The problem with political jokes it that they get elected - Henery Cate

My choice early in life was between whether to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.- Harry S. Truman

- Abraham Lincoln, on the accusation that he was two-faced:“If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?”

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.- Edward Langley, Artist

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day.- Molly Ivins, on a Texas politician

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.- Winston Churchill

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.- Simon Cameron

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.- Charles de Gaulle

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.- Napoleon Bonaparte

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.- Doug Larson

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.- Oscar Ameringer

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.- Bob Edwards

There are two things that are important in politics. The first is money, and I can’t remember the second.- Mark Hanna

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.- Groucho Marx

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.- Plato

98 percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working Americans. It’s the other lousy 2 percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.- Lily Tomlin

How come all those righteous politicians who claim to be following the Big Guy Upstairs end up getting caught following the little guy downstairs?- Steve Bhaerman

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate.- Charles de Gaulle

Running for president is like sticking your face in the blade of a fan.- Mike Huckabee

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.- Pericles (430 B.C.)

I don't think we should go to the moon...I think we maybe should send some politicians up there.- Ron Paul

All politicians should have three hats - one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected.- Carl Sandburg

It is fast approaching the point where I don’t want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.- Erma Bombeck

Politics is not the art of the possible. It’s the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.- John Kenneth Galbraith

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.- George Bernard Shaw

All of the problems we face today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indians.- Pat Paulsen

Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.- Unknown Author

Politics is show business for ugly people.- Paul Begala

I offer my opponents a bargain. If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.- Adlai Stevenson

Politicians are like diapers. They both need to be changed often. And for the same reason.- Tom Blair

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.- Tom Lehrer