What It Feels Like to Experience Anxiety in a Relationship

Anxiety is an oft-misunderstood experience—even more so when it involves romance. Here, we delve into the particulars of anxiety in relationships.

Love is perhaps the strongest force on Earth. Poets give their hearts for it. Artists sing the most beautiful lines about it. Truly, love is perhaps the most powerful emotion you can feel. It can make you feel great joy, as well as great sadness.

What makes love the most beautiful thing you can ever experience is the profound effect it has on your life. When you are happy and in love, you experience feelings of euphoria. There is nothing quite like feeling true love—love that you can feel with every fiber of your being. There is nothing like love that makes you feel whole and complete. But what happens when you feel a pang in your heart with the person you love?

When there is more sorrow than joy

Anxiety in a relationship is perhaps one of the most daunting experiences in existence. It can leave a profound impact on both your relationship and your quality of living. Anxiety in a relationship happens when you feel that the relationship has you by the throat, almost suffocating you.

Having anxiety in your relationship can be caused by many things. For one thing, you may no longer trust your significant other. When you lose trust in a relationship, everything can go awry. Uncertainty becomes a major issue. It is like taking out a boat into the middle of the ocean, not sure of where you are going. What does anxiety in a relationship feel like? Can you ever recover from these unwelcome feelings?

#1 It is like having your heart torn from your chest. When you feel anxiety in a relationship, it is both painful and devastating. What is even worse about having anxiety in relationship is that you feel you are caught in an unsettling place between misery and happiness.

You may feel happy when you are with your love… but your happiness might be accompanied by feelings of fear, regret, or uncertainty. You feel like you are forever having an internal debate with your heart: you want to go one way, but your heart is leading you in an entirely different direction. In the end, you find yourself more lost than ever. [Check out: 10 signs you’re lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it]

#2 You feel like everything will, inevitably, end. When you get into a relationship, you cannot help but hope and dream for a future together. Though you can never know what the future will bring, you can only hope for happiness and dream for the best. But what happens when you feel like everything will end? The kisses, the sweet nothings, the moments together—all gone, with nothing left but memories.

#3 It is like continuing to linger where you feel you no longer belong. What is it like to be haunted by your own relationship? It is often described as feeling like a ghost as your soul wanders. You may feel doomed to wander aimlessly, while trying to pick up the pieces of your heart. In a relationship with anxiety, you may feel like you are stuck in a situation you no longer belong in.

#4 It is like trying to find your way in the dark. Having anxiety in a relationship is very much like wandering into an unlit room where you stumble all over yourself. You find yourself trying desperately to familiarize yourself with your surroundings, but in the end, you find that it is a hopeless folly. Your vision becomes blurry, and you try, in vain, to find slivers of light in your relationship. Usually, this manifests in trying to find reasons to stay together, but coming up empty every time. [Try: How to fall out of love when you see no future]

#5 It is harboring feelings of resentment over everyone’s happiness. When you feel anxiety in a relationship, you experience feelings of misery rather than happiness. When unhappiness sets in, you start to feel it clawing at your heart.

You no longer see your significant other as someone who makes you happy. In fact, you resent them, and find yourself suffering in silence. You may even have deep feelings of resentment for couples who seem happier than you. It will eventually eat away your soul, and you may find yourself growing hardened and embittered.

#6 It is finding yourself in a manic loop of irrepressible feelings. When you find yourself trapped in the never-ending cycle of manic depressiveness, you cannot move forward. Being caught up in your runaway emotions can make you blind to the truth. You may be unsure of what you will do next, or how you truly feel. It is like having all your logic torn from you, as you drown in endless panic.

#7 It is losing all hope in what you had once held dear. Feeling anxiety in a relationship can lead to you losing hope in it altogether. You no longer see a happy future for yourselves. In fact, you have said goodbye to the beautiful fantasies you’d planned and dreamed of. Unfortunately, when you lose hope, the relationship is usually doomed to fail. [Read: 9 ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love]

Anxiety in a relationship takes a toll on your emotions. Each day becomes a struggle, and needs to be dealt with using every last ounce of energy you can muster. It is very much like being left out in the cold, while the fire of your love has all but died down.

Can we survive?

Overcoming anxiety in a relationship is possible, but you have to ask yourself, “Are we worth saving?” If you firmly believe the relationship is worth saving, ask yourself another question: “Am I willing to change, even if my significant other doesn’t?”

Not all relationships are worth saving. There are those that have been doomed right from the start, while others fade away slowly. Decide for yourself if you want to keep holding on, or if you believe it is time to let go.

You can only change yourself. You are going to have to accept that you can never change your partner, no matter how much you beg, plead, or cry. No amount of prayer is going to change your partner, either.

Perhaps the best way to encourage your partner to make a change is to change your own behavior and reactions, and become the best version of yourself–which includes accepting your anxiety in relationships and treating yourself with love and respect.

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Colleen Anne Javellana
I'm a quirky and passionate individual who believes in True Love. I live for deep conversations and a good novel to read. I am in love with Life, and I want to ...