Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Boy, it sure is inconvenient to run around that track. And those parallel bars? Who the hell even knows how those things work? So the folks at the New Design School on the lower east side have worked out a better idea. Have the kids sell popcorn at a film festival!

After all, when you sell popcorn, it's not the same as when you eat popcorn. Therefore you won't be gaining calories. You'll be gaining money for the school. Or for the festival. Or for someone.

And really, if kids are making money for someone, who really cares whether or not they're getting fit, or learning anything. Since much of the all-important "reforms" revolve around degrading one of the few great jobs left in these United States, why not simply prepare kids for a life of servitude completing menial tasks that enrich others?

Because isn't that what education is really about here in Mayor Bloomberg's New York?

As an added bonus for those of you who wish to follow the New Design School regimen, here are a few tips from classic exercise guru Johny LaRue to get you started:

Boy, it sure is inconvenient to run around that track. And those parallel bars? Who the hell even knows how those things work? So the folks at the New Design School on the lower east side have worked out a better idea. Have the kids sell popcorn at a film festival!

After all, when you sell popcorn, it's not the same as when you eat popcorn. Therefore you won't be gaining calories. You'll be gaining money for the school. Or for the festival. Or for someone.

And really, if kids are making money for someone, who really cares whether or not they're getting fit, or learning anything. Since much of the all-important "reforms" revolve around degrading one of the few great jobs left in these United States, why not simply prepare kids for a life of servitude completing menial tasks that enrich others?

Because isn't that what education is really about here in Mayor Bloomberg's New York?

As an added bonus for those of you who wish to follow the New Design School regimen, here are a few tips from classic exercise guru Johny LaRue to get you started:

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Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.