What it's like to change your surname twice in one year and what to do with your wedding dress/ring/photos, ALSO I am recovering from an eating disorder relapse

We did it – Day 25 – Part 8 comes to a close

Tomorrow is my last day in Israel. I fly to instanbul in the afternoon and then back home and I’ll arrive home on Monday at 11:30

I did it.

A backpack and a tent and no plan. I hiked around the Sea of Galilee and slept in my tent next to the Jordan river. I managed to get a volunteering job when I ran out of money. Sold my tent and a lot of my belongings to pay for bus tickets to explore the country a little more.

I did it.

I wanted to go home earlier. I didn’t want to stay for the two full months. I was all alone and I knew no one. No amount of adventure could replace the love I felt back home. I was tired of living outside of my comfort zone. There were so many days where I wasn’t sure where I was going to sleep or where I was going to fill my water bottle. It was tough. There were days where I lay on the grass trying to convince myself that it was not that bad. Moments where walking to the zavitan waterfall and falling asleep next to it with a bunch of medication didn’t seem like the worst idea. Where I had to just sit and hold the fear and depression and anxiety and let it pass.

I did it.

I met people that have changed my life forever. Seen the most beautiful sights. Walked roads and hiked up mountains and I have so many blisters that my feet will never look the same, if I went for a pedicure, I would get chased away.

But I did it.

There were times where I didn’t think I could do this alone. After my marriage I felt so small- like I would never be able to do anything alone. After being told I was a child, that I was self absorbed and not intellectually stimulating. I lost all confidence and I honestly felt that I was always going to be the little girl that I was made out to be. That my eating disorder would always control me and that I was weak and I had no willpower. That I would always need help and I would never be able to survive alone because I was too fragile. Because I looked like prey. ‘You have the voice of a little girl and you nice to everyone, you can’t go camping alone in Israel with no plan’ they said.

Well I did it.

I hitchhiked with strangers who didn’t speak my language, but with smiles and hand signals we managed to understand one another. Standing on the side of the road counting on the help of a stranger to get me from A to B. I will admit that I pointed the middle finger to every car that didn’t stop for me sadly. But I’m grateful to them either way.

I did it.

I connected with strangers and learnt that we are all just winging it. No matter where we are from, we all struggle and we all love and we all have a broken heart and a broken dream. But we all have hope and we all in this thing that we call ‘life’ and we’re all in it together.

So we did it.

With courage and resilience I made it through and it’s with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to Israel and goodbye to this chapter of my life.

We did it.

With my family and friends and every person that I met on this journey. It would never have been possible without all these incredible souls. I would have given up. But because of you all, I didn’t.