Good morning! We recently got a few (sometimes repeated) emails from single guys who profiles indicate only "maybe" interest in couple but the longest bar for single female. We pointed this out to one guy and he said that his 1st choice is single female but couple is also ok et al.

I understand what you are saying Cincy and my point is, if they enjoy his company, why worry about what he is looking for otherwise. If he makes them feel like he is "settling", then move on. If not, enjoy and don't read so much into those silly little bars.

New Orleans LA

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We reply to emails based on the email, moreso than the profile preferences. Many SM's receive a "Thanks, but no thanks" because of their initial email.

A single male that "gets it" appears to be a rare but pleasant find in the LS. More SM's should take a page out of Nic's book.

Montverde FL

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Nic- I think they meant back-up plan as in he'll settle for a couple but wanted a single. Not back up plan as in pining for exclusivity.

I could be wrong. Now, get back to waiting by the phone for me.

Cincinnati OH

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"1. We do not want to be somebody's backup plan when he strongly prefers somebody else. "

I think you have to realize that as a single guy, we may prefer to be with a couple, (even specifically YOU) but you aren't going to invite us over a few times a week. I had one couple I saw a few times (about every two weeks) and then they told me that they preferred I didn't play as often as I did, that she didn't feel "special". Now I make every effort to make a lady feel special when I am with them but I also have no desire to sit home and wait for them to call every couple of weeks.

Put the shoe on the other foot. Are you willing to see just that one guy exclusively? Are you willing to not see any couples or single females so he doesn't feel like a "backup plan"?

We all want to feel special and be a priority but the reality is, we are swingers for a reason. We have chosen not to be monogamous or exclusive. I think you would do well to judge him based solely on how he treats you when you are together and not try to control what he does when you aren't.

Just MHO

New Orleans LA

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I, too, think that it is possible that you are reading more into this than you should. Maybe the guy has limited experience with couples and is nervous. That's easy to get over. Maybe he's one of those guys who can't help forming attachments to women he is is intimate with, but is smart enough to think with his big head. So maybe that's why his SF bar is longer than the couples bar. Could be anything.

However, I say, "go with your gut." If your antennae go up and your arms start flailing about (Warning! Warning!), then maybe you should pass.

If you aren't sure and you are interested, maybe you should communicate with the guy until you feel more sure of whether this one is a go or a no go.

But, as I said, I think you should pay attention to your intuition.

San Luis Obispo CA

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Thank you all for your reply, especially jandscincy's insight. Our hesitance comes from the following reasons:

1. We do not want to be somebody's backup plan when he strongly prefers somebody else.

2. Most communications went nowhere. Screening early saves time for everybody.

3. As jandscincy said, such single guys are more likely to want to exclude the husband.

Exton PA

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Nice perspective Cincy, I didn't think of it like that. I happen to agree with you BTW, my preference is MFM play and truly enjoy that dynamic.

"If he is interested soley (sic) in single females tell him to try aff or craigslist". Why is that? There are plenty of single females on SLS and I have met some wonderful women here.

New Orleans LA

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That depends on how you have set your rules and boundries? If you are allowed to play alone then it is ok. Like us we play alone but only if the other one is in the house where if there is a situation then we can help.

If he is interested soley in single females tell him to try aff or craigslist

TOPIC: Couple got emails from single male with only maybe interest in couple

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