Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Redskins Name Change That Just Makes Sense

Before quarterback Rex Grossman left the Washington Redskins, the most apt new name for the club was obvious—the Washington Rex-slings.

Not only would that moniker have eased over the tongue like chili from Ben's, but would've born culture relevance, and dare I say, gravitas. The old silhouetted logo might have been adapted to Rex’s face too, his crew cut neatly replacing the current feathers atop it. Equally as important, the old school ‘R’ would have stayed put as a result. It was just a win-win for Washington's marketing department and Hog fans alike.

But unfortunately Rexy is in Cleveland now, where his slingshots will soon send third-string vapor trails across the Ohio sky. You want to talk about LeBron James’ contribution to the state’s economy: how about the extra air traffic personnel needed at Hopkins International to track Rex-fueled spirals? You can’t rely on one guy downing venti-sized Americanos for that. No, you need a team. This is the sort of job creation the Rex brand delivers folks.

Well, as wonderful as it all would have been, this can’t happen until Mr Grossman goes back to Washington. And cursory visits, like his most recent preseason pine warming, just aren't enough. We need him in the burgundy and gold to make this all a reality.

So until then, there are several other name suggestions that might satisfy picketers. Firstly, I’m not against RedHawks, but it’s not quite right is it? It would require a drastic logo change, and while many people want a clean break from Washington’s footballing past, there’s no need to transform the entire image is there? For this reason, I’m higher on RedFeathers. There’s something dignified about it. And it rolls—not quite like Rexslings—but it still drops from your lips in a tight end-over-end fashion. It’d also work with all existing logos.

The other name suggestion worth consideration is Braves, mostly because it was the team's original name back in 1932, but also has better brand implications than the current nickname. Club insiders could appease owner Dan Snyder with this one as well, by noting the courage needed to make the switch, especially after he has long resisted. They could draw up pie charts and powerpoint graphs that show how the move could reshape his reputation, raising it from Richard Nixon territory to Theismann and Duke Ellington company.

Still, I know what you’re thinking. You can’t get Rexslings out of your head, right? Me neither. There’s still time America. There's still time.