“I’m looking at anyone in the middleweight division to get myself back into (title) position,” Rockhold said. “I already let it be known Bisping’s out there. A lot of people are calling him out, but Bisping went on national TV and told everybody he was the unofficial Strikeforce champion. He calls it a joke and this and that, but I say he’s got bad taste and he needs to pay for it.”

(Luke and Costa face off in front of the wax replica of Dana White that the UFC has been sending to non-essential events. No offense, guys. At least you’re not on Fight Pass. / Photo via Getty)

Look, what can we tell you about UFC Fight Night 35 that we haven’t already expressed via dog GIFs? Luke Rockhold and Costa Philippou are a pair of highly-regarded middleweights who are trying to avoid a two-fight losing streak. Supporting their main event is a worthwhile list of TUF vets (Brad Tavares, TJ Dillashaw, Cole Miller, Sam Sicilia), a former flyweight title challenger (John Moraga), and a fast-rising knockout artist named Yoel Romero. It’s on cable TV, and early enough to watch while you’re eating your salisbury steak. Take it or leave it.

Handling our liveblog of the “Rockhold vs. Philippou” FOX Sports 1 main card is Matt Kaplan, who will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 7 p.m. ET / 4 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if you’re watching along with us, join the conversation in the comments section.

If you’re not familiar with MMAMania’s Jesse Holland, well, he’s kind of like the Gene Shalit or Pete Hammond of MMA writing, in that he specializes in pun-ridden “articles” with upworthy headlines that are usually bereft of any intellectual or comedic value whatsoever. I realize the irony in saying this just a day after writing an article composed mainly of dog gifs, but there’s a fine line between intentional absurdity and plain corniness (or creepiness) and Mr. Holland has dragged his ass along that line under the false guise of “MMA reporting” for far too long.

You see, when Jesse isn’t cramming as much loathsome and nonsensical puns into an article as humanely possible — puns like “Jugs, not drugs” (while discussing Miesha Tate’s breasts) or “cuckoo for Cuoco’s puffs” (on the Henry Cavill/Gina Carano split) — he’s probably penning alliteration-heavy headlines using sickening, pornography-based puns to lure in the middle school troglodytes who actually find his material humorous. He’s the Peeping Tom version of Eric Holden, essentially, but with a semi-respectable publication to back his self-masturbatory musings.

In any case, one of Mr. Holland’s favorite subjects to cover is that of UFC ring girl Brittney Palmer (or should I say, Brittney Palm-Her), who you might have heard hosts a web series called “Hot & Slow,” which itself is an incredibly lame pun. After reading Jesse’s most recent gag-inducing headline, “Brittney Palmer squirting on camera during FOX ‘Slow & Hot’ painting webisode” we (I) decided that someone had to put an end to his click-baiting agenda or at least call him out on it. Because while CagePotato may be a website that is 50% ring girl galleries and and 50% MMA reporting (okay, 60-40), we at least grant our readers the common courtesy of occasional subtlety.

So join us after the jump as we take a look back at 10 of the creepiest lines Holland has written about Brittney Palmer in the hopes that he will end this MMA charade and just get a job with OMG! Insider already.

Fertitta also went on to state in an interview with ESPN, “Maybe Georges didn’t understand the level of drug testing Nevada was doing. They are the ultimate authority that handles drug testing, medicals and everything else — and they are very capable.”

The first problem with Fertitta’s statement is that the UFC didn’t exactly embrace drug-testing when GSP tried to bring VADA into the mix. As UFC President Dana White stated, “It’s a little weird,” that St-Pierre wanted the enhanced testing. White went on to say that “He doesn’t have to do it, but I guess he wants to do it. What are you gonna do? Knock yourself out, Georges. Good luck.”

Clearly, that’s not the kind of “support” St-Pierre was looking for.

The larger problem is that when Fertitta says “they are very capable,” referring to Nevada’s athletic commission and drug-testing standards, it couldn’t be further from the truth. The current testing employed in Nevada is a joke, and here’s why…

Good news, Taters! Former MMA starlet Gina Carano is making her triumphant return to the world of television and all we can say is Hnnnnnng.

Carano, who is coming of a successful turn in Fast and Furious 6*, will guest star on the next episode of Almost Human, the future cop/Robocop buddy cop show on FOX. If the episode promo after the jump is to be believed, it looks like Carano will be playing an emotionless cyborg killing machine that has gone off the reservation…Haywire, you might even say. (*sad rimshot*)

Carano also has two projects currently in the works — In the Blood (a.k.a female Taken) and an untitled Adi Shankar project (a.k.a female Expendables). It’s always nice to see an old friend finding employment, but especially so when that friend is Gina Carano and that work involves corsets and fishnets.

The next episode of Almost Human airs February 3rd on FOX, so join us after the jump for a sneak peak.

“It bothered me enormously,” St-Pierre said (in a translation by MMAFighting.com). “That’s one of the reasons why I stopped fighting. Not really to teach them a lesson, because that would also punish me. I wanted to do something for the sport. I love the sport. I see the direction it’s going, and I don’t think it makes any sense. This is stupid.”

“I tried to do something to change the sport,” St-Pierre continued. “Unfortunately, there were other people, for different reasons, maybe for money, in fear of losing money, because if you canceled the fight because someone tested positive there are millions of dollars [lost]. Also, the sport’s image…If you start testing everyone, how many will get caught? I don’t want to say in public because I don’t want to accuse anyone, but the sport’s image will be hurt. Don’t forget, I have internal information. I’m an athlete. I know what goes on, so that disappointed me greatly.”

Later, St-Pierre described the UFC as a “monopoly,” and suggested that he wouldn’t return to competition until the promotion’s drug-testing policy was improved:

All 24 fighters competing on tomorrow’s Fight Night: Rockhold vs. Philippou card made weight at today’s weigh-ins, which went down at the Arena at Gwinnett Center in Duluth, Georgia at 4 p.m. EST.

Although the event got off to a smooth start, things took a turn for the worse during the main event staredown. For seemingly no reason, Philippou suddenly decided to blind Rockhold with a Three Stooges-style double eye poke (a signature move of his), causing the final Strikeforce middleweight champion to stumble off stage and knock himself unconscious. Stepping in to fight Philippou on extremely short notice will be Mayhem Miller, who promised to “Force-feed that Cypriot his own ass and then drag his assless corpse to the local cineplex” before launching into a series of robot and Batman sounds. Should be a hell of a fight.

That’s a lie. None of that happened. The full weigh-in results for Fight Night 35: Rockhold Miller Lucky Patrick vs. Philippou are after the jump.

On leaving MMA and coming back: “I took some time, I retired, I totally got away from it, and realized the love and the passion that I have for the sport is just undeniable. I realized I love it so much. And the way I am, I got real passionate and jumped right back in. I’ve been here training at Kings for about a year now, and I feel like a new fighter. I’m ready to get on out there. I’m entertaining some offers from some different leagues that are around the globe, and I’m just trying to find my home.”

On who he’d like to fight next [WARNING, MAYHEM AHEAD]: “I don’t know man, I would like to fight Stephen Hawking. I’d like to punch him out of his wheelchair, maybe get him in an armbar. He can’t defend. No one can defend. [*pauses, switches to Stephen Hawking robot-voice*] Ow. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Physics!“

In any case, the main point I outlined in the case against Straus vs. Curran III was that there was a far more interesting (and logical) matchup to be had: Straus vs. Pitbull 2. You see, not only had Patricio “Pitbull” Freire won the season 9 featherweight tournament in November with a first round TKO of Justin Wilcox (the third TKO win in his past 4 fights), but he remains the only man to defeat newly-crowned champion Daniel Straus in Bellator. Throw in the fact that Straus was utterly dominant in his victory over Curran just two months ago and you’d have to be a short-sighted nincompoop to rebook Straus vs. Curran III, right?

Wrong. Bellator booked it, and now Patricio Pitbull is pissed right the fuck off. Which can only mean that he will be forced to fight for Bellator for the rest of his natural life, Amen.