Remember the craze a few years back in the Bookworld for sending chain letters? Receive a letter and send one on to ten friends? Well, someone has been over-enthusiastic with the letter „U“. I’ve got a report here from the Text Sea Environmental Protection Agency saying that reserves of the letter „U“ have reached dangerously low levels – we need to decrease consumption until stocks are brought back up. Any suggestions?‘
(….)
‚How about respelling what, what?‘ suggested King Pellinore, stroking his large white moustache. ‚Any word with the „our“ ending could be spelt „or“, dontchaknow.‘
‚Like neighbor instead of neigbour?‘
‚It’s a good idea,‘ put Snell in. ‚Labor, valor, flavor, harbor – there are hundreds. If we confine it to one geographical area we can claim it as a local spelling idiosyncrasy.‘

‚Item five. All the punctuation has been stolen from the final chapter of Ulysses. Probably about five hundred assorted full stops, commas, apostrophes and colons.‘
He paused for a moment.
‚Vern, weren’t you doing some work on this?‘
‚Indeed,‘ replied the squire, stepping forward and opening a notebook. ‚We noticed the theft two days ago. I spoke to the Cat and he said that no one has entered the book, so we can only assume that the novel was penetrated trough the literary interpretation of Dublin – which gives us several thousand suspects. I surmise the thief thought no one would notice as most readers never get that far into Ulysses – you will recall the theft of chapter sixty-two from Moby Dick, which no one ever noticed? Well, this theft was noted, but initial reports show that readers are regarding the lack of punctuation as not a cataclysmic error but the mark of a great genius, so we’ve got some breathing space.‘

‚Sorry to keep you all waiting,‘ he muttered. ‚As you have seen, things are a little fraught outside. But I am delighted to see so many of you here. Is there anyone else still to come?‘
‚Shall we wait for Godot?‘ enquired Deane.
‚Anyone know where he is?‘ asked the Bellman. ‚Beatrice, weren’t you working with him?‘
‚Not I,‘ replied the young woman. ‚You might enquire this of Benedict if he troubles to attend but you would as well speak to a goat – a stupid goat, mark me.‘
‚The sweet lady’s tongue does abuse to our ears,‘ said Benedict, who had been seated out of our view but now rose to glare at Beatrice.
‚Were the fountain of your mind clear again, that I might water an ass at it.‘
‚Ah!‘ retorted Beatrice with a laugh. ‚Look, he’s winding up the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike!‘
‚Dear Beatrice,‘ returned Benedict, bowing low, ‚I was looking for a fool when I found you.‘
– Jasper Fforde, The Well Of Lost Plots