One thing in life is certain: if you are an Orlando Jones fan, then you will never be bored. Tonight, the Big O guest-stars on "New Amsterdam," a new FOX series featuring a literally immortal homicide detective (the title character) who actually wishes he were mortal. Throw in a figuratively immortal "MADtv" alum for tonight's episode, "Soldier's Heart"; and you have a viewing experience that is, well, downright immortal. Confused yet? In an effort to clear things up, I submit to you the rather mortal episode summary from the Futon Critic:

"A homeless Gulf War veteran (Orlando Jones) confesses to the grisly murder of a controversial psychiatrist, but Amsterdam is skeptical. While reviewing the psychiatrist's soon-to-be published book, Amsterdam contemplates the reliability of memories and the reasons people bury them. Could the motive for this murder lie in the psychiatrist's own research? The murder also brings Amsterdam closer to finding 'the one' who he believes will unlock his heart and make him mortal."

What more out of life could mere mortals like us ask for? All diehard Orlando fans -- are there any other kind? -- are advised to tune in to FOX tonight at 9:00pm EST. What will Orlando do next? Given his resume, which grows faster than a steroid-influenced muscle on Barry Bonds' arm, you probably will not have to wait too long for the answer.