Follow me as I move beyond parenthood into childfree infertility resolution -- things may not have worked out how we'd hoped, but "success" is redefine-able!

Monday, April 20, 2015

#Microblog Mondays: The Big Sigh

I went for my first regular OB/GYN appointment with my new (old) practice today, the first appointment where I am not a person trying to conceive.

I dutifully filled out all of my history paperwork and the dastardly Patient Portal interrogation that seemed to never end.

I put in all of my many procedures, my two pregnancies, and my zero live births.

And then I sat there, in the room wearing my open-to-the-front gown and my crinkly paper lap blanket for the modesty I've really pretty much lost along this journey, and waited for the doctor to come in.

I could hear him flipping through my paperwork in his office next door. And I could hear the exact moment where he came across my infertility memorial, my list of casualties, my war wounds.

I heard a big sigh, and then a quiet "oh, god."

It was strangely validating to have a medical professional be stricken by my medical history in this arena.

The first words he said to me after the usual pleasantries were, "I am so sorry for the hell you've been through."

It felt so good to have that pain acknowledged, to have that history discussed as atypical for its depth and breadth and sheer bad luck, to hear from someone outside of the fertility world that "you really couldn't have tried any harder," to be enthusiastically congratulated on the decision to adopt, and to have my wonky cycles thoroughly problem-solved for regularity with minimal medication now that conceiving isn't on the priority (or, really, possibility) list. A+ for sensitivity and thoroughness, new OB/GYN.

16 comments:

I am so glad that your doctor was sensitive and compassionate about your infertility health history and that he was focused on addressing your current issues. Why doctors and nurses don't seem to understand that you can hear them on the other side of the door surprises me. But, fortunately this was important validation for you and I'm glad that he continued to show his concern while caring for you.

I'm glad, too. It seemed like an involuntary noise to some extent, but yeah-- definitely interesting that they think those doors and walls are made of titanium or something when it's more like cardstock. I sure appreciate the concern and care that was given!

Oh, this made me tear up. It is so true that you have been through your own personal hell - a war that has left you with so many wounds - and I am so glad that your doctor gave you that reaffirming validation and acknowledgement of your pain, as well as support for your next steps! Thank goodness you have a doctor who cares; it makes such a difference.

It really does make such a difference. I feel like they should offer infertility sensitivity training because of other OB/GYNs (and some nurses) who aren't so sensitive, to people who have been through hell without a pregnancy and those who become pregnant and then are treated like any other person who conceived without trauma. It really was such a nice experience, I would love for more people to have that!

Oh no, I'm glad that you booted your old GYN, because there's nothing worse than having an experience that's a trigger in itself and then having someone insensitive make it worse. A good GYN is worth their weight in gold.

Yay for compassionate doctors. Not that most aren't, this one just seemed especially attuned to the difficulties and the pain you've gone through. I'm glad you're seeing this new provider and that he seems like a good fit.

Yes! He is definitely a good fit. I think there's a general sensitivity that most doctors have, but to have that extra layer of empathy is so appreciated after everything. The OB/GYN appointment is a traumatizing experience for me now, and this made it... not. Yay indeed!

Yes! I really hope they can figure out the cycle thing in a way that won't make me crazy, wondering if I could be pregnant (when clearly that's not very likely). It was so nice to have a GOOD lady doctor experience!

About Me

I am a married 41 year old special education teacher. I was on the path to mommyhood for seven and a half years before we made the difficult yet necessary decision to resolve our journey childfree. Our battle with PCOS and male factor infertility through 7 IUIs, 5 fresh IVF cycles (one with DS), 2 frozen transfers, and a fresh DE IVF cycle, a DE FET, a DS FET, 3 cancelled cycles, an ectopic pregnancy, an early miscarriage, and two and a half years of the adoption process ended in May 2017 with the realization that our quest for parenthood was endangering the life we have and the cost of persistence was too great to continue. It's been a long journey, and now our new reality is beginning. We look forward to the promise of our life together -- thank you for being a part of it!