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Author
Topic: I finally found her! (Read 7008 times)

Those of you who have known me for some years will know that I lost contact with my sister back in 1997.

I was up late last night and took a spur of the moment decision to finally join Facebook with my full name and see if I couldn't find my sister. For some reason I kept thinking about her last night, but I haven't thought of her in a while, really. I've searched for her on the internet many times, but with a last name like Smith, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I sent a message asking if she was indeed the right person I was looking for (I've found others who turned out to not be her) and she messaged me back within about 20 minutes. Yes! I'd finally found her after all these years!

We ended up talking on Skype for a couple hours, but she finally had to go to bed. We were still talking when my daughter got up for work though, and my daughter was just as delighted as I was. She hasn't seen her aunt since she was three years old.

Funny thing is, my sister said she'd been thinking of me on her way home from work - and she also hadn't really thought of me recently. Spooky or what?

She's gone back to college and is now an RN who works in ICU and ER medicine. I was absolutely gobsmacked - she always had a "thing" about blood. (as in "ew")

She's in a very happy ten-year relationship with a woman (and her two children). She's very close to her lover's family and that makes me well up - we come from a pretty shit family and it's so good to know she's now got a family around her who really cares and loves her. That's fantastic.

I disclosed my status and that went fine, probably because I was laughing and joking about it, like I do.

But wow, I can't believe it. Those of you who are aware of the previous situation with my sister will probably understand just how happy I am today. She's the only person in my family (on that side of the pond) who I really care to have anything to do with and it always cut me to pieces that we lost touch.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Turns out she's been scouring the internet from time to time for me too, but I'm pretty crafty at hiding my tracks. Guess she is too. There was some time a few years ago when I had the feeling she was no longer in the area where we grew up, and I was right, she was in CA and CO working as a nurse. She's back in Ohio now, not far at all from where we grew up.

I'm so excited I still haven't been to bed. I'd go have a nap but I've got a GP appointment this afternoon and I just know I wouldn't wake up.

I still can't believe it. I fully expected another brick wall last night. Yippee!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Back in early 1997, my sister and I had a bit of a spat over the fact that I left to go live on a Rock in the middle of the Irish Sea and she was stuck alone dealing with our behaviourally challenged mother (euphemism for vindictive, manipulative bitch) as mom had long ago disowned our brother. She was feeling resentful towards me and I get that. Don't blame her, but hey, I had the smarts to hit the road first.

Anyway, before we made up, she made some life-changing decisions. She sold her house and moved, then went to nursing school, and I moved not long after, so we ended up not having each other's details. The spat has been long forgotten and we've both been looking for each other online - me since 2001, her since around 2005 (I think).

And thanks to the magic of the internet and the new search filtering features on Facebook, I finally found her last night. I really didn't expect to - I've been disappointed so many times before I'd given up any real hope.

Technically, I'm a Hoosier (Ft Wayne IN), but my family are all Buckeyes. Mother from Columbus, father, brother and sister from Cleveland. My father had been on a temporary transfer, I think we were there for less than three years, including during my incubation. (you guys do know I was hatched, right?)

Thanks again for all the well-wishes - it really means a lot to me. I know I don't often share many personal details (ok, aside from poking fun at my sex life) but this one was too exciting and wonderful to not share with you guys. You're all like family in a way, so it seemed appropriate.

I've been walking around with a big dopey grin on my face all day! And now I'm going to go have a quiet celebration with a few friends. They're all really happy for us too - they know how much this has bothered me over the years. When my sister was missing, it was like half my family was gone and it was just me and my daughter (as far as blood relations go).

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Ann, I am very happy for you. I too have a facebook account and have had one for a few yrs. I hardly ever went to it but one day i got an email saying someone on facebook was wanting to be my friend, so i went and checked and it was one of the friends i went to school with, well she let others know and now i have a lot of friends i went to school with on facebook. Funny i was in Indiana for 14 yrs. and tried to find my old friends but it took someone that doesn't live in In. to find me. Now i am in Fl. and can still talk with old friends. I love the internet.Congrats. on finding your sister.

Ann, that's fantastic news! We've talked about your family before, and I know how you feel about the rest of 'em. It must be wonderful to find out how well she's doing. So, maybe this will warrant a trip to the States sometime?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

it must be amazing to connect again with the people you love. i hope you've put fail safes in place to never let this happen again. oh, the wonderful conversations and stories you two smiths will tell. hmm, now that i think about it, i'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall in the room of the after dinner conversation

now that you found her, you can close your facebook and resume your searches on adam4adam to lure hot men to the rock...wait, those are sirens.

Considering she's a nurse I wonder how much she might actually know about HIV. I have a neighbor who is a nurse and whenever HIV has come up in conversation I can't help thinking that she's not really all that knowledgeable about it (apart from the basics of course).

I have to say that my joy in finding my sister is very much tempered today through the loss of Tim, a forum family member. As I said in another thread, life can be so cruel. I've gone from the heights of happiness to the depths of despair in less than 24 hours. I know Tim would want me to be happy, so I'm doing my best. But right now, it's so very hard. I have to believe he's in a better place now. I have to believe that.

My sister said she will come and visit us, but we're going to have to work out the timing. My daughter Alice will be going to the University of East Anglia in Norwich in September to study for her teaching certificate. This means my sister will have to visit before September, or over Christmas, or after Alice's course is finished next spring. I'll have to start saving my pennies to be able to visit Ohio.

My sister is three and a half years older. She's a 1959 Taurus, I'm a 1962 Scorpio. We mainly fought like cat and dog as kids - and a lot of that was orchestrated by our mother - but after I reached the age of fourteen or so, we got along very well and became quite close. Part of that was because I told her I knew she was gay and that was just fine by me. She was amazed that I never used it against her where our mother was concerned and believe me, it would have been a very effective weapon in that regard. She came to realise that the persona my mother tried to make me fit into just wasn't me at all.

I'm not sure quite how knowledgeable my sister is where hiv is concerned. I asked her what sort of experience she had with poz patients and she doesn't have much, other than poz people who came through one of the ERs she worked in - and she said that it was rare for one to come in with a problem directly related to their hiv. She does seem to know the basics and that's something I'll have to pick her brains about in the coming weeks.

She was concerned over whether or not I knew much myself and whether or not I was being routinely monitored. I told her about my numbers over the years, about not needing meds yet, and about flying over to Liverpool for my hiv care. I also told her about my work here and all that combined to put her mind at rest that I really am ok and will be for the foreseeable future. Provided I look both way before I cross the street, of course. Oh, and I also told her about my hep C and its successful treatment.

She's just about to ring me on Skype now, so maybe I'll know more later.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

That's very cool! As for her having you on her mind too... it was just time for you two to connect. It wasn't that long ago you seemed a bit anti-Facebook. See, it's not all bad! I hope you sisters (and her family and your daughter) all have a chance to get to know each other.

See, Facebook can be a good thing. I'm so happy for you and your sister. My brother and I had been distant lately, but got together just tonight for his birthday. I hope you guys can see each other in person soon.

My sister is three and a half years older. She's a 1959 Taurus, I'm a 1962 Scorpio. We mainly fought like cat and dog as kids - and a lot of that was orchestrated by our mother - but after I reached the age of fourteen or so, we got along very well and became quite close. Part of that was because I told her I knew she was gay and that was just fine by me. She was amazed that I never used it against her where our mother was concerned and believe me, it would have been a very effective weapon in that regard. She came to realise that the persona my mother tried to make me fit into just wasn't me at all.

Cheers... There is a little crazy in every family, or that's what I think or else I'm the one that's crazy. Perfect family I have seen on the tele but not in life. There is still tension between me and my family, I have no problem with that, but I am glad that you and your sister have found solace with each other. My your reunion be a delightfully full of joy and happy tears.

Wowser, that's where I go. If it's good enough for the infamous Ann, I'll stop playing holy hell everytime I'm there!! That's put a smile on my face (although will be a bigger one when they've rebuilt the bloody place).

Ann...I'm so glad I didn't miss this thread. As folks who go back a ways here indeed, you're like an online sister to me here. It's great that bygones are bygones with your sister and now you can not just be sisters again but friends as well...And an aunt has come into your daughters life as David said.

So good for you for reaching out, it showed class and confidence...And why not considering the source.

Jody

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"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world". "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."