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A temporary home that offers a different kind of healing: Tom Hallman

Posted January 26, 2018 at 7:20 AM

Bentley Cave and his family. His mother, Kala, shaved her head in support of her son's journey after he was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Sister, Gabby, 10, and father, Jay.(Neal Johnson)

In all the years I'd come to this North Portland hospital to find stories, I'd never explored the southernmost end of the Legacy Emanuel Medical Center campus.

Last week, though, I turned down a small street and found myself in a building that offers a glimpse at the different ways in which we heal and take comfort from each other.

During some of the darkest moments in their lives, parents arrive at the Ronald McDonald House, where they stay, no charge and with all meals included, for as long as needed while their child receives treatment at Randall Children's Hospital.

Last year, more than 1,000 checked in. Some stayed a few days or a week. Others, several months.

In Oregon, there are three homes run under the auspices of the Portland-based non-profit Ronald McDonald House Charities, which in turn is part of a network of McDonald funded homes across the United States. The first Oregon home, and the smallest, opened in 1984 to serve families at Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Southwest Portland. The other home is near St. Charles Medical Center in Bend.

The largest facility, which opened in the late 1990s, is on the Legacy Campus. The sprawling building, with two floors, multiple common areas and spacious rooms for 25 families, feels like a fine hotel. Only at the check-in desk is it made clear something unusual takes place here.

On the branches of a wall-mounted piece of artwork called the wishing tree, hang handwritten notes from parents who never imagined they'd be here,

I wish Zach's heart wasn't broken.

I wish that the chemotherapy heals my child.

I wish the baby won't die.

***

Jessica Jarratt Miller, chief executive officer of the Oregon operation, said while most families come from Oregon and Washington, 15 states and nine countries were also represented last year. They travel to Portland because they need to be at at Randall Children's Hospital, which specializes in high-risk cases: Cancer, premature births, illnesses and accidents.

"The kids want their parents by their side," she said. "But it can be so expensive for a family to travel hundreds of miles and pay to live in a small hotel room far from the hospital for days or weeks."

She said the McDonalds corporation and franchise operators in Oregon and Washington contribute 1 cent from the sale of each cup of coffee and Happy Meal to make up about up about 15 percent of the money needed to run the homes. The remainder comes from local donations and fundraising. Miller said more than 1,000 volunteers work each year in the three Oregon homes. They bake, make meals, clean rooms and transport families to and from the airport or train station.

"What hits me is when a child reminds me of one of my own," said Miller. "A family came here with a boy who looks exactly like my 9-year-old son. He was on his bike when he was hit by a car. He was as close to death as he could be.

"He's fine now," she said. "Sometimes, we're here for the beautiful moments in life. In that way, this place is magical."

***

Earlier this week, Kala Cave and her 3-year-old son, Bentley, arrived at the home from Turner, a small town near Albany. Bentley was due at the hospital for his monthly exam. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

"To hear your son has cancer is terrifying," Cave said. "We were sent to Randall for treatment. A social worker told us about this home. We'd never heard of it."

During the first visit, Cave spent 45 days in the home while her son was in the hospital. Her husband and daughter visited on the weekends.

"All told, since we started, we've been here 111 days," Cave said. "At first, it was heartbreaking to hear about so many sick kids. But I realized I wasn't alone. I bonded with other parents."

Last year, her son suffered liver failure. She returned to the home while doctors fought to save her son's life.

"He was on life support," Cave said. "We didn't know if he'd make it. I'd come back from the hospital, and talk with people in the home. I opened up to people who became my friends."

She said her husband had to remain in Turner, so he could work to maintain the family insurance.

"There's no way we could have done this without this place," she said. "This is now my home away from home.

Down the hall, Glenn Hawkins, from Phoenix, was waiting for news about his 13-year-old son, Cody, sent to Portland for a complicated surgery and treatment after doctors discovered bone cancer in his leg.

"Life was good," said Hawkins. "Then, one day, he said his leg hurt. We thought he was sleeping on it the wrong way. We took him to the doctor for tests and got the call from the doctor: Cancer."

His son is being treated aggressively.

"He is so sick from the drugs, then he gets better and they start over again," he said. "My wife is back at home working to keep our insurance. My son and I will be here for a long time. There's no way we could afford this if I had to get a hotel room and pay for all the expenses."

Hawkins said he mostly appreciates the camaraderie of others in the same situation.

"Being around other parents," he said, "is important."

***

Lindsay Sage, who does not have children, started at the home as a volunteer, and eight years ago was hired to be a guest service manager. Friends tell her they could never work around sick kids or families in a crisis.

"I love my job," said Sage. "I get to know and support these families. This home as changed my life. I'm reminded daily, by watching these parents, that we are often stronger than we think we are."