A Grandfather’s Touch

Hello I am new to the course and I am trying to write a Memoir about a very tragic time in my life please read my writing from lesson 1 and provide feedback.

It all started with a touch. A touch that seemed accidental at the time. You know one of those brushes in passing or not looking where your going.

I had always considered him to be the most important person in my life. When no one else cared Papa did. He always seemed to pull up to the house when my eyes couldn’t possibly cry anymore. He knew that I needed him and he was always there. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he touched me.

I remember being in the kitchen at my grandmothers house sitting on a wooden stool aching from the raise of the wood on its seat. everyone liked this particular stool and would race to the kitchen to sit in it first. My grandmother was cooking lamb chops and prepping her famous Macaroni and cheese. I knew I would be getting the boot soon because she was dedicated to keeping her recipe a secret. before I made it to the crust Papa walked in to the kitchen and hollered “hey grands” like he always did. We all lined up to give Papa his kiss on the cheek. I was 4th in line, right behind my cousin Yari. She needed Papa just as much as I did. When it was my turn I jumped up with excitement on my tip toes and said “hello Papa” when I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek I felt it. The touch. My body froze and my sandwich hit the floor. I quickly snapped out of my state picked up my sandwich and placed it in the trash.

Papa continued you speak as usual and grandma hollered at me about dropping food on her floor. My ears were muffled but I could tell she was speaking to me. It never left me. I could still feel it on my breast as if he was still there. I knew it was an accident but something about it frightened and confused me.

About christinaisreal

My name is Christina I am a Deaf Education Middle School teacher. I have a BAC in Exceptional Education and a MS in Deaf Education. I am one of four children. I have experienced many traumas in my life, I have mental health issues, and I grew up in very poverish conditions. This memoir is more than just writing to me. It is a release of my soul onto paper.

12 Responses to A Grandfather’s Touch

I hope you can find the strength to continue to ‘release your soul onto paper’. I know writing is cathartic and in a way, will help you. Some of my writing is deep and I haven’t shared it yet, though I am writing at least!

Hi What a shock for you to experience him touching you inappropriately and then almost to wonder if it happened, how could he have done this to you? As if your whole world changed in a second. Difficult to live through. I think you have told the story well and I hope it helps to have expressed it.

Christina,
First, I applaud your courage on sharing your experience with us. Two questions occur — how old were you at the time of your Papa’s actions? And, do you attribute your “Mental Health Issues” to his behavior toward you? I ask because I am an incest survivor but have never been able to put pen to paper around those years. You may have helped me along toward that goal. And I thank you for that.

Hello Mary,
Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. Ithe started when I was 11 years old and it lasted 4 years. I never told anyone in my family or anyone else until may 2016 before I moved to Texas my counselor encouraged me to finally free those memories.

Hi Christina
Your story is very touching, but I do have some problems with it. First, explain what you mean by “need” “She needed Papa just as much as I did.” Was this a need of comfort; of assurance; of a loving guardian?” Your story is filled with emotional outbursts which is good, and keeps your reader reading, which is what you want.
However, I think it read a little too fast. By that I mean, try to fill in some of the gaps.
Perhaps you could give the reader some background on your characters; grandma, or even Papa himself. Also one sentence in your story is left kind of dangling: “Before I made it to the crust…..? I am assuming you mean the sandwich you were eating at the time. Once again, I really enjoyed this episode, and hope you continue with it.
Carmen

I enjoyed your story, but like Carmelita, I found it slightly confusing in one or two sentences. What if you were to cut or move the second paragraph elsewhere for your next draft? The first 3 lines about the touch are intriguing and pulled me into the story, eager to know who touched you inappropriately.
I would make the second paragraph the one that begins with the kitchen scene. I would ‘fill in the gaps’ by asking myself what my grandmother was wearing: a faded house dress? Something casual, but more fashionable? An apron to protect her clothes? Was her hair presentable or did she appear to have just gotten out of bed? In other words, describe the grandmother character with more details, which in turn, might signify if she made an effort for her husband or if she felt indifferent that he had arrived home.
You might want to end that paragraph after you mention her secret recipe, but showing the reader why her mac and cheese recipe is famous (i.e. the texture, the creaminess of the cheese(s), the just-right golden crust when it comes out of the oven, the kitchen smells like_____. Whomever has tasted this particular dish begs for the recipe, etc.
I would begin another paragraph with the part announcing Papa’s arrival…maybe there, insert the second paragraph I thought you should cut earlier, but leave out where you mention you shouldn’t be surprised that he touched you. Leave that for an element of surprise later for the reader.
The description of the kids lining up to greet and kiss the grandfather is indicative that he is beloved and respected, but why is that so and again, a description of what he is wearing can better enlighten the reader of the sort of man he is or the work he does when he is absent from the home and the kids long for his attention and affection. i.e. Is he wearing farmer jeans and scuffed work boots that he leaves in the hall before entering the kitchen? A three-piece suit? Whatever he’s wearing, are there still creases ironed in by the grandmother? Does he smell farm animal, mechanic grease, soap and water or Old Spice?
What feelings are you experiencing while you wait your turn in line to kiss Papa?
Oh, Christina! Forgive me! It’s very late and I’m tired, but your story is so promising, I couldn’t refrain from wanting it to be longer, more sensually descriptive. I used to write a humor column for a MA newspaper and ‘who, what, where, how, when’ and using all the senses ~ in particular, incorporating sound and smell and a dab of color ~ have been imprinted on me.
This is a kernel of a very interesting, informative story and I hope you add to it and share it with us again.
I also was diagnosed with PTSD 16 years ago, culminated by years of physical, psychological and emotional abuse. Putting our source of pain to paper can be healing,
and you are a strong woman for tackling this topic, Christina.
Another commonality we share is that you are in Deaf Education, while I closed caption for the hearing impaired, was injured “on the job” and now struggle to continue to caption even though I have 70% hearing loss. 😉