My 2 yr old refuses to feed himself with cutlery

To everyone out there, I need some advice on what I do with my 2 yr old. He has never been interested in even attempting to try and feed himself ever since he was weaned and I have ran out of ideas and I need help. I have gone right back to basics with him and he throws a massive tantrum with tears, screaming and sobbing and refuses point blank to do anything! Finger foods are ok but is funny about touching certain things and sometimes he refuses to eat all together. I have asked two health visitors for advice and the first one reckons he drinks too much and to stop him drinking an hour before food, that had no effect when I tried it. The second said to just leave his food in front of him to get on with it and if he hasn't eaten it within 20 mins, then to remove it and has nothing til the next meal time, but how long can you not let your child eat for without feeling guilty? I'm not sure if its because he sees me feeding his 1 yr old sister but I just need advice from people that could be in the same situation as me, anything will be appreciated. We eat at the table in the kitchen but I don't eat with them as have found it easier to get myself fed before feeding everyone else since my second was born. Please help!

Totally agree - DTs (21mo) eat so much more and use their fork / spoons much better when we eat with them. If they don't eat / start messing around I just take it away. Nine times out of ten they will eat better at the next meal. I have also cut out snacks and they seem to eat better at lunch / dinner since then.

he doesnt have milk, only milk he gets is in his breakfast but he gets plenty of yoghurt and cheese to supplement instead. all this info is greatly received cos I sometimes feel like Im fighting a losing battle but will take everything on board and keep to my guns

Not much consolation but my two year old is just like yours and quite skinny. He doesn't mind if I feed his sister aged 8 months. I can't eat with them. Also often when I prepare dinner there is total meltdown.

2 year olds are stubborn - there are loads of things that DS is perfectly capable of doing that he flat refuses with 'no, mama do it'

Like everyone else says, all sit down at the table, all eat your dinner and let him eat what he will until it's time to clear away. He really won't starve, and eventually he'll come around to using spoon/fork and be begging for a knife

And as Jilted says, I'd also stop feeding the one year old - cut it up, maybe help them out with trickier bits, but chances are they'll figure out how to get food in pretty quickly

i'm glad im not the only one out there. I have done lunch like everyone has said to do and nothing much happened and he only ate 3 bits of toast and didn't feed himself his scrambled egg but its day 1 of starting again and im going to keep going and also change around my eating habits too, so fingers crossed.Other question I didn't fully answer but its blue milk he has in his breakfast.

My DD was like that. She was insanely fussy about what finger foods she'd pick up, and she refused to be spoonfed from 10 months on.

I just gave her stuff I knew she'd eat (which was a far from balanced diet!).

She'll be 3 next month and she's really improving. She's less scared of trying new things and her repertiore has expanded. She's still very fussy by most people's standards but we're delighted with her.

I wouldn't worry, to be honest. Don't push him too much, don't let him know you're stressed about it and don't worry if his diet seems limited - loads of toddlers are like that and they turn out fine.

Oh, and it really is important to eat with them at least some of the time - DD is most likely to try new things if they're on my plate!

They also like eating around other kids. Have you any family or friends with small kids who'd come around for meals? DD used to eat lots of stuff in creche that she wouldn't eat at home.

Ive recently moved to where I am now about 3 months ago and the only family I have around me is my in-laws so im pretty limited and its hard too cos my husband is in the RAF and at the mo has not been with us since we moved down here but he is soon to be finishing his time with them and will be home for good as of beginning of next month so I will have more support.

Have you read 'My Child Won't Eat' by Dr Carlos Gonzalez? You might find it helpful and reassuring to read it if you haven't already. I borrowed a copy from the library and found it really useful. It's full of common sense and it helped me deal with fussy phases that my 16 month old goes through.