Get Kids To Do The Things They Hate

Strange as it sounds - there are ways!

4-8year Olds

The good news about this age group is that they can usually understand what you’re asking them to do. The bad news is that they’ve learned to say ‘no’. Our mission is to find an in between route so that you win but they think it’s a compromise.

What your child can do at this age:

Fit the batteries into the remote control and other electrical apparatus* The great thing about having small children is that they have small hands which can get into places that bigger hands can’t – like that fiddly bit at the back of the remote control. Kids are also more technically wired up than we are so as well as fitting the batteries, they can also tell us how to work the remote control if we’re still at the manual stage. I know one parent who actually woke up one of his sleeping children to help him out with a DVD that he couldn’t operate. That’s going a bit far but, as he said, it made his son feel good about himself because he could do something his dad couldn’t.

*WARNING. Please make sure it is safe for them to do this.

Lay the table The trick about this one is that they learn to do it as a habit. Don’t just save it to impress your mother/sister/visitors and then feel embarrassed when the kids say they don’t know where the cutlery is kept. Teach them where to find things and make it routine for them to get the table ready before you eat.

Clear their own plate after a meal Again, schedule this into the general dos and don’ts of eating like not eating with your mouth open. Make sure they know where the bin is and try to get them to aim straight so you don’t have to do the floor again. Ideally, then get them to head for the dishwasher if you have one. And yes, to put the plate in and not on it…

Hang up their clothes Start now and you might just instill the habit. One of my friends colour codes her kids’ clothes on a hanging rail. Her children actually enjoy finding the right section to hang their clothes in. Top Tips: 1. Get or make novelty hangers so the kids want to use them 2. Make sure that wardrobes and drawers are within their reach. If they’re inaccessible, it’s too easy for them to say ‘I can’t do that’. Those slide-under-the-bed drawers are great for kids because they’re easy to pull in and out. Buy the kind that don’t require runners. 3. Put up low level clothes peg’s so they can hang up their own coats. Write their name on a wooden clothes peg so they can ‘peg’ together their Wellington boot

Put their clothes in the dirty linen binSounds obvious but make sure they know where it is. Make it part of their bath routine. When they get out, they put their discarded dirties in the right place. Don’t just bend down and do it yourself because it’s quicker or they’ll never learn. Teach younger children to tuck one sock into the other so they don’t go missing.

Load the dishwasher – and unload it too All right. This might be a bit tricky for a four year old but you can start off with plastic cups and cutlery that won’t hurt them. This does, however, require a bit of teaching first. Everyone has their own idea of how to put in plates and knives so train your kids up in your way of thinking. Top Tip: Don’t let them get away with it if they claim they didn’t load the dishwasher because they didn’t know if it was clean or dirty. Get them to open up and see which one it is. It’s not difficult.

Tidy their room You’re going to find this in all the age group sections because it’s an essential skill – right through to adulthood. Four to eight year olds are still, hopefully, a bit more biddable than teens so make the most of it. Buy brightly coloured plastic crates for them to store toys/CDs/other stuff in. Every few weeks, encourage them to have a purge and throw out/give away things they don’t want. Top Tips: 1.Get them to make labels like CDs/Musical toys/games to stick on the boxes 2.Be specific. Don’t just say ‘tidy your room’. Point out certain things which need to be put away such as clothes or toys. Alternatively, divide the room into sections and get them to tidy one at a time. 3.Don’t make them do it all at once or it will seem too daunting.

Take down the Christmas decorations and store them in boxes. Get them to write labels on the side.

Moving house? Help them get used to the idea by giving them a box and getting them to pack some of their own things. Again, label and even decorate the label.

Use a wipe on/wipe off board Or you could use a magnetic calendar to remind them what jobs they have agreed to. Reminding them to do something doesn’t mean they’re forgetful or naughty. It’s natural. As parents, we need to keep reminding them again and again.

Jobs outside the house:

Cleaning their bikes. Give them a sponge and an old washing up bowl. Show them how to get round the spokes.

Sweeping up leaves. Give them the right tools and show them where to put them. Use the opportunity to show them the different kind of trees.

Picking up apples from the ground. Sort out the baddies. Get them to help you cook an apple pie with the good ones, as an incentive. Get them to put the bad ones on the compost.

Picking flowers for the house. Get them to pick flowers for the table or guest room when you have visitors.

Cleaning out your car. Provide them with two old carrier bags. One for rubbish and another for things that belong inside the house. Check both afterwards to make sure they haven’t thrown important things away. TopTip: Encourage them to do this by allowing them to keep any small change they find.

How to get them to do it

Explain why it needs to be done If you don’t unload the dishwasher, we won’t have any clean cups next time you want a drink.

Praise and thank them when they do it If you don’t, why should they do it again?

Give them their own equipment Instead of the family dirty linen bin, give them a string bag and get them to put their own dirties in it.

Bribery By the age of five, it’s a good idea to start giving them pocket money so they learn the value of money. It’s also a great incentive for jobs round the house. Link the jobs with the pocket money. If they don’t do certain jobs, they don’t get the money. If they do, they get a bit extra. We’ll leave the details up to you, depending on your parenting style and budget.

Pocket money isn’t the only way to bribe them. Is there something they really want? If so, use that to their (and your) advantage. For example, if they want to redecorate their bedroom, they can choose a new duvet if they promise to keep their bedroom tidy for the rest of the school term. But they have to stick to their side of the bargain.

Non-financial incentives Draw up a list of privileges that they can earn if they do certain jobs. For example, if they lay the table, they don’t have to help load the dishwasher.

Make it into a game Who can lay one side of the table faster than the other?

Crack a few jokes I don’t know about you but I generally fail to see the funny side when my kids don’t listen. So recently, I’ve introduced a new rule: make a joke every day. However, as my kids say my jokes are pathetic, this doesn’t always work. Instead, I’ve resorted to a wry sense of humour which often comes out of my mouth before I’ve analysed it. The other day, my 14 year old tore into the house wearing very muddy trainers. “Take your feet off,” I yelled without thinking. He thought that was quite funny and now I use that instruction instead of the much more boring ‘Take off your shoes’.

Ask them in another language This is not, by any means, guaranteed to get the job done but it might be enough for them to turn round and say ‘Wot are you on, mum?’ Hopefully, younger children will be more impressed and it might even help their French or German. I often insert the odd French word so they get the rough idea. Try these phrases for size. ‘Will you get out of le lit?’ Or ‘Tidy your chambre, s’il vous plait.’

Star charts Put it on the wall and fill it in daily. Make a list of the jobs you want them to do and whether or not they’ve done them. Give them rewards at the end of the week. Use a wipe on/wipe off board or magnetic board to list chores they have agreed to do. It’s natural for children to need to be reminded about a job.

8 - 12yr olds

We’re getting into the almost-teens territory here. Which is why it’s even more important to get them into the habit of doing some work for their living. The trick is emotional intelligence. Get them to want to do those jobs – even if it’s for money.

Jobs they can do

Vacuum the carpet (not the cat) They could start off with vacuuming their own bedrooms and then move onto others. However, a few driving lessons might be necessary first or you could find them slicing off part of the woodwork in their enthusiasm or reluctance to do it properly. Some clever toy companies actually make mini vacuum cleaners. You can even purchase toy vacuum cleaners. However, it’s cheaper to buy them a dustpan and brush. In fact, their nimble little fingers are probably far better at getting into spaces you can’t reach.

Dust their bedroom This might sound a bit tough but if they don’t start now, they might not ever. Present them with a duster and, if they’re the kind of child who might abuse solvents, put some polish on it for them. Suggest they move objects round on their dressing tables or desks in the process.

Clean their own shoes Well, you didn’t get them dirty, did you? Make it easy for them with those packets of shoe shine polishes. Allocate one day of the week, like Sunday, for them to do it.

Match socks Isn’t it amazing how socks come apart in the wash? But now you’ve got your little helper to put it right. So the next time they say they’re bored, suggest a sock matching game. And when they’ve finished their own underwear drawer, they can do everyone else’s too.

Clean the car Not just the inside but the outside too. Get them togged up in clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty and wet. Provide them with a bowl of water or a hosepipe and leave them to it.

Make their own packed lunches Help them, if necessary by putting out the right ingredients.

Put the kettle on This is a bit of a grey area as you also need to warn them about boiling water. But they’ve got to start somewhere. And once they’ve got the hang of it, you can then teach them to make tea although we’d recommend you save this for the 10 year age group upwards. They’ll probably like this job as it will make them feel grown-up.

Other basic culinary skills Make toast. But do teach them basic safety rules first such as only toasting ready sliced bread in case they try to stick in bread that’s too thick. Never, ever try to get the toast out with a knife or they could get electrocuted. They could also learn to make their own school sandwiches although you might regret this in the early morning rush when they’re deliberating between peanut butter and jam, or both.

Change the ringer on your mobile phone Explain how to retrieve missed calls etc. In fact, they’ll love this job and we have to throw in the odd perk so they want to do some of the jobs they hate.

Change their bedlinen This might be a bit of a tough one at this age but you can start by getting them to replace their pillow cases. In the next age range, they can move on to duvets.

Amuse younger children When my eldest was this age, he was brilliant at this. In fact, I don’t think I could have managed without him. The great thing about older children being entertainers/substitute nannies, is that they don’t have to do much. They simply have to make silly faces or be cool or play the odd game. Younger kids normally think they’re so wonderful that they take it all in.

WARNING. Never leave a child of this age unattended with younger children for obvious reasons. If you’re in the house but not in the same room, keep a regular check on them.

Help carry the shopping Don’t assume it’s all too heavy. Give them a couple of things in a carrier bag. Encourage them to help you pack at the supermarket by giving them their own plastic bags to fill, and let them pack their favourite foods

Take visitors’ coats Preferably not to sell on eBay but to save them until going home time

Unload the dishwasher But teach them to avoid sharp knives etc. A trip to Casualty will only make you late for the next job

Sort out the rubbish And understand how the recycling bin works.

And don’t forget jobs for younger children which are still applicable to this age group.

How to sell it to them so they agree to do it

Start off with the basics.

Why they need to do it If they don’t change their pillow cases, their bed gets smelly.

Praise them for the things they do It will make them keener to do other jobs.

Give them their own equipment How about a pair of rubber gloves with their name on a clothes peg to keep them together? Or a pinny with his/her name on it?

Bribe But don’t give away money for small favours. The little-by-little approach makes them try hard more consistently. You can do this in different ways. Put a price tag on each job, for example making the bed every day gets 10 pence. Give them a set amount of pocket money every week but only if they do the list of jobs you’ve both agreed.

Allow them to change their room around Or give it a makeover. It might encourage them to keep it tidy, or at least sort out the rubbish before they change it.

Permit them to tidy out your briefcase And/or handbag in return for tidying up their own school bag. Agree they can keep loose change that they find, as payment.

Give them a choice of jobs This usually works best when it’s written down rather than agreed verbally. That way, they can see what they’ve agreed to do. A list is the obvious way to do this. But you could also try a ‘lucky dip’ jam jar filled with pieces of paper, each of which has a job on. Every day, every member of the family has to pull out a ‘job ticket’. They might loathe the job – or they might like it. That’s part of the fun.

Banking bonuses Sit down as a family and work out which jobs can be done by which members of the family. Write down a core list of important jobs under each individual’s name. These jobs ‘have’ to be done or else their salary (in other words, pocket money) doesn’t get paid. If extra jobs are done willingly on top of this, you agree to pay a bonus.

Crack better jokes Or you could say things in a funny voice. Try holding your nose and coming out with a squeaky command. They’ll think you’re mad but it might grab their attention for a few seconds. Use that time fast to connect their ears to their brains.

Jane Bidder

Author

Author of 'Tidy Your Room - Getting your kids to do the things they hate' - published by Whiteladder Press