LOL Round-up: Kids say the funniest things

Did you know that the average 4 year old asks 635 questions a day. Sometimes all before breakfast. It’s hardly surprising that with all those questions and observations of their little world, they sometimes flummox us, make us want to die with embarrassment, or pee our pants laughing. If there’s one universal parenting truth, it’s that kids say the funniest things.

The Difficult Questions:

Out of the blue he came out with “Dad, what’s a ‘hooker’?”

Erm…. well, son, it’s another name for a prostitute. Do you remember when we were talking about that lady on the news the other day who was hurt by the horrible man?

“A PROSTITUTE! OH RIGHT – I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUGBY. I’LL HAVE TO TELL MRS SMITH TOMORROW!!!!”

The Endless Cycle of Questions:

Mummy, what’s that? (Points to undercarriage of dog).Me: That’s Riker’s willy (Note: I get the whole ‘call bits by their real anatomical name’ thing, I do. But this will do fine for me).Don’t be silly mummy that’s not his willy (I don’t know why she asks so many questions when she really does know everything).Me: OK then.Why don’t I have a willy?Me: Because girls don’t have willies. Only boys.Mummy, what are willies made of?

The “Dear God No”

“My Mickey is standing up! Can I touch it now mammy Jeesus look mammy look !” I was about to grab him and see if he would fit in my bag or a hole (which I was hoping would appear) when he added “does your Mickey stand up mammy?”

Then there was the time I decided to self-scan so that I didn’t have to speak to the cashier. Unfortunately, the self scanner hated me and I had to call for help. The assistant started coming over as Youngest started shouting,

“Mummy, isn’t he big. What a big man. He is big. I can spell it mummy B-I-G” as I tried to shut her up before he reached us. “Sssssh darling, that’s not polite but I know what you mean he is very tall”

to which Youngest shouted

“AND HIS BELLY MUMMY, LOOK AT HIS BELLY. IT B-I-G”

At this point the man was almost upon us so I panicked and put my hand over her mouth to stop her saying anything else.

Claire is the blogger behind Life, Love and Dirty Dishes. A blog about the amusing side of parenting. Claire's claim to fame is that she once spoke to Phillip Schofield on a Going Live phone in. Awesome, right? She with three boys; The Husband, The Big One (6) who never ever stops talking, and The Little One (2) who never ever stands still.
They live in a Lego house. They don’t really, but they have so much off the stuff they could probably build one.