In the spring of 2006, the Parks and Rec department in the city of Boise asked me to construct a creative installation within Ann Morrison Park. After brainstorming for many moons and cumulatively consuming what was roughly a 7-11 Double Gulp’s worth of espresso, I embarked on my most avantgarde masterpiece to date, an opus which would finally provide a concise and definitive answer to the ever pondered question, “WHAT IS ART?”

The department provided me with a handsome budget of $25,000 and with that seed, I gathered the best ventriloquists in town and hired them to help plant and sow what would eventually become the modern-day, rival to Stonehenge. Construction went smoothly and moral was high, but most importantly, watching and listening to a group of ventriloquists talk amongst themselves was a delightful experience.

Though this archipelago of statuettes was still an untitled work of art at the time of the red carpet unveiling, lightning struck twice and I was hit with a second wave of brilliance when the Governor was overheard muttering, “He just erected a bunch of picnic tables in a row?” The genius of those words echoed in my mind before finally settling in to the meticulously curated title, “PICNIC ERECTIONS.” It was succinct. It was bold. It was daring. It was like an early millennial bag of Doritos. The timeless pièce de résistance of Ann Morrison Park was finally named and as it is such, so also as such is it unto the public.

It stood for a total of 52 majestic hours before meeting its untimely demise when a three legged dog at a birthday party accidentally tipped one of the end tables over and began an unfortunate chain reaction.