Ans: I grew up way too fast to register
a good childhood for myself, let alone be a childhood at all. When I started
toddling, I found myself surrounded by this concrete jungle where I live today,
amidst plastic bags that I use as pillows and beds. My mom had abandoned me,
rather disappeared and knocked down by the Kutta Killing Mafia. I tell you they
are vicious! Your human breed accuses our breed of not administering any birth
control but then who is the one creating heaps and mountains of garbage at the
corner and middle of every street for us to foster. That aromatic and cushy
space becomes our safe haven, thanks to you humans.

Anyway, coming back to my childhood, I
loved playing around with long forgotten balls discarded by kids and I still do,
and since there has never been anyone to play fetch with me, I do it with my wagging
tail. It has been my best buddy. Also, considering that it’s our innate
attribute, I like taking a leak on vehicle tyres and barking my way off at the
garbage sack party. In all this time I didn’t know that I grow up at such a
quick pace.

Q2.
What are your current obligations?

Ans. I’m a second time mom and this time
of a litter of 9 puppies. However, now I am left with 7 beautiful kuttay ka
bacchay; one just disappeared into thin air, the other was run over by a
moronic human so I don’t know whom to call a kutta (dog) … my own breed or this
guy who killed my gorgeous little puppy.

Q3.
Where exactly do you live and how do you ensure that food is taken care of?

Ans: I live near a cluster of offices
and schools for little human kids where the management rips their parents off
in the name of education. But considering I am a breed of dogs, I have no right
to comment on that.

My bedroom is under a car parked near the
apartment block while my puppies’ nursery is under another car opposite to my
bedroom. I like them to have their own space which is a much needed thing in
today’s time and age. And as far as the
food is concerned, you can see that I am badly malnourished, you can even count
my ribs with your human fingers that sometimes are reluctant to drop me food.
I, however, do not like your tandoori (oven) flatbreads as I mostly prefer
biscuits and meat other than rice maybe sometimes. There are some well-wishers who
bring me good food, one is a driver at an office located in one of these dying
shopping malls in Clifton, and a few are the blue collar workers of the sahib
loug (elite class). There is also a lady who works at a nearby PR agency, she
is the one who named me Brownie, she brings me food either while coming to
office or while going back home. When it’s my lucky day, she brings food both
ways. God has His own way of taking care of me.

You know this lady, when she comes empty
handed; I still catch her and embarrass her while jumping around her. I can
smell her. I have noted her timings. She smells extra good when she gets me
food and I love her. You should know that we dog community animals are loyal
individuals unlike some of you humans. Sorry I tend to get blunt sometimes. So
pardon my bluntness, you should know I’m a dog or most specifically a bitch.

Q4.
Are you ever bothered by humans in any other capacity than careless driving
that makes one of you a road kill?

Ans: I feel that if a human child’s parents
do not teach him or her to respect an innocuous stray animal how would that
person grow up to respect others around including humans? These are the basics.

Sometimes, some nasty kids throw rocks
at us yelling, ‘Who dekho kutta!’ (‘Look! A dog!’) and again I wonder who the
kuttay ka baccha really is seriously! Please learn to respect animals so that
you can also learn to respect those of your kind. May God have mercy on us all
in this capitalistic world.

As for some people riding motorbikes, I think
these people need to be fumigated THROUGHLY! Like very, very THROUGHLY! If you
know what I mean … they see traffic jams not to mention that they are the cause
themselves, and they pretend to be snakes, creating a side pathway that does
not exist in the first place. So they would drive their vehicle on the next
thing that would be on the road or maybe resting on the footpath. Having said all this, I love the people
around who care for me. I like to kiss them, lick them despite the fact that
they would run and wash their hands as soon as possible because they have been
touched by a napaak kuttiya! Just look into my eyes … all I have is love for
people … well who feed me! Just don’t anyone dare get me the tandoori stale
flatbread. Ok Thanks!

Q5.
Your husband doesn’t seem to be in the picture. Has it become a road kill too?

Ans: No, I don’t think so, like some
human husbands, ours are designed to abandon us and not live the rest of their
lives taking doggie selfies. They may be loyal to humans and are sometimes not
loyal to us puppy producing wives! I will comment no further on my kutta! Thank
you! Next question please.

Q6.
It’s been a great interview, Brownie. Do you have any message for people
around?

Ans: Oh of course! I don’t know where
you are or what you do but I will find you and will … ASK FOR FOOD! Please get
me food, oh pretty please. This is a plea from cute, dough eyed, highly
malnourished, stray dog of your vicinity. *starts shedding crocodile tears
because she knows whoever would want to bring food will bring food for her*