“In memoir, how do I handle writing about family members and others who are still living?”

—Robert “to the” Graves

Dear Robert:

The first step to answering a question like this is admitting the truth to yourself. Write it down, it doesn’t mean anyone else has to read it. I used to question my wife about those letters her clients wrote in therapy—the ones that were addressed to someone who would never read them, or were even dead. Then I came to see the value in transferring the words to screen or paper.