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Okay, look at my avatar. You see a healthy looking 170 pound smiling guy, now close your eyes picture this:

Me in bed, hooked to IV, popping Morphine, Darvocet, Marinol and weighing in at a hefty 140 pounds! Yes ladies and gentlemen I am alive...and isn't it grand??

Do I sound bitter? Yes probably, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Let me start from the beginning....

Friday May 24th I wake up with fever, headache, and think: "It's just a little virus, I will take the day and rest...." Saturday May 25th I wake with a 104.5 degree temp, headaches, backaches, joint pain, etc...I called a friend to take me to the emergency room (because I couldn't drive), where I was admitted post haste to the hospital with sepsis. We are still not exactly sure how I got staph in my blood stream...I had no abscesses or open wounds, still a mystery at this point. I spent the following 5 days in the hospital. I was released from the hospital on Thursday May 31st with PICC line installed, and IV antibiotics for another 10-15 days.

I am officially on a disability leave of absence from work, with an unknown date of return to work.

My head hurts terribly bad, I guess that's good, cause it did confirm I have a brain, cause it's SWOLLEN from the infection. I went out to the store today, which proved to be a larger chore, than I had anticipated. I found that just after an hour of being out and walking I was winded, tired and felt as if I had just ran a marathon...

This is probably the first time I have found myself a little scared...I think what scared me most was when the doctor was very blunt with me...with out dancing around the issue, he said, if I hadn't had gone in to the hospital I could have been dead by week's end...yea, it was that serious! And still is.

I still can't seem to put weight on, and yes I am eating..I eat like a freaking HORSE, I am not putting any weight on. I am losing muscle mass and I honestly look like one of those children Sally Struthers raises money for...do you think $.10 a day will feed me?

Also, in May, I was diagnosed with HEP C, the viral load was in the millions...we should have some indication as to whether or not to start treatment in the next day or so...I have a sinking feeling that I will be starting the interferon soon...

And back to where I began...I have a headache that refuses to go away, and nausea and vomiting that started Monday night...I am just ready to be healthy again...I am so tired, yet I can't sleep through the night. So, I got me an OTC sleep aide to see if that helps tonight...

I go in tomorrow to have the PICC and dressing changed...I have a pal driving me there, cause I can't stand or sit up straight without the urge to purge...

So, I will be taking the time given to me to rest, and get well again...GOD I HATE AIDS!!!! This damned bug won't let you shake what most people can bounce back from quickly...I don't feel like I am living right now...I feel like I am surviving.

Jeromy, I was just going to ask a few people if they knew how you were doing.. So now we know... Jesus Jeromy, I am sorry you are having to deal with this so head on... Your going to pull through this... Do what the docs say...

Jeromy,Hang in there babe. I have been down your path as so many of us on here. Right now it is personal and you need to know you have "us". Please lean on us for support. I know that cute guy in the pic is still there and will be there.

Yes - You are just surviving at the moment but damn if that isn't worth a hell of a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for.

No - this is not some feel better and be happy response to your post - I respect you and what you are going through too much to do that, and as much as this sounds like a load of crap - you have to believe that you are gonna get through this.

I know when you moved months ago you started a new life in many ways, but do you have anyone nearby who can be checking in on you and helping you around the house?

Sounds like you have been through the wringer so to speak. I remember feeling that way when I was discharged after my second round of PCP. Going to the super market was a total killer. Thank god for my partner and parents because I simply would have not made it without them. I hate PIC lines and the antibiotics associated with them, but better than a hospital bed, nothing beats the couch and/or bed in our own home. Take care hon, the weight will come back too fast and much too much in my case. HUGS!

If I could be there I'd make sure you were as comfortable as could be expected and as entertained as I could muster, but unfortunately I'm not. All I can do is reassure you here and tell you that, no matter what condition you find yourself in I love you deeply and with all my heart.

B

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Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Jeromy- Just hang in there. I had sepsis and was in a coma six years ago. I was in the coma for two weeks, then unresponsive. My power-of-attorney told me that when I was taken to the emergency room, they went to do an MRI and I flat-lined on the table and was "dead" for a couple minutes and my mother had to make the decision for them to revive me. I just feel really lucky that I made it through that and can even still think straight. You'll get through this. One day at a time, one step at a time, one minute at a time. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Peace-Betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Damn, I was about to PM you and see what you've been up to and where you've been. To a small extent, I understand how you feel. When I had that damned PCP back in December, I was a bit freaked out about the whole thing. What helped more than anything, emotionally anyway, was the support and concern from folks here and friends and family visiting me in the hospital. Even though we're not there with you, you know we're thinking about you and are hoping for you to have a speedy recovery. Take care.

Though I don\\\'t know you, I feel for you. I hope all will be better and that you gain your weight back. I bet even at 140 you are still as handsome as your avatar pic. Staph infections are scary. I have four wisdom teeth that have to come out before they become badly infected but, I am afraid because of this little virus called HIV.

I'm so sorry. Not having heard from you in a long time I was fearing the worst and hoping for the best. From depression to HEP C to sepsis is, like they say, going from the frying pan into the fire. I'm sorry it's all such a bitch right now.

However godawful they may be, try those protein drinks like Ensure. And I do so hope you have someone there to help take care of you.

I sorry to hear that you are going through this. I HATE HIV/AIDS too , I hate it so much that I decided it will not beat me, it will not take the best of me.I know in times like this it is difficult to think clearly, but I know you are going to bounce back from this and you will beat the crap out of HIV/AIDS.

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POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Aw sweetie, this sucks! Keep fighting - you can beat this and come out on top.

I kinda doubt that you would be allowed to start the hep C treatment until you're feeling stronger, but honey, please do start the treatment as soon as you are able. It's a bitch, but it WILL help you in the long run. You know I speak from experience here.

You also know where I am and how to contact me. Don't hesitate! I know how important support is while doing the interferon/ribaviron stuff - and I'm here to give you that support. You can do it, really, you can.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Hello, Jeromy. I had wondered where you were lately. I am really sorry to hear you got sick but am glad you are getting better. Hang in there, your weight will go back up and you will be your normal beautiful self, soon. Try not to get too down. Things will get better. Cristy

Jeromy my boy like I said in my PM yesterday I hadn't had the chance to read your thread so I just plugged it into my text to speech reader and listened. I'm so sorry to hear about the hell you've been through since May 24th. I had hoped your absence was for other reasons. I'd often check your profile to check if you signed in but I think it seemed stuck on May 8th. I was just so happy to see you online that I decided to wait until today to read the thread. I know you can beat this! If it wasn't for this fucking PML I'd be in my car headed to Charlotte. I'm sure Jeffrey would understand. (maybe) I've been thru the weight loss and it just takes some time. Before PML I was 200+ then with PML I fell below 150 and now I'm struggling to keep it down at 185.

Damn sweetie, I hope you get better soon. Like the others, I also wondered where you were. Stay home and rest up, find someone to check in on you and take care of your bills etc or better yet do it online if you can. I will be sending my rays of sunshine to you, lovey!!!!

I wish you were not getting a couple decades worth of medical drama thrown at you in a few weeks, but that's the way things go sometimes. You may feel like hell, but you still gave me a boner here at the office this afternoon! WOOF!

Glad to hear you are a little better. Have you asked your doc about Marinol? It works very well for the nausea, only downfall is you will be stoned for a long time and it doesn't really help if you are having problems keeping anything down.I hope you keep getting stronger and healthier by the minute.

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POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Glad to hear you are a little better. Have you asked your doc about Marinol? It works very well for the nausea, only downfall is you will be stoned for a long time and it doesn't really help if you are having problems keeping anything down.I hope you keep getting stronger and healthier by the minute.

I am on Marinol...and you are not kidding...it definitely keeps you stoned! It also seems to help with the headaches too...

Why do I get this urge to squeal like a pig when I see you online? OINK See what you do to me! I'm glad to read you're beginning to feel better. Don't push yourself just yet. I'm glad you have friends there to help you out. Good luck tomorrow at the doctors. Hope he tells you that PICC can come out and that you'll never need that again.