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This year I was asked to be a judge in the first rounds of the ACFW Genesis Contest, a national fiction writer’s contest for unpublished writers. Since this was the same contest I finaled in last May, I wanted to give back to the contest that had done so much to launch my writing career.

So, in my “spare” time over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading contest entries. I usually read the entry all the way through to get a feel for the story. Then I go back through it again more slowly, making notes in the margins. Finally, when I’m done, I fill in both pages of the score sheet.

I count it a privilege to read the work of other aspiring writers. I know each one of them poured their hearts into their stories. I was in their position only last year, biting my nails, wondering what the judges would think of my work, waiting for that all-important feedback.

Each entry is no longer than 15 pages. I’ve never believed 15 pages is long enough to determine the worth of a story—anyone can polish up the first chapter but it takes infinitely more skill to weave the entire plot to a believable and satisfying conclusion.

While 15 pages can’t give the whole picture, I’ve realized it is enough to come to conclusions about the author’s writing skills. I’m beginning to understand why an agent can make a clear-cut decision about whether to pursue a query based on sample pages. If a writer doesn’t have a grasp of basic fiction-writing techniques, that jumps out from the first line and paragraph. And likewise, if they’ve practiced their skills, that’s evident too.

In the entries I’ve judged so far, I’ve noticed a few common first chapter “mistakes.” Here’s a short list:

Not opening with a strong enough hook. The first line. The first paragraph. Even more than that, the first scene. Each one is extremely critical and should be crafted to bait the reader into needing to find out more. I might be able to forgive a mediocre first line, but the first scene must draw me in to the story.

Waiting to begin the “real” tension and conflict. Several contest entries began with the main characters reflecting on life, thinking about their current or past situation, or contemplating doing certain activities.

First chapters should contain very little if any static. That includes conversations, meetings, or meals between characters simply for the purpose of conveying story information. It would be like writing a phone conversation and asking our reader to “watch” the characters talk to each other. How exciting is that?

Instead, find the first major conflict of the external & internal plot lines and start in the middle of them.

Too much setting up of the story. Readers don’t need to know how our characters got to the point they’re at. Throw our characters into the story and for the first chapter pretend the reader already knows as much as we do.

Readers want to piece the story together on their own. We’ll give them a more fulfilling reading experience if we let them take our small hints and finally put the character’s past together in their own time. And if we need to explain anything, we can always slide it in little by little later.

Character confusion. We can confuse our readers with too many characters in the first chapter. And we can also confuse them if we don’t put the spotlight on our main characters right away. Readers want to empathize and relate with the main character(s) from the get go.

Using too many clichés. Every writer should steer away from overused phrases, especially in the first chapter. They jump out and brand an author as amateur. We should always be striving to find unique and fresh ways to express emotions and descriptions, but it’s particularly important for the first chapter.

I’ve also noticed the tendency to use clichéd characters, reactions, and plot lines. My test for deciding if something is clichéd is this: if it sounds even vaguely like something I’ve read somewhere else, then it probably isn’t unique. If it has even a hint of cliché, then I need to dig deeper into my mental recesses and come up with something fresher.

Summary: When writing for the modern reader, the first chapter is critical. We have to captivate them in the opening pages or we might lose them altogether.

What other problems have you noticed with first chapters? Is there a particular area in your opening that you struggle with the most? And on a different note, do you think you if you were a judge or agent you could make a fair assessment about a writer’s skill from the first chapter?

316 comments:

Great stuff! I agree with all of it. There needs to be a hook and tension/conflict needs to be apparant right away.

Another thing is the importance of scenes. I need to be immersed in the story - like I'm watching a movie - right away. The only way to do this is when the writer writes via scenes (with a goal, a motivation, and a conflict to that goal).

What category are you judging? Historical Romance? Just curious if you judge the same category you finaled in.

The first chapter is very important, but you're right it takes the whole story to see if it works. The problem I'm having with my WiP right now is that the beginning and end seem fine but there is so much in between that's just fluff.

Thanks for posting this. I feel very confident about my first chapter now. Maybe I'll enter this contest next year.

I agree. Writing scene by scene is very important--if not THE main way to write nowadays. The problem I've seen with some first and second scenes is the static energy. We can't start our opening scenes with reflections, conversations, or meetings between friends in order to set up the story. Those kinds of slow-moving scenes usually delay the action of the main plot.

And in answer to your question, I'm judging historical romance, which is what I write and felt I would be most qualified to critique. :-)

Jody, I agree with you on every one of these problems. Here's another one that I've encountered in my reading as recently as yesterday. It's a real turn-off for me when the author shifts points of view within the first scene. Not going to a different POV in a subsequent scene, but a shift right in the middle of the action. That's like accidentally shifting into reverse instead of second gear: sort of jarring.

Yes, I DO think you can tell a ton by the first 15 pages. There are a lot of people, I'm sure that, that do polish the first chapters more than the rest of the book, which leads to rejections after partial/full requests, but I think you can see if a writer as "potential" by just reading a short section at the beginning.

I think you are spot on in identifying problems... For me, my problem was that the first and second chapters didn't match in tone. I got a ton of comments that while my first chapter was funny and entertaining, it clashed with my 2nd chapter and it was jarring, and my 2nd chapter was better writing.

Of course... I rewrote my first chapter and while not perfect I'm sure, I think it's much better. I'm REALLY curious to see if the scores differ this year than last year in the Genesis given the major rehaul of the first chapter.

I struggle with beginnings. Period. There, I said it. Beginnings are the hardest for me. The setting is actually a very important element of my book so finding a way to describe it without tipping over into B-O-R-I-N-G, was challenging. I've rewritten my beginning more than any part of my book, and I'm still not 100% satisfied with it. So, I will definitely be interested to see what judges say about it.

I used to doubt that an agent or editor could possibly know enough just by reading the first chapter, but I've changed that opinion since I started reading, writing and studying the craft.

Great points!! I totally agree with all them and am learning to apply them myself. The other big thing that I notice in first chapters that I would label a "mistake" would be too much description of where the character is. This is so true in historicals where the author wants to convey every ounce of research they've completed. As a reader, I end up feeling like i'm reading a historical documentary instead of a novel.

Great info, thanks so much. I know that one thing that stands out to me is trying to keep the characters straight. Sometimes I have to go back through and review who they are and what relationship they have to each other. I always think it's just me, but I guess not:)Blessings,Karen

I've been privileged to serve as a judge in a number of contests. Like you, Jody, I've learned a great deal from the experience. I used to wonder how an agent or editor could make a decision on a project based on so few pages. Not anymore. I get a feel for a writer's skill and storytelling abilities quickly.

Your points are great. To add to your list, I've read entries where the scene isn't set up. I don't know where I am or when. As Jamie said, a writer can include too much description, but I look for the basics. Are the characters inside or outside; in a city or the country; in the middle of a blizzard in Anchorage or on a sun-drenched beach in Miami. If the story is a historical, it's important to know the time period and location and to have enough description to feel grounded in the setting.

Most RWA® chapter contests have judges look for use of sensory details. Is this something Genesis judges are asked to look for as well?

I've been spending quite a bit of time on Genesis entries too, and I agree with your findings. Probably the biggest thing I've noticed is the lack of conflict. I can see seeds planted that may or may not bloom later, but it's definitely something for all of us to watch for in our own work.

Thank you for posting these! I so needed it today.I just got a critique back from someone in my writing group. She was very gracious with her time, and I appreciate it. I'm still working on taking things professionally instead of personally, and this reminded me that I didn't do too badly.

There's also a part I think she and I may have to agree to disagree about though. A change that didn't sit right with me, but after reading this, I have a little more confidence in my decision.

to Linda Kage: I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like judging a contest is a rapid fire way to learn what has been said authors could learn by joining a critique group and critiquing others instead of just polishing their own work.

Jody, thanks! Another great blog! I agree – it shows the more I learn about this industry the more common complaints people make about the business practices of agents/editors fall away. I've gone to the library and checked out stacks of books - that somewhere along the way several people believed were worthy of being published - and within just pages, sometimes just sentences, I could toss many aside. Whether I believed the book wasn't good or it just didn't fit my tastes I didn't care to continue reading it. I'd imagine agents get that feeling much more often and really even if your work is stellar why would you want an agent that feels that way to be the one to represent you?

As I've mentioned before, I've judged for two contests this year, and I think your points are spot on. I was really surprised how quickly you can tell if the pages are going to be good or not. Often by the end of the first paragraph, I could predict how good the entry was going to be.

I think one thing I noticed is people taking the start with action thing too far. When I'm thrown into major action and haven't been given at least a tidbit to connect with the character on, I just don't care what happens to them.

I also think a blah voice is one of the major turn offs for me too. I need to hear the voice very quickly in a first chapter.

Good stuff! My first novel starts right in the middle of the action, but I'm really struggling with the start of my second. I've written scenes and chapters from later in the book, but I just don't have a handle yet on a good opening scene.

What an honor to be chosen to judge the contest, Jody. And thank you for the great advice on first chapters. I'm working on revising the first chapter of one of my novels right now, for fear it isn't strong enough. It's one I've struggled with and struggled with, too, primarily trying to get that all-important hook into the first paragraph or two.

I have changed my opening line, paragraph and scene, so many times. Each time, it has been after learning something new. Thank goodness for you, Jodi and others who give such great tips and information. I can see the improvement each time I change things up and it reads better and better.Thank you so much!

Beginnings are tough. Even though I know what makes for a great beginning, I still haven't locked down one yet that I feel really hooks the reader. I do think one of the most important things is being able to get a feel for the voice within the first page.

I give you so much credit for taking time out of your busy schedule to help other authors this way.

Your list sums it up! A big problem for me is when the first chapter doesn't show anything out of the ordinary happening to the main character. Some problem or shift in the character's life should be occurring or why bother writing it.

At SiWC conferences, I've participated in "So You Think You Can Write" workshops where the first couple pages are submitted anonymously to a panel of agents and editors. A well-known author reads them aloud, and reading continues until at least two agents raise their hands to indicate that's where they would quit reading -- like a gong show. Their hands went up instantly whenever weather was mentioned or the MC was either dreaming or just waking up. They said those kind of beginnings have been done to death.

I was surprised at how many of them turned up during the readings. I was also surprised at how often the first page was some other form of passive description -- for example, description of the neighbourhood as MC is driving somewhere, the view from a cruise ship deck, or the interior of a room.

I think writers who read lots will be better prepared to recognize cliched beginnings.

Good stuff. In some ways I resent the need to "hook" the reader, jump into the plot and deliver slimmed-down, streamlined prose. I feel more like Miniver Cheevy with each passing day.As for character confusion, I am guilty as charged. Ironically, I had no idea of my guilt until I started hearing from readers of my first novel who complained about the number of characters introduced early, most of whom didn't factor in the story.

This is fabulous stuff Jody. The first book I wrote was filled with back story in the first several chapters. I didn't even realize that was wrong until I started reading blogs and researching a little more.

The other thing that screams beginner (at least for me) is writing that is peppered with adverbs and adjectives. People who have been writing for a while don't seem to need or want to dress up their words.

You really do have an educator's brain, Jody, as well as a writer's. Very good insight here and one I'll be referring to as I flesh out future first chapters and refine WIP chapters. I struggle with wanting to explain too much -- always working on that one. And now, I have even more motivation to stay away from this, thinking of it from the editor's eye.

I feel confident I could judge the writer's composition skill from reading fifteen pages. I doubt that I could judge the quality of the story itself, especially if the plot is complex and contains several different elements.

However, agents only have so much time, and if I were one myself, I know I would have to limit how much of it I could give each submission.

I liked your point about "watching characters talk to each other." I just finished a book that had scene after scene of dialog, which grated on me, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Now I know. It's a static way of writing.

Jody, that's a great checklist for revising those first pages. I took a workshop w/Jeanette Ingold and she said to use an eye-dropper to insert backstory where you need it in little bits. I love that image.

Great post - as usual. I have a short story that has been refusing to behave. I couldn't work out what it was. Now I realise it has far too much setting up time. I need to weave the past in using small fragments and teases, rather than make the past a proper scene.

Really nice points Jody. I'll be coming back to them time and time again. Too much back story in the first chapter and slow to introduce the conflict is a problem I see in WIP's, including mine. I believe you can judge a writer's skill from the first chapter.

Great food for thought, Jody. I think I can tell in a few chapters a writer's skill level. As for my own, it's hard to be objective so thank God for critters! Sometimes I wonder sometimes if I have too much going on in the first few chapters. I don't want a mountaintop and snowball down hill all the way.

The essence of the problem I have seen in judging contests and teaching writing workshops is CONFLICT.

The first 15 pages must lay out the conflict, foreshadow the resolution at the ending (ending and beginning are intricately wound together by theme), state the theme, ask the salient question about the theme, and basically tell the reader what this story is actually about.

All that has to be shown not told.

Without the conflict-theme integration clearly in mind, no beginning writer has a chance of achieving that.

What interests the beginning writer about their story is not what will interest a reader. Beginners have to learn to re-organize their material to get at those salient interesting points and present them up front, prior to the stuff that interests the writer.

Lack of that skill at assembling points in order is what produces the endless, shapeless opening where the writer pushes all sorts of details of the backstory and worldbuilding at the reader with a feeling of "I'm going to tell you a great story, but FIRST YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND..."

That's the single mistake that produces all the errors you've listed in this post.

Conflict and Show Don't Tell are the hardest abstract notions to wrap your head around, and they represent the dividing line between sellable material and fanzine material.

I talk about how to re-arrange your mind from reader to writer on the aliendjinnromances.blogspot.com co-blog (with 6 famous Romance writers) where I post on Tuesdays.

A problem I've seen in first chapters is exposition in the dialogue/narrative, which goes along with what you're saying: "Readers don’t need to know how our characters got to the point they’re at." This is a great balancing scale to use for my first scene/chapter.

I loved the way you spelled out what you are looking at and realizing while judging this conest. :) How strange and exciting it must be for you to look back this past year and be the one holding the red pen. Good luck with your responsibilities!

Well, the beginning should give a thread to be followed, whether it be a complex character, a situation, the narrative formula...If the thread is well hidden and difficult to spot,chances are that it shall go unnoticed, the entire novel thus misfiring.Enjoy your reading the entries!

Thanks for sharing these tips with us! When I'm looking for a new book to read, I usually read (or scan through) the first chapter to get a feel for the story. I cannot stand reading a book with too much descriptive paragraphs and not enough dialogue, so that's one thing that will illuminate the book from my list. Also, if the other includes too many said tags, especially "he gasped/she screamed", that really annoys me. There was one book that I really wanted to read but I couldn't get into the story because for every dialogue line the author would include a said tag such as those.

I also like it when I can relate to the character and the setting invites me to read the story from the first chapter. No one likes to read a story with a boring setting :)

This was my first year judging the Genesis and I loved every minute. I noticed exactly the same things you mentioned (I have planned a blog post on this same topic) :-). Just praying the feedback I gave is helpful to the authors whose entries I judged. I know I've learned so much in the few years I've been entering contests.

Excellent points. I have two story lines happening in my book. I found the first chapter lacked that big hook, so I switched it with chapter two, that introduced the other story line. Now I have the perfect first chapter!

Jody, Excellent instruction for authors and contest entrants. Here's a question: How much, if any, teaching is given to contest judges, along the lines of what you've shared here? I once had a contest judge mark me down hugely because I introduced a conflict (actually, more than one) that I did not resolve within the first 15 pages of the novel. The judge said I "kept the reader hanging." I thought that was a good thing! There's so much writers can learn from judges, and also so much that judges can teach other judges!

Remind me that if in some future life, I am asked to judge a contest, I'll want to come to you first for some pointers. You'd be a great "teacher to the judges." I think judging requires a set of skills that you'd be great at imparting!

Not sure if I agree about assuming readers already know what the conflict is about. You know what I do if I don't know what the conflict is about from the first page? I toss the book. If I don't know the why of the conflict, then I don't care.

I'm a beginning writer and even though I love books that hook me right from the off, I do like a LITTLE bit of prequel. Throwing readers right in at the deep end always makes me feel a little bit lost; sort of like Mary Connealy's writing. Even though I like her books, her writing style, the way she jumps from scene to scene with so little emotion and hardly any romance annoys me no end. Still, I'll give your ideas a try!

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