With two books snagging national attention and Lord knows how many more on the way ("Needles in the Haystack: How Barry's Steroid Use Touched off the Mad Cow Epidemic"), can the Giants' ballpark remain a united Barry Bonds stronghold?

Will the local yard become a house divided, literally, with wedding-style seating? Left arrow: "Those in denial." Right arrow: "Ye of little faith."

That won't happen, so the two philosophical factions will intermingle. Awkward City. Mix in a few boatloads of beer and let the lively debating begin.

Not since the City was split along Montana-Young lines has there been such potential for hard feelings between grandstand neighbors. If I ran the Giants' show, I'd quietly put ballpark security on at least mauve alert.

More deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots:

-- Vic "the Slick" Conte swears investigators are lying when they say he threw Bonds under the BALCO bus when the feds raided his lab. The investigators stick to their story that Conte sang Barry's name loud and clear.

That's a tough one. Do you believe the guy whose concept of fair play and integrity led to a worldwide doping scandal? Or do you believe the people who forgot to bring their tape recorder, and who may somehow be linked with people leaking secret grand jury testimony? Find the good guys, win big prizes.

-- You know how one moment frozen in time can define a story? Like Rafael Palmeiro pointing his finger? The whole ugly USA misadventure in the WBC can be summed up with a photo of home plate ump Bob Davidson, his umpiring rep about to take a big hit, giving U.S. manager Buck Martinez a chummy chuck on the arm before overruling the correct call and robbing Japan of a run, a rally and possibly a game.

-- Bud Selig can't find a copy of "Game of Shadows," so he's going to wait for the movie, in which Bonds will be played by Paula Abdul in drag.

-- In the Cal-N.C. State game Friday night, the refs stopped play in the second half to check TV replays of a Cal 3-pointer. They took about a minute, saw the Cal shooter's foot on the line, called the shot a 2-pointer. Done. Now flash to the WBC, where umps robbed Japan and Mexico on calls that could have been fixed with a quick peek at a TV monitor. Selig would look into this if he wasn't tied up with the Shoeless Joe investigation.

-- A recent column here saluted my mythical All-Dysfunctional Baseball Hall of Fame team. Alas, I left several deserving miscreants off the squad. Hey, assembling this team is a work in progress, but here are some shoo-ins I left out: Whitey Ford, self-proclaimed member of Beer Drinkers' HOF and scuffball artist (thanks, Jon Rathjen). And, as fingered by my colleague Bruce Jenkins: Tris Speaker and Joe Wood, who, along with Ty Cobb (already on my team), were accused of fixing a game in 1919; Fergie Jenkins, busted with hash; Wade Boggs ("Legendary adulterer," notes Jenkins, "and responsible for the wave of fast-food chicken places in the '80s."), and Heinie Manush ("First player ever named after a rear end.")

-- Sunny Ho is a jockey at Golden Gate Fields who scuffled for mounts and rode long shots. He hasn't ridden a winner this year. He sustained severe head injuries in a spill on March 1 and was near death. A call went out, via this column and other media and track outlets, for contributions to help Ho's wife and teenage son.

An update: Track doctor David Seftel says Ho is making "excellent progress," though he has a long way to go. The track has received hundreds of letters and donations, many from the Chinese community. Seftel says, "The outpouring of support and generosity has deeply moved Sunny and his family. The cards and sentiments have brought tears to his eyes."

"Dear Sunny: I read about you in the newspaper and felt so touched that I started a fund for you. I brought a box into my third-grade class and told them about your tragic accident. They were very sad to hear about it, so they brought money. At recess time, I went around with some friends collecting donations for you and your family. Here's the money I collected: $142.46.

"I ride, too, and love horses. I would have done the exact same thing you did, riding horses that no other jockey wanted to ride. Your friend, Isabel J."

Isabel enclosed a picture she drew of Ho riding a winner at Golden Gate Fields.