Tag: dealing with rejection

Today, as I was driving home from a friend’s house, two birds—flying in tandem—slammed directly into my windshield—dropped from the air. I couldn’t have avoided the collision if I were Svengali. I looked from my rearview mirror to see them both flop to the street. My heart sunk.

I heard myself murmur, “Huh, two birds with one car!”

I wasn’t trying to be funny. Sometimes, though, when something outrageously horrible happens, my faux Turrets disease, comical side pops out to keep my mind from dwelling on the terrible present. This was the case.

I drove down the street bewildered. Why on earth would God allow two precious little sparrows to be killed by my car in that moment? I didn’t like the Now. In fact, I hated it, and I was a little angry at God. So, I tried to think of the lesson that those beautiful creatures were trying to teach me sacrificing their lives. The lesson must be huge, because it had my utmost attention.

My lesson yesterday had been about rejection. I still had been dwelling on it a lot lately. I found myself telling a client that, sometimes when you are in a secure relationship, old behaviors rise up to be healed, because you feel as if you are in a safe place for growth. Perhaps, this is the case.

I asked Spirit to help me understand what else I would be killing off if I attended to easing my anxious obsession about rejection. I didn’t get an answer right then. When I arrived home, I had about twenty chores I wanted to accomplish before my first client. I wanted to help out a friend and cut his grass. After that, I scurried around the garden and about the house making my special sausage sauce with homemade pasta, pizza dough to keep refrigerated for 3 days (my secret), pizza sauce, changing the filter in the pond, watering plants, pulling out weeds, and running the sweeper. Those were the main chores. I had more energy than normal.

I noticed, after my four hours of running around like an aerobics teacher and before my shower, I noticed that I had lost two pounds since the morning, and that was even after I had eaten breakfast. I was pretty stoked about that. I’m almost down to my fighting weight. (Could that be the killing two birds with one stone?)

As I sang opera in the shower, I began to think about the great day gay men and women from all over the US had yesterday. Our struggle to get the government to treat us like first class citizens had been validated. Allen and I went to a party at Tribe last evening to celebrate. So many people were jubilant and excited about what this Supreme Court decision meant for the future of our lives.

I, in particular, have never really considered all the implications of what it would be like to be married to a man and have equal benefits as my straight friends, family, and neighbors. I felt even more secure about the future than ever before. Soon, I want to settle down with a partner and make a commitment for life.

Maybe this entire scenario about ridding my life of my rejection issues is about preparing me for a wonderful future with a mate who I can commit to for the rest of my life.

Perhaps the message on the windshield this morning was this: If you are strong enough to face your worst fears of rejection, you will also become brave enough to love with abandonment, security, and longevity!

I like it. Thank you, birds!

One more thought: maybe feeling something as rejection so deeply isn’t such a bad quality. The more I consider the purpose of the now, the greater I can feel it. Then—the key to this issue—is to release what ever feeling it is to God and to the greatest good! Otherwise, you may end up dwelling in that negative space for far too long and end up in a depression. We don’t want that.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

When I look back in my life, every time I have been rejected, whether it be for a job, a show, a relationship, or a friendship, it has always been perfect direction toward something more permanent, more lasting, and better for me.

Rejection is a hard word for everyone. We hate it. No one likes to be told that he/she isn’t right for something or someone. It hurts like hell. In fact, it is probably one of the worst hurts we can feel.

The reason is most of us desire to have close relationships. We desire to be liked and appreciated with every bone in our bodies. So, when we are told that we don’t live up to someone’s standards or that someone else was better qualified, it makes us just want to crawl under the bed and hide. It certainly does to me.

But I’ve been thinking about how negative the word rejection is. I’ve been wondering why, even though I know inside that it is God’s direction, I have let my life be controlled by rejection. I want everyone to love me. I want everyone to be my friend. I want to be considered and hired for everything I audition for.

It’s what’s known as Anxious Attachment. The need to be loved and held at close proximity is in my neuro pathways.

When I was a child, my mother left my father at a young age. The person who provided the most loving and caring in my life, left without a trace. She sent me to the candy store. When I came back home, she was gone with all her belongings.

I had five brothers and sisters who she sent to the swimming pool. I felt sick to my stomach and didn’t want to go. I knew something was out of the ordinary down in my soul. I was thwarting her plans to escape without detection. However, she wooed me away by asking me to go to the store—the store that would take me a half an hour to get to and from it.

I felt responsible. I understood in my child mind that I was the one who could have kept my mother at home, had I not been so interested in candy. I had my chance and I didn’t take it. This left a scar in my brain that has kept me anxiously attached to just about everything.

Of course, I would initially pick as a profession—acting, singing and dancing in NYC. This path was rife with rejection. I never got used to it. I finally decided to move to Nashville, record a Christian album and write books.

What happened was that I thought Christianity would be a buffer for rejection. When I discovered that the Christian music industry was worse than the secular one, I was even more disoriented. Then with writing books, you just spend a year of your blood, sweat and tears churning out a 400-500 pages only to find—you guessed it—rejection again.

I’m not saying that I didn’t have times of acceptance. I have had great successes, which I am very thankful for. But I begin to wonder if this entire journey has been about resolving this one issue—REJECTION!

When I use logic and reasoning, I see that rejection is only God’s direction. If I believe firmly in the concept that God and Spirit are steering me into the place I need to go where I will be aptly blessed and learn tremendous life lessons, there is no other way to look at this truth.

However, if I have an anxious, disoriented, or avoidant attachment in my life, this is the only autonomic response that acts in the body without reason or thought. It is alive like having your own active volcano inside. When you get triggered, there is little to do but let it come out and feel it.

However, I have been using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitation Reprossessing) to change the patterns and the amount of time I stay disoriented and sad. The system works.

I’d be happy to help you with it and hypnosis, if you are dealing with some pain of this nature. It’s almost miraculous if you can find yourself strong enough to take a different pathway in those times of disorientation or anxiety.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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The Buddhists believe that: All human life is as a person getting into a boat—on a voyage. However, the vessel has one small hole at the bottom, giving the journey an inevitable end. This belief is not tragic, but authentic. It is realistic and conventional. The boat of human life will eventually sink. It has […]

The Hummus House Vegan/Vegetarian Restaurant Menu I recently got a gift certificate for my birthday for this quaint restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. (900 NE 20th Ave., Fort Lauderdale, FL 33304) When my husband and I arrived, the first impasse was that there was no free parking. In my estimation I always have to factor in time […]

I had an epiphany after many years of meditation. Learning to quiet my mind has never been as difficult for me as for some of my clients. Even so, I have discovered an even easier way than ever before. I’m floating in the ethers in minutes now. I want to share this process with my […]

Meta

The Buddhists believe that: All human life is as a person getting into a boat—on a voyage. However, the vessel has one small hole at the bottom, giving the journey an inevitable end. This belief is not tragic, but authentic. It is realistic and conventional. The boat of human life will eventually sink. It has […]

The Hummus House Vegan/Vegetarian Restaurant Menu I recently got a gift certificate for my birthday for this quaint restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. (900 NE 20th Ave., Fort Lauderdale, FL 33304) When my husband and I arrived, the first impasse was that there was no free parking. In my estimation I always have to factor in time […]

I had an epiphany after many years of meditation. Learning to quiet my mind has never been as difficult for me as for some of my clients. Even so, I have discovered an even easier way than ever before. I’m floating in the ethers in minutes now. I want to share this process with my […]