Didn't really mean to post today, but I picked up the death certificate and was surprised to see that it was in his lungs as well. Dr Feelgood just said liver mets, and to feed him up a bit so he could have more chemo. If I had known about his lungs I wouldn't have tried to force-feed him butter and cream.

I've still got three-quarters of the butter and I threw the cream away last Monday.

Perhaps doctors don't want to admit defeat either ?

The kind messages on here have been rays of light in the general murk and gloom. Thank you.

I do think docs don’t always mention everything. When Rob told his surgeon on a 3 month check up that he still couldn’t eat much he replied “well of course I did take half your stomach away” which was the first we’d heard of it. This disease does often in the end spread widely. In the last week we both realised that the primary had come back but the death certificate wasn’t specific about where it had gone. Hope you are coping with all the paperwork and arrangements Mo. Xx

Oh Mo, so sorry. Not for the passing, we know it's going to happen, but for all you both had to go through.
I'm quite surprised about the lung mets and why it wasn't mention before. hope you have friends around you to help for whatever you need.
Lots of hugs
Pat

For Napoleon Bonaparte, or Alexander the Great, or possibly Genghis Khan, "4 o'clock in the morning courage" meant girding their loins, huffing on their weapons a bit, assembling their elephants or murderous hoardes (if applicable) and giving their assorted enemies a good vanquishing. Googlers or those who actually listened at school will no doubt enlighten us who the phrase really refers to

For me, "4 o'clock in the morning courage" means shuffling, eyes still closed, along to Peter's room to see if his blood sugar has sunk around his ankles and he's having a hypo. The newest variation on this theme is "5 o'clock in the morning tea", which means all of the above, and in addition the realisation that there is no need for any of it, so I might as well put the kettle on.

Having been TT for more than a year, I am now into tea. Not your actual chamomile or raspberry leaf, or prune & ginger or even topmost leaf of peppermint plant tea. I prefer tea that looks and tastes like builders brew, and to this end I have tried loads of different brands. Mostly supermarket own, with a few sorties into the Twinings shelf. Trouble is that most tea bags look alike after you take them out of their shiny bags and stick them in the jar so you can't tell which was which anyway.

Which is a long winded way of saying it's stupid o'clock in the morning and Boris is having a scratch and I'm having a cup of tea.

Enjoy your day folks. I'm going to have a 6 o'clock in the morning zizz.
X

Mo be thankful you don't live here my sister says the tea is p&ss weak and used to insist on dad bringing out commercial quantities of tetley in his case. Luckily they now stock it her in certain shops but the kids and I are not allowed to touch her stash!!
I hope you got that snooze x

Shortly After my first husband died I had sympathetic noises coming my way about how busy I must be looking after 3 children under the age of 6. But I didn’t feel busy at all because I no longer had to get up every 4 hours day and night to make juices (Gerson therapy) and all the other bits of looking after a terminally ill person. I well remember one time when I nearly fell over the banister in the middle of the night as I was so tired so I well remember that strange feeling when you suddenly don’t have to do it. As for tea I’ve stuck at PG tips. I stupidly tried a value brand recently and it tasted like floor sweepings which is probably what it was xx

Didge you made me realise I promoted the wrong brand. It's PG tips not Tetley that is the brew of choice. " It's the taste" apparently Mo in my mind Peter is a strong Highlander striding over the mountains exuding Sauvage - I hope he would approve of the image. X

I'm a PG tips sort of gal too...my mum buys cheapo supermarket stuff and it's awful...I also like it really strong with little milk...she likes it like milky p!ss.

When I emailed Mo the other day I said it's a strange, anticlimactic sort of feeling...I didn't know what to do with myself after so long trying to force feed someone and be at their general beck and call.