U.S.—A fascinating new study released today from a very reliable source confirmed that all your opinions are correct, there are no flaws in your worldview, beliefs, or hot takes, and that everything you say is more or less absolutely correct.

The study researched everything you believe and found that it is true, all of it. From your opinions on religion to your takes on politics, the extremely reputable study found that you are 100% correct both in your high-level assertions and in all the supporting details of your claims.

"Based on this new information, we definitely recommend never examining your beliefs to see if there are weaknesses, never challenging your own assumptions to see if they hold water, and never adjusting your thinking to align with truth," said one expert. "We also recommend not doubting this study itself. Share its results immediately so you can show everyone on your social media feeds that you are, indeed, right."

The study also researched everything you disagree with and found that it is deeply flawed, inherently opposed to logic and reason, and totally destructive to human progress. The only logical conclusion, therefore, is to hate people who disagree with you, and maybe punch them.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.