A 'sideways' look at the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera. For episodes broadcast in the UK 14th-18th May. *Warning: May Contain Spoilers*

Zak's in hospital; Nicola & Elliot are in quarantine, & will Gennie be going to see the Doctor? Is a pregnancy about to be revealed?

Phew. Much as I love Emmerdale, seven episodes has been a bit much for me this week (as I've unexpectedly had to buy another car and have been very short of time. I'm very short of money now, too!). It did get me thinking though: why do we have two episodes on Thursdays? Is one enough?

Anyway, down to business. As I blearily caught-up at 5.00 am on Saturday morning, I suddenly jolted awake when I heard an overwrought Gennie say, "I'm probably just hormonal or something," to Nikhil, and instantly become the odds-on favourite in the Emmerdale Pregnancy Stakes, yes?

All the clues are there, and I reckon it's only a matter of time before Gennie'll be nipping to the chemist and seeing that blue line! Ooh, how exciting. It'll be brilliant if it IS her, as you can't get anyone more 'mess-averse' than Nikhil, and a baby would totally freak him out (and transform him into a complete 'doting dad' I reckon)!

I've been saying for a year now (before Gennie even had her eye on him), that those two should get together, get married and have babies (as it would be a dream comedy pairing and offer some great storyline opportunities for the writers). Looks like I'm getting my wish.

I also said I wished we could see a lot more of Dan, and – boy – we certainly have this week, as he continued to bulldoze his way into Ali and Ruby's lives.

There were rows-a-plenty, and him getting a job at the factory didn't exactly put a smile on her face (not even a Lottery win could make that miracle happen)!

"We can talk about the divorce. You liked me enough to marry me once," he reminded her, as they sat arguing in the cafe.

"Beggars belief," she replied in dismay.

Love can turn to hate – and vice-versa. From having hated Ruby, Sean's definitely 'warmed' to her; so-much-so that he kissed her on the lips this week, which gave Misery Ali even more to moan about.

Dan blamed Ruby. "I'm into women; not underage lads," she reminded him, but it made no odds.

"This is what happens to kids when you throw them to the lesbians," he retorted. What Century are you from Dan? He's so un-PC; it's very funny to watch!

I'd said that I'd found the lead up to Zak's breakdown rather dull, but thought that what happened next would probably be a lot more interesting, and it certainly has been. It's shocked everyone (including Zak himself), and he's been excellent this week – as has Lisa, who was devastated after seeing the state of him.

It'll no-doubt get worse next week when the rest of the family get to see him, although I can't get over his nurse. "I'm stuck with the name Trevor," he told Zak.

Trevor? I've never seen anyone look less like a Trevor in my life. He looks far more like a Simeon or a Giles to me, and actually reminds me so much of the Carry On actor Jim Dale!

Nicola's still not bonding with little Einstein Elliot, and the little lamb was looking a bit peaky this week. "You'd better take him to the Doctor," Nicola suggested to Jimmy, "Unless you think he can diagnose himself," she added sarcastically.

"So, is it the pox?" she asked Jimmy when they got back.

"No. It is not 'The Pox'. He's not from the flamin' Dark Ages," Jimmy huffed in exasperation, but that left the problem of who was going to look after the lad.

"Elliot? Do you know what 'quarantine' means? No?" Nicola established (as he shook his little head), then turned to Jimmy. "Let's not book him on Countdown just yet, then," she said smugly.

When you're sick, the only person you want is your mum, and it was so sad to hear Elliot ask, "Why hasn't she rung?"

Alas for Nicola (but not for everyone else!), it wasn't long before she came down with it too, so was forced to keep him company in quarantine. I'm sure the time they'll spend together will do the trick, and that by the time Kelly does eventually roll up to collect him (as she undoubtably will), it'll take an Army to try and prize him away from Nicola (hopefully unsuccessfully).

Just dumping your child so you can go off and have a good time is unforgiveable, as is dumping your child so you can get on with your life – as Megan's son Robbie told her in no uncertain terms this week. Oh, just fast-forward this one please.

My crystal ball tells me he'll end up bonding with Declan; moving in and being given a job on the Estate (manning the office when the rest of them go off to lunch and leave it unattended, presumably?), then work his way through the village lasses like most young lads do – although who on earth was that woman who came in just as Declan was leaving? Not his girlfriend, surely? She looked rather … 'mature'.

Rather a bijou selection for our Grins of the Week:

Ali: "I want a nice, quiet dinner on my own."

Dan: "In a public cafe?"

Charity: "What's going on?"

Jai: "He (Nikhil), made a face like she's fat (Gennie)."

Charity: "Is that even possible?"

Hannah: "Don't mind me."

Holly: "We do, actually."

Ruby: "I'll teach him to be nice to women."

Dan: "You should know, aye? Hah!"

PS Glad to see Holly tell David he was too old for her. I said he was. Alicia's far more suitable!

PS2 Eric took that leaking carton of milk into the B&B and put it on the table. That'd make a right mess. You'd never do that in real life!

PS3 Doesn't Amy's hair look better now she doesn't look as if she's just come straight off a protest march? She just needs to put foundation further than her jawline and get rid of those panda eyes and she'll finally be revealed as the pretty young woman she really is!