Pepe Billete Named Official Spokesperson for Hello.Miami

Miami has always been too cool for school, and now with the recent launching of its very own domain name, the city is has reached subzero. Starting this month, businesses and average folk alike can purchase a .miami domain for as little as $13.99.

If the allure of having your website be something swanky like artsandculture.miami isn’t enough, the company has announced that Miami’s own foul-mouthed puppet, Pepe Billete, will be the official spokesperson. Because that’s all we’ve ever wanted: to have Pepe Billete represent our city.

"Mamita, los dot coms were cool back when the most popular thing to do on a Friday night was to sit in traffic in the Grove for three hours 'cruising' y las nalgas in this city were 100 percent organic, pero that's ancient history,” says Pepe.

The mustachioed puppet goes on to say only a few cities on the globe have their own domain names, and thus Miami has a joined an elite group alongside New York and London. “So having a .miami web address says that you're invested in one of the world's elite communities and not just a random sapingo with a website… Ademas, culo.miami has a nice ring to it.”

The good news: culo.miami is still available. The bad news: it’s $149.99 — but, the website gives some good alternatives available for $13.99 like onlineculo.miami, theculo.miami, or miamiculo.miami.

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As spokesperson, Pepe is tasked with “encouraging” Miamians to register for a .miami domain. How exactly will a chusmo puppet succeed? "I can't give too much away right now, but we're preparing unos regalitos that the people of Miami will come to love more than our unhealthy obsession with croqueticas and brasileras in tangas.” Crossing our fingers for a viral video.

We can see it now: the scene opens with the Miami skyline and then cuts down to a vintage Mustang bouncing up and down with hydraulics. The camera zooms in on Pepe, who quickly lifts his head and starts rapping while quintessential Miami domain names rain down. (May we suggest culo.miami, onlineculo.miami, theculo.miami, and miamiculo.miami.) So the video should basically include all the things representative of this fine city.

"Dot miami is a pinguo web address, so naturally, la gente de hello.miami needed a spokesperson who is universally recognized as el pinguo mas grande de este pueblo,” says Pepe. “With that said, I guess my first order of business as spokesperson for hello.miami is to keep representing my city with all the pride that I have always had.”

When asked whether or not he thinks that .miami is the way of the future, Pepe fires back: "Que te puedo decir mi amor. Preguntale eso a Walter Mercado o a la crackera de Miss Cleo que yo no soy adivino ni un carajo. What I can say is that having a .miami web address from hello.miami is exclusive y tira way more pinta y guaperia than some bootleg .com domain. Y todo el mundo sabe that rule number one in the 'How to be Tremendo Pinguo' handbook is if you don’t have pinta, then pipo you don’t have shit."