Hello. She lied to me and I don't know what to do?

It started off with us taking a relationship quiz last night. The quiz was about important topics in a relationship and finding out how your partner feels and reacts to relationship issues. One of the questions stated how love is easy at the start but later on when there's real problems how we would deal with them together. I told her as long as we are honest with one another and upfront on how we felt it would be fine. But then she told me how she had added an online friend in a game we play together. I had been up front saying to her I don't think you should add him because I think you'll only get upset playing with him. I did not force my opinion on her but told her how I felt. So she had told me that day its ok I wont add him. But last night with that question she told me the truth, that she had added him as a friend. The problem is that its not that she lied I understand sometimes people do. But when she told me she lied it felt like she casually played it off. I wouldn't of had a problem if she had told me that day with that guy that she really wanted to be his friend then fine its ok I can support that. But to find it that easy to lie to me and especially when she knows I've been in past relationships where girls have lied to me. So after that question I told her that I needed time to think on the relationship. She kept saying sorry and I have 50 facebook messages. The only words I said to her was I'm hurt and disappointed not mad or angry. Other details that you might need to know is. this relation ship is only 2 months old. I believe she's a strong Christian. She's a 24 drive in away so its only been online and up until yesterday I was considering moving to be closer with her. We seem the same but for some one to lie about something so simple and over a guy to. Thank your time in reading this.

Two weeks of a relationship that's mostly taken place online is way too early to consider living. It is time to consider starting to visit one another occasionally.

As for your upset about her adding this guy to a game you play, I really think you kind of painted yourself into a corner. You took this quiz and you reassured her that being honest with one another would make things OK. She's been honest with you and you've withdrawn and are basically sulking not over her lying, but over how she told you the truth. And all of this over an action that you say wouldn't have bothered you if she just told you.

I think you need to stop hiding from her on the Internet and and talk to her. You said being honest and open and talking with make things OK, so tell her exactly what you've told us here.

You can always just ditch her and continue being upset. Or you can do what you said you do and work it through. At the very least talking to her directly is a step to learning how to deal with each other positively. Of course, you can also just dump her. Your choice.

@Wilde:
I understand that its an over reaction. I've had women lie to me before in the past and I just don't want to deal with being hurt in that way again. Its just when she said it to me she acted like it wasn't a bad thing or that it was acceptable that's the part that really hurt me. I know right now I'm more so just needing to vent and I do really appreciate your words of advice. Just seems like trust is hard to come by. But I know me and her have had a lot of talks about trust in the past. Its just when it finally came to proving it, it didn't happen. I guess as much as I understand lying in a relationship it just feel like if you end up lying to one another it should be because your trying to protect them not hurt them. Thank you again for listening.

@Anonymous:
I think it's not so much trust that's the problem here, but your fear of hurt which appears to be causing you to seek perfection. That will sabotage any relationship because every person is fallible and will eventually show you that. The most important thing to learn in relationships is how to deal with each other when there is a problem.

Here is avery wise man about love and imperfection. I hihly recommend pretty much every video on his Youtube channel, The School of Life.

As for your current dilemma, I still recommend you talk to her and tell her exactly what bothered you about the conversation during the quiz, see how she reacts, and let that help you decide what action to take.

@Wilde:
I agree and have talk to her about all Alain has just talked about because that's exactly how I view a relationship/ love as. I can never take back words that's why I had told her I need to think because I don't like basing my decisions off f emotions. She knows that I have a past and that I have been cheated on. Just as I know she has a past too. I do love her and will always talk to her. I started messaging her friend an hour ago and now me and her just messaged each other. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to about this stuff just to get it out of your head. But she knows that I want to marry her one day just as I know she wants to marry me. I know no matter what happens will be together. Thank you again for comforting me.

@Anonymous:
"I had told her I need to think because I don't like basing my decisions off f emotions." That is wise.

However, I completely agree with HikerVeg completely. And I add that your being sure you have found the one you will marry means you are completely caught up in all the unhelpful romanticism Alain is trying to wake us all from.

@wytchinghours:
She told me she wouldn't play with him then added him. And when she told me she acted as if theres nothing wrong in lying. That's what hurt cause she had told me that we would never lie to each other. So in the end my head jumps to conclusions saying what if it was a more serious matter. Aka what if she had feeling for another guy or did end up cheating on me. I just want honesty I can handle what ever it is. but I cant hand some one saying one thing then doing another.

Ask yourself why the idea of this person playing the game with her is intimidating to you. Also ask yourself why you'd put so much stock in an online quiz. Most of them are questionable to begin with.

Not to make light of your situation. Having been in a relatable situation in the past I can, to an extent, understand the concern. Telling someone to not play with someone else is a fools errand. If you two are solid then it shouldn't matter who she plays with. If you are right and she will get upset when playing with him then she should find that out for herself. All putting restrictions on that does is make you appear controlling, regardless if it is true or not. It's tough to see someone else making an unnecessary mistakes but sometimes that's the only way they learn.

Two months is NOT enough time to uproot your surroundings for someone. 6 months plus preferably a year or two. Don't consider gambling whichever it is you have now for something unproven. Easy on the trigger.

Probably a good idea to start finding ways to spend time in person with her. Take a trip and spend a week. You'll know a heck of a lot more at the end of that week.

Lastly you've explained that you disapproved of her actions. You were forthright. That is all you should need to do. Pay attention to see if she is readily willing to do things your not comfortable with and if she does then there is your answer. Keep in mind what it was though. She pressed a button in a virtual world to be around the emblem of someone she's never met before who probably with great effort badgered her into do it. We're all human and that's a pretty minor injustice.

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