Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.Flabbergasted
(adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever
having a flat stomach.

Esplanade
(v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.Negligent
(adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.Gargoyle
(n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks
you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.

Rectitude (n.), the
formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.Pokemon
(n), a Rastafarian proctologist.Oyster (n.), a person
who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you
die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
there.
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.

USA
1 LETTER ALTERED

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about
yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,very
high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously
when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon (n): its like, when
everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then,
like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event
of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of
stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic
dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider
web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of
a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn
after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both
stupid and an asshole.

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