I have been at DMCH for the last 3 days,with my ailing grandmother.All the time in the ward,people have died, I've seen dead bodies taken away,I have heard the cries,But I have not seen it.Today it came,loud and clear.Clear and close.Close and awakening.Awakening and shaking the inner bases. The patient admitted at two beds away had been in critical condition right from the start. The doctors have said that the chance of survival is very low. We all saw him,knew this. Still, when the moment came,it came with a message renewed. We are all but a single breath away from death.A single beat of the heart separates us from being a human to being a dead body.A single pulse is all that it takes for death to grasp me.Yes,I am close to death,closer than I might think.I saw the elderly person taking his last breath,I saw him inhaling the polluted air of Dhaka city for one last time,I saw his bare chest,which has been throbbing like a drum,throb for one last time.Before I knew it,he was finished.Doctors came,tried to bring back the heart beat that would never appear on that green screen attached to his body through probes,relatives gathered around,some emotionally broken,some masking the emotion.Then they declared him dead.The body was covered,and the relatives left for the lobby to cry,to vent the inherent emotion,whatever it was, love or anger or fear, vent away,washed by the tears.The body is of no need to them,they will get rid of it as soon as possible,they'll bury it as soon as possible.Yes,its only a breath that separates me from the muddy surroundings of earth,one heartbeat that makes me a neighbor of insects and underground animals,one pulse that separates me from breathing the air.

I live by the graveyard,I have seen so many graves,rows of them,one after another,one grave over another,some with nameplates,some without,yet the realization came so harshly, that I will join them one day.I knew it all along, but the old man,whose name I do not know,reinforced it with so much a force, just like a tidal surge hitting a village which was forewarned. It knew the surge would come,yet,those who see the village after the surge can never forget the devastation.I was 4 when the cyclone in 1991 hit,ant yet I remember the day after the cyclone night.Its just unforgettable.

Now I know one thing.

I know How I want to die.

It's going to come,so better die in a situation I'd prefer.

First of all,I want to die with Iman,I want to die with my Master satisfied with me.I want to die when I am still an able person,who can do his daily chores. Being dependent on others is one thing I want to forget.Better if I Die while I'm still walking.There were persons all around the ward,unable even to move themselves.I dont want to get to this position.Then,I want to die with honor.There are many kinds ,many forms which death will assume,I want it in a way that would suit a honorable person.I want my dead body with people who love me,I want to die in the presence of people who love me,I want to be prayed for,I want to be placed in the graves by people who'd care for me.I want a person who loves me to lead my namaz-e -zanaza,for love and emotion is the biggest thing that brings out prayers from the heart.And Yes,I want to have a Namaz-e-Zanaza.I dont want to be bewarish-La-warish,deserted to anjuman e mufidul islam,to a nameless grave.I want my beloved one's to pray by the side of my grave.One more things,I don't want monetary debts following me to my grave,I should be able to repay them before I die.And,I want to be happy before I die,I want to be grateful for the life I have lived,for the opportunities I've been presented with,for the successes that have been bestowed upon me,for the failures that strengthened me,for the Love I've got,I want to be satisfied with the legacy I live behind,I want to be satisfied with the generation I live behind.

From now on,when I pray,I'll pray for a death like this.We pray for important parts of my life,then why not plan and pray for one of the most important parts,the end and the beginning?
After all,All's well that ends well.

there are some more conditions,some minor,some very important,some less,that I'd keep to myself.

To Allah We Belong And To Him We Shall Return
Inn- Lillahi Wa Inna-Ilaihi Rajiun

Edit:I've made a mistake,wrote days instead of beds,the patient who died is no relative of me.My grandmother's condition is improving,please pray for her.

Tigers_eye

December 10, 2007, 01:22 PM

The path we are in is not the path we desire to be. Forgive us all.

Nasif

December 10, 2007, 01:48 PM

Guide us in the right path;
The path of those whom You have blessed, not those who have incurred the wrath, nor the misguided.

Hatebreed

December 10, 2007, 01:51 PM

We face certain death, but all death is certain. We may not know how, when, where it will come, but we can do our best to be a good person in life and at least die with a peace of mind.

I pray to Allah for your grandmother's quick recovery.

Mohiul

December 10, 2007, 01:55 PM

Guide us in the right path;
The path of those whom You have blessed, not those who have incurred the wrath, nor the misguided.

The path we are in is not the path we desire to be. Forgive us all.

It's going to come,so better die in a situation I'd prefer.

First of all,I want to die with Iman,I want to die with my Master satisfied with me.I want to die when I am still an able person,who can do his daily chores. Being dependent on others is one thing I want to forget.Better if I Die while I'm still walking.There were persons all around the ward,unable even to move themselves.I dont want to get to this position.Then,I want to die with honor.There are many kinds ,many forms which death will assume,I want it in a way that would suit a honorable person.I want my dead body with people who love me,I want to die in the presence of people who love me,I want to be prayed for,I want to be placed in the graves by people who'd care for me.I want a person who loves me to lead my namaz-e -zanaza,for love and emotion is the biggest thing that brings out prayers from the heart.And Yes,I want to have a Namaz-e-Zanaza.I dont want to be bewarish-La-warish,deserted to anjuman e mufidul islam,to a nameless grave.I want my beloved one's to pray by the side of my grave.One more things,I don't want monetary debts following me to my grave,I should be able to repay them before I die.And,I want to be happy before I die,I want to be grateful for the life I have lived,for the opportunities I've been presented with,for the successes that have been bestowed upon me,for the failures that strengthened me,for the Love I've got,I want to be satisfied with the legacy I live behind,I want to be satisfied with the generation I live behind.

From now on,when I pray,I'll pray for a death like this.We pray for important parts of my life,then why not plan and pray for one of the most important parts,the end and the beginning?
After all,All's well that ends well.

there are some more conditions,some minor,some very important,some less,that I'd keep to myself.

To Allah We Belong And To Him We Shall Return
Inn- Lillahi Wa Inna-Ilaihi Rajiun

AAMIN

nsd3

December 10, 2007, 05:32 PM

May Allah cure your grandmother soon. Ameen.

Antora

December 10, 2007, 11:19 PM

wow! i am speechless!:-|

may allah cure your Grandmother soon.

MohammedC

December 10, 2007, 11:58 PM

Shafin, I pray to allah for your Grandmother to get better

Banglatiger84

December 11, 2007, 01:19 AM

Good post, may Allah help your grandmother recover soon, Ameen.

I went to my Nani's grave last year twice during my vacation in Dhaka (2 consecutive fridays).

The first Friday, there were 4-5 graves after her's, the next Friday there were 8-9, i.e. around 4 people passed away and were buried in the space of one week, that sent a shudder in my spine. I am sure none of those 4 deceased souls knew the previous Friday that they would be in a grave in one week. ........

Alien

December 13, 2007, 08:02 AM

I have heard of those freaky wards. Makes you wonder when is your time. Thats where we all will end up either for an autopsy or in dying condition.

But no it doesn't scare me. No point being scared of something thats inevitable. It's what's beyond that freaks me out.

Kabir

December 30, 2007, 04:37 PM

I haven't seen it closely, but for the first time in many years, I've lost a dear one.

My daadi past away this morning...couldn't see her coz she's in BD. Hope that she will be one of Allah's favorites. Always prayed...this family owes her a lot. She educated her 3 sons...made 2 engineers, and one a pharmacist.

I hope there's no more deaths in my family anytime soon. I'm afraid my ailing dada is to follow soon...they've been married for over 65 years now.

May Allah forgive the deceased.

Orpheus

December 30, 2007, 04:50 PM

ameeen!

Mav

January 1, 2008, 08:47 PM

I thought you were going to write an extraordinary experience, but your post was rather emotional. Many of us have seen/know what you have seen/written, no need to write millions words on that.....I have seen somebody dying within seconds while i was standing all well right next to him, couldnt do anything.

We all know those magic phrases like - "one breath away", "one pulse away"....so dont waste your time. Since you know you will die one day, live every moment you have now and win death everyday.