More Bullshit

Car ride today. My dad keeps forcing the issue of my bisexuality as he has been doing now and then ever since I came out to him. Thing is: he forces the issue, then recoils and tells me not to talk about it, gagging, and wondering aloud how and why any guy couldn't or wouldn't love a beautiful woman. (No matter how many times I remind him, he doesn't seem to understand that bisexual people are attracted to both sexes). Then he chastises me, asking me "why can't you just be like everyone else?" as though I had chosen the wrong sports team to cheer for, or something.

It could be a lot worse. I mean, he could kick me out of the house. Hell, he could be physically abusive. So far, he's done none of these things; yet he's never shown this level of rejection towards me, so I don't quite know how to respond. I feel both that I've let him down, but also that I don't give a fuck whether I live up to his black-and-white Leave It to Beaver expectations or not. (Hint: if you want to understand just how conservative my family is, imagine all the phones in my house ringing to the tune of "The Star Spangled Banner.")

He'll force the issue again. He's a religious asshat, so it's inevitable. He may, as religious folk do, feign open-mindedness, but when push comes to shove he's just as fundamentalist and reactionary as any "born again" Southern Baptist preacher. He gives the typical spiel that he "hates the sin" and "not the sinner," and that God works through people in mysterious ways. But I know it's just hatred. Hatred fueled by fear fueled by ignorance. Through all that insidious thickness, I know there's never going to be an opportunity to communicate with my dad on this issue: not at any tangible level, anyway. That, I think, is what irks me the most.

And that's just how it is. Ignorance, once manifested into hatred, becomes willful and adaptive. His is the product of upbringing and religious beliefs. He's never going to get over the fact that his son's a c**-guzzling ******, and that's just the way it'll have to be. As the saying goes, you can't reason someone from a position to which reason did not lead them in the first place. So I'll just have to live with the idea that my own father thinks I'm a hell-bound worldly deviant. I don't know if it should bother me more or less.

Eh. Fuck him.

EDIT: I just want to say that to all you fags who are also stuck with your parents but have it far worse than I (physical abuse, etc.), I'm very sorry... stay strong for all our sakes.

I know this isn't much consolation. But remember that what your father thinks of you, and what's really the truth, are two different things. It sucks when someone who's supposed to accept you for who you are, refuses to. I know this is WAY far from being the same thing, but a while ago when I was dating someone out of my race, my dad refused to speak to me for 2 years because of it. It hurt, but I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong. And you aren't doing anything wrong either.

Left on its own, ignorance will always mold itself into hatred. What most see as a benign, "blissful" thing has the inevitability of becoming a willful, adaptive, determined and malicious tool -- recursive, dynamic and self-perpetuating.

Fifty-five years being subjected to it, I don't see my dad coming around any time soon.

It's good that you are brave enough to admit this to him. I myself have not come out to my father, and am a little bit terrified of what his reaction might be. Odds are, your dad will come around, at least that's what I hear from the personal testimony of those I've spoken with who get a negative reaction from their parents. He may indeed feign acceptance for a while; it's probably too far-fetched to assume that he'll ever be attending any PFLAG meetings. My ex bf's dad used to put sexual re-orientation/reform camp brochures on his desk every other week shortly after he came out, until my ex went off on him and demanded him to stop. Sometimes a firmer approach is necessary to at least get him off of your back if he is persistent about bringing it up. Not quite sure what there is to gain by initiating that conversation, unless he thinks you are choosing to be bisexual and he's trying to reason you out of it or something. Perhaps he should be educated about matters of sexuality, and there are plenty of resources available to consult.

Eventually parents are going to become a less prominent part of your day-to-day life, at which point this issue will be far less burdensome. I take it you're still living at home?