Thursday, May 30, 2013

Mark this down as the saddest song that will ever appear in a "Throwback Thursday" post. These are easily the most concise Ghostface lyrics ever; ironically, they're also the most heartbreaking. It's almost as though he put aside his whole style for one verse, just to make sure every last emotion behind his words was felt by as many listeners as possible. And given that one moment to speak from the heart, Ghost just absolutely dominates your state of mind for 45 seconds, then lets Mary J.* tie a slightly-more-rosy bow around it all.

*Yes, I'm aware the video credits Tekitha with the vocals. But Mary J. sang the album version, and that's clearly what they use for the video. I'm not sure of the whole back story as to why they didn't give Mary her due, but I'm damn sure going to give it to her. She did her best to match Ghost's intensity (impossible to achieve, sure; but she came closer than anyone else could have); and, as wrenching as his lyrics are while bringing you to your knees, hers are nearly as inspiring as they breathe life in your lungs and lift your head toward the sky.

Former NFL star and ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson chased down a speeding Justin Bieber this weekend -- and tried to confront the singer about his dangerous driving habits -- but JB ran away like a scared little child ... eyewitnesses tell TMZ. Sources tell us ... Keyshawn had just left a party Sunday night inside of his exclusive gated community in Calabasas (with his child in the car), when Bieber zoomed by in his Ferrari at breakneck speeds. We're told Keyshawn was furious -- feeling Justin could've killed someone -- so he brought his kid home, then chased after the singer in his Prius (yes, a Prius chasing a Ferrari). When KJ got to Bieber's pad -- he blocked Justin's Ferrari in the driveway and got out of his car to confront Justin face-to-face ... but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out.

Out of all the comedy in this story, there's a piece of irony that strikes me especially humorous: Key's biggest flaw as a player was his speed. And now he (a.) drives a Prius, and (b.) is upset with other people going too fast.

That said, fuck Bieber.

This week's post is coming a day later, thanks to Memorial Day and my inability to lift hand to keyboard yesterday morning. Which means all of you had to go an extra day before being treated to this week's inspiration, the lovely Ms. Valerie Mason:

I'm sorry for inconveniencing you like that. No one should have to go that long without her. Let's go.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Let me start this post with a confession: I didn't select this song because of the song.

Don't get me wrong. This is a fantastic song. If you're too young to know who Donell Jones was, the best I can describe the situation is to say that he was Ne-Yo before Ne-Yo. Except he was actually a good-looking brother. ...He was a good-looking Ne-Yo. And this song is a wonderfully crafted look at the conflicted emotions of a man who deeply loves his woman, but wants to taste some other flavors, and doesn't want to break his woman's heart in the process.

Ever get the feeling people in other countries are just plain having more fun than we are? I love how this guy just strolls off through the city streets in his boxers, triumphant. Impressive, sir. (thanks to my boy Serge for the find)

Onto other impressive things...like Miss April Summers relaxing on the beach:

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Da Brat arrived on the scene in 1994 with this banger that went to #1 on the charts and had folks shaking asses from coast to coast. And that's appropriate, since Dupri and the So So Def label were based in Atlanta, Da Brat is from Chicago, and the song samples an Isley Brothers track—a move straight out of the Death Row/Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg playbook.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Your 2013 Playboy PMOY: The gorgeous Raquel Pomplun. I'm feeling a little bit of personal victory on this, since Miss Pomplun was my favorite of the 2012 Playmates. The girl is beautiful from head-to-toe, and now gets to call herself the hottest thing between a Playboy's covers.

Charles Ramsey is the definition of "trill." He's the unfiltered hero of this week's media sensation, the rescue of three Cleveland kidnapping victims. He's America. He's my family reunions. He's why the Chappelle Show was the greatest sociopolitical commentary our generation has ever known. He's why Dave eventually walked away. He's real life. He's the internet. He's why Obama's two terms are no different, racially, than Bush's two terms. He's why things are better now than they've ever been.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I've never seen any of her movies, and judging by her IMDb page, that makes me just like 99% of the world's population. But after seeing a few of these pictures...well, I still don't want to watch those flicks. But I'd be more than willing to let her shoot a few new ones in my private studios.

Anyone who owns a smartphone will agree that any new source of a charge is a welcomed one. And if you're the outdoorsy type, having a trying to keep a decent charge in your phone when out in the wilderness is a whole other issue. The folks at BioLite hear you, and would like to offer a solution:

We all know that anytime we need a good laugh, we just have to start fucking with people in the drive-thru at any fast food spot. This young gentleman decided to go the R 'n' B route and sing his order in "Trey Songz" tone. Volume required.

Maybe I'm just a realist by heart, but with all of the prank videos that litter the internet these days, I've often wondered how this exact scenario was never playing out. How often does the the would-be prankster do such a shitty job of hiding either himself (I mean, you thought the piece of his costume hanging outside of the trunk was what was going to give him away, right?) or the camera that he or she is instantly caught? And then, of course, those videos are rarely uploaded to the internet, because no one wants to show themselves failing. So thank god this guy didn't even bother to stop for his camera on the way out the door. His ownage needed to be properly documented and published. Science demanded it.

A women's group in southwest England had an embarrassing encounter at a recent meeting when members misinterpreted the idea behind a visiting speaker's talk about pirates.

The Parkham Women's Institute, a venerable institution traditionally devoted to home-spun handicrafts and good works, decided to get into the spirit of Captain Colin Darch's talk by dressing in pirate garb. Neckerchiefs, eye patches and pirate hats were widely sported, with a toy parrot thrown in for good measure.

Unfortunately, Captain Darch's topic focused on his 2008 ordeal at the hands of Somali pirates in the Indian Ocean, when he was held hostage for more than six weeks.

Somewhere out there, a feminist has her face planted firmly in her palm.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The sad news just broke tonight that Kelly, half of the '90s rap duo Kris Kross, has passed at the age of 34. I know almost everyone my age was a fan of Kris Kross during their prime, and probably can recite "Jump" word-for-word. It's a shame to see him go so soon.