Actually, copyright law is now interpreted the other way — items are assumed to be copyrighted unless stated that it is public domain, which is why Creative Commons was created, to allow people to share and use copyright-free content.

Having said that — teachers are also public employees (unless of course they work for a private school), so I’m not sure exactly how the law would apply in this situation.

Thank you very much for this lovely essay. I am not a teacher, but have been a child minder for many years. I have also lived and dealt with the the vastly different education system of 3 countries.

I completely agree with your statement and view that respect is needed for everyone. Both teacher to parent, and parent to teacher. I know that there are few topics as quick to get someone on the defensive side, than to criticise their parenting and child. And from experience, I know that a parents first reaction is not always appropriate. I have been on both sides of this. Having close family scattered abroad, with virtually no school breaks co-insiding, we have taken our children out of school for as long as 3 weeks at a time. We are fortunate, they are all hardworking kids that catch up quickly. I usually get homework beforehand and have the kids do it on the plane journey. A lot of these absences were not excused. We had enough absences between that and illnesses that the attendance officer was contacted. That was not a big deal either.

I think if society as a whole could be more tolerant of each other, try and communicate sensitively to each other and just sort out lifes little bumps with the people that cause it, rather than with the help of social media, we and our children could have a much happier life.

I would love to know how parents would feel if we could post their notes to us online. I bet they’d think twice before shooting off a hateful letter if they knew there was a chance everyone would see how they treat other people. I have gotten some snotty, rude, obnoxious, and derogatory notes , even attacking my personal life (which I keep quiet). I wonder if they’d be so bold if everyone might find out how they really treat people who are professionally bound to not defend themselves.

I love this and whole heartedly agree. So many parents want the rules bent to fit their needs. I saw the attendance post you were referring too and had to shake my head. At my school we send out letters stating the state law and notifying parents of their number of absences as a courtesy when their absences reach 5. In my state only 9 undocumented (without dr note) absences are allowed in a semester. Just this past Monday my schools resource officer and I (as school rep) were subpoenaed for truancy court. The judge who resides over the truancy court is a no nonsense judge. Her opening statement reminds parents they are there for breaking compulsory attendance law and there is the possibility of going to jail. I wish more parents took attendance seriously, it is not our goal to file reports on parents. We just want their kiddos in school!

Thank you so much for writing this. I have taught high school for 7 years and the attitude of entitlement and defiance in both parents and their students is getting increasingly worse. Publishing our personal correspondence with parents on the Internet certainly isn’t helping. I’ve seen the attendance note and the responses have sickened me. I’ve had students taken out of school for vacations and parents then upset when I won’t give work in advance. I am. Not going to spend hours of my time making alternative assignments to the class discussions and lectures and group activities we do in my classroom simply so Johnny can go on a cruise. It isn’t even fair to ask me to. Not to mention all of the hours I have to spend with Johnny after school so to make up time so he doesn’t fall the course on attendance. In my district a student must make up time for anything beyond 5 absences in a semester or the student will fail the course. I agree with the policy. Time is incredibly important and believe it or not, when a student is absent he or she really did miss something. Whenever a student asks, “Did we do anything while I was out?” I always smile and say, “Of course not! We all missed you so much that we sat around crying into our shirtsleeves and decided to have a group therapy session to help us deal with our grief instead of doing the lesson I had planned.” That’s when they get my point an go check the absentee folder for work 😉

Lunch notes are a courtesy. I’d want to know if my child isn’t packing what he or she should be. One of my daughters was dumping everything but her chips and drink in the 3rd grade (apparently fruits, veggies, sandwiches, and the other healthy items were killing her vibe). I absolutely appreciated a note letting me know! I’d hate to this her teacher would be silenced by fear of me sharing that on social media as a “yet another” example of horrible teaching.

As for being told we cannot educate your child: maybe we can’t. I’m not a special education teacher and I often have students placed with me in the regular ed classroom who absolutely should not be. I am not the best person for that job. I’m not telling a parent that because I am lazy or unwilling to honor an IEP. I want what is in the best interest of the child and sometimes my environment isn’t it.

The teacher got upset by the sandwich because there are children else peanut allergies are so severe that they have anaphylactic reactions just by being in the same room with something that contains peanuts. I’ve witnessed it firsthand after a student opened a candy bar in my classroom and another child had to leave in an ambulance. Again: give us some credit. We are trying to do what’s best for every child in our care and sometimes that means asking you parents and your children to make concessions.

Dress code is an issue that irritates me to no end. We do not have dress codes code to body shame girls. We have them to teach both sees about appropriate public dress. Leggings are not pants, I don’t want to see rear ends or cleavage, I don’t need to know what color your bra is, inappropriate slogans aren’t OK. But every time a girl is sent home for her clothes, she or her parents plaster the story all over the Internet and we teachers and administrators become the bad guy. Everyone glosses over the fact that the child in question knew the rules and yet chose not to follow them.

I homeschool my son, for reasons other than I don’t like school rules. It is what is best for my family. I do agree some of the notes posted online are just about shaming the teacher or whining about not getting their way. We must remember that teachers are sending that note home for a reason and its most likely not to shame your kid or you. Parents want respect from the teacher but at times aren’t willing to give it. Respect goes both ways! I do have to say though that I have seen some instances where the teacher has gone to far. I am not saying it was right to post about it online, I’m just saying sometimes its not just the parents that are out of line. Again, respect goes both ways.

Teachers are sending that note home for a reason.yes, but I’ve literally never seen a reasonable teacher note posted online. People only seem to post notes from teachers that are inappropriate or rudely out of line. Just like I’m sure teachers show their colleagues notes they get that frustrate them it is perfectly fine for parents to show their friends or support systems notes from teachers that are upsetting as well. You don’t want people getting upset with something you say or write then don’t say or write something that is rude and upsetting. Teaching is just like any other profession, most of them are good but that doesn’t mean there aren’t crappy ones, too. ,

I read this and had to comment. Coincidentally just today I was talking to my husband about all the public shaming that I see popping up on Facebook. You know, someone takes a photo of somebody else texting while driving their car and then everybody shares it so it’ll get back to that person? Or the one of a woman making a disrespectful hand gesture (you can guess) at Arlington National Cemetery… Of course I don’t condone either of these actions but I see a huge trend beginning with public shaming on social media. It is bothersome to me and the teacher notes fall into the same camp. If you have an issue with somebody, talk to that person! Deal with it in a mature and appropriate way. There is no need to spread half-truths and shame about a person, organization or situation.

The same occurs when somebody slams a business for lousy service. Before you slam them on social media or Yelp, did you contact the management to see if they would correct the problem? Before you badmouthed them to all of your friends via the internet?

Social media can be such an incredible way to connect and re-connect with people. To support important causes and celebrate occasions. But there needs to be some common sense and personal responsibility that goes along with using it. And some people seem to forget that part! Enough with the public shaming. It’s not necessary.

I agree with your post in many ways. I cringed when I saw that teacher’s note go around fb. I used to teach in public school, then I had children and stayed home with them and homeschooled them. I’ve been on both sides. There is a cost/benefit analysis of a family trip v missing school. If school is missed, not only is it an unexcused absence, but lessons are lost. It’s difficult to catch up one child here and one child there if they all take off whenever they want to. It needs to be a team effort to work together to achieve the goals of learning. It is most hopeful that parents who take their children on the family trip in lieu of going to school would seek make up work to remain on pace with the class. The parents who worked with me were always a joy and I was always happy to work with them. However with the way some parents make things increasingly difficult, I don’t think I shall be returning to the classroom. I’d rather work with those who want to be a team.
Laurie

The principal shaming the parents – was after the fact. Nothing I’ve read has indicated that the parents asked for permission, opinions, or rules to be bent. They made a decision to take their children on a trip. They chose not to let the school interfere with their real lives. Maybe the school needed to send the letter to let the parents know that there may be truancy issues. And maybe the parents needed to let the world know that the school/principal feels they have the right to be policing a family’s outside activities.

This is why we homeschool comments – yes, absolutely. Not because we don’t like to follow the rules or expect special treatment, but because we made a lifestyle choice to raise our children ourselves, to not lock our children in a cage for 8 hours a day and then have their family time sucked away by homework, and because no one else has a vested interest in our child’s success. When we see/read/talk about issues like these, we nod our heads and say, this is why we homeschool. It is over simplified, but it’s our way of saying we understand, but you’re preaching to the choir. Been there, done that, got the hell out.

As far as notes go, it really depends on the situation. Most of the time, it is better to deal directly with the teacher. And I doubt parents expect their posts to go viral.
As far as absences go, it really depends on the day. I’ve had my kid home and done her work with her (the teacher sent lessons home). Then, my kid was ahead and had nothing to do in class because the teacher didn’t get that far.

I love this post! I completely agree. My husband and I are both teachers. I am currently not teaching but have been staying home with my girls. My youngest is off to kindergarten next year and that leaves me with a decision to make about if I’m ready to go back to teaching. Like you said, it’s a scary world out there for teachers! The stories my husband shares with me really do scare me some days! Your post hits the nail on the head. Yes, these may be genuine concerns or issues but they are being handled completely wrong. Take it to the teacher!!! Don’t gossip, complain to others, spread it around fb, or anything else. Just talk to the teacher about it. Thank you again for posting. I hope this gets shared a million times over!

I completely agree with the idea that it’s poor form for parents to publicly post / publicly shame the teachers and administrators. I taught high school, so I’ve been there with all the difficulties in communicating with parents. Phone calls are great, but some parents are unreachable and a note is the only way to communicate (and in the same token, as a parent, teachers can also be difficult to reach by phone).

However, I think teachers also need to be more mindful of parental boundaries. Notes should be more informative than assuming and judgmental. In your suggested note about the lunch issue, the first paragraph is great…you are making the parent aware of what their child had in their lunch in case it was an oversight. However the second paragraph enters dangerous territory. You are assuming the child needs to be on free and reduced lunches. This is a huge stereotype. I sure there are plenty of affluent families who don’t always pack the most nutritious lunches for their children. And it could be insulting to a family for you to jump to the conclusion that they must not be able to afford a lunch for their child.

I saw a note going around from a school telling the parents they could not pack oreos, lunchables, fruit snacks, peanut butter, etc (http://wnep.com/2015/04/28/mom-says-school-wouldnt-let-daughter-finish-lunch-because-it-was-not-nutritious/). These decisions should be left up to the parents. If I want to reward my child and pack them oreos on occasion, then I should be able to do so. And while I understand in this particular case that is the school policy and maybe they just need to find a different school, this is not the case in most schools…no such policy exists.

So yes, we need to support our teachers and respect that they have our children’s best interests at heart. But we, as teachers, also need to figure out where the line is between being a child’s advocate (as is very necessary in some cases) and trying to trump the parent’s authority over the child.

As a teacher, I think it would be better to call parents for things that can be taken personally (concerns about food, hygiene, etc.) instead of writing a note or sending an email. It’s so easy for things to be interpreted in a different way than they were intended when getting a written note. There definitely is a shift in general attitudes towards teachers, so I feel like I have to be much more careful when contacting parents so that they can tell I’m on their side!

I couldn’t disagree more. You are somehow assuming that teachers are always right and always acting in the best interest of a child, or that school policies are always reasonable. Guess what? They’re not. This is about accountability.

If a parent possibly posting a note is going to stop a teacher from saying what needs to be said, then they shouldn’t be teaching. And if the accountability that comes from a parent making known to a wide audience that school policies are absurd, then maybe those policies shouldn’t exist either.

It’s no different than any other job. You are accountable for what you say and do. Police officers have to account for the arrests they make and that’s why so many are now wearing body cameras. Every office work place lets you know when you’re hired that your email is not private and will be reviewed. This is no different.

I want good teachers and our school has many, But not all teachers are good teachers , many are less than average . I have seen three cases this week of teachers having inapporopriate relationships with students , in our area schools . I am aware of many teachers who fill the bars on ladies night and act like drunken fools . I am the first to support good teachers , but I dont assume someone is mother teresa and God’s gift to education just because they hold a teaching position . I will always be a strong advocate for my kids , even if it means going toe to toe with a teacher from time to time .

I agree with most of this but not the vacation. Some people don’t have the luxury of taking vacations during school breaks because of various work situations. They should be allowed to excuse there kids for up to a weeks vacation during the school year if that is the only time the parents can take there vacation

I agree with this! It is not just teachers who are singled out, of course. Many people’s mistakes and “sins” are aired for all to see on the internet as a form of “venting” for the offended parties. I think all of us need to work on being thicker skinned and more willing to reach out to one another to create solutions.
I must admit however that reading the disparaging remarks about the self-packed lunches connected to kids bouncing of the walls, etc. is not helpful in reaching these connections.

I totally agree! I will never understand why some people think it is ok to put certain things out in the public. I guess it is one of the downsides of social media….Facebook Muscles. I’ve always been a believer that if you have a grievance, go directly to that person first. In the case of parents/teachers, if you take the time to keep an open line of communication with each other throughout the year, hopefully both parties will feel free to express themselves civilly if the need should arise. I often wonder if my kid’s (4 of them) teachers get sick of me because I sometimes feel like I “communicate” too much. But they have all made me feel good about being an involved parent.

I agree, we are too quick to post everything on social media, and often saying things we would never say face to face. As if saying it online doesn’t count.
Just wanted to clarify, the nurse that tragically commited suicide after a prank phone call made by Australian radio hosts to the hospital did NOT leak information. She simply transferred the phone call. The staff member who actually shared Kates medical information was a completely different person

I agree mostly, except on the lunch issue. I have my boys, ages 12 and 9, pack their own lunches and they always have. Yes, I help them cut things and approve their lunches when they decide to pack, but giving them the responsibility doesn’t mean I love them less. I want them to see and appreciate what goes into making a meal so that they can respect the people who cook for them, both at school and home.

The principal’s letter seemed so cold and unfeeling. The substitute teacher’s letter was judgmental – send a “proper lunch”. It’s not wonder to me that the parents got upset and posted them online, though I agree with you that it’s not the most productive way to handle the situations. That said, if these parents had been treated with more respect and compassion, even while holding a limit or sharing a concern, I’m sure things would have turned out differently. As a new parent to the public school system, the amount of condescension from school staff has been sort of stunning to me. I really think school folks need to ask themselves how they are co-creating these situations.

It’s probably a form letter for kids who miss due to unexcused absences. I got one once (we almost never miss school).

The district likely has a policy in place to send a letter after X absences so that parents are aware. For the parents who DO chronically allow their kids to miss school for lousy reasons, this way they can’t cry “I didn’t know better!!!” when they get turned in to DCS.There are some kids missing 10% + of school days, THOSE are the ones that will face legal problems. The school documenting that they sent home a letter is a way to cover themselves legally and prove that the parent KNEW the child was missing too much.

I disagree! My husband is a mariner and is called out to sea quite often and therefore his schedule is irregular. When he does manage to get some free time, we take off on a vacay. I do not need some school being a bully threatening me and telling me that I am not allowed to take my child, MY CHILD, on a family vacay. We had our two oldest in a private school and they tried to dictate to us when we could and could not take a rare family vacay. They said it had to go before the board. I said no, it did not and I took my children out and now homeschool all three of my children. I will NEVER allow someone to dictate what we can and can not do with our children in regards to an education!!!

Just a few months back we had a some stuff happen in our family and I had to take my daughter out of school for a week. The school was upset because of it which I understood completely but couldn’t do anything about. I knew we’d get the letter and it did in fact arrive the next week. Our school has the same rules as this one above stated and I can respect that and accept the I unexcused days. If it came down to it, I’d be prepared to explain reasons in more details. I feel so bad for this principal. They’re following administration rules. These aren’t rules that they just make up to torture families. These are rules put in place because if the kids aren’t in school how can they keep up and stay on task with the rest of their class. Say the kids took their homework on vacation with them, what if there was stuff the dad couldn’t properly help with? It’s sad when there are parents out there saying teachers need to butt out but I am so certain that at the same time they’re also the first to say teachers need to be doing more for their precious snowflake! Can’t have it both ways!

I just hope his 15 minutes of fame were worth the public shaming, humiliation, and degregation he inflicted upon this teacher. His child’s lunch WAS questionable, and as a doctor, you’d think he’d know that. This is a small town…if the same lunch had been bought by a less-prominent parent’s child in that community, imagine the difference in how this would have played out. That teacher would have been praised for “catching” it, but since it was a doctor in town, it was criticized. She was doing her job and doing it well, which is more than I can say for him. This is a man who prides himself on being a physician and a Christian. It’s too bad his behavior doesn’t match his words.

I agree 100%–the lack of respect and understanding shows up on Facebook every single day, and it’s awful, sometimes truly criminal. But I’d like for folks to consider the following: as a teacher, which would you prefer, a note from your principal pointing out the faults you made in the classroom that day or a phone call or face to face conversation? I know as a parent, I’d much rather get the phone call and discuss the issue than try to respond to a note.

The root cause IMHO is not in the notes, it’s in the relationship (or lack thereof) between parent and teacher–and between teacher and administrator. We complain about kids not developing social skills due to too much screen time, but are we modeling those critical social skills? The Facebook rants are a symptom of a lack of understanding that can only be improved through better relationships, and relationship building takes time–face to face time–and conscious effort.

And maybe we just don’t have the time to give, but nothing will change until someone–a parent, a teacher, an admin–starts acting differently. It has to start with someone, why not with us?

You are so right and thank you so much for having teachers’ back in this. The truth is, these notes are not the best way to share information in the first place. If we’re commenting on things like child’s behavior, paper notes sent in kids’ backpacks often fail to reach parents anyway, and official letters take too long to get home and often feel too formal, putting an unnecessary strain on the parent-teacher relationship. I think parents would be more respectful if the communication channel was better defined – there are some new parent-teacher collaboration apps out there that help manage expectations for both sides and enable private, personal and secure communication.

Thank you so much for writing this post! As a mom and a teacher, I could not agree more with you. I did not take the time to read all the other comments, but I sure hope they were all agreeing with you. We all need to remember to treat others with the respect we would like and that teachers (most of them) really do only want what’s best for the child. Teachers want to be on the same team with the parents. I’m sharing this on my FB page as well.

I taught school for 33 years. I rarely sent a note home and those were the days prior to email. I picked up the phone and called my parents. If I was not able to connect via the phone, I would mail a postcard asking the parent to call me or send a phone number where they could be reached. “Tone” is so very important and despite emoticons nearly impossible to convey in writing.

Wow a whole lot of comments. Totally agree parents should not be posting stuff like this on Facebook. I do have a few problems with the schools way of dealing with a family trip. I am a SAHM but my husband works for the government. He rarely gets vacation time in the summer so what are families supposed to do when the parents don’t get summers off like Teachers? Schools must realize that kids might miss a week or 2 for a family trip! Honestly in Elementary school it really shouldn’t be that big of an issue. Missing school for no good reason that’s a problem. Going on a family trip should not be a problem.

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About Becky

Hi! I'm Becky Mansfield ~ founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you. Read More…