Posted
by
ScuttleMonkey
on Monday February 12, 2007 @01:16PM
from the i-know-a-few-space-potatos dept.

gasmanpopey writes to tell us that sweet potato seeds sent to space as a part of China's Shenzhou VI mission are hitting the streets as a part of special Valentine's day meals. While supporters are trying to claim better flavor and better nutrition there doesn't seem to be anything beyond a pure novelty angle.

Heh, when I first read the summary, I thought they were saying that the seeds they sent into space were plummeting to Earth and hitting the streets. Then I realized that makes little to no sense and I need a coffee.

...are being overlooked by the naysayers. For those of you in the alternative foods community, it's quickly apparent as to how these space seeds will be superior to the earth bound ones on many levels.

1. Space is this really mysterious and amazing place that only a very small segment of the population have been to. Because of that, space has naturally mystical properties which are imparted to any object that leaves or comes into the earth's atmosphere.

2. Cosmic rays. Yeah, we get hit with cosmic rays on a daily basis, but not as much as you would in space. That simple fact alone means that anything that goes into space got more cosmic radiation induced and is therefore more spacey. The main reason we don't have that much of a bombardment of cosmic rays on earth is so that the bears don't get mutated into giant killing machines that go on a rampage throughout our city streets. I'm trying to work on a solution to this though because I'm bored.

3. Dark matter. You know when you look up at the sky at night and you see all that blackness between the various objects in the sky? That's dark matter. I think. At least that's what someone told me on the bus the other day. So when the seeds go up into space, they wind up going through vast clouds of dark matter which increases their dark matter content. I've heard that this can help aid digestion. So again another plus for space poptatoes!!

4. Space is a vacuum. While a lot of people are aware of this fact, what they tend to forget is that vacuums suck everything around them up. That means that space has a high concentration of matter in it and all that matter is bound to contain a lot of healthy nutrients in it for space potatoes to grow in. So when the chinese grew their space potatoes in the vacuum of space, they grew ultra-fast. Not only that, but there's also a lot of solar radiation in space which means that stuff grows at like one hundred times the rate in space as it would on good old earth.

5. The ancients knew of the secrets of space and used their hidden spaceships (the pyramids and the sphinx) to travel into space for high quality food cultivation. This is why people lived longer back then. People used to live to be like 900 years old and stuff. If you want more authoritative information on the subject, go rent the movie Zardoz. It tells you all you need to know about the ancients.

So I'd say buy these space potato seeds because they will improve your health, make you look better, allow you to "score", increase your intelligence and memory, and turn all fabrics in your house into rich Corinthian leather. There's going to be a run on the seeds anyway as soon as word gets out. At the very least, even if it doesn't work out, you'll be able to sell the seeds for an amazing return as they are guaranteed to become even more valuable than gold bullion.

Chinese space officials claim that after being exposed to cosmic radiation in space, the potatoes display unusual, even bizarre characteristics. "Some are as hard as a rock, while others are transparent. We've seen a few that can stretch to unbelievable lengths, and at least one that seems to undergo spontaneous combustion."

Asked if the resulting tubers were good to eat, they replied, "Oh yes! They make fantastic fries!"

I know you are cracking a joke, but the whole 'potatoe is not spelled with an e' is a scary example of revisionist history. The scary part is how quickly it took hold, and the entire population accepted a revision to history as fact. Before the whole Quayle incident, teachers, dictionaries and potato farmers (not all of them, but many) spelled potato with an 'e' at the end. It is scary that someone made a spelling mistake by saying that Quayle spelled the word wrong, and it was repeated by a bunch of reporters that also did not know how to spell, and withing hours history was rewritten. What Quayle did do wrong was not know that there was more than one accepted spelling. So, when he told the student that they misspelled potato, THAT was wrong.