I missed last week’s FF due to being really, really down as fuck, but I couldn’t miss it twice in a row, especially since I get to share with everyone one of my favorite things!

Skulls!

No really. I love skulls. They contain your brain! They’re creepy without being super gory! They’re awesome! Before moving to MN, I didn’t have any reason to really collect anything, because given how often I moved around, collectible anything was just more stuff that took room away from some more clothes or a toiletry or shoes.

But now that I’ve been here nearly five years this month, I’ve had the time to really get into something I’ve really like. And with my latent goth tastes, Halloween is my favorite time to shop for anything, and skulls are perfect (so are spiders, but my collection of those is rather small, and I know too many people with arachnophobia to show those pictures). I may be a little obsessed, because you see:

I wear them to bed!!

I wear them outside!

I wear them around my neck or in my hair!

I wear them on my ears and around my neck (again)!

And lastly, but not least-ly, my collection of skull shaped whatzits and whozits: Candles and tiny bottles and a cat collar and a vampire skull and some other stuff.

Once upon a time, when I was much younger, but still old enough to know better, I decided this was good idea.

Let me explain with two words:

I think I’ve already given away the surprise with this, but for those who haven’t seen this hilarious piece of social commentary by the genius Mel Brooks, a Western town gets a new sheriff, who happens to be black and hilarity ensues. For a movie that says “Nigger” a lot, I love it. It makes me giggle.

Some friends were remedying my lack of Mel Brooks that wasn’t Men in Tights, and we watched this one, and I was inspired by this infamous scene:

I made my Klan robes out of muslin and fabric glue (I was so fucking poor, you have no idea), and slapped on the “Have A Nice Day” with letter stickers. I thought this was gonna be funny; showing that the KKK is “just a joke” because racism is so funny now haha!

Did I mention I was such a Chill Black Girl, then? Holy crap, you guys, it was so bad.

Of course, I showed up at a friends house for our annual Halloween shindig, and the vastly white guests LOVED IT. It was hilarious. There’s pictures. I don’t have any of them. I got dares to walk to the door, or walk to the mailbox with the hood on for cash. The only other Black person at the party at that time refused to have anything to do with me until it came off.

Two other friends from Morehouse (a HBC) were approaching the door, and everyone was like “Put on your hood! Answer the door!” And of course I did.

And to this day, one of those poor gents loves bringing up how hard he and his buddy ran when I opened the door. They got me back by posing for pics of me with the hood, laying down while they pretended to kick my ass. Pics I also don’t have, sadly.

Finally, midnight came around and the poorly put together (the stickers were falling off) outfit was finally off. I could hug my offended friend, and mingle while not sweating to death (seriously, actual KKK members, how do you stand being in that fucking robe near a fire? I was in a house full of people and was swimming in my own sweat).

And to this day, it’s the one costume everyone remembers.

I’m not even sure what the reaction would have been if we had a larger social media presence, and one of these photos got posted everywhere. I can remember my friend’s discomfort more than the costume and I feel a bit of shame when it comes up.

Still not as awful as the recent slew of fucked up costumes white people came up with this years (again, I keep forgetting to save photos to show here, I suck at blogging), but awful.

Not a bad list, but I feel it’s missing something. And since I’m a helper, allow me to assist:

7. Say “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

If you’re at the store with said friend, say it loud. If friend is showing you the costume at home, say it loud. If they show up wearing it, say it loud every time you run into them while they’re wearing it.

Bonus help: “Accidentally” spill your drink on the costume. Now they have to change. How helpful of you! You’ve prevented personal embarrassment of being the friend of a complete toolbox.

For those new to Feminace and all of the weirdness therein, I posted a thing last year about racist Halloween costumes and how I wasn’t going to break it down how dressing as another culture is fucked up unless a motherfucker was willing to pay up.

You can find that here, and oh, by the way, my rates have gone up by $100. You know, inflation and broke bitch be broke. Fuck you, pay me.

Apparently, we have to add another type of costume to not do to the fucking list:

DON’T FUCKING DO THIS.

Do we even have to explain why?

Do we?

Apparently, according to the replies on the Facebook page where this pic is featured WE FUCKING DO.

“Wah, PC is gonna ruin Halloween!”

“You’re offended, no one cares!”

“Don’t be whiny, it’s just one night!!!!”

You’re right, jackasses on Facebook, it’s one fucking night. One night that you can possibly NOT be an asshole. One night you could not make someone who CAN’T take of the ‘costume’ uneasy. One night you can try some, I dunno, creativity in a fucking costume.

We who give a shit aren’t a problem, you are. You, with all the imagination of a fucking dead goldfish, who can’t bother to think beyond “hee hee, dis ill be funneh”, are the problem. You and your lack of empathy. You and you lazy, sorry, basic asses.

I could post links that could show you why this costume isn’t okay. I could post links about disowned, disenfranchised, discriminated, and dead trans women. But you don’t care. You just want your lazy yuks, you pieces of shit.

And the fact that Caitlyn Jenner ‘doesn’t mind’ this take on her coming out outfit doesn’t fucking matter. She’s not the only trans woman in the world, so don’t even try that excuse.

If you can’t put together two brain cells together to create a fucking costume for your “one night”, you can go buy something else. Halloween Superstore has thousands of different costumes. You could be anything else that won’t shit on a marginalized group of people that YOU. ARE. NOT.

But you don’t fucking care. So fuck you.

I hope someone throws a red solo cup of trash can punch on your fucking “Call Me Cait” white nightie. I hope someone snatches your “Indian headdress” and throws it in the trash. I hope you’re thrown out of the party when you show up in black/brown/yellow/redface and treated like a pariah. I hope the people around you are better than you and treat you like the unfunny piece of shit. I hope pictures of you show up all over the Internet, your boss (current or future) finds it, and fires (never hires) your ass.

Because when you replace “being PC” with “being respectful”, you look like a jerk.