A few years back, Frog had an idea. He asked me if I would play a character called, Bunnay. Bunnay would be a flamboyant European person, (man or woman was unclear), burned out 80’s diva whose claim to fame would be her uncompromising insane tirades and an absurd contract rider that if breached in any way, could cause cancellation of the show.

Bunnay was also a band. There is Bunnay, Dog (a mysterious character dressed up in a giant bunny outfit), and later an exotic beautiful dancer named KittyKat, who wore bunny ears. This trio would take to the stage and, “Rock”. Bunnay would pose, sometimes for several minutes at a time before crudely barking out the song title, as lyric, one time only. Dog would play a ‘keytar’, which is a guitar-shaped keyboard. Of course, he wouldn’t really be playing it. Frog would have everything pre-recorded and playing karaoke style on a CD disk.

KittyKat would dance in a sexy way around Bunnay as he/she/it posed, and she would also hand out Skittles candy to the audience. There would be copious amounts of stage fog, enough to where not much of any of this could be seen by the audience. Bunnay, if enraged, might pee on the audience or into the air conditioning system. In short, Karaoke.

I said I would do it.

Now, to prepare for this character, we needed a good 80’s wig—something crude, sexy, and dirty. Turns out Frog had one lying around the bowels of his multi-cluttered house. Thankfully, it did not have lice, but it did itch and cause my allergies to flare up. We decided Bunnay would only drink Seagrams Extra Dry Gin, straight out of the bottle. There had to be Skittles, Bunnay’s favorite candy. This was all made clear on the contract rider. I rehearsed sexy posing for hours and hours, looking for the most vulgar stances which I could maintain for inordinate lengths of time.

Where ever Bunnay would perform, she would hate the venue, hate the audience, hate the organizers-- nothing would be good enough for Bunnay. And precisely this in-your-face fuck you attitude is what would ironically propel Bunnay’s fame. They would love her because they hated her. This is the fiction we wrote. This is what we brought from fantasy into reality. And people would believe it and champion it until, what they knew to be a lie but believed to be real, became something real they then had to deny as a lie so as not to look like complete and utter fools. The Bunnay incident would send he/she/it into exile, back from whence he/she/it came from, back to the world of Frog, back to the place the aliens told me about; the place called, E.T.I.A.L.

I wore a pair of ripped black stockings, boots, a studded belt, outlandish whore makeup with badly drawn dick sucker lips, and marked my body with arrows pointing to my cock, arcane symbols, and across my chest above the arrow; ‘HELL HERE!’ Meanwhile, Frog had composed a set of music, enough for an album or a live concert. He had the rhythms, 80’s keyboard sounds, and grinding tones all put together. We collaborated on the names for the songs:

Bunnay formed in 1984 in Amsterdam and had their debut performance at Club 977 on October 15th.

Their front man, (or some would swear-- front woman) is known as, Bunnay. The more musical member of the group is a giant rabbit named, “Dog”.

At first, many fans were put off by Bunnay’s brash commentary on how “... shitty Amsterdam is, and how ‘beneath me’ Club 977 is. I pee on it!” As for talent, it appeared that Bunnay didn’t really sing any songs. Rather, he/she/it simply barked out the title of the song after several minutes of vulgar posing and preening.

Often, “Dog”, plays an exceptionally brilliant note which causes him to gently bounce and bend in rhythm and spontaneously raise his arms in triumph. But that would be the extent of his showmanship.

After a year of playing the Amsterdam circuit and being banned from most of the venues for insulting management and causing uprisings, Bunnay faded from the scene for three years and were virtually nowhere to be found. During this period of inactivity, there was a groundswell of support for the bizarre pair and letter campaigns from thousands of fans brought the band back to the forefront of the 80’s music explosion and helped to bring their first official album, “Bunnay Sings”, to the top 10 on Billboard’s European charts.

With money and fame, the group became even more reclusive and strange, including several instances where Bunnay refused to perform. One notable occasion occurred in Greece in Disco 69 where Bunnay’s tirade about the temperature of the club resulted in Bunnay peeing into the air-conditioning filter which disabled the unit for several days. Requests for interviews were rarely accepted, and when they were, Bunnay would refuse to speak without an interpreter, and “Dog” never spoke anyway. Most of what the interpreter translated from Bunnay’s rants were vile insults to the interviewer and their parent publication. Ironically, this behavior kept the band in the spotlight and delighted their legion of fans.

Six albums later, Bunnay reached America and began to perform in specially selected smaller venues throughout the country.

Please note the following requirements for the live performance of Bunnay. These requirements must be strictly adhered to without fail to secure Bunnay’s performance. Bunnay retains the right to cancel or adjust its performance if any of these requirements are not met with satisfaction.

Thank you and we look forward to a successful engagement.

Sincerely,

Esley TardensonManagement / Bunnay

OFFICIAL BUNNAY CONTRACT RIDER

This Contract shall be legal and binding

I, the officer of _____________________________ venue, hereby swear to uphold the following contractual obligations to secure the live performance of Bunnay.

1.One large bag of Skittles Bite-Sized Candy must be available to Bunnay one hour prior to the scheduled performance.

2.One bag of shaved ice or Bite-Sized ice must be available to Bunnay one hour prior to the scheduled performance. The ice must not be block ice or shaved ice. If there is not ice, or the ice is not shaved or in Bite-Sized pieces, the performance of Bunnay shall be null and void.

3.One pint-sized bottle of Seagrams Extra Dry Gin must be available to Bunnay one hour prior to the scheduled performance. The bottle must be unopened and may not be tampered with.

4.The temperature of the venue (club) must be exactly 78 degrees. Bunnay reserves the right of refusal to perform if it is unsatisfied with the temperature of the venue.

5.There must be no interference with the fog machine. Stage Fog is an integral part of the performance. There must be enough Stage Fog to reduce visibility of Bunnay to the audience to 30% or less.

6.There must be security and safeguards to prevent anyone from touching or coming into contact with Bunnay. Bunnay prefers not to be touched by any man or woman. If Bunnay chooses to touch an audience member, that control shall reside exclusively with Bunnay.

7.Bunnay must have a safe and secure dressing room or reserved area so it can dress and apply makeup.

8.Bunnay’s arrival in a white limousine must be announced by any master of ceremonies. If Bunnay’s arrival in a white limousine is not announced, Bunnay reserves the right to refuse the performance.

9.Bunnay may urinate during the performance. As Bunnay has diplomatic immunity from most American laws, Bunnay should not be molested, jostled, or arrested should an act of urination occur in or on the venue.

10.It must be made clear in advertisements and during the performance that Bunnay is the headlining feature act. Any suggestions to the contrary in print advertising or during the performance by the master of ceremonies shall null and void the performance.

11.Bunnay’s dancer is not to be molested or tugged upon. If she is tugged upon or molested, Bunnay reserves the right to void the contract and cancel the performance.

12.Dog’s ears are not to be tugged upon. If Dog’s ears are tugged upon at any time during the event, Bunnay reserves the right to void the contract and refuse to perform.

13.This performance requires the use of incense. Bunnay is a multi-media artist and the olfactory experience is a major component of the show. The use of incense must be allowed by the venue, or Bunnay will cancel the performance.

In this guise, we played a number of successful shows in Gainesville, Florida. Most of the shows were arranged through an organization called Electronic SubSouth, which brought noise/performance-art/computer-oriented ‘intelligent’ music to town.

There were costumed freaks, lots of boop-beep-boop Electronica, Grunge Punk-- it was a perfect world for Bunnay to exist in. As Bunnay’s following built, (Bunnay’s REAL following), we pushed the story and lore of Bunnay. It berated the crowd just as we had written. It peed in and on the venues. We championed calling Bunnay, ‘it’.

After two years of shows, each bringing a truth to the fictional legend Frog and I had composed, it was time for a big BLOW OUT! A dramatic incident had been planned to make our character truly real. There was always the very real possibility that if any little violation of the contract occurred at any Bunnay event, Bunnay may refuse to perform.

It was the ESS Halloween Show. People were coming from all over Florida to see the event, and there was hype. Even performers in the other bands who had only heard the tales but never seen Bunnay in the flesh were anticipating a good deal of greatness.

Bunnay did not disappoint. Or better said, Bunnay thoroughly disappointed.

On that Halloween night, Bunnay arrived in style in a white limousine and her entourage parked outside The Backstage Lounge. She/he/it was provided Skittles Bite-Sized Candy, Ice (which was specially shaved by hand), Seagram’s Extra Dry Gin, 70% Stage Fog, Incense, and a perfect 78 degrees. Everything appeared perfect for a kick-ass Bunnay show. But something had gone wrong. As Bunnay’s white limousine circled the venue before parking, Bunnay noticed on the marquee that its name did not appear. Instead, the marquee said, ‘ESS SHOW TONIGHT’ or something of the like.

Bunnay was, for lack of a better word, PISSED!

Bunnay refused to emerge from the white limousine.

The organizers, realizing that the fictional Bunnay was going to live up to its reputation and not perform, suddenly stopped believing in Bunnay and started believing Tom Miller and Frog were going to wreck their show.

The capacity crowd inside The Backstage Lounge, egged on by Master of Ceremonies, Mister Spagandy -- another mask-wearing fictional character whose back-story is that he hates electronic music but hosts the shows anyway while berating the electronic genre publicly to the faces of the bands, also a personal friend who happened to be in on our gag-- encouraged the crowd to go outside to the white limousine to protest and demand Bunnay to perform.

The crowd emerged and surrounded the white limousine, banging on the roof, shouting in unison, “Bunnay! Bunnay! Bunnay!” They began to violently rock the vehicle back and forth as Bunnay screamed insults and exposed itself.

“Faaak you! I no perform! You don’t put Bunnay on the marquee, you don’t get no BuNAAAAAAAAY!” It shrieked.

Instead, Dog emerged to save the show. Dog took the stage with his ‘keytar’ and proceeded to deliver a substitute performance-- a sonic droning in the key of C that went on... and on... and on. KittyKat danced around and handed out Skittles Bite-Sized Candy to the audience.

In the aftermath, during which Bunnay emerged briefly from the white limousine to piss on the club, half the crowd later said they saw a classic Bunnay show. The other half felt ripped off. And the organizers weren’t playing pretend anymore. Art had had its way with all who were involved.

THE BUNNAY INCIDENT REVEALED:

The entire two years of Bunnay were for the express purpose of making a VideoFilm of Bunnay’s big final night, living up to expectations, delivering the predictable yet unexpected coup de gras. There were agents with cameras inside and outside The Backstage Lounge, and in the white limousine. Two years loosely scripted by Frog for one ultimate purpose: BUNNAY, THE MOVIE! - A speculation on the nature of truth, fantasy, and all that LIES between; a two year performance art fiasco that everybody loved, and hated.

Who got the blame and the hostility in the end? Me. Who was I? Bunnay. Who was Bunnay? An invention of Frog. Who is Frog? A guy who enjoys wearing a mask made out of snot, AND AN ADULT DIAPER! THE SPRING HAS COME UNDONE AGAIN ON THE LITTERA THIRTY-TWO! IT’S ALL CAPITALS! SCREAMING! SCREAMING AND FEAR!

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS REAL IF YOUR FANTASY FAILS YOU BY BEING TRUE TO ITSELF?