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I first become conscious of what it means
to be umakoti when I was in high school. I had finally been asked to be a
bridesmaid by a young woman who sang in the church choir. Being a bridesmaid
meant more than looking pretty on the wedding day. We were also part of the
traditional wedding where the bride is officially introduced to the groom’s
family. There isn't an English equivalent for the word makoti; perhaps "new bride" comes close. The most illuminating part of the wedding
for black women is the traditional wedding. Most black couples have two
weddings: the white wedding and the traditional wedding. For amaXhosa the
introduction takes on many forms but it involves the bride getting a new name
(igama lasemzini), she wears a new outfit and uyayalwa: she is given advice by
the groom’s family, mostly a list of expectationsand sometimes rules about the home that she
needs to abide by as the new bride in the home. She is expected to sit
demurely, making no eye contact as h…