One of the reasons I wanted to live on my own was to see clients at my place and hold mini workshops. I’m so grateful today I’m able to do this 😍

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Last year had a lot of grief for me. At some point it was so intense that I thought I won’t go back to my old joy. I even made peace with not feeling ecstatic or excited about life again. I surrendered to it. At the time, Aaron said something wise as he always does. He said that I won’t go back to my old joy, but I’ll have a new joy that has so much more depth as I’ve gone way into the other side of the spectrum. . Yesterday evening, I felt that joy during Goddess Circle which I held at my place. It’s a more grounded joy rather than an overexcited and erratic one. It felt alive and I felt totally ok losing this joy again. In that moment, I felt grateful for every single tear, every single loss, every single dark moment. I looked up and saw the word “joy” on this cushion I have. . Another thing was seeing once again, whether it’s 1 woman, 2 women, 30 women there, the number doesn’t mean anything. Even if one person shows up and receives something out of it, I’ve done my job ❤️ . The next Goddess Circle is on the 28th Jan. 1 space left. Link to book ✨ https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3914294 . The next Freedom Through Breath is on the 31st Jan. * SOLD OUT *

It’s a butterfly that was flying around at my dad’s funeral 1.5 months ago. It was there for 20 minutes, even when it was raining a little. . I love how when butterflies come out from the cocoon, they actually need to rip the cocoon themselves to strengthen their wings. If you go and rip it for them, they die. It’s in the hardship they strengthen their beautiful wings. . I like having a tattoo as a ritual, to have an intention that will go into it and will remind me every time I look at it. . This one’s about many things. It’s about the hardship that makes you beautiful and who you are when you surrender. It’s about my dad’s love and presence as well as my masculine love and presence being with me. It’s about not needing validation from men anymore. . I have a low pain threshold and it hurt like hell. So I kept repeating the words like mantra, strength and grace, empowered action, new beginning, masculine love and presence ✨ . Thank you Andrea Giulimondi Tattooer for the beautiful art 🙏🏼 . Here’s to a new beginning. It’s time to fly ✨ . Loads of love to you ❤️ . .

I’m on my way to the event now, feeling grateful and chilled for once actually 😃

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The next one will be on the 20th September, Thursday. Make sure to book your place in advance so you can join us 😘 . Here’s the link to book your place: .https://m.bpt.me/event/3600217 . Have an awesome, magical evening 🙏🏼 .

Being yourself sometimes can be the hardest thing to be. You might feel you need to control yourself, you’re not allowed to be yourself, that’s just too risky.

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You might feel you need to be a certain way to receive love. You can’t rock the boat or create too much conflict, you need to do what you’re told and be a good girl/boy.

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Or you might feel you have to accommodate poeple and make sure they’re not uncomfortable. So you prefer to keep the peace and sacrifice being you once again for the sake of keeping everyone happy.

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So what do you do?

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You sacrifice being yourself in order to be in control, in order to receive love and in order to keep everyone happy.

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The truth is by controlling yourself, you loose touch with your true self and when it comes to being yourself you might be clueless in what that feels like.

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And when you do receive love, you’re receiving that love to the masked version of you. Still you feel unloved because it’s not you they’re loving, it’s the rundown version of you. And still, everyone’s not happy, it’s never enough.

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And when you make other people uncomfortable when you’re yourself, you’re just showing them something they’ve been avoiding and they don’t like facing it. You’re actually serving them.

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I’m great at being a chameleon. I enter a room, scan the energy of the people, listen to the words they use, the way they move and quickly calculate how I should be there to not create too much of a contrast. I used to do this a lot to fit in. Now I do it to connect with people and really feel and see who they are, not to change my way of being around them. And I still fall back into it some days. I catch myself saying things I wouldn’t normally say and go, ‘who dis?’ and come back to myself 😃

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Two weeks ago at Boom festival, there was a woman I was dancing with for a bit. In the end she came up to me saying, ‘You’re so powerful and beautiful. You have so much strength. You activated something in me. I’m going to do my best to pass it on. Thank you so much. ’

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I had to have her repeat it to me as I wasn’t sure how she got all of that by me just dancing around. Then again, I saw it. By your way of being, by just being you, you can show people so much without even trying.

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Here are few ways to come back to yourself when you’re loosing touch with being yourself:

- Close your eyes, take a deep breath.

- As you exhale imagine you’re sending off anything that’s not you, all the beliefs, energies people might have put on you.

- As you inhale, imagine you’re gathering back all your energy, power you mught have given to people. Imagine you’re becoming whole as you inhale, feeling whole and complete.

- Ask yourself, ‘What would I do in this moment, if no one I knew existed?’ ‘Who would I love to be?’

- Go and do that, be that.

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When you see someone who are themselves unapologetically, they don’t have to explain you who they are. You just know it, feel it from their way of being.

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I haven’t mastered this btw. I have days where I’m being me and loving who I am. Then I have days I doubt if I should wear my feather earrings to that formal dinner. But then I do 😉

I’m on my way to Avebury now, going to Swindon first. I said to the woman who was giving me this coffee who reminded me of my mum’s eyes, ‘You have incredible beautiful eyes.’ She lit up and said, ‘I wanted to tell you the same. They’re beautiful.’ We held our eye gaze for a bit, I felt the love, such an amazing feeling, to connect with another woman for a moment, whether you know her or not. Then she gave me the coffee for free ❤️

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Always choose kindness ✨ And of course don’t use it to manipulate people to get your way 😂 (More on the Integrated Feminine Retreat later)

Yesterday I went to Gabrielle Bernstein’s talk about her new book ‘Judgment Detox’.

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I love this woman and her energy so much and I love how she’s able to get her message across from the truth. One thing she said about storytelling was ‘You write from a language that’s not triggering so you can serve the highest’. In a way, translating the language so that it can be received, I love that!

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In her book, there are 6 steps to rise above judgement:

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1. Witness your judgment without judgment ✨

You accept the fact that you’re judging and sit with how it makes you feel, how you might be justifying yourself for judging and what experience from your childhood is being triggered.

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2. Honour the wounds that live beneath the judgment ✨

Allow yourself to feel the core wound that is being triggered in this experience, be with it. You might even have a chat with your inner child, make sure that little boy/girl feels safe.

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3. Put love on the altar (through prayer) ✨

Ask for guidance and willingness to make a new choice coming from love. Example of a prayer, ‘I’m open to higher consciousness, I’m ready to receive higher guidance.’ Or ‘I choose to judge nothing that occurs.’ Last one kinda gives your power away to judging by focusing on, you’re fixing it from the level you created it, so I’m not sure about that one.

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4. See for the first time ✨

See the person through the lens of love for the first time, see their beauty, what you admire about them, see who they truly are beyond their mask.

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5. Cut the cords ✨

Imagine there are energetical cords between you and this person, that is weighing you down, that is not love. Imagine you’re cutting them so there’s pure love now.

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6. A willingness to forgive ✨

Forgive the person not because what they did was right but because you no longer want to hold onto them, letting go of the judgment and willing to forgive so you can be free.

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I didn’t read the book and didn’t know about the process until yesterday evening.

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The interesting thing is on my way to the talk with my friend Steve, I was talking about Aaron, how it hurt me seeing him with someone so soon etc (I was judging). Whilst judging I knew it was a part of me that feels unloved and lonely that was getting triggered, it wasn’t personal. He felt it and I asked him if he can cut cords between me and Aaron as we both felt the heaviness. So he did.

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Cutting cord doesn’t have to be a massive ceremony just the intention would do, he did it with his hand like a cutting gesture and I felt something leaving me. I cried a bit, usually a great indication something shifted 😃 In a way went through the whole 6 step process there and then ✨

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Noticing yourself judging, bringing it back to what it triggers in you, acknowledging that and coming back to love can happen within seconds really. I’m constantly doing this as it comes up.

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A part of me thinks, ‘Jeez I’ve been working on myself for a while now, there’s STILL stuff to work on.’ Accept the fact that if you’re committed to live your truth, there will always be, but you feel so much more freer and happier on the other side 😉

This has been something I wanted to do for a while now, to get rid of all my architecture stuff. That’s what I studied 5 years ago. Then I worked in few places then realising I really don’t like doing it. So I stopped.

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Yesterday I googled, ‘how to burn stuff in the garden’ and bought an incinerator bin this morning, one of those metal bins you can burn things in. I took a Uber to Amanda’s place where we did the fire. The Uber driver was asking me (turned out to be a stunt man who is a dive master, kickboxer, free runner, professional gymnast lol), why I wanted to burn them instead of throwing them away. Good question 😍

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I first got the idea after doing a breathwork, it came to me super clear, ‘burn your architecture stuff’. I was like, wow ok I’ll do that. There’s something very cleansing about fire, I believe burning something ceremonially frees you from it. Every time I moved houses, I was carrying them with me which was pointless and felt heavier and heavier.

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Studying architecture is not a walk in the park. ‘I have so much work to do.’ was the normal thing you hear in a stressed out studio. The first 2 years, I was super lost. I didn’t really understood how anything worked, I experimented a lot to see what worked for me. One of the things I tried was flipping my sleeping cycle for a month to work at nights - terrible idea.

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I wasn’t sure if this was what I wanted to do later on anyway. Questioning something back and forth while at the same trying to succeed at it, takes a lot of energy. You can’t move forward doing that. Final year, I told myself, ‘You know what, this is my final year. I’m not going to question this anymore. I’m going to put my absolute best into this year, graduate, then figure out the rest later.’

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So I did that.

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For a whole year, I didn’t have a social life or a partner (slight crush in the end of the year as a perfect distraction). All I did for myself was writing 3 pages every morning as part of the Artist’s Way book. Then studio all day, all night until 2am.

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Towards the end, I really missed going out as I loved dancing while I was out. My housemate at the time told me, ‘You can put your headphones on and dance in your room.’ I thought, what a great idea, I gave it a go. It was bliss, pure bliss. Every night between 2-3am I would dance out the day in my room after studio, go to bed at 3am then wake up at 7am and do the whole thing again with occasional sleep ins.

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The biggest lesson architecture taught me is showing up no matter what. I showed up for 3 years doing something I wasn’t passionate about. It showed me, well if I can do that without enjoying it, I can absolutely nail the things I enjoy no matter how scary they might feel at times. I had a proof of it working basically, I can make it work again.

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There’s a beautiful quote by Steve Jobs, ‘You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.’

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My dissertation was called ‘Architecture as a form of meditation’ - looking at places to meditate all around the world, what makes them a better place to meditate in etc.

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First year, I did a project on circus skills - I always admired circus artists, did pole dancing after graduating and will soon start doing aerial silks 😍

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Third year, I designed a kindergarden/art school for children - When I accepted that I didn’t want to do architecture, I worked in a school looking after kids until I find out what I want to do, I loved being with them at the time. I feel like there’s more to come about this one in the future 👩‍👧‍👦

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Throughout the projects, I used body, movement a lot in the concept and danced every night - I didn’t know 5rhythms or ecstatic dancing existed back then, I was just releasing and moving emotions out of my body. Now I guide movement/dance in my workshops.

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Sometimes I find people making a huge deal out of finding your purpose. It’s always there. You’re looking at it, you’re doing it in some form or another. It’s what brings you alive, something that you would do anyway even if you weren’t paid for.

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I used to walk around in the studio, talking to people comforting or motivating them. People would come to me when they were stressed. Helping them get out of that place brought me so much more joy than doing drawings.

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It took me a whole year to fully let go of architecture to move forward with coaching, healing and workshops. It took me another year procrastinating throwing away all the work and carrying them with me every time I moved houses 😊 Today I finally let go of all of that physically, only kept dissertation and final portfolio as a souvenir from that time.

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It’s such a good feeling when you do things you keep putting off no matter how small or big they are. Thank you for the beautiful ceremony Amanda 💛

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What can you physically get rid of this week?

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Something that is already long gone to you, but you’re holding onto it physically. Would love to hear it in the comments below 😍❤️

I feel super excited about what’s to come 🙌🏼 I want to share one of the things he shared with us.

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He shared his ‘what if’ game, you go with scenarios asking what if. It’s a great freeing exercise to do, it opens up the rigidity and allows you to let go of control, because its just a game 😉.What can happen is because you imagine different possibilities, you might like one of them and go for it. It reaches a point where you become clear in what you want and you wait until it becomes true to take action. That’s how you do a lot less to get a lot more done. Give it a go and see what comes up 🙌🏼.These are regular momentum workshop of the SuperGenius community I’m part of. They do various training to connect you to your intuition and create what you love..After many workshops I did, 2 years ago this was the final one that made me go, ‘Ok I’m going to have my own business leading a movement to empower women.’ That’s when diploma in transformational coaching, workshops, sessions etc came into my life..The best part of it is you stay connected with people who are true to themselves creating what they want in their lives ✨.They have a free introductory event in London 5th May 10am-4pm. Book below for your place ❤️.https://sz142.isrefer.com/go/UYG-1day-Workshop/a8465.Loads of love to you 🌻.

Last week I went to a breathwork ceremony with Aaron and we felt inspired to hold another breathwork workshop. So we are doing another Freedom Through Breath on the 15th Feb, Thursday 7-9pm 😍

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This is a beautiful opportunity to let go of the mind and come back to the body to listen to its wisdom. You will let go of stuff you no longer need through breathing..Come and join us for this powerful journey ✨ Feel free to invite friends who you feel might be interested 🙏🏼.https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/freedom-through-breath-a-bre….Loads of love to you ❤️.

This incredible humanbeing cuchira (on instagram), she expressed her art again, her movmeant class. Thank you for being you, your art, your love and energy.. She's so real that it brings out the realness, rawness in everyone ❤️

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At times I was on the floor, crying weeping, at times jumping moving around, connecting moving with others. I had a super honest time with myself, feeling everything I'm feeling, not pretending, just being with me..You can't be one way all the time. You have so many parts of you. You have ups downs. Sad, sexual, happy, expanded, joyful, liberated, stuck, angry, shy, contracted, its all you. Because you're human, raw and beautiful as you are. You have your darkness and lightness. The darker you can go, the lighter you can get. The lightest people I met are the ones who went into the depth of their darkness and they're beautiful ❤️.I had moments where I was hugging myself and just felt pure love for myself. It's empowering you know, when you give yourself the love you always wanted from others, then you don't keep people around you responsible to love you. You don't resent them for not doing that. Because you're receiving all the love from you and if more love comes to you, its great its extra on top of it 😍.She was saying in the end, Go into forest, what would you do if no one existed? Shout, scream, whatever. Do that. What if you always did what you wanted instead of what everyone else wants?.As I'm writing this on the bus, I saw a sign says 'lighthouse'. It makes me remember, you know what you need. You're your own guide, your own healer. You know what to do for yourself. Allow yourself to feel it all, give yourself permission. When you go into the depths of that sadness, anger, shame that joy, whatever it is, you'll see that you're free and beautiful as you are✨.Wishing you a beautiful weekend in this 'kinda raining but not really' weather 😃🌧.Love you 💙.