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Daily Archives: January 1, 2008

Yesterday, in Ariba Headquarters in Sunnyvale, California. Thaddeus Plotz and Chicken Boo are in the boardroom, looking rather serious. It’s empty but for a vase of flowers on the table. The intercom is turned on.

Okay! Yakko takes a chair, proceeds to dismantle it, and starts sticking the pieces in his pocket.

Thaddeus

Just SIT Down, please! Ralph grabs a chair leg as he starts to scowl, even more so than usual.

Yakko, Wakko, & Dot

Okay, boss! The Riba’s sit down.

Thaddeus

That’s what I need to talk to you about.

Dot

You’re not giving us a new boss again, are you?

Yakko

Not that we don’t appreciate your kindness …

Wakko

But the last one only lasted a week!

Thaddeus

No …

Dot

Then we’re finally getting …

Yakko & Wakko

A Promotion!

Thaddeus

No … not quite … but you can think of it as an advancement if you like.

Dot

Really?

Thaddeus

Yes. An advancement in your career.

Yakko

And how are we advancing if we’re not getting promoted.

Thaddeus

Chicken Boo, as the newest chief on our executive team, the honor of telling them befalls you.

Chicken Boo

B’-kawk?

Thaddeus

Yes, Chicken Boo – it’s your job. They are part of what is now your department.

Chicken Boo

Bok. Bokko, Bawko, Bok … B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.

Yakko, Wakko, & Dot

What?!?!?

Chicken Boo

B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.

Yakko, Wakko, & Dot

You’re letting us go? Thaddeus!

Thaddeus

Yes?

Dot

You’re …

Yakko

… letting us …

Wakko

go?

Thaddeus

Well, someone has to go. We have two people for every job now. Chicken Boo feels that the team he has in mind will serve the needs of the new company quite well. We’ve discussed it at length and I agree that this is the right decision. You’ve been here a long time. I think it’s best for everyone if you moved on.

Ralph

Does this … does this mean that … ?

Thaddeus

Yes, Ralph. The ‘Ribas are no longer your responsibility.

Ralph

But does that mean … that I’m … I’m … ?

Thaddeus

No, Ralph. We’re not letting you go. In fact, we’d like you to head up the new security organization responsible for standardizing security across all of our sites.

Ralph

An expression of pure joy, the likes of which you’ve never seen, appears on Ralph’s face, along with a grin that you once thought could only appear on the cheshire cat, as he leaps six feet into the air and proceeds to do a triple pirouette. Thank you sir! Thank you very much! Can I start right away?

Thaddeus

Yes you may, Ralph.

Ralph

Thank you again sir. Ralph dances towards the door, singing. Free at last. Free at last. Never thought I’d see the day. Where I’m free at last!

The ‘Ribas are looking very solemn.

Yakko

But where will we go?

Dot

And what will we do?

Wakko

And we really like it here … really, really like it here; the balony sandwiches are by far the best I’ve ever had!

Don’t fret. We’re sure you’ll do fine. And to give you lots of time to find the perfect fit, we’re doubling the standard severance package in your case. Happy New Year!Thaddeus gets up and starts walking toward the door.

Chicken Boo

Bok-ke bok bawk! Chicken Boo gets up and follows Thaddeus.

The ‘Ribas are alone. They are, for once, silent. Time passes. They just stare at each other. First a minute. Then another minute. Then another minute. Before you know it, almost thirty minutes have passed.