I'd rather be having a quiet drink... and can be followed on Twitter @alcothusiast; and friended on Untappd (handle: "neilcake" - all welcome).

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Stretford and Urmston Pub Crawl

It’s
rare these days that I try to squeeze two pub crawls into a month,
what with tight budgets and everything, but given the separation
between possible attendees, I was determined to follow Shelts’
Nottingham stag experience (which, I’m sorry to admit, despite
having a great time and visiting some excellent pubs, I didn’t
write anything about) with one a little closer to home. Enter the
#StretfordAndUrmstonPubCrawl, which you can follow almost in real
time on Twitter by searching that hashtag.

An
actual crawl of Urmston was long overdue, and despite some
excellent candidates, I felt there weren’t quite enough convenient
pubs (by convenient, I mean pubs within a reasonable distance that I
could get people to walk to) to spend the whole day there. For that
reason I decided to tack on, at the beginning, a trip to Stretford’s
Sip Club. From my base in Flixton, that should have meant a 20 minute
bus ride, but Mrs Cake offered to drive me, and that was most
welcome.

Arriving
at 2pm on Barton Road, I missed any sign of the Sip Club at first,
opting to stand on the corner and call Pablo, to see if he knew where
it was. He said it was signposted, and that you have to go up some
inoccuous stairs. Nothing looked likely at this point, so I said I’d
wait for him. It was while I was waiting that I saw, painted on the
side of the nearest building, a small white sign. I still wasn’t
sure, but after I saw Pablo, I walked past it and saw that it did
indeed indicate an innocuous staircase next to an estate agent. If
you look carefully, there are also various beer signs that I had
missed at first.

On
cresting the stairs it’s like one of those antique furniture shops
– all tatty old furniture and mismatched chairs (and doillies),
none of which would look out of place at your Gramma’s in the 80s.
Then there’s a wall, around the other side of which is the bar.
Layout leaves a little to be desired, but the overall effect is
quirky and appealing.

On
tap you’ve got about 4 beers, and a blackboard letting you know
what’s in bottles or cans.

Heritage
Trail Ale by Lymm Brewing Company. A brewery that’s quite local
to me, so I was surprised not to have at least tried one of its other
beers previously. This is what I’d call a standard golden bitter,
and not something I’d tend to be fond of. That much is reflected in
my score of 2/5. No ABV is recorded on Untappd (at time of writing)
for this one, but I seem to remember it was something half decent
like 4.4.

Pablo
and Carl both went for Blackedge Brewing Company’s American Pale
Ale, but I’d already had that. So when they went for what I’d
just had for my first drink, I tried something different entirely…

Equinox
Lager by Chorlton Brewing Company. Another local one, but instead
of draught this time, it was from a can. I don’t mind that. At 5.7%
it’s full flavoured, with a slightly bitter after taste that
Untappd rightly classifies as and Indian Pale Lager – though there
was no notification of that, as far as I remember, on the can. I
scored this 4/5. A little peruse over my history shows that I’ve
only tried one of this brewery’s output before, the Citra Brett
Pale, which also earned a 4.

Dave
joined us at this point (electing for HOP by First Chop), and it was
soon off to the Stretford Mall bus stop where a number 15 duly
arrived to take us the short jaunt to Urmston. We got off a stop too
late and had to walk a few minutes to get to our next port of call,
passing a number of scarecrows along the way. I didn’t know at the
time, but Urmston has itself a quaint little scarecrow festival at
this time of year (September).

David
had also joined us of course, but there’s no tidy way of slotting
that into the general narrative now.

We
arrived then at Urmston’s Hop House, a bar that Mrs Cake and I had
had high hopes for when we moved to the area. We’d been concerned
about lack of clientele, but have been back a few times since. It
remains quiet, but more alarming is the infrequency with which the
selection of beers is refreshed. I’m going to hazard a guess that
it’s not at all. On top of that, the bar man seemed to be offended
that anyone had bothered to show up at all, and put on some Bruce
Springsteen songs that seriously lacked bass, and would probably have
sounded better coming out of any of our phones.

I
opted for Flying Dog Brewery’s Snake Dog IPA (7.1%), the one
remaing beer in the bar that I hadn’t already logged. This was in a
bottle, of course. The distinctly average 3/5 that I’m scoring this
one fits right along with the other beers I’ve previously tried
from this brewery; Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale (3/5), Numero Uno
Agave Cerveza (3/5) and the current dangling bollocks of this
current Flying Dog, K-9 Cruiser Winter Ale (3.5).

We
didn’t fancy staying there for long (and there was nothing
different to drink anyway), so we headed over the road to The
Steamhouse, and out to the platform side tables of Urmston Train
Station. We were probably starting along the road to rowdiness at
this point, and started discussing Freemasonry, following a comment I
made, inspired by the book I am currently reading about the
ridiculous secret organisation.

I
went for a Memphis Belle (5%) by Cottage Brewing Company. It
is described as an American style pale ale, and I think I normally
like those, but this one I’ve scored only 2/5. Previous form for
the brewery reveals a mixed bag – from the lows of Sunset
(1.5/5), and Pacific and Princess Beia (both 2.5/5) up
to the heady heights of SS Great Britain (3.5/5 – so not that
heady or high, actually).

Next
we decided to see what was going on at new sports bar, Champs. It was
Saturday afternoon, so sport was what was happening, and we decided
not to stay for a drink because it was all standard lagers – I
don’t remember the exact brands, but if I suggest Staropramen, San
Miguel, Amstel… you get the idea.

So
it was on to the Tim Bobbin, another new experience for me. It’s a
Wetherspoon’s pub, which I normally try to avoid, and it does tend
to look at bit rough from the outside looking in. Nevertheless, Dave
had a recommendation for us, and it seems like Wetherspoons offer the
same variety across all their premises. And I have to say, the Tim
Bobbin was a real surprise package. Much cleaner, brighter and more
pleasant than most – not as striking as those ones that are in
historic buildings, but pleasant nonetheless.

At
Dave’s behest, I went for a can of the 9.1% Resin by Sixpoint
Brewery. It was something like £2.99, which isn’t bad for
around 300ml at that strength. Nevertheless, I gave it 3/5 and
conversation turned to the very recent Labour Leadership Election.

Before
we left I had another can from the Sixpoint range, Bengali which
was 6.5% and again scored 3 out of 5.

It
was here that things went wrong. I’d been saving for our last stop,
the jewel in Urmston’s drinking establishment crown, The Prairie
Schooner. But it was closed for a private party. That didn’t leave
us a lot of options, but we went for The Lord Nelson, a Joseph Holt
pub. Threadbare and local-style, it is nevertheless welcoming enough,
and contains all the Holt beers that you never really get to try
(because you don’t tend to go in Joseph Holt pubs). In spite of
that, I had a Black (only 3.8% when “black” things
would normally be expected to be stronger) and it turned out
I’d had it before, so I didn’t log it. I can see that I gave it
3/5 that time, and I have nothing to suggest I changed my mind about
it on this occasion (and indeed no real recollection of what I
thought of it).

Some
people had already started leaving by this point. I think we’d lost
David and Carl, and after the Lord Nelson we lost Dave too. Pablo and
I weren’t finished though, so we embarked on the generous walk to
the Roebuck Tavern. For me it was a Vinyl Tap by The Bootleg
Brewing Company this time (4.1%), and it managed only
2.5/5. The brewery liked my logging of it anyway. This is the company
that also makes Urban Fox, which I had tried previously
(scoring it 3/5), and that others in the party were drinking at the
Steamhouse, earlier in the day.

The
whole thing finished perhaps not as drunkenly as I was expecting,
though I did have both a kebab and a pizza that evening. And all that
only cost me about 40 quid. Not bad. It is a struggle to draw out
Urmston into a full length pub crawl, but I suppose I had been
counting on having more than one at the Schooner. Even so, I doubt
we’ll be seeing this kind of offensive there again. For a few pints
in the afternoon or evening though, it’s well worth a visit if
you’re local enough.

Beer
of the day then, was Chorlton Brewery’s Equinox Lager, while pub of
the day was the Tim Bobbin. Well done to those guys. No doubt we’ll
be seeing you again sometime.

Definitions

What happens when you zone out after having had a cheeky lunchtime pint.

Alcothusiast:

Not an alcoholic, someone who appreciates booze.

Anxiety, The:

The uneasy feeling that accompanies any noteworthy hangover.

Booze Buffet Mentality:

The propensity people have to go nuts whenever there's a free bar.

Booze Porn:Photos of alcohol.

Bread Chest:Not booze related, but this term describes the indigestion you get from eating too many bread products too quickly. Just putting it out there...

Crawler's Block:The inability to decide where to go next during a pub crawl - often resulting in crawl stagnation and someone saying, "shall we just have another one here?"

Crawl Stagnation:The result of failing to plan a pub crawl sufficiently - lack of a route, theme or over-familiarity with nearby pubs can all be contributing factors.

Excess Induced Alcohol Aversion:An intolerance for a drink caused (usually) by one occasion of overindulgence.

The Family:My whisky collection.

MOMA:

Moment of Maximum Appreciation. Every bottle has one. It's the time you drink it where you enjoy it most.

Old Man Pub:Traditional British pub, renowned for being quiet, cosy and frequented by old men. Much favoured by people who like a nice chat while they drink.Psychological Drinks Cabinet:Collective term relating to the kinds of alcoholic drinks a person has need for.Road Beers:

Cans of beer that you take with you when you go out, to consume on the way.

The 3 Types of Rum:White, gold and dark. Together they form the base of many a great cocktail.

About Me

Neil Cake is interested in all types of booze, but is by no means an authority or expert. Most of the time he's just trying to be funny, but he is learning, and enjoys sharing his adventures and what he learns on the Drink it How You Like it blog.
Thengyuverrymuuuuuch.