Photography

Welcome to the Khaos! I've never been much of a people pleaser. I learnt from a young age that you can't please everyone all the time, so why bother? Now I only put my energy into pleasing the people that matter to me, the people I love and that love me. Because what's the point in trying to be something you're not for people who are just going to judge you, or be conditional in how they feel about you? As a result I'm quite a spiky person to get to know, you can either take me as I am or take a running jump... off a cliff.

In the long run it worked out to be a brilliant plan, because now I only spend time with people that I would quite happily take a brick to the face for. I'd like to say bullet, but let's not get carried away! The only problem is, as much as I love these people, I still find it hard to be completely open with all of them, which is ridiculous, because I know they're not going anywhere, hell they've had plenty of chances! I think it's because I spent half my life hiding the fact I was a nutcase, I just got so carried away and hid everything else away with it. So this is me, taking a massive leap and proving to myself, that I can be open, it's not going to kill me to let people in and despite serious paranoia issues, I can in fact trust people. Some people.

So this is for the people who loved me when I was at my best, and didn't run away when I was at my worst. The people who were brave enough to stand by me, no matter what I threw at them. The people who have never stabbed me in the back or let me down. The people who didn't make me feel like a failure when I cried. The people who dragged me, kicking and screaming to hospital to save my life. The people who didn't judge me for being a nutter. The people who keep me going when I want to give in. The people who let me be me, and loved me anyway.

Although I may disappear for weeks or months at a time, I still miss you. Although I may be tactless and harsh, I still love you. Although I pretend I can take on the world, I still need you and although I hardly let you in, I still trust you. So welcome to the side of me I rarely let you see, the dark thoughts and the nightmares that make up half of me.

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