How to make a good impression with her friends

August 1, 2013 By Beth| Heads up: Buying via our links may result in us getting a commission. Here's why.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com.

Ask A Woman: How do I make a good impression with my new gal’s friends?

Howdy, fellas. Tackling another free-standing post this week: meeting your love interest’s friends for the first time. (As is my habit, I’ll mainly use female pronouns here, but this could definitely apply to those readers who date men.) To some extent, this is like meeting her parents. Here’s why:

1) You MUST make a good impression. Or at least, you must do everything in your power to make a good impression. It will make her life (and yours) infinitely easier if her friends like you, and don’t mind having you around.

2) You will be stuck in the company of these people for the foreseeable future, if not forever. You don’t have to love them, but a cordial, pleasant relationship is preferable.

3) There are few healthy relationships that withstand both partners or one partner abandoning all their platonic friendships (or cutting ties with family), so you want to make sure you’re acting in a manner that is conducive to your gal’s maintenance of those relationships.

You “gotta get with” her friends…platonically, of course.

Granted, parents may be looking for something a little different when it comes to their children’s mates–responsibility, maturity, financial stability. And her friends, while they don’t want to hang out with a broke, unreliable douche who makes boob jokes, have different priorities. If you’re going to be joining them for baseball games and trivia at the bar, and attending their weddings, they want you to be fun, easy-going, and nice to their friend. Yes, yes, there are always a couple people in the group who find it hard to be happy for their once-single friend, but I’m not speaking about those people. Those people will be slow to warm to you no matter what you do.

So, how do you woo her friends? Spend time with them. No, it won’t be as fun as a night with the boys, at least not initially, but it’s an investment in your relationship. Get to know these friends. Take a sincere interest in their jobs, their hobbies, their significant others. You may even find that true friendships with these women emerge. All the better. While you’re putting in time, be on your best behavior. To some extent, you’re dating her friends, too. I mean, the goals are similar…except, you know, you shouldn’t try to sleep with her friends. So behave around them, at first, the way you would on a first date. Avoid hot button topics–“Nice to meet you, where do you fall on the abortion debate?” Be courteous, ask them questions. Buy the first round of drinks. Try to get to know their boyfriends. This should be obvious but be nice to your girlfriend in front of them. No jokes at her expense, no complaints about her annoying habits. If she does something that upsets you while you’re with all her friends, wait and discuss it with her later.

Eventually, your relationships with her friends will evolve, and hopefully become more interesting and complex, moving beyond these reserved first-meeting situations. Some of her friends may become people you genuinely look forward to seeing, and with whom you have a connection. Others may become “Ugh, we’re having dinner with Lauren tonight” and that’s okay, too. The important thing is to put your best foot forward so that your girlfriend and her friends have no doubt about your intentions, and feelings for your lady.

I met 4 of my girlfriends the other night. She as been friends with them for some time, but I haven’t had the chance to meet them yet. We had them over our house for dinner and drinks last weekend. I manned the kitchen and the bar and nailed it. Great food that everyone liked. Nailed the margaritas, craft beer, and mixed drinks. Everyone had a great time and I was able to spend time with them all together get to know them individually and as a group of girlfriends. Feed them, and be interested in their lives and you are golden.

How about being yourself and making them fall in love with you the same way your girl friend did. By being you! Let’s face it, not everyone is going to love you 100% of the time, so why be a phoney and act any different than you normally would. Those that you dont get along with, dont spend time with or as little as possible. Don’t change you because they are jealous or have a hair across their ass for something you didnt do. Be an alpha!

She could be trying to set you up with her other friends (assuming you’re single). If you liked her and she likes you (but not in that way), it could be that her friends would also like you–and possibly in that way.

I’m generally of the opinion that, as a single guy, it never hurts to know a few more girls. They’re the best wingman a guy can ask for–having a seal of approval from another girl and you’re ahead of the game.

hornsup84 is right: she is trying to introduce you to her friends as an eligible bachelor. What’s the harm in meeting them? There could be a real knockout among her friends whom you’re avoiding on principle.

Finding the right girl is like finding a job. Even if none of her friends are right for you, ‘networking’ with them will only help get you introduced to more girls. It’s much better to be introduced to a girl by another girl – you get a lot more credibility that way.

Chances are a person’s friends are usually like minded and share a lot of the same sensibilities. If a girl likes you, her friends should have no issue. “Meeting the friends” should never be something that makes one apprehensive.