I have never asked for prayers before, but I could surely use everyone's prayers for the following request.

I would just like to ask for everyone's prayers for a situation that involves some people who I consider friends and their relationship(s).

A male friend of mine (who I have known for severval years - I actually met this guy through my old church) has been in a relationship with a girl for 2-3 years. During a year or more of this relationship, this guy has been carrying on a relationship on the side with a girl he met online. Neither one of these poor girls is aware of the other.

My coworker introduced me in person to the the girl he is physically seeing and we have all hung out together many, many times. He has also introduced me via theinternet to the girl "on the side" who he has been talking to online.

I would consider both girls to be friends (athough not very close) and I have enjoyed speaking with both of them and I have continued to talk to both of them since I had been introduced.

As I said, I consider myself friends with both girls and have known about the situation for some time, but I have kept my nose outta the guy's business because i felt it was not my place to become involved in someone's relationships.

I feel that he is the one in the relationship not me, hence he should be the one to break one or both of these relationships off.

Please do not look at my handling of this delicate situation as my condoning this behaviour - I find it morally unacceptable and reprehensible and it disgusts me to the core of my being. :veryangry: :cwm23:

Anyways, he has never met the girl in the online-only relationship before and I recently found out that he is going to be travelling to visit this girl this week - unbeknownst to the girl he is seeing here.

Because he is finally going to go visit and meet his "on-the-side" girl, I felt that she should know what has been going on with him and that she should know before he came there in case she wanted to speak to him about it face-to-face and give him the opportunity to finally grow a spine and be a man and tell her what he has been up to, or break their relationship off.

I know that she was so excited to finally meet him after all this time, but I could not let this jerk waste any more of this poor girl's time by being in a relationship with someone who can't be exclusive to her and treat her like a lady, which both she and every woman who walk God's green earth deserves.

So, tonight I basically told the girl in the other state (without actually telling her) and I know that she is absolutely heartbroken, as one would expect.

As if you couldn't already tell, this guy is a jerk and a liar who speaks with a forked tongue.

You may be wondering why I am friends with a guy like this(sometimes I wonder myself) but I will try to explain. As I said above, I met him through my former church where we both used to attend and I have known him for quite some time over a period of years. He didn't use to be like this, but he has basically fallen away from God and going to any kind of church is totally out of the question in his mind. He has told me that if he was to clarify his religious belief system right now, he would be a buddhist. I have tried to maintain a friendly relationship with him because I had hoped that I might be able to somehow influence him in a positive manner and hopefully get him back to attending a church again. As of this point, I haven't any luck so far and my friendship with him is on thin ice because of what he has been doing. We shall see how our friendship stands after all is finally said and done in regards to all of this.

This guy does not yet know that I have opened my mouth and I would like for it to stay that way, but I am thinking this situation may soon change because I am the only acquiantence of this guy's that the "on-the-side" girl knows and speaks to. I know for certain that if he finds out that I caused all his troubles that it will be "no more mr. nice guy" and he going to want to have it out with me and give me payback for talking.

I truly fear that my meddling (while trying to do the right thing by telling this girl what was really going on) has the potential to be absolutley catastrophic and I certainly do not want to be around with it all hits the fan, because "when the levee breaks, mama, you got to move"!!! :eek

The girl he is physically seeing does not know about any of this either and if she gets wind of this, the repercussions will be link unto stirring up a hornet's nest and break another heart and hurt even more feelings.

So I would ask that you would please pray for everyone that is involved in this mess, myself included and that this can somehow be resolved without all hell breaking loose,

There used to be social rules that could be invoked in cases like this. You stayed friends with this man, hoping to be a good influence. It hasn't worked. You were introduced and became friends with both ladies. This put you in a very awkward position. (Then there's wondering "WHY the man would tell you about it. My cynical side thinks that he wanted to brag.)

In the best of a bad business, you could have gone to him man-to-man beforehand and told him basically that he was being a cad, a scoundrel or some other noun of loathing and that he is using 2 other human beings for his own pleasure. That it's a low thing to do and that he would be causing hurt to 2 of *your* friends. That no real man treats a woman he cares about that way. You could try to bring some empathy into it: Would he like it if some woman played this game with him? That kind of thing.

Now he probably would have gotten mad and said things like it's his personal business (then why did he get you involved?) and that you're jealous (low blow) and so forth.

You could have told him that if he didn't do the right thing, that you would speak to one/both ladies. Or you could have said that your friendship is over and cut him out of your circle. It depends on him, you and how it went.

However, whatever comes of this will be at least one if not two womenfriends who will be hurt, confused likely and feeling betrayed because he *did* betray them.

I don't know if this helps any, sorry. It's a mess from any angle. But you didn't make it. He did. And telling him calmly but flat out that he was Wrong, might be a message he needs to hear.

Ebor

Logged

"I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was "Feed my sheep", not "Try experiments on my rats", or even "Teach my performing dogs new tricks". - C. S. Lewis

In the best of a bad business, you could have gone to him man-to-man beforehand and told him basically that he was being a cad, a scoundrel or some other noun of loathing and that he is using 2 other human beings for his own pleasure. That it's a low thing to do and that he would be causing hurt to 2 of *your* friends. That no real man treats a woman he cares about that way. You could try to bring some empathy into it: Would he like it if some woman played this game with him? That kind of thing.

Now he probably would have gotten mad and said things like it's his personal business (then why did he get you involved?) and that you're jealous (low blow) and so forth.

You could have told him that if he didn't do the right thing, that you would speak to one/both ladies. Or you could have said that your friendship is over and cut him out of your circle. It depends on him, you and how it went.

Ebor,

Thank you for your prayers as well as excellent suggestions.

In retrospect, I really could and most likely should have gone about the situation in a different manner. I should have talked to him about it personally, but since I have been distancing myself from him, I haven't had any contact with him in almost a month and for me to come out of the woodwork only to tell him to clean up his act wouldn't have flown to be sure.

At the time I had told the other girl, my mind wasn't exactly clear as I had been up for about 19 hours straight and had had 2 hours sleep the night before. I didn't when I would talk to her again before he came, so in my mind at the time, it seemed like I was doing the right thing. It definitely isn't an excuse, more like a reminder to myself that when making important decisions like the one I made should be made with a clear and rested mind.

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However, whatever comes of this will be at least one if not two womenfriends who will be hurt, confused likely and feeling betrayed because he *did* betray them.

I don't know if this helps any, sorry. It's a mess from any angle. But you didn't make it. He did. And telling him calmly but flat out that he was Wrong, might be a message he needs to hear.

Don't apologize, your words of wisdom have been most helpful.

If I come into contact with him again soon, I will be sure to tell him that I think what he was and has been doing is improper and also to point out that if the tables were turned, would he like it? I definitely think he needs to hear it.

Thank you again.

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Prayer was said, but like most, how to respond was the question, maybe too much of a description was submitted.

Jakub,

People who know me would say that I talk way too much!

I posted the request for prayer on the night that I had spoken with her. At the time I posted, I had been up for 22 hours straight on 2 hours of sleep the night before.

Once again, there are certain things that should be done with a clear head.

Prayers, Aaron. In retrospect, one always questions what one actually did and compares it with what s/he could've done, but by that point, it's out of your hands. Have faith; God has a way of seeing these things through one way or another--I've seen it.