Awards & Honors

Yesh, Right! I don't HAVE any "Awards & Honors" - so nominate me for something - I want one of those badge things to put here. I don't care what it is - make up your own award and give it to me. I'm not picky.

Endorsements

"I'm so tired of laughing until pop squirts out my nose and I have to change my underpants after every post."
-Lisa Ann

"Forget Lake Wobegone: I like hearing about Malone, where most of the children are below average, and half the adults are under arrest." - Mike

Our Kim she has a blog and she posts stuff about Malone
Of deadbeats, ads, and history, and things that she has sewn
Her husband has a Harley barn and eats while he is prone
Our Kim she is such a fucking bitch
Makes my ass itch
Our Kim she is such a fucking bitch
- Darkon (to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

Archive for September, 2007

I am catching up in AFCA. I missed AFCA. Since the Spector trial I have been deprived of AFCA, reading maybe 10 posts a day and responding here and there where I can. Now I can sit and leisurely read through everything I missed, learning and laughing along the way.

They are soon going to wish I was still preoccupied.

Especially when I finish the poodle skirt.

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

Charles Shaw Chardonnay, better known as “Two Buck Chuck,” beat hundreds of other wines and was named the top prize in a prestigious tasting competition in California….”

A Pigovian tax (also spelled Pigouvian tax) is a tax levied to correct the negative externalities of a market activity. For instance, a Pigovian tax may be levied on producers who pollute the environment to encourage them to reduce pollution, and to provide revenue which may be used to counteract the negative effects of the pollution. Certain types of Pigovian taxes are sometimes referred to as sin taxes, for example taxes on alcohol and cigarettes.

Britain’s Prince Charles surprised his wife, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, with an unusual gift on her 60th birthday — two sheep, the Daily Mail reported Saturday.

Young whales likely breach as a form of play or to develop their muscles. Adults likely breach in certain circumstances to transmit a message to members of their group. In fact, as breaching requires a significant amount of energy, a whale may breach to demonstrate its physical abilities; a very convincing signal. Less often, it seems that there are other explanations for breaching. It could be a technique to help cetaceans feed by stunning or scaring prey. It could be a good way of getting rid of external parasites. It could also be a method for inhaling water-free air in rough weather.

So what is so interesting about banana slugs!? Well, these slugs are hermaphrodites, which means that they can act as both males and females at the same time. When they mate, they insert their penises into each other at the same time. The unusual thing (in case you don’t find that unusual enough!) is that sometimes, but not always, when they finish mating one slug will chew the penis completely off the other, a process called Apophallation. Sometimes it happens that both slugs engage in chewing so that at the end of the mating encounter, both slugs are penis-less.

Geophagia, the practice of eating dirt, was once widespread around the world, dating back to philosopher Aristotle who observed Greek women eating clay, said Dr. Dennis Frate, a medical anthropologist at the University of Mississippi Medical Center.

Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live….”

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Forgive me father, for I have bored.

That’s why Lassie’s out of a job these days.

Sounds more like something you’d get from Sponge Bob Square Ass.

Does the nursing home charge for the Cat scan?

GUESS THE AFCA’N

I am not a binary-sexual.

“I scored a Bag of Crap on my very first try!”

I have money in mutual funds. I once rescued a cat from a tree. I’ve been reserving a few choice words for you. I have written data to a hard disc. One time I relief pitched in a baseball game and won!

I tend to kick ass at not selling stuff.

We weren’t allowed to play with matches; we could only kill things using our hands and feet.

Oh, it’s not the noise of the yowling and pooping – it’s all that damned purring outside that keeps me awake.

I’ve always thought I’d like Catholic heaven…smoking, drinking, all the bingo you could stand.

My father’s was the size of a smallish one today, maybe 3″ x 6″, and mine was narrower but a bit longer.

MOTTO’s

You know, this all made sense in my head…

Opera without words? That’s like sex without syphilis!

Never underestimate the power of horny.

Nowadays there’s never a Deep Throat when you need one.

People of -all- ages are self-absorbed little fuckshits these days.

Ball scratching and farting only get you so far

yer ‘tiny’ is bad

Dunk donuts, not kids.

Under the circumstances, this post was entirely unnecessary.

Attic fans are like living in Malone. Some swear by them, others swear at them.

AFCAN ADVICE

You can stop tasting your pee. Or you can stop sharing with us the fact that someone’s tasting your pee. Either way is good for me.

If you whistle too much, you’ll be too tired to pucker.

If you are in a position where “there aren’t a lot of options that don’t make you look stupid”, perhaps you’re in the wrong position.

INNOCENT QUERIES

How small do you have to be to fit in a fart joke?

Were the price of air greater, would you breathe less?

Hey, remember, when you had a tick on your nuts?”

“You are just silly” is an alternative viewpoint?

I found myself able to bear the cuteness. Does that make me a bad person?

if you had a tick on your scrotum and had the choices of rubbing Vaseline on it or setting it on fire, which would you choose?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Get a 7 year old boy. Then everything is a fart joke.

McDonald’s products should all be described as “foody.”

Besides, it must be true. I saw it on the Simpsons.

BAND NAMES

good jigger

Electric Shower

visited opprobrium

Demon Cat of Doom

ALBUM NAMES

preemptively surly

BELIEVE IT OR DON’T

Gently rubbing the tick with vaseline gives the tick the feeling that he is getting a massage. The tick relaxes from the body-rub with an audible little sigh, and releases its hold on the person. Everyone here in tick country knows about this.

AFCAN DISSERTATION OF THE WEEK

“Longitudinal analysis of behavior of self-adsorbed little fuckshits at Subway and Blimpies: Correlations with meal deals and Jarrod’s waistline”.