How bad is America's neverending recession? So bad that The American Man—mind enfeebled by Axe body spray fumes and Spanx-induced circulatory cutoff—now thinks nothing of taking a job that has traditionally been held primarily by women, so that he may earn money to pay for food, clothing, and shelter. The evidence is clear: "An analysis of census data by The New York Times shows that from 2000 to 2010, occupations that are more than 70 percent female accounted for almost a third of all job growth for men, double the share of the previous decade."

People often ask us, in our imagination, "Hey, why are you always vigilantly trying to save…
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More male teachers. More male bank tellers. More male nurses. Hell, there are so many male waitresses now, someone will have to come up with a new word for "waitress," denoting a waitress that has a penis.

What is next—male prostitutes?

Gentle reader, I ask you: is this what your father would want? A son, with a stable job in a growing field? Did the gays talk you into this? Has the "Bravo Network" eroded our standards to the point that we think nothing of an American Man—the same kind of man that violently subjugated minorities at home and abroad for centuries—serving iced tea to elderly folks at the Cracker Barrel, for tips? Do you think that Chester A. Arthur bided his time in front of a kindergarten class? Not unless he was invited in to speak on career day, my son. But after that he left.

The only good part of this is the whole "taking jobs away from women" thing.