Miller: Clippers, Three Stooges and the NBA playoffs

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LA Clippers center DeAndre Jordan #6 disagrees with a call and gets a technical foul. The Utah Jazz defeated the Los Angeles Clippers 97-95 in a first round playoff game at Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. April 15, 2017. (Photo by John McCoy/SCNG)

Referee Bill Spooner calls LA Clippers forward Blake Griffin for a foul in the 4th quarter. The Utah Jazz defeated the Los Angeles Clippers 97-95 in a first round playoff game at Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. April 15, 2017. (Photo by John McCoy/SCNG)

LOS ANGELES >> It was in this same building, in August of 2014, that a man as bold as he is bald shrieked about his undying affection for “Larry.”

Steve Ballmer also promised his Clippers would “keep coming and coming and coming and coming and coming,” the rambling battle cry interrupted only by his shouted assurances the team would be “Hard-core! Hard-core! Hard-core!”

Staples Center shook that day, rattled by the thundering decibels produced by a single-person seismic event.

Thirty-two months later and now opening the 2017 playoffs against Utah, there’s still no sign of “Larry,” the Clippers instead dragging around “Curly” and “Moe” and however else you’d like to express this franchise’s miserable slapstick past.

Same old Clippers? Well, no, not at all. They are in the postseason for the sixth consecutive year and just finished with 51 victories, same as the defending champion Cleveland Cavaliers.

This franchise once went 15 seasons without making the playoffs, a spiral into oblivion during which it moved from Buffalo to San Diego to Los Angeles, a break that wasn’t exactly fast but was – on the court, at least – fruitless.

Still, there’s no denying that the Clippers never have advanced beyond two rounds of playoffs in any one season, an almost impossible degree of ineptitude that some people might characterize as being hexed.

I’m not one of those people, since I always see the basket as nearly half-full, which, no, is not another joke about DeAndre Jordan’s career 43-percent free-throw shooting.

But it is worth noting that it was forward Blake Griffin, in recently disputing the notion that the Clippers are somehow damned, who chose to use the word “cursed.”

When Ballmer purchased the team for a gaudy $2 billion, he infused the Clippers with the sort of buzzing energy that normally comes only with a second Starbucks stop.

In August of ’14, during an introductory pep rally, that energy famously bubbled over, not unlike the sweat that streamed down Ballmer’s temples that afternoon.

“Larry” was his loving way of referring to the Larry O’Brien Trophy, which the NBA hands annually to its champion, meaning the Clippers never have been close enough to know if it’s made of some sort of metal or, who knows, milk chocolate.

Despite the lack of playoff success, Ballmer, similar to his team, is not difficult to like. Sitting here along the baseline, he comes off as somewhat of a regular fan – rabid but regular – at least for a guy whose net worth is estimated at $30.1 billion.

Let’s think about the figure for just a second. Forbes magazine says there are only 34 people in the world richer than Ballmer, who could buy Rams owner Stan Kroenke four times over.

As another comparison, Angels owner Arte Moreno is worth $2.1 billion. Ballmer finds things like Arte Moreno in between his couch cushions.

Forbes also reports that Ballmer owns 4 percent of Twitter, which might not sound like much.

But when you consider all the people you know who are on Twitter and the fact that, according to multiple news accounts, nearly 80 percent of its users are living outside the U.S., that’s no shortage of international clout.

Anyway, I find Ballmer and the Clippers easy to root for, and not just because this group is the perfect Hollywood stereotype of the underdog. I mean, who pulls for a team that never wins anything to keep never winning anything?

The Clippers make generally humorous and completely harmless television commercials.

Griffin never has been more embraced by the organization than he has been this season, still barely a year after breaking his hand punching another team employee.

Jordan has his body covered in tattoos that express his deep faith, including a pair of praying hands on his torso marked with an acronym for “God Watch Over Me.”

Then there’s Chris Paul, widely considered to be one of the finest leaders in NBA history, a dynamic overall talent and a man with too many charitable efforts to list here, although I will mention he built a house in South Africa for orphans.

They’re all coached by Doc Rivers, a former All-Star point guard known for his competitive natural who took the occasion of this series opening to announce he has a “man crush” on Gordon Hayward, the star of the Jazz.

It has been awhile, but I don’t recall Phil Jackson ever talking publicly about his man crushes, and, never mind opponents, I mean the players Jackson actually was coaching.

Sure, the Clippers still complain to the referees way too much and Griffin flops way too often. But you try playing on a team that ends every season in a fit of frustration.

So I am pulling for the Clippers against Utah, convinced this is a series they absolutely should win.

After that, comes round two and likely – Ah, uh-oh! – the Golden State Warriors.

No, “Larry” won’t be visiting Staples Center anytime soon. But “Curly” and “Moe” are long gone, too, despite the fact someone else around here, once again, will laugh last.

Jeff Miller has been a sports columnist since 1998, having previously written for the Palm Beach Post, South Florida Sun-Sentinel and Miami Herald. He began at the Register in 1995 as beat writer for the Angels.

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