Loneliness

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. We can be alone without feeling lonely. On the other hand, we can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel lonely. If you feel lonely it is probably because you don’t have the kind of close personal relationships that make you feel secure, comforted and content. If this sounds like you, find out what you can do about loneliness.

Contents

Do I have a problem with loneliness?

You are the only person who can decide if you are lonely. It is not about how many friends you have or how much time you spend on your own. Loneliness is how you feel about your personal contact. Are you unhappy about it? Would you like more social contact?

If so, the time to do something about it is now. But because overcoming loneliness can be difficult, especially if you are shy, it's best to tackle it by taking small steps.

Why am I lonely?

There are many reasons why you might feel lonely.

You may have recently lost a loved one (if so, you might want to find out more about grief) or moved to a new area and you don’t know anyone. Or you may lack the confidence or the know-how to meet new people and form new friendships. Meeting people is a skill; you might just be out of practice.

Loneliness could be linked to depression, anxiety or posttraumatic stress. It's easy to become withdrawn and isolated if you have these issues as you naturally feel uncomfortable around people. This can make depression and anxiety worse as your contact with the world becomes smaller.

How you think about yourself and your place in the world can also result in loneliness. Without knowing it, you may be thinking yourself into isolation. How we think about affects how we feel about ourselves. When we are lonely, we often make it worse by thinking negatively: "there’s something wrong with me", "I’ll always be alone", or "no-one else feels like this".

Do you find negative thoughts get in the way?

Are you always predicting the worst or putting yourself down?

Negative thinking is at the heart of loneliness: it is not being alone, it is what we think about being alone. The more we can think positively about ourselves, our lives, other people and our futures, the more productive we will be. Being pessimistic and expecting the worst runs the risk of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Expect the worst and the worst will happen. Helpful thinking can change the way you feel.

TAKE ACTION

Change The Thoughts that contribute to loneliness

Use the Challenging Thoughts tool to help you to identify whether you are thinking in an unhelpful way, then start to challenge and reassess unhelpful thoughts

In the meantime, try to look for opportunities to get involved with others and say "yes" when the opportunity arises (even if it is a bit scary). When you’re alone, try to enjoy your own company and feel comfortable. If you can enjoy and value your own company, there’s a good chance others will too.

Many of these tools are available on the High Res app to use on the go.