I've been going back and forth about blogging about this, mostly because it seemed too personal, too precious, too "mine" to share with others for awhile. But while I've treasured and savored the details for nearly 2 months, I'm also ready to s... Read more

I know I've been MIA lately. In all honesty, I've been depressed about my injury and living in chronic pain, seeing no light at the end of this tunnel. And I've regained 30# of the 80 I lost last year. Sucks. But only I did it. And only I c... Read more

Hello Sparkpeople friends! Just some reassurance that I am still here. :) I continue to struggle with my large abdominal hernia which has been deemed inoperable by 3 surgeons. This has taken my pain level way UP, and my activity level way DO... Read more

I haven't blogged for a while. Mostly because I have been very preoccupied with my health and just getting by.
As I've noted in a few status updates, my surgery was canceled due to an insurance authorization oops. I worked with the local ... Read more

Or "Happy Birthday" for that matter. As surgery is on Tuesday afternoon, I will be in the hospital and drugged pretty efficiently for both my husband's 45th birthday on Wednesday, and V-day on Thursday. Doesn't that sound fun and romantic? Read more

I saw the surgeon this afternoon. And after a lot of hemming and hawing about doing the surgery here vs. Seattle, he agreed. BARELY. Apparently he's the best hernia surgeon in town, but he said it's a very complicated and HUGE hernia (he call... Read more

I saw the doctor today about my hernia.
Bad news: Surgery is inevitable, and will be sooner rather than later. She wants me to see a surgeon this week, and a CT scan will likely be soon as well. Since I've had a life threatening bowel ... Read more

Weird, right? But yes! I'm having some anxiety about this.
Yesterday I was pretty down about my recurrent hernia and beginning the process of surgical consultation all over again. But after some prayer and emotional re-grouping, I am t... Read more

I'm so annoyed and frustrated right now. I have been so focused on getting the pannectomy surgery that I WANT that I have been avoiding a very real fact. I have a hernia. Again. That probably needs surgical repair. Again. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?! ... Read more

That has been running through my mind all day when I thought of the gym. "I don't wanna!"... like my 4 year old tells me about eating her vegetables.
Have you had those days? When you just don't WANT to eat well or go to the gym? Yeah..... Read more

Pretty slight, right?
Seriously, though, today the thought, "is she smoking crack?" passed through my mind a time or two.
First, I let my 4 year old play with the camera today while I was prepping some veggies. She captured a few ... Read more

For the past week or so, the serenity prayer has been going through my mind. A lot. At really random times. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict. The only AA meetings I've ever attended were during college as requirements for my social work c... Read more

I haven't been very good about taking monthly photos for the last 5 or so months, but I did take them today. And while looking at them, I couldn't help but compare it to a year ago.
At 310#, I was still quite a bit smaller than my highes... Read more

This morning I met with a plastic surgeon regarding a pannectomy. I can not even express how anxious and nervous I was! After decades of feeling like people judge my physical appearance and find me lacking, I was a wreck about what this one m... Read more

Yes. Today, for the first time since my teen years, I had FUN at the mall. I was excited to look at styles and colors. Happy to use my coupons to get some good deals. And a miracle happened.... I left the mall feeling FANTASTIC about myself.... Read more