Monday, October 26, 2009

Accordions for Sale

Hi, I saw you're looking to trade your accordions for some guns. I am definitely interested, but are you only looking for guns or do you just want weapons of any kind?Thanks,Roger

B:

I'M PARTAL TO GUNS BUT, I'M OPEN TO ANYTHING, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

Roger Podacter:

Sorry for my delay in response, I'm currently in prison on DUI charges so my internet access is limited. Some system this is huh?

Anyway, I'll be out on the 21st of November and I am definitely interested in your accordions. I'm looking to turn my life around and I think playing the accordion is the way to do it. I don't have any guns (wink). But I have other weapons that I would be willing to trade for the accordions.

I spent 6 months in Fallujah during Desert Storm working with the a unit that was basically in charge of explosives and detonations. During that time I became familiar with GBFEL's and NPB's (Ground Based Free Electron Lasers and Neutral Particle Beams). These are basically high energy lasers which are designed to neutralize ballistic missiles. Unfortunately, these units were not very widely used or popular. These babies hog quite a lot of power and that kind of juice was hard to come by in the deserts of Iraq.

Anyways, after the war I was able to acquire a NPB through an old college buddy of mine at a relatively low cost. Obviously, you understand that this type of technology is older and partly unstable which makes it extremely dangerous. Since I've had the particle beam I've only used it twice. When I initially acquired it I took it on a quail hunt with my brother-in-law T.J. When I first turned on the unit we pretty much vaporized a 50 yard area within line with the beam. We immediately powered down the unit. The only other time I used it was during a stag party at my old house in Penn Hills. We were shotgunning bottles of Old Grandad, when my uncle Jack passed out and accidentally turned on the device. My friend Darren received third degree burns and had his arm partially sheared off from the particle beam.

I think you now understand the danger, but also the enjoyment that this NPB has to offer. Please send me your cell number so we can arrange a time to meet. The best time and place for our deal would be under the cover of darkness and in a heavily rural area.