Welcome

Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: I am kind of sad... (Read 1313 times)

I have a mom who wants to live a champagne lifestyle on a tuna fish budget. She owes so much money and many people are upset that she still owes them almost a year later. She spends hundreds on food at the super market and then eats out at a restaurant. I mean she eats lobster and crab at the same time on the pier. Very expensive! She has been implying that she needs money from me for years. She is also $50,000 in debt on credit cards. I hate all this, but worse she is not speaking to me because we are moving into a new home. She tried to talk me into staying in this home, (after the second home invasion), so we can take out a loan on our home and give her money. Umm.... no. That was my answer. Now she won't even pick up her phone for me and has even blocked my house and cell numbers. This is my mom! She thinks I owe her for her taking me to the doctor when I was ill with HIV in the beginning. Yeah I learned how to take care of myself, but she also would tell my little sisters not to touch me or get to close to me. She trash talks about people and kind of makes them fear what she will tell others if they don't lend her money. I won't fall for it. She can retell people I am positive and I will just live my life the best way I can. Good thing I live 300 miles away from her and everyone else.

Yeah, families are difficult. When I had a brother and a sister, he used to say things like, "I wish my sister could find the men like my brother can". He was lazy and could insult us both with the same sentence. His wife could be depended upon to parrot it for years.

On a day not unlike any other

I sent my former brothers wife a picture of me and my fiance with a note... "Please tell my brother, I not only out married his sister but all 6 of his daughters as well". I haven't heard from these people in years.

My Mom died some 25 years ago on Christmas Eve, her illness was kept secret and the others agreed to not let me see Mom before she died. On my way to my parents house that Christmas, I stopped at a market, the clerk expressed her sympathy and I didn't know why yet. Mom gave each member of the family something of hers to remember her by. The family gave me a gun, I had never seen in my life and said she wanted me to have it. I guess you can see where I am going with this, my family put the FUN in dysFUNctional as your Mom does too and as we get older, we must take extra effort to not become our family. I am changing my surname from Beach to Outhouse but will be more cosmopolitan about it and pronounce it O'Thoosay. have the best dayMichael

You should start watching Suze Orman. You can get it automatically as a podcast with iTunes.Several times a year she takes calls and letters from children such as yourself, dealing with parent(s) who are poor money managers. The constant advice - tough love... You got to frankly put your thoughts out there to your mom. Say you love her but her inability to live on her income is NOT your problem... Offer support to get her a money manager. At least here in Switzerland, many city governments and the christian churches have free, or very low priced, courses for people constantly in debt and facing bankruptcy. I don't know the situation in your town, but you could make some calls around and see if there isn't some sort of support you could refer your mom to.

« Last Edit: July 04, 2013, 11:00:41 PM by mecch »

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I commend you for taking care of your family and realizing you cant begin to satisfy your moms debt of lifestyle .

Its clear she has a problem and if she ever accepts the help she needs to recover she will thank you for not giving in and squandering your future out of guilt . If she recovers it will be even harder on her if she has to deal with fact that her addictions brought harm on you and her grandchildren .

I'm sure you know every thing we have told you to be true already , but if you are ever feeling bad , sad or about to give in you can come back and read this thread and know you are doing what's right for your family .