Your letter to Roger Goodell

They were the creation of screenwriter Leonard Stern, who passed away earlier this week.

In honor of Stern, Mad Libs, and the ridiculousness that is the NFL lockout, we decided to give you our own fill-in-the-blank Mad Lib.

This one is a letter to Roger Goodell.

Just fill in each blank with whatever comes to your mind and click on the "create story" button once you are done. A small window will pop up with your own letter. You can copy your story from the window in the comments below if you'd like. I took the liberty of creating the first.

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Her Royal Majesty&#8217s Royal Food Taster in the lucrative field of British Royal Vocations . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Detroit . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter rock in your claim that you represent the cows .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply hurl yourself and get drunk off of Franzia boxed wine with Von Miller while puking a duck . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a shorts since you are married to that somewhat soiled & smelly Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can craptastically out-earn any Her Royal Majesty&#8217s Royal Food Taster with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got stocks to pay.

Posted by Trash on 2011-06-15 21:33:44

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Animal Inseminator in the lucrative field of Liger Breeding . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Bangkok . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter couples therapist in your claim that you represent the skyscrapers .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply inspire yourself and get drunk off of Colt 45 with Andy Reid while fighting a paper weight . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a fortune cookie since you are married to that somewhat flatulent Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can absentmindedly out-earn any Animal Inseminator with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got sexual frustration to pay.

Posted by AndrewR0488 on 2011-06-13 05:00:37

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Cheif Jock Inspector in the lucrative field of Drug Testing . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Allentown . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter nub in your claim that you represent the zepplins .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply strap yourself and get drunk off of vodka with Pioli while driving a ninja . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a moraine since you are married to that somewhat enchanting Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can stately out-earn any Cheif Jock Inspector with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got asshats to pay.

Posted by Sadaraine on 2011-06-13 03:21:29

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Joyologist in the lucrative field of Self Pleasure . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Amsterdam . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter cutie-pie in your claim that you represent the Ancient Ones of Cthulhu .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply remove yourself and get drunk off of near beer with Lane Kiffin while mystifying a blood relative . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a fiddlestick since you are married to that somewhat horrifying Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can seductively out-earn any Joyologist with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got baby collectors to pay.

Posted by tunesmith on 2011-06-12 18:08:25

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced intern in charge of lens cleaning in the lucrative field of infomercials . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Wichita . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter pimple in your claim that you represent the belly button lint .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply lubricate yourself and get drunk off of my Grandma&#8217s moonshine with Big Money Warren while scrubbing a molar . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a teint since you are married to that somewhat greasy Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can swimmingly out-earn any intern in charge of lens cleaning with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got all-weather tires to pay.

Posted by Douglas Lee on 2011-06-12 18:02:17

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Cue Ball Washer in the lucrative field of Ball Washing . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Washington . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter waterfall in your claim that you represent the dingleberries .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply extricate yourself and get drunk off of boones farm with Dumervil while scrubbing a mountain . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a mayor since you are married to that somewhat blue Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can super fast out-earn any Cue Ball Washer with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got moms to pay.

Posted by c_style on 2011-06-12 15:33:11

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Master and Commander of the Universe in the lucrative field of Ruling . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of San Diego . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter bomb in your claim that you represent the mortars .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply blow yourself and get drunk off of beer with Philip rivers while sniping a stereo . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a gilly suit since you are married to that somewhat odorous Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can blithely out-earn any Master and Commander of the Universe with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got doxies to pay.

My favorite part by far is the doxies.

Posted by SDBroncosFan on 2011-06-12 05:34:38

I don&#8217t think I&#8217ve laughed this hard since, well, the last time I did a Mad Lib. These are sweet, my friends.

Nice, Dan.

DCJ, yeah, it gets better. Wait until Tony whacks his own family members. Good times&#8230

Ralph, priceless with that jock strap.

LaFrench, nice profession!

Stud, I would have never thought of glanville while doing this!

Posted by TJ Johnson on 2011-06-12 04:23:34

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Douchebag Extraordinaire in the lucrative field of Ass Kissing Incompetence . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Everywhere . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter Ogre in your claim that you represent the Kittens .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply Eat yourself and get drunk off of Sex on the beach with Josh McDaniels while Sleeping a Macaroni . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a Beer since you are married to that somewhat Hard-nosed Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can Lonely out-earn any Douchebag Extraordinaire with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got Dice to pay.

Posted by Dan in the Can on 2011-06-12 04:01:38

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced legitimate businessman in the lucrative field of waste removal . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Newark . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter goon in your claim that you represent the marks .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply whack yourself and get drunk off of grappa with Rex Ryan while shooting a gun . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a payola since you are married to that somewhat sweaty Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can barely out-earn any legitimate businessman with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got gamblers to pay.

PS. OK, so I just watched The Sopranos Season One. Still, it is a little too realistic&#8230

Posted by DCJ on 2011-06-12 03:49:01

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Gigalo in the lucrative field of well&#8230you know . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of parts unknown . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter Jock Strap in your claim that you represent the Houses .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply Shake yourself and get drunk off of Natural Ice with Jim Tressel while Kissing a Football . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a Baseball since you are married to that somewhat Sweaty Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can Swiftly out-earn any Gigalo with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got Mobsters to pay.

Posted by RalphW on 2011-06-12 02:38:23

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Hospitality Manager in the lucrative field of Steel . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Winnipeg . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter Capybara in your claim that you represent the Romans .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply skip yourself and get drunk off of Hawkeye Vodka with Jerry Glanville while joking a treehouse . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a precipice since you are married to that somewhat purple Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can quite out-earn any Hospitality Manager with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got dudes to pay.

Posted by studbucket on 2011-06-12 01:24:41

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced proctologist in the lucrative field of organic farming . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Cucamonga . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter monkey in your claim that you represent the gonads .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply stutter yourself and get drunk off of Two-Buck Chuck with Austin Collie while brandishing a colostomy bag . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a bean since you are married to that somewhat flacid Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can disturbingly out-earn any proctologist with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got forceps to pay.

Bfree, hahah. Not exactly on script, but you had me laughing the whole time. Excellent, sir!

And Bartlett, you are one sick pup!

Posted by TJ Johnson on 2011-06-11 23:37:29

Mr. Rodger Goodell,

I am a respected garbage can cleaner for well known restaurant in downtown San Francisco and i hear a lot things going on with this &#8216Lockout&#8217 thing that I have no idea about and am wondering why you would let the owners lock the doors on the players. You sir were laughing and joking about the whole deal while eating our octipus souffle last week, telling jokes about our famous quarterback Joe Montana and how he shouldn&#8217t be in the Hall of Fame. Believe me when I tell you this, that cleaning these stinky cans is a tedious job that needs the utmost attention and if Bill Walsh was still alive you guys wouldn&#8217t be acting like you do. He would be asshamed of the things guys are pulling and would have none of it. Here in China Town our patrons understand the importance of getting along with fans from all over the world and the NFL is a very important part of their lives especially when they sneak a few drinks of the forbidden drink, absinthe while eating specially shipped in &#8216queer squid&#8217 cooke al-dente in a mornay sauce&#8230So if Eddie DeBartolo wasn&#8217t barred from football forever you wouldn&#8217t even have a job. He would have this situation of the Lockout and everything else football done and a deal would have been struck on a napkin down on Grand St. before the March 3rd ending of the CBA&#8230But, hey, don&#8217t mind me, I&#8217m just a garbage can cleaner at a well known restaurant in China Town&#8230

Posted by bfree2bronc on 2011-06-11 23:20:42

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced jizz-mopper in the lucrative field of pornography . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Burbank . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter iPod in your claim that you represent the bungee cords .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply watch yourself and get drunk off of beaujolais with Peyton Hillis while talking a television . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a chair since you are married to that somewhat impertinent Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can well out-earn any jizz-mopper with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got helmets to pay.

Posted by Ted Bartlett on 2011-06-11 22:52:50

Mr. Goodell, I work as a high-priced Wal Mart greeter in the lucrative field of retail arts . Our company is located in the great but overrated city of Denver . It&#8217s come to my attention that you are a complete and utter drug-store cowboy in your claim that you represent the jackals .Frankly, I&#8217d appreciate it if you would simply boink yourself and get drunk off of vodka with Brandon Marshall while eating a fava beans . I know your huge pay cut is not much of a trick since you are married to that somewhat hot Fox anchor Jane Skinner, who can swiftly out-earn any Wal Mart greeter with all of that Roger Ailes cash. But could you get a deal done with the players soon? I&#8217ve got prostitutes to pay.