Beer Quotes "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."-Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."-Dave Barry

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."-Dave Barry

"The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'"-Dave Barry, referring to the actor who played the Lone Ranger on radio

"He was a wise man who invented beer."-Plato

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."-Homer Simpson

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."-Homer Simpson

"I never met a pub I didn't like."-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."-Kaiser Welhelm

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!"-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."-Abraham Lincoln

"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."-Martin Luther

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

"Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health."-Anonymous

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1962!

"Unknown"

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.-Anonymous

"Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods."-Bruce Carlton

"No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer."-John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

"An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer."-Confucius

"The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes."-Nicholas Culpeper

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."-David Daye

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"-Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."-Warwick Franks

"They who drink beer will think beer."-Washington Irving

"One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer."-Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing

"Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into."-Don Marquis

"Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown."-Midieval plea for pure libations

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."-David Moulton

"God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?"-Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC

"...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer."-Peter Richmond

"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire."-David Rains Wallace

"I'm going to buy a boat... do a little travelling, and I'm going to be drinking beer!"-John Welsh, Brooklyn bus driver who won $30 million in the New York lottery

"Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink."-Whitstran Brewery sign

"Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long."-Carl Worner

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."-Frank Zappa

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? "

Stephen Wright

"The roots and herbs beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengthen and quicken the sight of the eyes."

Nicholas Culpeper

"Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health."

Anonymous

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."