I don't know if this is going to help or not but what you are describing sounds "normal" whatever normal is when we go through these horrid losses. I felt like you were describing my life 14 months ago when I lost my husband suddenly. For a better part of the year all I could think of was the day he died and the day of the accident. He lived for a week and the doctors said he was fine and coming home in 2 days but I knew something was wrong and couldn't get them to listen. I was with him from 6:00 a.m. till 9:00ish p.m. every day and had friends stay with him at night. But at 4:01 a.m. I got a call telling me to get to the hospital and when I got there he was brain dead.....let the nightmares and daymares begin.

I will tell you I am starting to think and dream of the happy times we had together. I do still go through some sleepless nights of tears and cry out of the blue while driving but they are getting further apart. While I just wanted to smack anyone that said time is what will heal this pain, to a degree they were right. For me I don't think the pain will heal but I am learning how to cope with it and hope you will too.

What also worked for me is a grief group that meets once a week. My sister had to drag me there the first time but now it is my lifeline. She found it through a hospice group and it is free, maybe something like that will help you like it did me. All we do is talk to each other about what we are having a hard time with and others will say what worked for them and if nothing worked, they more often then not felt the same way and for some strange reason just knowing that makes me feel "normal". In the group we can only say what works for us and talk of our experience that is why my letter to you is telling you what worked for me and what I felt like.

My heart breaks for you and I hope you know you are not going crazy this is what grief feels like and for that you may need to get medical help.

Your sister in grief,
Rhondamlr

Last edited by moderator2; 06-16-2008 at 05:55 AM.
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