Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4649

In Good Company
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?", she exclaimed.
The daughter replied: "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?", he exclaimed.
The daughter replied: "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
"What are you doing?", he asked.
He replied: "Watching the game with my son-in-law." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4650

The Good Old Days
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said: "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had."
The old man, feeling a bit obliged, leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said: "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man, again feeling obligated, reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated: "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine."
This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked: "Was it something I said? Where are you going?"
The old man looked at her and replied: "I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4651

Family Issues
A guy goes into a bar and orders five shooters. The bartender asks him: "Geez, guy, are you OK?"
The guy answers: "I just found out my brother is gay."
The same guy goes into the same bar a week later and orders 10 shooters. The bartender again asks him: "Are you OK?"
The guy answers: "I just found out my other brother is gay."
Next week, the guy goes into the bar and orders 15 shooters.
"Geez, doesn't anyone in your family like girls?" the bartender asks.
"Yes," replies the guy: "my sister."
Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4652

Spank Him Again
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
The little boy responded: "Spank him again. He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place!" Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4653

Sex Problem
This guy visits the doctors and says: "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife: "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."
She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.
He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either." Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4654

Happy Hunting
An 80-year-old man was having his annual check-up when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!", he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment then said: "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued: "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?", the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied: "No."
The doctor continued: "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man: "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor. Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4655

200 Miles From Here
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said: "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
"Who was that?", the husband asked.
"I don't know," the wife replied: "some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'" Ryan Murphy