#57 Blazed Love

by Steve Belanger

It was the house. The house with the story. It wasn’t even really a house anymore. It was just a lot with a charred footprint of the structure that had stood there before. The story behind the house that was no longer a house was that the couple who lived there burned the place down. Not by malice or forethought, but through spontaneous human combustion. Actually, when folks told the story, they used the phrase “simultaneous spontaneous combustion,” because it added a touch of alliteration and panache. What was left of the young couple had been found entwined on the bed, caught in flagrante delicto. Ironic since that literally translates to “in blazing offense.”

That was the story, anyway. The truth wasn’t nearly as romantic. You see, about a year before the husband had been flummoxed by a squeaking in their bedframe that he just couldn’t seem to quiet. Eventually, he found one metal bolt that he thought might be the culprit. Tearing a tissue in half, he wrapped it around the bolt. No more squeak. That quick fix solved the problem for almost a year, until one night, when an adventurous night of lovemaking dislodged it just a tiny bit. The motion of the metal bolt created just enough of a spark to set that lonely piece of tissue ablaze. It quickly enveloped the bed and the distracted lovers within. The rest was up to the fire department.

It wasn’t simultaneous spontaneous combustion, but that’s a much better story.