Imagine you just won the lottery. It was a total shock, and you're just thrilled with the unexpected windfall. (That's "Miss Congeniality.") Now further imagine that after winning the lottery, you decided to act like someone else, alienate everyone who liked you, and basically behave like an insufferably pompous asshole. (That's "Miss Congeniality 2.")

To the producers of unendurable garbage like Legally Blonde 2, Bad Boys 2 and, yes, Miss Congeniality 2 I say this: quit while you're ahead, fellas. Sure, most of us were pleasantly surprised by how those first movies turned out, but then you had to go ahead and pour vomit all over those good vibes by producting sequels so soulless and flimsy that they just boggle the mind.

Not only is Miss Congeniality 2 the worst sort of no-thought, auto-pilot sequel there is, but it goes the extra mile by actually spoiling some of what made the original flick so unexpectedly charming. As the sequel opens we learn that the love interest from Part 1 .. the one that helped to tie everything up in a sweet little bow of a happy ending? Yeah, he dumps our heroine over the phone. Nice, eh? Oh, and all the lessons learned in the first flick don't apply here. A character who spent one movie sweet and insecure spends the sequel being smug and hateful. Exactly who was this sequel made for? I mean, aside from Sandra Bullock, of course.

Which leads us to another problem. It's pretty clear that, although she's quite charming on occasion, leading lady Sandra Bullock doesn't exactly have a huge supply of weapons in her Acting Arsenal. The sequel tries to let Sandy assume numerous costumes and whatnot, as if she's Dana Carvey in The Master of Disguise. (Not a movie you want to remind people of.) None of it works.

I'd gladly delve into a traditional plot synopsis for you, but the whole thing is just too moronic to detail. There's a scandal and a kidnapping and a whole lot of disrespect for logical authority figures. Toss in a handful of girl-on-girl fistfights, tons of aimless wandering, yet another look at the oh-so-hilarious drag queen circuit, and a finale involving a giant boat inside of a casino.

There's not one stray thread of wit or logic or even a simple respect for the art of simplistic storytelling. This sequel is nothing more than warmed-up leftovers, a boring and malformed vehicle for an (admittedly very likable) actress who simply can't find anything better to do in Hollywood. And by "better" what I really mean is "potentially profitable."