Category: Funny

Every now and again I get some random gold delivered to my inbox… This is one of them, I did not author below, but since I can not forward the email to you… here it is:For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great ‘one liners’ from the man who was known for his clean humor.I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more. . .

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go out to a nice restaurant, have a littlebeverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go onFridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is inTexas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “SomewhereI haven’t been for a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric breadmaker.She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So Ibought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water inthe carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud felloff.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for thegarbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always.’

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t want to interrupther.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on theTV?”I said “Dust!”

I love it . . . these were the good old days when humor didn’t have tostart with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words . . . “God Bless” with abig smile on his face.Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how yourespondto it.