Nobody wants to admit when they are in a sexual rut. It’s one thing when you are with your girlfriends and you complain about a guy you were with. His skills. His bad taste in positions. It’s about him.

But to sit among friends and discuss the fact that things have hit a plateau with the guy you are hot for is a different story. Because in that instance, you might actually be part of the fault. Maybe it’s not all him.

I know I don’t want to tell my friends that I might have gotten boring in the bedroom. Especially when they think I must be the queen of freaks. So before you spill your heart out, how about learning some simple ways to help end the rut. Then you can go back to bragging about how lucky you are.

One of the biggest things to kill a good sex life is the loss of spontaneity. When we get involved with someone we tend to get comfortable. Then we tend to get busy everywhere else. Sex becomes something we try to schedule and squeeze in. That’s the way it becomes a big snoozefest. Don’t wait until your typical Thursday night fun. Grab hold of him on Tuesday and show him that you can be a spur of the moment kind of gal. Make the moment count. But just because you read this doesn’t mean you should go and plan a spontaneous encounter. That would completely ruin the point.

Another way we tend to ruin our own sex lives is to stop trying. Back to that comfortable feeling. While it’s always good to be comfy with the one you love, once you get into that phase its hard to get out. Keep the sparks flying by making sure you still do the couple sort of things. Date each other. Send love notes. Sext during the workday. Always remember, you can lose what you already have.

Hire a sitter. Those of us with kids know the drain they can have on our own emotional well being, let alone our sex life. When you have to worry with all of the normal mothering duties, you can’t bother with going the extra mile as a wife or girlfriend. So hire someone to take the kids for the night and make it a regular thing. Gives you a breather and both of you time for extra things you never get. Just don’t use it to sleep longer.

Another big pitfall? We let ourselves go. We are so happy that we can finally sit in sweats and no makeup that we take it a bit too far. Our guys don’t mind us feeling relaxed and comfy. But they want to see us look sexy sometimes as well. Want to end the rut? Put on something unexpected and wow him with the memory of just how hot he thinks you are.

Take sexy pictures and send to him at a random time. Maybe when you know he’s on the train commuting. Or right before he dozes off to sleep on a night he’s not with you. Guarantee he will wake up quickly for something like that.

Be adventurous. Tell your man you’d like to do something different. Play a couples game. Try a new fantasy. Go on a short vacation somewhere. It doesn’t take much. New and exciting breeds new and exciting.

Role play. I know that sounds crazy to some of the more conservative readers, but it’s a great idea. You don’t have to go into the BDSM and bondage thing. But create a scenario that excites you both and give it a try. It’s almost like being with a new person.

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