So I have seen a few different signs like these around & I decided to buy this one to put in the kids room.I doubt very much that they will take any notice of it,nor will they do any of the things listed but you know it's worth a try & all that crap...It also got me thinking about all the other things I say regularly that should be added to the bottom of this sign,things like..

Leave your penis alone

Do not jump on the lounge,bed,your brother

Yes that is a big skid mark

Do not eat off the floor

Get the toothbrush out of your underpants

No douche bag is not spelt doosh bag

Stop choking your brother

Do not growl at old ladies

You are not a dog,do not poo in the backyard

Your penis is not a light saber

Do not sniff other people's bottoms

Do not talk to strangers about your ball sack

No that is not a mouse in mummy's bottom

Do not eat with your feet

Your undies are not a hat

No you can't marry mummy/daddy/your brother/sister

Stop touching Aunty Carly's boobsThese are just a few things that spring to mind,do you have anything you might like to add?? Go on...

It's been far to long since we've had a "fuck you Friday" post,so here it is proudly brought to you a massive dose of PMS & a growing dislike of wanky hipsters...The story starts on a very wet Saturday morning as I'm on my way to the local Ag show to help out.Cruising on the highway doing the speed limit,I am suddenly overtaken on a blind hill by an ageing loser in a shitbox old celica,dangerous? Yes! Unnessary? Yes! Frustrating? Why yes! Alas there was nothing I could do or say to that selfish driver that he could hear but I did not let that stop me...as you can imagine!I approach our bustling main shopping drag (that is on the hwy as well) & see a youngish hipster dude,with a very shiny,healthy looking bob haircut alighting from his car that he has just parked...HALF HANGING OUT ON THE HWY....that is when my brain snapped!I stopped my car beeped my horn & when he looked at me I made the international hand signs at him for WTF?He flicked his mane of lucious hair & continued on his way,I shot him eye bullets & proceeded on my errands,into the supermarket I stroll & there he is across the fruit & veg bunk gathering his produce,it was like slow motion,I had no control of myself as I yelled at him "your pathetic!" I knew better than to hang around & headed to the sugar isle to get my goodies.It was as I was on my knees trying to wrestle two three kilo sugar bags from the bottom shelf when a pair of environmentally friendly slip ons stopped in front of me & a decidedly not so macho voice said to me "do you have a problem with me?"Uh oh...brain snap number two,lifted me to my feet faster than I have ever travelled before & I word vomited all over his lovely button up hemp shirt!"I do not have a problem with you but I do have a problem with how you parked your car on the hwy,why would you do that? Why make it harder for other people to drive,it's just selfish" I practically hissed at him,his reply was "I only needed lemons(like I give a fuck!) & if you hit my car,that's your fault!" I then word vomited again with things like "if you can't park in the lines move to the next spot & try again & perhaps you should pop your L plates on so we are aware your just learning,selfish,it's just selfish" I then turned my heel & flounced off the the checkout,where I was pleased to see him eyes to the floor waiting behind me in the line,I made sure to be extra nice to the lass serving me,just to make sure those rumors of my Jekyll & Hyde personality have some basis on truth,got to the show & headed straight to the beer tent...

Have you had a public brain snap lately? Care to share? Of course you do...j9 ;)Please excuse spelling & structure I'm writing this at school pick up,on my phone :)

Hey all,Sorry it's been so long between posts but as you know I am inconsistent if nothing else! Now today I want to discuss mums & school,well more to the point those mums you walk past everyday during drop off & pick up,that never ever acknowledge you exist,the ones that just look straight through you as if by some miracle you actually got your secret super power wish to be invisible!Now don't get me wrong I have no desire to befriend these women but I do think that in a small community at a lovely school,a "Hi,how are you?" is not such a hard thing to push out of your pie hole,especially for setting a great example for your kids on being friendly! Even a tight smile would suffice but NO not these ladies they have perfected the "stare off into the distance look with their shield of steel body language" as they walk past day in day out...Well I'm making it my mission this year to say hello to these ladies everytime I see them,until such times they cannot stand it any longer & either change schools or say Hi back!Although there is one mum I am avoiding after she yelled at me while I was putting petrol in my car that I had "taken her spot" I smiled,waved & told her "I would be really quick"(which I was because to be honest she was quite scary) so her & the talk,talk,talk mums are off the list!Have you encountered any strange mums in the playground?Just to update everyone I now have one child in uni,one in senior high school,two in infants & one little munchkin still home!Let me know what your experiences of playground mums is like...P.s I have noticed a lot of these women drive Prado's,coincidence or not?J9

Awkward marriage moment this week,was when I asked Mr Fixit if he could grab me a singlet top at Kmart when he was popping in,easy enough right? Even gave him my size...Sure enough being the good man he is,he bought me home a top that he picked,awkward moment...it was a size 18! Way to make the wifey feel like a sexy bitch honey!Got an awkward marriage moment you wanna share? Go on I dare you...;)

Hey people's!A quick note to wish everyone a very merry,safe Christmas.May all your wishes come true,if not we'll see you back her next year...:)Sincerely though, thank you for all taking the time to read my ramblings, I really appreciate it & hope to entertain & engage us all well into the future!Hit me up with what you'd like to hear me crap on about! Big love j9 & "were all madd here" xx

I've been waiting for this post to be ready to come to life,it's been a few months of gut wrenching heartache,loneliness,insomnia,isolation,it's been really really hard...it still is.Mr 16 decided a few months ago that he wanted to live with his dad full-time.Now don't get me wrong from the moment his father & I decided when he was 4 to go our seperate ways,this was something I knew would happen at some point. Then it happened...& it floored me.I cannot properly articulate the ways in which this has made me feel,the sadness it sweeps in like a fog & envelopes me,the powerlessness,this was his choice to make,he is 16 I must respect him & his decisions,the loneliness,I know I am not the only parent to go through this but I sure feel like it,the shame,I feel like I failed him,why else would he want to leave,the selfishness,this is not about me it's about him & what's best for him.A few months in he seems to be going really well.I don't see a lot of him but I text him regularly (16yr old boys don't seem to phone chat like girls do)I tread lightly with him,I don't want to push him further away by being all crazy needy but I always let him know I miss him.When I do see him I hold my tears untill he leaves,he doesn't need me guilt trippin him.I miss his jokes & his cooking,I am also starting to realise he was the only one in the house that really listened to anything I said...His little sister misses him a lot & that breaks me everytime,it's like he died but he didn't because we see him & it's heart shattering all over again...I don't know if & when it will get better,will it ever? I do know the lessons that are to be learned from this are long,hard,very painful & bloody heart breaking....Anyone got any words of wisdom? I sure could use some...j9

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im as confused as you are,why are we both here? anyways nice to meet you,feel free to hang/snoop around & by all means comment,contribute,follow,or don't we've all got a story to tell this is mine....j9