Sunday, 9 February 2014

Arsenal forget to turn up for game

Arsenal players are in trouble today after forgetting to turn up for a scheduled match with Liverpool on Saturday afternoon.

I didn't make this, it's from a football forum. I think

Fans of the club were confused when Arsene Wenger didn't appear to realise that he hadn't put any players on the pitch, and later annoyed and then depressed as Liverpool absolutely Pardewed the team at the top of the league.

Despite several thousand fans making the journey North, Mesut Özil didn't and was found passed out on the floor of his bedroom after realising that he gets all 9 seasons of The Office US on Netflix after changing the DNS settings on his Apple TV. Ho ho ho I jest. Actually he did play but he was fucking shite.

source: whoscored.com

So bad was Özil, in fact, that he scored the lowest rating of any Premier League outfield player for the entire season on WhoScored.com. 4.3. There were times in the game that I actually wondered whether he knows that he's allowed to run, or try, if he wants to, but instead he just floats around lamenting Giroud's inability to score 30 yarders every week like Ronaldo.

Most people checking the scores on their phone probably thought Liverpool got lucky and the 90 minutes was over when they saw it was 4-0, but actually the match was in about the 30th minute by the time England's resident hubcap thieves had found themselves ahead by that score.

Wenger admitted that it might have been slightly his fault that his players were so bad, but across the board they were awful. And to counter that, Liverpool were absolutely magic. Michael Owen was very excited during his co-commentary and refused to rule out Liverpool for winning the league and also said that Daniel Sturridge is one of the best strikers in the world (lol). Ahh well. His commentary might be biased, but at least it's shit.

They are only six points off I guess. Brendan Rodgers was very happy with the performance and if there's one thing he needs it's more reasons to look smug