Monday, June 16, 2008

This Just In: RTMS Attends Media Extravaganza!!!

I make certain sacrifices for anonymity, and one of those sacrifices is that I'm not invited to very many places. Instead, I'm "tipped off." Today, I was "tipped off" by a certain insider that there would be a big press conference in Astor Place at 1:00pm at which something bike-related would be announced. On top of that, various luminaries would also be present. So, since it was lunchtime and the weather was good and I was curious about the luminaries, I figured I'd head on over.

Basically, what they announced at the press conference was that this summer, for three Saturdays in August, certain streets in Manhattan will be car-free for part of the day, a program modeled after the Ciclovia in Bogota, Colombia. You can read a little bit more about it here on Streetsblog and on Gothamist, and I'm sure now that it's been officially announced there will be more details available elsewhere as well. I'd love to give you more details myself, but unfortunately I was standing close to the luminaries and far from the speakers so it was almost impossible to hear anything apart from the street noise.*

*(Update: in the interest of actual information, here's the press release and map.)

And who were those luminaries? Well, Paul Steely White from Transportation Alternatives was there. (I told him he had a nice ass and he seemed oddly flattered.) Also, Janet Sadik-Khan, the DOT Commissioner was there, as was David Byrne (who I'm pleased to report seems to be recovering nicely from his drunk cycling accident), Mayor Michael Bloomberg (of course) and, of all people, Lance Armstrong. I was especially pleased that Lance was there, because it gave me an opportunity to give him my thank-you gift much sooner than I'd expected. (If you're wondering, he seemed very pleased with it. Who wouldn't be?)

As far as the press conference itself, since I couldn't hear anything I confess my mind wandered a bit. I'm afraid I also didn't take pictures of the luminaries, since as an anonymous writer I actually don't like sticking my camera in peoples' faces, even at a press conference. (Exposed buttocks on the Brooklyn Bridge notwithstanding.) And an internet image search will yield tons of pictures of all those people anyway. However, I did take some pictures, which should give you a good idea of what it was like to be there:

The VIP bike parking. I'm guessing these belong to people like David Byrne and the Transportation Alternatives people. I was forced to lock up to a nearby lightpost. Fortunately the policeman was looking in the general direction of my bike, so I had a false sense of security.

The press. The various luminaries are to my left. As you can see the cameras are pointed at them. That's why I choose to remain anonymous.

Car-free Saturdays may be green, but this press conference was not. In fact, it spelled "death" for the local flora, which was trampled by inconsiderate bystanders. (I'd have laid down in front of the flowers to save them, but they'd have trampled me instead had I dared to block their precious view of Armstrong and I didn't want to soil my Primal jersey.)

Oh, "The Love Guru" is coming out. It didn't take long for the questions from the press to veer away from bikes and towards boring stuff like this whole OTB business, so between keeping an eye on my bike and anxiously checking the time this is the sort of thing I occupied myself with.

So there you have it. Will car-free Saturdays be a success? Has Paul Steely White finally learned his lesson about exposing himself? Will Michael Ball's autograph finally inspire Lance Armstrong to accomplish something? Only time will tell.

And you may ask yourselfHow do I work this blog?And you may ask yourselfWhere is that tall bike?And you may tell yourselfThis is not my beautiful blog!And you may tell yourselfThis is not my beautiful wife!Letting the days go by/let the water hold me downLetting the days go by/water flowing undergroundInto the blue again/after the sticker money's goneOnce in a lifetime/water flowing underground.Letting the days go by/into the silent waterOnce in a lifetime/water flowing underground

And you may ask yourselfWhat is that beautiful bike?And you may ask yourselfWhere does that bike lane go?And you may ask yourselfAm I right?...Am I bitter?And you may say to yourselfMY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Snob, thanks for covering this event of great concequence for us. You have a gift for looking at the convoluted and extracting only the important. Like a human BS filter. I hear NBC is looking for a new newsman, man. You should apply. Press the Meat hosted by NewsSnobNBC, now that's a news show I would be proud to watch.

The irony of trampled flora at a 'green' event reminds me of the end Burning Man. After a week of peace, drugs, and nudity, cars jockey for access to the one road out of the playa while drivers give each other the finger in fits of road rage.

A few years ago I attended a New York City Critical Mass. The end destination was a community garden in the Bronx. The residents of the South Bronx cheered as the cyclists rode by to their community garden, which the cyclists then proceeded to totally trash. That was May 2004. At the time, after watching what went on with that ride I though "man, this thing is headed for trouble". Two months later it headed right into NYPD-type trouble.

Yesterday I was at the commercial drive car-free festival in Vancouver. What started as your typically quixotic 'bikes-will-save-the-world-from-all-its-ills' event and street hockey game has in a few short years become one big $15 massage and Nepalese purse sale event. Maybe NY's car-free experiment will close the gap and get to total commercialisation in two years. Perhaps Mr. Ball can help there. Or as he might say, 'their.'MB

You would have thought that the press would have written about that, instead of Lance out in cottage country with that Kate Hudson non-cyclist person. I think she has a nice ass, though, but wonder if it compares to that of Paul Steely White. Snob, perhaps you could post some photos and let us rate them instead of taking us back to that nightmare moment on the Brooklyn Bridge.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!