According to a new dossier handed out between US defence chiefs, the FSB (a modern version of the KGB) allegedly has compromising evidence of Donald Trump engaged in “perverted sexual acts”.

Golden showers. With prostitutes. In a Moscow Hotel room, arranged and monitored by the Kremlin’s spy agency in 2013. The sort of ‘kompromat’, or compromising materials, that US defence chiefs worry could be used to blackmail the new world leader.

Leaked by Buzzfeed News, and believed to have been written by a former British MI6 spy for Trump's political opponents, it states Trump stayed in the Presidential suite of the Ritz Carlton Hotel, “where he knew President and Mrs Obama (whom he hated) has stayed on one of their official trips to Russia, and defiling the bed where they had slept by employing a number of prostitutes to perform a ‘golden showers’ (urination) show in front of him.”

“The hotel”, it adds, “was known to be under FSB control with microphones and concealed cameras in all the main rooms to record anything they wanted to”.

The dossier, which includes testimony from a former top Russian intelligence officer, has been taken so seriously by US officials that senator John McCain handed it to US defence chiefs including FBI director James Comey, whose team already had copies of the memo.

Keen to pour water (we’re not sure of the colour) on the allegations, Trump Tweeted yesterday that it was a media witch hunt. However, it might just be the tip of the iceberg concerning Putin’s government and its alleged interference with the US election.

There are also claims in the documents that members of Trump’s team had meetings with people connected with the Kremlin during the campaign, receiving information on Trump’s political rivals, including Hillary Clinton, who the FSB had been bugging and intercepting the phone calls of for decades.

Buzzfeed’s Editor-in-Chief Ben Smith Tweeted an email he sent to his staff after the publication of the dossier, addressing the moral ethics and why they felt right in bringing such heavyweight allegations a week before the man ensnared within them takes office. Smith was insistent that the unverified reports are very much that, and allegations shouldn’t be taken for granted.

As the evidence of Russian cyber hacking mounts, Trump is now under intense pressure to be critical of the Russian government, who he’s been so positive about in recent months.

If US voters are looking for silver linings, it’s that the billionaire mogul reportedly turned down numerous deals offered by Putin’s government, including substantial real estate development deals, with some in relation to the 2020 World Cup. A worrying thought in itself.

Though in hindsight, the Russians may be glad they didn’t get into bed with Trump. The mattress must be soaking.