Weekly Food For Thought – Firing the Critic, Hiring the Coach

Friday, December 07, 2012

‘Good coaching is very selective. It directs your attention to one or two possible changes, which when implemented will have a massive impact.’ ~ Thomas Bjørge

Dear Friends,

Has it ever happened to you that you do something exceptionally well, you step up, you show up as a leader, and bam…like on cue, an inner nagging voice creeps in and starts rewinding and replaying the situation in your head, focusing only on and exclusively on the negatives!

I know that the above mentioned scenario has happened to me many times in the past, usually when I’ve stepped up, moved out of my comfort zone, and did something differently…It is in situations like this, the self-doubting nagging little critic will turn up. Uninvited. And before I knew it, my self confidence would take the downward spiral, and I’d have no choice in the matter.

Meet the Inner Critic

Usually, the nagging little critic would get on the perfectionist’s high horse, and would blow things out of proportion. It showed no mercy for mistakes, slip-ups, imperfections, or anything that defines me as a human. It was tiring, exhausting even, having to listen to this Inner Critic every time I stepped up. I had enough of listening to what is wrong with me, without insomuch as a solution, or guidance.

You see, Inner Critic does just that – silently, yet very powerfully criticizes. It gives no solutions, no pointers, no how tos. It just nags. Demanding perfection from imperfectly perfect moi☺!

So, after much deliberation, and many training seminars later, I decided to re-consider this Inner Critic’s position☺!

It became clear to me that the way I had been thinking about it had been slightly unfair. I had only considered how it sabotaged my efforts. It became clear to me that this Inner Critic had a set of very good intentions, i.e. to protect me from risks. However the way it went about accomplishing this was interrupting and disruptive, and simply not helpful.

We – I and I – had a long chat about what it wanted to achieve for me, how and when I would prefer it to help me achieve this, how and when I would prefer it to communicate what it wanted to alert me about, in a way which was not disruptive, but helpful.

And so I fired my Inner Critic and hired my inner Coach.

Choose your Coach

I learnt that at any given point in time I have a choice. A choice of having an important part of me communicate with me in the role of an Inner Critic or in the role of an inner supporter and Inner Coach. Or a team of coaches, that mean well, give constructive solutions, are wise, have my best interest at heart.

And so, my Inner Coach got the job☺! It is everything that the Inner Critic isn’t.

It helps me focus on what I want, it is supportive, loving, caring. It shows me my strengths, it encourages me to raise the bar, step up, set new standards, excel…

With this in mind, may I invite you to pay attention to your Inner Critic this week, and every time it creeps in, unannounced and uninvited, feel free to mute it, and invite your Inner Coach instead!

Wishing you a wonderful weekend and beyond, and sending you oceans of love.

Your imperfectly perfect trainers,

Lidija & Thomas
*Even though our experiences on the subject are similar, for the purpose of clarity and easier reading, we decided to use an ‘I’, rather than a ‘we’.

Thomas Björge – ITA NLP (International Trainers Academy of NLP) Accredited New Code and Classic Code NLP Trainer and Master Coach and Designer of New Code Game ‘Arrows’, to be featured in Dr. John Grinder’s upcoming book.