As children, we looked to our parents to meet nearly every need. Our parents instinctively provided love, support and guidance as they raised us to become independent adults. Now, as our parents age, there may come a time when we adult children evolve into the role of a “parent” to our parents. Parenting a parent presents unique challenges, so here are a few tips to help navigate this new role:

1. Understand your parent’s specific needs

Do they need help with medication management? Do they need guidance with their budget? Do they require hands-on assistance with activities of daily living such as brushing their teeth, taking a bath, or making dinner? Understanding their specific needs helps adult children to act in a supportive role, while still maintaining their dignity.

2. Customize a Plan to Help Your Parent

Each senior has a unique situation. Your parent may only need help managing their finances, and this is all of the guidance and support that they need. As much as possible, allow them to maintain a sense of control, while still getting necessary help.

3. Acknowledge Their Need for Independence

Parenting a parent is an ongoing challenge and the key to a successful transition from adult child to senior caregiver is to preserve and protect your parent’s dignity. Try to refrain from using a condescending tone or treating them in a childlike manner. Instead, ask for their input in decisions, while still providing them guidance as needed. This will make the role reversal easier for the both of you.

4. Practice Gentle Assertiveness

Remember, this is your parent and now you are assuming the role of their parent. When addressing difficult topics, be respectful but assertive. It will take time for both of you to adjust to the shift in the dynamic. This is most important when dealing with safety concerns, such as driving or living alone.

5. Focus on the positive

It is easy to get lost in the duties of your new role, but always remember to enjoy the time you have with your loved one.Over time, relationships and roles evolve. Be patient with yourself and your parent as you embrace this new dynamic. Never forget all of the valuable life lessons that your parents shared with you, therefore make it your goal to parent them in a similar way.

Each of us struggle at times to make conversation with others, whether they are family members, co-workers, or strangers. Most of us rely on default topics such as politics, the weather, or jobs. Instead, try one of these thoughtful questions to that will help you begin funny, beautiful, or heartfelt conversations:

What book would you recommend to your friends?

What are your top 5 favorite movies of all time?

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

What song or singer do you love to listen to?

If money and/or time were no object, what would you want to do? Where would you go? Who would be there? How would you fill your days?

What do you think the best age to be is? Why?

When did you know that your spouse was “the one”?

How did you choose your children’s (or pets’) names?

What’s the best advice your parents gave you? Did you listen to it?

Who do you admire most? Why?

Who is someone who inspires you? How so?

At what moment in your life do you remember laughing the hardest?

What’s something in your life that you are really good at? What’s something that you wish you were really good at?

What’s something you did that was embarrassing at the time, but you now see the humor in?

What was your favorite thing to do as a kid? (What did you save your allowance for? What did you race home after school to do? What did you write, talk, and dream about?)

What moment in history do you most vividly remember? (Where were you? What were you doing? How were you affected?)

What are you the most proud of in your life?

What is the hardest lesson you have ever learned?

What did you learn in your career that you wish you have known earlier?

What’s your number one piece of life advice?

What do you hope people remember about you?

Genuinely listening to someone is an act of kindness. Ask someone to share their story with you, and the conversation will be a gift to you both.

Do you love to spend time with your grandkids, but sometimes struggle with helping them express the broad range of topics and emotions we all experience such as happy, sad, frustrated, confused, or amused? Let your grandchildren know that you are open to talking about any topic. This will build their confidence, and their trust in you.

Here are 13 ideas of questions to ask your grandchildren:

What is something that you think you are really good at? Will you show me?

What do you think is the grossest food? What is the most delicious?

What’s something that made you happy today? Did anything make you sad?

What is your favorite part of your day at school?

What is your least favorite thing about school?

What did your mom or dad do today that made you frustrated?

What did your mom or dad do today that made you happy?

If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be? Why? What would you do with your superpowers?

What is the best present you have ever received?

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

If you could go anywhere or do anything today, what would it be?

What animals do you wish could talk? Why? What do you think they would say?

On average, 6,000 people die each day in the United States. It is only a matter of time before all of us will find ourselves in a position to show caring and support for someone experiencing the grief of losing a loved one. However, many of us will find ourselves at a loss for words as we try to console them.

Many articles on grieving recommend that we don’t need to worry about what we say because the griever will know that your words are “well-meaning”, or stem from love and caring. In reality, our “well-meaning” comments can offend, or even anger, the grieving, often making them feel worse. The following are examples of the most offensive:

It wasn’t meant to be

Others have it worse than you

Everything happens for a reason

God will never give you more than you can handle

I know just how you feel

You must be strong

The above comments are not comforting, they are judgmental and controlling. We often don’t know what to say, and so our own discomfort makes us try to minimize or fix the grief instead of understanding that our words may be hurtful. Instead, take a more compassionate approach such as:

I’m so sorry for your loss

I’m sorry that you are going through this

I don’t have the right words to say, but please know that I care

Let’s get a cup of coffee

I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I am here to help

You and yours are in my thoughts or prayers

Responses like this are helpful and supportive because they are not judgement or controlling. They do not try to fix what is not fixable, or tell the grieving what to feel, think, or do. At some point in all of our lives, we might be in their shoes and try to think about what you would want someone to say to you.

Remember that in the initial days and weeks following a death, the mourner is surrounded by many people. However, after a month or two, and when their supporters have returned to their own schedules, the grieving may feel abandoned. Keep in touch with them. Tell funny stories, or recount special memories. Thought nothing can erase grief, we can be present and supportive. It’s never wrong to be kind, considerate, caring, and thoughtful.