Machine of Death contributor Camille Alexa very kindly sent us this in the mail. It appears to be some sort of nozzle-bearing device that will predict your death.

I am afraid we have no recourse but to lay down our arms and cede victory to its garish packaging and compact form factor. It is cheaper than our Machine and likely just as accurate.

We have looked over this device and examined it from every angle. No explanation, no text, no illustration provides any answers whatsoever — simply more questions. Thanks, Camille. We will sleep uneasily tonight.

p.s. Only the ingredients listed on the back (SDA 38B Peppermint 190-Proof, Deionized Water, Cinnamic Fragrance, Glycerin USP 99.5%, Sodium Saccharin, FD&C Red #40) give any sort of hint whatsoever as to this thing’s true nature, and even then — now that we’ve learned that this is a substance to be ingested — it seems more sinister even than before.

After a long year of excitement, disappointment, renewed excitement, continued disappointment, thickheadedness, obstinacy and relief, we are pleased to announce that Machine of Death will be officially released this October by Bearstache Books, the boutique printing arm of Wondermark Enterprises.