Pages

April 18, 2013

Philomena

Philomena, became Sr Barthalomea

P – is for Philomena, my eldest sister, who joined the
convent at a very early age, while I was
still in primary school and died of jaundice at the age of 26.This was first time I saw a death in our
family, as a child.

It was a great loss and a very
difficult phase for my parents, who could not get over their sorrow of losing
their daughter for years. I grew up watching both of them crying silently for
my sister, who was no more, they tried to see her in every nun whom they met in
the church or even on the road side, they entertained the sisters and coped
with the loss, believing that she was found in every religious who came their
way.

I saw my parents visiting her
graveyard, and reading all the letters which she wrote to the family when she
was in the convent. My mother preserved her clothes, her bible, and her letters
that was written in Tamil till she recently passed away.

My parents were fond of Philomena
as she was full of life, very responsible and mature for her age, being the second
child among 9 children, she was more a companion to my mother, for she helped
her in all the household work, and made sure that all her siblings did well in
the school.

Philomena with her Friend

Philomena loved watching movies
every week. She would accompany my dad for the movies. She was very particular
about the home expenses and maintained the accounts very well. She always
questioned my dad about the additional expenses and how he managed.

My parents never thought that she
would join the convent, when she expressed her desired to join the convent and
serve God. My parents could not understand, as she was so attached to family
and would never miss a movie with my dad. My dad could not believe, and he
wondered whether she will survive in the convent, with their strict rules and
regulations.

My parents being God fearing did
not object, as they felt that, this was a privilege to offer one child in
service to God among the nine children. My dad could never understand her, he
even questioned as to how she would live in the convent without watching movies
and doing what she wants, as he knew that convent life was very tough. But she
was very firm and full of confidence that she was called to serve.

Those days the convent life was very tough, she adjusted very well, while she was in the novitiate. She was named after one of the founders of the
Sisters of Charity called Sr Bartholomew. Philomena was known for her simplicity
and very friendly nature, she was committed to her call, and she was sent for
Montessori training, and later on she taught in one of the schools in the city.
My parents used to try to visit her in the city, but she used to be very
frightened, and tell the family, that they should not come to visit her often,
as it will disturb the other members in the community.

My parents would request her to
at least come for a day on Christmas or New Year.The rules being too rigid, the sisters were not
permitted to visit their families, except on important occasions, they were
given permission for few hours to visit and get back to the convent.

My mom,Philomena and my brothers-Raj & Francis

She was in the convent upto the
age of 26. She suffered from jaundice
and was on treatment for many months, the sisters were taking care, trying to
help her with different types of medicine. My parents were in a helpless condition
because she was in the convent, they could not do much for her, and they came
to know about her sickness, when it was very late, finally when my mother went
to see her, she was shocked to see my sister very sick, frightened and depressed.
My mother decided to take permission to take charge of her and hospitalize her for
treatment, where my cousin was a nurse.

Sr Bartholomew was hospitalized for
almost 6 months and was given allopathic treatment, there was no change, and it
was a shock to my parents and also to us. She suffered long and finally, when she knew
that her time had come, she called every brother and every sister in the family
and made us sing songs for her.

When I sang a Telugu religious
song, she wept and was full of appreciation, she kept praising about me to my
mom. That very night she died at the age of 26 and my grand mother was
shattered to see her go. My parents were heart broken, and could never forget
her till the end of their life.

For me it was the first
experience of losing one member in our family, and I was 11 years old and
still have memories of how she was buried. I could never sing the song that I
sang for her for many years in my life, as it brought a lot of pain and I used
to get choked, now after so many years, the same song came to my mind, and this
time, I dared to sing the song, and let the tears flow ….

"Tears have
a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go
and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional
wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery". ---
F. Alexander Magoun

"I still miss those I loved who are no
longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude
has finally conquered the loss. --- Rita Mae Brown"

17 comments:

Very true Suzy, I was too small to express my grief, probably what I experienced around me was too much to bear, now that I have married and have my own kids, I understand my mom's grief, and its been a long time, since I had spoken to any body about her, all my feelings have been locked up inside, now it has come out, the hurt is still there, but there also gratitude ! Thanks for your comments

Even after all these years, I can see that the hurt and the pain have not left you. They are clearly visible in the writing. So is the love and affection that you had for her and your sorrow at losing her at such a young age. Thank you for sharing your sister's story with us.

you are right Cynthia, in many ways, I could not really accept my sister's death at a very young age, I still feel deep within myself a void, a loss that I could not really have her in my life ! now its years, but I still miss and now i am beginning to accept with gratitude ! for the time she was with us.. Thanks for your comments !

Thank you for sharing my grief, I feel a lot lighter for having spoken something, which I have not been able to do for so many years. She died in 1973 and I am talking about it in 2013, thanks for your affirmation !

Dear Janet: I am very deeply touched and emotional the way you recorded minutely every incidence in your tender mind. None in the family is endowed with this capacity to sensitize this tragedy of very intense proportion. I missed the elegy you sang for my late sister. Dear Lord, my Rev sister Bartholomew is a great soul in your sight. May her soul rest in peace RIP. Thank you Janet. affectionatelyBro.

Thanks for your comments brother !the song was a telugu devotional one which I learnt in the school, it was a beautiful song, and I loved to sing - when she heard it, she was in tears, calling mummy, and telling her, how beautifully she sings ma... where did she learn to sing from.. I was speechless .. could not understand what was happening around me, and the very next day, we got the news she is no more ... I too pray that her soul rest in peace !

Recent Comments

About Me

I am Genevive Angela, journeying with gratitude, evolving myself and finding my purpose of existence here on earth. ... am grateful for everything that happens in my life and I live a life of gratitude :)