Monthly Archives: February 2017

Proverbs 3:5-6New King James Version (NKJV)5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.A long time ago I memorized this passage front the Bible, not knowing at the time how often I would recall it throughout my life. There are so many things of this world I do not understand but yet ponder "why?" It is human to ask "why?" and yet we learn that it is not ours to ask why but to trust.As I have watched the last three weeks unfold before my eyes, I see how great our God really is. I am but a speck of dust in the scheme of things. He does amazing things with people and in people's lives that is beyond human comprehension.As my son and I drove away from the hospital last evening from visiting David, I interrupted our chatter and threw up a praise to God; "Thank you [...]

In a sea of emotions, you begin to think of normal everyday things in ways that most people don't think about them. A bath that would normally be relaxing becomes an object of drowning and you can't go near it. Air that would normally calm becomes suffocating. A teddy bear and a Linus blanket lying on the floor become a welcomed rescue. After suffering major post-partum depression after my second son, panic attacks and depression creep in at the most unwelcomed times, even now 22 years later. We think we have a grip on the situation and yet the signs are all there. The heart palpitations, the body aches and pains, the mounting stress and yet you somehow ignore each sign. Then one day something triggers it. Today was one of those days. Pulling my hair back or up as I have lately has caused my scalp to be tender. This is always how my head gets when doing this. But today, I tried to pull my [...]

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own world that we are blind to the world around us. We get caught up in our own lives and situations that we forget to look about us and see the wonder God gives us and forget how truly blessed we are in the circumstances we are in. David's health has been front and center these last two and a half weeks. It has been a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, constant thinking about what is next and what the future holds. On the way to church David called me this morning to find out what I was doing. I explained I was just turning into the church parking lot and asked what was up. A very upset David explained his brain was bleeding and proceeded to go on a rant about the plans moving forward and when was I getting there to sort all of this out and set everyone straight and bring him home. A [...]

When you are in the heat of the moment, the flames are licking upward and all you think about is the next step forward to avoid the fire. As you go through a crisis, it is a well known fact that your adrenaline rushes and you move even when your body doesn't realize you need to rest. I think at this point the numbness has worn off and the beginning stages of exhaustion are setting in. David is healing very slowly but his patience and the ICU psychosis is getting the better part of him at times. He has discovered how to call me from his bedside and uses his iPad to send me text messages as well. I won't take him his phone because one can only imagine the trouble he might get into at this point. So many know his number and still others have no clue what has happened. He uses these means of communication frequently and freely, at all hours of the day [...]

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and My soul knows it very well." Psalms 139:13-14 NASB Each of us has been "wired" a specific way and according to God's word, our days have been set out before we were even substance. How intricately the body is made, each organ, each vein and vessel made to support our frame, our lifestyles and our heritage. Each of us are different in so many unique ways. When even one of the inner wirings of our body has been altered, it affects so many others. As I watch my husband's system recover from several of those wirings becoming backed up and stopping the flow of vital blood to the other organs, I see the intricacy first hand and look to God in amazement. How quickly an interruption of our inner wiring can cause such changes in our world. [...]

Life, it is a waltz of sorts. Steps of a waltz are in sequences of threes and in a box. Some days we take two steps forward, one backward and end up in the same box we started out in. A beautiful dance, beautiful costumes and beautiful people make it no more or less difficult. Anyone can waltz and most often we do it daily without realizing it. When a we are stuck in a box, we get claustrophobic, we search for breath, and we begin to get that "caged in" feeling. Two weeks ago this morning our lives were placed in that box and the steps of the Waltz began. We went forward, right, back and left and we are right back in the same box. The scenery changes as we move swiftly about the room in our box, but we are still left to dance in our own box. This journey has been a dance for us. We heard the music start, the partners were [...]

There is something extra sweet about sunshine after a cold rain. The warmth of the sun streaming through the clouds envelops you and sends the warmth right to the depths of your body. You feel a sense of being wrapped up, all warm and cozy. I arrived at work today and shared the news of the evening before. I felt a sense of hopelessness in the midst of everything. I explained to the staff most of what the doctor said and how it would probably be doubtful David would return to work ever. After all, that was the hope I was given in my conversation with the cardiologist. We spoke about plans to continue and how we would do it and set out to the tasks at hand. We would take one step at a time and give God the opportunity to show us the way. My earlier call to the nurse, as I do every morning after I get up was brief, as she was cleaning [...]

Happy Valentine's Day! The call this morning was good. Maria had cared for David all night during his confusion and being awake most of the evening. One can only imagine the confusion after a week of sedation and being out of touch. She also said that many who come out of the sedation are confused, have their days and nights mixed up and are up all night the first few nights. Today is Valentine's Day. I was excited to see David again today and Wilson and I had planned to go back again in the evening after my lunchtime visit with David. I was excited that he was off the vent tube and that today he would be talking a little better and be more awake! I am so glad I celebrated yesterday afternoon with my flowers and strawberries because today soon became a ride! I started early planning to go see David in the morning and then return later with Wilson to see David, wish him [...]

Beginning like every other day these past two weeks, the dogs needed taken out, the coffee was not yet in my cup and I had taken my morning probiotic and gulped water down. I hung over the Keurig as my hot Newman's Organic brewed and mused over the news I would receive this morning. Could they bring David's oxygen down to 50% today? Would he be more alert? Tuesday is Valentine's Day, would I be able to wish him the Valentine's Day that almost wasn't? With steady hand I hit the recent calls on my phone and at the top of the list from last night's late call was the number I have grown accustomed to. "Good morning, this is Tanya Hale checking on my husband, David Hale." Then the long pause. This morning it seemed like forever, but Tara was still on duty and answered, out of breath and chipper as ever. "He has done great over night! I just got done bathing him and he [...]

An absolutely beautiful morning to sit on the front porch with coffee and God. Unseasonably warm, upper 50's and a light breeze, sunshine abounds! I had called to check on David and his nurse reported that he had his bath, was somewhat coherent and nodding in answer to her questions. His nurse overnight confirmed that he remembers nothing of days prior to the moment he is in. His doctors had not been in yet, so little information was available except that he is the same. Just knowing he was awake and responding was encouraging enough for me! With coffee in hand and the early morning unseasonable warmth, I headed to the front porch, one of my favorite spots to be with God. This morning I was lead to begin reading through the Book of Ecclesiastes. Many times I will read different Bible versions and this morning I chose The Message version which is more like novel writing. After reading this version I compare the text to other [...]