I missed you.

I've found myself. So, forgive me for trying to soak it up a bit.

I've spent so many hours in the last few months "looking" for me -- the real
me. I've long felt that he had been lost somewhere. Perhaps he was lost in
the politics and bullshit of trying to build a fledgling fire department.
Lost in the confusion that is my love life. Lost in the many emotions stemming
from the hurricanes that have hit my beloved Louisiana. Lost in time between
the memories I cherish and the world in which it seems hard to make new ones.

But tonight, for the first time in so very long, I've found him.

He lies within good jazz, cold beer and the reflections of candles on walls
that deserve art. And for the first time in just as long, I'm happy. This
is a wonderful feeling. Better even than the time spent with those that love
me in a romantic way... Because in finding myself, there is no confusion.
There is no conflict. There is just rejoicing.

There is a reason that I stay up until the wee hours of the morning. Somewhere
along the way, I got bogged down in the details of life and forgot what that
reason was. The reason is to write... To create... To feel strong emotion
for the life we're all blessed to have. I am most certainly not a night owl
for the infomercials. How is it possible that I lost sight of that?

In the pit of confusion that was the year 2000, writing was my only solace.
It gave me direction. Through the creation of an online journal, I found
sanity. I used to bask in the glow of those sane moments... until I somehow
managed to lose them. Tonight, and perhaps only tonight, I've gotten
it all back. And although I must be at work in less than six hours, I want
nothing more than to hold on to how I feel at this exact moment.