Category: Give ’em a Broadside!

Hey Kentucky! Welcome back to the Manifesto and more importantly to our regular feature Ted Talks, where friend of the blog and bon vivant Ted Andes shares his wit and wisdom on a wide variety of topics. Without further ado, take it away Ted!

“I’m just waiting for my man.”

Many regrettable life decisions have been made after an acquaintance says something like, “Hey. I’ve got something really cool that you might be interested in.” It is usually something taboo, like in those cautionary tales of an “after-school special”, or shown in a public service ad; “Just Say No.”. Of course YOU would never consider doing such things, and yet here you are. It is no longer hypothetical. Someone has “the stuff” conveniently placed in front of you, right here, right now. What do you do? There is no harm in having a little taste, right?… But that little taste is all it takes. You have just become another statistic, jonesing for your next fix. I’m not talking about the dangers of playing MMORPG-style video games, or putting back a couple shots of Malört. I’m talking about what lurks in the deepest, darkest, yet most adorable corner of the LEGO clone brick underworld. I’m talking about LOZ.

“Ahhhh… That’s the stuff.”

For those not familiar with LOZ, here are some links to their websites. I would guess that the vast majority of you reading this would walk the path of the righteous, and not give these parts a second thought; “Yet another Chinese company blatantly knocking off LEGO sets? And knocking off the alt-build designs of AFOL’s too? Boooooo!!!” That’s what I had thought too… but there is a catch that you might not have expected from seeing the photos of their pirated sets; all of their parts have been shrunken down to 3/4 the scale of their LEGO sized counterparts.

Based on their corporate website, it looks like LOZ is mainly focused on targeting the European markets. The numbers seem too evenly balanced on their map (almost everything is set at 10%), so who really knows for sure.

Flint Griffin (a.k.a. “Random Vector”) was the acquaintance giving out demos at Brickworld Chicago to anyone who wanted to give them some play; “You want to see the most adorable bricks ever? It will blow your mind!” he said, or something to that effect. “If you build something cool with them, I’ll even let you keep the MOC.” The first time he beckoned, I was still busy getting that darned speeder coaster to work. Once Saturday’s public display hours had ended, however, I needed a little something to take the edge off. “Give me a hit of that micro play brick, will ya?”

“Psst. Over here…. Aren’t these the most adorable bricks you’ve ever seen?”

Huddled around a back table at Brickworld, we gathered and played with Flint’s random pile of LOZ. Once the visceral reactions to these being pirated bricks had subsided, the novelty of these pint-sized parts shined through. For those of us that have the LEGO parts catalog ingrained into our psyche when we build, the transition to using LOZ was relatively seamless. Whenever I started wondering if LOZ had made such-and-such a part, sure enough I found it on the table; Pneumatic T’s? Technic bricks? Clips with bars? Click-hinges? Dishes? Travis (Jr.) bricks? Printed BrickHeadz eyes? Yes to all. LOZ has made a three-quarters-scale copy of most new LEGO parts you might wonder about… and of course in the typical LEGO colors. It really was just like building with shrunken down LEGO parts. (I’d be curious to see the reactions of people who thought they were actually buying standard scale LEGO knock-offs, only to find much smaller bricks upon receipt… priceless). They even have some of the parts you always wished LEGO would make, like double-sided plates with studs on both sides.

This sharing (plagiarizing) of the LEGO parts catalog is both a blessing and a curse. Many times sitting at the table, I was thinking “I’ll just stop here and finish the rest at home with my own LEGO parts… Oh wait. I can’t. These aren’t LEGO, and mine won’t work with them.” Putting random pieces together, I noticed that the part quality was really good. The only breakage I had witnessed was on a small chain linkage, which was understandable. The parts can be really difficult to both assemble and separate at that scale, so having their 3/4 scaled brick separator would have definitely helped at the time (they do actually make one!).

Before playing with these LOZ bricks, I would never have given them a second thought. No way would I ever be interested in messing with them, let alone buy them. Who needs them? Who cares?… But in the setting of a brick convention, they made for the prefect curiosity; a jigsaw puzzle, drawing like-minded builders around a table together to “MOC and chill”. Part, part, pass.

“Stop and think about everyone you are hurting.”

LOZ were brought back into my consciousness a couple weeks ago, after I saw a post on flickr about the latest LOZ set; a knock-off of the LEGO VW Beetle and Gerald Cacas’s alternate build. Here are the links to do the comparison; LOZ Vs “My alternate MOC was cloned!!!”

“SHAME!!! … SHAME!!!!”

Seeing the blatant plagiarism of Gerald’s design, the reactions from the building community were as expected, including the suggestion that he “sell instructions so they lose sales.” However that is not exactly a counter move against LOZ, since they are selling a 3/4 scale version, using 3/4 scale bricks. The only way that would impact LOZ is if they in turn have their own knock-off competitor, also making all of the LEGO parts at their 3/4 scale size (is that meta enough for you?).

Gerald mentioned that he tried to reach out to The LEGO Group (TLG) to let them know, but he said that they just shrugged their shoulders. It makes you wonder what TLG ‘s strategy is in defending their intellectual property (IP) when it comes to LOZ:

Did TLG balk since their main brick patent had expired, and the 3/4 scale parts are not a direct 1-for-1 knock-off (unlike the worst offender, LEPIN)?

When the cloning is being done in China, is the Great Wall of government protectionism and red tape is not worth the effort to surmount?… or is it a situation of “Sigh. We know. Just add it to the pile.”?

At this stage, what IP does TLG consider the most vital to protect? The LEGO trademarks? The set designs? Their other individual part designs? The minifig? … We all know how they feel about anyone calling the building blocks “LEGOS” vs. “LEGO bricks” (to protect the brand), and any photo leaks of to-be-released set designs (to ensure they are first-to-market before any bootlegs can surface).

On top of all of those TLG specific considerations, there are also all of the licensed themes that LOZ have made into “Brickheadz”, Disney’s catalog being a MAJOR one. Does LOZ actually have the licensing to market these sets? I can’t see how. For TLG to be paying a licensing fee to Disney, one would expect some kind of contracted exclusivity so that TLG is the only company licensed to produce building-block sets of the licensed theme. So then that means that LOZ are REALLY thumbing their noses at not only TLG, but a bunch of other mighty big companies. That’s crazy… Crazy like a fox.

LOZ might be taking the approach of “any publicity is good publicity”. Want to get the attention of the largest hive of building bees? You could plant some nice original designs of flowers or something to attract them… or instead you can kick the hive! This plagiarism of part designs, set designs, and licensed themes is a sure fire way to drop a cherry-bomb into the hive and get those bees to take notice (and maybe one even writes a blog article, despite knowing full well that he is playing right into their hands…). Sure, the bees all want to sting LOZ now, but it still creates a buzz that will draw at least few new people in.

All of their blatant plagiarism was a hard conflict for me to overcome in buying anything from LOZ. As with all creative endeavors, I want to ensure my support goes directly to those who developed the IP, as best that I can… however, the small scale of those LOZ parts themselves were still very intriguing. After much deliberation, I finally decided to purchase a couple of sets as research for this article… and for the lulz.

“Treat every customer with your heart”… as for everyone else, well…

I ordered 3 LOZ sets; the aforementioned knock-off VW Beetle (with its equally knocked-off alternate AFOL design), Spongebob Blue Hero, and a yellow Transformers Scorpion. Their sets were priced cheaper if you bought them without their packaging, so that is exactly what I did. LOZ offers free shipping on orders over $25 US too, which is amazing for international shipments. I placed my order on August 2nd, and the box arrived in my mailbox in Kentucky 11 days later. That’s pretty fast for a shipment being sent half way around the world.

The shipping box was made from that rice paper cardboard that most recycling centers in the USA refuse to take (the fiber length is too short to be reprocessed back into paper products… now you know). It was also the kind of shipping box that your postal carrier will have no reservations in trying to cram into your much smaller mailbox, because they are too lazy to get out of their vehicle and walk to your door.… Just “crease, crumple, cram”… You ‘ll do fine.

Inside the box were all three sets and their instructions, each placed in their own plastic zip-bag. I wasn’t actually planning to build any of these sets, but for the sake of this article I sucked it up and built the knock-off VW Beetle (to me, the only thing less enjoyable than sorting is being obligated to build the set first… it’s why I have a growing pile of unopened LEGO set boxes collecting dust). Each complete LOZ set comes in unnumbered ploy-bags, so if you plan to build them you WILL have to do some sorting first.

What’s inside?…

Their instructions are printed on a movie poster sized fold-out, harkening back to those massive fold-out roadmaps that many of us used before car-mounted GPS navigation became all the rage. The instructions themselves were straight-forward enough, apart from an odd 1×1 round plate that they wanted me to attach onto a hidden underside somewhere. Each step shows a lot of parts added at once, so you will need to pay close attention.

Part separation is still an issue with these parts, so place them thoughtfully. This is especially true if you didn’t get a part separator included with the set – the one I found was included in the yellow “Transformer” set. There was a moment or two where I thought I might be missing a part, but everything was accounted for in the end. After the ‘Blue Beach Car’ was completed, there were tons of parts left over too. That made it a little deceiving as to how much longer it would take for me to complete the build. I assume most of those extra parts were used for the alternate knock-off build, but I think LOZ also erred on providing extras just in case. That deserves a “LOZ size” bit of praise.

Messing around with the leftover parts, I discovered that LOZ bricks are actually compatible with LEGO bricks. At the 3/4 scale, the LOZ anti-stud tube is the same diameter as a LEGO stud. This means that a LOZ tube can fit inside of anyplace that a LEGO stud could, and that a LEGO stud can fit into anywhere that a LOZ tube would. Here is a pic illustrating this fact (along with showing the 3/4 scale difference side-by-side in a 2×4 plate, and the brick separator).

LOZ vs LEGO bricks

There is no real point in reviewing the ‘Blue Beach Car’ design itself, as it is just a slightly altered version of the original. Instead, I think a rundown of how LOZ Brickheadz compare to LEGO Brickheadz works just as well…. And plagiarizing the plagiarizer’s mouth-piece blogger while doing it… (with my own added comments in parentheses)

LOZ Brickheadz have more detail and more play-factor (play-factor? You mean that mask that flops up to imply that all Brickhedz are all androids? A classic knock-off toy company move, if there ever was one)

LEGO Brickheadz are ideal for model collectors who want to create a display (Um… okay? Care to explain this point?…wouldn’t LOZ be better, since you could fit more of them on a shelf?)

LOZ Brickheadz have “daintier” proportions which may make them less suitable for kids (HEY! NO TOUCHING!)

We had a ridiculous amount of fun building both models! (I have no counterpoint for that – they ARE copying the original designs from LEGO, so it stands to reason they would be equally fun)

For the final chapter in this morality play, I took the ‘Blue Beach Car’ model and the loose LOZ bricks to recent meeting of local builders for some show-and tell. You might remember Charley and Nate from reading my BrickUniverse Louisville 2018 round-up. Charley is a dyed-in-the-wool LEGO man through and through; he has the original LEGO brick patent number memorized, celebrates Ole Kirk Christiansen Day every year, prefers to set our local meeting times to those printed on the LEGO clock tiles, etc. You get the gist – Everything is Awesome… if it’s LEGO! Nate is more of a pragmatic man, and falls near the other end of the building-block spectrum. He’s open to whatever is readily available, and he has been working the Duplo like a boss.

When I originally mentioned LOZ blocks to Charley three weeks ago, his baseline reaction was the equivalent of “wake me up when I care.” Seeing them in person didn’t change his opinion that much, but he didn’t come down on them as hard as I thought he might either. It turns out that he is a “live and let live” kind of guy. His feeling is that someone was considering LOZ, it would be when they cared more about building the set-model than about what parts they were actually using to build it.

Nate thought the LOZ were intriguing, but our conversation led to a discovery that was even more intriguing to me. I learned that Nate is working on a massive Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles MOC exclusively using Mega Bloks. As a challenge, he is purposefully going to exclude any LEGO from the MOC. Because of that he thought it wouldn’t be kosher for him to bring it to the next BrickUniverse Louisville (mark it on your calendars everyone – January 19th-20th, 2019!). I told him, “Bring it! You definitely need to bring it!” If someone is purposefully buying Mega Bloks by choice to build an individual MOC layout, then LEGO purism be damned! That is something I just have to see!

“No matter how hard I scrub, I still feel so dirty.”

My original intent in writing this article was to take a hard look at how LOZ sails the seas of piracy, and I ended up telling someone to bring Mega Bloks MOCs to a brick convention. What a crazy turn of events (I think I need help). I have certainly used my fair share of 3rd party LEGO-compatible parts when LEGO didn’t currently have a viable solution; Big Ben Bricks train wheels, the CDX rollercoaster, BRKS baseplates, custom stickers and printed parts, and who can forget butcher paper! Using a majority of non-LEGO building blocks has never been in consideration for me, but should that mean everyone else has to build that way too?

So what say ye’, constant readers of the Manifesto? Would the novelty of LOZ’s 3/4 scale bricks mark an exception to your purist ways? If you planned to build a certain LEGO set model, like the VW Beetle, do you think you would be tempted to buy a 3/4 scale version of it from LOZ (and at only 45% the cost, depending on location)? Ignoring the long list of corporate ethics violations and moral dilemmas for just a brief moment, I can’t find too much to take issue with in the actual part quality, the price, or the service. Their discovery that they are semi-compatible with LEGO parts also made for an intriguing development.

In the end, however, the facts remain. I simply can’t ignore that LOZ are pirating set designs and disregarding copywrites (no matter how well they “treat every customer with their heart”). As informed consumers, we should all strive to be patrons to the creative design originators, rather than those who are knocking-off their works. For me, this first LOZ purchase will most likely be my last…. The shame… -=scrub=-… -=scrub=-… the shame just won’t wash off…

They say that Lego blog readers don’t care about convention coverage, they say that unless you were present to join in the action personally it is impossible to appreciate the experience fully. They even claim that people are resentful of parties they are not invited to. While I don’t necessarily debate this sage and long-standing wisdom, I’m throwing caution to the wind to provide you with the unvarnished truth of my time in the city of angels. It took me almost a full week to process everything that went down in order to compose my thoughts in a way that didn’t read like an embittered rant and even allowing for the interval I’m not sure I succeeded. But I am confident you’ll let me know in the comments. -Spoiler Alert!- Bricks LA 2018 was in turns awkward, uninspiring and mostly boring, which is the greatest sin any convention can commit.

I journeyed to America’s second largest city in search of big-city adventure and excitement but found only regional boilerplate and the only fun was the fun we brought with us or had nothing to do with the convention itself. For the T.L.D.R. crowd you can check out now, go back to your video game and jumbo-sized bowl of paste, but the rest of you should gird your loins and prepare for a deep dive into….mediocrity. We’ll get into it later but this was the convention that made me realize I’ve become terribly jaded, almost incapable of enjoying the conventional traditions of our people. So if you were there and you think I’m being terribly unfair, take solace in the fact that this review may have more to do with my growing disenchantment with the very concept of conventions than the event itself.

I was browsing through the seemingly never-ending catalogue of photos from last month’s BrickWorld Chicago, when I was stopped dead in my tracks by the intoxicating creature you see below. She has the shoulders of a linebacker, the elegant hands of a Hebrew golem and the open-mouthed visage of a blow-up doll that loosely resembles the dreamy Lucius Malfoy. For those of you not in the know, the subject matter is the current version of Captain Marvel / a.k.a. Miss Marvel, a.k.a. Carol Danvers, a second tier superhero from Marvel comics, not to be confused with the DC hero of the same name.

IowaLUG’s own Doug Kinney is the builder responsible for creating my next wife and I must give him some whole-hearted praise for not relying on the crutch of a metal frame, or resorting to glue. Even if our pin-headed hero here enjoys some odd proportions and even stranger abdominal muscles, it’s all legit and Doug seems like a good dude who definitely succeeded in giving me a chuckle. I’d argue that Captain Marvel here is much more entertaining and thought-provoking than the much ballyhooed artsy statues of Certified Lego Professional Nathan Sawaya Esquire. I think Doug may be on to something here, re-inventing the full-size sculpture genre with non-traditional proportions and facial composition. Think Superman with a beer-gut or Wolverine with spindly old-man legs. If it’s not yet clear to new readers, I offer this kind of post in the spirit of good-natured ball-busting, and not mean-spirited attack (I’ll save that for another Brickworld-related post). I doubt very much I could do as well as Doug managed.

The builder also clearly demonstrates that he’s got a sense of humor about the final product, as he apparently gave a well received presentation on the topic entitled: “Captain Marvel: Keeping It Together“, where he explained the challenges of creating a giant sculpture with no previous experience. I wish I could have attended and asked Doug in person about the odd decision to put the trans-yellow letters in her palms and if he’d be willing to part with her. From the official BrickWorld website:

How a glueless amateur kept it together. Doug Kinney will describe his trials and errors in building a life-size statue. This will be an in-depth look into how he keeps the statue together without using either glue or a metal skeleton.

On the great LPAT scale (created by Brendan Powell Smith) I’m a solid 6 because this photo definitely interfered with my concentration to the point that I had to write this post in order to get some relief. I’m also pained because I will unfortunately never know Captain Marvel’s impure caress in person. I once took advantage of an Iron Man statue at a convention in Texas, but it was quite brief and unsatisfying and I’ve been looking to erase that memory.

It has nothing to do with the sculpture, but I’d also like to mention the big IOWALUG standee next to Carol, that’s a slick piece of work! It’s also a far cry from the basic banners that have been the norm for advertising LUGs at conventions. It’s freaking huge! It looks like something you’d see outside a shopping mall Optometrist’s office, advertising a free eye exam and two pair of frames for the price of one. I thought it was my ticket to identifying the builder (who was not credited in the photo), but when I went to IOWALUG.com as the standee suggested, I was greeted with a redirect to a domain name sales website. Apparently they changed the address to IowaLUG.org but obviously couldn’t change the standee.

So please take a moment to self-assess your level of pain in the comments.

A couple of weeks ago, in the comments section of this thread, friend of the blog and skilled builder Christopher Hoffman had this to say:

And if I may make a recommendation, this dude does some unique stuff and only has 2(!) followers on Flickr so far.

Now, I’m always up for a suggestion, especially from a valued reader who contributes regularly in the comments, so I took the link with high hopes. I was not prepared for what I found on Geng Lee’s Flickrstream, and even though I’ve had a few days to chew on the bone, I still can’t decide if the models are great or bullshit. I think of the guy as “Murmurdog” because the builder uses the signature to irritating effect on all of his photos. The name is kind of creepy and interesting but I hate when people put their stupid logos and signature lines on their models. It seems incredibly pretentious to me, all the more so because the medium of choice is a childrens toy and more often than not the people who use such icons don’t produce compelling models.

On the upside, Murmurdog has his own distinct style, even within a relatively small sample size of creations. His models and general style of building don’t really remind me of any other builder and that is kind of rare these days. My favorite of his efforts to date is the Donald Duck image you see below, it’s a wonderful perversion of the classic Disney character with a hidden stomach cavity that contains the brushed gold device you see him brandishing. I’m probably a little more inclined to like this one because I have a strong aversion to all things Disney and the cult of people who worship at the mercantile temple of the mechano-rat god. But no matter how much I can appreciate demented Donald, he’s terribly low-resolution and kind of crappy when you get down to the nuts and bolts. After spending way too much time considering the issue, I was left asking the question: is weird and artsy enough to be considered ‘good’? Or is this some sloppy action masquerading as something more.

On the downside it’s probably worth noting that he’s only got 18 followers (including me) and a handful of favorites. Perhaps the most damning evidence is that the Manifesto seems to be the first and only blog to pick up his work. BrickNerd posts just about anything Disney themed and TBB is so thirsty these days they will post anything that is remotely interesting, so if neither one has taken a flier on Mr. Lee, then I think it’s safe to say that the models don’t conform to the widely excepted standard of what makes a compelling Lego creation. I know it’s stupid to base a decision like this on popularity slone, but people don’t seem to be all that receptive to Murmurdog’s models and that’s probably worth pointing out, if it may seem a little mean-spirited to do so.

In the end I guess Murmurdog and Christopher Hoffman win because I had enough doubt to make this post, but I’m putting the issue in front of the jury of their peers. What say you, constant reader? For those of you who refuse to comment because of a language barrier, Aspy-based fear or the all-encompassing death by inches of apathy, I have included a poll to make things easier and less time-consuming.

When I first announced my intention to launch the Manifesto, I was urged by many of my fellow builders to give the blog a presence on Facebook and Twitter. So after a few weeks of operation with tepid numbers and against my better judgement I signed up for both. I had an account briefly when I blogged for TBB a few years ago, because it was encouraged by the editor in chief, but I never enjoyed the process and I closed my account immediately upon leaving TBB. Facebook is just a never-ending river of bullshit, a grinding exercise in excruciating minutia. People communicate in ‘likes’ and single sentence blurbs like Sims and most people who add you as a “friend”, never bother to speak directly to you. I can’t abide that kind of nonsense, I know it’s the norm these days but it’s not for me or this blog. No matter how much I like you, I don’t care what you had for lunch, I don’t care which idiot you’re voting for and I probably don’t like your favorite band (that nobody has ever heard of, but is the absolute best!). After only a few weeks on Facebook I found myself disliking people I used to admire and picking internet fights with complete strangers. Also, a couple of nutty ex-girlfriends and my in-laws quickly found me and that’s never a good thing. On the upside, the blog did enjoy an initial upward spike in all metrics after I activated the Facebook account, but like all shiny things the number of direct referrals dwindled to almost nothing in very short order. It became clear that people were reading the tiny blurb on Facebook, hitting the ‘like’ button and calling it good. I don’t place any value on Facebook ‘likes’, it is a meaningless currency. I want people to read and engage with the blog, not give me a high-five without bothering to actually read what I have to say. That’s the Facebook way though, everything is disposable…everything is mindless consumption and cat videos. In the end it’s nothing but an advertising system where everyone is pushing a product or an ideology. This rant is just a long way of saying that I deleted the official Manifesto Facebook and Twitter accounts yesterday. So if you were relying on either platform to follow the blog, my apologies, but you’ll have to figure out another method to keep up with our ramblings.

We might as well talk some Lego while we’re here, this lovely Facebook logo was created by Singapore builder Jeffrey Kong, A.K.A. Artisan Bricks. It’s perfect in every way, and it would be nice to see him tackle an entire series of logos. The logo is so good I’m sure Mr. Kong could monetize it, if that was his goal. I bet Facebook is always on the lookout for cool swag to give to it’s employees and this model seems like it would be easy to mass produce at a good price point.

Jeffrey has a very eclectic mix of subject matter in his photostream and it’s all pretty great. You will find everything from wheelchairs , to pencil sharpeners, to this snazzy coat of arms that was presented to the Singapore Armed Forces Basic Military Training Centre (School II). I know nationalism and militarism is a dicey topic for some members of our community, but I dig it, especially when it comes with a side order of foreign flavor. I put it in the same category as religious-themed models: not something I’d necessarily do myself, but it always piques my interest when it’s done well. Jeffrey had this to say about the coat of arms: “A salute to the true-blue sons of Singapore who gave their time – and some their lives – to keep our land free.” Right on, dude!

The Singapore Armed Forces Basic Military Centre’s other slogan is pretty good too. I doubt this is their theme song, but it totally could be.

I’m gonna put this post to bed before it wanders any further afield. So to conclude, you have my apology if the Manifesto unfriended you on Facebook, I know it must hurt. Let’s be honest though, your constant ranting about organically grown, farm-to-table, locally sourced, low-impact, micro-green driven, artisanal food is not doing you any favors.

I can’t believe it was only a month ago that I was strolling the convention floor at the BrickSlopes LEGO fan event accompanied by famous bon-vivant Matt rowntRee. Since it was a relatively small convention, we were afforded the opportunity to evaluate just about everything the attendant AFOLs had to offer. Not content to just smile and nod, we enjoyed a running commentary that was equal parts praise, smack and non sequiturs. I estimate we were in violent agreement about 90% of the time when it came to constructive criticism, with only a few models that we couldn’t come to a consensus on. There was however a single display that sparked a spirited debate and made me question the sensibilities, judgement and perhaps even sanity of our good friend rowntRee. I don’t want to skewer the responsible builder, because that would be a jackassy thing to do (even for me) and the blame-finger shouldn’t be pointed in his direction, but rather towards a hipster German advertising agency. In 2012 the Jung von Matt agency out of Hamburg released a minimalistic ad campaign for LEGO. The “Imagine” series features iconic cartoon characters from American pop culture represented in simplistic stacks of 2×2 brick and plate. I have no idea who these particular stacks are supposed to represent, but you get the idea.

That’s right, its just a stack of bricks and plates….nothing more. It isn’t clever, it isn’t interesting, it’s a slick ad campaign at best and moronic over simplification at worst. I understand the point they are making about taking the most basic LEGO parts and turning them into something iconic, but that doesn’t make the end result any less lame. This is the artistic equivalent of drawing stick-figures or making a friendship bracelet. Watch the video, constant reader and just “imagine” how pretentious the good folks at Jung von Matt can make these stacks of brick seem. This reminds me of a Saturday Night Live parody commercial it’s so dumbed down and could the narrator possibly sound more British?

Now “imagine” a bunch of sweaty mankinder decide it’s actually cool and they go out and cover entire convention tables with stacks of 2×2 bricks. We even give them uninspired names like “Block Buddies” and “Brick Buddies” because everything needs to have “brick” in the title if it’s associated with the hobby: BrickLink, BrickJournal, Bricks by the Bay. If I was thinking straight, I should have called this site the KeithBrick Manifesto for maximum marketability. Now, “imagine” those same sweaty Mankinder rushing to be the first to stamp their names over all the familiar fanboy franchises. because if you can be the first to slap your watermark on Brick-Buddy Harry Potter, just “imagine” the kudos that will rain down upon you and how much credit you’ll receive. Now, “Imagine” how terribly boring it all is, even when the builders break the simplicity of the “standard” altogether and start adding appendages and accessories. You just can’t put lipstick on a pig and the more the standard morphs the worse it becomes. Can you possibly “Imagine” how much this fad makes me want to slit my wrists.

Now “imagine” we’re back at the convention and Matt rowntRee defending the table full of row after row of stacked columns of 2×2 brick. I’m pretty sure he used words like “clever“, “iconic” and “endless variation with a limited palette“. He also seemed to think it was cool that the display was interactive, that public day attendees would love to play a game called guess the stack of bricks? Is that black stack of bricks Blade or Darth Vader? I didn’t hang around the table of Brick Buddies during public hours so I’m not sure if that’s a thing or not, but it sounds dreadfully boring. Listen Matt, just because I can identify roughly half of those 2×2 brick stacks on the table doesn’t make it clever, it just means I’ve been programmed to identify Robin, especially when he’s standing in between the Batman and Wonder Woman.

Of course, the first builder that popped up when I searched “Brick Buddies, Justice League” was Simon Liu. Get out of my head Liu, I can’t take it anymore! Once again, it’s six degrees of separation with Simon. I should have known he’d be down with Brick Buddies. This photo has over ten thousand views! I don’t get it.

I anticipate the following reaction from many of you: “who cares, let them do their thing” or “I think it’s cute“. Yes, it’s true, everyone has the right to build whatever they want, I acknowledge that to be self-evident. However, it doesn’t stop the Brick Buddies from being tragically, irredeemably lame and when we fill our tables with them at conventions it makes us all look like a bunch of simpletons.