i) Vital Statistics.Name:ClaireAge:17Sex:RawrLocation:Stockwell of the Southern states of London.Star Sign:Aquarius the water-bearerDimensions:5 foot 1 from top to toe. 26 inches around the waist. That's about all I know.All that jazz:And a bit more.

ii) Post one photograph.

iii) Favourites.Give us five lists of your top five things. [Books, movies, et cetera.]Musicians:SugababesLetters To CleoEvanescenceSugarcultNo Doubt

iv) Give us your opinion on five contraversial, political points.The Hutton Inquiry:Why the hell has any of this been blamed on Greg Dyke? He is one of the best things to happen to the BBC. I can not believe that Tony Blair has gotten away scot-free. He wants his head chopped off. Bastid.War on terror:Ok, so I wasn't for war before it all began, and I still believe that there were a million more peaceful ways this issue could have been resolved, but now that they've caught Saddam, I guess all is not lost. Even though quite a lot is lost. Just don't kill the bastard. Not yet. Let him die by himself. Don't bloody well kill him you prat Mr Bush.Top-up fees:Fortunately for me, I'm going to be in the final lot of students who don't have to pay top-up fees. But once again, Blair wants his head chopped off. Going against his own bloody manifesto. C'mon the Lib Dems.Tony Blair:Hang the bastard. George Bush:Hang the bastard.

v) In your own words, define 'satire'.Like, Claire so knows what to put in this question...

vi) If you had to be a fascist, a neo-liberalist, an anarchist or a communist, which would you be and why?Neo-liberalist. Because I rock like that.

Least:The fact that I wear clothes. Like, ugh.My unrequited love. It would seem everybody gets that bitch.The black nail varnish. But it really is because I have skanky nails.Lack of a cute nose. I've injured my achilles tendon. And that is just no good for anything, let alone elitism.

viii) What do you think of favouring somebody for being good at things in...[a] an education system? Being smart is sometimes cool, but sometimes it's really not. I don't like clever bods who know they're clever. They are not elite, they're just stuck-up old farts.[b] everyday life? People who are just good at things in general are cool, because they tend to not dwell on the fact that they are great.

x) Tell us of a precocious event that occured in your childhood.Nothing too precocious has ever happened to me. I remember really fighting with my cousin when I was about 7. I slapped her hard around the face and she fell on the floor crying. I still hate her to this day.