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There’s no definitive guidebook on the aftermath of a breakup—if there were, we could all save ourselves some trouble. But whether it ended slowly and painfully or abruptly without warning, there are always methods of coping. When it’s all said and done, there are five things that might help when you’re wondering how to get over it. (Hint: They don’t involve ice cream or watching When Harry Met Sally repeatedly)

Be Proactive

Peel yourself off the couch, put on some pants, and be proactive. You’ll never figure out how to get over it when all you’re doing is wallowing in why it all went wrong. Go to the gym, have a drink or eight with co-workers, pick up an old hobby–as long as you’re doing something that takes the focus off the breakup.

Romantic Comedies

If you’re wondering how to get over it, the answer is not at the bottom of a pint of ice cream or in a romantic comedy. Yes, we all love them, but at their core, they are fairytale fantasies and nothing more. No real relationship—the best or the worst ones, work like this and you’re only setting yourself up for further depression by indulging in this kind of wish fulfillment.

Focus on You

Take the time to repair the relationship with yourself. After all, you were a ‘we’ and now you’re a ‘me’ which is something you may not be familiar with anymore. Until you feel whole on your own again, it’s impossible to even consider the idea of a decent relationship with someone else. You have to be good to you before you can be good for a new guy.

Get Help

At a certain point, your friends can only offer so much (biased) advice to you. Don’t be embarrassed to get help in order to get a more objective opinion on why it ended. Not only could a therapist offer specific suggestions on how to get over it, but he/she might actually help you learn some things about yourself and relationships in the process.

Go on a Date

When you’re ready, start dating again. You’ll find that your ex wasn’t the only guy on the planet, that the world didn’t end, and there are still a million dating possibilities left for you to explore.