so after 5 plus years.....

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I guess I think more. I know more about what to do. I have kept some good friends I know mainly online. Interestingly, while I have gained some weight back I am not that far from my original goal (and I am fairly far from where I started). So I took time and thought about what was healthy for me. What irritated me. What are my habits when I am a happy person I like and that people like to be around and to work with.

I need some exercise. I need some silence. I need alone time. I need some vacation. I need time alone with my husband away from home and others. When I eat better that is good, but I need flexibility. I remembered a few papers on healthy BMIs and reread those and what had published since. Looking at those I decided I am not aiming for the 120lbs, or even the 130s. I am aiming 150-174 lbs. From a mortality stand point that makes sense. I also think it is achievable (and in fact I am there already).

But while at times I am ok with my body other times I only see flaws. Those flaws were why I was not happy at times with my body at 135 or 145? I was happy last time I was in the 140s. Shape matters to me. Moving regularly for joy of moving, not purely exercise, is a help. 144 on me can be a size 3 or a 10. It is not even size, though, it is how clothes flow and look. It also is liking my movement and play, and that helps me work well.

But I can overdo so how to balance time, stress, cardio, ability to carry out activities? I would like to walk more, and hope to add that in the Spring. For now I will have other activities I am ramping up.

I will turn off my blackberry and try to not check work email from home off hours. I am reading non-work and non-news. Listening to the radio, but also other music.

I have a plan, am updating my trackers, and will reassess April/Summer and see if I am still in my range and keeping my promises to myself, promises I seem to be willing to break. I already planned a vacation that will be overlapping a second work event so vacation might be canceled. We will see how it works.

This time I am focusing on the small change I liked and maintaining not 'improving'. Improving was great, do not get me wrong, but it was not sustainable to get to what I was choosing. It was not for me. Luckily I had changed enough behaviors that where I maintained by accident was ok. So focusing on happy. That is where I find the space to do great things.