The Yellow piece was a gorgeous one. I really like it alot. But i reckon it was an impulse purchase because the moment i received the physical piece, i realise it is really NOT ME at all.
Chiffon and all, i dont really like it afterall but i still thought it is a very pretty dress, the color is so awww, it just makes anyone feel a tad lighter in this hot weather.

I honestly contemplated for very long, (2days? is long enough for me) before making the decision to sell it.It is so new and never been worn before.

But anyway, i have other clothes for CNY and they are mostly working attires (sadness) and honestly, i didnt buy much clothes this year, because CNY has been boring though it is 1 of my fav festivals. I do not have much relatives to visit, friends are mostly bz visiting, so i doubt i m hanging out much, thus CNY is just an excuse for me to shop, n i intend to stop using this excuse to shop so much this time.

As i mentioned above, the original price Love Bonito is selling @ $32 and i am letting it go at $30, it is brand new, no defects, never even tried on before.

I have been taking care of myself recently. Not that i have been torturing myself in the past (come to think of it, i kinda tortured myself in the past. LOL)

“Like How?” – you ask.

Well, i used to party non stop and my highest record was 6 days a week, sometimes 7 days straight, but i was really young back then, maybe 20 or younger.
I remember during that time, Romance, Fun, Parties, all activities that are not constructive appeal so much to me.
Drinking from the bottle itself is like heaven, smoking non stop is nothing unhealthy in my eyes, it is just for me to catch / absorb more air into the throat and feel damn shiok (twisted logic and i feel like slapping myself now).
I DONT do drugs though. I was offered drugs since 14year old but i refused to touch it because i know i am quite weak in disciplining myself. Like smoking, some people can control themselves, and not get addicted but i got addicted heavily ever since i started smoking at 14yr old (i am 27 now and thats 13 years of smoking). I refused to touch drugs because i do not want to get addicted to it, i know there are drugs that will not get you addicted but honestly, i think that ADDICTION DOESNT necessary mean that YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE PRODUCT ITSELF, ADDICTION CAN BE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE HABIT.

Anyway, more on ADDICTION later.

Back to the Unhealthy (old) me. Yea, i lost alot of weight back then and i wonder why, perhaps i was always emo after all the drinking, and the bad relationships i had with the wrong people. It was just Shit lah.
I smoked more than i eat, i think. I love the slim body back then but i seriously look tired and disgusting.
However, because my skin is still Okay as per se, thus i always conceal and hide through cosmetics, not really thick make ups but normal make up.

I forgot for how long have i been leading that kinda life and to be honest, it was tiring. Physically/ Mentally and Spiritually.So this was around 2000 – 2006? I seriously cant rem!

Then, i got into much stable relationships and i party lesser or infact, i kinda got myself outta the party scene.

But, those r/s didnt last long, sad but true, although i was MORE serious (i am serious all the time but by 24, i am almost thinking of ‘settling dwn’ and marriage might be in consideration) in the r/s when i was older ( i think i am around 24 then).
It was never 1 party’s fault, i was not suitable for the exes and neither are they worth loving and blahblah.
So you know, i heard this from some1 really successful – the most difficult thing on earth is finding the right person as a lifetime soulmate and partner. Thus, despite my (you may say many) failed relationships, i tried not to blame anyone or myself.Year 2008??

After ending those r/s, you must be thinking “Valencia must be back to those crazy party days again”
Nope i didnt really return to those party days but i kinda worked with a nightlife company.
People who know me will know which company is it and i am always at Clarke Quay, that is.
Although i market (marketing) the different F&B outlets and Entertainment Clubs, i am NOT ONLY required to work in the day but i am also required to hang around the clubs at night, sometimes, till wee hours. Needless to say, i have countless nights of spending time entertaining and Drinking is inevitable.
Sometimes my mum would even ask me “what are you wrking exactly, y r u drunk and all?” HAHAHA
And of course, Smoking is inevitable too, especially when you are a smoker and the business associates smoke too.

That was when i was single, i spent all my time at work and my ex colleagues smoke alot too (most of them). So, what i did besides working hard was Smoking, Partying, Drinking and it repeated for approximately 1 year.This was in 2009 (approx).

Then, i got attached to the philandering ex bf Adrian and i guess you know what happened after that. I got abused and all for another 1 year.
I was already looking like a zombie by then (according to my mum LOL) I didnt sleep well, didnt eat well, i smoked alot and i have bruises all over me and i really dont recognise myself.
If i were to see Me now – the Valencia 1 year ago , I really will cry for myself.Year 2010- First half of 2012

So…the above account for the unhealthy me for the pass…wait, i have to count because it was the longest time and it felt like forever….
Ok, the Unhealthy me for the pass 13 years (i reckon i should start counting from 14 because i started smoking back then).

Let me do a short summary of my health and well being after the 13 years of crazy torture to myself.

Hair – Dry and frankly, i do not know how my lifestyle can affect the hair but i reckon my hair was forever stained with smoke and smelling bad back then.

Face – Worst part of the body. WORST. DRY LIKE CORNFLAKES (dont ask me y cornflakes. i just feel so) The Skin peels like mad, dry to the max and nothing more than just being Dry. SIGH. Now you know what they say about smokers’ skin condition? IT IS SO TRUE. YELLOWISH AND JUST DAMN DRY.

Body – Weight infatuated. Fat, lost weight and then Fat again. Tired of all these.

Mental – Totally Depressed. Severe Depression, because of the stress from work, the miscom in family, the hurtful relationships. I was referred to Shrinks (my family were very very very protective of me, they know that i am not unsound, they know that i was just too stress at that moment)

I am 27 but i already felt like 37 after going through all that physical and mental torment.

So what now? Yeap, i have been taking care of myself, at least, for the past few mths and esp the recent 1 mth of 2013. haha.
I am not writing about some 2013 resolutions because i mentioned i do not believe in resolutions. If a person wana b better, it can be anytime and not relying on making some resolutions that most cant keep.

After 1 decade of crazy torture to myself, i finally started to Love myself aplenty and be more careful with the way i live.
I know it is kinda late as i am already over mid twenties.
The smart and disciplined ones started maintaining a healthy body since 21 or even teenage.But BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
I said that because i still see or know people who party non stop, drinking non stop, smoking and doing whatever that harm the body non stop at late 20s to even 60s. OMG PLS.

But anyway, i got this message nagging me during the end of 2012. Infact, i have this naggy voice telling me to quit smokingsince 2011. But i brushed it aside because it was impossible to me back then. I was so heavily addicted, without cigarettes- i cant sleep, i cant do anything and i will feel frustrated.
Previously, I even threw my stuff around, flaring up because i couldnt find a lighter to light the cig.
That was how extreme i was and that was how much i would do for a cig.
I remember that i was very broke at one point of my life, i only have $ enough for 4 packets of rice (which can last me for 2 days!) OR 1 packet of cigs.
I bought the cigs without thinking at all. Back then, i can do without food but i cant do without cigs.
Again, thats how much i would do for cigs, and thats how deeply addicted i am.

So anyway, back to the naggy voice…It was very soft and honestly, the normal Valencia you know – WILL NEVER SAY YES TO QUIT (smoking).
I have discouraged i-cant-rem how many friends from quitting (i was a crap, i noe)
Thus, i do not know who spoke that idea of ‘quitting’ into my heart and brain and it turned into a burden. TOTAL BURDEN.

The voice was getting louder and louder till i cant take it and i just told myself in Dec 2012 that i will STOP COMMITTING MYSLF TO SMOKING. Yeap, Stop smoking lah.

Do you think i can do it? I tell you the truth, it was DIFFICULT AS I DONT KNOW WHAT, for the 1st week. During the first 3 days, i almost wanted to …i didnt know how to not smoke. Really, i do not know how to not smoke, just like you asking a non smoker to smoke, he/she wun know how to smoke or how to light the cig and how to inhale and exhale right?
I really do not know what to do without smoking. The worst parts were after meals, the morning sticks and the sticks before sleep. TERRIBLE.

I can assure you, it is not easy, those that say it is easy are just bullsh*tting because they are proud.
HAHA. Ok lah, my Personal experience was really bad and it was not easy at all.

Those Preachy talks about “if you have determination to do something, you can and will do it”…But, as cliché as it sound, it really work that way.
NOTHING, and i mean it. NOTHING help if you do not really WANT TO DO IT.

I dont know how i did it, but i can be very frank with you, even up till now, i still have that urge, now and then. ESPECIALLY when i am feeling upset.

Maybe, just maybe, God really knows how to help me. Even if it means, using my weak point.
Why i say that? Because i am super LAZY. I am really super LAZY, i shall not explain but trust me that i am super lazy. (rem i said something about self-discipline?) Ok, 1 eg. I dont like to walk down to the shop to buy food for lunch, so most of the time, i just dont eat or during weekends, i find food at home to feed myself. I am lazy to even walk that few steps to the Hawker.

Thus, the moment i finished smoking the last stick i had, i never buy another box of Ciggies. Because i am lazy. I am lazy to walk to any Mama shop or 7-11 to buy. Not only that, it helps too when i see myself less broke, and i can buy more dresses since i stopped buying ciggies.I HONESTLY FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF AND NTG ELSE. HAHA

I can’t list the whole list of Pros (of quitting) but you already know the Cons of smoking yea. Everyone will eventually die 1 day, thus many people smoke and enjoy ‘the-moment’ now. These people (i am not being judgemental because i truly understand what a smoker feels and think) have the YOU-ONLY-LiVE-ONCE mentality and smoking seriously is like a “frustration-quencher” (watermelon juice- a thirst- quencher analogy because usually you feel better after smoking if you are upset) I really understand all that from a Smoker’s point of view. But there are def more pros than cons, you knew it.

Health: I dont know about you (if you smoke), but for me, i do not want to risk dying younger than i should because i really really treasure my life now more than b4, i treasure my family alot to die young.

Image: I do not want to die ugly.
Smoking causes stains here and there, teeth and nails and it makes a person smell so bad in and out. Thats enough to cause inferiority.
I also tend to hide in a corner to smoke most of the time because i really hate the smoking image. No matter how pretty a woman can be, the moment she holds a cig, it changes everything. (Tell me it doesnt? Tell me any guy that will feel proud bringing u back to their parents? Tell me you smoke infront of your friends’ parents and expect the parents to like you? )

Mental: I do not want to feel ugly.
Most of the times, i dont even dare to admit to people that i smoke but people usually smell it. I am so embarrassed and ashamed (dont ask me why am i ashamed, i just dont feel proud)

Financial: I want to be richer and i am getting more and more cautious as i am older because my savings now aint the amount i desire to have.
Again, not sure about you but i spend ard hundreds per mth and honestly, with these $, i see myself doing more constructive things. Like- dolling myself up because at my age, i want to maintain looking youthful and i do not want to resort to botox, thus i rather spend on skincare and more clothes.

Yep. I didnt break this news earlier on because i am always a person who speaks after action. I will only announce it after i have succeeded doing it. It holds more weight though i am not trying to convince anyone Nor impress anyone but i just like to do it before saying it.

However, as i confessed, i still have the urge to smoke sometimes, though not often.
I did accepted 2 sticks from a friend who offered (and yea, i gave in to temptation then) after not smoking for a month.
But i am still trying right? So please dont judge! But you can pray for me though. 🙂

I managed to be free from the addiction not only due to my own determination but also, i owe this to God. I prayed to Jesus, so many times during those tough times, i prayed for Him to take away my urge and honestly, i really do not remember having much urges.
Of course, there are people tt commented tt i always use the name of Jesus too often and too much. Well, thats my belief, and i do believe He did help me along because whenever i spend time praying the urge away, i feel i do not need a stick at all. Call it psychological effects but i believe in my heart, it is God that helps me along 🙂 Thank God!

Remember what i said about Addiction? I had very bad flu and all for the 1st 2 to 3 days, i felt sick during that few days of withdrawal symptoms.
But trust me, after all the so-called after-effects, it is no longer the nicotine nor cig itself that holds u back.
It is your Habit, It is Yourself.

I always believe it is easy to break addiction to a product (Unless you are talking about Heroin) but it is NOT Easy to break a Habit.
Alot of people said that they are addicted but i personally feel that they do not know what they are addicted to. Are they addicted to Cigarettes or are they addicted to Smoking?
Cigarette is a product while Smoking is an action, a habit.
Thus, when you say you are addicted, you must be aware that you are addicted to a Habit and Not the product.
I mean, you seldom hear people say “i am addicted to cigarettes”. All of the time, it is “i am addicted to smoking” Right?
And since it is a habit that you are addicted to, you must be prepared to be strong and much stronger mindset is needed to cut this nasty habit away!

I did not eat those sweets, i did not use any nicotine pad, i never chew on any gums. I just bought a Vicks Inhaler (as below) and inhale if i feel the urge. But i did not want to start another addiction thus i try not to use it so often and yea, i kinda stopped using it. I just used it during the initial difficult stage.

In conclusion, i make use of everything to break a habit. Vicks inhaler, prayers, etc. Oh, i also try to chat with Mum to distract myself, initially, it was kinda deliberate and whenever u are doing anything deliberately, it is gona remind you of what you are trying to stay distracted from.
But, as time passes, it turned into a new habit and before you know it, your old habit is being replaced, gradually. Sounds easy? But i struggled for around a month. 30days.

It is never easy to quit, but Quoting what Gary told me
“never tell yourself you are quitting because it is human nature that quitting is hard, quitting anything is hard.
Just tell yourself that you are no longer a smoker, you dont smoke.”

Some might think we are playing with words here but the difference is really huge because the word ‘Quitting’ is indeed intimidating.

If you are thinking of cutting this habit, I hope i help abit by penning down my personal experience of cutting cigarettes.

All i can say is, i have stop buying Ciggies (and nope, i dont go around asking for ciggies even though my current colleague smokes too) andI AM NOT COMMITTED TO SMOKING
(i used to have this commitment, this committed r/s with ciggies, which also means that i will look for it, like how a gf will look for her bf. i will never abandon it and i will smoke wenever i am sad or happy. similar to how a good friend will share her good and bad times with her best friend).Yep, i am no longer tied to,controlled by or bonded to the Cigarrettes Nor the action – Smoking.
I never never experience such freedom for 13 years, which is estimated 4745 days.I wont say i am very healthy now but at least i am healthier than before, i get to make the choice of whether to accept an offer from a friend OR NOT accepting. You see, cigarettes CANOT control me anymore, i am so strong that i do not need something deadly to control me anymore. I control my own mind and thinking.I do not need to be committed to Malborooooo Nor Nex Chill (cigs brands)

Btw, i went Cold Turkey because i personally dont believe in cutting down and etc. I tried cutting down and thats just crap to me, i will never stop smoking if i do not cut it off completely.
You cant say you will not have sex after foreplay right?
You cant say you will not eat the fried chicken after frying the chicken instead of steaming it right?
Point is: You run away from Temptation and Not resisting and coming near contact to it.

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”2 Timothy 2:22 New International Version (NIV)

So, btw, smoking isnt very cool nor in the trend nwadays ar? Dont know why but i realise the trend now has changed. Smoking used to be cool (to some) but not anymore – seriously.

I did not write about what harm will be done to each organ in the body – hearts, lungs, throats, noses and etc… because honestly, as a smoker previously, i dont care about all that, i only know it is bad for myself but i still do it. It is a chore to read abt all those. But i will include this helpline for you although i saved the number but i did not call them because i manged to come out of it before i even call.

Monday to Friday – 8.30am to 5.00pm
Saturday – 8.30am to 1.00pm

QuitLine
Call 1800 438 2000 (Toll-free)

Hmm, thats 1 thing off my list, 1 burden off my mind.

Next up: The body.
The body needs abit of exercising now even though i managed to get the shape back recently but i am still not as slim as before (when i was way younger, i was so skinny)
I am not Fat now, i lost weight, but i can do better, will blog more on this next time. I ought to do some workout and as usual, i will not be revealing much till after i have done it. But hints: I will prolly sign up classes that allow me to moves around and kicks around or dance around like mad! HAHAAH
Also, it is for fitness purposes lah, besides being trim, i hope i can be fitter too.

Face: I dont do facial because it is expensive and i know it does help but honestly, my skin is really quite good, according to docs, skincare specialists and friends. Thank God for that, and i dont waste $ buying packages for Facials but perhaps is time to do so…
I never put products on my face, not for the past 27 years. I know it is A MUST to slap on toners and moisturizer nightly and daily and religiously.
BUT I HAVE NEVER DONE ALL THAT till recently. Because i realised that i am reaching 30.

I mean, in all honesty, i am not exactly old but i am not teenager nor m i in the early twenties. I want to maintain looking good and even though i might not look 30, i dont want to risk looking 30. Not for anyone this time, not for Men nor friends but i feel good when i look good.
IT IS FOR MYSELF.

Thus, recently i tried SK2, i have 2 bottles of their sample (tell me small sample bottles dont work and i will ask u to talk to my hand because if it doesnt, tell me why they invent sample bottles). Moreover, i used it for around a mth+. More than enough time to tell the effects if any.
It doesnt wrk for me though. I heard alot of good reviews from others but maybe is just not suitable for me.

I tried Bio Essence. It used to work but it doesnt really bring the glow to my face. My face is really dry to an extent. Sigh. Big Sigh.
Yes, although i have no pimples and i can count with 1 hand, hw many times i actually have pimples in my 27 yrs of life. My skin is extremely dry (thus no pimples) and it turns flaky most of the time. My skin peel off itself and i cant even apply make up, i already stopped using powder and choose BB cream instead but it just doesnt sit well on my face and my whole face just look terribly flaky usually.

It is very sad whenever my skin peel off or feels tight and dry. I would try to slap on masks (sis got them frm TW and i will use them) and usually it works but i guess as time passes, it kinda lost it effects.

Desperate and din know what to do, Sis pass me a bottle of HaDa LaBo. She used it but have stopped since i dont know when. A bottle so big and she only used 1/3 of it. “i shall just give it a try, no harm” i thought. Afterall, they say in their ad that it will : 锁住一个海洋 (lock an ocean) HAHA

I must say i am amazed by it because my sis told me it is not expensive but the moment i slapped it on, i feel it hydrates my skin instantly.
I have been using it since Sunday, it is the 3rd day today and my skin is so bouncy, so hydrated, so firm (although i dont know why it feels firm because it is supposed to hydrate). I feel so good applying make up or even when i dont apply make up, i feel very good because there is a glow on my face.
Applying make up seems easier and faster, and the skin is so silky smooth. Now that i am typing this, i am feeling & touching my face (sounds psycho again but i am really doing it). It is VERY SMOOTH. If it is not baby skin, it at least has to be a toddler’s skin. Or you can describe as egg shell. glowy and smooth.
– No Flaky Skins
– No weird bumps and ugly pores problem
JUST WHITE SNOW SKIN. Looks so much healthier too!

In Just 3 Days.

I am NOT PAID to do any ad nor reviews for Hada Labo but i sincerely want to share here with readers about my personal experience because i am SO HAPPY that my face is so silky smooth now. I always have good skin as mentioned, but i have never experience the glow nor the flawless smooth skin texture before, never before (please exclude baby and toddler’s times).

Now i am happy that i finally found the right product for me!
Having said that, it works for me but it might not work for you as my Sis didnt like it cos she has oily skin and she feels uncomfy applying this.
So, result varies for individual. I shall browse their website for more products after finishing this post…

S_ ** users, time to ditch that expensive bottle of saliva (smells like it) and you know what is a better alternative! Really!

Well, i kinda spent 2 hours on this post. Terrible, i initially wanted to just upload my new picture and do some simple updates… never knew it wud be so long and naggy! If you are still reading, well thanks! Haha. Because i am lazy, i never wana do any review or beauty posts but since i am at this topic of well-being….might as well?

As for the Hair, picture below will do the talking. I personally like it alot, 10 outta 10 people commented tt i look younger than before. I feel i lost 5 years of age aft the haircut and well, i love it. However, it is pissing me off gradually as i have to blow straight the hairends every morning if not i will look like an Octopus (it curls outwards and it is not right)

Thus, i am heading over to Bbra’s to get it permed. Yes, i am gona perm it. I am praying that i wont look old because you know how curls can make a person look older.
But i trust Bbra will do a good job for me, fingers crossed!
So before it is permed, take a look at it while it is straight! 4 mre days to perm!

You may check out the skin’s condition. Both pictures- no make up. Zero make up. However 1st pic was filtered. 2nd pic is Raw.

p/s: i do not have before and after photos for my skin. My hp was faulty for the past 1 week. and i couldnt take any decent photos, moreover, the skin conditions cant be seen on pictures. It is just not obvious because i do not have acnes nor holes to start with, it is just the texture of the skin that has improved tremendously. I also do not have a picture of me before the haircut but i guess you can imagine lah, since i always post long hair pics previously. The phone is looking good, not faulty anymore but not as perfect as before. Sigh, hope it will not disappoint me again.

Managed to retrieve a picture of me having long hair over Insta for comparison (uploaded6.30pm 29/1/13):

Before

After

p/s p/s: gonna celebrate Sis’s bday this Sunday and bringing Mum to town to shop this Sat. can’t wait and then it will be CNY already. Happy CNY in advance!

p/s p/s p/s: “Besides loving others, one has to appreciate herself”
this was quoted from Leslie Cheung (my fav artiste and the late HK superstar).
This sentence also sums up the reason for this lengthy post. If you love yourself, you will find yourself being loved by many. If you love yourself, you will feel happy everyday. I have to remind myself that i Love myself, and because i love myself, i do not want to be inferior and i do not need people to label me. I can do things i want to do, i can make myself happier and healthier and i can show myself i can be happy despite situations.I do not need to rely on anyone.