April 29, 2012

Why clean??!

Can you find?.... 1. A student eating his tie. 2. Pencil drawings ON the wall. 3. Detention slips taped to the wall. 4. A student using my phone to update my facebook status without me knowing it.

If you ask any of my students (Andrew's Note: Or husband), organization is not one of my strong points. Or to clarify, organizing stuff is not my thing. My office at school looks like a black hole ingested a tornado and threw up its contents due to indigestion.

I haven't seen the surface of my desk in 5 years.

The wall next to my desk, and my super efficient upright file holder. I have no idea what those files are. This is after a run, BTW.... yes, I look awful.

You know the situation is bad when students begin asking for community service hours to help organize your crap. Yep. This happens on a weekly basis. I'm one of those people who would rather make a pile than put something away. (Translation: Make a pile so that OTHERS can put it away.) I think this constant state of disorganization is one reason so many students are crammed into my office at any given moment. It probably reminds them of their messy rooms. Lunch time, 7 am before band class, after school.... 10-15 students, backpacks, laptops, bean bag chairs, lunch sacks, calculus homework, blacklights.... this is my average day. Sometimes other teachers come to visit and they just.... stare. My life is in a constant state of controlled chaos.

Name one organized thing in this picture and I'll give you $10. (Even the blinds are in disarray).

1. Note the Taco Bell hot sauce on the wall. Very important. 2. These are the office Minions. They each have a name. Note here that I TRIED to organize them!

But this happened.

You can imagine how all of this translates to our house. I have a few basic principals that I live by as a working wife. And, while they won't earn me the 'wife-of-the-year' award, they've worked for our 7 years of marriage.

1. Making the bed is dumb. Why would I go through all that effort if there aren't guests to admire it?

2. Doing the dishes right after dinner takes away from other important activites. (Like Pinterest.)

2a. Dishes can sit in the sink for at least 24 hours without smelling too unreasonable. (I say at least 3 days! Especially if you rinse them when you put them there!)

3. Cleaning the house only happens on Saturday mornings. If I'm working or busy on Saturday morning, tough cookies. Next Saturday is only 6 days away!

4. I don't clean bathrooms. (I brought this up in marriage counseling!.... My mom made me clean our household bathrooms so many times as a kid that I feel like I've done my time. Also, having a brother means I know that a guy's "aim" is not always spot on.... nope, not cleaning up those type messes ever again.) (Who cleans it, you ask?? Well, it's not a dachshund, I can tell you that!)

5. Bathroom counters are meant to hold stuff that you use on a daily basis. They are NOT decorative. If I have to reach down into a cabinet to retrieve my hair dryer, face lotion etc... it's way too much effort at 6:00 AM.

6. The folding of all laundry needs to happen on the day that laundry is done, otherwise it will sit out on the living room couch all week and not get folded. (It's a nice little go-to place when you need clean clothes.) The dachshunds willl make little forts out of your underwear. Sucks for you.

7. There will be one section of the house designated for stuff I don't know what to do with. I probably won't ever clean it up. (That section is our little bar area. It's not actually for "stuff I don't know what to do with", it's for "stuff I don't want to do anything with and I'll put it over here so it will definitely get cleaned up by my husband".)

These simple rules have served the Redmon household quite well. And then we decided to move to Saudi Arabia. Evidently, when you sell your house you have to.... gasp.... keep it clean! All the friking time.... What?!! Andrew and I took a good look around a few days before our house went on the market. We came to this wise and deftly astute conclusion:

CRAP.

It seems our little system of controlled disorganization would not, in fact, be good for potential buyers. Which means we would have to.... be clean.....?! *Facepalm*

So, taken from out list above, here is our newer revised set of rules, all shiny and polished for potential house buyers:

1. Make the bed every day. It's okay to cuss while doing so, just make the d*#& bed. (Who knew it makes the room very serene and peaceful?!.....making the bed, not cussing)

2. Don't make dinner. Ever. It's creates dishes, and we all know what happens with dishes. Order Chinese take-out! Much more efficient and you have leftovers!

3. Get around cleaning the house by getting really busy with Grad school and leaving the house for hours on end studying at Panera. Husband has to clean up and I get my paper written... really... this is win-win for all involved. (I see this rather differently....)

8 comments:

1. I'm probably going to print your list and hand it to any potential husband.2. I can't get over the fact you and Mr.Redmon are so perfect for each other.3. You should think about publishing a book. It would be hilarious:)

I lol'd the whole time because this is what I try to explain to my mom, ESPECIALLY making the bed. It's pointless...more pointless than a lotion warmer. Oh and the Star Trek DVDs are organized thanks to Claire; you owe me $10.

OK, Allison, I've never met you (I grew up across the street from Andrew), but you are most definitely my SOUL SISTER! Why make a bed when no one ever steps foot in the room all day until bedtime?!?! And I am drowning in piles of stuff I haven't anywhere to put and no inclination to figure out where to put! Girl, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!! Glad you can laugh through it! Gotta' laugh so you don't cry!