Dear Doctor Who assistants…

August 30, 2014

3 minute read

As a massive Doctor Who fan, no one was more excited than me when the new series started last weekend. Seeing a new Doctor taking control of the TARDIS with Clara by his side made Saturdays the best day of the week again.

We might have a new Doctor to go on adventures with, but one thing that will (hopefully) never change is the fact he always has a faithful companion by his side. But with the sad news that Clara will be departing the TARDIS at Christmas, I thought I’d write a guide for the next assistant, just so they’re fully prepared.

Buy some decent running shoes

First and foremost, if you’re going to be a Doctor’s assistant, you’re going to need to invest in some decent trainers. High heels or badly fitting shoes that are falling apart just aren’t suitable for the TARDIS, you need your footwear to help you not only run, but run fast.

If you can colour co-ordinate your footwear with the Doctor’s outfit, even better.

Don’t be scared to use your initiative

The Doctor isn’t always right (despite what he may think) and sometimes his intelligence means he doesn’t always see the right plan of action straight away.

So if you find yourselves in a spot of bother, always try and use your own initiative to get out of it. He may think he knows best, but don’t let the Doctor lead the way in every situation. Use your own mind and who knows, you could end up saving his life.

Never fall in love with the Doctor

Too many assistants have made this mistake, and they’ve all ended up heartbroken and back home. Yes we know the Doctor tends to be a sexy so and so, and we aren’t just talking about the dashing good looks of the younger Doctors. After all, he’s mysterious, dangerous, the ultimate bad boy but with a vulnerable side that the typical bad boys don’t have, plus he’s got two hearts so he’s capable of double the love right? Wrong.

Like many people, he might flirt with you in order to make himself feel younger, but don’t let this fool you into thinking he loves you. Unless you’re Rose Tyler, you will never have the Doctor’s hearts.

And if that doesn’t put you off him, just think about the fact the Doctor is actually hundreds of years old. You really don’t want to snog that do you?. Gross.

Research Daleks and Cybermen

Every assistant will battle different monsters and general villains across time and space, but some of the baddies just don’t know when to stop chasing the Doctor and admit defeat.

I’m of course referring to the Cybermen and Daleks. These bad boys will always find a way of turning up so make sure you know everything about them as it’ll save you (and everyone else watching) time later on. Even if the Doctor said he destroyed them last week, chances are they’ll come back shouting “Exterminate”, “Eliminate” or “DOOCCTTTOOORR”. Danger will follow you like this a lot, so you should probably get used to it.

Make sure you like change

If you’re one of those people who like things to stay the same, you might not want to take this job.

It’s not just your location that will be changing everyday, but your travelling companion might change their face overnight too. Whether your Doctor is wrapped up in a long scarf that reaches the floor, wearing red converses or a bow-tie and looking all raggedy, don’t get used to his appearance, or even his personality, because it can disappear in a few regenatory seconds.

Basically you need to expect the unexpected at all times.

Don’t be a judgemental traveller

Not every alien you meet will be trying to remove you from existence. After all, you’re travelling with an alien who wants to show you everything in this galaxy and further!

So whatever you do, don’t be a judgemental traveller. Shake hands with lizard people, don’t stare at an alien’s six pairs of eyes, don’t mock their futuristic clothing (that’s if they are wearing clothes at all), and just generally be open-minded. After all, you’re probably the most ridiculous looking thing they’ve ever seen too.

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