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Month: November 2013

Today I’ve been reminded again that there are so many situations that GRIEVING PARENTS are dealing with, time and time again, weeks, months and years after the actual loss of their child. Even a picture of a place can carry so much memories…

Just the other day in my previous blog I posted about ‘The Things that Are Just Mine’ and there are so many challenges bereaved parents go through on a daily basis which mostly they don’t share. Articles like Paul’s, Carly’s and all the other authors on Still Standing Magazine AND all the authors of their personal blogs are helping those who might be lucky enough NOT to belong to this ‘club’ of GRIEVING PARENTS but touched enough because they know someone or support someone close to them.

Thinking about the book (GRIEVING PARENTS – Surviving Loss As A Couple) I’m reflecting on the challenges a couple is facing post loss. These are mostly challenges you (the public) won’t see. In the light of the last post of openness and allowing vulnerability by sharing, let me share some of the challenges I have experienced:

different forms and time lines of grieving

being emotional in all forms: sad, angry, moody… (you name it) and projecting it onto my partner

impatience, with myself, with my partner, with our surviving child, with everything and every one – to the point of my partner not understanding why

Today, while folding laundry, I was thinking of the things I think and feel, that rarely get mentioned, even with those closest in my life. Some of those things are ‘just mine’ and I am ok with not sharing them with the world. Some of those ‘just mine’ things might be due to the pain they cause, others might be embarrassing and others are just my personal ‘whatever’.
I have however also been reminded that there are those ‘just mine’ things that any other person keeps to themselves. We really don’t even know our closest person ever that well to know it all.

It reminded me to be compassionate with the ‘oh-so-stressed’ people running through the streets of Zurich, I really don’t know the reason, they are or seemed stressed.
It reminded me to be forgiving with the people in our little village who do not say ‘Thank you’ when I let them pass in the narrow section between parked cars and the post office.
It reminded me to be accepting of not understanding people’s unusual reactions and words.

It ALSO reminded me to feel really glad when the workmen on the street in front of our house while making incredible noise since 2 months also move out of the way and smile at me when I pass by with Ananda Mae.
It ALSO reminded me to be happy that when walking with Ananda Mae people start to smile and talk, at least to her and sometimes to me.
It ALSO reminded me to feel grateful and appreciative for those day-to-day things like the warm autumn sunlight shining through the beautiful coloured autumn leaves.

So what is it, that you carry around that is just yours?

Here are some of mine:

The subtle pain I feel when seeing identical twins running and playing with each other. (We seem to have a lot of these in our neighbourhood…)

The sadness when hearing pregnant women say ‘oh I didn’t even want to get pregnant so fast after my first one’ remembering that, if not for this 2nd miscarriage, I would be delivering a baby soon

The disappointment of not having Ananda Mae grow up with a sibling

Just 3 for today. Giving those 3 ‘just mine’ the freedom of disclosure. Feeling vulnerable. Being more real. Part of the ‘new normal’ me.

Thank you A Mourning Mum – with an ‘oh’ of surprise I found Living Without My Twin Sister nominated on her blog for the Sunshine Award. I have seen these kinds of awards in a few places but never really understood how they work and didn’t bother finding out. But today, I will 🙂

I found many images but not really a page explaining it so I’m going on what A Mourning Mum has said: “After looking into more information about the award it is a virtual way to connect bloggers who are talking about the same things and want to acknowledge each other.”

Given you are reading my blog posts, you might have found that even though there is the sadness of having lost my daughter, the purpose behind my blogging is to bring more LIGHT into the matter of parental bereavement and other grief. So – a bit of ‘sunshine after the storm’, as the title of the recent book of grieving mothers says, is a welcome change and a continuous endeavour with the changing November weather in Switzerland (and I can tell you WE can ALWAYS use some MORE sunshine here).

I am honoured and pleased that you (or anyone) have found my blogs helpful, supportive and inspiring.

Rules of the Sunshine Award:

Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post.

Link the blogger who nominated you.

Answer 10 questions about yourself.

Nominate 10 other bloggers to receive the award.

Link to your nominees and let them know you nominated them.

10 Questions about Me:

Why do you blog? It is my desire to bring light to other grieving people. I want people to know they can and should mention Amya and my mother. Not because or how they died should hinder anyone to speak about them, they exist, not physically in this world but nevertheless they exist.