Look But Don't Touch

The 2016 presidential race will be won by...(drum roll)....the envelope, please.....Republican Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (applause.) The first thing he’ll do on the first morning is sign an executive order to gut Obamacare, or maybe make some needed improvements and claim the Republicans changed it into something better, calling it Walkercare. Premiums will triple overnight with all the profits going to the Koch brothers. The next executive order will be that he’s enforcing the federal marijuana laws to the letter, immediately throwing 27 million people in prison, many of them grandparents with glaucoma. Then, in the afternoon, he’ll break the labor unions, gut Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. He’ll declare war on ISIS and commit a military force of 500,000 soldiers, sailors, Marines and Air Force fighters to bomb, shoot and stab the terrorists till they’re dead and gone from the face of the earth. After that, he’ll chase down Boko Haram and drive them into the sea. Next, he’ll pass amendments making gay marriage and abortion on demand unconstitutional, Christianity the official religion of the United States and English the official language. Every citizen over the age of 12 will be required to carry at the very least a small handgun at all times, even in the shower. The wall between Mexico and the U.S. border will be extended around the entire country. On day two, well, let’s just say it gets better, or it gets worse, depending on your point of view, but don’t worry about it. President Walker will tell us what to think.