You're right. That was a joke. What you really have to do is find the Migrate Everything Back From OSX To Windows XP For Me button. On most PCs it's by the Why The Hell Am I Using This Piece Of Junk button and it'll be abbreviated to simply MEBFOSKTWKPFM where the K represents an X which is an otherwise illegal character. You're switching back to Windows. Nobody said it'd be easy.

I haven't tried this, but it might be easier to import the emails into Thunderbird and then back to Outlook... I dunno if it'll work but it might be something to look into.

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