Well, no. None of us would, unless we were the sort of person who gets a kick out of that sort of thing.

Yet that’s what is happening to a troubled young man who’s just turned 20. He’s the product of a broken home, a Bible-bashing mum and a bad boy dad, and he’s been made to work since he was about 12 years old.

He is, as you’d expect, an annoying little toerag prone to wearing his trousers around his knees while driving fast cars in a less-than-sensible fashion.

He’s called Justin Bieber, and unless you live under a rock you’re probably aware he’s a mega-rich popstar suffering from a great poverty of thought.

On his most recent arrest – this time for driving under the influence, resisting arrest and not having a licence – he was filmed for a sobriety test. Under the very open legal process in Florida, this can be released to the public.

Unfortunately for young master Bieber, the video included not just him trying to walk in a straight line, but also a urine test.

Cue some tweenie outrage among Bieber’s fans who aren’t grown up enough to admit they’d love to get an eyeful of his trouser newt, and some chin-scratching among the older generation muttering about intrusion and not-really-fair.

Yet there is no such outrage when your average Miami teenager is videoed doing the same; and of course, not the same level of interest if they do.

Because it’s quite right what celebrities often say, that the world intrudes upon them more than others. What they never follow that up with is ‘because I asked them to’.

Fame is just like a vampire, you see – there is a price to pay for inviting it in. It can come knocking for anyone, for different reasons, but you can always say no or just chat in the doorway.

Once it has its feet under your table and fangs in your neck you’re lost, and that’s that.

But the Bieber hypocrisy vortex over his winky pictures isn’t just about fame. It’s about how we got to the point where there is even an argument about what should happen to the video of his sobriety test.

Justin Bieber is probably the first human being to be digitized.

His mother uploaded videos of his singing to YouTube when he was just 12, and sent him off with a stranger to record demos at 13.

There was an intentional decision for him to build a fanbase online, posting YouTube videos, interacting with fans on Twitter. When he first visited radio stations he would tweet about it, and 50 fans might turn up. Then 100, then thousands, and radio stations played more of his music to get a bigger audience share.

Since then Bieber has gathered more followers than Canada has people, an inch of pancake on his spotty adolescent face, and a petulant pout. Whatever he does is immediately tweeted, snapped on camera phones, papped or subject of a press release.

His money, the $50,000 allowance he reportedly pays his father, his house, his friends, his lovers, the lawyers trying to keep him out of jail – they all depend, utterly, on Bieber’s digital presence. On downloads, clicks, likes, ratings.

Frankly, when all these things are what a human being has been reduced to, a video of him pissing is neither intrusive or titillating – it’s simply inevitable.

And in fact it’s already happened – he was videoed pissing in a cleaner’s mop bucket and saying ‘f*** Bill Clinton’ last year.

At least this time around someone present was trying to make him act sensibly – if I were on his legal team I’d point out the urine test is the best possible video of the little twat likely to be released any time in the next 12 months, after which a Britney-style nervous breakdown is on the cards.

The one thing everything forgets about Justin Bieber is that inside the digital factory others have constructed around him is a confused 20-year-old boy.

A boy who, allegedly, drives under the influence without a licence in a supercar drag race on public roads.

That boy, famous or not, is in serious need of a good solid bollocking from the authorities. He needs the sobriety test, he needs to be treated the same as anyone else for a change, he needs frankly to be stripped down to his scrawny naked form, put in an orange jumpsuit and told he’s on his own.

And if the charges are proven then he’s a criminal, and he doesn’t deserve privacy anywhere near as much as he deserves to be scrubbing the prison showers for a few months.

Bieber is a troubled person because of all the people around him – his parents, his management, his 50million Beliebers. For years they have treated him as a demi-god more special than the rest of us, and as a result they’ve turned him into a millionaire yob with the brain of a duck.

Treating Bieber like he’s normal – a normal criminal suspect, a normal drunk 20-year-old – is the first step in making him human again.

And the only people who don’t want that are the ones who would be quite happy to put his genitals in a newspaper if it turned a buck.